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https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-marie-kelly-kidnapped-the-wrong-sister/

Marie Kelly Kidnapped the Wrong Sister I really liked this book so i thought it would be a great book to share. The Author's dedication: To Julie. Chance made us sisters, love made us friends. Thanks for everything CHAPTER ONE Diona Brown sat on the small couch moaning gently as she read through the letter which she held in her small fingers. Dragging her hand over her brow, she looked in disbelief at the words on the page: Dear Diona Alexis and I are in love. He has asked me to marry him and I have gone to Greece to meet him. We plan on getting married as soon as possible. I hope that you can be happy for us, and we will be in touch when we return. All my love Daryle After several more seconds reading and rereading the short note, she finally slammed the paper on the table and cursing under her breath, picked up the phone. She quickly made reservations for the next available flight to Greece, her fingers gripping the phone tightly as she felt the panic which even the thought of flying always raised within her. Diona remembered the many details Daryle gave her about her latest boyfriend, Alexis Dranias, and with a grim set to her mouth she thought about her young sister. Although there were only three years between them, the two could not have been any more different. Daryle was fun-loving and always surrounded by friends and boyfriends. She worked in a high-fashion store, and partied every weekend, often giving her sister cause for concern with regard to the direction her life was heading. Diona, however, was more serious, choosing a small group of friends, preferring to work long hours as a nurse and to stay home. When their mother died when she was twelve and Daryle only nine, Diona assumed much of the burden of raising her sister and keeping house. Her father was unable to cope with the loss of his much-loved wife, and retreated into himself before his sudden death four years ago. Diona felt the familiar tears rising to her eyes, thinking again of her father, and how they had never really been able to mend the many bridges before his death. She wished that she had tried harder to understand, while knowing that at that time she had too much on her plate, looking after her sister and ensuring that they kept a roof over their heads. Sighing wearily, she thought how she had been looking forward to her week’s holiday, now groaning with the realisation that rather than the week of long lie-ins and catching up on the many books she hoped to read, she would now have to traipse all the way to Greece to rescue her sister from herself. With a shudder, she also felt the fear gripping her knowing that there was only one way to get there. Moving into her sister’s room, to try and quell the foreboding causing tight knots to clench her stomach, she searched through the old writing bureau, which had been her mother’s, until she found her sister’s address book. With angry fingers she thumbed through the many names and addresses in the small book, until she found the address and phone number of Alexis Dranias. With a small triumphant sound she copied down the information, before quickly moving back into her own room to throw some clothes into a case. An hour later with a weary sigh she left her small flat in the centre of Glasgow to enter the taxi she had called earlier. “Airport”, she cried, before finally sitting back, closing her eyes tiredly. Diona Brown was a beautiful girl. While fairly small, only 5’3”, her figure had men turning wherever she went. Large blue intelligent eyes sat in her petite round face, giving her an innocent look which many found so appealing. When she would smile, her soft red lips had the power to completely transform her lovely features, giving her a glow which was breathtaking and which people responded to so warmly, a great trait to have in her job as a nurse. She sighed wearily, having just come off a double shift and having now to deal with her wayward sister. Rubbing her eyes gently, she wondered how she had missed the signs, frowning wondering how her sister had hidden this from her. Daryle was usually an open book, not able to hide her emotions or keep a secret of any kind. With tired fingers she pulled her hair from the tight knot which she wore for work, feeling as the long blonde hair fell around her shoulders, before pulling it back from her face and securing it once more within a controlled ponytail. Her whole body sat stiffly, primly, as she looked at her watch, aware of the time to catch her flight. Thinking back, she remembered how excited her younger sister had been. It was her first real holiday abroad with her friends, and she waved them off from the same airport with mixed feelings about her going. Daryle was gregarious, fun-loving and incredibly beautiful. A volatile mix, her older sister thought, worried at her lack of maturity and determination to get every ounce of fun from her week break. When she came home, she was sad and heartbroken at leaving Greece, and the most perfect man she had ever met: Alexis Dranias, having spent every minute of her time with him.At the time Diona wrote it off as a holiday romance, glad that she had only been there a week. However, when they started to talk on the phone every night she began to become irritated, only holding her tongue because it was not her having to pay the cost of the calls, as Alexis always called Daryle. She believed that given enough time the two would become bored with each other and everything would return to normal. However, that was before the bombshell which landed on her on her return home from work that morning. As the plane took off, Diona held onto the armrests, her whole body stiff from the fear which clutched at her to be once more back on a plane. She felt the sweat coursing down her back as she cursed her sister. The flight was tiring and cramped and she dozed on and off, woken constantly by the excited cries of small children, their families all looking forward to a holiday in the sun. However, finally they landed as Diona breathed a sigh of relief. After clearing customs, Diona phoned her sister’s mobile, looking at her own with concern, seeing how the charge was almost gone. She frowned realising that she had not brought an adapter, hoping that her sister would have one she could use. With a small twist of her lips she thought ‘of course she would have one’, it was one of the few things that Daryle was careful about, she thought wryly to herself. As her sister answered, Diona told her where she was, demanding that the two meet. Daryle was shocked to hear that she was in Greece and quickly gave her the name of the town she was staying in, along with the hotel and details on how to get there. She then agreed to meet with her at a restaurant later that day, to her relief informing Diona that Alexis would be there too. Ringing off, she was glad that she would have the opportunity to speak to the two of them at the same time, her mouth set determinedly that she would be bringing her sister home the following day. At the airport she quickly exchanged money. Then, following her sister’s instructions, she took the appropriate bus, dragging her bag, which seemed to be getting heavier by the second, halfway across town to reach the named hotel. She booked herself into a room, frowning slightly as the receptionist informed her that there was no Daryle Brown staying at the hotel. As she collected her key she then took her case up so that she could change out of her warm jeans and shirt into shorts and a strappy t-shirt, which was such a welcome relief in the heat of the Greek sun.Moving out of the hotel to keep her appointment with her sister, she received many admiring looks from the Greek men who spoke gently to her as they looked over her figure with appreciative eyes, seeing her firm breasts, slim waist and flat stomach flaring out to wider hips and perfect bottom. Her long shapely legs moved fast as she ignored the many offers being thrown at her, as she did every day at work, with the many men who saw her as the perfect erotic dream date complete with nurse’s uniform. Diona felt uncomfortable with this kind of attention, stopping to buy sunglasses to hide the discomfort in her eyes. Finally she reached the restaurant, relieved to see Daryle already there, laughing with some men at another table. As she moved to the table her sister sat at, Daryle stood, smiling warmly at her. “I can’t believe you came here…you flew?”, her sister asked with such a look of wonder in her eyes. Diona however, waved away the comment, looking sharply at her. “What did you think I would do Daryle? You left a note only saying that you were in love and getting married” “Isn’t it marvellous?”, Daryle cried, her face shining with delight. “He loves me Diona… And I love him” Diona moved quickly to the seat opposite her. “Are you out of your mind?”, she hissed, her face clearly showing her disapproval. “You only just met this man, you’ve known him for less than a week...and you’re ready to fly to a completely different country, away from your friends and family and get married?” Her voice was full of irritation both from the absurdity of her sister’s actions and the intense tiredness filling her. “Get your things Daryle, we are on the next flight back home” Sitting back she glared at her sister, who was smiling patiently at her. “Weren’t you listening Diona? We are in love” With a small sound of annoyance, Diona sat forward, her voice softer, knowing how best to deal with her sister. “I heard you Daryle...why the rush?… if you are in love then come home and let’s do this right…get to know this man properly…why do you need to run off?” For the first time she saw a look of concern crossing her sister’s lovely face. “Well… There is a problem.”, she said, her liquid brown eyes suddenly serious. “And what is that?”, Diona asked. “His brother Nikias...he doesn’t approve”, Daryle said, her face frowning, as she pushed back her long copper hair from her face. With a look of annoyance Diona looked back at the woman before her. “He is not the only one Daryle…this is ridiculous, what is the big rush?” For a moment she looked at her sister, a look of horror crossing her face. “Are you pregnant?”, she asked, her voice low, her eyes wide as saucers. Daryle looked at her with shock, crying out indignantly, “No! I’m not pregnant Diona… Why does everybody think that? … We are in love…We haven’t even…you know” With another look of annoyance, but also a great sense of relief Diona raised her eyes skywards. “Then why the rush? Please Daryle, I am begging you to come home. How do you know he doesn’t just want to marry you for a British passport? How do you know he doesn’t see you as some kind of golden goose to support him?” Daryle giggled at her. “Nikias and Alexis Dranias, you haven’t heard of them?” , she asked with disbelief as Diona shook hers impatiently. “They own some of the largest cruise ships in the world… they are super-rich Diona… he will be supporting me” Diona looked at her sister with a hard expression on her face. “All the more reason to take it slowly Daryle, guys like that play by very different rules, and you are the one who is going to get hurt.” However, her sister was laughing at her, her eyes shining brightly as she shook her head. “You are wrong Diona...you will see when you meet Alexis” With a look of irritation, she asked, “And when will that be Daryle?…I want to meet this man who thinks that it is OK to run off with you and get married with no concern for your family. You said he would be here” Daryle giggled, as her phone began to ring. Looking at the caller ID she smiled, rising. “One minute Diona, I need to take this outside…reception in here is shockingly bad” Diona nodded, glad for the break from her sister, annoyed at the way she seemed to be so love-struck, that she would not listen to common sense, as she moved out of sight to speak to the caller she assumed to be Alexis. With a soft sigh she realised that Daryle never could listen to sense; she chose her heart over her head every time, with little or no regard to what others said or did, and once more Diona blamed herself. She had spoiled her as she was growing up, shielded her from the hard decisions which she was required to make; perhaps she thought with a soft sigh, she had protected her too much. However, she smiled remembering how embarrassed Daryle had been when she suggested she was pregnant, and telling her that she and Alexis had not even slept together. With a warm sensation filling her tired body, she thought that perhaps she had not done such a bad job of raising her young sister as she had first thought.As she sat waiting for the return of Daryle, she became aware of somebody stopping behind her. Turning around, Diona held back the gasp as she saw the most handsome man she had ever encountered. He stood watching her with ill-concealed contempt in his eyes, her own showing the surprise at the stranger’s cold expression, seeing how his eyes flicked over her in a manner which caused her to feel uncomfortable. Her eyes met his and held them unblinkingly, before he finally spoke. “Miss Brown?”, he asked, his English perfect, but with the most sensual accent she had ever heard. Diona could only stare at the man, as his voice sent shivers down her spine, surprised that he seemed to know her name. “Are you Miss Brown?”, he repeated, a small frown coming to his handsome face. “Yes”, she finally managed, “Can I help you?” With no invitation the man then proceeded to take the seat that Daryle had been sitting in only seconds previously, causing Diona to frown in annoyance at the stranger’s forward and arrogant manner. “My name is Nikias Dranias”, he started, scowling to see how she smiled with relief. “Alexis’ brother”, she said, “It is so good to meet you” However, the man continued to look at her, his dark eyes full of such contempt, his voice angry but controlled. “This is not a social call Miss Brown…I want you to stop seeing my brother right now” Diona looked at him with surprise. “No, you’ve made a mistake”, she began before he silenced her, by raising one hand, his look holding hers icily in a manner which made Diona’s eyes flash with annoyance. “How much Miss Brown?”, he queried softly, his tone low and dangerous. “For what?”, she asked in surprise, her blue eyes looking quizzically into his dark ones. “To leave and never see him again” Diona began to get angry, losing patience with this overbearing man who, despite being so devastatingly handsome, was treating her with such disrespect, his arrogance so obvious from the way his eyes kept flicking over her, as though she was something unpleasant he was being forced to sit beside. “Who the hell do you think you are?”, she asked, seeing the cold glint enter his dark eyes. “I am Alexis’ brother, Miss Brown”, he answered, “And I am going to make sure that no little gold digger gets her claws into him” As she gasped in shock, he paused to look over her, admiring the woman before him despite himself, surprised at what he saw. This one was different from the usual women his brother was attracted to; she was beautiful, that was true, but in a calm quiet way, not the usual loud and brash type which he had had to deal with in the past. “If you think that you are going to marry yourself a rich man, then you are mistaken…my brother works for me Miss Brown… The company is owned by me and only by me” “Mr Dranias...”, she began, a hard edge to her tone, as he once more interrupted her, making her frown even harder with irritation. “Miss Brown I am prepared to pay you to go…so given the fact that I will cut my brother off without a penny if he is stupid enough to marry such an obvious little schemer as yourself… you would be better to take my money and leave” Diona glared at the man before her, her voice stilted at the suggestion that her sister was nothing more than a gold digger, “It is nice to know that you think so little of your own brother”, she bit back, her blue eyes flashing haughtily at him. Nikias Dranias stared back at the woman before him. For some reason he found himself watching her with more than just the contempt he felt when he had first entered the restaurant. Her long blonde hair, which was held primly back in a ponytail, enabled her wonderful face to be seen clearly. Her complexion, slightly flushed with anger, glowed; a perfect setting for her large blue eyes, so bright with a radiance which he could not help but stare at. His voice was a little huskier than usual as he continued, “If you know what is good for you Miss Brown, you will be on the next plane home, or else I will be forced into taking further action” Diona looked coldly at the man before her. “Don’t threaten me Mr Dranias”, she said softly, “I have never liked bullies who threaten people”, she continued, seeing the look of confusion as it entered his eyes. Standing up, Nikias dropped an envelope in front of her. “Do yourself a favour, and take what you can and leave” Before she could speak further, he moved away from her table and out of the restaurant leaving Diona shaking with the anger which filled her. As he left, Daryle returned to the table, her eyes large and frightened. “Was that Nikias?”, she asked, her voice full of fear. “Alexis just phoned to say that his brother found out about us. He was warning me that he was looking for me…” With a nervous giggle she looked at how angry her sister seemed. “Wow, he is gorgeous”, she added, her eyes looking warily at Diona. Diona looked back grimly. “Yes, Daryle it was Nikias and he thought I was you… What an arrogant insufferable man”, she bit out through gritted teeth. Daryle looked at her, her eyes full of questions. “What did he say?”, she whispered. “Well you are right…he is totally against your marriage... and I can’t say that I blame him”, she added angrily, before turning on Daryle, her voice hard and determined. “This has to end... get your stuff Daryle, we are leaving” “No”, her sister spoke firmly, her eyes full of pain. “I love him, and I am not leaving him…please understand Diona… I love him” Diona saw the tears rising within her sister’s eyes. This was new. Normally she could make her sister see sense eventually, but she could see the grim determination in Daryle’s eyes, warning her that this was going to be even harder than she had first thought. However, remembering Nikias she knew that she would have to make her see how inappropriate the marriage would be, if only because of the enemy they would be making by going ahead with their plans. With a small sigh, Diona lifted the envelope, opening it to see the contents. Inside she found a business class ticket back home dated the next day, and a cheque for 20,000 pounds. Passing it over to her sister, she watched as Daryle gasped, before ripping it up. “He thinks that he can buy us off…well he is wrong, and so are you Diona…we love each other” With a soft sigh Diona looked at her sister more softly, pausing for a few seconds, her eyes watching her impassioned face. “OK Daryle…but I want to meet your boyfriend…and to talk to you both… do you understand?” Daryle smiled at her, her face full of warmth. “Thank you Diona”, she cried in relief, “We’ll both be in touch with you tonight, I promise” With a small frown, Diona looked at Daryle…”You told me you were staying at the hotel I booked into …but they have no record of you”, she said in confusion, “Where are you staying Daryle?” Sighing gently, Daryle replied, “Alexis booked my room under another name so that his brother couldn’t find me” Looking sadly at the door she added ruefully, “It still didn’t stop him though” With that she stood, moving over to hug her sister lovingly. “You will see Diona… he is wonderful, and I know you will love him as much as l do”, her voice wistful, as her elder sister looked on. As Daryle left, Diona sighed deeply. She would talk to Alexis herself and persuade the two of them to slow down on their plans. She would point out to them that if they were serious then they whould involve their families in their happiness. Suddenly feeling once more so tired she ordered and drank a cup of tea, frowning as she remembered Nikias Dranias. She had never seen such a handsome man. He was tall, over six feet, and was dressed in a suit which accentuated his broad shoulders and long lean frame. His handsome face held the darkest eyes she had ever seen, holding her transfixed as she felt the sheer power of the man. She shivered, finding it hard to forget the raw sexuality he seemed to exude with just his presence. Diona smiled gently. If Alexis was anything like his brother then she could fully understand why her sister had been swept away, becoming so besotted with this man. However, with a concerned look crossing her eyes, she hoped again for her sister’s sake that he was less arrogant, her eyes once more flashing angrily at the way he talked to her, as if she was less than nothing, unfit for his brother. Diona had dealt with men like Nikias Dranias before, arrogant insufferable men who demanded and expected everything their own way, and she grimaced realising that it was going to be a struggle for Alexis and Daryle. She wondered if they cared enough about each other to see it through, instinctively knowing that Nikias Dranias was a force to be reckoned with. From the restaurant Diona returned to her hotel, stopping on the way to buy a magazine, on the front page of which Nikias Dranias’ face was splashed along with the headline: “Cruise Tycoon Tells All” As she sat in her hotel room, she read the story of the 32 year old tycoon’s rise to fame and fortune, from the humble streets of Greece to multi-billionaire status. The interviewer talked to him in his home and there was a picture of him standing, looking out to sea beside a picture window, the scene outside wild and wonderful, as craggy cliffs merged into the blue of the sea. She thought for a second about the very different worlds they lived in, he on his island and she in her small flat, overlooking a main road. His face was slightly turned from the camera and he looked to be deep in thought, and once more Diona shivered gently remembering his musky scent, frowning at the realisation that she picked up that much detail of the man. Reading on, there were several other photographs of him, all showing him with different women, some she even recognised, and with a twist of her lovely mouth she thought him to be such a hypocrite. He was clearly a man who enjoyed the good things in life, and that very much included women. How dare he look down on her sister, when he was such a playboy himself? With a sigh, she hoped that this would turn out to be nothing more than a crush for her sister, her head turned by the lifestyle which Alexis offered, and that soon she would realise just how wrong he was for her. Diona did not relish having to deal with Alexis’ brother again, remembering the contempt in his eyes when he talked to her. The hotel room was warm, and still feeling sticky from the heat and her journey, she slipped into the tiny washroom to have a shower. Diona enjoyed the water as it moved down her slim body, her whole being looking forward to finally being able to lie on the bed which offered her the chance to sleep and to sort out her thoughts. However as she moved back into the small standard basic room, with its lumpy bed and small uncomfortable two-seater chair she saw the envelope which had been pushed under the door. Moving over to lift it she smiled reading the letter inside: Please come and stay on the island. This would be more convenient for everybody. A car will be outside the hotel at 5:00 to bring you here, please bring your luggage with you. I look forward to welcoming you to my home. With a soft sigh, she smiled, before dressing in a silky baby blue halter neck summer dress which swished around her knees, showing off her lovely figure in a manner which Diona was not even aware of, before repacking her suitcase as she waited for the car. Looking at the time, which read 4:30 she sighed again, knowing that sleep would have to wait. At exactly 5:00, a large limousine arrived at the door of the hotel and the driver opened the door to help her in before ensuring that her case was put in the large trunk. They drove about half an hour before she found herself at a small pier where a luxury boat was waiting for her. The polite and smiling skipper took her luggage and helped her on board before moving from the picturesque Greek pier towards a small island only just visible from the mainland. As she watched it become bigger the closer they got, she could not help but gasp at how beautiful it looked. The lush green vegetation against the golden sand which contrasted with the aqua waters took her breath away. With a soft frown Diona thought about just how rich the Dranias' were, uncomfortable with the level of wealth she was seeing. Daryle was in many ways an innocent, trusting people far more than she should. She wondered how seriously a man like Alexis could take her 21 year old sister, not wanting to see her hurt, knowing just how far out of her own sphere of wealth Daryle was. As they docked at the pier, the skipper once more lifted her bag before politely helping her down onto the wooden jetty. He walked with her to the waiting car, which then took her the short distance to the large modern building she could see at the top of the island. The back of the building seemed to be built into the cliff which it perched onto as though it belonged there, blending into the rocky wall seamlessly. Diona held her breath, completely awe-struck at the beauty and wildness of it. She admired the wall-to-wall windows looking out, which she found herself thinking must be a perfect canvas for the sea below. As they turned the bend bringing them around to the front of the house she could see the softer side. Here the building was grand, with pillars beside the large entrance, which was surrounded by perfectly manicured gardens. Diona moaned gently, once more feeling so out of place, thinking of her small two-bedroom flat which she and Daryle shared. The driver opened her door, helping her out of the large car before smiling politely at her and driving away, leaving Diona to ring the large doorbell on the very impressive wooden door. Very quickly it was opened by an older woman who looked at her politely and proceeded to beckon her to come in with a warm smile. Smiling back, Diona moved into the wonderful area. The large foyer was luxurious from the ground up, from its opulent marble floor which echoed as her small heels moved on it, to the large chandelier which hung from the ceiling high above her. She could see the ornate stairs which led to the second story and she sighed softly in wonder, her eyes wide in awe. The housekeeper was smiling at her, directing her to one of the many wooden doors off the foyer. “Mr Dranias”, she said, her head nodding as she repeated his name. Diona smiled warmly back, quickly realising that the woman spoke no English. With a nod of her own head, she moved over to the door, knocking on it gently before she moved inside. As she moved into the large room she gasped with shock. Nikias stood looking out of the large window, leaning against the wall, still wearing the suit she saw him wear earlier that day; his jacket now thrown over one of the many leather seats which covered the large area. His hands were pushed into his trousers and his tie was pulled down with his top button undone giving him a sensual look, which caused her to swallow a small lump in her throat, not understanding the sharp jolt she felt in the pit of her stomach. “Mr Dranias, I...I didn’t expect you here”, she said, with a look of surprise on her face, “Where is Alexis?” Hearing her voice, he stood up straight, turning to face her. He looked over at the small woman before him, now fully able to appreciate her lovely figure as she stood looking back at him with such confusion in her beautiful blue eyes. His eyes flicked over her, admiring what he saw, as he kept his face expressionless. “Now why would you assume that Alexis is here Miss Brown?”, he asked, a small smile playing on his lips. Diona frowned. “I received a letter from him”, she said slowly, a sinking feeling rising within her, “He said that I should stay here” Diona watched the smile on Nikias’ face widen slightly as she dropped her bag onto the floor, her features becoming angry. “The letter wasn’t from Alexis was it?”, she said, her tone low as she glared at the man before her. Nikias moved forward towards her. “Very good Miss Brown”, he drawled. “I had a phone call from my brother not long after I left you … he told me that you ripped up the cheque, he had a lot to say about that, along with a few other things, none of which I will bore you with… Not a smart move Miss Brown” “And why is that Mr Dranias?”, she bit back, her eyes angry daggers. “Because you forced my hand…I told you there was no way that I was letting you get your greedy little hooks into my brother... so welcome to my island” Diona looked at him, the confusion on her face so clear. “Wh…what do you mean?”, she stuttered. By now Nikias moved so close to her that there was only about a foot between them, and she could see his dark eyes as they looked down on her with triumph on his face. “I mean Miss Brown that you will be staying here, until you’re due to return back to the UK, when I personally will put you back on the damn plane and out of our lives. My brother has a very short attention span, and I’m sure that once you are out of the way, he will quickly find other little playmates with which to fill his day” Diona looked at him with shock, her eyes wide with disbelief. “You can’t do that!”, she cried out. He smiled back, his eyebrow lifting. “I think you will find I already have”, he replied, his voice soft, enjoying seeing the confusion on her lovely face, before her expression became harder and more determined. “There is a law against kidnapping Mr Dranias…even for people like you” He continued to smile at her. “I don’t know why you would think you were being kidnapped… you are free to leave anytime you like” Diona looked at him suspiciously. “Well I think I would like to leave right now”, she said with determination, lifting her bag and turning to go. With a note of complete triumph he spoke so softly behind her. “And how do you propose to get off this island Miss Brown?” Turning back quickly, she looked at him with horror on her face as the full enormity of her situation dawned on her. “The boat isn’t coming back is it?”, she said slowly, a contained anger in her voice, as he shook his head. “Nope, I gave them instructions not to come back for another week.” Her eyes narrowed on seeing how his laughed at her. “Isn’t that when you need to be heading back to the UK?”, he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Diona looked around the room; spotting the telephone she moved over to it to call for help. Lifting the receiver she heard nothing, not even a dial tone. Nikias sauntered over to a nearby table, his tall frame so relaxed, as he calmly poured himself a whisky, putting ice cubes into it and lifting it to his lips. Diona however could feel the panic rising within her, holding her body stiff as her eyes moved around the room looking for some other way out. “Every phone in the whole building has been disconnected for the week. The only phone which works is mine… and I am afraid that you won’t get access to that because it is in my room… not a room you will be visiting”, he added looking down at her with no attempt to conceal the disdain on his handsome face. Diona threw the phone back onto its cradle, as he saw the look of panic cross her eyes before she closed them. He watched as she willed her whole body to become more calm, and when she reopened those wonderful blue eyes, the colour of a summer’s day, he could see in them only grim determination, along with a hint of anger, the sudden change in her surprising him. “While I find that thought very comforting Mr Dranias”, she said, biting out his name contemptuously, “it doesn’t take away from the fact that you can’t do this...I have evidence… the letter” Nikias smiled again. “And what exactly does that say? I believe that you were invited to come here, very nicely if I say so myself, and it was completely your choice …just as it was your choice to get into the car and boat.”With another triumphant look he added, “So before you start screaming foul play, Miss Brown, remember you chose to come here, every step of the way” Diona looked at him with complete disbelief. “You set me up”, she said, her voice hardly audible. “Yes, now can I get you a drink Miss Brown?”, he asked, pouring her a glass of red wine and moving forward to offer it to her. Diona fought the overpowering temptation to scream at him and knock the drink from his oh-so-calm fingers as she moved away, ignoring the glass which he placed on the table beside where she stood. Stopping, she placed her hands on her hips lifting her head to look skywards before with a soft sigh she lifted her hands and gently clapped. “Bravo, Mr Dranias”, she said, a small laugh rising to her lips, her eyes lowering to meet his, causing him to frown slightly. “Perfectly planned and executed”, she smiled, “Except for one little thing…you got the wrong sister” He looked at her with confusion. “What are you talking about?”, he asked, his brows furrowed as he tried to make sense of what she was now telling him. “My name is Diona Brown…not Daryle Brown”, she said, a mocking look coming into her eyes. “You got the wrong sister” Diona’s look of victory was short-lived however, as he started to laugh. “I have to give you marks for originality Diona. D Brown - that was the only information I had to go on…that plus where he was planning on meeting you today. It’s a very interesting little story, however, I think you are forgetting this afternoon, when you didn’t deny being my brother’s mistress”, a cold glint in his eyes. “Possibly because you didn’t give me a chance”, she retorted quickly, “You sat down and started threatening me before I could even explain who I was” Nikias Dranias smiled, an irritating self-assured smile as he sat down on one of the leather couches, crossing one long leg over the other, watching her with amused interest. Suddenly realising what he had actually said she looked coldly at him, her eyes narrowing with anger. “And my sister is not your brother’s mistress… According to her they are in love and plan on getting married” He looked back at her evenly. “Now we seem to have come back full circle Miss Brown… and like I said before there is no way that you are marrying my brother” With a look of irritation she lifted the wine taking a large drink, before sitting down on one of the couches opposite him. “I came here to stop the wedding”, she said as patiently as possible. “But now thanks to you…the two of them are out there with nobody to make them see sense” Sitting back, she clenched her hands in anger seeing how he sat silently watching her, his eyes not believing a word she was saying. His whole countenance was calm and controlled as his eyes watched her with mild interest while she felt her whole insides churning with so many different emotions. Sheer exhaustion was causing her to start to feel disembodied, lending the situation a surreal quality. “You are the most arrogant, insufferable man I have ever met”, she bit out glaring at him, as he laughed back at her. “I’ll take that as a compliment”, he responded, his voice full of mockery as he took another mouthful of the golden liquid as the ice clinked in his hand. Diona pushed herself back in her seat angrily, before putting her hand up to her brow, as her head began to pound. “This is crazy. My name is Diona Brown. I am a nurse from the UK and the only reason I am in this country at all is to stop my sister from making the biggest mistake of her life” Looking over at the man who still sat watching her with a mocking look in his eyes she sighed in surrender. “And you don’t believe a word I am saying”, she added with another sigh, as every limb felt so heavy from the tiredness which pervaded her whole body, as he smiled, shaking his head. “Finally something we can agree on Miss Brown” Lifting her drink in her hands she looked over at him. “So how does this work Mr Dranias?”, she asked with resignation. With a small smile he looked over at her. “I am a civilized man Miss Brown, and hope that you will make full use of the many resources on the island... I hope that you enjoy your holiday… just not perhaps as rewarding a one as you were hoping for” “Fine”, Diona sighed, “Let’s just the two of us sit back on this beautiful island of yours and let our siblings destroy their lives” With a small chuckle of triumph he stood up. “Come with me Diona, let me show you your room for the duration of your visit”. Reaching over he pulled her case into his hand, lifting it effortlessly as though it weighed nothing, mocking Diona’s struggle with it earlier. She watched him, before finally with a soft sigh she stood, realising that he was not going to listen to anything she had to tell him and knowing that she was too tired to make any sense anyway. “Lead on mien jailor”, she spoke lightly, seeing the small twist of amusement on his lips. He then strode over to the magnificent marble staircase, moving up it quickly before leading her to a large doorway. Following closely behind him, Diona gasped at the room she found herself in. Decorated in white and creams it was elegant and opulent, and despite herself, she stared in admiration. “I hope you will not find your jail too difficult to live in”, he said, his voice mocking her earlier comment. However, Diona moved to one of the two other doors in the beautiful room. In the first she found a large walk-in closet and in the other a luxurious en-suite bathroom stocked with everything she could ever need. With a mocking look at him she had not even tried to hide the disdain in her voice. “Let me guess - you kidnap lots of women and force them to stay here”, her eyes contemptuous as he laughed back at her. “Not at all Miss Brown, the women who stay here usually stay in my room”, he replied, a wicked smile on his lips. Diona looked over, her eyes flicking over him, trying not to show how his dark good looks and sheer presence was affecting her, despite how tired she felt, her bones suddenly feeling so heavy with the fatigue which filled her whole being. “I bet”, she replied with a weary sigh, her look still full of contempt , “I suppose given the large amount of traffic, it saves changing too many beds”, she added icily, before she turned away to move towards the large balcony, missing the look of anger which crossed his dark eyes. As she moved onto the balcony, she realised that she was in one of the rooms facing the back of the property, overlooking the sea from the top of the rugged cliff below them. Diona gasped in wonder at the wild beauty of it all, her eyes shining in awe, as she remembered the picture from the magazine. Nikias watched as her eyes half closed as her whole body seemed to embrace the smells and sensations of being so close to the cliff. As he watched her, he felt a strange need to touch this woman, to reach out and run his hand down her body, that body which was causing him to react in a very personal way. Frowning with the realisation of his own thoughts, he looked away. Diona Brown was not what he had expected. She was smart, funny and quick, most definitely not the kind of woman he expected Alexis to become involved with. With another frown, he worried more. This was just the kind of woman who could actually get his younger brother down the aisle. She was different and even he could feel how he reacted to her, feeling the stirring within him, as she stood so statuesquely against the outline of the sea. That wonderful body, so young and supple, was calling to a very primitive part of him. With a small shake he moved off the balcony, as she followed him. “We will serve dinner at seven”, he said in a more business-like tone, before looking at his watch. “Make that thirty minutes” Diona looked at him wearily. “If you don’t mind Mr Dranias, I will skip it thanks” “That’s up to you”, he said, his tone a little harsh at her deliberate snub, “I suppose I could have something sent up to you if you would rather play the martyr and stay in your room” Diona threw him a derisory look as she wearily rubbed her head. “Actually, as much as I have no real interest in spending any more time in your presence than I have to, the fact of the matter is that I pulled a double shift, before having to fly over here to save my sister, only to be kidnapped by her boyfriend’s arrogant brother”, she said, her eyes flashing angrily, “And on top of that I have a headache, which will only really go if I get some sleep, so if you don’t mind, please leave”, her voice suddenly so tired. As Nikias was about to speak he saw just how pale and tired she did in fact look, and with a small nod he put down her case and left the room. When he left, Diona again sighed wearily, as her whole body cried out for rest. Pulling out her nightdress and toothbrush she prepared for bed, too tired to unpack that night. Crawling under the sheets and feeling as she moulded into the softness of the mattress she sighed with pleasure, relaxing as sleep quickly took over, her last thought before she lost consciousness being that she would sort this whole mess out in the morning. As Nikias ate his dinner that evening, his thoughts kept returning to the young woman he had so neatly trapped on his island. His intentions had been to have as little contact with her as possible, not liking the giggly young women his brother associated with, but she was a surprise. He expected tears and tantrums when he sprung his trap, but instead she was calm and controlled, countering all his comments with those of her own. He found himself enjoying her company, even if she was so obviously lying with her unbelievable story with regard to not being involved with his brother. She was D Brown and had been at the restaurant as expected. When his detective followed her to her hotel, there had only been one Miss D Brown resident, and it was the same hotel that Alexis often booked his lady friends into. Her story was preposterous, but he frowned at her insistence that it was the truth. With a small sigh, he wondered whether to check it out anyway, just to be on the safe side. For the rest of the night he tried to contact Alexis, frowning when he was unable to reach him. He expected Alexis to have been in touch by now, complaining about his missing love, and he grew worried that he could not contact his young brother who when upset had a tendency of doing stupid things. Sighing, he knew that the loss of such a woman would upset any man, his mind returning to her wonderful face and body which had his own reacting so quickly. He lifted the phone once more, pushing the thoughts of her to the back of his mind as he again tried calling Alexis’ mobile number, by now becoming really concerned. Looking at the time he could see that it was after midnight and with a scowl, he rose. There was one person who would know exactly where his brother was, and he was going to make her tell him, before he had to read about it in the papers. Opening the door to her room, Nikias could see her sleeping on the large bed. He remembered how tired she had been as he saw her lying so peacefully on her back, her head turned to the side, long golden hair framing her soft features. One hand was laid under her gently rising perfect breasts, the nipples visible through the skimpy material of the nightdress she wore, and the other was thrown level with her head, palm side up. Nikias looked down on her, a desire for the young woman before him rising strongly within him as he resisted the overwhelming temptation to reach down and stroke her cheek, running his fingers through the golden hair surrounding her face. He closed his eyes momentarily seeing her wonderful body, knowing how much he wanted her at that point. Running his hand over his mouth, he moved back out of the room. No matter what his brother might do that night, waking her up would be a very bad idea. The way he could feel himself reacting to her sleeping form, God only knew what would happen if she were to look at him with those wonderful blue eyes of hers, and with a frown he chastised himself for desiring such an obvious devious little gold digger. CHAPTER TWO The next morning, Diona awoke feeling refreshed, her eyes looking around with confusion, frowning as she took in the opulence of her surroundings, before the memory of the previous day came crashing down on her. With a small groan, she threw back the sheet before moving into the luxurious en-suite bathroom. Stood under the largest shower she had ever seen she enjoyed the feel of the water as it moved down her, sighing with pleasure as the power shower gently massaged her body. Once showered and dried, she quickly dressed, pulling her hair into a neat prim knot before moving back down the stairs. Once there Diona stood at the foot of the staircase looking around, not sure where to go next as she bit nervously on her bottom lip. As she had refused the offer of dinner the previous night, she had not had a chance to familiarise herself with the layout of the house, and she could feel her stomach complain at not having eaten much in over a day. Standing unsure of what to do next, she heard the sound of footsteps moving down the stairs towards her. Looking back, she felt her whole stomach give a lurch as she saw the unmistakable figure of Nikias Dranias moving towards her, his eyes looking surprised to see her up so early. “Good morning Diona”, he said pleasantly, as he came level with her, making her once more so aware of his physique as he looked down upon her. “Sleep well?” His voice was sensual as it washed over her, making her shiver slightly with the strange sensations it caused to ripple up and then back down her spine. With a frown on her lovely face she looked up at him, as he towered at least a head above her. “Fine”, she answered primly, struggling to keep her voice steady at his closeness and the way it was inexplicably interfering with her entire being. “Is there something I can get for you?”, he asked politely, looking down on her with a strange look in his eyes. Smiling sweetly Diona looked back at him. “A phone or a boat would be nice”, she said quickly as he chuckled. “Hmm maybe not, how about some breakfast instead?”, he returned, flashing her one of the most dazzling smiles she had ever seen, causing her to hold in the sudden gasp which jumped to her lips. About to refuse anything from him, her stomach rumbled painfully, reminding her that she had not eaten for so long, and with a sigh she conceded, “Thank you” He then led her into a large kitchen, with a honey pine table in the centre of the room. Nikias began looking through the fridge, much to Diona’s surprise, as she expected to find breakfast being served in the large dining room by the housekeeper she briefly met the night before. “Are you going to cook?”, she asked, her voice full of surprise as he looked over at her with a small almost boyish grin. “I’m going to try”, he answered with a smile. “My housekeeper has the morning off, and the alternate doesn’t start for another half hour, so it’s help yourself or starve till she arrives” Looking nervously at him, Diona moved forward to pluck the eggs and bacon from his fingers before moving to the large cooker and placing things under the grill and gently poaching the eggs. Nikias watched her, a mocking look in his eyes. “Don’t you trust me Diona?”, he asked with a small chuckle in his voice, as she flashed him a disbelieving look. “About as far as I could throw you”, she replied. He once more laughed, the sound of the deeply masculine rumbling causing Diona to feel her knees shake. He moved over to another cupboard to pull out plates and cutlery, setting the table in time for her to serve up the food and place hot steaming mugs of coffee before them both. “If you don’t like coffee then tough”, she said as she sat down opposite him. He looked over at her with a grin. “Thank you Diona”, rolling her name on his tongue. “Diona…do you know that that is a Greek name?”, watching her as she nodded her head gently. “My grandmother was Greek and I was named after her”, she said softly, seeing the face of the woman who had been one of the few people she could turn to while growing up, before her death five years previously. As she watched him intently, eating the delicious food she prepared, he suddenly looked over at her, catching her staring at him and smiling with an almost knowing mocking look. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with Alexis, care to tell me where he is?”, he asked her softly, his eyes holding hers, now with a purposeful look in them. “Probably running off to marry my poor misguided sister”, she bit back, seeing a look of irritation move over his face. “So you are still holding onto your ridiculous story?”, he said softly, an icy note coming to his voice. “It would be better for you Diona if you were to tell me, because Alexis is like a child, and without you he is very likely to do something stupid” Diona laughed softly, causing him to frown, a look of annoyance on his face, “Without me?”, she mocked him gently, “You think a little gold digger like me could control your oh-so-perfect brother?”, she asked, a small thoughtful look coming to her eyes. “Well maybe they are perfect for each other after all”, she laughed, sitting back in her seat. “Now why don’t you let me go Nikias so I can call my sister and put an end to all this nonsense?” She heard him sighing angrily as he finished his breakfast, lifting their plates and placing them into the dishwasher, partly to hide the strange sensation he felt from first hearing her speak his name. However, her words also irritated him; Nikias moved over to her. “So you continue to stick to this story of yours?”, he asked as she stood up beside him, nodding her head. “Well in that case you won’t mind if I do this”, he said, his arms moving forward so quickly, taking Diona by surprise to pull her in hard against him, his mouth moving down to take hers. For a split second Diona stood perfectly still in shock, before she started to push against him feeling his whole body hard against her, until with a sigh and a shudder moving through her whole being, she stopped struggling, her mouth moving against his, her arms moving around his neck to deepen their embrace. As she felt his hands move up her body, she gave a small whimper, her entire body erupting in a passion she had never before felt. He pulled his lips from hers in stunned surprise. Looking down into her impassioned face, he groaned gently, moving once more to kiss her wonderful soft mouth, lifting her onto the table so that he could lay her down as he half covered her, his mouth travelling down the slender column of her throat as her fingers moved through his hair, her soft mouth moaning gently at his actions. Nikias could feel the raw need for the women beneath him as he unbuttoned the summer shirt she wore, revealing her slender body and the hardness of her nipples as they strained against the fine lacy material containing her. With a masculine groan which resonated from the back of his throat, his teeth gently nipped her, causing her to arch her back gasping loudly as strange sensations ran through her to ache between her legs as she took his face into her hands, pulling his mouth back to hers. His mouth continued to control her before pulling back, his eyes travelling to the golden hair knotted tightly against the nape of her neck. Pulling the pins free, he watched the tresses tumble down, falling down her back and face like a silken golden cloud. He held his breath with the gut-wrenching flash of heat which filled him, Diona so wild and sensual. Once more taking her lips, he felt himself move beyond the ability to stop himself from his need to possess this woman. The need to satiate himself in the softness of her body, in the fire in her eyes which held his. It was only the sound of footsteps, Nikias cursing the timing of the part-time housekeeper, moving along the marble hallway which finally broke the spell between them as she gasped ripping her mouth from his. She pushed him from her as he stepped away, turning his back on her so she would not see the desire still so evident in his eyes. Diona stood in complete shock fixing her shirt, her shaky fingers struggling to do even this small task. As he finally turned back to look at her, he found her staring at him, her eyes haunted and wild, like a trapped animal, her long wavy golden hair framing her perfect body making him yearn to move forward once more to finish what they had started. However, she moved behind the table to put distance between them, those wonderful blue eyes wide as they looked at him with such mortification in them. “You shouldn’t have done that”, she moaned, her voice so unsteady. With a last look at her, he turned. “I just wanted to know how much my brother would be missing you”, he threw back in his need to put as much distance between them as possible, his voice steadier than he felt. “Feel free to use as many of the facilities as you want”, he added before moving out of the kitchen to his office, shutting the door with a resounding bang. Sitting in his office, Nikias ran his fingers angrily through his hair. He meant to shake her up, make her admit she was lying, but it had backfired on him with a vengeance. Now he groaned, feeling the need for her burning deeply within him. Once more he thought Diona Brown was not the same as the other women his brother dated and with a need to put her as far out of his mind as possible he switched on his computer to begin working through the many emails which awaited him. In the kitchen, Diona watched as Nikias moved from the room, his whole body calm and controlled as he seemed to triumph over her weakness. He had meant to show her how little he thought of her, how cheap he thought she was and he succeeded. As her legs felt suddenly so weak she sank down onto one of the chairs, her eyes closing painfully remembering how he laid her on the table she now leant against. She remembered how he dominated her, causing her to react so dramatically to him, to feel such a need to have him do so much more to her. Raising still-shaky hands, she tried to pull her hair back into the knot, giving up as her fingers refused to work. His kiss was wonderful, his tongue pulling such a response from her, and she felt another jolt just remembering how he nipped her, feeling a flush rising to her cheeks, as she dropped her head into her arms with a soft moan. She had to get off this island, not only to save her sister, but she thought warily, to save herself. Rising from the table with purpose, she moved up to the second floor of the lovely building, moving in and out of the different rooms. In each she picked up the phone, grimacing as each and every one was, as he already told her, dead. However, one of these rooms would be his, and right now he was downstairs somewhere in his office leaving her free to search. As she reached one door she found it to be locked, and she cursed gently, realising that he had outmanoeuvred her once more. Diona spent nearly a half an hour on her fruitless search, amazed at the size of the home. Finally she decided to search the island for other outbuildings he might have missed, perhaps she could even get one of the people she had spotted earlier to give her a lift off or even just to let her use their mobile phone. As she moved quietly back down the stairs she dropped down, as she saw him exiting a room at the end of the hall where, unaware of her presence, he headed into another room. Hardly believing her luck, Diona silently ran down the rest of the stairs slipping into the room he just left, realising that it was indeed as she suspected: his office. A large wooden desk which probably cost as much as her whole flat took up a prime position close to a picture window looking out over the cliff, and she was once more reminded of the wildness of the house setting, the thought that it suited its owner so well fleeting through her mind. Rushing over to the phone she picked it up, hearing the dial tone, much to her relief. As she began to dial her sister’s mobile number, the tone died as a message requested she enter the three digit security number. Looking in disbelief at the phone, she cursed it, placing it back onto its cradle, her eyes scanning the room for some other means with which to contact her sister. Spotting the computer on the desk she quickly moved over, pressing the keys in the hope that he left it connected - a hope which was quickly dashed as she had been requested to enter a password. Closing her eyes in defeat she stared at the screen. “Give up”, a voice from the other end of the room spoke softly, causing her to lift her head quickly to see Nikias watching her from the door, which she had not heard open. “And just so you know, I have banned all mobile phones for the week and threatened anybody who agrees to take you across to the mainland with immediate dismissal”, he added, almost as though he had read her mind. Clenching her hands angrily by her side and gritting her teeth, she glared at the man on the other side of the room. “You have to let me off this island… I need to save my sister from your damn brother”, she bit out, her tone low and angry. “While you are here, as far as I am concerned my brother is safe… at least from you”, he retorted, his tone just as controlled as hers, as the two glared at each other, both feeling the way the very air between them was charged. As Nikias moved towards her, Diona panicked, suddenly so aware of the handsome tall man before her, and she moved around him nimbly, reaching the door and fleeing from the room, moving out of the house in a sudden need to feel fresh air on her body. Standing in his office, Nikias watched her leave, seeing how she fled, her eyes full of panic. He frowned gently, feeling once again the need for her made more acute by the fact that she had not tied up her hair, and it still hung around her body giving her a sensual look, which caused the blood in his veins to boil so alarmingly. God she was good, he thought, even her hard-to-get innocent act was better than any other he had come across, and he knew that she was trouble with a capital T. However, lifting up the phone he quickly barked out commands in Greek before moving out of the room to find her. He spotted her moving down the path towards the beach and with a grin he knew that she was still searching for a way off the island, admiring her perseverance in spite of himself, as he quickly caught up with her. Moving as quickly as she was able down the uneven path, Diona heard him calling her name, stopping in her tracks as she looked back, watching intently as he strode towards her. “Will you promise to give up trying to escape?”, he asked, his eyes holding hers. “Absolutely not”, she threw back defiantly, with such determination that he looked heavenwards, muttering something she could not understand, in Greek. “In that case I will have to make sure that you don’t get yourself into any trouble”, he finally said, his expression grim as she glared back at him. “Do you ride Diona?”, he asked more softly, as she frowned at him in surprise. “A little”, she replied, her voice confused as he placed a hand on her back, instantly causing sensations to travel up and down her body, as he directed her to a path to the side of where she was currently walking. “Then at least let me show you the island, and prove that there is no way off” With that he led her to an area which opened up into a stable block, where a man already stood with two horses saddled and ready to go. Offering her a hat, which she took and secured on her head, he moved over to talk to the man holding the beautiful animals. Taking the largest, a black thorough-bred stallion, he swung easily onto the animal, sitting so well, controlling the magnificent beast. Shaking her head in thanks at the offer of help, Diona placed her foot into the stirrup of the smaller mare, a magnificent chestnut, quickly pulling herself into the saddle, as she fixed the stirrup to the right length. “So you ride”, he stated with approval. “Not for years”, she responded, despite herself feeling a sense of exhilaration at once more being on the back of such a wonderful animal. “Daryle and I used to ride before my mother...” Diona stopped, looking away for a moment as he looked at her in surprise, seeing the way her face became suddenly so sad before she once more regained her composure looking at him with her chin raised defiantly. “I can manage”, her tone more in control. With a smile he then led her down towards the beach. They spent the morning riding around the beautiful lush island. Nikias proved to be an excellent guide as he pointed out different points of interest to her, and she found herself enjoying his company, laughing with him as he seemed to relax in her presence, making small jokes and laughing back at hers. As they galloped across one of the beaches, she held her breath at how perfectly he controlled the large animal which fought so hard to go faster while he kept it level with her. She quickly found everything she learnt as a child came rushing back to her, and she smiled back at him with real joy on her face. She enjoyed the feel of the graceful animal under her and the wind whipping her hair which fell down her back, blowing it around her shoulders as she laughed happily, forgetting for a time why she was there. At lunchtime they were met on one of the beaches by a young woman holding the hand of a small girl. The two talked to Nikias, who had lithely dismounted. They handed him a basket with food, which he laid down as he lifted the small girl, tickling her. Diona watched how his handsome face once more broke into that heart-stopping dazzling smile at the small child who laughed back at him, before he put her once more onto her feet, waving as the two moved back up to the house. He then moved to help her dismount from the tall animal, his hands on her waist instantly causing her body to jump alarmingly. “Your child?”, she questioned, as he grinned back at her. “No, my housekeeper’s grand-daughter, her daughter is staying here for a few days holiday”, he smiled, a mocking look entering his eyes. “To my knowledge I don’t have any children” Diona looked over at him. “It must be so hard to keep up”, she bit out, a small edge coming to her voice as he once more looked at her, a smile on his lips. “You seem to have a very low opinion of me, Diona”, he murmured, his voice soft as he looked over at her, passing over packs of sandwiches and drinks which she accepted hungrily. “And yet it is probably better than the one you have of me, or my sister”, she countered, seeing the smile play on his lips. “And what have I done to gain your censure?”, he asked softly, as she looked at him with disbelief. “You mean other than kidnapping me and keeping me a prisoner on this island?”, her voice incredulous. “Yes apart from that”, he replied smoothly, his lips twitching seeing how she looked away, her eyes watching the waves before returning to him. “After our little run-in at the restaurant, and before you had me spirited away, I read an article about you”, her voice accusing. “There seemed to be a lot of different women in the pictures, which makes me think that you like to play the field Nikias, so I have to wonder how you can be so hard on your brother when you are little better yourself” Nikias frowned, remembering the article she was referring to. It had been the board’s idea to do the interview, something which he usually shied away from, liking his privacy. He remembered the attractive interviewer, her name escaping him, and how she flirted with him the whole morning, before he took her to his bed, spending a very forgettable afternoon with her. Looking over at Diona, he felt the feelings rising within him again. Why did this woman disrupt him so much when women like the reporter, and if he was honest with himself all his other recent lovers, left him lukewarm? As he watched her thoughtfully, his mobile began to vibrate, as a text was delivered. Pulling it from his jeans he looked at the caller ID, seeing his brother’s name and reading the short message with a frown on his face. Am ok. Will phone later need to sort something out. With a small smile, he looked over at Diona. “Seems your boyfriend is managing without you”, he said, reading out the message to her as she frowned back at him. “Why is it so hard to get through to you that Alexis is not my boyfriend? Sort something out... what does that mean? And what about my sister?”, she asked with annoyance. With a grin, he once more rose to his feet, having eaten his fill. “Well he won’t be your boyfriend for very much longer”, he smiled, elated that his plan to split up Diona and Alexis was working so well. Although he wondered if there was another reason for now wanting to see the two apart, once more looking down on her wonderful features as she sat looking out to sea, her teeth biting softly on her lip in concentration. Diona sighed gently. The text did not exactly sound as though the two were married yet, in fact she wondered if they had a fight. Part of her hoped that this was indeed the case, while at the same time she was concerned for her little sister, knowing how badly she took breakups, not that there had been many in her young life. Looking back over at Nikias she looked down at the phone in his pocket. “Don’t suppose you would lend that to me for a moment so I could phone my sister…find out what is going on?”, she asked in a voice which had already resigned itself to the fact that he would not let her have it. He smiled back at her. “Let me think…no”, his answer, moving over to offer his linked hands for her to remount her horse, before easily pulling himself onto his own. For the rest of the afternoon he was in a great mood as they continued with their trip around the island. It was nearly five in the evening before they finally arrived back at the stables. As she dismounted, she smiled ruefully. “Well the one thing I don’t miss about riding is the smell” She grinned at him, as he nodded in agreement, once more flashing her one of his smiles which had her heart flip-flopping in her chest. She placed her hands on her back, stretching slightly. “That and the fact that I’ve not been in a saddle for over ten years”, she added. With a laugh he looked at her with a sympathetic light in his eyes. “In that case you might be a little stiff in the morning”, he said, his eyes watching as she stretched her body, once more feeling the hunger rising within him as he averted his eyes. Soon this woman would be well and truly out of his hair he thought to himself; however the thought did not make him as pleased as he thought it would. The two then returned to the house before moving up to their own bedrooms. Once more Nikias told her that dinner would be at seven, this time seeing how she nodded, murmuring that she would be there. In the shower Diona enjoyed feeling the warm water relaxing her muscles which were already starting to ache slightly. She took her time dressing, not really understanding her sudden need to make more of an effort. She pulled on the soft baby blue shirt Daryle had given her for her birthday from the exclusive boutique she worked in; she knew she looked good. The perfectly tailored top showed off her wonderful figure along with the white silky skirt which matched it so well. Leaving her hair down, she secured it at the sides with clips which stopped it falling over her face, finishing off by putting on some light makeup and lip gloss. Looking at the time she saw it was now quarter to seven, amazed at how long it had taken for her to get ready, as she moved back down the stairs. Walking into the dining room she saw Nikias leaning against the large fireplace, talking on his mobile. He smiled briefly at her as he continued his conversation. Diona instantly recognised the language he was speaking so fluently as French, a language she herself spoke well. He was discussing problems with a shipment and was laying down the law to the man who was on the other end of the phone, his voice full of authority, clipped and masterful. She was glad that she made a little effort with her appearance, seeing how he dressed in a light blue long-sleeved shirt and black trousers which fitted his slim waist so well. She averted her eyes to stop herself staring at his long lean body, his shoulders broad as they tapered down to his slim hips. She could see the long length of his back, the columns of which stood visibly beneath the shirt as he leant forward to write something down in a notebook. Finally he called off, the small frown still visible on his brow. “I am sorry about that”, he said, looking over at her and with admiration. “Business”, he added, his tone apologetic. “So I heard”, she replied, “Suppliers……but what are you going to do?” Diona shrugging softly “Shut them down and set up our own supply chain”, he replied grimly, before looking at her in surprise, “You speak French?” Diona nodded slightly. “Learned at school?”, he asked, watching as she shook her head. “No, while doing volunteer work with Sans Frontier”, she said, seeing the way he raised his eyebrow in surprise. “YOU worked for Sans Frontier?”, he said in disbelief, seeing the way her mouth tightened before she shrugged her small shoulders once more. “Believe what you want” she bit tartly, his tone softening “I’m sorry, it was just a bit of a surprise, that’s all”, he smiled apologetically. At that moment the housekeeper entered the room, wheeling in a tray full of plates of steaming aromatic dishes, which she placed on the table with a smile. The two then took their seats as he poured her some delicious wine, which she sipped slowly, savouring the expensive merlot, before enjoying the wonderful food which was served on the large mahogany table. Once more Diona was surprised at what good company Nikias was as he talked to her about Greece in a manner which fascinated her, before he asked her about her work with the charity, which she talked to him about with an obvious passion. After dinner they moved into one of the many living rooms, where Diona admired the large ornate chess board which sat in pride of place on the table in the middle of the room. “Do you play?”, he asked in surprise as she nodded. “I used to play a lot”, she said ruefully, adding sadly, “Don’t seem to get much of a chance these days” He offered to play her a game, more out of politeness, as he rarely found anybody who could beat him in chess. Of all things, Nikias was a master planner, something which stood him in good stead when playing such a game. However, he been pleasantly surprised as she played magnificently. He had to really think hard, as she outmanoeuvred him in several traps he set for her, often turning the tables on him, and he enjoyed the game tremendously. Eventually though he won, seeing how she smiled, conceding the game. “Like I said - it’s been a while”, she grinned before giving a small yawn. “Thank you for the game Nikias, but I think I will turn in now if you don’t mind”, she said, as he stood and taking her fingers in his hand, kissed them. “Thank you, you play very well”, his voice husky from just the touch of her fingers on his lips. He could see how she flushed slightly, her eyes filling with a smouldering look, which she tried to hide from him as she moved quickly out of the room. That night in her bed Diona saw only his face, and as she fell once more to sleep she remembered the feel of his mouth on hers, moaning with such a strange feeling of pleasure which filled her whole body as she sighed gently. CHAPTER THREE Waking up the following morning, Diona grimaced, her body stiff after the previous day’s exercise. With a small grin she chided herself on her state of fitness, wondering if Nikias was suffering, while instinctively knowing that he would not be, given how toned his body looked. Flushing slightly at this thought Diona threw the covers off, moving to the shower. After she dressed, she moved slowly down the stairs, wincing every now and then before suddenly seeing Nikias at the bottom of the stairs. He looked up at her, a knowing sympathetic smile coming to his lips. “Good morning”, he said brightly as she gave him a small weak return smile. “You will be glad to know that you don’t have to suffer the threat of my cooking this morning”, he joked, as he moved through to the dining room. Following him, she smelled the delicious aroma of sausages, eggs, bacon and a host of other tempting delights. Taking some toast and cereal, she sat opposite him, watching with a disbelieving smile on her lips as he piled his plate with food. “How on earth do you keep yourself so trim eating all that?”, she asked before she could stop the words from leaving her mouth. He looked up at her with a small grin. “Well I appreciate the compliment Diona”, he said, his eyes full of mockery, as she flushed at what she just said. “I...I mean, don’t you know that is very bad for you?”, she added as primly as possible, while he just carried on smiling at her. “So what are your plans for today?”, he asked her, seeing those lovely blue eyes look back at him as she raised her chin defiantly once more. “Same as they have always been”, she said, “To find a way off this island and find my sister” He chuckled gently. “I will give you marks for perseverance Diona”, he murmured softly, his smile widening as she scowled at him. “I know a lovely beach where you can swim. We could take some snorkelling equipment and see if that helps with your stiffness”, he offered gently, seeing how she grimaced as she moved. For a second Diona felt like telling him to go to hell, part of her panicking at spending so much time with him, not fully understanding why herself. However, with a small sigh she nodded, part of her wanting to have him with her as she told herself it would give her a chance to perhaps get to the phone he kept in his pocket. However another part of her laughed at such a flimsy justification. After breakfast she moved back upstairs, moaning gently as her body complained. She put on the bikini she brought with her, realising it was the one which Daryle gave to her when she found out that her sister only possessed one-piece swimsuits, frowning slightly thinking that it was perhaps a little more sexy than she would have liked. However, when she had been packing she was more pre-occupied with her sister’s predicament than on selecting the correct clothes. She put on her shorts and a summer blouse over the top which complimented the golden tones of her hair, which was once more securely fastened in a ponytail at the back of her head. Grabbing her sunglasses and a summer hat, she left the bedroom. Returning to the large foyer, she found Nikias already waiting for her; he too was dressed in shorts, which she assumed were swimming trunks, and a t-shirt which clung to his lean body. He looked up at her as she came down, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses as he smiled at her. “Don’t we need towels or snorkels?”, she asked, seeing how he carried nothing. He grinned again. “All sorted”, he simply said, opening the door to let her pass. He then directed her to a path following the cliff side, which quickly became steps moving down to the beach below. When they reached the bottom, Diona could already feel her stiff muscles start to relax as she took a few moments to catch her breath. Here she saw a small shed which he opened pulling out towels, masks and snorkels. “Made more sense to leave everything down here rather than lugging everything up and down those stairs”, he said with a small laugh in his voice. Diona gave a small agreeing nod as she helped him move everything near the water’s edge. As he pulled off his t-shirt she held back the small gasp, seeing his contoured torso which caused a sudden jolt of want to course through her own body. He was magnificent; his wide broad shoulders tapered down to such a finely toned stomach. She followed the V at his midriff as it disappeared beneath his shorts, her throat feeling suddenly very dry at the sight of how beautiful he looked, with his long back arching in such a way as to have her wondering what it would be like to run her fingers down him. Dropping her eyes in total confusion as to the feelings he was evoking within her, Diona turned away, slowly pulling off her shorts and shirt, knowing how little she wore underneath. As she turned back, she could see the way his eyes were sliding over her, a look of desire in them as he took in her ripe breasts and long flat stomach, her bottom flaring out so temptingly, before he put back on his glasses to hide the embers of desire that burned within him. His voice was a little husky as he asked if she had ever used a face mask before. “I did some scuba diving when I was younger”, she told him much to his surprise, as he watched her gently spit into the mask to stop it from steaming up, before washing it in the clear water. As she stepped into the aqua depths, she gasped with a small giggle. “It’s cold”, she laughed, as she gingerly moved forward. “Now you will never get in that way”, he laughed, splashing past her before diving cleanly into the refreshing water. As he stood, his whole body glistened as he pushed his hair back from his face before splashing her, making her gasp at the sudden feel of the cold water on her warm skin, laughing despite herself. Finally she laid back in the water feeling herself panting briefly at the sudden change of temperature before it became so pleasant, cooling her down. Looking over, she could see that he had already put on his mask and was waiting for her, as she followed suit. He led the way as they swam together, watching the schools of small brightly coloured fish as they dove under them. Diona felt herself becoming completely relaxed, suddenly realising how much fun she was having. A small jolt of guilt passed over her as she realised that she should be looking for a way off the island, not enjoying floating in the clear waters with the very man who trapped her there. However, glancing over at him she felt annoyance at her sister at having put her in this predicament in the first place, along with such a strange sensation seeing how he flashed her yet another of those dazzling smiles, while pointing below. As he dove down, she followed him as they shadowed a small octopus through the crystal-clear water. As they once more returned to the shallows, she stood up to her waist and Diona pulled off her mask, catching it in the bobble holding back her wet hair. With a small action of annoyance she pulled the hair free, dropping her head backwards into the water to smooth out the long hair so that it laid flat against her back. Looking over at Nikias she held her breath seeing the smouldering look in his eyes as he followed her actions. As their eyes met, the electric signal which passed between them was almost tangible, both their faces showing the sudden desire which flared between them. Moving forward he took her hips, pulling her closer in against him, his mouth once more dropping to take hers, as with a groan she allowed him, her mouth meeting his hungrily. Winding her arms around his neck, she felt his moving around her waist, pulling her closely against him so that she could feel the hardness of his arousal against her stomach. With a groan, he lifted her slightly off her feet, holding her to him so tightly, as his lips continued to hold hers, his tongue exploring her soft mouth as he moved forward. Reaching the shore, he laid her on one of the towels, the water still lapping over their feet as he began to kiss down her neck, his mouth finding and holding the lobe of her ear. She exploded below him, her hands moving along his chest, feeling the rough hairs below her fingers, as her hands flattened to caress him. He lifted his head to look down into her face, their eyes meeting, causing such electric signals to pass through them again, as he once more dropped his head, this time his mouth moving to the bikini top and the hardened nipples which strained against the thin material. As his teeth grazed the hardness she moaned under him, her body moving so sensually against him, as his hand found the clip under her breast and released it, freeing her from the top to allow him to finally look down on her wonderful body, which was causing such disruption in his. With a masculine sound at the back of his throat he once more dropped his head to fully cover one of her lovely nipples, his mouth and tongue sucking and licking her so erotically that she was writhing below him with such a need of her own. He moved his mouth to run it along the line of her stomach, his tongue following the contour as she groaned, her whole body on fire with such a desire for him. He wanted this woman like no other, and he knew that he had to have her, feeling the strength of his arousal for her, knowing that he needed to feel himself within her. As her hand brushed against the hardness of him, it took all his effort not to explode there and then, as with determination he pulled away from her to remove his trunks. The sound of his mobile phone broke the spell between the two as she gasped, sitting up and pulling her arms around her legs, covering her breasts. With a tortured groan he moved over to where his phone was carefully placed under a towel, and with shaky fingers he looked at the caller ID, quickly answering as he recognised his brother’s number. “Where the hell are you?”, he bit out, making Diona, who still sat in total confusion at what just happened, look over quickly. As she pulled the bikini top back together, she once more hugged herself, her hands trembling as she watched him, seeing his face become angry and harder. Looking over at her, he quickly changed to speak in Greek, a deliberate action so that she would not be able to understand him she knew, as she looked down, still trying to calm her breathing, which was so ragged at what had just passed between them. Diona stood on unsteady feet, seeing how his eyes followed her, as she pulled on her shorts and shirt over her wet bikini, suddenly feeling the need to have more protection from him. She dropped her head to hide her expressive eyes from him as he followed her every action, his face now frowning. As the call finished, Nikias looked down at the phone, his expression full of anger. “Well it seems that Alexis is still not prepared to come home”, he said glaring. “Where is he Diona?”, he asked, his voice suddenly icy as she shook her head. “I don’t know…did he say anything about my sister?”, she asked him softly, a tone of concern in her voice. She jumped as he angrily turned on her. “Enough!”, he bit out, his eyes blazing down. “Your little game is getting very weary, Diona” He moved over and grabbed her by the shoulders, releasing her instantly as the overwhelming desire once more filled him. “I’m telling you the truth”, she cried back at him, a small look of fear crossing her lovely eyes. Nikias stepped back, grabbing his t-shirt while pulling it over his head in frustration as he muttered in Greek. “I have work to do…I’ll see you at dinner…maybe then you will feel more like talking”, his voice clipped, the anger still evident, as he turned and started to move up the steps built into the cliff side. Diona sank back down onto the sand, her eyes watching him disappearing out of sight, before she sunk her head back into her hands, feeling tears prickling at her eyes. Once more she wondered what happened. She had encouraged him, wanted him in a way that she could still feel beating within her. What the hell was she playing at - he was using her, she knew that. He saw her as a way to find his brother, nothing more, nothing less, but she could feel the way his whole image seemed burnt into her very mind. His love-making, she told herself, was just another way for him to ensure that his brother’s romance would be over, and she groaned with pain, standing up with a renewed need to find her way off this damned island. For the rest of the day, she wandered aimlessly; stopping to speak to the few other people she met. As none of them spoke English, she mimed at them, asking if they had phones. However, nobody did and she smiled kindly at them as she continued on her way not prepared to ask about a boat, remembering how he told her that if anybody helped her off the island they would be fired. Diona did not want to be the cause of anybody losing their job, and she felt sure that Nikias was not a man who made idle threats. As she returned to the house, she felt hungry, suddenly realising that she had not eaten lunch that day, and she briefly considered going into the kitchen to find something to eat. However, the thought of bumping into Nikias made her shiver with sensations she was trying so hard to ignore. Better to stay in her room, she finally told herself, than to risk coming across him again. Looking at her watch, she sighed seeing that she had plenty of time until dinner as it was still only four in the afternoon. However, as she entered her room, her whole body suddenly felt heavy. Diona was not used to the intense heat, or the long hours walking in it, and she felt tired as she dropped onto the bed, almost instantly falling into a deep sleep, her body draped across the cool cream sheets as her hair streamed across the covers like a halo. Nikias heard her enter the house and sat for a while thinking about this woman who was causing such disruption to his orderly world. Closing his eyes, he could still see her wonderful body, and he knew that he wanted her with a need which he had not felt for any woman for such a long time. His wealth, along with his good looks and charismatic presence, made him a big attraction to women. They threw themselves at him, and he found himself bored with them after a very short time. True, as she said, he played the field, but he found that he had little interest in them once he bedded them, finding most women to be shallow and of little substance and he quickly came to view them as disposable. However, this little witch was getting to him, this woman whom his brother had decided to marry, this woman who was an obvious little gold digger. Nikias scowled thinking about Diona, yes she was the worst kind of woman, yet she was also smart, funny, and full of surprises. She had not pursued him as most did, in fact while she so obviously returned his desire, she seemed to fight the attraction she felt towards him, making him want her all the more. His brother’s phone call not only angered him, it made him feel so guilty. Alexis told him on the phone that he had a problem that he had to sort out before he could come home. Nikias heard the pain in his voice, knowing that he was looking for the woman he had so nearly made love to; the woman he still yearned to make love to, her face coming to his mind. He stood with determination, and for one of the few times in his life he decided that he was going to put his needs before those of his brother. He wanted the women upstairs, and with certainty he knew that he had to have her, no matter how much it might upset Alexis. Moving up the stairs he gently tapped on her door. Hearing no sound he moved inside, seeing her asleep on the bed. As he stood over her, watching her sleeping form, he held in the groan as he thought how child-like she looked as she lay so innocently. He frowned at this thought, knowing what she was, but still feeling the need for her invading his whole being. With a small sigh, he left the room, needing to think carefully about how he approached Diona Brown. After several hours of blissful peace, Diona awoke, feeling refreshed from her sleep. Looking at her watch, she gasped, seeing that it was nearly 6:30 and feeling the telling pangs of hunger in her stomach. Moving into the shower, she washed before dressing. As she started to pull her hair into its usual knot, she stilled her hands before pulling her hair around her shoulders, seeing how it softened her lovely features. Not fully understanding her own feelings at that moment, she let it hang down around her as she dressed in a red shirt and black skirt, seeing in the mirror how lovely she looked. Diona never really bothered about her looks before, leaving that to her sister, who was beautiful and knew it. She preferred to slip quietly into the background, although given that she was every bit as attractive as her sister, this had not always been possible. Many men tried to get to know her better, but she never encouraged them and most gave up fairly quickly. However, Nikias had completely breached her usual defences and she was confused and more than a little shaken with her reaction to him. She had been a little late going downstairs, and moving into the dining room, she frowned seeing no food or Nikias in evidence. As she looked around and was about to go into the kitchen, she backed into him as he at that moment walked into the room. Off-balance, he caught her by the waist, steadying her. She quickly moved forward away from him, her senses once more in turmoil at the feel of his hands on her. “It’s a nice night, I thought we could have dinner on the veranda”, he said, his voice a little husky, as she turned to look at him, her eyes bright, her face a little flushed. Diona nodded, dropping her head so that he would not see the smouldering look in her eyes. “Thanks”, she said raggedly, as he turned to lead her to the veranda which was lit with candles and small fairy lights. Diona looked over at him suspiciously, seeing the romantic trappings everywhere as the soft music began to play. With wariness she took her seat, as he poured her a large glass of wine. “Good sleep?”, he asked, as her eyes flew up to meet his. “How did you know that I was asleep?”, she asked sharply, as he looked over at her with no change to his easy expression. “I went up to talk to you… you were asleep” Diona caught her breath, her eyes full of shock. “I would appreciate it Mr Dranias”, she said haughtily, “if you would not just wander into my room when the whim takes you, you told me the first day we met that you were a civilised man, please behave that way” He looked back at her with a mocking look in his eyes which made her feel even angrier. “I’ll bear that in mind Miss Brown” He laughed gently at her prickly expression. “It can be very tiring walking around this island”, he said softly, “And the heat can get to you when you are not used to it”, he added gently. “You must be hungry - from what I hear you didn’t have any lunch”, Nikias suddenly feeling a little guilty at not ensuring that somebody had provided her with food. Diona shrugged her shoulders, feeling a little flustered at his consideration, as she dug into the moussaka in the centre of the small table. As the two ate, he talked easily, not once mentioning the incident that morning or the phone call from his brother. Diona, however, was not able to fully relax, still feeling the way his closeness affected her. As they finished their meal, she made to leave. “I think I’ll have an early night...read something”, she added, planning to visit his library which she noticed on her first day which seemed to be well stocked. However, he stopped her. “There is something I would very much like to talk to you about”, he said gently as he rose, taking her hand in his, causing Diona’s whole body to jump to attention. “What?”, she asked. “I have no idea where your brother is”, she added warily. Looking at her with a thoughtful expression on his face, he shook his head. “It’s not that … Although it does involve my brother”, he said with a small frown. Still holding her hand, he began to walk through the gardens at the front of the house, before reaching a small seat shielded within a lovely secluded area in which the moonlight shone down on them. Looking at him as he sat down beside her, she waited to hear what he had to say. “Why are you with my brother Diona?”, he asked looking intently at her. “You have nothing in common…you are not his usual type” Diona looked back at him with annoyance on her face. “I have told you countless times that I am not with your brother”, she replied impatiently. Nikias looked stonily on her, before looking away sighing, ignoring her comment. “You see, I know that you see my brother as a good catch. Rich, young, he must be very tempting” He raised his hand for her to let him finish, seeing how she opened her mouth to protest. “But as I told you the first day we met, he has no money of his own. I own everything. I control all of the money” With a small pause he looked deeply into her confused eyes. “So it seems to me that you would be far better off if you switched brothers”, he said looking intently at her. Diona gasped in shock. “Are you asking me to stop seeing your brother and start seeing you?”, she asked wide-eyed. He smiled. “Obviously not on the same terms…I have no desire for a wife, but as my mistress” Diona jumped to her feet, her fists clenched at her side, her whole body shaking with the angry indignation which arose within her. “I have no wish to become your mistress”, she cried at him, her tone full of contempt. “What kind of man are you? My God - you would do that to your own brother?” He stood up to tower over her. “Let’s not play games Diona, I will make it financially worth your while”, he said softly, as she gasped again. “So now you see me as some kind of prostitute?”, she cried, as she stepped back from him, the shock clearly showing on her lovely face. Nikias frowned down on her knowing this was not going the way he had planned. “You cannot tell me that you love my brother, Diona”, he said. “You and he are totally incompatible which tells me that you are after his money. I am telling you that he has no money, but that I am willing to make sure that you are well taken care of in a deal which will be more honest for everybody” Diona took another step back, glaring at the man before her. “Stay away from me Nikias”, she cried at him as she saw how he made to come closer to her. With another frown he continued, “Name your price Diona; I will pay it to have you in my bed” Lifting her chin proudly, Diona stared back at the man before her. “I am not for sale Nikias”, she declared through trembling lips, feeling the tears rising in her eyes, as she turned to run from him. Standing totally still, Nikias stared after her disappearing form, totally confused. She had not even given his offer consideration, and were those real tears in her eyes? He could even now feel the way his body yearned for her, cursing her for making him feel that way, and with a small angry sigh he made to follow her into the house, knowing that she would have fled to her room and also knowing that he could not follow her there.   Publication Date: January 30th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-zpa80b81ae4c525

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William Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet PERSONS REPRESENTED Escalus, Prince of Verona. Paris, a young Nobleman, kinsman to the Prince. Montague & Capulet, Heads of two Houses at variance with each other. An Old Man, Uncle to Capulet. Romeo, Son to Montague. Mercutio, Kinsman to the Prince, and Friend to Romeo. Benvolio, Nephew to Montague, and Friend to Romeo. Tybalt, Nephew to Lady Capulet. Friar Lawrence, a Franciscan. Friar John, of the same Order. Balthasar, Servant to Romeo. Sampson, Servant to Capulet. Gregory, Servant to Capulet. Peter, Servant to Juliet's Nurse. Abraham, Servant to Montague. An Apothecary. Three Musicians. Chorus. Page to Paris; another Page. An Officer. Lady Montague, Wife to Montague. Lady Capulet, Wife to Capulet. Juliet, Daughter to Capulet. Nurse to Juliet. Citizens of Verona; several Men and Women, relations to both houses; Maskers, Guards, Watchmen, and Attendants. SCENE. - During the greater part of the Play in Verona; once, in the Fifth Act, at Mantua. THE PROLOGUE [Enter Chorus.] Chor. Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows Doth with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which but their children's end naught could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; The which, if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend. ACT I. Scene I. A public place. [Enter Sampson and Gregory armed with swords and bucklers.] Sampson. Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals. Gregory. No, for then we should be colliers. Sampson. I mean, an we be in choler we'll draw. Gregory. Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar. Sampson. I strike quickly, being moved. Gregory. But thou art not quickly moved to strike. Sampson. A dog of the house of Montague moves me. Gregory. To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand: therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away. Sampson. A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's. Gregory. That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall. Sampson. True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's men from the wall and thrust his maids to the wall. Gregory. The quarrel is between our masters and us their men. Sampson. 'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I have fought with the men I will be cruel with the maids, I will cut off their heads. Gregory. The heads of the maids? Sampson. Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; take it in what sense thou wilt. Gregory. They must take it in sense that feel it. Sampson. Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh. Gregory. 'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor-John. - Draw thy tool; Here comes two of the house of Montagues. Sampson. My naked weapon is out: quarrel! I will back thee. Gregory. How! turn thy back and run? Sampson. Fear me not. Gregory. No, marry; I fear thee! Sampson. Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin. Gregory. I will frown as I pass by; and let them take it as they list. Sampson. Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them; which is disgrace to them if they bear it. [Enter Abraham and Balthasar.] Abraham. Do you bite your thumb at us, sir? Sampson. I do bite my thumb, sir. Abraham. Do you bite your thumb at us, sir? Sampson. Is the law of our side if I say ay? Gregory. No. Sampson. No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir; but I bite my thumb, sir. Gregory. Do you quarrel, sir? Abraham. Quarrel, sir! no, sir. Sampson. But if you do, sir, am for you: I serve as good a man as you. Abraham. No better. Sampson. Well, sir. Gregory. Say better; here comes one of my master's kinsmen. Sampson. Yes, better, sir. Abraham. You lie. Sampson. Draw, if you be men. - Gregory, remember thy swashing blow. [They fight.] [Enter Benvolio.] Benvolio. Part, fools! put up your swords; you know not what you do. [Beats down their swords.] [Enter Tybalt.] Tybalt. What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds? Turn thee Benvolio, look upon thy death. Benvolio. I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword, Or manage it to part these men with me. Tybalt. What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee: Have at thee, coward! [They fight.] [Enter several of both Houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens with clubs.] 1 Citizen. Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down! Down with the Capulets! Down with the Montagues! [Enter Capulet in his gown, and Lady Capulet.] Capulet. What noise is this? - Give me my long sword, ho! Lady Capulet. A crutch, a crutch! - Why call you for a sword? Capulet. My sword, I say! - Old Montague is come, And flourishes his blade in spite of me. [Enter Montague and his Lady Montague.] Montague. Thou villain Capulet! - Hold me not, let me go. Lady Montague. Thou shalt not stir one foot to seek a foe. [Enter Prince, with Attendants.] Prince. Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel, - Will they not hear? - What, ho! you men, you beasts, That quench the fire of your pernicious rage With purple fountains issuing from your veins, - On pain of torture, from those bloody hands Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground And hear the sentence of your moved prince. - Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word, By thee, old Capulet, and Montague, Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets; And made Verona's ancient citizens Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments, To wield old partisans, in hands as old, Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate: If ever you disturb our streets again, Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace. For this time, all the rest depart away: - You, Capulet, shall go along with me; - And, Montague, come you this afternoon, To know our farther pleasure in this case, To old Free-town, our common judgment-place. - Once more, on pain of death, all men depart. [Exeunt Prince and Attendants; Capulet, Lady Capulet, Tybalt, Citizens, and Servants.] Montague. Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach? - Speak, nephew, were you by when it began? Benvolio. Here were the servants of your adversary And yours, close fighting ere I did approach: I drew to part them: in the instant came The fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepar'd; Which, as he breath'd defiance to my ears, He swung about his head, and cut the winds, Who, nothing hurt withal, hiss'd him in scorn: While we were interchanging thrusts and blows, Came more and more, and fought on part and part, Till the prince came, who parted either part. Lady Montague. O, where is Romeo? - saw you him to-day? - Right glad I am he was not at this fray. Benvolio. Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun Peer'd forth the golden window of the east, A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad; Where, - underneath the grove of sycamore That westward rooteth from the city's side, - So early walking did I see your son: Towards him I made; but he was ware of me, And stole into the covert of the wood: I, measuring his affections by my own, - That most are busied when they're most alone, - Pursu'd my humour, not pursuing his, And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me. Montague. Many a morning hath he there been seen, With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew, Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs: But all so soon as the all-cheering sun Should in the farthest east begin to draw The shady curtains from Aurora's bed, Away from light steals home my heavy son, And private in his chamber pens himself; Shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out And makes himself an artificial night: Black and portentous must this humour prove, Unless good counsel may the cause remove. Benvolio. My noble uncle, do you know the cause? Montague. I neither know it nor can learn of him. Benvolio. Have you importun'd him by any means? Montague. Both by myself and many other friends; But he, his own affections' counsellor, Is to himself, - I will not say how true, - But to himself so secret and so close, So far from sounding and discovery, As is the bud bit with an envious worm Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air, Or dedicate his beauty to the sun. Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow, We would as willingly give cure as know. Benvolio. See, where he comes: so please you step aside; I'll know his grievance or be much denied. Montague. I would thou wert so happy by thy stay To hear true shrift. - Come, madam, let's away, [Exeunt Montague and Lady.] [Enter Romeo.] Benvolio. Good morrow, cousin. Romeo. Is the day so young? Benvolio. But new struck nine. Romeo. Ay me! sad hours seem long. Was that my father that went hence so fast? Benvolio. It was. - What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours? Romeo. Not having that which, having, makes them short. Benvolio. In love? Romeo. Out, - Benvolio. Of love? Romeo. Out of her favour where I am in love. Benvolio. Alas, that love, so gentle in his view, Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof! Romeo. Alas that love, whose view is muffled still, Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will! - Where shall we dine? - O me! - What fray was here? Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here's much to do with hate, but more with love: - Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate! O anything, of nothing first create! O heavy lightness! serious vanity! Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms! Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health! Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is! - This love feel I, that feel no love in this. Dost thou not laugh? Benvolio. No, coz, I rather weep. Romeo. Good heart, at what? Benvolio. At thy good heart's oppression. Romeo. Why, such is love's transgression. - Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast; Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown Doth add more grief to too much of mine own. Love is a smoke rais'd with the fume of sighs; Being purg'd, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears: What is it else? a madness most discreet, A choking gall, and a preserving sweet. - Farewell, my coz. [Going.] Benvolio. Soft! I will go along: An if you leave me so, you do me wrong. Romeo. Tut! I have lost myself; I am not here: This is not Romeo, he's some other where. Benvolio. Tell me in sadness who is that you love? Romeo. What, shall I groan and tell thee? Benvolio. Groan! why, no; But sadly tell me who. Romeo. Bid a sick man in sadness make his will, - Ah, word ill urg'd to one that is so ill! - In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman. Benvolio. I aim'd so near when I suppos'd you lov'd. Romeo. A right good markman! - And she's fair I love. Benvolio. A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit. Romeo. Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit With Cupid's arrow, - she hath Dian's wit; And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd, From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd. She will not stay the siege of loving terms Nor bide th' encounter of assailing eyes, Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold: O, she's rich in beauty; only poor That, when she dies, with beauty dies her store. Benvolio. Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste? Romeo. She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste; For beauty, starv'd with her severity, Cuts beauty off from all posterity. She is too fair, too wise; wisely too fair, To merit bliss by making me despair: She hath forsworn to love; and in that vow Do I live dead that live to tell it now. Benvolio. Be rul'd by me, forget to think of her. Romeo. O, teach me how I should forget to think. Benvolio. By giving liberty unto thine eyes; Examine other beauties. Romeo. 'Tis the way To call hers, exquisite, in question more: These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows, Being black, puts us in mind they hide the fair; He that is strucken blind cannot forget The precious treasure of his eyesight lost: Show me a mistress that is passing fair, What doth her beauty serve but as a note Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair? Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget. Benvolio. I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt. [Exeunt.] Scene II. A Street. [Enter Capulet, Paris, and Servant.] Capulet. But Montague is bound as well as I, In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think, For men so old as we to keep the peace. Paris. Of honourable reckoning are you both; And pity 'tis you liv'd at odds so long. But now, my lord, what say you to my suit? Capulet. But saying o'er what I have said before: My child is yet a stranger in the world, She hath not seen the change of fourteen years; Let two more summers wither in their pride Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride. Paris. Younger than she are happy mothers made. Capulet. And too soon marr'd are those so early made. The earth hath swallowed all my hopes but she, - She is the hopeful lady of my earth: But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart, My will to her consent is but a part; An she agree, within her scope of choice Lies my consent and fair according voice. This night I hold an old accustom'd feast, Whereto I have invited many a guest, Such as I love; and you among the store, One more, most welcome, makes my number more. At my poor house look to behold this night Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light: Such comfort as do lusty young men feel When well apparell'd April on the heel Of limping winter treads, even such delight Among fresh female buds shall you this night Inherit at my house; hear all, all see, And like her most whose merit most shall be: Which, among view of many, mine, being one, May stand in number, though in reckoning none. Come, go with me. - Go, sirrah, trudge about Through fair Verona; find those persons out Whose names are written there, [gives a paper] and to them say, My house and welcome on their pleasure stay. [Exeunt Capulet and Paris]. Servant.Find them out whose names are written here! It is written that the shoemaker should meddle with his yard and the tailor with his last, the fisher with his pencil, and the painter with his nets; but I am sent to find those persons whose names are here writ, and can never find what names the writing person hath here writ. I must to the learned: - in good time! [Enter Benvolio and Romeo.] Benvolio. Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning, One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish; Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning; One desperate grief cures with another's languish: Take thou some new infection to thy eye, And the rank poison of the old will die. Romeo. Your plantain-leaf is excellent for that. Benvolio. For what, I pray thee? Romeo. For your broken shin. Benvolio. Why, Romeo, art thou mad? Romeo. Not mad, but bound more than a madman is; Shut up in prison, kept without my food, Whipp'd and tormented and - God-den, good fellow. Servant. God gi' go-den. - I pray, sir, can you read? Romeo. Ay, mine own fortune in my misery. Servant. Perhaps you have learned it without book: but I pray, can you read anything you see? Romeo. Ay, If I know the letters and the language. Servant. Ye say honestly: rest you merry! Romeo. Stay, fellow; I can read. [Reads.] 'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters; County Anselmo and his beauteous sisters; the lady widow of Vitruvio; Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine uncle Capulet, his wife, and daughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin Tybalt; Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair assembly. [Gives back the paper]: whither should they come? Servant. Up. Romeo. Whither? Servant. To supper; to our house. Romeo. Whose house? Servant. My master's. Romeo. Indeed I should have ask'd you that before. Servant. Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the great rich Capulet; and if you be not of the house of Montagues, I pray, come and crush a cup of wine. Rest you merry! [Exit.] Benvolio. At this same ancient feast of Capulet's Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lov'st; With all the admired beauties of Verona. Go thither; and, with unattainted eye, Compare her face with some that I shall show, And I will make thee think thy swan a crow. Romeo. When the devout religion of mine eye Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires; And these, - who, often drown'd, could never die, - Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars! One fairer than my love? the all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun. Benvolio. Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by, Herself pois'd with herself in either eye: But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd Your lady's love against some other maid That I will show you shining at this feast, And she shall scant show well that now shows best. Romeo. I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, But to rejoice in splendour of my own. [Exeunt.] Scene III. Room in Capulet's House. [Enter Lady Capulet, and Nurse.] Lady Capulet. Nurse, where's my daughter? call her forth to me. Nurse. Now, by my maidenhea, - at twelve year old, - I bade her come. - What, lamb! what ladybird! - God forbid! - where's this girl? - what, Juliet! [Enter Juliet.] Juliet. How now, who calls? Nurse. Your mother. Juliet. Madam, I am here. What is your will? Lady Capulet. This is the matter, - Nurse, give leave awhile, We must talk in secret: nurse, come back again; I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou knowest my daughter's of a pretty age. Nurse. Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour. Lady Capulet. She's not fourteen. Nurse. I'll lay fourteen of my teeth, - And yet, to my teen be it spoken, I have but four, - She is not fourteen. How long is it now To Lammas-tide? Lady Capulet. A fortnight and odd days. Nurse. Even or odd, of all days in the year, Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she, - God rest all Christian souls! - Were of an age: well, Susan is with God; She was too good for me: - but, as I said, On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen; That shall she, marry; I remember it well. 'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years; And she was wean'd, - I never shall forget it - , Of all the days of the year, upon that day: For I had then laid wormwood to my dug, Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall; My lord and you were then at Mantua: Nay, I do bear a brain: - but, as I said, When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool, To see it tetchy, and fall out with the dug! Shake, quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow, To bid me trudge. And since that time it is eleven years; For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood She could have run and waddled all about; For even the day before, she broke her brow: And then my husband, - God be with his soul! 'A was a merry man, - took up the child: 'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit; Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame, The pretty wretch left crying, and said 'Ay:' To see now how a jest shall come about! I warrant, an I should live a thousand yeas, I never should forget it; 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he; And, pretty fool, it stinted, and said 'Ay.' Lady Capulet. Enough of this; I pray thee hold thy peace. Nurse. Yes, madam; - yet I cannot choose but laugh, To think it should leave crying, and say 'Ay:' And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow A bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly. 'Yea,' quoth my husband, 'fall'st upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou com'st to age; Wilt thou not, Jule?' it stinted, and said 'Ay.' Juliet. And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I. Nurse. Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace! Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nurs'd: An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish. Lady Capulet. Marry, that marry is the very theme I came to talk of. - Tell me, daughter Juliet, How stands your disposition to be married? Juliet. It is an honour that I dream not of. Nurse. An honour! - were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat. Lady Capulet. Well, think of marriage now: younger than you, Here in Verona, ladies of esteem, Are made already mothers: by my count I was your mother much upon these years That you are now a maid. Thus, then, in brief; - The valiant Paris seeks you for his love. Nurse. A man, young lady! lady, such a man As all the world - why he's a man of wax. Lady Capulet. Verona's summer hath not such a flower. Nurse. Nay, he's a flower, in faith, a very flower. Lady Capulet. What say you? can you love the gentleman? This night you shall behold him at our feast; Read o'er the volume of young Paris' face, And find delight writ there with beauty's pen; Examine every married lineament, And see how one another lends content; And what obscur'd in this fair volume lies Find written in the margent of his eyes. This precious book of love, this unbound lover, To beautify him, only lacks a cover: The fish lives in the sea; and 'tis much pride For fair without the fair within to hide: That book in many's eyes doth share the glory, That in gold clasps locks in the golden story; So shall you share all that he doth possess, By having him, making yourself no less. Nurse. No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men Lady Capulet. Speak briefly, can you like of Paris' love? Juliet. I'll look to like, if looking liking move: But no more deep will I endart mine eye Than your consent gives strength to make it fly. [Enter a Servant.] Servant. Madam, the guests are come, supper served up, you called, my young lady asked for, the nurse cursed in the pantry, and everything in extremity. I must hence to wait; I beseech you, follow straight. Lady Capulet. We follow thee. [Exit Servant.] - Juliet, the county stays. Nurse. Go, girl, seek happy nights to happy days. [Exeunt.] Scene IV. A Street. [Enter Romeo, Mercutio, Benvolio, with five or six Maskers; Torch-bearers, and others.] Romeo. What, shall this speech be spoke for our excuse? Or shall we on without apology? Benvolio. The date is out of such prolixity: We'll have no Cupid hoodwink'd with a scarf, Bearing a Tartar's painted bow of lath, Scaring the ladies like a crow-keeper; Nor no without-book prologue, faintly spoke After the prompter, for our entrance: But, let them measure us by what they will, We'll measure them a measure, and be gone. Romeo. Give me a torch, - I am not for this ambling; Being but heavy, I will bear the light. Mercutio. Nay, gentle Romeo, we must have you dance. Romeo. Not I, believe me: you have dancing shoes, With nimble soles; I have a soul of lead So stakes me to the ground I cannot move. Mercutio. You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings, And soar with them above a common bound. Romeo. I am too sore enpierced with his shaft To soar with his light feathers; and so bound, I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe: Under love's heavy burden do I sink. Mercutio. And, to sink in it, should you burden love; Too great oppression for a tender thing. Romeo. Is love a tender thing? it is too rough, Too rude, too boisterous; and it pricks like thorn. Mercutio. If love be rough with you, be rough with love; Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down. - Give me a case to put my visage in: [Putting on a mask.] A visard for a visard! what care I What curious eye doth quote deformities? Here are the beetle-brows shall blush for me. Benvolio. Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in But every man betake him to his legs. Romeo. A torch for me: let wantons, light of heart, Tickle the senseless rushes with their heels; For I am proverb'd with a grandsire phrase, - I'll be a candle-holder and look on, - The game was ne'er so fair, and I am done. Mercutio. Tut, dun's the mouse, the constable's own word: If thou art dun, we'll draw thee from the mire Of this - sir-reverence - love, wherein thou stick'st Up to the ears. - Come, we burn daylight, ho. Romeo. Nay, that's not so. Mercutio. I mean, sir, in delay We waste our lights in vain, like lamps by day. Take our good meaning, for our judgment sits Five times in that ere once in our five wits. Romeo. And we mean well, in going to this mask; But 'tis no wit to go. Mercutio. Why, may one ask? Romeo. I dreamt a dream to-night. Mercutio. And so did I. Romeo. Well, what was yours? Mercutio. That dreamers often lie. Romeo. In bed asleep, while they do dream things true. Mercutio. O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes In shape no bigger than an agate-stone On the fore-finger of an alderman, Drawn with a team of little atomies Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep: Her waggon-spokes made of long spinners' legs; The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers; The traces, of the smallest spider's web; The collars, of the moonshine's watery beams; Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film; Her waggoner, a small grey-coated gnat, Not half so big as a round little worm Prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid: Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut, Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers. And in this state she gallops night by night Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love; O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on court'sies straight; O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees; O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream, - Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues, Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are: Sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose, And then dreams he of smelling out a suit; And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail, Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep, Then dreams he of another benefice: Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck, And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats, Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades, Of healths five fathom deep; and then anon Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes; And, being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two, And sleeps again. This is that very Mab That plats the manes of horses in the night; And bakes the elf-locks in foul sluttish hairs, Which, once untangled, much misfortune bodes: This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs, That presses them, and learns them first to bear, Making them women of good carriage: This is she, - Romeo. Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace, Thou talk'st of nothing. Mercutio. True, I talk of dreams, Which are the children of an idle brain, Begot of nothing but vain fantasy; Which is as thin of substance as the air, And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes Even now the frozen bosom of the north, And, being anger'd, puffs away from thence, Turning his face to the dew-dropping south. Benvolio. This wind you talk of blows us from ourselves: Supper is done, and we shall come too late. Romeo. I fear, too early: for my mind misgives Some consequence, yet hanging in the stars, Shall bitterly begin his fearful date With this night's revels; and expire the term Of a despised life, clos'd in my breast, By some vile forfeit of untimely death: But He that hath the steerage of my course Direct my sail! - On, lusty gentlemen! Benvolio. Strike, drum. [Exeunt.] Scene V. A Hall in Capulet's House. [Musicians waiting. Enter Servants.] 1 Servant. Where's Potpan, that he helps not to take away? he shift a trencher! he scrape a trencher! 2 Servant. When good manners shall lie all in one or two men's hands, and they unwash'd too, 'tis a foul thing. 1 Servant. Away with the join-stools, remove the court-cupboard, look to the plate: - good thou, save me a piece of marchpane; and as thou loves me, let the porter let in Susan Grindstone and Nell. - Antony! and Potpan! 2 Servant. Ay, boy, ready. 1 Servant. You are looked for and called for, asked for and sought for in the great chamber. 2 Servant. We cannot be here and there too. - Cheerly, boys; be brisk awhile, and the longer liver take all. [They retire behind.] [Enter Capulet, &c. with the Guests the Maskers.] Capulet. Welcome, gentlemen! ladies that have their toes Unplagu'd with corns will have a bout with you. - Ah ha, my mistresses! which of you all Will now deny to dance? she that makes dainty, she, I'll swear hath corns; am I come near you now? Welcome, gentlemen! I have seen the day That I have worn a visard; and could tell A whispering tale in a fair lady's ear, Such as would please; - 'tis gone, 'tis gone, 'tis gone: You are welcome, gentlemen! - Come, musicians, play. A hall - a hall! give room! and foot it, girls. - [Music plays, and they dance.] More light, you knaves; and turn the tables up, And quench the fire, the room is grown too hot. - Ah, sirrah, this unlook'd-for sport comes well. Nay, sit, nay, sit, good cousin Capulet; For you and I are past our dancing days; How long is't now since last yourself and I Were in a mask? 2 Capulet. By'r Lady, thirty years. Capulet. What, man! 'tis not so much, 'tis not so much: 'Tis since the nuptial of Lucentio, Come Pentecost as quickly as it will, Some five-and-twenty years; and then we mask'd. 2 Capulet. 'Tis more, 'tis more: his son is elder, sir; His son is thirty. Capulet. Will you tell me that? His son was but a ward two years ago. Romeo. What lady is that, which doth enrich the hand Of yonder knight? Servant. I know not, sir. Romeo. O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear; Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear! So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows. The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand. Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night. Tybalt. This, by his voice, should be a Montague. - Fetch me my rapier, boy: - what, dares the slave Come hither, cover'd with an antic face, To fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honour of my kin, To strike him dead I hold it not a sin. Capulet. Why, how now, kinsman! wherefore storm you so? Tybalt. Uncle, this is a Montague, our foe; A villain, that is hither come in spite, To scorn at our solemnity this night. Capulet. Young Romeo, is it? Tybalt. 'Tis he, that villain, Romeo. Capulet. Content thee, gentle coz, let him alone, He bears him like a portly gentleman; And, to say truth, Verona brags of him To be a virtuous and well-govern'd youth: I would not for the wealth of all the town Here in my house do him disparagement: Therefore be patient, take no note of him, - It is my will; the which if thou respect, Show a fair presence and put off these frowns, An ill-beseeming semblance for a feast. Tybalt. It fits, when such a villain is a guest: I'll not endure him. Capulet. He shall be endur'd: What, goodman boy! - I say he shall; - go to; Am I the master here, or you? go to. You'll not endure him! - God shall mend my soul, You'll make a mutiny among my guests! You will set cock-a-hoop! you'll be the man! Tybalt. Why, uncle, 'tis a shame. Capulet. Go to, go to! You are a saucy boy. Is't so, indeed? - This trick may chance to scathe you, - I know what: You must contrary me! marry, 'tis time. - Well said, my hearts! - You are a princox; go: Be quiet, or - More light, more light! - For shame! I'll make you quiet. What! - cheerly, my hearts. Tybalt. Patience perforce with wilful choler meeting Makes my flesh tremble in their different greeting. I will withdraw: but this intrusion shall, Now seeming sweet, convert to bitter gall. [Exit.] Romeo. [To Juliet.] If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this, - My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. Juliet. Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. Romeo. Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? Juliet. Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. Romeo. O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. Juliet. Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Romeo. Then move not while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine my sin is purg'd. [Kissing her.] Juliet. Then have my lips the sin that they have took. Romeo. Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urg'd! Give me my sin again. Juliet. You kiss by the book. Nurse. Madam, your mother craves a word with you. Romeo. What is her mother? Nurse. Marry, bachelor, Her mother is the lady of the house. And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous: I nurs'd her daughter that you talk'd withal; I tell you, he that can lay hold of her Shall have the chinks. Romeo. Is she a Capulet? O dear account! my life is my foe's debt. Benvolio. Away, be gone; the sport is at the best. Romeo. Ay, so I fear; the more is my unrest. Capulet. Nay, gentlemen, prepare not to be gone; We have a trifling foolish banquet towards. - Is it e'en so? why then, I thank you all; I thank you, honest gentlemen; good-night. - More torches here! - Come on then, let's to bed. Ah, sirrah [to 2 Capulet], by my fay, it waxes late; I'll to my rest. [Exeunt all but Juliet and Nurse.] Juliet. Come hither, nurse. What is yond gentleman? Nurse. The son and heir of old Tiberio. Juliet. What's he that now is going out of door? Nurse. Marry, that, I think, be young Petruchio. Juliet. What's he that follows there, that would not dance? Nurse. I know not. Juliet. Go ask his name: if he be married, My grave is like to be my wedding-bed. Nurse. His name is Romeo, and a Montague; The only son of your great enemy. Juliet. My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me, That I must love a loathed enemy. Nurse. What's this? What's this? Juliet. A rhyme I learn'd even now Of one I danc'd withal. [One calls within, 'Juliet.'] Nurse. Anon, anon! Come, let's away; the strangers all are gone. [Exeunt.] [Enter Chorus.] Chorus. Now old desire doth in his deathbed lie, And young affection gapes to be his heir; That fair for which love groan'd for, and would die, With tender Juliet match'd, is now not fair. Now Romeo is belov'd, and loves again, Alike bewitched by the charm of looks; But to his foe suppos'd he must complain, And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks: Being held a foe, he may not have access To breathe such vows as lovers us'd to swear; And she as much in love, her means much less To meet her new beloved anywhere: But passion lends them power, time means, to meet, Tempering extremities with extreme sweet. [Exit.] ACT II. Scene I. An open place adjoining Capulet's Garden. [Enter Romeo.] Romeo. Can I go forward when my heart is here? Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out. [He climbs the wall and leaps down within it.] [Enter Benvolio and Mercutio.] Benvolio. Romeo! my cousin Romeo! Mercutio. He is wise; And, on my life, hath stol'n him home to bed. Benvolio. He ran this way, and leap'd this orchard wall: Call, good Mercutio. Mercutio. Nay, I'll conjure too. - Romeo! humours! madman! passion! lover! Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh: Speak but one rhyme, and I am satisfied; Cry but 'Ah me!' pronounce but Love and dove; Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word, One nickname for her purblind son and heir, Young auburn Cupid, he that shot so trim When King Cophetua lov'd the beggar-maid! - He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not; The ape is dead, and I must conjure him. - I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes, By her high forehead and her scarlet lip, By her fine foot, straight leg, and quivering thigh, And the demesnes that there adjacent lie, That in thy likeness thou appear to us! Benvolio. An if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him. Mercutio. This cannot anger him: 'twould anger him To raise a spirit in his mistress' circle, Of some strange nature, letting it there stand Till she had laid it, and conjur'd it down; That were some spite: my invocation Is fair and honest, and, in his mistress' name, I conjure only but to raise up him. Benvolio. Come, he hath hid himself among these trees, To be consorted with the humorous night: Blind is his love, and best befits the dark. Mercutio. If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark. Now will he sit under a medlar tree, And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit As maids call medlars when they laugh alone. - Romeo, good night. - I'll to my truckle-bed; This field-bed is too cold for me to sleep: Come, shall we go? Benvolio. Go then; for 'tis in vain To seek him here that means not to be found. [Exeunt.] Scene II. Capulet's Garden. [Enter Romeo.] Romeo. He jests at scars that never felt a wound. - [Juliet appears above at a window.] But soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun! - Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, That thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery is but sick and green, And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. - It is my lady; O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were! - She speaks, yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses, I will answer it. - I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes To twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head? The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven Would through the airy region stream so bright That birds would sing and think it were not night. - See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek! Juliet. Ah me! Romeo. She speaks: - O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art As glorious to this night, being o'er my head, As is a winged messenger of heaven Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds And sails upon the bosom of the air. Juliet. O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet. Romeo. [Aside.] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this? Juliet. 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; - Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title: - Romeo, doff thy name; And for that name, which is no part of thee, Take all myself. Romeo. I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd; Henceforth I never will be Romeo. Juliet. What man art thou that, thus bescreen'd in night, So stumblest on my counsel? Romeo. By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, Because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word. Juliet. My ears have yet not drunk a hundred words Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound; Art thou not Romeo, and a Montague? Romeo. Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike. Juliet. How cam'st thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb; And the place death, considering who thou art, If any of my kinsmen find thee here. Romeo. With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls; For stony limits cannot hold love out: And what love can do, that dares love attempt; Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me. Juliet. If they do see thee, they will murder thee. Romeo. Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, And I am proof against their enmity. Juliet. I would not for the world they saw thee here. Romeo. I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight; And, but thou love me, let them find me here. My life were better ended by their hate Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love. Juliet. By whose direction found'st thou out this place? Romeo. By love, that first did prompt me to enquire; He lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far As that vast shore wash'd with the furthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise. Juliet. Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face; Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night. Fain would I dwell on form,fain, fain deny What I have spoke; but farewell compliment! Dost thou love me, I know thou wilt say Ay; And I will take thy word: yet, if thou swear'st, Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries, They say Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: Or if thou thinkest I am too quickly won, I'll frown, and be perverse, and say thee nay, So thou wilt woo: but else, not for the world. In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond; And therefore thou mayst think my 'haviour light: But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true Than those that have more cunning to be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess, But that thou overheard'st, ere I was 'ware, My true-love passion: therefore pardon me; And not impute this yielding to light love, Which the dark night hath so discovered. Romeo. Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear, That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops, - Juliet. O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable. Romeo. What shall I swear by? Juliet. Do not swear at all; Or if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, Which is the god of my idolatry, And I'll believe thee. Romeo. If my heart's dear love, - Juliet. Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night; It is too rash, too unadvis'd, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be Ere one can say It lightens. Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest Come to thy heart as that within my breast! Romeo. O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? Juliet. What satisfaction canst thou have to-night? Romeo. The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine. Juliet. I gave thee mine before thou didst request it; And yet I would it were to give again. Romeo. Would'st thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love? Juliet. But to be frank and give it thee again. And yet I wish but for the thing I have; My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite. I hear some noise within: dear love, adieu! - [Nurse calls within.] Anon, good nurse! - Sweet Montague, be true. Stay but a little, I will come again. [Exit.] Romeo. O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard, Being in night, all this is but a dream, Too flattering-sweet to be substantial. [Enter Juliet above.] Juliet. Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honourable, Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow, By one that I'll procure to come to thee, Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite; And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay And follow thee, my lord, throughout the world. Nurse. [Within.] Madam! Juliet. I come anon. - But if thou meanest not well, I do beseech thee, - Nurse. [Within.] Madam! Juliet. By-and-by I come: - To cease thy suit and leave me to my grief: To-morrow will I send. Romeo. So thrive my soul, - Juliet. A thousand times good night! [Exit.] Romeo. A thousand times the worse, to want thy light! - Love goes toward love as schoolboys from their books; But love from love, towards school with heavy looks. [Retirong slowly.] [Re-enter Juliet, above.] Juliet. Hist! Romeo, hist! - O for a falconer's voice To lure this tassel-gentle back again! Bondage is hoarse and may not speak aloud; Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies, And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine With repetition of my Romeo's name. Romeo. It is my soul that calls upon my name: How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night, Like softest music to attending ears! Juliet. Romeo! Romeo. My dear? Juliet. At what o'clock to-morrow Shall I send to thee? Romeo. At the hour of nine. Juliet. I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then. I have forgot why I did call thee back. Romeo. Let me stand here till thou remember it. Juliet. I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, Remembering how I love thy company. Romeo. And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, Forgetting any other home but this. Juliet. 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone: And yet no farther than a wanton's bird; That lets it hop a little from her hand, Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves, And with a silk thread plucks it back again, So loving-jealous of his liberty. Romeo. I would I were thy bird. Juliet. Sweet, so would I: Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow That I shall say good night till it be morrow. [Exit.] Romeo. Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast! - Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest! Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell, His help to crave and my dear hap to tell. [Exit.] Scene III. Friar Lawrence's Cell. [Enter Friar Lawrence with a basket.] Friar. The grey-ey'd morn smiles on the frowning night, Chequering the eastern clouds with streaks of light; And flecked darkness like a drunkard reels From forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels: Non, ere the sun advance his burning eye, The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry, I must up-fill this osier cage of ours With baleful weeds and precious-juiced flowers. The earth, that's nature's mother, is her tomb; What is her burying gave, that is her womb: And from her womb children of divers kind We sucking on her natural bosom find; Many for many virtues excellent, None but for some, and yet all different. O, mickle is the powerful grace that lies In plants, herbs, stones, and their true qualities: For naught so vile that on the earth doth live But to the earth some special good doth give; Nor aught so good but, strain'd from that fair use, Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse: Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied; And vice sometimes by action dignified. Within the infant rind of this small flower Poison hath residence, and medicine power: For this, being smelt, with that part cheers each part; Being tasted, slays all senses with the heart. Two such opposed kings encamp them still In man as well as herbs, - grace and rude will; And where the worser is predominant, Full soon the canker death eats up that plant. [Enter Romeo.] Romeo. Good morrow, father! Friar. Benedicite! What early tongue so sweet saluteth me? - Young son, it argues a distemper'd head So soon to bid good morrow to thy bed: Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye, And where care lodges sleep will never lie; But where unbruised youth with unstuff'd brain Doth couch his limbs, there golden sleep doth reign: Therefore thy earliness doth me assure Thou art uprous'd with some distemperature; Or if not so, then here I hit it right, - Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night. Romeo. That last is true; the sweeter rest was mine. Friar. God pardon sin! wast thou with Rosaline? Romeo. With Rosaline, my ghostly father? no; I have forgot that name, and that name's woe. Friar. That's my good son: but where hast thou been then? Romeo. I'll tell thee ere thou ask it me again. I have been feasting with mine enemy; Where, on a sudden, one hath wounded me That's by me wounded. Both our remedies Within thy help and holy physic lies; I bear no hatred, blessed man; for, lo, My intercession likewise steads my foe. Friar. Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift; Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift. Romeo. Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set On the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; And all combin'd, save what thou must combine By holy marriage: when, and where, and how We met, we woo'd, and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, That thou consent to marry us to-day. Friar. Holy Saint Francis! what a change is here! Is Rosaline, that thou didst love so dear, So soon forsaken? young men's love, then, lies Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes. Jesu Maria, what a deal of brine Hath wash'd thy sallow cheeks for Rosaline! How much salt water thrown away in waste, To season love, that of it doth not taste! The sun not yet thy sighs from heaven clears, Thy old groans ring yet in mine ancient ears; Lo, here upon thy cheek the stain doth sit Of an old tear that is not wash'd off yet: If e'er thou wast thyself, and these woes thine, Thou and these woes were all for Rosaline; And art thou chang'd? Pronounce this sentence then, - Women may fall, when there's no strength in men. Romeo. Thou chidd'st me oft for loving Rosaline. Friar. For doting, not for loving, pupil mine. Romeo. And bad'st me bury love. Friar. Not in a grave To lay one in, another out to have. Romeo. I pray thee chide not: she whom I love now Doth grace for grace and love for love allow; The other did not so. Friar. O, she knew well Thy love did read by rote, that could not spell. But come, young waverer, come go with me, In one respect I'll thy assistant be; For this alliance may so happy prove, To turn your households' rancour to pure love. Romeo. O, let us hence; I stand on sudden haste. Friar. Wisely, and slow; they stumble that run fast. [Exeunt.] Scene IV. A Street. [Enter Benvolio and Mercutio.] Mercutio. Where the devil should this Romeo be? - Came he not home to-night? Benvolio. Not to his father's; I spoke with his man. Mercutio. Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, Torments him so that he will sure run mad. Benvolio. Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet, Hath sent a letter to his father's house. Mercutio. A challenge, on my life. Benvolio. Romeo will answer it. Mercutio. Any man that can write may answer a letter. Benvolio. Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he dares, being dared. Mercutio. Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead! stabbed with a white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a love song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to encounter Tybalt? Benvolio. Why, what is Tybalt? Mercutio. More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he's the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song - keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the very first house, - of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hay. - Benvolio. The what? Mercutio. The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! - 'By Jesu, a very good blade! - a very tall man! - a very good whore!' - Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these pardonnez-moi's, who stand so much on the new form that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their bons, their bons! Benvolio. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo! Mercutio. Without his roe, like a dried herring. - O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! - Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura, to his lady, was but a kitchen wench, - marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido, a dowdy; Cleopatra, a gypsy; Helen and Hero, hildings and harlots; Thisbe, a gray eye or so, but not to the purpose, - [Enter Romeo.] Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night. Romeo. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? Mercutio. The slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive? Romeo. Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy. Mercutio. That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams. Romeo. Meaning, to court'sy. Mercutio. Thou hast most kindly hit it. Romeo. A most courteous exposition. Mercutio. Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. Romeo. Pink for flower. Mercutio. Right. Romeo. Why, then is my pump well-flowered. Mercutio. Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump;that, when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing, sole singular. Romeo. O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness! Mercutio. Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint. Romeo. Swits and spurs, swits and spurs; or I'll cry a match. Mercutio. Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done; for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: was I with you there for the goose? Romeo. Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose. Mercutio. I will bite thee by the ear for that jest. Romeo. Nay, good goose, bite not. Mercutio. Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce. Romeo. And is it not, then, well served in to a sweet goose? Mercutio. O, here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad! Romeo. I stretch it out for that word broad: which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose. Mercutio. Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; not art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural, that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole. Benvolio. Stop there, stop there. Mercutio. Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. Benvolio. Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. Mercutio. O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and meant indeed to occupy the argument no longer. Romeo. Here's goodly gear! [Enter Nurse and Peter.] Mercutio. A sail, a sail, a sail! Benvolio. Two, two; a shirt and a smock. Nurse. Peter! Peter. Anon. Nurse. My fan, Peter. Mercutio. Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer face. Nurse. God ye good morrow, gentlemen. Mercutio. God ye good-den, fair gentlewoman. Nurse. Is it good-den? Mercutio. 'Tis no less, I tell ye; for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon. Nurse. Out upon you! what a man are you! Romeo. One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar. Nurse. By my troth, it is well said; - for himself to mar, quoth 'a? - Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo? Romeo. I can tell you: but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse. Nurse. You say well. Mercutio. Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely, wisely. Nurse. If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you. Benvolio. She will indite him to some supper. Mercutio. A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho! Romeo. What hast thou found? Mercutio. No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. [Sings.] An old hare hoar, And an old hare hoar, Is very good meat in Lent; But a hare that is hoar Is too much for a score When it hoars ere it be spent. Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll to dinner thither. Romeo. I will follow you. Mercutio. Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, - [singing] lady, lady, lady. [Exeunt Mercutio, and Benvolio.] Nurse. Marry, farewell! - I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery? Romeo. A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk; and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month. Nurse. An 'a speak anything against me, I'll take him down, an'a were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates. - And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure! Peter. I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side. Nurse. Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! - Pray you, sir, a word: and, as I told you, my young lady bid me enquire you out; what she bade me say I will keep to myself: but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing. Romeo. Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee, - Nurse. Good heart, and i' faith I will tell her as much: Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman. Romeo. What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me. Nurse. I will tell her, sir, - that you do protest: which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer. Romeo. Bid her devise some means to come to shrift This afternoon; And there she shall at Friar Lawrence' cell Be shriv'd and married. Here is for thy pains. Nurse. No, truly, sir; not a penny. Romeo. Go to; I say you shall. Nurse. This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there. Romeo. And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey-wall: Within this hour my man shall be with thee, And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair; Which to the high top-gallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains: Farewell; commend me to thy mistress. Nurse. Now God in heaven bless thee! - Hark you, sir. Romeo. What say'st thou, my dear nurse? Nurse. Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say, Two may keep counsel, putting one away? Romeo. I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel. Nurse. Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady. - Lord, Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing, - O, there's a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the properer man; but I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter? Romeo. Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R. Nurse. Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name. R is for the dog: no; I know it begins with some other letter: - and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it. Romeo. Commend me to thy lady. Nurse. Ay, a thousand times. [Exit Romeo.] - Peter! Peter. Anon? Nurse. Peter, take my fan, and go before. [Exeunt.] Scene V. Capulet's Garden. [Enter Juliet.] Juliet. The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse; In half an hour she promis'd to return. Perchance she cannot meet him: that's not so. - O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts, Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams, Driving back shadows over lowering hills: Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw love, And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings. Now is the sun upon the highmost hill Of this day's journey; and from nine till twelve Is three long hours, - yet she is not come. Had she affections and warm youthful blood, She'd be as swift in motion as a ball; My words would bandy her to my sweet love, And his to me: But old folks, many feign as they were dead; Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead. - O God, she comes! [Enter Nurse and Peter]. O honey nurse, what news? Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away. Nurse. Peter, stay at the gate. [Exit Peter.] Juliet. Now, good sweet nurse, - O Lord, why look'st thou sad? Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily; If good, thou sham'st the music of sweet news By playing it to me with so sour a face. Nurse. I am aweary, give me leave awhile; - Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had! Juliet. I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news: Nay, come, I pray thee speak; - good, good nurse, speak. Nurse. Jesu, what haste? can you not stay awhile? Do you not see that I am out of breath? Juliet. How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath? The excuse that thou dost make in this delay Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse. Is thy news good or bad? answer to that; Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance: Let me be satisfied, is't good or bad? Nurse. Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man: Romeo! no, not he; rhough his face be better than any man's, yet his leg excels all men's; and for a hand and a foot, and a body, - though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare: he is not the flower of courtesy, - but I'll warrant him as gentle as a lamb. - Go thy ways, wench; serve God.- -What, have you dined at home? Juliet. No, no: but all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? what of that? Nurse. Lord, how my head aches! what a head have I! It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces. My back o' t' other side, - O, my back, my back! - Beshrew your heart for sending me about To catch my death with jauncing up and down! Juliet. I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well. Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love? Nurse. Your love says, like an honest gentleman, And a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome; And, I warrant, a virtuous, - Where is your mother? Juliet. Where is my mother? - why, she is within; Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest! 'Your love says, like an honest gentleman, - 'Where is your mother?' Nurse. O God's lady dear! Are you so hot? marry,come up, I trow; Is this the poultice for my aching bones? Henceforward,do your messages yourself. Juliet. Here's such a coil! - come, what says Romeo? Nurse. Have you got leave to go to shrift to-day? Juliet. I have. Nurse. Then hie you hence to Friar Lawrence' cell; There stays a husband to make you a wife: Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks, They'll be in scarlet straight at any news. Hie you to church; I must another way, To fetch a ladder, by the which your love Must climb a bird's nest soon when it is dark: I am the drudge, and toil in your delight; But you shall bear the burden soon at night. Go; I'll to dinner; hie you to the cell. Juliet. Hie to high fortune! - honest nurse, farewell. [Exeunt.] Scene VI. Friar Lawrence's Cell. [Enter Friar Lawrence and Romeo.] Friar. So smile the heavens upon this holy act That after-hours with sorrow chide us not! Romeo. Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can, It cannot countervail the exchange of joy That one short minute gives me in her sight: Do thou but close our hands with holy words, Then love-devouring death do what he dare, - It is enough I may but call her mine. Friar. These violent delights have violent ends, And in their triumph die; like fire and powder, Which, as they kiss, consume: the sweetest honey Is loathsome in his own deliciousness, And in the taste confounds the appetite: Therefore love moderately: long love doth so; Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow. Here comes the lady: - O, so light a foot Will ne'er wear out the everlasting flint: A lover may bestride the gossamer That idles in the wanton summer air And yet not fall; so light is vanity. [Enter Juliet.] Juliet. Good-even to my ghostly confessor. Friar. Romeo shall thank thee, daughter, for us both. Juliet. As much to him, else is his thanks too much. Romeo. Ah, Juliet, if the measure of thy joy Be heap'd like mine, and that thy skill be more To blazon it, then sweeten with thy breath This neighbour air, and let rich music's tongue Unfold the imagin'd happiness that both Receive in either by this dear encounter. Juliet. Conceit, more rich in matter than in words, Brags of his substance, not of ornament: They are but beggars that can count their worth; But my true love is grown to such excess, I cannot sum up sum of half my wealth. Friar. Come, come with me, and we will make short work; For, by your leaves, you shall not stay alone Till holy church incorporate two in one. [Exeunt.] ACT III. Scene I. A public Place. [Enter Mercutio, Benvolio, Page, and Servants.] Benvolio. I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire: The day is hot, the Capulets abroad, And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl; For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring. Mercutio. Thou art like one of these fellows that, when he enters the confines of a tavern, claps me his sword upon the table, and says 'God send me no need of thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws him on the drawer, when indeed there is no need. Benvolio. Am I like such a fellow? Mercutio. Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as any in Italy; and as soon moved to be moody, and as soon moody to be moved. Benvolio. And what to? Mercutio. Nay, an there were two such, we should have none shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why, thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more or a hair less in his beard than thou hast. Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes; - what eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel? Thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat; and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as an egg for quarrelling. Thou hast quarrelled with a man for coughing in the street, because he hath wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun. Didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing his new doublet before Easter? with another for tying his new shoes with an old riband? and yet thou wilt tutor me from quarrelling! Benvolio. An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man should buy the fee simple of my life for an hour and a quarter. Mercutio. The fee simple! O simple! Benvolio. By my head, here come the Capulets. Mercutio. By my heel, I care not. [Enter Tybalt and others.] Tybalt. Follow me close, for I will speak to them. - Gentlemen, good-den: a word with one of you. Mercutio. And but one word with one of us? Couple it with something; make it a word and a blow. Tybalt. You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion. Mercutio. Could you not take some occasion without giving? Tybalt. Mercutio, thou consortest with Romeo, - Mercutio. Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? An thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall make you dance. Zounds, consort! Benvolio. We talk here in the public haunt of men: Either withdraw unto some private place, And reason coldly of your grievances, Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us. Mercutio. Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze; I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I. Tybalt. Well, peace be with you, sir. - Here comes my man. [Enter Romeo.] Mercutio. But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery: Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower; Your worship in that sense may call him man. Tybalt. Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford No better term than this, - Thou art a villain. Romeo. Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee Doth much excuse the appertaining rage To such a greeting. Villain am I none; Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not. Tybalt. Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw. Romeo. I do protest I never injur'd thee; But love thee better than thou canst devise Till thou shalt know the reason of my love: And so good Capulet, - which name I tender As dearly as mine own, - be satisfied. Mercutio. O calm, dishonourable, vile submission! Alla stoccata carries it away. [Draws.] Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk? Tybalt. What wouldst thou have with me? Mercutio. Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and, as you shall use me hereafter, dry-beat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out. Tybalt. I am for you. [Drawing.] Romeo. Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up. Mercutio. Come, sir, your passado. [They fight.] Romeo. Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons. - Gentlemen, for shame! forbear this outrage! - Tybalt, - Mercutio, - the prince expressly hath Forbid this bandying in Verona streets. - Hold, Tybalt! - good Mercutio! - [Exeunt Tybalt with his Partizans.] Mercutio. I am hurt; - A plague o' both your houses! - I am sped. - Is he gone, and hath nothing? Benvolio. What, art thou hurt? Mercutio. Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough. - Where is my page? - go, villain, fetch a surgeon. [Exit Page.] Romeo. Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. Mercutio. No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world. - A plague o' both your houses! - Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic! - Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm. Romeo. I thought all for the best. Mercutio. Help me into some house, Benvolio, Or I shall faint. - A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, and soundly too. - Your houses! [Exit Mercutio and Benvolio.] Romeo. This gentleman, the prince's near ally, My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt In my behalf; my reputation stain'd With Tybalt's slander, - Tybalt, that an hour Hath been my kinsman. - O sweet Juliet, Thy beauty hath made me effeminate And in my temper soften'd valour's steel. [Re-enter Benvolio.] Benvolio. O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead! That gallant spirit hath aspir'd the clouds, Which too untimely here did scorn the earth. Romeo. This day's black fate on more days doth depend; This but begins the woe others must end. Benvolio. Here comes the furious Tybalt back again. Romeo. Alive in triumph! and Mercutio slain! Away to heaven respective lenity, And fire-ey'd fury be my conduct now! - [Re-enter Tybalt.] Now, Tybalt, take the 'villain' back again That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul Is but a little way above our heads, Staying for thine to keep him company. Either thou or I, or both, must go with him. Tybalt. Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here, Shalt with him hence. Romeo. This shall determine that. [They fight; Tybalt falls.] Benvolio. Romeo, away, be gone! The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain. - Stand not amaz'd. The prince will doom thee death If thou art taken. Hence, be gone, away! Romeo. O, I am fortune's fool! Benvolio. Why dost thou stay? [Exit Romeo.] [Enter Citizens, &c.] 1 Citizen. Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio? Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he? Benvolio. There lies that Tybalt. 1 Citizen. Up, sir, go with me; I charge thee in the prince's name obey. [Enter Prince, attended; Montague, Capulet, their Wives, and others.] Prince. Where are the vile beginners of this fray? Benvolio. O noble prince. I can discover all The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: There lies the man, slain by young Romeo, That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio. Lady Capulet. Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child! - O prince! - O husband! - O, the blood is spill'd Of my dear kinsman! - Prince, as thou art true, For blood of ours shed blood of Montague. - O cousin, cousin! Prince. Benvolio, who began this bloody fray? Benvolio. Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay; Romeo, that spoke him fair, bid him bethink How nice the quarrel was, and urg'd withal Your high displeasure. - All this, - uttered With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd, - Could not take truce with the unruly spleen Of Tybalt, deaf to peace, but that he tilts With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast; Who, all as hot, turns deadly point to point, And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats Cold death aside, and with the other sends It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud, 'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and swifter than his tongue, His agile arm beats down their fatal points, And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled: But by-and-by comes back to Romeo, Who had but newly entertain'd revenge, And to't they go like lightning; for, ere I Could draw to part them was stout Tybalt slain; And as he fell did Romeo turn and fly. This is the truth, or let Benvolio die. Lady Capulet. He is a kinsman to the Montague, Affection makes him false, he speaks not true: Some twenty of them fought in this black strife, And all those twenty could but kill one life. I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give; Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live. Prince. Romeo slew him; he slew Mercutio: Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe? Montague. Not Romeo, prince; he was Mercutio's friend; His fault concludes but what the law should end, The life of Tybalt. Prince. And for that offence Immediately we do exile him hence: I have an interest in your hate's proceeding, My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding; But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine That you shall all repent the loss of mine: I will be deaf to pleading and excuses; Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses, Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste, Else, when he is found, that hour is his last. Bear hence this body, and attend our will: Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill. [Exeunt.] Scene II. A Room in Capulet's House. [Enter Juliet.] Juliet. Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, Towards Phoebus' lodging; such a waggoner As Phaeton would whip you to the west And bring in cloudy night immediately. - Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night! That rude eyes may wink, and Romeo Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen. - Lovers can see to do their amorous rites By their own beauties: or, if love be blind, It best agrees with night. - Come, civil night, Thou sober-suited matron, all in black, And learn me how to lose a winning match, Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods: Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks, With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold, Think true love acted simple modesty. Come, night; - come, Romeo; - come, thou day in night; For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night Whiter than new snow upon a raven's back. - Come, gentle night; - come, loving, black-brow'd night, Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night, And pay no worship to the garish sun. - O, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possess'd it; and, though I am sold, Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day As is the night before some festival To an impatient child that hath new robes, And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse, And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks But Romeo's name speaks heavenly eloquence. - [Enter Nurse, with cords.] Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords That Romeo bid thee fetch? Nurse. Ay, ay, the cords. [Throws them down.] Juliet. Ah me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands? Nurse. Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! We are undone, lady, we are undone! - Alack the day! - he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead! Juliet. Can heaven be so envious? Nurse. Romeo can, Though heaven cannot. - O Romeo, Romeo! - Who ever would have thought it? - Romeo! Juliet. What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus? This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell. Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but I, And that bare vowel I shall poison more Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice: I am not I if there be such an I; Or those eyes shut that make thee answer I. If he be slain, say I; or if not, no: Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe. Nurse. I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes, - God save the mark! - here on his manly breast. A piteous corse, a bloody piteous corse; Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood, All in gore-blood; - I swounded at the sight. Juliet. O, break, my heart! - poor bankrout, break at once! To prison, eyes; ne'er look on liberty! Vile earth, to earth resign; end motion here; And thou and Romeo press one heavy bier! Nurse. O Tybalt, Tybalt, the best friend I had! O courteous Tybalt! honest gentleman! That ever I should live to see thee dead! Juliet. What storm is this that blows so contrary? Is Romeo slaughter'd, and is Tybalt dead? My dear-lov'd cousin, and my dearer lord? - Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom! For who is living, if those two are gone? Nurse. Tybalt is gone, and Romeo banished; Romeo that kill'd him, he is banished. Juliet. O God! - did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood? Nurse. It did, it did; alas the day, it did! Juliet. O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face! Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave? Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical! Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb! Despised substance of divinest show! Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st, A damned saint, an honourable villain! - O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend In mortal paradise of such sweet flesh? - Was ever book containing such vile matter So fairly bound? O, that deceit should dwell In such a gorgeous palace! Nurse. There's no trust, No faith, no honesty in men; all perjur'd, All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers. - Ah, where's my man? Give me some aqua vitae. - These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old. Shame come to Romeo! Juliet. Blister'd be thy tongue For such a wish! he was not born to shame: Upon his brow shame is asham'd to sit; For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd Sole monarch of the universal earth. O, what a beast was I to chide at him! Nurse. Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin? Juliet. Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband? Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name, When I, thy three-hours' wife, have mangled it? - But wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin? That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband: Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring; Your tributary drops belong to woe, Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy. My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain; And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband: All this is comfort; wherefore weep I, then? Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death, That murder'd me: I would forget it fain; But O, it presses to my memory Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds: 'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo banished.' That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,' Hath slain ten thousand Tybalts. Tybalt's death Was woe enough, if it had ended there: Or, if sour woe delights in fellowship, And needly will be rank'd with other griefs, - Why follow'd not, when she said Tybalt's dead, Thy father, or thy mother, nay, or both, Which modern lamentation might have mov'd? But with a rear-ward following Tybalt's death, 'Romeo is banished' - to speak that word Is father, mother, Tybalt, Romeo, Juliet, All slain, all dead: 'Romeo is banished,' - There is no end, no limit, measure, bound, In that word's death; no words can that woe sound. - Where is my father and my mother, nurse? Nurse. Weeping and wailing over Tybalt's corse: Will you go to them? I will bring you thither. Juliet. Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent, When theirs are dry, for Romeo's banishment. Take up those cords. Poor ropes, you are beguil'd, Both you and I; for Romeo is exil'd: He made you for a highway to my bed; But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed. Come, cords; come, nurse; I'll to my wedding-bed; And death, not Romeo, take my maidenhead! Nurse. Hie to your chamber. I'll find Romeo To comfort you: I wot well where he is. Hark ye, your Romeo will be here at night: I'll to him; he is hid at Lawrence' cell. Juliet. O, find him! give this ring to my true knight, And bid him come to take his last farewell. [Exeunt.] Scene III. Friar Lawrence's cell. [Enter Friar Lawrence.] Friar. Romeo, come forth; come forth, thou fearful man. Affliction is enanmour'd of thy parts, And thou art wedded to calamity. [Enter Romeo.] Romeo. Father, what news? what is the prince's doom What sorrow craves acquaintance at my hand, That I yet know not? Friar. Too familiar Is my dear son with such sour company: I bring thee tidings of the prince's doom. Romeo. What less than doomsday is the prince's doom? Friar. A gentler judgment vanish'd from his lips, - Not body's death, but body's banishment. Romeo. Ha, banishment? be merciful, say death; For exile hath more terror in his look, Much more than death; do not say banishment. Friar. Hence from Verona art thou banished: Be patient, for the world is broad and wide. Romeo. There is no world without Verona walls, But purgatory, torture, hell itself. Hence-banished is banish'd from the world, And world's exile is death, - then banished Is death mis-term'd: calling death banishment, Thou cutt'st my head off with a golden axe, And smil'st upon the stroke that murders me. Friar. O deadly sin! O rude unthankfulness! Thy fault our law calls death; but the kind prince, Taking thy part, hath brush'd aside the law, And turn'd that black word death to banishment: This is dear mercy, and thou see'st it not. Romeo. 'Tis torture, and not mercy: heaven is here, Where Juliet lives; and every cat, and dog, And little mouse, every unworthy thing, Live here in heaven, and may look on her; But Romeo may not. - More validity, More honourable state, more courtship lives In carrion flies than Romeo: they may seize On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand, And steal immortal blessing from her lips; Who, even in pure and vestal modesty, Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin; But Romeo may not; he is banished, - This may flies do, when I from this must fly. And sayest thou yet that exile is not death! Hadst thou no poison mix'd, no sharp-ground knife, No sudden mean of death, though ne'er so mean, But banished to kill me; banished? O friar, the damned use that word in hell; Howlings attend it: how hast thou the heart, Being a divine, a ghostly confessor, A sin-absolver, and my friend profess'd, To mangle me with that word banishment? Friar. Thou fond mad man, hear me speak a little, - Romeo. O, thou wilt speak again of banishment. Friar. I'll give thee armour to keep off that word; Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy, To comfort thee, though thou art banished. Romeo. Yet banished? Hang up philosophy! Unless philosophy can make a Juliet, Displant a town, reverse a prince's doom, It helps not, it prevails not, - talk no more. Friar. O, then I see that madmen have no ears. Romeo. How should they, when that wise men have no eyes? Friar. Let me dispute with thee of thy estate. Romeo. Thou canst not speak of that thou dost not feel: Wert thou as young as I, Juliet thy love, An hour but married, Tybalt murdered, Doting like me, and like me banished, Then mightst thou speak, then mightst thou tear thy hair, And fall upon the ground, as I do now, Taking the measure of an unmade grave. [Knocking within.] Friar. Arise; one knocks. Good Romeo, hide thyself. Romeo. Not I; unless the breath of heartsick groans, Mist-like infold me from the search of eyes. [Knocking.] Friar. Hark, how they knock! - Who's there? - Romeo, arise; Thou wilt be taken. - Stay awhile; - Stand up; [Knocking.] Run to my study. - By-and-by! - God's will! What simpleness is this. - I come, I come! [Knocking.] Who knocks so hard? whence come you? what's your will? Nurse. [Within.] Let me come in, and you shall know my errand; I come from Lady Juliet. Friar. Welcome then. [Enter Nurse.] Nurse. O holy friar, O, tell me, holy friar, Where is my lady's lord, where's Romeo? Friar. There on the ground, with his own tears made drunk. Nurse. O, he is even in my mistress' case, - Just in her case! Friar. O woeful sympathy! Piteous predicament! Nurse. Even so lies she, Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering. - Stand up, stand up; stand, an you be a man: For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand; Why should you fall into so deep an O? Romeo. Nurse! Nurse. Ah sir! ah sir! - Well, death's the end of all. Romeo. Spakest thou of Juliet? how is it with her? Doth not she think me an old murderer, Now I have stain'd the childhood of our joy With blood remov'd but little from her own? Where is she? and how doth she/ and what says My conceal'd lady to our cancell'd love? Nurse. O, she says nothing, sir, but weeps and weeps; And now falls on her bed; and then starts up, And Tybalt calls; and then on Romeo cries, And then down falls again. Romeo. As if that name, Shot from the deadly level of a gun, Did murder her; as that name's cursed hand Murder'd her kinsman. - O, tell me, friar, tell me, In what vile part of this anatomy Doth my name lodge? tell me, that I may sack The hateful mansion. [Drawing his sword.] Friar. Hold thy desperate hand: Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art; Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote The unreasonable fury of a beast; Unseemly woman in a seeming man! Or ill-beseeming beast in seeming both! Thou hast amaz'd me: by my holy order, I thought thy disposition better temper'd. Hast thou slain Tybalt? wilt thou slay thyself? And slay thy lady, too, that lives in thee, By doing damned hate upon thyself? Why rail'st thou on thy birth, the heaven, and earth? Since birth and heaven and earth, all three do meet In thee at once; which thou at once wouldst lose. Fie, fie, thou sham'st thy shape, thy love, thy wit; Which, like a usurer, abound'st in all, And usest none in that true use indeed Which should bedeck thy shape, thy love, thy wit: Thy noble shape is but a form of wax, Digressing from the valour of a man; Thy dear love sworn, but hollow perjury, Killing that love which thou hast vow'd to cherish; Thy wit, that ornament to shape and love, Mis-shapen in the conduct of them both, Like powder in a skilless soldier's flask, Is set a-fire by thine own ignorance, And thou dismember'd with thine own defence. What, rouse thee, man! thy Juliet is alive, For whose dear sake thou wast but lately dead; There art thou happy: Tybalt would kill thee, But thou slewest Tybalt; there art thou happy too: The law, that threaten'd death, becomes thy friend, And turns it to exile; there art thou happy: A pack of blessings lights upon thy back; Happiness courts thee in her best array; But, like a misbehav'd and sullen wench, Thou pout'st upon thy fortune and thy love: - Take heed, take heed, for such die miserable. Go, get thee to thy love, as was decreed, Ascend her chamber, hence and comfort her: But, look, thou stay not till the watch be set, For then thou canst not pass to Mantua; Where thou shalt live till we can find a time To blaze your marriage, reconcile your friends, Beg pardon of the prince, and call thee back With twenty hundred thousand times more joy Than thou went'st forth in lamentation. - Go before, nurse: commend me to thy lady; And bid her hasten all the house to bed, Which heavy sorrow makes them apt unto. Romeo is coming. Nurse. O Lord, I could have stay'd here all the night To hear good counsel: O, what learning is! - My lord, I'll tell my lady you will come. Romeo. Do so, and bid my sweet prepare to chide. Nurse. Here, sir, a ring she bid me give you, sir: Hie you, make haste, for it grows very late. [Exit.] Romeo. How well my comfort is reviv'd by this! Friar. Go hence; good night! and here stands all your state: Either be gone before the watch be set, Or by the break of day disguis'd from hence. Sojourn in Mantua; I'll find out your man, And he shall signify from time to time Every good hap to you that chances here: Give me thy hand; 'tis late; farewell; good night. Romeo. But that a joy past joy calls out on me, It were a grief so brief to part with thee: Farewell. [Exeunt.] Scene IV. A Room in Capulet's House. [Enter Capulet, Lady Capulet, and Paris.] Capulet. Things have fallen out, sir, so unluckily That we have had no time to move our daughter: Look you, she lov'd her kinsman Tybalt dearly, And so did I; well, we were born to die. 'Tis very late; she'll not come down to-night: I promise you, but for your company, I would have been a-bed an hour ago. Paris. These times of woe afford no tune to woo. - Madam, good night: commend me to your daughter. Lady Capulet. I will, and know her mind early to-morrow; To-night she's mew'd up to her heaviness. Capulet. Sir Paris, I will make a desperate tender Of my child's love: I think she will be rul'd In all respects by me; nay more, I doubt it not. - Wife, go you to her ere you go to bed; Acquaint her here of my son Paris' love; And bid her, mark you me, on Wednesday next, - But, soft! what day is this? Paris. Monday, my lord. Capulet. Monday! ha, ha! Well, Wednesday is too soon, Thursday let it be; - a Thursday, tell her, She shall be married to this noble earl. - Will you be ready? do you like this haste? We'll keep no great ado, - a friend or two; For, hark you, Tybalt being slain so late, It may be thought we held him carelessly, Being our kinsman, if we revel much: Therefore we'll have some half a dozen friends, And there an end. But what say you to Thursday? Paris. My lord, I would that Thursday were to-morrow. Capulet. Well, get you gone: o' Thursday be it then. - Go you to Juliet, ere you go to bed, Prepare her, wife, against this wedding-day. - Farewell, my lord. - Light to my chamber, ho! - Afore me, it is so very very late That we may call it early by and by. - Good night. [Exeunt.] Scene V. An open Gallery to Juliet's Chamber, overlooking the Garden. [Enter Romeo and Juliet.] Juliet. Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day: It was the nightingale, and not the lark, That pierc'd the fearful hollow of thine ear; Nightly she sings on yond pomegranate tree: Believe me, love, it was the nightingale. Romeo. It was the lark, the herald of the morn, No nightingale: look, love, what envious streaks Do lace the severing clouds in yonder east: Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day Stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops. I must be gone and live, or stay and die. Juliet. Yond light is not daylight, I know it, I: It is some meteor that the sun exhales To be to thee this night a torch-bearer And light thee on the way to Mantua: Therefore stay yet, thou need'st not to be gone. Romeo. Let me be ta'en, let me be put to death; I am content, so thou wilt have it so. I'll say yon gray is not the morning's eye, 'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow; Nor that is not the lark whose notes do beat The vaulty heaven so high above our heads: I have more care to stay than will to go. - Come, death, and welcome! Juliet wills it so. - How is't, my soul? let's talk, - it is not day. Juliet. It is, it is! - hie hence, be gone, away! It is the lark that sings so out of tune, Straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps. Some say the lark makes sweet division; This doth not so, for she divideth us: Some say the lark and loathed toad change eyes; O, now I would they had chang'd voices too! Since arm from arm that voice doth us affray, Hunting thee hence with hunt's-up to the day. O, now be gone; more light and light it grows. Romeo. More light and light, - more dark and dark our woes! [Enter Nurse.] Nurse. Madam! Juliet. Nurse? Nurse. Your lady mother is coming to your chamber: The day is broke; be wary, look about. [Exit.] Juliet. Then, window, let day in, and let life out. Romeo. Farewell, farewell! one kiss, and I'll descend. [Descends.] Juliet. Art thou gone so? my lord, my love, my friend! I must hear from thee every day i' the hour, For in a minute there are many days: O, by this count I shall be much in years Ere I again behold my Romeo! Romeo. Farewell! I will omit no opportunity That may convey my greetings, love, to thee. Juliet. O, think'st thou we shall ever meet again? Romeo. I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve For sweet discourses in our time to come. Juliet. O God! I have an ill-divining soul! Methinks I see thee, now thou art below, As one dead in the bottom of a tomb: Either my eyesight fails, or thou look'st pale. Romeo. And trust me, love, in my eye so do you: Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu, adieu! [Exit below.] Juliet. O fortune, fortune! all men call thee fickle: If thou art fickle, what dost thou with him That is renown'd for faith? Be fickle, fortune; For then, I hope, thou wilt not keep him long But send him back. Lady Capulet. [Within.] Ho, daughter! are you up? Juliet. Who is't that calls? is it my lady mother? Is she not down so late, or up so early? What unaccustom'd cause procures her hither? [Enter Lady Capulet.] Lady Capulet. Why, how now, Juliet? Juliet. Madam, I am not well. Lady Capulet. Evermore weeping for your cousin's death? What, wilt thou wash him from his grave with tears? An if thou couldst, thou couldst not make him live; Therefore have done: some grief shows much of love; But much of grief shows still some want of wit. Juliet. Yet let me weep for such a feeling loss. Lady Capulet. So shall you feel the loss, but not the friend Which you weep for. Juliet. Feeling so the loss, I cannot choose but ever weep the friend. Lady Capulet. Well, girl, thou weep'st not so much for his death As that the villain lives which slaughter'd him. Juliet. What villain, madam? Lady Capulet. That same villain Romeo. Juliet. Villain and he be many miles asunder. - God pardon him! I do, with all my heart; And yet no man like he doth grieve my heart. Lady Capulet. That is because the traitor murderer lives. Juliet. Ay, madam, from the reach of these my hands. Would none but I might venge my cousin's death! Lady Capulet. We will have vengeance for it, fear thou not: Then weep no more. I'll send to one in Mantua, - Where that same banish'd runagate doth live, - Shall give him such an unaccustom'd dram That he shall soon keep Tybalt company: And then I hope thou wilt be satisfied. Juliet. Indeed I never shall be satisfied With Romeo till I behold him - dead - Is my poor heart so for a kinsman vex'd: Madam, if you could find out but a man To bear a poison, I would temper it, That Romeo should, upon receipt thereof, Soon sleep in quiet. O, how my heart abhors To hear him nam'd, - and cannot come to him, - To wreak the love I bore my cousin Tybalt Upon his body that hath slaughter'd him! Lady Capulet. Find thou the means, and I'll find such a man. But now I'll tell thee joyful tidings, girl. Juliet. And joy comes well in such a needy time: What are they, I beseech your ladyship? Lady Capulet. Well, well, thou hast a careful father, child; One who, to put thee from thy heaviness, Hath sorted out a sudden day of joy That thou expect'st not, nor I look'd not for. Juliet. Madam, in happy time, what day is that? Lady Capulet. Marry, my child, early next Thursday morn The gallant, young, and noble gentleman, The County Paris, at St. Peter's Church, Shall happily make thee there a joyful bride. Juliet. Now by Saint Peter's Church, and Peter too, He shall not make me there a joyful bride. I wonder at this haste; that I must wed Ere he that should be husband comes to woo. I pray you, tell my lord and father, madam, I will not marry yet; and when I do, I swear It shall be Romeo, whom you know I hate, Rather than Paris: - these are news indeed! Lady Capulet. Here comes your father: tell him so yourself, And see how he will take it at your hands. [Enter Capulet and Nurse.] Capulet. When the sun sets, the air doth drizzle dew; But for the sunset of my brother's son It rains downright. - How now! a conduit, girl? what, still in tears? Evermore showering? In one little body Thou counterfeit'st a bark, a sea, a wind: For still thy eyes, which I may call the sea, Do ebb and flow with tears; the bark thy body is, Sailing in this salt flood; the winds, thy sighs; Who, - raging with thy tears and they with them, - Without a sudden calm, will overset Thy tempest-tossed body. - How now, wife! Have you deliver'd to her our decree? Lady Capulet. Ay, sir; but she will none, she gives you thanks. I would the fool were married to her grave! Capulet. Soft! take me with you, take me with you, wife. How! will she none? doth she not give us thanks? Is she not proud? doth she not count her bles'd, Unworthy as she is, that we have wrought So worthy a gentleman to be her bridegroom? Juliet. Not proud you have; but thankful that you have: Proud can I never be of what I hate; But thankful even for hate that is meant love. Capulet. How now, how now, chop-logic! What is this? Proud, - and, I thank you, - and I thank you not; - And yet not proud: - mistress minion, you, Thank me no thankings, nor proud me no prouds, But fettle your fine joints 'gainst Thursday next To go with Paris to Saint Peter's Church, Or I will drag thee on a hurdle thither. Out, you green-sickness carrion! out, you baggage! You tallow-face! Lady Capulet. Fie, fie! what, are you mad? Juliet. Good father, I beseech you on my knees, Hear me with patience but to speak a word. Capulet. Hang thee, young baggage! disobedient wretch! I tell thee what, - get thee to church o' Thursday, Or never after look me in the face: Speak not, reply not, do not answer me; My fingers itch. - Wife, we scarce thought us bles'd That God had lent us but this only child; But now I see this one is one too much, And that we have a curse in having her: Out on her, hilding! Nurse. God in heaven bless her! - You are to blame, my lord, to rate her so. Capulet. And why, my lady wisdom? hold your tongue, Good prudence; smatter with your gossips, go. Nurse. I speak no treason. Capulet. O, God ye good-en! Nurse. May not one speak? Capulet. Peace, you mumbling fool! Utter your gravity o'er a gossip's bowl, For here we need it not. Lady Capulet. You are too hot. Capulet. God's bread! it makes me mad: Day, night, hour, time, tide, work, play, Alone, in company, still my care hath been To have her match'd, and having now provided A gentleman of noble parentage, Of fair demesnes, youthful, and nobly train'd, Stuff'd, as they say, with honourable parts, Proportion'd as one's heart would wish a man, - And then to have a wretched puling fool, A whining mammet, in her fortune's tender, To answer, 'I'll not wed, - I cannot love, I am too young, - I pray you pardon me:' - But, an you will not wed, I'll pardon you: Graze where you will, you shall not house with me: Look to't, think on't, I do not use to jest. Thursday is near; lay hand on heart, advise: An you be mine, I'll give you to my friend; An you be not, hang, beg, starve, die i' the streets, For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee, Nor what is mine shall never do thee good: Trust to't, bethink you, I'll not be forsworn. [Exit.] Juliet. Is there no pity sitting in the clouds, That sees into the bottom of my grief? O, sweet my mother, cast me not away! Delay this marriage for a month, a week; Or, if you do not, make the bridal bed In that dim monument where Tybalt lies. Lady Capulet. Talk not to me, for I'll not speak a word; Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee. [Exit.] Juliet. O God! - O nurse! how shall this be prevented? My husband is on earth, my faith in heaven; How shall that faith return again to earth, Unless that husband send it me from heaven By leaving earth? - comfort me, counsel me. - Alack, alack, that heaven should practise stratagems Upon so soft a subject as myself! - What say'st thou? hast thou not a word of joy? Some comfort, nurse. Nurse. Faith, here 'tis; Romeo Is banished; and all the world to nothing That he dares ne'er come back to challenge you; Or if he do, it needs must be by stealth. Then, since the case so stands as now it doth, I think it best you married with the county. O, he's a lovely gentleman! Romeo's a dishclout to him; an eagle, madam, Hath not so green, so quick, so fair an eye As Paris hath. Beshrew my very heart, I think you are happy in this second match, For it excels your first: or if it did not, Your first is dead; or 'twere as good he were, As living here, and you no use of him. Juliet. Speakest thou this from thy heart? Nurse. And from my soul too; Or else beshrew them both. Juliet. Amen! Nurse. What? Juliet. Well, thou hast comforted me marvellous much. Go in; and tell my lady I am gone, Having displeas'd my father, to Lawrence' cell, To make confession and to be absolv'd. Nurse. Marry, I will; and this is wisely done. [Exit.] Juliet. Ancient damnation! O most wicked fiend! Is it more sin to wish me thus forsworn, Or to dispraise my lord with that same tongue Which she hath prais'd him with above compare So many thousand times? - Go, counsellor; Thou and my bosom henceforth shall be twain. - I'll to the friar to know his remedy; If all else fail, myself have power to die. [Exit.] ACT IV. Scene I. Friar Lawrence's Cell. [Enter Friar Lawrence and Paris.] Friar. On Thursday, sir? the time is very short. Paris. My father Capulet will have it so; And I am nothing slow to slack his haste. Friar. You say you do not know the lady's mind: Uneven is the course; I like it not. Paris. Immoderately she weeps for Tybalt's death, And therefore have I little talk'd of love; For Venus smiles not in a house of tears. Now, sir, her father counts it dangerous That she do give her sorrow so much sway; And, in his wisdom, hastes our marriage, To stop the inundation of her tears; Which, too much minded by herself alone, May be put from her by society: Now do you know the reason of this haste. Friar. [Aside.] I would I knew not why it should be slow'd. - Look, sir, here comes the lady toward my cell. [Enter Juliet.] Paris. Happily met, my lady and my wife! Juliet. That may be, sir, when I may be a wife. Paris. That may be must be, love, on Thursday next. Juliet. What must be shall be. Friar. That's a certain text. Paris. Come you to make confession to this father? Juliet. To answer that, I should confess to you. Paris. Do not deny to him that you love me. Juliet. I will confess to you that I love him. Paris. So will ye, I am sure, that you love me. Juliet. If I do so, it will be of more price, Being spoke behind your back than to your face. Paris. Poor soul, thy face is much abus'd with tears. Juliet. The tears have got small victory by that; For it was bad enough before their spite. Paris. Thou wrong'st it more than tears with that report. Juliet. That is no slander, sir, which is a truth; And what I spake, I spake it to my face. Paris. Thy face is mine, and thou hast slander'd it. Juliet. It may be so, for it is not mine own. - Are you at leisure, holy father, now; Or shall I come to you at evening mass? Friar. My leisure serves me, pensive daughter, now. - My lord, we must entreat the time alone. Paris. God shield I should disturb devotion! - Juliet, on Thursday early will I rouse you: Till then, adieu; and keep this holy kiss. [Exit.] Juliet. O, shut the door! and when thou hast done so, Come weep with me; past hope, past cure, past help! Friar. Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief; It strains me past the compass of my wits: I hear thou must, and nothing may prorogue it, On Thursday next be married to this county. Juliet. Tell me not, friar, that thou hear'st of this, Unless thou tell me how I may prevent it: If, in thy wisdom, thou canst give no help, Do thou but call my resolution wise, And with this knife I'll help it presently. God join'd my heart and Romeo's, thou our hands; And ere this hand, by thee to Romeo's seal'd, Shall be the label to another deed, Or my true heart with treacherous revolt Turn to another, this shall slay them both: Therefore, out of thy long-experienc'd time, Give me some present counsel; or, behold, 'Twixt my extremes and me this bloody knife Shall play the empire; arbitrating that Which the commission of thy years and art Could to no issue of true honour bring. Be not so long to speak; I long to die, If what thou speak'st speak not of remedy. Friar. Hold, daughter. I do spy a kind of hope, Which craves as desperate an execution As that is desperate which we would prevent. If, rather than to marry County Paris Thou hast the strength of will to slay thyself, Then is it likely thou wilt undertake A thing like death to chide away this shame, That cop'st with death himself to scape from it; And, if thou dar'st, I'll give thee remedy. Juliet. O, bid me leap, rather than marry Paris, From off the battlements of yonder tower; Or walk in thievish ways; or bid me lurk Where serpents are; chain me with roaring bears; Or shut me nightly in a charnel-house, O'er-cover'd quite with dead men's rattling bones, With reeky shanks and yellow chapless skulls; Or bid me go into a new-made grave, And hide me with a dead man in his shroud; Things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble; And I will do it without fear or doubt, To live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love. Friar. Hold, then; go home, be merry, give consent To marry Paris: Wednesday is to-morrow; To-morrow night look that thou lie alone, Let not thy nurse lie with thee in thy chamber: Take thou this vial, being then in bed, And this distilled liquor drink thou off: When, presently, through all thy veins shall run A cold and drowsy humour; for no pulse Shall keep his native progress, but surcease: No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest; The roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade To paly ashes; thy eyes' windows fall, Like death, when he shuts up the day of life; Each part, depriv'd of supple government, Shall, stiff and stark and cold, appear like death: And in this borrow'd likeness of shrunk death Thou shalt continue two-and-forty hours, And then awake as from a pleasant sleep. Now, when the bridegroom in the morning comes To rouse thee from thy bed, there art thou dead: Then, - as the manner of our country is, - In thy best robes, uncover'd, on the bier, Thou shalt be borne to that same ancient vault Where all the kindred of the Capulets lie. In the mean time, against thou shalt awake, Shall Romeo by my letters know our drift; And hither shall he come: and he and I Will watch thy waking, and that very night Shall Romeo bear thee hence to Mantua. And this shall free thee from this present shame, If no inconstant toy nor womanish fear Abate thy valour in the acting it. Juliet. Give me, give me! O, tell not me of fear! Friar. Hold; get you gone, be strong and prosperous In this resolve: I'll send a friar with speed To Mantua, with my letters to thy lord. Juliet. Love give me strength! and strength shall help afford. Farewell, dear father. [Exeunt.] Scene II. Hall in Capulet's House. [Enter Capulet, Lady Capulet, Nurse, and Servants.] Capulet. So many guests invite as here are writ. - [Exit first Servant.] Sirrah, go hire me twenty cunning cooks. 2 Servant. You shall have none ill, sir; for I'll try if they can lick their fingers. Capulet. How canst thou try them so? 2 Servant. Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers: therefore he that cannot lick his fingers goes not with me. Capulet. Go, begone. - [Exit second Servant.] We shall be much unfurnish'd for this time. - What, is my daughter gone to Friar Lawrence? Nurse. Ay, forsooth. Capulet. Well, be may chance to do some good on her: A peevish self-will'd harlotry it is. Nurse. See where she comes from shrift with merry look. [Enter Juliet.] Capulet. How now, my headstrong! where have you been gadding? Juliet. Where I have learn'd me to repent the sin Of disobedient opposition To you and your behests; and am enjoin'd By holy Lawrence to fall prostrate here, To beg your pardon: - pardon, I beseech you! Henceforward I am ever rul'd by you. Capulet. Send for the county; go tell him of this: I'll have this knot knit up to-morrow morning. Juliet. I met the youthful lord at Lawrence' cell; And gave him what becomed love I might, Not stepping o'er the bounds of modesty. Capulet. Why, I am glad on't; this is well, - stand up, - This is as't should be. - Let me see the county; Ay, marry, go, I say, and fetch him hither. - Now, afore God, this reverend holy friar, All our whole city is much bound to him. Juliet. Nurse, will you go with me into my closet, To help me sort such needful ornaments As you think fit to furnish me to-morrow? Lady Capulet. No, not till Thursday; there is time enough. Capulet. Go, nurse, go with her. - We'll to church to-morrow. [Exeunt Juliet and Nurse.] Lady Capulet. We shall be short in our provision: 'Tis now near night. Capulet. Tush, I will stir about, And all things shall be well, I warrant thee, wife: Go thou to Juliet, help to deck up her; I'll not to bed to-night; - let me alone; I'll play the housewife for this once. - What, ho! - They are all forth: well, I will walk myself To County Paris, to prepare him up Against to-morrow: my heart is wondrous light Since this same wayward girl is so reclaim'd. [Exeunt.] Scene III. Juliet's Chamber. [Enter Juliet and Nurse.] Juliet. Ay, those attires are best: - but, gentle nurse, I pray thee, leave me to myself to-night; For I have need of many orisons To move the heavens to smile upon my state, Which, well thou know'st, is cross and full of sin. [Enter Lady Capulet.] Lady Capulet. What, are you busy, ho? need you my help? Juliet. No, madam; we have cull'd such necessaries As are behoveful for our state to-morrow: So please you, let me now be left alone, And let the nurse this night sit up with you; For I am sure you have your hands full all In this so sudden business. Lady Capulet. Good night: Get thee to bed, and rest; for thou hast need. [Exeunt Lady Capulet and Nurse.] Juliet. Farewell! - God knows when we shall meet again. I have a faint cold fear thrills through my veins That almost freezes up the heat of life: I'll call them back again to comfort me; - Nurse! - What should she do here? My dismal scene I needs must act alone. - Come, vial. - What if this mixture do not work at all? Shall I be married, then, to-morrow morning? - No, No! - this shall forbid it: - lie thou there. - [Laying down her dagger.] What if it be a poison, which the friar Subtly hath minister'd to have me dead, Lest in this marriage he should be dishonour'd, Because he married me before to Romeo? I fear it is: and yet methinks it should not, For he hath still been tried a holy man: - I will not entertain so bad a thought. - How if, when I am laid into the tomb, I wake before the time that Romeo Come to redeem me? there's a fearful point! Shall I not then be stifled in the vault, To whose foul mouth no healthsome air breathes in, And there die strangled ere my Romeo comes? Or, if I live, is it not very like The horrible conceit of death and night, Together with the terror of the place, - As in a vault, an ancient receptacle, Where, for this many hundred years, the bones Of all my buried ancestors are pack'd; Where bloody Tybalt, yet but green in earth, Lies festering in his shroud; where, as they say, At some hours in the night spirits resort; - Alack, alack, is it not like that I, So early waking, - what with loathsome smells, And shrieks like mandrakes torn out of the earth, That living mortals, hearing them, run mad; - O, if I wake, shall I not be distraught, Environed with all these hideous fears? And madly play with my forefathers' joints? And pluck the mangled Tybalt from his shroud? And, in this rage, with some great kinsman's bone, As with a club, dash out my desperate brains? - O, look! methinks I see my cousin's ghost Seeking out Romeo, that did spit his body Upon a rapier's point: - stay, Tybalt, stay! - Romeo, I come! this do I drink to thee. [Throws herself on the bed.] Scene IV. Hall in Capulet's House. [Enter Lady Capulet and Nurse.] Lady Capulet. Hold, take these keys and fetch more spices, nurse. Nurse. They call for dates and quinces in the pastry. [Enter Capulet.] Capulet. Come, stir, stir, stir! The second cock hath crow'd, The curfew bell hath rung, 'tis three o'clock: - Look to the bak'd meats, good Angelica; Spare not for cost. Nurse. Go, you cot-quean, go, Get you to bed; faith, you'll be sick to-morrow For this night's watching. Capulet. No, not a whit: what! I have watch'd ere now All night for lesser cause, and ne'er been sick. Lady Capulet. Ay, you have been a mouse-hunt in your time; But I will watch you from such watching now. [Exeunt Lady Capulet and Nurse.] Capulet. A jealous-hood, a jealous-hood! - Now, fellow, [Enter Servants, with spits, logs and baskets.] What's there? 1 Servant. Things for the cook, sir; but I know not what. Capulet. Make haste, make haste. [Exit 1 Servant.] - Sirrah, fetch drier logs: Call Peter, he will show thee where they are. 2 Servant. I have a head, sir, that will find out logs And never trouble Peter for the matter. [Exit.] Capulet. Mass, and well said; a merry whoreson, ha! Thou shalt be logger-head. - Good faith, 'tis day. The county will be here with music straight, For so he said he would: - I hear him near. [Music within.] Nurse! - wife! - what, ho! - what, nurse, I say! [Re-enter Nurse.] Go, waken Juliet; go and trim her up; I'll go and chat with Paris: - hie, make haste, Make haste; the bridegroom he is come already: Make haste, I say. [Exeunt.] Scene V. Juliet's Chamber; Juliet on the bed. [Enter Nurse.] Nurse. Mistress! - what, mistress! - Juliet! - fast, I warrant her, she: - Why, lamb! - why, lady! - fie, you slug-abed! - Why, love, I say! - madam! sweetheart! - why, bride! - What, not a word? - you take your pennyworths now; Sleep for a week; for the next night, I warrant, The County Paris hath set up his rest That you shall rest but little. - God forgive me! Marry, and amen, how sound is she asleep! I needs must wake her. - Madam, madam, madam! - Ay, let the county take you in your bed; He'll fright you up, i' faith. - Will it not be? What, dress'd! and in your clothes! and down again! I must needs wake you. - lady! lady! lady! - Alas, alas! - Help, help! My lady's dead! - O, well-a-day that ever I was born! - Some aqua-vitae, ho! - my lord! my lady! [Enter Lady Capulet.] Lady Capulet What noise is here? Nurse. O lamentable day! Lady Capulet. What is the matter? Nurse. Look, look! O heavy day! Lady Capulet. O me, O me! - my child, my only life! Revive, look up, or I will die with thee! - Help, help! - call help. [Enter Capulet.] Capulet. For shame, bring Juliet forth; her lord is come. Nurse. She's dead, deceas'd, she's dead; alack the day! Lady Capulet Alack the day, she's dead, she's dead, she's dead! Capulet. Ha! let me see her: - out alas! she's cold; Her blood is settled, and her joints are stiff; Life and these lips have long been separated: Death lies on her like an untimely frost Upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Accursed time! unfortunate old man! Nurse. O lamentable day! Lady Capulet. O woful time! Capulet. Death, that hath ta'en her hence to make me wail, Ties up my tongue and will not let me speak. [Enter Friar Lawrence and Paris, with Musicians.] Friar. Come, is the bride ready to go to church? Capulet. Ready to go, but never to return: - O son, the night before thy wedding day Hath death lain with thy bride: - there she lies, Flower as she was, deflowered by him. Death is my son-in-law, death is my heir; My daughter he hath wedded: I will die. And leave him all; life, living, all is death's. Paris. Have I thought long to see this morning's face, And doth it give me such a sight as this? Lady Capulet. Accurs'd, unhappy, wretched, hateful day! Most miserable hour that e'er time saw In lasting labour of his pilgrimage! But one, poor one, one poor and loving child, But one thing to rejoice and solace in, And cruel death hath catch'd it from my sight! Nurse. O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day, most woeful day That ever, ever, I did yet behold! O day! O day! O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this: O woeful day! O woeful day! Paris. Beguil'd, divorced, wronged, spited, slain! Most detestable death, by thee beguil'd, By cruel cruel thee quite overthrown! - O love! O life! - not life, but love in death! Capulet. Despis'd, distressed, hated, martyr'd, kill'd! - Uncomfortable time, why cam'st thou now To murder, murder our solemnity? - O child! O child! - my soul, and not my child! - Dead art thou, dead! - alack, my child is dead; And with my child my joys are buried! Friar. Peace, ho, for shame! confusion's cure lives not In these confusions. Heaven and yourself Had part in this fair maid; now heaven hath all, And all the better is it for the maid: Your part in her you could not keep from death; But heaven keeps his part in eternal life. The most you sought was her promotion; For 'twas your heaven she should be advanc'd: And weep ye now, seeing she is advanc'd Above the clouds, as high as heaven itself? O, in this love, you love your child so ill That you run mad, seeing that she is well: She's not well married that lives married long: But she's best married that dies married young. Dry up your tears, and stick your rosemary On this fair corse; and, as the custom is, In all her best array bear her to church; For though fond nature bids us all lament, Yet nature's tears are reason's merriment. Capulet. All things that we ordained festival Turn from their office to black funeral: Our instruments to melancholy bells; Our wedding cheer to a sad burial feast; Our solemn hymns to sullen dirges change; Our bridal flowers serve for a buried corse, And all things change them to the contrary. Friar. Sir, go you in, - and, madam, go with him; - And go, Sir Paris; - every one prepare To follow this fair corse unto her grave: The heavens do lower upon you for some ill; Move them no more by crossing their high will. [Exeunt Capulet, Lady Capulet, Paris, and Friar.] 1 Musician. Faith, we may put up our pipes and be gone. Nurse. Honest good fellows, ah, put up, put up; For well you know this is a pitiful case. [Exit.] 1 Musician. Ay, by my troth, the case may be amended. [Enter Peter.] Peter. Musicians, O, musicians, 'Heart's ease,' 'Heart's ease': O, an you will have me live, play 'Heart's ease.' 1 Musician. Why 'Heart's ease'? Peter. O, musicians, because my heart itself plays 'My heart is full of woe': O, play me some merry dump to comfort me. 1 Musician. Not a dump we: 'tis no time to play now. Peter. You will not then? 1 Musician. No. Peter. I will then give it you soundly. 1 Musician. What will you give us? Peter. No money, on my faith; but the gleek, - I will give you the minstrel. 1 Musician. Then will I give you the serving-creature. Peter. Then will I lay the serving-creature's dagger on your pate. I will carry no crotchets: I'll re you, I'll fa you: do you note me? 1 Musician. An you re us and fa us, you note us. 2 Musician. Pray you put up your dagger, and put out your wit. Peter. Then have at you with my wit! I will dry-beat you with an iron wit, and put up my iron dagger. - Answer me like men: 'When griping grief the heart doth wound, And doleful dumps the mind oppress, Then music with her silver sound' - why 'silver sound'? why 'music with her silver sound'? - What say you, Simon Catling? 1 Musician. Marry, sir, because silver hath a sweet sound. Peter. Pretty! - What say you, Hugh Rebeck? 2 Musician. I say 'silver sound' because musicians sound for silver. Peter. Pretty too! - What say you, James Soundpost? 3 Musician. Faith, I know not what to say. Peter. O, I cry you mercy; you are the singer: I will say for you. It is 'music with her silver sound' because musicians have no gold for sounding: - 'Then music with her silver sound With speedy help doth lend redress.' [Exit.] 1 Musician. What a pestilent knave is this same! 2 Musician. Hang him, Jack! - Come, we'll in here; tarry for the mourners, and stay dinner. [Exeunt.] Act V. Scene I. Mantua. A Street. [Enter Romeo.] Romeo. If I may trust the flattering eye of sleep, My dreams presage some joyful news at hand; My bosom's lord sits lightly in his throne; And all this day an unaccustom'd spirit Lifts me above the ground with cheerful thoughts. I dreamt my lady came and found me dead, - Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave to think! - And breath'd such life with kisses in my lips, That I reviv'd, and was an emperor. Ah me! how sweet is love itself possess'd, When but love's shadows are so rich in joy! [Enter Balthasar.] News from Verona! - How now, Balthasar? Dost thou not bring me letters from the friar? How doth my lady? Is my father well? How fares my Juliet? that I ask again; For nothing can be ill if she be well. Balthasar. Then she is well, and nothing can be ill: Her body sleeps in Capel's monument, And her immortal part with angels lives. I saw her laid low in her kindred's vault, And presently took post to tell it you: O, pardon me for bringing these ill news, Since you did leave it for my office, sir. Romeo. Is it even so? then I defy you, stars! - Thou know'st my lodging: get me ink and paper, And hire post-horses. I will hence to-night. Balthasar. I do beseech you, sir, have patience: Your looks are pale and wild, and do import Some misadventure. Romeo. Tush, thou art deceiv'd: Leave me, and do the thing I bid thee do. Hast thou no letters to me from the friar? Balthasar. No, my good lord. Romeo. No matter: get thee gone, And hire those horses; I'll be with thee straight. [Exit Balthasar.] Well, Juliet, I will lie with thee to-night. Let's see for means; - O mischief, thou art swift To enter in the thoughts of desperate men! I do remember an apothecary, - And hereabouts he dwells, - which late I noted In tatter'd weeds, with overwhelming brows, Culling of simples; meagre were his looks, Sharp misery had worn him to the bones; And in his needy shop a tortoise hung, An alligator stuff'd, and other skins Of ill-shaped fishes; and about his shelves A beggarly account of empty boxes, Green earthen pots, bladders, and musty seeds, Remnants of packthread, and old cakes of roses, Were thinly scatter'd, to make up a show. Noting this penury, to myself I said, An if a man did need a poison now, Whose sale is present death in Mantua, Here lives a caitiff wretch would sell it him. O, this same thought did but forerun my need; And this same needy man must sell it me. As I remember, this should be the house: Being holiday, the beggar's shop is shut. - What, ho! apothecary! [Enter Apothecary.] Apothecary. Who calls so loud? Romeo. Come hither, man. - I see that thou art poor; Hold, there is forty ducats: let me have A dram of poison; such soon-speeding gear As will disperse itself through all the veins That the life-weary taker mall fall dead; And that the trunk may be discharg'd of breath As violently as hasty powder fir'd Doth hurry from the fatal cannon's womb. Apothecary. Such mortal drugs I have; but Mantua's law Is death to any he that utters them. Romeo. Art thou so bare and full of wretchedness And fear'st to die? famine is in thy cheeks, Need and oppression starveth in thine eyes, Contempt and beggary hangs upon thy back, The world is not thy friend, nor the world's law: The world affords no law to make thee rich; Then be not poor, but break it and take this. Apothecary. My poverty, but not my will consents. Romeo. I pay thy poverty, and not thy will. Apothecary. Put this in any liquid thing you will, And drink it off; and, if you had the strength Of twenty men, it would despatch you straight. Romeo. There is thy gold; worse poison to men's souls, Doing more murders in this loathsome world Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell: I sell thee poison; thou hast sold me none. Farewell: buy food and get thyself in flesh. - Come, cordial and not poison, go with me To Juliet's grave; for there must I use thee. [Exeunt.] Scene II. Friar Lawrence's Cell. [Enter Friar John.] Friar John. Holy Franciscan friar! brother, ho! [Enter Friar Lawrence.] Friar Lawrence. This same should be the voice of Friar John. Welcome from Mantua: what says Romeo? Or, if his mind be writ, give me his letter. Friar John. Going to find a barefoot brother out, One of our order, to associate me, Here in this city visiting the sick, And finding him, the searchers of the town, Suspecting that we both were in a house Where the infectious pestilence did reign, Seal'd up the doors, and would not let us forth; So that my speed to Mantua there was stay'd. Friar Lawrence. Who bare my letter, then, to Romeo? Friar John. I could not send it, - here it is again, - Nor get a messenger to bring it thee, So fearful were they of infection. Friar Lawrence. Unhappy fortune! by my brotherhood, The letter was not nice, but full of charge Of dear import; and the neglecting it May do much danger. Friar John, go hence; Get me an iron crow and bring it straight Unto my cell. Friar John. Brother, I'll go and bring it thee. [Exit.] Friar Lawrence. Now must I to the monument alone; Within this three hours will fair Juliet wake: She will beshrew me much that Romeo Hath had no notice of these accidents; But I will write again to Mantua, And keep her at my cell till Romeo come; - Poor living corse, clos'd in a dead man's tomb! [Exit.] Scene III. A churchyard; in it a Monument belonging to the Capulets. [Enter Paris, and his Page bearing flowers and a torch.] Paris. Give me thy torch, boy: hence, and stand aloof; - Yet put it out, for I would not be seen. Under yond yew tree lay thee all along, Holding thine ear close to the hollow ground; So shall no foot upon the churchyard tread, - Being loose, unfirm, with digging up of graves, - But thou shalt hear it: whistle then to me, As signal that thou hear'st something approach. Give me those flowers. Do as I bid thee, go. Page. [Aside.] I am almost afraid to stand alone Here in the churchyard; yet I will adventure. [Retires.] Paris. Sweet flower, with flowers thy bridal bed I strew: O woe! thy canopy is dust and stones! Which with sweet water nightly I will dew; Or, wanting that, with tears distill'd by moans: The obsequies that I for thee will keep, Nightly shall be to strew thy grave and weep. [The Page whistles.] The boy gives warning something doth approach. What cursed foot wanders this way to-night, To cross my obsequies and true love's rite? What, with a torch! muffle me, night, awhile. [Retires.] [Enter Romeo and Balthasar with a torch, mattock, &c.] Romeo. Give me that mattock and the wrenching iron. Hold, take this letter; early in the morning See thou deliver it to my lord and father. Give me the light; upon thy life I charge thee, Whate'er thou hear'st or seest, stand all aloof And do not interrupt me in my course. Why I descend into this bed of death Is partly to behold my lady's face, But chiefly to take thence from her dead finger A precious ring, - a ring that I must use In dear employment: therefore hence, be gone: - But if thou, jealous, dost return to pry In what I further shall intend to do, By heaven, I will tear thee joint by joint, And strew this hungry churchyard with thy limbs: The time and my intents are savage-wild; More fierce and more inexorable far Than empty tigers or the roaring sea. Balthasar. I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you. Romeo. So shalt thou show me friendship. - Take thou that: Live, and be prosperous: and farewell, good fellow. Balthasar. For all this same, I'll hide me hereabout: His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt. [Retires.] Romeo. Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death, Gorg'd with the dearest morsel of the earth, Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open, [Breaking open the door of the monument.] And, in despite, I'll cram thee with more food! Paris. This is that banish'd haughty Montague That murder'd my love's cousin, - with which grief, It is supposed, the fair creature died, - And here is come to do some villanous shame To the dead bodies: I will apprehend him. - [Advances.] Stop thy unhallow'd toil, vile Montague! Can vengeance be pursu'd further than death? Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee; Obey, and go with me; for thou must die. Romeo. I must indeed; and therefore came I hither. - Good gentle youth, tempt not a desperate man; Fly hence and leave me: - think upon these gone; Let them affright thee. - I beseech thee, youth, Put not another sin upon my head By urging me to fury: O, be gone! By heaven, I love thee better than myself; For I come hither arm'd against myself: Stay not, be gone; - live, and hereafter say, A madman's mercy bid thee run away. Paris. I do defy thy conjurations, And apprehend thee for a felon here. Romeo. Wilt thou provoke me? then have at thee, boy! [They fight.] Page. O lord, they fight! I will go call the watch. [Exit.] Paris. O, I am slain! [Falls.] If thou be merciful, Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet. [Dies.] Romeo. In faith, I will. - Let me peruse this face: - Mercutio's kinsman, noble County Paris! - What said my man, when my betossed soul Did not attend him as we rode? I think He told me Paris should have married Juliet: Said he not so? or did I dream it so? Or am I mad, hearing him talk of Juliet, To think it was so? - O, give me thy hand, One writ with me in sour misfortune's book! I'll bury thee in a triumphant grave; - A grave? O, no, a lanthorn, slaught'red youth, For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes This vault a feasting presence full of light. Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr'd. [Laying Paris in the monument.] How oft when men are at the point of death Have they been merry! which their keepers call A lightning before death: O, how may I Call this a lightning? - O my love! my wife! Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty: Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, And death's pale flag is not advanced there. - Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet? O, what more favour can I do to thee Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain To sunder his that was thine enemy? Forgive me, cousin! - Ah, dear Juliet, Why art thou yet so fair? Shall I believe That unsubstantial death is amorous; And that the lean abhorred monster keeps Thee here in dark to be his paramour? For fear of that I still will stay with thee, And never from this palace of dim night Depart again: here, here will I remain With worms that are thy chambermaids: O, here Will I set up my everlasting rest; And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars From this world-wearied flesh. - Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss A dateless bargain to engrossing death! - Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark! Here's to my love! [Drinks.] - O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. - Thus with a kiss I die. [Dies.] [Enter, at the other end of the Churchyard, Friar Lawrence, with a lantern, crow, and spade.] Friar. Saint Francis be my speed! how oft to-night Have my old feet stumbled at graves! - Who's there? Who is it that consorts, so late, the dead? Balthasar. Here's one, a friend, and one that knows you well. Friar. Bliss be upon you! Tell me, good my friend, What torch is yond that vainly lends his light To grubs and eyeless skulls? as I discern, It burneth in the Capels' monument. Balthasar. It doth so, holy sir; and there's my master, One that you love. Friar. Who is it? Balthasar. Romeo. Friar. How long hath he been there? Balthasar. Full half an hour. Friar. Go with me to the vault. Balthasar. I dare not, sir; My master knows not but I am gone hence; And fearfully did menace me with death If I did stay to look on his intents. Friar. Stay then; I'll go alone: - fear comes upon me; O, much I fear some ill unlucky thing. Balthasar. As I did sleep under this yew tree here, I dreamt my master and another fought, And that my master slew him. Friar. Romeo! [Advances.] Alack, alack! what blood is this which stains The stony entrance of this sepulchre? - What mean these masterless and gory swords To lie discolour'd by this place of peace? [Enters the monument.] Romeo! O, pale! - Who else? what, Paris too? And steep'd in blood? - Ah, what an unkind hour Is guilty of this lamentable chance! - The lady stirs. [Juliet wakes and stirs.] Juliet. O comfortable friar! where is my lord? - I do remember well where I should be, And there I am: - where is my Romeo? [Noise within.] Friar. I hear some noise. - Lady, come from that nest Of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep: A greater power than we can contradict Hath thwarted our intents: - come, come away! Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead; And Paris too: - come, I'll dispose of thee Among a sisterhood of holy nuns: Stay not to question, for the watch is coming. Come, go, good Juliet [noise within], - I dare no longer stay. Juliet. Go, get thee hence, for I will not away. - [Exit Friar Lawrence.] What's here? a cup, clos'd in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end: - O churl! drink all, and left no friendly drop To help me after? - I will kiss thy lips; Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, To make me die with a restorative. [Kisses him.] Thy lips are warm! 1 Watch. [Within.] Lead, boy: - which way? Juliet. Yea, noise? - Then I'll be brief. - O happy dagger! [Snatching Romeo's dagger.] This is thy sheath [stabs herself]; there rest, and let me die. [Falls on Romeo's body and dies.] [Enter Watch, with the Page of Paris.] Page. This is the place; there, where the torch doth burn. 1 Watch. The ground is bloody; search about the churchyard: Go, some of you, whoe'er you find attach. [Exeunt some of the Watch.] Pitiful sight! here lies the county slain; - And Juliet bleeding; warm, and newly dead, Who here hath lain this two days buried. - Go, tell the prince; - run to the Capulets, - Raise up the Montagues, - some others search: - [Exeunt others of the Watch.] We see the ground whereon these woes do lie; But the true ground of all these piteous woes We cannot without circumstance descry. [Re-enter some of the Watch with Balthasar.] 2 Watch. Here's Romeo's man; we found him in the churchyard. 1 Watch. Hold him in safety till the prince come hither. [Re-enter others of the Watch with Friar Lawrence.] 3 Watch. Here is a friar, that trembles, sighs, and weeps: We took this mattock and this spade from him As he was coming from this churchyard side. 1 Watch. A great suspicion: stay the friar too. [Enter the Prince and Attendants.] Prince. What misadventure is so early up, That calls our person from our morning's rest? [Enter Capulet, Lady Capulet, and others.] Capulet. What should it be, that they so shriek abroad? Lady Capulet. The people in the street cry Romeo, Some Juliet, and some Paris; and all run, With open outcry, toward our monument. Prince. What fear is this which startles in our ears? 1 Watch. Sovereign, here lies the County Paris slain; And Romeo dead; and Juliet, dead before, Warm and new kill'd. Prince. Search, seek, and know how this foul murder comes. 1 Watch. Here is a friar, and slaughter'd Romeo's man, With instruments upon them fit to open These dead men's tombs. Capulet. O heaven! - O wife, look how our daughter bleeds! This dagger hath mista'en, - for, lo, his house Is empty on the back of Montague, - And it mis-sheathed in my daughter's bosom! Lady Capulet. O me! this sight of death is as a bell That warns my old age to a sepulchre. [Enter Montague and others.] Prince. Come, Montague; for thou art early up, To see thy son and heir more early down. Montague. Alas, my liege, my wife is dead to-night; Grief of my son's exile hath stopp'd her breath: What further woe conspires against mine age? Prince. Look, and thou shalt see. Montague. O thou untaught! what manners is in this, To press before thy father to a grave? Prince. Seal up the mouth of outrage for a while, Till we can clear these ambiguities, And know their spring, their head, their true descent; And then will I be general of your woes, And lead you even to death: meantime forbear, And let mischance be slave to patience. - Bring forth the parties of suspicion. Friar. I am the greatest, able to do least, Yet most suspected, as the time and place Doth make against me, of this direful murder; And here I stand, both to impeach and purge Myself condemned and myself excus'd. Prince. Then say at once what thou dost know in this. Friar. I will be brief, for my short date of breath Is not so long as is a tedious tale. Romeo, there dead, was husband to that Juliet; And she, there dead, that Romeo's faithful wife: I married them; and their stol'n marriage day Was Tybalt's doomsday, whose untimely death Banish'd the new-made bridegroom from this city; For whom, and not for Tybalt, Juliet pin'd. You, to remove that siege of grief from her, Betroth'd, and would have married her perforce, To County Paris: - then comes she to me, And with wild looks, bid me devise some means To rid her from this second marriage, Or in my cell there would she kill herself. Then gave I her, so tutored by my art, A sleeping potion; which so took effect As I intended, for it wrought on her The form of death: meantime I writ to Romeo That he should hither come as this dire night, To help to take her from her borrow'd grave, Being the time the potion's force should cease. But he which bore my letter, Friar John, Was stay'd by accident; and yesternight Return'd my letter back. Then all alone At the prefixed hour of her waking Came I to take her from her kindred's vault; Meaning to keep her closely at my cell Till I conveniently could send to Romeo: But when I came, - some minute ere the time Of her awaking, - here untimely lay The noble Paris and true Romeo dead. She wakes; and I entreated her come forth And bear this work of heaven with patience: But then a noise did scare me from the tomb; And she, too desperate, would not go with me, But, as it seems, did violence on herself. All this I know; and to the marriage Her nurse is privy: and if ought in this Miscarried by my fault, let my old life Be sacrific'd, some hour before his time, Unto the rigour of severest law. Prince. We still have known thee for a holy man. - Where's Romeo's man? what can he say in this? Balthasar. I brought my master news of Juliet's death; And then in post he came from Mantua To this same place, to this same monument. This letter he early bid me give his father; And threaten'd me with death, going in the vault, If I departed not, and left him there. Prince. Give me the letter, - I will look on it. - Where is the county's page that rais'd the watch? - Sirrah, what made your master in this place? Boy. He came with flowers to strew his lady's grave; And bid me stand aloof, and so I did: Anon comes one with light to ope the tomb; And by-and-by my master drew on him; And then I ran away to call the watch. Prince. This letter doth make good the friar's words, Their course of love, the tidings of her death: And here he writes that he did buy a poison Of a poor 'pothecary, and therewithal Came to this vault to die, and lie with Juliet. - Where be these enemies? - Capulet, - Montague, - See what a scourge is laid upon your hate, That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love! And I, for winking at your discords too, Have lost a brace of kinsmen: - all are punish'd. Capulet. O brother Montague, give me thy hand: This is my daughter's jointure, for no more Can I demand. Montague. But I can give thee more: For I will raise her statue in pure gold; That while Verona by that name is known, There shall no figure at such rate be set As that of true and faithful Juliet. Capulet. As rich shall Romeo's by his lady's lie; Poor sacrifices of our enmity! Prince. A glooming peace this morning with it brings; The sun for sorrow will not show his head. Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things; Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished; For never was a story of more woe Than this of Juliet and her Romeo. [Exeunt.] Text: Cover by Ford Maddox Brown, 1870. All rights reserved. Publication Date: April 20th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

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William Shakespeare Hamlet Prince of Denmark PERSONS REPRESENTED. Claudius, King of Denmark. Hamlet, Son to the former, and Nephew to the present King. Polonius, Lord Chamberlain. Horatio, Friend to Hamlet. Laertes, Son to Polonius. Voltimand, Courtier. Cornelius, Courtier. Rosencrantz, Courtier. Guildenstern, Courtier. Osric, Courtier. A Gentleman, Courtier. A Priest. Marcellus, Officer. Bernardo, Officer. Francisco, a Soldier Reynaldo, Servant to Polonius. Players. Two Clowns, Grave-diggers. Fortinbras, Prince of Norway. A Captain. English Ambassadors. Ghost of Hamlet's Father. Gertrude, Queen of Denmark, and Mother of Hamlet. Ophelia, Daughter to Polonius. Lords, Ladies, Officers, Soldiers, Sailors, Messengers, and other Attendants. SCENE. Elsinore. ACT I. Scene I. Elsinore. A platform before the Castle. [Francisco at his post. Enter to him Bernardo.] Ber. Who's there? Fran. Nay, answer me: stand, and unfold yourself. Ber. Long live the king! Fran. Bernardo? Ber. He. Fran. You come most carefully upon your hour. Ber. 'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to bed, Francisco. Fran. For this relief much thanks: 'tis bitter cold, And I am sick at heart. Ber. Have you had quiet guard? Fran. Not a mouse stirring. Ber. Well, good night. If you do meet Horatio and Marcellus, The rivals of my watch, bid them make haste. Fran. I think I hear them.--Stand, ho! Who is there? [Enter Horatio and Marcellus.] Hor. Friends to this ground. Mar. And liegemen to the Dane. Fran. Give you good-night. Mar. O, farewell, honest soldier; Who hath reliev'd you? Fran. Bernardo has my place. Give you good-night. [Exit.] Mar. Holla! Bernardo! Ber. Say. What, is Horatio there? Hor. A piece of him. Ber. Welcome, Horatio:--Welcome, good Marcellus. Mar. What, has this thing appear'd again to-night? Ber. I have seen nothing. Mar. Horatio says 'tis but our fantasy, And will not let belief take hold of him Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us: Therefore I have entreated him along With us to watch the minutes of this night; That, if again this apparition come He may approve our eyes and speak to it. Hor. Tush, tush, 'twill not appear. Ber. Sit down awhile, And let us once again assail your ears, That are so fortified against our story, What we two nights have seen. Hor. Well, sit we down, And let us hear Bernardo speak of this. Ber. Last night of all, When yond same star that's westward from the pole Had made his course to illume that part of heaven Where now it burns, Marcellus and myself, The bell then beating one,-- Mar. Peace, break thee off; look where it comes again! [Enter Ghost, armed.] Ber. In the same figure, like the king that's dead. Mar. Thou art a scholar; speak to it, Horatio. Ber. Looks it not like the King? mark it, Horatio. Hor. Most like:--it harrows me with fear and wonder. Ber. It would be spoke to. Mar. Question it, Horatio. Hor. What art thou, that usurp'st this time of night, Together with that fair and warlike form In which the majesty of buried Denmark Did sometimes march? By heaven I charge thee, speak! Mar. It is offended. Ber. See, it stalks away! Hor. Stay! speak, speak! I charge thee speak! [Exit Ghost.] Mar. 'Tis gone, and will not answer. Ber. How now, Horatio! You tremble and look pale: Is not this something more than fantasy? What think you on't? Hor. Before my God, I might not this believe Without the sensible and true avouch Of mine own eyes. Mar. Is it not like the King? Hor. As thou art to thyself: Such was the very armour he had on When he the ambitious Norway combated; So frown'd he once when, in an angry parle, He smote the sledded Polacks on the ice. 'Tis strange. Mar. Thus twice before, and jump at this dead hour, With martial stalk hath he gone by our watch. Hor. In what particular thought to work I know not; But, in the gross and scope of my opinion, This bodes some strange eruption to our state. Mar. Good now, sit down, and tell me, he that knows, Why this same strict and most observant watch So nightly toils the subject of the land; And why such daily cast of brazen cannon, And foreign mart for implements of war; Why such impress of shipwrights, whose sore task Does not divide the Sunday from the week; What might be toward, that this sweaty haste Doth make the night joint-labourer with the day: Who is't that can inform me? Hor. That can I; At least, the whisper goes so. Our last king, Whose image even but now appear'd to us, Was, as you know, by Fortinbras of Norway, Thereto prick'd on by a most emulate pride, Dar'd to the combat; in which our valiant Hamlet,-- For so this side of our known world esteem'd him,-- Did slay this Fortinbras; who, by a seal'd compact, Well ratified by law and heraldry, Did forfeit, with his life, all those his lands, Which he stood seiz'd of, to the conqueror: Against the which, a moiety competent Was gaged by our king; which had return'd To the inheritance of Fortinbras, Had he been vanquisher; as by the same cov'nant, And carriage of the article design'd, His fell to Hamlet. Now, sir, young Fortinbras, Of unimproved mettle hot and full, Hath in the skirts of Norway, here and there, Shark'd up a list of lawless resolutes, For food and diet, to some enterprise That hath a stomach in't; which is no other,-- As it doth well appear unto our state,-- But to recover of us, by strong hand, And terms compulsatory, those foresaid lands So by his father lost: and this, I take it, Is the main motive of our preparations, The source of this our watch, and the chief head Of this post-haste and romage in the land. Ber. I think it be no other but e'en so: Well may it sort, that this portentous figure Comes armed through our watch; so like the king That was and is the question of these wars. Hor. A mote it is to trouble the mind's eye. In the most high and palmy state of Rome, A little ere the mightiest Julius fell, The graves stood tenantless, and the sheeted dead Did squeak and gibber in the Roman streets; As, stars with trains of fire and dews of blood, Disasters in the sun; and the moist star, Upon whose influence Neptune's empire stands, Was sick almost to doomsday with eclipse: And even the like precurse of fierce events,-- As harbingers preceding still the fates, And prologue to the omen coming on,-- Have heaven and earth together demonstrated Unto our climature and countrymen.-- But, soft, behold! lo, where it comes again! [Re-enter Ghost.] I'll cross it, though it blast me.--Stay, illusion! If thou hast any sound, or use of voice, Speak to me: If there be any good thing to be done, That may to thee do ease, and, race to me, Speak to me: If thou art privy to thy country's fate, Which, happily, foreknowing may avoid, O, speak! Or if thou hast uphoarded in thy life Extorted treasure in the womb of earth, For which, they say, you spirits oft walk in death, [The cock crows.] Speak of it:--stay, and speak!--Stop it, Marcellus! Mar. Shall I strike at it with my partisan? Hor. Do, if it will not stand. Ber. 'Tis here! Hor. 'Tis here! Mar. 'Tis gone! [Exit Ghost.] We do it wrong, being so majestical, To offer it the show of violence; For it is, as the air, invulnerable, And our vain blows malicious mockery. Ber. It was about to speak, when the cock crew. Hor. And then it started, like a guilty thing Upon a fearful summons. I have heard The cock, that is the trumpet to the morn, Doth with his lofty and shrill-sounding throat Awake the god of day; and at his warning, Whether in sea or fire, in earth or air, The extravagant and erring spirit hies To his confine: and of the truth herein This present object made probation. Mar. It faded on the crowing of the cock. Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated, The bird of dawning singeth all night long; And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad; The nights are wholesome; then no planets strike, No fairy takes, nor witch hath power to charm; So hallow'd and so gracious is the time. Hor. So have I heard, and do in part believe it. But, look, the morn, in russet mantle clad, Walks o'er the dew of yon high eastward hill: Break we our watch up: and by my advice, Let us impart what we have seen to-night Unto young Hamlet; for, upon my life, This spirit, dumb to us, will speak to him: Do you consent we shall acquaint him with it, As needful in our loves, fitting our duty? Mar. Let's do't, I pray; and I this morning know Where we shall find him most conveniently. [Exeunt.] Scene II. Elsinore. A room of state in the Castle. [Enter the King, Queen, Hamlet, Polonius, Laertes, Voltimand, Cornelius, Lords, and Attendant.] King. Though yet of Hamlet our dear brother's death The memory be green, and that it us befitted To bear our hearts in grief, and our whole kingdom To be contracted in one brow of woe; Yet so far hath discretion fought with nature That we with wisest sorrow think on him, Together with remembrance of ourselves. Therefore our sometime sister, now our queen, Th' imperial jointress to this warlike state, Have we, as 'twere with a defeated joy,-- With an auspicious and one dropping eye, With mirth in funeral, and with dirge in marriage, In equal scale weighing delight and dole,-- Taken to wife; nor have we herein barr'd Your better wisdoms, which have freely gone With this affair along:--or all, our thanks. Now follows, that you know, young Fortinbras, Holding a weak supposal of our worth, Or thinking by our late dear brother's death Our state to be disjoint and out of frame, Colleagued with this dream of his advantage, He hath not fail'd to pester us with message, Importing the surrender of those lands Lost by his father, with all bonds of law, To our most valiant brother. So much for him,-- Now for ourself and for this time of meeting: Thus much the business is:--we have here writ To Norway, uncle of young Fortinbras,-- Who, impotent and bed-rid, scarcely hears Of this his nephew's purpose,--to suppress His further gait herein; in that the levies, The lists, and full proportions are all made Out of his subject:--and we here dispatch You, good Cornelius, and you, Voltimand, For bearers of this greeting to old Norway; Giving to you no further personal power To business with the king, more than the scope Of these dilated articles allow. Farewell; and let your haste commend your duty. Cor. and Volt. In that and all things will we show our duty. King. We doubt it nothing: heartily farewell. [Exeunt Voltimand and Cornelius.] And now, Laertes, what's the news with you? You told us of some suit; what is't, Laertes? You cannot speak of reason to the Dane, And lose your voice: what wouldst thou beg, Laertes, That shall not be my offer, not thy asking? The head is not more native to the heart, The hand more instrumental to the mouth, Than is the throne of Denmark to thy father. What wouldst thou have, Laertes? Laer. Dread my lord, Your leave and favour to return to France; From whence though willingly I came to Denmark, To show my duty in your coronation; Yet now, I must confess, that duty done, My thoughts and wishes bend again toward France, And bow them to your gracious leave and pardon. King. Have you your father's leave? What says Polonius? Pol. He hath, my lord, wrung from me my slow leave By laboursome petition; and at last Upon his will I seal'd my hard consent: I do beseech you, give him leave to go. King. Take thy fair hour, Laertes; time be thine, And thy best graces spend it at thy will!-- But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son-- Ham. [Aside.] A little more than kin, and less than kind! King. How is it that the clouds still hang on you? Ham. Not so, my lord; I am too much i' the sun. Queen. Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted colour off, And let thine eye look like a friend on Denmark. Do not for ever with thy vailed lids Seek for thy noble father in the dust: Thou know'st 'tis common,--all that lives must die, Passing through nature to eternity. Ham. Ay, madam, it is common. Queen. If it be, Why seems it so particular with thee? Ham. Seems, madam! Nay, it is; I know not seems. 'Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother, Nor customary suits of solemn black, Nor windy suspiration of forc'd breath, No, nor the fruitful river in the eye, Nor the dejected 'havior of the visage, Together with all forms, moods, shows of grief, That can denote me truly: these, indeed, seem; For they are actions that a man might play; But I have that within which passeth show; These but the trappings and the suits of woe. King. 'Tis sweet and commendable in your nature, Hamlet, To give these mourning duties to your father; But, you must know, your father lost a father; That father lost, lost his; and the survivor bound, In filial obligation, for some term To do obsequious sorrow: but to persevere In obstinate condolement is a course Of impious stubbornness; 'tis unmanly grief; It shows a will most incorrect to heaven; A heart unfortified, a mind impatient; An understanding simple and unschool'd; For what we know must be, and is as common As any the most vulgar thing to sense, Why should we, in our peevish opposition, Take it to heart? Fie! 'tis a fault to heaven, A fault against the dead, a fault to nature, To reason most absurd; whose common theme Is death of fathers, and who still hath cried, From the first corse till he that died to-day, 'This must be so.' We pray you, throw to earth This unprevailing woe; and think of us As of a father: for let the world take note You are the most immediate to our throne; And with no less nobility of love Than that which dearest father bears his son Do I impart toward you. For your intent In going back to school in Wittenberg, It is most retrograde to our desire: And we beseech you bend you to remain Here in the cheer and comfort of our eye, Our chiefest courtier, cousin, and our son. Queen. Let not thy mother lose her prayers, Hamlet: I pray thee stay with us; go not to Wittenberg. Ham. I shall in all my best obey you, madam. King. Why, 'tis a loving and a fair reply: Be as ourself in Denmark.--Madam, come; This gentle and unforc'd accord of Hamlet Sits smiling to my heart: in grace whereof, No jocund health that Denmark drinks to-day But the great cannon to the clouds shall tell; And the king's rouse the heaven shall bruit again, Re-speaking earthly thunder. Come away. [Exeunt all but Hamlet.] Ham. O that this too too solid flesh would melt, Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew! Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! O God! How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable Seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on't! O fie! 'tis an unweeded garden, That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature Possess it merely. That it should come to this! But two months dead!--nay, not so much, not two: So excellent a king; that was, to this, Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother, That he might not beteem the winds of heaven Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth! Must I remember? Why, she would hang on him As if increase of appetite had grown By what it fed on: and yet, within a month,-- Let me not think on't,--Frailty, thy name is woman!-- A little month; or ere those shoes were old With which she followed my poor father's body Like Niobe, all tears;--why she, even she,-- O God! a beast that wants discourse of reason, Would have mourn'd longer,--married with mine uncle, My father's brother; but no more like my father Than I to Hercules: within a month; Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears Had left the flushing in her galled eyes, She married:-- O, most wicked speed, to post With such dexterity to incestuous sheets! It is not, nor it cannot come to good; But break my heart,--for I must hold my tongue! [Enter Horatio, Marcellus, and Bernardo.] Hor. Hail to your lordship! Ham. I am glad to see you well: Horatio,--or I do forget myself. Hor. The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever. Ham. Sir, my good friend; I'll change that name with you: And what make you from Wittenberg, Horatio?-- Marcellus? Mar. My good lord,-- Ham. I am very glad to see you.--Good even, sir.-- But what, in faith, make you from Wittenberg? Hor. A truant disposition, good my lord. Ham. I would not hear your enemy say so; Nor shall you do my ear that violence, To make it truster of your own report Against yourself: I know you are no truant. But what is your affair in Elsinore? We'll teach you to drink deep ere you depart. Hor. My lord, I came to see your father's funeral. Ham. I prithee do not mock me, fellow-student. I think it was to see my mother's wedding. Hor. Indeed, my lord, it follow'd hard upon. Ham. Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak'd meats Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables. Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven Or ever I had seen that day, Horatio!-- My father,--methinks I see my father. Hor. Where, my lord? Ham. In my mind's eye, Horatio. Hor. I saw him once; he was a goodly king. Ham. He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again. Hor. My lord, I think I saw him yesternight. Ham. Saw who? Hor. My lord, the king your father. Ham. The King my father! Hor. Season your admiration for awhile With an attent ear, till I may deliver, Upon the witness of these gentlemen, This marvel to you. Ham. For God's love let me hear. Hor. Two nights together had these gentlemen, Marcellus and Bernardo, on their watch In the dead vast and middle of the night, Been thus encounter'd. A figure like your father, Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe, Appears before them and with solemn march Goes slow and stately by them: thrice he walk'd By their oppress'd and fear-surprised eyes, Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, distill'd Almost to jelly with the act of fear, Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me In dreadful secrecy impart they did; And I with them the third night kept the watch: Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time, Form of the thing, each word made true and good, The apparition comes: I knew your father; These hands are not more like. Ham. But where was this? Mar. My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd. Ham. Did you not speak to it? Hor. My lord, I did; But answer made it none: yet once methought It lifted up it head, and did address Itself to motion, like as it would speak: But even then the morning cock crew loud, And at the sound it shrunk in haste away, And vanish'd from our sight. Ham. 'Tis very strange. Hor. As I do live, my honour'd lord, 'tis true; And we did think it writ down in our duty To let you know of it. Ham. Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me. Hold you the watch to-night? Mar. and Ber. We do, my lord. Ham. Arm'd, say you? Both. Arm'd, my lord. Ham. From top to toe? Both. My lord, from head to foot. Ham. Then saw you not his face? Hor. O, yes, my lord: he wore his beaver up. Ham. What, look'd he frowningly? Hor. A countenance more in sorrow than in anger. Ham. Pale or red? Hor. Nay, very pale. Ham. And fix'd his eyes upon you? Hor. Most constantly. Ham. I would I had been there. Hor. It would have much amaz'd you. Ham. Very like, very like. Stay'd it long? Hor. While one with moderate haste might tell a hundred. Mar. and Ber. Longer, longer. Hor. Not when I saw't. Ham. His beard was grizzled,--no? Hor. It was, as I have seen it in his life, A sable silver'd. Ham. I will watch to-night; Perchance 'twill walk again. Hor. I warr'nt it will. Ham. If it assume my noble father's person, I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape And bid me hold my peace. I pray you all, If you have hitherto conceal'd this sight, Let it be tenable in your silence still; And whatsoever else shall hap to-night, Give it an understanding, but no tongue: I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well: Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve, I'll visit you. All. Our duty to your honour. Ham. Your loves, as mine to you: farewell. [Exeunt Horatio, Marcellus, and Bernardo.] My father's spirit in arms! All is not well; I doubt some foul play: would the night were come! Till then sit still, my soul: foul deeds will rise, Though all the earth o'erwhelm them, to men's eyes. [Exit.] Scene III. A room in Polonius's house. [Enter Laertes and Ophelia.] Laer. My necessaries are embark'd: farewell: And, sister, as the winds give benefit And convoy is assistant, do not sleep, But let me hear from you. Oph. Do you doubt that? Laer. For Hamlet, and the trifling of his favour, Hold it a fashion, and a toy in blood: A violet in the youth of primy nature, Forward, not permanent, sweet, not lasting; The perfume and suppliance of a minute; No more. Oph. No more but so? Laer. Think it no more: For nature, crescent, does not grow alone In thews and bulk; but as this temple waxes, The inward service of the mind and soul Grows wide withal. Perhaps he loves you now; And now no soil nor cautel doth besmirch The virtue of his will: but you must fear, His greatness weigh'd, his will is not his own; For he himself is subject to his birth: He may not, as unvalu'd persons do, Carve for himself; for on his choice depends The safety and health of this whole state; And therefore must his choice be circumscrib'd Unto the voice and yielding of that body Whereof he is the head. Then if he says he loves you, It fits your wisdom so far to believe it As he in his particular act and place May give his saying deed; which is no further Than the main voice of Denmark goes withal. Then weigh what loss your honour may sustain If with too credent ear you list his songs, Or lose your heart, or your chaste treasure open To his unmaster'd importunity. Fear it, Ophelia, fear it, my dear sister; And keep you in the rear of your affection, Out of the shot and danger of desire. The chariest maid is prodigal enough If she unmask her beauty to the moon: Virtue itself scopes not calumnious strokes: The canker galls the infants of the spring Too oft before their buttons be disclos'd: And in the morn and liquid dew of youth Contagious blastments are most imminent. Be wary then; best safety lies in fear: Youth to itself rebels, though none else near. Oph. I shall th' effect of this good lesson keep As watchman to my heart. But, good my brother, Do not, as some ungracious pastors do, Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven; Whilst, like a puff'd and reckless libertine, Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads And recks not his own read. Laer. O, fear me not. I stay too long:--but here my father comes. [Enter Polonius.] A double blessing is a double grace; Occasion smiles upon a second leave. Pol. Yet here, Laertes! aboard, aboard, for shame! The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail, And you are stay'd for. There,--my blessing with thee! [Laying his hand on Laertes's head.] And these few precepts in thy memory Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion'd thought his act. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel; But do not dull thy palm with entertainment Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade. Beware Of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in, Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee. Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice: Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment. Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy: For the apparel oft proclaims the man; And they in France of the best rank and station Are most select and generous chief in that. Neither a borrower nor a lender be: For loan oft loses both itself and friend; And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all,--to thine own self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell: my blessing season this in thee! Laer. Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord. Pol. The time invites you; go, your servants tend. Laer. Farewell, Ophelia; and remember well What I have said to you. Oph. 'Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it. Laer. Farewell. [Exit.] Pol. What is't, Ophelia, he hath said to you? Oph. So please you, something touching the Lord Hamlet. Pol. Marry, well bethought: 'Tis told me he hath very oft of late Given private time to you; and you yourself Have of your audience been most free and bounteous; If it be so,--as so 'tis put on me, And that in way of caution,--I must tell you You do not understand yourself so clearly As it behooves my daughter and your honour. What is between you? give me up the truth. Oph. He hath, my lord, of late made many tenders Of his affection to me. Pol. Affection! pooh! you speak like a green girl, Unsifted in such perilous circumstance. Do you believe his tenders, as you call them? Oph. I do not know, my lord, what I should think. Pol. Marry, I'll teach you: think yourself a baby; That you have ta'en these tenders for true pay, Which are not sterling. Tender yourself more dearly; Or,--not to crack the wind of the poor phrase, Wronging it thus,--you'll tender me a fool. Oph. My lord, he hath importun'd me with love In honourable fashion. Pol. Ay, fashion you may call it; go to, go to. Oph. And hath given countenance to his speech, my lord, With almost all the holy vows of heaven. Pol. Ay, springes to catch woodcocks. I do know, When the blood burns, how prodigal the soul Lends the tongue vows: these blazes, daughter, Giving more light than heat,--extinct in both, Even in their promise, as it is a-making,-- You must not take for fire. From this time Be something scanter of your maiden presence; Set your entreatments at a higher rate Than a command to parley. For Lord Hamlet, Believe so much in him, that he is young; And with a larger tether may he walk Than may be given you: in few, Ophelia, Do not believe his vows; for they are brokers,-- Not of that dye which their investments show, But mere implorators of unholy suits, Breathing like sanctified and pious bawds, The better to beguile. This is for all,-- I would not, in plain terms, from this time forth Have you so slander any moment leisure As to give words or talk with the Lord Hamlet. Look to't, I charge you; come your ways. Oph. I shall obey, my lord. [Exeunt.] Scene IV. The platform. [Enter Hamlet, Horatio, and Marcellus.] Ham. The air bites shrewdly; it is very cold. Hor. It is a nipping and an eager air. Ham. What hour now? Hor. I think it lacks of twelve. Mar. No, it is struck. Hor. Indeed? I heard it not: then draws near the season Wherein the spirit held his wont to walk. [A flourish of trumpets, and ordnance shot off within.] What does this mean, my lord? Ham. The King doth wake to-night and takes his rouse, Keeps wassail, and the swaggering up-spring reels; And, as he drains his draughts of Rhenish down, The kettle-drum and trumpet thus bray out The triumph of his pledge. Hor. Is it a custom? Ham. Ay, marry, is't; But to my mind,--though I am native here, And to the manner born,--it is a custom More honour'd in the breach than the observance. This heavy-headed revel east and west Makes us traduc'd and tax'd of other nations: They clepe us drunkards, and with swinish phrase Soil our addition; and, indeed, it takes From our achievements, though perform'd at height, The pith and marrow of our attribute. So oft it chances in particular men That, for some vicious mole of nature in them, As in their birth,--wherein they are not guilty, Since nature cannot choose his origin,-- By the o'ergrowth of some complexion, Oft breaking down the pales and forts of reason; Or by some habit, that too much o'er-leavens The form of plausive manners;--that these men,-- Carrying, I say, the stamp of one defect, Being nature's livery, or fortune's star,-- Their virtues else,--be they as pure as grace, As infinite as man may undergo,-- Shall in the general censure take corruption From that particular fault: the dram of eale Doth all the noble substance often doubt To his own scandal. Hor. Look, my lord, it comes! [Enter Ghost.] Ham. Angels and ministers of grace defend us!-- Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn'd, Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell, Be thy intents wicked or charitable, Thou com'st in such a questionable shape That I will speak to thee: I'll call thee Hamlet, King, father, royal Dane; O, answer me! Let me not burst in ignorance; but tell Why thy canoniz'd bones, hearsed in death, Have burst their cerements; why the sepulchre, Wherein we saw thee quietly in-urn'd, Hath op'd his ponderous and marble jaws To cast thee up again! What may this mean, That thou, dead corse, again in complete steel, Revisit'st thus the glimpses of the moon, Making night hideous, and we fools of nature So horridly to shake our disposition With thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls? Say, why is this? wherefore? what should we do? [Ghost beckons Hamlet.] Hor. It beckons you to go away with it, As if it some impartment did desire To you alone. Mar. Look with what courteous action It waves you to a more removed ground: But do not go with it! Hor. No, by no means. Ham. It will not speak; then will I follow it. Hor. Do not, my lord. Ham. Why, what should be the fear? I do not set my life at a pin's fee; And for my soul, what can it do to that, Being a thing immortal as itself? It waves me forth again;--I'll follow it. Hor. What if it tempt you toward the flood, my lord, Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff That beetles o'er his base into the sea, And there assume some other horrible form Which might deprive your sovereignty of reason, And draw you into madness? think of it: The very place puts toys of desperation, Without more motive, into every brain That looks so many fadoms to the sea And hears it roar beneath. Ham. It waves me still.-- Go on; I'll follow thee. Mar. You shall not go, my lord. Ham. Hold off your hands. Hor. Be rul'd; you shall not go. Ham. My fate cries out, And makes each petty artery in this body As hardy as the Nemean lion's nerve.-- [Ghost beckons.] Still am I call'd;--unhand me, gentlemen;-- [Breaking free from them.] By heaven, I'll make a ghost of him that lets me!-- I say, away!--Go on; I'll follow thee. [Exeunt Ghost and Hamlet.] Hor. He waxes desperate with imagination. Mar. Let's follow; 'tis not fit thus to obey him. Hor. Have after.--To what issue will this come? Mar. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Hor. Heaven will direct it. Mar. Nay, let's follow him. [Exeunt.] Scene V. A more remote part of the Castle. [Enter Ghost and Hamlet.] Ham. Whither wilt thou lead me? speak! I'll go no further. Ghost. Mark me. Ham. I will. Ghost. My hour is almost come, When I to sulph'uous and tormenting flames Must render up myself. Ham. Alas, poor ghost! Ghost. Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing To what I shall unfold. Ham. Speak;I am bound to hear. Ghost. So art thou to revenge, when thou shalt hear. Ham. What? Ghost. I am thy father's spirit; Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night, And for the day confin'd to wastein fires, Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature Are burnt and purg'd away. But that I am forbid To tell the secrets of my prison-house, I could a tale unfold whose lightest word Would harrow up thy soul; freeze thy young blood; Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres; Thy knotted and combined locks to part, And each particular hair to stand on end Like quills upon the fretful porcupine: But this eternal blazon must not be To ears of flesh and blood.--List, list, O, list!-- If thou didst ever thy dear father love-- Ham. O God! Ghost. Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder. Ham. Murder! Ghost. Murder most foul, as in the best it is; But this most foul, strange, and unnatural. Ham. Haste me to know't, that I, with wings as swift As meditation or the thoughts of love, May sweep to my revenge. Ghost. I find thee apt; And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed That rots itself in ease on Lethe wharf, Wouldst thou not stir in this. Now, Hamlet, hear. 'Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard, A serpent stung me; so the whole ear of Denmark Is by a forged process of my death Rankly abus'd; but know, thou noble youth, The serpent that did sting thy father's life Now wears his crown. Ham. O my prophetic soul! Mine uncle! Ghost. Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, With witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts,-- O wicked wit and gifts, that have the power So to seduce!--won to his shameful lust The will of my most seeming-virtuous queen: O Hamlet, what a falling-off was there! From me, whose love was of that dignity That it went hand in hand even with the vow I made to her in marriage; and to decline Upon a wretch whose natural gifts were poor To those of mine! But virtue, as it never will be mov'd, Though lewdness court it in a shape of heaven; So lust, though to a radiant angel link'd, Will sate itself in a celestial bed And prey on garbage. But soft! methinks I scent the morning air; Brief let me be.--Sleeping within my orchard, My custom always of the afternoon, Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole, With juice of cursed hebenon in a vial, And in the porches of my ears did pour The leperous distilment; whose effect Holds such an enmity with blood of man That, swift as quicksilver, it courses through The natural gates and alleys of the body; And with a sudden vigour it doth posset And curd, like eager droppings into milk, The thin and wholesome blood; so did it mine; And a most instant tetter bark'd about, Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust All my smooth body. Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand, Of life, of crown, of queen, at once dispatch'd: Cut off even in the blossoms of my sin, Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd; No reckoning made, but sent to my account With all my imperfections on my head: O, horrible! O, horrible! most horrible! If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not; Let not the royal bed of Denmark be A couch for luxury and damned incest. But, howsoever thou pursu'st this act, Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive Against thy mother aught: leave her to heaven, And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge, To prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once! The glowworm shows the matin to be near, And 'gins to pale his uneffectual fire: Adieu, adieu! Hamlet, remember me. [Exit.] Ham. O all you host of heaven! O earth! what else? And shall I couple hell? O, fie!--Hold, my heart; And you, my sinews, grow not instant old, But bear me stiffly up.--Remember thee! Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat In this distracted globe. Remember thee! Yea, from the table of my memory I'll wipe away all trivial fond records, All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past, That youth and observation copied there; And thy commandment all alone shall live Within the book and volume of my brain, Unmix'd with baser matter: yes, by heaven!-- O most pernicious woman! O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain! My tables,--meet it is I set it down, That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain; At least, I am sure, it may be so in Denmark: [Writing.] So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word; It is 'Adieu, adieu! remember me:' I have sworn't. Hor. [Within.] My lord, my lord,-- Mar. [Within.] Lord Hamlet,-- Hor. [Within.] Heaven secure him! Ham. So be it! Mar. [Within.] Illo, ho, ho, my lord! Ham. Hillo, ho, ho, boy! Come, bird, come. [Enter Horatio and Marcellus.] Mar. How is't, my noble lord? Hor. What news, my lord? Ham. O, wonderful! Hor. Good my lord, tell it. Ham. No; you'll reveal it. Hor. Not I, my lord, by heaven. Mar. Nor I, my lord. Ham. How say you then; would heart of man once think it?-- But you'll be secret? Hor. and Mar. Ay, by heaven, my lord. Ham. There's ne'er a villain dwelling in all Denmark But he's an arrant knave. Hor. There needs no ghost, my lord, come from the grave To tell us this. Ham. Why, right; you are i' the right; And so, without more circumstance at all, I hold it fit that we shake hands and part: You, as your business and desires shall point you,-- For every man hath business and desire, Such as it is;--and for my own poor part, Look you, I'll go pray. Hor. These are but wild and whirling words, my lord. Ham. I'm sorry they offend you, heartily; Yes, faith, heartily. Hor. There's no offence, my lord. Ham. Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio, And much offence too. Touching this vision here,-- It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you: For your desire to know what is between us, O'ermaster't as you may. And now, good friends, As you are friends, scholars, and soldiers, Give me one poor request. Hor. What is't, my lord? we will. Ham. Never make known what you have seen to-night. Hor. and Mar. My lord, we will not. Ham. Nay, but swear't. Hor. In faith, My lord, not I. Mar. Nor I, my lord, in faith. Ham. Upon my sword. Mar. We have sworn, my lord, already. Ham. Indeed, upon my sword, indeed. Ghost. [Beneath.] Swear. Ham. Ha, ha boy! say'st thou so? art thou there, truepenny?-- Come on!--you hear this fellow in the cellarage,-- Consent to swear. Hor. Propose the oath, my lord. Ham. Never to speak of this that you have seen, Swear by my sword. Ghost. [Beneath.] Swear. Ham. Hic et ubique? then we'll shift our ground.-- Come hither, gentlemen, And lay your hands again upon my sword: Never to speak of this that you have heard, Swear by my sword. Ghost. [Beneath.] Swear. Ham. Well said, old mole! canst work i' the earth so fast? A worthy pioner!--Once more remove, good friends. Hor. O day and night, but this is wondrous strange! Ham. And therefore as a stranger give it welcome. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. But come;-- Here, as before, never, so help you mercy, How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself,-- As I, perchance, hereafter shall think meet To put an antic disposition on,-- That you, at such times seeing me, never shall, With arms encumber'd thus, or this head-shake, Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase, As 'Well, well, we know'; or 'We could, an if we would';-- Or 'If we list to speak'; or 'There be, an if they might';-- Or such ambiguous giving out, to note That you know aught of me:--this is not to do, So grace and mercy at your most need help you, Swear. Ghost. [Beneath.] Swear. Ham. Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!--So, gentlemen, With all my love I do commend me to you: And what so poor a man as Hamlet is May do, to express his love and friending to you, God willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together; And still your fingers on your lips, I pray. The time is out of joint:--O cursed spite, That ever I was born to set it right!-- Nay, come, let's go together. [Exeunt.] Act II. Scene I. A room in Polonius's house. [Enter Polonius and Reynaldo.] Pol. Give him this money and these notes, Reynaldo. Rey. I will, my lord. Pol. You shall do marvellous wisely, good Reynaldo, Before You visit him, to make inquiry Of his behaviour. Rey. My lord, I did intend it. Pol. Marry, well said; very well said. Look you, sir, Enquire me first what Danskers are in Paris; And how, and who, what means, and where they keep, What company, at what expense; and finding, By this encompassment and drift of question, That they do know my son, come you more nearer Than your particular demands will touch it: Take you, as 'twere, some distant knowledge of him; As thus, 'I know his father and his friends, And in part hi;m;--do you mark this, Reynaldo? Rey. Ay, very well, my lord. Pol. 'And in part him;--but,' you may say, 'not well: But if't be he I mean, he's very wild; Addicted so and so;' and there put on him What forgeries you please; marry, none so rank As may dishonour him; take heed of that; But, sir, such wanton, wild, and usual slips As are companions noted and most known To youth and liberty. Rey. As gaming, my lord. Pol. Ay, or drinking, fencing, swearing, quarrelling, Drabbing:--you may go so far. Rey. My lord, that would dishonour him. Pol. Faith, no; as you may season it in the charge. You must not put another scandal on him, That he is open to incontinency; That's not my meaning: but breathe his faults so quaintly That they may seem the taints of liberty; The flash and outbreak of a fiery mind; A savageness in unreclaimed blood, Of general assault. Rey. But, my good lord,-- Pol. Wherefore should you do this? Rey. Ay, my lord, I would know that. Pol. Marry, sir, here's my drift; And I believe it is a fetch of warrant: You laying these slight sullies on my son As 'twere a thing a little soil'd i' the working, Mark you, Your party in converse, him you would sound, Having ever seen in the prenominate crimes The youth you breathe of guilty, be assur'd He closes with you in this consequence; 'Good sir,' or so; or 'friend,' or 'gentleman'-- According to the phrase or the addition Of man and country. Rey. Very good, my lord. Pol. And then, sir, does he this,--he does--What was I about to say?-- By the mass, I was about to say something:--Where did I leave? Rey. At 'closes in the consequence,' at 'friend or so,' and gentleman.' Pol. At--closes in the consequence'--ay, marry! He closes with you thus:--'I know the gentleman; I saw him yesterday, or t'other day, Or then, or then; with such, or such; and, as you say, There was he gaming; there o'ertook in's rouse; There falling out at tennis': or perchance, 'I saw him enter such a house of sale,'-- Videlicet, a brothel,--or so forth.-- See you now; Your bait of falsehood takes this carp of truth: And thus do we of wisdom and of reach, With windlaces, and with assays of bias, By indirections find directions out: So, by my former lecture and advice, Shall you my son. You have me, have you not? Rey. My lord, I have. Pol. God b' wi' you, fare you well. Rey. Good my lord! Pol. Observe his inclination in yourself. Rey. I shall, my lord. Pol. And let him ply his music. Rey. Well, my lord. Pol. Farewell! [Exit Reynaldo.] [Enter Ophelia.] How now, Ophelia! what's the matter? Oph. Alas, my lord, I have been so affrighted! Pol. With what, i' the name of God? Oph. My lord, as I was sewing in my chamber, Lord Hamlet,--with his doublet all unbrac'd; No hat upon his head; his stockings foul'd, Ungart'red, and down-gyved to his ankle; Pale as his shirt; his knees knocking each other; And with a look so piteous in purport As if he had been loosed out of hell To speak of horrors,--he comes before me. Pol. Mad for thy love? Oph. My lord, I do not know; But truly I do fear it. Pol. What said he? Oph. He took me by the wrist, and held me hard; Then goes he to the length of all his arm; And with his other hand thus o'er his brow, He falls to such perusal of my face As he would draw it. Long stay'd he so; At last,--a little shaking of mine arm, And thrice his head thus waving up and down,-- He rais'd a sigh so piteous and profound As it did seem to shatter all his bulk And end his being: that done, he lets me go: And, with his head over his shoulder turn'd He seem'd to find his way without his eyes; For out o' doors he went without their help, And to the last bended their light on me. Pol. Come, go with me: I will go seek the king. This is the very ecstasy of love; Whose violent property fordoes itself, And leads the will to desperate undertakings, As oft as any passion under heaven That does afflict our natures. I am sorry,-- What, have you given him any hard words of late? Oph. No, my good lord; but, as you did command, I did repel his letters and denied His access to me. Pol. That hath made him mad. I am sorry that with better heed and judgment I had not quoted him: I fear'd he did but trifle, And meant to wreck thee; but beshrew my jealousy! It seems it as proper to our age To cast beyond ourselves in our opinions As it is common for the younger sort To lack discretion. Come, go we to the king: This must be known; which, being kept close, might move More grief to hide than hate to utter love. [Exeunt.] Scene II. A room in the Castle. [Enter King, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Attendants.] King. Welcome, dear Rosencrantz and Guildenstern! Moreover that we much did long to see you, The need we have to use you did provoke Our hasty sending. Something have you heard Of Hamlet's transformation; so I call it, Since nor the exterior nor the inward man Resembles that it was. What it should be, More than his father's death, that thus hath put him So much from the understanding of himself, I cannot dream of: I entreat you both That, being of so young days brought up with him, And since so neighbour'd to his youth and humour, That you vouchsafe your rest here in our court Some little time: so by your companies To draw him on to pleasures, and to gather, So much as from occasion you may glean, Whether aught, to us unknown, afflicts him thus, That, open'd, lies within our remedy. Queen. Good gentlemen, he hath much talk'd of you, And sure I am two men there are not living To whom he more adheres. If it will please you To show us so much gentry and good-will As to expend your time with us awhile, For the supply and profit of our hope, Your visitation shall receive such thanks As fits a king's remembrance. Ros. Both your majesties Might, by the sovereign power you have of us, Put your dread pleasures more into command Than to entreaty. Guil. We both obey, And here give up ourselves, in the full bent, To lay our service freely at your feet, To be commanded. King. Thanks, Rosencrantz and gentle Guildenstern. Queen. Thanks, Guildenstern and gentle Rosencrantz: And I beseech you instantly to visit My too-much-changed son.--Go, some of you, And bring these gentlemen where Hamlet is. Guil. Heavens make our presence and our practices Pleasant and helpful to him! Queen. Ay, amen! [Exeunt Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and some Attendants]. [Enter Polonius.] Pol. Th' ambassadors from Norway, my good lord, Are joyfully return'd. King. Thou still hast been the father of good news. Pol. Have I, my lord? Assure you, my good liege, I hold my duty, as I hold my soul, Both to my God and to my gracious king: And I do think,--or else this brain of mine Hunts not the trail of policy so sure As it hath us'd to do,--that I have found The very cause of Hamlet's lunacy. King. O, speak of that; that do I long to hear. Pol. Give first admittance to the ambassadors; My news shall be the fruit to that great feast. King. Thyself do grace to them, and bring them in. [Exit Polonius.] He tells me, my sweet queen, he hath found The head and source of all your son's distemper. Queen. I doubt it is no other but the main,-- His father's death and our o'erhasty marriage. King. Well, we shall sift him. [Enter Polonius, with Voltimand and Cornelius.] Welcome, my good friends! Say, Voltimand, what from our brother Norway? Volt. Most fair return of greetings and desires. Upon our first, he sent out to suppress His nephew's levies; which to him appear'd To be a preparation 'gainst the Polack; But, better look'd into, he truly found It was against your highness; whereat griev'd,-- That so his sickness, age, and impotence Was falsely borne in hand,--sends out arrests On Fortinbras; which he, in brief, obeys; Receives rebuke from Norway; and, in fine, Makes vow before his uncle never more To give th' assay of arms against your majesty. Whereon old Norway, overcome with joy, Gives him three thousand crowns in annual fee; And his commission to employ those soldiers, So levied as before, against the Polack: With an entreaty, herein further shown, [Gives a paper.] That it might please you to give quiet pass Through your dominions for this enterprise, On such regards of safety and allowance As therein are set down. King. It likes us well; And at our more consider'd time we'll read, Answer, and think upon this business. Meantime we thank you for your well-took labour: Go to your rest; at night we'll feast together: Most welcome home! [Exeunt Voltimand and Cornelius.] Pol. This business is well ended.-- My liege, and madam,--to expostulate What majesty should be, what duty is, Why day is day, night is night, and time is time. Were nothing but to waste night, day, and time. Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit, And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief:--your noble son is mad: Mad call I it; for to define true madness, What is't but to be nothing else but mad? But let that go. Queen. More matter, with less art. Pol. Madam, I swear I use no art at all. That he is mad, 'tis true: 'tis true 'tis pity; And pity 'tis 'tis true: a foolish figure; But farewell it, for I will use no art. Mad let us grant him then: and now remains That we find out the cause of this effect; Or rather say, the cause of this defect, For this effect defective comes by cause: Thus it remains, and the remainder thus. Perpend. I have a daughter,--have whilst she is mine,-- Who, in her duty and obedience, mark, Hath given me this: now gather, and surmise. [Reads.] 'To the celestial, and my soul's idol, the most beautified Ophelia,'-- That's an ill phrase, a vile phrase; 'beautified' is a vile phrase: but you shall hear. Thus: [Reads.] 'In her excellent white bosom, these, &c.' Queen. Came this from Hamlet to her? Pol. Good madam, stay awhile; I will be faithful. [Reads.] 'Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love. 'O dear Ophelia, I am ill at these numbers; I have not art to reckon my groans: but that I love thee best, O most best, believe it. Adieu. 'Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst this machine is to him, HAMLET.' This, in obedience, hath my daughter show'd me; And more above, hath his solicitings, As they fell out by time, by means, and place, All given to mine ear. King. But how hath she Receiv'd his love? Pol. What do you think of me? King. As of a man faithful and honourable. Pol. I would fain prove so. But what might you think, When I had seen this hot love on the wing,-- As I perceiv'd it, I must tell you that, Before my daughter told me,-- what might you, Or my dear majesty your queen here, think, If I had play'd the desk or table-book, Or given my heart a winking, mute and dumb; Or look'd upon this love with idle sight;-- What might you think? No, I went round to work, And my young mistress thus I did bespeak: 'Lord Hamlet is a prince, out of thy sphere; This must not be:' and then I precepts gave her, That she should lock herself from his resort, Admit no messengers, receive no tokens. Which done, she took the fruits of my advice; And he, repulsed,--a short tale to make,-- Fell into a sadness; then into a fast; Thence to a watch; thence into a weakness; Thence to a lightness; and, by this declension, Into the madness wherein now he raves, And all we wail for. King. Do you think 'tis this? Queen. It may be, very likely. Pol. Hath there been such a time,--I'd fain know that-- That I have positively said ''Tis so,' When it prov'd otherwise? King. Not that I know. Pol. Take this from this, if this be otherwise: [Points to his head and shoulder.] If circumstances lead me, I will find Where truth is hid, though it were hid indeed Within the centre. King. How may we try it further? Pol. You know sometimes he walks for hours together Here in the lobby. Queen. So he does indeed. Pol. At such a time I'll loose my daughter to him: Be you and I behind an arras then; Mark the encounter: if he love her not, And he not from his reason fall'n thereon Let me be no assistant for a state, But keep a farm and carters. King. We will try it. Queen. But look where sadly the poor wretch comes reading. Pol. Away, I do beseech you, both away I'll board him presently:--O, give me leave. [Exeunt King, Queen, and Attendants.] [Enter Hamlet, reading.] How does my good Lord Hamlet? Ham. Well, God-a-mercy. Pol. Do you know me, my lord? Ham. Excellent well; you're a fishmonger. Pol. Not I, my lord. Ham. Then I would you were so honest a man. Pol. Honest, my lord! Ham. Ay, sir; to be honest, as this world goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand. Pol. That's very true, my lord. Ham. For if the sun breed maggots in a dead dog, being a god-kissing carrion,--Have you a daughter? Pol. I have, my lord. Ham. Let her not walk i' the sun: conception is a blessing, but not as your daughter may conceive:--friend, look to't. Pol. How say you by that?--[Aside.] Still harping on my daughter:--yet he knew me not at first; he said I was a fishmonger: he is far gone, far gone: and truly in my youth I suffered much extremity for love; very near this. I'll speak to him again.--What do you read, my lord? Ham. Words, words, words. Pol. What is the matter, my lord? Ham. Between who? Pol. I mean, the matter that you read, my lord. Ham. Slanders, sir: for the satirical slave says here that old men have grey beards; that their faces are wrinkled; their eyes purging thick amber and plum-tree gum; and that they have a plentiful lack of wit, together with most weak hams: all which, sir, though I most powerfully and potently believe, yet I hold it not honesty to have it thus set down; for you yourself, sir, should be old as I am, if, like a crab, you could go backward. Pol. [Aside.] Though this be madness, yet there is a method in't.-- Will you walk out of the air, my lord? Ham. Into my grave? Pol. Indeed, that is out o' the air. [Aside.] How pregnant sometimes his replies are! a happiness that often madness hits on, which reason and sanity could not so prosperously be delivered of. I will leave him and suddenly contrive the means of meeting between him and my daughter.--My honourable lord, I will most humbly take my leave of you. Ham. You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will more willingly part withal,--except my life, except my life, except my life. Pol. Fare you well, my lord. Ham. These tedious old fools! [Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] Pol. You go to seek the Lord Hamlet; there he is. Ros. [To Polonius.] God save you, sir! [Exit Polonius.] Guil. My honoured lord! Ros. My most dear lord! Ham. My excellent good friends! How dost thou, Guildenstern? Ah, Rosencrantz! Good lads, how do ye both? Ros. As the indifferent children of the earth. Guil. Happy in that we are not over-happy; On fortune's cap we are not the very button. Ham. Nor the soles of her shoe? Ros. Neither, my lord. Ham. Then you live about her waist, or in the middle of her favours? Guil. Faith, her privates we. Ham. In the secret parts of fortune? O, most true; she is a strumpet. What's the news? Ros. None, my lord, but that the world's grown honest. Ham. Then is doomsday near; but your news is not true. Let me question more in particular: what have you, my good friends, deserved at the hands of fortune, that she sends you to prison hither? Guil. Prison, my lord! Ham. Denmark's a prison. Ros. Then is the world one. Ham. A goodly one; in which there are many confines, wards, and dungeons, Denmark being one o' the worst. Ros. We think not so, my lord. Ham. Why, then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so: to me it is a prison. Ros. Why, then, your ambition makes it one; 'tis too narrow for your mind. Ham. O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. Guil. Which dreams, indeed, are ambition; for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. Ham. A dream itself is but a shadow. Ros. Truly, and I hold ambition of so airy and light a quality that it is but a shadow's shadow. Ham. Then are our beggars bodies, and our monarchs and outstretch'd heroes the beggars' shadows. Shall we to the court? for, by my fay, I cannot reason. Ros. and Guild. We'll wait upon you. Ham. No such matter: I will not sort you with the rest of my servants; for, to speak to you like an honest man, I am most dreadfully attended. But, in the beaten way of friendship, what make you at Elsinore? Ros. To visit you, my lord; no other occasion. Ham. Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks; but I thank you: and sure, dear friends, my thanks are too dear a halfpenny. Were you not sent for? Is it your own inclining? Is it a free visitation? Come, deal justly with me: come, come; nay, speak. Guil. What should we say, my lord? Ham. Why, anything--but to the purpose. You were sent for; and there is a kind of confession in your looks, which your modesties have not craft enough to colour: I know the good king and queen have sent for you. Ros. To what end, my lord? Ham. That you must teach me. But let me conjure you, by the rights of our fellowship, by the consonancy of our youth, by the obligation of our ever-preserved love, and by what more dear a better proposer could charge you withal, be even and direct with me, whether you were sent for or no. Ros. [To Guildenstern.] What say you? Ham. [Aside.] Nay, then, I have an eye of you.--If you love me, hold not off. Guil. My lord, we were sent for. Ham. I will tell you why; so shall my anticipation prevent your discovery, and your secrecy to the king and queen moult no feather. I have of late,--but wherefore I know not,--lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises; and indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire,--why, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so. Ros. My lord, there was no such stuff in my thoughts. Ham. Why did you laugh then, when I said 'Man delights not me'? Ros. To think, my lord, if you delight not in man, what lenten entertainment the players shall receive from you: we coted them on the way; and hither are they coming to offer you service. Ham. He that plays the king shall be welcome,--his majesty shall have tribute of me; the adventurous knight shall use his foil and target; the lover shall not sigh gratis; the humorous man shall end his part in peace; the clown shall make those laugh whose lungs are tickle o' the sere; and the lady shall say her mind freely, or the blank verse shall halt for't. What players are they? Ros. Even those you were wont to take such delight in,--the tragedians of the city. Ham. How chances it they travel? their residence, both in reputation and profit, was better both ways. Ros. I think their inhibition comes by the means of the late innovation. Ham. Do they hold the same estimation they did when I was in the city? Are they so followed? Ros. No, indeed, are they not. Ham. How comes it? do they grow rusty? Ros. Nay, their endeavour keeps in the wonted pace: but there is, sir, an aery of children, little eyases, that cry out on the top of question, and are most tyrannically clapped for't: these are now the fashion; and so berattle the common stages,--so they call them,--that many wearing rapiers are afraid of goose-quills and dare scarce come thither. Ham. What, are they children? who maintains 'em? How are they escoted? Will they pursue the quality no longer than they can sing? will they not say afterwards, if they should grow themselves to common players,--as it is most like, if their means are no better,--their writers do them wrong to make them exclaim against their own succession? Ros. Faith, there has been much to do on both sides; and the nation holds it no sin to tarre them to controversy: there was, for awhile, no money bid for argument unless the poet and the player went to cuffs in the question. Ham. Is't possible? Guil. O, there has been much throwing about of brains. Ham. Do the boys carry it away? Ros. Ay, that they do, my lord; Hercules and his load too. Ham. It is not very strange; for my uncle is king of Denmark, and those that would make mouths at him while my father lived, give twenty, forty, fifty, a hundred ducats a-piece for his picture in little. 'Sblood, there is something in this more than natural, if philosophy could find it out. [Flourish of trumpets within.] Guil. There are the players. Ham. Gentlemen, you are welcome to Elsinore. Your hands, come: the appurtenance of welcome is fashion and ceremony: let me comply with you in this garb; lest my extent to the players, which I tell you must show fairly outward, should more appear like entertainment than yours. You are welcome: but my uncle-father and aunt-mother are deceived. Guil. In what, my dear lord? Ham. I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw. [Enter Polonius.] Pol. Well be with you, gentlemen! Ham. Hark you, Guildenstern;--and you too;--at each ear a hearer: that great baby you see there is not yet out of his swaddling clouts. Ros. Happily he's the second time come to them; for they say an old man is twice a child. Ham. I will prophesy he comes to tell me of the players; mark it.--You say right, sir: o' Monday morning; 'twas so indeed. Pol. My lord, I have news to tell you. Ham. My lord, I have news to tell you. When Roscius was an actor in Rome,-- Pol. The actors are come hither, my lord. Ham. Buzz, buzz! Pol. Upon my honour,-- Ham. Then came each actor on his ass,-- Pol. The best actors in the world, either for tragedy, comedy, history, pastoral, pastoral-comical, historical-pastoral, tragical-historical, tragical-comical-historical-pastoral, scene individable, or poem unlimited: Seneca cannot be too heavy nor Plautus too light. For the law of writ and the liberty, these are the only men. Ham. O Jephthah, judge of Israel, what a treasure hadst thou! Pol. What treasure had he, my lord? Ham. Why-- 'One fair daughter, and no more, The which he loved passing well.' Pol. [Aside.] Still on my daughter. Ham. Am I not i' the right, old Jephthah? Pol. If you call me Jephthah, my lord, I have a daughter that I love passing well. Ham. Nay, that follows not. Pol. What follows, then, my lord? Ham. Why-- 'As by lot, God wot,' and then, you know, 'It came to pass, as most like it was--' The first row of the pious chanson will show you more; for look where my abridgment comes. [Enter four or five Players.] You are welcome, masters; welcome, all:--I am glad to see thee well.--welcome, good friends.--O, my old friend! Thy face is valanc'd since I saw thee last; comest thou to beard me in Denmark?--What, my young lady and mistress! By'r lady, your ladyship is nearer to heaven than when I saw you last, by the altitude of a chopine. Pray God, your voice, like a piece of uncurrent gold, be not cracked within the ring.--Masters, you are all welcome. We'll e'en to't like French falconers, fly at anything we see: we'll have a speech straight: come, give us a taste of your quality: come, a passionate speech. I Play. What speech, my lord? Ham. I heard thee speak me a speech once,--but it was never acted; or if it was, not above once; for the play, I remember, pleased not the million, 'twas caviare to the general; but it was,--as I received it, and others, whose judgments in such matters cried in the top of mine,--an excellent play, well digested in the scenes, set down with as much modesty as cunning. I remember, one said there were no sallets in the lines to make the matter savoury, nor no matter in the phrase that might indite the author of affectation; but called it an honest method, as wholesome as sweet, and by very much more handsome than fine. One speech in it I chiefly loved: 'twas AEneas' tale to Dido, and thereabout of it especially where he speaks of Priam's slaughter: if it live in your memory, begin at this line;--let me see, let me see:-- The rugged Pyrrhus, like th' Hyrcanian beast,-- it is not so:-- it begins with Pyrrhus:-- 'The rugged Pyrrhus,--he whose sable arms, Black as his purpose,did the night resemble When he lay couched in the ominous horse,-- Hath now this dread and black complexion smear'd With heraldry more dismal; head to foot Now is be total gules; horridly trick'd With blood of fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, Bak'd and impasted with the parching streets, That lend a tyrannous and a damned light To their vile murders: roasted in wrath and fire, And thus o'ersized with coagulate gore, With eyes like carbuncles, the hellish Pyrrhus Old grandsire Priam seeks.' So, proceed you. Pol. 'Fore God, my lord, well spoken, with good accent and good discretion. I Play. Anon he finds him, Striking too short at Greeks: his antique sword, Rebellious to his arm, lies where it falls, Repugnant to command: unequal match'd, Pyrrhus at Priam drives; in rage strikes wide; But with the whiff and wind of his fell sword The unnerved father falls. Then senseless Ilium, Seeming to feel this blow, with flaming top Stoops to his base; and with a hideous crash Takes prisoner Pyrrhus' ear: for lo! his sword, Which was declining on the milky head Of reverend Priam, seem'd i' the air to stick: So, as a painted tyrant, Pyrrhus stood; And, like a neutral to his will and matter, Did nothing. But as we often see, against some storm, A silence in the heavens, the rack stand still, The bold winds speechless, and the orb below As hush as death, anon the dreadful thunder Doth rend the region; so, after Pyrrhus' pause, A roused vengeance sets him new a-work; And never did the Cyclops' hammers fall On Mars's armour, forg'd for proof eterne, With less remorse than Pyrrhus' bleeding sword Now falls on Priam.-- Out, out, thou strumpet, Fortune! All you gods, In general synod, take away her power; Break all the spokes and fellies from her wheel, And bowl the round nave down the hill of heaven, As low as to the fiends! Pol. This is too long. Ham. It shall to the barber's, with your beard.--Pr'ythee say on.-- He's for a jig or a tale of bawdry, or he sleeps:--say on; come to Hecuba. I Play. But who, O who, had seen the mobled queen,-- Ham. 'The mobled queen'? Pol. That's good! 'Mobled queen' is good. I Play. Run barefoot up and down, threatening the flames With bisson rheum; a clout upon that head Where late the diadem stood, and for a robe, About her lank and all o'erteemed loins, A blanket, in the alarm of fear caught up;-- Who this had seen, with tongue in venom steep'd, 'Gainst Fortune's state would treason have pronounc'd: But if the gods themselves did see her then, When she saw Pyrrhus make malicious sport In mincing with his sword her husband's limbs, The instant burst of clamour that she made,-- Unless things mortal move them not at all,-- Would have made milch the burning eyes of heaven, And passion in the gods. Pol. Look, whether he has not turn'd his colour, and has tears in's eyes.--Pray you, no more! Ham. 'Tis well. I'll have thee speak out the rest of this soon.-- Good my lord, will you see the players well bestowed? Do you hear? Let them be well used; for they are the abstracts and brief chronicles of the time; after your death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while you live. Pol. My lord, I will use them according to their desert. Ham. Odd's bodikin, man, better: use every man after his desert, and who should scape whipping? Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty. Take them in. Pol. Come, sirs. Ham. Follow him, friends. we'll hear a play to-morrow. [Exeunt Polonius with all the Players but the First.] Dost thou hear me, old friend? Can you play 'The Murder of Gonzago'? I Play. Ay, my lord. Ham. We'll ha't to-morrow night. You could, for a need, study a speech of some dozen or sixteen lines which I would set down and insert in't? could you not? I Play. Ay, my lord. Ham. Very well.--Follow that lord; and look you mock him not. [Exit First Player.] --My good friends [to Ros. and Guild.], I'll leave you till night: you are welcome to Elsinore. Ros. Good my lord! [Exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] Ham. Ay, so, God b' wi' ye! Now I am alone. O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I! Is it not monstrous that this player here, But in a fiction, in a dream of passion, Could force his soul so to his own conceit That from her working all his visage wan'd; Tears in his eyes, distraction in's aspect, A broken voice, and his whole function suiting With forms to his conceit? And all for nothing! For Hecuba? What's Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba, That he should weep for her? What would he do, Had he the motive and the cue for passion That I have? He would drown the stage with tears And cleave the general ear with horrid speech; Make mad the guilty, and appal the free; Confound the ignorant, and amaze, indeed, The very faculties of eyes and ears. Yet I, A dull and muddy-mettled rascal, peak, Like John-a-dreams, unpregnant of my cause, And can say nothing; no, not for a king Upon whose property and most dear life A damn'd defeat was made. Am I a coward? Who calls me villain? breaks my pate across? Plucks off my beard and blows it in my face? Tweaks me by the nose? gives me the lie i' the throat As deep as to the lungs? who does me this, ha? 'Swounds, I should take it: for it cannot be But I am pigeon-liver'd, and lack gall To make oppression bitter; or ere this I should have fatted all the region kites With this slave's offal: bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain! O, vengeance! Why, what an ass am I! This is most brave, That I, the son of a dear father murder'd, Prompted to my revenge by heaven and hell, Must, like a whore, unpack my heart with words And fall a-cursing like a very drab, A scullion! Fie upon't! foh!--About, my brain! I have heard That guilty creatures, sitting at a play, Have by the very cunning of the scene Been struck so to the soul that presently They have proclaim'd their malefactions; For murder, though it have no tongue, will speak With most miraculous organ, I'll have these players Play something like the murder of my father Before mine uncle: I'll observe his looks; I'll tent him to the quick: if he but blench, I know my course. The spirit that I have seen May be the devil: and the devil hath power To assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps Out of my weakness and my melancholy,-- As he is very potent with such spirits,-- Abuses me to damn me: I'll have grounds More relative than this.--the play's the thing Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king. [Exit.] ACT III. Scene I. A room in the Castle. [Enter King, Queen, Polonius, Ophelia, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern.] King. And can you, by no drift of circumstance, Get from him why he puts on this confusion, Grating so harshly all his days of quiet With turbulent and dangerous lunacy? Ros. He does confess he feels himself distracted, But from what cause he will by no means speak. Guil. Nor do we find him forward to be sounded, But, with a crafty madness, keeps aloof When we would bring him on to some confession Of his true state. Queen. Did he receive you well? Ros. Most like a gentleman. Guil. But with much forcing of his disposition. Ros. Niggard of question; but, of our demands, Most free in his reply. Queen. Did you assay him To any pastime? Ros. Madam, it so fell out that certain players We o'er-raught on the way: of these we told him, And there did seem in him a kind of joy To hear of it: they are about the court, And, as I think, they have already order This night to play before him. Pol. 'Tis most true; And he beseech'd me to entreat your majesties To hear and see the matter. King. With all my heart; and it doth much content me To hear him so inclin'd.-- Good gentlemen, give him a further edge, And drive his purpose on to these delights. Ros. We shall, my lord. [Exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] King. Sweet Gertrude, leave us too; For we have closely sent for Hamlet hither, That he, as 'twere by accident, may here Affront Ophelia: Her father and myself,--lawful espials,-- Will so bestow ourselves that, seeing, unseen, We may of their encounter frankly judge; And gather by him, as he is behav'd, If't be the affliction of his love or no That thus he suffers for. Queen. I shall obey you:-- And for your part, Ophelia, I do wish That your good beauties be the happy cause Of Hamlet's wildness: so shall I hope your virtues Will bring him to his wonted way again, To both your honours. Oph. Madam, I wish it may. [Exit Queen.] Pol. Ophelia, walk you here.--Gracious, so please you, We will bestow ourselves.--[To Ophelia.] Read on this book; That show of such an exercise may colour Your loneliness.--We are oft to blame in this,-- 'Tis too much prov'd,--that with devotion's visage And pious action we do sugar o'er The Devil himself. King. [Aside.] O, 'tis too true! How smart a lash that speech doth give my conscience! The harlot's cheek, beautied with plastering art, Is not more ugly to the thing that helps it Than is my deed to my most painted word: O heavy burden! Pol. I hear him coming: let's withdraw, my lord. [Exeunt King and Polonius.] [Enter Hamlet.] Ham. To be, or not to be,--that is the question:-- Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?--To die,--to sleep,-- No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to,--'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die,--to sleep;-- To sleep! perchance to dream:--ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death,-- The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn No traveller returns,--puzzles the will, And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought; And enterprises of great pith and moment, With this regard, their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action.--Soft you now! The fair Ophelia!--Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd. Oph. Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day? Ham. I humbly thank you; well, well, well. Oph. My lord, I have remembrances of yours That I have longed long to re-deliver. I pray you, now receive them. Ham. No, not I; I never gave you aught. Oph. My honour'd lord, you know right well you did; And with them words of so sweet breath compos'd As made the things more rich; their perfume lost, Take these again; for to the noble mind Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. There, my lord. Ham. Ha, ha! are you honest? Oph. My lord? Ham. Are you fair? Oph. What means your lordship? Ham. That if you be honest and fair, your honesty should admit no discourse to your beauty. Oph. Could beauty, my lord, have better commerce than with honesty? Ham. Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will sooner transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the force of honesty can translate beauty into his likeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now the time gives it proof. I did love you once. Oph. Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so. Ham. You should not have believ'd me; for virtue cannot so inoculate our old stock but we shall relish of it: I loved you not. Oph. I was the more deceived. Ham. Get thee to a nunnery: why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners? I am myself indifferent honest; but yet I could accuse me of such things that it were better my mother had not borne me: I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious; with more offences at my beck than I have thoughts to put them in, imagination to give them shape, or time to act them in. What should such fellows as I do crawling between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves, all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery. Where's your father? Oph. At home, my lord. Ham. Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the fool nowhere but in's own house. Farewell. Oph. O, help him, you sweet heavens! Ham. If thou dost marry, I'll give thee this plague for thy dowry,-- be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. Get thee to a nunnery, go: farewell. Or, if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go; and quickly too. Farewell. Oph. O heavenly powers, restore him! Ham. I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another: you jig, you amble, and you lisp, and nickname God's creatures, and make your wantonness your ignorance. Go to, I'll no more on't; it hath made me mad. I say, we will have no more marriages: those that are married already, all but one, shall live; the rest shall keep as they are. To a nunnery, go. [Exit.] Oph. O, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown! The courtier's, scholar's, soldier's, eye, tongue, sword, The expectancy and rose of the fair state, The glass of fashion and the mould of form, The observ'd of all observers,--quite, quite down! And I, of ladies most deject and wretched That suck'd the honey of his music vows, Now see that noble and most sovereign reason, Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh; That unmatch'd form and feature of blown youth Blasted with ecstasy: O, woe is me, To have seen what I have seen, see what I see! [Re-enter King and Polonius.] King. Love! his affections do not that way tend; Nor what he spake, though it lack'd form a little, Was not like madness. There's something in his soul O'er which his melancholy sits on brood; And I do doubt the hatch and the disclose Will be some danger: which for to prevent, I have in quick determination Thus set it down:--he shall with speed to England For the demand of our neglected tribute: Haply the seas, and countries different, With variable objects, shall expel This something-settled matter in his heart; Whereon his brains still beating puts him thus From fashion of himself. What think you on't? Pol. It shall do well: but yet do I believe The origin and commencement of his grief Sprung from neglected love.--How now, Ophelia! You need not tell us what Lord Hamlet said; We heard it all.--My lord, do as you please; But if you hold it fit, after the play, Let his queen mother all alone entreat him To show his grief: let her be round with him; And I'll be plac'd, so please you, in the ear Of all their conference. If she find him not, To England send him; or confine him where Your wisdom best shall think. King. It shall be so: Madness in great ones must not unwatch'd go. [Exeunt.] Scene II. A hall in the Castle. [Enter Hamlet and cartain Players.] Ham. Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue: but if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as lief the town crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently: for in the very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say, whirlwind of passion, you must acquire and beget a temperance that may give it smoothness. O, it offends me to the soul, to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split the cars of the groundlings, who, for the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb shows and noise: I would have such a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant; it out-herods Herod: pray you avoid it. I Player. I warrant your honour. Ham. Be not too tame neither; but let your own discretion be your tutor: suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature: for anything so overdone is from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the first and now, was and is, to hold, as 'twere, the mirror up to nature; to show virtue her own image, scorn her own image, and the very age and body of the time his form and pressure. Now, this overdone, or come tardy off, though it make the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the judicious grieve; the censure of the which one must in your allowance, o'erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be players that I have seen play,--and heard others praise, and that highly,--not to speak it profanely, that, neither having the accent of Christians, nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed that I have thought some of nature's journeymen had made men, and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abominably. I Player. I hope we have reform'd that indifferently with us, sir. Ham. O, reform it altogether. And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them: for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too, though in the meantime some necessary question of the play be then to be considered: that's villanous and shows a most pitiful ambition in the fool that uses it. Go make you ready. [Exeunt Players.] [Enter Polonius, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern.] How now, my lord! will the king hear this piece of work? Pol. And the queen too, and that presently. Ham. Bid the players make haste. [Exit Polonius.] Will you two help to hasten them? Ros. and Guil. We will, my lord. [Exeunt Ros. and Guil.] Ham. What, ho, Horatio! [Enter Horatio.] Hor. Here, sweet lord, at your service. Ham. Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man As e'er my conversation cop'd withal. Hor. O, my dear lord,-- Ham. Nay, do not think I flatter; For what advancement may I hope from thee, That no revenue hast, but thy good spirits, To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter'd? No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp; And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear? Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice, And could of men distinguish, her election Hath seal'd thee for herself: for thou hast been As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing; A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards Hast ta'en with equal thanks: and bles'd are those Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger To sound what stop she please. Give me that man That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart, As I do thee.--Something too much of this.-- There is a play to-night before the king; One scene of it comes near the circumstance, Which I have told thee, of my father's death: I pr'ythee, when thou see'st that act a-foot, Even with the very comment of thy soul Observe mine uncle: if his occulted guilt Do not itself unkennel in one speech, It is a damned ghost that we have seen; And my imaginations are as foul As Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note; For I mine eyes will rivet to his face; And, after, we will both our judgments join In censure of his seeming. Hor. Well, my lord: If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing, And scape detecting, I will pay the theft. Ham. They are coming to the play. I must be idle: Get you a place. [Danish march. A flourish. Enter King, Queen, Polonius, Ophelia, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and others.] King. How fares our cousin Hamlet? Ham. Excellent, i' faith; of the chameleon's dish: I eat the air, promise-crammed: you cannot feed capons so. King. I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet; these words are not mine. Ham. No, nor mine now. My lord, you play'd once i' the university, you say? [To Polonius.] Pol. That did I, my lord, and was accounted a good actor. Ham. What did you enact? Pol. I did enact Julius Caesar; I was kill'd i' the Capitol; Brutus killed me. Ham. It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there.--Be the players ready? Ros. Ay, my lord; they stay upon your patience. Queen. Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me. Ham. No, good mother, here's metal more attractive. Pol. O, ho! do you mark that? [To the King.] Ham. Lady, shall I lie in your lap? [Lying down at Ophelia's feet.] Oph. No, my lord. Ham. I mean, my head upon your lap? Oph. Ay, my lord. Ham. Do you think I meant country matters? Oph. I think nothing, my lord. Ham. That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs. Oph. What is, my lord? Ham. Nothing. Oph. You are merry, my lord. Ham. Who, I? Oph. Ay, my lord. Ham. O, your only jig-maker! What should a man do but be merry? for look you how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within 's two hours. Oph. Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord. Ham. So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I'll have a suit of sables. O heavens! die two months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a year: but, by'r lady, he must build churches then; or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is 'For, O, for, O, the hobby-horse is forgot!' [Trumpets sound. The dumb show enters.] [Enter a King and a Queen very lovingly; the Queen embracing him and he her. She kneels, and makes show of protestation unto him. He takes her up, and declines his head upon her neck: lays him down upon a bank of flowers: she, seeing him asleep, leaves him. Anon comes in a fellow, takes off his crown, kisses it, pours poison in the king's ears, and exit. The Queen returns, finds the King dead, and makes passionate action. The Poisoner with some three or four Mutes, comes in again, seeming to lament with her. The dead body is carried away. The Poisoner wooes the Queen with gifts; she seems loth and unwilling awhile, but in the end accepts his love.] [Exeunt.] Oph. What means this, my lord? Ham. Marry, this is miching mallecho; it means mischief. Oph. Belike this show imports the argument of the play. [Enter Prologue.] Ham. We shall know by this fellow: the players cannot keep counsel; they'll tell all. Oph. Will he tell us what this show meant? Ham. Ay, or any show that you'll show him: be not you ashamed to show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means. Oph. You are naught, you are naught: I'll mark the play. Pro. For us, and for our tragedy, Here stooping to your clemency, We beg your hearing patiently. Ham. Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring? Oph. 'Tis brief, my lord. Ham. As woman's love. [Enter a King and a Queen.] P. King. Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground, And thirty dozen moons with borrow'd sheen About the world have times twelve thirties been, Since love our hearts, and Hymen did our hands, Unite commutual in most sacred bands. P. Queen. So many journeys may the sun and moon Make us again count o'er ere love be done! But, woe is me, you are so sick of late, So far from cheer and from your former state. That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust, Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must: For women's fear and love holds quantity; In neither aught, or in extremity. Now, what my love is, proof hath made you know; And as my love is siz'd, my fear is so: Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear; Where little fears grow great, great love grows there. P. King. Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too; My operant powers their functions leave to do: And thou shalt live in this fair world behind, Honour'd, belov'd, and haply one as kind For husband shalt thou,-- P. Queen. O, confound the rest! Such love must needs be treason in my breast: In second husband let me be accurst! None wed the second but who kill'd the first. Ham. [Aside.] Wormwood, wormwood! P. Queen. The instances that second marriage move Are base respects of thrift, but none of love. A second time I kill my husband dead When second husband kisses me in bed. P. King. I do believe you think what now you speak; But what we do determine oft we break. Purpose is but the slave to memory; Of violent birth, but poor validity: Which now, like fruit unripe, sticks on the tree; But fall unshaken when they mellow be. Most necessary 'tis that we forget To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt: What to ourselves in passion we propose, The passion ending, doth the purpose lose. The violence of either grief or joy Their own enactures with themselves destroy: Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament; Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident. This world is not for aye; nor 'tis not strange That even our loves should with our fortunes change; For 'tis a question left us yet to prove, Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love. The great man down, you mark his favourite flies, The poor advanc'd makes friends of enemies; And hitherto doth love on fortune tend: For who not needs shall never lack a friend; And who in want a hollow friend doth try, Directly seasons him his enemy. But, orderly to end where I begun,-- Our wills and fates do so contrary run That our devices still are overthrown; Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own: So think thou wilt no second husband wed; But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead. P. Queen. Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light! Sport and repose lock from me day and night! To desperation turn my trust and hope! An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope! Each opposite that blanks the face of joy Meet what I would have well, and it destroy! Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife, If, once a widow, ever I be wife! Ham. If she should break it now! [To Ophelia.] P. King. 'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile; My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile The tedious day with sleep. [Sleeps.] P. Queen. Sleep rock thy brain, And never come mischance between us twain! [Exit.] Ham. Madam, how like you this play? Queen. The lady protests too much, methinks. Ham. O, but she'll keep her word. King. Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in't? Ham. No, no! They do but jest, poison in jest; no offence i' the world. King. What do you call the play? Ham. The Mouse-trap. Marry, how? Tropically. This play is the image of a murder done in Vienna: Gonzago is the duke's name; his wife, Baptista: you shall see anon; 'tis a knavish piece of work: but what o' that? your majesty, and we that have free souls, it touches us not: let the gall'd jade wince; our withers are unwrung. [Enter Lucianus.] This is one Lucianus, nephew to the King. Oph. You are a good chorus, my lord. Ham. I could interpret between you and your love, if I could see the puppets dallying. Oph. You are keen, my lord, you are keen. Ham. It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge. Oph. Still better, and worse. Ham. So you must take your husbands.--Begin, murderer; pox, leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come:--'The croaking raven doth bellow for revenge.' Luc. Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing; Confederate season, else no creature seeing; Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected, With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected, Thy natural magic and dire property On wholesome life usurp immediately. [Pours the poison into the sleeper's ears.] Ham. He poisons him i' the garden for's estate. His name's Gonzago: The story is extant, and written in very choice Italian; you shall see anon how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago's wife. Oph. The King rises. Ham. What, frighted with false fire! Queen. How fares my lord? Pol. Give o'er the play. King. Give me some light:--away! All. Lights, lights, lights! [Exeunt all but Hamlet and Horatio.] Ham. Why, let the strucken deer go weep, The hart ungalled play; For some must watch, while some must sleep: So runs the world away.-- Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers--if the rest of my fortunes turn Turk with me,--with two Provincial roses on my razed shoes, get me a fellowship in a cry of players, sir? Hor. Half a share. Ham. A whole one, I. For thou dost know, O Damon dear, This realm dismantled was Of Jove himself; and now reigns here A very, very--pajock. Hor. You might have rhymed. Ham. O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a thousand pound! Didst perceive? Hor. Very well, my lord. Ham. Upon the talk of the poisoning?-- Hor. I did very well note him. Ham. Ah, ha!--Come, some music! Come, the recorders!-- For if the king like not the comedy, Why then, belike he likes it not, perdy. Come, some music! [Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] Guil. Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word with you. Ham. Sir, a whole history. Guil. The king, sir-- Ham. Ay, sir, what of him? Guil. Is, in his retirement, marvellous distempered. Ham. With drink, sir? Guil. No, my lord; rather with choler. Ham. Your wisdom should show itself more richer to signify this to the doctor; for me to put him to his purgation would perhaps plunge him into far more choler. Guil. Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame, and start not so wildly from my affair. Ham. I am tame, sir:--pronounce. Guil. The queen, your mother, in most great affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you. Ham. You are welcome. Guil. Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed. If it shall please you to make me a wholesome answer, I will do your mother's commandment: if not, your pardon and my return shall be the end of my business. Ham. Sir, I cannot. Guil. What, my lord? Ham. Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseased: but, sir, such answer as I can make, you shall command; or rather, as you say, my mother: therefore no more, but to the matter: my mother, you say,-- Ros. Then thus she says: your behaviour hath struck her into amazement and admiration. Ham. O wonderful son, that can so stonish a mother!--But is there no sequel at the heels of this mother's admiration? Ros. She desires to speak with you in her closet ere you go to bed. Ham. We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have you any further trade with us? Ros. My lord, you once did love me. Ham. And so I do still, by these pickers and stealers. Ros. Good my lord, what is your cause of distemper? you do, surely, bar the door upon your own liberty if you deny your griefs to your friend. Ham. Sir, I lack advancement. Ros. How can that be, when you have the voice of the king himself for your succession in Denmark? Ham. Ay, sir, but 'While the grass grows'--the proverb is something musty. [Re-enter the Players, with recorders.] O, the recorders:--let me see one.--To withdraw with you:--why do you go about to recover the wind of me, as if you would drive me into a toil? Guil. O my lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too unmannerly. Ham. I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe? Guil. My lord, I cannot. Ham. I pray you. Guil. Believe me, I cannot. Ham. I do beseech you. Guil. I know, no touch of it, my lord. Ham. 'Tis as easy as lying: govern these ventages with your finger and thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops. Guil. But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony; I have not the skill. Ham. Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me; you would seem to know my stops; you would pluck out the heart of my mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass; and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me. [Enter Polonius.] God bless you, sir! Pol. My lord, the queen would speak with you, and presently. Ham. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel? Pol. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel indeed. Ham. Methinks it is like a weasel. Pol. It is backed like a weasel. Ham. Or like a whale. Pol. Very like a whale. Ham. Then will I come to my mother by and by.--They fool me to the top of my bent.--I will come by and by. Pol. I will say so. [Exit.] Ham. By-and-by is easily said. [Exit Polonius.] --Leave me, friends. [Exeunt Ros, Guil., Hor., and Players.] 'Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn, and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world: now could I drink hot blood, And do such bitter business as the day Would quake to look on. Soft! now to my mother.-- O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom: Let me be cruel, not unnatural; I will speak daggers to her, but use none; My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites,-- How in my words somever she be shent, To give them seals never, my soul, consent! [Exit.] Scene III. A room in the Castle. [Enter King, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern.] King. I like him not; nor stands it safe with us To let his madness range. Therefore prepare you; I your commission will forthwith dispatch, And he to England shall along with you: The terms of our estate may not endure Hazard so near us as doth hourly grow Out of his lunacies. Guil. We will ourselves provide: Most holy and religious fear it is To keep those many many bodies safe That live and feed upon your majesty. Ros. The single and peculiar life is bound, With all the strength and armour of the mind, To keep itself from 'noyance; but much more That spirit upon whose weal depend and rest The lives of many. The cease of majesty Dies not alone; but like a gulf doth draw What's near it with it: it is a massy wheel, Fix'd on the summit of the highest mount, To whose huge spokes ten thousand lesser things Are mortis'd and adjoin'd; which, when it falls, Each small annexment, petty consequence, Attends the boisterous ruin. Never alone Did the king sigh, but with a general groan. King. Arm you, I pray you, to this speedy voyage; For we will fetters put upon this fear, Which now goes too free-footed. Ros and Guil. We will haste us. [Exeunt Ros. and Guil.] [Enter Polonius.] Pol. My lord, he's going to his mother's closet: Behind the arras I'll convey myself To hear the process; I'll warrant she'll tax him home: And, as you said, and wisely was it said, 'Tis meet that some more audience than a mother, Since nature makes them partial, should o'erhear The speech, of vantage. Fare you well, my liege: I'll call upon you ere you go to bed, And tell you what I know. King. Thanks, dear my lord. [Exit Polonius.] O, my offence is rank, it smells to heaven; It hath the primal eldest curse upon't,-- A brother's murder!--Pray can I not, Though inclination be as sharp as will: My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent; And, like a man to double business bound, I stand in pause where I shall first begin, And both neglect. What if this cursed hand Were thicker than itself with brother's blood,-- Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens To wash it white as snow? Whereto serves mercy But to confront the visage of offence? And what's in prayer but this twofold force,-- To be forestalled ere we come to fall, Or pardon'd being down? Then I'll look up; My fault is past. But, O, what form of prayer Can serve my turn? Forgive me my foul murder!-- That cannot be; since I am still possess'd Of those effects for which I did the murder,-- My crown, mine own ambition, and my queen. May one be pardon'd and retain the offence? In the corrupted currents of this world Offence's gilded hand may shove by justice; And oft 'tis seen the wicked prize itself Buys out the law; but 'tis not so above; There is no shuffling;--there the action lies In his true nature; and we ourselves compell'd, Even to the teeth and forehead of our faults, To give in evidence. What then? what rests? Try what repentance can: what can it not? Yet what can it when one cannot repent? O wretched state! O bosom black as death! O limed soul, that, struggling to be free, Art more engag'd! Help, angels! Make assay: Bow, stubborn knees; and, heart, with strings of steel, Be soft as sinews of the new-born babe! All may be well. [Retires and kneels.] [Enter Hamlet.] Ham. Now might I do it pat, now he is praying; And now I'll do't;--and so he goes to heaven; And so am I reveng'd.--that would be scann'd: A villain kills my father; and for that, I, his sole son, do this same villain send To heaven. O, this is hire and salary, not revenge. He took my father grossly, full of bread; With all his crimes broad blown, as flush as May; And how his audit stands, who knows save heaven? But in our circumstance and course of thought, 'Tis heavy with him: and am I, then, reveng'd, To take him in the purging of his soul, When he is fit and season'd for his passage? No. Up, sword, and know thou a more horrid hent: When he is drunk asleep; or in his rage; Or in the incestuous pleasure of his bed; At gaming, swearing; or about some act That has no relish of salvation in't;-- Then trip him, that his heels may kick at heaven; And that his soul may be as damn'd and black As hell, whereto it goes. My mother stays: This physic but prolongs thy sickly days. [Exit.] [The King rises and advances.] King. My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go. [Exit.] Scene IV. Another room in the castle. [Enter Queen and Polonius.] Pol. He will come straight. Look you lay home to him: Tell him his pranks have been too broad to bear with, And that your grace hath screen'd and stood between Much heat and him. I'll silence me e'en here. Pray you, be round with him. Ham. [Within.] Mother, mother, mother! Queen. I'll warrant you: Fear me not:--withdraw; I hear him coming. [Polonius goes behind the arras.] [Enter Hamlet.] Ham. Now, mother, what's the matter? Queen. Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended. Ham. Mother, you have my father much offended. Queen. Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue. Ham. Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue. Queen. Why, how now, Hamlet! Ham. What's the matter now? Queen. Have you forgot me? Ham. No, by the rood, not so: You are the Queen, your husband's brother's wife, And,--would it were not so!--you are my mother. Queen. Nay, then, I'll set those to you that can speak. Ham. Come, come, and sit you down; you shall not budge; You go not till I set you up a glass Where you may see the inmost part of you. Queen. What wilt thou do? thou wilt not murder me?-- Help, help, ho! Pol. [Behind.] What, ho! help, help, help! Ham. How now? a rat? [Draws.] Dead for a ducat, dead! [Makes a pass through the arras.] Pol. [Behind.] O, I am slain! [Falls and dies.] Queen. O me, what hast thou done? Ham. Nay, I know not: is it the king? [Draws forth Polonius.] Queen. O, what a rash and bloody deed is this! Ham. A bloody deed!--almost as bad, good mother, As kill a king and marry with his brother. Queen. As kill a king! Ham. Ay, lady, 'twas my word.-- Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool, farewell! [To Polonius.] I took thee for thy better: take thy fortune; Thou find'st to be too busy is some danger.-- Leave wringing of your hands: peace! sit you down, And let me wring your heart: for so I shall, If it be made of penetrable stuff; If damned custom have not braz'd it so That it is proof and bulwark against sense. Queen. What have I done, that thou dar'st wag thy tongue In noise so rude against me? Ham. Such an act That blurs the grace and blush of modesty; Calls virtue hypocrite; takes off the rose From the fair forehead of an innocent love, And sets a blister there; makes marriage-vows As false as dicers' oaths: O, such a deed As from the body of contraction plucks The very soul, and sweet religion makes A rhapsody of words: heaven's face doth glow; Yea, this solidity and compound mass, With tristful visage, as against the doom, Is thought-sick at the act. Queen. Ah me, what act, That roars so loud, and thunders in the index? Ham. Look here upon this picture, and on this,-- The counterfeit presentment of two brothers. See what a grace was seated on this brow; Hyperion's curls; the front of Jove himself; An eye like Mars, to threaten and command; A station like the herald Mercury New lighted on a heaven-kissing hill: A combination and a form, indeed, Where every god did seem to set his seal, To give the world assurance of a man; This was your husband.--Look you now what follows: Here is your husband, like a milldew'd ear Blasting his wholesome brother. Have you eyes? Could you on this fair mountain leave to feed, And batten on this moor? Ha! have you eyes? You cannot call it love; for at your age The hey-day in the blood is tame, it's humble, And waits upon the judgment: and what judgment Would step from this to this? Sense, sure, you have, Else could you not have motion: but sure that sense Is apoplex'd; for madness would not err; Nor sense to ecstacy was ne'er so thrall'd But it reserv'd some quantity of choice To serve in such a difference. What devil was't That thus hath cozen'd you at hoodman-blind? Eyes without feeling, feeling without sight, Ears without hands or eyes, smelling sans all, Or but a sickly part of one true sense Could not so mope. O shame! where is thy blush? Rebellious hell, If thou canst mutine in a matron's bones, To flaming youth let virtue be as wax, And melt in her own fire: proclaim no shame When the compulsive ardour gives the charge, Since frost itself as actively doth burn, And reason panders will. Queen. O Hamlet, speak no more: Thou turn'st mine eyes into my very soul; And there I see such black and grained spots As will not leave their tinct. Ham. Nay, but to live In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed, Stew'd in corruption, honeying and making love Over the nasty sty,-- Queen. O, speak to me no more; These words like daggers enter in mine ears; No more, sweet Hamlet. Ham. A murderer and a villain; A slave that is not twentieth part the tithe Of your precedent lord; a vice of kings; A cutpurse of the empire and the rule, That from a shelf the precious diadem stole And put it in his pocket! Queen. No more. Ham. A king of shreds and patches!-- [Enter Ghost.] Save me and hover o'er me with your wings, You heavenly guards!--What would your gracious figure? Queen. Alas, he's mad! Ham. Do you not come your tardy son to chide, That, laps'd in time and passion, lets go by The important acting of your dread command? O, say! Ghost. Do not forget. This visitation Is but to whet thy almost blunted purpose. But, look, amazement on thy mother sits: O, step between her and her fighting soul,-- Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works,-- Speak to her, Hamlet. Ham. How is it with you, lady? Queen. Alas, how is't with you, That you do bend your eye on vacancy, And with the incorporal air do hold discourse? Forth at your eyes your spirits wildly peep; And, as the sleeping soldiers in the alarm, Your bedded hairs, like life in excrements, Start up and stand an end. O gentle son, Upon the heat and flame of thy distemper Sprinkle cool patience! Whereon do you look? Ham. On him, on him! Look you how pale he glares! His form and cause conjoin'd, preaching to stones, Would make them capable.--Do not look upon me; Lest with this piteous action you convert My stern effects: then what I have to do Will want true colour; tears perchance for blood. Queen. To whom do you speak this? Ham. Do you see nothing there? Queen. Nothing at all; yet all that is I see. Ham. Nor did you nothing hear? Queen. No, nothing but ourselves. Ham. Why, look you there! look how it steals away! My father, in his habit as he liv'd! Look, where he goes, even now out at the portal! [Exit Ghost.] Queen. This is the very coinage of your brain: This bodiless creation ecstasy Is very cunning in. Ham. Ecstasy! My pulse, as yours, doth temperately keep time, And makes as healthful music: it is not madness That I have utter'd: bring me to the test, And I the matter will re-word; which madness Would gambol from. Mother, for love of grace, Lay not that flattering unction to your soul That not your trespass, but my madness speaks: It will but skin and film the ulcerous place, Whilst rank corruption, mining all within, Infects unseen. Confess yourself to heaven; Repent what's past; avoid what is to come; And do not spread the compost on the weeds, To make them ranker. Forgive me this my virtue; For in the fatness of these pursy times Virtue itself of vice must pardon beg, Yea, curb and woo for leave to do him good. Queen. O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my heart in twain. Ham. O, throw away the worser part of it, And live the purer with the other half. Good night: but go not to mine uncle's bed; Assume a virtue, if you have it not. That monster custom, who all sense doth eat, Of habits evil, is angel yet in this,-- That to the use of actions fair and good He likewise gives a frock or livery That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night; And that shall lend a kind of easiness To the next abstinence: the next more easy; For use almost can change the stamp of nature, And either curb the devil, or throw him out With wondrous potency. Once more, good-night: And when you are desirous to be bles'd, I'll blessing beg of you.--For this same lord [Pointing to Polonius.] I do repent; but heaven hath pleas'd it so, To punish me with this, and this with me, That I must be their scourge and minister. I will bestow him, and will answer well The death I gave him. So again, good-night.-- I must be cruel, only to be kind: Thus bad begins, and worse remains behind.-- One word more, good lady. Queen. What shall I do? Ham. Not this, by no means, that I bid you do: Let the bloat king tempt you again to bed; Pinch wanton on your cheek; call you his mouse; And let him, for a pair of reechy kisses, Or paddling in your neck with his damn'd fingers, Make you to ravel all this matter out, That I essentially am not in madness, But mad in craft. 'Twere good you let him know; For who that's but a queen, fair, sober, wise, Would from a paddock, from a bat, a gib, Such dear concernings hide? who would do so? No, in despite of sense and secrecy, Unpeg the basket on the house's top, Let the birds fly, and, like the famous ape, To try conclusions, in the basket creep And break your own neck down. Queen. Be thou assur'd, if words be made of breath, And breath of life, I have no life to breathe What thou hast said to me. Ham. I must to England; you know that? Queen. Alack, I had forgot: 'tis so concluded on. Ham. There's letters seal'd: and my two schoolfellows,-- Whom I will trust as I will adders fang'd,-- They bear the mandate; they must sweep my way And marshal me to knavery. Let it work; For 'tis the sport to have the enginer Hoist with his own petard: and 't shall go hard But I will delve one yard below their mines And blow them at the moon: O, 'tis most sweet, When in one line two crafts directly meet.-- This man shall set me packing: I'll lug the guts into the neighbour room.-- Mother, good-night.--Indeed, this counsellor Is now most still, most secret, and most grave, Who was in life a foolish peating knave. Come, sir, to draw toward an end with you:-- Good night, mother. [Exeunt severally; Hamlet, dragging out Polonius.] ACT IV. Scene I. A room in the Castle. [Enter King, Queen, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] King. There's matter in these sighs. These profound heaves You must translate: 'tis fit we understand them. Where is your son? Queen. Bestow this place on us a little while. [To Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, who go out.] Ah, my good lord, what have I seen to-night! King. What, Gertrude? How does Hamlet? Queen. Mad as the sea and wind, when both contend Which is the mightier: in his lawless fit Behind the arras hearing something stir, Whips out his rapier, cries 'A rat, a rat!' And in this brainish apprehension, kills The unseen good old man. King. O heavy deed! It had been so with us, had we been there: His liberty is full of threats to all; To you yourself, to us, to every one. Alas, how shall this bloody deed be answer'd? It will be laid to us, whose providence Should have kept short, restrain'd, and out of haunt This mad young man. But so much was our love We would not understand what was most fit; But, like the owner of a foul disease, To keep it from divulging, let it feed Even on the pith of life. Where is he gone? Queen. To draw apart the body he hath kill'd: O'er whom his very madness, like some ore Among a mineral of metals base, Shows itself pure: he weeps for what is done. King. O Gertrude, come away! The sun no sooner shall the mountains touch But we will ship him hence: and this vile deed We must with all our majesty and skill Both countenance and excuse.--Ho, Guildenstern! [Re-enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] Friends both, go join you with some further aid: Hamlet in madness hath Polonius slain, And from his mother's closet hath he dragg'd him: Go seek him out; speak fair, and bring the body Into the chapel. I pray you, haste in this. [Exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] Come, Gertrude, we'll call up our wisest friends; And let them know both what we mean to do And what's untimely done: so haply slander,-- Whose whisper o'er the world's diameter, As level as the cannon to his blank, Transports his poison'd shot,--may miss our name, And hit the woundless air.--O, come away! My soul is full of discord and dismay. [Exeunt.] Scene II. Another room in the Castle. [Enter Hamlet.] Ham. Safely stowed. Ros. and Guil. [Within.] Hamlet! Lord Hamlet! Ham. What noise? who calls on Hamlet? O, here they come. [Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] Ros. What have you done, my lord, with the dead body? Ham. Compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis kin. Ros. Tell us where 'tis, that we may take it thence, And bear it to the chapel. Ham. Do not believe it. Ros. Believe what? Ham. That I can keep your counsel, and not mine own. Besides, to be demanded of a sponge!--what replication should be made by the son of a king? Ros. Take you me for a sponge, my lord? Ham. Ay, sir; that soaks up the King's countenance, his rewards, his authorities. But such officers do the king best service in the end: he keeps them, like an ape, in the corner of his jaw; first mouthed, to be last swallowed: when he needs what you have gleaned, it is but squeezing you, and, sponge, you shall be dry again. Ros. I understand you not, my lord. Ham. I am glad of it: a knavish speech sleeps in a foolish ear. Ros. My lord, you must tell us where the body is and go with us to the king. Ham. The body is with the king, but the king is not with the body. The king is a thing,-- Guil. A thing, my lord! Ham. Of nothing: bring me to him. Hide fox, and all after. [Exeunt.] Scene III. Another room in the Castle. [Enter King,attended.] King. I have sent to seek him and to find the body. How dangerous is it that this man goes loose! Yet must not we put the strong law on him: He's lov'd of the distracted multitude, Who like not in their judgment, but their eyes; And where 'tis so, the offender's scourge is weigh'd, But never the offence. To bear all smooth and even, This sudden sending him away must seem Deliberate pause: diseases desperate grown By desperate appliance are reliev'd, Or not at all. [Enter Rosencrantz.] How now! what hath befall'n? Ros. Where the dead body is bestow'd, my lord, We cannot get from him. King. But where is he? Ros. Without, my lord; guarded, to know your pleasure. King. Bring him before us. Ros. Ho, Guildenstern! bring in my lord. [Enter Hamlet and Guildenstern.] King. Now, Hamlet, where's Polonius? Ham. At supper. King. At supper! where? Ham. Not where he eats, but where he is eaten: a certain convocation of politic worms are e'en at him. Your worm is your only emperor for diet: we fat all creatures else to fat us, and we fat ourselves for maggots: your fat king and your lean beggar is but variable service,--two dishes, but to one table: that's the end. King. Alas, alas! Ham. A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm. King. What dost thou mean by this? Ham. Nothing but to show you how a king may go a progress through the guts of a beggar. King. Where is Polonius? Ham. In heaven: send thither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other place yourself. But, indeed, if you find him not within this month, you shall nose him as you go up the stairs into the lobby. King. Go seek him there. [To some Attendants.] Ham. He will stay till you come. [Exeunt Attendants.] King. Hamlet, this deed, for thine especial safety,-- Which we do tender, as we dearly grieve For that which thou hast done,--must send thee hence With fiery quickness: therefore prepare thyself; The bark is ready, and the wind at help, The associates tend, and everything is bent For England. Ham. For England! King. Ay, Hamlet. Ham. Good. King. So is it, if thou knew'st our purposes. Ham. I see a cherub that sees them.--But, come; for England!-- Farewell, dear mother. King. Thy loving father, Hamlet. Ham. My mother: father and mother is man and wife; man and wife is one flesh; and so, my mother.--Come, for England! [Exit.] King. Follow him at foot; tempt him with speed aboard; Delay it not; I'll have him hence to-night: Away! for everything is seal'd and done That else leans on the affair: pray you, make haste. [Exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.] And, England, if my love thou hold'st at aught,-- As my great power thereof may give thee sense, Since yet thy cicatrice looks raw and red After the Danish sword, and thy free awe Pays homage to us,--thou mayst not coldly set Our sovereign process; which imports at full, By letters conjuring to that effect, The present death of Hamlet. Do it, England; For like the hectic in my blood he rages, And thou must cure me: till I know 'tis done, Howe'er my haps, my joys were ne'er begun. [Exit.] Scene IV. A plain in Denmark. [Enter Fortinbras, and Forces marching.] For. Go, Captain, from me greet the Danish king: Tell him that, by his license, Fortinbras Craves the conveyance of a promis'd march Over his kingdom. You know the rendezvous. If that his majesty would aught with us, We shall express our duty in his eye; And let him know so. Capt. I will do't, my lord. For. Go softly on. [Exeunt all For. and Forces.] [Enter Hamlet, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, &c.] Ham. Good sir, whose powers are these? Capt. They are of Norway, sir. Ham. How purpos'd, sir, I pray you? Capt. Against some part of Poland. Ham. Who commands them, sir? Capt. The nephew to old Norway, Fortinbras. Ham. Goes it against the main of Poland, sir, Or for some frontier? Capt. Truly to speak, and with no addition, We go to gain a little patch of ground That hath in it no profit but the name. To pay five ducats, five, I would not farm it; Nor will it yield to Norway or the Pole A ranker rate, should it be sold in fee. Ham. Why, then the Polack never will defend it. Capt. Yes, it is already garrison'd. Ham. Two thousand souls and twenty thousand ducats Will not debate the question of this straw: This is the imposthume of much wealth and peace, That inward breaks, and shows no cause without Why the man dies.--I humbly thank you, sir. Capt. God b' wi' you, sir. [Exit.] Ros. Will't please you go, my lord? Ham. I'll be with you straight. Go a little before. [Exeunt all but Hamlet.] How all occasions do inform against me And spur my dull revenge! What is a man, If his chief good and market of his time Be but to sleep and feed? a beast, no more. Sure he that made us with such large discourse, Looking before and after, gave us not That capability and godlike reason To fust in us unus'd. Now, whether it be Bestial oblivion, or some craven scruple Of thinking too precisely on the event,-- A thought which, quarter'd, hath but one part wisdom And ever three parts coward,--I do not know Why yet I live to say 'This thing's to do;' Sith I have cause, and will, and strength, and means To do't. Examples, gross as earth, exhort me: Witness this army, of such mass and charge, Led by a delicate and tender prince; Whose spirit, with divine ambition puff'd, Makes mouths at the invisible event; Exposing what is mortal and unsure To all that fortune, death, and danger dare, Even for an egg-shell. Rightly to be great Is not to stir without great argument, But greatly to find quarrel in a straw When honour's at the stake. How stand I, then, That have a father kill'd, a mother stain'd, Excitements of my reason and my blood, And let all sleep? while, to my shame, I see The imminent death of twenty thousand men That, for a fantasy and trick of fame, Go to their graves like beds; fight for a plot Whereon the numbers cannot try the cause, Which is not tomb enough and continent To hide the slain?--O, from this time forth, My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth! [Exit.] Scene V. Elsinore. A room in the Castle. [Enter Queen and Horatio.] Queen. I will not speak with her. Gent. She is importunate; indeed distract: Her mood will needs be pitied. Queen. What would she have? Gent. She speaks much of her father; says she hears There's tricks i' the world, and hems, and beats her heart; Spurns enviously at straws; speaks things in doubt, That carry but half sense: her speech is nothing, Yet the unshaped use of it doth move The hearers to collection; they aim at it, And botch the words up fit to their own thoughts; Which, as her winks, and nods, and gestures yield them, Indeed would make one think there might be thought, Though nothing sure, yet much unhappily. 'Twere good she were spoken with; for she may strew Dangerous conjectures in ill-breeding minds. Queen. Let her come in. [Exit Horatio.] To my sick soul, as sin's true nature is, Each toy seems Prologue to some great amiss: So full of artless jealousy is guilt, It spills itself in fearing to be spilt. [Re-enter Horatio with Ophelia.] Oph. Where is the beauteous majesty of Denmark? Queen. How now, Ophelia? Oph. [Sings.] How should I your true love know From another one? By his cockle bat and' staff And his sandal shoon. Queen. Alas, sweet lady, what imports this song? Oph. Say you? nay, pray you, mark. [Sings.] He is dead and gone, lady, He is dead and gone; At his head a grass green turf, At his heels a stone. Queen. Nay, but Ophelia-- Oph. Pray you, mark. [Sings.] White his shroud as the mountain snow, [Enter King.] Queen. Alas, look here, my lord! Oph. [Sings.] Larded all with sweet flowers; Which bewept to the grave did go With true-love showers. King. How do you, pretty lady? Oph. Well, God dild you! They say the owl was a baker's daughter. Lord, we know what we are, but know not what we may be. God be at your table! King. Conceit upon her father. Oph. Pray you, let's have no words of this; but when they ask you what it means, say you this: [Sings.] To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day All in the morning bedtime, And I a maid at your window, To be your Valentine. Then up he rose and donn'd his clothes, And dupp'd the chamber door, Let in the maid, that out a maid Never departed more. King. Pretty Ophelia! Oph. Indeed, la, without an oath, I'll make an end on't: [Sings.] By Gis and by Saint Charity, Alack, and fie for shame! Young men will do't if they come to't; By cock, they are to blame. Quoth she, before you tumbled me, You promis'd me to wed. So would I ha' done, by yonder sun, An thou hadst not come to my bed. King. How long hath she been thus? Oph. I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but I cannot choose but weep, to think they would lay him i' the cold ground. My brother shall know of it: and so I thank you for your good counsel.--Come, my coach!--Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies; good night, good night. [Exit.] King. Follow her close; give her good watch, I pray you. [Exit Horatio.] O, this is the poison of deep grief; it springs All from her father's death. O Gertrude, Gertrude, When sorrows come, they come not single spies, But in battalions! First, her father slain: Next, your son gone; and he most violent author Of his own just remove: the people muddied, Thick and and unwholesome in their thoughts and whispers For good Polonius' death; and we have done but greenly In hugger-mugger to inter him: poor Ophelia Divided from herself and her fair judgment, Without the which we are pictures or mere beasts: Last, and as much containing as all these, Her brother is in secret come from France; Feeds on his wonder, keeps himself in clouds, And wants not buzzers to infect his ear With pestilent speeches of his father's death; Wherein necessity, of matter beggar'd, Will nothing stick our person to arraign In ear and ear. O my dear Gertrude, this, Like to a murdering piece, in many places Give, me superfluous death. [A noise within.] Queen. Alack, what noise is this? King. Where are my Switzers? let them guard the door. [Enter a Gentleman.] What is the matter? Gent. Save yourself, my lord: The ocean, overpeering of his list, Eats not the flats with more impetuous haste Than young Laertes, in a riotous head, O'erbears your offices. The rabble call him lord; And, as the world were now but to begin, Antiquity forgot, custom not known, The ratifiers and props of every word, They cry 'Choose we! Laertes shall be king!' Caps, hands, and tongues applaud it to the clouds, 'Laertes shall be king! Laertes king!' Queen. How cheerfully on the false trail they cry! O, this is counter, you false Danish dogs! [A noise within.] King. The doors are broke. [Enter Laertes, armed; Danes following.] Laer. Where is this king?--Sirs, stand you all without. Danes. No, let's come in. Laer. I pray you, give me leave. Danes. We will, we will. [They retire without the door.] Laer. I thank you:--keep the door.--O thou vile king, Give me my father! Queen. Calmly, good Laertes. Laer. That drop of blood that's calm proclaims me bastard; Cries cuckold to my father; brands the harlot Even here, between the chaste unsmirched brow Of my true mother. King. What is the cause, Laertes, That thy rebellion looks so giant-like?-- Let him go, Gertrude; do not fear our person: There's such divinity doth hedge a king, That treason can but peep to what it would, Acts little of his will.--Tell me, Laertes, Why thou art thus incens'd.--Let him go, Gertrude:-- Speak, man. Laer. Where is my father? King. Dead. Queen. But not by him. King. Let him demand his fill. Laer. How came he dead? I'll not be juggled with: To hell, allegiance! vows, to the blackest devil! Conscience and grace, to the profoundest pit! I dare damnation:--to this point I stand,-- That both the worlds, I give to negligence, Let come what comes; only I'll be reveng'd Most throughly for my father. King. Who shall stay you? Laer. My will, not all the world: And for my means, I'll husband them so well, They shall go far with little. King. Good Laertes, If you desire to know the certainty Of your dear father's death, is't writ in your revenge That, sweepstake, you will draw both friend and foe, Winner and loser? Laer. None but his enemies. King. Will you know them then? Laer. To his good friends thus wide I'll ope my arms; And, like the kind life-rendering pelican, Repast them with my blood. King. Why, now you speak Like a good child and a true gentleman. That I am guiltless of your father's death, And am most sensibly in grief for it, It shall as level to your judgment pierce As day does to your eye. Danes. [Within] Let her come in. Laer. How now! What noise is that? [Re-enter Ophelia, fantastically dressed with straws and flowers.] O heat, dry up my brains! tears seven times salt, Burn out the sense and virtue of mine eye!-- By heaven, thy madness shall be paid by weight, Till our scale turn the beam. O rose of May! Dear maid, kind sister, sweet Ophelia!-- O heavens! is't possible a young maid's wits Should be as mortal as an old man's life? Nature is fine in love; and where 'tis fine, It sends some precious instance of itself After the thing it loves. Oph. [Sings.] They bore him barefac'd on the bier Hey no nonny, nonny, hey nonny And on his grave rain'd many a tear.-- Fare you well, my dove! Laer. Hadst thou thy wits, and didst persuade revenge, It could not move thus. Oph. You must sing 'Down a-down, an you call him a-down-a.' O, how the wheel becomes it! It is the false steward, that stole his master's daughter. Laer. This nothing's more than matter. Oph. There's rosemary, that's for remembrance; pray, love, remember: and there is pansies, that's for thoughts. Laer. A document in madness,--thoughts and remembrance fitted. Oph. There's fennel for you, and columbines:--there's rue for you; and here's some for me:--we may call it herb of grace o' Sundays:--O, you must wear your rue with a difference.--There's a daisy:--I would give you some violets, but they wither'd all when my father died:--they say he made a good end,-- [Sings.] For bonny sweet Robin is all my joy,-- Laer. Thought and affliction, passion, hell itself, She turns to favour and to prettiness. Oph. [Sings.] And will he not come again? And will he not come again? No, no, he is dead, Go to thy death-bed, He never will come again. His beard was as white as snow, All flaxen was his poll: He is gone, he is gone, And we cast away moan: God ha' mercy on his soul! And of all Christian souls, I pray God.--God b' wi' ye. [Exit.] Laer. Do you see this, O God? King. Laertes, I must commune with your grief, Or you deny me right. Go but apart, Make choice of whom your wisest friends you will, And they shall hear and judge 'twixt you and me. If by direct or by collateral hand They find us touch'd, we will our kingdom give, Our crown, our life, and all that we call ours, To you in satisfaction; but if not, Be you content to lend your patience to us, And we shall jointly labour with your soul To give it due content. Laer. Let this be so; His means of death, his obscure burial,-- No trophy, sword, nor hatchment o'er his bones, No noble rite nor formal ostentation,-- Cry to be heard, as 'twere from heaven to earth, That I must call't in question. King. So you shall; And where the offence is let the great axe fall. I pray you go with me. [Exeunt.] Scene VI. Another room in the Castle. [Enter Horatio and a Servant.] Hor. What are they that would speak with me? Servant. Sailors, sir: they say they have letters for you. Hor. Let them come in. [Exit Servant.] I do not know from what part of the world I should be greeted, if not from Lord Hamlet. [Enter Sailors.] I Sailor. God bless you, sir. Hor. Let him bless thee too. Sailor. He shall, sir, an't please him. There's a letter for you, sir,--it comes from the ambassador that was bound for England; if your name be Horatio, as I am let to know it is. Hor. [Reads.] 'Horatio, when thou shalt have overlooked this, give these fellows some means to the king: they have letters for him. Ere we were two days old at sea, a pirate of very warlike appointment gave us chase. Finding ourselves too slow of sail, we put on a compelled valour, and in the grapple I boarded them: on the instant they got clear of our ship; so I alone became their prisoner. They have dealt with me like thieves of mercy: but they knew what they did; I am to do a good turn for them. Let the king have the letters I have sent; and repair thou to me with as much haste as thou wouldst fly death. I have words to speak in thine ear will make thee dumb; yet are they much too light for the bore of the matter. These good fellows will bring thee where I am. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern hold their course for England: of them I have much to tell thee. Farewell. He that thou knowest thine, HAMLET.' Come, I will give you way for these your letters; And do't the speedier, that you may direct me To him from whom you brought them. [Exeunt.] Scene VII. Another room in the Castle. [Enter King and Laertes.] King. Now must your conscience my acquittance seal, And you must put me in your heart for friend, Sith you have heard, and with a knowing ear, That he which hath your noble father slain Pursu'd my life. Laer. It well appears:--but tell me Why you proceeded not against these feats, So crimeful and so capital in nature, As by your safety, wisdom, all things else, You mainly were stirr'd up. King. O, for two special reasons; Which may to you, perhaps, seem much unsinew'd, But yet to me they are strong. The queen his mother Lives almost by his looks; and for myself,-- My virtue or my plague, be it either which,-- She's so conjunctive to my life and soul, That, as the star moves not but in his sphere, I could not but by her. The other motive, Why to a public count I might not go, Is the great love the general gender bear him; Who, dipping all his faults in their affection, Would, like the spring that turneth wood to stone, Convert his gyves to graces; so that my arrows, Too slightly timber'd for so loud a wind, Would have reverted to my bow again, And not where I had aim'd them. Laer. And so have I a noble father lost; A sister driven into desperate terms,-- Whose worth, if praises may go back again, Stood challenger on mount of all the age For her perfections:--but my revenge will come. King. Break not your sleeps for that:--you must not think That we are made of stuff so flat and dull That we can let our beard be shook with danger, And think it pastime. You shortly shall hear more: I lov'd your father, and we love ourself; And that, I hope, will teach you to imagine,-- [Enter a Messenger.] How now! What news? Mess. Letters, my lord, from Hamlet: This to your majesty; this to the queen. King. From Hamlet! Who brought them? Mess. Sailors, my lord, they say; I saw them not: They were given me by Claudio:--he receiv'd them Of him that brought them. King. Laertes, you shall hear them. Leave us. [Exit Messenger.] [Reads]'High and mighty,--You shall know I am set naked on your kingdom. To-morrow shall I beg leave to see your kingly eyes: when I shall, first asking your pardon thereunto, recount the occasions of my sudden and more strange return. HAMLET.' What should this mean? Are all the rest come back? Or is it some abuse, and no such thing? Laer. Know you the hand? King. 'Tis Hamlet's character:--'Naked!'-- And in a postscript here, he says 'alone.' Can you advise me? Laer. I am lost in it, my lord. But let him come; It warms the very sickness in my heart That I shall live and tell him to his teeth, 'Thus didest thou.' King. If it be so, Laertes,-- As how should it be so? how otherwise?-- Will you be rul'd by me? Laer. Ay, my lord; So you will not o'errule me to a peace. King. To thine own peace. If he be now return'd-- As checking at his voyage, and that he means No more to undertake it,--I will work him To exploit, now ripe in my device, Under the which he shall not choose but fall: And for his death no wind shall breathe; But even his mother shall uncharge the practice And call it accident. Laer. My lord, I will be rul'd; The rather if you could devise it so That I might be the organ. King. It falls right. You have been talk'd of since your travel much, And that in Hamlet's hearing, for a quality Wherein they say you shine: your sum of parts Did not together pluck such envy from him As did that one; and that, in my regard, Of the unworthiest siege. Laer. What part is that, my lord? King. A very riband in the cap of youth, Yet needful too; for youth no less becomes The light and careless livery that it wears Than settled age his sables and his weeds, Importing health and graveness.--Two months since, Here was a gentleman of Normandy,-- I've seen myself, and serv'd against, the French, And they can well on horseback: but this gallant Had witchcraft in't: he grew unto his seat; And to such wondrous doing brought his horse, As had he been incorps'd and demi-natur'd With the brave beast: so far he topp'd my thought That I, in forgery of shapes and tricks, Come short of what he did. Laer. A Norman was't? King. A Norman. Laer. Upon my life, Lamond. King. The very same. Laer. I know him well: he is the brooch indeed And gem of all the nation. King. He made confession of you; And gave you such a masterly report For art and exercise in your defence, And for your rapier most especially, That he cried out, 'twould be a sight indeed If one could match you: the scrimers of their nation He swore, had neither motion, guard, nor eye, If you oppos'd them. Sir, this report of his Did Hamlet so envenom with his envy That he could nothing do but wish and beg Your sudden coming o'er, to play with him. Now, out of this,-- Laer. What out of this, my lord? King. Laertes, was your father dear to you? Or are you like the painting of a sorrow, A face without a heart? Laer. Why ask you this? King. Not that I think you did not love your father; But that I know love is begun by time, And that I see, in passages of proof, Time qualifies the spark and fire of it. There lives within the very flame of love A kind of wick or snuff that will abate it; And nothing is at a like goodness still; For goodness, growing to a plurisy, Dies in his own too much: that we would do, We should do when we would; for this 'would' changes, And hath abatements and delays as many As there are tongues, are hands, are accidents; And then this 'should' is like a spendthrift sigh, That hurts by easing. But to the quick o' the ulcer:-- Hamlet comes back: what would you undertake To show yourself your father's son in deed More than in words? Laer. To cut his throat i' the church. King. No place, indeed, should murder sanctuarize; Revenge should have no bounds. But, good Laertes, Will you do this, keep close within your chamber. Hamlet return'd shall know you are come home: We'll put on those shall praise your excellence And set a double varnish on the fame The Frenchman gave you; bring you in fine together And wager on your heads: he, being remiss, Most generous, and free from all contriving, Will not peruse the foils; so that with ease, Or with a little shuffling, you may choose A sword unbated, and, in a pass of practice, Requite him for your father. Laer. I will do't: And for that purpose I'll anoint my sword. I bought an unction of a mountebank, So mortal that, but dip a knife in it, Where it draws blood no cataplasm so rare, Collected from all simples that have virtue Under the moon, can save the thing from death This is but scratch'd withal: I'll touch my point With this contagion, that, if I gall him slightly, It may be death. King. Let's further think of this; Weigh what convenience both of time and means May fit us to our shape: if this should fail, And that our drift look through our bad performance. 'Twere better not assay'd: therefore this project Should have a back or second, that might hold If this did blast in proof. Soft! let me see:-- We'll make a solemn wager on your cunnings,-- I ha't: When in your motion you are hot and dry,-- As make your bouts more violent to that end,-- And that he calls for drink, I'll have prepar'd him A chalice for the nonce; whereon but sipping, If he by chance escape your venom'd stuck, Our purpose may hold there. [Enter Queen.] How now, sweet queen! Queen. One woe doth tread upon another's heel, So fast they follow:--your sister's drown'd, Laertes. Laer. Drown'd! O, where? Queen. There is a willow grows aslant a brook, That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream; There with fantastic garlands did she come Of crowflowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples, That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them. There, on the pendant boughs her coronet weeds Clamb'ring to hang, an envious sliver broke; When down her weedy trophies and herself Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide; And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up; Which time she chaunted snatches of old tunes; As one incapable of her own distress, Or like a creature native and indu'd Unto that element: but long it could not be Till that her garments, heavy with their drink, Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay To muddy death. Laer. Alas, then she is drown'd? Queen. Drown'd, drown'd. Laer. Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia, And therefore I forbid my tears: but yet It is our trick; nature her custom holds, Let shame say what it will: when these are gone, The woman will be out.--Adieu, my lord: I have a speech of fire, that fain would blaze, But that this folly douts it. [Exit.] King. Let's follow, Gertrude; How much I had to do to calm his rage! Now fear I this will give it start again; Therefore let's follow. [Exeunt.] ACT V. Scene I. A churchyard. [Enter two Clowns, with spades, &c.] 1 Clown. Is she to be buried in Christian burial when she wilfully seeks her own salvation? 2 Clown. I tell thee she is; and therefore make her grave straight: the crowner hath sat on her, and finds it Christian burial. 1 Clown. How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defence? 2 Clown. Why, 'tis found so. 1 Clown. It must be se offendendo; it cannot be else. For here lies the point: if I drown myself wittingly, it argues an act: and an act hath three branches; it is to act, to do, and to perform: argal, she drowned herself wittingly. 2 Clown. Nay, but hear you, goodman delver,-- 1 Clown. Give me leave. Here lies the water; good: here stands the man; good: if the man go to this water and drown himself, it is, will he, nill he, he goes,--mark you that: but if the water come to him and drown him, he drowns not himself; argal, he that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life. 2 Clown. But is this law? 1 Clown. Ay, marry, is't--crowner's quest law. 2 Clown. Will you ha' the truth on't? If this had not been a gentlewoman, she should have been buried out o' Christian burial. 1 Clown. Why, there thou say'st: and the more pity that great folk should have countenance in this world to drown or hang themselves more than their even Christian.--Come, my spade. There is no ancient gentlemen but gardeners, ditchers, and grave-makers: they hold up Adam's profession. 2 Clown. Was he a gentleman? 1 Clown. He was the first that ever bore arms. 2 Clown. Why, he had none. 1 Clown. What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the Scripture? The Scripture says Adam digg'd: could he dig without arms? I'll put another question to thee: if thou answerest me not to the purpose, confess thyself,-- 2 Clown. Go to. 1 Clown. What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter? 2 Clown. The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants. 1 Clown. I like thy wit well, in good faith: the gallows does well; but how does it well? it does well to those that do ill: now, thou dost ill to say the gallows is built stronger than the church; argal, the gallows may do well to thee. To't again, come. 2 Clown. Who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or a carpenter? 1 Clown. Ay, tell me that, and unyoke. 2 Clown. Marry, now I can tell. 1 Clown. To't. 2 Clown. Mass, I cannot tell. [Enter Hamlet and Horatio, at a distance.] 1 Clown. Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull ass will not mend his pace with beating; and when you are asked this question next, say 'a grave-maker;' the houses he makes last till doomsday. Go, get thee to Yaughan; fetch me a stoup of liquor. [Exit Second Clown.] [Digs and sings.] In youth when I did love, did love, Methought it was very sweet; To contract, O, the time for, ah, my behove, O, methought there was nothing meet. Ham. Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he sings at grave-making? Hor. Custom hath made it in him a property of easiness. Ham. 'Tis e'en so: the hand of little employment hath the daintier sense. 1 Clown. [Sings.] But age, with his stealing steps, Hath claw'd me in his clutch, And hath shipp'd me intil the land, As if I had never been such. [Throws up a skull.] Ham. That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once: how the knave jowls it to the ground,as if 'twere Cain's jawbone, that did the first murder! This might be the pate of a politician, which this ass now o'erreaches; one that would circumvent God, might it not? Hor. It might, my lord. Ham. Or of a courtier, which could say 'Good morrow, sweet lord! How dost thou, good lord?' This might be my lord such-a-one, that praised my lord such-a-one's horse when he meant to beg it,--might it not? Hor. Ay, my lord. Ham. Why, e'en so: and now my Lady Worm's; chapless, and knocked about the mazard with a sexton's spade: here's fine revolution, an we had the trick to see't. Did these bones cost no more the breeding but to play at loggets with 'em? mine ache to think on't. 1 Clown. [Sings.] A pickaxe and a spade, a spade, For and a shrouding sheet; O, a pit of clay for to be made For such a guest is meet. [Throws up another skull]. Ham. There's another: why may not that be the skull of a lawyer? Where be his quiddits now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? why does he suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of his action of battery? Hum! This fellow might be in's time a great buyer of land, with his statutes, his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers, his recoveries: is this the fine of his fines, and the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine dirt? will his vouchers vouch him no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than the length and breadth of a pair of indentures? The very conveyances of his lands will scarcely lie in this box; and must the inheritor himself have no more, ha? Hor. Not a jot more, my lord. Ham. Is not parchment made of sheep-skins? Hor. Ay, my lord, And of calf-skins too. Ham. They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance in that. I will speak to this fellow.--Whose grave's this, sir? 1 Clown. Mine, sir. [Sings.] O, a pit of clay for to be made For such a guest is meet. Ham. I think it be thine indeed, for thou liest in't. 1 Clown. You lie out on't, sir, and therefore 'tis not yours: for my part, I do not lie in't, yet it is mine. Ham. Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say it is thine: 'tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest. 1 Clown. 'Tis a quick lie, sir; 't will away again from me to you. Ham. What man dost thou dig it for? 1 Clown. For no man, sir. Ham. What woman then? 1 Clown. For none neither. Ham. Who is to be buried in't? 1 Clown. One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she's dead. Ham. How absolute the knave is! We must speak by the card, or equivocation will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, these three years I have taken note of it, the age is grown so picked that the toe of the peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier he galls his kibe.--How long hast thou been a grave-maker? 1 Clown. Of all the days i' the year, I came to't that day that our last King Hamlet overcame Fortinbras. Ham. How long is that since? 1 Clown. Cannot you tell that? every fool can tell that: it was the very day that young Hamlet was born,--he that is mad, and sent into England. Ham. Ay, marry, why was be sent into England? 1 Clown. Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his wits there; or, if he do not, it's no great matter there. Ham. Why? 1 Clown. 'Twill not he seen in him there; there the men are as mad as he. Ham. How came he mad? 1 Clown. Very strangely, they say. Ham. How strangely? 1 Clown. Faith, e'en with losing his wits. Ham. Upon what ground? 1 Clown. Why, here in Denmark: I have been sexton here, man and boy, thirty years. Ham. How long will a man lie i' the earth ere he rot? 1 Clown. Faith, if he be not rotten before he die,--as we have many pocky corses now-a-days that will scarce hold the laying in,--he will last you some eight year or nine year: a tanner will last you nine year. Ham. Why he more than another? 1 Clown. Why, sir, his hide is so tann'd with his trade that he will keep out water a great while; and your water is a sore decayer of your whoreson dead body. Here's a skull now; this skull hath lain in the earth three-and-twenty years. Ham. Whose was it? 1 Clown. A whoreson, mad fellow's it was: whose do you think it was? Ham. Nay, I know not. 1 Clown. A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! 'a pour'd a flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same skull, sir, was Yorick's skull, the king's jester. Ham. This? 1 Clown. E'en that. Ham. Let me see. [Takes the skull.] Alas, poor Yorick!--I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kiss'd I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Now, get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that.--Pr'ythee, Horatio, tell me one thing. Hor. What's that, my lord? Ham. Dost thou think Alexander looked o' this fashion i' the earth? Hor. E'en so. Ham. And smelt so? Pah! [Throws down the skull.] Hor. E'en so, my lord. Ham. To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till he find it stopping a bung-hole? Hor. 'Twere to consider too curiously to consider so. Ham. No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam whereto he was converted might they not stop a beer-barrel? Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay, Might stop a hole to keep the wind away. O, that that earth which kept the world in awe Should patch a wall to expel the winter's flaw! But soft! but soft! aside!--Here comes the king. [Enter priests, &c, in procession; the corpse of Ophelia, Laertes, and Mourners following; King, Queen, their Trains, &c.] The queen, the courtiers: who is that they follow? And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken The corse they follow did with desperate hand Fordo it own life: 'twas of some estate. Couch we awhile and mark. [Retiring with Horatio.] Laer. What ceremony else? Ham. That is Laertes, A very noble youth: mark. Laer. What ceremony else? 1 Priest. Her obsequies have been as far enlarg'd As we have warranties: her death was doubtful; And, but that great command o'ersways the order, She should in ground unsanctified have lodg'd Till the last trumpet; for charitable prayers, Shards, flints, and pebbles should be thrown on her, Yet here she is allowed her virgin rites, Her maiden strewments, and the bringing home Of bell and burial. Laer. Must there no more be done? 1 Priest. No more be done; We should profane the service of the dead To sing a requiem and such rest to her As to peace-parted souls. Laer. Lay her i' the earth;-- And from her fair and unpolluted flesh May violets spring!--I tell thee, churlish priest, A ministering angel shall my sister be When thou liest howling. Ham. What, the fair Ophelia? Queen. Sweets to the sweet: farewell. [Scattering flowers.] I hop'd thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife; I thought thy bride-bed to have deck'd, sweet maid, And not have strew'd thy grave. Laer. O, treble woe Fall ten times treble on that cursed head Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense Depriv'd thee of!--Hold off the earth awhile, Till I have caught her once more in mine arms: [Leaps into the grave.] Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead, Till of this flat a mountain you have made, To o'ertop old Pelion or the skyish head Of blue Olympus. Ham. [Advancing.] What is he whose grief Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand Like wonder-wounded hearers? this is I, Hamlet the Dane. [Leaps into the grave.] Laer. The devil take thy soul! [Grappling with him.] Ham. Thou pray'st not well. I pr'ythee, take thy fingers from my throat; For, though I am not splenetive and rash, Yet have I in me something dangerous, Which let thy wiseness fear: away thy hand! King. Pluck them asunder. Queen. Hamlet! Hamlet! All. Gentlemen!-- Hor. Good my lord, be quiet. [The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave.] Ham. Why, I will fight with him upon this theme Until my eyelids will no longer wag. Queen. O my son, what theme? Ham. I lov'd Ophelia; forty thousand brothers Could not, with all their quantity of love, Make up my sum.--What wilt thou do for her? King. O, he is mad, Laertes. Queen. For love of God, forbear him! Ham. 'Swounds, show me what thou'lt do: Woul't weep? woul't fight? woul't fast? woul't tear thyself? Woul't drink up eisel? eat a crocodile? I'll do't.--Dost thou come here to whine? To outface me with leaping in her grave? Be buried quick with her, and so will I: And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw Millions of acres on us, till our ground, Singeing his pate against the burning zone, Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth, I'll rant as well as thou. Queen. This is mere madness: And thus a while the fit will work on him; Anon, as patient as the female dove, When that her golden couplets are disclos'd, His silence will sit drooping. Ham. Hear you, sir; What is the reason that you use me thus? I lov'd you ever: but it is no matter; Let Hercules himself do what he may, The cat will mew, and dog will have his day. [Exit.] King. I pray thee, good Horatio, wait upon him.-- [Exit Horatio.] [To Laertes] Strengthen your patience in our last night's speech; We'll put the matter to the present push.-- Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.-- This grave shall have a living monument: An hour of quiet shortly shall we see; Till then in patience our proceeding be. [Exeunt.] Scene II. A hall in the Castle. [Enter Hamlet and Horatio.] Ham. So much for this, sir: now let me see the other; You do remember all the circumstance? Hor. Remember it, my lord! Ham. Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting That would not let me sleep: methought I lay Worse than the mutinies in the bilboes. Rashly, And prais'd be rashness for it,--let us know, Our indiscretion sometime serves us well, When our deep plots do fail; and that should teach us There's a divinity that shapes our ends, Rough-hew them how we will. Hor. That is most certain. Ham. Up from my cabin, My sea-gown scarf'd about me, in the dark Grop'd I to find out them: had my desire; Finger'd their packet; and, in fine, withdrew To mine own room again: making so bold, My fears forgetting manners, to unseal Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio, O royal knavery! an exact command,-- Larded with many several sorts of reasons, Importing Denmark's health, and England's too, With, ho! such bugs and goblins in my life,-- That, on the supervise, no leisure bated, No, not to stay the grinding of the axe, My head should be struck off. Hor. Is't possible? Ham. Here's the commission: read it at more leisure. But wilt thou bear me how I did proceed? Hor. I beseech you. Ham. Being thus benetted round with villanies,-- Or I could make a prologue to my brains, They had begun the play,--I sat me down; Devis'd a new commission; wrote it fair: I once did hold it, as our statists do, A baseness to write fair, and labour'd much How to forget that learning; but, sir, now It did me yeoman's service. Wilt thou know The effect of what I wrote? Hor. Ay, good my lord. Ham. An earnest conjuration from the king,-- As England was his faithful tributary; As love between them like the palm might flourish; As peace should still her wheaten garland wear And stand a comma 'tween their amities; And many such-like as's of great charge,-- That, on the view and know of these contents, Without debatement further, more or less, He should the bearers put to sudden death, Not shriving-time allow'd. Hor. How was this seal'd? Ham. Why, even in that was heaven ordinant. I had my father's signet in my purse, Which was the model of that Danish seal: Folded the writ up in the form of the other; Subscrib'd it: gave't the impression; plac'd it safely, The changeling never known. Now, the next day Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent Thou know'st already. Hor. So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't. Ham. Why, man, they did make love to this employment; They are not near my conscience; their defeat Does by their own insinuation grow: 'Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes Between the pass and fell incensed points Of mighty opposites. Hor. Why, what a king is this! Ham. Does it not, thinks't thee, stand me now upon,-- He that hath kill'd my king, and whor'd my mother; Popp'd in between the election and my hopes; Thrown out his angle for my proper life, And with such cozenage--is't not perfect conscience To quit him with this arm? and is't not to be damn'd To let this canker of our nature come In further evil? Hor. It must be shortly known to him from England What is the issue of the business there. Ham. It will be short: the interim is mine; And a man's life is no more than to say One. But I am very sorry, good Horatio, That to Laertes I forgot myself; For by the image of my cause I see The portraiture of his: I'll court his favours: But, sure, the bravery of his grief did put me Into a towering passion. Hor. Peace; who comes here? [Enter Osric.] Osr. Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark. Ham. I humbly thank you, sir. Dost know this water-fly? Hor. No, my good lord. Ham. Thy state is the more gracious; for 'tis a vice to know him. He hath much land, and fertile: let a beast be lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at the king's mess; 'tis a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt. Osr. Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I should impart a thing to you from his majesty. Ham. I will receive it with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use; 'tis for the head. Osr. I thank your lordship, t'is very hot. Ham. No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly. Osr. It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed. Ham. Methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion. Osr. Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry,--as 'twere--I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head. Sir, this is the matter,-- Ham. I beseech you, remember,-- [Hamlet moves him to put on his hat.] Osr. Nay, in good faith; for mine ease, in good faith. Sir, here is newly come to court Laertes; believe me, an absolute gentleman, full of most excellent differences, of very soft society and great showing: indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the card or calendar of gentry; for you shall find in him the continent of what part a gentleman would see. Ham. Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you;--though, I know, to divide him inventorially would dizzy the arithmetic of memory, and yet but yaw neither, in respect of his quick sail. But, in the verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of great article, and his infusion of such dearth and rareness as, to make true diction of him, his semblable is his mirror, and who else would trace him, his umbrage, nothing more. Osr. Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him. Ham. The concernancy, sir? why do we wrap the gentleman in our more rawer breath? Osr. Sir? Hor. Is't not possible to understand in another tongue? You will do't, sir, really. Ham. What imports the nomination of this gentleman? Osr. Of Laertes? Hor. His purse is empty already; all's golden words are spent. Ham. Of him, sir. Osr. I know, you are not ignorant,-- Ham. I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you did, it would not much approve me.--Well, sir. Osr. You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is,-- Ham. I dare not confess that, lest I should compare with him in excellence; but to know a man well were to know himself. Osr. I mean, sir, for his weapon; but in the imputation laid on him by them, in his meed he's unfellowed. Ham. What's his weapon? Osr. Rapier and dagger. Ham. That's two of his weapons:--but well. Osr. The king, sir, hath wager'd with him six Barbary horses: against the which he has imponed, as I take it, six French rapiers and poniards, with their assigns, as girdle, hangers, and so: three of the carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberal conceit. Ham. What call you the carriages? Hor. I knew you must be edified by the margent ere you had done. Osr. The carriages, sir, are the hangers. Ham. The phrase would be more german to the matter if we could carry cannon by our sides. I would it might be hangers till then. But, on: six Barbary horses against six French swords, their assigns, and three liberal conceited carriages: that's the French bet against the Danish: why is this all imponed, as you call it? Osr. The king, sir, hath laid that, in a dozen passes between your and him, he shall not exceed you three hits: he hath laid on twelve for nine; and it would come to immediate trial if your lordship would vouchsafe the answer. Ham. How if I answer no? Osr. I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial. Ham. Sir, I will walk here in the hall: if it please his majesty, it is the breathing time of day with me: let the foils be brought, the gentleman willing, and the king hold his purpose, I will win for him if I can; if not, I will gain nothing but my shame and the odd hits. Osr. Shall I re-deliver you e'en so? Ham. To this effect, sir; after what flourish your nature will. Osr. I commend my duty to your lordship. Ham. Yours, yours. [Exit Osric.] He does well to commend it himself; there are no tongues else for's turn. Hor. This lapwing runs away with the shell on his head. Ham. He did comply with his dug before he suck'd it. Thus has he,--and many more of the same bevy that I know the drossy age dotes on,-- only got the tune of the time and outward habit of encounter; a kind of yesty collection, which carries them through and through the most fanned and winnowed opinions; and do but blow them to their trial, the bubbles are out, [Enter a Lord.] Lord. My lord, his majesty commended him to you by young Osric, who brings back to him that you attend him in the hall: he sends to know if your pleasure hold to play with Laertes, or that you will take longer time. Ham. I am constant to my purposes; they follow the king's pleasure: if his fitness speaks, mine is ready; now or whensoever, provided I be so able as now. Lord. The King and Queen and all are coming down. Ham. In happy time. Lord. The queen desires you to use some gentle entertainment to Laertes before you fall to play. Ham. She well instructs me. [Exit Lord.] Hor. You will lose this wager, my lord. Ham. I do not think so; since he went into France I have been in continual practice: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all's here about my heart: but it is no matter. Hor. Nay, good my lord,-- Ham. It is but foolery; but it is such a kind of gain-giving as would perhaps trouble a woman. Hor. If your mind dislike anything, obey it: I will forestall their repair hither, and say you are not fit. Ham. Not a whit, we defy augury: there's a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he leaves, what is't to leave betimes? [Enter King, Queen, Laertes, Lords, Osric, and Attendants with foils &c.] King. Come, Hamlet, come, and take this hand from me. [The King puts Laertes' hand into Hamlet's.] Ham. Give me your pardon, sir: I have done you wrong: But pardon't, as you are a gentleman. This presence knows, and you must needs have heard, How I am punish'd with sore distraction. What I have done That might your nature, honour, and exception Roughly awake, I here proclaim was madness. Was't Hamlet wrong'd Laertes? Never Hamlet: If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away, And when he's not himself does wrong Laertes, Then Hamlet does it not, Hamlet denies it. Who does it, then? His madness: if't be so, Hamlet is of the faction that is wrong'd; His madness is poor Hamlet's enemy. Sir, in this audience, Let my disclaiming from a purpos'd evil Free me so far in your most generous thoughts That I have shot my arrow o'er the house And hurt my brother. Laer. I am satisfied in nature, Whose motive, in this case, should stir me most To my revenge. But in my terms of honour I stand aloof; and will no reconcilement Till by some elder masters of known honour I have a voice and precedent of peace To keep my name ungor'd. But till that time I do receive your offer'd love like love, And will not wrong it. Ham. I embrace it freely; And will this brother's wager frankly play.-- Give us the foils; come on. Laer. Come, one for me. Ham. I'll be your foil, Laertes; in mine ignorance Your skill shall, like a star in the darkest night, Stick fiery off indeed. Laer. You mock me, sir. Ham. No, by this hand. King. Give them the foils, young Osric. Cousin Hamlet, You know the wager? Ham. Very well, my lord; Your grace has laid the odds o' the weaker side. King. I do not fear it; I have seen you both; But since he's better'd, we have therefore odds. Laer. This is too heavy, let me see another. Ham. This likes me well. These foils have all a length? [They prepare to play.] Osr. Ay, my good lord. King. Set me the stoups of wine upon that table,-- If Hamlet give the first or second hit, Or quit in answer of the third exchange, Let all the battlements their ordnance fire; The king shall drink to Hamlet's better breath; And in the cup an union shall he throw, Richer than that which four successive kings In Denmark's crown have worn. Give me the cups; And let the kettle to the trumpet speak, The trumpet to the cannoneer without, The cannons to the heavens, the heavens to earth, 'Now the king drinks to Hamlet.'--Come, begin:-- And you, the judges, bear a wary eye. Ham. Come on, sir. Laer. Come, my lord. [They play.] Ham. One. Laer. No. Ham. Judgment! Osr. A hit, a very palpable hit. Laer. Well;--again. King. Stay, give me drink.--Hamlet, this pearl is thine; Here's to thy health.-- [Trumpets sound, and cannon shot off within.] Give him the cup. Ham. I'll play this bout first; set it by awhile.-- Come.--Another hit; what say you? [They play.] Laer. A touch, a touch, I do confess. King. Our son shall win. Queen. He's fat, and scant of breath.-- Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows: The queen carouses to thy fortune, Hamlet. Ham. Good madam! King. Gertrude, do not drink. Queen. I will, my lord; I pray you pardon me. King. [Aside.] It is the poison'd cup; it is too late. Ham. I dare not drink yet, madam; by-and-by. Queen. Come, let me wipe thy face. Laer. My lord, I'll hit him now. King. I do not think't. Laer. [Aside.] And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience. Ham. Come, for the third, Laertes: you but dally; I pray you pass with your best violence: I am afeard you make a wanton of me. Laer. Say you so? come on. [They play.] Osr. Nothing, neither way. Laer. Have at you now! [Laertes wounds Hamlet; then, in scuffling, they change rapiers, and Hamlet wounds Laertes.] King. Part them; they are incens'd. Ham. Nay, come again! [The Queen falls.] Osr. Look to the queen there, ho! Hor. They bleed on both sides.--How is it, my lord? Osr. How is't, Laertes? Laer. Why, as a woodcock to my own springe, Osric; I am justly kill'd with mine own treachery. Ham. How does the Queen? King. She swoons to see them bleed. Queen. No, no! the drink, the drink!--O my dear Hamlet!-- The drink, the drink!--I am poison'd. [Dies.] Ham. O villany!--Ho! let the door be lock'd: Treachery! seek it out. [Laertes falls.] Laer. It is here, Hamlet: Hamlet, thou art slain; No medicine in the world can do thee good; In thee there is not half an hour of life; The treacherous instrument is in thy hand, Unbated and envenom'd: the foul practice Hath turn'd itself on me; lo, here I lie, Never to rise again: thy mother's poison'd: I can no more:--the king, the king's to blame. Ham. The point envenom'd too!-- Then, venom, to thy work. [Stabs the King.] Osric and Lords. Treason! treason! King. O, yet defend me, friends! I am but hurt. Ham. Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane, Drink off this potion.--Is thy union here? Follow my mother. [King dies.] Laer. He is justly serv'd; It is a poison temper'd by himself.-- Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet: Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me! [Dies.] Ham. Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.-- I am dead, Horatio.--Wretched queen, adieu!-- You that look pale and tremble at this chance, That are but mutes or audience to this act, Had I but time,--as this fell sergeant, death, Is strict in his arrest,--O, I could tell you,-- But let it be.--Horatio, I am dead; Thou liv'st; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied. Hor. Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane.-- Here's yet some liquor left. Ham. As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup; let go; by heaven, I'll have't.-- O good Horatio, what a wounded name, Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me! If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart, Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story.-- [March afar off, and shot within.] What warlike noise is this? Osr. Young Fortinbras, with conquest come from Poland, To the ambassadors of England gives This warlike volley. Ham. O, I die, Horatio; The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit: I cannot live to hear the news from England; But I do prophesy the election lights On Fortinbras: he has my dying voice; So tell him, with the occurrents, more and less, Which have solicited.--the rest is silence. [Dies.] Hor. Now cracks a noble heart.--Good night, sweet prince, And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest! Why does the drum come hither? [March within.] [Enter Fortinbras, the English Ambassadors, and others.] Fort. Where is this sight? Hor. What is it you will see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search. Fort. This quarry cries on havoc.--O proud death, What feast is toward in thine eternal cell, That thou so many princes at a shot So bloodily hast struck? 1 Ambassador. The sight is dismal; And our affairs from England come too late: The ears are senseless that should give us hearing, To tell him his commandment is fulfill'd That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead: Where should we have our thanks? Hor. Not from his mouth, Had it the ability of life to thank you: He never gave commandment for their death. But since, so jump upon this bloody question, You from the Polack wars, and you from England, Are here arriv'd, give order that these bodies High on a stage be placed to the view; And let me speak to the yet unknowing world How these things came about: so shall you hear Of carnal, bloody and unnatural acts; Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters; Of deaths put on by cunning and forc'd cause; And, in this upshot, purposes mistook Fall'n on the inventors' heads: all this can I Truly deliver. Fort. Let us haste to hear it, And call the noblest to the audience. For me, with sorrow I embrace my fortune: I have some rights of memory in this kingdom, Which now, to claim my vantage doth invite me. Hor. Of that I shall have also cause to speak, And from his mouth whose voice will draw on more: But let this same be presently perform'd, Even while men's minds are wild: lest more mischance On plots and errors happen. Fort. Let four captains Bear Hamlet like a soldier to the stage; For he was likely, had he been put on, To have prov'd most royally: and, for his passage, The soldiers' music and the rites of war Speak loudly for him.-- Take up the bodies.--Such a sight as this Becomes the field, but here shows much amiss. Go, bid the soldiers shoot. [A dead march.] [Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after the which a peal of ordnance is shot off.] Text: Cover by William Morris Hunt, 1864. All rights reserved. Publication Date: April 20th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

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William Shakespeare Macbeth Persons Represented DUNCAN, King of Scotland. MALCOLM, his Son. DONALBAIN, his Son. MACBETH, General in the King's Army. BANQUO, General in the King's Army. MACDUFF, Nobleman of Scotland. LENNOX, Nobleman of Scotland. ROSS, Nobleman of Scotland. MENTEITH, Nobleman of Scotland. ANGUS, Nobleman of Scotland. CAITHNESS, Nobleman of Scotland. FLEANCE, Son to Banquo. SIWARD, Earl of Northumberland, General of the English Forces. YOUNG SIWARD, his Son. SEYTON, an Officer attending on Macbeth. BOY, Son to Macduff. An English Doctor. A Scotch Doctor. A Soldier. A Porter. An Old Man. LADY MACBETH. LADY MACDUFF. Gentlewoman attending on Lady Macbeth. HECATE,and three Witches. Lords, Gentlemen, Officers, Soldiers, Murderers, Attendants, and Messengers. The Ghost of Banquo and several other Apparitions. SCENE: In the end of the Fourth Act, in England; through the rest of the Play, in Scotland; and chiefly at Macbeth's Castle. ACT I. SCENE I. An open Place. Thunder and Lightning. [Enter three Witches.] FIRST WITCH. When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain? SECOND WITCH. When the hurlyburly's done, When the battle's lost and won. THIRD WITCH. That will be ere the set of sun. FIRST WITCH. Where the place? SECOND WITCH. Upon the heath. THIRD WITCH. There to meet with Macbeth. FIRST WITCH. I come, Graymalkin! ALL. Paddock calls: - anon: - Fair is foul, and foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air. [Witches vanish.] SCENE II. A Camp near Forres. [Alarum within. Enter King Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Lennox, with Attendants, meeting a bleeding Soldier.] DUNCAN. What bloody man is that? He can report, As seemeth by his plight, of the revolt The newest state. MALCOLM. This is the sergeant Who, like a good and hardy soldier, fought 'Gainst my captivity. - Hail, brave friend! Say to the king the knowledge of the broil As thou didst leave it. SOLDIER. Doubtful it stood; As two spent swimmers that do cling together And choke their art. The merciless Macdonwald, - Worthy to be a rebel, - for to that The multiplying villainies of nature Do swarm upon him, - from the Western isles Of kerns and gallowglasses is supplied; And fortune, on his damned quarrel smiling, Show'd like a rebel's whore. But all's too weak; For brave Macbeth, - well he deserves that name, - Disdaining fortune, with his brandish'd steel, Which smok'd with bloody execution, Like valor's minion, Carv'd out his passag tTill he fac'd the slave; And ne'er shook hands, nor bade farewell to him, Till he unseam'd him from the nave to the chaps, And fix'd his head upon our battlements. DUNCAN. O valiant cousin! worthy gentleman! SOLDIER. As whence the sun 'gins his reflection Shipwrecking storms and direful thunders break; So from that spring, whence comfort seem'd to come Discomfort swells. Mark, King of Scotland, mark: No sooner justice had, with valor arm'd, Compell'd these skipping kerns to trust their heels, But the Norweyan lord, surveying vantage, With furbish'd arms and new supplies of men, Began a fresh assault. DUNCAN. Dismay'd not this Our captains, Macbeth and Banquo? SOLDIER. Yes; As sparrows eagles, or the hare the lion. If I say sooth, I must report they were As cannons overcharg'd with double cracks; So they Doubly redoubled strokes upon the foe: Except they meant to bathe in reeking wounds, Or memorize another Golgotha, I cannot tell: - But I am faint; my gashes cry for help. DUNCAN. So well thy words become thee as thy wounds; They smack of honor both. - Go, get him surgeons. [Exit Soldier, attended.] Who comes here? MALCOLM. The worthy Thane of Ross. LENNOX. What a haste looks through his eyes! So should he look That seems to speak things strange. [Enter Ross.] ROSS. God save the King! DUNCAN. Whence cam'st thou, worthy thane? ROSS. From Fife, great king; Where the Norweyan banners flout the sky And fan our people cold. Norway himself, with terrible numbers, Assisted by that most disloyal traitor The Thane of Cawdor, began a dismal conflict; Till that Bellona's bridegroom, lapp'd in proof, Confronted him with self-comparisons, Point against point rebellious, arm 'gainst arm, Curbing his lavish spirit: and, to conclude, The victory fell on us. DUNCAN. Great happiness! ROSS. That now Sweno, the Norways' king, craves composition; Nor would we deign him burial of his men Till he disbursed, at Saint Colme's-inch, Ten thousand dollars to our general use. DUNCAN. No more that Thane of Cawdor shall deceive Our bosom interest: - go pronounce his present death, And with his former title greet Macbeth. ROSS. I'll see it done. DUNCAN. What he hath lost, noble Macbeth hath won. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. A heath. [Thunder. Enter the three Witches.] FIRST WITCH. Where hast thou been, sister? SECOND WITCH. Killing swine. THIRD WITCH. Sister, where thou? FIRST WITCH. A sailor's wife had chestnuts in her lap, And mounch'd, and mounch'd, and mounch'd: - "Give me," quoth I: "Aroint thee, witch!" the rump-fed ronyon cries. Her husband's to Aleppo gone, master o' the Tiger: But in a sieve I'll thither sail, And, like a rat without a tail, I'll do, I'll do, and I'll do. SECOND WITCH. I'll give thee a wind. FIRST WITCH. Thou art kind. THIRD WITCH. And I another. FIRST WITCH. I myself have all the other: And the very ports they blow, All the quarters that they know I' the shipman's card. I will drain him dry as hay: Sleep shall neither night nor day Hang upon his pent-house lid; He shall live a man forbid: Weary seven-nights nine times nine Shall he dwindle, peak, and pine: Though his bark cannot be lost, Yet it shall be tempest-tost. - Look what I have. SECOND WITCH. Show me, show me. FIRST WITCH. Here I have a pilot's thumb, Wreck'd as homeward he did come. [Drum within.] THIRD WITCH. A drum, a drum! Macbeth doth come. ALL. The weird sisters, hand in hand, Posters of the sea and land, Thus do go about, about: Thrice to thine, and thrice to mine, And thrice again, to make up nine: - Peace! - the charm's wound up. [Enter Macbeth and Banquo.] MACBETH. So foul and fair a day I have not seen. BANQUO. How far is't call'd to Forres? - What are these So wither'd, and so wild in their attire, That look not like the inhabitants o' the earth, And yet are on't? - Live you? or are you aught That man may question? You seem to understand me, By each at once her chappy finger laying Upon her skinny lips: - you should be women, And yet your beards forbid me to interpret That you are so. MACBETH. Speak, if you can; - what are you? FIRST WITCH. All hail, Macbeth! hail to thee, Thane of Glamis! SECOND WITCH. All hail, Macbeth! hail to thee, Thane of Cawdor! THIRD WITCH. All hail, Macbeth! that shalt be king hereafter! BANQUO. Good sir, why do you start; and seem to fear Things that do sound so fair? - I' the name of truth, Are ye fantastical, or that indeed Which outwardly ye show? My noble partner You greet with present grace and great prediction Of noble having and of royal hope, That he seems rapt withal: - to me you speak not: If you can look into the seeds of time, And say which grain will grow, and which will not, Speak then to me, who neither beg nor fear Your favors nor your hate. FIRST WITCH. Hail! SECOND WITCH. Hail! THIRD WITCH. Hail! FIRST WITCH. Lesser than Macbeth, and greater. SECOND WITCH. Not so happy, yet much happier. THIRD WITCH. Thou shalt get kings, though thou be none: So all hail, Macbeth and Banquo! FIRST WITCH. Banquo and Macbeth, all hail! MACBETH. Stay, you imperfect speakers, tell me more: By Sinel's death I know I am Thane of Glamis; But how of Cawdor? The Thane of Cawdor lives, A prosperous gentleman; and to be king Stands not within the prospect of belief, No more than to be Cawdor. Say from whence You owe this strange intelligence? or why Upon this blasted heath you stop our way With such prophetic greeting? - Speak, I charge you. [Witches vanish.] BANQUO. The earth hath bubbles, as the water has, And these are of them: - whither are they vanish'd? MACBETH. Into the air; and what seem'd corporal melted As breath into the wind. - Would they had stay'd! BANQUO. Were such things here as we do speak about? Or have we eaten on the insane root That takes the reason prisoner? MACBETH. Your children shall be kings. BANQUO. You shall be king. MACBETH. And Thane of Cawdor too; went it not so? BANQUO. To the selfsame tune and words. Who's here? [Enter Ross and Angus.] ROSS. The king hath happily receiv'd, Macbeth, The news of thy success: and when he reads Thy personal venture in the rebels' fight, His wonders and his praises do contend Which should be thine or his: silenc'd with that, In viewing o'er the rest o' the self-same day, He finds thee in the stout Norweyan ranks, Nothing afeard of what thyself didst make, Strange images of death. As thick as hail Came post with post; and every one did bear Thy praises in his kingdom's great defense, And pour'd them down before him. ANGUS. We are sent To give thee, from our royal master, thanks; Only to herald thee into his sight, Not pay thee. ROSS. And, for an earnest of a greater honor, He bade me, from him, call thee Thane of Cawdor: In which addition, hail, most worthy thane, For it is thine. BANQUO. What, can the devil speak true? MACBETH. The Thane of Cawdor lives: why do you dress me In borrow'd robes? ANGUS. Who was the Thane lives yet; But under heavy judgement bears that life Which he deserves to lose. Whether he was combin'd With those of Norway, or did line the rebel With hidden help and vantage, or that with both He labour'd in his country's wreck, I know not; But treasons capital, confess'd and proved, Have overthrown him. MACBETH. [Aside.] Glamis, and Thane of Cawdor: The greatest is behind. - Thanks for your pains. - Do you not hope your children shall be kings, When those that gave the Thane of Cawdor to me Promis'd no less to them? BANQUO. That, trusted home, Might yet enkindle you unto the crown, Besides the Thane of Cawdor. But 'tis strange: And oftentimes to win us to our harm, The instruments of darkness tell us truths; Win us with honest trifles, to betray's In deepest consequence. - Cousins, a word, I pray you. MACBETH. [Aside.] Two truths are told, As happy prologues to the swelling act Of the imperial theme. - I thank you, gentlemen. - [Aside.] This supernatural soliciting Cannot be ill; cannot be good: - if ill, Why hath it given me earnest of success, Commencing in a truth? I am Thane of Cawdor: If good, why do I yield to that suggestion Whose horrid image doth unfix my hair, And make my seated heart knock at my ribs, Against the use of nature? Present fears Are less than horrible imaginings: My thought, whose murder yet is but fantastical, Shakes so my single state of man, that function Is smother'd in surmise; and nothing is But what is not. BANQUO. Look, how our partner's rapt. MACBETH. [Aside.] If chance will have me king, why, chance may crown me Without my stir. BANQUO. New honors come upon him, Like our strange garments, cleave not to their mould But with the aid of use. MACBETH. [Aside.] Come what come may, Time and the hour runs through the roughest day. BANQUO. Worthy Macbeth, we stay upon your leisure. MACBETH. Give me your favor: - my dull brain was wrought With things forgotten. Kind gentlemen, your pains Are register'd where every day I turn The leaf to read them. - Let us toward the king. - Think upon what hath chanc'd; and, at more time, The interim having weigh'd it, let us speak Our free hearts each to other. BANQUO. Very gladly. MACBETH. Till then, enough. - Come, friends. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Forres. A Room in the Palace. [Flourish. Enter Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Lennox, and Attendants.] DUNCAN. Is execution done on Cawdor? Are not Those in commission yet return'd? MALCOLM. My liege, They are not yet come back. But I have spoke With one that saw him die: who did report, That very frankly he confess'd his treasons; Implor'd your highness' pardon; and set forth A deep repentance: nothing in his life Became him like the leaving it; he died As one that had been studied in his death, To throw away the dearest thing he ow'd As 'twere a careless trifle. DUNCAN. There's no art To find the mind's construction in the face: He was a gentleman on whom I built An absolute trust. - [Enter Macbeth, Banquo, Ross, and Angus.] O worthiest cousin! The sin of my ingratitude even now Was heavy on me: thou art so far before, That swiftest wing of recompense is slow To overtake thee. Would thou hadst less deserv'd; That the proportion both of thanks and payment Might have been mine! only I have left to say, More is thy due than more than all can pay. MACBETH. The service and the loyalty I owe, In doing it, pays itself. Your highness' part Is to receive our duties: and our duties Are to your throne and state, children and servants; Which do but what they should, by doing everything Safe toward your love and honor. DUNCAN. Welcome hither: I have begun to plant thee, and will labor To make thee full of growing. - Noble Banquo, That hast no less deserv'd, nor must be known No less to have done so,let me infold thee And hold thee to my heart. BANQUO. There if I grow, The harvest is your own. DUNCAN. My plenteous joys, Wanton in fulness, seek to hide themselves In drops of sorrow. - Sons, kinsmen, thanes, And you whose places are the nearest, know, We will establish our estate upon Our eldest, Malcolm; whom we name hereafter The Prince of Cumberland: which honor must Not unaccompanied invest him only, But signs of nobleness, like stars, shall shine On all deservers. - From hence to Inverness, And bind us further to you. MACBETH. The rest is labor, which is not us'd for you: I'll be myself the harbinger, and make joyful The hearing of my wife with your approach; So, humbly take my leave. DUNCAN. My worthy Cawdor! MACBETH. [Aside.] The Prince of Cumberland! - That is a step, On which I must fall down, or else o'erleap, For in my way it lies. Stars, hide your fires! Let not light see my black and deep desires: The eye wink at the hand! yet let that be, Which the eye fears, when it is done, to see. [Exit.] DUNCAN. True, worthy Banquo! - he is full so valiant; And in his commendations I am fed, - It is a banquet to me. Let us after him, Whose care is gone before to bid us welcome: It is a peerless kinsman. [Flourish. Exeunt.] SCENE V. Inverness. A Room in Macbeth's Castle. [Enter Lady Macbeth, reading a letter.] LADY MACBETH. "They met me in the day of success; and I have learned by the perfectest report they have more in them than mortal knowledge. When I burned in desire to question them further, they made themselves air, into which they vanished. Whiles I stood rapt in the wonder of it, came missives from the king, who all-hailed me, 'Thane of Cawdor'; by which title, before, these weird sisters saluted me, and referred me to the coming on of time, with 'Hail, king that shalt be!' This have I thought good to deliver thee, my dearest partner of greatness; that thou mightst not lose the dues of rejoicing, by being ignorant of what greatness is promised thee. Lay it to thy heart, and farewell." Glamis thou art, and Cawdor; and shalt be What thou art promis'd; yet do I fear thy nature; It is too full o' the milk of human kindness To catch the nearest way: thou wouldst be great; Art not without ambition; but without The illness should attend it. What thou wouldst highly, That wouldst thou holily; wouldst not play false, And yet wouldst wrongly win: thou'dst have, great Glamis, That which cries, "Thus thou must do, if thou have it: And that which rather thou dost fear to do Than wishest should be undone." Hie thee hither, That I may pour my spirits in thine ear; And chastise with the valor of my tongue All that impedes thee from the golden round, Which fate and metaphysical aid doth seem To have thee crown'd withal. [Enter an Attendant.] What is your tidings? ATTENDANT. The king comes here tonight. LADY MACBETH. Thou'rt mad to say it: Is not thy master with him? who, were't so, Would have inform'd for preparation. ATTENDANT. So please you, it is true: - our thane is coming: One of my fellows had the speed of him; Who, almost dead for breath, had scarcely more Than would make up his message. LADY MACBETH. Give him tending; He brings great news. [Exit Attendant.] The raven himself is hoarse That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan Under my battlements. Come, you spirits That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here; And fill me, from the crown to the toe, top-full Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood, Stop up the access and passage to remorse, That no compunctious visitings of nature Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between The effect and it! Come to my woman's breasts, And take my milk for gall, your murdering ministers, Wherever in your sightless substances You wait on nature's mischief! Come, thick night, And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell That my keen knife see not the wound it makes Nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark To cry, "Hold, hold!" [Enter Macbeth.] Great Glamis! Worthy Cawdor! Greater than both, by the all-hail hereafter! Thy letters have transported me beyond This ignorant present, and I feel now The future in the instant. MACBETH. My dearest love, Duncan comes here tonight. LADY MACBETH. And when goes hence? MACBETH. To-morrow, - as he purposes. LADY MACBETH. O, never Shall sun that morrow see! Your face, my thane, is as a book where men May read strange matters: - to beguile the time, Look like the time; bear welcome in your eye, Your hand, your tongue: look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under't. He that's coming Must be provided for: and you shall put This night's great business into my despatch; Which shall to all our nights and days to come Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom. MACBETH. We will speak further. LADY MACBETH. Only look up clear; To alter favor ever is to fear: Leave all the rest to me. [Exeunt.] SCENE VI. The same. Before the Castle. [Hautboys. Servants of Macbeth attending.] [Enter Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Banquo, Lennox, Macduff, Ross, Angus, and Attendants.] DUNCAN. This castle hath a pleasant seat: the air Nimbly and sweetly recommends itself Unto our gentle senses. BANQUO. This guest of summer, The temple-haunting martlet, does approve By his lov'd mansionry, that the heaven's breath Smells wooingly here: no jutty, frieze, buttress, Nor coigne of vantage, but this bird hath made His pendant bed and procreant cradle: Where they most breed and haunt, I have observ'd The air is delicate. [Enter Lady Macbeth.] DUNCAN. See, see, our honour'd hostess! - The love that follows us sometime is our trouble, Which still we thank as love. Herein I teach you How you shall bid God ild us for your pains, And thank us for your trouble. LADY MACBETH. All our service In every point twice done, and then done double, Were poor and single business to contend Against those honours deep and broad wherewith Your majesty loads our house: for those of old, And the late dignities heap'd up to them, We rest your hermits. DUNCAN. Where's the Thane of Cawdor? We cours'd him at the heels, and had a purpose To be his purveyor: but he rides well; And his great love, sharp as his spur, hath holp him To his home before us. Fair and noble hostess, We are your guest tonight. LADY MACBETH. Your servants ever Have theirs, themselves, and what is theirs, in compt, To make their audit at your highness' pleasure, Still to return your own. DUNCAN. Give me your hand; Conduct me to mine host: we love him highly, And shall continue our graces towards him. By your leave, hostess. [Exeunt.] SCENE VII. The same. A Lobby in the Castle. [Hautboys and torches. Enter, and pass over, a Sewer and divers Servants with dishes and service. Then enter Macbeth.] MACBETH. If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well It were done quickly. If the assassination Could trammel up the consequence, and catch, With his surcease, success; that but this blow Might be the be-all and the end-all - here, But here, upon this bank and shoal of time, - We'd jump the life to come. But in these cases We still have judgement here; that we but teach Bloody instructions, which being taught, return To plague the inventor: this even-handed justice Commends the ingredients of our poison'd chalice To our own lips. He's here in double trust: First, as I am his kinsman and his subject, Strong both against the deed: then, as his host, Who should against his murderer shut the door, Not bear the knife myself. Besides, this Duncan Hath borne his faculties so meek, hath been So clear in his great office, that his virtues Will plead like angels, trumpet-tongued, against The deep damnation of his taking-off: And pity, like a naked new-born babe, Striding the blast, or heaven's cherubin, hors'd Upon the sightless couriers of the air, Shall blow the horrid deed in every eye, That tears shall drown the wind. - I have no spur To prick the sides of my intent, but only Vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself, And falls on the other. [Enter Lady Macbeth.] How now! what news? LADY MACBETH. He has almost supp'd: why have you left the chamber? MACBETH. Hath he ask'd for me? LADY MACBETH. Know you not he has? MACBETH. We will proceed no further in this business: He hath honour'd me of late; and I have bought Golden opinions from all sorts of people, Which would be worn now in their newest gloss, Not cast aside so soon. LADY MACBETH. Was the hope drunk Wherein you dress'd yourself? hath it slept since? And wakes it now, to look so green and pale At what it did so freely? From this time Such I account thy love. Art thou afeard To be the same in thine own act and valor As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life, And live a coward in thine own esteem; Letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would," Like the poor cat i' the adage? MACBETH. Pr'ythee, peace! I dare do all that may become a man; Who dares do more is none. LADY MACBETH. What beast was't, then, That made you break this enterprise to me? When you durst do it, then you were a man; And, to be more than what you were, you would Be so much more the man. Nor time nor place Did then adhere, and yet you would make both: They have made themselves, and that their fitness now Does unmake you. I have given suck, and know How tender 'tis to love the babe that milks me: I would, while it was smiling in my face, Have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums And dash'd the brains out, had I so sworn as you Have done to this. MACBETH. If we should fail? LADY MACBETH. We fail! But screw your courage to the sticking-place, And we'll not fail. When Duncan is asleep, - Whereto the rather shall his day's hard journey Soundly invite him, his two chamberlains Will I with wine and wassail so convince That memory, the warder of the brain, Shall be a fume, and the receipt of reason A limbec only: when in swinish sleep Their drenched natures lie as in a death, What cannot you and I perform upon The unguarded Duncan? what not put upon His spongy officers; who shall bear the guilt Of our great quell? MACBETH. Bring forth men-children only; For thy undaunted mettle should compose Nothing but males. Will it not be receiv'd, When we have mark'd with blood those sleepy two Of his own chamber, and us'd their very daggers, That they have don't? LADY MACBETH. Who dares receive it other, As we shall make our griefs and clamor roar Upon his death? MACBETH. I am settled, and bend up Each corporal agent to this terrible feat. Away, and mock the time with fairest show: False face must hide what the false heart doth know. [Exeunt.] ACT II. SCENE I. Inverness. Court within the Castle. [Enter Banquo, preceeded by Fleance with a torch.] BANQUO. How goes the night, boy? FLEANCE. The moon is down; I have not heard the clock. BANQUO. And she goes down at twelve. FLEANCE. I take't, 'tis later, sir. BANQUO. Hold, take my sword. - There's husbandry in heaven; Their candles are all out: - take thee that too. - A heavy summons lies like lead upon me, And yet I would not sleep: - merciful powers, Restrain in me the cursed thoughts that nature Gives way to in repose! - Give me my sword. Who's there? [Enter Macbeth, and a Servant with a torch.] MACBETH. A friend. BANQUO. What, sir, not yet at rest? The king's a-bed: He hath been in unusual pleasure and Sent forth great largess to your officers: This diamond he greets your wife withal, By the name of most kind hostess; and shut up In measureless content. MACBETH. Being unprepar'd, Our will became the servant to defect; Which else should free have wrought. BANQUO. All's well. I dreamt last night of the three weird sisters: To you they have show'd some truth. MACBETH. I think not of them: Yet, when we can entreat an hour to serve, We would spend it in some words upon that business, If you would grant the time. BANQUO. At your kind'st leisure. MACBETH. If you shall cleave to my consent, - when 'tis, It shall make honor for you. BANQUO. So I lose none In seeking to augment it, but still keep My bosom franchis'd, and allegiance clear, I shall be counsell'd. MACBETH. Good repose the while! BANQUO. Thanks, sir: the like to you! [Exeunt Banquo and Fleance.] MACBETH. Go bid thy mistress, when my drink is ready, She strike upon the bell. Get thee to bed. [Exit Servant.] Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee: - I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? or art thou but A dagger of the mind, a false creation, Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? I see thee yet, in form as palpable As this which now I draw. Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going; And such an instrument I was to use. Mine eyes are made the fools o' the other senses, Or else worth all the rest: I see thee still; And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood, Which was not so before. - There's no such thing: It is the bloody business which informs Thus to mine eyes. - Now o'er the one half-world Nature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuse The curtain'd sleep; now witchcraft celebrates Pale Hecate's offerings; and wither'd murder, Alarum'd by his sentinel, the wolf, Whose howl's his watch, thus with his stealthy pace, With Tarquin's ravishing strides, towards his design Moves like a ghost. - Thou sure and firm-set earth, Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear Thy very stones prate of my whereabout, And take the present horror from the time, Which now suits with it. - Whiles I threat, he lives; Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives. [A bell rings.] I go, and it is done; the bell invites me. Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell That summons thee to heaven or to hell. [Exit.] [Enter Lady Macbeth.] LADY MACBETH. That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold: What hath quench'd them hath given me fire. - Hark! - Peace! It was the owl that shriek'd, the fatal bellman, Which gives the stern'st good night. He is about it: The doors are open; and the surfeited grooms Do mock their charge with snores: I have drugg'd their possets That death and nature do contend about them, Whether they live or die. MACBETH. [Within.] Who's there? - what, ho! LADY MACBETH. Alack! I am afraid they have awak'd, And 'tis not done: the attempt, and not the deed, Confounds us. - Hark! - I laid their daggers ready; He could not miss 'em. - Had he not resembled My father as he slept, I had done't. - My husband! [Re-enter Macbeth.] MACBETH. I have done the deed. - Didst thou not hear a noise? LADY MACBETH. I heard the owl scream and the crickets cry. Did not you speak? MACBETH. When? LADY MACBETH. Now. MACBETH. As I descended? LADY MACBETH. Ay. MACBETH. Hark! - Who lies i' the second chamber? LADY MACBETH. Donalbain. MACBETH. This is a sorry sight. [Looking on his hands.] LADY MACBETH. A foolish thought, to say a sorry sight. MACBETH. There's one did laugh in's sleep, and one cried, "Murder!" That they did wake each other: I stood and heard them: But they did say their prayers, and address'd them Again to sleep. LADY MACBETH. There are two lodg'd together. MACBETH. One cried, "God bless us!" and, "Amen," the other; As they had seen me with these hangman's hands. Listening their fear, I could not say "Amen," When they did say, "God bless us." LADY MACBETH. Consider it not so deeply. MACBETH. But wherefore could not I pronounce "Amen"? I had most need of blessing, and "Amen" Stuck in my throat. LADY MACBETH. These deeds must not be thought After these ways; so, it will make us mad. MACBETH. I heard a voice cry, "Sleep no more! Macbeth does murder sleep," - the innocent sleep; Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of care, The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath, Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, Chief nourisher in life's feast. LADY MACBETH. What do you mean? MACBETH. Still it cried, "Sleep no more!" to all the house: "Glamis hath murder'd sleep, and therefore Cawdor Shall sleep no more, - Macbeth shall sleep no more!" LADY MACBETH. Who was it that thus cried? Why, worthy thane, You do unbend your noble strength to think So brainsickly of things. - Go get some water, And wash this filthy witness from your hand. - Why did you bring these daggers from the place? They must lie there: go carry them; and smear The sleepy grooms with blood. MACBETH. I'll go no more: I am afraid to think what I have done; Look on't again I dare not. LADY MACBETH. Infirm of purpose! Give me the daggers: the sleeping and the dead Are but as pictures: 'tis the eye of childhood That fears a painted devil. If he do bleed, I'll gild the faces of the grooms withal, For it must seem their guilt. [Exit. Knocking within.] MACBETH. Whence is that knocking? How is't with me, when every noise appals me? What hands are here? Ha, they pluck out mine eyes! Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood Clean from my hand? No; this my hand will rather The multitudinous seas incarnadine, Making the green one red. [Re-enter Lady Macbeth.] LADY MACBETH. My hands are of your color, but I shame To wear a heart so white. [Knocking within.] I hear knocking At the south entry: - retire we to our chamber. A little water clears us of this deed: How easy is it then! Your constancy Hath left you unattended. - [Knocking within.] Hark, more knocking: Get on your nightgown, lest occasion call us And show us to be watchers: - be not lost So poorly in your thoughts. MACBETH. To know my deed, 'twere best not know myself. [Knocking within.] Wake Duncan with thy knocking! I would thou couldst! [Exeunt.] [Enter a Porter. Knocking within.] PORTER. Here's a knocking indeed! If a man were porter of hell-gate, he should have old turning the key. [Knocking.] Knock, knock, knock. Who's there, i' the name of Belzebub? Here's a farmer that hanged himself on the expectation of plenty: come in time; have napkins enow about you; here you'll sweat for't. - [Knocking.] Knock, knock! Who's there, in the other devil's name? Faith, here's an equivocator, that could swear in both the scales against either scale, who committed treason enough for God's sake, yet could not equivocate to heaven: O, come in, equivocator. [Knocking.] Knock, knock, knock! Who's there? Faith, here's an English tailor come hither, for stealing out of a French hose: come in, tailor; here you may roast your goose. - [Knocking.] Knock, knock: never at quiet! What are you? - But this place is too cold for hell. I'll devil-porter it no further: I had thought to have let in some of all professions, that go the primrose way to the everlasting bonfire. [Knocking.] Anon, anon! I pray you, remember the porter. [Opens the gate.] [Enter Macduff and Lennox.] MACDUFF. Was it so late, friend, ere you went to bed, That you do lie so late? PORTER. Faith, sir, we were carousing till the second cock: and drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things. MACDUFF. What three things does drink especially provoke? PORTER. Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes and unprovokes; it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance: therefore much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and not stand to: in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and giving him the lie, leaves him. MACDUFF. I believe drink gave thee the lie last night. PORTER. That it did, sir, i' the very throat o' me; but I requited him for his lie; and, I think, being too strong for him, though he took up my legs sometime, yet I made a shift to cast him. MACDUFF. Is thy master stirring? - Our knocking has awak'd him; here he comes. [Enter Macbeth.] LENNOX. Good morrow, noble sir! MACBETH. Good morrow, both! MACDUFF. Is the king stirring, worthy thane? MACBETH. Not yet. MACDUFF. He did command me to call timely on him: I have almost slipp'd the hour. MACBETH. I'll bring you to him. MACDUFF. I know this is a joyful trouble to you; But yet 'tis one. MACBETH. The labour we delight in physics pain. This is the door. MACDUFF. I'll make so bold to call. For 'tis my limited service. [Exit Macduff.] LENNOX. Goes the king hence to-day? MACBETH. He does: he did appoint so. LENNOX. The night has been unruly: where we lay, Our chimneys were blown down: and, as they say, Lamentings heard i' the air, strange screams of death; And prophesying, with accents terrible, Of dire combustion and confus'd events, New hatch'd to the woeful time: the obscure bird Clamour'd the live-long night; some say the earth Was feverous, and did shake. MACBETH. 'Twas a rough night. LENNOX. My young remembrance cannot parallel A fellow to it. [Re-enter Macduff.] MACDUFF. O horror, horror, horror! Tongue nor heart Cannot conceive nor name thee! MACBETH, LENNOX. What's the matter? MACDUFF. Confusion now hath made his masterpiece! Most sacrilegious murder hath broke ope The Lord's anointed temple, and stole thence The life o' the building. MACBETH. What is't you say? the life? LENNOX. Mean you his majesty? MACDUFF. Approach the chamber, and destroy your sight With a new Gorgon: - do not bid me speak; See, and then speak yourselves. [Exeunt Macbeth and Lennox.] Awake, awake! - Ring the alarum bell: - murder and treason! Banquo and Donalbain! Malcolm! awake! Shake off this downy sleep, death's counterfeit, And look on death itself! up, up, and see The great doom's image! Malcolm! Banquo! As from your graves rise up, and walk like sprites To countenance this horror! [Alarum-bell rings.] [Re-enter Lady Macbeth.] LADY MACBETH. What's the business, That such a hideous trumpet calls to parley The sleepers of the house? speak, speak! MACDUFF. O gentle lady, 'Tis not for you to hear what I can speak: The repetition, in a woman's ear, Would murder as it fell. [Re-enter Banquo.] O Banquo, Banquo! Our royal master's murder'd! LADY MACBETH. Woe, alas! What, in our house? BANQUO. Too cruel any where. - Dear Duff, I pr'ythee, contradict thyself, And say it is not so. [Re-enter Macbeth and Lennox, with Ross.] MACBETH. Had I but died an hour before this chance, I had liv'd a blessed time; for, from this instant There's nothing serious in mortality: All is but toys: renown and grace is dead; The wine of life is drawn, and the mere lees Is left this vault to brag of. [Enter Malcolm and Donalbain.] DONALBAIN. What is amiss? MACBETH. You are, and do not know't: The spring, the head, the fountain of your blood Is stopp'd; the very source of it is stopp'd. MACDUFF. Your royal father's murder'd. MALCOLM. O, by whom? LENNOX. Those of his chamber, as it seem'd, had done't: Their hands and faces were all badg'd with blood; So were their daggers, which, unwip'd, we found Upon their pillows: They star'd, and were distracted; no man's life Was to be trusted with them. MACBETH. O, yet I do repent me of my fury, That I did kill them. MACDUFF. Wherefore did you so? MACBETH. Who can be wise, amaz'd, temperate, and furious, Loyal and neutral, in a moment? No man: The expedition of my violent love Outrun the pauser reason. Here lay Duncan, His silver skin lac'd with his golden blood; And his gash'd stabs look'd like a breach in nature For ruin's wasteful entrance: there, the murderers, Steep'd in the colours of their trade, their daggers Unmannerly breech'd with gore: who could refrain, That had a heart to love, and in that heart Courage to make's love known? LADY MACBETH. Help me hence, ho! MACDUFF. Look to the lady. MALCOLM. Why do we hold our tongues, That most may claim this argument for ours? DONALBAIN. What should be spoken here, where our fate, Hid in an auger hole, may rush, and seize us? Let's away; Our tears are not yet brew'd. MALCOLM. Nor our strong sorrow Upon the foot of motion. BANQUO. Look to the lady: - [Lady Macbeth is carried out.] And when we have our naked frailties hid, That suffer in exposure, let us meet, And question this most bloody piece of work To know it further. Fears and scruples shake us: In the great hand of God I stand; and thence, Against the undivulg'd pretense I fight Of treasonous malice. MACDUFF. And so do I. ALL. So all. MACBETH. Let's briefly put on manly readiness, And meet i' the hall together. ALL. Well contented. [Exeunt all but Malcolm and Donalbain.] MALCOLM. What will you do? Let's not consort with them: To show an unfelt sorrow is an office Which the false man does easy. I'll to England. DONALBAIN. To Ireland, I; our separated fortune Shall keep us both the safer: where we are, There's daggers in men's smiles: the near in blood, The nearer bloody. MALCOLM. This murderous shaft that's shot Hath not yet lighted; and our safest way Is to avoid the aim. Therefore to horse; And let us not be dainty of leave-taking, But shift away: there's warrant in that theft Which steals itself, when there's no mercy left. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. The same. Without the Castle. [Enter Ross and an old Man.] OLD MAN. Threescore and ten I can remember well: Within the volume of which time I have seen Hours dreadful and things strange; but this sore night Hath trifled former knowings. ROSS. Ah, good father, Thou seest, the heavens, as troubled with man's act, Threaten his bloody stage: by the clock 'tis day, And yet dark night strangles the travelling lamp; Is't night's predominance, or the day's shame, That darkness does the face of earth entomb, When living light should kiss it? OLD MAN. 'Tis unnatural, Even like the deed that's done. On Tuesday last, A falcon, towering in her pride of place, Was by a mousing owl hawk'd at and kill'd. ROSS. And Duncan's horses, - a thing most strange and certain, - Beauteous and swift, the minions of their race, Turn'd wild in nature, broke their stalls, flung out, Contending 'gainst obedience, as they would make War with mankind. OLD MAN. 'Tis said they eat each other. ROSS. They did so; to the amazement of mine eyes, That look'd upon't. Here comes the good Macduff. [Enter Macduff.] How goes the world, sir, now? MACDUFF. Why, see you not? ROSS. Is't known who did this more than bloody deed? MACDUFF. Those that Macbeth hath slain. ROSS. Alas, the day! What good could they pretend? MACDUFF. They were suborn'd: Malcolm and Donalbain, the king's two sons, Are stol'n away and fled; which puts upon them Suspicion of the deed. ROSS. 'Gainst nature still: Thriftless ambition, that wilt ravin up Thine own life's means! - Then 'tis most like, The sovereignty will fall upon Macbeth. MACDUFF. He is already nam'd; and gone to Scone To be invested. ROSS. Where is Duncan's body? MACDUFF. Carried to Colme-kill, The sacred storehouse of his predecessors, And guardian of their bones. ROSS. Will you to Scone? MACDUFF. No, cousin, I'll to Fife. ROSS. Well, I will thither. MACDUFF. Well, may you see things well done there, - adieu! - Lest our old robes sit easier than our new! ROSS. Farewell, father. OLD MAN. God's benison go with you; and with those That would make good of bad, and friends of foes! [Exeunt.] ACT III. SCENE I. Forres. A Room in the Palace. [Enter Banquo.] BANQUO. Thou hast it now, - king, Cawdor, Glamis, all, As the weird women promis'd; and, I fear, Thou play'dst most foully for't; yet it was said It should not stand in thy posterity; But that myself should be the root and father Of many kings. If there come truth from them, - As upon thee, Macbeth, their speeches shine, - Why, by the verities on thee made good, May they not be my oracles as well, And set me up in hope? But hush; no more. [Sennet sounded. Enter Macbeth as King, Lady Macbeth as Queen; Lennox, Ross, Lords, Ladies, and Attendants.] MACBETH. Here's our chief guest. LADY MACBETH. If he had been forgotten, It had been as a gap in our great feast, And all-thing unbecoming. MACBETH. To-night we hold a solemn supper, sir, And I'll request your presence. BANQUO. Let your highness Command upon me; to the which my duties Are with a most indissoluble tie For ever knit. MACBETH. Ride you this afternoon? BANQUO. Ay, my good lord. MACBETH. We should have else desir'd your good advice, - Which still hath been both grave and prosperous, - In this day's council; but we'll take to-morrow. Is't far you ride? BANQUO. As far, my lord, as will fill up the time 'Twixt this and supper: go not my horse the better, I must become a borrower of the night, For a dark hour or twain. MACBETH. Fail not our feast. BANQUO. My lord, I will not. MACBETH. We hear our bloody cousins are bestow'd In England and in Ireland; not confessing Their cruel parricide, filling their hearers With strange invention: but of that to-morrow; When therewithal we shall have cause of state Craving us jointly. Hie you to horse: adieu, Till you return at night. Goes Fleance with you? BANQUO. Ay, my good lord: our time does call upon's. MACBETH. I wish your horses swift and sure of foot; And so I do commend you to their backs. Farewell. - [Exit Banquo.] Let every man be master of his time Till seven at night; to make society The sweeter welcome, we will keep ourself Till supper time alone: while then, God be with you! [Exeunt Lady Macbeth, Lords, Ladies, &c.] Sirrah, a word with you: attend those men Our pleasure? ATTENDANT. They are, my lord, without the palace gate. MACBETH. Bring them before us. [Exit Attendant.] To be thus is nothing; But to be safely thus: - our fears in Banquo. Stick deep; and in his royalty of nature Reigns that which would be fear'd: 'tis much he dares; And, to that dauntless temper of his mind, He hath a wisdom that doth guide his valour To act in safety. There is none but he Whose being I do fear: and under him, My genius is rebuk'd; as, it is said, Mark Antony's was by Caesar. He chid the sisters When first they put the name of king upon me, And bade them speak to him; then, prophet-like, They hail'd him father to a line of kings: Upon my head they plac'd a fruitless crown, And put a barren sceptre in my gripe, Thence to be wrench'd with an unlineal hand, No son of mine succeeding. If't be so, For Banquo's issue have I fil'd my mind; For them the gracious Duncan have I murder'd; Put rancours in the vessel of my peace Only for them; and mine eternal jewel Given to the common enemy of man, To make them kings, the seed of Banquo kings! Rather than so, come, fate, into the list, And champion me to the utterance! - Who's there? - [Re-enter Attendant, with two Murderers.] Now go to the door, and stay there till we call. [Exit Attendant.] Was it not yesterday we spoke together? FIRST MURDERER. It was, so please your highness. MACBETH. Well then, now Have you consider'd of my speeches? Know That it was he, in the times past, which held you So under fortune; which you thought had been Our innocent self: this I made good to you In our last conference, pass'd in probation with you How you were borne in hand, how cross'd, the instruments, Who wrought with them, and all things else that might To half a soul and to a notion craz'd Say, "Thus did Banquo." FIRST MURDERER. You made it known to us. MACBETH. I did so; and went further, which is now Our point of second meeting. Do you find Your patience so predominant in your nature, That you can let this go? Are you so gospell'd, To pray for this good man and for his issue, Whose heavy hand hath bow'd you to the grave, And beggar'd yours forever? FIRST MURDERER. We are men, my liege. MACBETH. Ay, in the catalogue ye go for men; As hounds, and greyhounds, mongrels, spaniels, curs, Shoughs, water-rugs, and demi-wolves are clept All by the name of dogs: the valu'd file Distinguishes the swift, the slow, the subtle, The house-keeper, the hunter, every one According to the gift which bounteous nature Hath in him clos'd; whereby he does receive Particular addition, from the bill That writes them all alike: and so of men. Now, if you have a station in the file, Not i' the worst rank of manhood, say it; And I will put that business in your bosoms, Whose execution takes your enemy off; Grapples you to the heart and love of us, Who wear our health but sickly in his life, Which in his death were perfect. SECOND MURDERER. I am one, my liege, Whom the vile blows and buffets of the world Have so incens'd that I am reckless what I do to spite the world. FIRST MURDERER. And I another, So weary with disasters, tugg'd with fortune, That I would set my life on any chance, To mend it or be rid on't. MACBETH. Both of you Know Banquo was your enemy. BOTH MURDERERS. True, my lord. MACBETH. So is he mine; and in such bloody distance, That every minute of his being thrusts Against my near'st of life; and though I could With barefac'd power sweep him from my sight, And bid my will avouch it, yet I must not, For certain friends that are both his and mine, Whose loves I may not drop, but wail his fall Who I myself struck down: and thence it is That I to your assistance do make love; Masking the business from the common eye For sundry weighty reasons. SECOND MURDERER. We shall, my lord, Perform what you command us. FIRST MURDERER. Though our lives - MACBETH. Your spirits shine through you. Within this hour at most, I will advise you where to plant yourselves; Acquaint you with the perfect spy o' the time, The moment on't; for't must be done to-night And something from the palace; always thought That I require a clearness; and with him, - To leave no rubs nor botches in the work, - Fleance his son, that keeps him company, Whose absence is no less material to me Than is his father's, must embrace the fate Of that dark hour. Resolve yourselves apart: I'll come to you anon. BOTH MURDERERS. We are resolv'd, my lord. MACBETH. I'll call upon you straight: abide within. [Exeunt Murderers.] It is concluded: - Banquo, thy soul's flight, If it find heaven, must find it out to-night. [Exit.] SCENE II. The same. Another Room in the Palace. [Enter Lady Macbeth and a Servant.] LADY MACBETH. Is Banquo gone from court? SERVANT. Ay, madam, but returns again to-night. LADY MACBETH. Say to the king, I would attend his leisure For a few words. SERVANT. Madam, I will. [Exit.] LADY MACBETH. Naught's had, all's spent, Where our desire is got without content: 'Tis safer to be that which we destroy, Than, by destruction, dwell in doubtful joy. [Enter Macbeth.] How now, my lord! why do you keep alone, Of sorriest fancies your companions making; Using those thoughts which should indeed have died With them they think on? Things without all remedy Should be without regard: what's done is done. MACBETH. We have scotch'd the snake, not kill'd it; She'll close, and be herself; whilst our poor malice Remains in danger of her former tooth. But let the frame of things disjoint, Both the worlds suffer, Ere we will eat our meal in fear, and sleep In the affliction of these terrible dreams That shake us nightly: better be with the dead, Whom we, to gain our peace, have sent to peace, Than on the torture of the mind to lie In restless ecstasy. Duncan is in his grave; After life's fitful fever he sleeps well; Treason has done his worst: nor steel, nor poison, Malice domestic, foreign levy, nothing, Can touch him further. LADY MACBETH. Come on; Gently my lord, sleek o'er your rugged looks; Be bright and jovial 'mong your guests to-night. MACBETH. So shall I, love; and so, I pray, be you: Let your remembrance apply to Banquo; Present him eminence, both with eye and tongue: Unsafe the while, that we Must lave our honors in these flattering streams; And make our faces vizards to our hearts, Disguising what they are. LADY MACBETH. You must leave this. MACBETH. O, full of scorpions is my mind, dear wife! Thou know'st that Banquo, and his Fleance, lives. LADY MACBETH. But in them nature's copy's not eterne. MACBETH. There's comfort yet; they are assailable; Then be thou jocund: ere the bat hath flown His cloister'd flight, ere to black Hecate's summons, The shard-borne beetle, with his drowsy hums, Hath rung night's yawning peal, there shall be done A deed of dreadful note. LADY MACBETH. What's to be done? MACBETH. Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest chuck, Till thou applaud the deed. Come, seeling night, Scarf up the tender eye of pitiful day; And with thy bloody and invisible hand Cancel and tear to pieces that great bond Which keeps me pale! - Light thickens; and the crow Makes wing to the rooky wood: Good things of day begin to droop and drowse; Whiles night's black agents to their preys do rouse. - Thou marvell'st at my words: but hold thee still; Things bad begun make strong themselves by ill: So, pr'ythee, go with me. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. The same. A Park or Lawn, with a gate leading to the Palace. [Enter three Murderers.] FIRST MURDERER. But who did bid thee join with us? THIRD MURDERER. Macbeth. SECOND MURDERER. He needs not our mistrust; since he delivers Our offices and what we have to do To the direction just. FIRST MURDERER. Then stand with us. The west yet glimmers with some streaks of day: Now spurs the lated traveller apace, To gain the timely inn; and near approaches The subject of our watch. THIRD MURDERER. Hark! I hear horses. BANQUO. [Within.] Give us a light there, ho! SECOND MURDERER. Then 'tis he; the rest That are within the note of expectation Already are i' the court. FIRST MURDERER. His horses go about. THIRD MURDERER. Almost a mile; but he does usually, So all men do, from hence to the palace gate Make it their walk. SECOND MURDERER. A light, a light! THIRD MURDERER. 'Tis he. FIRST MURDERER. Stand to't. [Enter Banquo, and Fleance with a torch.] BANQUO. It will be rain to-night. FIRST MURDERER. Let it come down. [Assaults Banquo.] BANQUO. O, treachery! Fly, good Fleance, fly, fly, fly! Thou mayst revenge. - O slave! [Dies. Fleance escapes.] THIRD MURDERER. Who did strike out the light? FIRST MURDERER. Was't not the way? THIRD MURDERER. There's but one down: the son is fled. SECOND MURDERER. We have lost best half of our affair. FIRST MURDERER. Well, let's away, and say how much is done. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. The same. A Room of state in the Palace. A banquet prepared. [Enter Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Ross, Lennox, Lords, and Attendants.] MACBETH. You know your own degrees: sit down. At first And last the hearty welcome. LORDS. Thanks to your majesty. MACBETH. Ourself will mingle with society, And play the humble host. Our hostess keeps her state; but, in best time, We will require her welcome. LADY MACBETH. Pronounce it for me, sir, to all our friends; For my heart speaks they are welcome. MACBETH. See, they encounter thee with their hearts' thanks. - Both sides are even: here I'll sit i' the midst: [Enter first Murderer to the door.] Be large in mirth; anon we'll drink a measure The table round. - There's blood upon thy face. MURDERER. 'Tis Banquo's then. MACBETH. 'Tis better thee without than he within. Is he despatch'd? MURDERER. My lord, his throat is cut; that I did for him. MACBETH. Thou art the best o' the cut-throats; yet he's good That did the like for Fleance: if thou didst it, Thou art the nonpareil. MURDERER. Most royal sir, Fleance is 'scap'd. MACBETH. Then comes my fit again: I had else been perfect; Whole as the marble, founded as the rock; As broad and general as the casing air: But now I am cabin'd, cribb'd, confin'd, bound in To saucy doubts and fears. But Banquo's safe? MURDERER. Ay, my good lord: safe in a ditch he bides, With twenty trenched gashes on his head; The least a death to nature. MACBETH. Thanks for that: There the grown serpent lies; the worm that's fled Hath nature that in time will venom breed, No teeth for the present. - Get thee gone; to-morrow We'll hear, ourselves, again. [Exit Murderer.] LADY MACBETH. My royal lord, You do not give the cheer: the feast is sold That is not often vouch'd, while 'tis a-making, 'Tis given with welcome; to feed were best at home; From thence the sauce to meat is ceremony; Meeting were bare without it. MACBETH. Sweet remembrancer! - Now, good digestion wait on appetite, And health on both! LENNOX. May't please your highness sit. [The Ghost of Banquo rises, and sits in Macbeth's place.] MACBETH. Here had we now our country's honor roof'd, Were the grac'd person of our Banquo present; Who may I rather challenge for unkindness Than pity for mischance! ROSS. His absence, sir, Lays blame upon his promise. Please't your highness To grace us with your royal company? MACBETH. The table's full. LENNOX. Here is a place reserv'd, sir. MACBETH. Where? LENNOX. Here, my good lord. What is't that moves your highness? MACBETH. Which of you have done this? LORDS. What, my good lord? MACBETH. Thou canst not say I did it: never shake Thy gory locks at me. ROSS. Gentlemen, rise; his highness is not well. LADY MACBETH. Sit, worthy friends: - my lord is often thus, And hath been from his youth: pray you, keep seat; The fit is momentary; upon a thought He will again be well: if much you note him, You shall offend him, and extend his passion: Feed, and regard him not. - Are you a man? MACBETH. Ay, and a bold one, that dare look on that Which might appal the devil. LADY MACBETH. O proper stuff! This is the very painting of your fear: This is the air-drawn dagger which, you said, Led you to Duncan. O, these flaws, and starts, - Impostors to true fear, - would well become A woman's story at a winter's fire, Authoriz'd by her grandam. Shame itself! Why do you make such faces? When all's done, You look but on a stool. MACBETH. Pr'ythee, see there! behold! look! lo! how say you? - Why, what care I? If thou canst nod, speak too. - If charnel houses and our graves must send Those that we bury back, our monuments Shall be the maws of kites. [Ghost disappears.] LADY MACBETH. What, quite unmann'd in folly? MACBETH. If I stand here, I saw him. LADY MACBETH. Fie, for shame! MACBETH. Blood hath been shed ere now, i' the olden time, Ere humane statute purg'd the gentle weal; Ay, and since too, murders have been perform'd Too terrible for the ear: the time has been, That, when the brains were out, the man would die, And there an end; but now they rise again, With twenty mortal murders on their crowns, And push us from our stools: this is more strange Than such a murder is. LADY MACBETH. My worthy lord, Your noble friends do lack you. MACBETH. I do forget: - Do not muse at me, my most worthy friends; I have a strange infirmity, which is nothing To those that know me. Come, love and health to all; Then I'll sit down. - Give me some wine, fill full. - I drink to the general joy o' the whole table, And to our dear friend Banquo, whom we miss: Would he were here! to all, and him, we thirst, And all to all. LORDS. Our duties, and the pledge. [Ghost rises again.] MACBETH. Avaunt! and quit my sight! let the earth hide thee! Thy bones are marrowless, thy blood is cold; Thou hast no speculation in those eyes Which thou dost glare with! LADY MACBETH. Think of this, good peers, But as a thing of custom: 'tis no other, Only it spoils the pleasure of the time. MACBETH. What man dare, I dare: Approach thou like the rugged Russian bear, The arm'd rhinoceros, or the Hyrcan tiger; Take any shape but that, and my firm nerves Shall never tremble: or be alive again, And dare me to the desert with thy sword; If trembling I inhabit then, protest me The baby of a girl. Hence, horrible shadow! Unreal mockery, hence! [Ghost disappears.] Why, so; - being gone, I am a man again. - Pray you, sit still. LADY MACBETH. You have displaced the mirth, broke the good meeting, With most admir'd disorder. MACBETH. Can such things be, And overcome us like a summer's cloud, Without our special wonder? You make me strange Even to the disposition that I owe, When now I think you can behold such sights, And keep the natural ruby of your cheeks, When mine are blanch'd with fear. ROSS. What sights, my lord? LADY MACBETH. I pray you, speak not; he grows worse and worse; Question enrages him: at once, good-night: - Stand not upon the order of your going, But go at once. LENNOX. Good-night; and better health Attend his majesty! LADY MACBETH. A kind good-night to all! [Exeunt all Lords and Atendants.] MACBETH. It will have blood; they say, blood will have blood: Stones have been known to move, and trees to speak; Augurs, and understood relations, have By magot-pies, and choughs, and rooks, brought forth The secret'st man of blood. - What is the night? LADY MACBETH. Almost at odds with morning, which is which. MACBETH. How say'st thou, that Macduff denies his person At our great bidding? LADY MACBETH. Did you send to him, sir? MACBETH. I hear it by the way; but I will send: There's not a one of them but in his house I keep a servant fee'd. I will to-morrow, (And betimes I will) to the weird sisters: More shall they speak; for now I am bent to know, By the worst means, the worst. For mine own good, All causes shall give way: I am in blood Step't in so far that, should I wade no more, Returning were as tedious as go o'er: Strange things I have in head, that will to hand; Which must be acted ere they may be scann'd. LADY MACBETH. You lack the season of all natures, sleep. MACBETH. Come, we'll to sleep. My strange and self-abuse Is the initiate fear that wants hard use: - We are yet but young in deed. [Exeunt.] SCENE V. The heath. [Thunder. Enter the three Witches, meeting Hecate.] FIRST WITCH. Why, how now, Hecate? you look angerly. HECATE. Have I not reason, beldams as you are, Saucy and overbold? How did you dare To trade and traffic with Macbeth In riddles and affairs of death; And I, the mistress of your charms, The close contriver of all harms, Was never call'd to bear my part, Or show the glory of our art? And, which is worse, all you have done Hath been but for a wayward son, Spiteful and wrathful; who, as others do, Loves for his own ends, not for you. But make amends now: get you gone, And at the pit of Acheron Meet me i' the morning: thither he Will come to know his destiny. Your vessels and your spells provide, Your charms, and everything beside. I am for the air; this night I'll spend Unto a dismal and a fatal end. Great business must be wrought ere noon: Upon the corner of the moon There hangs a vaporous drop profound; I'll catch it ere it come to ground: And that, distill'd by magic sleights, Shall raise such artificial sprites, As, by the strength of their illusion, Shall draw him on to his confusion: He shall spurn fate, scorn death, and bear His hopes 'bove wisdom, grace, and fear: And you all know, security Is mortals' chiefest enemy. [Music and song within, "Come away, come away" &c.] Hark! I am call'd; my little spirit, see, Sits in a foggy cloud and stays for me. [Exit.] FIRST WITCH. Come, let's make haste; she'll soon be back again. [Exeunt.] SCENE VI. Forres. A Room in the Palace. [Enter Lennox and another Lord.] LENNOX. My former speeches have but hit your thoughts, Which can interpret further: only, I say, Thing's have been strangely borne. The gracious Duncan Was pitied of Macbeth: - marry, he was dead: - And the right valiant Banquo walk'd too late; Whom, you may say, if't please you, Fleance kill'd, For Fleance fled. Men must not walk too late. Who cannot want the thought, how monstrous It was for Malcolm and for Donalbain To kill their gracious father? damned fact! How it did grieve Macbeth! did he not straight, In pious rage, the two delinquents tear That were the slaves of drink and thralls of sleep? Was not that nobly done? Ay, and wisely too; For 'twould have anger'd any heart alive, To hear the men deny't. So that, I say, He has borne all things well: and I do think, That had he Duncan's sons under his key, - As, an't please heaven, he shall not, - they should find What 'twere to kill a father; so should Fleance. But, peace! - for from broad words, and 'cause he fail'd His presence at the tyrant's feast, I hear, Macduff lives in disgrace. Sir, can you tell Where he bestows himself? LORD. The son of Duncan, From whom this tyrant holds the due of birth, Lives in the English court and is receiv'd Of the most pious Edward with such grace That the malevolence of fortune nothing Takes from his high respect: thither Macduff Is gone to pray the holy king, upon his aid To wake Northumberland, and warlike Siward: That, by the help of these, - with Him above To ratify the work, - we may again Give to our tables meat, sleep to our nights; Free from our feasts and banquets bloody knives; Do faithful homage, and receive free honours, - All which we pine for now: and this report Hath so exasperate the king that he Prepares for some attempt of war. LENNOX. Sent he to Macduff? LORD. He did: and with an absolute "Sir, not I," The cloudy messenger turns me his back, And hums, as who should say, "You'll rue the time That clogs me with this answer." LENNOX. And that well might Advise him to a caution, to hold what distance His wisdom can provide. Some holy angel Fly to the court of England, and unfold His message ere he come; that a swift blessing May soon return to this our suffering country Under a hand accurs'd! LORD. I'll send my prayers with him. [Exeunt.] ACT IV. SCENE I. A dark Cave. In the middle, a Caldron Boiling. [Thunder. Enter the three Witches.] FIRST WITCH. Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd. SECOND WITCH. Thrice; and once the hedge-pig whin'd. THIRD WITCH. Harpier cries: - "tis time, 'tis time. FIRST WITCH. Round about the caldron go; In the poison'd entrails throw. - Toad, that under cold stone, Days and nights has thirty-one Swelter'd venom sleeping got, Boil thou first i' the charmed pot! ALL. Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble. SECOND WITCH. Fillet of a fenny snake, In the caldron boil and bake; Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing, - For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. ALL. Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble. THIRD WITCH. Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf, Witch's mummy, maw and gulf Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark, Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark, Liver of blaspheming Jew, Gall of goat, and slips of yew Sliver'd in the moon's eclipse, Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips, Finger of birth-strangl'd babe Ditch-deliver'd by a drab, - Make the gruel thick and slab: Add thereto a tiger's chaudron, For the ingredients of our caldron. ALL. Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble. SECOND WITCH. Cool it with a baboon's blood, Then the charm is firm and good. [Enter Hecate.] HECATE. O, well done! I commend your pains; And everyone shall share i' the gains. And now about the cauldron sing, Like elves and fairies in a ring, Enchanting all that you put in. Song. Black spirits and white, red spirits and gray; Mingle, mingle, mingle, you that mingle may. [Exit Hecate.] SECOND WITCH. By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes: - Open, locks, whoever knocks! [Enter Macbeth.] MACBETH. How now, you secret, black, and midnight hags! What is't you do? ALL. A deed without a name. MACBETH. I conjure you, by that which you profess, - Howe'er you come to know it, - answer me: Though you untie the winds, and let them fight Against the churches; though the yesty waves Confound and swallow navigation up; Though bladed corn be lodg'd, and trees blown down; Though castles topple on their warders' heads; Though palaces and pyramids do slope Their heads to their foundations; though the treasure Of nature's germins tumble all together, Even till destruction sicken, - answer me To what I ask you. FIRST WITCH. Speak. SECOND WITCH. Demand. THIRD WITCH. We'll answer. FIRST WITCH. Say, if thou'dst rather hear it from our mouths, Or from our masters? MACBETH. Call 'em, let me see 'em. FIRST WITCH. Pour in sow's blood, that hath eaten Her nine farrow; grease that's sweaten From the murderer's gibbet throw Into the flame. ALL. Come, high or low; Thyself and office deftly show! [Thunder. An Apparition of an armed Head rises.] MACBETH. Tell me, thou unknown power, - FIRST WITCH. He knows thy thought: Hear his speech, but say thou naught. APPARITION. Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! Beware Macduff; Beware the Thane of Fife. - Dismiss me: - enough. [Descends.] MACBETH. Whate'er thou art, for thy good caution, thanks; Thou hast harp'd my fear aright: - but one word more, - FIRST WITCH. He will not be commanded: here's another, More potent than the first. [Thunder. An Apparition of a bloody Child rises.] APPARITION. - Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! MACBETH. Had I three ears, I'd hear thee. APPARITION. Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn The power of man, for none of woman born Shall harm Macbeth. [Descends.] MACBETH. Then live, Macduff: what need I fear of thee? But yet I'll make assurance double sure, And take a bond of fate: thou shalt not live; That I may tell pale-hearted fear it lies, And sleep in spite of thunder. - What is this, [Thunder. An Apparition of a Child crowned, with a tree in his hand, rises.] That rises like the issue of a king, And wears upon his baby brow the round And top of sovereignty? ALL. Listen, but speak not to't. APPARITION. Be lion-mettled, proud; and take no care Who chafes, who frets, or where conspirers are: Macbeth shall never vanquish'd be, until Great Birnam wood to high Dunsinane hill Shall come against him. [Descends.] MACBETH. That will never be: Who can impress the forest; bid the tree Unfix his earth-bound root? Sweet bodements, good! Rebellion's head, rise never till the wood Of Birnam rise, and our high-plac'd Macbeth Shall live the lease of nature, pay his breath To time and mortal custom. - Yet my heart Throbs to know one thing: tell me, - if your art Can tell so much, - shall Banquo's issue ever Reign in this kingdom? ALL. Seek to know no more. MACBETH. I will be satisfied: deny me this, And an eternal curse fall on you! Let me know: - Why sinks that cauldron? and what noise is this? [Hautboys.] FIRST WITCH. Show! SECOND WITCH. Show! THIRD WITCH. Show! ALL. Show his eyes, and grieve his heart; Come like shadows, so depart! [Eight kings appear, and pass over in order, the last with a glass in his hand; Banquo following.] MACBETH. Thou are too like the spirit of Banquo; down! Thy crown does sear mine eyeballs: - and thy hair, Thou other gold-bound brow, is like the first; - A third is like the former. - Filthy hags! Why do you show me this? - A fourth! - Start, eyes! What, will the line stretch out to the crack of doom? Another yet! - A seventh! - I'll see no more: - And yet the eighth appears, who bears a glass Which shows me many more; and some I see That twofold balls and treble sceptres carry: Horrible sight! - Now I see 'tis true; For the blood-bolter'd Banquo smiles upon me, And points at them for his. - What! is this so? FIRST WITCH. Ay, sir, all this is so: - but why Stands Macbeth thus amazedly? - Come,sisters, cheer we up his sprites, And show the best of our delights; I'll charm the air to give a sound, While you perform your antic round; That this great king may kindly say, Our duties did his welcome pay. [Music. The Witches dance, and then vanish.] MACBETH. Where are they? Gone? - Let this pernicious hour Stand aye accursed in the calendar! - Come in, without there! [Enter Lennox.] LENNOX. What's your grace's will? MACBETH. Saw you the weird sisters? LENNOX. No, my lord. MACBETH. Came they not by you? LENNOX. No indeed, my lord. MACBETH. Infected be the air whereon they ride; And damn'd all those that trust them! - I did hear The galloping of horse: who was't came by? LENNOX. 'Tis two or three, my lord, that bring you word Macduff is fled to England. MACBETH. Fled to England! LENNOX. Ay, my good lord. MACBETH. Time, thou anticipat'st my dread exploits: The flighty purpose never is o'ertook Unless the deed go with it: from this moment The very firstlings of my heart shall be The firstlings of my hand. And even now, To crown my thoughts with acts, be it thought and done: The castle of Macduff I will surprise; Seize upon Fife; give to the edge o' the sword His wife, his babes, and all unfortunate souls That trace him in his line. No boasting like a fool; This deed I'll do before this purpose cool: But no more sights! - Where are these gentlemen? Come, bring me where they are. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Fife. A Room in Macduff's Castle. [Enter Lady Macduff, her Son, and Ross.] LADY MACDUFF. What had he done, to make him fly the land? ROSS. You must have patience, madam. LADY MACDUFF. He had none: His flight was madness: when our actions do not, Our fears do make us traitors. ROSS. You know not Whether it was his wisdom or his fear. LADY MACDUFF. Wisdom! to leave his wife, to leave his babes, His mansion, and his titles, in a place From whence himself does fly? He loves us not: He wants the natural touch; for the poor wren, The most diminutive of birds, will fight, Her young ones in her nest, against the owl. All is the fear, and nothing is the love; As little is the wisdom, where the flight So runs against all reason. ROSS. My dearest coz, I pray you, school yourself: but, for your husband, He is noble, wise, Judicious, and best knows The fits o' the season. I dare not speak much further: But cruel are the times, when we are traitors, And do not know ourselves; when we hold rumour From what we fear, yet know not what we fear, But float upon a wild and violent sea Each way and move. - I take my leave of you: Shall not be long but I'll be here again: Things at the worst will cease, or else climb upward To what they were before. - My pretty cousin, Blessing upon you! LADY MACDUFF. Father'd he is, and yet he's fatherless. ROSS. I am so much a fool, should I stay longer, It would be my disgrace and your discomfort: I take my leave at once. [Exit.] LADY MACDUFF. Sirrah, your father's dead; And what will you do now? How will you live? SON. As birds do, mother. LADY MACDUFF. What, with worms and flies? SON. With what I get, I mean; and so do they. LADY MACDUFF. Poor bird! thou'dst never fear the net nor lime, The pit-fall nor the gin. SON. Why should I, mother? Poor birds they are not set for. My father is not dead, for all your saying. LADY MACDUFF. Yes, he is dead: how wilt thou do for father? SON. Nay, how will you do for a husband? LADY MACDUFF. Why, I can buy me twenty at any market. SON. Then you'll buy 'em to sell again. LADY MACDUFF. Thou speak'st with all thy wit; and yet, i' faith, With wit enough for thee. SON. Was my father a traitor, mother? LADY MACDUFF. Ay, that he was. SON. What is a traitor? LADY MACDUFF. Why, one that swears and lies. SON. And be all traitors that do so? LADY MACDUFF. Everyone that does so is a traitor, and must be hanged. SON. And must they all be hanged that swear and lie? LADY MACDUFF. Every one. SON. Who must hang them? LADY MACDUFF. Why, the honest men. SON. Then the liars and swearers are fools: for there are liars and swearers enow to beat the honest men and hang up them. LADY MACDUFF. Now, God help thee, poor monkey! But how wilt thou do for a father? SON. If he were dead, you'ld weep for him: if you would not, it were a good sign that I should quickly have a new father. LADY MACDUFF. Poor prattler, how thou talk'st! [Enter a Messenger.] MESSENGER. Bless you, fair dame! I am not to you known, Though in your state of honor I am perfect. I doubt some danger does approach you nearly: If you will take a homely man's advice, Be not found here; hence, with your little ones. To fright you thus, methinks, I am too savage; To do worse to you were fell cruelty, Which is too nigh your person. Heaven preserve you! I dare abide no longer. [Exit.] LADY MACDUFF. Whither should I fly? I have done no harm. But I remember now I am in this earthly world; where to do harm Is often laudable; to do good sometime Accounted dangerous folly: why then, alas, Do I put up that womanly defence, To say I have done no harm? - What are these faces? [Enter Murderers.] FIRST MURDERER. Where is your husband? LADY MACDUFF. I hope, in no place so unsanctified Where such as thou mayst find him. FIRST MURDERER. He's a traitor. SON. Thou liest, thou shag-haar'd villain! FIRST MURDERER. What, you egg! [Stabbing him.] Young fry of treachery! SON. He has kill'd me, mother: Run away, I pray you! [Dies. Exit Lady Macduff, crying Murder, and pursued by the Murderers.] SCENE III. England. Before the King's Palace. [Enter Malcolm and Macduff.] MALCOLM. Let us seek out some desolate shade and there Weep our sad bosoms empty. MACDUFF. Let us rather Hold fast the mortal sword, and, like good men, Bestride our down-fall'n birthdom: each new morn New widows howl; new orphans cry; new sorrows Strike heaven on the face, that it resounds As if it felt with Scotland, and yell'd out Like syllable of dolour. MALCOLM. What I believe, I'll wail; What know, believe; and what I can redress, As I shall find the time to friend, I will. What you have spoke, it may be so perchance. This tyrant, whose sole name blisters our tongues, Was once thought honest: you have loved him well; He hath not touch'd you yet. I am young; but something You may deserve of him through me; and wisdom To offer up a weak, poor, innocent lamb To appease an angry god. MACDUFF. I am not treacherous. MALCOLM. But Macbeth is. A good and virtuous nature may recoil In an imperial charge. But I shall crave your pardon; That which you are, my thoughts cannot transpose; Angels are bright still, though the brightest fell: Though all things foul would wear the brows of grace, Yet grace must still look so. MACDUFF. I have lost my hopes. MALCOLM. Perchance even there where I did find my doubts. Why in that rawness left you wife and child, - Those precious motives, those strong knots of love, - Without leave-taking? - I pray you, Let not my jealousies be your dishonors, But mine own safeties: - you may be rightly just, Whatever I shall think. MACDUFF. Bleed, bleed, poor country! Great tyranny, lay thou thy basis sure, For goodness dare not check thee! wear thou thy wrongs, The title is affeer'd. - Fare thee well, lord: I would not be the villain that thou think'st For the whole space that's in the tyrant's grasp And the rich East to boot. MALCOLM. Be not offended: I speak not as in absolute fear of you. I think our country sinks beneath the yoke; It weeps, it bleeds; and each new day a gash Is added to her wounds. I think, withal, There would be hands uplifted in my right; And here, from gracious England, have I offer Of goodly thousands: but, for all this, When I shall tread upon the tyrant's head, Or wear it on my sword, yet my poor country Shall have more vices than it had before; More suffer, and more sundry ways than ever, By him that shall succeed. MACDUFF. What should he be? MALCOLM. It is myself I mean: in whom I know All the particulars of vice so grafted That, when they shall be open'd, black Macbeth Will seem as pure as snow; and the poor state Esteem him as a lamb, being compar'd With my confineless harms. MACDUFF. Not in the legions Of horrid hell can come a devil more damn'd In evils to top Macbeth. MALCOLM. I grant him bloody, Luxurious, avaricious, false, deceitful, Sudden, malicious, smacking of every sin That has a name: but there's no bottom, none, In my voluptuousness: your wives, your daughters, Your matrons, and your maids, could not fill up The cistern of my lust; and my desire All continent impediments would o'erbear, That did oppose my will: better Macbeth Than such an one to reign. MACDUFF. Boundless intemperance In nature is a tyranny; it hath been The untimely emptying of the happy throne, And fall of many kings. But fear not yet To take upon you what is yours: you may Convey your pleasures in a spacious plenty, And yet seem cold, the time you may so hoodwink. We have willing dames enough; there cannot be That vulture in you, to devour so many As will to greatness dedicate themselves, Finding it so inclin'd. MALCOLM. With this there grows, In my most ill-compos'd affection, such A stanchless avarice, that, were I king, I should cut off the nobles for their lands; Desire his jewels, and this other's house: And my more-having would be as a sauce To make me hunger more; that I should forge Quarrels unjust against the good and loyal, Destroying them for wealth. MACDUFF. This avarice Sticks deeper; grows with more pernicious root Than summer-seeming lust; and it hath been The sword of our slain kings: yet do not fear; Scotland hath foysons to fill up your will, Of your mere own: all these are portable, With other graces weigh'd. MALCOLM. But I have none: the king-becoming graces, As justice, verity, temperance, stableness, Bounty, perseverance, mercy, lowliness, Devotion, patience, courage, fortitude, I have no relish of them; but abound In the division of each several crime, Acting it many ways. Nay, had I power, I should Pour the sweet milk of concord into hell, Uproar the universal peace, confound All unity on earth. MACDUFF. O Scotland, Scotland! MALCOLM. If such a one be fit to govern, speak: I am as I have spoken. MACDUFF. Fit to govern! No, not to live! - O nation miserable, With an untitled tyrant bloody-scepter'd, When shalt thou see thy wholesome days again, Since that the truest issue of thy throne By his own interdiction stands accurs'd And does blaspheme his breed? - Thy royal father Was a most sainted king; the queen that bore thee, Oftener upon her knees than on her feet, Died every day she lived. Fare-thee-well! These evils thou repeat'st upon thyself Have banish'd me from Scotland. - O my breast, Thy hope ends here! MALCOLM. Macduff, this noble passion, Child of integrity, hath from my soul Wiped the black scruples, reconcil'd my thoughts To thy good truth and honour. Devilish Macbeth By many of these trains hath sought to win me Into his power; and modest wisdom plucks me From over-credulous haste: but God above Deal between thee and me! for even now I put myself to thy direction, and Unspeak mine own detraction; here abjure The taints and blames I laid upon myself, For strangers to my nature. I am yet Unknown to woman; never was forsworn; Scarcely have coveted what was mine own; At no time broke my faith; would not betray The devil to his fellow; and delight No less in truth than life: my first false speaking Was this upon myself: - what I am truly, Is thine and my poor country's to command: Whither, indeed, before thy here-approach, Old Siward, with ten thousand warlike men Already at a point, was setting forth: Now we'll together; and the chance of goodness Be like our warranted quarrel! Why are you silent? MACDUFF. Such welcome and unwelcome things at once 'Tis hard to reconcile. [Enter a Doctor.] MALCOLM. Well; more anon. - Comes the king forth, I pray you? DOCTOR. Ay, sir: there are a crew of wretched souls That stay his cure: their malady convinces The great assay of art; but, at his touch, Such sanctity hath heaven given his hand, They presently amend. MALCOLM. I thank you, doctor. [Exit Doctor.] MACDUFF. What's the disease he means? MALCOLM. 'Tis call'd the evil: A most miraculous work in this good king; Which often, since my here-remain in England, I have seen him do. How he solicits heaven, Himself best knows: but strangely-visited people, All swoln and ulcerous, pitiful to the eye, The mere despair of surgery, he cures; Hanging a golden stamp about their necks, Put on with holy prayers: and 'tis spoken, To the succeeding royalty he leaves The healing benediction. With this strange virtue, He hath a heavenly gift of prophecy; And sundry blessings hang about his throne, That speak him full of grace. MACDUFF. See, who comes here? MALCOLM. My countryman; but yet I know him not. [Enter Ross.] MACDUFF. My ever-gentle cousin, welcome hither. MALCOLM. I know him now. Good God, betimes remove The means that makes us strangers! ROSS. Sir, amen. MACDUFF. Stands Scotland where it did? ROSS. Alas, poor country, - Almost afraid to know itself! It cannot Be call'd our mother, but our grave: where nothing, But who knows nothing, is once seen to smile; Where sighs, and groans, and shrieks, that rent the air, Are made, not mark'd; where violent sorrow seems A modern ecstasy; the dead man's knell Is there scarce ask'd for who; and good men's lives Expire before the flowers in their caps, Dying or ere they sicken. MACDUFF. O, relation Too nice, and yet too true! MALCOLM. What's the newest grief? ROSS. That of an hour's age doth hiss the speaker; Each minute teems a new one. MACDUFF. How does my wife? ROSS. Why, well. MACDUFF. And all my children? ROSS. Well too. MACDUFF. The tyrant has not batter'd at their peace? ROSS. No; they were well at peace when I did leave 'em. MACDUFF. Be not a niggard of your speech: how goes't? ROSS. When I came hither to transport the tidings, Which I have heavily borne, there ran a rumour Of many worthy fellows that were out; Which was to my belief witness'd the rather, For that I saw the tyrant's power a-foot: Now is the time of help; your eye in Scotland Would create soldiers, make our women fight, To doff their dire distresses. MALCOLM. Be't their comfort We are coming thither: gracious England hath Lent us good Siward and ten thousand men; An older and a better soldier none That Christendom gives out. ROSS. Would I could answer This comfort with the like! But I have words That would be howl'd out in the desert air, Where hearing should not latch them. MACDUFF. What concern they? The general cause? or is it a fee-grief Due to some single breast? ROSS. No mind that's honest But in it shares some woe; though the main part Pertains to you alone. MACDUFF. If it be mine, Keep it not from me, quickly let me have it. ROSS. Let not your ears despise my tongue for ever, Which shall possess them with the heaviest sound That ever yet they heard. MACDUFF. Humh! I guess at it. ROSS. Your castle is surpris'd; your wife and babes Savagely slaughter'd: to relate the manner Were, on the quarry of these murder'd deer, To add the death of you. MALCOLM. Merciful heaven! - What, man! ne'er pull your hat upon your brows; Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak Whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break. MACDUFF. My children too? ROSS. Wife, children, servants, all That could be found. MACDUFF. And I must be from thence! My wife kill'd too? ROSS. I have said. MALCOLM. Be comforted: Let's make us medicines of our great revenge, To cure this deadly grief. MACDUFF. He has no children. - All my pretty ones? Did you say all? - O hell-kite! - All? What, all my pretty chickens and their dam At one fell swoop? MALCOLM. Dispute it like a man. MACDUFF. I shall do so; But I must also feel it as a man: I cannot but remember such things were, That were most precious to me. - Did heaven look on, And would not take their part? Sinful Macduff, They were all struck for thee! naught that I am, Not for their own demerits, but for mine, Fell slaughter on their souls: heaven rest them now! MALCOLM. Be this the whetstone of your sword. Let grief Convert to anger; blunt not the heart, enrage it. MACDUFF. O, I could play the woman with mine eye, And braggart with my tongue! - But, gentle heavens, Cut short all intermission; front to front Bring thou this fiend of Scotland and myself; Within my sword's length set him; if he 'scape, Heaven forgive him too! MALCOLM. This tune goes manly. Come, go we to the king; our power is ready; Our lack is nothing but our leave: Macbeth Is ripe for shaking, and the powers above Put on their instruments. Receive what cheer you may; The night is long that never finds the day. [Exeunt.] ACT V. SCENE I. Dunsinane. A Room in the Castle. [Enter a Doctor of Physic and a Waiting-Gentlewoman.] DOCTOR. I have two nights watched with you, but can perceive no truth in your report. When was it she last walked? GENTLEWOMAN. Since his majesty went into the field, I have seen her rise from her bed, throw her nightgown upon her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it, write upon it, read it, afterwards seal it, and again return to bed; yet all this while in a most fast sleep. DOCTOR. A great perturbation in nature, - to receive at once the benefit of sleep, and do the effects of watching - In this slumbery agitation, besides her walking and other actual performances, what, at any time, have you heard her say? GENTLEWOMAN. That, sir, which I will not report after her. DOCTOR. You may to me; and 'tis most meet you should. GENTLEWOMAN. Neither to you nor any one; having no witness to confirm my speech. Lo you, here she comes! [Enter Lady Macbeth, with a taper.] This is her very guise; and, upon my life, fast asleep. Observe her; stand close. DOCTOR. How came she by that light? GENTLEWOMAN. Why, it stood by her: she has light by her continually; 'tis her command. DOCTOR. You see, her eyes are open. GENTLEWOMAN. Ay, but their sense is shut. DOCTOR. What is it she does now? Look how she rubs her hands. GENTLEWOMAN. It is an accustomed action with her, to seem thus washing her hands: I have known her continue in this a quarter of an hour. LADY MACBETH. Yet here's a spot. DOCTOR. Hark, she speaks: I will set down what comes from her, to satisfy my remembrance the more strongly. LADY MACBETH. Out, damned spot! out, I say! - One; two; why, then 'tis time to do't ; - Hell is murky! - Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? - Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him? DOCTOR. Do you mark that? LADY MACBETH. The Thane of Fife had a wife; where is she now? - What, will these hands ne'er be clean? No more o' that, my lord, no more o' that: you mar all with this starting. DOCTOR. Go to, go to; you have known what you should not. GENTLEWOMAN. She has spoke what she should not, I am sure of that: heaven knows what she has known. LADY MACBETH. Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh! DOCTOR. What a sigh is there! The heart is sorely charged. GENTLEWOMAN. I would not have such a heart in my bosom for the dignity of the whole body. DOCTOR. Well, well, well, - GENTLEWOMAN. Pray God it be, sir. DOCTOR. This disease is beyond my practice: yet I have known those which have walked in their sleep who have died holily in their beds. LADY MACBETH. Wash your hands, put on your nightgown; look not so pale: - I tell you yet again, Banquo's buried; he cannot come out on's grave. DOCTOR. Even so? LADY MACBETH. To bed, to bed; there's knocking at the gate: come, come, come, come, give me your hand: what's done cannot be undone: to bed, to bed, to bed. [Exit.] DOCTOR. Will she go now to bed? GENTLEWOMAN. Directly. DOCTOR. Foul whisperings are abroad: unnatural deeds Do breed unnatural troubles: infected minds To their deaf pillows will discharge their secrets. More needs she the divine than the physician. - God, God, forgive us all! - Look after her; Remove from her the means of all annoyance, And still keep eyes upon her: - so, good-night: My mind she has mated, and amaz'd my sight: I think, but dare not speak. GENTLEWOMAN. Good-night, good doctor. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. The Country near Dunsinane. [Enter. with drum and colours, Menteith, Caithness, Angus, Lennox, and Soldiers.] MENTEITH. The English power is near, led on by Malcolm, His uncle Siward, and the good Macduff. Revenges burn in them; for their dear causes Would to the bleeding and the grim alarm Excite the mortified man. ANGUS. Near Birnam wood Shall we well meet them; that way are they coming. CAITHNESS. Who knows if Donalbain be with his brother? LENNOX. For certain, sir, he is not: I have a file Of all the gentry: there is Siward's son And many unrough youths, that even now Protest their first of manhood. MENTEITH. What does the tyrant? CAITHNESS. Great Dunsinane he strongly fortifies: Some say he's mad; others, that lesser hate him, Do call it valiant fury: but, for certain, He cannot buckle his distemper'd cause Within the belt of rule. ANGUS. Now does he feel His secret murders sticking on his hands; Now minutely revolts upbraid his faith-breach; Those he commands move only in command, Nothing in love: now does he feel his title Hang loose about him, like a giant's robe Upon a dwarfish thief. MENTEITH. Who, then, shall blame His pester'd senses to recoil and start, When all that is within him does condemn Itself for being there? CAITHNESS. Well, march we on, To give obedience where 'tis truly ow'd: Meet we the medicine of the sickly weal; And with him pour we, in our country's purge, Each drop of us. LENNOX. Or so much as it needs, To dew the sovereign flower, and drown the weeds. Make we our march towards Birnam. [Exeunt, marching.] SCENE III. Dunsinane. A Room in the Castle. [Enter Macbeth, Doctor, and Attendants.] MACBETH. Bring me no more reports; let them fly all: Till Birnam wood remove to Dunsinane I cannot taint with fear. What's the boy Malcolm? Was he not born of woman? The spirits that know All mortal consequences have pronounc'd me thus, - "Fear not, Macbeth; no man that's born of woman Shall e'er have power upon thee." - Then fly, false thanes, And mingle with the English epicures: The mind I sway by, and the heart I bear, Shall never sag with doubt nor shake with fear. [Enter a Servant.] The devil damn thee black, thou cream-fac'd loon! Where gott'st thou that goose look? SERVANT. There is ten thousand - MACBETH. Geese, villain? SERVANT. Soldiers, sir. MACBETH. Go prick thy face and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy. What soldiers, patch? Death of thy soul! those linen cheeks of thine Are counsellors to fear. What soldiers, whey-face? SERVANT. The English force, so please you. MACBETH. Take thy face hence. [Exit Servant.] Seyton! - I am sick at heart, When I behold - Seyton, I say!- This push Will chair me ever or disseat me now. I have liv'd long enough: my way of life Is fall'n into the sear, the yellow leaf; And that which should accompany old age, As honour, love, obedience, troops of friends, I must not look to have; but, in their stead, Curses, not loud but deep, mouth-honour, breath, Which the poor heart would fain deny, and dare not. Seyton! - [Enter Seyton.] SEYTON. What's your gracious pleasure? MACBETH. What news more? SEYTON. All is confirm'd, my lord, which was reported. MACBETH. I'll fight till from my bones my flesh be hack'd. Give me my armour. SEYTON. 'Tis not needed yet. MACBETH. I'll put it on. Send out more horses, skirr the country round; Hang those that talk of fear. - Give me mine armour. - How does your patient, doctor? DOCTOR. Not so sick, my lord, As she is troubled with thick-coming fancies, That keep her from her rest. MACBETH. Cure her of that: Canst thou not minister to a mind diseas'd; Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow; Raze out the written troubles of the brain; And with some sweet oblivious antidote Cleanse the stuff'd bosom of that perilous stuff Which weighs upon the heart? DOCTOR. Therein the patient Must minister to himself. MACBETH. Throw physic to the dogs, - I'll none of it. - Come, put mine armour on; give me my staff: - Seyton, send out. - Doctor, the Thanes fly from me. - Come, sir, despatch. - If thou couldst, doctor, cast The water of my land, find her disease, And purge it to a sound and pristine health, I would applaud thee to the very echo, That should applaud again. - Pull't off, I say. - What rhubarb, senna, or what purgative drug, Would scour these English hence? Hear'st thou of them? DOCTOR. Ay, my good lord; your royal preparation Makes us hear something. MACBETH. Bring it after me. - I will not be afraid of death and bane, Till Birnam forest come to Dunsinane. [Exeunt all except Doctor.] DOCTOR. Were I from Dunsinane away and clear, Profit again should hardly draw me here. [Exit.] SCENE IV. Country nearDunsinane: a Wood in view. [Enter, with drum and colours, Malcolm, old Siward and his Son, Macduff, Menteith, Caithness, Angus, Lennox, Ross, and Soldiers, marching.] MALCOLM. Cousins, I hope the days are near at hand That chambers will be safe. MENTEITH. We doubt it nothing. SIWARD. What wood is this before us? MENTEITH. The wood of Birnam. MALCOLM. Let every soldier hew him down a bough, And bear't before him; thereby shall we shadow The numbers of our host, and make discovery Err in report of us. SOLDIERS. It shall be done. SIWARD. We learn no other but the confident tyrant Keeps still in Dunsinane, and will endure Our setting down before't. MALCOLM. 'Tis his main hope: For where there is advantage to be given, Both more and less have given him the revolt; And none serve with him but constrained things, Whose hearts are absent too. MACDUFF. Let our just censures Attend the true event, and put we on Industrious soldiership. SIWARD. The time approaches, That will with due decision make us know What we shall say we have, and what we owe. Thoughts speculative their unsure hopes relate; But certain issue strokes must arbitrate: Towards which advance the war. [Exeunt, marching.] SCENE V. Dunsinane. Within the castle. [Enter with drum and colours, Macbeth, Seyton, and Soldiers.] MACBETH. Hang out our banners on the outward walls; The cry is still, "They come:" our castle's strength Will laugh a siege to scorn: here let them lie Till famine and the ague eat them up: Were they not forc'd with those that should be ours, We might have met them dareful, beard to beard, And beat them backward home. [A cry of women within.] What is that noise? SEYTON. It is the cry of women, my good lord. [Exit.] MACBETH. I have almost forgot the taste of fears: The time has been, my senses would have cool'd To hear a night-shriek; and my fell of hair Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir As life were in't: I have supp'd full with horrors; Direness, familiar to my slaught'rous thoughts, Cannot once start me. [Re-enter Seyton.] Wherefore was that cry? SEYTON. The queen, my lord, is dead. MACBETH. She should have died hereafter; There would have been a time for such a word. - To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. [Enter a Messenger.] Thou com'st to use thy tongue; thy story quickly. MESSENGER. Gracious my lord, I should report that which I say I saw, But know not how to do it. MACBETH. Well, say, sir. MESSENGER. As I did stand my watch upon the hill, I look'd toward Birnam, and anon, methought, The wood began to move. MACBETH. Liar, and slave! [Strikimg him.] MESSENGER. Let me endure your wrath, if't be not so. Within this three mile may you see it coming; I say, a moving grove. MACBETH. If thou speak'st false, Upon the next tree shalt thou hang alive, Till famine cling thee: if thy speech be sooth, I care not if thou dost for me as much. - I pull in resolution; and begin To doubt the equivocation of the fiend That lies like truth. "Fear not, till Birnam wood Do come to Dunsinane;" and now a wood Comes toward Dunsinane. - Arm, arm, and out! - If this which he avouches does appear, There is nor flying hence nor tarrying here. I 'gin to be a-weary of the sun, And wish the estate o' the world were now undone. - Ring the alarum bell! - Blow, wind! come, wrack! At least we'll die with harness on our back. [Exeunt.] SCENE VI. The same. A Plain before the Castle. [Enter, with drum and colours, Malcolm, old Siward, Macduff, &c., and their Army, with boughs.] MALCOLM. Now near enough; your leafy screens throw down, And show like those you are. - You, worthy uncle, Shall with my cousin, your right-noble son, Lead our first battle: worthy Macduff and we Shall take upon's what else remains to do, According to our order. SIWARD. Fare you well. - Do we but find the tyrant's power to-night, Let us be beaten, if we cannot fight. MACDUFF. Make all our trumpets speak; give them all breath, Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death. [Exeunt.] SCENE VII. The same. Another part of the Plain. [Alarums. Enter Macbeth.] MACBETH. They have tied me to a stake; I cannot fly, But, bear-like I must fight the course. - What's he That was not born of woman? Such a one Am I to fear, or none. [Enter young Siward.] YOUNG SIWARD. What is thy name? MACBETH. Thou'lt be afraid to hear it. YOUNG SIWARD. No; though thou call'st thyself a hotter name Than any is in hell. MACBETH. My name's Macbeth. YOUNG SIWARD. The devil himself could not pronounce a title More hateful to mine ear. MACBETH. No, nor more fearful. YOUNG SIWARD. Thou liest, abhorred tyrant; with my sword I'll prove the lie thou speak'st. [They fight, and young Seward is slain.] MACBETH. Thou wast born of woman. - But swords I smile at, weapons laugh to scorn, Brandish'd by man that's of a woman born. [Exit.] [Alarums. Enter Macduff.] MACDUFF. That way the noise is. - Tyrant, show thy face! If thou be'st slain and with no stroke of mine, My wife and children's ghosts will haunt me still. I cannot strike at wretched kerns, whose arms Are hired to bear their staves; either thou, Macbeth, Or else my sword, with an unbatter'd edge, I sheathe again undeeded. There thou shouldst be; By this great clatter, one of greatest note Seems bruited. Let me find him, fortune! And more I beg not. [Exit. Alarums.] [Enter Malcolm and old Siward.] SIWARD. This way, my lord; - the castle's gently render'd: The tyrant's people on both sides do fight; The noble thanes do bravely in the war; The day almost itself professes yours, And little is to do. MALCOLM. We have met with foes That strike beside us. SIWARD. Enter, sir, the castle. [Exeunt. Alarums.] SCENE VIII. The same. Another part of the field. [Enter Macbeth.] MACBETH. Why should I play the Roman fool, and die On mine own sword? whiles I see lives, the gashes Do better upon them. [Enter Macduff.] MACDUFF. Turn, hell-hound, turn! MACBETH. Of all men else I have avoided thee: But get thee back; my soul is too much charg'd With blood of thine already. MACDUFF. I have no words, - My voice is in my sword: thou bloodier villain Than terms can give thee out! [They fight.] MACBETH. Thou losest labour: As easy mayst thou the intrenchant air With thy keen sword impress, as make me bleed: Let fall thy blade on vulnerable crests; I bear a charmed life, which must not yield To one of woman born. MACDUFF. Despair thy charm; And let the angel whom thou still hast serv'd Tell thee, Macduff was from his mother's womb Untimely ripp'd. MACBETH. Accursed be that tongue that tells me so, For it hath cow'd my better part of man! And be these juggling fiends no more believ'd, That palter with us in a double sense; That keep the word of promise to our ear, And break it to our hope! - I'll not fight with thee. MACDUFF. Then yield thee, coward, And live to be the show and gaze o' the time: We'll have thee, as our rarer monsters are, Painted upon a pole, and underwrit, "Here may you see the tyrant." MACBETH. I will not yield, To kiss the ground before young Malcolm's feet, And to be baited with the rabble's curse. Though Birnam wood be come to Dunsinane, And thou oppos'd, being of no woman born, Yet I will try the last. Before my body I throw my warlike shield: lay on, Macduff; And damn'd be him that first cries, "Hold, enough!" [Exeunt fighting.] [Retreat. Flourish. Enter, with drum and colours, Malcolm, old Siward, Ross, Lennox, Angus, Caithness, Menteith, and Soldiers. MALCOLM. I would the friends we miss were safe arriv'd. SIWARD. Some must go off; and yet, by these I see, So great a day as this is cheaply bought. MALCOLM. Macduff is missing, and your noble son. ROSS. Your son, my lord, has paid a soldier's debt: He only liv'd but till he was a man; The which no sooner had his prowess confirm'd In the unshrinking station where he fought, But like a man he died. SIWARD. Then he is dead? FLEANCE. Ay, and brought off the field: your cause of sorrow Must not be measur'd by his worth, for then It hath no end. SIWARD. Had he his hurts before? ROSS. Ay, on the front. SIWARD. Why then, God's soldier be he! Had I as many sons as I have hairs, I would not wish them to a fairer death: And, so his knell is knoll'd. MALCOLM. He's worth more sorrow, And that I'll spend for him. SIWARD. He's worth no more: They say he parted well, and paid his score: And so, God be with him! - Here comes newer comfort. [Re-enter Macduff, with Macbeth's head.] MACDUFF. Hail, king, for so thou art: behold, where stands The usurper's cursed head: the time is free: I see thee compass'd with thy kingdom's pearl That speak my salutation in their minds; Whose voices I desire aloud with mine, - Hail, King of Scotland! ALL. Hail, King of Scotland! [Flourish.] MALCOLM. We shall not spend a large expense of time Before we reckon with your several loves, And make us even with you. My thanes and kinsmen, Henceforth be earls, the first that ever Scotland In such an honour nam'd. What's more to do, Which would be planted newly with the time, - As calling home our exil'd friends abroad, That fled the snares of watchful tyranny; Producing forth the cruel ministers Of this dead butcher, and his fiend-like queen, - Who, as 'tis thought, by self and violent hands Took off her life; - this, and what needful else That calls upon us, by the grace of Grace, We will perform in measure, time, and place: So, thanks to all at once, and to each one, Whom we invite to see us crown'd at Scone. [Flourish. Exeunt.] Publication Date: April 21st 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-tweety-96-chanel/

Tweety_96 ... Chanel and Life is just starting Keeping Secrets     Chanel I was awake with him laying next to me. I loved Jermaine for everything we been through regardless of what people say about us. He stayed with me when I was weak and he was there when I was gripping the keys to my first apartment and car."Finally you up", he said. I smiled got up and brushed my teeth. "So you was waiting for me?" He smirked,"Chanel, you love making look like I can't live without you. Just admit it ." I turned and walked to the bathroom door and replied, "If I admit it then I will be looking pathetic with you."He flung off the and headed toward me. I ran to the shower,but he still caught me. "You sick?", he asked. "I don't feel like it. Why?" " Your forehead is burning! Your ears turning red too", he announced. I pulled away from him and walked into the room. "You meeting up with your Mom and Dad today?", I questioned to try and distract the attention away from me. " Yea, you coming or do you want me to stay and take you to the doctor?", He shot back with a smirk. "I'm fine, seriously matter of fact while you're gone I will find something to do, I'ma be bored if I don't.", I lied. I'm actually not feeling bad, I'm just restless since 4 days ago and I think I have food poisoning from a restaurant since I'm throwing up every morning. "I'll be back in 3 or 4 hours depending on traffic, how slow I eat and how long they lectures gonna be about staying in college."He said. "I love you baby and don't forget to tell them I said Hi.", I replied. "Camryn called to see if you would babysit Cayden.", He said as he opened the front door. My sister obviously don't remember that I have a life. "Wait I - -" I was too late, as I heard his car drive farther away from our shared apartment. I locked the front door and walked to the kitchen. As soon as I caught a whiff of Jermaine's leftovers from Wendy's, I was with my head in the toilet. I stood up and saw my washed out complexion in the mirror. I have been feeling weird for the last 4 days. "Knock, Knock?" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned to see Camryn standing in the bathroom doorway with Cayden in her arms. "You have a key to my apartment?", I said, shocked. "I made a copy from your keys one day", She explained. "Why it stinks in here? " " I was throwing up, food poisoning.", I answered. She exhaled. "For a second I thought you was pregnant!", she joked. She stopped laughing when I turned around and walked out to the living room. She put Cayden down and followed me. "So you are? Or are you just playing?", Camryn said as she furiously sat down on the sofa. " It just happened 4 days ago when we went out to eat because Jermaine is doing really good in his classes." I quickly answered. " So I bet he got a straight A in your class.",She smartly remarked. "So what you gonna do IF you are having a baby? You ever thought about how it's gonna affect Jermaine and you and how you gonna take care of all the expenses?", She questioned. I turned to her, " I'm thinking about keeping the baby, parenting can't be that hard." "Something the size of a single cell, can turn into the 1 -year-old sitting in that corner playing with a transformer toy. Matter of fact I'm gonna call Jermaine and hear what he thinks about this!", She annouced. " Wait! He doesn't know yet. No one knows accept you.", I revealed. She looked at me and then turned around and bust out laughing. "Chanel! Just think about how he reacts to when somebody steal his parking spot, so how he gonna freak out when you tell him you pregnant?!??", my older sister explained. I walked away from her and looked at her. "Well, can you go so I can talk to Jermaine about this?", I snapped at her. She rolled her eyes, grabbed her toddler and left. I sighed as I her slam her car doors and drive away. I love my sister, but she needs to realize that I'm not her and Jermaine is not her baby daddy. I know Jermaine is not like that and he loves kids, for a short period of time. Will You Be My Baby Daddy? 20 minutes later I heard Jermaine open the front door, when I was in the kitchen downstairs making tacos. He hugged me from behind. "Hey, how was your meeting?" I asked. He let go and smiled. "It was alright this time, they just told me to stay in school and my Mom surprised that I'm responsible and not doing stupid shit or asking her for money every week." He explained. I shrugged and closed the fridge. She was a huge pain. She never liked me, but she but she never completely says it either. "What's wrong,Chanel?", Jermaine asked. "What you mean?", I replied. I never lie to him. Even when I want to I just can't. I'm nervous to tell him, but I'm nervous that if I wait to long he will eventually find out on his own. "Did I do something wrong?", he questioned. "No, I just have something on my mind that I've been thinking about." I looked Jermaine in his dark brown eyes and I began to remember the day I fell in love with him. It was at a party and every black girl in the room was making sure they tracks and sew-ins was straight for him that night. He was looking that good,and he know he was all that and a bag of chips and the drink that night. From the moment he walked in,you would've spotted him anywhere on the crowded dance floor with his bright highlighter neon jacket and matching converse that were visible in the dark and he was the only male not dancing. Jermaine just stood on the wall watching everyone on the dance floor ignoring the desperate non-wifey material continued to drool on him the whole night. I was looking cute too with my blue skintight dress and black pumps with spikes on the back. I was out with my friends who wanted a night of freedom. I stood against a wall and ignored the men who were looking for their booty call of the night. Jermaine and I were glancing at each other the whole night. The night ended, and I thought I would never see the cute boy I wanted to get to know ever again,but I was wrong. I was going to a friend's birthday party, and Jermaine turned out to be her cousin. Ever since, we have been communicating and then we got an apartment together. "You heard me baby?" Snap out of it. "What you said?",I asked. "These tacos are good,but they didn't fill me up for nothing. Let's go out to eat." I wasn't full either,I was throwing up more than half of what I ate. "Let me get dressed.",I said as I walked back to our bedroom. I went in the shower and then got dressed in a cute turquoise shirt with blue skinny jeans. Jermaine got dressed in a red and black Adidas shirt with the matching shoes and black jeans. We left in his '09 black Impala. "What you wanna eat tonight?", he asked. "It doesn't matter to me." All that my mind goes back to is how am I gonna tell him that I'm pregnant and don't even if I want a baby. 30 minutes later we arrived at The Grape in Phipps Plaza in Atlanta. A girl was standing inside by a computer right when we walked in. "Hello,Welcome to The Grape! May I ask if you have a reservation?" I want to answer Hell to the no, but I will leave it to Jermaine personally this time. "Yes,Johnson.",he replied. So,he had this all planned out. We followed her to a table in the back, which had a lot of privacy. A candle was in the middle of the table with a bouquet of flowers. "Thanks.",he said to the waiter as she placed our menus on the table in front of us. "You planned this out,didn't you?",I asked. He looked up and smiled while showing his dimples. "Maybe I did. But I know one thing...",he said. I looked at his smile and put down the menu in front of me. "What are you up to?" "You going to see when we get home." I smiled as I chose what I was going order to eat. Sure thing he meant what he said. After we ate, as soon as we got through the apartment door, Jermaine was all over me. He hugged me and was kissing on my neck as we walked down the little hall to our bedroom. "Bae,I have to tell you something.",I said. And of course he wasn't listening. Instead he takes his shirt off. Great,now how am I gonna tell him anything when is in his mood? I woke up with my head in the toilet throwing up. Jermaine stood in the doorway of the bathroom and looked down on me. "You wanna go to the hospital or the doctor?",he said. I flushed the toilet and walked to the counter as I started to brush my teeth. After I was done I started to cry. "Are you crying?" I couldn't even speak. I know I have to tell him right here and right now with no excuses. I went to the bedroom with a clueless Jermaine trailing behind me. I sat on the bed and he sat next to me. "You think you have the flu?",he asked. I dried my tears and looked up at him. "I'm Pregnant." Slowly but surely, he lost all the color in his face. I shook my head,got dressed and grabbed the keys. I drove around our apartments and finally got out the car when I saw the park. I walked to the swings and just sat on one of them. I'm just thinking of what is going through his mind right now. I would call Camryn,but I left my phone in the room. What if he wants to leave? What if it's either abortion or Jermaine? What if he leaves me even after I have an abortion? I just don't want to be one of those girls where my relationship ends because of a baby. After I stopped crying,I got in the car and went home. I didn't see Jermaine in the house so I thought he went somewhere. I put the keys on the living room table and walked back to the bedroom. I heard him open the door from the balcony. "Chanel, there is no way that it can happen that fast.",he said as he was walking in the bedroom. "I'm actually almost a week." He turned around fast. "We didn't fuck a week ago, we fucked four days ago." So he's keeping track now? "That's exactly what I mean.",I replied smartly. He nodded silently. "So you was fucking another nigga behind my back? Every girl used to tell me you was a hoe!" I was so shocked, that I didn't even know what to do. I walked to the closet and got out a suitcase. "So now you think you gonna kick me out just because you cheating?" I got some clothes out of the closet and started to pack. I got everything that was important to me. A few clothes, my phone, toothbrush, Ipad, Ipod Touch, earphones, and my chargers to everything. He started to realize that I was leaving, instead of him. "Chanel. Baby I didn't mean that.",he started. Too late I was already walking out the door. I grabbed my keys and went to the car. Jermaine followed behind me touching me, trying to pull me back. "Stop, before you make people think you're abusing me.", I said harshly. I jerked away from him and locked the doors before he got in. "Chanel, don't do this unlock the door.", he pleaded. "Jermaine, I can't do this anymore." I turned on the car and drove away from his shocked face. I love him, but I don't know what I'm going to do. 15 minutes later, I was pulling into my sisters' driveway. I was scared about what she was gonna ask me why was I here. I knocked on the door, even though I have a key somewhere in the deepest depths of my purse. "Chanel, I know damn well you have a key to this house.",she said as she was opening the door. "I know I just left it at home." "What are you doing here?",she asked. "I'm trying to spend time with my nephew!", I replied. She looked at me weird. "You really wanna see him that bad?" "I'm dying inside",I said as I sat on the sofa. She went upstairs and got him. All that was running through my head, is what Jermaine had said. Proves that every where you go, someone is gonna talk about you behind your back, when they don't look no better. She brought a sleepyhead Cayden and put him in my arms. I just held him and looked at every feature of his small little body. This is probably how I'm gonna be holding my child, accept with a lot more emotion. "You told him didn't you?",she said. I looked up and nodded at my older sister. "Where's Caitlynn?", I questioned. She rolled her eyes at me as I was trying my hardest to change the subject. "She just got off her job,so she should be home in fifteen to twenty minutes. But she's not important right now.",she said as she squinted her eyes at me. I sighed. "I told him, we got into it, and I left, end of story." She grabbed a blanket and handed it to me to put over Cayden. "So what was said that caused you to end up over here?",she interrogated. "He just made me mad. I don't wanna talk about it anymore, and I'm just ready to go to bed.",I said as I put Cayden down and went to my car. I got out the bag I packed and came back inside. "So you packed and left him!!",She yelled. I held up my hand and carried the baby and my bag to the spare bedroom. I took a shower,changed, brushed my teeth and cuddled with my nephew all night. Work Things Out I woke up with 10 phone calls,6 messages, and I don't even know how many texts from Jermaine. So he really was sorry. Every time I want to text or call him back I just think of him repeating what people say about me. I got up, changed, brushed my teeth and saw that Cayden was still sound asleep. So, I walked down the hall to Camryn's room. "Cam,Can I ask you something?",I asked. "What?" "Can I keep Cayden for like 3 days?" I hopefully anticipated. "Hell yeah, If you leaving now just dress him in something warm, and later when I get up I'll just bring over some clothes and stuff.",She said. "One more question." "What,Chanel?" "Car seat and stroller."I said. "Both in my car, my keys are on the living room table, and bring him here so I can dress him." I went back down the hall and brought Cayden to Camryn. I got all my stuff out the room, and put it in my trunk. While I was downstairs I went and got Camryn's car keys off the counter and went back outside. I unlocked her 2011 Ford Edge and got his car seat and stroller and put them in my car. I went back and grabbed some toys from the bottom of the car. Cayden is spoiled rotten. I warmed my car up, locked Camryn's car, and went back upstairs to get Cayden. "He eats applesauce in the mornings, and by the time he gets hungry again,I should be on my way with his food and stuff.",she explained. I nodded as I carried him to my car and then buckled him in. As I drove away I wondered what was it going to be like walking into my home. Was he mad or sad? Judging from all those phone calls and text and voice mails I got last night,he wanted me to come back. But as I walked in the apartment,it was just me and Cayden. I silently walked around with the still sleeping baby in my arms waiting for him to come out the shower or the bathroom. He wasn't here. Was he getting back at me? Was he trying to leave me now that I left him? It hurt to even think about it. I sat down on my bed and laid Cayden down and covered him with a blanket. I took out my phone and silently looked through the texts in my phone from Jermaine last night. Right when I got to the third or fourth text, I hear Jermaine come in. His heavy footsteps pounded the ground as he got closer and closer to the bedroom. He stopped at the door. "Where you been?",he asked rudely. "Went to Camryn and Caitlynn's.",I answered, without looking at him. "You don't have to lie about anything." "Then if I'm lying, tell me how did I get Cayden?",I said as I pulled down the blanket to reveal his little arms and face silently snoring. Jermaine peeked over at him and sighed. "I'm really sorry.",he sadly said. "I just never saw that side of you towards me,and I was thinking about doing a lot of things last night,but I just went to Camryn's and slept it off.",I madly said. "These girls don't do anything for you,so why do you worry about what they say?"I asked. He knows that he is in the wrong. "A lot of niggas be talking like they had you before,and that shit bothers me."He explained. I put down my phone and looked at him. He took off his shoes,jacket,and shirt,and I scooted over so he can get in the bed. "First off,They are talking about me because they know they can't have me. Second,no nigga just had me except the nigga I lost my virginity to. And Third,they are jealous of you, they sit in a raggedy stinking house with no car, no money and just STD-infested girls that ain't about nothing.",I explained happily. "You accept my apology?",he asks. I nod as he kisses me on the neck and trails up to my mouth. "You hungry?",he asks. "No, I'll eat when he wakes up." Jermaine jumps out of bed and goes to the kitchen and fix his favorite cereal,Captain Crunch. I walk in the bathroom and stare at my stomach. It's looking like I have a pouch, but you can barely tell because it disappears when I put on my shirt. "Your getting bigger.",Jermaine said as he watched my stomach in the reflection of the mirror. I pulled my shirt down quickly. "I know,and I'm only a week.",I replied. Then I thought about Cayden. And started walking to the room when I realize that his snoring stopped. I walked in and saw him crawling around the bed. I picked him up just before he got to the edge of the bed. "Jermaine, is there applesauce in the cabinet?",I said as I was walking in the kitchen. He reached into the cabinet and handed it to me. "Thanks.",I replied. I quickly fed Cayden because he was getting fussy each and every moment. Even though I know I'm a teen, I just don't have any problem with having a baby, I just have a problem with the thought of Jermaine leaving me. "What wrong?",he asked as he looked at me. "It's just that the reason I took so long to tell you that I was pregnant is that, I didn't want you to leave me.",I said. I looked down at Cayden, avoiding Jermaine's face. He walked over to me and looked me dead in my eyes. "Who told you that I was gonna leave you?", he asked. "Nobody, It's just what I was mainly afraid of.",I said. "I promise that I will never leave you, ever. Not you or my baby.",He confessed. All I can do is just stare at him. I love it when he tell me his real deep down feelings. Even though Jermaine doesn't open up on a daily basis, at least he's man enough to tell me the truth about any and everything. "So you really thought I was gonna leave you, so you left me before I can leave you.",He said. I shook my head as I put Cayden down on my lap. "No, I mean I would hurt if you left me, but I would be scarred for life if you left me alone with a baby to take care of. "I revealed. Just then I heard the front door unlock, with Camryn stepping inside. "Chanel?", She yelled. "Back in the kitchen!", I replied. I saw her holding a miniature suitcase, changing pad, and a folded up playpen. "Hey, Jermaine.", she said as she strolled to the cabinets to stock up on baby food,cereal,bottles,and utensils. "Hey,Cam." Then she went to the living room and open up the playpen. "Cayden can stay here for a week and a half right?",she asks. I look at Jermaine. Jermaine looks at me. "I'm okay with it,but is Jermaine okay with it?",I said as I looked over at him. He nodded while smiling. By the time Camryn left, mostly everything that Cayden has ever owned, was in placed somewhere in my house. "It looks like a damn 'Babies-R-Us' in here.",he said as he walked away. Cayden looked at his face and started to bust out laughing. "Awww, Baby he laughing at your face.",I laughed. Jermaine walked away again. I heard a knock on the door. As I put Cayden in the bed with Jermaine, I walked to the door. I rolled my eyes as I walked toward the door, thinking that it's Camryn worrying us about Cayden already. When I opened the door, I'm not even gonna lie, I wish it was my sister standing at the door. Secret Got Out I haven't done that many things wrong for the main person I want to avoid in my life standing at my front door. If you met her you would understand,because not even the Grim Reaper wants to be by her. Jermaine's mother,Joyce, was standing at my damn door early as hell in the morning,looking like she wanted to start some shit with me. "Is Jermaine here?", She asked,when she know the answer because she parked right next to him. I wanted to say no so she could sit in the car, but she parked right next to him. "I'll go get him.",I said as I was slowly pushing the door. "I'll wake him up.",she said as she pushed the door back. I closed the door and went to get Cayden. She looked back at me like 'Bitch why are you following me?', but I guess she forgot where she was at for a second because she quickly turned around and kept walking. Times like this is why I'm glad I have the parents that I have,because if I had her I would have mental issues by now. "Hello,Sweetheart.",She says so innocent. And she can switch her facial expressions very quickly. "I just saw you yesterday,Ma, what's wrong?",he asked. She looked back at me and walked to the bedside by Jermaine. I huffed and walked out the room and into the kitchen. At least I won't be bothered by her annoying, and desperate attitude. Then I thought about it. There is only one reason why she can be over here, when she just saw Jermaine yesterday. She knows that I'm pregnant. I didn't even want to know if she began bringing my name into the subject of the conversation, but before they could, I walked out of the house,got into the car, and left. I felt as if as was running away from it, but I just couldn't hear or talk to anyone just yet about my situation. I really don't want to talk to anyone at my school,because then I'll just be classified as 'one of those girls'. This category is basically meant for the African and Hispanic;which means by the end of high school I'll get pregnant more than once(but try to hide it),on food stamps,be a high school dropout, and most likely won't be with my child's father, which also means that I probably won't be receiving child support. I'm not 'one of those girls' and Jermaine is not 'one of those guys'. While I was thinking it through I turned the car around. I have to deal with her finding out someday, and it will be easier if my family is not around crying all over the place also. I smiled as I leaned out my car window to swipe the card for our apartment gate. We made a baby together, so now we have to pay the consequences together. As soon as I opened the door, I wanted to run back to my car. Not only was Jermaine's mother here, but also my Mom,my Dad, and my twin Aunts Victoria and Valerie were all here sitting in my living room. Jermaine's face was looking grateful that I came through the door, but he looked tired from all their talking. "I'm really not in the mood to argue, and I'm tired.", I said as I went and got a bouncing Cayden from Jermaine's arms. The Arguments "Chanel,what is this lady talking about?",my mom said in tears. I barely saw my parents cry. I come from a very strong family(for years I didn't know how to breakdown and cry). I looked at Camilla Venus Callaway as hard and square in the eyes as I could. "I'm pregnant.",I said truthfully as possible to my mom. She busted out crying and leaned into my dad's chest while he held his head down low. Jermaine's mom rolled her eyes and stood up fast. "Chanel, I will pay for you to get an abortion.",she said as she grabbed her purse and left. I felt myself burning hot red, so I went in the back to our room with Cayden. Jermaine stayed in the living room and had to ride it out his self this time. While I laid in the bed with my nephew,I just heard arguments and my mother crying saying,"This is the life I purposely wanted her to avoid!". After a while I fell asleep. I woke back up when I felt Jermaine's hands around me. "They left?",I asked him. He nodded in response to me. They probably wore him out so bad that he can't even answer to me. He rubbed my shoulder and I turned and faced him. "Do you want an abortion?",he asked. The question honestly shocked me, because from his expression when I told him that I was pregnant, made me think that he didn't want our kid. "I thought you didn't want it." He looked at me crazy. "When have I ever said that?", he asked with bewilderment. "It was your facial expressions, when I first told you.", I replied. He nodded. And that's all he had to say was a nod, because he know that I'm right. He looked straight down at me and smiled. "That was a shocked facial expression,and you can't talk because you was crying super hard.", he stated. I know I couldn't lie about that. "You don't understand that pregnancy means mood swings, bipolar, depression, weight gain, stretch marks, people thinking you're a hoe, and not to mention I'm going to lose a lot of friends Jermaine.",I explained. It was going to be hard for me walking in the doctor's with people making fun of me or just laughing at me straight up in my face. And I didn't even get on the thought of Jermaine leaving me for a care-free life. He shook his head. "Regardless of what they think of you,they gonna always talk about you. And as for friends, real niggas will stay with you until your last breath. Unless they paying a phone bill or something, then they some fake ass bitches.",He said seriously. I understand what he's trying to say, but it's gonna be hella hard because I have to carry around the evidence for nine months. And I understand what he's saying about these females, they get jealous over the simplest things and then want to voice an opinion when it's none of their business. "Even if I have to say this everyday for the rest of my life. I will never leave you or my kid for nobody. I love you,bae.",He said. I started crying and smiling at the same time. It's all cute and cuddly now, but when the baby comes we probably won't be able to get a break. Cayden started to crawl over me to get to Jermaine. They started smiling at each other and held him over his head and pretended to drop him. Cayden started laughing loudly. Jermaine smiled at him and hugged him. They looked so cute together, I hope he's like that with our baby. I just smiled, but smiling hides my worries for all of us. I watch a lot of 'Teen Mom' and '16 and Pregnant' on MTV. I see how Maci wishes her and Ryan were together or how Farrah's boyfriend ,Derek, had died before their daughter Sophia was born. Honestly, look how fast it took me to become pregnant,and I can just as easily be in their situation. I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I left the room and answered it. "Hello?",I answered. "Chanel, it's Carmen. I'm outside.",She said. I hung up and opened the front door. My older sister,Carmen, has no kids whatsoever and she doesn't intend to. She smirked as she sat down on the sofa and took her heels off. "Don't even try to explain, just let me talk first.",she said while holding her hand up. "Do you know how hard it is going to be for you?". I sighed, even though she is my sister, she still sounds like everyone else. "I know,but I'm not going to be by myself. I have Jermaine.",I pointed out. She stared at me. "Since you put it like that, what happens if Jermaine loses the job he has and has no money to provide for himself, much less a baby.",she exclaimed. I looked down at the carpet, because I didn't have a comeback. She was right, I can't just expect Jermaine to do everything. "Chanel, I'm not saying this to hurt you, but he can leave at any given moment and forget about you, while you're stuck with a baby while you're a baby yourself. Hell, actually both of you are!",She laughed. "I honestly didn't mean for it to happen,but I think I can handle it with Jermaine.",I replied. She looked at me in my eyes and shook her head. "How do you know he's going to stay, after-all, his word is all you have." "What is that supposed to mean?",I said as I felt slightly offended. She rolled her eyes and stretched out her legs on the sofa. "It means, don't sit around and wait for someone to do something, when you know you can do it yourself." I nodded, agreeing with her. "I brought someone that wanted to see you.",Carmen says. She slips on her heels and walks out the front door and closes it behind her. My eyebrow furrowed as I thought about different things and how will I be able to afford it on my own. The door opens and I see my middle school ex-boyfriend. I smiled to myself as I remembered Tyler Johnson back in the good days. He was always a wild child,but as soon as we got in the classrooms, nothing else mattered but his work. He looks fine,but I don't even want to flirt with him, because I am devoted to Jermaine. Caramel. Tall. Masculine. Fine. Sweet. "Hey,Chanel.",he said as he came and hugged me. I felt his huge hands slip to the small of my back. He was smooth, I'll give him that. "Hey, I haven't saw you in the longest time!",I said as he hugged me while touching my lower back. He seems just like the same player he used to be in 7th grade. A smooth talker/liar,with a beautiful smile. I guess over the years that beautiful smile got his ass into trouble since he has a Lumineers job on his teeth which he probably got knocked out. I can never trust him again. I feel mad all over again, and now I'm re-living the shit! I looked him in the eyes and he looked at me with a spark in his eyes like he wants to say something. "So how are you doing with everything and your girlfriend?",I asked while attempting a conversation starter. He smirks at me. "I'm fine and as far as a girlfriend, I'm single. Are you?" Really? Is he really hitting on a pregnant person right now? A non-single pregnant person at that? Maybe he doesn't know. "I'm with my baby's daddy right now.",I said confidently. His eyes bulged out of his head. Perfect I scared the shit out of him, now all I need is a quick getaway. "Speaking of which do you wanna meet him?" He shook his head so quickly, I thought it was about to fall off. "I gotta go, I'll see you around though." He almost ran through the door and when he got to the car, he looked back at the door shaking his head in disbelief. I turned around and went back to the bedroom where Jermaine was with Cayden. Jermaine was dressing Cayden in his matching Polo outfit. It was a white Polo shirt and jacket with black skinny and black Polo boots. It was cute how Jermaine really cared about Cayden. "What you getting him dressed for?",I asked him. He looked at me and shook his head. "Bae,this pregnant brain of yours got you trippin'.",he said. Since I was confused,I looked at him puzzled. "No food in the refrigerator, which means a nigga gotta eat.",he said. I looked at him and Cayden and started to walk back toward the bed. "Wait,where are you going?",he asked. "To Bed." "No,no,no, you have to come too."he exclaimed. I looked at this practically grown man like he was absolutely crazy. "What do you need me for? I'm tired,Jermaine."I cried. "I push the cart and hold the baby, while you pick out the stuff.",he explained. We walked down the aisles for thirty minutes with Jermaine and Cayden getting aggravated and impatient. "I picked out everything we need", I said as we neared the check-out section. I usually go in self-check out because the baggers don't know how to do their job right, but today I guess I'll have to  deal with it because those lines are to long for me. "I'ma go and get some cereal.", Jermaine said, while reminding me of what I forgot. I chose a semi-friendly looking girl who was moving quickly. "Hello, welcome to Publix! Do you have a Publix card?",the girl happily said. As soon as I gave it to her, she started scanning all of Cayden's baby food right away. I read her nametag that said,'Shay' and put her name to her face. She was medium height with a nice curly weave that brought out her caramel-mocha complexion and slim model figure. I had to give it to her, she was fierce.  She smiled at Cayden as she slid the items down to the bag-boy at the end of the counter. "He is adorable.",she cooed. I smiled and continued putting food on the conveyer belt to be scanned. After she was finished scanning almost all of the groceries, Jermaine finally comes through the line with two boxes of Captian Crunch cereal. Shay was happily scanning the boxes and she looked up and saw Jermaine. Her smile went to a frown when she saw him. I looked at her facial expressions as she looked from Jermaine to Cayden to me. Blast From The Past Shay  I cannot believe this the same motherfucker who I fell in love with and then he dumped me for another heffa! I can't believe this shit. I can remember how it all started. They met at a party and hit it off. Now as I'm looking at her, she's the girl. The light caramel skin with dark brown hair and eyes with a hourglass figure. This is pure bullshit! To top it off they have a little baby together? Oh,HELL NO. I'm probably getting my black ass fired today! Jermaine   What the hell do I get myself into? Why did I even come down this line? I am never coming to this damn store again. Everywhere I go I see my exes, but I'm not who I used to be! I'm about to have a baby and maybe in the near future, even a wife. I'm too old for the bullshit, I'm 19 and ready to grow up finally.  Chanel  I know damn well this is not a ex of Jermaine! I haven't eaten all damn day almost 2 weeks pregnant and we really about to have this 'Dr. Phil/exes battle' right here in the grocery aisle. Hoes these days are either raunchy or rachet,but this one deserves an award because she's both. Just looking at her making me so mad right now. This bitch taking her sweet and precious time scanning them two damn boxes of cereal.  Jermaine  The next thing I know I'm holding Chanel back from jumping across the counter and beating the hell out of Shay. 5 security guards came rushing to aisle 5 trying to pry Chanel's hands from around Shay's neck. Shay's eyes were popping out of her skull as if she was a bullfrog. Cayden sitting in the basket just looking at us with amazement.  I can't believe this shit. "Bitch! Scan the two boxes!", Chanel yelled at Shay. Shay was struggling, but Chanel has a strong grip on everything. Next thing you know, you can hear the alarm by the front of the store going off. A bunch of ghetto people were running out the door with baskets full of food that was not scanned. The security guards were to busy with Chanel and Shays' outburst to look behind them and catch the people.  Damn, I feel like I just popped a molly cause Chanel got me sweating.. Chanel     By the time we got home, all my ice cream, was melted and I was pissed the hell off. All the frozen wings I just bought, were ready to put in the oven. All that damn yelling at that girl got me tired and my voice hoarse. I feel as if I had sandpaper rubbing on the inside of my throat. I went upstairs and took a 30 min shower and when I got out Jermaine was waiting on the bed for me with a plate of wings for him and a chicken pot pie. "Awww, bae thanks.",I said. 15 minutes later, I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth while Jermaine put Cayden to bed. I was putting on my boy shorts when I realized that my shorts didn't come past my upper thigh. I struggled to get it to cover my red flame thong and it did. Barely. Jermaine came in and was eyeing me with my Victoria's Secret matching boy shorts,thong and bra. I dropped my pillow off the bed as I climbed on to cuddle next to Jermaine. I leaned over the bed to get it and I heard  a huge rip. I looked over at Jermaine thinking that he had farted,but he was laughing at me. I got off the bed and was walking to the mirror when I felt a breeze. I looked in the mirror and saw that I not only had my ass hanging out the top of the shorts, but I also rip the shorts I only wore once before right down the middle. "Damn, I just wore these for the second time!",I yelled disappointed. Jermaine got off of the bed and came towards me wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'm officially losing control over my body and I'm feelin a little insecure.",I madly stated. Jermaine rolled his eyes and looked in my eyes through the mirror. "I think it's sexy."   Feeling Good Jermaine    "I think it's sexy.",I said. And I honestly did think so. Chanel's titties and her ass getting bigger! Maybe her stomach getting bigger too,but I'll take it if it means her hormones taking control of her so easily. Just from her bending over, she busting through clothes that she just bought a few weeks ago. I had put my arms around her and leaned my head on her shoulder. She was always smelling like candy,flowers,or food. Today Chanel smelled like Coconuts,which is my favorite scent on her. Before I knew it I was nibbling on her neck and my hands were rubbing up and down her body. I was biting her neck and trailing kisses up to her earlobe. She was moaning like she was getting turned on. She turned around to face me and led me to the bed. She pushed me on the bed,so that I landed right in the middle with my arms and legs open. She started to take off my shirt while I kicked off my shoes and waited eagarly for her to get to my pants. After she was done taking off my shirt, she took off my belt in a swift movement and kissed me while I unbuckled my pants and slid down my boxer shorts with them. I unhooked her bra strap,licked her nipples and trailed kisses all the way down to her bellybutton. She moaned as I placed my hand on the inside of her thigh. As I was fingering her, I kissed her growing stomach. I slid the covers over our bodies, since Chanel was shivering. I got on top of her and entered her slowly but surely. She  moaned slowly as I entered her. As I increased my pace, she moaned more quickly. Her round titties were bouncing up and down each time I entered her. I took her virginity, so her walls were nice and tight. "Jermaine!",she screamed. I pulled out and looked down at her scrunched up face. Was I hitting it too hard? "Is it hurting your stomach or something?", I asked her. Chanel   Jermaine was looking worried as hell that I might be hurting. I actually need him to pick up the pace because ever since I have been pregnant, I get sleepy after anything. "Speed up.",I told him. He did a huge grin on his face that he does whenever he feels proud of himself. I continued moaning and screaming his name. The only things that Jermaine is good at is fucking and eating. Other than that he's useless, so I tend to put his talents to good use. "Damn.",Jermaine said as he was holding my leg up. You can actually tell when Jermaine gets tired because his moans and curse words turn into short pants for air like a furry dog in the summertime. I still feel insecure about my body in front of Jermaine because not too long from now, im going to have stretch marks,swollen feet,chubby face, and a huge watermelon stomach. I want to cry just thinking about it.  Jermaine and I came at the same time. He came inside me and it felt really good. I got up to take a quick shower while he went to the kitchen. I came back out and put the same clothes on since I only wore them for a minute and a half before taking it off to 'throw it back' to Jermaine. I am not about to squeeze back into that horrifying Victoria's Secret tank top and boy shorts set.  Instead, I just put on the bra and red flame thong. I turned the light off in my room and put the nightlight on in the hallway (in case Cayden wakes up) and quickly climbed underneath the covers. He came walking back into the room with a bottle of cold water. "You want some water?",he asked. I shook my head no and he shrugged his shoulders. I unhooked my bra, because it felt as if my titties were being crushed and I could barely breathe. Jermaine took his T-shirt off and climbed under the covers next to me. I couldn't sleep so I turned over and stared at the ceiling with a million thoughts racing through my mind. I flinched when I felt Jermaine's masculine fingers caressing the back of my neck. "What are you doing?",I asked him. "We both know that you are not going to sleep anytime soon.",he said. I rolled my eyes in the darkness. He was right, shit was picking my brain alive and I can't go to sleep. "What's wrong? I know you sleepy as hell cause you was falling asleep when we was fucking, but now you wide awake. Tell me.",He urgued me. He wrapped his arms around me so that it fell loosely around my stomach. I pushed his arm away from my stomach because I knew my stomach felt different and I didn't even want him touching my skin, so I really didn't want him touching my stomach. "So you have an attitude with me now?",he asked. I sighed heavily. "It's not you, it's just that I don't feel cute at all right now.",I admitted to him. "Chanel, are you serious?",he asked me. I looked over at him and wondered what in the hell was he talking about. "Your ass and titties just went up another size and you don't feel sexy at all?" I rolled my eyes as I thought about how much of a asshole he can be sometimes. "You are forgetting about stress, a high risk of depression, no more parties, my body will never be the same after this, my education, and babysitters, and again stress." I explained to him.  He was silent for a moment as he thought about all the things I just said. "What is the stress going to come from?",he asked.  That was actually a good ass question. "Well first off, balancing bills and education is hard as hell but with a baby on top of it just tops it and more stress about the college I'm going to be able to go to.",I whined. Jermaine     Hell I got to admit, I never thought of it like that. It's going to affect us in a lot of different ways. I remember when my dad first told me about the birds and the bees. "If you know you're in a situation where you can't take care of a baby, then wrap your shit up. I don't care how cute the little girl is, if you want to be staring at her lovely face for the rest of your life then strap your shit.",He said to me. I was the kind of kid that always was kissing girls and fingering behind the last bookshelf in the library, but never wanted to hit a girl because I was just to scared. It all changed once I met Chanel. She stood out because she was different and I liked that. She didn't flirt with every nigga who tried to spit game on her. She is not, will not and never will be a hoe. She's a lady, not just some random female who's name you can't remember except for when you need something from her. I'm officially settling down and if it don't work out then it don't work out between us, but I'm going to at least try. I want my kid to know that I'm going to try my best whether they like it or not. Even if Chanel does move on later in life, I'm still gonna be there for Chanel and our kid together. I'm not gonna be dipping on her ass. She just needs to let her guard down and trust me because I'm not here to hurt her. Chanel I am close to having a brain aneurysm. Seriously. I can't stop thinking about whether or not I'll be able to finish my senior year in college. After all, it's the start of thanksgiving break and in two days Jermaine and I will have to face all of our family members together to tell them what we plan on doing. The fucked up part about it is that we don't even know. I just want to be able to go to high school and get a diploma. I don't want to be a statistic where I can be one of the teen mothers that go to high school to drop out or get a G.E.D.  It's frusterating me so much, but I can't do  anything about it. I honestly keep thinking about how my life is going to be ruined but at the back of my head, I keep thinking about getting an abortion. I just don't want to bring another helpless little human being into a big situation. I just think it's slick right, but if I go through with the abortion, then I will have to come back home and face Jermaine. Eventhough this wasn't a planned pregnancy, I know that I will hurt the hell out of Jermaine's fellings if I abortioned our baby. It just wouldn't feel right.  This is the person that I am in love with, and may even marry one day. The fact that I'm pregnant with his baby, go get an abortion and come back home without warning him advance so he can flip out on my ass?  Oh hell, no. This is how domestic violence is started. The girl goes and does something stupid that she is going to regret one day and the boy has a bad reaction to it. I just want to continue to have the open and honest relationship that we have right now. I don't think that it's nessecary to lie and cheat with the person that you are currently dating. If you are cheating and sneaking around, then don't say it behind noone's back. You should be a real thug and tell them what's going on. I shook my head from side to side as I drifted off to sleep with Jermaine's arms wrapped around me.                                                                                                                          The Relationship Breakdown Jermaine    I woke up in the morning to all the damn hummingbirds and shit in the trees. I smiled as I looked over to my right to see Chanel's tired frame. With the covers on top of her, you can barely see her growing stomach. She was only 7 weeks now, but her belly is already forming. Chanel swears up and down that she looks fat but you can't even see her belly poking out with her clothes on. It kinda just looks like she ate a whole orange and it just dropped to the bottom of her stomach. I love her, but I just can't imagine settling down to a baby any time soon. I slowly rose from the bed and went to the kitchen to start making some waffles. It has been quiet in the morning time over here without Cayden's energetic self. Just playing with him makes me want a son. After I got done making my waffles, I went into the living room and turned on the tv. I didn't even bother making anything for Chanel because the first thing that she is going to do when she wakes up is throw up. I sighed as I looked at the tv at Maury looking at a dude cussing out a girl talking about he doesn't have no kids. I squinted my eyes at the flat screen looking at the girl, because she looked familiar. I honestly don't know her from a to z but her face looks so familiar. They both looked tense when Maury pulled out the envelope from under his chair. Just then, Chanel was coming into the livng room with just a towel around her. Her skin was glowing as she got out of the shower. "My show is on.",she said. I focused my attention back on the tv screen as Maury was about to read the results. "When it comes to 4-year-old Neaveh, ZenDarius, You are NOT the father.", Maury reavealed. ZenDarius jumped up while pumping his fists in the air. The cameras then started following the girl and she broke down crying on the sofa. Chanel frowned and shook her head at the girl. "I feel so bad when girls go on national tv to embarrass themselves.", She said sadly. I shrugged and laughed at the girl as she was apologizing to the dude that she thought was her babydaddy. I won't ever be embarrassed by a female like that.    Chanel      "Bae, you started to pack for tommorrow?", Jermaine asked me. I turned around and looked at him questionly.  "What's tommorrow?", I asked him. Was it a date because I needed that right about now.  "Tommorrow is Thanksgiving. You forgot already.", He replied. I just felt my face fall to a frown. "Why you don't like holidays?", He asked me. I sighed heavily, he just doesn't get it. "It's not that I don't like holidays, I just don't like family get togethers.", I explained to him. "Not every family was as easy-going as yours. You didn't have to see as much problems and drama and the rachetness. My aunt's career is a being a damn Con-Artist! Have you ever been in the presence of one? Hell do you even know what it is, Jermaine??!!??", I asked frantically. I paused and waited for his answer.  "Yea, you remember my cuzzo Peek-a-boo?", he asked. I shook my head. "No bae, Peek-a-boo is just a straight bum and when he tries to rob or something, he not good at it and he always gets caught.", I told him. His cousin is just a lonely bum. Jermaine started laughing like this was so damn hiliarious, but I guess I'm the oddball who doesn't get the joke. I smiled at him laughing. He's the only person in this world that can make me laugh the way he does. I smiled and walked back to the bedroom and packed my clothes in a suitcase to get ready to spend the thanksgiving weekend with my family and Jermaine's family. After I packed, I took a long shower and got in bed as I was trying to ready myself for tommorrow.   Jermaine                         I watched about three movies on BET after Maury went off, went outside played some basketball and came back inside to take a shower. After I got out of the bathroom, I saw Chanel sound asleep in the bed in our bedroom. I slipped into the bed beside her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I know that if Chanel was awake, she wouldn't let me get close to her. I rubbed my hands on her stomach. Her stomach is harder and her bump grew. I smiled as I felt her stomach growing with my kid. Eventhough I know that this is my kid, I still have a small amount of doubt way in the back of my head. I don't know what I would do if this baby was not mine. Chanel and I most likely won't be together. I wouldn't be able to look at a kid everyday, knowing that it's not mine. I can't get attached to  a kid that's not mines. I shook my head as I fell asleep feeling on what I hoped to be my kid in Chanel's stomach.                    I'm Thankful for....? Chanel                   I woke up and freshened up. I saw that Jermaine had already took our suitcases and was putting it in the car. I left the bathroom and got dressed into some other clothes. Jermaine was unplugging the stuff in the living room and hiding it in the closet. I made the bed and went to the kitchen to eat an orange. "Hungry?" I turned around to see Jermaine watching me closely witha smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and turned back around to focus more on peeling my orange, which I was unsucessfully trying at. I quickly got aggravated and threw it at Jermaine. "Here, just take it.", I said. "You want me to peel it for you?", He asked me. I shook my head no and headed to the car. Jermaine stopped to lock the door and activate the alarm. I got in the car and rested my body into the cushion of the seats. I am beyond nervous to meet the rest of Jermaine's family. His mom didn't really like me before I got pregnant, so if the rest of his family acts like his mom, I most likely won't address the situation in the right manner. I need a stress reliever. Jermaine           The ride to Chanel's family get-together was okay. It was a little tense but not to the point where we were terrified. It was a happy-nervous, but I know that would end soon when we start on the road to my  family's get-together. I just hope that everyone is cordial to each other and will act mature for once in their life.   Chanel is not ignoring me or anything, but she is distant from me. I wonder if my family is on her mind, because I know that it is has nothing to do with anyone in her family is cool.  Whenever Chenel is hurt; she laughs it off, acts as if it doesn't bother her or acts as if she doesn't see it at all. Her eyes, facial expressions and body language will snitch and tell you the truth. I shook my head, wondering what she could be mad about. I just hope it wasn't me. I almost crashed the car as I sat horrified in fear  that she found out that I have doubts in my own head about the baby. I won't be able to take the emotional wreck that she would become when I ask her if she has been with anyone alse and if I am sure that the baby is mine. I seem to already know how it's going to play out. I'm going to ask her, she gets offended, I get slapped or cussed out. she gets embarrassed, I get embarrassed and I realize that their was no point in asking this question. End of story. Point Blank.   Chanel       By the time I woke up, we were in the driveway of my Aunt Michelle's house. I looked at Jermaine and saw that he looked like he normally did, calm.  I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and saw that I was my hands were shaking. Im getting nervous and I want to stay in the car. I have on a light jacket that covers my stomach, but if I take off my jacket you can see my stomach with my tight-fitted shirt. I walked with Jermaine to the front door and we stood at the door together, staring at it.   Jermaine       As soon as we stepped in the house, all eyes were on us. First they looked at me, and then it was all on Chanel. I guess they were gossiping. Maybe they don't know that she is pregnant, and just want to know who I am and if we are together. That stopped the thought right in my mind when all the eyes went from my face to hers and then down to her stomach. They knew. I looked over at Chanel and her head was hung low to the ground. I thought that she had saw something on the ground, but I saw her hand move to her face to wipe away her tears. Shit she is crying and I don't know how to comfort her in front of her family. I held her hand and she lifted her head and lightly smiled at me. Her eyes were puffy and before I could tell her that it's going to be okay, she turned and walked upstairs,where noone was at. I looked at everyone as their eyes were following her. A dark-skinned lady got up off of the sofa to follow her, but I quickly jogged behind her. I heard her sobbing through a closed door so I opened the door quietly and closed it without her noticing. "Bae--", I started, but she cut me off. Chanel turned around to face me. "Tell me something and be honest." I looked at her while I was searching for a clue of what is going through her head at the moment. "Ask me.", I said as I looked at her with caution in my eyes. She looked down and looked back up at me again. "Are you thinking about leaving me?", She asked in all seriousness. I looked at her in disbelief. Is she serious right now?   Chanel          Jermaine was looking like I was playing some kind of trick to him. I am dead serious. I can't be with a guy who does not want to be with me. I want you to be with me for me, not for anything else that is not important. I can't even look at him. I walked to him and looked him in the eyes. "It's cool, you don't have to doubt yourself. I'm done.", I said. Jermaine's eyes widened at my words and his face scrunched up in confusion. As soon as I said the words, I regretted it, so I stormed away from him to prevent anymore angry words from coming out of my mouth. I left the room and ignored Jermaine calling my name. I walked into the dining room to find my family around the dinner table. "Aah! Chanel, what are you thankful for?", My snobby, aggravating, 31-year-old cousin, Rachel, asked me. Great, I thought as everyone turned to look at me. I know she was doing this on purpose because she knew that I knew that my whole family discovered my pregnancy. She is probably the one who spread my secret around the whole world. "Uum. I'm thankful for...another day that God has blessed me with.", I said. She narrowed her eyes at me and I smiled sweetly at her. "I heard you have other good news also.",She inquired. This bitch wanted to play games. "Oh how could I forget! I'm meeting Jermaine's family and we will probably be taking our relationship to the next level.", I lied. Before I can say anything else, I felt Jermaine behind me. He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. "I think she was asking for the other good news, baby.", he said. I looked at him with fear in my eyes. I know he wouldn't tell them that I'm pregnant. Rachel smiled at me in victory. "Chanel and I are thinking about settling down and getting married, having a family, stuff like that.", He said as he looked at me. I can't believe this asshole just did this.          Are We Together? Jermaine        Yeah, I said it. I just can't imagine Chanel slipping away from me so easily. I didn't even get to tell her about the girl who crushing hard on me, but now since Chanel tripping over me wanting to leave her; She doesn't need to know about her with her pregnancy hormones. She looked at me and rolled her eyes as I slid my arms around her waist, making sure that I avoid sqeezing her stomach too hard. I'm going to try my hardest to prove to her that I love her and will not leave her unless she wants me to. I led her out to the car and we left. I don't see a reason in going to my family's when they're going to critizize Chanel. I just drove us home and carried my babymama into the house and tucked her into the bed. Chanel      I woke up the next  morning feeling bad about myself. I shouldn't have treated Jermaine that way yesterday. I guess my hormones are getting the best of me. Got up, took a shower and called my sister, Camryn over to help me go through a full day of shopping. "Hey, Chanel.", Camryn said. I looked over to my bedroom door and saw that once again, she had let herself in the house. I smiled back at my sister. "Hey, Cam. I'm ready when you are.", I told her. She rolled her eyes and we got in her car. Cayden is at by his dad's for the whole Thanksgiving week. I wonder how that's going to turn out. When we got to Tanger Outlet, we picked a lot of cute snags and deals on things.  For going clothes-wise, I mostly bought  plain onesies for the baby, since we didn't know the sex and clothes for my post-baby body. I have to make sure I have no stretch marks on my stomach or any other part of my skin. I have to look cute this summer. I know I'm going to have to have the talk with Jermaine about what the hell was I thinking last night. I really didn't mean it. We got home an hour later, and Camryn had called Cayden's dad to pick him up from my place.   Camryn        I feel bad that my sister has to be bored and pregnant at home. Chanel doesn't even deserve to have a baby at a young age. I feel horrible for letting her go down this road, because my parents were so mad at me for getting pregnant. They said that Chanel will look at me and do the same exact thing. I laughed and rolled my eyes, but shit hit the fan when she found out that she's pregnant. We need to go out before my niece or nephew comes. I need to ask her questions and so many are going through my mind,but I can't do it without crying or getting frusterated so I need to keep my mind off of the negative side and keep it on the positive side. I'm scared for her.  I got dressed in a cute flowing, blue top and gray jeans with some matching blue heels. I waited for Chanel in the car. She came out with a long floor-length white dress that faded to gray at the bottom and white flats. The dress flows down her slender figure, making her stomach looking as if she isn't pregnant. We headed out to The Lounge and when we walked in, all eyes was on my little sister because she looks beautiful.  While we were dancing, I saw a couple dancing and doing shit that should be done in a room. The dude was feeling all on her small ass thighs and he is drunk as hell. Eventhough he isn't facing our way, you can tell that he is drunk and he kind of looks like somebody I know from behind , but I can't put my finger on it. I turned around and danced with my sister.   Chanel             I was dancing with my sister and all of a sudden I feel like someone is watching me. I turn around and see, Tyshon, one of the guys that always chills with Jermaine. He is a nice guy, but I'm with Jermaine and it will be disrespectful to see him while I'm with Jermaine.  He never told me that he had feelings for me, but I ended up having slight feelings for him. I ignored them and left them when I started liking Jermaine. I saw my sister staring at something that was behind me, but when she saw me trying to figure out what she was staring at, she turned her focus back to me and continued dancing with me. At first I was going to let it go, but her eyes kept traveling behind me in confusion. I turned around and followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at. I could tell Jermaine from anywhere in this world, but I pray that this man in the corner rubbing on this floozy isn't him.  Before I can stop myself, I was walking up to him and slapping him in the face. I couldn't even look him in the face when he realized that it was me and kept screaming my name. I can't believe this bullshit. Makes me wonder if we were ever together. Grown Apart Camryn      Eversince the feud with Jermaine, Chanel has been staying at my house. She refuses to have anything to do with Jermaine and I don't blame her. I feel heartbroken for her because I had to go through almost the same thing. She's numb. She won't even play with Cayden. All this stress and depression is not good for the baby. "Chanel, are you okay?", I asked. She looked at me and smiled softly. "I'm straight.",she replied. I know that she isn't and she's just trying to be strong for herself and her kid. I need her to tell me what is going through her mind right now.  Chanel      I can't think right, eat right, or even sleep good at night because of this. Jermaine has my mind messed up bigtime. I just can't imagine being without him, but at the same time I can't deal with him. I had took all my clothes and my ipad and laptop out of the house and have them over here at my sister's house. I need to get my own place away from everyone for a while and start fresh with just me and my baby. I need to find an escape out of this disaster. I just don't have the funds and I can work, but not at the good paying jobs because I'm pregnant. And if I do lie and get hired, I'll get layed off or fired for lying when they find out that I'm pregnant. I can't take this.   Jermaine         I fucked up badly.          **** Flashback****   I came home with my homeboy, Tyshon, and I walked through the front door of my house and he was going to stay the night because he lives two cities away from me. As we walked in, I thought that Chanel was sleeping because all the lights in the apartment was off. When we walked in the living room, I saw Chanel's Macbook gone and her keys were not on the table. I speed-walked into our room to find all the drawers from her dresser on the bed. Empty. I looked in the closet and saw that all her shoes were gone. I looked in the bathroom and saw all her stuff gone accept a few things that was piled on the corner of the long counter next to the sink. It was pictures of us together, and everything that I had bought her; earrings, necklaces and the my Obey shirt that she always wear to bed when she feels like it. "Man she'll be back in the morning, she just angry and all that fume will wear off.", I said to Tyshon. I can't even believe my own self as I was sayin it. I need to make it up to her when she calms the fuck down.   Tyshon        I honestly knew that this was going to happen. Jermaine is a good person at heart, but he does things that hurts Chanel without even realizing it. And the worst part about this is that Chanel just knows about this time and is not aware of him going to 'work' at night to fuck other hoes. I want to tell Chanel, but I also want to be true to my nigga and stay out of his bussiness and stay a true ride-or-die nigga. "If Chanel comes back, hit me up brah. I'm going to Shay's house.", he said before he left me in the apartment alone. I stood there as I registered what was going through my head. He just cheated on his pregnant girlfriend and instead of going to see how she doing, he goes to see how his hoe is doing. I left the apartment and got in my car to go find Chanel. I know for a fact that she's by her older sister, Camryn's house.  I need to give her hints for leaving Jermaine before he really hurts her.   It's For The Best Chanel   I am truly moving on with my life. I know that I am going to become a young mother, but because of my ex-boyfriend's ex-best friend, I can start over a whole different way. I was crushed when I saw him  hugged up on another girl. It made all my emotions come out and let it get the best of me. I shouldn't have gone at the girl at the grocery store like that, because I shoud have found out what the hell was going on. Now I completely understand everything. Not just what was going on with Jermaine and his unfaithfulness, but what Camryn and my family was trying to warn me about. I wish I can take back ever meeting Jermaine and his lies. I don't even want him around my kid when he or she is born.  I'm done getting played over and over again. I have never been dumped and that because every boy who I went with, has cheated on me and I had to dump them. I know many things will happen in my life that I won't agree with, but it's life and quite frankly; I'm just glad the Lord blessed me to let me see another day and sent a wonderful angel. Jermaine is non-existent in my life for the time being until he goes and complains to someone about why he doesn't see his child and I'm going to tell them. It' s about time I'm doing me and I think that it's for the best. Text: Bookrix-Edition Images: Bookrix-Edition This will not be copyed by anyone or it is known as plaigarism. Editing: Alexus Potier Translation: English All rights reserved. Publication Date: June 12th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-tweety96

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-j-m-hurley-the-dreamer/

J.M.Hurley The Dreamer "Where dreams become reality, and reality becomes dangerous" To all the people who have supported me in writing. Especially: My friends and Family, bookrix supports, ect. More On my Page For Dedications. Prologue Life can be hard. I should know that better than anyone. Another quality of life is that it’s weird. It’s weird because you think you know what’s going to happen then there’s a twist and next thing you know you’re all turned around and life isn’t so good anymore. But the biggest quality about life is that everything happens for a reason. There must be a reason why one minute I am fine and the next minute I'm running for my life. But I guess that's what you get when dreams become reality, and reality becomes dangerous... Chapter 1 I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. I looked in the steam-covered mirror and smiled. It was finally here. It was the first day of school for most kids but I literally lived at school. A boarding school named St. Julia’s was considered my only home then. I’ve lived here ever since 6th grade when my dad got promoted and we were forced to move away from our small town apartment. Since both my parents work, and my mother travels often, they decided to ship me away so they could continue living normally. They even had arrangements so that when everyone else gets to leave for summer, I stay here. Naturally I was rather bitter for awhile, after all, they did just send me off to be raise by someone else, but I got over it seeing as I’m not exactly the grudge-holding type. Originally I loathed St. Julia’s, but overtime I’ve grown to love it. After waiting for the whole summer with my only company being annoying teachers, a downside of living a school, I was dying to get some of my social life back. I was even excited to see my roommate, Stephanie. Stephanie had never really enjoyed my company but towards the end of the year she started to act like I existed and I was so desperate I’d play popular girl for the chance to talk to someone. It’s going to take more than acting, I silently reminded myself as I threw on some make-up and began to gloss my lips. Maybe Stephanie will forget about last year, to this I shook my head doubtfully, she really isn’t the forgiving type. I shuddered as I remembered the memories of last year. Her hate for me had all started when I was made her roommate instead of her best friend, Charity Windler. I’m still not exactly sure why she blamed me for our rooming situation, but she did unfortunately. She, along with her entire group blamed me, and from then on hated me. After Charity mysteriously dropped out I was certain that Stephanie and I’s relationship would improve, but if anything, it only got worse. But this year is going to be different, I reminded myself, maybe if I keep thinking that, I’ll actually start to believe it. I mentally kicked myself for that last thought and continued getting ready. I got dressed and neatly side braided my messy hair. Today I dressed in ripped blue jeans and a tank top. I grabbed my phone from my bunk and shoved it in my backpack. Then I headed out the door. I was almost down the 3rd staircase when Stephanie stepped in front of me. I could tell it wasn’t going to be like last year. Nope, she was going to hate me way more this year. I could tell, from the way her posy snickered and stared, that an insult was coming. “Hey roomie,” Stephanie said mockingly in her high soprano voice. “What’s with the homeless kid costume?” She asked pretending to look innocent like she hadn’t just slammed me. “Costume?” I asked trying to push past her blocking arms. “Uh! Rude much?” she yelled as I accidentally pushed her while trying to escape. I broke into a sprint, when I reached the bottom of the staircase more arms than I could count reached out and snatched me to the side. Suddenly hands were tugging my hair, shoving and pinching me. I tried to call out but a hand gagged my mouth. I felt a sharp blow to my legs and my knees buckled. A blow to my head made me close my eyes in pain and I tried hard not to focus on the throbbing pain in my shin. They didn’t bother picking me up they just kept hitting and kicking until suddenly I felt relief. The strong grip released my arm and I sprawled onto the cold tile.I heard footsteps and assumed they were walking away and I let out a sigh of relief. My ears were ringing and when I tried to open my eyes the room around me spun, so I stayed on the ground and waited for what must have been at least an hour until I heard footsteps. I tried to look up to see who was coming but found I was too exhausted to move. All of the sudden I was lifted into the air by a warm comfortable form. I struggled weakly for a few moments but after realizing they weren’t hurting me, I surrendered. I managed to force my head up and saw that my attackers were gone, which I took as good sign. “Waking up so soon?” A guy’s voice said and I lifted my head to see a gorgeous guy. He had sandy blonde hair, that reminded me of a beach, bright blue eyes the sparkled when he smiled and wore kakis and a white tee. “Yeah, how’d you find me?”I asked absentmindedly resting my head on his warm shoulder. “ Your attackers weren’t very quiet with their dirty work, I heard them plotting it.” He replied as I inhaled deeply and was pleasantly surprised by his sweet smelling cologne. Suddenly he set me down on a nurse’s bed and I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. “Thanks for rescuing me” I said staring at his piercing blue eyes. “Well I wouldn’t exactly call kicking a few guys in area’s we’d best not discuss, a rescue” he said, a heartbreaking smile spreading across his face. “ I only wish I wasn’t too late,” He said staring at my shin. I followed his gaze down to my shin and saw it was bloody and bruised. I met his worried gaze and smiled a little at his dismay for me. “I’m fine if anything I’m better than I’ve been all summer,” I said trying to joke but failing miserably. I’m Summer Charard,” I said extending my hand then seeing it was cut pulling it back quickly. But not quick enough, he noticed. “Your hurt,” He said, it wasn’t a question but a statement. “Normally when someone introduces themselves to one another it is expected for the other to state his or her name,” I said sarcastically. “Well in that case, Zane VanLouge,” He said smiling at my joke. “Well, Zane, I think it’s only polite that I thank you for your service,” I said. But before he could respond a school nurse came in and shooed him out. But before he left he poked his head in and said,” I guess I’ll see you later, Summer.” “Yeah,” I replied my cheeks turning a rosy red. Chapter 2 The Nurse ran some quick tests then, coming to the conclusion that I was fine, allowed me to follow her to the counter to check out. “Your first class is History and you can pick up your schedule from that boy who accompanied you today,” the nurse stated as I signed the last health form. “Thanks” I replied as I waved and then slipped out the door. to make sure nothing was broken then sent me on my way. I crept down the hallway till I reached my first classroom. Even though history is my worst and least favorite subject I couldn’t have been any happier to be in a safe controlled area even if it meant I had to get tortured with boredom. As it turned out my so called safe savior failed. As I walked in I noticed that Stephanie’s zombies were in the class but the head zombie herself wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Then I saw him. Zane was sitting in the back reading a text book and I noticed how adorable he really was. He smiled silently to himself and his usually hidden dimples showed themselves. I could’ve stood there all day just staring at him but Stephanie’s crew was beginning to notice my presence and as it turns out they weren’t very happy that I’d been saved. “Hey Blondie, how’s the shin feeling?” a bulky guy asked turning around to face me. I recognized him now, Tyler Droda, Stephanie’s current boyfriend. “Just fine thanks for asking Tyler, “I replied not giving him the satisfaction of my fear even though I was terrified on the inside. “ You aren’t going to escape this time, “Tyler said stepping forward. I backed up and bumped into Zane. “No, you aren’t going to touch her this time,” Zane said gently pushing me behind himself. “Whatever, your little boyfriend won’t be around all the time, Summer,” Tyler said sliding back into his seat again. Zane led me to the back of the room and offered me the seat next to him which I took gratefully. “Ignore those jerks,” He said as the zombies started to throw spit wads at me. “Thanks for sticking up for me,” I said looking up at him and smiling, “it means a lot.” “No problem,” He said and handed me an envelope. "That’s your schedule, the nurse asked me to pick it up for you.” I took the envelope with a shaky hand. What if Stephanie was my roommate again? Would I get stuck with one of her followers? There was only one way I’d find out. I opened the letter and read: Dear Miss Summer Charard, Your roommate will be Sierra Coblik. In room # 215.Your schedule will be on the sheet following this letter. Your belongings have been transferred for you already so all you need to do is unpack and you should be able to accomplish that during your lunch break. I have already been informed of the incident that occurred earlier and I have informed you parents who were very worried and I would highly suggest assuring them of your well health after this letter. Best regards, Ms. Kelly 1. History 2. Algebra 3. Art 4. Lunch 5. Self Defense 6. A.P. Chemistry 7. Dance 8. ELA I folded the letter and put it back into the envelope then turned towards Zane. “Do we have any classes together?” I asked silently begging him to say yes. “Any? We have every class together,” He said smiling as my jaw dropped. “Every class? That’s like impossible,” I said gawking at him. “Well then I guess I’ll have to tell them to change it,” He said pretending to get up. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. “No way, I need my personal savior around,” I said sounding a lot more confident then I felt. “Well would you let your personal savior hang out with you tonight,” He asked shooting me a smile so cute I could’ve died and I wouldn’t have cared. “Well I do sort of owe him don’t I,”I said feeling my cheeks turn bright red. Had he just asked me out? He’s So Cute! I thought to myself. I smiled shyly and winked at him. “I’m taking that as a yes,” Zane replied his smile brightening at the outcome of his invitation. Chapter 3 So there I was. It was 5:30, a half an hour before my ‘date’, and I still didn’t know what to wear. I curled my light blonde hair into ringlets and started powdering my face as I tried to find something to wear. Only problem was that when Ms. Kelly transferred my belongings she messed everything up I couldn’t find anything. Finally I found a navy blue sundress that complimented my pale skin. As I finished up with my preparations I heard a knock on the door and my heart skipped a beat. I walked over to the door and opened it with clammy hands. There stood a Blonde Valley girl. “Hi, you must be Sierra, I’m Summer,” I said extending my hand towards her. “Oh I know who you are, you’re the girl who escaped Stephanie,” She said shaking my hand energetically. “Congrats, I hate her too,” She added stepping into our room. “You looking for something or are you just really messy?” She asked scanning the clothes covered room. “I was but I found it, sorry about the mess I’ll clean it up when I get back,” I said grabbing my jacket off the dresser. “When you get back? Where are you going?” She asked turning away from the mess. “Zane Invited me out for a evening stroll,” I replied hearing the pride in my voice. She looked up, confused, then asked, “Zane?” and before I could answer she continued, “Oh! You mean the tall, blonde, new guy, right?” She said. I nodded at her, and smiled at her description of him. “Oh ok then you go and have fun,” She said turning to give me a wink. “What?” I asked desperate not to be late but curious. “Well he’s not too hard on the eyes if you know what I mean,” She said smiling mischievously. Before I could reply there was another knock on the door only now I knew who it had to be. I opened up the door and used the handle to steady myself. Zane stood in the door way looking so handsome I almost had to look away. “Are you ready for our walk?” He asked as he looked me up and down the smiled, obviously satisfied. We went out for an evening stroll near the campus lake. After the half an hour of walking I had to take off my heels to relieve my aching feet. Though most guy would take a girls walking around barefoot with her shoes in her hands a total turn-off, Zane said it was cute. After a while of strolling we gave up with it and sat by the lake. We talked about every topic from the weather to debating alien life. With every new topic Zane found a new way to make me laugh. “So you actually got fired from fry cook,” I said giggling flirtatiously and dipping my toe into the water. “Yes, a bit embarrassing isn’t it?” He replied laughing with me. “Maybe you should try pro wrestler,” I said, “You took down my attackers pretty well,” I add laughing awkwardly. Zane’s smile disappeared masked with a new serious face. “You shouldn’t joke about that,” He said pulling his feet out of the water. “I didn’t mean to make you upset,” I said getting up and brushing myself off and mentally kicking myself for ruining the mood. “I just don’t want you getting hurt again,” He said looking over as Stephanie and her cronies walked out. “We should go now,” He said grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the opposite door. “That’s right you better run,” Tyler yelled. Zane’s back stiffened and his body began to tense. “Ignore him, let’s go,” I said uselessly trying to pull him into the building. “No you go ahead, I’m going to stay here,” He said pushing me inside and shutting the door behind me. I pushed against the door, desperate to stop him, but it didn’t budge. So I waited. I just stood there and prayed that he’d come through the door soon. I had to wait about 10 minutes before the door whipped open and I had to step back to avoid getting hit. Tyler and Stephanie burst through the doorway and from the dark corner I was hiding in I could just make out her comforting him. They were oblivious to the fact I was in the hallway. They didn’t stop moving or even pause in their steps, just kept going down the hallway, and then darted into the nurses office. Then Zane walked through the door and I gasped. His shirt collar was soaked with blood and his knuckles were tore and oozing blood. “Oh My God! What happened? What did he do to you?!” I screeched touching my hand to his chest where it was covered in blood. He didn’t wince under the pressure so I figured that was a good sign. “That’s not mine,” He said indicating the blood on his chest. “What about that?” I said pointing to his raw knuckles. “We got in a fight and I got a swipe at his face, no big deal.” He said squeezing my hand. “You hit him?”I asked. “Yeah, I think I broke his nose,” He replied then seeing my look of horror he added,” Only because he threatened to hurt you.” “So you were protecting me?” I asked feeling rather flattered. “Yeah, now it’s getting late so I better get you home,” He said sliding his arm around me to guide me towards the door. When we got to my dorm he stopped walking and pulled me up against the wall. “Promise me you’ll try to stay safe,” He said his face so close I could smell his cinnamon scented breath. “Promise,” I said Inhaling deeply. “O.K.,” He said letting his arms fall to his sides. “Well, bye,” I said dumbly then turned towards the door to cover up some of my awkwardness. “ I had a wonderful evening,” He said pecking me on the check, “have a good night,” and with that he disappeared down the hallway. Chapter 4 I just stood there for while, processing everything that just happened. I thought I was going to stand there all night until I heard the night wardens. Knowing how much trouble I’d be in if I was caught up and about past curfew, I quietly slipped into my room. I did a quick scope of the room, noting that most of the mess had vanished, a good sign. My eyes fell upon Sierra who was quietly snoring, fast asleep, in dream world now. Then I realized how nice she’s been she gave me advice, cleaned up my mess, and didn’t fuss over me leaving. Maybe all roommates are like that, though I’d never know, I’ve been stuck with Stephanie my whole life. I pulled off my shoes and slipped under the warm sheets. Not bothering to change because I smelled like him, I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was dreaming. But I realized all to soon that I wasn’t having a dream, no, I was having a nightmare. Chapter 5 I was falling into a never ending dark abyss. When my feet hit the ground, my knees buckled and I fell forward onto a hard, rough surface. I felt the tiny rocks underneath me and came to the conclusion that I was lying on gravel. I pushed myself up with my hands, spitting mud and pebble out of my mouth. I finally got it together enough to stand. As I looked around I spotted a light in this pit of never ending darkness. I took a step forward but feeling my knees turn to jello I just sat down. I was about to try standing again when I saw a figure approaching me. “You’re one of them,” He said his voice deep and rough, he scared me and his voice sent shivers down my spine. “One of what?” I asked deeply confused by his accusation. “To powerful….deadly…..must die,” His voice was low and hushed and as I tried to hear what he was saying I began to grasp what his previous words were. “Must die? What are you-” But he cut me short as he pulled a knife out of his long trench coat and lunged forward at me. I closed my eyes and screamed, sounding even more terrified then I actually was. I braced myself for the blow, I even felt the knife pierce my skin and sink deep down my chest and into my arm. I cried out in pain, and readied myself for his next attack when I was pulled out of my nightmare, and everything disappeared. Chapter 6 I bolted straight up in bed. I was completely tangled blankets and was drenched with sweat. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself but I only managed to make myself hyperventilate. “I tried to wake you up,” Sierra said startling me with her presence and making me jump. “Did I wake you up?” I asked, feeling like the worst roommate ever. “To be honest, I doubt there’s anyone who you didn’t wake up within a mile from here,” She said turning on a lamp so we could see better. “Was I that bad?” I asked as I started to untangle myself from my mess of blankets. “ Let’s just you would win the part of horror movie scream girl, hands down,” She said trying to lighten my mood, but not getting very far. I couldn’t even bring myself to smile, I was still too stunned from my crazy dream to respond how I normally would. “Probably not the first time you’ve heard that before though, right?” She asked snapping me back to reality. “Yeah it’s definitely not, say what time is it?” I asked desperate not to go back to sleep, no matter what the time was. “About 5:00, but if you want company I can stay up with you,” She said climbing onto my bunk, as if to prove her point. “ Whoa! That’s one nasty cut you have there!” She said then pointed to my chest, then moving her finger in the air down my arm as if the trace the cut in the air. I followed her gaze down to my right arm where a long, deep, red cut was present. I heard Sierra gasp as she too just realized that it was still fresh and gushing blood. “God! How did that happen? Is that fresh? Do you need to see the nurse?” She asked talking so fast her words were jumbled together. “I don’t know how it happened, yes to it being fresh, no to having to see the nurse.” I replied having already spent an hour earlier in the day in the infirmary I wasn’t looking forward to spending another. “Are you sure? It looks pretty deep. What if you need stitches?” She asked observing how far the cut went into skin, which was a fairly great amount. “No, I’m fine really I’m-,” I started but I was cut off by a loud click and our door swinging open. Ms. Kelly stood in the doorway dressed in her nightgown and looking slightly disheveled. In her right hand she held a key and in the other she clutched a cell phone. Her fingers were resting on the phones key pad, ready to dial at any sign of danger. She silently put the key back into her pocket then produced a flashlight from her pocket to replace it. She clicked it on and a bright light flashed Sierra and I in the face, then it clicked off. She walked over and flicked our light switch so our room came to life. I took a moment to examine my arm in the light. Sierra was right, I would definitely need stitches. But I wasn’t concerned about that, I was concerned why I had a mark on my arm in reality when I got cut in a dream. I heard Ms. Kelly gasp and I looked up to see her frightened eyes bulging as she saw my arm. “Oh My! Summer, why don’t you let me help you climb down and then we need to get you to the nurse,” She said grabbing my good arm and helping me down from my bunk. Ms. Kelly didn’t let go of me until I was lying down, safely on the nurses bed. She kept the frightened look on her face the whole time the nurse ran tests. She only left the room once, to call my parents. When my parents arrived things began to get out of control. My dad demanded to know who did it, and my mother wanted to know why they did it. When I didn’t answer either of them my parents panicking began to turn quick to anger, and they ended up leaving me alone awhile so they could cool down. Ms. Kelly came in, after I’d had some time alone, sat down on the bed, and grabbed my hand. “Now sweetie,” She said sugar coating her voice, “How exactly did this happen?” She asked her face smiling but I could hear the hidden urgency in her voice. “I’m sorry but I don’t know, I know it sounds crazy but I has having a wacky dream and then woke up screaming with a bloody cut on my arm,” I replied and hearing the craziness of my own story I blushed, embarrassed. “Wacky Dream? You didn’t mention that you’d had a weird dream. Care to elaborate?” She asked telling me with her gaze that it really wasn’t up for question whether I wanted to tell her or not. “ I was walking on stilts, then one of them got caught in quick sand. So I was sinking and to save myself I jumped off. But when I jumped I fell into a hole and I was falling so I started screaming, then I woke up.” I said. I don’t know why I lied to her, but my gut instinct was telling me that it was important that she didn’t know the truth. “As highly likely as that dream sounds, I have a feeling your holding back some crucial details,” She replied her gaze changing from sweet and warm to cold and icy. “Well, I bet Summer would remember more details after a nice warm bubble bath, and a warm breakfast,” My mom said saving me from Ms. Kelly’s interrogating. “Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Ms. Kelly said getting up and brushing her skirt off, “Oh and Linda,” She said, addressing my mom, “I promise you this won’t go without punishment.” Chapter 7 As I stumbled down the hallway, I took a good look at everyone passing by. Even though I’d dreamt his face, it seemed so familiar, so familiar I’d almost convinced myself that he was real. Almost. But deep down, my sanity remained, and I knew that man or no man, dreams are dreams, not reality. But that still didn’t explain the cut. I was still trying to figure out a logical reason about my cut when I stumbled into a chest so solid with muscle it could be mistaken for a wall. I knew a chest this buff could only belong to one person, Zane. I flirtatiously flipped my hair without looking up and said, “Why hello there stranger,” in the sexiest voice I could manage. But when I looked up expecting to see Zane’s familiar bright blue eyes I found myself, instead, looking into a pair of beautiful sea green eyes. “Pardon me, I wasn’t watching where I was walking,” He said his voice ringing like chimes. “Oh, um, no that’s fine, so are you an exchange student?” I asked referring to his slight British accent. “No, legal American,” He replied making my cheeks flush bright red in embarrassment. “Do you need help getting somewhere?” He asked after an uncomfortable silence. “Oh, no, just heading down for breakfast,” I replied. “Well,” He said as a mischievous grin made itself present on his face, “that’s exactly where I’m going. May I escort you?” He asked bowing down like a English gentlemen. “Sure,” I said laughing at my, oh so clever response as he links his arm through mine and we walk down the hallway catching many glances, but to caught up in talking to care. Chapter 8 “So what’s your name?” I asked between mouthfuls of food. “Kyle Landon,” he said, “and you must be Summer Charad.” “Indeed I am ,” I said not stopping to wonder how he knew who I was. We talked small talk, about things like the weather and upcoming exams. Kyle was funny, and when I laughed, the smile didn’t feel fake on my face. He almost made me forget about the man’s face. Almost, but not quite. “ So how’d you get that nasty cut?” He asked smiling innocently but there was something hidden behind his expression that made the hairs on back stand on end. I opened my mouth to tell him my story/lies but found I couldn’t speak when I looked across the cafeteria. There Zane stood. Pain visible across his face, it hurt me to think that I may be the cause of that pain. But I haven’t done anything wrong , I thought to myself, I was only talking to Kyle and it’s not like we’re dating anyways. “Excuse me,” I said to Kyle as I got up and started walking towards Zane. As I got closer I realized that I’d mistaken his expression for pain when instead it was panic. I quickened my pace and as soon as he saw me coming he quickly hurried over to me. “Are you okay?” the tone of his voice so urgent that it worried me. “Yeah, of course I am,” I said my eyes looking at him question, “I’m fine,” I said again, pulling off my cardigan and fanning myself. “Woo! It is really humid in here, want to go grab a drink or something?” I said about to start walking toward the drink cooler until I saw the look on his face, then stopped abruptly. “What now?” I asked feeling a bit annoyed. “How did that happen, and in what world is it ‘ok’?” He demanded motioning to the ugly, jagged cut that would forever remain on my chest and drag down to just above my elbow. “I’m serious Summer!” Zane said his expression stony. “Hey SS have a good sleep?” Stephanie said strutting past us, laughing with her crew of robots, who of course thought she was hilarious. “SS?” I asked regretting opening my mouth as soon as the words were out. Stephanie halted and spun around to face me. “ I only have 3 things to say to you,” She said and her robots held back giggles of anticipation. “1. You do not under any circumstances talk to me. I talk and you listen. “2. SS is for Summer’s Scars because of that ugly marking you have now,” She said pausing to allow anyone watching to laugh at me then continued,” and 3. You better watch your back because this is my school and no way in Hell are you going to take it from me.” And with that she flipped her hair over her shoulder and strutted away, shaking her hips so much I thought she was going to ‘booty bump’ one of her cronies but they quickly moved out of her way. Chapter 9 “Look can we just talk about this later?” I asked, “class is going to start soon.” Then, as if to prove my point, the bell rang and students began to slowly clear the premises. “We have every class together, I’m sure you could explain on the way,” Zane said staring at me with those bright blue eyes of his that sparkled in a way that made me catch my breath and I couldn’t help but cave. “O.k.,” I said beginning to walk with him to our first class. Then I told him everything. I blurted my entire being to him and he just nodded and never interrupted me or told me I was crazy. It took me all day to tell him the full story and when I was finally finished he was walking me to my room. “You lied to Ms. Kelly,” he said. “Yes,” I said wondering for a moment if he was going to tell her. “But you didn’t lie to me,” he said. It wasn’t a question, simply a statement but I answered him anyway. “No, I didn’t. I told you the complete and totally insane sounding truth.” “Why?” He asked cutting me off and turning around to face me. “Why didn’t you lie to me?” He asked again looking at me with questioning eyes. “Because I don’t have to,” I blurted and then without thinking I continued, “when I’m with you I don’t have to pretend I’m something I’m not, you don’t judge me,” I said smiling up at him. “No, no I can’t judge you Summer,” He said stepping in closer to me, “not when your personality is so bright and colorful.” I blushed deeply; I’d never had a guy compliment my personality so greatly. “You’re beautiful Summer, you know that?” Zane said staring at me with such awe that I had to look away. “You don’t mean that,” I said looking down and shrugging shyly. “No, I really do,” He said and as his words sank in I leaned into him and closed my eyes. When our lips met there was a kind of passion there that I’d never even imagined. He kissed me gently as if he was afraid he’d hurt me but as I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my body against his, his kissing became more powerful and urgent. “I hate to interrupt your um personal yet still public ‘hangout’ but I kind of want to get into my room,” Sierra cleared her throat shyly as my cheeks took on a new rosy color and I untangled myself, unfortunately, from Zane. “Thanks,” She said as she stepped around us and went into our room. “That was embarrassing,” I said putting my hands over my face to cover my bright red cheeks. “I think it was worth it,” He said pulling me close and wrapping his arms around me. “I should go talk to her, she looked kind of upset,” I said sighing. “Yeah, okay. Hey listen, if you have another dream like that tell me, okay?” He said, his face suddenly serious again. “Yeah, of course,” I said, “well I’ll talk to you later,” I said giving him a quick peck on the cheek and opening my door and stepping in. I closed the door behind me quickly, but not quickly enough to catch the movement in the shadows right where Zane and I had been standing just seconds ago. Was someone spying on us? I wondered silently but then forgot all about my dreams, and creepy shadow figures. Instead I just concentrated on my new best friend. Chapter 10 Sierra and I talked for awhile and turns out she was fine, just a little homesick. Her mother was on vacation in Panama and doesn’t know the first thing about a cell phone so Sierra hasn’t talked to her in over two weeks. We talked more, and I tried to comfort her but there was an awkward silence in the air. “So,” She said breaking the uncomfortable silence, “are you and Zane a ‘thing’ now or what?” She asked and I realized I wasn’t really sure. Yeah, I like him and I am quite sure he likes me too, heck just hours ago we’d been kissing, but does that really mean he's mine? I was positive that Zane wasn’t interested in anyone else but me, but did that mean he actually wanted to be with me? My head began to spin as questions began forming and multiplying in my head. “Um, Earth to summer?” She asked pulling me out of my thoughts. “Oh, yeah,” I said sounding really stupid and unsupportive. “Yeah you’re a couple or yeah your back on Earth?” She asked making me giggle. “Yeah I’m back on Earth, as for the other question you know as much as I do,” I said feeling totally confused. Sierra must have noticed my sigh because she laughed and said, “ Well I guess we’ll find out with time to come,” and then quickly dropped the topic, thankfully. “I’m kind of tired so I’m going to take a nap,” I said climbing up onto my bunk and snuggling down under my blankets. As I laid down my head and closed my eyes I fell asleep almost instantly into what I hoped was a dreamless sleep. Chapter 11 I dreamed I was lying down. Whatever I was lying was hard and odd, my guess was a slab of concrete. There must be torches or candle around me, I thought silently, because I can feel the heat radiating from something to me. I opened my eyes and saw my guess was surprisingly accurate. I was lying on what look like a bed of rocks and ceremonial candles glowed in the dimly lit room. “So you return,” said a distinctly familiar voice and my shoulders tensed as I felt a stab of fear. I whipped my head around and bravely met his piercing green eyes. “As do you,” I said making sure to keep the trembling fear out of my voice. “No,” he said smiling darkly, “I’ve been here, it is you who chooses to keep returning.” “You’re Wrong!” I said sounding like a defiant little girl.“I don’t want to be here! I don’t want you here!” I yelled sitting up more and noticing that his face had a look of amusement on it. “Oh I’m sure you don’t,” he said, “but you don’t really have a choice, do you?” and with that he lunged at me and grabbed my wrist. Using his hold on my wrist he flipped me over and made my head smack against the hard concrete. “Get off of me!” I said kicking and punching blindly. When I made contact I heard him gasp and felt his grip loosen on my arm. I took advantage of his weakened grasp, and slipped my arm from his grasp while he tried to recover from my blow. I ran as fast I could down the hallway till I reached a large wooden door. I flung it open and then everything went black and the only thing left of the dream was a small cut on the back of my hairline and an odd looking bruise on my wrist. Chapter 12 The rest of my sleep was surprisingly peaceful. When I awoke it was still dark out and my clock read 5:45 A.M. Had I really only slept that long? It’d seemed a lot longer than a mere 7 hours. I sighed, it was to early to call Zane and no one else knew the true story. My phone vibrated against my thigh from the inside of my sweats pocket. I pulled it out and peered tiredly at the ultra bright screen. I had over 7 voicemails in my inbox and all of them were from my parents. I sighed as I listened to them, each more panicked than the first. All they did was worry, even when I was young they were always worriers. I swear my mom could get an ulcer just from me arriving late for something. I knew it was early, well very early, but I hurried and dialed their number, knowing that they wouldn’t rest until I called. It barely even rang once before my mom picked up. “Summer? Summer is that you? Are you okay? What took you so long, honey?” My Mom’s questions were coming so fast they began to merge and I decided to just wait until my mom was done talking. When she finished talking she sounded tired and out of breath. “Summer, are you there?” she asked and before she could start babbling again I quickly answered, “Oh yeah, I’m here mom. Don’t worry, I’m fine,” I said but looking down and seeing my wrist made me shift guiltily. “How’s the cut healing?” She asked and from the exhaust in her voice I guessed she’d been up all night worrying about me. “Oh Mom! It’s fine, actually it’s just a scar now. You’re the one who I’m worried about! You need to get some rest,” I said feeling, not for the first time, like I was the mother and she was the daughter. “Oh, honey I guess you’re right, I probably should get some rest,” She muttered mostly to herself. “Well I’ll let you go now honey, I just wanted to make sure you were alright, call me if anything else happens, and take care honey.” “Bye mom,” I said then hit the end call. I hadn't meant to make my talk short with her but she’d sounded exhausted and I still needed to call Zane. I thought of how worried Zane would be and that I shouldn’t rule out the possibility of him rushing over here. So I decided against just calling him right away and instead grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom to take the longest bubble bath ever recorded. Chapter 13 By the time I got out of the tub, and had myself looking ‘presentable’ it was 7:30. I figured I’d given Zane enough time to sleep in, so I grabbed my cell and started to dial his number. “It’s a little early for calls, don’t you think?” Sierra said sitting up drowsily sitting up and giving me a questioning look. “Oh, did I wake you up?” I asked, completely avoiding her question. “No, my alarm did,” she said matter-of-factly then added, “and you didn’t answer my question.” I sighed, Sierra really was a good person. Heck! She was the greatest roommate a girl could ask for. Didn’t she deserve the truth? Yes she did, unfortunately I wasn’t brave enough to tell her. So I did what I’d been doing ever since I had that first dream. I lied. “Yeah, it’s still pretty early but Zane wanted me to call him right after I woke up,” I said, which wasn’t a complete lie. “Okay,” She said looking unsatisfied with my answer. Since she was suspicious I knew Sierra would be watching my every move so I decided to make my message to Zane short and sweet. “Hey Zane, it’s Summer. Yesterday you asked me to call you, you remember that, right? So anyways here I am, call me back if you want to talk more. Bye!” I said and quickly hung up the phone and silently questioned my message. Would he be able to understand what I was telling him? Or would he think I was just a freaky, clingy girl who called guys way to early in the morning? I sat on my bunk thinking of all the worst case scenarios when Sierra suddenly got up. “I’m going down for breakfast, have fun being hungry,” She said walking towards the door then pausing and turning around. “Though I suppose when your with a guys like Zane, hunger doesn’t matter, neither does the truth,” And with that she walked out. “Ugh!” I said exasperated, “I’ll have to deal with her later. She really does have a lot of reasons to be mad at me. I guess I can’t blame her. Oh goodness. I’m talking to myself.” I sighed; maybe I’d really lost it. Heck! I think anyone might act rather insane after having a dream like mine. “Sometimes we talk to ourselves when we feel like no one is there to listen.” Zane’s voice surprised me so much I nearly jumped and I had to catch my breath as he continued from where he was standing in the doorway. “You know I’m always here if you need someone to listen,” He said stepping in and closing the door behind him. “Of course I do,” I said turning around and was yet again shocked by his extreme beauty. “Pardon me,” He said reminding me of an English gentleman from the 1800’s. “But your message has left me a bit confused. I’m afraid I don’t understand what you were trying to tell me.” He finished, his sparkling blue eyes tainted with looks of confusion. “Yes,” I said pausing to get my bearings, “and I have a lot to tell you.” And with that I started to tell him my story, a story that was so utterly and unbelievably strange that I myself doubted it was true. Chapter 14 When I finished we just sat there. I hoped Zane would understand, that he would have a solution to my nightmares, but he just sat there. Unmoving and silent. “You said you hit your head, are you okay?” he asked finally, breaking to uncomfortable silence. “Yeah, it’s just a little sore,” I said then unconsciously rubbed my wrist then grimaced from the applied pressure. I checked to see if Zane had noticed but he wasn’t look at me. He was looking straight ahead of him, and there was a distant look in his eyes, almost as if he was blocking out this world and was entering another. “What do you think they are?” I asked and as soon as I spoke the words I saw fear flash across his face. But as quickly as it came, it was gone, replaced with a calm, preserved look. “Summer, they are simply bad dreams,” He said, and with every word my heart began to crumble. “It’s childish to think that they are anything more than that,” He said his voice cold and harsh. “How do you explain my injuries then?” I demanded beginning to feel my pulse quicken like it always does when I get angry. “You’re a restless sleeper,” he said, his voice still calm and emotionless. “You don’t get it!” I shouted at him, feeling tears begin to form in my eyes. Why had I thought he would understand? Yes, He’d listened once but did he really care or even understand? No, no he didn’t care. “Summer, it’s childish to fight about this,” He said. “What happened to being here? What happened to listening?!” I yelled feeling the tears begin to spill out over my eyes. “I have listened Summer, let me know when you have something other than childish tales to tell me,” And with that he walked out, leaving me standing there, tears running down my face, and my heart broken in two. Chapter 15 When Kyle found me I was lying on the floor sobbing and tears streaked my face. “Summer? Summer, what’s wrong?” he asked walking over and crouching next to me. “Life,” I sobbed. Kyle sighed and pulled me close into his comforting embrace and there we sat for hours. I sat there, with the comforting smell of Kyle’s cologne and I cried. I cried for the hurt of Zane’s words, for the fear that haunted me every time I went to sleep, for the hatred that radiated at me from Stephanie and most of all for the confusion of why it felt so right in his arms, Kyle’s arms. But aren't I Zane’s girl? I doubted I was, after the talk we’d just had, and after what he said, I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to be his girl. After hours of crying and self pity I got up and began wiping my smeared mascara off my face. “Are you feeling and better?” Kyle asked taking the washcloth from me and carefully removing the rest of my make-up. “I just feel num now,” I said as he wrung the cloth out and threw it into our hamper. “And that’s good, right?” He asked, turning to face me. “It’s neither good nor bad. It just means I’m done with my pathetic self pity,” I said. “Sometimes we deserve self pity,” he said stepping towards me. “What happened to your wrist?” He asked and though his words made me want to break down into tears again, I stood strong, and repeated the words that just hours ago had broke my heart. “I’m a restless sleeper.” With that I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “Summer, where are you going?” Kyle asked beginning to follow me. “I’m sorry but I have some unfinished business that I need to take care of,” I replied and feeling as cold as ice I strode out of my room, leaving Kyle just standing there, just as Zane and Sierra had left me. Instead of sticking around with Kyle, the easy choice, I was choosing to go to the place I wanted to go least. It wasn’t the easy thing to do, but I knew it was something I was going to have to do sometime. So as I walked toward Stephanie’s room I took deep breaths, trying to build up my confidence, I was going to need it. Chapter 16 As I made my way towards Stephanie’s, the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand on end, and it had nothing to do with the lack of heat. A little ways down the hallway I recognized my old rooms familiar door and stopped wearily in front of it. As I knocked on the solid, wood door, I held my breath, silently hoping that she wouldn’t answer. But as fate would have it she was there, and did answer. She swung the open the door and I saw by her frustrated expression that she wasn’t exactly happy to see me. “What do you want?” She asked. “I wanted to talk,” I said and I barely got my last word out before she snidely replied, “Well I’m busy.” As the words left her mouth an incredibly handsome boy made his presence known by coughing. “I was just leaving anyways,” he said getting up and walking over to us.“I’m Lance, and you must be Summer,” he said and I briefly wondered how he knew my name but then followed his gaze to the long, jagged scar that lie permanently across my chest. It was visible due to the tank top I was wearing and I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Well I must get going,” he said and with that he grabbed his backpack off of Stephanie’s bed then said, “Next week, same time, Okay Steph?” He said and after she gave him a nod he quickly walked out. “Don’t like guys with broken noses?” I asked referring to the fact that she was dating Tyler yet had Lance in her room. “As if it’s any of your business, but if it was I’d tell you he’s just a tutor,” she replied and I saw Stephanie’s frown begin to lessen, without an audience, Stephanie was somewhat nice. “You said you want to talk,” She said walking over to admire herself in her mirror. “Yeah, well you know Zane right?” I started but stopped quickly as she whirled around with an angry look on her face. “If you think I’m going to sit here and listen to your stupid romance issues with your jerk of a boyfriend, then you’re crazy,” She said then walked over to sit in her chair, as if her last has taken all of her energy. I wasn’t surprised by her outburst, after rooming with her for a year I was used to them, so naturally I knew how to get her to be nice, or at least civil, again. “Ok listen,” I said and then took a deep breath and began to do my best impersonation her that I could. “1.) I totally didn’t mean to offend you, 2.)There’s no way that he’s my boyfriend, and 3.)Why would I want relationship advice for me and Zane, when I’m mad at him?” As I finished I knew it’d worked because she began to giggle, something she rarely ever does. “Well done,” She said and flashed me one of her winning smiles before she continued, “so if it’s not about relationships with Zane, then what is it?” “Well,” I started questioning whether I should confide fully in her of not, but my mind urges me one, so I continue. “Sometimes he’ll act like a different person, and one day he’ll understand and another, he won’t,” I said and was surprised to see her shifting uncomfortably, a sign she was either nervous or guilty which are also two things that rarely occur with her. “What?” I asked and her eyes flashed up to meet my gaze. “Oh well, it’s just,” She started. “Yes?” I asked trying to get her to hurry up and spit it out. “Zane’s a guy, guys act like that sometimes,” She replied but I know that not what was on her mind and I feel my temper begin to flare up. “Really? You too? Why is everybody treating me like a moron and thinking I can’t see that their hiding stuff from me? Why can I tell no one the truth, because no one understands? Why?!” I yelled at her and I can tell that I’ve surprised her with my outburst. “Look Summer, this is why nobody tells you anything, because you just blew up at me without even asking what I’m hiding. Maybe I would’ve told you. Ever think of that?” She asked and then smiled smugly at me. “Ok, I’m sorry, maybe getting the crap kicked out of me, by you and your group, has been messing with my manners,” I replied and I felt my temper beginning to rise even higher. “Ignoring that last comment, I’ll tell you all that I can, which isn’t a lot, but it’s more than Zane’s telling you,” She said and her words about Zane felt like she was firing a gun straight to my heart. Why should Stephanie a girl who hates my guts, tell me more than a guy who thinks I’m ‘special’? Though I doubt anything he said then is still what he thinks now. “All I can tell you is that Zane knows more than he’s letting on,” She said and then watched me closely as if to see how this news would me react. “How do you know?” I asked and though I sounded like an annoying child I didn’t care as long as I got the answers I’d been waiting for. She sat up straighter in her chair and smoothed her dress before she answered, “I know because I also know the information he’s keeping from you, he told me. Not recently of course, but either way at one point he told me and I know. I’m sorry but that’s really all I can tell you.” She said and I can sense that she’s telling me the truth. “Thank-you Stephanie” I said as I turned and headed for the door. “Where are you going?” she asked as I pulled open her overly decorated door. “I need to talk to someone else about something that’s somewhat normal, I can’t deal with all this other drama right now,” I said and with that I waved goodbye and walked out. Chapter 17 As I made my way down the hallway I tried to clear my mind from all the questions that were already starting to form in my head. Just relax , I told myself as I headed towards Ms. Kelly’s office door, She can’t possibly know you lied, Zane wouldn’t tell her. Of course he wouldn’t…Would he? I wasn’t sure. When I reached the door I knocked timidly and then waited until a flustered looking Mrs. Brown opened the door. Mrs. Brown, the over-worked secretary for Ms. Kelly, was a short, cute, younger woman, in her mid 30’s, with short cropped black hair, soft, soft brown eyes, and a pearly white smile. Everyone wondered why sweet Mrs. Brown had applied to be Ms. Kelly secretary, but whenever a student asked her about it she’d simply smile and reply, “Why, I can’t imagine living without you kids life,” in her soft, overly peppy voice that reminded me of a cheer squad anytime I heard it. “Oh Summer, come in dear. I’m assuming you’ve come to talk with Ms. Kelly?” She asked and as I nodded she quickly continued on. “Yes, of course you are. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until after she’s finished with the mandatory punishment for today,” She said and then after motion for me to take a seat, began quickly straitening the papers on her crowded desktop. As I took a seat in one of the waiting chairs my curiosity got the best of me and I turned back towards Mrs. Brown. “Mandatory punishment?” I asked. She’d finished organizing her desk and had moved on to filling out paperwork before she answered. “Oh yes dear, in fact she’s in there now with that awful trouble maker, Tyler Droda,” she said shaking her head in disgust. “What’s Tyler down here for?” I asked pretending that I thought it was unusual for Tyler to get into trouble. “Well, originally he was called down to receive punishment for the violence he exploited on you,” She said and I made a mental note to ask Stephanie how she and the rest of her group got out of their punishment. “But then,” she continued, “There was the issue of that fist fight, and now that Zane boy’s down here too,” She said and her last words made my heart squeeze. I wasn’t ready to see Zane yet but as Ms. Kelly’s door swung open I knew if didn’t matter what I wanted. As the door swung open wider I saw Ms. Kelly step out and hand both Tyler and Zane a green slip of paper before ushering them out of her back office. Green… I wracked my brains trying to think back to our old school handbook. What does green mean? I thought to myself impatiently. Suspension? Expulsion? At the moment I didn’t which I was hoping for more. As the boys walked out Zane’s sparkling blue eyes met mine and it took all of my self control to pull my eyes away from his, but not before giving him one of my signature annoyed eye rolls. I heard him sigh and then the door click as it opened and closed behind them. Good, you deserve to go through a little sadness yourself, I thought moodily to myself. “Summer, can I help you?” Ms. Kelly asked then flashed me one of her huge smiles that none of the students neither believed nor liked. “Yes, I was wondering if I could get a schedule change?” I asked before I could convince myself not to and then I desperately prayed I wouldn’t break down into tears as I thought about why I wanted it. I want this to get away, away from him. I thought to myself, I couldn’t bring myself to even think his name of I was sure I’d break down again. “A schedule change? We don’t normally allow those after the first day of school. Why? Is there a conflict with your schedule?” She asked and my hopes began to plummet. What was I supposed to say, my boyfriend/ex/friend, or whatever he is, is being mean? That I don’t want to face him because I’m embarrassed and mad that he doesn’t believe my crazy stories? “No, there’s not really a conflict but I’d really appreciated if I could change it, not to different classes, maybe just a different order?” I asked, trying to use my most innocent, sweet girl voice. “Normally the answer would automatically no,” She said in her normal no-feelings-spared, harsh tone, “but I realize that you’ve been through a lot and if this will help you out, I suppose I could bend the rules a bit,” She replied and even though she’d just agreed to what I’d asked I couldn’t help but feel sad, and I still didn’t get why she always felt dangerous and untrustworthy even when she’s smiling at me like she is now. “I’ll have your new schedule sent to your room sometime tomorrow, since it’s the weekend you won’t have to worry about missing classes, you’ll start on Monday,” She said as she hustled me out of her door. As I left I headed for the door I waved at little Mrs. Brown as she began filing paperwork. She gave me a quick smile and then quickly got back to work. What a hard working little women, I thought to myself as I abandoned the cool office air for the warm hallways, then quietly jogged till I reached my room. As I flung the door open I noticed that Sierra was still gone and the Kyle had left. Good , I thought to myself, I want to be alone anyways , but as I flung myself down, onto my bed, I knew that was a lie. I wanted my friends to be there with me, I wanted Zane there, and I especially did not want to be alone. I curled up into a ball and pulled the covers up as far as they’d go. It was still early, 6:00 P.M., but I was so exhausted that I forgot about the time and gave in to the drowsiness that was taking me over. Chapter 18 When I opened my eyes I was laying a green meadow. The ground beneath me was covered in beautiful flowers and bright green, grass. I laid there basking in the warm sun and almost drifted off until I heard soft footsteps in the plush grass surrounding me. I quickly sat upright and found myself staring at a beautiful little boy. He had dark hair, and beautiful, familiar looking brown eyes. He looked about 5 or 6 years old, and his face held a very white smile, teeth and all. He raised his tiny hand and waved at me. I laughed joyfully and picked the little boy up and spun him around until we were both dizzy and doubled over in laughter. ‘Such a cute little boy,’ I thought to myself, ‘with his soft black, his perfect features, and his eyes, deep pools of chocolate.’ Now where had I seen those eyes before? Just then he laughed and his laugh, a sweet, innocent, little kid laugh, sounded very familiar also. Then suddenly it seemed as if the little boy was laughing at me, and not with me anymore. Her smiled, as if he was in on some private joke. Then a thought occurred to me, “Where are we?” I asked and the little boy smiled a devious smile as if he’d been waiting for me to ask this. “The land on eternal youth,” He replied and then motioned for me to look down. “We become children again when we enter this realm,” He said and then, after he motioned again, I looked down and gasped. I was looking down at the tiny fragile little girl’s body of my younger self. I was wearing a frilly dress and my tiny feet were covered with white buckle shoes. I raised my hands and saw that they too were small and fragile looking. I looked even younger than the boy sitting next to me, which made another thought occur to me. “So what do you really look like?” I asked and as soon as the words escaped my mouth, I knew I was going to regret asking. “Another good question,” The boy said in that terribly familiar voice and then his face began to contort and transform itself. I screamed not because of the gruesome sight but because as I got up to run away, I felt my own skin begin to bubble and transform. I saw the beautiful meadow slipping away and it was being replaced by a terrifyingly familiar all stone room, lit only by the torches the hung on the walls, and the candles that surrounded the slab of concrete in the center of the room. My screams echoed off the walls as the little boy I’d just laughed with transformed into someone I’d hoped I’d never have to see again. Even though standing next to me was the man from my reoccurring nightmares he wasn’t the one who made me scream. I screamed when I caught sight of the person who was standing in the corner. Zane’s eyes sparkled under the light of torches and I could’ve admired his beauty all day if I hadn’t been terrified, he hadn’t been yelling. “Get out!,” I screamed at him, wanting desperately for him to leave before he got hurt, but Zane continued yelling at the man, as if I wasn’t even there. “I thought I told you to stay out of her dreams!” Zane shouted. “Guardians are supposed to protect and educate, no chastise and endanger. I must say, you’ve done a rather poor job,” The man replied in his usual cold tone and as soon as he got the words left his mouth Zane tackled him to the ground and they began writhing and rolling around on the stone. By now my age transformation was completely done and I was myself again. I wanted to run, yell scream, do something, but I was frozen in place. All I could manage to do was clamp my eyes shut and as I did so I began to feel the room around me, yet again, slip away. I didn’t want to open my eyes but I forced them open and when I did, I fell into black nothingness. Chapter 19 My eyes flew open and I sucked in air. At some point during my nap Sierra must have come back because I could make out her soft snores from underneath me. By now my breath was coming in short, uneven gasps and my room seemed to be spinning. Once I had taken enough calming breaths, had plenty of oxygen flowing to my brain, and could see straight again I grabbed my phone and checked the time. It read 11:30 P.M. I took another deep breath to try to steady my shaking hands and began my text message to Zane. Look, we need to talk. ASAP. –S I quickly hit send before I could change my mind and then set my phone back down near my pillow. I need answers , I thought to myself, I need the truth. Why am I having these dreams? If they are even considered dreams… What’s Zane hiding? Who is that creepy reappearing guy? I let out a sigh of annoyance and blinked back tears of frustration as Sierra began to wake up. “Summer? Was that you?” She asked then seeing the tears in my eyes, which I was trying(unsuccessfully)to hide. She quickly got up out of her bed and began climbing up onto my bunk. “What’s wrong? Did you get hurt again? Or was it just a bad dream?” She asked as she positioned herself at the foot of my bed. “Well,” I began but was interrupted by my phone ringing. My heart leapt and Sierra, who must’ve seen my excited face, quietly mumbled something about having to take off her make-up, then got down and walked into the bathroom we shared to give me privacy. “Hello?” I asked when I was finally able to speak. “Summer, It’s Zane, I got your message,” He said and there was almost a hint of precaution in his voice as he continued, “but I can’t meet with you.” I frowned when I heard that and couldn’t help but feel my anger from beginning to rise again. “No? Well I’m pretty sure you can talk,” I replied, and even I shivered at the ice cold tone of my voice. “Look, can you drop the attitude? It’s not like I don’t want to talk. I’m in detention and we aren’t even supposed to have phones in here but the teacher walked out so I figured I’d risk it.” “Detention, huh? For what?” I asked and as soon as the words left my mouth I realized why he was there and felt like a complete, utter moron. “I’m in here for punching a guy who threatened to hurt this really amazing girl. I never would’ve guessed that I’d be the one to hurt her,” he said his words felt like blows to my heart and normally I would’ve been flattered by him calling me amazing, but tonight it just annoyed me. “Well the ‘amazing girl is looking for answers and, though she may be mistaken, she thinks she deserves something that starts with I’m and ends with Sorry,” I said and then remembering my dream I added, “You could start by explaining yourself.” “Look, I want to talk Summer, really I do, but I can’t do this right now, and I’d rather we talked about this face to face, anyways,” He said an I felt my rising anger begin to slip away piece by piece as it always did when I listened to his soothing voice. “Meet me outside under the big oak at 6:00 A.M. That’s assuming you’re not in detention then?” I asked and I felt a pang of heart break as I remembered when we’d sat by the oak on our first date. “Yeah, I’ll be there,” He said pulling me out of my flash back. “See you then,” I said and was about to push End Call when Zane said, “And Summer?” “Yeah?” I asked. “I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath and replied in a calm, even voice,” We’ll talk later.” Then I hung up on the only guy I’ve ever loved and for the very first time in weeks, fell into a dreamless slumber. Chapter 20 "Need to talk?” Sierra asked as I curled my hair and got ready for me and Zane’s meeting this morning. “Yeah, I do,” I said, turning to face her. “I’m sorry; I’m probably the worst roommate you’ve ever had. I’ve been super messy, I’m always running out, and I’ve managed to make you want to leave the dorm instead of hanging out with me. I’m really sorry,” I said and as I finished my apology I noticed she was smiling. “Look Summer, when I left yesterday morning, I got breakfast and then I went to the study session I go to every Saturday, I wasn’t leaving to get away from you. If anything I think I should be the one apologizing. Even a blind person could see you’ve been living Hell since the first day of school and I should’ve been nicer to you. I guess I just didn’t want any more complications in my life,” She finished and then we sat in silence for awhile until she added, “but then I realized the I’d sacrifice an easy life any day for friendship.” I turned to face her and saw that she was smiling so I ran over and gave her a hug, which she squeezed back at. “Thanks, that really means a lot,” I said and then I broke the hug to go change into the skirt and tank top that I had set out on our bathroom counter. I wasn’t really sure why I was getting so dressed up just for a talk, or why I’d gotten up at 5:00 so I could curl my hair before I had to meet with him. Sierra had only woken up around 5:30 when my nervous, shaking hands accidently dropped my make-up case. After seeing my flushed, nervous, face she promised that she’d stay up and keep me company until I had to leave. As the time ticked away my palms began to sweat and my pulse stared to speed up. What am I going to say? I thought nervously. I had no idea how to approach the subject of my dreams with him, but I knew that it had to be done. When I checked the clock, for what seemed like the 25th time in the last ten minutes, and it read 5:53 A.M I decided it was time to start walking over. “Well I better get going,” I said as I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “I hope it goes well,” She said and I smiled silently to myself. “Yeah, me too.” With that I forced myself to pull the door open and start off down the hallway. It was after curfew and I was supposed to be in bed sleeping now, so I had to be very quiet and be on the lookout for any patrolling night wardens. Finally, after silently creeping down hallways and flights of stairs, I’d made my way to the old oak tree. It was hard to believe that just a week ago we’d had our first date under this same tree. It was so easy then , I thought to myself, That was before I’d ever had any of these dreams, before I’d ever saw that man’s face. I sighed and tried to clear my mind as I kicked off my sandals and sat down under the tree’s branches. I checked my watch and it read 6:01 A.M. He still has time , I thought silently to myself and then I realized what little sleep I’d gotten in the past week and I felt my eyelids begin to droop. Hurry up Zane, I thought to myself and then I gave in to my exhaust and I fell asleep against the hard bark of the tree. Chapter 21 30 minutes later I woke up from my pleasantly, dreamless sleep to find that someone was shaking me by my shoulders and asking if I was alright. They sounded alarmed and I wanted to answer them or at least open my eyes but I seemed incapable of doing either, at the moment. After a few more minutes of shaking and questions I was finally to pry open my eyes and found myself staring at Lance Millers, Stephanie’s tutor. Other than in Stephanie’s room, this was the first time I’d even seen Lance since he was a keep to himself sort of guy, so I was quite surprised that he cared enough to check if I was alright. “Summer, are you okay?” He asked for what had to be the 30th time and finally I was able to make my lips work. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I said sitting up and then realizing Zane wasn’t there I added, “Just disappointed.” “About Zane?” He asked and must’ve notice my surprised expression because he then said, “I can explain.” “Go ahead,” I said and then motioned for him to sit down with me under the oak, since my legs still felt like jelly. “Though you might not know it, I’m Zane’s roommate,” He began, “so I obviously know he’s been in a bit of trouble lately.” He said casting me a glance before he continued. “Zane told me he was supposed to meet you today, but see, he ran into a bit of a problem. “The Night wardens were literally guarding the outside of our door. “They said the he wasn’t leaving the room for any purposes until his punishment was done,” He said and then seeing how I was still confused he began to elaborate more. “But see, me, being a tutor and all, they’ll let me out early just as long I tell them the right stuff. “I told them Stephanie had a project due today and this was the only time we could work on it, and they bought it,” He said, smiling proudly at his own cleverness. “He asked me to find you and give you this, since he couldn’t make it,” Lance said then produced a folded piece of paper out of the messenger bag slung over his shoulder, and held it out to me. I took it and carefully unfolded it and held it to where it was only in my view, though Lance didn’t look as if he were trying to read it either way. I took a deep breath and began reading. Dear Summer, I regret missing our date. You must understand how sorry I am. Not just for missing our date, but for every time I’ve ever hurt you. I know how confused you must be and I promise I’ll explain everything. I get out of detention at 8:30 P.M. tonight, afterwards is the only time I’m able to go anywhere without being followed by wardens. I’ll meet you outside my dorm, it’d #43. You don’t have to come and I’ll understand if you don’t, but I’d like a chance to explain this, if you’ll let me. And please remember: I could never judge you, and I hope your opinion on that hasn’t been swayed by my ignorance. Yours Truly, Zane I took a deep breath to steady myself so that I didn’t burst into tears. He really cares , I thought to myself, tonight I’ll get the answers I’ve been waiting for . But then reality sunk in and my smile faded. Has my opinion on him changed? I wasn’t sure. As I muttered somewhat of a thank-you to Lance, I folded up the letter and started walking back to my dorm. Chapter 22 On my way back to my dorm I ran into a few night wardens and was forced to quickly scamper off into janitor closets to avoid being caught and sitting through lectures. About 1 hall from my room I heard footsteps coming towards me. The loud clanking on the tiled told my it was a student girl, since none of the faculty nor wardens were allowed to break dress code, which doesn’t include high heels. Though I was almost positive it was a student, I figured I’d better not risk it and quickly ducked behind a potted plant. As a pair of hot pink stiletto’s made their way around the corner I heard their owner let out a sigh of impatience. “Would you get up from behind that plant? You look like a moron and I so don’t talk to morons,” She said and between the hot pink heels and the snarky comment I knew it had to be Stephanie who was standing in front of me. I quickly got up and brushed myself off as she put on lip gloss to her already glossy lips. Once I was done straightening myself up she turned to face me and I could get a good look at her. I Think this is the worst I’ve ever seen her look, I thought to myself and though her shoes were cute, and her designer only dress was adorable she still looked terrible. Her eyeliner was smudged, her mascara running, there were circles under her eyes and her nose was red and puffy. “Are you okay?” I asked, not sure how to address the situation with her. “Tyler and I broke up. In case anyone asks, I dumped him,” She said and then she laughed silently to herself as she absentmindedly rubbed what look like a bruise on her arm. “What happened?” I asked motioning to the bruise, but she wasn’t looking at me and took it as a question about her break-up. “I dated an abusive jerk,” She said matter-of-factly then seeing my face, explained. “Tyler was always a hands-on guy, and I knew that, but he was just so mad tonight and he pushed me into my dresser. “He tried to apologize but sometime between me punching him and me kicking him out, he understood that it was over.” As she finished I looked at Stephanie, really looked at her. She was the girl all girls envied. With her slim build, long legs, naturally tan skin and blonde hair, girls just assumed she had the perfect life, or at least the perfect relationship. But come to think of it, in my 6 years of room and board here I’ve never seen her parents come to visit, not even on the family visiting days. Her brother, Tye, graduated 3 years ago, and even when he was here he refused to acknowledge her. As for her relationship, no one would ever guess that Tyler was abusive, or at least not to her. When I really thought about it, was it really a surprise that Stephanie has a cold, hard, demeanor? She must’ve notice my staring because as usual, she felt obligated to defend her turf. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” She said snidely and then she smiled. “A love note from the boyfriend?” She asked motion to the letter sticking out of my pocket and then giving me a wink that made us both burst into laughter “Yeah, but he’s not my boyfriend,” I said, pausing then added, “yet.” Stephanie smiled then checked the polished, designer, diamond watch on her wrist that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe. “30 minutes till breakfast starts, we’d better head back or the warden’s will catch us,” She said and turned to start walking towards her dorm when she added, “I’m sorry about the whole S.S. crap and if you ever tell anyone this I’ll deny it but, I kind of regret not being a better roommate.” And with that she started off down the hall and within seconds, disappeared into her dorm. Chapter 23 I stood there for a moment trying to comprehend what had just happened. Stephanie never apologizes. But hadn’t she done just that? I shook my head as if to clear my thoughts and started off down the hall. By the time I reached my room Sierra had already taken a shower and was waiting patiently for me to return. She’d pulled her short, choppy, blonde hair back in a small bun at the nape of her neck and was wearing a casual shirt and jeans, overall she looked very pretty and very eager to hear about my ‘date’. I told her about Zane’s note and my meeting with Lance, carefully skimming over any parts that involved crazy dreams or Stephanie. “Aw I’m sorry you to wait longer now,” She said and then grabbed my purse and threw it to me. “We’d better head down for breakfast, I’m starving,” She said and then, pulling me with her, she skipped off down to the breakfast hall. *~^~* The rest of the day flew by quickly and before I knew it I was sitting in my room and getting ready for my meeting, but the clock seemed to moving slower than ever. Around 7:00 a night warden knocked on our door and gave me my new schedule. I thanked them and tried to hide my disappointment as I silently assured myself that I did the right thing by changing my schedule. I opened the envelope and read. Dear Summer, I hope this suites your wishes, because I won’t be changing it again. You’ll start these classes Monday. Best regards, Ms. Kelly 1. Art 2. Self Defense 3. Dance 4. Lunch 5. ELA 6. Algebra 7. A.P. Chemistry 8. History I folded up my new schedule and stifled a sigh. I definitely got what I asked for , I thought to myself, now I have absolutely no classes with him. Why am I disappointed with that? I didn’t know what the answer was to that last thought so I shrugged it off and turned towards Sierra, who was sitting below my bunk, looking bored. She’d offered to stay up till I got back but I didn’t know how late I’d be out and judging from the dark circles under her eyes, she could use the extra rest. “No that’s okay, I’ll talk to you in the morning, alright?” I said in what I hoped was an assuring tone as I slipped on my heels and reached for my purse. “Okay, hope you have fun,” She said and then dropped onto her pillow. I quietly shut the door behind, so I wouldn’t disturb her and then started off towards the boy’s hall. Girls technically aren’t allowed to be in the east wing, since that’s where the boy’s dorms are. But since that rule was made, few supervisors enforce it and even fewer students pay it any mind. I was in luck; Zane’s dorm was located on the outskirts of the wing, by the stairs. This way I had an even less chance of getting caught. My phone buzzed in my pock and I quickly took it out and examined it. Running Late. Be there soon, Don’t leave. -Z His text calmed me somehow, almost as if he were actually there, whispering those words in my ear, with that voice that always makes me melt. I put my phone away, leaned against his door and allowed myself to imagine him next to me, lips brushing against mine… I didn’t have to wait long; only about five minutes of day dreaming had passed before the sound of footsteps brought me back to reality. At first I tensed, thinking of the wardens and how sometime they made their rounds earlier than usual but then listened more carefully and found that even his footsteps were familiar. When he finally rounded the corner I wanted nothing more than to run to him and feel his strong arms around me, but I stood my ground and silently kicked myself for even thinking that. Aren’t I supposed to be mad him? Just yesterday I was angry enough to get my entire schedule changed, and now I want to run into his arms again? I silently scolded myself, but as I looked into his sparkling blue eyes I felt that, that really was what I wanted to do. To hurl myself at him and have his arms wrapped around me. I felt my anger slipping away, and though I tried to hang onto it, it was soon gone. I forced an annoyed look onto my and glared at him as he approached. I didn’t want him to know that I was secretly yearning to run over and his soft, lips. Apparently, I got the point across because his blinding white smile disappeared once he caught sight of my expression. “I know I have a lot of explaining to do,” he said and as soon as I hear his voice my glare slipped away and I felt a very unwelcome smile appear on my face. To make up for my smile slip I added an even icier edge to my voice when I replied, “You certainly do.” Zane nodded then motioned towards his door. “Lance is tutoring today, this way we can talk alone,” he said and I felt my heart flutter. If just being in the east wing would get me detention, then going into a boy’s dorm room alone was definitely juvenile home worthy. I shrugged off my worries by reminding myself why he wanted us alone. So no one knows his secrets. After reminding myself of this, I felt my anticipation lessen. As he shut and bolted the door behind us I took the time to check out his dorm room setup. It was clear which side of the room belonged to who. Lance had his side decorated with photos of him and his family and friends. By his bed he had a few posters of bands like ACDC and Kiss and his desk was meticulously neat. Zane’s side looked as if no one even roomed there. His desk was completely empty except for his gray laptop and a few stray pens. His walls were completely bare and his closet was empty except for the small suitcase lying at the bottom of it. He must have noticed my scrutiny because he shifted uncomfortably and motioned to his bed for me to sit. “Where do I start?” He said after we were both seated. I knew his question didn’t require a response, but I couldn’t resist. “From the Beginning,” I said and he laughed silently under his breath as if I’d just humored him and then said, “This is going to take longer than I thought,” Then he let out a deep sigh, as if to ready himself, and began. Chapter 24 “Every few centuries a baby is born with a gift, only they don’t realize they’re gifted until they start socializing with the others, people like them. “You, being one of the gifted, should understand what their gift is,” He said and then seeing my confused face he went on. “When most people dream it’s a figment of their imagination, but when these children dream, it’s reality. “They posses the ability to change all of Earth just when they close their eyes, though almost all of them have no idea how to use their gift like that. “But like always, people fear what they can’t understand, and a group, called The Tanghar, are set for using those gifted children for their own selfish reasons, some of them want to wipe out the gifted race completely. He paused for a moment and though he tried to hide it, I could tell he was nervous about continuing. “When I was young I was told my parents told me I was born for one reason, and one reason only, and that was to serve faithfully as Princess Laurel McKons guardian. “Miss McKons is one of the most gifted children and therefore considered royalty among your race. “But when I turned 12, about to begin my training, my parents were killed and their dreams died with them. “I was then sent to an orphanage and by the time I started my training it was too late. “They told me I wasn’t qualified to guard royalty, but if my training continued, they’d allow me to guard one the normals.” He cleared his throat and searched my face to see if this term affected me. When I gave no sign of emotion he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and then continued. “I trained for years and when I was on the brink of quitting, they finally passed me and I was an assigned guardian. “The girl they assigned me to was presumably average so they shipped me off to the board school at which she was attending, no extra training needed. “As always, they had me relatively close in age to her so as to not cause any awkwardness and for backup they sent me where another guardian was, since this was my first assignment. “ “But they underestimated this girl. Both me and my partner were shocked. “None of the normals were supposed to be able to make contact with the Tanghar at all, yet alone so early in the cycle. “We were stunned and after calling in to our main office we were told to deny her gifts, and persuade her to the same.” “See, when a gifted child, or more frequently called a lucid child, learns more about their gift, the more endangered they become. “That’s why we were given those instructions, to keep her safe. Only one of us wasn’t careful enough, and she found out more than she should have.” He said and only then did my brain start putting all the pieces together. “I’m the girl from you story,” I said and then more of the pieces came together. “You knew…This whole time?” I said and felt my anger flaring up. “Yes, but Summer-“ He started but I cut him off before he could finish. “You yelled at me and told me I was being childish! “You said I was just a ‘restless sleeper’!” I yelled at him and I wasn’t surprised to see that he was staying relatively calm, like always, but it still annoyed me. “Yes Summer, I did, but I did it to protect you,” He said staring at me with those bright blue eyes. I continued on as if he hadn’t said anything. “You told me I could trust you, could tell you anything, yet that whole time you were lying!” I screamed and felt my rationality slipping away, but at this point I didn’t care. “Summer, Please just-” “That’s all you do! Lie!” I yelled at him and I furiously wiped at the unwelcome tears that were spilling down my cheeks. I wanted to get up and run. But where would I run to? I was where I’d wanted to be for the past month and now I was wishing I’d stood him up. I could tell he wanted to comfort me and my steady glare kept him from coming any closer. “I’m sorry…I just thought that Stephanie and told you some of this, she told me you guys talked and I guess I just assumed…” His voice trailed off and his eyes lifted to meet mine. And that was when I snapped. Any part of sanity that I had left at the moment slipped away and I took a step closer to him. “Stephanie!? So she’s the other one!” I screamed and though Zane was trying uselessly to calm me down, I was way beyond any point that I could ‘calm down’. “I’m leaving!” I yelled. I pushed past him and headed towards the door but he caught my wrist before I made. “Summer, Please… I’m sorry for lying but you have to understand-” “I don’t have to understand anything I don’t want to,” I said furiously then added, “And I said I’m leaving.” With that I push him with my free hand and made contact with his chest, momentarily catching him off guard, he stumbled backwards. That was all I needed. While his grip was weak I slipped free. I quickly unlocked the door, then flung it open and sprinted down the hall as fast as I could with the 6 inch heels I was wearing. Now that I was finally running, I didn’t know where to go but my feet seemed to have a mind of their own. They carried me back, out of the east wing and made me bolt out of the school and over to the outdoor garden area. Since it was late the pale yellow lights that surrounded the garden were glowing dimly. By now I stopped running and walked over to admire the flowers. It reminded me of the garden my mother and I use to have before we moved, and I was forced to go room and board at my new school. She used to walk around with me in the early mornings, just as the sun was peeking up over the clouds, and she’d let me quiz her on all the different flower types. I felt a pang of homesickness as I recalled some of the long hours I’d spent at our old make-shift garden. This garden was absolutely stunning in comparison to me and my mothers and I felt myself calming down as I walked around the gorgeous plants. The roses were a deep red, and by far the most popular flower type in this garden; next to it were Lilly’s in a pastel purple shade. I silently congratulated myself on having remembered almost all the plants names and facts as I scoped out the garden. Though there were hundreds of plants that made up the garden only one type stood out among them all. Zantedeschia. It had always been my favorite flower type because of its tie-die like colors, but my mother had always refused to plant it because of me being so young, and it’s poisonous reputation. I walked over and sat on a stone near the patch of the colorful flowers. A thought appeared to me and I laughed silently. I know why this was always my favorite now , I thought silently to myself, because it’s me, in flower form. Bright, colorful, and pretty from far away, but deadly if you get too close. I was still seething from my talk with Zane but I couldn’t seem to stop laughing at the irony of my favorite flower. I knew it wasn’t really that funny but I kept laughing, I laughed till me sides hurt, till tears were running down my face, and till I was beginning to wonder if I was losing my sanity. When I was finally finished laughing I was out of breath and panting, my sides hurt, and I had no doubt that my eye make-up was probably running. But at the moment, I didn’t really care. I just wanted to sit there and admire my beautiful flowers. That’s when I heard the footsteps. Chapter 25 My head whipped around fast and all of my muscles tensed. I got up from my perch near the flowers and slowly crept to the center of the garden, where I could get a better view of my surroundings. My sneaking skills could use some work , I thought to myself as more leafs and stray branches cracked under my feet. My heart continued to thud loudly as I heard more noises around me and at one point, I was positive anyone within 10 feet could hear it. I was still wearing the bright orange sundress I’d worn to talk to Zane in, not my best choice of camouflage , I thought moodily. With my bright orange outfit, high heels in one hand, and spare key in the other, I was beginning to feel like a criminal on the run. Normally, a key wouldn’t have been my first choice of a weapon but it was either that or the spare Kleenex in my pocket, so I went with the metal key. After what seemed like an eternity of crouching, I finally made it to the center of the garden. Once there, I scoped out my surroundings but didn’t see anything that could’ve made the noises. After several more minutes of searching, feeling foolish and embarrassed, I turned to head back towards my dorm when I came face-to-face to a black hooded figure. I screamed as loud as my lungs allowed me to until the figure clamped a hand over my mouth. Feeling trapped and suffocated I bit down and didn’t stop until I felt I tasted their blood and they finally released me. As my captor clutched their and cursed loudly their hood fell back and I gasped aloud. “Kyle? What are you doing here?” I asked and then feeling bad for hurting him, knelt down beside him. “Damn Summer!” He said and even though he was yelling his voice sounded more playful rather than angry, which was odd since I had just bit into his hand for no reason. “I saw you laughing and figured I’d go ask what was so funny but then you went all Nancy Drew on me and started sneaking away, though not very successfully I might add,” he said then gave me a wink as my cheeks turned rosy out of embarrassment. “Then I finally caught up to you and before I can even say anything, you start screaming bloody murder,” he said and seeing me shiver from the cold, offered me his jacket. I took it gratefully and couldn’t help but smile as I inhaled more of his sweet cologne. His scent reminded me of an old childhood memory, familiar and nice, I liked it very much. As we walked back towards the dorms a silence settled between us, it wasn’t awkward though, we spoke more through thoughts than words. We were almost out of the garden area when he finally spoke. “So which is your favorite?” then seeing my confused expression he explained, “The Flowers. I saw you admiring them, do you have a favorite?” I gave him a smile and motioned for him to follow me as I led him to the patch of Zantedeschia’s. In the moonlight their petals glowed with an orange hue, then thinking of my dress color, I bit my tongue to keep from laughing from this new found similarity. “That’s Zantedeschia, right?” he asked and I nodded, then catching his smirk asked, “What?” His smile got bigger and seeing his boyish grin made the corners of my mouth turn up also. “Most girls would’ve led me to roses or maybe lilacs, or even lily’s, but only you would lead me to the only poisonous plant in this entire garden,” he said. “Sorry to disappoint,” I said frowning slightly at his words and looking down. Catching my reaction he put his fingers underneath my chin and raise my head so I was looking directly at him. “That’s a good thing, Summer,” he said, a grin spread across my face, “if you were like other girls then guys like me would be hopeless.” He didn’t give me time to wonder what he meant by that because he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the school. When we passed the school windows I caught a glimpse of my frazzled reflection and gasped in horror. “I look horrible!” I said and desperately tried to wipe away the black smudges from underneath my eyes, and straighten my frizzy hair. Kyle’s soft hands gently pulled mine from my face and turned me away from the window so that I was facing him. “Relax Summer, you look gorgeous, like always,” he said and I felt a dizzy rush of joy from his words as he pulled me into the building. As we walked through the hallways Kyle slipped his hand into mine and though I felt a little guilty I didn’t pull away. Why feel guilty? I thought silently, You never were with Zane anyways. When we reached the end of the hall that led to my room he pulled me over and gently pushed me against the wall. He leaned in close to me, close enough that I could get another sweet smelling whiff of his cologne. “I don’t know what Zane did to you, “he began and I felt my heart clench at the sound of his name. “But I tell that whatever it was, it hurt you,” he continued and then paused to gently brush his fingertips over my cheeks bones, making me shiver. “But I want to make sure you know that I will never hurt you. No matter what, okay?” he said and by now stray tears had spilled out from the arising of the memories from earlier. I let out a chocked sob and Kyle pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to pull away, insisting that my tears would ruin his shirt, but he held me tight and assured me it was fine. As I snuggled closer to him I was hit by a major case of déjà-vu. Yet again Zane had made me cry and yet again, Kyle was here to comfort me. Maybe, I thought, Just maybe, I’ve been falling for the wrong guy all along. But my heart ached and my throat closed up whenever I even thought about living with someone other than Zane. He’s a part of me now, he’ll always be, but that doesn’t matter. I need to make new parts too, I thought silently. We stood there for awhile, locked in our embrace, until I realized how late it was getting. “It’s after curfew and we have school tomorrow so I’d better get going,” I said and Kyle gave my hand one more squeeze before dropping it to my side. I stood on my toes and gave him a peck on his cheek. “Goodnight Kyle,” I whispered as I bent and fumbled in my pockets for my room key. “Sweet dreams, beautiful,” he said and I flinched at the irony of his words but when I looked up to question him, I found myself staring at a blank wall and Kyle was nowhere to be seen. “Sweet dreams indeed,” I muttered quietly then opened my door and quietly shut it behind me. Chapter 26 As I flung myself down onto my bed I realized that in order to stop my exhaustion I was going to have to sleep, which in turn meant I was going to have to endure one of my ‘dreams’. I sighed, though I wasn’t sure if it was out of exhaust or frustration, and grabbed my purse. A quick check of the clock on my phone told me that it was going on Midnight which normally isn’t very late for me, but I had to start my new schedule tomorrow and I could use all the rest I could get. I’ll just check my messages and then I’ll go to bed , I thought silently and as if my body were in protest, I let out a huge yawn. I slowly got up and sat down the computer desk in the corner of my room. I quietly turned it on and flinched when it let out a loud beeping noise. My head whipped around to see if it had woken up Sierra but she was still sleeping soundly. Soon enough, I had my school e-mail up and was logging on. When my account was loaded I noticed that I had five new messages; Two from Zane, One from Stephanie, One from Kyle, and One from my Parents. Looks like sleep’s going to have to wait. I sighed as I clicked on the message from my parents. To:SummerCharard From: Linda and George Charard Dear Summer, Your mother and I haven’t heard much from you lately. Naturally, we are very worried. It’s been nearly two whole weeks since your last call and we just want to make sure everything is okay. Hope to hear from you soon. Love you, Mom & Dad I sighed , it’s so like them to worry over this, I thought as I began to compose my reply. Dear Mom & Dad, Please stop worrying! I’m perfectly fine, really, there’s no need to stress. Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve talked to you guys, I’ve just been so busy lately. Talk to you soon! Love you guys! Summer I clicked send and silently prayed they wouldn’t ask what I was so busy with. One down, four to go, I thought silently to myself as I clicked on the next message, Kyle’s. Summer, I had a great time with you tonight. If you want to hang again text me, my numbers below. -Kyle P.S. Looking forward to hearing from you, beautiful. I smiled silently to myself as I added his number to my phone. Three messages left, I cursed silently under my breath. God I’m tired! I thought grumpily. Hesitenly, I moved my mouse over the bold, red button at the top of my inbox that read, DELETE ALL. Sighing, I moved my mouse over the three remaining messages, One from Stephanie, and the others from Zane. A soft, annoying voice in the back of my head whispered warnings like, You really should at least see what they said and It could be important, but I brushed them off and quickly clicked the bright red button. The messages disappeared from my inbox as if they never existed, and if it was up to me, they didn’t. Then, just to be thorough, I erased my recycle bin. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until I let out a sigh of relief. The voice was still there, whispering in the back of my head that I was going to regret doing that, so I put my ear-phones in and turned my I-pod up to a deafening level. I kept laying there listening to my music on blast and cleared my mind of all thoughts until I started to drift into a deep sleep. Chapter 27 When I opened my eyes I saw that I was surrounded by people, many of which were dressed in formal wear from the 1800’s. The women were clothed in huge ball gowns and had expensive jewels hanging from their necks. The men of the party were dressed in odd looking suits and many of them had their hair slicked back. I wanted to look around more but it was then that it hit me how bad me rib cage was hurting. I looked down and was surprised to find that I too was dressed in old clothing. I wore a light pink ball gown with that waist synched in tightly, corset-style, to show off my narrow waist. I had exquisite looking jewels that were embroidered on the front of my dress that matched the large stones that hung from neck and wrists. I loved the dress, it was gorgeous after all so I tried to push any thoughts of my aching ribcage out of my mind, though my efforts were unsuccessful. Just as I began to finally stop fidgeting with my dress, in an attempt to make it less tight, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and found myself staring at a very handsome young gentleman. He smiled and extended his arm to me. “May I be honored with a dance Madame?” He said and the way he addressed me as ‘Madame’ made me feel like I was royalty. I nodded eagerly and followed him as he led the way to the dance floor. The young looked very familiar but I couldn’t remember where I knew him from. As we twirled eloquently around the dance floor, all eyes were on us. I laughed in delight when he lifted me up into the air and spun me around then gracefully caught me in a dip, causing many of the guests to gasp in awe. Still, as the wonderful night went on, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was forgetting something, something important. “You look absolutely stunning tonight,” the young man whispered into my ear as we gracefully swayed around the dance floor, his voice soft and sweet even compared to the music playing. I smiled in spite of myself and then felt a pang of guilt. “I’m terribly sorry sir, and I feel very guilty for this, but I can’t seem to remember your name,” I said then silently added, or if I’ve ever met you. I expected him to be upset or offended but he merely smiled, as if I’d just humored him. He pulled us to a graceful stop and brushed a strand of hair behind my earlobe before he answered. “Oh Summer, you need not feel guilty, and of course do not have to refer to me as ‘sir’ anymore. We’re on a first name basis.” He said and as he flashed me a brilliantly white smile I shifted guiltily, yet again scolding myself for not remembering a young man as handsome as this. “Alonzo Montlatzo,” he said and smiled. Alonzo Montlatzo, I thought silently, he definitely fits the royalty-sounding name, I added in my head, taking in all of his flawless features. His soft blond hair was so blond it held a silver cast that was almost mesmerizing. Unlike most of the other men, his hair hung lose and flowing just past his ears. His big eyes held a brilliant gold hue that made it almost impossible to look away from. He dressed in an old fashioned looking suit, like the other gentlemen, he wore a ruffled dress shirt under a brightly floral colored dress vest. On anyone else, his outfit would’ve looked ridiculous and rude but on him it looked sophisticated and well thought out. Alonzo smiled and grabbing my hand, pulled me off towards one of the back halls. The walls were lit by small torches that hung on the stone walls. As we passed several different wooden doors I began to wonder where we were going and my worries increased once the smooth marble floor started to go uneven underneath my feet. At one point, I stumbled and almost fell but Alonzo’ strong arms caught me before I hit the floor and from then on, he kept his hand on the small of my back, guiding me. Finally, after a tiresome hour of walking up and down hallways, staircases, and cellars, my aching feet were relieved as we came to a stop in front of an old, polished wooden door. Alonzo produced a fancy looking skeleton key from a pocket in his vest and soon had the door open and was ushering me inside. Once inside, I scoped the room out. The walls were completely covered in ancient looking paintings. The rest of the room was mostly bare except for the lone chest in the corner. The floor was stone but mostly covered in exquisite, overly expensive looking rugs. Overall, the room made my gut churn and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Why did you bring me here?” I asked examining one of the oldest looking paintings and racking my brains trying to think of what I was forgetting, and why I was having a sickening feeling of déjà-vu. I could feel Alonzo’s golden eyes on the back of my head so I nervously continued to be immensely interested in the devilish painting in front of me. I felt him place his hands lightly on my shoulders and I let out an involuntary shiver and automatically flinched away from his touch. I snuck a glimpse at Alonzo’s face and saw that he was smiling at me with his perfectly straight, and crest white smile. “There’s no reason to be afraid Summer, I’ve only brought you here to show you something,” He said and started walking towards the lone chest that sat in the corner, motioning for me to follow. At first, I intertwined my fingers with his and followed behind him but then a memory came floating back into my mind. It was one where I was dancing with a little boy, in a magical glowing field. He to, had laughed and danced with me, he had also tried to kill me. I yanked my hand away from his and started to quickly back away from him, towards the door. Alonzo looked startled at first, and then hurt. “Summer,” he said reaching for my arm, “Please! I’m not one of them! I won’t hurt you!” he insisted as I dodged away from his hands and quickened my pace back to the door. “Wait! Please!” he called after me but he didn’t attempt to grab me again so I continued on my way out the door. I scurried out as fast as I could while wearing the enormously full ball gown and tried to ignore his pleas as I shut the door behind me but there was one that caught my attention. “I can help you! I can help you get rid of him!” he called after me and I was momentarily stunned by his words. I blinked a few times to clear my thoughts then clamped my eyes shut and imagined my old garden. When I opened my eyes I found myself staring at the back on my old, falling apart little town house. Oh the days of minimum wage I thought silently, to be honest I preferred our small town house tons better than the new mansion my parents purchased shortly after my dad’s promotion. Around me was our make-shift garden that I used to spend all my time in. I walked around the small garden countless amounts of time until my mind was completely refreshed and Alonzo was out of my head. Tired, I trudged over and laid down on the dangerously-close-to-falling-apart wooden bench that stood in front of a patch of daisies. Daisies, I thought absentmindedly, mothers favorite. With that I closed my eyes and feel asleep next to the small patch of happy childhood memories. Chapter 28 I woke up to the annoying beeping of my alarm clock and was startled to find myself fully rested. I looked up and over my bunk and saw that I had a cute, blue plaid dress laying out for me to wear. Why did I lay that out? It’s awfully dressy for lounging around… My thoughts trailed off when my answer hit me. My first day with my new schedule. I stifled a groan when I rolled over to check my clock and found that I was already running late. I threw my covers back and hopped down, off my bunk. Where’s Sierra? I thought, puzzled for a moment until I saw her note and picked it up to read it. Summer, Left early for my study session, hopefully I’ll see you in class. If not, have fun! We’ll talk later, Sierra I tossed her note into our trash bin and hurried off to take a shower. Though my aching muscles protested, I only allowed myself five minutes to shower and dress. According to my clock, I had ten minutes to get to my first class or risk getting detention. My damp hair left puddles of water droplets on my wooden floor as I grabbed my bag and cell phone. I hurried out of my room and used all of my will power not to sprint down the hall to my art class. Five minutes now , I told myself, that’s more than enough time . I hurried off down the hall to my art class and crossed my fingers in hope that a friend would be there. When I entered the classroom I saw Mr. Brentol, the much laid back, under qualified art teacher, sat lazily in his chair reading a newspaper. The class around him was quickly turning into a loud, rowdy group but when I entered everyone seemed to quiet down. As I made my way to the back of the classroom I forced a smile on my face and pretended not to notice that everyone was staring at me. To my right I saw Stephanie, sitting in the corner and laughing quietly with Lance. When she saw me her laughter faded and she raised her hand, beckoning me to come over. I pointedly swung my wet hair over my shoulder in a forced impression of her, and continued walking as if she didn’t exist. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her begin to stand up and follow me but Lance put a assuring hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Whatever he said, it worked, she gave a small, quick nod and then sat back down. I found an empty seat at the back of the classroom and quickly took my seat. The red head in front of me whipped her head around and gave me a ugly glare. “Why are you here?” she asked and it was then that I recognized her high pitched, nasally voice. Terri Levi, a ex-BFF of Stephanie’s, and an incredibly annoying air head, I thought to myself moodily. Terri kept her face in an unattractive glower. “I transferred classes,” I replied and let out a sigh of annoyance as the petite brunette next to here, who I recognized as Emily Bungler, turned my way. “Yeah, I heard that,” She said, then offered me a carefully polished, dainty hand. “Well it’s great to have you here,” she said enthusiastically as I gave her hand tired shake. “So I heard you got Tyler to dump Stephanie, how’d you do it?” Terri asked loudly so the several students in the class turned around to stare at me. I heard the distinct clunk of expensive heels and wasn’t surprised when I turned around to see Stephanie standing behind me, giving Terri a sly smile. “Look Terri, I normally don’t share tips but since it looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cage, I’ll make an exception,” She said coldly and paused briefly to flash a smile at the surrounding classmates that were giggling at her last insult. Terri’s smug smile disappeared from her overly make-upped face. “Have you gone shopping recently?” Stephanie asked, sugar-coating her voice and flashing an innocent smile as her. Terri shook her head and looked down so that her natural red hair fell in her face, hiding most of her face from view. “Well there’s a new sale and you should probably check it out. They’re selling lives, and from what I’ve seen, you could use one,” She finished, her tone icy, and harsh. Terri opened her mouth to speak but then clamped it shut again as the bell rang and Stephanie strutted back to her seat. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing at the completely shocked and angry face Terri wore now. Stephanie must’ve noticed my enjoyment because she shot me a wink and then a smile. For a moment, I smiled back and thought about the old days when I would’ve done anything to have her as my friend, but I was quickly brought back to reality when Mr. Brentol cleared his throat and my school day began. Chapter 29 Mr. Brentol’s slow, mono-tone voice started to fade in and out of my mind as he continued to go over the different types of art with the class. Several of the students around me had dozed off at some point and were now quietly snoring. Lance, who was sitting three rows in front of me, was gazing out the window and started to absentmindedly scribble on the corner of his notebook. Terri sat unmoving in front of me, casting an occasional death glare in Stephanie’s direction. Stephanie, who either didn’t see or didn’t care about the looks, was fidgeting quietly with something in her purse. I didn’t realize what she was doing until I felt my phone vibrate against my stomach from the pocket of my dress. I quickly glanced up to see if anyone had noticed but Mr. Brentol was still continuing with his lesson and my classmates were still either snoozing or staring off into space. I let out a silent sigh of relief and looked down to read her message. S, we need to talk ASAP. I rolled my eyes and dropped my phone back into my pocket. I could feel Stephanie’s gaze on me but I didn’t check to make sure, I kept my gaze straight forward and pretended to be immensely interested in the art lecture. After what felt like an endless hour, the bell finally rang and Mr. Brentol dismissed class with a half hearted wave of his hand. I scooped up my books, quickly tossing them into my back pack, and hurried out the door. As I walked through the overly crowed hallways I kept my head down and tried my best to blend into the walls, trying to avoid a confrontation. Particularly with Zane or Stephanie, I added silently and felt a frown appear on my lips. When I almost reached the door of my next class I felt a timid tap of the back of my shoulder. I turned around and saw it was Emily. I stifled a sigh as though silently of excuses to get myself alone again. I’m not in a very friendly chatting mood right now, I thought silently as the petite brunette in front of me shifted uncomfortably. “Yes?” I asked in a cold, harsh tone. She ignored my mean tone as she reached into her bright pink backpack and began digging for something. “Look, I’m really sorry but I have to get to my…” My voice trailed off as I saw the fancy envelope she pulled out of her bag and was now handing to me. “I didn’t steal it!” she insisted as if I had begun to assume that, when in reality, I’d never seen the card in my life. “It fell out of your bag when you walked out of class. Don’t worry, I didn’t peak either,” she added then, after handing me the letter, scurried off down the hall before I could even thank her. I opened the envelope and pulled out an even fancier looking card. The front was decorated in lavender flower designs and had a tie-die orange flower in the center of it, it even smelled of flowers as I opened it up and read: Dear Summer, I’ve left something for you outside your dorm. You’d best check it out before classes end or our classmates may ruin it. I flipped the card over, and then read through it again. “No signature,” I muttered silently under my breath. The fancy, decorative writing sounded very familiar to me, but since the note was typed, I had a hard time guessing who sent it. Sent it? They snuck it into your backpack, I reminded myself as I dropped the letter back into my bag. Half of me hoped desperately that the note was from Zane but I knew in my heart that this note wasn’t from him. As I walked down the empty halls, my hands got slick for sweat. Every once in awhile a teacher would come out to shut their door, and I was forced to dart around a nearby corner to avoid being caught. Being the star student of my classes, I’d never skipped class before, and it made me a lot more nervous than I thought I would. Bulk up! I scolded myself silently, It’s not like your going to graffiti a wall. You’re just skipping class, and you have a good reason too… My thoughts continued like this until I reached the hall where my room was located. My room was at the very end of the hall, and from where I was standing, I could just make out an object sitting in front of my door. I quickened my pace and when I reached my door I gasped. Lying in front of my door was one of the most beautiful flower bouquets I’d ever seen in my entire life. It matched the cards front perfectly. The purple flowers, which I now recognized as Lilacs, smelled lovely and were arranged to perfection. The center flower was really what made me gasp thought. There, in the center of Lilacs, was a single Zantendeschia. It looked absolutely gorgeous, in the sea of purple, its bright orange petals stood out wonderfully. Lying near the bouquet was a card that matched the one I’d received earlier. I picked it up with shaking hands and read. Dear Beautiful Summer, I saw these flowers and simply couldn’t resist. Mind you, I added the center flower, I thought that it made it more…You. If I’m not mistaken it is your favorite flower, so how could I get you a bouquet without it? Anyways, I’ve sent you these as my invitation. I would absolutely honored if you would accompany me to Autumn Ball. I know that it’s coming up rather quick, and it is last minute, so I do understand if you already have a date, but if you don’t I ask you to consider. Thanks again for a lovely evening with an even lovelier girl; I hope to see you again soon. Yours Truly, Kyle I let out a squeal of pure joy as I scooped up the bouquet and cradled it in my arms. The Autumn Ball, I almost forgot that was coming up, I thought to myself as I read and re-read Kyle’s letter again. My grin stretched wide across my face and I thought to myself how good it felt to smile again. I stood there gripping the bouquet and smiling like an idiot until I heard footsteps from around the corner. My smile disappeared instantly and I bit my tongue to keep from letting out a yelp of surprise. I quickly hurried into my room and placed the bouquet and cards in the back of my closet, where I could retrieve them later. Jumping into bed, I tested out my fake cough as I pulled the covers up to my chin. For an extra effect I pulled my water bottle out of my bag and dripped some water on my face. There was a loud, firm knock on my door just as my head hit the pillow. “It’s open,” I croaked, making my voice sound hoarse and weak. In a matter of seconds my door was flung open and Ms. Kelly was rushing through the entrance, hurriedly shutting the door behind her. “I heard from your teachers that you hadn’t showed up to some of your classes. Everyone was quite worried about you,” Ms. Kelly said as she straitened her blazer. Her tone was meant to sound kind and worried but to me, it came across as cold and accusing. “So how are you feeling?” she asked, her expression tight as she reached up to feel my forehead. “Oh I’m feeling tons better after lying down for awhile. Actually, I can probably head back to my classes,” I replied, slightly flinching as her cold hand pressed against my forehead. “Well, I believe it’s your lunch hour right now. If you’re sure your feeling better than” “It’s lunchtime?” I asked, cutting her off mid sentence out of shock. Did I really skip that much class? “Yes, it is,” she replied, her tone indicating that I was beginning to annoy her. Before I could respond she continued on, “Perhaps you should take the rest of the day off to fully recover,” she said giving me a smile that sent shivers up and down my spine. “Perhaps,” I finally managed to mutter as she continued to stare unblinkingly at me, with her cold, harsh gaze. “Well you just rest and I’ll notify your teachers,” she said in an overly sweet voice. “Oh and Summer,” she said as she turned towards the door. “Please try to make curfew tonight, that is a rule after all,” she finished then, shutting the door firmly behind her, she left me staring open mouthed behind her. Chapter 30 I sat on my bed for a few moments, staring at my closed door. My head was spinning and spots were forming in my vision. How did she find out about last night? Was she watching me? And why did it seem like she knew I was just skipping? I took a deep breath to calm myself and clear my thoughts. Then, when I was sure no one else was going to enter my room, I crept over to my closet door and scooped my bouquet up into my arms. I cradled it in my arms and inhaled deeply, loving the sweet scent of lavender that filled my nostrils. I sighed, instantly relaxed, as I went back to my bed and sat down. I sat there for a moment, admiring the beauty of the flowers, until it occurred to me that I should give Kyle a call. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number, he answered on the first ring, making me smile. “Oh Hi Summer, did you get my present?” he asked surprising me with the hint of nervousness in his voice. Does he honestly think I’m going to turn him down? I thought and let out a giggle. “Yep, I thought I’d call you and tell you-" “Tell me? Oh…” I could hear the disappointment in his voice which made me shake with silent laughter. He really does think I'm turning him down! “Oh Kyle I’d love to go with you!” I said and I could hear him laughing along with me. “Wow, that’s a relief,” he replied and the tone of his voice changed from sad, to happy with just one statement. A bell rang in the background and Kyle let out a sigh of annoyance. “You’re in your room right?” he asked and I felt my gut clench with nervousness for a reason unknown. “Yeah, but-” “Don’t go anywhere; I’ll be up in a second. Just got to get past the wardens,” he said then hung up before I could protest. I began to chew anxiously on my fingernails as I waited for him to arrive, though it was only about five minutes before I heard a soft knock on my door. I hustled over and flung it open to see Kyle with a smile lighting up his face. What’s he staring at? I wondered looking down then, seeing what he was staring at, I returned the smile. “So I’m taking that as you like them?” Kyle asked, motioning towards the bouquet that I was still cradling in my arms. My smile widened and I motioned for him to come in as I answered, “Like them? I love them, Kyle! Where did you get them?” He stepped through my doorway and I shut the door behind him, feeling my stomach churn as the good girl inside of me remembered the no-guys-in-the-bedroom rule. “The Lilacs are from my mothers garden,” he said, shifting uncomfortably as I cast him a look. “I think you know what I was talking about. Where on Earth did you get a Zantendeschia?” I asked, knowing that almost every store refuses to sell them. Kyle smiled shyly at me and brushed his hair out of his eyes while I waited patiently for him to answer. “Well…I knew you they’re you favorite and…It’s not like the gardeners are going to notice…They hardly even water the place anymore…”he said, his voice drifting in and out as he tried to answer me. “You stole it!?” I asked, feeling suddenly very guilty to be holding the flowers and set them down onto my chair. “No! I left money in the gardeners shed, though I doubt they’ll ever find it,” he said and we both burst into laughter. “So why aren’t you in class?” I asked scooping up my flowers again and plopping down onto my bed. Kyle shook his head so his hair fell into his face as he sat down next to me. “Not everyone thinks that skipping class is equivalent to robbing a bank Summer, some people do it regularly.” he replied giving me a smirk that quickly disappeared when he saw my expression. “Well, if you’re going to be a jerk than you can just leave,” I said motioning towards the door with my free hand. Kyle’s jaw dropped, “Look Summer, I’m sorry…I was just joking around, but it wasn’t funny and-” “Would you shut-up!” I said, playfully punching him in the arm, “I’m totally kidding with you. I can take a little sarcasm, I’m a big girl.” Kyle’s look of sorrow turned to amusement. “That’s it, you asked for it!” he said leaping towards me and tickling my stomach till tears were running down my face. “No! Stop it! AH!” I screamed as we both collapsed in fits of laughter. “I came up here to keep you company, to answer your question,” he said playing with the ends of my hair which made me shiver out of pure joy. “Well, thank-you. You mean a lot to me,” Crap! Did I really just say ‘you’? No, I couldn’t have! I meant to say ‘it’... or did I? I looked up at Kyle to see him smiling. “You mean a lot to me too,” he said and time seemed to slow down as he leaned towards me. It felt like Earth stopped turning and everything was moving in slow motion. I leaned towards him and closed my eyes slowly, not wanting to lose sight of his beautiful face. When our lips met it was like fireworks exploded. It wasn’t like kissing Zane, but it was still wonderful and sweet in its own way. His soft lips continued to brush up against mine and he tangled his fingers through my light blonde hair as I scooted closer towards him. There was a burning passion between us that seemed to strength more and more as our lips met again and again. I felt his soft, warm hand on the small of my back and I smiled as his lips met mine once more before he pulled away. “I love you Kyle,” I said and even I was surprised to hear the words come out of my mouth, I’d never told a guy I loved him before. “I love you too beautiful,” Kyle said as he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, If heaven is anything like this, I’m ready to die now, I thought blissfully as Kyle kissed my forehead and I leaned my head back onto his shoulder. “I’m glad you said yes,” he said, stroking my hair after a few moments of silence. “I’m glad you asked,” I replied smiling up at him. “You really should put those in a vase, they’ll last longer that way,” he said motioning to the bouquet that was lying at the end of my bed, I’d tossed it there when we’d started to kiss and now my cheeks flushed bright pink as I remembered this. I reluctantly got up from his embrace and crawled over to where my flowers where lying, smiling at the beauty of them. “They really are gorgeous,” I said and was startled to feel Kyle place his hands on my waist from behind me. “They had to be, beautiful flowers for an even more beautiful girl.” I blushed even deeper, like always do when he compliments me, and leaned forward in an attempt to hide my face behind my hair. Kyle reached forward and tucked the few shielding pieces of hair behind my ear then shot me a smile, “Sorry, but it’s too pretty of a face to hide it.” I grinned at him and let out a giggle. “Can I ask you something?” I asked and he turned to face me, suddenly serious. “Anything.” He confirmed. “Why me? Why do you like me, instead of Stephanie or Terri?” I asked and he let out a snort. “Well, to start, Terri Levi and Stephanie Marlow aren’t anything compared to you. Second, I think we’ve already determined that I don’t ‘like’ you, I ‘love’ you. Third, how could a guy not love you Summer? You’re amazingly beautiful, smart, creative, edgy, feisty, you like to go on adventures, and you’re one of the kindest girls I’ve ever met.” He finished and catching my shocked expression he laughed and pulled me towards him again. “No wait.” I said putting my hand against his chest to restrain him. “What?” he asked with a hint of a smile as he reached up and intertwined his fingers with mine. “Do really think that highly of me?” I asked feeling rather flattered. The only person who’s ever talked to me like that is… I felt my heart clench as I thought of him. How did he manage to sneak his way into my thoughts? Why can’t being with Kyle be enough for me? But It is! I insisted silently as his soft fingertips caressed my high cheek bones. “Well, I would stay, but Ms. Kelly has a habit of checking up on those who skip, and I’d like to avoid detention,” he said getting up off of my bed. Hearing Ms. Kelly’s name brought back her chilling image and the memories of our last conversation, making me shiver. “You okay?” Kyle called over his shoulder as he headed for my door. “Yeah, just a little cold,” I assured him feeling a pang of guilt in my stomach as I lied to him. “Well, see you later Summer. Love you!” he said shooting me an extra white smile as he opened my door and stepped out. “Love you too,” I whispered as my door swung shut. But do I really ‘love’ Kyle? Yes, I finally decided, Yes I do and right now, he’s the only one I love. I laid back down on my bed and continued to repeat that to myself hoping that if I said it enough, it might make it more true. Chapter 31 A few hours later, I heard the last school bell ring and let out a sigh of relief, no more visits from Ms. Kelly. I stared at the bouquet sitting on my widow sill and let out a sigh. Life should feel great right now. So why doesn’t it? I wasn’t sure how to answer that thought, so I decided to ignore it. The clicking of my door getting unlocked made me jump and crouch into a defensive stance. Sierra smiled and gave a small wave, “It’s just me.” I breathed a sigh of relief and returned to sitting on my bed. “Oh! What a pretty bouquet! It couldn’t be from Zane , could it?” she asked, pulling herself up to my bunk, and plopping down next to me. The way she said Zane’s name suggested she knew something I didn’t and it made my stomach flip from nervousness. “No, it’s not from Zane. Why would you think that?” I asked anxiously picking at my cuticles. “Oh no reason,” she said giving me a wink and playing with her short, choppy hair. “Spill,” I said, shooting her a glare. Her smile dropped, “Oh, you really didn’t see it…” she said then got up and motioned for me to follow her. We walked through our doorway and came to a halt right outside our door, where a note hung. A fancy Z was inscribed on the front, letting passing viewers know exactly who it was from. I shifted uncomfortably. Was that on the door this whole time? Did Kyle see it? Did he read it? I shook my head to clear it then snatched the note off of the door. Why couldn’t it have a K on in? It would make this so much easier! I cursed under my breath as I opened the letter so only I could read it. Dear Summer, We need talk, no I need to apologize, and I’m not doing it through a letter or a text. Please meet me in front of the school at 5:00 tonight. -Zane I folded up the letter and put it my pants pocket with a defeated sigh. Was it really only a year ago that I had absolutely no life whatsoever? And now… I have 2 boyfriends! I shook my head at that last thought, actually I have 1 boyfriend, and his name is Kyle. I gave a quick reassuring nod to Sierra as her eyebrows shot up her forehead. “Wanna talk?” she asked a concerned look crossing her face. “I’d love to, but I can’t. If have to meet someone,” I replied glancing at my watch. I had five minutes till I was supposed to meet with Zane. I took a deep, steadying breath and started to shuffle my way down the hall. By the time I made it outside I was 3 minutes late. I walked out door and towards the buff figure that had his back to me. As I approached he heard the slight crunching of twigs and turned around to face me. My breath got caught in my throat, I’d forgotten how handsome he was. He held out his hand to me and I took it. His skin felt warm and soft to touch, I missed it greatly. He led me over to the school’s outdoor fountain and we sat down on the side of it. Once we were seated, he dropped my hand and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. “They say that fountains reform hearts and-” “Rekindle new love,” I finished for him. He smiled at me and I sat on my hands to refrain from throwing them around him at the sight of his adorable dimples. “Look, Summer I-” “You don’t have to apologize.” I said turning away from him. He placed a hand on my leg and used his other to turn my face towards his. “Yes, I do. I know I was jerk, I know I shouldn’t have lied to you, and most of all I know that I hurt you badly. The worst part is that those were all the things I wanted to avoid,” he said whispering the last part more to himself than to me. “Hey, look at me,” I said and instantly his bright blue eyes rose to mine. “We all make mistakes, and if we’re gonna be honest with each other, I miss you.” I paused, choking back a sob then added, “I need you.” “Oh Summer,” Zane said wrapping me in his warm embrace that I missed so much and pulling me close. “Oh Summer I’m so sorry,” he whispered in my ear, “I’m so, so sorry.” He said it over and over while I sat crying into the shoulder of his t-shirt. I let the tears slide down my face and into the fountains glistening waters. “Just p-promise me one t-thing,” I said through choked sobs. “Anything your heart desires,” he said and I sobbed even harder at the resemblance of his and Kyle’s responses. “Don’t ever lie to m-me again, it j-just hurts t-too m-much,” I said and I felt him slide his fingers under my chin. “Summer Charard, I promise, with all of my life, that I will never, ever lie to you again,” he said then, he kissed me. He kissed me with passion, with desire, and pure un-dying love. His kiss wiped my mind blank. No one else existed but him. No Stephanie, no Sierra, no Lance, and no Kyle. No Kyle…. Kyle! I jerked away from Zane, losing my balance and falling feet first into the fountains icy water. When my head broke through the surface of the cold water, my thoughts came back. They flooded into my mind like the rushing water surrounding my body. What did I just do! I thought as two strong hands pulled me up and out of the freezing ice water. “Summer? Summer, are you okay?” Zane asked taking off his jacket and putting it on my shoulders. “What the Hell is going on here?” A voice from behind me asked, causing me to spin around and come face to face with Kyle. “Nothing, Kyle. Absolutely nothing.” I ignored the hurt look on Zane’s face as I threw my arms around Kyle’s neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Are you okay, honey?” he asked stroking my cheek. “I’m fine.” “Summer, can we please just talk about this?” Zane asked reaching out and grabbing my arm. “Get your hands off of her!” Kyle shouted lightly pushing me behind himself and shoving Zane backwards. “I said I was fine, Kyle. There’s no need to get angry,” I said meekly. Kyle’s eyes didn’t even blink as he answered me, “No, you’re not fine. This jerk’s made you cry again and this time is the last time he’s gonna do that to you. I’m gonna make sure of it,” Kyle said shoving Zane back another few steps. “She doesn’t need a lame loser like you in her life anymore,” Kyle said pushing Zane yet another few feet back until his calves were touching the marble rim of the fountain. “Don’t you get it? She doesn’t like you anymore!” Kyle said and I gasped out loud as Zane’s fist made contact with Kyle’s jaw. Kyle clutched his jaw and kick Zane in the knee. Zane fell, clutching his knee, and used his elbow to hit Kyle in the back of the head. “Stop it! Please! Stop! Both of you!” I shrieked, pushing them away from each other with all of the strength I had in me. Neither of them budged but with me in such close proximity, they didn’t dare throw any more punches. “You just stay away from her!” Kyle spit as he got up from the ground and pulled me closer to him. “Let’s go Summer.” He pulled me with him as he marched towards the school. I looked back over my shoulder and caught Zane’s glance. His normally bright blue eyes, were dim and sad, his perfect lips pouted in a look of defeat. “Please, don’t leave,” He whispered so only I could hear. I’m sorry , I whispered, and his defeat lessened, he’d read my lips perfectly. Kyle opened the door and dragged me inside but before I was in I threw my head back, looking directly at Zane and mouthed, I love you . Then, as Kyle slammed the door, I forgot about Zane, about the kiss, and about my last words. I left it all outside, and linked my arm through my boyfriends as we started off down the hall together. Chapter 32 We made it halfway down the hallway before Kyle pulled me aside and pushed me back, against the wall. My mind flashed back the memory of Zane, he’d done the exact same thing right after our first date. No! No more comparing Kyle to Zane! Kyle is your boyfriend and Zane is a friend. I silently reprimanded myself as Kyle’s lips turned up in a smile. “You’re doing it again,” he said brushing my wet hair out of my face. “Doing what?” I asked. Comparing you to Zane? I thought nervously, How does he know I do that? “You’re thinking real hard about something. I can tell, and I think I know what it is,” he said and I shifter uncomfortably, letting my body press up against the hard stone of the wall. “You do?” He smiled at me, making my stomach churn with guilt. “Of course I do. You feel guilty about kissing Zane, but no worries Summer. I think I know how you can make it up to me,” he said and I gave him a confused look. “How?” I asked and his smile widened. “By saying yes.” I sighed, beginning to feel annoyed with him, “But I already did say yes!” I protested as he finally released his strong hold on my arms. “I’m not talking about the dance Summer,” he replied, ignoring my look of annoyance as I took a step away from the wall and wrung my hair out. “Then what are you talking about Kyle?” I asked with a sigh, I was really getting tired of all of these games. “I would like you to meet my parents,” he answered and I felt my breath catch in my throat. “Y-your parents? As in your family? When?” I asked turning to face him. He reached up and took hold of my hands, intertwining his fingers with mine before he answered me. “Well, my parents are my family, I have no siblings, and yes they said that they would be delighted if you would come have dinner with us. We were thinking on this tomorrow.” He finished and I felt my jaw drop. “Tomorrow? They want to meet me? What happens if they don’t like me? What happens if-” “Oh Summer, relax!” he said giving me a quick peck on my forehead. “They’re going to love you just as much as I do. In fact, I’ve already got us permission from the office to leave campus, so now all that’s standing in the way is your answer,” he finished his statement by giving me a sly smile that made me let out a nervous giggle. “Of course I’ll meet them!” I said giggling as Kyle picked me up and spun me around. We both laughed as he tripped over the uneven floor and we were both sent tumbling onto the ground. Sprawled out on the soft, carpeted entrance hall we must have looked incredibly foolish, but at that moment, I didn’t care. Kyle got up and brushed his pants off then offered me his hand. I took it graciously and laughed joyfully as he pulled me up off the floor and into his warm, loving embrace. “I’m glad you said yes…again,” Kyle whispered as I clung tighter to him. “I’m glad you asked…again,” I replied and gave his lips a soft kiss before untangling myself from him. “I should head back to my room before Sierra gets worried, I kind of left her in a hurry,” I said and gave Kyle one last hug before we set off in separate directions. I made if halfway to my dorm before I registered the fact that I was still wearing Zane’s jacket. I sighed, maybe I can give to Lance, and the he can deliver it for me. I thought glumly as I again regretted whispering ‘I love you’ to Zane. I shouldn’t have done that. All that did was make things more complicated. I gave my forehead a light slap as I replayed the evenings highlights in my mind. Zane kissing me, me falling, them fighting, me mouthing words, and Kyle’s invite. It’d all happened so fast that most of it was a blur. Click! I heard a loud stomp from somewhere near by, ignoring it, I kept on walking. Click! There it is again! I thought as I looked around for the person behind the noise, but found nothing and kept walking. “Oh for the love of Christ would you turn around!” called an annoyed voice from behind me. I whipped around, not sure how I’d missed whoever it was and then I saw her. Stephanie stood by the wall, her expression tired and sad. She was wearing her pink, lace and silk pajamas and her hair was slicked back into a high pony. My eyebrows shot up at the sight of her. “Sleep walking are we?” I checked my watch, “It isn’t even 8:00 yet, why are you in your pajamas?” As normal, she plastered on a superior glare and stood up straighter before she answered me, “I just got finished with my massage and thought I’d relax!” she said pointedly and I let out a sigh. “So I only have 2 questions,” I said giving her a sarcastic glance, “1.) Which boy did you con into giving you a massage now? And 2.) What are you doing in the hallway?” She twirled the end of her pony tail nervously before answering. “Would you just forgive and forget already?” she yelled, surprising me. “I mean, come on! I’m sorry that Zane lied, and go ahead and stay mad at him, but don’t drag me into this! I’m not the one who lied to you!” she insisted stomping over to look me in the eyes. “You know I don’t apologize a lot…” she said her voice trailing off as she looked down at her feet. I crossed my arms and waited for her to continue. “Look, do I really have to say it?” she said and I shot her a glance. “Say what? You’re sorry?” I asked innocently and she gave me a disgusted glance. “Of course not! I have nothing to apologize for!” “Nothing to apologize for? You have absolutely-” “Don’t you get it!” she yelled, cutting me off mid sentence. “I have no one ! I don’t have caring parents, I don’t have a brother cares if I even exists, I don’t have any relationship, yet alone a good one. Most of all, I don’t have any friends! I’m sorry! Okay? I’m sorry!” she yelled in fury and without a second glance she ran to the end of the hall, flung her door open, and slammed it shut behind her. I stood there for a moment, did that really just happen? I asked myself as I forced my feet to walk forward. Who would guess that Stephanie actually has a heart? I thought as I stumbled my way back to my room. When I got to my dorm room I flung open the door, then after shutting it behind me, I dragged myself onto my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. I had no intentions of actually sleeping, but it felt good to just lie there and do nothing. After only a few minutes of nothing I heard my phone vibrate from my computer desk and turned over to look at it, contemplating whether I should get up to answer it. Sierra rounded the corner from our bathroom and glanced over at my phone. “You want me to get that?” she asked as she ran a comb through her short, choppy brown hair. “Yeah, thanks,” I replied as she scooped my phone up and tossed it to me. “Hello?” I said hearing how tired my voice sounded and heard a rustling on the other line. “Hi sweetheart,” My fathers low baritone voice rang through the receiver. “Oh hi daddy!” I said instantly glad to hear from my family. “What’s up?” I asked casually and heard him clear his throat, something he only does when he’s nervous. “Is everything alright, dad?” I asked willing him with all of my might to assure me that everything was fine. “Uh, no honey, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you,” he said and I heard the sadness emitting from his voice. “Daddy? What’s wrong, Daddy?” I asked, sounding like the small child my father could always bring out in me. “Your mother and I have done a lot of thinking about this…and we want you to understand that this has nothing to do with you…Honey, your mother and I are splitting up.” He finished and his words made the tears spring back up in my eyes. “What! But you and mommy are happy together! You’ve always been happy together!” I cried as my father tried to console me. “I know, I know, and I’m sorry that you have to hear it like this, but we just aren’t happy anymore.” The way he said it made me stop sobbing and sit up straighter. “This wasn’t a mutual decision, was it? This is mom’s choice! She’s the one who’s ‘not happy’ anymore!” I said and I heard my father let out a defeated sigh. “Yes, your mother is the one who brought about this but you’re not to blame her. Things like this happen, and honey, can you really blame her? We hardly see each other anymore, with my constant working and her travels; it’s obvious to see that we’ve drifted.” My sadness turned to anger. “How could she does this to us?!” I screamed as unwelcome tears slid down my face. “Summer listen I-” “I gotta go,” I said then hung and threw my phone a the floor. It bounced one then lay still on the carpet. I looked up from my bed and saw Sierra’s concerned look. She walked over and cautiously picked up my phone, as if she were afraid I would throw something again. After she had it in her hand, she set it back down onto my desk then pulled herself up to sit with me on my bed. “If you wanna talk-” “Yes, I need to talk,” I replied and without waiting for a response I started into what happened after I’d left her and for the first time since I had my first dream, I didn’t lie. I told her everything, leaving nothing out, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had a friend. Chapter 33 After I finished re-telling my complicated evening to Sierra she let out a tired sigh. “I can’t believe you go together with Kyle and didn’t tell me!” she said in mock shock, putting a hand to her chest and giving me a fake-out raged look. I smiled, “Is that really the most shocking part of that whole story?” “Well…no I guess not,” she said and reached forward to give my arm a quick pinch. “Ouch! What was that for?” I asked rubbing my now red arm. “Sorry, just making sure you knew how much this is like a dream!” she said and let out a giggle. “How many girls can say they have two hot boyfriends?” I let out an involuntary flinch at the dream comment and shot her a look on the boyfriend part. “Didn’t you listen to anything I said? I only have one boyfriend, and his name is Kyle,” I insisted, motioning to the bouquet for an extra effect. She smiled at me and gave my knee a squeeze before answering, “Oh you know I listened, but you did tell him you loved him, and you said the kiss was-” “I know!” I snapped at her, I didn’t want to hear about what I thought the kiss was like, replaying it in my head was making me feel guilty enough on its own. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. It’s just, you never really explained why you and Zane broke up, you were so happy before and I just want you to be happy again,” she said and for her benefit I made my lips stop grimacing and pull themselves into a smile. “I’m sorry about your parents,” she said, giving me pitying look. “Don’t be. They’re not splitting up, it’s just a misunderstanding, I’ll call my mom in the morning and get everything straightened out,” I said sounding defiant. “Are you sure?” she asked sounding unconvinced and concerned. “Yes, I’m positive.” I replied pretending to pick at a hangnail. “So…Are you excited to meet Kyle’s parents?” she asked, returning to a safe topic. I lifted my eyes to meet hers, “I’m terrified.” She let out a giggle then asked, “Why? They can’t be that bad!” she insisted and this time, I joined in with her laughter. “I’m not worried about how they’ll be bad, I’m worried they won’t like me!”I said and she gave my arm a light slap. “Oh come on Summer, we both know they’ll love you. Who doesn’t?” she said then got up off of my bed and began rummaging through my closet. “So what are you wearing?” she asked pulling out a knit sweater dress my grandmother got me last year and showcased it with her hand. I shook my head and let out a giggle before I answered, “I have no idea, but I figured I’d find that out tomorrow.” “Oh okay,” she said quietly putting the dress back and sitting back down next to me again. “Hey, you know I’m here to talk if you need it, right?” she asked turning towards me and giving me sad look. “Yeah, of I course I do! Why?” I asked and looking into her innocent, trusting eyes I felt my stomach flip with guilt. Why don’t you just tell her about the dreams? I asked myself silently but I kept my lips sealed shut. “It’s just…Sometimes, when we talk, it seems like there’s something that’s always bugging you. I’m not trying to push or anything, but sometimes it makes you feel better just to have someone else know,” she said then looking up at me with her big, innocent blue eyes, I saw she was crying. “Oh Sierra! Of course I know I can tell you anything! I’ve shared everything with, no worries!” I pulled her close and giant bear hug in what looked like an act of support, but really, I was just hiding the guilty look on my face. “Just as long as you know I’m here for you…” she said, sniffling and wiping her nose with a Kleenex. “Yes, of course I know that and if anything else happens, you’re the first person I’ll go to,” I assured her as I stuffed more tissues into her small, shaking hands. “Oh thanks Summer! You’re the best! I’m sorry it’s just, with your parents splitting up, it reminds me of m-my p-parents…M-my d-dad.” She finished letting out a sob and I gave her another supportive hug. “What happened to your dad?” I asked tentatively once she calmed down some, not wanting to send her into hysterics again. “He was killed, in a shooting,” she began, sounding relatively calm to be talking about her father’s death. “It was just a mere 2 months before school started. I remember that day perfectly, every minute of it. I was playing with little brother, Jackson, when the police car pulled up. I remember watching from our backyard, seeing my mother come out and talk to them, then seeing her double over, crying. I remember how she just kept crying and how Jackson kept pulling on the bottom of my dress and asking what was wrong. We lived in a bad neighborhood, my mother still does. Shortly after my father was shot in the drive-by, Jackson was sent to live with my grandmother, and I was sent here. Jackson’s only 6 years old…He’s so young, but so, so strong. None of my family thinks he understands what happened, but he does. He just hides it better than I do,” she said and then everything clicked into place in my mind. “So that’s why you were so upset about not being able to contact your mom!” I said, remembering the time when we’d stayed up late as she confided in me that she hadn’t talked to her mother, and desperately wanted to. “Yes,” Sierra replied, nodding her head solemnly, “I always like to check in with her, to make sure she’s still there…still alive.” I let out a sigh and mimicked her by slapping her lightly on her forearm. “Why do we always talk about me? It sounds like you have a lot to talk about too!” I said and she looked up at me with a dry humored look. “I’ve done too much talking, enough to last me a lifetime.” “Oh?” I asked questioningly, Sierra didn’t strike me as the talker type. “After his funeral, my mother forced me to see a grief counselor. I got my fair share of pity from her, and yet I still consider it one of the worst experiences of my life,” she replied brushing her fingers through her brown hair. “Worst? Why, was she mean?” I asked and Sierra quickly shook her head. “Oh, no she was lovely. But every time I went to see her, it was like I relived that day. It was torturous for me to go through week after week. You don’t know how glad I was when I finally got shipped off to here,” Sierra replied and I gave her small hand a squeeze. “Well, don’t let me get you all depressed before bed, or you might have nightmares,” she said giving me a wink as if I found that funny and not terrifying. “Nightmares?” I asked in a weak voice and she looked at me like I’d said something crazy. “Yeah, about shootings…I always have them…” she said and I put aside my suspicions and fears and gave her a smile. “Just count sheep, it helps bring better dreams, or at least it does for me,” I replied then added silently in my head, or it used to help ward off bad dreams, not anymore though. Sierra gave me a smile and jumped down off of my bed. “I’ve never heard of that one, I guess I’ll have to try it,” she called over her shoulder as changed out of her jeans and t-shirt and threw on her cotton cloud pajamas. Climbing into bed and pulling the covers up to her chin, she gave me a meek smile and laid her head back onto the pillow. I sighed and laid back too, hoping that counting sheep may work again someday until I heard Sierras soft voice whisper, “And Summer?” I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the dark room rather quickly then asked, “Huh?” “Thanks for talking to me tonight,” she replied and I felt like an absolute coward. Why couldn’t I just tell her the truth? She’s told me everything, and all I’ve done is lie. I pushed the annoying voices farther back into my mind and whispered back, “Any time.” Before I closed my eyes and began counting sheep, hoping with all my heart that it would work. Chapter 34 I felt myself falling through space. Everything around me was pitch black and I could see nothing. As I fell my heart began to race, and my pulse quicken. What will happen when I hit the bottom? I asked myself as I continued to fall. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I didn’t want to find out. I pictured my mother at her best. Her blonde hair flowing to her thin waist, his facial features fixed in laughter and my father’s arm around her shoulder. It was a picture she kept on her bedside table whenever and wherever she traveled, taken from her teenage years. My mother’s flawless face was turned towards my fathers, their noses touching in a sign of affection. I could picture it perfectly. Just seconds later, I landed gently on the floor of an old town house. My mother sleeping form lay in the bed next to me. “Thank god that worked,” I muttered as I paced around the room. “How could she does this to my father and I? How could she?!” I asked the skies, my voice rising. My mother’s sleeping body rolled over, then back again. “Oh, that’s right, she can hear me,” I whispered to myself as I walked over to the dresser next to her bed. “Maybe I can find a few clues in here,” I said quietly. My eyes scanned the stray pieces of paper for any words like, ‘divorce’ or ‘fighting’ or even ‘angry’ but found nothing. Sighing, I opened the drawer slowly, trying to make the least amount of noise possible. Once opened, the drawer proved to be very useful. Tons of important looking papers covered the bottom of it. I reached in and scooped them up. Carefully, I held up the first paper, which resembled a diary entry and read it: Received Update today, She has had another one. I’ve reported this, and they assure me she is far off from danger, but I’m not so sure. The boy has promised to protect her, though I doubt he knows who he was promising too. Vincent called again today. Oh how I hate lying to him, but I must not get him involved in this. How long will he put up with my vagueness? Much longer, I can only hope… I put the paper down and stared at my mother in shock. What was she lying to dad about? I thought silently as I held up the next sheet, it too looked like a diary entry. Vincent has finally caught on, not to my work of course, but to my lies. Though it broke my heart in two, I suggested a divorce. He deserves better than this. Better than me. I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I think this is the easiest route for everyone. I hope he will understand with time, and I hope Summer will also. My dear Summer, oh how I miss her! I just wish I could spend one night with her laying in my arms, like she did when she was a child. At least that way I would stop worrying about her. I’m always worrying…All I do is worry… The ink trailed off and again and I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I miss you too mom! I said all feelings of the divorce forgotten. “Why did you lie to Daddy?” I asked her sleeping form. “Why?” I whispered again to myself. If you still love him, why lie? I didn’t understand my mother’s choices and hope the last paper would explain more. I held it up; it was different from the other, in a to-do list form. 1.) Mail divorce papers to Vincent 2.) Call Summer, apologize 3.) Call for update I looked at the page for a few seconds longer. Apologize? For the divorce, or something else? I thought silently as I quietly stuffed the papers back into the drawer. Shutting it softly, I admired how relaxed my mother looked while she slept. It was an expression of hers that I’d never seen. Her lips were curved up in a slight smile and her hands reached out for a form that wasn’t there. “Vincent?’ she said it so soft that I almost thought I’d imagined it until she whispered it again, “Vincent? Where are you? Why have you left me?” A lone tear rolled down her cheek and landed onto her pillow. “Oh Mom, just call it off,” I whispered then an idea struck me. I opened the drawer and found the to-do list again. Picking up a pencil, I made my edits then laid back down. It now read: 1.) Make up with Vincent 2.) Call Summer, Catch up 3.) Call for an update I let out a sigh as I stared at my handy work and gave a smile. I wonder what mom will think about when she finds this. My mom rolled over and again then, ever so slowly, she began to wake up. Seeing her beginning to sit up and rub her eyes, I let out a soft “Eek!” and quickly pictured my old houses garden again. After a few seconds of waiting I disappeared then reappeared in my small, pathetic garden. I smiled, breathing in the scent of the flowers and went to lie down at my usual spot. As I walked out to the old wooden bench I saw a note was lying on top of it. Sighing out of exhaustion, I reached down and picked it up. A poem for Summer, You cannot run forever, Think you can hide from me? How un-clever! Think I can’t see? You’re dumb as ever. It’s been awhile since I said hi, So tell me Summer, are you ready to die? I dropped the note with a gasp. Who wrote that? I thought to myself as I looked around the garden. Was it ‘the man’? I asked, hoping that thinking of him wouldn’t summon his presence. I sighed; I’ll just think about it in the morning, I thought glumly as I lay down on the rotting wooden bench. Soon after my head hit the rotting wood, the garden faded from around me and my dream world slipped away, leaving me falling once more, into a world of darkness. Chapter 35 I woke up soaked in sweat, my light blonde hair wet, and clinging to my damp forehead. I kept taking trying to take deep breaths, which instead came out in short gasps, to fill my lungs and slow my racing heart. Black spots kept filling my vision whenever I tried to open my eyes and the seemed to be spinning around me. I’m having a panic attack, stating this fact to myself actually seemed to calm me down. At last, I could breathe evenly again. I used my blankets to wipe most of the sweat from my face, then got down off my bunk and walked over to my mirror. All of this trouble over a silly note? I tried to play it off as nothing, but in reality just thinking about that poem made the hairs on my back stand on end. I tore myself away from my pale, shaken reflection and walked over to my desk to check my clock. Well, at least I woke up on time, I thought to myself, that gives me a whole hour to get ready! Instantly in a brighter mood, I snatched up my clothes and towel then saw Sierra’s sleeping form still lying in her bed. I tiptoed over to the side of her bed and gave her shoulder a light shake. “Huh?” she asked drowsily, sitting up slowly and running a hand through her short, choppy brown hair. “Time for school,” I replied then ran off to our bathroom to shower. I took longer than usual for my shower, letting the steam and heat relax my overly tense muscles. As the warm water droplets ran down my back and into the drain, I let the memories of last night’s dream go with it. I ran my hands through my sopping, wet hair and ran a washcloth over my face. A loud bang of the bathroom door pulled me out of my soapy relaxation. I rinsed off, and then stuck my head out around the shower curtain. “Yes?” I asked smothering my voice with fake annoyance. “Hurry up!” Sierra shouted in a mock angry voice, and I heard her let out a loud giggle. “You’re wasting all the hot water!” she called and I rolled my eyes. “Oh relax; I’m getting out as we speak!” I yelled back as I shut off the running water and stepped out onto the cool, tile floor. I plucked my towel up, off of the bathroom counter, and wrapped it around my body. Then, after wringing out my hair, I snatched up that hair dryer and a spare brush, and opened up the door. “Bathroom’s all yours,” I replied and Sierra gave me a smile. “Thanks S.” I gave her a nod before she shut the door, then walked over and began blowing my hair dry in our tiny, one person mirror. 30 minutes later, my light blonde hair was perfectly smooth and flowing nicely over my small shoulders. I was dressed in mini skirt and a tank top and wore converse as my shoes. Sierra picked up her back pack off of her bed and gave me a casual wave over her shoulder as she headed for the door. “We’d better head out, or we might be late.” I gave her a nod and after picking up my own backpack, followed her out, into the hall. After that, my school seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I was standing in the lunch line waiting for my food. The cafeteria lady dumped something unrecognizable onto my plate and urged me forward. Sighing, I picked up my tray and threw it into the nearest trash bin, grabbing a bag of chips instead. With my chips and vitamin water in hand, I walked over and plopped down next to Kyle. Today, he was joined by Sierra and Brady, a guy who Sierra met in her tech class and has had a huge crush on since she first saw him. “Oh, hey honey,” Kyle said getting up and pulling my chair out for me. “Aw, you didn’t have to do that,” I said and blushed as I took my seat. “So are you excited for tonight?” Kyle asked reaching under the table and giving my thigh a squeeze. I jumped and let out a nervous giggle, “Yeah, of course.” Eager to get off the topic, I turned towards Sierra and gave her an encouraging smile. “So how was tech?” She looked up from her food and gave me a shrug. “Same as usual.” I bit my lip and turned towards Brady. “So, I heard you’re on yearbook committee this year. Is it fun?” He looked up at me through his mess of black hair, a sarcastic smiling playing on his lips. “I quit two years ago,” he replied and I let out a frustrated sigh. “Looks like I have some catching up to do,” I joked, trying to cover up my sigh. It must not have worked because Kyle turned and faced me, “Everything okay babe?” I smiled and gave him quick nod. He stared at me for a while longer then averted his eyes back to his food. Across the cafeteria, I saw Stephanie enter, and I slowly go up to go talk to her. “Honey, where are you going?” Kyle asked giving me a confused look. Sierra and Brady too looked up me questioningly. I gave them all a weak smile and said, “Oh, just have some un-finished business to attend to.” I speed walked over to Stephanie in order to catch up to her. When she saw me, she whispered something in Lance’s ear then rose to greet me. “What the hell do you want?” Wait, did I just hear that wrong? I thought to myself questioningly. Was she not the girl who was crying last night about having no on? Stephanie gave me an irritated glare. “I came over to ask if you wanted to come sit with us,” I replied giving her a smile. She shot daggers at me with her eyes. “I’d rather get shot in the head multiple times then get caught dead sitting with you losers,” she replied and I could tell her icy exterior was up harder than ever today. “Is that why you’re acting so strange? Because you have multiple head injuries?” I asked looking up at her with innocent eyes. “Strange?” she asked her jaw clenched tightly. “Well, I guess it’s normal behavior for someone who has no one,” I continued and I watched her jaw drop. “I’d love to challenge you a battle at wits, but it doesn’t feel right attacking someone who’s unarmed,” she replied her bright blues eyes giving me a cold, hard stare. “Why are you always so sarcastic?” I asked giving her a look of question. “It’s my body’s natural defense against stupidity,” she replied and I let out a giggle. “Okay, I definitely didn’t see that one coming.” She remained stone face, and unmoving. “Oh, come on! I’m sure Lance would come, and you could help me pick out my outfit for my date!” I said putting a false pep in my voice and giving her an eager smile. This time, she smiled back. Putting one manicured hand on her skinny hip she leaned in closer to me. “Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.” She said and I let out an angry sigh. “What about having no one? Is this how you plan on getting friends? Because if so, it’s not working so great!” I yelled causing several people sitting nearby to turn and stare at us. “Sometimes you’re such a moron, I kind of admire you,” she replied causing several people to giggle around us. “Gee thanks Stephanie, I know I can always count on you to wrap up my day in sunshine,” I replied then, raising my vice a bit, I added, “At least you have someone to talk to today. After all, I’d hate to be that person with no family, friends, or really people in general, that like you,” I said and Stephanie’s scowl turned into disbelief. She looked around herself at all of the people watching then, giving me a quick glare or disbelief, she fled. I heard heels clacking on the hard floor as she bolted out of the cafeteria. Lance gave me a questioning look then darted out after her. “I think you really hurt her feelings.” I turned around and let out a gasp, “You scared me!” I said staring up into Zane’s bright blue eyes. “Sorry,” he said giving me smile that made my heart quicken. “I’d love to chat,” I said looking around to see if Kyle was looking, he was, “but I should probably go finish my lunch.” Zane nodded slowly, giving me an unconvinced look before motioning with his hands, “Don’t let me stop you from eating lunch with your boyfriend.” My smile dropped and I gave him a look of despair. “Oh come on Zane, don’t be like that,” I insisted but he was already off, walking out the same door that Stephanie had just minutes before. “Oh don’t feel bad darling,” Kyle said from behind me, making me jump out of surprise. “I didn’t know you were there. Did you hear all of that?” I asked turning around to face him. “Of course not, I find no reason to eavesdrop on you,” he said then offered his hand to me. “Shall we go enjoy lunch together?” he asked and I gave him a nod and grabbed his soft hand. Chapter 36 After lunch, my school day passed so quick it was a blur. As I sat in History, my last class of the day, I went over my choices in my head for what outfit I should wear for tonight. My green slip dress would compliment his eyes just perfectly and I could combine that with my… “Summer? Hello, Summer? Ms Charad!” My head snapped up to meet the angry eyes of my teacher. Mrs. Krenchin, my elderly history teacher, stood in front of my desk, a scowl present on her old, winkled face. “I hate to interrupt your thought, but I have a history lesson to teach!” she snapped and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. All you were doing was sitting at your desk and reading Lifetime magazines, I retaliated in my mind but out loud I only replied, “Yes ma’am.” She shook her head at me once more, and then returned to sit at her desk. After that, class passed without any more interference. The bell let out a shrill ring and all of the students collected their belongings and headed out for the door. “I haven’t dismissed you!” Mrs. Krenchin called after them, but no one stopped or reentered the room. I hurried out behind the rest of them and heard her call after me. “Don’t let me catch you day dreaming again Ms Charad! It’ll be an automatic detention next time!” I sighed; Detention’s the last thing I need to worry about right now. Once I reached my room’s door I flung it open and hurried in to join Sierra, who was sitting patiently, waiting on her bed. “Ready to get pampered?” she asked and I nodded my head eagerly. Once we had everything ready, she began to curl my light blonde hair into small ringlets while I powered my make-up on. “So…” I said dragging out the O to add emphasis, “what’s going on with you and Brady?” She smiled at me in the mirror and picked up a make-up brush from the counter. Brushing it lightly under my eyes before she answered, “Nothing serious, we’re just friends.” I looked up at her questioningly. “Is everything alright? You seem down?” I asked as I lengthened my lashes dramatically with my mascara. “Yes everything’s…No actually, it’s not,” she said then pulled my soft ringlets up into an elegant up-do style at the nape of my neck. After she was finished, I turned around to face her. “What’s wrong? Is it about your mom?” I asked instantly concerned. “No, no, it’s nothing to do with me. It’s really none of my business but… I’m just worried Kyle isn’t who he says he is,” she replied and my worried expression disappeared, masked by a look of shock. “What?! Why would you think that?” I demanded getting up from my chair and pacing around the room. “I don’t know…it’s just a vibe I get when I’m around him. He just seems so…fake,” she said then looked down at her feet to avoid my eyes. “Well, that’s a shame because he really seems to like you. Maybe you shouldn’t judge people off of vibes and actually get to know them,” I replied as I began to shift through the hangers in my closet. “Here, wear this,” she said pulling out a gorgeous white dress and handing it to me. I gasped, “It’s gorgeous! Where did you get it?” I asked clinging to the fabric longingly. “I bought it awhile ago for the Autumn Ball, but I’m not going anymore so I figure it should at least get some use.” I gave her an open mouthed look of shock and place the dress back into her hands. “There’s absolutely no way I can take this from you. It’s just too gorgeous Sierra, and way too expensive!” She shook her head and handed it back to me, “No, I want you to have it. It’ll look gorgeous on you, and it can be my peace offering. I’m sorry about judging Kyle, it was rude of me,” she replied and I gave a hug. “Oh Sierra, What would I do without you?” I exclaimed then let out a squeal of joy and raced off to get changed. Once in the dress, I ran out of the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. The dress fit my body perfectly, the white fabric flowing beautifully from my waist past my feet. The top consisted of brown and cream bead work, making the dress look modern and edgy. A brown belt pulled in at the waist, accentuating my thin, lean figure, and golden tassels hung down past the belt, giving the dress a royal look. My hair was held back with a beaded, golden headband that matched the tassels perfectly and my feet wore golden heels that were raised a good 5 inches off the ground. I let out a sigh of pure excitement and twirled around in the mirror, causing the dress to flow around me in a perfect circle. “Oh! Gosh, Summer!” Sierra exclaimed and I turned to face her. “What’s wrong? Does it look bad?” I asked and I bit my lip in disappointment. “You look absolutely gorgeous! Even more pretty than I imagined. Kyle’s going to love it,” she said letting out a giggle as I pulled her into a hug. “I feel like I’m standing next to a goddess in the flesh,” she replied and I shook my head as giggles escaped out of my mouth. “Okay I don’t look that good!” She stopped laughing and gave me a look that said, ‘I mean business. “I’m serious Summer, you look beautiful.” I blushed bright red and gave her grateful another hug. “Well, I wouldn’t look anything like this if it wasn’t for you.” She gave me a smile and said, “Oh you know you would’ve.” A knock on the door interrupted our disagreement. I shot her a nervous look, my stomach already beginning to churn with nervousness. “Go,” she whispered giving me a reassuring pat on the back. I walked over slowly and opened the door. A man dressed in a black suit stood in front of me, a Bluetooth attached to his ear, and a serious look set into his lips. “Mr. Landon is here to pick you up,” the man said in a bored tone. “Look like my ride’s here,” I called back to Sierra as I shot a smile at the man in the suit. “I’m ready.” "Not without your earrings you’re not!” Sierra called after me, hurriedly running up to me and poking the earrings into place. “Now you’re ready,” she replied then, after giving me a look from head to toe, gave me a hard hug. “Have fun Summer, you deserve a good time.” I gave a smile, and patted her arm, “I will.” “Ready to go now?” the man asked and I gave him a nod. He motioned for me to walk in front, so I picked up my pace and tried to contain my excitement. “So, who are you?” I asked hoping I didn’t sound rude. “I am Robert Kawlzeski, the Landon’s family chauffer.” I gave him an understanding nod and went over the facts silently in my head. So they’re rich enough to have their own chauffer? I hadn’t realized Kyle’s family was wealthy. As we walked down the hard, stone steps, several people turned to look at us. I even let out a giggle as I saw many of the males mouth’s drop in shock. I caught Zane’s eyes and gave him a giddy wink. He gave me smile back, but it wasn’t one that reached his eyes, or showed off his pearly whites; just a smile that seemed more of a reassurance than anything. I kept my head straight forwards after that, looking only at Robert once in awhile, making sure he was still there. Once we made it outside, he motioned for me to follow him down and outside the gates, using a key from his pocket to unlock the schools gates. We rounded the corner and I let out a gasp of shock. A limo?! I thought gleefully as I stared at the long car. It was polished to shine beautifully when the light hit it, and was colored in traditional black. I turned to Robert and saw him pull a flower out of his inside jacket pocket. “For you, from young Mr. Landon,” he replied and handed me the flower. Zantedeschia, I thought with a sigh as carefully placed the flower into my hair. Robert opened the door wide enough for me to get in and I gave him a smile. “Thank you,” I said meekly as I climbed into the limo. The corners of his lips turned up in amusement, as he gave me a nod and shut the door behind me. Once inside, I turned and saw Kyle sitting next to me, looking lovely as ever in his tuxedo. His normally messy hair was slicked back tonight, showcasing his best feature, his bright green eyes. “Oh Summer, wow!” he exclaimed letting his mouth fall open in amazement. “Yes?” I asked giving him a wink and turning more so that I could look directly at him. “I don’t think there are words to describe how beautifully gorgeous you look tonight.” He replied and I gave him a peck on the lips. “You’re such a charmer!” I said giving him a big smile and lightly reaching up to touch my fingertips to the flower in my hair. “No, I’m a realist,” he insisted giving me cheeks a kiss and holding my hand in his. “Have I told you I love?” I asked and he smiled. “Why, not today, you haven’t,” he replied and I felt my smile widen. “Well, Kyle,” I began giving him a mock serious look, “I love you. I love you with all my heart, all my soul, and my entire being.” He put a fake look of shock on his face then took his hands and placed them on both sides of my face. “I love you, also Summer. Though I’m sure it’s no surprise, I love you with my entire being, I love you for all the love the world has to offer, and if it came down to it, I’d love you even after death.” He leaned over and gave my lips a quick kiss and I smiled under his kiss. I wish life could just stay like this, so happy and perfect, I thought silently, but deep inside, I knew that the happiness wouldn’t last, it never does. Chapter 37 After driving for about 10 minutes, the limo came to a halt. Through the dark tinted windows, I spotted a small country side shack. Well that’s nice and homey, I thought to myself as I admired how strongly it resembled my old house. Robert opened the door for Kyle and he stepped out quickly. Walking around the side of the limo, Kyle pulled open the door for me and offered his hand. I took it graciously and he helped me out of the limo. “We’re here,” he announced giving me a cute smile. I smiled back and started heading over to the shack when Kyle caught my wrist. “Summer, wrong way, that’s our shed,” he said and I blushed out of embarrassment. His shed’s my house, I thought as my cheeks turned even pinker. Kyle gave my hand a squeeze and pulled me past the shed, in the direction of his house. When we came around the corner of shrubs Kyle came to a stop. We stood in front of a house so big that I’d only seen pictures of houses like it. It had large stone pillars that framed the staircase leading up to a large wooden door. It had only a couple of windows, all of them on the first floor. The bricks sparkled in the sun and the fountain in the front of the house gleamed as the light reflected off of it. “It’s lovely,” I whispered as Kyle pulled me forward towards the steps. “I’m glad you like it,” he replied, digging in his pocket for the key. Once he found it, he pulled it out and gave me a smile. “I’m so glad you agreed to come meet them. They’re so excited,” he said and I gave his upper arm a squeeze. “They aren’t the only ones excited.” Kyle gave my lips a quick kiss then he unlocked the door and held it open. I quickly entered and marveled at the beauty of his home. The walls were covered in paintings and statues stood in all the corners. The furniture looked antique and expensive. On the far left, near the wall, a large, polished-looking spiral staircase stood. Kyle placed his hands on my shoulders and I felt him lean in and move his mouth close to my earlobe. “My Parents are upstairs. I’ll go find them, you stay down here and make yourself at home,” he replied and cast me a smile before he disappeared up the stairs. I walked around the main floor, my heels making loud clacks every time I took a step. In the corner of what looked to be a living room sat picture frames on an expensive looking side table. I approached it slowly, careful not to let my heels scuff the polished wooden floor. Once I reached it I picked up the first frame and examined it. The photo showed a younger version of Kyle fidgeting with a tiny bowtie that sat on his neck. His two front teeth were missing in his white smile and his beautiful green eyes were looking wide, and curious at the camera. I let a giggle escape my lips. A handsome boy turned into an even handsomer man. I looked over at the other photos. They held other memories of Kyle, some of him fishing, some of him just smiling, and others with him and his friends. But none of them gave me any hints as to what to expect for his family. I looked over the rest of the counter. It held ancient looking books, a few potted plants, and a small chest. A questioning look crossed over my face and I took a step closer to the counter, examining the chest. “It can’t be,” I whispered to myself as I reached forward and picked it up. It was small, and light, the outside of it was decorated in ancient looking carvings. Its designs on the side were unique, ones that I’d only seen once before in my life…In my dreams. I was instantly pulled into a flash back, sent spiraling back in time, the setting around me set in the 1800’s. Alonzo stood next to me and begged me to understand. “I only wanted to show you something!’ he’d insisted, giving me a hesitant smile and motioning to the corner of the empty room. There, in the corner, was a small tiny chest. He motioned me forward insisting that I must see what was inside, but I yelled at him and ran away, leaving him alone and heartbroken…Leaving the chest behind too. I gasped as I was pulled back, out of my flash back, and into reality. I stared open mouthed at the tiny chest that I was absolutely sure was the same one from my dream. Something’s very wrong here, I stated silently as I continued to gawk at the tiny box in my hand. I took a deep breath, should I open it? I looked around the corner and saw that no one was coming. Yes, I decided, Alonzo would want me to. I held my breath as I slowly opened the small box. Once it was open I took a look inside of it, finding only one item, and it was wrapped in a silk covering case. I took a deep inhale of oxygen and pulled the silk covering off. There, lying in my hand was the most beautiful necklace I’d ever seen. It was an emerald jade color, sparkling gorgeously as the sunlight bounced off of it. Diamonds surrounded the large center stone and the golden chain was sparkling brilliantly as if someone had recently polished it. I marveled at its beauty, wondering what a masterpiece like it would look on my own neck. I peaked around the corner, making sure Kyle wasn’t coming, and slipped the necklace up over my up-do and onto my neck. I walked over and looked at myself through the reflection of a nearby window. The necklace fit my neck perfectly, falling just right on my pale, light skin. The jade stone brought out the green in my ever changing eyes and the diamonds matched my earrings perfectly. It’s so gorgeous! I exclaimed silently as I reached up to fix the falling flower in my hair. My hand zipped up to my head, so fast it was a blur. I froze, staring at my reflection, open-mouthed and puzzled. I straitened the flower then brought my hand back to my side, again, my hand moving inhumanly fast. I stared into the window, my large blue green eyes widened as I tried to come up with a rational explanation. Walking back over to the counter, my feet too went faster than possible. It’s the necklace! I exclaimed as my eyes landed on the empty chest. I looked down at my neck, the large pendant shinning innocently up at me. I sighed and began to pull the necklace over my head when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. “Summer?” Kyle’s voice called from close by. Hurriedly, I slammed the tiny chest back shut as quietly as I could manage in my hurry and pulled the necklace up and over my head, dropping it into my hand bag. I’ll put it back later, there’s no time now. I thought to myself then mentally kicked myself, well I suppose if I had my inhuman speed, there’d be enough time. “Summer, Where are you?” Kyle’s voice asked again, this time sounding closer than the last time. “Oh I’m in here Kyle!” I called walking forward, trying to put as much distance between myself and the chest as possible. “Oh there you are!” Kyle exclaimed as he entered the doorway with a smile on his face. “Well, Summer, I’d like you to meet my parents.” Chapter 38 I gave Kyle an encouraging smile as his mother stepped through the doorway behind him. “Summer, this is my mother, Milenka.” I gave his mother a smile as I registered the resemblance of Kyle and his mother. Milenka was a short woman, about 5’1”, with a bright smile and perfect nose. Her chocolate hair was a shade lighter than Kyle’s but her exciting green eyes matched his perfectly. She was dressed in a dress that hung down and stopped at her ankles, and wore an apron around her slim waist. “It’s nice to finally meet you Summer, Kyle’s told us tons about you” she said, speaking with the same soft accent that Kyle has. I still don’t know where he’s from, I added silently as I again, tried to guess where their accent originated from. Milenka held out a small and I shook and replied, “It’s nice to meet you too, and only good I hope.” Kyle gave me a smile, “Of course, sweetheart.” I flushed bright red and looked down at my feet. Milenka let out a loud laugh that sounded like wind chimes blowing through the air. “Oh dear, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We’re a traditional Russian family, we like all those pet names,” she said with a wink. I laughed with her and silently thanked her, Russia, so that’s where they’re from! “Now where did Viktor go off too?” Sylvia said in her thick Russian accent as she looked around the room. “Viktor?” she called and then gave Kyle a pat on the shoulder. “You go and find him,” she said and he gave her a nod and went off to find his father. “Those boys I tell you, always going off someplace,” she said and I let out a giggle. “My mother says the same thing,” I said and laughter escaped Milenka’s cherry colored lips. “Well I suppose great minds do think alike,” she said as she brushed her chocolate hair out of her face. “You look lovely dear,” she said and I gave her a grateful smile. “Thanks, you look pretty too,” I said and she waved her hand at me. “You’re too kind my dear.” “Ah there you are!” I heard Kyle exclaim from down the hall. “Come on father, Summer’s here to meet you.” Milenka shook her head with a smile, “Viktor dear, we’re in here.” Kyle reentered the room and shot me a smile. “Sorry for the wait, my father was just on the phone,” he explained and I shot him a smile back. “Oh, it’s fine. I had fun talking with your mother,” I said and she smiled at me and gave my arm a squeeze. ”Call me Lenka, dear,” she insisted and I gave her a nod. “Ah, there you are,” Lenka called over her shoulder as footsteps approached us. “Sorry that took so long, Ramón had a business update for me.” “It’s fine, dad,” Kyle replied and he gave me a smile. “Summer, this is my father, Viktor.” Viktor stepped through the doorway and I gasped out loud. There, standing before me, was the very man who haunted my dreams, the same child who I’d laughed with in the field, the same man who was to blame for the permanent scar that lie across my chest. “No! No, this can’t be happening! This isn’t happening!” I exclaimed, stepping backwards quickly. “Oh, Summer, let us not be rash,” Viktor said shaking is finger at me like a scolding parent. “No!” I screamed at him then I turned and looked at Kyle. “Did you know?!” I screamed at him then catching his guilty expression I let out a laugh thought I didn’t find the situation funny at all. “Of course you did! You were the bait!” I screamed and I let out another laugh, on the verge of hysterics. “Now, darling,” Viktor said stepping closer to me. “I won’t have to hurt you if you cooperate.” I shook my head in disgust and spit in his face. “I would never cooperate with you,” I hissed. “How dare you!” He screamed reaching his hands towards me. I pushed his hands away and kicked him in the knees, sending him falling to the ground. Milenka looked at her fallen husband then raised her eyes back to me, her eyes smoldering with hate. She jumped towards me but I dodged sideways before she could reach me. Her tiny body hit the wall with force, and she lay crumpled in a heap on the floor. “Mom!” Kyle cried and rushed to her side. As he was distracted, I took off running to the nearest exit. I reached my destination quickly and flung the door open. Once it was open I raced through the open doorway and out into what looked like a garden. My mind raced back to when Kyle and I were talking about flowers. “Where did you get them?” I asked knowing almost all store refuse to sell them. “The lilacs are from my mother’s garden.” I looked around myself and thought silently, that’s where I’m at, his mother’s garden. I kept up an even jog as I looked for a way to exit the garden. It was gorgeous, with flowers of all colors covering the floor. Tall trees started to go around the flowers as I ran farther out into the garden. As I ran I tripped and fell over roots growing out of the ground. The pretty flowers seemed to wrap around my feet and kept making me slip and fall. Stray tree branches cut my face and arms and the hot sun made beads of sweat start to form on my forehead. After I was a fine distance away I stopped running to take a break. My feet were cut and bleeding from running in my heels, I hadn’t had time to take them off in my haste, both of my ankles were swollen and one sprained from all of the tripping and falling. At some point, my hair fell out of its up-do style and was flowing down my back and shoulders. My golden headband had also slipped down and was now sitting firmly in the middle of my forehead. There were cuts present all over my arms and my lungs and throat ached for water. I wanted more than anything to sit down and rest, but I knew I had to stay on my guard and remained standing. I poked my head around a nearby tree and searched for any signs of followers, there were none. I sighed heavily out of relief and slowly began to turn around. As I turned around as figure jump out of the wooded area behind me and clamped a hand down over my mouth. I screamed and bit down and their grip lessened a bit, but by then, they already had me pinned down to the forest floor. “Don’t struggle Summer, I don’t want to hurt you,” Kyle whispered and I bit down even harder into his hand. “Damn it!” He swore as he released his hold on my head. I thrashed about wildly, trying to throw him off balance so I could escape, but my efforts were for nothing, he sat as sturdy as a rock as dug in his pants pocket for something. “So you never really loved me, did you?” I spat at him, trying to stall myself some time. “Of course I loved you Summer. But you have to learn, you can’t sacrifice everything for love!” he yelled back and pulled his hand out of his pocket, a syringe in hand. “Is that p-p-poison?” I asked timidly as he sized the needle up in front of himself. “No, it’s Kentamine,” he replied I looked up at him nervously. “What’s that?” I asked as he leaned closer to me. “A knockout drug,” he replied then stuck the sharp needle into my thing. I yelled out in pain as I tried to push myself away from him. I tried to shove him backwards off of me but I found it impossible to even lift my arms. “P-please Kyle, d-don’t do this,” I cried through my tears as he pulled the syringe out of my leg and put it back into his pocket. “I’ve already done it Summer, it’s all over now,” he said to me, stroking my hair as if this thought should comfort me. “Don’t touch me,” I slurred drowsily as the anesthetics started to kick into overdrive. “But you love me?” Kyle said his lips curling into a smile that I had once considered cute, now it just looked cruel and evil. I let the tears slide down my face as he leaned towards me. “D-don’t-” Kyle cut me off by kissing my lips gently. Our kiss tasted salty, from the tears running down my face and I lay motionless underneath him, unable to move my limbs as I faded in and out of consciousness. “That could be our last kiss,” he whispered to me as my eye lids started to flutter. “I love you Summer,” he whispered into my ear, “I’ll miss you.” “I’ll miss your golden, beautiful hair, and your eyes that always change color. I’ll miss your childish laugh and your soft lips…” He went on talking, but I was already fading, as my eye lids slipped shut, I drew a quaky breath then my world went black and everything slipped away. Chapter 39 When I awoke I was lying face down on a hard surface. My vision was fuzzy and my limbs felt strangely numb. I sat up slowly, trying to remember what had happened and where I was. As I sat up, I felt something cold brush against my wrist. I lowered my eyes, my vision finally returning to normal, and saw that it was my handbag. All at once, the memories of my horrid night came rushing back to me. I shuddered as I reached down and snatched my bag up. I unclipped the top of it and pulled the jade necklace out, admiring its beauty once again before slipping it on over my head. As soon as the cold necklace touched my skin I became instantly more focused and I took a better look at my surroundings. From what I could tell, I was in some kind of basement. It was smaller than most basements, and its only source of light was from a small window at the very top of the wall. I need to get out of here, I thought desperately as I continued to stare at the window longingly. It was far too high for me to reach; even if I could reach it I don’t have the upper body strength to pull myself up and out. I added bitterly as pushed my headband farther back on my forehead. A soft rattling above me made my thoughts freeze in place and I looked up. The rattling started up again and I looked about franticly, searching for where the noise was coming from. It’s them, I thought with disgust, it’s Viktor; he’s coming to kill me. The small window at the top of the wall began to shake and I looked up at it, confused. Well, apparently he likes dramatic entrances. I turned around and glanced at the heavily locked wooden door behind me. Why didn’t he just use the door? I thought curiously. The window finally gave way and popped off, causing me to dive to my right to avoid being hit by it. “Ouch,” I gasped as I looked down at my bloody, cut feet. I unhooked the clasp on my heels and took them off to relieve my aching feet. If I’m going to die, I’m going to make it as comfortable as possible. Then the realization hit me, I’m going to die. He is going to kill me. I’ll never say goodbye to my mom, or my dad. No goodbyes to Sierra or Stephanie. No goodbye to Zane. I let of a sob and shook my head back and forth. Why couldn’t I have chosen you? You’re the one I actually love! “You’re the one I love…” I whispered as I wiped the tears away from my face, I didn’t want Viktor to see that he’d made me cry, it’d cause him too much pleasure. Suddenly, feet began to descend from the window, then a whole body. Dropping to the ground, they picked their head up and glanced over at me, his familiar bright eyes sparkling with sorrow. “Oh Zane,” I whispered but I stayed where I was, not daring to ruin this wonderful hallucination. “Summer, come over here,” he whispered gently as he walked towards me, “we’re here now. Everything’s okay now.” I gave him a huge smile and as he bent down next to me I whispered, “If I have to die, I’m glad that you’re here, I love you.” He gave me a confused look then, picking me up into his arms, he just smiled and said, “It isn’t your time to die Summer… I love you too.” “Stop talking and hurry the hell up!” A voice whispered down to us in a demanding tone. I looked up at Zane, “Is that…Stephanie?” I asked and he gave me nod. “Alright Steph, I’m going to hand her up to you now,” he whispered as two perfectly manicured hands reached in from the small window. “She won’t be able to hold my weight,” I whispered and Zane let out a chuckle. “She’ll manage,” he whispered and I looked questioningly up at him. He didn’t explain just gave my forehead a soft kiss then wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m going to hoist you up, then Steph will grab your arms and pull you up and out. Okay?” I smiled and gave him a nod as he prepared himself. “Ready?” he whispered in my ear and I smile up at him. “Yes,” I replied, my voice soft and meek. “Steph, you ready?” he whispered up to her and I heard her let out an impatient sigh. “I’ve been ready for the past 2 hours, and if you call me ‘Steph’ one more time, I’m coming through this window and-” “Okay let’s go,” Zane said cutting her off mid threat. He tightened his grip around my waist and after bending down he reached up with all his might, then he threw me. My few seconds of being airborne were enough to make my stomach turn upside and start to panic, but soon after he let go, Stephanie grabbed on. Her long nails dug into my upper arms as she hoisted me up and out of the basement as if I weighed nothing more than one of her shopping bags, setting me down gently into a patch of flowers. “Um, thanks,” I whispered and she shot me a sarcastic smile. “Please! I deserve more than, ‘Uh, thanks’,” she finished imitating my voice in a low, manly tone. I rolled my eyes at her then remembered just who else had been down in that basement with me. “How will Zane get out?” I asked and no sooner did the words leave my mouth did I see two hands grip the windowsill and Zane pulled himself up and through the small window, his muscular build just barely fitting through. “Get up!” Stephanie whisper-yelled at both of us. “We have to get out of here or we will all die!” Zane and I exchanged glances then everyone sprang into action. Zane ran over and helped me up, “Do you need to be carried?” he asked and I shook my head. “No I can walk,” I insisted and Stephanie turned around and addressed Zane. “Carry her,” then turning towards me she added, “Sorry, but it’s not walking that I’m worried about and I’m not risking my life just so you can show some independence.” Zane scooped me up into his strong arms, and then took off running after Stephanie. After about 5 minutes of running the trees began to clear and we found ourselves in a field. “Over here,” Stephanie called from our left. We looked over and saw she was hunched down and pointing to something hidden behind vines and shrubs. “There’s a break in the fence! All we have to do is crawl through!” She said with excitement and Zane quickly ran over and crouched down next to her. “Can you crawl?” he asked me as he gently set me down onto the soft grass to give his arms a rest. “Yeah, I can manage,” I said and Stephanie turned around to face us. “I’ll go first, don’t crawl until I reach my hand under again, we have to be sure you won’t get caught,” she said then pointed her polished finger at Zane. “You, take up the end, we have to have her surrounded,” she said and he gave her an understanding nod. Stephanie took a deep breath then got down on all fours and pushed herself through the brush and under the tiny opening at the bottom of the fence. Zane and I waited patiently, holding our breath, as every second ticked by that her hand didn’t pop back through. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few minutes, her small hand shot under the fence and gave us a thumb up. “Coast’s clear,” she whispered and a smile lit up my relieved face. I inhaled deeply then pressed my stomach to the soft ground and pulled myself through the rough brush. The branches and shrubbery caught my hair and branches cut my face but I continued to crawl until I reached to gap in the white wooden fence. I pushed myself lower to the ground and pulled myself under it, my slim build making it out easily. I sighed out of relief as my feat cleared the fence and I was sitting next to Stephanie. There was a rustling behind the fences and then Zane’s head appeared through the fence. “What are you waiting for?” Stephanie asked and he looked up her with confused eyes. “You don’t honestly think I’m fitting through that tiny space, do you?” he asked and she let out a giggle. “Well stop working out then! That solves our problem,” she said sarcasticly as she broke off pieces of the fence to widen the space for him. Once it was big enough, he sighed and pulled himself through cleanly. “Let’s go!” Stephanie said grabbing Zane’s arm and giving me an agitated look. We began to run and soon after I was tripping and falling, tears running down my face from the pain of running on my swollen feet. Keep going! I told myself as I got up and spit dirt out of my mouth, running to catch up with them only to fall again. Zane slowed down and bent over by my side. “Are you okay?” he asked in a concerned voice. I gave him a weak nod and tried to smile but he shook his head and used his finger to wipe away some of the tears streaming down my face. “Hurry up!” Stephanie called behind herself as she sped forward, racing to get to the car. “Kay!” Zane called after her as he picked me up, yet again, into his warm, muscular arms. “Thanks,” I whispered into his ear and he gave me a tiny smile as he took off running towards the vehicle. Stephanie reached it first and yanked the driver’s seat door open, hoping in and pulling it forward. She sped over to where we were stopped and Zane opened the door and set me down in the back. Then, he opened the shotgun door and as soon as he shut it behind himself, we were off. Chapter 40 Stephanie floored it, breaking the speed limit twice over. The streets weren’t busy, lucky for us, so we didn’t have any trouble with traffic. “Where are we going?” I asked finally as Stephanie took another corner on two wheels. “Back to school, you can pack some stuff and then we’re off.” “Off? Off to where?” I asked looking back and forth between her and Zane. “We’ll explain later, for now, all you need to know is that you’re not safe here anymore,” Zane replied and I turned away from him with a sigh. I’m so tired of everyone keeping secrets! I thought to myself as I absentmindedly played with the pendant hanging from my neck. We pulled into the school parking lot and we jumped out. “Where’d you get the car from?” I asked Stephanie as she put her key into the door and locked it. “I said I’ll explain later Summer,” she said as she dropped the key back into her purse she gave me an impatient eye roll. Footsteps nearby caused us all to whip our heads around. Lance jogged over to us with a huge smile on his face. “I’m glad you’re safe, I‘ve got the passports all ready. They’re in my bag,” he said as he pulled Stephanie into a loving embrace. She blushed at my raised eyebrows as Lance planted a kiss on her lips. She kissed him back lightly then put on her hard exterior again. “Alright let’s get moving guys! Summer, I’ll come up with you to help you pack. Lance, you and Zane need to scout out the area and make sure no one dangerous is lurking. Understood?” she asked and we all nodded in agreement. “Can you walk?” she asked me as the boys took off to patrol the school grounds. “Yeah, my feet are feeling a little better.” That was a lie, they weren’t feeling better, they were numb from pain, but that was beside the point. I could walk, even though it was painful, and that was what I was going to do. We jogged slowly up the steps and when we reached my room my feet seemed to cry out with relief. I whipped my room key out and flung open the door. I heard Stephanie gasp behind me as we surveyed my room. The cabinets lay on the floor, their drawers scattered around the room, clothing items and bed sheets cluttered our surrondings, and Sierra lay unmoving on the floor. “Oh my god!” I exclaimed as I bent down next to her and prayed she was still breathing.“Is she still alive?” I asked Stephanie as she bent down next to me. She held her polished finger steady under Sierra’s nose and nodded her head. “She’s still breathing,” she confirmed then, just to be sure, she picked up her wrist. “She has a pulse too; she’s most likely just knocked out.” I let out a sigh of relief and pulled Sierra’s limp body onto my lap. Stephanie grabbed my bag off of my bunk and began to shove clothes into it furiously. “Wait what are you doing? We can’t leave anymore!” I yelled at her but she continued to shove clothes into it, pausing only for a few seconds to give me a bored look. “And why is that?” she asked as she went to our bathroom and began shoving toiletries in. “We can’t leave her like this! I can’t leave her like this!” Stephanie paused and let out a laugh, as if I’d just said something humorous. “Of course we can’t!” she yelled back at me, as is there was something blatantly obvious that I was missing. “Then…Wait, we’re taking her with us, aren’t we?” I asked and Stephanie stopped her packing to come over and crouch down next to me. “We have to-” “What if she doesn’t want to come?” I asked, cradling my roommates head in my arms. “Don’t cut me off, you know I hate it,” she said as she got up and brushed herself off. “She can either come with us and live, or stay here and die. Which do you think she’d prefer?” she asked sarcastically and I gave her a look of shock. “You’d kill her?” Stephanie turned to me with an amused expression on her face. “Wow, I don’t know what they drugged you with, but whatever it was, it must kill brain cells because you’re acting even more stupid than usual.” The corners of my lips turned down, “That’s not funny.” She sighed, “Whatever and no it’s not me we have to worry about. Since she’s close to you, the Tanghar would kill her. In fact, I bet they thought she was dead tonight, and were just too stupid to check her pulse.” A knock on the door interrupted our conversation. Stephanie’s blonde hair whipped around her face as she turned her head quickly towards the sound. “Hello?” she called tentatively and I felt myself squeeze Sierras cold hand out of nervousness. “You guys ready to go? The coast’s clear,” Lance’s voice called through the wood as Stephanie let out a sigh of relief and opened the door. “Whoa what happened in here?” Lance asked as his eyes scanned my mess of a room. “Nothing, take these down from me,” Stephanie said pushing two large bags into Lance’s arms, “thanks,” she added, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Lance smiled back and hurried out of the room with our luggage as I widened my eyes at her. “So Lance knows too?” I asked and she blushed pink in her cheeks. “He’s not really supposed to know, but I knew how much he could help me," she caught herself, "I mean us, out with the tech stuff,” she said and I gave her an encouraging smile. “It’s fine, it’ll be good to have more than one normal person with us,” I said, looking down at Sierra’s pale face. “We should probably head down,” Stephanie said as she stared at me with an odd expression. “Oh okay, yea-What?” I asked as I caught sight of her questioning look. “That necklace,” She began. “Oh isn’t it pretty? Do you like it?” I asked as I shifted uncomfortably under her hard scrutiny. “Where did you get it?” she asked as she reached out her small hand to touch the emerald stone. “Why, have you seen it before?” I asked and her ocean blue eyes flicked up to mine. “It’s called, The eye of the McKons,” she said and realization hit me hard. “McKons… Wasn’t she the princess that Zane wanted to guard?” I asked and Stephanie let out a chuckle. “I’m not sure but if I had to take a guess I’d say yes, almost every young boy wants to grow up to be the princess’s guardian. None of them actually do, though,” she said and I looked up at her with question. “Why is it called, ‘The eye’? Isn’t that kind of a creepy name?” I asked and she shook her head, making her blond hair spin around her face. “Not if you’ve seen the McKons it isn’t. They have the most unique, beautiful emerald eyes. That stone on your neck is said to be the only thing that can replicate their beauty.” “Oh,” I replied and Stephanie gave me a thoughtful nod. “Alright, that’s enough history for one day. Let’s go,” she said as she hoisted Sierra up into her small arms. “Okay, how do you do that?” I asked and she let out a sarcastic snort. “You don’t actually think they’d give me the title of ‘guardian’ without training, do you?” I let out a giggle, “I guess I just couldn’t believe you would sit through a conditioning session, yet alone hardcore training.” Stephanie shot me a look from over Sierra’s limp body, “Just because I look weak doesn’t mean I can’t kick your butt on the spot, watch it Charard.” I let giggles escape my lips as we crept down the halls and finally reached the door. “Can you get that?” she asked and I gave her nod and walked over to the door, placing my hand on the hard wood, but not pushing. “Stephanie?” I asked and she raised her eyebrows question at me. “Yes, Summer?” I smiled, “You were wrong. You have Lance and Kyle…And you have me.” For a second she let a smile slip uninvited onto her lips but then she turned it into a fake scowl, “Would you just open the door?” I gave her a smile and pushed the door open wide. Then after walking the doorway, she turned to me and smiled, “Thanks.” And for the first time in my life, I saw Stephanie truly happy, as a smile lit up her face and her ocean eyes sparkled. She handed Sierra over to Zane and she ran over and threw her arms around Lance’s neck, planting a passionate kiss on his lips. Zane raised his eyebrows in question at me and I just shook my head, “She’s just happy,” I replied and I knew that I was telling the truth. Chapter 41 After a few minutes of embracing, Stephanie broke away from Lance and said, “We need to get going, the jet’s waiting for us.” Everyone nodded in agreement as we piled into the car. “So where did you get this?” I asked as I motioned around us at the car’s interior. “It was a gift,” Stephanie replied as she began to back out into the road. “Who bought you a car?” I asked and she let out a chuckle. “I didn’t say they bought me a car, I said it was a gift. It’s Kyle’s gift, from his father. What a shame he’ll never get to use it,” she replied and my jaw dropped. “You stole Kyle’s car?” “You act like that’s such a big deal,” she said, flipping her blonde hair behind her, “he tried to kill you. Grand Auto Theft is a lot less time then murder… I think, anyways it doesn’t matter because we aren’t getting caught, Lance made sure of it.” I shot an exasperated glance at Lance but he just shrugged his shoulders and said, “What can I say, she’s very convincing and I was the only one who knew how to hot wire someone’s car.” “Told you he’s our tech guy,” Stephanie said proudly as she sped down the road. “W-what’s going on?” Sierra’s tired voice sounded from the back of the vehicle. “W-wait, where am I? What’s going on?!” she asked her voice becoming more panicked with every second. “Tell her,” Stephanie said and I took a deep calming breath. “Sierra, there’s something I need to tell you…” After I finished telling my story to Sierra she sat unmoving and speechless. “So, those men who came in-” “Were from the Tanghar,” Stephanie finished for her. Sierra nodded her head, and then turned to look at me. “I wish you would’ve told me earlier, but I can’t say I’m surprised.” “What?” I asked, how can she not be surprised by this, I’m even surprised by this! Sierra gave me a smile, “I knew there was something different about you since that very first time you had one of your dreams, you seemed more…Focused after that, like you had more important things than the normal high school student.” She let a sigh escape her lips, “So where are we headed now?” “I’m not sure,” I said as I cast a glare in Stephanie’s direction, “We’re not allowed to know yet.” “Oh shut-up back there!” Stephanie called as she turned a corner swiftly, “we’re headed to the airport.” “Oh,” Sierra mumbled as she played with the bracelet on her wrist. “Wait, what about school?” she asked and Zane turned around to face us. “It’s already taken care of; Ms. Kelly was informed that we’ve all transferred.” I took a calming breath and looked at his bright blue eyes, “what about our parents?” I asked and his smile disappeared. “ That I haven’t taken care of. We’ll need some sort of excuse-” “You mean lie?” Sierra asked and Zane nodded. “Yes, I guess I do mean lie, but it’s the only way to protect them.” “We’re here!” Stephanie called out as she pulled the vehicle to a halt. We filed out of the van and headed off to the airports boarding area when Lance called after us, “You’re going the wrong way! The private jet boarding is this way!” We turned to the opposite direction and began to file Lance over to a big Jet sitting alone on the runway. The steps to board were down and a woman was standing next to them. “Wait…Mom?” I called as I ran over and threw my arms around her. Her light blonde hair was pulled back into a high pony on the top of her head and her sea green eyes were bright and sparkling. “I’m so glad you’re okay darling!” she cried and I pulled away for a second. “Wait, call for an update…," I muttererd, as I remembered the diary entry from my dream, realization hit me. "Zane, were you giving my mother updates about me?”I asked and his face turned from confusion to shock. “I was giving updates to my supervisor, from my training facility; I had no idea that it was your mother.” I gasped and looked up into my mom’s sparkling eyes, “Mom, you knew?” She nodded her head solemnly, “Yes, and I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything dear, but a part of me hoped that the dreams would go away, that you could stay safe.” “Oh mom, I missed you!” I cried as I pulled her into an embrace again. “Oh, I missed you too honey. You look lovely,” she said and I looked down at myself and saw I was still wearing my white evening gown, but it was caked in mud, grass and blood. “Thanks,” I said then turning to Sierra I whispered, “sorry for ruining your dress.” “It looked lovely while it lasted,” Sierra said and I pulled her into my hug with my mother. Just then, then sky broke above us and it began to pour rain. “Just like in the movies,” Sierra shouted over the heavy rain and I smiled. “Only the corny ones!” Stephanie called back, but even she wore a smile on her perfectly glossed lips. “I love you guys!” I called to all of them as I spun around and pulled them all into a group hug. “You guys are wrinkling my sundress!” Stephanie protested but she didn’t pull away and Zane let out a laugh. “It’s pouring rain out and you just crawled through a garden, wrinkles are the least of your worries.” We all burst into happy laughter and joined our arms together as we walked towards the jet. “Here are the passports,” Lance said as he reached into his bag and hand one to each of us. I read the top of it that said, ONE WAY: VENICE then called out, “We’re going to Italy?!” Stephanie gave me a quick, excited nod and then added, “Aren’t you happy I had you wait now?” I let out a laugh and pulled them back into an embrace. “You know what?” I asked them and they looked up at me with questioning eyes. “If there’s anyone who I have to run for my life with, I’m glad it’s you guys.” Everyone laughed with me and gave my shoulders an extra squeeze of agreement. Life can be hard. I should know that better than anyone. Another quality of life is that it’s weird. It’s weird because you think you know what’s going to happen then there’s a twist and next thing you know you’re all turned around and life isn’t so good anymore. But the biggest quality about life is that everything happens for a reason. There must be a reason why one minute I am fine and the next minute I’m running for my life. There must be a reason why I met the people I did and why I’m boarding a one way flight to Italy. There must be a reason… and there probably is, but right now, I’m not wasting my time figuring it out. I gave my friends one last squeeze then picked up my luggage from the gravel and hurried after them. “Are you the Charard family?” A perky flight attendant asked and I looked around at my friends. “Yes, I’m Summer Charard and this is my family.” The flight attendant smiled and stepped back to allow us to board. “Welcome to your one way flight to Venice, Italy. If there’s anything I can get you during the flight, simply call. My name is Doreen and I’ll be your flight attendant today. Please feel free to sit wherever you want and fasten your seatbelts for takeoff. Enjoy your flight,” Doreen finished by flashing us a smile as a man took our luggage and moved into a back compartment of the plane. I let out a sigh as I plopped down into one of the comfy seats and fastened the seat belt around my slim waist. Zane took the seat next to me and my mom raised her eyebrows questioningly. “Looks like we have a lot to catch up on,” she said and I felt my cheeks blush bright red as Zane laughed with her. Stephanie took her seat gracefully and patted the seat next to, motioning for Lance to join her. His smile widened and he rushed over to join her, causing her to smile back happily. I looked over and saw Sierra and my mom already deep in conversation as the both wrapped the seat belts around their own waist’s. I sighed as I leaned over and put my head on Zane’s shoulder. “I missed you,” I said as I looked up into his bright blue eyes. “I missed you too,” he replied and bending down, he gave me a kiss. A kiss so sweet that it wiped away the events of the past weeks, it made me go back to the time when we’d fist kissed and I felt my lips smile under his. “Please prepare for takeoff,” Doreen’s voice called as Zane’s pulled away and smiled at me. Surrounded by my family and friends I felt the plane begin to lift in the air, leaving my old life behind, a life that I knew I was going to miss. But I was starting a new life, and somewhere deep inside me, I knew I was going to like this one a lot better. Book Available for purchase, at your local bookstore, or through me, the author. Hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you're interested in a hard-copy/paperback/ebook/autographed ect. Book 2, The Runaway, Coming Soon! Please Heart/Comment/Message with what you think of it! :) Text: No part of this book is to be copied or distributed in any manner. All rights reserved. Publication Date: January 5th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-sppellerd

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-daily-capper-daily-capper-january-2010/

Daily Capper Daily Capper January 2010 Happy New Years It's a new year and like the rest of the world who needs to make new years resolutions to get out more and enjoy life when you can just sit at home and cap 27/7! With so much going on in the capping world there needs to be someone there to report it which is where the Daily Capper comes in!We report on what's going on in the capping world and while we can't get to all of it but here's what you can expect in this issue! 2009 Capper Awards Results- Everyone voted and now see who the winners are! Interview with Cam Whore/Capper of the Year- The two biggest honors of the 2009 Capper Awards have been given and we have the interviews with the winners! Cam Whore of the Month- Threw out the magazine the top 5 Cam Whores for the month of January 2010 will be named Tinychat 404 Count- Just how many rooms has Tinychat 404'd this month?We have the numbers and the rooms so you can find out yourself! Center of Attention:Coke- This month we make Coke the Center of Attention and put him on the spotlight! Internet Hero- What would cause someone to become an Internet Hero and what exactly is one like?We attempt to figure that out! Legend of Verica- Who is this Verica person?Is it truly the most epic of epic of all time or is it just a made up character in the head of a sadistic viper? Highlight Reel- A short spotlight of some of this months events in the form of minni-games and quizzes! All this and much more! 2009 Capper Awards Results: Cam Whore of the Year: Caseyface Capper of the Year: Mike Hero of the Year: Matt Blackmailer of the Year: Taurenwolf Most Annoying 2009: Coke Faction of the Year: Cappers Clubhouse Tinychat Room of the Year: StickamGirlsInPrivate Cam Site of the Year: Stickam Public Site of the Year: AnonIB Shocker of the Year: Stickam Removes Private Worst Scum 2009: Heroes In total there was 3834 votes placed in the awards On average there was 300-400 votes each category Cam Whore of the Month Nominee #1 Charmander came in 4th place in the 2009 Cam Whore of the Year award and this month she looked to fight for her right to be #1 this year She has taken pride in her 4th place victory although others will argue she's a worthless peace of trash that needs to be taken out. Like a true hard working cam whore will do she has joined in many show-offs with other cumdumpsters from /b/ With everything she has done this month she deserves a second shot at getting #1 of something for once! Charmander January Pics Charmander makes signs for Chair and his room Charmander and Shroom January 11 Char/Dogs/Blarg w/ Sharpies January 6 Tinychat 404 This year tinychat has not stopped with the closing of capper and win rooms but just how many rooms have been 404'd in the month of January alone?We've been keeping count and while we don't know every single room that has been 404'd here are the statistics; January 1- 10 example:thisthread January 2- 4 example:graciegenocyde January 3- 8 example:cupcaketv2 January4- none (That we know of) January 5- 6 example:horny-teens January 6- 8 example:thisisit January 7- none January 8- none January 9- none January 10- 3 example:girlsgirls January 11- 4 example:titsorgtfo99 January 12- none January 13- 5 example:chubtime Tinychat 404 (Cont.) )Note:While tinychat may have not 404'd a whole room they still banned many users on cam) January 14- 3 example:bas January 15- none January 16- none January 17- none January 18- none January 19- none January 20- none January 21- none January 22- 4 example:moar January 23- 6 example: rightnow January 24- 6 example:rightnao January 25- 5 example: 2hjfe January 26- 3 example:returnofcsb January 27- 4 example: linkit January 28- 9 example:r1tenow Tinychat 404 (Cont.) January 29- 22 example:lilchappy1 January 30- 33 example:EVERYTHING Remember we have not been in every room this month on Tinychat but all together that makes over 100 rooms that have been 404'd in the month of January! And while they haven't 404'd every room imagine how many people have been cam banned this month! We asked Tinychat owner Dan about this and in responce from Tinychat: "We are actively disabling rooms that stream child pornography, lewd conduct, or otherwise lewd behavior. Thank you for reporting this to us." So the question is with the way things have been going the last couple days will February be even worse for the capping community? Highlight Reel January 1-7 Can you name any of these popular moments and put them in order??7 The Answers: Pic #1 - baileyhauck1 / January 1 The first stickam in 2010 featuring a 3 way couple getting down together for hours before getting b& Pic #2 - graciegenocyde / January 3 Two whales getting banned from Stickam then going to tinychat for hours before 404 Pic #3 - girlinhotel / January 2 Tinychat girl teasing for a room of 300,the room was never 404'd and she was never banned Pic #4 - kaymel / January 3 Two friends from Stickam moved to tinychat Pic #5 - BTV Junior Whore / January 5 An asian girl who has been blocked from BTV Junior a lot this month for teasing Pic #6 - meow_x / January 7 2 sisters from Stickam moved to tinychat Pic #7 - Blarg & OP / January 6 After getting banned from thisisit Blarg found a 4chan room and joined OP on cam Pic $8 - kingcourtdawg / January 3 Three girls from Stickam Cam Whore of the Month Nominee #2 Though she was not a nominee for the Cam Whore of 2009 she has been taking the year 2010 by storm!Apaearing in what seems to be every tinychat room! Always open to new challengers,Dogs has competed with the likes of EB,Blarg,Omni,Veritas,among many others. She may not be the smartest cracker...I mean cookie in the jar,but she has got the personality factor Her videos on CamWins and Motherless are a hit!Even her Xtube video which gained 13,000 views before deleted With all she's done this month she's arguably a candidate for Cam Whore of the Month Dog January Pics Almost caught by mom Dogs and Charmander <3 Dogs & Blarg Dogs/Omni/Veritas Sponsors This issue is sponsored in part by: CamWins.com "Because there's no win, like Cam Wins" Become a member today! Internet Heroes We've all know about these internet super heroes but just what is it that makes an internet hero? We asked the three biggest heroes of 2009 to explain their motivations,however only one of them wrote back We asked the 3rd Place Hero of the Year yourbeingrecorded a few questions to better understand the situation,here is the interview: Q:First and most important,when and how did you decide you wanted to be a hero? To make a long story short,I realized at a point that there was so much that other people could be doing to "hero" and help spread the right message that wasn't being done.Not to many people knew what it would take to get threw to someone other then spamming "YOUR BEING RECORDED" So I came up with other ideas to try and help others understand and work to prevent some of the things from happening and it's been a duty ever since. Q.What exactly do you get from heroing and why do it? Well it just started to become more of a responsibility after a while.There's really no one else that knows so much about this type of stuff that's trying to educate people about it,it's like a psychology thing and I want the right people to know.I've done a lot of testing and thinking of ways to educate people more people about it and found a lot of girls will be relieved or thankful if handled the right way. Q.It seems as though you take the job almost too seriously,what do you really have to prove? The problem I think is that there aren't enough people taking it seriously and that's why i made the guide for heroing so maybe the right person can find it and use it when needed.I'm pretty much just trying to prove how big of a problem it is and get others to wise up to it. Q.Do you hero because you hate girls in general? LOL it has nothing to do with that.In fact more then anything it has more to do with I do like them and personally I hate when they get taken advantage of.I know a lot of girls do show because they want to not because they're being brainwashed but there's a lot that are gonna be devastated if they do show and get recorded so I'm trying to prevent that.Will every single girl I tell listen?No,I know that but the ones that do will be very grateful. Q.What is the whole point your youtube videos and what other videos are you planning? The point is to pretty much reveal everything about capping and show people the way things work for the ignorant people who think it's some kind of joke.I have a lot of videos ready that I just need to edit and decide what order it'll be in but I'm working on more relevant videos such as how you can tell fakes on stickam and maybe even personal video messages directed at specific girls Q.You obviously put a lot of thought into heroing,where do you get all these ideas from? Myself?It doesn't take much thinking it just comes to me a lot of the time in different situations I think "Ok this won't work,what will?"Then I come up ideas and characters for it. Q.We all know you use a lot of different tactics for heroing,how many tactics do you really have? Pretty much something for every situation and a lot of strategy behind them.I think of something new everyday but don't really try much of it unless a situation comes up but I balance it out.I know when something works or not. Q.How do you really feel about cappers? They're ignorant,what they don't seem to understand is it's not a game.I don't expect them to learn though.They'll always be to pathetic to realize they're giving up on life. Q.What is your feeling on girls who show? Depends.Either the girl needs to know the risks or she needs to be banned.A part of me thinks girls like Flipsie should be put on spotlight for what they are,just in a clean way that shows the person she is. Q.Lastly,What do you have to say to other heroes out there? Um...Keep up the good work?!If your doing it right then your doing a great service trust me. Highlight Reel January 8-14 Capper Quiz! 1.Which of these popular Cappers was capped and posted on AnonIB? A. Chucky B. Coke C. rorA 2.Which pair of cum dumpsters had a double bate on tinychat? A. Tewi & EB B. Omni & Panzemaus C. Reisen & Anon 3.Which of these tinychat rooms featured the performance of a Stickam whore,Charmander,and EB? A.Shroombabyxd B.Chubtime C.3boredgurls 4.Which of these tinychat girls have not made out on cam? A. awesomegirls11 B. BRAINFREEZE C. 3boredgirls Answers: B. - Coke was capped as a loop and that loop was posted on AnonIB as a .rar C. - Reisin & Anon in a passworded tinychat room A. - It was in Shroombabyxd room created by a Stickam girl herself C. - 3boredgirls were the only of the 3 choices that didn't make out How many people have been able to go one day of their life in the last 6 months without hearing of the legendary Verica?Not many!But just who is she? The man who has been stalking her for years explains to us that she is the sister of his girlfriend (don't say you've never had thoughts about your girlfriends sister) who was blackmailed and posted online. For months Viper has been on the hunt for the caps but has only been teased and taunted to the point where he has turned to heroing and annoying everyone. The desperate Viper is now offering a $100 paypal reward to the first person who can deliver her collection.Can anyone find the missing Verica and win the $100 reward? Cam Whore of the Month Nominee #3 Another cam whore who has been taken to high levels by other cappers and cam whores She has competed against fellow cam whores and femanons from all over and has overcome blackmail Using her signature "Blarg Roll" she has rolled all over over tinychat and made a long lasting impact Though she continues to be hoarded without purpose,Blarg has earned a shot to be the Cam Whore of the Month Blarg January Pics Dogs and Blarg on Tinychat Blarg and Op on Tinychat Charmander,Dogs,and Blarg on Tinychat Interview with the Capper of the Year Q.So what are your thoughts on being the 2009 Capper of the Year? Sweet i guess. Didnt really know i won until now. Q.A lot of people have said you don't cap,just archive videos posted on anonib and reup them.So do you ever cap yourself and if so how much of what you post is your own? I do a little of both. I came across AnonIB and a few sites like it about a year ago and i liked it but got tired of the continious begging for reups. I was a big fan of rschan before it went down and i liked the idea of backing everything up and i thought there needed to be an alternative to _stick so i created _stickbackup and the response was good so i continued with it. But before that someone floated an idea of backing everything up in torents and i liked the idea so i started the T series torrents. People seemed to like those as well so i- -kept em coming. Eventually _stickbackup got shut down tho and i still haven't had word as to why but oh well Chair agreed to merge _stick with _stickbackup so i have a little work ahead of me but i think i can return _stick to _stickbackup's glory. As for OC, most of it winds up in the torrents because im honestly just too lazy to up everything to sharing sites. I upped a few to camwins.com to try and get that site going tho. Q.Indeed,you contribute tremendously to the anonib board which is why your an admin of the site correct?By the way when did you first become an anonib admin and how did it happen? Well i am not admin. I'm a global mod. After I started _stickbackup people started flooding to my board and it was working out well. Then AnonIB went down for those couple weeks and i tried to continue it on imageboards4free but that site is shit, i could post granny porn there and people would report it as cp. So i was about ready to give up with it but AnonIB came back and me and K got to work bringing SBU back. I dropped my email in there for reports and eventually chair and Rob got ahold of me. Chair was wondering if I could help mod _stick and Rob was giving me a hand setting up SBU. One day i just asked if he needed another global and i was set up within the next hour. Q.So as a global mod on anonib,what is it like moderating such a huge board and what are some of your responsibilities? Just watch for illegal posts such as cp or for spam. I also get alot of emails from people or copyright holders that want their images taken down. Q.Which of the current boards on anonib do you spend the most time on and how do you spend that time? Probably stick or tnr. And probably the same way every other anon spends time on AnonIB. Looking for new content. Q.Well a lot of mods on the board get accused of hoarding or deleting posts not because of the violation of TOS but to keep others from getting it,what is your answer to this and have you ever done this yourself? I know i've never done that and i highly doubt K or chair have but i guess anything is possible. You also have to remember tho if someone contacts us with proof and they want their images removed we have to act. Q.There are also rumors swirling around that the anonib mods have their own private boards,do you a response to this? If there is one send me the URL. I've never seen one. Q.Speaking of mods,which anonib mod would you say you have have the best relationship with and why? Well K started modding SBU with me not long after it was created, but probably K or chair as i talk with both of them fairly often. Q.Apart from moderating anonib,what other related work do you spend time on? (such as browsing stickam) Actually not much at the moment, I've slowed down with pretty much all internet activity for the time being because im just too fucking busy.So if you don't see any posts from me for days at a time that is why. Q.Last question,do you have any predictions for this year on what your future might hold? In all honesty im hoping stickam admin are gonna give their heads a shake and bring back private rooms but besides that... I guess i've been hoping for a caseyface/paige dyke out or double bate for a while now. One day the dream might come true. We can only hope that dream will soon become a reality!Anyway we'd like to that the 2009 Capper of the Year for his time As for Caseyface we attempted an interview over last weekend and we have the response later! Highlight Reel January 15-21 Word Scramble! weti Hint.French blonde 4chan chick rocky ben xxdexx Hint: (January 21) Emo Stickam girls who's name is also a band isnt in rik Hint: Tinychat regular who's not as popular as other cam whores ban sexx in tuctio Hunt: Blogtv girl who was brought to tears after being recorded hachac Hint: (January 17) Two girls from tinychat that lasted hours before being banned get a nurf xl Hint: Appears wherever Coke is and goes on cam after a tinychat ban warn wub Hint: Stickam cam whore who has been trying to fit in with femanons Answers: Word Scramble! Tewi xxbrokencydexx Kritinn BosnianCutiexx ChaCha Laurenxfgt awwburn Can you make your own word scrambles?! Cam Whore of the Month Nominee #4 This month EB has showed the world she's more then just another pretty face! EB and Jewchan in a chan room EB & Charmander The Center of Attention: w/t Coke Name: Brandon Alias: Coke Age: 19 Ethnicity: White/Caucasian Hometown: The Internet Occupation: Elite Capper Hobbies: Trolling / Capping Accomplishments: CCH member / Most Annoying 2009 Love Interest: Laurenxfgt Enemies: White Knights / Klanackle Allies: Chair # of Wins: over 9000 # of Failis: under 10,000 Addictions: Hardcore Child Porn Allergies: Heroes Fears: getting v& / Failing Now you know Coke. Highlight Reel January 22-31 Who am I? A:I'm the new 4hds mod.I'm known to hoard.I almost retired this month. Who am I? B:I always do show for you guys.I'm very popular.My mom walked in on me while I was showing. Who am I? C.I love to annoy people.No one likes my name.I've been using a loop of TaylorLOLZ. Who am I? D.I own the rightnow rooms.I'm known to hoard.I love Coke. Who am I? E.I'm a huge troll.I've hacked several stickam accounts to play loops this month.I love golf. Who am I? F.I'm a hero.I haven't been as successful as I was last year.I hate sluts. Who am I? Answers: A: rorA B.Dogs C: IRecordgirlsFlashing D: Chair E: Coke F: Matt/hatt This month has been filled with numerous ups and downs and rises and falls!Though we haven't mentioned everything this month we can only look into the future as we count down the months for the 2010 Capper Awards! Cam Whore of the Year interview: We tried to contact the 2009 Cam Whore of the Year for a short interview for our magazine and this is the response! From: iknowthissong Sent: Jan. 31, 2010 @ 12:33AM Subject: RE: Interview yes, it would be an honor :) an honOr with an O :) i believe you misspelled it. We sent in some questions but never got a response,then we found out it would be a pointless interview as she has her own site where you can ask her your own questions! http://www.formspring.me/caseyface Have a Happy Valentines Day! Because no one likes to be alone on Valentines Day! Get out and find that special someone and get laid already! Publication Date: February 5th 2010 https://www.bookrix.com/-thedailycapper

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-william-shakespeare-othello/

William Shakespeare Othello The Moor of Venice PERSONS REPRESENTED: DUKE OF VENICE. BRABANTIO, a Senator. Other Senators. GRATIANO, Brother to Brabantio. LODOVICO, Kinsman to Brabantio. OTHELLO, a noble Moor, in the service of Venice. CASSIO, his Lieutenant. IAGO, his Ancient. RODERIGO, a Venetian Gentleman. MONTANO, Othello's predecessor in the government of Cyprus. CLOWN, Servant to Othello. Herald. DESDEMONA, Daughter to Brabantio and Wife to Othello. EMILIA, Wife to Iago. BIANCA, Mistress to Cassio. Officers, Gentlemen, Messenger, Musicians, Herald, Sailor, Attendants, &c. SCENE: The First Act in Venice; during the rest of the Play at a Seaport in Cyprus. ACT I. SCENE I. Venice. A street. [Enter Roderigo and Iago.] RODERIGO. Tush, never tell me; I take it much unkindly That thou, Iago, who hast had my purse As if the strings were thine, shouldst know of this, - IAGO. 'Sblood, but you will not hear me: - If ever I did dream of such a matter, Abhor me. RODERIGO. Thou told'st me thou didst hold him in thy hate. IAGO. Despise me, if I do not. Three great ones of the city, In personal suit to make me his lieutenant, Off-capp'd to him: - and, by the faith of man, I know my price, I am worth no worse a place: - But he, as loving his own pride and purposes, Evades them, with a bumbast circumstance Horribly stuff'd with epithets of war: And, in conclusion, nonsuits My mediators: for, "Certes," says he, "I have already chose my officer." And what was he? Forsooth, a great arithmetician, One Michael Cassio, a Florentine, A fellow almost damn'd in a fair wife; That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows More than a spinster; unless the bookish theoric, Wherein the toged consuls can propose As masterly as he: mere prattle, without practice, Is all his soldiership. But he, sir, had the election: And I, - of whom his eyes had seen the proof At Rhodes, at Cyprus, and on other grounds, Christian and heathen, - must be belee'd and calm'd By debitor and creditor, this counter-caster; He, in good time, must his lieutenant be, And I - God bless the mark! his Moorship's ancient. RODERIGO. By heaven, I rather would have been his hangman. IAGO. Why, there's no remedy; 'tis the curse of service, Preferment goes by letter and affection, And not by old gradation, where each second Stood heir to the first. Now, sir, be judge yourself Whether I in any just term am affin'd To love the Moor. RODERIGO. I would not follow him, then. IAGO. O, sir, content you; I follow him to serve my turn upon him: We cannot all be masters, nor all masters Cannot be truly follow'd. You shall mark Many a duteous and knee-crooking knave That, doting on his own obsequious bondage, Wears out his time, much like his master's ass, For nought but provender; and when he's old, cashier'd: Whip me such honest knaves. Others there are Who, trimm'd in forms and visages of duty, Keep yet their hearts attending on themselves; And, throwing but shows of service on their lords, Do well thrive by them, and when they have lin'd their coats, Do themselves homage: these fellows have some soul; And such a one do I profess myself. For, sir, It is as sure as you are Roderigo, Were I the Moor, I would not be Iago: In following him, I follow but myself; Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty, But seeming so for my peculiar end: For when my outward action doth demonstrate The native act and figure of my heart In complement extern, 'tis not long after But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve For daws to peck at: I am not what I am. RODERIGO. What a full fortune does the thick lips owe, If he can carry't thus! IAGO. Call up her father, Rouse him: - make after him, poison his delight, Proclaim him in the streets; incense her kinsmen, And, though he in a fertile climate dwell, Plague him with flies: though that his joy be joy, Yet throw such changes of vexation on't As it may lose some color. RODERIGO. Here is her father's house: I'll call aloud. IAGO. Do; with like timorous accent and dire yell As when, by night and negligence, the fire Is spied in populous cities. RODERIGO. What, ho, Brabantio! Signior Brabantio, ho! IAGO. Awake! what, ho, Brabantio! thieves! thieves! thieves! Look to your house, your daughter, and your bags! Thieves! thieves! [Brabantio appears above at a window.] BRABANTIO. What is the reason of this terrible summons? What is the matter there? RODERIGO. Signior, is all your family within? IAGO. Are your doors locked? BRABANTIO. Why, wherefore ask you this? IAGO. Zounds, sir, you're robb'd; for shame, put on your gown; Your heart is burst, you have lost half your soul; Even now, now, very now, an old black ram Is tupping your white ewe. Arise, arise; Awake the snorting citizens with the bell, Or else the devil will make a grandsire of you: Arise, I say. BRABANTIO. What, have you lost your wits? RODERIGO. Most reverend signior, do you know my voice? BRABANTIO. Not I; what are you? RODERIGO. My name is Roderigo. BRABANTIO. The worser welcome: I have charged thee not to haunt about my doors; In honest plainness thou hast heard me say My daughter is not for thee; and now, in madness, Being full of supper and distempering draughts, Upon malicious bravery dost thou come To start my quiet. RODERIGO. Sir, sir, sir, - BRABANTIO. But thou must needs be sure My spirit and my place have in them power To make this bitter to thee. RODERIGO. Patience, good sir. BRABANTIO. What tell'st thou me of robbing? this is Venice; My house is not a grange. RODERIGO. Most grave Brabantio, In simple and pure soul I come to you. IAGO. Zounds, sir, you are one of those that will not serve God if the devil bid you. Because we come to do you service, and you think we are ruffians, you'll have your daughter covered with a Barbary horse; you'll have your nephews neigh to you; you'll have coursers for cousins and gennets for germans. BRABANTIO. What profane wretch art thou? IAGO. I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs. BRABANTIO. Thou art a villain. IAGO. You are - a senator. BRABANTIO. This thou shalt answer; I know thee, Roderigo. RODERIGO. Sir, I will answer anything. But, I beseech you, If't be your pleasure and most wise consent, - As partly I find it is, - that your fair daughter, At this odd-even and dull watch o' the night, Transported with no worse nor better guard But with a knave of common hire, a gondolier, To the gross clasps of a lascivious Moor, - If this be known to you, and your allowance, We then have done you bold and saucy wrongs; But if you know not this, my manners tell me We have your wrong rebuke. Do not believe That, from the sense of all civility, I thus would play and trifle with your reverence: Your daughter, - if you have not given her leave, - I say again, hath made a gross revolt; Tying her duty, beauty, wit, and fortunes In an extravagant and wheeling stranger Of here and everywhere. Straight satisfy yourself: If she be in her chamber or your house Let loose on me the justice of the state For thus deluding you. BRABANTIO. Strike on the tinder, ho! Give me a taper! - Call up all my people! - This accident is not unlike my dream: Belief of it oppresses me already. - Light, I say! light! [Exit from above.] IAGO. Farewell; for I must leave you: It seems not meet nor wholesome to my place To be produc'd, - as if I stay I shall, - Against the Moor: for I do know the state, - However this may gall him with some check, - Cannot with safety cast him; for he's embark'd With such loud reason to the Cyprus wars, - Which even now stand in act, - that, for their souls, Another of his fathom they have none To lead their business: in which regard, Though I do hate him as I do hell pains, Yet, for necessity of present life, I must show out a flag and sign of love, Which is indeed but sign. That you shall surely find him, Lead to the Sagittary the raised search; And there will I be with him. So, farewell. [Exit.] [Enter, below, Brabantio, and Servants with torches.] BRABANTIO. It is too true an evil: gone she is; And what's to come of my despised time Is naught but bitterness. - Now, Roderigo, Where didst thou see her? - O unhappy girl! - With the Moor, say'st thou? - Who would be a father! How didst thou know 'twas she? - O, she deceives me Past thought. - What said she to you? - Get more tapers; Raise all my kindred. - Are they married, think you? RODERIGO. Truly, I think they are. BRABANTIO. O heaven! - How got she out? - O treason of the blood! - Fathers, from hence trust not your daughters' minds By what you see them act. - Are there not charms By which the property of youth and maidhood May be abused? Have you not read, Roderigo, Of some such thing? RODERIGO. Yes, sir, I have indeed. BRABANTIO. Call up my brother. - O, would you had had her! - Some one way, some another. - Do you know Where we may apprehend her and the Moor? RODERIGO. I think I can discover him, if you please To get good guard, and go along with me. BRABANTIO. Pray you, lead on. At every house I'll call; I may command at most. - Get weapons, ho! And raise some special officers of night. - On, good Roderigo: - I'll deserve your pains. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Venice. Another street. [Enter Othello, Iago, and Attendants with torches.] IAGO. Though in the trade of war I have slain men, Yet do I hold it very stuff o' the conscience To do no contriv'd murder: I lack iniquity Sometimes to do me service: nine or ten times I had thought to have yerk'd him here under the ribs. OTHELLO. 'Tis better as it is. IAGO. Nay, but he prated, And spoke such scurvy and provoking terms Against your honor, That, with the little godliness I have, I did full hard forbear him. But, I pray you, sir, Are you fast married? Be assured of this, That the magnifico is much beloved; And hath, in his effect, a voice potential As double as the duke's: he will divorce you; Or put upon you what restraint and grievance The law, - with all his might to enforce it on, - Will give him cable. OTHELLO. Let him do his spite: My services which I have done the signiory Shall out-tongue his complaints. 'Tis yet to know, - Which, when I know that boasting is an honor, I shall promulgate, - I fetch my life and being From men of royal siege; and my demerits May speak unbonneted to as proud a fortune As this that I have reach'd: for know, Iago, But that I love the gentle Desdemona, I would not my unhoused free condition Put into circumscription and confine For the sea's worth. But, look! what lights come yond? IAGO. Those are the raised father and his friends: You were best go in. OTHELLO. Not I; I must be found; My parts, my title, and my perfect soul Shall manifest me rightly. Is it they? IAGO. By Janus, I think no. [Enter Cassio and certain Officers with torches.] OTHELLO. The servants of the duke and my lieutenant. - The goodness of the night upon you, friends! What is the news? CASSIO. The duke does greet you, general; And he requires your haste-post-haste appearance Even on the instant. OTHELLO. What is the matter, think you? CASSIO. Something from Cyprus, as I may divine: It is a business of some heat: the galleys Have sent a dozen sequent messengers This very night at one another's heels; And many of the consuls, rais'd and met, Are at the duke's already: you have been hotly call'd for; When, being not at your lodging to be found, The senate hath sent about three several quests To search you out. OTHELLO. 'Tis well I am found by you. I will but spend a word here in the house, And go with you. [Exit.] CASSIO. Ancient, what makes he here? IAGO. Faith, he to-night hath boarded a land carack: If it prove lawful prize, he's made forever. CASSIO. I do not understand. IAGO. He's married. CASSIO. To who? [Re-enter Othello.] IAGO. Marry, to - Come, captain, will you go? OTHELLO. Have with you. CASSIO. Here comes another troop to seek for you. IAGO. It is Brabantio. - General, be advis'd; He comes to bad intent. [Enter Brabantio, Roderigo, and Officers with torches and weapons.] OTHELLO. Holla! stand there! RODERIGO. Signior, it is the Moor. BRABANTIO. Down with him, thief! [They draw on both sides.] IAGO. You, Roderigo! come, sir, I am for you. OTHELLO. Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them. - Good signior, you shall more command with years Than with your weapons. BRABANTIO. O thou foul thief, where hast thou stow'd my daughter? Damn'd as thou art, thou hast enchanted her; For I'll refer me to all things of sense, If she in chains of magic were not bound, Whether a maid so tender, fair, and happy, So opposite to marriage that she shunn'd The wealthy curled darlings of our nation, Would ever have, to incur a general mock, Run from her guardage to the sooty bosom Of such a thing as thou, - to fear, not to delight. Judge me the world, if 'tis not gross in sense That thou hast practis'd on her with foul charms; Abus'd her delicate youth with drugs or minerals That weaken motion: - I'll have't disputed on; 'Tis probable, and palpable to thinking. I therefore apprehend and do attach thee For an abuser of the world, a practiser Of arts inhibited and out of warrant. - Lay hold upon him: if he do resist, Subdue him at his peril. OTHELLO. Hold your hands, Both you of my inclining and the rest: Were it my cue to fight, I should have known it Without a prompter. - Where will you that I go To answer this your charge? BRABANTIO. To prison; till fit time Of law and course of direct session Call thee to answer. OTHELLO. What if I do obey? How may the duke be therewith satisfied, Whose messengers are here about my side, Upon some present business of the state, To bring me to him? FIRST OFFICER. 'Tis true, most worthy signior; The duke's in council, and your noble self, I am sure, is sent for. BRABANTIO. How! the duke in council! In this time of the night! - Bring him away: Mine's not an idle cause: the duke himself, Or any of my brothers of the state, Cannot but feel this wrong as 'twere their own; For if such actions may have passage free, Bond slaves and pagans shall our statesmen be. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Venice. A council chamber. [The Duke and Senators sitting at a table; Officers attending.] DUKE. There is no composition in these news That gives them credit. FIRST SENATOR. Indeed, they are disproportion'd; My letters say a hundred and seven galleys. DUKE. And mine a hundred and forty. SECOND SENATOR. And mine two hundred: But though they jump not on a just account, - As in these cases, where the aim reports, 'Tis oft with difference, - yet do they all confirm A Turkish fleet, and bearing up to Cyprus. DUKE. Nay, it is possible enough to judgement: I do not so secure me in the error, But the main article I do approve In fearful sense. SAILOR. [Within.] What, ho! what, ho! what, ho! FIRST OFFICER. A messenger from the galleys. [Enter a Sailor.] DUKE. Now, - what's the business? SAILOR. The Turkish preparation makes for Rhodes; So was I bid report here to the state By Signior Angelo. DUKE. How say you by this change? FIRST SENATOR. This cannot be, By no assay of reason: 'tis a pageant To keep us in false gaze. When we consider The importancy of Cyprus to the Turk; And let ourselves again but understand That, as it more concerns the Turk than Rhodes, So may he with more facile question bear it, For that it stands not in such warlike brace, But altogether lacks the abilities That Rhodes is dress'd in. If we make thought of this, We must not think the Turk is so unskilful To leave that latest which concerns him first; Neglecting an attempt of ease and gain, To wake and wage a danger profitless. DUKE. Nay, in all confidence, he's not for Rhodes. FIRST OFFICER. Here is more news. [Enter a Messenger.] MESSENGER. The Ottomites, reverend and gracious, Steering with due course toward the isle of Rhodes, Have there injointed them with an after fleet. FIRST SENATOR. Ay, so I thought. - How many, as you guess? MESSENGER. Of thirty sail: and now they do re-stem Their backward course, bearing with frank appearance Their purposes toward Cyprus. - Signior Montano, Your trusty and most valiant servitor, With his free duty recommends you thus, And prays you to believe him. DUKE. 'Tis certain, then, for Cyprus. - Marcus Luccicos, is not he in town? FIRST SENATOR. He's now in Florence. DUKE. Write from us to him; post-post-haste despatch. FIRST SENATOR. Here comes Brabantio and the valiant Moor. [Enter Brabantio, Othello, Iago, Roderigo, and Officers.] DUKE. Valiant Othello, we must straight employ you Against the general enemy Ottoman. - [To Brabantio.] I did not see you; welcome, gentle signior; We lack'd your counsel and your help to-night. BRABANTIO. So did I yours. Good your grace, pardon me; Neither my place, nor aught I heard of business Hath rais'd me from my bed; nor doth the general care Take hold on me; for my particular grief Is of so flood-gate and o'erbearing nature That it engluts and swallows other sorrows, And it is still itself. DUKE. Why, what's the matter? BRABANTIO. My daughter! O, my daughter! DUKE and SENATORS. Dead? BRABANTIO. Ay, to me; She is abused, stol'n from me, and corrupted By spells and medicines bought of mountebanks; For nature so preposterously to err, Being not deficient, blind, or lame of sense, Sans witchcraft could not. DUKE. Whoe'er he be that, in this foul proceeding, Hath thus beguiled your daughter of herself, And you of her, the bloody book of law You shall yourself read in the bitter letter After your own sense; yea, though our proper son Stood in your action. BRABANTIO. Humbly I thank your grace. Here is the man, this Moor; whom now, it seems, Your special mandate for the state affairs Hath hither brought. DUKE and SENATORS. We are very sorry for't. DUKE. [To Othello.] What, in your own part, can you say to this? BRABANTIO. Nothing, but this is so. OTHELLO. Most potent, grave, and reverend signiors, My very noble and approv'd good masters, - That I have ta'en away this old man's daughter, It is most true; true, I have married her: The very head and front of my offending Hath this extent, no more. Rude am I in my speech, And little bless'd with the soft phrase of peace; For since these arms of mine had seven years' pith, Till now some nine moons wasted, they have us'd Their dearest action in the tented field; And little of this great world can I speak, More than pertains to feats of broil and battle; And therefore little shall I grace my cause In speaking for myself. Yet, by your gracious patience, I will a round unvarnish'd tale deliver Of my whole course of love: what drugs, what charms, What conjuration, and what mighty magic, - For such proceeding I am charged withal, - I won his daughter. BRABANTIO. A maiden never bold: Of spirit so still and quiet that her motion Blush'd at herself; and she, - in spite of nature, Of years, of country, credit, everything, - To fall in love with what she fear'd to look on! It is judgement maim'd and most imperfect That will confess perfection so could err Against all rules of nature; and must be driven To find out practices of cunning hell, Why this should be. I therefore vouch again, That with some mixtures powerful o'er the blood, Or with some dram conjur'd to this effect, He wrought upon her. DUKE. To vouch this is no proof; Without more wider and more overt test Than these thin habits and poor likelihoods Of modern seeming do prefer against him. FIRST SENATOR. But, Othello, speak: Did you by indirect and forced courses Subdue and poison this young maid's affections? Or came it by request, and such fair question As soul to soul affordeth? OTHELLO. I do beseech you, Send for the lady to the Sagittary, And let her speak of me before her father. If you do find me foul in her report, The trust, the office I do hold of you, Not only take away, but let your sentence Even fall upon my life. DUKE. Fetch Desdemona hither. OTHELLO. Ancient, conduct them; you best know the place. - [Exeunt Iago and Attendants.] And, till she come, as truly as to heaven I do confess the vices of my blood, So justly to your grave ears I'll present How I did thrive in this fair lady's love, And she in mine. DUKE. Say it, Othello. OTHELLO. Her father lov'd me; oft invited me; Still question'd me the story of my life, From year to year, - the battles, sieges, fortunes, That I have pass'd. I ran it through, even from my boyish days To the very moment that he bade me tell it: Wherein I spake of most disastrous chances, Of moving accidents by flood and field; Of hair-breadth scapes i' the imminent deadly breach; Of being taken by the insolent foe, And sold to slavery; of my redemption thence, And portance in my travels' history: Wherein of antres vast and deserts idle, Rough quarries, rocks, and hills whose heads touch heaven, It was my hint to speak, - such was the process; And of the Cannibals that each other eat, The Anthropophagi, and men whose heads Do grow beneath their shoulders. This to hear Would Desdemona seriously incline: But still the house affairs would draw her thence; Which ever as she could with haste despatch, She'd come again, and with a greedy ear Devour up my discourse; which I observing, Took once a pliant hour; and found good means To draw from her a prayer of earnest heart That I would all my pilgrimage dilate, Whereof by parcels she had something heard, But not intentively; I did consent; And often did beguile her of her tears, When I did speak of some distressful stroke That my youth suffer'd. My story being done, She gave me for my pains a world of sighs: She swore, - in faith, 'twas strange, 'twas passing strange; 'Twas pitiful, 'twas wondrous pitiful: She wish'd she had not heard it, yet she wish'd That heaven had made her such a man: she thank'd me; And bade me, if I had a friend that lov'd her, I should but teach him how to tell my story, And that would woo her. Upon this hint I spake: She lov'd me for the dangers I had pass'd; And I lov'd her that she did pity them. This only is the witchcraft I have us'd: - Here comes the lady; let her witness it. [Enter Desdemona, Iago, and Attendants.] DUKE. I think this tale would win my daughter too. - Good Brabantio, Take up this mangled matter at the best. Men do their broken weapons rather use Than their bare hands. BRABANTIO. I pray you, hear her speak: If she confess that she was half the wooer, Destruction on my head, if my bad blame Light on the man! - Come hither, gentle mistress: Do you perceive in all this noble company Where most you owe obedience? DESDEMONA. My noble father, I do perceive here a divided duty: To you I am bound for life and education; My life and education both do learn me How to respect you; you are the lord of duty, - I am hitherto your daughter: but here's my husband; And so much duty as my mother show'd To you, preferring you before her father, So much I challenge that I may profess Due to the Moor, my lord. BRABANTIO. God be with you! - I have done. - Please it your grace, on to the state affairs: I had rather to adopt a child than get it. - Come hither, Moor: I here do give thee that with all my heart Which, but thou hast already, with all my heart I would keep from thee. - For your sake, jewel, I am glad at soul I have no other child; For thy escape would teach me tyranny, To hang clogs on them. - I have done, my lord. DUKE. Let me speak like yourself; and lay a sentence Which, as a grise or step, may help these lovers Into your favour. When remedies are past, the griefs are ended By seeing the worst, which late on hopes depended. To mourn a mischief that is past and gone Is the next way to draw new mischief on. What cannot be preserved when fortune takes, Patience her injury a mockery makes. The robb'd that smiles steals something from the thief; He robs himself that spends a bootless grief. BRABANTIO. So let the Turk of Cyprus us beguile; We lose it not so long as we can smile; He bears the sentence well, that nothing bears But the free comfort which from thence he hears; But he bears both the sentence and the sorrow That, to pay grief, must of poor patience borrow. These sentences, to sugar or to gall, Being strong on both sides, are equivocal: But words are words; I never yet did hear That the bruis'd heart was pierced through the ear. - I humbly beseech you, proceed to the affairs of state. DUKE. The Turk with a most mighty preparation makes for Cyprus. - Othello, the fortitude of the place is best known to you; and though we have there a substitute of most allowed sufficiency, yet opinion, a sovereign mistress of effects, throws a more safer voice on you: you must therefore be content to slubber the gloss of your new fortunes with this more stubborn and boisterous expedition. OTHELLO. The tyrant custom, most grave senators, Hath made the flinty and steel couch of war My thrice-driven bed of down: I do agnize A natural and prompt alacrity I find in hardness; and do undertake These present wars against the Ottomites. Most humbly, therefore, bending to your state, I crave fit disposition for my wife; Due reference of place and exhibition; With such accommodation and besort As levels with her breeding. DUKE. If you please, Be't at her father's. BRABANTIO. I'll not have it so. OTHELLO. Nor I. DESDEMONA. Nor I. I would not there reside, To put my father in impatient thoughts, By being in his eye. Most gracious duke, To my unfolding lend your prosperous ear; And let me find a charter in your voice To assist my simpleness. DUKE. What would you, Desdemona? DESDEMONA. That I did love the Moor to live with him, My downright violence and storm of fortunes May trumpet to the world: my heart's subdu'd Even to the very quality of my lord: I saw Othello's visage in his mind; And to his honors and his valiant parts Did I my soul and fortunes consecrate. So that, dear lords, if I be left behind, A moth of peace, and he go to the war, The rites for which I love him are bereft me, And I a heavy interim shall support By his dear absence. Let me go with him. OTHELLO. Let her have your voices. Vouch with me, heaven, I therefore beg it not To please the palate of my appetite; Nor to comply with heat, - the young affects In me defunct, - and proper satisfaction; But to be free and bounteous to her mind: And heaven defend your good souls, that you think I will your serious and great business scant For she is with me: no, when light-wing'd toys Of feather'd Cupid seel with wanton dullness My speculative and offic'd instruments, That my disports corrupt and taint my business, Let housewives make a skillet of my helm, And all indign and base adversities Make head against my estimation! DUKE. Be it as you shall privately determine, Either for her stay or going: the affair cries haste, And speed must answer it. FIRST SENATOR. You must away to-night. OTHELLO. With all my heart. DUKE. At nine i' the morning here we'll meet again. - Othello, leave some officer behind, And he shall our commission bring to you; With such things else of quality and respect As doth import you. OTHELLO. So please your grace, my ancient, - A man he is of honesty and trust, - To his conveyance I assign my wife, With what else needful your good grace shall think To be sent after me. DUKE. Let it be so. - Good night to everyone. - [To Brabantio.] And, noble signior, If virtue no delighted beauty lack, Your son-in-law is far more fair than black. FIRST SENATOR. Adieu, brave Moor; use Desdemona well. BRABANTIO. Look to her, Moor, if thou hast eyes to see: She has deceiv'd her father, and may thee. [Exeunt Duke, Senators, Officers. &c.] OTHELLO. My life upon her faith! - Honest Iago, My Desdemona must I leave to thee: I pr'ythee, let thy wife attend on her; And bring them after in the best advantage. - Come, Desdemona, I have but an hour Of love, of worldly matters and direction, To spend with thee: we must obey the time. [Exeunt Othello and Desdemona.] RODERIGO. Iago, - IAGO. What say'st thou, noble heart? RODERIGO. What will I do, thinkest thou? IAGO. Why, go to bed and sleep. RODERIGO. I will incontinently drown myself. IAGO. If thou dost, I shall never love thee after. Why, thou silly gentleman! RODERIGO. It is silliness to live when to live is torment; and then have we a prescription to die when death is our physician. IAGO. O villainous! I have looked upon the world for four times seven years, and since I could distinguish betwixt a benefit and an injury, I never found man that knew how to love himself. Ere I would say I would drown myself for the love of a Guinea-hen, I would change my humanity with a baboon. RODERIGO. What should I do? I confess it is my shame to be so fond, but it is not in my virtue to amend it. IAGO. Virtue! a fig! 'Tis in ourselves that we are thus or thus. Our bodies are gardens, to the which our wills are gardeners; so that if we will plant nettles or sow lettuce, set hyssop and weed up thyme, supply it with one gender of herbs or distract it with many, either to have it sterile with idleness or manured with industry; why, the power and corrigible authority of this lies in our wills. If the balance of our lives had not one scale of reason to poise another of sensuality, the blood and baseness of our natures would conduct us to most preposterous conclusions: But we have reason to cool our raging motions, our carnal stings, our unbitted lusts; whereof I take this, that you call love, to be a sect or scion. RODERIGO. It cannot be. IAGO. It is merely a lust of the blood and a permission of the will. Come, be a man: drown thyself! drown cats and blind puppies. I have professed me thy friend, and I confess me knit to thy deserving with cables of perdurable toughness; I could never better stead thee than now. Put money in thy purse; follow thou the wars; defeat thy favour with an usurped beard; I say, put money in thy purse. It cannot be that Desdemona should long continue her love to the Moor, - put money in thy purse, - nor he his to her: it was a violent commencement, and thou shalt see an answerable sequestration; - put but money in thy purse. - These Moors are changeable in their wills: - fill thy purse with money: the food that to him now is as luscious as locusts shall be to him shortly as acerb as the coloquintida. She must change for youth: when she is sated with his body, she will find the error of her choice: she must have change, she must: therefore put money in thy purse. - If thou wilt needs damn thyself, do it a more delicate way than drowning. Make all the money thou canst; if sanctimony and a frail vow betwixt an erring barbarian and a supersubtle Venetian be not too hard for my wits and all the tribe of hell, thou shalt enjoy her; therefore make money. A pox of drowning thyself! it is clean out of the way: seek thou rather to be hanged in compassing thy joy than to be drowned and go without her. RODERIGO. Wilt thou be fast to my hopes, if I depend on the issue? IAGO. Thou art sure of me: - go, make money: - I have told thee often, and I re-tell thee again and again, I hate the Moor: my cause is hearted; thine hath no less reason. Let us be conjunctive in our revenge against him: if thou canst cuckold him, thou dost thyself a pleasure, me a sport. There are many events in the womb of time which will be delivered. Traverse; go; provide thy money. We will have more of this to-morrow. Adieu. RODERIGO. Where shall we meet i' the morning? IAGO. At my lodging. RODERIGO. I'll be with thee betimes. IAGO. Go to; farewell. Do you hear, Roderigo? RODERIGO. What say you? IAGO. No more of drowning, do you hear? RODERIGO. I am changed: I'll go sell all my land. [Exit.] IAGO. Thus do I ever make my fool my purse; For I mine own gain'd knowledge should profane If I would time expend with such a snipe But for my sport and profit. I hate the Moor; And it is thought abroad that 'twixt my sheets He has done my office: I know not if't be true; But I, for mere suspicion in that kind, Will do as if for surety. He holds me well, The better shall my purpose work on him. Cassio's a proper man: let me see now; To get his place, and to plume up my will In double knavery, - How, how? - Let's see: - After some time, to abuse Othello's ear That he is too familiar with his wife: - He hath a person, and a smooth dispose, To be suspected; fram'd to make women false. The Moor is of a free and open nature, That thinks men honest that but seem to be so; And will as tenderly be led by the nose As asses are. I have't; - it is engender'd: - hell and night Must bring this monstrous birth to the world's light. [Exit.] ACT II. SCENE I. A seaport in Cyprus. A Platform. [Enter Montano and two Gentlemen.] MONTANO. What from the cape can you discern at sea? FIRST GENTLEMAN. Nothing at all: it is a high-wrought flood; I cannot, 'twixt the heaven and the main, Descry a sail. MONTANO. Methinks the wind hath spoke aloud at land; A fuller blast ne'er shook our battlements: If it hath ruffian'd so upon the sea, What ribs of oak, when mountains melt on them, Can hold the mortise? What shall we hear of this? SECOND GENTLEMAN. A segregation of the Turkish fleet: For do but stand upon the foaming shore, The chidden billow seems to pelt the clouds; The wind-shak'd surge, with high and monstrous main, Seems to cast water on the burning Bear, And quench the guards of the ever-fixed pole; I never did like molestation view On the enchafed flood. MONTANO. If that the Turkish fleet Be not enshelter'd and embay'd, they are drown'd; It is impossible to bear it out. [Enter a third Gentleman.] THIRD GENTLEMAN. News, lads! our wars are done. The desperate tempest hath so bang'd the Turks That their designment halts; a noble ship of Venice Hath seen a grievous wreck and sufferance On most part of their fleet. MONTANO. How! is this true? THIRD GENTLEMAN. The ship is here put in, A Veronessa; Michael Cassio, Lieutenant to the warlike Moor Othello, Is come on shore: the Moor himself's at sea, And is in full commission here for Cyprus. MONTANO. I am glad on't; 'tis a worthy governor. THIRD GENTLEMAN. But this same Cassio, - though he speak of comfort Touching the Turkish loss, - yet he looks sadly, And prays the Moor be safe; for they were parted With foul and violent tempest. MONTANO. Pray heavens he be; For I have serv'd him, and the man commands Like a full soldier. Let's to the sea-side, ho! As well to see the vessel that's come in As to throw out our eyes for brave Othello, Even till we make the main and the aerial blue An indistinct regard. THIRD GENTLEMAN. Come, let's do so; For every minute is expectancy Of more arrivance. [Enter Cassio.] CASSIO. Thanks you, the valiant of this warlike isle, That so approve the Moor! O, let the heavens Give him defence against the elements, For I have lost him on a dangerous sea! MONTANO. Is he well shipp'd? CASSIO. His bark is stoutly timber'd, and his pilot Of very expert and approv'd allowance; Therefore my hopes, not surfeited to death, Stand in bold cure. [Within.] A sail, a sail, a sail! [Enter a fourth Gentleman.] CASSIO. What noise? FOURTH GENTLEMAN. The town is empty; on the brow o' the sea Stand ranks of people, and they cry, "A sail!" CASSIO. My hopes do shape him for the governor. [Guns within.] SECOND GENTLEMAN. They do discharge their shot of courtesy: Our friends at least. CASSIO. I pray you, sir, go forth, And give us truth who 'tis that is arriv'd. SECOND GENTLEMAN. I shall. [Exit.] MONTANO. But, good lieutenant, is your general wiv'd? CASSIO. Most fortunately: he hath achiev'd a maid That paragons description and wild fame, One that excels the quirks of blazoning pens, And in the essential vesture of creation Does tire the ingener. - [Re-enter second Gentleman.] How now! who has put in? SECOND GENTLEMAN. 'Tis one Iago, ancient to the general. CASSIO. He has had most favourable and happy speed: Tempests themselves, high seas, and howling winds, The gutter'd rocks, and congregated sands, - Traitors ensteep'd to clog the guiltless keel, - As having sense of beauty, do omit Their mortal natures, letting go safely by The divine Desdemona. MONTANO. What is she? CASSIO. She that I spake of, our great captain's captain, Left in the conduct of the bold Iago; Whose footing here anticipates our thoughts A se'nnight's speed. - Great Jove, Othello guard, And swell his sail with thine own powerful breath, That he may bless this bay with his tall ship, Make love's quick pants in Desdemona's arms, Give renew'd fire to our extincted spirits, And bring all Cyprus comfort! O, behold, [Enter Desdemona, Emilia, Iago, Roderigo, and Attendants.] The riches of the ship is come on shore! Ye men of Cyprus, let her have your knees. - Hall to thee, lady! and the grace of heaven, Before, behind thee, and on every hand, Enwheel thee round! DESDEMONA. I thank you, valiant Cassio. What tidings can you tell me of my lord? CASSIO. He is not yet arrived nor know I aught But that he's well, and will be shortly here. DESDEMONA. O, but I fear - How lost you company? CASSIO. The great contention of the sea and skies Parted our fellowship: - but, hark! a sail. [Within.] A sail, a sail! [Guns within.] SECOND GENTLEMAN. They give their greeting to the citadel: This likewise is a friend. CASSIO. See for the news. [Exit Gentleman.] Good ancient, you are welcome: - [To Emilia.] Welcome, mistress: - Let it not gall your patience, good Iago, That I extend my manners; 'tis my breeding That gives me this bold show of courtesy. [Kissing her.] IAGO. Sir, would she give you so much of her lips As of her tongue she oft bestows on me, You'd have enough. DESDEMONA. Alas, she has no speech. IAGO. In faith, too much; I find it still when I have list to sleep: Marry, before your ladyship, I grant, She puts her tongue a little in her heart, And chides with thinking. EMILIA. You have little cause to say so. IAGO. Come on, come on; you are pictures out of doors, Bells in your parlours, wild cats in your kitchens, Saints in your injuries, devils being offended, Players in your housewifery, and housewives in your beds. DESDEMONA. O, fie upon thee, slanderer! IAGO. Nay, it is true, or else I am a Turk: You rise to play, and go to bed to work. EMILIA. You shall not write my praise. IAGO. No, let me not. DESDEMONA. What wouldst thou write of me, if thou shouldst praise me? IAGO. O gentle lady, do not put me to't; For I am nothing if not critical. DESDEMONA. Come on, assay - There's one gone to the harbor? IAGO. Ay, madam. DESDEMONA. I am not merry; but I do beguile The thing I am, by seeming otherwise. - Come, how wouldst thou praise me? IAGO. I am about it; but, indeed, my invention Comes from my pate as birdlime does from frize, - It plucks out brains and all: but my Muse labours, And thus she is deliver'd. If she be fair and wise, - fairness and wit, The one's for use, the other useth it. DESDEMONA. Well prais'd! How if she be black and witty? IAGO. If she be black, and thereto have a wit, She'll find a white that shall her blackness fit. DESDEMONA. Worse and worse. EMILIA. How if fair and foolish? IAGO. She never yet was foolish that was fair; For even her folly help'd her to an heir. DESDEMONA. These are old fond paradoxes to make fools laugh i' the alehouse. What miserable praise hast thou for her that's foul and foolish? IAGO. There's none so foul and foolish thereunto, But does foul pranks which fair and wise ones do. DESDEMONA. O heavy ignorance! - thou praisest the worst best. But what praise couldst thou bestow on a deserving woman indeed, - one that, in the authority of her merit, did justly put on the vouch of very malice itself? IAGO. She that was ever fair and never proud; Had tongue at will and yet was never loud; Never lack'd gold and yet went never gay; Fled from her wish, and yet said, "Now I may"; She that, being anger'd, her revenge being nigh, Bade her wrong stay and her displeasure fly; She that in wisdom never was so frail To change the cod's head for the salmon's tail; She that could think and ne'er disclose her mind; See suitors following and not look behind; She was a wight, if ever such wight were; - DESDEMONA. To do what? IAGO. To suckle fools and chronicle small beer. DESDEMONA. O most lame and impotent conclusion! - Do not learn of him, Emilia, though he be thy husband. - How say you, Cassio? is he not a most profane and liberal counsellor? CASSIO. He speaks home, madam: you may relish him more in the soldier than in the scholar. IAGO. [Aside.] He takes her by the palm: ay, well said, whisper: with as little a web as this will I ensnare as great a fly as Cassio. Ay, smile upon her, do; I will gyve thee in thine own courtship. You say true; 'tis so, indeed: if such tricks as these strip you out of your lieutenantry, it had been better you had not kissed your three fingers so oft, which now again you are most apt to play the sir in. Very good; well kissed! an excellent courtesy! 'tis so, indeed. Yet again your fingers to your lips? Would they were clyster-pipes for your sake! [Trumpet within.] - The Moor! I know his trumpet. CASSIO. 'Tis truly so. DESDEMONA. Let's meet him, and receive him. CASSIO. Lo, where he comes! [Enter Othello and Attendants.] OTHELLO. O my fair warrior! DESDEMONA. My dear Othello! OTHELLO. It gives me wonder great as my content To see you here before me. O my soul's joy! If after every tempest come such calms, May the winds blow till they have waken'd death! And let the laboring bark climb hills of seas Olympus-high, and duck again as low As hell's from heaven! If it were now to die, 'Twere now to be most happy; for, I fear, My soul hath her content so absolute That not another comfort like to this Succeeds in unknown fate. DESDEMONA. The heavens forbid But that our loves and comforts should increase Even as our days do grow! OTHELLO. Amen to that, sweet powers! - I cannot speak enough of this content; It stops me here; it is too much of joy: And this, and this, the greatest discords be [Kissing her.] That e'er our hearts shall make! IAGO. [Aside.] O, you are well tun'd now! But I'll set down the pegs that make this music, As honest as I am. OTHELLO. Come, let us to the castle. - News, friends; our wars are done, the Turks are drown'd. How does my old acquaintance of this isle? Honey, you shall be well desir'd in Cyprus; I have found great love amongst them. O my sweet, I prattle out of fashion, and I dote In mine own comforts. - I pry'thee, good Iago, Go to the bay and disembark my coffers: Bring thou the master to the citadel; He is a good one, and his worthiness Does challenge much respect. - Come, Desdemona, Once more well met at Cyprus. [Exeunt Othello, Desdemona, and Attendants.] IAGO. Do thou meet me presently at the harbour. Come hither. If thou be'st valiant, - as, they say, base men being in love have then a nobility in their natures more than is native to them, - list me. The lieutenant to-night watches on the court of guard: first, I must tell thee this - Desdemona is directly in love with him. RODERIGO. With him! why, 'tis not possible. IAGO. Lay thy finger thus, and let thy soul be instructed. Mark me with what violence she first loved the Moor, but for bragging, and telling her fantastical lies: and will she love him still for prating? Let not thy discreet heart think it. Her eye must be fed; and what delight shall she have to look on the devil? When the blood is made dull with the act of sport, there should be, - again to inflame it and to give satiety a fresh appetite, - loveliness in favour; sympathy in years, manners, and beauties; all which the Moor is defective in: now, for want of these required conveniences, her delicate tenderness will find itself abused, begin to heave the gorge, disrelish and abhor the Moor; very nature will instruct her in it, and compel her to some second choice. Now sir, this granted; - as it is a most pregnant and unforced position, - who stands so eminently in the degree of this fortune as Cassio does? a knave very voluble; no further conscionable than in putting on the mere form of civil and humane seeming, for the better compass of his salt and most hidden loose affection? why, none; why, none; - a slipper and subtle knave; a finder out of occasions; that has an eye can stamp and counterfeit advantages, though true advantage never present itself: a devilish knave! besides, the knave is handsome, young, and hath all those requisites in him that folly and green minds look after: a pestilent complete knave; and the woman hath found him already. RODERIGO. I cannot believe that in her; she is full of most blessed condition. IAGO. Blest fig's end! the wine she drinks is made of grapes: if she had been blessed, she would never have loved the Moor: blessed pudding! Didst thou not see her paddle with the palm of his hand? didst not mark that? RODERIGO. Yes, that I did; but that was but courtesy. IAGO. Lechery, by this hand; an index and obscure prologue to the history of lust and foul thoughts. They met so near with their lips that their breaths embraced together. Villainous thoughts, Roderigo! when these mutualities so marshal the way, hard at hand comes the master and main exercise, the incorporate conclusion: pish! - But, sir, be you ruled by me: I have brought you from Venice. Watch you to-night: for the command, I'll lay't upon you: Cassio knows you not: - I'll not be far from you: do you find some occasion to anger Cassio, either by speaking too loud, or tainting his discipline, or from what other course you please, which the time shall more favourably minister. RODERIGO. Well. IAGO. Sir, he is rash, and very sudden in choler, and haply with his truncheon may strike at you: provoke him, that he may; for even out of that will I cause these of Cyprus to mutiny, whose qualification shall come into no true taste again but by the displanting of Cassio. So shall you have a shorter journey to your desires by the means I shall then have to prefer them; and the impediment most profitably removed, without the which there were no expectation of our prosperity. RODERIGO. I will do this, if I can bring it to any opportunity. IAGO. I warrant thee. Meet me by and by at the citadel: I must fetch his necessaries ashore. Farewell. RODERIGO. Adieu. [Exit.] IAGO. That Cassio loves her, I do well believe it; That she loves him, 'tis apt, and of great credit: The Moor, - howbeit that I endure him not, - Is of a constant, loving, noble nature; And, I dare think, he'll prove to Desdemona A most dear husband. Now, I do love her too; Not out of absolute lust, - though, peradventure, I stand accountant for as great a sin, - But partly led to diet my revenge, For that I do suspect the lusty Moor Hath leap'd into my seat: the thought whereof Doth, like a poisonous mineral, gnaw my inwards; And nothing can or shall content my soul Till I am even'd with him, wife for wife; Or, failing so, yet that I put the Moor At least into a jealousy so strong That judgement cannot cure. Which thing to do, - If this poor trash of Venice, whom I trash For his quick hunting, stand the putting on, I'll have our Michael Cassio on the hip; Abuse him to the Moor in the rank garb, - For I fear Cassio with my night-cap too; - Make the Moor thank me, love me, and reward me For making him egregiously an ass And practicing upon his peace and quiet Even to madness. 'Tis here, but yet confus'd: Knavery's plain face is never seen till us'd. [Exit.] SCENE II. A street. [Enter a Herald with a proclamation; People following.] HERALD. It is Othello's pleasure, our noble and valiant general, that upon certain tidings now arrived, importing the mere perdition of the Turkish fleet, every man put himself into triumph; some to dance, some to make bonfires, each man to what sport and revels his addiction leads him: for, besides these beneficial news, it is the celebration of his nuptial: - so much was his pleasure should be proclaimed. All offices are open; and there is full liberty of feasting from this present hour of five till the bell have told eleven. Heaven bless the isle of Cyprus and our noble general Othello! [Exeunt.] SCENE III. A Hall in the Castle. [Enter Othello, Desdemona, Cassio, and Attendants.] OTHELLO. Good Michael, look you to the guard to-night: Let's teach ourselves that honourable stop, Not to out-sport discretion. CASSIO. Iago hath direction what to do; But, notwithstanding, with my personal eye Will I look to't. OTHELLO. Iago is most honest. Michael, good night: to-morrow with your earliest Let me have speech with you. - [To Desdemona] Come, my dear love, - The purchase made, the fruits are to ensue; That profit's yet to come 'tween me and you. - Good-night. [Exeunt Othello, Desdemona, and Attendants.] [Enter Iago.] CASSIO. Welcome, Iago; we must to the watch. IAGO. Not this hour, lieutenant; 'tis not yet ten o' the clock. Our general cast us thus early for the love of his Desdemona; who let us not therefore blame: he hath not yet made wanton the night with her; and she is sport for Jove. CASSIO. She's a most exquisite lady. IAGO. And, I'll warrant her, full of game. CASSIO. Indeed, she is a most fresh and delicate creature. IAGO. What an eye she has! methinks it sounds a parley to provocation. CASSIO. An inviting eye; and yet methinks right modest. IAGO. And when she speaks, is it not an alarm to love? CASSIO. She is, indeed, perfection. IAGO. Well, happiness to their sheets! Come, lieutenant, I have a stoup of wine; and here without are a brace of Cyprus gallants that would fain have a measure to the health of black Othello. CASSIO. Not to-night, good Iago: I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking: I could well wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment. IAGO. O, they are our friends; but one cup: I'll drink for you. CASSIO. I have drunk but one cup to-night, and that was craftily qualified too, and behold, what innovation it makes here: I am unfortunate in the infirmity, and dare not task my weakness with any more. IAGO. What, man! 'tis a night of revels: the gallants desire it. CASSIO. Where are they? IAGO. Here at the door; I pray you, call them in. CASSIO. I'll do't; but it dislikes me. [Exit.] IAGO. If I can fasten but one cup upon him, With that which he hath drunk to-night already, He'll be as full of quarrel and offense As my young mistress' dog. Now, my sick fool Roderigo, Whom love hath turn'd almost the wrong side out, To Desdemona hath to-night carous'd Potations pottle-deep; and he's to watch: Three lads of Cyprus, - noble swelling spirits, That hold their honours in a wary distance, The very elements of this warlike isle, - Have I to-night fluster'd with flowing cups, And they watch too. Now, 'mongst this flock of drunkards, Am I to put our Cassio in some action That may offend the isle: - but here they come: If consequence do but approve my dream, My boat sails freely, both with wind and stream. [Re-enter Cassio; with him Montano and Gentlemen; followed by Servant with wine.] CASSIO. 'Fore heaven, they have given me a rouse already. MONTANO. Good faith, a little one; not past a pint, as I am a soldier. IAGO. Some wine, ho! [Sings.] "And let me the canakin clink, clink; And let me the canakin clink. A soldier's a man; O, man's life's but a span; Why then let a soldier drink." Some wine, boys! CASSIO. 'Fore God, an excellent song. IAGO. I learned it in England, where, indeed, they are most potent in potting: your Dane, your German, and your swag-bellied Hollander, - Drink, ho! - are nothing to your English. CASSIO. Is your Englishman so expert in his drinking? IAGO. Why, he drinks you, with facility, your Dane dead drunk; he sweats not to overthrow your Almain; he gives your Hollander a vomit ere the next pottle can be filled. CASSIO. To the health of our general! MONTANO. I am for it, lieutenant; and I'll do you justice. IAGO. O sweet England! [Sings.] "King Stephen was and a worthy peer, His breeches cost him but a crown; He held them sixpence all too dear, With that he call'd the tailor lown. He was a wight of high renown, And thou art but of low degree: 'Tis pride that pulls the country down; Then take thine auld cloak about thee." Some wine, ho! CASSIO. Why, this is a more exquisite song than the other. IAGO. Will you hear it again? CASSIO. No; for I hold him to be unworthy of his place that does those things. - Well, - God's above all, and there be souls must be saved, and there be souls must not be saved. IAGO. It's true, good lieutenant. CASSIO. For mine own part, - no offence to the general, nor any man of quality, - I hope to be saved. IAGO. And so do I too, lieutenant. CASSIO. Ay, but, by your leave, not before me; the lieutenant is to be saved before the ancient. Let's have no more of this; let's to our affairs. - Forgive us our sins! - Gentlemen, let's look to our business. Do not think, gentlemen, I am drunk: this is my ancient; this is my right hand, and this is my left: - I am not drunk now; I can stand well enough, and I speak well enough. ALL. Excellent well. CASSIO. Why, very well then: you must not think, then, that I am drunk. [Exit.] MONTANO. To the platform, masters; come, let's set the watch. IAGO. You see this fellow that is gone before; - He is a soldier fit to stand by Caesar And give direction: and do but see his vice; 'Tis to his virtue a just equinox, The one as long as the other: 'tis pity of him. I fear the trust Othello puts him in, On some odd time of his infirmity, Will shake this island. MONTANO. But is he often thus? IAGO. 'Tis evermore the prologue to his sleep: He'll watch the horologe a double set If drink rock not his cradle. MONTANO. It were well The general were put in mind of it. Perhaps he sees it not, or his good nature Prizes the virtue that appears in Cassio, And looks not on his evils: is not this true? [Enter Roderigo.] IAGO. [Aside to him.] How now, Roderigo! I pray you, after the lieutenant; go. [Exit Roderigo.] MONTANO. And 'tis great pity that the noble Moor Should hazard such a place as his own second With one of an ingraft infirmity: It were an honest action to say So to the Moor. IAGO. Not I, for this fair island; I do love Cassio well; and would do much To cure him of this evil. - But, hark! What noise? [Cry within, - "Help! help!"] [Re-enter Cassio, driving in Roderigo.] CASSIO. You rogue! you rascal! MONTANO. What's the matter, lieutenant? CASSIO. A knave teach me my duty! I'll beat the knave into a twiggen bottle. RODERIGO. Beat me! CASSIO. Dost thou prate, rogue? [Striking Roderigo.] MONTANO. Nay, good lieutenant; I pray you, sir, hold your hand. CASSIO. Let me go, sir, or I'll knock you o'er the mazard. MONTANO. Come, come, you're drunk. CASSIO. Drunk! [They fight.] IAGO. [Aside to Roderigo.] Away, I say! go out and cry a mutiny. [Exit Roderigo.] Nay, good lieutenant, - alas,, gentlemen: - Help, ho! - Lieutenant, - sir, - Montano, - sir: - Help, masters! - Here's a goodly watch indeed! [Bell rings.] Who's that that rings the bell? - Diablo, ho! The town will rise: God's will, lieutenant, hold; You will be sham'd forever. [Re-enter Othello and Attendants.] OTHELLO. What is the matter here? MONTANO. Zounds, I bleed still; I am hurt to the death. OTHELLO. Hold, for your lives! IAGO. Hold, ho! lieutenant, - sir, - Montano, - gentlemen, - Have you forgot all sense of place and duty? Hold! the general speaks to you; hold, hold, for shame! OTHELLO. Why, how now, ho! from whence ariseth this? Are we turn'd Turks, and to ourselves do that Which Heaven hath forbid the Ottomites? For Christian shame, put by this barbarous brawl: He that stirs next to carve for his own rage Holds his soul light; he dies upon his motion. - Silence that dreadful bell; it frights the isle From her propriety. - What is the matter, masters? - Honest Iago, that look'st dead with grieving, Speak, who began this? on thy love, I charge thee. IAGO. I do not know: - friends all but now, even now, In quarter, and in terms like bride and groom Devesting them for bed; and then, but now - As if some planet had unwitted men, - Swords out, and tilting one at other's breast In opposition bloody. I cannot speak Any beginning to this peevish odds; And would in action glorious I had lost Those legs that brought me to a part of it! OTHELLO. How comes it, Michael, you are thus forgot? CASSIO. I pray you, pardon me; I cannot speak. OTHELLO. Worthy Montano, you were wont be civil; The gravity and stillness of your youth The world hath noted, and your name is great In mouths of wisest censure: what's the matter, That you unlace your reputation thus, And spend your rich opinion for the name Of a night-brawler? give me answer to it. MONTANO. Worthy Othello, I am hurt to danger: Your officer, Iago, can inform you, - While I spare speech, which something now offends me, - Of all that I do know: nor know I aught By me that's said or done amiss this night: Unless self-charity be sometimes a vice, And to defend ourselves it be a sin When violence assails us. OTHELLO. Now, by heaven, My blood begins my safer guides to rule; And passion, having my best judgement collied, Assays to lead the way. If I once stir, Or do but lift this arm, the best of you Shall sink in my rebuke. Give me to know How this foul rout began, who set it on; And he that is approv'd in this offense, Though he had twinn'd with me, both at a birth, Shall lose me. - What! in a town of war Yet wild, the people's hearts brimful of fear, To manage private and domestic quarrel, In night, and on the court and guard of safety! 'Tis monstrous. - Iago, who began't? MONTANO. If partially affin'd, or leagu'd in office, Thou dost deliver more or less than truth, Thou art no soldier. IAGO. Touch me not so near: I had rather have this tongue cut from my mouth Than it should do offence to Michael Cassio; Yet, I persuade myself, to speak the truth Shall nothing wrong him. - Thus it is, general. Montano and myself being in speech, There comes a fellow crying out for help; And Cassio following him with determin'd sword, To execute upon him. Sir, this gentleman Steps in to Cassio and entreats his pause: Myself the crying fellow did pursue, Lest by his clamour, - as it so fell out, - The town might fall in fright: he, swift of foot, Outran my purpose; and I return'd the rather For that I heard the clink and fall of swords, And Cassio high in oath; which till to-night I ne'er might say before. When I came back, - For this was brief, - I found them close together, At blow and thrust; even as again they were When you yourself did part them. More of this matter cannot I report; - But men are men; the best sometimes forget: - Though Cassio did some little wrong to him, - As men in rage strike those that wish them best, - Yet surely Cassio, I believe, receiv'd From him that fled some strange indignity, Which patience could not pass. OTHELLO. I know, Iago, Thy honesty and love doth mince this matter, Making it light to Cassio. Cassio, I love thee; But never more be officer of mine. - [Re-enter Desdemona, attended.] Look, if my gentle love be not rais'd up! - I'll make thee an example. DESDEMONA. What's the matter? OTHELLO. All's well now, sweeting; come away to bed. [To Montano, who is led off.] Sir, for your hurts, myself will be your surgeon: Lead him off. Iago, look with care about the town, And silence those whom this vile brawl distracted. - Come, Desdemona: 'tis the soldiers' life To have their balmy slumbers wak'd with strife. [Exeunt all but Iago and Cassio.] IAGO. What, are you hurt, lieutenant? CASSIO. Ay, past all surgery. IAGO. Marry, heaven forbid! CASSIO. Reputation, reputation, reputation! O, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial. - My reputation, Iago, my reputation! IAGO. As I am an honest man, I thought you had received some bodily wound; there is more sense in that than in reputation. Reputation is an idle and most false imposition; oft got without merit and lost without deserving: you have lost no reputation at all, unless you repute yourself such a loser. What, man! there are ways to recover the general again: you are but now cast in his mood, a punishment more in policy than in malice; even so as one would beat his offenceless dog to affright an imperious lion: sue to him again, and he is yours. CASSIO. I will rather sue to be despised than to deceive so good a commander with so slight, so drunken, and so indiscreet an officer. Drunk? and speak parrot? and squabble? swagger? swear? and discourse fustian with one's own shadow? - O thou invisible spirit of wine, if thou hast no name to be known by, let us call thee devil! IAGO. What was he that you followed with your sword? What had he done to you? CASSIO. I know not. IAGO. Is't possible? CASSIO. I remember a mass of things, but nothing distinctly; a quarrel, but nothing wherefore. - O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts! IAGO. Why, but you are now well enough: how came you thus recovered? CASSIO. It hath pleased the devil drunkenness to give place to the devil wrath: one unperfectness shows me another, to make me frankly despise myself. IAGO. Come, you are too severe a moraler: as the time, the place, and the condition of this country stands, I could heartily wish this had not befallen; but since it is as it is, mend it for your own good. CASSIO. I will ask him for my place again; - he shall tell me I am a drunkard! Had I as many mouths as Hydra, such an answer would stop them all. To be now a sensible man, by and by a fool, and presently a beast! O strange! - Every inordinate cup is unbless'd, and the ingredient is a devil. IAGO. Come, come, good wine is a good familiar creature, if it be well used: exclaim no more against it. And, good lieutenant, I think you think I love you. CASSIO. I have well approved it, sir. - I drunk! IAGO. You, or any man living, may be drunk at a time, man. I'll tell you what you shall do. Our general's wife is now the general; - I may say so in this respect, for that he hath devoted and given up himself to the contemplation, mark, and denotement of her parts and graces: - confess yourself freely to her; importune her help to put you in your place again: she is of so free, so kind, so apt, so blessed a disposition, she holds it a vice in her goodness not to do more than she is requested: this broken joint between you and her husband entreat her to splinter; and, my fortunes against any lay worth naming, this crack of your love shall grow stronger than it was before. CASSIO. You advise me well. IAGO. I protest, in the sincerity of love and honest kindness. CASSIO. I think it freely; and betimes in the morning I will beseech the virtuous Desdemona to undertake for me; I am desperate of my fortunes if they check me here. IAGO. You are in the right. Good-night, lieutenant; I must to the watch. CASSIO. Good night, honest Iago. [Exit.] IAGO. And what's he, then, that says I play the villain? When this advice is free I give and honest, Probal to thinking, and, indeed, the course To win the Moor again? For 'tis most easy The inclining Desdemona to subdue In any honest suit: she's fram'd as fruitful As the free elements. And then for her To win the Moor, - were't to renounce his baptism, All seals and symbols of redeemed sin, - His soul is so enfetter'd to her love That she may make, unmake, do what she list, Even as her appetite shall play the god With his weak function. How am I, then, a villain To counsel Cassio to this parallel course, Directly to his good? Divinity of hell! When devils will the blackest sins put on, They do suggest at first with heavenly shows, As I do now: for whiles this honest fool Plies Desdemona to repair his fortune, And she for him pleads strongly to the Moor, I'll pour this pestilence into his ear, - That she repeals him for her body's lust; And by how much she strives to do him good, She shall undo her credit with the Moor. So will I turn her virtue into pitch; And out of her own goodness make the net That shall enmesh them all. [Enter Roderigo.] How now, Roderigo! RODERIGO. I do follow here in the chase, not like a hound that hunts, but one that fills up the cry. My money is almost spent; I have been to-night exceedingly well cudgelled; and I think the issue will be - I shall have so much experience for my pains: and so, with no money at all and a little more wit, return again to Venice. IAGO. How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees? Thou know'st we work by wit, and not by witchcraft; And wit depends on dilatory time. Does't not go well? Cassio hath beaten thee, And thou, by that small hurt, hast cashier'd Cassio; Though other things grow fair against the sun, Yet fruits that blossom first will first be ripe: Content thyself awhile. - By the mass, 'tis morning; Pleasure and action make the hours seem short. - Retire thee; go where thou art billeted: Away, I say; thou shalt know more hereafter; Nay, get thee gone. [Exit Roderigo.] Two things are to be done, - My wife must move for Cassio to her mistress; I'll set her on; Myself the while to draw the Moor apart, And bring him jump when he may Cassio find Soliciting his wife. Ay, that's the way; Dull not device by coldness and delay. [Exit.] ACT III. SCENE I. Cyprus. Before the Castle. [Enter Cassio and some Musicians.] CASSIO. Masters, play here, - I will content your pains, Something that's brief; and bid "Good-morrow, general." [Music.] [Enter Clown.] CLOWN. Why, masters, have your instruments been in Naples, that they speak i' the nose thus? FIRST MUSICIAN. How, sir, how! CLOWN. Are these, I pray you, wind instruments? FIRST MUSICIAN. Ay, marry, are they, sir. CLOWN. O, thereby hangs a tale. FIRST MUSICIAN. Whereby hangs a tale, sir? CLOWN. Marry, sir, by many a wind instrument that I know. But, masters, here's money for you: and the general so likes your music, that he desires you, for love's sake, to make no more noise with it. FIRST MUSICIAN. Well, sir, we will not. CLOWN. If you have any music that may not be heard, to't again: but, as they say, to hear music the general does not greatly care. FIRST MUSICIAN. We have none such, sir. CLOWN. Then put up your pipes in your bag, for I'll away: go, vanish into air, away! [Exeunt Musicians.] CASSIO. Dost thou hear, mine honest friend? CLOWN. No, I hear not your honest friend; I hear you. CASSIO. Pr'ythee, keep up thy quillets. There's a poor piece of gold for thee: if the gentlewoman that attends the general's wife be stirring, tell her there's one Cassio entreats her a little favour of speech: wilt thou do this? CLOWN. She is stirring, sir; if she will stir hither I shall seem to notify unto her. CASSIO. Do, good my friend. [Exit Clown.] [Enter Iago.] In happy time, Iago. IAGO. You have not been a-bed, then? CASSIO. Why, no; the day had broke Before we parted. I have made bold, Iago, To send in to your wife: my suit to her Is, that she will to virtuous Desdemona Procure me some access. IAGO. I'll send her to you presently; And I'll devise a mean to draw the Moor Out of the way, that your converse and business May be more free. CASSIO. I humbly thank you for't. [Exit Iago.] I never knew A Florentine more kind and honest. [Enter Emilia.] EMILIA. Good-morrow, good lieutenant; I am sorry For your displeasure; but all will sure be well. The general and his wife are talking of it; And she speaks for you stoutly: the Moor replies That he you hurt is of great fame in Cyprus And great affinity, and that, in wholesome wisdom, He might not but refuse you; but he protests he loves you And needs no other suitor but his likings To take the safest occasion by the front To bring you in again. CASSIO. Yet, I beseech you, - If you think fit, or that it may be done, - Give me advantage of some brief discourse With Desdemona alone. EMILIA. Pray you, come in: I will bestow you where you shall have time To speak your bosom freely. CASSIO. I am much bound to you. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Cyprus. A Room in the Castle. [Enter Othello, Iago, and Gentlemen.] OTHELLO. These letters give, Iago, to the pilot; And by him do my duties to the senate: That done, I will be walking on the works; Repair there to me. IAGO. Well, my good lord, I'll do't. OTHELLO. This fortification, gentlemen, - shall we see't? GENTLEMEN. We'll wait upon your lordship. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Cyprus. The Garden of the Castle. [Enter Desdemona, Cassio, and Emilia.] DESDEMONA. Be thou assured, good Cassio, I will do All my abilities in thy behalf. EMILIA. Good madam, do: I warrant it grieves my husband As if the cause were his. DESDEMONA. O, that's an honest fellow. - Do not doubt, Cassio, But I will have my lord and you again As friendly as you were. CASSIO. Bounteous madam, Whatever shall become of Michael Cassio, He's never anything but your true servant. DESDEMONA. I know't, - I thank you. You do love my lord: You have known him long; and be you well assur'd He shall in strangeness stand no farther off Than in a politic distance. CASSIO. Ay, but, lady, That policy may either last so long, Or feed upon such nice and waterish diet, Or breed itself so out of circumstance, That, I being absent, and my place supplied, My general will forget my love and service. DESDEMONA. Do not doubt that; before Emilia here I give thee warrant of thy place: assure thee, If I do vow a friendship, I'll perform it To the last article: my lord shall never rest; I'll watch him tame, and talk him out of patience; His bed shall seem a school, his board a shrift; I'll intermingle everything he does With Cassio's suit: therefore be merry, Cassio; For thy solicitor shall rather die Than give thy cause away. EMILIA. Madam, here comes my lord. CASSIO. Madam, I'll take my leave. DESDEMONA. Why, stay, and hear me speak. CASSIO. Madam, not now. I am very ill at ease, Unfit for mine own purposes. DESDEMONA. Well, do your discretion. [Exit Cassio.] [Enter Othello and Iago.] IAGO. Ha! I like not that. OTHELLO. What dost thou say? IAGO. Nothing, my lord: or if - I know not what. OTHELLO. Was not that Cassio parted from my wife? IAGO. Cassio, my lord! No, sure, I cannot think it, That he would steal away so guilty-like, Seeing you coming. OTHELLO. I do believe 'twas he. DESDEMONA. How now, my lord! I have been talking with a suitor here, A man that languishes in your displeasure. OTHELLO. Who is't you mean? DESDEMONA. Why, your lieutenant, Cassio. Good my lord, If I have any grace or power to move you, His present reconciliation take; For if he be not one that truly loves you, That errs in ignorance and not in cunning, I have no judgement in an honest face: I pr'ythee, call him back. OTHELLO. Went he hence now? DESDEMONA. Ay, sooth; so humbled That he hath left part of his grief with me To suffer with him. Good love, call him back. OTHELLO. Not now, sweet Desdemon; some other time. DESDEMONA. But shall't be shortly? OTHELLO. The sooner, sweet, for you. DESDEMONA. Shall't be to-night at supper? OTHELLO. No, not to-night. DESDEMONA. To-morrow dinner then? OTHELLO. I shall not dine at home; I meet the captains at the citadel. DESDEMONA. Why then to-morrow night; or Tuesday morn; On Tuesday noon, or night; on Wednesday morn: - I pr'ythee, name the time; but let it not Exceed three days: in faith, he's penitent; And yet his trespass, in our common reason, - Save that, they say, the wars must make examples Out of their best, - is not almost a fault To incur a private check. When shall he come? Tell me, Othello: I wonder in my soul, What you would ask me, that I should deny, Or stand so mammering on. What! Michael Cassio, That came awooing with you; and so many a time, When I have spoke of you dispraisingly, Hath ta'en your part; - to have so much to do To bring him in! Trust me, I could do much, - OTHELLO. Pr'ythee, no more; let him come when he will; I will deny thee nothing. DESDEMONA. Why, this is not a boon; 'Tis as I should entreat you wear your gloves, Or feed on nourishing dishes, or keep you warm, Or sue to you to do a peculiar profit To your own person: nay, when I have a suit Wherein I mean to touch your love indeed, It shall be full of poise and difficult weight, And fearful to be granted. OTHELLO. I will deny thee nothing: Whereon, I do beseech thee, grant me this, To leave me but a little to myself. DESDEMONA. Shall I deny you? no: farewell, my lord. OTHELLO. Farewell, my Desdemona: I'll come to thee straight. DESDEMONA. Emilia, come. - Be as your fancies teach you; Whate'er you be, I am obedient. [Exit with Emilia.] OTHELLO. Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul, But I do love thee! and when I love thee not, Chaos is come again. IAGO. My noble lord, - OTHELLO. What dost thou say, Iago? IAGO. Did Michael Cassio, when you woo'd my lady, Know of your love? OTHELLO. He did, from first to last: why dost thou ask? IAGO. But for a satisfaction of my thought; No further harm. OTHELLO. Why of thy thought, Iago? IAGO. I did not think he had been acquainted with her. OTHELLO. O, yes; and went between us very oft. IAGO. Indeed! OTHELLO. Indeed! ay, indeed: - discern'st thou aught in that? Is he not honest? IAGO. Honest, my lord! OTHELLO. Honest! ay, honest. IAGO. My lord, for aught I know. OTHELLO. What dost thou think? IAGO. Think, my lord! OTHELLO. Think, my lord! By heaven, he echoes me, As if there were some monster in his thought Too hideous to be shown. - Thou dost mean something: I heard thee say even now, - thou lik'dst not that, When Cassio left my wife. What didst not like? And when I told thee he was of my counsel In my whole course of wooing, thou criedst, "Indeed!" And didst contract and purse thy brow together, As if thou then hadst shut up in thy brain Some horrible conceit: if thou dost love me, Show me thy thought. IAGO. My lord, you know I love you. OTHELLO. I think thou dost; And, - for I know thou'rt full of love and honesty And weigh'st thy words before thou giv'st them breath, - Therefore these stops of thine fright me the more: For such things in a false disloyal knave Are tricks of custom; but in a man that's just They're close delations, working from the heart, That passion cannot rule. IAGO. For Michael Cassio, I dare be sworn I think that he is honest. OTHELLO. I think so too. IAGO. Men should be what they seem; Or those that be not, would they might seem none! OTHELLO. Certain, men should be what they seem. IAGO. Why, then, I think Cassio's an honest man. OTHELLO. Nay, yet there's more in this: I pr'ythee, speak to me as to thy thinkings, As thou dost ruminate; and give thy worst of thoughts The worst of words. IAGO. Good my lord, pardon me: Though I am bound to every act of duty, I am not bound to that all slaves are free to. Utter my thoughts? Why, say they are vile and false; - As where's that palace whereinto foul things Sometimes intrude not? who has a breast so pure But some uncleanly apprehensions Keep leets and law-days, and in session sit With meditations lawful? OTHELLO. Thou dost conspire against thy friend, Iago, If thou but think'st him wrong'd and mak'st his ear A stranger to thy thoughts. IAGO. I do beseech you, - Though I perchance am vicious in my guess, As, I confess, it is my nature's plague To spy into abuses, and of my jealousy Shape faults that are not, - that your wisdom yet, From one that so imperfectly conceits, Would take no notice; nor build yourself a trouble Out of his scattering and unsure observance: - It were not for your quiet nor your good, Nor for my manhood, honesty, or wisdom, To let you know my thoughts. OTHELLO. What dost thou mean? IAGO. Good name in man and woman, dear my lord, Is the immediate jewel of their souls: Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands; But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed. OTHELLO. By heaven, I'll know thy thoughts. IAGO. You cannot, if my heart were in your hand; Nor shall not, whilst 'tis in my custody. OTHELLO. Ha! IAGO. O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster which doth mock The meat it feeds on: that cuckold lives in bliss Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger; But O, what damned minutes tells he o'er Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves! OTHELLO. O misery! IAGO. Poor and content is rich, and rich enough; But riches fineless is as poor as winter To him that ever fears he shall be poor; - Good heaven, the souls of all my tribe defend From jealousy! OTHELLO. Why, why is this? Think'st thou I'd make a life of jealousy, To follow still the changes of the moon With fresh suspicions? No; to be once in doubt Is once to be resolv'd: exchange me for a goat When I shall turn the business of my soul To such exsufflicate and blown surmises, Matching thy inference. 'Tis not to make me jealous, To say my wife is fair, feeds well, loves company, Is free of speech, sings, plays, and dances well; Where virtue is, these are more virtuous: Nor from mine own weak merits will I draw The smallest fear or doubt of her revolt; For she had eyes and chose me. No, Iago; I'll see before I doubt; when I doubt, prove; And on the proof, there is no more but this, - Away at once with love or jealousy! IAGO. I am glad of it; for now I shall have reason To show the love and duty that I bear you With franker spirit: therefore, as I am bound, Receive it from me: - I speak not yet of proof. Look to your wife; observe her well with Cassio; Wear your eye thus, not jealous nor secure: I would not have your free and noble nature, Out of self-bounty, be abus'd; look to't. I know our country disposition well; In Venice they do let heaven see the pranks They dare not show their husbands; their best conscience Is not to leave undone, but keep unknown. OTHELLO. Dost thou say so? IAGO. She did deceive her father, marrying you; And when she seem'd to shake and fear your looks, She loved them most. OTHELLO. And so she did. IAGO. Why, go to then; She that, so young, could give out such a seeming, To seal her father's eyes up close as oak, - He thought 'twas witchcraft, - but I am much to blame; I humbly do beseech you of your pardon For too much loving you. OTHELLO. I am bound to thee for ever. IAGO. I see this hath a little dash'd your spirits. OTHELLO. Not a jot, not a jot. IAGO. Trust me, I fear it has. I hope you will consider what is spoke Comes from my love; but I do see you're mov'd: - I am to pray you not to strain my speech To grosser issues nor to larger reach Than to suspicion. OTHELLO. I will not. IAGO. Should you do so, my lord, My speech should fall into such vile success Which my thoughts aim'd not. Cassio's my worthy friend: - My lord, I see you're mov'd. OTHELLO. No, not much mov'd. I do not think but Desdemona's honest. IAGO. Long live she so! and long live you to think so! OTHELLO. And yet, how nature erring from itself, - IAGO. Ay, there's the point: - as, - to be bold with you, - Not to affect many proposed matches, Of her own clime, complexion, and degree, Whereto we see in all things nature tends, - Foh! one may smell in such a will most rank, Foul disproportion, thoughts unnatural: - But pardon me: I do not in position Distinctly speak of her; though I may fear, Her will, recoiling to her better judgement, May fall to match you with her country forms, And happily repent. OTHELLO. Farewell, farewell: If more thou dost perceive, let me know more; Set on thy wife to observe: leave me, Iago. IAGO. [Going.] My lord, I take my leave. OTHELLO. Why did I marry? - This honest creature doubtless Sees and knows more, much more, than he unfolds. IAGO. [Returning.] My lord, I would I might entreat your honour To scan this thing no further; leave it to time: Though it be fit that Cassio have his place, - For sure he fills it up with great ability, - Yet, if you please to hold him off awhile, You shall by that perceive him and his means: Note if your lady strain his entertainment With any strong or vehement importunity; Much will be seen in that. In the meantime, Let me be thought too busy in my fears, - As worthy cause I have to fear I am, - And hold her free, I do beseech your honour. OTHELLO. Fear not my government. IAGO. I once more take my leave. [Exit.] OTHELLO. This fellow's of exceeding honesty, And knows all qualities, with a learned spirit, Of human dealings. If I do prove her haggard, Though that her jesses were my dear heartstrings, I'd whistle her off, and let her down the wind To prey at fortune. Haply, for I am black, And have not those soft parts of conversation That chamberers have; or for I am declin'd Into the vale of years, - yet that's not much, - She's gone; I am abus'd, and my relief Must be to loathe her. O curse of marriage, That we can call these delicate creatures ours, And not their appetites! I had rather be a toad, And live upon the vapor of a dungeon, Than keep a corner in the thing I love For others' uses. Yet, 'tis the plague of great ones: Prerogativ'd are they less than the base; 'Tis destiny unshunnable, like death: Even then this forked plague is fated to us When we do quicken. Desdemona comes: If she be false, O, then heaven mocks itself! - I'll not believe't. [Re-enter Desdemona and Emilia.] DESDEMONA. How now, my dear Othello! Your dinner, and the generous islanders By you invited, do attend your presence. OTHELLO. I am to blame. DESDEMONA. Why do you speak so faintly? Are you not well? OTHELLO. I have a pain upon my forehead here. DESDEMONA. Faith, that's with watching; 'twill away again; Let me but bind it hard, within this hour It will be well. OTHELLO. Your napkin is too little; [He puts the handkerchief from him, and she drops it.] Let it alone. Come, I'll go in with you. DESDEMONA. I am very sorry that you are not well. [Exeunt Othello and Desdemona.] EMILIA. I am glad I have found this napkin; This was her first remembrance from the Moor. My wayward husband hath a hundred times Woo'd me to steal it; but she so loves the token, - For he conjur'd her she should ever keep it, - That she reserves it evermore about her To kiss and talk to. I'll have the work ta'en out, And give't Iago: What he will do with it heaven knows, not I; I nothing but to please his fantasy. [Re-enter Iago.] IAGO. How now! what do you here alone? EMILIA. Do not you chide; I have a thing for you. IAGO. A thing for me! - it is a common thing. EMILIA. Ha! IAGO. To have a foolish wife. EMILIA. O, is that all? What will you give me now For that same handkerchief? IAGO. What handkerchief? EMILIA. What handkerchief! Why, that the Moor first gave to Desdemona; That which so often you did bid me steal. IAGO. Hast stol'n it from her? EMILIA. No, faith; she let it drop by negligence, And, to the advantage, I being here, took't up. Look, here it is. IAGO. A good wench; give it me. EMILIA. What will you do with't, that you have been so earnest To have me filch it? IAGO. [Snatching it.] Why, what's that to you? EMILIA. If it be not for some purpose of import, Give't me again: poor lady, she'll run mad When she shall lack it. IAGO. Be not acknown on't; I have use for it. Go, leave me. [Exit Emilia.] I will in Cassio's lodging lose this napkin, And let him find it. Trifles light as air Are to the jealous confirmations strong As proofs of holy writ: this may do something. The Moor already changes with my poison: Dangerous conceits are in their natures poisons, Which at the first are scarce found to distaste, But, with a little act upon the blood, Burn like the mines of sulphur. - I did say so: - Look, where he comes! Not poppy, nor mandragora, Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world, Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep Which thou ow'dst yesterday. [Re-enter Othello.] OTHELLO. Ha! ha! false to me? IAGO. Why, how now, general! no more of that. OTHELLO. Avaunt! be gone! thou hast set me on the rack: - I swear 'tis better to be much abus'd Than but to know't a little. IAGO. How now, my lord! OTHELLO. What sense had I of her stol'n hours of lust? I saw't not, thought it not, it harm'd not me: I slept the next night well, was free and merry; I found not Cassio's kisses on her lips: He that is robb'd, not wanting what is stol'n, Let him not know't and he's not robb'd at all. IAGO. I am sorry to hear this. OTHELLO. I had been happy if the general camp, Pioners and all, had tasted her sweet body, So I had nothing known. O, now, for ever Farewell the tranquil mind! farewell content! Farewell the plumed troop and the big wars That make ambition virtue! O, farewell, Farewell the neighing steed and the shrill trump, The spirit-stirring drum, the ear-piercing fife, The royal banner, and all quality, Pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious war! And, O you mortal engines, whose rude throats The immortal Jove's dread clamors counterfeit, Farewell! Othello's occupation's gone! IAGO. Is't possible, my lord? - OTHELLO. Villain, be sure thou prove my love a whore; - [Taking him by the throat.] Be sure of it. Give me the ocular proof; Or, by the worth of man's eternal soul, Thou hadst been better have been born a dog Than answer my wak'd wrath! IAGO. Is't come to this? OTHELLO. Make me to see't; or at the least so prove it, That the probation bear no hinge nor loop To hang a doubt on; or woe upon thy life! IAGO. My noble lord, - OTHELLO. If thou dost slander her and torture me, Never pray more; abandon all remorse; On horror's head horrors accumulate; Do deeds to make heaven weep, all earth amaz'd; For nothing canst thou to damnation add Greater than that. IAGO. O grace! O heaven defend me! Are you a man? have you a soul or sense? - God be wi' you; take mine office. - O wretched fool, That liv'st to make thine honesty a vice! - O monstrous world! Take note, take note, O world, To be direct and honest is not safe. - I thank you for this profit; and from hence I'll love no friend, sith love breeds such offense. OTHELLO. Nay, stay: - thou shouldst be honest. IAGO. I should be wise; for honesty's a fool, And loses that it works for. OTHELLO. By the world, I think my wife be honest, and think she is not; I think that thou art just, and think thou art not: I'll have some proof: her name, that was as fresh As Dian's visage, is now begrim'd and black As mine own face. - If there be cords or knives, Poison or fire, or suffocating streams, I'll not endure 't. - Would I were satisfied! IAGO. I see, sir, you are eaten up with passion: I do repent me that I put it to you. You would be satisfied? OTHELLO. Would! nay, I will. IAGO. And may: but how? how satisfied, my lord? Would you, the supervisor, grossly gape on, - Behold her tupp'd? OTHELLO. Death and damnation! O! IAGO. It were a tedious difficulty, I think, To bring them to that prospect: damn them then, If ever mortal eyes do see them bolster More than their own! What then? how then? What shall I say? Where's satisfaction? It is impossible you should see this Were they as prime as goats, as hot as monkeys, As salt as wolves in pride, and fools as gross As ignorance made drunk. But yet, I say, If imputation and strong circumstances, - Which lead directly to the door of truth, - Will give you satisfaction, you may have't. OTHELLO. Give me a living reason she's disloyal. IAGO. I do not like the office; But, sith I am enter'd in this cause so far, - Prick'd to it by foolish honesty and love, - I will go on. I lay with Cassio lately; And, being troubled with a raging tooth, I could not sleep. There are a kind of men so loose of soul, That in their sleeps will mutter their affairs: One of this kind is Cassio: In sleep I heard him say, "Sweet Desdemona, Let us be wary, let us hide our loves"; And then, sir, would he gripe and wring my hand, Cry, "O sweet creature!" and then kiss me hard, As if he pluck'd up kisses by the roots, That grew upon my lips: then laid his leg Over my thigh, and sigh'd and kiss'd; and then Cried, "Cursed fate that gave thee to the Moor!" OTHELLO. O monstrous! monstrous! IAGO. Nay, this was but his dream. OTHELLO. But this denoted a foregone conclusion: 'Tis a shrewd doubt, though it be but a dream. IAGO. And this may help to thicken other proofs That do demonstrate thinly. OTHELLO. I'll tear her all to pieces. IAGO. Nay, but be wise: yet we see nothing done; She may be honest yet. Tell me but this, - Have you not sometimes seen a handkerchief Spotted with strawberries in your wife's hand? OTHELLO. I gave her such a one; 'twas my first gift. IAGO. I know not that: but such a handkerchief, - I am sure it was your wife's, - did I today See Cassio wipe his beard with. OTHELLO. If it be that, - IAGO. If it be that, or any that was hers, It speaks against her with the other proofs. OTHELLO. O, that the slave had forty thousand lives, - One is too poor, too weak for my revenge! Now do I see 'tis true. - Look here, Iago; All my fond love thus do I blow to heaven: 'Tis gone. - Arise, black vengeance, from thy hollow hell! Yield up, O love, thy crown and hearted throne To tyrannous hate! swell, bosom, with thy fraught, For 'tis of aspics' tongues! IAGO. Yet be content. OTHELLO. O, blood, Iago, blood! IAGO. Patience, I say; your mind perhaps may change. OTHELLO. Never, Iago. Like to the Pontic Sea, Whose icy current and compulsive course Ne'er feels retiring ebb, but keeps due on To the Propontic and the Hellespont; Even so my bloody thoughts, with violent pace, Shall ne'er look back, ne'er ebb to humble love, Till that a capable and wide revenge Swallow them up. - Now, by yond marble heaven, In the due reverence of a sacred vow [Kneels.] I here engage my words. IAGO. Do not rise yet. - [Kneels.] Witness, you ever-burning lights above, You elements that clip us round about, - Witness that here Iago doth give up The execution of his wit, hands, heart, To wrong'd Othello's service! Let him command, And to obey shall be in me remorse, What bloody business ever. [They rise.] OTHELLO. I greet thy love, Not with vain thanks, but with acceptance bounteous, And will upon the instant put thee to't: Within these three days let me hear thee say That Cassio's not alive. IAGO. My friend is dead; 'tis done at your request: But let her live. OTHELLO. Damn her, lewd minx! O, damn her! Come, go with me apart; I will withdraw To furnish me with some swift means of death For the fair devil. Now art thou my lieutenant. IAGO. I am your own for ever. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Cyprus. Before the Castle. [Enter Desdemona, Emilia, and Clown.] DESDEMONA. Do you know, sirrah, where Lieutenant Cassio lies? CLOWN. I dare not say he lies anywhere. DESDEMONA. Why, man? CLOWN. He's a soldier; and for one to say a soldier lies is stabbing. DESDEMONA. Go to: where lodges he? CLOWN. To tell you where he lodges is to tell you where I lie. DESDEMONA. Can anything be made of this? CLOWN. I know not where he lodges; and for me to devise a lodging, and say he lies here or he lies there were to lie in mine own throat. DESDEMONA. Can you inquire him out, and be edified by report? CLOWN. I will catechize the world for him; that is, make questions and by them answer. DESDEMONA. Seek him, bid him come hither: tell him I have moved my lord on his behalf, and hope all will be well. CLOWN. To do this is within the compass of man's wit; and therefore I will attempt the doing it. [Exit.] DESDEMONA. Where should I lose that handkerchief, Emilia? EMILIA. I know not, madam. DESDEMONA. Believe me, I had rather have lost my purse Full of crusadoes: and, but my noble Moor Is true of mind and made of no such baseness As jealous creatures are, it were enough To put him to ill thinking. EMILIA. Is he not jealous? DESDEMONA. Who, he? I think the sun where he was born Drew all such humours from him. EMILIA. Look, where he comes. DESDEMONA. I will not leave him now till Cassio Be call'd to him. [Enter Othello.] How is't with you, my lord? OTHELLO. Well, my good lady. - [Aside.] O, hardness to dissemble! - How do you, Desdemona? DESDEMONA. Well, my good lord. OTHELLO. Give me your hand: this hand is moist, my lady. DESDEMONA. It yet hath felt no age nor known no sorrow. OTHELLO. This argues fruitfulness and liberal heart: - Hot, hot, and moist: this hand of yours requires A sequester from liberty, fasting, and prayer, Much castigation, exercise devout; For here's a young and sweating devil here That commonly rebels. 'Tis a good hand, A frank one. DESDEMONA. You may, indeed, say so; For 'twas that hand that gave away my heart. OTHELLO. A liberal hand: the hearts of old gave hands; But our new heraldry is hands, not hearts. DESDEMONA. I cannot speak of this. Come now, your promise. OTHELLO. What promise, chuck? DESDEMONA. I have sent to bid Cassio come speak with you. OTHELLO. I have a salt and sorry rheum offends me; Lend me thy handkerchief. DESDEMONA. Here, my lord. OTHELLO. That which I gave you. DESDEMONA. I have it not about me. OTHELLO. Not? DESDEMONA. No, faith, my lord. OTHELLO. That is a fault. That handkerchief Did an Egyptian to my mother give; She was a charmer, and could almost read The thoughts of people: she told her, while she kept it, 'Twould make her amiable and subdue my father Entirely to her love; but if she lost it Or made a gift of it, my father's eye Should hold her loathed, and his spirits should hunt After new fancies: she, dying, gave it me; And bid me, when my fate would have me wive, To give it her. I did so: and take heed on't; Make it a darling like your precious eye; To lose't or give't away were such perdition As nothing else could match. DESDEMONA. Is't possible? OTHELLO. 'Tis true: there's magic in the web of it: A sibyl, that had number'd in the world The sun to course two hundred compasses, In her prophetic fury sew'd the work; The worms were hallow'd that did breed the silk; And it was dy'd in mummy which the skillful Conserv'd of maiden's hearts. DESDEMONA. Indeed! is't true? OTHELLO. Most veritable; therefore look to't well. DESDEMONA. Then would to God that I had never seen't! OTHELLO. Ha! wherefore? DESDEMONA. Why do you speak so startingly and rash? OTHELLO. Is't lost? is't gone? speak, is it out of the way? DESDEMONA. Heaven bless us! OTHELLO. Say you? DESDEMONA. It is not lost; but what an if it were? OTHELLO. How! DESDEMONA. I say, it is not lost. OTHELLO. Fetch't, let me see't. DESDEMONA. Why, so I can, sir, but I will not now. This is a trick to put me from my suit: Pray you, let Cassio be receiv'd again. OTHELLO. Fetch me the handkerchief: my mind misgives. DESDEMONA. Come, come; You'll never meet a more sufficient man. OTHELLO. The handkerchief! DESDEMONA. I pray, talk me of Cassio. OTHELLO. The handkerchief! DESDEMONA. A man that all his time Hath founded his good fortunes on your love, Shar'd dangers with you, - OTHELLO. The handkerchief! DESDEMONA. In sooth, you are to blame. OTHELLO. Away! [Exit.] EMILIA. Is not this man jealous? DESDEMONA. I ne'er saw this before. Sure there's some wonder in this handkerchief; I am most unhappy in the loss of it. EMILIA. 'Tis not a year or two shows us a man: They are all but stomachs and we all but food: They eat us hungerly, and when they are full, They belch us. - Look you, - Cassio and my husband. [Enter Cassio and Iago.] IAGO. There is no other way; 'tis she must do't: And, lo, the happiness! go and importune her. DESDEMONA. How now, good Cassio! what's the news with you? CASSIO. Madam, my former suit: I do beseech you That by your virtuous means I may again Exist, and be a member of his love, Whom I, with all the office of my heart, Entirely honour: I would not be delay'd. If my offence be of such mortal kind That nor my service past, nor present sorrows, Nor purpos'd merit in futurity, Can ransom me into his love again, But to know so must be my benefit; So shall I clothe me in a forc'd content, And shut myself up in some other course, To fortune's alms. DESDEMONA. Alas, thrice-gentle Cassio! My advocation is not now in tune; My lord is not my lord; nor should I know him Were he in favour as in humour alter'd. So help me every spirit sanctified, As I have spoken for you all my best, And stood within the blank of his displeasure For my free speech! You must awhile be patient: What I can do I will; and more I will Than for myself I dare: let that suffice you. IAGO. Is my lord angry? EMILIA. He went hence but now, And certainly in strange unquietness. IAGO. Can he be angry? I have seen the cannon, When it hath blown his ranks into the air And, like the devil, from his very arm Puff'd his own brother; - and can he be angry? Something of moment, then: I will go meet him: There's matter in't indeed if he be angry. DESDEMONA. I pr'ythee, do so. [Exit Iago.] Something sure of state, - Either from Venice or some unhatch'd practice Made demonstrable here in Cyprus to him, - Hath puddled his clear spirit, and in such cases Men's natures wrangle with inferior things, Though great ones are their object. 'Tis even so; For let our finger ache, and it indues Our other healthful members even to that sense Of pain: nay, we must think men are not gods, Nor of them look for such observancy As fits the bridal. - Beshrew me much, Emilia, I was, - unhandsome warrior as I am, - Arraigning his unkindness with my soul; But now I find I had suborn'd the witness, And he's indicted falsely. EMILIA. Pray heaven it be state matters, as you think, And no conception nor no jealous toy Concerning you. DESDEMONA. Alas the day, I never gave him cause! EMILIA. But jealous souls will not be answer'd so; They are not ever jealous for the cause, But jealous for they are jealous: 'tis a monster Begot upon itself, born on itself. DESDEMONA. Heaven keep that monster from Othello's mind! EMILIA. Lady, amen. DESDEMONA. I will go seek him. - Cassio, walk hereabout: If I do find him fit, I'll move your suit, And seek to effect it to my uttermost. CASSIO. I humbly thank your ladyship. [Exeunt Desdemona and Emilia.] [Enter Bianca.] BIANCA. Save you, friend Cassio! CASSIO. What make you from home? How is it with you, my most fair Bianca? I'faith, sweet love, I was coming to your house. BIANCA. And I was going to your lodging, Cassio. What, keep a week away? seven days and nights? Eight score eight hours? and lovers' absent hours, More tedious than the dial eight score times? O weary reckoning! CASSIO. Pardon me, Bianca: I have this while with leaden thoughts been press'd; But I shall in a more continuate time Strike off this score of absence. Sweet Bianca, [Giving her Desdemona's handkerchief.] Take me this work out. BIANCA. O Cassio, whence came this? This is some token from a newer friend. To the felt absence now I feel a cause: Is't come to this? Well, well. CASSIO. Go to, woman! Throw your vile guesses in the devil's teeth, From whence you have them. You are jealous now That this is from some mistress, some remembrance: No, in good troth, Bianca. BIANCA. Why, whose is it? CASSIO. I know not neither: I found it in my chamber. I like the work well: ere it be demanded, - As like enough it will, - I'd have it copied: Take it, and do't; and leave me for this time. BIANCA. Leave you! wherefore? CASSIO. I do attend here on the general; And think it no addition, nor my wish, To have him see me woman'd. BIANCA. Why, I pray you? CASSIO. Not that I love you not. BIANCA. But that you do not love me. I pray you, bring me on the way a little; And say if I shall see you soon at night. CASSIO. 'Tis but a little way that I can bring you, For I attend here: but I'll see you soon. BIANCA. 'Tis very good; I must be circumstanc'd. [Exeunt.] ACT IV. SCENE I. Cyprus. Before the Castle. [Enter Othello and Iago.] IAGO. Will you think so? OTHELLO. Think so, Iago? IAGO. What, To kiss in private? OTHELLO. An unauthoriz'd kiss. IAGO. Or to be naked with her friend in bed An hour or more, not meaning any harm? OTHELLO. Naked in bed, Iago, and not mean harm! It is hypocrisy against the devil: They that mean virtuously and yet do so, The devil their virtue tempts, and they tempt heaven. IAGO. So they do nothing, 'tis a venial slip: But if I give my wife a handkerchief, - OTHELLO. What then? IAGO. Why, then, 'tis hers, my lord, and being hers, She may, I think, bestow't on any man. OTHELLO. She is protectress of her honour too: May she give that? IAGO. Her honour is an essence that's not seen; They have it very oft that have it not: But, for the handkerchief, - OTHELLO. By heaven, I would most gladly have forgot it: - Thou said'st, - O, it comes o'er my memory, As doth the raven o'er the infected house, Boding to all, - he had my handkerchief. IAGO. Ay, what of that? OTHELLO. That's not so good now. IAGO. What, If I had said I had seen him do you wrong? Or heard him say, - as knaves be such abroad, Who having, by their own importunate suit, Or voluntary dotage of some mistress, Convinced or supplied them, cannot choose But they must blab, - OTHELLO. Hath he said anything? IAGO. He hath, my lord; but be you well assur'd, No more than he'll unswear. OTHELLO. What hath he said? IAGO. Faith, that he did, - I know not what he did. OTHELLO. What? what? IAGO. Lie, - OTHELLO. With her? IAGO. With her, on her, what you will. OTHELLO. Lie with her! lie on her! - We say lie on her when they belie her. - Lie with her! that's fulsome. - Handkerchief - confessions - handkerchief! - To confess, and be hanged for his labour, - first, to be hanged, and then to confess. - I tremble at it. Nature would not invest herself in such shadowing passion without some instruction. It is not words that shake me thus: - pish! - noses, ears, and lips. - Is't possible? - Confess, - handkerchief! - O devil! - [Falls in a trance.] IAGO. Work on, My medicine, work! Thus credulous fools are caught; And many worthy and chaste dames even thus, All guiltless, meet reproach. - What, ho! my lord! My lord, I say! Othello! [Enter Cassio.] How now, Cassio! CASSIO. What's the matter? IAGO. My lord is fallen into an epilepsy: This is his second fit; he had one yesterday. CASSIO. Rub him about the temples. IAGO. No, forbear; The lethargy must have his quiet course: If not, he foams at mouth, and by and by Breaks out to savage madness. Look, he stirs: Do you withdraw yourself a little while, He will recover straight: when he is gone, I would on great occasion speak with you. [Exit Cassio.] How is it, general? have you not hurt your head? OTHELLO. Dost thou mock me? IAGO. I mock you! no, by heaven. Would you would bear your fortune like a man! OTHELLO. A horned man's a monster and a beast. IAGO. There's many a beast, then, in a populous city, And many a civil monster. OTHELLO. Did he confess it? IAGO. Good sir, be a man; Think every bearded fellow that's but yok'd May draw with you: there's millions now alive That nightly lie in those unproper beds Which they dare swear peculiar: your case is better. O, 'tis the spite of hell, the fiend's arch-mock, To lip a wanton in a secure couch, And to suppose her chaste! No, let me know; And knowing what I am, I know what she shall be. OTHELLO. O, thou art wise; 'tis certain. IAGO. Stand you awhile apart; Confine yourself but in a patient list. Whilst you were here o'erwhelmed with your grief, - A passion most unsuiting such a man, - Cassio came hither: I shifted him away, And laid good 'scuse upon your ecstasy; Bade him anon return, and here speak with me; The which he promis'd. Do but encave yourself, And mark the fleers, the gibes, and notable scorns, That dwell in every region of his face; For I will make him tell the tale anew, - Where, how, how oft, how long ago, and when He hath, and is again to cope your wife: I say, but mark his gesture. Marry, patience; Or I shall say you are all in all in spleen, And nothing of a man. OTHELLO. Dost thou hear, Iago? I will be found most cunning in my patience; But, - dost thou hear? - most bloody. IAGO. That's not amiss; But yet keep time in all. Will you withdraw? [Othello withdraws.] Now will I question Cassio of Bianca, A housewife that, by selling her desires, Buys herself bread and clothes: it is a creature That dotes on Cassio, - as 'tis the strumpet's plague To beguile many and be beguil'd by one: - He, when he hears of her, cannot refrain From the excess of laughter: - here he comes: - As he shall smile Othello shall go mad; And his unbookish jealousy must construe Poor Cassio's smiles, gestures, and light behavior Quite in the wrong. [Re-enter Cassio.] How do you now, lieutenant? CASSIO. The worser that you give me the addition Whose want even kills me. IAGO. Ply Desdemona well, and you are sure on't. [Speaking lower.] Now, if this suit lay in Bianca's power, How quickly should you speed! CASSIO. Alas, poor caitiff! OTHELLO. [Aside.] Look, how he laughs already! IAGO. I never knew a woman love man so. CASSIO. Alas, poor rogue! I think, i'faith, she loves me. OTHELLO. [Aside.] Now he denies it faintly and laughs it out. IAGO. Do you hear, Cassio? OTHELLO. [Aside.] Now he importunes him To tell it o'er: go to; well said, well said. IAGO. She gives it out that you shall marry her: Do you intend it? CASSIO. Ha, ha, ha! OTHELLO. [Aside.] Do you triumph, Roman? do you triumph? CASSIO. I marry her! - what? A customer! I pr'ythee, bear some charity to my wit; do not think it so unwholesome: - ha, ha, ha! OTHELLO. [Aside.] So, so, so, so: they laugh that win. IAGO. Faith, the cry goes that you shall marry her. CASSIO. Pr'ythee, say true. IAGO. I am a very villain else. OTHELLO. [Aside.] Have you scored me? Well. CASSIO. This is the monkey's own giving out: she is persuaded I will marry her, out of her own love and flattery, not out of my promise. OTHELLO. [Aside.] Iago beckons me; now he begins the story. CASSIO. She was here even now; she haunts me in every place. I was the other day talking on the sea bank with certain Venetians, and thither comes the bauble, and falls thus about my neck, - OTHELLO. [Aside.] Crying, "O dear Cassio!" as it were: his gesture imports it. CASSIO. So hangs, and lolls, and weeps upon me; so hales and pulls me: ha, ha, ha! OTHELLO. [Aside.] Now he tells how she plucked him to my chamber. O, I see that nose of yours, but not that dog I shall throw it to. CASSIO. Well, I must leave her company. IAGO. Before me! look where she comes. CASSIO. 'Tis such another fitchew! marry, a perfumed one. [Enter Bianca.] What do you mean by this haunting of me? BIANCA. Let the devil and his dam haunt you! What did you mean by that same handkerchief you gave me even now? I was a fine fool to take it. I must take out the work? - A likely piece of work that you should find it in your chamber and not know who left it there! This is some minx's token, and I must take out the work? There, - give it your hobby-horse: wheresoever you had it, I'll take out no work on't. CASSIO. How now, my sweet Bianca! how now! how now! OTHELLO. [Aside.] By heaven, that should be my handkerchief! BIANCA. An you'll come to supper to-night, you may; an you will not, come when you are next prepared for. [Exit.] IAGO. After her, after her. CASSIO. Faith, I must; she'll rail in the street else. IAGO. Will you sup there? CASSIO. Faith, I intend so. IAGO. Well, I may chance to see you; for I would very fain speak with you. CASSIO. Pr'ythee, come; will you? IAGO. Go to; say no more. [Exit Cassio.] OTHELLO. [Coming forward.] How shall I murder him, Iago? IAGO. Did you perceive how he laughed at his vice? OTHELLO. O Iago! IAGO. And did you see the handkerchief? OTHELLO. Was that mine? IAGO. Yours, by this hand: and to see how he prizes the foolish woman your wife! she gave it him, and he hath given it his whore. OTHELLO. I would have him nine years a-killing. - A fine woman! a fair woman! a sweet woman! IAGO. Nay, you must forget that. OTHELLO. Ay, let her rot, and perish, and be damned to-night; for she shall not live: no, my heart is turned to stone; I strike it, and it hurts my hand. - O, the world hath not a sweeter creature: she might lie by an emperor's side, and command him tasks. IAGO. Nay, that's not your way. OTHELLO. Hang her! I do but say what she is: - so delicate with her needle! - an admirable musician! O, she will sing the savageness out of a bear! - Of so high and plenteous wit and invention! - IAGO. She's the worse for all this. OTHELLO. O, a thousand, a thousand times: - and then, of so gentle a condition! IAGO. Ay, too gentle. OTHELLO. Nay, that's certain: - but yet the pity of it, Iago! O Iago, the pity of it, Iago! IAGO. If you are so fond over her iniquity, give her patent to offend; for, if it touch not you, it comes near nobody. OTHELLO. I will chop her into messes. - Cuckold me! IAGO. O, 'tis foul in her. OTHELLO. With mine officer! IAGO. That's fouler. OTHELLO. Get me some poison, Iago; this night. - I'll not expostulate with her, lest her body and beauty unprovide my mind again: - this night, Iago. IAGO. Do it not with poison; strangle her in her bed, even the bed she hath contaminated. OTHELLO. Good, good: the justice of it pleases: very good. IAGO. And for Cassio, - let me be his undertaker: - you shall hear more by midnight. OTHELLO. Excellent good. [A trumpet within.] What trumpet is that same? IAGO. Something from Venice, sure. 'Tis Lodovico Come from the duke: and, see, your wife is with him. [Enter Lodovico, Desdemona, and Attendants.] LODOVICO. Save you, worthy general! OTHELLO. With all my heart, sir. LODOVICO. The duke and senators of Venice greet you. [Gives him a packet.] OTHELLO. I kiss the instrument of their pleasures. [Opens the packet and reads.] DESDEMONA. And what's the news, good cousin Lodovico? IAGO. I am very glad to see you, signior; Welcome to Cyprus. LODOVICO. I thank you. How does Lieutenant Cassio? IAGO. Lives, sir. DESDEMONA. Cousin, there's fall'n between him and my lord An unkind breach: but you shall make all well. OTHELLO. Are you sure of that? DESDEMONA. My lord? OTHELLO. [Reads.] "This fail you not to do, as you will, - " LODOVICO. He did not call; he's busy in the paper. Is there division 'twixt my lord and Cassio? DESDEMONA. A most unhappy one: I would do much To atone them, for the love I bear to Cassio. OTHELLO. Fire and brimstone! DESDEMONA. My lord? OTHELLO. Are you wise? DESDEMONA. What, is he angry? LODOVICO. May be the letter mov'd him; For, as I think, they do command him home, Deputing Cassio in his government. DESDEMONA. Trust me, I am glad on't. OTHELLO. Indeed! DESDEMONA. My lord? OTHELLO. I am glad to see you mad. DESDEMONA. Why, sweet Othello, - OTHELLO. Devil! [Striking her.] DESDEMONA. I have not deserv'd this. LODOVICO. My lord, this would not be believ'd in Venice, Though I should swear I saw't: 'tis very much: Make her amends; she weeps. OTHELLO. O devil, devil! If that the earth could teem with woman's tears, Each drop she falls would prove a crocodile. - Out of my sight! DESDEMONA. [Going.] I will not stay to offend you. LODOVICO. Truly, an obedient lady: - I do beseech your lordship, call her back. OTHELLO. Mistress! DESDEMONA. My lord? OTHELLO. What would you with her, sir? LODOVICO. Who, I, my lord? OTHELLO. Ay; you did wish that I would make her turn: Sir, she can turn, and turn, and yet go on, And turn again; and she can weep, sir, weep; And she's obedient, as you say, - obedient, - Very obedient. - Proceed you in your tears. - Concerning this, sir, - O well-painted passion! I am commanded home. - Get you away; I'll send for you anon. - Sir, I obey the mandate, And will return to Venice. - Hence, avaunt! [Exit Desdemona.] Cassio shall have my place. And, sir, to-night, I do entreat that we may sup together: You are welcome, sir, to Cyprus. - Goats and monkeys! [Exit.] LODOVICO. Is this the noble Moor whom our full senate Call all-in-all sufficient? Is this the nature Whom passion could not shake? whose solid virtue The shot of accident nor dart of chance Could neither graze nor pierce? IAGO. He is much chang'd. LODOVICO. Are his wits safe? is he not light of brain? IAGO. He's that he is: I may not breathe my censure What he might be, - if what he might he is not, - I would to heaven he were! LODOVICO. What, strike his wife! IAGO. Faith, that was not so well; yet would I knew That stroke would prove the worst! LODOVICO. Is it his use? Or did the letters work upon his blood, And new-create this fault? IAGO. Alas, alas! It is not honesty in me to speak What I have seen and known. You shall observe him; And his own courses will denote him so That I may save my speech: do but go after, And mark how he continues. LODOVICO. I am sorry that I am deceiv'd in him. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Cyprus. A Room in the Castle. [Enter Othello and Emilia.] OTHELLO. You have seen nothing, then? EMILIA. Nor ever heard, nor ever did suspect. OTHELLO. Yes, you have seen Cassio and she together. EMILIA. But then I saw no harm, and then I heard Each syllable that breath made up between them. OTHELLO. What, did they never whisper? EMILIA. Never, my lord. OTHELLO. Nor send you out o' the way? EMILIA. Never. OTHELLO. To fetch her fan, her gloves, her mask, nor nothing? EMILIA. Never, my lord. OTHELLO. That's strange. EMILIA. I durst, my lord, to wager she is honest, Lay down my soul at stake: if you think other, Remove your thought, - it doth abuse your bosom. If any wretch have put this in your head, Let heaven requite it with the serpent's curse! For if she be not honest, chaste, and true, There's no man happy; the purest of their wives Is foul as slander. OTHELLO. Bid her come hither. - Go. [Exit Emilia.] She says enough; yet she's a simple bawd That cannot say as much. This is a subtle whore, A closet-lock-and-key of villainous secrets: And yet she'll kneel and pray; I have seen her do't. [Enter Emilia with Desdemona.] DESDEMONA. My lord, what is your will? OTHELLO. Pray, chuck, come hither. DESDEMONA. What is your pleasure? OTHELLO. Let me see your eyes; Look in my face. DESDEMONA. What horrible fancy's this? OTHELLO. Some of your function, mistress, [To Emilia.] Leave procreants alone and shut the door; Cough, or cry hem, if anybody come. Your mystery, your mystery; - nay, despatch. [Exit Emilia.] DESDEMONA. Upon my knees, what doth your speech import? I understand a fury in your words, But not the words. OTHELLO. Why, what art thou? DESDEMONA. Your wife, my lord; your true and loyal wife. OTHELLO. Come, swear it, damn thyself; Lest, being like one of heaven, the devils themselves Should fear to seize thee: therefore be double-damn'd. - Swear thou art honest. DESDEMONA. Heaven doth truly know it. OTHELLO. Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell. DESDEMONA. To whom, my lord? with whom? how am I false? OTHELLO. O Desdemona! - away! away! away! DESDEMONA. Alas the heavy day! - Why do you weep? Am I the motive of these tears, my lord? If haply you my father do suspect An instrument of this your calling back, Lay not your blame on me: if you have lost him, Why, I have lost him too. OTHELLO. Had it pleas'd heaven To try me with affliction; had they rain'd All kinds of sores and shames on my bare head; Steep'd me in poverty to the very lips; Given to captivity me and my utmost hopes; I should have found in some place of my soul A drop of patience: but, alas, to make me A fixed figure for the time, for scorn To point his slow unmoving finger at! - Yet could I bear that too; well, very well: But there, where I have garner'd up my heart; Where either I must live or bear no life, - The fountain from the which my current runs, Or else dries up; to be discarded thence! Or keep it as a cistern for foul toads To knot and gender in! - turn thy complexion there, Patience, thou young and rose-lipp'd cherubin, - Ay, there, look grim as hell! DESDEMONA. I hope my noble lord esteems me honest. OTHELLO. O, ay; as summer flies are in the shambles, That quicken even with blowing. O thou weed, Who art so lovely fair, and smell'st so sweet, That the sense aches at thee, - would thou hadst ne'er been born! DESDEMONA. Alas, what ignorant sin have I committed? OTHELLO. Was this fair paper, this most goodly book, Made to write "whore" upon? What committed! Committed! - O thou public commoner! I should make very forges of my cheeks, That would to cinders burn up modesty, Did I but speak thy deeds. - What committed! Heaven stops the nose at it, and the moon winks; The bawdy wind, that kisses all it meets, Is hush'd within the hollow mine of earth, And will not hear it. - What committed! - Impudent strumpet! DESDEMONA. By heaven, you do me wrong. OTHELLO. Are not you a strumpet? DESDEMONA. No, as I am a Christian: If to preserve this vessel for my lord From any other foul unlawful touch Be not to be a strumpet, I am none. OTHELLO. What, not a whore? DESDEMONA. No, as I shall be sav'd. OTHELLO. Is't possible? DESDEMONA. O, heaven forgive us! OTHELLO. I cry you mercy then: I took you for that cunning whore of Venice That married with Othello. - You, mistress, That have the office opposite to Saint Peter, And keep the gate of hell! [Re-enter Emilia.] You, you, ay, you! We have done our course; there's money for your pains: I pray you, turn the key, and keep our counsel. [Exit.] EMILIA. Alas, what does this gentleman conceive? - How do you, madam? how do you, my good lady? DESDEMONA. Faith, half asleep. EMILIA. Good madam, what's the matter with my lord? DESDEMONA. With who? EMILIA. Why, with my lord, madam. DESDEMONA. Who is thy lord? EMILIA. He that is yours, sweet lady. DESDEMONA. I have none: do not talk to me, Emilia; I cannot weep; nor answer have I none But what should go by water. Pr'ythee, to-night Lay on my bed my wedding sheets, - remember; - And call thy husband hither. EMILIA. Here's a change indeed! [Exit.] DESDEMONA. 'Tis meet I should be us'd so, very meet. How have I been behav'd, that he might stick The small'st opinion on my least misuse? [Re-enter Emilia with Iago.] IAGO. What is your pleasure, madam? How is't with you? DESDEMONA. I cannot tell. Those that do teach young babes Do it with gentle means and easy tasks: He might have chid me so; for in good faith, I am a child to chiding. IAGO. What's the matter, lady? EMILIA. Alas, Iago, my lord hath so bewhor'd her, Thrown such despite and heavy terms upon her, As true hearts cannot bear. DESDEMONA. Am I that name, Iago? IAGO. What name, fair lady? DESDEMONA. Such as she says my lord did say I was. EMILIA. He call'd her whore: a beggar in his drink Could not have laid such terms upon his callet. IAGO. Why did he so? DESDEMONA. I do not know; I am sure I am none such. IAGO. Do not weep, do not weep: - alas the day! EMILIA. Hath she forsook so many noble matches, Her father, and her country, and her friends, To be call'd whore? would it not make one weep? DESDEMONA. It is my wretched fortune. IAGO. Beshrew him for't! How comes this trick upon him? DESDEMONA. Nay, heaven doth know. EMILIA. I will be hang'd, if some eternal villain, Some busy and insinuating rogue, Some cogging, cozening slave, to get some office, Have not devis'd this slander; I'll be hang'd else. IAGO. Fie, there is no such man; it is impossible. DESDEMONA. If any such there be, heaven pardon him! EMILIA. A halter pardon him! and hell gnaw his bones! Why should he call her whore? who keeps her company? What place? what time? what form? what likelihood? The Moor's abused by some most villainous knave, Some base notorious knave, some scurvy fellow: - O heaven, that such companions thou'dst unfold, And put in every honest hand a whip To lash the rascals naked through the world Even from the east to the west! IAGO. Speak within door. EMILIA. O, fie upon them! some such squire he was That turn'd your wit the seamy side without, And made you to suspect me with the Moor. IAGO. You are a fool; go to. DESDEMONA. Alas, Iago, What shall I do to win my lord again? Good friend, go to him; for by this light of heaven, I know not how I lost him. Here I kneel: - If e'er my will did trespass 'gainst his love, Either in discourse of thought or actual deed; Or that mine eyes, mine ears, or any sense, Delighted them in any other form; Or that I do not yet, and ever did, And ever will, though he do shake me off To beggarly divorcement, - love him dearly, Comfort forswear me! Unkindness may do much; And his unkindness may defeat my life, But never taint my love. I cannot say "whore," - It does abhor me now I speak the word; To do the act that might the addition earn Not the world's mass of vanity could make me. IAGO. I pray you, be content; 'tis but his humour: The business of the state does him offence, And he does chide with you. DESDEMONA. If 'twere no other, - IAGO. 'Tis but so, I warrant. [Trumpets within.] Hark, how these instruments summon to supper! The messengers of Venice stay the meat: Go in, and weep not; all things shall be well. [Exeunt Desdemona and Emilia.] [Enter Roderigo.] How now, Roderigo! RODERIGO. I do not find that thou dealest justly with me. IAGO. What in the contrary? RODERIGO. Every day thou daffest me with some device, Iago; and rather, as it seems to me now, keepest from me all conveniency than suppliest me with the least advantage of hope. I will indeed no longer endure it; nor am I yet persuaded to put up in peace what already I have foolishly suffered. IAGO. Will you hear me, Roderigo? RODERIGO. Faith, I have heard too much; for your words and performances are no kin together. IAGO. You charge me most unjustly. RODERIGO. With naught but truth. I have wasted myself out of my means. The jewels you have had from me to deliver to Desdemona would half have corrupted a votarist: you have told me she hath received them, and returned me expectations and comforts of sudden respect and acquaintance; but I find none. IAGO. Well; go to; very well. RODERIGO. Very well! go to! I cannot go to, man; nor 'tis not very well: nay, I say 'tis very scurvy, and begin to find myself fobbed in it. IAGO. Very well. RODERIGO. I tell you 'tis not very well. I will make myself known to Desdemona: if she will return me my jewels, I will give over my suit and repent my unlawful solicitation; if not, assure yourself I will seek satisfaction of you. IAGO. You have said now. RODERIGO. Ay, and said nothing but what I protest intendment of doing. IAGO. Why, now I see there's mettle in thee; and even from this instant do build on thee a better opinion than ever before. Give me thy hand, Roderigo. Thou hast taken against me a most just exception; but yet, I protest, I have dealt most directly in thy affair. RODERIGO. It hath not appeared. IAGO. I grant indeed it hath not appeared, and your suspicion is not without wit and judgement. But, Roderigo, if thou hast that in thee indeed, which I have greater reason to believe now than ever, - I mean purpose, courage, and valour, - this night show it: if thou the next night following enjoy not Desdemona, take me from this world with treachery and devise engines for my life. RODERIGO. Well, what is it? is it within reason and compass? IAGO. Sir, there is especial commission come from Venice to depute Cassio in Othello's place. RODERIGO. Is that true? why then Othello and Desdemona return again to Venice. IAGO. O, no; he goes into Mauritania, and takes away with him the fair Desdemona, unless his abode be lingered here by some accident: wherein none can be so determinate as the removing of Cassio. RODERIGO. How do you mean "removing" of him? IAGO. Why, by making him uncapable of Othello's place; - knocking out his brains. RODERIGO. And that you would have me to do? IAGO. Ay, if you dare do yourself a profit and a right. He sups to-night with a harlotry, and thither will I go to him: - he knows not yet of his honourable fortune. If you will watch his going thence, - which I will fashion to fall out between twelve and one, - you may take him at your pleasure: I will be near to second your attempt, and he shall fall between us. Come, stand not amazed at it, but go along with me; I will show you such a necessity in his death that you shall think yourself bound to put it on him. It is now high supper-time, and the night grows to waste: about it. RODERIGO. I will hear further reason for this. IAGO. And you shall be satisfied. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Cyprus. Another Room in the Castle. [Enter Othello, Lodovico, Desdemona, Emilia, and Attendants.] LODOVICO. I do beseech you, sir, trouble yourself no further. OTHELLO. O, pardon me; 'twill do me good to walk. LODOVICO. Madam, good night; I humbly thank your ladyship. DESDEMONA. Your honour is most welcome. OTHELLO. Will you walk, sir? - O, - Desdemona, - DESDEMONA. My lord? OTHELLO. Get you to bed on the instant; I will be returned forthwith: dismiss your attendant there: look't be done. DESDEMONA. I will, my lord. [Exeunt Othello, Lodovico, and Attendants.] EMILIA. How goes it now? he looks gentler than he did. DESDEMONA. He says he will return incontinent: He hath commanded me to go to bed, And bade me to dismiss you. EMILIA. Dismiss me! DESDEMONA. It was his bidding; therefore, good Emilia, Give me my nightly wearing, and adieu: We must not now displease him. EMILIA. I would you had never seen him! DESDEMONA. So would not I: my love doth so approve him, That even his stubbornness, his checks, his frowns, - Pr'ythee, unpin me, - have grace and favour in them. EMILIA. I have laid those sheets you bade me on the bed. DESDEMONA. All's one. - Good faith, how foolish are our minds! - If I do die before thee, pr'ythee, shroud me In one of those same sheets. EMILIA. Come, come, you talk. DESDEMONA. My mother had a maid call'd Barbara; She was in love; and he she lov'd prov'd mad And did forsake her: she had a song of "willow"; An old thing 'twas, but it express'd her fortune, And she died singing it: that song to-night Will not go from my mind; I have much to do But to go hang my head all at one side, And sing it like poor Barbara. Pr'ythee, despatch. EMILIA. Shall I go fetch your night-gown? DESDEMONA. No, unpin me here. - This Lodovico is a proper man. EMILIA. A very handsome man. DESDEMONA. He speaks well. EMILIA. I know a lady in Venice would have walked barefoot to Palestine for a touch of his nether lip. DESDEMONA. [Sings.] "The poor soul sat sighing by a sycamore tree, Sing all a green willow; Her hand on her bosom, her head on her knee, Sing willow, willow, willow: The fresh streams ran by her, and murmur'd her moans; Sing willow, willow, willow; Her salt tears fell from her, and soften'd the stones; - " Lay by these: - [Sings.] "Sing willow, willow, willow; - " Pr'ythee, hie thee; he'll come anon: - [Sings.] "Sing all a green willow must be my garland. Let nobody blame him; his scorn I approve, - " Nay, that's not next. - Hark! who is't that knocks? EMILIA. It's the wind. DESDEMONA. [Sings.] "I call'd my love false love; but what said he then? Sing willow, willow, willow: 'If I court mo women, you'll couch with mo men.'" So get thee gone; good night. Mine eyes do itch; Doth that bode weeping? EMILIA. 'Tis neither here nor there. DESDEMONA. I have heard it said so. - O, these men, these men! - Dost thou in conscience think, - tell me, Emilia, - That there be women do abuse their husbands In such gross kind? EMILIA. There be some such, no question. DESDEMONA. Wouldst thou do such a deed for all the world? EMILIA. Why, would not you? DESDEMONA. No, by this heavenly light! EMILIA. Nor I neither by this heavenly light; I might do't as well i' the dark. DESDEMONA. Wouldst thou do such a deed for all the world? EMILIA. The world's a huge thing; it is a great price For a small vice. DESDEMONA. In troth, I think thou wouldst not. EMILIA. In troth, I think I should; and undo't when I had done. Marry, I would not do such a thing for a joint-ring, nor for measures of lawn, nor for gowns, petticoats, nor caps, nor any petty exhibition; but, for the whole world - why, who would not make her husband a cuckold to make him a monarch? I should venture purgatory for't. DESDEMONA. Beshrew me, if I would do such a wrong for the whole world. EMILIA. Why, the wrong is but a wrong i' the world; and having the world for your labour, 'tis a wrong in your own world, and you might quickly make it right. DESDEMONA. I do not think there is any such woman. EMILIA. Yes, a dozen; and as many to the vantage as would store the world they play'd for. But I do think it is their husbands' faults If wives do fall: say that they slack their duties And pour our treasures into foreign laps; Or else break out in peevish jealousies, Throwing restraint upon us; or say they strike us, Or scant our former having in despite; Why, we have galls; and though we have some grace, Yet have we some revenge. Let husbands know Their wives have sense like them: they see and smell And have their palates both for sweet and sour, As husbands have. What is it that they do When they change us for others? Is it sport? I think it is: and doth affection breed it? I think it doth: is't frailty that thus errs? It is so too. And have not we affections, Desires for sport, and frailty, as men have? Then let them use us well: else let them know The ills we do their ills instruct us so. DESDEMONA. Good-night, good-night: heaven me such usage send, Not to pick bad from bad, but by bad mend! [Exeunt.] ACT V. SCENE I. Cyprus. A Street. [Enter Iago and Roderigo.] IAGO. Here, stand behind this bulk; straight will he come: Wear thy good rapier bare, and put it home: Quick, quick; fear nothing; I'll be at thy elbow: It makes us, or it mars us; think on that, And fix most firm thy resolution. RODERIGO. Be near at hand; I may miscarry in't. IAGO. Here, at thy hand: be bold, and take thy stand. [Retires to a little distance.] RODERIGO. I have no great devotion to the deed; And yet he hath given me satisfying reasons: - 'Tis but a man gone. - Forth, my sword; he dies. [Goes to his stand.] IAGO. I have rubb'd this young quat almost to the sense, And he grows angry. Now, whether he kill Cassio, Or Cassio him, or each do kill the other, Every way makes my gain: live Roderigo, He calls me to a restitution large Of gold and jewels that I bobb'd from him, As gifts to Desdemona; It must not be: if Cassio do remain, He hath a daily beauty in his life That makes me ugly; and besides, the Moor May unfold me to him; there stand I in much peril; No, he must die. - But, so, I hear him coming. [Enter Cassio.] RODERIGO. I know his gait; 'tis he. - Villain, thou diest! [Rushes out, and makes a pass at Cassio.] CASSIO. That thrust had been mine enemy indeed, But that my coat is better than thou know'st: I will make proof of thine. [Draws, and wounds Roderigo.] RODERIGO. O, I am slain! [Iago rushes from his post, cuts Cassio behind in the leg, and exit.] CASSIO. I am maim'd forever. - Help, ho! murder! murder! [Falls.] [Enter Othello at a distance.] OTHELLO. The voice of Cassio: Iago keeps his word. RODERIGO. O, villain that I am! OTHELLO. It is even so. CASSIO. O, help, ho! light! a surgeon! OTHELLO. 'Tis he: - O brave Iago, honest and just, That hast such noble sense of thy friend's wrong! Thou teachest me, - minion, your dear lies dead, And your unbless'd fate hies. Strumpet, I come! Forth of my heart those charms, thine eyes, are blotted; Thy bed, lust-stain'd, shall with lust's blood be spotted. [Exit.] [Enter Lodovico and Gratiano at a distance.] CASSIO. What, ho! no watch? no passage? murder! murder! GRATIANO. 'Tis some mischance; the cry is very direful. CASSIO. O, help! LODOVICO. Hark! RODERIGO. O wretched villain! LODOVICO. Two or three groan: - it is a heavy night: These may be counterfeits: let's think't unsafe To come in to the cry without more help. RODERIGO. Nobody come? then shall I bleed to death. LODOVICO. Hark! [Re-enter Iago, with a light.] GRATIANO. Here's one comes in his shirt, with light and weapons. IAGO. Who's there? whose noise is this that cries on murder? LODOVICO. We do not know. IAGO. Did not you hear a cry? CASSIO. Here, here! for heaven's sake, help me! IAGO. What's the matter? GRATIANO. This is Othello's ancient, as I take it. LODOVICO. The same indeed; a very valiant fellow. IAGO. What are you here that cry so grievously? CASSIO. Iago? O, I am spoil'd, undone by villains! Give me some help. IAGO. O me, lieutenant! what villains have done this? CASSIO. I think that one of them is hereabout, And cannot make away. IAGO. O treacherous villains! - [To Lodovico and Gratiano.] What are you there? Come in and give some help. RODERIGO. O, help me here! CASSIO. That's one of them. IAGO. O murderous slave! O villain! [Stabs Roderigo.] RODERIGO. O damn'd Iago! O inhuman dog! IAGO. Kill men i' the dark! - Where be these bloody thieves? - How silent is this town! - Ho! murder! murder! - What may you be? are you of good or evil? LODOVICO. As you shall prove us, praise us. IAGO. Signior Lodovico? LODOVICO. He, sir. IAGO. I cry you mercy. Here's Cassio hurt by villains. GRATIANO. Cassio! IAGO. How is't, brother? CASSIO. My leg is cut in two. IAGO. Marry, heaven forbid! - Light, gentlemen: - I'll bind it with my shirt. [Enter Bianca.] BIANCA. What is the matter, ho? who is't that cried? IAGO. Who is't that cried! BIANCA. O my dear Cassio, my sweet Cassio! O Cassio, Cassio, Cassio! IAGO. O notable strumpet! - Cassio, may you suspect Who they should be that have thus mangled you? CASSIO. No. GRATIANO. I am sorry to find you thus: I have been to seek you. IAGO. Lend me a garter: - so. - O, for a chair, To bear him easily hence! BIANCA. Alas, he faints! - O Cassio, Cassio, Cassio! IAGO. Gentlemen all, I do suspect this trash To be a party in this injury. - Patience awhile, good Cassio. - Come, come; Lend me a light. - Know we this face or no? Alas, my friend and my dear countryman Roderigo? no: - yes, sure; O heaven! Roderigo. GRATIANO. What, of Venice? IAGO. Even he, sir: did you know him? GRATIANO. Know him! ay. IAGO. Signior Gratiano? I cry you gentle pardon; These bloody accidents must excuse my manners, That so neglected you. GRATIANO. I am glad to see you. IAGO. How do you, Cassio? - O, a chair, a chair! GRATIANO. Roderigo! IAGO. He, he, 'tis he. - [A chair brought in.] O, that's well said; - the chair: - Some good man bear him carefully from hence; I'll fetch the general's surgeon. [To Bianca.] For you, mistress, Save you your labour. - He that lies slain here, Cassio, Was my dear friend: what malice was between you? CASSIO. None in the world; nor do I know the man. IAGO. [To Bianca.] What, look you pale? - O, bear him out o' the air. [Cassio and Roderigo are borne off.] Stay you, good gentlemen. - Look you pale, mistress? - Do you perceive the gastness of her eye? - Nay, if you stare, we shall hear more anon. - Behold her well; I pray you, look upon her: Do you see, gentlemen? nay, guiltiness will speak Though tongues were out of use. [Enter Emilia.] EMILIA. 'Las, what's the matter? what's the matter, husband? IAGO. Cassio hath here been set on in the dark By Roderigo, and fellows that are 'scap'd: He's almost slain, and Roderigo dead. EMILIA. Alas, good gentleman! alas, good Cassio! IAGO. This is the fruit of whoring. - Pr'ythee, Emilia, Go know of Cassio where he supp'd to-night. - What, do you shake at that? BIANCA. He supp'd at my house; but I therefore shake not. IAGO. O, did he so? I charge you, go with me. EMILIA. Fie, fie upon thee, strumpet! BIANCA. I am no strumpet, but of life as honest As you that thus abuse me. EMILIA. As I! foh! fie upon thee! IAGO. Kind gentlemen, let's go see poor Cassio dress'd. - Come, mistress, you must tell's another tale. - Emilia, run you to the citadel, And tell my lord and lady what hath happ'd. - Will you go on afore? [Aside.] This is the night That either makes me or fordoes me quite. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Cyprus. A Bedchamber in the castle: Desdemona in bed asleep; a light burning. [Enter Othello.] OTHELLO. It is the cause, it is the cause, my soul, - Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars! - It is the cause. - Yet I'll not shed her blood; Nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow, And smooth as monumental alabaster. [Takes off his sword.] Yet she must die, else she'll betray more men. Put out the light, and then put out the light: If I quench thee, thou flaming minister, I can again thy former light restore, Should I repent me: - but once put out thy light, Thou cunning'st pattern of excelling nature, I know not where is that Promethean heat That can thy light relume. When I have pluck'd thy rose, I cannot give it vital growth again, It must needs wither: - I'll smell it on the tree. - [Kissing her.] O, balmy breath, that dost almost persuade Justice to break her sword! - One more, one more; - Be thus when thou art dead, and I will kill thee, And love thee after. - One more, and this the last; So sweet was ne'er so fatal. I must weep, But they are cruel tears: this sorrow's heavenly; It strikes where it doth love. - She wakes. DESDEMONA. Who's there? Othello? OTHELLO. Ay, Desdemona. DESDEMONA. Will you come to bed, my lord? OTHELLO. Have you pray'd to-night, Desdemona? DESDEMONA. Ay, my lord. OTHELLO. If you bethink yourself of any crime Unreconcil'd as yet to heaven and grace, Solicit for it straight. DESDEMONA. Alack, my lord, what may you mean by that? OTHELLO. Well, do it, and be brief; I will walk by. I would not kill thy unprepared spirit; No, - heaven forfend! - I would not kill thy soul. DESDEMONA. Talk you of killing? OTHELLO. Ay, I do. DESDEMONA. Then heaven have mercy on me! OTHELLO. Amen, with all my heart! DESDEMONA. If you say so, I hope you will not kill me. OTHELLO. Hum! DESDEMONA. And yet I fear you; for you are fatal then When your eyes roll so: why I should fear I know not, Since guiltiness I know not; but yet I feel I fear. OTHELLO. Think on thy sins. DESDEMONA. They are loves I bear to you. OTHELLO. Ay, and for that thou diest. DESDEMONA. That death's unnatural that kills for loving. - Alas, why gnaw you so your nether lip? Some bloody passion shakes your very frame: These are portents; but yet I hope, I hope, They do not point on me. OTHELLO. Peace, and be still! DESDEMONA. I will so. What's the matter? OTHELLO. That handkerchief which I so loved and gave thee Thou gav'st to Cassio. DESDEMONA. No, by my life and soul! Send for the man, and ask him. OTHELLO. Sweet soul, take heed, Take heed of perjury; thou'rt on thy death-bed. DESDEMONA. Ay, but not yet to die. OTHELLO. Yes, presently: Therefore confess thee freely of thy sin; For to deny each article with oath Cannot remove nor choke the strong conception That I do groan withal. Thou art to die. DESDEMONA. Then, Lord have mercy on me! OTHELLO. I say, amen. DESDEMONA. And have you mercy too! - I never did Offend you in my life; never lov'd Cassio But with such general warranty of heaven As I might love: I never gave him token. OTHELLO. By heaven, I saw my handkerchief in 's hand. O perjur'd woman! thou dost stone my heart, And mak'st me call what I intend to do A murder, which I thought a sacrifice: I saw the handkerchief. DESDEMONA. He found it then; I never gave it him: - send for him hither; Let him confess a truth. OTHELLO. He hath confess'd. DESDEMONA. What, my lord? OTHELLO. That he hath us'd thee. DESDEMONA. How? unlawfully? OTHELLO. Ay. DESDEMONA. He will not say so. OTHELLO. No, his mouth is stopp'd; Honest Iago hath ta'en order for't. DESDEMONA. O, my fear interprets! - What, is he dead? OTHELLO. Had all his hairs been lives, my great revenge Had stomach for them all. DESDEMONA. Alas, he is betray'd, and I undone! OTHELLO. Out, strumpet! Weep'st thou for him to my face? DESDEMONA. O, banish me, my lord, but kill me not! OTHELLO. Down, strumpet! DESDEMONA. Kill me to-morrow; let me live to-night! OTHELLO. Nay, if you strive, - DESDEMONA. But half an hour! OTHELLO. Being done, there is no pause. DESDEMONA. But while I say one prayer! OTHELLO. It is too late. [Smothers her.] EMILIA. [Within.] My lord, my lord! what, ho! my lord, my lord! OTHELLO. What noise is this? - Not dead? not yet quite dead? I that am cruel am yet merciful; I would not have thee linger in thy pain: - So, so. EMILIA. [Within.] What, ho! my lord, my lord! OTHELLO. Who's there? EMILIA. [Within.] O, good my lord, I would speak a word with you! OTHELLO. Yes: - 'tis Emilia: - by and by. - She's dead. - 'Tis like she comes to speak of Cassio's death; The noise was high. - Ha! no more moving? Still as the grave. - Shall she come in? - Were't good? - I think she stirs again: - no. - What's best to do? If she come in, she'll sure speak to my wife: My wife! my wife! what wife? I have no wife. O, insupportable! O heavy hour! Methinks it should be now a huge eclipse Of sun and moon, and that the affrighted globe Should yawn at alteration. EMILIA. [Within.] I do beseech you That I may speak with you, O, good my lord! OTHELLO. I had forgot thee: O, come in, Emilia: - Soft, - by and by: - let me the curtains draw. - Where art thou? [Unlocks the door.] [Enter Emilia.] What's the matter with thee now? EMILIA. O, my good lord, yonder's foul murders done! OTHELLO. What, now? EMILIA. But now, my lord. OTHELLO. It is the very error of the moon; She comes more nearer earth than she was wont And makes men mad. EMILIA. Cassio, my lord, hath kill'd a young Venetian Call'd Roderigo. OTHELLO. Roderigo kill'd? And Cassio kill'd? EMILIA. No, Cassio is not kill'd. OTHELLO. Not Cassio kill'd! then murder's out of tune, And sweet revenge grows harsh. DESDEMONA. O, falsely, falsely murder'd! EMILIA. Alas, what cry is that? OTHELLO. That! what? EMILIA. Out, and alas! That was my lady's voice. - Help! help, ho! help! - O lady, speak again! Sweet Desdemona! O sweet mistress, speak! DESDEMONA. A guiltless death I die. EMILIA. O, who hath done this deed? DESDEMONA. Nobody; I myself. Farewell: Commend me to my kind lord: O, farewell! [Dies.] OTHELLO. Why, how should she be murder'd? EMILIA. Alas, who knows? OTHELLO. You heard her say herself it was not I. EMILIA. She said so: I must needs report the truth. OTHELLO. She's like a liar, gone to burning hell: 'Twas I that kill'd her. EMILIA. O, the more angel she, And you the blacker devil! OTHELLO. She turn'd to folly, and she was a whore. EMILIA. Thou dost belie her, and thou art a devil. OTHELLO. She was false as water. EMILIA. Thou art rash as fire, to say That she was false: O, she was heavenly true! OTHELLO. Cassio did tup her; ask thy husband else. O, I were damn'd beneath all depth in hell, But that I did proceed upon just grounds To this extremity. Thy husband knew it all. EMILIA. My husband! OTHELLO. Thy husband. EMILIA. That she was false to wedlock? OTHELLO. Ay, with Cassio. Nay, had she been true, If heaven would make me such another world Of one entire and perfect chrysolite, I'd not have sold her for it. EMILIA. My husband! OTHELLO. Ay, 'twas he that told me first: An honest man he is, and hates the slime That sticks on filthy deeds. EMILIA. My husband! OTHELLO. What needs this iterance, woman? I say thy husband. EMILIA. O mistress, villainy hath made mocks with love! - My husband say that she was false! OTHELLO. He, woman; I say thy husband: dost understand the word? My friend, thy husband, honest, honest Iago. EMILIA. If he say so, may his pernicious soul Rot half a grain a day! he lies to the heart: She was too fond of her most filthy bargain. OTHELLO. Ha! EMILIA. Do thy worst: This deed of thine is no more worthy heaven Than thou wast worthy her. OTHELLO. Peace, you were best. EMILIA. Thou hast not half that power to do me harm As I have to be hurt. O gull! O dolt! As ignorant as dirt! thou hast done a deed, - I care not for thy sword; I'll make thee known, Though I lost twenty lives. - Help! help, ho! help! The Moor hath kill'd my mistress! murder, murder! [Enter Montano, Gratiano, and Iago.] MONTANO. What is the matter? - How now, general! EMILIA. O, are you come, Iago? you have done well, That men must lay their murders on your neck. GRATIANO. What is the matter? EMILIA. Disprove this villain, if thou be'st a man: He says thou told'st him that his wife was false: I know thou didst not, thou'rt not such a villain: Speak, for my heart is full. IAGO. I told him what I thought; and told no more Than what he found himself was apt and true. EMILIA. But did you ever tell him she was false? IAGO. I did. EMILIA. You told a lie; an odious, damned lie; Upon my soul, a lie; a wicked lie: - She false with Cassio! - Did you say with Cassio? IAGO. With Cassio, mistress. Go to, charm your tongue. EMILIA. I will not charm my tongue; I am bound to speak: My mistress here lies murder'd in her bed, - ALL. O heavens forfend! EMILIA. And your reports have set the murder on. OTHELLO. Nay, stare not, masters: it is true, indeed. GRATIANO. 'Tis a strange truth. MONTANO. O monstrous act! EMILIA. Villany, villany, villany! I think upon't, - I think, - I smell't; - O villany! - I thought so then; - I'll kill myself for grief: - O villany, villany! IAGO. What, are you mad? I charge you, get you home. EMILIA. Good gentlemen, let me have leave to speak: 'Tis proper I obey him, but not now. - Perchance, Iago, I will ne'er go home. OTHELLO. O! O! O! [Hanging over his wife.] EMILIA. Nay, lay thee down and roar; For thou hast kill'd the sweetest innocent That e'er did lift up eye. OTHELLO. [Rising.] O, she was foul! - I scarce did know you, uncle; there lies your niece, Whose breath, indeed, these hands have newly stopp'd: I know this act shows horrible and grim. GRATIANO. Poor Desdemona! I am glad thy father's dead: Thy match was mortal to him, and pure grief Shore his old thread in twain: did he live now, This sight would make him do a desperate turn, Yea, curse his better angel from his side, And fall to reprobance. OTHELLO. 'Tis pitiful; but yet Iago knows That she with Cassio hath the act of shame A thousand times committed; Cassio confess'd it: And she did gratify his amorous works With that recognizance and pledge of love Which I first gave her; I saw it in his hand: It was a handkerchief, an antique token My father gave my mother. EMILIA. O heaven! O heavenly powers! IAGO. Come, hold your peace. EMILIA. 'Twill out, 'twill out: - I peace! No, I will speak as liberal as the north: Let heaven and men and devils, let them all, All, all, cry shame against me, yet I'll speak. IAGO. Be wise, and get you home. EMILIA. I will not. [Iago offers to stab his wife.] GRATIANO. Fie! Your sword upon a woman? EMILIA. O thou dull Moor! that handkerchief thou speak'st of I found by fortune and did give my husband; For often with a solemn earnestness, - More than, indeed, belong'd to such a trifle, - He begg'd of me to steal it. IAGO. Villanous whore! EMILIA. She give it Cassio! no, alas, I found it, And I did give't my husband. IAGO. Filth, thou liest! EMILIA. By heaven, I do not, I do not, gentlemen. - O murderous coxcomb! What should such a fool Do with so good a wife? OTHELLO. Are there not stones in heaven But what serve for thunder? - Precious villain! [Iago stabs Emilia, and then runs out.] GRATIANO. The woman falls; sure, he hath kill'd his wife. EMILIA. Ay, ay: - O, lay me by my mistress' side. GRATIANO. He's gone, but his wife's kill'd. MONTANO. 'Tis a notorious villain. Take you this weapon, Which I have here recover'd from the Moor: Come, guard the door without; let him not pass, But kill him rather. I'll after that same villain, For 'tis a damned slave. [Exit Montano and Gratiano.] OTHELLO. I am not valiant neither, But every puny whipster gets my sword: - But why should honour outlive honesty? Let it go all. EMILIA. What did thy song bode, lady? Hark, canst thou hear me? I will play the swan, And die in music: - [Sings.] "Willow, willow, willow." Moor, she was chaste; she lov'd thee, cruel Moor; So come my soul to bliss, as I speak true; So speaking as I think, I die, - I die. [Dies.] OTHELLO. I have another weapon in this chamber; It is a sword of Spain, the ice-brook's temper: - O, here it is. - Uncle, I must come forth. GRATIANO. [Within.] If thou attempt it, it will cost thee dear: Thou hast no weapon, and perforce must suffer. OTHELLO. Look in upon me then, and speak with me, Or, naked as I am, I will assault thee. [Re-enter Gratiano.] GRATIANO. What is the matter? OTHELLO. Behold, I have a weapon; A better never did itself sustain Upon a soldier's thigh: I have seen the day That with this little arm and this good sword I have made my way through more impediments Than twenty times your stop: - but, O vain boast! Who can control his fate? 'tis not so now. - Be not afraid, though you do see me weapon'd; Here is my journey's end, here is my butt, And very sea-mark of my utmost sail. Do you go back dismay'd? 'tis a lost fear; Man but a rush against Othello's breast, And he retires: - where should Othello go? - Now, how dost thou look now? O ill-starr'd wench! Pale as thy smock! When we shall meet at compt, This look of thine will hurl my soul from heaven, And fiends will snatch at it. Cold, cold, my girl! Even like thy chastity. - O cursed, cursed slave! - Whip me, ye devils, From the possession of this heavenly sight! Blow me about in winds! roast me in sulphur! Wash me in steep-down gulfs of liquid fire! - O Desdemon! dead, Desdemon! dead! O! [Enter Lodovico, Montano, Cassio carried in a chair, and Officers with Iago prisoner.] LODOVICO. Where is this rash and most unfortunate man? OTHELLO. That's he that was Othello; - here I am. LODOVICO. Where is that viper? bring the villain forth. OTHELLO. I look down towards his feet; - but that's a fable. - If that thou be'st a devil, I cannot kill thee. [Wounds Iago.] LODOVICO. Wrench his sword from him. IAGO. I bleed, sir, but not kill'd. OTHELLO. I am not sorry neither: I'd have thee live; For, in my sense, 'tis happiness to die. LODOVICO. O thou Othello, that wert once so good, Fall'n in the practice of a damned slave, What shall be said to thee? OTHELLO. Why, anything; An honourable murderer, if you will; For naught did I in hate, but all in honour. LODOVICO. This wretch hath part confess'd his villany: Did you and he consent in Cassio's death? OTHELLO. Ay. CASSIO. Dear general, I never gave you cause. OTHELLO. I do believe it, and I ask your pardon. Will you, I pray, demand that demi-devil Why he hath thus ensnar'd my soul and body? IAGO. Demand me nothing: what you know, you know: From this time forth I never will speak word. LODOVICO. What, not to pray? GRATIANO. Torments will ope your lips. OTHELLO. Well, thou dost best. LODOVICO. Sir, you shall understand what hath befall'n, Which, as I think, you know not. Here is a letter Found in the pocket of the slain Roderigo, And here another: the one of them imports The death of Cassio to be undertook By Roderigo. OTHELLO. O villain! CASSIO. Most heathenish and most gross! LODOVICO. Now here's another discontented paper, Found in his pocket too; and this, it seems, Roderigo meant to have sent this damned villain; But that, belike, Iago in the interim Came in and satisfied him. OTHELLO. O the pernicious caitiff! - How came you, Cassio, by that handkerchief That was my wife's? CASSIO. I found it in my chamber; And he himself confess'd but even now That there he dropp'd it for a special purpose Which wrought to his desire. OTHELLO. O fool! fool! fool! CASSIO. There is besides in Roderigo's letter, - How he upbraids Iago, that he made him Brave me upon the watch; whereon it came That I was cast: and even but now he spake, After long seeming dead, - Iago hurt him, Iago set him on. LODOVICO. You must forsake this room, and go with us: Your power and your command is taken off, And Cassio rules in Cyprus. For this slave, - If there be any cunning cruelty That can torment him much and hold him long, It shall be his. You shall close prisoner rest, Till that the nature of your fault be known To the Venetian state. - Come, bring away. OTHELLO. Soft you; a word or two before you go. I have done the state some service, and they know't. - No more of that. - I pray you, in your letters, When you shall these unlucky deeds relate, Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate, Nor set down aught in malice: then must you speak Of one that loved not wisely, but too well; Of one not easily jealous, but, being wrought, Perplex'd in the extreme; of one whose hand, Like the base Judean, threw a pearl away Richer than all his tribe; of one whose subdu'd eyes, Albeit unused to the melting mood, Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees Their medicinal gum. Set you down this; And say besides, - that in Aleppo once, Where a malignant and a turban'd Turk Beat a Venetian and traduc'd the state, I took by the throat the circumcised dog And smote him - thus. [Stabs himself.] LODOVICO. O bloody period! GRATIANO. All that's spoke is marr'd. OTHELLO. I kiss'd thee ere I kill'd thee: - no way but this, Killing myself, to die upon a kiss. [Falling upom Desdemona.] CASSIO. This did I fear, but thought he had no weapon; For he was great of heart. LODOVICO. [To Iago.] O Spartan dog, More fell than anguish, hunger, or the sea! Look on the tragic loading of this bed; This is thy work: - the object poisons sight; Let it be hid. - Gratiano, keep the house, And seize upon the fortunes of the Moor, For they succeed on you. - To you, lord governor, Remains the censure of this hellish villain; The time, the place, the torture, - O, enforce it! Myself will straight aboard; and to the state This heavy act with heavy heart relate. [Exeunt.] THE END Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-deajia-wadley-i-039-m-in-love-with-my-brother/

Deajia wadley I'm in love with my Brother Loving you is wrong but my heart can't stand the wait Chapter 1   Chapter 1 ( Maria p.o.v)   Hello my Name is Maria I live in Austin Texas with my brother and my mom.Im 5'3 light skinned 15 years old  deep dimples fire truck red hair that stops down to my butt with hazel blue eyes  and a body to die for.  My dad died when I was a little girl and my mom is never around  because she is a bussiness woman she has to travel around the world because of her fasion line but she sends money for us to pay the bills, get grocers and other things we might want, so its just me and my big brother. When I was little thats all I ever had me and my big brother we did everything together he was the only boy I was really around I never had a boyfriend hell I haven't even been kissed before and the only person I wanted to take my innocence was my own brother.   The more and more time is spent with my brother I began to gain more feelings for him you know more that just brotherly love. I try so hard to ignore my feelings for him because I know that it is  wrong but I just cant. I love him I want him to hold me and take care of me I want to marry hi- ok wait a minute no nooo nooo no I cant marry my brother. So I'm going to have to suck it up and deal with the fact I cant love him like I want to.       So I'm sitting on my bed in my pink shorts and my white half shirt ,eating salt and vinegar chips. Ugh I wish I had something better to do but my two best friends are out of state. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I quickly   know who it is i take off my shorts and my top and lay down under the covers.   "Lil sis what do you want to eat" i heard my brother say as he opened my door    i didn't say anything so he went over to the side of my bed i could feel his eyes on me he gently pulled back my covers and got in bed with me. See this was the thing i loved the most about him he would always cuddle with me.I felt him slide up against me and hold me to his chest i wish we could stay in this position forever. I was enjoying it until he started shaking me screaming my name  "MARIA I KNOW YOU AWAKE GET UP OUT OF THIS DAMN BED AND COME EAT" " Ok boy im up" " thank you love" He kissed my forehead and ran down the stairs since aint no one here i didnt mind puttting my cloths on so i just walked down stairs when i made my way down i heard my brother ask me what i wanted to eat i sat on the counter and he turned around with a blank look on his face     ( Trey p.o.v)   Hey im Trey,Maria Big brother, Im 6'7 light skinned only one dimple on my right cheek Im 16 years old with curly brown hair with hazel green eyes and abs for days. You can say im an overprotective brother i just dont want anyone to touch my sister. Our whole life i was the only one their for her not our mom or our dad so i keep her close to my heart. Im the only boy she is really around and since i spend so much time with her over the years i have began to chatch feelings i love her with all my heart but we can never be together.   I just got off from work so i run up to my sisters room and to ask her what she would like to eat because i know she hungry she might be little but she can eat up a storm. when i walk in her room i see her pants and shirt on the floor with her chips still open left on the dresser. I know she not sleep because she would never leave her food out unatteneded. I climbed in bed with her and noticed she only had on her lace bra and panties my dick stood at the sight of her fat ass popping out of her panties. I cuddled up close to her and took in her sent i wanted to do this while i still had the chance to, but i knew it had to end soon or my hormones would get the best of me im not a virgin but i still don't know how to control my erges.   I began to shake her and scream then i ran down stairs to get something for us to eat soon after i heard her coming down the stairs. 'What do you want to-" i stoped mid sentence when i seen she hadent changed or tried to cover up more than what was being shown. "what are you looking at"she asked as she made her way around the counter and now was starring me in my eyes "nothing i just wanted to know what you wanted to eat" i said starrig at her ass she caught me starring and started to switch to the other side of the table. Ughhh she what she's doing to me " i want chinesse food pooh-bare" Maria said and stopped me from my starring That nickname always get me hard and i dont even know why   " ok ill order it now what you want to do while we wait for our food" "lets go in our pool" "ok"   I was heading up stairs when Maria stoped me  " wait we should go skinny dipping" " umm oK'   We went down to the pool and my heart stopped when i saw her take off the rest of the little cloths she had on oh lord help me. Chapter 2 ( Maria's P.o.v )   I watched as he stripped out of his cloths and stepped into the pool with me. Dont worrie we have a large fince over our house no one can see what we are doing. His dick is so big and fat this is the first time ive seen him naked and im glad im seeing this he is one hell of a man. He swims close to me me cornering me at the edge of the pool. I lick my lips as he comes closer to me. then he suddenly goes under water. I start to move from my spot when he comes up and holds me tight and whispers in my ear     "why did you want to do this" he ask as he brushes his tongue up against my ear while i moan out in pleasure. My body is terriffied i've never even kiss a guy but my brother he makes me feel safe and comfortable. He leans in for a kiss and i splash him with water and swim to the other side of the pool with him right behind me. He reaches up and dunks me into the water     "pooh- bare you messed up my hair" He comes close when i say his nickname and looks at me with dark lustfull eyes "say it again" "pooh-bare" i say then flick my tongue on his neck and he lets our a breathly moan   He pulls me up to his stomac so his dick is on my ass i moaned out as he sucked hard on my neck. " i love you maria" all of a sudden my mind with blank my heart raced and it felt like my heart was about to pop out of my chest does he really love me? did he mean what he said or does he just want to get in my pants i began to cry at the thought, the thought of him not waunting me anymore     Chapter 3  (Trey p.o.v)   I looked up and saw her crying so i picked her up and grabed the towel off the chair and walked to her room where i dried her off. The whole time she wouldn't stop crying. "Please baby don't cry plz tell me whats wrong i promise ill make it better" " you you cant make it better i know you dont love me like i love you and i know its wrong but i cant help who i love i love you so much i wanted you to be my everything my first kiss my first time my first date ugh im so messed up your my brother" " baby i do feel the same way i love you as much and maybe even more than you love me" " Then show me"     When she said that i leaned in and kissed her softly on her lips she smelled so good and tasted good to i wounder how something eles taste. She kissed me harder and deeper makeing me erect    " I think im ready" she said   i layed her down on her back and kissed her all over her face reasuring her that eveything would be alright. i kissed down to her clit and began to suck and lick her pearl when she was wet enough i raised up and rubbed my shaft against her clit.  Right when i was about to enter into her wetness the door bell rang and i curssed under my breath.   " ohhh go answer it thats my food" she said  "but baby" "just go im hungry plz" "ok my love"   I but on my basketball shorts and went down stairs  and payed for the food by then Maria walked down the stairs in the fully dressed so i pouted  " we will finish later i promise" "ok baby" i smiled at her as we at our food  Chapter 4  Maria's P.O.V   He was staring at me while i ate i thought it was cute yet creepy. He looks like he wants to take me right here on so im going to tease him. Oh what a little devil i am. i take my fork and suck on it and watch trey as his mouth gapes open watching me with lust in his eyes. I geuss he likes it. So i inch twords him and blow on his ear. Over the years i have learned little things about him that turn him on by watching how he reacts to his previous girls. I suck on his ear lobe biting it lightly until i hear him moan. I swiftly get up out of my seat and throw away out trash as i walk up the stairs he has a weird look in his eye that i cant really make out but im still happy i know i can turn him on by doing simple shit like that.         Trey P.o.v   I run up stairs after maria how dare she tease me like that well i have something for her. I grab her and lay her down on the bed and start to suck on her neck teasing every part of it with my tounge  "Oh trey" she moans and i slide my touge down to her stomac right before i get to her pearl i stop "Get ready im taking you out on a date baby" after that i go to my room and get ready for my date               Chapter 5  Maria P.o.v   I decided to wear my bleached high waisted pants with my blue crop to and white Jordans simple but cute. for my acessories i wore my big pearls earings my gold grill and my "bad bitch" neckless.  I got in the shower for 30 min and but my red lace bra and pantie set on not knowing that trey was in the room with me.   "are you just trying to tease me" he said  "are you copieing my swagg" i stated    He had on light saggy jeans a blue holister shirt and his forces with a chain that had his Name on it coverd with dimodns    Publication Date: March 27th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-prc4bbd73349545

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-tweety-96-murder-capital/

Tweety_96 .... Murder Capital in the streets of New Orleans No School Today? Alexis I blinked as I woke up to flashing blue and red police lights shining through the room as they ambulance, police and firetrucks rushed past. I groaned into my pillow wanting more sleep eventhough I knew that I had to get up for school. I was still tired from staying up until 3:50 something last night from my job. Want to know my job? I'm a part-time stripper along with my twin sister, Alexandria. The only reason that we are stripping is because we are in full custody of our Aunt Rasheeda. She wasn't an evil aunt or anything and our parents aren't dead. My mom and dad are deployed into Iraq and they're probably going to be there for a few years. I love my aunt to death and our parents send us a check every month for our well being, but our aunt wants to save and cut us off $200 to spend on ourselves. It annoys us and it also annoys her when we keep begging her for money because that $400 dollars does'nt even last us a week let alone a month. I groaned as I rolled over knowing that I had to get up. I went across the hall to Alexandria's room but seeing that she was still sleeping, I turned back around and went into the bathroom in my room. Eventhough we were in the custody of Aunt Rasheeda didn't mean we stayed with her. She stayed in a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo while we stayed in a townhouse together since Alexandria refused to share a room and a bathroom. I liked our townhouse better. It was a 2 story 4 bedrooms 4 bathrooms. The contractors made a mistake when they were building the house, so we have two master bedrooms/bathrooms. I loved it. I turned on the shower as I hopped in, getting fresh for the day.     Alexandria        I rolled my eyes in the darkness as I heard my sister hop in the shower.  Today was Friday. I do not fell like going to school today. I was the older twin by 5 minutes and 48 seconds. I value those 5 minutes of me being an only child. I went in the bathroom and brushed my teeth and picked out something to wear for the day before I hopped in my shower. I turned on the tv and walked back into the bathroom. "Breaking News, a local high school was recently in a state of dismay for a call for emergency assistance as the school was nearly burnt down to ashes.", the male reporter anoounced. "North Carver High School was in a sudden shock as gang members tried to burn down the school earlier this morning. No students or staff are attending school until the case is resolved of the gang members."  My head shot up at the news. I looked at the flat screen tv and kissed it. God answers prayers when you really need them. I hope they don't solve the case. I threw the clothes I was picking out to wear to school today on the bed and dug through my closet to figure out what am I going to where to work tonight. I shrugged and settled on a cute little two piece. It was a few sizes too small so that it made my boobs collide out of it and as for the thong.. I usually can't pull it up to the top of my ass. I like tha attention from the strip club. It may not have been from who I want it to be, but it was still attention. My sister is just doing this to pay for the hummer she wants and a few other expenses that Aunt Rasheeda refuses to splurge on. I'm not complaining though because she takes good care of us and doesn't spend the money on herself. At least she keeps the refridgerator well stocked along with the pantry. I think I want to throw a party tommorrow just for the hell of it. But along with a party comes a mess, and I don't even like cleaning up my own messes much less someone else's. I was still thinking of the party when I got in the shower.   Alexis     After I got out the shower and got dressed, I walked down the hall to Alexandria's room to see if she was up yet. I opened the door and saw the lights on with the tv and the door to her bathroom was closed and I heard the shower running. I looked at the tv and saw that it was on the news. I had to do a double take when I saw my school with a bunch of fire trucks and ambulances around it. I shrugged, I guess it was no school today. I guess I'm going to have to do my hair and make-up and get ready for work tonight. But I'm going to do that right after I take a long ass nap. On a second thought I'm going to stay up and clean up, because if I go to sleep, I'll probably have to depend on Alexandria to wake me up at the  right time when in a fairness, she can't even wake her own self up on time.   Alexandria   I decided to start flat ironing my hair and do my make-up before I go out to meet my boyfriend, Marcus. He was a tall, muscular, defensive boyfriend and I think I'm falling for him. Hard. We met at school, well kinda, school is the reason we fell in love, but we weren't in school when we finally met each other. He was wearing an adidas warm-up suit with black and white Samoas. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he was getting aggravated by an arguement by his now ex girlfriend, Shawniecia. She wasn't ugly, but at the same time she didn't look that cute standing next to him as I do now. Right now I know it sounds as if I'm the replacement bitch, but she was just a side bitch until I came around. I smiled to myself as I walked downstairs and out of the front door. I took our 2012 Pontiac G8 and met Marcus at his condo 20 minutes away.   Marcus       I had just gotten out of the shower when I saw a text message frromAlexandria saying that she was on the way. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that I had dark sleep lines from last night. My older brother, Matthew, is staying with me because he got evicted from his ghetto apartment. Not only did he bring hisself, but his 2 kids and his babymama, Josie. I'm tired because of Matthew sorry ass want to play Booty Call all night with Josie. These motherfuckers don't even have respect for themselves much less caring if me, the provider, gets any sleep. I don't care I get sleep later, because today is all about Alexandria and what she wants today, the h.b.i.c. (head bitch in charge) will get. I texted my nigga, Zion, to hold all calls about our business with drugs,money, guns and shit because the time that I get with Alexandria is valuable. Today will be just me and her; fuck everyone else for the next 24-48 hours. I left the bathroom and banged on the TEMPORARY room for Matthew,Josie, and the kids. A restless Josie opened the door to look at me. "Yes, Marcus?", She asked sweetly. "I'm gonna need all of ya'll to go out for the day and probably stay at Zion's tonight, because I'm going to be extra busy." , I said real quickly. She nodded her head and smiled. "I'll get the kids up and bring them to a fair and the movies, but I need about 30 dollars.", She asked worriedly. I ran back to my room and came back with 300 dollars. "I don't give a fuck if you watch every movie playing at the movies, just don't come home tonight.", I said frantically.    Alexandria   I was driving for about 20 mins, when I finally arrived at Marcus' house. Just when I was pulling up in one of the parking spaces in front of Marcus' condo and see Josie leaving with her two bad ass kids. Don't get me wrong I'm cool with kids, I just have low patience with them. I walked inside the building and went upstairs to knock on Marcus' door. Instead of Marcus answering the door, it was his old bum of a brother, Matthew.    Matthew     "Matthew get up.", Josie my on-and-off girlfriend for about 8 years said to me. I blinked as I woke up slowly. "I'm taking me and the kids out to the mall and see a movie because Marcus needs the house to hisself today.", She explained. I nodded my head as I was processing the information. "I'ma meet ya'll at the mall in an hour or so.", I said, not really wanting to feel bothered with her and the kids to early in the morning. A couple of minutes later, I heard her slam the front door with the kids and I rolled over to the middle of our shared bed for more room.  If it wasn't for my two kids, I most likely wouldn't be with Josie right now. I would probably still be a player. I heard a loud pounding on the door. Marcus was still in the bathroom taking a shower so I got up from bed and answered the door, thinking that it was Josie forgetting something. I groaned as I opened the door, but it was far from Josie who was standing in front of me. It was Marcus' fine ass girlfriend, Alexandria. She was a thick mocha-skinned chick with light brown hair that came near her elbow. She is not just black; she just has good hair and thick like a Brazilian. She looks fine with a Trukfit hoodie, gray skinny jeans, and Jordans that matched her hoodie. Her slight smile faded to slight frown when she saw that it was me opening the door. "My bad, I thought that you were Marcus. Is he in here.?", She asked. "Yeah, but he's taking a shower. Come in.", I said as I moved to the side of the door so she could pass by. As she came in the house, I had turned my head to check out her ass which was a perfect ten if I might add.    Alexandria                   Sometimes I think that Matthew needs to really get a life. Everytime I see him when I'm laughing, he somehow has a talent to make my smile disappear in a split second. "Come in.", he said to me as I walked past him into condo. I walked in and without taking another glance back, I went to Marcus' room to take some of my layers of clothes off. I am far from a virgin, but I want everytime to be special. I don't like to be looking ratchet and random while we are fucking. The head bitch in charge is also a classy bitch when it comes to her man. Just like I don't want a sorry-ass nigga like Matthew and Marcus' doesn't want a rachet female like one of his  MANY embarrassingg ex-girlfriends. I walked past him as I felt his eyes staring at me. I walked into Marcus' room and heard the shower running. I took off my Trukfit hoodie, skinny jeans, and Jordans to reveal my new Victoria's Secret laced bra and thong set. After I undressed, I decided to go and get Marcus some breakfast because I know he didn't eat yet. I walked into the kitchen and went to make him some Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal.    Matthew      I heard Alexandria making something in the kitchen, so I figured I would go and spy on her to see what she was eating. Before I could even step a foot in the kitchen area, I saw Alexandria on her tip-toes getting a bowl from the top cabinet. She was in a peach bra and thong and I couldn't take my eyes off her.  She as she poured the milk and cereal into the bowl, she didn't even turn around once to notice me. "So this is what you wear underneath your clothes?", I asked, not realizing that I was saying it. She jumped when I said it, and turn around slowly to look at me in disgust. "Why are you worried about it?", She asked, smugly. Even when she's mad, she looks sexy as hell. She rolled her eyes at me as she was putting the milk in the fridge and the cereal away. She brushed past me as if I wasn't standing here. Damn she sexy when she's fiesty.      Getting Home-Schooled Marcus     As soon as I got our of the shower, I put on some cologne and brushed my teeth. I put on the boxers that I had brought in the bathroom with me and opened my bathroom door which leads to my room.  I saw Alexandria sitting on my bed waiting for me with my favorite cereal and a sexy ass bra and thong. That's what I like seeing her in, besides being naked. "Morning Babe.", She said seductively. I walked across the room and kissed her roughly.  "Morning.", I replied. I reached over and was about to undo her bra strap, when she pulled my hand away. "What's wrong?", I asked her. Is she mad at me?  She smiled quickly and shoved the bowl of cereal into my hands. "You can't fuck on an empty stomach.", She said. I laughed and started to eat my favorite breakfast. This is why I love her so much. She's not just a girl in a realtionship for sex, but she really cares about my well-being. I found myself stopping and looking at her body after every spoonful. "I'm going to leave if you don't eat Marcus. I'm serious.", She stated, annoyed that I can't do one thing without staring at her.  I hurried up and cleaned the bowl before she can get off the bed to get dressed and leave. She smiled at me as she took the bowl and went to the kitchen to put it into the dishwasher. I went into the bathroom and got some baby oil, some lotion and edible body oil along with some handcuffs. Yeah, we fuck with handcuffs, I fuck her too rough because I can. I'm the king of that pussy, which belongs to me.  By the time I walked back in the room, Alexandria was just walking in. I went to my closet and got our comforter out for when we fuck because it gets cold when we are naked. She started to drag me to the bed and she pulled me so that I was on top of her. I started to bite my lip because shawty was on that mad game today.  I pulled down her underwear, took off her bra and started to suck on her 32C titties. They were soft and she started moaning when I was flicking my tongue over her nipples. I lifted my face and crushed them on her soft lips. I started fingering her and went until she was a super soaker.   Alexandria          I couldn't take it anymore, I needed him inside of me. I reached over and pulled down his boxer shorts, revealing his 8 inch dick. He smiled as he lifted me up and layed me down so that my head was on the pillows. I quickly gasped as he was entering me. He doesn't bother taking it slow, so I just lay there and moan. It feels so good. Marcus was just saying 'Shit','Fuck', and 'Damn, Alex'.    Marcus    Alexandria know she on her shit today. She was looking good as hell as she was moaning, scratching my back and biting my shoulder while she was screaming my name. I wanted her to scream louder,so I went faster and rougher. Only thing I heard was Alex screaming my name and my balls slapping against her ass. Soon I heard her come and felt the moisture all over my dick. I came not to long after.  I tumbled over beside her and cuddled her warm, naked body as we went to sleep with shortness of breath.                                 Workin' It Alexandria After Marcus and I spent the whole day together in bed, around 9:30 I left to come home and get ready for work. As I went to my room to take a shower, I heard Alexis in bed snoring away. I don't know anyone who can get up, shower, brush their teeth, and get dressed just to go back to bed. I shook my head as I came out the shower and put on my sweats while stuffing all of my work clothes into a bag. I walked to Alexis' room and saw that she was still sleeping, so I left her sleeping behind in the house.  When I got to the club, I went straight to the dressing room in the back of the club. I saw that all the girls weren't even here and the ones that are here, don't even have they wigs and weaves on right. I pulled off my sweats and walked down the hallway that leads to the stage.  Just as I was behind the curtains, my manager, Mr. Rick Jones, pulled me to the side. "I want you to perform for a group of men in the V.I.P. room along with your sister, and the are special to me. Where is your sister?", He asked me. I nodded as I told him that she was on her way.   Mr. Jones (The Twins' Manager)          I slammed my phone into the desk after I got off the phone with my oldest son, Hykeem, who told me that he was waiting in the V.I.P. room with my younger twin sons, Tyreek and Tyrone, for some girls to come in the room. I out of my office and headed toward the stage to see if there was any good girls out right now. I saw noone attractive enough for my sons, so I was about to head into the dressing room, when I ran into Alexandria who reminded me of her and her sister's beautiful appeals. I knew I had to have both of them to dance for the twins' on their birthday and some other less attractive girl for my oldest son, Hykeem.   Tyrone'               I walked in my dad's club 'Skin' all happy and excited as my older brother, Hykeem, was scoping out the easy hoes and my twin, Tyreek, was acting nonchalant about coming here for our birthday. "Ty, stop acting all down, you only turn eighteen once, man.", I told him.  He looked at me blankly for a minute and then looked away. I don't need a nigga like this ruining my night. Hykeem acted like he didn't hear us arguing, but I know he was watching Tyreek on the slick side. I sighed heavily and blocked him out of my mind as soon as we entered the V.I.P. room. Shit is going down tonight.   Alexis         I rolled over in the bed and waited for my alarm on my phone to go off, so I can get ready for work. I told Siri to set my alarm at 5:30. I looked at my window and saw that it was way past sunset. "Oh, Shit!", I exclaimed. I jumped out of the bed and took a quick shower. After freshning up, I jumped right into my outfit of the night, with my 2nd outfit in hand just in case. I quickly brushed my light brown hair down and grabbed my keys and left. I walked into the club and ran to the dressing room where I quickly put my clothes in my locker and locked it. I was about to walk out when I saw a note on my locker saying that I had to report to the V.I.P. room.  I started getting nervous and walked up to the door and hesitated to open it. I saw a few girls in the hallway staring at me, so I decided to go in.   Tyreek           I was scrolling through my phone as I ignored my brothers getting a lap dance from a stripper. I just don't want to. I have better things to do then just sit here getting angry by the second. A woman came in the side door and walked directly to Hykeem and started to give him a lap dance, but it wasn't a normal lap dance. The rule for a lap dance at the club is that you don't touch or feel, but she was feeling and grinding on him as much as he was on her. Not to long after that, I heard the door leading to the hallway opening. In came a beautiful caramel skin girl with long, light brown hair and light brown eyes. As I was eyeing her up and down, I noticed that the girl dancing on my twin brother looks exactly like her. Twins. I chuckled and thought only my Dad would do something like this.  She stood next to the door as if she was waiting for a way to escape, but she stood there frozen. They have to be fraternal twins because she has more ass, titties, light brown eyes and she's more tense, while her sister is loose, taller but thinner and care-free. I like a girl with morals and values. I don't need an undercover hoe. Tyrone gonna have a brand-new fuckbuddy. Her eyes wandered around the room in fear, until they met mine. This chick was bad.   Alexis        "Can you come here for a sec?", He asked me. Before I knew it, I was walking to him, with him smirking at me the whole time. He was cute and I noticed that Alexandria was giving a lap dance to his twin. I was walking so far that I almost walked into his wide-spread legs on the sofa. He chuckled and looked up at me. I tried not to make eye contact with him, but his eyes were hazel and mesmerizing. "What's your name?", he asked. "Jenn.", I said, while lying quickly. Alexandria stopped her dance on the other twin and looked me in my face and squinted her eyes at me. "Her name is, Alexis, and mine is Alexandria.",She said. I turned my haed to look at her with disbelief. Why would you tell a  complete stranger our REAL names? The boy in front of me must to have been amused by my lie, because he chuckled right in front of me. "So you gonna lie to me, Alexis?", He asked, with a smirk on his face. I looked away from his piercing hazel eyes. The way he said my name was sexy. The way it just rolled off his tongue as if he was just letting it flow out through his sexy lips. I have to find an escape out of here soon. I mentally took note of the way he looked at me. He was looking at my face, instead of my body. He may be a twin, but they are NOTHING alike. His brother is touching my sister all over her body and not even looking up to see her face, but this one is staring at me as if he is trying to figure me out. I just realized that this whole time I have been daydreaming or night/daydreaming, I was staring into his eyes. I quickly scan the room trying to focus my eyes on something other than him.   Tyreek          She must of been daydreaming because she was staring at me without even realizing it. When she came back to Earth she looked away from me and was blushing. "Sorry, I was thinking about something.", She said. I hope she was thinking about me! "I'm Tyreek.", I said, trying to clear the awkwardness. She looks nice and she made me happy eversince I got here. I have to know more about her. She looks like a mystery that you would want to solve. She is unique and I will be chasing a girl for the first time in my life. Thankfully I won't turn into Tyrone, because I am actually looking for a serious relationship. "Can you give me a lap dance?", I asked smoothly. I never ever been a player, but I hope that it works tonight.  She smiled sweetly. "You will be the first person I ever gave a lap dance to.", She revealed. I smiled and bit my bottom lip. At the back of my mind, I was wondering if she is a good dancer. Just a coincidence that 'Birthday Song' Intro was coming on at that exact moment. She walked up to me with the beat and brushed her arm against my shoulder. Just her touch got my mind spinning. She walked around me and started to rub the sides of my face.  "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY IS A BIG BOOTY HOE!", 2 Chainz roared out.  My eyes followed her as she got right in front of me and, bent over so far that I thought that she was kissing the floor. But I was wrong, when I looked up at her ass and it was jumping to the song. All eyes in the V.I.P. room were on her and no longer her sister. Her sister looked up and smiled at her sister. I guess it was because she was finally letting loose.  Alexandria went to the bar with my brother and started drinking like there was no tommorrow. A waiter came over to me with 2 drinks and I tapped Alexis to have a drink with me. She came and sat next to me and next thing you know, we were talking, laughing and drinking. I forgot that someone was smoking that Gas near us, so Alexis was drunk and high at the same time. It was 3 a.m. and Alexis was starting to talk more slur and fall asleep. I have to find her sister, but Alexandria along with Tyrone was nowhere to be found and I wasn't gonna leave her alone. I followed Alexis' slurred directions to get her bag out the dressing room and I carried her and her her bag to my car.                Maybe I was High! Alexis            I woke up with a horrible hangover and the top of my head smashed into the headboard. I felt something wrapped around me also. I froze in horror when my headboard moved. I looked moved my head back and realized that I was in a strong chest. I scrunched up my face in confusion of who will this be? I  don't thin--- oh nevermind. This is Tyreek. The cute other half. The what it seems to be a sweetheart. I felt very snug with his arms around my lower waist, which was pulling me closer to him. I think that I'm in love.    Tyreek        Last night was so crazy, but fun at the same time. Alexis ended up getting so drunk and Tyrone and Alexis' twin went off somewhere. Since she was so drunk and her sister left, I picked her up, grabbed her stuff and headed back to my shared condo with Tyrone and Hykeem. Hykeem only comes around when his girlfriend kicks him out of their house that dad doesn't know he lives at. We didn't do anything though and I know that this is her first time getting drunk, because shawty had fell asleep as soon as we got in the bedroom.                     *** Flashback   *** I let her lay down and she grabbed me and pulled me closer. "Don't leave me alone, please.", she said to me with her drooping slightly. I looked at her and saw her shivering. I pulled the covers from under us and took off my shirt and felt her head lean into my chest. I looked down and saw that her eyes were closed and her breathing slowed to a rhythm.                      *** End Of Flashback *** She looks like an angel. I like the way her mouth opens but she is not snoring. I find myself just watching her sleep. I want to smash and pass her so bad, but she was so drunk last night, I couldn't get her to do anything and after all, she was drunk and I don't want to take advantage of that. I let her sober up so that we can start to play around.           Alexis                       I looked up at Tyreek and saw that he was staring at me. I got up and walked around until I spotted my bag on the floor and soon after, I ran into a bathroom. In my bag were extra clothes, body wash, and toothpaste and toothbrush along with my work clothes. I took a quick shower and realized that I didn't have a towel. I quickly put on a bra and drawers and cracked open the bathroom door. I saw that Tyreek was still in the bed and his eyes were closed. I tiptoed out of the bathroom and through bedroom and into the hallway. I started opening doors and then closing them, in search of a linen closet where there are towels, washtowels or something. At this point I'll cover myself up with a sheet. Somehow I ended up in a room with nothing in it. Weird. I walked out of the room and saw a line of photos in frames on the wall in the hallway. I saw a picture of Tyreek and his twin when they were babies. Tyreek looks better than his twin. He has hazel eyes, a natural smile, and he is bigger than his brother but more easy to talk to. I smiled when I saw a picture of a small baby crying in Santa's lap. Tyreek. Just then I felt hands around my waist. Tyreek   I heard Alexis tiptoe out of the bathroom, so I acted as if I was asleep and let her do whatever. I heard her leave the room and I got up. I walked silently through the house as I looked for her. She probably was gone, didn't even give a fuck that I probably saved her from a lot of trouble. I turned the corner and saw out in the hallway looking at our family portraits. I looked at her and walked up behind her. She didn't even notice me, because she was so absorbed into the picture of me screaming at Santa when I was little. She was smiling, genuinely. She had a beautiful shape. And the bonus was that she's in her bra and underwear, soaking wet. Just Sexy. Before I realized it, I was wrapping my hands around her waist. As soon as I realized it, I took them off of her, but it was not before she realized that I was here. She slightly flinched at my touch and relaxed. She turned around and I saw her chest just busting through the bra. She was staring at me without a shirt on and she quickly looked down and blushed. "I'm sorry, I was looking for a towel and didn't want to wake you.", she explained. I looked down at her trying to look away from me. Alexis      I can't even focus on my own train of thought with him walking around here shirtless. I can't show no interest in him, because probably to him, I'm just another future fuckbuddy. I don't have time for a boothang eithier; especially one that goes to the strip club and bring the girl back home with him. I'm a virgin, but I know he probably was trying to fuck. I was too drunk to do anything last night. I need to go home. I walked away from him and saw my phone on the bed. It was dead. I picked it up and got dressed, got my stuff, thanked him, and left.  As I was walking down the street, I saw a McDonald's and used a girl's phone over there. I asked one of my girls if she can come and pick me up from McDonald's. I can't remember nothing from last night. Maybe I was high!                    No Kiss And Tells Alexandria       I had no idea what my sister was doing. If I was home and she's not, there's a problem. Right when I was about to pick up my phone and report her missing, she comes through the front door. She was smiling wide and in another world. "Where have you been?",I questioned. She looked at me and smirked. "Waiting around for you last night,but you never came.", she replied back smartly. I looked at her as she walked to her room and slammed the door, leaving me puzzled. What in the hell happened last night?  Did I fuck anyone? My clothes are still on, so I guess not. I got dressed to spend the day with Marcus again. We are actually fuckbuddies, but we call oursleves in a relationship incase someone asks us and we don't want to say fuckbuddies. Until either of us are taken, which won't be long now, we'll be fuckbuddies. I text Alexis to let her know that I was leaving, but she didn't reply. I called her and she didn't pick up the phone. I guess she's mad at me, so I left.   Alexis       My phone is dead, so I put it on the charger and went to sleep. I don't want to hear noone's voice right now. I heard Alexandria leave. The least she could have done was told me that she was leaving, but I guess she wants to be stuck-up today. I rolled my eyes before I drifted into a deep sleep.   Tyreek   I went back to sleep after Alexis left, because I was up all night staring at her. She sleeps so peacefully. I heard my phone vibrating, so I got up and searched for it in the bed. I could have sworn I left it in the bed and I don't remember putting my phone on vibrate either. I opened my bathroom door and saw that my phone was vibrating on the counter. I picked it up and saw a text from Alexandria. What the hell? Since when did I get her number? I typed in my password and it said 'password incorrect'. I looked at my phone and flipped it over and saw a scratch that was never there. I flipped it back over and saw that my screensaver was a picture of Alexis as the wallpaper. Damn. She grabbed the wrong phone. She could be anywhere in New Orleans by now. She left two damn hours ago. Damn. I need to call my dad.   Alexis        I walked into the club at 10:50 ready to get some money. I started prepping, when my manager called me into his office. "Yes?", I asked as I walked in the office. He looked up at me and smiled. "Yes, Alexis. I need you to cater to my son. He's in the V.I.P. Section.", He replied. I nodded as I walked out of the room. I was going to go in the V.I.P. room later. Right now, I need to get some lap dances in while the other females are still in the back prepping. I started giving a lap dance to a fat man with cornrows. He smiled at me as he tucked the 50 dollar bill in my thong's strap. I continued my dance and moved on. I kept on thinking about Tyreek for some reason. He probably doesn't even remember my name. His warm chest and his eyes are mesmeriizing. I can't stop thinking about him.   Tyreek    I had walked into the club and saw only one girl giving dances. Alexis. She looked deep into thought as she was collecting the money. I had hacked her phone and got her number. She is beautiful and very photogenic. She didn't notice me as I slip past the lobby and went to my dad's office to let him know that  I was here. "Both of the twins aren't working today, so you and your brother gonna have to choose.", He said to me. "Tyrone's at a game so I'm free.", I said before I made my way to the V.I.P. room with my boys. I was here with Deionte, Malik, and Quay. As soon as we sat down, three ugly hoes came in and gave dances to them, leaving me without a piece of ass. Quay rolled up a blunt and passed it to me. I set it up and smoked it. Before I knew it, the room was full of smoke and everyone in it was getting high just by breathing. I needed this.  I waited and waited for Alexis to come in the room. She was still in the main section giving lap dances. I got up and saw Alexis walking to the dressing room counting her money. She went to my dad's office and gave him his 10% cut and grabbed her bag. She came back out with a white t-shirt, shorts with fishnets on underneath, red, black and white jordans with a red and white obey hat. She looking bad.    Tyreek         "I was waiting for you in the V.I.P. room.", I said to her.  She looked up at me as she adknowledged me. Her eyebrows perked up in interest. "So your his son?", she asked. I nodded and she shook her head in disbelief. "When am I gonna get my dance?", I asked her.  "I'm off the clock now.", She said as she started walking away. "Are you here tommorrow?", I asked again. She looked back. "No, but my sister is." I don't want her damn sister, I want her. I followed her as she walked out into the parking lot. She looked for her car and rolled her eyes when she couldn't find it. "Where are you walking to?", I asked her, as she started speedwalking down the sidewalk, shivering. "Home."  I tried to catch her, but she was walking too fast. I got in my car and started driving, looking for her. Where could she go that quick? Alexis As soon as I get out of view from Tyreek, I feel hands around my mouth and I'm being picked up. I feel hands trying to feel on me but I'm fighting. I bite the hand that was around my mouth and hear a loud yell. I get picked up again and tossed over someone back. I'm screaming my ass off. Dear Lord, Please don't let me get raped. I can't even see their faces. What if I catch a disease? Boom! Boom! Boom!  "Get the Fuck off of her!!!!" I looked around in the darkness and saw nothing. I felt the grimy hands leave me, causing me to drop to the ground, which are being replaced by warm, strong hands. Tyreek. I stand up as I crush all my weight on him. I'm still shaking. I'm shaking to the point where I can barely stand by myself. He walks me silently to his car and we ride in silence. At this point I don't give a fuck where we go, as long as he doesn't leave me alone.                    Appreciated Tyreek I'm mad as fuck. Eventhough she is not my girl, I like her a lot and don't want anything bad to happen to her. I know where she lives, because when I hacked her phone her home address and WiFi settings connect to one address. Caffin Avenue a.k.a 9th Ward, New Orleans. As soon as I pull up, I realize that her sister is still not at home. We get out the car and she hands me the keys, because she is shaking so much. I unlock the door and set her bag inside. I come back out to pick her up. She points to lead the way to her bedroom. I lay her on the bed and went back downstairs to get her bag. When I came back up, she is against the wall with her eyes closed. I caught her right before she fell. "I'ma lock the door when I leave, okay?", I said, knowing that I don't want to leave.  She looked me in my eyes and I saw tears rolling down her face. "Don't leave me. Please.", she said. I kissed her. I had to.     Alexis     I felt his soft lips crash against mine, while he was wrapping my legs around him. He is a gentleman, forreal. I let him pick me up and bring me to the bed. I changed into a pajama t-shirt  and the matching underwear. He took off everything except his polo boxers and his nike socks. He turned off the lights and climbed in the bed with me. His huge arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer into him. I like him. He fell asleep, before I did. This let me be able to stare at him without freaking him out. Morals and Values Tyreek  I got up and saw that Alexis was still sleeping. I can't believe a nigga would try and rape her. I rode back to my house to get a few clothes, toothbrush, and stuff. I would take a shower at my house,but if I take too long and Alexis wakes up, who knows what she will do. I stopped at McDonald's to get us some breakfast. Luckily, I got back before she woke up. I took a shower and came back into the room to find her gone. I heard voices outside, so I peeked out the window and saw Alexis and her sister walking down the sidewalk. Alexandria was wearing a Sharks snapback while Alexis was repping Chicago bulls. They are the opposite in so many ways.  "I really like him and Tyreek probably doesn't even remember my fuckin name!", I heard Alexis yell to her twin. Alexandria looked at her and rolled her eyes. "You don't like him, you have way deeper feelings for him than just a like.", Alexandria said. "How do you know?" Alexandria looked back at her and smirked at her. "You'll see.", She said before hopping in the car and driving off, leaving Alexis standing there in confusion. I'm glad that we have mutual feelings for each other. I'm noticing that I have deep feelings for her, too. I want to shoot the fool who she was giving a lap dance to. I also want to kill the niggas that tried to rape her. I never felt protective of a girl before. I have feelings for her too. Alexis    As soon as I got into the house, I changed into something more comfortable. I changed into my red, white and black jordans that I wore yesterday and took off my shirt and pants and traded it in for a long jean jacket that stops just  below my ass. I felt hungry, so I headed for the stairs. I felt hands on my waist so I immediately stopped where I was and sat on the stairs. I looked up and saw Tyreek towering over me. He looked so fine in a white and black snapback with a white t-shirt and shorts and we are wearing the same exact shoes! "Where you going?", he asked playfully. He sat right behind me so his face was hovering over mine. "Nowhere.", I replied. He smiled at me. "Tyreek, I'm quitting stripping.",I revealed. He looked into my eyes. "Why?", he asked. I rolled my eyes. "I see how jealous you get and eventhough I'm not your girl, I don't want to be disrespectful to you when I know it hurts you. Because if a girl was on you I would flip.", I explained. He nodded, understandingly. "I was just gonna ask you about that." I looked up at him. "Ask me about stripping?" He shook his head. "Nah, when you was gonna admit that you wanna be my girl?",he asked me. "Whenever you want me to.",I replied. He bit his bottom lip. I leaned my head all the way back and kissed him. Now or Never.. Tyreek         It's been almost 3 days since I saw Alexis, because we had to go to New York to take care of some family bussiness. I have been thinking about Alexis like crazy. I bought her a diamond necklace, but I had to fight with her to take it. Eventhough it aggravates me, I know that she's not with me for the wrong reasons. "I rather work myself, than to depend on anyone for it.", she told me. And I respect that. I told her the day I come back, we going on a date at 9:30. I didn't tell her how to dress. This is a test to see how she will act if I bring her to Waffle House. Before I knew it, it was time to pick her up. She came out of the house looking casual but flawless at the same time.We both had on white t-shirts and jeans with white jordans. "Why is it that you wear the same thing that I wear?", I asked her as she got in the car. She looked at me in confusion and rolled her eyes. "This is a coincidence, last time it wasn't. You came to my house in my red, black and white Jordan's that I wore the night before.", I said. He laughed. "Whatever, Alexis." Alexis  Tyreek is fine as hell. We went into to Waffle House and some waiter was trying to flirt with Tyreek and I was getting mad. I went up to her, when I pretended to go to the bathroom, and told her about herself. She said sorry and we got a male waiter. After we finished eating, Tyreek dared me to do a handstand and kiss him. I did it and I made him do it.     Tyreek   As soon as we got back to Alexis house, she changed into shorts and a shirt and I changed into burgundy shorts, no shirt, with a matching snapback.  "I missed you so much. Don't leave me here like that again.", Alexis said. She was kissing me and she's a virgin. I know she not ready for this. "Alexis, you not ready.", I told her, trying my best not to get hard. "Why are you hard?", she asked. She pushed me back into the bed and climbed on top of me. She was kissing me and I can't hold it in anymore. I want her. Bad. Alexis       I missed him so much when he was gone. And it wasn't even for a week! I think I'm slowly falling in love with him, but I'll never tell him that. I won't look like a fool  when he tells me that he doesn't feel the same way about me. He let his hat roll off the bed as he got into the kiss. He reached for my baby oil on the dresser next to the bed. He then fished a Magnum out of his pocket. I kept kissing him eventhough we both knew that it was about to go down. I started to kiss him on his chest while he ripped off my shirt and tugged at my bra. After I was topless, I felt the baby oil all over me. He took off my shorts and panties in a nano-second. He started taking off his clothes, and he felt my body tense up. "If it's not what you wanna do then--", he started.  "I'm a virgin.", I told him as I looked him in the eyes.  "You want to do this?", he asked. I looked at him with all seriousness and nodded my head.  "It's now or never.", I said.   Last Month.... Alexis  It's been a month since I had sex with Tyreek and he has been the best boyfriend ever. I can't wait for summertime with him. We see each other a lot, but for only short periods of time. I just got over a horrible food poisoning. I was throwing up three times a day for like everyday. I need to get bikinis and stuff. Before we left for the beach, my older cousin, LaLa, spray painted our hair blonde. We looked exotic with our matching black and white swimsuits, eventhough my stomach still hurts. Alexandria   Marcus had to go on a family vacation and Tyreek has been going to New York a lot lately. Not only is that weird, but Alexis has been throwing up a lot lately and clucthing her stomach in pain. She said she had food poisoning, but no food poisoning lasts for a whole month. Something's up and I'm going to find out. "I see you staring at her. Don't worry, you not the only one who's suspicious. Just wait til we get back to the house to say something.", LaLa said. I nodded my head as I noticed that Alexis has disappeared once again to the bathroom. She can't be fucking. She can't be! After all she's a virgin and we can't have kids anyway. Well I know I can't due to a birth complication. If I can't have kids, then she can't! I mean we came out of the same exit, on the same day, the same way, and we have the same DNA! I just came out first. Alexis   My stomach is still having the after effects of the sickness. I'm in the bathroom throwing up today for the 3rd time! I don't think my sister and my cousin noticed. I'ma go home and sleep it off. LaLa (Twins' Cousin)   We were on the way home when I stopped at CVS pharmacy to pick up some stuff. I got out and picked up chips, a few drinks and a pregnancy test. I bought more drinks than chips because I want Alexis to pee on this stick tonight. I took the pregnancy tests out of the bag and put it in my purse after I bought it, so Alexis won't catch up to what I'm doing. We drove home and Alexandria and I hopped right in the shower, leaving Alexis to wait. This is good because when I get out, I can inform Alexandria while Alexis is still in the shower. Alexis    Both of them took a long time in the shower and I have to throw up again! Ughhh. "Both of us are done now.", Lala said, as she was coming down the stairs. Alexandria was not too far behind her and they were fully dressed. They might be going somewhere, but I don't even have the energy right now to bother them. I took a nice, soothing 30 minute shower. When I got out I quickly got dressed and went downstairs to see LaLa and Alexandria looking at some movie with chips and drinks. I sat down on the loveseat and started drinking every soda. I mean my throat is dry from throwing up all day.  Within a two-minute time frame I had to pee. "When you go to the bathroom, take this with you.", LaLa said to me as she handed me a bag. I nodded, not really paying attention. I closed and locked the bathroom door and opened the box.  Pregnancy Test. What the hell am I--- Oh Shit! I can't believe I never put that in the back of my head. I can't have kids, because Alexandria can't have any. I quickly peed on the test and paced around the room, waiting for my result. I sat it on the side of the counter. My anxiety is starting to get the best of me, because I'm once again, throwing up. I looked back and saw that the results were done. I'm too scared to read it. At this point, I didn't realize that the tv downstairs was no longer audible, I didn't realize that LaLa and Alexandria were at the door trying to get me to open it, I didn't realize anything  else except me sobbing and reading the lines that determined the 8-lettered word. Positive a.ka. Pregnant. Unbelievable Alexandria     Alexis has been crying for days and days, especially since Tyreek is not coming back until tonight. We went to the doctor's 4 days ago and found out that I can't have kids. Not her. I cleaned up the house and everything, so when Tyreek comes back, they will have their privacy. Alexis will have this whole house to herself unless she goes over there. She has 60 hours to tell him what the hell is going on. If she doesn't, I will. They a cute couple, so having a baby will just make them even closer. I hope. God did this for a reason. Alexis went down to the park on our street to chill and mentally prepare herself for tonight. Alexis   I went to sit on a bench to sort things out in my head. It kida chilly out, so I got dressed in jeans and a varsity jacket. I hope he doesn't call me a hoe. I just pray he doesn't wild out on me. I really don't feel like being on Maury in 9 months, well 8 months now. I sighed heavily and started walking back home and I felt arms wrap around my waist, pulling me into a hug from behind. Tyreek. "I missed you so much.", He said into my ear as he was biting it. "I missed you too.", I said as I broke into a smile. He spun me around so I was facing him. He looked sexy, as always. He crushed his lips against me, slightly sending me backwards. If it wasn't for his arms wrapping around me, then I would have fell on my ass. He had on a white Trukfit sweater with jeans and Jordans and of course, a snapback. Tyreek  I been missing this girl alot. I love her, I really do. I'm not going to tell her until she tells me. We walked into the house and Alexandria was packing clothes into the car. As she was reversing out of the driveway, she waved bye at us and gave Alexis a hard glare and Alexis nodded in return. What the hell is that all about? I'ma act like I didn't see that and ask Alexis about that later. I get to spend the whole weekend with my girl. I brought a bunch of clothes over and shit. I was going to break up with her because I thought she wasn't feeling me, but the way she is crying right now is real. "Don't ever leave me alone like that again. It's been a whole damn month.", She cried. I sat on her bed and smoked a quick blunt. She came over to me, laughing hard. She high already? I took off her jacket and she took off my shirt. I kissed her. I didn't see my girl in a long ass time, hell I'm ready to go! Magnum all in the back pocket. She kissed me back and cracked up again. She seemed to snap out her happy trance and left the room. Damn, did I ruin the mood? I found her downstairs on the sofa, crying. I just froze at the doorway. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry.", She sobbed into her knees. What the fuck is she talking about? "You're going to leave me now!", She cried.  I looked at her cautiously. What did she do? "Did you cheat on me?", I asked her. She shook her head. "That would be a little easier to deal with.",she said. "You have an STD?",I asked her. If she do, then it's a wrap. "No, I only fucked you. Unless you have something that you want to tell me about.", She said. I shook my head no. "Tell me, Alexis. Tell me everything.", I demanded. She looked up at me. "I'm pregnant.", She said. Yeah, Cheating would have been  easier to cope with. This is unbelievable. Askin All Dem Questions Alexis His facial expression went from aggravated, to doubt then to confusion. "How did you find out?", He asked me. I looked him in the eye. "I took a pregnancy test and then I went to the doctor.", I told him. He nodded. "What are you planning to do with the baby?", He asked. I shrugged. "Adoption, maybe?" Tyreek I'm shocked as hell right now. Alexis just looks lost for words at everything. I know she scared, because I am too. My Aunt was our caretaker when my brothers and I were little. My Dad and Uncle were Mobsters/Gangbangers and they still are while my mom ran off with another man. Eversince my mom left, my dad has been dating a lot of women to fill that void. I'm guessing that it's still not filled even with his sons here. I never was taught how to live as a proper family. I want to tell her what I'm thinking but I can't. Thinking of my parents and my upbringing makes me mad all over again. I can't do it no more. "I'm here to support you. I want to keep our kid.", I told her. She looked at me with a genuine smile on my face as if she was waiting on me to say that. "Look at my ultrasound picture.", She said as she shoved an envelope to me. You can barely see the baby, but you can tell that there's one in there. "There's my NBA star, right there.", I said. I'm going to love this kid more than life itself. -"My doctor said that the baby is as big as a lime right now.", She said, looking at the picture with me. "Are you really going to give my seed up?", I asked her. She looked at me with a seriousness. "It's just an option.", she replied. She looked down at the floor and avoided eye contact with me. I can't take this. My brothers and  family are at risk of dying, and Alexis is pregnant. I'm stressed to the max right now. I want to let her make her decision but when it comes to abortion, I have to say hell no to her. I won't sit around and watch her kill our baby. The Struggle Is Real Alexandria   Alexis has been a complete mess. Eversince She has told Tyreek, he has left to go who knows where. I feel so bad for her; I thought she was crying hard when she found out that she was pregnant, but now she cries three times a day. She doesn't even talk or nothing. Just showers, eat and sleep.  I went up to Tyreek and Tyrone's condo to find noone there. I had high hopes for Tyreek but it's just going downhill for her. I will be the aunt to a child who has a deadbeat dad. I thought Tyreek was better than that. I don't want to see my sister go through this by herself. "Alexandria, do you hate me?", Alexis said to me, stopping me in my train of thought. I looked at her with all sadness in my eyes, eventhough I tried to contain it. "I was jealous of the fact that you can have kids and I can't, but now I feel horrible. I feel bad that he left you. At least you have me.", I told her. She nodded as she smiled a bittersweet smile. "I'll be okay. I'm just scared." I turned to see her with tears rolling down her face. Tyreek will get it when he comes back. "Alexis, what will you be scared of?", I asked her.     Alexis       What will I be scared of? That's a good ass question. I'm thinking of being responsible for someone other than myself. I don't want Tyreek to leave me, though he already did. Alexandria is standing there looking at me like I'm helpless. I should have saw this coming. I should have. Now I'm going to be a teen single parent. I used to laugh at the girls when they be like: #TEAM_SINGLE!! on Instagram. I'll be like single is not a team, you are alone. I thought that shit was so funny then. It's not.  #THE_STRUGGLE_IS_REAL Publication Date: June 12th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-tweety96

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-me-lesbian-kicked-out/

Me :) Lesbian Kicked Out Chapter 1 My name is Avery Charlotte Summers. I recently graduated from high school and was kicked out of my parents house. My parents themselves kicked me out. You are probably wondering why would any parent kick their own daughter out of their house. Well, my parents have one simple answer: because I am gay. I always knew that my parents would kick me out once I graduated so I have been looking for a place to live when the time comes. I have been searching everywhere for months. I haven't found one place that was good enough. Most of the places I found had to be shared with someone else, a roommate. I needed a roommate though, I wouldn't be able to pay all of my debts otherwise. The problem was that the roommates were either dangerous, disgusting, just plain creepy, or something else. Once graduation day came closer and closer, I became really stressed. I had 10 days left to find a place to live. My parents said that they would pay for college but I decided that I'm not going because I don't need it. I will find a place to live and slowly make my way up until I am living my dream: owning a bakery in New York that makes french pastries only. I have always liked baking and french pastries are delicious, so that has been my dream since I was like 10 years old. You don't really need to go to college to learn how to cook. I already had a part-time job in a small bakery that didn't pay well but it was a start. In high school I was pretty popular and for two reasons. First reason was because I am a lesbian so that makes me different and people like it (don't ask me why), for the second reason, it was because I was hot. I have long black hair that is originally curly. I always have either purple or red highlights. I have gray eyes and a perfect body with flawless skin. I was captain of the cheer-leading squad and my best friend, Abigail, was co-captain. She's been my best friend since freshmen year. Abigail, a bit short and has long light brown hair with bleached tips. Her hair is originally and usually straight, she has light blue eyes and a great body. We were the two most popular girls in our school. Even though I was a lesbian and everyone knew it, the guys at my school were still all over me. I don't really know why. On the first day of high school (freshmen year), *flashback* I arrived a bit early so I could go to the secretary's office to get my schedule and all the other stuff I needed. I was walking towards the secretary's office when suddenly I bumped into something, no someone. It was a girl who was short and had long perfectly straight light brown hair. She fell to the ground when we bumped into each other. “Sorry, I-” we both said at the time and then laughed. “Here, let me help you up,” I said while holding my hand out to help her up. “Name's Avery." I said. “Abigail,” she replied as I helped her up. “I'm new here and I'm looking for the secretary's office. Do you know where it is?” “Actually, I'm also new here and looking for the secretary's office.” I said with a smile. “Well then Avery, we can look together.” she said with a friendly smile. I nod my head once to her and then we walked around the school looking for the secretary's office together. Once we finally found it, we got our schedules and our locker numbers and combinations. We ended up having almost all the same classes together and our lockers were right next to each other. That is how I first met Abigail and then we became best friends in no longer than a week. *end of flashback* Chapter 2 Today is graduation day and I finally found a good place to live just about three nights ago. The people who were already living there were looking for a new roommate probably because they couldn't afford rent. According to what I read, there were three people living there: Jordan, Taylor, and Riley. I checked out the place and it wasn't in a creepy or dangerous area so that checked off one of the problems of finding a place. Now I needed to go inside and meet the roommates. If that goes well, then I might end up living here. I went up to the red door with chipping paint and rang the doorbell that was on the left side. Someone opened the door in just a matter of seconds, it was a guy, a really cute guy. Yes, I am lesbian but this guy was like really really cute. He had blond hair and blue eyes, the typical dream guy. “Hi, you must be Avery.” he said, “Come in.” “Yup, that's me.” I answered back while going inside. I looked around the apartment. It was actually bigger than I thought it would be. “I am looking for Taylor, Jordan, or Riley.” I said politely with a smile. “I'm Riley, Taylor and Jordan aren't here at the moment but should be back soon.” he said. “Wait, you're Riley?” I said shocked and confused. Shit! I thought Riley was a girl, damn these freaking boy/girl names. Oh god, what if Taylor and Jordan are also guys! “Yes, I am Riley.” he said with a confused look on his face. “Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were a... guy.” I said awkwardly. “No, it's fine.” he said kindly. “I'm sorry, I've just been looking for a place to live for months now and I am graduating this Friday and my parents are kicking me out once graduation is over. I saw that you were looking for a roommate and the names were Jordan, Taylor, and Riley which I assumed were all girls... So here I am and now I realised that Riley is actually a guy. Are Jordan and Taylor... guys as well?” I asked kind of awkwardly. “Umm... yeah, sorry?” he answered. “Well, we actually knew that you were a girl and we don't mind, we just really need another roommate and it seems like you really need to find a place to live. So if you want I can show you around and then you can meet the other guys and see what happens.” he said with a smile. He was right, I really did need a place to live and I'm gay so I won't be really attracted to these guys. “Okay, show me around and we'll see what happens.” I said then smiled and he smiled back then gave me a tour around the place. The place was great, I would get my own room that was a perfect size, not too big and not too small. The only problem was the bathroom, I would have to share one with one of the guys. I guess I will if I really have to. Once we finished the tour we were in the living room. We sat down on the couch and talked. Riley was a nice guy, he wasn't dangerous or disgusting or creepy like some of the other people I met, he was actually a nice guy. I just need to meet the others. “So what do you think?” Riley asked. “It's great but-” I started to say but I heard a door open and it cut me off. “That's probably Taylor and Jordan.” Riley said. Two really hot guys walked in the room. Yes, once again, I am a lesbian but these guys were pretty damn hot, like really really hot. “Hey Riles, who's the hot girl?” the guy one the left said. He had dark brown hair and light brown eyes. “I didn't know you could get chicks like that Riley.” the other guy said who had light brown hair and green eyes. “Shut up guys!” he practically yelled while he stood straight up. “This is Avery.” he said calmly. “Oh yeah, shit, sorry.” the guy on the left said and the other guy didn't say anything. “Idiots,” Riley said under his breath. “Well, I already gave her a tour of the place and now we just need to talk and stuff.” he said. “Okay, cool,” the guy on the left said. He then walked up to and said “I'm Taylor,” he held out his hand for me to shake it, I shook his hand. “So you must be Jordan.” I said gesturing at the other guy. “Yup, that's Jordan.” Riley answered. “Okay then... So I have a question, were you guys intentionally trying to get a hot girl to move in?” I asked. “Of course not.” Riley answered. “But it's a plus.” Taylor added. “Shut up Taylor.” Riley said. We talked about what would happen if I moved in, like I would have to pay part of rent and stuff like that. We also got to know one and another but Jordan rarely said anything. He seems like a total ass but I wouldn't really know because I only heard him say a few sentences. “So do you want to move in?” Riley asked me. “I'm not sure. Can I get back to you?” “Yeah, okay, I'll give you my number and you can call me.” Riley said nicely. “I'll give you my number too!” Taylor practically yelled, I laughed. “Yeah, okay.” I passed my phone to Riley for him to put his number in and he put Taylor's number at the same time. “I'll call you tomorrow, okay?” I said while slowly walking towards the door. “Sure” Riley answered. “Well, I gotta go. I can show myself out, bye!” I said and then left. It was now 4:23pm and my shift at the bakery starts at 5:00pm. I quickly go home and go up to my room. I tie my hair up then fix some of my make-up then let my hair down again. I grabbed my work clothes and put it in my purse along with my phone. I walked out of my house and went to the bakery. Once I got there it was 4:50pm so I went to the bathroom and changed into my work clothes in one of the bathroom stalls. I got out of the stall and tied my hair up into a pony tail. I put all my stuff in my purse and exited the bathroom. It was now exactly 5:00pm and I was ready to work. Today I was working the cashier so I put my purse on a shelf under the cash register and worked my shift. I have been working extras hours since I will be having to pay my own bills and rent in a few days. Today I worked until 7:30pm. Once I finished my shift, I grabbed my purse and went to the bathroom to change back into my original clothes. I changed then let my hair down and left the bakery. I went straight home then up to my room. I took a nice, long, and hot shower and washed my long black curly hair that currently had purple highlights. Once I got out of the shower I put on a pair of gray shorts and a blue tank top. I went downstairs to the kitchen to find myself something to eat. I looked through the fridge and found some leftover spaghetti & meatballs. I put it in the microwave and poured myself a cup of Coca-Cola while it was heating up. I took a sip of my drink and then the microwave 'beeped' . I got my food and my drink and went back upstairs to my room. I sat on my bed and took a big bite of my spaghetti. I grabbed my phone from my purse and texted Abigail.   Me: Hey Ab! So I think I finally found a place! There is just one slight problem, maybe two.   Abigail: Hey Av! Tell me, tell me, tell me!!! What is the prob???   Me: Well, 1st of all: when I found out about the place it said that 3 ppl were already living there and they needed a new roommate. The names of the ppl were Jordan, Taylor, and Riley. So 3 girls, but I was so totally wrong. Jordan, Taylor and Riley are guys.   Abigail: Damn girl! That was a stupid mistake.   Me: I know, but they don't mind. Plus I'm gay so it doesn't really matter.   Abigail: Did u tell them that u are a lesbian?!?!   Me: No... It didn't come up...   Abigail: Well, if u didn't tell them then they think u are a hot chick that is moving into their apartment. Of course they wouldn't freaking mind!!! They are guys!!! Wait a sec... Are they hot???   Me: Well, Riley is a blond with blue eyes, super cute and super nice. If I weren't gay, I would so date him. Taylor, dark brown hair light brown eyes and really really hot. He's funny but seems like a player. Jordan, light brown hair, green eyes. He is the hottest person ever but is a total ass...   Abigail: Why do the hot guys always end up being total asses... :(   Me: I don't know Abi, I don't know...  Well, there is one other problem...   Abigail: What is it???!!!   Me: I would have to share a bathroom with one of them...   Abigail: U can't do that! Not unless one of them is gay!   Me: Well, I don't know. I don't really have a choice, graduation is in 2 days!   Abigail: Yeah, yr right. U better invite me over tho, a lot!!! I am not a lesbian so I would gladly sleep with   each and every one of ur roommates. ;D   Me: Oh god, plz don't.   And that was when I decided I was going to move in with 3 guys I barely knew.     [: Please add to your faves and comment what you think so far. :] Chapter 3 On graduation day, my parents didn't even bother to show up. I stayed out the whole night partying with friends. It was mostly the cheer-leading squad and the football team. I came home at like 4am completely wasted. A guy on the football team had to take me home because I couldn't drive or even walk for that matter. He somehow knew where I lived and dropped me off. I tried to get out of the car by myself but failed. I pretty much fell to the ground like a baby trying to walk for the first time. The football jock had to carry me into my house and up to my bedroom. He put me down carefully on my bed and kissed my forehead. That was the last thing I remember from that night. I woke up the next morning still in my dress from the party last night. I also had a massive hangover. It felt like my brain was trying to escape from my skull. I looked on my bedside-table for my phone but found a note instead. It said “Hey Avery, I hope you're doing okay. Here's my phone number if you need anything or just want to talk. ********** I hope to see you soon. -James” “Okaaay, weird...” I mumbled to myself. I found my phone under the note and checked the time. It was 1:35pm. Damn it! I have to move out by 3:30pm and have to be finished moving in before 5:00pm because I have another work shift. I got out of bed and took a shower. Once I finished my shower I wrapped a towel around my body and blow dried my hair. Once it was dry enough, I straightened it and put it into a ponytail. I grabbed a pair of pink panties and a matching bra. I put on a pair of denim shorts and a white graphic tee that was see-through enough to see my bra. I went back to the bathroom and put on my make-up. Once I was done, I started packing up my last few things. I have been slowly packing for weeks and I only had a few things left. Once I finished, I text Abigail.   Me: Hey Abi? Are u sober enough to help me move in to the apartment? I can't exactly walk over there with 20 boxes... Abigail: Sorry Av, I am still completely hungover and I have no idea where I put my car last night. Me: Ok, well, good luck. ;) Abigail: U too! :)   Ugh... How am I meant to get all of my stuff to the apartment. I plopped down onto my bed. What the... I sat on something, I reached under my butt and felt a paper. It was the note from the football jock that took me home last night. “Here's my phone number if you need anything” maybe he could help me move in. No, would that be weird? Maybe, but maybe... I didn't even know his name before this morning. You know what, who cares. I'm gonna call him, maybe I should just text him... No, I'll call. *Dialing number* *Phone rings x3*   James: Hello? Me: Hey, um... it's Avery. James: Oh, hey. So, how are you doing so far? Me: Well, I still have a really bad hangover and I have a busy day ahead of me. I have to move out of my parents house and move into to another place within 2 hours but I don't have a car. So I was wondering if- James: Yeah, of course. Me: Really?! James: Yeah, anything for my favorite girl. Me: Thank you so much! And your favorite girl? James: Yes, my favorite girl and I'll be there in 5 mins. Me: Okay, well, see ya. James: Bye. Me: Bye.   *Hangs up* I smiled to myself then started bringing some of the lightest boxes downstairs. I left the heavy ones upstairs for James to bring down because I really wouldn't be able to. I waited outside for James. He was driving into the driveway within seconds. He got out of his car, “Hey Avery,” James said while walking towards me. “Hey,” I said back with a friendly smile. “So where are all your stuff?” he asked. “Some of it is right inside but some of it is still upstairs 'cause it's too heavy.” I answered then lead him inside. We put all the boxes that were already downstairs into the car afterwards, we went upstairs and he put all the heavier boxes into the car. While he was doing that I doubled checked every single drawer and shelf, under my bed, in the bathroom for anything that I forgot. I walked around the room but then tripped over a floorboard that was slightly sticking out. Oh my god! I remember when I was like 12 years old, I hid all my important or special stuff under this floorboard. I pulled the loose floorboard up and put it next to me. Inside of the hole I found old pictures and toys. I also found an apron that I used to always wear when I would bake. I stuck my hand inside to see if I missed anything else and I felt some sort of paper. I pulled it out and it was an envelope. I opened it and it had $300 inside of it. Chapter 4   I don't remember getting all this money. Oh wait, I remember! I was starting to save up money to open my own bakery. Some of this money was from my monthly allowance, some of it from a few bets that I won, and some of it was birthday/Christmas money. I quickly closed the envelope and wrapped my apron around it. I put everything that I found in a shoe box that I found in my closet. I grabbed my purse and went downstairs. I didn't see anymore boxes so I think that James packed all of them in the car. I went outside and closed the front of the house. I walked over to the car and stuffed the shoebox inside of one of the other boxes. “That was the last one.” James said to me while closing the trunk to his car. “Well, let's go then!” I said. I went into the passenger's seat and James closed the door for me. He walked over to the driver's seat then started the car. “So how come you are moving out so fast?” James asked. “My parents kicked me out. They said I would have to leave after I graduate from high school.” I answered back emotionless. “Why?” he asked curiously. “For one simple reason: because I'm a lesbian.” I said harshly. “Oh, I'm sorry.” he said softly. “It's not your fault.” I said. We were quiet for a while but then James realised he had no idea where he was supposed to go now. “Umm... Where are we going now?” James asked. “Oh, sorry. Umm... Turn right at the next traffic light then right again then left.” I answered back. Once we got there, I rang the doorbell and Jordan answered the door. All he said to me was 'Hey', I told you that he was a total ass. I walked in and saw Riley and Taylor sitting on the couch watching TV. I said 'Hey' and then they both turned around, ran up to me and hugged me. Everyone helped to bring all my boxes to my room. It was now 4:15pm and we finally finished putting all my boxes of crap into my new room. I said bye and thank you to James and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Once he left, Taylor and Riley both went straight up to me. “Is he your boyfriend?” they both asked at the same time. I laughed at them because for one, they are ridiculous and for two, I am gay. Oh wait, they don't know that. Shit! Do I tell them now? Maybe I should. “Well... Is he!?” they both said at the same time again. I'm not gonna tell them, not yet anyways. I'm gonna have some fun with this. “Who, James? Nah, I'm completely single boys,” I said to them with a wink. “Well, gotta go to work soon. Can one of you guys take me?” I asked in a flirtatious voice. “I'll take you!” Taylor yells. I laughed at him. “You don't have a car,” Riley said to Taylor. “Idiot.” Riley said under his breath, I laughed at that. “The only one out of us guys who have a car is Jordan.” Riley told me. Ugh! I don't want Jackass Jordan to take me to work. “Okay, I'll walk or take a cab then.” I said then went to my room. Jordan didn't even say 'No, it's fine. I'll take you.' or anything like that. Ugh, he is such an ass! I looked through my box of clothes and found my work clothes and stuffed it in my purse. I was running late so I went straight out the door and yelled 'Bye!' before closing it behind me. I arrived to the bakery at 4:49pm, I arrived earlier then expected. I assumed that I was going to be late so I pretty much ran the whole way. I went into a bathroom stall and changed into my work clothes, by the time I finished, I still had a few minutes left so I tied my hair up into a ponytail and fixed my make-up. I was working as waitress today, I am rarely behind the counter and working with all the cakes and pastries. I worked my shift and went home. When I arrived, I didn't see or hear anyone so I went to my room, grabbed a white tank top and purple short-shorts that were the same color as the highlights in my hair. That reminds me, I need to change my highlights. I'll do it tomorrow. I also grabbed a pair of panties and a bra and go to the bathroom. I locked the door just in case one of the guys tried to get in. I turned the shower on and stripped my clothes off. I got into the shower and let the warm water soothe my soft skin. I washed my hair and body then rinsed off. I stayed in the shower for about 5 extra minutes then turned the water off and got out. I wrapped a towel around my body and looked at myself in the mirror. “Your life is changing. You are not the most popular girl in school anymore- hell, you don't even go to school anymore. You graduated high school and out of your shitty parents' house. You live with 3 hot guys and have a new friend who is also a hot guy. You are still a lesbian and you are proud. You are also being really weird and talking to yourself in front of a mirror in the second person.” I said to myself. “Avery, who are you talking to?” someone asked from behind the bathroom door. I am pretty sure that it was Riley. “No-one.” I answered back and quickly put my clothes on and walk out of the bathroom. I started walking towards my room but I pass by Jordan's door on the way and see him shirt-less on his bed making out with some blond chick. I quickly looked away and walked fast away and to my room. I closed my door behind me. I realised that my hair was still wet and dripping down my back so I looked around my room for a box labeled 'Bathroom Supplies'. I finally found it and looked through it for my hair dryer. I blow dried my hair then brushed it out. Once I finished, my stomach growled. I guess I was hungry. I grabbed my phone and started texting Abigail while walking towards the kitchen. As I walked passed Jordan's room, I see that his door is now closed and I can hear loud moans coming from behind it. I shrugged and keep walking and texting.   Me: Hey Abi! I'm all moved in! :D Abigail: Hey Av! Yay! So when can I come? ;) Me: I'm not working tomorrow so u can come. :) Abigail: Yay! But I don't know where the place is... :/ Me: Oh yeah... rite... umm, meet at school for old time's sake? Abigail: Ok! :) What time? Me: Umm, I don't know. Abigail: Ask the guys if they have any plans tomorrow and if they do then ask them when. Me: Ok, hold on.   I walked into the kitchen and saw Riley and Taylor. “Hey there, sexy new roommate,” Taylor said. “Hey, there's my favorite girl who I think was talking to herself in the bathroom earlier.” Riley said afterwards and lifted an eyebrow. “Taylor, right back at ya,” I said with a wink, “Riley, I was NOT talking to myself and what is with people calling me their favorite girl today? Now what's for dinner?” I said. “Frozen pizza.” they answered back at the same time. I let out a small laugh. “Okay, so I have a question. Do you guys have plans tomorrow?” I asked. “I'll cancel anything for you, babe.” Taylor said. “I have some... stuff I need to do.” Riley said. “Okaaay, I am gonna ignore the pause you had between some and stuff in that answer Mr. Riley and thank you Taylor. So Riley, when do you have to do your... “stuff” and when will you be done?” I asked. “Why? What do you want?” Riley asked me. “Whoa, calm down. I don't want anything. My friend Abigail wants to come over and see the place.” I answered. “Is she hot?” Taylor asked right away. “What, I'm not hot enough for you?” I said to Taylor. “Well, you are plenty hot, baby. But still, is she hot?” Taylor asked again. “You'll have to find out yourself, big boy.” I said to Taylor. “Oh, and since we're talking about hot girls, who's the chick in Jordan's room? Girlfriend or slut?” I asked. “Slut.” Riley and Taylor both said at the same time. “Do you guys always answer questions at the same time?” I asked with a laugh. “No.” they both said at the same time once again. “Yeah, okay. So, when will you be done with your stuff, Mr. Riley?” I asked Riley. I don't why I kept calling him 'Mr. Riley.' I hoping for more of a sexy kind of thing but it actually sounded really... weird. “Stop calling me that, and probably around 3:30 – 4:00pm.” Riley said. “Sorry,” I said like a little girl caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. “Now one of you make me dinner!” I commanded. “Hell no!” they both said. “Please!” I begged with puppy dog eyes. “Okay, fine.” Riley finally said. “Yay!” I yelled then went over to the living room while texting Abigail back.   Me: So Taylor (hot guy #2), doesn't have plans/ Riley (cute/nice guy) has plans but is free by 4:00pm/ Jordan (hot guy #1/ total ass) no idea. Abigail: Why didn't u ask Jordan??? He is the hottest one and I want to see his hotness!!! Me: Well, I didn't ask him because he is currently having sex some blond chick in his room. Abigail: Oh... Me: Exactly. So we can meet up around noon and eat lunch together hang out then go to my place hang with the guys eat dinner (probably order pizza or something) and u can stay the night? Abigail: Sure! But I might not stay the night in your bed. ;) Me: Ok but pls tell me who u are gonna do B4 u do them so I can stay away from that room. Abigail: So, school at 12:30 tomorrow??? Me: Yup.:) Abigail: Yay! :D Me: c ya tomorrow :) <3 Abigail: c ya tomorrow ;) <3   “Avery! Your frozen pizza isn't frozen anymore!” Riley yelled. “Okay! I'm coming!” I yelled back. “Well, hurry up or it's gonna get frozen again!” he yelled back at him. “Calm down, I'm here.” I said while entering the kitchen. “Oh, sorry. Here's your pizza. You're welcome.” he said sliding the plate across the table and towards me. “Thank you, Mr. Riley,” I said and went up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Hey! Why don't I get a kiss?” Taylor yells. “Because you didn't want to make my pizza, Mr. Taylor.” I said to him while going back to my seat and taking a bite of my pizza. Mr. Taylor sounds so much better than Mr. Riley. I need to find a good nickname for Riley. Umm... I'll just keep calling him different things until I find the perfect one. “Hey cook!” I said while looking at Riley. “I prefer ' chef ' ,” he answered back with a smile. “Okaaay, weird but okay. Hey chef!” I yelled again. “What do you want?” he said. “A drink, preferably Coca-Cola, please.” I said with a big smile showing my perfect teeth. “If I get you a drink, do I get a kiss?” Taylor asks hopefully. “Maybe, maybe not.” I say and wink at him. “Do I get another kiss if I get the drink?” Riley asks. “Maybe, maybe not.” I say again. “But can one of you just get me a drink?” I asked. Riley ended up getting me my drink because he was standing next to the fridge (he didn't get a kiss on the cheek). I finished my pizza and went back to my room. I grabbed my laptop and went on Facebook. 7 notifications, no messages, and 3 friend requests. Friend requests first! Taylor, confirm. Riley, confirm. James, confirm. Notification, liked my photo, liked my photo, like my photo, commented on my photo, tagged in a photo, liked my photo, and commented on my photo. Who tagged me in a photo? *click* Graduation picture, oh. Comments on my photo? *click* “Beautiful ;)” from Abigail and “Pretty <3” also from Abigail. I comment “Thanks Abi” back and one has a winking smiley and the other has a heart. I go on YouTube and play some music then go back to Facebook. Who is online? Don't care about him, don't care about her, don't care about her, don't care about him, don't care about her, James.   Me: Hey James! :) J ames: Hey :) Me: I just wanted to say thank you for helping me again :) James: No prob ;) So, when can I see you again? Me: I don't know, u can come over tomorrow if u want. Abigail's coming and we're all gonna eat dinner together. James: Yeah, sure. What time? Me: 6 or 7pm is fine. :) James: Ok, I'll be there. :) Me: Yay! Well, c ya tomorrow. ;) James: C ya tomorrow, my favorite girl. ;)   Then he was offline. I closed my laptop and laid back on my bed. It was only 10:40pm now, so I wasn't tired. I decided to start unpacking my stuff. I started with a few of my clothes, then essential stuff like make-up and chargers. Afterwards, I put up a few pictures and posters around the room. Most of the pictures were of me and Abigail, the posters I put up were mostly famous people or movie posters. I had one big poster of the Eiffel Tower which I got for my 16th birthday, I always have it hung over my bed frame. By the time I finished, it was passed midnight. I went towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. On the way there, I passed by Jordan's door which was back open. He was sitting on his bed with his computer on his lap. As I passed his door, we made slight eye contact so I decided to say something. “Hey,” I said while walking towards his door. “Hey,” he said back but was looking down at his computer. “So, umm... my friend Abigail is coming over tomorrow. We were planning to eat dinner here with all you guys and I also told James that he could come. Do you have plans?” I said while leaning against his door frame and not entering his room. “Who's James?” he asked still looking down at his computer. “The guy who was here earlier and helped me move in.” I said to him. “Oh yeah, right.” he said and didn't even look at up once. “Do you have any plans?” I asked getting annoyed. “No.” he answered simply. I can't believe how much of an ass this guy is. I didn't do anything to him so why is he so rude to me? Ugh, it just annoys me so freakin' much! “Are we done here?” he asked finally looking up at me. “Uh, yeah.” I said and started to turn around to go back to the bathroom. “Wait, no.” I said turning back around and looking straight at him. “What is your problem with me?” I practically yelled. “You know what, I don't give a fuck. You don't have to eat dinner with us tomorrow. Go ahead and stay at one of your, I'm guessing many sluts' houses.” I yelled in anger and annoyance then turned around and headed towards the bathroom again. I got to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face to cool me off. I brushed my teeth then went back to my room. As I passed Jordan's room, I saw that his door was closed. I laid back on my bed and fell asleep.   4/4/16   [: New update! It's proabably been about a year since I've posted those two first chapters, so here it is, a new update and there is more to come, tell me what you think, give me some feedback, and I'll post the next chapter. :] Publication Date: December 18th 2016 https://www.bookrix.com/-yu84f4a13c12835

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-j-c-laird-you-get-what-you-pay-for/

J. C. Laird You Get What You Pay For BookRix GmbH & Co. KG 81371 Munich You Get What You Pay For   YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR       Adam hadn’t been this jumpy since Wendy Ward asked him to the Sadie Hawkins Dance at Hoover High back in the ninth grade. Then again, he had been as nervous as a dog in a thunderstorm when he and Wendy married nine years later. Tonight, he was on the verge of sheer panic. He looked in the bathroom mirror, squared his shoulders and peered critically at the length of his conservative brown tie; it hung an inch below his beltline, an acceptable distance. He had already re-tied it three times to get it just right. The plain, gold tie-bar holding it to his shirt was perfectly horizontal. The pale yellow, long-sleeve dress shirt still hid his slight potbelly and the thickening of his waistline, his “love handles.” Adam leaned forward and peered at the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, the loosening of the skin at his neck, the weak chin, his thinning sandy hair, and receding hairline. The eyes staring back at him, now faded and washed out, had once been a bright and penetrating blue. His right one was slightly bloodshot, but no amount of Murine would fix that. And the headache was only a nagging twinge tonight. Adam took a step back and evaluated his image again. He was 58 years old, and all things considered, he was not an ugly man. He was still in decent shape and if he remembered to take Wendy’s advice to “stand up straight and not to stoop,” clocked in at over six feet tall. But he had to remember things on his own now since Wendy was gone... Adam looked at his watch, paced out into the luxurious master bedroom and checked the clock on the dark, mahogany nightstand and compared the times; they corresponded, 7:45 p.m. He had fifteen minutes left. He walked into the expansive living room and sitting area, still in awe of the spacious 1525 sq. ft. Cypress Suite he had decided on booking. He lifted his dark-brown suit coat off the back of a chair, put it on and tugged, pulled, smoothed, and adjusted. He continued fidgeting and scurried over to the large picture window overlooking the front of the Bellagio Hotel and Casino. From thirty-four stories up he couldn’t discern much; the cars were like toys and the bustling people ant-sized figures in the early evening twilight. The hotel’s vast array of neon lights would soon substitute for Mother Nature. Adam jammed his hands in his pockets. He was as nervous as “a whore in church,” as the old saying went. He laughed without humor at his inadvertent wit. How had he gotten talked into this? It was his friends—the good ol’ boys—at the Elks Lodge who had pushed him to this point. No…, of course, it wasn’t, there was a lot more at play here than something stemming from a few beers with the guys. They had commiserated with him numerous times during his wife’s long illness and had shared more than a few drinks with him after her death. Later, they had continued to encourage him to get him back into the social scene. After that, many more were tipped in silence once the doctors had confirmed Adam’s medical test results. Originally, this had been his best friend Pete’s idea, an achingly irresistible idea for Adam, and… well… here he was. Another glance at the clock, 7:55. Maybe she was running late, maybe she would not show up at all. Now, he had to pee. He hurried to the bathroom, relieved himself, washed his hands, and paused again in front of the mirror for another check. Back in the living room, he stared at his watch, 8:00, on the money. When the soft knocking sounded at the door, Adam jumped, dreading but expecting it. Panicked, he briefly considered ignoring the gentle rapping, scrapping the whole idea. Instead, he took a deep breath, licked his lips and ran his hands down the front of his suit, smoothing out non-existent wrinkles while drying sweaty palms. He opened the door. Adam’s nervousness vanished as his mind turned to mush. He no longer worried about what to say as the power of speech fell by the wayside. He was also unaware he was gaping, bug-eyed at the vision in the hallway. Adam was struck dumb; she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen but describing her as only beautiful was like saying the Great Wall of China was only a fence. His Wendy had been a short, petite blue-eyed blonde and, as her illnesses progressed, had gradually wasted away before death claimed her. He’d felt guilty when the escort service returned his call. Adam had told the lady on the phone he wanted a young, attractive woman, tall and dark-complexioned. The caller must have been a psychic. And more. In her late twenties or early thirties, the dream standing in front of him had to be six feet tall in her high heels. His first impression was that of a light-skinned black woman, but something about her facial features hinted at Hispanic. Then again, the shape of the eyes suggested a dash of Asian or Hawaiian, eyes that were so dark as to be almost ebony. Jet-black hair pulled away from her face and clipped in the back with a pearl clasp accented a slim neck, joining bare shoulders marred only by the spaghetti straps of her red evening gown. A dress whose fabric clung to the curves and contours of her body, from her full bodice to her narrow waist, to the erotic flair of her hips, to the long length of her legs. Simple white pearls adorned her neck, matched by a set of tasteful pearl studs at her ears. A white lace shawl hung loosely from her arms, draped down to her waist. It was as if the woman had walked off the pages of Elle Magazine, suggesting a promise of things to come from Victoria’s Secret… Adam had been oblivious to the fact that the exotic, mocha-hued woman had been talking. Now, as the initial shock of seeing her was wearing off, words were filtering through. “... Mr. Anderson… Mr. Adam C. Anderson…? Excuse me, sir; this is room 3426, correct?” She was smiling through full red lips and perfect white teeth, but now the smile reflected a tinge of concern. He gulped, took in some air as he resumed breathing. “I’m sorry... yes, I’m Adam Anderson… and you must be…?” “Gabriella Marguerite Duchene. I know, I know, a real mouthful. All my friends call me Gabby.” She held out her hand. “You can call me Gabby.” Adam shook her hand, a hand firm and cool. “Please come in Ms. Duchene… I mean Gabby.” He almost swooned as she brushed by him in a light draft of delicate perfume, the eddying currents of air carrying the subtle essence of roses in the early morning dew. Inside, she stood facing him, her smile still full and warm. “Mr. Anderson…” “Adam, please.” “Adam. I assume you’re aware of the escort fees?” He had it memorized. “Yes, $1,000 an hour, $5,000 for the evening, $10,000 for the night.” “And?” Her expression was appraising. He gulped self-consciously, “The whole… uh… night, $10,000,” he stammered. Adam pulled out a cashier’s check and thrust it at her. “You can fill in the name… please.” He wiped his moist hand on the front of his suit coat. Without looking at it, she slipped it into her small, red handbag. She smiled warmly. “Well, Adam, what do you have in mind? Where would you like to go—a show, dinner, a little gambling? Or would you like to stay here?” Her expression was open and engaging. Adam was still a little pole-axed looking at her, was still on edge and uncomfortable. Dinner and a few drinks might help him relax, postponing the inevitable. “Ah… believe it or not, it’s my first time in Las Vegas. I have no idea where to go. And it’s my first time with… ah… um…” Blushing, Adam let the thought die. Gabby smiled and continued, “Okay, Adam, leave it to me. I think we can get into the Venetian for the 9:00 pm show of ‘The Blue Man Group’—I have connections—and they have several great restaurants on site.”   Gabby did, indeed, get them into the show. Laughing and clapping throughout, she seemed to delight in the comedy routines. Her wide-eyed fascination was almost childlike and certainly disarming. Although Adam found the comedic skits enjoyable, he was unable to fully relax. The exotic woman’s nearness was almost paralyzing. She seemed to suck the air out of the room, creating a vacuum in which only they existed. She would occasionally touch his arm or hand in a relaxed camaraderie, and twice lay her head on his shoulder, her perfume torturing him with future promises. By the time the show ended, Adam found his nervous tension rising like a swelling tsunami. Instead of the comedy show relaxing him, he was again on the verge of panic. His heart was pounding in his chest and he kept swallowing compulsively. He was debating about bolting and running out on the whole thing, but his inner turmoil took too long to resolve. The next thing he knew they were sitting in the Canaletto Restaurant. The Italian/Venetian restaurant’s lavish, Renaissance décor, sixteen-foot ceilings, hardwood floors, and its exhibition kitchen helped ease Adam’s discomfort. Their table had a view of the Grand Canal outside with the occasional passing gondola. It was enchanting and romantic. Adam had noticed at the show and, even more so now in the restaurant, the subtle, but envious and sometimes leering looks he and Gabriella were getting from the men, and even several women. He realized that a few might assume anyone as beautiful as she had to be bought and paid for being with someone like him. But Adam didn’t care; he was grateful to have Gabby draped on one arm as they came and went. Her devotion to him was singular and undivided. She acted as if he were the only person worthy of her attention. Adam’s eyes glazed over as he scanned the menu, most of which were in Italian. Gabby looked at him, musing, a forefinger tapping her lip in thought, one eye squinting at him appraisingly. “I bet you’re a meat and potatoes man and, I’d guess... um… medium-well on preparing the meat?” “Yes, I suppose I am, and correct on the medium-well, too.” She continued, “I speak a little Italian, and since this was my idea, would you like me to order for both of us?” Adam’s sheepish grin turned into a grateful smile. “That’s okay with me.” One glance from Gabriella and the white-clad Maître d’ glided over to their table. Gabby launched into seemly fluent Italian. The waiter nodded and smiled in approval, replying and asking questions in equally unintelligible Italian. Adam listened, open-mouthed. When she finished, and the waiter had gone, it was her turn to grin self-consciously. “Okay, so I know more than a little Italian.” “I’m almost afraid to ask, what are we eating?” Adam asked, ignoring her confession. “For me, ‘branzino al sale o alla griglia,’ which translates to Mediterranean sea bass, under a salted crust.” Abby winked, pointed at Adam, and continued, “And for you big guy, ‘costata di manzo,’ akin to a grilled, bone-in 22-ounce rib-eye with roasted potatoes. For dessert, we’ll be looking at ‘tiramisu al cuchiaio,’ an Italian custard thingy that’s to die for. Also, the sommelier is bringing us a bottle of ’06 Barolo Serralunga, an excellent wine which should go well with both our entrees.” Despite Gabby’s easy banter, Adam couldn’t relax, fidgeting with his napkin and rearranging his silverware. She reached across and took his hand. “Hey, loosen up, there’s nothing to be nervous about.” He laughed, more than a little self-conscious. “Right. I’m in a strange place, sitting with the most beautiful woman on the planet, with everyone staring at us, doing things I’ve never done before, facing a night of… well… it’s been so long I’m afraid that I… and… you might think that… um… well…,” he stammered to a stop, his face growing hot. She squeezed his hand. “Okay, so tell me why you’re doing this. Obviously, this is the first time you’ve been…” her smile widened... “with an ‘escort,’ and I’m guessing that a thousand-dollar-an-hour hooker wouldn’t normally be within your budget either. So, why?” Adam took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through pursed lips. She seemed so warm, so genuinely concerned, it was hard to believe she was acting this way only because of the money. But what did he have to lose? Other than his drinking buddies at the Elks, he had never talked to anyone else about it, let alone a woman—any woman. He rushed on before he could second guess himself. “My wife, Wendy, and I were high school sweethearts, marrying right after we graduated from college; we were both twenty-four. We never had any children and found out later that Wendy had a ‘bifurcated’ uterus. Several operations failed to correct it, so we resigned ourselves to never having children.” He rambled on for several more minutes before stopping. He took a nervous sip of wine before continuing. “Wendy’s health problems started in her mid-thirties. By age forty-two she was diagnosed with Sclera Derma and Renaud’s Syndrome, by forty-eight with Multiple Sclerosis. Her auto-immune system was severely compromised. I retired from my job as a history teacher at Hoover High School to help take care of her. Fortunately, I had my twenty-five years in and received a full pension and retiree medical benefits for myself and Wendy.” The waiter arrived with their dinner, and the next few minutes were occupied with readying themselves for their meal, conversation limited to trivial, food-related topics. Gabriella had not commented on the earlier, one-sided conversation. Now, cutting into her fillet, she looked at him, her smile warm. “Please, Adam, go on, about you and Wendy.” Adam couldn’t return the smile. He took several deep breaths, unable to get enough air, his appetite waning. “There’s not a whole lot left to say. She deteriorated gradually, and the last several years she was in a wheelchair. Soon, I had to hire someone to help me with her and, even then, had to put her in an assisted living home for the last year. I visited her every day. Wendy died almost a year ago.” Again, Gabby reached across the table and touched his hand. “I’m so very sorry, Adam.” They finished their meal in silence. While waiting for their tiramisu to arrive, Gabby pressed on. “You never answered my question, Adam.” He stared at her, confused. “Why are you here, why are you doing this?” Adam averted his eyes, blushing. “Wendy was too sick to… because of her illness, she didn’t want to, she couldn’t…” He fumbled with his napkin. “… I… I haven’t… um… I haven’t been with a woman… in 12 years.” He expected the charming prostitute to laugh in scorn, to joke or ridicule. Instead, she was staring at him, deep in thought. Several seconds passed before she leaned forward, grinned, and whispered, “Well, now I know why you’ve been looking at me like a starving man in front of a buffet table.” Adam thought if that were the case, every man in the restaurant was suffering from severe malnutrition. But Gabby was continuing. “You’re trying to tell me you were never with another woman during those 12 years? Not once? Never sought solace or comfort, never cheated on your wife? I mean, it certainly would have been understandable.” “I loved my wife; I took our wedding vows seriously. Sure, I was tempted many times, but no… I never did.” Gabriella accepted this unusual confession without argument. “Well, Mr. Anderson, that certainly puts you in a rare category, a definite minority among men.” Every time she leaned forward to take his hand, her cleavage breathtakingly deepened. Her smile took on a mischievous look as his eyes gravitated to the swell of her breasts and the bare expanse of her upper chest and shoulders. His starving eyes traced the delicate curve of her collar bone, followed the graceful upsweep of her neck, before tracking to her exotic face and penetrating dark eyes. Gabriella laughed at his discreet, but ogling look. Not a derisive laugh, but one light-hearted and smile-inducing. “Believe it or not, Adam, I’m familiar with many things, and desire, lust, and need are included on that list. Still, being here with me under these circumstances seems to be a big leap for someone like you. I don’t mean to be critical or derogatory… but this just isn’t you. So, again, why are you here? You’re a decent looking man, still relatively young. Why aren’t you out meeting eligible women, establishing relationships, getting on with your life?” As if on cue, the piercing, stabbing pain struck. Involuntarily, his hand flew up, covering his now watering eye, the sudden movement knocking his knife and fork off the table, both clattering to the hardwood floor. Adam recovered quickly, pulled out a small pill container from his pocket and fished out two oxy-codeine tablets, washing them down with a gulp of wine. He had forgotten to take them before leaving his room. Gabby had been watching with concern shadowing her face. “Are you okay, Adam? What’s wrong?” Although the pain had abated somewhat on its own, his watery right eye still flickered open and shut involuntarily. He wiped at a tear that had escaped and was coursing down his cheek. The urge to run away and hide gripped him, and he found it difficult to look at the beautiful woman staring at him. He stared at his dinner plate instead. “It was several months after Wendy died and all my friends were encouraging me to get back into the social scene. I started by checking out a few of those Internet dating sites and joined a couple of groups at our church. But I had been having these bad headaches for some time, well before Wendy died, and when they became painful enough, I made a doctor’s appointment.” Gabriella was listening intently, a look of concern on her face. “I’m not liking any of these stories,” she said. Adam glanced up at her before continuing. “They ran a lot of tests and came up with a diagnosis of invasive neoplasia, the exact term being glioblastoma multiforme. In layman’s lingo, a rapidly growing and spreading inoperable brain tumor. They could delay the inevitable outcome with radiotherapy and chemotherapy, but it would only be a delay. It’s pressing on the optic nerve behind my right eye, so I get to look forward to deteriorating vision and eventual blindness.” He glanced down at his left hand, flexing it several times. “I already have the tingly, ‘pins and needles’ sensations in my left hand and the sole of my left foot. It won’t be long until I am totally paralyzed unless the tumor takes out my autonomic nervous system first—things like my heart and breathing—in which case nothing else will make much difference.” Gabby’s expression didn’t reflect shock or surprise, only sadness. “How long?” “They said maybe six months, tops. And that was four months ago.” Gabriella was silent for several long seconds before replying. “Adam, I’m so sorry; I can only imagine how difficult your life has been these last years. To say it doesn’t seem fair would definitely qualify as an understatement.” She cocked her head, frowning. “I apologize for being this blunt, but that had to make you very bitter, Adam. Years of tending to your invalid wife. Then you receive your own death sentence almost immediately after her passing.” Gabby shook her head and looked down, toying with the last of the dessert on her plate. The Maître d’ materialized out of nowhere and replaced Adam’s silverware, then just as unobtrusively, disappeared. Adam stared at Gabriella, his expression stony, his right eye still only a slit. “Bitter? You could say that. I cursed God and everyone else I could think of. I was drunk for a week and broke everything in the house that was breakable. But in the end, I asked for forgiveness for all those curses. I’ve always believed there was a reason for everything, and one day God would explain all the things I can’t understand right now.” Gabriella looked up and shook her head again. “You certainly are a rather unusual man, Adam, a real ‘dinosaur’ by today’s morality. But somewhat refreshing, I must say. And yet, here you are, with me. Kind of contradictory, don’t you think? You haven’t finished explaining yet, have you?” Adam stumbled on, “I’m not sure how… how I can explain this… without sounding completely shallow… and… and selfish… and self-absorbed. But I guess I am because… it’s just that I wanted…” he stopped, took a deep breath, another gulp of wine and stared at the woman across from him. “Go on, Adam.” The crumbling dam finally broke, the words poured out. “Yes… twelve years without a woman. And I miss it. I’ve longed, yearned and ached for it, remembered and dreamt of it. The sight, sound, feel and taste of physical love. The gentle caresses, the tangle of legs and arms, the softness of breasts and thighs, the moans and cries, the peaks and valleys, the shadows, nooks and hollows, the satiny smoothness of skin, the body’s scent, the legs wrapped…” he stopped, afraid that if he continued, he would cry in front of this woman. He tried reminding himself that she was only a prostitute, a high-priced one, true, but still… He realized that Gabby had taken his hand again, her silence encouraging him to continue. “I know how trivial and shallow this all sounds, but when I realized that I would never get the chance to feel any of those things again… and then my friend, Pete, at the Elks Lodge, said he had heard about an escort service here in Las Vegas, Morrison and Dunlap, LLC, that catered to high-end clientele, like movie stars and politicians. He said, under the circumstances, I should get the best hooker that money could buy and go out in a blaze of glory. I don’t mean to sound crude, but the idea sounded great at the time. Please understand, I love… I loved my wife… it’s just that…” Still holding his hand, Gabriella stood, moved to his side of the table and pulled him to his feet. “It’s still a good idea. And I am the best. I can’t make up for twelve years or guarantee glory, but I can make it a pretty big blaze.”   Gabriella’s body was a magnificent gateway, a highway leading Adam on journeys he never imagined existed. With hands and lips, he followed and explored the exquisite hills and valleys, the curves and hollows, the planes and expanses, from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. She was the fountain and he the thirsting traveler, she the drug, he the willing addict. He reveled in the flawless beauty of her form, its contrasting softness, firmness, its light, and shadow, the finest work of Michelangelo and Donatello come to life. He couldn’t imagine anyone more versed in the art of sex and erotica than Gabby. She was a concert maestro, orchestrating intricate symphonies of the senses, sensual music that only she knew how to conduct and deliver. The consummate artist, painting masterpieces with the brushes of her imagination, their bodies, the canvas—sight and sound, touch, taste and smell the medium for her creations. She was the teacher, he the student—a devoted supplicant at the altar of her learning. She knew all the whens, wheres and hows. Gabby’s knowledge was the sexual equivalent of the Library of Congress, Viagra in human form. She built an all-consuming blaze that even paled the fire burning in his head. After that first night, they used room service. They used it a lot.   Adam stared at his reflection in the mirror, a repeat performance of a week earlier. But this time there was no nervousness, only resignation. His right eye was blood-red and slightly bulging, his vision in that eye blurred and almost gone. The pulsing and pounding in his head were constant, the painkillers fighting a losing battle. His left arm was almost completely numb, his left leg unreliable at best. And the tingling sensations had started on his right side. Gabriella had purchased a cane and black eye-patch two days earlier. She said the eye-patch made him look mysterious and menacing. He turned off the light and walked back into the bedroom. The first faint graying of the early dawn had seeped into the large, south-facing bedroom window, highlighting the form of the woman lying on the king-sized bed with soft shadows. Gabby had been with him for the whole week, not only every night but every day. It had cost a small fortune, but Adam didn’t plan on taking any money back with him. This was his last hurrah. The only living relatives Adam had were his divorced sister, Amanda, her four-year-old daughter, Jessica, and his estranged, younger brother, Jeffrey. Adam was—had been anyway—a financial conservative and had made prudent investments over the years. And after Wendy’s death, he had sold their home for a tidy profit. Then, there was Wendy’s life insurance policy, a twenty-year term, $250,000 policy. When she died, there was only a little over a year to go before its termination date. He smiled without humor; that had to have pissed Penn Life off. His death would beat his own policy’s end date. Amanda and Jessica were his only beneficiaries; he had left everything to them. They both would be secure financially. He had saved a little for himself, which he was now spending on himself and Gabby. Walking over to the four-poster, he slipped back into bed. Gabby was sleeping on her side facing away from him, towards the lightening bedroom window. Adam propped himself up on one arm, his fingers caressing the satin sheet covering her, before sliding it down and off her nude body. The growing dawn cast the long length of her form in soft shades of shadow and light. Adam placed his hand on her thigh above her knee. He had only half-jokingly referred to her long, slim legs as the “twin highways to heaven.” He leisurely traced a course up the toned, sleek surface until he paused on the silken rise of her hip. Adam admired the erotic view of her rear, its gentle hills and valleys, what he liked to call “The Fabulous Duchene Derrière,” and what Gabby, just as playfully, described as “Adam’s plaine de jeux:” Adam’s playground. Somehow, it didn’t surprise him that Gabriella was also fluent in French. Early on, he had referred to Gabby’s name, inquiring about its possible connection to a French lineage. This had earned him a smile, a wave of a finger and a shake of the head, indicating this was yet another example of a “don’t go there” question. Actually, there wasn’t much he knew about her, even after a week. She had made it plain from the beginning that her personal life was off-limits. No questions like, “How did a nice girl like you get into this kind of work? Where are you from? Where’s your family?” About all she had volunteered was that she wasn’t from Nevada, but nothing else about herself, her family or her history. Even her exact age remained unknown. She seemed well-versed in a variety of subjects but was mum on when and where she had received her education. Gabby said everything was to be about him, what he wanted, what he needed. Adam managed a smile in the still shadowed room—she certainly had made good on those promises. With reluctance, his hand left its supple resting place and resumed its course, leisurely traveling down the slope of her hip, pausing at her waist. Here, he changed directions, sliding over and down to the smooth plane of her stomach, then up to her chest, nestling between the warm softness of her breasts, his starving hand full of her, finally resting, its wandering over and home at last. He moved closer, his lips now caressing her shoulder, without haste, tracing a route down to her neck. He breathed in deeply of her bouquet; this morning she smelled faintly of tangerines. Somehow, her scent changed almost daily. She said it was another “trade secret.” Adam’s lips felt Gabby make a low, purring sound in her throat. She slowly moved her arm down, gently trapping his hand to her breast. She wiggled backward, her rump moving against his groin, her back and shoulders pressed against his chest and stomach, her legs folded back against his, their bodies meshed like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. “Do we have time before your plane leaves?” she whispered, her voice still clouded by sleep. His lips brushed her skin as he spoke. “Last night it took you a long time to make things work, and that’s saying a lot. Only a dead man would not respond to you, and I’m not even sure about that.” He smiled into the curve of her neck, his voice muffled by its resting place. “But no, that was my last round-up, I think.” Gabriella released his hand, pulled away, and rolled over onto her back, then her side, facing him. She looked at his bloodshot eye, his pained and pinched face. She reached up, her fingers tracing a route down the side of his head. She gently pulled his head down to her breast and lightly stroked the back of his neck. Her other arm she wrapped around his shoulders, cradling him. She worked her lower leg between his, draped the other over the top and pressed her body against him, trying to envelop Adam in a cocoon of warm flesh. The pain in his head seemed to recede slightly. As he relaxed in Gabriella’s warm embrace, Adam remembered a quip that someone had written years before. It went something like… “At birth, Man fights to escape the womb, then spends the rest of his life trying to get back in.” Adam knew it was meant in a sexual context, but maybe there was another meaning, a reference to an instinctual yearning of Man to return to the warmth and safety of the womb… its peace and security… A short while later, way too short for Adam, Gabby sighed and kissed the top of his head. “It’s getting late, do you have to take a shower or anything?” He breathed into her breast. “No, I will keep your scent with me for as long as I can.” When he finished dressing, Adam stood by the door leaning on his cane, eye-patch in place, his suitcase already transferred to the waiting taxi. Nude, Gabby was sitting up in bed, the sheets pooled around her waist. Long seconds passed as he stared at her, his eyes drinking in the last memories of Gabriella. He placed the envelope on top of the dresser. He smiled and nodded at her. “Ms. Gabriella Marguerite Duchene, I want to thank you for making all of my dreams and prayers come true,” he managed, without his voice cracking. Gabby looked at his eye-patch and returned his smile. “You’re welcome, my Macho Man.” Then her smile dimmed. “It was my pleasure, Adam,” she said, her voice low. Adam leaned heavily on his cane, turned, and limped out the door.   Adam Charles Anderson’s funeral was a modest one, only thirty-seven in attendance. Visitation had been at the Lomas Chapel of French Mortuary in Albuquerque, NM, the eulogy given by Pastor Mark Nagel of Faith Lutheran Church. Interment was at Sunset Cemetery. Folding chairs circled the gravesite. The bronze-colored coffin was suspended over its final resting place: a shadowy, rectangular opening in the dark earth below. Adam’s friends from the BPOE Elk Lodge #461, and friends of Amanda Anderson, occupied most of the chairs. Jeffrey Anderson, Adam’s brother, stood apart from the over-flow group behind the chairs, along with his personal attorney, David P. Haskins. The two kept glancing over at the tall, dark-complexioned woman standing near the group opposite them. Dressed in a conservative black dress, the hem below her knees and the collar buttoned at her throat, she wore a wide-brimmed black hat and sunglasses even though the mild spring day was overcast. Thick, dark hair curled down to her shoulders. She had received several curious glances from a few of the other funeral attendees. Pastor Nagel was reciting Psalm 23, his voice droning in the still air. Staring at the woman, Jeffrey Anderson whispered to the thin, suit-clad attorney next to him. “David, that’s her, I’m sure of it. Even with the hat and sunglasses, I recognize her from the pictures the detective, Ed what’s-his-name, from the Burn’s Agency took.” David Haskins glanced at the shorter, thick-set man next to him, then back across the way at the enigmatic, shadowy woman. “You really think a whore would travel all the way from Nevada for the funeral of one of her johns, even a whore that your idiot brother spent a fortune humping? Still, it would make things a lot easier if you were right; we’re having trouble getting information on her. With luck we could serve the papers on her while she was here, as well as serving notice on your sister, contesting Adam’s will.” Pastor Nagel finished the eulogy and invited, on behalf of Amanda Anderson, the attendees to a small reception at her home in neighboring Rio Rancho. Cemetery workers lowered the casket carefully into its final resting place. Amanda and Jessica headed the line of mourners moving slowly by the grave, paying their last respects, pausing to drop flowers down onto the casket. The dusky stranger had also joined the line at the rear. She stopped when she reached the grave, took off her sunglasses and knelt near the edge. A single, white rose had appeared in her other hand. She brought the rose to her lips for a second, then leaned over and dropped it into the grave. She rose gracefully and walked towards Amanda and Jessica who were standing and watching nearby. Jeffrey and his lawyer eyed this little tableau from their original positions. They had no final respects to pay. But they did want to talk to the stranger. They hurried towards the trio near a large oak tree, but the black-clad woman was already walking away. As they scurried up, Amanda spoke. “If you’re after her…” she nodded towards the departing woman… “you can slow down guys, she’s coming over to the house in a bit. She said she needed to talk to me.” The duo paused and watched the mystery woman heading for the roadway. Haskins spoke. “Who was that?” “That’s Gabriella Duchene.” “I told you!” Jeffrey said. Little four-year-old Jessica chimed in, “That’s Uncle Adam’s friend from Nevada.” Jeffrey smirked. “Yeah, his very expensive friend from Nevada.” Amanda scowled. “Please, Jeff, not in front of Jessica.” She turned to Haskins. “Are you still contesting Adam’s will?” “Amanda, Adam left none of his estate to his brother, Jeffrey; he left everything to you. Does that seem reasonable? And everyone knows his mental competency was questionable the last few months, as evidenced by his financial extravagance on that… woman… on Ms. Duchene. I feel a more equitable division of his assets is warranted, much better than tying things up in litigation for several years. I’ll bring the paperwork to your house later and we can go over it.”   The sun managed to break through the overcast sky, shafts of sunlight splitting the clouds, dissipating the gloom and turning the dour day into something more hopeful. Several of the guests had taken their plates of food out to the backyard patio of Amanda’s modest three-bedroom home to enjoy the warming sun. Haskins and Jeffrey had heaped their plates and were standing in the backyard, surveying the people milling around. “Well, if it isn’t Mutt and Jeff.” The soft voice came from behind them. They both turned and were confronted by a smiling and dazzling Gabriella. She still wore her modest black dress, but the hat and sunglasses had vanished. She had pulled her hair up and off her neck, pinning it in back. Her flawless, bronze-tinted skin glowed in the light. Both men had taken an involuntary step back when they had first turned and seen her. Haskins recovered first. He chose to ignore her initial salutation and nodded towards Jeffrey. “I’d like to introduce Jeffrey Anderson, the late Adam Anderson’s brother. And I’m David Haskins, his attorney.” Gabby closed her eyes and turned her face skyward, enjoying the warmth of the sun. “I know who you are, boys.” Her comment was disconcerting, but Haskins attacked. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. After Adam made large withdrawals from his bank account and Jeff heard about his planned escapade in Vegas, we had a private detective follow him around town. We’d like a little information from you, Ms. Duchene… or whoever you are. You see, we’ve done a little research on you. Morrison and Dunlap, LLC has never heard of you. They received an initial call from Adam, but never returned a call to him; they only deal in well-heeled, high-end clientele. We checked all the other escort agencies. None of them have heard of a Gabriella Marguerite Duchene either. We haven’t been able to come up with any information on you, but we will. I figure you’re just an enterprising, independent scammer, using your looks to con and rip-off the gullible and naïve. In Mr. Anderson’s case, you took advantage of a mentally incompetent man. If you don’t relinquish the money you duped Mr. Anderson out of, I’ll be filing civil and criminal charges including, but not limited to, fraud, misrepresentation, physical, emotional and financial exploitation of an organically brain-damaged individual, one suffering from mental and emotional dysfunctions. And, of course, prostitution, illegal in Kent County.” He smirked. “We might even try elder abuse.” Gabby had remained silent during Haskin’s recitation, her smile remaining in place, but a smile now morphing, becoming grim and brittle, her dark eyes smoldering, darkening even more. Her jaw muscles clenched, her voice now cold and hard. “No, you won’t.” Haskins’ looked dumbfounded. Jeff just looked dumb. Again, the lawyer was quick to recover. “Excuse me, but I will not stand here listening to some two-bit whore…” Gabby kept going, her eyes boring into the suddenly flustered attorney like lasers. “It was 1998 and you were just starting your law practice with your partner, James Whitmore. It was the same year that Cyntex Technology went public with its IPO. You remember, the company with your old college buddy on the board of directors, Jimmy Kemp? That little illegal piece of insider trading enabled you to make a big killing in the stock market and allowed your law practice to get off to a flying start. Your partner, Whitmore, had scruples concerning the whole thing, but then that unfortunate accident fixed that little problem, didn’t it? And the IRS might be interested in your questionable bookkeeping methods, your investments, and several tax returns.” Haskins had paled to the color of the overhead clouds, his mouth hanging open. Next, Gabby zeroed in her fiery glare on the shorter man next to him, who appeared ready to bolt and run. “And you, Mr. Jeffrey Xavier Anderson, Bernalillo councilman and married father of two teenage boys, I hear you intend to run for Mayor of Bernalillo. Politics, a noble career,” she mocked. “But I wonder if your constituents and your family know of your penchant for young boys? I wonder what the victims’ families would think. Then, there was that 12-year-old boy a couple of years ago who had trouble living with your little sodomy predilection and jumped off the I-40 overpass.” Jeffrey had turned an ashen gray and made a gagging sound. Gabby looked at both men in disgust. Haskins finally croaked out, “How… how…?” Gabriella’s voice was cold and hard, a contrast to her blazing eyes. “I have my sources and they are very good sources. And I can keep digging if you want. I can unravel every frayed, loose end of your miserable, little lives. Not a good thing for either of you. You will also drop any legal or civil actions concerning Adam’s will. Further, I do not want my ears polluted by hearing your names again. This matter is over, or you will be over. Boys, listen and listen carefully. Don’t force me to come back. If I do, I will destroy you.” She gave each another withering glare and strode off towards the house. The two cowed men were scurrying out the backyard gate before she ever made it to the door. Little Jessica was in the living room talking to two of her pre-school friends. When she saw Gabriella enter, she detached herself and ran over to her. “Hi, Gabby, are you lookin’ for my mother?” “Yes, I am. Is she nearby?” “Just in the kitchen. Should be back pretty soon.” Gabby grinned. “Well, that’s okay, it’ll give us a chance to chat.” Amanda came around the corner several minutes later, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. She saw Gabby and Jessica talking and walked over, smiling. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she said. “No, Jessica and I were just swapping stories.” Jessica began tugging on her mother’s skirt. “Mommy, Mommy, I have to tell you some ‘portant stuff…” Gabby put her forefinger to her lips. “Shhhhh, Jessica, it’s still a secret, remember?” Jessica looked crestfallen but remained quiet. Gabby turned to Amanda. “I have to go soon; my sister and brothers are meeting me. And, Amanda, I don’t want you to think any less of Adam for what he did with me. He—” Amanda interrupted her by stepping forward and embracing her. “Gabby, don’t say another thing. I can’t pretend that I approve of what you do. All I know is that my brother had a very sad finish to his life, and you were the only one who brought him any happiness at the end. You brought him joy. Despite the pain, he was in the final weeks of his life, he always smiled whenever he talked about you. Somehow, you turned a nightmare into a dream. I can only thank you for that.” She stepped back, tears in her eyes. Gabriella’s eyes filled, blurred. “Adam was a good man,” she sighed before adding cryptically, “Always remember, you get what you pay for.” She took Amanda’s hand in her own, giving it a quick squeeze. “You two, take care.” She bent and kissed Jessica on the head. “Be good for your Mom.” Then she turned and disappeared out the door. Jessica was back to tugging on her mother’s skirt. “Mommy, here, this is for you.” She was holding an envelope. She took it from her daughter. “What is it, sweetheart?” “Gabby gave it to me to give to you after she went home.” Amanda opened the envelope and removed a cashier’s check made out to her for $105,000. She gasped, her hand covering her mouth. “Oh, my God,” she whispered. Jessica’s wide, childish grin turned into a frown of concern. “You okay, Mommy?” Amanda stared at the closed front door. “I don’t understand this… why… why did she…?” Jessica’s grin returned, bigger than ever. “It’s okay Mommy, Gabby ‘splained everything to me, I’ll ‘splain it to you.” The little girl was literally jumping up in down with excitement. “She was on a sorta ‘signment.” “You mean assignment?” “Yeah, that’s what I said, ‘signment. It means jobs. Gabby does lots of different jobs, some sad and some fun, lots of special kinds of ‘signments for a lotta different people who earn it and need it. She said she’s good at everythin’ she duz. Uncle Adam dint know her ‘signment was for him and was free, but she wasn’t ‘sposed to tell him anythin,’ so she saved the monies he gave her to give back to us. Her ‘signment for Uncle Adam was to make him happy cuz of all the unhappy stuff he had. Gabby said Uncle Adam had pre… had pre… preee-paid, that’s the word… prepaid… for his dreams and prayers already!” A look of consternation crossed her young face. “I’m still thinkin’ ‘bout that one. She said that other thing too, ‘bout payin’ for what you get, or somethin’ like that. Oh, yeah, she said Uncle Jeff and his mean friend won’t be bothering us never again, neither.” Questions were flooding Amanda’s mind. She knelt, brushed the hair from her daughter's face and looked into the innocent blue eyes. “Sweetheart, did Gabby say who she really was, or where she came from?” Jessica rolled her eyes upward in mock exasperation. “Oh, Mommy, those are easy ones, ‘cept she did kinda add to her name. Geez, dint I ‘splain it good ‘nuff? Dint she tell you her sister and brothers were meetin’ her?” “Yes, hon.” “Well, duh, Mommy, her brothers are Gabriel and Michael, and her sis is Mikaela! Get it, Michael and Gabriel, and Mikaela and Gabriella? Didya think angels were all boys?” Jessica shook her head in wonder; sometimes grownups were so silly. With that, Jessica skipped away in search of her friends. Amanda stood, staring at the check. Maybe it was her stunned imagination, but she thought she could detect the faint sweetness of tangerines...                                                             Publisher: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG Implerstraße 24 81371 Munich Germany Text: John C. Laird Editing: Valerie Fee All rights reserved. Publication Date: September 22nd 2020 https://www.bookrix.com/-alsam2 ISBN: 978-3-95500-846-8

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-aliah-angel-my-secret/

Aliah Angel My Secret Five Mommy said I have to pick up my toys because daddy will be home soon. When she said that my tummy got floppy. So I ran to pick up my toys so I could go sit in my room. As soon as I closed the door to my room I heard a car outside. My tummy hurts and it feels floppy again. I know that daddy is home so I sit on my bed and wait for him. I hear him yell at mommy and tell her to go to the store so she can get stuff for dinner. I walk over to the window and I see mommy running to the car holding her cheek I know she is trying to hurry. Because if she takes too long she will get another slap. I hear daddy start to walk up the stairs to my room so I run back to the bed and sit down. He opens the door and tells me that I’m a good slut for being where he told me to be. I watch daddy walk in and lock the door behind him like he always does. He sits down on the bed next to me and pulls me on to his lap. My tummy hurts and I’m scared but I don’t talk or cry, daddy said I’m not allowed. When daddy starts to move around under me and starts to touch my private place I close my eyes until it’s over. Daddy tells me that he loves me more than mommy and that I’m a good slut. Him talking in my ear like that scares me and I feel like I’m going to throw up. When daddy gets done he makes me promise to keep our game a secret and then he leaves me on the bed. I feel like a bad girl so I take my blanket and sit in my closet until mommy calls me for dinner. I couldn’t eat dinner because my tummy was floppy so daddy got angry and sent me to bed. I don’t like going to bed because bad things happen in the dark. Every night after mommy goes to sleep daddy comes in to my room and plays his secret game with me. This time I can cry when daddy touches me or makes me touch him because he can’t see me in the dark. When daddy leaves I go to sleep in my closet and I wait for him to wake me up in the morning so we can play another secret game. Ten Last year when my mom walked in on daddy making me put his privates in my mouth he hit her so she filed for divorce and moved out. I cried for a long time when I found out that she wasn’t going to take me with her but now I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. Daddy told me that I belong to him and that he would kill me before he let me go. He told me that he is the only person in the world that will ever care about me and I believe him. My birthday is tomorrow and I don’t know anyone that remembers or even cares and I know that daddy is out drinking tonight so he will come home angry and will probably hit me. My birthday has never been important daddy will hit me or rape me whenever he feels like it but its okay because I know that daddy only hurts me because he loves me. Fifteen I hate my dad. He doesn’t love me. I hate my mom. She doesn’t love me. I hate myself. I don’t love anything about who I am. I’m a stupid daddy fucking slut. I let him rape me. It was my fault for being stupid. I wish I would die. I wish my dad would have killed me when he slammed my head into the fire place or when he choked me and made me black out. Why does daddy tell me that he loves me? Why does daddy tell me he hates me? Why does daddy call me his princess? Why does daddy call me his slut? I’m scared. My tummy hurts. I don’t want to be hurt any more. I want to die. I want to kill myself. With all of these thoughts spinning through my head I got out of my closet and went into the kitchen while daddy wasn’t home and got the box cutter. I walked to the bathroom and closed the door. I ran a bath tub full of water and got in with my clothes still on. I cut my wrist as deep as I could and watched and as my blood came rushing out. I dropped my arm and the box cutter into the water and waited to die. The only emotion I was feeling as I started to black out was happiness because I knew that I would never have to deal with my daddy raping me or hitting me ever again. The darkness of unconsciousness and eventually death was warm and inviting. Still fifteen I woke up a day later in the hospital after my failed suicide attempt. When the police wouldn’t stop asking questions about my bruises and cuts I decided to tell them about everything that my father had done to me. The doctors kept me in the hospital for a few more days and then I was sent to live in a foster home. Things are okay now but I still have nightmares about daddy and his special games. The end Publication Date: June 23rd 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-aliahangel

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-chalen-d-baby-by-rape/

Chalen D. Baby by Rape Book One to all that where in the same situation. remain strong, you've got this! PS: Everyone that has read this book loves it! SO thank you so much. Only the spelling errors tossed them a bit, and when I went to fix them all, they even tossed me off, so it is now fixed, and hopefully read to go! Much love Chalen D. Baby by Rape Becca Marien 6 Am. That’s when the door bell had gone off waking me. As I stumbled to the door all I could think about is how the person on the other side of the door better be bleeding to death, or there would be hell to pay. “Ta-da.” My best friend said, holding a white bakery bag. “If those are not doughnuts, turn around and go home.” “They are,“ He laughed pushing past me.    We sat down and dug into the bag. “How you doing with Jessie moving?” “I’m actually glad she’s gone.” “Really?” “Yup.” “But she was your best friend.” “Why is it such a big deal that I’m fine?” “Because I know you Sophie. What happened in the past couple of days before she left?” “Nothing.” “Sophie.” He looked at me in his get real way.      That was the million dollar question though wasn’t it? What had happened that night. The night that Jessie had finally talked me into going to a party. She made it look so glamorous. She did my hair and makeup, let me borrow an outfit, and promised to not leave me. But she did. And I did get raped. “I thought she was your best friend.  You two where always together.” “Correction.” I licked my finger, “You’re my best friend.” “Okay.” He nodded, taking a sip from his mini milk carton. “You want to know a bad thing about having the same best friend for years?” “There aren’t any.” “They know when you are lying.” He took a bite, “So spill it.” “Nothing happened dude.” “I know something happened Sophie. I want to help you, and it’s killing me that you won’t let me.”           I shouldn’t have gone off with him to ‘Talk somewhere more quiet.’ I shouldn’t have trusted someone that I saw every single day at school for the past few years. I shouldn’t of-“ “Sophs.” He hit my knee. “Huh?” I looked at him. “Tell me.” “Do you remember when we were nine and we used to write each other notes and stick them in each other’s mailboxes?” “Yeah?” I raised my eyebrows. “Oh!” We set our doughnuts on the table and headed outside. He jogged across the street and stood at his mailbox. I set a piece of paper on my mail box and wrote those three words I was dreading to tell him. To tell anyone actually. I folded it as small as it would go and then jogged across the street.  I stuck the not in his mail box, closed it, put the flag up and then ran back across the street standing on the curb. I watched him open the mailbox and carefully unfold the note. “Hey Danny?” I called. “Huh?” He looked up. “You can’t say goodbye okay?” “Promise.” he was confused, but then continued to open the note.           I watched as he smoothed the note out and read it. About three times. Then he looked up at me, and I smiled at him with a shrug. He crumped the note with a first, and dropped it to the Icey ground. He ran over to me, arms raised and the paused. “Sophie,” He paused shaking his head, “I don’t know how to make this go away.” “A hug for starters.” I nodded. “Of course.”           We hugged for a few minutes, him in the gutter, me on the curb. “I’m so sorry.” “For what?” I pulled back a bit. “I wasn’t there to protect you.” “You didn’t even know I was going to the party. It’s not your fault okay?” “Please  tell me you at least went to the doctor.” “No.” I dragged out the out. “Sophie.” He sighed. “I’m embarrassed, come with me.” “Of course I’ll come.” “What if I find out I have some random disease?” I asked as we walked across the street to his car. “Then I have your back okay? Just like always.” We went to a free clinic where they did ask if I was a minor. I peed in a little plastic cup and they did a pap smear on me. Not fun my friend let me tell you. Danny and I sat in the room for about fifteen minutes. Twenty more minutes passed and finally the doctor came in. “The good news is you test results for all STDs are looking good.” Danny squeezed my hand. “What’s the bad news?” I wanted to know, “Whenever someone says the good news is, bad news follows.” “It’s not necessarily bad news, but you did test positive on the pregnancy test.” “Not bad news?” I yelled, and they both jumped, “what do you mean-“ “Thank you.” Danny stood up, shaking the woman’s hand.           Danny took my hand and led me from the tiny clinic. I was pregnant. That A-hole Didn’t use a condom while he raped me? Who does that? Now I had to bring a little baby into the world. He couldn’t get rights to see the baby could he? I’d shoot him. “Sophie?” “Huh?” I looked up at Danny. “Are you ready?” “Oh, um, yeah.”           I got into his car and he shut the door. I had to give birth. I had to grow up. I needed a job. I needed my own car. How much was a car seat? A pack of diapers? Danny drove me home, parking at the curb. “Hey Soph?” “Yeah?” “I just wanted to let you know that whatever you chose to do about the baby, I’m with you.” “I know.” “But we have to tell your Mom.” “Yeah, I know that too.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “She’s going to be so disappointed in me.” “It’s not your fault Sophie.” “Yes it is Danny. I lied to her about the party and because I am so not the effing party type, I left to the den with this guy.” “So uh, What’s the guy’s name?” “I didn’t pay attention.” I waved it away. “Well if you remember, let me know okay?” “Yeah.” “You hungry?” “We should get a pizza.” “You up for it?” He started his car. “I can order in.” “I want to go out.” I nodded. “Okay, then we go out.”           We drove over to the little pizza shop and headed inside. I sat on the bench as Danny ordered our pizza and soda. I wonder if I could get a job here? I had to get a job somewhere. Mom was already struggling with me as it is.  She couldn’t financially take care of a baby too. I hope she wouldn’t involve Dad. That was the last thing I needed to worry about. Why did the pizza smell so damn good? Like I could eat an entire pie to myself. I probably could to be honest. With the order payed for we headed home and sat at the table in the kitchen. We ate our food, and stayed there. I watched Danny walk around the kitchen as He threw away the pizza box and plates. I sat up a little more and looked at him as the door began to unlock. Okay, here we go. Danny nodded at me and sat down. I hurried to grab his hand. I listened as Mom shut the door, kicked off her shoes, and set her bag and keys down. She sighed about something, probably the abandoned doughnuts. She walked into the kitchen and paused. She just looked at us. “What happened?” Her tiered shoulder sagged, “What’s going on? I know you two.” “I’m pregnant.” I blurted.           She paused, then she sat down in the chair across from us and just started. “Do you even know how much a baby is?” “I can get a job.” I muttered. “I’ll get one too.” Danny offered. “No-“ “Yes,” Mom nodded, “He will.” “The baby isn’t his Mom.” “Then whose is it?”           Danny pulled me into a hug as I started crying. I thought I was done crying. Why was I always crying about this? “She was raped.” Danny muttered. “Oh my god.” She got up and hurried around the table and sat in a chair. She pulled on my sleeve, and I turned to face her. “Please don’t be mad at me Mommy. I’m so sorry.” “No sweet heart.” She took my face, “No.” “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about the party. I should have just stayed home.” “Hey,” She pulled me into a hug, “We have to take this one thing at a time okay? First it is not your fault Sophie, and Daniel it’s not yours either.”           Danny slowly nodded, as if he needed an adult to tell him this. “Okay.” Mom nodded, “Are we going to keep the baby?” “What?” I looked at her. “I’m just saying that there is options.” “I’m keeping the baby.” “Okay.” Again she nodded, “Daniel, a baby is a huge responsibility. Now is the time to back out.” “I’m in.” “Okay then. You need to get jobs to take care of the baby.” “That’s fine.” Danny nodded, “I’ll go job searching first thing in the morning.” “Do you have any STDs Sophie?” I shook my head. “Okay. So you two look for jobs tomorrow, and I’ll set up a doctor’s appointment. I have tomorrow off so I’ll go shopping for better food and prenatal vitamins.” “A baby.” I shook my head. “That’s where we’re at now.” “Hey.” Danny rubbed my back, “We got this.” I nodded. “All we can do now is get some rest. Danny why don’t you bring her upstairs okay?” He nodded and took my hand. “I am sorry Mom.” “Get some sleep honey.” I nodded, and let Danny take me upstairs. We lay in my bed with a sliver of space between us. I was soon getting a head ache trying to stay awake. “Don’t leave okay?” “Never.” He said, as I faded in and out.             I stretched out for Danny, feeling cold sheets. I quickly sat up and looked around. He said. Danny was asleep on the floor next to the door. He still felt guilty. I caught a glimpse of the early morning sky through my window as I got up. I grabbed my confuter and arranged it over him. I moved his arm so I could open the door and slipped out. I quietly headed down stairs. Mom was sitting at the table with a mug. Her eyes where red and blurry and she talked on the phone. “I’m at my wits end. I needed to talk to you.” She was saying.           I hid behind the wall next to the kitchen arch and sat down on the floor. “Sophie needs your help. I’ve done all that I can think of.” “What happened?” I could hear the angry voice from here. Dad. “She’s pregnant Mitch.” I sighed, not hearing his next question. “No that Daniel kid isn’t the Father.” Mom was defensive. “I don’t know, She was raped at a party that she snuck off to. No, don’t do that, she’s sleeping right now. And you know what? Danny has stepped up for our daughter in a really big way that no sixteen year old should have to. Why don’t you think about that before you point the finger of blame?”           The phone gave off a light beep as she hung it up. She sighed. The chair scooted back, and her slippers padded across the floor. She set the phone back in its charger box, and then made her way out of the kitchen. “Sophie.” She gasped putting a hand to her heart, “Honey, what-“ “Does he hate me?” I looked up at her. “He’s a little upset.” She rang her hands. I pulled my legs to my chest, “Good.”           She sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders.  I allowed my head to rest on her shoulder. “He’s not upset with you honey, but with your-“ She paused, “The baby’s father.” “He is not the father of my child.” “Sophie” She said slowly. “Spit it out Mom. I know you.” “It’s just me and you know, Danny is upstairs. Do you know the name of who did this to you?” I nodded, crying yet again. “Oh my love,” She pulled me onto her lap, “I never meant for this to happen to you.” “Stop saying that as if it was your fault. Danny keeps doing that. He’s sleeping on the floor in front of my door, like he can protect me from the next offender.” “Ah yes, Daniel,” She laughed a bit. “Hold on to that one.” “I will. Always.” “Your Dad is coming over tomorrow.” “I don’t want to see him.” “I have to involve him. He has a good lawyer for you.” “Why would I need a lawyer?” “When you go to court to lock up your offender-“ “I don’t want him going to jail.” I scooted off of her lap and looked at her, “It will ruin his life.” “He ruined your life first!” She yelled, then she took a breath and held up a hand, “I’m sorry for yelling at you.” “Sophie?” “I’m coming.”           I got up and jogged up the stairs. Danny stood in the hall. When he saw me he pulled me into a tight hug. “What’s wrong?” I asked, face smashed against his chest. “Bad dream.” “Tell me.” “Another time. I have to take a shower and make sure my siblings are okay. I’ll be back over soon and we can go job hunting.” He kissed my head and was gone. Nothing is wrong with his twin siblings Taylor and Tyler. I think my situation shook him. “What am I going to do with you huh?” I put a hand on my stomach, “I tell you this much, I’ll always protect you.” “Honey?”           I looked over at Mom. She smiled and held the phone out to me. Of course. I took the phone and pressed it a little too hard to my ear. “Hello?” “Sophie!” He sounded surprised I would get on the phone, “Oh God, are you alright?” “I’m fine Dad.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “I know you are still mad at me, and that is fine. You have a right to be. But I found a couple you can take the baby.” “The baby?” I snapped, “My Baby is staying with me.” “Are you sure?” He wanted to know, “Because you still have our whole life ahead of you. Babies are a big responsibility, and I just don’t want the baby to derail your life. You have so much poten-“ I stabbed the end button with my thumb and held the phone out. “He really does want the best for you honey.”           I shook the phone and she took it. I wondered if she secretly felt this way too about the baby. That is was derailing my life plans. Sure it was a little early to take care of a baby, and No, I had no idea what I was doing, but the fact that I was going to have one, still remained. He or she was coming, and everyone better just get used to it, because I was keeping my baby. I took a shower and got dressed. I stood in front of the mirror sideways and smoothed my hands over my shirt. Could you tell yet? There was a knock on the door and I jumped. I looked over at Danny. “I uh, I was just-“           He walked over and put a hand on my stomach. His thumb rubbed over my belly button, and then he smiled. “What do you think they’ll be when they grow up?” I smiled too, “Whatever they want to be.” “We have to let them know that we support them in whatever they want.” “Even if it’s odd?” “It’s not odd if they are into it.” I smiled, “I want them to do whatever they want to do. I want them to be so confident that it intimidates others.” He laughed, and nodded, “But we’re not going to have any money to support them if we don’t get jobs.” “Yeah.” I snorted. “I was thinking that we could head over to that strip of tourist shops. I hear a few of them hire minors.” “Okay, yeah I’m ready.”           We headed over to the strip and put in applications. I paused at the door of an empty shop. There was a girl sitting on the floor surrounded by Boxes. I opened the door and she hurried to her feet spinning around. l She had to be in her early twenties. “I’m not ready yet.” She informed me. “Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.” “What is this place?” I looked around. “Used to be a candy shop I guess.” She stood next to me as we took in the shop. “I’m trying to make it into a coffee joint slash library.” “Huh.” “Free Wifi though.” “With the purchase of a muffin.” “Huh?” “Don’t ever give anything for free. The business will fail. I totally dig what you are trying to do here, but you should make that back area on the wall look like a coffee bar. Instead of counters with the register do a pastry window display.” “I like it,” She nodded. “Except I don’t Bake.” “Hi.” I held out my hand, “I’m Sophie, I’m sixteen, love to bake, and I will work for the minimum of minimum wages.” “No.” She shook her head, I’ll hire for seventeen dollars an hour because you’ve really just saved my ass kid.” “What is that?” I nodded at a door. “It’s a kitchen. I guess they used to make their own homemade truffles back there.” “Can I look?” “Sure.” She lifted an arm and then bent down at a box.           I poked around in the kitchen. If she got me a mixer and a few bowls it was on. I could make my famous family recipe of cherry cheese cake and just cut it into squares to sale. This is the thing I needed. I would never have to be home when Dad came over, and it would get my mind off of HIM. I didn’t want to think of HIM, but somehow I always came back to him. I left the kitchen and came back into the main hall. I saw Danny across the street. He pulled out his phone, looked at it and then put it to his ear. I walked over to the window. My phone vibrated, and I answered it. “Where are you?” “Look up.” He looked up from the ground and I waved at him. He smiled and waved back. He jogged across the street and came inside. “Hey.” “I got a job here.” “That’s great.” The girl walked over, “Hey, I’m Milow.” “Hey.” He shook her hand. “You know, Danny is quiet the handy man. He’s a computer whiz and came make a mean cup of coffee.” “Sounds good enough to me.” Milow shrugged, “My Dad thinks that this place isn’t going to amount to anything, but I’ll show him.” “Yeah we will.” I high fived her. “Can you guys start tomorrow at Nine?” “I’m free.” I looked to Danny. “Me too.” He nodded. “I can drive you.” I nodded, “What should we wear?” “Just jeans and a T-shirt for now. We’ll be doing a lot of moving around.” She turned to a box. Danny looked at me, eye brows raised. “Um, yeah, I can’t really do a lot of heavy lifting,” I said, as she turned to face me. “That’s okay. You two can be on shopping. Yes! You can go to Ikea and get tables and chairs. You can get bowls and stuff to bake with.  Whatever ingredients you need.  I have a guy coming at nine thirty to hook up a new doubled door fridge and double topped stove for you tomorrow. I’ll give you guys the shops credit card. If you guys could get like eight to twelve retro book shelfs too that would be great. I have a work van coming in too you guys can take that for the load.” “Sounds good.” “Thanks guys. See you tomorrow.”           We headed out of the shop and back over to where Danny parked the car. “Well that was a lot easier than I thought.” “And at seventeen dollars. We’ll need to get you a car.” “I don’t need-“ “You do. When the baby gets here and I’m at work, you’ll need a car to take them to the doctors or wherever else you need to go.” “What I need to do is start stocking up on baby stuff.” “Don’t buy diapers and wipes until the baby is born.” “Why?” “Well because what happens if the baby ends up being allergic to the brand you pick?” “Oh, that’s true.” “Buy a crib or blankets.” “A car seat.” “There you go. When the baby gets older we’ll need a second car seat.”           The two of us headed to my house and sat in my room with note books. I had the following written down: Crib (bedding and extra sheets) Stroller and car seat combo, swing or glider, changing station and maybe a bassinet of some sort. I bit at my thumb nail, and peeked at Danny’s list: Socks, Bath tub, onesies, Blankets (swaddle wraps, burb cloths). I watched as he wrote down wash rags. He would make a it in this raising a kid business.  Me however? I’d be hiding in the closet with a bottle of cheap wine and a good book. I slapped my note book closed and dropped it on the bed pulling my knees to my chest. I glared at the note book. “You okay?” He looked over at me, “What happened?” I shrugged a shoulder. “Come on.” He handed me the book, “Don’t give up so easily.” “Danny, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” “That’s why you have me.” “I’m not ready for a baby.” “You’re sixteen.” He laughed, “Who’s ready for a baby at this age?” “What do you think the baby will think when they grow up and find out I wasn’t ready for her.” “That you are a normal teenager. It’s not like you don’t’ want her.” I took the book. “Right?” “Right.” I nodded. “Then we should probably get back to our lists.” “Right.” I opened the book.           I pressed my pencil to the paper three times before I sighed. “Do I want to formula feed?” “Breast feeding is better.” Mom said handed me a plastic bag, “For the first three weeks or so.” I took the bag and dug through it. “What’s this?” Mom picked up my book. “It’s a list of things I need for the baby.” She looked over the list, “Let me see the pencil.”           She waved her hand at me and I handed over the pencil. She wrote for a bit and then handed me the book back. “I’m going to start on lunch.” I read what she wrote and she left. Danny waved for the book and I handed it over. “ Medela and willow breast pumps,” He read out loud, “nursing pads, milk storage and freezing bags, Lanolin cream, pregnancy pillow, breast feeding pillow, medela feeding bottles, rocking chair, crib- How did I forget those last two?”           I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, “We are so not ready for this.” “You’ll see Sophie, as time goes on we will be. There is books and classes youtube birth videos=” “Mm-mm.”  I waved a hand, “I cannot think about pushing a human out of my body.” “Well that is the last stop.” “Unless I have the baby cut out.” “I hear the healing process is horrific.” “From who?” “My Mom has a friend who had one. She said her cut got infected and she had to get it recut open and they had to clean her out and then sew her up again. They take out all of your organs and plop them on the table next to you.” “Huh.” I nodded, “How do the organs not die?” “I don’t know.” He shrugged, “I guess the doctors are fast.” “Vaginal birth it is. What about epidurals? Have any thoughts on that ol’ wise one?” “My Mom says her back is screwed up. We should ask your Mom.” “Yes, I would love to talk to my mother about my baby by rape.” “Careful,” He wrote something down, “It almost sounded like you don’t want the baby.” “What do you want?” “I actually don’t mind. I just want the baby to know how much I love them.” He nodded, and then looked at me, “I mean how much you love them.” “Your this baby’s parent just as much as I am.” “Can I be in the delivery room?” “Uh, if you want.” “Sophie, you’re my best friend, of course I want to be there.” “Well.” I smiled flipping to a new page in my book, “Names?” He sat back against my head board, “Eli.” “Okay,” I wrote it down. “Haven.” *           I rolled over and started at my alarm clock. Here’s my choices. Get up and shower or sleep for another thirty minutes and then get dressed and head out to work. I sat up and ate two gummy prenatal vitamins. No use in trying to sleep when I know I couldn’t. No need to think about past events. I took a quick shower and pulled my hair into a quick bun. I pulled on some clothes and headed down stairs. “Sweetie, I really wish you’d wake up earlier. You need to get breakfast.”           I looked at the eggs she was scrambling. “Mom, no offense or anything but I have to get out. The eggs stink.”           I hurried from the kitchen and ran into the bathroom. I knelt in front of the toilet, and tapped my fist on the seat waiting for the vomit to come up. I heard running feet, and someone hitting the door frame as they held it. I looked over at Danny. “You good?” “Go.” I waved at him. “No.” “Danny-“           He hurried forward and gathered the strands of hair that had fallen out of my loose knot. Then Mom was there with a cold bottle of water. She handed it to Danny, who screwed off the lid and handed it to me. I rinsed out my mouth and spit in the toilet. I nodded and they hurried to help me to my feet. With my first morning sickness episode behind me I headed off to work. I spent the majority of the day going through boxes of donated books. Yeah I wanted to do more, but I was tired anyways.  After work we drove home, and that’s when I saw it. A sleek silver Mini SUV parked at the curb of our house. Danny saw it too and paused in the middle of the street. Together we looked over the car. I loved over the house for shadows in the windows. “What is your Dad doing here?” “I don’t know.” “You want to come to my house for a bit?” “I should probably go in there and ask why he’s here.” “Want me to come?” “Yeah.”           Danny flipped the car around and parked behind my Dad’s car. He got out and headed up the walk. I could already hear them yelling. We headed inside, and towards the kitchen. I held up a hand to keep Danny from going into the kitchen. “What is the big deal?” Dad was questioning, “It’s just a car.” “The problem is, that she can get her own car. She needs responsibility.” “Well if this little fuck head would of left her alone, she wouldn’t of had to have so much responsibility.” Mom was Quiet, setting her hands on the table and rocking back and forth. “What’s wrong with a little help?” “This isn’t a little help, it’s an expensive ass car.” “She needs something safe to drive the baby around in. Are you crazy?” He questioned, “She’s just as stubborn as you are. I bet she won’t even take the car.”           I looked at Danny, and he pulled me away from the door as they continued to argue about the car. “You need to accept the car.” “What? Why?” “Because your Dad is right. It’s a bigger car, and it looks new so it won’t be breaking down.” “But I don’t-“ “Sophie.” I sighed, “Fine.”           We headed into the kitchen. They were so into their argument, that they didn’t even notice us standing there.  Finally I had to step in before Mom ripped one of Dads’ limbs off and cooked it for Christmas dinner. “I want the car.” “What?” They both turned on me, Mom annoyed, Dad surprised. “How long have you been there?” Mom questioned.           That’s when Dad stood in front of her blocking her from View. “I think you’ll really like it Sophie. Everything is automatic. It has seat warmers, and I had them install a mini computer into the dash.” He held the key’s out to me. “Thanks.” I took the car. “Well,” He clapped his hands and I jumped, “Guess that covers that then huh?”           I moved where I could see Mom- ‘It’s okay,’ I mouthed to her.           She smiled and nodded- ‘I know.’ *    I carefully looked over my outfit turning from side to side. Good, no stomach pudge yet. I ate breakfast with Mom and then sat in my car going over the control. The new car smell was thick and overwhelming. He couldn’t have just bought me a used car like other Dad’s did?  I glanced up as I saw something through the windshield. I watched Danny walk around the car over to the passenger side. As he got in I messed with the controls again. When I figured out the heater and seat warming settings, I pulled away from the curb. I pulled into an empty parking space. Danny and I got out and rounded the car. “People are staring.” I muttered to him, sinking into his side. “It’s the car.”           But what if they were staring because they all knew what happened?    Who happened. He put an arm around me and we headed towards the main building of the school.   Whelp, I didn’t have any vomiting issues. Danny and I snuck off school grounds to go out to lunch.  It was actually pretty easy. Maybe they didn’t think the two of us would ever do something like that. And they used to be right. After lunch we snuck back on campus, using a group of kids to blend with. As we walked we slowly fell back until were where alone. That was actually kind of exciting. We could have gotten caught. Danny would really do anything for me, wouldn’t he? I closed my locker at the end of the day and headed out to the parking lot. There was a group of kids surrounding a girl. They called her names and threw paper wads at her. Keep walking, you don’t need the drama. “Go to an unwed Mother’s home you slut!”           It’s none of your business, you don’t know the girl okay? “Hey!” I yelled rounding my way to them, “Back off.”     They snorted and laughed as they shoved each other as they walked off. I picked up her binder and held it out to her. “You okay Kara?”           She nodded taking the folder. We stood there for a few seconds. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could of helped you.” “With what?” She looked up at me, pushing up her glasses, “It’s not like we’re friends.” Well, okay then. I tried again- “Who’s the father?” “Doesn’t matter.” “Yes it does! He needs to get a job and give you a support sys-“ I paused, “He doesn’t know does he?” “Why would I tell my rapist that I am pregnant?” “Probably for the same reason I haven’t told mine.” “Oh Sophia,” Her shoulders sagged, “I’m sorry.” “Well as long as we stick together who cares what people say you know?” “There’s this support group I go to. You should come with me tonight. It’s at six.” “I think I get off today at five thirty.” “Give me your phone.”           I handed her my phone and watched as she put her number in. She handed it back with a smile. “I’ll text you the address.”           I gave her a hug, and she rocked us from side to side. We pulled a part laughing. I gave her a nod and turned stepping off the curb. It was 6:05 as I sat in front of the building that Kara’s directions led me. I’m not ready for this.  I want to go home and crawl under my bed. But Dad was at the house with his lawyer discussing strategy with Mom. So, I couldn’t go back there. I grabbed my jacket off the seat next to me and pulled it on. Danny offered to come with me, but I needed to do this part on my own if I actually ended up going inside. I turned off the car and headed inside. People sat in plastic chairs in a large circle. I paused at the snack table. “A new face!” A woman walked over to me, “I’m Ms. Jane, you are?” “Sophie. Sophie Mason.” “Well, thanks for coming why don’t you have a seat?”           I looked over the empty chairs. Kara caught my eye as she waved wildly at me. I smiled and hurried over. As I got closer she moved the jacket that was keeping my spot. I sat down and we grabbed each other’s hands at the same time. “I’m glad you came. You had me for a second.” She smiled.           I smiled back and turned to Ms. Jane. I looked over the girls. There were too many girls. Was I going to throw up? I wasn’t the only new girl here today. The few other girls spoke about their stories on chocking sobs. Then it was my turn, but only if I wanted to. I paused for a second before I came out with it. “There was this party that my friends really wanted to go to. She didn’t want to go alone, and knowing that I never go to parties she promised she’d never leave me. Then we got separated through a large crowd, or maybe she lost me on purpose. I don’t know.” “Why don’t you ask her?” One of the girls questioned. “She moved with her parents before I had the chance. Then this guy came over, and it was amazing because he was popular and no one had noticed me standing alone for an hour. I was having a panic attack so he suggested that we go somewhere quiet. He took my into this den area, and then locked the door. He told me it was so I can calm down in piece, but that should have been my first red flag.” A few of the girls nodded, as if they’ve been there. “So he helped me calm down and we talked for what seemed like hours, but it could have only been one hour, it had to be. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him off. Then he got rough and I tried to run, I did but he was too strong for me. He raped me and he had his hand on my throat. He squeezed so hard that I passed out. When I woke up I was alone. I ran home without telling my friend I was leaving. She never called me or texted me to see what happened. And now Jason Reed just get’s to walk free.” “Reed.” Kara sneered.           Then she hunched her shoulders as if she didn’t mean to say that. “James?” I asked her. She nodded. “If you know who your rapist, why don’t you tell the cops?” A girl demanded.           Kara looked down. “Yeah they can do it again to another girl.” “My Mom and Dad are meeting with lawyers. They’re going over their options. I haven’t seen Jason since.” “So he gets to get away with it and we have to see it happen.” I girl was annoyed.           Ms. Jane held up a little black bottle with a key chain on the bottom of it. “Do any of you know that this is?” “It’s pepper spray.” One of them said. “I want you all to have a bottle,” She pulled over two big bins. “The other box is a personal alarm. It makes a loud high pitched sound. It will startle your attacker long enough for you to use your spray and get out. Go ahead.”           We all grabbed a bottle and an alarm. I headed home and parked at the curb. I saw shadows in Danny’s living room. I headed inside. Mom and Dad where at the table with the lawyer. There was paprers everywhere. “Mom?” “Hi honey.” She walked over and kissed my cheek. “Are you here to help catch him?” I asked the man in the suit, “My rapist?” “Yeah.” He nodded. “His name is Jason Reed.” “Wait,” Dad held up a hand. “You know his name?” “I haven’t seen him since the night of the party.” “A party?” Dad demanded looking at Mom. “She didn’t know I went.” “Really Caroline?” Dad was angry, “You didn’t know.” “I told her I was spending the night at Jessie’s.”       The lawyer stepped in walking over to me. “Do you know anything else about this kid? Do you know his middle name, where he lives, is he in sports?” “He’s on the football team.” He nodded, and went to his computer. “Is there a way to catch another rapist? Like in this case?” “What do you mean?” Dad asked. “I went to this group tonight. I met a girl in school today and we went to the group.” “Why are so many girls getting raped?” Mom muttered. “I know it’s a different case I get that.” I assured the lawyer, “But this girl who got rapped is my friend and our kids are going to be cousins.” “Where the hell are their parents?” The lawyer demanded. “More important where is this girl at?” Dad turned to me, “I need her parent’s number. They need to be in this case. I’ll cover all expenses, tell them that.” “I’ll get it after school.” I promised. *   “My parents don’t even know that I am pregnant.” “Well then let my Dad talk to them for you. He can explain everything.”    She took a deep breath and blew it out just as fast. She let her back pack slide off her arm and dug through the little pocket. She grabbed a green high lighter, and nodded holding out her hand. I gave her my hand and watched her write down a number. She capped the high lighter and zipped up her back as I looked at my hnad. I pulled her into a hug. “This is going to be good.” “If you say so.” “It is.” I pulled back, holding onto her shoulders, “These are our babies, and we need to protect them.” “You’re right.” She squeezed my wrist and then headed into class.     I took a deep breath and looked at my hand. This better be the damn right thing.       That afternoon after school we both sat on the couch in the living room. We had just finished our load of homework and Kara imitated her brain exploding. I laughed and pushed her arm. “I come baring food,” Danny announced setting a pizza down with a bottle of soda. “Danny!” I smiled at him, “Wecome!” “Hi Danny,” Kara wave a bit. “Hey.” He nodded. “Kara.” I introuduced them. “I think I have you in my Math class.” “Yeah.” She smiled. “Kara and I are in the same-“ I paused snapping my fingers for the words to come. “Rut?” She offered. “Yes!” I laughed. “I’m really sorry Kara.” Danny nodded at her.           And we all fell quiet. “But We get a baby right?” Kara looked at me, “That’s good.” “Uh-“ “Of course it is!” Danny clapped his hands, Pizza, dig in!”       Danny sat down next to me, and we all reached for a slice of pizza. Danny grabbed the remote and clicked on the T.v. “Ooh leave it!” Kara grabbed my arm as if I had the remote, “Please.”      The screen ran over a vas land of grassy hills and large trees. When the setting finally took place, showing America the next bachelor, Danny and I both Choked on our pizza. Danny reached over and patted my back. “What?” Kara demanded to be in on this, “What happened?”       I pointed at the T.v unable to speak. What? How is this even possible? Kara looked at the T.v confused and then at Danny for explanation, but he was just as shocked as I. “Welcoming this season’s Bachelor, Mitch Mason.” “No!” She sat on the floor, scooting towards the T.v as if something good was about to happen. “No effin’ way you guys.” “But how,” I questioned, “Is this even possible?” “Sh!” Kara flapped her arm at me, “It’s starting!”       She first dates began in slow motion. The conversations continued one after the other. I could actually feel his pain with some of the girls. And then? One conversation caught my attention. “I do have a daughter,” Dad was going on, “She’s sixteen.” “Oh I love her already!” One of the girls gushed. “Oh gag me with a spoon!” I yelled at the T.v, as the two of them laughed, Danny rolling onto his side. “I can’t wait to meet her!” The three of us collectively made gagging noises. “What in the hell was he thinking?” I wanted to know. “Oh come on.” Kara swooned, “He wants to find true love.” “True love doesn’t exist.” I snorted. “Sure it does.” “My mother is exhibit A!” I shouted. “Sh!” She flapped her arm at me.      I flapped both of mine at her, Danny choking on air as he laughed. The three of us looked at each other mouths open confused as our math teacher went on her date. “Yes, I know her. Good girl.”         The two of them laughed and clinked their wines glasses. “What was that laugh for?” Kara asked, hugging a pillow now. “I know!” I demanded smacking Danny in his chest as if he had been there hiding in the bushes laughing right along with them.     He burst out in fresh tears as he laughed. We all leaned in for more information, as to how serious this would come to be, but that was about it as the doctor who tested me came on. “Hey!” I said smacking Danny. Being tired of being smacked he grabbed my wrist and bit my hand. “Wait!” Kara sat up, “Who is she?” “It’s my doctor.” “Oh, this is good.” She reached for another slice of pizza.     Danny and I sat on the floor next to her, bringing down the bottle of soda. We continued to watch a few dates. “What are you guys doing?” Mom asked setting her purse and keys on the cough. “Dad’s the new bachelor, “ I informed her. “What,” She dove onto her knees beside Danny, “Was he thinking?” “Pizza?” Kara offered the box, eyes glued to the T.v. “Thanks.” Mom reached for a piece blindly until grabbing one. “My Doctor’s on here.” I let her know. “Remind me to switch doctors.” “Will do.” I bit into my pizza. * I woke up in a light sweat fighting against my sheets. I turned on the light next to me and looked around my dim room. I was here, in my room. No party. Danny rolled over to face me. “Hey.” His eye’s where still closed as he grabbed my hand. “You’re okay.” “Yeah.” I muttered, holding onto his hand. “What?” He looked at me. “Bad dream.” I shook it off. “You want to tell me about it?” “Jason followed me home from the party and was trying to kill me.” “Jason?” I froze. Shit. “Who’s Jason Sophie?” He demanded, “He rapped you?” “Yes but-“ “You knew!” He fought against the sheets and stood up, “What’s this bastard’s last name?” “Danny-“ I reached for his arm and he flung it into the air. “His last name, now!” “Danny you promised you’d stay with me.” “I promised you I’d stay that one night. How could you not tell me that you knew his name?”       The light flicked on. “What’s going on?” Mom questioned, “Are you guys okay?” “I have to go.” “Danny-“ “No!” He yelled and hurried form the room. Mom and I stayed silent as we listened to him run down the stairs and slam the door. I jerked at the sound, as if my finger had gotten caught in the door. * Mom was sitting at the table with a woman and a Man as they drank coffee. The lawyer was on his computer. Kara was sitting at the table as well her face wet from crying, but she wasn’t actually crying anymore. Danny leanded against the wal his arms folded around himself. “What happened?” I demanded, dropping my back pack on the floor. I ran over to Kara, rubbing her back as I pulled over a chair. “It’s okay.” She only nodded. “Sophie,” The man spoke up, “I’m Kara’s father.” “Okay, but before you get mad-“ “Mad?” Her Dad scoffed, “I’m not mad. I’m hurt that Kara didn’t feel like she could tell us what happened to her.” The woman beside him began to sob, and Mom grabbed her hand in a white knuckle grip. “I understand that you’re in the same,” He paused, “Situation.” That was an even better word that rut, for sure. I nodded as the lawyer looked up. “I think,” Her dad paused, “We all think, That-“ He sighed, and gave me a sad smile. “I think with the two of you combined,” The lawyer stepped in, “This is a really good case. A strong one.” “Okay.” I hinted for more information. “With the information we have, and the names of the boys, we have enough to have them arrested and brought in for questioning.” “What?” I looked at Mom. “Honey, It’s time.” “A mother is always right.” Kara’s Mother nodded at me. “But-“ I looked at them all, a united front unwavering, “Kara-“ She grabbed my hand and took in a ragged breath, “You said. Remember?”   I nodded, biting back tears and my swollen throat, “Okay.” “Mr. Pearson will drive the two of you to school, and I’ll be right behind you. A few officers will met us there. All you two have to do is identify the two. You’ll be safe.” Kara Nodded. “Okay.” I stood up, as did Mr. Pearson. “Are you ready Daniel?” He pushed in his chair. “Yes sir.” He pushed off the wall and went to pick up mine and Kara’s back packs. “Does Dad know that we’re moving forward with the case?” I wanted to know. “I thought it best to wait. With the time difference and all.” Mom nodded. “He’ll be mad.” “I know, but we’ll deal with him later,” She placed her palms on the table and stood up, “Once we get these boys locked up everyone can take a little breath.”  Then she looked at me for a few seconds. “You’ll be fine. You’ll have Ben,” She gestured to Kara’s Dad then the lawyer, “And Nicholas.” Then she walked over to us, and pulled Kara and me into a hug, “Daniel will let nothing happen to you.”  Kara gave my mom a squeeze and we all pulled back. Mom kissed Kara’s forehead and then mine before quickly turning away. But I saw the tears of many on her face before She turned all the way. We climbed into the back of Ben’s car and drove over to the school. I glanced over my shoulder, and sure enough Nicholas was close behind us. Dany grabbed my hand and I looked at him. He was staring out the window. He had my back still. I looked over at Kara who was looking out her window too. I reached down and grabbed her hand. She looked at me and Smiled, tilting her head a bit.  I shook our hands and smiled back. She was ready for this. We had to protect our baby. She would protect mine, just as fast as I would hers. We parked close to the three police cars. Students glanced at them but continued on their way. It was when we walked over to the cars to meet the cops, that they began to stare for a few seconds longer. “We have cops stationed at all of the exits.” One of the officers informed Nicholas, “We’re ready when you are.” “I’ll wait out here.” Ben told us. “What? Why?” “Honey, I can’t be in the same area as James.” “But I need you.” Kara was confused as to why her Dad would even say that. “Okay.” “Can you handle yourself sir?” The officer asked. “Yes.” Ben nodded.      Kara, Danny and I grabbed hands and walked towards the entrance of the school. Ben, Nicholas, and a few officers created a wall around us. Now everyone was staring with no shame. Waiting for the first gossip to drop. This was a bad idea.  Kara felt my pause and took a large step forward tightening her grip on my hand pulling me with her. Right, we have to. Jason, Obviously, was the first one we found. He was standing in front of his locker laughing with his friends. Carefree. Then he looked over and saw us. And He knew, that we were there for him. He pushed past his friend and darted down the hall. “That’s him.”       Two of the cops ran down the hall after him. When they grabbed him, they didn’t waste any time with putting him in hand cuffs. As they came closer, a cop on each side of him, I held my breath. Then he was right in front of me. “You stupid bitch!” He yelled at me viscously enough for me to feel a bit of spittle in my cheek, “You’re such a slut, everyone knows that.”    Danny came out of nowhere. Before anyone could stop him, He punched him. A cop grabbed Danny and another walked over holding cuffs. “Wait, wait,” Nicholas jumped in front of Danny, “Think of the extra paper work you’ll have to do huh?” They grumbled and walked away.     I blew out my breath and everything sped up. The cops bringing Jason down then hall, Danny grabbing me and Kara in a hug, holding us close. There was a shouting down the hall and a couple of cops where almost literally dragging James by his signature leather jacket. As they came closer, slow motion hit again. Danny’s arms lifter over our heads. I looked at him confused, and He grabbed me by the shoulders, and guided me towards Kara, who grabbed me and pulled me around her out of the way of Danny. He only got in a couple of steps before Ben and Nicholas grabbed his arms. And then James was upon us. “Kara,” He sneered, “You need to stop this. You know you liked it. You where begging for it, your whore.”  There are multiple things that a Dad will teach his daughter throughout her life. How to change a tire, and how to realize that she is better than some boy who cheats on her. But the most important thing that he will teach his daughter, and will be the most proud of, is the right hook she will master. Everyone paused, mouths open. “I’m sorry.” I looked at my hand middle knuckle split open a bit, “I don’t know what happened. “ “I hear muscle spasms are getting crucial these days.” Kara grabbed me by my arms and walked me down the hall away. I looked over my shoulder so See Danny scooping up our bags. People moved out of our way as we passed. “They’re scared of me?” I questioned. “Well you did just knock a guy out.” Kara was trying to not laugh. “I did?” I asked, eyes wide, and then she was laughing, “I don’t even remember!” *    Ben offered me a ride home and I took it. I stood in the arch way of the kitchen, watching Mom talk on the phone. She looked annoyed, yet understanding. She had to be talking to my Dad. I raised my fist and knocked on the wall twice. Mom spun around. “Sophie!” She huffed, “You scared me!” “Sorry.” I set my bag on the table, “They arrested them. I even got a trophy.”         I showed her my hand and she gasped. “Damn you Mitch.” Mom said handing me the phone. I put it to my ear to hear him laughing, then, “What did I do?” “I punched James.” “You did?” “Want me to send you a picture?” I could hear mom in the bathroom opening the mirror. “Yeah.”         I took a picture of my hand and sent it to him. “Did you get it?” A pause, then a ridiculous laugh that made me smile. “That’s my girl.” “Mom ran to the medicine cabinet.” “Nothing a bag of peas can’t fix, put her on.” I found Mom digging through a first aid box. “Dad.” I held the phone out and she reached for it. I raised my hand, “I’m going to find a bag of peas.” “Honestly,” Mom was saying as I walked away, “I had to have a daughter with an Idiot.”      I smiled as I pulled onto the fridge and looked around for a bag of peas. When I finally found one I sat down at the table and Placed it on my hand. Ouch. I lifted it off to see the damage. I was already bruising. I washed my hand off and dried it off with a paper towel. Then I placed the bag of peas back.  I looked up as Danny came in. “Twinsies.” He showed me his bag of carrots.  We laughed and fist bumped with our bags. Mom chose that time to walk in hands full of medical supplies. She looked at the both of us and sighed. “You too?” She demanded.      Kara came in next and Mom glared at her, “Let me see your hands.” Confused she held them out. Mom sighed, “Well at least one of you aren’t dumb.”   Still confused, she looked over at us. Then at our bags and laughed. Mom glared at her, and she stopped, eyes going wide. Danny and I both had our turns of hand wrapping. The bag of peas and carrots really did help with the swelling.  *   As the months passed I got really close with Kara. We continued to go to the group therapies, and Kara smiled with pride as she had first showed off my hand to the other girls. School was a mix of support and hate. Kara and I went on independent study, and a few weeks later Danny joined us. The three of us soon became so close, that you wouldn’t of eve guested that Danny and I had grown up without Kara.     The three of us sat in chairs lined against the wall as Mom and Holly-Kara’s mom- signed us in. I think Danny was the most excited of us all. “Well, are we excited or what?” He wanted to know. “I have to pee.” Kara whined. “Me too.” “Full bladder makes it easier for them to see the baby.” He informed us. “Huh?” Kara looked at him and then me. “He’s reading what to expect when you are expecting.” I explained. “And I joined a blog.” He announced proudly. Kara snorted, and I laughed. “Well when you two have issues, I’ll be the one with the answers.”    The ultrasound Tech called us back and all of us crammed into the small room. The tech got the chair ready and then turned to us. “Who want’s to go first.” “Me.” I pushed past Kara, “Out of the way.”       We all laughed as I sat down. The tech smeared the gel onto my stomach and typed something into the machine. Everyone got their phones out and started filming. The tech was about to put the stick on my stomach but jumped startled, as Kara let out a sob. She was crying full blown, holding my phone and hers. “It’s hormones.” Danny felt the need to inform us all. “This is going to be the biggest moment of our lives so far.” She hiccupped. “This is a big moment okay?”    Everyone laughed as her mom gave her a hug. The tech then continued to find the baby. I grabbed Danny’s free hand. I watched as the baby sucked it’s thumb. No one said anything, which made it easy for the rest of the world to fall away.  A human being was inside of me. This was real. Then the tech spoke and I wiped my face. “Did you want to know the sex yet?” “Yes!” Kara yelled, and then cried again. The tech laughed with us this time, “Okay, so it’s a little girl.”      A little girl. A girl I had to protect from a rapist. I did do the right thing. I protected my daughter. The tech heled me wipe the gel off and then Kara traded places with me handing me the phones as we did. I handed my phone to Danny as I switched places with him. I took Kara’s hand and aimed her phone at the screen. I let out a big breath and everyone looked at me. “I can feel it now.” And I was crying. “Stop,” Kara sat up crying pulling me in for a hug. “Okay, if you guys don’t mind.” Danny spoke up, “I’m really just here to see what Kara’s having, so let’s get back on track okay?” “Oh.” I laughed, wiping my face. “Okay,” Kara laughed sitting back on the chair.     Kara’s baby Hand their foot in their hand. I could feel myself crying as I watched the baby. It looked as if they were looking at their foot trying to figure out what it was. I looked at Kara to see if she was getting any of this, and saw how pretty she was when she cried. True love rally did exist. And hers was on the screen. I might of protected my daughter by turning in Jason, but I new in my heart that her cousin, Kara’s little boy would protect her when I couldn’t. * Kara sighed and Crumpled the paper she was writing on. She tossed it randomly hitting Danny in the head. “Hey.” He objected. “Sorry.” She sighed, “I’ll never find a name for this baby.” “I like Josh.” Danny offered. “Josh.” She said as if she was testing the name, “Joshua.” “Josh and Elsie.” I looked over at her. “I like it.” She nodded, “They flow together really well.” “Now all we need is middle names.” Danny said from where he sat on the floor his back against the bed.    Kara and I both reached for a pillow grabbing the same one. Together we used it to smack him in the head. “Hey!” “Anyways,” Kara rolled her eyes and him then looked to me, “Wouldn’t it be so cute if we had a joint baby shower?” “Who’s going to come?” I snorted. “Well our parents and the girls in the group for sure.” “At least we don’t need a lot of food.” “That’s the spirit,” Kara tossed a ball of paper at me. “We can keep it small. Just us you know?” “I like the idea.” Danny said, then quickly looked over his shoulder holding up his arm ready to fight off an attack.      I paused with my pillow raised. “We can use your back yard,” Kara tapped my knee. “Fine, whatever.” “Yes.” Kara reached over to give Danny a High five.    Just then the doorbell rang and we all trooped down stairs to answer the door. I reached for the door knob with Kara and Danny behind me on my heels like two curious toddlers. “Chris?” I asked confused. “Sophie!” He came inside like an old friend and gave me a hug. “Hi.” “We need to talk. Your Dad is okay.” We all sat down in the living room, “Your Dad wants you to meet the last two girls.” “No way.” “I understand where you’re coming from. But it would really mean the world to him if you showed up. You mean a lot to him.” “I’ll be there.”     The next Day Mom, Danny, Kara and I were flown to Italy. They stayed in the hotel while I went down to the hotel restaurant and bar. I was pointed in Dad’s dirction and He waved. I headed over. “You made it!” He gave me a hug, “May I?” I nodded. He put a hand on my stomach, “Hey there kiddo, it’s grandpa. I can’t wait to teach you a good right hook.” “Woah hey!” I pushed his hand away and he laughed.    The first girl I’m supposed to meet is Alice. She’s pretty enough with a short blonde bob. She walks over, and tried to give me a hug. “Oh, no hugs. I don’t like anyone near my baby.” “You’re pregnant.” She looks revolted by me and I smile.     We shake hands, talk a little bit, and then it’s Kristen’s turn. Kristn had light brown curly hair. The top of her hair is pulled back in  a bun and the rest is flowing down her back. She smiled at me and kisses Dad’s cheek. When she moved onto me I delivered my line. “Oh, okay,” She smiled, “I completely understand.” We shook hands. “Do you know what you’re having yet?” “A girl. I’m naming her Elsie.” “Oh that’s such a cute name.” “You can feel her,” My mouth said before my brain caught up. “Really?” She smiled, bringing her hands to her chin. “Yeah.” I nodded. “This is so exciting.” She reached out, “Okay.”      As her hand made contact with my stomach Elise kicked. This was the one. “Oh my gosh.” She gave my stomach a rub.     Once she leave Dad and I sit outside on the pock with some sodas. We have to pause for a bit so the cameras can get a good shot of father and daughter. Then Dad starts in. “Thanks for coming.” “Yeah.” I nodded, mixing my drink with my straw. “What do you think about the girls?”   I try not to glance at the cameras, but see the red light to where everyone is watching. “I don’t like Alice. I think she’s rude and I really don’t see myself getting along with her. I don’t want her around Elise. I like Kristen though.” He nodded, “Alright, give me a hug.” And I do. For the cameras. “Cut!” Someone called, and I quickly pulled away from him.   *  For the next week I tried to text with Dad. If he was willing to try and rebuild our relationship, then I could offer him a little more than my gratitude for him showing me how to throw a punch. “It’s on!” Danny called.     I hurried from the kitchen with the bowl of popcorn. I sit down next to Kara and hold out the bowl. It’s a short recap first. “So we met his daughter over the weekend, “Alice pauses for what I guess is for a dramatic effect, “And she’s Pregnant! Oh my god, and she’s like, only sixteen. Who gets pregnant at sixteen. Like you should know better.” “I feel you sis.” I raised a piece of popcorn and everyone laughed. “Sophie?” Kristen laughed, “I love her. She’s so sweet and funny.”     Then we zoomed forward to watch the two get ready for their proposal. It’s kind of screwed up in a way. They’ve been dreaming for this moment for a long time, and they’re getting all dolled up, and one of them will get a slap in the face. A no. I mean, it would be messed up if Kristen got the no. “Alice,” Dad reached out and took her hand. “I have fallen in love with you.” “Oh gosh,” She was trying to not Cry, and then smiled at Dad. “But Sophie is the most important person to me.” She continued to smile. “Well until She gives birth to my granddaughter.” Smile falters, but not for long. “I can’t imagine, for one second, that I would make her uncomfortable, So I’ll have to say goodbye to you.” “What?” We all yelled He listened to me?      She was driving away. “Big mistake. No one will put up with that daughter of his like I would.           Around of snorts.        Kristen Joined Dad, and they hugged. Here we go, Kara and I scooted a bit forward. Dad gave a long epic speech before getting down on one knee and proposing. “Yes!” She laugh cried, “But first,” She turned to the camera, “I love you Sophie.” She blew me  kiss, and then Dad spilled the ring on her finger. “Mom?” “What?” She questioned. “Are you crying?” “She totally is!” Kara laughed. “What?” She laughed wiping her face. “That’s the only thing a Mom could hope for. If there is going to be another woman in their life, she wants them to love their child. It doesn’t matter that her and the Dad didn’t work out any more.” There was a show that was vied live. “Is there someone missing Mitch?” Chris wanted to know. “Yeah,” Dad was still looking around. “Shit!” I stood up. “Sophie.” “Let’s go, come on!” Kara stood up.       We got into the car and drove the hour to the studio. “Well that wraps up tonight’s show.” Chris was saying. “Daddy I’m Here!” I called. Everyone, cameras included, looked to me, “I made it!”           He grinned and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged Kristen and we kissed cheeks. “Well, let’s whish this family a happy ending, goodnight.” * Giving birth wasn’t easy. It took its toll on me, and Kara. We had both gone into Labor hours apart. For contamination reasons, They wouldn’t let us share a room. Mom and Dad went over to the food hall. I sat on the bed holding Elise. Danny was sitting next to me. He adjusted her little hat. Kara came into the room Pushing Josh in a glass cradle,. “I’m here.” She announced out of breath, “I threatened them.” “Who?” I laughed. “All over them.” She waved a hand over her head. “Let me see.” She leaned over and put her hand on Elise’s chest, “Hello auntie’s sweet girl.” “Kara,” Danny got up. “Come and get in the bed with her, so I can take a picture.” “Okay.” Kara picked up Josh and got in the bed with me. We stuck our cheeks together, and smiled. * I dozed off.    Danny was standing my Elsie’s cradle. He had her in his arms and was bouncing her. They were having a full blown conversation. Elsie was holding onto his finger and every word. “And we’re going to have a lot of fun. All the ice cream you want.” He was promising. “I can teach you lots of things. How to change a tire, how to drive, who to throw a good punch. Well, maybe we’ll leave that one up for your Mom huh?”    And the world slowed down for a few seconds, as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Publication Date: April 19th 2018 https://www.bookrix.com/-chalen

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-richard-brinsley-sheridan-the-rivals/

Richard Brinsley Sheridan The Rivals PREFACE A preface to a play seems generally to be considered as a kind of closet-prologue, in which - if his piece has been successful - the author solicits that indulgence from the reader which he had before experienced from the audience: but as the scope and immediate object of a play is to please a mixed assembly in representation (whose judgment in the theatre at least is decisive,) its degree of reputation is usually as determined as public, before it can be prepared for the cooler tribunal of the study. Thus any farther solicitude on the part of the writer becomes unnecessary at least, if not an intrusion: and if the piece has been condemned in the performance, I fear an address to the closet, like an appeal to posterity, is constantly regarded as the procrastination of a suit, from a consciousness of the weakness of the cause. From these considerations, the following comedy would certainly have been submitted to the reader, without any farther introduction than what it had in the representation, but that its success has probably been founded on a circumstance which the author is informed has not before attended a theatrical trial, and which consequently ought not to pass unnoticed. I need scarcely add, that the circumstance alluded to was the withdrawing of the piece, to remove those imperfections in the first representation which were too obvious to escape reprehension, and too numerous to admit of a hasty correction. There are few writers, I believe, who, even in the fullest consciousness of error, do not wish to palliate the faults which they acknowledge; and, however trifling the performance, to second their confession of its deficiencies, by whatever plea seems least disgraceful to their ability. In the present instance, it cannot be said to amount either to candour or modesty in me, to acknowledge an extreme inexperience and want of judgment on matters, in which, without guidance from practice, or spur from success, a young man should scarcely boast of being an adept. If it be said, that under such disadvantages no one should attempt to write a play, I must beg leave to dissent from the position, while the first point of experience that I have gained on the subject is, a knowledge of the candour and judgment with which an impartial public distinguishes between the errors of inexperience and incapacity, and the indulgence which it shows even to a disposition to remedy the defects of either. It were unnecessary to enter into any further extenuation of what was thought exceptionable in this play, but that it has been said, that the managers should have prevented some of the defects before its appearance to the public - and in particular the uncommon length of the piece as represented the first night. It were an ill return for the most liberal and gentlemanly conduct on their side, to suffer any censure to rest where none was deserved. Hurry in writing has long been exploded as an excuse for an author; - however, in the dramatic line, it may happen, that both an author and a manager may wish to fill a chasm in the entertainment of the public with a hastiness not altogether culpable. The season was advanced when I first put the play into Mr. Harris's hands: it was at that time at least double the length of any acting comedy. I profited by his judgment and experience in the curtailing of it - till, I believe, his feeling for the vanity of a young author got the better of his desire for correctness, and he left many excrescences remaining, because he had assisted in pruning so many more. Hence, though I was not uninformed that the acts were still too long, I flattered myself that, after the first trial, I might with safer judgment proceed to remove what should appear to have been most dissatisfactory. Many other errors there were, which might in part have arisen from my being by no means conversant with plays in general, either in reading or at the theatre. Yet I own that, in one respect, I did not regret my ignorance: for as my first wish in attempting a play was to avoid every appearance of plagiary, I thought I should stand a better chance of effecting this from being in a walk which I had not frequented, and where, consequently, the progress of invention was less likely to be interrupted by starts of recollection: for on subjects on which the mind has been much informed, invention is slow of exerting itself. Faded ideas float in the fancy like half-forgotten dreams; and the imagination in its fullest enjoyments becomes suspicious of its offspring, and doubts whether it has created or adopted. With regard to some particular passages which on the first night's representation seemed generally disliked, I confess, that if I felt any emotion of surprise at the disapprobation, it was not that they were disapproved of, but that I had not before perceived that they deserved it. As some part of the attack on the piece was begun too early to pass for the sentence of judgment , which is ever tardy in condemning, it has been suggested to me, that much of the disapprobation must have arisen from virulence of malice, rather than severity of criticism: but as I was more apprehensive of there being just grounds to excite the latter than conscious of having deserved the former, I continue not to believe that probable, which I am sure must have been unprovoked. However, if it was so, and I could even mark the quarter from whence it came, it would be ungenerous to retort: for no passion suffers more than malice from disappointment. For my own part, I see no reason why the author of a play should not regard a first night's audience as a candid and judicious friend attending, in behalf of the public, at his last rehearsal. If he can dispense with flattery, he is sure at least of sincerity, and even though the annotation be rude, he may rely upon the justness of the comment. Considered in this light, that audience, whose fiat is essential to the poet's claim, whether his object be fame or profit, has surely a right to expect some deference to its opinion, from principles of politeness at least, if not from gratitude. As for the little puny critics, who scatter their peevish strictures in private circles, and scribble at every author who has the eminence of being unconnected with them, as they are usually spleen-swoln from a vain idea of increasing their consequence, there will always be found a petulance and illiberality in their remarks, which should place them as far beneath the notice of a gentleman, as their original dulness had sunk them from the level of the most unsuccessful author. It is not without pleasure that I catch at an opportunity of justifying myself from the charge of intending any national reflection in the character of Sir Lucius O'Trigger. If any gentlemen opposed the piece from that idea, I thank them sincerely for their opposition; and if the condemnation of this comedy (however misconceived the provocation) could have added one spark to the decaying flame of national attachment to the country supposed to be reflected on, I should have been happy in its fate, and might with truth have boasted, that it had done more real service in its failure, than the successful morality of a thousand stage-novels will ever effect. It is usual, I believe, to thank the performers in a new play, for the exertion of their several abilities. But where (as in this instance) their merit has been so striking and uncontroverted, as to call for the warmest and truest applause from a number of judicious audiences, the poet's after-praise comes like the feeble acclamation of a child to close the shouts of a multitude. The conduct, however, of the principals in a theatre cannot be so apparent to the public. I think it therefore but justice to declare, that from this theatre (the only one I can speak of from experience) those writers who wish to try the dramatic line will meet with that candour and liberal attention, which are generally allowed to be better calculated to lead genius into excellence, than either the precepts of judgment, or the guidance of experience. The AUTHOR DRAMATIS PERSONAE As originally acted at COVENT GARDEN THEATRE in 1775 Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE FAULKLAND ACRES Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER FAG DAVID THOMAS Mrs. MALAPROP LYDIA LANGUISH JULIA LUCY Maid, Boy, Servants, &c. SCENE - Bath. Time of action - Five hours. PROLOGUE By the AUTHOR [Enter SERJEANT-AT-LAW, and ATTORNEY following, and giving a paper.] SERJEANT What's here! - a vile cramp hand! I cannot see Without my spectacles. ATTORNEY He means his fee. Nay, Mr. Serjeant, good sir, try again. [Gives money.] SERJEANT The scrawl improves! [more] O come, 'tis pretty plain. Hey! how's this? Dibble! - sure it cannot be! A poet's brief! a poet and a fee! ATTORNEY Yes, sir! though you without reward, I know, Would gladly plead the Muse's cause. SERJEANT So! - so! ATTORNEY And if the fee offends, your wrath should fall On me. SERJEANT Dear Dibble, no offence at all. ATTORNEY Some sons of Phoebus in the courts we meet, SERJEANT And fifty sons of Phoebus in the Fleet! ATTORNEY Nor pleads he worse, who with a decent sprig Of bays adorns his legal waste of wig. SERJEANT Full-bottom'd heroes thus, on signs, unfurl A leaf of laurel in a grove of curl! Yet tell your client, that, in adverse days, This wig is warmer than a bush of bays. ATTORNEY Do you, then, sir, my client's place supply, Profuse of robe, and prodigal of tie - Do you, with all those blushing powers of face, And wonted bashful hesitating grace, Rise in the court, and flourish on the case. [Exit.] SERJEANT For practice then suppose - this brief will show it, - Me, Serjeant Woodward, - counsel for the poet. Used to the ground, I know 'tis hard to deal With this dread court, from whence there's no appeal; No tricking here, to blunt the edge of law, Or, damn'd in equity, escape by flaw: But judgment given, your sentence must remain; No writ of error lies - to Drury Lane: Yet when so kind you seem, 'tis past dispute We gain some favour, if not costs of suit. No spleen is here! I see no hoarded fury; - I think I never faced a milder jury! Sad else our plight! where frowns are transportation. A hiss the gallows, and a groan damnation! But such the public candour, without fear My client waives all right of challenge here. No newsman from our session is dismiss'd, Nor wit nor critic we scratch off the list; His faults can never hurt another's ease, His crime, at worst, a bad attempt to please: Thus, all respecting, he appeals to all, And by the general voice will stand or fall. Prologue By the AUTHOR SPOKEN ON THE TENTH NIGHT, BY MRS. BULKLEY. Granted our cause, our suit and trial o'er, The worthy serjeant need appear no more: In pleasing I a different client choose, He served the Poet - I would serve the Muse. Like him, I'll try to merit your applause, A female counsel in a female's cause. Look on this form - where humour, quaint and sly, Dimples the cheek, and points the beaming eye; Where gay invention seems to boast its wiles In amorous hint, and half-triumphant smiles; While her light mask or covers satire's strokes, Or hides the conscious blush her wit provokes. Look on her well - does she seem form'd to teach? Should you expect to hear this lady preach? Is grey experience suited to her youth? Do solemn sentiments become that mouth? Bid her be grave, those lips should rebel prove To every theme that slanders mirth or love. Yet, thus adorn'd with every graceful art To charm the fancy and yet reach the heart - Must we displace her? And instead advance The goddess of the woful countenance - The sentimental Muse! - Her emblems view, The Pilgrim's Progress, and a sprig of rue! View her - too chaste to look like flesh and blood - Primly portray'd on emblematic wood! There, fix'd in usurpation, should she stand, She'll snatch the dagger from her sister's hand: And having made her votaries weep a flood, Good heaven! she'll end her comedies in blood - Bid Harry Woodward break poor Dunstal's crown! Imprison Quick, and knock Ned Shuter down; While sad Barsanti, weeping o'er the scene, Shall stab herself - or poison Mrs. Green. Such dire encroachments to prevent in time, Demands the critic's voice - the poet's rhyme. Can our light scenes add strength to holy laws! Such puny patronage but hurts the cause: Fair virtue scorns our feeble aid to ask; And moral truth disdains the trickster's mask For here their favourite stands, whose brow severe And sad, claims youth's respect, and pity's tear; Who, when oppress'd by foes her worth creates, Can point a poniard at the guilt she hates. ACT I * * * * * * * Scene I. - A street. [Enter THOMAS; he crosses the stage; FAG follows, looking after him.] FAG What! Thomas! sure 'tis he? - What! Thomas! Thomas! THOMAS Hey! - Odd's life! Mr. Fag! - give us your hand, my old fellow-servant. FAG Excuse my glove, Thomas: - I'm devilish glad to see you, my lad. Why, my prince of charioteers, you look as hearty! - but who the deuce thought of seeing you in Bath? THOMAS Sure, master, Madam Julia, Harry, Mrs. Kate, and the postillion, be all come. FAG Indeed! THOMAS Ay, master thought another fit of the gout was coming to make him a visit; - so he'd a mind to gi't the slip, and whip! we were all off at an hour's warning. FAG Ay, ay, hasty in every thing, or it would not be Sir Anthony Absolute! THOMAS But tell us, Mr. Fag, how does young master? Odd! Sir Anthony will stare to see the Captain here! FAG I do not serve Captain Absolute now. THOMAS Why sure! FAG At present I am employed by Ensign Beverley. THOMAS I doubt, Mr. Fag, you ha'n't changed for the better. FAG I have not changed, Thomas. THOMAS No! Why didn't you say you had left young master? FAG No. - Well, honest Thomas, I must puzzle you no farther: - briefly then - Captain Absolute and Ensign Beverley are one and the same person. THOMAS The devil they are! FAG So it is indeed, Thomas; and the ensign half of my master being on guard at present - the captain has nothing to do with me. THOMAS So, so! - What, this is some freak, I warrant! - Do tell us, Mr. Fag, the meaning o't - you know I ha' trusted you. FAG You'll be secret, Thomas? THOMAS As a coach-horse. FAG Why then the cause of all this is - Love, - Love, Thomas, who (as you may get read to you) has been a masquerader ever since the days of Jupiter. THOMAS Ay, ay; - I guessed there was a lady in the case: - but pray, why does your master pass only for ensign? - Now if he had shammed general indeed - - FAG Ah! Thomas, there lies the mystery o' the matter. Hark'ee, Thomas, my master is in love with a lady of a very singular taste: a lady who likes him better as a half pay ensign than if she knew he was son and heir to Sir Anthony Absolute, a baronet of three thousand a year. THOMAS That is an odd taste indeed! - But has she got the stuff, Mr. Fag? Is she rich, hey? FAG Rich! - Why, I believe she owns half the stocks! Zounds! Thomas, she could pay the national debt as easily as I could my washerwoman! She has a lapdog that eats out of gold, - she feeds her parrot with small pearls, - and all her thread-papers are made of bank-notes! THOMAS Bravo, faith! - Odd! I warrant she has a set of thousands at least: - but does she draw kindly with the captain? FAG As fond as pigeons. THOMAS May one hear her name? FAG Miss Lydia Languish. - But there is an old tough aunt in the way; though, by-the-by, she has never seen my master - for we got acquainted with miss while on a visit in Gloucestershire. THOMAS Well - I wish they were once harnessed together in matrimony. - But pray, Mr. Fag, what kind of a place is this Bath? - I ha' heard a deal of it - here's a mort o' merrymaking, hey? FAG Pretty well, Thomas, pretty well - 'tis a good lounge; in the morning we go to the pump-room (though neither my master nor I drink the waters); after breakfast we saunter on the parades, or play a game at billiards; at night we dance; but damn the place, I'm tired of it: their regular hours stupify me - not a fiddle nor a card after eleven! - However, Mr. Faulkland's gentleman and I keep it up a little in private parties; - I'll introduce you there, Thomas - you'll like him much. THOMAS Sure I know Mr. Du-Peigne - you know his master is to marry Madam Julia. FAG I had forgot. - But, Thomas, you must polish a little - indeed you must. - Here now - this wig! - What the devil do you do with a wig, Thomas? - None of the London whips of any degree of ton wear wigs now. THOMAS More's the pity! more's the pity! I say. - Odd's life! when I heard how the lawyers and doctors had took to their own hair, I thought how 'twould go next: - odd rabbit it! when the fashion had got foot on the bar, I guessed 'twould mount to the box! - but 'tis all out of character, believe me, Mr. Fag: and look'ee, I'll never gi' up mine - the lawyers and doctors may do as they will. FAG Well, Thomas, we'll not quarrel about that. THOMAS Why, bless you, the gentlemen of the professions ben't all of a mind - for in our village now, thoff Jack Gauge, the exciseman, has ta'en to his carrots, there's little Dick the farrier swears he'll never forsake his bob, though all the college should appear with their own heads! FAG Indeed! well said, Dick! - But hold - mark! mark! Thomas. THOMAS Zooks! 'tis the captain. - Is that the Lady with him? FAG No, no, that is Madam Lucy, my master's mistress's maid. They lodge at that house - but I must after him to tell him the news. THOMAS Odd! he's giving her money! - Well, Mr. Fag - - FAG Good-bye, Thomas. I have an appointment in Gyde's porch this evening at eight; meet me there, and we'll make a little party. [Exeunt severally.] * * * * * * * Scene II. - A Dressing-room in Mrs. MALAPROP's Lodgings. [LYDIA sitting on a sofa, with a book in her hand. Lucy, as just returned from a message.] LUCY Indeed, ma'am, I traversed half the town in search of it: I don't believe there's a circulating library in Bath I ha'n't been at. LYDIA And could not you get The Reward of Constancy ? LUCY No, indeed, ma'am. LYDIA Nor The Fatal Connexion ? LUCY No, indeed, ma'am. LYDIA Nor The Mistakes of the Heart ? LUCY Ma'am, as ill luck would have it, Mr. Bull said Miss Sukey Saunter had just fetched it away. LYDIA Heigh-ho! - Did you inquire for The Delicate Distress ? LUCY Or, The Memoirs of Lady Woodford ? Yes, indeed, ma'am. I asked every where for it; and I might have brought it from Mr. Frederick's, but Lady Slattern Lounger, who had just sent it home, had so soiled and dog's-eared it, it wa'n't fit for a Christian to read. LYDIA Heigh-ho! - Yes, I always know when Lady Slattern has been before me. She has a most observing thumb; and, I believe, cherishes her nails for the convenience of making marginal notes. - Well, child, what have you brought me? LUCY Oh! here, ma'am. - [Taking books from under her cloak, and from her pockets.] This is The Gordian Knot , - and this Peregrine Pickle . Here are The Tears of Sensibility , and Humphrey Clinker . This is The Memoirs of a Lady of Quality, written by herself , and here the second volume of The Sentimental Journey . LYDIA Heigh-ho! - What are those books by the glass? LUCY The great one is only The Whole Duty of Man , where I press a few blonds, ma'am. LYDIA Very well - give me the sal volatile. LUCY Is it in a blue cover, ma'am? LYDIA My smelling-bottle, you simpleton! LUCY Oh, the drops! - here, ma'am. LYDIA Hold! - here's some one coming - quick, see who it is. - - [Exit LUCY.] Surely I heard my cousin Julia's voice. [Re-enter LUCY.] LUCY Lud! ma'am, here is Miss Melville. LYDIA Is it possible! - - [Exit LUCY.] [Enter JULIA.] LYDIA My dearest Julia, how delighted am I! - [Embrace.] How unexpected was this happiness! JULIA True, Lydia - and our pleasure is the greater. - But what has been the matter? - you were denied to me at first! LYDIA Ah, Julia, I have a thousand things to tell you! - But first inform me what has conjured you to Bath? - Is Sir Anthony here? JULIA He is - we are arrived within this hour - and I suppose he will be here to wait on Mrs. Malaprop as soon as he is dressed. LYDIA Then before we are interrupted, let me impart to you some of my distress! - I know your gentle nature will sympathize with me, though your prudence may condemn me! My letters have informed you of my whole connection with Beverley; but I have lost him, Julia! My aunt has discovered our intercourse by a note she intercepted, and has confined me ever since! Yet, would you believe it? she has absolutely fallen in love with a tall Irish baronet she met one night since we have been here, at Lady Macshuffle's rout. JULIA You jest, Lydia! LYDIA No, upon my word. - She really carries on a kind of correspondence with him, under a feigned name though, till she chooses to be known to him: - but it is a Delia or a Celia, I assure you. JULIA Then, surely, she is now more indulgent to her niece. LYDIA Quite the contrary. Since she has discovered her own frailty, she is become more suspicious of mine. Then I must inform you of another plague! - That odious Acres is to be in Bath to-day; so that I protest I shall be teased out of all spirits! JULIA Come, come, Lydia, hope for the best - Sir Anthony shall use his interest with Mrs. Malaprop. LYDIA But you have not heard the worst. Unfortunately I had quarrelled with my poor Beverley, just before my aunt made the discovery, and I have not seen him since, to make it up. JULIA What was his offence? LYDIA Nothing at all! - But, I don't know how it was, as often as we had been together, we had never had a quarrel, and, somehow, I was afraid he would never give me an opportunity. So, last Thursday, I wrote a letter to myself, to inform myself that Beverley was at that time paying his addresses to another woman. I signed it your friend unknown , showed it to Beverley, charged him with his falsehood, put myself in a violent passion, and vowed I'd never see him more. JULIA And you let him depart so, and have not seen him since? LYDIA 'Twas the next day my aunt found the matter out. I intended only to have teased him three days and a half, and now I've lost him for ever. JULIA If he is as deserving and sincere as you have represented him to me, he will never give you up so. Yet consider, Lydia, you tell me he is but an ensign, and you have thirty thousand pounds. LYDIA But you know I lose most of my fortune if I marry without my aunt's consent, till of age; and that is what I have determined to do, ever since I knew the penalty. Nor could I love the man who would wish to wait a day for the alternative. JULIA Nay, this is caprice! LYDIA What, does Julia tax me with caprice? - I thought her lover Faulkland had inured her to it. JULIA I do not love even his faults. LYDIA But apropos - you have sent to him, I suppose? JULIA Not yet, upon my word - nor has he the least idea of my being in Bath. Sir Anthony's resolution was so sudden, I could not inform him of it. LYDIA Well, Julia, you are your own mistress, (though under the protection of Sir Anthony), yet have you, for this long year, been a slave to the caprice, the whim, the jealousy of this ungrateful Faulkland, who will ever delay assuming the right of a husband, while you suffer him to be equally imperious as a lover. JULIA Nay, you are wrong entirely. We were contracted before my father's death. That, and some consequent embarrassments, have delayed what I know to be my Faulkland's most ardent wish. He is too generous to trifle on such a point: - and for his character, you wrong him there, too. No, Lydia, he is too proud, too noble to be jealous; if he is captious, 'tis without dissembling; if fretful, without rudeness. Unused to the fopperies of love, he is negligent of the little duties expected from a lover - but being unhackneyed in the passion, his affection is ardent and sincere; and as it engrosses his whole soul, he expects every thought and emotion of his mistress to move in unison with his. Yet, though his pride calls for this full return, his humility makes him undervalue those qualities in him which would entitle him to it; and not feeling why he should be loved to the degree he wishes, he still suspects that he is not loved enough. This temper, I must own, has cost me many unhappy hours; but I have learned to think myself his debtor, for those imperfections which arise from the ardour of his attachment. LYDIA Well, I cannot blame you for defending him. But tell me candidly, Julia, had he never saved your life, do you think you should have been attached to him as you are? - Believe me, the rude blast that overset your boat was a prosperous gale of love to him. JULIA Gratitude may have strengthened my attachment to Mr. Faulkland, but I loved him before he had preserved me; yet surely that alone were an obligation sufficient. LYDIA Obligation! why a water spaniel would have done as much! - Well, I should never think of giving my heart to a man because he could swim. JULIA Come, Lydia, you are too inconsiderate. LYDIA Nay, I do but jest. - What's here? [Re-enter LUCY in a hurry.] LUCY O ma'am, here is Sir Anthony Absolute just come home with your aunt. LYDIA They'll not come here. - Lucy, do you watch. [Exit LUCY.] JULIA Yet I must go. Sir Anthony does not know I am here, and if we meet, he'll detain me, to show me the town. I'll take another opportunity of paying my respects to Mrs. Malaprop, when she shall treat me, as long as she chooses, with her select words so ingeniously misapplied, without being mispronounced. [Re-enter LUCY.] LUCY O Lud! ma'am, they are both coming up stairs. LYDIA Well, I'll not detain you, coz. - Adieu, my dear Julia. I'm sure you are in haste to send to Faulkland. - There - through my room you'll find another staircase. JULIA Adieu! [Embraces LYDIA, and exit.] LYDIA Here, my dear Lucy, hide these books. Quick, quick! - Fling Peregrine Pickle under the toilet - throw Roderick Random into the closet - put The Innocent Adultery into The Whole Duty of Man - thrust Lord Aimworth under the sofa - cram Ovid behind the bolster - there - put The Man of Feeling into your pocket - so, so - now lay Mrs. Chapone in sight, and leave Fordyce's Sermons open on the table. LUCY O burn it, ma'am! the hair-dresser has torn away as far as Proper Pride . LYDIA Never mind - open at Sobriety . - Fling me Lord Chesterfields Letters . - Now for 'em. [Exit LUCY.] [Enter Mrs. MALAPROP, and Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Mrs. MALAPROP There, Sir Anthony, there sits the deliberate simpleton who wants to disgrace her family, and lavish herself on a fellow not worth a shilling. LYDIA Madam, I thought you once - - Mrs. MALAPROP You thought, miss! I don't know any business you have to think at all - thought does not become a young woman. But the point we would request of you is, that you will promise to forget this fellow - to illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory. LYDIA Ah, madam! our memories are independent of our wills. It is not so easy to forget. Mrs. MALAPROP But I say it is, miss; there is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor dear uncle as if he had never existed - and I thought it my duty so to do; and let me tell you, Lydia, these violent memories don't become a young woman. Sir ANTHONY Why sure she won't pretend to remember what she's ordered not! - ay, this comes of her reading! LYDIA What crime, madam, have I committed, to be treated thus? Mrs. MALAPROP Now don't attempt to extirpate yourself from the matter; you know I have proof controvertible of it. - But tell me, will you promise to do as you're bid? Will you take a husband of your friends' choosing? LYDIA Madam, I must tell you plainly, that had I no preferment for any one else, the choice you have made would be my aversion. Mrs. MALAPROP What business have you, miss, with preference and aversion? They don't become a young woman; and you ought to know, that as both always wear off, 'tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion. I am sure I hated your poor dear uncle before marriage as if he'd been a blackamoor - and yet, miss, you are sensible what a wife I made! - and when it pleased Heaven to release me from him, 'tis unknown what tears I shed! - But suppose we were going to give you another choice, will you promise us to give up this Beverley? LYDIA Could I belie my thoughts so far as to give that promise, my actions would certainly as far belie my words. Mrs. MALAPROP Take yourself to your room. - You are fit company for nothing but your own ill-humours. LYDIA Willingly, ma'am - I cannot change for the worse. [Exit.] Mrs. MALAPROP There's a little intricate hussy for you! Sir ANTHONY It is not to be wondered at, ma'am, - all this is the natural consequence of teaching girls to read. Had I a thousand daughters, by Heaven! I'd as soon have them taught the black art as their alphabet! Mrs. MALAPROP Nay, nay, Sir Anthony, you are an absolute misanthropy. Sir ANTHONY In my way hither, Mrs. Malaprop, I observed your niece's maid coming forth from a circulating library! - She had a book in each hand - they were half-bound volumes, with marble covers! - From that moment I guessed how full of duty I should see her mistress! Mrs. MALAPROP Those are vile places, indeed! Sir ANTHONY Madam, a circulating library in a town is as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge! It blossoms through the year! - And depend on it, Mrs. Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves, will long for the fruit at last. Mrs. MALAPROP Fy, fy, Sir Anthony! you surely speak laconically. Sir ANTHONY Why, Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation now, what would you have a woman know? Mrs. MALAPROP Observe me, Sir Anthony. I would by no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny of learning; I don't think so much learning becomes a young woman; for instance, I would never let her meddle with Greek, or Hebrew, or algebra, or simony, or fluxions, or paradoxes, or such inflammatory branches of learning - neither would it be necessary for her to handle any of your mathematical, astronomical, diabolical instruments. - But, Sir Anthony, I would send her, at nine years old, to a boarding-school, in order to learn a little ingenuity and artifice. Then, sir, she should have a supercilious knowledge in accounts; - and as she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry, that she might know something of the contagious countries; - but above all, Sir Anthony, she should be mistress of orthodoxy, that she might not mis-spell, and mis-pronounce words so shamefully as girls usually do; and likewise that she might reprehend the true meaning of what she is saying. This, Sir Anthony, is what I would have a woman know; - and I don't think there is a superstitious article in it. Sir ANTHONY Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop, I will dispute the point no further with you; though I must confess, that you are a truly moderate and polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the question. But, Mrs. Malaprop, to the more important point in debate - you say you have no objection to my proposal? Mrs. MALAPROP None, I assure you. I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres, and as Lydia is so obstinate against him, perhaps your son may have better success. Sir ANTHONY Well, madam, I will write for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some time had the proposal in my head. He is at present with his regiment. Mrs. MALAPROP We have never seen your son, Sir Anthony; but I hope no objection on his side. Sir ANTHONY Objection! - let him object if he dare! - No, no, Mrs. Malaprop, Jack knows that the least demur puts me in a frenzy directly. My process was always very simple - in their younger days, 'twas "Jack, do this"; - if he demurred, I knocked him down - and if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room. Mrs. MALAPROP Ay, and the properest way, o' my conscience! - nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity. - Well, Sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres his discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; - and I hope you will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible. Sir ANTHONY Madam, I will handle the subject prudently. - Well, I must leave you; and let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl. - Take my advice - keep a tight hand: if she rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and if you were just to let the servants forget to bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't conceive how she'd come about. [Exit.] Mrs. MALAPROP Well, at any rate, I shall be glad to get her from under my intuition. She has somehow discovered my partiality for Sir Lucius O'Trigger - sure, Lucy can't have betrayed me! - No, the girl is such a simpleton, I should have made her confess it. - Lucy! - Lucy! - [Calls.] Had she been one of your artificial ones, I should never have trusted her. [Re-enter LUCY.] LUCY Did you call, ma'am? Mrs. MALAPROP Yes, girl. - Did you see Sir Lucius while you was out? LUCY No, indeed, ma'am, not a glimpse of him. Mrs. MALAPROP You are sure, Lucy, that you never mentioned - - LUCY Oh gemini! I'd sooner cut my tongue out. Mrs. MALAPROP Well, don't let your simplicity be imposed on. LUCY No, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP So, come to me presently, and I'll give you another letter to Sir Lucius; but mind, Lucy - if ever you betray what you are entrusted with (unless it be other people's secrets to me), you forfeit my malevolence for ever; and your being a simpleton shall be no excuse for your locality. [Exit.] LUCY Ha! ha! ha! - So, my dear Simplicity, let me give you a little respite. - [Altering her manner.] Let girls in my station be as fond as they please of appearing expert, and knowing in their trusts; commend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp eyes for my own interest under it! - Let me see to what account have I turned my simplicity lately. - [Looks at a paper.] For abetting Miss Lydia Languish in a design of running away with an ensign! - in money, sundry times, twelve pound twelve; gowns, five; hats, ruffles, caps, &c., &c., numberless! - From the said ensign, within this last month, six guineas and a half . - About a quarter's pay! - Item, from Mrs. Malaprop, for betraying the young people to her - when I found matters were likely to be discovered - two guineas, and a black paduasoy. - Item, from Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters - which I never delivered - two guineas, and a pair of buckles. - Item, from Sir Lucius O'Trigger, three crowns, two gold pocket-pieces, and a silver snuff-box! - Well done, Simplicity! - Yet I was forced to make my Hibernian believe, that he was corresponding, not with the aunt, but with the niece; for though not over rich, I found he had too much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feelings of a gentleman to the necessities of his fortune. [Exit.] * * * * * * * * * * * ACT II * * * * * * * Scene I. - CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's Lodgings. [CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE and FAG.] FAG Sir, while I was there Sir Anthony came in: I told him you had sent me to inquire after his health, and to know if he was at leisure to see you. ABSOLUTE And what did he say, on hearing I was at Bath? FAG Sir, in my life I never saw an elderly gentleman more astonished! He started back two or three paces, rapped out a dozen interjectural oaths, and asked, what the devil had brought you here. ABSOLUTE Well, sir, and what did you say? FAG Oh, I lied, sir - I forgot the precise lie; but you may depend on't, he got no truth from me. Yet, with submission, for fear of blunders in future, I should be glad to fix what has brought us to Bath; in order that we may lie a little consistently. Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, very curious indeed. ABSOLUTE You have said nothing to them? FAG Oh, not a word, sir, - not a word! Mr. Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to be the discreetest of whips) - - ABSOLUTE 'Sdeath! - you rascal! you have not trusted him! FAG Oh, no, sir - no - no - not a syllable, upon my veracity! - He was, indeed, a little inquisitive; but I was sly, sir - devilish sly! My master (said I), honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors,) is come to Bath to recruit - Yes, sir, I said to recruit - and whether for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor any one else. ABSOLUTE Well, recruit will do - let it be so. FAG Oh, sir, recruit will do surprisingly - indeed, to give the thing an air, I told Thomas, that your honour had already enlisted five disbanded chairmen, seven minority waiters, and thirteen billiard-markers. ABSOLUTE You blockhead, never say more than is necessary. FAG I beg pardon, sir - I beg pardon - but, with submission, a lie is nothing unless one supports it. Sir, whenever I draw on my invention for a good current lie, I always forge indorsements as well as the bill. ABSOLUTE Well, take care you don't hurt your credit, by offering too much security. - Is Mr. Faulkland returned? FAG He is above, sir, changing his dress. ABSOLUTE Can you tell whether he has been informed of Sir Anthony and Miss Melville's arrival? FAG I fancy not, sir; he has seen no one since he came in but his gentleman, who was with him at Bristol. - I think, sir, I hear Mr. Faulkland coming down - - ABSOLUTE Go, tell him I am here. FAG Yes, sir. - [Going.] I beg pardon, sir, but should Sir Anthony call, you will do me the favour to remember that we are recruiting, if you please. ABSOLUTE Well, well. FAG And, in tenderness to my character, if your honour could bring in the chairmen and waiters, I should esteem it as an obligation; for though I never scruple a lie to serve my master, yet it hurts one's conscience to be found out. [Exit.] ABSOLUTE Now for my whimsical friend - if he does not know that his mistress is here, I'll tease him a little before I tell him - - [Enter FAULKLAND.] Faulkland, you're welcome to Bath again; you are punctual in your return. FAULKLAND Yes; I had nothing to detain me, when I had finished the business I went on. Well, what news since I left you? how stand matters between you and Lydia? ABSOLUTE Faith, much as they were; I have not seen her since our quarrel; however, I expect to be recalled every hour. FAULKLAND Why don't you persuade her to go off with you at once? ABSOLUTE What, and lose two-thirds of her fortune? you forget that, my friend. - No, no, I could have brought her to that long ago. FAULKLAND Nay then, you trifle too long - if you are sure of her, propose to the aunt in your own character, and write to Sir Anthony for his consent. ABSOLUTE Softly, softly; for though I am convinced my little Lydia would elope with me as Ensign Beverley, yet am I by no means certain that she would take me with the impediment of our friends' consent, a regular humdrum wedding, and the reversion of a good fortune on my side: no, no; I must prepare her gradually for the discovery, and make myself necessary to her, before I risk it. - Well, but Faulkland, you'll dine with us to-day at the hotel? FAULKLAND Indeed I cannot; I am not in spirits to be of such a party. ABSOLUTE By heavens! I shall forswear your company. You are the most teasing, captious, incorrigible lover! - Do love like a man. FAULKLAND I own I am unfit for company. ABSOLUTE Am I not a lover; ay, and a romantic one too? Yet do I carry every where with me such a confounded farrago of doubts, fears, hopes, wishes, and all the flimsy furniture of a country miss's brain! FAULKLAND Ah! Jack, your heart and soul are not, like mine, fixed immutably on one only object. You throw for a large stake, but losing, you could stake and throw again; - but I have set my sum of happiness on this cast, and not to succeed, were to be stripped of all. ABSOLUTE But, for heaven's sake! what grounds for apprehension can your whimsical brain conjure up at present? FAULKLAND What grounds for apprehension, did you say? Heavens! are there not a thousand! I fear for her spirits - her health - her life! - My absence may fret her; her anxiety for my return, her fears for me may oppress her gentle temper: and for her health, does not every hour bring me cause to be alarmed? If it rains, some shower may even then have chilled her delicate frame! If the wind be keen, some rude blast may have affected her! The heat of noon, the dews of the evening, may endanger the life of her, for whom only I value mine. O Jack! when delicate and feeling souls are separated, there is not a feature in the sky, not a movement of the elements, not an aspiration of the breeze, but hints some cause for a lover's apprehension! ABSOLUTE Ay, but we may choose whether we will take the hint or not. - So, then, Faulkland, if you were convinced that Julia were well and in spirits, you would be entirely content? FAULKLAND I should be happy beyond measure - I am anxious only for that. ABSOLUTE Then to cure your anxiety at once - Miss Melville is in perfect health, and is at this moment in Bath. FAULKLAND Nay, Jack - don't trifle with me. ABSOLUTE She is arrived here with my father within this hour. FAULKLAND Can you be serious? ABSOLUTE I thought you knew Sir Anthony better than to be surprised at a sudden whim of this kind. - Seriously, then, it is as I tell you - upon my honour. FAULKLAND My dear friend! - Hollo, Du-Peigne! my hat. - My dear Jack - now nothing on earth can give me a moment's uneasiness. [Re-enter FAG.] FAG Sir, Mr. Acres, just arrived, is below. ABSOLUTE Stay, Faulkland, this Acres lives within a mile of Sir Anthony, and he shall tell you how your mistress has been ever since you left her. - Fag, show this gentleman up. [Exit FAG.] FAULKLAND What, is he much acquainted in the family? ABSOLUTE Oh, very intimate: I insist on your not going: besides, his character will divert you. FAULKLAND Well, I should like to ask him a few questions. ABSOLUTE He is likewise a rival of mine - that is, of my other self's, for he does not think his friend Captain Absolute ever saw the lady in question; and it is ridiculous enough to hear him complain to me of one Beverley, a concealed skulking rival, who - - FAULKLAND Hush! - he's here. [Enter ACRES.] ACRES Ha! my dear friend, noble captain, and honest Jack, how do'st thou? just arrived, faith, as you see. - Sir, your humble servant. - Warm work on the roads, Jack! - Odds whips and wheels! I've travelled like a comet, with a tail of dust all the way as long as the Mall. ABSOLUTE Ah! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric planet, but we know your attraction hither. - Give me leave to introduce Mr. Faulkland to you; Mr. Faulkland, Mr. Acres. ACRES Sir, I am most heartily glad to see you: sir, I solicit your connections. - Hey, Jack - what, this is Mr. Faulkland, who - - ABSOLUTE Ay, Bob, Miss Melville's Mr. Faulkland. ACRES Odso! she and your father can be but just arrived before me: - I suppose you have seen them. Ah! Mr. Faulkland, you are indeed a happy man. FAULKLAND I have not seen Miss Melville yet, sir; - I hope she enjoyed full health and spirits in Devonshire? ACRES Never knew her better in my life, sir, - never better. Odds blushes and blooms! she has been as healthy as the German Spa. FAULKLAND Indeed! I did hear that she had been a little indisposed. ACRES False, false, sir - only said to vex you: quite the reverse, I assure you. FAULKLAND There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill. ABSOLUTE Now are you angry with your mistress for not having been sick? FAULKLAND No, no, you misunderstand me: yet surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we love. - Now confess - isn't there something unkind in this violent, robust, unfeeling health? ABSOLUTE Oh, it was very unkind of her to be well in your absence, to be sure! ACRES Good apartments, Jack. FAULKLAND Well, sir, but you was saying that Miss Melville has been so exceedingly well - what then she has been merry and gay, I suppose? - Always in spirits - hey? ACRES Merry, odds crickets! she has been the belle and spirit of the company wherever she has been - so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour! FAULKLAND There, Jack, there. - Oh, by my soul! there is an innate levity in woman, that nothing can overcome. - What! happy, and I away! ABSOLUTE Have done. - How foolish this is! just now you were only apprehensive for your mistress' spirits. FAULKLAND Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company? ABSOLUTE No, indeed, you have not. FAULKLAND Have I been lively and entertaining? ABSOLUTE Oh, upon my word, I acquit you. FAULKLAND Have I been full of wit and humour? ABSOLUTE No, faith, to do you justice, you have been confoundedly stupid indeed. ACRES What's the matter with the gentleman? ABSOLUTE He is only expressing his great satisfaction at hearing that Julia has been so well and happy - that's all - hey, Faulkland? FAULKLAND Oh! I am rejoiced to hear it - yes, yes, she has a happy disposition! ACRES That she has indeed - then she is so accomplished - so sweet a voice - so expert at her harpsichord - such a mistress of flat and sharp, squallante, rumblante, and quiverante! - There was this time month - odds minims and crotchets! how she did chirrup at Mrs. Piano's concert! FAULKLAND There again, what say you to this? you see she has been all mirth and song - not a thought of me! ABSOLUTE Pho! man, is not music the food of love? FAULKLAND Well, well, it may be so. - Pray, Mr. - , what's his damned name? - Do you remember what songs Miss Melville sung? ACRES Not I indeed. ABSOLUTE Stay, now, they were some pretty melancholy purling-stream airs, I warrant; perhaps you may recollect; - did she sing, When absent from my soul's delight ? ACRES No, that wa'n't it. ABSOLUTE Or, Go, gentle gales ! [Sings.] ACRES Oh, no! nothing like it. Odds! now I recollect one of them - My heart's my own, my will is free . [Sings.] FAULKLAND Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my happiness on such a trifler! 'Sdeath! to make herself the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle! to soothe her light heart with catches and glees! - What can you say to this, sir? ABSOLUTE Why, that I should be glad to hear my mistress had been so merry, sir. FAULKLAND Nay, nay, nay - I'm not sorry that she has been happy - no, no, I am glad of that - I would not have had her sad or sick - yet surely a sympathetic heart would have shown itself even in the choice of a song - she might have been temperately healthy, and somehow, plaintively gay; - but she has been dancing too, I doubt not! ACRES What does the gentleman say about dancing? ABSOLUTE He says the lady we speak of dances as well as she sings. ACRES Ay, truly, does she - there was at our last race ball - - FAULKLAND Hell and the devil! There! - there - I told you so! I told you so! Oh! she thrives in my absence! - Dancing! but her whole feelings have been in opposition with mine; - I have been anxious, silent, pensive, sedentary - my days have been hours of care, my nights of watchfulness. - She has been all health! spirit! laugh! song! dance! - Oh! damned, damned levity! ABSOLUTE For Heaven's sake, Faulkland, don't expose yourself so! - Suppose she has danced, what then? - does not the ceremony of society often oblige - - FAULKLAND Well, well, I'll contain myself - perhaps as you say - for form sake. - What, Mr. Acres, you were praising Miss Melville's manner of dancing a minuet - hey? ACRES Oh, I dare insure her for that - but what I was going to speak of was her country-dancing. Odds swimmings! she has such an air with her! FAULKLAND Now disappointment on her! - Defend this, Absolute; why don't you defend this? - Country-dances! jigs and reels! am I to blame now? A minuet I could have forgiven - I should not have minded that - I say I should not have regarded a minuet - but country-dances! - Zounds! had she made one in a cotillion - I believe I could have forgiven even that - but to be monkey-led for a night! - to run the gauntlet through a string of amorous palming puppies! - to show paces like a managed filly! - Oh, Jack, there never can be but one man in the world whom a truly modest and delicate woman ought to pair with in a country-dance; and, even then, the rest of the couples should be her great-uncles and aunts! ABSOLUTE Ay, to be sure! - grandfathers and grandmothers! FAULKLAND If there be but one vicious mind in the set, 'twill spread like a contagion - the action of their pulse beats to the lascivious movement of the jig - their quivering, warm-breathed sighs impregnate the very air - the atmosphere becomes electrical to love, and each amorous spark darts through every link of the chain! - I must leave you - I own I am somewhat flurried - and that confounded looby has perceived it. [Going.] ABSOLUTE Nay, but stay, Faulkland, and thank Mr. Acres for his good news. FAULKLAND Damn his news! [Exit.] ABSOLUTE Ha! ha! ha! poor Faulkland five minutes since - "nothing on earth could give him a moment's uneasiness!" ACRES The gentleman wa'n't angry at my praising his mistress, was he? ABSOLUTE A little jealous, I believe, Bob. ACRES You don't say so? Ha! ha! jealous of me - that's a good joke. ABSOLUTE There's nothing strange in that, Bob; let me tell you, that sprightly grace and insinuating manner of yours will do some mischief among the girls here. ACRES Ah! you joke - ha! ha! mischief - ha! ha! but you know I am not my own property, my dear Lydia has forestalled me. She could never abide me in the country, because I used to dress so badly - but odds frogs and tambours! I shan't take matters so here, now ancient madam has no voice in it: I'll make my old clothes know who's master. I shall straightway cashier the hunting-frock, and render my leather breeches incapable. My hair has been in training some time. ABSOLUTE Indeed! ACRES Ay - and tho'ff the side curls are a little restive, my hind-part takes it very kindly. ABSOLUTE Ah, you'll polish, I doubt not. ACRES Absolutely I propose so - then if I can find out this Ensign Beverley, odds triggers and flints! I'll make him know the difference o't. ABSOLUTE Spoke like a man! But pray, Bob, I observe you have got an odd kind of a new method of swearing - - ACRES Ha! ha! you've taken notice of it - 'tis genteel, isn't it! - I didn't invent it myself though; but a commander in our militia, a great scholar, I assure you, says that there is no meaning in the common oaths, and that nothing but their antiquity makes them respectable; - because, he says, the ancients would never stick to an oath or two, but would say, by Jove! or by Bacchus! or by Mars! or by Venus! or by Pallas, according to the sentiment: so that to swear with propriety, says my little major, the oath should be an echo to the sense; and this we call the oath referential , or sentimental swearing - ha! ha! 'tis genteel, isn't it? ABSOLUTE Very genteel, and very new, indeed! - and I dare say will supplant all other figures of imprecation. ACRES Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete. - Damns have had their day. [Re-enter FAG.] FAG Sir, there is a gentleman below desires to see you. - Shall I show him into the parlour? ABSOLUTE Ay - you may. ACRES Well, I must be gone - - ABSOLUTE Stay; who is it, Fag? FAG Your father, sir. ABSOLUTE You puppy, why didn't you show him up directly? [Exit FAG.] ACRES You have business with Sir Anthony. - I expect a message from Mrs. Malaprop at my lodgings. I have sent also to my dear friend Sir Lucius O'Trigger. Adieu, Jack! we must meet at night, when you shall give me a dozen bumpers to little Lydia. ABSOLUTE That I will with all my heart. - - [Exit ACRES.] Now for a parental lecture - I hope he has heard nothing of the business that brought me here - I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with all my soul! [Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Sir I am delighted to see you here; looking so well! your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health. Sir ANTHONY Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack. - What, you are recruiting here, hey? ABSOLUTE Yes, sir, I am on duty. Sir ANTHONY Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it, for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business. - Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long. ABSOLUTE Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty; and I pray frequently that you may continue so. Sir ANTHONY I hope your prayers may be heard, with all my heart. Well, then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty I may continue to plague you a long time. Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit. ABSOLUTE Sir, you are very good. Sir ANTHONY And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence. ABSOLUTE Sir, your kindness overpowers me - such generosity makes the gratitude of reason more lively than the sensations even of filial affection. Sir ANTHONY I am glad you are so sensible of my attention - and you shall be master of a large estate in a few weeks. ABSOLUTE Let my future life, sir, speak my gratitude; I cannot express the sense I have of your munificence. - Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army? Sir ANTHONY Oh, that shall be as your wife chooses. ABSOLUTE My wife, sir! Sir ANTHONY Ay, ay, settle that between you - settle that between you. ABSOLUTE A wife, sir, did you say? Sir ANTHONY Ay, a wife - why, did not I mention her before? ABSOLUTE Not a word of her, sir. Sir ANTHONY Odd so! - I mustn't forget her though. - Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by marriage - the fortune is saddled with a wife - but I suppose that makes no difference. ABSOLUTE Sir! sir! - you amaze me! Sir ANTHONY Why, what the devil's the matter with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude and duty. ABSOLUTE I was, sir, - you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not a word of a wife. Sir ANTHONY Why - what difference does that make? Odds life, sir! if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands. ABSOLUTE If my happiness is to be the price, I must beg leave to decline the purchase. - Pray, sir, who is the lady? Sir ANTHONY What's that to you, sir? - Come, give me your promise to love, and to marry her directly. ABSOLUTE Sure, sir, this is not very reasonable, to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing of! Sir ANTHONY I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of. ABSOLUTE Then, sir, I must tell you plainly that my inclinations are fixed on another - my heart is engaged to an angel. Sir ANTHONY Then pray let it send an excuse. It is very sorry - but business prevents its waiting on her. ABSOLUTE But my vows are pledged to her. Sir ANTHONY Let her foreclose, Jack; let her foreclose; they are not worth redeeming; besides, you have the angel's vows in exchange, I suppose; so there can be no loss there. ABSOLUTE You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, once for all, that in this point I cannot obey you. Sir ANTHONY Hark'ee, Jack; - I have heard you for some time with patience - I have been cool - quite cool; but take care - you know I am compliance itself - when I am not thwarted; - no one more easily led - when I have my own way; - but don't put me in a frenzy. ABSOLUTE Sir, I must repeat it - in this I cannot obey you. Sir ANTHONY Now damn me! if ever I call you Jack again while I live! ABSOLUTE Nay, sir, but hear me. Sir ANTHONY Sir, I won't hear a word - not a word! not one word! so give me your promise by a nod - and I'll tell you what, Jack - I mean, you dog - if you don't, by - - ABSOLUTE What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness! to - - Sir ANTHONY Zounds! sirrah! the lady shall be as ugly as I choose: she shall have a hump on each shoulder; she shall be as crooked as the crescent; her one eye shall roll like the bull's in Cox's Museum; she shall have a skin like a mummy, and the beard of a Jew - she shall be all this, sirrah! - yet I will make you ogle her all day, and sit up all night to write sonnets on her beauty. ABSOLUTE This is reason and moderation indeed! Sir ANTHONY None of your sneering, puppy! no grinning, jackanapes! ABSOLUTE Indeed, sir, I never was in a worse humour for mirth in my life. Sir ANTHONY 'Tis false, sir, I know you are laughing in your sleeve; I know you'll grin when I am gone, sirrah! ABSOLUTE Sir, I hope I know my duty better. Sir ANTHONY None of your passion, sir! none of your violence, if you please! - It won't do with me, I promise you. ABSOLUTE Indeed, sir, I never was cooler in my life. Sir ANTHONY 'Tis a confounded lie! - I know you are in a passion in your heart; I know you are, you hypocritical young dog! but it won't do. ABSOLUTE Nay, sir, upon my word - - Sir ANTHONY So you will fly out! can't you be cool like me? What the devil good can passion do? - Passion is of no service, you impudent, insolent, overbearing reprobate! - There, you sneer again! don't provoke me! - but you rely upon the mildness of my temper - you do, you dog! you play upon the meekness of my disposition! - Yet take care - the patience of a saint may be overcome at last! - but mark! I give you six hours and a half to consider of this: if you then agree, without any condition, to do every thing on earth that I choose, why - confound you! I may in time forgive you. - If not, zounds! don't enter the same hemisphere with me! don't dare to breathe the same air, or use the same light with me; but get an atmosphere and a sun of your own! I'll strip you of your commission; I'll lodge a five-and-threepence in the hands of trustees, and you shall live on the interest. - I'll disown you, I'll disinherit you, I'll unget you! and damn me! if ever I call you Jack again! [Exit.] ABSOLUTE Mild, gentle, considerate father - I kiss your hands! - What a tender method of giving his opinion in these matters Sir Anthony has! I dare not trust him with the truth. - I wonder what old wealthy hag it is that he wants to bestow on me! - Yet he married himself for love! and was in his youth a bold intriguer, and a gay companion! [Re-enter FAG.] FAG Assuredly, sir, your father is wrath to a degree; he comes down stairs eight or ten steps at a time - muttering, growling, and thumping the banisters all the way: I and the cook's dog stand bowing at the door - rap! he gives me a stroke on the head with his cane; bids me carry that to my master; then kicking the poor turnspit into the area, damns us all, for a puppy triumvirate! - Upon my credit, sir, were I in your place, and found my father such very bad company, I should certainly drop his acquaintance. ABSOLUTE Cease your impertinence, sir, at present. - Did you come in for nothing more? - Stand out of the way! [Pushes him aside, and exit.] FAG So! Sir Anthony trims my master; he is afraid to reply to his father - then vents his spleen on poor Fag! - When one is vexed by one person, to revenge one's self on another, who happens to come in the way, is the vilest injustice! Ah! it shows the worst temper - the basest - - [Enter BOY.] BOY Mr. Fag! Mr. Fag! your master calls you. FAG Well, you little dirty puppy, you need not bawl so! - The meanest disposition! the - - BOY Quick, quick, Mr. Fag! FAG Quick! quick! you impudent jackanapes! am I to be commanded by you too? you little impertinent, insolent, kitchen-bred - - [Exit kicking and beating him.] * * * * * * * Scene II. - The North Parade. [Enter LUCY.] LUCY So - I shall have another rival to add to my mistress's list - Captain Absolute. However, I shall not enter his name till my purse has received notice in form. Poor Acres is dismissed! - Well, I have done him a last friendly office, in letting him know that Beverley was here before him. - Sir Lucius is generally more punctual, when he expects to hear from his dear Delia , as he calls her: I wonder he's not here! - I have a little scruple of conscience from this deceit; though I should not be paid so well, if my hero knew that Delia was near fifty, and her own mistress. [Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.] Sir LUCIUS Ha! my little ambassadress - upon my conscience, I have been looking for you; I have been on the South Parade this half hour. LUCY [Speaking simply.] O gemini! and I have been waiting for your worship here on the North. Sir LUCIUS Faith! - may be that was the reason we did not meet; and it is very comical too, how you could go out and I not see you - for I was only taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I chose the window on purpose that I might not miss you. LUCY My stars! Now I'd wager a sixpence I went by while you were asleep. Sir LUCIUS Sure enough it must have been so - and I never dreamt it was so late, till I waked. Well, but my little girl, have you got nothing for me? LUCY Yes, but I have - I've got a letter for you in my pocket. Sir LUCIUS O faith! I guessed you weren't come empty-handed - Well - let me see what the dear creature says. LUCY There, Sir Lucius. [Gives him a letter.] Sir LUCIUS [Reads.] Sir - there is often a sudden incentive impulse in love, that has a greater induction than years of domestic combination: such was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous view of Sir Lucius O'Trigger. - Very pretty, upon my word. - Female punctuation forbids me to say more, yet let me add, that it will give me joy infallible to find Sir Lucius worthy the last criterion of my affections. Delia. Upon my conscience! Lucy, your lady is a great mistress of language. Faith, she's quite the queen of the dictionary! - for the devil a word dare refuse coming at her call - though one would think it was quite out of hearing. LUCY Ay, sir, a lady of her experience - - Sir LUCIUS Experience! what, at seventeen? LUCY O true, sir - but then she reads so - my stars! how she will read off hand! Sir LUCIUS Faith, she must be very deep read to write this way - though she is rather an arbitrary writer too - for here are a great many poor words pressed into the service of this note, that would get their habeas corpus from any court in Christendom. LUCY Ah! Sir Lucius, if you were to hear how she talks of you! Sir LUCIUS Oh, tell her I'll make her the best husband in the world, and Lady O'Trigger into the bargain! - But we must get the old gentlewoman's consent - and do every thing fairly. LUCY Nay, Sir Lucius, I thought you wa'n't rich enough to be so nice! Sir LUCIUS Upon my word, young woman, you have hit it: - I am so poor, that I can't afford to do a dirty action. - If I did not want money, I'd steal your mistress and her fortune with a great deal of pleasure. - However, my pretty girl, [Gives her money] here's a little something to buy you a ribbon; and meet me in the evening, and I'll give you an answer to this. So, hussy, take a kiss beforehand to put you in mind. [Kisses her.] LUCY O Lud! Sir Lucius - I never seed such a gemman! My lady won't like you if you're so impudent. Sir LUCIUS Faith she will, Lucy! - That same - pho! what's the name of it? - modesty - is a quality in a lover more praised by the women than liked; so, if your mistress asks you whether Sir Lucius ever gave you a kiss, tell her fifty - my dear. LUCY What, would you have me tell her a lie? Sir LUCIUS Ah, then, you baggage! I'll make it a truth presently. LUCY For shame now! here is some one coming. Sir LUCIUS Oh, faith, I'll quiet your conscience! [Exit, humming a tune.] [Enter FAG.] FAG So, so, ma'am! I humbly beg pardon. LUCY O Lud! now, Mr. Fag - you flurry one so. FAG Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by - so a little less simplicity, with a grain or two more sincerity, if you please. - You play false with us, madam. - I saw you give the baronet a letter. - My master shall know this - and if he don't call him out, I will. LUCY Ha! ha! ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen are so hasty. - That letter was from Mrs. Malaprop, simpleton. - She is taken with Sir Lucius's address. FAG How! what tastes some people have! - Why, I suppose I have walked by her window a hundred times. - But what says our young lady? any message to my master? LUCY Sad news. Mr. Fag. - A worse rival than Acres! Sir Anthony Absolute has proposed his son. FAG What, Captain Absolute? LUCY Even so - I overheard it all. FAG Ha! ha! ha! very good, faith. Good-bye, Lucy, I must away with this news. LUCY Well, you may laugh - but it is true, I assure you. - [Going.] But, Mr. Fag, tell your master not to be cast down by this. FAG Oh, he'll be so disconsolate! LUCY And charge him not to think of quarrelling with young Absolute. FAG Never fear! never fear! LUCY Be sure - bid him keep up his spirits. FAG We will - we will. [Exeunt severally.] * * * * * * * * * * * ACT III * * * * * * * Scene I - The North Parade. [Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] ABSOLUTE 'Tis just as Fag told me, indeed. Whimsical enough, faith! My father wants to force me to marry the very girl I am plotting to run away with! He must not know of my connection with her yet awhile. He has too summary a method of proceeding in these matters. However, I'll read my recantation instantly. My conversion is something sudden, indeed - but I can assure him it is very sincere. So, so - here he comes. He looks plaguy gruff. [Steps aside.] [Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Sir ANTHONY No - I'll die sooner than forgive him. Die, did I say? I'll live these fifty years to plague him. At our last meeting, his impudence had almost put me out of temper. An obstinate, passionate, self-willed boy! Who can he take after? This is my return for getting him before all his brothers and sisters! - for putting him, at twelve years old, into a marching regiment, and allowing him fifty pounds a year, besides his pay, ever since! But I have done with him; he's anybody's son for me. I never will see him more, never - never - never. ABSOLUTE [Aside, coming forward.] Now for a penitential face. Sir ANTHONY Fellow, get out of my way! ABSOLUTE Sir, you see a penitent before you. Sir ANTHONY I see an impudent scoundrel before me. ABSOLUTE A sincere penitent. I am come, sir, to acknowledge my error, and to submit entirely to your will. Sir ANTHONY What's that? ABSOLUTE I have been revolving, and reflecting, and considering on your past goodness, and kindness, and condescension to me. Sir ANTHONY Well, sir? ABSOLUTE I have been likewise weighing and balancing what you were pleased to mention concerning duty, and obedience, and authority. Sir ANTHONY Well, puppy? ABSOLUTE Why then, sir, the result of my reflections is - a resolution to sacrifice every inclination of my own to your satisfaction. Sir ANTHONY Why now you talk sense - absolute sense - I never heard anything more sensible in my life. Confound you! you shall be Jack again. ABSOLUTE I am happy in the appellation. Sir ANTHONY Why then, Jack, my dear Jack, I will now inform you who the lady really is. Nothing but your passion and violence, you silly fellow, prevented my telling you at first. Prepare, Jack, for wonder and rapture - prepare. What think you of Miss Lydia Languish? ABSOLUTE Languish! What, the Languishes of Worcestershire? Sir ANTHONY Worcestershire! no. Did you never meet Mrs. Malaprop and her niece, Miss Languish, who came into our country just before you were last ordered to your regiment? ABSOLUTE Malaprop! Languish! I don't remember ever to have heard the names before. Yet, stay - I think I do recollect something. Languish! Languish! She squints, don't she? A little red-haired girl? Sir ANTHONY Squints! A red-haired girl! Zounds! no. ABSOLUTE Then I must have forgot; it can't be the same person. Sir ANTHONY Jack! Jack! what think you of blooming, love-breathing seventeen? ABSOLUTE As to that, sir, I am quite indifferent. If I can please you in the matter, 'tis all I desire. Sir ANTHONY Nay, but Jack, such eyes! such eyes! so innocently wild! so bashfully irresolute! not a glance but speaks and kindles some thought of love! Then, Jack, her cheeks! her cheeks, Jack! so deeply blushing at the insinuations of her tell-tale eyes! Then, Jack, her lips! O, Jack, lips smiling at their own discretion; and if not smiling, more sweetly pouting; more lovely in sullenness! ABSOLUTE [Aside.] That's she, indeed. Well done, old gentleman. Sir ANTHONY Then, Jack, her neck! O Jack! Jack! ABSOLUTE And which is to be mine, sir, the niece, or the aunt? Sir ANTHONY Why, you unfeeling, insensible puppy, I despise you! When I was of your age, such a description would have made me fly like a rocket! The aunt indeed! Odds life! when I ran away with your mother, I would not have touched anything old or ugly to gain an empire. ABSOLUTE Not to please your father, sir? Sir ANTHONY To please my father! zounds! not to please - Oh, my father - odd so! - yes - yes; if my father indeed had desired - that's quite another matter. Though he wa'n't the indulgent father that I am, Jack. ABSOLUTE I dare say not, sir. Sir ANTHONY But, Jack, you are not sorry to find your mistress is so beautiful? ABSOLUTE Sir, I repeat it - if I please you in this affair, 'tis all I desire. Not that I think a woman the worse for being handsome; but, sir, if you please to recollect, you before hinted something about a hump or two, one eye, and a few more graces of that kind - now, without being very nice, I own I should rather choose a wife of mine to have the usual number of limbs, and a limited quantity of back: and though one eye may be very agreeable, yet as the prejudice has always run in favour of two, I would not wish to affect a singularity in that article. Sir ANTHONY What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, sirrah, you're an anchorite! - a vile, insensible stock. You a soldier! - you're a walking block, fit only to dust the company's regimentals on! Odds life! I have a great mind to marry the girl myself! ABSOLUTE I am entirely at your disposal, sir: if you should think of addressing Miss Languish yourself, I suppose you would have me marry the aunt; or if you should change your mind, and take the old lady - 'tis the same to me - I'll marry the niece. Sir ANTHONY Upon my word, Jack, thou'rt either a very great hypocrite, or - but, come, I know your indifference on such a subject must be all a lie - I'm sure it must - come, now - damn your demure face! - come, confess Jack - you have been lying, ha'n't you? You have been playing the hypocrite, hey! - I'll never forgive you, if you ha'n't been lying and playing the hypocrite. ABSOLUTE I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and duty which I bear to you should be so mistaken. Sir ANTHONY Hang your respect and duty! But come along with me, I'll write a note to Mrs. Malaprop, and you shall visit the lady directly. Her eyes shall be the Promethean torch to you - come along, I'll never forgive you, if you don't come back stark mad with rapture and impatience - if you don't, egad, I will marry the girl myself! [Exeunt.] * * * * * * * Scene II - JULIA's Dressing-room. [FAULKLAND discovered alone.] FAULKLAND They told me Julia would return directly; I wonder she is not yet come! How mean does this captious, unsatisfied temper of mine appear to my cooler judgment! Yet I know not that I indulge it in any other point: but on this one subject, and to this one subject, whom I think I love beyond my life, I am ever ungenerously fretful and madly capricious! I am conscious of it - yet I cannot correct myself! What tender honest joy sparkled in her eyes when we met! how delicate was the warmth of her expression! I was ashamed to appear less happy - though I had come resolved to wear a face of coolness and upbraiding. Sir Anthony's presence prevented my proposed expostulations: yet I must be satisfied that she has not been so very happy in my absence. She is coming! Yes! - I know the nimbleness of her tread, when she thinks her impatient Faulkland counts the moments of her stay. [Enter JULIA.] JULIA I had not hoped to see you again so soon. FAULKLAND Could I, Julia, be contented with my first welcome - restrained as we were by the presence of a third person? JULIA O Faulkland, when your kindness can make me thus happy, let me not think that I discovered something of coldness in your first salutation. FAULKLAND 'Twas but your fancy, Julia. I was rejoiced to see you - to see you in such health. Sure I had no cause for coldness? JULIA Nay, then, I see you have taken something ill. You must not conceal from me what it is. FAULKLAND Well, then - shall I own to you that my joy at hearing of your health and arrival here, by your neighbour Acres, was somewhat damped by his dwelling much on the high spirits you had enjoyed in Devonshire - on your mirth - your singing - dancing, and I know not what! For such is my temper, Julia, that I should regard every mirthful moment in your absence as a treason to constancy. The mutual tear that steals down the cheek of parting lovers is a compact, that no smile shall live there till they meet again. JULIA Must I never cease to tax my Faulkland with this teasing minute caprice? Can the idle reports of a silly boor weigh in your breast against my tried affections? FAULKLAND They have no weight with me, Julia: No, no - I am happy if you have been so - yet only say, that you did not sing with mirth - say that you thought of Faulkland in the dance. JULIA I never can be happy in your absence. If I wear a countenance of content, it is to show that my mind holds no doubt of my Faulkland's truth. If I seemed sad, it were to make malice triumph; and say, that I had fixed my heart on one, who left me to lament his roving, and my own credulity. Believe me, Faulkland, I mean not to upbraid you, when I say, that I have often dressed sorrow in smiles, lest my friends should guess whose unkindness had caused my tears. FAULKLAND You were ever all goodness to me. Oh, I am a brute, when I but admit a doubt of your true constancy! JULIA If ever without such cause from you, as I will not suppose possible, you find my affections veering but a point, may I become a proverbial scoff for levity and base ingratitude. FAULKLAND Ah! Julia, that last word is grating to me. I would I had no title to your gratitude! Search your heart, Julia; perhaps what you have mistaken for love, is but the warm effusion of a too thankful heart. JULIA For what quality must I love you? FAULKLAND For no quality! To regard me for any quality of mind or understanding, were only to esteem me. And for person - I have often wished myself deformed, to be convinced that I owed no obligation there for any part of your affection. JULIA Where nature has bestowed a show of nice attention in the features of a man, he should laugh at it as misplaced. I have seen men, who in this vain article, perhaps, might rank above you; but my heart has never asked my eyes if it were so or not. FAULKLAND Now this is not well from you, Julia - I despise person in a man - yet if you loved me as I wish, though I were an AEthiop, you'd think none so fair. JULIA I see you are determined to be unkind! The contract which my poor father bound us in gives you more than a lover's privilege. FAULKLAND Again, Julia, you raise ideas that feed and justify my doubts. I would not have been more free - no - I am proud of my restraint. Yet - yet - perhaps your high respect alone for this solemn compact has fettered your inclinations, which else had made a worthier choice. How shall I be sure, had you remained unbound in thought and promise, that I should still have been the object of your persevering love? JULIA Then try me now. Let us be free as strangers as to what is past: my heart will not feel more liberty! FAULKLAND There now! so hasty, Julia! so anxious to be free! If your love for me were fixed and ardent, you would not lose your hold, even though I wished it! JULIA Oh! you torture me to the heart! I cannot bear it. FAULKLAND I do not mean to distress you. If I loved you less I should never give you an uneasy moment. But hear me. All my fretful doubts arise from this. Women are not used to weigh and separate the motives of their affections: the cold dictates of prudence, gratitude, or filial duty, may sometimes be mistaken for the pleadings of the heart. I would not boast - yet let me say, that I have neither age, person, nor character, to found dislike on; my fortune such as few ladies could be charged with indiscretion in the match. O Julia! when love receives such countenance from prudence, nice minds will be suspicious of its birth. JULIA I know not whither your insinuations would tend: - but as they seem pressing to insult me, I will spare you the regret of having done so. - I have given you no cause for this! [Exit in tears.] FAULKLAND In tears! Stay, Julia: stay but for a moment. - The door is fastened! - Julia! - my soul - but for one moment! - I hear her sobbing! - 'Sdeath! what a brute am I to use her thus! Yet stay! - Ay - she is coming now: - how little resolution there is in a woman! - how a few soft words can turn them! - No, faith! - she is not coming either. - Why, Julia - my love - say but that you forgive me - come but to tell me that - now this is being too resentful. Stay! she is coming too - I thought she would - no steadiness in anything: her going away must have been a mere trick then - she shan't see that I was hurt by it. - I'll affect indifference - [Hums a tune; then listens.] No - zounds! she's not coming! - nor don't intend it, I suppose. - This is not steadiness, but obstinacy! Yet I deserve it. - What, after so long an absence to quarrel with her tenderness! - 'twas barbarous and unmanly! - I should be ashamed to see her now. - I'll wait till her just resentment is abated - and when I distress her so again, may I lose her for ever! and be linked instead to some antique virago, whose gnawing passions, and long hoarded spleen, shall make me curse my folly half the day and all the night. [Exit.] * * * * * * * Scene III - Mrs. MALAPROP's Lodgings. [Mrs. MALAPROP, with a letter in her hand, and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Mrs. MALAPROP Your being Sir Anthony's son, captain, would itself be a sufficient accommodation; but from the ingenuity of your appearance, I am convinced you deserve the character here given of you. ABSOLUTE Permit me to say, madam, that as I never yet have had the pleasure of seeing Miss Languish, my principal inducement in this affair at present is the honour of being allied to Mrs. Malaprop; of whose intellectual accomplishments, elegant manners, and unaffected learning, no tongue is silent. Mrs. MALAPROP Sir, you do me infinite honour! I beg, captain, you'll be seated. - [They sit.] Ah! few gentlemen, now-a-days, know how to value the ineffectual qualities in a woman! few think how a little knowledge becomes a gentlewoman! - Men have no sense now but for the worthless flower of beauty! ABSOLUTE It is but too true, indeed, ma'am; - yet I fear our ladies should share the blame - they think our admiration of beauty so great, that knowledge in them would be superfluous. Thus, like garden-trees, they seldom show fruit, till time has robbed them of the more specious blossom. - Few, like Mrs. Malaprop and the orange-tree, are rich in both at once! Mrs. MALAPROP Sir, you overpower me with good-breeding. - He is the very pine-apple of politeness! - You are not ignorant, captain, that this giddy girl has somehow contrived to fix her affections on a beggarly, strolling, eaves-dropping ensign, whom none of us have seen, and nobody knows anything of. ABSOLUTE Oh, I have heard the silly affair before. - I'm not at all prejudiced against her on that account. Mrs. MALAPROP You are very good and very considerate, captain. I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair; long ago I laid my positive conjunctions on her, never to think on the fellow again; - I have since laid Sir Anthony's preposition before her; but, I am sorry to say, she seems resolved to decline every particle that I enjoin her. ABSOLUTE It must be very distressing, indeed, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP Oh! it gives me the hydrostatics to such a degree. - I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him; but, behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow; I believe I have it in my pocket. ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Oh, the devil! my last note. Mrs. MALAPROP Ay, here it is. ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Ay, my note indeed! O the little traitress Lucy. Mrs. MALAPROP There, perhaps you may know the writing. [Gives him the letter.] ABSOLUTE I think I have seen the hand before - yes, I certainly must have seen this hand before - - Mrs. MALAPROP Nay, but read it, captain. ABSOLUTE [Reads.] My soul's idol, my adored Lydia! - Very tender, indeed! Mrs. MALAPROP Tender! ay, and profane too, o' my conscience. ABSOLUTE [Reads.] I am excessively alarmed at the intelligence you send me, the more so as my new rival - - Mrs. MALAPROP That's you, sir. ABSOLUTE [Reads.] Has universally the character of being an accomplished gentleman and a man of honour. - Well, that's handsome enough. Mrs. MALAPROP Oh, the fellow has some design in writing so. ABSOLUTE That he had, I'll answer for him, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP But go on, sir - you'll see presently. ABSOLUTE [Reads.] As for the old weather-beaten she-dragon who guards you - Who can he mean by that? Mrs. MALAPROP Me, sir! - me! - he means me! - There - what do you think now? - but go on a little further. ABSOLUTE Impudent scoundrel! - [Reads.] it shall go hard but I will elude her vigilance, as I am told that the same ridiculous vanity, which makes her dress up her coarse features, and deck her dull chat with hard words which she don't understand - - Mrs. MALAPROP There, sir, an attack upon my language! what do you think of that? - an aspersion upon my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure, if I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs! ABSOLUTE He deserves to be hanged and quartered! let me see - [Reads.] same ridiculous vanity - - Mrs. MALAPROP You need not read it again, sir. ABSOLUTE I beg pardon, ma'am. - [Reads.] does also lay her open to the grossest deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration - an impudent coxcomb! - so that I have a scheme to see you shortly with the old harridan's consent, and even to make her a go-between in our interview. - Was ever such assurance! Mrs. MALAPROP Did you ever hear anything like it? - he'll elude my vigilance, will he - yes, yes! ha! ha! he's very likely to enter these doors; - we'll try who can plot best! ABSOLUTE So we will, ma'am - so we will! Ha! ha! ha! a conceited puppy, ha! ha! ha! - Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated by this fellow, suppose you were to wink at her corresponding with him for a little time - let her even plot an elopement with him - then do you connive at her escape - while I, just in the nick, will have the fellow laid by the heels, and fairly contrive to carry her off in his stead. Mrs. MALAPROP I am delighted with the scheme; never was anything better perpetrated! ABSOLUTE But, pray, could not I see the lady for a few minutes now? - I should like to try her temper a little. Mrs. MALAPROP Why, I don't know - I doubt she is not prepared for a visit of this kind. There is a decorum in these matters. ABSOLUTE O Lord! she won't mind me - only tell her Beverley - - Mrs. MALAPROP Sir! ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Gently, good tongue. Mrs. MALAPROP What did you say of Beverley? ABSOLUTE Oh, I was going to propose that you should tell her, by way of jest, that it was Beverley who was below; she'd come down fast enough then - ha! ha! ha! Mrs. MALAPROP 'Twould be a trick she well deserves; besides, you know the fellow tells her he'll get my consent to see her - ha! ha! Let him if he can, I say again. Lydia, come down here! - [Calling.] He'll make me a go-between in their interviews! - ha! ha! ha! Come down, I say, Lydia! I don't wonder at your laughing, ha! ha! ha! his impudence is truly ridiculous. ABSOLUTE 'Tis very ridiculous, upon my soul, ma'am, ha! ha! ha! Mrs. MALAPROP The little hussy won't hear. Well, I'll go and tell her at once who it is - she shall know that Captain Absolute is come to wait on her. And I'll make her behave as becomes a young woman. ABSOLUTE As you please, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP For the present, captain, your servant. Ah! you've not done laughing yet, I see - elude my vigilance; yes, yes; ha! ha! ha! [Exit.] ABSOLUTE Ha! ha! ha! one would think now that I might throw off all disguise at once, and seize my prize with security; but such is Lydia's caprice, that to undeceive were probably to lose her. I'll see whether she knows me. [Walks aside, and seems engaged in looking at the pictures.] [Enter LYDIA.] LYDIA What a scene am I now to go through! surely nothing can be more dreadful than to be obliged to listen to the loathsome addresses of a stranger to one's heart. I have heard of girls persecuted as I am, who have appealed in behalf of their favoured lover to the generosity of his rival - suppose I were to try it - there stands the hated rival - an officer too! - but oh, how unlike my Beverley! I wonder he don't begin - truly he seems a very negligent wooer! - quite at his ease, upon my word! - I'll speak first - Mr. Absolute. ABSOLUTE Ma'am. [Turns round.] LYDIA O heavens! Beverley! ABSOLUTE Hush; - hush, my life! softly! be not surprised! LYDIA I am so astonished! and so terrified! and so overjoyed! - for Heaven's sake! how came you here? ABSOLUTE Briefly, I have deceived your aunt - I was informed that my new rival was to visit here this evening, and contriving to have him kept away, have passed myself on her for Captain Absolute. LYDIA O charming! And she really takes you for young Absolute? ABSOLUTE Oh, she's convinced of it. LYDIA Ha! ha! ha! I can't forbear laughing to think how her sagacity is overreached! ABSOLUTE But we trifle with our precious moments - such another opportunity may not occur; then let me now conjure my kind, my condescending angel, to fix the time when I may rescue her from undeserving persecution, and with a licensed warmth plead for my reward. LYDIA Will you then, Beverley, consent to forfeit that portion of my paltry wealth? - that burden on the wings of love? ABSOLUTE Oh, come to me - rich only thus - in loveliness! Bring no portion to me but thy love - 'twill be generous in you, Lydia - for well you know, it is the only dower your poor Beverley can repay. LYDIA [Aside.] How persuasive are his words! - how charming will poverty be with him! ABSOLUTE Ah! my soul, what a life will we then live! Love shall be our idol and support! we will worship him with a monastic strictness; abjuring all worldly toys, to centre every thought and action there. Proud of calamity, we will enjoy the wreck of wealth; while the surrounding gloom of adversity shall make the flame of our pure love show doubly bright. By Heavens! I would fling all goods of fortune from me with a prodigal hand, to enjoy the scene where I might clasp my Lydia to my bosom, and say, the world affords no smile to me but here - [Embracing her.] [Aside.] If she holds out now, the devil is in it! LYDIA [Aside.] Now could I fly with him to the antipodes! but my persecution is not yet come to a crisis. [Re-enter Mrs. MALAPROP, listening.] Mrs. MALAPROP [Aside.] I am impatient to know how the little hussy deports herself. ABSOLUTE So pensive, Lydia! - is then your warmth abated? Mrs. MALAPROP [Aside.] Warmth abated! - so! - she has been in a passion, I suppose. LYDIA No - nor ever can while I have life. Mrs. MALAPROP [Aside.] An ill tempered little devil! She'll be in a passion all her life - will she? LYDIA Think not the idle threats of my ridiculous aunt can ever have any weight with me. Mrs. MALAPROP [Aside.] Very dutiful, upon my word! LYDIA Let her choice be Captain Absolute, but Beverley is mine. Mrs. MALAPROP [Aside.] I am astonished at her assurance! - to his face - this is to his face! ABSOLUTE Thus then let me enforce my suit. [Kneeling.] Mrs. MALAPROP [Aside.] Ay, poor young man! - down on his knees entreating for pity! - I can contain no longer. - [Coming forward.] Why, thou vixen! - I have overheard you. ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Oh, confound her vigilance! Mrs. MALAPROP Captain Absolute, I know not how to apologize for her shocking rudeness. ABSOLUTE [Aside.] So all's safe, I find. - [Aloud.] I have hopes, madam, that time will bring the young lady - - Mrs. MALAPROP Oh, there's nothing to be hoped for from her! she's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile. LYDIA Nay, madam, what do you charge me with now? Mrs. MALAPROP Why, thou unblushing rebel - didn't you tell this gentleman to his face that you loved another better? - didn't you say you never would be his? LYDIA No, madam - I did not. Mrs. MALAPROP Good heavens! what assurance! - Lydia, Lydia, you ought to know that lying don't become a young woman! - Didn't you boast that Beverley, that stroller Beverley, possessed your heart? - Tell me that, I say. LYDIA 'Tis true, ma'am, and none but Beverley - - Mrs. MALAPROP Hold! - hold, Assurance! - you shall not be so rude. ABSOLUTE Nay, pray, Mrs. Malaprop, don't stop the young lady's speech: she's very welcome to talk thus - it does not hurt me in the least, I assure you. Mrs. MALAPROP You are too good, captain - too amiably patient - but come with me, miss. - Let us see you again soon, captain - remember what we have fixed. ABSOLUTE I shall, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP Come, take a graceful leave of the gentleman. LYDIA May every blessing wait on my Beverley, my loved Bev - - Mrs. MALAPROP Hussy! I'll choke the word in your throat! - come along - come along. [Exeunt severally; CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE kissing his hand to LYDIA - Mrs. MALAPROP stopping her from speaking.] * * * * * * * Scene IV - ACRES' Lodgings. [ACRES, as just dressed, and DAVID.] ACRES Indeed, David - do you think I become it so? DAVID You are quite another creature, believe me, master, by the mass! an' we've any luck we shall see the Devon mon kerony in all the print-shops in Bath! ACRES Dress does make a difference, David. DAVID 'Tis all in all, I think. - Difference! why, an' you were to go now to Clod-Hall, I am certain the old lady wouldn't know you: Master Butler wouldn't believe his own eyes, and Mrs. Pickle would cry, Lard presarve me! our dairy-maid would come giggling to the door, and I warrant Dolly Tester, your honour's favourite, would blush like my waistcoat. - Oons! I'll hold a gallon, there ain't a dog in the house but would bark, and I question whether Phillis would wag a hair of her tail! ACRES Ay, David, there's nothing like polishing. DAVID So I says of your honour's boots; but the boy never heeds me! ACRES But, David, has Mr. De-la-grace been here? I must rub up my balancing, and chasing, and boring. DAVID I'll call again, sir. ACRES Do - and see if there are any letters for me at the post-office. DAVID I will. - By the mass, I can't help looking at your head! - if I hadn't been by at the cooking, I wish I may die if I should have known the dish again myself! [Exit.] ACRES [Practising a dancing-step.] Sink, slide - coupee. - Confound the first inventors of cotillions! say I - they are as bad as algebra to us country gentlemen - I can walk a minuet easy enough when I am forced! - and I have been accounted a good stick in a country-dance. - Odds jigs and tabors! I never valued your cross-over to couple - figure in - right and left - and I'd foot it with e'er a captain in the county! - but these outlandish heathen allemandes and cotillions are quite beyond me! - I shall never prosper at 'em, that's sure - mine are true-born English legs - they don't understand their curst French lingo! - their pas this, and pas that, and pas t'other! - damn me! my feet don't like to be called paws! no, 'tis certain I have most Antigallican toes! [Enter SERVANT.] SERVANT Here is Sir Lucius O'Trigger to wait on you, sir. ACRES Show him in. [Exit SERVANT.] [Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.] Sir LUCIUS Mr. Acres, I am delighted to embrace you. ACRES My dear Sir Lucius, I kiss your hands. Sir LUCIUS Pray, my friend, what has brought you so suddenly to Bath? ACRES Faith! I have followed Cupid's Jack-a-lantern, and find myself in a quagmire at last. - In short, I have been very ill used, Sir Lucius. - I don't choose to mention names, but look on me as on a very ill-used gentleman. Sir LUCIUS Pray what is the case? - I ask no names. ACRES Mark me, Sir Lucius, I fall as deep as need be in love with a young lady - her friends take my part - I follow her to Bath - send word of my arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is to be otherwise disposed of. - This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill-used. Sir LUCIUS Very ill, upon my conscience. - Pray, can you divine the cause of it? ACRES Why, there's the matter; she has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in Bath. - Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom of it. Sir LUCIUS A rival in the case, is there? - and you think he has supplanted you unfairly? ACRES Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never could have done it fairly. Sir LUCIUS Then sure you know what is to be done! ACRES Not I, upon my soul! Sir LUCIUS We wear no swords here, but you understand me. ACRES What! fight him! Sir LUCIUS Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else? ACRES But he has given me no provocation. Sir LUCIUS Now, I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world. Can a man commit a more heinous offence against another than to fall in love with the same woman? Oh, by my soul! it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship. ACRES Breach of friendship! ay, ay; but I have no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in my life. Sir LUCIUS That's no argument at all - he has the less right then to take such a liberty. ACRES Gad, that's true - I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius! - I fire apace! Odds hilts and blades! I find a man may have a deal of valour in him, and not know it! But couldn't I contrive to have a little right of my side? Sir LUCIUS What the devil signifies right, when your honour is concerned? Do you think Achilles, or my little Alexander the Great, ever inquired where the right lay? No, by my soul, they drew their broad-swords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the justice of it. ACRES Your words are a grenadier's march to my heart! I believe courage must be catching! I certainly do feel a kind of valour rising as it were - a kind of courage, as I may say. - Odds flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him directly. Sir LUCIUS Ah, my little friend, if I had Blunderbuss Hall here, I could show you a range of ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish the new room; every one of whom had killed his man! - For though the mansion-house and dirty acres have slipped through my fingers, I thank heaven our honour and the family-pictures are as fresh as ever. ACRES O, Sir Lucius! I have had ancestors too! - every man of 'em colonel or captain in the militia! - Odds balls and barrels! say no more - I'm braced for it. The thunder of your words has soured the milk of human kindness in my breast; - Zounds! as the man in the play says, I could do such deeds! Sir LUCIUS Come, come, there must be no passion at all in the case - these things should always be done civilly. ACRES I must be in a passion, Sir Lucius - I must be in a rage. - Dear Sir Lucius, let me be in a rage, if you love me. Come, here's pen and paper. - [Sits down to write.] I would the ink were red! - Indite, I say, indite! - How shall I begin? Odds bullets and blades! I'll write a good bold hand, however. Sir LUCIUS Pray compose yourself. ACRES Come - now, shall I begin with an oath? Do, Sir Lucius, let me begin with a damme. Sir LUCIUS Pho! pho! do the thing decently, and like a Christian. Begin now - Sir - - ACRES That's too civil by half. Sir LUCIUS To prevent the confusion that might arise - - ACRES Well - - Sir LUCIUS From our both addressing the same lady - - ACRES Ay, there's the reason - same lady - well - - Sir LUCIUS I shall expect the honour of your company - - ACRES Zounds! I'm not asking him to dinner. Sir LUCIUS Pray be easy. ACRES Well, then, honour of your company - - Sir LUCIUS To settle our pretensions - - ACRES Well. Sir LUCIUS Let me see, ay, King's-Mead-Fields will do - in King's-Mead-Fields. ACRES So, that's done - Well, I'll fold it up presently; my own crest - a hand and dagger shall be the seal. Sir LUCIUS You see now this little explanation will put a stop at once to all confusion or misunderstanding that might arise between you. ACRES Ay, we fight to prevent any misunderstanding. Sir LUCIUS Now, I'll leave you to fix your own time. - Take my advice, and you'll decide it this evening if you can; then let the worst come of it, 'twill be off your mind to-morrow. ACRES Very true. Sir LUCIUS So I shall see nothing of you, unless it be by letter, till the evening. - I would do myself the honour to carry your message; but, to tell you a secret, I believe I shall have just such another affair on my own hands. There is a gay captain here, who put a jest on me lately, at the expense of my country, and I only want to fall in with the gentleman, to call him out. ACRES By my valour, I should like to see you fight first! Odds life! I should like to see you kill him if it was only to get a little lesson. Sir LUCIUS I shall be very proud of instructing you. - Well for the present - but remember now, when you meet your antagonist, do every thing in a mild and agreeable manner. - Let your courage be as keen, but at the same time as polished, as your sword. [Exeunt severally.] * * * * * * * * * * * ACT IV * * * * * * * Scene I - ACRES' Lodgings. [ACRES and DAVID.] DAVID Then, by the mass, sir! I would do no such thing - ne'er a Sir Lucius O'Trigger in the kingdom should make me fight, when I wasn't so minded. Oons! what will the old lady say, when she hears o't? ACRES Ah! David, if you had heard Sir Lucius! - Odds sparks and flames! he would have roused your valour. DAVID Not he, indeed. I hate such bloodthirsty cormorants. Look'ee, master, if you wanted a bout at boxing, quarter staff, or short-staff, I should never be the man to bid you cry off: but for your curst sharps and snaps, I never knew any good come of 'em. ACRES But my honour, David, my honour! I must be very careful of my honour. DAVID Ay, by the mass! and I would be very careful of it; and I think in return my honour couldn't do less than to be very careful of me. ACRES Odds blades! David, no gentleman will ever risk the loss of his honour! DAVID I say then, it would be but civil in honour never to risk the loss of a gentleman. - Look'ee, master, this honour seems to me to be a marvellous false friend: ay, truly, a very courtier-like servant. - Put the case, I was a gentleman (which, thank God, no one can say of me;) well - my honour makes me quarrel with another gentleman of my acquaintance. - So - we fight. (Pleasant enough that!) Boh! - I kill him - (the more's my luck!) now, pray who gets the profit of it? - Why, my honour. But put the case that he kills me! - by the mass! I go to the worms, and my honour whips over to my enemy. ACRES No, David - in that case! - odds crowns and laurels! your honour follows you to the grave. DAVID Now, that's just the place where I could make a shift to do without it. ACRES Zounds! David, you are a coward! - It doesn't become my valour to listen to you. - What, shall I disgrace my ancestors? - Think of that, David - think what it would be to disgrace my ancestors! DAVID Under favour, the surest way of not disgracing them, is to keep as long as you can out of their company. Look'ee now, master, to go to them in such haste - with an ounce of lead in your brains - I should think might as well be let alone. Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. ACRES But, David, now, you don't think there is such very, very, very great danger, hey? - Odds life! people often fight without any mischief done! DAVID By the mass, I think 'tis ten to one against you! - Oons! here to meet some lion-headed fellow, I warrant, with his damned double-barrelled swords, and cut-and-thrust pistols! - Lord bless us! it makes me tremble to think o't - Those be such desperate bloody-minded weapons! Well, I never could abide 'em! - from a child I never could fancy 'em! - I suppose there an't been so merciless a beast in the world as your loaded pistol! ACRES Zounds! I won't be afraid! - Odds fire and fury! you shan't make me afraid. - Here is the challenge, and I have sent for my dear friend Jack Absolute to carry it for me. DAVID Ay, i' the name of mischief, let him be the messenger. - For my part I wouldn't lend a hand to it for the best horse in your stable. By the mass! it don't look like another letter! It is, as I may say, a designing and malicious-looking letter; and I warrant smells of gunpowder like a soldier's pouch! - Oons! I wouldn't swear it mayn't go off! ACRES Out, you poltroon! you ha'n't the valour of a grasshopper. DAVID Well, I say no more - 'twill be sad news, to be sure, at Clod-Hall! but I ha' done. - How Phillis will howl when she hears of it! - Ay, poor bitch, she little thinks what shooting her master's going after! And I warrant old Crop, who has carried your honour, field and road, these ten years, will curse the hour he was born. [Whimpering.] ACRES It won't do, David - I am determined to fight - so get along you coward, while I'm in the mind. [Enter SERVANT.] SERVANT Captain Absolute, sir. ACRES Oh! show him up. [Exit SERVANT.] DAVID Well, Heaven send we be all alive this time to-morrow. ACRES What's that? - Don't provoke me, David! DAVID Good-bye, master. [Whimpering.] ACRES Get along, you cowardly, dastardly, croaking raven! [Exit DAVID.] [Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] ABSOLUTE What's the matter, Bob? ACRES A vile, sheep-hearted blockhead! If I hadn't the valour of St. George and the dragon to boot - - ABSOLUTE But what did you want with me, Bob? ACRES Oh! - There - - [Gives him the challenge.] ABSOLUTE [Aside.] To Ensign Beverley. - So, what's going on now? - [Aloud.] Well, what's this? ACRES A challenge! ABSOLUTE Indeed! Why, you won't fight him; will you, Bob? ACRES Egad, but I will, Jack. Sir Lucius has wrought me to it. He has left me full of rage - and I'll fight this evening, that so much good passion mayn't be wasted. ABSOLUTE But what have I to do with this? ACRES Why, as I think you know something of this fellow, I want you to find him out for me, and give him this mortal defiance. ABSOLUTE Well, give it to me, and trust me he gets it. ACRES Thank you, my dear friend, my dear Jack; but it is giving you a great deal of trouble. ABSOLUTE Not in the least - I beg you won't mention it. - No trouble in the world, I assure you. ACRES You are very kind. - What it is to have a friend! - You couldn't be my second, could you, Jack? ABSOLUTE Why no, Bob - not in this affair - it would not be quite so proper. ACRES Well, then, I must get my friend Sir Lucius. I shall have your good wishes, however, Jack? ABSOLUTE Whenever he meets you, believe me. [Re-enter SERVANT.] SERVANT Sir Anthony Absolute is below, inquiring for the captain. ABSOLUTE I'll come instantly. - - [Exit SERVANT.] Well, my little hero, success attend you. [Going.] ACRES - - Stay - stay, Jack. - If Beverley should ask you what kind of a man your friend Acres is, do tell him I am a devil of a fellow - will you, Jack? ABSOLUTE To be sure I shall. I'll say you are a determined dog - hey, Bob! ACRES Ah, do, do - and if that frightens him, egad, perhaps he mayn't come. So tell him I generally kill a man a week; will you, Jack? ABSOLUTE I will, I will; I'll say you are called in the country Fighting Bob. ACRES Right - right - 'tis all to prevent mischief; for I don't want to take his life if I clear my honour. ABSOLUTE No! - that's very kind of you. ACRES Why, you don't wish me to kill him - do you, Jack? ABSOLUTE No, upon my soul, I do not. But a devil of a fellow, hey? [Going.] ACRES True, true - but stay - stay, Jack - you may add, that you never saw me in such a rage before - a most devouring rage! ABSOLUTE I will, I will. ACRES Remember, Jack - a determined dog! ABSOLUTE Ay, ay, Fighting Bob! [Exeunt severally.] * * * * * * * Scene II - Mrs. MALAPROP's Lodgings. [Mrs. MALAPROP and LYDIA.] Mrs. MALAPROP Why, thou perverse one! - tell me what you can object to him? Isn't he a handsome man? - tell me that. A genteel man? a pretty figure of a man? LYDIA [Aside.] She little thinks whom she is praising! - [Aloud.] So is Beverley, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP No caparisons, miss, if you please. Caparisons don't become a young woman. No! Captain Absolute is indeed a fine gentleman! LYDIA [Aside.] Ay, the Captain Absolute you have seen. Mrs. MALAPROP Then he's so well bred; - so full of alacrity, and adulation! - and has so much to say for himself: - in such good language, too! His physiognomy so grammatical! Then his presence is so noble! I protest, when I saw him, I thought of what Hamlet says in the play: - "Hesperian curls - the front of Job himself! - An eye, like March, to threaten at command! - A station, like Harry Mercury, new - - " Something about kissing - on a hill - however, the similitude struck me directly. LYDIA [Aside.] How enraged she'll be presently, when she discovers her mistake! [Enter SERVANT.] SERVANT Sir Anthony and Captain Absolute are below, ma'am. Mrs. MALAPROP Show them up here. - - [Exit SERVANT.] Now, Lydia, I insist on your behaving as becomes a young woman. Show your good breeding, at least, though you have forgot your duty. LYDIA Madam, I have told you my resolution! - I shall not only give him no encouragement, but I won't even speak to, or look at him. [Flings herself into a chair, with her face from the door.] [Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Sir ANTHONY Here we are, Mrs. Malaprop; come to mitigate the frowns of unrelenting beauty, - and difficulty enough I had to bring this fellow. - I don't know what's the matter; but if I had not held him by force, he'd have given me the slip. Mrs. MALAPROP You have infinite trouble, Sir Anthony, in the affair. I am ashamed for the cause! - [Aside to LYDIA.] Lydia, Lydia, rise, I beseech you! - pay your respects! Sir ANTHONY I hope, madam, that Miss Languish has reflected on the worth of this gentleman, and the regard due to her aunt's choice, and my alliance. - [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Now, Jack, speak to her. ABSOLUTE [Aside.] What the devil shall I do! - [Aside to Sir ANTHONY.] You see, sir, she won't even look at me whilst you are here. I knew she wouldn't! I told you so. Let me entreat you, sir, to leave us together! [Seems to expostulate with his father.] LYDIA [Aside.] I wonder I ha'n't heard my aunt exclaim yet! sure she can't have looked at him! - perhaps the regimentals are alike, and she is something blind. Sir ANTHONY I say, sir, I won't stir a foot yet! Mrs. MALAPROP I am sorry to say, Sir Anthony, that my affluence over my niece is very small. - [Aside to LYDIA.] Turn round, Lydia: I blush for you! Sir ANTHONY May I not flatter myself, that Miss Languish will assign what cause of dislike she can have to my son! - [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Why don't you begin, Jack? - Speak, you puppy - speak! Mrs. MALAPROP It is impossible, Sir Anthony, she can have any. She will not say she has. - [Aside to LYDIA.] Answer, hussy! why don't you answer? Sir ANTHONY Then, madam, I trust that a childish and hasty predilection will be no bar to Jack's happiness. - [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Zounds! sirrah! why don't you speak? LYDIA [Aside.] I think my lover seems as little inclined to conversation as myself. - How strangely blind my aunt must be! ABSOLUTE Hem! hem! madam - hem! - [Attempts to speak, then returns to Sir ANTHONY.] Faith! sir, I am so confounded! - and - so - so - confused! - I told you I should be so, sir - I knew it. - The - the - tremor of my passion entirely takes away my presence of mind. Sir ANTHONY But it don't take away your voice, fool, does it? - Go up, and speak to her directly! [CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE makes signs to Mrs. MALAPROP to leave them together.] Mrs. MALAPROP Sir Anthony, shall we leave them together? - [Aside to LYDIA.] Ah! you stubborn little vixen! Sir ANTHONY Not yet, ma'am, not yet! - [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] What the devil are you at? unlock your jaws, sirrah, or - - ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Now Heaven send she may be too sullen to look round! - I must disguise my voice. - [Draws near LYDIA, and speaks in a low hoarse tone.] Will not Miss Languish lend an ear to the mild accents of true love? Will not - - Sir ANTHONY What the devil ails the fellow? why don't you speak out? - not stand croaking like a frog in a quinsy! ABSOLUTE The - the - excess of my awe, and my - my - my modesty, quite choke me! Sir ANTHONY Ah! your modesty again! - I'll tell you what, Jack; if you don't speak out directly, and glibly too, I shall be in such a rage! - Mrs. Malaprop, I wish the lady would favour us with something more than a side-front. [Mrs. MALAPROP seems to chide LYDIA.] ABSOLUTE [Aside.] So all will out, I see! - [Goes up to LYDIA, speaks softly.] Be not surprised, my Lydia, suppress all surprise at present. LYDIA [Aside.] Heavens! 'tis Beverley's voice! Sure he can't have imposed on Sir Anthony too! - [Looks round by degrees, then starts up.] Is this possible! - my Beverley! - how can this be? - my Beverley? ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Ah! 'tis all over. Sir ANTHONY Beverley! - the devil - Beverley! - What can the girl mean? - this is my son, Jack Absolute. Mrs. MALAPROP For shame, hussy! for shame! your head runs so on that fellow, that you have him always in your eyes! - beg Captain Absolute's pardon directly. LYDIA I see no Captain Absolute, but my loved Beverley! Sir ANTHONY Zounds! the girl's mad! - her brain's turned by reading. Mrs. MALAPROP O' my conscience, I believe so! - What do you mean by Beverley, hussy? - You saw Captain Absolute before to-day; there he is - your husband that shall be. LYDIA With all my soul, ma'am - when I refuse my Beverley - - Sir ANTHONY Oh! she's as mad as Bedlam! - or has this fellow been playing us a rogue's trick! - Come here, sirrah, who the devil are you? ABSOLUTE Faith, sir, I am not quite clear myself; but I'll endeavour to recollect. Sir ANTHONY Are you my son or not? - answer for your mother, you dog, if you won't for me. Mrs. MALAPROP Ay, sir, who are you? O mercy! I begin to suspect! - - ABSOLUTE [Aside.] Ye powers of impudence, befriend me! - [Aloud.] Sir Anthony, most assuredly I am your wife's son: and that I sincerely believe myself to be yours also, I hope my duty has always shown. - Mrs. Malaprop, I am your most respectful admirer, and shall be proud to add affectionate nephew. - I need not tell my Lydia, that she sees her faithful Beverley, who, knowing the singular generosity of her temper, assumed that name and station, which has proved a test of the most disinterested love, which he now hopes to enjoy in a more elevated character. LYDIA [Sullenly.] So! - there will be no elopement after all! Sir ANTHONY Upon my soul, Jack, thou art a very impudent fellow! to do you justice, I think I never saw a piece of more consummate assurance! ABSOLUTE Oh, you flatter me, sir - you compliment - 'tis my modesty, you know, sir, - my modesty that has stood in my way. Sir ANTHONY Well, I am glad you are not the dull, insensible varlet you pretended to be, however! - I'm glad you have made a fool of your father, you dog - I am. So this was your penitence , your duty and obedience! - I thought it was damned sudden! - You never heard their names before , not you! - what, the Languishes of Worcestershire , hey? - if you could please me in the affair it was all you desired! - Ah! you dissembling villain! - What! - [Pointing to Lydia] She squints, don't she? - a little red-haired girl! - hey? - Why, you hypocritical young rascal! - I wonder you ain't ashamed to hold up your head! ABSOLUTE 'Tis with difficulty, sir. - I am confused - very much confused, as you must perceive. Mrs. MALAPROP O Lud! Sir Anthony! - a new light breaks in upon me! - hey! - how! what! captain, did you write the letters then? - What - am I to thank you for the elegant compilation of an old weather-beaten she-dragon - hey! - O mercy! - was it you that reflected on my parts of speech? ABSOLUTE Dear sir! my modesty will be overpowered at last, if you don't assist me - I shall certainly not be able to stand it! Sir ANTHONY Come, come, Mrs. Malaprop, we must forget and forgive; - odds life! matters have taken so clever a turn all of a sudden, that I could find in my heart to be so good-humoured! and so gallant! hey! Mrs. Malaprop! Mrs. MALAPROP Well, Sir Anthony, since you desire it, we will not anticipate the past! - so mind, young people - our retrospection will be all to the future. Sir ANTHONY Come, we must leave them together; Mrs. Malaprop, they long to fly into each other's arms, I warrant! - Jack - isn't the cheek as I said, hey? - and the eye, you rogue! - and the lip - hey? Come, Mrs. Malaprop, we'll not disturb their tenderness - theirs is the time of life for happiness! - Youth's the season made for joy - [Sings.] - hey! - Odds life! I'm in such spirits, - I don't know what I could not do! - Permit me, ma'am - [Gives his hand to Mrs. MALAPROP.] Tol-de-rol - 'gad, I should like to have a little fooling myself - Tol-de-rol! de-rol. [Exit, singing and handing Mrs. MALAPROP. - LYDIA sits sullenly in her chair.] ABSOLUTE [Aside.] So much thought bodes me no good. - [Aloud.] So grave, Lydia! LYDIA Sir! ABSOLUTE [Aside.] So! - egad! I thought as much! - that damned monosyllable has froze me! - [Aloud.] What, Lydia, now that we are as happy in our friends' consent, as in our mutual vows - - LYDIA [Peevishly.] Friends' consent indeed! ABSOLUTE Come, come, we must lay aside some of our romance - a little wealth and comfort may be endured after all. And for your fortune, the lawyers shall make such settlements as - - LYDIA Lawyers! I hate lawyers! ABSOLUTE Nay, then, we will not wait for their lingering forms, but instantly procure the licence, and - - LYDIA The licence! - I hate licence! ABSOLUTE Oh my love! be not so unkind! - thus let me entreat - - [Kneeling.] LYDIA Psha! - what signifies kneeling, when you know I must have you? ABSOLUTE [Rising.] Nay, madam, there shall be no constraint upon your inclinations, I promise you. - If I have lost your heart - I resign the rest - [Aside.] 'Gad, I must try what a little spirit will do. LYDIA [Rising.] Then, sir, let me tell you, the interest you had there was acquired by a mean, unmanly imposition, and deserves the punishment of fraud. - What, you have been treating me like a child! - humouring my romance! and laughing, I suppose, at your success! ABSOLUTE You wrong me, Lydia, you wrong me - only hear - - LYDIA So, while I fondly imagined we were deceiving my relations, and flattered myself that I should outwit and incense them all - behold my hopes are to be crushed at once, by my aunt's consent and approbation - and I am myself the only dupe at last! - [Walking about in a heat.] But here, sir, here is the picture - Beverley's picture! [taking a miniature from her bosom] which I have worn, night and day, in spite of threats and entreaties! - There, sir [Flings it to him.]; and be assured I throw the original from my heart as easily. ABSOLUTE Nay, nay, ma'am, we will not differ as to that. - Here [taking out a picture], here is Miss Lydia Languish. - What a difference! - ay, there is the heavenly assenting smile that first gave soul and spirit to my hopes! - those are the lips which sealed a vow, as yet scarce dry in Cupid's calendar! and there the half-resentful blush, that would have checked the ardour of my thanks! - Well, all that's past! - all over indeed! - There, madam - in beauty, that copy is not equal to you, but in my mind its merit over the original, in being still the same, is such - that - I cannot find in my heart to part with it. [Puts it up again.] LYDIA [Softening.] 'Tis your own doing, sir - I, I, I suppose you are perfectly satisfied. ABSOLUTE O, most certainly - sure, now, this is much better than being in love! - ha! ha! ha! - there's some spirit in this! - What signifies breaking some scores of solemn promises: - all that's of no consequence, you know. To be sure people will say, that miss don't know her own mind - but never mind that! Or, perhaps, they may be ill-natured enough to hint, that the gentleman grew tired of the lady and forsook her - but don't let that fret you. LYDIA There is no bearing his insolence. [Bursts into tears.] [Re-enter Mrs. MALAPROP and Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Mrs. MALAPROP Come, we must interrupt your billing and cooing awhile. LYDIA This is worse than your treachery and deceit, you base ingrate! [Sobbing.] Sir ANTHONY What the devil's the matter now? - Zounds! Mrs. Malaprop, this is the oddest billing and cooing I ever heard! - but what the deuce is the meaning of it? - I am quite astonished! ABSOLUTE Ask the lady, sir. Mrs. MALAPROP O mercy! - I'm quite analyzed, for my part! - Why, Lydia, what is the reason of this? LYDIA Ask the gentleman, ma'am. Sir ANTHONY Zounds! I shall be in a frenzy! - Why, Jack, you are not come out to be any one else, are you? Mrs. MALAPROP Ay, sir, there's no more trick, is there? - you are not like Cerberus, three gentlemen at once, are you? ABSOLUTE You'll not let me speak - I say the lady can account for this much much better than I can. LYDIA Ma'am, you once commanded me never to think of Beverley again - there is the man - I now obey you: for, from this moment, I renounce him for ever. [Exit.] Mrs. MALAPROP O mercy! and miracles! what a turn here is - why, sure, captain, you haven't behaved disrespectfully to my niece. Sir ANTHONY Ha! ha! ha! - ha! ha! ha! - now I see it. Ha! ha! ha! - now I see it - you have been too lively, Jack. ABSOLUTE Nay, sir, upon my word - - Sir ANTHONY Come, no lying, Jack - I'm sure 'twas so. Mrs. MALAPROP O Lud! Sir Anthony! - O fy, captain! ABSOLUTE Upon my soul, ma'am - - Sir ANTHONY Come, no excuses, Jack; why, your father, you rogue, was so before you: - the blood of the Absolutes was always impatient. - Ha! ha! ha! poor little Lydia! why, you've frightened her, you dog, you have. ABSOLUTE By all that's good, sir - - Sir ANTHONY Zounds! say no more, I tell you - Mrs. Malaprop shall make your peace. You must make his peace, Mrs. Malaprop: - you must tell her 'tis Jack's way - tell her 'tis all our ways - it runs in the blood of our family! Come away, Jack - Ha! ha! ha! - Mrs. Malaprop - a young villain! [Pushing him out.] Mrs. MALAPROP O! Sir Anthony! - O fy, captain! [Exeunt severally.] * * * * * * * Scene III - The North Parade. [Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.] Sir LUCIUS I wonder where this Captain Absolute hides himself! Upon my conscience! these officers are always in one's way in love affairs: - I remember I might have married Lady Dorothy Carmine, if it had not been for a little rogue of a major, who ran away with her before she could get a sight of me! And I wonder too what it is the ladies can see in them to be so fond of them - unless it be a touch of the old serpent in 'em, that makes the little creatures be caught, like vipers, with a bit of red cloth. Ha! isn't this the captain coming? - faith it is! - There is a probability of succeeding about that fellow, that is mighty provoking! Who the devil is he talking to? [Steps aside.] [Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] ABSOLUTE [Aside.] To what fine purpose I have been plotting! a noble reward for all my schemes, upon my soul! - a little gipsy! - I did not think her romance could have made her so damned absurd either. 'Sdeath, I never was in a worse humour in my life! - I could cut my own throat, or any other person's, with the greatest pleasure in the world! Sir LUCIUS Oh, faith! I'm in the luck of it. I never could have found him in a sweeter temper for my purpose - to be sure I'm just come in the nick! Now to enter into conversation with him, and so quarrel genteelly. - [Goes up to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] With regard to that matter, captain, I must beg leave to differ in opinion with you. ABSOLUTE Upon my word, then, you must be a very subtle disputant: - because, sir, I happened just then to be giving no opinion at all. Sir LUCIUS That's no reason. For give me leave to tell you, a man may think an untruth as well as speak one. ABSOLUTE Very true, sir; but if a man never utters his thoughts, I should think they might stand a chance of escaping controversy. Sir LUCIUS Then, sir, you differ in opinion with me, which amounts to the same thing. ABSOLUTE Hark'ee, Sir Lucius; if I had not before known you to be a gentleman, upon my soul, I should not have discovered it at this interview: for what you can drive at, unless you mean to quarrel with me, I cannot conceive! Sir LUCIUS I humbly thank you, sir, for the quickness of your apprehension. - [Bowing.] You have named the very thing I would be at. ABSOLUTE Very well, sir; I shall certainly not balk your inclinations. - But I should be glad you would please to explain your motives. Sir LUCIUS Pray, sir, be easy; the quarrel is a very pretty quarrel as it stands; we should only spoil it by trying to explain it. However, your memory is very short, or you could not have forgot an affront you passed on me within this week. So, no more, but name your time and place. ABSOLUTE Well, sir, since you are so bent on it, the sooner the better; let it be this evening - here, by the Spring Gardens. We shall scarcely be interrupted. Sir LUCIUS Faith! that same interruption in affairs of this nature shows very great ill-breeding. I don't know what's the reason, but in England if a thing of this kind gets wind, people make such a pother, that a gentleman can never fight in peace and quietness. However, if it's the same to you, captain, I should take it as a particular kindness if you'd let us meet in King's-Mead-Fields, as a little business will call me there about six o'clock, and I may despatch both matters at once. ABSOLUTE 'Tis the same to me exactly. A little after six, then, we will discuss this matter more seriously. Sir LUCIUS If you please, sir; there will be very pretty small-sword light, though it won't do for a long shot. So that matter's settled, and my mind's at ease! [Exit.] [Enter FAULKLAND.] ABSOLUTE Well met! I was going to look for you. O Faulkland! all the demons of spite and disappointment have conspired against me! I'm so vex'd, that if I had not the prospect of a resource in being knocked o' the head by-and-by, I should scarce have spirits to tell you the cause. FAULKLAND What can you mean? - Has Lydia changed her mind? - I should have thought her duty and inclination would now have pointed to the same object. ABSOLUTE Ay, just as the eyes do of a person who squints: when her love-eye was fixed on me, t'other, her eye of duty, was finely obliqued: but when duty bid her point that the same way, off t'other turned on a swivel, and secured its retreat with a frown! FAULKLAND But what's the resource you - - ABSOLUTE Oh, to wind up the whole, a good-natured Irishman here has - [Mimicking Sir LUCIUS] begged leave to have the pleasure of cutting my throat; and I mean to indulge him - that's all. FAULKLAND Prithee, be serious! ABSOLUTE 'Tis fact, upon my soul! Sir Lucius O'Trigger - you know him by sight - for some affront, which I am sure I never intended, has obliged me to meet him this evening at six o'clock: 'tis on that account I wished to see you; you must go with me. FAULKLAND Nay, there must be some mistake, sure. Sir Lucius shall explain himself, and I dare say matters may be accommodated. But this evening did you say? I wish it had been any other time. ABSOLUTE Why? there will be light enough: there will (as Sir Lucius says) be very pretty small-sword light, though it will not do for a long shot. Confound his long shots. FAULKLAND But I am myself a good deal ruffled by a difference I have had with Julia. My vile tormenting temper has made me treat her so cruelly, that I shall not be myself till we are reconciled. ABSOLUTE By heavens! Faulkland, you don't deserve her! [Enter SERVANT, gives FAULKLAND a letter, and exit.] FAULKLAND Oh, Jack! this is from Julia. I dread to open it! I fear it may be to take a last leave! - perhaps to bid me return her letters, and restore - Oh, how I suffer for my folly! ABSOLUTE Here, let me see. - [Takes the letter and opens it.] Ay, a final sentence, indeed! - 'tis all over with you, faith! FAULKLAND Nay, Jack, don't keep me in suspense! ABSOLUTE Here then - [Reads.] As I am convinced that my dear Faulkland's own reflections have already upbraided him for his last unkindness to me, I will not add a word on the subject. I wish to speak with you as soon as possible. Yours ever and truly, Julia. There's stubbornness and resentment for you! - [Gives him the letter.] Why, man, you don't seem one whit the happier at this! FAULKLAND O yes, I am; but - but - - ABSOLUTE Confound your buts! you never hear any thing that would make another man bless himself, but you immediately damn it with a but! FAULKLAND Now, Jack, as you are my friend, own honestly - don't you think there is something forward, something indelicate, in this haste to forgive? Women should never sue for reconciliation: that should always come from us. They should retain their coldness till wooed to kindness; and their pardon, like their love, should "not unsought be won." ABSOLUTE I have not patience to listen to you! thou'rt incorrigible! so say no more on the subject. I must go to settle a few matters. Let me see you before six, remember, at my lodgings. A poor industrious devil like me, who have toiled, and drudged, and plotted to gain my ends, and am at last disappointed by other people's folly, may in pity be allowed to swear and grumble a little; but a captious sceptic in love, a slave to fretfulness and whim, who has no difficulties but of his own creating, is a subject more fit for ridicule than compassion! [Exit.] FAULKLAND I feel his reproaches; yet I would not change this too exquisite nicety for the gross content with which he tramples on the thorns of love! His engaging me in this duel has started an idea in my head, which I will instantly pursue. I'll use it as the touchstone of Julia's sincerity and disinterestedness. If her love prove pure and sterling ore, my name will rest on it with honour; and once I've stamped it there, I lay aside my doubts for ever! But if the dross of selfishness, the alloy of pride, predominate, 'twill be best to leave her as a toy for some less cautious fool to sigh for! [Exit.] * * * * * * * * * * * ACT V * * * * * * * Scene I - JULIA's Dressing-Room. [JULIA discovered alone.] JULIA How this message has alarmed me! what dreadful accident can he mean? why such charge to be alone? - O Faulkland! - how many unhappy moments - how many tears have you cost me. [Enter FAULKLAND.] JULIA What means this? - why this caution, Faulkland? FAULKLAND Alas! Julia, I am come to take a long farewell. JULIA Heavens! what do you mean? FAULKLAND You see before you a wretch, whose life is forfeited. Nay, start not! - the infirmity of my temper has drawn all this misery on me. I left you fretful and passionate - an untoward accident drew me into a quarrel - the event is, that I must fly this kingdom instantly. O Julia, had I been so fortunate as to have called you mine entirely, before this mischance had fallen on me, I should not so deeply dread my banishment! JULIA My soul is oppressed with sorrow at the nature of your misfortune: had these adverse circumstances arisen from a less fatal cause, I should have felt strong comfort in the thought that I could now chase from your bosom every doubt of the warm sincerity of my love. My heart has long known no other guardian - I now entrust my person to your honour - we will fly together. When safe from pursuit, my father's will may be fulfilled - and I receive a legal claim to be the partner of your sorrows, and tenderest comforter. Then on the bosom of your wedded Julia, you may lull your keen regret to slumbering; while virtuous love, with a cherub's hand, shall smooth the brow of upbraiding thought, and pluck the thorn from compunction. FAULKLAND O Julia! I am bankrupt in gratitude! but the time is so pressing, it calls on you for so hasty a resolution. - Would you not wish some hours to weigh the advantages you forego, and what little compensation poor Faulkland can make you beside his solitary love? JULIA I ask not a moment. No, Faulkland, I have loved you for yourself: and if I now, more than ever, prize the solemn engagement which so long has pledged us to each other, it is because it leaves no room for hard aspersions on my fame, and puts the seal of duty to an act of love. But let us not linger. Perhaps this delay - - FAULKLAND 'Twill be better I should not venture out again till dark. Yet am I grieved to think what numberless distresses will press heavy on your gentle disposition! JULIA Perhaps your fortune may be forfeited by this unhappy act. - I know not whether 'tis so; but sure that alone can never make us unhappy. The little I have will be sufficient to support us; and exile never should be splendid. FAULKLAND Ay, but in such an abject state of life, my wounded pride perhaps may increase the natural fretfulness of my temper, till I become a rude, morose companion, beyond your patience to endure. Perhaps the recollection of a deed my conscience cannot justify may haunt me in such gloomy and unsocial fits, that I shall hate the tenderness that would relieve me, break from your arms, and quarrel with your fondness! JULIA If your thoughts should assume so unhappy a bent, you will the more want some mild and affectionate spirit to watch over and console you: one who, by bearing your infirmities with gentleness and resignation, may teach you so to bear the evils of your fortune. FAULKLAND Julia, I have proved you to the quick! and with this useless device I throw away all my doubts. How shall I plead to be forgiven this last unworthy effect of my restless, unsatisfied disposition? JULIA Has no such disaster happened as you related? FAULKLAND I am ashamed to own that it was pretended; yet in pity, Julia, do not kill me with resenting a fault which never can be repeated: but sealing, this once, my pardon, let me to-morrow, in the face of Heaven, receive my future guide and monitress, and expiate my past folly by years of tender adoration. JULIA Hold, Faulkland! - that you are free from a crime, which I before feared to name, Heaven knows how sincerely I rejoice! These are tears of thankfulness for that! But that your cruel doubts should have urged you to an imposition that has wrung my heart, gives me now a pang more keen than I can express! FAULKLAND By Heavens! Julia - - JULIA Yet hear me, - My father loved you, Faulkland! and you preserved the life that tender parent gave me; in his presence I pledged my hand - joyfully pledged it - where before I had given my heart. When, soon after, I lost that parent, it seemed to me that Providence had, in Faulkland, shown me whither to transfer without a pause, my grateful duty, as well as my affection; hence I have been content to bear from you what pride and delicacy would have forbid me from another. I will not upbraid you, by repeating how you have trifled with my sincerity - - FAULKLAND I confess it all! yet hear - - JULIA After such a year of trial, I might have flattered myself that I should not have been insulted with a new probation of my sincerity, as cruel as unnecessary! I now see it is not in your nature to be content or confident in love. With this conviction - I never will be yours. While I had hopes that my persevering attention, and unreproaching kindness, might in time reform your temper, I should have been happy to have gained a dearer influence over you; but I will not furnish you with a licensed power to keep alive an incorrigible fault, at the expense of one who never would contend with you. FAULKLAND Nay, but, Julia, by my soul and honour, if after this - - JULIA But one word more. - As my faith has once been given to you, I never will barter it with another. - I shall pray for your happiness with the truest sincerity; and the dearest blessing I can ask of Heaven to send you will be to charm you from that unhappy temper, which alone has prevented the performance of our solemn engagement. All I request of you is, that you will yourself reflect upon this infirmity, and when you number up the many true delights it has deprived you of, let it not be your least regret, that it lost you the love of one who would have followed you in beggary through the world! [Exit.] FAULKLAND She's gone - for ever! - There was an awful resolution in her manner, that riveted me to my place. - O fool! - dolt! - barbarian! Cursed as I am, with more imperfections than my fellow wretches, kind Fortune sent a heaven-gifted cherub to my aid, and, like a ruffian, I have driven her from my side! - I must now haste to my appointment. Well, my mind is tuned for such a scene. I shall wish only to become a principal in it, and reverse the tale my cursed folly put me upon forging here. - O Love! - tormentor! - fiend! - whose influence, like the moon's, acting on men of dull souls, makes idiots of them, but meeting subtler spirits, betrays their course, and urges sensibility to madness! [Exit.] [Enter LYDIA and MAID.] MAID My mistress, ma'am, I know, was here just now - perhaps she is only in the next room. [Exit.] LYDIA Heigh-ho! Though he has used me so, this fellow runs strangely in my head. I believe one lecture from my grave cousin will make me recall him. [Re-enter JULIA.] O Julia, I am come to you with such an appetite for consolation. - Lud! child, what's the matter with you? You have been crying! - I'll be hanged if that Faulkland has not been tormenting you. JULIA You mistake the cause of my uneasiness! - Something has flurried me a little. Nothing that you can guess at. - [Aside.] I would not accuse Faulkland to a sister! LYDIA Ah! whatever vexations you may have, I can assure you mine surpass them. You know who Beverley proves to be? JULIA I will now own to you, Lydia, that Mr. Faulkland had before informed me of the whole affair. Had young Absolute been the person you took him for, I should not have accepted your confidence on the subject, without a serious endeavour to counteract your caprice. LYDIA So, then, I see I have been deceived by every one! But I don't care - I'll never have him. JULIA Nay, Lydia - - LYDIA Why, is it not provoking? when I thought we were coming to the prettiest distress imaginable, to find myself made a mere Smithfield bargain of at last! There, had I projected one of the most sentimental elopements! - so becoming a disguise! - so amiable a ladder of ropes! - Conscious moon - four horses - Scotch parson - with such surprise to Mrs. Malaprop - and such paragraphs in the newspapers! - Oh, I shall die with disappointment! JULIA I don't wonder at it! LYDIA Now - sad reverse! - what have I to expect, but, after a deal of flimsy preparation with a bishop's license, and my aunt's blessing, to go simpering up to the altar; or perhaps be cried three times in a country church, and have an unmannerly fat clerk ask the consent of every butcher in the parish to join John Absolute and Lydia Languish, spinster! Oh that I should live to hear myself called spinster! JULIA Melancholy indeed! LYDIA How mortifying, to remember the dear delicious shifts I used to be put to, to gain half a minute's conversation with this fellow! How often have I stole forth, in the coldest night in January, and found him in the garden, stuck like a dripping statue! There would he kneel to me in the snow, and sneeze and cough so pathetically! he shivering with cold and I with apprehension! and while the freezing blast numbed our joints, how warmly would he press me to pity his flame, and glow with mutual ardour! - Ah, Julia, that was something like being in love. JULIA If I were in spirits, Lydia, I should chide you only by laughing heartily at you; but it suits more the situation of my mind, at present, earnestly to entreat you not to let a man, who loves you with sincerity, suffer that unhappiness from your caprice, which I know too well caprice can inflict. LYDIA O Lud! what has brought my aunt here? [Enter Mrs. MALAPROP, FAG, and DAVID.] Mrs. MALAPROP So! so! here's fine work! - here's fine suicide, parricide, and simulation, going on in the fields! and Sir Anthony not to be found to prevent the antistrophe! JULIA For Heaven's sake, madam, what's the meaning of this? Mrs. MALAPROP That gentleman can tell you - 'twas he enveloped the affair to me. LYDIA [To FAG.] Do, sir, will you, inform us? FAG Ma'am, I should hold myself very deficient in every requisite that forms the man of breeding, if I delayed a moment to give all the information in my power to a lady so deeply interested in the affair as you are. LYDIA But quick! quick sir! FAG True, ma'am, as you say, one should be quick in divulging matters of this nature; for should we be tedious, perhaps while we are flourishing on the subject, two or three lives may be lost! LYDIA O patience! - Do, ma'am, for Heaven's sake! tell us what is the matter? Mrs. MALAPROP Why, murder's the matter! slaughter's the matter! killing's the matter! - but he can tell you the perpendiculars. LYDIA Then, prithee, sir, be brief. FAG Why, then, ma'am, as to murder - I cannot take upon me to say - and as to slaughter, or manslaughter, that will be as the jury finds it. LYDIA But who, sir - who are engaged in this? FAG Faith, ma'am, one is a young gentleman whom I should be very sorry any thing was to happen to - a very pretty behaved gentleman! We have lived much together, and always on terms. LYDIA But who is this? who! who! who? FAG My master, ma'am - my master - I speak of my master. LYDIA Heavens! What, Captain Absolute! Mrs. MALAPROP Oh, to be sure, you are frightened now! JULIA But who are with him, sir? FAG As to the rest, ma'am, this gentleman can inform you better than I. JULIA [To DAVID.] Do speak, friend. DAVID Look'ee, my lady - by the mass! there's mischief going on. Folks don't use to meet for amusement with firearms, firelocks, fire-engines, fire-screens, fire-office, and the devil knows what other crackers beside! - This, my lady, I say, has an angry savour. JULIA But who is there beside Captain Absolute, friend? DAVID My poor master - under favour for mentioning him first. You know me, my lady - I am David - and my master of course is, or was, Squire Acres. Then comes Squire Faulkland. JULIA Do, ma'am, let us instantly endeavour to prevent mischief. Mrs. MALAPROP O fy! it would be very inelegant in us: - we should only participate things. DAVID Ah! do, Mrs. Aunt, save a few lives - they are desperately given, believe me. - Above all, there is that bloodthirsty Philistine, Sir Lucius O'Trigger. Mrs. MALAPROP Sir Lucius O'Trigger? O mercy! have they drawn poor little dear Sir Lucius into the scrape? - Why how you stand, girl! you have no more feeling than one of the Derbyshire petrifactions! LYDIA What are we to do, madam? Mrs. MALAPROP Why, fly with the utmost felicity, to be sure, to prevent mischief! - Here, friend, you can show us the place? FAG If you please, ma'am, I will conduct you. - David, do you look for Sir Anthony. [Exit DAVID.] Mrs. MALAPROP Come, girls! this gentleman will exhort us. - Come, sir, you're our envoy - lead the way, and we'll precede. FAG Not a step before the ladies for the world! Mrs. MALAPROP You're sure you know the spot? FAG I think I can find it, ma'am; and one good thing is, we shall hear the report of the pistols as we draw near, so we can't well miss them; - never fear, ma'am, never fear. [Exeunt, he talking.] * * * * * * * Scene II - The South Parade. [Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE, putting his sword under his great coat.] ABSOLUTE A sword seen in the streets of Bath would raise as great an alarm as a mad dog. - How provoking this is in Faulkland! - never punctual! I shall be obliged to go without him at last. - Oh, the devil! here's Sir Anthony! how shall I escape him? [Muffles up his face, and takes a circle to go off.] [Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Sir ANTHONY How one may be deceived at a little distance! Only that I see he don't know me, I could have sworn that was Jack! - Hey! Gad's life! it is. - Why, Jack, what are you afraid of? hey! - sure I'm right. Why Jack, Jack Absolute! [Goes up to him.] ABSOLUTE Really, sir, you have the advantage of me: - I don't remember ever to have had the honour - my name is Saunderson, at your service. Sir ANTHONY Sir, I beg your pardon - I took you - hey? - why, zounds! it is - Stay - [Looks up to his face.] So, so - your humble servant, Mr. Saunderson! Why, you scoundrel, what tricks are you after now? ABSOLUTE Oh, a joke, sir, a joke! I came here on purpose to look for you, sir. Sir ANTHONY You did! well, I am glad you were so lucky: - but what are you muffled up so for? - what's this for? - hey! ABSOLUTE 'Tis cool, sir, isn't it? - rather chilly somehow: - but I shall be late - I have a particular engagement. Sir ANTHONY Stay! - Why, I thought you were looking for me? - Pray, Jack, where is't you are going? ABSOLUTE Going, sir? Sir ANTHONY Ay, where are you going? ABSOLUTE Where am I going? Sir ANTHONY You unmannerly puppy! ABSOLUTE I was going, sir, to - to - to - to Lydia - sir, to Lydia - to make matters up if I could; - and I was looking for you, sir, to - to - - Sir ANTHONY To go with you, I suppose. - Well, come along. ABSOLUTE Oh! zounds! no, sir, not for the world! - I wished to meet with you, sir, - to - to - to - You find it cool, I'm sure, sir - you'd better not stay out. Sir ANTHONY Cool! - not at all. - Well, Jack - and what will you say to Lydia? ABSOLUTE Oh, sir, beg her pardon, humour her - promise and vow: but I detain you, sir - consider the cold air on your gout. Sir ANTHONY Oh, not at all! - Not at all! I'm in no hurry. - Ah! Jack, you youngsters, when once you are wounded here [Putting his hand to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's breast.] Hey! what the deuce have you got here? ABSOLUTE Nothing, sir - nothing. Sir ANTHONY What's this? - here's something damned hard. ABSOLUTE Oh, trinkets, sir! trinkets! - a bauble for Lydia! Sir ANTHONY Nay, let me see your taste. - [Pulls his coat open, the sword falls.] Trinkets! - a bauble for Lydia! - Zounds! sirrah, you are not going to cut her throat, are you? ABSOLUTE Ha! ha! ha! - I thought it would divert you, sir, though I didn't mean to tell you till afterwards. Sir ANTHONY You didn't? - Yes, this is a very diverting trinket, truly! ABSOLUTE Sir, I'll explain to you. - You know, sir, Lydia is romantic, devilish romantic, and very absurd of course: now, sir, I intend, if she refuses to forgive me, to unsheath this sword, and swear - I'll fall upon its point, and expire at her feet! Sir ANTHONY Fall upon a fiddlestick's end! - why, I suppose it is the very thing that would please her. - Get along, you fool! ABSOLUTE Well, sir, you shall hear of my success - you shall hear. - O Lydia! - forgive me, or this pointed steel - says I. Sir ANTHONY O, booby! stay away and welcome - says she. - Get along! and damn your trinkets! [Exit CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] [Enter DAVID, running.] DAVID Stop him! stop him! Murder! Thief! Fire! - Stop fire! Stop fire! - O Sir Anthony - call! call! bid 'm stop! Murder! Fire! Sir ANTHONY Fire! Murder! - Where? DAVID Oons! he's out of sight! and I'm out of breath! for my part! O Sir Anthony, why didn't you stop him? why didn't you stop him? Sir ANTHONY Zounds! the fellow's mad! - Stop whom? stop Jack? DAVID Ay, the captain, sir! - there's murder and slaughter - - Sir ANTHONY Murder! DAVID Ay, please you, Sir Anthony, there's all kinds of murder, all sorts of slaughter to be seen in the fields: there's fighting going on, sir - bloody sword-and-gun fighting! Sir ANTHONY Who are going to fight, dunce? DAVID Every body that I know of, Sir Anthony: - everybody is going to fight, my poor master, Sir Lucius O'Trigger, your son, the captain - - Sir ANTHONY Oh, the dog! I see his tricks. - Do you know the place? DAVID King's-Mead-Fields. Sir ANTHONY You know the way? DAVID Not an inch; but I'll call the mayor - aldermen - constables - churchwardens - and beadles - we can't be too many to part them. Sir ANTHONY Come along - give me your shoulder! we'll get assistance as we go - the lying villain! - Well, I shall be in such a frenzy! - So - this was the history of his trinkets! I'll bauble him! [Exeunt.] * * * * * * * Scene III - King's-Mead-Fields. [Enter Sir LUCIUS O'TRIGGER and ACRES, with pistols.] ACRES By my valour! then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims! - I say it is a good distance. Sir LUCIUS Is it for muskets or small field-pieces? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me. - Stay now - I'll show you. - [Measures paces along the stage.] There now, that is a very pretty distance - a pretty gentleman's distance. ACRES Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the farther he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim. Sir LUCIUS Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight! ACRES No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eight-and-thirty yards - - Sir LUCIUS Pho! pho! nonsense! three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile. ACRES Odds bullets, no! - by my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near; do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot: - a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me! Sir LUCIUS Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. - But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you? ACRES I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius - but I don't understand - - Sir LUCIUS Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk - and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it - I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters. ACRES A quietus! Sir LUCIUS For instance, now - if that should be the case - would you choose to be pickled and sent home? - or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey? I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey. ACRES Pickled! - Snug lying in the Abbey! - Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so! Sir LUCIUS I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before? ACRES No, Sir Lucius, never before. Sir LUCIUS Ah! that's a pity! - there's nothing like being used to a thing. - Pray now, how would you receive the gentleman's shot? ACRES Odds files! - I've practised that - there, Sir Lucius - there. [Puts himself in an attitude.] A side-front, hey? Odd! I'll make myself small enough: I'll stand edgeways. Sir LUCIUS Now - you're quite out - for if you stand so when I take my aim - - [Levelling at him.] ACRES Zounds! Sir Lucius - are you sure it is not cocked? Sir LUCIUS Never fear. ACRES But - but - you don't know - it may go off of its own head! Sir LUCIUS Pho! be easy. - Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance - for if it misses a vital part of your right side, 'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left! ACRES A vital part! Sir LUCIUS But, there - fix yourself so - [Placing him] - let him see the broad-side of your full front - there - now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all. ACRES Clean through me! - a ball or two clean through me! Sir LUCIUS Ay - may they - and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain. ACRES Look'ee! Sir Lucius - I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valour! I will stand edgeways. Sir LUCIUS [Looking at his watch.] Sure they don't mean to disappoint us - Hah! - no, faith - I think I see them coming. ACRES Hey! - what! - coming! - - Sir LUCIUS Ay. - Who are those yonder getting over the stile? ACRES There are two of them indeed! - well - let them come - hey, Sir Lucius! - we - we - we - we - won't run. Sir LUCIUS Run! ACRES No - I say - we won't run, by my valour! Sir LUCIUS What the devil's the matter with you? ACRES Nothing - nothing - my dear friend - my dear Sir Lucius - but I - I - I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did. Sir LUCIUS O fy! - consider your honour. ACRES Ay - true - my honour. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honour. Sir LUCIUS [Looking.] Well, here they're coming. ACRES Sir Lucius - if I wa'n't with you, I should almost think I was afraid. - If my valour should leave me! - Valour will come and go. Sir LUCIUS Then pray keep it fast, while you have it. ACRES Sir Lucius - I doubt it is going - yes - my valour is certainly going! - it is sneaking off! - I feel it oozing out as it were at the palms of my hands! Sir LUCIUS Your honour - your honour. - Here they are. ACRES O mercy! - now - that I was safe at Clod-Hall! or could be shot before I was aware! [Enter FAULKLAND and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Sir LUCIUS Gentlemen, your most obedient. - Hah! - what, Captain Absolute! - So, I suppose, sir, you are come here, just like myself - to do a kind office, first for your friend - then to proceed to business on your own account. ACRES What, Jack! - my dear Jack! - my dear friend! ABSOLUTE Hark'ee, Bob, Beverley's at hand. Sir LUCIUS Well, Mr. Acres - I don't blame your saluting the gentleman civilly. - [To FAULKLAND.] So, Mr. Beverley, if you'll choose your weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground. FAULKLAND My weapons, sir! ACRES Odds life! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland; these are my particular friends. Sir LUCIUS What, sir, did you not come here to fight Mr. Acres? FAULKLAND Not I, upon my word, sir. Sir LUCIUS Well, now, that's mighty provoking! But I hope, Mr. Faulkland, as there are three of us come on purpose for the game, you won't be so cantanckerous as to spoil the party by sitting out. ABSOLUTE O pray, Faulkland, fight to oblige Sir Lucius. FAULKLAND Nay, if Mr. Acres is so bent on the matter - - ACRES No, no, Mr. Faulkland; - I'll bear my disappointment like a Christian. - Look'ee, Sir Lucius, there's no occasion at all for me to fight; and if it is the same to you, I'd as lieve let it alone. Sir LUCIUS Observe me, Mr. Acres - I must not be trifled with. You have certainly challenged somebody - and you came here to fight him. Now, if that gentleman is willing to represent him - I can't see, for my soul, why it isn't just the same thing. ACRES Why no - Sir Lucius - I tell you, 'tis one Beverley I've challenged - a fellow, you see, that dare not show his face! - if he were here, I'd make him give up his pretensions directly! ABSOLUTE Hold, Bob - let me set you right - there is no such man as Beverley in the case. - The person who assumed that name is before you; and as his pretensions are the same in both characters, he is ready to support them in whatever way you please. Sir LUCIUS Well, this is lucky. - Now you have an opportunity - - ACRES What, quarrel with my dear friend Jack Absolute? - not if he were fifty Beverleys! Zounds! Sir Lucius, you would not have me so unnatural. Sir LUCIUS Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, your valour has oozed away with a vengeance! ACRES Not in the least! Odds backs and abettors! I'll be your second with all my heart - and if you should get a quietus, you may command me entirely. I'll get you snug lying in the Abbey here; or pickle you, and send you over to Blunderbuss-hall, or anything of the kind, with the greatest pleasure. Sir LUCIUS Pho! pho! you are little better than a coward. ACRES Mind, gentlemen, he calls me a coward; coward was the word, by my valour! Sir LUCIUS Well, sir? ACRES Look'ee, Sir Lucius, 'tisn't that I mind the word coward - coward may be said in joke - But if you had called me a poltroon, odds daggers and balls - - Sir LUCIUS Well, sir? ACRES I should have thought you a very ill-bred man. Sir LUCIUS Pho! you are beneath my notice. ABSOLUTE Nay, Sir Lucius, you can't have a better second than my friend Acres - He is a most determined dog - called in the country, Fighting Bob. - He generally kills a man a week - don't you Bob? ACRES Ay - at home! Sir LUCIUS Well, then, captain, 'tis we must begin - so come out, my little counsellor - [Draws his sword] - and ask the gentleman, whether he will resign the lady, without forcing you to proceed against him? ABSOLUTE Come on then, sir - [Draws]; since you won't let it be an amicable suit, here's my reply. [Enter Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE, DAVID, Mrs. MALAPROP, LYDIA, and JULIA.] DAVID Knock 'em all down, sweet Sir Anthony; knock down my master in particular; and bind his hands over to their good behaviour! Sir ANTHONY Put up, Jack, put up, or I shall be in a frenzy - how came you in a duel, sir? ABSOLUTE Faith, sir, that gentleman can tell you better than I; 'twas he called on me, and you know, sir, I serve his majesty. Sir ANTHONY Here's a pretty fellow; I catch him going to cut a man's throat, and he tells me, he serves his majesty! - Zounds! sirrah, then how durst you draw the king's sword against one of his subjects? ABSOLUTE Sir! I tell you, that gentleman called me out, without explaining his reasons. Sir ANTHONY Gad! sir, how came you to call my son out, without explaining your reasons! Sir LUCIUS Your son, sir, insulted me in a manner which my honour could not brook. Sir ANTHONY Zounds! Jack, how durst you insult the gentleman in a manner which his honour could not brook? Mrs. MALAPROP Come, come, let's have no honour before ladies - Captain Absolute, come here - How could you intimidate us so? - Here's Lydia has been terrified to death for you. ABSOLUTE For fear I should be killed, or escape, ma'am? Mrs. MALAPROP Nay, no delusions to the past - Lydia is convinced; speak, child. Sir LUCIUS With your leave, ma'am, I must put in a word here: I believe I could interpret the young lady's silence. Now mark - - LYDIA What is it you mean, sir? Sir LUCIUS Come, come, Delia, we must be serious now - this is no time for trifling. LYDIA 'Tis true, sir; and your reproof bids me offer this gentleman my hand, and solicit the return of his affections. ABSOLUTE O! my little angel, say you so? - Sir Lucius - I perceive there must be some mistake here, with regard to the affront which you affirm I have given you. I can only say, that it could not have been intentional. And as you must be convinced, that I should not fear to support a real injury - you shall now see that I am not ashamed to atone for an inadvertency - I ask your pardon. - But for this lady, while honoured with her approbation, I will support my claim against any man whatever. Sir ANTHONY Well said, Jack, and I'll stand by you, my boy. ACRES Mind, I give up all my claim - I make no pretensions to any thing in the world; and if I can't get a wife without fighting for her, by my valour! I'll live a bachelor. Sir LUCIUS Captain, give me your hand: an affront handsomely acknowledged becomes an obligation; and as for the lady, if she chooses to deny her own hand-writing, here - - [Takes out letters.] Mrs. MALAPROP O, he will dissolve my mystery! - Sir Lucius, perhaps there's some mistake - perhaps I can illuminate - - Sir LUCIUS Pray, old gentlewoman, don't interfere where you have no business. - Miss Languish, are you my Delia, or not? LYDIA Indeed, Sir Lucius, I am not. [Walks aside with CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Mrs. MALAPROP Sir Lucius O'Trigger - ungrateful as you are - I own the soft impeachment - pardon my blushes, I am Delia. Sir LUCIUS You Delia - pho! pho! be easy. Mrs. MALAPROP Why, thou barbarous Vandyke - those letters are mine - When you are more sensible of my benignity - perhaps I may be brought to encourage your addresses. Sir LUCIUS Mrs. Malaprop, I am extremely sensible of your condescension; and whether you or Lucy have put this trick on me, I am equally beholden to you. - And, to show you I am not ungrateful, Captain Absolute, since you have taken that lady from me, I'll give you my Delia into the bargain. ABSOLUTE I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius; but here's my friend, Fighting Bob, unprovided for. Sir LUCIUS Hah! little Valour - here, will you make your fortune? ACRES Odds wrinkles! No. - But give me your hand, Sir Lucius, forget and forgive; but if ever I give you a chance of pickling me again, say Bob Acres is a dunce, that's all. Sir ANTHONY Come, Mrs. Malaprop, don't be cast down - you are in your bloom yet. Mrs. MALAPROP O Sir Anthony - men are all barbarians. [All retire but JULIA and FAULKLAND.] JULIA [Aside.] He seems dejected and unhappy - not sullen; there was some foundation, however, for the tale he told me - O woman! how true should be your judgment, when your resolution is so weak! FAULKLAND Julia! - how can I sue for what I so little deserve? I dare not presume - yet Hope is the child of Penitence. JULIA Oh! Faulkland, you have not been more faulty in your unkind treatment of me, than I am now in wanting inclination to resent it. As my heart honestly bids me place my weakness to the account of love, I should be ungenerous not to admit the same plea for yours. FAULKLAND Now I shall be blest indeed! Sir ANTHONY [Coming forward.] What's going on here? - So you have been quarrelling too, I warrant! Come, Julia, I never interfered before; but let me have a hand in the matter at last. - All the faults I have ever seen in my friend Faulkland seemed to proceed from what he calls the delicacy and warmth of his affection for you - There, marry him directly, Julia; you'll find he'll mend surprisingly! [The rest come forward.] Sir LUCIUS Come, now, I hope there is no dissatisfied person, but what is content; for as I have been disappointed myself, it will be very hard if I have not the satisfaction of seeing other people succeed better. ACRES You are right, Sir Lucius. - So Jack, I wish you joy - Mr. Faulkland the same. - Ladies, - come now, to show you I'm neither vexed nor angry, odds tabors and pipes! I'll order the fiddles in half an hour to the New Rooms - and I insist on your all meeting me there. Sir ANTHONY 'Gad! sir, I like your spirit; and at night we single lads will drink a health to the young couples, and a husband to Mrs. Malaprop. FAULKLAND Our partners are stolen from us, Jack - I hope to be congratulated by each other - yours for having checked in time the errors of an ill-directed imagination, which might have betrayed an innocent heart; and mine, for having, by her gentleness and candour, reformed the unhappy temper of one, who by it made wretched whom he loved most, and tortured the heart he ought to have adored. ABSOLUTE Well, Jack, we have both tasted the bitters, as well as the sweets of love; with this difference only, that you always prepared the bitter cup for yourself, while I - - LYDIA Was always obliged to me for it, hey! Mr. Modesty? - But come, no more of that - our happiness is now as unalloyed as general. JULIA Then let us study to preserve it so: and while Hope pictures to us a flattering scene of future bliss, let us deny its pencil those colours which are too bright to be lasting. - When hearts deserving happiness would unite their fortunes, Virtue would crown them with an unfading garland of modest hurtless flowers; but ill-judging Passion will force the gaudier rose into the wreath, whose thorn offends them when its leaves are dropped! [Exeunt omnes.] * * * * * * * * * * EPILOGUE By the Author Spoken by MRS. BULKLEY Ladies, for you - I heard our poet say - He'd try to coax some moral from his play: "One moral's plain," cried I, "without more fuss; Man's social happiness all rests on us: Through all the drama - whether damn'd or not - Love gilds the scene, and women guide the plot. From every rank obedience is our due - D'ye doubt? - The world's great stage shall prove it true." The cit, well skill'd to shun domestic strife, Will sup abroad; but first he'll ask his wife: John Trot, his friend, for once will do the same, But then - he'll just step home to tell his dame. The surly squire at noon resolves to rule, And half the day - Zounds! madam is a fool! Convinced at night, the vanquish'd victor says, Ah, Kate! you women have such coaxing ways. The jolly toper chides each tardy blade, Till reeling Bacchus calls on Love for aid: Then with each toast he sees fair bumpers swim, And kisses Chloe on the sparkling brim! Nay, I have heard that statesmen - great and wise - Will sometimes counsel with a lady's eyes! The servile suitors watch her various face, She smiles preferment, or she frowns disgrace, Curtsies a pension here - there nods a place. Nor with less awe, in scenes of humbler life, Is view'd the mistress, or is heard the wife. The poorest peasant of the poorest soil, The child of poverty, and heir to toil, Early from radiant Love's impartial light Steals one small spark to cheer this world of night: Dear spark! that oft through winter's chilling woes Is all the warmth his little cottage knows! The wandering tar, who not for years has press'd, The widow'd partner of his day of rest, On the cold deck, far from her arms removed, Still hums the ditty which his Susan loved; And while around the cadence rude is blown, The boatswain whistles in a softer tone. The soldier, fairly proud of wounds and toil, Pants for the triumph of his Nancy's smile! But ere the battle should he list her cries, The lover trembles - and the hero dies! That heart, by war and honour steel'd to fear, Droops on a sigh, and sickens at a tear! But ye more cautious, ye nice-judging few, Who give to beauty only beauty's due, Though friends to love - ye view with deep regret Our conquests marr'd, our triumphs incomplete, Till polish'd wit more lasting charms disclose, And judgment fix the darts which beauty throws! In female breasts did sense and merit rule, The lover's mind would ask no other school; Shamed into sense, the scholars of our eyes, Our beaux from gallantry would soon be wise; Would gladly light, their homage to improve, The lamp of knowledge at the torch of love! Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-librarian

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William Shakespeare A Midsummer Night's Dream Persons Represented. THESEUS, Duke of Athens. EGEUS, Father to Hermia. LYSANDER, in love with Hermia. DEMETRIUS, in love with Hermia. PHILOSTRATE, Master of the Revels to Theseus. QUINCE, the Carpenter. SNUG, the Joiner. BOTTOM, the Weaver. FLUTE, the Bellows-mender. SNOUT, the Tinker. STARVELING, the Tailor. HIPPOLYTA, Queen of the Amazons, bethrothed to Theseus. HERMIA, daughter to Egeus, in love with Lysander. HELENA, in love with Demetrius. OBERON, King of the Fairies. TITANIA, Queen of the Fairies. PUCK, or ROBIN GOODFELLOW, a Fairy. PEASBLOSSOM, Fairy. COBWEB, Fairy. MOTH, Fairy. MUSTARDSEED, Fairy. PYRAMUS, THISBE, WALL, MOONSHINE, LION } Characters in the Interlude performed by the Clowns. Other Fairies attending their King and Queen. Attendants on Theseus and Hippolyta. SCENE: Athens, and a wood not far from it. ACT I. SCENE I. Athens. A room in the Palace of THESEUS. [Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, and Attendants.] THESEUS Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour Draws on apace; four happy days bring in Another moon; but, oh, methinks, how slow This old moon wanes! she lingers my desires, Like to a step-dame or a dowager, Long withering out a young man's revenue. HIPPOLYTA Four days will quickly steep themselves in nights; Four nights will quickly dream away the time; And then the moon, like to a silver bow New bent in heaven, shall behold the night Of our solemnities. THESEUS Go, Philostrate, Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments; Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth; Turn melancholy forth to funerals - The pale companion is not for our pomp. - [Exit PHILOSTRATE.] Hippolyta, I woo'd thee with my sword, And won thy love doing thee injuries; But I will wed thee in another key, With pomp, with triumph, and with revelling. [Enter EGEUS, HERMIA, LYSANDER, and DEMETRIUS.] EGEUS Happy be Theseus, our renowned duke! THESEUS Thanks, good Egeus: what's the news with thee? EGEUS Full of vexation come I, with complaint Against my child, my daughter Hermia. - Stand forth, Demetrius. - My noble lord, This man hath my consent to marry her: - Stand forth, Lysander; - and, my gracious duke, This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child. Thou, thou, Lysander, thou hast given her rhymes, And interchang'd love-tokens with my child: Thou hast by moonlight at her window sung, With feigning voice, verses of feigning love; And stol'n the impression of her fantasy With bracelets of thy hair, rings, gawds, conceits, Knacks, trifles, nosegays, sweetmeats, - messengers Of strong prevailment in unharden'd youth; - With cunning hast thou filch'd my daughter's heart; Turned her obedience, which is due to me, To stubborn harshness. - And, my gracious duke, Be it so she will not here before your grace Consent to marry with Demetrius, I beg the ancient privilege of Athens, - As she is mine I may dispose of her: Which shall be either to this gentleman Or to her death; according to our law Immediately provided in that case. THESEUS What say you, Hermia? be advis'd, fair maid: To you your father should be as a god; One that compos'd your beauties: yea, and one To whom you are but as a form in wax, By him imprinted, and within his power To leave the figure, or disfigure it. Demetrius is a worthy gentleman. HERMIA So is Lysander. THESEUS In himself he is: But, in this kind, wanting your father's voice, The other must be held the worthier. HERMIA I would my father look'd but with my eyes. THESEUS Rather your eyes must with his judgment look. HERMIA I do entreat your grace to pardon me. I know not by what power I am made bold, Nor how it may concern my modesty In such a presence here to plead my thoughts: But I beseech your grace that I may know The worst that may befall me in this case If I refuse to wed Demetrius. THESEUS Either to die the death, or to abjure For ever the society of men. Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires, Know of your youth, examine well your blood, Whether, if you yield not to your father's choice, You can endure the livery of a nun; For aye to be shady cloister mew'd, To live a barren sister all your life, Chanting faint hymns to the cold, fruitless moon. Thrice-blessed they that master so their blood To undergo such maiden pilgrimage: But earthlier happy is the rose distill'd Than that which, withering on the virgin thorn, Grows, lives, and dies, in single blessedness. HERMIA So will I grow, so live, so die, my lord, Ere I will yield my virgin patent up Unto his lordship, whose unwished yoke My soul consents not to give sovereignty. THESEUS Take time to pause; and by the next new moon, - The sealing-day betwixt my love and me For everlasting bond of fellowship, - Upon that day either prepare to die For disobedience to your father's will; Or else to wed Demetrius, as he would; Or on Diana's altar to protest For aye austerity and single life. DEMETRIUS Relent, sweet Hermia; - and, Lysander, yield Thy crazed title to my certain right. LYSANDER You have her father's love, Demetrius; Let me have Hermia's: do you marry him. EGEUS Scornful Lysander! true, he hath my love; And what is mine my love shall render him; And she is mine; and all my right of her I do estate unto Demetrius. LYSANDER I am, my lord, as well deriv'd as he, As well possess'd; my love is more than his; My fortunes every way as fairly rank'd, If not with vantage, as Demetrius's; And, which is more than all these boasts can be, I am belov'd of beauteous Hermia: Why should not I then prosecute my right? Demetrius, I'll avouch it to his head, Made love to Nedar's daughter, Helena, And won her soul; and she, sweet lady, dotes, Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry, Upon this spotted and inconstant man. THESEUS I must confess that I have heard so much, And with Demetrius thought to have spoke thereof; But, being over-full of self-affairs, My mind did lose it. - But, Demetrius, come; And come, Egeus; you shall go with me; I have some private schooling for you both. - For you, fair Hermia, look you arm yourself To fit your fancies to your father's will, Or else the law of Athens yields you up, - Which by no means we may extenuate, - To death, or to a vow of single life. - Come, my Hippolyta: what cheer, my love? Demetrius, and Egeus, go along; I must employ you in some business Against our nuptial, and confer with you Of something nearly that concerns yourselves. EGEUS With duty and desire we follow you. [Exeunt THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEUS, DEMETRIUS, and Train.] LYSANDER How now, my love! why is your cheek so pale? How chance the roses there do fade so fast? HERMIA Belike for want of rain, which I could well Beteem them from the tempest of my eyes. LYSANDER Ah me! for aught that I could ever read, Could ever hear by tale or history, The course of true love never did run smooth: But either it was different in blood, - HERMIA O cross! Too high to be enthrall'd to low! LYSANDER Or else misgraffed in respect of years; - HERMIA O spite! Too old to be engag'd to young! LYSANDER Or else it stood upon the choice of friends: HERMIA O hell! to choose love by another's eye! LYSANDER Or, if there were a sympathy in choice, War, death, or sickness, did lay siege to it, Making it momentary as a sound, Swift as a shadow, short as any dream; Brief as the lightning in the collied night That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth, And ere a man hath power to say, Behold! The jaws of darkness do devour it up: So quick bright things come to confusion. HERMIA If then true lovers have ever cross'd, It stands as an edict in destiny: Then let us teach our trial patience, Because it is a customary cross; As due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, Wishes and tears, poor fancy's followers. LYSANDER A good persuasion; therefore, hear me, Hermia. I have a widow aunt, a dowager Of great revenue, and she hath no child: From Athens is her house remote seven leagues; And she respects me as her only son. There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee; And to that place the sharp Athenian law Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest me then, Steal forth thy father's house tomorrow night; And in the wood, a league without the town, Where I did meet thee once with Helena, To do observance to a morn of May, There will I stay for thee. HERMIA My good Lysander! I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow, By his best arrow, with the golden head, By the simplicity of Venus' doves, By that which knitteth souls and prospers loves, And by that fire which burn'd the Carthage queen, When the false Trojan under sail was seen, - By all the vows that ever men have broke, In number more than ever women spoke, - In that same place thou hast appointed me, Tomorrow truly will I meet with thee. LYSANDER Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Helena. [Enter HELENA.] HERMIA God speed fair Helena! Whither away? HELENA Call you me fair? that fair again unsay. Demetrius loves your fair. O happy fair! Your eyes are lode-stars; and your tongue's sweet air More tuneable than lark to shepherd's ear, When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear. Sickness is catching: O, were favour so, Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go; My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye, My tongue should catch your tongue's sweet melody. Were the world mine, Demetrius being bated, The rest I'd give to be to you translated. O, teach me how you look; and with what art You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart! HERMIA I frown upon him, yet he loves me still. HELENA O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill! HERMIA I give him curses, yet he gives me love. HELENA O that my prayers could such affection move! HERMIA The more I hate, the more he follows me. HELENA The more I love, the more he hateth me. HERMIA His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine. HELENA None, but your beauty: would that fault were mine! HERMIA Take comfort; he no more shall see my face; Lysander and myself will fly this place. - Before the time I did Lysander see, Seem'd Athens as a paradise to me: O, then, what graces in my love do dwell, That he hath turn'd a heaven unto hell! LYSANDER Helen, to you our minds we will unfold: To-morrow night, when Phoebe doth behold Her silver visage in the watery glass, Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass, - A time that lovers' flights doth still conceal, - Through Athens' gates have we devis'd to steal. HERMIA And in the wood where often you and I Upon faint primrose beds were wont to lie, Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet, There my Lysander and myself shall meet: And thence from Athens turn away our eyes, To seek new friends and stranger companies. Farewell, sweet playfellow: pray thou for us, And good luck grant thee thy Demetrius! - Keep word, Lysander: we must starve our sight From lovers' food, till morrow deep midnight. LYSANDER I will, my Hermia. [Exit HERMIA.] LYSANDER Helena, adieu: As you on him, Demetrius dote on you! [Exit LYSANDER.] HELENA How happy some o'er other some can be! Through Athens I am thought as fair as she. But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so; He will not know what all but he do know. And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes, So I, admiring of his qualities. Things base and vile, holding no quantity, Love can transpose to form and dignity. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind. Nor hath love's mind of any judgment taste; Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste: And therefore is love said to be a child, Because in choice he is so oft beguil'd. As waggish boys in game themselves forswear, So the boy Love is perjur'd everywhere: For ere Demetrius look'd on Hermia's eyne, He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine; And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt, So he dissolv'd, and showers of oaths did melt. I will go tell him of fair Hermia's flight; Then to the wood will he to-morrow night Pursue her; and for this intelligence If I have thanks, it is a dear expense: But herein mean I to enrich my pain, To have his sight thither and back again. [Exit HELENA.] SCENE II. The Same. A Room in a Cottage. [Enter SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, QUINCE, and STARVELING.] QUINCE Is all our company here? BOTTOM You were best to call them generally, man by man, according to the scrip. QUINCE Here is the scroll of every man's name, which is thought fit, through all Athens, to play in our interlude before the duke and duchess on his wedding-day at night. BOTTOM First, good Peter Quince, say what the play treats on; then read the names of the actors; and so grow to a point. QUINCE Marry, our play is - The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisby. BOTTOM A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry. - Now, good Peter Quince, call forth your actors by the scroll. - Masters, spread yourselves. QUINCE Answer, as I call you. - Nick Bottom, the weaver. BOTTOM Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed. QUINCE You, Nick Bottom, are set down for Pyramus. BOTTOM What is Pyramus? a lover, or a tyrant? QUINCE A lover, that kills himself most gallantly for love. BOTTOM That will ask some tears in the true performing of it. If I do it, let the audience look to their eyes; I will move storms; I will condole in some measure. To the rest: - yet my chief humour is for a tyrant: I could play Ercles rarely, or a part to tear a cat in, to make all split. The raging rocks And shivering shocks Shall break the locks Of prison gates: And Phibbus' car Shall shine from far, And make and mar The foolish Fates. This was lofty. - Now name the rest of the players. - This is Ercles' vein, a tyrant's vein; - a lover is more condoling. QUINCE Francis Flute, the bellows-mender. FLUTE Here, Peter Quince. QUINCE Flute, you must take Thisby on you. FLUTE What is Thisby? a wandering knight? QUINCE It is the lady that Pyramus must love. FLUTE Nay, faith, let not me play a woman; I have a beard coming. QUINCE That's all one; you shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will. BOTTOM An I may hide my face, let me play Thisby too: I'll speak in a monstrous little voice; - 'Thisne, Thisne!' - 'Ah, Pyramus, my lover dear; thy Thisby dear! and lady dear!' QUINCE No, no, you must play Pyramus; and, Flute, you Thisby. BOTTOM Well, proceed. QUINCE Robin Starveling, the tailor. STARVELING Here, Peter Quince. QUINCE Robin Starveling, you must play Thisby's mother. - Tom Snout, the tinker. SNOUT Here, Peter Quince. QUINCE You, Pyramus' father; myself, Thisby's father; - Snug, the joiner, you, the lion's part: - and, I hope, here is a play fitted. SNUG Have you the lion's part written? pray you, if it be, give it me, for I am slow of study. QUINCE You may do it extempore, for it is nothing but roaring. BOTTOM Let me play the lion too: I will roar that I will do any man's heart good to hear me; I will roar that I will make the duke say 'Let him roar again, let him roar again.' QUINCE An you should do it too terribly, you would fright the duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us all. ALL That would hang us every mother's son. BOTTOM I grant you, friends, if you should fright the ladies out of their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us: but I will aggravate my voice so, that I will roar you as gently as any sucking dove; I will roar you an 'twere any nightingale. QUINCE You can play no part but Pyramus; for Pyramus is a sweet-faced man; a proper man, as one shall see in a summer's day; a most lovely gentleman-like man; therefore you must needs play Pyramus. BOTTOM Well, I will undertake it. What beard were I best to play it in? QUINCE Why, what you will. BOTTOM I will discharge it in either your straw-colour beard, your orange-tawny beard, your purple-in-grain beard, or your French-crown-colour beard, your perfect yellow. QUINCE Some of your French crowns have no hair at all, and then you will play bare-faced. - But, masters, here are your parts: and I am to entreat you, request you, and desire you, to con them by to-morrow night; and meet me in the palace wood, a mile without the town, by moonlight; there will we rehearse: for if we meet in the city, we shall be dogg'd with company, and our devices known. In the meantime I will draw a bill of properties, such as our play wants. I pray you, fail me not. BOTTOM We will meet; and there we may rehearse most obscenely and courageously. Take pains; be perfect; adieu. QUINCE At the duke's oak we meet. BOTTOM Enough; hold, or cut bow-strings. [Exeunt.] ACT II. SCENE I. A wood near Athens. [Enter a FAIRY at One door, and PUCK at another.] PUCK How now, spirit! whither wander you? FAIRY Over hill, over dale, Thorough bush, thorough brier, Over park, over pale, Thorough flood, thorough fire, I do wander everywhere, Swifter than the moon's sphere; And I serve the fairy queen, To dew her orbs upon the green. The cowslips tall her pensioners be: In their gold coats spots you see; Those be rubies, fairy favours, In those freckles live their savours; I must go seek some dew-drops here, And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear. Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I'll be gone: Our queen and all her elves come here anon. PUCK The king doth keep his revels here to-night; Take heed the Queen come not within his sight. For Oberon is passing fell and wrath, Because that she, as her attendant, hath A lovely boy, stol'n from an Indian king; She never had so sweet a changeling: And jealous Oberon would have the child Knight of his train, to trace the forests wild: But she perforce withholds the loved boy, Crowns him with flowers, and makes him all her joy: And now they never meet in grove or green, By fountain clear, or spangled starlight sheen, But they do square; that all their elves for fear Creep into acorn cups, and hide them there. FAIRY Either I mistake your shape and making quite, Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are not you he That frights the maidens of the villagery; Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern, And bootless make the breathless housewife churn; And sometime make the drink to bear no barm; Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm? Those that Hobgoblin call you, and sweet Puck, You do their work, and they shall have good luck: Are not you he? PUCK Thou speak'st aright; I am that merry wanderer of the night. I jest to Oberon, and make him smile, When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile, Neighing in likeness of a filly foal; And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl, In very likeness of a roasted crab; And, when she drinks, against her lips I bob, And on her withered dewlap pour the ale. The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale, Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me; Then slip I from her bum, down topples she, And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough; And then the whole quire hold their hips and loffe, And waxen in their mirth, and neeze, and swear A merrier hour was never wasted there. - But room, fairy, here comes Oberon. FAIRY And here my mistress. - Would that he were gone! [Enter OBERON at one door, with his Train, and TITANIA, at another, with hers.] OBERON Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania. TITANIA What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence; I have forsworn his bed and company. OBERON Tarry, rash wanton: am not I thy lord? TITANIA Then I must be thy lady; but I know When thou hast stol'n away from fairy-land, And in the shape of Corin sat all day, Playing on pipes of corn, and versing love To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here, Come from the farthest steep of India, But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon, Your buskin'd mistress and your warrior love, To Theseus must be wedded; and you come To give their bed joy and prosperity. OBERON How canst thou thus, for shame, Titania, Glance at my credit with Hippolyta, Knowing I know thy love to Theseus? Didst not thou lead him through the glimmering night From Perigenia, whom he ravish'd? And make him with fair Aegle break his faith, With Ariadne and Antiopa? TITANIA These are the forgeries of jealousy: And never, since the middle summer's spring, Met we on hill, in dale, forest, or mead, By paved fountain, or by rushy brook, Or on the beached margent of the sea, To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind, But with thy brawls thou hast disturb'd our sport. Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain, As in revenge, have suck'd up from the sea Contagious fogs; which, falling in the land, Hath every pelting river made so proud That they have overborne their continents: The ox hath therefore stretch'd his yoke in vain, The ploughman lost his sweat; and the green corn Hath rotted ere his youth attain'd a beard: The fold stands empty in the drowned field, And crows are fatted with the murrion flock; The nine men's morris is fill'd up with mud; And the quaint mazes in the wanton green, For lack of tread, are undistinguishable: The human mortals want their winter here; No night is now with hymn or carol blest: - Therefore the moon, the governess of floods, Pale in her anger, washes all the air, That rheumatic diseases do abound: And thorough this distemperature we see The seasons alter: hoary-headed frosts Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose; And on old Hyem's thin and icy crown An odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds Is, as in mockery, set: the spring, the summer, The childing autumn, angry winter, change Their wonted liveries; and the maz'd world, By their increase, now knows not which is which: And this same progeny of evils comes From our debate, from our dissension: We are their parents and original. OBERON Do you amend it, then: it lies in you: Why should Titania cross her Oberon? I do but beg a little changeling boy To be my henchman. TITANIA Set your heart at rest; The fairy-land buys not the child of me. His mother was a vot'ress of my order: And, in the spiced Indian air, by night, Full often hath she gossip'd by my side; And sat with me on Neptune's yellow sands, Marking the embarked traders on the flood; When we have laugh'd to see the sails conceive, And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind; Which she, with pretty and with swimming gait Following, - her womb then rich with my young squire, - Would imitate; and sail upon the land, To fetch me trifles, and return again, As from a voyage, rich with merchandise. But she, being mortal, of that boy did die; And for her sake do I rear up her boy: And for her sake I will not part with him. OBERON How long within this wood intend you stay? TITANIA Perchance till after Theseus' wedding-day. If you will patiently dance in our round, And see our moonlight revels, go with us; If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts. OBERON Give me that boy and I will go with thee. TITANIA Not for thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away: We shall chide downright if I longer stay. [Exit TITANIA with her Train.] OBERON Well, go thy way: thou shalt not from this grove Till I torment thee for this injury. - My gentle Puck, come hither: thou remember'st Since once I sat upon a promontory, And heard a mermaid, on a dolphin's back, Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath, That the rude sea grew civil at her song, And certain stars shot madly from their spheres To hear the sea-maid's music. PUCK I remember. OBERON That very time I saw, - but thou couldst not, - Flying between the cold moon and the earth, Cupid, all arm'd: a certain aim he took At a fair vestal, throned by the west; And loos'd his love-shaft smartly from his bow, As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts; But I might see young Cupid's fiery shaft Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon; And the imperial votaress passed on, In maiden meditation, fancy-free. Yet mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell: It fell upon a little western flower, - Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound, - And maidens call it love-in-idleness. Fetch me that flower, the herb I showed thee once: The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid Will make or man or woman madly dote Upon the next live creature that it sees. Fetch me this herb: and be thou here again Ere the leviathan can swim a league. PUCK I'll put a girdle round about the earth In forty minutes. [Exit PUCK.] OBERON Having once this juice, I'll watch Titania when she is asleep, And drop the liquor of it in her eyes: The next thing then she waking looks upon, - Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull, On meddling monkey, or on busy ape, - She shall pursue it with the soul of love. And ere I take this charm from off her sight, - As I can take it with another herb, I'll make her render up her page to me. But who comes here? I am invisible; And I will overhear their conference. [Enter DEMETRIUS, HELENA following him.] DEMETRIUS I love thee not, therefore pursue me not. Where is Lysander and fair Hermia? The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me. Thou told'st me they were stol'n into this wood, And here am I, and wode within this wood, Because I cannot meet with Hermia. Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more. HELENA You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant; But yet you draw not iron, for my heart Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw, And I shall have no power to follow you. DEMETRIUS Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair? Or, rather, do I not in plainest truth Tell you I do not, nor I cannot love you? HELENA And even for that do I love you the more. I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius, The more you beat me, I will fawn on you: Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me, Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave, Unworthy as I am, to follow you. What worser place can I beg in your love, And yet a place of high respect with me, - Than to be used as you use your dog? DEMETRIUS Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit; For I am sick when I do look on thee. HELENA And I am sick when I look not on you. DEMETRIUS You do impeach your modesty too much, To leave the city, and commit yourself Into the hands of one that loves you not; To trust the opportunity of night, And the ill counsel of a desert place, With the rich worth of your virginity. HELENA Your virtue is my privilege for that. It is not night when I do see your face, Therefore I think I am not in the night; Nor doth this wood lack worlds of company; For you, in my respect, are all the world: Then how can it be said I am alone When all the world is here to look on me? DEMETRIUS I'll run from thee, and hide me in the brakes, And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts. HELENA The wildest hath not such a heart as you. Run when you will, the story shall be chang'd; Apollo flies, and Daphne holds the chase; The dove pursues the griffin; the mild hind Makes speed to catch the tiger, - bootless speed, When cowardice pursues and valour flies. DEMETRIUS I will not stay thy questions; let me go: Or, if thou follow me, do not believe But I shall do thee mischief in the wood. HELENA Ay, in the temple, in the town, the field, You do me mischief. Fie, Demetrius! Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex: We cannot fight for love as men may do: We should be woo'd, and were not made to woo. I'll follow thee, and make a heaven of hell, To die upon the hand I love so well. [Exeunt DEMETRIUS and HELENA.] OBERON Fare thee well, nymph: ere he do leave this grove, Thou shalt fly him, and he shall seek thy love. - [Re-enter PUCK.] Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer. PUCK Ay, there it is. OBERON I pray thee give it me. I know a bank whereon the wild thyme blows, Where ox-lips and the nodding violet grows; Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine, With sweet musk-roses, and with eglantine: There sleeps Titania sometime of the night, Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight; And there the snake throws her enamell'd skin, Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in: And with the juice of this I'll streak her eyes, And make her full of hateful fantasies. Take thou some of it, and seek through this grove: A sweet Athenian lady is in love With a disdainful youth: anoint his eyes; But do it when the next thing he espies May be the lady: thou shalt know the man By the Athenian garments he hath on. Effect it with some care, that he may prove More fond on her than she upon her love: And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow. PUCK Fear not, my lord; your servant shall do so. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Another part of the wood. [Enter TITANIA, with her Train.] TITANIA Come, now a roundel and a fairy song; Then, for the third part of a minute, hence; Some to kill cankers in the musk-rose buds; Some war with rere-mice for their leathern wings, To make my small elves coats; and some keep back The clamorous owl, that nightly hoots and wonders At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep; Then to your offices, and let me rest. SONG. I. FIRST FAIRY You spotted snakes, with double tongue, Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen; Newts and blind-worms do no wrong; Come not near our fairy queen: CHORUS. Philomel, with melody, Sing in our sweet lullaby: Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla, lulla, lullaby: Never harm, nor spell, nor charm, Come our lovely lady nigh; So good-night, with lullaby. II. SECOND FAIRY Weaving spiders, come not here; Hence, you long-legg'd spinners, hence; Beetles black, approach not near; Worm nor snail do no offence. CHORUS Philomel with melody, &c. FIRST FAIRY Hence away; now all is well. One, aloof, stand sentinel. [Exeunt Fairies. TITANIA sleeps.] [Enter OBERON.] OBERON What thou seest when thou dost wake, [Squeezes the flower on TITANIA'S eyelids.] Do it for thy true-love take; Love and languish for his sake; Be it ounce, or cat, or bear, Pard, or boar with bristled hair, In thy eye that shall appear When thou wak'st, it is thy dear; Wake when some vile thing is near. [Exit.] [Enter LYSANDER and HERMIA.] LYSANDER Fair love, you faint with wandering in the wood; And, to speak troth, I have forgot our way; We'll rest us, Hermia, if you think it good, And tarry for the comfort of the day. HERMIA Be it so, Lysander: find you out a bed, For I upon this bank will rest my head. LYSANDER One turf shall serve as pillow for us both; One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and one troth. HERMIA Nay, good Lysander; for my sake, my dear, Lie farther off yet, do not lie so near. LYSANDER O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence; Love takes the meaning in love's conference. I mean that my heart unto yours is knit; So that but one heart we can make of it: Two bosoms interchained with an oath; So then two bosoms and a single troth. Then by your side no bed-room me deny; For lying so, Hermia, I do not lie. HERMIA Lysander riddles very prettily: - Now much beshrew my manners and my pride If Hermia meant to say Lysander lied! But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy Lie further off; in human modesty, Such separation as may well be said Becomes a virtuous bachelor and a maid: So far be distant; and good night, sweet friend: Thy love ne'er alter till thy sweet life end! LYSANDER Amen, amen, to that fair prayer say I; And then end life when I end loyalty! Here is my bed: Sleep give thee all his rest! HERMIA With half that wish the wisher's eyes be pressed! [They sleep.] [Enter PUCK.] PUCK Through the forest have I gone, But Athenian found I none, On whose eyes I might approve This flower's force in stirring love. Night and silence! Who is here? Weeds of Athens he doth wear: This is he, my master said, Despised the Athenian maid; And here the maiden, sleeping sound, On the dank and dirty ground. Pretty soul! she durst not lie Near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy. Churl, upon thy eyes I throw All the power this charm doth owe; When thou wak'st let love forbid Sleep his seat on thy eyelid: So awake when I am gone; For I must now to Oberon. [Exit.] [Enter DEMETRIUS and HELENA, running.] HELENA Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Demetrius. DEMETRIUS I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus. HELENA O, wilt thou darkling leave me? do not so. DEMETRIUS. Stay on thy peril; I alone will go. [Exit DEMETRIUS.] HELENA O, I am out of breath in this fond chase! The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace. Happy is Hermia, wheresoe'er she lies, For she hath blessed and attractive eyes. How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears: If so, my eyes are oftener wash'd than hers. No, no, I am as ugly as a bear; For beasts that meet me run away for fear: Therefore no marvel though Demetrius Do, as a monster, fly my presence thus. What wicked and dissembling glass of mine Made me compare with Hermia's sphery eyne? - But who is here? - Lysander! on the ground! Dead? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound. Lysander, if you live, good sir, awake. LYSANDER [Waking.] And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake. Transparent Helena! Nature shows art, That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart. Where is Demetrius? O, how fit a word Is that vile name to perish on my sword! HELENA Do not say so, Lysander; say not so: What though he love your Hermia? Lord, what though? Yet Hermia still loves you: then be content. LYSANDER. Content with Hermia? No: I do repent The tedious minutes I with her have spent. Not Hermia but Helena I love: Who will not change a raven for a dove? The will of man is by his reason sway'd; And reason says you are the worthier maid. Things growing are not ripe until their season; So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason; And touching now the point of human skill, Reason becomes the marshal to my will, And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook Love's stories, written in love's richest book. HELENA Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born? When at your hands did I deserve this scorn? Is't not enough, is't not enough, young man, That I did never, no, nor never can Deserve a sweet look from Demetrius' eye, But you must flout my insufficiency? Good troth, you do me wrong, - good sooth, you do - In such disdainful manner me to woo. But fare you well: perforce I must confess, I thought you lord of more true gentleness. O, that a lady of one man refus'd Should of another therefore be abus'd! [Exit.] LYSANDER She sees not Hermia: - Hermia, sleep thou there; And never mayst thou come Lysander near! For, as a surfeit of the sweetest things The deepest loathing to the stomach brings; Or, as the heresies that men do leave Are hated most of those they did deceive; So thou, my surfeit and my heresy, Of all be hated, but the most of me! And, all my powers, address your love and might To honour Helen, and to be her knight! [Exit.] HERMIA [Starting.] Help me, Lysander, help me! do thy best To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast! Ay me, for pity! - What a dream was here! Lysander, look how I do quake with fear! Methought a serpent eat my heart away, And you sat smiling at his cruel prey. - Lysander! what, removed? Lysander! lord! What, out of hearing? gone? no sound, no word? Alack, where are you? speak, an if you hear; Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear. No? - then I well perceive you are not nigh: Either death or you I'll find immediately. [Exit.] ACT III. SCENE I. The Wood. The Queen of Fairies lying asleep. [Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING.] BOTTOM Are we all met? QUINCE Pat, pat; and here's a marvellous convenient place for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our stage, this hawthorn brake our tiring-house; and we will do it in action, as we will do it before the duke. BOTTOM Peter Quince, - QUINCE What sayest thou, bully Bottom? BOTTOM There are things in this comedy of 'Pyramus and Thisby' that will never please. First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill himself; which the ladies cannot abide. How answer you that? SNOUT By'r lakin, a parlous fear. STARVELING I believe we must leave the killing out, when all is done. BOTTOM Not a whit: I have a device to make all well. Write me a prologue; and let the prologue seem to say we will do no harm with our swords, and that Pyramus is not killed indeed; and for the more better assurance, tell them that I Pyramus am not Pyramus but Bottom the weaver: this will put them out of fear. QUINCE Well, we will have such a prologue; and it shall be written in eight and six. BOTTOM No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and eight. SNOUT Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion? STARVELING I fear it, I promise you. BOTTOM Masters, you ought to consider with yourselves: to bring in, God shield us! a lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing: for there is not a more fearful wild-fowl than your lion living; and we ought to look to it. SNOUT Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion. BOTTOM Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must be seen through the lion's neck; and he himself must speak through, saying thus, or to the same defect, - 'Ladies,' or, 'Fair ladies, I would wish you, or, I would request you, or, I would entreat you, not to fear, not to tremble: my life for yours. If you think I come hither as a lion, it were pity of my life. No, I am no such thing; I am a man as other men are:' - and there, indeed, let him name his name, and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner. QUINCE Well, it shall be so. But there is two hard things; that is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber: for, you know, Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight. SNOUT Doth the moon shine that night we play our play? BOTTOM A calendar, a calendar! look in the almanack; find out moonshine, find out moonshine. QUINCE Yes, it doth shine that night. BOTTOM Why, then may you leave a casement of the great chamber-window, where we play, open; and the moon may shine in at the casement. QUINCE Ay; or else one must come in with a bush of thorns and a lantern, and say he comes to disfigure or to present the person of moonshine. Then there is another thing: we must have a wall in the great chamber; for Pyramus and Thisby, says the story, did talk through the chink of a wall. SNOUT You can never bring in a wall. - What say you, Bottom? BOTTOM Some man or other must present wall: and let him have some plaster, or some loam, or some rough-cast about him, to signify wall; and let him hold his fingers thus, and through that cranny shall Pyramus and Thisby whisper. QUINCE If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down, every mother's son, and rehearse your parts. Pyramus, you begin: when you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake; and so every one according to his cue. [Enter PUCK behind.] PUCK What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here, So near the cradle of the fairy queen? What, a play toward! I'll be an auditor; An actor too perhaps, if I see cause. QUINCE Speak, Pyramus. - Thisby, stand forth. PYRAMUS 'Thisby, the flowers of odious savours sweet,' QUINCE Odours, odours. PYRAMUS ' - odours savours sweet: So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear. - But hark, a voice! stay thou but here awhile, And by and by I will to thee appear.' [Exit.] PUCK A stranger Pyramus than e'er played here! [Aside. - Exit.] THISBE Must I speak now? QUINCE Ay, marry, must you: for you must understand he goes but to see a noise that he heard, and is to come again. THISBE 'Most radiant Pyramus, most lily white of hue, Of colour like the red rose on triumphant brier, Most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew, As true as truest horse, that would never tire, I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb.' QUINCE Ninus' tomb, man: why, you must not speak that yet: that you answer to Pyramus. You speak all your part at once, cues, and all. - Pyramus enter: your cue is past; it is 'never tire.' [Re-enter PUCK, and BOTTOM with an ass's head.] THISBE O,' - As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.' PYRAMUS 'If I were fair, Thisby, I were only thine: - ' QUINCE O monstrous! O strange! we are haunted. Pray, masters! fly, masters! Help! [Exeunt Clowns.] PUCK I'll follow you; I'll lead you about a round, Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier; Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound, A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire; And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn, Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn. [Exit.] BOTTOM Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to make me afeard. [Re-enter SNOUT.] SNOUT O Bottom, thou art changed! What do I see on thee? BOTTOM What do you see? you see an ass-head of your own, do you? [Re-enter QUINCE.] QUINCE Bless thee, Bottom! bless thee! thou art translated. [Exit.] BOTTOM I see their knavery: this is to make an ass of me; to fright me, if they could. But I will not stir from this place, do what they can: I will walk up and down here, and I will sing, that they shall hear I am not afraid. [Sings.] The ousel cock, so black of hue, With orange-tawny bill, The throstle with his note so true, The wren with little quill. TITANIA [Waking.] What angel wakes me from my flowery bed? BOTTOM [Sings.] The finch, the sparrow, and the lark, The plain-song cuckoo gray, Whose note full many a man doth mark, And dares not answer nay; - for, indeed, who would set his wit to so foolish a bird? Who would give a bird the lie, though he cry 'cuckoo' never so? TITANIA I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again; Mine ear is much enamour'd of thy note. So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape; And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me, On the first view, to say, to swear, I love thee. BOTTOM Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that: and yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together now-a-days: the more the pity that some honest neighbours will not make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon occasion. TITANIA Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful. BOTTOM Not so, neither: but if I had wit enough to get out of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn. TITANIA Out of this wood do not desire to go; Thou shalt remain here whether thou wilt or no. I am a spirit of no common rate, - The summer still doth tend upon my state; And I do love thee: therefore, go with me, I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee; And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep, And sing, while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep: And I will purge thy mortal grossness so That thou shalt like an airy spirit go. - Peasblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed! [Enter Four Fairies.] FIRST FAIRY Ready. SECOND FAIRY And I. THIRD FAIRY And I. FOURTH FAIRY Where shall we go? TITANIA Be kind and courteous to this gentleman; Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes; Feed him with apricocks and dewberries, With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries; The honey bags steal from the humble-bees, And, for night-tapers, crop their waxen thighs, And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes, To have my love to bed and to arise; And pluck the wings from painted butterflies, To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes: Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies. FIRST FAIRY Hail, mortal! SECOND FAIRY Hail! THIRD FAIRY Hail! FOURTH FAIRY Hail! BOTTOM I cry your worships mercy, heartily. - I beseech your worship's name. COBWEB Cobweb. BOTTOM I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Cobweb. If I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you. - Your name, honest gentleman? PEASBLOSSOM Peasblossom. BOTTOM I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your mother, and to Master Peascod, your father. Good Master Peasblossom, I shall desire you of more acquaintance too. - Your name, I beseech you, sir? MUSTARDSEED Mustardseed. BOTTOM Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well: That same cowardly giant-like ox-beef hath devoured many a gentleman of your house: I promise you your kindred hath made my eyes water ere now. I desire you of more acquaintance, good Master Mustardseed. TITANIA Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bower. The moon, methinks, looks with a watery eye; And when she weeps, weeps every little flower; Lamenting some enforcèd chastity. Tie up my love's tongue, bring him silently. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Another part of the wood. [Enter OBERON.] OBERON I wonder if Titania be awak'd; Then, what it was that next came in her eye, Which she must dote on in extremity. [Enter PUCK.] Here comes my messenger. - How now, mad spirit? What night-rule now about this haunted grove? PUCK My mistress with a monster is in love. Near to her close and consecrated bower, While she was in her dull and sleeping hour, A crew of patches, rude mechanicals, That work for bread upon Athenian stalls, Were met together to rehearse a play Intended for great Theseus' nuptial day. The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort Who Pyramus presented in their sport, Forsook his scene and enter'd in a brake; When I did him at this advantage take, An ass's nowl I fixèd on his head; Anon, his Thisbe must be answered, And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy, As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye, Or russet-pated choughs, many in sort, Rising and cawing at the gun's report, Sever themselves and madly sweep the sky, So at his sight away his fellows fly: And at our stamp here, o'er and o'er one falls; He murder cries, and help from Athens calls. Their sense thus weak, lost with their fears, thus strong, Made senseless things begin to do them wrong; For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch; Some sleeves, some hats: from yielders all things catch. I led them on in this distracted fear, And left sweet Pyramus translated there: When in that moment, - so it came to pass, - Titania wak'd, and straightway lov'd an ass. OBERON This falls out better than I could devise. But hast thou yet latch'd the Athenian's eyes With the love-juice, as I did bid thee do? PUCK I took him sleeping, - that is finish'd too, - And the Athenian woman by his side; That, when he wak'd, of force she must be ey'd. [Enter DEMETRIUS and HERMIA.] OBERON Stand close; this is the same Athenian. PUCK This is the woman, but not this the man. DEMETRIUS O, why rebuke you him that loves you so? Lay breath so bitter on your bitter foe. HERMIA Now I but chide, but I should use thee worse; For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse. If thou hast slain Lysander in his sleep, Being o'er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep, And kill me too. The sun was not so true unto the day As he to me: would he have stol'n away From sleeping Hermia? I'll believe as soon This whole earth may be bor'd; and that the moon May through the centre creep and so displease Her brother's noontide with the antipodes. It cannot be but thou hast murder'd him; So should a murderer look; so dead, so grim. DEMETRIUS So should the murder'd look; and so should I, Pierc'd through the heart with your stern cruelty: Yet you, the murderer, look as bright, as clear, As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere. HERMIA What's this to my Lysander? where is he? Ah, good Demetrius, wilt thou give him me? DEMETRIUS I had rather give his carcass to my hounds. HERMIA Out, dog! out, cur! thou driv'st me past the bounds Of maiden's patience. Hast thou slain him, then? Henceforth be never number'd among men! Oh! once tell true; tell true, even for my sake; Durst thou have look'd upon him, being awake, And hast thou kill'd him sleeping? O brave touch! Could not a worm, an adder, do so much? An adder did it; for with doubler tongue Than thine, thou serpent, never adder stung. DEMETRIUS You spend your passion on a mispris'd mood: I am not guilty of Lysander's blood; Nor is he dead, for aught that I can tell. HERMIA I pray thee, tell me, then, that he is well. DEMETRIUS An if I could, what should I get therefore? HERMIA A privilege never to see me more. - And from thy hated presence part I so: See me no more whether he be dead or no. [Exit.] DEMETRIUS There is no following her in this fierce vein: Here, therefore, for a while I will remain. So sorrow's heaviness doth heavier grow For debt that bankrupt sleep doth sorrow owe; Which now in some slight measure it will pay, If for his tender here I make some stay. [Lies down.] OBERON What hast thou done? thou hast mistaken quite, And laid the love-juice on some true-love's sight: Of thy misprision must perforce ensue Some true love turn'd, and not a false turn'd true. PUCK Then fate o'er-rules, that, one man holding troth, A million fail, confounding oath on oath. OBERON About the wood go, swifter than the wind, And Helena of Athens look thou find: All fancy-sick she is, and pale of cheer, With sighs of love, that costs the fresh blood dear. By some illusion see thou bring her here; I'll charm his eyes against she do appear. PUCK I go, I go; look how I go, - Swifter than arrow from the Tartar's bow. [Exit.] OBERON Flower of this purple dye, Hit with Cupid's archery, Sink in apple of his eye! When his love he doth espy, Let her shine as gloriously As the Venus of the sky. - When thou wak'st, if she be by, Beg of her for remedy. [Re-enter PUCK.] PUCK Captain of our fairy band, Helena is here at hand, And the youth mistook by me Pleading for a lover's fee; Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what fools these mortals be! OBERON Stand aside: the noise they make Will cause Demetrius to awake. PUCK Then will two at once woo one, - That must needs be sport alone; And those things do best please me That befall preposterously. [Enter LYSANDER and HELENA.] LYSANDER Why should you think that I should woo in scorn? Scorn and derision never come in tears. Look when I vow, I weep; and vows so born, In their nativity all truth appears. How can these things in me seem scorn to you, Bearing the badge of faith, to prove them true? HELENA You do advance your cunning more and more. When truth kills truth, O devilish-holy fray! These vows are Hermia's: will you give her o'er? Weigh oath with oath, and you will nothing weigh: Your vows to her and me, put in two scales, Will even weigh; and both as light as tales. LYSANDER I had no judgment when to her I swore. HELENA Nor none, in my mind, now you give her o'er. LYSANDER Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you. DEMETRIUS [Awaking.] O Helen, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine! To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne? Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow! That pure congealed white, high Taurus' snow, Fann'd with the eastern wind, turns to a crow When thou hold'st up thy hand: O, let me kiss This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss! HELENA O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent To set against me for your merriment. If you were civil, and knew courtesy, You would not do me thus much injury. Can you not hate me, as I know you do, But you must join in souls to mock me too? If you were men, as men you are in show, You would not use a gentle lady so; To vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts, When I am sure you hate me with your hearts. You both are rivals, and love Hermia; And now both rivals, to mock Helena: A trim exploit, a manly enterprise, To conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes With your derision! None of noble sort Would so offend a virgin, and extort A poor soul's patience, all to make you sport. LYSANDER You are unkind, Demetrius; be not so; For you love Hermia: this you know I know: And here, with all good will, with all my heart, In Hermia's love I yield you up my part; And yours of Helena to me bequeath, Whom I do love and will do till my death. HELENA Never did mockers waste more idle breath. DEMETRIUS Lysander, keep thy Hermia; I will none: If e'er I lov'd her, all that love is gone. My heart to her but as guest-wise sojourn'd; And now to Helen is it home return'd, There to remain. LYSANDER Helen, it is not so. DEMETRIUS Disparage not the faith thou dost not know, Lest, to thy peril, thou aby it dear. - Look where thy love comes; yonder is thy dear. [Enter HERMIA.] HERMIA Dark night, that from the eye his function takes, The ear more quick of apprehension makes; Wherein it doth impair the seeing sense, It pays the hearing double recompense: - Thou art not by mine eye, Lysander, found; Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound. But why unkindly didst thou leave me so? LYSANDER Why should he stay whom love doth press to go? HERMIA What love could press Lysander from my side? LYSANDER Lysander's love, that would not let him bide, - Fair Helena, - who more engilds the night Than all yon fiery oes and eyes of light. Why seek'st thou me? could not this make thee know The hate I bare thee made me leave thee so? HERMIA You speak not as you think; it cannot be. HELENA Lo, she is one of this confederacy! Now I perceive they have conjoin'd all three To fashion this false sport in spite of me. Injurious Hermia! most ungrateful maid! Have you conspir'd, have you with these contriv'd, To bait me with this foul derision? Is all the counsel that we two have shar'd, The sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent, When we have chid the hasty-footed time For parting us, - O, is all forgot? All school-days' friendship, childhood innocence? We, Hermia, like two artificial gods, Have with our needles created both one flower, Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion, Both warbling of one song, both in one key; As if our hands, our sides, voices, and minds, Had been incorporate. So we grew together, Like to a double cherry, seeming parted; But yet a union in partition, Two lovely berries moulded on one stem: So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart; Two of the first, like coats in heraldry, Due but to one, and crowned with one crest. And will you rent our ancient love asunder, To join with men in scorning your poor friend? It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly: Our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it, Though I alone do feel the injury. HERMIA I am amazed at your passionate words: I scorn you not; it seems that you scorn me. HELENA Have you not set Lysander, as in scorn, To follow me, and praise my eyes and face? And made your other love, Demetrius, - Who even but now did spurn me with his foot, - To call me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare, Precious, celestial? Wherefore speaks he this To her he hates? and wherefore doth Lysander Deny your love, so rich within his soul, And tender me, forsooth, affection, But by your setting on, by your consent? What though I be not so in grace as you, So hung upon with love, so fortunate; But miserable most, to love unlov'd? This you should pity rather than despise. HERMIA I understand not what you mean by this. HELENA Ay, do persever, counterfeit sad looks, Make mows upon me when I turn my back; Wink each at other; hold the sweet jest up: This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled. If you have any pity, grace, or manners, You would not make me such an argument. But fare ye well: 'tis partly my own fault; Which death, or absence, soon shall remedy. LYSANDER Stay, gentle Helena; hear my excuse; My love, my life, my soul, fair Helena! HELENA O excellent! HERMIA Sweet, do not scorn her so. DEMETRIUS If she cannot entreat, I can compel. LYSANDER Thou canst compel no more than she entreat; Thy threats have no more strength than her weak prayers. - Helen, I love thee; by my life I do; I swear by that which I will lose for thee To prove him false that says I love thee not. DEMETRIUS I say I love thee more than he can do. LYSANDER If thou say so, withdraw, and prove it too. DEMETRIUS Quick, come, - HERMIA Lysander, whereto tends all this? LYSANDER Away, you Ethiope! DEMETRIUS No, no, sir: - he will Seem to break loose; take on as you would follow: But yet come not. You are a tame man; go! LYSANDER Hang off, thou cat, thou burr: vile thing, let loose, Or I will shake thee from me like a serpent. HERMIA Why are you grown so rude? what change is this, Sweet love? LYSANDER Thy love! out, tawny Tartar, out! Out, loathed medicine! hated potion, hence! HERMIA Do you not jest? HELENA Yes, sooth; and so do you. LYSANDER Demetrius, I will keep my word with thee. DEMETRIUS I would I had your bond; for I perceive A weak bond holds you; I'll not trust your word. LYSANDER What! should I hurt her, strike her, kill her dead? Although I hate her, I'll not harm her so. HERMIA What! can you do me greater harm than hate? Hate me! wherefore? O me! what news, my love? Am not I Hermia? Are not you Lysander? I am as fair now as I was erewhile. Since night you lov'd me; yet since night you left me: Why then, you left me, - O, the gods forbid! - In earnest, shall I say? LYSANDER Ay, by my life; And never did desire to see thee more. Therefore be out of hope, of question, doubt, Be certain, nothing truer; 'tis no jest That I do hate thee and love Helena. HERMIA O me! you juggler! you cankerblossom! You thief of love! What! have you come by night, And stol'n my love's heart from him? HELENA Fine, i' faith! Have you no modesty, no maiden shame, No touch of bashfulness? What! will you tear Impatient answers from my gentle tongue? Fie, fie! you counterfeit, you puppet, you! HERMIA Puppet! why so? Ay, that way goes the game. Now I perceive that she hath made compare Between our statures; she hath urg'd her height; And with her personage, her tall personage, Her height, forsooth, she hath prevail'd with him. - And are you grown so high in his esteem Because I am so dwarfish and so low? How low am I, thou painted maypole? speak; How low am I? I am not yet so low But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes. HELENA I pray you, though you mock me, gentlemen, Let her not hurt me. I was never curst; I have no gift at all in shrewishness; I am a right maid for my cowardice; Let her not strike me. You perhaps may think, Because she is something lower than myself, That I can match her. HERMIA Lower! hark, again. HELENA Good Hermia, do not be so bitter with me. I evermore did love you, Hermia; Did ever keep your counsels; never wrong'd you; Save that, in love unto Demetrius, I told him of your stealth unto this wood: He follow'd you; for love I follow'd him; But he hath chid me hence, and threaten'd me To strike me, spurn me, nay, to kill me too: And now, so you will let me quiet go, To Athens will I bear my folly back, And follow you no farther. Let me go: You see how simple and how fond I am. HERMIA Why, get you gone: who is't that hinders you? HELENA A foolish heart that I leave here behind. HERMIA What! with Lysander? HELENA With Demetrius. LYSANDER Be not afraid; she shall not harm thee, Helena. DEMETRIUS No, sir, she shall not, though you take her part. HELENA O, when she's angry, she is keen and shrewd: She was a vixen when she went to school; And, though she be but little, she is fierce. HERMIA Little again! nothing but low and little! - Why will you suffer her to flout me thus? Let me come to her. LYSANDER Get you gone, you dwarf; You minimus, of hind'ring knot-grass made; You bead, you acorn. DEMETRIUS You are too officious In her behalf that scorns your services. Let her alone: speak not of Helena; Take not her part; for if thou dost intend Never so little show of love to her, Thou shalt aby it. LYSANDER Now she holds me not; Now follow, if thou dar'st, to try whose right, Of thine or mine, is most in Helena. DEMETRIUS Follow! nay, I'll go with thee, cheek by jole. [Exeunt LYSANDER and DEMETRIUS.] HERMIA You, mistress, all this coil is 'long of you: Nay, go not back. HELENA I will not trust you, I; Nor longer stay in your curst company. Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray; My legs are longer though, to run away. [Exit.] HERMIA I am amaz'd, and know not what to say. [Exit, pursuing HELENA.] OBERON This is thy negligence: still thou mistak'st, Or else commit'st thy knaveries willfully. PUCK Believe me, king of shadows, I mistook. Did not you tell me I should know the man By the Athenian garments he had on? And so far blameless proves my enterprise That I have 'nointed an Athenian's eyes: And so far am I glad it so did sort, As this their jangling I esteem a sport. OBERON Thou seest these lovers seek a place to fight; Hie therefore, Robin, overcast the night; The starry welkin cover thou anon With drooping fog, as black as Acheron, And lead these testy rivals so astray As one come not within another's way. Like to Lysander sometime frame thy tongue, Then stir Demetrius up with bitter wrong; And sometime rail thou like Demetrius; And from each other look thou lead them thus, Till o'er their brows death-counterfeiting sleep With leaden legs and batty wings doth creep: Then crush this herb into Lysander's eye; Whose liquor hath this virtuous property, To take from thence all error with his might And make his eyeballs roll with wonted sight. When they next wake, all this derision Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision; And back to Athens shall the lovers wend With league whose date till death shall never end. Whiles I in this affair do thee employ, I'll to my queen, and beg her Indian boy; And then I will her charmed eye release From monster's view, and all things shall be peace. PUCK My fairy lord, this must be done with haste, For night's swift dragons cut the clouds full fast; And yonder shines Aurora's harbinger, At whose approach ghosts, wandering here and there, Troop home to churchyards: damned spirits all, That in cross-ways and floods have burial, Already to their wormy beds are gone; For fear lest day should look their shames upon They wilfully exile themselves from light, And must for aye consort with black-brow'd night. OBERON But we are spirits of another sort: I with the morning's love have oft made sport; And, like a forester, the groves may tread Even till the eastern gate, all fiery-red, Opening on Neptune with fair blessed beams, Turns into yellow gold his salt-green streams. But, notwithstanding, haste; make no delay: We may effect this business yet ere day. [Exit OBERON.] PUCK Up and down, up and down; I will lead them up and down: I am fear'd in field and town. Goblin, lead them up and down. Here comes one. [Enter LYSANDER.] LYSANDER Where art thou, proud Demetrius? speak thou now. PUCK Here, villain; drawn and ready. Where art thou? LYSANDER I will be with thee straight. PUCK Follow me, then, To plainer ground. [Exit LYSANDER as following the voice.] [Enter DEMETRIUS.] DEMETRIUS Lysander! speak again. Thou runaway, thou coward, art thou fled? Speak. In some bush? where dost thou hide thy head? PUCK Thou coward, art thou bragging to the stars, Telling the bushes that thou look'st for wars, And wilt not come? Come, recreant; come, thou child; I'll whip thee with a rod: he is defiled That draws a sword on thee. DEMETRIUS Yea, art thou there? PUCK Follow my voice; we'll try no manhood here. [Exeunt.] [Re-enter LYSANDER.] LYSANDER He goes before me, and still dares me on; When I come where he calls, then he is gone. The villain is much lighter heeled than I: I follow'd fast, but faster he did fly; That fallen am I in dark uneven way, And here will rest me. Come, thou gentle day! [Lies down.] For if but once thou show me thy grey light, I'll find Demetrius, and revenge this spite. [Sleeps.] [Re-enter PUCK and DEMETRIUS.] PUCK Ho, ho, ho, ho! Coward, why com'st thou not? DEMETRIUS Abide me, if thou dar'st; for well I wot Thou runn'st before me, shifting every place; And dar'st not stand, nor look me in the face. Where art thou? PUCK Come hither; I am here. DEMETRIUS Nay, then, thou mock'st me. Thou shalt buy this dear, If ever I thy face by daylight see: Now, go thy way. Faintness constraineth me To measure out my length on this cold bed. - By day's approach look to be visited. [Lies down and sleeps.] [Enter HELENA.] HELENA O weary night, O long and tedious night, Abate thy hours! Shine comforts from the east, That I may back to Athens by daylight, From these that my poor company detest: - And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow's eye, Steal me awhile from mine own company. [Sleeps.] PUCK Yet but three? Come one more; Two of both kinds makes up four. Here she comes, curst and sad: - Cupid is a knavish lad, Thus to make poor females mad. [Enter HERMIA.] HERMIA Never so weary, never so in woe, Bedabbled with the dew, and torn with briers; I can no further crawl, no further go; My legs can keep no pace with my desires. Here will I rest me till the break of day. Heavens shield Lysander, if they mean a fray! [Lies down.] PUCK On the ground Sleep sound: I'll apply To your eye, Gentle lover, remedy. [Squeezing the juice on LYSANDER'S eye.] When thou wak'st, Thou tak'st True delight In the sight Of thy former lady's eye: And the country proverb known, That every man should take his own, In your waking shall be shown: Jack shall have Jill; Nought shall go ill; The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well. [Exit PUCK. - DEMETRIUS, HELENA &c, sleep.] ACT IV SCENE I. The Wood. [Enter TITANIA and BOTTOM; PEASBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, MUSTARDSEED, and other FAIRIES attending; OBERON behind, unseen.] TITANIA Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed, While I thy amiable cheeks do coy, And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head, And kiss thy fair large ears, my gentle joy. BOTTOM Where's Peasblossom? PEASBLOSSOM Ready. BOTTOM Scratch my head, Peasblossom. - Where's Monsieur Cobweb? COBWEB Ready. BOTTOM Monsieur Cobweb; good monsieur, get you your weapons in your hand and kill me a red-hipped humble-bee on the top of a thistle; and, good monsieur, bring me the honey-bag. Do not fret yourself too much in the action, monsieur; and, good monsieur, have a care the honey-bag break not; I would be loath to have you overflown with a honey-bag, signior. - Where's Monsieur Mustardseed? MUSTARDSEED Ready. BOTTOM Give me your neif, Monsieur Mustardseed. Pray you, leave your curtsy, good monsieur. MUSTARDSEED What's your will? BOTTOM Nothing, good monsieur, but to help Cavalero Cobweb to scratch. I must to the barber's, monsieur; for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face; and I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me I must scratch. TITANIA What, wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love? BOTTOM I have a reasonable good ear in music; let us have the tongs and the bones. TITANIA Or say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat. BOTTOM Truly, a peck of provender; I could munch your good dry oats. Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle of hay: good hay, sweet hay, hath no fellow. TITANIA I have a venturous fairy that shall seek The squirrel's hoard, and fetch thee new nuts. BOTTOM I had rather have a handful or two of dried peas. But, I pray you, let none of your people stir me; I have an exposition of sleep come upon me. TITANIA Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms. Fairies, be gone, and be all ways away. So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle Gently entwist, - the female ivy so Enrings the barky fingers of the elm. O, how I love thee! how I dote on thee! [They sleep.] [OBERON advances. Enter PUCK.] OBERON Welcome, good Robin. Seest thou this sweet sight? Her dotage now I do begin to pity. For, meeting her of late behind the wood, Seeking sweet favours for this hateful fool, I did upbraid her and fall out with her: For she his hairy temples then had rounded With coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers; And that same dew, which sometime on the buds Was wont to swell like round and orient pearls, Stood now within the pretty flow'rets' eyes, Like tears that did their own disgrace bewail. When I had, at my pleasure, taunted her, And she, in mild terms, begg'd my patience, I then did ask of her her changeling child; Which straight she gave me, and her fairy sent To bear him to my bower in fairy-land. And now I have the boy, I will undo This hateful imperfection of her eyes. And, gentle Puck, take this transformed scalp From off the head of this Athenian swain, That he awaking when the other do, May all to Athens back again repair, And think no more of this night's accidents But as the fierce vexation of a dream. But first I will release the fairy queen. Be as thou wast wont to be; [Touching her eyes with an herb.] See as thou was wont to see. Dian's bud o'er Cupid's flower Hath such force and blessed power. Now, my Titania; wake you, my sweet queen. TITANIA My Oberon! what visions have I seen! Methought I was enamour'd of an ass. OBERON There lies your love. TITANIA How came these things to pass? O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now! OBERON Silence awhile. - Robin, take off this head. Titania, music call; and strike more dead Than common sleep, of all these five, the sense. TITANIA Music, ho! music; such as charmeth sleep. PUCK Now when thou wak'st, with thine own fool's eyes peep. OBERON Sound, music. [Still music.] Come, my queen, take hands with me, And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be. Now thou and I are new in amity, And will to-morrow midnight solemnly Dance in Duke Theseus' house triumphantly, And bless it to all fair prosperity: There shall the pairs of faithful lovers be Wedded, with Theseus, all in jollity. PUCK Fairy king, attend and mark; I do hear the morning lark. OBERON Then, my queen, in silence sad, Trip we after night's shade. We the globe can compass soon, Swifter than the wand'ring moon. TITANIA Come, my lord; and in our flight, Tell me how it came this night That I sleeping here was found With these mortals on the ground. [Exeunt. Horns sound within.] [Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEUS, and Train.] THESEUS Go, one of you, find out the forester; - For now our observation is perform'd; And since we have the vaward of the day, My love shall hear the music of my hounds, - Uncouple in the western valley; go: - Despatch, I say, and find the forester. - [Exit an ATTENDANT.] We will, fair queen, up to the mountain's top, And mark the musical confusion Of hounds and echo in conjunction. HIPPOLYTA I was with Hercules and Cadmus once When in a wood of Crete they bay'd the bear With hounds of Sparta: never did I hear Such gallant chiding; for, besides the groves, The skies, the fountains, every region near Seem'd all one mutual cry: I never heard So musical a discord, such sweet thunder. THESEUS My hounds are bred out of the Spartan kind, So flew'd, so sanded; and their heads are hung With ears that sweep away the morning dew; Crook-knee'd and dew-lap'd like Thessalian bulls; Slow in pursuit, but match'd in mouth like bells, Each under each. A cry more tuneable Was never holla'd to, nor cheer'd with horn, In Crete, in Sparta, nor in Thessaly. Judge when you hear. - But, soft, what nymphs are these? EGEUS My lord, this is my daughter here asleep; And this Lysander; this Demetrius is; This Helena, old Nedar's Helena: I wonder of their being here together. THESEUS No doubt they rose up early to observe The rite of May; and, hearing our intent, Came here in grace of our solemnity. - But speak, Egeus; is not this the day That Hermia should give answer of her choice? EGEUS It is, my lord. THESEUS Go, bid the huntsmen wake them with their horns. [Horns, and shout within. DEMETRIUS, LYSANDER,HERMIA, and HELENA awake and start up.] Good-morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past; Begin these wood-birds but to couple now? LYSANDER Pardon, my lord. [He and the rest kneel to THESEUS.] THESEUS I pray you all, stand up. I know you two are rival enemies; How comes this gentle concord in the world, That hatred is so far from jealousy To sleep by hate, and fear no enmity? LYSANDER My lord, I shall reply amazedly, Half 'sleep, half waking; but as yet, I swear, I cannot truly say how I came here: But, as I think, - for truly would I speak - And now I do bethink me, so it is, - I came with Hermia hither: our intent Was to be gone from Athens, where we might be, Without the peril of the Athenian law. EGEUS Enough, enough, my lord; you have enough; I beg the law, the law upon his head. - They would have stol'n away, they would, Demetrius, Thereby to have defeated you and me: You of your wife, and me of my consent, - Of my consent that she should be your wife. DEMETRIUS My lord, fair Helen told me of their stealth, Of this their purpose hither to this wood; And I in fury hither follow'd them, Fair Helena in fancy following me. But, my good lord, I wot not by what power, - But by some power it is, - my love to Hermia, Melted as the snow - seems to me now As the remembrance of an idle gawd Which in my childhood I did dote upon: And all the faith, the virtue of my heart, The object and the pleasure of mine eye, Is only Helena. To her, my lord, Was I betroth'd ere I saw Hermia: But, like a sickness, did I loathe this food; But, as in health, come to my natural taste, Now I do wish it, love it, long for it, And will for evermore be true to it. THESEUS Fair lovers, you are fortunately met: Of this discourse we more will hear anon. - Egeus, I will overbear your will; For in the temple, by and by with us, These couples shall eternally be knit. And, for the morning now is something worn, Our purpos'd hunting shall be set aside. - Away with us to Athens, three and three, We'll hold a feast in great solemnity. - Come, Hippolyta. [Exeunt THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, EGEUS, and Train.] DEMETRIUS These things seem small and undistinguishable, Like far-off mountains turned into clouds. HERMIA Methinks I see these things with parted eye, When every thing seems double. HELENA So methinks: And I have found Demetrius like a jewel. Mine own, and not mine own. DEMETRIUS It seems to me That yet we sleep, we dream. - Do not you think The duke was here, and bid us follow him? HERMIA Yea, and my father. HELENA And Hippolyta. LYSANDER And he did bid us follow to the temple. DEMETRIUS Why, then, we are awake: let's follow him; And by the way let us recount our dreams. [Exeunt.] [As they go out, BOTTOM awakes.] BOTTOM When my cue comes, call me, and I will answer. My next is 'Most fair Pyramus.' - Heigh-ho! - Peter Quince! Flute, the bellows-mender! Snout, the tinker! Starveling! God's my life, stol'n hence, and left me asleep! I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream - past the wit of man to say what dream it was. - Man is but an ass if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was - there is no man can tell what. Methought I was, and methought I had, - but man is but a patched fool, if he will offer to say what methought I had. The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen; man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream was. I will get Peter Quince to write a ballad of this dream: it shall be called Bottom's Dream, because it hath no bottom; and I will sing it in the latter end of a play, before the duke: peradventure, to make it the more gracious, I shall sing it at her death. [Exit.] SCENE II. Athens. A Room in QUINCE'S House. [Enter QUINCE, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING.] QUINCE Have you sent to Bottom's house? is he come home yet? STARVELING He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt, he is transported. FLUTE If he come not, then the play is marred; it goes not forward, doth it? QUINCE It is not possible: you have not a man in all Athens able to discharge Pyramus but he. FLUTE No; he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft man in Athens. QUINCE Yea, and the best person too: and he is a very paramour for a sweet voice. FLUTE You must say paragon: a paramour is, God bless us, a thing of naught. [Enter SNUG.] SNUG Masters, the duke is coming from the temple; and there is two or three lords and ladies more married: if our sport had gone forward, we had all been made men. FLUTE O sweet bully Bottom! Thus hath he lost sixpence a day during his life; he could not have 'scaped sixpence a-day; an the duke had not given him sixpence a-day for playing Pyramus, I'll be hanged; he would have deserved it: sixpence a-day in Pyramus, or nothing. [Enter BOTTOM.] BOTTOM Where are these lads? where are these hearts? QUINCE Bottom! - O most courageous day! O most happy hour! BOTTOM Masters, I am to discourse wonders: but ask me not what; for if I tell you, I am not true Athenian. I will tell you everything, right as it fell out. QUINCE Let us hear, sweet Bottom. BOTTOM Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is, that the duke hath dined. Get your apparel together; good strings to your beards, new ribbons to your pumps; meet presently at the palace; every man look over his part; for the short and the long is, our play is preferred. In any case, let Thisby have clean linen; and let not him that plays the lion pare his nails, for they shall hang out for the lion's claws. And, most dear actors, eat no onions nor garlick, for we are to utter sweet breath; and I do not doubt but to hear them say it is a sweet comedy. No more words: away! go; away! [Exeunt.] ACT V SCENE I. Athens. An Apartment in the Palace of THESEUS. [Enter THESEUS, HIPPOLYTA, PHILOSTRATE, Lords, and Attendants.] HIPPOLYTA 'Tis strange, my Theseus, that these lovers speak of. THESEUS More strange than true. I never may believe These antique fables, nor these fairy toys. Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend More than cool reason ever comprehends. The lunatic, the lover, and the poet Are of imagination all compact: One sees more devils than vast hell can hold; That is the madman: the lover, all as frantic, Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt: The poet's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling, Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven; And as imagination bodies forth The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen Turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name. Such tricks hath strong imagination, That, if it would but apprehend some joy, It comprehends some bringer of that joy; Or in the night, imagining some fear, How easy is a bush supposed a bear? HIPPOLYTA But all the story of the night told over, And all their minds transfigur'd so together, More witnesseth than fancy's images, And grows to something of great constancy; But, howsoever, strange and admirable. [Enter LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HERMIA, and HELENA.] THESEUS Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth. - Joy, gentle friends! joy and fresh days of love Accompany your hearts! LYSANDER More than to us Wait in your royal walks, your board, your bed! THESEUS Come now; what masques, what dances shall we have, To wear away this long age of three hours Between our after-supper and bed-time? Where is our usual manager of mirth? What revels are in hand? Is there no play To ease the anguish of a torturing hour? Call Philostrate. PHILOSTRATE Here, mighty Theseus. THESEUS Say, what abridgment have you for this evening? What masque? what music? How shall we beguile The lazy time, if not with some delight? PHILOSTRATE There is a brief how many sports are ripe; Make choice of which your highness will see first. [Giving a paper.] THESEUS [Reads.] 'The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung By an Athenian eunuch to the harp.' We'll none of that: that have I told my love, In glory of my kinsman Hercules. 'The riot of the tipsy Bacchanals, Tearing the Thracian singer in their rage.' That is an old device, and it was play'd When I from Thebes came last a conqueror. 'The thrice three Muses mourning for the death Of learning, late deceas'd in beggary.' That is some satire, keen and critical, Not sorting with a nuptial ceremony. 'A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus And his love Thisbe; very tragical mirth.' Merry and tragical! tedious and brief! That is hot ice and wondrous strange snow. How shall we find the concord of this discord? PHILOSTRATE A play there is, my lord, some ten words long, Which is as brief as I have known a play; But by ten words, my lord, it is too long, Which makes it tedious: for in all the play There is not one word apt, one player fitted: And tragical, my noble lord, it is; For Pyramus therein doth kill himself: Which when I saw rehears'd, I must confess, Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears The passion of loud laughter never shed. THESEUS What are they that do play it? PHILOSTRATE Hard-handed men that work in Athens here, Which never labour'd in their minds till now; And now have toil'd their unbreath'd memories With this same play against your nuptial. THESEUS And we will hear it. PHILOSTRATE No, my noble lord, It is not for you: I have heard it over, And it is nothing, nothing in the world; Unless you can find sport in their intents, Extremely stretch'd and conn'd with cruel pain, To do you service. THESEUS I will hear that play; For never anything can be amiss When simpleness and duty tender it. Go, bring them in: and take your places, ladies. [Exit PHILOSTRATE.] HIPPOLYTA I love not to see wretchedness o'er-charged, And duty in his service perishing. THESEUS Why, gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing. HIPPOLYTA He says they can do nothing in this kind. THESEUS The kinder we, to give them thanks for nothing. Our sport shall be to take what they mistake: And what poor duty cannot do, Noble respect takes it in might, not merit. Where I have come, great clerks have purposed To greet me with premeditated welcomes; Where I have seen them shiver and look pale, Make periods in the midst of sentences, Throttle their practis'd accent in their fears, And, in conclusion, dumbly have broke off, Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet, Out of this silence yet I pick'd a welcome; And in the modesty of fearful duty I read as much as from the rattling tongue Of saucy and audacious eloquence. Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity In least speak most to my capacity. [Enter PHILOSTRATE.] PHILOSTRATE So please your grace, the prologue is address'd. THESEUS Let him approach. [Flourish of trumpets. Enter PROLOGUE.] PROLOGUE 'If we offend, it is with our good will. That you should think, we come not to offend, But with good will. To show our simple skill, That is the true beginning of our end. Consider then, we come but in despite. We do not come, as minding to content you, Our true intent is. All for your delight We are not here. That you should here repent you, The actors are at hand: and, by their show, You shall know all that you are like to know,' THESEUS This fellow doth not stand upon points. LYSANDER He hath rid his prologue like a rough colt; he knows not the stop. A good moral, my lord: it is not enough to speak, but to speak true. HIPPOLYTA Indeed he hath played on this prologue like a child on a recorder; a sound, but not in government. THESEUS His speech was like a tangled chain; nothing impaired, but all disordered. Who is next? [Enter PYRAMUS and THISBE, WALL, MOONSHINE, and LION, as in dumb show.] PROLOGUE Gentles, perchance you wonder at this show; But wonder on, till truth make all things plain. This man is Pyramus, if you would know; This beauteous lady Thisby is certain. This man, with lime and rough-cast, doth present Wall, that vile Wall which did these lovers sunder; And through Wall's chink, poor souls, they are content To whisper, at the which let no man wonder. This man, with lanthorn, dog, and bush of thorn, Presenteth Moonshine: for, if you will know, By moonshine did these lovers think no scorn To meet at Ninus' tomb, there, there to woo. This grisly beast, which by name Lion hight, The trusty Thisby, coming first by night, Did scare away, or rather did affright; And as she fled, her mantle she did fall; Which Lion vile with bloody mouth did stain: Anon comes Pyramus, sweet youth, and tall, And finds his trusty Thisby's mantle slain; Whereat with blade, with bloody blameful blade, He bravely broach'd his boiling bloody breast; And Thisby, tarrying in mulberry shade, His dagger drew, and died. For all the rest, Let Lion, Moonshine, Wall, and lovers twain, At large discourse while here they do remain. [Exeunt PROLOGUE, THISBE, LION, and MOONSHINE.] THESEUS I wonder if the lion be to speak. DEMETRIUS No wonder, my lord: one lion may, when many asses do. WALL In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall: And such a wall as I would have you think That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast, and this stone, doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper. THESEUS Would you desire lime and hair to speak better? DEMETRIUS It is the wittiest partition that ever I heard discourse, my lord. THESEUS Pyramus draws near the wall; silence. [Enter PYRAMUS.] PYRAMUS O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black! O night, which ever art when day is not! O night, O night, alack, alack, alack, I fear my Thisby's promise is forgot! - And thou, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall, That stand'st between her father's ground and mine; Thou wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall, Show me thy chink, to blink through with mine eyne. [WALL holds up his fingers.] Thanks, courteous wall: Jove shield thee well for this! But what see what see I? No Thisby do I see. O wicked wall, through whom I see no bliss, Curs'd be thy stones for thus deceiving me! THESEUS The wall, methinks, being sensible, should curse again. PYRAMUS No, in truth, sir, he should not. 'Deceiving me' is Thisby's cue: she is to enter now, and I am to spy her through the wall. You shall see it will fall pat as I told you. - Yonder she comes. [Enter THISBE.] THISBE O wall, full often hast thou heard my moans, For parting my fair Pyramus and me: My cherry lips have often kiss'd thy stones: Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee. PYRAMUS I see a voice; now will I to the chink, To spy an I can hear my Thisby's face. Thisby! THISBE My love! thou art my love, I think. PYRAMUS Think what thou wilt, I am thy lover's grace; And like Limander am I trusty still. THISBE And I like Helen, till the fates me kill. PYRAMUS Not Shafalus to Procrus was so true. THISBE As Shafalus to Procrus, I to you. PYRAMUS O, kiss me through the hole of this vile wall. THISBE I kiss the wall's hole, not your lips at all. PYRAMUS Wilt thou at Ninny's tomb meet me straightway? THISBE 'Tide life, 'tide death, I come without delay. WALL Thus have I, wall, my part discharged so; And, being done, thus Wall away doth go. [Exeunt WALL, PYRAMUS and THISBE.] THESEUS Now is the mural down between the two neighbours. DEMETRIUS No remedy, my lord, when walls are so wilful to hear without warning. HIPPOLYTA This is the silliest stuff that ever I heard. THESEUS The best in this kind are but shadows; and the worst are no worse, if imagination amend them. HIPPOLYTA It must be your imagination then, and not theirs. THESEUS If we imagine no worse of them than they of themselves, they may pass for excellent men. Here come two noble beasts in, a moon and a lion. [Enter LION and MOONSHINE.] LION You, ladies, you, whose gentle hearts do fear The smallest monstrous mouse that creeps on floor, May now, perchance, both quake and tremble here, When lion rough in wildest rage doth roar. Then know that I, one Snug the joiner, am A lion fell, nor else no lion's dam: For, if I should as lion come in strife Into this place, 'twere pity on my life. THESEUS A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience. DEMETRIUS The very best at a beast, my lord, that e'er I saw. LYSANDER This lion is a very fox for his valour. THESEUS True; and a goose for his discretion. DEMETRIUS Not so, my lord; for his valour cannot carry his discretion, and the fox carries the goose. THESEUS His discretion, I am sure, cannot carry his valour; for the goose carries not the fox. It is well; leave it to his discretion, and let us listen to the moon. MOONSHINE This lanthorn doth the horned moon present: DEMETRIUS He should have worn the horns on his head. THESEUS He is no crescent, and his horns are invisible within the circumference. MOONSHINE This lanthorn doth the horned moon present; Myself the man i' the moon do seem to be. THESEUS This is the greatest error of all the rest: the man should be put into the lantern. How is it else the man i' the moon? DEMETRIUS He dares not come there for the candle: for, you see, it is already in snuff. HIPPOLYTA I am aweary of this moon: would he would change! THESEUS It appears, by his small light of discretion, that he is in the wane: but yet, in courtesy, in all reason, we must stay the time. LYSANDER Proceed, moon. MOON All that I have to say, is to tell you that the lantern is the moon; I, the man i' the moon; this thorn-bush, my thorn-bush; and this dog, my dog. DEMETRIUS Why, all these should be in the lantern; for all these are in the moon. But silence; here comes Thisbe. [Enter THISBE.] THISBE This is old Ninny's tomb. Where is my love? LION Oh! [The LION roars. - THISBE runs off.] DEMETRIUS Well roared, lion. THESEUS Well run, Thisbe. HIPPOLYTA Well shone, moon. - Truly, the moon shines with a good grace. [The LION tears THISBE'S Mantle, and exit.] THESEUS Well moused, lion. DEMETRIUS And so comes Pyramus. LYSANDER And then the lion vanishes. [Enter PYRAMUS.] PYRAMUS Sweet moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams; I thank thee, moon, for shining now so bright: For, by thy gracious golden, glittering streams, I trust to take of truest Thisby's sight. But stay; - O spite! But mark, - poor knight, What dreadful dole is here! Eyes, do you see? How can it be? O dainty duck! O dear! Thy mantle good, What! stained with blood? Approach, ye furies fell! O fates! come, come; Cut thread and thrum; Quail, rush, conclude, and quell! THESEUS This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would go near to make a man look sad. HIPPOLYTA Beshrew my heart, but I pity the man. PYRAMUS O wherefore, nature, didst thou lions frame? Since lion vile hath here deflower'd my dear; Which is - no, no - which was the fairest dame That liv'd, that lov'd, that lik'd, that look'd with cheer. Come, tears, confound; Out, sword, and wound The pap of Pyramus: Ay, that left pap, Where heart doth hop: - Thus die I, thus, thus, thus. Now am I dead, Now am I fled; My soul is in the sky: Tongue, lose thy light! Moon, take thy flight! Now die, die, die, die, die. [Dies. Exit MOONSHINE.] DEMETRIUS No die, but an ace, for him; for he is but one. LYSANDER Less than an ace, man; for he is dead; he is nothing. THESEUS With the help of a surgeon he might yet recover and prove an ass. HIPPOLYTA How chance moonshine is gone before Thisbe comes back and finds her lover? THESEUS She will find him by starlight. - Here she comes; and her passion ends the play. [Enter THISBE.] HIPPOLYTA Methinks she should not use a long one for such a Pyramus: I hope she will be brief. DEMETRIUS A mote will turn the balance, which Pyramus, which Thisbe, is the better. LYSANDER She hath spied him already with those sweet eyes. DEMETRIUS And thus she moans, videlicet. - THISBE Asleep, my love? What, dead, my dove? O Pyramus, arise, Speak, speak. Quite dumb? Dead, dead? A tomb Must cover thy sweet eyes. These lily lips, This cherry nose, These yellow cowslip cheeks, Are gone, are gone: Lovers, make moan! His eyes were green as leeks. O Sisters Three, Come, come to me, With hands as pale as milk; Lay them in gore, Since you have shore With shears his thread of silk. Tongue, not a word: - Come, trusty sword; Come, blade, my breast imbrue; And farewell, friends: - Thus Thisbe ends; Adieu, adieu, adieu. [Dies.] THESEUS Moonshine and lion are left to bury the dead. DEMETRIUS Ay, and wall too. BOTTOM No, I assure you; the wall is down that parted their fathers. Will it please you to see the epilogue, or to hear a Bergomask dance between two of our company? THESEUS No epilogue, I pray you; for your play needs no excuse. Never excuse; for when the players are all dead there need none to be blamed. Marry, if he that writ it had played Pyramus, and hang'd himself in Thisbe's garter, it would have been a fine tragedy: and so it is, truly; and very notably discharged. But come, your Bergomask; let your epilogue alone. [Here a dance of Clowns.] The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve: - Lovers, to bed; 'tis almost fairy time. I fear we shall out-sleep the coming morn, As much as we this night have overwatch'd. This palpable-gross play hath well beguil'd The heavy gait of night. - Sweet friends, to bed. - A fortnight hold we this solemnity, In nightly revels and new jollity. [Exeunt.] SCENE II [Enter PUCK.] PUCK Now the hungry lion roars, And the wolf behowls the moon; Whilst the heavy ploughman snores, All with weary task fordone. Now the wasted brands do glow, Whilst the scritch-owl, scritching loud, Puts the wretch that lies in woe In remembrance of a shroud. Now it is the time of night That the graves, all gaping wide, Every one lets forth its sprite, In the church-way paths to glide: And we fairies, that do run By the triple Hecate's team From the presence of the sun, Following darkness like a dream, Now are frolic; not a mouse Shall disturb this hallow'd house: I am sent with broom before, To sweep the dust behind the door. [Enter OBERON and TITANIA, with their Train.] OBERON Through the house give glimmering light, By the dead and drowsy fire: Every elf and fairy sprite Hop as light as bird from brier: And this ditty, after me, Sing and dance it trippingly. TITANIA First, rehearse your song by rote, To each word a warbling note; Hand in hand, with fairy grace, Will we sing, and bless this place. [Song and Dance.] OBERON Now, until the break of day, Through this house each fairy stray, To the best bride-bed will we, Which by us shall blessed be; And the issue there create Ever shall be fortunate. So shall all the couples three Ever true in loving be; And the blots of Nature's hand Shall not in their issue stand: Never mole, hare-lip, nor scar, Nor mark prodigious, such as are Despised in nativity, Shall upon their children be. - With this field-dew consecrate, Every fairy take his gate; And each several chamber bless, Through this palace, with sweet peace; E'er shall it in safety rest, And the owner of it blest. Trip away: Make no stay: Meet me all by break of day. [Exeunt OBERON, TITANIA, and Train.] PUCK If we shadows have offended, Think but this, - and all is mended, - A That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream, Gentles, do not reprehend; If you pardon, we will mend. And, as I am an honest Puck, If we have unearned luck Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, We will make amends ere long; Else the Puck a liar call: So, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, And Robin shall restore amends. [Exit.] Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-james-joyce-ulysses-4/

James Joyce Ulysses ULYSSES ULYSSES   by James Joyce Contents — I — Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned: — Introibo ad altare Dei . Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called out coarsely: —Come up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit! Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding land and the awaking mountains. Then, catching sight of Stephen Dedalus, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Stephen Dedalus, displeased and sleepy, leaned his arms on the top of the staircase and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale oak. Buck Mulligan peeped an instant under the mirror and then covered the bowl smartly. —Back to barracks! he said sternly. He added in a preacher's tone: —For this, O dearly beloved, is the genuine Christine: body and soul and blood and ouns. Slow music, please. Shut your eyes, gents. One moment. A little trouble about those white corpuscles. Silence, all. He peered sideways up and gave a long slow whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm. —Thanks, old chap, he cried briskly. That will do nicely. Switch off the current, will you? He skipped off the gunrest and looked gravely at his watcher, gathering about his legs the loose folds of his gown. The plump shadowed face and sullen oval jowl recalled a prelate, patron of arts in the middle ages. A pleasant smile broke quietly over his lips. —The mockery of it! he said gaily. Your absurd name, an ancient Greek! He pointed his finger in friendly jest and went over to the parapet, laughing to himself. Stephen Dedalus stepped up, followed him wearily halfway and sat down on the edge of the gunrest, watching him still as he propped his mirror on the parapet, dipped the brush in the bowl and lathered cheeks and neck. Buck Mulligan's gay voice went on. —My name is absurd too: Malachi Mulligan, two dactyls. But it has a Hellenic ring, hasn't it? Tripping and sunny like the buck himself. We must go to Athens. Will you come if I can get the aunt to fork out twenty quid? He laid the brush aside and, laughing with delight, cried: —Will he come? The jejune jesuit! Ceasing, he began to shave with care. —Tell me, Mulligan, Stephen said quietly. —Yes, my love? —How long is Haines going to stay in this tower? Buck Mulligan showed a shaven cheek over his right shoulder. —God, isn't he dreadful? he said frankly. A ponderous Saxon. He thinks you're not a gentleman. God, these bloody English! Bursting with money and indigestion. Because he comes from Oxford. You know, Dedalus, you have the real Oxford manner. He can't make you out. O, my name for you is the best: Kinch, the knife-blade. He shaved warily over his chin. —He was raving all night about a black panther, Stephen said. Where is his guncase? —A woful lunatic! Mulligan said. Were you in a funk? —I was, Stephen said with energy and growing fear. Out here in the dark with a man I don't know raving and moaning to himself about shooting a black panther. You saved men from drowning. I'm not a hero, however. If he stays on here I am off. Buck Mulligan frowned at the lather on his razorblade. He hopped down from his perch and began to search his trouser pockets hastily. —Scutter! he cried thickly. He came over to the gunrest and, thrusting a hand into Stephen's upper pocket, said: —Lend us a loan of your noserag to wipe my razor. Stephen suffered him to pull out and hold up on show by its corner a dirty crumpled handkerchief. Buck Mulligan wiped the razorblade neatly. Then, gazing over the handkerchief, he said: —The bard's noserag! A new art colour for our Irish poets: snotgreen. You can almost taste it, can't you? He mounted to the parapet again and gazed out over Dublin bay, his fair oakpale hair stirring slightly. —God! he said quietly. Isn't the sea what Algy calls it: a grey sweet mother? The snotgreen sea. The scrotumtightening sea. Epi oinopa ponton . Ah, Dedalus, the Greeks! I must teach you. You must read them in the original. Thalatta! Thalatta ! She is our great sweet mother. Come and look. Stephen stood up and went over to the parapet. Leaning on it he looked down on the water and on the mailboat clearing the harbourmouth of Kingstown. —Our mighty mother! Buck Mulligan said. He turned abruptly his grey searching eyes from the sea to Stephen's face. —The aunt thinks you killed your mother, he said. That's why she won't let me have anything to do with you. —Someone killed her, Stephen said gloomily. —You could have knelt down, damn it, Kinch, when your dying mother asked you, Buck Mulligan said. I'm hyperborean as much as you. But to think of your mother begging you with her last breath to kneel down and pray for her. And you refused. There is something sinister in you... He broke off and lathered again lightly his farther cheek. A tolerant smile curled his lips. —But a lovely mummer! he murmured to himself. Kinch, the loveliest mummer of them all! He shaved evenly and with care, in silence, seriously. Stephen, an elbow rested on the jagged granite, leaned his palm against his brow and gazed at the fraying edge of his shiny black coat-sleeve. Pain, that was not yet the pain of love, fretted his heart. Silently, in a dream she had come to him after her death, her wasted body within its loose brown graveclothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath, that had bent upon him, mute, reproachful, a faint odour of wetted ashes. Across the threadbare cuffedge he saw the sea hailed as a great sweet mother by the wellfed voice beside him. The ring of bay and skyline held a dull green mass of liquid. A bowl of white china had stood beside her deathbed holding the green sluggish bile which she had torn up from her rotting liver by fits of loud groaning vomiting. Buck Mulligan wiped again his razorblade. —Ah, poor dogsbody! he said in a kind voice. I must give you a shirt and a few noserags. How are the secondhand breeks? —They fit well enough, Stephen answered. Buck Mulligan attacked the hollow beneath his underlip. —The mockery of it, he said contentedly. Secondleg they should be. God knows what poxy bowsy left them off. I have a lovely pair with a hair stripe, grey. You'll look spiffing in them. I'm not joking, Kinch. You look damn well when you're dressed. —Thanks, Stephen said. I can't wear them if they are grey. —He can't wear them, Buck Mulligan told his face in the mirror. Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers. He folded his razor neatly and with stroking palps of fingers felt the smooth skin. Stephen turned his gaze from the sea and to the plump face with its smokeblue mobile eyes. —That fellow I was with in the Ship last night, said Buck Mulligan, says you have g.p.i. He's up in Dottyville with Connolly Norman. General paralysis of the insane! He swept the mirror a half circle in the air to flash the tidings abroad in sunlight now radiant on the sea. His curling shaven lips laughed and the edges of his white glittering teeth. Laughter seized all his strong wellknit trunk. —Look at yourself, he said, you dreadful bard! Stephen bent forward and peered at the mirror held out to him, cleft by a crooked crack. Hair on end. As he and others see me. Who chose this face for me? This dogsbody to rid of vermin. It asks me too. —I pinched it out of the skivvy's room, Buck Mulligan said. It does her all right. The aunt always keeps plainlooking servants for Malachi. Lead him not into temptation. And her name is Ursula. Laughing again, he brought the mirror away from Stephen's peering eyes. —The rage of Caliban at not seeing his face in a mirror, he said. If Wilde were only alive to see you! Drawing back and pointing, Stephen said with bitterness: —It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. Buck Mulligan suddenly linked his arm in Stephen's and walked with him round the tower, his razor and mirror clacking in the pocket where he had thrust them. —It's not fair to tease you like that, Kinch, is it? he said kindly. God knows you have more spirit than any of them. Parried again. He fears the lancet of my art as I fear that of his. The cold steelpen. —Cracked lookingglass of a servant! Tell that to the oxy chap downstairs and touch him for a guinea. He's stinking with money and thinks you're not a gentleman. His old fellow made his tin by selling jalap to Zulus or some bloody swindle or other. God, Kinch, if you and I could only work together we might do something for the island. Hellenise it. Cranly's arm. His arm. —And to think of your having to beg from these swine. I'm the only one that knows what you are. Why don't you trust me more? What have you up your nose against me? Is it Haines? If he makes any noise here I'll bring down Seymour and we'll give him a ragging worse than they gave Clive Kempthorpe. Young shouts of moneyed voices in Clive Kempthorpe's rooms. Palefaces: they hold their ribs with laughter, one clasping another. O, I shall expire! Break the news to her gently, Aubrey! I shall die! With slit ribbons of his shirt whipping the air he hops and hobbles round the table, with trousers down at heels, chased by Ades of Magdalen with the tailor's shears. A scared calf's face gilded with marmalade. I don't want to be debagged! Don't you play the giddy ox with me! Shouts from the open window startling evening in the quadrangle. A deaf gardener, aproned, masked with Matthew Arnold's face, pushes his mower on the sombre lawn watching narrowly the dancing motes of grasshalms. To ourselves... new paganism... omphalos. —Let him stay, Stephen said. There's nothing wrong with him except at night. —Then what is it? Buck Mulligan asked impatiently. Cough it up. I'm quite frank with you. What have you against me now? They halted, looking towards the blunt cape of Bray Head that lay on the water like the snout of a sleeping whale. Stephen freed his arm quietly. —Do you wish me to tell you? he asked. —Yes, what is it? Buck Mulligan answered. I don't remember anything. He looked in Stephen's face as he spoke. A light wind passed his brow, fanning softly his fair uncombed hair and stirring silver points of anxiety in his eyes. Stephen, depressed by his own voice, said: —Do you remember the first day I went to your house after my mother's death? Buck Mulligan frowned quickly and said: —What? Where? I can't remember anything. I remember only ideas and sensations. Why? What happened in the name of God? —You were making tea, Stephen said, and went across the landing to get more hot water. Your mother and some visitor came out of the drawingroom. She asked you who was in your room. —Yes? Buck Mulligan said. What did I say? I forget. —You said, Stephen answered, O, it's only Dedalus whose mother is beastly dead. A flush which made him seem younger and more engaging rose to Buck Mulligan's cheek. —Did I say that? he asked. Well? What harm is that? He shook his constraint from him nervously. —And what is death, he asked, your mother's or yours or my own? You saw only your mother die. I see them pop off every day in the Mater and Richmond and cut up into tripes in the dissectingroom. It's a beastly thing and nothing else. It simply doesn't matter. You wouldn't kneel down to pray for your mother on her deathbed when she asked you. Why? Because you have the cursed jesuit strain in you, only it's injected the wrong way. To me it's all a mockery and beastly. Her cerebral lobes are not functioning. She calls the doctor sir Peter Teazle and picks buttercups off the quilt. Humour her till it's over. You crossed her last wish in death and yet you sulk with me because I don't whinge like some hired mute from Lalouette's. Absurd! I suppose I did say it. I didn't mean to offend the memory of your mother. He had spoken himself into boldness. Stephen, shielding the gaping wounds which the words had left in his heart, said very coldly: —I am not thinking of the offence to my mother. —Of what then? Buck Mulligan asked. —Of the offence to me, Stephen answered. Buck Mulligan swung round on his heel. —O, an impossible person! he exclaimed. He walked off quickly round the parapet. Stephen stood at his post, gazing over the calm sea towards the headland. Sea and headland now grew dim. Pulses were beating in his eyes, veiling their sight, and he felt the fever of his cheeks. A voice within the tower called loudly: —Are you up there, Mulligan? —I'm coming, Buck Mulligan answered. He turned towards Stephen and said: —Look at the sea. What does it care about offences? Chuck Loyola, Kinch, and come on down. The Sassenach wants his morning rashers. His head halted again for a moment at the top of the staircase, level with the roof: —Don't mope over it all day, he said. I'm inconsequent. Give up the moody brooding. His head vanished but the drone of his descending voice boomed out of the stairhead: Woodshadows floated silently by through the morning peace from the stairhead seaward where he gazed. Inshore and farther out the mirror of water whitened, spurned by lightshod hurrying feet. White breast of the dim sea. The twining stresses, two by two. A hand plucking the harpstrings, merging their twining chords. Wavewhite wedded words shimmering on the dim tide. A cloud began to cover the sun slowly, wholly, shadowing the bay in deeper green. It lay beneath him, a bowl of bitter waters. Fergus' song: I sang it alone in the house, holding down the long dark chords. Her door was open: she wanted to hear my music. Silent with awe and pity I went to her bedside. She was crying in her wretched bed. For those words, Stephen: love's bitter mystery. Where now? Her secrets: old featherfans, tasselled dancecards, powdered with musk, a gaud of amber beads in her locked drawer. A birdcage hung in the sunny window of her house when she was a girl. She heard old Royce sing in the pantomime of Turko the Terrible and laughed with others when he sang: Phantasmal mirth, folded away: muskperfumed. And no more turn aside and brood. Folded away in the memory of nature with her toys. Memories beset his brooding brain. Her glass of water from the kitchen tap when she had approached the sacrament. A cored apple, filled with brown sugar, roasting for her at the hob on a dark autumn evening. Her shapely fingernails reddened by the blood of squashed lice from the children's shirts. In a dream, silently, she had come to him, her wasted body within its loose graveclothes giving off an odour of wax and rosewood, her breath, bent over him with mute secret words, a faint odour of wetted ashes. Her glazing eyes, staring out of death, to shake and bend my soul. On me alone. The ghostcandle to light her agony. Ghostly light on the tortured face. Her hoarse loud breath rattling in horror, while all prayed on their knees. Her eyes on me to strike me down. Liliata rutilantium te confessorum turma circumdet: iubilantium te virginum chorus excipiat. Ghoul! Chewer of corpses! No, mother! Let me be and let me live. —Kinch ahoy! Buck Mulligan's voice sang from within the tower. It came nearer up the staircase, calling again. Stephen, still trembling at his soul's cry, heard warm running sunlight and in the air behind him friendly words. —Dedalus, come down, like a good mosey. Breakfast is ready. Haines is apologising for waking us last night. It's all right. —I'm coming, Stephen said, turning. —Do, for Jesus' sake, Buck Mulligan said. For my sake and for all our sakes. His head disappeared and reappeared. —I told him your symbol of Irish art. He says it's very clever. Touch him for a quid, will you? A guinea, I mean. —I get paid this morning, Stephen said. —The school kip? Buck Mulligan said. How much? Four quid? Lend us one. —If you want it, Stephen said. —Four shining sovereigns, Buck Mulligan cried with delight. We'll have a glorious drunk to astonish the druidy druids. Four omnipotent sovereigns. He flung up his hands and tramped down the stone stairs, singing out of tune with a Cockney accent: Warm sunshine merrying over the sea. The nickel shavingbowl shone, forgotten, on the parapet. Why should I bring it down? Or leave it there all day, forgotten friendship? He went over to it, held it in his hands awhile, feeling its coolness, smelling the clammy slaver of the lather in which the brush was stuck. So I carried the boat of incense then at Clongowes. I am another now and yet the same. A servant too. A server of a servant. In the gloomy domed livingroom of the tower Buck Mulligan's gowned form moved briskly to and fro about the hearth, hiding and revealing its yellow glow. Two shafts of soft daylight fell across the flagged floor from the high barbacans: and at the meeting of their rays a cloud of coalsmoke and fumes of fried grease floated, turning. —We'll be choked, Buck Mulligan said. Haines, open that door, will you? Stephen laid the shavingbowl on the locker. A tall figure rose from the hammock where it had been sitting, went to the doorway and pulled open the inner doors. —Have you the key? a voice asked. —Dedalus has it, Buck Mulligan said. Janey Mack, I'm choked! He howled, without looking up from the fire: —Kinch! —It's in the lock, Stephen said, coming forward. The key scraped round harshly twice and, when the heavy door had been set ajar, welcome light and bright air entered. Haines stood at the doorway, looking out. Stephen haled his upended valise to the table and sat down to wait. Buck Mulligan tossed the fry on to the dish beside him. Then he carried the dish and a large teapot over to the table, set them down heavily and sighed with relief. —I'm melting, he said, as the candle remarked when... But, hush! Not a word more on that subject! Kinch, wake up! Bread, butter, honey. Haines, come in. The grub is ready. Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts. Where's the sugar? O, jay, there's no milk. Stephen fetched the loaf and the pot of honey and the buttercooler from the locker. Buck Mulligan sat down in a sudden pet. —What sort of a kip is this? he said. I told her to come after eight. —We can drink it black, Stephen said thirstily. There's a lemon in the locker. —O, damn you and your Paris fads! Buck Mulligan said. I want Sandycove milk. Haines came in from the doorway and said quietly: —That woman is coming up with the milk. —The blessings of God on you! Buck Mulligan cried, jumping up from his chair. Sit down. Pour out the tea there. The sugar is in the bag. Here, I can't go fumbling at the damned eggs. He hacked through the fry on the dish and slapped it out on three plates, saying: — In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti. Haines sat down to pour out the tea. —I'm giving you two lumps each, he said. But, I say, Mulligan, you do make strong tea, don't you? Buck Mulligan, hewing thick slices from the loaf, said in an old woman's wheedling voice: —When I makes tea I makes tea, as old mother Grogan said. And when I makes water I makes water. —By Jove, it is tea, Haines said. Buck Mulligan went on hewing and wheedling: — So I do, Mrs Cahill, says she. Begob, ma'am, says Mrs Cahill, God send you don't make them in the one pot. He lunged towards his messmates in turn a thick slice of bread, impaled on his knife. —That's folk, he said very earnestly, for your book, Haines. Five lines of text and ten pages of notes about the folk and the fishgods of Dundrum. Printed by the weird sisters in the year of the big wind. He turned to Stephen and asked in a fine puzzled voice, lifting his brows: —Can you recall, brother, is mother Grogan's tea and water pot spoken of in the Mabinogion or is it in the Upanishads? —I doubt it, said Stephen gravely. —Do you now? Buck Mulligan said in the same tone. Your reasons, pray? —I fancy, Stephen said as he ate, it did not exist in or out of the Mabinogion. Mother Grogan was, one imagines, a kinswoman of Mary Ann. Buck Mulligan's face smiled with delight. —Charming! he said in a finical sweet voice, showing his white teeth and blinking his eyes pleasantly. Do you think she was? Quite charming! Then, suddenly overclouding all his features, he growled in a hoarsened rasping voice as he hewed again vigorously at the loaf: He crammed his mouth with fry and munched and droned. The doorway was darkened by an entering form. —The milk, sir! —Come in, ma'am, Mulligan said. Kinch, get the jug. An old woman came forward and stood by Stephen's elbow. —That's a lovely morning, sir, she said. Glory be to God. —To whom? Mulligan said, glancing at her. Ah, to be sure! Stephen reached back and took the milkjug from the locker. —The islanders, Mulligan said to Haines casually, speak frequently of the collector of prepuces. —How much, sir? asked the old woman. —A quart, Stephen said. He watched her pour into the measure and thence into the jug rich white milk, not hers. Old shrunken paps. She poured again a measureful and a tilly. Old and secret she had entered from a morning world, maybe a messenger. She praised the goodness of the milk, pouring it out. Crouching by a patient cow at daybreak in the lush field, a witch on her toadstool, her wrinkled fingers quick at the squirting dugs. They lowed about her whom they knew, dewsilky cattle. Silk of the kine and poor old woman, names given her in old times. A wandering crone, lowly form of an immortal serving her conqueror and her gay betrayer, their common cuckquean, a messenger from the secret morning. To serve or to upbraid, whether he could not tell: but scorned to beg her favour. —It is indeed, ma'am, Buck Mulligan said, pouring milk into their cups. —Taste it, sir, she said. He drank at her bidding. —If we could live on good food like that, he said to her somewhat loudly, we wouldn't have the country full of rotten teeth and rotten guts. Living in a bogswamp, eating cheap food and the streets paved with dust, horsedung and consumptives' spits. —Are you a medical student, sir? the old woman asked. —I am, ma'am, Buck Mulligan answered. —Look at that now, she said. Stephen listened in scornful silence. She bows her old head to a voice that speaks to her loudly, her bonesetter, her medicineman: me she slights. To the voice that will shrive and oil for the grave all there is of her but her woman's unclean loins, of man's flesh made not in God's likeness, the serpent's prey. And to the loud voice that now bids her be silent with wondering unsteady eyes. —Do you understand what he says? Stephen asked her. —Is it French you are talking, sir? the old woman said to Haines. Haines spoke to her again a longer speech, confidently. —Irish, Buck Mulligan said. Is there Gaelic on you? —I thought it was Irish, she said, by the sound of it. Are you from the west, sir? —I am an Englishman, Haines answered. —He's English, Buck Mulligan said, and he thinks we ought to speak Irish in Ireland. —Sure we ought to, the old woman said, and I'm ashamed I don't speak the language myself. I'm told it's a grand language by them that knows. —Grand is no name for it, said Buck Mulligan. Wonderful entirely. Fill us out some more tea, Kinch. Would you like a cup, ma'am? —No, thank you, sir, the old woman said, slipping the ring of the milkcan on her forearm and about to go. Haines said to her: —Have you your bill? We had better pay her, Mulligan, hadn't we? Stephen filled again the three cups. —Bill, sir? she said, halting. Well, it's seven mornings a pint at twopence is seven twos is a shilling and twopence over and these three mornings a quart at fourpence is three quarts is a shilling. That's a shilling and one and two is two and two, sir. Buck Mulligan sighed and, having filled his mouth with a crust thickly buttered on both sides, stretched forth his legs and began to search his trouser pockets. —Pay up and look pleasant, Haines said to him, smiling. Stephen filled a third cup, a spoonful of tea colouring faintly the thick rich milk. Buck Mulligan brought up a florin, twisted it round in his fingers and cried: —A miracle! He passed it along the table towards the old woman, saying: —Ask nothing more of me, sweet. All I can give you I give. Stephen laid the coin in her uneager hand. —We'll owe twopence, he said. —Time enough, sir, she said, taking the coin. Time enough. Good morning, sir. She curtseyed and went out, followed by Buck Mulligan's tender chant: He turned to Stephen and said: —Seriously, Dedalus. I'm stony. Hurry out to your school kip and bring us back some money. Today the bards must drink and junket. Ireland expects that every man this day will do his duty. —That reminds me, Haines said, rising, that I have to visit your national library today. —Our swim first, Buck Mulligan said. He turned to Stephen and asked blandly: —Is this the day for your monthly wash, Kinch? Then he said to Haines: —The unclean bard makes a point of washing once a month. —All Ireland is washed by the gulfstream, Stephen said as he let honey trickle over a slice of the loaf. Haines from the corner where he was knotting easily a scarf about the loose collar of his tennis shirt spoke: —I intend to make a collection of your sayings if you will let me. Speaking to me. They wash and tub and scrub. Agenbite of inwit. Conscience. Yet here's a spot. —That one about the cracked lookingglass of a servant being the symbol of Irish art is deuced good. Buck Mulligan kicked Stephen's foot under the table and said with warmth of tone: —Wait till you hear him on Hamlet, Haines. —Well, I mean it, Haines said, still speaking to Stephen. I was just thinking of it when that poor old creature came in. —Would I make any money by it? Stephen asked. Haines laughed and, as he took his soft grey hat from the holdfast of the hammock, said: —I don't know, I'm sure. He strolled out to the doorway. Buck Mulligan bent across to Stephen and said with coarse vigour: —You put your hoof in it now. What did you say that for? —Well? Stephen said. The problem is to get money. From whom? From the milkwoman or from him. It's a toss up, I think. —I blow him out about you, Buck Mulligan said, and then you come along with your lousy leer and your gloomy jesuit jibes. —I see little hope, Stephen said, from her or from him. Buck Mulligan sighed tragically and laid his hand on Stephen's arm. —From me, Kinch, he said. In a suddenly changed tone he added: —To tell you the God's truth I think you're right. Damn all else they are good for. Why don't you play them as I do? To hell with them all. Let us get out of the kip. He stood up, gravely ungirdled and disrobed himself of his gown, saying resignedly: —Mulligan is stripped of his garments. He emptied his pockets on to the table. —There's your snotrag, he said. And putting on his stiff collar and rebellious tie he spoke to them, chiding them, and to his dangling watchchain. His hands plunged and rummaged in his trunk while he called for a clean handkerchief. God, we'll simply have to dress the character. I want puce gloves and green boots. Contradiction. Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. Mercurial Malachi. A limp black missile flew out of his talking hands. —And there's your Latin quarter hat, he said. Stephen picked it up and put it on. Haines called to them from the doorway: —Are you coming, you fellows? —I'm ready, Buck Mulligan answered, going towards the door. Come out, Kinch. You have eaten all we left, I suppose. Resigned he passed out with grave words and gait, saying, wellnigh with sorrow: —And going forth he met Butterly. Stephen, taking his ashplant from its leaningplace, followed them out and, as they went down the ladder, pulled to the slow iron door and locked it. He put the huge key in his inner pocket. At the foot of the ladder Buck Mulligan asked: —Did you bring the key? —I have it, Stephen said, preceding them. He walked on. Behind him he heard Buck Mulligan club with his heavy bathtowel the leader shoots of ferns or grasses. —Down, sir! How dare you, sir! Haines asked: —Do you pay rent for this tower? —Twelve quid, Buck Mulligan said. —To the secretary of state for war, Stephen added over his shoulder. They halted while Haines surveyed the tower and said at last: —Rather bleak in wintertime, I should say. Martello you call it? —Billy Pitt had them built, Buck Mulligan said, when the French were on the sea. But ours is the omphalos . —What is your idea of Hamlet? Haines asked Stephen. —No, no, Buck Mulligan shouted in pain. I'm not equal to Thomas Aquinas and the fiftyfive reasons he has made out to prop it up. Wait till I have a few pints in me first. He turned to Stephen, saying, as he pulled down neatly the peaks of his primrose waistcoat: —You couldn't manage it under three pints, Kinch, could you? —It has waited so long, Stephen said listlessly, it can wait longer. —You pique my curiosity, Haines said amiably. Is it some paradox? —Pooh! Buck Mulligan said. We have grown out of Wilde and paradoxes. It's quite simple. He proves by algebra that Hamlet's grandson is Shakespeare's grandfather and that he himself is the ghost of his own father. —What? Haines said, beginning to point at Stephen. He himself? Buck Mulligan slung his towel stolewise round his neck and, bending in loose laughter, said to Stephen's ear: —O, shade of Kinch the elder! Japhet in search of a father! —We're always tired in the morning, Stephen said to Haines. And it is rather long to tell. Buck Mulligan, walking forward again, raised his hands. —The sacred pint alone can unbind the tongue of Dedalus, he said. —I mean to say, Haines explained to Stephen as they followed, this tower and these cliffs here remind me somehow of Elsinore. That beetles o'er his base into the sea, isn't it? Buck Mulligan turned suddenly for an instant towards Stephen but did not speak. In the bright silent instant Stephen saw his own image in cheap dusty mourning between their gay attires. —It's a wonderful tale, Haines said, bringing them to halt again. Eyes, pale as the sea the wind had freshened, paler, firm and prudent. The seas' ruler, he gazed southward over the bay, empty save for the smokeplume of the mailboat vague on the bright skyline and a sail tacking by the Muglins. —I read a theological interpretation of it somewhere, he said bemused. The Father and the Son idea. The Son striving to be atoned with the Father. Buck Mulligan at once put on a blithe broadly smiling face. He looked at them, his wellshaped mouth open happily, his eyes, from which he had suddenly withdrawn all shrewd sense, blinking with mad gaiety. He moved a doll's head to and fro, the brims of his Panama hat quivering, and began to chant in a quiet happy foolish voice: He held up a forefinger of warning. He tugged swiftly at Stephen's ashplant in farewell and, running forward to a brow of the cliff, fluttered his hands at his sides like fins or wings of one about to rise in the air, and chanted: He capered before them down towards the fortyfoot hole, fluttering his winglike hands, leaping nimbly, Mercury's hat quivering in the fresh wind that bore back to them his brief birdsweet cries. Haines, who had been laughing guardedly, walked on beside Stephen and said: —We oughtn't to laugh, I suppose. He's rather blasphemous. I'm not a believer myself, that is to say. Still his gaiety takes the harm out of it somehow, doesn't it? What did he call it? Joseph the Joiner? —The ballad of joking Jesus, Stephen answered. —O, Haines said, you have heard it before? —Three times a day, after meals, Stephen said drily. —You're not a believer, are you? Haines asked. I mean, a believer in the narrow sense of the word. Creation from nothing and miracles and a personal God. —There's only one sense of the word, it seems to me, Stephen said. Haines stopped to take out a smooth silver case in which twinkled a green stone. He sprang it open with his thumb and offered it. —Thank you, Stephen said, taking a cigarette. Haines helped himself and snapped the case to. He put it back in his sidepocket and took from his waistcoatpocket a nickel tinderbox, sprang it open too, and, having lit his cigarette, held the flaming spunk towards Stephen in the shell of his hands. —Yes, of course, he said, as they went on again. Either you believe or you don't, isn't it? Personally I couldn't stomach that idea of a personal God. You don't stand for that, I suppose? —You behold in me, Stephen said with grim displeasure, a horrible example of free thought. He walked on, waiting to be spoken to, trailing his ashplant by his side. Its ferrule followed lightly on the path, squealing at his heels. My familiar, after me, calling, Steeeeeeeeeeeephen! A wavering line along the path. They will walk on it tonight, coming here in the dark. He wants that key. It is mine. I paid the rent. Now I eat his salt bread. Give him the key too. All. He will ask for it. That was in his eyes. —After all, Haines began... Stephen turned and saw that the cold gaze which had measured him was not all unkind. —After all, I should think you are able to free yourself. You are your own master, it seems to me. —I am a servant of two masters, Stephen said, an English and an Italian. —Italian? Haines said. A crazy queen, old and jealous. Kneel down before me. —And a third, Stephen said, there is who wants me for odd jobs. —Italian? Haines said again. What do you mean? —The imperial British state, Stephen answered, his colour rising, and the holy Roman catholic and apostolic church. Haines detached from his underlip some fibres of tobacco before he spoke. —I can quite understand that, he said calmly. An Irishman must think like that, I daresay. We feel in England that we have treated you rather unfairly. It seems history is to blame. The proud potent titles clanged over Stephen's memory the triumph of their brazen bells: et unam sanctam catholicam et apostolicam ecclesiam: the slow growth and change of rite and dogma like his own rare thoughts, a chemistry of stars. Symbol of the apostles in the mass for pope Marcellus, the voices blended, singing alone loud in affirmation: and behind their chant the vigilant angel of the church militant disarmed and menaced her heresiarchs. A horde of heresies fleeing with mitres awry: Photius and the brood of mockers of whom Mulligan was one, and Arius, warring his life long upon the consubstantiality of the Son with the Father, and Valentine, spurning Christ's terrene body, and the subtle African heresiarch Sabellius who held that the Father was Himself His own Son. Words Mulligan had spoken a moment since in mockery to the stranger. Idle mockery. The void awaits surely all them that weave the wind: a menace, a disarming and a worsting from those embattled angels of the church, Michael's host, who defend her ever in the hour of conflict with their lances and their shields. Hear, hear! Prolonged applause. Zut! Nom de Dieu! —Of course I'm a Britisher, Haines's voice said, and I feel as one. I don't want to see my country fall into the hands of German jews either. That's our national problem, I'm afraid, just now. Two men stood at the verge of the cliff, watching: businessman, boatman. —She's making for Bullock harbour. The boatman nodded towards the north of the bay with some disdain. —There's five fathoms out there, he said. It'll be swept up that way when the tide comes in about one. It's nine days today. The man that was drowned. A sail veering about the blank bay waiting for a swollen bundle to bob up, roll over to the sun a puffy face, saltwhite. Here I am. They followed the winding path down to the creek. Buck Mulligan stood on a stone, in shirtsleeves, his unclipped tie rippling over his shoulder. A young man clinging to a spur of rock near him, moved slowly frogwise his green legs in the deep jelly of the water. —Is the brother with you, Malachi? —Down in Westmeath. With the Bannons. —Still there? I got a card from Bannon. Says he found a sweet young thing down there. Photo girl he calls her. —Snapshot, eh? Brief exposure. Buck Mulligan sat down to unlace his boots. An elderly man shot up near the spur of rock a blowing red face. He scrambled up by the stones, water glistening on his pate and on its garland of grey hair, water rilling over his chest and paunch and spilling jets out of his black sagging loincloth. Buck Mulligan made way for him to scramble past and, glancing at Haines and Stephen, crossed himself piously with his thumbnail at brow and lips and breastbone. —Seymour's back in town, the young man said, grasping again his spur of rock. Chucked medicine and going in for the army. —Ah, go to God! Buck Mulligan said. —Going over next week to stew. You know that red Carlisle girl, Lily? —Yes. —Spooning with him last night on the pier. The father is rotto with money. —Is she up the pole? —Better ask Seymour that. —Seymour a bleeding officer! Buck Mulligan said. He nodded to himself as he drew off his trousers and stood up, saying tritely: —Redheaded women buck like goats. He broke off in alarm, feeling his side under his flapping shirt. —My twelfth rib is gone, he cried. I'm the Uebermensch. Toothless Kinch and I, the supermen. He struggled out of his shirt and flung it behind him to where his clothes lay. —Are you going in here, Malachi? —Yes. Make room in the bed. The young man shoved himself backward through the water and reached the middle of the creek in two long clean strokes. Haines sat down on a stone, smoking. —Are you not coming in? Buck Mulligan asked. —Later on, Haines said. Not on my breakfast. Stephen turned away. —I'm going, Mulligan, he said. —Give us that key, Kinch, Buck Mulligan said, to keep my chemise flat. Stephen handed him the key. Buck Mulligan laid it across his heaped clothes. —And twopence, he said, for a pint. Throw it there. Stephen threw two pennies on the soft heap. Dressing, undressing. Buck Mulligan erect, with joined hands before him, said solemnly: —He who stealeth from the poor lendeth to the Lord. Thus spake Zarathustra. His plump body plunged. —We'll see you again, Haines said, turning as Stephen walked up the path and smiling at wild Irish. Horn of a bull, hoof of a horse, smile of a Saxon. —The Ship, Buck Mulligan cried. Half twelve. —Good, Stephen said. He walked along the upwardcurving path. The priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly. I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go. A voice, sweettoned and sustained, called to him from the sea. Turning the curve he waved his hand. It called again. A sleek brown head, a seal's, far out on the water, round. Usurper. —You, Cochrane, what city sent for him? —Tarentum, sir. —Very good. Well? —There was a battle, sir. —Very good. Where? The boy's blank face asked the blank window. Fabled by the daughters of memory. And yet it was in some way if not as memory fabled it. A phrase, then, of impatience, thud of Blake's wings of excess. I hear the ruin of all space, shattered glass and toppling masonry, and time one livid final flame. What's left us then? —I forget the place, sir. 279 B. C. —Asculum, Stephen said, glancing at the name and date in the gorescarred book. —Yes, sir. And he said: Another victory like that and we are done for. That phrase the world had remembered. A dull ease of the mind. From a hill above a corpsestrewn plain a general speaking to his officers, leaned upon his spear. Any general to any officers. They lend ear. —You, Armstrong, Stephen said. What was the end of Pyrrhus? —End of Pyrrhus, sir? —I know, sir. Ask me, sir, Comyn said. —Wait. You, Armstrong. Do you know anything about Pyrrhus? A bag of figrolls lay snugly in Armstrong's satchel. He curled them between his palms at whiles and swallowed them softly. Crumbs adhered to the tissue of his lips. A sweetened boy's breath. Welloff people, proud that their eldest son was in the navy. Vico road, Dalkey. —Pyrrhus, sir? Pyrrhus, a pier. All laughed. Mirthless high malicious laughter. Armstrong looked round at his classmates, silly glee in profile. In a moment they will laugh more loudly, aware of my lack of rule and of the fees their papas pay. —Tell me now, Stephen said, poking the boy's shoulder with the book, what is a pier. —A pier, sir, Armstrong said. A thing out in the water. A kind of a bridge. Kingstown pier, sir. Some laughed again: mirthless but with meaning. Two in the back bench whispered. Yes. They knew: had never learned nor ever been innocent. All. With envy he watched their faces: Edith, Ethel, Gerty, Lily. Their likes: their breaths, too, sweetened with tea and jam, their bracelets tittering in the struggle. —Kingstown pier, Stephen said. Yes, a disappointed bridge. The words troubled their gaze. —How, sir? Comyn asked. A bridge is across a river. For Haines's chapbook. No-one here to hear. Tonight deftly amid wild drink and talk, to pierce the polished mail of his mind. What then? A jester at the court of his master, indulged and disesteemed, winning a clement master's praise. Why had they chosen all that part? Not wholly for the smooth caress. For them too history was a tale like any other too often heard, their land a pawnshop. Had Pyrrhus not fallen by a beldam's hand in Argos or Julius Caesar not been knifed to death. They are not to be thought away. Time has branded them and fettered they are lodged in the room of the infinite possibilities they have ousted. But can those have been possible seeing that they never were? Or was that only possible which came to pass? Weave, weaver of the wind. —Tell us a story, sir. —O, do, sir. A ghoststory. —Where do you begin in this? Stephen asked, opening another book. - -Weep no more, Comyn said. —Go on then, Talbot. —And the story, sir? —After, Stephen said. Go on, Talbot. A swarthy boy opened a book and propped it nimbly under the breastwork of his satchel. He recited jerks of verse with odd glances at the text: It must be a movement then, an actuality of the possible as possible. Aristotle's phrase formed itself within the gabbled verses and floated out into the studious silence of the library of Saint Genevieve where he had read, sheltered from the sin of Paris, night by night. By his elbow a delicate Siamese conned a handbook of strategy. Fed and feeding brains about me: under glowlamps, impaled, with faintly beating feelers: and in my mind's darkness a sloth of the underworld, reluctant, shy of brightness, shifting her dragon scaly folds. Thought is the thought of thought. Tranquil brightness. The soul is in a manner all that is: the soul is the form of forms. Tranquility sudden, vast, candescent: form of forms. Talbot repeated: —Turn over, Stephen said quietly. I don't see anything. —What, sir? Talbot asked simply, bending forward. His hand turned the page over. He leaned back and went on again, having just remembered. Of him that walked the waves. Here also over these craven hearts his shadow lies and on the scoffer's heart and lips and on mine. It lies upon their eager faces who offered him a coin of the tribute. To Caesar what is Caesar's, to God what is God's. A long look from dark eyes, a riddling sentence to be woven and woven on the church's looms. Ay. Talbot slid his closed book into his satchel. —Have I heard all? Stephen asked. —Yes, sir. Hockey at ten, sir. —Half day, sir. Thursday. —Who can answer a riddle? Stephen asked. They bundled their books away, pencils clacking, pages rustling. Crowding together they strapped and buckled their satchels, all gabbling gaily: —A riddle, sir? Ask me, sir. —O, ask me, sir. —A hard one, sir. —This is the riddle, Stephen said: What is that? —What, sir? —Again, sir. We didn't hear. Their eyes grew bigger as the lines were repeated. After a silence Cochrane said: —What is it, sir? We give it up. Stephen, his throat itching, answered: —The fox burying his grandmother under a hollybush. He stood up and gave a shout of nervous laughter to which their cries echoed dismay. A stick struck the door and a voice in the corridor called: —Hockey! They broke asunder, sidling out of their benches, leaping them. Quickly they were gone and from the lumberroom came the rattle of sticks and clamour of their boots and tongues. Sargent who alone had lingered came forward slowly, showing an open copybook. His thick hair and scraggy neck gave witness of unreadiness and through his misty glasses weak eyes looked up pleading. On his cheek, dull and bloodless, a soft stain of ink lay, dateshaped, recent and damp as a snail's bed. He held out his copybook. The word Sums was written on the headline. Beneath were sloping figures and at the foot a crooked signature with blind loops and a blot. Cyril Sargent: his name and seal. —Mr Deasy told me to write them out all again, he said, and show them to you, sir. Stephen touched the edges of the book. Futility. —Do you understand how to do them now? he asked. —Numbers eleven to fifteen, Sargent answered. Mr Deasy said I was to copy them off the board, sir. —Can you do them yourself? Stephen asked. —No, sir. Ugly and futile: lean neck and thick hair and a stain of ink, a snail's bed. Yet someone had loved him, borne him in her arms and in her heart. But for her the race of the world would have trampled him underfoot, a squashed boneless snail. She had loved his weak watery blood drained from her own. Was that then real? The only true thing in life? His mother's prostrate body the fiery Columbanus in holy zeal bestrode. She was no more: the trembling skeleton of a twig burnt in the fire, an odour of rosewood and wetted ashes. She had saved him from being trampled underfoot and had gone, scarcely having been. A poor soul gone to heaven: and on a heath beneath winking stars a fox, red reek of rapine in his fur, with merciless bright eyes scraped in the earth, listened, scraped up the earth, listened, scraped and scraped. Sitting at his side Stephen solved out the problem. He proves by algebra that Shakespeare's ghost is Hamlet's grandfather. Sargent peered askance through his slanted glasses. Hockeysticks rattled in the lumberroom: the hollow knock of a ball and calls from the field. Across the page the symbols moved in grave morrice, in the mummery of their letters, wearing quaint caps of squares and cubes. Give hands, traverse, bow to partner: so: imps of fancy of the Moors. Gone too from the world, Averroes and Moses Maimonides, dark men in mien and movement, flashing in their mocking mirrors the obscure soul of the world, a darkness shining in brightness which brightness could not comprehend. —Do you understand now? Can you work the second for yourself? —Yes, sir. In long shaky strokes Sargent copied the data. Waiting always for a word of help his hand moved faithfully the unsteady symbols, a faint hue of shame flickering behind his dull skin. Amor matris: subjective and objective genitive. With her weak blood and wheysour milk she had fed him and hid from sight of others his swaddling bands. Like him was I, these sloping shoulders, this gracelessness. My childhood bends beside me. Too far for me to lay a hand there once or lightly. Mine is far and his secret as our eyes. Secrets, silent, stony sit in the dark palaces of both our hearts: secrets weary of their tyranny: tyrants, willing to be dethroned. The sum was done. —It is very simple, Stephen said as he stood up. —Yes, sir. Thanks, Sargent answered. He dried the page with a sheet of thin blottingpaper and carried his copybook back to his bench. —You had better get your stick and go out to the others, Stephen said as he followed towards the door the boy's graceless form. —Yes, sir. In the corridor his name was heard, called from the playfield. —Sargent! —Run on, Stephen said. Mr Deasy is calling you. He stood in the porch and watched the laggard hurry towards the scrappy field where sharp voices were in strife. They were sorted in teams and Mr Deasy came away stepping over wisps of grass with gaitered feet. When he had reached the schoolhouse voices again contending called to him. He turned his angry white moustache. —What is it now? he cried continually without listening. —Cochrane and Halliday are on the same side, sir, Stephen said. —Will you wait in my study for a moment, Mr Deasy said, till I restore order here. And as he stepped fussily back across the field his old man's voice cried sternly: —What is the matter? What is it now? Their sharp voices cried about him on all sides: their many forms closed round him, the garish sunshine bleaching the honey of his illdyed head. Stale smoky air hung in the study with the smell of drab abraded leather of its chairs. As on the first day he bargained with me here. As it was in the beginning, is now. On the sideboard the tray of Stuart coins, base treasure of a bog: and ever shall be. And snug in their spooncase of purple plush, faded, the twelve apostles having preached to all the gentiles: world without end. A hasty step over the stone porch and in the corridor. Blowing out his rare moustache Mr Deasy halted at the table. —First, our little financial settlement, he said. He brought out of his coat a pocketbook bound by a leather thong. It slapped open and he took from it two notes, one of joined halves, and laid them carefully on the table. —Two, he said, strapping and stowing his pocketbook away. And now his strongroom for the gold. Stephen's embarrassed hand moved over the shells heaped in the cold stone mortar: whelks and money cowries and leopard shells: and this, whorled as an emir's turban, and this, the scallop of saint James. An old pilgrim's hoard, dead treasure, hollow shells. A sovereign fell, bright and new, on the soft pile of the tablecloth. —Three, Mr Deasy said, turning his little savingsbox about in his hand. These are handy things to have. See. This is for sovereigns. This is for shillings. Sixpences, halfcrowns. And here crowns. See. He shot from it two crowns and two shillings. —Three twelve, he said. I think you'll find that's right. —Thank you, sir, Stephen said, gathering the money together with shy haste and putting it all in a pocket of his trousers. —No thanks at all, Mr Deasy said. You have earned it. Stephen's hand, free again, went back to the hollow shells. Symbols too of beauty and of power. A lump in my pocket: symbols soiled by greed and misery. —Don't carry it like that, Mr Deasy said. You'll pull it out somewhere and lose it. You just buy one of these machines. You'll find them very handy. Answer something. —Mine would be often empty, Stephen said. The same room and hour, the same wisdom: and I the same. Three times now. Three nooses round me here. Well? I can break them in this instant if I will. —Because you don't save, Mr Deasy said, pointing his finger. You don't know yet what money is. Money is power. When you have lived as long as I have. I know, I know. If youth but knew. But what does Shakespeare say? Put but money in thy purse. —Iago, Stephen murmured. He lifted his gaze from the idle shells to the old man's stare. —He knew what money was, Mr Deasy said. He made money. A poet, yes, but an Englishman too. Do you know what is the pride of the English? Do you know what is the proudest word you will ever hear from an Englishman's mouth? The seas' ruler. His seacold eyes looked on the empty bay: it seems history is to blame: on me and on my words, unhating. —That on his empire, Stephen said, the sun never sets. —Ba! Mr Deasy cried. That's not English. A French Celt said that. He tapped his savingsbox against his thumbnail. —I will tell you, he said solemnly, what is his proudest boast. I paid my way. Good man, good man. —I paid my way. I never borrowed a shilling in my life. Can you feel that? I owe nothing. Can you? Mulligan, nine pounds, three pairs of socks, one pair brogues, ties. Curran, ten guineas. McCann, one guinea. Fred Ryan, two shillings. Temple, two lunches. Russell, one guinea, Cousins, ten shillings, Bob Reynolds, half a guinea, Koehler, three guineas, Mrs MacKernan, five weeks' board. The lump I have is useless. —For the moment, no, Stephen answered. Mr Deasy laughed with rich delight, putting back his savingsbox. —I knew you couldn't, he said joyously. But one day you must feel it. We are a generous people but we must also be just. —I fear those big words, Stephen said, which make us so unhappy. Mr Deasy stared sternly for some moments over the mantelpiece at the shapely bulk of a man in tartan filibegs: Albert Edward, prince of Wales. —You think me an old fogey and an old tory, his thoughtful voice said. I saw three generations since O'Connell's time. I remember the famine in '46. Do you know that the orange lodges agitated for repeal of the union twenty years before O'Connell did or before the prelates of your communion denounced him as a demagogue? You fenians forget some things. Glorious, pious and immortal memory. The lodge of Diamond in Armagh the splendid behung with corpses of papishes. Hoarse, masked and armed, the planters' covenant. The black north and true blue bible. Croppies lie down. Stephen sketched a brief gesture. —I have rebel blood in me too, Mr Deasy said. On the spindle side. But I am descended from sir John Blackwood who voted for the union. We are all Irish, all kings' sons. —Alas, Stephen said. — Per vias rectas , Mr Deasy said firmly, was his motto. He voted for it and put on his topboots to ride to Dublin from the Ards of Down to do so. A gruff squire on horseback with shiny topboots. Soft day, sir John! Soft day, your honour!... Day!... Day!... Two topboots jog dangling on to Dublin. Lal the ral the ra. Lal the ral the raddy. —That reminds me, Mr Deasy said. You can do me a favour, Mr Dedalus, with some of your literary friends. I have a letter here for the press. Sit down a moment. I have just to copy the end. He went to the desk near the window, pulled in his chair twice and read off some words from the sheet on the drum of his typewriter. —Sit down. Excuse me, he said over his shoulder, the dictates of common sense. Just a moment. He peered from under his shaggy brows at the manuscript by his elbow and, muttering, began to prod the stiff buttons of the keyboard slowly, sometimes blowing as he screwed up the drum to erase an error. Stephen seated himself noiselessly before the princely presence. Framed around the walls images of vanished horses stood in homage, their meek heads poised in air: lord Hastings' Repulse, the duke of Westminster's Shotover, the duke of Beaufort's Ceylon, prix de Paris , 1866. Elfin riders sat them, watchful of a sign. He saw their speeds, backing king's colours, and shouted with the shouts of vanished crowds. —Full stop, Mr Deasy bade his keys. But prompt ventilation of this allimportant question... Where Cranly led me to get rich quick, hunting his winners among the mudsplashed brakes, amid the bawls of bookies on their pitches and reek of the canteen, over the motley slush. Fair Rebel! Fair Rebel! Even money the favourite: ten to one the field. Dicers and thimbleriggers we hurried by after the hoofs, the vying caps and jackets and past the meatfaced woman, a butcher's dame, nuzzling thirstily her clove of orange. Shouts rang shrill from the boys' playfield and a whirring whistle. Again: a goal. I am among them, among their battling bodies in a medley, the joust of life. You mean that knockkneed mother's darling who seems to be slightly crawsick? Jousts. Time shocked rebounds, shock by shock. Jousts, slush and uproar of battles, the frozen deathspew of the slain, a shout of spearspikes baited with men's bloodied guts. —Now then, Mr Deasy said, rising. He came to the table, pinning together his sheets. Stephen stood up. —I have put the matter into a nutshell, Mr Deasy said. It's about the foot and mouth disease. Just look through it. There can be no two opinions on the matter. May I trespass on your valuable space. That doctrine of laissez faire which so often in our history. Our cattle trade. The way of all our old industries. Liverpool ring which jockeyed the Galway harbour scheme. European conflagration. Grain supplies through the narrow waters of the channel. The pluterperfect imperturbability of the department of agriculture. Pardoned a classical allusion. Cassandra. By a woman who was no better than she should be. To come to the point at issue. —I don't mince words, do I? Mr Deasy asked as Stephen read on. Foot and mouth disease. Known as Koch's preparation. Serum and virus. Percentage of salted horses. Rinderpest. Emperor's horses at Murzsteg, lower Austria. Veterinary surgeons. Mr Henry Blackwood Price. Courteous offer a fair trial. Dictates of common sense. Allimportant question. In every sense of the word take the bull by the horns. Thanking you for the hospitality of your columns. —I want that to be printed and read, Mr Deasy said. You will see at the next outbreak they will put an embargo on Irish cattle. And it can be cured. It is cured. My cousin, Blackwood Price, writes to me it is regularly treated and cured in Austria by cattledoctors there. They offer to come over here. I am trying to work up influence with the department. Now I'm going to try publicity. I am surrounded by difficulties, by... intrigues by... backstairs influence by... He raised his forefinger and beat the air oldly before his voice spoke. —Mark my words, Mr Dedalus, he said. England is in the hands of the jews. In all the highest places: her finance, her press. And they are the signs of a nation's decay. Wherever they gather they eat up the nation's vital strength. I have seen it coming these years. As sure as we are standing here the jew merchants are already at their work of destruction. Old England is dying. He stepped swiftly off, his eyes coming to blue life as they passed a broad sunbeam. He faced about and back again. —Dying, he said again, if not dead by now. His eyes open wide in vision stared sternly across the sunbeam in which he halted. —A merchant, Stephen said, is one who buys cheap and sells dear, jew or gentile, is he not? —They sinned against the light, Mr Deasy said gravely. And you can see the darkness in their eyes. And that is why they are wanderers on the earth to this day. On the steps of the Paris stock exchange the goldskinned men quoting prices on their gemmed fingers. Gabble of geese. They swarmed loud, uncouth about the temple, their heads thickplotting under maladroit silk hats. Not theirs: these clothes, this speech, these gestures. Their full slow eyes belied the words, the gestures eager and unoffending, but knew the rancours massed about them and knew their zeal was vain. Vain patience to heap and hoard. Time surely would scatter all. A hoard heaped by the roadside: plundered and passing on. Their eyes knew their years of wandering and, patient, knew the dishonours of their flesh. —Who has not? Stephen said. —What do you mean? Mr Deasy asked. He came forward a pace and stood by the table. His underjaw fell sideways open uncertainly. Is this old wisdom? He waits to hear from me. —History, Stephen said, is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake. From the playfield the boys raised a shout. A whirring whistle: goal. What if that nightmare gave you a back kick? —The ways of the Creator are not our ways, Mr Deasy said. All human history moves towards one great goal, the manifestation of God. Stephen jerked his thumb towards the window, saying: —That is God. Hooray! Ay! Whrrwhee! —What? Mr Deasy asked. —A shout in the street, Stephen answered, shrugging his shoulders. Mr Deasy looked down and held for awhile the wings of his nose tweaked between his fingers. Looking up again he set them free. —I am happier than you are, he said. We have committed many errors and many sins. A woman brought sin into the world. For a woman who was no better than she should be, Helen, the runaway wife of Menelaus, ten years the Greeks made war on Troy. A faithless wife first brought the strangers to our shore here, MacMurrough's wife and her leman, O'Rourke, prince of Breffni. A woman too brought Parnell low. Many errors, many failures but not the one sin. I am a struggler now at the end of my days. But I will fight for the right till the end. Stephen raised the sheets in his hand. —Well, sir, he began... —I foresee, Mr Deasy said, that you will not remain here very long at this work. You were not born to be a teacher, I think. Perhaps I am wrong. —A learner rather, Stephen said. And here what will you learn more? Mr Deasy shook his head. —Who knows? he said. To learn one must be humble. But life is the great teacher. Stephen rustled the sheets again. —As regards these, he began. —Yes, Mr Deasy said. You have two copies there. If you can have them published at once. Telegraph. Irish Homestead. —I will try, Stephen said, and let you know tomorrow. I know two editors slightly. —That will do, Mr Deasy said briskly. I wrote last night to Mr Field, M.P. There is a meeting of the cattletraders' association today at the City Arms hotel. I asked him to lay my letter before the meeting. You see if you can get it into your two papers. What are they? —The Evening Telegraph... —That will do, Mr Deasy said. There is no time to lose. Now I have to answer that letter from my cousin. —Good morning, sir, Stephen said, putting the sheets in his pocket. Thank you. —Not at all, Mr Deasy said as he searched the papers on his desk. I like to break a lance with you, old as I am. —Good morning, sir, Stephen said again, bowing to his bent back. He went out by the open porch and down the gravel path under the trees, hearing the cries of voices and crack of sticks from the playfield. The lions couchant on the pillars as he passed out through the gate: toothless terrors. Still I will help him in his fight. Mulligan will dub me a new name: the bullockbefriending bard. —Mr Dedalus! Running after me. No more letters, I hope. —Just one moment. —Yes, sir, Stephen said, turning back at the gate. Mr Deasy halted, breathing hard and swallowing his breath. —I just wanted to say, he said. Ireland, they say, has the honour of being the only country which never persecuted the jews. Do you know that? No. And do you know why? He frowned sternly on the bright air. —Why, sir? Stephen asked, beginning to smile. —Because she never let them in, Mr Deasy said solemnly. A coughball of laughter leaped from his throat dragging after it a rattling chain of phlegm. He turned back quickly, coughing, laughing, his lifted arms waving to the air. —She never let them in, he cried again through his laughter as he stamped on gaitered feet over the gravel of the path. That's why. On his wise shoulders through the checkerwork of leaves the sun flung spangles, dancing coins. Ineluctable modality of the visible: at least that if no more, thought through my eyes. Signatures of all things I am here to read, seaspawn and seawrack, the nearing tide, that rusty boot. Snotgreen, bluesilver, rust: coloured signs. Limits of the diaphane. But he adds: in bodies. Then he was aware of them bodies before of them coloured. How? By knocking his sconce against them, sure. Go easy. Bald he was and a millionaire, maestro di color che sanno . Limit of the diaphane in. Why in? Diaphane, adiaphane. If you can put your five fingers through it it is a gate, if not a door. Shut your eyes and see. Stephen closed his eyes to hear his boots crush crackling wrack and shells. You are walking through it howsomever. I am, a stride at a time. A very short space of time through very short times of space. Five, six: the nacheinander . Exactly: and that is the ineluctable modality of the audible. Open your eyes. No. Jesus! If I fell over a cliff that beetles o'er his base, fell through the nebeneinander ineluctably! I am getting on nicely in the dark. My ash sword hangs at my side. Tap with it: they do. My two feet in his boots are at the ends of his legs, nebeneinander . Sounds solid: made by the mallet of Los Demiurgos . Am I walking into eternity along Sandymount strand? Crush, crack, crick, crick. Wild sea money. Dominie Deasy kens them a'. Won't you come to Sandymount, Madeline the mare? Rhythm begins, you see. I hear. Acatalectic tetrameter of iambs marching. No, agallop: deline the mare . Open your eyes now. I will. One moment. Has all vanished since? If I open and am for ever in the black adiaphane. Basta ! I will see if I can see. See now. There all the time without you: and ever shall be, world without end. They came down the steps from Leahy's terrace prudently, Frauenzimmer : and down the shelving shore flabbily, their splayed feet sinking in the silted sand. Like me, like Algy, coming down to our mighty mother. Number one swung lourdily her midwife's bag, the other's gamp poked in the beach. From the liberties, out for the day. Mrs Florence MacCabe, relict of the late Patk MacCabe, deeply lamented, of Bride Street. One of her sisterhood lugged me squealing into life. Creation from nothing. What has she in the bag? A misbirth with a trailing navelcord, hushed in ruddy wool. The cords of all link back, strandentwining cable of all flesh. That is why mystic monks. Will you be as gods? Gaze in your omphalos. Hello! Kinch here. Put me on to Edenville. Aleph, alpha: nought, nought, one. Spouse and helpmate of Adam Kadmon: Heva, naked Eve. She had no navel. Gaze. Belly without blemish, bulging big, a buckler of taut vellum, no, whiteheaped corn, orient and immortal, standing from everlasting to everlasting. Womb of sin. Wombed in sin darkness I was too, made not begotten. By them, the man with my voice and my eyes and a ghostwoman with ashes on her breath. They clasped and sundered, did the coupler's will. From before the ages He willed me and now may not will me away or ever. A lex eterna stays about Him. Is that then the divine substance wherein Father and Son are consubstantial? Where is poor dear Arius to try conclusions? Warring his life long upon the contransmagnificandjewbangtantiality. Illstarred heresiarch' In a Greek watercloset he breathed his last: euthanasia. With beaded mitre and with crozier, stalled upon his throne, widower of a widowed see, with upstiffed omophorion, with clotted hinderparts. Airs romped round him, nipping and eager airs. They are coming, waves. The whitemaned seahorses, champing, brightwindbridled, the steeds of Mananaan. I mustn't forget his letter for the press. And after? The Ship, half twelve. By the way go easy with that money like a good young imbecile. Yes, I must. His pace slackened. Here. Am I going to aunt Sara's or not? My consubstantial father's voice. Did you see anything of your artist brother Stephen lately? No? Sure he's not down in Strasburg terrace with his aunt Sally? Couldn't he fly a bit higher than that, eh? And and and and tell us, Stephen, how is uncle Si? O, weeping God, the things I married into! De boys up in de hayloft. The drunken little costdrawer and his brother, the cornet player. Highly respectable gondoliers! And skeweyed Walter sirring his father, no less! Sir. Yes, sir. No, sir. Jesus wept: and no wonder, by Christ! I pull the wheezy bell of their shuttered cottage: and wait. They take me for a dun, peer out from a coign of vantage. —It's Stephen, sir. —Let him in. Let Stephen in. A bolt drawn back and Walter welcomes me. —We thought you were someone else. In his broad bed nuncle Richie, pillowed and blanketed, extends over the hillock of his knees a sturdy forearm. Cleanchested. He has washed the upper moiety. —Morrow, nephew. He lays aside the lapboard whereon he drafts his bills of costs for the eyes of master Goff and master Shapland Tandy, filing consents and common searches and a writ of Duces Tecum . A bogoak frame over his bald head: Wilde's Requiescat . The drone of his misleading whistle brings Walter back. —Yes, sir? —Malt for Richie and Stephen, tell mother. Where is she? —Bathing Crissie, sir. Papa's little bedpal. Lump of love. —No, uncle Richie... —Call me Richie. Damn your lithia water. It lowers. Whusky! —Uncle Richie, really... —Sit down or by the law Harry I'll knock you down. Walter squints vainly for a chair. —He has nothing to sit down on, sir. —He has nowhere to put it, you mug. Bring in our chippendale chair. Would you like a bite of something? None of your damned lawdeedaw airs here. The rich of a rasher fried with a herring? Sure? So much the better. We have nothing in the house but backache pills. All'erta ! He drones bars of Ferrando's aria di sortita . The grandest number, Stephen, in the whole opera. Listen. His tuneful whistle sounds again, finely shaded, with rushes of the air, his fists bigdrumming on his padded knees. This wind is sweeter. Houses of decay, mine, his and all. You told the Clongowes gentry you had an uncle a judge and an uncle a general in the army. Come out of them, Stephen. Beauty is not there. Nor in the stagnant bay of Marsh's library where you read the fading prophecies of Joachim Abbas. For whom? The hundredheaded rabble of the cathedral close. A hater of his kind ran from them to the wood of madness, his mane foaming in the moon, his eyeballs stars. Houyhnhnm, horsenostrilled. The oval equine faces, Temple, Buck Mulligan, Foxy Campbell, Lanternjaws. Abbas father,—furious dean, what offence laid fire to their brains? Paff! Descende, calve, ut ne amplius decalveris . A garland of grey hair on his comminated head see him me clambering down to the footpace ( descende !), clutching a monstrance, basiliskeyed. Get down, baldpoll! A choir gives back menace and echo, assisting about the altar's horns, the snorted Latin of jackpriests moving burly in their albs, tonsured and oiled and gelded, fat with the fat of kidneys of wheat. And at the same instant perhaps a priest round the corner is elevating it. Dringdring! And two streets off another locking it into a pyx. Dringadring! And in a ladychapel another taking housel all to his own cheek. Dringdring! Down, up, forward, back. Dan Occam thought of that, invincible doctor. A misty English morning the imp hypostasis tickled his brain. Bringing his host down and kneeling he heard twine with his second bell the first bell in the transept (he is lifting his) and, rising, heard (now I am lifting) their two bells (he is kneeling) twang in diphthong. Cousin Stephen, you will never be a saint. Isle of saints. You were awfully holy, weren't you? You prayed to the Blessed Virgin that you might not have a red nose. You prayed to the devil in Serpentine avenue that the fubsy widow in front might lift her clothes still more from the wet street. O si, certo ! Sell your soul for that, do, dyed rags pinned round a squaw. More tell me, more still!! On the top of the Howth tram alone crying to the rain: Naked women! naked women ! What about that, eh? What about what? What else were they invented for? Reading two pages apiece of seven books every night, eh? I was young. You bowed to yourself in the mirror, stepping forward to applause earnestly, striking face. Hurray for the Goddamned idiot! Hray! No-one saw: tell no-one. Books you were going to write with letters for titles. Have you read his F? O yes, but I prefer Q. Yes, but W is wonderful. O yes, W. Remember your epiphanies written on green oval leaves, deeply deep, copies to be sent if you died to all the great libraries of the world, including Alexandria? Someone was to read them there after a few thousand years, a mahamanvantara. Pico della Mirandola like. Ay, very like a whale. When one reads these strange pages of one long gone one feels that one is at one with one who once... The grainy sand had gone from under his feet. His boots trod again a damp crackling mast, razorshells, squeaking pebbles, that on the unnumbered pebbles beats, wood sieved by the shipworm, lost Armada. Unwholesome sandflats waited to suck his treading soles, breathing upward sewage breath, a pocket of seaweed smouldered in seafire under a midden of man's ashes. He coasted them, walking warily. A porterbottle stood up, stogged to its waist, in the cakey sand dough. A sentinel: isle of dreadful thirst. Broken hoops on the shore; at the land a maze of dark cunning nets; farther away chalkscrawled backdoors and on the higher beach a dryingline with two crucified shirts. Ringsend: wigwams of brown steersmen and master mariners. Human shells. He halted. I have passed the way to aunt Sara's. Am I not going there? Seems not. No-one about. He turned northeast and crossed the firmer sand towards the Pigeonhouse. —Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position? —c'est le pigeon, Joseph. Patrice, home on furlough, lapped warm milk with me in the bar MacMahon. Son of the wild goose, Kevin Egan of Paris. My father's a bird, he lapped the sweet lait chaud with pink young tongue, plump bunny's face. Lap, lapin. He hopes to win in the gros lots . About the nature of women he read in Michelet. But he must send me La Vie de Jesus by M. Leo Taxil. Lent it to his friend. —C'est tordant, vous savez. Moi, je suis socialiste. Je ne crois pas en l'existence de Dieu. Faut pas le dire a mon p-re. —Il croit? —Mon pere, oui. Schluss . He laps. My Latin quarter hat. God, we simply must dress the character. I want puce gloves. You were a student, weren't you? Of what in the other devil's name? Paysayenn. P. C. N., you know: physiques, chimiques et naturelles . Aha. Eating your groatsworth of mou en civet , fleshpots of Egypt, elbowed by belching cabmen. Just say in the most natural tone: when I was in Paris; boul' Mich' , I used to. Yes, used to carry punched tickets to prove an alibi if they arrested you for murder somewhere. Justice. On the night of the seventeenth of February 1904 the prisoner was seen by two witnesses. Other fellow did it: other me. Hat, tie, overcoat, nose. Lui, c'est moi . You seem to have enjoyed yourself. Proudly walking. Whom were you trying to walk like? Forget: a dispossessed. With mother's money order, eight shillings, the banging door of the post office slammed in your face by the usher. Hunger toothache. Encore deux minutes . Look clock. Must get. Ferme . Hired dog! Shoot him to bloody bits with a bang shotgun, bits man spattered walls all brass buttons. Bits all khrrrrklak in place clack back. Not hurt? O, that's all right. Shake hands. See what I meant, see? O, that's all right. Shake a shake. O, that's all only all right. You were going to do wonders, what? Missionary to Europe after fiery Columbanus. Fiacre and Scotus on their creepystools in heaven spilt from their pintpots, loudlatinlaughing: Euge! Euge ! Pretending to speak broken English as you dragged your valise, porter threepence, across the slimy pier at Newhaven. Comment? Rich booty you brought back; Le Tutu , five tattered numbers of Pantalon Blanc et Culotte Rouge ; a blue French telegram, curiosity to show: —Mother dying come home father. The aunt thinks you killed your mother. That's why she won't. His feet marched in sudden proud rhythm over the sand furrows, along by the boulders of the south wall. He stared at them proudly, piled stone mammoth skulls. Gold light on sea, on sand, on boulders. The sun is there, the slender trees, the lemon houses. Paris rawly waking, crude sunlight on her lemon streets. Moist pith of farls of bread, the froggreen wormwood, her matin incense, court the air. Belluomo rises from the bed of his wife's lover's wife, the kerchiefed housewife is astir, a saucer of acetic acid in her hand. In Rodot's Yvonne and Madeleine newmake their tumbled beauties, shattering with gold teeth chaussons of pastry, their mouths yellowed with the pus of flan breton . Faces of Paris men go by, their wellpleased pleasers, curled conquistadores. Noon slumbers. Kevin Egan rolls gunpowder cigarettes through fingers smeared with printer's ink, sipping his green fairy as Patrice his white. About us gobblers fork spiced beans down their gullets. Un demi setier! A jet of coffee steam from the burnished caldron. She serves me at his beck. Il est irlandais. Hollandais? Non fromage. Deux irlandais, nous, Irlande, vous savez ah, oui! She thought you wanted a cheese hollandais . Your postprandial, do you know that word? Postprandial. There was a fellow I knew once in Barcelona, queer fellow, used to call it his postprandial. Well: slainte ! Around the slabbed tables the tangle of wined breaths and grumbling gorges. His breath hangs over our saucestained plates, the green fairy's fang thrusting between his lips. Of Ireland, the Dalcassians, of hopes, conspiracies, of Arthur Griffith now, A E, pimander, good shepherd of men. To yoke me as his yokefellow, our crimes our common cause. You're your father's son. I know the voice. His fustian shirt, sanguineflowered, trembles its Spanish tassels at his secrets. M. Drumont, famous journalist, Drumont, know what he called queen Victoria? Old hag with the yellow teeth. Vieille ogresse with the dents jaunes . Maud Gonne, beautiful woman, La Patrie , M. Millevoye, Felix Faure, know how he died? Licentious men. The froeken, bonne a tout faire , who rubs male nakedness in the bath at Upsala. Moi faire , she said, Tous les messieurs . Not this Monsieur , I said. Most licentious custom. Bath a most private thing. I wouldn't let my brother, not even my own brother, most lascivious thing. Green eyes, I see you. Fang, I feel. Lascivious people. The blue fuse burns deadly between hands and burns clear. Loose tobaccoshreds catch fire: a flame and acrid smoke light our corner. Raw facebones under his peep of day boy's hat. How the head centre got away, authentic version. Got up as a young bride, man, veil, orangeblossoms, drove out the road to Malahide. Did, faith. Of lost leaders, the betrayed, wild escapes. Disguises, clutched at, gone, not here. Spurned lover. I was a strapping young gossoon at that time, I tell you. I'll show you my likeness one day. I was, faith. Lover, for her love he prowled with colonel Richard Burke, tanist of his sept, under the walls of Clerkenwell and, crouching, saw a flame of vengeance hurl them upward in the fog. Shattered glass and toppling masonry. In gay Paree he hides, Egan of Paris, unsought by any save by me. Making his day's stations, the dingy printingcase, his three taverns, the Montmartre lair he sleeps short night in, rue de la Goutte-d'Or, damascened with flyblown faces of the gone. Loveless, landless, wifeless. She is quite nicey comfy without her outcast man, madame in rue Git-le-Coeur, canary and two buck lodgers. Peachy cheeks, a zebra skirt, frisky as a young thing's. Spurned and undespairing. Tell Pat you saw me, won't you? I wanted to get poor Pat a job one time. Mon fils , soldier of France. I taught him to sing The boys of Kilkenny are stout roaring blades . Know that old lay? I taught Patrice that. Old Kilkenny: saint Canice, Strongbow's castle on the Nore. Goes like this. O, O. He takes me, Napper Tandy, by the hand. — II — Weak wasting hand on mine. They have forgotten Kevin Egan, not he them. Remembering thee, O Sion. He had come nearer the edge of the sea and wet sand slapped his boots. The new air greeted him, harping in wild nerves, wind of wild air of seeds of brightness. Here, I am not walking out to the Kish lightship, am I? He stood suddenly, his feet beginning to sink slowly in the quaking soil. Turn back. Turning, he scanned the shore south, his feet sinking again slowly in new sockets. The cold domed room of the tower waits. Through the barbacans the shafts of light are moving ever, slowly ever as my feet are sinking, creeping duskward over the dial floor. Blue dusk, nightfall, deep blue night. In the darkness of the dome they wait, their pushedback chairs, my obelisk valise, around a board of abandoned platters. Who to clear it? He has the key. I will not sleep there when this night comes. A shut door of a silent tower, entombing their—blind bodies, the panthersahib and his pointer. Call: no answer. He lifted his feet up from the suck and turned back by the mole of boulders. Take all, keep all. My soul walks with me, form of forms. So in the moon's midwatches I pace the path above the rocks, in sable silvered, hearing Elsinore's tempting flood. The flood is following me. I can watch it flow past from here. Get back then by the Poolbeg road to the strand there. He climbed over the sedge and eely oarweeds and sat on a stool of rock, resting his ashplant in a grike. A bloated carcass of a dog lay lolled on bladderwrack. Before him the gunwale of a boat, sunk in sand. Un coche ensablé Louis Veuillot called Gautier's prose. These heavy sands are language tide and wind have silted here. And these, the stoneheaps of dead builders, a warren of weasel rats. Hide gold there. Try it. You have some. Sands and stones. Heavy of the past. Sir Lout's toys. Mind you don't get one bang on the ear. I'm the bloody well gigant rolls all them bloody well boulders, bones for my steppingstones. Feefawfum. I zmellz de bloodz odz an Iridzman. A point, live dog, grew into sight running across the sweep of sand. Lord, is he going to attack me? Respect his liberty. You will not be master of others or their slave. I have my stick. Sit tight. From farther away, walking shoreward across from the crested tide, figures, two. The two maries. They have tucked it safe mong the bulrushes. Peekaboo. I see you. No, the dog. He is running back to them. Who? Galleys of the Lochlanns ran here to beach, in quest of prey, their bloodbeaked prows riding low on a molten pewter surf. Dane vikings, torcs of tomahawks aglitter on their breasts when Malachi wore the collar of gold. A school of turlehide whales stranded in hot noon, spouting, hobbling in the shallows. Then from the starving cagework city a horde of jerkined dwarfs, my people, with flayers' knives, running, scaling, hacking in green blubbery whalemeat. Famine, plague and slaughters. Their blood is in me, their lusts my waves. I moved among them on the frozen Liffey, that I, a changeling, among the spluttering resin fires. I spoke to no-one: none to me. The dog's bark ran towards him, stopped, ran back. Dog of my enemy. I just simply stood pale, silent, bayed about. Terribilia meditans . A primrose doublet, fortune's knave, smiled on my fear. For that are you pining, the bark of their applause? Pretenders: live their lives. The Bruce's brother, Thomas Fitzgerald, silken knight, Perkin Warbeck, York's false scion, in breeches of silk of whiterose ivory, wonder of a day, and Lambert Simnel, with a tail of nans and sutlers, a scullion crowned. All kings' sons. Paradise of pretenders then and now. He saved men from drowning and you shake at a cur's yelping. But the courtiers who mocked Guido in Or san Michele were in their own house. House of... We don't want any of your medieval abstrusiosities. Would you do what he did? A boat would be near, a lifebuoy. Natürlich , put there for you. Would you or would you not? The man that was drowned nine days ago off Maiden's rock. They are waiting for him now. The truth, spit it out. I would want to. I would try. I am not a strong swimmer. Water cold soft. When I put my face into it in the basin at Clongowes. Can't see! Who's behind me? Out quickly, quickly! Do you see the tide flowing quickly in on all sides, sheeting the lows of sand quickly, shellcocoacoloured? If I had land under my feet. I want his life still to be his, mine to be mine. A drowning man. His human eyes scream to me out of horror of his death. I... With him together down... I could not save her. Waters: bitter death: lost. A woman and a man. I see her skirties. Pinned up, I bet. Their dog ambled about a bank of dwindling sand, trotting, sniffing on all sides. Looking for something lost in a past life. Suddenly he made off like a bounding hare, ears flung back, chasing the shadow of a lowskimming gull. The man's shrieked whistle struck his limp ears. He turned, bounded back, came nearer, trotted on twinkling shanks. On a field tenney a buck, trippant, proper, unattired. At the lacefringe of the tide he halted with stiff forehoofs, seawardpointed ears. His snout lifted barked at the wavenoise, herds of seamorse. They serpented towards his feet, curling, unfurling many crests, every ninth, breaking, plashing, from far, from farther out, waves and waves. Cocklepickers. They waded a little way in the water and, stooping, soused their bags and, lifting them again, waded out. The dog yelped running to them, reared up and pawed them, dropping on all fours, again reared up at them with mute bearish fawning. Unheeded he kept by them as they came towards the drier sand, a rag of wolf's tongue redpanting from his jaws. His speckled body ambled ahead of them and then loped off at a calf's gallop. The carcass lay on his path. He stopped, sniffed, stalked round it, brother, nosing closer, went round it, sniffling rapidly like a dog all over the dead dog's bedraggled fell. Dogskull, dogsniff, eyes on the ground, moves to one great goal. Ah, poor dogsbody! Here lies poor dogsbody's body. —Tatters! Out of that, you mongrel! The cry brought him skulking back to his master and a blunt bootless kick sent him unscathed across a spit of sand, crouched in flight. He slunk back in a curve. Doesn't see me. Along by the edge of the mole he lolloped, dawdled, smelt a rock and from under a cocked hindleg pissed against it. He trotted forward and, lifting again his hindleg, pissed quick short at an unsmelt rock. The simple pleasures of the poor. His hindpaws then scattered the sand: then his forepaws dabbled and delved. Something he buried there, his grandmother. He rooted in the sand, dabbling, delving and stopped to listen to the air, scraped up the sand again with a fury of his claws, soon ceasing, a pard, a panther, got in spousebreach, vulturing the dead. After he woke me last night same dream or was it? Wait. Open hallway. Street of harlots. Remember. Haroun al Raschid. I am almosting it. That man led me, spoke. I was not afraid. The melon he had he held against my face. Smiled: creamfruit smell. That was the rule, said. In. Come. Red carpet spread. You will see who. Shouldering their bags they trudged, the red Egyptians. His blued feet out of turnedup trousers slapped the clammy sand, a dull brick muffler strangling his unshaven neck. With woman steps she followed: the ruffian and his strolling mort. Spoils slung at her back. Loose sand and shellgrit crusted her bare feet. About her windraw face hair trailed. Behind her lord, his helpmate, bing awast to Romeville. When night hides her body's flaws calling under her brown shawl from an archway where dogs have mired. Her fancyman is treating two Royal Dublins in O'Loughlin's of Blackpitts. Buss her, wap in rogues' rum lingo, for, O, my dimber wapping dell! A shefiend's whiteness under her rancid rags. Fumbally's lane that night: the tanyard smells. Morose delectation Aquinas tunbelly calls this, frate porcospino . Unfallen Adam rode and not rutted. Call away let him: thy quarrons dainty is . Language no whit worse than his. Monkwords, marybeads jabber on their girdles: roguewords, tough nuggets patter in their pockets. Passing now. A side eye at my Hamlet hat. If I were suddenly naked here as I sit? I am not. Across the sands of all the world, followed by the sun's flaming sword, to the west, trekking to evening lands. She trudges, schlepps, trains, drags, trascines her load. A tide westering, moondrawn, in her wake. Tides, myriadislanded, within her, blood not mine, oinopa ponton , a winedark sea. Behold the handmaid of the moon. In sleep the wet sign calls her hour, bids her rise. Bridebed, childbed, bed of death, ghostcandled. Omnis caro ad te veniet . He comes, pale vampire, through storm his eyes, his bat sails bloodying the sea, mouth to her mouth's kiss. Here. Put a pin in that chap, will you? My tablets. Mouth to her kiss. No. Must be two of em. Glue em well. Mouth to her mouth's kiss. His lips lipped and mouthed fleshless lips of air: mouth to her moomb. Oomb, allwombing tomb. His mouth moulded issuing breath, unspeeched: ooeeehah: roar of cataractic planets, globed, blazing, roaring wayawayawayawayaway. Paper. The banknotes, blast them. Old Deasy's letter. Here. Thanking you for the hospitality tear the blank end off. Turning his back to the sun he bent over far to a table of rock and scribbled words. That's twice I forgot to take slips from the library counter. His shadow lay over the rocks as he bent, ending. Why not endless till the farthest star? Darkly they are there behind this light, darkness shining in the brightness, delta of Cassiopeia, worlds. Me sits there with his augur's rod of ash, in borrowed sandals, by day beside a livid sea, unbeheld, in violet night walking beneath a reign of uncouth stars. I throw this ended shadow from me, manshape ineluctable, call it back. Endless, would it be mine, form of my form? Who watches me here? Who ever anywhere will read these written words? Signs on a white field. Somewhere to someone in your flutiest voice. The good bishop of Cloyne took the veil of the temple out of his shovel hat: veil of space with coloured emblems hatched on its field. Hold hard. Coloured on a flat: yes, that's right. Flat I see, then think distance, near, far, flat I see, east, back. Ah, see now! Falls back suddenly, frozen in stereoscope. Click does the trick. You find my words dark. Darkness is in our souls do you not think? Flutier. Our souls, shamewounded by our sins, cling to us yet more, a woman to her lover clinging, the more the more. She trusts me, her hand gentle, the longlashed eyes. Now where the blue hell am I bringing her beyond the veil? Into the ineluctable modality of the ineluctable visuality. She, she, she. What she? The virgin at Hodges Figgis' window on Monday looking in for one of the alphabet books you were going to write. Keen glance you gave her. Wrist through the braided jesse of her sunshade. She lives in Leeson park with a grief and kickshaws, a lady of letters. Talk that to someone else, Stevie: a pickmeup. Bet she wears those curse of God stays suspenders and yellow stockings, darned with lumpy wool. Talk about apple dumplings, piuttosto . Where are your wits? Touch me. Soft eyes. Soft soft soft hand. I am lonely here. O, touch me soon, now. What is that word known to all men? I am quiet here alone. Sad too. Touch, touch me. He lay back at full stretch over the sharp rocks, cramming the scribbled note and pencil into a pock his hat. His hat down on his eyes. That is Kevin Egan's movement I made, nodding for his nap, sabbath sleep. Et vidit Deus. Et erant valde bona . Alo! Bonjour . Welcome as the flowers in May. Under its leaf he watched through peacocktwittering lashes the southing sun. I am caught in this burning scene. Pan's hour, the faunal noon. Among gumheavy serpentplants, milkoozing fruits, where on the tawny waters leaves lie wide. Pain is far. His gaze brooded on his broadtoed boots, a buck's castoffs, nebeneinander . He counted the creases of rucked leather wherein another's foot had nested warm. The foot that beat the ground in tripudium, foot I dislove. But you were delighted when Esther Osvalt's shoe went on you: girl I knew in Paris. Tiens, quel petit pied! Staunch friend, a brother soul: Wilde's love that dare not speak its name. His arm: Cranly's arm. He now will leave me. And the blame? As I am. As I am. All or not at all. In long lassoes from the Cock lake the water flowed full, covering greengoldenly lagoons of sand, rising, flowing. My ashplant will float away. I shall wait. No, they will pass on, passing, chafing against the low rocks, swirling, passing. Better get this job over quick. Listen: a fourworded wavespeech: seesoo, hrss, rsseeiss, ooos. Vehement breath of waters amid seasnakes, rearing horses, rocks. In cups of rocks it slops: flop, slop, slap: bounded in barrels. And, spent, its speech ceases. It flows purling, widely flowing, floating foampool, flower unfurling. Under the upswelling tide he saw the writhing weeds lift languidly and sway reluctant arms, hising up their petticoats, in whispering water swaying and upturning coy silver fronds. Day by day: night by night: lifted, flooded and let fall. Lord, they are weary; and, whispered to, they sigh. Saint Ambrose heard it, sigh of leaves and waves, waiting, awaiting the fullness of their times, diebus ac noctibus iniurias patiens ingemiscit . To no end gathered; vainly then released, forthflowing, wending back: loom of the moon. Weary too in sight of lovers, lascivious men, a naked woman shining in her courts, she draws a toil of waters. Five fathoms out there. Full fathom five thy father lies. At one, he said. Found drowned. High water at Dublin bar. Driving before it a loose drift of rubble, fanshoals of fishes, silly shells. A corpse rising saltwhite from the undertow, bobbing a pace a pace a porpoise landward. There he is. Hook it quick. Pull. Sunk though he be beneath the watery floor. We have him. Easy now. Bag of corpsegas sopping in foul brine. A quiver of minnows, fat of a spongy titbit, flash through the slits of his buttoned trouserfly. God becomes man becomes fish becomes barnacle goose becomes featherbed mountain. Dead breaths I living breathe, tread dead dust, devour a urinous offal from all dead. Hauled stark over the gunwale he breathes upward the stench of his green grave, his leprous nosehole snoring to the sun. A seachange this, brown eyes saltblue. Seadeath, mildest of all deaths known to man. Old Father Ocean. Prix de paris : beware of imitations. Just you give it a fair trial. We enjoyed ourselves immensely. Come. I thirst. Clouding over. No black clouds anywhere, are there? Thunderstorm. Allbright he falls, proud lightning of the intellect, Lucifer, dico, qui nescit occasum . No. My cockle hat and staff and hismy sandal shoon. Where? To evening lands. Evening will find itself. He took the hilt of his ashplant, lunging with it softly, dallying still. Yes, evening will find itself in me, without me. All days make their end. By the way next when is it Tuesday will be the longest day. Of all the glad new year, mother, the rum tum tiddledy tum. Lawn Tennyson, gentleman poet. Già . For the old hag with the yellow teeth. And Monsieur Drumont, gentleman journalist. Già . My teeth are very bad. Why, I wonder. Feel. That one is going too. Shells. Ought I go to a dentist, I wonder, with that money? That one. This. Toothless Kinch, the superman. Why is that, I wonder, or does it mean something perhaps? My handkerchief. He threw it. I remember. Did I not take it up? His hand groped vainly in his pockets. No, I didn't. Better buy one. He laid the dry snot picked from his nostril on a ledge of rock, carefully. For the rest let look who will. Behind. Perhaps there is someone. He turned his face over a shoulder, rere regardant. Moving through the air high spars of a threemaster, her sails brailed up on the crosstrees, homing, upstream, silently moving, a silent ship. + — II — Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods' roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine. Kidneys were in his mind as he moved about the kitchen softly, righting her breakfast things on the humpy tray. Gelid light and air were in the kitchen but out of doors gentle summer morning everywhere. Made him feel a bit peckish. The coals were reddening. Another slice of bread and butter: three, four: right. She didn't like her plate full. Right. He turned from the tray, lifted the kettle off the hob and set it sideways on the fire. It sat there, dull and squat, its spout stuck out. Cup of tea soon. Good. Mouth dry. The cat walked stiffly round a leg of the table with tail on high. —Mkgnao! —O, there you are, Mr Bloom said, turning from the fire. The cat mewed in answer and stalked again stiffly round a leg of the table, mewing. Just how she stalks over my writingtable. Prr. Scratch my head. Prr. Mr Bloom watched curiously, kindly the lithe black form. Clean to see: the gloss of her sleek hide, the white button under the butt of her tail, the green flashing eyes. He bent down to her, his hands on his knees. —Milk for the pussens, he said. —Mrkgnao! the cat cried. They call them stupid. They understand what we say better than we understand them. She understands all she wants to. Vindictive too. Cruel. Her nature. Curious mice never squeal. Seem to like it. Wonder what I look like to her. Height of a tower? No, she can jump me. —Afraid of the chickens she is, he said mockingly. Afraid of the chookchooks. I never saw such a stupid pussens as the pussens. Cruel. Her nature. Curious mice never squeal. Seem to like it. —Mrkrgnao! the cat said loudly. She blinked up out of her avid shameclosing eyes, mewing plaintively and long, showing him her milkwhite teeth. He watched the dark eyeslits narrowing with greed till her eyes were green stones. Then he went to the dresser, took the jug Hanlon's milkman had just filled for him, poured warmbubbled milk on a saucer and set it slowly on the floor. —Gurrhr! she cried, running to lap. He watched the bristles shining wirily in the weak light as she tipped three times and licked lightly. Wonder is it true if you clip them they can't mouse after. Why? They shine in the dark, perhaps, the tips. Or kind of feelers in the dark, perhaps. He listened to her licking lap. Ham and eggs, no. No good eggs with this drouth. Want pure fresh water. Thursday: not a good day either for a mutton kidney at Buckley's. Fried with butter, a shake of pepper. Better a pork kidney at Dlugacz's. While the kettle is boiling. She lapped slower, then licking the saucer clean. Why are their tongues so rough? To lap better, all porous holes. Nothing she can eat? He glanced round him. No. On quietly creaky boots he went up the staircase to the hall, paused by the bedroom door. She might like something tasty. Thin bread and butter she likes in the morning. Still perhaps: once in a way. He said softly in the bare hall: —I'm going round the corner. Be back in a minute. And when he had heard his voice say it he added: —You don't want anything for breakfast? A sleepy soft grunt answered: —Mn. No. She didn't want anything. He heard then a warm heavy sigh, softer, as she turned over and the loose brass quoits of the bedstead jingled. Must get those settled really. Pity. All the way from Gibraltar. Forgotten any little Spanish she knew. Wonder what her father gave for it. Old style. Ah yes! of course. Bought it at the governor's auction. Got a short knock. Hard as nails at a bargain, old Tweedy. Yes, sir. At Plevna that was. I rose from the ranks, sir, and I'm proud of it. Still he had brains enough to make that corner in stamps. Now that was farseeing. His hand took his hat from the peg over his initialled heavy overcoat and his lost property office secondhand waterproof. Stamps: stickyback pictures. Daresay lots of officers are in the swim too. Course they do. The sweated legend in the crown of his hat told him mutely: Plasto's high grade ha. He peeped quickly inside the leather headband. White slip of paper. Quite safe. On the doorstep he felt in his hip pocket for the latchkey. Not there. In the trousers I left off. Must get it. Potato I have. Creaky wardrobe. No use disturbing her. She turned over sleepily that time. He pulled the halldoor to after him very quietly, more, till the footleaf dropped gently over the threshold, a limp lid. Looked shut. All right till I come back anyhow. He crossed to the bright side, avoiding the loose cellarflap of number seventyfive. The sun was nearing the steeple of George's church. Be a warm day I fancy. Specially in these black clothes feel it more. Black conducts, reflects, (refracts is it?), the heat. But I couldn't go in that light suit. Make a picnic of it. His eyelids sank quietly often as he walked in happy warmth. Boland's breadvan delivering with trays our daily but she prefers yesterday's loaves turnovers crisp crowns hot. Makes you feel young. Somewhere in the east: early morning: set off at dawn. Travel round in front of the sun, steal a day's march on him. Keep it up for ever never grow a day older technically. Walk along a strand, strange land, come to a city gate, sentry there, old ranker too, old Tweedy's big moustaches, leaning on a long kind of a spear. Wander through awned streets. Turbaned faces going by. Dark caves of carpet shops, big man, Turko the terrible, seated crosslegged, smoking a coiled pipe. Cries of sellers in the streets. Drink water scented with fennel, sherbet. Dander along all day. Might meet a robber or two. Well, meet him. Getting on to sundown. The shadows of the mosques among the pillars: priest with a scroll rolled up. A shiver of the trees, signal, the evening wind. I pass on. Fading gold sky. A mother watches me from her doorway. She calls her children home in their dark language. High wall: beyond strings twanged. Night sky, moon, violet, colour of Molly's new garters. Strings. Listen. A girl playing one of those instruments what do you call them: dulcimers. I pass. Probably not a bit like it really. Kind of stuff you read: in the track of the sun. Sunburst on the titlepage. He smiled, pleasing himself. What Arthur Griffith said about the headpiece over the Freeman leader: a homerule sun rising up in the northwest from the laneway behind the bank of Ireland. He prolonged his pleased smile. Ikey touch that: homerule sun rising up in the north-west. He approached Larry O'Rourke's. From the cellar grating floated up the flabby gush of porter. Through the open doorway the bar squirted out whiffs of ginger, teadust, biscuitmush. Good house, however: just the end of the city traffic. For instance M'Auley's down there: n. g. as position. Of course if they ran a tramline along the North Circular from the cattlemarket to the quays value would go up like a shot. Baldhead over the blind. Cute old codger. No use canvassing him for an ad. Still he knows his own business best. There he is, sure enough, my bold Larry, leaning against the sugarbin in his shirtsleeves watching the aproned curate swab up with mop and bucket. Simon Dedalus takes him off to a tee with his eyes screwed up. Do you know what I'm going to tell you? What's that, Mr O'Rourke? Do you know what? The Russians, they'd only be an eight o'clock breakfast for the Japanese. Stop and say a word: about the funeral perhaps. Sad thing about poor Dignam, Mr O'Rourke. Turning into Dorset street he said freshly in greeting through the doorway: —Good day, Mr O'Rourke. —Good day to you. —Lovely weather, sir. —'Tis all that. Where do they get the money? Coming up redheaded curates from the county Leitrim, rinsing empties and old man in the cellar. Then, lo and behold, they blossom out as Adam Findlaters or Dan Tallons. Then thin of the competition. General thirst. Good puzzle would be cross Dublin without passing a pub. Save it they can't. Off the drunks perhaps. Put down three and carry five. What is that, a bob here and there, dribs and drabs. On the wholesale orders perhaps. Doing a double shuffle with the town travellers. Square it you with the boss and we'll split the job, see? How much would that tot to off the porter in the month? Say ten barrels of stuff. Say he got ten per cent off. O more. Fifteen. He passed Saint Joseph's National school. Brats' clamour. Windows open. Fresh air helps memory. Or a lilt. Ahbeesee defeegee kelomen opeecue rustyouvee doubleyou. Boys are they? Yes. Inishturk. Inishark. Inishboffin. At their joggerfry. Mine. Slieve Bloom. He halted before Dlugacz's window, staring at the hanks of sausages, polonies, black and white. Fifteen multiplied by. The figures whitened in his mind, unsolved: displeased, he let them fade. The shiny links, packed with forcemeat, fed his gaze and he breathed in tranquilly the lukewarm breath of cooked spicy pigs' blood. A kidney oozed bloodgouts on the willowpatterned dish: the last. He stood by the nextdoor girl at the counter. Would she buy it too, calling the items from a slip in her hand? Chapped: washingsoda. And a pound and a half of Denny's sausages. His eyes rested on her vigorous hips. Woods his name is. Wonder what he does. Wife is oldish. New blood. No followers allowed. Strong pair of arms. Whacking a carpet on the clothesline. She does whack it, by George. The way her crooked skirt swings at each whack. The ferreteyed porkbutcher folded the sausages he had snipped off with blotchy fingers, sausagepink. Sound meat there: like a stallfed heifer. He took a page up from the pile of cut sheets: the model farm at Kinnereth on the lakeshore of Tiberias. Can become ideal winter sanatorium. Moses Montefiore. I thought he was. Farmhouse, wall round it, blurred cattle cropping. He held the page from him: interesting: read it nearer, the title, the blurred cropping cattle, the page rustling. A young white heifer. Those mornings in the cattlemarket, the beasts lowing in their pens, branded sheep, flop and fall of dung, the breeders in hobnailed boots trudging through the litter, slapping a palm on a ripemeated hindquarter, there's a prime one, unpeeled switches in their hands. He held the page aslant patiently, bending his senses and his will, his soft subject gaze at rest. The crooked skirt swinging, whack by whack by whack. The porkbutcher snapped two sheets from the pile, wrapped up her prime sausages and made a red grimace. —Now, my miss, he said. She tendered a coin, smiling boldly, holding her thick wrist out. —Thank you, my miss. And one shilling threepence change. For you, please? Mr Bloom pointed quickly. To catch up and walk behind her if she went slowly, behind her moving hams. Pleasant to see first thing in the morning. Hurry up, damn it. Make hay while the sun shines. She stood outside the shop in sunlight and sauntered lazily to the right. He sighed down his nose: they never understand. Sodachapped hands. Crusted toenails too. Brown scapulars in tatters, defending her both ways. The sting of disregard glowed to weak pleasure within his breast. For another: a constable off duty cuddling her in Eccles lane. They like them sizeable. Prime sausage. O please, Mr Policeman, I'm lost in the wood. —Threepence, please. His hand accepted the moist tender gland and slid it into a sidepocket. Then it fetched up three coins from his trousers' pocket and laid them on the rubber prickles. They lay, were read quickly and quickly slid, disc by disc, into the till. —Thank you, sir. Another time. A speck of eager fire from foxeyes thanked him. He withdrew his gaze after an instant. No: better not: another time. —Good morning, he said, moving away. —Good morning, sir. No sign. Gone. What matter? He walked back along Dorset street, reading gravely. Agendath Netaim: planters' company. To purchase waste sandy tracts from Turkish government and plant with eucalyptus trees. Excellent for shade, fuel and construction. Orangegroves and immense melonfields north of Jaffa. You pay eighty marks and they plant a dunam of land for you with olives, oranges, almonds or citrons. Olives cheaper: oranges need artificial irrigation. Every year you get a sending of the crop. Your name entered for life as owner in the book of the union. Can pay ten down and the balance in yearly instalments. Bleibtreustrasse 34, Berlin, W. 15. Nothing doing. Still an idea behind it. He looked at the cattle, blurred in silver heat. Silverpowdered olivetrees. Quiet long days: pruning, ripening. Olives are packed in jars, eh? I have a few left from Andrews. Molly spitting them out. Knows the taste of them now. Oranges in tissue paper packed in crates. Citrons too. Wonder is poor Citron still in Saint Kevin's parade. And Mastiansky with the old cither. Pleasant evenings we had then. Molly in Citron's basketchair. Nice to hold, cool waxen fruit, hold in the hand, lift it to the nostrils and smell the perfume. Like that, heavy, sweet, wild perfume. Always the same, year after year. They fetched high prices too, Moisel told me. Arbutus place: Pleasants street: pleasant old times. Must be without a flaw, he said. Coming all that way: Spain, Gibraltar, Mediterranean, the Levant. Crates lined up on the quayside at Jaffa, chap ticking them off in a book, navvies handling them barefoot in soiled dungarees. There's whatdoyoucallhim out of. How do you? Doesn't see. Chap you know just to salute bit of a bore. His back is like that Norwegian captain's. Wonder if I'll meet him today. Watering cart. To provoke the rain. On earth as it is in heaven. A cloud began to cover the sun slowly, wholly. Grey. Far. No, not like that. A barren land, bare waste. Vulcanic lake, the dead sea: no fish, weedless, sunk deep in the earth. No wind could lift those waves, grey metal, poisonous foggy waters. Brimstone they called it raining down: the cities of the plain: Sodom, Gomorrah, Edom. All dead names. A dead sea in a dead land, grey and old. Old now. It bore the oldest, the first race. A bent hag crossed from Cassidy's, clutching a naggin bottle by the neck. The oldest people. Wandered far away over all the earth, captivity to captivity, multiplying, dying, being born everywhere. It lay there now. Now it could bear no more. Dead: an old woman's: the grey sunken cunt of the world. Desolation. Grey horror seared his flesh. Folding the page into his pocket he turned into Eccles street, hurrying homeward. Cold oils slid along his veins, chilling his blood: age crusting him with a salt cloak. Well, I am here now. Yes, I am here now. Morning mouth bad images. Got up wrong side of the bed. Must begin again those Sandow's exercises. On the hands down. Blotchy brown brick houses. Number eighty still unlet. Why is that? Valuation is only twenty-eight. Towers, Battersby, North, MacArthur: parlour windows plastered with bills. Plasters on a sore eye. To smell the gentle smoke of tea, fume of the pan, sizzling butter. Be near her ample bedwarmed flesh. Yes, yes. Quick warm sunlight came running from Berkeley road, swiftly, in slim sandals, along the brightening footpath. Runs, she runs to meet me, a girl with gold hair on the wind. Two letters and a card lay on the hallfloor. He stooped and gathered them. Mrs Marion Bloom. His quickened heart slowed at once. Bold hand. Mrs Marion. —Poldy! Entering the bedroom he halfclosed his eyes and walked through warm yellow twilight towards her tousled head. —Who are the letters for? He looked at them. Mullingar. Milly. —A letter for me from Milly, he said carefully, and a card to you. And a letter for you. He laid her card and letter on the twill bedspread near the curve of her knees. —Do you want the blind up? Letting the blind up by gentle tugs halfway his backward eye saw her glance at the letter and tuck it under her pillow. —That do? he asked, turning. She was reading the card, propped on her elbow. —She got the things, she said. He waited till she had laid the card aside and curled herself back slowly with a snug sigh. —Hurry up with that tea, she said. I'm parched. —The kettle is boiling, he said. But he delayed to clear the chair: her striped petticoat, tossed soiled linen: and lifted all in an armful on to the foot of the bed. As he went down the kitchen stairs she called: —Poldy! —What? —Scald the teapot. On the boil sure enough: a plume of steam from the spout. He scalded and rinsed out the teapot and put in four full spoons of tea, tilting the kettle then to let the water flow in. Having set it to draw he took off the kettle, crushed the pan flat on the live coals and watched the lump of butter slide and melt. While he unwrapped the kidney the cat mewed hungrily against him. Give her too much meat she won't mouse. Say they won't eat pork. Kosher. Here. He let the bloodsmeared paper fall to her and dropped the kidney amid the sizzling butter sauce. Pepper. He sprinkled it through his fingers ringwise from the chipped eggcup. Then he slit open his letter, glancing down the page and over. Thanks: new tam: Mr Coghlan: lough Owel picnic: young student: Blazes Boylan's seaside girls. The tea was drawn. He filled his own moustachecup, sham crown Derby, smiling. Silly Milly's birthday gift. Only five she was then. No, wait: four. I gave her the amberoid necklace she broke. Putting pieces of folded brown paper in the letterbox for her. He smiled, pouring. Poor old professor Goodwin. Dreadful old case. Still he was a courteous old chap. Oldfashioned way he used to bow Molly off the platform. And the little mirror in his silk hat. The night Milly brought it into the parlour. O, look what I found in professor Goodwin's hat! All we laughed. Sex breaking out even then. Pert little piece she was. He prodded a fork into the kidney and slapped it over: then fitted the teapot on the tray. Its hump bumped as he took it up. Everything on it? Bread and butter, four, sugar, spoon, her cream. Yes. He carried it upstairs, his thumb hooked in the teapot handle. Nudging the door open with his knee he carried the tray in and set it on the chair by the bedhead. —What a time you were! she said. She set the brasses jingling as she raised herself briskly, an elbow on the pillow. He looked calmly down on her bulk and between her large soft bubs, sloping within her nightdress like a shegoat's udder. The warmth of her couched body rose on the air, mingling with the fragrance of the tea she poured. A strip of torn envelope peeped from under the dimpled pillow. In the act of going he stayed to straighten the bedspread. —Who was the letter from? he asked. Bold hand. Marion. —O, Boylan, she said. He's bringing the programme. —What are you singing? — La ci darem with J. C. Doyle, she said, and Love's Old Sweet Song . Her full lips, drinking, smiled. Rather stale smell that incense leaves next day. Like foul flowerwater. —Would you like the window open a little? She doubled a slice of bread into her mouth, asking: —What time is the funeral? —Eleven, I think, he answered. I didn't see the paper. Following the pointing of her finger he took up a leg of her soiled drawers from the bed. No? Then, a twisted grey garter looped round a stocking: rumpled, shiny sole. —No: that book. Other stocking. Her petticoat. —It must have fell down, she said. He felt here and there. Voglio e non vorrei . Wonder if she pronounces that right: voglio . Not in the bed. Must have slid down. He stooped and lifted the valance. The book, fallen, sprawled against the bulge of the orangekeyed chamberpot. —Show here, she said. I put a mark in it. There's a word I wanted to ask you. She swallowed a draught of tea from her cup held by nothandle and, having wiped her fingertips smartly on the blanket, began to search the text with the hairpin till she reached the word. —Met him what? he asked. —Here, she said. What does that mean? He leaned downward and read near her polished thumbnail. —Metempsychosis? —Yes. Who's he when he's at home? —Metempsychosis, he said, frowning. It's Greek: from the Greek. That means the transmigration of souls. —O, rocks! she said. Tell us in plain words. He smiled, glancing askance at her mocking eyes. The same young eyes. The first night after the charades. Dolphin's Barn. He turned over the smudged pages. Ruby: the Pride of the Ring . Hello. Illustration. Fierce Italian with carriagewhip. Must be Ruby pride of the on the floor naked. Sheet kindly lent. The monster Maffei desisted and flung his victim from him with an oath . Cruelty behind it all. Doped animals. Trapeze at Hengler's. Had to look the other way. Mob gaping. Break your neck and we'll break our sides. Families of them. Bone them young so they metamspychosis. That we live after death. Our souls. That a man's soul after he dies. Dignam's soul... —Did you finish it? he asked. —Yes, she said. There's nothing smutty in it. Is she in love with the first fellow all the time? —Never read it. Do you want another? —Yes. Get another of Paul de Kock's. Nice name he has. She poured more tea into her cup, watching it flow sideways. Must get that Capel street library book renewed or they'll write to Kearney, my guarantor. Reincarnation: that's the word. —Some people believe, he said, that we go on living in another body after death, that we lived before. They call it reincarnation. That we all lived before on the earth thousands of years ago or some other planet. They say we have forgotten it. Some say they remember their past lives. The sluggish cream wound curdling spirals through her tea. Bette remind her of the word: metempsychosis. An example would be better. An example? The Bath of the Nymph over the bed. Given away with the Easter number of Photo Bits : Splendid masterpiece in art colours. Tea before you put milk in. Not unlike her with her hair down: slimmer. Three and six I gave for the frame. She said it would look nice over the bed. Naked nymphs: Greece: and for instance all the people that lived then. He turned the pages back. —Metempsychosis, he said, is what the ancient Greeks called it. They used to believe you could be changed into an animal or a tree, for instance. What they called nymphs, for example. Her spoon ceased to stir up the sugar. She gazed straight before her, inhaling through her arched nostrils. —There's a smell of burn, she said. Did you leave anything on the fire? —The kidney! he cried suddenly. He fitted the book roughly into his inner pocket and, stubbing his toes against the broken commode, hurried out towards the smell, stepping hastily down the stairs with a flurried stork's legs. Pungent smoke shot up in an angry jet from a side of the pan. By prodding a prong of the fork under the kidney he detached it and turned it turtle on its back. Only a little burnt. He tossed it off the pan on to a plate and let the scanty brown gravy trickle over it. Cup of tea now. He sat down, cut and buttered a slice of the loaf. He shore away the burnt flesh and flung it to the cat. Then he put a forkful into his mouth, chewing with discernment the toothsome pliant meat. Done to a turn. A mouthful of tea. Then he cut away dies of bread, sopped one in the gravy and put it in his mouth. What was that about some young student and a picnic? He creased out the letter at his side, reading it slowly as he chewed, sopping another die of bread in the gravy and raising it to his mouth. Dearest Papli Thanks ever so much for the lovely birthday present. It suits me splendid. Everyone says I am quite the belle in my new tam. I got mummy's Iovely box of creams and am writing. They are lovely. I am getting on swimming in the photo business now. Mr Coghlan took one of me and Mrs. Will send when developed. We did great biz yesterday. Fair day and all the beef to the heels were in. We are going to lough Owel on Monday with a few friends to make a scrap picnic. Give my love to mummy and to yourself a big kiss and thanks. I hear them at the piano downstairs. There is to be a concert in the Greville Arms on Saturday. There is a young student comes here some evenings named Bannon his cousins or something are big swells and he sings Boylan's (I was on the pop of writing Blazes Boylan's) song about those seaside girls. Tell him silly Milly sends my best respects. I must now close with fondest love Your fond daughter, MILLY. P. S. Excuse bad writing am in hurry. Byby. M. Fifteen yesterday. Curious, fifteenth of the month too. Her first birthday away from home. Separation. Remember the summer morning she was born, running to knock up Mrs Thornton in Denzille street. Jolly old woman. Lot of babies she must have helped into the world. She knew from the first poor little Rudy wouldn't live. Well, God is good, sir. She knew at once. He would be eleven now if he had lived. His vacant face stared pityingly at the postscript. Excuse bad writing. Hurry. Piano downstairs. Coming out of her shell. Row with her in the XL Cafe about the bracelet. Wouldn't eat her cakes or speak or look. Saucebox. He sopped other dies of bread in the gravy and ate piece after piece of kidney. Twelve and six a week. Not much. Still, she might do worse. Music hall stage. Young student. He drank a draught of cooler tea to wash down his meal. Then he read the letter again: twice. O, well: she knows how to mind herself. But if not? No, nothing has happened. Of course it might. Wait in any case till it does. A wild piece of goods. Her slim legs running up the staircase. Destiny. Ripening now. Vain: very. He smiled with troubled affection at the kitchen window. Day I caught her in the street pinching her cheeks to make them red. Anemic a little. Was given milk too long. On the ERIN'S KING that day round the Kish. Damned old tub pitching about. Not a bit funky. Her pale blue scarf loose in the wind with her hair. All dimpled cheeks and curls, Your head it simply swirls. Seaside girls. Torn envelope. Hands stuck in his trousers' pockets, jarvey off for the day, singing. Friend of the family. Swurls, he says. Pier with lamps, summer evening, band, Milly too. Young kisses: the first. Far away now past. Mrs Marion. Reading, lying back now, counting the strands of her hair, smiling, braiding. A soft qualm, regret, flowed down his backbone, increasing. Will happen, yes. Prevent. Useless: can't move. Girl's sweet light lips. Will happen too. He felt the flowing qualm spread over him. Useless to move now. Lips kissed, kissing, kissed. Full gluey woman's lips. Better where she is down there: away. Occupy her. Wanted a dog to pass the time. Might take a trip down there. August bank holiday, only two and six return. Six weeks off, however. Might work a press pass. Or through M'Coy. The cat, having cleaned all her fur, returned to the meatstained paper, nosed at it and stalked to the door. She looked back at him, mewing. Wants to go out. Wait before a door sometime it will open. Let her wait. Has the fidgets. Electric. Thunder in the air. Was washing at her ear with her back to the fire too. He felt heavy, full: then a gentle loosening of his bowels. He stood up, undoing the waistband of his trousers. The cat mewed to him. —Miaow! he said in answer. Wait till I'm ready. Heaviness: hot day coming. Too much trouble to fag up the stairs to the landing. A paper. He liked to read at stool. Hope no ape comes knocking just as I'm. In the tabledrawer he found an old number of Titbits . He folded it under his armpit, went to the door and opened it. The cat went up in soft bounds. Ah, wanted to go upstairs, curl up in a ball on the bed. Listening, he heard her voice: —Come, come, pussy. Come. He went out through the backdoor into the garden: stood to listen towards the next garden. No sound. Perhaps hanging clothes out to dry. The maid was in the garden. Fine morning. He bent down to regard a lean file of spearmint growing by the wall. Make a summerhouse here. Scarlet runners. Virginia creepers. Want to manure the whole place over, scabby soil. A coat of liver of sulphur. All soil like that without dung. Household slops. Loam, what is this that is? The hens in the next garden: their droppings are very good top dressing. Best of all though are the cattle, especially when they are fed on those oilcakes. Mulch of dung. Best thing to clean ladies' kid gloves. Dirty cleans. Ashes too. Reclaim the whole place. Grow peas in that corner there. Lettuce. Always have fresh greens then. Still gardens have their drawbacks. That bee or bluebottle here Whitmonday. He walked on. Where is my hat, by the way? Must have put it back on the peg. Or hanging up on the floor. Funny I don't remember that. Hallstand too full. Four umbrellas, her raincloak. Picking up the letters. Drago's shopbell ringing. Queer I was just thinking that moment. Brown brillantined hair over his collar. Just had a wash and brushup. Wonder have I time for a bath this morning. Tara street. Chap in the paybox there got away James Stephens, they say. O'Brien. Deep voice that fellow Dlugacz has. Agendath what is it? Now, my miss. Enthusiast. He kicked open the crazy door of the jakes. Better be careful not to get these trousers dirty for the funeral. He went in, bowing his head under the low lintel. Leaving the door ajar, amid the stench of mouldy limewash and stale cobwebs he undid his braces. Before sitting down he peered through a chink up at the nextdoor windows. The king was in his countinghouse. Nobody. Asquat on the cuckstool he folded out his paper, turning its pages over on his bared knees. Something new and easy. No great hurry. Keep it a bit. Our prize titbit: Matcham's Masterstroke . Written by Mr Philip Beaufoy, Playgoers' Club, London. Payment at the rate of one guinea a column has been made to the writer. Three and a half. Three pounds three. Three pounds, thirteen and six. Quietly he read, restraining himself, the first column and, yielding but resisting, began the second. Midway, his last resistance yielding, he allowed his bowels to ease themselves quietly as he read, reading still patiently that slight constipation of yesterday quite gone. Hope it's not too big bring on piles again. No, just right. So. Ah! Costive. One tabloid of cascara sagrada. Life might be so. It did not move or touch him but it was something quick and neat. Print anything now. Silly season. He read on, seated calm above his own rising smell. Neat certainly. Matcham often thinks of the masterstroke by which he won the laughing witch who now . Begins and ends morally. Hand in hand . Smart. He glanced back through what he had read and, while feeling his water flow quietly, he envied kindly Mr Beaufoy who had written it and received payment of three pounds, thirteen and six. Might manage a sketch. By Mr and Mrs L. M. Bloom. Invent a story for some proverb. Which? Time I used to try jotting down on my cuff what she said dressing. Dislike dressing together. Nicked myself shaving. Biting her nether lip, hooking the placket of her skirt. Timing her. 9.l5. Did Roberts pay you yet? 9.20. What had Gretta Conroy on? 9.23. What possessed me to buy this comb? 9.24. I'm swelled after that cabbage. A speck of dust on the patent leather of her boot. Rubbing smartly in turn each welt against her stockinged calf. Morning after the bazaar dance when May's band played Ponchielli's dance of the hours. Explain that: morning hours, noon, then evening coming on, then night hours. Washing her teeth. That was the first night. Her head dancing. Her fansticks clicking. Is that Boylan well off? He has money. Why? I noticed he had a good rich smell off his breath dancing. No use humming then. Allude to it. Strange kind of music that last night. The mirror was in shadow. She rubbed her handglass briskly on her woollen vest against her full wagging bub. Peering into it. Lines in her eyes. It wouldn't pan out somehow. Evening hours, girls in grey gauze. Night hours then: black with daggers and eyemasks. Poetical idea: pink, then golden, then grey, then black. Still, true to life also. Day: then the night. He tore away half the prize story sharply and wiped himself with it. Then he girded up his trousers, braced and buttoned himself. He pulled back the jerky shaky door of the jakes and came forth from the gloom into the air. In the bright light, lightened and cooled in limb, he eyed carefully his black trousers: the ends, the knees, the houghs of the knees. What time is the funeral? Better find out in the paper. A creak and a dark whirr in the air high up. The bells of George's church. They tolled the hour: loud dark iron. Quarter to. There again: the overtone following through the air, third. Poor Dignam! By lorries along sir John Rogerson's quay Mr Bloom walked soberly, past Windmill lane, Leask's the linseed crusher, the postal telegraph office. Could have given that address too. And past the sailors' home. He turned from the morning noises of the quayside and walked through Lime street. By Brady's cottages a boy for the skins lolled, his bucket of offal linked, smoking a chewed fagbutt. A smaller girl with scars of eczema on her forehead eyed him, listlessly holding her battered caskhoop. Tell him if he smokes he won't grow. O let him! His life isn't such a bed of roses. Waiting outside pubs to bring da home. Come home to ma, da. Slack hour: won't be many there. He crossed Townsend street, passed the frowning face of Bethel. El, yes: house of: Aleph, Beth. And past Nichols' the undertaker. At eleven it is. Time enough. Daresay Corny Kelleher bagged the job for O'Neill's. Singing with his eyes shut. Corny. Met her once in the park. In the dark. What a lark. Police tout. Her name and address she then told with my tooraloom tooraloom tay. O, surely he bagged it. Bury him cheap in a whatyoumaycall. With my tooraloom, tooraloom, tooraloom, tooraloom. In Westland row he halted before the window of the Belfast and Oriental Tea Company and read the legends of leadpapered packets: choice blend, finest quality, family tea. Rather warm. Tea. Must get some from Tom Kernan. Couldn't ask him at a funeral, though. While his eyes still read blandly he took off his hat quietly inhaling his hairoil and sent his right hand with slow grace over his brow and hair. Very warm morning. Under their dropped lids his eyes found the tiny bow of the leather headband inside his high grade ha. Just there. His right hand came down into the bowl of his hat. His fingers found quickly a card behind the headband and transferred it to his waistcoat pocket. So warm. His right hand once more more slowly went over his brow and hair. Then he put on his hat again, relieved: and read again: choice blend, made of the finest Ceylon brands. The far east. Lovely spot it must be: the garden of the world, big lazy leaves to float about on, cactuses, flowery meads, snaky lianas they call them. Wonder is it like that. Those Cinghalese lobbing about in the sun in dolce far niente , not doing a hand's turn all day. Sleep six months out of twelve. Too hot to quarrel. Influence of the climate. Lethargy. Flowers of idleness. The air feeds most. Azotes. Hothouse in Botanic gardens. Sensitive plants. Waterlilies. Petals too tired to. Sleeping sickness in the air. Walk on roseleaves. Imagine trying to eat tripe and cowheel. Where was the chap I saw in that picture somewhere? Ah yes, in the dead sea floating on his back, reading a book with a parasol open. Couldn't sink if you tried: so thick with salt. Because the weight of the water, no, the weight of the body in the water is equal to the weight of the what? Or is it the volume is equal to the weight? It's a law something like that. Vance in High school cracking his fingerjoints, teaching. The college curriculum. Cracking curriculum. What is weight really when you say the weight? Thirtytwo feet per second per second. Law of falling bodies: per second per second. They all fall to the ground. The earth. It's the force of gravity of the earth is the weight. He turned away and sauntered across the road. How did she walk with her sausages? Like that something. As he walked he took the folded Freeman from his sidepocket, unfolded it, rolled it lengthwise in a baton and tapped it at each sauntering step against his trouserleg. Careless air: just drop in to see. Per second per second. Per second for every second it means. From the curbstone he darted a keen glance through the door of the postoffice. Too late box. Post here. No-one. In. He handed the card through the brass grill. —Are there any letters for me? he asked. While the postmistress searched a pigeonhole he gazed at the recruiting poster with soldiers of all arms on parade: and held the tip of his baton against his nostrils, smelling freshprinted rag paper. No answer probably. Went too far last time. The postmistress handed him back through the grill his card with a letter. He thanked her and glanced rapidly at the typed envelope. Henry Flower Esq, c/o P. O. Westland Row, City. Answered anyhow. He slipped card and letter into his sidepocket, reviewing again the soldiers on parade. Where's old Tweedy's regiment? Castoff soldier. There: bearskin cap and hackle plume. No, he's a grenadier. Pointed cuffs. There he is: royal Dublin fusiliers. Redcoats. Too showy. That must be why the women go after them. Uniform. Easier to enlist and drill. Maud Gonne's letter about taking them off O'Connell street at night: disgrace to our Irish capital. Griffith's paper is on the same tack now: an army rotten with venereal disease: overseas or halfseasover empire. Half baked they look: hypnotised like. Eyes front. Mark time. Table: able. Bed: ed. The King's own. Never see him dressed up as a fireman or a bobby. A mason, yes. He strolled out of the postoffice and turned to the right. Talk: as if that would mend matters. His hand went into his pocket and a forefinger felt its way under the flap of the envelope, ripping it open in jerks. Women will pay a lot of heed, I don't think. His fingers drew forth the letter the letter and crumpled the envelope in his pocket. Something pinned on: photo perhaps. Hair? No. M'Coy. Get rid of him quickly. Take me out of my way. Hate company when you. —Hello, Bloom. Where are you off to? —Hello, M'Coy. Nowhere in particular. —How's the body? —Fine. How are you? —Just keeping alive, M'Coy said. His eyes on the black tie and clothes he asked with low respect: —Is there any... no trouble I hope? I see you're... —O, no, Mr Bloom said. Poor Dignam, you know. The funeral is today. —To be sure, poor fellow. So it is. What time? A photo it isn't. A badge maybe. —E... eleven, Mr Bloom answered. —I must try to get out there, M'Coy said. Eleven, is it? I only heard it last night. Who was telling me? Holohan. You know Hoppy? —I know. Mr Bloom gazed across the road at the outsider drawn up before the door of the Grosvenor. The porter hoisted the valise up on the well. She stood still, waiting, while the man, husband, brother, like her, searched his pockets for change. Stylish kind of coat with that roll collar, warm for a day like this, looks like blanketcloth. Careless stand of her with her hands in those patch pockets. Like that haughty creature at the polo match. Women all for caste till you touch the spot. Handsome is and handsome does. Reserved about to yield. The honourable Mrs and Brutus is an honourable man. Possess her once take the starch out of her. —I was with Bob Doran, he's on one of his periodical bends, and what do you call him Bantam Lyons. Just down there in Conway's we were. Doran Lyons in Conway's. She raised a gloved hand to her hair. In came Hoppy. Having a wet. Drawing back his head and gazing far from beneath his vailed eyelids he saw the bright fawn skin shine in the glare, the braided drums. Clearly I can see today. Moisture about gives long sight perhaps. Talking of one thing or another. Lady's hand. Which side will she get up? —And he said: Sad thing about our poor friend Paddy! What Paddy? I said. Poor little Paddy Dignam , he said. Off to the country: Broadstone probably. High brown boots with laces dangling. Wellturned foot. What is he foostering over that change for? Sees me looking. Eye out for other fellow always. Good fallback. Two strings to her bow. — Why? I said. What's wrong with him? I said. Proud: rich: silk stockings. —Yes, Mr Bloom said. He moved a little to the side of M'Coy's talking head. Getting up in a minute. — What's wrong with him ? He said. He's dead , he said. And, faith, he filled up. Is it Paddy Dignam ? I said. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I was with him no later than Friday last or Thursday was it in the Arch. Yes, he said. He's gone. He died on Monday, poor fellow . Watch! Watch! Silk flash rich stockings white. Watch! A heavy tramcar honking its gong slewed between. Lost it. Curse your noisy pugnose. Feels locked out of it. Paradise and the peri. Always happening like that. The very moment. Girl in Eustace street hallway Monday was it settling her garter. Her friend covering the display of esprit de corps . Well, what are you gaping at? —Yes, yes, Mr Bloom said after a dull sigh. Another gone. —One of the best, M'Coy said. The tram passed. They drove off towards the Loop Line bridge, her rich gloved hand on the steel grip. Flicker, flicker: the laceflare of her hat in the sun: flicker, flick. —Wife well, I suppose? M'Coy's changed voice said. —O, yes, Mr Bloom said. Tiptop, thanks. He unrolled the newspaper baton idly and read idly: What is home without Plumtree's Potted Meat? Incomplete With it an abode of bliss. —My missus has just got an engagement. At least it's not settled yet. Valise tack again. By the way no harm. I'm off that, thanks. Mr Bloom turned his largelidded eyes with unhasty friendliness. —My wife too, he said. She's going to sing at a swagger affair in the Ulster Hall, Belfast, on the twenty-fifth. —That so? M'Coy said. Glad to hear that, old man. Who's getting it up? Mrs Marion Bloom. Not up yet. Queen was in her bedroom eating bread and. No book. Blackened court cards laid along her thigh by sevens. Dark lady and fair man. Letter. Cat furry black ball. Torn strip of envelope. —It's a kind of a tour, don't you see, Mr Bloom said thoughtfully. Sweeeet song . There's a committee formed. Part shares and part profits. M'Coy nodded, picking at his moustache stubble. —O, well, he said. That's good news. He moved to go. —Well, glad to see you looking fit, he said. Meet you knocking around. —Yes, Mr Bloom said. —Tell you what, M'Coy said. You might put down my name at the funeral, will you? I'd like to go but I mightn't be able, you see. There's a drowning case at Sandycove may turn up and then the coroner and myself would have to go down if the body is found. You just shove in my name if I'm not there, will you? —I'll do that, Mr Bloom said, moving to get off. That'll be all right. —Right, M'Coy said brightly. Thanks, old man. I'd go if I possibly could. Well, tolloll. Just C. P. M'Coy will do. —That will be done, Mr Bloom answered firmly. Didn't catch me napping that wheeze. The quick touch. Soft mark. I'd like my job. Valise I have a particular fancy for. Leather. Capped corners, rivetted edges, double action lever lock. Bob Cowley lent him his for the Wicklow regatta concert last year and never heard tidings of it from that good day to this. Mr Bloom, strolling towards Brunswick street, smiled. My missus has just got an. Reedy freckled soprano. Cheeseparing nose. Nice enough in its way: for a little ballad. No guts in it. You and me, don't you know: in the same boat. Softsoaping. Give you the needle that would. Can't he hear the difference? Think he's that way inclined a bit. Against my grain somehow. Thought that Belfast would fetch him. I hope that smallpox up there doesn't get worse. Suppose she wouldn't let herself be vaccinated again. Your wife and my wife. Wonder is he pimping after me? Mr Bloom stood at the corner, his eyes wandering over the multicoloured hoardings. Cantrell and Cochrane's Ginger Ale (Aromatic). Clery's Summer Sale. No, he's going on straight. Hello. Leah tonight. Mrs Bandmann Palmer. Like to see her again in that. Hamlet she played last night. Male impersonator. Perhaps he was a woman. Why Ophelia committed suicide. Poor papa! How he used to talk of Kate Bateman in that. Outside the Adelphi in London waited all the afternoon to get in. Year before I was born that was: sixtyfive. And Ristori in Vienna. What is this the right name is? By Mosenthal it is. Rachel, is it? No. The scene he was always talking about where the old blind Abraham recognises the voice and puts his fingers on his face. Nathan's voice! His son's voice! I hear the voice of Nathan who left his father to die of grief and misery in my arms, who left the house of his father and left the God of his father. Every word is so deep, Leopold. Poor papa! Poor man! I'm glad I didn't go into the room to look at his face. That day! O, dear! O, dear! Ffoo! Well, perhaps it was best for him. Mr Bloom went round the corner and passed the drooping nags of the hazard. No use thinking of it any more. Nosebag time. Wish I hadn't met that M'Coy fellow. He came nearer and heard a crunching of gilded oats, the gently champing teeth. Their full buck eyes regarded him as he went by, amid the sweet oaten reek of horsepiss. Their Eldorado. Poor jugginses! Damn all they know or care about anything with their long noses stuck in nosebags. Too full for words. Still they get their feed all right and their doss. Gelded too: a stump of black guttapercha wagging limp between their haunches. Might be happy all the same that way. Good poor brutes they look. Still their neigh can be very irritating. He drew the letter from his pocket and folded it into the newspaper he carried. Might just walk into her here. The lane is safer. He passed the cabman's shelter. Curious the life of drifting cabbies. All weathers, all places, time or setdown, no will of their own. Voglio e non . Like to give them an odd cigarette. Sociable. Shout a few flying syllables as they pass. He hummed: He turned into Cumberland street and, going on some paces, halted in the lee of the station wall. No-one. Meade's timberyard. Piled balks. Ruins and tenements. With careful tread he passed over a hopscotch court with its forgotten pickeystone. Not a sinner. Near the timberyard a squatted child at marbles, alone, shooting the taw with a cunnythumb. A wise tabby, a blinking sphinx, watched from her warm sill. Pity to disturb them. Mohammed cut a piece out of his mantle not to wake her. Open it. And once I played marbles when I went to that old dame's school. She liked mignonette. Mrs Ellis's. And Mr? He opened the letter within the newspaper. A flower. I think it's a. A yellow flower with flattened petals. Not annoyed then? What does she say? Dear Henry I got your last letter to me and thank you very much for it. I am sorry you did not like my last letter. Why did you enclose the stamps? I am awfully angry with you. I do wish I could punish you for that. I called you naughty boy because I do not like that other world. Please tell me what is the real meaning of that word? Are you not happy in your home you poor little naughty boy? I do wish I could do something for you. Please tell me what you think of poor me. I often think of the beautiful name you have. Dear Henry, when will we meet? I think of you so often you have no idea. I have never felt myself so much drawn to a man as you. I feel so bad about. Please write me a long letter and tell me more. Remember if you do not I will punish you. So now you know what I will do to you, you naughty boy, if you do not wrote. O how I long to meet you. Henry dear, do not deny my request before my patience are exhausted. Then I will tell you all. Goodbye now, naughty darling, I have such a bad headache. today. and write by return to your longing Martha P. S. Do tell me what kind of perfume does your wife use. I want to know. He tore the flower gravely from its pinhold smelt its almost no smell and placed it in his heart pocket. Language of flowers. They like it because no-one can hear. Or a poison bouquet to strike him down. Then walking slowly forward he read the letter again, murmuring here and there a word. Angry tulips with you darling manflower punish your cactus if you don't please poor forgetmenot how I long violets to dear roses when we soon anemone meet all naughty nightstalk wife Martha's perfume. Having read it all he took it from the newspaper and put it back in his sidepocket. Weak joy opened his lips. Changed since the first letter. Wonder did she wrote it herself. Doing the indignant: a girl of good family like me, respectable character. Could meet one Sunday after the rosary. Thank you: not having any. Usual love scrimmage. Then running round corners. Bad as a row with Molly. Cigar has a cooling effect. Narcotic. Go further next time. Naughty boy: punish: afraid of words, of course. Brutal, why not? Try it anyhow. A bit at a time. Fingering still the letter in his pocket he drew the pin out of it. Common pin, eh? He threw it on the road. Out of her clothes somewhere: pinned together. Queer the number of pins they always have. No roses without thorns. Flat Dublin voices bawled in his head. Those two sluts that night in the Coombe, linked together in the rain. It? Them. Such a bad headache. Has her roses probably. Or sitting all day typing. Eyefocus bad for stomach nerves. What perfume does your wife use. Now could you make out a thing like that? Martha, Mary. I saw that picture somewhere I forget now old master or faked for money. He is sitting in their house, talking. Mysterious. Also the two sluts in the Coombe would listen. Nice kind of evening feeling. No more wandering about. Just loll there: quiet dusk: let everything rip. Forget. Tell about places you have been, strange customs. The other one, jar on her head, was getting the supper: fruit, olives, lovely cool water out of a well, stonecold like the hole in the wall at Ashtown. Must carry a paper goblet next time I go to the trottingmatches. She listens with big dark soft eyes. Tell her: more and more: all. Then a sigh: silence. Long long long rest. Going under the railway arch he took out the envelope, tore it swiftly in shreds and scattered them towards the road. The shreds fluttered away, sank in the dank air: a white flutter, then all sank. Henry Flower. You could tear up a cheque for a hundred pounds in the same way. Simple bit of paper. Lord Iveagh once cashed a sevenfigure cheque for a million in the bank of Ireland. Shows you the money to be made out of porter. Still the other brother lord Ardilaun has to change his shirt four times a day, they say. Skin breeds lice or vermin. A million pounds, wait a moment. Twopence a pint, fourpence a quart, eightpence a gallon of porter, no, one and fourpence a gallon of porter. One and four into twenty: fifteen about. Yes, exactly. Fifteen millions of barrels of porter. What am I saying barrels? Gallons. About a million barrels all the same. An incoming train clanked heavily above his head, coach after coach. Barrels bumped in his head: dull porter slopped and churned inside. The bungholes sprang open and a huge dull flood leaked out, flowing together, winding through mudflats all over the level land, a lazy pooling swirl of liquor bearing along wideleaved flowers of its froth. He had reached the open backdoor of All Hallows. Stepping into the porch he doffed his hat, took the card from his pocket and tucked it again behind the leather headband. Damn it. I might have tried to work M'Coy for a pass to Mullingar. Same notice on the door. Sermon by the very reverend John Conmee S.J. on saint Peter Claver S.J. and the African Mission. Prayers for the conversion of Gladstone they had too when he was almost unconscious. The protestants are the same. Convert Dr William J. Walsh D.D. to the true religion. Save China's millions. Wonder how they explain it to the heathen Chinee. Prefer an ounce of opium. Celestials. Rank heresy for them. Buddha their god lying on his side in the museum. Taking it easy with hand under his cheek. Josssticks burning. Not like Ecce Homo. Crown of thorns and cross. Clever idea Saint Patrick the shamrock. Chopsticks? Conmee: Martin Cunningham knows him: distinguishedlooking. Sorry I didn't work him about getting Molly into the choir instead of that Father Farley who looked a fool but wasn't. They're taught that. He's not going out in bluey specs with the sweat rolling off him to baptise blacks, is he? The glasses would take their fancy, flashing. Like to see them sitting round in a ring with blub lips, entranced, listening. Still life. Lap it up like milk, I suppose. The cold smell of sacred stone called him. He trod the worn steps, pushed the swingdoor and entered softly by the rere. Something going on: some sodality. Pity so empty. Nice discreet place to be next some girl. Who is my neighbour? Jammed by the hour to slow music. That woman at midnight mass. Seventh heaven. Women knelt in the benches with crimson halters round their necks, heads bowed. A batch knelt at the altarrails. The priest went along by them, murmuring, holding the thing in his hands. He stopped at each, took out a communion, shook a drop or two (are they in water?) off it and put it neatly into her mouth. Her hat and head sank. Then the next one. Her hat sank at once. Then the next one: a small old woman. The priest bent down to put it into her mouth, murmuring all the time. Latin. The next one. Shut your eyes and open your mouth. What? Corpus: body. Corpse. Good idea the Latin. Stupefies them first. Hospice for the dying. They don't seem to chew it: only swallow it down. Rum idea: eating bits of a corpse. Why the cannibals cotton to it. He stood aside watching their blind masks pass down the aisle, one by one, and seek their places. He approached a bench and seated himself in its corner, nursing his hat and newspaper. These pots we have to wear. We ought to have hats modelled on our heads. They were about him here and there, with heads still bowed in their crimson halters, waiting for it to melt in their stomachs. Something like those mazzoth: it's that sort of bread: unleavened shewbread. Look at them. Now I bet it makes them feel happy. Lollipop. It does. Yes, bread of angels it's called. There's a big idea behind it, kind of kingdom of God is within you feel. First communicants. Hokypoky penny a lump. Then feel all like one family party, same in the theatre, all in the same swim. They do. I'm sure of that. Not so lonely. In our confraternity. Then come out a bit spreeish. Let off steam. Thing is if you really believe in it. Lourdes cure, waters of oblivion, and the Knock apparition, statues bleeding. Old fellow asleep near that confessionbox. Hence those snores. Blind faith. Safe in the arms of kingdom come. Lulls all pain. Wake this time next year. He saw the priest stow the communion cup away, well in, and kneel an instant before it, showing a large grey bootsole from under the lace affair he had on. Suppose he lost the pin of his. He wouldn't know what to do to. Bald spot behind. Letters on his back: I.N.R.I? No: I.H.S. Molly told me one time I asked her. I have sinned: or no: I have suffered, it is. And the other one? Iron nails ran in. Meet one Sunday after the rosary. Do not deny my request. Turn up with a veil and black bag. Dusk and the light behind her. She might be here with a ribbon round her neck and do the other thing all the same on the sly. Their character. That fellow that turned queen's evidence on the invincibles he used to receive the, Carey was his name, the communion every morning. This very church. Peter Carey, yes. No, Peter Claver I am thinking of. Denis Carey. And just imagine that. Wife and six children at home. And plotting that murder all the time. Those crawthumpers, now that's a good name for them, there's always something shiftylooking about them. They're not straight men of business either. O, no, she's not here: the flower: no, no. By the way, did I tear up that envelope? Yes: under the bridge. The priest was rinsing out the chalice: then he tossed off the dregs smartly. Wine. Makes it more aristocratic than for example if he drank what they are used to Guinness's porter or some temperance beverage Wheatley's Dublin hop bitters or Cantrell and Cochrane's ginger ale (aromatic). Doesn't give them any of it: shew wine: only the other. Cold comfort. Pious fraud but quite right: otherwise they'd have one old booser worse than another coming along, cadging for a drink. Queer the whole atmosphere of the. Quite right. Perfectly right that is. Mr Bloom looked back towards the choir. Not going to be any music. Pity. Who has the organ here I wonder? Old Glynn he knew how to make that instrument talk, the vibrato : fifty pounds a year they say he had in Gardiner street. Molly was in fine voice that day, the Stabat Mater of Rossini. Father Bernard Vaughan's sermon first. Christ or Pilate? Christ, but don't keep us all night over it. Music they wanted. Footdrill stopped. Could hear a pin drop. I told her to pitch her voice against that corner. I could feel the thrill in the air, the full, the people looking up: Quis est homo. Some of that old sacred music splendid. Mercadante: seven last words. Mozart's twelfth mass: Gloria in that. Those old popes keen on music, on art and statues and pictures of all kinds. Palestrina for example too. They had a gay old time while it lasted. Healthy too, chanting, regular hours, then brew liqueurs. Benedictine. Green Chartreuse. Still, having eunuchs in their choir that was coming it a bit thick. What kind of voice is it? Must be curious to hear after their own strong basses. Connoisseurs. Suppose they wouldn't feel anything after. Kind of a placid. No worry. Fall into flesh, don't they? Gluttons, tall, long legs. Who knows? Eunuch. One way out of it. He saw the priest bend down and kiss the altar and then face about and bless all the people. All crossed themselves and stood up. Mr Bloom glanced about him and then stood up, looking over the risen hats. Stand up at the gospel of course. Then all settled down on their knees again and he sat back quietly in his bench. The priest came down from the altar, holding the thing out from him, and he and the massboy answered each other in Latin. Then the priest knelt down and began to read off a card: —O God, our refuge and our strength... Mr Bloom put his face forward to catch the words. English. Throw them the bone. I remember slightly. How long since your last mass? Glorious and immaculate virgin. Joseph, her spouse. Peter and Paul. More interesting if you understood what it was all about. Wonderful organisation certainly, goes like clockwork. Confession. Everyone wants to. Then I will tell you all. Penance. Punish me, please. Great weapon in their hands. More than doctor or solicitor. Woman dying to. And I schschschschschsch. And did you chachachachacha? And why did you? Look down at her ring to find an excuse. Whispering gallery walls have ears. Husband learn to his surprise. God's little joke. Then out she comes. Repentance skindeep. Lovely shame. Pray at an altar. Hail Mary and Holy Mary. Flowers, incense, candles melting. Hide her blushes. Salvation army blatant imitation. Reformed prostitute will address the meeting. How I found the Lord. Squareheaded chaps those must be in Rome: they work the whole show. And don't they rake in the money too? Bequests also: to the P.P. for the time being in his absolute discretion. Masses for the repose of my soul to be said publicly with open doors. Monasteries and convents. The priest in that Fermanagh will case in the witnessbox. No browbeating him. He had his answer pat for everything. Liberty and exaltation of our holy mother the church. The doctors of the church: they mapped out the whole theology of it. The priest prayed: —Blessed Michael, archangel, defend us in the hour of conflict. Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil (may God restrain him, we humbly pray!): and do thou, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God thrust Satan down to hell and with him those other wicked spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. The priest and the massboy stood up and walked off. All over. The women remained behind: thanksgiving. Better be shoving along. Brother Buzz. Come around with the plate perhaps. Pay your Easter duty. He stood up. Hello. Were those two buttons of my waistcoat open all the time? Women enjoy it. Never tell you. But we. Excuse, miss, there's a (whh!) just a (whh!) fluff. Or their skirt behind, placket unhooked. Glimpses of the moon. Annoyed if you don't. Why didn't you tell me before. Still like you better untidy. Good job it wasn't farther south. He passed, discreetly buttoning, down the aisle and out through the main door into the light. He stood a moment unseeing by the cold black marble bowl while before him and behind two worshippers dipped furtive hands in the low tide of holy water. Trams: a car of Prescott's dyeworks: a widow in her weeds. Notice because I'm in mourning myself. He covered himself. How goes the time? Quarter past. Time enough yet. Better get that lotion made up. Where is this? Ah yes, the last time. Sweny's in Lincoln place. Chemists rarely move. Their green and gold beaconjars too heavy to stir. Hamilton Long's, founded in the year of the flood. Huguenot churchyard near there. Visit some day. He walked southward along Westland row. But the recipe is in the other trousers. O, and I forgot that latchkey too. Bore this funeral affair. O well, poor fellow, it's not his fault. When was it I got it made up last? Wait. I changed a sovereign I remember. First of the month it must have been or the second. O, he can look it up in the prescriptions book. The chemist turned back page after page. Sandy shrivelled smell he seems to have. Shrunken skull. And old. Quest for the philosopher's stone. The alchemists. Drugs age you after mental excitement. Lethargy then. Why? Reaction. A lifetime in a night. Gradually changes your character. Living all the day among herbs, ointments, disinfectants. All his alabaster lilypots. Mortar and pestle. Aq. Dist. Fol. Laur. Te Virid. Smell almost cure you like the dentist's doorbell. Doctor Whack. He ought to physic himself a bit. Electuary or emulsion. The first fellow that picked an herb to cure himself had a bit of pluck. Simples. Want to be careful. Enough stuff here to chloroform you. Test: turns blue litmus paper red. Chloroform. Overdose of laudanum. Sleeping draughts. Lovephiltres. Paragoric poppysyrup bad for cough. Clogs the pores or the phlegm. Poisons the only cures. Remedy where you least expect it. Clever of nature. —About a fortnight ago, sir? —Yes, Mr Bloom said. He waited by the counter, inhaling slowly the keen reek of drugs, the dusty dry smell of sponges and loofahs. Lot of time taken up telling your aches and pains. —Sweet almond oil and tincture of benzoin, Mr Bloom said, and then orangeflower water... It certainly did make her skin so delicate white like wax. —And white wax also, he said. Brings out the darkness of her eyes. Looking at me, the sheet up to her eyes, Spanish, smelling herself, when I was fixing the links in my cuffs. Those homely recipes are often the best: strawberries for the teeth: nettles and rainwater: oatmeal they say steeped in buttermilk. Skinfood. One of the old queen's sons, duke of Albany was it? had only one skin. Leopold, yes. Three we have. Warts, bunions and pimples to make it worse. But you want a perfume too. What perfume does your? Peau d'Espagne . That orangeflower water is so fresh. Nice smell these soaps have. Pure curd soap. Time to get a bath round the corner. Hammam. Turkish. Massage. Dirt gets rolled up in your navel. Nicer if a nice girl did it. Also I think I. Yes I. Do it in the bath. Curious longing I. Water to water. Combine business with pleasure. Pity no time for massage. Feel fresh then all the day. Funeral be rather glum. —Yes, sir, the chemist said. That was two and nine. Have you brought a bottle? —No, Mr Bloom said. Make it up, please. I'll call later in the day and I'll take one of these soaps. How much are they? —Fourpence, sir. Mr Bloom raised a cake to his nostrils. Sweet lemony wax. —I'll take this one, he said. That makes three and a penny. —Yes, sir, the chemist said. You can pay all together, sir, when you come back. —Good, Mr Bloom said. He strolled out of the shop, the newspaper baton under his armpit, the coolwrappered soap in his left hand. At his armpit Bantam Lyons' voice and hand said: —Hello, Bloom. What's the best news? Is that today's? Show us a minute. Shaved off his moustache again, by Jove! Long cold upper lip. To look younger. He does look balmy. Younger than I am. Bantam Lyons's yellow blacknailed fingers unrolled the baton. Wants a wash too. Take off the rough dirt. Good morning, have you used Pears' soap? Dandruff on his shoulders. Scalp wants oiling. —I want to see about that French horse that's running today, Bantam Lyons said. Where the bugger is it? He rustled the pleated pages, jerking his chin on his high collar. Barber's itch. Tight collar he'll lose his hair. Better leave him the paper and get shut of him. —You can keep it, Mr Bloom said. —Ascot. Gold cup. Wait, Bantam Lyons muttered. Half a mo. Maximum the second. —I was just going to throw it away, Mr Bloom said. Bantam Lyons raised his eyes suddenly and leered weakly. —What's that? his sharp voice said. —I say you can keep it, Mr Bloom answered. I was going to throw it away that moment. Bantam Lyons doubted an instant, leering: then thrust the outspread sheets back on Mr Bloom's arms. —I'll risk it, he said. Here, thanks. He sped off towards Conway's corner. God speed scut. Mr Bloom folded the sheets again to a neat square and lodged the soap in it, smiling. Silly lips of that chap. Betting. Regular hotbed of it lately. Messenger boys stealing to put on sixpence. Raffle for large tender turkey. Your Christmas dinner for threepence. Jack Fleming embezzling to gamble then smuggled off to America. Keeps a hotel now. They never come back. Fleshpots of Egypt. He walked cheerfully towards the mosque of the baths. Remind you of a mosque, redbaked bricks, the minarets. College sports today I see. He eyed the horseshoe poster over the gate of college park: cyclist doubled up like a cod in a pot. Damn bad ad. Now if they had made it round like a wheel. Then the spokes: sports, sports, sports: and the hub big: college. Something to catch the eye. There's Hornblower standing at the porter's lodge. Keep him on hands: might take a turn in there on the nod. How do you do, Mr Hornblower? How do you do, sir? Heavenly weather really. If life was always like that. Cricket weather. Sit around under sunshades. Over after over. Out. They can't play it here. Duck for six wickets. Still Captain Culler broke a window in the Kildare street club with a slog to square leg. Donnybrook fair more in their line. And the skulls we were acracking when M'Carthy took the floor. Heatwave. Won't last. Always passing, the stream of life, which in the stream of life we trace is dearer than them all. Enjoy a bath now: clean trough of water, cool enamel, the gentle tepid stream. This is my body. He foresaw his pale body reclined in it at full, naked, in a womb of warmth, oiled by scented melting soap, softly laved. He saw his trunk and limbs riprippled over and sustained, buoyed lightly upward, lemonyellow: his navel, bud of flesh: and saw the dark tangled curls of his bush floating, floating hair of the stream around the limp father of thousands, a languid floating flower. Martin Cunningham, first, poked his silkhatted head into the creaking carriage and, entering deftly, seated himself. Mr Power stepped in after him, curving his height with care. —Come on, Simon. —After you, Mr Bloom said. Mr Dedalus covered himself quickly and got in, saying: Yes, yes. —Are we all here now? Martin Cunningham asked. Come along, Bloom. Mr Bloom entered and sat in the vacant place. He pulled the door to after him and slammed it twice till it shut tight. He passed an arm through the armstrap and looked seriously from the open carriagewindow at the lowered blinds of the avenue. One dragged aside: an old woman peeping. Nose whiteflattened against the pane. Thanking her stars she was passed over. Extraordinary the interest they take in a corpse. Glad to see us go we give them such trouble coming. Job seems to suit them. Huggermugger in corners. Slop about in slipperslappers for fear he'd wake. Then getting it ready. Laying it out. Molly and Mrs Fleming making the bed. Pull it more to your side. Our windingsheet. Never know who will touch you dead. Wash and shampoo. I believe they clip the nails and the hair. Keep a bit in an envelope. Grows all the same after. Unclean job. All waited. Nothing was said. Stowing in the wreaths probably. I am sitting on something hard. Ah, that soap: in my hip pocket. Better shift it out of that. Wait for an opportunity. All waited. Then wheels were heard from in front, turning: then nearer: then horses' hoofs. A jolt. Their carriage began to move, creaking and swaying. Other hoofs and creaking wheels started behind. The blinds of the avenue passed and number nine with its craped knocker, door ajar. At walking pace. They waited still, their knees jogging, till they had turned and were passing along the tramtracks. Tritonville road. Quicker. The wheels rattled rolling over the cobbled causeway and the crazy glasses shook rattling in the doorframes. —What way is he taking us? Mr Power asked through both windows. —Irishtown, Martin Cunningham said. Ringsend. Brunswick street. Mr Dedalus nodded, looking out. —That's a fine old custom, he said. I am glad to see it has not died out. All watched awhile through their windows caps and hats lifted by passers. Respect. The carriage swerved from the tramtrack to the smoother road past Watery lane. Mr Bloom at gaze saw a lithe young man, clad in mourning, a wide hat. —There's a friend of yours gone by, Dedalus, he said. —Who is that? —Your son and heir. —Where is he? Mr Dedalus said, stretching over across. The carriage, passing the open drains and mounds of rippedup roadway before the tenement houses, lurched round the corner and, swerving back to the tramtrack, rolled on noisily with chattering wheels. Mr Dedalus fell back, saying: —Was that Mulligan cad with him? His fidus Achates ! —No, Mr Bloom said. He was alone. —Down with his aunt Sally, I suppose, Mr Dedalus said, the Goulding faction, the drunken little costdrawer and Crissie, papa's little lump of dung, the wise child that knows her own father. Mr Bloom smiled joylessly on Ringsend road. Wallace Bros: the bottleworks: Dodder bridge. Richie Goulding and the legal bag. Goulding, Collis and Ward he calls the firm. His jokes are getting a bit damp. Great card he was. Waltzing in Stamer street with Ignatius Gallaher on a Sunday morning, the landlady's two hats pinned on his head. Out on the rampage all night. Beginning to tell on him now: that backache of his, I fear. Wife ironing his back. Thinks he'll cure it with pills. All breadcrumbs they are. About six hundred per cent profit. —He's in with a lowdown crowd, Mr Dedalus snarled. That Mulligan is a contaminated bloody doubledyed ruffian by all accounts. His name stinks all over Dublin. But with the help of God and His blessed mother I'll make it my business to write a letter one of those days to his mother or his aunt or whatever she is that will open her eye as wide as a gate. I'll tickle his catastrophe, believe you me. He cried above the clatter of the wheels: —I won't have her bastard of a nephew ruin my son. A counterjumper's son. Selling tapes in my cousin, Peter Paul M'Swiney's. Not likely. He ceased. Mr Bloom glanced from his angry moustache to Mr Power's mild face and Martin Cunningham's eyes and beard, gravely shaking. Noisy selfwilled man. Full of his son. He is right. Something to hand on. If little Rudy had lived. See him grow up. Hear his voice in the house. Walking beside Molly in an Eton suit. My son. Me in his eyes. Strange feeling it would be. From me. Just a chance. Must have been that morning in Raymond terrace she was at the window watching the two dogs at it by the wall of the cease to do evil. And the sergeant grinning up. She had that cream gown on with the rip she never stitched. Give us a touch, Poldy. God, I'm dying for it. How life begins. Got big then. Had to refuse the Greystones concert. My son inside her. I could have helped him on in life. I could. Make him independent. Learn German too. —Are we late? Mr Power asked. —Ten minutes, Martin Cunningham said, looking at his watch. Molly. Milly. Same thing watered down. Her tomboy oaths. O jumping Jupiter! Ye gods and little fishes! Still, she's a dear girl. Soon be a woman. Mullingar. Dearest Papli. Young student. Yes, yes: a woman too. Life, life. The carriage heeled over and back, their four trunks swaying. —Corny might have given us a more commodious yoke, Mr Power said. —He might, Mr Dedalus said, if he hadn't that squint troubling him. Do you follow me? He closed his left eye. Martin Cunningham began to brush away crustcrumbs from under his thighs. —What is this, he said, in the name of God? Crumbs? —Someone seems to have been making a picnic party here lately, Mr Power said. All raised their thighs and eyed with disfavour the mildewed buttonless leather of the seats. Mr Dedalus, twisting his nose, frowned downward and said: —Unless I'm greatly mistaken. What do you think, Martin? —It struck me too, Martin Cunningham said. Mr Bloom set his thigh down. Glad I took that bath. Feel my feet quite clean. But I wish Mrs Fleming had darned these socks better. Mr Dedalus sighed resignedly. —After all, he said, it's the most natural thing in the world. —Did Tom Kernan turn up? Martin Cunningham asked, twirling the peak of his beard gently. —Yes, Mr Bloom answered. He's behind with Ned Lambert and Hynes. —And Corny Kelleher himself? Mr Power asked. —At the cemetery, Martin Cunningham said. —I met M'Coy this morning, Mr Bloom said. He said he'd try to come. The carriage halted short. —What's wrong? —We're stopped. —Where are we? Mr Bloom put his head out of the window. —The grand canal, he said. Gasworks. Whooping cough they say it cures. Good job Milly never got it. Poor children! Doubles them up black and blue in convulsions. Shame really. Got off lightly with illnesses compared. Only measles. Flaxseed tea. Scarlatina, influenza epidemics. Canvassing for death. Don't miss this chance. Dogs' home over there. Poor old Athos! Be good to Athos, Leopold, is my last wish. Thy will be done. We obey them in the grave. A dying scrawl. He took it to heart, pined away. Quiet brute. Old men's dogs usually are. A raindrop spat on his hat. He drew back and saw an instant of shower spray dots over the grey flags. Apart. Curious. Like through a colander. I thought it would. My boots were creaking I remember now. —The weather is changing, he said quietly. —A pity it did not keep up fine, Martin Cunningham said. —Wanted for the country, Mr Power said. There's the sun again coming out. Mr Dedalus, peering through his glasses towards the veiled sun, hurled a mute curse at the sky. —It's as uncertain as a child's bottom, he said. —We're off again. The carriage turned again its stiff wheels and their trunks swayed gently. Martin Cunningham twirled more quickly the peak of his beard. —Tom Kernan was immense last night, he said. And Paddy Leonard taking him off to his face. —O, draw him out, Martin, Mr Power said eagerly. Wait till you hear him, Simon, on Ben Dollard's singing of The Croppy Boy . —Immense, Martin Cunningham said pompously. His singing of that simple ballad, Martin, is the most trenchant rendering I ever heard in the whole course of my experience. —Trenchant, Mr Power said laughing. He's dead nuts on that. And the retrospective arrangement. —Did you read Dan Dawson's speech? Martin Cunningham asked. —I did not then, Mr Dedalus said. Where is it? —In the paper this morning. Mr Bloom took the paper from his inside pocket. That book I must change for her. —No, no, Mr Dedalus said quickly. Later on please. Mr Bloom's glance travelled down the edge of the paper, scanning the deaths: Callan, Coleman, Dignam, Fawcett, Lowry, Naumann, Peake, what Peake is that? is it the chap was in Crosbie and Alleyne's? no, Sexton, Urbright. Inked characters fast fading on the frayed breaking paper. Thanks to the Little Flower. Sadly missed. To the inexpressible grief of his. Aged 88 after a long and tedious illness. Month's mind: Quinlan. On whose soul Sweet Jesus have mercy. It is now a month since dear Henry fled To his home up above in the sky While his family weeps and mourns his loss Hoping some day to meet him on high. I tore up the envelope? Yes. Where did I put her letter after I read it in the bath? He patted his waistcoatpocket. There all right. Dear Henry fled. Before my patience are exhausted. National school. Meade's yard. The hazard. Only two there now. Nodding. Full as a tick. Too much bone in their skulls. The other trotting round with a fare. An hour ago I was passing there. The jarvies raised their hats. A pointsman's back straightened itself upright suddenly against a tramway standard by Mr Bloom's window. Couldn't they invent something automatic so that the wheel itself much handier? Well but that fellow would lose his job then? Well but then another fellow would get a job making the new invention? Antient concert rooms. Nothing on there. A man in a buff suit with a crape armlet. Not much grief there. Quarter mourning. People in law perhaps. They went past the bleak pulpit of saint Mark's, under the railway bridge, past the Queen's theatre: in silence. Hoardings: Eugene Stratton, Mrs Bandmann Palmer. Could I go to see LEAH tonight, I wonder. I said I. Or the Lily of Killarney ? Elster Grimes Opera Company. Big powerful change. Wet bright bills for next week. Fun on the Bristol . Martin Cunningham could work a pass for the Gaiety. Have to stand a drink or two. As broad as it's long. He's coming in the afternoon. Her songs. Plasto's. Sir Philip Crampton's memorial fountain bust. Who was he? —How do you do? Martin Cunningham said, raising his palm to his brow in salute. —He doesn't see us, Mr Power said. Yes, he does. How do you do? —Who? Mr Dedalus asked. —Blazes Boylan, Mr Power said. There he is airing his quiff. Just that moment I was thinking. Mr Dedalus bent across to salute. From the door of the Red Bank the white disc of a straw hat flashed reply: spruce figure: passed. Mr Bloom reviewed the nails of his left hand, then those of his right hand. The nails, yes. Is there anything more in him that they she sees? Fascination. Worst man in Dublin. That keeps him alive. They sometimes feel what a person is. Instinct. But a type like that. My nails. I am just looking at them: well pared. And after: thinking alone. Body getting a bit softy. I would notice that: from remembering. What causes that? I suppose the skin can't contract quickly enough when the flesh falls off. But the shape is there. The shape is there still. Shoulders. Hips. Plump. Night of the dance dressing. Shift stuck between the cheeks behind. He clasped his hands between his knees and, satisfied, sent his vacant glance over their faces. Mr Power asked: —How is the concert tour getting on, Bloom? —O, very well, Mr Bloom said. I hear great accounts of it. It's a good idea, you see... —Are you going yourself? —Well no, Mr Bloom said. In point of fact I have to go down to the county Clare on some private business. You see the idea is to tour the chief towns. What you lose on one you can make up on the other. —Quite so, Martin Cunningham said. Mary Anderson is up there now. Have you good artists? —Louis Werner is touring her, Mr Bloom said. O yes, we'll have all topnobbers. J. C. Doyle and John MacCormack I hope and. The best, in fact. —And Madame , Mr Power said smiling. Last but not least. Mr Bloom unclasped his hands in a gesture of soft politeness and clasped them. Smith O'Brien. Someone has laid a bunch of flowers there. Woman. Must be his deathday. For many happy returns. The carriage wheeling by Farrell's statue united noiselessly their unresisting knees. Oot: a dullgarbed old man from the curbstone tendered his wares, his mouth opening: oot. —Four bootlaces for a penny. Wonder why he was struck off the rolls. Had his office in Hume street. Same house as Molly's namesake, Tweedy, crown solicitor for Waterford. Has that silk hat ever since. Relics of old decency. Mourning too. Terrible comedown, poor wretch! Kicked about like snuff at a wake. O'Callaghan on his last legs. And Madame . Twenty past eleven. Up. Mrs Fleming is in to clean. Doing her hair, humming. voglio e non vorrei . No. vorrei e non . Looking at the tips of her hairs to see if they are split. Mi trema un poco il . Beautiful on that tre her voice is: weeping tone. A thrush. A throstle. There is a word throstle that expresses that. His eyes passed lightly over Mr Power's goodlooking face. Greyish over the ears. Madame : smiling. I smiled back. A smile goes a long way. Only politeness perhaps. Nice fellow. Who knows is that true about the woman he keeps? Not pleasant for the wife. Yet they say, who was it told me, there is no carnal. You would imagine that would get played out pretty quick. Yes, it was Crofton met him one evening bringing her a pound of rumpsteak. What is this she was? Barmaid in Jury's. Or the Moira, was it? They passed under the hugecloaked Liberator's form. Martin Cunningham nudged Mr Power. —Of the tribe of Reuben, he said. A tall blackbearded figure, bent on a stick, stumping round the corner of Elvery's Elephant house, showed them a curved hand open on his spine. —In all his pristine beauty, Mr Power said. Mr Dedalus looked after the stumping figure and said mildly: —The devil break the hasp of your back! Mr Power, collapsing in laughter, shaded his face from the window as the carriage passed Gray's statue. —We have all been there, Martin Cunningham said broadly. His eyes met Mr Bloom's eyes. He caressed his beard, adding: —Well, nearly all of us. Mr Bloom began to speak with sudden eagerness to his companions' faces. —That's an awfully good one that's going the rounds about Reuben J and the son. —About the boatman? Mr Power asked. —Yes. Isn't it awfully good? —What is that? Mr Dedalus asked. I didn't hear it. —There was a girl in the case, Mr Bloom began, and he determined to send him to the Isle of Man out of harm's way but when they were both ... —What? Mr Dedalus asked. That confirmed bloody hobbledehoy is it? —Yes, Mr Bloom said. They were both on the way to the boat and he tried to drown... —Drown Barabbas! Mr Dedalus cried. I wish to Christ he did! Mr Power sent a long laugh down his shaded nostrils. —No, Mr Bloom said, the son himself... Martin Cunningham thwarted his speech rudely: —Reuben and the son were piking it down the quay next the river on their way to the Isle of Man boat and the young chiseller suddenly got loose and over the wall with him into the Liffey. —For God's sake! Mr Dedalus exclaimed in fright. Is he dead? —Dead! Martin Cunningham cried. Not he! A boatman got a pole and fished him out by the slack of the breeches and he was landed up to the father on the quay more dead than alive. Half the town was there. —Yes, Mr Bloom said. But the funny part is... —And Reuben J, Martin Cunningham said, gave the boatman a florin for saving his son's life. A stifled sigh came from under Mr Power's hand. —O, he did, Martin Cunningham affirmed. Like a hero. A silver florin. —Isn't it awfully good? Mr Bloom said eagerly. —One and eightpence too much, Mr Dedalus said drily. Mr Power's choked laugh burst quietly in the carriage. Nelson's pillar. —Eight plums a penny! Eight for a penny! —We had better look a little serious, Martin Cunningham said. Mr Dedalus sighed. —Ah then indeed, he said, poor little Paddy wouldn't grudge us a laugh. Many a good one he told himself. —The Lord forgive me! Mr Power said, wiping his wet eyes with his fingers. Poor Paddy! I little thought a week ago when I saw him last and he was in his usual health that I'd be driving after him like this. He's gone from us. —As decent a little man as ever wore a hat, Mr Dedalus said. He went very suddenly. —Breakdown, Martin Cunningham said. Heart. He tapped his chest sadly. Blazing face: redhot. Too much John Barleycorn. Cure for a red nose. Drink like the devil till it turns adelite. A lot of money he spent colouring it. Mr Power gazed at the passing houses with rueful apprehension. —He had a sudden death, poor fellow, he said. —The best death, Mr Bloom said. Their wide open eyes looked at him. —No suffering, he said. A moment and all is over. Like dying in sleep. No-one spoke. Dead side of the street this. Dull business by day, land agents, temperance hotel, Falconer's railway guide, civil service college, Gill's, catholic club, the industrious blind. Why? Some reason. Sun or wind. At night too. Chummies and slaveys. Under the patronage of the late Father Mathew. Foundation stone for Parnell. Breakdown. Heart. White horses with white frontlet plumes came round the Rotunda corner, galloping. A tiny coffin flashed by. In a hurry to bury. A mourning coach. Unmarried. Black for the married. Piebald for bachelors. Dun for a nun. —Sad, Martin Cunningham said. A child. A dwarf's face, mauve and wrinkled like little Rudy's was. Dwarf's body, weak as putty, in a whitelined deal box. Burial friendly society pays. Penny a week for a sod of turf. Our. Little. Beggar. Baby. Meant nothing. Mistake of nature. If it's healthy it's from the mother. If not from the man. Better luck next time. —Poor little thing, Mr Dedalus said. It's well out of it. The carriage climbed more slowly the hill of Rutland square. Rattle his bones. Over the stones. Only a pauper. Nobody owns. —In the midst of life, Martin Cunningham said. —But the worst of all, Mr Power said, is the man who takes his own life. Martin Cunningham drew out his watch briskly, coughed and put it back. —The greatest disgrace to have in the family, Mr Power added. —Temporary insanity, of course, Martin Cunningham said decisively. We must take a charitable view of it. —They say a man who does it is a coward, Mr Dedalus said. —It is not for us to judge, Martin Cunningham said. Mr Bloom, about to speak, closed his lips again. Martin Cunningham's large eyes. Looking away now. Sympathetic human man he is. Intelligent. Like Shakespeare's face. Always a good word to say. They have no mercy on that here or infanticide. Refuse christian burial. They used to drive a stake of wood through his heart in the grave. As if it wasn't broken already. Yet sometimes they repent too late. Found in the riverbed clutching rushes. He looked at me. And that awful drunkard of a wife of his. Setting up house for her time after time and then pawning the furniture on him every Saturday almost. Leading him the life of the damned. Wear the heart out of a stone, that. Monday morning. Start afresh. Shoulder to the wheel. Lord, she must have looked a sight that night Dedalus told me he was in there. Drunk about the place and capering with Martin's umbrella. He looked away from me. He knows. Rattle his bones. That afternoon of the inquest. The redlabelled bottle on the table. The room in the hotel with hunting pictures. Stuffy it was. Sunlight through the slats of the Venetian blind. The coroner's sunlit ears, big and hairy. Boots giving evidence. Thought he was asleep first. Then saw like yellow streaks on his face. Had slipped down to the foot of the bed. Verdict: overdose. Death by misadventure. The letter. For my son Leopold. No more pain. Wake no more. Nobody owns. The carriage rattled swiftly along Blessington street. Over the stones. —We are going the pace, I think, Martin Cunningham said. —God grant he doesn't upset us on the road, Mr Power said. —I hope not, Martin Cunningham said. That will be a great race tomorrow in Germany. The Gordon Bennett. —Yes, by Jove, Mr Dedalus said. That will be worth seeing, faith. As they turned into Berkeley street a streetorgan near the Basin sent over and after them a rollicking rattling song of the halls. Has anybody here seen Kelly? Kay ee double ell wy. Dead March from Saul. He's as bad as old Antonio. He left me on my ownio. Pirouette! The Mater Misericordiae . Eccles street. My house down there. Big place. Ward for incurables there. Very encouraging. Our Lady's Hospice for the dying. Deadhouse handy underneath. Where old Mrs Riordan died. They look terrible the women. Her feeding cup and rubbing her mouth with the spoon. Then the screen round her bed for her to die. Nice young student that was dressed that bite the bee gave me. He's gone over to the lying-in hospital they told me. From one extreme to the other. The carriage galloped round a corner: stopped. —What's wrong now? A divided drove of branded cattle passed the windows, lowing, slouching by on padded hoofs, whisking their tails slowly on their clotted bony croups. Outside them and through them ran raddled sheep bleating their fear. —Emigrants, Mr Power said. —Huuuh! the drover's voice cried, his switch sounding on their flanks. Huuuh! out of that! Thursday, of course. Tomorrow is killing day. Springers. Cuffe sold them about twentyseven quid each. For Liverpool probably. Roastbeef for old England. They buy up all the juicy ones. And then the fifth quarter lost: all that raw stuff, hide, hair, horns. Comes to a big thing in a year. Dead meat trade. Byproducts of the slaughterhouses for tanneries, soap, margarine. Wonder if that dodge works now getting dicky meat off the train at Clonsilla. The carriage moved on through the drove. —I can't make out why the corporation doesn't run a tramline from the parkgate to the quays, Mr Bloom said. All those animals could be taken in trucks down to the boats. —Instead of blocking up the thoroughfare, Martin Cunningham said. Quite right. They ought to. —Yes, Mr Bloom said, and another thing I often thought, is to have municipal funeral trams like they have in Milan, you know. Run the line out to the cemetery gates and have special trams, hearse and carriage and all. Don't you see what I mean? —O, that be damned for a story, Mr Dedalus said. Pullman car and saloon diningroom. —A poor lookout for Corny, Mr Power added. —Why? Mr Bloom asked, turning to Mr Dedalus. Wouldn't it be more decent than galloping two abreast? —Well, there's something in that, Mr Dedalus granted. —And, Martin Cunningham said, we wouldn't have scenes like that when the hearse capsized round Dunphy's and upset the coffin on to the road. —That was terrible, Mr Power's shocked face said, and the corpse fell about the road. Terrible! —First round Dunphy's, Mr Dedalus said, nodding. Gordon Bennett cup. —Praises be to God! Martin Cunningham said piously. Bom! Upset. A coffin bumped out on to the road. Burst open. Paddy Dignam shot out and rolling over stiff in the dust in a brown habit too large for him. Red face: grey now. Mouth fallen open. Asking what's up now. Quite right to close it. Looks horrid open. Then the insides decompose quickly. Much better to close up all the orifices. Yes, also. With wax. The sphincter loose. Seal up all. —Dunphy's, Mr Power announced as the carriage turned right. Dunphy's corner. Mourning coaches drawn up, drowning their grief. A pause by the wayside. Tiptop position for a pub. Expect we'll pull up here on the way back to drink his health. Pass round the consolation. Elixir of life. But suppose now it did happen. Would he bleed if a nail say cut him in the knocking about? He would and he wouldn't, I suppose. Depends on where. The circulation stops. Still some might ooze out of an artery. It would be better to bury them in red: a dark red. In silence they drove along Phibsborough road. An empty hearse trotted by, coming from the cemetery: looks relieved. Crossguns bridge: the royal canal. Water rushed roaring through the sluices. A man stood on his dropping barge, between clamps of turf. On the towpath by the lock a slacktethered horse. Aboard of the Bugabu. Their eyes watched him. On the slow weedy waterway he had floated on his raft coastward over Ireland drawn by a haulage rope past beds of reeds, over slime, mudchoked bottles, carrion dogs. Athlone, Mullingar, Moyvalley, I could make a walking tour to see Milly by the canal. Or cycle down. Hire some old crock, safety. Wren had one the other day at the auction but a lady's. Developing waterways. James M'Cann's hobby to row me o'er the ferry. Cheaper transit. By easy stages. Houseboats. Camping out. Also hearses. To heaven by water. Perhaps I will without writing. Come as a surprise, Leixlip, Clonsilla. Dropping down lock by lock to Dublin. With turf from the midland bogs. Salute. He lifted his brown straw hat, saluting Paddy Dignam. They drove on past Brian Boroimhe house. Near it now. —I wonder how is our friend Fogarty getting on, Mr Power said. —Better ask Tom Kernan, Mr Dedalus said. —How is that? Martin Cunningham said. Left him weeping, I suppose? —Though lost to sight, Mr Dedalus said, to memory dear. The carriage steered left for Finglas road. The stonecutter's yard on the right. Last lap. Crowded on the spit of land silent shapes appeared, white, sorrowful, holding out calm hands, knelt in grief, pointing. Fragments of shapes, hewn. In white silence: appealing. The best obtainable. Thos. H. Dennany, monumental builder and sculptor. Passed. On the curbstone before Jimmy Geary, the sexton's, an old tramp sat, grumbling, emptying the dirt and stones out of his huge dustbrown yawning boot. After life's journey. Gloomy gardens then went by: one by one: gloomy houses. Mr Power pointed. —That is where Childs was murdered, he said. The last house. —So it is, Mr Dedalus said. A gruesome case. Seymour Bushe got him off. Murdered his brother. Or so they said. —The crown had no evidence, Mr Power said. —Only circumstantial, Martin Cunningham added. That's the maxim of the law. Better for ninetynine guilty to escape than for one innocent person to be wrongfully condemned. They looked. Murderer's ground. It passed darkly. Shuttered, tenantless, unweeded garden. Whole place gone to hell. Wrongfully condemned. Murder. The murderer's image in the eye of the murdered. They love reading about it. Man's head found in a garden. Her clothing consisted of. How she met her death. Recent outrage. The weapon used. Murderer is still at large. Clues. A shoelace. The body to be exhumed. Murder will out. Cramped in this carriage. She mightn't like me to come that way without letting her know. Must be careful about women. Catch them once with their pants down. Never forgive you after. Fifteen. The high railings of Prospect rippled past their gaze. Dark poplars, rare white forms. Forms more frequent, white shapes thronged amid the trees, white forms and fragments streaming by mutely, sustaining vain gestures on the air. The felly harshed against the curbstone: stopped. Martin Cunningham put out his arm and, wrenching back the handle, shoved the door open with his knee. He stepped out. Mr Power and Mr Dedalus followed. Change that soap now. Mr Bloom's hand unbuttoned his hip pocket swiftly and transferred the paperstuck soap to his inner handkerchief pocket. He stepped out of the carriage, replacing the newspaper his other hand still held. Paltry funeral: coach and three carriages. It's all the same. Pallbearers, gold reins, requiem mass, firing a volley. Pomp of death. Beyond the hind carriage a hawker stood by his barrow of cakes and fruit. Simnel cakes those are, stuck together: cakes for the dead. Dogbiscuits. Who ate them? Mourners coming out. He followed his companions. Mr Kernan and Ned Lambert followed, Hynes walking after them. Corny Kelleher stood by the opened hearse and took out the two wreaths. He handed one to the boy. Where is that child's funeral disappeared to? A team of horses passed from Finglas with toiling plodding tread, dragging through the funereal silence a creaking waggon on which lay a granite block. The waggoner marching at their head saluted. Coffin now. Got here before us, dead as he is. Horse looking round at it with his plume skeowways. Dull eye: collar tight on his neck, pressing on a bloodvessel or something. Do they know what they cart out here every day? Must be twenty or thirty funerals every day. Then Mount Jerome for the protestants. Funerals all over the world everywhere every minute. Shovelling them under by the cartload doublequick. Thousands every hour. Too many in the world. Mourners came out through the gates: woman and a girl. Leanjawed harpy, hard woman at a bargain, her bonnet awry. Girl's face stained with dirt and tears, holding the woman's arm, looking up at her for a sign to cry. Fish's face, bloodless and livid. The mutes shouldered the coffin and bore it in through the gates. So much dead weight. Felt heavier myself stepping out of that bath. First the stiff: then the friends of the stiff. Corny Kelleher and the boy followed with their wreaths. Who is that beside them? Ah, the brother-in-law. All walked after. Martin Cunningham whispered: —I was in mortal agony with you talking of suicide before Bloom. —What? Mr Power whispered. How so? —His father poisoned himself, Martin Cunningham whispered. Had the Queen's hotel in Ennis. You heard him say he was going to Clare. Anniversary. —O God! Mr Power whispered. First I heard of it. Poisoned himself? He glanced behind him to where a face with dark thinking eyes followed towards the cardinal's mausoleum. Speaking. —Was he insured? Mr Bloom asked. —I believe so, Mr Kernan answered. But the policy was heavily mortgaged. Martin is trying to get the youngster into Artane. —How many children did he leave? —Five. Ned Lambert says he'll try to get one of the girls into Todd's. —A sad case, Mr Bloom said gently. Five young children. —A great blow to the poor wife, Mr Kernan added. —Indeed yes, Mr Bloom agreed. Has the laugh at him now. He looked down at the boots he had blacked and polished. She had outlived him. Lost her husband. More dead for her than for me. One must outlive the other. Wise men say. There are more women than men in the world. Condole with her. Your terrible loss. I hope you'll soon follow him. For Hindu widows only. She would marry another. Him? No. Yet who knows after. Widowhood not the thing since the old queen died. Drawn on a guncarriage. Victoria and Albert. Frogmore memorial mourning. But in the end she put a few violets in her bonnet. Vain in her heart of hearts. All for a shadow. Consort not even a king. Her son was the substance. Something new to hope for not like the past she wanted back, waiting. It never comes. One must go first: alone, under the ground: and lie no more in her warm bed. —How are you, Simon? Ned Lambert said softly, clasping hands. Haven't seen you for a month of Sundays. —Never better. How are all in Cork's own town? —I was down there for the Cork park races on Easter Monday, Ned Lambert said. Same old six and eightpence. Stopped with Dick Tivy. —And how is Dick, the solid man? —Nothing between himself and heaven, Ned Lambert answered. —By the holy Paul! Mr Dedalus said in subdued wonder. Dick Tivy bald? —Martin is going to get up a whip for the youngsters, Ned Lambert said, pointing ahead. A few bob a skull. Just to keep them going till the insurance is cleared up. —Yes, yes, Mr Dedalus said dubiously. Is that the eldest boy in front? —Yes, Ned Lambert said, with the wife's brother. John Henry Menton is behind. He put down his name for a quid. —I'll engage he did, Mr Dedalus said. I often told poor Paddy he ought to mind that job. John Henry is not the worst in the world. —How did he lose it? Ned Lambert asked. Liquor, what? —Many a good man's fault, Mr Dedalus said with a sigh. They halted about the door of the mortuary chapel. Mr Bloom stood behind the boy with the wreath looking down at his sleekcombed hair and at the slender furrowed neck inside his brandnew collar. Poor boy! Was he there when the father? Both unconscious. Lighten up at the last moment and recognise for the last time. All he might have done. I owe three shillings to O'Grady. Would he understand? The mutes bore the coffin into the chapel. Which end is his head? After a moment he followed the others in, blinking in the screened light. The coffin lay on its bier before the chancel, four tall yellow candles at its corners. Always in front of us. Corny Kelleher, laying a wreath at each fore corner, beckoned to the boy to kneel. The mourners knelt here and there in prayingdesks. Mr Bloom stood behind near the font and, when all had knelt, dropped carefully his unfolded newspaper from his pocket and knelt his right knee upon it. He fitted his black hat gently on his left knee and, holding its brim, bent over piously. A server bearing a brass bucket with something in it came out through a door. The whitesmocked priest came after him, tidying his stole with one hand, balancing with the other a little book against his toad's belly. Who'll read the book? I, said the rook. They halted by the bier and the priest began to read out of his book with a fluent croak. Father Coffey. I knew his name was like a coffin. Domine-namine. Bully about the muzzle he looks. Bosses the show. Muscular christian. Woe betide anyone that looks crooked at him: priest. Thou art Peter. Burst sideways like a sheep in clover Dedalus says he will. With a belly on him like a poisoned pup. Most amusing expressions that man finds. Hhhn: burst sideways. —Non intres in judicium cum servo tuo, Domine. Makes them feel more important to be prayed over in Latin. Requiem mass. Crape weepers. Blackedged notepaper. Your name on the altarlist. Chilly place this. Want to feed well, sitting in there all the morning in the gloom kicking his heels waiting for the next please. Eyes of a toad too. What swells him up that way? Molly gets swelled after cabbage. Air of the place maybe. Looks full up of bad gas. Must be an infernal lot of bad gas round the place. Butchers, for instance: they get like raw beefsteaks. Who was telling me? Mervyn Browne. Down in the vaults of saint Werburgh's lovely old organ hundred and fifty they have to bore a hole in the coffins sometimes to let out the bad gas and burn it. Out it rushes: blue. One whiff of that and you're a goner. My kneecap is hurting me. Ow. That's better. The priest took a stick with a knob at the end of it out of the boy's bucket and shook it over the coffin. Then he walked to the other end and shook it again. Then he came back and put it back in the bucket. As you were before you rested. It's all written down: he has to do it. —Et ne nos inducas in tentationem. The server piped the answers in the treble. I often thought it would be better to have boy servants. Up to fifteen or so. After that, of course ... Holy water that was, I expect. Shaking sleep out of it. He must be fed up with that job, shaking that thing over all the corpses they trot up. What harm if he could see what he was shaking it over. Every mortal day a fresh batch: middleaged men, old women, children, women dead in childbirth, men with beards, baldheaded businessmen, consumptive girls with little sparrows' breasts. All the year round he prayed the same thing over them all and shook water on top of them: sleep. On Dignam now. —In paradisum. Said he was going to paradise or is in paradise. Says that over everybody. Tiresome kind of a job. But he has to say something. The priest closed his book and went off, followed by the server. Corny Kelleher opened the sidedoors and the gravediggers came in, hoisted the coffin again, carried it out and shoved it on their cart. Corny Kelleher gave one wreath to the boy and one to the brother-in-law. All followed them out of the sidedoors into the mild grey air. Mr Bloom came last folding his paper again into his pocket. He gazed gravely at the ground till the coffincart wheeled off to the left. The metal wheels ground the gravel with a sharp grating cry and the pack of blunt boots followed the trundled barrow along a lane of sepulchres. The ree the ra the ree the ra the roo. Lord, I mustn't lilt here. —The O'Connell circle, Mr Dedalus said about him. Mr Power's soft eyes went up to the apex of the lofty cone. —He's at rest, he said, in the middle of his people, old Dan O'. But his heart is buried in Rome. How many broken hearts are buried here, Simon! —Her grave is over there, Jack, Mr Dedalus said. I'll soon be stretched beside her. Let Him take me whenever He likes. Breaking down, he began to weep to himself quietly, stumbling a little in his walk. Mr Power took his arm. —She's better where she is, he said kindly. —I suppose so, Mr Dedalus said with a weak gasp. I suppose she is in heaven if there is a heaven. Corny Kelleher stepped aside from his rank and allowed the mourners to plod by. —Sad occasions, Mr Kernan began politely. Mr Bloom closed his eyes and sadly twice bowed his head. —The others are putting on their hats, Mr Kernan said. I suppose we can do so too. We are the last. This cemetery is a treacherous place. They covered their heads. —The reverend gentleman read the service too quickly, don't you think? Mr Kernan said with reproof. Mr Bloom nodded gravely looking in the quick bloodshot eyes. Secret eyes, secretsearching. Mason, I think: not sure. Beside him again. We are the last. In the same boat. Hope he'll say something else. Mr Kernan added: —The service of the Irish church used in Mount Jerome is simpler, more impressive I must say. Mr Bloom gave prudent assent. The language of course was another thing. Mr Kernan said with solemnity: — I am the resurrection and the life . That touches a man's inmost heart. —It does, Mr Bloom said. Your heart perhaps but what price the fellow in the six feet by two with his toes to the daisies? No touching that. Seat of the affections. Broken heart. A pump after all, pumping thousands of gallons of blood every day. One fine day it gets bunged up: and there you are. Lots of them lying around here: lungs, hearts, livers. Old rusty pumps: damn the thing else. The resurrection and the life. Once you are dead you are dead. That last day idea. Knocking them all up out of their graves. Come forth, Lazarus! And he came fifth and lost the job. Get up! Last day! Then every fellow mousing around for his liver and his lights and the rest of his traps. Find damn all of himself that morning. Pennyweight of powder in a skull. Twelve grammes one pennyweight. Troy measure. Corny Kelleher fell into step at their side. —Everything went off A1, he said. What? He looked on them from his drawling eye. Policeman's shoulders. With your tooraloom tooraloom. —As it should be, Mr Kernan said. —What? Eh? Corny Kelleher said. Mr Kernan assured him. —Who is that chap behind with Tom Kernan? John Henry Menton asked. I know his face. Ned Lambert glanced back. —Bloom, he said, Madame Marion Tweedy that was, is, I mean, the soprano. She's his wife. —O, to be sure, John Henry Menton said. I haven't seen her for some time. He was a finelooking woman. I danced with her, wait, fifteen seventeen golden years ago, at Mat Dillon's in Roundtown. And a good armful she was. He looked behind through the others. —What is he? he asked. What does he do? Wasn't he in the stationery line? I fell foul of him one evening, I remember, at bowls. Ned Lambert smiled. —Yes, he was, he said, in Wisdom Hely's. A traveller for blottingpaper. —In God's name, John Henry Menton said, what did she marry a coon like that for? She had plenty of game in her then. —Has still, Ned Lambert said. He does some canvassing for ads. John Henry Menton's large eyes stared ahead. The barrow turned into a side lane. A portly man, ambushed among the grasses, raised his hat in homage. The gravediggers touched their caps. —John O'Connell, Mr Power said pleased. He never forgets a friend. Mr O'Connell shook all their hands in silence. Mr Dedalus said: —I am come to pay you another visit. —My dear Simon, the caretaker answered in a low voice. I don't want your custom at all. Saluting Ned Lambert and John Henry Menton he walked on at Martin Cunningham's side puzzling two long keys at his back. —Did you hear that one, he asked them, about Mulcahy from the Coombe? —I did not, Martin Cunningham said. They bent their silk hats in concert and Hynes inclined his ear. The caretaker hung his thumbs in the loops of his gold watchchain and spoke in a discreet tone to their vacant smiles. —They tell the story, he said, that two drunks came out here one foggy evening to look for the grave of a friend of theirs. They asked for Mulcahy from the Coombe and were told where he was buried. After traipsing about in the fog they found the grave sure enough. One of the drunks spelt out the name: Terence Mulcahy. The other drunk was blinking up at a statue of Our Saviour the widow had got put up. The caretaker blinked up at one of the sepulchres they passed. He resumed: —And, after blinking up at the sacred figure, Not a bloody bit like the man , says he. That's not Mulcahy , says he, whoever done it . Rewarded by smiles he fell back and spoke with Corny Kelleher, accepting the dockets given him, turning them over and scanning them as he walked. —That's all done with a purpose, Martin Cunningham explained to Hynes. —I know, Hynes said. I know that. —To cheer a fellow up, Martin Cunningham said. It's pure goodheartedness: damn the thing else. Mr Bloom admired the caretaker's prosperous bulk. All want to be on good terms with him. Decent fellow, John O'Connell, real good sort. Keys: like Keyes's ad: no fear of anyone getting out. No passout checks. Habeas corpus . I must see about that ad after the funeral. Did I write Ballsbridge on the envelope I took to cover when she disturbed me writing to Martha? Hope it's not chucked in the dead letter office. Be the better of a shave. Grey sprouting beard. That's the first sign when the hairs come out grey. And temper getting cross. Silver threads among the grey. Fancy being his wife. Wonder he had the gumption to propose to any girl. Come out and live in the graveyard. Dangle that before her. It might thrill her first. Courting death... Shades of night hovering here with all the dead stretched about. The shadows of the tombs when churchyards yawn and Daniel O'Connell must be a descendant I suppose who is this used to say he was a queer breedy man great catholic all the same like a big giant in the dark. Will o' the wisp. Gas of graves. Want to keep her mind off it to conceive at all. Women especially are so touchy. Tell her a ghost story in bed to make her sleep. Have you ever seen a ghost? Well, I have. It was a pitchdark night. The clock was on the stroke of twelve. Still they'd kiss all right if properly keyed up. Whores in Turkish graveyards. Learn anything if taken young. You might pick up a young widow here. Men like that. Love among the tombstones. Romeo. Spice of pleasure. In the midst of death we are in life. Both ends meet. Tantalising for the poor dead. Smell of grilled beefsteaks to the starving. Gnawing their vitals. Desire to grig people. Molly wanting to do it at the window. Eight children he has anyway. He has seen a fair share go under in his time, lying around him field after field. Holy fields. More room if they buried them standing. Sitting or kneeling you couldn't. Standing? His head might come up some day above ground in a landslip with his hand pointing. All honeycombed the ground must be: oblong cells. And very neat he keeps it too: trim grass and edgings. His garden Major Gamble calls Mount Jerome. Well, so it is. Ought to be flowers of sleep. Chinese cemeteries with giant poppies growing produce the best opium Mastiansky told me. The Botanic Gardens are just over there. It's the blood sinking in the earth gives new life. Same idea those jews they said killed the christian boy. Every man his price. Well preserved fat corpse, gentleman, epicure, invaluable for fruit garden. A bargain. By carcass of William Wilkinson, auditor and accountant, lately deceased, three pounds thirteen and six. With thanks. I daresay the soil would be quite fat with corpsemanure, bones, flesh, nails. Charnelhouses. Dreadful. Turning green and pink decomposing. Rot quick in damp earth. The lean old ones tougher. Then a kind of a tallowy kind of a cheesy. Then begin to get black, black treacle oozing out of them. Then dried up. Deathmoths. Of course the cells or whatever they are go on living. Changing about. Live for ever practically. Nothing to feed on feed on themselves. But they must breed a devil of a lot of maggots. Soil must be simply swirling with them. Your head it simply swurls. Those pretty little seaside gurls. He looks cheerful enough over it. Gives him a sense of power seeing all the others go under first. Wonder how he looks at life. Cracking his jokes too: warms the cockles of his heart. The one about the bulletin. Spurgeon went to heaven 4 a.m. this morning. 11 p.m. (closing time). Not arrived yet. Peter. The dead themselves the men anyhow would like to hear an odd joke or the women to know what's in fashion. A juicy pear or ladies' punch, hot, strong and sweet. Keep out the damp. You must laugh sometimes so better do it that way. Gravediggers in Hamlet . Shows the profound knowledge of the human heart. Daren't joke about the dead for two years at least. De mortuis nil nisi prius . Go out of mourning first. Hard to imagine his funeral. Seems a sort of a joke. Read your own obituary notice they say you live longer. Gives you second wind. New lease of life. —How many have-you for tomorrow? the caretaker asked. —Two, Corny Kelleher said. Half ten and eleven. The caretaker put the papers in his pocket. The barrow had ceased to trundle. The mourners split and moved to each side of the hole, stepping with care round the graves. The gravediggers bore the coffin and set its nose on the brink, looping the bands round it. Burying him. We come to bury Caesar. His ides of March or June. He doesn't know who is here nor care. Now who is that lankylooking galoot over there in the macintosh? Now who is he I'd like to know? Now I'd give a trifle to know who he is. Always someone turns up you never dreamt of. A fellow could live on his lonesome all his life. Yes, he could. Still he'd have to get someone to sod him after he died though he could dig his own grave. We all do. Only man buries. No, ants too. First thing strikes anybody. Bury the dead. Say Robinson Crusoe was true to life. Well then Friday buried him. Every Friday buries a Thursday if you come to look at it. Poor Dignam! His last lie on the earth in his box. When you think of them all it does seem a waste of wood. All gnawed through. They could invent a handsome bier with a kind of panel sliding, let it down that way. Ay but they might object to be buried out of another fellow's. They're so particular. Lay me in my native earth. Bit of clay from the holy land. Only a mother and deadborn child ever buried in the one coffin. I see what it means. I see. To protect him as long as possible even in the earth. The Irishman's house is his coffin. Embalming in catacombs, mummies the same idea. Mr Bloom stood far back, his hat in his hand, counting the bared heads. Twelve. I'm thirteen. No. The chap in the macintosh is thirteen. Death's number. Where the deuce did he pop out of? He wasn't in the chapel, that I'll swear. Silly superstition that about thirteen. Nice soft tweed Ned Lambert has in that suit. Tinge of purple. I had one like that when we lived in Lombard street west. Dressy fellow he was once. Used to change three suits in the day. Must get that grey suit of mine turned by Mesias. Hello. It's dyed. His wife I forgot he's not married or his landlady ought to have picked out those threads for him. The coffin dived out of sight, eased down by the men straddled on the gravetrestles. They struggled up and out: and all uncovered. Twenty. Pause. If we were all suddenly somebody else. Far away a donkey brayed. Rain. No such ass. Never see a dead one, they say. Shame of death. They hide. Also poor papa went away. Gentle sweet air blew round the bared heads in a whisper. Whisper. The boy by the gravehead held his wreath with both hands staring quietly in the black open space. Mr Bloom moved behind the portly kindly caretaker. Wellcut frockcoat. Weighing them up perhaps to see which will go next. Well, it is a long rest. Feel no more. It's the moment you feel. Must be damned unpleasant. Can't believe it at first. Mistake must be: someone else. Try the house opposite. Wait, I wanted to. I haven't yet. Then darkened deathchamber. Light they want. Whispering around you. Would you like to see a priest? Then rambling and wandering. Delirium all you hid all your life. The death struggle. His sleep is not natural. Press his lower eyelid. Watching is his nose pointed is his jaw sinking are the soles of his feet yellow. Pull the pillow away and finish it off on the floor since he's doomed. Devil in that picture of sinner's death showing him a woman. Dying to embrace her in his shirt. Last act of Lucia. Shall i nevermore behold thee ? Bam! He expires. Gone at last. People talk about you a bit: forget you. Don't forget to pray for him. Remember him in your prayers. Even Parnell. Ivy day dying out. Then they follow: dropping into a hole, one after the other. We are praying now for the repose of his soul. Hoping you're well and not in hell. Nice change of air. Out of the fryingpan of life into the fire of purgatory. Does he ever think of the hole waiting for himself? They say you do when you shiver in the sun. Someone walking over it. Callboy's warning. Near you. Mine over there towards Finglas, the plot I bought. Mamma, poor mamma, and little Rudy. The gravediggers took up their spades and flung heavy clods of clay in on the coffin. Mr Bloom turned away his face. And if he was alive all the time? Whew! By jingo, that would be awful! No, no: he is dead, of course. Of course he is dead. Monday he died. They ought to have some law to pierce the heart and make sure or an electric clock or a telephone in the coffin and some kind of a canvas airhole. Flag of distress. Three days. Rather long to keep them in summer. Just as well to get shut of them as soon as you are sure there's no. The clay fell softer. Begin to be forgotten. Out of sight, out of mind. The caretaker moved away a few paces and put on his hat. Had enough of it. The mourners took heart of grace, one by one, covering themselves without show. Mr Bloom put on his hat and saw the portly figure make its way deftly through the maze of graves. Quietly, sure of his ground, he traversed the dismal fields. Hynes jotting down something in his notebook. Ah, the names. But he knows them all. No: coming to me. —I am just taking the names, Hynes said below his breath. What is your christian name? I'm not sure. —L, Mr Bloom said. Leopold. And you might put down M'Coy's name too. He asked me to. —Charley, Hynes said writing. I know. He was on the Freeman once. So he was before he got the job in the morgue under Louis Byrne. Good idea a postmortem for doctors. Find out what they imagine they know. He died of a Tuesday. Got the run. Levanted with the cash of a few ads. Charley, you're my darling. That was why he asked me to. O well, does no harm. I saw to that, M'Coy. Thanks, old chap: much obliged. Leave him under an obligation: costs nothing. —And tell us, Hynes said, do you know that fellow in the, fellow was over there in the... He looked around. —Macintosh. Yes, I saw him, Mr Bloom said. Where is he now? —M'Intosh, Hynes said scribbling. I don't know who he is. Is that his name? He moved away, looking about him. —No, Mr Bloom began, turning and stopping. I say, Hynes! Didn't hear. What? Where has he disappeared to? Not a sign. Well of all the. Has anybody here seen? Kay ee double ell. Become invisible. Good Lord, what became of him? A seventh gravedigger came beside Mr Bloom to take up an idle spade. —O, excuse me! He stepped aside nimbly. Clay, brown, damp, began to be seen in the hole. It rose. Nearly over. A mound of damp clods rose more, rose, and the gravediggers rested their spades. All uncovered again for a few instants. The boy propped his wreath against a corner: the brother-in-law his on a lump. The gravediggers put on their caps and carried their earthy spades towards the barrow. Then knocked the blades lightly on the turf: clean. One bent to pluck from the haft a long tuft of grass. One, leaving his mates, walked slowly on with shouldered weapon, its blade blueglancing. Silently at the gravehead another coiled the coffinband. His navelcord. The brother-in-law, turning away, placed something in his free hand. Thanks in silence. Sorry, sir: trouble. Headshake. I know that. For yourselves just. The mourners moved away slowly without aim, by devious paths, staying at whiles to read a name on a tomb. —Let us go round by the chief's grave, Hynes said. We have time. —Let us, Mr Power said. They turned to the right, following their slow thoughts. With awe Mr Power's blank voice spoke: —Some say he is not in that grave at all. That the coffin was filled with stones. That one day he will come again. Hynes shook his head. —Parnell will never come again, he said. He's there, all that was mortal of him. Peace to his ashes. Mr Bloom walked unheeded along his grove by saddened angels, crosses, broken pillars, family vaults, stone hopes praying with upcast eyes, old Ireland's hearts and hands. More sensible to spend the money on some charity for the living. Pray for the repose of the soul of. Does anybody really? Plant him and have done with him. Like down a coalshoot. Then lump them together to save time. All souls' day. Twentyseventh I'll be at his grave. Ten shillings for the gardener. He keeps it free of weeds. Old man himself. Bent down double with his shears clipping. Near death's door. Who passed away. Who departed this life. As if they did it of their own accord. Got the shove, all of them. Who kicked the bucket. More interesting if they told you what they were. So and So, wheelwright. I travelled for cork lino. I paid five shillings in the pound. Or a woman's with her saucepan. I cooked good Irish stew. Eulogy in a country churchyard it ought to be that poem of whose is it Wordsworth or Thomas Campbell. Entered into rest the protestants put it. Old Dr Murren's. The great physician called him home. Well it's God's acre for them. Nice country residence. Newly plastered and painted. Ideal spot to have a quiet smoke and read the Church Times. Marriage ads they never try to beautify. Rusty wreaths hung on knobs, garlands of bronzefoil. Better value that for the money. Still, the flowers are more poetical. The other gets rather tiresome, never withering. Expresses nothing. Immortelles. A bird sat tamely perched on a poplar branch. Like stuffed. Like the wedding present alderman Hooper gave us. Hoo! Not a budge out of him. Knows there are no catapults to let fly at him. Dead animal even sadder. Silly-Milly burying the little dead bird in the kitchen matchbox, a daisychain and bits of broken chainies on the grave. The Sacred Heart that is: showing it. Heart on his sleeve. Ought to be sideways and red it should be painted like a real heart. Ireland was dedicated to it or whatever that. Seems anything but pleased. Why this infliction? Would birds come then and peck like the boy with the basket of fruit but he said no because they ought to have been afraid of the boy. Apollo that was. How many! All these here once walked round Dublin. Faithful departed. As you are now so once were we. Besides how could you remember everybody? Eyes, walk, voice. Well, the voice, yes: gramophone. Have a gramophone in every grave or keep it in the house. After dinner on a Sunday. Put on poor old greatgrandfather. Kraahraark! Hellohellohello amawfullyglad kraark awfullygladaseeagain hellohello amawf krpthsth. Remind you of the voice like the photograph reminds you of the face. Otherwise you couldn't remember the face after fifteen years, say. For instance who? For instance some fellow that died when I was in Wisdom Hely's. Rtststr! A rattle of pebbles. Wait. Stop! He looked down intently into a stone crypt. Some animal. Wait. There he goes. An obese grey rat toddled along the side of the crypt, moving the pebbles. An old stager: greatgrandfather: he knows the ropes. The grey alive crushed itself in under the plinth, wriggled itself in under it. Good hidingplace for treasure. Who lives there? Are laid the remains of Robert Emery. Robert Emmet was buried here by torchlight, wasn't he? Making his rounds. Tail gone now. One of those chaps would make short work of a fellow. Pick the bones clean no matter who it was. Ordinary meat for them. A corpse is meat gone bad. Well and what's cheese? Corpse of milk. I read in that Voyages in China that the Chinese say a white man smells like a corpse. Cremation better. Priests dead against it. Devilling for the other firm. Wholesale burners and Dutch oven dealers. Time of the plague. Quicklime feverpits to eat them. Lethal chamber. Ashes to ashes. Or bury at sea. Where is that Parsee tower of silence? Eaten by birds. Earth, fire, water. Drowning they say is the pleasantest. See your whole life in a flash. But being brought back to life no. Can't bury in the air however. Out of a flying machine. Wonder does the news go about whenever a fresh one is let down. Underground communication. We learned that from them. Wouldn't be surprised. Regular square feed for them. Flies come before he's well dead. Got wind of Dignam. They wouldn't care about the smell of it. Saltwhite crumbling mush of corpse: smell, taste like raw white turnips. The gates glimmered in front: still open. Back to the world again. Enough of this place. Brings you a bit nearer every time. Last time I was here was Mrs Sinico's funeral. Poor papa too. The love that kills. And even scraping up the earth at night with a lantern like that case I read of to get at fresh buried females or even putrefied with running gravesores. Give you the creeps after a bit. I will appear to you after death. You will see my ghost after death. My ghost will haunt you after death. There is another world after death named hell. I do not like that other world she wrote. No more do I. Plenty to see and hear and feel yet. Feel live warm beings near you. Let them sleep in their maggoty beds. They are not going to get me this innings. Warm beds: warm fullblooded life. Martin Cunningham emerged from a sidepath, talking gravely. Solicitor, I think. I know his face. Menton, John Henry, solicitor, commissioner for oaths and affidavits. Dignam used to be in his office. Mat Dillon's long ago. Jolly Mat. Convivial evenings. Cold fowl, cigars, the Tantalus glasses. Heart of gold really. Yes, Menton. Got his rag out that evening on the bowlinggreen because I sailed inside him. Pure fluke of mine: the bias. Why he took such a rooted dislike to me. Hate at first sight. Molly and Floey Dillon linked under the lilactree, laughing. Fellow always like that, mortified if women are by. Got a dinge in the side of his hat. Carriage probably. —Excuse me, sir, Mr Bloom said beside them. They stopped. —Your hat is a little crushed, Mr Bloom said pointing. John Henry Menton stared at him for an instant without moving. —There, Martin Cunningham helped, pointing also. John Henry Menton took off his hat, bulged out the dinge and smoothed the nap with care on his coatsleeve. He clapped the hat on his head again. —It's all right now, Martin Cunningham said. John Henry Menton jerked his head down in acknowledgment. —Thank you, he said shortly. They walked on towards the gates. Mr Bloom, chapfallen, drew behind a few paces so as not to overhear. Martin laying down the law. Martin could wind a sappyhead like that round his little finger, without his seeing it. Oyster eyes. Never mind. Be sorry after perhaps when it dawns on him. Get the pull over him that way. Thank you. How grand we are this morning! Before Nelson's pillar trams slowed, shunted, changed trolley, started for Blackrock, Kingstown and Dalkey, Clonskea, Rathgar and Terenure, Palmerston Park and upper Rathmines, Sandymount Green, Rathmines, Ringsend and Sandymount Tower, Harold's Cross. The hoarse Dublin United Tramway Company's timekeeper bawled them off: —Rathgar and Terenure! —Come on, Sandymount Green! Right and left parallel clanging ringing a doubledecker and a singledeck moved from their railheads, swerved to the down line, glided parallel. —Start, Palmerston Park! Under the porch of the general post office shoeblacks called and polished. Parked in North Prince's street His Majesty's vermilion mailcars, bearing on their sides the royal initials, E. R., received loudly flung sacks of letters, postcards, lettercards, parcels, insured and paid, for local, provincial, British and overseas delivery. Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores. —There it is, Red Murray said. Alexander Keyes. —Just cut it out, will you? Mr Bloom said, and I'll take it round to the Telegraph office. The door of Ruttledge's office creaked again. Davy Stephens, minute in a large capecoat, a small felt hat crowning his ringlets, passed out with a roll of papers under his cape, a king's courier. Red Murray's long shears sliced out the advertisement from the newspaper in four clean strokes. Scissors and paste. —I'll go through the printingworks, Mr Bloom said, taking the cut square. —Of course, if he wants a par, Red Murray said earnestly, a pen behind his ear, we can do him one. —Right, Mr Bloom said with a nod. I'll rub that in. We. Red Murray touched Mr Bloom's arm with the shears and whispered: —Brayden. Mr Bloom turned and saw the liveried porter raise his lettered cap as a stately figure entered between the newsboards of the Weekly Freeman and National Press and the Freeman's Journal and National Press . Dullthudding Guinness's barrels. It passed statelily up the staircase, steered by an umbrella, a solemn beardframed face. The broadcloth back ascended each step: back. All his brains are in the nape of his neck, Simon Dedalus says. Welts of flesh behind on him. Fat folds of neck, fat, neck, fat, neck. —Don't you think his face is like Our Saviour? Red Murray whispered. The door of Ruttledge's office whispered: ee: cree. They always build one door opposite another for the wind to. Way in. Way out. Our Saviour: beardframed oval face: talking in the dusk. Mary, Martha. Steered by an umbrella sword to the footlights: Mario the tenor. —Or like Mario, Mr Bloom said. —Yes, Red Murray agreed. But Mario was said to be the picture of Our Saviour. Jesusmario with rougy cheeks, doublet and spindle legs. Hand on his heart. In Martha. —His grace phoned down twice this morning, Red Murray said gravely. They watched the knees, legs, boots vanish. Neck. A telegram boy stepped in nimbly, threw an envelope on the counter and stepped off posthaste with a word: —Freeman! Mr Bloom said slowly: —Well, he is one of our saviours also. A meek smile accompanied him as he lifted the counterflap, as he passed in through a sidedoor and along the warm dark stairs and passage, along the now reverberating boards. But will he save the circulation? Thumping. Thumping. He pushed in the glass swingdoor and entered, stepping over strewn packing paper. Through a lane of clanking drums he made his way towards Nannetti's reading closet. WITH UNFEIGNED REGRET IT IS WE ANNOUNCE THE DISSOLUTION OF A MOST RESPECTED DUBLIN BURGESS Hynes here too: account of the funeral probably. Thumping. Thump. This morning the remains of the late Mr Patrick Dignam. Machines. Smash a man to atoms if they got him caught. Rule the world today. His machineries are pegging away too. Like these, got out of hand: fermenting. Working away, tearing away. And that old grey rat tearing to get in. Mr Bloom halted behind the foreman's spare body, admiring a glossy crown. Strange he never saw his real country. Ireland my country. Member for College green. He boomed that workaday worker tack for all it was worth. It's the ads and side features sell a weekly, not the stale news in the official gazette. Queen Anne is dead. Published by authority in the year one thousand and. Demesne situate in the townland of Rosenallis, barony of Tinnahinch. To all whom it may concern schedule pursuant to statute showing return of number of mules and jennets exported from Ballina. Nature notes. Cartoons. Phil Blake's weekly Pat and Bull story. Uncle Toby's page for tiny tots. Country bumpkin's queries. Dear Mr Editor, what is a good cure for flatulence? I'd like that part. Learn a lot teaching others. The personal note. M. A. P. Mainly all pictures. Shapely bathers on golden strand. World's biggest balloon. Double marriage of sisters celebrated. Two bridegrooms laughing heartily at each other. Cuprani too, printer. More Irish than the Irish. The machines clanked in threefour time. Thump, thump, thump. Now if he got paralysed there and no-one knew how to stop them they'd clank on and on the same, print it over and over and up and back. Monkeydoodle the whole thing. Want a cool head. —Well, get it into the evening edition, councillor, Hynes said. Soon be calling him my lord mayor. Long John is backing him, they say. The foreman, without answering, scribbled press on a corner of the sheet and made a sign to a typesetter. He handed the sheet silently over the dirty glass screen. —Right: thanks, Hynes said moving off. Mr Bloom stood in his way. —If you want to draw the cashier is just going to lunch, he said, pointing backward with his thumb. —Did you? Hynes asked. —Mm, Mr Bloom said. Look sharp and you'll catch him. —Thanks, old man, Hynes said. I'll tap him too. He hurried on eagerly towards the Freeman's Journal . Three bob I lent him in Meagher's. Three weeks. Third hint. Mr Bloom laid his cutting on Mr Nannetti's desk. —Excuse me, councillor, he said. This ad, you see. Keyes, you remember? Mr Nannetti considered the cutting awhile and nodded. —He wants it in for July, Mr Bloom said. The foreman moved his pencil towards it. —But wait, Mr Bloom said. He wants it changed. Keyes, you see. He wants two keys at the top. Hell of a racket they make. He doesn't hear it. Nannan. Iron nerves. Maybe he understands what I. The foreman turned round to hear patiently and, lifting an elbow, began to scratch slowly in the armpit of his alpaca jacket. —Like that, Mr Bloom said, crossing his forefingers at the top. Let him take that in first. Mr Bloom, glancing sideways up from the cross he had made, saw the foreman's sallow face, think he has a touch of jaundice, and beyond the obedient reels feeding in huge webs of paper. Clank it. Clank it. Miles of it unreeled. What becomes of it after? O, wrap up meat, parcels: various uses, thousand and one things. Slipping his words deftly into the pauses of the clanking he drew swiftly on the scarred woodwork. —Like that, see. Two crossed keys here. A circle. Then here the name. Alexander Keyes, tea, wine and spirit merchant. So on. Better not teach him his own business. —You know yourself, councillor, just what he wants. Then round the top in leaded: the house of keys. You see? Do you think that's a good idea? The foreman moved his scratching hand to his lower ribs and scratched there quietly. —The idea, Mr Bloom said, is the house of keys. You know, councillor, the Manx parliament. Innuendo of home rule. Tourists, you know, from the isle of Man. Catches the eye, you see. Can you do that? I could ask him perhaps about how to pronounce that voglio. But then if he didn't know only make it awkward for him. Better not. —We can do that, the foreman said. Have you the design? —I can get it, Mr Bloom said. It was in a Kilkenny paper. He has a house there too. I'll just run out and ask him. Well, you can do that and just a little par calling attention. You know the usual. Highclass licensed premises. Longfelt want. So on. The foreman thought for an instant. —We can do that, he said. Let him give us a three months' renewal. A typesetter brought him a limp galleypage. He began to check it silently. Mr Bloom stood by, hearing the loud throbs of cranks, watching the silent typesetters at their cases. Want to be sure of his spelling. Proof fever. Martin Cunningham forgot to give us his spellingbee conundrum this morning. It is amusing to view the unpar one ar alleled embarra two ars is it? double ess ment of a harassed pedlar while gauging au the symmetry with a y of a peeled pear under a cemetery wall. Silly, isn't it? Cemetery put in of course on account of the symmetry. I should have said when he clapped on his topper. Thank you. I ought to have said something about an old hat or something. No. I could have said. Looks as good as new now. See his phiz then. Sllt. The nethermost deck of the first machine jogged forward its flyboard with sllt the first batch of quirefolded papers. Sllt. Almost human the way it sllt to call attention. Doing its level best to speak. That door too sllt creaking, asking to be shut. Everything speaks in its own way. Sllt. The foreman handed back the galleypage suddenly, saying: —Wait. Where's the archbishop's letter? It's to be repeated in the Telegraph. Where's what's his name? He looked about him round his loud unanswering machines. —Monks, sir? a voice asked from the castingbox. —Ay. Where's Monks? —Monks! Mr Bloom took up his cutting. Time to get out. —Then I'll get the design, Mr Nannetti, he said, and you'll give it a good place I know. —Monks! —Yes, sir. Three months' renewal. Want to get some wind off my chest first. Try it anyhow. Rub in August: good idea: horseshow month. Ballsbridge. Tourists over for the show. He walked on through the caseroom passing an old man, bowed, spectacled, aproned. Old Monks, the dayfather. Queer lot of stuff he must have put through his hands in his time: obituary notices, pubs' ads, speeches, divorce suits, found drowned. Nearing the end of his tether now. Sober serious man with a bit in the savingsbank I'd say. Wife a good cook and washer. Daughter working the machine in the parlour. Plain Jane, no damn nonsense. AND IT WAS THE FEAST OF THE PASSOVER He stayed in his walk to watch a typesetter neatly distributing type. Reads it backwards first. Quickly he does it. Must require some practice that. mangiD kcirtaP. Poor papa with his hagadah book, reading backwards with his finger to me. Pessach. Next year in Jerusalem. Dear, O dear! All that long business about that brought us out of the land of Egypt and into the house of bondage Alleluia. Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu . No, that's the other. Then the twelve brothers, Jacob's sons. And then the lamb and the cat and the dog and the stick and the water and the butcher. And then the angel of death kills the butcher and he kills the ox and the dog kills the cat. Sounds a bit silly till you come to look into it well. Justice it means but it's everybody eating everyone else. That's what life is after all. How quickly he does that job. Practice makes perfect. Seems to see with his fingers. Mr Bloom passed on out of the clanking noises through the gallery on to the landing. Now am I going to tram it out all the way and then catch him out perhaps. Better phone him up first. Number? Yes. Same as Citron's house. Twentyeight. Twentyeight double four. He went down the house staircase. Who the deuce scrawled all over those walls with matches? Looks as if they did it for a bet. Heavy greasy smell there always is in those works. Lukewarm glue in Thom's next door when I was there. He took out his handkerchief to dab his nose. Citronlemon? Ah, the soap I put there. Lose it out of that pocket. Putting back his handkerchief he took out the soap and stowed it away, buttoned, into the hip pocket of his trousers. What perfume does your wife use? I could go home still: tram: something I forgot. Just to see: before: dressing. No. Here. No. A sudden screech of laughter came from the Evening Telegraph office. Know who that is. What's up? Pop in a minute to phone. Ned Lambert it is. He entered softly. —The ghost walks, professor MacHugh murmured softly, biscuitfully to the dusty windowpane. Mr Dedalus, staring from the empty fireplace at Ned Lambert's quizzing face, asked of it sourly: —Agonising Christ, wouldn't it give you a heartburn on your arse? Ned Lambert, seated on the table, read on: — Or again, note the meanderings of some purling rill as it babbles on its way, tho' quarrelling with the stony obstacles, to the tumbling waters of Neptune's blue domain, 'mid mossy banks, fanned by gentlest zephyrs, played on by the glorious sunlight or 'neath the shadows cast o'er its pensive bosom by the overarching leafage of the giants of the forest . What about that, Simon? he asked over the fringe of his newspaper. How's that for high? —Changing his drink, Mr Dedalus said. Ned Lambert, laughing, struck the newspaper on his knees, repeating: — The pensive bosom and the overarsing leafage . O boys! O boys! —And Xenophon looked upon Marathon, Mr Dedalus said, looking again on the fireplace and to the window, and Marathon looked on the sea. —That will do, professor MacHugh cried from the window. I don't want to hear any more of the stuff. He ate off the crescent of water biscuit he had been nibbling and, hungered, made ready to nibble the biscuit in his other hand. High falutin stuff. Bladderbags. Ned Lambert is taking a day off I see. Rather upsets a man's day, a funeral does. He has influence they say. Old Chatterton, the vicechancellor, is his granduncle or his greatgranduncle. Close on ninety they say. Subleader for his death written this long time perhaps. Living to spite them. Might go first himself. Johnny, make room for your uncle. The right honourable Hedges Eyre Chatterton. Daresay he writes him an odd shaky cheque or two on gale days. Windfall when he kicks out. Alleluia. —Just another spasm, Ned Lambert said. —What is it? Mr Bloom asked. —A recently discovered fragment of Cicero, professor MacHugh answered with pomp of tone. Our lovely land . SHORT BUT TO THE POINT —Whose land? Mr Bloom said simply. —Most pertinent question, the professor said between his chews. With an accent on the whose. —Dan Dawson's land Mr Dedalus said. —Is it his speech last night? Mr Bloom asked. Ned Lambert nodded. —But listen to this, he said. The doorknob hit Mr Bloom in the small of the back as the door was pushed in. —Excuse me, J. J. O'Molloy said, entering. Mr Bloom moved nimbly aside. —I beg yours, he said. —Good day, Jack. —Come in. Come in. —Good day. —How are you, Dedalus? —Well. And yourself? J. J. O'Molloy shook his head. Cleverest fellow at the junior bar he used to be. Decline, poor chap. That hectic flush spells finis for a man. Touch and go with him. What's in the wind, I wonder. Money worry. — Or again if we but climb the serried mountain peaks. —You're looking extra. —Is the editor to be seen? J. J. O'Molloy asked, looking towards the inner door. —Very much so, professor MacHugh said. To be seen and heard. He's in his sanctum with Lenehan. J. J. O'Molloy strolled to the sloping desk and began to turn back the pink pages of the file. Practice dwindling. A mighthavebeen. Losing heart. Gambling. Debts of honour. Reaping the whirlwind. Used to get good retainers from D. and T. Fitzgerald. Their wigs to show the grey matter. Brains on their sleeve like the statue in Glasnevin. Believe he does some literary work for the Express with Gabriel Conroy. Wellread fellow. Myles Crawford began on the Independent. Funny the way those newspaper men veer about when they get wind of a new opening. Weathercocks. Hot and cold in the same breath. Wouldn't know which to believe. One story good till you hear the next. Go for one another baldheaded in the papers and then all blows over. Hail fellow well met the next moment. —Ah, listen to this for God' sake, Ned Lambert pleaded. Or again if we but climb the serried mountain peaks... —Bombast! the professor broke in testily. Enough of the inflated windbag! — Peaks , Ned Lambert went on, towering high on high, to bathe our souls, as it were... —Bathe his lips, Mr Dedalus said. Blessed and eternal God! Yes? Is he taking anything for it? —As 'twere, in the peerless panorama of Ireland's portfolio, unmatched, despite their wellpraised prototypes in other vaunted prize regions, for very beauty, of bosky grove and undulating plain and luscious pastureland of vernal green, steeped in the transcendent translucent glow of our mild mysterious Irish twilight... —The moon, professor MacHugh said. He forgot Hamlet. —That mantles the vista far and wide and wait till the glowing orb of the moon shine forth to irradiate her silver effulgence... —O! Mr Dedalus cried, giving vent to a hopeless groan. Shite and onions! That'll do, Ned. Life is too short. He took off his silk hat and, blowing out impatiently his bushy moustache, welshcombed his hair with raking fingers. Ned Lambert tossed the newspaper aside, chuckling with delight. An instant after a hoarse bark of laughter burst over professor MacHugh's unshaven blackspectacled face. —Doughy Daw! he cried. All very fine to jeer at it now in cold print but it goes down like hot cake that stuff. He was in the bakery line too, wasn't he? Why they call him Doughy Daw. Feathered his nest well anyhow. Daughter engaged to that chap in the inland revenue office with the motor. Hooked that nicely. Entertainments. Open house. Big blowout. Wetherup always said that. Get a grip of them by the stomach. The inner door was opened violently and a scarlet beaked face, crested by a comb of feathery hair, thrust itself in. The bold blue eyes stared about them and the harsh voice asked: —What is it? —And here comes the sham squire himself! professor MacHugh said grandly. —Getonouthat, you bloody old pedagogue! the editor said in recognition. —Come, Ned, Mr Dedalus said, putting on his hat. I must get a drink after that. —Drink! the editor cried. No drinks served before mass. —Quite right too, Mr Dedalus said, going out. Come on, Ned. Ned Lambert sidled down from the table. The editor's blue eyes roved towards Mr Bloom's face, shadowed by a smile. —Will you join us, Myles? Ned Lambert asked. —North Cork militia! the editor cried, striding to the mantelpiece. We won every time! North Cork and Spanish officers! —Where was that, Myles? Ned Lambert asked with a reflective glance at his toecaps. —In Ohio! the editor shouted. —So it was, begad, Ned Lambert agreed. Passing out he whispered to J. J. O'Molloy: —Incipient jigs. Sad case. —Ohio! the editor crowed in high treble from his uplifted scarlet face. My Ohio! —A perfect cretic! the professor said. Long, short and long. He took a reel of dental floss from his waistcoat pocket and, breaking off a piece, twanged it smartly between two and two of his resonant unwashed teeth. —Bingbang, bangbang. Mr Bloom, seeing the coast clear, made for the inner door. —Just a moment, Mr Crawford, he said. I just want to phone about an ad. He went in. —What about that leader this evening? professor MacHugh asked, coming to the editor and laying a firm hand on his shoulder. —That'll be all right, Myles Crawford said more calmly. Never you fret. Hello, Jack. That's all right. —Good day, Myles, J. J. O'Molloy said, letting the pages he held slip limply back on the file. Is that Canada swindle case on today? The telephone whirred inside. —Twentyeight... No, twenty... Double four... Yes. Lenehan came out of the inner office with SPORT'S tissues. —Who wants a dead cert for the Gold cup? he asked. Sceptre with O. Madden up. He tossed the tissues on to the table. Screams of newsboys barefoot in the hall rushed near and the door was flung open. —Hush, Lenehan said. I hear feetstoops. Professor MacHugh strode across the room and seized the cringing urchin by the collar as the others scampered out of the hall and down the steps. The tissues rustled up in the draught, floated softly in the air blue scrawls and under the table came to earth. —It wasn't me, sir. It was the big fellow shoved me, sir. —Throw him out and shut the door, the editor said. There's a hurricane blowing. Lenehan began to paw the tissues up from the floor, grunting as he stooped twice. —Waiting for the racing special, sir, the newsboy said. It was Pat Farrell shoved me, sir. He pointed to two faces peering in round the doorframe. —Him, sir. —Out of this with you, professor MacHugh said gruffly. He hustled the boy out and banged the door to. J. J. O'Molloy turned the files crackingly over, murmuring, seeking: —Continued on page six, column four. —Yes, Evening Telegraph here, Mr Bloom phoned from the inner office. Is the boss...? Yes, Telegraph ... To where? Aha! Which auction rooms ?... Aha! I see... Right. I'll catch him. The bell whirred again as he rang off. He came in quickly and bumped against Lenehan who was struggling up with the second tissue. — Pardon, monsieur , Lenehan said, clutching him for an instant and making a grimace. —My fault, Mr Bloom said, suffering his grip. Are you hurt? I'm in a hurry. —Knee, Lenehan said. He made a comic face and whined, rubbing his knee: —The accumulation of the anno Domini . —Sorry, Mr Bloom said. He went to the door and, holding it ajar, paused. J. J. O'Molloy slapped the heavy pages over. The noise of two shrill voices, a mouthorgan, echoed in the bare hallway from the newsboys squatted on the doorsteps: —I'm just running round to Bachelor's walk, Mr Bloom said, about this ad of Keyes's. Want to fix it up. They tell me he's round there in Dillon's. He looked indecisively for a moment at their faces. The editor who, leaning against the mantelshelf, had propped his head on his hand, suddenly stretched forth an arm amply. —Begone! he said. The world is before you. —Back in no time, Mr Bloom said, hurrying out. J. J. O'Molloy took the tissues from Lenehan's hand and read them, blowing them apart gently, without comment. —He'll get that advertisement, the professor said, staring through his blackrimmed spectacles over the crossblind. Look at the young scamps after him. —Show. Where? Lenehan cried, running to the window. Both smiled over the crossblind at the file of capering newsboys in Mr Bloom's wake, the last zigzagging white on the breeze a mocking kite, a tail of white bowknots. —Look at the young guttersnipe behind him hue and cry, Lenehan said, and you'll kick. O, my rib risible! Taking off his flat spaugs and the walk. Small nines. Steal upon larks. He began to mazurka in swift caricature across the floor on sliding feet past the fireplace to J. J. O'Molloy who placed the tissues in his receiving hands. —What's that? Myles Crawford said with a start. Where are the other two gone? —Who? the professor said, turning. They're gone round to the Oval for a drink. Paddy Hooper is there with Jack Hall. Came over last night. —Come on then, Myles Crawford said. Where's my hat? He walked jerkily into the office behind, parting the vent of his jacket, jingling his keys in his back pocket. They jingled then in the air and against the wood as he locked his desk drawer. —He's pretty well on, professor MacHugh said in a low voice. —Seems to be, J. J. O'Molloy said, taking out a cigarettecase in murmuring meditation, but it is not always as it seems. Who has the most matches? He offered a cigarette to the professor and took one himself. Lenehan promptly struck a match for them and lit their cigarettes in turn. J. J. O'Molloy opened his case again and offered it. — Thanky vous , Lenehan said, helping himself. The editor came from the inner office, a straw hat awry on his brow. He declaimed in song, pointing sternly at professor MacHugh: —'Twas rank and fame that tempted thee, 'Twas empire charmed thy heart. The professor grinned, locking his long lips. —Eh? You bloody old Roman empire? Myles Crawford said. He took a cigarette from the open case. Lenehan, lighting it for him with quick grace, said: —Silence for my brandnew riddle! — Imperium romanum , J. J. O'Molloy said gently. It sounds nobler than British or Brixton. The word reminds one somehow of fat in the fire. Myles Crawford blew his first puff violently towards the ceiling. —That's it, he said. We are the fat. You and I are the fat in the fire. We haven't got the chance of a snowball in hell. —Wait a moment, professor MacHugh said, raising two quiet claws. We mustn't be led away by words, by sounds of words. We think of Rome, imperial, imperious, imperative. He extended elocutionary arms from frayed stained shirtcuffs, pausing: —What was their civilisation? Vast, I allow: but vile. Cloacae: sewers. The Jews in the wilderness and on the mountaintop said: It is meet to be here. Let us build an altar to Jehovah . The Roman, like the Englishman who follows in his footsteps, brought to every new shore on which he set his foot (on our shore he never set it) only his cloacal obsession. He gazed about him in his toga and he said: It is meet to be here. Let us construct a watercloset. —Which they accordingly did do, Lenehan said. Our old ancient ancestors, as we read in the first chapter of Guinness's, were partial to the running stream. —They were nature's gentlemen, J. J. O'Molloy murmured. But we have also Roman law. —And Pontius Pilate is its prophet, professor MacHugh responded. —Do you know that story about chief baron Palles? J. J. O'Molloy asked. It was at the royal university dinner. Everything was going swimmingly ... —First my riddle, Lenehan said. Are you ready? Mr O'Madden Burke, tall in copious grey of Donegal tweed, came in from the hallway. Stephen Dedalus, behind him, uncovered as he entered. — Entrez, mes enfants! Lenehan cried. —I escort a suppliant, Mr O'Madden Burke said melodiously. Youth led by Experience visits Notoriety. —How do you do? the editor said, holding out a hand. Come in. Your governor is just gone.??? Lenehan said to all: —Silence! What opera resembles a railwayline? Reflect, ponder, excogitate, reply. Stephen handed over the typed sheets, pointing to the title and signature. —Who? the editor asked. Bit torn off. —Mr Garrett Deasy, Stephen said. —That old pelters, the editor said. Who tore it? Was he short taken? —Good day, Stephen, the professor said, coming to peer over their shoulders. Foot and mouth? Are you turned...? Bullockbefriending bard. —Good day, sir, Stephen answered blushing. The letter is not mine. Mr Garrett Deasy asked me to... —O, I know him, Myles Crawford said, and I knew his wife too. The bloodiest old tartar God ever made. By Jesus, she had the foot and mouth disease and no mistake! The night she threw the soup in the waiter's face in the Star and Garter. Oho! A woman brought sin into the world. For Helen, the runaway wife of Menelaus, ten years the Greeks. O'Rourke, prince of Breffni. —Is he a widower? Stephen asked. —Ay, a grass one, Myles Crawford said, his eye running down the typescript. Emperor's horses. Habsburg. An Irishman saved his life on the ramparts of Vienna. Don't you forget! Maximilian Karl O'Donnell, graf von Tirconnell in Ireland. Sent his heir over to make the king an Austrian fieldmarshal now. Going to be trouble there one day. Wild geese. O yes, every time. Don't you forget that! —The moot point is did he forget it, J. J. O'Molloy said quietly, turning a horseshoe paperweight. Saving princes is a thank you job. Professor MacHugh turned on him. —And if not? he said. —I'll tell you how it was, Myles Crawford began. A Hungarian it was one day... LOST CAUSES —We were always loyal to lost causes, the professor said. Success for us is the death of the intellect and of the imagination. We were never loyal to the successful. We serve them. I teach the blatant Latin language. I speak the tongue of a race the acme of whose mentality is the maxim: time is money. Material domination. Dominus! Lord! Where is the spirituality? Lord Jesus? Lord Salisbury? A sofa in a westend club. But the Greek! A smile of light brightened his darkrimmed eyes, lengthened his long lips. —The Greek! he said again. Kyrios! Shining word! The vowels the Semite and the Saxon know not. Kyrie! The radiance of the intellect. I ought to profess Greek, the language of the mind. Kyrie eleison! The closetmaker and the cloacamaker will never be lords of our spirit. We are liege subjects of the catholic chivalry of Europe that foundered at Trafalgar and of the empire of the spirit, not an imperium, that went under with the Athenian fleets at Aegospotami. Yes, yes. They went under. Pyrrhus, misled by an oracle, made a last attempt to retrieve the fortunes of Greece. Loyal to a lost cause. He strode away from them towards the window. —They went forth to battle, Mr O'Madden Burke said greyly, but they always fell. —Boohoo! Lenehan wept with a little noise. Owing to a brick received in the latter half of the matinée . Poor, poor, poor Pyrrhus! He whispered then near Stephen's ear: In mourning for Sallust, Mulligan says. Whose mother is beastly dead. Myles Crawford crammed the sheets into a sidepocket. —That'll be all right, he said. I'll read the rest after. That'll be all right. Lenehan extended his hands in protest. —But my riddle! he said. What opera is like a railwayline? —Opera? Mr O'Madden Burke's sphinx face reriddled. Lenehan announced gladly: — The Rose of Castile . See the wheeze? Rows of cast steel. Gee! He poked Mr O'Madden Burke mildly in the spleen. Mr O'Madden Burke fell back with grace on his umbrella, feigning a gasp. —Help! he sighed. I feel a strong weakness. Lenehan, rising to tiptoe, fanned his face rapidly with the rustling tissues. The professor, returning by way of the files, swept his hand across Stephen's and Mr O'Madden Burke's loose ties. —Paris, past and present, he said. You look like communards. —Like fellows who had blown up the Bastile, J. J. O'Molloy said in quiet mockery. Or was it you shot the lord lieutenant of Finland between you? You look as though you had done the deed. General Bobrikoff. —We were only thinking about it, Stephen said. —All the talents, Myles Crawford said. Law, the classics... —The turf, Lenehan put in. —Literature, the press. —If Bloom were here, the professor said. The gentle art of advertisement. —And Madam Bloom, Mr O'Madden Burke added. The vocal muse. Dublin's prime favourite. Lenehan gave a loud cough. —Ahem! he said very softly. O, for a fresh of breath air! I caught a cold in the park. The gate was open. The editor laid a nervous hand on Stephen's shoulder. —I want you to write something for me, he said. Something with a bite in it. You can do it. I see it in your face. In the lexicon of youth ... See it in your face. See it in your eye. Lazy idle little schemer. —Foot and mouth disease! the editor cried in scornful invective. Great nationalist meeting in Borris-in-Ossory. All balls! Bulldosing the public! Give them something with a bite in it. Put us all into it, damn its soul. Father, Son and Holy Ghost and Jakes M'Carthy. —We can all supply mental pabulum, Mr O'Madden Burke said. Stephen raised his eyes to the bold unheeding stare. —He wants you for the pressgang, J. J. O'Molloy said. —You can do it, Myles Crawford repeated, clenching his hand in emphasis. Wait a minute. We'll paralyse Europe as Ignatius Gallaher used to say when he was on the shaughraun, doing billiardmarking in the Clarence. Gallaher, that was a pressman for you. That was a pen. You know how he made his mark? I'll tell you. That was the smartest piece of journalism ever known. That was in eightyone, sixth of May, time of the invincibles, murder in the Phoenix park, before you were born, I suppose. I'll show you. He pushed past them to the files. —Look at here, he said turning. The New York World cabled for a special. Remember that time? Professor MacHugh nodded. — New York World , the editor said, excitedly pushing back his straw hat. Where it took place. Tim Kelly, or Kavanagh I mean. Joe Brady and the rest of them. Where Skin-the-Goat drove the car. Whole route, see? —Skin-the-Goat, Mr O'Madden Burke said. Fitzharris. He has that cabman's shelter, they say, down there at Butt bridge. Holohan told me. You know Holohan? —Hop and carry one, is it? Myles Crawford said. —And poor Gumley is down there too, so he told me, minding stones for the corporation. A night watchman. Stephen turned in surprise. —Gumley? he said. You don't say so? A friend of my father's, is it? —Never mind Gumley, Myles Crawford cried angrily. Let Gumley mind the stones, see they don't run away. Look at here. What did Ignatius Gallaher do? I'll tell you. Inspiration of genius. Cabled right away. Have you Weekly Freeman of 17 March? Right. Have you got that? He flung back pages of the files and stuck his finger on a point. —Take page four, advertisement for Bransome's coffee, let us say. Have you got that? Right. The telephone whirred. —I'll answer it, the professor said, going. —B is parkgate. Good. His finger leaped and struck point after point, vibrating. —T is viceregal lodge. C is where murder took place. K is Knockmaroon gate. The loose flesh of his neck shook like a cock's wattles. An illstarched dicky jutted up and with a rude gesture he thrust it back into his waistcoat. —Hello? Evening Telegraph here... Hello?... Who's there?... Yes... Yes... Yes. —F to P is the route Skin-the-Goat drove the car for an alibi, Inchicore, Roundtown, Windy Arbour, Palmerston Park, Ranelagh. F.A.B.P. Got that? X is Davy's publichouse in upper Leeson street. The professor came to the inner door. —Bloom is at the telephone, he said. —Tell him go to hell, the editor said promptly. X is Davy's publichouse, see? CLEVER, VERY —Clever, Lenehan said. Very. —Gave it to them on a hot plate, Myles Crawford said, the whole bloody history. Nightmare from which you will never awake. —I saw it, the editor said proudly. I was present. Dick Adams, the besthearted bloody Corkman the Lord ever put the breath of life in, and myself. Lenehan bowed to a shape of air, announcing: —Madam, I'm Adam. And Able was I ere I saw Elba. —History! Myles Crawford cried. The Old Woman of Prince's street was there first. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth over that. Out of an advertisement. Gregor Grey made the design for it. That gave him the leg up. Then Paddy Hooper worked Tay Pay who took him on to the Star. Now he's got in with Blumenfeld. That's press. That's talent. Pyatt! He was all their daddies! —The father of scare journalism, Lenehan confirmed, and the brother-in-law of Chris Callinan. —Hello?... Are you there?... Yes, he's here still. Come across yourself. —Where do you find a pressman like that now, eh? the editor cried. He flung the pages down. —Clamn dever, Lenehan said to Mr O'Madden Burke. —Very smart, Mr O'Madden Burke said. Professor MacHugh came from the inner office. —Talking about the invincibles, he said, did you see that some hawkers were up before the recorder? —O yes, J. J. O'Molloy said eagerly. Lady Dudley was walking home through the park to see all the trees that were blown down by that cyclone last year and thought she'd buy a view of Dublin. And it turned out to be a commemoration postcard of Joe Brady or Number One or Skin-the-Goat. Right outside the viceregal lodge, imagine! —They're only in the hook and eye department, Myles Crawford said. Psha! Press and the bar! Where have you a man now at the bar like those fellows, like Whiteside, like Isaac Butt, like silvertongued O'Hagan. Eh? Ah, bloody nonsense. Psha! Only in the halfpenny place. His mouth continued to twitch unspeaking in nervous curls of disdain. Would anyone wish that mouth for her kiss? How do you know? Why did you write it then? Mouth, south. Is the mouth south someway? Or the south a mouth? Must be some. South, pout, out, shout, drouth. Rhymes: two men dressed the same, looking the same, two by two. He saw them three by three, approaching girls, in green, in rose, in russet, entwining, per l'aer perso , in mauve, in purple, quella pacifica oriafiamma , gold of oriflamme, di rimirar fe piu ardenti. But I old men, penitent, leadenfooted, underdarkneath the night: mouth south: tomb womb. —Speak up for yourself, Mr O'Madden Burke said. J. J. O'Molloy, smiling palely, took up the gage. —My dear Myles, he said, flinging his cigarette aside, you put a false construction on my words. I hold no brief, as at present advised, for the third profession qua profession but your Cork legs are running away with you. Why not bring in Henry Grattan and Flood and Demosthenes and Edmund Burke? Ignatius Gallaher we all know and his Chapelizod boss, Harmsworth of the farthing press, and his American cousin of the Bowery guttersheet not to mention Paddy Kelly's Budget, Pue's Occurrences and our watchful friend The Skibbereen Eagle . Why bring in a master of forensic eloquence like Whiteside? Sufficient for the day is the newspaper thereof. LINKS WITH BYGONE DAYS OF YORE —Grattan and Flood wrote for this very paper, the editor cried in his face. Irish volunteers. Where are you now? Established 1763. Dr Lucas. Who have you now like John Philpot Curran? Psha! —Well, J. J. O'Molloy said, Bushe K.C., for example. —Bushe? the editor said. Well, yes: Bushe, yes. He has a strain of it in his blood. Kendal Bushe or I mean Seymour Bushe. —He would have been on the bench long ago, the professor said, only for ... But no matter. J. J. O'Molloy turned to Stephen and said quietly and slowly: —One of the most polished periods I think I ever listened to in my life fell from the lips of Seymour Bushe. It was in that case of fratricide, the Childs murder case. Bushe defended him. And in the porches of mine ear did pour. By the way how did he find that out? He died in his sleep. Or the other story, beast with two backs? —What was that? the professor asked. —He spoke on the law of evidence, J. J. O'Molloy said, of Roman justice as contrasted with the earlier Mosaic code, the lex talionis . And he cited the Moses of Michelangelo in the vatican. —Ha. —A few wellchosen words, Lenehan prefaced. Silence! Pause. J. J. O'Molloy took out his cigarettecase. False lull. Something quite ordinary. Messenger took out his matchbox thoughtfully and lit his cigar. I have often thought since on looking back over that strange time that it was that small act, trivial in itself, that striking of that match, that determined the whole aftercourse of both our lives. A POLISHED PERIOD J. J. O'Molloy resumed, moulding his words: —He said of it: that stony effigy in frozen music, horned and terrible, of the human form divine, that eternal symbol of wisdom and of prophecy which, if aught that the imagination or the hand of sculptor has wrought in marble of soultransfigured and of soultransfiguring deserves to live, deserves to live. His slim hand with a wave graced echo and fall. —Fine! Myles Crawford said at once. —The divine afflatus, Mr O'Madden Burke said. —You like it? J. J. O'Molloy asked Stephen. Stephen, his blood wooed by grace of language and gesture, blushed. He took a cigarette from the case. J. J. O'Molloy offered his case to Myles Crawford. Lenehan lit their cigarettes as before and took his trophy, saying: —Muchibus thankibus. —Professor Magennis was speaking to me about you, J. J. O'Molloy said to Stephen. What do you think really of that hermetic crowd, the opal hush poets: A. E. the mastermystic? That Blavatsky woman started it. She was a nice old bag of tricks. A. E. has been telling some yankee interviewer that you came to him in the small hours of the morning to ask him about planes of consciousness. Magennis thinks you must have been pulling A. E.'s leg. He is a man of the very highest morale, Magennis. Speaking about me. What did he say? What did he say? What did he say about me? Don't ask. —No, thanks, professor MacHugh said, waving the cigarettecase aside. Wait a moment. Let me say one thing. The finest display of oratory I ever heard was a speech made by John F Taylor at the college historical society. Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, the present lord justice of appeal, had spoken and the paper under debate was an essay (new for those days), advocating the revival of the Irish tongue. He turned towards Myles Crawford and said: —You know Gerald Fitzgibbon. Then you can imagine the style of his discourse. —He is sitting with Tim Healy, J. J. O'Molloy said, rumour has it, on the Trinity college estates commission. —He is sitting with a sweet thing, Myles Crawford said, in a child's frock. Go on. Well? —It was the speech, mark you, the professor said, of a finished orator, full of courteous haughtiness and pouring in chastened diction I will not say the vials of his wrath but pouring the proud man's contumely upon the new movement. It was then a new movement. We were weak, therefore worthless. He closed his long thin lips an instant but, eager to be on, raised an outspanned hand to his spectacles and, with trembling thumb and ringfinger touching lightly the black rims, steadied them to a new focus. In ferial tone he addressed J. J. O'Molloy: —Taylor had come there, you must know, from a sickbed. That he had prepared his speech I do not believe for there was not even one shorthandwriter in the hall. His dark lean face had a growth of shaggy beard round it. He wore a loose white silk neckcloth and altogether he looked (though he was not) a dying man. His gaze turned at once but slowly from J. J. O'Molloy's towards Stephen's face and then bent at once to the ground, seeking. His unglazed linen collar appeared behind his bent head, soiled by his withering hair. Still seeking, he said: —When Fitzgibbon's speech had ended John F Taylor rose to reply. Briefly, as well as I can bring them to mind, his words were these. He raised his head firmly. His eyes bethought themselves once more. Witless shellfish swam in the gross lenses to and fro, seeking outlet. He began: —Mr Chairman, ladies and gentlemen: Great was my admiration in listening to the remarks addressed to the youth of Ireland a moment since by my learned friend. It seemed to me that I had been transported into a country far away from this country, into an age remote from this age, that I stood in ancient Egypt and that I was listening to the speech of some highpriest of that land addressed to the youthful Moses. His listeners held their cigarettes poised to hear, their smokes ascending in frail stalks that flowered with his speech. And let our crooked smokes. Noble words coming. Look out. Could you try your hand at it yourself? —And it seemed to me that I heard the voice of that Egyptian highpriest raised in a tone of like haughtiness and like pride. I heard his words and their meaning was revealed to me. It was revealed to me that those things are good which yet are corrupted which neither if they were supremely good nor unless they were good could be corrupted. Ah, curse you! That's saint Augustine. —Why will you jews not accept our culture, our religion and our language? You are a tribe of nomad herdsmen: we are a mighty people. You have no cities nor no wealth: our cities are hives of humanity and our galleys, trireme and quadrireme, laden with all manner merchandise furrow the waters of the known globe. You have but emerged from primitive conditions: we have a literature, a priesthood, an agelong history and a polity. Nile. Child, man, effigy. By the Nilebank the babemaries kneel, cradle of bulrushes: a man supple in combat: stonehorned, stonebearded, heart of stone. —You pray to a local and obscure idol: our temples, majestic and mysterious, are the abodes of Isis and Osiris, of Horus and Ammon Ra. Yours serfdom, awe and humbleness: ours thunder and the seas. Israel is weak and few are her children: Egypt is an host and terrible are her arms. Vagrants and daylabourers are you called: the world trembles at our name. A dumb belch of hunger cleft his speech. He lifted his voice above it boldly: —But, ladies and gentlemen, had the youthful Moses listened to and accepted that view of life, had he bowed his head and bowed his will and bowed his spirit before that arrogant admonition he would never have brought the chosen people out of their house of bondage, nor followed the pillar of the cloud by day. He would never have spoken with the Eternal amid lightnings on Sinai's mountaintop nor ever have come down with the light of inspiration shining in his countenance and bearing in his arms the tables of the law, graven in the language of the outlaw. He ceased and looked at them, enjoying a silence. J. J. O'Molloy said not without regret: —And yet he died without having entered the land of promise. —A sudden—at—the—moment—though—from—lingering—illness—often— previously—expectorated—demise, Lenehan added. And with a great future behind him. The troop of bare feet was heard rushing along the hallway and pattering up the staircase. —That is oratory, the professor said uncontradicted. Gone with the wind. Hosts at Mullaghmast and Tara of the kings. Miles of ears of porches. The tribune's words, howled and scattered to the four winds. A people sheltered within his voice. Dead noise. Akasic records of all that ever anywhere wherever was. Love and laud him: me no more. I have money. —Gentlemen, Stephen said. As the next motion on the agenda paper may I suggest that the house do now adjourn? —You take my breath away. It is not perchance a French compliment? Mr O'Madden Burke asked. 'Tis the hour, methinks, when the winejug, metaphorically speaking, is most grateful in Ye ancient hostelry. —That it be and hereby is resolutely resolved. All that are in favour say ay, Lenehan announced. The contrary no. I declare it carried. To which particular boosing shed?... My casting vote is: Mooney's! He led the way, admonishing: —We will sternly refuse to partake of strong waters, will we not? Yes, we will not. By no manner of means. Mr O'Madden Burke, following close, said with an ally's lunge of his umbrella: —Lay on, Macduff! —Chip of the old block! the editor cried, clapping Stephen on the shoulder. Let us go. Where are those blasted keys? He fumbled in his pocket pulling out the crushed typesheets. —Foot and mouth. I know. That'll be all right. That'll go in. Where are they? That's all right. He thrust the sheets back and went into the inner office. LET US HOPE J. J. O'Molloy, about to follow him in, said quietly to Stephen: —I hope you will live to see it published. Myles, one moment. He went into the inner office, closing the door behind him. —Come along, Stephen, the professor said. That is fine, isn't it? It has the prophetic vision. Fuit Ilium! The sack of windy Troy. Kingdoms of this world. The masters of the Mediterranean are fellaheen today. The first newsboy came pattering down the stairs at their heels and rushed out into the street, yelling: —Racing special! Dublin. I have much, much to learn. They turned to the left along Abbey street. —I have a vision too, Stephen said. —Yes? the professor said, skipping to get into step. Crawford will follow. Another newsboy shot past them, yelling as he ran: —Racing special! Dubliners. —Two Dublin vestals, Stephen said, elderly and pious, have lived fifty and fiftythree years in Fumbally's lane. —Where is that? the professor asked. —Off Blackpitts, Stephen said. Damp night reeking of hungry dough. Against the wall. Face glistering tallow under her fustian shawl. Frantic hearts. Akasic records. Quicker, darlint! On now. Dare it. Let there be life. —They want to see the views of Dublin from the top of Nelson's pillar. They save up three and tenpence in a red tin letterbox moneybox. They shake out the threepenny bits and sixpences and coax out the pennies with the blade of a knife. Two and three in silver and one and seven in coppers. They put on their bonnets and best clothes and take their umbrellas for fear it may come on to rain. —Wise virgins, professor MacHugh said. —They buy one and fourpenceworth of brawn and four slices of panloaf at the north city diningrooms in Marlborough street from Miss Kate Collins, proprietress... They purchase four and twenty ripe plums from a girl at the foot of Nelson's pillar to take off the thirst of the brawn. They give two threepenny bits to the gentleman at the turnstile and begin to waddle slowly up the winding staircase, grunting, encouraging each other, afraid of the dark, panting, one asking the other have you the brawn, praising God and the Blessed Virgin, threatening to come down, peeping at the airslits. Glory be to God. They had no idea it was that high. Their names are Anne Kearns and Florence MacCabe. Anne Kearns has the lumbago for which she rubs on Lourdes water, given her by a lady who got a bottleful from a passionist father. Florence MacCabe takes a crubeen and a bottle of double X for supper every Saturday. —Antithesis, the professor said nodding twice. Vestal virgins. I can see them. What's keeping our friend? He turned. A bevy of scampering newsboys rushed down the steps, scattering in all directions, yelling, their white papers fluttering. Hard after them Myles Crawford appeared on the steps, his hat aureoling his scarlet face, talking with J. J. O'Molloy. —Come along, the professor cried, waving his arm. He set off again to walk by Stephen's side. RETURN OF BLOOM —Yes, he said. I see them. Mr Bloom, breathless, caught in a whirl of wild newsboys near the offices of the Irish Catholic and Dublin Penny Journal , called: —Mr Crawford! A moment! — Telegraph ! Racing special! —What is it? Myles Crawford said, falling back a pace. A newsboy cried in Mr Bloom's face: —Terrible tragedy in Rathmines! A child bit by a bellows! —Just this ad, Mr Bloom said, pushing through towards the steps, puffing, and taking the cutting from his pocket. I spoke with Mr Keyes just now. He'll give a renewal for two months, he says. After he'll see. But he wants a par to call attention in the Telegraph too, the Saturday pink. And he wants it copied if it's not too late I told councillor Nannetti from the Kilkenny People . I can have access to it in the national library. House of keys, don't you see? His name is Keyes. It's a play on the name. But he practically promised he'd give the renewal. But he wants just a little puff. What will I tell him, Mr Crawford? K.M.A. —Will you tell him he can kiss my arse? Myles Crawford said throwing out his arm for emphasis. Tell him that straight from the stable. A bit nervy. Look out for squalls. All off for a drink. Arm in arm. Lenehan's yachting cap on the cadge beyond. Usual blarney. Wonder is that young Dedalus the moving spirit. Has a good pair of boots on him today. Last time I saw him he had his heels on view. Been walking in muck somewhere. Careless chap. What was he doing in Irishtown? —Well, Mr Bloom said, his eyes returning, if I can get the design I suppose it's worth a short par. He'd give the ad, I think. I'll tell him ... K.M.R.I.A. —He can kiss my royal Irish arse, Myles Crawford cried loudly over his shoulder. Any time he likes, tell him. While Mr Bloom stood weighing the point and about to smile he strode on jerkily. — Nulla bona , Jack, he said, raising his hand to his chin. I'm up to here. I've been through the hoop myself. I was looking for a fellow to back a bill for me no later than last week. Sorry, Jack. You must take the will for the deed. With a heart and a half if I could raise the wind anyhow. J. J. O'Molloy pulled a long face and walked on silently. They caught up on the others and walked abreast. —When they have eaten the brawn and the bread and wiped their twenty fingers in the paper the bread was wrapped in they go nearer to the railings. —Something for you, the professor explained to Myles Crawford. Two old Dublin women on the top of Nelson's pillar. —That's new, Myles Crawford said. That's copy. Out for the waxies Dargle. Two old trickies, what? —But they are afraid the pillar will fall, Stephen went on. They see the roofs and argue about where the different churches are: Rathmines' blue dome, Adam and Eve's, saint Laurence O'Toole's. But it makes them giddy to look so they pull up their skirts... —Easy all, Myles Crawford said. No poetic licence. We're in the archdiocese here. —And settle down on their striped petticoats, peering up at the statue of the onehandled adulterer. —Onehandled adulterer! the professor cried. I like that. I see the idea. I see what you mean. —It gives them a crick in their necks, Stephen said, and they are too tired to look up or down or to speak. They put the bag of plums between them and eat the plums out of it, one after another, wiping off with their handkerchiefs the plumjuice that dribbles out of their mouths and spitting the plumstones slowly out between the railings. He gave a sudden loud young laugh as a close. Lenehan and Mr O'Madden Burke, hearing, turned, beckoned and led on across towards Mooney's. —Finished? Myles Crawford said. So long as they do no worse. SOPHIST WALLOPS HAUGHTY HELEN SQUARE ON PROBOSCIS. SPARTANS GNASH MOLARS. ITHACANS VOW PEN IS CHAMP. —You remind me of Antisthenes, the professor said, a disciple of Gorgias, the sophist. It is said of him that none could tell if he were bitterer against others or against himself. He was the son of a noble and a bondwoman. And he wrote a book in which he took away the palm of beauty from Argive Helen and handed it to poor Penelope. Poor Penelope. Penelope Rich. They made ready to cross O'Connell street. At various points along the eight lines tramcars with motionless trolleys stood in their tracks, bound for or from Rathmines, Rathfarnham, Blackrock, Kingstown and Dalkey, Sandymount Green, Ringsend and Sandymount Tower, Donnybrook, Palmerston Park and Upper Rathmines, all still, becalmed in short circuit. Hackney cars, cabs, delivery waggons, mailvans, private broughams, aerated mineral water floats with rattling crates of bottles, rattled, rolled, horsedrawn, rapidly. —But what do you call it? Myles Crawford asked. Where did they get the plums? —Call it, wait, the professor said, opening his long lips wide to reflect. Call it, let me see. Call it: deus nobis haec otia fecit. —No, Stephen said. I call it A Pisgah Sight of Palestine or the Parable of The Plums. —I see, the professor said. He laughed richly. —I see, he said again with new pleasure. Moses and the promised land. We gave him that idea, he added to J. J. O'Molloy. J. J. O'Molloy sent a weary sidelong glance towards the statue and held his peace. —I see, the professor said. He halted on sir John Gray's pavement island and peered aloft at Nelson through the meshes of his wry smile. DIMINISHED DIGITS PROVE TOO TITILLATING FOR FRISKY FRUMPS. ANNE WIMBLES, FLO WANGLES—YET CAN YOU BLAME THEM? —Onehandled adulterer, he said smiling grimly. That tickles me, I must say. —Tickled the old ones too, Myles Crawford said, if the God Almighty's truth was known. Pineapple rock, lemon platt, butter scotch. A sugarsticky girl shovelling scoopfuls of creams for a christian brother. Some school treat. Bad for their tummies. Lozenge and comfit manufacturer to His Majesty the King. God. Save. Our. Sitting on his throne sucking red jujubes white. A sombre Y.M.C.A. young man, watchful among the warm sweet fumes of Graham Lemon's, placed a throwaway in a hand of Mr Bloom. Heart to heart talks. Bloo... Me? No. Blood of the Lamb. His slow feet walked him riverward, reading. Are you saved? All are washed in the blood of the lamb. God wants blood victim. Birth, hymen, martyr, war, foundation of a building, sacrifice, kidney burntoffering, druids' altars. Elijah is coming. Dr John Alexander Dowie restorer of the church in Zion is coming. Is coming! Is coming!! Is coming!!! All heartily welcome. Paying game. Torry and Alexander last year. Polygamy. His wife will put the stopper on that. Where was that ad some Birmingham firm the luminous crucifix. Our Saviour. Wake up in the dead of night and see him on the wall, hanging. Pepper's ghost idea. Iron nails ran in. Phosphorus it must be done with. If you leave a bit of codfish for instance. I could see the bluey silver over it. Night I went down to the pantry in the kitchen. Don't like all the smells in it waiting to rush out. What was it she wanted? The Malaga raisins. Thinking of Spain. Before Rudy was born. The phosphorescence, that bluey greeny. Very good for the brain. From Butler's monument house corner he glanced along Bachelor's walk. Dedalus' daughter there still outside Dillon's auctionrooms. Must be selling off some old furniture. Knew her eyes at once from the father. Lobbing about waiting for him. Home always breaks up when the mother goes. Fifteen children he had. Birth every year almost. That's in their theology or the priest won't give the poor woman the confession, the absolution. Increase and multiply. Did you ever hear such an idea? Eat you out of house and home. No families themselves to feed. Living on the fat of the land. Their butteries and larders. I'd like to see them do the black fast Yom Kippur. Crossbuns. One meal and a collation for fear he'd collapse on the altar. A housekeeper of one of those fellows if you could pick it out of her. Never pick it out of her. Like getting l.s.d. out of him. Does himself well. No guests. All for number one. Watching his water. Bring your own bread and butter. His reverence: mum's the word. Good Lord, that poor child's dress is in flitters. Underfed she looks too. Potatoes and marge, marge and potatoes. It's after they feel it. Proof of the pudding. Undermines the constitution. As he set foot on O'Connell bridge a puffball of smoke plumed up from the parapet. Brewery barge with export stout. England. Sea air sours it, I heard. Be interesting some day get a pass through Hancock to see the brewery. Regular world in itself. Vats of porter wonderful. Rats get in too. Drink themselves bloated as big as a collie floating. Dead drunk on the porter. Drink till they puke again like christians. Imagine drinking that! Rats: vats. Well, of course, if we knew all the things. Looking down he saw flapping strongly, wheeling between the gaunt quaywalls, gulls. Rough weather outside. If I threw myself down? Reuben J's son must have swallowed a good bellyful of that sewage. One and eightpence too much. Hhhhm. It's the droll way he comes out with the things. Knows how to tell a story too. They wheeled lower. Looking for grub. Wait. He threw down among them a crumpled paper ball. Elijah thirtytwo feet per sec is com. Not a bit. The ball bobbed unheeded on the wake of swells, floated under by the bridgepiers. Not such damn fools. Also the day I threw that stale cake out of the Erin's King picked it up in the wake fifty yards astern. Live by their wits. They wheeled, flapping. That is how poets write, the similar sounds. But then Shakespeare has no rhymes: blank verse. The flow of the language it is. The thoughts. Solemn. His gaze passed over the glazed apples serried on her stand. Australians they must be this time of year. Shiny peels: polishes them up with a rag or a handkerchief. Wait. Those poor birds. He halted again and bought from the old applewoman two Banbury cakes for a penny and broke the brittle paste and threw its fragments down into the Liffey. See that? The gulls swooped silently, two, then all from their heights, pouncing on prey. Gone. Every morsel. Aware of their greed and cunning he shook the powdery crumb from his hands. They never expected that. Manna. Live on fish, fishy flesh they have, all seabirds, gulls, seagoose. Swans from Anna Liffey swim down here sometimes to preen themselves. No accounting for tastes. Wonder what kind is swanmeat. Robinson Crusoe had to live on them. They wheeled flapping weakly. I'm not going to throw any more. Penny quite enough. Lot of thanks I get. Not even a caw. They spread foot and mouth disease too. If you cram a turkey say on chestnutmeal it tastes like that. Eat pig like pig. But then why is it that saltwater fish are not salty? How is that? His eyes sought answer from the river and saw a rowboat rock at anchor on the treacly swells lazily its plastered board. Kino's 11/- Trousers Good idea that. Wonder if he pays rent to the corporation. How can you own water really? It's always flowing in a stream, never the same, which in the stream of life we trace. Because life is a stream. All kinds of places are good for ads. That quack doctor for the clap used to be stuck up in all the greenhouses. Never see it now. Strictly confidential. Dr Hy Franks. Didn't cost him a red like Maginni the dancing master self advertisement. Got fellows to stick them up or stick them up himself for that matter on the q. t. running in to loosen a button. Flybynight. Just the place too. POST NO BILLS. POST 110 PILLS. Some chap with a dose burning him. If he...? Eh? No... No. No, no. I don't believe it. He wouldn't surely? No, no. Mr Bloom moved forward, raising his troubled eyes. Think no more about that. After one. Timeball on the ballastoffice is down. Dunsink time. Fascinating little book that is of sir Robert Ball's. Parallax. I never exactly understood. There's a priest. Could ask him. Par it's Greek: parallel, parallax. Met him pike hoses she called it till I told her about the transmigration. O rocks! Mr Bloom smiled O rocks at two windows of the ballastoffice. She's right after all. Only big words for ordinary things on account of the sound. She's not exactly witty. Can be rude too. Blurt out what I was thinking. Still, I don't know. She used to say Ben Dollard had a base barreltone voice. He has legs like barrels and you'd think he was singing into a barrel. Now, isn't that wit. They used to call him big Ben. Not half as witty as calling him base barreltone. Appetite like an albatross. Get outside of a baron of beef. Powerful man he was at stowing away number one Bass. Barrel of Bass. See? It all works out. A procession of whitesmocked sandwichmen marched slowly towards him along the gutter, scarlet sashes across their boards. Bargains. Like that priest they are this morning: we have sinned: we have suffered. He read the scarlet letters on their five tall white hats: H. E. L. Y. S. Wisdom Hely's. Y lagging behind drew a chunk of bread from under his foreboard, crammed it into his mouth and munched as he walked. Our staple food. Three bob a day, walking along the gutters, street after street. Just keep skin and bone together, bread and skilly. They are not Boyl: no, M Glade's men. Doesn't bring in any business either. I suggested to him about a transparent showcart with two smart girls sitting inside writing letters, copybooks, envelopes, blottingpaper. I bet that would have caught on. Smart girls writing something catch the eye at once. Everyone dying to know what she's writing. Get twenty of them round you if you stare at nothing. Have a finger in the pie. Women too. Curiosity. Pillar of salt. Wouldn't have it of course because he didn't think of it himself first. Or the inkbottle I suggested with a false stain of black celluloid. His ideas for ads like Plumtree's potted under the obituaries, cold meat department. You can't lick 'em. What? Our envelopes. Hello, Jones, where are you going? Can't stop, Robinson, I am hastening to purchase the only reliable inkeraser Kansell, sold by Hely's Ltd, 85 Dame street. Well out of that ruck I am. Devil of a job it was collecting accounts of those convents. Tranquilla convent. That was a nice nun there, really sweet face. Wimple suited her small head. Sister? Sister? I am sure she was crossed in love by her eyes. Very hard to bargain with that sort of a woman. I disturbed her at her devotions that morning. But glad to communicate with the outside world. Our great day, she said. Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. Sweet name too: caramel. She knew I, I think she knew by the way she. If she had married she would have changed. I suppose they really were short of money. Fried everything in the best butter all the same. No lard for them. My heart's broke eating dripping. They like buttering themselves in and out. Molly tasting it, her veil up. Sister? Pat Claffey, the pawnbroker's daughter. It was a nun they say invented barbed wire. He crossed Westmoreland street when apostrophe S had plodded by. Rover cycleshop. Those races are on today. How long ago is that? Year Phil Gilligan died. We were in Lombard street west. Wait: was in Thom's. Got the job in Wisdom Hely's year we married. Six years. Ten years ago: ninetyfour he died yes that's right the big fire at Arnott's. Val Dillon was lord mayor. The Glencree dinner. Alderman Robert O'Reilly emptying the port into his soup before the flag fell. Bobbob lapping it for the inner alderman. Couldn't hear what the band played. For what we have already received may the Lord make us. Milly was a kiddy then. Molly had that elephantgrey dress with the braided frogs. Mantailored with selfcovered buttons. She didn't like it because I sprained my ankle first day she wore choir picnic at the Sugarloaf. As if that. Old Goodwin's tall hat done up with some sticky stuff. Flies' picnic too. Never put a dress on her back like it. Fitted her like a glove, shoulders and hips. Just beginning to plump it out well. Rabbitpie we had that day. People looking after her. Happy. Happier then. Snug little room that was with the red wallpaper. Dockrell's, one and ninepence a dozen. Milly's tubbing night. American soap I bought: elderflower. Cosy smell of her bathwater. Funny she looked soaped all over. Shapely too. Now photography. Poor papa's daguerreotype atelier he told me of. Hereditary taste. He walked along the curbstone. Stream of life. What was the name of that priestylooking chap was always squinting in when he passed? Weak eyes, woman. Stopped in Citron's saint Kevin's parade. Pen something. Pendennis? My memory is getting. Pen ...? Of course it's years ago. Noise of the trams probably. Well, if he couldn't remember the dayfather's name that he sees every day. Bartell d'Arcy was the tenor, just coming out then. Seeing her home after practice. Conceited fellow with his waxedup moustache. Gave her that song Winds that blow from the south . Windy night that was I went to fetch her there was that lodge meeting on about those lottery tickets after Goodwin's concert in the supperroom or oakroom of the Mansion house. He and I behind. Sheet of her music blew out of my hand against the High school railings. Lucky it didn't. Thing like that spoils the effect of a night for her. Professor Goodwin linking her in front. Shaky on his pins, poor old sot. His farewell concerts. Positively last appearance on any stage. May be for months and may be for never. Remember her laughing at the wind, her blizzard collar up. Corner of Harcourt road remember that gust. Brrfoo! Blew up all her skirts and her boa nearly smothered old Goodwin. She did get flushed in the wind. Remember when we got home raking up the fire and frying up those pieces of lap of mutton for her supper with the Chutney sauce she liked. And the mulled rum. Could see her in the bedroom from the hearth unclamping the busk of her stays: white. Swish and soft flop her stays made on the bed. Always warm from her. Always liked to let her self out. Sitting there after till near two taking out her hairpins. Milly tucked up in beddyhouse. Happy. Happy. That was the night... —O, Mr Bloom, how do you do? —O, how do you do, Mrs Breen? —No use complaining. How is Molly those times? Haven't seen her for ages. —In the pink, Mr Bloom said gaily. Milly has a position down in Mullingar, you know. —Go away! Isn't that grand for her? —Yes. In a photographer's there. Getting on like a house on fire. How are all your charges? —All on the baker's list, Mrs Breen said. How many has she? No other in sight. —You're in black, I see. You have no... —No, Mr Bloom said. I have just come from a funeral. Going to crop up all day, I foresee. Who's dead, when and what did he die of? Turn up like a bad penny. —O, dear me, Mrs Breen said. I hope it wasn't any near relation. May as well get her sympathy. —Dignam, Mr Bloom said. An old friend of mine. He died quite suddenly, poor fellow. Heart trouble, I believe. Funeral was this morning. Your funeral's tomorrow While you're coming through the rye. Diddlediddle dumdum Diddlediddle... —Sad to lose the old friends, Mrs Breen's womaneyes said melancholily. Now that's quite enough about that. Just: quietly: husband. —And your lord and master? Mrs Breen turned up her two large eyes. Hasn't lost them anyhow. —O, don't be talking! she said. He's a caution to rattlesnakes. He's in there now with his lawbooks finding out the law of libel. He has me heartscalded. Wait till I show you. Hot mockturtle vapour and steam of newbaked jampuffs rolypoly poured out from Harrison's. The heavy noonreek tickled the top of Mr Bloom's gullet. Want to make good pastry, butter, best flour, Demerara sugar, or they'd taste it with the hot tea. Or is it from her? A barefoot arab stood over the grating, breathing in the fumes. Deaden the gnaw of hunger that way. Pleasure or pain is it? Penny dinner. Knife and fork chained to the table. Opening her handbag, chipped leather. Hatpin: ought to have a guard on those things. Stick it in a chap's eye in the tram. Rummaging. Open. Money. Please take one. Devils if they lose sixpence. Raise Cain. Husband barging. Where's the ten shillings I gave you on Monday? Are you feeding your little brother's family? Soiled handkerchief: medicinebottle. Pastille that was fell. What is she?... —There must be a new moon out, she said. He's always bad then. Do you know what he did last night? Her hand ceased to rummage. Her eyes fixed themselves on him, wide in alarm, yet smiling. —What? Mr Bloom asked. Let her speak. Look straight in her eyes. I believe you. Trust me. —Woke me up in the night, she said. Dream he had, a nightmare. Indiges. —Said the ace of spades was walking up the stairs. —The ace of spades! Mr Bloom said. She took a folded postcard from her handbag. —Read that, she said. He got it this morning. —What is it? Mr Bloom asked, taking the card. U.P.? —U.P.: up, she said. Someone taking a rise out of him. It's a great shame for them whoever he is. —Indeed it is, Mr Bloom said. She took back the card, sighing. —And now he's going round to Mr Menton's office. He's going to take an action for ten thousand pounds, he says. She folded the card into her untidy bag and snapped the catch. Same blue serge dress she had two years ago, the nap bleaching. Seen its best days. Wispish hair over her ears. And that dowdy toque: three old grapes to take the harm out of it. Shabby genteel. She used to be a tasty dresser. Lines round her mouth. Only a year or so older than Molly. See the eye that woman gave her, passing. Cruel. The unfair sex. He looked still at her, holding back behind his look his discontent. Pungent mockturtle oxtail mulligatawny. I'm hungry too. Flakes of pastry on the gusset of her dress: daub of sugary flour stuck to her cheek. Rhubarb tart with liberal fillings, rich fruit interior. Josie Powell that was. In Luke Doyle's long ago. Dolphin's Barn, the charades. U.P.: up. Change the subject. —Do you ever see anything of Mrs Beaufoy? Mr Bloom asked. —Mina Purefoy? she said. Philip Beaufoy I was thinking. Playgoers' Club. Matcham often thinks of the masterstroke. Did I pull the chain? Yes. The last act. —Yes. —I just called to ask on the way in is she over it. She's in the lying-in hospital in Holles street. Dr Horne got her in. She's three days bad now. —O, Mr Bloom said. I'm sorry to hear that. —Yes, Mrs Breen said. And a houseful of kids at home. It's a very stiff birth, the nurse told me. —-O, Mr Bloom said. His heavy pitying gaze absorbed her news. His tongue clacked in compassion. Dth! Dth! —I'm sorry to hear that, he said. Poor thing! Three days! That's terrible for her. Mrs Breen nodded. —She was taken bad on the Tuesday... Mr Bloom touched her funnybone gently, warning her: —Mind! Let this man pass. A bony form strode along the curbstone from the river staring with a rapt gaze into the sunlight through a heavystringed glass. Tight as a skullpiece a tiny hat gripped his head. From his arm a folded dustcoat, a stick and an umbrella dangled to his stride. —Watch him, Mr Bloom said. He always walks outside the lampposts. Watch! —Who is he if it's a fair question? Mrs Breen asked. Is he dotty? —His name is Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell, Mr Bloom said smiling. Watch! —He has enough of them, she said. Denis will be like that one of these days. She broke off suddenly. —There he is, she said. I must go after him. Goodbye. Remember me to Molly, won't you? —I will, Mr Bloom said. He watched her dodge through passers towards the shopfronts. Denis Breen in skimpy frockcoat and blue canvas shoes shuffled out of Harrison's hugging two heavy tomes to his ribs. Blown in from the bay. Like old times. He suffered her to overtake him without surprise and thrust his dull grey beard towards her, his loose jaw wagging as he spoke earnestly. Meshuggah. Off his chump. Mr Bloom walked on again easily, seeing ahead of him in sunlight the tight skullpiece, the dangling stickumbrelladustcoat. Going the two days. Watch him! Out he goes again. One way of getting on in the world. And that other old mosey lunatic in those duds. Hard time she must have with him. U.P.: up. I'll take my oath that's Alf Bergan or Richie Goulding. Wrote it for a lark in the Scotch house I bet anything. Round to Menton's office. His oyster eyes staring at the postcard. Be a feast for the gods. He passed the Irish Times . There might be other answers Iying there. Like to answer them all. Good system for criminals. Code. At their lunch now. Clerk with the glasses there doesn't know me. O, leave them there to simmer. Enough bother wading through fortyfour of them. Wanted, smart lady typist to aid gentleman in literary work. I called you naughty darling because I do not like that other world. Please tell me what is the meaning. Please tell me what perfume does your wife. Tell me who made the world. The way they spring those questions on you. And the other one Lizzie Twigg. My literary efforts have had the good fortune to meet with the approval of the eminent poet A. E. (Mr Geo. Russell). No time to do her hair drinking sloppy tea with a book of poetry. Best paper by long chalks for a small ad. Got the provinces now. Cook and general, exc. cuisine, housemaid kept. Wanted live man for spirit counter. Resp. girl (R.C.) wishes to hear of post in fruit or pork shop. James Carlisle made that. Six and a half per cent dividend. Made a big deal on Coates's shares. Ca' canny. Cunning old Scotch hunks. All the toady news. Our gracious and popular vicereine. Bought the Irish Field now. Lady Mountcashel has quite recovered after her confinement and rode out with the Ward Union staghounds at the enlargement yesterday at Rathoath. Uneatable fox. Pothunters too. Fear injects juices make it tender enough for them. Riding astride. Sit her horse like a man. Weightcarrying huntress. No sidesaddle or pillion for her, not for Joe. First to the meet and in at the death. Strong as a brood mare some of those horsey women. Swagger around livery stables. Toss off a glass of brandy neat while you'd say knife. That one at the Grosvenor this morning. Up with her on the car: wishswish. Stonewall or fivebarred gate put her mount to it. Think that pugnosed driver did it out of spite. Who is this she was like? O yes! Mrs Miriam Dandrade that sold me her old wraps and black underclothes in the Shelbourne hotel. Divorced Spanish American. Didn't take a feather out of her my handling them. As if I was her clotheshorse. Saw her in the viceregal party when Stubbs the park ranger got me in with Whelan of the Express. Scavenging what the quality left. High tea. Mayonnaise I poured on the plums thinking it was custard. Her ears ought to have tingled for a few weeks after. Want to be a bull for her. Born courtesan. No nursery work for her, thanks. Poor Mrs Purefoy! Methodist husband. Method in his madness. Saffron bun and milk and soda lunch in the educational dairy. Y. M. C. A. Eating with a stopwatch, thirtytwo chews to the minute. And still his muttonchop whiskers grew. Supposed to be well connected. Theodore's cousin in Dublin Castle. One tony relative in every family. Hardy annuals he presents her with. Saw him out at the Three Jolly Topers marching along bareheaded and his eldest boy carrying one in a marketnet. The squallers. Poor thing! Then having to give the breast year after year all hours of the night. Selfish those t.t's are. Dog in the manger. Only one lump of sugar in my tea, if you please. He stood at Fleet street crossing. Luncheon interval. A sixpenny at Rowe's? Must look up that ad in the national library. An eightpenny in the Burton. Better. On my way. He walked on past Bolton's Westmoreland house. Tea. Tea. Tea. I forgot to tap Tom Kernan. Sss. Dth, dth, dth! Three days imagine groaning on a bed with a vinegared handkerchief round her forehead, her belly swollen out. Phew! Dreadful simply! Child's head too big: forceps. Doubled up inside her trying to butt its way out blindly, groping for the way out. Kill me that would. Lucky Molly got over hers lightly. They ought to invent something to stop that. Life with hard labour. Twilight sleep idea: queen Victoria was given that. Nine she had. A good layer. Old woman that lived in a shoe she had so many children. Suppose he was consumptive. Time someone thought about it instead of gassing about the what was it the pensive bosom of the silver effulgence. Flapdoodle to feed fools on. They could easily have big establishments whole thing quite painless out of all the taxes give every child born five quid at compound interest up to twentyone five per cent is a hundred shillings and five tiresome pounds multiply by twenty decimal system encourage people to put by money save hundred and ten and a bit twentyone years want to work it out on paper come to a tidy sum more than you think. Not stillborn of course. They are not even registered. Trouble for nothing. Funny sight two of them together, their bellies out. Molly and Mrs Moisel. Mothers' meeting. Phthisis retires for the time being, then returns. How flat they look all of a sudden after. Peaceful eyes. Weight off their mind. Old Mrs Thornton was a jolly old soul. All my babies, she said. The spoon of pap in her mouth before she fed them. O, that's nyumnyum. Got her hand crushed by old Tom Wall's son. His first bow to the public. Head like a prize pumpkin. Snuffy Dr Murren. People knocking them up at all hours. For God' sake, doctor. Wife in her throes. Then keep them waiting months for their fee. To attendance on your wife. No gratitude in people. Humane doctors, most of them. Before the huge high door of the Irish house of parliament a flock of pigeons flew. Their little frolic after meals. Who will we do it on? I pick the fellow in black. Here goes. Here's good luck. Must be thrilling from the air. Apjohn, myself and Owen Goldberg up in the trees near Goose green playing the monkeys. Mackerel they called me. A squad of constables debouched from College street, marching in Indian file. Goosestep. Foodheated faces, sweating helmets, patting their truncheons. After their feed with a good load of fat soup under their belts. Policeman's lot is oft a happy one. They split up in groups and scattered, saluting, towards their beats. Let out to graze. Best moment to attack one in pudding time. A punch in his dinner. A squad of others, marching irregularly, rounded Trinity railings making for the station. Bound for their troughs. Prepare to receive cavalry. Prepare to receive soup. He crossed under Tommy Moore's roguish finger. They did right to put him up over a urinal: meeting of the waters. Ought to be places for women. Running into cakeshops. Settle my hat straight. There is not in this wide world a vallee . Great song of Julia Morkan's. Kept her voice up to the very last. Pupil of Michael Balfe's, wasn't she? He gazed after the last broad tunic. Nasty customers to tackle. Jack Power could a tale unfold: father a G man. If a fellow gave them trouble being lagged they let him have it hot and heavy in the bridewell. Can't blame them after all with the job they have especially the young hornies. That horsepoliceman the day Joe Chamberlain was given his degree in Trinity he got a run for his money. My word he did! His horse's hoofs clattering after us down Abbey street. Lucky I had the presence of mind to dive into Manning's or I was souped. He did come a wallop, by George. Must have cracked his skull on the cobblestones. I oughtn't to have got myself swept along with those medicals. And the Trinity jibs in their mortarboards. Looking for trouble. Still I got to know that young Dixon who dressed that sting for me in the Mater and now he's in Holles street where Mrs Purefoy. Wheels within wheels. Police whistle in my ears still. All skedaddled. Why he fixed on me. Give me in charge. Right here it began. —Up the Boers! —Three cheers for De Wet! —We'll hang Joe Chamberlain on a sourapple tree. Silly billies: mob of young cubs yelling their guts out. Vinegar hill. The Butter exchange band. Few years' time half of them magistrates and civil servants. War comes on: into the army helterskelter: same fellows used to. Whether on the scaffold high. Never know who you're talking to. Corny Kelleher he has Harvey Duff in his eye. Like that Peter or Denis or James Carey that blew the gaff on the invincibles. Member of the corporation too. Egging raw youths on to get in the know all the time drawing secret service pay from the castle. Drop him like a hot potato. Why those plainclothes men are always courting slaveys. Easily twig a man used to uniform. Squarepushing up against a backdoor. Maul her a bit. Then the next thing on the menu. And who is the gentleman does be visiting there? Was the young master saying anything? Peeping Tom through the keyhole. Decoy duck. Hotblooded young student fooling round her fat arms ironing. —Are those yours, Mary? —I don't wear such things... Stop or I'll tell the missus on you. Out half the night. —There are great times coming, Mary. Wait till you see. —Ah, gelong with your great times coming. Barmaids too. Tobaccoshopgirls. James Stephens' idea was the best. He knew them. Circles of ten so that a fellow couldn't round on more than his own ring. Sinn Fein. Back out you get the knife. Hidden hand. Stay in. The firing squad. Turnkey's daughter got him out of Richmond, off from Lusk. Putting up in the Buckingham Palace hotel under their very noses. Garibaldi. You must have a certain fascination: Parnell. Arthur Griffith is a squareheaded fellow but he has no go in him for the mob. Or gas about our lovely land. Gammon and spinach. Dublin Bakery Company's tearoom. Debating societies. That republicanism is the best form of government. That the language question should take precedence of the economic question. Have your daughters inveigling them to your house. Stuff them up with meat and drink. Michaelmas goose. Here's a good lump of thyme seasoning under the apron for you. Have another quart of goosegrease before it gets too cold. Halffed enthusiasts. Penny roll and a walk with the band. No grace for the carver. The thought that the other chap pays best sauce in the world. Make themselves thoroughly at home. Show us over those apricots, meaning peaches. The not far distant day. Homerule sun rising up in the northwest. His smile faded as he walked, a heavy cloud hiding the sun slowly, shadowing Trinity's surly front. Trams passed one another, ingoing, outgoing, clanging. Useless words. Things go on same, day after day: squads of police marching out, back: trams in, out. Those two loonies mooching about. Dignam carted off. Mina Purefoy swollen belly on a bed groaning to have a child tugged out of her. One born every second somewhere. Other dying every second. Since I fed the birds five minutes. Three hundred kicked the bucket. Other three hundred born, washing the blood off, all are washed in the blood of the lamb, bawling maaaaaa. Cityful passing away, other cityful coming, passing away too: other coming on, passing on. Houses, lines of houses, streets, miles of pavements, piledup bricks, stones. Changing hands. This owner, that. Landlord never dies they say. Other steps into his shoes when he gets his notice to quit. They buy the place up with gold and still they have all the gold. Swindle in it somewhere. Piled up in cities, worn away age after age. Pyramids in sand. Built on bread and onions. Slaves Chinese wall. Babylon. Big stones left. Round towers. Rest rubble, sprawling suburbs, jerrybuilt. Kerwan's mushroom houses built of breeze. Shelter, for the night. No-one is anything. This is the very worst hour of the day. Vitality. Dull, gloomy: hate this hour. Feel as if I had been eaten and spewed. Provost's house. The reverend Dr Salmon: tinned salmon. Well tinned in there. Like a mortuary chapel. Wouldn't live in it if they paid me. Hope they have liver and bacon today. Nature abhors a vacuum. The sun freed itself slowly and lit glints of light among the silverware opposite in Walter Sexton's window by which John Howard Parnell passed, unseeing. There he is: the brother. Image of him. Haunting face. Now that's a coincidence. Course hundreds of times you think of a person and don't meet him. Like a man walking in his sleep. No-one knows him. Must be a corporation meeting today. They say he never put on the city marshal's uniform since he got the job. Charley Kavanagh used to come out on his high horse, cocked hat, puffed, powdered and shaved. Look at the woebegone walk of him. Eaten a bad egg. Poached eyes on ghost. I have a pain. Great man's brother: his brother's brother. He'd look nice on the city charger. Drop into the D.B.C. probably for his coffee, play chess there. His brother used men as pawns. Let them all go to pot. Afraid to pass a remark on him. Freeze them up with that eye of his. That's the fascination: the name. All a bit touched. Mad Fanny and his other sister Mrs Dickinson driving about with scarlet harness. Bolt upright lik surgeon M'Ardle. Still David Sheehy beat him for south Meath. Apply for the Chiltern Hundreds and retire into public life. The patriot's banquet. Eating orangepeels in the park. Simon Dedalus said when they put him in parliament that Parnell would come back from the grave and lead him out of the house of commons by the arm. —Of the twoheaded octopus, one of whose heads is the head upon which the ends of the world have forgotten to come while the other speaks with a Scotch accent. The tentacles... They passed from behind Mr Bloom along the curbstone. Beard and bicycle. Young woman. And there he is too. Now that's really a coincidence: second time. Coming events cast their shadows before. With the approval of the eminent poet, Mr Geo. Russell. That might be Lizzie Twigg with him. A. E.: what does that mean? Initials perhaps. Albert Edward, Arthur Edmund, Alphonsus Eb Ed El Esquire. What was he saying? The ends of the world with a Scotch accent. Tentacles: octopus. Something occult: symbolism. Holding forth. She's taking it all in. Not saying a word. To aid gentleman in literary work. His eyes followed the high figure in homespun, beard and bicycle, a listening woman at his side. Coming from the vegetarian. Only weggebobbles and fruit. Don't eat a beefsteak. If you do the eyes of that cow will pursue you through all eternity. They say it's healthier. Windandwatery though. Tried it. Keep you on the run all day. Bad as a bloater. Dreams all night. Why do they call that thing they gave me nutsteak? Nutarians. Fruitarians. To give you the idea you are eating rumpsteak. Absurd. Salty too. They cook in soda. Keep you sitting by the tap all night. Her stockings are loose over her ankles. I detest that: so tasteless. Those literary etherial people they are all. Dreamy, cloudy, symbolistic. Esthetes they are. I wouldn't be surprised if it was that kind of food you see produces the like waves of the brain the poetical. For example one of those policemen sweating Irish stew into their shirts you couldn't squeeze a line of poetry out of him. Don't know what poetry is even. Must be in a certain mood. He crossed at Nassau street corner and stood before the window of Yeates and Son, pricing the fieldglasses. Or will I drop into old Harris's and have a chat with young Sinclair? Wellmannered fellow. Probably at his lunch. Must get those old glasses of mine set right. Goerz lenses six guineas. Germans making their way everywhere. Sell on easy terms to capture trade. Undercutting. Might chance on a pair in the railway lost property office. Astonishing the things people leave behind them in trains and cloakrooms. What do they be thinking about? Women too. Incredible. Last year travelling to Ennis had to pick up that farmer's daughter's ba and hand it to her at Limerick junction. Unclaimed money too. There's a little watch up there on the roof of the bank to test those glasses by. His lids came down on the lower rims of his irides. Can't see it. If you imagine it's there you can almost see it. Can't see it. He faced about and, standing between the awnings, held out his right hand at arm's length towards the sun. Wanted to try that often. Yes: completely. The tip of his little finger blotted out the sun's disk. Must be the focus where the rays cross. If I had black glasses. Interesting. There was a lot of talk about those sunspots when we were in Lombard street west. Looking up from the back garden. Terrific explosions they are. There will be a total eclipse this year: autumn some time. Now that I come to think of it that ball falls at Greenwich time. It's the clock is worked by an electric wire from Dunsink. Must go out there some first Saturday of the month. If I could get an introduction to professor Joly or learn up something about his family. That would do to: man always feels complimented. Flattery where least expected. Nobleman proud to be descended from some king's mistress. His foremother. Lay it on with a trowel. Cap in hand goes through the land. Not go in and blurt out what you know you're not to: what's parallax? Show this gentleman the door. Ah. His hand fell to his side again. Never know anything about it. Waste of time. Gasballs spinning about, crossing each other, passing. Same old dingdong always. Gas: then solid: then world: then cold: then dead shell drifting around, frozen rock, like that pineapple rock. The moon. Must be a new moon out, she said. I believe there is. He went on by la maison Claire. Wait. The full moon was the night we were Sunday fortnight exactly there is a new moon. Walking down by the Tolka. Not bad for a Fairview moon. She was humming. The young May moon she's beaming, love. He other side of her. Elbow, arm. He. Glowworm's la-amp is gleaming, love. Touch. Fingers. Asking. Answer. Yes. Stop. Stop. If it was it was. Must. Mr Bloom, quickbreathing, slowlier walking passed Adam court. With a keep quiet relief his eyes took note this is the street here middle of the day of Bob Doran's bottle shoulders. On his annual bend, M Coy said. They drink in order to say or do something or cherchez la femme . Up in the Coombe with chummies and streetwalkers and then the rest of the year sober as a judge. Yes. Thought so. Sloping into the Empire. Gone. Plain soda would do him good. Where Pat Kinsella had his Harp theatre before Whitbred ran the Queen's. Broth of a boy. Dion Boucicault business with his harvestmoon face in a poky bonnet. Three Purty Maids from School. How time flies, eh? Showing long red pantaloons under his skirts. Drinkers, drinking, laughed spluttering, their drink against their breath. More power, Pat. Coarse red: fun for drunkards: guffaw and smoke. Take off that white hat. His parboiled eyes. Where is he now? Beggar somewhere. The harp that once did starve us all. I was happier then. Or was that I? Or am I now I? Twentyeight I was. She twentythree. When we left Lombard street west something changed. Could never like it again after Rudy. Can't bring back time. Like holding water in your hand. Would you go back to then? Just beginning then. Would you? Are you not happy in your home you poor little naughty boy? Wants to sew on buttons for me. I must answer. Write it in the library. Grafton street gay with housed awnings lured his senses. Muslin prints, silkdames and dowagers, jingle of harnesses, hoofthuds lowringing in the baking causeway. Thick feet that woman has in the white stockings. Hope the rain mucks them up on her. Countrybred chawbacon. All the beef to the heels were in. Always gives a woman clumsy feet. Molly looks out of plumb. He passed, dallying, the windows of Brown Thomas, silk mercers. Cascades of ribbons. Flimsy China silks. A tilted urn poured from its mouth a flood of bloodhued poplin: lustrous blood. The huguenots brought that here. La causa è santa ! Tara tara. Great chorus that. Taree tara. Must be washed in rainwater. Meyerbeer. Tara: bom bom bom. Pincushions. I'm a long time threatening to buy one. Sticking them all over the place. Needles in window curtains. He bared slightly his left forearm. Scrape: nearly gone. Not today anyhow. Must go back for that lotion. For her birthday perhaps. Junejulyaugseptember eighth. Nearly three months off. Then she mightn't like it. Women won't pick up pins. Say it cuts lo. Gleaming silks, petticoats on slim brass rails, rays of flat silk stockings. Useless to go back. Had to be. Tell me all. High voices. Sunwarm silk. Jingling harnesses. All for a woman, home and houses, silkwebs, silver, rich fruits spicy from Jaffa. Agendath Netaim. Wealth of the world. A warm human plumpness settled down on his brain. His brain yielded. Perfume of embraces all him assailed. With hungered flesh obscurely, he mutely craved to adore. Duke street. Here we are. Must eat. The Burton. Feel better then. He turned Combridge's corner, still pursued. Jingling, hoofthuds. Perfumed bodies, warm, full. All kissed, yielded: in deep summer fields, tangled pressed grass, in trickling hallways of tenements, along sofas, creaking beds. —Jack, love! —Darling! —Kiss me, Reggy! —My boy! —Love! His heart astir he pushed in the door of the Burton restaurant. Stink gripped his trembling breath: pungent meatjuice, slush of greens. See the animals feed. Men, men, men. Perched on high stools by the bar, hats shoved back, at the tables calling for more bread no charge, swilling, wolfing gobfuls of sloppy food, their eyes bulging, wiping wetted moustaches. A pallid suetfaced young man polished his tumbler knife fork and spoon with his napkin. New set of microbes. A man with an infant's saucestained napkin tucked round him shovelled gurgling soup down his gullet. A man spitting back on his plate: halfmasticated gristle: gums: no teeth to chewchewchew it. Chump chop from the grill. Bolting to get it over. Sad booser's eyes. Bitten off more than he can chew. Am I like that? See ourselves as others see us. Hungry man is an angry man. Working tooth and jaw. Don't! O! A bone! That last pagan king of Ireland Cormac in the schoolpoem choked himself at Sletty southward of the Boyne. Wonder what he was eating. Something galoptious. Saint Patrick converted him to Christianity. Couldn't swallow it all however. —Roast beef and cabbage. —One stew. Smells of men. His gorge rose. Spaton sawdust, sweetish warmish cigarette smoke, reek of plug, spilt beer, men's beery piss, the stale of ferment. Couldn't eat a morsel here. Fellow sharpening knife and fork to eat all before him, old chap picking his tootles. Slight spasm, full, chewing the cud. Before and after. Grace after meals. Look on this picture then on that. Scoffing up stewgravy with sopping sippets of bread. Lick it off the plate, man! Get out of this. He gazed round the stooled and tabled eaters, tightening the wings of his nose. —Two stouts here. —One corned and cabbage. That fellow ramming a knifeful of cabbage down as if his life depended on it. Good stroke. Give me the fidgets to look. Safer to eat from his three hands. Tear it limb from limb. Second nature to him. Born with a silver knife in his mouth. That's witty, I think. Or no. Silver means born rich. Born with a knife. But then the allusion is lost. An illgirt server gathered sticky clattering plates. Rock, the head bailiff, standing at the bar blew the foamy crown from his tankard. Well up: it splashed yellow near his boot. A diner, knife and fork upright, elbows on table, ready for a second helping stared towards the foodlift across his stained square of newspaper. Other chap telling him something with his mouth full. Sympathetic listener. Table talk. I munched hum un thu Unchster Bunk un Munchday. Ha? Did you, faith? Mr Bloom raised two fingers doubtfully to his lips. His eyes said: —Not here. Don't see him. Out. I hate dirty eaters. He backed towards the door. Get a light snack in Davy Byrne's. Stopgap. Keep me going. Had a good breakfast. —Roast and mashed here. —Pint of stout. Every fellow for his own, tooth and nail. Gulp. Grub. Gulp. Gobstuff. He came out into clearer air and turned back towards Grafton street. Eat or be eaten. Kill! Kill! Suppose that communal kitchen years to come perhaps. All trotting down with porringers and tommycans to be filled. Devour contents in the street. John Howard Parnell example the provost of Trinity every mother's son don't talk of your provosts and provost of Trinity women and children cabmen priests parsons fieldmarshals archbishops. From Ailesbury road, Clyde road, artisans' dwellings, north Dublin union, lord mayor in his gingerbread coach, old queen in a bathchair. My plate's empty. After you with our incorporated drinkingcup. Like sir Philip Crampton's fountain. Rub off the microbes with your handkerchief. Next chap rubs on a new batch with his. Father O'Flynn would make hares of them all. Have rows all the same. All for number one. Children fighting for the scrapings of the pot. Want a souppot as big as the Phoenix park. Harpooning flitches and hindquarters out of it. Hate people all round you. City Arms hotel table d'hôte she called it. Soup, joint and sweet. Never know whose thoughts you're chewing. Then who'd wash up all the plates and forks? Might be all feeding on tabloids that time. Teeth getting worse and worse. After all there's a lot in that vegetarian fine flavour of things from the earth garlic of course it stinks after Italian organgrinders crisp of onions mushrooms truffles. Pain to the animal too. Pluck and draw fowl. Wretched brutes there at the cattlemarket waiting for the poleaxe to split their skulls open. Moo. Poor trembling calves. Meh. Staggering bob. Bubble and squeak. Butchers' buckets wobbly lights. Give us that brisket off the hook. Plup. Rawhead and bloody bones. Flayed glasseyed sheep hung from their haunches, sheepsnouts bloodypapered snivelling nosejam on sawdust. Top and lashers going out. Don't maul them pieces, young one. Hot fresh blood they prescribe for decline. Blood always needed. Insidious. Lick it up smokinghot, thick sugary. Famished ghosts. Ah, I'm hungry. He entered Davy Byrne's. Moral pub. He doesn't chat. Stands a drink now and then. But in leapyear once in four. Cashed a cheque for me once. What will I take now? He drew his watch. Let me see now. Shandygaff? —Hello, Bloom, Nosey Flynn said from his nook. —Hello, Flynn. —How's things? —Tiptop... Let me see. I'll take a glass of burgundy and... let me see. Sardines on the shelves. Almost taste them by looking. Sandwich? Ham and his descendants musterred and bred there. Potted meats. What is home without Plumtree's potted meat? Incomplete. What a stupid ad! Under the obituary notices they stuck it. All up a plumtree. Dignam's potted meat. Cannibals would with lemon and rice. White missionary too salty. Like pickled pork. Expect the chief consumes the parts of honour. Ought to be tough from exercise. His wives in a row to watch the effect. There was a right royal old nigger. Who ate or something the somethings of the reverend Mr MacTrigger . With it an abode of bliss. Lord knows what concoction. Cauls mouldy tripes windpipes faked and minced up. Puzzle find the meat. Kosher. No meat and milk together. Hygiene that was what they call now. Yom Kippur fast spring cleaning of inside. Peace and war depend on some fellow's digestion. Religions. Christmas turkeys and geese. Slaughter of innocents. Eat drink and be merry. Then casual wards full after. Heads bandaged. Cheese digests all but itself. Mity cheese. —Have you a cheese sandwich? —Yes, sir. Like a few olives too if they had them. Italian I prefer. Good glass of burgundy take away that. Lubricate. A nice salad, cool as a cucumber, Tom Kernan can dress. Puts gusto into it. Pure olive oil. Milly served me that cutlet with a sprig of parsley. Take one Spanish onion. God made food, the devil the cooks. Devilled crab. —Wife well? —Quite well, thanks... A cheese sandwich, then. Gorgonzola, have you? —Yes, sir. Nosey Flynn sipped his grog. —Doing any singing those times? Look at his mouth. Could whistle in his own ear. Flap ears to match. Music. Knows as much about it as my coachman. Still better tell him. Does no harm. Free ad. —She's engaged for a big tour end of this month. You may have heard perhaps. —No. O, that's the style. Who's getting it up? The curate served. —How much is that? —Seven d., sir... Thank you, sir. Mr Bloom cut his sandwich into slender strips. Mr MacTrigger . Easier than the dreamy creamy stuff. His five hundred wives. Had the time of their lives. —Mustard, sir? —Thank you. He studded under each lifted strip yellow blobs. Their lives . I have it. It grew bigger and bigger and bigger . —Getting it up? he said. Well, it's like a company idea, you see. Part shares and part profits. —Ay, now I remember, Nosey Flynn said, putting his hand in his pocket to scratch his groin. Who is this was telling me? Isn't Blazes Boylan mixed up in it? A warm shock of air heat of mustard hanched on Mr Bloom's heart. He raised his eyes and met the stare of a bilious clock. Two. Pub clock five minutes fast. Time going on. Hands moving. Two. Not yet. His midriff yearned then upward, sank within him, yearned more longly, longingly. Wine. He smellsipped the cordial juice and, bidding his throat strongly to speed it, set his wineglass delicately down. —Yes, he said. He's the organiser in point of fact. No fear: no brains. Nosey Flynn snuffled and scratched. Flea having a good square meal. —He had a good slice of luck, Jack Mooney was telling me, over that boxingmatch Myler Keogh won again that soldier in the Portobello barracks. By God, he had the little kipper down in the county Carlow he was telling me... Hope that dewdrop doesn't come down into his glass. No, snuffled it up. —For near a month, man, before it came off. Sucking duck eggs by God till further orders. Keep him off the boose, see? O, by God, Blazes is a hairy chap. Davy Byrne came forward from the hindbar in tuckstitched shirtsleeves, cleaning his lips with two wipes of his napkin. Herring's blush. Whose smile upon each feature plays with such and such replete. Too much fat on the parsnips. —And here's himself and pepper on him, Nosey Flynn said. Can you give us a good one for the Gold cup? —I'm off that, Mr Flynn, Davy Byrne answered. I never put anything on a horse. —You're right there, Nosey Flynn said. Mr Bloom ate his strips of sandwich, fresh clean bread, with relish of disgust pungent mustard, the feety savour of green cheese. Sips of his wine soothed his palate. Not logwood that. Tastes fuller this weather with the chill off. Nice quiet bar. Nice piece of wood in that counter. Nicely planed. Like the way it curves there. —I wouldn't do anything at all in that line, Davy Byrne said. It ruined many a man, the same horses. Vintners' sweepstake. Licensed for the sale of beer, wine and spirits for consumption on the premises. Heads I win tails you lose. —True for you, Nosey Flynn said. Unless you're in the know. There's no straight sport going now. Lenehan gets some good ones. He's giving Sceptre today. Zinfandel's the favourite, lord Howard de Walden's, won at Epsom. Morny Cannon is riding him. I could have got seven to one against Saint Amant a fortnight before. —That so? Davy Byrne said... He went towards the window and, taking up the pettycash book, scanned its pages. —I could, faith, Nosey Flynn said, snuffling. That was a rare bit of horseflesh. Saint Frusquin was her sire. She won in a thunderstorm, Rothschild's filly, with wadding in her ears. Blue jacket and yellow cap. Bad luck to big Ben Dollard and his John O'Gaunt. He put me off it. Ay. He drank resignedly from his tumbler, running his fingers down the flutes. —Ay, he said, sighing. Mr Bloom, champing, standing, looked upon his sigh. Nosey numbskull. Will I tell him that horse Lenehan? He knows already. Better let him forget. Go and lose more. Fool and his money. Dewdrop coming down again. Cold nose he'd have kissing a woman. Still they might like. Prickly beards they like. Dogs' cold noses. Old Mrs Riordan with the rumbling stomach's Skye terrier in the City Arms hotel. Molly fondling him in her lap. O, the big doggybowwowsywowsy! Wine soaked and softened rolled pith of bread mustard a moment mawkish cheese. Nice wine it is. Taste it better because I'm not thirsty. Bath of course does that. Just a bite or two. Then about six o'clock I can. Six. Six. Time will be gone then. She... Mild fire of wine kindled his veins. I wanted that badly. Felt so off colour. His eyes unhungrily saw shelves of tins: sardines, gaudy lobsters' claws. All the odd things people pick up for food. Out of shells, periwinkles with a pin, off trees, snails out of the ground the French eat, out of the sea with bait on a hook. Silly fish learn nothing in a thousand years. If you didn't know risky putting anything into your mouth. Poisonous berries. Johnny Magories. Roundness you think good. Gaudy colour warns you off. One fellow told another and so on. Try it on the dog first. Led on by the smell or the look. Tempting fruit. Ice cones. Cream. Instinct. Orangegroves for instance. Need artificial irrigation. Bleibtreustrasse. Yes but what about oysters. Unsightly like a clot of phlegm. Filthy shells. Devil to open them too. Who found them out? Garbage, sewage they feed on. Fizz and Red bank oysters. Effect on the sexual. Aphrodis. He was in the Red Bank this morning. Was he oysters old fish at table perhaps he young flesh in bed no June has no ar no oysters. But there are people like things high. Tainted game. Jugged hare. First catch your hare. Chinese eating eggs fifty years old, blue and green again. Dinner of thirty courses. Each dish harmless might mix inside. Idea for a poison mystery. That archduke Leopold was it no yes or was it Otto one of those Habsburgs? Or who was it used to eat the scruff off his own head? Cheapest lunch in town. Of course aristocrats, then the others copy to be in the fashion. Milly too rock oil and flour. Raw pastry I like myself. Half the catch of oysters they throw back in the sea to keep up the price. Cheap no-one would buy. Caviare. Do the grand. Hock in green glasses. Swell blowout. Lady this. Powdered bosom pearls. The élite. Crème de la crème . They want special dishes to pretend they're. Hermit with a platter of pulse keep down the stings of the flesh. Know me come eat with me. Royal sturgeon high sheriff, Coffey, the butcher, right to venisons of the forest from his ex. Send him back the half of a cow. Spread I saw down in the Master of the Rolls' kitchen area. Whitehatted chef like a rabbi. Combustible duck. Curly cabbage à la duchesse de Parme . Just as well to write it on the bill of fare so you can know what you've eaten. Too many drugs spoil the broth. I know it myself. Dosing it with Edwards' desiccated soup. Geese stuffed silly for them. Lobsters boiled alive. Do ptake some ptarmigan. Wouldn't mind being a waiter in a swell hotel. Tips, evening dress, halfnaked ladies. May I tempt you to a little more filleted lemon sole, miss Dubedat? Yes, do bedad. And she did bedad. Huguenot name I expect that. A miss Dubedat lived in Killiney, I remember. Du, de la French. Still it's the same fish perhaps old Micky Hanlon of Moore street ripped the guts out of making money hand over fist finger in fishes' gills can't write his name on a cheque think he was painting the landscape with his mouth twisted. Moooikill A Aitcha Ha ignorant as a kish of brogues, worth fifty thousand pounds. Stuck on the pane two flies buzzed, stuck. Glowing wine on his palate lingered swallowed. Crushing in the winepress grapes of Burgundy. Sun's heat it is. Seems to a secret touch telling me memory. Touched his sense moistened remembered. Hidden under wild ferns on Howth below us bay sleeping: sky. No sound. The sky. The bay purple by the Lion's head. Green by Drumleck. Yellowgreen towards Sutton. Fields of undersea, the lines faint brown in grass, buried cities. Pillowed on my coat she had her hair, earwigs in the heather scrub my hand under her nape, you'll toss me all. O wonder! Coolsoft with ointments her hand touched me, caressed: her eyes upon me did not turn away. Ravished over her I lay, full lips full open, kissed her mouth. Yum. Softly she gave me in my mouth the seedcake warm and chewed. Mawkish pulp her mouth had mumbled sweetsour of her spittle. Joy: I ate it: joy. Young life, her lips that gave me pouting. Soft warm sticky gumjelly lips. Flowers her eyes were, take me, willing eyes. Pebbles fell. She lay still. A goat. No-one. High on Ben Howth rhododendrons a nannygoat walking surefooted, dropping currants. Screened under ferns she laughed warmfolded. Wildly I lay on her, kissed her: eyes, her lips, her stretched neck beating, woman's breasts full in her blouse of nun's veiling, fat nipples upright. Hot I tongued her. She kissed me. I was kissed. All yielding she tossed my hair. Kissed, she kissed me. Me. And me now. Stuck, the flies buzzed. His downcast eyes followed the silent veining of the oaken slab. Beauty: it curves: curves are beauty. Shapely goddesses, Venus, Juno: curves the world admires. Can see them library museum standing in the round hall, naked goddesses. Aids to digestion. They don't care what man looks. All to see. Never speaking. I mean to say to fellows like Flynn. Suppose she did Pygmalion and Galatea what would she say first? Mortal! Put you in your proper place. Quaffing nectar at mess with gods golden dishes, all ambrosial. Not like a tanner lunch we have, boiled mutton, carrots and turnips, bottle of Allsop. Nectar imagine it drinking electricity: gods' food. Lovely forms of women sculped Junonian. Immortal lovely. And we stuffing food in one hole and out behind: food, chyle, blood, dung, earth, food: have to feed it like stoking an engine. They have no. Never looked. I'll look today. Keeper won't see. Bend down let something drop see if she. Dribbling a quiet message from his bladder came to go to do not to do there to do. A man and ready he drained his glass to the lees and walked, to men too they gave themselves, manly conscious, lay with men lovers, a youth enjoyed her, to the yard. When the sound of his boots had ceased Davy Byrne said from his book: —What is this he is? Isn't he in the insurance line? —He's out of that long ago, Nosey Flynn said. He does canvassing for the Freeman. —I know him well to see, Davy Byrne said. Is he in trouble? —Trouble? Nosey Flynn said. Not that I heard of. Why? —I noticed he was in mourning. —Was he? Nosey Flynn said. So he was, faith. I asked him how was all at home. You're right, by God. So he was. —I never broach the subject, Davy Byrne said humanely, if I see a gentleman is in trouble that way. It only brings it up fresh in their minds. —It's not the wife anyhow, Nosey Flynn said. I met him the day before yesterday and he coming out of that Irish farm dairy John Wyse Nolan's wife has in Henry street with a jar of cream in his hand taking it home to his better half. She's well nourished, I tell you. Plovers on toast. —And is he doing for the Freeman? Davy Byrne said. Nosey Flynn pursed his lips. —-He doesn't buy cream on the ads he picks up. You can make bacon of that. —How so? Davy Byrne asked, coming from his book. Nosey Flynn made swift passes in the air with juggling fingers. He winked. —He's in the craft, he said. —-Do you tell me so? Davy Byrne said. —Very much so, Nosey Flynn said. Ancient free and accepted order. He's an excellent brother. Light, life and love, by God. They give him a leg up. I was told that by a—well, I won't say who. —Is that a fact? —O, it's a fine order, Nosey Flynn said. They stick to you when you're down. I know a fellow was trying to get into it. But they're as close as damn it. By God they did right to keep the women out of it. Davy Byrne smiledyawnednodded all in one: —Iiiiiichaaaaaaach! —There was one woman, Nosey Flynn said, hid herself in a clock to find out what they do be doing. But be damned but they smelt her out and swore her in on the spot a master mason. That was one of the saint Legers of Doneraile. Davy Byrne, sated after his yawn, said with tearwashed eyes: —And is that a fact? Decent quiet man he is. I often saw him in here and I never once saw him—you know, over the line. —God Almighty couldn't make him drunk, Nosey Flynn said firmly. Slips off when the fun gets too hot. Didn't you see him look at his watch? Ah, you weren't there. If you ask him to have a drink first thing he does he outs with the watch to see what he ought to imbibe. Declare to God he does. —There are some like that, Davy Byrne said. He's a safe man, I'd say. —He's not too bad, Nosey Flynn said, snuffling it up. He's been known to put his hand down too to help a fellow. Give the devil his due. O, Bloom has his good points. But there's one thing he'll never do. His hand scrawled a dry pen signature beside his grog. —I know, Davy Byrne said. —Nothing in black and white, Nosey Flynn said. Paddy Leonard and Bantam Lyons came in. Tom Rochford followed frowning, a plaining hand on his claret waistcoat. —Day, Mr Byrne. —Day, gentlemen. They paused at the counter. —Who's standing? Paddy Leonard asked. —I'm sitting anyhow, Nosey Flynn answered. —Well, what'll it be? Paddy Leonard asked. —I'll take a stone ginger, Bantam Lyons said. —How much? Paddy Leonard cried. Since when, for God' sake? What's yours, Tom? —How is the main drainage? Nosey Flynn asked, sipping. For answer Tom Rochford pressed his hand to his breastbone and hiccupped. —Would I trouble you for a glass of fresh water, Mr Byrne? he said. —Certainly, sir. Paddy Leonard eyed his alemates. —Lord love a duck, he said. Look at what I'm standing drinks to! Cold water and gingerpop! Two fellows that would suck whisky off a sore leg. He has some bloody horse up his sleeve for the Gold cup. A dead snip. —Zinfandel is it? Nosey Flynn asked. Tom Rochford spilt powder from a twisted paper into the water set before him. —That cursed dyspepsia, he said before drinking. —Breadsoda is very good, Davy Byrne said. Tom Rochford nodded and drank. —Is it Zinfandel? —Say nothing! Bantam Lyons winked. I'm going to plunge five bob on my own. —Tell us if you're worth your salt and be damned to you, Paddy Leonard said. Who gave it to you? Mr Bloom on his way out raised three fingers in greeting. —So long! Nosey Flynn said. The others turned. —That's the man now that gave it to me, Bantam Lyons whispered. —Prrwht! Paddy Leonard said with scorn. Mr Byrne, sir, we'll take two of your small Jamesons after that and a... —Stone ginger, Davy Byrne added civilly. —Ay, Paddy Leonard said. A suckingbottle for the baby. Mr Bloom walked towards Dawson street, his tongue brushing his teeth smooth. Something green it would have to be: spinach, say. Then with those Rontgen rays searchlight you could. At Duke lane a ravenous terrier choked up a sick knuckly cud on the cobblestones and lapped it with new zest. Surfeit. Returned with thanks having fully digested the contents. First sweet then savoury. Mr Bloom coasted warily. Ruminants. His second course. Their upper jaw they move. Wonder if Tom Rochford will do anything with that invention of his? Wasting time explaining it to Flynn's mouth. Lean people long mouths. Ought to be a hall or a place where inventors could go in and invent free. Course then you'd have all the cranks pestering. He hummed, prolonging in solemn echo the closes of the bars: Don Giovanni, a cenar teco M'invitasti. Feel better. Burgundy. Good pick me up. Who distilled first? Some chap in the blues. Dutch courage. That Kilkenny People in the national library now I must. Bare clean closestools waiting in the window of William Miller, plumber, turned back his thoughts. They could: and watch it all the way down, swallow a pin sometimes come out of the ribs years after, tour round the body changing biliary duct spleen squirting liver gastric juice coils of intestines like pipes. But the poor buffer would have to stand all the time with his insides entrails on show. Science. — A cenar teco. What does that teco mean? Tonight perhaps. Doesn't go properly. Keyes: two months if I get Nannetti to. That'll be two pounds ten about two pounds eight. Three Hynes owes me. Two eleven. Prescott's dyeworks van over there. If I get Billy Prescott's ad: two fifteen. Five guineas about. On the pig's back. Could buy one of those silk petticoats for Molly, colour of her new garters. Today. Today. Not think. Tour the south then. What about English wateringplaces? Brighton, Margate. Piers by moonlight. Her voice floating out. Those lovely seaside girls. Against John Long's a drowsing loafer lounged in heavy thought, gnawing a crusted knuckle. Handy man wants job. Small wages. Will eat anything. Mr Bloom turned at Gray's confectioner's window of unbought tarts and passed the reverend Thomas Connellan's bookstore. Why I left the church of Rome? Birds' Nest. Women run him. They say they used to give pauper children soup to change to protestants in the time of the potato blight. Society over the way papa went to for the conversion of poor jews. Same bait. Why we left the church of Rome. A blind stripling stood tapping the curbstone with his slender cane. No tram in sight. Wants to cross. —Do you want to cross? Mr Bloom asked. The blind stripling did not answer. His wallface frowned weakly. He moved his head uncertainly. —You're in Dawson street, Mr Bloom said. Molesworth street is opposite. Do you want to cross? There's nothing in the way. The cane moved out trembling to the left. Mr Bloom's eye followed its line and saw again the dyeworks' van drawn up before Drago's. Where I saw his brillantined hair just when I was. Horse drooping. Driver in John Long's. Slaking his drouth. —There's a van there, Mr Bloom said, but it's not moving. I'll see you across. Do you want to go to Molesworth street? —Yes, the stripling answered. South Frederick street. —Come, Mr Bloom said. He touched the thin elbow gently: then took the limp seeing hand to guide it forward. Say something to him. Better not do the condescending. They mistrust what you tell them. Pass a common remark. —The rain kept off. No answer. Stains on his coat. Slobbers his food, I suppose. Tastes all different for him. Have to be spoonfed first. Like a child's hand, his hand. Like Milly's was. Sensitive. Sizing me up I daresay from my hand. Wonder if he has a name. Van. Keep his cane clear of the horse's legs: tired drudge get his doze. That's right. Clear. Behind a bull: in front of a horse. —Thanks, sir. Knows I'm a man. Voice. —Right now? First turn to the left. The blind stripling tapped the curbstone and went on his way, drawing his cane back, feeling again. Mr Bloom walked behind the eyeless feet, a flatcut suit of herringbone tweed. Poor young fellow! How on earth did he know that van was there? Must have felt it. See things in their forehead perhaps: kind of sense of volume. Weight or size of it, something blacker than the dark. Wonder would he feel it if something was removed. Feel a gap. Queer idea of Dublin he must have, tapping his way round by the stones. Could he walk in a beeline if he hadn't that cane? Bloodless pious face like a fellow going in to be a priest. Penrose! That was that chap's name. Look at all the things they can learn to do. Read with their fingers. Tune pianos. Or we are surprised they have any brains. Why we think a deformed person or a hunchback clever if he says something we might say. Of course the other senses are more. Embroider. Plait baskets. People ought to help. Workbasket I could buy for Molly's birthday. Hates sewing. Might take an objection. Dark men they call them. Sense of smell must be stronger too. Smells on all sides, bunched together. Each street different smell. Each person too. Then the spring, the summer: smells. Tastes? They say you can't taste wines with your eyes shut or a cold in the head. Also smoke in the dark they say get no pleasure. And with a woman, for instance. More shameless not seeing. That girl passing the Stewart institution, head in the air. Look at me. I have them all on. Must be strange not to see her. Kind of a form in his mind's eye. The voice, temperatures: when he touches her with his fingers must almost see the lines, the curves. His hands on her hair, for instance. Say it was black, for instance. Good. We call it black. Then passing over her white skin. Different feel perhaps. Feeling of white. Postoffice. Must answer. Fag today. Send her a postal order two shillings, half a crown. Accept my little present. Stationer's just here too. Wait. Think over it. With a gentle finger he felt ever so slowly the hair combed back above his ears. Again. Fibres of fine fine straw. Then gently his finger felt the skin of his right cheek. Downy hair there too. Not smooth enough. The belly is the smoothest. No-one about. There he goes into Frederick street. Perhaps to Levenston's dancing academy piano. Might be settling my braces. Walking by Doran's publichouse he slid his hand between his waistcoat and trousers and, pulling aside his shirt gently, felt a slack fold of his belly. But I know it's whitey yellow. Want to try in the dark to see. He withdrew his hand and pulled his dress to. Poor fellow! Quite a boy. Terrible. Really terrible. What dreams would he have, not seeing? Life a dream for him. Where is the justice being born that way? All those women and children excursion beanfeast burned and drowned in New York. Holocaust. Karma they call that transmigration for sins you did in a past life the reincarnation met him pike hoses. Dear, dear, dear. Pity, of course: but somehow you can't cotton on to them someway. Sir Frederick Falkiner going into the freemasons' hall. Solemn as Troy. After his good lunch in Earlsfort terrace. Old legal cronies cracking a magnum. Tales of the bench and assizes and annals of the bluecoat school. I sentenced him to ten years. I suppose he'd turn up his nose at that stuff I drank. Vintage wine for them, the year marked on a dusty bottle. Has his own ideas of justice in the recorder's court. Wellmeaning old man. Police chargesheets crammed with cases get their percentage manufacturing crime. Sends them to the rightabout. The devil on moneylenders. Gave Reuben J. a great strawcalling. Now he's really what they call a dirty jew. Power those judges have. Crusty old topers in wigs. Bear with a sore paw. And may the Lord have mercy on your soul. Hello, placard. Mirus bazaar. His Excellency the lord lieutenant. Sixteenth. Today it is. In aid of funds for Mercer's hospital. The Messiah was first given for that. Yes. Handel. What about going out there: Ballsbridge. Drop in on Keyes. No use sticking to him like a leech. Wear out my welcome. Sure to know someone on the gate. Mr Bloom came to Kildare street. First I must. Library. Straw hat in sunlight. Tan shoes. Turnedup trousers. It is. It is. His heart quopped softly. To the right. Museum. Goddesses. He swerved to the right. Is it? Almost certain. Won't look. Wine in my face. Why did I? Too heady. Yes, it is. The walk. Not see. Get on. Making for the museum gate with long windy steps he lifted his eyes. Handsome building. Sir Thomas Deane designed. Not following me? Didn't see me perhaps. Light in his eyes. The flutter of his breath came forth in short sighs. Quick. Cold statues: quiet there. Safe in a minute. No. Didn't see me. After two. Just at the gate. My heart! His eyes beating looked steadfastly at cream curves of stone. Sir Thomas Deane was the Greek architecture. Look for something I. His hasty hand went quick into a pocket, took out, read unfolded Agendath Netaim. Where did I? Busy looking. He thrust back quick Agendath. Afternoon she said. I am looking for that. Yes, that. Try all pockets. Handker. Freeman. Where did I? Ah, yes. Trousers. Potato. Purse. Where? Hurry. Walk quietly. Moment more. My heart. His hand looking for the where did I put found in his hip pocket soap lotion have to call tepid paper stuck. Ah soap there I yes. Gate. Safe! Urbane, to comfort them, the quaker librarian purred: —And we have, have we not, those priceless pages of Wilhelm Meister . A great poet on a great brother poet. A hesitating soul taking arms against a sea of troubles, torn by conflicting doubts, as one sees in real life. He came a step a sinkapace forward on neatsleather creaking and a step backward a sinkapace on the solemn floor. A noiseless attendant setting open the door but slightly made him a noiseless beck. —Directly, said he, creaking to go, albeit lingering. The beautiful ineffectual dreamer who comes to grief against hard facts. One always feels that Goethe's judgments are so true. True in the larger analysis. Twicreakingly analysis he corantoed off. Bald, most zealous by the door he gave his large ear all to the attendant's words: heard them: and was gone. Two left. —Monsieur de la Palice, Stephen sneered, was alive fifteen minutes before his death. —Have you found those six brave medicals, John Eglinton asked with elder's gall, to write Paradise Lost at your dictation? The Sorrows of Satan he calls it. Smile. Smile Cranly's smile. —I feel you would need one more for Hamlet. Seven is dear to the mystic mind. The shining seven W.B. calls them. Glittereyed his rufous skull close to his greencapped desklamp sought the face bearded amid darkgreener shadow, an ollav, holyeyed. He laughed low: a sizar's laugh of Trinity: unanswered. He holds my follies hostage. Cranly's eleven true Wicklowmen to free their sireland. Gaptoothed Kathleen, her four beautiful green fields, the stranger in her house. And one more to hail him: ave, rabbi : the Tinahely twelve. In the shadow of the glen he cooees for them. My soul's youth I gave him, night by night. God speed. Good hunting. Mulligan has my telegram. Folly. Persist. —Our young Irish bards, John Eglinton censured, have yet to create a figure which the world will set beside Saxon Shakespeare's Hamlet though I admire him, as old Ben did, on this side idolatry. —All these questions are purely academic, Russell oracled out of his shadow. I mean, whether Hamlet is Shakespeare or James I or Essex. Clergymen's discussions of the historicity of Jesus. Art has to reveal to us ideas, formless spiritual essences. The supreme question about a work of art is out of how deep a life does it spring. The painting of Gustave Moreau is the painting of ideas. The deepest poetry of Shelley, the words of Hamlet bring our minds into contact with the eternal wisdom, Plato's world of ideas. All the rest is the speculation of schoolboys for schoolboys. A. E. has been telling some yankee interviewer. Wall, tarnation strike me! —The schoolmen were schoolboys first, Stephen said superpolitely. Aristotle was once Plato's schoolboy. —And has remained so, one should hope, John Eglinton sedately said. One can see him, a model schoolboy with his diploma under his arm. He laughed again at the now smiling bearded face. Formless spiritual. Father, Word and Holy Breath. Allfather, the heavenly man. Hiesos Kristos, magician of the beautiful, the Logos who suffers in us at every moment. This verily is that. I am the fire upon the altar. I am the sacrificial butter. Dunlop, Judge, the noblest Roman of them all, A.E., Arval, the Name Ineffable, in heaven hight: K.H., their master, whose identity is no secret to adepts. Brothers of the great white lodge always watching to see if they can help. The Christ with the bridesister, moisture of light, born of an ensouled virgin, repentant sophia, departed to the plane of buddhi. The life esoteric is not for ordinary person. O.P. must work off bad karma first. Mrs Cooper Oakley once glimpsed our very illustrious sister H.P.B.'s elemental. O, fie! Out on't! Pfuiteufel! You naughtn't to look, missus, so you naughtn't when a lady's ashowing of her elemental. Mr Best entered, tall, young, mild, light. He bore in his hand with grace a notebook, new, large, clean, bright. —That model schoolboy, Stephen said, would find Hamlet's musings about the afterlife of his princely soul, the improbable, insignificant and undramatic monologue, as shallow as Plato's. John Eglinton, frowning, said, waxing wroth: —Upon my word it makes my blood boil to hear anyone compare Aristotle with Plato. —Which of the two, Stephen asked, would have banished me from his commonwealth? Unsheathe your dagger definitions. Horseness is the whatness of allhorse. Streams of tendency and eons they worship. God: noise in the street: very peripatetic. Space: what you damn well have to see. Through spaces smaller than red globules of man's blood they creepycrawl after Blake's buttocks into eternity of which this vegetable world is but a shadow. Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past. Mr Best came forward, amiable, towards his colleague. —Haines is gone, he said. —Is he? —I was showing him Jubainville's book. He's quite enthusiastic, don't you know, about Hyde's Lovesongs of Connacht. I couldn't bring him in to hear the discussion. He's gone to Gill's to buy it. —The peatsmoke is going to his head, John Eglinton opined. We feel in England. Penitent thief. Gone. I smoked his baccy. Green twinkling stone. An emerald set in the ring of the sea. —People do not know how dangerous lovesongs can be, the auric egg of Russell warned occultly. The movements which work revolutions in the world are born out of the dreams and visions in a peasant's heart on the hillside. For them the earth is not an exploitable ground but the living mother. The rarefied air of the academy and the arena produce the sixshilling novel, the musichall song. France produces the finest flower of corruption in Mallarme but the desirable life is revealed only to the poor of heart, the life of Homer's Phaeacians. From these words Mr Best turned an unoffending face to Stephen. —Mallarme, don't you know, he said, has written those wonderful prose poems Stephen MacKenna used to read to me in Paris. The one about Hamlet. He says: il se promène, lisant au livre de lui-même , don't you know, reading the book of himself . He describes Hamlet given in a French town, don't you know, a provincial town. They advertised it. His free hand graciously wrote tiny signs in air. He repeated to John Eglinton's newgathered frown: — Pièce de Shakespeare , don't you know. It's so French. The French point of view. Hamlet ou ... —The absentminded beggar, Stephen ended. John Eglinton laughed. —Yes, I suppose it would be, he said. Excellent people, no doubt, but distressingly shortsighted in some matters. Sumptuous and stagnant exaggeration of murder. —A deathsman of the soul Robert Greene called him, Stephen said. Not for nothing was he a butcher's son, wielding the sledded poleaxe and spitting in his palms. Nine lives are taken off for his father's one. Our Father who art in purgatory. Khaki Hamlets don't hesitate to shoot. The bloodboltered shambles in act five is a forecast of the concentration camp sung by Mr Swinburne. Cranly, I his mute orderly, following battles from afar. Whelps and dams of murderous foes whom none But we had spared... Between the Saxon smile and yankee yawp. The devil and the deep sea. —He will have it that Hamlet is a ghoststory, John Eglinton said for Mr Best's behoof. Like the fat boy in Pickwick he wants to make our flesh creep. List! List! O List! My flesh hears him: creeping, hears. If thou didst ever... —What is a ghost? Stephen said with tingling energy. One who has faded into impalpability through death, through absence, through change of manners. Elizabethan London lay as far from Stratford as corrupt Paris lies from virgin Dublin. Who is the ghost from limbo patrum , returning to the world that has forgotten him? Who is King Hamlet? John Eglinton shifted his spare body, leaning back to judge. Lifted. —It is this hour of a day in mid June, Stephen said, begging with a swift glance their hearing. The flag is up on the playhouse by the bankside. The bear Sackerson growls in the pit near it, Paris garden. Canvasclimbers who sailed with Drake chew their sausages among the groundlings. Local colour. Work in all you know. Make them accomplices. —Shakespeare has left the huguenot's house in Silver street and walks by the swanmews along the riverbank. But he does not stay to feed the pen chivying her game of cygnets towards the rushes. The swan of Avon has other thoughts. Composition of place. Ignatius Loyola, make haste to help me! —The play begins. A player comes on under the shadow, made up in the castoff mail of a court buck, a wellset man with a bass voice. It is the ghost, the king, a king and no king, and the player is Shakespeare who has studied Hamlet all the years of his life which were not vanity in order to play the part of the spectre. He speaks the words to Burbage, the young player who stands before him beyond the rack of cerecloth, calling him by a name: Hamlet, I am thy father's spirit, bidding him list. To a son he speaks, the son of his soul, the prince, young Hamlet and to the son of his body, Hamnet Shakespeare, who has died in Stratford that his namesake may live for ever. Is it possible that that player Shakespeare, a ghost by absence, and in the vesture of buried Denmark, a ghost by death, speaking his own words to his own son's name (had Hamnet Shakespeare lived he would have been prince Hamlet's twin), is it possible, I want to know, or probable that he did not draw or foresee the logical conclusion of those premises: you are the dispossessed son: I am the murdered father: your mother is the guilty queen, Ann Shakespeare, born Hathaway? —But this prying into the family life of a great man, Russell began impatiently. Art thou there, truepenny? —Interesting only to the parish clerk. I mean, we have the plays. I mean when we read the poetry of King Lear what is it to us how the poet lived? As for living our servants can do that for us, Villiers de l'Isle has said. Peeping and prying into greenroom gossip of the day, the poet's drinking, the poet's debts. We have King Lear : and it is immortal. Mr Best's face, appealed to, agreed. Flow over them with your waves and with your waters, Mananaan, Mananaan MacLir... How now, sirrah, that pound he lent you when you were hungry? Marry, I wanted it. Take thou this noble. Go to! You spent most of it in Georgina Johnson's bed, clergyman's daughter. Agenbite of inwit. Do you intend to pay it back? O, yes. When? Now? Well... No. When, then? I paid my way. I paid my way. Steady on. He's from beyant Boyne water. The northeast corner. You owe it. Wait. Five months. Molecules all change. I am other I now. Other I got pound. Buzz. Buzz. But I, entelechy, form of forms, am I by memory because under everchanging forms. I that sinned and prayed and fasted. A child Conmee saved from pandies. I, I and I. I. —Do you mean to fly in the face of the tradition of three centuries? John Eglinton's carping voice asked. Her ghost at least has been laid for ever. She died, for literature at least, before she was born. —She died, Stephen retorted, sixtyseven years after she was born. She saw him into and out of the world. She took his first embraces. She bore his children and she laid pennies on his eyes to keep his eyelids closed when he lay on his deathbed. Mother's deathbed. Candle. The sheeted mirror. Who brought me into this world lies there, bronzelidded, under few cheap flowers. Liliata rutilantium. I wept alone. John Eglinton looked in the tangled glowworm of his lamp. —The world believes that Shakespeare made a mistake, he said, and got out of it as quickly and as best he could. —Bosh! Stephen said rudely. A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery. Portals of discovery opened to let in the quaker librarian, softcreakfooted, bald, eared and assiduous. —A shrew, John Eglinton said shrewdly, is not a useful portal of discovery, one should imagine. What useful discovery did Socrates learn from Xanthippe? —Dialectic, Stephen answered: and from his mother how to bring thoughts into the world. What he learnt from his other wife Myrto ( absit nomen! ), Socratididion's Epipsychidion, no man, not a woman, will ever know. But neither the midwife's lore nor the caudlelectures saved him from the archons of Sinn Fein and their naggin of hemlock. —But Ann Hathaway? Mr Best's quiet voice said forgetfully. Yes, we seem to be forgetting her as Shakespeare himself forgot her. His look went from brooder's beard to carper's skull, to remind, to chide them not unkindly, then to the baldpink lollard costard, guiltless though maligned. —He had a good groatsworth of wit, Stephen said, and no truant memory. He carried a memory in his wallet as he trudged to Romeville whistling The girl I left behind me. If the earthquake did not time it we should know where to place poor Wat, sitting in his form, the cry of hounds, the studded bridle and her blue windows. That memory, Venus and Adonis , lay in the bedchamber of every light-of-love in London. Is Katharine the shrew illfavoured? Hortensio calls her young and beautiful. Do you think the writer of Antony and Cleopatra , a passionate pilgrim, had his eyes in the back of his head that he chose the ugliest doxy in all Warwickshire to lie withal? Good: he left her and gained the world of men. But his boywomen are the women of a boy. Their life, thought, speech are lent them by males. He chose badly? He was chosen, it seems to me. If others have their will Ann hath a way. By cock, she was to blame. She put the comether on him, sweet and twentysix. The greyeyed goddess who bends over the boy Adonis, stooping to conquer, as prologue to the swelling act, is a boldfaced Stratford wench who tumbles in a cornfield a lover younger than herself. And my turn? When? Come! —Ryefield, Mr Best said brightly, gladly, raising his new book, gladly, brightly. He murmured then with blond delight for all: Between the acres of the rye These pretty countryfolk would lie. Paris: the wellpleased pleaser. A tall figure in bearded homespun rose from shadow and unveiled its cooperative watch. —I am afraid I am due at the Homestead. Whither away? Exploitable ground. —Are you going? John Eglinton's active eyebrows asked. Shall we see you at Moore's tonight? Piper is coming. —Piper! Mr Best piped. Is Piper back? Peter Piper pecked a peck of pick of peck of pickled pepper. —I don't know if I can. Thursday. We have our meeting. If I can get away in time. Yogibogeybox in Dawson chambers. Isis Unveiled. Their Pali book we tried to pawn. Crosslegged under an umbrel umbershoot he thrones an Aztec logos, functioning on astral levels, their oversoul, mahamahatma. The faithful hermetists await the light, ripe for chelaship, ringroundabout him. Louis H. Victory. T. Caulfield Irwin. Lotus ladies tend them i'the eyes, their pineal glands aglow. Filled with his god, he thrones, Buddh under plantain. Gulfer of souls, engulfer. Hesouls, shesouls, shoals of souls. Engulfed with wailing creecries, whirled, whirling, they bewail. —They say we are to have a literary surprise, the quaker librarian said, friendly and earnest. Mr Russell, rumour has it, is gathering together a sheaf of our younger poets' verses. We are all looking forward anxiously. Anxiously he glanced in the cone of lamplight where three faces, lighted, shone. See this. Remember. Stephen looked down on a wide headless caubeen, hung on his ashplanthandle over his knee. My casque and sword. Touch lightly with two index fingers. Aristotle's experiment. One or two? Necessity is that in virtue of which it is impossible that one can be otherwise. Argal, one hat is one hat. Listen. Young Colum and Starkey. George Roberts is doing the commercial part. Longworth will give it a good puff in the Express. O, will he? I liked Colum's Drover. Yes, I think he has that queer thing genius. Do you think he has genius really? Yeats admired his line: As in wild earth a Grecian vase . Did he? I hope you'll be able to come tonight. Malachi Mulligan is coming too. Moore asked him to bring Haines. Did you hear Miss Mitchell's joke about Moore and Martyn? That Moore is Martyn's wild oats? Awfully clever, isn't it? They remind one of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. Our national epic has yet to be written, Dr Sigerson says. Moore is the man for it. A knight of the rueful countenance here in Dublin. With a saffron kilt? O'Neill Russell? O, yes, he must speak the grand old tongue. And his Dulcinea? James Stephens is doing some clever sketches. We are becoming important, it seems. Cordelia. Cordoglio. Lir's loneliest daughter. Nookshotten. Now your best French polish. —Thank you very much, Mr Russell, Stephen said, rising. If you will be so kind as to give the letter to Mr Norman... —O, yes. If he considers it important it will go in. We have so much correspondence. —I understand, Stephen said. Thanks. God ild you. The pigs' paper. Bullockbefriending. Synge has promised me an article for Dana too. Are we going to be read? I feel we are. The Gaelic league wants something in Irish. I hope you will come round tonight. Bring Starkey. Stephen sat down. The quaker librarian came from the leavetakers. Blushing, his mask said: —Mr Dedalus, your views are most illuminating. He creaked to and fro, tiptoing up nearer heaven by the altitude of a chopine, and, covered by the noise of outgoing, said low: —Is it your view, then, that she was not faithful to the poet? Alarmed face asks me. Why did he come? Courtesy or an inward light? —Where there is a reconciliation, Stephen said, there must have been first a sundering. —Yes. Christfox in leather trews, hiding, a runaway in blighted treeforks, from hue and cry. Knowing no vixen, walking lonely in the chase. Women he won to him, tender people, a whore of Babylon, ladies of justices, bully tapsters' wives. Fox and geese. And in New Place a slack dishonoured body that once was comely, once as sweet, as fresh as cinnamon, now her leaves falling, all, bare, frighted of the narrow grave and unforgiven. —Yes. So you think... The door closed behind the outgoer. Rest suddenly possessed the discreet vaulted cell, rest of warm and brooding air. A vestal's lamp. Here he ponders things that were not: what Caesar would have lived to do had he believed the soothsayer: what might have been: possibilities of the possible as possible: things not known: what name Achilles bore when he lived among women. Coffined thoughts around me, in mummycases, embalmed in spice of words. Thoth, god of libraries, a birdgod, moonycrowned. And I heard the voice of that Egyptian highpriest. In painted chambers loaded with tilebooks. They are still. Once quick in the brains of men. Still: but an itch of death is in them, to tell me in my ear a maudlin tale, urge me to wreak their will. —Certainly, John Eglinton mused, of all great men he is the most enigmatic. We know nothing but that he lived and suffered. Not even so much. Others abide our question. A shadow hangs over all the rest. —But Hamlet is so personal, isn't it? Mr Best pleaded. I mean, a kind of private paper, don't you know, of his private life. I mean, I don't care a button, don't you know, who is killed or who is guilty... He rested an innocent book on the edge of the desk, smiling his defiance. His private papers in the original. Ta an bad ar an tir. Taim in mo shagart . Put beurla on it, littlejohn. Quoth littlejohn Eglinton: —I was prepared for paradoxes from what Malachi Mulligan told us but I may as well warn you that if you want to shake my belief that Shakespeare is Hamlet you have a stern task before you. Bear with me. Stephen withstood the bane of miscreant eyes glinting stern under wrinkled brows. A basilisk. E quando vede l'uomo l'attosca . Messer Brunetto, I thank thee for the word. —As we, or mother Dana, weave and unweave our bodies, Stephen said, from day to day, their molecules shuttled to and fro, so does the artist weave and unweave his image. And as the mole on my right breast is where it was when I was born, though all my body has been woven of new stuff time after time, so through the ghost of the unquiet father the image of the unliving son looks forth. In the intense instant of imagination, when the mind, Shelley says, is a fading coal, that which I was is that which I am and that which in possibility I may come to be. So in the future, the sister of the past, I may see myself as I sit here now but by reflection from that which then I shall be. Drummond of Hawthornden helped you at that stile. —Yes, Mr Best said youngly. I feel Hamlet quite young. The bitterness might be from the father but the passages with Ophelia are surely from the son. Has the wrong sow by the lug. He is in my father. I am in his son. —That mole is the last to go, Stephen said, laughing. John Eglinton made a nothing pleasing mow. —If that were the birthmark of genius, he said, genius would be a drug in the market. The plays of Shakespeare's later years which Renan admired so much breathe another spirit. —The spirit of reconciliation, the quaker librarian breathed. —There can be no reconciliation, Stephen said, if there has not been a sundering. Said that. —If you want to know what are the events which cast their shadow over the hell of time of King Lear, Othello, Hamlet, Troilus and Cressida, look to see when and how the shadow lifts. What softens the heart of a man, shipwrecked in storms dire, Tried, like another Ulysses, Pericles, prince of Tyre? Head, redconecapped, buffeted, brineblinded. —A child, a girl, placed in his arms, Marina. —The leaning of sophists towards the bypaths of apocrypha is a constant quantity, John Eglinton detected. The highroads are dreary but they lead to the town. Good Bacon: gone musty. Shakespeare Bacon's wild oats. Cypherjugglers going the highroads. Seekers on the great quest. What town, good masters? Mummed in names: A. E., eon: Magee, John Eglinton. East of the sun, west of the moon: Tir na n-og . Booted the twain and staved. How many miles to Dublin? Three score and ten, sir. Will we be there by candlelight? —Mr Brandes accepts it, Stephen said, as the first play of the closing period. —Does he? What does Mr Sidney Lee, or Mr Simon Lazarus as some aver his name is, say of it? —Marina, Stephen said, a child of storm, Miranda, a wonder, Perdita, that which was lost. What was lost is given back to him: his daughter's child. My dearest wife , Pericles says, was like this maid. Will any man love the daughter if he has not loved the mother? —The art of being a grandfather, Mr Best gan murmur. l'art d'être grand ... —Will he not see reborn in her, with the memory of his own youth added, another image? Do you know what you are talking about? Love, yes. Word known to all men. Amor vero aliquid alicui bonum vult unde et ea quae concupiscimus ... —His own image to a man with that queer thing genius is the standard of all experience, material and moral. Such an appeal will touch him. The images of other males of his blood will repel him. He will see in them grotesque attempts of nature to foretell or to repeat himself. The benign forehead of the quaker librarian enkindled rosily with hope. —I hope Mr Dedalus will work out his theory for the enlightenment of the public. And we ought to mention another Irish commentator, Mr George Bernard Shaw. Nor should we forget Mr Frank Harris. His articles on Shakespeare in the Saturday Review were surely brilliant. Oddly enough he too draws for us an unhappy relation with the dark lady of the sonnets. The favoured rival is William Herbert, earl of Pembroke. I own that if the poet must be rejected such a rejection would seem more in harmony with—what shall I say?—our notions of what ought not to have been. Felicitously he ceased and held a meek head among them, auk's egg, prize of their fray. He thous and thees her with grave husbandwords. Dost love, Miriam? Dost love thy man? —That may be too, Stephen said. There's a saying of Goethe's which Mr Magee likes to quote. Beware of what you wish for in youth because you will get it in middle life. Why does he send to one who is a buonaroba, a bay where all men ride, a maid of honour with a scandalous girlhood, a lordling to woo for him? He was himself a lord of language and had made himself a coistrel gentleman and he had written Romeo and Juliet . Why? Belief in himself has been untimely killed. He was overborne in a cornfield first (ryefield, I should say) and he will never be a victor in his own eyes after nor play victoriously the game of laugh and lie down. Assumed dongiovannism will not save him. No later undoing will undo the first undoing. The tusk of the boar has wounded him there where love lies ableeding. If the shrew is worsted yet there remains to her woman's invisible weapon. There is, I feel in the words, some goad of the flesh driving him into a new passion, a darker shadow of the first, darkening even his own understanding of himself. A like fate awaits him and the two rages commingle in a whirlpool. They list. And in the porches of their ears I pour. —The soul has been before stricken mortally, a poison poured in the porch of a sleeping ear. But those who are done to death in sleep cannot know the manner of their quell unless their Creator endow their souls with that knowledge in the life to come. The poisoning and the beast with two backs that urged it King Hamlet's ghost could not know of were he not endowed with knowledge by his creator. That is why the speech (his lean unlovely English) is always turned elsewhere, backward. Ravisher and ravished, what he would but would not, go with him from Lucrece's bluecircled ivory globes to Imogen's breast, bare, with its mole cinquespotted. He goes back, weary of the creation he has piled up to hide him from himself, an old dog licking an old sore. But, because loss is his gain, he passes on towards eternity in undiminished personality, untaught by the wisdom he has written or by the laws he has revealed. His beaver is up. He is a ghost, a shadow now, the wind by Elsinore's rocks or what you will, the sea's voice, a voice heard only in the heart of him who is the substance of his shadow, the son consubstantial with the father. —Amen! was responded from the doorway. Hast thou found me, O mine enemy? Entr'acte . A ribald face, sullen as a dean's, Buck Mulligan came forward, then blithe in motley, towards the greeting of their smiles. My telegram. —You were speaking of the gaseous vertebrate, if I mistake not? he asked of Stephen. Primrosevested he greeted gaily with his doffed Panama as with a bauble. They make him welcome. Was Du verlachst wirst Du noch dienen. Brood of mockers: Photius, pseudomalachi, Johann Most. He Who Himself begot middler the Holy Ghost and Himself sent Himself, Agenbuyer, between Himself and others, Who, put upon by His fiends, stripped and whipped, was nailed like bat to barndoor, starved on crosstree, Who let Him bury, stood up, harrowed hell, fared into heaven and there these nineteen hundred years sitteth on the right hand of His Own Self but yet shall come in the latter day to doom the quick and dead when all the quick shall be dead already. Glo—o—ri—a in ex—cel—sis De—o. He lifts his hands. Veils fall. O, flowers! Bells with bells with bells aquiring. —Yes, indeed, the quaker librarian said. A most instructive discussion. Mr Mulligan, I'll be bound, has his theory too of the play and of Shakespeare. All sides of life should be represented. He smiled on all sides equally. Buck Mulligan thought, puzzled: —Shakespeare? he said. I seem to know the name. A flying sunny smile rayed in his loose features. —To be sure, he said, remembering brightly. The chap that writes like Synge. Mr Best turned to him. —Haines missed you, he said. Did you meet him? He'll see you after at the D. B. C. He's gone to Gill's to buy Hyde's Lovesongs of Connacht . —I came through the museum, Buck Mulligan said. Was he here? —The bard's fellowcountrymen, John Eglinton answered, are rather tired perhaps of our brilliancies of theorising. I hear that an actress played Hamlet for the fourhundredandeighth time last night in Dublin. Vining held that the prince was a woman. Has no-one made him out to be an Irishman? Judge Barton, I believe, is searching for some clues. He swears (His Highness not His Lordship) by saint Patrick. —The most brilliant of all is that story of Wilde's, Mr Best said, lifting his brilliant notebook. That Portrait of Mr W. H. where he proves that the sonnets were written by a Willie Hughes, a man all hues. —For Willie Hughes, is it not? the quaker librarian asked. Or Hughie Wills? Mr William Himself. W. H.: who am I? —I mean, for Willie Hughes, Mr Best said, amending his gloss easily. Of course it's all paradox, don't you know, Hughes and hews and hues, the colour, but it's so typical the way he works it out. It's the very essence of Wilde, don't you know. The light touch. His glance touched their faces lightly as he smiled, a blond ephebe. Tame essence of Wilde. You're darned witty. Three drams of usquebaugh you drank with Dan Deasy's ducats. How much did I spend? O, a few shillings. For a plump of pressmen. Humour wet and dry. Wit. You would give your five wits for youth's proud livery he pranks in. Lineaments of gratified desire. There be many mo. Take her for me. In pairing time. Jove, a cool ruttime send them. Yea, turtledove her. Eve. Naked wheatbellied sin. A snake coils her, fang in's kiss. —Do you think it is only a paradox? the quaker librarian was asking. The mocker is never taken seriously when he is most serious. They talked seriously of mocker's seriousness. Buck Mulligan's again heavy face eyed Stephen awhile. Then, his head wagging, he came near, drew a folded telegram from his pocket. His mobile lips read, smiling with new delight. —Telegram! he said. Wonderful inspiration! Telegram! A papal bull! He sat on a corner of the unlit desk, reading aloud joyfully: — The sentimentalist is he who would enjoy without incurring the immense debtorship for a thing done. Signed: Dedalus. Where did you launch it from? The kips? No. College Green. Have you drunk the four quid? The aunt is going to call on your unsubstantial father. Telegram! Malachi Mulligan, The Ship, lower Abbey street. O, you peerless mummer! O, you priestified Kinchite! Joyfully he thrust message and envelope into a pocket but keened in a querulous brogue: —It's what I'm telling you, mister honey, it's queer and sick we were, Haines and myself, the time himself brought it in. 'Twas murmur we did for a gallus potion would rouse a friar, I'm thinking, and he limp with leching. And we one hour and two hours and three hours in Connery's sitting civil waiting for pints apiece. He wailed: —And we to be there, mavrone, and you to be unbeknownst sending us your conglomerations the way we to have our tongues out a yard long like the drouthy clerics do be fainting for a pussful. Stephen laughed. Quickly, warningfully Buck Mulligan bent down. —The tramper Synge is looking for you, he said, to murder you. He heard you pissed on his halldoor in Glasthule. He's out in pampooties to murder you. —Me! Stephen exclaimed. That was your contribution to literature. Buck Mulligan gleefully bent back, laughing to the dark eavesdropping ceiling. —Murder you! he laughed. Harsh gargoyle face that warred against me over our mess of hash of lights in rue Saint-André-des-Arts. In words of words for words, palabras. Oisin with Patrick. Faunman he met in Clamart woods, brandishing a winebottle. C'est vendredi saint! Murthering Irish. His image, wandering, he met. I mine. I met a fool i'the forest. —Mr Lyster, an attendant said from the door ajar. —... in which everyone can find his own. So Mr Justice Madden in his Diary of Master William Silence has found the hunting terms... Yes? What is it? —There's a gentleman here, sir, the attendant said, coming forward and offering a card. From the Freeman. He wants to see the files of the Kilkenny People for last year. —Certainly, certainly, certainly. Is the gentleman?... He took the eager card, glanced, not saw, laid down unglanced, looked, asked, creaked, asked: —Is he?... O, there! Brisk in a galliard he was off, out. In the daylit corridor he talked with voluble pains of zeal, in duty bound, most fair, most kind, most honest broadbrim. —This gentleman? Freeman's Journal? Kilkenny People? To be sure. Good day, sir. Kilkenny ... We have certainly... A patient silhouette waited, listening. —All the leading provincial... Northern Whig, Cork Examiner, Enniscorthy Guardian, 1903... Will you please?... Evans, conduct this gentleman... If you just follow the atten... Or, please allow me... This way... Please, sir... Voluble, dutiful, he led the way to all the provincial papers, a bowing dark figure following his hasty heels. The door closed. —The sheeny! Buck Mulligan cried. He jumped up and snatched the card. —What's his name? Ikey Moses? Bloom. He rattled on: —Jehovah, collector of prepuces, is no more. I found him over in the museum where I went to hail the foamborn Aphrodite. The Greek mouth that has never been twisted in prayer. Every day we must do homage to her. Life of life, thy lips enkindle. Suddenly he turned to Stephen: —He knows you. He knows your old fellow. O, I fear me, he is Greeker than the Greeks. His pale Galilean eyes were upon her mesial groove. Venus Kallipyge. O, the thunder of those loins! The god pursuing the maiden hid . —We want to hear more, John Eglinton decided with Mr Best's approval. We begin to be interested in Mrs S. Till now we had thought of her, if at all, as a patient Griselda, a Penelope stayathome. —Antisthenes, pupil of Gorgias, Stephen said, took the palm of beauty from Kyrios Menelaus' brooddam, Argive Helen, the wooden mare of Troy in whom a score of heroes slept, and handed it to poor Penelope. Twenty years he lived in London and, during part of that time, he drew a salary equal to that of the lord chancellor of Ireland. His life was rich. His art, more than the art of feudalism as Walt Whitman called it, is the art of surfeit. Hot herringpies, green mugs of sack, honeysauces, sugar of roses, marchpane, gooseberried pigeons, ringocandies. Sir Walter Raleigh, when they arrested him, had half a million francs on his back including a pair of fancy stays. The gombeenwoman Eliza Tudor had underlinen enough to vie with her of Sheba. Twenty years he dallied there between conjugial love and its chaste delights and scortatory love and its foul pleasures. You know Manningham's story of the burgher's wife who bade Dick Burbage to her bed after she had seen him in Richard III and how Shakespeare, overhearing, without more ado about nothing, took the cow by the horns and, when Burbage came knocking at the gate, answered from the capon's blankets: William the conqueror came before Richard III . And the gay lakin, mistress Fitton, mount and cry O, and his dainty birdsnies, lady Penelope Rich, a clean quality woman is suited for a player, and the punks of the bankside, a penny a time. Cours la Reine. Encore vingt sous. Nous ferons de petites cochonneries. Minette? Tu veux? —The height of fine society. And sir William Davenant of oxford's mother with her cup of canary for any cockcanary. Buck Mulligan, his pious eyes upturned, prayed: —Blessed Margaret Mary Anycock! —And Harry of six wives' daughter. And other lady friends from neighbour seats as Lawn Tennyson, gentleman poet, sings. But all those twenty years what do you suppose poor Penelope in Stratford was doing behind the diamond panes? Do and do. Thing done. In a rosery of Fetter lane of Gerard, herbalist, he walks, greyedauburn. An azured harebell like her veins. Lids of Juno's eyes, violets. He walks. One life is all. One body. Do. But do. Afar, in a reek of lust and squalor, hands are laid on whiteness. Buck Mulligan rapped John Eglinton's desk sharply. —Whom do you suspect? he challenged. —Say that he is the spurned lover in the sonnets. Once spurned twice spurned. But the court wanton spurned him for a lord, his dearmylove. Love that dare not speak its name. —As an Englishman, you mean, John sturdy Eglinton put in, he loved a lord. Old wall where sudden lizards flash. At Charenton I watched them. —It seems so, Stephen said, when he wants to do for him, and for all other and singular uneared wombs, the holy office an ostler does for the stallion. Maybe, like Socrates, he had a midwife to mother as he had a shrew to wife. But she, the giglot wanton, did not break a bedvow. Two deeds are rank in that ghost's mind: a broken vow and the dullbrained yokel on whom her favour has declined, deceased husband's brother. Sweet Ann, I take it, was hot in the blood. Once a wooer, twice a wooer. Stephen turned boldly in his chair. —The burden of proof is with you not with me, he said frowning. If you deny that in the fifth scene of Hamlet he has branded her with infamy tell me why there is no mention of her during the thirtyfour years between the day she married him and the day she buried him. All those women saw their men down and under: Mary, her goodman John, Ann, her poor dear Willun, when he went and died on her, raging that he was the first to go, Joan, her four brothers, Judith, her husband and all her sons, Susan, her husband too, while Susan's daughter, Elizabeth, to use granddaddy's words, wed her second, having killed her first. O, yes, mention there is. In the years when he was living richly in royal London to pay a debt she had to borrow forty shillings from her father's shepherd. Explain you then. Explain the swansong too wherein he has commended her to posterity. He faced their silence. Woa! —Pretty countryfolk had few chattels then, John Eglinton observed, as they have still if our peasant plays are true to type. —He was a rich country gentleman, Stephen said, with a coat of arms and landed estate at Stratford and a house in Ireland yard, a capitalist shareholder, a bill promoter, a tithefarmer. Why did he not leave her his best bed if he wished her to snore away the rest of her nights in peace? —It is clear that there were two beds, a best and a secondbest, Mr Secondbest Best said finely. — Separatio a mensa et a thalamo , bettered Buck Mulligan and was smiled on. —Antiquity mentions famous beds, Second Eglinton puckered, bedsmiling. Let me think. —Antiquity mentions that Stagyrite schoolurchin and bald heathen sage, Stephen said, who when dying in exile frees and endows his slaves, pays tribute to his elders, wills to be laid in earth near the bones of his dead wife and bids his friends be kind to an old mistress (don't forget Nell Gwynn Herpyllis) and let her live in his villa. —Do you mean he died so? Mr Best asked with slight concern. I mean... —He died dead drunk, Buck Mulligan capped. A quart of ale is a dish for a king. O, I must tell you what Dowden said! —What? asked Besteglinton. William Shakespeare and company, limited. The people's William. For terms apply: E. Dowden, Highfield house... —Lovely! Buck Mulligan suspired amorously. I asked him what he thought of the charge of pederasty brought against the bard. He lifted his hands and said: All we can say is that life ran very high in those days. Lovely! Catamite. —The sense of beauty leads us astray, said beautifulinsadness Best to ugling Eglinton. Steadfast John replied severe: —The doctor can tell us what those words mean. You cannot eat your cake and have it. Sayest thou so? Will they wrest from us, from me, the palm of beauty? —And the sense of property, Stephen said. He drew Shylock out of his own long pocket. The son of a maltjobber and moneylender he was himself a cornjobber and moneylender, with ten tods of corn hoarded in the famine riots. His borrowers are no doubt those divers of worship mentioned by Chettle Falstaff who reported his uprightness of dealing. He sued a fellowplayer for the price of a few bags of malt and exacted his pound of flesh in interest for every money lent. How else could Aubrey's ostler and callboy get rich quick? All events brought grist to his mill. Shylock chimes with the jewbaiting that followed the hanging and quartering of the queen's leech Lopez, his jew's heart being plucked forth while the sheeny was yet alive: Hamlet and Macbeth with the coming to the throne of a Scotch philosophaster with a turn for witchroasting. The lost armada is his jeer in Love's Labour Lost . His pageants, the histories, sail fullbellied on a tide of Mafeking enthusiasm. Warwickshire jesuits are tried and we have a porter's theory of equivocation. The Sea Venture comes home from Bermudas and the play Renan admired is written with Patsy Caliban, our American cousin. The sugared sonnets follow Sidney's. As for fay Elizabeth, otherwise carrotty Bess, the gross virgin who inspired The Merry Wives of Windsor , let some meinherr from Almany grope his life long for deephid meanings in the depths of the buckbasket. I think you're getting on very nicely. Just mix up a mixture of theolologicophilolological. Mingo, minxi, mictum, mingere. —Prove that he was a jew, John Eglinton dared,'expectantly. Your dean of studies holds he was a holy Roman. Sufflaminandus sum. —He was made in Germany, Stephen replied, as the champion French polisher of Italian scandals. —A myriadminded man, Mr Best reminded. Coleridge called him myriadminded. Amplius. In societate humana hoc est maxime necessarium ut sit amicitia inter multos. —Saint Thomas, Stephen began... — Ora pro nobis , Monk Mulligan groaned, sinking to a chair. There he keened a wailing rune. — Pogue mahone! Acushla machree! It's destroyed we are from this day! It's destroyed we are surely! All smiled their smiles. —Saint Thomas, Stephen smiling said, whose gorbellied works I enjoy reading in the original, writing of incest from a standpoint different from that of the new Viennese school Mr Magee spoke of, likens it in his wise and curious way to an avarice of the emotions. He means that the love so given to one near in blood is covetously withheld from some stranger who, it may be, hungers for it. Jews, whom christians tax with avarice, are of all races the most given to intermarriage. Accusations are made in anger. The christian laws which built up the hoards of the jews (for whom, as for the lollards, storm was shelter) bound their affections too with hoops of steel. Whether these be sins or virtues old Nobodaddy will tell us at doomsday leet. But a man who holds so tightly to what he calls his rights over what he calls his debts will hold tightly also to what he calls his rights over her whom he calls his wife. No sir smile neighbour shall covet his ox or his wife or his manservant or his maidservant or his jackass. —Or his jennyass, Buck Mulligan antiphoned. —Gentle Will is being roughly handled, gentle Mr Best said gently. —Which will? gagged sweetly Buck Mulligan. We are getting mixed. —The will to live, John Eglinton philosophised, for poor Ann, Will's widow, is the will to die. —Requiescat! Stephen prayed. —She lies laid out in stark stiffness in that secondbest bed, the mobled queen, even though you prove that a bed in those days was as rare as a motorcar is now and that its carvings were the wonder of seven parishes. In old age she takes up with gospellers (one stayed with her at New Place and drank a quart of sack the town council paid for but in which bed he slept it skills not to ask) and heard she had a soul. She read or had read to her his chapbooks preferring them to the Merry Wives and, loosing her nightly waters on the jordan, she thought over Hooks and Eyes for Believers' Breeches and The most Spiritual Snuffbox to Make the Most Devout Souls Sneeze . Venus has twisted her lips in prayer. Agenbite of inwit: remorse of conscience. It is an age of exhausted whoredom groping for its god. —History shows that to be true, inquit Eglintonus Chronolologos . The ages succeed one another. But we have it on high authority that a man's worst enemies shall be those of his own house and family. I feel that Russell is right. What do we care for his wife or father? I should say that only family poets have family lives. Falstaff was not a family man. I feel that the fat knight is his supreme creation. Lean, he lay back. Shy, deny thy kindred, the unco guid. Shy, supping with the godless, he sneaks the cup. A sire in Ultonian Antrim bade it him. Visits him here on quarter days. Mr Magee, sir, there's a gentleman to see you. Me? Says he's your father, sir. Give me my Wordsworth. Enter Magee Mor Matthew, a rugged rough rugheaded kern, in strossers with a buttoned codpiece, his nether stocks bemired with clauber of ten forests, a wand of wilding in his hand. Your own? He knows your old fellow. The widower. Hurrying to her squalid deathlair from gay Paris on the quayside I touched his hand. The voice, new warmth, speaking. Dr Bob Kenny is attending her. The eyes that wish me well. But do not know me. —A father, Stephen said, battling against hopelessness, is a necessary evil. He wrote the play in the months that followed his father's death. If you hold that he, a greying man with two marriageable daughters, with thirtyfive years of life, nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita , with fifty of experience, is the beardless undergraduate from Wittenberg then you must hold that his seventyyear old mother is the lustful queen. No. The corpse of John Shakespeare does not walk the night. From hour to hour it rots and rots. He rests, disarmed of fatherhood, having devised that mystical estate upon his son. Boccaccio's Calandrino was the first and last man who felt himself with child. Fatherhood, in the sense of conscious begetting, is unknown to man. It is a mystical estate, an apostolic succession, from only begetter to only begotten. On that mystery and not on the madonna which the cunning Italian intellect flung to the mob of Europe the church is founded and founded irremovably because founded, like the world, macro and microcosm, upon the void. Upon incertitude, upon unlikelihood. Amor matris , subjective and objective genitive, may be the only true thing in life. Paternity may be a legal fiction. Who is the father of any son that any son should love him or he any son? What the hell are you driving at? I know. Shut up. Blast you. I have reasons. Amplius. Adhuc. Iterum. Postea. Are you condemned to do this? —They are sundered by a bodily shame so steadfast that the criminal annals of the world, stained with all other incests and bestialities, hardly record its breach. Sons with mothers, sires with daughters, lesbic sisters, loves that dare not speak their name, nephews with grandmothers, jailbirds with keyholes, queens with prize bulls. The son unborn mars beauty: born, he brings pain, divides affection, increases care. He is a new male: his growth is his father's decline, his youth his father's envy, his friend his father's enemy. In rue Monsieur-le-Prince I thought it. —What links them in nature? An instant of blind rut. Am I a father? If I were? Shrunken uncertain hand. —Sabellius, the African, subtlest heresiarch of all the beasts of the field, held that the Father was Himself His Own Son. The bulldog of Aquin, with whom no word shall be impossible, refutes him. Well: if the father who has not a son be not a father can the son who has not a father be a son? When Rutlandbaconsouthamptonshakespeare or another poet of the same name in the comedy of errors wrote Hamlet he was not the father of his own son merely but, being no more a son, he was and felt himself the father of all his race, the father of his own grandfather, the father of his unborn grandson who, by the same token, never was born, for nature, as Mr Magee understands her, abhors perfection. Eglintoneyes, quick with pleasure, looked up shybrightly. Gladly glancing, a merry puritan, through the twisted eglantine. Flatter. Rarely. But flatter. —Himself his own father, Sonmulligan told himself. Wait. I am big with child. I have an unborn child in my brain. Pallas Athena! A play! The play's the thing! Let me parturiate! He clasped his paunchbrow with both birthaiding hands. —As for his family, Stephen said, his mother's name lives in the forest of Arden. Her death brought from him the scene with Volumnia in Coriolanus. His boyson's death is the deathscene of young Arthur in King John. Hamlet, the black prince, is Hamnet Shakespeare. Who the girls in The Tempest , in Pericles, in Winter's Tale are we know. Who Cleopatra, fleshpot of Egypt, and Cressid and Venus are we may guess. But there is another member of his family who is recorded. —The plot thickens, John Eglinton said. The quaker librarian, quaking, tiptoed in, quake, his mask, quake, with haste, quake, quack. Door closed. Cell. Day. They list. Three. They. I you he they. Come, mess. STEPHEN: He had three brothers, Gilbert, Edmund, Richard. Gilbert in his old age told some cavaliers he got a pass for nowt from Maister Gatherer one time mass he did and he seen his brud Maister Wull the playwriter up in Lunnon in a wrastling play wud a man on's back. The playhouse sausage filled Gilbert's soul. He is nowhere: but an Edmund and a Richard are recorded in the works of sweet William. MAGEEGLINJOHN: Names! What's in a name? BEST: That is my name, Richard, don't you know. I hope you are going to say a good word for Richard, don't you know, for my sake. (Laughter) BUCKMULLIGAN: ( Piano, diminuendo ) STEPHEN: In his trinity of black Wills, the villain shakebags, Iago, Richard Crookback, Edmund in King Lear , two bear the wicked uncles' names. Nay, that last play was written or being written while his brother Edmund lay dying in Southwark. BEST: I hope Edmund is going to catch it. I don't want Richard, my name ... (Laughter) QUAKERLYSTER: ( A tempo ) But he that filches from me my good name... STEPHEN: (Stringendo) He has hidden his own name, a fair name, William, in the plays, a super here, a clown there, as a painter of old Italy set his face in a dark corner of his canvas. He has revealed it in the sonnets where there is Will in overplus. Like John o'Gaunt his name is dear to him, as dear as the coat and crest he toadied for, on a bend sable a spear or steeled argent, honorificabilitudinitatibus, dearer than his glory of greatest shakescene in the country. What's in a name? That is what we ask ourselves in childhood when we write the name that we are told is ours. A star, a daystar, a firedrake, rose at his birth. It shone by day in the heavens alone, brighter than Venus in the night, and by night it shone over delta in Cassiopeia, the recumbent constellation which is the signature of his initial among the stars. His eyes watched it, lowlying on the horizon, eastward of the bear, as he walked by the slumberous summer fields at midnight returning from Shottery and from her arms. Both satisfied. I too. Don't tell them he was nine years old when it was quenched. And from her arms. Wait to be wooed and won. Ay, meacock. Who will woo you? Read the skies. Autontimorumenos. Bous Stephanoumenos. Where's your configuration? Stephen, Stephen, cut the bread even. S. D: sua donna. Già: di lui. gelindo risolve di non amare S. D. —What is that, Mr Dedalus? the quaker librarian asked. Was it a celestial phenomenon? —A star by night, Stephen said. A pillar of the cloud by day. What more's to speak? Stephen looked on his hat, his stick, his boots. Stephanos, my crown. My sword. His boots are spoiling the shape of my feet. Buy a pair. Holes in my socks. Handkerchief too. —You make good use of the name, John Eglinton allowed. Your own name is strange enough. I suppose it explains your fantastical humour. Me, Magee and Mulligan. Fabulous artificer. The hawklike man. You flew. Whereto? Newhaven-Dieppe, steerage passenger. Paris and back. Lapwing. Icarus. Pater, ait. Seabedabbled, fallen, weltering. Lapwing you are. Lapwing be. Mr Best eagerquietly lifted his book to say: —That's very interesting because that brother motive, don't you know, we find also in the old Irish myths. Just what you say. The three brothers Shakespeare. In Grimm too, don't you know, the fairytales. The third brother that always marries the sleeping beauty and wins the best prize. Best of Best brothers. Good, better, best. The quaker librarian springhalted near. —I should like to know, he said, which brother you... I understand you to suggest there was misconduct with one of the brothers... But perhaps I am anticipating? He caught himself in the act: looked at all: refrained. An attendant from the doorway called: —Mr Lyster! Father Dineen wants... —O, Father Dineen! Directly. Swiftly rectly creaking rectly rectly he was rectly gone. John Eglinton touched the foil. —Come, he said. Let us hear what you have to say of Richard and Edmund. You kept them for the last, didn't you? —In asking you to remember those two noble kinsmen nuncle Richie and nuncle Edmund, Stephen answered, I feel I am asking too much perhaps. A brother is as easily forgotten as an umbrella. Lapwing. Where is your brother? Apothecaries' hall. My whetstone. Him, then Cranly, Mulligan: now these. Speech, speech. But act. Act speech. They mock to try you. Act. Be acted on. Lapwing. I am tired of my voice, the voice of Esau. My kingdom for a drink. On. —You will say those names were already in the chronicles from which he took the stuff of his plays. Why did he take them rather than others? Richard, a whoreson crookback, misbegotten, makes love to a widowed Ann (what's in a name?), woos and wins her, a whoreson merry widow. Richard the conqueror, third brother, came after William the conquered. The other four acts of that play hang limply from that first. Of all his kings Richard is the only king unshielded by Shakespeare's reverence, the angel of the world. Why is the underplot of King Lear in which Edmund figures lifted out of Sidney's Arcadia and spatchcocked on to a Celtic legend older than history? —That was Will's way, John Eglinton defended. We should not now combine a Norse saga with an excerpt from a novel by George Meredith. Que voulez-vous? Moore would say. He puts Bohemia on the seacoast and makes Ulysses quote Aristotle. —Why? Stephen answered himself. Because the theme of the false or the usurping or the adulterous brother or all three in one is to Shakespeare, what the poor are not, always with him. The note of banishment, banishment from the heart, banishment from home, sounds uninterruptedly from The Two Gentlemen of Verona onward till Prospero breaks his staff, buries it certain fathoms in the earth and drowns his book. It doubles itself in the middle of his life, reflects itself in another, repeats itself, protasis, epitasis, catastasis, catastrophe. It repeats itself again when he is near the grave, when his married daughter Susan, chip of the old block, is accused of adultery. But it was the original sin that darkened his understanding, weakened his will and left in him a strong inclination to evil. The words are those of my lords bishops of Maynooth. An original sin and, like original sin, committed by another in whose sin he too has sinned. It is between the lines of his last written words, it is petrified on his tombstone under which her four bones are not to be laid. Age has not withered it. Beauty and peace have not done it away. It is in infinite variety everywhere in the world he has created, in Much Ado about Nothing , twice in As you like It , in The Tempest , in Hamlet, in Measure for Measure —and in all the other plays which I have not read. He laughed to free his mind from his mind's bondage. Judge Eglinton summed up. —The truth is midway, he affirmed. He is the ghost and the prince. He is all in all. —He is, Stephen said. The boy of act one is the mature man of act five. All in all. In Cymbeline, in Othello he is bawd and cuckold. He acts and is acted on. Lover of an ideal or a perversion, like Jose he kills the real Carmen. His unremitting intellect is the hornmad Iago ceaselessly willing that the moor in him shall suffer. —Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuck Mulligan clucked lewdly. O word of fear! Dark dome received, reverbed. —And what a character is Iago! undaunted John Eglinton exclaimed. When all is said Dumas fils (or is it Dumas père?) is right. After God Shakespeare has created most. —Man delights him not nor woman neither, Stephen said. He returns after a life of absence to that spot of earth where he was born, where he has always been, man and boy, a silent witness and there, his journey of life ended, he plants his mulberrytree in the earth. Then dies. The motion is ended. Gravediggers bury Hamlet (père?) and Hamlet fils. A king and a prince at last in death, with incidental music. And, what though murdered and betrayed, bewept by all frail tender hearts for, Dane or Dubliner, sorrow for the dead is the only husband from whom they refuse to be divorced. If you like the epilogue look long on it: prosperous Prospero, the good man rewarded, Lizzie, grandpa's lump of love, and nuncle Richie, the bad man taken off by poetic justice to the place where the bad niggers go. Strong curtain. He found in the world without as actual what was in his world within as possible. Maeterlinck says: If Socrates leave his house today he will find the sage seated on his doorstep. If Judas go forth tonight it is to Judas his steps will tend. Every life is many days, day after day. We walk through ourselves, meeting robbers, ghosts, giants, old men, young men, wives, widows, brothers-in-love, but always meeting ourselves. The playwright who wrote the folio of this world and wrote it badly (He gave us light first and the sun two days later), the lord of things as they are whom the most Roman of catholics call dio boia , hangman god, is doubtless all in all in all of us, ostler and butcher, and would be bawd and cuckold too but that in the economy of heaven, foretold by Hamlet, there are no more marriages, glorified man, an androgynous angel, being a wife unto himself. —Eureka! Buck Mulligan cried. Eureka! Suddenly happied he jumped up and reached in a stride John Eglinton's desk. —May I? he said. The Lord has spoken to Malachi. He began to scribble on a slip of paper. Take some slips from the counter going out. —Those who are married, Mr Best, douce herald, said, all save one, shall live. The rest shall keep as they are. He laughed, unmarried, at Eglinton Johannes, of arts a bachelor. Unwed, unfancied, ware of wiles, they fingerponder nightly each his variorum edition of The Taming of the Shrew. —You are a delusion, said roundly John Eglinton to Stephen. You have brought us all this way to show us a French triangle. Do you believe your own theory? —No, Stephen said promptly. —Are you going to write it? Mr Best asked. You ought to make it a dialogue, don't you know, like the Platonic dialogues Wilde wrote. John Eclecticon doubly smiled. —Well, in that case, he said, I don't see why you should expect payment for it since you don't believe it yourself. Dowden believes there is some mystery in Hamlet but will say no more. Herr Bleibtreu, the man Piper met in Berlin, who is working up that Rutland theory, believes that the secret is hidden in the Stratford monument. He is going to visit the present duke, Piper says, and prove to him that his ancestor wrote the plays. It will come as a surprise to his grace. But he believes his theory. I believe, O Lord, help my unbelief. That is, help me to believe or help me to unbelieve? Who helps to believe? Egomen. Who to unbelieve? Other chap. —You are the only contributor to Dana who asks for pieces of silver. Then I don't know about the next number. Fred Ryan wants space for an article on economics. Fraidrine. Two pieces of silver he lent me. Tide you over. Economics. —For a guinea, Stephen said, you can publish this interview. Buck Mulligan stood up from his laughing scribbling, laughing: and then gravely said, honeying malice: —I called upon the bard Kinch at his summer residence in upper Mecklenburgh street and found him deep in the study of the Summa contra Gentiles in the company of two gonorrheal ladies, Fresh Nelly and Rosalie, the coalquay whore. He broke away. —Come, Kinch. Come, wandering Aengus of the birds. Come, Kinch. You have eaten all we left. Ay. I will serve you your orts and offals. Stephen rose. Life is many days. This will end. —We shall see you tonight, John Eglinton said. Notre ami Moore says Malachi Mulligan must be there. Buck Mulligan flaunted his slip and panama. —Monsieur Moore, he said, lecturer on French letters to the youth of Ireland. I'll be there. Come, Kinch, the bards must drink. Can you walk straight? Laughing, he... Swill till eleven. Irish nights entertainment. Lubber... Stephen followed a lubber... One day in the national library we had a discussion. Shakes. After. His lub back: I followed. I gall his kibe. Stephen, greeting, then all amort, followed a lubber jester, a wellkempt head, newbarbered, out of the vaulted cell into a shattering daylight of no thought. What have I learned? Of them? Of me? Walk like Haines now. The constant readers' room. In the readers' book Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell parafes his polysyllables. Item: was Hamlet mad? The quaker's pate godlily with a priesteen in booktalk. —O please do, sir... I shall be most pleased... Amused Buck Mulligan mused in pleasant murmur with himself, selfnodding: —A pleased bottom. The turnstile. Is that?... Blueribboned hat... Idly writing... What? Looked?... The curving balustrade: smoothsliding Mincius. Puck Mulligan, panamahelmeted, went step by step, iambing, trolling: John Eglinton, my jo, John, Why won't you wed a wife? He spluttered to the air: —O, the chinless Chinaman! Chin Chon Eg Lin Ton. We went over to their playbox, Haines and I, the plumbers' hall. Our players are creating a new art for Europe like the Greeks or M. Maeterlinck. Abbey Theatre! I smell the pubic sweat of monks. He spat blank. Forgot: any more than he forgot the whipping lousy Lucy gave him. And left the femme de trente ans. And why no other children born? And his first child a girl? Afterwit. Go back. The dour recluse still there (he has his cake) and the douce youngling, minion of pleasure, Phedo's toyable fair hair. Eh... I just eh... wanted... I forgot... he... —Longworth and M'Curdy Atkinson were there... Puck Mulligan footed featly, trilling: Jest on. Know thyself. Halted, below me, a quizzer looks at me. I halt. —Mournful mummer, Buck Mulligan moaned. Synge has left off wearing black to be like nature. Only crows, priests and English coal are black. A laugh tripped over his lips. —Longworth is awfully sick, he said, after what you wrote about that old hake Gregory. O you inquisitional drunken jewjesuit! She gets you a job on the paper and then you go and slate her drivel to Jaysus. Couldn't you do the Yeats touch? He went on and down, mopping, chanting with waving graceful arms: —The most beautiful book that has come out of our country in my time. One thinks of Homer. He stopped at the stairfoot. —I have conceived a play for the mummers, he said solemnly. The pillared Moorish hall, shadows entwined. Gone the nine men's morrice with caps of indices. In sweetly varying voices Buck Mulligan read his tablet: Everyman His own Wife or A Honeymoon in the Hand (a national immorality in three orgasms) by Ballocky Mulligan. He turned a happy patch's smirk to Stephen, saying: —The disguise, I fear, is thin. But listen. He read, marcato: —Characters: He laughed, lolling a to and fro head, walking on, followed by Stephen: and mirthfully he told the shadows, souls of men: —O, the night in the Camden hall when the daughters of Erin had to lift their skirts to step over you as you lay in your mulberrycoloured, multicoloured, multitudinous vomit! —The most innocent son of Erin, Stephen said, for whom they ever lifted them. About to pass through the doorway, feeling one behind, he stood aside. Part. The moment is now. Where then? If Socrates leave his house today, if Judas go forth tonight. Why? That lies in space which I in time must come to, ineluctably. My will: his will that fronts me. Seas between. A man passed out between them, bowing, greeting. —Good day again, Buck Mulligan said. The portico. Here I watched the birds for augury. Aengus of the birds. They go, they come. Last night I flew. Easily flew. Men wondered. Street of harlots after. A creamfruit melon he held to me. In. You will see. —The wandering jew, Buck Mulligan whispered with clown's awe. Did you see his eye? He looked upon you to lust after you. I fear thee, ancient mariner. O, Kinch, thou art in peril. Get thee a breechpad. Manner of Oxenford. Day. Wheelbarrow sun over arch of bridge. A dark back went before them, step of a pard, down, out by the gateway, under portcullis barbs. They followed. Offend me still. Speak on. Kind air defined the coigns of houses in Kildare street. No birds. Frail from the housetops two plumes of smoke ascended, pluming, and in a flaw of softness softly were blown. Cease to strive. Peace of the druid priests of Cymbeline: hierophantic: from wide earth an altar. The superior, the very reverend John Conmee S.J. reset his smooth watch in his interior pocket as he came down the presbytery steps. Five to three. Just nice time to walk to Artane. What was that boy's name again? Dignam. Yes. Vere dignum et iustum est. Brother Swan was the person to see. Mr Cunningham's letter. Yes. Oblige him, if possible. Good practical catholic: useful at mission time. A onelegged sailor, swinging himself onward by lazy jerks of his crutches, growled some notes. He jerked short before the convent of the sisters of charity and held out a peaked cap for alms towards the very reverend John Conmee S. J. Father Conmee blessed him in the sun for his purse held, he knew, one silver crown. Father Conmee crossed to Mountjoy square. He thought, but not for long, of soldiers and sailors, whose legs had been shot off by cannonballs, ending their days in some pauper ward, and of cardinal Wolsey's words: If I had served my God as I have served my king He would not have abandoned me in my old days. He walked by the treeshade of sunnywinking leaves: and towards him came the wife of Mr David Sheehy M.P. —Very well, indeed, father. And you, father? Father Conmee was wonderfully well indeed. He would go to Buxton probably for the waters. And her boys, were they getting on well at Belvedere? Was that so? Father Conmee was very glad indeed to hear that. And Mr Sheehy himself? Still in London. The house was still sitting, to be sure it was. Beautiful weather it was, delightful indeed. Yes, it was very probable that Father Bernard Vaughan would come again to preach. O, yes: a very great success. A wonderful man really. Father Conmee was very glad to see the wife of Mr David Sheehy M.P. Iooking so well and he begged to be remembered to Mr David Sheehy M.P. Yes, he would certainly call. —Good afternoon, Mrs Sheehy. Father Conmee doffed his silk hat and smiled, as he took leave, at the jet beads of her mantilla inkshining in the sun. And smiled yet again, in going. He had cleaned his teeth, he knew, with arecanut paste. Father Conmee walked and, walking, smiled for he thought on Father Bernard Vaughan's droll eyes and cockney voice. —Pilate! Wy don't you old back that owlin mob? A zealous man, however. Really he was. And really did great good in his way. Beyond a doubt. He loved Ireland, he said, and he loved the Irish. Of good family too would one think it? Welsh, were they not? O, lest he forget. That letter to father provincial. Father Conmee stopped three little schoolboys at the corner of Mountjoy square. Yes: they were from Belvedere. The little house. Aha. And were they good boys at school? O. That was very good now. And what was his name? Jack Sohan. And his name? Ger. Gallaher. And the other little man? His name was Brunny Lynam. O, that was a very nice name to have. Father Conmee gave a letter from his breast to Master Brunny Lynam and pointed to the red pillarbox at the corner of Fitzgibbon street. —But mind you don't post yourself into the box, little man, he said. The boys sixeyed Father Conmee and laughed: —O, sir. —Well, let me see if you can post a letter, Father Conmee said. Master Brunny Lynam ran across the road and put Father Conmee's letter to father provincial into the mouth of the bright red letterbox. Father Conmee smiled and nodded and smiled and walked along Mountjoy square east. Mr Denis J Maginni, professor of dancing &c, in silk hat, slate frockcoat with silk facings, white kerchief tie, tight lavender trousers, canary gloves and pointed patent boots, walking with grave deportment most respectfully took the curbstone as he passed lady Maxwell at the corner of Dignam's court. Was that not Mrs M'Guinness? Mrs M'Guinness, stately, silverhaired, bowed to Father Conmee from the farther footpath along which she sailed. And Father Conmee smiled and saluted. How did she do? A fine carriage she had. Like Mary, queen of Scots, something. And to think that she was a pawnbroker! Well, now! Such a... what should he say?... such a queenly mien. Father Conmee walked down Great Charles street and glanced at the shutup free church on his left. The reverend T. R. Greene B.A. will (D.V.) speak. The incumbent they called him. He felt it incumbent on him to say a few words. But one should be charitable. Invincible ignorance. They acted according to their lights. Father Conmee turned the corner and walked along the North Circular road. It was a wonder that there was not a tramline in such an important thoroughfare. Surely, there ought to be. A band of satchelled schoolboys crossed from Richmond street. All raised untidy caps. Father Conmee greeted them more than once benignly. Christian brother boys. Father Conmee smelt incense on his right hand as he walked. Saint Joseph's church, Portland row. For aged and virtuous females. Father Conmee raised his hat to the Blessed Sacrament. Virtuous: but occasionally they were also badtempered. Near Aldborough house Father Conmee thought of that spendthrift nobleman. And now it was an office or something. Father Conmee began to walk along the North Strand road and was saluted by Mr William Gallagher who stood in the doorway of his shop. Father Conmee saluted Mr William Gallagher and perceived the odours that came from baconflitches and ample cools of butter. He passed Grogan's the Tobacconist against which newsboards leaned and told of a dreadful catastrophe in New York. In America those things were continually happening. Unfortunate people to die like that, unprepared. Still, an act of perfect contrition. Father Conmee went by Daniel Bergin's publichouse against the window of which two unlabouring men lounged. They saluted him and were saluted. Father Conmee passed H. J. O'Neill's funeral establishment where Corny Kelleher totted figures in the daybook while he chewed a blade of hay. A constable on his beat saluted Father Conmee and Father Conmee saluted the constable. In Youkstetter's, the porkbutcher's, Father Conmee observed pig's puddings, white and black and red, lie neatly curled in tubes. Moored under the trees of Charleville Mall Father Conmee saw a turfbarge, a towhorse with pendent head, a bargeman with a hat of dirty straw seated amidships, smoking and staring at a branch of poplar above him. It was idyllic: and Father Conmee reflected on the providence of the Creator who had made turf to be in bogs whence men might dig it out and bring it to town and hamlet to make fires in the houses of poor people. On Newcomen bridge the very reverend John Conmee S.J. of saint Francis Xavier's church, upper Gardiner street, stepped on to an outward bound tram. Off an inward bound tram stepped the reverend Nicholas Dudley C. C. of saint Agatha's church, north William street, on to Newcomen bridge. At Newcomen bridge Father Conmee stepped into an outward bound tram for he disliked to traverse on foot the dingy way past Mud Island. Father Conmee sat in a corner of the tramcar, a blue ticket tucked with care in the eye of one plump kid glove, while four shillings, a sixpence and five pennies chuted from his other plump glovepalm into his purse. Passing the ivy church he reflected that the ticket inspector usually made his visit when one had carelessly thrown away the ticket. The solemnity of the occupants of the car seemed to Father Conmee excessive for a journey so short and cheap. Father Conmee liked cheerful decorum. It was a peaceful day. The gentleman with the glasses opposite Father Conmee had finished explaining and looked down. His wife, Father Conmee supposed. A tiny yawn opened the mouth of the wife of the gentleman with the glasses. She raised her small gloved fist, yawned ever so gently, tiptapping her small gloved fist on her opening mouth and smiled tinily, sweetly. Father Conmee perceived her perfume in the car. He perceived also that the awkward man at the other side of her was sitting on the edge of the seat. Father Conmee at the altarrails placed the host with difficulty in the mouth of the awkward old man who had the shaky head. At Annesley bridge the tram halted and, when it was about to go, an old woman rose suddenly from her place to alight. The conductor pulled the bellstrap to stay the car for her. She passed out with her basket and a marketnet: and Father Conmee saw the conductor help her and net and basket down: and Father Conmee thought that, as she had nearly passed the end of the penny fare, she was one of those good souls who had always to be told twice bless you, my child, that they have been absolved, pray for me. But they had so many worries in life, so many cares, poor creatures. From the hoardings Mr Eugene Stratton grimaced with thick niggerlips at Father Conmee. Father Conmee thought of the souls of black and brown and yellow men and of his sermon on saint Peter Claver S.J. and the African mission and of the propagation of the faith and of the millions of black and brown and yellow souls that had not received the baptism of water when their last hour came like a thief in the night. That book by the Belgian jesuit, Le Nombre des Élus, seemed to Father Conmee a reasonable plea. Those were millions of human souls created by God in His Own likeness to whom the faith had not (D.V.) been brought. But they were God's souls, created by God. It seemed to Father Conmee a pity that they should all be lost, a waste, if one might say. At the Howth road stop Father Conmee alighted, was saluted by the conductor and saluted in his turn. The Malahide road was quiet. It pleased Father Conmee, road and name. The joybells were ringing in gay Malahide. Lord Talbot de Malahide, immediate hereditary lord admiral of Malahide and the seas adjoining. Then came the call to arms and she was maid, wife and widow in one day. Those were old worldish days, loyal times in joyous townlands, old times in the barony. Father Conmee, walking, thought of his little book Old Times in the Barony and of the book that might be written about jesuit houses and of Mary Rochfort, daughter of lord Molesworth, first countess of Belvedere. A listless lady, no more young, walked alone the shore of lough Ennel, Mary, first countess of Belvedere, listlessly walking in the evening, not startled when an otter plunged. Who could know the truth? Not the jealous lord Belvedere and not her confessor if she had not committed adultery fully, eiaculatio seminis inter vas naturale mulieris, with her husband's brother? She would half confess if she had not all sinned as women did. Only God knew and she and he, her husband's brother. Father Conmee thought of that tyrannous incontinence, needed however for man's race on earth, and of the ways of God which were not our ways. Don John Conmee walked and moved in times of yore. He was humane and honoured there. He bore in mind secrets confessed and he smiled at smiling noble faces in a beeswaxed drawingroom, ceiled with full fruit clusters. And the hands of a bride and of a bridegroom, noble to noble, were impalmed by Don John Conmee. It was a charming day. The lychgate of a field showed Father Conmee breadths of cabbages, curtseying to him with ample underleaves. The sky showed him a flock of small white clouds going slowly down the wind. Moutonner, the French said. A just and homely word. Father Conmee, reading his office, watched a flock of muttoning clouds over Rathcoffey. His thinsocked ankles were tickled by the stubble of Clongowes field. He walked there, reading in the evening, and heard the cries of the boys' lines at their play, young cries in the quiet evening. He was their rector: his reign was mild. Father Conmee drew off his gloves and took his rededged breviary out. An ivory bookmark told him the page. Nones. He should have read that before lunch. But lady Maxwell had come. Father Conmee read in secret Pater and Ave and crossed his breast. Deus in adiutorium. He walked calmly and read mutely the nones, walking and reading till he came to Res in Beati immaculati: Principium verborum tuorum veritas: in eternum omnia indicia iustitiae tuae. A flushed young man came from a gap of a hedge and after him came a young woman with wild nodding daisies in her hand. The young man raised his cap abruptly: the young woman abruptly bent and with slow care detached from her light skirt a clinging twig. Father Conmee blessed both gravely and turned a thin page of his breviary. Sin: Principes persecuti sunt me gratis: et a verbis tuis formidavit cor meum. Corny Kelleher closed his long daybook and glanced with his drooping eye at a pine coffinlid sentried in a corner. He pulled himself erect, went to it and, spinning it on its axle, viewed its shape and brass furnishings. Chewing his blade of hay he laid the coffinlid by and came to the doorway. There he tilted his hatbrim to give shade to his eyes and leaned against the doorcase, looking idly out. Father John Conmee stepped into the Dollymount tram on Newcomen bridge. Corny Kelleher locked his largefooted boots and gazed, his hat downtilted, chewing his blade of hay. Constable 57C, on his beat, stood to pass the time of day. —That's a fine day, Mr Kelleher. —Ay, Corny Kelleher said. —It's very close, the constable said. Corny Kelleher sped a silent jet of hayjuice arching from his mouth while a generous white arm from a window in Eccles street flung forth a coin. —What's the best news? he asked. —I seen that particular party last evening, the constable said with bated breath. A onelegged sailor crutched himself round MacConnell's corner, skirting Rabaiotti's icecream car, and jerked himself up Eccles street. Towards Larry O'Rourke, in shirtsleeves in his doorway, he growled unamiably: — For England ... He swung himself violently forward past Katey and Boody Dedalus, halted and growled: — home and beauty. J. J. O'Molloy's white careworn face was told that Mr Lambert was in the warehouse with a visitor. A stout lady stopped, took a copper coin from her purse and dropped it into the cap held out to her. The sailor grumbled thanks, glanced sourly at the unheeding windows, sank his head and swung himself forward four strides. He halted and growled angrily: — For England ... Two barefoot urchins, sucking long liquorice laces, halted near him, gaping at his stump with their yellowslobbered mouths. He swung himself forward in vigorous jerks, halted, lifted his head towards a window and bayed deeply: — home and beauty. The gay sweet chirping whistling within went on a bar or two, ceased. The blind of the window was drawn aside. A card Unfurnished Apartments slipped from the sash and fell. A plump bare generous arm shone, was seen, held forth from a white petticoatbodice and taut shiftstraps. A woman's hand flung forth a coin over the area railings. It fell on the path. One of the urchins ran to it, picked it up and dropped it into the minstrel's cap, saying: —There, sir. Katey and Boody Dedalus shoved in the door of the closesteaming kitchen. —Did you put in the books? Boody asked. Maggy at the range rammed down a greyish mass beneath bubbling suds twice with her potstick and wiped her brow. —They wouldn't give anything on them, she said. Father Conmee walked through Clongowes fields, his thinsocked ankles tickled by stubble. —Where did you try? Boody asked. —M'Guinness's. Boody stamped her foot and threw her satchel on the table. —Bad cess to her big face! she cried. Katey went to the range and peered with squinting eyes. —What's in the pot? she asked. —Shirts, Maggy said. Boody cried angrily: —Crickey, is there nothing for us to eat? Katey, lifting the kettlelid in a pad of her stained skirt, asked: —And what's in this? A heavy fume gushed in answer. —Peasoup, Maggy said. —Where did you get it? Katey asked. —Sister Mary Patrick, Maggy said. The lacquey rang his bell. —Barang! Boody sat down at the table and said hungrily: —Give us it here. Maggy poured yellow thick soup from the kettle into a bowl. Katey, sitting opposite Boody, said quietly, as her fingertip lifted to her mouth random crumbs: —A good job we have that much. Where's Dilly? —Gone to meet father, Maggy said. Boody, breaking big chunks of bread into the yellow soup, added: —Our father who art not in heaven. Maggy, pouring yellow soup in Katey's bowl, exclaimed: —Boody! For shame! A skiff, a crumpled throwaway, Elijah is coming, rode lightly down the Liffey, under Loopline bridge, shooting the rapids where water chafed around the bridgepiers, sailing eastward past hulls and anchorchains, between the Customhouse old dock and George's quay. The blond girl in Thornton's bedded the wicker basket with rustling fibre. Blazes Boylan handed her the bottle swathed in pink tissue paper and a small jar. —Put these in first, will you? he said. —Yes, sir, the blond girl said. And the fruit on top. —That'll do, game ball, Blazes Boylan said. She bestowed fat pears neatly, head by tail, and among them ripe shamefaced peaches. Blazes Boylan walked here and there in new tan shoes about the fruitsmelling shop, lifting fruits, young juicy crinkled and plump red tomatoes, sniffing smells. H. E. L. Y.'S filed before him, tallwhitehatted, past Tangier lane, plodding towards their goal. He turned suddenly from a chip of strawberries, drew a gold watch from his fob and held it at its chain's length. —Can you send them by tram? Now? A darkbacked figure under Merchants' arch scanned books on the hawker's cart. —Certainly, sir. Is it in the city? —O, yes, Blazes Boylan said. Ten minutes. The blond girl handed him a docket and pencil. —Will you write the address, sir? Blazes Boylan at the counter wrote and pushed the docket to her. —Send it at once, will you? he said. It's for an invalid. —Yes, sir. I will, sir. Blazes Boylan rattled merry money in his trousers' pocket. —What's the damage? he asked. The blond girl's slim fingers reckoned the fruits. Blazes Boylan looked into the cut of her blouse. A young pullet. He took a red carnation from the tall stemglass. —This for me? he asked gallantly. The blond girl glanced sideways at him, got up regardless, with his tie a bit crooked, blushing. —Yes, sir, she said. Bending archly she reckoned again fat pears and blushing peaches. Blazes Boylan looked in her blouse with more favour, the stalk of the red flower between his smiling teeth. —May I say a word to your telephone, missy? he asked roguishly. —Ma! Almidano Artifoni said. He gazed over Stephen's shoulder at Goldsmith's knobby poll. Two carfuls of tourists passed slowly, their women sitting fore, gripping the handrests. Palefaces. Men's arms frankly round their stunted forms. They looked from Trinity to the blind columned porch of the bank of Ireland where pigeons roocoocooed. — Anch'io ho avuto di queste idee, ALMIDANO ARTIFONI SAID, quand' ero giovine come Lei. Eppoi mi sono convinto che il mondo è una bestia. É peccato. Perchè la sua voce... sarebbe un cespite di rendita, via. Invece, Lei si sacrifica. — Sacrifizio incruento, Stephen said smiling, swaying his ashplant in slow swingswong from its midpoint, lightly. —Speriamo, the round mustachioed face said pleasantly. Ma, dia retta a me. Ci rifletta . By the stern stone hand of Grattan, bidding halt, an Inchicore tram unloaded straggling Highland soldiers of a band. — Ci rifletterò, Stephen said, glancing down the solid trouserleg. — Ma, sul serio, eh? Almidano Artifoni said. His heavy hand took Stephen's firmly. Human eyes. They gazed curiously an instant and turned quickly towards a Dalkey tram. —Eccolo, Almidano Artifoni said in friendly haste. Venga a trovarmi e ci pensi. Addio, caro. — Arrivederla, maestro, Stephen said, raising his hat when his hand was freed. E grazie. — Di che? Almidano Artifoni said. Scusi, eh? Tante belle cose! Almidano Artifoni, holding up a baton of rolled music as a signal, trotted on stout trousers after the Dalkey tram. In vain he trotted, signalling in vain among the rout of barekneed gillies smuggling implements of music through Trinity gates. Miss Dunne hid the Capel street library copy of The Woman in White far back in her drawer and rolled a sheet of gaudy notepaper into her typewriter. Too much mystery business in it. Is he in love with that one, Marion? Change it and get another by Mary Cecil Haye. The disk shot down the groove, wobbled a while, ceased and ogled them: six. Miss Dunne clicked on the keyboard: —16 June 1904. Five tallwhitehatted sandwichmen between Monypeny's corner and the slab where Wolfe Tone's statue was not, eeled themselves turning H. E. L. Y.'S and plodded back as they had come. Then she stared at the large poster of Marie Kendall, charming soubrette, and, listlessly lolling, scribbled on the jotter sixteens and capital esses. Mustard hair and dauby cheeks. She's not nicelooking, is she? The way she's holding up her bit of a skirt. Wonder will that fellow be at the band tonight. If I could get that dressmaker to make a concertina skirt like Susy Nagle's. They kick out grand. Shannon and all the boatclub swells never took his eyes off her. Hope to goodness he won't keep me here till seven. The telephone rang rudely by her ear. —Hello. Yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. I'll ring them up after five. Only those two, sir, for Belfast and Liverpool. All right, sir. Then I can go after six if you're not back. A quarter after. Yes, sir. Twentyseven and six. I'll tell him. Yes: one, seven, six. She scribbled three figures on an envelope. —Mr Boylan! Hello! That gentleman from SPORT was in looking for you. Mr Lenehan, yes. He said he'll be in the Ormond at four. No, sir. Yes, sir. I'll ring them up after five. Two pink faces turned in the flare of the tiny torch. —Who's that? Ned Lambert asked. Is that Crotty? —Ringabella and Crosshaven, a voice replied groping for foothold. —Hello, Jack, is that yourself? Ned Lambert said, raising in salute his pliant lath among the flickering arches. Come on. Mind your steps there. The vesta in the clergyman's uplifted hand consumed itself in a long soft flame and was let fall. At their feet its red speck died: and mouldy air closed round them. —How interesting! a refined accent said in the gloom. —Yes, sir, Ned Lambert said heartily. We are standing in the historic council chamber of saint Mary's abbey where silken Thomas proclaimed himself a rebel in 1534. This is the most historic spot in all Dublin. O'Madden Burke is going to write something about it one of these days. The old bank of Ireland was over the way till the time of the union and the original jews' temple was here too before they built their synagogue over in Adelaide road. You were never here before, Jack, were you? —No, Ned. —He rode down through Dame walk, the refined accent said, if my memory serves me. The mansion of the Kildares was in Thomas court. —That's right, Ned Lambert said. That's quite right, sir. —If you will be so kind then, the clergyman said, the next time to allow me perhaps... —Certainly, Ned Lambert said. Bring the camera whenever you like. I'll get those bags cleared away from the windows. You can take it from here or from here. In the still faint light he moved about, tapping with his lath the piled seedbags and points of vantage on the floor. From a long face a beard and gaze hung on a chessboard. —I'm deeply obliged, Mr Lambert, the clergyman said. I won't trespass on your valuable time... —You're welcome, sir, Ned Lambert said. Drop in whenever you like. Next week, say. Can you see? —Yes, yes. Good afternoon, Mr Lambert. Very pleased to have met you. —Pleasure is mine, sir, Ned Lambert answered. He followed his guest to the outlet and then whirled his lath away among the pillars. With J. J. O'Molloy he came forth slowly into Mary's abbey where draymen were loading floats with sacks of carob and palmnut meal, O'Connor, Wexford. He stood to read the card in his hand. —The reverend Hugh C. Love, Rathcoffey. Present address: Saint Michael's, Sallins. Nice young chap he is. He's writing a book about the Fitzgeralds he told me. He's well up in history, faith. The young woman with slow care detached from her light skirt a clinging twig. —I thought you were at a new gunpowder plot, J. J. O'Molloy said. Ned Lambert cracked his fingers in the air. —God! he cried. I forgot to tell him that one about the earl of Kildare after he set fire to Cashel cathedral. You know that one? I'm bloody sorry I did it, says he, but I declare to God I thought the archbishop was inside. He mightn't like it, though. What? God, I'll tell him anyhow. That was the great earl, the Fitzgerald Mor. Hot members they were all of them, the Geraldines. The horses he passed started nervously under their slack harness. He slapped a piebald haunch quivering near him and cried: —Woa, sonny! He turned to J. J. O'Molloy and asked: —Well, Jack. What is it? What's the trouble? Wait awhile. Hold hard. With gaping mouth and head far back he stood still and, after an instant, sneezed loudly. —Chow! he said. Blast you! —The dust from those sacks, J. J. O'Molloy said politely. —No, Ned Lambert gasped, I caught a... cold night before... blast your soul... night before last... and there was a hell of a lot of draught... He held his handkerchief ready for the coming... —I was... Glasnevin this morning... poor little... what do you call him... Chow!... Mother of Moses! Tom Rochford took the top disk from the pile he clasped against his claret waistcoat. —See? he said. Say it's turn six. In here, see. Turn Now On. He slid it into the left slot for them. It shot down the groove, wobbled a while, ceased, ogling them: six. Lawyers of the past, haughty, pleading, beheld pass from the consolidated taxing office to Nisi Prius court Richie Goulding carrying the costbag of Goulding, Collis and Ward and heard rustling from the admiralty division of king's bench to the court of appeal an elderly female with false teeth smiling incredulously and a black silk skirt of great amplitude. —See? he said. See now the last one I put in is over here: Turns Over. The impact. Leverage, see? He showed them the rising column of disks on the right. —Smart idea, Nosey Flynn said, snuffling. So a fellow coming in late can see what turn is on and what turns are over. —See? Tom Rochford said. He slid in a disk for himself: and watched it shoot, wobble, ogle, stop: four. Turn Now On. —I'll see him now in the Ormond, Lenehan said, and sound him. One good turn deserves another. —Do, Tom Rochford said. Tell him I'm Boylan with impatience. —Goodnight, M'Coy said abruptly. When you two begin Nosey Flynn stooped towards the lever, snuffling at it. —But how does it work here, Tommy? he asked. —Tooraloo, Lenehan said. See you later. He followed M'Coy out across the tiny square of Crampton court. —He's a hero, he said simply. —I know, M'Coy said. The drain, you mean. —Drain? Lenehan said. It was down a manhole. They passed Dan Lowry's musichall where Marie Kendall, charming soubrette, smiled on them from a poster a dauby smile. Going down the path of Sycamore street beside the Empire musichall Lenehan showed M'Coy how the whole thing was. One of those manholes like a bloody gaspipe and there was the poor devil stuck down in it, half choked with sewer gas. Down went Tom Rochford anyhow, booky's vest and all, with the rope round him. And be damned but he got the rope round the poor devil and the two were hauled up. —The act of a hero, he said. At the Dolphin they halted to allow the ambulance car to gallop past them for Jervis street. —This way, he said, walking to the right. I want to pop into Lynam's to see Sceptre's starting price. What's the time by your gold watch and chain? M'Coy peered into Marcus Tertius Moses' sombre office, then at O'Neill's clock. —After three, he said. Who's riding her? —O. Madden, Lenehan said. And a game filly she is. While he waited in Temple bar M'Coy dodged a banana peel with gentle pushes of his toe from the path to the gutter. Fellow might damn easy get a nasty fall there coming along tight in the dark. The gates of the drive opened wide to give egress to the viceregal cavalcade. —Even money, Lenehan said returning. I knocked against Bantam Lyons in there going to back a bloody horse someone gave him that hasn't an earthly. Through here. They went up the steps and under Merchants' arch. A darkbacked figure scanned books on the hawker's cart. —There he is, Lenehan said. —Wonder what he's buying, M'Coy said, glancing behind. — Leopoldo or the Bloom is on the Rye, Lenehan said. —He's dead nuts on sales, M'Coy said. I was with him one day and he bought a book from an old one in Liffey street for two bob. There were fine plates in it worth double the money, the stars and the moon and comets with long tails. Astronomy it was about. Lenehan laughed. —I'll tell you a damn good one about comets' tails, he said. Come over in the sun. They crossed to the metal bridge and went along Wellington quay by the riverwall. Master Patrick Aloysius Dignam came out of Mangan's, late Fehrenbach's, carrying a pound and a half of porksteaks. —There was a long spread out at Glencree reformatory, Lenehan said eagerly. The annual dinner, you know. Boiled shirt affair. The lord mayor was there, Val Dillon it was, and sir Charles Cameron and Dan Dawson spoke and there was music. Bartell d'Arcy sang and Benjamin Dollard... —I know, M'Coy broke in. My missus sang there once. —Did she? Lenehan said. A card Unfurnished Apartments reappeared on the windowsash of number 7 Eccles street. He checked his tale a moment but broke out in a wheezy laugh. —But wait till I tell you, he said. Delahunt of Camden street had the catering and yours truly was chief bottlewasher. Bloom and the wife were there. Lashings of stuff we put up: port wine and sherry and curacao to which we did ample justice. Fast and furious it was. After liquids came solids. Cold joints galore and mince pies... —I know, M'Coy said. The year the missus was there... Lenehan linked his arm warmly. —But wait till I tell you, he said. We had a midnight lunch too after all the jollification and when we sallied forth it was blue o'clock the morning after the night before. Coming home it was a gorgeous winter's night on the Featherbed Mountain. Bloom and Chris Callinan were on one side of the car and I was with the wife on the other. We started singing glees and duets: Lo, the early beam of morning . She was well primed with a good load of Delahunt's port under her bellyband. Every jolt the bloody car gave I had her bumping up against me. Hell's delights! She has a fine pair, God bless her. Like that. He held his caved hands a cubit from him, frowning: —I was tucking the rug under her and settling her boa all the time. Know what I mean? His hands moulded ample curves of air. He shut his eyes tight in delight, his body shrinking, and blew a sweet chirp from his lips. —The lad stood to attention anyhow, he said with a sigh. She's a gamey mare and no mistake. Bloom was pointing out all the stars and the comets in the heavens to Chris Callinan and the jarvey: the great bear and Hercules and the dragon, and the whole jingbang lot. But, by God, I was lost, so to speak, in the milky way. He knows them all, faith. At last she spotted a weeny weeshy one miles away. And what star is that, Poldy? says she. By God, she had Bloom cornered. That one, is it? says Chris Callinan, sure that's only what you might call a pinprick. By God, he wasn't far wide of the mark. Lenehan stopped and leaned on the riverwall, panting with soft laughter. —I'm weak, he gasped. M'Coy's white face smiled about it at instants and grew grave. Lenehan walked on again. He lifted his yachtingcap and scratched his hindhead rapidly. He glanced sideways in the sunlight at M'Coy. —He's a cultured allroundman, Bloom is, he said seriously. He's not one of your common or garden... you know... There's a touch of the artist about old Bloom. Mr Bloom turned over idly pages of The Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk, then of Aristotle's Masterpiece. Crooked botched print. Plates: infants cuddled in a ball in bloodred wombs like livers of slaughtered cows. Lots of them like that at this moment all over the world. All butting with their skulls to get out of it. Child born every minute somewhere. Mrs Purefoy. He laid both books aside and glanced at the third: Tales of the Ghetto by Leopold von Sacher Masoch. —That I had, he said, pushing it by. The shopman let two volumes fall on the counter. —Them are two good ones, he said. Onions of his breath came across the counter out of his ruined mouth. He bent to make a bundle of the other books, hugged them against his unbuttoned waistcoat and bore them off behind the dingy curtain. On O'Connell bridge many persons observed the grave deportment and gay apparel of Mr Denis J Maginni, professor of dancing &c. Mr Bloom, alone, looked at the titles. Fair Tyrants by James Lovebirch. Know the kind that is. Had it? Yes. He opened it. Thought so. A woman's voice behind the dingy curtain. Listen: the man. No: she wouldn't like that much. Got her it once. He read the other title: Sweets of Sin . More in her line. Let us see. He read where his finger opened. —All the dollarbills her husband gave her were spent in the stores on wondrous gowns and costliest frillies. For him! For raoul! Yes. This. Here. Try. — Her mouth glued on his in a luscious voluptuous kiss while his hands felt for the opulent curves inside her deshabillé. Yes. Take this. The end. — You are late, he spoke hoarsely, eying her with a suspicious glare. The beautiful woman threw off her sabletrimmed wrap, displaying her queenly shoulders and heaving embonpoint. An imperceptible smile played round her perfect lips as she turned to him calmly. Mr Bloom read again: The beautiful woman. Warmth showered gently over him, cowing his flesh. Flesh yielded amply amid rumpled clothes: whites of eyes swooning up. His nostrils arched themselves for prey. Melting breast ointments ( for Him! For Raoul! ). Armpits' oniony sweat. Fishgluey slime ( her heaving embonpoint! ). Feel! Press! Crushed! Sulphur dung of lions! Young! Young! An elderly female, no more young, left the building of the courts of chancery, king's bench, exchequer and common pleas, having heard in the lord chancellor's court the case in lunacy of Potterton, in the admiralty division the summons, exparte motion, of the owners of the Lady Cairns versus the owners of the barque Mona, in the court of appeal reservation of judgment in the case of Harvey versus the Ocean Accident and Guarantee Corporation. Phlegmy coughs shook the air of the bookshop, bulging out the dingy curtains. The shopman's uncombed grey head came out and his unshaven reddened face, coughing. He raked his throat rudely, puked phlegm on the floor. He put his boot on what he had spat, wiping his sole along it, and bent, showing a rawskinned crown, scantily haired. Mr Bloom beheld it. Mastering his troubled breath, he said: —I'll take this one. The shopman lifted eyes bleared with old rheum. — Sweets of Sin, he said, tapping on it. That's a good one. The lacquey by the door of Dillon's auctionrooms shook his handbell twice again and viewed himself in the chalked mirror of the cabinet. Dilly Dedalus, loitering by the curbstone, heard the beats of the bell, the cries of the auctioneer within. Four and nine. Those lovely curtains. Five shillings. Cosy curtains. Selling new at two guineas. Any advance on five shillings? Going for five shillings. The lacquey lifted his handbell and shook it: —Barang! Bang of the lastlap bell spurred the halfmile wheelmen to their sprint. J. A. Jackson, W. E. Wylie, A. Munro and H. T. Gahan, their stretched necks wagging, negotiated the curve by the College library. Mr Dedalus, tugging a long moustache, came round from Williams's row. He halted near his daughter. —It's time for you, she said. —Stand up straight for the love of the lord Jesus, Mr Dedalus said. Are you trying to imitate your uncle John, the cornetplayer, head upon shoulder? Melancholy God! Dilly shrugged her shoulders. Mr Dedalus placed his hands on them and held them back. —Stand up straight, girl, he said. You'll get curvature of the spine. Do you know what you look like? He let his head sink suddenly down and forward, hunching his shoulders and dropping his underjaw. —Give it up, father, Dilly said. All the people are looking at you. Mr Dedalus drew himself upright and tugged again at his moustache. —Did you get any money? Dilly asked. —Where would I get money? Mr Dedalus said. There is no-one in Dublin would lend me fourpence. —You got some, Dilly said, looking in his eyes. —How do you know that? Mr Dedalus asked, his tongue in his cheek. Mr Kernan, pleased with the order he had booked, walked boldly along James's street. —I know you did, Dilly answered. Were you in the Scotch house now? —I was not, then, Mr Dedalus said, smiling. Was it the little nuns taught you to be so saucy? Here. He handed her a shilling. —See if you can do anything with that, he said. —I suppose you got five, Dilly said. Give me more than that. —Wait awhile, Mr Dedalus said threateningly. You're like the rest of them, are you? An insolent pack of little bitches since your poor mother died. But wait awhile. You'll all get a short shrift and a long day from me. Low blackguardism! I'm going to get rid of you. Wouldn't care if I was stretched out stiff. He's dead. The man upstairs is dead. He left her and walked on. Dilly followed quickly and pulled his coat. —Well, what is it? he said, stopping. The lacquey rang his bell behind their backs. —Barang! —Curse your bloody blatant soul, Mr Dedalus cried, turning on him. The lacquey, aware of comment, shook the lolling clapper of his bell but feebly: —Bang! Mr Dedalus stared at him. —Watch him, he said. It's instructive. I wonder will he allow us to talk. —You got more than that, father, Dilly said. —I'm going to show you a little trick, Mr Dedalus said. I'll leave you all where Jesus left the jews. Look, there's all I have. I got two shillings from Jack Power and I spent twopence for a shave for the funeral. He drew forth a handful of copper coins, nervously. —Can't you look for some money somewhere? Dilly said. Mr Dedalus thought and nodded. —I will, he said gravely. I looked all along the gutter in O'Connell street. I'll try this one now. —You're very funny, Dilly said, grinning. —Here, Mr Dedalus said, handing her two pennies. Get a glass of milk for yourself and a bun or a something. I'll be home shortly. He put the other coins in his pocket and started to walk on. The viceregal cavalcade passed, greeted by obsequious policemen, out of Parkgate. —I'm sure you have another shilling, Dilly said. The lacquey banged loudly. Mr Dedalus amid the din walked off, murmuring to himself with a pursing mincing mouth gently: —The little nuns! Nice little things! O, sure they wouldn't do anything! O, sure they wouldn't really! Is it little sister Monica! From the sundial towards James's gate walked Mr Kernan, pleased with the order he had booked for Pulbrook Robertson, boldly along James's street, past Shackleton's offices. Got round him all right. How do you do, Mr Crimmins? First rate, sir. I was afraid you might be up in your other establishment in Pimlico. How are things going? Just keeping alive. Lovely weather we're having. Yes, indeed. Good for the country. Those farmers are always grumbling. I'll just take a thimbleful of your best gin, Mr Crimmins. A small gin, sir. Yes, sir. Terrible affair that General Slocum explosion. Terrible, terrible! A thousand casualties. And heartrending scenes. Men trampling down women and children. Most brutal thing. What do they say was the cause? Spontaneous combustion. Most scandalous revelation. Not a single lifeboat would float and the firehose all burst. What I can't understand is how the inspectors ever allowed a boat like that... Now, you're talking straight, Mr Crimmins. You know why? Palm oil. Is that a fact? Without a doubt. Well now, look at that. And America they say is the land of the free. I thought we were bad here. I smiled at him. America, I said quietly, just like that. What is it? The sweepings of every country including our own. Isn't that true? That's a fact. Graft, my dear sir. Well, of course, where there's money going there's always someone to pick it up. Saw him looking at my frockcoat. Dress does it. Nothing like a dressy appearance. Bowls them over. —Hello, Simon, Father Cowley said. How are things? —Hello, Bob, old man, Mr Dedalus answered, stopping. Mr Kernan halted and preened himself before the sloping mirror of Peter Kennedy, hairdresser. Stylish coat, beyond a doubt. Scott of Dawson street. Well worth the half sovereign I gave Neary for it. Never built under three guineas. Fits me down to the ground. Some Kildare street club toff had it probably. John Mulligan, the manager of the Hibernian bank, gave me a very sharp eye yesterday on Carlisle bridge as if he remembered me. Aham! Must dress the character for those fellows. Knight of the road. Gentleman. And now, Mr Crimmins, may we have the honour of your custom again, sir. The cup that cheers but not inebriates, as the old saying has it. North wall and sir John Rogerson's quay, with hulls and anchorchains, sailing westward, sailed by a skiff, a crumpled throwaway, rocked on the ferrywash, Elijah is coming. Mr Kernan glanced in farewell at his image. High colour, of course. Grizzled moustache. Returned Indian officer. Bravely he bore his stumpy body forward on spatted feet, squaring his shoulders. Is that Ned Lambert's brother over the way, Sam? What? Yes. He's as like it as damn it. No. The windscreen of that motorcar in the sun there. Just a flash like that. Damn like him. Aham! Hot spirit of juniper juice warmed his vitals and his breath. Good drop of gin, that was. His frocktails winked in bright sunshine to his fat strut. Down there Emmet was hanged, drawn and quartered. Greasy black rope. Dogs licking the blood off the street when the lord lieutenant's wife drove by in her noddy. Bad times those were. Well, well. Over and done with. Great topers too. Fourbottle men. Let me see. Is he buried in saint Michan's? Or no, there was a midnight burial in Glasnevin. Corpse brought in through a secret door in the wall. Dignam is there now. Went out in a puff. Well, well. Better turn down here. Make a detour. Mr Kernan turned and walked down the slope of Watling street by the corner of Guinness's visitors' waitingroom. Outside the Dublin Distillers Company's stores an outside car without fare or jarvey stood, the reins knotted to the wheel. Damn dangerous thing. Some Tipperary bosthoon endangering the lives of the citizens. Runaway horse. Denis Breen with his tomes, weary of having waited an hour in John Henry Menton's office, led his wife over O'Connell bridge, bound for the office of Messrs Collis and Ward. Mr Kernan approached Island street. Times of the troubles. Must ask Ned Lambert to lend me those reminiscences of sir Jonah Barrington. When you look back on it all now in a kind of retrospective arrangement. Gaming at Daly's. No cardsharping then. One of those fellows got his hand nailed to the table by a dagger. Somewhere here lord Edward Fitzgerald escaped from major Sirr. Stables behind Moira house. Damn good gin that was. Fine dashing young nobleman. Good stock, of course. That ruffian, that sham squire, with his violet gloves gave him away. Course they were on the wrong side. They rose in dark and evil days. Fine poem that is: Ingram. They were gentlemen. Ben Dollard does sing that ballad touchingly. Masterly rendition. At the siege of Ross did my father fall. A cavalcade in easy trot along Pembroke quay passed, outriders leaping, leaping in their, in their saddles. Frockcoats. Cream sunshades. Mr Kernan hurried forward, blowing pursily. His Excellency! Too bad! Just missed that by a hair. Damn it! What a pity! Stephen Dedalus watched through the webbed window the lapidary's fingers prove a timedulled chain. Dust webbed the window and the showtrays. Dust darkened the toiling fingers with their vulture nails. Dust slept on dull coils of bronze and silver, lozenges of cinnabar, on rubies, leprous and winedark stones. Born all in the dark wormy earth, cold specks of fire, evil, lights shining in the darkness. Where fallen archangels flung the stars of their brows. Muddy swinesnouts, hands, root and root, gripe and wrest them. She dances in a foul gloom where gum bums with garlic. A sailorman, rustbearded, sips from a beaker rum and eyes her. A long and seafed silent rut. She dances, capers, wagging her sowish haunches and her hips, on her gross belly flapping a ruby egg. Old Russell with a smeared shammy rag burnished again his gem, turned it and held it at the point of his Moses' beard. Grandfather ape gloating on a stolen hoard. And you who wrest old images from the burial earth? The brainsick words of sophists: Antisthenes. A lore of drugs. Orient and immortal wheat standing from everlasting to everlasting. Two old women fresh from their whiff of the briny trudged through Irishtown along London bridge road, one with a sanded tired umbrella, one with a midwife's bag in which eleven cockles rolled. The whirr of flapping leathern bands and hum of dynamos from the powerhouse urged Stephen to be on. Beingless beings. Stop! Throb always without you and the throb always within. Your heart you sing of. I between them. Where? Between two roaring worlds where they swirl, I. Shatter them, one and both. But stun myself too in the blow. Shatter me you who can. Bawd and butcher were the words. I say! Not yet awhile. A look around. Yes, quite true. Very large and wonderful and keeps famous time. You say right, sir. A Monday morning, 'twas so, indeed. Stephen went down Bedford row, the handle of the ash clacking against his shoulderblade. In Clohissey's window a faded 1860 print of Heenan boxing Sayers held his eye. Staring backers with square hats stood round the roped prizering. The heavyweights in tight loincloths proposed gently each to other his bulbous fists. And they are throbbing: heroes' hearts. He turned and halted by the slanted bookcart. —Twopence each, the huckster said. Four for sixpence. Tattered pages. The Irish Beekeeper. Life and Miracles of the Curé of Ars. Pocket Guide to Killarney. I might find here one of my pawned schoolprizes. Stephano Dedalo, alumno optimo, palmam ferenti. Father Conmee, having read his little hours, walked through the hamlet of Donnycarney, murmuring vespers. Binding too good probably. What is this? Eighth and ninth book of Moses. Secret of all secrets. Seal of King David. Thumbed pages: read and read. Who has passed here before me? How to soften chapped hands. Recipe for white wine vinegar. How to win a woman's love. For me this. Say the following talisman three times with hands folded: — Se el yilo nebrakada femininum! Amor me solo! Sanktus! Amen. Who wrote this? Charms and invocations of the most blessed abbot Peter Salanka to all true believers divulged. As good as any other abbot's charms, as mumbling Joachim's. Down, baldynoddle, or we'll wool your wool. —What are you doing here, Stephen? Dilly's high shoulders and shabby dress. Shut the book quick. Don't let see. —What are you doing? Stephen said. A Stuart face of nonesuch Charles, lank locks falling at its sides. It glowed as she crouched feeding the fire with broken boots. I told her of Paris. Late lieabed under a quilt of old overcoats, fingering a pinchbeck bracelet, Dan Kelly's token. Nebrakada femininum. —What have you there? Stephen asked. —I bought it from the other cart for a penny, Dilly said, laughing nervously. Is it any good? My eyes they say she has. Do others see me so? Quick, far and daring. Shadow of my mind. He took the coverless book from her hand. Chardenal's French primer. —What did you buy that for? he asked. To learn French? She nodded, reddening and closing tight her lips. Show no surprise. Quite natural. —Here, Stephen said. It's all right. Mind Maggy doesn't pawn it on you. I suppose all my books are gone. —Some, Dilly said. We had to. She is drowning. Agenbite. Save her. Agenbite. All against us. She will drown me with her, eyes and hair. Lank coils of seaweed hair around me, my heart, my soul. Salt green death. We. Agenbite of inwit. Inwit's agenbite. Misery! Misery! —Hello, Simon, Father Cowley said. How are things? —Hello, Bob, old man, Mr Dedalus answered, stopping. They clasped hands loudly outside Reddy and Daughter's. Father Cowley brushed his moustache often downward with a scooping hand. —What's the best news? Mr Dedalus said. —Why then not much, Father Cowley said. I'm barricaded up, Simon, with two men prowling around the house trying to effect an entrance. —Jolly, Mr Dedalus said. Who is it? —O, Father Cowley said. A certain gombeen man of our acquaintance. —With a broken back, is it? Mr Dedalus asked. —The same, Simon, Father Cowley answered. Reuben of that ilk. I'm just waiting for Ben Dollard. He's going to say a word to long John to get him to take those two men off. All I want is a little time. He looked with vague hope up and down the quay, a big apple bulging in his neck. —I know, Mr Dedalus said, nodding. Poor old bockedy Ben! He's always doing a good turn for someone. Hold hard! He put on his glasses and gazed towards the metal bridge an instant. —There he is, by God, he said, arse and pockets. Ben Dollard's loose blue cutaway and square hat above large slops crossed the quay in full gait from the metal bridge. He came towards them at an amble, scratching actively behind his coattails. As he came near Mr Dedalus greeted: —Hold that fellow with the bad trousers. —Hold him now, Ben Dollard said. Mr Dedalus eyed with cold wandering scorn various points of Ben Dollard's figure. Then, turning to Father Cowley with a nod, he muttered sneeringly: —That's a pretty garment, isn't it, for a summer's day? —Why, God eternally curse your soul, Ben Dollard growled furiously, I threw out more clothes in my time than you ever saw. He stood beside them beaming, on them first and on his roomy clothes from points of which Mr Dedalus flicked fluff, saying: —They were made for a man in his health, Ben, anyhow. —Bad luck to the jewman that made them, Ben Dollard said. Thanks be to God he's not paid yet. —And how is that basso profondo , Benjamin? Father Cowley asked. Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell, murmuring, glassyeyed, strode past the Kildare street club. Ben Dollard frowned and, making suddenly a chanter's mouth, gave forth a deep note. —Aw! he said. —That's the style, Mr Dedalus said, nodding to its drone. —What about that? Ben Dollard said. Not too dusty? What? He turned to both. —That'll do, Father Cowley said, nodding also. The reverend Hugh C. Love walked from the old chapterhouse of saint Mary's abbey past James and Charles Kennedy's, rectifiers, attended by Geraldines tall and personable, towards the Tholsel beyond the ford of hurdles. Ben Dollard with a heavy list towards the shopfronts led them forward, his joyful fingers in the air. —Come along with me to the subsheriff's office, he said. I want to show you the new beauty Rock has for a bailiff. He's a cross between Lobengula and Lynchehaun. He's well worth seeing, mind you. Come along. I saw John Henry Menton casually in the Bodega just now and it will cost me a fall if I don't... Wait awhile... We're on the right lay, Bob, believe you me. —For a few days tell him, Father Cowley said anxiously. Ben Dollard halted and stared, his loud orifice open, a dangling button of his coat wagging brightbacked from its thread as he wiped away the heavy shraums that clogged his eyes to hear aright. —What few days? he boomed. Hasn't your landlord distrained for rent? —He has, Father Cowley said. —Then our friend's writ is not worth the paper it's printed on, Ben Dollard said. The landlord has the prior claim. I gave him all the particulars. 29 Windsor avenue. Love is the name? —That's right, Father Cowley said. The reverend Mr Love. He's a minister in the country somewhere. But are you sure of that? —You can tell Barabbas from me, Ben Dollard said, that he can put that writ where Jacko put the nuts. He led Father Cowley boldly forward, linked to his bulk. —Filberts I believe they were, Mr Dedalus said, as he dropped his glasses on his coatfront, following them. —The youngster will be all right, Martin Cunningham said, as they passed out of the Castleyard gate. The policeman touched his forehead. —God bless you, Martin Cunningham said, cheerily. He signed to the waiting jarvey who chucked at the reins and set on towards Lord Edward street. Bronze by gold, Miss Kennedy's head by Miss Douce's head, appeared above the crossblind of the Ormond hotel. —Yes, Martin Cunningham said, fingering his beard. I wrote to Father Conmee and laid the whole case before him. —You could try our friend, Mr Power suggested backward. —Boyd? Martin Cunningham said shortly. Touch me not. John Wyse Nolan, lagging behind, reading the list, came after them quickly down Cork hill. On the steps of the City hall Councillor Nannetti, descending, hailed Alderman Cowley and Councillor Abraham Lyon ascending. The castle car wheeled empty into upper Exchange street. —Look here, Martin, John Wyse Nolan said, overtaking them at the Mail office. I see Bloom put his name down for five shillings. —Quite right, Martin Cunningham said, taking the list. And put down the five shillings too. —Without a second word either, Mr Power said. —Strange but true, Martin Cunningham added. John Wyse Nolan opened wide eyes. —I'll say there is much kindness in the jew, he quoted, elegantly. They went down Parliament street. —There's Jimmy Henry, Mr Power said, just heading for Kavanagh's. —Righto, Martin Cunningham said. Here goes. Outside la Maison Claire Blazes Boylan waylaid Jack Mooney's brother-in-law, humpy, tight, making for the liberties. John Wyse Nolan fell back with Mr Power, while Martin Cunningham took the elbow of a dapper little man in a shower of hail suit, who walked uncertainly, with hasty steps past Micky Anderson's watches. —The assistant town clerk's corns are giving him some trouble, John Wyse Nolan told Mr Power. They followed round the corner towards James Kavanagh's winerooms. The empty castle car fronted them at rest in Essex gate. Martin Cunningham, speaking always, showed often the list at which Jimmy Henry did not glance. —And long John Fanning is here too, John Wyse Nolan said, as large as life. The tall form of long John Fanning filled the doorway where he stood. —Good day, Mr Subsheriff, Martin Cunningham said, as all halted and greeted. Long John Fanning made no way for them. He removed his large Henry Clay decisively and his large fierce eyes scowled intelligently over all their faces. —Are the conscript fathers pursuing their peaceful deliberations? he said with rich acrid utterance to the assistant town clerk. Hell open to christians they were having, Jimmy Henry said pettishly, about their damned Irish language. Where was the marshal, he wanted to know, to keep order in the council chamber. And old Barlow the macebearer laid up with asthma, no mace on the table, nothing in order, no quorum even, and Hutchinson, the lord mayor, in Llandudno and little Lorcan Sherlock doing locum tenens for him. Damned Irish language, language of our forefathers. Long John Fanning blew a plume of smoke from his lips. Martin Cunningham spoke by turns, twirling the peak of his beard, to the assistant town clerk and the subsheriff, while John Wyse Nolan held his peace. —What Dignam was that? long John Fanning asked. Jimmy Henry made a grimace and lifted his left foot. —O, my corns! he said plaintively. Come upstairs for goodness' sake till I sit down somewhere. Uff! Ooo! Mind! Testily he made room for himself beside long John Fanning's flank and passed in and up the stairs. —Come on up, Martin Cunningham said to the subsheriff. I don't think you knew him or perhaps you did, though. With John Wyse Nolan Mr Power followed them in. —Decent little soul he was, Mr Power said to the stalwart back of long John Fanning ascending towards long John Fanning in the mirror. —Rather lowsized. Dignam of Menton's office that was, Martin Cunningham said. Long John Fanning could not remember him. Clatter of horsehoofs sounded from the air. —What's that? Martin Cunningham said. All turned where they stood. John Wyse Nolan came down again. From the cool shadow of the doorway he saw the horses pass Parliament street, harness and glossy pasterns in sunlight shimmering. Gaily they went past before his cool unfriendly eyes, not quickly. In saddles of the leaders, leaping leaders, rode outriders. —What was it? Martin Cunningham asked, as they went on up the staircase. —The lord lieutenantgeneral and general governor of Ireland, John Wyse Nolan answered from the stairfoot. As they trod across the thick carpet Buck Mulligan whispered behind his Panama to Haines: —Parnell's brother. There in the corner. They chose a small table near the window, opposite a longfaced man whose beard and gaze hung intently down on a chessboard. —Is that he? Haines asked, twisting round in his seat. —Yes, Mulligan said. That's John Howard, his brother, our city marshal. John Howard Parnell translated a white bishop quietly and his grey claw went up again to his forehead whereat it rested. An instant after, under its screen, his eyes looked quickly, ghostbright, at his foe and fell once more upon a working corner. —I'll take a mélange, Haines said to the waitress. —Two mélanges, Buck Mulligan said. And bring us some scones and butter and some cakes as well. When she had gone he said, laughing: —We call it D.B.C. because they have damn bad cakes. O, but you missed Dedalus on Hamlet. Haines opened his newbought book. —I'm sorry, he said. Shakespeare is the happy huntingground of all minds that have lost their balance. The onelegged sailor growled at the area of 14 Nelson street: — England expects ... Buck Mulligan's primrose waistcoat shook gaily to his laughter. —You should see him, he said, when his body loses its balance. Wandering Aengus I call him. —I am sure he has an idée fixe, Haines said, pinching his chin thoughtfully with thumb and forefinger. Now I am speculating what it would be likely to be. Such persons always have. Buck Mulligan bent across the table gravely. —They drove his wits astray, he said, by visions of hell. He will never capture the Attic note. The note of Swinburne, of all poets, the white death and the ruddy birth. That is his tragedy. He can never be a poet. The joy of creation... —Eternal punishment, Haines said, nodding curtly. I see. I tackled him this morning on belief. There was something on his mind, I saw. It's rather interesting because professor Pokorny of Vienna makes an interesting point out of that. Buck Mulligan's watchful eyes saw the waitress come. He helped her to unload her tray. —He can find no trace of hell in ancient Irish myth, Haines said, amid the cheerful cups. The moral idea seems lacking, the sense of destiny, of retribution. Rather strange he should have just that fixed idea. Does he write anything for your movement? He sank two lumps of sugar deftly longwise through the whipped cream. Buck Mulligan slit a steaming scone in two and plastered butter over its smoking pith. He bit off a soft piece hungrily. —Ten years, he said, chewing and laughing. He is going to write something in ten years. —Seems a long way off, Haines said, thoughtfully lifting his spoon. Still, I shouldn't wonder if he did after all. He tasted a spoonful from the creamy cone of his cup. —This is real Irish cream I take it, he said with forbearance. I don't want to be imposed on. Elijah, skiff, light crumpled throwaway, sailed eastward by flanks of ships and trawlers, amid an archipelago of corks, beyond new Wapping street past Benson's ferry, and by the threemasted schooner Rosevean from Bridgwater with bricks. Almidano Artifoni walked past Holles street, past Sewell's yard. Behind him Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell, with stickumbrelladustcoat dangling, shunned the lamp before Mr Law Smith's house and, crossing, walked along Merrion square. Distantly behind him a blind stripling tapped his way by the wall of College park. Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell walked as far as Mr Lewis Werner's cheerful windows, then turned and strode back along Merrion square, his stickumbrelladustcoat dangling. At the corner of Wilde's house he halted, frowned at Elijah's name announced on the Metropolitan hall, frowned at the distant pleasance of duke's lawn. His eyeglass flashed frowning in the sun. With ratsteeth bared he muttered: — Coactus volui. He strode on for Clare street, grinding his fierce word. As he strode past Mr Bloom's dental windows the sway of his dustcoat brushed rudely from its angle a slender tapping cane and swept onwards, having buffeted a thewless body. The blind stripling turned his sickly face after the striding form. —God's curse on you, he said sourly, whoever you are! You're blinder nor I am, you bitch's bastard! Opposite Ruggy O'Donohoe's Master Patrick Aloysius Dignam, pawing the pound and a half of Mangan's, late Fehrenbach's, porksteaks he had been sent for, went along warm Wicklow street dawdling. It was too blooming dull sitting in the parlour with Mrs Stoer and Mrs Quigley and Mrs MacDowell and the blind down and they all at their sniffles and sipping sups of the superior tawny sherry uncle Barney brought from Tunney's. And they eating crumbs of the cottage fruitcake, jawing the whole blooming time and sighing. After Wicklow lane the window of Madame Doyle, courtdress milliner, stopped him. He stood looking in at the two puckers stripped to their pelts and putting up their props. From the sidemirrors two mourning Masters Dignam gaped silently. Myler Keogh, Dublin's pet lamb, will meet sergeantmajor Bennett, the Portobello bruiser, for a purse of fifty sovereigns. Gob, that'd be a good pucking match to see. Myler Keogh, that's the chap sparring out to him with the green sash. Two bar entrance, soldiers half price. I could easy do a bunk on ma. Master Dignam on his left turned as he turned. That's me in mourning. When is it? May the twentysecond. Sure, the blooming thing is all over. He turned to the right and on his right Master Dignam turned, his cap awry, his collar sticking up. Buttoning it down, his chin lifted, he saw the image of Marie Kendall, charming soubrette, beside the two puckers. One of them mots that do be in the packets of fags Stoer smokes that his old fellow welted hell out of him for one time he found out. Master Dignam got his collar down and dawdled on. The best pucker going for strength was Fitzsimons. One puck in the wind from that fellow would knock you into the middle of next week, man. But the best pucker for science was Jem Corbet before Fitzsimons knocked the stuffings out of him, dodging and all. In Grafton street Master Dignam saw a red flower in a toff's mouth and a swell pair of kicks on him and he listening to what the drunk was telling him and grinning all the time. No Sandymount tram. Master Dignam walked along Nassau street, shifted the porksteaks to his other hand. His collar sprang up again and he tugged it down. The blooming stud was too small for the buttonhole of the shirt, blooming end to it. He met schoolboys with satchels. I'm not going tomorrow either, stay away till Monday. He met other schoolboys. Do they notice I'm in mourning? Uncle Barney said he'd get it into the paper tonight. Then they'll all see it in the paper and read my name printed and pa's name. His face got all grey instead of being red like it was and there was a fly walking over it up to his eye. The scrunch that was when they were screwing the screws into the coffin: and the bumps when they were bringing it downstairs. Pa was inside it and ma crying in the parlour and uncle Barney telling the men how to get it round the bend. A big coffin it was, and high and heavylooking. How was that? The last night pa was boosed he was standing on the landing there bawling out for his boots to go out to Tunney's for to boose more and he looked butty and short in his shirt. Never see him again. Death, that is. Pa is dead. My father is dead. He told me to be a good son to ma. I couldn't hear the other things he said but I saw his tongue and his teeth trying to say it better. Poor pa. That was Mr Dignam, my father. I hope he's in purgatory now because he went to confession to Father Conroy on Saturday night. William Humble, earl of Dudley, and lady Dudley, accompanied by lieutenantcolonel Heseltine, drove out after luncheon from the viceregal lodge. In the following carriage were the honourable Mrs Paget, Miss de Courcy and the honourable Gerald Ward A.D.C. in attendance. The cavalcade passed out by the lower gate of Phoenix park saluted by obsequious policemen and proceeded past Kingsbridge along the northern quays. The viceroy was most cordially greeted on his way through the metropolis. At Bloody bridge Mr Thomas Kernan beyond the river greeted him vainly from afar Between Queen's and Whitworth bridges lord Dudley's viceregal carriages passed and were unsaluted by Mr Dudley White, B. L., M. A., who stood on Arran quay outside Mrs M. E. White's, the pawnbroker's, at the corner of Arran street west stroking his nose with his forefinger, undecided whether he should arrive at Phibsborough more quickly by a triple change of tram or by hailing a car or on foot through Smithfield, Constitution hill and Broadstone terminus. In the porch of Four Courts Richie Goulding with the costbag of Goulding, Collis and Ward saw him with surprise. Past Richmond bridge at the doorstep of the office of Reuben J Dodd, solicitor, agent for the Patriotic Insurance Company, an elderly female about to enter changed her plan and retracing her steps by King's windows smiled credulously on the representative of His Majesty. From its sluice in Wood quay wall under Tom Devan's office Poddle river hung out in fealty a tongue of liquid sewage. Above the crossblind of the Ormond hotel, gold by bronze, Miss Kennedy's head by Miss Douce's head watched and admired. On Ormond quay Mr Simon Dedalus, steering his way from the greenhouse for the subsheriff's office, stood still in midstreet and brought his hat low. His Excellency graciously returned Mr Dedalus' greeting. From Cahill's corner the reverend Hugh C. Love, M.A., made obeisance unperceived, mindful of lords deputies whose hands benignant had held of yore rich advowsons. On Grattan bridge Lenehan and M'Coy, taking leave of each other, watched the carriages go by. Passing by Roger Greene's office and Dollard's big red printinghouse Gerty MacDowell, carrying the Catesby's cork lino letters for her father who was laid up, knew by the style it was the lord and lady lieutenant but she couldn't see what Her Excellency had on because the tram and Spring's big yellow furniture van had to stop in front of her on account of its being the lord lieutenant. Beyond Lundy Foot's from the shaded door of Kavanagh's winerooms John Wyse Nolan smiled with unseen coldness towards the lord lieutenantgeneral and general governor of Ireland. The Right Honourable William Humble, earl of Dudley, G. C. V. O., passed Micky Anderson's all times ticking watches and Henry and James's wax smartsuited freshcheeked models, the gentleman Henry, dernier cri James. Over against Dame gate Tom Rochford and Nosey Flynn watched the approach of the cavalcade. Tom Rochford, seeing the eyes of lady Dudley fixed on him, took his thumbs quickly out of the pockets of his claret waistcoat and doffed his cap to her. A charming soubrette, great Marie Kendall, with dauby cheeks and lifted skirt smiled daubily from her poster upon William Humble, earl of Dudley, and upon lieutenantcolonel H. G. Heseltine, and also upon the honourable Gerald Ward A. D. C. From the window of the D. B. C. Buck Mulligan gaily, and Haines gravely, gazed down on the viceregal equipage over the shoulders of eager guests, whose mass of forms darkened the chessboard whereon John Howard Parnell looked intently. In Fownes's street Dilly Dedalus, straining her sight upward from Chardenal's first French primer, saw sunshades spanned and wheelspokes spinning in the glare. John Henry Menton, filling the doorway of Commercial Buildings, stared from winebig oyster eyes, holding a fat gold hunter watch not looked at in his fat left hand not feeling it. Where the foreleg of King Billy's horse pawed the air Mrs Breen plucked her hastening husband back from under the hoofs of the outriders. She shouted in his ear the tidings. Understanding, he shifted his tomes to his left breast and saluted the second carriage. The honourable Gerald Ward A.D.C., agreeably surprised, made haste to reply. At Ponsonby's corner a jaded white flagon H. halted and four tallhatted white flagons halted behind him, E.L.Y'S, while outriders pranced past and carriages. Opposite Pigott's music warerooms Mr Denis J Maginni, professor of dancing &c, gaily apparelled, gravely walked, outpassed by a viceroy and unobserved. By the provost's wall came jauntily Blazes Boylan, stepping in tan shoes and socks with skyblue clocks to the refrain of My girl's a Yorkshire girl. Blazes Boylan presented to the leaders' skyblue frontlets and high action a skyblue tie, a widebrimmed straw hat at a rakish angle and a suit of indigo serge. His hands in his jacket pockets forgot to salute but he offered to the three ladies the bold admiration of his eyes and the red flower between his lips. As they drove along Nassau street His Excellency drew the attention of his bowing consort to the programme of music which was being discoursed in College park. Unseen brazen highland laddies blared and drumthumped after the cortège : Thither of the wall the quartermile flat handicappers, M. C. Green, H. Shrift, T. M. Patey, C. Scaife, J. B. Jeffs, G. N. Morphy, F. Stevenson, C. Adderly and W. C. Huggard, started in pursuit. Striding past Finn's hotel Cashel Boyle O'Connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell stared through a fierce eyeglass across the carriages at the head of Mr M. E. Solomons in the window of the Austro-Hungarian viceconsulate. Deep in Leinster street by Trinity's postern a loyal king's man, Hornblower, touched his tallyho cap. As the glossy horses pranced by Merrion square Master Patrick Aloysius Dignam, waiting, saw salutes being given to the gent with the topper and raised also his new black cap with fingers greased by porksteak paper. His collar too sprang up. The viceroy, on his way to inaugurate the Mirus bazaar in aid of funds for Mercer's hospital, drove with his following towards Lower Mount street. He passed a blind stripling opposite Broadbent's. In Lower Mount street a pedestrian in a brown macintosh, eating dry bread, passed swiftly and unscathed across the viceroy's path. At the Royal Canal bridge, from his hoarding, Mr Eugene Stratton, his blub lips agrin, bade all comers welcome to Pembroke township. At Haddington road corner two sanded women halted themselves, an umbrella and a bag in which eleven cockles rolled to view with wonder the lord mayor and lady mayoress without his golden chain. On Northumberland and Lansdowne roads His Excellency acknowledged punctually salutes from rare male walkers, the salute of two small schoolboys at the garden gate of the house said to have been admired by the late queen when visiting the Irish capital with her husband, the prince consort, in 1849 and the salute of Almidano Artifoni's sturdy trousers swallowed by a closing door. Bronze by gold heard the hoofirons, steelyringing Imperthnthn thnthnthn. Chips, picking chips off rocky thumbnail, chips. Horrid! And gold flushed more. A husky fifenote blew. Blew. Blue bloom is on the. Goldpinnacled hair. A jumping rose on satiny breast of satin, rose of Castile. Trilling, trilling: Idolores. Peep! Who's in the... peepofgold? Tink cried to bronze in pity. And a call, pure, long and throbbing. Longindying call. Decoy. Soft word. But look: the bright stars fade. Notes chirruping answer. O rose! Castile. The morn is breaking. Jingle jingle jaunted jingling. Coin rang. Clock clacked. Avowal. Sonnez. I could. Rebound of garter. Not leave thee. Smack. La cloche! Thigh smack. Avowal. Warm. Sweetheart, goodbye! Jingle. Bloo. Boomed crashing chords. When love absorbs. War! War! The tympanum. A sail! A veil awave upon the waves. Lost. Throstle fluted. All is lost now. Horn. Hawhorn. When first he saw. Alas! Full tup. Full throb. Warbling. Ah, lure! Alluring. Martha! Come! Clapclap. Clipclap. Clappyclap. Goodgod henev erheard inall. Deaf bald Pat brought pad knife took up. A moonlit nightcall: far, far. I feel so sad. P. S. So lonely blooming. Listen! The spiked and winding cold seahorn. Have you the? Each, and for other, plash and silent roar. Pearls: when she. Liszt's rhapsodies. Hissss. You don't? Did not: no, no: believe: Lidlyd. With a cock with a carra. Black. Deepsounding. Do, Ben, do. Wait while you wait. Hee hee. Wait while you hee. But wait! Low in dark middle earth. Embedded ore. Naminedamine. Preacher is he: All gone. All fallen. Tiny, her tremulous fernfoils of maidenhair. Amen! He gnashed in fury. Fro. To, fro. A baton cool protruding. Bronzelydia by Minagold. By bronze, by gold, in oceangreen of shadow. Bloom. Old Bloom. One rapped, one tapped, with a carra, with a cock. Pray for him! Pray, good people! His gouty fingers nakkering. Big Benaben. Big Benben. Last rose Castile of summer left bloom I feel so sad alone. Pwee! Little wind piped wee. True men. Lid Ker Cow De and Doll. Ay, ay. Like you men. Will lift your tschink with tschunk. Fff! Oo! Where bronze from anear? Where gold from afar? Where hoofs? Rrrpr. Kraa. Kraandl. Then not till then. My eppripfftaph. Be pfrwritt. Done. Begin! Bronze by gold, miss Douce's head by miss Kennedy's head, over the crossblind of the Ormond bar heard the viceregal hoofs go by, ringing steel. —Is that her? asked miss Kennedy. Miss Douce said yes, sitting with his ex, pearl grey and eau de Nil. —Exquisite contrast, miss Kennedy said. When all agog miss Douce said eagerly: —Look at the fellow in the tall silk. —Who? Where? gold asked more eagerly. —In the second carriage, miss Douce's wet lips said, laughing in the sun. He's looking. Mind till I see. She darted, bronze, to the backmost corner, flattening her face against the pane in a halo of hurried breath. Her wet lips tittered: —He's killed looking back. She laughed: —O wept! Aren't men frightful idiots? With sadness. Miss Kennedy sauntered sadly from bright light, twining a loose hair behind an ear. Sauntering sadly, gold no more, she twisted twined a hair. Sadly she twined in sauntering gold hair behind a curving ear. —It's them has the fine times, sadly then she said. A man. Bloowho went by by Moulang's pipes bearing in his breast the sweets of sin, by Wine's antiques, in memory bearing sweet sinful words, by Carroll's dusky battered plate, for Raoul. The boots to them, them in the bar, them barmaids came. For them unheeding him he banged on the counter his tray of chattering china. And —There's your teas, he said. Miss Kennedy with manners transposed the teatray down to an upturned lithia crate, safe from eyes, low. —What is it? loud boots unmannerly asked. —Find out, miss Douce retorted, leaving her spyingpoint. —Your beau, is it? A haughty bronze replied: —I'll complain to Mrs de Massey on you if I hear any more of your impertinent insolence. —Imperthnthn thnthnthn, bootssnout sniffed rudely, as he retreated as she threatened as he had come. Bloom. On her flower frowning miss Douce said: —Most aggravating that young brat is. If he doesn't conduct himself I'll wring his ear for him a yard long. Ladylike in exquisite contrast. —Take no notice, miss Kennedy rejoined. She poured in a teacup tea, then back in the teapot tea. They cowered under their reef of counter, waiting on footstools, crates upturned, waiting for their teas to draw. They pawed their blouses, both of black satin, two and nine a yard, waiting for their teas to draw, and two and seven. Yes, bronze from anear, by gold from afar, heard steel from anear, hoofs ring from afar, and heard steelhoofs ringhoof ringsteel. —Am I awfully sunburnt? Miss bronze unbloused her neck. —No, said miss Kennedy. It gets brown after. Did you try the borax with the cherry laurel water? Miss Douce halfstood to see her skin askance in the barmirror gildedlettered where hock and claret glasses shimmered and in their midst a shell. —And leave it to my hands, she said. —Try it with the glycerine, miss Kennedy advised. Bidding her neck and hands adieu miss Douce —Those things only bring out a rash, replied, reseated. I asked that old fogey in Boyd's for something for my skin. Miss Kennedy, pouring now a fulldrawn tea, grimaced and prayed: —O, don't remind me of him for mercy' sake! —But wait till I tell you, miss Douce entreated. Sweet tea miss Kennedy having poured with milk plugged both two ears with little fingers. —No, don't, she cried. —I won't listen, she cried. But Bloom? Miss Douce grunted in snuffy fogey's tone: —For your what? says he. Miss Kennedy unplugged her ears to hear, to speak: but said, but prayed again: —Don't let me think of him or I'll expire. The hideous old wretch! That night in the Antient Concert Rooms. She sipped distastefully her brew, hot tea, a sip, sipped, sweet tea. —Here he was, miss Douce said, cocking her bronze head three quarters, ruffling her nosewings. Hufa! Hufa! Shrill shriek of laughter sprang from miss Kennedy's throat. Miss Douce huffed and snorted down her nostrils that quivered imperthnthn like a snout in quest. —O! shrieking, miss Kennedy cried. Will you ever forget his goggle eye? Miss Douce chimed in in deep bronze laughter, shouting: —And your other eye! Bloowhose dark eye read Aaron Figatner's name. Why do I always think Figather? Gathering figs, I think. And Prosper Lore's huguenot name. By Bassi's blessed virgins Bloom's dark eyes went by. Bluerobed, white under, come to me. God they believe she is: or goddess. Those today. I could not see. That fellow spoke. A student. After with Dedalus' son. He might be Mulligan. All comely virgins. That brings those rakes of fellows in: her white. By went his eyes. The sweets of sin. Sweet are the sweets. Of sin. In a giggling peal young goldbronze voices blended, Douce with Kennedy your other eye. They threw young heads back, bronze gigglegold, to let freefly their laughter, screaming, your other, signals to each other, high piercing notes. Ah, panting, sighing, sighing, ah, fordone, their mirth died down. Miss Kennedy lipped her cup again, raised, drank a sip and gigglegiggled. Miss Douce, bending over the teatray, ruffled again her nose and rolled droll fattened eyes. Again Kennygiggles, stooping, her fair pinnacles of hair, stooping, her tortoise napecomb showed, spluttered out of her mouth her tea, choking in tea and laughter, coughing with choking, crying: —O greasy eyes! Imagine being married to a man like that! she cried. With his bit of beard! Douce gave full vent to a splendid yell, a full yell of full woman, delight, joy, indignation. —Married to the greasy nose! she yelled. Shrill, with deep laughter, after, gold after bronze, they urged each each to peal after peal, ringing in changes, bronzegold, goldbronze, shrilldeep, to laughter after laughter. And then laughed more. Greasy I knows. Exhausted, breathless, their shaken heads they laid, braided and pinnacled by glossycombed, against the counterledge. All flushed (O!), panting, sweating (O!), all breathless. Married to Bloom, to greaseabloom. —O saints above! miss Douce said, sighed above her jumping rose. I wished I hadn't laughed so much. I feel all wet. —O, miss Douce! miss Kennedy protested. You horrid thing! And flushed yet more (you horrid!), more goldenly. By Cantwell's offices roved Greaseabloom, by Ceppi's virgins, bright of their oils. Nannetti's father hawked those things about, wheedling at doors as I. Religion pays. Must see him for that par. Eat first. I want. Not yet. At four, she said. Time ever passing. Clockhands turning. On. Where eat? The Clarence, Dolphin. On. For Raoul. Eat. If I net five guineas with those ads. The violet silk petticoats. Not yet. The sweets of sin. Flushed less, still less, goldenly paled. Into their bar strolled Mr Dedalus. Chips, picking chips off one of his rocky thumbnails. Chips. He strolled. —O, welcome back, miss Douce. He held her hand. Enjoyed her holidays? —Tiptop. He hoped she had nice weather in Rostrevor. —Gorgeous, she said. Look at the holy show I am. Lying out on the strand all day. Bronze whiteness. —That was exceedingly naughty of you, Mr Dedalus told her and pressed her hand indulgently. Tempting poor simple males. Miss Douce of satin douced her arm away. —O go away! she said. You're very simple, I don't think. He was. —Well now I am, he mused. I looked so simple in the cradle they christened me simple Simon. —You must have been a doaty, miss Douce made answer. And what did the doctor order today? —Well now, he mused, whatever you say yourself. I think I'll trouble you for some fresh water and a half glass of whisky. Jingle. —With the greatest alacrity, miss Douce agreed. With grace of alacrity towards the mirror gilt Cantrell and Cochrane's she turned herself. With grace she tapped a measure of gold whisky from her crystal keg. Forth from the skirt of his coat Mr Dedalus brought pouch and pipe. Alacrity she served. He blew through the flue two husky fifenotes. —By Jove, he mused, I often wanted to see the Mourne mountains. Must be a great tonic in the air down there. But a long threatening comes at last, they say. Yes. Yes. Yes. He fingered shreds of hair, her maidenhair, her mermaid's, into the bowl. Chips. Shreds. Musing. Mute. None nought said nothing. Yes. Gaily miss Douce polished a tumbler, trilling: — O, Idolores, queen of the eastern seas! —Was Mr Lidwell in today? In came Lenehan. Round him peered Lenehan. Mr Bloom reached Essex bridge. Yes, Mr Bloom crossed bridge of Yessex. To Martha I must write. Buy paper. Daly's. Girl there civil. Bloom. Old Bloom. Blue bloom is on the rye. —He was in at lunchtime, miss Douce said. Lenehan came forward. —Was Mr Boylan looking for me? He asked. She answered: —Miss Kennedy, was Mr Boylan in while I was upstairs? She asked. Miss voice of Kennedy answered, a second teacup poised, her gaze upon a page: —No. He was not. Miss gaze of Kennedy, heard, not seen, read on. Lenehan round the sandwichbell wound his round body round. —Peep! Who's in the corner? No glance of Kennedy rewarding him he yet made overtures. To mind her stops. To read only the black ones: round o and crooked ess. Jingle jaunty jingle. Girlgold she read and did not glance. Take no notice. She took no notice while he read by rote a solfa fable for her, plappering flatly: —Ah fox met ah stork. Said thee fox too thee stork: Will you put your bill down inn my troath and pull upp ah bone? He droned in vain. Miss Douce turned to her tea aside. He sighed aside: —Ah me! O my! He greeted Mr Dedalus and got a nod. —Greetings from the famous son of a famous father. —Who may he be? Mr Dedalus asked. Lenehan opened most genial arms. Who? —Who may he be? he asked. Can you ask? Stephen, the youthful bard. Dry. Mr Dedalus, famous father, laid by his dry filled pipe. —I see, he said. I didn't recognise him for the moment. I hear he is keeping very select company. Have you seen him lately? He had. —I quaffed the nectarbowl with him this very day, said Lenehan. In Mooney's en ville and in Mooney's sur mer. He had received the rhino for the labour of his muse. He smiled at bronze's teabathed lips, at listening lips and eyes: —The élite of Erin hung upon his lips. The ponderous pundit, Hugh MacHugh, Dublin's most brilliant scribe and editor and that minstrel boy of the wild wet west who is known by the euphonious appellation of the O'Madden Burke. After an interval Mr Dedalus raised his grog and —That must have been highly diverting, said he. I see. He see. He drank. With faraway mourning mountain eye. Set down his glass. He looked towards the saloon door. —I see you have moved the piano. —The tuner was in today, miss Douce replied, tuning it for the smoking concert and I never heard such an exquisite player. —Is that a fact? —Didn't he, miss Kennedy? The real classical, you know. And blind too, poor fellow. Not twenty I'm sure he was. —Is that a fact? Mr Dedalus said. He drank and strayed away. —So sad to look at his face, miss Douce condoled. God's curse on bitch's bastard. Tink to her pity cried a diner's bell. To the door of the bar and diningroom came bald Pat, came bothered Pat, came Pat, waiter of Ormond. Lager for diner. Lager without alacrity she served. With patience Lenehan waited for Boylan with impatience, for jinglejaunty blazes boy. Upholding the lid he (who?) gazed in the coffin (coffin?) at the oblique triple (piano!) wires. He pressed (the same who pressed indulgently her hand), soft pedalling, a triple of keys to see the thicknesses of felt advancing, to hear the muffled hammerfall in action. Two sheets cream vellum paper one reserve two envelopes when I was in Wisdom Hely's wise Bloom in Daly's Henry Flower bought. Are you not happy in your home? Flower to console me and a pin cuts lo. Means something, language of flow. Was it a daisy? Innocence that is. Respectable girl meet after mass. Thanks awfully muchly. Wise Bloom eyed on the door a poster, a swaying mermaid smoking mid nice waves. Smoke mermaids, coolest whiff of all. Hair streaming: lovelorn. For some man. For Raoul. He eyed and saw afar on Essex bridge a gay hat riding on a jaunting car. It is. Again. Third time. Coincidence. Jingling on supple rubbers it jaunted from the bridge to Ormond quay. Follow. Risk it. Go quick. At four. Near now. Out. —Twopence, sir, the shopgirl dared to say. —Aha... I was forgetting... Excuse... —And four. At four she. Winsomely she on Bloohimwhom smiled. Bloo smi qui go. Ternoon. Think you're the only pebble on the beach? Does that to all. For men. In drowsy silence gold bent on her page. From the saloon a call came, long in dying. That was a tuningfork the tuner had that he forgot that he now struck. A call again. That he now poised that it now throbbed. You hear? It throbbed, pure, purer, softly and softlier, its buzzing prongs. Longer in dying call. Pat paid for diner's popcorked bottle: and over tumbler, tray and popcorked bottle ere he went he whispered, bald and bothered, with miss Douce. — The bright stars fade ... A voiceless song sang from within, singing: —... the morn is breaking. A duodene of birdnotes chirruped bright treble answer under sensitive hands. Brightly the keys, all twinkling, linked, all harpsichording, called to a voice to sing the strain of dewy morn, of youth, of love's leavetaking, life's, love's morn. — The dewdrops pearl ... Lenehan's lips over the counter lisped a low whistle of decoy. —But look this way, he said, rose of Castile. Jingle jaunted by the curb and stopped. She rose and closed her reading, rose of Castile: fretted, forlorn, dreamily rose. —Did she fall or was she pushed? he asked her. She answered, slighting: —Ask no questions and you'll hear no lies. Like lady, ladylike. Blazes Boylan's smart tan shoes creaked on the barfloor where he strode. Yes, gold from anear by bronze from afar. Lenehan heard and knew and hailed him: —See the conquering hero comes. Between the car and window, warily walking, went Bloom, unconquered hero. See me he might. The seat he sat on: warm. Black wary hecat walked towards Richie Goulding's legal bag, lifted aloft, saluting. — And I from thee ... —I heard you were round, said Blazes Boylan. He touched to fair miss Kennedy a rim of his slanted straw. She smiled on him. But sister bronze outsmiled her, preening for him her richer hair, a bosom and a rose. Smart Boylan bespoke potions. —What's your cry? Glass of bitter? Glass of bitter, please, and a sloegin for me. Wire in yet? Not yet. At four she. Who said four? Cowley's red lugs and bulging apple in the door of the sheriff's office. Avoid. Goulding a chance. What is he doing in the Ormond? Car waiting. Wait. Hello. Where off to? Something to eat? I too was just. In here. What, Ormond? Best value in Dublin. Is that so? Diningroom. Sit tight there. See, not be seen. I think I'll join you. Come on. Richie led on. Bloom followed bag. Dinner fit for a prince. Miss Douce reached high to take a flagon, stretching her satin arm, her bust, that all but burst, so high. —O! O! jerked Lenehan, gasping at each stretch. O! But easily she seized her prey and led it low in triumph. —Why don't you grow? asked Blazes Boylan. Shebronze, dealing from her oblique jar thick syrupy liquor for his lips, looked as it flowed (flower in his coat: who gave him?), and syrupped with her voice: —Fine goods in small parcels. That is to say she. Neatly she poured slowsyrupy sloe. —Here's fortune, Blazes said. He pitched a broad coin down. Coin rang. —Hold on, said Lenehan, till I... —Fortune, he wished, lifting his bubbled ale. —Sceptre will win in a canter, he said. —I plunged a bit, said Boylan winking and drinking. Not on my own, you know. Fancy of a friend of mine. Lenehan still drank and grinned at his tilted ale and at miss Douce's lips that all but hummed, not shut, the oceansong her lips had trilled. Idolores. The eastern seas. Clock whirred. Miss Kennedy passed their way (flower, wonder who gave), bearing away teatray. Clock clacked. Miss Douce took Boylan's coin, struck boldly the cashregister. It clanged. Clock clacked. Fair one of Egypt teased and sorted in the till and hummed and handed coins in change. Look to the west. A clack. For me. —What time is that? asked Blazes Boylan. Four? O'clock. Lenehan, small eyes ahunger on her humming, bust ahumming, tugged Blazes Boylan's elbowsleeve. —Let's hear the time, he said. The bag of Goulding, Collis, Ward led Bloom by ryebloom flowered tables. Aimless he chose with agitated aim, bald Pat attending, a table near the door. Be near. At four. Has he forgotten? Perhaps a trick. Not come: whet appetite. I couldn't do. Wait, wait. Pat, waiter, waited. Sparkling bronze azure eyed Blazure's skyblue bow and eyes. —Go on, pressed Lenehan. There's no-one. He never heard. —... to Flora's lips did hie. High, a high note pealed in the treble clear. Bronzedouce communing with her rose that sank and rose sought Blazes Boylan's flower and eyes. —Please, please. He pleaded over returning phrases of avowal. — I could not leave thee ... —Afterwits, miss Douce promised coyly. —No, now, urged Lenehan. Sonnezlacloche! O do! There's no-one. She looked. Quick. Miss Kenn out of earshot. Sudden bent. Two kindling faces watched her bend. Quavering the chords strayed from the air, found it again, lost chord, and lost and found it, faltering. —Go on! Do! Sonnez! Bending, she nipped a peak of skirt above her knee. Delayed. Taunted them still, bending, suspending, with wilful eyes. —Sonnez! Smack. She set free sudden in rebound her nipped elastic garter smackwarm against her smackable a woman's warmhosed thigh. — La Cloche! cried gleeful Lenehan. Trained by owner. No sawdust there. She smilesmirked supercilious (wept! aren't men?), but, lightward gliding, mild she smiled on Boylan. —You're the essence of vulgarity, she in gliding said. Boylan, eyed, eyed. Tossed to fat lips his chalice, drank off his chalice tiny, sucking the last fat violet syrupy drops. His spellbound eyes went after, after her gliding head as it went down the bar by mirrors, gilded arch for ginger ale, hock and claret glasses shimmering, a spiky shell, where it concerted, mirrored, bronze with sunnier bronze. Yes, bronze from anearby. —... Sweetheart, goodbye! —I'm off, said Boylan with impatience. He slid his chalice brisk away, grasped his change. —Wait a shake, begged Lenehan, drinking quickly. I wanted to tell you. Tom Rochford... —Come on to blazes, said Blazes Boylan, going. Lenehan gulped to go. —Got the horn or what? he said. Wait. I'm coming. He followed the hasty creaking shoes but stood by nimbly by the threshold, saluting forms, a bulky with a slender. —How do you do, Mr Dollard? —Eh? How do? How do? Ben Dollard's vague bass answered, turning an instant from Father Cowley's woe. He won't give you any trouble, Bob. Alf Bergan will speak to the long fellow. We'll put a barleystraw in that Judas Iscariot's ear this time. Sighing Mr Dedalus came through the saloon, a finger soothing an eyelid. —Hoho, we will, Ben Dollard yodled jollily. Come on, Simon. Give us a ditty. We heard the piano. Bald Pat, bothered waiter, waited for drink orders. Power for Richie. And Bloom? Let me see. Not make him walk twice. His corns. Four now. How warm this black is. Course nerves a bit. Refracts (is it?) heat. Let me see. Cider. Yes, bottle of cider. —What's that? Mr Dedalus said. I was only vamping, man. —Come on, come on, Ben Dollard called. Begone dull care. Come, Bob. He ambled Dollard, bulky slops, before them (hold that fellow with the: hold him now) into the saloon. He plumped him Dollard on the stool. His gouty paws plumped chords. Plumped, stopped abrupt. Bald Pat in the doorway met tealess gold returning. Bothered, he wanted Power and cider. Bronze by the window, watched, bronze from afar. Jingle a tinkle jaunted. Bloom heard a jing, a little sound. He's off. Light sob of breath Bloom sighed on the silent bluehued flowers. Jingling. He's gone. Jingle. Hear. —Love and War, Ben, Mr Dedalus said. God be with old times. Miss Douce's brave eyes, unregarded, turned from the crossblind, smitten by sunlight. Gone. Pensive (who knows?), smitten (the smiting light), she lowered the dropblind with a sliding cord. She drew down pensive (why did he go so quick when I?) about her bronze, over the bar where bald stood by sister gold, inexquisite contrast, contrast inexquisite nonexquisite, slow cool dim seagreen sliding depth of shadow, eau de Nil. —Poor old Goodwin was the pianist that night, Father Cowley reminded them. There was a slight difference of opinion between himself and the Collard grand. There was. —A symposium all his own, Mr Dedalus said. The devil wouldn't stop him. He was a crotchety old fellow in the primary stage of drink. —God, do you remember? Ben bulky Dollard said, turning from the punished keyboard. And by Japers I had no wedding garment. They laughed all three. He had no wed. All trio laughed. No wedding garment. —Our friend Bloom turned in handy that night, Mr Dedalus said. Where's my pipe, by the way? He wandered back to the bar to the lost chord pipe. Bald Pat carried two diners' drinks, Richie and Poldy. And Father Cowley laughed again. —I saved the situation, Ben, I think. —You did, averred Ben Dollard. I remember those tight trousers too. That was a brilliant idea, Bob. Father Cowley blushed to his brilliant purply lobes. He saved the situa. Tight trou. Brilliant ide. —I knew he was on the rocks, he said. The wife was playing the piano in the coffee palace on Saturdays for a very trifling consideration and who was it gave me the wheeze she was doing the other business? Do you remember? We had to search all Holles street to find them till the chap in Keogh's gave us the number. Remember? Ben remembered, his broad visage wondering. —By God, she had some luxurious operacloaks and things there. Mr Dedalus wandered back, pipe in hand. —Merrion square style. Balldresses, by God, and court dresses. He wouldn't take any money either. What? Any God's quantity of cocked hats and boleros and trunkhose. What? —Ay, ay, Mr Dedalus nodded. Mrs Marion Bloom has left off clothes of all descriptions. Jingle jaunted down the quays. Blazes sprawled on bounding tyres. Liver and bacon. Steak and kidney pie. Right, sir. Right, Pat. Mrs Marion. Met him pike hoses. Smell of burn. Of Paul de Kock. Nice name he. —What's this her name was? A buxom lassy. Marion... —Tweedy. —Yes. Is she alive? —And kicking. —She was a daughter of... —Daughter of the regiment. —Yes, begad. I remember the old drummajor. Mr Dedalus struck, whizzed, lit, puffed savoury puff after —Irish? I don't know, faith. Is she, Simon? Puff after stiff, a puff, strong, savoury, crackling. —Buccinator muscle is... What?... Bit rusty... O, she is... My Irish Molly, O. He puffed a pungent plumy blast. —From the rock of Gibraltar... all the way. They pined in depth of ocean shadow, gold by the beerpull, bronze by maraschino, thoughtful all two. Mina Kennedy, 4 Lismore terrace, Drumcondra with Idolores, a queen, Dolores, silent. Pat served, uncovered dishes. Leopold cut liverslices. As said before he ate with relish the inner organs, nutty gizzards, fried cods' roes while Richie Goulding, Collis, Ward ate steak and kidney, steak then kidney, bite by bite of pie he ate Bloom ate they ate. Bloom with Goulding, married in silence, ate. Dinners fit for princes. By Bachelor's walk jogjaunty jingled Blazes Boylan, bachelor, in sun in heat, mare's glossy rump atrot, with flick of whip, on bounding tyres: sprawled, warmseated, Boylan impatience, ardentbold. Horn. Have you the? Horn. Have you the? Haw haw horn. Over their voices Dollard bassooned attack, booming over bombarding chords: — When love absorbs my ardent soul ... Roll of Bensoulbenjamin rolled to the quivery loveshivery roofpanes. —War! War! cried Father Cowley. You're the warrior. —So I am, Ben Warrior laughed. I was thinking of your landlord. Love or money. He stopped. He wagged huge beard, huge face over his blunder huge. —Sure, you'd burst the tympanum of her ear, man, Mr Dedalus said through smoke aroma, with an organ like yours. In bearded abundant laughter Dollard shook upon the keyboard. He would. —Not to mention another membrane, Father Cowley added. Half time, Ben. Amoroso ma non troppo. Let me there. Miss Kennedy served two gentlemen with tankards of cool stout. She passed a remark. It was indeed, first gentleman said, beautiful weather. They drank cool stout. Did she know where the lord lieutenant was going? And heard steelhoofs ringhoof ring. No, she couldn't say. But it would be in the paper. O, she need not trouble. No trouble. She waved about her outspread Independent, searching, the lord lieutenant, her pinnacles of hair slowmoving, lord lieuten. Too much trouble, first gentleman said. O, not in the least. Way he looked that. Lord lieutenant. Gold by bronze heard iron steel. In liver gravy Bloom mashed mashed potatoes. Love and War someone is. Ben Dollard's famous. Night he ran round to us to borrow a dress suit for that concert. Trousers tight as a drum on him. Musical porkers. Molly did laugh when he went out. Threw herself back across the bed, screaming, kicking. With all his belongings on show. O saints above, I'm drenched! O, the women in the front row! O, I never laughed so many! Well, of course that's what gives him the base barreltone. For instance eunuchs. Wonder who's playing. Nice touch. Must be Cowley. Musical. Knows whatever note you play. Bad breath he has, poor chap. Stopped. Miss Douce, engaging, Lydia Douce, bowed to suave solicitor, George Lidwell, gentleman, entering. Good afternoon. She gave her moist (a lady's) hand to his firm clasp. Afternoon. Yes, she was back. To the old dingdong again. —Your friends are inside, Mr Lidwell. George Lidwell, suave, solicited, held a lydiahand. Bloom ate liv as said before. Clean here at least. That chap in the Burton, gummy with gristle. No-one here: Goulding and I. Clean tables, flowers, mitres of napkins. Pat to and fro. Bald Pat. Nothing to do. Best value in Dub. Piano again. Cowley it is. Way he sits in to it, like one together, mutual understanding. Tiresome shapers scraping fiddles, eye on the bowend, sawing the cello, remind you of toothache. Her high long snore. Night we were in the box. Trombone under blowing like a grampus, between the acts, other brass chap unscrewing, emptying spittle. Conductor's legs too, bagstrousers, jiggedy jiggedy. Do right to hide them. Jiggedy jingle jaunty jaunty. Only the harp. Lovely. Gold glowering light. Girl touched it. Poop of a lovely. Gravy's rather good fit for a. Golden ship. Erin. The harp that once or twice. Cool hands. Ben Howth, the rhododendrons. We are their harps. I. He. Old. Young. —Ah, I couldn't, man, Mr Dedalus said, shy, listless. Strongly. —Go on, blast you! Ben Dollard growled. Get it out in bits. — M'appari, Simon, Father Cowley said. Down stage he strode some paces, grave, tall in affliction, his long arms outheld. Hoarsely the apple of his throat hoarsed softly. Softly he sang to a dusty seascape there: A Last Farewell. A headland, a ship, a sail upon the billows. Farewell. A lovely girl, her veil awave upon the wind upon the headland, wind around her. Cowley sang: She waved, unhearing Cowley, her veil, to one departing, dear one, to wind, love, speeding sail, return. —Go on, Simon. —Ah, sure, my dancing days are done, Ben... Well... Mr Dedalus laid his pipe to rest beside the tuningfork and, sitting, touched the obedient keys. —No, Simon, Father Cowley turned. Play it in the original. One flat. The keys, obedient, rose higher, told, faltered, confessed, confused. Up stage strode Father Cowley. —Here, Simon, I'll accompany you, he said. Get up. By Graham Lemon's pineapple rock, by Elvery's elephant jingly jogged. Steak, kidney, liver, mashed, at meat fit for princes sat princes Bloom and Goulding. Princes at meat they raised and drank, Power and cider. Most beautiful tenor air ever written, Richie said: Sonnambula. He heard Joe Maas sing that one night. Ah, what M'Guckin! Yes. In his way. Choirboy style. Maas was the boy. Massboy. A lyrical tenor if you like. Never forget it. Never. Tenderly Bloom over liverless bacon saw the tightened features strain. Backache he. Bright's bright eye. Next item on the programme. Paying the piper. Pills, pounded bread, worth a guinea a box. Stave it off awhile. Sings too: Down among the dead men. Appropriate. Kidney pie. Sweets to the. Not making much hand of it. Best value in. Characteristic of him. Power. Particular about his drink. Flaw in the glass, fresh Vartry water. Fecking matches from counters to save. Then squander a sovereign in dribs and drabs. And when he's wanted not a farthing. Screwed refusing to pay his fare. Curious types. Never would Richie forget that night. As long as he lived: never. In the gods of the old Royal with little Peake. And when the first note. Speech paused on Richie's lips. Coming out with a whopper now. Rhapsodies about damn all. Believes his own lies. Does really. Wonderful liar. But want a good memory. —Which air is that? asked Leopold Bloom. — All is lost now . Richie cocked his lips apout. A low incipient note sweet banshee murmured: all. A thrush. A throstle. His breath, birdsweet, good teeth he's proud of, fluted with plaintive woe. Is lost. Rich sound. Two notes in one there. Blackbird I heard in the hawthorn valley. Taking my motives he twined and turned them. All most too new call is lost in all. Echo. How sweet the answer. How is that done? All lost now. Mournful he whistled. Fall, surrender, lost. Bloom bent leopold ear, turning a fringe of doyley down under the vase. Order. Yes, I remember. Lovely air. In sleep she went to him. Innocence in the moon. Brave. Don't know their danger. Still hold her back. Call name. Touch water. Jingle jaunty. Too late. She longed to go. That's why. Woman. As easy stop the sea. Yes: all is lost. —A beautiful air, said Bloom lost Leopold. I know it well. Never in all his life had Richie Goulding. He knows it well too. Or he feels. Still harping on his daughter. Wise child that knows her father, Dedalus said. Me? Bloom askance over liverless saw. Face of the all is lost. Rollicking Richie once. Jokes old stale now. Wagging his ear. Napkinring in his eye. Now begging letters he sends his son with. Crosseyed Walter sir I did sir. Wouldn't trouble only I was expecting some money. Apologise. Piano again. Sounds better than last time I heard. Tuned probably. Stopped again. Dollard and Cowley still urged the lingering singer out with it. —With it, Simon. —It, Simon. —Ladies and gentlemen, I am most deeply obliged by your kind solicitations. —It, Simon. —I have no money but if you will lend me your attention I shall endeavour to sing to you of a heart bowed down. By the sandwichbell in screening shadow Lydia, her bronze and rose, a lady's grace, gave and withheld: as in cool glaucous eau de Nil Mina to tankards two her pinnacles of gold. The harping chords of prelude closed. A chord, longdrawn, expectant, drew a voice away. — When first I saw that form endearing ... Richie turned. —Si Dedalus' voice, he said. Braintipped, cheek touched with flame, they listened feeling that flow endearing flow over skin limbs human heart soul spine. Bloom signed to Pat, bald Pat is a waiter hard of hearing, to set ajar the door of the bar. The door of the bar. So. That will do. Pat, waiter, waited, waiting to hear, for he was hard of hear by the door. — Sorrow from me seemed to depart. Through the hush of air a voice sang to them, low, not rain, not leaves in murmur, like no voice of strings or reeds or whatdoyoucallthem dulcimers touching their still ears with words, still hearts of their each his remembered lives. Good, good to hear: sorrow from them each seemed to from both depart when first they heard. When first they saw, lost Richie Poldy, mercy of beauty, heard from a person wouldn't expect it in the least, her first merciful lovesoft oftloved word. Love that is singing: love's old sweet song. Bloom unwound slowly the elastic band of his packet. Love's old sweet sonnez la gold. Bloom wound a skein round four forkfingers, stretched it, relaxed, and wound it round his troubled double, fourfold, in octave, gyved them fast. — Full of hope and all delighted ... Tenors get women by the score. Increase their flow. Throw flower at his feet. When will we meet? My head it simply. Jingle all delighted. He can't sing for tall hats. Your head it simply swurls. Perfumed for him. What perfume does your wife? I want to know. Jing. Stop. Knock. Last look at mirror always before she answers the door. The hall. There? How do you? I do well. There? What? Or? Phial of cachous, kissing comfits, in her satchel. Yes? Hands felt for the opulent. Alas the voice rose, sighing, changed: loud, full, shining, proud. — But alas, 'twas idle dreaming ... Glorious tone he has still. Cork air softer also their brogue. Silly man! Could have made oceans of money. Singing wrong words. Wore out his wife: now sings. But hard to tell. Only the two themselves. If he doesn't break down. Keep a trot for the avenue. His hands and feet sing too. Drink. Nerves overstrung. Must be abstemious to sing. Jenny Lind soup: stock, sage, raw eggs, half pint of cream. For creamy dreamy. Tenderness it welled: slow, swelling, full it throbbed. That's the chat. Ha, give! Take! Throb, a throb, a pulsing proud erect. Words? Music? No: it's what's behind. Bloom looped, unlooped, noded, disnoded. Bloom. Flood of warm jamjam lickitup secretness flowed to flow in music out, in desire, dark to lick flow invading. Tipping her tepping her tapping her topping her. Tup. Pores to dilate dilating. Tup. The joy the feel the warm the. Tup. To pour o'er sluices pouring gushes. Flood, gush, flow, joygush, tupthrob. Now! Language of love. —... ray of hope is ... Beaming. Lydia for Lidwell squeak scarcely hear so ladylike the muse unsqueaked a ray of hopk. Martha it is. Coincidence. Just going to write. Lionel's song. Lovely name you have. Can't write. Accept my little pres. Play on her heartstrings pursestrings too. She's a. I called you naughty boy. Still the name: Martha. How strange! Today. The voice of Lionel returned, weaker but unwearied. It sang again to Richie Poldy Lydia Lidwell also sang to Pat open mouth ear waiting to wait. How first he saw that form endearing, how sorrow seemed to part, how look, form, word charmed him Gould Lidwell, won Pat Bloom's heart. Wish I could see his face, though. Explain better. Why the barber in Drago's always looked my face when I spoke his face in the glass. Still hear it better here than in the bar though farther. — Each graceful look ... First night when first I saw her at Mat Dillon's in Terenure. Yellow, black lace she wore. Musical chairs. We two the last. Fate. After her. Fate. Round and round slow. Quick round. We two. All looked. Halt. Down she sat. All ousted looked. Lips laughing. Yellow knees. — Charmed my eye ... Singing. Waiting she sang. I turned her music. Full voice of perfume of what perfume does your lilactrees. Bosom I saw, both full, throat warbling. First I saw. She thanked me. Why did she me? Fate. Spanishy eyes. Under a peartree alone patio this hour in old Madrid one side in shadow Dolores shedolores. At me. Luring. Ah, alluring. — Martha! Ah, Martha! Quitting all languor Lionel cried in grief, in cry of passion dominant to love to return with deepening yet with rising chords of harmony. In cry of lionel loneliness that she should know, must martha feel. For only her he waited. Where? Here there try there here all try where. Somewhere. Alone. One love. One hope. One comfort me. Martha, chestnote, return! —Come! It soared, a bird, it held its flight, a swift pure cry, soar silver orb it leaped serene, speeding, sustained, to come, don't spin it out too long long breath he breath long life, soaring high, high resplendent, aflame, crowned, high in the effulgence symbolistic, high, of the etherial bosom, high, of the high vast irradiation everywhere all soaring all around about the all, the endlessnessnessness... — To me! Siopold! Consumed. Come. Well sung. All clapped. She ought to. Come. To me, to him, to her, you too, me, us. —Bravo! Clapclap. Good man, Simon. Clappyclapclap. Encore! Clapclipclap clap. Sound as a bell. Bravo, Simon! Clapclopclap. Encore, enclap, said, cried, clapped all, Ben Dollard, Lydia Douce, George Lidwell, Pat, Mina Kennedy, two gentlemen with two tankards, Cowley, first gent with tank and bronze miss Douce and gold MJiss Mina. Blazes Boylan's smart tan shoes creaked on the barfloor, said before. Jingle by monuments of sir John Gray, Horatio onehandled Nelson, reverend father Theobald Mathew, jaunted, as said before just now. Atrot, in heat, heatseated. Cloche. Sonnez la. Cloche. Sonnez la. Slower the mare went up the hill by the Rotunda, Rutland square. Too slow for Boylan, blazes Boylan, impatience Boylan, joggled the mare. An afterclang of Cowley's chords closed, died on the air made richer. And Richie Goulding drank his Power and Leopold Bloom his cider drank, Lidwell his Guinness, second gentleman said they would partake of two more tankards if she did not mind. Miss Kennedy smirked, disserving, coral lips, at first, at second. She did not mind. —Seven days in jail, Ben Dollard said, on bread and water. Then you'd sing, Simon, like a garden thrush. Lionel Simon, singer, laughed. Father Bob Cowley played. Mina Kennedy served. Second gentleman paid. Tom Kernan strutted in. Lydia, admired, admired. But Bloom sang dumb. Admiring. Richie, admiring, descanted on that man's glorious voice. He remembered one night long ago. Never forget that night. Si sang 'Twas rank and fame : in Ned Lambert's 'twas. Good God he never heard in all his life a note like that he never did then false one we had better part so clear so God he never heard since love lives not a clinking voice lives not ask Lambert he can tell you too. Goulding, a flush struggling in his pale, told Mr Bloom, face of the night, Si in Ned Lambert's, Dedalus house, sang 'Twas rank and fame. He, Mr Bloom, listened while he, Richie Goulding, told him, Mr Bloom, of the night he, Richie, heard him, Si Dedalus, sing 'TWAS RANK AND FAME in his, Ned Lambert's, house. Brothers-in-law: relations. We never speak as we pass by. Rift in the lute I think. Treats him with scorn. See. He admires him all the more. The night Si sang. The human voice, two tiny silky chords, wonderful, more than all others. That voice was a lamentation. Calmer now. It's in the silence after you feel you hear. Vibrations. Now silent air. Bloom ungyved his crisscrossed hands and with slack fingers plucked the slender catgut thong. He drew and plucked. It buzz, it twanged. While Goulding talked of Barraclough's voice production, while Tom Kernan, harking back in a retrospective sort of arrangement talked to listening Father Cowley, who played a voluntary, who nodded as he played. While big Ben Dollard talked with Simon Dedalus, lighting, who nodded as he smoked, who smoked. Thou lost one. All songs on that theme. Yet more Bloom stretched his string. Cruel it seems. Let people get fond of each other: lure them on. Then tear asunder. Death. Explos. Knock on the head. Outtohelloutofthat. Human life. Dignam. Ugh, that rat's tail wriggling! Five bob I gave. Corpus paradisum. Corncrake croaker: belly like a poisoned pup. Gone. They sing. Forgotten. I too; And one day she with. Leave her: get tired. Suffer then. Snivel. Big spanishy eyes goggling at nothing. Her wavyavyeavyheavyeavyevyevyhair un comb:'d. Yet too much happy bores. He stretched more, more. Are you not happy in your? Twang. It snapped. Jingle into Dorset street. Miss Douce withdrew her satiny arm, reproachful, pleased. —Don't make half so free, said she, till we are better acquainted. George Lidwell told her really and truly: but she did not believe. First gentleman told Mina that was so. She asked him was that so. And second tankard told her so. That that was so. Miss Douce, miss Lydia, did not believe: miss Kennedy, Mina, did not believe: George Lidwell, no: miss Dou did not: the first, the first: gent with the tank: believe, no, no: did not, miss Kenn: Lidlydiawell: the tank. Better write it here. Quills in the postoffice chewed and twisted. Bald Pat at a sign drew nigh. A pen and ink. He went. A pad. He went. A pad to blot. He heard, deaf Pat. —Yes, Mr Bloom said, teasing the curling catgut line. It certainly is. Few lines will do. My present. All that Italian florid music is. Who is this wrote? Know the name you know better. Take out sheet notepaper, envelope: unconcerned. It's so characteristic. —Grandest number in the whole opera, Goulding said. —It is, Bloom said. Numbers it is. All music when you come to think. Two multiplied by two divided by half is twice one. Vibrations: chords those are. One plus two plus six is seven. Do anything you like with figures juggling. Always find out this equal to that. Symmetry under a cemetery wall. He doesn't see my mourning. Callous: all for his own gut. Musemathematics. And you think you're listening to the etherial. But suppose you said it like: Martha, seven times nine minus x is thirtyfive thousand. Fall quite flat. It's on account of the sounds it is. Instance he's playing now. Improvising. Might be what you like, till you hear the words. Want to listen sharp. Hard. Begin all right: then hear chords a bit off: feel lost a bit. In and out of sacks, over barrels, through wirefences, obstacle race. Time makes the tune. Question of mood you're in. Still always nice to hear. Except scales up and down, girls learning. Two together nextdoor neighbours. Ought to invent dummy pianos for that. Blumenlied I bought for her. The name. Playing it slow, a girl, night I came home, the girl. Door of the stables near Cecilia street. Milly no taste. Queer because we both, I mean. Bald deaf Pat brought quite flat pad ink. Pat set with ink pen quite flat pad. Pat took plate dish knife fork. Pat went. It was the only language Mr Dedalus said to Ben. He heard them as a boy in Ringabella, Crosshaven, Ringabella, singing their barcaroles. Queenstown harbour full of Italian ships. Walking, you know, Ben, in the moonlight with those earthquake hats. Blending their voices. God, such music, Ben. Heard as a boy. Cross Ringabella haven mooncarole. Sour pipe removed he held a shield of hand beside his lips that cooed a moonlight nightcall, clear from anear, a call from afar, replying. Down the edge of his Freeman baton ranged Bloom's, your other eye, scanning for where did I see that. Callan, Coleman, Dignam Patrick. Heigho! Heigho! Fawcett. Aha! Just I was looking... Hope he's not looking, cute as a rat. He held unfurled his Freeman. Can't see now. Remember write Greek ees. Bloom dipped, Bloo mur: dear sir. Dear Henry wrote: dear Mady. Got your lett and flow. Hell did I put? Some pock or oth. It is utterl imposs. Underline imposs. To write today. Bore this. Bored Bloom tambourined gently with I am just reflecting fingers on flat pad Pat brought. On. Know what I mean. No, change that ee. Accep my poor litt pres enclos. Ask her no answ. Hold on. Five Dig. Two about here. Penny the gulls. Elijah is com. Seven Davy Byrne's. Is eight about. Say half a crown. My poor little pres: p. o. two and six. Write me a long. Do you despise? Jingle, have you the? So excited. Why do you call me naught? You naughty too? O, Mairy lost the string of her. Bye for today. Yes, yes, will tell you. Want to. To keep it up. Call me that other. Other world she wrote. My patience are exhaust. To keep it up. You must believe. Believe. The tank. It. Is. True. Folly am I writing? Husbands don't. That's marriage does, their wives. Because I'm away from. Suppose. But how? She must. Keep young. If she found out. Card in my high grade ha. No, not tell all. Useless pain. If they don't see. Woman. Sauce for the gander. A hackney car, number three hundred and twentyfour, driver Barton James of number one Harmony avenue, Donnybrook, on which sat a fare, a young gentleman, stylishly dressed in an indigoblue serge suit made by George Robert Mesias, tailor and cutter, of number five Eden quay, and wearing a straw hat very dressy, bought of John Plasto of number one Great Brunswick street, hatter. Eh? This is the jingle that joggled and jingled. By Dlugacz' porkshop bright tubes of Agendath trotted a gallantbuttocked mare. —Answering an ad? keen Richie's eyes asked Bloom. —Yes, Mr Bloom said. Town traveller. Nothing doing, I expect. Bloom mur: best references. But Henry wrote: it will excite me. You know how. In haste. Henry. Greek ee. Better add postscript. What is he playing now? Improvising. Intermezzo. P. S. The rum tum tum. How will you pun? You punish me? Crooked skirt swinging, whack by. Tell me I want to. Know. O. Course if I didn't I wouldn't ask. La la la ree. Trails off there sad in minor. Why minor sad? Sign H. They like sad tail at end. P. P. S. La la la ree. I feel so sad today. La ree. So lonely. Dee. He blotted quick on pad of Pat. Envel. Address. Just copy out of paper. Murmured: Messrs Callan, Coleman and Co, limited. Henry wrote: Miss Martha Clifford c/o P. O. Dolphin's Barn Lane Dublin Blot over the other so he can't read. There. Right. Idea prize titbit. Something detective read off blottingpad. Payment at the rate of guinea per col. Matcham often thinks the laughing witch. Poor Mrs Purefoy. U. P: up. Too poetical that about the sad. Music did that. Music hath charms. Shakespeare said. Quotations every day in the year. To be or not to be. Wisdom while you wait. In Gerard's rosery of Fetter lane he walks, greyedauburn. One life is all. One body. Do. But do. Done anyhow. Postal order, stamp. Postoffice lower down. Walk now. Enough. Barney Kiernan's I promised to meet them. Dislike that job. House of mourning. Walk. Pat! Doesn't hear. Deaf beetle he is. Car near there now. Talk. Talk. Pat! Doesn't. Settling those napkins. Lot of ground he must cover in the day. Paint face behind on him then he'd be two. Wish they'd sing more. Keep my mind off. Bald Pat who is bothered mitred the napkins. Pat is a waiter hard of his hearing. Pat is a waiter who waits while you wait. Hee hee hee hee. He waits while you wait. Hee hee. A waiter is he. Hee hee hee hee. He waits while you wait. While you wait if you wait he will wait while you wait. Hee hee hee hee. Hoh. Wait while you wait. Douce now. Douce Lydia. Bronze and rose. She had a gorgeous, simply gorgeous, time. And look at the lovely shell she brought. To the end of the bar to him she bore lightly the spiked and winding seahorn that he, George Lidwell, solicitor, might hear. —Listen! she bade him. Under Tom Kernan's ginhot words the accompanist wove music slow. Authentic fact. How Walter Bapty lost his voice. Well, sir, the husband took him by the throat. Scoundrel, said he, You'll sing no more lovesongs. He did, faith, sir Tom. Bob Cowley wove. Tenors get wom. Cowley lay back. Ah, now he heard, she holding it to his ear. Hear! He heard. Wonderful. She held it to her own. And through the sifted light pale gold in contrast glided. To hear. Tap. Bloom through the bardoor saw a shell held at their ears. He heard more faintly that that they heard, each for herself alone, then each for other, hearing the plash of waves, loudly, a silent roar. Bronze by a weary gold, anear, afar, they listened. Her ear too is a shell, the peeping lobe there. Been to the seaside. Lovely seaside girls. Skin tanned raw. Should have put on coldcream first make it brown. Buttered toast. O and that lotion mustn't forget. Fever near her mouth. Your head it simply. Hair braided over: shell with seaweed. Why do they hide their ears with seaweed hair? And Turks the mouth, why? Her eyes over the sheet. Yashmak. Find the way in. A cave. No admittance except on business. The sea they think they hear. Singing. A roar. The blood it is. Souse in the ear sometimes. Well, it's a sea. Corpuscle islands. Wonderful really. So distinct. Again. George Lidwell held its murmur, hearing: then laid it by, gently. —What are the wild waves saying? he asked her, smiled. Charming, seasmiling and unanswering Lydia on Lidwell smiled. Tap. By Larry O'Rourke's, by Larry, bold Larry O', Boylan swayed and Boylan turned. From the forsaken shell miss Mina glided to her tankards waiting. No, she was not so lonely archly miss Douce's head let Mr Lidwell know. Walks in the moonlight by the sea. No, not alone. With whom? She nobly answered: with a gentleman friend. Bob Cowley's twinkling fingers in the treble played again. The landlord has the prior. A little time. Long John. Big Ben. Lightly he played a light bright tinkling measure for tripping ladies, arch and smiling, and for their gallants, gentlemen friends. One: one, one, one, one, one: two, one, three, four. Sea, wind, leaves, thunder, waters, cows lowing, the cattlemarket, cocks, hens don't crow, snakes hissss. There's music everywhere. Ruttledge's door: ee creaking. No, that's noise. Minuet of Don Giovanni he's playing now. Court dresses of all descriptions in castle chambers dancing. Misery. Peasants outside. Green starving faces eating dockleaves. Nice that is. Look: look, look, look, look, look: you look at us. That's joyful I can feel. Never have written it. Why? My joy is other joy. But both are joys. Yes, joy it must be. Mere fact of music shows you are. Often thought she was in the dumps till she began to lilt. Then know. M'Coy valise. My wife and your wife. Squealing cat. Like tearing silk. Tongue when she talks like the clapper of a bellows. They can't manage men's intervals. Gap in their voices too. Fill me. I'm warm, dark, open. Molly in quis est homo : Mercadante. My ear against the wall to hear. Want a woman who can deliver the goods. Jog jig jogged stopped. Dandy tan shoe of dandy Boylan socks skyblue clocks came light to earth. O, look we are so! Chamber music. Could make a kind of pun on that. It is a kind of music I often thought when she. Acoustics that is. Tinkling. Empty vessels make most noise. Because the acoustics, the resonance changes according as the weight of the water is equal to the law of falling water. Like those rhapsodies of Liszt's, Hungarian, gipsyeyed. Pearls. Drops. Rain. Diddleiddle addleaddle ooddleooddle. Hissss. Now. Maybe now. Before. One rapped on a door, one tapped with a knock, did he knock Paul de Kock with a loud proud knocker with a cock carracarracarra cock. Cockcock. Tap. — Qui sdegno, Ben, said Father Cowley. —No, Ben, Tom Kernan interfered. The Croppy Boy. Our native Doric. —Ay do, Ben, Mr Dedalus said. Good men and true. —Do, do, they begged in one. I'll go. Here, Pat, return. Come. He came, he came, he did not stay. To me. How much? —What key? Six sharps? —F sharp major, Ben Dollard said. Bob Cowley's outstretched talons griped the black deepsounding chords. Must go prince Bloom told Richie prince. No, Richie said. Yes, must. Got money somewhere. He's on for a razzle backache spree. Much? He seehears lipspeech. One and nine. Penny for yourself. Here. Give him twopence tip. Deaf, bothered. But perhaps he has wife and family waiting, waiting Patty come home. Hee hee hee hee. Deaf wait while they wait. But wait. But hear. Chords dark. Lugugugubrious. Low. In a cave of the dark middle earth. Embedded ore. Lumpmusic. The voice of dark age, of unlove, earth's fatigue made grave approach and painful, come from afar, from hoary mountains, called on good men and true. The priest he sought. With him would he speak a word. Tap. Ben Dollard's voice. Base barreltone. Doing his level best to say it. Croak of vast manless moonless womoonless marsh. Other comedown. Big ships' chandler's business he did once. Remember: rosiny ropes, ships' lanterns. Failed to the tune of ten thousand pounds. Now in the Iveagh home. Cubicle number so and so. Number one Bass did that for him. The priest's at home. A false priest's servant bade him welcome. Step in. The holy father. With bows a traitor servant. Curlycues of chords. Ruin them. Wreck their lives. Then build them cubicles to end their days in. Hushaby. Lullaby. Die, dog. Little dog, die. The voice of warning, solemn warning, told them the youth had entered a lonely hall, told them how solemn fell his footsteps there, told them the gloomy chamber, the vested priest sitting to shrive. Decent soul. Bit addled now. Thinks he'll win in Answers, poets' picture puzzle. We hand you crisp five pound note. Bird sitting hatching in a nest. Lay of the last minstrel he thought it was. See blank tee what domestic animal? Tee dash ar most courageous mariner. Good voice he has still. No eunuch yet with all his belongings. Listen. Bloom listened. Richie Goulding listened. And by the door deaf Pat, bald Pat, tipped Pat, listened. The chords harped slower. The voice of penance and of grief came slow, embellished, tremulous. Ben's contrite beard confessed. in nomine Domini, in God's name he knelt. He beat his hand upon his breast, confessing: mea culpa. Latin again. That holds them like birdlime. Priest with the communion corpus for those women. Chap in the mortuary, coffin or coffey, corpusnomine. Wonder where that rat is by now. Scrape. Tap. They listened. Tankards and miss Kennedy. George Lidwell, eyelid well expressive, fullbusted satin. Kernan. Si. The sighing voice of sorrow sang. His sins. Since Easter he had cursed three times. You bitch's bast. And once at masstime he had gone to play. Once by the churchyard he had passed and for his mother's rest he had not prayed. A boy. A croppy boy. Bronze, listening, by the beerpull gazed far away. Soulfully. Doesn't half know I'm. Molly great dab at seeing anyone looking. Bronze gazed far sideways. Mirror there. Is that best side of her face? They always know. Knock at the door. Last tip to titivate. Cockcarracarra. What do they think when they hear music? Way to catch rattlesnakes. Night Michael Gunn gave us the box. Tuning up. Shah of Persia liked that best. Remind him of home sweet home. Wiped his nose in curtain too. Custom his country perhaps. That's music too. Not as bad as it sounds. Tootling. Brasses braying asses through uptrunks. Doublebasses helpless, gashes in their sides. Woodwinds mooing cows. Semigrand open crocodile music hath jaws. Woodwind like Goodwin's name. She looked fine. Her crocus dress she wore lowcut, belongings on show. Clove her breath was always in theatre when she bent to ask a question. Told her what Spinoza says in that book of poor papa's. Hypnotised, listening. Eyes like that. She bent. Chap in dresscircle staring down into her with his operaglass for all he was worth. Beauty of music you must hear twice. Nature woman half a look. God made the country man the tune. Met him pike hoses. Philosophy. O rocks! All gone. All fallen. At the siege of Ross his father, at Gorey all his brothers fell. To Wexford, we are the boys of Wexford, he would. Last of his name and race. I too. Last of my race. Milly young student. Well, my fault perhaps. No son. Rudy. Too late now. Or if not? If not? If still? He bore no hate. Hate. Love. Those are names. Rudy. Soon I am old. Big Ben his voice unfolded. Great voice Richie Goulding said, a flush struggling in his pale, to Bloom soon old. But when was young? Ireland comes now. My country above the king. She listens. Who fears to speak of nineteen four? Time to be shoving. Looked enough. — Bless me, father, Dollard the croppy cried. Bless me and let me go. Tap. Bloom looked, unblessed to go. Got up to kill: on eighteen bob a week. Fellows shell out the dibs. Want to keep your weathereye open. Those girls, those lovely. By the sad sea waves. Chorusgirl's romance. Letters read out for breach of promise. From Chickabiddy's owny Mumpsypum. Laughter in court. Henry. I never signed it. The lovely name you. Low sank the music, air and words. Then hastened. The false priest rustling soldier from his cassock. A yeoman captain. They know it all by heart. The thrill they itch for. Yeoman cap. Tap. Tap. Thrilled she listened, bending in sympathy to hear. Blank face. Virgin should say: or fingered only. Write something on it: page. If not what becomes of them? Decline, despair. Keeps them young. Even admire themselves. See. Play on her. Lip blow. Body of white woman, a flute alive. Blow gentle. Loud. Three holes, all women. Goddess I didn't see. They want it. Not too much polite. That's why he gets them. Gold in your pocket, brass in your face. Say something. Make her hear. With look to look. Songs without words. Molly, that hurdygurdy boy. She knew he meant the monkey was sick. Or because so like the Spanish. Understand animals too that way. Solomon did. Gift of nature. Ventriloquise. My lips closed. Think in my stom. What? Will? You? I. Want. You. To. With hoarse rude fury the yeoman cursed, swelling in apoplectic bitch's bastard. A good thought, boy, to come. One hour's your time to live, your last. Tap. Tap. Thrill now. Pity they feel. To wipe away a tear for martyrs that want to, dying to, die. For all things dying, for all things born. Poor Mrs Purefoy. Hope she's over. Because their wombs. A liquid of womb of woman eyeball gazed under a fence of lashes, calmly, hearing. See real beauty of the eye when she not speaks. On yonder river. At each slow satiny heaving bosom's wave (her heaving embon) red rose rose slowly sank red rose. Heartbeats: her breath: breath that is life. And all the tiny tiny fernfoils trembled of maidenhair. But look. The bright stars fade. O rose! Castile. The morn. Ha. Lidwell. For him then not for. Infatuated. I like that? See her from here though. Popped corks, splashes of beerfroth, stacks of empties. On the smooth jutting beerpull laid Lydia hand, lightly, plumply, leave it to my hands. All lost in pity for croppy. Fro, to: to, fro: over the polished knob (she knows his eyes, my eyes, her eyes) her thumb and finger passed in pity: passed, reposed and, gently touching, then slid so smoothly, slowly down, a cool firm white enamel baton protruding through their sliding ring. With a cock with a carra. Tap. Tap. Tap. I hold this house. Amen. He gnashed in fury. Traitors swing. The chords consented. Very sad thing. But had to be. Get out before the end. Thanks, that was heavenly. Where's my hat. Pass by her. Can leave that Freeman. Letter I have. Suppose she were the? No. Walk, walk, walk. Like Cashel Boylo Connoro Coylo Tisdall Maurice Tisntdall Farrell. Waaaaaaalk. Well, I must be. Are you off? Yrfmstbyes. Blmstup. O'er ryehigh blue. Ow. Bloom stood up. Soap feeling rather sticky behind. Must have sweated: music. That lotion, remember. Well, so long. High grade. Card inside. Yes. By deaf Pat in the doorway straining ear Bloom passed. At Geneva barrack that young man died. At Passage was his body laid. Dolor! O, he dolores! The voice of the mournful chanter called to dolorous prayer. By rose, by satiny bosom, by the fondling hand, by slops, by empties, by popped corks, greeting in going, past eyes and maidenhair, bronze and faint gold in deepseashadow, went Bloom, soft Bloom, I feel so lonely Bloom. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pray for him, prayed the bass of Dollard. You who hear in peace. Breathe a prayer, drop a tear, good men, good people. He was the croppy boy. Scaring eavesdropping boots croppy bootsboy Bloom in the Ormond hallway heard the growls and roars of bravo, fat backslapping, their boots all treading, boots not the boots the boy. General chorus off for a swill to wash it down. Glad I avoided. —Come on, Ben, Simon Dedalus cried. By God, you're as good as ever you were. —Better, said Tomgin Kernan. Most trenchant rendition of that ballad, upon my soul and honour It is. —Lablache, said Father Cowley. Ben Dollard bulkily cachuchad towards the bar, mightily praisefed and all big roseate, on heavyfooted feet, his gouty fingers nakkering castagnettes in the air. Big Benaben Dollard. Big Benben. Big Benben. Rrr. And deepmoved all, Simon trumping compassion from foghorn nose, all laughing they brought him forth, Ben Dollard, in right good cheer. —You're looking rubicund, George Lidwell said. Miss Douce composed her rose to wait. —Ben machree, said Mr Dedalus, clapping Ben's fat back shoulderblade. Fit as a fiddle only he has a lot of adipose tissue concealed about his person. Rrrrrrrsss. —Fat of death, Simon, Ben Dollard growled. Richie rift in the lute alone sat: Goulding, Collis, Ward. Uncertainly he waited. Unpaid Pat too. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Miss Mina Kennedy brought near her lips to ear of tankard one. —Mr Dollard, they murmured low. —Dollard, murmured tankard. Tank one believed: miss Kenn when she: that doll he was: she doll: the tank. He murmured that he knew the name. The name was familiar to him, that is to say. That was to say he had heard the name of. Dollard, was it? Dollard, yes. Yes, her lips said more loudly, Mr Dollard. He sang that song lovely, murmured Mina. Mr Dollard. And The last rose of summer was a lovely song. Mina loved that song. Tankard loved the song that Mina. 'Tis the last rose of summer dollard left bloom felt wind wound round inside. Gassy thing that cider: binding too. Wait. Postoffice near Reuben J's one and eightpence too. Get shut of it. Dodge round by Greek street. Wish I hadn't promised to meet. Freer in air. Music. Gets on your nerves. Beerpull. Her hand that rocks the cradle rules the. Ben Howth. That rules the world. Far. Far. Far. Far. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Up the quay went Lionelleopold, naughty Henry with letter for Mady, with sweets of sin with frillies for Raoul with met him pike hoses went Poldy on. Tap blind walked tapping by the tap the curbstone tapping, tap by tap. Cowley, he stuns himself with it: kind of drunkenness. Better give way only half way the way of a man with a maid. Instance enthusiasts. All ears. Not lose a demisemiquaver. Eyes shut. Head nodding in time. Dotty. You daren't budge. Thinking strictly prohibited. Always talking shop. Fiddlefaddle about notes. All a kind of attempt to talk. Unpleasant when it stops because you never know exac. Organ in Gardiner street. Old Glynn fifty quid a year. Queer up there in the cockloft, alone, with stops and locks and keys. Seated all day at the organ. Maunder on for hours, talking to himself or the other fellow blowing the bellows. Growl angry, then shriek cursing (want to have wadding or something in his no don't she cried), then all of a soft sudden wee little wee little pipy wind. Pwee! A wee little wind piped eeee. In Bloom's little wee. —Was he? Mr Dedalus said, returning with fetched pipe. I was with him this morning at poor little Paddy Dignam's... —Ay, the Lord have mercy on him. —By the bye there's a tuningfork in there on the... Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. —The wife has a fine voice. Or had. What? Lidwell asked. —O, that must be the tuner, Lydia said to Simonlionel first I saw, forgot it when he was here. Blind he was she told George Lidwell second I saw. And played so exquisitely, treat to hear. Exquisite contrast: bronzelid, minagold. —Shout! Ben Dollard shouted, pouring. Sing out! —'lldo! cried Father Cowley. Rrrrrr. I feel I want... Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap —Very, Mr Dedalus said, staring hard at a headless sardine. Under the sandwichbell lay on a bier of bread one last, one lonely, last sardine of summer. Bloom alone. —Very, he stared. The lower register, for choice. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Bloom went by Barry's. Wish I could. Wait. That wonderworker if I had. Twentyfour solicitors in that one house. Counted them. Litigation. Love one another. Piles of parchment. Messrs Pick and Pocket have power of attorney. Goulding, Collis, Ward. But for example the chap that wallops the big drum. His vocation: Mickey Rooney's band. Wonder how it first struck him. Sitting at home after pig's cheek and cabbage nursing it in the armchair. Rehearsing his band part. Pom. Pompedy. Jolly for the wife. Asses' skins. Welt them through life, then wallop after death. Pom. Wallop. Seems to be what you call yashmak or I mean kismet. Fate. Tap. Tap. A stripling, blind, with a tapping cane came taptaptapping by Daly's window where a mermaid hair all streaming (but he couldn't see) blew whiffs of a mermaid (blind couldn't), mermaid, coolest whiff of all. Instruments. A blade of grass, shell of her hands, then blow. Even comb and tissuepaper you can knock a tune out of. Molly in her shift in Lombard street west, hair down. I suppose each kind of trade made its own, don't you see? Hunter with a horn. Haw. Have you the? Cloche. Sonnez la. Shepherd his pipe. Pwee little wee. Policeman a whistle. Locks and keys! Sweep! Four o'clock's all's well! Sleep! All is lost now. Drum? Pompedy. Wait. I know. Towncrier, bumbailiff. Long John. Waken the dead. Pom. Dignam. Poor little nominedomine. Pom. It is music. I mean of course it's all pom pom pom very much what they call da capo. Still you can hear. As we march, we march along, march along. Pom. I must really. Fff. Now if I did that at a banquet. Just a question of custom shah of Persia. Breathe a prayer, drop a tear. All the same he must have been a bit of a natural not to see it was a yeoman cap. Muffled up. Wonder who was that chap at the grave in the brown macin. O, the whore of the lane! A frowsy whore with black straw sailor hat askew came glazily in the day along the quay towards Mr Bloom. When first he saw that form endearing? Yes, it is. I feel so lonely. Wet night in the lane. Horn. Who had the? Heehaw shesaw. Off her beat here. What is she? Hope she. Psst! Any chance of your wash. Knew Molly. Had me decked. Stout lady does be with you in the brown costume. Put you off your stroke, that. Appointment we made knowing we'd never, well hardly ever. Too dear too near to home sweet home. Sees me, does she? Looks a fright in the day. Face like dip. Damn her. O, well, she has to live like the rest. Look in here. In Lionel Marks's antique saleshop window haughty Henry Lionel Leopold dear Henry Flower earnestly Mr Leopold Bloom envisaged battered candlesticks melodeon oozing maggoty blowbags. Bargain: six bob. Might learn to play. Cheap. Let her pass. Course everything is dear if you don't want it. That's what good salesman is. Make you buy what he wants to sell. Chap sold me the Swedish razor he shaved me with. Wanted to charge me for the edge he gave it. She's passing now. Six bob. Must be the cider or perhaps the burgund. Near bronze from anear near gold from afar they chinked their clinking glasses all, brighteyed and gallant, before bronze Lydia's tempting last rose of summer, rose of Castile. First Lid, De, Cow, Ker, Doll, a fifth: Lidwell, Si Dedalus, Bob Cowley, Kernan and big Ben Dollard. Tap. A youth entered a lonely Ormond hall. Bloom viewed a gallant pictured hero in Lionel Marks's window. Robert Emmet's last words. Seven last words. Of Meyerbeer that is. —True men like you men. —Ay, ay, Ben. —Will lift your glass with us. They lifted. Tschink. Tschunk. Tip. An unseeing stripling stood in the door. He saw not bronze. He saw not gold. Nor Ben nor Bob nor Tom nor Si nor George nor tanks nor Richie nor Pat. Hee hee hee hee. He did not see. Seabloom, greaseabloom viewed last words. Softly. When my country takes her place among. Prrprr. Must be the bur. Fff! Oo. Rrpr. Nations of the earth. No-one behind. She's passed. Then and not till then. Tram kran kran kran. Good oppor. Coming. Krandlkrankran. I'm sure it's the burgund. Yes. One, two. Let my epitaph be. Kraaaaaa. Written. I have. Pprrpffrrppffff. Done. I was just passing the time of day with old Troy of the D. M. P. at the corner of Arbour hill there and be damned but a bloody sweep came along and he near drove his gear into my eye. I turned around to let him have the weight of my tongue when who should I see dodging along Stony Batter only Joe Hynes. —Lo, Joe, says I. How are you blowing? Did you see that bloody chimneysweep near shove my eye out with his brush? —Soot's luck, says Joe. Who's the old ballocks you were talking to? —Old Troy, says I, was in the force. I'm on two minds not to give that fellow in charge for obstructing the thoroughfare with his brooms and ladders. —What are you doing round those parts? says Joe. —Devil a much, says I. There's a bloody big foxy thief beyond by the garrison church at the corner of Chicken lane—old Troy was just giving me a wrinkle about him—lifted any God's quantity of tea and sugar to pay three bob a week said he had a farm in the county Down off a hop-of-my-thumb by the name of Moses Herzog over there near Heytesbury street. —Circumcised? says Joe. —Ay, says I. A bit off the top. An old plumber named Geraghty. I'm hanging on to his taw now for the past fortnight and I can't get a penny out of him. —That the lay you're on now? says Joe. —Ay, says I. How are the mighty fallen! Collector of bad and doubtful debts. But that's the most notorious bloody robber you'd meet in a day's walk and the face on him all pockmarks would hold a shower of rain. Tell him, says he, I dare him, says he, and I doubledare him to send you round here again or if he does, says he, I'll have him summonsed up before the court, so I will, for trading without a licence. And he after stuffing himself till he's fit to burst. Jesus, I had to laugh at the little jewy getting his shirt out. He drink me my teas. He eat me my sugars. Because he no pay me my moneys? For nonperishable goods bought of Moses Herzog, of 13 Saint Kevin's parade in the city of Dublin, Wood quay ward, merchant, hereinafter called the vendor, and sold and delivered to Michael E. Geraghty, esquire, of 29 Arbour hill in the city of Dublin, Arran quay ward, gentleman, hereinafter called the purchaser, videlicet, five pounds avoirdupois of first choice tea at three shillings and no pence per pound avoirdupois and three stone avoirdupois of sugar, crushed crystal, at threepence per pound avoirdupois, the said purchaser debtor to the said vendor of one pound five shillings and sixpence sterling for value received which amount shall be paid by said purchaser to said vendor in weekly instalments every seven calendar days of three shillings and no pence sterling: and the said nonperishable goods shall not be pawned or pledged or sold or otherwise alienated by the said purchaser but shall be and remain and be held to be the sole and exclusive property of the said vendor to be disposed of at his good will and pleasure until the said amount shall have been duly paid by the said purchaser to the said vendor in the manner herein set forth as this day hereby agreed between the said vendor, his heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the one part and the said purchaser, his heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the other part. —Are you a strict t.t.? says Joe. —Not taking anything between drinks, says I. —What about paying our respects to our friend? says Joe. —Who? says I. Sure, he's out in John of God's off his head, poor man. —Drinking his own stuff? says Joe. —Ay, says I. Whisky and water on the brain. —Come around to Barney Kiernan's, says Joe. I want to see the citizen. —Barney mavourneen's be it, says I. Anything strange or wonderful, Joe? —Not a word, says Joe. I was up at that meeting in the City Arms. —-What was that, Joe? says I. —Cattle traders, says Joe, about the foot and mouth disease. I want to give the citizen the hard word about it. So we went around by the Linenhall barracks and the back of the courthouse talking of one thing or another. Decent fellow Joe when he has it but sure like that he never has it. Jesus, I couldn't get over that bloody foxy Geraghty, the daylight robber. For trading without a licence, says he. In Inisfail the fair there lies a land, the land of holy Michan. There rises a watchtower beheld of men afar. There sleep the mighty dead as in life they slept, warriors and princes of high renown. A pleasant land it is in sooth of murmuring waters, fishful streams where sport the gurnard, the plaice, the roach, the halibut, the gibbed haddock, the grilse, the dab, the brill, the flounder, the pollock, the mixed coarse fish generally and other denizens of the aqueous kingdom too numerous to be enumerated. In the mild breezes of the west and of the east the lofty trees wave in different directions their firstclass foliage, the wafty sycamore, the Lebanonian cedar, the exalted planetree, the eugenic eucalyptus and other ornaments of the arboreal world with which that region is thoroughly well supplied. Lovely maidens sit in close proximity to the roots of the lovely trees singing the most lovely songs while they play with all kinds of lovely objects as for example golden ingots, silvery fishes, crans of herrings, drafts of eels, codlings, creels of fingerlings, purple seagems and playful insects. And heroes voyage from afar to woo them, from Eblana to Slievemargy, the peerless princes of unfettered Munster and of Connacht the just and of smooth sleek Leinster and of Cruahan's land and of Armagh the splendid and of the noble district of Boyle, princes, the sons of kings. And there rises a shining palace whose crystal glittering roof is seen by mariners who traverse the extensive sea in barks built expressly for that purpose, and thither come all herds and fatlings and firstfruits of that land for O'Connell Fitzsimon takes toll of them, a chieftain descended from chieftains. Thither the extremely large wains bring foison of the fields, flaskets of cauliflowers, floats of spinach, pineapple chunks, Rangoon beans, strikes of tomatoes, drums of figs, drills of Swedes, spherical potatoes and tallies of iridescent kale, York and Savoy, and trays of onions, pearls of the earth, and punnets of mushrooms and custard marrows and fat vetches and bere and rape and red green yellow brown russet sweet big bitter ripe pomellated apples and chips of strawberries and sieves of gooseberries, pulpy and pelurious, and strawberries fit for princes and raspberries from their canes. I dare him, says he, and I doubledare him. Come out here, Geraghty, you notorious bloody hill and dale robber! And by that way wend the herds innumerable of bellwethers and flushed ewes and shearling rams and lambs and stubble geese and medium steers and roaring mares and polled calves and longwoods and storesheep and Cuffe's prime springers and culls and sowpigs and baconhogs and the various different varieties of highly distinguished swine and Angus heifers and polly bulllocks of immaculate pedigree together with prime premiated milchcows and beeves: and there is ever heard a trampling, cackling, roaring, lowing, bleating, bellowing, rumbling, grunting, champing, chewing, of sheep and pigs and heavyhooved kine from pasturelands of Lusk and Rush and Carrickmines and from the streamy vales of Thomond, from the M'Gillicuddy's reeks the inaccessible and lordly Shannon the unfathomable, and from the gentle declivities of the place of the race of Kiar, their udders distended with superabundance of milk and butts of butter and rennets of cheese and farmer's firkins and targets of lamb and crannocks of corn and oblong eggs in great hundreds, various in size, the agate with this dun. So we turned into Barney Kiernan's and there, sure enough, was the citizen up in the corner having a great confab with himself and that bloody mangy mongrel, Garryowen, and he waiting for what the sky would drop in the way of drink. —There he is, says I, in his gloryhole, with his cruiskeen lawn and his load of papers, working for the cause. The bloody mongrel let a grouse out of him would give you the creeps. Be a corporal work of mercy if someone would take the life of that bloody dog. I'm told for a fact he ate a good part of the breeches off a constabulary man in Santry that came round one time with a blue paper about a licence. —Stand and deliver, says he. —That's all right, citizen, says Joe. Friends here. —Pass, friends, says he. Then he rubs his hand in his eye and says he: —What's your opinion of the times? Doing the rapparee and Rory of the hill. But, begob, Joe was equal to the occasion. —I think the markets are on a rise, says he, sliding his hand down his fork. So begob the citizen claps his paw on his knee and he says: —Foreign wars is the cause of it. And says Joe, sticking his thumb in his pocket: —It's the Russians wish to tyrannise. —Arrah, give over your bloody codding, Joe, says I. I've a thirst on me I wouldn't sell for half a crown. —Give it a name, citizen, says Joe. —Wine of the country, says he. —What's yours? says Joe. —Ditto MacAnaspey, says I. —Three pints, Terry, says Joe. And how's the old heart, citizen? says he. —Never better, a chara , says he. What Garry? Are we going to win? Eh? And with that he took the bloody old towser by the scruff of the neck and, by Jesus, he near throttled him. The figure seated on a large boulder at the foot of a round tower was that of a broadshouldered deepchested stronglimbed frankeyed redhaired freelyfreckled shaggybearded widemouthed largenosed longheaded deepvoiced barekneed brawnyhanded hairylegged ruddyfaced sinewyarmed hero. From shoulder to shoulder he measured several ells and his rocklike mountainous knees were covered, as was likewise the rest of his body wherever visible, with a strong growth of tawny prickly hair in hue and toughness similar to the mountain gorse ( Ulex Europeus ). The widewinged nostrils, from which bristles of the same tawny hue projected, were of such capaciousness that within their cavernous obscurity the fieldlark might easily have lodged her nest. The eyes in which a tear and a smile strove ever for the mastery were of the dimensions of a goodsized cauliflower. A powerful current of warm breath issued at regular intervals from the profound cavity of his mouth while in rhythmic resonance the loud strong hale reverberations of his formidable heart thundered rumblingly causing the ground, the summit of the lofty tower and the still loftier walls of the cave to vibrate and tremble. He wore a long unsleeved garment of recently flayed oxhide reaching to the knees in a loose kilt and this was bound about his middle by a girdle of plaited straw and rushes. Beneath this he wore trews of deerskin, roughly stitched with gut. His nether extremities were encased in high Balbriggan buskins dyed in lichen purple, the feet being shod with brogues of salted cowhide laced with the windpipe of the same beast. From his girdle hung a row of seastones which jangled at every movement of his portentous frame and on these were graven with rude yet striking art the tribal images of many Irish heroes and heroines of antiquity, Cuchulin, Conn of hundred battles, Niall of nine hostages, Brian of Kincora, the ardri Malachi, Art MacMurragh, Shane O'Neill, Father John Murphy, Owen Roe, Patrick Sarsfield, Red Hugh O'Donnell, Red Jim MacDermott, Soggarth Eoghan O'Growney, Michael Dwyer, Francy Higgins, Henry Joy M'Cracken, Goliath, Horace Wheatley, Thomas Conneff, Peg Woffington, the Village Blacksmith, Captain Moonlight, Captain Boycott, Dante Alighieri, Christopher Columbus, S. Fursa, S. Brendan, Marshal MacMahon, Charlemagne, Theobald Wolfe Tone, the Mother of the Maccabees, the Last of the Mohicans, the Rose of Castile, the Man for Galway, The Man that Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo, The Man in the Gap, The Woman Who Didn't, Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon Bonaparte, John L. Sullivan, Cleopatra, Savourneen Deelish, Julius Caesar, Paracelsus, sir Thomas Lipton, William Tell, Michelangelo Hayes, Muhammad, the Bride of Lammermoor, Peter the Hermit, Peter the Packer, Dark Rosaleen, Patrick W. Shakespeare, Brian Confucius, Murtagh Gutenberg, Patricio Velasquez, Captain Nemo, Tristan and Isolde, the first Prince of Wales, Thomas Cook and Son, the Bold Soldier Boy, Arrah na Pogue, Dick Turpin, Ludwig Beethoven, the Colleen Bawn, Waddler Healy, Angus the Culdee, Dolly Mount, Sidney Parade, Ben Howth, Valentine Greatrakes, Adam and Eve, Arthur Wellesley, Boss Croker, Herodotus, Jack the Giantkiller, Gautama Buddha, Lady Godiva, The Lily of Killarney, Balor of the Evil Eye, the Queen of Sheba, Acky Nagle, Joe Nagle, Alessandro Volta, Jeremiah O'Donovan Rossa, Don Philip O'Sullivan Beare. A couched spear of acuminated granite rested by him while at his feet reposed a savage animal of the canine tribe whose stertorous gasps announced that he was sunk in uneasy slumber, a supposition confirmed by hoarse growls and spasmodic movements which his master repressed from time to time by tranquilising blows of a mighty cudgel rudely fashioned out of paleolithic stone. So anyhow Terry brought the three pints Joe was standing and begob the sight nearly left my eyes when I saw him land out a quid O, as true as I'm telling you. A goodlooking sovereign. —And there's more where that came from, says he. —Were you robbing the poorbox, Joe? says I. —Sweat of my brow, says Joe. 'Twas the prudent member gave me the wheeze. —I saw him before I met you, says I, sloping around by Pill lane and Greek street with his cod's eye counting up all the guts of the fish. Who comes through Michan's land, bedight in sable armour? O'Bloom, the son of Rory: it is he. Impervious to fear is Rory's son: he of the prudent soul. —For the old woman of Prince's street, says the citizen, the subsidised organ. The pledgebound party on the floor of the house. And look at this blasted rag, says he. Look at this, says he. The Irish Independent, if you please, founded by Parnell to be the workingman's friend. Listen to the births and deaths in the Irish all for Ireland Independent, and I'll thank you and the marriages. And he starts reading them out: —Gordon, Barnfield crescent, Exeter; Redmayne of Iffley, Saint Anne's on Sea: the wife of William T Redmayne of a son. How's that, eh? Wright and Flint, Vincent and Gillett to Rotha Marion daughter of Rosa and the late George Alfred Gillett, 179 Clapham road, Stockwell, Playwood and Ridsdale at Saint Jude's, Kensington by the very reverend Dr Forrest, dean of Worcester. Eh? Deaths. Bristow, at Whitehall lane, London: Carr, Stoke Newington, of gastritis and heart disease: Cockburn, at the Moat house, Chepstow... —I know that fellow, says Joe, from bitter experience. —Cockburn. Dimsey, wife of David Dimsey, late of the admiralty: Miller, Tottenham, aged eightyfive: Welsh, June 12, at 35 Canning street, Liverpool, Isabella Helen. How's that for a national press, eh, my brown son! How's that for Martin Murphy, the Bantry jobber? —Ah, well, says Joe, handing round the boose. Thanks be to God they had the start of us. Drink that, citizen. —I will, says he, honourable person. —Health, Joe, says I. And all down the form. Ah! Ow! Don't be talking! I was blue mouldy for the want of that pint. Declare to God I could hear it hit the pit of my stomach with a click. And lo, as they quaffed their cup of joy, a godlike messenger came swiftly in, radiant as the eye of heaven, a comely youth and behind him there passed an elder of noble gait and countenance, bearing the sacred scrolls of law and with him his lady wife a dame of peerless lineage, fairest of her race. Little Alf Bergan popped in round the door and hid behind Barney's snug, squeezed up with the laughing. And who was sitting up there in the corner that I hadn't seen snoring drunk blind to the world only Bob Doran. I didn't know what was up and Alf kept making signs out of the door. And begob what was it only that bloody old pantaloon Denis Breen in his bathslippers with two bloody big books tucked under his oxter and the wife hotfoot after him, unfortunate wretched woman, trotting like a poodle. I thought Alf would split. —Look at him, says he. Breen. He's traipsing all round Dublin with a postcard someone sent him with U. p: up on it to take a li... And he doubled up. —Take a what? says I. —Libel action, says he, for ten thousand pounds. —O hell! says I. The bloody mongrel began to growl that'd put the fear of God in you seeing something was up but the citizen gave him a kick in the ribs. —Bi i dho husht, says he. —Who? says Joe. —Breen, says Alf. He was in John Henry Menton's and then he went round to Collis and Ward's and then Tom Rochford met him and sent him round to the subsheriff's for a lark. O God, I've a pain laughing. U. p: up. The long fellow gave him an eye as good as a process and now the bloody old lunatic is gone round to Green street to look for a G man. —When is long John going to hang that fellow in Mountjoy? says Joe. —Bergan, says Bob Doran, waking up. Is that Alf Bergan? —Yes, says Alf. Hanging? Wait till I show you. Here, Terry, give us a pony. That bloody old fool! Ten thousand pounds. You should have seen long John's eye. U. p... And he started laughing. —Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran. Is that Bergan? —Hurry up, Terry boy, says Alf. Terence O'Ryan heard him and straightway brought him a crystal cup full of the foamy ebon ale which the noble twin brothers Bungiveagh and Bungardilaun brew ever in their divine alevats, cunning as the sons of deathless Leda. For they garner the succulent berries of the hop and mass and sift and bruise and brew them and they mix therewith sour juices and bring the must to the sacred fire and cease not night or day from their toil, those cunning brothers, lords of the vat. Then did you, chivalrous Terence, hand forth, as to the manner born, that nectarous beverage and you offered the crystal cup to him that thirsted, the soul of chivalry, in beauty akin to the immortals. But he, the young chief of the O'Bergan's, could ill brook to be outdone in generous deeds but gave therefor with gracious gesture a testoon of costliest bronze. Thereon embossed in excellent smithwork was seen the image of a queen of regal port, scion of the house of Brunswick, Victoria her name, Her Most Excellent Majesty, by grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and of the British dominions beyond the sea, queen, defender of the faith, Empress of India, even she, who bore rule, a victress over many peoples, the wellbeloved, for they knew and loved her from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, the pale, the dark, the ruddy and the ethiop. —What's that bloody freemason doing, says the citizen, prowling up and down outside? —What's that? says Joe. —Here you are, says Alf, chucking out the rhino. Talking about hanging, I'll show you something you never saw. Hangmen's letters. Look at here. So he took a bundle of wisps of letters and envelopes out of his pocket. —Are you codding? says I. —Honest injun, says Alf. Read them. So Joe took up the letters. —Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran. So I saw there was going to be a bit of a dust Bob's a queer chap when the porter's up in him so says I just to make talk: —How's Willy Murray those times, Alf? —I don't know, says Alf I saw him just now in Capel street with Paddy Dignam. Only I was running after that... —You what? says Joe, throwing down the letters. With who? —With Dignam, says Alf. —Is it Paddy? says Joe. —Yes, says Alf. Why? —Don't you know he's dead? says Joe. —Paddy Dignam dead! says Alf. —Ay, says Joe. —Sure I'm after seeing him not five minutes ago, says Alf, as plain as a pikestaff. —Who's dead? says Bob Doran. —You saw his ghost then, says Joe, God between us and harm. —What? says Alf. Good Christ, only five... What?... And Willy Murray with him, the two of them there near whatdoyoucallhim's... What? Dignam dead? —What about Dignam? says Bob Doran. Who's talking about...? —Dead! says Alf. He's no more dead than you are. —Maybe so, says Joe. They took the liberty of burying him this morning anyhow. —Paddy? says Alf. —Ay, says Joe. He paid the debt of nature, God be merciful to him. —Good Christ! says Alf. Begob he was what you might call flabbergasted. In the darkness spirit hands were felt to flutter and when prayer by tantras had been directed to the proper quarter a faint but increasing luminosity of ruby light became gradually visible, the apparition of the etheric double being particularly lifelike owing to the discharge of jivic rays from the crown of the head and face. Communication was effected through the pituitary body and also by means of the orangefiery and scarlet rays emanating from the sacral region and solar plexus. Questioned by his earthname as to his whereabouts in the heavenworld he stated that he was now on the path of pr l ya or return but was still submitted to trial at the hands of certain bloodthirsty entities on the lower astral levels. In reply to a question as to his first sensations in the great divide beyond he stated that previously he had seen as in a glass darkly but that those who had passed over had summit possibilities of atmic development opened up to them. Interrogated as to whether life there resembled our experience in the flesh he stated that he had heard from more favoured beings now in the spirit that their abodes were equipped with every modern home comfort such as talafana, alavatar, hatakalda, wataklasat and that the highest adepts were steeped in waves of volupcy of the very purest nature. Having requested a quart of buttermilk this was brought and evidently afforded relief. Asked if he had any message for the living he exhorted all who were still at the wrong side of Maya to acknowledge the true path for it was reported in devanic circles that Mars and Jupiter were out for mischief on the eastern angle where the ram has power. It was then queried whether there were any special desires on the part of the defunct and the reply was: We greet you, friends of earth, who are still in the body. Mind C. K. doesn't pile it on. It was ascertained that the reference was to Mr Cornelius Kelleher, manager of Messrs H. J. O'Neill's popular funeral establishment, a personal friend of the defunct, who had been responsible for the carrying out of the interment arrangements. Before departing he requested that it should be told to his dear son Patsy that the other boot which he had been looking for was at present under the commode in the return room and that the pair should be sent to Cullen's to be soled only as the heels were still good. He stated that this had greatly perturbed his peace of mind in the other region and earnestly requested that his desire should be made known. Assurances were given that the matter would be attended to and it was intimated that this had given satisfaction. He is gone from mortal haunts: O'Dignam, sun of our morning. Fleet was his foot on the bracken: Patrick of the beamy brow. Wail, Banba, with your wind: and wail, O ocean, with your whirlwind. —There he is again, says the citizen, staring out. —Who? says I. —Bloom, says he. He's on point duty up and down there for the last ten minutes. And, begob, I saw his physog do a peep in and then slidder off again. Little Alf was knocked bawways. Faith, he was. —Good Christ! says he. I could have sworn it was him. And says Bob Doran, with the hat on the back of his poll, lowest blackguard in Dublin when he's under the influence: —Who said Christ is good? —I beg your parsnips, says Alf. —Is that a good Christ, says Bob Doran, to take away poor little Willy Dignam? —Ah, well, says Alf, trying to pass it off. He's over all his troubles. But Bob Doran shouts out of him. —He's a bloody ruffian, I say, to take away poor little Willy Dignam. Terry came down and tipped him the wink to keep quiet, that they didn't want that kind of talk in a respectable licensed premises. And Bob Doran starts doing the weeps about Paddy Dignam, true as you're there. —The finest man, says he, snivelling, the finest purest character. The tear is bloody near your eye. Talking through his bloody hat. Fitter for him go home to the little sleepwalking bitch he married, Mooney, the bumbailiff's daughter, mother kept a kip in Hardwicke street, that used to be stravaging about the landings Bantam Lyons told me that was stopping there at two in the morning without a stitch on her, exposing her person, open to all comers, fair field and no favour. —The noblest, the truest, says he. And he's gone, poor little Willy, poor little Paddy Dignam. And mournful and with a heavy heart he bewept the extinction of that beam of heaven. Old Garryowen started growling again at Bloom that was skeezing round the door. —Come in, come on, he won't eat you, says the citizen. So Bloom slopes in with his cod's eye on the dog and he asks Terry was Martin Cunningham there. —O, Christ M'Keown, says Joe, reading one of the letters. Listen to this, will you? And he starts reading out one. 7 Hunter Street, Liverpool. To the High Sheriff of Dublin, Dublin. Honoured sir i beg to offer my services in the abovementioned painful case i hanged Joe Gann in Bootle jail on the 12 of Febuary 1900 and i hanged... —Show us, Joe, says I. — ... private Arthur Chace for fowl murder of Jessie Tilsit in Pentonville prison and i was assistant when... —Jesus, says I. — ... Billington executed the awful murderer Toad Smith... The citizen made a grab at the letter. —Hold hard, says Joe, i have a special nack of putting the noose once in he can't get out hoping to be favoured i remain, honoured sir, my terms is five ginnees. —And a barbarous bloody barbarian he is too, says the citizen. —And the dirty scrawl of the wretch, says Joe. Here, says he, take them to hell out of my sight, Alf. Hello, Bloom, says he, what will you have? So they started arguing about the point, Bloom saying he wouldn't and he couldn't and excuse him no offence and all to that and then he said well he'd just take a cigar. Gob, he's a prudent member and no mistake. —Give us one of your prime stinkers, Terry, says Joe. And Alf was telling us there was one chap sent in a mourning card with a black border round it. —They're all barbers, says he, from the black country that would hang their own fathers for five quid down and travelling expenses. And he was telling us there's two fellows waiting below to pull his heels down when he gets the drop and choke him properly and then they chop up the rope after and sell the bits for a few bob a skull. In the dark land they bide, the vengeful knights of the razor. Their deadly coil they grasp: yea, and therein they lead to Erebus whatsoever wight hath done a deed of blood for I will on nowise suffer it even so saith the Lord. So they started talking about capital punishment and of course Bloom comes out with the why and the wherefore and all the codology of the business and the old dog smelling him all the time I'm told those jewies does have a sort of a queer odour coming off them for dogs about I don't know what all deterrent effect and so forth and so on. —There's one thing it hasn't a deterrent effect on, says Alf. —What's that? says Joe. —The poor bugger's tool that's being hanged, says Alf. —That so? says Joe. —God's truth, says Alf. I heard that from the head warder that was in Kilmainham when they hanged Joe Brady, the invincible. He told me when they cut him down after the drop it was standing up in their faces like a poker. —Ruling passion strong in death, says Joe, as someone said. —That can be explained by science, says Bloom. It's only a natural phenomenon, don't you see, because on account of the... And then he starts with his jawbreakers about phenomenon and science and this phenomenon and the other phenomenon. The distinguished scientist Herr Professor Luitpold Blumenduft tendered medical evidence to the effect that the instantaneous fracture of the cervical vertebrae and consequent scission of the spinal cord would, according to the best approved tradition of medical science, be calculated to inevitably produce in the human subject a violent ganglionic stimulus of the nerve centres of the genital apparatus, thereby causing the elastic pores of the corpora cavernosa to rapidly dilate in such a way as to instantaneously facilitate the flow of blood to that part of the human anatomy known as the penis or male organ resulting in the phenomenon which has been denominated by the faculty a morbid upwards and outwards philoprogenitive erection in articulo mortis per diminutionem capitis. So of course the citizen was only waiting for the wink of the word and he starts gassing out of him about the invincibles and the old guard and the men of sixtyseven and who fears to speak of ninetyeight and Joe with him about all the fellows that were hanged, drawn and transported for the cause by drumhead courtmartial and a new Ireland and new this, that and the other. Talking about new Ireland he ought to go and get a new dog so he ought. Mangy ravenous brute sniffing and sneezing all round the place and scratching his scabs. And round he goes to Bob Doran that was standing Alf a half one sucking up for what he could get. So of course Bob Doran starts doing the bloody fool with him: —Give us the paw! Give the paw, doggy! Good old doggy! Give the paw here! Give us the paw! Arrah, bloody end to the paw he'd paw and Alf trying to keep him from tumbling off the bloody stool atop of the bloody old dog and he talking all kinds of drivel about training by kindness and thoroughbred dog and intelligent dog: give you the bloody pip. Then he starts scraping a few bits of old biscuit out of the bottom of a Jacobs' tin he told Terry to bring. Gob, he golloped it down like old boots and his tongue hanging out of him a yard long for more. Near ate the tin and all, hungry bloody mongrel. And the citizen and Bloom having an argument about the point, the brothers Sheares and Wolfe Tone beyond on Arbour Hill and Robert Emmet and die for your country, the Tommy Moore touch about Sara Curran and she's far from the land. And Bloom, of course, with his knockmedown cigar putting on swank with his lardy face. Phenomenon! The fat heap he married is a nice old phenomenon with a back on her like a ballalley. Time they were stopping up in the City Arms pisser Burke told me there was an old one there with a cracked loodheramaun of a nephew and Bloom trying to get the soft side of her doing the mollycoddle playing bézique to come in for a bit of the wampum in her will and not eating meat of a Friday because the old one was always thumping her craw and taking the lout out for a walk. And one time he led him the rounds of Dublin and, by the holy farmer, he never cried crack till he brought him home as drunk as a boiled owl and he said he did it to teach him the evils of alcohol and by herrings, if the three women didn't near roast him, it's a queer story, the old one, Bloom's wife and Mrs O'Dowd that kept the hotel. Jesus, I had to laugh at pisser Burke taking them off chewing the fat. And Bloom with his but don't you see? and but on the other hand . And sure, more be token, the lout I'm told was in Power's after, the blender's, round in Cope street going home footless in a cab five times in the week after drinking his way through all the samples in the bloody establishment. Phenomenon! —The memory of the dead, says the citizen taking up his pintglass and glaring at Bloom. —Ay, ay, says Joe. —You don't grasp my point, says Bloom. What I mean is... — Sinn Fein! says the citizen. Sinn Fein amhain! The friends we love are by our side and the foes we hate before us. The last farewell was affecting in the extreme. From the belfries far and near the funereal deathbell tolled unceasingly while all around the gloomy precincts rolled the ominous warning of a hundred muffled drums punctuated by the hollow booming of pieces of ordnance. The deafening claps of thunder and the dazzling flashes of lightning which lit up the ghastly scene testified that the artillery of heaven had lent its supernatural pomp to the already gruesome spectacle. A torrential rain poured down from the floodgates of the angry heavens upon the bared heads of the assembled multitude which numbered at the lowest computation five hundred thousand persons. A posse of Dublin Metropolitan police superintended by the Chief Commissioner in person maintained order in the vast throng for whom the York street brass and reed band whiled away the intervening time by admirably rendering on their blackdraped instruments the matchless melody endeared to us from the cradle by Speranza's plaintive muse. Special quick excursion trains and upholstered charabancs had been provided for the comfort of our country cousins of whom there were large contingents. Considerable amusement was caused by the favourite Dublin streetsingers L-n-h-n and M-ll-g-n who sang The Night before Larry was stretched in their usual mirth-provoking fashion. Our two inimitable drolls did a roaring trade with their broadsheets among lovers of the comedy element and nobody who has a corner in his heart for real Irish fun without vulgarity will grudge them their hardearned pennies. The children of the Male and Female Foundling Hospital who thronged the windows overlooking the scene were delighted with this unexpected addition to the day's entertainment and a word of praise is due to the Little Sisters of the Poor for their excellent idea of affording the poor fatherless and motherless children a genuinely instructive treat. The viceregal houseparty which included many wellknown ladies was chaperoned by Their Excellencies to the most favourable positions on the grandstand while the picturesque foreign delegation known as the Friends of the Emerald Isle was accommodated on a tribune directly opposite. The delegation, present in full force, consisted of Commendatore Bacibaci Beninobenone (the semiparalysed doyen of the party who had to be assisted to his seat by the aid of a powerful steam crane), Monsieur Pierrepaul Petitépatant, the Grandjoker Vladinmire Pokethankertscheff, the Archjoker Leopold Rudolph von Schwanzenbad-Hodenthaler, Countess Marha Virága Kisászony Putrápesthi, Hiram Y. Bomboost, Count Athanatos Karamelopulos, Ali Baba Backsheesh Rahat Lokum Effendi, Senor Hidalgo Caballero Don Pecadillo y Palabras y Paternoster de la Malora de la Malaria, Hokopoko Harakiri, Hi Hung Chang, Olaf Kobberkeddelsen, Mynheer Trik van Trumps, Pan Poleaxe Paddyrisky, Goosepond Prhklstr Kratchinabritchisitch, Borus Hupinkoff, Herr Hurhausdirektorpresident Hans Chuechli-Steuerli, Nationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocent -generalhistoryspecialprofessordoctor Kriegfried Ueberallgemein. All the delegates without exception expressed themselves in the strongest possible heterogeneous terms concerning the nameless barbarity which they had been called upon to witness. An animated altercation (in which all took part) ensued among the F. O. T. E. I. as to whether the eighth or the ninth of March was the correct date of the birth of Ireland's patron saint. In the course of the argument cannonballs, scimitars, boomerangs, blunderbusses, stinkpots, meatchoppers, umbrellas, catapults, knuckledusters, sandbags, lumps of pig iron were resorted to and blows were freely exchanged. The baby policeman, Constable MacFadden, summoned by special courier from Booterstown, quickly restored order and with lightning promptitude proposed the seventeenth of the month as a solution equally honourable for both contending parties. The readywitted ninefooter's suggestion at once appealed to all and was unanimously accepted. Constable MacFadden was heartily congratulated by all the F.O.T.E.I., several of whom were bleeding profusely. Commendatore Beninobenone having been extricated from underneath the presidential armchair, it was explained by his legal adviser Avvocato Pagamimi that the various articles secreted in his thirtytwo pockets had been abstracted by him during the affray from the pockets of his junior colleagues in the hope of bringing them to their senses. The objects (which included several hundred ladies' and gentlemen's gold and silver watches) were promptly restored to their rightful owners and general harmony reigned supreme. Quietly, unassumingly Rumbold stepped on to the scaffold in faultless morning dress and wearing his favourite flower, the Gladiolus Cruentus . He announced his presence by that gentle Rumboldian cough which so many have tried (unsuccessfully) to imitate—short, painstaking yet withal so characteristic of the man. The arrival of the worldrenowned headsman was greeted by a roar of acclamation from the huge concourse, the viceregal ladies waving their handkerchiefs in their excitement while the even more excitable foreign delegates cheered vociferously in a medley of cries, hoch, banzai, eljen, zivio, chinchin, polla kronia, hiphip, vive, Allah , amid which the ringing evviva of the delegate of the land of song (a high double F recalling those piercingly lovely notes with which the eunuch Catalani beglamoured our greatgreatgrandmothers) was easily distinguishable. It was exactly seventeen o'clock. The signal for prayer was then promptly given by megaphone and in an instant all heads were bared, the commendatore's patriarchal sombrero, which has been in the possession of his family since the revolution of Rienzi, being removed by his medical adviser in attendance, Dr Pippi. The learned prelate who administered the last comforts of holy religion to the hero martyr when about to pay the death penalty knelt in a most christian spirit in a pool of rainwater, his cassock above his hoary head, and offered up to the throne of grace fervent prayers of supplication. Hand by the block stood the grim figure of the executioner, his visage being concealed in a tengallon pot with two circular perforated apertures through which his eyes glowered furiously. As he awaited the fatal signal he tested the edge of his horrible weapon by honing it upon his brawny forearm or decapitated in rapid succession a flock of sheep which had been provided by the admirers of his fell but necessary office. On a handsome mahogany table near him were neatly arranged the quartering knife, the various finely tempered disembowelling appliances (specially supplied by the worldfamous firm of cutlers, Messrs John Round and Sons, Sheffield), a terra cotta saucepan for the reception of the duodenum, colon, blind intestine and appendix etc when successfully extracted and two commodious milkjugs destined to receive the most precious blood of the most precious victim. The housesteward of the amalgamated cats' and dogs' home was in attendance to convey these vessels when replenished to that beneficent institution. Quite an excellent repast consisting of rashers and eggs, fried steak and onions, done to a nicety, delicious hot breakfast rolls and invigorating tea had been considerately provided by the authorities for the consumption of the central figure of the tragedy who was in capital spirits when prepared for death and evinced the keenest interest in the proceedings from beginning to end but he, with an abnegation rare in these our times, rose nobly to the occasion and expressed the dying wish (immediately acceded to) that the meal should be divided in aliquot parts among the members of the sick and indigent roomkeepers' association as a token of his regard and esteem. The nec and non plus ultra of emotion were reached when the blushing bride elect burst her way through the serried ranks of the bystanders and flung herself upon the muscular bosom of him who was about to be launched into eternity for her sake. The hero folded her willowy form in a loving embrace murmuring fondly Sheila, my own . Encouraged by this use of her christian name she kissed passionately all the various suitable areas of his person which the decencies of prison garb permitted her ardour to reach. She swore to him as they mingled the salt streams of their tears that she would ever cherish his memory, that she would never forget her hero boy who went to his death with a song on his lips as if he were but going to a hurling match in Clonturk park. She brought back to his recollection the happy days of blissful childhood together on the banks of Anna Liffey when they had indulged in the innocent pastimes of the young and, oblivious of the dreadful present, they both laughed heartily, all the spectators, including the venerable pastor, joining in the general merriment. That monster audience simply rocked with delight. But anon they were overcome with grief and clasped their hands for the last time. A fresh torrent of tears burst from their lachrymal ducts and the vast concourse of people, touched to the inmost core, broke into heartrending sobs, not the least affected being the aged prebendary himself. Big strong men, officers of the peace and genial giants of the royal Irish constabulary, were making frank use of their handkerchiefs and it is safe to say that there was not a dry eye in that record assemblage. A most romantic incident occurred when a handsome young Oxford graduate, noted for his chivalry towards the fair sex, stepped forward and, presenting his visiting card, bankbook and genealogical tree, solicited the hand of the hapless young lady, requesting her to name the day, and was accepted on the spot. Every lady in the audience was presented with a tasteful souvenir of the occasion in the shape of a skull and crossbones brooch, a timely and generous act which evoked a fresh outburst of emotion: and when the gallant young Oxonian (the bearer, by the way, of one of the most timehonoured names in Albion's history) placed on the finger of his blushing fiancée an expensive engagement ring with emeralds set in the form of a fourleaved shamrock the excitement knew no bounds. Nay, even the ster provostmarshal, lieutenantcolonel Tomkin-Maxwell ffrenchmullan Tomlinson, who presided on the sad occasion, he who had blown a considerable number of sepoys from the cannonmouth without flinching, could not now restrain his natural emotion. With his mailed gauntlet he brushed away a furtive tear and was overheard, by those privileged burghers who happened to be in his immediate entourage, to murmur to himself in a faltering undertone: —God blimey if she aint a clinker, that there bleeding tart. Blimey it makes me kind of bleeding cry, straight, it does, when I sees her cause I thinks of my old mashtub what's waiting for me down Limehouse way. So then the citizen begins talking about the Irish language and the corporation meeting and all to that and the shoneens that can't speak their own language and Joe chipping in because he stuck someone for a quid and Bloom putting in his old goo with his twopenny stump that he cadged off of Joe and talking about the Gaelic league and the antitreating league and drink, the curse of Ireland. Antitreating is about the size of it. Gob, he'd let you pour all manner of drink down his throat till the Lord would call him before you'd ever see the froth of his pint. And one night I went in with a fellow into one of their musical evenings, song and dance about she could get up on a truss of hay she could my Maureen Lay and there was a fellow with a Ballyhooly blue ribbon badge spiffing out of him in Irish and a lot of colleen bawns going about with temperance beverages and selling medals and oranges and lemonade and a few old dry buns, gob, flahoolagh entertainment, don't be talking. Ireland sober is Ireland free. And then an old fellow starts blowing into his bagpipes and all the gougers shuffling their feet to the tune the old cow died of. And one or two sky pilots having an eye around that there was no goings on with the females, hitting below the belt. So howandever, as I was saying, the old dog seeing the tin was empty starts mousing around by Joe and me. I'd train him by kindness, so I would, if he was my dog. Give him a rousing fine kick now and again where it wouldn't blind him. —Afraid he'll bite you? says the citizen, jeering. —No, says I. But he might take my leg for a lamppost. So he calls the old dog over. —What's on you, Garry? says he. Then he starts hauling and mauling and talking to him in Irish and the old towser growling, letting on to answer, like a duet in the opera. Such growling you never heard as they let off between them. Someone that has nothing better to do ought to write a letter pro bono publico to the papers about the muzzling order for a dog the like of that. Growling and grousing and his eye all bloodshot from the drouth is in it and the hydrophobia dropping out of his jaws. All those who are interested in the spread of human culture among the lower animals (and their name is legion) should make a point of not missing the really marvellous exhibition of cynanthropy given by the famous old Irish red setter wolfdog formerly known by the sobriquet of Garryowen and recently rechristened by his large circle of friends and acquaintances Owen Garry. The exhibition, which is the result of years of training by kindness and a carefully thoughtout dietary system, comprises, among other achievements, the recitation of verse. Our greatest living phonetic expert (wild horses shall not drag it from us!) has left no stone unturned in his efforts to delucidate and compare the verse recited and has found it bears a striking resemblance (the italics are ours) to the ranns of ancient Celtic bards. We are not speaking so much of those delightful lovesongs with which the writer who conceals his identity under the graceful pseudonym of the Little Sweet Branch has familiarised the bookloving world but rather (as a contributor D. O. C. points out in an interesting communication published by an evening contemporary) of the harsher and more personal note which is found in the satirical effusions of the famous Raftery and of Donal MacConsidine to say nothing of a more modern lyrist at present very much in the public eye. We subjoin a specimen which has been rendered into English by an eminent scholar whose name for the moment we are not at liberty to disclose though we believe that our readers will find the topical allusion rather more than an indication. The metrical system of the canine original, which recalls the intricate alliterative and isosyllabic rules of the Welsh englyn, is infinitely more complicated but we believe our readers will agree that the spirit has been well caught. Perhaps it should be added that the effect is greatly increased if Owen's verse be spoken somewhat slowly and indistinctly in a tone suggestive of suppressed rancour. So he told Terry to bring some water for the dog and, gob, you could hear him lapping it up a mile off. And Joe asked him would he have another. —I will, says he, a chara , to show there's no ill feeling. Gob, he's not as green as he's cabbagelooking. Arsing around from one pub to another, leaving it to your own honour, with old Giltrap's dog and getting fed up by the ratepayers and corporators. Entertainment for man and beast. And says Joe: —Could you make a hole in another pint? —Could a swim duck? says I. —Same again, Terry, says Joe. Are you sure you won't have anything in the way of liquid refreshment? says he. —Thank you, no, says Bloom. As a matter of fact I just wanted to meet Martin Cunningham, don't you see, about this insurance of poor Dignam's. Martin asked me to go to the house. You see, he, Dignam, I mean, didn't serve any notice of the assignment on the company at the time and nominally under the act the mortgagee can't recover on the policy. —Holy Wars, says Joe, laughing, that's a good one if old Shylock is landed. So the wife comes out top dog, what? —Well, that's a point, says Bloom, for the wife's admirers. —Whose admirers? says Joe. —The wife's advisers, I mean, says Bloom. Then he starts all confused mucking it up about mortgagor under the act like the lord chancellor giving it out on the bench and for the benefit of the wife and that a trust is created but on the other hand that Dignam owed Bridgeman the money and if now the wife or the widow contested the mortgagee's right till he near had the head of me addled with his mortgagor under the act. He was bloody safe he wasn't run in himself under the act that time as a rogue and vagabond only he had a friend in court. Selling bazaar tickets or what do you call it royal Hungarian privileged lottery. True as you're there. O, commend me to an israelite! Royal and privileged Hungarian robbery. So Bob Doran comes lurching around asking Bloom to tell Mrs Dignam he was sorry for her trouble and he was very sorry about the funeral and to tell her that he said and everyone who knew him said that there was never a truer, a finer than poor little Willy that's dead to tell her. Choking with bloody foolery. And shaking Bloom's hand doing the tragic to tell her that. Shake hands, brother. You're a rogue and I'm another. —Let me, said he, so far presume upon our acquaintance which, however slight it may appear if judged by the standard of mere time, is founded, as I hope and believe, on a sentiment of mutual esteem as to request of you this favour. But, should I have overstepped the limits of reserve let the sincerity of my feelings be the excuse for my boldness. —No, rejoined the other, I appreciate to the full the motives which actuate your conduct and I shall discharge the office you entrust to me consoled by the reflection that, though the errand be one of sorrow, this proof of your confidence sweetens in some measure the bitterness of the cup. —Then suffer me to take your hand, said he. The goodness of your heart, I feel sure, will dictate to you better than my inadequate words the expressions which are most suitable to convey an emotion whose poignancy, were I to give vent to my feelings, would deprive me even of speech. And off with him and out trying to walk straight. Boosed at five o'clock. Night he was near being lagged only Paddy Leonard knew the bobby, 14A. Blind to the world up in a shebeen in Bride street after closing time, fornicating with two shawls and a bully on guard, drinking porter out of teacups. And calling himself a Frenchy for the shawls, Joseph Manuo, and talking against the Catholic religion, and he serving mass in Adam and Eve's when he was young with his eyes shut, who wrote the new testament, and the old testament, and hugging and smugging. And the two shawls killed with the laughing, picking his pockets, the bloody fool and he spilling the porter all over the bed and the two shawls screeching laughing at one another. How is your testament? Have you got an old testament? Only Paddy was passing there, I tell you what. Then see him of a Sunday with his little concubine of a wife, and she wagging her tail up the aisle of the chapel with her patent boots on her, no less, and her violets, nice as pie, doing the little lady. Jack Mooney's sister. And the old prostitute of a mother procuring rooms to street couples. Gob, Jack made him toe the line. Told him if he didn't patch up the pot, Jesus, he'd kick the shite out of him. So Terry brought the three pints. —Here, says Joe, doing the honours. Here, citizen. — Slan leat , says he. —Fortune, Joe, says I. Good health, citizen. Gob, he had his mouth half way down the tumbler already. Want a small fortune to keep him in drinks. —Who is the long fellow running for the mayoralty, Alf? says Joe. —Friend of yours, says Alf. —Nannan? says Joe. The mimber? —I won't mention any names, says Alf. —I thought so, says Joe. I saw him up at that meeting now with William Field, M. P., the cattle traders. —Hairy Iopas, says the citizen, that exploded volcano, the darling of all countries and the idol of his own. So Joe starts telling the citizen about the foot and mouth disease and the cattle traders and taking action in the matter and the citizen sending them all to the rightabout and Bloom coming out with his sheepdip for the scab and a hoose drench for coughing calves and the guaranteed remedy for timber tongue. Because he was up one time in a knacker's yard. Walking about with his book and pencil here's my head and my heels are coming till Joe Cuffe gave him the order of the boot for giving lip to a grazier. Mister Knowall. Teach your grandmother how to milk ducks. Pisser Burke was telling me in the hotel the wife used to be in rivers of tears some times with Mrs O'Dowd crying her eyes out with her eight inches of fat all over her. Couldn't loosen her farting strings but old cod's eye was waltzing around her showing her how to do it. What's your programme today? Ay. Humane methods. Because the poor animals suffer and experts say and the best known remedy that doesn't cause pain to the animal and on the sore spot administer gently. Gob, he'd have a soft hand under a hen. Ga Ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook. Black Liz is our hen. She lays eggs for us. When she lays her egg she is so glad. Gara. Klook Klook Klook. Then comes good uncle Leo. He puts his hand under black Liz and takes her fresh egg. Ga ga ga ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook. —Anyhow, says Joe, Field and Nannetti are going over tonight to London to ask about it on the floor of the house of commons. —Are you sure, says Bloom, the councillor is going? I wanted to see him, as it happens. —Well, he's going off by the mailboat, says Joe, tonight. —That's too bad, says Bloom. I wanted particularly. Perhaps only Mr Field is going. I couldn't phone. No. You're sure? —Nannan's going too, says Joe. The league told him to ask a question tomorrow about the commissioner of police forbidding Irish games in the park. What do you think of that, citizen? The Sluagh na h-Eireann . Mr Cowe Conacre (Multifarnham. Nat.): Arising out of the question of my honourable friend, the member for Shillelagh, may I ask the right honourable gentleman whether the government has issued orders that these animals shall be slaughtered though no medical evidence is forthcoming as to their pathological condition? Mr Allfours (Tamoshant. Con.): Honourable members are already in possession of the evidence produced before a committee of the whole house. I feel I cannot usefully add anything to that. The answer to the honourable member's question is in the affirmative. Mr Orelli O'Reilly (Montenotte. Nat.): Have similar orders been issued for the slaughter of human animals who dare to play Irish games in the Phoenix park? Mr Allfours: The answer is in the negative. Mr Cowe Conacre: Has the right honourable gentleman's famous Mitchelstown telegram inspired the policy of gentlemen on the Treasury bench? (O! O!) Mr Allfours: I must have notice of that question. Mr Staylewit (Buncombe. Ind.): Don't hesitate to shoot. (Ironical opposition cheers.) The speaker: Order! Order! (The house rises. Cheers.) —There's the man, says Joe, that made the Gaelic sports revival. There he is sitting there. The man that got away James Stephens. The champion of all Ireland at putting the sixteen pound shot. What was your best throw, citizen? — Na bacleis , says the citizen, letting on to be modest. There was a time I was as good as the next fellow anyhow. —Put it there, citizen, says Joe. You were and a bloody sight better. —Is that really a fact? says Alf. —Yes, says Bloom. That's well known. Did you not know that? So off they started about Irish sports and shoneen games the like of lawn tennis and about hurley and putting the stone and racy of the soil and building up a nation once again and all to that. And of course Bloom had to have his say too about if a fellow had a rower's heart violent exercise was bad. I declare to my antimacassar if you took up a straw from the bloody floor and if you said to Bloom: Look at, Bloom. Do you see that straw? That's a straw . Declare to my aunt he'd talk about it for an hour so he would and talk steady. A most interesting discussion took place in the ancient hall of Brian O'ciarnain's in Sraid na Bretaine Bheag , under the auspices of Sluagh na h-Eireann , on the revival of ancient Gaelic sports and the importance of physical culture, as understood in ancient Greece and ancient Rome and ancient Ireland, for the development of the race. The venerable president of the noble order was in the chair and the attendance was of large dimensions. After an instructive discourse by the chairman, a magnificent oration eloquently and forcibly expressed, a most interesting and instructive discussion of the usual high standard of excellence ensued as to the desirability of the revivability of the ancient games and sports of our ancient Panceltic forefathers. The wellknown and highly respected worker in the cause of our old tongue, Mr Joseph M'Carthy Hynes, made an eloquent appeal for the resuscitation of the ancient Gaelic sports and pastimes, practised morning and evening by Finn MacCool, as calculated to revive the best traditions of manly strength and prowess handed down to us from ancient ages. L. Bloom, who met with a mixed reception of applause and hisses, having espoused the negative the vocalist chairman brought the discussion to a close, in response to repeated requests and hearty plaudits from all parts of a bumper house, by a remarkably noteworthy rendering of the immortal Thomas Osborne Davis' evergreen verses (happily too familiar to need recalling here) A nation once again in the execution of which the veteran patriot champion may be said without fear of contradiction to have fairly excelled himself. The Irish Caruso-Garibaldi was in superlative form and his stentorian notes were heard to the greatest advantage in the timehonoured anthem sung as only our citizen can sing it. His superb highclass vocalism, which by its superquality greatly enhanced his already international reputation, was vociferously applauded by the large audience among which were to be noticed many prominent members of the clergy as well as representatives of the press and the bar and the other learned professions. The proceedings then terminated. Amongst the clergy present were the very rev. William Delany, S. J., L. L. D.; the rt rev. Gerald Molloy, D. D.; the rev. P. J. Kavanagh, C. S. Sp.; the rev. T. Waters, C. C.; the rev. John M. Ivers, P. P.; the rev. P. J. Cleary, O. S. F.; the rev. L. J. Hickey, O. P.; the very rev. Fr. Nicholas, O. S. F. C.; the very rev. B. Gorman, O. D. C.; the rev. T. Maher, S. J.; the very rev. James Murphy, S. J.; the rev. John Lavery, V. F.; the very rev. William Doherty, D. D.; the rev. Peter Fagan, O. M.; the rev. T. Brangan, O. S. A.; the rev. J. Flavin, C. C.; the rev. M. A. Hackett, C. C.; the rev. W. Hurley, C. C.; the rt rev. Mgr M'Manus, V. G.; the rev. B. R. Slattery, O. M. I.; the very rev. M. D. Scally, P. P.; the rev. F. T. Purcell, O. P.; the very rev. Timothy canon Gorman, P. P.; the rev. J. Flanagan, C. C. The laity included P. Fay, T. Quirke, etc., etc. —Talking about violent exercise, says Alf, were you at that Keogh-Bennett match? —No, says Joe. —I heard So and So made a cool hundred quid over it, says Alf. —Who? Blazes? says Joe. And says Bloom: —What I meant about tennis, for example, is the agility and training the eye. —Ay, Blazes, says Alf. He let out that Myler was on the beer to run up the odds and he swatting all the time. —We know him, says the citizen. The traitor's son. We know what put English gold in his pocket. —-True for you, says Joe. And Bloom cuts in again about lawn tennis and the circulation of the blood, asking Alf: —Now, don't you think, Bergan? —Myler dusted the floor with him, says Alf. Heenan and Sayers was only a bloody fool to it. Handed him the father and mother of a beating. See the little kipper not up to his navel and the big fellow swiping. God, he gave him one last puck in the wind, Queensberry rules and all, made him puke what he never ate. It was a historic and a hefty battle when Myler and Percy were scheduled to don the gloves for the purse of fifty sovereigns. Handicapped as he was by lack of poundage, Dublin's pet lamb made up for it by superlative skill in ringcraft. The final bout of fireworks was a gruelling for both champions. The welterweight sergeantmajor had tapped some lively claret in the previous mixup during which Keogh had been receivergeneral of rights and lefts, the artilleryman putting in some neat work on the pet's nose, and Myler came on looking groggy. The soldier got to business, leading off with a powerful left jab to which the Irish gladiator retaliated by shooting out a stiff one flush to the point of Bennett's jaw. The redcoat ducked but the Dubliner lifted him with a left hook, the body punch being a fine one. The men came to handigrips. Myler quickly became busy and got his man under, the bout ending with the bulkier man on the ropes, Myler punishing him. The Englishman, whose right eye was nearly closed, took his corner where he was liberally drenched with water and when the bell went came on gamey and brimful of pluck, confident of knocking out the fistic Eblanite in jigtime. It was a fight to a finish and the best man for it. The two fought like tigers and excitement ran fever high. The referee twice cautioned Pucking Percy for holding but the pet was tricky and his footwork a treat to watch. After a brisk exchange of courtesies during which a smart upper cut of the military man brought blood freely from his opponent's mouth the lamb suddenly waded in all over his man and landed a terrific left to Battling Bennett's stomach, flooring him flat. It was a knockout clean and clever. Amid tense expectation the Portobello bruiser was being counted out when Bennett's second Ole Pfotts Wettstein threw in the towel and the Santry boy was declared victor to the frenzied cheers of the public who broke through the ringropes and fairly mobbed him with delight. —He knows which side his bread is buttered, says Alf. I hear he's running a concert tour now up in the north. —He is, says Joe. Isn't he? —Who? says Bloom. Ah, yes. That's quite true. Yes, a kind of summer tour, you see. Just a holiday. —Mrs B. is the bright particular star, isn't she? says Joe. —My wife? says Bloom. She's singing, yes. I think it will be a success too. He's an excellent man to organise. Excellent. Hoho begob says I to myself says I. That explains the milk in the cocoanut and absence of hair on the animal's chest. Blazes doing the tootle on the flute. Concert tour. Dirty Dan the dodger's son off Island bridge that sold the same horses twice over to the government to fight the Boers. Old Whatwhat. I called about the poor and water rate, Mr Boylan. You what? The water rate, Mr Boylan. You whatwhat? That's the bucko that'll organise her, take my tip. 'Twixt me and you Caddareesh. Pride of Calpe's rocky mount, the ravenhaired daughter of Tweedy. There grew she to peerless beauty where loquat and almond scent the air. The gardens of Alameda knew her step: the garths of olives knew and bowed. The chaste spouse of Leopold is she: Marion of the bountiful bosoms. And lo, there entered one of the clan of the O'Molloy's, a comely hero of white face yet withal somewhat ruddy, his majesty's counsel learned in the law, and with him the prince and heir of the noble line of Lambert. —Hello, Ned. —Hello, Alf. —Hello, Jack. —Hello, Joe. —God save you, says the citizen. —Save you kindly, says J. J. What'll it be, Ned? —Half one, says Ned. So J. J. ordered the drinks. —Were you round at the court? says Joe. —Yes, says J. J. He'll square that, Ned, says he. —Hope so, says Ned. Now what were those two at? J. J. getting him off the grand jury list and the other give him a leg over the stile. With his name in Stubbs's. Playing cards, hobnobbing with flash toffs with a swank glass in their eye, adrinking fizz and he half smothered in writs and garnishee orders. Pawning his gold watch in Cummins of Francis street where no-one would know him in the private office when I was there with Pisser releasing his boots out of the pop. What's your name, sir? Dunne, says he. Ay, and done says I. Gob, he'll come home by weeping cross one of those days, I'm thinking. —Did you see that bloody lunatic Breen round there? says Alf. U. p: up. —Yes, says J. J. Looking for a private detective. —Ay, says Ned. And he wanted right go wrong to address the court only Corny Kelleher got round him telling him to get the handwriting examined first. —Ten thousand pounds, says Alf, laughing. God, I'd give anything to hear him before a judge and jury. —Was it you did it, Alf? says Joe. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Jimmy Johnson. —Me? says Alf. Don't cast your nasturtiums on my character. —Whatever statement you make, says Joe, will be taken down in evidence against you. —Of course an action would lie, says J. J. It implies that he is not compos mentis . U. p: up. —Compos your eye! says Alf, laughing. Do you know that he's balmy? Look at his head. Do you know that some mornings he has to get his hat on with a shoehorn. —Yes, says J. J., but the truth of a libel is no defence to an indictment for publishing it in the eyes of the law. —Ha ha, Alf, says Joe. —Still, says Bloom, on account of the poor woman, I mean his wife. —Pity about her, says the citizen. Or any other woman marries a half and half. —How half and half? says Bloom. Do you mean he... —Half and half I mean, says the citizen. A fellow that's neither fish nor flesh. —Nor good red herring, says Joe. —That what's I mean, says the citizen. A pishogue, if you know what that is. Begob I saw there was trouble coming. And Bloom explaining he meant on account of it being cruel for the wife having to go round after the old stuttering fool. Cruelty to animals so it is to let that bloody povertystricken Breen out on grass with his beard out tripping him, bringing down the rain. And she with her nose cockahoop after she married him because a cousin of his old fellow's was pewopener to the pope. Picture of him on the wall with his Smashall Sweeney's moustaches, the signior Brini from Summerhill, the eyetallyano, papal Zouave to the Holy Father, has left the quay and gone to Moss street. And who was he, tell us? A nobody, two pair back and passages, at seven shillings a week, and he covered with all kinds of breastplates bidding defiance to the world. —And moreover, says J. J., a postcard is publication. It was held to be sufficient evidence of malice in the testcase Sadgrove v. Hole. In my opinion an action might lie. Six and eightpence, please. Who wants your opinion? Let us drink our pints in peace. Gob, we won't be let even do that much itself. —Well, good health, Jack, says Ned. —Good health, Ned, says J. J. —-There he is again, says Joe. —Where? says Alf. And begob there he was passing the door with his books under his oxter and the wife beside him and Corny Kelleher with his wall eye looking in as they went past, talking to him like a father, trying to sell him a secondhand coffin. —How did that Canada swindle case go off? says Joe. —Remanded, says J. J. One of the bottlenosed fraternity it was went by the name of James Wought alias Saphiro alias Spark and Spiro, put an ad in the papers saying he'd give a passage to Canada for twenty bob. What? Do you see any green in the white of my eye? Course it was a bloody barney. What? Swindled them all, skivvies and badhachs from the county Meath, ay, and his own kidney too. J. J. was telling us there was an ancient Hebrew Zaretsky or something weeping in the witnessbox with his hat on him, swearing by the holy Moses he was stuck for two quid. —Who tried the case? says Joe. —Recorder, says Ned. —Poor old sir Frederick, says Alf, you can cod him up to the two eyes. —Heart as big as a lion, says Ned. Tell him a tale of woe about arrears of rent and a sick wife and a squad of kids and, faith, he'll dissolve in tears on the bench. —Ay, says Alf. Reuben J was bloody lucky he didn't clap him in the dock the other day for suing poor little Gumley that's minding stones, for the corporation there near Butt bridge. And he starts taking off the old recorder letting on to cry: —A most scandalous thing! This poor hardworking man! How many children? Ten, did you say? —Yes, your worship. And my wife has the typhoid. —And the wife with typhoid fever! Scandalous! Leave the court immediately, sir. No, sir, I'll make no order for payment. How dare you, sir, come up before me and ask me to make an order! A poor hardworking industrious man! I dismiss the case. And whereas on the sixteenth day of the month of the oxeyed goddess and in the third week after the feastday of the Holy and Undivided Trinity, the daughter of the skies, the virgin moon being then in her first quarter, it came to pass that those learned judges repaired them to the halls of law. There master Courtenay, sitting in his own chamber, gave his rede and master Justice Andrews, sitting without a jury in the probate court, weighed well and pondered the claim of the first chargeant upon the property in the matter of the will propounded and final testamentary disposition in re the real and personal estate of the late lamented Jacob Halliday, vintner, deceased, versus Livingstone, an infant, of unsound mind, and another. And to the solemn court of Green street there came sir Frederick the Falconer. And he sat him there about the hour of five o'clock to administer the law of the brehons at the commission for all that and those parts to be holden in and for the county of the city of Dublin. And there sat with him the high sinhedrim of the twelve tribes of Iar, for every tribe one man, of the tribe of Patrick and of the tribe of Hugh and of the tribe of Owen and of the tribe of Conn and of the tribe of Oscar and of the tribe of Fergus and of the tribe of Finn and of the tribe of Dermot and of the tribe of Cormac and of the tribe of Kevin and of the tribe of Caolte and of the tribe of Ossian, there being in all twelve good men and true. And he conjured them by Him who died on rood that they should well and truly try and true deliverance make in the issue joined between their sovereign lord the king and the prisoner at the bar and true verdict give according to the evidence so help them God and kiss the book. And they rose in their seats, those twelve of Iar, and they swore by the name of Him Who is from everlasting that they would do His rightwiseness. And straightway the minions of the law led forth from their donjon keep one whom the sleuthhounds of justice had apprehended in consequence of information received. And they shackled him hand and foot and would take of him ne bail ne mainprise but preferred a charge against him for he was a malefactor. —Those are nice things, says the citizen, coming over here to Ireland filling the country with bugs. So Bloom lets on he heard nothing and he starts talking with Joe, telling him he needn't trouble about that little matter till the first but if he would just say a word to Mr Crawford. And so Joe swore high and holy by this and by that he'd do the devil and all. —Because, you see, says Bloom, for an advertisement you must have repetition. That's the whole secret. —Rely on me, says Joe. —Swindling the peasants, says the citizen, and the poor of Ireland. We want no more strangers in our house. —O, I'm sure that will be all right, Hynes, says Bloom. It's just that Keyes, you see. —Consider that done, says Joe. —Very kind of you, says Bloom. —The strangers, says the citizen. Our own fault. We let them come in. We brought them in. The adulteress and her paramour brought the Saxon robbers here. —Decree nisi, says J. J. And Bloom letting on to be awfully deeply interested in nothing, a spider's web in the corner behind the barrel, and the citizen scowling after him and the old dog at his feet looking up to know who to bite and when. —A dishonoured wife, says the citizen, that's what's the cause of all our misfortunes. —And here she is, says Alf, that was giggling over the Police Gazette with Terry on the counter, in all her warpaint. —Give us a squint at her, says I. And what was it only one of the smutty yankee pictures Terry borrows off of Corny Kelleher. Secrets for enlarging your private parts. Misconduct of society belle. Norman W. Tupper, wealthy Chicago contractor, finds pretty but faithless wife in lap of officer Taylor. Belle in her bloomers misconducting herself, and her fancyman feeling for her tickles and Norman W. Tupper bouncing in with his peashooter just in time to be late after she doing the trick of the loop with officer Taylor. —O jakers, Jenny, says Joe, how short your shirt is! —There's hair, Joe, says I. Get a queer old tailend of corned beef off of that one, what? So anyhow in came John Wyse Nolan and Lenehan with him with a face on him as long as a late breakfast. —Well, says the citizen, what's the latest from the scene of action? What did those tinkers in the city hall at their caucus meeting decide about the Irish language? O'Nolan, clad in shining armour, low bending made obeisance to the puissant and high and mighty chief of all Erin and did him to wit of that which had befallen, how that the grave elders of the most obedient city, second of the realm, had met them in the tholsel, and there, after due prayers to the gods who dwell in ether supernal, had taken solemn counsel whereby they might, if so be it might be, bring once more into honour among mortal men the winged speech of the seadivided Gael. —It's on the march, says the citizen. To hell with the bloody brutal Sassenachs and their patois. So J. J. puts in a word, doing the toff about one story was good till you heard another and blinking facts and the Nelson policy, putting your blind eye to the telescope and drawing up a bill of attainder to impeach a nation, and Bloom trying to back him up moderation and botheration and their colonies and their civilisation. —Their syphilisation, you mean, says the citizen. To hell with them! The curse of a goodfornothing God light sideways on the bloody thicklugged sons of whores' gets! No music and no art and no literature worthy of the name. Any civilisation they have they stole from us. Tonguetied sons of bastards' ghosts. —The European family, says J. J.... —They're not European, says the citizen. I was in Europe with Kevin Egan of Paris. You wouldn't see a trace of them or their language anywhere in Europe except in a cabinet d'aisance. And says John Wyse: —Full many a flower is born to blush unseen. And says Lenehan that knows a bit of the lingo: — Conspuez les Anglais! Perfide Albion! He said and then lifted he in his rude great brawny strengthy hands the medher of dark strong foamy ale and, uttering his tribal slogan Lamh Dearg Abu , he drank to the undoing of his foes, a race of mighty valorous heroes, rulers of the waves, who sit on thrones of alabaster silent as the deathless gods. —What's up with you, says I to Lenehan. You look like a fellow that had lost a bob and found a tanner. —Gold cup, says he. —Who won, Mr Lenehan? says Terry. —Throwaway, says he, at twenty to one. A rank outsider. And the rest nowhere. —And Bass's mare? says Terry. —Still running, says he. We're all in a cart. Boylan plunged two quid on my tip Sceptre for himself and a lady friend. —I had half a crown myself, says Terry, on Zinfandel that Mr Flynn gave me. Lord Howard de Walden's. —Twenty to one, says Lenehan. Such is life in an outhouse. Throwaway, says he. Takes the biscuit, and talking about bunions. Frailty, thy name is Sceptre. So he went over to the biscuit tin Bob Doran left to see if there was anything he could lift on the nod, the old cur after him backing his luck with his mangy snout up. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard. —Not there, my child, says he. —Keep your pecker up, says Joe. She'd have won the money only for the other dog. And J. J. and the citizen arguing about law and history with Bloom sticking in an odd word. —Some people, says Bloom, can see the mote in others' eyes but they can't see the beam in their own. — Raimeis , says the citizen. There's no-one as blind as the fellow that won't see, if you know what that means. Where are our missing twenty millions of Irish should be here today instead of four, our lost tribes? And our potteries and textiles, the finest in the whole world! And our wool that was sold in Rome in the time of Juvenal and our flax and our damask from the looms of Antrim and our Limerick lace, our tanneries and our white flint glass down there by Ballybough and our Huguenot poplin that we have since Jacquard de Lyon and our woven silk and our Foxford tweeds and ivory raised point from the Carmelite convent in New Ross, nothing like it in the whole wide world. Where are the Greek merchants that came through the pillars of Hercules, the Gibraltar now grabbed by the foe of mankind, with gold and Tyrian purple to sell in Wexford at the fair of Carmen? Read Tacitus and Ptolemy, even Giraldus Cambrensis. Wine, peltries, Connemara marble, silver from Tipperary, second to none, our farfamed horses even today, the Irish hobbies, with king Philip of Spain offering to pay customs duties for the right to fish in our waters. What do the yellowjohns of Anglia owe us for our ruined trade and our ruined hearths? And the beds of the Barrow and Shannon they won't deepen with millions of acres of marsh and bog to make us all die of consumption? —As treeless as Portugal we'll be soon, says John Wyse, or Heligoland with its one tree if something is not done to reafforest the land. Larches, firs, all the trees of the conifer family are going fast. I was reading a report of lord Castletown's... —Save them, says the citizen, the giant ash of Galway and the chieftain elm of Kildare with a fortyfoot bole and an acre of foliage. Save the trees of Ireland for the future men of Ireland on the fair hills of Eire, O. —Europe has its eyes on you, says Lenehan. The fashionable international world attended EN MASSE this afternoon at the wedding of the chevalier Jean Wyse de Neaulan, grand high chief ranger of the Irish National Foresters, with Miss Fir Conifer of Pine Valley. Lady Sylvester Elmshade, Mrs Barbara Lovebirch, Mrs Poll Ash, Mrs Holly Hazeleyes, Miss Daphne Bays, Miss Dorothy Canebrake, Mrs Clyde Twelvetrees, Mrs Rowan Greene, Mrs Helen Vinegadding, Miss Virginia Creeper, Miss Gladys Beech, Miss Olive Garth, Miss Blanche Maple, Mrs Maud Mahogany, Miss Myra Myrtle, Miss Priscilla Elderflower, Miss Bee Honeysuckle, Miss Grace Poplar, Miss O Mimosa San, Miss Rachel Cedarfrond, the Misses Lilian and Viola Lilac, Miss Timidity Aspenall, Mrs Kitty Dewey-Mosse, Miss May Hawthorne, Mrs Gloriana Palme, Mrs Liana Forrest, Mrs Arabella Blackwood and Mrs Norma Holyoake of Oakholme Regis graced the ceremony by their presence. The bride who was given away by her father, the M'Conifer of the Glands, looked exquisitely charming in a creation carried out in green mercerised silk, moulded on an underslip of gloaming grey, sashed with a yoke of broad emerald and finished with a triple flounce of darkerhued fringe, the scheme being relieved by bretelles and hip insertions of acorn bronze. The maids of honour, Miss Larch Conifer and Miss Spruce Conifer, sisters of the bride, wore very becoming costumes in the same tone, a dainty motif of plume rose being worked into the pleats in a pinstripe and repeated capriciously in the jadegreen toques in the form of heron feathers of paletinted coral. Senhor Enrique Flor presided at the organ with his wellknown ability and, in addition to the prescribed numbers of the nuptial mass, played a new and striking arrangement of Woodman, spare that tree at the conclusion of the service. On leaving the church of Saint Fiacre in Horto after the papal blessing the happy pair were subjected to a playful crossfire of hazelnuts, beechmast, bayleaves, catkins of willow, ivytod, hollyberries, mistletoe sprigs and quicken shoots. Mr and Mrs Wyse Conifer Neaulan will spend a quiet honeymoon in the Black Forest. —And our eyes are on Europe, says the citizen. We had our trade with Spain and the French and with the Flemings before those mongrels were pupped, Spanish ale in Galway, the winebark on the winedark waterway. —And will again, says Joe. —And with the help of the holy mother of God we will again, says the citizen, clapping his thigh, our harbours that are empty will be full again, Queenstown, Kinsale, Galway, Blacksod Bay, Ventry in the kingdom of Kerry, Killybegs, the third largest harbour in the wide world with a fleet of masts of the Galway Lynches and the Cavan O'Reillys and the O'Kennedys of Dublin when the earl of Desmond could make a treaty with the emperor Charles the Fifth himself. And will again, says he, when the first Irish battleship is seen breasting the waves with our own flag to the fore, none of your Henry Tudor's harps, no, the oldest flag afloat, the flag of the province of Desmond and Thomond, three crowns on a blue field, the three sons of Milesius. And he took the last swig out of the pint. Moya. All wind and piss like a tanyard cat. Cows in Connacht have long horns. As much as his bloody life is worth to go down and address his tall talk to the assembled multitude in Shanagolden where he daren't show his nose with the Molly Maguires looking for him to let daylight through him for grabbing the holding of an evicted tenant. —Hear, hear to that, says John Wyse. What will you have? —An imperial yeomanry, says Lenehan, to celebrate the occasion. —Half one, Terry, says John Wyse, and a hands up. Terry! Are you asleep? —Yes, sir, says Terry. Small whisky and bottle of Allsop. Right, sir. Hanging over the bloody paper with Alf looking for spicy bits instead of attending to the general public. Picture of a butting match, trying to crack their bloody skulls, one chap going for the other with his head down like a bull at a gate. And another one: Black Beast Burned in Omaha, Ga . A lot of Deadwood Dicks in slouch hats and they firing at a Sambo strung up in a tree with his tongue out and a bonfire under him. Gob, they ought to drown him in the sea after and electrocute and crucify him to make sure of their job. —But what about the fighting navy, says Ned, that keeps our foes at bay? —I'll tell you what about it, says the citizen. Hell upon earth it is. Read the revelations that's going on in the papers about flogging on the training ships at Portsmouth. A fellow writes that calls himself Disgusted One . So he starts telling us about corporal punishment and about the crew of tars and officers and rearadmirals drawn up in cocked hats and the parson with his protestant bible to witness punishment and a young lad brought out, howling for his ma, and they tie him down on the buttend of a gun. —A rump and dozen, says the citizen, was what that old ruffian sir John Beresford called it but the modern God's Englishman calls it caning on the breech. And says John Wyse: —'Tis a custom more honoured in the breach than in the observance. Then he was telling us the master at arms comes along with a long cane and he draws out and he flogs the bloody backside off of the poor lad till he yells meila murder. —That's your glorious British navy, says the citizen, that bosses the earth. The fellows that never will be slaves, with the only hereditary chamber on the face of God's earth and their land in the hands of a dozen gamehogs and cottonball barons. That's the great empire they boast about of drudges and whipped serfs. —On which the sun never rises, says Joe. —And the tragedy of it is, says the citizen, they believe it. The unfortunate yahoos believe it. They believe in rod, the scourger almighty, creator of hell upon earth, and in Jacky Tar, the son of a gun, who was conceived of unholy boast, born of the fighting navy, suffered under rump and dozen, was scarified, flayed and curried, yelled like bloody hell, the third day he arose again from the bed, steered into haven, sitteth on his beamend till further orders whence he shall come to drudge for a living and be paid. —But, says Bloom, isn't discipline the same everywhere. I mean wouldn't it be the same here if you put force against force? Didn't I tell you? As true as I'm drinking this porter if he was at his last gasp he'd try to downface you that dying was living. —We'll put force against force, says the citizen. We have our greater Ireland beyond the sea. They were driven out of house and home in the black 47. Their mudcabins and their shielings by the roadside were laid low by the batteringram and the Times rubbed its hands and told the whitelivered Saxons there would soon be as few Irish in Ireland as redskins in America. Even the Grand Turk sent us his piastres. But the Sassenach tried to starve the nation at home while the land was full of crops that the British hyenas bought and sold in Rio de Janeiro. Ay, they drove out the peasants in hordes. Twenty thousand of them died in the coffinships. But those that came to the land of the free remember the land of bondage. And they will come again and with a vengeance, no cravens, the sons of Granuaile, the champions of Kathleen ni Houlihan. —Perfectly true, says Bloom. But my point was... —We are a long time waiting for that day, citizen, says Ned. Since the poor old woman told us that the French were on the sea and landed at Killala. —Ay, says John Wyse. We fought for the royal Stuarts that reneged us against the Williamites and they betrayed us. Remember Limerick and the broken treatystone. We gave our best blood to France and Spain, the wild geese. Fontenoy, eh? And Sarsfield and O'Donnell, duke of Tetuan in Spain, and Ulysses Browne of Camus that was fieldmarshal to Maria Teresa. But what did we ever get for it? —The French! says the citizen. Set of dancing masters! Do you know what it is? They were never worth a roasted fart to Ireland. Aren't they trying to make an Entente cordiale now at Tay Pay's dinnerparty with perfidious Albion? Firebrands of Europe and they always were. — Conspuez les Français , says Lenehan, nobbling his beer. —And as for the Prooshians and the Hanoverians, says Joe, haven't we had enough of those sausageeating bastards on the throne from George the elector down to the German lad and the flatulent old bitch that's dead? Jesus, I had to laugh at the way he came out with that about the old one with the winkers on her, blind drunk in her royal palace every night of God, old Vic, with her jorum of mountain dew and her coachman carting her up body and bones to roll into bed and she pulling him by the whiskers and singing him old bits of songs about Ehren on the Rhine and come where the boose is cheaper. —Well, says J. J. We have Edward the peacemaker now. —Tell that to a fool, says the citizen. There's a bloody sight more pox than pax about that boyo. Edward Guelph-Wettin! —And what do you think, says Joe, of the holy boys, the priests and bishops of Ireland doing up his room in Maynooth in His Satanic Majesty's racing colours and sticking up pictures of all the horses his jockeys rode. The earl of Dublin, no less. —They ought to have stuck up all the women he rode himself, says little Alf. And says J. J.: —Considerations of space influenced their lordships' decision. —Will you try another, citizen? says Joe. —Yes, sir, says he. I will. —You? says Joe. —Beholden to you, Joe, says I. May your shadow never grow less. —Repeat that dose, says Joe. Bloom was talking and talking with John Wyse and he quite excited with his dunducketymudcoloured mug on him and his old plumeyes rolling about. —Persecution, says he, all the history of the world is full of it. Perpetuating national hatred among nations. —But do you know what a nation means? says John Wyse. —Yes, says Bloom. —What is it? says John Wyse. —A nation? says Bloom. A nation is the same people living in the same place. —By God, then, says Ned, laughing, if that's so I'm a nation for I'm living in the same place for the past five years. So of course everyone had the laugh at Bloom and says he, trying to muck out of it: —Or also living in different places. —That covers my case, says Joe. —What is your nation if I may ask? says the citizen. —Ireland, says Bloom. I was born here. Ireland. The citizen said nothing only cleared the spit out of his gullet and, gob, he spat a Red bank oyster out of him right in the corner. —After you with the push, Joe, says he, taking out his handkerchief to swab himself dry. —Here you are, citizen, says Joe. Take that in your right hand and repeat after me the following words. The muchtreasured and intricately embroidered ancient Irish facecloth attributed to Solomon of Droma and Manus Tomaltach og MacDonogh, authors of the Book of Ballymote, was then carefully produced and called forth prolonged admiration. No need to dwell on the legendary beauty of the cornerpieces, the acme of art, wherein one can distinctly discern each of the four evangelists in turn presenting to each of the four masters his evangelical symbol, a bogoak sceptre, a North American puma (a far nobler king of beasts than the British article, be it said in passing), a Kerry calf and a golden eagle from Carrantuohill. The scenes depicted on the emunctory field, showing our ancient duns and raths and cromlechs and grianauns and seats of learning and maledictive stones, are as wonderfully beautiful and the pigments as delicate as when the Sligo illuminators gave free rein to their artistic fantasy long long ago in the time of the Barmecides. Glendalough, the lovely lakes of Killarney, the ruins of Clonmacnois, Cong Abbey, Glen Inagh and the Twelve Pins, Ireland's Eye, the Green Hills of Tallaght, Croagh Patrick, the brewery of Messrs Arthur Guinness, Son and Company (Limited), Lough Neagh's banks, the vale of Ovoca, Isolde's tower, the Mapas obelisk, Sir Patrick Dun's hospital, Cape Clear, the glen of Aherlow, Lynch's castle, the Scotch house, Rathdown Union Workhouse at Loughlinstown, Tullamore jail, Castleconnel rapids, Kilballymacshonakill, the cross at Monasterboice, Jury's Hotel, S. Patrick's Purgatory, the Salmon Leap, Maynooth college refectory, Curley's hole, the three birthplaces of the first duke of Wellington, the rock of Cashel, the bog of Allen, the Henry Street Warehouse, Fingal's Cave—all these moving scenes are still there for us today rendered more beautiful still by the waters of sorrow which have passed over them and by the rich incrustations of time. —Show us over the drink, says I. Which is which? —That's mine, says Joe, as the devil said to the dead policeman. —And I belong to a race too, says Bloom, that is hated and persecuted. Also now. This very moment. This very instant. Gob, he near burnt his fingers with the butt of his old cigar. —Robbed, says he. Plundered. Insulted. Persecuted. Taking what belongs to us by right. At this very moment, says he, putting up his fist, sold by auction in Morocco like slaves or cattle. —Are you talking about the new Jerusalem? says the citizen. —I'm talking about injustice, says Bloom. —Right, says John Wyse. Stand up to it then with force like men. That's an almanac picture for you. Mark for a softnosed bullet. Old lardyface standing up to the business end of a gun. Gob, he'd adorn a sweepingbrush, so he would, if he only had a nurse's apron on him. And then he collapses all of a sudden, twisting around all the opposite, as limp as a wet rag. —But it's no use, says he. Force, hatred, history, all that. That's not life for men and women, insult and hatred. And everybody knows that it's the very opposite of that that is really life. —What? says Alf. —Love, says Bloom. I mean the opposite of hatred. I must go now, says he to John Wyse. Just round to the court a moment to see if Martin is there. If he comes just say I'll be back in a second. Just a moment. Who's hindering you? And off he pops like greased lightning. —A new apostle to the gentiles, says the citizen. Universal love. —Well, says John Wyse. Isn't that what we're told. Love your neighbour. —That chap? says the citizen. Beggar my neighbour is his motto. Love, moya! He's a nice pattern of a Romeo and Juliet. Love loves to love love. Nurse loves the new chemist. Constable 14A loves Mary Kelly. Gerty MacDowell loves the boy that has the bicycle. M. B. loves a fair gentleman. Li Chi Han lovey up kissy Cha Pu Chow. Jumbo, the elephant, loves Alice, the elephant. Old Mr Verschoyle with the ear trumpet loves old Mrs Verschoyle with the turnedin eye. The man in the brown macintosh loves a lady who is dead. His Majesty the King loves Her Majesty the Queen. Mrs Norman W. Tupper loves officer Taylor. You love a certain person. And this person loves that other person because everybody loves somebody but God loves everybody. —Well, Joe, says I, your very good health and song. More power, citizen. —Hurrah, there, says Joe. —The blessing of God and Mary and Patrick on you, says the citizen. And he ups with his pint to wet his whistle. —We know those canters, says he, preaching and picking your pocket. What about sanctimonious Cromwell and his ironsides that put the women and children of Drogheda to the sword with the bible text God is love pasted round the mouth of his cannon? The bible! Did you read that skit in the United Irishman today about that Zulu chief that's visiting England? —What's that? says Joe. So the citizen takes up one of his paraphernalia papers and he starts reading out: —A delegation of the chief cotton magnates of Manchester was presented yesterday to His Majesty the Alaki of Abeakuta by Gold Stick in Waiting, Lord Walkup of Walkup on Eggs, to tender to His Majesty the heartfelt thanks of British traders for the facilities afforded them in his dominions. The delegation partook of luncheon at the conclusion of which the dusky potentate, in the course of a happy speech, freely translated by the British chaplain, the reverend Ananias Praisegod Barebones, tendered his best thanks to Massa Walkup and emphasised the cordial relations existing between Abeakuta and the British empire, stating that he treasured as one of his dearest possessions an illuminated bible, the volume of the word of God and the secret of England's greatness, graciously presented to him by the white chief woman, the great squaw Victoria, with a personal dedication from the august hand of the Royal Donor. The Alaki then drank a lovingcup of firstshot usquebaugh to the toast Black and White from the skull of his immediate predecessor in the dynasty Kakachakachak, surnamed Forty Warts, after which he visited the chief factory of Cottonopolis and signed his mark in the visitors' book, subsequently executing a charming old Abeakutic wardance, in the course of which he swallowed several knives and forks, amid hilarious applause from the girl hands. —Widow woman, says Ned. I wouldn't doubt her. Wonder did he put that bible to the same use as I would. —Same only more so, says Lenehan. And thereafter in that fruitful land the broadleaved mango flourished exceedingly. —Is that by Griffith? says John Wyse. —No, says the citizen. It's not signed Shanganagh. It's only initialled: P. —And a very good initial too, says Joe. —That's how it's worked, says the citizen. Trade follows the flag. —Well, says J. J., if they're any worse than those Belgians in the Congo Free State they must be bad. Did you read that report by a man what's this his name is? —Casement, says the citizen. He's an Irishman. —Yes, that's the man, says J. J. Raping the women and girls and flogging the natives on the belly to squeeze all the red rubber they can out of them. —I know where he's gone, says Lenehan, cracking his fingers. —Who? says I. —Bloom, says he. The courthouse is a blind. He had a few bob on Throwaway and he's gone to gather in the shekels. —Is it that whiteeyed kaffir? says the citizen, that never backed a horse in anger in his life? —That's where he's gone, says Lenehan. I met Bantam Lyons going to back that horse only I put him off it and he told me Bloom gave him the tip. Bet you what you like he has a hundred shillings to five on. He's the only man in Dublin has it. A dark horse. —He's a bloody dark horse himself, says Joe. —Mind, Joe, says I. Show us the entrance out. —There you are, says Terry. Goodbye Ireland I'm going to Gort. So I just went round the back of the yard to pumpship and begob (hundred shillings to five) while I was letting off my (Throwaway twenty to) letting off my load gob says I to myself I knew he was uneasy in his (two pints off of Joe and one in Slattery's off) in his mind to get off the mark to (hundred shillings is five quid) and when they were in the (dark horse) pisser Burke was telling me card party and letting on the child was sick (gob, must have done about a gallon) flabbyarse of a wife speaking down the tube she's better or she's (ow!) all a plan so he could vamoose with the pool if he won or (Jesus, full up I was) trading without a licence (ow!) Ireland my nation says he (hoik! phthook!) never be up to those bloody (there's the last of it) Jerusalem (ah!) cuckoos. So anyhow when I got back they were at it dingdong, John Wyse saying it was Bloom gave the ideas for Sinn Fein to Griffith to put in his paper all kinds of jerrymandering, packed juries and swindling the taxes off of the government and appointing consuls all over the world to walk about selling Irish industries. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Gob, that puts the bloody kybosh on it if old sloppy eyes is mucking up the show. Give us a bloody chance. God save Ireland from the likes of that bloody mouseabout. Mr Bloom with his argol bargol. And his old fellow before him perpetrating frauds, old Methusalem Bloom, the robbing bagman, that poisoned himself with the prussic acid after he swamping the country with his baubles and his penny diamonds. Loans by post on easy terms. Any amount of money advanced on note of hand. Distance no object. No security. Gob, he's like Lanty MacHale's goat that'd go a piece of the road with every one. —Well, it's a fact, says John Wyse. And there's the man now that'll tell you all about it, Martin Cunningham. Sure enough the castle car drove up with Martin on it and Jack Power with him and a fellow named Crofter or Crofton, pensioner out of the collector general's, an orangeman Blackburn does have on the registration and he drawing his pay or Crawford gallivanting around the country at the king's expense. Our travellers reached the rustic hostelry and alighted from their palfreys. —Ho, varlet! cried he, who by his mien seemed the leader of the party. Saucy knave! To us! So saying he knocked loudly with his swordhilt upon the open lattice. Mine host came forth at the summons, girding him with his tabard. —Give you good den, my masters, said he with an obsequious bow. —Bestir thyself, sirrah! cried he who had knocked. Look to our steeds. And for ourselves give us of your best for ifaith we need it. —Lackaday, good masters, said the host, my poor house has but a bare larder. I know not what to offer your lordships. —How now, fellow? cried the second of the party, a man of pleasant countenance, So servest thou the king's messengers, master Taptun? An instantaneous change overspread the landlord's visage. —Cry you mercy, gentlemen, he said humbly. An you be the king's messengers (God shield His Majesty!) you shall not want for aught. The king's friends (God bless His Majesty!) shall not go afasting in my house I warrant me. —Then about! cried the traveller who had not spoken, a lusty trencherman by his aspect. Hast aught to give us? Mine host bowed again as he made answer: —What say you, good masters, to a squab pigeon pasty, some collops of venison, a saddle of veal, widgeon with crisp hog's bacon, a boar's head with pistachios, a bason of jolly custard, a medlar tansy and a flagon of old Rhenish? —Gadzooks! cried the last speaker. That likes me well. Pistachios! —Aha! cried he of the pleasant countenance. A poor house and a bare larder, quotha! 'Tis a merry rogue. So in comes Martin asking where was Bloom. —Where is he? says Lenehan. Defrauding widows and orphans. —Isn't that a fact, says John Wyse, what I was telling the citizen about Bloom and the Sinn Fein? —That's so, says Martin. Or so they allege. —Who made those allegations? says Alf. —I, says Joe. I'm the alligator. —And after all, says John Wyse, why can't a jew love his country like the next fellow? —Why not? says J. J., when he's quite sure which country it is. —Is he a jew or a gentile or a holy Roman or a swaddler or what the hell is he? says Ned. Or who is he? No offence, Crofton. —Who is Junius? says J. J. —We don't want him, says Crofter the Orangeman or presbyterian. —He's a perverted jew, says Martin, from a place in Hungary and it was he drew up all the plans according to the Hungarian system. We know that in the castle. —Isn't he a cousin of Bloom the dentist? says Jack Power. —Not at all, says Martin. Only namesakes. His name was Virag, the father's name that poisoned himself. He changed it by deedpoll, the father did. —That's the new Messiah for Ireland! says the citizen. Island of saints and sages! —Well, they're still waiting for their redeemer, says Martin. For that matter so are we. —Yes, says J. J., and every male that's born they think it may be their Messiah. And every jew is in a tall state of excitement, I believe, till he knows if he's a father or a mother. —Expecting every moment will be his next, says Lenehan. —O, by God, says Ned, you should have seen Bloom before that son of his that died was born. I met him one day in the south city markets buying a tin of Neave's food six weeks before the wife was delivered. — En ventre sa mère , says J. J. —Do you call that a man? says the citizen. —I wonder did he ever put it out of sight, says Joe. —Well, there were two children born anyhow, says Jack Power. —And who does he suspect? says the citizen. Gob, there's many a true word spoken in jest. One of those mixed middlings he is. Lying up in the hotel Pisser was telling me once a month with headache like a totty with her courses. Do you know what I'm telling you? It'd be an act of God to take a hold of a fellow the like of that and throw him in the bloody sea. Justifiable homicide, so it would. Then sloping off with his five quid without putting up a pint of stuff like a man. Give us your blessing. Not as much as would blind your eye. —Charity to the neighbour, says Martin. But where is he? We can't wait. —A wolf in sheep's clothing, says the citizen. That's what he is. Virag from Hungary! Ahasuerus I call him. Cursed by God. —Have you time for a brief libation, Martin? says Ned. —Only one, says Martin. We must be quick. J. J. and S. —You, Jack? Crofton? Three half ones, Terry. —Saint Patrick would want to land again at Ballykinlar and convert us, says the citizen, after allowing things like that to contaminate our shores. —Well, says Martin, rapping for his glass. God bless all here is my prayer. —Amen, says the citizen. —And I'm sure He will, says Joe. And at the sound of the sacring bell, headed by a crucifer with acolytes, thurifers, boatbearers, readers, ostiarii, deacons and subdeacons, the blessed company drew nigh of mitred abbots and priors and guardians and monks and friars: the monks of Benedict of Spoleto, Carthusians and Camaldolesi, Cistercians and Olivetans, Oratorians and Vallombrosans, and the friars of Augustine, Brigittines, Premonstratensians, Servi, Trinitarians, and the children of Peter Nolasco: and therewith from Carmel mount the children of Elijah prophet led by Albert bishop and by Teresa of Avila, calced and other: and friars, brown and grey, sons of poor Francis, capuchins, cordeliers, minimes and observants and the daughters of Clara: and the sons of Dominic, the friars preachers, and the sons of Vincent: and the monks of S. Wolstan: and Ignatius his children: and the confraternity of the christian brothers led by the reverend brother Edmund Ignatius Rice. And after came all saints and martyrs, virgins and confessors: S. Cyr and S. Isidore Arator and S. James the Less and S. Phocas of Sinope and S. Julian Hospitator and S. Felix de Cantalice and S. Simon Stylites and S. Stephen Protomartyr and S. John of God and S. Ferreol and S. Leugarde and S. Theodotus and S. Vulmar and S. Richard and S. Vincent de Paul and S. Martin of Todi and S. Martin of Tours and S. Alfred and S. Joseph and S. Denis and S. Cornelius and S. Leopold and S. Bernard and S. Terence and S. Edward and S. Owen Caniculus and S. Anonymous and S. Eponymous and S. Pseudonymous and S. Homonymous and S. Paronymous and S. Synonymous and S. Laurence O'Toole and S. James of Dingle and Compostella and S. Columcille and S. Columba and S. Celestine and S. Colman and S. Kevin and S. Brendan and S. Frigidian and S. Senan and S. Fachtna and S. Columbanus and S. Gall and S. Fursey and S. Fintan and S. Fiacre and S. John Nepomuc and S. Thomas Aquinas and S. Ives of Brittany and S. Michan and S. Herman-Joseph and the three patrons of holy youth S. Aloysius Gonzaga and S. Stanislaus Kostka and S. John Berchmans and the saints Gervasius, Servasius and Bonifacius and S. Bride and S. Kieran and S. Canice of Kilkenny and S. Jarlath of Tuam and S. Finbarr and S. Pappin of Ballymun and Brother Aloysius Pacificus and Brother Louis Bellicosus and the saints Rose of Lima and of Viterbo and S. Martha of Bethany and S. Mary of Egypt and S. Lucy and S. Brigid and S. Attracta and S. Dympna and S. Ita and S. Marion Calpensis and the Blessed Sister Teresa of the Child Jesus and S. Barbara and S. Scholastica and S. Ursula with eleven thousand virgins. And all came with nimbi and aureoles and gloriae, bearing palms and harps and swords and olive crowns, in robes whereon were woven the blessed symbols of their efficacies, inkhorns, arrows, loaves, cruses, fetters, axes, trees, bridges, babes in a bathtub, shells, wallets, shears, keys, dragons, lilies, buckshot, beards, hogs, lamps, bellows, beehives, soupladles, stars, snakes, anvils, boxes of vaseline, bells, crutches, forceps, stags' horns, watertight boots, hawks, millstones, eyes on a dish, wax candles, aspergills, unicorns. And as they wended their way by Nelson's Pillar, Henry street, Mary street, Capel street, Little Britain street chanting the introit in Epiphania Domini which beginneth Surge, illuminare and thereafter most sweetly the gradual Omnes which saith de Saba venient they did divers wonders such as casting out devils, raising the dead to life, multiplying fishes, healing the halt and the blind, discovering various articles which had been mislaid, interpreting and fulfilling the scriptures, blessing and prophesying. And last, beneath a canopy of cloth of gold came the reverend Father O'Flynn attended by Malachi and Patrick. And when the good fathers had reached the appointed place, the house of Bernard Kiernan and Co, limited, 8, 9 and 10 little Britain street, wholesale grocers, wine and brandy shippers, licensed fo the sale of beer, wine and spirits for consumption on the premises, the celebrant blessed the house and censed the mullioned windows and the groynes and the vaults and the arrises and the capitals and the pediments and the cornices and the engrailed arches and the spires and the cupolas and sprinkled the lintels thereof with blessed water and prayed that God might bless that house as he had blessed the house of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and make the angels of His light to inhabit therein. And entering he blessed the viands and the beverages and the company of all the blessed answered his prayers. — Adiutorium nostrum in nomine Domini. — Qui fecit coelum et terram. — Dominus vobiscum. — Et cum spiritu tuo. And he laid his hands upon that he blessed and gave thanks and he prayed and they all with him prayed: — Deus, cuius verbo sanctificantur omnia, benedictionem tuam effunde super creaturas istas: et praesta ut quisquis eis secundum legem et voluntatem Tuam cum gratiarum actione usus fuerit per invocationem sanctissimi nominis Tui corporis sanitatem et animae tutelam Te auctore percipiat per Christum Dominum nostrum. —And so say all of us, says Jack. —Thousand a year, Lambert, says Crofton or Crawford. —Right, says Ned, taking up his John Jameson. And butter for fish. I was just looking around to see who the happy thought would strike when be damned but in he comes again letting on to be in a hell of a hurry. —I was just round at the courthouse, says he, looking for you. I hope I'm not... —No, says Martin, we're ready. Courthouse my eye and your pockets hanging down with gold and silver. Mean bloody scut. Stand us a drink itself. Devil a sweet fear! There's a jew for you! All for number one. Cute as a shithouse rat. Hundred to five. —Don't tell anyone, says the citizen, —Beg your pardon, says he. —Come on boys, says Martin, seeing it was looking blue. Come along now. —Don't tell anyone, says the citizen, letting a bawl out of him. It's a secret. And the bloody dog woke up and let a growl. —Bye bye all, says Martin. And he got them out as quick as he could, Jack Power and Crofton or whatever you call him and him in the middle of them letting on to be all at sea and up with them on the bloody jaunting car. —-Off with you, says Martin to the jarvey. The milkwhite dolphin tossed his mane and, rising in the golden poop the helmsman spread the bellying sail upon the wind and stood off forward with all sail set, the spinnaker to larboard. A many comely nymphs drew nigh to starboard and to larboard and, clinging to the sides of the noble bark, they linked their shining forms as doth the cunning wheelwright when he fashions about the heart of his wheel the equidistant rays whereof each one is sister to another and he binds them all with an outer ring and giveth speed to the feet of men whenas they ride to a hosting or contend for the smile of ladies fair. Even so did they come and set them, those willing nymphs, the undying sisters. And they laughed, sporting in a circle of their foam: and the bark clave the waves. But begob I was just lowering the heel of the pint when I saw the citizen getting up to waddle to the door, puffing and blowing with the dropsy, and he cursing the curse of Cromwell on him, bell, book and candle in Irish, spitting and spatting out of him and Joe and little Alf round him like a leprechaun trying to peacify him. —Let me alone, says he. And begob he got as far as the door and they holding him and he bawls out of him: —Three cheers for Israel! Arrah, sit down on the parliamentary side of your arse for Christ' sake and don't be making a public exhibition of yourself. Jesus, there's always some bloody clown or other kicking up a bloody murder about bloody nothing. Gob, it'd turn the porter sour in your guts, so it would. And all the ragamuffins and sluts of the nation round the door and Martin telling the jarvey to drive ahead and the citizen bawling and Alf and Joe at him to whisht and he on his high horse about the jews and the loafers calling for a speech and Jack Power trying to get him to sit down on the car and hold his bloody jaw and a loafer with a patch over his eye starts singing If the man in the moon was a jew, jew, jew and a slut shouts out of her: —Eh, mister! Your fly is open, mister! And says he: —Mendelssohn was a jew and Karl Marx and Mercadante and Spinoza. And the Saviour was a jew and his father was a jew. Your God. —He had no father, says Martin. That'll do now. Drive ahead. —Whose God? says the citizen. —Well, his uncle was a jew, says he. Your God was a jew. Christ was a jew like me. Gob, the citizen made a plunge back into the shop. —By Jesus, says he, I'll brain that bloody jewman for using the holy name. By Jesus, I'll crucify him so I will. Give us that biscuitbox here. —Stop! Stop! says Joe. A large and appreciative gathering of friends and acquaintances from the metropolis and greater Dublin assembled in their thousands to bid farewell to Nagyasagos uram Lipoti Virag, late of Messrs Alexander Thom's, printers to His Majesty, on the occasion of his departure for the distant clime of Szazharminczbrojugulyas-Dugulas (Meadow of Murmuring Waters). The ceremony which went off with great éclat was characterised by the most affecting cordiality. An illuminated scroll of ancient Irish vellum, the work of Irish artists, was presented to the distinguished phenomenologist on behalf of a large section of the community and was accompanied by the gift of a silver casket, tastefully executed in the style of ancient Celtic ornament, a work which reflects every credit on the makers, Messrs Jacob agus Jacob. The departing guest was the recipient of a hearty ovation, many of those who were present being visibly moved when the select orchestra of Irish pipes struck up the wellknown strains of Come back to Erin , followed immediately by Rakoczsy's March . Tarbarrels and bonfires were lighted along the coastline of the four seas on the summits of the Hill of Howth, Three Rock Mountain, Sugarloaf, Bray Head, the mountains of Mourne, the Galtees, the Ox and Donegal and Sperrin peaks, the Nagles and the Bograghs, the Connemara hills, the reeks of M Gillicuddy, Slieve Aughty, Slieve Bernagh and Slieve Bloom. Amid cheers that rent the welkin, responded to by answering cheers from a big muster of henchmen on the distant Cambrian and Caledonian hills, the mastodontic pleasureship slowly moved away saluted by a final floral tribute from the representatives of the fair sex who were present in large numbers while, as it proceeded down the river, escorted by a flotilla of barges, the flags of the Ballast office and Custom House were dipped in salute as were also those of the electrical power station at the Pigeonhouse and the Poolbeg Light. Visszontlátásra, kedves baráton! Visszontlátásra! Gone but not forgotten. Gob, the devil wouldn't stop him till he got hold of the bloody tin anyhow and out with him and little Alf hanging on to his elbow and he shouting like a stuck pig, as good as any bloody play in the Queen's royal theatre: —Where is he till I murder him? And Ned and J. J. paralysed with the laughing. —Bloody wars, says I, I'll be in for the last gospel. But as luck would have it the jarvey got the nag's head round the other way and off with him. —Hold on, citizen, says Joe. Stop! Begob he drew his hand and made a swipe and let fly. Mercy of God the sun was in his eyes or he'd have left him for dead. Gob, he near sent it into the county Longford. The bloody nag took fright and the old mongrel after the car like bloody hell and all the populace shouting and laughing and the old tinbox clattering along the street. The catastrophe was terrific and instantaneous in its effect. The observatory of Dunsink registered in all eleven shocks, all of the fifth grade of Mercalli's scale, and there is no record extant of a similar seismic disturbance in our island since the earthquake of 1534, the year of the rebellion of Silken Thomas. The epicentre appears to have been that part of the metropolis which constitutes the Inn's Quay ward and parish of Saint Michan covering a surface of fortyone acres, two roods and one square pole or perch. All the lordly residences in the vicinity of the palace of justice were demolished and that noble edifice itself, in which at the time of the catastrophe important legal debates were in progress, is literally a mass of ruins beneath which it is to be feared all the occupants have been buried alive. From the reports of eyewitnesses it transpires that the seismic waves were accompanied by a violent atmospheric perturbation of cyclonic character. An article of headgear since ascertained to belong to the much respected clerk of the crown and peace Mr George Fottrell and a silk umbrella with gold handle with the engraved initials, crest, coat of arms and house number of the erudite and worshipful chairman of quarter sessions sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, have been discovered by search parties in remote parts of the island respectively, the former on the third basaltic ridge of the giant's causeway, the latter embedded to the extent of one foot three inches in the sandy beach of Holeopen bay near the old head of Kinsale. Other eyewitnesses depose that they observed an incandescent object of enormous proportions hurtling through the atmosphere at a terrifying velocity in a trajectory directed southwest by west. Messages of condolence and sympathy are being hourly received from all parts of the different continents and the sovereign pontiff has been graciously pleased to decree that a special missa pro defunctis shall be celebrated simultaneously by the ordinaries of each and every cathedral church of all the episcopal dioceses subject to the spiritual authority of the Holy See in suffrage of the souls of those faithful departed who have been so unexpectedly called away from our midst. The work of salvage, removal of débris, human remains etc has been entrusted to Messrs Michael Meade and Son, 159 Great Brunswick street, and Messrs T. and C. Martin, 77, 78, 79 and 80 North Wall, assisted by the men and officers of the Duke of Cornwall's light infantry under the general supervision of H. R. H., rear admiral, the right honourable sir Hercules Hannibal Habeas Corpus Anderson, K. G., K. P., K. T., P. C., K. C. B., M. P, J. P., M. B., D. S. O., S. O. D., M. F. H., M. R. I. A., B. L., Mus. Doc., P. L. G., F. T. C. D., F. R. U. I., F. R. C. P. I. and F. R. C. S. I. You never saw the like of it in all your born puff. Gob, if he got that lottery ticket on the side of his poll he'd remember the gold cup, he would so, but begob the citizen would have been lagged for assault and battery and Joe for aiding and abetting. The jarvey saved his life by furious driving as sure as God made Moses. What? O, Jesus, he did. And he let a volley of oaths after him. —Did I kill him, says he, or what? And he shouting to the bloody dog: —After him, Garry! After him, boy! And the last we saw was the bloody car rounding the corner and old sheepsface on it gesticulating and the bloody mongrel after it with his lugs back for all he was bloody well worth to tear him limb from limb. Hundred to five! Jesus, he took the value of it out of him, I promise you. When, lo, there came about them all a great brightness and they beheld the chariot wherein He stood ascend to heaven. And they beheld Him in the chariot, clothed upon in the glory of the brightness, having raiment as of the sun, fair as the moon and terrible that for awe they durst not look upon Him. And there came a voice out of heaven, calling: Elijah! Elijah! And He answered with a main cry: Abba! Adonai! And they beheld Him even Him, ben Bloom Elijah, amid clouds of angels ascend to the glory of the brightness at an angle of fortyfive degrees over Donohoe's in Little Green street like a shot off a shovel. The summer evening had begun to fold the world in its mysterious embrace. Far away in the west the sun was setting and the last glow of all too fleeting day lingered lovingly on sea and strand, on the proud promontory of dear old Howth guarding as ever the waters of the bay, on the weedgrown rocks along Sandymount shore and, last but not least, on the quiet church whence there streamed forth at times upon the stillness the voice of prayer to her who is in her pure radiance a beacon ever to the stormtossed heart of man, Mary, star of the sea. The three girl friends were seated on the rocks, enjoying the evening scene and the air which was fresh but not too chilly. Many a time and oft were they wont to come there to that favourite nook to have a cosy chat beside the sparkling waves and discuss matters feminine, Cissy Caffrey and Edy Boardman with the baby in the pushcar and Tommy and Jacky Caffrey, two little curlyheaded boys, dressed in sailor suits with caps to match and the name H.M.S. Belleisle printed on both. For Tommy and Jacky Caffrey were twins, scarce four years old and very noisy and spoiled twins sometimes but for all that darling little fellows with bright merry faces and endearing ways about them. They were dabbling in the sand with their spades and buckets, building castles as children do, or playing with their big coloured ball, happy as the day was long. And Edy Boardman was rocking the chubby baby to and fro in the pushcar while that young gentleman fairly chuckled with delight. He was but eleven months and nine days old and, though still a tiny toddler, was just beginning to lisp his first babyish words. Cissy Caffrey bent over to him to tease his fat little plucks and the dainty dimple in his chin. —Now, baby, Cissy Caffrey said. Say out big, big. I want a drink of water. And baby prattled after her: —A jink a jink a jawbo. Cissy Caffrey cuddled the wee chap for she was awfully fond of children, so patient with little sufferers and Tommy Caffrey could never be got to take his castor oil unless it was Cissy Caffrey that held his nose and promised him the scatty heel of the loaf or brown bread with golden syrup on. What a persuasive power that girl had! But to be sure baby Boardman was as good as gold, a perfect little dote in his new fancy bib. None of your spoilt beauties, Flora MacFlimsy sort, was Cissy Caffrey. A truerhearted lass never drew the breath of life, always with a laugh in her gipsylike eyes and a frolicsome word on her cherryripe red lips, a girl lovable in the extreme. And Edy Boardman laughed too at the quaint language of little brother. But just then there was a slight altercation between Master Tommy and Master Jacky. Boys will be boys and our two twins were no exception to this golden rule. The apple of discord was a certain castle of sand which Master Jacky had built and Master Tommy would have it right go wrong that it was to be architecturally improved by a frontdoor like the Martello tower had. But if Master Tommy was headstrong Master Jacky was selfwilled too and, true to the maxim that every little Irishman's house is his castle, he fell upon his hated rival and to such purpose that the wouldbe assailant came to grief and (alas to relate!) the coveted castle too. Needless to say the cries of discomfited Master Tommy drew the attention of the girl friends. —Come here, Tommy, his sister called imperatively. At once! And you, Jacky, for shame to throw poor Tommy in the dirty sand. Wait till I catch you for that. His eyes misty with unshed tears Master Tommy came at her call for their big sister's word was law with the twins. And in a sad plight he was too after his misadventure. His little man-o'-war top and unmentionables were full of sand but Cissy was a past mistress in the art of smoothing over life's tiny troubles and very quickly not one speck of sand was to be seen on his smart little suit. Still the blue eyes were glistening with hot tears that would well up so she kissed away the hurtness and shook her hand at Master Jacky the culprit and said if she was near him she wouldn't be far from him, her eyes dancing in admonition. —Nasty bold Jacky! she cried. She put an arm round the little mariner and coaxed winningly: —What's your name? Butter and cream? —Tell us who is your sweetheart, spoke Edy Boardman. Is Cissy your sweetheart? —Nao, tearful Tommy said. —Is Edy Boardman your sweetheart? Cissy queried. —Nao, Tommy said. —I know, Edy Boardman said none too amiably with an arch glance from her shortsighted eyes. I know who is Tommy's sweetheart. Gerty is Tommy's sweetheart. —Nao, Tommy said on the verge of tears. Cissy's quick motherwit guessed what was amiss and she whispered to Edy Boardman to take him there behind the pushcar where the gentleman couldn't see and to mind he didn't wet his new tan shoes. But who was Gerty? Gerty MacDowell who was seated near her companions, lost in thought, gazing far away into the distance was, in very truth, as fair a specimen of winsome Irish girlhood as one could wish to see. She was pronounced beautiful by all who knew her though, as folks often said, she was more a Giltrap than a MacDowell. Her figure was slight and graceful, inclining even to fragility but those iron jelloids she had been taking of late had done her a world of good much better than the Widow Welch's female pills and she was much better of those discharges she used to get and that tired feeling. The waxen pallor of her face was almost spiritual in its ivorylike purity though her rosebud mouth was a genuine Cupid's bow, Greekly perfect. Her hands were of finely veined alabaster with tapering fingers and as white as lemonjuice and queen of ointments could make them though it was not true that she used to wear kid gloves in bed or take a milk footbath either. Bertha Supple told that once to Edy Boardman, a deliberate lie, when she was black out at daggers drawn with Gerty (the girl chums had of course their little tiffs from time to time like the rest of mortals) and she told her not to let on whatever she did that it was her that told her or she'd never speak to her again. No. Honour where honour is due. There was an innate refinement, a languid queenly hauteur about Gerty which was unmistakably evidenced in her delicate hands and higharched instep. Had kind fate but willed her to be born a gentlewoman of high degree in her own right and had she only received the benefit of a good education Gerty MacDowell might easily have held her own beside any lady in the land and have seen herself exquisitely gowned with jewels on her brow and patrician suitors at her feet vying with one another to pay their devoirs to her. Mayhap it was this, the love that might have been, that lent to her softlyfeatured face at whiles a look, tense with suppressed meaning, that imparted a strange yearning tendency to the beautiful eyes, a charm few could resist. Why have women such eyes of witchery? Gerty's were of the bluest Irish blue, set off by lustrous lashes and dark expressive brows. Time was when those brows were not so silkily seductive. It was Madame Vera Verity, directress of the Woman Beautiful page of the Princess Novelette, who had first advised her to try eyebrowleine which gave that haunting expression to the eyes, so becoming in leaders of fashion, and she had never regretted it. Then there was blushing scientifically cured and how to be tall increase your height and you have a beautiful face but your nose? That would suit Mrs Dignam because she had a button one. But Gerty's crowning glory was her wealth of wonderful hair. It was dark brown with a natural wave in it. She had cut it that very morning on account of the new moon and it nestled about her pretty head in a profusion of luxuriant clusters and pared her nails too, Thursday for wealth. And just now at Edy's words as a telltale flush, delicate as the faintest rosebloom, crept into her cheeks she looked so lovely in her sweet girlish shyness that of a surety God's fair land of Ireland did not hold her equal. For an instant she was silent with rather sad downcast eyes. She was about to retort but something checked the words on her tongue. Inclination prompted her to speak out: dignity told her to be silent. The pretty lips pouted awhile but then she glanced up and broke out into a joyous little laugh which had in it all the freshness of a young May morning. She knew right well, no-one better, what made squinty Edy say that because of him cooling in his attentions when it was simply a lovers' quarrel. As per usual somebody's nose was out of joint about the boy that had the bicycle off the London bridge road always riding up and down in front of her window. Only now his father kept him in in the evenings studying hard to get an exhibition in the intermediate that was on and he was going to go to Trinity college to study for a doctor when he left the high school like his brother W. E. Wylie who was racing in the bicycle races in Trinity college university. Little recked he perhaps for what she felt, that dull aching void in her heart sometimes, piercing to the core. Yet he was young and perchance he might learn to love her in time. They were protestants in his family and of course Gerty knew Who came first and after Him the Blessed Virgin and then Saint Joseph. But he was undeniably handsome with an exquisite nose and he was what he looked, every inch a gentleman, the shape of his head too at the back without his cap on that she would know anywhere something off the common and the way he turned the bicycle at the lamp with his hands off the bars and also the nice perfume of those good cigarettes and besides they were both of a size too he and she and that was why Edy Boardman thought she was so frightfully clever because he didn't go and ride up and down in front of her bit of a garden. Gerty was dressed simply but with the instinctive taste of a votary of Dame Fashion for she felt that there was just a might that he might be out. A neat blouse of electric blue selftinted by dolly dyes (because it was expected in the Lady's Pictorial that electric blue would be worn) with a smart vee opening down to the division and kerchief pocket (in which she always kept a piece of cottonwool scented with her favourite perfume because the handkerchief spoiled the sit) and a navy threequarter skirt cut to the stride showed off her slim graceful figure to perfection. She wore a coquettish little love of a hat of wideleaved nigger straw contrast trimmed with an underbrim of eggblue chenille and at the side a butterfly bow of silk to tone. All Tuesday week afternoon she was hunting to match that chenille but at last she found what she wanted at Clery's summer sales, the very it, slightly shopsoiled but you would never notice, seven fingers two and a penny. She did it up all by herself and what joy was hers when she tried it on then, smiling at the lovely reflection which the mirror gave back to her! And when she put it on the waterjug to keep the shape she knew that that would take the shine out of some people she knew. Her shoes were the newest thing in footwear (Edy Boardman prided herself that she was very petite but she never had a foot like Gerty MacDowell, a five, and never would ash, oak or elm) with patent toecaps and just one smart buckle over her higharched instep. Her wellturned ankle displayed its perfect proportions beneath her skirt and just the proper amount and no more of her shapely limbs encased in finespun hose with highspliced heels and wide garter tops. As for undies they were Gerty's chief care and who that knows the fluttering hopes and fears of sweet seventeen (though Gerty would never see seventeen again) can find it in his heart to blame her? She had four dinky sets with awfully pretty stitchery, three garments and nighties extra, and each set slotted with different coloured ribbons, rosepink, pale blue, mauve and peagreen, and she aired them herself and blued them when they came home from the wash and ironed them and she had a brickbat to keep the iron on because she wouldn't trust those washerwomen as far as she'd see them scorching the things. She was wearing the blue for luck, hoping against hope, her own colour and lucky too for a bride to have a bit of blue somewhere on her because the green she wore that day week brought grief because his father brought him in to study for the intermediate exhibition and because she thought perhaps he might be out because when she was dressing that morning she nearly slipped up the old pair on her inside out and that was for luck and lovers' meeting if you put those things on inside out or if they got untied that he was thinking about you so long as it wasn't of a Friday. And yet and yet! That strained look on her face! A gnawing sorrow is there all the time. Her very soul is in her eyes and she would give worlds to be in the privacy of her own familiar chamber where, giving way to tears, she could have a good cry and relieve her pentup feelingsthough not too much because she knew how to cry nicely before the mirror. You are lovely, Gerty, it said. The paly light of evening falls upon a face infinitely sad and wistful. Gerty MacDowell yearns in vain. Yes, she had known from the very first that her daydream of a marriage has been arranged and the weddingbells ringing for Mrs Reggy Wylie T. C. D. (because the one who married the elder brother would be Mrs Wylie) and in the fashionable intelligence Mrs Gertrude Wylie was wearing a sumptuous confection of grey trimmed with expensive blue fox was not to be. He was too young to understand. He would not believe in love, a woman's birthright. The night of the party long ago in Stoer's (he was still in short trousers) when they were alone and he stole an arm round her waist she went white to the very lips. He called her little one in a strangely husky voice and snatched a half kiss (the first!) but it was only the end of her nose and then he hastened from the room with a remark about refreshments. Impetuous fellow! Strength of character had never been Reggy Wylie's strong point and he who would woo and win Gerty MacDowell must be a man among men. But waiting, always waiting to be asked and it was leap year too and would soon be over. No prince charming is her beau ideal to lay a rare and wondrous love at her feet but rather a manly man with a strong quiet face who had not found his ideal, perhaps his hair slightly flecked with grey, and who would understand, take her in his sheltering arms, strain her to him in all the strength of his deep passionate nature and comfort her with a long long kiss. It would be like heaven. For such a one she yearns this balmy summer eve. With all the heart of her she longs to be his only, his affianced bride for riches for poor, in sickness in health, till death us two part, from this to this day forward. And while Edy Boardman was with little Tommy behind the pushcar she was just thinking would the day ever come when she could call herself his little wife to be. Then they could talk about her till they went blue in the face, Bertha Supple too, and Edy, little spitfire, because she would be twentytwo in November. She would care for him with creature comforts too for Gerty was womanly wise and knew that a mere man liked that feeling of hominess. Her griddlecakes done to a goldenbrown hue and queen Ann's pudding of delightful creaminess had won golden opinions from all because she had a lucky hand also for lighting a fire, dredge in the fine selfraising flour and always stir in the same direction, then cream the milk and sugar and whisk well the white of eggs though she didn't like the eating part when there were any people that made her shy and often she wondered why you couldn't eat something poetical like violets or roses and they would have a beautifully appointed drawingroom with pictures and engravings and the photograph of grandpapa Giltrap's lovely dog Garryowen that almost talked it was so human and chintz covers for the chairs and that silver toastrack in Clery's summer jumble sales like they have in rich houses. He would be tall with broad shoulders (she had always admired tall men for a husband) with glistening white teeth under his carefully trimmed sweeping moustache and they would go on the continent for their honeymoon (three wonderful weeks!) and then, when they settled down in a nice snug and cosy little homely house, every morning they would both have brekky, simple but perfectly served, for their own two selves and before he went out to business he would give his dear little wifey a good hearty hug and gaze for a moment deep down into her eyes. Edy Boardman asked Tommy Caffrey was he done and he said yes so then she buttoned up his little knickerbockers for him and told him to run off and play with Jacky and to be good now and not to fight. But Tommy said he wanted the ball and Edy told him no that baby was playing with the ball and if he took it there'd be wigs on the green but Tommy said it was his ball and he wanted his ball and he pranced on the ground, if you please. The temper of him! O, he was a man already was little Tommy Caffrey since he was out of pinnies. Edy told him no, no and to be off now with him and she told Cissy Caffrey not to give in to him. —You're not my sister, naughty Tommy said. It's my ball. But Cissy Caffrey told baby Boardman to look up, look up high at her finger and she snatched the ball quickly and threw it along the sand and Tommy after it in full career, having won the day. —Anything for a quiet life, laughed Ciss. And she tickled tiny tot's two cheeks to make him forget and played here's the lord mayor, here's his two horses, here's his gingerbread carriage and here he walks in, chinchopper, chinchopper, chinchopper chin. But Edy got as cross as two sticks about him getting his own way like that from everyone always petting him. —I'd like to give him something, she said, so I would, where I won't say. —On the beeoteetom, laughed Cissy merrily. Gerty MacDowell bent down her head and crimsoned at the idea of Cissy saying an unladylike thing like that out loud she'd be ashamed of her life to say, flushing a deep rosy red, and Edy Boardman said she was sure the gentleman opposite heard what she said. But not a pin cared Ciss. —Let him! she said with a pert toss of her head and a piquant tilt of her nose. Give it to him too on the same place as quick as I'd look at him. Madcap Ciss with her golliwog curls. You had to laugh at her sometimes. For instance when she asked you would you have some more Chinese tea and jaspberry ram and when she drew the jugs too and the men's faces on her nails with red ink make you split your sides or when she wanted to go where you know she said she wanted to run and pay a visit to the Miss White. That was just like Cissycums. O, and will you ever forget her the evening she dressed up in her father's suit and hat and the burned cork moustache and walked down Tritonville road, smoking a cigarette. There was none to come up to her for fun. But she was sincerity itself, one of the bravest and truest hearts heaven ever made, not one of your twofaced things, too sweet to be wholesome. And then there came out upon the air the sound of voices and the pealing anthem of the organ. It was the men's temperance retreat conducted by the missioner, the reverend John Hughes S. J., rosary, sermon and benediction of the Most Blessed Sacrament. They were there gathered together without distinction of social class (and a most edifying spectacle it was to see) in that simple fane beside the waves, after the storms of this weary world, kneeling before the feet of the immaculate, reciting the litany of Our Lady of Loreto, beseeching her to intercede for them, the old familiar words, holy Mary, holy virgin of virgins. How sad to poor Gerty's ears! Had her father only avoided the clutches of the demon drink, by taking the pledge or those powders the drink habit cured in Pearson's Weekly, she might now be rolling in her carriage, second to none. Over and over had she told herself that as she mused by the dying embers in a brown study without the lamp because she hated two lights or oftentimes gazing out of the window dreamily by the hour at the rain falling on the rusty bucket, thinking. But that vile decoction which has ruined so many hearths and homes had cist its shadow over her childhood days. Nay, she had even witnessed in the home circle deeds of violence caused by intemperance and had seen her own father, a prey to the fumes of intoxication, forget himself completely for if there was one thing of all things that Gerty knew it was that the man who lifts his hand to a woman save in the way of kindness, deserves to be branded as the lowest of the low. And still the voices sang in supplication to the Virgin most powerful, Virgin most merciful. And Gerty, rapt in thought, scarce saw or heard her companions or the twins at their boyish gambols or the gentleman off Sandymount green that Cissy Caffrey called the man that was so like himself passing along the strand taking a short walk. You never saw him any way screwed but still and for all that she would not like him for a father because he was too old or something or on account of his face (it was a palpable case of Doctor Fell) or his carbuncly nose with the pimples on it and his sandy moustache a bit white under his nose. Poor father! With all his faults she loved him still when he sang Tell me, Mary, how to woo thee or My love and cottage near Rochelle and they had stewed cockles and lettuce with Lazenby's salad dressing for supper and when he sang The moon hath raised with Mr Dignam that died suddenly and was buried, God have mercy on him, from a stroke. Her mother's birthday that was and Charley was home on his holidays and Tom and Mr Dignam and Mrs and Patsy and Freddy Dignam and they were to have had a group taken. No-one would have thought the end was so near. Now he was laid to rest. And her mother said to him to let that be a warning to him for the rest of his days and he couldn't even go to the funeral on account of the gout and she had to go into town to bring him the letters and samples from his office about Catesby's cork lino, artistic, standard designs, fit for a palace, gives tiptop wear and always bright and cheery in the home. A sterling good daughter was Gerty just like a second mother in the house, a ministering angel too with a little heart worth its weight in gold. And when her mother had those raging splitting headaches who was it rubbed the menthol cone on her forehead but Gerty though she didn't like her mother's taking pinches of snuff and that was the only single thing they ever had words about, taking snuff. Everyone thought the world of her for her gentle ways. It was Gerty who turned off the gas at the main every night and it was Gerty who tacked up on the wall of that place where she never forgot every fortnight the chlorate of lime Mr Tunney the grocer's christmas almanac, the picture of halcyon days where a young gentleman in the costume they used to wear then with a threecornered hat was offering a bunch of flowers to his ladylove with oldtime chivalry through her lattice window. You could see there was a story behind it. The colours were done something lovely. She was in a soft clinging white in a studied attitude and the gentleman was in chocolate and he looked a thorough aristocrat. She often looked at them dreamily when she went there for a certain purpose and felt her own arms that were white and soft just like hers with the sleeves back and thought about those times because she had found out in Walker's pronouncing dictionary that belonged to grandpapa Giltrap about the halcyon days what they meant. The twins were now playing in the most approved brotherly fashion till at last Master Jacky who was really as bold as brass there was no getting behind that deliberately kicked the ball as hard as ever he could down towards the seaweedy rocks. Needless to say poor Tommy was not slow to voice his dismay but luckily the gentleman in black who was sitting there by himself came gallantly to the rescue and intercepted the ball. Our two champions claimed their plaything with lusty cries and to avoid trouble Cissy Caffrey called to the gentleman to throw it to her please. The gentleman aimed the ball once or twice and then threw it up the strand towards Cissy Caffrey but it rolled down the slope and stopped right under Gerty's skirt near the little pool by the rock. The twins clamoured again for it and Cissy told her to kick it away and let them fight for it so Gerty drew back her foot but she wished their stupid ball hadn't come rolling down to her and she gave a kick but she missed and Edy and Cissy laughed. —If you fail try again, Edy Boardman said. Gerty smiled assent and bit her lip. A delicate pink crept into her pretty cheek but she was determined to let them see so she just lifted her skirt a little but just enough and took good aim and gave the ball a jolly good kick and it went ever so far and the two twins after it down towards the shingle. Pure jealousy of course it was nothing else to draw attention on account of the gentleman opposite looking. She felt the warm flush, a danger signal always with Gerty MacDowell, surging and flaming into her cheeks. Till then they had only exchanged glances of the most casual but now under the brim of her new hat she ventured a look at him and the face that met her gaze there in the twilight, wan and strangely drawn, seemed to her the saddest she had ever seen. Through the open window of the church the fragrant incense was wafted and with it the fragrant names of her who was conceived without stain of original sin, spiritual vessel, pray for us, honourable vessel, pray for us, vessel of singular devotion, pray for us, mystical rose. And careworn hearts were there and toilers for their daily bread and many who had erred and wandered, their eyes wet with contrition but for all that bright with hope for the reverend father Father Hughes had told them what the great saint Bernard said in his famous prayer of Mary, the most pious Virgin's intercessory power that it was not recorded in any age that those who implored her powerful protection were ever abandoned by her. The twins were now playing again right merrily for the troubles of childhood are but as fleeting summer showers. Cissy Caffrey played with baby Boardman till he crowed with glee, clapping baby hands in air. Peep she cried behind the hood of the pushcar and Edy asked where was Cissy gone and then Cissy popped up her head and cried ah! and, my word, didn't the little chap enjoy that! And then she told him to say papa. —Say papa, baby. Say pa pa pa pa pa pa pa. And baby did his level best to say it for he was very intelligent for eleven months everyone said and big for his age and the picture of health, a perfect little bunch of love, and he would certainly turn out to be something great, they said. —Haja ja ja haja. Cissy wiped his little mouth with the dribbling bib and wanted him to sit up properly and say pa pa pa but when she undid the strap she cried out, holy saint Denis, that he was possing wet and to double the half blanket the other way under him. Of course his infant majesty was most obstreperous at such toilet formalities and he let everyone know it: —Habaa baaaahabaaa baaaa. And two great big lovely big tears coursing down his cheeks. It was all no use soothering him with no, nono, baby, no and telling him about the geegee and where was the puffpuff but Ciss, always readywitted, gave him in his mouth the teat of the suckingbottle and the young heathen was quickly appeased. Gerty wished to goodness they would take their squalling baby home out of that and not get on her nerves, no hour to be out, and the little brats of twins. She gazed out towards the distant sea. It was like the paintings that man used to do on the pavement with all the coloured chalks and such a pity too leaving them there to be all blotted out, the evening and the clouds coming out and the Bailey light on Howth and to hear the music like that and the perfume of those incense they burned in the church like a kind of waft. And while she gazed her heart went pitapat. Yes, it was her he was looking at, and there was meaning in his look. His eyes burned into her as though they would search her through and through, read her very soul. Wonderful eyes they were, superbly expressive, but could you trust them? People were so queer. She could see at once by his dark eyes and his pale intellectual face that he was a foreigner, the image of the photo she had of Martin Harvey, the matinee idol, only for the moustache which she preferred because she wasn't stagestruck like Winny Rippingham that wanted they two to always dress the same on account of a play but she could not see whether he had an aquiline nose or a slightly retroussé from where he was sitting. He was in deep mourning, she could see that, and the story of a haunting sorrow was written on his face. She would have given worlds to know what it was. He was looking up so intently, so still, and he saw her kick the ball and perhaps he could see the bright steel buckles of her shoes if she swung them like that thoughtfully with the toes down. She was glad that something told her to put on the transparent stockings thinking Reggy Wylie might be out but that was far away. Here was that of which she had so often dreamed. It was he who mattered and there was joy on her face because she wanted him because she felt instinctively that he was like no-one else. The very heart of the girlwoman went out to him, her dreamhusband, because she knew on the instant it was him. If he had suffered, more sinned against than sinning, or even, even, if he had been himself a sinner, a wicked man, she cared not. Even if he was a protestant or methodist she could convert him easily if he truly loved her. There were wounds that wanted healing with heartbalm. She was a womanly woman not like other flighty girls unfeminine he had known, those cyclists showing off what they hadn't got and she just yearned to know all, to forgive all if she could make him fall in love with her, make him forget the memory of the past. Then mayhap he would embrace her gently, like a real man, crushing her soft body to him, and love her, his ownest girlie, for herself alone. Refuge of sinners. Comfortress of the afflicted. Ora pro nobis . Well has it been said that whosoever prays to her with faith and constancy can never be lost or cast away: and fitly is she too a haven of refuge for the afflicted because of the seven dolours which transpierced her own heart. Gerty could picture the whole scene in the church, the stained glass windows lighted up, the candles, the flowers and the blue banners of the blessed Virgin's sodality and Father Conroy was helping Canon O'Hanlon at the altar, carrying things in and out with his eyes cast down. He looked almost a saint and his confessionbox was so quiet and clean and dark and his hands were just like white wax and if ever she became a Dominican nun in their white habit perhaps he might come to the convent for the novena of Saint Dominic. He told her that time when she told him about that in confession, crimsoning up to the roots of her hair for fear he could see, not to be troubled because that was only the voice of nature and we were all subject to nature's laws, he said, in this life and that that was no sin because that came from the nature of woman instituted by God, he said, and that Our Blessed Lady herself said to the archangel Gabriel be it done unto me according to Thy Word. He was so kind and holy and often and often she thought and thought could she work a ruched teacosy with embroidered floral design for him as a present or a clock but they had a clock she noticed on the mantelpiece white and gold with a canarybird that came out of a little house to tell the time the day she went there about the flowers for the forty hours' adoration because it was hard to know what sort of a present to give or perhaps an album of illuminated views of Dublin or some place. The exasperating little brats of twins began to quarrel again and Jacky threw the ball out towards the sea and they both ran after it. Little monkeys common as ditchwater. Someone ought to take them and give them a good hiding for themselves to keep them in their places, the both of them. And Cissy and Edy shouted after them to come back because they were afraid the tide might come in on them and be drowned. —Jacky! Tommy! Not they! What a great notion they had! So Cissy said it was the very last time she'd ever bring them out. She jumped up and called them and she ran down the slope past him, tossing her hair behind her which had a good enough colour if there had been more of it but with all the thingamerry she was always rubbing into it she couldn't get it to grow long because it wasn't natural so she could just go and throw her hat at it. She ran with long gandery strides it was a wonder she didn't rip up her skirt at the side that was too tight on her because there was a lot of the tomboy about Cissy Caffrey and she was a forward piece whenever she thought she had a good opportunity to show and just because she was a good runner she ran like that so that he could see all the end of her petticoat running and her skinny shanks up as far as possible. It would have served her just right if she had tripped up over something accidentally on purpose with her high crooked French heels on her to make her look tall and got a fine tumble. Tableau! That would have been a very charming expose for a gentleman like that to witness. Queen of angels, queen of patriarchs, queen of prophets, of all saints, they prayed, queen of the most holy rosary and then Father Conroy handed the thurible to Canon O'Hanlon and he put in the incense and censed the Blessed Sacrament and Cissy Caffrey caught the two twins and she was itching to give them a ringing good clip on the ear but she didn't because she thought he might be watching but she never made a bigger mistake in all her life because Gerty could see without looking that he never took his eyes off of her and then Canon O'Hanlon handed the thurible back to Father Conroy and knelt down looking up at the Blessed Sacrament and the choir began to sing the Tantum ergo and she just swung her foot in and out in time as the music rose and fell to the Tantumer gosa cramen tum . Three and eleven she paid for those stockings in Sparrow's of George's street on the Tuesday, no the Monday before Easter and there wasn't a brack on them and that was what he was looking at, transparent, and not at her insignificant ones that had neither shape nor form (the cheek of her!) because he had eyes in his head to see the difference for himself. Cissy came up along the strand with the two twins and their ball with her hat anyhow on her to one side after her run and she did look a streel tugging the two kids along with the flimsy blouse she bought only a fortnight before like a rag on her back and a bit of her petticoat hanging like a caricature. Gerty just took off her hat for a moment to settle her hair and a prettier, a daintier head of nutbrown tresses was never seen on a girl's shoulders—a radiant little vision, in sooth, almost maddening in its sweetness. You would have to travel many a long mile before you found a head of hair the like of that. She could almost see the swift answering flash of admiration in his eyes that set her tingling in every nerve. She put on her hat so that she could see from underneath the brim and swung her buckled shoe faster for her breath caught as she caught the expression in his eyes. He was eying her as a snake eyes its prey. Her woman's instinct told her that she had raised the devil in him and at the thought a burning scarlet swept from throat to brow till the lovely colour of her face became a glorious rose. Edy Boardman was noticing it too because she was squinting at Gerty, half smiling, with her specs like an old maid, pretending to nurse the baby. Irritable little gnat she was and always would be and that was why no-one could get on with her poking her nose into what was no concern of hers. And she said to Gerty: —A penny for your thoughts. —What? replied Gerty with a smile reinforced by the whitest of teeth. I was only wondering was it late. Because she wished to goodness they'd take the snottynosed twins and their babby home to the mischief out of that so that was why she just gave a gentle hint about its being late. And when Cissy came up Edy asked her the time and Miss Cissy, as glib as you like, said it was half past kissing time, time to kiss again. But Edy wanted to know because they were told to be in early. —Wait, said Cissy, I'll run ask my uncle Peter over there what's the time by his conundrum. So over she went and when he saw her coming she could see him take his hand out of his pocket, getting nervous, and beginning to play with his watchchain, looking up at the church. Passionate nature though he was Gerty could see that he had enormous control over himself. One moment he had been there, fascinated by a loveliness that made him gaze, and the next moment it was the quiet gravefaced gentleman, selfcontrol expressed in every line of his distinguishedlooking figure. Cissy said to excuse her would he mind please telling her what was the right time and Gerty could see him taking out his watch, listening to it and looking up and clearing his throat and he said he was very sorry his watch was stopped but he thought it must be after eight because the sun was set. His voice had a cultured ring in it and though he spoke in measured accents there was a suspicion of a quiver in the mellow tones. Cissy said thanks and came back with her tongue out and said uncle said his waterworks were out of order. Then they sang the second verse of the Tantum ergo and Canon O'Hanlon got up again and censed the Blessed Sacrament and knelt down and he told Father Conroy that one of the candles was just going to set fire to the flowers and Father Conroy got up and settled it all right and she could see the gentleman winding his watch and listening to the works and she swung her leg more in and out in time. It was getting darker but he could see and he was looking all the time that he was winding the watch or whatever he was doing to it and then he put it back and put his hands back into his pockets. She felt a kind of a sensation rushing all over her and she knew by the feel of her scalp and that irritation against her stays that that thing must be coming on because the last time too was when she clipped her hair on account of the moon. His dark eyes fixed themselves on her again drinking in her every contour, literally worshipping at her shrine. If ever there was undisguised admiration in a man's passionate gaze it was there plain to be seen on that man's face. It is for you, Gertrude MacDowell, and you know it. Edy began to get ready to go and it was high time for her and Gerty noticed that that little hint she gave had had the desired effect because it was a long way along the strand to where there was the place to push up the pushcar and Cissy took off the twins' caps and tidied their hair to make herself attractive of course and Canon O'Hanlon stood up with his cope poking up at his neck and Father Conroy handed him the card to read off and he read out Panem de coelo praestitisti eis and Edy and Cissy were talking about the time all the time and asking her but Gerty could pay them back in their own coin and she just answered with scathing politeness when Edy asked her was she heartbroken about her best boy throwing her over. Gerty winced sharply. A brief cold blaze shone from her eyes that spoke volumes of scorn immeasurable. It hurt—O yes, it cut deep because Edy had her own quiet way of saying things like that she knew would wound like the confounded little cat she was. Gerty's lips parted swiftly to frame the word but she fought back the sob that rose to her throat, so slim, so flawless, so beautifully moulded it seemed one an artist might have dreamed of. She had loved him better than he knew. Lighthearted deceiver and fickle like all his sex he would never understand what he had meant to her and for an instant there was in the blue eyes a quick stinging of tears. Their eyes were probing her mercilessly but with a brave effort she sparkled back in sympathy as she glanced at her new conquest for them to see. —O, responded Gerty, quick as lightning, laughing, and the proud head flashed up. I can throw my cap at who I like because it's leap year. Her words rang out crystalclear, more musical than the cooing of the ringdove, but they cut the silence icily. There was that in her young voice that told that she was not a one to be lightly trifled with. As for Mr Reggy with his swank and his bit of money she could just chuck him aside as if he was so much filth and never again would she cast as much as a second thought on him and tear his silly postcard into a dozen pieces. And if ever after he dared to presume she could give him one look of measured scorn that would make him shrivel up on the spot. Miss puny little Edy's countenance fell to no slight extent and Gerty could see by her looking as black as thunder that she was simply in a towering rage though she hid it, the little kinnatt, because that shaft had struck home for her petty jealousy and they both knew that she was something aloof, apart, in another sphere, that she was not of them and never would be and there was somebody else too that knew it and saw it so they could put that in their pipe and smoke it. Edy straightened up baby Boardman to get ready to go and Cissy tucked in the ball and the spades and buckets and it was high time too because the sandman was on his way for Master Boardman junior. And Cissy told him too that billy winks was coming and that baby was to go deedaw and baby looked just too ducky, laughing up out of his gleeful eyes, and Cissy poked him like that out of fun in his wee fat tummy and baby, without as much as by your leave, sent up his compliments to all and sundry on to his brandnew dribbling bib. —O my! Puddeny pie! protested Ciss. He has his bib destroyed. The slight contretemps claimed her attention but in two twos she set that little matter to rights. Gerty stifled a smothered exclamation and gave a nervous cough and Edy asked what and she was just going to tell her to catch it while it was flying but she was ever ladylike in her deportment so she simply passed it off with consummate tact by saying that that was the benediction because just then the bell rang out from the steeple over the quiet seashore because Canon O'Hanlon was up on the altar with the veil that Father Conroy put round his shoulders giving the benediction with the Blessed Sacrament in his hands. How moving the scene there in the gathering twilight, the last glimpse of Erin, the touching chime of those evening bells and at the same time a bat flew forth from the ivied belfry through the dusk, hither, thither, with a tiny lost cry. And she could see far away the lights of the lighthouses so picturesque she would have loved to do with a box of paints because it was easier than to make a man and soon the lamplighter would be going his rounds past the presbyterian church grounds and along by shady Tritonville avenue where the couples walked and lighting the lamp near her window where Reggy Wylie used to turn his freewheel like she read in that book The Lamplighter by Miss Cummins, author of Mabel Vaughan and other tales. For Gerty had her dreams that no-one knew of. She loved to read poetry and when she got a keepsake from Bertha Supple of that lovely confession album with the coralpink cover to write her thoughts in she laid it in the drawer of her toilettable which, though it did not err on the side of luxury, was scrupulously neat and clean. It was there she kept her girlish treasure trove, the tortoiseshell combs, her child of Mary badge, the whiterose scent, the eyebrowleine, her alabaster pouncetbox and the ribbons to change when her things came home from the wash and there were some beautiful thoughts written in it in violet ink that she bought in Hely's of Dame Street for she felt that she too could write poetry if she could only express herself like that poem that appealed to her so deeply that she had copied out of the newspaper she found one evening round the potherbs. Art thou real, my ideal? it was called by Louis J Walsh, Magherafelt, and after there was something about twilight, wilt thou ever? and ofttimes the beauty of poetry, so sad in its transient loveliness, had misted her eyes with silent tears for she felt that the years were slipping by for her, one by one, and but for that one shortcoming she knew she need fear no competition and that was an accident coming down Dalkey hill and she always tried to conceal it. But it must end, she felt. If she saw that magic lure in his eyes there would be no holding back for her. Love laughs at locksmiths. She would make the great sacrifice. Her every effort would be to share his thoughts. Dearer than the whole world would she be to him and gild his days with happiness. There was the allimportant question and she was dying to know was he a married man or a widower who had lost his wife or some tragedy like the nobleman with the foreign name from the land of song had to have her put into a madhouse, cruel only to be kind. But even if—what then? Would it make a very great difference? From everything in the least indelicate her finebred nature instinctively recoiled. She loathed that sort of person, the fallen women off the accommodation walk beside the Dodder that went with the soldiers and coarse men with no respect for a girl's honour, degrading the sex and being taken up to the police station. No, no: not that. They would be just good friends like a big brother and sister without all that other in spite of the conventions of Society with a big ess. Perhaps it was an old flame he was in mourning for from the days beyond recall. She thought she understood. She would try to understand him because men were so different. The old love was waiting, waiting with little white hands stretched out, with blue appealing eyes. Heart of mine! She would follow, her dream of love, the dictates of her heart that told her he was her all in all, the only man in all the world for her for love was the master guide. Nothing else mattered. Come what might she would be wild, untrammelled, free. Canon O'Hanlon put the Blessed Sacrament back into the tabernacle and genuflected and the choir sang Laudate Dominum omnes gentes and then he locked the tabernacle door because the benediction was over and Father Conroy handed him his hat to put on and crosscat Edy asked wasn't she coming but Jacky Caffrey called out: —O, look, Cissy! And they all looked was it sheet lightning but Tommy saw it too over the trees beside the church, blue and then green and purple. —It's fireworks, Cissy Caffrey said. And they all ran down the strand to see over the houses and the church, helterskelter, Edy with the pushcar with baby Boardman in it and Cissy holding Tommy and Jacky by the hand so they wouldn't fall running. —Come on, Gerty, Cissy called. It's the bazaar fireworks. But Gerty was adamant. She had no intention of being at their beck and call. If they could run like rossies she could sit so she said she could see from where she was. The eyes that were fastened upon her set her pulses tingling. She looked at him a moment, meeting his glance, and a light broke in upon her. Whitehot passion was in that face, passion silent as the grave, and it had made her his. At last they were left alone without the others to pry and pass remarks and she knew he could be trusted to the death, steadfast, a sterling man, a man of inflexible honour to his fingertips. His hands and face were working and a tremour went over her. She leaned back far to look up where the fireworks were and she caught her knee in her hands so as not to fall back looking up and there was no-one to see only him and her when she revealed all her graceful beautifully shaped legs like that, supply soft and delicately rounded, and she seemed to hear the panting of his heart, his hoarse breathing, because she knew too about the passion of men like that, hotblooded, because Bertha Supple told her once in dead secret and made her swear she'd never about the gentleman lodger that was staying with them out of the Congested Districts Board that had pictures cut out of papers of those skirtdancers and highkickers and she said he used to do something not very nice that you could imagine sometimes in the bed. But this was altogether different from a thing like that because there was all the difference because she could almost feel him draw her face to his and the first quick hot touch of his handsome lips. Besides there was absolution so long as you didn't do the other thing before being married and there ought to be women priests that would understand without your telling out and Cissy Caffrey too sometimes had that dreamy kind of dreamy look in her eyes so that she too, my dear, and Winny Rippingham so mad about actors' photographs and besides it was on account of that other thing coming on the way it did. And Jacky Caffrey shouted to look, there was another and she leaned back and the garters were blue to match on account of the transparent and they all saw it and they all shouted to look, look, there it was and she leaned back ever so far to see the fireworks and something queer was flying through the air, a soft thing, to and fro, dark. And she saw a long Roman candle going up over the trees, up, up, and, in the tense hush, they were all breathless with excitement as it went higher and higher and she had to lean back more and more to look up after it, high, high, almost out of sight, and her face was suffused with a divine, an entrancing blush from straining back and he could see her other things too, nainsook knickers, the fabric that caresses the skin, better than those other pettiwidth, the green, four and eleven, on account of being white and she let him and she saw that he saw and then it went so high it went out of sight a moment and she was trembling in every limb from being bent so far back that he had a full view high up above her knee where no-one ever not even on the swing or wading and she wasn't ashamed and he wasn't either to look in that immodest way like that because he couldn't resist the sight of the wondrous revealment half offered like those skirtdancers behaving so immodest before gentlemen looking and he kept on looking, looking. She would fain have cried to him chokingly, held out her snowy slender arms to him to come, to feel his lips laid on her white brow, the cry of a young girl's love, a little strangled cry, wrung from her, that cry that has rung through the ages. And then a rocket sprang and bang shot blind blank and O! then the Roman candle burst and it was like a sigh of O! and everyone cried O! O! in raptures and it gushed out of it a stream of rain gold hair threads and they shed and ah! they were all greeny dewy stars falling with golden, O so lovely, O, soft, sweet, soft! Then all melted away dewily in the grey air: all was silent. Ah! She glanced at him as she bent forward quickly, a pathetic little glance of piteous protest, of shy reproach under which he coloured like a girl He was leaning back against the rock behind. Leopold Bloom (for it is he) stands silent, with bowed head before those young guileless eyes. What a brute he had been! At it again? A fair unsullied soul had called to him and, wretch that he was, how had he answered? An utter cad he had been! He of all men! But there was an infinite store of mercy in those eyes, for him too a word of pardon even though he had erred and sinned and wandered. Should a girl tell? No, a thousand times no. That was their secret, only theirs, alone in the hiding twilight and there was none to know or tell save the little bat that flew so softly through the evening to and fro and little bats don't tell. Cissy Caffrey whistled, imitating the boys in the football field to show what a great person she was: and then she cried: —Gerty! Gerty! We're going. Come on. We can see from farther up. Gerty had an idea, one of love's little ruses. She slipped a hand into her kerchief pocket and took out the wadding and waved in reply of course without letting him and then slipped it back. Wonder if he's too far to. She rose. Was it goodbye? No. She had to go but they would meet again, there, and she would dream of that till then, tomorrow, of her dream of yester eve. She drew herself up to her full height. Their souls met in a last lingering glance and the eyes that reached her heart, full of a strange shining, hung enraptured on her sweet flowerlike face. She half smiled at him wanly, a sweet forgiving smile, a smile that verged on tears, and then they parted. Slowly, without looking back she went down the uneven strand to Cissy, to Edy to Jacky and Tommy Caffrey, to little baby Boardman. It was darker now and there were stones and bits of wood on the strand and slippy seaweed. She walked with a certain quiet dignity characteristic of her but with care and very slowly because—because Gerty MacDowell was... Tight boots? No. She's lame! O! Mr Bloom watched her as she limped away. Poor girl! That's why she's left on the shelf and the others did a sprint. Thought something was wrong by the cut of her jib. Jilted beauty. A defect is ten times worse in a woman. But makes them polite. Glad I didn't know it when she was on show. Hot little devil all the same. I wouldn't mind. Curiosity like a nun or a negress or a girl with glasses. That squinty one is delicate. Near her monthlies, I expect, makes them feel ticklish. I have such a bad headache today. Where did I put the letter? Yes, all right. All kinds of crazy longings. Licking pennies. Girl in Tranquilla convent that nun told me liked to smell rock oil. Virgins go mad in the end I suppose. Sister? How many women in Dublin have it today? Martha, she. Something in the air. That's the moon. But then why don't all women menstruate at the same time with the same moon, I mean? Depends on the time they were born I suppose. Or all start scratch then get out of step. Sometimes Molly and Milly together. Anyhow I got the best of that. Damned glad I didn't do it in the bath this morning over her silly I will punish you letter. Made up for that tramdriver this morning. That gouger M'Coy stopping me to say nothing. And his wife engagement in the country valise, voice like a pickaxe. Thankful for small mercies. Cheap too. Yours for the asking. Because they want it themselves. Their natural craving. Shoals of them every evening poured out of offices. Reserve better. Don't want it they throw it at you. Catch em alive, O. Pity they can't see themselves. A dream of wellfilled hose. Where was that? Ah, yes. Mutoscope pictures in Capel street: for men only. Peeping Tom. Willy's hat and what the girls did with it. Do they snapshot those girls or is it all a fake? Lingerie does it. Felt for the curves inside her deshabillé. Excites them also when they're. I'm all clean come and dirty me. And they like dressing one another for the sacrifice. Milly delighted with Molly's new blouse. At first. Put them all on to take them all off. Molly. Why I bought her the violet garters. Us too: the tie he wore, his lovely socks and turnedup trousers. He wore a pair of gaiters the night that first we met. His lovely shirt was shining beneath his what? of jet. Say a woman loses a charm with every pin she takes out. Pinned together. O, Mairy lost the pin of her. Dressed up to the nines for somebody. Fashion part of their charm. Just changes when you're on the track of the secret. Except the east: Mary, Martha: now as then. No reasonable offer refused. She wasn't in a hurry either. Always off to a fellow when they are. They never forget an appointment. Out on spec probably. They believe in chance because like themselves. And the others inclined to give her an odd dig. Girl friends at school, arms round each other's necks or with ten fingers locked, kissing and whispering secrets about nothing in the convent garden. Nuns with whitewashed faces, cool coifs and their rosaries going up and down, vindictive too for what they can't get. Barbed wire. Be sure now and write to me. And I'll write to you. Now won't you? Molly and Josie Powell. Till Mr Right comes along, then meet once in a blue moon. Tableau! O, look who it is for the love of God! How are you at all? What have you been doing with yourself? Kiss and delighted to, kiss, to see you. Picking holes in each other's appearance. You're looking splendid. Sister souls. Showing their teeth at one another. How many have you left? Wouldn't lend each other a pinch of salt. Ah! Devils they are when that's coming on them. Dark devilish appearance. Molly often told me feel things a ton weight. Scratch the sole of my foot. O that way! O, that's exquisite! Feel it myself too. Good to rest once in a way. Wonder if it's bad to go with them then. Safe in one way. Turns milk, makes fiddlestrings snap. Something about withering plants I read in a garden. Besides they say if the flower withers she wears she's a flirt. All are. Daresay she felt 1. When you feel like that you often meet what you feel. Liked me or what? Dress they look at. Always know a fellow courting: collars and cuffs. Well cocks and lions do the same and stags. Same time might prefer a tie undone or something. Trousers? Suppose I when I was? No. Gently does it. Dislike rough and tumble. Kiss in the dark and never tell. Saw something in me. Wonder what. Sooner have me as I am than some poet chap with bearsgrease plastery hair, lovelock over his dexter optic. To aid gentleman in literary. Ought to attend to my appearance my age. Didn't let her see me in profile. Still, you never know. Pretty girls and ugly men marrying. Beauty and the beast. Besides I can't be so if Molly. Took off her hat to show her hair. Wide brim. Bought to hide her face, meeting someone might know her, bend down or carry a bunch of flowers to smell. Hair strong in rut. Ten bob I got for Molly's combings when we were on the rocks in Holles street. Why not? Suppose he gave her money. Why not? All a prejudice. She's worth ten, fifteen, more, a pound. What? I think so. All that for nothing. Bold hand: Mrs Marion. Did I forget to write address on that letter like the postcard I sent to Flynn? And the day I went to Drimmie's without a necktie. Wrangle with Molly it was put me off. No, I remember. Richie Goulding: he's another. Weighs on his mind. Funny my watch stopped at half past four. Dust. Shark liver oil they use to clean. Could do it myself. Save. Was that just when he, she? O, he did. Into her. She did. Done. Ah! Mr Bloom with careful hand recomposed his wet shirt. O Lord, that little limping devil. Begins to feel cold and clammy. Aftereffect not pleasant. Still you have to get rid of it someway. They don't care. Complimented perhaps. Go home to nicey bread and milky and say night prayers with the kiddies. Well, aren't they? See her as she is spoil all. Must have the stage setting, the rouge, costume, position, music. The name too. Amours of actresses. Nell Gwynn, Mrs Bracegirdle, Maud Branscombe. Curtain up. Moonlight silver effulgence. Maiden discovered with pensive bosom. Little sweetheart come and kiss me. Still, I feel. The strength it gives a man. That's the secret of it. Good job I let off there behind the wall coming out of Dignam's. Cider that was. Otherwise I couldn't have. Makes you want to sing after. Lacaus esant taratara . Suppose I spoke to her. What about? Bad plan however if you don't know how to end the conversation. Ask them a question they ask you another. Good idea if you're stuck. Gain time. But then you're in a cart. Wonderful of course if you say: good evening, and you see she's on for it: good evening. O but the dark evening in the Appian way I nearly spoke to Mrs Clinch O thinking she was. Whew! Girl in Meath street that night. All the dirty things I made her say. All wrong of course. My arks she called it. It's so hard to find one who. Aho! If you don't answer when they solicit must be horrible for them till they harden. And kissed my hand when I gave her the extra two shillings. Parrots. Press the button and the bird will squeak. Wish she hadn't called me sir. O, her mouth in the dark! And you a married man with a single girl! That's what they enjoy. Taking a man from another woman. Or even hear of it. Different with me. Glad to get away from other chap's wife. Eating off his cold plate. Chap in the Burton today spitting back gumchewed gristle. French letter still in my pocketbook. Cause of half the trouble. But might happen sometime, I don't think. Come in, all is prepared. I dreamt. What? Worst is beginning. How they change the venue when it's not what they like. Ask you do you like mushrooms because she once knew a gentleman who. Or ask you what someone was going to say when he changed his mind and stopped. Yet if I went the whole hog, say: I want to, something like that. Because I did. She too. Offend her. Then make it up. Pretend to want something awfully, then cry off for her sake. Flatters them. She must have been thinking of someone else all the time. What harm? Must since she came to the use of reason, he, he and he. First kiss does the trick. The propitious moment. Something inside them goes pop. Mushy like, tell by their eye, on the sly. First thoughts are best. Remember that till their dying day. Molly, lieutenant Mulvey that kissed her under the Moorish wall beside the gardens. Fifteen she told me. But her breasts were developed. Fell asleep then. After Glencree dinner that was when we drove home. Featherbed mountain. Gnashing her teeth in sleep. Lord mayor had his eye on her too. Val Dillon. Apoplectic. There she is with them down there for the fireworks. My fireworks. Up like a rocket, down like a stick. And the children, twins they must be, waiting for something to happen. Want to be grownups. Dressing in mother's clothes. Time enough, understand all the ways of the world. And the dark one with the mop head and the nigger mouth. I knew she could whistle. Mouth made for that. Like Molly. Why that highclass whore in Jammet's wore her veil only to her nose. Would you mind, please, telling me the right time? I'll tell you the right time up a dark lane. Say prunes and prisms forty times every morning, cure for fat lips. Caressing the little boy too. Onlookers see most of the game. Of course they understand birds, animals, babies. In their line. Didn't look back when she was going down the strand. Wouldn't give that satisfaction. Those girls, those girls, those lovely seaside girls. Fine eyes she had, clear. It's the white of the eye brings that out not so much the pupil. Did she know what I? Course. Like a cat sitting beyond a dog's jump. Women never meet one like that Wilkins in the high school drawing a picture of Venus with all his belongings on show. Call that innocence? Poor idiot! His wife has her work cut out for her. Never see them sit on a bench marked Wet Paint . Eyes all over them. Look under the bed for what's not there. Longing to get the fright of their lives. Sharp as needles they are. When I said to Molly the man at the corner of Cuffe street was goodlooking, thought she might like, twigged at once he had a false arm. Had, too. Where do they get that? Typist going up Roger Greene's stairs two at a time to show her understandings. Handed down from father to, mother to daughter, I mean. Bred in the bone. Milly for example drying her handkerchief on the mirror to save the ironing. Best place for an ad to catch a woman's eye on a mirror. And when I sent her for Molly's Paisley shawl to Prescott's by the way that ad I must, carrying home the change in her stocking! Clever little minx. I never told her. Neat way she carries parcels too. Attract men, small thing like that. Holding up her hand, shaking it, to let the blood flow back when it was red. Who did you learn that from? Nobody. Something the nurse taught me. O, don't they know! Three years old she was in front of Molly's dressingtable, just before we left Lombard street west. Me have a nice pace. Mullingar. Who knows? Ways of the world. Young student. Straight on her pins anyway not like the other. Still she was game. Lord, I am wet. Devil you are. Swell of her calf. Transparent stockings, stretched to breaking point. Not like that frump today. A. E. Rumpled stockings. Or the one in Grafton street. White. Wow! Beef to the heel. A monkey puzzle rocket burst, spluttering in darting crackles. Zrads and zrads, zrads, zrads. And Cissy and Tommy and Jacky ran out to see and Edy after with the pushcar and then Gerty beyond the curve of the rocks. Will she? Watch! Watch! See! Looked round. She smelt an onion. Darling, I saw, your. I saw all. Lord! Did me good all the same. Off colour after Kiernan's, Dignam's. For this relief much thanks. In Hamlet, that is. Lord! It was all things combined. Excitement. When she leaned back, felt an ache at the butt of my tongue. Your head it simply swirls. He's right. Might have made a worse fool of myself however. Instead of talking about nothing. Then I will tell you all. Still it was a kind of language between us. It couldn't be? No, Gerty they called her. Might be false name however like my name and the address Dolphin's barn a blind. Her maiden name was Jemina Brown And she lived with her mother in Irishtown. Place made me think of that I suppose. All tarred with the same brush Wiping pens in their stockings. But the ball rolled down to her as if it understood. Every bullet has its billet. Course I never could throw anything straight at school. Crooked as a ram's horn. Sad however because it lasts only a few years till they settle down to potwalloping and papa's pants will soon fit Willy and fuller's earth for the baby when they hold him out to do ah ah. No soft job. Saves them. Keeps them out of harm's way. Nature. Washing child, washing corpse. Dignam. Children's hands always round them. Cocoanut skulls, monkeys, not even closed at first, sour milk in their swaddles and tainted curds. Oughtn't to have given that child an empty teat to suck. Fill it up with wind. Mrs Beaufoy, Purefoy. Must call to the hospital. Wonder is nurse Callan there still. She used to look over some nights when Molly was in the Coffee Palace. That young doctor O'Hare I noticed her brushing his coat. And Mrs Breen and Mrs Dignam once like that too, marriageable. Worst of all at night Mrs Duggan told me in the City Arms. Husband rolling in drunk, stink of pub off him like a polecat. Have that in your nose in the dark, whiff of stale boose. Then ask in the morning: was I drunk last night? Bad policy however to fault the husband. Chickens come home to roost. They stick by one another like glue. Maybe the women's fault also. That's where Molly can knock spots off them. It's the blood of the south. Moorish. Also the form, the figure. Hands felt for the opulent. Just compare for instance those others. Wife locked up at home, skeleton in the cupboard. Allow me to introduce my. Then they trot you out some kind of a nondescript, wouldn't know what to call her. Always see a fellow's weak point in his wife. Still there's destiny in it, falling in love. Have their own secrets between them. Chaps that would go to the dogs if some woman didn't take them in hand. Then little chits of girls, height of a shilling in coppers, with little hubbies. As God made them he matched them. Sometimes children turn out well enough. Twice nought makes one. Or old rich chap of seventy and blushing bride. Marry in May and repent in December. This wet is very unpleasant. Stuck. Well the foreskin is not back. Better detach. Ow! Other hand a sixfooter with a wifey up to his watchpocket. Long and the short of it. Big he and little she. Very strange about my watch. Wristwatches are always going wrong. Wonder is there any magnetic influence between the person because that was about the time he. Yes, I suppose, at once. Cat's away, the mice will play. I remember looking in Pill lane. Also that now is magnetism. Back of everything magnetism. Earth for instance pulling this and being pulled. That causes movement. And time, well that's the time the movement takes. Then if one thing stopped the whole ghesabo would stop bit by bit. Because it's all arranged. Magnetic needle tells you what's going on in the sun, the stars. Little piece of steel iron. When you hold out the fork. Come. Come. Tip. Woman and man that is. Fork and steel. Molly, he. Dress up and look and suggest and let you see and see more and defy you if you're a man to see that and, like a sneeze coming, legs, look, look and if you have any guts in you. Tip. Have to let fly. Wonder how is she feeling in that region. Shame all put on before third person. More put out about a hole in her stocking. Molly, her underjaw stuck out, head back, about the farmer in the ridingboots and spurs at the horse show. And when the painters were in Lombard street west. Fine voice that fellow had. How Giuglini began. Smell that I did. Like flowers. It was too. Violets. Came from the turpentine probably in the paint. Make their own use of everything. Same time doing it scraped her slipper on the floor so they wouldn't hear. But lots of them can't kick the beam, I think. Keep that thing up for hours. Kind of a general all round over me and half down my back. Wait. Hm. Hm. Yes. That's her perfume. Why she waved her hand. I leave you this to think of me when I'm far away on the pillow. What is it? Heliotrope? No. Hyacinth? Hm. Roses, I think. She'd like scent of that kind. Sweet and cheap: soon sour. Why Molly likes opoponax. Suits her, with a little jessamine mixed. Her high notes and her low notes. At the dance night she met him, dance of the hours. Heat brought it out. She was wearing her black and it had the perfume of the time before. Good conductor, is it? Or bad? Light too. Suppose there's some connection. For instance if you go into a cellar where it's dark. Mysterious thing too. Why did I smell it only now? Took its time in coming like herself, slow but sure. Suppose it's ever so many millions of tiny grains blown across. Yes, it is. Because those spice islands, Cinghalese this morning, smell them leagues off. Tell you what it is. It's like a fine fine veil or web they have all over the skin, fine like what do you call it gossamer, and they're always spinning it out of them, fine as anything, like rainbow colours without knowing it. Clings to everything she takes off. Vamp of her stockings. Warm shoe. Stays. Drawers: little kick, taking them off. Byby till next time. Also the cat likes to sniff in her shift on the bed. Know her smell in a thousand. Bathwater too. Reminds me of strawberries and cream. Wonder where it is really. There or the armpits or under the neck. Because you get it out of all holes and corners. Hyacinth perfume made of oil of ether or something. Muskrat. Bag under their tails. One grain pour off odour for years. Dogs at each other behind. Good evening. Evening. How do you sniff? Hm. Hm. Very well, thank you. Animals go by that. Yes now, look at it that way. We're the same. Some women, instance, warn you off when they have their period. Come near. Then get a hogo you could hang your hat on. Like what? Potted herrings gone stale or. Boof! Please keep off the grass. Perhaps they get a man smell off us. What though? Cigary gloves long John had on his desk the other day. Breath? What you eat and drink gives that. No. Mansmell, I mean. Must be connected with that because priests that are supposed to be are different. Women buzz round it like flies round treacle. Railed off the altar get on to it at any cost. The tree of forbidden priest. O, father, will you? Let me be the first to. That diffuses itself all through the body, permeates. Source of life. And it's extremely curious the smell. Celery sauce. Let me. Mr Bloom inserted his nose. Hm. Into the. Hm. Opening of his waistcoat. Almonds or. No. Lemons it is. Ah no, that's the soap. O by the by that lotion. I knew there was something on my mind. Never went back and the soap not paid. Dislike carrying bottles like that hag this morning. Hynes might have paid me that three shillings. I could mention Meagher's just to remind him. Still if he works that paragraph. Two and nine. Bad opinion of me he'll have. Call tomorrow. How much do I owe you? Three and nine? Two and nine, sir. Ah. Might stop him giving credit another time. Lose your customers that way. Pubs do. Fellows run up a bill on the slate and then slinking around the back streets into somewhere else. Here's this nobleman passed before. Blown in from the bay. Just went as far as turn back. Always at home at dinnertime. Looks mangled out: had a good tuck in. Enjoying nature now. Grace after meals. After supper walk a mile. Sure he has a small bank balance somewhere, government sit. Walk after him now make him awkward like those newsboys me today. Still you learn something. See ourselves as others see us. So long as women don't mock what matter? That's the way to find out. Ask yourself who is he now. The Mystery Man on the Beach , prize titbit story by Mr Leopold Bloom. Payment at the rate of one guinea per column. And that fellow today at the graveside in the brown macintosh. Corns on his kismet however. Healthy perhaps absorb all the. Whistle brings rain they say. Must be some somewhere. Salt in the Ormond damp. The body feels the atmosphere. Old Betty's joints are on the rack. Mother Shipton's prophecy that is about ships around they fly in the twinkling. No. Signs of rain it is. The royal reader. And distant hills seem coming nigh. Howth. Bailey light. Two, four, six, eight, nine. See. Has to change or they might think it a house. Wreckers. Grace Darling. People afraid of the dark. Also glowworms, cyclists: lightingup time. Jewels diamonds flash better. Women. Light is a kind of reassuring. Not going to hurt you. Better now of course than long ago. Country roads. Run you through the small guts for nothing. Still two types there are you bob against. Scowl or smile. Pardon! Not at all. Best time to spray plants too in the shade after the sun. Some light still. Red rays are longest. Roygbiv Vance taught us: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. A star I see. Venus? Can't tell yet. Two. When three it's night. Were those nightclouds there all the time? Looks like a phantom ship. No. Wait. Trees are they? An optical illusion. Mirage. Land of the setting sun this. Homerule sun setting in the southeast. My native land, goodnight. Dew falling. Bad for you, dear, to sit on that stone. Brings on white fluxions. Never have little baby then less he was big strong fight his way up through. Might get piles myself. Sticks too like a summer cold, sore on the mouth. Cut with grass or paper worst. Friction of the position. Like to be that rock she sat on. O sweet little, you don't know how nice you looked. I begin to like them at that age. Green apples. Grab at all that offer. Suppose it's the only time we cross legs, seated. Also the library today: those girl graduates. Happy chairs under them. But it's the evening influence. They feel all that. Open like flowers, know their hours, sunflowers, Jerusalem artichokes, in ballrooms, chandeliers, avenues under the lamps. Nightstock in Mat Dillon's garden where I kissed her shoulder. Wish I had a full length oilpainting of her then. June that was too I wooed. The year returns. History repeats itself. Ye crags and peaks I'm with you once again. Life, love, voyage round your own little world. And now? Sad about her lame of course but must be on your guard not to feel too much pity. They take advantage. All quiet on Howth now. The distant hills seem. Where we. The rhododendrons. I am a fool perhaps. He gets the plums, and I the plumstones. Where I come in. All that old hill has seen. Names change: that's all. Lovers: yum yum. Tired I feel now. Will I get up? O wait. Drained all the manhood out of me, little wretch. She kissed me. Never again. My youth. Only once it comes. Or hers. Take the train there tomorrow. No. Returning not the same. Like kids your second visit to a house. The new I want. Nothing new under the sun. Care of P. O. Dolphin's Barn. Are you not happy in your? Naughty darling. At Dolphin's barn charades in Luke Doyle's house. Mat Dillon and his bevy of daughters: Tiny, Atty, Floey, Maimy, Louy, Hetty. Molly too. Eightyseven that was. Year before we. And the old major, partial to his drop of spirits. Curious she an only child, I an only child. So it returns. Think you're escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home. And just when he and she. Circus horse walking in a ring. Rip van Winkle we played. Rip: tear in Henny Doyle's overcoat. Van: breadvan delivering. Winkle: cockles and periwinkles. Then I did Rip van Winkle coming back. She leaned on the sideboard watching. Moorish eyes. Twenty years asleep in Sleepy Hollow. All changed. Forgotten. The young are old. His gun rusty from the dew. Ba. What is that flying about? Swallow? Bat probably. Thinks I'm a tree, so blind. Have birds no smell? Metempsychosis. They believed you could be changed into a tree from grief. Weeping willow. Ba. There he goes. Funny little beggar. Wonder where he lives. Belfry up there. Very likely. Hanging by his heels in the odour of sanctity. Bell scared him out, I suppose. Mass seems to be over. Could hear them all at it. Pray for us. And pray for us. And pray for us. Good idea the repetition. Same thing with ads. Buy from us. And buy from us. Yes, there's the light in the priest's house. Their frugal meal. Remember about the mistake in the valuation when I was in Thom's. Twentyeight it is. Two houses they have. Gabriel Conroy's brother is curate. Ba. Again. Wonder why they come out at night like mice. They're a mixed breed. Birds are like hopping mice. What frightens them, light or noise? Better sit still. All instinct like the bird in drouth got water out of the end of a jar by throwing in pebbles. Like a little man in a cloak he is with tiny hands. Weeny bones. Almost see them shimmering, kind of a bluey white. Colours depend on the light you see. Stare the sun for example like the eagle then look at a shoe see a blotch blob yellowish. Wants to stamp his trademark on everything. Instance, that cat this morning on the staircase. Colour of brown turf. Say you never see them with three colours. Not true. That half tabbywhite tortoiseshell in the City Arms with the letter em on her forehead. Body fifty different colours. Howth a while ago amethyst. Glass flashing. That's how that wise man what's his name with the burning glass. Then the heather goes on fire. It can't be tourists' matches. What? Perhaps the sticks dry rub together in the wind and light. Or broken bottles in the furze act as a burning glass in the sun. Archimedes. I have it! My memory's not so bad. Ba. Who knows what they're always flying for. Insects? That bee last week got into the room playing with his shadow on the ceiling. Might be the one bit me, come back to see. Birds too. Never find out. Or what they say. Like our small talk. And says she and says he. Nerve they have to fly over the ocean and back. Lots must be killed in storms, telegraph wires. Dreadful life sailors have too. Big brutes of oceangoing steamers floundering along in the dark, lowing out like seacows. Faugh a Ballagh! Out of that, bloody curse to you! Others in vessels, bit of a handkerchief sail, pitched about like snuff at a wake when the stormy winds do blow. Married too. Sometimes away for years at the ends of the earth somewhere. No ends really because it's round. Wife in every port they say. She has a good job if she minds it till Johnny comes marching home again. If ever he does. Smelling the tail end of ports. How can they like the sea? Yet they do. The anchor's weighed. Off he sails with a scapular or a medal on him for luck. Well. And the tephilim no what's this they call it poor papa's father had on his door to touch. That brought us out of the land of Egypt and into the house of bondage. Something in all those superstitions because when you go out never know what dangers. Hanging on to a plank or astride of a beam for grim life, lifebelt round him, gulping salt water, and that's the last of his nibs till the sharks catch hold of him. Do fish ever get seasick? Then you have a beautiful calm without a cloud, smooth sea, placid, crew and cargo in smithereens, Davy Jones' locker, moon looking down so peaceful. Not my fault, old cockalorum. A last lonely candle wandered up the sky from Mirus bazaar in search of funds for Mercer's hospital and broke, drooping, and shed a cluster of violet but one white stars. They floated, fell: they faded. The shepherd's hour: the hour of folding: hour of tryst. From house to house, giving his everwelcome double knock, went the nine o'clock postman, the glowworm's lamp at his belt gleaming here and there through the laurel hedges. And among the five young trees a hoisted lintstock lit the lamp at Leahy's terrace. By screens of lighted windows, by equal gardens a shrill voice went crying, wailing: Evening Telegraph, stop press edition! Result of the Gold Cup race! and from the door of Dignam's house a boy ran out and called. Twittering the bat flew here, flew there. Far out over the sands the coming surf crept, grey. Howth settled for slumber, tired of long days, of yumyum rhododendrons (he was old) and felt gladly the night breeze lift, ruffle his fell of ferns. He lay but opened a red eye unsleeping, deep and slowly breathing, slumberous but awake. And far on Kish bank the anchored lightship twinkled, winked at Mr Bloom. Life those chaps out there must have, stuck in the same spot. Irish Lights board. Penance for their sins. Coastguards too. Rocket and breeches buoy and lifeboat. Day we went out for the pleasure cruise in the Erin's King, throwing them the sack of old papers. Bears in the zoo. Filthy trip. Drunkards out to shake up their livers. Puking overboard to feed the herrings. Nausea. And the women, fear of God in their faces. Milly, no sign of funk. Her blue scarf loose, laughing. Don't know what death is at that age. And then their stomachs clean. But being lost they fear. When we hid behind the tree at Crumlin. I didn't want to. Mamma! Mamma! Babes in the wood. Frightening them with masks too. Throwing them up in the air to catch them. I'll murder you. Is it only half fun? Or children playing battle. Whole earnest. How can people aim guns at each other. Sometimes they go off. Poor kids! Only troubles wildfire and nettlerash. Calomel purge I got her for that. After getting better asleep with Molly. Very same teeth she has. What do they love? Another themselves? But the morning she chased her with the umbrella. Perhaps so as not to hurt. I felt her pulse. Ticking. Little hand it was: now big. Dearest Papli. All that the hand says when you touch. Loved to count my waistcoat buttons. Her first stays I remember. Made me laugh to see. Little paps to begin with. Left one is more sensitive, I think. Mine too. Nearer the heart? Padding themselves out if fat is in fashion. Her growing pains at night, calling, wakening me. Frightened she was when her nature came on her first. Poor child! Strange moment for the mother too. Brings back her girlhood. Gibraltar. Looking from Buena Vista. O'Hara's tower. The seabirds screaming. Old Barbary ape that gobbled all his family. Sundown, gunfire for the men to cross the lines. Looking out over the sea she told me. Evening like this, but clear, no clouds. I always thought I'd marry a lord or a rich gentleman coming with a private yacht. Buenas noches, señorita. El hombre ama la muchacha hermosa . Why me? Because you were so foreign from the others. Better not stick here all night like a limpet. This weather makes you dull. Must be getting on for nine by the light. Go home. Too late for Leah, Lily of Killarney. No. Might be still up. Call to the hospital to see. Hope she's over. Long day I've had. Martha, the bath, funeral, house of Keyes, museum with those goddesses, Dedalus' song. Then that bawler in Barney Kiernan's. Got my own back there. Drunken ranters what I said about his God made him wince. Mistake to hit back. Or? No. Ought to go home and laugh at themselves. Always want to be swilling in company. Afraid to be alone like a child of two. Suppose he hit me. Look at it other way round. Not so bad then. Perhaps not to hurt he meant. Three cheers for Israel. Three cheers for the sister-in-law he hawked about, three fangs in her mouth. Same style of beauty. Particularly nice old party for a cup of tea. The sister of the wife of the wild man of Borneo has just come to town. Imagine that in the early morning at close range. Everyone to his taste as Morris said when he kissed the cow. But Dignam's put the boots on it. Houses of mourning so depressing because you never know. Anyhow she wants the money. Must call to those Scottish Widows as I promised. Strange name. Takes it for granted we're going to pop off first. That widow on Monday was it outside Cramer's that looked at me. Buried the poor husband but progressing favourably on the premium. Her widow's mite. Well? What do you expect her to do? Must wheedle her way along. Widower I hate to see. Looks so forlorn. Poor man O'Connor wife and five children poisoned by mussels here. The sewage. Hopeless. Some good matronly woman in a porkpie hat to mother him. Take him in tow, platter face and a large apron. Ladies' grey flannelette bloomers, three shillings a pair, astonishing bargain. Plain and loved, loved for ever, they say. Ugly: no woman thinks she is. Love, lie and be handsome for tomorrow we die. See him sometimes walking about trying to find out who played the trick. U. p: up. Fate that is. He, not me. Also a shop often noticed. Curse seems to dog it. Dreamt last night? Wait. Something confused. She had red slippers on. Turkish. Wore the breeches. Suppose she does? Would I like her in pyjamas? Damned hard to answer. Nannetti's gone. Mailboat. Near Holyhead by now. Must nail that ad of Keyes's. Work Hynes and Crawford. Petticoats for Molly. She has something to put in them. What's that? Might be money. Mr Bloom stooped and turned over a piece of paper on the strand. He brought it near his eyes and peered. Letter? No. Can't read. Better go. Better. I'm tired to move. Page of an old copybook. All those holes and pebbles. Who could count them? Never know what you find. Bottle with story of a treasure in it, thrown from a wreck. Parcels post. Children always want to throw things in the sea. Trust? Bread cast on the waters. What's this? Bit of stick. O! Exhausted that female has me. Not so young now. Will she come here tomorrow? Wait for her somewhere for ever. Must come back. Murderers do. Will I? Mr Bloom with his stick gently vexed the thick sand at his foot. Write a message for her. Might remain. What? Some flatfoot tramp on it in the morning. Useless. Washed away. Tide comes here. Saw a pool near her foot. Bend, see my face there, dark mirror, breathe on it, stirs. All these rocks with lines and scars and letters. O, those transparent! Besides they don't know. What is the meaning of that other world. I called you naughty boy because I do not like. No room. Let it go. Mr Bloom effaced the letters with his slow boot. Hopeless thing sand. Nothing grows in it. All fades. No fear of big vessels coming up here. Except Guinness's barges. Round the Kish in eighty days. Done half by design. He flung his wooden pen away. The stick fell in silted sand, stuck. Now if you were trying to do that for a week on end you couldn't. Chance. We'll never meet again. But it was lovely. Goodbye, dear. Thanks. Made me feel so young. Short snooze now if I had. Must be near nine. Liverpool boat long gone.. Not even the smoke. And she can do the other. Did too. And Belfast. I won't go. Race there, race back to Ennis. Let him. Just close my eyes a moment. Won't sleep, though. Half dream. It never comes the same. Bat again. No harm in him. Just a few. O sweety all your little girlwhite up I saw dirty bracegirdle made me do love sticky we two naughty Grace darling she him half past the bed met him pike hoses frillies for Raoul de perfume your wife black hair heave under embon señorita young eyes Mulvey plump bubs me breadvan Winkle red slippers she rusty sleep wander years of dreams return tail end Agendath swoony lovey showed me her next year in drawers return next in her next her next. A bat flew. Here. There. Here. Far in the grey a bell chimed. Mr Bloom with open mouth, his left boot sanded sideways, leaned, breathed. Just for a few The clock on the mantelpiece in the priest's house cooed where Canon O'Hanlon and Father Conroy and the reverend John Hughes S. J. were taking tea and sodabread and butter and fried mutton chops with catsup and talking about Because it was a little canarybird that came out of its little house to tell the time that Gerty MacDowell noticed the time she was there because she was as quick as anything about a thing like that, was Gerty MacDowell, and she noticed at once that that foreign gentleman that was sitting on the rocks looking was Deshil Holles Eamus. Deshil Holles Eamus. Deshil Holles Eamus. Send us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Send us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Send us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa! Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa! Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa! Universally that person's acumen is esteemed very little perceptive concerning whatsoever matters are being held as most profitably by mortals with sapience endowed to be studied who is ignorant of that which the most in doctrine erudite and certainly by reason of that in them high mind's ornament deserving of veneration constantly maintain when by general consent they affirm that other circumstances being equal by no exterior splendour is the prosperity of a nation more efficaciously asserted than by the measure of how far forward may have progressed the tribute of its solicitude for that proliferent continuance which of evils the original if it be absent when fortunately present constitutes the certain sign of omnipotent nature's incorrupted benefaction. For who is there who anything of some significance has apprehended but is conscious that that exterior splendour may be the surface of a downwardtending lutulent reality or on the contrary anyone so is there unilluminated as not to perceive that as no nature's boon can contend against the bounty of increase so it behoves every most just citizen to become the exhortator and admonisher of his semblables and to tremble lest what had in the past been by the nation excellently commenced might be in the future not with similar excellence accomplished if an inverecund habit shall have gradually traduced the honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that thither of profundity that that one was audacious excessively who would have the hardihood to rise affirming that no more odious offence can for anyone be than to oblivious neglect to consign that evangel simultaneously command and promise which on all mortals with prophecy of abundance or with diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever irrevocably enjoined? It is not why therefore we shall wonder if, as the best historians relate, among the Celts, who nothing that was not in its nature admirable admired, the art of medicine shall have been highly honoured. Not to speak of hostels, leperyards, sweating chambers, plaguegraves, their greatest doctors, the O'Shiels, the O'Hickeys, the O'Lees, have sedulously set down the divers methods by which the sick and the relapsed found again health whether the malady had been the trembling withering or loose boyconnell flux. Certainly in every public work which in it anything of gravity contains preparation should be with importance commensurate and therefore a plan was by them adopted (whether by having preconsidered or as the maturation of experience it is difficult in being said which the discrepant opinions of subsequent inquirers are not up to the present congrued to render manifest) whereby maternity was so far from all accident possibility removed that whatever care the patient in that all hardest of woman hour chiefly required and not solely for the copiously opulent but also for her who not being sufficiently moneyed scarcely and often not even scarcely could subsist valiantly and for an inconsiderable emolument was provided. To her nothing already then and thenceforward was anyway able to be molestful for this chiefly felt all citizens except with proliferent mothers prosperity at all not to can be and as they had received eternity gods mortals generation to befit them her beholding, when the case was so hoving itself, parturient in vehicle thereward carrying desire immense among all one another was impelling on of her to be received into that domicile. O thing of prudent nation not merely in being seen but also even in being related worthy of being praised that they her by anticipation went seeing mother, that she by them suddenly to be about to be cherished had been begun she felt! Before born bliss babe had. Within womb won he worship. Whatever in that one case done commodiously done was. A couch by midwives attended with wholesome food reposeful, cleanest swaddles as though forthbringing were now done and by wise foresight set: but to this no less of what drugs there is need and surgical implements which are pertaining to her case not omitting aspect of all very distracting spectacles in various latitudes by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and human, the cogitation of which by sejunct females is to tumescence conducive or eases issue in the high sunbright wellbuilt fair home of mothers when, ostensibly far gone and reproductitive, it is come by her thereto to lie in, her term up. Some man that wayfaring was stood by housedoor at night's oncoming. Of Israel's folk was that man that on earth wandering far had fared. Stark ruth of man his errand that him lone led till that house. Of that house A. Horne is lord. Seventy beds keeps he there teeming mothers are wont that they lie for to thole and bring forth bairns hale so God's angel to Mary quoth. Watchers tway there walk, white sisters in ward sleepless. Smarts they still, sickness soothing: in twelve moons thrice an hundred. Truest bedthanes they twain are, for Horne holding wariest ward. In ward wary the watcher hearing come that man mildhearted eft rising with swire ywimpled to him her gate wide undid. Lo, levin leaping lightens in eyeblink Ireland's westward welkin. Full she drad that God the Wreaker all mankind would fordo with water for his evil sins. Christ's rood made she on breastbone and him drew that he would rathe infare under her thatch. That man her will wotting worthful went in Horne's house. Loth to irk in Horne's hall hat holding the seeker stood. On her stow he ere was living with dear wife and lovesome daughter that then over land and seafloor nine years had long outwandered. Once her in townhithe meeting he to her bow had not doffed. Her to forgive now he craved with good ground of her allowed that that of him swiftseen face, hers, so young then had looked. Light swift her eyes kindled, bloom of blushes his word winning. As her eyes then ongot his weeds swart therefor sorrow she feared. Glad after she was that ere adread was. Her he asked if O'Hare Doctor tidings sent from far coast and she with grameful sigh him answered that O'Hare Doctor in heaven was. Sad was the man that word to hear that him so heavied in bowels ruthful. All she there told him, ruing death for friend so young, algate sore unwilling God's rightwiseness to withsay. She said that he had a fair sweet death through God His goodness with masspriest to be shriven, holy housel and sick men's oil to his limbs. The man then right earnest asked the nun of which death the dead man was died and the nun answered him and said that he was died in Mona Island through bellycrab three year agone come Childermas and she prayed to God the Allruthful to have his dear soul in his undeathliness. He heard her sad words, in held hat sad staring. So stood they there both awhile in wanhope sorrowing one with other. Therefore, everyman, look to that last end that is thy death and the dust that gripeth on every man that is born of woman for as he came naked forth from his mother's womb so naked shall he wend him at the last for to go as he came. The man that was come in to the house then spoke to the nursingwoman and he asked her how it fared with the woman that lay there in childbed. The nursingwoman answered him and said that that woman was in throes now full three days and that it would be a hard birth unneth to bear but that now in a little it would be. She said thereto that she had seen many births of women but never was none so hard as was that woman's birth. Then she set it all forth to him for because she knew the man that time was had lived nigh that house. The man hearkened to her words for he felt with wonder women's woe in the travail that they have of motherhood and he wondered to look on her face that was a fair face for any man to see but yet was she left after long years a handmaid. Nine twelve bloodflows chiding her childless. And whiles they spake the door of the castle was opened and there nighed them a mickle noise as of many that sat there at meat. And there came against the place as they stood a young learningknight yclept Dixon. And the traveller Leopold was couth to him sithen it had happed that they had had ado each with other in the house of misericord where this learningknight lay by cause the traveller Leopold came there to be healed for he was sore wounded in his breast by a spear wherewith a horrible and dreadful dragon was smitten him for which he did do make a salve of volatile salt and chrism as much as he might suffice. And he said now that he should go in to that castle for to make merry with them that were there. And the traveller Leopold said that he should go otherwhither for he was a man of cautels and a subtile. Also the lady was of his avis and repreved the learningknight though she trowed well that the traveller had said thing that was false for his subtility. But the learningknight would not hear say nay nor do her mandement ne have him in aught contrarious to his list and he said how it was a marvellous castle. And the traveller Leopold went into the castle for to rest him for a space being sore of limb after many marches environing in divers lands and sometime venery. And in the castle was set a board that was of the birchwood of Finlandy and it was upheld by four dwarfmen of that country but they durst not move more for enchantment. And on this board were frightful swords and knives that are made in a great cavern by swinking demons out of white flames that they fix then in the horns of buffalos and stags that there abound marvellously. And there were vessels that are wrought by magic of Mahound out of seasand and the air by a warlock with his breath that he blases in to them like to bubbles. And full fair cheer and rich was on the board that no wight could devise a fuller ne richer. And there was a vat of silver that was moved by craft to open in the which lay strange fishes withouten heads though misbelieving men nie that this be possible thing without they see it natheless they are so. And these fishes lie in an oily water brought there from Portugal land because of the fatness that therein is like to the juices of the olivepress. And also it was a marvel to see in that castle how by magic they make a compost out of fecund wheatkidneys out of Chaldee that by aid of certain angry spirits that they do in to it swells up wondrously like to a vast mountain. And they teach the serpents there to entwine themselves up on long sticks out of the ground and of the scales of these serpents they brew out a brewage like to mead. And the learning knight let pour for childe Leopold a draught and halp thereto the while all they that were there drank every each. And childe Leopold did up his beaver for to pleasure him and took apertly somewhat in amity for he never drank no manner of mead which he then put by and anon full privily he voided the more part in his neighbour glass and his neighbour nist not of this wile. And he sat down in that castle with them for to rest him there awhile. Thanked be Almighty God. This meanwhile this good sister stood by the door and begged them at the reverence of Jesu our alther liege Lord to leave their wassailing for there was above one quick with child, a gentle dame, whose time hied fast. Sir Leopold heard on the upfloor cry on high and he wondered what cry that it was whether of child or woman and I marvel, said he, that it be not come or now. Meseems it dureth overlong. And he was ware and saw a franklin that hight Lenehan on that side the table that was older than any of the tother and for that they both were knights virtuous in the one emprise and eke by cause that he was elder he spoke to him full gently. But, said he, or it be long too she will bring forth by God His bounty and have joy of her childing for she hath waited marvellous long. And the franklin that had drunken said, Expecting each moment to be her next. Also he took the cup that stood tofore him for him needed never none asking nor desiring of him to drink and, Now drink, said he, fully delectably, and he quaffed as far as he might to their both's health for he was a passing good man of his lustiness. And sir Leopold that was the goodliest guest that ever sat in scholars' hall and that was the meekest man and the kindest that ever laid husbandly hand under hen and that was the very truest knight of the world one that ever did minion service to lady gentle pledged him courtly in the cup. Woman's woe with wonder pondering. Now let us speak of that fellowship that was there to the intent to be drunken an they might. There was a sort of scholars along either side the board, that is to wit, Dixon yclept junior of saint Mary Merciable's with other his fellows Lynch and Madden, scholars of medicine, and the franklin that hight Lenehan and one from Alba Longa, one Crotthers, and young Stephen that had mien of a frere that was at head of the board and Costello that men clepen Punch Costello all long of a mastery of him erewhile gested (and of all them, reserved young Stephen, he was the most drunken that demanded still of more mead) and beside the meek sir Leopold. But on young Malachi they waited for that he promised to have come and such as intended to no goodness said how he had broke his avow. And sir Leopold sat with them for he bore fast friendship to sir Simon and to this his son young Stephen and for that his languor becalmed him there after longest wanderings insomuch as they feasted him for that time in the honourablest manner. Ruth red him, love led on with will to wander, loth to leave. For they were right witty scholars. And he heard their aresouns each gen other as touching birth and righteousness, young Madden maintaining that put such case it were hard the wife to die (for so it had fallen out a matter of some year agone with a woman of Eblana in Horne's house that now was trespassed out of this world and the self night next before her death all leeches and pothecaries had taken counsel of her case). And they said farther she should live because in the beginning, they said, the woman should bring forth in pain and wherefore they that were of this imagination affirmed how young Madden had said truth for he had conscience to let her die. And not few and of these was young Lynch were in doubt that the world was now right evil governed as it was never other howbeit the mean people believed it otherwise but the law nor his judges did provide no remedy. A redress God grant. This was scant said but all cried with one acclaim nay, by our Virgin Mother, the wife should live and the babe to die. In colour whereof they waxed hot upon that head what with argument and what for their drinking but the franklin Lenehan was prompt each when to pour them ale so that at the least way mirth might not lack. Then young Madden showed all the whole affair and said how that she was dead and how for holy religion sake by rede of palmer and bedesman and for a vow he had made to Saint Ultan of Arbraccan her goodman husband would not let her death whereby they were all wondrous grieved. To whom young Stephen had these words following: Murmur, sirs, is eke oft among lay folk. Both babe and parent now glorify their Maker, the one in limbo gloom, the other in purgefire. But, gramercy, what of those Godpossibled souls that we nightly impossibilise, which is the sin against the Holy Ghost, Very God, Lord and Giver of Life? For, sirs, he said, our lust is brief. We are means to those small creatures within us and nature has other ends than we. Then said Dixon junior to Punch Costello wist he what ends. But he had overmuch drunken and the best word he could have of him was that he would ever dishonest a woman whoso she were or wife or maid or leman if it so fortuned him to be delivered of his spleen of lustihead. Whereat Crotthers of Alba Longa sang young Malachi's praise of that beast the unicorn how once in the millennium he cometh by his horn, the other all this while, pricked forward with their jibes wherewith they did malice him, witnessing all and several by saint Foutinus his engines that he was able to do any manner of thing that lay in man to do. Thereat laughed they all right jocundly only young Stephen and sir Leopold which never durst laugh too open by reason of a strange humour which he would not bewray and also for that he rued for her that bare whoso she might be or wheresoever. Then spake young Stephen orgulous of mother Church that would cast him out of her bosom, of law of canons, of Lilith, patron of abortions, of bigness wrought by wind of seeds of brightness or by potency of vampires mouth to mouth or, as Virgilius saith, by the influence of the occident or by the reek of moonflower or an she lie with a woman which her man has but lain with, effectu secuto , or peradventure in her bath according to the opinions of Averroes and Moses Maimonides. He said also how at the end of the second month a human soul was infused and how in all our holy mother foldeth ever souls for God's greater glory whereas that earthly mother which was but a dam to bear beastly should die by canon for so saith he that holdeth the fisherman's seal, even that blessed Peter on which rock was holy church for all ages founded. All they bachelors then asked of sir Leopold would he in like case so jeopard her person as risk life to save life. A wariness of mind he would answer as fitted all and, laying hand to jaw, he said dissembling, as his wont was, that as it was informed him, who had ever loved the art of physic as might a layman, and agreeing also with his experience of so seldomseen an accident it was good for that mother Church belike at one blow had birth and death pence and in such sort deliverly he scaped their questions. That is truth, pardy, said Dixon, and, or I err, a pregnant word. Which hearing young Stephen was a marvellous glad man and he averred that he who stealeth from the poor lendeth to the Lord for he was of a wild manner when he was drunken and that he was now in that taking it appeared eftsoons. But sir Leopold was passing grave maugre his word by cause he still had pity of the terrorcausing shrieking of shrill women in their labour and as he was minded of his good lady Marion that had borne him an only manchild which on his eleventh day on live had died and no man of art could save so dark is destiny. And she was wondrous stricken of heart for that evil hap and for his burial did him on a fair corselet of lamb's wool, the flower of the flock, lest he might perish utterly and lie akeled (for it was then about the midst of the winter) and now Sir Leopold that had of his body no manchild for an heir looked upon him his friend's son and was shut up in sorrow for his forepassed happiness and as sad as he was that him failed a son of such gentle courage (for all accounted him of real parts) so grieved he also in no less measure for young Stephen for that he lived riotously with those wastrels and murdered his goods with whores. About that present time young Stephen filled all cups that stood empty so as there remained but little mo if the prudenter had not shadowed their approach from him that still plied it very busily who, praying for the intentions of the sovereign pontiff, he gave them for a pledge the vicar of Christ which also as he said is vicar of Bray. Now drink we, quod he, of this mazer and quaff ye this mead which is not indeed parcel of my body but my soul's bodiment. Leave ye fraction of bread to them that live by bread alone. Be not afeard neither for any want for this will comfort more than the other will dismay. See ye here. And he showed them glistering coins of the tribute and goldsmith notes the worth of two pound nineteen shilling that he had, he said, for a song which he writ. They all admired to see the foresaid riches in such dearth of money as was herebefore. His words were then these as followeth: Know all men, he said, time's ruins build eternity's mansions. What means this? Desire's wind blasts the thorntree but after it becomes from a bramblebush to be a rose upon the rood of time. Mark me now. In woman's womb word is made flesh but in the spirit of the maker all flesh that passes becomes the word that shall not pass away. This is the postcreation. Omnis caro ad te veniet . No question but her name is puissant who aventried the dear corse of our Agenbuyer, Healer and Herd, our mighty mother and mother most venerable and Bernardus saith aptly that She hath an omnipotentiam deiparae supplicem , that is to wit, an almightiness of petition because she is the second Eve and she won us, saith Augustine too, whereas that other, our grandam, which we are linked up with by successive anastomosis of navelcords sold us all, seed, breed and generation, for a penny pippin. But here is the matter now. Or she knew him, that second I say, and was but creature of her creature, vergine madre, figlia di tuo figlio , or she knew him not and then stands she in the one denial or ignorancy with Peter Piscator who lives in the house that Jack built and with Joseph the joiner patron of the happy demise of all unhappy marriages, parceque M. Léo Taxil nous a dit que qui l'avait mise dans cette fichue position c'était le sacre pigeon, ventre de Dieu! Entweder transubstantiality ODER consubstantiality but in no case subsubstantiality. And all cried out upon it for a very scurvy word. A pregnancy without joy, he said, a birth without pangs, a body without blemish, a belly without bigness. Let the lewd with faith and fervour worship. With will will we withstand, withsay. Hereupon Punch Costello dinged with his fist upon the board and would sing a bawdy catch Staboo Stabella about a wench that was put in pod of a jolly swashbuckler in Almany which he did straightways now attack: The first three months she was not well, Staboo, when here nurse Quigley from the door angerly bid them hist ye should shame you nor was it not meet as she remembered them being her mind was to have all orderly against lord Andrew came for because she was jealous that no gasteful turmoil might shorten the honour of her guard. It was an ancient and a sad matron of a sedate look and christian walking, in habit dun beseeming her megrims and wrinkled visage, nor did her hortative want of it effect for incontinently Punch Costello was of them all embraided and they reclaimed the churl with civil rudeness some and shaked him with menace of blandishments others whiles they all chode with him, a murrain seize the dolt, what a devil he would be at, thou chuff, thou puny, thou got in peasestraw, thou losel, thou chitterling, thou spawn of a rebel, thou dykedropt, thou abortion thou, to shut up his drunken drool out of that like a curse of God ape, the good sir Leopold that had for his cognisance the flower of quiet, margerain gentle, advising also the time's occasion as most sacred and most worthy to be most sacred. In Horne's house rest should reign. To be short this passage was scarce by when Master Dixon of Mary in Eccles, goodly grinning, asked young Stephen what was the reason why he had not cided to take friar's vows and he answered him obedience in the womb, chastity in the tomb but involuntary poverty all his days. Master Lenehan at this made return that he had heard of those nefarious deeds and how, as he heard hereof counted, he had besmirched the lily virtue of a confiding female which was corruption of minors and they all intershowed it too, waxing merry and toasting to his fathership. But he said very entirely it was clean contrary to their suppose for he was the eternal son and ever virgin. Thereat mirth grew in them the more and they rehearsed to him his curious rite of wedlock for the disrobing and deflowering of spouses, as the priests use in Madagascar island, she to be in guise of white and saffron, her groom in white and grain, with burning of nard and tapers, on a bridebed while clerks sung kyries and the anthem Ut novetur sexus omnis corporis mysterium till she was there unmaided. He gave them then a much admirable hymen minim by those delicate poets Master John Fletcher and Master Francis Beaumont that is in their Maid's Tragedy that was writ for a like twining of lovers: To bed, to bed was the burden of it to be played with accompanable concent upon the virginals. An exquisite dulcet epithalame of most mollificative suadency for juveniles amatory whom the odoriferous flambeaus of the paranymphs have escorted to the quadrupedal proscenium of connubial communion. Well met they were, said Master Dixon, joyed, but, harkee, young sir, better were they named Beau Mount and Lecher for, by my troth, of such a mingling much might come. Young Stephen said indeed to his best remembrance they had but the one doxy between them and she of the stews to make shift with in delights amorous for life ran very high in those days and the custom of the country approved with it. Greater love than this, he said, no man hath that a man lay down his wife for his friend. Go thou and do likewise. Thus, or words to that effect, saith Zarathustra, sometime regius professor of French letters to the university of Oxtail nor breathed there ever that man to whom mankind was more beholden. Bring a stranger within thy tower it will go hard but thou wilt have the secondbest bed. Orate, fratres, pro memetipso . And all the people shall say, Amen. Remember, Erin, thy generations and thy days of old, how thou settedst little by me and by my word and broughtedst in a stranger to my gates to commit fornication in my sight and to wax fat and kick like Jeshurum. Therefore hast thou sinned against my light and hast made me, thy lord, to be the slave of servants. Return, return, Clan Milly: forget me not, O Milesian. Why hast thou done this abomination before me that thou didst spurn me for a merchant of jalaps and didst deny me to the Roman and to the Indian of dark speech with whom thy daughters did lie luxuriously? Look forth now, my people, upon the land of behest, even from Horeb and from Nebo and from Pisgah and from the Horns of Hatten unto a land flowing with milk and money. But thou hast suckled me with a bitter milk: my moon and my sun thou hast quenched for ever. And thou hast left me alone for ever in the dark ways of my bitterness: and with a kiss of ashes hast thou kissed my mouth. This tenebrosity of the interior, he proceeded to say, hath not been illumined by the wit of the septuagint nor so much as mentioned for the Orient from on high Which brake hell's gates visited a darkness that was foraneous. Assuefaction minorates atrocities (as Tully saith of his darling Stoics) and Hamlet his father showeth the prince no blister of combustion. The adiaphane in the noon of life is an Egypt's plague which in the nights of prenativity and postmortemity is their most proper ubi and quomodo . And as the ends and ultimates of all things accord in some mean and measure with their inceptions and originals, that same multiplicit concordance which leads forth growth from birth accomplishing by a retrogressive metamorphosis that minishing and ablation towards the final which is agreeable unto nature so is it with our subsolar being. The aged sisters draw us into life: we wail, batten, sport, clip, clasp, sunder, dwindle, die: over us dead they bend. First, saved from waters of old Nile, among bulrushes, a bed of fasciated wattles: at last the cavity of a mountain, an occulted sepulchre amid the conclamation of the hillcat and the ossifrage. And as no man knows the ubicity of his tumulus nor to what processes we shall thereby be ushered nor whether to Tophet or to Edenville in the like way is all hidden when we would backward see from what region of remoteness the whatness of our whoness hath fetched his whenceness. Thereto Punch Costello roared out mainly Etienne chanson but he loudly bid them, lo, wisdom hath built herself a house, this vast majestic longstablished vault, the crystal palace of the Creator, all in applepie order, a penny for him who finds the pea. A black crack of noise in the street here, alack, bawled back. Loud on left Thor thundered: in anger awful the hammerhurler. Came now the storm that hist his heart. And Master Lynch bade him have a care to flout and witwanton as the god self was angered for his hellprate and paganry. And he that had erst challenged to be so doughty waxed wan as they might all mark and shrank together and his pitch that was before so haught uplift was now of a sudden quite plucked down and his heart shook within the cage of his breast as he tasted the rumour of that storm. Then did some mock and some jeer and Punch Costello fell hard again to his yale which Master Lenehan vowed he would do after and he was indeed but a word and a blow on any the least colour. But the braggart boaster cried that an old Nobodaddy was in his cups it was muchwhat indifferent and he would not lag behind his lead. But this was only to dye his desperation as cowed he crouched in Horne's hall. He drank indeed at one draught to pluck up a heart of any grace for it thundered long rumblingly over all the heavens so that Master Madden, being godly certain whiles, knocked him on his ribs upon that crack of doom and Master Bloom, at the braggart's side, spoke to him calming words to slumber his great fear, advertising how it was no other thing but a hubbub noise that he heard, the discharge of fluid from the thunderhead, look you, having taken place, and all of the order of a natural phenomenon. But was young Boasthard's fear vanquished by Calmer's words? No, for he had in his bosom a spike named Bitterness which could not by words be done away. And was he then neither calm like the one nor godly like the other? He was neither as much as he would have liked to be either. But could he not have endeavoured to have found again as in his youth the bottle Holiness that then he lived withal? Indeed no for Grace was not there to find that bottle. Heard he then in that clap the voice of the god Bringforth or, what Calmer said, a hubbub of Phenomenon? Heard? Why, he could not but hear unless he had plugged him up the tube Understanding (which he had not done). For through that tube he saw that he was in the land of Phenomenon where he must for a certain one day die as he was like the rest too a passing show. And would he not accept to die like the rest and pass away? By no means would he though he must nor would he make more shows according as men do with wives which Phenomenon has commanded them to do by the book Law. Then wotted he nought of that other land which is called Believe-on-Me, that is the land of promise which behoves to the king Delightful and shall be for ever where there is no death and no birth neither wiving nor mothering at which all shall come as many as believe on it? Yes, Pious had told him of that land and Chaste had pointed him to the way but the reason was that in the way he fell in with a certain whore of an eyepleasing exterior whose name, she said, is Bird-in-the-Hand and she beguiled him wrongways from the true path by her flatteries that she said to him as, Ho, you pretty man, turn aside hither and I will show you a brave place, and she lay at him so flatteringly that she had him in her grot which is named Two-in-the-Bush or, by some learned, Carnal Concupiscence. This was it what all that company that sat there at commons in Manse of Mothers the most lusted after and if they met with this whore Bird-in-the-Hand (which was within all foul plagues, monsters and a wicked devil) they would strain the last but they would make at her and know her. For regarding Believe-on-Me they said it was nought else but notion and they could conceive no thought of it for, first, Two-in-the-Bush whither she ticed them was the very goodliest grot and in it were four pillows on which were four tickets with these words printed on them, Pickaback and Topsyturvy and Shameface and Cheek by Jowl and, second, for that foul plague Allpox and the monsters they cared not for them for Preservative had given them a stout shield of oxengut and, third, that they might take no hurt neither from Offspring that was that wicked devil by virtue of this same shield which was named Killchild. So were they all in their blind fancy, Mr Cavil and Mr Sometimes Godly, Mr Ape Swillale, Mr False Franklin, Mr Dainty Dixon, Young Boasthard and Mr Cautious Calmer. Wherein, O wretched company, were ye all deceived for that was the voice of the god that was in a very grievous rage that he would presently lift his arm up and spill their souls for their abuses and their spillings done by them contrariwise to his word which forth to bring brenningly biddeth. So Thursday sixteenth June Patk. Dignam laid in clay of an apoplexy and after hard drought, please God, rained, a bargeman coming in by water a fifty mile or thereabout with turf saying the seed won't sprout, fields athirst, very sadcoloured and stunk mightily, the quags and tofts too. Hard to breathe and all the young quicks clean consumed without sprinkle this long while back as no man remembered to be without. The rosy buds all gone brown and spread out blobs and on the hills nought but dry flag and faggots that would catch at first fire. All the world saying, for aught they knew, the big wind of last February a year that did havoc the land so pitifully a small thing beside this barrenness. But by and by, as said, this evening after sundown, the wind sitting in the west, biggish swollen clouds to be seen as the night increased and the weatherwise poring up at them and some sheet lightnings at first and after, past ten of the clock, one great stroke with a long thunder and in a brace of shakes all scamper pellmell within door for the smoking shower, the men making shelter for their straws with a clout or kerchief, womenfolk skipping off with kirtles catched up soon as the pour came. In Ely place, Baggot street, Duke's lawn, thence through Merrion green up to Holles street a swash of water flowing that was before bonedry and not one chair or coach or fiacre seen about but no more crack after that first. Over against the Rt. Hon. Mr Justice Fitzgibbon's door (that is to sit with Mr Healy the lawyer upon the college lands) Mal. Mulligan a gentleman's gentleman that had but come from Mr Moore's the writer's (that was a papish but is now, folk say, a good Williamite) chanced against Alec. Bannon in a cut bob (which are now in with dance cloaks of Kendal green) that was new got to town from Mullingar with the stage where his coz and Mal M's brother will stay a month yet till Saint Swithin and asks what in the earth he does there, he bound home and he to Andrew Horne's being stayed for to crush a cup of wine, so he said, but would tell him of a skittish heifer, big of her age and beef to the heel, and all this while poured with rain and so both together on to Horne's. There Leop. Bloom of Crawford's journal sitting snug with a covey of wags, likely brangling fellows, Dixon jun., scholar of my lady of Mercy's, Vin. Lynch, a Scots fellow, Will. Madden, T. Lenehan, very sad about a racer he fancied and Stephen D. Leop. Bloom there for a languor he had but was now better, be having dreamed tonight a strange fancy of his dame Mrs Moll with red slippers on in a pair of Turkey trunks which is thought by those in ken to be for a change and Mistress Purefoy there, that got in through pleading her belly, and now on the stools, poor body, two days past her term, the midwives sore put to it and can't deliver, she queasy for a bowl of riceslop that is a shrewd drier up of the insides and her breath very heavy more than good and should be a bullyboy from the knocks, they say, but God give her soon issue. 'Tis her ninth chick to live, I hear, and Lady day bit off her last chick's nails that was then a twelvemonth and with other three all breastfed that died written out in a fair hand in the king's bible. Her hub fifty odd and a methodist but takes the sacrament and is to be seen any fair sabbath with a pair of his boys off Bullock harbour dapping on the sound with a heavybraked reel or in a punt he has trailing for flounder and pollock and catches a fine bag, I hear. In sum an infinite great fall of rain and all refreshed and will much increase the harvest yet those in ken say after wind and water fire shall come for a prognostication of Malachi's almanac (and I hear that Mr Russell has done a prophetical charm of the same gist out of the Hindustanish for his farmer's gazette) to have three things in all but this a mere fetch without bottom of reason for old crones and bairns yet sometimes they are found in the right guess with their queerities no telling how. With this came up Lenehan to the feet of the table to say how the letter was in that night's gazette and he made a show to find it about him (for he swore with an oath that he had been at pains about it) but on Stephen's persuasion he gave over the search and was bidden to sit near by which he did mighty brisk. He was a kind of sport gentleman that went for a merryandrew or honest pickle and what belonged of women, horseflesh or hot scandal he had it pat. To tell the truth he was mean in fortunes and for the most part hankered about the coffeehouses and low taverns with crimps, ostlers, bookies, Paul's men, runners, flatcaps, waistcoateers, ladies of the bagnio and other rogues of the game or with a chanceable catchpole or a tipstaff often at nights till broad day of whom he picked up between his sackpossets much loose gossip. He took his ordinary at a boilingcook's and if he had but gotten into him a mess of broken victuals or a platter of tripes with a bare tester in his purse he could always bring himself off with his tongue, some randy quip he had from a punk or whatnot that every mother's son of them would burst their sides. The other, Costello that is, hearing this talk asked was it poetry or a tale. Faith, no, he says, Frank (that was his name), 'tis all about Kerry cows that are to be butchered along of the plague. But they can go hang, says he with a wink, for me with their bully beef, a pox on it. There's as good fish in this tin as ever came out of it and very friendly he offered to take of some salty sprats that stood by which he had eyed wishly in the meantime and found the place which was indeed the chief design of his embassy as he was sharpset. Mort aux vaches , says Frank then in the French language that had been indentured to a brandyshipper that has a winelodge in Bordeaux and he spoke French like a gentleman too. From a child this Frank had been a donought that his father, a headborough, who could ill keep him to school to learn his letters and the use of the globes, matriculated at the university to study the mechanics but he took the bit between his teeth like a raw colt and was more familiar with the justiciary and the parish beadle than with his volumes. One time he would be a playactor, then a sutler or a welsher, then nought would keep him from the bearpit and the cocking main, then he was for the ocean sea or to hoof it on the roads with the romany folk, kidnapping a squire's heir by favour of moonlight or fecking maids' linen or choking chicken behind a hedge. He had been off as many times as a cat has lives and back again with naked pockets as many more to his father the headborough who shed a pint of tears as often as he saw him. What, says Mr Leopold with his hands across, that was earnest to know the drift of it, will they slaughter all? I protest I saw them but this day morning going to the Liverpool boats, says he. I can scarce believe 'tis so bad, says he. And he had experience of the like brood beasts and of springers, greasy hoggets and wether wool, having been some years before actuary for Mr Joseph Cuffe, a worthy salesmaster that drove his trade for live stock and meadow auctions hard by Mr Gavin Low's yard in Prussia street. I question with you there, says he. More like 'tis the hoose or the timber tongue. Mr Stephen, a little moved but very handsomely told him no such matter and that he had dispatches from the emperor's chief tailtickler thanking him for the hospitality, that was sending over Doctor Rinderpest, the bestquoted cowcatcher in all Muscovy, with a bolus or two of physic to take the bull by the horns. Come, come, says Mr Vincent, plain dealing. He'll find himself on the horns of a dilemma if he meddles with a bull that's Irish, says he. Irish by name and irish by nature, says Mr Stephen, and he sent the ale purling about, an Irish bull in an English chinashop. I conceive you, says Mr Dixon. It is that same bull that was sent to our island by farmer Nicholas, the bravest cattlebreeder of them all, with an emerald ring in his nose. True for you, says Mr Vincent cross the table, and a bullseye into the bargain, says he, and a plumper and a portlier bull, says he, never shit on shamrock. He had horns galore, a coat of cloth of gold and a sweet smoky breath coming out of his nostrils so that the women of our island, leaving doughballs and rollingpins, followed after him hanging his bulliness in daisychains. What for that, says Mr Dixon, but before he came over farmer Nicholas that was a eunuch had him properly gelded by a college of doctors who were no better off than himself. So be off now, says he, and do all my cousin german the lord Harry tells you and take a farmer's blessing, and with that he slapped his posteriors very soundly. But the slap and the blessing stood him friend, says Mr Vincent, for to make up he taught him a trick worth two of the other so that maid, wife, abbess and widow to this day affirm that they would rather any time of the month whisper in his ear in the dark of a cowhouse or get a lick on the nape from his long holy tongue than lie with the finest strapping young ravisher in the four fields of all Ireland. Another then put in his word: And they dressed him, says he, in a point shift and petticoat with a tippet and girdle and ruffles on his wrists and clipped his forelock and rubbed him all over with spermacetic oil and built stables for him at every turn of the road with a gold manger in each full of the best hay in the market so that he could doss and dung to his heart's content. By this time the father of the faithful (for so they called him) was grown so heavy that he could scarce walk to pasture. To remedy which our cozening dames and damsels brought him his fodder in their apronlaps and as soon as his belly was full he would rear up on his hind uarters to show their ladyships a mystery and roar and bellow out of him in bulls' language and they all after him. Ay, says another, and so pampered was he that he would suffer nought to grow in all the land but green grass for himself (for that was the only colour to his mind) and there was a board put up on a hillock in the middle of the island with a printed notice, saying: By the Lord Harry, Green is the grass that grows on the ground. And, says Mr Dixon, if ever he got scent of a cattleraider in Roscommon or the wilds of Connemara or a husbandman in Sligo that was sowing as much as a handful of mustard or a bag of rapeseed out he'd run amok over half the countryside rooting up with his horns whatever was planted and all by lord Harry's orders. There was bad blood between them at first, says Mr Vincent, and the lord Harry called farmer Nicholas all the old Nicks in the world and an old whoremaster that kept seven trulls in his house and I'll meddle in his matters, says he. I'll make that animal smell hell, says he, with the help of that good pizzle my father left me. But one evening, says Mr Dixon, when the lord Harry was cleaning his royal pelt to go to dinner after winning a boatrace (he had spade oars for himself but the first rule of the course was that the others were to row with pitchforks) he discovered in himself a wonderful likeness to a bull and on picking up a blackthumbed chapbook that he kept in the pantry he found sure enough that he was a lefthanded descendant of the famous champion bull of the Romans, Bos Bovum , which is good bog Latin for boss of the show. After that, says Mr Vincent, the lord Harry put his head into a cow's drinkingtrough in the presence of all his courtiers and pulling it out again told them all his new name. Then, with the water running off him, he got into an old smock and skirt that had belonged to his grandmother and bought a grammar of the bulls' language to study but he could never learn a word of it except the first personal pronoun which he copied out big and got off by heart and if ever he went out for a walk he filled his pockets with chalk to write it upon what took his fancy, the side of a rock or a teahouse table or a bale of cotton or a corkfloat. In short, he and the bull of Ireland were soon as fast friends as an arse and a shirt. They were, says Mr Stephen, and the end was that the men of the island seeing no help was toward, as the ungrate women were all of one mind, made a wherry raft, loaded themselves and their bundles of chattels on shipboard, set all masts erect, manned the yards, sprang their luff, heaved to, spread three sheets in the wind, put her head between wind and water, weighed anchor, ported her helm, ran up the jolly Roger, gave three times three, let the bullgine run, pushed off in their bumboat and put to sea to recover the main of America. Which was the occasion, says Mr Vincent, of the composing by a boatswain of that rollicking chanty: Our worthy acquaintance Mr Malachi Mulligan now appeared in the doorway as the students were finishing their apologue accompanied with a friend whom he had just rencountered, a young gentleman, his name Alec Bannon, who had late come to town, it being his intention to buy a colour or a cornetcy in the fencibles and list for the wars. Mr Mulligan was civil enough to express some relish of it all the more as it jumped with a project of his own for the cure of the very evil that had been touched on. Whereat he handed round to the company a set of pasteboard cards which he had had printed that day at Mr Quinnell's bearing a legend printed in fair italics: Mr Malachi Mulligan. Fertiliser and Incubator. Lambay Island . His project, as he went on to expound, was to withdraw from the round of idle pleasures such as form the chief business of sir Fopling Popinjay and sir Milksop Quidnunc in town and to devote himself to the noblest task for which our bodily organism has been framed. Well, let us hear of it, good my friend, said Mr Dixon. I make no doubt it smacks of wenching. Come, be seated, both. 'Tis as cheap sitting as standing. Mr Mulligan accepted of the invitation and, expatiating upon his design, told his hearers that he had been led into this thought by a consideration of the causes of sterility, both the inhibitory and the prohibitory, whether the inhibition in its turn were due to conjugal vexations or to a parsimony of the balance as well as whether the prohibition proceeded from defects congenital or from proclivities acquired. It grieved him plaguily, he said, to see the nuptial couch defrauded of its dearest pledges: and to reflect upon so many agreeable females with rich jointures, a prey to the vilest bonzes, who hide their flambeau under a bushel in an uncongenial cloister or lose their womanly bloom in the embraces of some unaccountable muskin when they might multiply the inlets of happiness, sacrificing the inestimable jewel of their sex when a hundred pretty fellows were at hand to caress, this, he assured them, made his heart weep. To curb this inconvenient (which he concluded due to a suppression of latent heat), having advised with certain counsellors of worth and inspected into this matter, he had resolved to purchase in fee simple for ever the freehold of Lambay island from its holder, lord Talbot de Malahide, a Tory gentleman of note much in favour with our ascendancy party. He proposed to set up there a national fertilising farm to be named Omphalos with an obelisk hewn and erected after the fashion of Egypt and to offer his dutiful yeoman services for the fecundation of any female of what grade of life soever who should there direct to him with the desire of fulfilling the functions of her natural. Money was no object, he said, nor would he take a penny for his pains. The poorest kitchenwench no less than the opulent lady of fashion, if so be their constructions and their tempers were warm persuaders for their petitions, would find in him their man. For his nutriment he shewed how he would feed himself exclusively upon a diet of savoury tubercles and fish and coneys there, the flesh of these latter prolific rodents being highly recommended for his purpose, both broiled and stewed with a blade of mace and a pod or two of capsicum chillies. After this homily which he delivered with much warmth of asseveration Mr Mulligan in a trice put off from his hat a kerchief with which he had shielded it. They both, it seems, had been overtaken by the rain and for all their mending their pace had taken water, as might be observed by Mr Mulligan's smallclothes of a hodden grey which was now somewhat piebald. His project meanwhile was very favourably entertained by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from all though Mr Dixon of Mary's excepted to it, asking with a finicking air did he purpose also to carry coals to Newcastle. Mr Mulligan however made court to the scholarly by an apt quotation from the classics which, as it dwelt upon his memory, seemed to him a sound and tasteful support of his contention: Talis ac tanta depravatio hujus seculi, O quirites, ut matresfamiliarum nostrae lascivas cujuslibet semiviri libici titillationes testibus ponderosis atque excelsis erectionibus centurionum Romanorum magnopere anteponunt , while for those of ruder wit he drove home his point by analogies of the animal kingdom more suitable to their stomach, the buck and doe of the forest glade, the farmyard drake and duck. Valuing himself not a little upon his elegance, being indeed a proper man of person, this talkative now applied himself to his dress with animadversions of some heat upon the sudden whimsy of the atmospherics while the company lavished their encomiums upon the project he had advanced. The young gentleman, his friend, overjoyed as he was at a passage that had late befallen him, could not forbear to tell it his nearest neighbour. Mr Mulligan, now perceiving the table, asked for whom were those loaves and fishes and, seeing the stranger, he made him a civil bow and said, Pray, sir, was you in need of any professional assistance we could give? Who, upon his offer, thanked him very heartily, though preserving his proper distance, and replied that he was come there about a lady, now an inmate of Horne's house, that was in an interesting condition, poor body, from woman's woe (and here he fetched a deep sigh) to know if her happiness had yet taken place. Mr Dixon, to turn the table, took on to ask of Mr Mulligan himself whether his incipient ventripotence, upon which he rallied him, betokened an ovoblastic gestation in the prostatic utricle or male womb or was due, as with the noted physician, Mr Austin Meldon, to a wolf in the stomach. For answer Mr Mulligan, in a gale of laughter at his smalls, smote himself bravely below the diaphragm, exclaiming with an admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan (the most excellent creature of her sex though 'tis pity she's a trollop): There's a belly that never bore a bastard. This was so happy a conceit that it renewed the storm of mirth and threw the whole room into the most violent agitations of delight. The spry rattle had run on in the same vein of mimicry but for some larum in the antechamber. Here the listener who was none other than the Scotch student, a little fume of a fellow, blond as tow, congratulated in the liveliest fashion with the young gentleman and, interrupting the narrative at a salient point, having desired his visavis with a polite beck to have the obligingness to pass him a flagon of cordial waters at the same time by a questioning poise of the head (a whole century of polite breeding had not achieved so nice a gesture) to which was united an equivalent but contrary balance of the bottle asked the narrator as plainly as was ever done in words if he might treat him with a cup of it. Mais bien sûr , noble stranger, said he cheerily, et mille compliments . That you may and very opportunely. There wanted nothing but this cup to crown my felicity. But, gracious heaven, was I left with but a crust in my wallet and a cupful of water from the well, my God, I would accept of them and find it in my heart to kneel down upon the ground and give thanks to the powers above for the happiness vouchsafed me by the Giver of good things. With these words he approached the goblet to his lips, took a complacent draught of the cordial, slicked his hair and, opening his bosom, out popped a locket that hung from a silk riband, that very picture which he had cherished ever since her hand had wrote therein. Gazing upon those features with a world of tenderness, Ah, Monsieur, he said, had you but beheld her as I did with these eyes at that affecting instant with her dainty tucker and her new coquette cap (a gift for her feastday as she told me prettily) in such an artless disorder, of so melting a tenderness, 'pon my conscience, even you, Monsieur, had been impelled by generous nature to deliver yourself wholly into the hands of such an enemy or to quit the field for ever. I declare, I was never so touched in all my life. God, I thank thee, as the Author of my days! Thrice happy will he be whom so amiable a creature will bless with her favours. A sigh of affection gave eloquence to these words and, having replaced the locket in his bosom, he wiped his eye and sighed again. Beneficent Disseminator of blessings to all Thy creatures, how great and universal must be that sweetest of Thy tyrannies which can hold in thrall the free and the bond, the simple swain and the polished coxcomb, the lover in the heyday of reckless passion and the husband of maturer years. But indeed, sir, I wander from the point. How mingled and imperfect are all our sublunary joys. Maledicity! he exclaimed in anguish. Would to God that foresight had but remembered me to take my cloak along! I could weep to think of it. Then, though it had poured seven showers, we were neither of us a penny the worse. But beshrew me, he cried, clapping hand to his forehead, tomorrow will be a new day and, thousand thunders, I know of a marchand de capotes , Monsieur Poyntz, from whom I can have for a livre as snug a cloak of the French fashion as ever kept a lady from wetting. Tut, tut! cries Le Fecondateur, tripping in, my friend Monsieur Moore, that most accomplished traveller (I have just cracked a half bottle AVEC LUI in a circle of the best wits of the town), is my authority that in Cape Horn, ventre biche , they have a rain that will wet through any, even the stoutest cloak. A drenching of that violence, he tells me, sans blague , has sent more than one luckless fellow in good earnest posthaste to another world. Pooh! A livre! cries Monsieur Lynch. The clumsy things are dear at a sou. One umbrella, were it no bigger than a fairy mushroom, is worth ten such stopgaps. No woman of any wit would wear one. My dear Kitty told me today that she would dance in a deluge before ever she would starve in such an ark of salvation for, as she reminded me (blushing piquantly and whispering in my ear though there was none to snap her words but giddy butterflies), dame Nature, by the divine blessing, has implanted it in our hearts and it has become a household word that il y a deux choses for which the innocence of our original garb, in other circumstances a breach of the proprieties, is the fittest, nay, the only garment. The first, said she (and here my pretty philosopher, as I handed her to her tilbury, to fix my attention, gently tipped with her tongue the outer chamber of my ear), the first is a bath... But at this point a bell tinkling in the hall cut short a discourse which promised so bravely for the enrichment of our store of knowledge. Amid the general vacant hilarity of the assembly a bell rang and, while all were conjecturing what might be the cause, Miss Callan entered and, having spoken a few words in a low tone to young Mr Dixon, retired with a profound bow to the company. The presence even for a moment among a party of debauchees of a woman endued with every quality of modesty and not less severe than beautiful refrained the humourous sallies even of the most licentious but her departure was the signal for an outbreak of ribaldry. Strike me silly, said Costello, a low fellow who was fuddled. A monstrous fine bit of cowflesh! I'll be sworn she has rendezvoused you. What, you dog? Have you a way with them? Gad's bud, immensely so, said Mr Lynch. The bedside manner it is that they use in the Mater hospice. Demme, does not Doctor O'Gargle chuck the nuns there under the chin. As I look to be saved I had it from my Kitty who has been wardmaid there any time these seven months. Lawksamercy, doctor, cried the young blood in the primrose vest, feigning a womanish simper and with immodest squirmings of his body, how you do tease a body! Drat the man! Bless me, I'm all of a wibbly wobbly. Why, you're as bad as dear little Father Cantekissem, that you are! May this pot of four half choke me, cried Costello, if she aint in the family way. I knows a lady what's got a white swelling quick as I claps eyes on her. The young surgeon, however, rose and begged the company to excuse his retreat as the nurse had just then informed him that he was needed in the ward. Merciful providence had been pleased to put a period to the sufferings of the lady who was enceinte which she had borne with a laudable fortitude and she had given birth to a bouncing boy. I want patience, said he, with those who, without wit to enliven or learning to instruct, revile an ennobling profession which, saving the reverence due to the Deity, is the greatest power for happiness upon the earth. I am positive when I say that if need were I could produce a cloud of witnesses to the excellence of her noble exercitations which, so far from being a byword, should be a glorious incentive in the human breast. I cannot away with them. What? Malign such an one, the amiable Miss Callan, who is the lustre of her own sex and the astonishment of ours? And at an instant the most momentous that can befall a puny child of clay? Perish the thought! I shudder to think of the future of a race where the seeds of such malice have been sown and where no right reverence is rendered to mother and maid in house of Horne. Having delivered himself of this rebuke he saluted those present on the by and repaired to the door. A murmur of approval arose from all and some were for ejecting the low soaker without more ado, a design which would have been effected nor would he have received more than his bare deserts had he not abridged his transgression by affirming with a horrid imprecation (for he swore a round hand) that he was as good a son of the true fold as ever drew breath. Stap my vitals, said he, them was always the sentiments of honest Frank Costello which I was bred up most particular to honour thy father and thy mother that had the best hand to a rolypoly or a hasty pudding as you ever see what I always looks back on with a loving heart. To revert to Mr Bloom who, after his first entry, had been conscious of some impudent mocks which he however had borne with as being the fruits of that age upon which it is commonly charged that it knows not pity. The young sparks, it is true, were as full of extravagancies as overgrown children: the words of their tumultuary discussions were difficultly understood and not often nice: their testiness and outrageous mots were such that his intellects resiled from: nor were they scrupulously sensible of the proprieties though their fund of strong animal spirits spoke in their behalf. But the word of Mr Costello was an unwelcome language for him for he nauseated the wretch that seemed to him a cropeared creature of a misshapen gibbosity, born out of wedlock and thrust like a crookback toothed and feet first into the world, which the dint of the surgeon's pliers in his skull lent indeed a colour to, so as to put him in thought of that missing link of creation's chain desiderated by the late ingenious Mr Darwin. It was now for more than the middle span of our allotted years that he had passed through the thousand vicissitudes of existence and, being of a wary ascendancy and self a man of rare forecast, he had enjoined his heart to repress all motions of a rising choler and, by intercepting them with the readiest precaution, foster within his breast that plenitude of sufferance which base minds jeer at, rash judgers scorn and all find tolerable and but tolerable. To those who create themselves wits at the cost of feminine delicacy (a habit of mind which he never did hold with) to them he would concede neither to bear the name nor to herit the tradition of a proper breeding: while for such that, having lost all forbearance, can lose no more, there remained the sharp antidote of experience to cause their insolency to beat a precipitate and inglorious retreat. Not but what he could feel with mettlesome youth which, caring nought for the mows of dotards or the gruntlings of the severe, is ever (as the chaste fancy of the Holy Writer expresses it) for eating of the tree forbid it yet not so far forth as to pretermit humanity upon any condition soever towards a gentlewoman when she was about her lawful occasions. To conclude, while from the sister's words he had reckoned upon a speedy delivery he was, however, it must be owned, not a little alleviated by the intelligence that the issue so auspicated after an ordeal of such duress now testified once more to the mercy as well as to the bounty of the Supreme Being. Accordingly he broke his mind to his neighbour, saying that, to express his notion of the thing, his opinion (who ought not perchance to express one) was that one must have a cold constitution and a frigid genius not to be rejoiced by this freshest news of the fruition of her confinement since she had been in such pain through no fault of hers. The dressy young blade said it was her husband's that put her in that expectation or at least it ought to be unless she were another Ephesian matron. I must acquaint you, said Mr Crotthers, clapping on the table so as to evoke a resonant comment of emphasis, old Glory Allelujurum was round again today, an elderly man with dundrearies, preferring through his nose a request to have word of Wilhelmina, my life, as he calls her. I bade him hold himself in readiness for that the event would burst anon. 'Slife, I'll be round with you. I cannot but extol the virile potency of the old bucko that could still knock another child out of her. All fell to praising of it, each after his own fashion, though the same young blade held with his former view that another than her conjugial had been the man in the gap, a clerk in orders, a linkboy (virtuous) or an itinerant vendor of articles needed in every household. Singular, communed the guest with himself, the wonderfully unequal faculty of metempsychosis possessed by them, that the puerperal dormitory and the dissecting theatre should be the seminaries of such frivolity, that the mere acquisition of academic titles should suffice to transform in a pinch of time these votaries of levity into exemplary practitioners of an art which most men anywise eminent have esteemed the noblest. But, he further added, it is mayhap to relieve the pentup feelings that in common oppress them for I have more than once observed that birds of a feather laugh together. But with what fitness, let it be asked of the noble lord, his patron, has this alien, whom the concession of a gracious prince has admitted to civic rights, constituted himself the lord paramount of our internal polity? Where is now that gratitude which loyalty should have counselled? During the recent war whenever the enemy had a temporary advantage with his granados did this traitor to his kind not seize that moment to discharge his piece against the empire of which he is a tenant at will while he trembled for the security of his four per cents? Has he forgotten this as he forgets all benefits received? Or is it that from being a deluder of others he has become at last his own dupe as he is, if report belie him not, his own and his only enjoyer? Far be it from candour to violate the bedchamber of a respectable lady, the daughter of a gallant major, or to cast the most distant reflections upon her virtue but if he challenges attention there (as it was indeed highly his interest not to have done) then be it so. Unhappy woman, she has been too long and too persistently denied her legitimate prerogative to listen to his objurgations with any other feeling than the derision of the desperate. He says this, a censor of morals, a very pelican in his piety, who did not scruple, oblivious of the ties of nature, to attempt illicit intercourse with a female domestic drawn from the lowest strata of society! Nay, had the hussy's scouringbrush not been her tutelary angel, it had gone with her as hard as with Hagar, the Egyptian! In the question of the grazing lands his peevish asperity is notorious and in Mr Cuffe's hearing brought upon him from an indignant rancher a scathing retort couched in terms as straightforward as they were bucolic. It ill becomes him to preach that gospel. Has he not nearer home a seedfield that lies fallow for the want of the ploughshare? A habit reprehensible at puberty is second nature and an opprobrium in middle life. If he must dispense his balm of Gilead in nostrums and apothegms of dubious taste to restore to health a generation of unfledged profligates let his practice consist better with the doctrines that now engross him. His marital breast is the repository of secrets which decorum is reluctant to adduce. The lewd suggestions of some faded beauty may console him for a consort neglected and debauched but this new exponent of morals and healer of ills is at his best an exotic tree which, when rooted in its native orient, throve and flourished and was abundant in balm but, transplanted to a clime more temperate, its roots have lost their quondam vigour while the stuff that comes away from it is stagnant, acid and inoperative. The news was imparted with a circumspection recalling the ceremonial usage of the Sublime Porte by the second female infirmarian to the junior medical officer in residence, who in his turn announced to the delegation that an heir had been born, When he had betaken himself to the women's apartment to assist at the prescribed ceremony of the afterbirth in the presence of the secretary of state for domestic affairs and the members of the privy council, silent in unanimous exhaustion and approbation the delegates, chafing under the length and solemnity of their vigil and hoping that the joyful occurrence would palliate a licence which the simultaneous absence of abigail and obstetrician rendered the easier, broke out at once into a strife of tongues. In vain the voice of Mr Canvasser Bloom was heard endeavouring to urge, to mollify, to refrain. The moment was too propitious for the display of that discursiveness which seemed the only bond of union among tempers so divergent. Every phase of the situation was successively eviscerated: the prenatal repugnance of uterine brothers, the Caesarean section, posthumity with respect to the father and, that rarer form, with respect to the mother, the fratricidal case known as the Childs Murder and rendered memorable by the impassioned plea of Mr Advocate Bushe which secured the acquittal of the wrongfully accused, the rights of primogeniture and king's bounty touching twins and triplets, miscarriages and infanticides, simulated or dissimulated, the acardiac foetus in foetu and aprosopia due to a congestion, the agnathia of certain chinless Chinamen (cited by Mr Candidate Mulligan) in consequence of defective reunion of the maxillary knobs along the medial line so that (as he said) one ear could hear what the other spoke, the benefits of anesthesia or twilight sleep, the prolongation of labour pains in advanced gravidancy by reason of pressure on the vein, the premature relentment of the amniotic fluid (as exemplified in the actual case) with consequent peril of sepsis to the matrix, artificial insemination by means of syringes, involution of the womb consequent upon the menopause, the problem of the perpetration of the species in the case of females impregnated by delinquent rape, that distressing manner of delivery called by the Brandenburghers Sturzgeburt, the recorded instances of multiseminal, twikindled and monstrous births conceived during the catamenic period or of consanguineous parents—in a word all the cases of human nativity which Aristotle has classified in his masterpiece with chromolithographic illustrations. The gravest problems of obstetrics and forensic medicine were examined with as much animation as the most popular beliefs on the state of pregnancy such as the forbidding to a gravid woman to step over a countrystile lest, by her movement, the navelcord should strangle her creature and the injunction upon her in the event of a yearning, ardently and ineffectually entertained, to place her hand against that part of her person which long usage has consecrated as the seat of castigation. The abnormalities of harelip, breastmole, supernumerary digits, negro's inkle, strawberry mark and portwine stain were alleged by one as a prima facie and natural hypothetical explanation of those swineheaded (the case of Madame Grissel Steevens was not forgotten) or doghaired infants occasionally born. The hypothesis of a plasmic memory, advanced by the Caledonian envoy and worthy of the metaphysical traditions of the land he stood for, envisaged in such cases an arrest of embryonic development at some stage antecedent to the human. An outlandish delegate sustained against both these views, with such heat as almost carried conviction, the theory of copulation between women and the males of brutes, his authority being his own avouchment in support of fables such as that of the Minotaur which the genius of the elegant Latin poet has handed down to us in the pages of his Metamorphoses. The impression made by his words was immediate but shortlived. It was effaced as easily as it had been evoked by an allocution from Mr Candidate Mulligan in that vein of pleasantry which none better than he knew how to affect, postulating as the supremest object of desire a nice clean old man. Contemporaneously, a heated argument having arisen between Mr Delegate Madden and Mr Candidate Lynch regarding the juridical and theological dilemma created in the event of one Siamese twin predeceasing the other, the difficulty by mutual consent was referred to Mr Canvasser Bloom for instant submittal to Mr Coadjutor Deacon Dedalus. Hitherto silent, whether the better to show by preternatural gravity that curious dignity of the garb with which he was invested or in obedience to an inward voice, he delivered briefly and, as some thought, perfunctorily the ecclesiastical ordinance forbidding man to put asunder what God has joined. But Malachias' tale began to freeze them with horror. He conjured up the scene before them. The secret panel beside the chimney slid back and in the recess appeared... Haines! Which of us did not feel his flesh creep! He had a portfolio full of Celtic literature in one hand, in the other a phial marked Poison. Surprise, horror, loathing were depicted on all faces while he eyed them with a ghostly grin. I anticipated some such reception, he began with an eldritch laugh, for which, it seems, history is to blame. Yes, it is true. I am the murderer of Samuel Childs. And how I am punished! The inferno has no terrors for me. This is the appearance is on me. Tare and ages, what way would I be resting at all, he muttered thickly, and I tramping Dublin this while back with my share of songs and himself after me the like of a soulth or a bullawurrus? My hell, and Ireland's, is in this life. It is what I tried to obliterate my crime. Distractions, rookshooting, the Erse language (he recited some), laudanum (he raised the phial to his lips), camping out. In vain! His spectre stalks me. Dope is my only hope... Ah! Destruction! The black panther! With a cry he suddenly vanished and the panel slid back. An instant later his head appeared in the door opposite and said: Meet me at Westland Row station at ten past eleven. He was gone. Tears gushed from the eyes of the dissipated host. The seer raised his hand to heaven, murmuring: The vendetta of Mananaun! The sage repeated: Lex talionis . The sentimentalist is he who would enjoy without incurring the immense debtorship for a thing done. Malachias, overcome by emotion, ceased. The mystery was unveiled. Haines was the third brother. His real name was Childs. The black panther was himself the ghost of his own father. He drank drugs to obliterate. For this relief much thanks. The lonely house by the graveyard is uninhabited. No soul will live there. The spider pitches her web in the solitude. The nocturnal rat peers from his hole. A curse is on it. It is haunted. Murderer's ground. What is the age of the soul of man? As she hath the virtue of the chameleon to change her hue at every new approach, to be gay with the merry and mournful with the downcast, so too is her age changeable as her mood. No longer is Leopold, as he sits there, ruminating, chewing the cud of reminiscence, that staid agent of publicity and holder of a modest substance in the funds. A score of years are blown away. He is young Leopold. There, as in a retrospective arrangement, a mirror within a mirror (hey, presto!), he beholdeth himself. That young figure of then is seen, precociously manly, walking on a nipping morning from the old house in Clanbrassil street to the high school, his booksatchel on him bandolierwise, and in it a goodly hunk of wheaten loaf, a mother's thought. Or it is the same figure, a year or so gone over, in his first hard hat (ah, that was a day!), already on the road, a fullfledged traveller for the family firm, equipped with an orderbook, a scented handkerchief (not for show only), his case of bright trinketware (alas! a thing now of the past!) and a quiverful of compliant smiles for this or that halfwon housewife reckoning it out upon her fingertips or for a budding virgin, shyly acknowledging (but the heart? tell me!) his studied baisemoins. The scent, the smile, but, more than these, the dark eyes and oleaginous address, brought home at duskfall many a commission to the head of the firm, seated with Jacob's pipe after like labours in the paternal ingle (a meal of noodles, you may be sure, is aheating), reading through round horned spectacles some paper from the Europe of a month before. But hey, presto, the mirror is breathed on and the young knighterrant recedes, shrivels, dwindles to a tiny speck within the mist. Now he is himself paternal and these about him might be his sons. Who can say? The wise father knows his own child. He thinks of a drizzling night in Hatch street, hard by the bonded stores there, the first. Together (she is a poor waif, a child of shame, yours and mine and of all for a bare shilling and her luckpenny), together they hear the heavy tread of the watch as two raincaped shadows pass the new royal university. Bridie! Bridie Kelly! He will never forget the name, ever remember the night: first night, the bridenight. They are entwined in nethermost darkness, the willer with the willed, and in an instant ( fiat !) light shall flood the world. Did heart leap to heart? Nay, fair reader. In a breath 'twas done but—hold! Back! It must not be! In terror the poor girl flees away through the murk. She is the bride of darkness, a daughter of night. She dare not bear the sunnygolden babe of day. No, Leopold. Name and memory solace thee not. That youthful illusion of thy strength was taken from thee—and in vain. No son of thy loins is by thee. There is none now to be for Leopold, what Leopold was for Rudolph. The voices blend and fuse in clouded silence: silence that is the infinite of space: and swiftly, silently the soul is wafted over regions of cycles of generations that have lived. A region where grey twilight ever descends, never falls on wide sagegreen pasturefields, shedding her dusk, scattering a perennial dew of stars. She follows her mother with ungainly steps, a mare leading her fillyfoal. Twilight phantoms are they, yet moulded in prophetic grace of structure, slim shapely haunches, a supple tendonous neck, the meek apprehensive skull. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone. Agendath is a waste land, a home of screechowls and the sandblind upupa. Netaim, the golden, is no more. And on the highway of the clouds they come, muttering thunder of rebellion, the ghosts of beasts. Huuh! Hark! Huuh! Parallax stalks behind and goads them, the lancinating lightnings of whose brow are scorpions. Elk and yak, the bulls of Bashan and of Babylon, mammoth and mastodon, they come trooping to the sunken sea, Lacus Mortis . Ominous revengeful zodiacal host! They moan, passing upon the clouds, horned and capricorned, the trumpeted with the tusked, the lionmaned, the giantantlered, snouter and crawler, rodent, ruminant and pachyderm, all their moving moaning multitude, murderers of the sun. Onward to the dead sea they tramp to drink, unslaked and with horrible gulpings, the salt somnolent inexhaustible flood. And the equine portent grows again, magnified in the deserted heavens, nay to heaven's own magnitude, till it looms, vast, over the house of Virgo. And lo, wonder of metempsychosis, it is she, the everlasting bride, harbinger of the daystar, the bride, ever virgin. It is she, Martha, thou lost one, Millicent, the young, the dear, the radiant. How serene does she now arise, a queen among the Pleiades, in the penultimate antelucan hour, shod in sandals of bright gold, coifed with a veil of what do you call it gossamer. It floats, it flows about her starborn flesh and loose it streams, emerald, sapphire, mauve and heliotrope, sustained on currents of the cold interstellar wind, winding, coiling, simply swirling, writhing in the skies a mysterious writing till, after a myriad metamorphoses of symbol, it blazes, Alpha, a ruby and triangled sign upon the forehead of Taurus. Francis was reminding Stephen of years before when they had been at school together in Conmee's time. He asked about Glaucon, Alcibiades, Pisistratus. Where were they now? Neither knew. You have spoken of the past and its phantoms, Stephen said. Why think of them? If I call them into life across the waters of Lethe will not the poor ghosts troop to my call? Who supposes it? I, Bous Stephanoumenos, bullockbefriending bard, am lord and giver of their life. He encircled his gadding hair with a coronal of vineleaves, smiling at Vincent. That answer and those leaves, Vincent said to him, will adorn you more fitly when something more, and greatly more, than a capful of light odes can call your genius father. All who wish you well hope this for you. All desire to see you bring forth the work you meditate, to acclaim you Stephaneforos. I heartily wish you may not fail them. O no, Vincent Lenehan said, laying a hand on the shoulder near him. Have no fear. He could not leave his mother an orphan. The young man's face grew dark. All could see how hard it was for him to be reminded of his promise and of his recent loss. He would have withdrawn from the feast had not the noise of voices allayed the smart. Madden had lost five drachmas on Sceptre for a whim of the rider's name: Lenehan as much more. He told them of the race. The flag fell and, huuh! off, scamper, the mare ran out freshly with 0. Madden up. She was leading the field. All hearts were beating. Even Phyllis could not contain herself. She waved her scarf and cried: Huzzah! Sceptre wins! But in the straight on the run home when all were in close order the dark horse Throwaway drew level, reached, outstripped her. All was lost now. Phyllis was silent: her eyes were sad anemones. Juno, she cried, I am undone. But her lover consoled her and brought her a bright casket of gold in which lay some oval sugarplums which she partook. A tear fell: one only. A whacking fine whip, said Lenehan, is W. Lane. Four winners yesterday and three today. What rider is like him? Mount him on the camel or the boisterous buffalo the victory in a hack canter is still his. But let us bear it as was the ancient wont. Mercy on the luckless! Poor Sceptre! he said with a light sigh. She is not the filly that she was. Never, by this hand, shall we behold such another. By gad, sir, a queen of them. Do you remember her, Vincent? I wish you could have seen my queen today, Vincent said. How young she was and radiant (Lalage were scarce fair beside her) in her yellow shoes and frock of muslin, I do not know the right name of it. The chestnuts that shaded us were in bloom: the air drooped with their persuasive odour and with pollen floating by us. In the sunny patches one might easily have cooked on a stone a batch of those buns with Corinth fruit in them that Periplipomenes sells in his booth near the bridge. But she had nought for her teeth but the arm with which I held her and in that she nibbled mischievously when I pressed too close. A week ago she lay ill, four days on the couch, but today she was free, blithe, mocked at peril. She is more taking then. Her posies tool Mad romp that she is, she had pulled her fill as we reclined together. And in your ear, my friend, you will not think who met us as we left the field. Conmee himself! He was walking by the hedge, reading, I think a brevier book with, I doubt not, a witty letter in it from Glycera or Chloe to keep the page. The sweet creature turned all colours in her confusion, feigning to reprove a slight disorder in her dress: a slip of underwood clung there for the very trees adore her. When Conmee had passed she glanced at her lovely echo in that little mirror she carries. But he had been kind. In going by he had blessed us. The gods too are ever kind, Lenehan said. If I had poor luck with Bass's mare perhaps this draught of his may serve me more propensely. He was laying his hand upon a winejar: Malachi saw it and withheld his act, pointing to the stranger and to the scarlet label. Warily, Malachi whispered, preserve a druid silence. His soul is far away. It is as painful perhaps to be awakened from a vision as to be born. Any object, intensely regarded, may be a gate of access to the incorruptible eon of the gods. Do you not think it, Stephen? Theosophos told me so, Stephen answered, whom in a previous existence Egyptian priests initiated into the mysteries of karmic law. The lords of the moon, Theosophos told me, an orangefiery shipload from planet Alpha of the lunar chain would not assume the etheric doubles and these were therefore incarnated by the rubycoloured egos from the second constellation. However, as a matter of fact though, the preposterous surmise about him being in some description of a doldrums or other or mesmerised which was entirely due to a misconception of the shallowest character, was not the case at all. The individual whose visual organs while the above was going on were at this juncture commencing to exhibit symptoms of animation was as astute if not astuter than any man living and anybody that conjectured the contrary would have found themselves pretty speedily in the wrong shop. During the past four minutes or thereabouts he had been staring hard at a certain amount of number one Bass bottled by Messrs Bass and Co at Burton-on-Trent which happened to be situated amongst a lot of others right opposite to where he was and which was certainly calculated to attract anyone's remark on account of its scarlet appearance. He was simply and solely, as it subsequently transpired for reasons best known to himself, which put quite an altogether different complexion on the proceedings, after the moment before's observations about boyhood days and the turf, recollecting two or three private transactions of his own which the other two were as mutually innocent of as the babe unborn. Eventually, however, both their eyes met and as soon as it began to dawn on him that the other was endeavouring to help himself to the thing he involuntarily determined to help him himself and so he accordingly took hold of the neck of the mediumsized glass recipient which contained the fluid sought after and made a capacious hole in it by pouring a lot of it out with, also at the same time, however, a considerable degree of attentiveness in order not to upset any of the beer that was in it about the place. The debate which ensued was in its scope and progress an epitome of the course of life. Neither place nor council was lacking in dignity. The debaters were the keenest in the land, the theme they were engaged on the loftiest and most vital. The high hall of Horne's house had never beheld an assembly so representative and so varied nor had the old rafters of that establishment ever listened to a language so encyclopaedic. A gallant scene in truth it made. Crotthers was there at the foot of the table in his striking Highland garb, his face glowing from the briny airs of the Mull of Galloway. There too, opposite to him, was Lynch whose countenance bore already the stigmata of early depravity and premature wisdom. Next the Scotchman was the place assigned to Costello, the eccentric, while at his side was seated in stolid repose the squat form of Madden. The chair of the resident indeed stood vacant before the hearth but on either flank of it the figure of Bannon in explorer's kit of tweed shorts and salted cowhide brogues contrasted sharply with the primrose elegance and townbred manners of Malachi Roland St John Mulligan. Lastly at the head of the board was the young poet who found a refuge from his labours of pedagogy and metaphysical inquisition in the convivial atmosphere of Socratic discussion, while to right and left of him were accommodated the flippant prognosticator, fresh from the hippodrome, and that vigilant wanderer, soiled by the dust of travel and combat and stained by the mire of an indelible dishonour, but from whose steadfast and constant heart no lure or peril or threat or degradation could ever efface the image of that voluptuous loveliness which the inspired pencil of Lafayette has limned for ages yet to come. It had better be stated here and now at the outset that the perverted transcendentalism to which Mr S. Dedalus' (Div. Scep.) contentions would appear to prove him pretty badly addicted runs directly counter to accepted scientific methods. Science, it cannot be too often repeated, deals with tangible phenomena. The man of science like the man in the street has to face hardheaded facts that cannot be blinked and explain them as best he can. There may be, it is true, some questions which science cannot answer—at present—such as the first problem submitted by Mr L. Bloom (Pubb. Canv.) regarding the future determination of sex. Must we accept the view of Empedocles of Trinacria that the right ovary (the postmenstrual period, assert others) is responsible for the birth of males or are the too long neglected spermatozoa or nemasperms the differentiating factors or is it, as most embryologists incline to opine, such as Culpepper, Spallanzani, Blumenbach, Lusk, Hertwig, Leopold and Valenti, a mixture of both? This would be tantamount to a cooperation (one of nature's favourite devices) between the nisus formativus of the nemasperm on the one hand and on the other a happily chosen position, succubitus felix of the passive element. The other problem raised by the same inquirer is scarcely less vital: infant mortality. It is interesting because, as he pertinently remarks, we are all born in the same way but we all die in different ways. Mr M. Mulligan (Hyg. et Eug. Doc.) blames the sanitary conditions in which our greylunged citizens contract adenoids, pulmonary complaints etc. by inhaling the bacteria which lurk in dust. These factors, he alleged, and the revolting spectacles offered by our streets, hideous publicity posters, religious ministers of all denominations, mutilated soldiers and sailors, exposed scorbutic cardrivers, the suspended carcases of dead animals, paranoic bachelors and unfructified duennas—these, he said, were accountable for any and every fallingoff in the calibre of the race. Kalipedia, he prophesied, would soon be generally adopted and all the graces of life, genuinely good music, agreeable literature, light philosophy, instructive pictures, plastercast reproductions of the classical statues such as Venus and Apollo, artistic coloured photographs of prize babies, all these little attentions would enable ladies who were in a particular condition to pass the intervening months in a most enjoyable manner. Mr J. Crotthers (Disc. Bacc.) attributes some of these demises to abdominal trauma in the case of women workers subjected to heavy labours in the workshop and to marital discipline in the home but by far the vast majority to neglect, private or official, culminating in the exposure of newborn infants, the practice of criminal abortion or in the atrocious crime of infanticide. Although the former (we are thinking of neglect) is undoubtedly only too true the case he cites of nurses forgetting to count the sponges in the peritoneal cavity is too rare to be normative. In fact when one comes to look into it the wonder is that so many pregnancies and deliveries go off so well as they do, all things considered and in spite of our human shortcomings which often baulk nature in her intentions. An ingenious suggestion is that thrown out by Mr V. Lynch (Bacc. Arith.) that both natality and mortality, as well as all other phenomena of evolution, tidal movements, lunar phases, blood temperatures, diseases in general, everything, in fine, in nature's vast workshop from the extinction of some remote sun to the blossoming of one of the countless flowers which beautify our public parks is subject to a law of numeration as yet unascertained. Still the plain straightforward question why a child of normally healthy parents and seemingly a healthy child and properly looked after succumbs unaccountably in early childhood (though other children of the same marriage do not) must certainly, in the poet's words, give us pause. Nature, we may rest assured, has her own good and cogent reasons for whatever she does and in all probability such deaths are due to some law of anticipation by which organisms in which morbous germs have taken up their residence (modern science has conclusively shown that only the plasmic substance can be said to be immortal) tend to disappear at an increasingly earlier stage of development, an arrangement which, though productive of pain to some of our feelings (notably the maternal), is nevertheless, some of us think, in the long run beneficial to the race in general in securing thereby the survival of the fittest. Mr S. Dedalus' (Div. Scep.) remark (or should it be called an interruption?) that an omnivorous being which can masticate, deglute, digest and apparently pass through the ordinary channel with pluterperfect imperturbability such multifarious aliments as cancrenous females emaciated by parturition, corpulent professional gentlemen, not to speak of jaundiced politicians and chlorotic nuns, might possibly find gastric relief in an innocent collation of staggering bob, reveals as nought else could and in a very unsavoury light the tendency above alluded to. For the enlightenment of those who are not so intimately acquainted with the minutiae of the municipal abattoir as this morbidminded esthete and embryo philosopher who for all his overweening bumptiousness in things scientific can scarcely distinguish an acid from an alkali prides himself on being, it should perhaps be stated that staggering bob in the vile parlance of our lowerclass licensed victuallers signifies the cookable and eatable flesh of a calf newly dropped from its mother. In a recent public controversy with Mr L. Bloom (Pubb. Canv.) which took place in the commons' hall of the National Maternity Hospital, 29, 30 and 31 Holles street, of which, as is well known, Dr A. Horne (Lic. in Midw., F. K. Q. C. P. I.) is the able and popular master, he is reported by eyewitnesses as having stated that once a woman has let the cat into the bag (an esthete's allusion, presumably, to one of the most complicated and marvellous of all nature's processes—the act of sexual congress) she must let it out again or give it life, as he phrased it, to save her own. At the risk of her own, was the telling rejoinder of his interlocutor, none the less effective for the moderate and measured tone in which it was delivered. Meanwhile the skill and patience of the physician had brought about a happy accouchement. It had been a weary weary while both for patient and doctor. All that surgical skill could do was done and the brave woman had manfully helped. She had. She had fought the good fight and now she was very very happy. Those who have passed on, who have gone before, are happy too as they gaze down and smile upon the touching scene. Reverently look at her as she reclines there with the motherlight in her eyes, that longing hunger for baby fingers (a pretty sight it is to see), in the first bloom of her new motherhood, breathing a silent prayer of thanksgiving to One above, the Universal Husband. And as her loving eyes behold her babe she wishes only one blessing more, to have her dear Doady there with her to share her joy, to lay in his arms that mite of God's clay, the fruit of their lawful embraces. He is older now (you and I may whisper it) and a trifle stooped in the shoulders yet in the whirligig of years a grave dignity has come to the conscientious second accountant of the Ulster bank, College Green branch. O Doady, loved one of old, faithful lifemate now, it may never be again, that faroff time of the roses! With the old shake of her pretty head she recalls those days. God! How beautiful now across the mist of years! But their children are grouped in her imagination about the bedside, hers and his, Charley, Mary Alice, Frederick Albert (if he had lived), Mamy, Budgy (Victoria Frances), Tom, Violet Constance Louisa, darling little Bobsy (called after our famous hero of the South African war, lord Bobs of Waterford and Candahar) and now this last pledge of their union, a Purefoy if ever there was one, with the true Purefoy nose. Young hopeful will be christened Mortimer Edward after the influential third cousin of Mr Purefoy in the Treasury Remembrancer's office, Dublin Castle. And so time wags on: but father Cronion has dealt lightly here. No, let no sigh break from that bosom, dear gentle Mina. And Doady, knock the ashes from your pipe, the seasoned briar you still fancy when the curfew rings for you (may it be the distant day!) and dout the light whereby you read in the Sacred Book for the oil too has run low, and so with a tranquil heart to bed, to rest. He knows and will call in His own good time. You too have fought the good fight and played loyally your man's part. Sir, to you my hand. Well done, thou good and faithful servant! There are sins or (let us call them as the world calls them) evil memories which are hidden away by man in the darkest places of the heart but they abide there and wait. He may suffer their memory to grow dim, let them be as though they had not been and all but persuade himself that they were not or at least were otherwise. Yet a chance word will call them forth suddenly and they will rise up to confront him in the most various circumstances, a vision or a dream, or while timbrel and harp soothe his senses or amid the cool silver tranquility of the evening or at the feast, at midnight, when he is now filled with wine. Not to insult over him will the vision come as over one that lies under her wrath, not for vengeance to cut him off from the living but shrouded in the piteous vesture of the past, silent, remote, reproachful. The stranger still regarded on the face before him a slow recession of that false calm there, imposed, as it seemed, by habit or some studied trick, upon words so embittered as to accuse in their speaker an unhealthiness, a flair, for the cruder things of life. A scene disengages itself in the observer's memory, evoked, it would seem, by a word of so natural a homeliness as if those days were really present there (as some thought) with their immediate pleasures. A shaven space of lawn one soft May evening, the wellremembered grove of lilacs at Roundtown, purple and white, fragrant slender spectators of the game but with much real interest in the pellets as they run slowly forward over the sward or collide and stop, one by its fellow, with a brief alert shock. And yonder about that grey urn where the water moves at times in thoughtful irrigation you saw another as fragrant sisterhood, Floey, Atty, Tiny and their darker friend with I know not what of arresting in her pose then, Our Lady of the Cherries, a comely brace of them pendent from an ear, bringing out the foreign warmth of the skin so daintily against the cool ardent fruit. A lad of four or five in linseywoolsey (blossomtime but there will be cheer in the kindly hearth when ere long the bowls are gathered and hutched) is standing on the urn secured by that circle of girlish fond hands. He frowns a little just as this young man does now with a perhaps too conscious enjoyment of the danger but must needs glance at whiles towards where his mother watches from the PIAZZETTA giving upon the flowerclose with a faint shadow of remoteness or of reproach ( alles Vergangliche ) in her glad look. Mark this farther and remember. The end comes suddenly. Enter that antechamber of birth where the studious are assembled and note their faces. Nothing, as it seems, there of rash or violent. Quietude of custody, rather, befitting their station in that house, the vigilant watch of shepherds and of angels about a crib in Bethlehem of Juda long ago. But as before the lightning the serried stormclouds, heavy with preponderant excess of moisture, in swollen masses turgidly distended, compass earth and sky in one vast slumber, impending above parched field and drowsy oxen and blighted growth of shrub and verdure till in an instant a flash rives their centres and with the reverberation of the thunder the cloudburst pours its torrent, so and not otherwise was the transformation, violent and instantaneous, upon the utterance of the word. Burke's! outflings my lord Stephen, giving the cry, and a tag and bobtail of all them after, cockerel, jackanapes, welsher, pilldoctor, punctual Bloom at heels with a universal grabbing at headgear, ashplants, bilbos, Panama hats and scabbards, Zermatt alpenstocks and what not. A dedale of lusty youth, noble every student there. Nurse Callan taken aback in the hallway cannot stay them nor smiling surgeon coming downstairs with news of placentation ended, a full pound if a milligramme. They hark him on. The door! It is open? Ha! They are out, tumultuously, off for a minute's race, all bravely legging it, Burke's of Denzille and Holles their ulterior goal. Dixon follows giving them sharp language but raps out an oath, he too, and on. Bloom stays with nurse a thought to send a kind word to happy mother and nurseling up there. Doctor Diet and Doctor Quiet. Looks she too not other now? Ward of watching in Horne's house has told its tale in that washedout pallor. Then all being gone, a glance of motherwit helping, he whispers close in going: Madam, when comes the storkbird for thee? The air without is impregnated with raindew moisture, life essence celestial, glistening on Dublin stone there under starshiny coelum. God's air, the Allfather's air, scintillant circumambient cessile air. Breathe it deep into thee. By heaven, Theodore Purefoy, thou hast done a doughty deed and no botch! Thou art, I vow, the remarkablest progenitor barring none in this chaffering allincluding most farraginous chronicle. Astounding! In her lay a Godframed Godgiven preformed possibility which thou hast fructified with thy modicum of man's work. Cleave to her! Serve! Toil on, labour like a very bandog and let scholarment and all Malthusiasts go hang. Thou art all their daddies, Theodore. Art drooping under thy load, bemoiled with butcher's bills at home and ingots (not thine!) in the countinghouse? Head up! For every newbegotten thou shalt gather thy homer of ripe wheat. See, thy fleece is drenched. Dost envy Darby Dullman there with his Joan? A canting jay and a rheumeyed curdog is all their progeny. Pshaw, I tell thee! He is a mule, a dead gasteropod, without vim or stamina, not worth a cracked kreutzer. Copulation without population! No, say I! Herod's slaughter of the innocents were the truer name. Vegetables, forsooth, and sterile cohabitation! Give her beefsteaks, red, raw, bleeding! She is a hoary pandemonium of ills, enlarged glands, mumps, quinsy, bunions, hayfever, bedsores, ringworm, floating kidney, Derbyshire neck, warts, bilious attacks, gallstones, cold feet, varicose veins. A truce to threnes and trentals and jeremies and all such congenital defunctive music! Twenty years of it, regret them not. With thee it was not as with many that will and would and wait and never—do. Thou sawest thy America, thy lifetask, and didst charge to cover like the transpontine bison. How saith Zarathustra? Deine Kuh Trübsal melkest Du. Nun Trinkst Du die süsse Milch des Euters . See! it displodes for thee in abundance. Drink, man, an udderful! Mother's milk, Purefoy, the milk of human kin, milk too of those burgeoning stars overhead rutilant in thin rainvapour, punch milk, such as those rioters will quaff in their guzzling den, milk of madness, the honeymilk of Canaan's land. Thy cow's dug was tough, what? Ay, but her milk is hot and sweet and fattening. No dollop this but thick rich bonnyclaber. To her, old patriarch! Pap! Per deam Partulam et Pertundam nunc est bibendum ! All off for a buster, armstrong, hollering down the street. Bonafides. Where you slep las nigh? Timothy of the battered naggin. Like ole Billyo. Any brollies or gumboots in the fambly? Where the Henry Nevil's sawbones and ole clo? Sorra one o' me knows. Hurrah there, Dix! Forward to the ribbon counter. Where's Punch? All serene. Jay, look at the drunken minister coming out of the maternity hospal! Benedicat vos omnipotens Deus, Pater et Filius . A make, mister. The Denzille lane boys. Hell, blast ye! Scoot. Righto, Isaacs, shove em out of the bleeding limelight. Yous join uz, dear sir? No hentrusion in life. Lou heap good man. Allee samee dis bunch. En avant, mes enfants ! Fire away number one on the gun. Burke's! Burke's! Thence they advanced five parasangs. Slattery's mounted foot. Where's that bleeding awfur? Parson Steve, apostates' creed! No, no, Mulligan! Abaft there! Shove ahead. Keep a watch on the clock. Chuckingout time. Mullee! What's on you? Ma mère m'a mariée. British Beatitudes! Retamplatan Digidi Boumboum . Ayes have it. To be printed and bound at the Druiddrum press by two designing females. Calf covers of pissedon green. Last word in art shades. Most beautiful book come out of Ireland my time. Silentium! Get a spurt on. Tention. Proceed to nearest canteen and there annex liquor stores. March! Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are (atitudes!) parching. Beer, beef, business, bibles, bulldogs battleships, buggery and bishops. Whether on the scaffold high. Beer, beef, trample the bibles. When for Irelandear. Trample the trampellers. Thunderation! Keep the durned millingtary step. We fall. Bishops boosebox. Halt! Heave to. Rugger. Scrum in. No touch kicking. Wow, my tootsies! You hurt? Most amazingly sorry! Query. Who's astanding this here do? Proud possessor of damnall. Declare misery. Bet to the ropes. Me nantee saltee. Not a red at me this week gone. Yours? Mead of our fathers for the Übermensch. Dittoh. Five number ones. You, sir? Ginger cordial. Chase me, the cabby's caudle. Stimulate the caloric. Winding of his ticker. Stopped short never to go again when the old. Absinthe for me, savvy? Caramba! Have an eggnog or a prairie oyster. Enemy? Avuncular's got my timepiece. Ten to. Obligated awful. Don't mention it. Got a pectoral trauma, eh, Dix? Pos fact. Got bet be a boomblebee whenever he wus settin sleepin in hes bit garten. Digs up near the Mater. Buckled he is. Know his dona? Yup, sartin I do. Full of a dure. See her in her dishybilly. Peels off a credit. Lovey lovekin. None of your lean kine, not much. Pull down the blind, love. Two Ardilauns. Same here. Look slippery. If you fall don't wait to get up. Five, seven, nine. Fine! Got a prime pair of mincepies, no kid. And her take me to rests and her anker of rum. Must be seen to be believed. Your starving eyes and allbeplastered neck you stole my heart, O gluepot. Sir? Spud again the rheumatiz? All poppycock, you'll scuse me saying. For the hoi polloi. I vear thee beest a gert vool. Well, doc? Back fro Lapland? Your corporosity sagaciating O K? How's the squaws and papooses? Womanbody after going on the straw? Stand and deliver. Password. There's hair. Ours the white death and the ruddy birth. Hi! Spit in your own eye, boss! Mummer's wire. Cribbed out of Meredith. Jesified, orchidised, polycimical jesuit! Aunty mine's writing Pa Kinch. Baddybad Stephen lead astray goodygood Malachi. Hurroo! Collar the leather, youngun. Roun wi the nappy. Here, Jock braw Hielentman's your barleybree. Lang may your lum reek and your kailpot boil! My tipple. Merci. Here's to us. How's that? Leg before wicket. Don't stain my brandnew sitinems. Give's a shake of peppe, you there. Catch aholt. Caraway seed to carry away. Twig? Shrieks of silence. Every cove to his gentry mort. Venus Pandemos. Les petites femmes . Bold bad girl from the town of Mullingar. Tell her I was axing at her. Hauding Sara by the wame. On the road to Malahide. Me? If she who seduced me had left but the name. What do you want for ninepence? Machree, macruiskeen. Smutty Moll for a mattress jig. And a pull all together. Ex! Waiting, guvnor? Most deciduously. Bet your boots on. Stunned like, seeing as how no shiners is acoming. Underconstumble? He've got the chink ad lib . Seed near free poun on un a spell ago a said war hisn. Us come right in on your invite, see? Up to you, matey. Out with the oof. Two bar and a wing. You larn that go off of they there Frenchy bilks? Won't wash here for nuts nohow. Lil chile velly solly. Ise de cutest colour coon down our side. Gawds teruth, Chawley. We are nae fou. We're nae tha fou. Au reservoir, mossoo. Tanks you. 'Tis, sure. What say? In the speakeasy. Tight. I shee you, shir. Bantam, two days teetee. Bowsing nowt but claretwine. Garn! Have a glint, do. Gum, I'm jiggered. And been to barber he have. Too full for words. With a railway bloke. How come you so? Opera he'd like? Rose of Castile. Rows of cast. Police! Some H2O for a gent fainted. Look at Bantam's flowers. Gemini. He's going to holler. The colleen bawn. My colleen bawn. O, cheese it! Shut his blurry Dutch oven with a firm hand. Had the winner today till I tipped him a dead cert. The ruffin cly the nab of Stephen Hand as give me the jady coppaleen. He strike a telegramboy paddock wire big bug Bass to the depot. Shove him a joey and grahamise. Mare on form hot order. Guinea to a goosegog. Tell a cram, that. Gospeltrue. Criminal diversion? I think that yes. Sure thing. Land him in chokeechokee if the harman beck copped the game. Madden back Madden's a maddening back. O lust our refuge and our strength. Decamping. Must you go? Off to mammy. Stand by. Hide my blushes someone. All in if he spots me. Come ahome, our Bantam. Horryvar, mong vioo. Dinna forget the cowslips for hersel. Cornfide. Wha gev ye thon colt? Pal to pal. Jannock. Of John Thomas, her spouse. No fake, old man Leo. S'elp me, honest injun. Shiver my timbers if I had. There's a great big holy friar. Vyfor you no me tell? Vel, I ses, if that aint a sheeny nachez, vel, I vil get misha mishinnah. Through yerd our lord, Amen. You move a motion? Steve boy, you're going it some. More bluggy drunkables? Will immensely splendiferous stander permit one stooder of most extreme poverty and one largesize grandacious thirst to terminate one expensive inaugurated libation? Give's a breather. Landlord, landlord, have you good wine, staboo? Hoots, mon, a wee drap to pree. Cut and come again. Right. Boniface! Absinthe the lot. Nos omnes biberimus viridum toxicum diabolus capiat posterioria nostria . Closingtime, gents. Eh? Rome boose for the Bloom toff. I hear you say onions? Bloo? Cadges ads. Photo's papli, by all that's gorgeous. Play low, pardner. Slide. Bonsoir la compagnie . And snares of the poxfiend. Where's the buck and Namby Amby? Skunked? Leg bail. Aweel, ye maun e'en gang yer gates. Checkmate. King to tower. Kind Kristyann wil yu help yung man hoose frend tuk bungellow kee tu find plais whear tu lay crown of his hed 2 night. Crickey, I'm about sprung. Tarnally dog gone my shins if this beent the bestest puttiest longbreak yet. Item, curate, couple of cookies for this child. Cot's plood and prandypalls, none! Not a pite of sheeses? Thrust syphilis down to hell and with him those other licensed spirits. Time, gents! Who wander through the world. Health all! a la vôtre ! Golly, whatten tunket's yon guy in the mackintosh? Dusty Rhodes. Peep at his wearables. By mighty! What's he got? Jubilee mutton. Bovril, by James. Wants it real bad. D'ye ken bare socks? Seedy cuss in the Richmond? Rawthere! Thought he had a deposit of lead in his penis. Trumpery insanity. Bartle the Bread we calls him. That, sir, was once a prosperous cit. Man all tattered and torn that married a maiden all forlorn. Slung her hook, she did. Here see lost love. Walking Mackintosh of lonely canyon. Tuck and turn in. Schedule time. Nix for the hornies. Pardon? Seen him today at a runefal? Chum o' yourn passed in his checks? Ludamassy! Pore piccaninnies! Thou'll no be telling me thot, Pold veg! Did ums blubble bigsplash crytears cos fren Padney was took off in black bag? Of all de darkies Massa Pat was verra best. I never see the like since I was born. Tiens, tiens , but it is well sad, that, my faith, yes. O, get, rev on a gradient one in nine. Live axle drives are souped. Lay you two to one Jenatzy licks him ruddy well hollow. Jappies? High angle fire, inyah! Sunk by war specials. Be worse for him, says he, nor any Rooshian. Time all. There's eleven of them. Get ye gone. Forward, woozy wobblers! Night. Night. May Allah the Excellent One your soul this night ever tremendously conserve. Your attention! We're nae tha fou. The Leith police dismisseth us. The least tholice. Ware hawks for the chap puking. Unwell in his abominable regions. Yooka. Night. Mona, my true love. Yook. Mona, my own love. Ook. Hark! Shut your obstropolos. Pflaap! Pflaap! Blaze on. There she goes. Brigade! Bout ship. Mount street way. Cut up! Pflaap! Tally ho. You not come? Run, skelter, race. Pflaaaap! Lynch! Hey? Sign on long o' me. Denzille lane this way. Change here for Bawdyhouse. We two, she said, will seek the kips where shady Mary is. Righto, any old time. Laetabuntur in cubilibus suis . You coming long? Whisper, who the sooty hell's the johnny in the black duds? Hush! Sinned against the light and even now that day is at hand when he shall come to judge the world by fire. Pflaap! Ut implerentur scripturae . Strike up a ballad. Then outspake medical Dick to his comrade medical Davy. Christicle, who's this excrement yellow gospeller on the Merrion hall? Elijah is coming! Washed in the blood of the Lamb. Come on you winefizzling, ginsizzling, booseguzzling existences! Come on, you dog-gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed fourflushers, false alarms and excess baggage! Come on, you triple extract of infamy! Alexander J Christ Dowie, that's my name, that's yanked to glory most half this planet from Frisco beach to Vladivostok. The Deity aint no nickel dime bumshow. I put it to you that He's on the square and a corking fine business proposition. He's the grandest thing yet and don't you forget it. Shout salvation in King Jesus. You'll need to rise precious early you sinner there, if you want to diddle the Almighty God. Pflaaaap! Not half. He's got a coughmixture with a punch in it for you, my friend, in his back pocket. Just you try it on. The Mabbot street entrance of nighttown, before which stretches an uncobbled tramsiding set with skeleton tracks, red and green will-o'-the-wisps and danger signals. Rows of grimy houses with gaping doors. Rare lamps with faint rainbow fins. Round Rabaiotti's halted ice gondola stunted men and women squabble. They grab wafers between which are wedged lumps of coral and copper snow. Sucking, they scatter slowly. Children. The swancomb of the gondola, highreared, forges on through the murk, white and blue under a lighthouse. Whistles call and answer. THE CALLS: Wait, my love, and I'll be with you. THE ANSWERS: Round behind the stable. (A deafmute idiot with goggle eyes, his shapeless mouth dribbling, jerks past, shaken in Saint Vitus' dance. A chain of children 's hands imprisons him.) THE CHILDREN: Kithogue! Salute! THE IDIOT: (Lifts a palsied left arm and gurgles) Grhahute! THE CHILDREN: Where's the great light? THE IDIOT: (Gobbing) Ghaghahest. (They release him. He jerks on. A pigmy woman swings on a rope slung between two railings, counting. A form sprawled against a dustbin and muffled by its arm and hat snores, groans, grinding growling teeth, and snores again. On a step a gnome totting among a rubbishtip crouches to shoulder a sack of rags and bones. A crone standing by with a smoky oillamp rams her last bottle in the maw of his sack. He heaves his booty, tugs askew his peaked cap and hobbles off mutely. The crone makes back for her lair, swaying her lamp. A bandy child, asquat on the doorstep with a paper shuttlecock, crawls sidling after her in spurts, clutches her skirt, scrambles up. A drunken navvy grips with both hands the railings of an area, lurching heavily. At a comer two night watch in shouldercapes, their hands upon their staffholsters, loom tall. A plate crashes: a woman screams: a child wails. Oaths of a man roar, mutter, cease. Figures wander, lurk, peer from warrens. In a room lit by a candle stuck in a bottleneck a slut combs out the tatts from the hair of a scrofulous child. Cissy Caffrey's voice, still young, sings shrill from a lane.) (Private Carr and Private Compton, swaggersticks tight in their oxters, as they march unsteadily rightaboutface and burst together from their mouths a volleyed fart. Laughter of men from the lane. A hoarse virago retorts.) THE VIRAGO: Signs on you, hairy arse. More power the Cavan girl. CISSY CAFFREY: More luck to me. Cavan, Cootehill and Belturbet. (She sings) (Private Carr and Private Compton turn and counterretort, their tunics bloodbright in a lampglow, black sockets of caps on their blond cropped polls. Stephen Dedalus and Lynch pass through the crowd close to the redcoats.) PRIVATE COMPTON: (Jerks his finger) Way for the parson. PRIVATE CARR: (Turns and calls) What ho, parson! CISSY CAFFREY: (Her voice soaring higher) (Stephen, flourishing the ashplant in his left hand, chants with joy the introit for paschal time. Lynch, his jockeycap low on his brow, attends him, a sneer of discontent wrinkling his face.) STEPHEN: Vidi aquam egredientem de templo a latere dextro. Alleluia . (The famished snaggletusks of an elderly bawd protrude from a doorway.) THE BAWD: (Her voice whispering huskily) Sst! Come here till I tell you. Maidenhead inside. Sst! STEPHEN: (Altius aliquantulum) Et omnes ad quos pervenit aqua ista . THE BAWD: (Spits in their trail her jet of venom) Trinity medicals. Fallopian tube. All prick and no pence. (Edy Boardman, sniffling, crouched with bertha supple, draws her shawl across her nostrils.) EDY BOARDMAN: (Bickering) And says the one: I seen you up Faithful place with your squarepusher, the greaser off the railway, in his cometobed hat. Did you, says I. That's not for you to say, says I. You never seen me in the mantrap with a married highlander, says I. The likes of her! Stag that one is! Stubborn as a mule! And her walking with two fellows the one time, Kilbride, the enginedriver, and lancecorporal Oliphant. STEPHEN: (Ttriumphaliter) Salvi facti sunt. (He flourishes his ashplant, shivering the lamp image, shattering light over the world. A liver and white spaniel on the prowl slinks after him, growling. Lynch scares it with a kick.) LYNCH: So that? STEPHEN: ( Looks behind ) So that gesture, not music not odour, would be a universal language, the gift of tongues rendering visible not the lay sense but the first entelechy, the structural rhythm. LYNCH: Pornosophical philotheology. Metaphysics in Mecklenburgh street! STEPHEN: We have shrewridden Shakespeare and henpecked Socrates. Even the allwisest Stagyrite was bitted, bridled and mounted by a light of love. LYNCH: Ba! STEPHEN: Anyway, who wants two gestures to illustrate a loaf and a jug? This movement illustrates the loaf and jug of bread or wine in Omar. Hold my stick. LYNCH: Damn your yellow stick. Where are we going? STEPHEN: Lecherous lynx, to la belle dame sans merci, Georgina Johnson, ad deam qui laetificat iuventutem meam. (Stephen thrusts the ashplant on him and slowly holds out his hands, his head going back till both hands are a span from his breast, down turned, in planes intersecting, the fingers about to part, the left being higher.) LYNCH: Which is the jug of bread? It skills not. That or the customhouse. Illustrate thou. Here take your crutch and walk. (They pass. Tommy Caffrey scrambles to a gaslamp and, clasping, climbs in spasms. From the top spur he slides down. Jacky Caffrey clasps to climb. The navvy lurches against the lamp. The twins scuttle off in the dark. The navvy, swaying, presses a forefinger against a wing of his nose and ejects from the farther nostril a long liquid jet of snot. Shouldering the lamp he staggers away through the crowd with his flaring cresset. Snakes of river fog creep slowly. From drains, clefts, cesspools, middens arise on all sides stagnant fumes. A glow leaps in the south beyond the seaward reaches of the river. The navvy, staggering forward, cleaves the crowd and lurches towards the tramsiding on the farther side under the railway bridge bloom appears, flushed, panting, cramming bread and chocolate into a sidepocket. From Gillen's hairdresser's window a composite portrait shows him gallant Nelson's image. A concave mirror at the side presents to him lovelorn longlost lugubru Booloohoom. Grave Gladstone sees him level, Bloom for Bloom. he passes, struck by the stare of truculent Wellington, but in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy. At Antonio Pabaiotti's door Bloom halts, sweated under the bright arclamp. He disappears. In a moment he reappears and hurries on.) BLOOM: Fish and taters. N. g. Ah! (He disappears into Olhausen's, the porkbutcher's, under the downcoming rollshutter. A few moments later he emerges from under the shutter, puffing Poldy, blowing Bloohoom. In each hand he holds a parcel, one containing a lukewarm pig's crubeen, the other a cold sheep's trotter, sprinkled with wholepepper. He gasps, standing upright. Then bending to one side he presses a parcel against his ribs and groans.) BLOOM: Stitch in my side. Why did I run? (He takes breath with care and goes forward slowly towards the lampset siding. The glow leaps again.) BLOOM: What is that? A flasher? Searchlight. (He stands at Cormack's corner, watching) BLOOM: Aurora borealis or a steel foundry? Ah, the brigade, of course. South side anyhow. Big blaze. Might be his house. Beggar's bush. We're safe. (He hums cheerfully) London's burning, London's burning! On fire, on fire! ( He catches sight of the navvy lurching through the crowd at the farther side of Talbot street ) I'll miss him. Run. Quick. Better cross here. (He darts to cross the road. Urchins shout.) THE URCHINS: Mind out, mister! ( Two cyclists, with lighted paper lanterns aswing, swim by him, grazing him, their bells rattling ) THE BELLS: Haltyaltyaltyall. BLOOM: (Halts erect, stung by a spasm) Ow! (He looks round, darts forward suddenly. Through rising fog a dragon sandstrewer, travelling at caution, slews heavily down upon him, its huge red headlight winking, its trolley hissing on the wire. The motorman bangs his footgong.) THE GONG: Bang Bang Bla Bak Blud Bugg Bloo. (The brake cracks violently. Bloom, raising a policeman's whitegloved hand, blunders stifflegged out of the track. The motorman, thrown forward, pugnosed, on the guidewheel, yells as he slides past over chains and keys.) THE MOTORMAN: Hey, shitbreeches, are you doing the hat trick? BLOOM: (Bloom trickleaps to the curbstone and halts again. He brushes a mudflake from his cheek with a parcelled hand.) No thoroughfare. Close shave that but cured the stitch. Must take up Sandow's exercises again. On the hands down. Insure against street accident too. The Providential. (He feels his trouser pocket) Poor mamma's panacea. Heel easily catch in track or bootlace in a cog. Day the wheel of the black Maria peeled off my shoe at Leonard's corner. Third time is the charm. Shoe trick. Insolent driver. I ought to report him. Tension makes them nervous. Might be the fellow balked me this morning with that horsey woman. Same style of beauty. Quick of him all the same. The stiff walk. True word spoken in jest. That awful cramp in Lad lane. Something poisonous I ate. Emblem of luck. Why? Probably lost cattle. Mark of the beast. (He closes his eyes an instant) Bit light in the head. Monthly or effect of the other. Brainfogfag. That tired feeling. Too much for me now. Ow! (A sinister figure leans on plaited legs against o'beirne's wall, a visage unknown, injected with dark mercury. From under a wideleaved sombrero the figure regards him with evil eye.) BLOOM: Buenas noches, señorita Blanca, que calle es esta? THE FIGURE: ( Impassive, raises a signal arm ) Password. Sraid Mabbot. BLOOM: Haha. Merci. Esperanto. Slan leath. (He mutters) Gaelic league spy, sent by that fireeater. (He steps forward. A sackshouldered ragman bars his path. He steps left, ragsackman left.) BLOOM: I beg. ( He swerves, sidles, stepaside, slips past and on .) BLOOM: Keep to the right, right, right. If there is a signpost planted by the Touring Club at Stepaside who procured that public boon? I who lost my way and contributed to the columns of the Irish Cyclist the letter headed In darkest Stepaside . Keep, keep, keep to the right. Rags and bones at midnight. A fence more likely. First place murderer makes for. Wash off his sins of the world. (Jacky Caffrey, hunted by Tommy Caffrey, runs full tilt against Bloom.) (Shocked, on weak hams, he halts. Tommy and Jacky vanish there, there. Bloom pats with parcelled hands watch fobpocket, bookpocket, pursepoket, sweets of sin, potato soap.) BLOOM: Beware of pickpockets. Old thieves' dodge. Collide. Then snatch your purse. (The retriever approaches sniffing, nose to the ground. A sprawled form sneezes. A stooped bearded figure appears garbed in the long caftan of an elder in Zion and a smokingcap with magenta tassels. Horned spectacles hang down at the wings of the nose. Yellow poison streaks are on the drawn face.) RUDOLPH: Second halfcrown waste money today. I told you not go with drunken goy ever. So you catch no money. BLOOM: (Hides the crubeen and trotter behind his back and, crestfallen, feels warm and cold feetmeat) Ja, ich weiss, papachi. RUDOLPH: What you making down this place? Have you no soul? (with feeble vulture talons he feels the silent face of Bloom) Are you not my son Leopold, the grandson of Leopold? Are you not my dear son Leopold who left the house of his father and left the god of his fathers Abraham and Jacob? BLOOM: (With precaution) I suppose so, father. Mosenthal. All that's left of him. RUDOLPH: (Severely) One night they bring you home drunk as dog after spend your good money. What you call them running chaps? BLOOM: (In youth's smart blue Oxford suit with white vestslips, narrowshouldered, in brown Alpine hat, wearing gent's sterling silver waterbury keyless watch and double curb Albert with seal attached, one side of him coated with stiffening mud) Harriers, father. Only that once. RUDOLPH: Once! Mud head to foot. Cut your hand open. Lockjaw. They make you kaputt, Leopoldleben. You watch them chaps. BLOOM: (Weakly) They challenged me to a sprint. It was muddy. I slipped. RUDOLPH: (With contempt) Goim nachez ! Nice spectacles for your poor mother! BLOOM: Mamma! ELLEN BLOOM: (In pantomime dame's stringed mobcap, widow Twankey's crinoline and bustle, blouse with muttonleg sleeves buttoned behind, grey mittens and cameo brooch, her plaited hair in a crispine net, appears over the staircase banisters, a slanted candlestick in her hand, and cries out in shrill alarm) O blessed Redeemer, what have they done to him! My smelling salts! (She hauls up a reef of skirt and ransacks the pouch of her striped blay petticoat. A phial, an Agnus Dei, a shrivelled potato and a celluloid doll fall out) Sacred Heart of Mary, where were you at all at all? (Bloom, mumbling, his eyes downcast, begins to bestow his parcels in his filled pockets but desists, muttering.) A VOICE: (Sharply) Poldy! BLOOM: Who? (He ducks and wards off a blow clumsily) At your service. (He looks up. Beside her mirage of datepalms a handsome woman in Turkish costume stands before him. Opulent curves fill out her scarlet trousers and jacket, slashed with gold. A wide yellow cummerbund girdles her. A white yashmak, violet in the night, covers her face, leaving free only her large dark eyes and raven hair.) BLOOM: Molly! MARION: Welly? Mrs Marion from this out, my dear man, when you speak to me. (Satirically) Has poor little hubby cold feet waiting so long? BLOOM: (Shifts from foot to foot) No, no. Not the least little bit. (He breathes in deep agitation, swallowing gulps of air, questions, hopes, crubeens for her supper, things to tell her, excuse, desire, spellbound. A coin gleams on her forehead. On her feet are jewelled toerings. Her ankles are linked by a slender fetterchain. Beside her a camel, hooded with a turreting turban, waits. A silk ladder of innumerable rungs climbs to his bobbing howdah. He ambles near with disgruntled hindquarters. Fiercely she slaps his haunch, her goldcurb wristbangles angriling, scolding him in Moorish.) MARION: Nebrakada! Femininum! (The camel, lifting a foreleg, plucks from a tree a large mango fruit, offers it to his mistress, blinking, in his cloven hoof, then droops his head and, grunting, with uplifted neck, fumbles to kneel. Bloom stoops his back for leapfrog.) BLOOM: I can give you... I mean as your business menagerer... Mrs Marion... if you... MARION: So you notice some change? (Her hands passing slowly over her trinketed stomacher, a slow friendly mockery in her eyes) O Poldy, Poldy, you are a poor old stick in the mud! Go and see life. See the wide world. BLOOM: I was just going back for that lotion whitewax, orangeflower water. Shop closes early on Thursday. But the first thing in the morning. (He pats divers pockets) This moving kidney. Ah! (He points to the south, then to the east. A cake of new clean lemon soap arises, diffusing light and perfume.) THE SOAP: We're a capital couple are Bloom and I. He brightens the earth. I polish the sky. (The freckled face of Sweny, the druggist, appears in the disc of the soapsun.) SWENY: Three and a penny, please. BLOOM: Yes. For my wife. Mrs Marion. Special recipe. MARION: (Softly) Poldy! BLOOM: Yes, ma'am? MARION: ti trema un poco il cuore? (In disdain she saunters away, plump as a pampered pouter pigeon, humming the duet from Don Giovanni.) BLOOM: Are you sure about that voglio ? I mean the pronunciati... (He follows, followed by the sniffing terrier. The elderly bawd seizes his sleeve, the bristles of her chinmole glittering.) THE BAWD: Ten shillings a maidenhead. Fresh thing was never touched. Fifteen. There's no-one in it only her old father that's dead drunk. (She points. In the gap of her dark den furtive, rainbedraggled, Bridie Kelly stands.) BRIDIE: Hatch street. Any good in your mind? (With a squeak she flaps her bat shawl and runs. A burly rough pursues with booted strides. He stumbles on the steps, recovers, plunges into gloom. Weak squeaks of laughter are heard, weaker.) THE BAWD: (Her wolfeyes shining) He's getting his pleasure. You won't get a virgin in the flash houses. Ten shillings. Don't be all night before the polis in plain clothes sees us. Sixtyseven is a bitch. (Leering, Gerty Macdowell limps forward. She draws from behind, ogling, and shows coyly her bloodied clout.) GERTY: With all my worldly goods I thee and thou. (She murmurs) You did that. I hate you. BLOOM: I? When? You're dreaming. I never saw you. THE BAWD: Leave the gentleman alone, you cheat. Writing the gentleman false letters. Streetwalking and soliciting. Better for your mother take the strap to you at the bedpost, hussy like you. GERTY: (To Bloom) When you saw all the secrets of my bottom drawer. (She paws his sleeve, slobbering) Dirty married man! I love you for doing that to me. (She glides away crookedly. Mrs Breen in man's frieze overcoat with loose bellows pockets, stands in the causeway, her roguish eyes wideopen, smiling in all her herbivorous buckteeth.) MRS BREEN: Mr... BLOOM: (Coughs gravely) Madam, when we last had this pleasure by letter dated the sixteenth instant... MRS BREEN: Mr Bloom! You down here in the haunts of sin! I caught you nicely! Scamp! BLOOM: (Hurriedly) Not so loud my name. Whatever do you think of me? Don't give me away. Walls have ears. How do you do? It's ages since I. You're looking splendid. Absolutely it. Seasonable weather we are having this time of year. Black refracts heat. Short cut home here. Interesting quarter. Rescue of fallen women. Magdalen asylum. I am the secretary... MRS BREEN: (Holds up a finger) Now, don't tell a big fib! I know somebody won't like that. O just wait till I see Molly! (Slily) Account for yourself this very sminute or woe betide you! BLOOM: (Looks behind) She often said she'd like to visit. Slumming. The exotic, you see. Negro servants in livery too if she had money. Othello black brute. Eugene Stratton. Even the bones and cornerman at the Livermore christies. Bohee brothers. Sweep for that matter. (Tom and Sam Bohee, coloured coons in white duck suits, scarlet socks, upstarched Sambo chokers and large scarlet asters in their buttonholes, leap out. Each has his banjo slung. Their paler smaller negroid hands jingle the twingtwang wires. Flashing white Kaffir eyes and tusks they rattle through a breakdown in clumsy clogs, twinging, singing, back to back, toe heel, heel toe, with smackfatclacking nigger lips.) (They whisk black masks from raw babby faces: then, chuckling, chortling, trumming, twanging, they diddle diddle cakewalk dance away.) BLOOM: (With a sour tenderish smile) A little frivol, shall we, if you are so inclined? Would you like me perhaps to embrace you just for a fraction of a second? MRS BREEN: (Screams gaily) O, you ruck! You ought to see yourself! BLOOM: For old sake' sake. I only meant a square party, a mixed marriage mingling of our different little conjugials. You know I had a soft corner for you. (Gloomily) 'Twas I sent you that valentine of the dear gazelle. MRS BREEN: Glory Alice, you do look a holy show! Killing simply. (She puts out her hand inquisitively) What are you hiding behind your back? Tell us, there's a dear. BLOOM: (Seizes her wrist with his free hand) Josie Powell that was, prettiest deb in Dublin. How time flies by! Do you remember, harking back in a retrospective arrangement, Old Christmas night, Georgina Simpson's housewarming while they were playing the Irving Bishop game, finding the pin blindfold and thoughtreading? Subject, what is in this snuffbox? MRS BREEN: You were the lion of the night with your seriocomic recitation and you looked the part. You were always a favourite with the ladies. BLOOM: (Squire of dames, in dinner jacket with wateredsilk facings, blue masonic badge in his buttonhole, black bow and mother-of-pearl studs, a prismatic champagne glass tilted in his hand) Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ireland, home and beauty. MRS BREEN: The dear dead days beyond recall. Love's old sweet song. BLOOM: (Meaningfully dropping his voice) I confess I'm teapot with curiosity to find out whether some person's something is a little teapot at present. MRS BREEN: (Gushingly) Tremendously teapot! London's teapot and I'm simply teapot all over me! (She rubs sides with him) After the parlour mystery games and the crackers from the tree we sat on the staircase ottoman. Under the mistletoe. Two is company. BLOOM: (Wearing a purple Napoleon hat with an amber halfmoon, his fingers and thumb passing slowly down to her soft moist meaty palm which she surrenders gently) The witching hour of night. I took the splinter out of this hand, carefully, slowly. (Tenderly, as he slips on her finger a ruby ring) Là ci darem la mano. MRS BREEN: (In a onepiece evening frock executed in moonlight blue, a tinsel sylph's diadem on her brow with her dancecard fallen beside her moonblue satin slipper, curves her palm softly, breathing quickly) Voglio e non. You're hot! You're scalding! The left hand nearest the heart. BLOOM: When you made your present choice they said it was beauty and the beast. I can never forgive you for that. (His clenched fist at his brow) Think what it means. All you meant to me then. (Hoarsely) Woman, it's breaking me! (Denis Breen, whitetallhatted, with Wisdom Hely's sandwich-boards, shuffles past them in carpet slippers, his dull beard thrust out, muttering to right and left. Little Alf Bergan, cloaked in the pall of the ace of spades, dogs him to left and right, doubled in laughter.) ALF BERGAN: (Points jeering at the sandwichboards) U. p: Up. MRS BREEN: (To Bloom) High jinks below stairs. (She gives him the glad eye) Why didn't you kiss the spot to make it well? You wanted to. BLOOM: (Shocked) Molly's best friend! Could you? MRS BREEN: (Her pulpy tongue between her lips, offers a pigeon kiss) Hnhn. The answer is a lemon. Have you a little present for me there? BLOOM: (Offhandedly) Kosher. A snack for supper. The home without potted meat is incomplete. I was at Leah. Mrs Bandmann Palmer. Trenchant exponent of Shakespeare. Unfortunately threw away the programme. Rattling good place round there for pigs' feet. Feel. (Richie Goulding, three ladies' hats pinned on his head, appears weighted to one side by the black legal bag of Collis and Ward on which a skull and crossbones are painted in white limewash. He opens it and shows it full of polonies, kippered herrings, Findon haddies and tightpacked pills.) RICHIE: Best value in Dub. (Bald Pat, bothered beetle, stands on the curbstone, folding his napkin, waiting to wait.) PAT: (Advances with a tilted dish of spillspilling gravy) Steak and kidney. Bottle of lager. Hee hee hee. Wait till I wait. RICHIE: Goodgod. Inev erate inall... (With hanging head he marches doggedly forward. The navvy, lurching by, gores him with his flaming pronghorn.) RICHIE: (With a cry of pain, his hand to his back) Ah! Bright's! Lights! BLOOM: (Ooints to the navvy) A spy. Don't attract attention. I hate stupid crowds. I am not on pleasure bent. I am in a grave predicament. MRS BREEN: Humbugging and deluthering as per usual with your cock and bull story. BLOOM: I want to tell you a little secret about how I came to be here. But you must never tell. Not even Molly. I have a most particular reason. MRS BREEN: (All agog) O, not for worlds. BLOOM: Let's walk on. Shall us? MRS BREEN: Let's. (The bawd makes an unheeded sign. Bloom walks on with Mrs Breen. The terrier follows, whining piteously, wagging his tail.) THE BAWD: Jewman's melt! BLOOM: (In an oatmeal sporting suit, a sprig of woodbine in the lapel, tony buff shirt, shepherd's plaid Saint Andrew's cross scarftie, white spats, fawn dustcoat on his arm, tawny red brogues, fieldglasses in bandolier and a grey billycock hat) Do you remember a long long time, years and years ago, just after Milly, Marionette we called her, was weaned when we all went together to Fairyhouse races, was it? MRS BREEN: (In smart Saxe tailormade, white velours hat and spider veil) Leopardstown. BLOOM: I mean, Leopardstown. And Molly won seven shillings on a three year old named Nevertell and coming home along by Foxrock in that old fiveseater shanderadan of a waggonette you were in your heyday then and you had on that new hat of white velours with a surround of molefur that Mrs Hayes advised you to buy because it was marked down to nineteen and eleven, a bit of wire and an old rag of velveteen, and I'll lay you what you like she did it on purpose... MRS BREEN: She did, of course, the cat! Don't tell me! Nice adviser! BLOOM: Because it didn't suit you one quarter as well as the other ducky little tammy toque with the bird of paradise wing in it that I admired on you and you honestly looked just too fetching in it though it was a pity to kill it, you cruel naughty creature, little mite of a thing with a heart the size of a fullstop. MRS BREEN: (Squeezes his arm, simpers) Naughty cruel I was! BLOOM: (Low, secretly, ever more rapidly) And Molly was eating a sandwich of spiced beef out of Mrs Joe Gallaher's lunch basket. Frankly, though she had her advisers or admirers, I never cared much for her style. She was... MRS BREEN: Too... BLOOM: Yes. And Molly was laughing because Rogers and Maggot O'Reilly were mimicking a cock as we passed a farmhouse and Marcus Tertius Moses, the tea merchant, drove past us in a gig with his daughter, Dancer Moses was her name, and the poodle in her lap bridled up and you asked me if I ever heard or read or knew or came across... MRS BREEN: (Eagerly) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. (She fades from his side. Followed by the whining dog he walks on towards hellsgates. In an archway a standing woman, bent forward, her feet apart, pisses cowily. Outside a shuttered pub a bunch of loiterers listen to a tale which their brokensnouted gaffer rasps out with raucous humour. An armless pair of them flop wrestling, growling, in maimed sodden playfight.) THE GAFFER: (Crouches, his voice twisted in his snout) And when Cairns came down from the scaffolding in Beaver street what was he after doing it into only into the bucket of porter that was there waiting on the shavings for Derwan's plasterers. THE LOITERERS: (Guffaw with cleft palates) O jays! (Their paintspeckled hats wag. Spattered with size and lime of their lodges they frisk limblessly about him.) BLOOM: Coincidence too. They think it funny. Anything but that. Broad daylight. Trying to walk. Lucky no woman. THE LOITERERS: Jays, that's a good one. Glauber salts. O jays, into the men's porter. (Bloom passes. Cheap whores, singly, coupled, shawled, dishevelled, call from lanes, doors, corners.) (He plodges through their sump towards the lighted street beyond. From a bulge of window curtains a gramophone rears a battered brazen trunk. In the shadow a shebeenkeeper haggles with the navvy and the two redcoats.) THE NAVVY: (Belching) Where's the bloody house? THE SHEBEENKEEPER: Purdon street. Shilling a bottle of stout. Respectable woman. THE NAVVY: (Gripping the two redcoats, staggers forward with them) Come on, you British army! PRIVATE CARR: (Behind his back) He aint half balmy. PRIVATE COMPTON: (Laughs) What ho! PRIVATE CARR: (To the navvy) Portobello barracks canteen. You ask for Carr. Just Carr. THE NAVVY: (Shouts) We are the boys. Of Wexford. PRIVATE COMPTON: Say! What price the sergeantmajor? PRIVATE CARR: Bennett? He's my pal. I love old Bennett. THE NAVVY: (Shouts) (He staggers forward, dragging them with him. Bloom stops, at fault. The dog approaches, his tongue outlolling, panting) BLOOM: Wildgoose chase this. Disorderly houses. Lord knows where they are gone. Drunks cover distance double quick. Nice mixup. Scene at Westland row. Then jump in first class with third ticket. Then too far. Train with engine behind. Might have taken me to Malahide or a siding for the night or collision. Second drink does it. Once is a dose. What am I following him for? Still, he's the best of that lot. If I hadn't heard about Mrs Beaufoy Purefoy I wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have met. Kismet. He'll lose that cash. Relieving office here. Good biz for cheapjacks, organs. What do ye lack? Soon got, soon gone. Might have lost my life too with that mangongwheeltracktrolleyglarejuggernaut only for presence of mind. Can't always save you, though. If I had passed Truelock's window that day two minutes later would have been shot. Absence of body. Still if bullet only went through my coat get damages for shock, five hundred pounds. What was he? Kildare street club toff. God help his gamekeeper. (He gazes ahead, reading on the wall a scrawled chalk legend Wet Dream and a phallic design. ) Odd! Molly drawing on the frosted carriagepane at Kingstown. What's that like? (Gaudy dollwomen loll in the lighted doorways, in window embrasures, smoking birdseye cigarettes. The odour of the sicksweet weed floats towards him in slow round ovalling wreaths.) THE WREATHS: Sweet are the sweets. Sweets of sin. BLOOM: My spine's a bit limp. Go or turn? And this food? Eat it and get all pigsticky. Absurd I am. Waste of money. One and eightpence too much. (The retriever drives a cold snivelling muzzle against his hand, wagging his tail.) Strange how they take to me. Even that brute today. Better speak to him first. Like women they like rencontres. Stinks like a polecat. Chacun son gout . He might be mad. Dogdays. Uncertain in his movements. Good fellow! Fido! Good fellow! Garryowen! (The wolfdog sprawls on his back, wriggling obscenely with begging paws, his long black tongue lolling out.) Influence of his surroundings. Give and have done with it. Provided nobody. (Calling encouraging words he shambles back with a furtive poacher's tread, dogged by the setter into a dark stalestunk corner. He unrolls one parcel and goes to dump the crubeen softly but holds back and feels the trotter.) Sizeable for threepence. But then I have it in my left hand. Calls for more effort. Why? Smaller from want of use. O, let it slide. Two and six. (With regret he lets the unrolled crubeen and trotter slide. The mastiff mauls the bundle clumsily and gluts himself with growling greed, crunching the bones. Two raincaped watch approach, silent, vigilant. They murmur together.) THE WATCH: Bloom. Of Bloom. For Bloom. Bloom. (Each lays hand on Bloom's shoulder.) FIRST WATCH: Caught in the act. Commit no nuisance. BLOOM: (Stammers) I am doing good to others. (A covey of gulls, storm petrels, rises hungrily from Liffey slime with Banbury cakes in their beaks.) THE GULLS: Kaw kave kankury kake. BLOOM: The friend of man. Trained by kindness. (He points. Bob Doran, toppling from a high barstool, sways over the munching spaniel.) BOB DORAN: Towser. Give us the paw. Give the paw. (The bulldog growls, his scruff standing, a gobbet of pig's knuckle between his molars through which rabid scumspittle dribbles. Bob Doran fills silently into an area.) SECOND WATCH: Prevention of cruelty to animals. BLOOM: (Enthusiastically) A noble work! I scolded that tramdriver on Harold's cross bridge for illusing the poor horse with his harness scab. Bad French I got for my pains. Of course it was frosty and the last tram. All tales of circus life are highly demoralising. (Signor Maffei, passionpale, in liontamer's costume with diamond studs in his shirtfront, steps forward, holding a circus paperhoop, a curling carriagewhip and a revolver with which he covers the gorging boarhound.) SIGNOR MAFFEI: (With a sinister smile) Ladies and gentlemen, my educated greyhound. It was I broke in the bucking broncho Ajax with my patent spiked saddle for carnivores. Lash under the belly with a knotted thong. Block tackle and a strangling pulley will bring your lion to heel, no matter how fractious, even Leo ferox there, the Libyan maneater. A redhot crowbar and some liniment rubbing on the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the thinking hyena. (He glares) I possess the Indian sign. The glint of my eye does it with these breastsparklers. (With a bewitching smile) I now introduce Mademoiselle Ruby, the pride of the ring. FIRST WATCH: Come. Name and address. BLOOM: I have forgotten for the moment. Ah, yes! (He takes off his high grade hat, saluting) Dr Bloom, Leopold, dental surgeon. You have heard of von Blum Pasha. Umpteen millions. Donnerwetter! Owns half Austria. Egypt. Cousin. FIRST WATCH: Proof. (A card falls from inside the leather headband of Bloom's hat.) BLOOM: (In red fez, cadi's dress coat with broad green sash, wearing a false badge of the Legion of Honour, picks up the card hastily and offers it) Allow me. My club is the Junior Army and Navy. Solicitors: Messrs John Henry Menton, 27 Bachelor's Walk. FIRST WATCH: (Reads) Henry Flower. No fixed abode. Unlawfully watching and besetting. SECOND WATCH: An alibi. You are cautioned. BLOOM: (Produces from his heartpocket a crumpled yellow flower) This is the flower in question. It was given me by a man I don't know his name. (Plausibly) You know that old joke, rose of Castile. Bloom. The change of name. Virag. (He murmurs privately and confidentially) We are engaged you see, sergeant. Lady in the case. Love entanglement. (He shoulders the second watch gently) Dash it all. It's a way we gallants have in the navy. Uniform that does it. (He turns gravely to the first watch) Still, of course, you do get your Waterloo sometimes. Drop in some evening and have a glass of old Burgundy. (To the second watch gaily) I'll introduce you, inspector. She's game. Do it in the shake of a lamb's tail. (A dark mercurialised face appears, leading a veiled figure.) THE DARK MERCURY: The Castle is looking for him. He was drummed out of the army. MARTHA: (Thickveiled, a crimson halter round her neck, a copy of the Irish Times in her hand, in tone of reproach, pointing) Henry! Leopold! Lionel, thou lost one! Clear my name. FIRST WATCH: (Sternly) Come to the station. BLOOM: (Scared, hats himself, steps back, then, plucking at his heart and lifting his right forearm on the square, he gives the sign and dueguard of fellowcraft) No, no, worshipful master, light of love. Mistaken identity. The Lyons mail. Lesurques and Dubosc. You remember the Childs fratricide case. We medical men. By striking him dead with a hatchet. I am wrongfully accused. Better one guilty escape than ninetynine wrongfully condemned. MARTHA: (Sobbing behind her veil) Breach of promise. My real name is Peggy Griffin. He wrote to me that he was miserable. I'll tell my brother, the Bective rugger fullback, on you, heartless flirt. BLOOM: (Behind his hand) She's drunk. The woman is inebriated. (He murmurs vaguely the pass of Ephraim) Shitbroleeth. SECOND WATCH: (Tears in his eyes, to Bloom) You ought to be thoroughly well ashamed of yourself. BLOOM: Gentlemen of the jury, let me explain. A pure mare's nest. I am a man misunderstood. I am being made a scapegoat of. I am a respectable married man, without a stain on my character. I live in Eccles street. My wife, I am the daughter of a most distinguished commander, a gallant upstanding gentleman, what do you call him, Majorgeneral Brian Tweedy, one of Britain's fighting men who helped to win our battles. Got his majority for the heroic defence of Rorke's Drift. FIRST WATCH: Regiment. BLOOM: (Turns to the gallery) The royal Dublins, boys, the salt of the earth, known the world over. I think I see some old comrades in arms up there among you. The R. D. F., with our own Metropolitan police, guardians of our homes, the pluckiest lads and the finest body of men, as physique, in the service of our sovereign. A VOICE: Turncoat! Up the Boers! Who booed Joe Chamberlain? BLOOM: (His hand on the shoulder of the first watch) My old dad too was a J. P. I'm as staunch a Britisher as you are, sir. I fought with the colours for king and country in the absentminded war under general Gough in the park and was disabled at Spion Kop and Bloemfontein, was mentioned in dispatches. I did all a white man could. (With quiet feeling) Jim Bludso. Hold her nozzle again the bank. FIRST WATCH: Profession or trade. BLOOM: Well, I follow a literary occupation, author-journalist. In fact we are just bringing out a collection of prize stories of which I am the inventor, something that is an entirely new departure. I am connected with the British and Irish press. If you ring up... (Myles Crawford strides out jerkily, a quill between his teeth. His scarlet beak blazes within the aureole of his straw hat. He dangles a hank of Spanish onions in one hand and holds with the other hand a telephone receiver nozzle to his ear.) MYLES CRAWFORD: (His cock's wattles wagging) Hello, seventyseven eightfour. Hello. Freeman's Urinal and Weekly Arsewipe here. Paralyse Europe. You which? Bluebags? Who writes? Is it Bloom? (Mr Philip Beaufoy, palefaced, stands in the witnessbox, in accurate morning dress, outbreast pocket with peak of handkerchief showing, creased lavender trousers and patent boots. He carries a large portfolio labelled Matcham's Masterstrokes.) BEAUFOY: (Drawls) No, you aren't. Not by a long shot if I know it. I don't see it that's all. No born gentleman, no-one with the most rudimentary promptings of a gentleman would stoop to such particularly loathsome conduct. One of those, my lord. A plagiarist. A soapy sneak masquerading as a litterateur. It's perfectly obvious that with the most inherent baseness he has cribbed some of my bestselling copy, really gorgeous stuff, a perfect gem, the love passages in which are beneath suspicion. The Beaufoy books of love and great possessions, with which your lordship is doubtless familiar, are a household word throughout the kingdom. BLOOM: (Murmurs with hangdog meekness glum) That bit about the laughing witch hand in hand I take exception to, if I may... BEAUFOY: (His lip upcurled, smiles superciliously on the court) You funny ass, you! You're too beastly awfully weird for words! I don't think you need over excessively disincommodate yourself in that regard. My literary agent Mr J. B. Pinker is in attendance. I presume, my lord, we shall receive the usual witnesses' fees, shan't we? We are considerably out of pocket over this bally pressman johnny, this jackdaw of Rheims, who has not even been to a university. BLOOM: (Indistinctly) University of life. Bad art. BEAUFOY: (Shouts) It's a damnably foul lie, showing the moral rottenness of the man! (He extends his portfolio) We have here damning evidence, the corpus delicti , my lord, a specimen of my maturer work disfigured by the hallmark of the beast. Moses, Moses, king of the jews, Wiped his arse in the Daily News. BLOOM: (Bravely) Overdrawn. BEAUFOY: You low cad! You ought to be ducked in the horsepond, you rotter! (To the court) Why, look at the man's private life! Leading a quadruple existence! Street angel and house devil. Not fit to be mentioned in mixed society! The archconspirator of the age! BLOOM: (To the court) And he, a bachelor, how... FIRST WATCH: The King versus Bloom. Call the woman Driscoll. THE CRIER: Mary Driscoll, scullerymaid! (Mary Driscoll, a slipshod servant girl, approaches. She has a bucket on the crook of her arm and a scouringbrush in her hand.) SECOND WATCH: Another! Are you of the unfortunate class? MARY DRISCOLL: (Indignantly) I'm not a bad one. I bear a respectable character and was four months in my last place. I was in a situation, six pounds a year and my chances with Fridays out and I had to leave owing to his carryings on. FIRST WATCH: What do you tax him with? MARY DRISCOLL: He made a certain suggestion but I thought more of myself as poor as I am. BLOOM: (In housejacket of ripplecloth, flannel trousers, heelless slippers, unshaven, his hair rumpled: softly) I treated you white. I gave you mementos, smart emerald garters far above your station. Incautiously I took your part when you were accused of pilfering. There's a medium in all things. Play cricket. MARY DRISCOLL: (Excitedly) As God is looking down on me this night if ever I laid a hand to them oysters! FIRST WATCH: The offence complained of? Did something happen? MARY DRISCOLL: He surprised me in the rere of the premises, Your honour, when the missus was out shopping one morning with a request for a safety pin. He held me and I was discoloured in four places as a result. And he interfered twict with my clothing. BLOOM: She counterassaulted. MARY DRISCOLL: (Scornfully) I had more respect for the scouringbrush, so I had. I remonstrated with him, Your lord, and he remarked: keep it quiet. (General laughter.) GEORGE FOTTRELL: (Clerk of the crown and peace, resonantly) Order in court! The accused will now make a bogus statement. (Bloom, pleading not guilty and holding a fullblown waterlily, begins a long unintelligible speech. They would hear what counsel had to say in his stirring address to the grand jury. He was down and out but, though branded as a black sheep, if he might say so, he meant to reform, to retrieve the memory of the past in a purely sisterly way and return to nature as a purely domestic animal. A sevenmonths' child, he had been carefully brought up and nurtured by an aged bedridden parent. There might have been lapses of an erring father but he wanted to turn over a new leaf and now, when at long last in sight of the whipping post, to lead a homely life in the evening of his days, permeated by the affectionate surroundings of the heaving bosom of the family. An acclimatised Britisher, he had seen that summer eve from the footplate of an engine cab of the Loop line railway company while the rain refrained from falling glimpses, as it were, through the windows of loveful households in Dublin city and urban district of scenes truly rural of happiness of the better land with Dockrell's wallpaper at one and ninepence a dozen, innocent Britishborn bairns lisping prayers to the Sacred Infant, youthful scholars grappling with their pensums or model young ladies playing on the pianoforte or anon all with fervour reciting the family rosary round the crackling Yulelog while in the boreens and green lanes the colleens with their swains strolled what times the strains of the organtoned melodeon Britannia metalbound with four acting stops and twelvefold bellows, a sacrifice, greatest bargain ever... (Renewed laughter. He mumbles incoherently. Reporters complain that they cannot hear.) LONGHAND AND SHORTHAND: (Without looking up from their notebooks) Loosen his boots. PROFESSOR MACHUGH: (From the presstable, coughs and calls) Cough it up, man. Get it out in bits. (The crossexamination proceeds re Bloom and the bucket. A large bucket. Bloom himself. Bowel trouble. In Beaver street Gripe, yes. Quite bad. A plasterer's bucket. By walking stifflegged. Suffered untold misery. Deadly agony. About noon. Love or burgundy. Yes, some spinach. Crucial moment. He did not look in the bucket Nobody. Rather a mess. Not completely. A Titbits back number .) (Uproar and catcalls. Bloom in a torn frockcoat stained with whitewash, dinged silk hat sideways on his head, a strip of stickingplaster across his nose, talks inaudibly.) J. J. O'MOLLOY: (In barrister's grey wig and stuffgown, speaking with a voice of pained protest) This is no place for indecent levity at the expense of an erring mortal disguised in liquor. We are not in a beargarden nor at an Oxford rag nor is this a travesty of justice. My client is an infant, a poor foreign immigrant who started scratch as a stowaway and is now trying to turn an honest penny. The trumped up misdemeanour was due to a momentary aberration of heredity, brought on by hallucination, such familiarities as the alleged guilty occurrence being quite permitted in my client's native place, the land of the Pharaoh. Prima facie , I put it to you that there was no attempt at carnally knowing. Intimacy did not occur and the offence complained of by Driscoll, that her virtue was solicited, was not repeated. I would deal in especial with atavism. There have been cases of shipwreck and somnambulism in my client's family. If the accused could speak he could a tale unfold—one of the strangest that have ever been narrated between the covers of a book. He himself, my lord, is a physical wreck from cobbler's weak chest. His submission is that he is of Mongolian extraction and irresponsible for his actions. Not all there, in fact. BLOOM: (Barefoot, pigeonbreasted, in lascar's vest and trousers, apologetic toes turned in, opens his tiny mole's eyes and looks about him dazedly, passing a slow hand across his forehead. Then he hitches his belt sailor fashion and with a shrug of oriental obeisance salutes the court, pointing one thumb heavenward.) Him makee velly muchee fine night. (He begins to lilt simply) (He is howled down.) J. J. O'MOLLOY: (Hotly to the populace) This is a lonehand fight. By Hades, I will not have any client of mine gagged and badgered in this fashion by a pack of curs and laughing hyenas. The Mosaic code has superseded the law of the jungle. I say it and I say it emphatically, without wishing for one moment to defeat the ends of justice, accused was not accessory before the act and prosecutrix has not been tampered with. The young person was treated by defendant as if she were his very own daughter. (Bloom takes J. J. O'Molloy's hand and raises it to his lips.) I shall call rebutting evidence to prove up to the hilt that the hidden hand is again at its old game. When in doubt persecute Bloom. My client, an innately bashful man, would be the last man in the world to do anything ungentlemanly which injured modesty could object to or cast a stone at a girl who took the wrong turning when some dastard, responsible for her condition, had worked his own sweet will on her. He wants to go straight. I regard him as the whitest man I know. He is down on his luck at present owing to the mortgaging of his extensive property at Agendath Netaim in faraway Asia Minor, slides of which will now be shown. (To Bloom) I suggest that you will do the handsome thing. BLOOM: A penny in the pound. (The image of the lake of Kinnereth with blurred cattle cropping in silver haze is projected on the wall. Moses Dlugacz, ferreteyed albino, in blue dungarees, stands up in the gallery, holding in each hand an orange citron and a pork kidney.) DLUGACZ: (Hoarsely) Bleibtreustrasse, Berlin, W.13. (J. J. O'Molloy steps on to a low plinth and holds the lapel of his coat with solemnity. His face lengthens, grows pale and bearded, with sunken eyes, the blotches of phthisis and hectic cheekbones of John F. Taylor. He applies his handkerchief to his mouth and scrutinises the galloping tide of rosepink blood.) J.J.O'MOLLOY: (Almost voicelessly) Excuse me. I am suffering from a severe chill, have recently come from a sickbed. A few wellchosen words. (He assumes the avine head, foxy moustache and proboscidal eloquence of Seymour Bushe.) When the angel's book comes to be opened if aught that the pensive bosom has inaugurated of soultransfigured and of soultransfiguring deserves to live I say accord the prisoner at the bar the sacred benefit of the doubt. (A paper with something written on it is handed into court. ) BLOOM: (In court dress) Can give best references. Messrs Callan, Coleman. Mr Wisdom Hely J. P. My old chief Joe Cuffe. Mr V. B. Dillon, ex lord mayor of Dublin. I have moved in the charmed circle of the highest... Queens of Dublin society. (Carelessly) I was just chatting this afternoon at the viceregal lodge to my old pals, sir Robert and lady Ball, astronomer royal at the levee. Sir Bob, I said... MRS YELVERTON BARRY: (In lowcorsaged opal balldress and elbowlength ivory gloves, wearing a sabletrimmed brickquilted dolman, a comb of brilliants and panache of osprey in her hair) Arrest him, constable. He wrote me an anonymous letter in prentice backhand when my husband was in the North Riding of Tipperary on the Munster circuit, signed James Lovebirch. He said that he had seen from the gods my peerless globes as I sat in a box of the Theatre Royal at a command performance of La Cigale . I deeply inflamed him, he said. He made improper overtures to me to misconduct myself at half past four p.m. on the following Thursday, Dunsink time. He offered to send me through the post a work of fiction by Monsieur Paul de Kock, entitled The Girl with the Three Pairs of Stays . MRS BELLINGHAM: (In cap and seal coney mantle, wrapped up to the nose, steps out of her brougham and scans through tortoiseshell quizzing-glasses which she takes from inside her huge opossum muff) Also to me. Yes, I believe it is the same objectionable person. Because he closed my carriage door outside sir Thornley Stoker's one sleety day during the cold snap of February ninetythree when even the grid of the wastepipe and the ballstop in my bath cistern were frozen. Subsequently he enclosed a bloom of edelweiss culled on the heights, as he said, in my honour. I had it examined by a botanical expert and elicited the information that it was ablossom of the homegrown potato plant purloined from a forcingcase of the model farm. MRS YELVERTON BARRY: Shame on him! (A crowd of sluts and ragamuffins surges forward) THE SLUTS AND RAGAMUFFINS: (Screaming) Stop thief! Hurrah there, Bluebeard! Three cheers for Ikey Mo! SECOND WATCH: (Produces handcuffs) Here are the darbies. MRS BELLINGHAM: He addressed me in several handwritings with fulsome compliments as a Venus in furs and alleged profound pity for my frostbound coachman Palmer while in the same breath he expressed himself as envious of his earflaps and fleecy sheepskins and of his fortunate proximity to my person, when standing behind my chair wearing my livery and the armorial bearings of the Bellingham escutcheon garnished sable, a buck's head couped or. He lauded almost extravagantly my nether extremities, my swelling calves in silk hose drawn up to the limit, and eulogised glowingly my other hidden treasures in priceless lace which, he said, he could conjure up. He urged me (stating that he felt it his mission in life to urge me) to defile the marriage bed, to commit adultery at the earliest possible opportunity. THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (In amazon costume, hard hat, jackboots cockspurred, vermilion waistcoat, fawn musketeer gauntlets with braided drums, long train held up and hunting crop with which she strikes her welt constantly) Also me. Because he saw me on the polo ground of the Phoenix park at the match All Ireland versus the Rest of Ireland. My eyes, I know, shone divinely as I watched Captain Slogger Dennehy of the Inniskillings win the final chukkar on his darling cob Centaur. This plebeian Don Juan observed me from behind a hackney car and sent me in double envelopes an obscene photograph, such as are sold after dark on Paris boulevards, insulting to any lady. I have it still. It represents a partially nude señorita, frail and lovely (his wife, as he solemnly assured me, taken by him from nature), practising illicit intercourse with a muscular torero, evidently a blackguard. He urged me to do likewise, to misbehave, to sin with officers of the garrison. He implored me to soil his letter in an unspeakable manner, to chastise him as he richly deserves, to bestride and ride him, to give him a most vicious horsewhipping. MRS BELLINGHAM: Me too. MRS YELVERTON BARRY: Me too. (Several highly respectable Dublin ladies hold up improper letters received from Bloom.) THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (Stamps her jingling spurs in a sudden paroxysm of fury) I will, by the God above me. I'll scourge the pigeonlivered cur as long as I can stand over him. I'll flay him alive. BLOOM: (His eyes closing, quails expectantly) Here? (He squirms) Again! (He pants cringing) I love the danger. THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: Very much so! I'll make it hot for you. I'll make you dance Jack Latten for that. MRS BELLINGHAM: Tan his breech well, the upstart! Write the stars and stripes on it! MRS YELVERTON BARRY: Disgraceful! There's no excuse for him! A married man! BLOOM: All these people. I meant only the spanking idea. A warm tingling glow without effusion. Refined birching to stimulate the circulation. THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (Laughs derisively) O, did you, my fine fellow? Well, by the living God, you'll get the surprise of your life now, believe me, the most unmerciful hiding a man ever bargained for. You have lashed the dormant tigress in my nature into fury. MRS BELLINGHAM: (Shakes her muff and quizzing-glasses vindictively) Make him smart, Hanna dear. Give him ginger. Thrash the mongrel within an inch of his life. The cat-o'-nine-tails. Geld him. Vivisect him. BLOOM: (Shuddering, shrinking, joins his hands: with hangdog mien) O cold! O shivery! It was your ambrosial beauty. Forget, forgive. Kismet. Let me off this once. (He offers the other cheek) MRS YELVERTON BARRY: (Severely) Don't do so on any account, Mrs Talboys! He should be soundly trounced! THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS: (Unbuttoning her gauntlet violently) I'll do no such thing. Pigdog and always was ever since he was pupped! To dare address me! I'll flog him black and blue in the public streets. I'll dig my spurs in him up to the rowel. He is a wellknown cuckold. (She swishes her huntingcrop savagely in the air) Take down his trousers without loss of time. Come here, sir! Quick! Ready? BLOOM: (Trembling, beginning to obey) The weather has been so warm. (Davy Stephens, ringletted, passes with a bevy of barefoot newsboys.) DAVY STEPHENS: Messenger of the Sacred Heart and Evening Telegraph with Saint Patrick's Day supplement. Containing the new addresses of all the cuckolds in Dublin. (The very reverend Canon O'Hanlon in cloth of gold cope elevates and exposes a marble timepiece. Before him Father Conroy and the reverend John Hughes S.J. bend low.) THE TIMEPIECE: (Unportalling) (The brass quoits of a bed are heard to jingle.) THE QUOITS: Jigjag. Jigajiga. Jigjag. (A panel of fog rolls back rapidly, revealing rapidly in the jurybox the faces of Martin Cunningham, foreman, silkhatted, Jack Power, Simon Dedalus, Tom Kernan, Ned Lambert, John Henry Menton Myles Crawford, Lenehan, Paddy Leonard, Nosey Flynn, M'Coy and the featureless face of a Nameless One.) THE NAMELESS ONE: Bareback riding. Weight for age. Gob, he organised her. THE JURORS: (All their heads turned to his voice) Really? THE NAMELESS ONE: (Snarls) Arse over tip. Hundred shillings to five. THE JURORS: (All their heads lowered in assent) Most of us thought as much. FIRST WATCH: He is a marked man. Another girl's plait cut. Wanted: Jack the Ripper. A thousand pounds reward. SECOND WATCH: (Awed, whispers) And in black. A mormon. Anarchist. THE CRIER: (Loudly) Whereas Leopold Bloom of no fixed abode is a wellknown dynamitard, forger, bigamist, bawd and cuckold and a public nuisance to the citizens of Dublin and whereas at this commission of assizes the most honourable... (His Honour, sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, in judicial garb of grey stone rises from the bench, stonebearded. He bears in his arms an umbrella sceptre. From his forehead arise starkly the Mosaic ramshorns.) THE RECORDER: I will put an end to this white slave traffic and rid Dublin of this odious pest. Scandalous! (He dons the black cap) Let him be taken, Mr Subsheriff, from the dock where he now stands and detained in custody in Mountjoy prison during His Majesty's pleasure and there be hanged by the neck until he is dead and therein fail not at your peril or may the Lord have mercy on your soul. Remove him. (A black skullcap descends upon his head.) (The subsheriff Long John Fanning appears, smoking a pungent Henry Clay.) LONG JOHN FANNING: (Scowls and calls with rich rolling utterance) Who'll hang Judas Iscariot? (H. Rumbold, master barber, in a bloodcoloured jerkin and tanner's apron, a rope coiled over his shoulder, mounts the block. A life preserver and a nailstudded bludgeon are stuck in his belt. He rubs grimly his grappling hands, knobbed with knuckledusters.) RUMBOLD: (To the recorder with sinister familiarity) Hanging Harry, your Majesty, the Mersey terror. Five guineas a jugular. Neck or nothing. (The bells of George's church toll slowly, loud dark iron.) THE BELLS: Heigho! Heigho! BLOOM: (Desperately) Wait. Stop. Gulls. Good heart. I saw. Innocence. Girl in the monkeyhouse. Zoo. Lewd chimpanzee. (Breathlessly) Pelvic basin. Her artless blush unmanned me. (Overcome with emotion) I left the precincts. (He turns to a figure in the crowd, appealing) Hynes, may I speak to you? You know me. That three shillings you can keep. If you want a little more... HYNES: (Coldly) You are a perfect stranger. SECOND WATCH: (Points to the corner) The bomb is here. FIRST WATCH: Infernal machine with a time fuse. BLOOM: No, no. Pig's feet. I was at a funeral. FIRST WATCH: (Draws his truncheon) Liar! (The beagle lifts his snout, showing the grey scorbutic face of Paddy Dignam. He has gnawed all. He exhales a putrid carcasefed breath. He grows to human size and shape. His dachshund coat becomes a brown mortuary habit. His green eye flashes bloodshot. Half of one ear, all the nose and both thumbs are ghouleaten.) PADDY DIGNAM: (In a hollow voice) It is true. It was my funeral. Doctor Finucane pronounced life extinct when I succumbed to the disease from natural causes. (He lifts his mutilated ashen face moonwards and bays lugubriously.) BLOOM: (In triumph) You hear? PADDY DIGNAM: Bloom, I am Paddy Dignam's spirit. List, list, O list! BLOOM: The voice is the voice of Esau. SECOND WATCH: (Blesses himself) How is that possible? FIRST WATCH: It is not in the penny catechism. PADDY DIGNAM: By metempsychosis. Spooks. A VOICE: O rocks. PADDY DIGNAM: (Earnestly) Once I was in the employ of Mr J. H. Menton, solicitor, commissioner for oaths and affidavits, of 27 Bachelor's Walk. Now I am defunct, the wall of the heart hypertrophied. Hard lines. The poor wife was awfully cut up. How is she bearing it? Keep her off that bottle of sherry. (He looks round him) A lamp. I must satisfy an animal need. That buttermilk didn't agree with me. (The portly figure of John O'Connell, caretaker, stands forth, holding a bunch of keys tied with crape. Beside him stands Father Coffey, chaplain, toadbellied, wrynecked, in a surplice and bandanna nightcap, holding sleepily a staff twisted poppies.) FATHER COFFEY: (Yawns, then chants with a hoarse croak) Namine. Jacobs. Vobiscuits. Amen. JOHN O'CONNELL: (Foghorns stormily through his megaphone) Dignam, Patrick T, deceased. PADDY DIGNAM: (With pricked up ears, winces) Overtones. (He wriggles forward and places an ear to the ground) My master's voice! JOHN O'CONNELL: Burial docket letter number U. P. eightyfive thousand. Field seventeen. House of Keys. Plot, one hundred and one. (Paddy Dignam listens with visible effort, thinking, his tail stiffpointcd, his ears cocked.) PADDY DIGNAM: Pray for the repose of his soul. (He worms down through a coalhole, his brown habit trailing its tether over rattling pebbles. After him toddles an obese grandfather rat on fungus turtle paws under a grey carapace. Dignam's voice, muffled, is heard baying under ground: Dignam's dead and gone below. Tom Rochford, robinredbreasted, in cap and breeches, jumps from his twocolumned machine.) TOM ROCHFORD: (A hand to his breastbone, bows) Reuben J. A florin I find him. (He fixes the manhole with a resolute stare) My turn now on. Follow me up to Carlow. (He executes a daredevil salmon leap in the air and is engulfed in the coalhole. Two discs on the columns wobble, eyes of nought. All recedes. Bloom plodges forward again through the sump. Kisses chirp amid the rifts of fog a piano sounds. He stands before a lighted house, listening. The kisses, winging from their bowers fly about him, twittering, warbling, cooing.) THE KISSES: (Warbling) Leo! (Twittering) Icky licky micky sticky for Leo! (Cooing) Coo coocoo! Yummyyum, Womwom! (Warbling) Big comebig! Pirouette! Leopopold! (Twittering) Leeolee! (Warbling) O Leo! (They rustle, flutter upon his garments, alight, bright giddy flecks, silvery sequins.) BLOOM: A man's touch. Sad music. Church music. Perhaps here. (Zoe Higgins, a young whore in a sapphire slip, closed with three bronze buckles, a slim black velvet fillet round her throat, nods, trips down the steps and accosts him.) ZOE: Are you looking for someone? He's inside with his friend. BLOOM: Is this Mrs Mack's? ZOE: No, eightyone. Mrs Cohen's. You might go farther and fare worse. Mother Slipperslapper. (Familiarly) She's on the job herself tonight with the vet her tipster that gives her all the winners and pays for her son in Oxford. Working overtime but her luck's turned today. (Suspiciously) You're not his father, are you? BLOOM: Not I! ZOE: You both in black. Has little mousey any tickles tonight? (His skin, alert, feels her fingertips approach. A hand glides over his left thigh.) ZOE: How's the nuts? BLOOM: Off side. Curiously they are on the right. Heavier, I suppose. One in a million my tailor, Mesias, says. ZOE: (In sudden alarm) You've a hard chancre. BLOOM: Not likely. ZOE: I feel it. (Her hand slides into his left trouser pocket and brings out a hard black shrivelled potato. She regards it and Bloom with dumb moist lips.) BLOOM: A talisman. Heirloom. ZOE: For Zoe? For keeps? For being so nice, eh? (She puts the potato greedily into a pocket then links his arm, cuddling him with supple warmth. He smiles uneasily. Slowly, note by note, oriental music is played. He gazes in the tawny crystal of her eyes, ringed with kohol. His smile softens.) ZOE: You'll know me the next time. BLOOM: (Forlornly) I never loved a dear gazelle but it was sure to... (Gazelles are leaping, feeding on the mountains. Near are lakes. Round their shores file shadows black of cedargroves. Aroma rises, a strong hairgrowth of resin. It burns, the orient, a sky of sapphire, cleft by the bronze flight of eagles. Under it lies the womancity nude, white, still, cool, in luxury. A fountain murmurs among damask roses. Mammoth roses murmur of scarlet winegrapes. A wine of shame, lust, blood exudes, strangely murmuring.) ZOE: (Murmuring singsong with the music, her odalisk lips lusciously smeared with salve of swinefat and rosewater) Schorach ani wenowach, benoith Hierushaloim. BLOOM: (Fascinated) I thought you were of good stock by your accent. ZOE: And you know what thought did? (She bites his ear gently with little goldstopped teeth, sending on him a cloying breath of stale garlic. The roses draw apart, disclose a sepulchre of the gold of kings and their mouldering bones.) BLOOM: (Draws back, mechanically caressing her right bub with a flat awkward hand) Are you a Dublin girl? ZOE: (Catches a stray hair deftly and twists it to her coil) No bloody fear. I'm English. Have you a swaggerroot? BLOOM: (As before) Rarely smoke, dear. Cigar now and then. Childish device. (Lewdly) The mouth can be better engaged than with a cylinder of rank weed. ZOE: Go on. Make a stump speech out of it. BLOOM: (In workman's corduroy overalls, black gansy with red floating tie and apache cap) Mankind is incorrigible. Sir Walter Ralegh brought from the new world that potato and that weed, the one a killer of pestilence by absorption, the other a poisoner of the ear, eye, heart, memory, will understanding, all. That is to say he brought the poison a hundred years before another person whose name I forget brought the food. Suicide. Lies. All our habits. Why, look at our public life! (Midnight chimes from distant steeples.) THE CHIMES: Turn again, Leopold! Lord mayor of Dublin! BLOOM: (In alderman's gown and chain) Electors of Arran Quay, Inns Quay, Rotunda, Mountjoy and North Dock, better run a tramline, I say, from the cattlemarket to the river. That's the music of the future. That's my programme. Cui bono ? But our bucaneering Vanderdeckens in their phantom ship of finance... AN ELECTOR: Three times three for our future chief magistrate! (The aurora borealis of the torchlight procession leaps.) THE TORCHBEARERS: Hooray! (Several wellknown burgesses, city magnates and freemen of the city shake hands with Bloom and congratulate him. Timothy Harrington, late thrice Lord Mayor of Dublin, imposing in mayoral scarlet, gold chain and white silk tie, confers with councillor Lorcan Sherlock, locum tenens. They nod vigorously in agreement.) LATE LORD MAYOR HARRINGTON: (In scarlet robe with mace, gold mayoral chain and large white silk scarf) That alderman sir Leo Bloom's speech be printed at the expense of the ratepayers. That the house in which he was born be ornamented with a commemorative tablet and that the thoroughfare hitherto known as Cow Parlour off Cork street be henceforth designated Boulevard Bloom. COUNCILLOR LORCAN SHERLOCK: Carried unanimously. BLOOM: (Impassionedly) These flying Dutchmen or lying Dutchmen as they recline in their upholstered poop, casting dice, what reck they? Machines is their cry, their chimera, their panacea. Laboursaving apparatuses, supplanters, bugbears, manufactured monsters for mutual murder, hideous hobgoblins produced by a horde of capitalistic lusts upon our prostituted labour. The poor man starves while they are grassing their royal mountain stags or shooting peasants and phartridges in their purblind pomp of pelf and power. But their reign is rover for rever and ever and ev... (Prolonged applause. Venetian masts, maypoles and festal arches spring up. A streamer bearing the legends Cead Mile Failte and Mah Ttob Melek Israel Spans the street. All the windows are thronged with sightseers, chiefly ladies. Along the route the regiments of the royal Dublin Fusiliers, the King's own Scottish Borderers, the Cameron Highlanders and the Welsh Fusiliers standing to attention, keep back the crowd. Boys from High school are perched on the lampposts, telegraph poles, windowsills, cornices, gutters, chimneypots, railings, rainspouts, whistling and cheering the pillar of the cloud appears. A fife and drum band is heard in the distance playing the Kol Nidre. The beaters approach with imperial eagles hoisted, trailing banners and waving oriental palms. The chryselephantine papal standard rises high, surrounded by pennons of the civic flag. The van of the procession appears headed by John Howard Parnell, city marshal, in a chessboard tabard, the Athlone Poursuivant and Ulster King of Arms. They are followed by the Right Honourable Joseph Hutchinson, lord mayor of Dublin, his lordship the lord mayor of Cork, their worships the mayors of Limerick, Galway, Sligo and Waterford, twentyeight Irish representative peers, sirdars, grandees and maharajahs bearing the cloth of estate, the Dublin Metropolitan Fire Brigade, the chapter of the saints of finance in their plutocratic order of precedence, the bishop of Down and Connor, His Eminence Michael cardinal Logue, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all Ireland, His Grace, the most reverend Dr William Alexander, archbishop of Armagh, primate of all Ireland, the chief rabbi, the presbyterian moderator, the heads of the baptist, anabaptist, methodist and Moravian chapels and the honorary secretary of the society of friends. After them march the guilds and trades and trainbands with flying colours: coopers, bird fanciers, millwrights, newspaper canvassers, law scriveners, masseurs, vintners, trussmakers, chimneysweeps, lard refiners, tabinet and poplin weavers, farriers, Italian warehousemen, church decorators, bootjack manufacturers, undertakers, silk mercers, lapidaries, salesmasters, corkcutters, assessors of fire losses, dyers and cleaners, export bottlers, fellmongers, ticketwriters, heraldic seal engravers, horse repository hands, bullion brokers, cricket and archery outfitters, riddlemakers, egg and potato factors, hosiers and glovers, plumbing contractors. After them march gentlemen of the bedchamber, Black Rod, Deputy Garter, Gold Stick, the master of horse, the lord great chamberlain, the earl marshal, the high constable carrying the sword of state, saint Stephen's iron crown, the chalice and bible. Four buglers on foot blow a sennet. Beefeaters reply, winding clarions of welcome. Under an arch of triumph Bloom appears, bareheaded, in a crimson velvet mantle trimmed with ermine, bearing Saint Edward's staff the orb and sceptre with the dove, the curtana. He is seated on a milkwhite horse with long flowing crimson tail, richly caparisoned, with golden headstall. Wild excitement. The ladies from their balconies throw down rosepetals. The air is perfumed with essences. The men cheer. Bloom's boys run amid the bystanders with branches of hawthorn and wrenbushes.) A BLACKSMITH: (Murmurs) For the honour of God! And is that Bloom? He scarcely looks thirtyone. A PAVIOR AND FLAGGER: That's the famous Bloom now, the world's greatest reformer. Hats off! (All uncover their heads. Women whisper eagerly.) A MILLIONAIRESS: (Richly) Isn't he simply wonderful? A NOBLEWOMAN: (Nobly) All that man has seen! A FEMINIST: (Masculinely) And done! A BELLHANGER: A classic face! He has the forehead of a thinker. (Bloom's weather. A sunburst appears in the northwest.) THE BISHOP OF DOWN AND CONNOR: I here present your undoubted emperor-president and king-chairman, the most serene and potent and very puissant ruler of this realm. God save Leopold the First! ALL: God save Leopold the First! BLOOM: (In dalmatic and purple mantle, to the bishop of Down and Connor, with dignity) Thanks, somewhat eminent sir. WILLIAM, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (In purple stock and shovel hat) Will you to your power cause law and mercy to be executed in all your judgments in Ireland and territories thereunto belonging? BLOOM: (Placing his right hand on his testicles, swears) So may the Creator deal with me. All this I promise to do. MICHAEL, ARCHBISHOP OF ARMAGH: (Pours a cruse of hairoil over Bloom's head) Gaudium magnum annuntio vobis. Habemus carneficem. Leopold, Patrick, Andrew, David, George, be thou anointed! (Bloom assumes a mantle of cloth of gold and puts on a ruby ring. He ascends and stands on the stone of destiny. The representative peers put on at the same time their twentyeight crowns. Joybells ring in Christ church, Saint Patrick's, George's and gay Malahide. Mirus bazaar fireworks go up from all sides with symbolical phallopyrotechnic designs. The peers do homage, one by one, approaching and genuflecting.) THE PEERS: I do become your liege man of life and limb to earthly worship. (Bloom holds up his right hand on which sparkles the Koh-i-Noor diamond. His palfrey neighs. Immediate silence. Wireless intercontinental and interplanetary transmitters are set for reception of message.) BLOOM: My subjects! We hereby nominate our faithful charger Copula Felix hereditary Grand Vizier and announce that we have this day repudiated our former spouse and have bestowed our royal hand upon the princess Selene, the splendour of night. (The former morganatic spouse of Bloom is hastily removed in the Black Maria. The princess Selene, in moonblue robes, a silver crescent on her head, descends from a Sedan chair, borne by two giants. An outburst of cheering.) JOHN HOWARD PARNELL: (Raises the royal standard) Illustrious Bloom! Successor to my famous brother! BLOOM: (Embraces John Howard Parnell) We thank you from our heart, John, for this right royal welcome to green Erin, the promised land of our common ancestors. (The freedom of the city is presented to him embodied in a charter. The keys of Dublin, crossed on a crimson cushion, are given to him. He shows all that he is wearing green socks.) TOM KERNAN: You deserve it, your honour. BLOOM: On this day twenty years ago we overcame the hereditary enemy at Ladysmith. Our howitzers and camel swivel guns played on his lines with telling effect. Half a league onward! They charge! All is lost now! Do we yield? No! We drive them headlong! Lo! We charge! Deploying to the left our light horse swept across the heights of Plevna and, uttering their warcry Bonafide Sabaoth , sabred the Saracen gunners to a man. THE CHAPEL OF FREEMAN TYPESETTERS: Hear! Hear! JOHN WYSE NOLAN: There's the man that got away James Stephens. A BLUECOAT SCHOOLBOY: Bravo! AN OLD RESIDENT: You're a credit to your country, sir, that's what you are. AN APPLEWOMAN: He's a man like Ireland wants. BLOOM: My beloved subjects, a new era is about to dawn. I, Bloom, tell you verily it is even now at hand. Yea, on the word of a Bloom, ye shall ere long enter into the golden city which is to be, the new Bloomusalem in the Nova Hibernia of the future. (Thirtytwo workmen, wearing rosettes, from all the counties of Ireland, under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the new Bloomusalem. It is a colossal edifice with crystal roof, built in the shape of a huge pork kidney, containing forty thousand rooms. In the course of its extension several buildings and monuments are demolished. Government offices are temporarily transferred to railway sheds. Numerous houses are razed to the ground. The inhabitants are lodged in barrels and boxes, all marked in red with the letters: L. B. several paupers fill from a ladder. A part of the walls of Dublin, crowded with loyal sightseers, collapses.) THE SIGHTSEERS: (Dying) Morituri te salutant. (They die) (A man in a brown macintosh springs up through a trapdoor. He points an elongated finger at Bloom.) THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH: Don't you believe a word he says. That man is Leopold M'Intosh, the notorious fireraiser. His real name is Higgins. BLOOM: Shoot him! Dog of a christian! So much for M'Intosh! (A cannonshot. The man in the macintosh disappears. Bloom with his sceptre strikes down poppies. The instantaneous deaths of many powerful enemies, graziers, members of parliament, members of standing committees, are reported. Bloom's bodyguard distribute Maundy money, commemoration medals, loaves and fishes, temperance badges, expensive Henry Clay cigars, free cowbones for soup, rubber preservatives in sealed envelopes tied with gold thread, butter scotch, pineapple rock, billets doux in the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, porringers of toad in the hole, bottles of Jeyes' Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days' indulgences, spurious coins, dairyfed pork sausages, theatre passes, season tickets available for all tramlines, coupons of the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the World's Twelve Worst Books: Froggy And Fritz (politic), Care of the Baby (infantilic), 50 Meals for 7/6 (culinic), Was Jesus a Sun Myth? (historic), Expel that Pain (medic), Infant's Compendium of the Universe (cosmic), Let's All Chortle (hilaric), Canvasser's Vade Mecum (journalic), Loveletters of Mother Assistant (erotic), Who's Who in Space (astric), Songs that Reached Our Heart (melodic), Pennywise's Way to Wealth (parsimonic). A general rush and scramble. Women press forward to touch the hem of Bloom's robe. The Lady Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the throng, leaps on his horse and kisses him on both cheeks amid great acclamation. A magnesium flashlight photograph is taken. Babes and sucklings are held up.) THE WOMEN: Little father! Little father! (Bloom, bending down, pokes Baby Boardman gently in the stomach.) BABY BOARDMAN: (Hiccups, curdled milk flowing from his mouth) Hajajaja. BLOOM: (Shaking hands with a blind stripling) My more than Brother! (Placing his arms round the shoulders of an old couple) Dear old friends! (He plays pussy fourcorners with ragged boys and girls) Peep! Bopeep! (He wheels twins in a perambulator) Ticktacktwo wouldyousetashoe? (He performs juggler's tricks, draws red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet silk handkerchiefs from his mouth) Roygbiv. 32 feet per second. (He consoles a widow) Absence makes the heart grow younger. (He dances the Highland fling with grotesque antics) Leg it, ye devils! (He kisses the bedsores of a palsied veteran ) Honourable wounds! (He trips up a fit policeman) U. p: up. U. p: up. (He whispers in the ear of a blushing waitress and laughs kindly) Ah, naughty, naughty! (He eats a raw turnip offered him by Maurice Butterly, farmer) Fine! Splendid! (He refuses to accept three shillings offered him by Joseph Hynes, journalist) My dear fellow, not at all! (He gives his coat to a beggar) Please accept. (He takes part in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples) Come on, boys! Wriggle it, girls! THE CITIZEN: (Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his emerald muffler) May the good God bless him! (The rams' horns sound for silence. The standard of Zion is hoisted.) BLOOM: (Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and reads solemnly) Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith. (An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, assistant town clerk.) JIMMY HENRY: The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited. Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year I of the Paradisiacal Era. PADDY LEONARD: What am I to do about my rates and taxes? BLOOM: Pay them, my friend. PADDY LEONARD: Thank you. NOSEY FLYNN: Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance? BLOOM: (Obdurately) Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds. J. J. O'MOLLOY: A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O'Brien! NOSEY FLYNN: Where do I draw the five pounds? PISSER BURKE: For bladder trouble? CHRIS CALLINAN: What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran? BLOOM: Pleased to hear from you, Chris. K. II. JOE HYNES: Why aren't you in uniform? BLOOM: When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours? BEN DOLLARD: Pansies? BLOOM: Embellish (beautify) suburban gardens. BEN DOLLARD: When twins arrive? BLOOM: Father (pater, dad) starts thinking. LARRY O'ROURKE: An eightday licence for my new premises. You remember me, sir Leo, when you were in number seven. I'm sending around a dozen of stout for the missus. BLOOM: (Coldly) You have the advantage of me. Lady Bloom accepts no presents. CROFTON: This is indeed a festivity. BLOOM: (Solemnly) You call it a festivity. I call it a sacrament. ALEXANDER KEYES: When will we have our own house of keys? BLOOM: I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten commandments. New worlds for old. Union of all, jew, moslem and gentile. Three acres and a cow for all children of nature. Saloon motor hearses. Compulsory manual labour for all. All parks open to the public day and night. Electric dishscrubbers. Tuberculosis, lunacy, war and mendicancy must now cease. General amnesty, weekly carnival with masked licence, bonuses for all, esperanto the universal language with universal brotherhood. No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors. Free money, free rent, free love and a free lay church in a free lay state. O'MADDEN BURKE: Free fox in a free henroost. DAVY BYRNE: (Yawning) Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach! BLOOM: Mixed races and mixed marriage. LENEHAN: What about mixed bathing? (bloom explains to those near him his schemes for social regeneration. All agree with him. The keeper of the Kildare Street Museum appears, dragging a lorry on which are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses, Venus Callipyge, Venus Pandemos, Venus Metempsychosis, and plaster figures, also naked, representing the new nine muses, Commerce, Operatic Music, Amor, Publicity, Manufacture, Liberty of Speech, Plural Voting, Gastronomy, Private Hygiene, Seaside Concert Entertainments, Painless Obstetrics and Astronomy for the People.) FATHER FARLEY: He is an episcopalian, an agnostic, an anythingarian seeking to overthrow our holy faith. MRS RIORDAN: (Tears up her will) I'm disappointed in you! You bad man! MOTHER GROGAN: (Removes her boot to throw it at Bloom) You beast! You abominable person! NOSEY FLYNN: Give us a tune, Bloom. One of the old sweet songs. BLOOM: (With rollicking humour) HOPPY HOLOHAN: Good old Bloom! There's nobody like him after all. PADDY LEONARD: Stage Irishman! BLOOM: What railway opera is like a tramline in Gibraltar? The Rows of Casteele. (Laughter.) LENEHAN: Plagiarist! Down with Bloom! THE VEILED SIBYL: (Enthusiastically) I'm a Bloomite and I glory in it. I believe in him in spite of all. I'd give my life for him, the funniest man on earth. BLOOM: (Winks at the bystanders) I bet she's a bonny lassie. THEODORE PUREFOY: (In fishingcap and oilskin jacket) He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature. THE VEILED SIBYL: (Stabs herself) My hero god! (She dies) (Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, arsenic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting themselves under steamrollers, from the top of Nelson's Pillar, into the great vat of Guinness's brewery, asphyxiating themselves by placing their heads in gasovens, hanging themselves in stylish garters, leaping from windows of different storeys.) ALEXANDER J DOWIE: (Violently) Fellowchristians and antiBloomites, the man called Bloom is from the roots of hell, a disgrace to christian men. A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery, recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam. This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the white bull mentioned in the Apocalypse. A worshipper of the Scarlet Woman, intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils. The stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him. Caliban! THE MOB: Lynch him! Roast him! He's as bad as Parnell was. Mr Fox! (Mother Grogan throws her boot at Bloom. Several shopkeepers from upper and lower Dorset street throw objects of little or no commercial value, hambones, condensed milk tins, unsaleable cabbage, stale bread, sheep's tails, odd pieces of fat.) BLOOM: (Excitedly) This is midsummer madness, some ghastly joke again. By heaven, I am guiltless as the unsunned snow! It was my brother Henry. He is my double. He lives in number 2 Dolphin's Barn. Slander, the viper, has wrongfully accused me. Fellowcountrymen, sgenl inn ban bata coisde gan capall. I call on my old friend, Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to give medical testimony on my behalf. DR MULLIGAN: (In motor jerkin, green motorgoggles on his brow) Dr Bloom is bisexually abnormal. He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present, the consequence of unbridled lust. Traces of elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants. There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism. Ambidexterity is also latent. He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake, and has metal teeth. In consequence of a family complex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe him to be more sinned against than sinning. I have made a pervaginal examination and, after application of the acid test to 5427 anal, axillary, pectoral and pubic hairs, I declare him to be virgo intacta. (Bloom holds his high grade hat over his genital organs.) DR MADDEN: Hypsospadia is also marked. In the interest of coming generations I suggest that the parts affected should be preserved in spirits of wine in the national teratological museum. DR CROTTHERS: I have examined the patient's urine. It is albuminoid. Salivation is insufficient, the patellar reflex intermittent. DR PUNCH COSTELLO: The fetor judaicus is most perceptible. DR DIXON: (Reads a bill of health) Professor Bloom is a finished example of the new womanly man. His moral nature is simple and lovable. Many have found him a dear man, a dear person. He is a rather quaint fellow on the whole, coy though not feebleminded in the medical sense. He has written a really beautiful letter, a poem in itself, to the court missionary of the Reformed Priests' Protection Society which clears up everything. He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw litter and eats the most Spartan food, cold dried grocer's peas. He wears a hairshirt of pure Irish manufacture winter and summer and scourges himself every Saturday. He was, I understand, at one time a firstclass misdemeanant in Glencree reformatory. Another report states that he was a very posthumous child. I appeal for clemency in the name of the most sacred word our vocal organs have ever been called upon to speak. He is about to have a baby. (General commotion and compassion. Women faint. A wealthy American makes a street collection for Bloom. Gold and silver coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury bonds, maturing bills of exchange, I. O. U's, wedding rings, watchchains, lockets, necklaces and bracelets are rapidly collected.) BLOOM: O, I so want to be a mother. MRS THORNTON: (In nursetender's gown) Embrace me tight, dear. You'll be soon over it. Tight, dear. (Bloom embraces her tightly and bears eight male yellow and white children. They appear on a redcarpeted staircase adorned with expensive plants. All the octuplets are handsome, with valuable metallic faces, wellmade, respectably dressed and wellconducted, speaking five modern languages fluently and interested in various arts and sciences. Each has his name printed in legible letters on his shirtfront: Nasodoro, Goldfinger, Chrysostomos, Maindoree, Silversmile, Silberselber, Vifargent, Panargyros. They are immediately appointed to positions of high public trust in several different countries as managing directors of banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability companies, vicechairmen of hotel syndicates.) A VOICE: Bloom, are you the Messiah ben Joseph or ben David? BLOOM: (Darkly) You have said it. BROTHER BUZZ: Then perform a miracle like Father Charles. BANTAM LYONS: Prophesy who will win the Saint Leger. (Bloom walks on a net, covers his left eye with his left ear, passes through several walls, climbs Nelson's Pillar, hangs from the top ledge by his eyelids, eats twelve dozen oysters (shells included), heals several sufferers from king's evil, contracts his face so as to resemble many historical personages, Lord Beaconsfield, Lord Byron, Wat Tyler, Moses of Egypt, Moses Maimonides, Moses Mendelssohn, Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turns each foot simultaneously in different directions, bids the tide turn back, eclipses the sun by extending his little finger.) BRINI, PAPAL NUNCIO: (In papal zouave's uniform, steel cuirasses as breastplate, armplates, thighplates, legplates, large profane moustaches and brown paper mitre) Leopoldi autem generatio. Moses begat Noah and Noah begat Eunuch and Eunuch begat O'Halloran and O'Halloran begat Guggenheim and Guggenheim begat Agendath and Agendath begat Netaim and Netaim begat Le Hirsch and Le Hirsch begat Jesurum and Jesurum begat MacKay and MacKay begat Ostrolopsky and Ostrolopsky begat Smerdoz and Smerdoz begat Weiss and Weiss begat Schwarz and Schwarz begat Adrianopoli and Adrianopoli begat Aranjuez and Aranjuez begat Lewy Lawson and Lewy Lawson begat Ichabudonosor and Ichabudonosor begat O'Donnell Magnus and O'Donnell Magnus begat Christbaum and Christbaum begat ben Maimun and ben Maimun begat Dusty Rhodes and Dusty Rhodes begat Benamor and Benamor begat Jones-Smith and Jones-Smith begat Savorgnanovich and Savorgnanovich begat Jasperstone and Jasperstone begat Vingtetunieme and Vingtetunieme begat Szombathely and Szombathely begat Virag and Virag begat Bloom et vocabitur nomen eius Emmanuel. A DEADHAND: (Writes on the wall) Bloom is a cod. CRAB: (In bushranger's kit) What did you do in the cattlecreep behind Kilbarrack? A FEMALE INFANT: (Shakes a rattle) And under Ballybough bridge? A HOLLYBUSH: And in the devil's glen? BLOOM: (Blushes furiously all over from frons to nates, three tears filling from his left eye) Spare my past. THE IRISH EVICTED TENANTS: (In bodycoats, kneebreeches, with Donnybrook fair shillelaghs) Sjambok him! (Bloom with asses' ears seats himself in the pillory with crossed arms, his feet protruding. He whistles Don Giovanni, a cenar teco. Artane orphans, joining hands, caper round him. Girls of the Prison Gate Mission, joining hands, caper round in the opposite direction.) HORNBLOWER: (In ephod and huntingcap, announces) And he shall carry the sins of the people to Azazel, the spirit which is in the wilderness, and to Lilith, the nighthag. And they shall stone him and defile him, yea, all from Agendath Netaim and from Mizraim, the land of Ham. (All the people cast soft pantomime stones at Bloom. Many bonafide travellers and ownerless dogs come near him and defile him. Mastiansky and Citron approach in gaberdines, wearing long earlocks. They wag their beards at Bloom.) MASTIANSKY AND CITRON: Belial! Laemlein of Istria, the false Messiah! Abulafia! Recant! (George R Mesias, Bloom's tailor, appears, a tailor's goose under his arm, presenting a bill) MESIAS: To alteration one pair trousers eleven shillings. BLOOM: (Rubs his hands cheerfully) Just like old times. Poor Bloom! (Reuben J Dodd, blackbearded iscariot, bad shepherd, bearing on his shoulders the drowned corpse of his son, approaches the pillory.) REUBEN J: (Whispers hoarsely) The squeak is out. A split is gone for the flatties. Nip the first rattler. THE FIRE BRIGADE: Pflaap! BROTHER BUZZ: (Invests Bloom in a yellow habit with embroidery of painted flames and high pointed hat. He places a bag of gunpowder round his neck and hands him over to the civil power, saying) Forgive him his trespasses. (Lieutenant Myers of the Dublin Fire Brigade by general request sets fire to Bloom. Lamentations.) THE CITIZEN: Thank heaven! BLOOM: (In a seamless garment marked I. H. S. stands upright amid phoenix flames) Weep not for me, O daughters of Erin. (He exhibits to Dublin reporters traces of burning. The daughters of Erin, in black garments, with large prayerbooks and long lighted candles in their hands, kneel down and pray.) (A choir of six hundred voices, conducted by Vincent O'brien, sings the chorus from Handel's Messiah alleluia for the lord god omnipotent reigneth, accompanied on the organ by Joseph Glynn. Bloom becomes mute, shrunken, carbonised.) ZOE: Talk away till you're black in the face. BLOOM: (In caubeen with clay pipe stuck in the band, dusty brogues, an emigrant's red handkerchief bundle in his hand, leading a black bogoak pig by a sugaun, with a smile in his eye) Let me be going now, woman of the house, for by all the goats in Connemara I'm after having the father and mother of a bating. (With a tear in his eye) All insanity. Patriotism, sorrow for the dead, music, future of the race. To be or not to be. Life's dream is o'er. End it peacefully. They can live on. (He gazes far away mournfully) I am ruined. A few pastilles of aconite. The blinds drawn. A letter. Then lie back to rest. (He breathes softly) No more. I have lived. Fare. Farewell. ZOE: (Stiffly, her finger in her neckfillet) Honest? Till the next time. (She sneers) Suppose you got up the wrong side of the bed or came too quick with your best girl. O, I can read your thoughts! BLOOM: (Bitterly) Man and woman, love, what is it? A cork and bottle. I'm sick of it. Let everything rip. ZOE: (In sudden sulks) I hate a rotter that's insincere. Give a bleeding whore a chance. BLOOM: (Repentantly) I am very disagreeable. You are a necessary evil. Where are you from? London? ZOE: (Glibly) Hog's Norton where the pigs plays the organs. I'm Yorkshire born. (She holds his hand which is feeling for her nipple) I say, Tommy Tittlemouse. Stop that and begin worse. Have you cash for a short time? Ten shillings? BLOOM: (Smiles, nods slowly) More, houri, more. ZOE: And more's mother? (She pats him offhandedly with velvet paws) Are you coming into the musicroom to see our new pianola? Come and I'll peel off. BLOOM: (Feeling his occiput dubiously with the unparalleled embarrassment of a harassed pedlar gauging the symmetry of her peeled pears) Somebody would be dreadfully jealous if she knew. The greeneyed monster. (Earnestly) You know how difficult it is. I needn't tell you. ZOE: (Flattered) What the eye can't see the heart can't grieve for. (She pats him) Come. BLOOM: Laughing witch! The hand that rocks the cradle. ZOE: Babby! BLOOM: (In babylinen and pelisse, bigheaded, with a caul of dark hair, fixes big eyes on her fluid slip and counts its bronze buckles with a chubby finger, his moist tongue lolling and lisping) One two tlee: tlee tlwo tlone. THE BUCKLES: Love me. Love me not. Love me. ZOE: Silent means consent. (With little parted talons she captures his hand, her forefinger giving to his palm the passtouch of secret monitor, luring him to doom.) Hot hands cold gizzard. (He hesitates amid scents, music, temptations. She leads him towards the steps, drawing him by the odour of her armpits, the vice of her painted eyes, the rustle of her slip in whose sinuous folds lurks the lion reek of all the male brutes that have possessed her.) THE MALE BRUTES: (Exhaling sulphur of rut and dung and ramping in their loosebox, faintly roaring, their drugged heads swaying to and fro) Good! (Zoe and Bloom reach the doorway where two sister whores are seated. They examine him curiously from under their pencilled brows and smile to his hasty bow. He trips awkwardly.) ZOE: (Her lucky hand instantly saving him) Hoopsa! Don't fall upstairs. BLOOM: The just man falls seven times. (He stands aside at the threshold) After you is good manners. ZOE: Ladies first, gentlemen after. (She crosses the threshold. He hesitates. She turns and, holding out her hands, draws him over. He hops. On the antlered rack of the hall hang a man 's hat and waterproof. Bloom uncovers himself but, seeing them, frowns, then smiles, preoccupied. A door on the return landing is flung open. A man in purple shirt and grey trousers, brownsocked, passes with an ape's gait, his bald head and goatee beard upheld, hugging a full waterjugjar, his twotailed black braces dangling at heels. Averting his face quickly Bloom bends to examine on the halltable the spaniel eyes of a running fox: then, his lifted head sniffing, follows Zoe into the musicroom. A shade of mauve tissuepaper dims the light of the chandelier. Round and round a moth flies, colliding, escaping. The floor is covered with an oilcloth mosaic of jade and azure and cinnabar rhomboids. Footmarks are stamped over it in all senses, heel to heel, heel to hollow, toe to toe, feet locked, a morris of shuffling feet without body phantoms, all in a scrimmage higgledypiggledy. The walls are tapestried with a paper of yewfronds and clear glades. In the grate is spread a screen of peacock feathers. Lynch squats crosslegged on the hearthrug of matted hair, his cap back to the front. With a wand he beats time slowly. Kitty Ricketts, a bony pallid whore in navy costume, doeskin gloves rolled back from a coral wristlet, a chain purse in her hand, sits perched on the edge of the table swinging her leg and glancing at herself in the gilt mirror over the mantelpiece. A tag of her corsetlace hangs slightly below her jacket. Lynch indicates mockingly the couple at the piano.) KITTY: (Coughs behind her hand) She's a bit imbecillic. (She signs with a waggling forefinger) Blemblem. (Lynch lifts up her skirt and white petticoat with his wand she settles them down quickly.) Respect yourself. (She hiccups, then bends quickly her sailor hat under which her hair glows, red with henna) O, excuse! ZOE: More limelight, Charley. (She goes to the chandelier and turns the gas full cock) KITTY: (Peers at the gasjet) What ails it tonight? LYNCH: (Deeply) Enter a ghost and hobgoblins. ZOE: Clap on the back for Zoe. (The wand in Lynch's hand flashes: a brass poker. Stephen stands at the pianola on which sprawl his hat and ashplant. With two fingers he repeats once more the series of empty fifths. Florry Talbot, a blond feeble goosefat whore in a tatterdemalion gown of mildewed strawberry, lolls spreadeagle in the sofacorner, her limp forearm pendent over the bolster, listening. A heavy stye droops over her sleepy eyelid.) KITTY: (Hiccups again with a kick of her horsed foot) O, excuse! ZOE: (Promptly) Your boy's thinking of you. Tie a knot on your shift. (Kitty Ricketts bends her head. Her boa uncoils, slides, glides over her shoulder, back, arm, chair to the ground. Lynch lifts the curled caterpillar on his wand. She snakes her neck, nestling. Stephen glances behind at the squatted figure with its cap back to the front.) STEPHEN: As a matter of fact it is of no importance whether Benedetto Marcello found it or made it. The rite is the poet's rest. It may be an old hymn to Demeter or also illustrate Coela enarrant gloriam Domini. It is susceptible of nodes or modes as far apart as hyperphrygian and mixolydian and of texts so divergent as priests haihooping round David's that is Circe's or what am I saying Ceres' altar and David's tip from the stable to his chief bassoonist about the alrightness of his almightiness. Mais nom de nom, that is another pair of trousers. Jetez la gourme. Faut que jeunesse se passe. (He stops, points at Lynch's cap, smiles, laughs) Which side is your knowledge bump? THE CAP: (With saturnine spleen) Bah! It is because it is. Woman's reason. Jewgreek is greekjew. Extremes meet. Death is the highest form of life. Bah! STEPHEN: You remember fairly accurately all my errors, boasts, mistakes. How long shall I continue to close my eyes to disloyalty? Whetstone! THE CAP: Bah! STEPHEN: Here's another for you. (He frowns) The reason is because the fundamental and the dominant are separated by the greatest possible interval which... THE CAP: Which? Finish. You can't. STEPHEN: (With an effort) Interval which. Is the greatest possible ellipse. Consistent with. The ultimate return. The octave. Which. THE CAP: Which? (Outside the gramophone begins to blare The Holy City.) STEPHEN: (Abruptly) What went forth to the ends of the world to traverse not itself, God, the sun, Shakespeare, a commercial traveller, having itself traversed in reality itself becomes that self. Wait a moment. Wait a second. Damn that fellow's noise in the street. Self which it itself was ineluctably preconditioned to become. Ecco! LYNCH: (With a mocking whinny of laughter grins at Bloom and Zoe Higgins) What a learned speech, eh? ZOE: (Briskly) God help your head, he knows more than you have forgotten. (With obese stupidity Florry Talbot regards Stephen.) FLORRY: They say the last day is coming this summer. KITTY: No! ZOE: (Explodes in laughter) Great unjust God! FLORRY: (Offended) Well, it was in the papers about Antichrist. O, my foot's tickling. (Ragged barefoot newsboys, jogging a wagtail kite, patter past, yelling.) THE NEWSBOYS: Stop press edition. Result of the rockinghorse races. Sea serpent in the royal canal. Safe arrival of Antichrist. (Stephen turns and sees Bloom.) STEPHEN: A time, times and half a time. (Reuben I Antichrist, wandering jew, a clutching hand open on his spine, stumps forward. Across his loins is slung a pilgrim's wallet from which protrude promissory notes and dishonoured bills. Aloft over his shoulder he bears a long boatpole from the hook of which the sodden huddled mass of his only son, saved from Liffey waters, hangs from the slack of its breeches. A hobgoblin in the image of Punch Costello, hipshot, crookbacked, hydrocephalic, prognathic with receding forehead and Ally Sloper nose, tumbles in somersaults through the gathering darkness.) ALL: What? THE HOBGOBLIN: (His jaws chattering, capers to and fro, goggling his eyes, squeaking, kangaroohopping with outstretched clutching arms, then all at once thrusts his lipless face through the fork of his thighs) Il vient! C'est moi! L'homme qui rit! L'homme primigene! (He whirls round and round with dervish howls) Sieurs et dames, faites vos jeux! (He crouches juggling. Tiny roulette planets fly from his hands.) Les jeux sont faits! (The planets rush together, uttering crepitant cracks) Rien va plus! (The planets, buoyant balloons, sail swollen up and away. He springs off into vacuum.) FLORRY: (Sinking into torpor, crossing herself secretly) The end of the world! (A female tepid effluvium leaks out from her. Nebulous obscurity occupies space. Through the drifting fog without the gramophone blares over coughs and feetshuffling.) THE GRAMOPHONE: Jerusalem! Open your gates and sing Hosanna... (A rocket rushes up the sky and bursts. A white star fills from it, proclaiming the consummation of all things and second coming of Elijah. Along an infinite invisible tightrope taut from zenith to nadir the End of the World, a twoheaded octopus in gillie's kilts, busby and tartan filibegs, whirls through the murk, head over heels, in the form of the Three Legs of Man.) THE END OF THE WORLD: (with a Scotch accent) Wha'll dance the keel row, the keel row, the keel row? (Over the possing drift and choking breathcoughs, Elijah's voice, harsh as a corncrake's, jars on high. Perspiring in a loose lawn surplice with funnel sleeves he is seen, vergerfaced, above a rostrum about which the banner of old glory is draped. He thumps the parapet.) ELIJAH: No yapping, if you please, in this booth. Jake Crane, Creole Sue, Dove Campbell, Abe Kirschner, do your coughing with your mouths shut. Say, I am operating all this trunk line. Boys, do it now. God's time is 12.25. Tell mother you'll be there. Rush your order and you play a slick ace. Join on right here. Book through to eternity junction, the nonstop run. Just one word more. Are you a god or a doggone clod? If the second advent came to Coney Island are we ready? Florry Christ, Stephen Christ, Zoe Christ, Bloom Christ, Kitty Christ, Lynch Christ, it's up to you to sense that cosmic force. Have we cold feet about the cosmos? No. Be on the side of the angels. Be a prism. You have that something within, the higher self. You can rub shoulders with a Jesus, a Gautama, an Ingersoll. Are you all in this vibration? I say you are. You once nobble that, congregation, and a buck joyride to heaven becomes a back number. You got me? It's a lifebrightener, sure. The hottest stuff ever was. It's the whole pie with jam in. It's just the cutest snappiest line out. It is immense, supersumptuous. It restores. It vibrates. I know and I am some vibrator. Joking apart and, getting down to bedrock, A. J. Christ Dowie and the harmonial philosophy, have you got that? O. K. Seventyseven west sixtyninth street. Got me? That's it. You call me up by sunphone any old time. Bumboosers, save your stamps. (He shouts) Now then our glory song. All join heartily in the singing. Encore! (He sings) Jeru... THE GRAMOPHONE: (Drowning his voice) Whorusalaminyourhighhohhhh... (The disc rasps gratingly against the needle) THE THREE WHORES: (Covering their ears, squawk) Ahhkkk! ELIJAH: (In rolledup shirtsleeves, black in the face, shouts at the top of his voice, his arms uplifted) Big Brother up there, Mr President, you hear what I done just been saying to you. Certainly, I sort of believe strong in you, Mr President. I certainly am thinking now Miss Higgins and Miss Ricketts got religion way inside them. Certainly seems to me I don't never see no wusser scared female than the way you been, Miss Florry, just now as I done seed you. Mr President, you come long and help me save our sisters dear. (He winks at his audience) Our Mr President, he twig the whole lot and he aint saying nothing. KITTY-KATE: I forgot myself. In a weak moment I erred and did what I did on Constitution hill. I was confirmed by the bishop and enrolled in the brown scapular. My mother's sister married a Montmorency. It was a working plumber was my ruination when I was pure. ZOE-FANNY: I let him larrup it into me for the fun of it. FLORRY-TERESA: It was in consequence of a portwine beverage on top of Hennessy's three star. I was guilty with Whelan when he slipped into the bed. STEPHEN: In the beginning was the word, in the end the world without end. Blessed be the eight beatitudes. (The beatitudes, Dixon, Madden, Crotthers, Costello, Lenehan, Bannon, Mulligan and Lynch in white surgical students' gowns, four abreast, goosestepping, tramp fist past in noisy marching) THE BEATITUDES: (Incoherently) Beer beef battledog buybull businum barnum buggerum bishop. LYSTER: (In quakergrey kneebreeches and broadbrimmed hat, says discreetly) He is our friend. I need not mention names. Seek thou the light. (He corantos by. Best enters in hairdresser's attire, shinily laundered, his locks in curlpapers. He leads John Eglinton who wears a mandarin's kimono of Nankeen yellow, lizardlettered, and a high pagoda hat.) BEST: (Smiling, lifts the hat and displays a shaven poll from the crown of which bristles a pigtail toupee tied with an orange topknot) I was just beautifying him, don't you know. A thing of beauty, don't you know, Yeats says, or I mean, Keats says. JOHN EGLINTON: (Produces a greencapped dark lantern and flashes it towards a corner: with carping accent) Esthetics and cosmetics are for the boudoir. I am out for truth. Plain truth for a plain man. Tanderagee wants the facts and means to get them. (In the cone of the searchlight behind the coalscuttle, ollave, holyeyed, the bearded figure of Mananaun Maclir broods, chin on knees. He rises slowly. A cold seawind blows from his druid mouth. About his head writhe eels and elvers. He is encrusted with weeds and shells. His right hand holds a bicycle pump. His left hand grasps a huge crayfish by its two talons.) MANANAUN MACLIR: (With a voice of waves) Aum! Hek! Wal! Ak! Lub! Mor! Ma! White yoghin of the gods. Occult pimander of Hermes Trismegistos. (With a voice of whistling seawind) Punarjanam patsypunjaub! I won't have my leg pulled. It has been said by one: beware the left, the cult of Shakti. (With a cry of stormbirds) Shakti Shiva, darkhidden Father! (He smites with his bicycle pump the crayfish in his left hand. On its cooperative dial glow the twelve signs of the zodiac. He wails with the vehemence of the ocean.) Aum! Baum! Pyjaum! I am the light of the homestead! I am the dreamery creamery butter. (A skeleton judashand strangles the light. The green light wanes to mauve. The gasjet wails whistling.) THE GASJET: Pooah! Pfuiiiiiii! (Zoe runs to the chandelier and, crooking her leg, adjusts the mantle.) ZOE: Who has a fag as I'm here? LYNCH: (Tossing a cigarette on to the table) Here. ZOE: (Her head perched aside in mock pride) Is that the way to hand the pot to a lady? (She stretches up to light the cigarette over the flame, twirling it slowly, showing the brown tufts of her armpits. Lynch with his poker lifts boldly a side of her slip. Bare from her garters up her flesh appears under the sapphire a nixie's green. She puffs calmly at her cigarette.) Can you see the beautyspot of my behind? LYNCH: I'm not looking ZOE: (Makes sheep's eyes) No? You wouldn't do a less thing. Would you suck a lemon? (Squinting in mock shame she glances with sidelong meaning at Bloom, then twists round towards him, pulling her slip free of the poker. Blue fluid again flows over her flesh. Bloom stands, smiling desirously, twirling his thumbs. Kitty Ricketts licks her middle finger with her spittle and, gazing in the mirror, smooths both eyebrows. Lipoti Virag, basilicogrammate, chutes rapidly down through the chimneyflue and struts two steps to the left on gawky pink stilts. He is sausaged into several overcoats and wears a brown macintosh under which he holds a roll of parchment. In his left eye flashes the monocle of Cashel Boyle O'connor Fitzmaurice Tisdall Farrell. On his head is perched an Egyptian pshent. Two quills project over his ears.) VIRAG: (Heels together, bows) My name is Virag Lipoti, of Szombathely. (He coughs thoughtfully, drily) Promiscuous nakedness is much in evidence hereabouts, eh? Inadvertently her backview revealed the fact that she is not wearing those rather intimate garments of which you are a particular devotee. The injection mark on the thigh I hope you perceived? Good. BLOOM: Granpapachi. But... VIRAG: Number two on the other hand, she of the cherry rouge and coiffeuse white, whose hair owes not a little to our tribal elixir of gopherwood, is in walking costume and tightly staysed by her sit, I should opine. Backbone in front, so to say. Correct me but I always understood that the act so performed by skittish humans with glimpses of lingerie appealed to you in virtue of its exhibitionististicicity. In a word. Hippogriff. Am I right? BLOOM: She is rather lean. VIRAG: (Not unpleasantly) Absolutely! Well observed and those pannier pockets of the skirt and slightly pegtop effect are devised to suggest bunchiness of hip. A new purchase at some monster sale for which a gull has been mulcted. Meretricious finery to deceive the eye. Observe the attention to details of dustspecks. Never put on you tomorrow what you can wear today. Parallax! (With a nervous twitch of his head) Did you hear my brain go snap? Pollysyllabax! BLOOM: (An elbow resting in a hand, a forefinger against his cheek) She seems sad. VIRAG: (Cynically, his weasel teeth bared yellow, draws down his left eye with a finger and barks hoarsely) Hoax! Beware of the flapper and bogus mournful. Lily of the alley. All possess bachelor's button discovered by Rualdus Columbus. Tumble her. Columble her. Chameleon. (More genially) Well then, permit me to draw your attention to item number three. There is plenty of her visible to the naked eye. Observe the mass of oxygenated vegetable matter on her skull. What ho, she bumps! The ugly duckling of the party, longcasted and deep in keel. BLOOM: (Regretfully) When you come out without your gun. VIRAG: We can do you all brands, mild, medium and strong. Pay your money, take your choice. How happy could you be with either... BLOOM: With...? VIRAG: (His tongue upcurling) Lyum! Look. Her beam is broad. She is coated with quite a considerable layer of fat. Obviously mammal in weight of bosom you remark that she has in front well to the fore two protuberances of very respectable dimensions, inclined to fall in the noonday soupplate, while on her rere lower down are two additional protuberances, suggestive of potent rectum and tumescent for palpation, which leave nothing to be desired save compactness. Such fleshy parts are the product of careful nurture. When coopfattened their livers reach an elephantine size. Pellets of new bread with fennygreek and gumbenjamin swamped down by potions of green tea endow them during their brief existence with natural pincushions of quite colossal blubber. That suits your book, eh? Fleshhotpots of Egypt to hanker after. Wallow in it. Lycopodium. (His throat twitches) Slapbang! There he goes again. BLOOM: The stye I dislike. VIRAG: (Arches his eyebrows) Contact with a goldring, they say. Argumentum ad feminam , as we said in old Rome and ancient Greece in the consulship of Diplodocus and Ichthyosauros. For the rest Eve's sovereign remedy. Not for sale. Hire only. Huguenot. (He twitches) It is a funny sound. (He coughs encouragingly) But possibly it is only a wart. I presume you shall have remembered what I will have taught you on that head? Wheatenmeal with honey and nutmeg. BLOOM: (Reflecting) Wheatenmeal with lycopodium and syllabax. This searching ordeal. It has been an unusually fatiguing day, a chapter of accidents. Wait. I mean, wartsblood spreads warts, you said... VIRAG: (Severely, his nose hardhumped, his side eye winking) Stop twirling your thumbs and have a good old thunk. See, you have forgotten. Exercise your mnemotechnic. La causa è santa . Tara. Tara. (Aside) He will surely remember. BLOOM: Rosemary also did I understand you to say or willpower over parasitic tissues. Then nay no I have an inkling. The touch of a deadhand cures. Mnemo? VIRAG: (Excitedly) I say so. I say so. E'en so. Technic. (He taps his parchmentroll energetically) This book tells you how to act with all descriptive particulars. Consult index for agitated fear of aconite, melancholy of muriatic, priapic pulsatilla. Virag is going to talk about amputation. Our old friend caustic. They must be starved. Snip off with horsehair under the denned neck. But, to change the venue to the Bulgar and the Basque, have you made up your mind whether you like or dislike women in male habiliments? (With a dry snigger) You intended to devote an entire year to the study of the religious problem and the summer months of 1886 to square the circle and win that million. Pomegranate! From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. Pyjamas, let us say? Or stockingette gussetted knickers, closed? Or, put we the case, those complicated combinations, camiknickers? (He crows derisively) Keekeereekee! (Bloom surveys uncertainly the three whores then gazes at the veiled mauve light, hearing the everflying moth.) BLOOM: I wanted then to have now concluded. Nightdress was never. Hence this. But tomorrow is a new day will be. Past was is today. What now is will then morrow as now was be past yester. VIRAG: (Prompts in a pig's whisper) Insects of the day spend their brief existence in reiterated coition, lured by the smell of the inferiorly pulchritudinous fumale possessing extendified pudendal nerve in dorsal region. Pretty Poll! (His yellow parrotbeak gabbles nasally) They had a proverb in the Carpathians in or about the year five thousand five hundred and fifty of our era. One tablespoonful of honey will attract friend Bruin more than half a dozen barrels of first choice malt vinegar. Bear's buzz bothers bees. But of this apart. At another time we may resume. We were very pleased, we others. (He coughs and, bending his brow, rubs his nose thoughtfully with a scooping hand) You shall find that these night insects follow the light. An illusion for remember their complex unadjustable eye. For all these knotty points see the seventeenth book of my Fundamentals of Sexology or the Love Passion which Doctor L.B. says is the book sensation of the year. Some, to example, there are again whose movements are automatic. Perceive. That is his appropriate sun. Nightbird nightsun nighttown. Chase me, Charley! (He blows into bloom's ear) Buzz! BLOOM: Bee or bluebottle too other day butting shadow on wall dazed self then me wandered dazed down shirt good job I... VIRAG: (His face impassive, laughs in a rich feminine key) Splendid! Spanish fly in his fly or mustard plaster on his dibble. (He gobbles gluttonously with turkey wattles) Bubbly jock! Bubbly jock! Where are we? Open Sesame! Cometh forth! (He unrolls his parchment rapidly and reads, his glowworm's nose running backwards over the letters which he claws) Stay, good friend. I bring thee thy answer. Redbank oysters will shortly be upon us. I'm the best o'cook. Those succulent bivalves may help us and the truffles of Perigord, tubers dislodged through mister omnivorous porker, were unsurpassed in cases of nervous debility or viragitis. Though they stink yet they sting. (He wags his head with cackling raillery) Jocular. With my eyeglass in my ocular. (He sneezes) Amen! BLOOM: (Absently) Ocularly woman's bivalve case is worse. Always open sesame. The cloven sex. Why they fear vermin, creeping things. Yet Eve and the serpent contradicts. Not a historical fact. Obvious analogy to my idea. Serpents too are gluttons for woman's milk. Wind their way through miles of omnivorous forest to sucksucculent her breast dry. Like those bubblyjocular Roman matrons one reads of in Elephantuliasis. VIRAG: (His mouth projected in hard wrinkles, eyes stonily forlornly closed, psalms in outlandish monotone) That the cows with their those distended udders that they have been the the known... BLOOM: I am going to scream. I beg your pardon. Ah? So. (He repeats) Spontaneously to seek out the saurian's lair in order to entrust their teats to his avid suction. Ant milks aphis. (Profoundly) Instinct rules the world. In life. In death. VIRAG: (Head askew, arches his back and hunched wingshoulders, peers at the moth out of blear bulged eyes, points a horning claw and cries) Who's moth moth? Who's dear Gerald? Dear Ger, that you? O dear, he is Gerald. O, I much fear he shall be most badly burned. Will some pleashe pershon not now impediment so catastrophics mit agitation of firstclass tablenumpkin? (He mews) Puss puss puss puss! (He sighs, draws back and stares sideways down with dropping underjaw) Well, well. He doth rest anon. (He snaps his jaws suddenly on the air) (He rushes against the mauve shade, flapping noisily) Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty petticoats. (From left upper entrance with two gliding steps Henry Flower comes forward to left front centre. He wears a dark mantle and drooping plumed sombrero. He carries a silverstringed inlaid dulcimer and a longstemmed bamboo Jacob's pipe, its clay bowl fashioned as a female head. He wears dark velvet hose and silverbuckled pumps. He has the romantic Saviour's face with flowing locks, thin beard and moustache. His spindlelegs and sparrow feet are those of the tenor Mario, prince of Candia. He settles down his goffered ruffs and moistens his lips with a passage of his amorous tongue.) HENRY: (In a low dulcet voice, touching the strings of his guitar) There is a flower that bloometh. (Virag truculent, his jowl set, stares at the lamp. Grave Bloom regards Zoe's neck. Henry gallant turns with pendant dewlap to the piano.) STEPHEN: (To himself) Play with your eyes shut. Imitate pa. Filling my belly with husks of swine. Too much of this. I will arise and go to my. Expect this is the. Steve, thou art in a parlous way. Must visit old Deasy or telegraph. Our interview of this morning has left on me a deep impression. Though our ages. Will write fully tomorrow. I'm partially drunk, by the way. (He touches the keys again) Minor chord comes now. Yes. Not much however. (Almidano Artifoni holds out a batonroll of music with vigorous moustachework.) ARTIFONI: Ci rifletta. Lei rovina tutto. FLORRY: Sing us something. Love's old sweet song. STEPHEN: No voice. I am a most finished artist. Lynch, did I show you the letter about the lute? FLORRY: (Smirking) The bird that can sing and won't sing. (The Siamese twins, Philip Drunk and Philip Sober, two Oxford dons with lawnmowers, appear in the window embrasure. Both are masked with Matthew Arnold's face.) PHILIP SOBER: Take a fool's advice. All is not well. Work it out with the buttend of a pencil, like a good young idiot. Three pounds twelve you got, two notes, one sovereign, two crowns, if youth but knew. Mooney's en ville, Mooney's sur mer, the Moira, Larchet's, Holles street hospital, Burke's. Eh? I am watching you. PHILIP DRUNK: (Impatiently) Ah, bosh, man. Go to hell! I paid my way. If I could only find out about octaves. Reduplication of personality. Who was it told me his name? (His lawnmower begins to purr) Aha, yes. Zoe mou sas agapo . Have a notion I was here before. When was it not Atkinson his card I have somewhere. Mac Somebody. Unmack I have it. He told me about, hold on, Swinburne, was it, no? FLORRY: And the song? STEPHEN: Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. FLORRY: Are you out of Maynooth? You're like someone I knew once. STEPHEN: Out of it now. (To himself) Clever. PHILIP DRUNK AND PHILIP SOBER: (Their lawnmowers purring with a rigadoon of grasshalms) Clever ever. Out of it out of it. By the bye have you the book, the thing, the ashplant? Yes, there it, yes. Cleverever outofitnow. Keep in condition. Do like us. ZOE: There was a priest down here two nights ago to do his bit of business with his coat buttoned up. You needn't try to hide, I says to him. I know you've a Roman collar. VIRAG: Perfectly logical from his standpoint. Fall of man. (Harshly, his pupils waxing) To hell with the pope! Nothing new under the sun. I am the Virag who disclosed the Sex Secrets of Monks and Maidens. Why I left the church of Rome. Read the Priest, the Woman and the Confessional. Penrose. Flipperty Jippert. (He wriggles) Woman, undoing with sweet pudor her belt of rushrope, offers her allmoist yoni to man's lingam. Short time after man presents woman with pieces of jungle meat. Woman shows joy and covers herself with featherskins. Man loves her yoni fiercely with big lingam, the stiff one. (He cries) Coactus volui. Then giddy woman will run about. Strong man grapses woman's wrist. Woman squeals, bites, spucks. Man, now fierce angry, strikes woman's fat yadgana. (He chases his tail) Piffpaff! Popo! (He stops, sneezes) Pchp! (He worries his butt) Prrrrrht! LYNCH: I hope you gave the good father a penance. Nine glorias for shooting a bishop. ZOE: (Spouts walrus smoke through her nostrils) He couldn't get a connection. Only, you know, sensation. A dry rush. BLOOM: Poor man! ZOE: (Lightly) Only for what happened him. BLOOM: How? VIRAG: (A diabolic rictus of black luminosity contracting his visage, cranes his scraggy neck forward. He lifts a mooncalf nozzle and howls.) Verfluchte Goim! He had a father, forty fathers. He never existed. Pig God! He had two left feet. He was Judas Iacchia, a Libyan eunuch, the pope's bastard. (He leans out on tortured forepaws, elbows bent rigid, his eye agonising in his flat skullneck and yelps over the mute world) A son of a whore. Apocalypse. KITTY: And Mary Shortall that was in the lock with the pox she got from Jimmy Pidgeon in the blue caps had a child off him that couldn't swallow and was smothered with the convulsions in the mattress and we all subscribed for the funeral. PHILIP DRUNK: (Gravely) Qui vous a mis dans cette fichue position, Philippe? PHILIP SOBER: (Gaily) c'était le sacré pigeon, Philippe. (Kitty unpins her hat and sets it down calmly, patting her henna hair. And a prettier, a daintier head of winsome curls was never seen on a whore's shoulders. Lynch puts on her hat. She whips it off.) LYNCH: (Laughs) And to such delights has Metchnikoff inoculated anthropoid apes. FLORRY: (Nods) Locomotor ataxy. ZOE: (Gaily) O, my dictionary. LYNCH: Three wise virgins. VIRAG: (Agueshaken, profuse yellow spawn foaming over his bony epileptic lips) She sold lovephiltres, whitewax, orangeflower. Panther, the Roman centurion, polluted her with his genitories. (He sticks out a flickering phosphorescent scorpion tongue, his hand on his fork) Messiah! He burst her tympanum. (With gibbering baboon's cries he jerks his hips in the cynical spasm) Hik! Hek! Hak! Hok! Huk! Kok! Kuk! (Ben Jumbo Dollard, Rubicund, musclebound, hairynostrilled, hugebearded, cabbageeared, shaggychested, shockmaned, fat-papped, stands forth, his loins and genitals tightened into a pair of black bathing bagslops.) BEN DOLLARD: (Nakkering castanet bones in his huge padded paws, yodels jovially in base barreltone) When love absorbs my ardent soul. (The virgins Nurse Callan and Nurse Quigley burst through the ringkeepers and the ropes and mob him with open arms.) THE VIRGINS: (Gushingly) Big Ben! Ben my Chree! A VOICE: Hold that fellow with the bad breeches. BEN DOLLARD: (Smites his thigh in abundant laughter) Hold him now. HENRY: (Caressing on his breast a severed female head, murmurs) Thine heart, mine love. (He plucks his lutestrings) When first I saw... VIRAG: (Sloughing his skins, his multitudinous plumage moulting) Rats! (He yawns, showing a coalblack throat, and closes his jaws by an upward push of his parchmentroll) After having said which I took my departure. Farewell. Fare thee well. Dreck! (Henry Flower combs his moustache and beard rapidly with a pocketcomb and gives a cow's lick to his hair. Steered by his rapier, he glides to the door, his wild harp slung behind him. Virag reaches the door in two ungainly stilthops, his tail cocked, and deftly claps sideways on the wall a pusyellow flybill, butting it with his head.) THE FLYBILL: K. II. Post No Bills. Strictly confidential. Dr Hy Franks. HENRY: All is lost now. (Virag unscrews his head in a trice and holds it under his arm.) VIRAG'S HEAD: Quack! (Exeunt severally.) STEPHEN: (Over his shoulder to zoe) You would have preferred the fighting parson who founded the protestant error. But beware Antisthenes, the dog sage, and the last end of Arius Heresiarchus. The agony in the closet. LYNCH: All one and the same God to her. STEPHEN: (Devoutly) And sovereign Lord of all things. FLORRY: (To Stephen) I'm sure you're a spoiled priest. Or a monk. LYNCH: He is. A cardinal's son. STEPHEN: Cardinal sin. Monks of the screw. (His Eminence Simon Stephen Cardinal Dedalus, Primate of all Ireland, appears in the doorway, dressed in red soutane, sandals and socks. Seven dwarf simian acolytes, also in red, cardinal sins, uphold his train, peeping under it. He wears a battered silk hat sideways on his head. His thumbs are stuck in his armpits and his palms outspread. Round his neck hangs a rosary of corks ending on his breast in a corkscrew cross. Releasing his thumbs, he invokes grace from on high with large wave gestures and proclaims with bloated pomp:) (He looks at all for a moment, his right eye closed tight, his left cheek puffed out. Then, unable to repress his merriment, he rocks to and fro, arms akimbo, and sings with broad rollicking humour:) (A multitude of midges swarms white over his robe. He scratches himself with crossed arms at his ribs, grimacing, and exclaims:) I'm suffering the agony of the damned. By the hoky fiddle, thanks be to Jesus those funny little chaps are not unanimous. If they were they'd walk me off the face of the bloody globe. (His head aslant he blesses curtly with fore and middle fingers, imparts the Easter kiss and doubleshuffles off comically, swaying his hat from side to side, shrinking quickly to the size of his trainbearers. The dwarf acolytes, giggling, peeping, nudging, ogling, Easterkissing, zigzag behind him. His voice is heard mellow from afar, merciful male, melodious:) THE DOORHANDLE: Theeee! ZOE: The devil is in that door. (A male form passes down the creaking staircase and is heard taking the waterproof and hat from the rack. Bloom starts forward involuntarily and, half closing the door as he passes, takes the chocolate from his pocket and offers it nervously to Zoe.) ZOE: (Sniffs his hair briskly) Hmmm! Thank your mother for the rabbits. I'm very fond of what I like. BLOOM: (Hearing a male voice in talk with the whores on the doorstep, pricks his ears) If it were he? After? Or because not? Or the double event? ZOE: (Tears open the silverfoil) Fingers was made before forks. (She breaks off and nibbles a piece gives a piece to Kitty Ricketts and then turns kittenishly to Lynch) No objection to French lozenges? (He nods. She taunts him.) Have it now or wait till you get it? (He opens his mouth, his head cocked. She whirls the prize in left circle. His head follows. She whirls it back in right circle. He eyes her.) Catch! (She tosses a piece. With an adroit snap he catches it and bites it through with a crack.) KITTY: (Chewing) The engineer I was with at the bazaar does have lovely ones. Full of the best liqueurs. And the viceroy was there with his lady. The gas we had on the Toft's hobbyhorses. I'm giddy still. BLOOM: (In Svengali's fur overcoat, with folded arms and Napoleonic forelock, frowns in ventriloquial exorcism with piercing eagle glance towards the door. Then rigid with left foot advanced he makes a swift pass with impelling fingers and gives the sign of past master, drawing his right arm downwards from his left shoulder.) Go, go, go, I conjure you, whoever you are! (A male cough and tread are heard passing through the mist outside. Bloom's features relax. He places a hand in his waistcoat, posing calmly. Zoe offers him chocolate.) BLOOM: (Solemnly) Thanks. ZOE: Do as you're bid. Here! (A firm heelclacking tread is heard on the stairs.) BLOOM: (Takes the chocolate) Aphrodisiac? Tansy and pennyroyal. But I bought it. Vanilla calms or? Mnemo. Confused light confuses memory. Red influences lupus. Colours affect women's characters, any they have. This black makes me sad. Eat and be merry for tomorrow. (He eats) Influence taste too, mauve. But it is so long since I. Seems new. Aphro. That priest. Must come. Better late than never. Try truffles at Andrews. (The door opens. Bella Cohen, a massive whoremistress, enters. She is dressed in a threequarter ivory gown, fringed round the hem with tasselled selvedge, and cools herself flirting a black horn fan like Minnie Hauck in Carmen. On her left hand are wedding and keeper rings. Her eyes are deeply carboned. She has a sprouting moustache. Her olive face is heavy, slightly sweated and fullnosed with orangetainted nostrils. She has large pendant beryl eardrops.) BELLA: My word! I'm all of a mucksweat. (She glances round her at the couples. Then her eyes rest on Bloom with hard insistence. Her large fan winnows wind towards her heated faceneck and embonpoint. Her falcon eyes glitter.) THE FAN: (Flirting quickly, then slowly) Married, I see. BLOOM: Yes. Partly, I have mislaid... THE FAN: (Half opening, then closing) And the missus is master. Petticoat government. BLOOM: (Looks down with a sheepish grin) That is so. THE FAN: (Folding together, rests against her left eardrop) Have you forgotten me? BLOOM: Yes. Yo. THE FAN: (Folded akimbo against her waist) Is me her was you dreamed before? Was then she him you us since knew? Am all them and the same now we? (Bella approaches, gently tapping with the fan.) BLOOM: (Wincing) Powerful being. In my eyes read that slumber which women love. THE FAN: (Tapping) We have met. You are mine. It is fate. BLOOM: (Cowed) Exuberant female. Enormously I desiderate your domination. I am exhausted, abandoned, no more young. I stand, so to speak, with an unposted letter bearing the extra regulation fee before the too late box of the general postoffice of human life. The door and window open at a right angle cause a draught of thirtytwo feet per second according to the law of falling bodies. I have felt this instant a twinge of sciatica in my left glutear muscle. It runs in our family. Poor dear papa, a widower, was a regular barometer from it. He believed in animal heat. A skin of tabby lined his winter waistcoat. Near the end, remembering king David and the Sunamite, he shared his bed with Athos, faithful after death. A dog's spittle as you probably... (He winces) Ah! RICHIE GOULDING: (Bagweighted, passes the door) Mocking is catch. Best value in Dub. Fit for a prince's. Liver and kidney. THE FAN: (Tapping) All things end. Be mine. Now. BLOOM: (Undecided) All now? I should not have parted with my talisman. Rain, exposure at dewfall on the searocks, a peccadillo at my time of life. Every phenomenon has a natural cause. THE FAN: (Points downwards slowly) You may. BLOOM: (Looks downwards and perceives her unfastened bootlace) We are observed. THE FAN: (Points downwards quickly) You must. BLOOM: (With desire, with reluctance) I can make a true black knot. Learned when I served my time and worked the mail order line for Kellett's. Experienced hand. Every knot says a lot. Let me. In courtesy. I knelt once before today. Ah! (Bella raises her gown slightly and, steadying her pose, lifts to the edge of a chair a plump buskined hoof and a full pastern, silksocked. Bloom, stifflegged, aging, bends over her hoof and with gentle fingers draws out and in her laces.) BLOOM: (Murmurs lovingly) To be a shoefitter in Manfield's was my love's young dream, the darling joys of sweet buttonhooking, to lace up crisscrossed to kneelength the dressy kid footwear satinlined, so incredibly impossibly small, of Clyde Road ladies. Even their wax model Raymonde I visited daily to admire her cobweb hose and stick of rhubarb toe, as worn in Paris. THE HOOF: Smell my hot goathide. Feel my royal weight. BLOOM: (Crosslacing) Too tight? THE HOOF: If you bungle, Handy Andy, I'll kick your football for you. BLOOM: Not to lace the wrong eyelet as I did the night of the bazaar dance. Bad luck. Hook in wrong tache of her... person you mentioned. That night she met... Now! (He knots the lace. Bella places her foot on the floor. Bloom raises his head. Her heavy face, her eyes strike him in midbrow. His eyes grow dull, darker and pouched, his nose thickens.) BLOOM: (Mumbles) Awaiting your further orders we remain, gentlemen,... BELLO: (With a hard basilisk stare, in a baritone voice) Hound of dishonour! BLOOM: (Infatuated) Empress! BELLO: (His heavy cheekchops sagging) Adorer of the adulterous rump! BLOOM: (Plaintively) Hugeness! BELLO: Dungdevourer! BLOOM: (With sinews semiflexed) Magmagnificence! BELLO: Down! (He taps her on the shoulder with his fan) Incline feet forward! Slide left foot one pace back! You will fall. You are falling. On the hands down! BLOOM: (Her eyes upturned in the sign of admiration, closing, yaps) Truffles! (With a piercing epileptic cry she sinks on all fours, grunting, snuffling, rooting at his feet: then lies, shamming dead, with eyes shut tight, trembling eyelids, bowed upon the ground in the attitude of most excellent master.) BELLO: (With bobbed hair, purple gills, fit moustache rings round his shaven mouth, in mountaineer's puttees, green silverbuttoned coat, sport skirt and alpine hat with moorcock's feather, his hands stuck deep in his breeches pockets, places his heel on her neck and grinds it in) Footstool! Feel my entire weight. Bow, bondslave, before the throne of your despot's glorious heels so glistening in their proud erectness. BLOOM: (Enthralled, bleats) I promise never to disobey. BELLO: (Laughs loudly) Holy smoke! You little know what's in store for you. I'm the Tartar to settle your little lot and break you in! I'll bet Kentucky cocktails all round I shame it out of you, old son. Cheek me, I dare you. If you do tremble in anticipation of heel discipline to be inflicted in gym costume. (Bloom creeps under the sofa and peers out through the fringe.) ZOE: (Widening her slip to screen her) She's not here. BLOOM: (Closing her eyes) She's not here. FLORRY: (Hiding her with her gown) She didn't mean it, Mr Bello. She'll be good, sir. KITTY: Don't be too hard on her, Mr Bello. Sure you won't, ma'amsir. BELLO: (Coaxingly) Come, ducky dear, I want a word with you, darling, just to administer correction. Just a little heart to heart talk, sweety. (Bloom puts out her timid head) There's a good girly now. (Bello grabs her hair violently and drags her forward) I only want to correct you for your own good on a soft safe spot. How's that tender behind? O, ever so gently, pet. Begin to get ready. BLOOM: (Fainting) Don't tear my... BELLO: (Savagely) The nosering, the pliers, the bastinado, the hanging hook, the knout I'll make you kiss while the flutes play like the Nubian slave of old. You're in for it this time! I'll make you remember me for the balance of your natural life. (His forehead veins swollen, his face congested) I shall sit on your ottoman saddleback every morning after my thumping good breakfast of Matterson's fat hamrashers and a bottle of Guinness's porter. (He belches) And suck my thumping good Stock Exchange cigar while I read the Licensed Victualler's Gazette . Very possibly I shall have you slaughtered and skewered in my stables and enjoy a slice of you with crisp crackling from the baking tin basted and baked like sucking pig with rice and lemon or currant sauce. It will hurt you. (He twists her arm. Bloom squeals, turning turtle.) BLOOM: Don't be cruel, nurse! Don't! BELLO: (Twisting) Another! BLOOM: (Screams) O, it's hell itself! Every nerve in my body aches like mad! BELLO: (Shouts) Good, by the rumping jumping general! That's the best bit of news I heard these six weeks. Here, don't keep me waiting, damn you! (He slaps her face) BLOOM: (Whimpers) You're after hitting me. I'll tell... BELLO: Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him. ZOE: Yes. Walk on him! I will. FLORRY: I will. Don't be greedy. KITTY: No, me. Lend him to me. (The brothel cook, mrs keogh, wrinkled, greybearded, in a greasy bib, men's grey and green socks and brogues, floursmeared, a rollingpin stuck with raw pastry in her bare red arm and hand, appears at the door.) MRS KEOGH: (Ferociously) Can I help? (They hold and pinion Bloom.) BELLO: (Squats with a grunt on Bloom's upturned face, puffing cigarsmoke, nursing a fat leg) I see Keating Clay is elected vicechairman of the Richmond asylum and by the by Guinness's preference shares are at sixteen three quaffers. Curse me for a fool that didn't buy that lot Craig and Gardner told me about. Just my infernal luck, curse it. And that Goddamned outsider Throwaway at twenty to one. (He quenches his cigar angrily on Bloom's ear) Where's that Goddamned cursed ashtray? BLOOM: (Goaded, buttocksmothered) O! O! Monsters! Cruel one! BELLO: Ask for that every ten minutes. Beg. Pray for it as you never prayed before. (He thrusts out a figged fist and foul cigar) Here, kiss that. Both. Kiss. (He throws a leg astride and, pressing with horseman's knees, calls in a hard voice) Gee up! A cockhorse to Banbury cross. I'll ride him for the Eclipse stakes. (He bends sideways and squeezes his mount's testicles roughly, shouting) Ho! Off we pop! I'll nurse you in proper fashion. (He horserides cockhorse, leaping in the saddle) The lady goes a pace a pace and the coachman goes a trot a trot and the gentleman goes a gallop a gallop a gallop a gallop. FLORRY: (Pulls at Bello) Let me on him now. You had enough. I asked before you. ZOE: (Pulling at florry) Me. Me. Are you not finished with him yet, suckeress? BLOOM: (Stifling) Can't. BELLO: Well, I'm not. Wait. (He holds in his breath) Curse it. Here. This bung's about burst. (He uncorks himself behind: then, contorting his features, farts loudly) Take that! (He recorks himself) Yes, by Jingo, sixteen three quarters. BLOOM: (A sweat breaking out over him) Not man. (He sniffs) Woman. BELLO: (Stands up) No more blow hot and cold. What you longed for has come to pass. Henceforth you are unmanned and mine in earnest, a thing under the yoke. Now for your punishment frock. You will shed your male garments, you understand, Ruby Cohen? and don the shot silk luxuriously rustling over head and shoulders. And quickly too! BLOOM: (Shrinks) Silk, mistress said! O crinkly! scrapy! Must I tiptouch it with my nails? BELLO: (Points to his whores) As they are now so will you be, wigged, singed, perfumesprayed, ricepowdered, with smoothshaven armpits. Tape measurements will be taken next your skin. You will be laced with cruel force into vicelike corsets of soft dove coutille with whalebone busk to the diamondtrimmed pelvis, the absolute outside edge, while your figure, plumper than when at large, will be restrained in nettight frocks, pretty two ounce petticoats and fringes and things stamped, of course, with my houseflag, creations of lovely lingerie for Alice and nice scent for Alice. Alice will feel the pullpull. Martha and Mary will be a little chilly at first in such delicate thighcasing but the frilly flimsiness of lace round your bare knees will remind you... BLOOM: (A charming soubrette with dauby cheeks, mustard hair and large male hands and nose, leering mouth) I tried her things on only twice, a small prank, in Holles street. When we were hard up I washed them to save the laundry bill. My own shirts I turned. It was the purest thrift. BELLO: (Jeers) Little jobs that make mother pleased, eh? And showed off coquettishly in your domino at the mirror behind closedrawn blinds your unskirted thighs and hegoat's udders in various poses of surrender, eh? Ho! ho! I have to laugh! That secondhand black operatop shift and short trunkleg naughties all split up the stitches at her last rape that Mrs Miriam Dandrade sold you from the Shelbourne hotel, eh? BLOOM: Miriam. Black. Demimondaine. BELLO: (Guffaws) Christ Almighty it's too tickling, this! You were a nicelooking Miriam when you clipped off your backgate hairs and lay swooning in the thing across the bed as Mrs Dandrade about to be violated by lieutenant Smythe-Smythe, Mr Philip Augustus Blockwell M. P., signor Laci Daremo, the robust tenor, blueeyed Bert, the liftboy, Henri Fleury of Gordon Bennett fame, Sheridan, the quadroon Croesus, the varsity wetbob eight from old Trinity, Ponto, her splendid Newfoundland and Bobs, dowager duchess of Manorhamilton. (He guffaws again) Christ, wouldn't it make a Siamese cat laugh? BLOOM: (Her hands and features working) It was Gerald converted me to be a true corsetlover when I was female impersonator in the High School play Vice Versa . It was dear Gerald. He got that kink, fascinated by sister's stays. Now dearest Gerald uses pinky greasepaint and gilds his eyelids. Cult of the beautiful. BELLO: (With wicked glee) Beautiful! Give us a breather! When you took your seat with womanish care, lifting your billowy flounces, on the smoothworn throne. BLOOM: Science. To compare the various joys we each enjoy. (Earnestly) And really it's better the position... because often I used to wet... BELLO: (Sternly) No insubordination! The sawdust is there in the corner for you. I gave you strict instructions, didn't I? Do it standing, sir! I'll teach you to behave like a jinkleman! If I catch a trace on your swaddles. Aha! By the ass of the Dorans you'll find I'm a martinet. The sins of your past are rising against you. Many. Hundreds. THE SINS OF THE PAST: (In a medley of voices) He went through a form of clandestine marriage with at least one woman in the shadow of the Black church. Unspeakable messages he telephoned mentally to Miss Dunn at an address in D'Olier street while he presented himself indecently to the instrument in the callbox. By word and deed he frankly encouraged a nocturnal strumpet to deposit fecal and other matter in an unsanitary outhouse attached to empty premises. In five public conveniences he wrote pencilled messages offering his nuptial partner to all strongmembered males. And by the offensively smelling vitriol works did he not pass night after night by loving courting couples to see if and what and how much he could see? Did he not lie in bed, the gross boar, gloating over a nauseous fragment of wellused toilet paper presented to him by a nasty harlot, stimulated by gingerbread and a postal order? BELLO: (Whistles loudly) Say! What was the most revolting piece of obscenity in all your career of crime? Go the whole hog. Puke it out! Be candid for once. (Mute inhuman faces throng forward, leering, vanishing, gibbering, Booloohoom. Poldy Kock, Bootlaces a penny Cassidy's hag, blind stripling, Larry Rhinoceros, the girl, the woman, the whore, the other, the...) BLOOM: Don't ask me! Our mutual faith. Pleasants street. I only thought the half of the... I swear on my sacred oath... BELLO: (Peremptorily) Answer. Repugnant wretch! I insist on knowing. Tell me something to amuse me, smut or a bloody good ghoststory or a line of poetry, quick, quick, quick! Where? How? What time? With how many? I give you just three seconds. One! Two! Thr... BLOOM: (Docile, gurgles) I rererepugnosed in rerererepugnant BELLO: (Imperiously) O, get out, you skunk! Hold your tongue! Speak when you're spoken to. BLOOM: (Bows) Master! Mistress! Mantamer! (He lifts his arms. His bangle bracelets fill.) BELLO: (Satirically) By day you will souse and bat our smelling underclothes also when we ladies are unwell, and swab out our latrines with dress pinned up and a dishclout tied to your tail. Won't that be nice? (He places a ruby ring on her finger) And there now! With this ring I thee own. Say, thank you, mistress. BLOOM: Thank you, mistress. BELLO: You will make the beds, get my tub ready, empty the pisspots in the different rooms, including old Mrs Keogh's the cook's, a sandy one. Ay, and rinse the seven of them well, mind, or lap it up like champagne. Drink me piping hot. Hop! You will dance attendance or I'll lecture you on your misdeeds, Miss Ruby, and spank your bare bot right well, miss, with the hairbrush. You'll be taught the error of your ways. At night your wellcreamed braceletted hands will wear fortythreebutton gloves newpowdered with talc and having delicately scented fingertips. For such favours knights of old laid down their lives. (He chuckles) My boys will be no end charmed to see you so ladylike, the colonel, above all, when they come here the night before the wedding to fondle my new attraction in gilded heels. First I'll have a go at you myself. A man I know on the turf named Charles Alberta Marsh (I was in bed with him just now and another gentleman out of the Hanaper and Petty Bag office) is on the lookout for a maid of all work at a short knock. Swell the bust. Smile. Droop shoulders. What offers? (He points) For that lot. Trained by owner to fetch and carry, basket in mouth. (He bares his arm and plunges it elbowdeep in Bloom's vulva) There's fine depth for you! What, boys? That give you a hardon? (He shoves his arm in a bidder's face) Here wet the deck and wipe it round! A BIDDER: A florin. (Dillon's lacquey rings his handbell.) THE LACQUEY: Barang! A VOICE: One and eightpence too much. CHARLES ALBERTA MARSH: Must be virgin. Good breath. Clean. BELLO: (Gives a rap with his gavel) Two bar. Rockbottom figure and cheap at the price. Fourteen hands high. Touch and examine his points. Handle him. This downy skin, these soft muscles, this tender flesh. If I had only my gold piercer here! And quite easy to milk. Three newlaid gallons a day. A pure stockgetter, due to lay within the hour. His sire's milk record was a thousand gallons of whole milk in forty weeks. Whoa my jewel! Beg up! Whoa! (He brands his initial C on Bloom's croup) So! Warranted Cohen! What advance on two bob, gentlemen? A DARKVISAGED MAN: (In disguised accent) Hoondert punt sterlink. VOICES: (Subdued) For the Caliph. Haroun Al Raschid. BELLO: (Gaily) Right. Let them all come. The scanty, daringly short skirt, riding up at the knee to show a peep of white pantalette, is a potent weapon and transparent stockings, emeraldgartered, with the long straight seam trailing up beyond the knee, appeal to the better instincts of the blasé man about town. Learn the smooth mincing walk on four inch Louis Quinze heels, the Grecian bend with provoking croup, the thighs fluescent, knees modestly kissing. Bring all your powers of fascination to bear on them. Pander to their Gomorrahan vices. BLOOM: (Bends his blushing face into his armpit and simpers with forefinger in mouth) O, I know what you're hinting at now! BELLO: What else are you good for, an impotent thing like you? (He stoops and, peering, pokes with his fan rudely under the fat suet folds of Bloom's haunches) Up! Up! Manx cat! What have we here? Where's your curly teapot gone to or who docked it on you, cockyolly? Sing, birdy, sing. It's as limp as a boy of six's doing his pooly behind a cart. Buy a bucket or sell your pump. (Loudly) Can you do a man's job? BLOOM: Eccles street... BELLO: (Sarcastically) I wouldn't hurt your feelings for the world but there's a man of brawn in possession there. The tables are turned, my gay young fellow! He is something like a fullgrown outdoor man. Well for you, you muff, if you had that weapon with knobs and lumps and warts all over it. He shot his bolt, I can tell you! Foot to foot, knee to knee, belly to belly, bubs to breast! He's no eunuch. A shock of red hair he has sticking out of him behind like a furzebush! Wait for nine months, my lad! Holy ginger, it's kicking and coughing up and down in her guts already! That makes you wild, don't it? Touches the spot? (He spits in contempt) Spittoon! BLOOM: I was indecently treated, I... Inform the police. Hundred pounds. Unmentionable. I... BELLO: Would if you could, lame duck. A downpour we want not your drizzle. BLOOM: To drive me mad! Moll! I forgot! Forgive! Moll... We... Still... BELLO: (Ruthlessly) No, Leopold Bloom, all is changed by woman's will since you slept horizontal in Sleepy Hollow your night of twenty years. Return and see. (Old Sleepy Hollow calls over the wold.) SLEEPY HOLLOW: Rip van Wink! Rip van Winkle! BLOOM: (In tattered mocassins with a rusty fowlingpiece, tiptoeing, fingertipping, his haggard bony bearded face peering through the diamond panes, cries out) I see her! It's she! The first night at Mat Dillon's! But that dress, the green! And her hair is dyed gold and he... BELLO: (Laughs mockingly) That's your daughter, you owl, with a Mullingar student. (Milly Bloom, fairhaired, greenvested, slimsandalled, her blue scarf in the seawind simply swirling, breaks from the arms of her lover and calls, her young eyes wonderwide.) MILLY: My! It's Papli! But, O Papli, how old you've grown! BELLO: Changed, eh? Our whatnot, our writingtable where we never wrote, aunt Hegarty's armchair, our classic reprints of old masters. A man and his menfriends are living there in clover. The Cuckoos' Rest! Why not? How many women had you, eh, following them up dark streets, flatfoot, exciting them by your smothered grunts, what, you male prostitute? Blameless dames with parcels of groceries. Turn about. Sauce for the goose, my gander O. BLOOM: They... I... BELLO: (Cuttingly) Their heelmarks will stamp the Brusselette carpet you bought at Wren's auction. In their horseplay with Moll the romp to find the buck flea in her breeches they will deface the little statue you carried home in the rain for art for art' sake. They will violate the secrets of your bottom drawer. Pages will be torn from your handbook of astronomy to make them pipespills. And they will spit in your ten shilling brass fender from Hampton Leedom's. BLOOM: Ten and six. The act of low scoundrels. Let me go. I will return. I will prove... A VOICE: Swear! (Bloom clenches his fists and crawls forward, a bowieknife between his teeth.) BELLO: As a paying guest or a kept man? Too late. You have made your secondbest bed and others must lie in it. Your epitaph is written. You are down and out and don't you forget it, old bean. BLOOM: Justice! All Ireland versus one! Has nobody...? (He bites his thumb) BELLO: Die and be damned to you if you have any sense of decency or grace about you. I can give you a rare old wine that'll send you skipping to hell and back. Sign a will and leave us any coin you have! If you have none see you damn well get it, steal it, rob it! We'll bury you in our shrubbery jakes where you'll be dead and dirty with old Cuck Cohen, my stepnephew I married, the bloody old gouty procurator and sodomite with a crick in his neck, and my other ten or eleven husbands, whatever the buggers' names were, suffocated in the one cesspool. (He explodes in a loud phlegmy laugh) We'll manure you, Mr Flower! (He pipes scoffingly) Byby, Poldy! Byby, Papli! BLOOM: (Clasps his head) My willpower! Memory! I have sinned! I have suff... (He weeps tearlessly) BELLO: (Sneers) Crybabby! Crocodile tears! (Bloom, broken, closely veiled for the sacrifice, sobs, his face to the earth. The passing bell is heard. Darkshawled figures of the circumcised, in sackcloth and ashes, stand by the wailing wall. M. Shulomowitz, Joseph Goldwater, Moses Herzog, Harris Rosenberg, M. Moisel, J. Citron, Minnie Watchman, P. Mastiansky, The Reverend Leopold Abramovitz, Chazen. With swaying arms they wail in pneuma over the recreant Bloom.) THE CIRCUMCISED: (In dark guttural chant as they cast dead sea fruit upon him, no flowers) Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu Adonai Echad. VOICES: (Sighing) So he's gone. Ah yes. Yes, indeed. Bloom? Never heard of him. No? Queer kind of chap. There's the widow. That so? Ah, yes. (From the suttee pyre the flame of gum camphire ascends. The pall of incense smoke screens and disperses. Out of her oakframe a nymph with hair unbound, lightly clad in teabrown artcolours, descends from her grotto and passing under interlacing yews stands over Bloom.) THE YEWS: (Their leaves whispering) Sister. Our sister. Ssh! THE NYMPH: (Softly) Mortal! (Kindly) Nay, dost not weepest! BLOOM: (Crawls jellily forward under the boughs, streaked by sunlight, with dignity) This position. I felt it was expected of me. Force of habit. THE NYMPH: Mortal! You found me in evil company, highkickers, coster picnicmakers, pugilists, popular generals, immoral panto boys in fleshtights and the nifty shimmy dancers, La Aurora and Karini, musical act, the hit of the century. I was hidden in cheap pink paper that smelt of rock oil. I was surrounded by the stale smut of clubmen, stories to disturb callow youth, ads for transparencies, truedup dice and bustpads, proprietary articles and why wear a truss with testimonial from ruptured gentleman. Useful hints to the married. BLOOM: (Lifts a turtle head towards her lap) We have met before. On another star. THE NYMPH: (Sadly) Rubber goods. Neverrip brand as supplied to the aristocracy. Corsets for men. I cure fits or money refunded. Unsolicited testimonials for Professor Waldmann's wonderful chest exuber. My bust developed four inches in three weeks, reports Mrs Gus Rublin with photo. BLOOM: You mean Photo Bits? THE NYMPH: I do. You bore me away, framed me in oak and tinsel, set me above your marriage couch. Unseen, one summer eve, you kissed me in four places. And with loving pencil you shaded my eyes, my bosom and my shame. BLOOM: (Humbly kisses her long hair) Your classic curves, beautiful immortal, I was glad to look on you, to praise you, a thing of beauty, almost to pray. THE NYMPH: During dark nights I heard your praise. BLOOM: (Quickly) Yes, yes. You mean that I... Sleep reveals the worst side of everyone, children perhaps excepted. I know I fell out of bed or rather was pushed. Steel wine is said to cure snoring. For the rest there is that English invention, pamphlet of which I received some days ago, incorrectly addressed. It claims to afford a noiseless, inoffensive vent. (He sighs) 'Twas ever thus. Frailty, thy name is marriage. THE NYMPH: (Her fingers in her ears) And words. They are not in my dictionary. BLOOM: You understood them? THE YEWS: Ssh! THE NYMPH: (Covers her face with her hands) What have I not seen in that chamber? What must my eyes look down on? BLOOM: (Apologetically) I know. Soiled personal linen, wrong side up with care. The quoits are loose. From Gibraltar by long sea long ago. THE NYMPH: (Bends her head) Worse, worse! BLOOM: (Reflects precautiously) That antiquated commode. It wasn't her weight. She scaled just eleven stone nine. She put on nine pounds after weaning. It was a crack and want of glue. Eh? And that absurd orangekeyed utensil which has only one handle. (The sound of a waterfall is heard in bright cascade.) THE YEWS: (Mingling their boughs) Listen. Whisper. She is right, our sister. We grew by Poulaphouca waterfall. We gave shade on languorous summer days. JOHN WYSE NOLAN: (In the background, in Irish National Forester's uniform, doffs his plumed hat) Prosper! Give shade on languorous days, trees of Ireland! THE YEWS: (Murmuring) Who came to Poulaphouca with the High School excursion? Who left his nutquesting classmates to seek our shade? BLOOM: (Scared) High School of Poula? Mnemo? Not in full possession of faculties. Concussion. Run over by tram. THE ECHO: Sham! BLOOM: (Pigeonbreasted, bottleshouldered, padded, in nondescript juvenile grey and black striped suit, too small for him, white tennis shoes, bordered stockings with turnover tops and a red schoolcap with badge) I was in my teens, a growing boy. A little then sufficed, a jolting car, the mingling odours of the ladies' cloakroom and lavatory, the throng penned tight on the old Royal stairs (for they love crushes, instinct of the herd, and the dark sexsmelling theatre unbridles vice), even a pricelist of their hosiery. And then the heat. There were sunspots that summer. End of school. And tipsycake. Halcyon days. (Halcyon days, high school boys in blue and white football jerseys and shorts, Master Donald Turnbull, Master Abraham Chatterton, Master Owen Goldberg, Master Jack Meredith, Master Percy Apjohn, stand in a clearing of the trees and shout to Master Leopold Bloom.) THE HALCYON DAYS: Mackerel! Live us again. Hurray! (They cheer) BLOOM: (Hobbledehoy, warmgloved, mammamufflered, starred with spent snowballs, struggles to rise) Again! I feel sixteen! What a lark! Let's ring all the bells in Montague street. (He cheers feebly) Hurray for the High School! THE ECHO: Fool! THE YEWS: (Rustling) She is right, our sister. Whisper. (Whispered kisses are heard in all the wood. Faces of hamadryads peep out from the boles and among the leaves and break, blossoming into bloom.) Who profaned our silent shade? THE NYMPH: (Coyly, through parting fingers) There? In the open air? THE YEWS: (Sweeping downward) Sister, yes. And on our virgin sward. THE NYMPH: (With wide fingers) O, infamy! BLOOM: I was precocious. Youth. The fauna. I sacrificed to the god of the forest. The flowers that bloom in the spring. It was pairing time. Capillary attraction is a natural phenomenon. Lotty Clarke, flaxenhaired, I saw at her night toilette through illclosed curtains with poor papa's operaglasses: The wanton ate grass wildly. She rolled downhill at Rialto bridge to tempt me with her flow of animal spirits. She climbed their crooked tree and I... A saint couldn't resist it. The demon possessed me. Besides, who saw? (Staggering Bob, a whitepolled calf, thrusts a ruminating head with humid nostrils through the foliage.) STAGGERING BOB: (LARGE TEARDROPS ROLLING FROM HIS PROMINENT EYES, SNIVELS) Me. Me see. BLOOM: Simply satisfying a need I... (With pathos) No girl would when I went girling. Too ugly. They wouldn't play... (High on Ben Howth through rhododendrons a nannygoat passes, plumpuddered, buttytailed, dropping currants.) THE NANNYGOAT: (Bleats) Megeggaggegg! Nannannanny! BLOOM: (Hatless, flushed, covered with burrs of thistledown and gorsespine) Regularly engaged. Circumstances alter cases. (He gazes intently downwards on the water) Thirtytwo head over heels per second. Press nightmare. Giddy Elijah. Fall from cliff. Sad end of government printer's clerk. (Through silversilent summer air the dummy of Bloom, rolled in a mummy, rolls roteatingly from the Lion's Head cliff into the purple waiting waters.) THE DUMMYMUMMY: Bbbbblllllblblblblobschbg! (Far out in the bay between bailey and kish lights the Erin's King sails, sending a broadening plume of coalsmoke from her funnel towards the land.) COUNCILLOR NANNETII: (Alone on deck, in dark alpaca, yellowkitefaced, his hand in his waistcoat opening, declaims) When my country takes her place among the nations of the earth, then, and not till then, let my epitaph be written. I have... BLOOM: Done. Prff! THE NYMPH: (Loftily) We immortals, as you saw today, have not such a place and no hair there either. We are stonecold and pure. We eat electric light. (She arches her body in lascivious crispation, placing her forefinger in her mouth) Spoke to me. Heard from behind. How then could you...? BLOOM: (Pawing the heather abjectly) O, I have been a perfect pig. Enemas too I have administered. One third of a pint of quassia to which add a tablespoonful of rocksalt. Up the fundament. With Hamilton Long's syringe, the ladies' friend. THE NYMPH: In my presence. The powderpuff. (She blushes and makes a knee) And the rest! BLOOM: (Dejected) Yes. Peccavi! I have paid homage on that living altar where the back changes name. (With sudden fervour) For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, the hand that rules...? (Figures wind serpenting in slow woodland pattern around the treestems, cooeeing) THE VOICE OF KITTY: (In the thicket) Show us one of them cushions. THE VOICE OF FLORRY: Here. (A grouse wings clumsily through the underwood.) THE VOICE OF LYNCH: (In the thicket) Whew! Piping hot! THE VOICE OF ZOE: (From the thicket) Came from a hot place. THE VOICE OF VIRAG: (A birdchief, bluestreaked and feathered in war panoply with his assegai, striding through a crackling canebrake over beechmast and acorns) Hot! Hot! Ware Sitting Bull! BLOOM: It overpowers me. The warm impress of her warm form. Even to sit where a woman has sat, especially with divaricated thighs, as though to grant the last favours, most especially with previously well uplifted white sateen coatpans. So womanly, full. It fills me full. THE YEWS: Ssh! Sister, speak! THE NYMPH: (Eyeless, in nun's white habit, coif and hugewinged wimple, softly, with remote eyes) Tranquilla convent. Sister Agatha. Mount Carmel. The apparitions of Knock and Lourdes. No more desire. (She reclines her head, sighing) Only the ethereal. Where dreamy creamy gull waves o'er the waters dull. (Bloom half rises. His back trouserbutton snaps.) THE BUTTON: Bip! (Two sluts of the coombe dance rainily by, shawled, yelling flatly.) BLOOM: (Coldly) You have broken the spell. The last straw. If there were only ethereal where would you all be, postulants and novices? Shy but willing like an ass pissing. THE YEWS: (Their silverfoil of leaves precipitating, their skinny arms aging and swaying) Deciduously! THE NYMPH: (Her features hardening, gropes in the folds of her habit) Sacrilege! To attempt my virtue! (A large moist stain appears on her robe) Sully my innocence! You are not fit to touch the garment of a pure woman. (She clutches again in her robe) Wait. Satan, you'll sing no more lovesongs. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. (She draws a poniard and, clad in the sheathmail of an elected knight of nine, strikes at his loins) Nekum! BLOOM: (Starts up, seizes her hand) Hoy! Nebrakada! Cat o' nine lives! Fair play, madam. No pruningknife. The fox and the grapes, is it? What do you lack with your barbed wire? Crucifix not thick enough? (He clutches her veil) A holy abbot you want or Brophy, the lame gardener, or the spoutless statue of the watercarrier, or good mother Alphonsus, eh Reynard? THE NYMPH: (With a cry flees from him unveiled, her plaster cast cracking, a cloud of stench escaping from the cracks) Poli...! BLOOM: (Calls after her) As if you didn't get it on the double yourselves. No jerks and multiple mucosities all over you. I tried it. Your strength our weakness. What's our studfee? What will you pay on the nail? You fee mendancers on the Riviera, I read. (The fleeing nymph raises a keen) Eh? I have sixteen years of black slave labour behind me. And would a jury give me five shillings alimony tomorrow, eh? Fool someone else, not me. (He sniffs) Rut. Onions. Stale. Sulphur. Grease. (The figure of Bella Cohen stands before him.) BELLA: You'll know me the next time. BLOOM: (Composed, regards her) Passée. Mutton dressed as lamb. Long in the tooth and superfluous hair. A raw onion the last thing at night would benefit your complexion. And take some double chin drill. Your eyes are as vapid as the glasseyes of your stuffed fox. They have the dimensions of your other features, that's all. I'm not a triple screw propeller. BELLA: (Contemptuously) You're not game, in fact. (Her sowcunt barks) Fbhracht! BLOOM: (Contemptuously) Clean your nailless middle finger first, your bully's cold spunk is dripping from your cockscomb. Take a handful of hay and wipe yourself. BELLA: I know you, canvasser! Dead cod! BLOOM: I saw him, kipkeeper! Pox and gleet vendor! BELLA: (Turns to the piano) Which of you was playing the dead march from Saul? ZOE: Me. Mind your cornflowers. (She darts to the piano and bangs chords on it with crossed arms) The cat's ramble through the slag. (She glances back) Eh? Who's making love to my sweeties? (She darts back to the table) What's yours is mine and what's mine is my own. (Kitty, disconcerted, coats her teeth with the silver paper. Bloom approaches Zoe.) BLOOM: (Gently) Give me back that potato, will you? ZOE: Forfeits, a fine thing and a superfine thing. BLOOM: (With feeling) It is nothing, but still, a relic of poor mamma. BLOOM: There is a memory attached to it. I should like to have it. STEPHEN: To have or not to have that is the question. ZOE: Here. (She hauls up a reef of her slip, revealing her bare thigh, and unrolls the potato from the top of her stocking) Those that hides knows where to find. BELLA: (Frowns) Here. This isn't a musical peepshow. And don't you smash that piano. Who's paying here? (She goes to the pianola. Stephen fumbles in his pocket and, taking out a banknote by its corner, hands it to her.) STEPHEN: (With exaggerated politeness) This silken purse I made out of the sow's ear of the public. Madam, excuse me. If you allow me. (He indicates vaguely Lynch and Bloom) We are all in the same sweepstake, Kinch and Lynch. Dans ce bordel ou tenons nostre état . LYNCH: (Calls from the hearth) Dedalus! Give her your blessing for me. STEPHEN: (Hands Bella a coin) Gold. She has it. BELLA: (Looks at the money, then at Stephen, then at Zoe, Florry and Kitty) Do you want three girls? It's ten shillings here. STEPHEN: (Delightedly) A hundred thousand apologies. (He fumbles again and takes out and hands her two crowns) Permit, brevi manu , my sight is somewhat troubled. (Bella goes to the table to count the money while Stephen talks to himself in monosyllables. Zoe bends over the table. Kitty leans over Zoe's neck. Lynch gets up, rights his cap and, clasping Kitty's waist, adds his head to the group.) FLORRY: (Strives heavily to rise) Ow! My foot's asleep. (She limps over to the table. Bloom approaches.) BELLA, ZOE, KITTY, LYNCH, BLOOM: (Chattering and squabbling) The gentleman... ten shillings... paying for the three... allow me a moment... this gentleman pays separate... who's touching it?... ow! ... mind who you're pinching... are you staying the night or a short time?... who did?... you're a liar, excuse me... the gentleman paid down like a gentleman... drink... it's long after eleven. STEPHEN: (At the pianola, making a gesture of abhorrence) No bottles! What, eleven? A riddle! ZOE: (Lifting up her pettigown and folding a half sovereign into the top of her stocking) Hard earned on the flat of my back. LYNCH: (Lifting Kitty from the table) Come! KITTY: Wait. (She clutches the two crowns) FLORRY: And me? LYNCH: Hoopla! (He lifts her, carries her and bumps her down on the sofa.) BLOOM: (Quietly lays a half sovereign on the table between bella and florry) So. Allow me. (He takes up the poundnote) Three times ten. We're square. BELLA: (Admiringly) You're such a slyboots, old cocky. I could kiss you. ZOE: (Points) Him? Deep as a drawwell. (Lynch bends Kitty back over the sofa and kisses her. Bloom goes with the poundnote to Stephen.) BLOOM: This is yours. STEPHEN: How is that? Les distrait or absentminded beggar. (He fumbles again in his pocket and draws out a handful of coins. An object fills.) That fell. BLOOM: (Stooping, picks up and hands a box of matches) This. STEPHEN: Lucifer. Thanks. BLOOM: (Quietly) You had better hand over that cash to me to take care of. Why pay more? STEPHEN: (Hands him all his coins) Be just before you are generous. BLOOM: I will but is it wise? (He counts) One, seven, eleven, and five. Six. Eleven. I don't answer for what you may have lost. STEPHEN: Why striking eleven? Proparoxyton. Moment before the next Lessing says. Thirsty fox. (He laughs loudly) Burying his grandmother. Probably he killed her. BLOOM: That is one pound six and eleven. One pound seven, say. STEPHEN: Doesn't matter a rambling damn. BLOOM: No, but... STEPHEN: (Comes to the table) Cigarette, please. (Lynch tosses a cigarette from the sofa to the table) And so Georgina Johnson is dead and married. (A cigarette appears on the table. Stephen looks at it) Wonder. Parlour magic. Married. Hm. (He strikes a match and proceeds to light the cigarette with enigmatic melancholy) LYNCH: (Watching him) You would have a better chance of lighting it if you held the match nearer. STEPHEN: (Brings the match near his eye) Lynx eye. Must get glasses. Broke them yesterday. Sixteen years ago. Distance. The eye sees all flat. (He draws the match away. It goes out.) Brain thinks. Near: far. Ineluctable modality of the visible. (He frowns mysteriously) Hm. Sphinx. The beast that has twobacks at midnight. Married. ZOE: It was a commercial traveller married her and took her away with him. FLORRY: (Nods) Mr Lambe from London. STEPHEN: Lamb of London, who takest away the sins of our world. LYNCH: (Embracing Kitty on the sofa, chants deeply) Dona nobis pacem. (The cigarette slips from Stephen 's fingers. Bloom picks it up and throws it in the grate.) BLOOM: Don't smoke. You ought to eat. Cursed dog I met. (To Zoe) You have nothing? ZOE: Is he hungry? STEPHEN: (Extends his hand to her smiling and chants to the air of the bloodoath in the Dusk of the Gods) ZOE: (Tragically) Hamlet, I am thy father's gimlet! (She takes his hand) Blue eyes beauty I'll read your hand. (She points to his forehead) No wit, no wrinkles. (She counts) Two, three, Mars, that's courage. (Stephen shakes his head) No kid. LYNCH: Sheet lightning courage. The youth who could not shiver and shake. (To Zoe) Who taught you palmistry? ZOE: (Turns) Ask my ballocks that I haven't got. (To Stephen) I see it in your face. The eye, like that. (She frowns with lowered head) LYNCH: (Laughing, slaps Kitty behind twice) Like that. Pandybat. (Twice loudly a pandybat cracks, the coffin of the pianola flies open, the bald little round jack-in-the-box head of Father Dolan springs up.) FATHER DOLAN: Any boy want flogging? Broke his glasses? Lazy idle little schemer. See it in your eye. (Mild, benign, rectorial, reproving, the head of Don John Conmee rises from the pianola coffin.) DON JOHN CONMEE: Now, Father Dolan! Now. I'm sure that Stephen is a very good little boy! ZOE: (Examining Stephen's palm) Woman's hand. STEPHEN: (Murmurs) Continue. Lie. Hold me. Caress. I never could read His handwriting except His criminal thumbprint on the haddock. ZOE: What day were you born? STEPHEN: Thursday. Today. ZOE: Thursday's child has far to go. (She traces lines on his hand) Line of fate. Influential friends. FLORRY: (Pointing) Imagination. ZOE: Mount of the moon. You'll meet with a... (She peers at his hands abruptly) I won't tell you what's not good for you. Or do you want to know? BLOOM: (Detaches her fingers and offers his palm) More harm than good. Here. Read mine. BELLA: Show. (She turns up bloom's hand) I thought so. Knobby knuckles for the women. ZOE: (Peering at bloom's palm) Gridiron. Travels beyond the sea and marry money. BLOOM: Wrong. ZOE: (Quickly) O, I see. Short little finger. Henpecked husband. That wrong? (Black Liz, a huge rooster hatching in a chalked circle, rises, stretches her wings and clucks.) BLACK LIZ: Gara. Klook. Klook. Klook. (She sidles from her newlaid egg and waddles off) BLOOM: (Points to his hand) That weal there is an accident. Fell and cut it twentytwo years ago. I was sixteen. ZOE: I see, says the blind man. Tell us news. STEPHEN: See? Moves to one great goal. I am twentytwo. Sixteen years ago he was twentytwo too. Sixteen years ago I twentytwo tumbled. Twentytwo years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorse. (He winces) Hurt my hand somewhere. Must see a dentist. Money? (Zoe whispers to Florry. They giggle. Bloom releases his hand and writes idly on the table in backhand, pencilling slow curves.) FLORRY: What? (A hackneycar, number three hundred and twentyfour, with a gallantbuttocked mare, driven by James Barton, Harmony Avenue, Donnybrook, trots past. Blazes Boylan and Lenehan sprawl swaying on the sideseats. The Ormond boots crouches behind on the axle. Sadly over the crossblind Lydia Douce and Mina Kennedy gaze.) THE BOOTS: (Jogging, mocks them with thumb and wriggling wormfingers) Haw haw have you the horn? (Bronze by gold they whisper.) ZOE: (To Florry) Whisper. (They whisper again) (Over the well of the car Blazes Boylan leans, his boater straw set sideways, a red flower in his mouth. Lenehan in yachtsman's cap and white shoes officiously detaches a long hair from Blazes Boylan's coat shoulder.) LENEHAN: Ho! What do I here behold? Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few quims? BOYLAN: (Seated, smiles) Plucking a turkey. LENEHAN: A good night's work. BOYLAN: (Holding up four thick bluntungulated fingers, winks) Blazes Kate! Up to sample or your money back. (He holds out a forefinger) Smell that. LENEHAN: (Smells gleefully) Ah! Lobster and mayonnaise. Ah! ZOE AND FLORRY: (Laugh together) Ha ha ha ha. BOYLAN: (Jumps surely from the car and calls loudly for all to hear) Hello, Bloom! Mrs Bloom dressed yet? BLOOM: (In flunkey's prune plush coat and kneebreeches, buff stockings and powdered wig) I'm afraid not, sir. The last articles... BOYLAN: (Tosses him sixpence) Here, to buy yourself a gin and splash. (He hangs his hat smartly on a peg of Bloom's antlered head) Show me in. I have a little private business with your wife, you understand? BLOOM: Thank you, sir. Yes, sir. Madam Tweedy is in her bath, sir. MARION: He ought to feel himself highly honoured. (She plops splashing out of the water) Raoul darling, come and dry me. I'm in my pelt. Only my new hat and a carriage sponge. BOYLAN: (A merry twinkle in his eye) Topping! BELLA: What? What is it? (Zoe whispers to her.) MARION: Let him look, the pishogue! Pimp! And scourge himself! I'll write to a powerful prostitute or Bartholomona, the bearded woman, to raise weals out on him an inch thick and make him bring me back a signed and stamped receipt. BOYLAN: (clasps himself) Here, I can't hold this little lot much longer. (he strides off on stiff cavalry legs) BELLA: (Laughing) Ho ho ho ho. BOYLAN: (To Bloom, over his shoulder) You can apply your eye to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few times. BLOOM: Thank you, sir. I will, sir. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot? (He holds out an ointment jar) Vaseline, sir? Orangeflower...? Lukewarm water...? KITTY: (From the sofa) Tell us, Florry. Tell us. What. (Florry whispers to her. Whispering lovewords murmur, liplapping loudly, poppysmic plopslop.) MINA KENNEDY: (Her eyes upturned) O, it must be like the scent of geraniums and lovely peaches! O, he simply idolises every bit of her! Stuck together! Covered with kisses! LYDIA DOUCE: (Her mouth opening) Yumyum. O, he's carrying her round the room doing it! Ride a cockhorse. You could hear them in Paris and New York. Like mouthfuls of strawberries and cream. KITTY: (Laughing) Hee hee hee. BOYLAN'S VOICE: (Sweetly, hoarsely, in the pit of his stomach) Ah! Gooblazqruk brukarchkrasht! MARION'S VOICE: (Hoarsely, sweetly, rising to her throat) O! Weeshwashtkissinapooisthnapoohuck? BLOOM: (His eyes wildly dilated, clasps himself) Show! Hide! Show! Plough her! More! Shoot! BELLA, ZOE, FLORRY, KITTY: Ho ho! Ha ha! Hee hee! LYNCH: (Points) The mirror up to nature. (He laughs) Hu hu hu hu hu! (Stephen and Bloom gaze in the mirror. The face of William Shakespeare, beardless, appears there, rigid in facial paralysis, crowned by the reflection of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the hall.) SHAKESPEARE: (In dignified ventriloquy) 'Tis the loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind. (To Bloom) Thou thoughtest as how thou wastest invisible. Gaze. (He crows with a black capon's laugh) Iagogo! How my Oldfellow chokit his Thursdaymornun. Iagogogo! BLOOM: (Smiles yellowly at the three whores) When will I hear the joke? ZOE: Before you're twice married and once a widower. BLOOM: Lapses are condoned. Even the great Napoleon when measurements were taken next the skin after his death... (Mrs Dignam, widow woman, her snubnose and cheeks flushed with deathtalk, tears and Tunney's tawny sherry, hurries by in her weeds, her bonnet awry, rouging and powdering her cheeks, lips and nose, a pen chivvying her brood of cygnets. Beneath her skirt appear her late husband's everyday trousers and turnedup boots, large eights. She holds a Scottish widows' insurance policy and a large marquee umbrella under which her brood run with her, Patsy hopping on one shod foot, his collar loose, a hank of porksteaks dangling, freddy whimpering, Susy with a crying cod's mouth, Alice struggling with the baby. She cuffs them on, her streamers flaunting aloft.) FREDDY: Ah, ma, you're dragging me along! SUSY: Mamma, the beeftea is fizzing over! SHAKESPEARE: (With paralytic rage) Weda seca whokilla farst. (The face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, refeatures Shakespeare's beardless face. The marquee umbrella sways drunkenly, the children run aside. Under the umbrella appears Mrs Cunningham in Merry Widow hat and kimono gown. She glides sidling and bowing, twirling japanesily.) MRS CUNNINGHAM: (Sings) And they call me the jewel of Asia! MARTIN CUNNINGHAM: (Gazes on her, impassive) Immense! Most bloody awful demirep! STEPHEN: Et exaltabuntur cornua iusti. Queens lay with prize bulls. Remember Pasiphae for whose lust my grandoldgrossfather made the first confessionbox. Forget not Madam Grissel Steevens nor the suine scions of the house of Lambert. And Noah was drunk with wine. And his ark was open. BELLA: None of that here. Come to the wrong shop. LYNCH: Let him alone. He's back from Paris. ZOE: (Runs to stephen and links him) O go on! Give us some parleyvoo. (Stephen claps hat on head and leaps over to the fireplace where he stands with shrugged shoulders, finny hands outspread, a painted smile on his face.) LYNCH: (Oommelling on the sofa) Rmm Rmm Rmm Rrrrrrmmmm. STEPHEN: (Gabbles with marionette jerks) Thousand places of entertainment to expense your evenings with lovely ladies saling gloves and other things perhaps hers heart beerchops perfect fashionable house very eccentric where lots cocottes beautiful dressed much about princesses like are dancing cancan and walking there parisian clowneries extra foolish for bachelors foreigns the same if talking a poor english how much smart they are on things love and sensations voluptuous. Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night. Perfectly shocking terrific of religion's things mockery seen in universal world. All chic womans which arrive full of modesty then disrobe and squeal loud to see vampire man debauch nun very fresh young with dessous troublants . (He clacks his tongue loudly) Ho, la la! Ce pif qu'il a! LYNCH: Vive le vampire! THE WHORES: Bravo! Parleyvoo! STEPHEN: (Grimacing with head back, laughs loudly, clapping himself) Great success of laughing. Angels much prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians. Demimondaines nicely handsome sparkling of diamonds very amiable costumed. Or do you are fond better what belongs they moderns pleasure turpitude of old mans? (He points about him with grotesque gestures which Lynch and the whores reply to) Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or lifesize tompeeptom of virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss five ten times. Enter, gentleman, to see in mirror every positions trapezes all that machine there besides also if desire act awfully bestial butcher's boy pollutes in warm veal liver or omlet on the belly pièce de Shakespeare. BELLA: (Clapping her belly sinks back on the sofa, with a shout of laughter) An omelette on the... Ho! ho! ho! ho!... omelette on the... STEPHEN: (Mincingly) I love you, sir darling. Speak you englishman tongue for double entente cordiale. O yes, mon loup . How much cost? Waterloo. Watercloset. (He ceases suddenly and holds up a forefinger) BELLA: (Laughing) Omelette... THE WHORES: (Laughing) Encore! Encore! STEPHEN: Mark me. I dreamt of a watermelon. ZOE: Go abroad and love a foreign lady. LYNCH: Across the world for a wife. FLORRY: Dreams goes by contraries. STEPHEN: (Extends his arms) It was here. Street of harlots. In Serpentine avenue Beelzebub showed me her, a fubsy widow. Where's the red carpet spread? BLOOM: (Approaching Stephen) Look... STEPHEN: No, I flew. My foes beneath me. And ever shall be. World without end. (He cries) P ater! Free! BLOOM: I say, look... STEPHEN: Break my spirit, will he? O merde alors! (He cries, his vulture talons sharpened) Hola! Hillyho! (Simon Dedalus' voice hilloes in answer, somewhat sleepy but ready.) SIMON: That's all right. (He swoops uncertainly through the air, wheeling, uttering cries of heartening, on strong ponderous buzzard wings) Ho, boy! Are you going to win? Hoop! Pschatt! Stable with those halfcastes. Wouldn't let them within the bawl of an ass. Head up! Keep our flag flying! An eagle gules volant in a field argent displayed. Ulster king at arms! Haihoop! (He makes the beagle's call, giving tongue) Bulbul! Burblblburblbl! Hai, boy! (The fronds and spaces of the wallpaper file rapidly across country. A stout fox, drawn from covert, brush pointed, having buried his grandmother, runs swift for the open, brighteyed, seeking badger earth, under the leaves. The pack of staghounds follows, nose to the ground, sniffing their quarry, beaglebaying, burblbrbling to be blooded. Ward Union huntsmen and huntswomen live with them, hot for a kill. From Six Mile Point, Flathouse, Nine Mile Stone follow the footpeople with knotty sticks, hayforks, salmongaffs, lassos, flockmasters with stockwhips, bearbaiters with tomtoms, toreadors with bullswords, greynegroes waving torches. The crowd bawls of dicers, crown and anchor players, thimbleriggers, broadsmen. Crows and touts, hoarse bookies in high wizard hats clamour deafeningly.) (A dark horse, riderless, bolts like a phantom past the winningpost, his mane moonfoaming, his eyeballs stars. The field follows, a bunch of bucking mounts. Skeleton horses, Sceptre, Maximum the Second, Zinfandel, the Duke of Westminster's Shotover, Repulse, the Duke of Beaufort's Ceylon, prix de Paris. Dwarfs ride them, rustyarmoured, leaping, leaping in their, in their saddles. Last in a drizzle of rain on a brokenwinded isabelle nag, Cock of the North, the favourite, honey cap, green jacket, orange sleeves, Garrett Deasy up, gripping the reins, a hockeystick at the ready. His nag on spavined whitegaitered feet jogs along the rocky road.) THE ORANGE LODGES: (Jeering) Get down and push, mister. Last lap! You'll be home the night! GARRETT DEASY: (Bolt upright, his nailscraped face plastered with postagestamps, brandishes his hockeystick, his blue eyes flashing in the prism of the chandelier as his mount lopes by at schooling gallop) Per vias rectas! (A yoke of buckets leopards all over him and his rearing nag a torrent of mutton broth with dancing coins of carrots, barley, onions, turnips, potatoes.) THE GREEN LODGES: Soft day, sir John! Soft day, your honour! (Private Carr, Private Compton and Cissy Caffrey pass beneath the windows, singing in discord.) STEPHEN: Hark! Our friend noise in the street. ZOE: (Holds up her hand) Stop! Yet I've a sort a Yorkshire relish for... ZOE: That's me. (She claps her hands) Dance! Dance! (She runs to the pianola) Who has twopence? BLOOM: Who'll...? LYNCH: (Handing her coins) Here. STEPHEN: (Cracking his fingers impatiently) Quick! Quick! Where's my augur's rod? (He runs to the piano and takes his ashplant, beating his foot in tripudium) ZOE: (Turns the drumhandle) There. (She drops two pennies in the slot. Gold, pink and violet lights start forth. The drum turns purring in low hesitation waltz. Professor Goodwin, in a bowknotted periwig, in court dress, wearing a stained inverness cape, bent in two from incredible age, totters across the room, his hands fluttering. He sits tinily on the pianostool and lifts and beats handless sticks of arms on the keyboard, nodding with damsel's grace, his bowknot bobbing) ZOE: (Twirls round herself, heeltapping) Dance. Anybody here for there? Who'll dance? Clear the table. (The pianola with changing lights plays in waltz time the prelude of My Girl's a Yorkshire Girl. Stephen throws his ashplant on the table and seizes Zoe round the waist. Florry and Bella push the table towards the fireplace. Stephen, arming Zoe with exaggerated grace, begins to waltz her round the room. Bloom stands aside. Her sleeve filling from gracing arms reveals a white fleshflower of vaccination. Between the curtains Professor Maginni inserts a leg on the toepoint of which spins a silk hat. With a deft kick he sends it spinning to his crown and jauntyhatted skates in. He wears a slate frockcoat with claret silk lapels, a gorget of cream tulle, a green lowcut waistcoat, stock collar with white kerchief, tight lavender trousers, patent pumps and canary gloves. In his buttonhole is an immense dahlia. He twirls in reversed directions a clouded cane, then wedges it tight in his oxter. He places a hand lightly on his breastbone, bows, and fondles his flower and buttons.) MAGINNI: The poetry of motion, art of calisthenics. No connection with Madam Legget Byrne's or Levenston's. Fancy dress balls arranged. Deportment. The Katty Lanner step. So. Watch me! My terpsichorean abilities. (He minuets forward three paces on tripping bee's feet) Tout le monde en avant! Révérence! Tout le monde en place! (The prelude ceases. Professor Goodwin, beating vague arms shrivels, sinks, his live cape filling about the stool. The air in firmer waltz time sounds. Stephen and Zoe circle freely. The lights change, glow, fide gold rosy violet.) Two young fellows were talking about their girls, girls, girls, Sweethearts they'd left behind... (From a corner the morning hours run out, goldhaired, slimsandalled, in girlish blue, waspwaisted, with innocent hands. Nimbly they dance, twirling their skipping ropes. The hours of noon follow in amber gold. Laughing, linked, high haircombs flashing, they catch the sun in mocking mirrors, lifting their arms.) MAGINNI: (Clipclaps glovesilent hands) Carré! Avant deux! Breathe evenly! Balance! (The morning and noon hours waltz in their places, turning, advancing to each other, shaping their curves, bowing visavis. Cavaliers behind them arch and suspend their arms, with hands descending to, touching, rising from their shoulders.) HOURS: You may touch my. CAVALIERS: May I touch your? HOURS: O, but lightly! CAVALIERS: O, so lightly! My little shy little lass has a waist. (Zoe and Stephen turn boldly with looser swing. The twilight hours advance from long landshadows, dispersed, lagging, languideyed, their cheeks delicate with cipria and false faint bloom. They are in grey gauze with dark bat sleeves that flutter in the land breeze.) MAGINNI: Avant huit! Traversé! Salut! Cours de mains! Croisé! (The night hours, one by one, steal to the last place. Morning, noon and twilight hours retreat before them. They are masked, with daggered hair and bracelets of dull bells. Weary they curchycurchy under veils.) THE BRACELETS: Heigho! Heigho! ZOE: (Twirling, her hand to her brow) O! MAGINNI: Les tiroirs! Chaîne de dames! La corbeille! Dos à dos! (Arabesquing wearily they weave a pattern on the floor, weaving, unweaving, curtseying, twirling, simply swirling.) ZOE: I'm giddy! (She frees herself, droops on a chair. Stephen seizes Florry and turns with her.) MAGINNI: Boulangère! Les ronds! Les ponts! Chevaux de bois! Escargots! (Twining, receding, with interchanging hands the night hours link each each with arching arms in a mosaic of movements. Stephen and Florry turn cumbrously.) MAGINNI: Dansez avec vos dames! Changez de dames! Donnez le petit bouquet à votre dame! Remerciez! KITTY: (JUMPS UP) O, they played that on the hobbyhorses at the Mirus bazaar! (She runs to Stephen. He leaves florry brusquely and seizes Kitty. A screaming bittern's harsh high whistle shrieks. Groangrousegurgling Toft's cumbersome whirligig turns slowly the room right roundabout the room.) Yorkshire through and through. Come on all! (She seizes Florry and waltzes her.) STEPHEN: Pas seul! (He wheels Kitty into Lynch's arms, snatches up his ashplant from the table and takes the floor. All wheel whirl waltz twirl. Bloombella Kittylynch Florryzoe jujuby women. Stephen with hat ashplant frogsplits in middle highkicks with skykicking mouth shut hand clasp part under thigh. With clang tinkle boomhammer tallyho hornblower blue green yellow flashes Toft's cumbersome turns with hobbyhorse riders from gilded snakes dangled, bowels fandango leaping spurn soil foot and fall again.) (Closeclutched swift swifter with glareblareflare scudding they scootlootshoot lumbering by. Baraabum!) TUTTI: Encore! Bis! Bravo! Encore! SIMON: Think of your mother's people! STEPHEN: Dance of death. (Bang fresh barang bang of lacquey's bell, horse, nag, steer, piglings, Conmee on Christass, lame crutch and leg sailor in cockboat armfolded ropepulling hitching stamp hornpipe through and through. Baraabum! On nags hogs bellhorses Gadarene swine Corny in coffin Steel shark stone onehandled nelson two trickies Frauenzimmer plumstained from pram filling bawling gum he's a champion. Fuseblue peer from barrel rev. evensong Love on hackney jaunt Blazes blind coddoubled bicyclers Dilly with snowcake no fancy clothes. Then in last switchback lumbering up and down bump mashtub sort of viceroy and reine relish for tublumber bumpshire rose. Baraabum!) (The couples fall aside. Stephen whirls giddily. Room whirls back. Eyes closed he totters. Red rails fly spacewards. Stars all around suns turn roundabout. Bright midges dance on walls. He stops dead.) STEPHEN: Ho! (Stephen's mother, emaciated, rises stark through the floor, in leper grey with a wreath of faded orangeblossoms and a torn bridal veil, her face worn and noseless, green with gravemould. Her hair is scant and lank. She fixes her bluecircled hollow eyesockets on Stephen and opens her toothless mouth uttering a silent word. A choir of virgins and confessors sing voicelessly.) (from the top of a tower Buck Mulligan, in particoloured jester's dress of puce and yellow and clown's cap with curling bell, stands gaping at her, a smoking buttered split scone in his hand.) BUCK MULLIGAN: She's beastly dead. The pity of it! Mulligan meets the afflicted mother. (He upturns his eyes) Mercurial Malachi! THE MOTHER: (With the subtle smile of death's madness) I was once the beautiful May Goulding. I am dead. STEPHEN: (Horrorstruck) Lemur, who are you? No. What bogeyman's trick is this? BUCK MULLIGAN: (Shakes his curling capbell) The mockery of it! Kinch dogsbody killed her bitchbody. She kicked the bucket. (Tears of molten butter fall from his eyes on to the scone) Our great sweet mother! Epi oinopa ponton. THE MOTHER: (Comes nearer, breathing upon him softly her breath of wetted ashes) All must go through it, Stephen. More women than men in the world. You too. Time will come. STEPHEN: (Choking with fright, remorse and horror) They say I killed you, mother. He offended your memory. Cancer did it, not I. Destiny. THE MOTHER: (A green rill of bile trickling from a side of her mouth) You sang that song to me. Love's bitter mystery. STEPHEN: (Eagerly) Tell me the word, mother, if you know now. The word known to all men. THE MOTHER: Who saved you the night you jumped into the train at Dalkey with Paddy Lee? Who had pity for you when you were sad among the strangers? Prayer is allpowerful. Prayer for the suffering souls in the Ursuline manual and forty days' indulgence. Repent, Stephen. STEPHEN: The ghoul! Hyena! THE MOTHER: I pray for you in my other world. Get Dilly to make you that boiled rice every night after your brainwork. Years and years I loved you, O, my son, my firstborn, when you lay in my womb. ZOE: (Fanning herself with the grate fan) I'm melting! FLORRY: (Points to Stephen) Look! He's white. BLOOM: (Goes to the window to open it more) Giddy. THE MOTHER: (With smouldering eyes) Repent! O, the fire of hell! STEPHEN: (Panting) His noncorrosive sublimate! The corpsechewer! Raw head and bloody bones. THE MOTHER: (Her face drawing near and nearer, sending out an ashen breath) Beware! (She raises her blackened withered right arm slowly towards Stephen's breast with outstretched finger) Beware God's hand! (A green crab with malignant red eyes sticks deep its grinning claws in Stephen's heart.) STEPHEN: (Strangled with rage) Shite! (His features grow drawn grey and old) BLOOM: (At the window) What? STEPHEN: Ah non, par exemple! The intellectual imagination! With me all or not at all. Non serviam! FLORRY: Give him some cold water. Wait. (She rushes out) THE MOTHER: (Wrings her hands slowly, moaning desperately) O Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on him! Save him from hell, O Divine Sacred Heart! STEPHEN: No! No! No! Break my spirit, all of you, if you can! I'll bring you all to heel! THE MOTHER: (In the agony of her deathrattle) Have mercy on Stephen, Lord, for my sake! Inexpressible was my anguish when expiring with love, grief and agony on Mount Calvary. STEPHEN: Nothung ! (He lifts his ashplant high with both hands and smashes the chandelier. Time's livid final flame leaps and, in the following darkness, ruin of all space, shattered glass and toppling masonry.) THE GASJET: Pwfungg! BLOOM: Stop! LYNCH: (Rushes forward and seizes Stephen's hand) Here! Hold on! Don't run amok! BELLA: Police! (Stephen, abandoning his ashplant, his head and arms thrown back stark, beats the ground and flies from the room, past the whores at the door.) BELLA: (Screams) After him! (The two whores rush to the halldoor. Lynch and Kitty and Zoe stampede from the room. They talk excitedly. Bloom follows, returns.) THE WHORES: (Jammed in the doorway, pointing) Down there. ZOE: (Pointing) There. There's something up. BELLA: Who pays for the lamp? (She seizes Bloom's coattail) Here, you were with him. The lamp's broken. BLOOM: (Rushes to the hall, rushes back) What lamp, woman? A WHORE: He tore his coat. BELLA: (Her eyes hard with anger and cupidity, points) Who's to pay for that? Ten shillings. You're a witness. BLOOM: (Snatches up Stephen's ashplant) Me? Ten shillings? Haven't you lifted enough off him? Didn't he...? BELLA: (Loudly) Here, none of your tall talk. This isn't a brothel. A ten shilling house. BLOOM: (His head under the lamp, pulls the chain. Puling, the gasjet lights up a crushed mauve purple shade. He raises the ashplant.) Only the chimney's broken. Here is all he... BELLA: (Shrinks back and screams) Jesus! Don't! BLOOM: (Warding off a blow) To show you how he hit the paper. There's not sixpenceworth of damage done. Ten shillings! FLORRY: (With a glass of water, enters) Where is he? BELLA: Do you want me to call the police? BLOOM: O, I know. Bulldog on the premises. But he's a Trinity student. Patrons of your establishment. Gentlemen that pay the rent. (He makes a masonic sign) Know what I mean? Nephew of the vice-chancellor. You don't want a scandal. BELLA: (Angrily) Trinity. Coming down here ragging after the boatraces and paying nothing. Are you my commander here or? Where is he? I'll charge him! Disgrace him, I will! (She Shouts) Zoe! Zoe! BLOOM: (Urgently) And if it were your own son in Oxford? (Warningly) I know. BELLA: (Almost speechless) Who are. Incog! ZOE: (In the doorway) There's a row on. BLOOM: What? Where? (He throws a shilling on the table and starts) That's for the chimney. Where? I need mountain air. (He hurries out through the hall. The whores point. Florry follows, spilling water from her tilted tumbler. On the doorstep all the whores clustered talk volubly, pointing to the right where the fog has cleared off. From the left arrives a jingling hackney car. It slows to in front of the house. Bloom at the halldoor perceives Corny Kelleher who is about to dismount from the car with two silent lechers. He averts his face. Bella from within the hall urges on her whores. They blow ickylickysticky yumyum kisses. Corny Kelleher replies with a ghastly lewd smile. The silent lechers turn to pay the jarvey. Zoe and Kitty still point right. Bloom, parting them swiftly, draws his caliph's hood and poncho and hurries down the steps with sideways face. Incog Haroun al Raschid he flits behind the silent lechers and hastens on by the railings with fleet step of a pard strewing the drag behind him, torn envelopes drenched in aniseed. The ashplant marks his stride. A pack of bloodhounds, led by Hornblower of Trinity brandishing a dogwhip in tallyho cap and an old pair of grey trousers, follow from fir, picking up the scent, nearer, baying, panting, at fault, breaking away, throwing their tongues, biting his heels, leaping at his tail. He walks, runs, zigzags, gallops, lugs laid back. He is pelted with gravel, cabbagestumps, biscuitboxes, eggs, potatoes, dead codfish, woman's slipperslappers. After him freshfound the hue and cry zigzag gallops in hot pursuit of follow my leader: 65 C, 66 C, night watch, John Henry Menton, Wisdom Hely, V. B. Dillon, Councillor Nannetti, Alexander Keyes, Larry O'rourke, Joe Cuffe Mrs O'dowd, Pisser Burke, The Nameless One, Mrs Riordan, The Citizen, Garryowen, Whodoyoucallhim, Strangeface, Fellowthatsolike, Sawhimbefore, Chapwithawen, Chris Callinan, Sir Charles Cameron, Benjamin Dollard, Lenehan, Bartell d'Arcy, Joe Hynes, red Murray, editor Brayden, T. M. Healy, Mr Justice Fitzgibbon, John Howard Parnell, the reverend Tinned Salmon, Professor Joly, Mrs Breen, Denis Breen, Theodore Purefoy, Mina Purefoy, the Westland Row postmistress, C. P. M'Coy, friend of Lyons, Hoppy Holohan, maninthestreet, othermaninthestreet, Footballboots, pugnosed driver, rich protestant lady, Davy Byrne, Mrs Ellen M'Guinness, Mrs Joe Gallaher, George Lidwell, Jimmy Henry on corns, Superintendent Laracy, Father Cowley, Crofton out of the Collector-general's, Dan Dawson, dental surgeon Bloom with tweezers, Mrs Bob Doran, Mrs Kennefick, Mrs Wyse Nolan, John Wyse Nolan, handsomemarriedwomanrubbedagainstwide behindinClonskeatram, the bookseller of Sweets of Sin, Miss Dubedatandshedidbedad, Mesdames Gerald and Stanislaus Moran of Roebuck, the managing clerk of Drimmie's, Wetherup, colonel Hayes, Mastiansky, Citron, Penrose, Aaron Figatner, Moses Herzog, Michael E Geraghty, Inspector Troy, Mrs Galbraith, the constable off Eccles Street corner, old doctor Brady with stethoscope, the mystery man on the beach, a retriever, Mrs Miriam Dandrade and all her lovers.) THE HUE AND CRY: (Helterskelterpelterwelter) He's Bloom! Stop Bloom! Stopabloom! Stopperrobber! Hi! Hi! Stophim on the corner! (At the corner of Beaver Street beneath the scaffolding Bloom panting stops on the fringe of the noisy quarrelling knot, a lot not knowing a jot what hi! hi! row and wrangle round the whowhat brawlaltogether.) STEPHEN: (With elaborate gestures, breathing deeply and slowly) You are my guests. Uninvited. By virtue of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward. History to blame. Fabled by mothers of memory. PRIVATE CARR: (To Cissy Caffrey) Was he insulting you? STEPHEN: Addressed her in vocative feminine. Probably neuter. Ungenitive. VOICES: No, he didn't. I seen him. The girl there. He was in Mrs Cohen's. What's up? Soldier and civilian. CISSY CAFFREY: I was in company with the soldiers and they left me to do—you know, and the young man run up behind me. But I'm faithful to the man that's treating me though I'm only a shilling whore. STEPHEN: (Catches sight of Lynch's and Kitty's heads) Hail, Sisyphus. (He points to himself and the others) Poetic. Uropoetic. VOICES: Shes faithfultheman. CISSY CAFFREY: Yes, to go with him. And me with a soldier friend. PRIVATE COMPTON: He doesn't half want a thick ear, the blighter. Biff him one, Harry. PRIVATE CARR: (To Cissy) Was he insulting you while me and him was having a piss? LORD TENNYSON: (Gentleman poet in Union Jack blazer and cricket flannels, bareheaded, flowingbearded) Theirs not to reason why. PRIVATE COMPTON: Biff him, Harry. STEPHEN: (To Private Compton) I don't know your name but you are quite right. Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Shirt is synechdoche. Part for the whole. CISSY CAFFREY: (To The Crowd) No, I was with the privates. STEPHEN: (Amiably) Why not? The bold soldier boy. In my opinion every lady for example... PRIVATE CARR: (His cap awry, advances to Stephen) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw? STEPHEN: (Looks up to the sky) How? Very unpleasant. Noble art of selfpretence. Personally, I detest action. (He waves his hand) Hand hurts me slightly. Enfin ce sont vos oignons. (To Cissy Caffrey) Some trouble is on here. What is it precisely? DOLLY GRAY: (From her balcony waves her handkerchief, giving the sign of the heroine of Jericho) Rahab. Cook's son, goodbye. Safe home to Dolly. Dream of the girl you left behind and she will dream of you. (The soldiers turn their swimming eyes.) BLOOM: (Elbowing through the crowd, plucks Stephen's sleeve vigorously) Come now, professor, that carman is waiting. STEPHEN: (Turns) Eh? (He disengages himself) Why should I not speak to him or to any human being who walks upright upon this oblate orange? (He points his finger) I'm not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye. Retaining the perpendicular. (He staggers a pace back) BLOOM: (Propping him) Retain your own. STEPHEN: (Laughs emptily) My centre of gravity is displaced. I have forgotten the trick. Let us sit down somewhere and discuss. Struggle for life is the law of existence but but human philirenists, notably the tsar and the king of England, have invented arbitration. (He taps his brow) But in here it is I must kill the priest and the king. BIDDY THE CLAP: Did you hear what the professor said? He's a professor out of the college. CUNTY KATE: I did. I heard that. BIDDY THE CLAP: He expresses himself with such marked refinement of phraseology. CUNTY KATE: Indeed, yes. And at the same time with such apposite trenchancy. PRIVATE CARR: (Pulls himself free and comes forward) What's that you're saying about my king? (Edward the Seventh appears in an archway. He wars a white jersey on which an image of the Sacred Heart is stitched with the insignia of Garter and Thistle, Golden Fleece, Elephant of Denmark, Skinner's and Probyn's horse, Lincoln's Inn bencher and ancient and honourable artillery company of Massachusetts. He sucks a red jujube. He is robed as a grand elect perfect and sublime mason with trowel and apron, marked made in Germany. In his left hand he holds a plasterer's bucket on which is printed Défense d'uriner. A roar of welcome greets him.) EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (Slowly, solemnly but indistinctly) Peace, perfect peace. For identification, bucket in my hand. Cheerio, boys. (He turns to his subjects) We have come here to witness a clean straight fight and we heartily wish both men the best of good luck. Mahak makar a bak. (He shakes hands with Private Carr, Private Compton, Stephen, Bloom and Lynch. General applause. Edward the Seventh lifts his bucket graciously in acknowledgment.) PRIVATE CARR: (To Stephen) Say it again. STEPHEN: (Nervous, friendly, pulls himself up) I understand your point of view though I have no king myself for the moment. This is the age of patent medicines. A discussion is difficult down here. But this is the point. You die for your country. Suppose. (He places his arm on Private Carr's sleeve) Not that I wish it for you. But I say: Let my country die for me. Up to the present it has done so. I didn't want it to die. Damn death. Long live life! EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (Levitates over heaps of slain, in the garb and with the halo of Joking Jesus, a white jujube in his phosphorescent face) My methods are new and are causing surprise. To make the blind see I throw dust in their eyes. STEPHEN: Kings and unicorns! (He fills back a pace) Come somewhere and we'll... What was that girl saying?... PRIVATE COMPTON: Eh, Harry, give him a kick in the knackers. Stick one into Jerry. BLOOM: (To the privates, softly) He doesn't know what he's saying. Taken a little more than is good for him. Absinthe. Greeneyed monster. I know him. He's a gentleman, a poet. It's all right. STEPHEN: (Nods, smiling and laughing) Gentleman, patriot, scholar and judge of impostors. PRIVATE CARR: I don't give a bugger who he is. PRIVATE COMPTON: We don't give a bugger who he is. STEPHEN: I seem to annoy them. Green rag to a bull. (Kevin Egan of Paris in black Spanish tasselled shirt and peep-o'-day boy's hat signs to Stephen.) KEVIN EGAN: H'lo! Bonjour! The vieille ogresse with the dents jaunes . (Patrice Egan peeps from behind, his rabbitface nibbling a quince leaf.) PATRICE: Socialiste! DON EMILE PATRIZIO FRANZ RUPERT POPE HENNESSY: (In medieval hauberk, two wild geese volant on his helm, with noble indignation points a mailed hand against the privates) Werf those eykes to footboden, big grand porcos of johnyellows todos covered of gravy! BLOOM: (To Stephen) Come home. You'll get into trouble. STEPHEN: (Swaying) I don't avoid it. He provokes my intelligence. BIDDY THE CLAP: One immediately observes that he is of patrician lineage. THE VIRAGO: Green above the red, says he. Wolfe Tone. THE BAWD: The red's as good as the green. And better. Up the soldiers! Up King Edward! A ROUGH: (Laughs) Ay! Hands up to De Wet. THE CITIZEN: (With a huge emerald muffler and shillelagh, calls) THE CROPPY BOY: (The ropenoose round his neck, gripes in his issuing bowels with both hands) I bear no hate to a living thing, But I love my country beyond the king. RUMBOLD, DEMON BARBER: (Accompanied by two blackmasked assistants, advances with gladstone bag which he opens) Ladies and gents, cleaver purchased by Mrs Pearcy to slay Mogg. Knife with which Voisin dismembered the wife of a compatriot and hid remains in a sheet in the cellar, the unfortunate female's throat being cut from ear to ear. Phial containing arsenic retrieved from body of Miss Barron which sent Seddon to the gallows. (He jerks the rope. The assistants leap at the victim's legs and drag him downward, grunting the croppy boy's tongue protrudes violently.) Horhot ho hray hor hother's hest. (He gives up the ghost. A violent erection of the hanged sends gouts of sperm spouting through his deathclothes on to the cobblestones. Mrs Bellingham, Mrs Yelverton Barry and the Honourable Mrs Mervyn Talboys rush forward with their handkerchiefs to sop it up.) RUMBOLD: I'm near it myself. (He undoes the noose) Rope which hanged the awful rebel. Ten shillings a time. As applied to Her Royal Highness. (He plunges his head into the gaping belly of the hanged and draws out his head again clotted with coiled and smoking entrails) My painful duty has now been done. God save the king! EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (Dances slowly, solemnly, rattling his bucket, and sings with soft contentment) On coronation day, on coronation day, O, won't we have a merry time, Drinking whisky, beer and wine! PRIVATE CARR: Here. What are you saying about my king? STEPHEN: (Throws up his hands) O, this is too monotonous! Nothing. He wants my money and my life, though want must be his master, for some brutish empire of his. Money I haven't. (He searches his pockets vaguely) GAVE IT TO SOMEONE. PRIVATE CARR: Who wants your bleeding money? STEPHEN: (Tries to move off) Will someone tell me where I am least likely to meet these necessary evils? Ça se voit aussi à paris. Not that I... But, by Saint Patrick...! (The women's heads coalesce. Old Gummy Granny in sugarloaf hat appears seated on a toadstool, the deathflower of the potato blight on her breast.) STEPHEN: Aha! I know you, gammer! Hamlet, revenge! The old sow that eats her farrow! OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (Rocking to and fro) Ireland's sweetheart, the king of Spain's daughter, alanna. Strangers in my house, bad manners to them! (She keens with banshee woe) Ochone! Ochone! Silk of the kine! (She wails) You met with poor old Ireland and how does she stand? STEPHEN: How do I stand you? The hat trick! Where's the third person of the Blessed Trinity? Soggarth Aroon? The reverend Carrion Crow. CISSY CAFFREY: (Shrill) Stop them from fighting! A ROUGH: Our men retreated. PRIVATE CARR: (Tugging at his belt) I'll wring the neck of any fucker says a word against my fucking king. BLOOM: (Terrified) He said nothing. Not a word. A pure misunderstanding. THE CITIZEN: Erin go bragh! (Major Tweedy and the Citizen exhibit to each other medals, decorations, trophies of war, wounds. Both salute with fierce hostility.) PRIVATE COMPTON: Go it, Harry. Do him one in the eye. He's a proboer. STEPHEN: Did I? When? BLOOM: (To the redcoats) We fought for you in South Africa, Irish missile troops. Isn't that history? Royal Dublin Fusiliers. Honoured by our monarch. THE NAVVY: (Staggering past) O, yes! O God, yes! O, make the kwawr a krowawr! O! Bo! (Casqued halberdiers in armour thrust forward a pentice of gutted spearpoints. Major Tweedy, moustached like Turko the terrible, in bearskin cap with hackleplume and accoutrements, with epaulettes, gilt chevrons and sabretaches, his breast bright with medals, toes the line. He gives the pilgrim warrior's sign of the knights templars.) MAJOR TWEEDY: (Growls gruffly) Rorke's Drift! Up, guards, and at them! Mahar shalal hashbaz. PRIVATE CARR: I'll do him in. PRIVATE COMPTON: (Waves the crowd back) Fair play, here. Make a bleeding butcher's shop of the bugger. (Massed bands blare Garryowen and God save the King.) CISSY CAFFREY: They're going to fight. For me! CUNTY KATE: The brave and the fair. BIDDY THE CLAP: Methinks yon sable knight will joust it with the best. CUNTY KATE: (Blushing deeply) Nay, madam. The gules doublet and merry saint George for me! The harlot's cry from street to street Shall weave Old Ireland's windingsheet. PRIVATE CARR: (Loosening his belt, shouts) I'll wring the neck of any fucking bastard says a word against my bleeding fucking king. BLOOM: (Shakes Cissy Caffrey's shoulders) Speak, you! Are you struck dumb? You are the link between nations and generations. Speak, woman, sacred lifegiver! CISSY CAFFREY: (Alarmed, seizes Private Carr's sleeve) Amn't I with you? Amn't I your girl? Cissy's your girl. (She cries) Police! STEPHEN: (Ecstatically, to Cissy Caffrey) VOICES: Police! DISTANT VOICES: Dublin's burning! Dublin's burning! On fire, on fire! (Brimstone fires spring up. Dense clouds roll past. Heavy Gatling guns boom. Pandemonium. Troops deploy. Gallop of hoofs. Artillery. Hoarse commands. Bells clang. Backers shout. Drunkards bawl. Whores screech. Foghorns hoot. Cries of valour. Shrieks of dying. Pikes clash on cuirasses. Thieves rob the slain. Birds of prey, winging from the sea, rising from marshlands, swooping from eyries, hover screaming, gannets, cormorants, vultures, goshawks, climbing woodcocks, peregrines, merlins, blackgrouse, sea eagles, gulls, albatrosses, barnacle geese. The midnight sun is darkened. The earth trembles. The dead of Dublin from Prospect and Mount Jerome in white sheepskin overcoats and black goatfell cloaks arise and appear to many. A chasm opens with a noiseless yawn. Tom Rochford, winner, in athlete's singlet and breeches, arrives at the head of the national hurdle handicap and leaps into the void. He is followed by a race of runners and leapers. In wild attitudes they spring from the brink. Their bodies plunge. Factory lasses with fancy clothes toss redhot Yorkshire baraabombs. Society ladies lift their skirts above their heads to protect themselves. Laughing witches in red cutty sarks ride through the air on broomsticks. Quakerlyster plasters blisters. It rains dragons' teeth. Armed heroes spring up from furrows. They exchange in amity the pass of knights of the red cross and fight duels with cavalry sabres: Wolfe Tone against Henry Grattan, Smith O'Brien against Daniel O'Connell, Michael Davitt against Isaac Butt, Justin M'Carthy against Parnell, Arthur Griffith against John Redmond, John O'Leary against Lear O'Johnny, Lord Edward Fitzgerald against Lord Gerald Fitzedward, The O'Donoghue of the Glens against The Glens of The O'Donoghue. On an eminence, the centre of the earth, rises the feldaltar of Saint Barbara. Black candles rise from its gospel and epistle horns. From the high barbacans of the tower two shafts of light fall on the smokepalled altarstone. On the altarstone Mrs Mina Purefoy, goddess of unreason, lies, naked, fettered, a chalice resting on her swollen belly. Father Malachi O'Flynn in a lace petticoat and reversed chasuble, his two left feet back to the front, celebrates camp mass. The Reverend Mr Hugh C Haines Love M. A. in a plain cassock and mortarboard, his head and collar back to the front, holds over the celebrant's head an open umbrella.) FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN: Introibo ad altare diaboli. THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: To the devil which hath made glad my young days. FATHER MALACHI O'FLYNN: (Takes from the chalice and elevates a blooddripping host) Corpus meum. THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: (Raises high behind the celebrant's petticoat, revealing his grey bare hairy buttocks between which a carrot is stuck) My body. THE VOICE OF ALL THE DAMNED: Htengier Tnetopinmo Dog Drol eht rof, Aiulella! (From on high the voice of Adonai calls.) ADONAI: Dooooooooooog! THE VOICE OF ALL THE BLESSED: Alleluia, for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth! (From on high the voice of Adonai calls.) ADONAI: Goooooooooood! (In strident discord peasants and townsmen of Orange and Green factions sing Kick the Pope and Daily, daily sing to Mary.) PRIVATE CARR: (With ferocious articulation) I'll do him in, so help me fucking Christ! I'll wring the bastard fucker's bleeding blasted fucking windpipe! OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (Thrusts a dagger towards Stephen's hand) Remove him, acushla. At 8.35 a.m. you will be in heaven and Ireland will be free. (She prays) O good God, take him! BLOOM: (Runs to lynch) Can't you get him away? LYNCH: He likes dialectic, the universal language. Kitty! (To Bloom) Get him away, you. He won't listen to me. (He drags Kitty away.) STEPHEN: (Points) exit Judas. Et laqueo se suspendit. BLOOM: (Runs to Stephen) Come along with me now before worse happens. Here's your stick. STEPHEN: Stick, no. Reason. This feast of pure reason. CISSY CAFFREY: (Pulling Private Carr) Come on, you're boosed. He insulted me but I forgive him. (Shouting in his ear) I forgive him for insulting me. BLOOM: (Over Stephen's shoulder) Yes, go. You see he's incapable. PRIVATE CARR: (Breaks loose) I'll insult him. (He rushes towards Stephen, fist outstretched, and strikes him in the face. Stephen totters, collapses, falls, stunned. He lies prone, his face to the sky, his hat rolling to the wall. Bloom follows and picks it up.) MAJOR TWEEDY: (Loudly) Carbine in bucket! Cease fire! Salute! THE RETRIEVER: (Barking furiously) Ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute. THE CROWD: Let him up! Don't strike him when he's down! Air! Who? The soldier hit him. He's a professor. Is he hurted? Don't manhandle him! He's fainted! A HAG: What call had the redcoat to strike the gentleman and he under the influence. Let them go and fight the Boers! THE BAWD: Listen to who's talking! Hasn't the soldier a right to go with his girl? He gave him the coward's blow. (They grab at each other's hair, claw at each other and spit) THE RETRIEVER: (Barking) Wow wow wow. BLOOM: (Shoves them back, loudly) Get back, stand back! PRIVATE COMPTON: (Tugging his comrade) Here. Bugger off, Harry. Here's the cops! (Two raincaped watch, tall, stand in the group.) FIRST WATCH: What's wrong here? PRIVATE COMPTON: We were with this lady. And he insulted us. And assaulted my chum. (The retriever barks) Who owns the bleeding tyke? CISSY CAFFREY: (With expectation) Is he bleeding! A MAN: (Rising from his knees) No. Gone off. He'll come to all right. BLOOM: (Glances sharply at the man) Leave him to me. I can easily... SECOND WATCH: Who are you? Do you know him? PRIVATE CARR: (Lurches towards the watch) He insulted my lady friend. BLOOM: (Angrily) You hit him without provocation. I'm a witness. Constable, take his regimental number. SECOND WATCH: I don't want your instructions in the discharge of my duty. PRIVATE COMPTON: (Pulling his comrade) Here, bugger off Harry. Or Bennett'll shove you in the lockup. PRIVATE CARR: (Staggering as he is pulled away) God fuck old Bennett. He's a whitearsed bugger. I don't give a shit for him. FIRST WATCH: (Takes out his notebook) What's his name? BLOOM: (Peering over the crowd) I just see a car there. If you give me a hand a second, sergeant... FIRST WATCH: Name and address. (Corny Kelleker, weepers round his hat, a death wreath in his hand, appears among the bystanders.) BLOOM: (Quickly) O, the very man! (He whispers) Simon Dedalus' son. A bit sprung. Get those policemen to move those loafers back. SECOND WATCH: Night, Mr Kelleher. CORNY KELLEHER: (To the watch, with drawling eye) That's all right. I know him. Won a bit on the races. Gold cup. Throwaway. (He laughs) Twenty to one. Do you follow me? FIRST WATCH: (Turns to the crowd) Here, what are you all gaping at? Move on out of that. (The crowd disperses slowly, muttering, down the lane.) CORNY KELLEHER: Leave it to me, sergeant. That'll be all right. (He laughs, shaking his head) We were often as bad ourselves, ay or worse. What? Eh, what? FIRST WATCH: (Laughs) I suppose so. CORNY KELLEHER: (Nudges the second watch) Come and wipe your name off the slate. (He lilts, wagging his head) With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. What, eh, do you follow me? SECOND WATCH: (Genially) Ah, sure we were too. CORNY KELLEHER: (Winking) Boys will be boys. I've a car round there. SECOND WATCH: All right, Mr Kelleher. Good night. CORNY KELLEHER: I'll see to that. BLOOM: (Shakes hands with both of the watch in turn) Thank you very much, gentlemen. Thank you. (He mumbles confidentially) We don't want any scandal, you understand. Father is a wellknown highly respected citizen. Just a little wild oats, you understand. FIRST WATCH: O. I understand, sir. SECOND WATCH: That's all right, sir. FIRST WATCH: It was only in case of corporal injuries I'd have to report it at the station. BLOOM: (Nods rapidly) Naturally. Quite right. Only your bounden duty. SECOND WATCH: It's our duty. CORNY KELLEHER: Good night, men. THE WATCH: (Saluting together) Night, gentlemen. (They move off with slow heavy tread) BLOOM: (Blows) Providential you came on the scene. You have a car?... CORNY KELLEHER: (Laughs, pointing his thumb over his right shoulder to the car brought up against the scaffolding) Two commercials that were standing fizz in Jammet's. Like princes, faith. One of them lost two quid on the race. Drowning his grief. And were on for a go with the jolly girls. So I landed them up on Behan's car and down to nighttown. BLOOM: I was just going home by Gardiner street when I happened to... CORNY KELLEHER: (Laughs) Sure they wanted me to join in with the mots. No, by God, says I. Not for old stagers like myself and yourself. (He laughs again and leers with lacklustre eye) Thanks be to God we have it in the house, what, eh, do you follow me? Hah, hah, hah! BLOOM: (Tries to laugh) He, he, he! Yes. Matter of fact I was just visiting an old friend of mine there, Virag, you don't know him (poor fellow, he's laid up for the past week) and we had a liquor together and I was just making my way home... (The horse neighs.) THE HORSE: Hohohohohohoh! Hohohohome! CORNY KELLEHER: Sure it was Behan our jarvey there that told me after we left the two commercials in Mrs Cohen's and I told him to pull up and got off to see. (He laughs) Sober hearsedrivers a speciality. Will I give him a lift home? Where does he hang out? Somewhere in Cabra, what? BLOOM: No, in Sandycove, I believe, from what he let drop. (Stephen, prone, breathes to the stars. Corny Kelleher, asquint, drawls at the horse. Bloom, in gloom, looms down.) CORNY KELLEHER: (Scratches his nape) Sandycove! (He bends down and calls to Stephen) Eh! (He calls again) Eh! He's covered with shavings anyhow. Take care they didn't lift anything off him. BLOOM: No, no, no. I have his money and his hat here and stick. CORNY KELLEHER: Ah, well, he'll get over it. No bones broken. Well, I'll shove along. (He laughs) I've a rendezvous in the morning. Burying the dead. Safe home! THE HORSE: (Neighs) Hohohohohome. BLOOM: Good night. I'll just wait and take him along in a few... (Corny Kelleher returns to the outside car and mounts it. The horse harness jingles.) CORNY KELLEHER: (From the car, standing) Night. BLOOM: Night. (The jarvey chucks the reins and raises his whip encouragingly. The car and horse back slowly, awkwardly, and turn. Corny Kelleher on the sideseat sways his head to and fro in sign of mirth at Bloom's plight. The jarvey joins in the mute pantomimic merriment nodding from the farther seat. Bloom shakes his head in mute mirthful reply. With thumb and palm Corny Kelleher reassures that the two bobbies will allow the sleep to continue for what else is to be done. With a slow nod Bloom conveys his gratitude as that is exactly what Stephen needs. The car jingles tooraloom round the corner of the tooraloom lane. Corny Kelleher again reassuralooms with his hand. Bloom with his hand assuralooms Corny Kelleher that he is reassuraloomtay. The tinkling hoofs and jingling harness grow fainter with their tooralooloo looloo lay. Bloom, holding in his hand Stephen's hat, festooned with shavings, and ashplant, stands irresolute. Then he bends to him and shakes him by the shoulder.) BLOOM: Eh! Ho! (There is no answer; he bends again) Mr Dedalus! (There is no answer) The name if you call. Somnambulist. (He bends again and hesitating, brings his mouth near the face of the prostrate form) Stephen! (There is no answer. He calls again.) Stephen! STEPHEN: (Groans) Who? Black panther. Vampire. (He sighs and stretches himself, then murmurs thickly with prolonged vowels) — III — (He turns on his left side, sighing, doubling himself together.) BLOOM: Poetry. Well educated. Pity. (He bends again and undoes the buttons of Stephen's waistcoat) To breathe. (He brushes the woodshavings from Stephen's clothes with light hand and fingers) One pound seven. Not hurt anyhow. (He listens) What? STEPHEN: (Murmurs) (He stretches out his arms, sighs again and curls his body. Bloom, holding the hat and ashplant, stands erect. A dog barks in the distance. Bloom tightens and loosens his grip on the ashplant. He looks down on Stephen's face and form.) BLOOM: (Communes with the night) Face reminds me of his poor mother. In the shady wood. The deep white breast. Ferguson, I think I caught. A girl. Some girl. Best thing could happen him. (He murmurs) ... swear that I will always hail, ever conceal, never reveal, any part or parts, art or arts... (He murmurs) ... in the rough sands of the sea... a cabletow's length from the shore... where the tide ebbs... and flows ... (Silent, thoughtful, alert he stands on guard, his fingers at his lips in the attitude of secret master. Against the dark wall a figure appears slowly, a fairy boy of eleven, a changeling, kidnapped, dressed in an eton suit with glass shoes and a little bronze helmet, holding a book in his hand. He reads from right to left inaudibly, smiling, kissing the page.) BLOOM: (Wonderstruck, calls inaudibly) Rudy! RUDY: (Gazes, unseeing, into Bloom's eyes and goes on reading, kissing, smiling. He has a delicate mauve face. On his suit he has diamond and ruby buttons. In his free left hand he holds a slim ivory cane with a violet bowknot. A white lambkin peeps out of his waistcoat pocket.) — III — Preparatory to anything else Mr Bloom brushed off the greater bulk of the shavings and handed Stephen the hat and ashplant and bucked him up generally in orthodox Samaritan fashion which he very badly needed. His (Stephen's) mind was not exactly what you would call wandering but a bit unsteady and on his expressed desire for some beverage to drink Mr Bloom in view of the hour it was and there being no pump of Vartry water available for their ablutions let alone drinking purposes hit upon an expedient by suggesting, off the reel, the propriety of the cabman's shelter, as it was called, hardly a stonesthrow away near Butt bridge where they might hit upon some drinkables in the shape of a milk and soda or a mineral. But how to get there was the rub. For the nonce he was rather nonplussed but inasmuch as the duty plainly devolved upon him to take some measures on the subject he pondered suitable ways and means during which Stephen repeatedly yawned. So far as he could see he was rather pale in the face so that it occurred to him as highly advisable to get a conveyance of some description which would answer in their then condition, both of them being e.d.ed, particularly Stephen, always assuming that there was such a thing to be found. Accordingly after a few such preliminaries as brushing, in spite of his having forgotten to take up his rather soapsuddy handkerchief after it had done yeoman service in the shaving line, they both walked together along Beaver street or, more properly, lane as far as the farrier's and the distinctly fetid atmosphere of the livery stables at the corner of Montgomery street where they made tracks to the left from thence debouching into Amiens street round by the corner of Dan Bergin's. But as he confidently anticipated there was not a sign of a Jehu plying for hire anywhere to be seen except a fourwheeler, probably engaged by some fellows inside on the spree, outside the North Star hotel and there was no symptom of its budging a quarter of an inch when Mr Bloom, who was anything but a professional whistler, endeavoured to hail it by emitting a kind of a whistle, holding his arms arched over his head, twice. This was a quandary but, bringing common sense to bear on it, evidently there was nothing for it but put a good face on the matter and foot it which they accordingly did. So, bevelling around by Mullett's and the Signal House which they shortly reached, they proceeded perforce in the direction of Amiens street railway terminus, Mr Bloom being handicapped by the circumstance that one of the back buttons of his trousers had, to vary the timehonoured adage, gone the way of all buttons though, entering thoroughly into the spirit of the thing, he heroically made light of the mischance. So as neither of them were particularly pressed for time, as it happened, and the temperature refreshing since it cleared up after the recent visitation of Jupiter Pluvius, they dandered along past by where the empty vehicle was waiting without a fare or a jarvey. As it so happened a Dublin United Tramways Company's sandstrewer happened to be returning and the elder man recounted to his companion à propos of the incident his own truly miraculous escape of some little while back. They passed the main entrance of the Great Northern railway station, the starting point for Belfast, where of course all traffic was suspended at that late hour and passing the backdoor of the morgue (a not very enticing locality, not to say gruesome to a degree, more especially at night) ultimately gained the Dock Tavern and in due course turned into Store street, famous for its C division police station. Between this point and the high at present unlit warehouses of Beresford place Stephen thought to think of Ibsen, associated with Baird's the stonecutter's in his mind somehow in Talbot place, first turning on the right, while the other who was acting as his fidus Achates inhaled with internal satisfaction the smell of James Rourke's city bakery, situated quite close to where they were, the very palatable odour indeed of our daily bread, of all commodities of the public the primary and most indispensable. Bread, the staff of life, earn your bread, O tell me where is fancy bread, at Rourke's the baker's it is said. En route to his taciturn and, not to put too fine a point on it, not yet perfectly sober companion Mr Bloom who at all events was in complete possession of his faculties, never more so, in fact disgustingly sober, spoke a word of caution re the dangers of nighttown, women of ill fame and swell mobsmen, which, barely permissible once in a while though not as a habitual practice, was of the nature of a regular deathtrap for young fellows of his age particularly if they had acquired drinking habits under the influence of liquor unless you knew a little jiujitsu for every contingency as even a fellow on the broad of his back could administer a nasty kick if you didn't look out. Highly providential was the appearance on the scene of Corny Kelleher when Stephen was blissfully unconscious but for that man in the gap turning up at the eleventh hour the finis might have been that he might have been a candidate for the accident ward or, failing that, the bridewell and an appearance in the court next day before Mr Tobias or, he being the solicitor rather, old Wall, he meant to say, or Mahony which simply spelt ruin for a chap when it got bruited about. The reason he mentioned the fact was that a lot of those policemen, whom he cordially disliked, were admittedly unscrupulous in the service of the Crown and, as Mr Bloom put it, recalling a case or two in the A division in Clanbrassil street, prepared to swear a hole through a ten gallon pot. Never on the spot when wanted but in quiet parts of the city, Pembroke road for example, the guardians of the law were well in evidence, the obvious reason being they were paid to protect the upper classes. Another thing he commented on was equipping soldiers with firearms or sidearms of any description liable to go off at any time which was tantamount to inciting them against civilians should by any chance they fall out over anything. You frittered away your time, he very sensibly maintained, and health and also character besides which, the squandermania of the thing, fast women of the demimonde ran away with a lot of l s. d. into the bargain and the greatest danger of all was who you got drunk with though, touching the much vexed question of stimulants, he relished a glass of choice old wine in season as both nourishing and bloodmaking and possessing aperient virtues (notably a good burgundy which he was a staunch believer in) still never beyond a certain point where he invariably drew the line as it simply led to trouble all round to say nothing of your being at the tender mercy of others practically. Most of all he commented adversely on the desertion of Stephen by all his pubhunting confreres but one, a most glaring piece of ratting on the part of his brother medicos under all the circs. —And that one was Judas, Stephen said, who up to then had said nothing whatsoever of any kind. Discussing these and kindred topics they made a beeline across the back of the Customhouse and passed under the Loop Line bridge where a brazier of coke burning in front of a sentrybox or something like one attracted their rather lagging footsteps. Stephen of his own accord stopped for no special reason to look at the heap of barren cobblestones and by the light emanating from the brazier he could just make out the darker figure of the corporation watchman inside the gloom of the sentrybox. He began to remember that this had happened or had been mentioned as having happened before but it cost him no small effort before he remembered that he recognised in the sentry a quondam friend of his father's, Gumley. To avoid a meeting he drew nearer to the pillars of the railway bridge. —Someone saluted you, Mr Bloom said. A figure of middle height on the prowl evidently under the arches saluted again, calling: — Night! Stephen of course started rather dizzily and stopped to return the compliment. Mr Bloom actuated by motives of inherent delicacy inasmuch as he always believed in minding his own business moved off but nevertheless remained on the qui vive with just a shade of anxiety though not funkyish in the least. Though unusual in the Dublin area he knew that it was not by any means unknown for desperadoes who had next to nothing to live on to be abroad waylaying and generally terrorising peaceable pedestrians by placing a pistol at their head in some secluded spot outside the city proper, famished loiterers of the Thames embankment category they might be hanging about there or simply marauders ready to decamp with whatever boodle they could in one fell swoop at a moment's notice, your money or your life, leaving you there to point a moral, gagged and garrotted. Stephen, that is when the accosting figure came to close quarters, though he was not in an over sober state himself recognised Corley's breath redolent of rotten cornjuice. Lord John Corley some called him and his genealogy came about in this wise. He was the eldest son of inspector Corley of the G division, lately deceased, who had married a certain Katherine Brophy, the daughter of a Louth farmer. His grandfather Patrick Michael Corley of New Ross had married the widow of a publican there whose maiden name had been Katherine (also) Talbot. Rumour had it (though not proved) that she descended from the house of the lords Talbot de Malahide in whose mansion, really an unquestionably fine residence of its kind and well worth seeing, her mother or aunt or some relative, a woman, as the tale went, of extreme beauty, had enjoyed the distinction of being in service in the washkitchen. This therefore was the reason why the still comparatively young though dissolute man who now addressed Stephen was spoken of by some with facetious proclivities as Lord John Corley. Taking Stephen on one side he had the customary doleful ditty to tell. Not as much as a farthing to purchase a night's lodgings. His friends had all deserted him. Furthermore he had a row with Lenehan and called him to Stephen a mean bloody swab with a sprinkling of a number of other uncalledfor expressions. He was out of a job and implored of Stephen to tell him where on God's earth he could get something, anything at all, to do. No, it was the daughter of the mother in the washkitchen that was fostersister to the heir of the house or else they were connected through the mother in some way, both occurrences happening at the same time if the whole thing wasn't a complete fabrication from start to finish. Anyhow he was all in. —I wouldn't ask you only, pursued he, on my solemn oath and God knows I'm on the rocks. —There'll be a job tomorrow or next day, Stephen told him, in a boys' school at Dalkey for a gentleman usher. Mr Garrett Deasy. Try it. You may mention my name. —Ah, God, Corley replied, sure I couldn't teach in a school, man. I was never one of your bright ones, he added with a half laugh. I got stuck twice in the junior at the christian brothers. —I have no place to sleep myself, Stephen informed him. Corley at the first go-off was inclined to suspect it was something to do with Stephen being fired out of his digs for bringing in a bloody tart off the street. There was a dosshouse in Marlborough street, Mrs Maloney's, but it was only a tanner touch and full of undesirables but M'Conachie told him you got a decent enough do in the Brazen Head over in Winetavern street (which was distantly suggestive to the person addressed of friar Bacon) for a bob. He was starving too though he hadn't said a word about it. Though this sort of thing went on every other night or very near it still Stephen's feelings got the better of him in a sense though he knew that Corley's brandnew rigmarole on a par with the others was hardly deserving of much credence. However haud ignarus malorum miseris succurrere disco etcetera as the Latin poet remarks especially as luck would have it he got paid his screw after every middle of the month on the sixteenth which was the date of the month as a matter of fact though a good bit of the wherewithal was demolished. But the cream of the joke was nothing would get it out of Corley's head that he was living in affluence and hadn't a thing to do but hand out the needful. Whereas. He put his hand in a pocket anyhow not with the idea of finding any food there but thinking he might lend him anything up to a bob or so in lieu so that he might endeavour at all events and get sufficient to eat but the result was in the negative for, to his chagrin, he found his cash missing. A few broken biscuits were all the result of his investigation. He tried his hardest to recollect for the moment whether he had lost as well he might have or left because in that contingency it was not a pleasant lookout, very much the reverse in fact. He was altogether too fagged out to institute a thorough search though he tried to recollect. About biscuits he dimly remembered. Who now exactly gave them he wondered or where was or did he buy. However in another pocket he came across what he surmised in the dark were pennies, erroneously however, as it turned out. —Those are halfcrowns, man, Corley corrected him. And so in point of fact they turned out to be. Stephen anyhow lent him one of them. —Thanks, Corley answered, you're a gentleman. I'll pay you back one time. Who's that with you? I saw him a few times in the Bleeding Horse in Camden street with Boylan, the billsticker. You might put in a good word for us to get me taken on there. I'd carry a sandwichboard only the girl in the office told me they're full up for the next three weeks, man. God, you've to book ahead, man, you'd think it was for the Carl Rosa. I don't give a shite anyway so long as I get a job, even as a crossing sweeper. Subsequently being not quite so down in the mouth after the two and six he got he informed Stephen about a fellow by the name of Bags Comisky that he said Stephen knew well out of Fullam's, the shipchandler's, bookkeeper there that used to be often round in Nagle's back with O'Mara and a little chap with a stutter the name of Tighe. Anyhow he was lagged the night before last and fined ten bob for a drunk and disorderly and refusing to go with the constable. Mr Bloom in the meanwhile kept dodging about in the vicinity of the cobblestones near the brazier of coke in front of the corporation watchman's sentrybox who evidently a glutton for work, it struck him, was having a quiet forty winks for all intents and purposes on his own private account while Dublin slept. He threw an odd eye at the same time now and then at Stephen's anything but immaculately attired interlocutor as if he had seen that nobleman somewhere or other though where he was not in a position to truthfully state nor had he the remotest idea when. Being a levelheaded individual who could give points to not a few in point of shrewd observation he also remarked on his very dilapidated hat and slouchy wearing apparel generally testifying to a chronic impecuniosity. Palpably he was one of his hangerson but for the matter of that it was merely a question of one preying on his nextdoor neighbour all round, in every deep, so to put it, a deeper depth and for the matter of that if the man in the street chanced to be in the dock himself penal servitude with or without the option of a fine would be a very rara avis altogether. In any case he had a consummate amount of cool assurance intercepting people at that hour of the night or morning. Pretty thick that was certainly. The pair parted company and Stephen rejoined Mr Bloom who, with his practised eye, was not without perceiving that he had succumbed to the blandiloquence of the other parasite. Alluding to the encounter he said, laughingly, Stephen, that is: —He is down on his luck. He asked me to ask you to ask somebody named Boylan, a billsticker, to give him a job as a sandwichman. At this intelligence, in which he seemingly evinced little interest, Mr Bloom gazed abstractedly for the space of a half a second or so in the direction of a bucketdredger, rejoicing in the farfamed name of Eblana, moored alongside Customhouse quay and quite possibly out of repair, whereupon he observed evasively: —Everybody gets their own ration of luck, they say. Now you mention it his face was familiar to me. But, leaving that for the moment, how much did you part with, he queried, if I am not too inquisitive? —Half a crown, Stephen responded. I daresay he needs it to sleep somewhere. —Needs! Mr Bloom ejaculated, professing not the least surprise at the intelligence, I can quite credit the assertion and I guarantee he invariably does. Everyone according to his needs or everyone according to his deeds. But, talking about things in general, where, added he with a smile, will you sleep yourself? Walking to Sandycove is out of the question. And even supposing you did you won't get in after what occurred at Westland Row station. Simply fag out there for nothing. I don't mean to presume to dictate to you in the slightest degree but why did you leave your father's house? —To seek misfortune, was Stephen's answer. —I met your respected father on a recent occasion, Mr Bloom diplomatically returned, today in fact, or to be strictly accurate, on yesterday. Where does he live at present? I gathered in the course of conversation that he had moved. —I believe he is in Dublin somewhere, Stephen answered unconcernedly. Why? —A gifted man, Mr Bloom said of Mr Dedalus senior, in more respects than one and a born raconteur if ever there was one. He takes great pride, quite legitimate, out of you. You could go back perhaps, he hasarded, still thinking of the very unpleasant scene at Westland Row terminus when it was perfectly evident that the other two, Mulligan, that is, and that English tourist friend of his, who eventually euchred their third companion, were patently trying as if the whole bally station belonged to them to give Stephen the slip in the confusion, which they did. There was no response forthcoming to the suggestion however, such as it was, Stephen's mind's eye being too busily engaged in repicturing his family hearth the last time he saw it with his sister Dilly sitting by the ingle, her hair hanging down, waiting for some weak Trinidad shell cocoa that was in the sootcoated kettle to be done so that she and he could drink it with the oatmealwater for milk after the Friday herrings they had eaten at two a penny with an egg apiece for Maggy, Boody and Katey, the cat meanwhile under the mangle devouring a mess of eggshells and charred fish heads and bones on a square of brown paper, in accordance with the third precept of the church to fast and abstain on the days commanded, it being quarter tense or if not, ember days or something like that. —No, Mr Bloom repeated again, I wouldn't personally repose much trust in that boon companion of yours who contributes the humorous element, Dr Mulligan, as a guide, philosopher and friend if I were in your shoes. He knows which side his bread is buttered on though in all probability he never realised what it is to be without regular meals. Of course you didn't notice as much as I did. But it wouldn't occasion me the least surprise to learn that a pinch of tobacco or some narcotic was put in your drink for some ulterior object. He understood however from all he heard that Dr Mulligan was a versatile allround man, by no means confined to medicine only, who was rapidly coming to the fore in his line and, if the report was verified, bade fair to enjoy a flourishing practice in the not too distant future as a tony medical practitioner drawing a handsome fee for his services in addition to which professional status his rescue of that man from certain drowning by artificial respiration and what they call first aid at Skerries, or Malahide was it?, was, he was bound to admit, an exceedingly plucky deed which he could not too highly praise, so that frankly he was utterly at a loss to fathom what earthly reason could be at the back of it except he put it down to sheer cussedness or jealousy, pure and simple. —Except it simply amounts to one thing and he is what they call picking your brains, he ventured to throw out. The guarded glance of half solicitude half curiosity augmented by friendliness which he gave at Stephen's at present morose expression of features did not throw a flood of light, none at all in fact on the problem as to whether he had let himself be badly bamboozled to judge by two or three lowspirited remarks he let drop or the other way about saw through the affair and for some reason or other best known to himself allowed matters to more or less. Grinding poverty did have that effect and he more than conjectured that, high educational abilities though he possessed, he experienced no little difficulty in making both ends meet. Adjacent to the men's public urinal they perceived an icecream car round which a group of presumably Italians in heated altercation were getting rid of voluble expressions in their vivacious language in a particularly animated way, there being some little differences between the parties. — Puttana madonna, che ci dia i quattrini! Ho ragione? Culo rotto! —Intendiamoci. Mezzo sovrano piu... —Dice lui, pero! —Mezzo. —Farabutto! Mortacci sui! —Ma ascolta! Cinque la testa piu... Mr Bloom and Stephen entered the cabman's shelter, an unpretentious wooden structure, where, prior to then, he had rarely if ever been before, the former having previously whispered to the latter a few hints anent the keeper of it said to be the once famous Skin-the-Goat Fitzharris, the invincible, though he could not vouch for the actual facts which quite possibly there was not one vestige of truth in. A few moments later saw our two noctambules safely seated in a discreet corner only to be greeted by stares from the decidedly miscellaneous collection of waifs and strays and other nondescript specimens of the genus homo already there engaged in eating and drinking diversified by conversation for whom they seemingly formed an object of marked curiosity. —Now touching a cup of coffee, Mr Bloom ventured to plausibly suggest to break the ice, it occurs to me you ought to sample something in the shape of solid food, say, a roll of some description. Accordingly his first act was with characteristic sangfroid to order these commodities quietly. The hoi polloi of jarvies or stevedores or whatever they were after a cursory examination turned their eyes apparently dissatisfied, away though one redbearded bibulous individual portion of whose hair was greyish, a sailor probably, still stared for some appreciable time before transferring his rapt attention to the floor. Mr Bloom, availing himself of the right of free speech, he having just a bowing acquaintance with the language in dispute, though, to be sure, rather in a quandary over voglio , remarked to his protégé in an audible tone of voice a propos of the battle royal in the street which was still raging fast and furious: —A beautiful language. I mean for singing purposes. Why do you not write your poetry in that language? Bella Poetria ! It is so melodious and full. Belladonna. Voglio. Stephen, who was trying his dead best to yawn if he could, suffering from lassitude generally, replied: —To fill the ear of a cow elephant. They were haggling over money. —Is that so? Mr Bloom asked. Of course, he subjoined pensively, at the inward reflection of there being more languages to start with than were absolutely necessary, it may be only the southern glamour that surrounds it. The keeper of the shelter in the middle of this tête-â-tête put a boiling swimming cup of a choice concoction labelled coffee on the table and a rather antediluvian specimen of a bun, or so it seemed. After which he beat a retreat to his counter, Mr Bloom determining to have a good square look at him later on so as not to appear to. For which reason he encouraged Stephen to proceed with his eyes while he did the honours by surreptitiously pushing the cup of what was temporarily supposed to be called coffee gradually nearer him. —Sounds are impostures, Stephen said after a pause of some little time, like names. Cicero, Podmore. Napoleon, Mr Goodbody. Jesus, Mr Doyle. Shakespeares were as common as Murphies. What's in a name? —Yes, to be sure, Mr Bloom unaffectedly concurred. Of course. Our name was changed too, he added, pushing the socalled roll across. The redbearded sailor who had his weather eye on the newcomers boarded Stephen, whom he had singled out for attention in particular, squarely by asking: —And what might your name be? Just in the nick of time Mr Bloom touched his companion's boot but Stephen, apparently disregarding the warm pressure from an unexpected quarter, answered: —Dedalus. The sailor stared at him heavily from a pair of drowsy baggy eyes, rather bunged up from excessive use of boose, preferably good old Hollands and water. —You know Simon Dedalus? he asked at length. —I've heard of him, Stephen said. Mr Bloom was all at sea for a moment, seeing the others evidently eavesdropping too. —He's Irish, the seaman bold affirmed, staring still in much the same way and nodding. All Irish. —All too Irish, Stephen rejoined. As for Mr Bloom he could neither make head or tail of the whole business and he was just asking himself what possible connection when the sailor of his own accord turned to the other occupants of the shelter with the remark: —I seen him shoot two eggs off two bottles at fifty yards over his shoulder. The lefthand dead shot. Though he was slightly hampered by an occasional stammer and his gestures being also clumsy as it was still he did his best to explain. —Bottles out there, say. Fifty yards measured. Eggs on the bottles. Cocks his gun over his shoulder. Aims. He turned his body half round, shut up his right eye completely. Then he screwed his features up someway sideways and glared out into the night with an unprepossessing cast of countenance. —Pom! he then shouted once. The entire audience waited, anticipating an additional detonation, there being still a further egg. —Pom! he shouted twice. Egg two evidently demolished, he nodded and winked, adding bloodthirstily: —Buffalo Bill shoots to kill, Never missed nor he never will. A silence ensued till Mr Bloom for agreeableness' sake just felt like asking him whether it was for a marksmanship competition like the Bisley. —Beg pardon, the sailor said. —Long ago? Mr Bloom pursued without flinching a hairsbreadth. —Why, the sailor replied, relaxing to a certain extent under the magic influence of diamond cut diamond, it might be a matter of ten years. He toured the wide world with Hengler's Royal Circus. I seen him do that in Stockholm. —Curious coincidence, Mr Bloom confided to Stephen unobtrusively. —Murphy's my name, the sailor continued. D. B. Murphy of Carrigaloe. Know where that is? —Queenstown harbour, Stephen replied. —That's right, the sailor said. Fort Camden and Fort Carlisle. That's where I hails from. I belongs there. That's where I hails from. My little woman's down there. She's waiting for me, I know. For England, home and beauty . She's my own true wife I haven't seen for seven years now, sailing about. Mr Bloom could easily picture his advent on this scene, the homecoming to the mariner's roadside shieling after having diddled Davy Jones, a rainy night with a blind moon. Across the world for a wife. Quite a number of stories there were on that particular Alice Ben Bolt topic, Enoch Arden and Rip van Winkle and does anybody hereabouts remember Caoc O'Leary, a favourite and most trying declamation piece by the way of poor John Casey and a bit of perfect poetry in its own small way. Never about the runaway wife coming back, however much devoted to the absentee. The face at the window! Judge of his astonishment when he finally did breast the tape and the awful truth dawned upon him anent his better half, wrecked in his affections. You little expected me but I've come to stay and make a fresh start. There she sits, a grasswidow, at the selfsame fireside. Believes me dead, rocked in the cradle of the deep. And there sits uncle Chubb or Tomkin, as the case might be, the publican of the Crown and Anchor, in shirtsleeves, eating rumpsteak and onions. No chair for father. Broo! The wind! Her brandnew arrival is on her knee, post mortem child. With a high ro! and a randy ro! and my galloping tearing tandy, O! Bow to the inevitable. Grin and bear it. I remain with much love your brokenhearted husband D B Murphy. The sailor, who scarcely seemed to be a Dublin resident, turned to one of the jarvies with the request: —You don't happen to have such a thing as a spare chaw about you? The jarvey addressed as it happened had not but the keeper took a die of plug from his good jacket hanging on a nail and the desired object was passed from hand to hand. —Thank you, the sailor said. He deposited the quid in his gob and, chewing and with some slow stammers, proceeded: —We come up this morning eleven o'clock. The threemaster Rosevean from Bridgwater with bricks. I shipped to get over. Paid off this afternoon. There's my discharge. See? D. B. Murphy. A. B. S. In confirmation of which statement he extricated from an inside pocket and handed to his neighbour a not very cleanlooking folded document. —You must have seen a fair share of the world, the keeper remarked, leaning on the counter. —Why, the sailor answered upon reflection upon it, I've circumnavigated a bit since I first joined on. I was in the Red Sea. I was in China and North America and South America. We was chased by pirates one voyage. I seen icebergs plenty, growlers. I was in Stockholm and the Black Sea, the Dardanelles under Captain Dalton, the best bloody man that ever scuttled a ship. I seen Russia. Gospodi pomilyou . That's how the Russians prays. —You seen queer sights, don't be talking, put in a jarvey. —Why, the sailor said, shifting his partially chewed plug. I seen queer things too, ups and downs. I seen a crocodile bite the fluke of an anchor same as I chew that quid. He took out of his mouth the pulpy quid and, lodging it between his teeth, bit ferociously: —Khaan! Like that. And I seen maneaters in Peru that eats corpses and the livers of horses. Look here. Here they are. A friend of mine sent me. He fumbled out a picture postcard from his inside pocket which seemed to be in its way a species of repository and pushed it along the table. The printed matter on it stated: Choza de Indios. Beni, Bolivia. All focussed their attention at the scene exhibited, a group of savage women in striped loincloths, squatted, blinking, suckling, frowning, sleeping amid a swarm of infants (there must have been quite a score of them) outside some primitive shanties of osier. —Chews coca all day, the communicative tarpaulin added. Stomachs like breadgraters. Cuts off their diddies when they can't bear no more children. See them sitting there stark ballocknaked eating a dead horse's liver raw. His postcard proved a centre of attraction for Messrs the greenhorns for several minutes if not more. —Know how to keep them off? he inquired generally. Nobody volunteering a statement he winked, saying: —Glass. That boggles 'em. Glass. Mr Bloom, without evincing surprise, unostentatiously turned over the card to peruse the partially obliterated address and postmark. It ran as follows: Tarjeta Postal, Señor A Boudin, Galeria Becche, Santiago, Chile. There was no message evidently, as he took particular notice. Though not an implicit believer in the lurid story narrated (or the eggsniping transaction for that matter despite William Tell and the Lazarillo-Don Cesar de Bazan incident depicted in Maritana on which occasion the former's ball passed through the latter's hat) having detected a discrepancy between his name (assuming he was the person he represented himself to be and not sailing under false colours after having boxed the compass on the strict q.t. somewhere) and the fictitious addressee of the missive which made him nourish some suspicions of our friend's bona fides nevertheless it reminded him in a way of a longcherished plan he meant to one day realise some Wednesday or Saturday of travelling to London via long sea not to say that he had ever travelled extensively to any great extent but he was at heart a born adventurer though by a trick of fate he had consistently remained a landlubber except you call going to Holyhead which was his longest. Martin Cunningham frequently said he would work a pass through Egan but some deuced hitch or other eternally cropped up with the net result that the scheme fell through. But even suppose it did come to planking down the needful and breaking Boyd's heart it was not so dear, purse permitting, a few guineas at the outside considering the fare to Mullingar where he figured on going was five and six, there and back. The trip would benefit health on account of the bracing ozone and be in every way thoroughly pleasurable, especially for a chap whose liver was out of order, seeing the different places along the route, Plymouth, Falmouth, Southampton and so on culminating in an instructive tour of the sights of the great metropolis, the spectacle of our modern Babylon where doubtless he would see the greatest improvement, tower, abbey, wealth of Park lane to renew acquaintance with. Another thing just struck him as a by no means bad notion was he might have a gaze around on the spot to see about trying to make arrangements about a concert tour of summer music embracing the most prominent pleasure resorts, Margate with mixed bathing and firstrate hydros and spas, Eastbourne, Scarborough, Margate and so on, beautiful Bournemouth, the Channel islands and similar bijou spots, which might prove highly remunerative. Not, of course, with a hole and corner scratch company or local ladies on the job, witness Mrs C P M'Coy type lend me your valise and I'll post you the ticket. No, something top notch, an all star Irish caste, the Tweedy-Flower grand opera company with his own legal consort as leading lady as a sort of counterblast to the Elster Grimes and Moody-Manners, perfectly simple matter and he was quite sanguine of success, providing puffs in the local papers could be managed by some fellow with a bit of bounce who could pull the indispensable wires and thus combine business with pleasure. But who? That was the rub. Also, without being actually positive, it struck him a great field was to be opened up in the line of opening up new routes to keep pace with the times apropos of the Fishguard-Rosslare route which, it was mooted, was once more on the tapis in the circumlocution departments with the usual quantity of red tape and dillydallying of effete fogeydom and dunderheads generally. A great opportunity there certainly was for push and enterprise to meet the travelling needs of the public at large, the average man, i.e. Brown, Robinson and Co. It was a subject of regret and absurd as well on the face of it and no small blame to our vaunted society that the man in the street, when the system really needed toning up, for the matter of a couple of paltry pounds was debarred from seeing more of the world they lived in instead of being always and ever cooped up since my old stick-in-the-mud took me for a wife. After all, hang it, they had their eleven and more humdrum months of it and merited a radical change of venue after the grind of city life in the summertime for choice when dame Nature is at her spectacular best constituting nothing short of a new lease of life. There were equally excellent opportunities for vacationists in the home island, delightful sylvan spots for rejuvenation, offering a plethora of attractions as well as a bracing tonic for the system in and around Dublin and its picturesque environs even, Poulaphouca to which there was a steamtram, but also farther away from the madding crowd in Wicklow, rightly termed the garden of Ireland, an ideal neighbourhood for elderly wheelmen so long as it didn't come down, and in the wilds of Donegal where if report spoke true the coup d'oeil was exceedingly grand though the lastnamed locality was not easily getatable so that the influx of visitors was not as yet all that it might be considering the signal benefits to be derived from it while Howth with its historic associations and otherwise, Silken Thomas, Grace O'Malley, George IV, rhododendrons several hundred feet above sealevel was a favourite haunt with all sorts and conditions of men especially in the spring when young men's fancy, though it had its own toll of deaths by falling off the cliffs by design or accidentally, usually, by the way, on their left leg, it being only about three quarters of an hour's run from the pillar. Because of course uptodate tourist travelling was as yet merely in its infancy, so to speak, and the accommodation left much to be desired. Interesting to fathom it seemed to him from a motive of curiosity, pure and simple, was whether it was the traffic that created the route or viceversa or the two sides in fact. He turned back the other side of the card, picture, and passed it along to Stephen. —I seen a Chinese one time, related the doughty narrator, that had little pills like putty and he put them in the water and they opened and every pill was something different. One was a ship, another was a house, another was a flower. Cooks rats in your soup, he appetisingly added, the chinks does. Possibly perceiving an expression of dubiosity on their faces the globetrotter went on, adhering to his adventures. —And I seen a man killed in Trieste by an Italian chap. Knife in his back. Knife like that. Whilst speaking he produced a dangerouslooking claspknife quite in keeping with his character and held it in the striking position. —In a knockingshop it was count of a tryon between two smugglers. Fellow hid behind a door, come up behind him. Like that. Prepare to meet your God , says he. Chuk! It went into his back up to the butt. His heavy glance drowsily roaming about kind of defied their further questions even should they by any chance want to. —That's a good bit of steel, repeated he, examining his formidable stiletto . After which harrowing denouement sufficient to appal the stoutest he snapped the blade to and stowed the weapon in question away as before in his chamber of horrors, otherwise pocket. —They're great for the cold steel, somebody who was evidently quite in the dark said for the benefit of them all. That was why they thought the park murders of the invincibles was done by foreigners on account of them using knives. At this remark passed obviously in the spirit of where ignorance is bliss Mr B. and Stephen, each in his own particular way, both instinctively exchanged meaning glances, in a religious silence of the strictly entre nous variety however, towards where Skin-the-Goat, alias the keeper, not turning a hair, was drawing spurts of liquid from his boiler affair. His inscrutable face which was really a work of art, a perfect study in itself, beggaring description, conveyed the impression that he didn't understand one jot of what was going on. Funny, very! There ensued a somewhat lengthy pause. One man was reading in fits and starts a stained by coffee evening journal, another the card with the natives choza de , another the seaman's discharge. Mr Bloom, so far as he was personally concerned, was just pondering in pensive mood. He vividly recollected when the occurrence alluded to took place as well as yesterday, roughly some score of years previously in the days of the land troubles, when it took the civilised world by storm, figuratively speaking, early in the eighties, eightyone to be correct, when he was just turned fifteen. —Ay, boss, the sailor broke in. Give us back them papers. The request being complied with he clawed them up with a scrape. —Have you seen the rock of Gibraltar? Mr Bloom inquired. The sailor grimaced, chewing, in a way that might be read as yes, ay or no. —Ah, you've touched there too, Mr Bloom said, Europa point, thinking he had, in the hope that the rover might possibly by some reminiscences but he failed to do so, simply letting spirt a jet of spew into the sawdust, and shook his head with a sort of lazy scorn. —What year would that be about? Mr B interrogated. Can you recall the boats? Our soi-disant sailor munched heavily awhile hungrily before answering: —I'm tired of all them rocks in the sea, he said, and boats and ships. Salt junk all the time. Tired seemingly, he ceased. His questioner perceiving that he was not likely to get a great deal of change out of such a wily old customer, fell to woolgathering on the enormous dimensions of the water about the globe, suffice it to say that, as a casual glance at the map revealed, it covered fully three fourths of it and he fully realised accordingly what it meant to rule the waves. On more than one occasion, a dozen at the lowest, near the North Bull at Dollymount he had remarked a superannuated old salt, evidently derelict, seated habitually near the not particularly redolent sea on the wall, staring quite obliviously at it and it at him, dreaming of fresh woods and pastures new as someone somewhere sings. And it left him wondering why. Possibly he had tried to find out the secret for himself, floundering up and down the antipodes and all that sort of thing and over and under, well, not exactly under, tempting the fates. And the odds were twenty to nil there was really no secret about it at all. Nevertheless, without going into the minutiae of the business, the eloquent fact remained that the sea was there in all its glory and in the natural course of things somebody or other had to sail on it and fly in the face of providence though it merely went to show how people usually contrived to load that sort of onus on to the other fellow like the hell idea and the lottery and insurance which were run on identically the same lines so that for that very reason if no other lifeboat Sunday was a highly laudable institution to which the public at large, no matter where living inland or seaside, as the case might be, having it brought home to them like that should extend its gratitude also to the harbourmasters and coastguard service who had to man the rigging and push off and out amid the elements whatever the season when duty called Ireland expects that every man and so on and sometimes had a terrible time of it in the wintertime not forgetting the Irish lights, Kish and others, liable to capsize at any moment, rounding which he once with his daughter had experienced some remarkably choppy, not to say stormy, weather. —There was a fellow sailed with me in the Rover, the old seadog, himself a rover, proceeded, went ashore and took up a soft job as gentleman's valet at six quid a month. Them are his trousers I've on me and he gave me an oilskin and that jackknife. I'm game for that job, shaving and brushup. I hate roaming about. There's my son now, Danny, run off to sea and his mother got him took in a draper's in Cork where he could be drawing easy money. —What age is he? queried one hearer who, by the way, seen from the side, bore a distant resemblance to Henry Campbell, the townclerk, away from the carking cares of office, unwashed of course and in a seedy getup and a strong suspicion of nosepaint about the nasal appendage. —Why, the sailor answered with a slow puzzled utterance, my son, Danny? He'd be about eighteen now, way I figure it. The Skibbereen father hereupon tore open his grey or unclean anyhow shirt with his two hands and scratched away at his chest on which was to be seen an image tattooed in blue Chinese ink intended to represent an anchor. —There was lice in that bunk in Bridgwater, he remarked, sure as nuts. I must get a wash tomorrow or next day. It's them black lads I objects to. I hate those buggers. Suck your blood dry, they does. Seeing they were all looking at his chest he accommodatingly dragged his shirt more open so that on top of the timehonoured symbol of the mariner's hope and rest they had a full view of the figure 16 and a young man's sideface looking frowningly rather. —Tattoo, the exhibitor explained. That was done when we were Iying becalmed off Odessa in the Black Sea under Captain Dalton. Fellow, the name of Antonio, done that. There he is himself, a Greek. —Did it hurt much doing it? one asked the sailor. That worthy, however, was busily engaged in collecting round the. Someway in his. Squeezing or. —See here, he said, showing Antonio. There he is cursing the mate. And there he is now, he added, the same fellow, pulling the skin with his fingers, some special knack evidently, and he laughing at a yarn. And in point of fact the young man named Antonio's livid face did actually look like forced smiling and the curious effect excited the unreserved admiration of everybody including Skin-the-Goat, who this time stretched over. —Ay, ay, sighed the sailor, looking down on his manly chest. He's gone too. Ate by sharks after. Ay, ay. He let go of the skin so that the profile resumed the normal expression of before. —Neat bit of work, one longshoreman said. —And what's the number for? loafer number two queried. —Eaten alive? a third asked the sailor. —Ay, ay, sighed again the latter personage, more cheerily this time with some sort of a half smile for a brief duration only in the direction of the questioner about the number. Ate. A Greek he was. And then he added with rather gallowsbird humour considering his alleged end: —As bad as old Antonio, For he left me on my ownio. The face of a streetwalker glazed and haggard under a black straw hat peered askew round the door of the shelter palpably reconnoitring on her own with the object of bringing more grist to her mill. Mr Bloom, scarcely knowing which way to look, turned away on the moment flusterfied but outwardly calm, and, picking up from the table the pink sheet of the Abbey street organ which the jarvey, if such he was, had laid aside, he picked it up and looked at the pink of the paper though why pink. His reason for so doing was he recognised on the moment round the door the same face he had caught a fleeting glimpse of that afternoon on Ormond quay, the partially idiotic female, namely, of the lane who knew the lady in the brown costume does be with you (Mrs B.) and begged the chance of his washing. Also why washing which seemed rather vague than not, your washing. Still candour compelled him to admit he had washed his wife's undergarments when soiled in Holles street and women would and did too a man's similar garments initialled with Bewley and Draper's marking ink (hers were, that is) if they really loved him, that is to say, love me, love my dirty shirt. Still just then, being on tenterhooks, he desired the female's room more than her company so it came as a genuine relief when the keeper made her a rude sign to take herself off. Round the side of the Evening Telegraph he just caught a fleeting glimpse of her face round the side of the door with a kind of demented glassy grin showing that she was not exactly all there, viewing with evident amusement the group of gazers round skipper Murphy's nautical chest and then there was no more of her. —The gunboat, the keeper said. —It beats me, Mr Bloom confided to Stephen, medically I am speaking, how a wretched creature like that from the Lock hospital reeking with disease can be barefaced enough to solicit or how any man in his sober senses, if he values his health in the least. Unfortunate creature! Of course I suppose some man is ultimately responsible for her condition. Still no matter what the cause is from... Stephen had not noticed her and shrugged his shoulders, merely remarking: —In this country people sell much more than she ever had and do a roaring trade. Fear not them that sell the body but have not power to buy the soul. She is a bad merchant. She buys dear and sells cheap. The elder man, though not by any manner of means an old maid or a prude, said it was nothing short of a crying scandal that ought to be put a stop to instanter to say that women of that stamp (quite apart from any oldmaidish squeamishness on the subject), a necessary evil, w ere not licensed and medically inspected by the proper authorities, a thing, he could truthfully state, he, as a paterfamilias , was a stalwart advocate of from the very first start. Whoever embarked on a policy of the sort, he said, and ventilated the matter thoroughly would confer a lasting boon on everybody concerned. —You as a good catholic, he observed, talking of body and soul, believe in the soul. Or do you mean the intelligence, the brainpower as such, as distinct from any outside object, the table, let us say, that cup. I believe in that myself because it has been explained by competent men as the convolutions of the grey matter. Otherwise we would never have such inventions as X rays, for instance. Do you? Thus cornered, Stephen had to make a superhuman effort of memory to try and concentrate and remember before he could say: —They tell me on the best authority it is a simple substance and therefore incorruptible. It would be immortal, I understand, but for the possibility of its annihilation by its First Cause Who, from all I can hear, is quite capable of adding that to the number of His other practical jokes, corruptio per se and corruptio per accidens both being excluded by court etiquette. Mr Bloom thoroughly acquiesced in the general gist of this though the mystical finesse involved was a bit out of his sublunary depth still he felt bound to enter a demurrer on the head of simple, promptly rejoining: —Simple? I shouldn't think that is the proper word. Of course, I grant you, to concede a point, you do knock across a simple soul once in a blue moon. But what I am anxious to arrive at is it is one thing for instance to invent those rays Rontgen did or the telescope like Edison, though I believe it was before his time Galileo was the man, I mean, and the same applies to the laws, for example, of a farreaching natural phenomenon such as electricity but it's a horse of quite another colour to say you believe in the existence of a supernatural God. —O that, Stephen expostulated, has been proved conclusively by several of the bestknown passages in Holy Writ, apart from circumstantial evidence. On this knotty point however the views of the pair, poles apart as they were both in schooling and everything else with the marked difference in their respective ages, clashed. —Has been? the more experienced of the two objected, sticking to his original point with a smile of unbelief. I'm not so sure about that. That's a matter for everyman's opinion and, without dragging in the sectarian side of the business, I beg to differ with you in toto there. My belief is, to tell you the candid truth, that those bits were genuine forgeries all of them put in by monks most probably or it's the big question of our national poet over again, who precisely wrote them like Hamlet and Bacon, as, you who know your Shakespeare infinitely better than I, of course I needn't tell you. Can't you drink that coffee, by the way? Let me stir it. And take a piece of that bun. It's like one of our skipper's bricks disguised. Still no-one can give what he hasn't got. Try a bit. —Couldn't, Stephen contrived to get out, his mental organs for the moment refusing to dictate further. Faultfinding being a proverbially bad hat Mr Bloom thought well to stir or try to the clotted sugar from the bottom and reflected with something approaching acrimony on the Coffee Palace and its temperance (and lucrative) work. To be sure it was a legitimate object and beyond yea or nay did a world of good, shelters such as the present one they were in run on teetotal lines for vagrants at night, concerts, dramatic evenings and useful lectures (admittance free) by qualified men for the lower orders. On the other hand he had a distinct and painful recollection they paid his wife, Madam Marion Tweedy who had been prominently associated with it at one time, a very modest remuneration indeed for her pianoplaying. The idea, he was strongly inclined to believe, was to do good and net a profit, there being no competition to speak of. Sulphate of copper poison SO4 or something in some dried peas he remembered reading of in a cheap eatinghouse somewhere but he couldn't remember when it was or where. Anyhow inspection, medical inspection, of all eatables seemed to him more than ever necessary which possibly accounted for the vogue of Dr Tibble's Vi-Cocoa on account of the medical analysis involved. —Have a shot at it now, he ventured to say of the coffee after being stirred. Thus prevailed on to at any rate taste it Stephen lifted the heavy mug from the brown puddle it clopped out of when taken up by the handle and took a sip of the offending beverage. —Still it's solid food, his good genius urged, I'm a stickler for solid food, his one and only reason being not gormandising in the least but regular meals as the sine qua non for any kind of proper work, mental or manual. You ought to eat more solid food. You would feel a different man. —Liquids I can eat, Stephen said. But O, oblige me by taking away that knife. I can't look at the point of it. It reminds me of Roman history. Mr Bloom promptly did as suggested and removed the incriminated article, a blunt hornhandled ordinary knife with nothing particularly Roman or antique about it to the lay eye, observing that the point was the least conspicuous point about it. —Our mutual friend's stories are like himself, Mr Bloom apropos of knives remarked to his confidante sotto voce . Do you think they are genuine? He could spin those yarns for hours on end all night long and lie like old boots. Look at him. Yet still though his eyes were thick with sleep and sea air life was full of a host of things and coincidences of a terrible nature and it was quite within the bounds of possibility that it was not an entire fabrication though at first blush there was not much inherent probability in all the spoof he got off his chest being strictly accurate gospel. He had been meantime taking stock of the individual in front of him and Sherlockholmesing him up ever since he clapped eyes on him. Though a wellpreserved man of no little stamina, if a trifle prone to baldness, there was something spurious in the cut of his jib that suggested a jail delivery and it required no violent stretch of imagination to associate such a weirdlooking specimen with the oakum and treadmill fraternity. He might even have done for his man supposing it was his own case he told, as people often did about others, namely, that he killed him himself and had served his four or five goodlooking years in durance vile to say nothing of the Antonio personage (no relation to the dramatic personage of identical name who sprang from the pen of our national poet) who expiated his crimes in the melodramatic manner above described. On the other hand he might be only bluffing, a pardonable weakness because meeting unmistakable mugs, Dublin residents, like those jarvies waiting news from abroad would tempt any ancient mariner who sailed the ocean seas to draw the long bow about the schooner Hesperus and etcetera. And when all was said and done the lies a fellow told about himself couldn't probably hold a proverbial candle to the wholesale whoppers other fellows coined about him. —Mind you, I'm not saying that it's all a pure invention, he resumed. Analogous scenes are occasionally, if not often, met with. Giants, though that is rather a far cry, you see once in a way, Marcella the midget queen. In those waxworks in Henry street I myself saw some Aztecs, as they are called, sitting bowlegged, they couldn't straighten their legs if you paid them because the muscles here, you see, he proceeded, indicating on his companion the brief outline of the sinews or whatever you like to call them behind the right knee, were utterly powerless from sitting that way so long cramped up, being adored as gods. There's an example again of simple souls. However reverting to friend Sinbad and his horrifying adventures (who reminded him a bit of Ludwig, alias Ledwidge, when he occupied the boards of the Gaiety when Michael Gunn was identified with the management in the Flying Dutchman , a stupendous success, and his host of admirers came in large numbers, everyone simply flocking to hear him though ships of any sort, phantom or the reverse, on the stage usually fell a bit flat as also did trains) there was nothing intrinsically incompatible about it, he conceded. On the contrary that stab in the back touch was quite in keeping with those italianos though candidly he was none the less free to admit those icecreamers and friers in the fish way not to mention the chip potato variety and so forth over in little Italy there near the Coombe were sober thrifty hardworking fellows except perhaps a bit too given to pothunting the harmless necessary animal of the feline persuasion of others at night so as to have a good old succulent tuckin with garlic de rigueur off him or her next day on the quiet and, he added, on the cheap. —Spaniards, for instance, he continued, passionate temperaments like that, impetuous as Old Nick, are given to taking the law into their own hands and give you your quietus doublequick with those poignards they carry in the abdomen. It comes from the great heat, climate generally. My wife is, so to speak, Spanish, half that is. Point of fact she could actually claim Spanish nationality if she wanted, having been born in (technically) Spain, i.e. Gibraltar. She has the Spanish type. Quite dark, regular brunette, black. I for one certainly believe climate accounts for character. That's why I asked you if you wrote your poetry in Italian. —The temperaments at the door, Stephen interposed with, were very passionate about ten shillings. Roberto ruba roba sua . —Quite so, Mr Bloom dittoed. —Then, Stephen said staring and rambling on to himself or some unknown listener somewhere, we have the impetuosity of Dante and the isosceles triangle miss Portinari he fell in love with and Leonardo and san Tommaso Mastino. —It's in the blood, Mr Bloom acceded at once. All are washed in the blood of the sun. Coincidence I just happened to be in the Kildare street museum 890 today, shortly prior to our meeting if I can so call it, and I was just looking at those antique statues there. The splendid proportions of hips, bosom. You simply don't knock against those kind of women here. An exception here and there. Handsome yes, pretty in a way you find but what I'm talking about is the female form. Besides they have so little taste in dress, most of them, which greatly enhances a woman's natural beauty, no matter what you say. Rumpled stockings, it may be, possibly is, a foible of mine but still it's a thing I simply hate to see. Interest, however, was starting to flag somewhat all round and then the others got on to talking about accidents at sea, ships lost in a fog, goo collisions with icebergs, all that sort of thing. Shipahoy of course had his own say to say. He had doubled the cape a few odd times and weathered a monsoon, a kind of wind, in the China seas and through all those perils of the deep there was one thing, he declared, stood to him or words to that effect, a pious medal he had that saved him. So then after that they drifted on to the wreck off Daunt's rock, wreck of that illfated Norwegian barque nobody could think of her name for the moment till the jarvey who had really quite a look of Henry Campbell remembered it Palme on Booterstown strand. That was the talk of the town that year (Albert William Quill wrote a fine piece of original verse of 910 distinctive merit on the topic for the Irish Times ), breakers running over her and crowds and crowds on the shore in commotion petrified with horror. Then someone said something about the case of the s. s. Lady Cairns of Swansea run into by the Mona which was on an opposite tack in rather muggyish weather and lost with all hands on deck. No aid was given. Her master, the Mona's , said he was afraid his collision bulkhead would give way. She had no water, it appears, in her hold. At this stage an incident happened. It having become necessary for him to unfurl a reef the sailor vacated his seat. —Let me cross your bows mate, he said to his neighbour who was just gently dropping off into a peaceful doze. He made tracks heavily, slowly with a dumpy sort of a gait to the door, stepped heavily down the one step there was out of the shelter and bore due left. While he was in the act of getting his bearings Mr Bloom who noticed when he stood up that he had two flasks of presumably ship's rum sticking one out of each pocket for the private consumption of his burning interior, saw him produce a bottle and uncork it or unscrew and, applying its nozz1e to his lips, take a good old delectable swig out of it with a gurgling noise. The irrepressible Bloom, who also had a shrewd suspicion that the old stager went out on a manoeuvre after the counterattraction in the shape of a female who however had disappeared to all intents and purposes, could by straining just perceive him, when duly refreshed by his rum puncheon exploit, gaping up at the piers and girders of the Loop line rather out of his depth as of course it was all radically altered since his last visit and greatly improved. Some person or persons invisible directed him to the male urinal erected by the cleansing committee all over the place for the purpose but after a brief space of time during which silence reigned supreme the sailor, evidently giving it a wide berth, eased himself closer at hand, the noise of his bilgewater some little time subsequently splashing on the ground where it apparently awoke a horse of the cabrank. A hoof scooped anyway for new foothold after sleep and harness jingled. Slightly disturbed in his sentrybox by the brazier of live coke the watcher of the corporation stones who, though now broken down and fast breaking up, was none other in stern reality than the Gumley aforesaid, now practically on the parish rates, given the temporary job by Pat Tobin in all human probability from dictates of humanity knowing him before shifted about and shuffled in his box before composing his limbs again in to the arms of Morpheus, a truly amazing piece of hard lines in its most virulent form on a fellow most respectably connected and familiarised with decent home comforts all his life who came in for a cool 100 pounds a year at one time which of course the doublebarrelled ass proceeded to make general ducks and drakes of. And there he was at the end of his tether after having often painted the town tolerably pink without a beggarly stiver. He drank needless to be told and it pointed only once more a moral when he might quite easily be in a large way of business if—a big if, however—he had contrived to cure himself of his particular partiality. All meantime were loudly lamenting the falling off in Irish shipping, coastwise and foreign as well, which was all part and parcel of the same thing. A Palgrave Murphy boat was put off the ways at Alexandra basin, the only launch that year. Right enough the harbours were there only no ships ever called. There were wrecks and wreckers, the keeper said, who was evidently au fait . What he wanted to ascertain was why that ship ran bang against the only rock in Galway bay when the Galway harbour scheme was mooted by a Mr Worthington or some name like that, eh? Ask the then captain, he advised them, how much palmoil the British government gave him for that day's work, Captain John Lever of the Lever Line. —Am I right, skipper? he queried of the sailor, now returning after his private potation and the rest of his exertions. That worthy picking up the scent of the fagend of the song or words growled in wouldbe music but with great vim some kind of chanty or other in seconds or thirds. Mr Bloom's sharp ears heard him then expectorate the plug probably (which it was), so that he must have lodged it for the time being in his fist while he did the drinking and making water jobs and found it a bit sour after the liquid fire in question. Anyhow in he rolled after his successful libation- cum -potation, introducing an atmosphere of drink into the soirée , boisterously trolling, like a veritable son of a seacook: After which effusion the redoubtable specimen duly arrived on the scene and regaining his seat he sank rather than sat heavily on the form provided. Skin-the-Goat, assuming he was he, evidently with an axe to grind, was airing his grievances in a forcible-feeble philippic anent the natural resources of Ireland or something of that sort which he described in his lengthy dissertation as the richest country bar none on the face of God's earth, far and away superior to England, with coal in large quantities, six million pounds worth of pork exported every year, ten millions between butter and eggs and all the riches drained out of it by England levying taxes on the poor people that paid through the nose always and gobbling up the best meat in the market and a lot more surplus steam in the same vein. Their conversation accordingly became general and all agreed that that was a fact. You could grow any mortal thing in Irish soil, he stated, and there was that colonel Everard down there in Navan growing tobacco. Where would you find anywhere the like of Irish bacon? But a day of reckoning, he stated crescendo with no uncertain voice, thoroughly monopolising all the conversation, was in store for mighty England, despite her power of pelf on account of her crimes. There would be a fall and the greatest fall in history. The Germans and the Japs were going to have their little lookin, he affirmed. The Boers were the beginning of the end. Brummagem England was toppling already and her downfall would be Ireland, her Achilles heel, which he explained to them about the vulnerable point of Achilles, the Greek hero, a point his auditors at once seized as he completely gripped their attention by showing the tendon referred to on his boot. His advice to every Irishman was: stay in the land of your birth and work for Ireland and live for Ireland. Ireland, Parnell said, could not spare a single one of her sons. Silence all round marked the termination of his finale . The impervious navigator heard these lurid tidings, undismayed. —Take a bit of doing, boss, retaliated that rough diamond palpably a bit peeved in response to the foregoing truism. To which cold douche referring to downfall and so on the keeper concurred but nevertheless held to his main view. —Who's the best troops in the army? the grizzled old veteran irately interrogated. And the best jumpers and racers? And the best admirals and generals we've got? Tell me that. —The Irish, for choice, retorted the cabby like Campbell, facial blemishes apart. —That's right, the old tarpaulin corroborated. The Irish catholic peasant. He's the backbone of our empire. You know Jem Mullins? While allowing him his individual opinions as everyman the keeper added he cared nothing for any empire, ours or his, and considered no Irishman worthy of his salt that served it. Then they began to have a few irascible words when it waxed hotter, both, needless to say, appealing to the listeners who followed the passage of arms with interest so long as they didn't indulge in recriminations and come to blows. From inside information extending over a series of years Mr Bloom was rather inclined to poohpooh the suggestion as egregious balderdash for, pending that consummation devoutly to be or not to be wished for, he was fully cognisant of the fact that their neighbours across the channel, unless they were much bigger fools than he took them for, rather concealed their strength than the opposite. It was quite on a par with the quixotic idea in certain quarters that in a hundred million years the coal seam of the sister island would be played out and if, as time went on, that turned out to be how the cat jumped all he could personally say on the matter was that as a host of contingencies, equally relevant to the issue, might occur ere then it was highly advisable in the interim to try to make the most of both countries even though poles apart. Another little interesting point, the amours of whores and chummies, to put it in common parlance, reminded him Irish soldiers had as often fought for England as against her, more so, in fact. And now, why? So the scene between the pair of them, the licensee of the place rumoured to be or have been Fitzharris, the famous invincible, and the other, obviously bogus, reminded him forcibly as being on all fours with the confidence trick, supposing, that is, it was prearranged as the lookeron, a student of the human soul if anything, the others seeing least of the game. And as for the lessee or keeper, who probably wasn't the other person at all, he (B.) couldn't help feeling and most properly it was better to give people like that the goby unless you were a blithering idiot altogether and refuse to have anything to do with them as a golden rule in private life and their felonsetting, there always being the offchance of a Dannyman coming forward and turning queen's evidence or king's now like Denis or Peter Carey, an idea he utterly repudiated. Quite apart from that he disliked those careers of wrongdoing and crime on principle. Yet, though such criminal propensities had never been an inmate of his bosom in any shape or form, he certainly did feel and no denying it (while inwardly remaining what he was) a certain kind of admiration for a man who had actually brandished a knife, cold steel, with the courage of his political convictions (though, personally, he would never be a party to any such thing), off the same bat as those love vendettas of the south, have her or swing for her, when the husband frequently, after some words passed between the two concerning her relations with the other lucky mortal (he having had the pair watched), inflicted fatal injuries on his adored one as a result of an alternative postnuptial liaison by plunging his knife into her, until it just struck him that Fitz, nicknamed Skin-the-Goat, merely drove the car for the actual perpetrators of the outrage and so was not, if he was reliably informed, actually party to the ambush which, in point of fact, was the plea some legal luminary saved his skin on. In any case that was very ancient history by now and as for our friend, the pseudo Skin-the-etcetera, he had transparently outlived his welcome. He ought to have either died naturally or on the scaffold high. Like actresses, always farewell positively last performance then come up smiling again. Generous to a fault of course, temperamental, no economising or any idea of the sort, always snapping at the bone for the shadow. So similarly he had a very shrewd suspicion that Mr Johnny Lever got rid of some l s d. in the course of his perambulations round the docks in the congenial atmosphere of the Old Ireland tavern, come back to Erin and so on. Then as for the other he had heard not so long before the same identical lingo as he told Stephen how he simply but effectually silenced the offender. —He took umbrage at something or other, that muchinjured but on the whole eventempered person declared, I let slip. He called me a jew and in a heated fashion offensively. So I without deviating from plain facts in the least told him his God, I mean Christ, was a jew too and all his family like me though in reality I'm not. That was one for him. A soft answer turns away wrath. He hadn't a word to say for himself as everyone saw. Am I not right? He turned a long you are wrong gaze on Stephen of timorous dark pride at the soft impeachment with a glance also of entreaty for he seemed to glean in a kind of a way that it wasn't all exactly. — Ex quibus , Stephen mumbled in a noncommittal accent, their two or four eyes conversing, Christus or Bloom his name is or after all any other, secundum carnem . —Of course, Mr B. proceeded to stipulate, you must look at both sides of the question. It is hard to lay down any hard and fast rules as to right and wrong but room for improvement all round there certainly is though every country, they say, our own distressful included, has the government it deserves. But with a little goodwill all round. It's all very fine to boast of mutual superiority but what about mutual equality. I resent violence and intolerance in any shape or form. It never reaches anything or stops anything. A revolution must come on the due instalments plan. It's a patent absurdity on the face of it to hate people because they live round the corner and speak another vernacular, in the next house so to speak. —Memorable bloody bridge battle and seven minutes' war, Stephen assented, between Skinner's alley and Ormond market. Yes, Mr Bloom thoroughly agreed, entirely endorsing the remark, that was overwhelmingly right. And the whole world was full of that sort of thing. —You just took the words out of my mouth, he said. A hocuspocus of conflicting evidence that candidly you couldn't remotely... All those wretched quarrels, in his humble opinion, stirring up bad blood, from some bump of combativeness or gland of some kind, erroneously supposed to be about a punctilio of honour and a flag, were very largely a question of the money question which was at the back of everything greed and jealousy, people never knowing when to stop. —They accuse, remarked he audibly. He turned away from the others who probably and spoke nearer to, so as the others in case they. —Jews, he softly imparted in an aside in Stephen's ear, are accused of ruining. Not a vestige of truth in it, I can safely say. History, would you be surprised to learn, proves up to the hilt Spain decayed when the inquisition hounded the jews out and England prospered when Cromwell, an uncommonly able ruffian who in other respects has much to answer for, imported them. Why? Because they are imbued with the proper spirit. They are practical and are proved to be so. I don't want to indulge in any because you know the standard works on the subject and then orthodox as you are. But in the economic, not touching religion, domain the priest spells poverty. Spain again, you saw in the war, compared with goahead America. Turks. It's in the dogma. Because if they didn't believe they'd go straight to heaven when they die they'd try to live better, at least so I think. That's the juggle on which the p.p's raise the wind on false pretences. I'm, he resumed with dramatic force, as good an Irishman as that rude person I told you about at the outset and I want to see everyone, concluded he, all creeds and classes pro rata having a comfortable tidysized income, in no niggard fashion either, something in the neighbourhood of 300 pounds per annum. That's the vital issue at stake and it's feasible and would be provocative of friendlier intercourse between man and man. At least that's my idea for what it's worth. I call that patriotism. Ubi patria , as we learned a smattering of in our classical days in Alma Mater, vita bene . Where you can live well, the sense is, if you work. Over his untastable apology for a cup of coffee, listening to this synopsis of things in general, Stephen stared at nothing in particular. He could hear, of course, all kinds of words changing colour like those crabs about Ringsend in the morning burrowing quickly into all colours of different sorts of the same sand where they had a home somewhere beneath or seemed to. Then he looked up and saw the eyes that said or didn't say the words the voice he heard said, if you work. —Count me out, he managed to remark, meaning work. The eyes were surprised at this observation because as he, the person who owned them pro tem. observed or rather his voice speaking did, all must work, have to, together. —I mean, of course, the other hastened to affirm, work in the widest possible sense. Also literary labour not merely for the kudos of the thing. Writing for the newspapers which is the readiest channel nowadays. That's work too. Important work. After all, from the little I know of you, after all the money expended on your education you are entitled to recoup yourself and command your price. You have every bit as much right to live by your pen in pursuit of your philosophy as the peasant has. What? You both belong to Ireland, the brain and the brawn. Each is equally important. —You suspect, Stephen retorted with a sort of a half laugh, that I may be important because I belong to the faubourg Saint Patrice called Ireland for short. —I would go a step farther, Mr Bloom insinuated. —But I suspect, Stephen interrupted, that Ireland must be important because it belongs to me. —What belongs, queried Mr Bloom bending, fancying he was perhaps under some misapprehension. Excuse me. Unfortunately, I didn't catch the latter portion. What was it you...? Stephen, patently crosstempered, repeated and shoved aside his mug of coffee or whatever you like to call it none too politely, adding: 1170 —We can't change the country. Let us change the subject. At this pertinent suggestion Mr Bloom, to change the subject, looked down but in a quandary, as he couldn't tell exactly what construction to put on belongs to which sounded rather a far cry. The rebuke of some kind was clearer than the other part. Needless to say the fumes of his recent orgy spoke then with some asperity in a curious bitter way foreign to his sober state. Probably the homelife to which Mr B attached the utmost importance had not been all that was needful or he hadn't been familiarised with the right sort of people. With a touch of fear for the young man beside him whom he furtively scrutinised with an air of some consternation remembering he had just come back from Paris, the eyes more especially reminding him forcibly of father and sister, failing to throw much light on the subject, however, he brought to mind instances of cultured fellows that promised so brilliantly nipped in the bud of premature decay and nobody to blame but themselves. For instance there was the case of O'Callaghan, for one, the halfcrazy faddist, respectably connected though of inadequate means, with his mad vagaries among whose other gay doings when rotto and making himself a nuisance to everybody all round he was in the habit of ostentatiously sporting in public a suit of brown paper (a fact). And then the usual denouement after the fun had gone on fast and furious he got 1190 landed into hot water and had to be spirited away by a few friends, after a strong hint to a blind horse from John Mallon of Lower Castle Yard, so as not to be made amenable under section two of the criminal law amendment act, certain names of those subpoenaed being handed in but not divulged for reasons which will occur to anyone with a pick of brains. Briefly, putting two and two together, six sixteen which he pointedly turned a deaf ear to, Antonio and so forth, jockeys and esthetes and the tattoo which was all the go in the seventies or thereabouts even in the house of lords because early in life the occupant of the throne, then heir apparent, the other members of the upper ten and other high personages simply following in the footsteps of the head of the state, he reflected about the errors of notorieties and crowned heads running counter to morality such as the Cornwall case a number of years before under their veneer in a way scarcely intended by nature, a thing good Mrs Grundy, as the law stands, was terribly down on though not for the reason they thought they were probably whatever it was except women chiefly who were always fiddling more or less at one another it being largely a matter of dress and all the rest of it. Ladies who like distinctive underclothing should, and every welltailored man must, trying to make the gap wider between them by innuendo and give more of a genuine filip to acts of impropriety between the two, she unbuttoned his and then he untied her, mind the pin, whereas savages in the cannibal islands, say, at ninety degrees in the shade not caring a continental. However, reverting to the original, there were on the other hand others who had forced their way to the top from the lowest rung by the aid of their bootstraps. Sheer force of natural genius, that. With brains, sir. For which and further reasons he felt it was his interest and duty even to wait on and profit by the unlookedfor occasion though why he could not exactly tell being as it was already several shillings to the bad having in fact let himself in for it. Still to cultivate the acquaintance of someone of no uncommon calibre who could provide food for reflection would amply repay any small. Intellectual stimulation, as such, was, he felt, from time to time a firstrate tonic for the mind. Added to which was the coincidence of meeting, discussion, dance, row, old salt of the here today and gone tomorrow type, night loafers, the whole galaxy of events, all went to make up a miniature cameo of the world we live in especially as the lives of the submerged tenth, viz. coalminers, divers, scavengers etc., were very much under the microscope lately. To improve the shining hour he wondered whether he might meet with anything approaching the same luck as Mr Philip Beaufoy if taken down in writing suppose he were to pen something out of the common groove (as he fully intended doing) at the rate of one guinea per column. My Experiences , let us say, in a Cabman's Shelter . The pink edition extra sporting of the Telegraph tell a graphic lie lay, as luck would have it, beside his elbow and as he was just puzzling again, far from satisfied, over a country belonging to him and the preceding rebus the vessel came from Bridgwater and the postcard was addressed A. Boudin find the captain's age, his eyes went aimlessly over the respective captions which came under his special province the allembracing give us this day our daily press. First he got a bit of a start but it turned out to be only something about somebody named H. du Boyes, agent for typewriters or something like that. Great battle, Tokio. Lovemaking in Irish, 200 pounds damages. Gordon Bennett. Emigration Swindle. Letter from His Grace. William. Ascot meeting, the Gold Cup. Victory of outsider Throwaway recalls Derby of '92 when Capt. Marshall's dark horse Sir Hugo captured the blue ribband at long odds. New York disaster. Thousand lives lost. Foot and Mouth. Funeral of the late Mr Patrick Dignam. So to change the subject he read about Dignam R. I. P. which, he reflected, was anything but a gay sendoff. Or a change of address anyway. — This morning (Hynes put it in of course) the remains of the late Mr Patrick Dignam were removed from his residence, no 9 Newbridge Avenue, Sandymount, for interment in Glasnevin. The deceased gentleman was a most popular and genial personality in city life and his demise after a brief illness came as a great shock to citizens of all classes by whom he is deeply regretted. The obsequies, at which many friends of the deceased were present, were carried out (certainly Hynes wrote it with a nudge from Corny) by Messrs H. J. O'Neill and Son, 164 North Strand Road. The mourners included: Patk. Dignam (son), Bernard Corrigan (brother-in-law), Jno. Henry Menton, solr, Martin Cunningham, John Power, eatondph 1/8 ador dorador douradora (must be where he called Monks the dayfather about Keyes's ad) Thomas Kernan, Simon Dedalus, Stephen Dedalus B.,4., Edw. J. Lambert, Cornelius T. Kelleher, Joseph M'C Hynes, L. Boom, CP M'Coy,—M'lntosh and several others . Nettled not a little by L. Boom (as it incorrectly stated) and the line of bitched type but tickled to death simultaneously by C. P. M'Coy and Stephen Dedalus B. A. who were conspicuous, needless to say, by their total absence (to say nothing of M'Intosh) L. Boom pointed it out to his companion B. A. engaged in stifling another yawn, half nervousness, not forgetting the usual crop of nonsensical howlers of misprints. —Is that first epistle to the Hebrews, he asked as soon as his bottom jaw would let him, in? Text: open thy mouth and put thy foot in it. —It is. Really, Mr Bloom said (though first he fancied he alluded to the archbishop till he added about foot and mouth with which there could be no possible connection) overjoyed to set his mind at rest and a bit flabbergasted at Myles Crawford's after all managing to. There. While the other was reading it on page two Boom (to give him for the nonce his new misnomer) whiled away a few odd leisure moments in fits and starts with the account of the third event at Ascot on page three, his side. Value 1000 sovs with 3000 sovs in specie added. For entire colts and fillies. Mr F. Alexander's Throwaway , b. h. by Rightaway , 5 yrs, 9 st 4 lbs (W. Lane) 1, lord Howard de Walden's Zinfandel (M. Cannon) z, Mr W. Bass's Sceptre 3. Betting 5 to 4 on Zinfandel , 20 to 1 Throwaway (off). Sceptre a shade heavier, 5 to 4 on Zinfandel , 20 to 1 Throwaway (off). Throwaway and Zinfandel stood close order. It was anybody's race then the rank outsider drew to the fore, got long lead, beating lord Howard de Walden's chestnut colt and Mr W. Bass's bay filly Sceptre on a 2 1/2 mile course. Winner trained by Braime so that Lenehan's version of the business was all pure buncombe. Secured the verdict cleverly by a length. 1000 sovs with 3000 in specie. Also ran: J de Bremond's (French horse Bantam Lyons was anxiously inquiring after not in yet but expected any minute) Maximum II . Different ways of bringing off a coup. Lovemaking damages. Though that halfbaked Lyons ran off at a tangent in his impetuosity to get left. Of course gambling eminently lent itself to that sort of thing though as the event turned out the poor fool hadn't much reason to congratulate himself on his pick, the forlorn hope. Guesswork it reduced itself to eventually. —There was every indication they would arrive at that, he, Bloom, said. —Who? the other, whose hand by the way was hurt, said. One morning you would open the paper, the cabman affirmed, and read: Return of Parnell . He bet them what they liked. A Dublin fusilier was in that shelter one night and said he saw him in South Africa. Pride it was killed him. He ought to have done away with himself or lain low for a time after committee room no 15 until he was his old self again with no-one to point a finger at him. Then they would all to a man have gone down on their marrowbones to him to come back when he had recovered his senses. Dead he wasn't. Simply absconded somewhere. The coffin they brought over was full of stones. He changed his name to De Wet, the Boer general. He made a mistake to fight the priests. And so forth and so on. All the same Bloom (properly so dubbed) was rather surprised at their memories for in nine cases out of ten it was a case of tarbarrels and not singly but in their thousands and then complete oblivion because it was twenty odd years. Highly unlikely of course there was even a shadow of truth in the stones and, even supposing, he thought a return highly inadvisable, all things considered. Something evidently riled them in his death. Either he petered out too tamely of acute pneumonia just when his various different political arrangements were nearing completion or whether it transpired he owed his death to his having neglected to change his boots and clothes-after a wetting when a cold resulted and failing to consult a specialist he being confined to his room till he eventually died of it amid widespread regret before a fortnight was at an end or quite possibly they were distressed to find the job was taken out of their hands. Of course nobody being acquainted with his movements even before there was absolutely no clue as to his whereabouts which were decidedly of the Alice, where art thou order even prior to his starting to go under several aliases such as Fox and Stewart so the remark which emanated from friend cabby might be within the bounds of possibility. Naturally then it would prey on his mind as a born leader of men which undoubtedly he was and a commanding figure, a sixfooter or at any rate five feet ten or eleven in his stockinged feet, whereas Messrs So and So who, though they weren't even a patch on the former man, ruled the roost after their redeeming features were very few and far between. It certainly pointed a moral, the idol with feet of clay, and then seventytwo of his trusty henchmen rounding on him with mutual mudslinging. And the identical same with murderers. You had to come back. That haunting sense kind of drew you. To show the understudy in the title rôle how to. He saw him once on the auspicious occasion when they broke up the type in the Insuppressible or was it United Ireland , a privilege he keenly appreciated, and, in point of fact, handed him his silk hat when it was knocked off and he said Thank you , excited as he undoubtedly was under his frigid exterior notwithstanding the little misadventure mentioned between the cup and the lip: what's bred in the bone. Still as regards return. You were a lucky dog if they didn't set the terrier at you directly you got back. Then a lot of shillyshally usually followed, Tom for and Dick and Harry against. And then, number one, you came up against the man in possession and had to produce your credentials like the claimant in the Tichborne case, Roger Charles Tichborne, Bella was the boat's name to the best of his recollection he, the heir, went down in as the evidence went to show and there was a tattoo mark too in Indian ink, lord Bellew was it, as he might very easily have picked up the details from some pal on board ship and then, when got up to tally with the description given, introduce himself with: Excuse me, my name is So and So or some such commonplace remark. A more prudent course, as Bloom said to the not over effusive, in fact like the distinguished personage under discussion beside him, would have been to sound the lie of the land first. —That bitch, that English whore, did for him, the shebeen proprietor commented. She put the first nail in his coffin. —Fine lump of a woman all the same, the soi-disant townclerk Henry Campbell remarked, and plenty of her. She loosened many a man's thighs. I seen her picture in a barber's. The husband was a captain or an officer. —Ay, Skin-the-Goat amusingly added, he was and a cottonball one. This gratuitous contribution of a humorous character occasioned a fair amount of laughter among his entourage . As regards Bloom he, without the faintest suspicion of a smile, merely gazed in the direction of the door and reflected upon the historic story which had aroused extraordinary interest at the time when the facts, to make matters worse, were made public with the usual affectionate letters that passed between them full of sweet nothings. First it was strictly Platonic till nature intervened and an attachment sprang up between them till bit by bit matters came to a climax and the matter became the talk of the town till the staggering blow came as a welcome intelligence to not a few evildisposed, however, who were resolved upon encompassing his downfall though the thing was public property all along though not to anything like the sensational extent that it subsequently blossomed into. Since their names were coupled, though, since he was her declared favourite, where was the particular necessity to proclaim it to the rank and file from the housetops, the fact, namely, that he had shared her bedroom which came out in the witnessbox on oath when a thrill went through the packed court literally electrifying everybody in the shape of witnesses swearing to having witnessed him on such and such a particular date in the act of scrambling out of an upstairs apartment with the assistance of a ladder in night apparel, having gained admittance in the same fashion, a fact the weeklies, addicted to the lubric a little, simply coined shoals of money out of. Whereas the simple fact of the case was it was simply a case of the husband not being up to the scratch, with nothing in common between them beyond the name, and then a real man arriving on the scene, strong to the verge of weakness, falling a victim to her siren charms and forgetting home ties, the usual sequel, to bask in the loved one's smiles. The eternal question of the life connubial, needless to say, cropped up. Can real love, supposing there happens to be another chap in the case, exist between married folk? Poser. Though it was no concern of theirs absolutely if he regarded her with affection, carried away by a wave of folly. A magnificent specimen of manhood he was truly augmented obviously by gifts of a high order, as compared with the other military supernumerary that is (who was just the usual everyday farewell, my gallant captain kind of an individual in the light dragoons, the 18th hussars to be accurate) and inflammable doubtless (the fallen leader, that is, not the other) in his own peculiar way which she of course, woman, quickly perceived as highly likely to carve his way to fame which he almost bid fair to do till the priests and ministers of the gospel as a whole, his erstwhile staunch adherents, and his beloved evicted tenants for whom he had done yeoman service in the rural parts of the country by taking up the cudgels on their behalf in a way that exceeded their most sanguine expectations, very effectually cooked his matrimonial goose, thereby heaping coals of fire on his head much in the same way as the fabled ass's kick. Looking back now in a retrospective kind of arrangement all seemed a kind of dream. And then coming back was the worst thing you ever did because it went without saying you would feel out of place as things always moved with the times. Why, as he reflected, Irishtown strand, a locality he had not been in for quite a number of years looked different somehow since, as it happened, he went to reside on the north side. North or south, however, it was just the wellknown case of hot passion, pure and simple, upsetting the applecart with a vengeance and just bore out the very thing he was saying as she also was Spanish or half so, types that wouldn't do things by halves, passionate abandon of the south, casting every shred of decency to the winds. —Just bears out what I was saying, he, with glowing bosom said to Stephen, about blood and the sun. And, if I don't greatly mistake she was Spanish too. —The king of Spain's daughter, Stephen answered, adding something or other rather muddled about farewell and adieu to you Spanish onions and the first land called the Deadman and from Ramhead to Scilly was so and so many. —Was she? Bloom ejaculated, surprised though not astonished by any means, I never heard that rumour before. Possible, especially there, it was as she lived there. So, Spain. Carefully avoiding a book in his pocket Sweets of , which reminded him by the by of that Cap l street library book out of date, he took out his pocketbook and, turning over the various contents it contained rapidly finally he. —Do you consider, by the by, he said, thoughtfully selecting a faded photo which he laid on the table, that a Spanish type? Stephen, obviously addressed, looked down on the photo showing a large sized lady with her fleshy charms on evidence in an open fashion as she was in the full bloom of womanhood in evening dress cut ostentatiously low for the occasion to give a liberal display of bosom, with more than vision of breasts, her full lips parted and some perfect teeth, standing near, ostensibly with gravity, a piano on the rest of which was In Old Madrid , a ballad, pretty in its way, which was then all the vogue. Her (the lady's) eyes, dark, large, looked at Stephen, about to smile about something to be admired, Lafayette of Westmoreland street, Dublin's premier photographic artist, being responsible for the esthetic execution. —Mrs Bloom, my wife the prima donna Madam Marion Tweedy, Bloom indicated. Taken a few years since. In or about ninety six. Very like her then. Beside the young man he looked also at the photo of the lady now his 1440 legal wife who, he intimated, was the accomplished daughter of Major Brian Tweedy and displayed at an early age remarkable proficiency as a singer having even made her bow to the public when her years numbered barely sweet sixteen. As for the face it was a speaking likeness in expression but it did not do justice to her figure which came in for a lot of notice usually and which did not come out to the best advantage in that getup. She could without difficulty, he said, have posed for the ensemble, not to dwell on certain opulent curves of the. He dwelt, being a bit of an artist in his spare time, on the female form in general developmentally because, as it so happened, no later than that afternoon he had seen those Grecian statues, 1450 perfectly developed as works of art, in the National Museum. Marble could give the original, shoulders, back, all the symmetry, all the rest. Yes, puritanisme, it does though Saint Joseph's sovereign thievery alors (Bandez!) Figne toi trop. Whereas no photo could because it simply wasn't art in a word. The spirit moving him he would much have liked to follow Jack Tar's good example and leave the likeness there for a very few minutes to speak for itself on the plea he so that the other could drink in the beauty for himself, her stage presence being, frankly, a treat in itself which the camera could not at all do justice to. But it was scarcely professional etiquette so. Though it was a warm pleasant sort of a night now yet wonderfully cool for the season considering, for sunshine after storm. And he did feel a kind of need there and then to follow suit like a kind of inward voice and satisfy a possible need by moving a motion. Nevertheless he sat tight just viewing the slightly soiled photo creased by opulent curves, none the worse for wear however, and looked away thoughtfully with the intention of not further increasing the other's possible embarrassment while gauging her symmetry of heaving embonpoint . In fact the slight soiling was only an added charm like the case of linen slightly soiled, good as new, much better in fact with the starch out. Suppose she was gone when he? I looked for the lamp which she told me came into his mind but merely as a passing fancy of his because he then recollected the morning littered bed etcetera and the book about Ruby with met him pike hoses ( sic ) in it which must have fell down sufficiently appropriately beside the domestic chamberpot with apologies to Lindley Murray. The vicinity of the young man he certainly relished, educated, distingué and impulsive into the bargain, far and away the pick of the bunch though you wouldn't think he had it in him yet you would. Besides he said the picture was handsome which, say what you like, it was though at the moment she was distinctly stouter. And why not? An awful lot of makebelieve went on about that sort of thing involving a lifelong slur with the usual splash page of gutterpress about the same old matrimonial tangle alleging misconduct with professional golfer or the newest stage favourite instead of being honest and aboveboard about the whole business. How they were fated to meet and an attachment sprang up between the two so that their names were coupled in the public eye was told in court with letters containing the habitual mushy and compromising expressions leaving no loophole to show that they openly cohabited two or three times a week at some wellknown seaside hotel and relations, when the thing ran its normal course, became in due course intimate. Then the decree nisi and the King's proctor tries to show cause why and, he failing to quash it, nisi was made absolute. But as for that the two misdemeanants, wrapped up as they largely were in one another, could safely afford to ignore it as they very largely did till the matter was put in the hands of a solicitor who filed a petition for the party wronged in due course. He, B, enjoyed the distinction of being close to Erin's uncrowned king in the flesh when the thing occurred on the historic fracas when the fallen leader's, who notoriously stuck to his guns to the last drop even when clothed in the mantle of adultery, (leader's) trusty henchmen to the number of ten or a dozen or possibly even more than that penetrated into the printing works of the Insuppressible or no it was United Ireland (a by no means by the by appropriate appellative) and broke up the typecases with hammers or something like that all on account of some scurrilous effusions from the facile pens of the O'Brienite scribes at the usual mudslinging occupation reflecting on the erstwhile tribune's private morals. Though palpably a radically altered man he was still a commanding figure though carelessly garbed as usual with that look of settled purpose which went a long way with the shillyshallyers till they discovered to their vast discomfiture that their idol had feet of clay after placing him upon a pedestal which she, however, was the first to perceive. As those were particularly hot times in the general hullaballoo Bloom sustained a minor injury from a nasty prod of some chap's elbow in the crowd that of course congregated lodging some place about the pit of the stomach, fortunately not of a grave character. His hat (Parnell's) a silk one was inadvertently knocked off and, as a matter of strict history, Bloom was the man who picked it up in the crush after witnessing the occurrence meaning to return it to him (and return it to him he did with the utmost celerity) who panting and hatless and whose thoughts were miles away from his hat at the time all the same being a gentleman born with a stake in the country he, as a matter of fact, having gone into it more for the kudos of the thing than anything else, what's bred in the bone instilled into him in infancy at his mother's knee in the shape of knowing what good form was came out at once because he turned round to the donor and thanked him with perfect aplomb , saying: Thank you, sir , though in a very different tone of voice from the ornament of the legal profession whose headgear Bloom also set to rights earlier in the course of the day, history repeating itself with a difference, after the burial of a mutual friend when they had left him alone in his glory after the grim task of having committed his remains to the grave. On the other hand what incensed him more inwardly was the blatant jokes of the cabman and so on who passed it all off as a jest, laughing 1530 immoderately, pretending to understand everything, the why and the wherefore, and in reality not knowing their own minds, it being a case for the two parties themselves unless it ensued that the legitimate husband happened to be a party to it owing to some anonymous letter from the usual boy Jones, who happened to come across them at the crucial moment in a loving position locked in one another's arms, drawing attention to their illicit proceedings and leading up to a domestic rumpus and the erring fair one begging forgiveness of her lord and master upon her knees and promising to sever the connection and not receive his visits any more if only the aggrieved husband would overlook the matter and let bygones be bygones with tears in her eyes though possibly with her tongue in her fair cheek at the same time as quite possibly there were several others. He personally, being of a sceptical bias, believed and didn't make the smallest bones about saying so either that man or men in the plural were always hanging around on the waiting list about a lady, even supposing she was the best wife in the world and they got on fairly well together for the sake of argument, when, neglecting her duties, she chose to be tired of wedded life and was on for a little flutter in polite debauchery to press their attentions on her with improper intent, the upshot being that her affections centred on another, the cause of many liaisons between still attractive married women getting on for fair and forty and younger men, no doubt as several famous cases of feminine infatuation proved up to the hilt. It was a thousand pities a young fellow, blessed with an allowance of brains as his neighbour obviously was, should waste his valuable time with profligate women who might present him with a nice dose to last him his lifetime. In the nature of single blessedness he would one day take unto himself a wife when Miss Right came on the scene but in the interim ladies' society was a conditio sine qua non though he had the gravest possible doubts, not that he wanted in the smallest to pump Stephen about Miss Ferguson (who was very possibly the particular lodestar who brought him down to Irishtown so early in the morning), as to whether he would find much satisfaction basking in the boy and girl courtship idea and the company of smirking misses without a penny to their names bi or triweekly with the orthodox preliminary canter of complimentplaying and walking out leading up to fond lovers' ways and flowers and chocs. To think of him house and homeless, rooked by some landlady worse than any stepmother, was really too bad at his age. The queer suddenly things he popped out with attracted the elder man who was several years the other's senior or like his father but something substantial he certainly ought to eat even were it only an eggflip made on unadulterated maternal nutriment or, failing that, the homely Humpty Dumpty boiled. —At what o'clock did you dine? he questioned of the slim form and tired though unwrinkled face. —Some time yesterday, Stephen said. —Yesterday! exclaimed Bloom till he remembered it was already tomorrow Friday. Ah, you mean it's after twelve! —The day before yesterday, Stephen said, improving on himself. Literally astounded at this piece of intelligence Bloom reflected. Though they didn't see eye to eye in everything a certain analogy there somehow was as if both their minds were travelling, so to speak, in the one train of thought. At his age when dabbling in politics roughly some score of years previously when he had been a quasi aspirant to parliamentary honours in the Buckshot Foster days he too recollected in retrospect (which was a source of keen satisfaction in itself) he had a sneaking regard for those same ultra ideas. For instance when the evicted tenants question, then at its first inception, bulked largely in people's mind though, it goes without saying, not contributing a copper or pinning his faith absolutely to its dictums, some of which wouldn't exactly hold water, he at the outset in principle at all events was in thorough sympathy with peasant possession as voicing the trend of modern opinion (a partiality, however, which, realising his mistake, he was subsequently partially cured of) and even was twitted with going a step farther than Michael Davitt in the striking views he at one time inculcated as a backtothelander, which was one reason he strongly resented the innuendo put upon him in so barefaced a fashion by our friend at the gathering of the clans in Barney Kiernan's so that he, though often considerably misunderstood and the least pugnacious of mortals, be it repeated, departed from his customary habit to give him (metaphorically) one in the gizzard though, so far as politics themselves were concerned, he was only too conscious of the casualties invariably resulting from propaganda and displays of mutual animosity and the misery and suffering it entailed as a foregone conclusion on fine young fellows, chiefly, destruction of the fittest, in a word. Anyhow upon weighing up the pros and cons, getting on for one, as it was, it was high time to be retiring for the night. The crux was it was a bit risky to bring him home as eventualities might possibly ensue (somebody having a temper of her own sometimes) and spoil the hash altogether as on the night he misguidedly brought home a dog (breed unknown) with a lame paw (not that the cases were either identical or the reverse though he had hurt his hand too) to Ontario Terrace as he very distinctly remembered, having been there, so to speak. On the other hand it was altogether far and away too late for the Sandymount or Sandycove suggestion so that he was in some perplexity as to which of the two alternatives. Everything pointed to the fact that it behoved him to avail himself to the full of the opportunity, all things considered. His initial impression was he was a shade standoffish or not over effusive but it grew on him someway. For one thing he mightn't what you call jump at the idea, if approached, and what mostly worried him was he didn't know how to lead up to it or word it exactly, supposing he did entertain the proposal, as it would afford him very great personal pleasure if he would allow him to help to put coin in his way or some wardrobe, if found suitable. At all events he wound up by concluding, eschewing for the nonce hidebound precedent, a cup of Epps's cocoa and a shakedown for the night plus the use of a rug or two and overcoat doubled into a pillow at least he would be in safe hands and as warm as a toast on a trivet he failed to perceive any very vast amount of harm in that always with the proviso no rumpus of any sort was kicked up. A move had to be made because that merry old soul, the grasswidower in question who appeared to be glued to the spot, didn't appear in any particular hurry to wend his way home to his dearly beloved Queenstown and it was highly likely some sponger's bawdyhouse of retired beauties where age was no bar off Sheriff street lower would be the best clue to that equivocal character's whereabouts for a few days to come, alternately racking their feelings (the mermaids') with sixchamber revolver anecdotes verging on the tropical calculated to freeze the marrow of anybody's bones and mauling their largesized charms betweenwhiles with rough and tumble gusto to the accompaniment of large potations of potheen and the usual blarney about himself for as to who he in reality was let x equal my right name and address, as Mr Algebra remarks passim . At the same time he inwardly chuckled over his gentle repartee to the blood and ouns champion about his god being a jew. People could put up with being bitten by a wolf but what properly riled them was a bite from a sheep. The most vulnerable point too of tender Achilles. Your god was a jew. Because mostly they appeared to imagine he came from Carrick-on-Shannon or somewhereabouts in the county Sligo. —I propose, our hero eventually suggested after mature reflection while prudently pocketing her photo, as it's rather stuffy here you just come home with me and talk things over. My diggings are quite close in the vicinity. You can't drink that stuff. Do you like cocoa? Wait. I'll just pay this lot. The best plan clearly being to clear out, the remainder being plain sailing, he beckoned, while prudently pocketing the photo, to the keeper of the shanty who didn't seem to. —Yes, that's the best, he assured Stephen to whom for the matter of that Brazen Head or him or anywhere else was all more or less. All kinds of Utopian plans were flashing through his (B's) busy brain, education (the genuine article), literature, journalism, prize titbits, up to date billing, concert tours in English watering resorts packed with hydros and seaside theatres, turning money away, duets in Italian with the accent perfectly true to nature and a quantity of other things, no necessity, of course, to tell the world and his wife from the housetops about it, and a slice of luck. An opening was all was wanted. Because he more than suspected he had his father's voice to bank his hopes on which it was quite on the cards he had so it would be just as well, by the way no harm, to trail the conversation in the direction of that particular red herring just to. The cabby read out of the paper he had got hold of that the former viceroy, earl Cadogan, had presided at the cabdrivers' association dinner in London somewhere. Silence with a yawn or two accompanied this thrilling announcement. Then the old specimen in the corner who appeared to have some spark of vitality left read out that sir Anthony MacDonnell had left Euston for the chief secretary's lodge or words to that effect. To which absorbing piece of intelligence echo answered why. —Give us a squint at that literature, grandfather, the ancient mariner put in, manifesting some natural impatience. —And welcome, answered the elderly party thus addressed. The sailor lugged out from a case he had a pair of greenish goggles which he very slowly hooked over his nose and both ears. —Are you bad in the eyes? the sympathetic personage like the townclerk queried. —Why, answered the seafarer with the tartan beard, who seemingly was a bit of a literary cove in his own small way, staring out of seagreen portholes as you might well describe them as, I uses goggles reading. Sand in the Red Sea done that. One time I could read a book in the dark, manner of speaking. The Arabian Nights Entertainment was my favourite and Red as a Rose is She. Hereupon he pawed the journal open and pored upon Lord only knows what, found drowned or the exploits of King Willow, Iremonger having made a hundred and something second wicket not out for Notts, during which time (completely regardless of Ire) the keeper was intensely occupied loosening an apparently new or secondhand boot which manifestly pinched him as he muttered against whoever it was sold it, all of them who were sufficiently awake enough to be picked out by their facial expressions, that is to say, either simply looking on glumly or passing a trivial remark. To cut a long story short Bloom, grasping the situation, was the first to rise from his seat so as not to outstay their welcome having first and foremost, being as good as his word that he would foot the bill for the occasion, taken the wise precaution to unobtrusively motion to mine host as a parting shot a scarcely perceptible sign when the others were not looking to the effect that the amount due was forthcoming, making a grand total of fourpence (the amount he deposited unobtrusively in four coppers, literally the last of the Mohicans), he having previously spotted on the printed pricelist for all who ran to read opposite him in unmistakable figures, coffee 2d, confectionery do, and honestly well worth twice the money once in a way, as Wetherup used to remark. —Come, he counselled to close the séance . Seeing that the ruse worked and the coast was clear they left the shelter or shanty together and the élite society of oilskin and company whom nothing short of an earthquake would move out of their dolce far niente . Stephen, who confessed to still feeling poorly and fagged out, paused at the, for a moment, the door. —One thing I never understood, he said to be original on the spur of the moment. Why they put tables upside down at night, I mean chairs upside down, on the tables in cafes. To which impromptu the neverfailing Bloom replied without a moment's hesitation, saying straight off: —To sweep the floor in the morning. So saying he skipped around, nimbly considering, frankly at the same time apologetic to get on his companion's right, a habit of his, by the bye, his right side being, in classical idiom, his tender Achilles. The night air was certainly now a treat to breathe though Stephen was a bit weak on his pins. —It will (the air) do you good, Bloom said, meaning also the walk, in a moment. The only thing is to walk then you'll feel a different man. Come. It's not far. Lean on me. Accordingly he passed his left arm in Stephen's right and led him on accordingly. —Yes, Stephen said uncertainly because he thought he felt a strange kind of flesh of a different man approach him, sinewless and wobbly and all that. Anyhow they passed the sentrybox with stones, brazier etc. where the municipal supernumerary, ex Gumley, was still to all intents and purposes wrapped in the arms of Murphy, as the adage has it, dreaming of fresh fields and pastures new. And apropos of coffin of stones the analogy was not at all bad as it was in fact a stoning to death on the part of seventytwo out of eighty odd constituencies that ratted at the time of the split and chiefly the belauded peasant class, probably the selfsame evicted tenants he had put in their holdings. So they turned on to chatting about music, a form of art for which Bloom, as a pure amateur, possessed the greatest love, as they made tracks arm in arm across Beresford place. Wagnerian music, though confessedly grand in its way, was a bit too heavy for Bloom and hard to follow at the first go-off but the music of Mercadante's Huguenots , Meyerbeer's Seven Last Words on the Cross and Mozart's Twelfth Mass he simply revelled in, the Gloria in that being, to his mind, the acme of first class music as such, literally knocking everything else into a cocked hat. He infinitely preferred the sacred music of the catholic church to anything the opposite shop could offer in that line such as those Moody and Sankey hymns or Bid me to live and i will live thy protestant to be . He also yielded to none in his admiration of Rossini's Stabat Mater , a work simply abounding in immortal numbers, in which his wife, Madam Marion Tweedy, made a hit, a veritable sensation, he might safely say, greatly adding to her other laureis and putting the others totally in the shade, in the jesuit fathers' church in upper Gardiner street, the sacred edifice being thronged to the doors to hear her with virtuosos, or virtuosi rather. There was the unanimous opinion that there was none to come up to her and suffice it to say in a place of worship for music of a sacred character there was a generally voiced desire for an encore. On the whole though favouring preferably light opera of the Don Giovanni description and Martha , a gem in its line, he had a penchant , though with only a surface knowledge, for the severe classical school such as Mendelssohn. And talking of that, taking it for granted he knew all about the old favourites, he mentioned par excellence Lionel's air in Martha, M'appari , which, curiously enough, he had heard or overheard, to be more accurate, on yesterday, a privilege he keenly appreciated, from the lips of Stephen's respected father, sung to perfection, a study of the number, in fact, which made all the others take a back seat. Stephen, in reply to a politely put query, said he didn't sing it but launched out into praises of Shakespeare's songs, at least of in or about that period, the lutenist Dowland who lived in Fetter lane near Gerard the herbalist, who anno ludendo hausi, Doulandus , an instrument he was contemplating purchasing from Mr Arnold Dolmetsch, whom B. did not quite recall though the name certainly sounded familiar, for sixtyfive guineas and Farnaby and son with their dux and comes conceits and Byrd (William) who played the virginals, he said, in the Queen's chapel or anywhere else he found them and one Tomkins who made toys or airs and John Bull. On the roadway which they were approaching whilst still speaking beyond the swingchains a horse, dragging a sweeper, paced on the paven ground, brushing a long swathe of mire up so that with the noise Bloom was not perfectly certain whether he had caught aright the allusion to sixtyfive guineas and John Bull. He inquired if it was John Bull the political celebrity of that ilk, as it struck him, the two identical names, as a striking coincidence. By the chains the horse slowly swerved to turn, which perceiving, Bloom, who was keeping a sharp lookout as usual, plucked the other's sleeve gently, jocosely remarking: —Our lives are in peril tonight. Beware of the steamroller. They thereupon stopped. Bloom looked at the head of a horse not worth anything like sixtyfive guineas, suddenly in evidence in the dark quite near so that it seemed new, a different grouping of bones and even flesh because palpably it was a fourwalker, a hipshaker, a blackbuttocker, a taildangler, a headhanger putting his hind foot foremost the while the lord of his creation sat on the perch, busy with his thoughts. But such a good poor brute he was sorry he hadn't a lump of sugar but, as he wisely reflected, you could scarcely be prepared for every emergency that might crop up. He was just a big nervous foolish noodly kind of a horse, without a second care in the world. But even a dog, he reflected, take that mongrel in Barney Kiernan's, of the same size, would be a holy horror to face. But it was no animal's fault in particular if he was built that way like the camel, ship of the desert, distilling grapes into potheen in his hump. Nine tenths of them all could be caged or trained, nothing beyond the art of man barring the bees. Whale with a harpoon hairpin, alligator tickle the small of his back and he sees the joke, chalk a circle for a rooster, tiger my eagle eye. These timely reflections anent the brutes of the field occupied his mind somewhat distracted from Stephen's words while the ship of the street was manoeuvring and Stephen went on about the highly interesting old. —What's this I was saying? Ah, yes! My wife, he intimated, plunging in medias res , would have the greatest of pleasure in making your acquaintance as she is passionately attached to music of any kind. He looked sideways in a friendly fashion at the sideface of Stephen, image of his mother, which was not quite the same as the usual handsome blackguard type they unquestionably had an insatiable hankering after as he was perhaps not that way built. Still, supposing he had his father's gift as he more than suspected, it opened up new vistas in his mind such as Lady Fingall's Irish industries, concert on the preceding Monday, and aristocracy in general. Exquisite variations he was now describing on an air Youth here has End by Jans Pieter Sweelinck, a Dutchman of Amsterdam where the frows come from. Even more he liked an old German song of Johannes Jeep about the clear sea and the voices of sirens, sweet murderers of men, which boggled Bloom a bit: These opening bars he sang and translated extempore . Bloom, nodding, said he perfectly understood and begged him to go on by all means which he did. A phenomenally beautiful tenor voice like that, the rarest of boons, which Bloom appreciated at the very first note he got out, could easily, if properly handled by some recognised authority on voice production such as Barraclough and being able to read music into the bargain, command its own price where baritones were ten a penny and procure for its fortunate possessor in the near future an entrée into fashionable houses in the best residential quarters of financial magnates in a large way of business and titled people where with his university degree of B. A. (a huge ad in its way) and gentlemanly bearing to all the more influence the good impression he would infallibly score a distinct success, being blessed with brains which also could be utilised for the purpose and other requisites, if his clothes were properly attended to so as to the better worm his way into their good graces as he, a youthful tyro in—society's sartorial niceties, hardly understood how a little thing like that could militate against you. It was in fact only a matter of months and he could easily foresee him participating in their musical and artistic conversaziones during the festivities of the Christmas season, for choice, causing a slight flutter in the dovecotes of the fair sex and being made a lot of by ladies out for sensation, cases of which, as he happened to know, were on record—in fact, without giving the show away, he himself once upon a time, if he cared to, could easily have. Added to which of course would be the pecuniary emolument by no means to be sneezed at, going hand in hand with his tuition fees. Not, he parenthesised, that for the sake of filthy lucre he need necessarily embrace the lyric platform as a walk in life for any lengthy space of time. But a step in the required direction it was beyond yea or nay and both monetarily and mentally it contained no reflection on his dignity in the smallest and it often turned in uncommonly handy to be handed a cheque at a muchneeded moment when every little helped. Besides, though taste latterly had deteriorated to a degree, original music like that, different from the conventional rut, would rapidly have a great vogue as it would be a decided novelty for Dublin's musical world after the usual hackneyed run of catchy tenor solos foisted on a confiding public by Ivan St Austell and Hilton St Just and their genus omne . Yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt he could with all the cards in his hand and he had a capital opening to make a name for himself and win a high place in the city's esteem where he could command a stiff figure and, booking ahead, give a grand concert for the patrons of the King street house, given a backerup, if one were forthcoming to kick him upstairs, so to speak, a big if , however, with some impetus of the goahead sort to obviate the inevitable procrastination which often tripped-up a too much fêted prince of good fellows. And it need not detract from the other by one iota as, being his own master, he would have heaps of time to practise literature in his spare moments when desirous of so doing without its clashing with his vocal career or containing anything derogatory whatsoever as it was a matter for himself alone. In fact, he had the ball at his feet and that was the very reason why the other, possessed of a remarkably sharp nose for smelling a rat of any sort, hung on to him at all. The horse was just then. And later on at a propitious opportunity he purposed (Bloom did), without anyway prying into his private affairs on the fools step in where angels principle, advising him to sever his connection with a certain budding practitioner who, he noticed, was prone to disparage and even to a slight extent with some hilarious pretext when not present, deprecate him, or whatever you like to call it which in Bloom's humble opinion threw a nasty sidelight on that side of a person's character, no pun intended. The horse having reached the end of his tether, so to speak, halted and, rearing high a proud feathering tail, added his quota by letting fall on the floor which the brush would soon brush up and polish, three smoking globes of turds. Slowly three times, one after another, from a full crupper he mired. And humanely his driver waited till he (or she) had ended, patient in his scythed car. Side by side Bloom, profiting by the contretemps , with Stephen passed through the gap of the chains, divided by the upright, and, stepping over a strand of mire, went across towards Gardiner street lower, Stephen singing more boldly, but not loudly, the end of the ballad. Und alle Schiffe brücken. The driver never said a word, good, bad or indifferent, but merely watched the two figures, as he sat on his lowbacked car, both black, one full, one lean, walk towards the railway bridge, to be married by Father Maher . As they walked they at times stopped and walked again continuing their tête-à-tête (which, of course, he was utterly out of) about sirens enemies of man's reason, mingled with a number of other topics of the same category, usurpers, historical cases of the kind while the man in the sweeper car or you might as well call it in the sleeper car who in any case couldn't possibly hear because they were too far simply sat in his seat near the end of lower Gardiner street and looked after their lowbacked car . What parallel courses did Bloom and Stephen follow returning? Starting united both at normal walking pace from Beresford place they followed in the order named Lower and Middle Gardiner streets and Mountjoy square, west: then, at reduced pace, each bearing left, Gardiner's place by an inadvertence as far as the farther corner of Temple street: then, at reduced pace with interruptions of halt, bearing right, Temple street, north, as far as Hardwicke place. Approaching, disparate, at relaxed walking pace they crossed both the circus before George's church diametrically, the chord in any circle being less than the arc which it subtends. Of what did the duumvirate deliberate during their itinerary? Music, literature, Ireland, Dublin, Paris, friendship, woman, prostitution, diet, the influence of gaslight or the light of arc and glowlamps on the growth of adjoining paraheliotropic trees, exposed corporation emergency dustbuckets, the Roman catholic church, ecclesiastical celibacy, the Irish nation, jesuit education, careers, the study of medicine, the past day, the maleficent influence of the presabbath, Stephen's collapse. Did Bloom discover common factors of similarity between their respective like and unlike reactions to experience? Both were sensitive to artistic impressions, musical in preference to plastic or pictorial. Both preferred a continental to an insular manner of life, a cisatlantic to a transatlantic place of residence. Both indurated by early domestic training and an inherited tenacity of heterodox resistance professed their disbelief in many orthodox religious, national, social and ethical doctrines. Both admitted the alternately stimulating and obtunding influence of heterosexual magnetism. Were their views on some points divergent? Stephen dissented openly from Bloom's views on the importance of dietary and civic selfhelp while Bloom dissented tacitly from Stephen's views on the eternal affirmation of the spirit of man in literature. Bloom assented covertly to Stephen's rectification of the anachronism involved in assigning the date of the conversion of the Irish nation to christianity from druidism by Patrick son of Calpornus, son of Potitus, son of Odyssus, sent by pope Celestine I in the year 432 in the reign of Leary to the year 260 or thereabouts in the reign of Cormac MacArt (died 266 A.D.), suffocated by imperfect deglutition of aliment at Sletty and interred at Rossnaree. The collapse which Bloom ascribed to gastric inanition and certain chemical compounds of varying degrees of adulteration and alcoholic strength, accelerated by mental exertion and the velocity of rapid circular motion in a relaxing atmosphere, Stephen attributed to the reapparition of a matutinal cloud (perceived by both from two different points of observation Sandycove and Dublin) at first no bigger than a woman's hand. Was there one point on which their views were equal and negative? The influence of gaslight or electric light on the growth of adjoining paraheliotropic trees. Had Bloom discussed similar subjects during nocturnal perambulations in the past? In 1884 with Owen Goldberg and Cecil Turnbull at night on public thoroughfares between Longwood avenue and Leonard's corner and Leonard's corner and Synge street and Synge street and Bloomfield avenue. In 1885 with Percy Apjohn in the evenings, reclined against the wall between Gibraltar villa and Bloomfield house in Crumlin, barony of Uppercross. In 1886 occasionally with casual acquaintances and prospective purchasers on doorsteps, in front parlours, in third class railway carriages of suburban lines. In 1888 frequently with major Brian Tweedy and his daughter Miss Marion Tweedy, together and separately on the lounge in Matthew Dillon's house in Roundtown. Once in 1892 and once in 1893 with Julius (Juda) Mastiansky, on both occasions in the parlour of his (Bloom's) house in Lombard street, west. What reflection concerning the irregular sequence of dates 1884, 1885, 1886, 1888, 1892, 1893, 1904 did Bloom make before their arrival at their destination? He reflected that the progressive extension of the field of individual development and experience was regressively accompanied by a restriction of the converse domain of interindividual relations. As in what ways? From inexistence to existence he came to many and was as one received: existence with existence he was with any as any with any: from existence to nonexistence gone he would be by all as none perceived. What act did Bloom make on their arrival at their destination? At the housesteps of the 4th Of the equidifferent uneven numbers, number 7 Eccles street, he inserted his hand mechanically into the back pocket of his trousers to obtain his latchkey. Was it there? It was in the corresponding pocket of the trousers which he had worn on the day but one preceding. Why was he doubly irritated? Because he had forgotten and because he remembered that he had reminded himself twice not to forget. What were then the alternatives before the, premeditatedly (respectively) and inadvertently, keyless couple? To enter or not to enter. To knock or not to knock. Bloom's decision? A stratagem. Resting his feet on the dwarf wall, he climbed over the area railings, compressed his hat on his head, grasped two points at the lower union of rails and stiles, lowered his body gradually by its length of five feet nine inches and a half to within two feet ten inches of the area pavement and allowed his body to move freely in space by separating himself from the railings and crouching in preparation for the impact of the fall. Did he fall? By his body's known weight of eleven stone and four pounds in avoirdupois measure, as certified by the graduated machine for periodical selfweighing in the premises of Francis Froedman, pharmaceutical chemist of 19 Frederick street, north, on the last feast of the Ascension, to wit, the twelfth day of May of the bissextile year one thousand nine hundred and four of the christian era (jewish era five thousand six hundred and sixtyfour, mohammadan era one thousand three hundred and twentytwo), golden number 5, epact 13, solar cycle 9, dominical letters C B, Roman indiction 2, Julian period 6617, MCMIV. Did he rise uninjured by concussion? Regaining new stable equilibrium he rose uninjured though concussed by the impact, raised the latch of the area door by the exertion of force at its freely moving flange and by leverage of the first kind applied at its fulcrum, gained retarded access to the kitchen through the subadjacent scullery, ignited a lucifer match by friction, set free inflammable coal gas by turningon the ventcock, lit a high flame which, by regulating, he reduced to quiescent candescence and lit finally a portable candle. What discrete succession of images did Stephen meanwhile perceive? Reclined against the area railings he perceived through the transparent kitchen panes a man regulating a gasflame of 14 CP, a man lighting a candle of 1 CP, a man removing in turn each of his two boots, a man leaving the kitchen holding a candle. Did the man reappear elsewhere? After a lapse of four minutes the glimmer of his candle was discernible through the semitransparent semicircular glass fanlight over the halldoor. The halldoor turned gradually on its hinges. In the open space of the doorway the man reappeared without his hat, with his candle. Did Stephen obey his sign? Yes, entering softly, he helped to close and chain the door and followed softly along the hallway the man's back and listed feet and lighted candle past a lighted crevice of doorway on the left and carefully down a turning staircase of more than five steps into the kitchen of Bloom's house. What did Bloom do? He extinguished the candle by a sharp expiration of breath upon its flame, drew two spoonseat deal chairs to the hearthstone, one for Stephen with its back to the area window, the other for himself when necessary, knelt on one knee, composed in the grate a pyre of crosslaid resintipped sticks and various coloured papers and irregular polygons of best Abram coal at twentyone shillings a ton from the yard of Messrs Flower and M'Donald of 14 D'Olier street, kindled it at three projecting points of paper with one ignited lucifer match, thereby releasing the potential energy contained in the fuel by allowing its carbon and hydrogen elements to enter into free union with the oxygen of the air. Of what similar apparitions did Stephen think? Of others elsewhere in other times who, kneeling on one knee or on two, had kindled fires for him, of Brother Michael in the infirmary of the college of the Society of Jesus at Clongowes Wood, Sallins, in the county of Kildare: of his father, Simon Dedalus, in an unfurnished room of his first residence in Dublin, number thirteen Fitzgibbon street: of his godmother Miss Kate Morkan in the house of her dying sister Miss Julia Morkan at 15 Usher's Island: of his aunt Sara, wife of Richie (Richard) Goulding, in the kitchen of their lodgings at 62 Clanbrassil street: of his mother Mary, wife of Simon Dedalus, in the kitchen of number twelve North Richmond street on the morning of the feast of Saint Francis Xavier 1898: of the dean of studies, Father Butt, in the physics' theatre of university College, 16 Stephen's Green, north: of his sister Dilly (Delia) in his father's house in Cabra. What did Stephen see on raising his gaze to the height of a yard from the fire towards the opposite wall? Under a row of five coiled spring housebells a curvilinear rope, stretched between two holdfasts athwart across the recess beside the chimney pier, from which hung four smallsized square handkerchiefs folded unattached consecutively in adjacent rectangles and one pair of ladies' grey hose with Lisle suspender tops and feet in their habitual position clamped by three erect wooden pegs two at their outer extremities and the third at their point of junction. What did Bloom see on the range? On the right (smaller) hob a blue enamelled saucepan: on the left (larger) hob a black iron kettle. What did Bloom do at the range? He removed the saucepan to the left hob, rose and carried the iron kettle to the sink in order to tap the current by turning the faucet to let it flow. Did it flow? Yes. From Roundwood reservoir in county Wicklow of a cubic capacity of 2400 million gallons, percolating through a subterranean aqueduct of filter mains of single and double pipeage constructed at an initial plant cost of 5 pounds per linear yard by way of the Dargle, Rathdown, Glen of the Downs and Callowhill to the 26 acre reservoir at Stillorgan, a distance of 22 statute miles, and thence, through a system of relieving tanks, by a gradient of 250 feet to the city boundary at Eustace bridge, upper Leeson street, though from prolonged summer drouth and daily supply of 12 1/2 million gallons the water had fallen below the sill of the overflow weir for which reason the borough surveyor and waterworks engineer, Mr Spencer Harty, C. E., on the instructions of the waterworks committee had prohibited the use of municipal water for purposes other than those of consumption (envisaging the possibility of recourse being had to the impotable water of the Grand and Royal canals as in 1893) particularly as the South Dublin Guardians, notwithstanding their ration of 15 gallons per day per pauper supplied through a 6 inch meter, had been convicted of a wastage of 20,000 gallons per night by a reading of their meter on the affirmation of the law agent of the corporation, Mr Ignatius Rice, solicitor, thereby acting to the detriment of another section of the public, selfsupporting taxpayers, solvent, sound. What in water did Bloom, waterlover, drawer of water, watercarrier, returning to the range, admire? Its universality: its democratic equality and constancy to its nature in seeking its own level: its vastness in the ocean of Mercator's projection: its unplumbed profundity in the Sundam trench of the Pacific exceeding 8000 fathoms: the restlessness of its waves and surface particles visiting in turn all points of its seaboard: the independence of its units: the variability of states of sea: its hydrostatic quiescence in calm: its hydrokinetic turgidity in neap and spring tides: its subsidence after devastation: its sterility in the circumpolar icecaps, arctic and antarctic: its climatic and commercial significance: its preponderance of 3 to 1 over the dry land of the globe: its indisputable hegemony extending in square leagues over all the region below the subequatorial tropic of Capricorn: the multisecular stability of its primeval basin: its luteofulvous bed: its capacity to dissolve and hold in solution all soluble substances including millions of tons of the most precious metals: its slow erosions of peninsulas and islands, its persistent formation of homothetic islands, peninsulas and downwardtending promontories: its alluvial deposits: its weight and volume and density: its imperturbability in lagoons and highland tarns: its gradation of colours in the torrid and temperate and frigid zones: its vehicular ramifications in continental lakecontained streams and confluent oceanflowing rivers with their tributaries and transoceanic currents, gulfstream, north and south equatorial courses: its violence in seaquakes, waterspouts, Artesian wells, eruptions, torrents, eddies, freshets, spates, groundswells, watersheds, waterpartings, geysers, cataracts, whirlpools, maelstroms, inundations, deluges, cloudbursts: its vast circumterrestrial ahorizontal curve: its secrecy in springs and latent humidity, revealed by rhabdomantic or hygrometric instruments and exemplified by the well by the hole in the wall at Ashtown gate, saturation of air, distillation of dew: the simplicity of its composition, two constituent parts of hydrogen with one constituent part of oxygen: its healing virtues: its buoyancy in the waters of the Dead Sea: its persevering penetrativeness in runnels, gullies, inadequate dams, leaks on shipboard: its properties for cleansing, quenching thirst and fire, nourishing vegetation: its infallibility as paradigm and paragon: its metamorphoses as vapour, mist, cloud, rain, sleet, snow, hail: its strength in rigid hydrants: its variety of forms in loughs and bays and gulfs and bights and guts and lagoons and atolls and archipelagos and sounds and fjords and minches and tidal estuaries and arms of sea: its solidity in glaciers, icebergs, icefloes: its docility in working hydraulic millwheels, turbines, dynamos, electric power stations, bleachworks, tanneries, scutchmills: its utility in canals, rivers, if navigable, floating and graving docks: its potentiality derivable from harnessed tides or watercourses falling from level to level: its submarine fauna and flora (anacoustic, photophobe), numerically, if not literally, the inhabitants of the globe: its ubiquity as constituting 90 percent of the human body: the noxiousness of its effluvia in lacustrine marshes, pestilential fens, faded flowerwater, stagnant pools in the waning moon. Having set the halffilled kettle on the now burning coals, why did he return to the stillflowing tap? To wash his soiled hands with a partially consumed tablet of Barrington's lemonflavoured soap, to which paper still adhered, (bought thirteen hours previously for fourpence and still unpaid for), in fresh cold neverchanging everchanging water and dry them, face and hands, in a long redbordered holland cloth passed over a wooden revolving roller. What reason did Stephen give for declining Bloom's offer? That he was hydrophobe, hating partial contact by immersion or total by submersion in cold water, (his last bath having taken place in the month of October of the preceding year), disliking the aqueous substances of glass and crystal, distrusting aquacities of thought and language. What impeded Bloom from giving Stephen counsels of hygiene and prophylactic to which should be added suggestions concerning a preliminary wetting of the head and contraction of the muscles with rapid splashing of the face and neck and thoracic and epigastric region in case of sea or river bathing, the parts of the human anatomy most sensitive to cold being the nape, stomach and thenar or sole of foot? The incompatibility of aquacity with the erratic originality of genius. What additional didactic counsels did he similarly repress? Dietary: concerning the respective percentage of protein and caloric energy in bacon, salt ling and butter, the absence of the former in the lastnamed and the abundance of the latter in the firstnamed. Which seemed to the host to be the predominant qualities of his guest? Confidence in himself, an equal and opposite power of abandonment and recuperation. What concomitant phenomenon took place in the vessel of liquid by the agency of fire? The phenomenon of ebullition. Fanned by a constant updraught of ventilation between the kitchen and the chimneyflue, ignition was communicated from the faggots of precombustible fuel to polyhedral masses of bituminous coal, containing in compressed mineral form the foliated fossilised decidua of primeval forests which had in turn derived their vegetative existence from the sun, primal source of heat (radiant), transmitted through omnipresent luminiferous diathermanous ether. Heat (convected), a mode of motion developed by such combustion, was constantly and increasingly conveyed from the source of calorification to the liquid contained in the vessel, being radiated through the uneven unpolished dark surface of the metal iron, in part reflected, in part absorbed, in part transmitted, gradually raising the temperature of the water from normal to boiling point, a rise in temperature expressible as the result of an expenditure of 72 thermal units needed to raise 1 pound of water from 50 degrees to 212 degrees Fahrenheit. What announced the accomplishment of this rise in temperature? A double falciform ejection of water vapour from under the kettlelid at both sides simultaneously. For what personal purpose could Bloom have applied the water so boiled? To shave himself. What advantages attended shaving by night? A softer beard: a softer brush if intentionally allowed to remain from shave to shave in its agglutinated lather: a softer skin if unexpectedly encountering female acquaintances in remote places at incustomary hours: quiet reflections upon the course of the day: a cleaner sensation when awaking after a fresher sleep since matutinal noises, premonitions and perturbations, a clattered milkcan, a postman's double knock, a paper read, reread while lathering, relathering the same spot, a shock, a shoot, with thought of aught he sought though fraught with nought might cause a faster rate of shaving and a nick on which incision plaster with precision cut and humected and applied adhered: which was to be done. Why did absence of light disturb him less than presence of noise? Because of the surety of the sense of touch in his firm full masculine feminine passive active hand. What quality did it (his hand) possess but with what counteracting influence? The operative surgical quality but that he was reluctant to shed human blood even when the end justified the means, preferring, in their natural order, heliotherapy, psychophysicotherapeutics, osteopathic surgery. What lay under exposure on the lower, middle and upper shelves of the kitchen dresser, opened by Bloom? On the lower shelf five vertical breakfast plates, six horizontal breakfast saucers on which rested inverted breakfast cups, a moustachecup, uninverted, and saucer of Crown Derby, four white goldrimmed eggcups, an open shammy purse displaying coins, mostly copper, and a phial of aromatic (violet) comfits. On the middle shelf a chipped eggcup containing pepper, a drum of table salt, four conglomerated black olives in oleaginous paper, an empty pot of Plumtree's potted meat, an oval wicker basket bedded with fibre and containing one Jersey pear, a halfempty bottle of William Gilbey and Co's white invalid port, half disrobed of its swathe of coralpink tissue paper, a packet of Epps's soluble cocoa, five ounces of Anne Lynch's choice tea at 2/- per lb in a crinkled leadpaper bag, a cylindrical canister containing the best crystallised lump sugar, two onions, one, the larger, Spanish, entire, the other, smaller, Irish, bisected with augmented surface and more redolent, a jar of Irish Model Dairy's cream, a jug of brown crockery containing a naggin and a quarter of soured adulterated milk, converted by heat into water, acidulous serum and semisolidified curds, which added to the quantity subtracted for Mr Bloom's and Mrs Fleming's breakfasts, made one imperial pint, the total quantity originally delivered, two cloves, a halfpenny and a small dish containing a slice of fresh ribsteak. On the upper shelf a battery of jamjars (empty) of various sizes and proveniences. What attracted his attention lying on the apron of the dresser? Four polygonal fragments of two lacerated scarlet betting tickets, numbered 8 87, 88 6. What reminiscences temporarily corrugated his brow? Reminiscences of coincidences, truth stranger than fiction, preindicative of the result of the Gold Cup flat handicap, the official and definitive result of which he had read in the Evening Telegraph , late pink edition, in the cabman's shelter, at Butt bridge. Where had previous intimations of the result, effected or projected, been received by him? In Bernard Kiernan's licensed premises 8, 9 and 10 little Britain street: in David Byrne's licensed premises, 14 Duke street: in O'Connell street lower, outside Graham Lemon's when a dark man had placed in his hand a throwaway (subsequently thrown away), advertising Elijah, restorer of the church in Zion: in Lincoln place outside the premises of F. W. Sweny and Co (Limited), dispensing chemists, when, when Frederick M. (Bantam) Lyons had rapidly and successively requested, perused and restituted the copy of the current issue of the Freeman's Journal and National Press which he had been about to throw away (subsequently thrown away), he had proceeded towards the oriental edifice of the Turkish and Warm Baths, 11 Leinster street, with the light of inspiration shining in his countenance and bearing in his arms the secret of the race, graven in the language of prediction. What qualifying considerations allayed his perturbations? The difficulties of interpretation since the significance of any event followed its occurrence as variably as the acoustic report followed the electrical discharge and of counterestimating against an actual loss by failure to interpret the total sum of possible losses proceeding originally from a successful interpretation. His mood? He had not risked, he did not expect, he had not been disappointed, he was satisfied. What satisfied him? To have sustained no positive loss. To have brought a positive gain to others. Light to the gentiles. How did Bloom prepare a collation for a gentile? He poured into two teacups two level spoonfuls, four in all, of Epps's soluble cocoa and proceeded according to the directions for use printed on the label, to each adding after sufficient time for infusion the prescribed ingredients for diffusion in the manner and in the quantity prescribed. What supererogatory marks of special hospitality did the host show his guest? Relinquishing his symposiarchal right to the moustache cup of imitation Crown Derby presented to him by his only daughter, Millicent (Milly), he substituted a cup identical with that of his guest and served extraordinarily to his guest and, in reduced measure, to himself the viscous cream ordinarily reserved for the breakfast of his wife Marion (Molly). Was the guest conscious of and did he acknowledge these marks of hospitality? His attention was directed to them by his host jocosely, and he accepted them seriously as they drank in jocoserious silence Epps's massproduct, the creature cocoa. Were there marks of hospitality which he contemplated but suppressed, reserving them for another and for himself on future occasions to complete the act begun? The reparation of a fissure of the length of 1 1/2 inches in the right side of his guest's jacket. A gift to his guest of one of the four lady's handkerchiefs, if and when ascertained to be in a presentable condition. Who drank more quickly? Bloom, having the advantage of ten seconds at the initiation and taking, from the concave surface of a spoon along the handle of which a steady flow of heat was conducted, three sips to his opponent's one, six to two, nine to three. What cerebration accompanied his frequentative act? Concluding by inspection but erroneously that his silent companion was engaged in mental composition he reflected on the pleasures derived from literature of instruction rather than of amusement as he himself had applied to the works of William Shakespeare more than once for the solution of difficult problems in imaginary or real life. Had he found their solution? In spite of careful and repeated reading of certain classical passages, aided by a glossary, he had derived imperfect conviction from the text, the answers not bearing in all points. What lines concluded his first piece of original verse written by him, potential poet, at the age of 11 in 1877 on the occasion of the offering of three prizes of 10/-, 5/- and 2/6 respectively for competition by the Shamrock , a weekly newspaper? Did he find four separating forces between his temporary guest and him? Name, age, race, creed. What anagrams had he made on his name in youth? What acrostic upon the abbreviation of his first name had he (kinetic poet) sent to Miss Marion (Molly) Tweedy on the 14 February 1888? What had prevented him from completing a topical song (music by R. G. Johnston) on the events of the past, or fixtures for the actual, years, entitled If Brian Boru could but come back and see old Dublin now , commissioned by Michael Gunn, lessee of the Gaiety Theatre, 46, 47, 48, 49 South King street, and to be introduced into the sixth scene, the valley of diamonds, of the second edition (30 January 1893) of the grand annual Christmas pantomime Sinbad the Sailor (produced by R Shelton 26 December 1892, written by Greenleaf Whittier, scenery by George A. Jackson and Cecil Hicks, costumes by Mrs and Miss Whelan under the personal supervision of Mrs Michael Gunn, ballets by Jessie Noir, harlequinade by Thomas Otto) and sung by Nelly Bouverist, principal girl? Firstly, oscillation between events of imperial and of local interest, the anticipated diamond jubilee of Queen Victoria (born 1820, acceded 1837) and the posticipated opening of the new municipal fish market: secondly, apprehension of opposition from extreme circles on the questions of the respective visits of Their Royal Highnesses the duke and duchess of York (real) and of His Majesty King Brian Boru (imaginary): thirdly, a conflict between professional etiquette and professional emulation concerning the recent erections of the Grand Lyric Hall on Burgh Quay and the Theatre Royal in Hawkins street: fourthly, distraction resultant from compassion for Nelly Bouverist's non-intellectual, non-political, non-topical expression of countenance and concupiscence caused by Nelly Bouverist's revelations of white articles of non-intellectual, non-political, non-topical underclothing while she (Nelly Bouverist) was in the articles: fifthly, the difficulties of the selection of appropriate music and humorous allusions from Everybody's Book of Jokes (1000 pages and a laugh in every one): sixthly, the rhymes, homophonous and cacophonous, associated with the names of the new lord mayor, Daniel Tallon, the new high sheriff, Thomas Pile and the new solicitorgeneral, Dunbar Plunket Barton. What relation existed between their ages? 16 years before in 1888 when Bloom was of Stephen's present age Stephen was 6. 16 years after in 1920 when Stephen would be of Bloom's present age Bloom would be 54. In 1936 when Bloom would be 70 and Stephen 54 their ages initially in the ratio of 16 to 0 would be as 17 1/2 to 13 1/2, the proportion increasing and the disparity diminishing according as arbitrary future years were added, for if the proportion existing in 1883 had continued immutable, conceiving that to be possible, till then 1904 when Stephen was 22 Bloom would be 374 and in 1920 when Stephen would be 38, as Bloom then was, Bloom would be 646 while in 1952 when Stephen would have attained the maximum postdiluvian age of 70 Bloom, being 1190 years alive having been born in the year 714, would have surpassed by 221 years the maximum antediluvian age, that of Methusalah, 969 years, while, if Stephen would continue to live until he would attain that age in the year 3072 A.D., Bloom would have been obliged to have been alive 83,300 years, having been obliged to have been born in the year 81,396 B.C. What events might nullify these calculations? The cessation of existence of both or either, the inauguration of a new era or calendar, the annihilation of the world and consequent extermination of the human species, inevitable but impredictable. How many previous encounters proved their preexisting acquaintance? Two. The first in the lilacgarden of Matthew Dillon's house, Medina Villa, Kimmage road, Roundtown, in 1887, in the company of Stephen's mother, Stephen being then of the age of 5 and reluctant to give his hand in salutation. The second in the coffeeroom of Breslin's hotel on a rainy Sunday in the January of 1892, in the company of Stephen's father and Stephen's granduncle, Stephen being then 5 years older. Did Bloom accept the invitation to dinner given then by the son and afterwards seconded by the father? Very gratefully, with grateful appreciation, with sincere appreciative gratitude, in appreciatively grateful sincerity of regret, he declined. Did their conversation on the subject of these reminiscences reveal a third connecting link between them? Mrs Riordan (Dante), a widow of independent means, had resided in the house of Stephen's parents from 1 September 1888 to 29 December 1891 and had also resided during the years 1892, 1893 and 1894 in the City Arms Hotel owned by Elizabeth O'Dowd of 54 Prussia street where, during parts of the years 1893 and 1894, she had been a constant informant of Bloom who resided also in the same hotel, being at that time a clerk in the employment of Joseph Cuffe of 5 Smithfield for the superintendence of sales in the adjacent Dublin Cattle market on the North Circular road. Had he performed any special corporal work of mercy for her? He had sometimes propelled her on warm summer evenings, an infirm widow of independent, if limited, means, in her convalescent bathchair with slow revolutions of its wheels as far as the corner of the North Circular road opposite Mr Gavin Low's place of business where she had remained for a certain time scanning through his onelensed binocular fieldglasses unrecognisable citizens on tramcars, roadster bicycles equipped with inflated pneumatic tyres, hackney carriages, tandems, private and hired landaus, dogcarts, ponytraps and brakes passing from the city to the Phoenix Park and vice versa. Why could he then support that his vigil with the greater equanimity? Because in middle youth he had often sat observing through a rondel of bossed glass of a multicoloured pane the spectacle offered with continual changes of the thoroughfare without, pedestrians, quadrupeds, velocipedes, vehicles, passing slowly, quickly, evenly, round and round and round the rim of a round and round precipitous globe. What distinct different memories had each of her now eight years deceased? The older, her bezique cards and counters, her Skye terrier, her suppositious wealth, her lapses of responsiveness and incipient catarrhal deafness: the younger, her lamp of colza oil before the statue of the Immaculate Conception, her green and maroon brushes for Charles Stewart Parnell and for Michael Davitt, her tissue papers. Were there no means still remaining to him to achieve the rejuvenation which these reminiscences divulged to a younger companion rendered the more desirable? The indoor exercises, formerly intermittently practised, subsequently abandoned, prescribed in Eugen Sandow's Physical Strength and How to Obtain It which, designed particularly for commercial men engaged in sedentary occupations, were to be made with mental concentration in front of a mirror so as to bring into play the various families of muscles and produce successively a pleasant rigidity, a more pleasant relaxation and the most pleasant repristination of juvenile agility. Had any special agility been his in earlier youth? Though ringweight lifting had been beyond his strength and the full circle gyration beyond his courage yet as a High school scholar he had excelled in his stable and protracted execution of the half lever movement on the parallel bars in consequence of his abnormally developed abdominal muscles. Did either openly allude to their racial difference? Neither. What, reduced to their simplest reciprocal form, were Bloom's thoughts about Stephen's thoughts about Bloom and about Stephen's thoughts about Bloom's thoughts about Stephen? He thought that he thought that he was a jew whereas he knew that he knew that he knew that he was not. What, the enclosures of reticence removed, were their respective parentages? Bloom, only born male transubstantial heir of Rudolf Virag (subsequently Rudolph Bloom) of Szombathely, Vienna, Budapest, Milan, London and Dublin and of Ellen Higgins, second daughter of Julius Higgins (born Karoly) and Fanny Higgins (born Hegarty). Stephen, eldest surviving male consubstantial heir of Simon Dedalus of Cork and Dublin and of Mary, daughter of Richard and Christina Goulding (born Grier). Had Bloom and Stephen been baptised, and where and by whom, cleric or layman? Bloom (three times), by the reverend Mr Gilmer Johnston M. A., alone, in the protestant church of Saint Nicholas Without, Coombe, by James O'Connor, Philip Gilligan and James Fitzpatrick, together, under a pump in the village of Swords, and by the reverend Charles Malone C. C., in the church of the Three Patrons, Rathgar. Stephen (once) by the reverend Charles Malone C. C., alone, in the church of the Three Patrons, Rathgar. Did they find their educational careers similar? Substituting Stephen for Bloom Stoom would have passed successively through a dame's school and the high school. Substituting Bloom for Stephen Blephen would have passed successively through the preparatory, junior, middle and senior grades of the intermediate and through the matriculation, first arts, second arts and arts degree courses of the royal university. Why did Bloom refrain from stating that he had frequented the university of life? Because of his fluctuating incertitude as to whether this observation had or had not been already made by him to Stephen or by Stephen to him. What two temperaments did they individually represent? The scientific. The artistic. What proofs did Bloom adduce to prove that his tendency was towards applied, rather than towards pure, science? Certain possible inventions of which he had cogitated when reclining in a state of supine repletion to aid digestion, stimulated by his appreciation of the importance of inventions now common but once revolutionary, for example, the aeronautic parachute, the reflecting telescope, the spiral corkscrew, the safety pin, the mineral water siphon, the canal lock with winch and sluice, the suction pump. Were these inventions principally intended for an improved scheme of kindergarten? Yes, rendering obsolete popguns, elastic airbladders, games of hazard, catapults. They comprised astronomical kaleidoscopes exhibiting the twelve constellations of the zodiac from Aries to Pisces, miniature mechanical orreries, arithmetical gelatine lozenges, geometrical to correspond with zoological biscuits, globemap playing balls, historically costumed dolls. What also stimulated him in his cogitations? The financial success achieved by Ephraim Marks and Charles A. James, the former by his 1d bazaar at 42 George's street, south, the latter at his 6 1/2d shop and world's fancy fair and waxwork exhibition at 30 Henry street, admission 2d, children 1d: and the infinite possibilities hitherto unexploited of the modern art of advertisement if condensed in triliteral monoideal symbols, vertically of maximum visibility (divined), horizontally of maximum legibility (deciphered) and of magnetising efficacy to arrest involuntary attention, to interest, to convince, to decide. Such as? K. II. Kino's 11/- Trousers. House of Keys. Alexander J. Keyes. Such as not? Look at this long candle. Calculate when it burns out and you receive gratis 1 pair of our special non-compo boots, guaranteed 1 candle power. Address: Barclay and Cook, 18 Talbot street. Bacilikil (Insect Powder). Veribest (Boot Blacking). Uwantit (Combined pocket twoblade penknife with corkscrew, nailfile and pipecleaner). Such as never? What is home without Plumtree's Potted Meat? Incomplete. With it an abode of bliss. Manufactured by George Plumtree, 23 Merchants' quay, Dublin, put up in 4 oz pots, and inserted by Councillor Joseph P. Nannetti, M. P., Rotunda Ward, 19 Hardwicke street, under the obituary notices and anniversaries of deceases. The name on the label is Plumtree. A plumtree in a meatpot, registered trade mark. Beware of imitations. Peatmot. Trumplee. Moutpat. Plamtroo. Which example did he adduce to induce Stephen to deduce that originality, though producing its own reward, does not invariably conduce to success? His own ideated and rejected project of an illuminated showcart, drawn by a beast of burden, in which two smartly dressed girls were to be seated engaged in writing. What suggested scene was then constructed by Stephen? Solitary hotel in mountain pass. Autumn. Twilight. Fire lit. In dark corner young man seated. Young woman enters. Restless. Solitary. She sits. She goes to window. She stands. She sits. Twilight. She thinks. On solitary hotel paper she writes. She thinks. She writes. She sighs. Wheels and hoofs. She hurries out. He comes from his dark corner. He seizes solitary paper. He holds it towards fire. Twilight. He reads. Solitary. What? In sloping, upright and backhands: Queen's Hotel, Queen's Hotel, Queen's Hotel. Queen's Ho... What suggested scene was then reconstructed by Bloom? The Queen's Hotel, Ennis, county Clare, where Rudolph Bloom (Rudolf Virag) died on the evening of the 27 June 1886, at some hour unstated, in consequence of an overdose of monkshood (aconite) selfadministered in the form of a neuralgic liniment composed of 2 parts of aconite liniment to I of chloroform liniment (purchased by him at 10.20 a.m. on the morning of 27 June 1886 at the medical hall of Francis Dennehy, 17 Church street, Ennis) after having, though not in consequence of having, purchased at 3.15 p.m. on the afternoon of 27 June 1886 a new boater straw hat, extra smart (after having, though not in consequence of having, purchased at the hour and in the place aforesaid, the toxin aforesaid), at the general drapery store of James Cullen, 4 Main street, Ennis. Did he attribute this homonymity to information or coincidence or intuition? Coincidence. Did he depict the scene verbally for his guest to see? He preferred himself to see another's face and listen to another's words by which potential narration was realised and kinetic temperament relieved. Did he see only a second coincidence in the second scene narrated to him, described by the narrator as A Pisgah Sight of Palestine or The Parable of the Plums ? It, with the preceding scene and with others unnarrated but existent by implication, to which add essays on various subjects or moral apothegms (e.g. My Favourite Hero or Procrastination is the Thief of Time ) composed during schoolyears, seemed to him to contain in itself and in conjunction with the personal equation certain possibilities of financial, social, personal and sexual success, whether specially collected and selected as model pedagogic themes (of cent per cent merit) for the use of preparatory and junior grade students or contributed in printed form, following the precedent of Philip Beaufoy or Doctor Dick or Heblon's Studies in Blue , to a publication of certified circulation and solvency or employed verbally as intellectual stimulation for sympathetic auditors, tacitly appreciative of successful narrative and confidently augurative of successful achievement, during the increasingly longer nights gradually following the summer solstice on the day but three following, videlicet, Tuesday, 21 June (S. Aloysius Gonzaga), sunrise 3.33 a.m., sunset 8.29 p.m. Which domestic problem as much as, if not more than, any other frequently engaged his mind? What to do with our wives. What had been his hypothetical singular solutions? Parlour games (dominos, halma, tiddledywinks, spilikins, cup and ball, nap, spoil five, bezique, twentyfive, beggar my neighbour, draughts, chess or backgammon): embroidery, darning or knitting for the policeaided clothing society: musical duets, mandoline and guitar, piano and flute, guitar and piano: legal scrivenery or envelope addressing: biweekly visits to variety entertainments: commercial activity as pleasantly commanding and pleasingly obeyed mistress proprietress in a cool dairy shop or warm cigar divan: the clandestine satisfaction of erotic irritation in masculine brothels, state inspected and medically controlled: social visits, at regular infrequent prevented intervals and with regular frequent preventive superintendence, to and from female acquaintances of recognised respectability in the vicinity: courses of evening instruction specially designed to render liberal instruction agreeable. What instances of deficient mental development in his wife inclined him in favour of the lastmentioned (ninth) solution? In disoccupied moments she had more than once covered a sheet of paper with signs and hieroglyphics which she stated were Greek and Irish and Hebrew characters. She had interrogated constantly at varying intervals as to the correct method of writing the capital initial of the name of a city in Canada, Quebec. She understood little of political complications, internal, or balance of power, external. In calculating the addenda of bills she frequently had recourse to digital aid. After completion of laconic epistolary compositions she abandoned the implement of calligraphy in the encaustic pigment, exposed to the corrosive action of copperas, green vitriol and nutgall. Unusual polysyllables of foreign origin she interpreted phonetically or by false analogy or by both: metempsychosis (met him pike hoses), alias (a mendacious person mentioned in sacred scripture). What compensated in the false balance of her intelligence for these and such deficiencies of judgment regarding persons, places and things? The false apparent parallelism of all perpendicular arms of all balances, proved true by construction. The counterbalance of her proficiency of judgment regarding one person, proved true by experiment. How had he attempted to remedy this state of comparative ignorance? Variously. By leaving in a conspicuous place a certain book open at a certain page: by assuming in her, when alluding explanatorily, latent knowledge: by open ridicule in her presence of some absent other's ignorant lapse. With what success had he attempted direct instruction? She followed not all, a part of the whole, gave attention with interest comprehended with surprise, with care repeated, with greater difficulty remembered, forgot with ease, with misgiving reremembered, rerepeated with error. What system had proved more effective? Indirect suggestion implicating selfinterest. Example? She disliked umbrella with rain, he liked woman with umbrella, she disliked new hat with rain, he liked woman with new hat, he bought new hat with rain, she carried umbrella with new hat. Accepting the analogy implied in his guest's parable which examples of postexilic eminence did he adduce? Three seekers of the pure truth, Moses of Egypt, Moses Maimonides, author of More Nebukim (Guide of the Perplexed) and Moses Mendelssohn of such eminence that from Moses (of Egypt) to Moses (Mendelssohn) there arose none like Moses (Maimonides). What statement was made, under correction, by Bloom concerning a fourth seeker of pure truth, by name Aristotle, mentioned, with permission, by Stephen? That the seeker mentioned had been a pupil of a rabbinical philosopher, name uncertain. Were other anapocryphal illustrious sons of the law and children of a selected or rejected race mentioned? Felix Bartholdy Mendelssohn (composer), Baruch Spinoza (philosopher), Mendoza (pugilist), Ferdinand Lassalle (reformer, duellist). What fragments of verse from the ancient Hebrew and ancient Irish languages were cited with modulations of voice and translation of texts by guest to host and by host to guest? By Stephen: suil, suil, suil arun, suil go siocair agus suil go cuin (walk, walk, walk your way, walk in safety, walk with care). By Bloom: Kkifeloch, harimon rakatejch m'baad l'zamatejch (thy temple amid thy hair is as a slice of pomegranate). How was a glyphic comparison of the phonic symbols of both languages made in substantiation of the oral comparison? By juxtaposition. On the penultimate blank page of a book of inferior literary style, entituled Sweets of Sin (produced by Bloom and so manipulated that its front cover came in contact with the surface of the table) with a pencil (supplied by Stephen) Stephen wrote the Irish characters for gee, eh, dee, em, simple and modified, and Bloom in turn wrote the Hebrew characters ghimel, aleph, daleth and (in the absence of mem) a substituted qoph, explaining their arithmetical values as ordinal and cardinal numbers, videlicet 3, 1, 4, and 100. Was the knowledge possessed by both of each of these languages, the extinct and the revived, theoretical or practical? Theoretical, being confined to certain grammatical rules of accidence and syntax and practically excluding vocabulary. What points of contact existed between these languages and between the peoples who spoke them? The presence of guttural sounds, diacritic aspirations, epenthetic and servile letters in both languages: their antiquity, both having been taught on the plain of Shinar 242 years after the deluge in the seminary instituted by Fenius Farsaigh, descendant of Noah, progenitor of Israel, and ascendant of Heber and Heremon, progenitors of Ireland: their archaeological, genealogical, hagiographical, exegetical, homiletic, toponomastic, historical and religious literatures comprising the works of rabbis and culdees, Torah, Talmud (Mischna and Ghemara), Massor, Pentateuch, Book of the Dun Cow, Book of Ballymote, Garland of Howth, Book of Kells: their dispersal, persecution, survival and revival: the isolation of their synagogical and ecclesiastical rites in ghetto (S. Mary's Abbey) and masshouse (Adam and Eve's tavern): the proscription of their national costumes in penal laws and jewish dress acts: the restoration in Chanah David of Zion and the possibility of Irish political autonomy or devolution. What anthem did Bloom chant partially in anticipation of that multiple, ethnically irreducible consummation? Why was the chant arrested at the conclusion of this first distich? In consequence of defective mnemotechnic. How did the chanter compensate for this deficiency? By a periphrastic version of the general text. In what common study did their mutual reflections merge? The increasing simplification traceable from the Egyptian epigraphic hieroglyphs to the Greek and Roman alphabets and the anticipation of modern stenography and telegraphic code in the cuneiform inscriptions (Semitic) and the virgular quinquecostate ogham writing (Celtic). Did the guest comply with his host's request? Doubly, by appending his signature in Irish and Roman characters. What was Stephen's auditive sensation? He heard in a profound ancient male unfamiliar melody the accumulation of the past. What was Bloom's visual sensation? He saw in a quick young male familiar form the predestination of a future. What were Stephen's and Bloom's quasisimultaneous volitional quasisensations of concealed identities? Visually, Stephen's: The traditional figure of hypostasis, depicted by Johannes Damascenus, Lentulus Romanus and Epiphanius Monachus as leucodermic, sesquipedalian with winedark hair. Auditively, Bloom's: The traditional accent of the ecstasy of catastrophe. What future careers had been possible for Bloom in the past and with what exemplars? In the church, Roman, Anglican or Nonconformist: exemplars, the very reverend John Conmee S. J., the reverend T. Salmon, D. D., provost of Trinity college, Dr Alexander J. Dowie. At the bar, English or Irish: exemplars, Seymour Bushe, K. C., Rufus Isaacs, K. C. On the stage modern or Shakespearean: exemplars, Charles Wyndham, high comedian Osmond Tearle (died 1901), exponent of Shakespeare. Did the host encourage his guest to chant in a modulated voice a strange legend on an allied theme? Reassuringly, their place, where none could hear them talk, being secluded, reassured, the decocted beverages, allowing for subsolid residual sediment of a mechanical mixture, water plus sugar plus cream plus cocoa, having been consumed. Recite the first (major) part of this chanted legend. How did the son of Rudolph receive this first part? With unmixed feeling. Smiling, a jew he heard with pleasure and saw the unbroken kitchen window. Recite the second part (minor) of the legend. How did the father of Millicent receive this second part? With mixed feelings. Unsmiling, he heard and saw with wonder a jew's daughter, all dressed in green. Condense Stephen's commentary. One of all, the least of all, is the victim predestined. Once by inadvertence twice by design he challenges his destiny. It comes when he is abandoned and challenges him reluctant and, as an apparition of hope and youth, holds him unresisting. It leads him to a strange habitation, to a secret infidel apartment, and there, implacable, immolates him, consenting. Why was the host (victim predestined) sad? He wished that a tale of a deed should be told of a deed not by him should by him not be told. Why was the host (reluctant, unresisting) still? In accordance with the law of the conservation of energy. Why was the host (secret infidel) silent? He weighed the possible evidences for and against ritual murder: the incitations of the hierarchy, the superstition of the populace, the propagation of rumour in continued fraction of veridicity, the envy of opulence, the influence of retaliation, the sporadic reappearance of atavistic delinquency, the mitigating circumstances of fanaticism, hypnotic suggestion and somnambulism. From which (if any) of these mental or physical disorders was he not totally immune? From hypnotic suggestion: once, waking, he had not recognised his sleeping apartment: more than once, waking, he had been for an indefinite time incapable of moving or uttering sounds. From somnambulism: once, sleeping, his body had risen, crouched and crawled in the direction of a heatless fire and, having attained its destination, there, curled, unheated, in night attire had lain, sleeping. Had this latter or any cognate phenomenon declared itself in any member of his family? Twice, in Holles street and in Ontario terrace, his daughter Millicent (Milly) at the ages of 6 and 8 years had uttered in sleep an exclamation of terror and had replied to the interrogations of two figures in night attire with a vacant mute expression. What other infantile memories had he of her? 15 June 1889. A querulous newborn female infant crying to cause and lessen congestion. A child renamed Padney Socks she shook with shocks her moneybox: counted his three free moneypenny buttons, one, tloo, tlee: a doll, a boy, a sailor she cast away: blond, born of two dark, she had blond ancestry, remote, a violation, Herr Hauptmann Hainau, Austrian army, proximate, a hallucination, lieutenant Mulvey, British navy. What endemic characteristics were present? Conversely the nasal and frontal formation was derived in a direct line of lineage which, though interrupted, would continue at distant intervals to more distant intervals to its most distant intervals. What memories had he of her adolescence? She relegated her hoop and skippingrope to a recess. On the duke's lawn, entreated by an English visitor, she declined to permit him to make and take away her photographic image (objection not stated). On the South Circular road in the company of Elsa Potter, followed by an individual of sinister aspect, she went half way down Stamer street and turned abruptly back (reason of change not stated). On the vigil of the 15th anniversary of her birth she wrote a letter from Mullingar, county Westmeath, making a brief allusion to a local student (faculty and year not stated). Did that first division, portending a second division, afflict him? Less than he had imagined, more than he had hoped. What second departure was contemporaneously perceived by him similarly, if differently? A temporary departure of his cat. Why similarly, why differently? Similarly, because actuated by a secret purpose the quest of a new male (Mullingar student) or of a healing herb (valerian). Differently, because of different possible returns to the inhabitants or to the habitation. In other respects were their differences similar? In passivity, in economy, in the instinct of tradition, in unexpectedness. As? Inasmuch as leaning she sustained her blond hair for him to ribbon it for her (cf neckarching cat). Moreover, on the free surface of the lake in Stephen's green amid inverted reflections of trees her uncommented spit, describing concentric circles of waterrings, indicated by the constancy of its permanence the locus of a somnolent prostrate fish (cf mousewatching cat). Again, in order to remember the date, combatants, issue and consequences of a famous military engagement she pulled a plait of her hair (cf earwashing cat). Furthermore, silly Milly, she dreamed of having had an unspoken unremembered conversation with a horse whose name had been Joseph to whom (which) she had offered a tumblerful of lemonade which it (he) had appeared to have accepted (cf hearthdreaming cat). Hence, in passivity, in economy, in the instinct of tradition, in unexpectedness, their differences were similar. In what way had he utilised gifts (1) an owl, (2) a clock, given as matrimonial auguries, to interest and to instruct her? As object lessons to explain: 1) the nature and habits of oviparous animals, the possibility of aerial flight, certain abnormalities of vision, the secular process of imbalsamation: 2) the principle of the pendulum, exemplified in bob, wheelgear and regulator, the translation in terms of human or social regulation of the various positions of clockwise moveable indicators on an unmoving dial, the exactitude of the recurrence per hour of an instant in each hour when the longer and the shorter indicator were at the same angle of inclination, videlicet , 5 5/11 minutes past each hour per hour in arithmetical progression. In what manners did she reciprocate? She remembered: on the 27th anniversary of his birth she presented to him a breakfast moustachecup of imitation Crown Derby porcelain ware. She provided: at quarter day or thereabouts if or when purchases had been made by him not for her she showed herself attentive to his necessities, anticipating his desires. She admired: a natural phenomenon having been explained by him to her she expressed the immediate desire to possess without gradual acquisition a fraction of his science, the moiety, the quarter, a thousandth part. What proposal did Bloom, diambulist, father of Milly, somnambulist, make to Stephen, noctambulist? To pass in repose the hours intervening between Thursday (proper) and Friday (normal) on an extemporised cubicle in the apartment immediately above the kitchen and immediately adjacent to the sleeping apartment of his host and hostess. What various advantages would or might have resulted from a prolongation of such an extemporisation? For the guest: security of domicile and seclusion of study. For the host: rejuvenation of intelligence, vicarious satisfaction. For the hostess: disintegration of obsession, acquisition of correct Italian pronunciation. Why might these several provisional contingencies between a guest and a hostess not necessarily preclude or be precluded by a permanent eventuality of reconciliatory union between a schoolfellow and a jew's daughter? Because the way to daughter led through mother, the way to mother through daughter. To what inconsequent polysyllabic question of his host did the guest return a monosyllabic negative answer? If he had known the late Mrs Emily Sinico, accidentally killed at Sydney Parade railway station, 14 October 1903. What inchoate corollary statement was consequently suppressed by the host? A statement explanatory of his absence on the occasion of the interment of Mrs Mary Dedalus (born Goulding), 26 June 1903, vigil of the anniversary of the decease of Rudolph Bloom (born Virag). Was the proposal of asylum accepted? Promptly, inexplicably, with amicability, gratefully it was declined. What exchange of money took place between host and guest? The former returned to the latter, without interest, a sum of money (1-7-0), one pound seven shillings sterling, advanced by the latter to the former. What counterproposals were alternately advanced, accepted, modified, declined, restated in other terms, reaccepted, ratified, reconfirmed? To inaugurate a prearranged course of Italian instruction, place the residence of the instructed. To inaugurate a course of vocal instruction, place the residence of the instructress. To inaugurate a series of static semistatic and peripatetic intellectual dialogues, places the residence of both speakers (if both speakers were resident in the same place), the Ship hotel and tavern, 6 Lower Abbey street (W. and E. Connery, proprietors), the National Library of Ireland, 10 Kildare street, the National Maternity Hospital, 29, 30 and 31 Holles street, a public garden, the vicinity of a place of worship, a conjunction of two or more public thoroughfares, the point of bisection of a right line drawn between their residences (if both speakers were resident in different places). What rendered problematic for Bloom the realisation of these mutually selfexcluding propositions? The irreparability of the past: once at a performance of Albert Hengler's circus in the Rotunda, Rutland square, Dublin, an intuitive particoloured clown in quest of paternity had penetrated from the ring to a place in the auditorium where Bloom, solitary, was seated and had publicly declared to an exhilarated audience that he (Bloom) was his (the clown's) papa. The imprevidibility of the future: once in the summer of 1898 he (Bloom) had marked a florin (2/-) with three notches on the milled edge and tendered it m payment of an account due to and received by J. and T. Davy, family grocers, 1 Charlemont Mall, Grand Canal, for circulation on the waters of civic finance, for possible, circuitous or direct, return. Was the clown Bloom's son? No. Had Bloom's coin returned? Never. Why would a recurrent frustration the more depress him? Because at the critical turningpoint of human existence he desired to amend many social conditions, the product of inequality and avarice and international animosity. He believed then that human life was infinitely perfectible, eliminating these conditions? There remained the generic conditions imposed by natural, as distinct from human law, as integral parts of the human whole: the necessity of destruction to procure alimentary sustenance: the painful character of the ultimate functions of separate existence, the agonies of birth and death: the monotonous menstruation of simian and (particularly) human females extending from the age of puberty to the menopause: inevitable accidents at sea, in mines and factories: certain very painful maladies and their resultant surgical operations, innate lunacy and congenital criminality, decimating epidemics: catastrophic cataclysms which make terror the basis of human mentality: seismic upheavals the epicentres of which are located in densely populated regions: the fact of vital growth, through convulsions of metamorphosis, from infancy through maturity to decay. Why did he desist from speculation? Because it was a task for a superior intelligence to substitute other more acceptable phenomena in the place of the less acceptable phenomena to be removed. Did Stephen participate in his dejection? He affirmed his significance as a conscious rational animal proceeding syllogistically from the known to the unknown and a conscious rational reagent between a micro and a macrocosm ineluctably constructed upon the incertitude of the void. Was this affirmation apprehended by Bloom? Not verbally. Substantially. What comforted his misapprehension? That as a competent keyless citizen he had proceeded energetically from the unknown to the known through the incertitude of the void. In what order of precedence, with what attendant ceremony was the exodus from the house of bondage to the wilderness of inhabitation effected? Lighted Candle in Stick borne by Diaconal Hat on Ashplant borne by With what intonation secreto of what commemorative psalm? The 113th, modus peregrinus: In exitu Israel de Egypto: domus Jacob de populo barbaro . What did each do at the door of egress? Bloom set the candlestick on the floor. Stephen put the hat on his head. For what creature was the door of egress a door of ingress? For a cat. What spectacle confronted them when they, first the host, then the guest, emerged silently, doubly dark, from obscurity by a passage from the rere of the house into the penumbra of the garden? The heaventree of stars hung with humid nightblue fruit. With what meditations did Bloom accompany his demonstration to his companion of various constellations? Meditations of evolution increasingly vaster: of the moon invisible in incipient lunation, approaching perigee: of the infinite lattiginous scintillating uncondensed milky way, discernible by daylight by an observer placed at the lower end of a cylindrical vertical shaft 5000 ft deep sunk from the surface towards the centre of the earth: of Sirius (alpha in Canis Maior) 10 lightyears (57,000,000,000,000 miles) distant and in volume 900 times the dimension of our planet: of Arcturus: of the precession of equinoxes: of Orion with belt and sextuple sun theta and nebula in which 100 of our solar systems could be contained: of moribund and of nascent new stars such as Nova in 1901: of our system plunging towards the constellation of Hercules: of the parallax or parallactic drift of socalled fixed stars, in reality evermoving wanderers from immeasurably remote eons to infinitely remote futures in comparison with which the years, threescore and ten, of allotted human life formed a parenthesis of infinitesimal brevity. Were there obverse meditations of involution increasingly less vast? Of the eons of geological periods recorded in the stratifications of the earth: of the myriad minute entomological organic existences concealed in cavities of the earth, beneath removable stones, in hives and mounds, of microbes, germs, bacteria, bacilli, spermatozoa: of the incalculable trillions of billions of millions of imperceptible molecules contained by cohesion of molecular affinity in a single pinhead: of the universe of human serum constellated with red and white bodies, themselves universes of void space constellated with other bodies, each, in continuity, its universe of divisible component bodies of which each was again divisible in divisions of redivisible component bodies, dividends and divisors ever diminishing without actual division till, if the progress were carried far enough, nought nowhere was never reached. Why did he not elaborate these calculations to a more precise result? Because some years previously in 1886 when occupied with the problem of the quadrature of the circle he had learned of the existence of a number computed to a relative degree of accuracy to be of such magnitude and of so many places, e.g., the 9th power of the 9th power of 9, that, the result having been obtained, 33 closely printed volumes of 1000 pages each of innumerable quires and reams of India paper would have to be requisitioned in order to contain the complete tale of its printed integers of units, tens, hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, tens of millions, hundreds of millions, billions, the nucleus of the nebula of every digit of every series containing succinctly the potentiality of being raised to the utmost kinetic elaboration of any power of any of its powers. Did he find the problems of the inhabitability of the planets and their satellites by a race, given in species, and of the possible social and moral redemption of said race by a redeemer, easier of solution? Of a different order of difficulty. Conscious that the human organism, normally capable of sustaining an atmospheric pressure of 19 tons, when elevated to a considerable altitude in the terrestrial atmosphere suffered with arithmetical progression of intensity, according as the line of demarcation between troposphere and stratosphere was approximated from nasal hemorrhage, impeded respiration and vertigo, when proposing this problem for solution, he had conjectured as a working hypothesis which could not be proved impossible that a more adaptable and differently anatomically constructed race of beings might subsist otherwise under Martian, Mercurial, Veneral, Jovian, Saturnian, Neptunian or Uranian sufficient and equivalent conditions, though an apogean humanity of beings created in varying forms with finite differences resulting similar to the whole and to one another would probably there as here remain inalterably and inalienably attached to vanities, to vanities of vanities and to all that is vanity. Which various features of the constellations were in turn considered? The various colours significant of various degrees of vitality (white, yellow, crimson, vermilion, cinnabar): their degrees of brilliancy: their magnitudes revealed up to and including the 7th: their positions: the waggoner's star: Walsingham way: the chariot of David: the annular cinctures of Saturn: the condensation of spiral nebulae into suns: the interdependent gyrations of double suns: the independent synchronous discoveries of Galileo, Simon Marius, Piazzi, Le Verrier, Herschel, Galle: the systematisations attempted by Bode and Kepler of cubes of distances and squares of times of revolution: the almost infinite compressibility of hirsute comets and their vast elliptical egressive and reentrant orbits from perihelion to aphelion: the sidereal origin of meteoric stones: the Libyan floods on Mars about the period of the birth of the younger astroscopist: the annual recurrence of meteoric showers about the period of the feast of S. Lawrence (martyr, lo August): the monthly recurrence known as the new moon with the old moon in her arms: the posited influence of celestial on human bodies: the appearance of a star (1st magnitude) of exceeding brilliancy dominating by night and day (a new luminous sun generated by the collision and amalgamation in incandescence of two nonluminous exsuns) about the period of the birth of William Shakespeare over delta in the recumbent neversetting constellation of Cassiopeia and of a star (2nd magnitude) of similar origin but of lesser brilliancy which had appeared in and disappeared from the constellation of the Corona Septentrionalis about the period of the birth of Leopold Bloom and of other stars of (presumably) similar origin which had (effectively or presumably) appeared in and disappeared from the constellation of Andromeda about the period of the birth of Stephen Dedalus, and in and from the constellation of Auriga some years after the birth and death of Rudolph Bloom, junior, and in and from other constellations some years before or after the birth or death of other persons: the attendant phenomena of eclipses, solar and lunar, from immersion to emersion, abatement of wind, transit of shadow, taciturnity of winged creatures, emergence of nocturnal or crepuscular animals, persistence of infernal light, obscurity of terrestrial waters, pallor of human beings. His (Bloom's) logical conclusion, having weighed the matter and allowing for possible error? That it was not a heaventree, not a heavengrot, not a heavenbeast, not a heavenman. That it was a Utopia, there being no known method from the known to the unknown: an infinity renderable equally finite by the suppositious apposition of one or more bodies equally of the same and of different magnitudes: a mobility of illusory forms immobilised in space, remobilised in air: a past which possibly had ceased to exist as a present before its probable spectators had entered actual present existence. Was he more convinced of the esthetic value of the spectacle? Indubitably in consequence of the reiterated examples of poets in the delirium of the frenzy of attachment or in the abasement of rejection invoking ardent sympathetic constellations or the frigidity of the satellite of their planet. Did he then accept as an article of belief the theory of astrological influences upon sublunary disasters? It seemed to him as possible of proof as of confutation and the nomenclature employed in its selenographical charts as attributable to verifiable intuition as to fallacious analogy: the lake of dreams, the sea of rains, the gulf of dews, the ocean of fecundity. What special affinities appeared to him to exist between the moon and woman? Her antiquity in preceding and surviving successive tellurian generations: her nocturnal predominance: her satellitic dependence: her luminary reflection: her constancy under all her phases, rising and setting by her appointed times, waxing and waning: the forced invariability of her aspect: her indeterminate response to inaffirmative interrogation: her potency over effluent and refluent waters: her power to enamour, to mortify, to invest with beauty, to render insane, to incite to and aid delinquency: the tranquil inscrutability of her visage: the terribility of her isolated dominant implacable resplendent propinquity: her omens of tempest and of calm: the stimulation of her light, her motion and her presence: the admonition of her craters, her arid seas, her silence: her splendour, when visible: her attraction, when invisible. What visible luminous sign attracted Bloom's, who attracted Stephen's, gaze? In the second storey (rere) of his (Bloom's) house the light of a paraffin oil lamp with oblique shade projected on a screen of roller blind supplied by Frank O'Hara, window blind, curtain pole and revolving shutter manufacturer, 16 Aungier street. How did he elucidate the mystery of an invisible attractive person, his wife Marion (Molly) Bloom, denoted by a visible splendid sign, a lamp? With indirect and direct verbal allusions or affirmations: with subdued affection and admiration: with description: with impediment: with suggestion. Both then were silent? Silent, each contemplating the other in both mirrors of the reciprocal flesh of theirhisnothis fellowfaces. Were they indefinitely inactive? At Stephen's suggestion, at Bloom's instigation both, first Stephen, then Bloom, in penumbra urinated, their sides contiguous, their organs of micturition reciprocally rendered invisible by manual circumposition, their gazes, first Bloom's, then Stephen's, elevated to the projected luminous and semiluminous shadow. Similarly? The trajectories of their, first sequent, then simultaneous, urinations were dissimilar: Bloom's longer, less irruent, in the incomplete form of the bifurcated penultimate alphabetical letter, who in his ultimate year at High School (1880) had been capable of attaining the point of greatest altitude against the whole concurrent strength of the institution, 210 scholars: Stephen's higher, more sibilant, who in the ultimate hours of the previous day had augmented by diuretic consumption an insistent vesical pressure. What different problems presented themselves to each concerning the invisible audible collateral organ of the other? To Bloom: the problems of irritability, tumescence, rigidity, reactivity, dimension, sanitariness, pilosity. To Stephen: the problem of the sacerdotal integrity of Jesus circumcised (I January, holiday of obligation to hear mass and abstain from unnecessary servile work) and the problem as to whether the divine prepuce, the carnal bridal ring of the holy Roman catholic apostolic church, conserved in Calcata, were deserving of simple hyperduly or of the fourth degree of latria accorded to the abscission of such divine excrescences as hair and toenails. What celestial sign was by both simultaneously observed? A star precipitated with great apparent velocity across the firmament from Vega in the Lyre above the zenith beyond the stargroup of the Tress of Berenice towards the zodiacal sign of Leo. How did the centripetal remainer afford egress to the centrifugal departer? By inserting the barrel of an arruginated male key in the hole of an unstable female lock, obtaining a purchase on the bow of the key and turning its wards from right to left, withdrawing a bolt from its staple, pulling inward spasmodically an obsolescent unhinged door and revealing an aperture for free egress and free ingress. How did they take leave, one of the other, in separation? Standing perpendicular at the same door and on different sides of its base, the lines of their valedictory arms, meeting at any point and forming any angle less than the sum of two right angles. What sound accompanied the union of their tangent, the disunion of their (respectively) centrifugal and centripetal hands? The sound of the peal of the hour of the night by the chime of the bells in the church of Saint George. What echoes of that sound were by both and each heard? By Stephen: Liliata rutilantium. Turma circumdet. Iubilantium te virginum. Chorus excipiat. By Bloom: Where were the several members of the company which with Bloom that day at the bidding of that peal had travelled from Sandymount in the south to Glasnevin in the north? Martin Cunningham (in bed), Jack Power (in bed), Simon Dedalus (in bed), Ned Lambert (in bed), Tom Kernan (in bed), Joe Hynes (in bed), John Henry Menton (in bed), Bernard Corrigan (in bed), Patsy Dignam (in bed), Paddy Dignam (in the grave). Alone, what did Bloom hear? The double reverberation of retreating feet on the heavenborn earth, the double vibration of a jew's harp in the resonant lane. Alone, what did Bloom feel? The cold of interstellar space, thousands of degrees below freezing point or the absolute zero of Fahrenheit, Centigrade or Reaumur: the incipient intimations of proximate dawn. Of what did bellchime and handtouch and footstep and lonechill remind him? Of companions now in various manners in different places defunct: Percy Apjohn (killed in action, Modder River), Philip Gilligan (phthisis, Jervis Street hospital), Matthew F. Kane (accidental drowning, Dublin Bay), Philip Moisel (pyemia, Heytesbury street), Michael Hart (phthisis, Mater Misericordiae hospital), Patrick Dignam (apoplexy, Sandymount). What prospect of what phenomena inclined him to remain? The disparition of three final stars, the diffusion of daybreak, the apparition of a new solar disk. Had he ever been a spectator of those phenomena? Once, in 1887, after a protracted performance of charades in the house of Luke Doyle, Kimmage, he had awaited with patience the apparition of the diurnal phenomenon, seated on a wall, his gaze turned in the direction of Mizrach, the east. He remembered the initial paraphenomena? More active air, a matutinal distant cock, ecclesiastical clocks at various points, avine music, the isolated tread of an early wayfarer, the visible diffusion of the light of an invisible luminous body, the first golden limb of the resurgent sun perceptible low on the horizon. Did he remain? With deep inspiration he returned, retraversing the garden, reentering the passage, reclosing the door. With brief suspiration he reassumed the candle, reascended the stairs, reapproached the door of the front room, hallfloor, and reentered. What suddenly arrested his ingress? The right temporal lobe of the hollow sphere of his cranium came into contact with a solid timber angle where, an infinitesimal but sensible fraction of a second later, a painful sensation was located in consequence of antecedent sensations transmitted and registered. Describe the alterations effected in the disposition of the articles of furniture. A sofa upholstered in prune plush had been translocated from opposite the door to the ingleside near the compactly furled Union Jack (an alteration which he had frequently intended to execute): the blue and white checker inlaid majolicatopped table had been placed opposite the door in the place vacated by the prune plush sofa: the walnut sideboard (a projecting angle of which had momentarily arrested his ingress) had been moved from its position beside the door to a more advantageous but more perilous position in front of the door: two chairs had been moved from right and left of the ingleside to the position originally occupied by the blue and white checker inlaid majolicatopped table. Describe them. One: a squat stuffed easychair, with stout arms extended and back slanted to the rere, which, repelled in recoil, had then upturned an irregular fringe of a rectangular rug and now displayed on its amply upholstered seat a centralised diffusing and diminishing discolouration. The other: a slender splayfoot chair of glossy cane curves, placed directly opposite the former, its frame from top to seat and from seat to base being varnished dark brown, its seat being a bright circle of white plaited rush. What significances attached to these two chairs? Significances of similitude, of posture, of symbolism, of circumstantial evidence, of testimonial supermanence. What occupied the position originally occupied by the sideboard? A vertical piano (Cadby) with exposed keyboard, its closed coffin supporting a pair of long yellow ladies' gloves and an emerald ashtray containing four consumed matches, a partly consumed cigarette and two discoloured ends of cigarettes, its musicrest supporting the music in the key of G natural for voice and piano of Love's Old Sweet Song (words by G. Clifton Bingham, composed by J. L. Molloy, sung by Madam Antoinette Sterling) open at the last page with the final indications ad libitum, forte , pedal, animato , sustained pedal, ritirando , close. With what sensations did Bloom contemplate in rotation these objects? With strain, elevating a candlestick: with pain, feeling on his right temple a contused tumescence: with attention, focussing his gaze on a large dull passive and a slender bright active: with solicitation, bending and downturning the upturned rugfringe: with amusement, remembering Dr Malachi Mulligan's scheme of colour containing the gradation of green: with pleasure, repeating the words and antecedent act and perceiving through various channels of internal sensibility the consequent and concomitant tepid pleasant diffusion of gradual discolouration. His next proceeding? From an open box on the majolicatopped table he extracted a black diminutive cone, one inch in height, placed it on its circular base on a small tin plate, placed his candlestick on the right corner of the mantelpiece, produced from his waistcoat a folded page of prospectus (illustrated) entitled Agendath Netaim, unfolded the same, examined it superficially, rolled it into a thin cylinder, ignited it in the candleflame, applied it when ignited to the apex of the cone till the latter reached the stage of rutilance, placed the cylinder in the basin of the candlestick disposing its unconsumed part in such a manner as to facilitate total combustion. What followed this operation? The truncated conical crater summit of the diminutive volcano emitted a vertical and serpentine fume redolent of aromatic oriental incense. What homothetic objects, other than the candlestick, stood on the mantelpiece? A timepiece of striated Connemara marble, stopped at the hour of 4.46 a.m. on the 21 March 1896, matrimonial gift of Matthew Dillon: a dwarf tree of glacial arborescence under a transparent bellshade, matrimonial gift of Luke and Caroline Doyle: an embalmed owl, matrimonial gift of Alderman John Hooper. What interchanges of looks took place between these three objects and Bloom? In the mirror of the giltbordered pierglass the undecorated back of the dwarf tree regarded the upright back of the embalmed owl. Before the mirror the matrimonial gift of Alderman John Hooper with a clear melancholy wise bright motionless compassionate gaze regarded Bloom while Bloom with obscure tranquil profound motionless compassionated gaze regarded the matrimonial gift of Luke and Caroline Doyle. What composite asymmetrical image in the mirror then attracted his attention? The image of a solitary (ipsorelative) mutable (aliorelative) man. Why solitary (ipsorelative)? Brothers and sisters had he none. Yet that man's father was his grandfather's son. Why mutable (aliorelative)? From infancy to maturity he had resembled his maternal procreatrix. From maturity to senility he would increasingly resemble his paternal procreator. What final visual impression was communicated to him by the mirror? The optical reflection of several inverted volumes improperly arranged and not in the order of their common letters with scintillating titles on the two bookshelves opposite. Catalogue these books. Thom's Dublin Post Office Directory, 1886 . Denis Florence M'Carthy's Poetical Works (copper beechleaf bookmark at p. 5). Shakespeare's Works (dark crimson morocco, goldtooled). The Useful Ready Reckoner (brown cloth). The Secret History of the Court of Charles II (red cloth, tooled binding). The Child's Guide (blue cloth). The Beauties of Killarney (wrappers). When We Were Boys by William O'Brien M. P. (green cloth, slightly faded, envelope bookmark at p. 217). Thoughts from Spinoza (maroon leather). The Story of the Heavens by Sir Robert Ball (blue cloth). Ellis's Three Trips to Madagascar (brown cloth, title obliterated). The Stark-Munro Letters by A. Conan Doyle, property of the City of Dublin Public Library, 106 Capel street, lent 21 May (Whitsun Eve) 1904, due 4 June 1904, 13 days overdue (black cloth binding, bearing white letternumber ticket). Voyages in China by "Viator" (recovered with brown paper, red ink title). Philosophy of the Talmud (sewn pamphlet). Lockhart's Life of Napoleon (cover wanting, marginal annotations, minimising victories, aggrandising defeats of the protagonist). Soll und Haben by Gustav Freytag (black boards, Gothic characters, cigarette coupon bookmark at p. 24). Hozier's History of the Russo-Turkish War (brown cloth, a volumes, with gummed label, Garrison Library, Governor's Parade, Gibraltar, on verso of cover). Laurence Bloomfield in Ireland by William Allingham (second edition, green cloth, gilt trefoil design, previous owner's name on recto of flyleaf erased). A Handbook of Astronomy (cover, brown leather, detached, S plates, antique letterpress long primer, author's footnotes nonpareil, marginal clues brevier, captions small pica). The Hidden Life of Christ (black boards). In the Track of the Sun (yellow cloth, titlepage missing, recurrent title intestation). Physical Strength and How to Obtain It by Eugen Sandow (red cloth). Short but yet Plain Elements of Geometry written in French by F. Ignat. Pardies and rendered into English by John Harris D. D. London, printed for R. Knaplock at the Bifhop's Head, MDCCXI, with dedicatory epiftle to his worthy friend Charles Cox, efquire, Member of Parliament for the burgh of Southwark and having ink calligraphed statement on the flyleaf certifying that the book was the property of Michael Gallagher, dated this 10th day of May 1822 and requefting the perfon who should find it, if the book should be loft or go aftray, to reftore it to Michael Gallagher, carpenter, Dufery Gate, Ennifcorthy, county Wicklow, the fineft place in the world. What reflections occupied his mind during the process of reversion of the inverted volumes? The necessity of order, a place for everything and everything in its place: the deficient appreciation of literature possessed by females: the incongruity of an apple incuneated in a tumbler and of an umbrella inclined in a closestool: the insecurity of hiding any secret document behind, beneath or between the pages of a book. Which volume was the largest in bulk? Hozier's History of the Russo-Turkish war. What among other data did the second volume of the work in question contain? The name of a decisive battle (forgotten), frequently remembered by a decisive officer, major Brian Cooper Tweedy (remembered). Why, firstly and secondly, did he not consult the work in question? Firstly, in order to exercise mnemotechnic: secondly, because after an interval of amnesia, when, seated at the central table, about to consult the work in question, he remembered by mnemotechnic the name of the military engagement, Plevna. What caused him consolation in his sitting posture? The candour, nudity, pose, tranquility, youth, grace, sex, counsel of a statue erect in the centre of the table, an image of Narcissus purchased by auction from P. A. Wren, 9 Bachelor's Walk. What caused him irritation in his sitting posture? Inhibitory pressure of collar (size 17) and waistcoat (5 buttons), two articles of clothing superfluous in the costume of mature males and inelastic to alterations of mass by expansion. How was the irritation allayed? He removed his collar, with contained black necktie and collapsible stud, from his neck to a position on the left of the table. He unbuttoned successively in reversed direction waistcoat, trousers, shirt and vest along the medial line of irregular incrispated black hairs extending in triangular convergence from the pelvic basin over the circumference of the abdomen and umbilicular fossicle along the medial line of nodes to the intersection of the sixth pectoral vertebrae, thence produced both ways at right angles and terminating in circles described about two equidistant points, right and left, on the summits of the mammary prominences. He unbraced successively each of six minus one braced trouser buttons, arranged in pairs, of which one incomplete. What involuntary actions followed? He compressed between 2 fingers the flesh circumjacent to a cicatrice in the left infracostal region below the diaphragm resulting from a sting inflicted 2 weeks and 3 days previously (23 May 1904) by a bee. He scratched imprecisely with his right hand, though insensible of prurition, various points and surfaces of his partly exposed, wholly abluted skin. He inserted his left hand into the left lower pocket of his waistcoat and extracted and replaced a silver coin (I shilling), placed there (presumably) on the occasion (17 October 1903) of the interment of Mrs Emily Sinico, Sydney Parade. Compile the budget for 16 June 1904. DEBIT Did the process of divestiture continue? Sensible of a benignant persistent ache in his footsoles he extended his foot to one side and observed the creases, protuberances and salient points caused by foot pressure in the course of walking repeatedly in several different directions, then, inclined, he disnoded the laceknots, unhooked and loosened the laces, took off each of his two boots for the second time, detached the partially moistened right sock through the fore part of which the nail of his great toe had again effracted, raised his right foot and, having unhooked a purple elastic sock suspender, took off his right sock, placed his unclothed right foot on the margin of the seat of his chair, picked at and gently lacerated the protruding part of the great toenail, raised the part lacerated to his nostrils and inhaled the odour of the quick, then, with satisfaction, threw away the lacerated ungual fragment. Why with satisfaction? Because the odour inhaled corresponded to other odours inhaled of other ungual fragments, picked and lacerated by Master Bloom, pupil of Mrs Ellis's juvenile school, patiently each night in the act of brief genuflection and nocturnal prayer and ambitious meditation. In what ultimate ambition had all concurrent and consecutive ambitions now coalesced? Not to inherit by right of primogeniture, gavelkind or borough English, or possess in perpetuity an extensive demesne of a sufficient number of acres, roods and perches, statute land measure (valuation 42 pounds), of grazing turbary surrounding a baronial hall with gatelodge and carriage drive nor, on the other hand, a terracehouse or semidetached villa, described as Rus in Urbe or Qui si sana , but to purchase by private treaty in fee simple a thatched bungalowshaped 2 storey dwellinghouse of southerly aspect, surmounted by vane and lightning conductor, connected with the earth, with porch covered by parasitic plants (ivy or Virginia creeper), halldoor, olive green, with smart carriage finish and neat doorbrasses, stucco front with gilt tracery at eaves and gable, rising, if possible, upon a gentle eminence with agreeable prospect from balcony with stone pillar parapet over unoccupied and unoccupyable interjacent pastures and standing in 5 or 6 acres of its own ground, at such a distance from the nearest public thoroughfare as to render its houselights visible at night above and through a quickset hornbeam hedge of topiary cutting, situate at a given point not less than 1 statute mile from the periphery of the metropolis, within a time limit of not more than 15 minutes from tram or train line (e.g., Dundrum, south, or Sutton, north, both localities equally reported by trial to resemble the terrestrial poles in being favourable climates for phthisical subjects), the premises to be held under feefarm grant, lease 999 years, the messuage to consist of 1 drawingroom with baywindow (2 lancets), thermometer affixed, 1 sittingroom, 4 bedrooms, 2 servants' rooms, tiled kitchen with close range and scullery, lounge hall fitted with linen wallpresses, fumed oak sectional bookcase containing the Encyclopaedia Britannica and New Century Dictionary, transverse obsolete medieval and oriental weapons, dinner gong, alabaster lamp, bowl pendant, vulcanite automatic telephone receiver with adjacent directory, handtufted Axminster carpet with cream ground and trellis border, loo table with pillar and claw legs, hearth with massive firebrasses and ormolu mantel chronometer clock, guaranteed timekeeper with cathedral chime, barometer with hygrographic chart, comfortable lounge settees and corner fitments, upholstered in ruby plush with good springing and sunk centre, three banner Japanese screen and cuspidors (club style, rich winecoloured leather, gloss renewable with a minimum of labour by use of linseed oil and vinegar) and pyramidically prismatic central chandelier lustre, bentwood perch with fingertame parrot (expurgated language), embossed mural paper at 10/- per dozen with transverse swags of carmine floral design and top crown frieze, staircase, three continuous flights at successive right angles, of varnished cleargrained oak, treads and risers, newel, balusters and handrail, with steppedup panel dado, dressed with camphorated wax: bathroom, hot and cold supply, reclining and shower: water closet on mezzanine provided with opaque singlepane oblong window, tipup seat, bracket lamp, brass tierod and brace, armrests, footstool and artistic oleograph on inner face of door: ditto, plain: servants' apartments with separate sanitary and hygienic necessaries for cook, general and betweenmaid (salary, rising by biennial unearned increments of 2 pounds, with comprehensive fidelity insurance, annual bonus (1 pound) and retiring allowance (based on the 65 system) after 30 years' service), pantry, buttery, larder, refrigerator, outoffices, coal and wood cellarage with winebin (still and sparkling vintages) for distinguished guests, if entertained to dinner (evening dress), carbon monoxide gas supply throughout. What additional attractions might the grounds contain? As addenda, a tennis and fives court, a shrubbery, a glass summerhouse with tropical palms, equipped in the best botanical manner, a rockery with waterspray, a beehive arranged on humane principles, oval flowerbeds in rectangular grassplots set with eccentric ellipses of scarlet and chrome tulips, blue scillas, crocuses, polyanthus, sweet William, sweet pea, lily of the valley (bulbs obtainable from sir James W. Mackey (Limited) wholesale and retail seed and bulb merchants and nurserymen, agents for chemical manures, 23 Sackville street, upper), an orchard, kitchen garden and vinery protected against illegal trespassers by glasstopped mural enclosures, a lumbershed with padlock for various inventoried implements. As? Eeltraps, lobsterpots, fishingrods, hatchet, steelyard, grindstone, clodcrusher, swatheturner, carriagesack, telescope ladder, 10 tooth rake, washing clogs, haytedder, tumbling rake, billhook, paintpot, brush, hoe and so on. What improvements might be subsequently introduced? A rabbitry and fowlrun, a dovecote, a botanical conservatory, 2 hammocks (lady's and gentleman's), a sundial shaded and sheltered by laburnum or lilac trees, an exotically harmonically accorded Japanese tinkle gatebell affixed to left lateral gatepost, a capacious waterbutt, a lawnmower with side delivery and grassbox, a lawnsprinkler with hydraulic hose. What facilities of transit were desirable? When citybound frequent connection by train or tram from their respective intermediate station or terminal. When countrybound velocipedes, a chainless freewheel roadster cycle with side basketcar attached, or draught conveyance, a donkey with wicker trap or smart phaeton with good working solidungular cob (roan gelding, 14 h). What might be the name of this erigible or erected residence? Bloom Cottage. Saint Leopold's. Flowerville. Could Bloom of 7 Eccles street foresee Bloom of Flowerville? In loose allwool garments with Harris tweed cap, price 8/6, and useful garden boots with elastic gussets and wateringcan, planting aligned young firtrees, syringing, pruning, staking, sowing hayseed, trundling a weedladen wheelbarrow without excessive fatigue at sunset amid the scent of newmown hay, ameliorating the soil, multiplying wisdom, achieving longevity. What syllabus of intellectual pursuits was simultaneously possible? Snapshot photography, comparative study of religions, folklore relative to various amatory and superstitious practices, contemplation of the celestial constellations. What lighter recreations? Outdoor: garden and fieldwork, cycling on level macadamised causeways ascents of moderately high hills, natation in secluded fresh water and unmolested river boating in secure wherry or light curricle with kedge anchor on reaches free from weirs and rapids (period of estivation), vespertinal perambulation or equestrian circumprocession with inspection of sterile landscape and contrastingly agreeable cottagers' fires of smoking peat turves (period of hibernation). Indoor: discussion in tepid security of unsolved historical and criminal problems: lecture of unexpurgated exotic erotic masterpieces: house carpentry with toolbox containing hammer, awl nails, screws, tintacks, gimlet, tweezers, bullnose plane and turnscrew. Might he become a gentleman farmer of field produce and live stock? Not impossibly, with 1 or 2 stripper cows, 1 pike of upland hay and requisite farming implements, e.g., an end-to-end churn, a turnip pulper etc. What would be his civic functions and social status among the county families and landed gentry? Arranged successively in ascending powers of hierarchical order, that of gardener, groundsman, cultivator, breeder, and at the zenith of his career, resident magistrate or justice of the peace with a family crest and coat of arms and appropriate classical motto (Semper paratus ), duly recorded in the court directory (Bloom, Leopold P., M. P., P. C., K. P., L. L. D. ( honoris causa ), Bloomville, Dundrum) and mentioned in court and fashionable intelligence (Mr and Mrs Leopold Bloom have left Kingstown for England). What course of action did he outline for himself in such capacity? A course that lay between undue clemency and excessive rigour: the dispensation in a heterogeneous society of arbitrary classes, incessantly rearranged in terms of greater and lesser social inequality, of unbiassed homogeneous indisputable justice, tempered with mitigants of the widest possible latitude but exactable to the uttermost farthing with confiscation of estate, real and personal, to the crown. Loyal to the highest constituted power in the land, actuated by an innate love of rectitude his aims would be the strict maintenance of public order, the repression of many abuses though not of all simultaneously (every measure of reform or retrenchment being a preliminary solution to be contained by fluxion in the final solution), the upholding of the letter of the law (common, statute and law merchant) against all traversers in covin and trespassers acting in contravention of bylaws and regulations, all resuscitators (by trespass and petty larceny of kindlings) of venville rights, obsolete by desuetude, all orotund instigators of international persecution, all perpetuators of international animosities, all menial molestors of domestic conviviality, all recalcitrant violators of domestic connubiality. Prove that he had loved rectitude from his earliest youth. To Master Percy Apjohn at High School in 1880 he had divulged his disbelief in the tenets of the Irish (protestant) church (to which his father Rudolf Virag (later Rudolph Bloom) had been converted from the Israelitic faith and communion in 1865 by the Society for promoting Christianity among the jews) subsequently abjured by him in favour of Roman catholicism at the epoch of and with a view to his matrimony in 1888. To Daniel Magrane and Francis Wade in 1882 during a juvenile friendship (terminated by the premature emigration of the former) he had advocated during nocturnal perambulations the political theory of colonial (e.g. Canadian) expansion and the evolutionary theories of Charles Darwin, expounded in The Descent of Man and The Origin of Species . In 1885 he had publicly expressed his adherence to the collective and national economic programme advocated by James Fintan Lalor, John Fisher Murray, John Mitchel, J. F. X. O'Brien and others, the agrarian policy of Michael Davitt, the constitutional agitation of Charles Stewart Parnell (M. P. for Cork City), the programme of peace, retrenchment and reform of William Ewart Gladstone (M. P. for Midlothian, N. B.) and, in support of his political convictions, had climbed up into a secure position amid the ramifications of a tree on Northumberland road to see the entrance (2 February 1888) into the capital of a demonstrative torchlight procession of 20,000 torchbearers, divided into 120 trade corporations, bearing 2000 torches in escort of the marquess of Ripon and (honest) John Morley. How much and how did he propose to pay for this country residence? As per prospectus of the Industrious Foreign Acclimatised Nationalised Friendly Stateaided Building Society (incorporated 1874), a maximum of 60 pounds per annum, being 1/6 of an assured income, derived from giltedged securities, representing at 5 % simple interest on capital of 1200 pounds (estimate of price at 20 years' purchase), of which to be paid on acquisition and the balance in the form of annual rent, viz. 800 pounds plus 2 1/2 % interest on the same, repayable quarterly in equal annual instalments until extinction by amortisation of loan advanced for purchase within a period of 20 years, amounting to an annual rental of 64 pounds, headrent included, the titledeeds to remain in possession of the lender or lenders with a saving clause envisaging forced sale, foreclosure and mutual compensation in the event of protracted failure to pay the terms assigned, otherwise the messuage to become the absolute property of the tenant occupier upon expiry of the period of years stipulated. What rapid but insecure means to opulence might facilitate immediate purchase? A private wireless telegraph which would transmit by dot and dash system the result of a national equine handicap (flat or steeplechase) of I or more miles and furlongs won by an outsider at odds of 50 to 1 at 3 hr 8 m p.m. at Ascot (Greenwich time), the message being received and available for betting purposes in Dublin at 2.59 p.m. (Dunsink time). The unexpected discovery of an object of great monetary value (precious stone, valuable adhesive or impressed postage stamps (7 schilling, mauve, imperforate, Hamburg, 1866: 4 pence, rose, blue paper, perforate, Great Britain, 1855: 1 franc, stone, official, rouletted, diagonal surcharge, Luxemburg, 1878), antique dynastical ring, unique relic) in unusual repositories or by unusual means: from the air (dropped by an eagle in flight), by fire (amid the carbonised remains of an incendiated edifice), in the sea (amid flotsam, jetsam, lagan and derelict), on earth (in the gizzard of a comestible fowl). A Spanish prisoner's donation of a distant treasure of valuables or specie or bullion lodged with a solvent banking corporation loo years previously at 5% compound interest of the collective worth of 5,000,000 pounds stg (five million pounds sterling). A contract with an inconsiderate contractee for the delivery of 32 consignments of some given commodity in consideration of cash payment on delivery per delivery at the initial rate of 1/4d to be increased constantly in the geometrical progression of 2 (1/4d, 1/2d, 1d, 2d, 4d, 8d, 1s 4d, 2s 8d to 32 terms). A prepared scheme based on a study of the laws of probability to break the bank at Monte Carlo. A solution of the secular problem of the quadrature of the circle, government premium 1,000,000 pounds sterling. Was vast wealth acquirable through industrial channels? The reclamation of dunams of waste arenary soil, proposed in the prospectus of Agendath Netaim, Bleibtreustrasse, Berlin, W. 15, by the cultivation of orange plantations and melonfields and reafforestation. The utilisation of waste paper, fells of sewer rodents, human excrement possessing chemical properties, in view of the vast production of the first, vast number of the second and immense quantity of the third, every normal human being of average vitality and appetite producing annually, cancelling byproducts of water, a sum total of 80 lbs. (mixed animal and vegetable diet), to be multiplied by 4,386,035, the total population of Ireland according to census returns of 1901. Were there schemes of wider scope? A scheme to be formulated and submitted for approval to the harbour commissioners for the exploitation of white coal (hydraulic power), obtained by hydroelectric plant at peak of tide at Dublin bar or at head of water at Poulaphouca or Powerscourt or catchment basins of main streams for the economic production of 500,000 W. H. P. of electricity. A scheme to enclose the peninsular delta of the North Bull at Dollymount and erect on the space of the foreland, used for golf links and rifle ranges, an asphalted esplanade with casinos, booths, shooting galleries, hotels, boardinghouses, readingrooms, establishments for mixed bathing. A scheme for the use of dogvans and goatvans for the delivery of early morning milk. A scheme for the development of Irish tourist traffic in and around Dublin by means of petrolpropelled riverboats, plying in the fluvial fairway between Island bridge and Ringsend, charabancs, narrow gauge local railways, and pleasure steamers for coastwise navigation (10/- per person per day, guide (trilingual) included). A scheme for the repristination of passenger and goods traffics over Irish waterways, when freed from weedbeds. A scheme to connect by tramline the Cattle Market (North Circular road and Prussia street) with the quays (Sheriff street, lower, and East Wall), parallel with the Link line railway laid (in conjunction with the Great Southern and Western railway line) between the cattle park, Liffey junction, and terminus of Midland Great Western Railway 43 to 45 North Wall, in proximity to the terminal stations or Dublin branches of Great Central Railway, Midland Railway of England, City of Dublin Steam Packet Company, Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway Company, Dublin and Glasgow Steam Packet Company, Glasgow, Dublin and Londonderry Steam Packet Company (Laird line), British and Irish Steam Packet Company, Dublin and Morecambe Steamers, London and North Western Railway Company, Dublin Port and Docks Board Landing Sheds and transit sheds of Palgrave, Murphy and Company, steamship owners, agents for steamers from Mediterranean, Spain, Portugal, France, Belgium and Holland and for Liverpool Underwriters' Association, the cost of acquired rolling stock for animal transport and of additional mileage operated by the Dublin United Tramways Company, limited, to be covered by graziers' fees. Positing what protasis would the contraction for such several schemes become a natural and necessary apodosis? Given a guarantee equal to the sum sought, the support, by deed of gift and transfer vouchers during donor's lifetime or by bequest after donor's painless extinction, of eminent financiers (Blum Pasha, Rothschild Guggenheim, Hirsch, Montefiore, Morgan, Rockefeller) possessing fortunes in 6 figures, amassed during a successful life, and joining capital with opportunity the thing required was done. What eventuality would render him independent of such wealth? The independent discovery of a goldseam of inexhaustible ore. For what reason did he meditate on schemes so difficult of realisation? It was one of his axioms that similar meditations or the automatic relation to himself of a narrative concerning himself or tranquil recollection of the past when practised habitually before retiring for the night alleviated fatigue and produced as a result sound repose and renovated vitality. His justifications? As a physicist he had learned that of the 70 years of complete human life at least 2/7, viz. 20 years are passed in sleep. As a philosopher he knew that at the termination of any allotted life only an infinitesimal part of any person's desires has been realised. As a physiologist he believed in the artificial placation of malignant agencies chiefly operative during somnolence. What did he fear? The committal of homicide or suicide during sleep by an aberration of the light of reason, the incommensurable categorical intelligence situated in the cerebral convolutions. What were habitually his final meditations? Of some one sole unique advertisement to cause passers to stop in wonder, a poster novelty, with all extraneous accretions excluded, reduced to its simplest and most efficient terms not exceeding the span of casual vision and congruous with the velocity of modern life. What did the first drawer unlocked contain? A Vere Foster's handwriting copybook, property of Milly (Millicent) Bloom, certain pages of which bore diagram drawings, marked Papli , which showed a large globular head with 5 hairs erect, 2 eyes in profile, the trunk full front with 3 large buttons, 1 triangular foot: 2 fading photographs of queen Alexandra of England and of Maud Branscombe, actress and professional beauty: a Yuletide card, bearing on it a pictorial representation of a parasitic plant, the legend Mizpah , the date Xmas 1892, the name of the senders: from Mr + Mrs M. Comerford, the versicle: May this Yuletide bring to thee, Joy and peace and welcome glee : a butt of red partly liquefied sealing wax, obtained from the stores department of Messrs Hely's, Ltd., 89, 90, and 91 Dame street: a box containing the remainder of a gross of gilt "J" pennibs, obtained from same department of same firm: an old sandglass which rolled containing sand which rolled: a sealed prophecy (never unsealed) written by Leopold Bloom in 1886 concerning the consequences of the passing into law of William Ewart Gladstone's Home Rule bill of 1886 (never passed into law): a bazaar ticket, no 2004, of S. Kevin's Charity Fair, price 6d, 100 prizes: an infantile epistle, dated, small em monday, reading: capital pee Papli comma capital aitch How are you note of interrogation capital eye I am very well full stop new paragraph signature with flourishes capital em Milly no stop: a cameo brooch, property of Ellen Bloom (born Higgins), deceased: a cameo scarfpin, property of Rudolph Bloom (born Virag), deceased: 3 typewritten letters, addressee, Henry Flower, c/o. P. O. Westland Row, addresser, Martha Clifford, c/o. P. O. Dolphin's Barn: the transliterated name and address of the addresser of the 3 letters in reversed alphabetic boustrophedonic punctated quadrilinear cryptogram (vowels suppressed) N. IGS./WI. UU. OX/W. OKS. MH/Y. IM: a press cutting from an English weekly periodical Modern Society , subject corporal chastisement in girls' schools: a pink ribbon which had festooned an Easter egg in the year 1899: two partly uncoiled rubber preservatives with reserve pockets, purchased by post from Box 32, P. O., Charing Cross, London, W. C.: 1 pack of 1 dozen creamlaid envelopes and feintruled notepaper, watermarked, now reduced by 3: some assorted Austrian-Hungarian coins: 2 coupons of the Royal and Privileged Hungarian Lottery: a lowpower magnifying glass: 2 erotic photocards showing a) buccal coition between nude senorita (rere presentation, superior position) and nude torero (fore presentation, inferior position) b) anal violation by male religious (fully clothed, eyes abject) of female religious (partly clothed, eyes direct), purchased by post from Box 32, P. O., Charing Cross, London, W. C.: a press cutting of recipe for renovation of old tan boots: a Id adhesive stamp, lavender, of the reign of Queen Victoria: a chart of the measurements of Leopold Bloom compiled before, during and after 2 months' consecutive use of Sandow-Whiteley's pulley exerciser (men's 15/-, athlete's 20/-) viz. chest 28 in and 29 1/2 in, biceps 9 in and 10 in, forearm 8 1/2 in and 9 in, thigh 10 in and 12 in, calf 11 in and 12 in: 1 prospectus of The Wonderworker, the world's greatest remedy for rectal complaints, direct from Wonderworker, Coventry House, South Place, London E C, addressed (erroneously) to Mrs L. Bloom with brief accompanying note commencing (erroneously): Dear Madam. Quote the textual terms in which the prospectus claimed advantages for this thaumaturgic remedy. It heals and soothes while you sleep, in case of trouble in breaking wind, assists nature in the most formidable way, insuring instant relief in discharge of gases, keeping parts clean and free natural action, an initial outlay of 7/6 making a new man of you and life worth living. Ladies find Wonderworker especially useful, a pleasant surprise when they note delightful result like a cool drink of fresh spring water on a sultry summer's day. Recommend it to your lady and gentlemen friends, lasts a lifetime. Insert long round end. Wonderworker. Were there testimonials? Numerous. From clergyman, British naval officer, wellknown author, city man, hospital nurse, lady, mother of five, absentminded beggar. How did absentminded beggar's concluding testimonial conclude? What a pity the government did not supply our men with wonderworkers during the South African campaign! What a relief it would have been! What object did Bloom add to this collection of objects? A 4th typewritten letter received by Henry Flower (let H. F. be L. B.) from Martha Clifford (find M. C.). What pleasant reflection accompanied this action? The reflection that, apart from the letter in question, his magnetic face, form and address had been favourably received during the course of the preceding day by a wife (Mrs Josephine Breen, born Josie Powell), a nurse, Miss Callan (Christian name unknown), a maid, Gertrude (Gerty, family name unknown). What possibility suggested itself? The possibility of exercising virile power of fascination in the not immediate future after an expensive repast in a private apartment in the company of an elegant courtesan, of corporal beauty, moderately mercenary, variously instructed, a lady by origin. What did the 2nd drawer contain? Documents: the birth certificate of Leopold Paula Bloom: an endowment assurance policy of 500 pounds in the Scottish Widows' Assurance Society, intestated Millicent (Milly) Bloom, coming into force at 25 years as with profit policy of 430 pounds, 462/10/0 and 500 pounds at 60 years or death, 65 years or death and death, respectively, or with profit policy (paidup) of 299/10/0 together with cash payment of 133/10/0, at option: a bank passbook issued by the Ulster Bank, College Green branch showing statement of a/c for halfyear ending 31 December 1903, balance in depositor's favour: 18/14/6 (eighteen pounds, fourteen shillings and sixpence, sterling), net personalty: certificate of possession of 900 pounds, Canadian 4 percent (inscribed) government stock (free of stamp duty): dockets of the Catholic Cemeteries' (Glasnevin) Committee, relative to a graveplot purchased: a local press cutting concerning change of name by deedpoll. Quote the textual terms of this notice. I, Rudolph Virag, now resident at no 52 Clanbrassil street, Dublin, formerly of Szombathely in the kingdom of Hungary, hereby give notice that I have assumed and intend henceforth upon all occasions and at all times to be known by the name of Rudolph Bloom. What other objects relative to Rudolph Bloom (born Virag) were in the 2nd drawer? An indistinct daguerreotype of Rudolf Virag and his father Leopold Virag executed in the year 1852 in the portrait atelier of their (respectively) 1st and 2nd cousin, Stefan Virag of Szesfehervar, Hungary. An ancient haggadah book in which a pair of hornrimmed convex spectacles inserted marked the passage of thanksgiving in the ritual prayers for Pessach (Passover): a photocard of the Queen's Hotel, Ennis, proprietor, Rudolph Bloom: an envelope addressed: To My Dear Son Leopold . What fractions of phrases did the lecture of those five whole words evoke? Tomorrow will be a week that I received... it is no use Leopold to be ... with your dear mother... that is not more to stand... to her... all for me is out... be kind to Athos, Leopold... my dear son... always... of me... das Herz... Gott... dein ... What reminiscences of a human subject suffering from progressive melancholia did these objects evoke in Bloom? An old man, widower, unkempt of hair, in bed, with head covered, sighing: an infirm dog, Athos: aconite, resorted to by increasing doses of grains and scruples as a palliative of recrudescent neuralgia: the face in death of a septuagenarian, suicide by poison. Why did Bloom experience a sentiment of remorse? Because in immature impatience he had treated with disrespect certain beliefs and practices. As? The prohibition of the use of fleshmeat and milk at one meal: the hebdomadary symposium of incoordinately abstract, perfervidly concrete mercantile coexreligionist excompatriots: the circumcision of male infants: the supernatural character of Judaic scripture: the ineffability of the tetragrammaton: the sanctity of the sabbath. How did these beliefs and practices now appear to him? Not more rational than they had then appeared, not less rational than other beliefs and practices now appeared. What first reminiscence had he of Rudolph Bloom (deceased)? Rudolph Bloom (deceased) narrated to his son Leopold Bloom (aged 6) a retrospective arrangement of migrations and settlements in and between Dublin, London, Florence, Milan, Vienna, Budapest, Szombathely with statements of satisfaction (his grandfather having seen Maria Theresia, empress of Austria, queen of Hungary), with commercial advice (having taken care of pence, the pounds having taken care of themselves). Leopold Bloom (aged 6) had accompanied these narrations by constant consultation of a geographical map of Europe (political) and by suggestions for the establishment of affiliated business premises in the various centres mentioned. Had time equally but differently obliterated the memory of these migrations in narrator and listener? In narrator by the access of years and in consequence of the use of narcotic toxin: in listener by the access of years and in consequence of the action of distraction upon vicarious experiences. What idiosyncracies of the narrator were concomitant products of amnesia? Occasionally he ate without having previously removed his hat. Occasionally he drank voraciously the juice of gooseberry fool from an inclined plate. Occasionally he removed from his lips the traces of food by means of a lacerated envelope or other accessible fragment of paper. What two phenomena of senescence were more frequent? The myopic digital calculation of coins, eructation consequent upon repletion. What object offered partial consolation for these reminiscences? The endowment policy, the bank passbook, the certificate of the possession of scrip. Reduce Bloom by cross multiplication of reverses of fortune, from which these supports protected him, and by elimination of all positive values to a negligible negative irrational unreal quantity. Successively, in descending helotic order: Poverty: that of the outdoor hawker of imitation jewellery, the dun for the recovery of bad and doubtful debts, the poor rate and deputy cess collector. Mendicancy: that of the fraudulent bankrupt with negligible assets paying 1s. 4d. in the pound, sandwichman, distributor of throwaways, nocturnal vagrant, insinuating sycophant, maimed sailor, blind stripling, superannuated bailiffs man, marfeast, lickplate, spoilsport, pickthank, eccentric public laughingstock seated on bench of public park under discarded perforated umbrella. Destitution: the inmate of Old Man's House (Royal Hospital) Kilmainham, the inmate of Simpson's Hospital for reduced but respectable men permanently disabled by gout or want of sight. Nadir of misery: the aged impotent disfranchised ratesupported moribund lunatic pauper. With which attendant indignities? The unsympathetic indifference of previously amiable females, the contempt of muscular males, the acceptance of fragments of bread, the simulated ignorance of casual acquaintances, the latration of illegitimate unlicensed vagabond dogs, the infantile discharge of decomposed vegetable missiles, worth little or nothing, nothing or less than nothing. By what could such a situation be precluded? By decease (change of state): by departure (change of place). Which preferably? The latter, by the line of least resistance. What considerations rendered departure not entirely undesirable? Constant cohabitation impeding mutual toleration of personal defects. The habit of independent purchase increasingly cultivated. The necessity to counteract by impermanent sojourn the permanence of arrest. What considerations rendered departure not irrational? The parties concerned, uniting, had increased and multiplied, which being done, offspring produced and educed to maturity, the parties, if not disunited were obliged to reunite for increase and multiplication, which was absurd, to form by reunion the original couple of uniting parties, which was impossible. What considerations rendered departure desirable? The attractive character of certain localities in Ireland and abroad, as represented in general geographical maps of polychrome design or in special ordnance survey charts by employment of scale numerals and hachures. In Ireland? The cliffs of Moher, the windy wilds of Connemara, lough Neagh with submerged petrified city, the Giant's Causeway, Fort Camden and Fort Carlisle, the Golden Vale of Tipperary, the islands of Aran, the pastures of royal Meath, Brigid's elm in Kildare, the Queen's Island shipyard in Belfast, the Salmon Leap, the lakes of Killarney. Abroad? Ceylon (with spicegardens supplying tea to Thomas Kernan, agent for Pulbrook, Robertson and Co, 2 Mincing Lane, London, E. C., 5 Dame street, Dublin), Jerusalem, the holy city (with mosque of Omar and gate of Damascus, goal of aspiration), the straits of Gibraltar (the unique birthplace of Marion Tweedy), the Parthenon (containing statues of nude Grecian divinities), the Wall street money market (which controlled international finance), the Plaza de Toros at La Linea, Spain (where O'Hara of the Camerons had slain the bull), Niagara (over which no human being had passed with impunity), the land of the Eskimos (eaters of soap), the forbidden country of Thibet (from which no traveller returns), the bay of Naples (to see which was to die), the Dead Sea. Under what guidance, following what signs? At sea, septentrional, by night the polestar, located at the point of intersection of the right line from beta to alpha in Ursa Maior produced and divided externally at omega and the hypotenuse of the rightangled triangle formed by the line alpha omega so produced and the line alpha delta of Ursa Maior. On land, meridional, a bispherical moon, revealed in imperfect varying phases of lunation through the posterior interstice of the imperfectly occluded skirt of a carnose negligent perambulating female, a pillar of the cloud by day. What public advertisement would divulge the occultation of the departed? 5 pounds reward, lost, stolen or strayed from his residence 7 Eccles street, missing gent about 40, answering to the name of Bloom, Leopold (Poldy), height 5 ft 9 1/2 inches, full build, olive complexion, may have since grown a beard, when last seen was wearing a black suit. Above sum will be paid for information leading to his discovery. What universal binomial denominations would be his as entity and nonentity? Assumed by any or known to none. Everyman or Noman. What tributes his? Honour and gifts of strangers, the friends of Everyman. A nymph immortal, beauty, the bride of Noman. Would the departed never nowhere nohow reappear? Ever he would wander, selfcompelled, to the extreme limit of his cometary orbit, beyond the fixed stars and variable suns and telescopic planets, astronomical waifs and strays, to the extreme boundary of space, passing from land to land, among peoples, amid events. Somewhere imperceptibly he would hear and somehow reluctantly, suncompelled, obey the summons of recall. Whence, disappearing from the constellation of the Northern Crown he would somehow reappear reborn above delta in the constellation of Cassiopeia and after incalculable eons of peregrination return an estranged avenger, a wreaker of justice on malefactors, a dark crusader, a sleeper awakened, with financial resources (by supposition) surpassing those of Rothschild or the silver king. What would render such return irrational? An unsatisfactory equation between an exodus and return in time through reversible space and an exodus and return in space through irreversible time. What play of forces, inducing inertia, rendered departure undesirable? The lateness of the hour, rendering procrastinatory: the obscurity of the night, rendering invisible: the uncertainty of thoroughfares, rendering perilous: the necessity for repose, obviating movement: the proximity of an occupied bed, obviating research: the anticipation of warmth (human) tempered with coolness (linen), obviating desire and rendering desirable: the statue of Narcissus, sound without echo, desired desire. What advantages were possessed by an occupied, as distinct from an unoccupied bed? The removal of nocturnal solitude, the superior quality of human (mature female) to inhuman (hotwaterjar) calefaction, the stimulation of matutinal contact, the economy of mangling done on the premises in the case of trousers accurately folded and placed lengthwise between the spring mattress (striped) and the woollen mattress (biscuit section). What past consecutive causes, before rising preapprehended, of accumulated fatigue did Bloom, before rising, silently recapitulate? The preparation of breakfast (burnt offering): intestinal congestion and premeditative defecation (holy of holies): the bath (rite of John): the funeral (rite of Samuel): the advertisement of Alexander Keyes (Urim and Thummim): the unsubstantial lunch (rite of Melchisedek): the visit to museum and national library (holy place): the bookhunt along Bedford row, Merchants' Arch, Wellington Quay (Simchath Torah): the music in the Ormond Hotel (Shira Shirim): the altercation with a truculent troglodyte in Bernard Kiernan's premises (holocaust): a blank period of time including a cardrive, a visit to a house of mourning, a leavetaking (wilderness): the eroticism produced by feminine exhibitionism (rite of Onan): the prolonged delivery of Mrs Mina Purefoy (heave offering): the visit to the disorderly house of Mrs Bella Cohen, 82 Tyrone street, lower and subsequent brawl and chance medley in Beaver street (Armageddon)—nocturnal perambulation to and from the cabman's shelter, Butt Bridge (atonement). What selfimposed enigma did Bloom about to rise in order to go so as to conclude lest he should not conclude involuntarily apprehend? The cause of a brief sharp unforeseen heard loud lone crack emitted by the insentient material of a strainveined timber table. What selfinvolved enigma did Bloom risen, going, gathering multicoloured multiform multitudinous garments, voluntarily apprehending, not comprehend? Who was M'Intosh? What selfevident enigma pondered with desultory constancy during 30 years did Bloom now, having effected natural obscurity by the extinction of artificial light, silently suddenly comprehend? Where was Moses when the candle went out? What imperfections in a perfect day did Bloom, walking, charged with collected articles of recently disvested male wearing apparel, silently, successively, enumerate? A provisional failure to obtain renewal of an advertisement: to obtain a certain quantity of tea from Thomas Kernan (agent for Pulbrook, Robertson and Co, 5 Dame Street, Dublin, and 2 Mincing Lane, London E. C.): to certify the presence or absence of posterior rectal orifice in the case of Hellenic female divinities: to obtain admission (gratuitous or paid) to the performance of Leah by Mrs Bandmann Palmer at the Gaiety Theatre, 46, 47, 48, 49 South King street. What impression of an absent face did Bloom, arrested, silently recall? The face of her father, the late Major Brian Cooper Tweedy, Royal Dublin Fusiliers, of Gibraltar and Rehoboth, Dolphin's Barn. What recurrent impressions of the same were possible by hypothesis? Retreating, at the terminus of the Great Northern Railway, Amiens street, with constant uniform acceleration, along parallel lines meeting at infinity, if produced: along parallel lines, reproduced from infinity, with constant uniform retardation, at the terminus of the Great Northern Railway, Amiens street, returning. What miscellaneous effects of female personal wearing apparel were perceived by him? A pair of new inodorous halfsilk black ladies' hose, a pair of new violet garters, a pair of outsize ladies' drawers of India mull, cut on generous lines, redolent of opoponax, jessamine and Muratti's Turkish cigarettes and containing a long bright steel safety pin, folded curvilinear, a camisole of batiste with thin lace border, an accordion underskirt of blue silk moirette, all these objects being disposed irregularly on the top of a rectangular trunk, quadruple battened, having capped corners, with multicoloured labels, initialled on its fore side in white lettering B. C. T. (Brian Cooper Tweedy). What impersonal objects were perceived? A commode, one leg fractured, totally covered by square cretonne cutting, apple design, on which rested a lady's black straw hat. Orangekeyed ware, bought of Henry Price, basket, fancy goods, chinaware and ironmongery manufacturer, 21, 22, 23 Moore street, disposed irregularly on the washstand and floor and consisting of basin, soapdish and brushtray (on the washstand, together), pitcher and night article (on the floor, separate). Bloom's acts? He deposited the articles of clothing on a chair, removed his remaining articles of clothing, took from beneath the bolster at the head of the bed a folded long white nightshirt, inserted his head and arms into the proper apertures of the nightshirt, removed a pillow from the head to the foot of the bed, prepared the bedlinen accordingly and entered the bed. How? With circumspection, as invariably when entering an abode (his own or not his own): with solicitude, the snakespiral springs of the mattress being old, the brass quoits and pendent viper radii loose and tremulous under stress and strain: prudently, as entering a lair or ambush of lust or adders: lightly, the less to disturb: reverently, the bed of conception and of birth, of consummation of marriage and of breach of marriage, of sleep and of death. What did his limbs, when gradually extended, encounter? New clean bedlinen, additional odours, the presence of a human form, female, hers, the imprint of a human form, male, not his, some crumbs, some flakes of potted meat, recooked, which he removed. If he had smiled why would he have smiled? To reflect that each one who enters imagines himself to be the first to enter whereas he is always the last term of a preceding series even if the first term of a succeeding one, each imagining himself to be first, last, only and alone whereas he is neither first nor last nor only nor alone in a series originating in and repeated to infinity. What preceding series? Assuming Mulvey to be the first term of his series, Penrose, Bartell d'Arcy, professor Goodwin, Julius Mastiansky, John Henry Menton, Father Bernard Corrigan, a farmer at the Royal Dublin Society's Horse Show, Maggot O'Reilly, Matthew Dillon, Valentine Blake Dillon (Lord Mayor of Dublin), Christopher Callinan, Lenehan, an Italian organgrinder, an unknown gentleman in the Gaiety Theatre, Benjamin Dollard, Simon Dedalus, Andrew (Pisser) Burke, Joseph Cuffe, Wisdom Hely, Alderman John Hooper, Dr Francis Brady, Father Sebastian of Mount Argus, a bootblack at the General Post Office, Hugh E. (Blazes) Boylan and so each and so on to no last term. What were his reflections concerning the last member of this series and late occupant of the bed? Reflections on his vigour (a bounder), corporal proportion (a billsticker), commercial ability (a bester), impressionability (a boaster). Why for the observer impressionability in addition to vigour, corporal proportion and commercial ability? Because he had observed with augmenting frequency in the preceding members of the same series the same concupiscence, inflammably transmitted, first with alarm, then with understanding, then with desire, finally with fatigue, with alternating symptoms of epicene comprehension and apprehension. With what antagonistic sentiments were his subsequent reflections affected? Envy, jealousy, abnegation, equanimity. Envy? Of a bodily and mental male organism specially adapted for the superincumbent posture of energetic human copulation and energetic piston and cylinder movement necessary for the complete satisfaction of a constant but not acute concupiscence resident in a bodily and mental female organism, passive but not obtuse. Jealousy? Because a nature full and volatile in its free state, was alternately the agent and reagent of attraction. Because attraction between agent(s) and reagent(s) at all instants varied, with inverse proportion of increase and decrease, with incessant circular extension and radial reentrance. Because the controlled contemplation of the fluctuation of attraction produced, if desired, a fluctuation of pleasure. Abnegation? In virtue of a) acquaintance initiated in September 1903 in the establishment of George Mesias, merchant tailor and outfitter, 5 Eden Quay, b) hospitality extended and received in kind, reciprocated and reappropriated in person, c) comparative youth subject to impulses of ambition and magnanimity, colleagual altruism and amorous egoism, d) extraracial attraction, intraracial inhibition, supraracial prerogative, e) an imminent provincial musical tour, common current expenses, net proceeds divided. Equanimity? As as natural as any and every natural act of a nature expressed or understood executed in natured nature by natural creatures in accordance with his, her and their natured natures, of dissimilar similarity. As not so calamitous as a cataclysmic annihilation of the planet in consequence of a collision with a dark sun. As less reprehensible than theft, highway robbery, cruelty to children and animals, obtaining money under false pretences, forgery, embezzlement, misappropriation of public money, betrayal of public trust, malingering, mayhem, corruption of minors, criminal libel, blackmail, contempt of court, arson, treason, felony, mutiny on the high seas, trespass, burglary, jailbreaking, practice of unnatural vice, desertion from armed forces in the field, perjury, poaching, usury, intelligence with the king's enemies, impersonation, criminal assault, manslaughter, wilful and premeditated murder. As not more abnormal than all other parallel processes of adaptation to altered conditions of existence, resulting in a reciprocal equilibrium between the bodily organism and its attendant circumstances, foods, beverages, acquired habits, indulged inclinations, significant disease. As more than inevitable, irreparable. Why more abnegation than jealousy, less envy than equanimity? From outrage (matrimony) to outrage (adultery) there arose nought but outrage (copulation) yet the matrimonial violator of the matrimonially violated had not been outraged by the adulterous violator of the adulterously violated. What retribution, if any? Assassination, never, as two wrongs did not make one right. Duel by combat, no. Divorce, not now. Exposure by mechanical artifice (automatic bed) or individual testimony (concealed ocular witnesses), not yet. Suit for damages by legal influence or simulation of assault with evidence of injuries sustained (selfinflicted), not impossibly. Hushmoney by moral influence possibly. If any, positively, connivance, introduction of emulation (material, a prosperous rival agency of publicity: moral, a successful rival agent of intimacy), depreciation, alienation, humiliation, separation protecting the one separated from the other, protecting the separator from both. By what reflections did he, a conscious reactor against the void of incertitude, justify to himself his sentiments? The preordained frangibility of the hymen: the presupposed intangibility of the thing in itself: the incongruity and disproportion between the selfprolonging tension of the thing proposed to be done and the selfabbreviating relaxation of the thing done; the fallaciously inferred debility of the female: the muscularity of the male: the variations of ethical codes: the natural grammatical transition by inversion involving no alteration of sense of an aorist preterite proposition (parsed as masculine subject, monosyllabic onomatopoeic transitive verb with direct feminine object) from the active voice into its correlative aorist preterite proposition (parsed as feminine subject, auxiliary verb and quasimonosyllabic onomatopoeic past participle with complementary masculine agent) in the passive voice: the continued product of seminators by generation: the continual production of semen by distillation: the futility of triumph or protest or vindication: the inanity of extolled virtue: the lethargy of nescient matter: the apathy of the stars. In what final satisfaction did these antagonistic sentiments and reflections, reduced to their simplest forms, converge? Satisfaction at the ubiquity in eastern and western terrestrial hemispheres, in all habitable lands and islands explored or unexplored (the land of the midnight sun, the islands of the blessed, the isles of Greece, the land of promise), of adipose anterior and posterior female hemispheres, redolent of milk and honey and of excretory sanguine and seminal warmth, reminiscent of secular families of curves of amplitude, insusceptible of moods of impression or of contrarieties of expression, expressive of mute immutable mature animality. The visible signs of antesatisfaction? An approximate erection: a solicitous adversion: a gradual elevation: a tentative revelation: a silent contemplation. Then? He kissed the plump mellow yellow smellow melons of her rump, on each plump melonous hemisphere, in their mellow yellow furrow, with obscure prolonged provocative melonsmellonous osculation. The visible signs of postsatisfaction? A silent contemplation: a tentative velation: a gradual abasement: a solicitous aversion: a proximate erection. What followed this silent action? Somnolent invocation, less somnolent recognition, incipient excitation, catechetical interrogation. With what modifications did the narrator reply to this interrogation? Negative: he omitted to mention the clandestine correspondence between Martha Clifford and Henry Flower, the public altercation at, in and in the vicinity of the licensed premises of Bernard Kiernan and Co, Limited, 8, 9 and 10 Little Britain street, the erotic provocation and response thereto caused by the exhibitionism of Gertrude (Gerty), surname unknown. Positive: he included mention of a performance by Mrs Bandmann Palmer of LEAH at the Gaiety Theatre, 46, 47, 48, 49 South King street, an invitation to supper at Wynn's (Murphy's) Hotel, 35, 36 and 37 Lower Abbey street, a volume of peccaminous pornographical tendency entituled SWEETS OF SIN, anonymous author a gentleman of fashion, a temporary concussion caused by a falsely calculated movement in the course of a postcenal gymnastic display, the victim (since completely recovered) being Stephen Dedalus, professor and author, eldest surviving son of Simon Dedalus, of no fixed occupation, an aeronautical feat executed by him (narrator) in the presence of a witness, the professor and author aforesaid, with promptitude of decision and gymnastic flexibility. Was the narration otherwise unaltered by modifications? Absolutely. Which event or person emerged as the salient point of his narration? Stephen Dedalus, professor and author. What limitations of activity and inhibitions of conjugal rights were perceived by listener and narrator concerning themselves during the course of this intermittent and increasingly more laconic narration? By the listener a limitation of fertility inasmuch as marriage had been celebrated 1 calendar month after the 18th anniversary of her birth (8 September 1870), viz. 8 October, and consummated on the same date with female issue born 15 June 1889, having been anticipatorily consummated on the lo September of the same year and complete carnal intercourse, with ejaculation of semen within the natural female organ, having last taken place 5 weeks previous, viz. 27 November 1893, to the birth on 29 December 1893 of second (and only male) issue, deceased 9 January 1894, aged 11 days, there remained a period of 10 years, 5 months and 18 days during which carnal intercourse had been incomplete, without ejaculation of semen within the natural female organ. By the narrator a limitation of activity, mental and corporal, inasmuch as complete mental intercourse between himself and the listener had not taken place since the consummation of puberty, indicated by catamenic hemorrhage, of the female issue of narrator and listener, 15 September 1903, there remained a period of 9 months and 1 day during which, in consequence of a preestablished natural comprehension in incomprehension between the consummated females (listener and issue), complete corporal liberty of action had been circumscribed. How? By various reiterated feminine interrogation concerning the masculine destination whither, the place where, the time at which, the duration for which, the object with which in the case of temporary absences, projected or effected. What moved visibly above the listener's and the narrator's invisible thoughts? The upcast reflection of a lamp and shade, an inconstant series of concentric circles of varying gradations of light and shadow. In what directions did listener and narrator lie? Listener, S. E. by E.: Narrator, N. W. by W.: on the 53rd parallel of latitude, N., and 6th meridian of longitude, W.: at an angle of 45 degrees to the terrestrial equator. In what state of rest or motion? At rest relatively to themselves and to each other. In motion being each and both carried westward, forward and rereward respectively, by the proper perpetual motion of the earth through everchanging tracks of neverchanging space. In what posture? Listener: reclined semilaterally, left, left hand under head, right leg extended in a straight line and resting on left leg, flexed, in the attitude of Gea-Tellus, fulfilled, recumbent, big with seed. Narrator: reclined laterally, left, with right and left legs flexed, the index finger and thumb of the right hand resting on the bridge of the nose, in the attitude depicted in a snapshot photograph made by Percy Apjohn, the childman weary, the manchild in the womb. Womb? Weary? He rests. He has travelled. With? Sinbad the Sailor and Tinbad the Tailor and Jinbad the Jailer and Whinbad the Whaler and Ninbad the Nailer and Finbad the Failer and Binbad the Bailer and Pinbad the Pailer and Minbad the Mailer and Hinbad the Hailer and Rinbad the Railer and Dinbad the Kailer and Vinbad the Quailer and Linbad the Yailer and Xinbad the Phthailer. When? Going to dark bed there was a square round Sinbad the Sailor roc's auk's egg in the night of the bed of all the auks of the rocs of Darkinbad the Brightdayler. Where? Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his highness to make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he thought he had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing all for masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she had too much old chat in her about politics and earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help the world if all the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course nobody wanted her to wear them I suppose she was pious because no man would look at her twice I hope Ill never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our faces but she was a welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats especially then still I like that in him polite to old women like that and waiters and beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he got anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them to go into a hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it into him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun maybe like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes because theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a woman to get well if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off the south circular when he sprained his foot at the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at the bottom of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her old maids voice trying to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see thy face again though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed father was the same besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it was a thing I was sick then wed see what attention only of course the woman hides it not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere Im sure by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either it was one of those night women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did I meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he not long married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when he slinked out looking quite conscious what harm but he had the impudence to make up to me one time well done to him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever met and thats called a solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that its some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the sly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before yesterday he was scribbling something a letter when I came into the front room to show him Dignams death in the paper as if something told me and he covered it up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very probably that was it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his age especially getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws now who he does it with or knew before that way though Id like to find out so long as I dont have the two of them under my nose all the time like that slut that Mary we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell of those painted women off him once or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found the long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen pretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it was all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my house stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had something on with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out to be alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a little bit too much her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave her her weeks notice I saw to that better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even touch him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that one denying it up to my face and singing about the place in the W C too because she knew she was too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to squeeze back singing the young May moon shes beaming love because he has an idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any case God knows hes a change in a way not to be always and ever wearing the same old hat unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do it myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let him see my garters the new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour question and answer would you do this that and the other with the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean or bishop was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I was knitting that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of who is it tell me his name who tell me who the german Emperor is it yes imagine Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what he never will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till he comes and then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all with all the talk of the world about it people make its only the first time after that its just the ordinary do it and think no more about it why cant you kiss a man without going and marrying him first you sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish some man or other would take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in his arms theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and have done with it what has that got to do with it and did you whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real father what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never turn or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost for a woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone them Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like the pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H H the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of paste they stick their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that American that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took the port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I blessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar as if the world was coming to an end and then they come and tell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushing about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only grey matter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I lit the lamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I took off all my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen he was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone had one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the middle of us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats all they want out of you with that determined vicious look in his eye I had to halfshut my eyes still he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk in him when I made him pull out and do it on me considering how big it is so much the better in case any of it wasnt washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me nice invention they made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch of it themselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody would believe cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year as regular as the clock always with a smell of children off her the one they called budgers or something like a nigger with a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a black the last time I was there a squad of them falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your ears supposed to be healthy not satisfied till they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont know what supposing I risked having another not off him though still if he was married Im sure hed have a fine strong child but I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully jolly I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about me and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatll do him any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on account of not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made me cry of course a woman is so sensitive about everything I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I knew he was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he annoyed me so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot of mixedup things especially about the body and the inside I often wanted to study up that myself what we have inside us in that family physician I could always hear his voice talking when the room was crowded and watch him after that I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him because he used to be a bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are you going to and I said over to Floey and he made me the present of Byron's poems and the three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily get him to make it up any time I know how Id even supposing he got in with her again and was going out to see her somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck down the collar of my blouse or touch him with my veil and gloves on going out I kiss then would send them all spinning however alright well see then let him go to her she of course would only be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love with him that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her and ask her do you love him and look her square in the eyes she couldnt fool me but he might imagine he was and make a declaration to her with his plabbery kind of a manner like he did to me though I had the devils own job to get it out of him though I liked him for that it showed he could hold in and wasnt to be got for the asking he was on the pop of asking me too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the potato cake theres something I want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I was in a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I let out too much the night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let him know more than was good for him she used to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was there meaning him of course glauming me over and when I said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me and did you wash possible the women are always egging on to that putting it on thick when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a bit putting on the indifferent when they come out with something the kind he is what spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very handsome at that time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked though he was too beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engaged afterwards though she didnt like it so much the day I was in fits of laughing with the giggles I couldnt stop about all my hairpins falling out one after another with the mass of hair I had youre always in great humour she said yes because it grigged her because she knew what it meant because I used to tell her a good bit of what went on between us not all but just enough to make her mouth water but that wasnt my fault she didnt darken the door much after we were married I wonder what shes got like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had her face beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw her she must have been just after a row with him because I saw on the moment she was edging to draw down a conversation about husbands and talk about him to run him down what was it she told me O yes that sometimes he used to go to bed with his muddy boots on when the maggot takes him just imagine having to get into bed with a thing like that that might murder you any moment what a man well its not the one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyhow whatever he does always wipes his feet on the mat when he comes in wet or shine and always blacks his own boots too and he always takes off his hat when he comes up in the street like then and now hes going about in his slippers to look for 10000 pounds for a postcard U p up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff to extinction actually too stupid even to take his boots off now what could you make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over than marry another of their sex of course hed never find another woman like me to put up with him the way I do know me come sleep with me yes and he knows that too at the bottom of his heart take that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband for what I wonder in love with some other man yes it was found out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and do a thing like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad and always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to marry them for if were so bad as all that comes to yes because they cant get on without us white Arsenic she put in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I wonder why they call it that if I asked him hed say its from the Greek leave us as wise as we were before she must have been madly in love with the other fellow to run the chance of being hanged O she didnt care if that was her nature what could she do besides theyre not brutes enough to go and hang a woman surely are they theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he noticed at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking with his two old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it was what do I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed breeches he made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting all myself always with some brandnew fad every other week such a long one I did I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got after some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish times lost in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I saw his eyes on my feet going out through the turning door he was looking when I looked back and I went there for tea 2 days after in the hope but he wasnt now how did that excite him because I was crossing them when we were in the other room first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like that if I only had a ring with the stone for my month a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much still I made him spend once with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the fire wasnt black out when he asked to take off my stockings lying on the hearthrug in Lombard street west and another time it was my muddy boots hed like me to walk in all the horses dung I could find but of course hes not natural like the rest of the world that I what did he say I could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what does that mean I asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress edition just passed and the man with the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats so polite I think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed him when I was tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he used to make fun of when he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me straight on the brow and part which is my brown part he was pretty hot for all his tinny voice too my low notes he was always raving about if you can believe him I liked the way he used his mouth singing then he said wasnt it terrible to do that there in a place like that I dont see anything so terrible about it Ill tell him about that some day not now and surprise him ay and Ill take him there and show him the very place too we did it so now there you are like it or lump it he thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my mother till we were engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he did he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off my drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me questions is it permitted to enquire the shape of my bedroom so I let him keep it as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket of course hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain to be seen always skeezing at those brazenfaced things on the bicycles with their skirts blowing up to their navels even when Milly and I were out with him at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing right against the sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw me from behind following in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of the Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the muffler in the Zingari colours to show off his complexion and the brown hat looking slyboots as usual what was he doing there where hed no business they can go and get whatever they like from anything at all with a skirt on it and were not to ask any questions but they want to know where were you where are you going I could feel him coming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he had been keeping away from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so I halfturned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off my glove slowly watching him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain anything for an excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole blessed time till I promised to give him the pair off my doll to carry about in his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did look a big fool dreeping in the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat I had on with the sunray pleats that there was nobody he said hed kneel down in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and ruin his new raincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre so savage for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touched his trousers outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand to keep him from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to find out was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they want to do everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father waiting all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the butchers and had to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me that letter with all those words in it how could he have the face to any woman after his company manners making it so awkward after when we met asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw I wasnt he had a few brains not like that other fool Henny Doyle he was always breaking or tearing something in the charades I hate an unlucky man and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for form sake dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of course it used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall in Gibraltar with that word I couldnt find anywhere only for children seeing it too young then writing every morning a letter sometimes twice a day I liked the way he made love then he knew the way to take a woman when he sent me the 8 big poppies because mine was the 8th then I wrote the night he kissed my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt describe it simply it makes you feel like nothing on earth but he never knew how to embrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on Monday as he said at the same time four I hate people who come at all hours answer the door you think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all undressed or the door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old frostyface Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just after dinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at me professor I had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in his way it was impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out you have to peep out through the blind like the messengerboy today I thought it was a putoff first him sending the port and the peaches first and I was just beginning to yawn with nerves thinking he was trying to make a fool of me when I knew his tattarrattat at the door he must have been a bit late because it was l/4 after 3 when I saw the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never know the time even that watch he gave me never seems to go properly Id want to get it looked after when I threw the penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty when I was whistling there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt even put on my clean shift or powdered myself or a thing then this day week were to go to Belfast just as well he has to go to Ennis his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he did suppose our rooms at the hotel were beside each other and any fooling went on in the new bed I couldnt tell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next room or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the wall then hed never believe the next day we didnt do something its all very well a husband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we never did anything of course he didnt believe me no its better hes going where he is besides something always happens with him the time going to the Mallow concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of us then the bell rang out he walks down the platform with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it hadnt he the nerve and the waiter after him making a holy show of us screeching and confusion for the engine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the two gentlemen in the 3rd class carriage said he was quite right so he was too hes so pigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a good job he was able to open the carriage door with his knife or theyd have taken us on to Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him O I love jaunting in a train or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder will he take a 1st class for me he might want to do it in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose therell be the usual idiots of men gaping at us with their eyes as stupid as ever they can possibly be that was an exceptional man that common workman that left us alone in the carriage that day going to Howth Id like to find out something about him l or 2 tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicer then coming back suppose I never came back what would they say eloped with him that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at where its over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St little chits of missies they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of father being in the army and my singing the absentminded beggar and wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts when I had the map of it all and Poldy not Irish enough was it him managed it this time I wouldnt put it past him like he got me on to sing in the Stabat Mater by going around saying he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put him up to that till the jesuits found out he was a freemason thumping the piano lead Thou me on copied from some old opera yes and he was going about with some of them Sinner Fein lately or whatever they call themselves talking his usual trash and nonsense he says that little man he showed me without the neck is very intelligent the coming man Griffiths is he well he doesnt look it thats all I can say still it must have been him he knew there was a boycott I hate the mention of their politics after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was a lovely fellow in khaki and just the right height over me Im sure he was brave too he said I was lovely the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal lock my Irish beauty he was pale with excitement about going away or wed be seen from the road he couldnt stand properly and I so hot as I never felt they could have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul and the rest of the other old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead of dragging on for years killing any finelooking men there were with their fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have been so bad I love to see a regiment pass in review the first time I saw the Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking across the bay from Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those sham battles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with their kilts in time at the march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own or the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his father made his money over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me a nice present up in Belfast after what I gave him theyve lovely linen up there or one of those nice kimono things I must buy a mothball like I had before to keep in the drawer with them it would be exciting going round with him shopping buying those things in a new city better leave this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over the knuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers or tell the police on me but theyd think were married O let them all go and smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has plenty of money and hes not a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I could find out whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I looked close in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides scrooching down on me like that all the time with his big hipbones hes heavy too with his hairy chest for this heat always having to lie down for them better for him put it into me from behind the way Mrs Mastiansky told me her husband made her like the dogs do it and stick out her tongue as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mild with his tingating cither can you ever be up to men the way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish tie and socks with the skyblue silk things on them hes certainly well off I know by the cut his clothes have and his heavy watch but he was like a perfect devil for a few minutes after he came back with the stoppress tearing up the tickets and swearing blazes because he lost 20 quid he said he lost over that outsider that won and half he put on for me on account of Lenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he was making free with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult over the featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor looking at me with his dirty eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first noticed him at dessert when I was cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I could have picked every morsel of that chicken out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned and as tender as anything only for I didnt want to eat everything on my plate those forks and fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could easily have slipped a couple into my muff when I was playing with them then always hanging out of them for money in a restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we have to be thankful for our mangy cup of tea itself as a great compliment to be noticed the way the world is divided in any case if its going to go on I want at least two other good chemises for one thing and but I dont know what kind of drawers he likes none at all I think didnt he say yes and half the girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them that Andalusian singing her Manola she didnt make much secret of what she hadnt yes and the second pair of silkette stockings is laddered after one days wear I could have brought them back to Lewers this morning and kicked up a row and made that one change them only not to upset myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the whole thing and one of those kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I have but thats no good what did they say they give a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the lower back to reduce flesh my belly is a bit too big Ill have to knock off the stout at dinner or am I getting too fond of it the last they sent from ORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his money easy Larry they call him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and a bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed die of the drouth or I must do a few breathing exercises I wonder is that antifat any good might overdo it the thin ones are not so much the fashion now garters that much I have the violet pair I wore today thats all he bought me out of the cheque he got on the first O no there was the face lotion I finished the last of yesterday that made my skin like new I told him over and over again get that made up in the same place and dont forget it God only knows whether he did after all I said to him 111 know by the bottle anyway if not I suppose 111 only have to wash in my piss like beeftea or chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thought it was beginning to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is much finer where it peeled off there on my finger after the burn its a pity it isnt all like that and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in all sure you cant get on in this world without style all going in food and rent when I get it Ill lash it around I tell you in fine style I always want to throw a handful of tea into the pot measuring and mincing if I buy a pair of old brogues itself do you like those new shoes yes how much were they Ive no clothes at all the brown costume and the skirt and jacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cutting up this old hat and patching up the other the men wont look at you and women try to walk on you because they know youve no man then with all the things getting dearer every day for the 4 years more I have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all 111 be 33 in September will I what O well look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I saw her when I was out last week her beautys on the wane she was a lovely woman magnificent head of hair on her down to her waist tossing it back like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing I did every morning to look across see her combing it as if she loved it and was full of it pity I only got to know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes like the first man going the roads only for the name of a king theyre all made the one way only a black mans Id like to try a beauty up to what was she 45 there was some funny story about the jealous old husband what was it at all and an oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing round her and the prince of Wales yes he had the oyster knife cant be true a thing like that like some of those books he brings me the works of Master Francois Somebody supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her ear because her bumgut fell out a nice word for any priest to write and her a—e as if any fool wouldnt know what that meant I hate that pretending of all things with that old blackguards face on him anybody can see its not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that twice I remember when I came to page 5 o the part about where she hangs him up out of a hook with a cord flagellate sure theres nothing for a woman in that all invention made up about he drinking the champagne out of her slipper after the ball was over like the infant Jesus in the crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no woman could have a child that big taken out of her and I thought first it came out of her side because how could she go to the chamber when she wanted to and she a rich lady of course she felt honoured H R H he was in Gibraltar the year I was born I bet he found lilies there too where he planted the tree he planted more than that in his time he might have planted me too if hed come a bit sooner then I wouldnt be here as I am he ought to chuck that Freeman with the paltry few shillings he knocks out of it and go into an office or something where hed get regular pay or a bank where they could put him up on a throne to count the money all the day of course he prefers plottering about the house so you cant stir with him any side whats your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe like father to get the smell of a man or pretending to be mooching about for advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still only for what he did then sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him promoted there to be the manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice first he was as stiff as the mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but theyre coming into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it was no good by the finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Bums as I said and not Lees it was just like the shop itself rummage sale a lot of trash I hate those rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills me altogether only he thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress and cooking mathering everything he can scour off the shelves into it if I went by his advices every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes take that thats alright the one like a weddingcake standing up miles off my head he said suited me or the dishcover one coming down on my backside on pins and needles about the shopgirl in that place in Grafton street I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as insolent as ever she could be with her smirk saying Im afraid were giving you too much trouble what shes there for but I stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder but he changed the second time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the soup but I could see him looking very hard at my chest when he stood up to open the door for me it was nice of him to show me out in any case Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too marked the first time after him being insulted and me being supposed to be his wife I just half smiled I know my chest was out that way at the door when he said Im extremely sorry and Im sure you were yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he made me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow stiff the nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for him what are all those veins and things curious the way its made 2 the same in case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up there like those statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide it with her hand are they so beautiful of course compared with what a man looks like with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down out of him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it with a cabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat market or that other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the statue of the fish used to be when I was passing pretending he was pissing standing out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one side the Queens own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved them theyre always trying to show it to you every time nearly I passed outside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just to try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was I of the 7 wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the night coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade to make you feel nice and watery I went into r of them it was so biting cold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to see me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of it before I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not afraid going about of getting a kick or a bang of something there the woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I could pose for a picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the job in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee palace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes only shes younger or Im a little like that dirty bitch in that Spanish photo he has nymphs used they go about like that I asked him about her and that word met something with hoses in it and he came out with some jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing simply the way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom out of the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres the mark of his teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream out arent they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with Milly enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got a pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate looking student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly caught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel to my face that was his studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till he got doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get him to suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker than cows then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond everything I declare somebody ought to put him in the budget if I only could remember the I half of the things and write a book out of it the works of Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an hour he was at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at me they want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those men get out of a woman I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he was here or somebody to let myself go with and come again like that I feel all fire inside me or if I could dream it when he made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind with his finger I was coming for about 5 minutes with my legs round him I had to hug him after O Lord I wanted to shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit or anything at all only not to look ugly or those lines from the strain who knows the way hed take it you want to feel your way with a man theyre not all like him thank God some of them want you to be so nice about it I noticed the contrast he does it and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit loose from the tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him the savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till Monday frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and out of them all sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that have to be out all the night from their wives and families in those roasting engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half of those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying about hes getting very careless and threw the rest of them up in the W C 111 get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having them there for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the hall making the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and refreshing just after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter came on black as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big giant compared with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with the red sentries here and there the poplars and they all whitehot and the smell of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the time weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent me from the B Marche paris what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote on it she was very nice whats this her other name was just a p c to tell you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to be back in Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid Concone is the name of those exercises he bought me one of those new some word I couldnt make out shawls amusing things but tear for the least thing still there lovely I think dont you will always think of the lovely teas we had together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest Doggerina be sure and write soon kind she left out regards to your father also captain Grove with love yrs affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a bit married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was awfully fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to step over at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to walk up Killiney hill then for example at that picnic all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why I was afraid when that other ferocious old Bull began to charge the banderilleros with the sashes and the 2 things in their hats and the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were as bad in their nice white mantillas ripping all the whole insides out of those poor horses I never heard of such a thing in all my life yes he used to break his heart at me taking off the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and it sick what became of them ever I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2 of them its like all through a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones of course I had everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair mine was thicker than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when I put it up and whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one hand we were like cousins what age was I then the night of the storm I slept in her bed she had her arms round me then we were fighting in the morning with the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father and captain Grove I looked up at the church first and then at the windows then down and our eyes met I felt something go through me like all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I looked at myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was attractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas in the shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and the excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of it O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and his fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chair when I stood up they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the sofa cushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs tons of them at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago it seems centuries of course they never came back and she didnt put her address right on it either she may have noticed her wogger people were always going away and we never I remember that day with the waves and the boats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those Officers uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything he was very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near it my lips were taittering when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap of some special kind of blue colour on her for the voyage made very peculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it got as dull as the devil after they went I was almost planning to run away mad out of it somewhere were never easy where we are father or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing everything down in all directions if you didnt open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or did supposed to be some great fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was there from before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the son then the same old bugles for reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the place more than the old longbearded jews in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines and the warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes and only captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them everytime they went out drunken old devil with his grog on the windowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his nose trying to think of some other dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgot himself when I was there sending me out of the room on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course but hed do the same to the next woman that came along I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a letter from a living soul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them so bored sometimes I could fight with my nails listening to that old Arab with the one eye and his heass of an instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my compriments on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now with the hands hanging off me looking out of the window if there was a nice fellow even in the opposite house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after when I put on my gloves and hat at the window to show I was going out not a notion what I meant arent they thick never understand what you say even youd want to print it up on a big poster for them not even if you shake hands twice with the left he didnt recognise me either when I half frowned at him outside Westland row chapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to know grey matter they have it all in their tail if you ask me those country gougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a damn sight less than the bulls and cows they were selling the meat and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of his hat what a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a poor man today and no visitors or post ever except his cheques or some advertisement like that wonderworker they sent him addressed dear Madam only his letter and the card from Milly this morning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what possessed her to write from Canada after so many years to know the recipe I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say she was married to a very rich architect if Im to believe all I hear with a villa and eight rooms her father was an awfully nice man he was near seventy always goodhumoured well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was a solid silver coffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away I hate people that have always their poor story to tell everybody has their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute neumonia well I didnt know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend more than mine poor Nancy its a bother having to answer he always tells me the wrong things and no stops to say like making a speech your sad bereavement symphathy I always make that mistake and newphew with 2 double yous in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if its a thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebody to give me what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me youve no chances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody would write me a loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is sighing I am dying still if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth in it true or no it fills up your whole day and life always something to think about every moment and see it all round you like a new world I could write the answer in bed to let him imagine me short just a few words not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used to write to the fellow that was something in the four courts that jilted her after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to say a few simple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipat precip itancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all very fine for them but as for being a woman as soon as youre old they might as well throw you out in the bottom of the ashpit. Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio brought it in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her to hand me and I pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin to open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and it staring her in the face with her switch of false hair on her and vain about her appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a loo her face a mass of wrinkles with all her religion domineering because she never could get over the Atlantic fleet coming in half the ships of the world and the Union Jack flying with all her carabineros because 4 drunken English sailors took all the rock from them and because I didnt run into mass often enough in Santa Maria to please her with her shawl up on her except when there was a marriage on with all her miracles of the saints and her black blessed virgin with the silver dress and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when the priest was going by with the bell bringing the vatican to the dying blessing herself for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick him up when I saw him following me along the Calle Real in the shop window then he tipped me just in passing but I never thought hed write making an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it up in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill instructing to find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps singing I remember shall I wear a white rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid clock to near the time he was the first man kissed me under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head what kissing meant till he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I put my knee up to him a few times to learn the way what did I tell him I was engaged for for fun to the son of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he believed me that I was to be married to him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is a flower that bloometh a few things I told him true about myself just for him to be imagining the Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got him excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldnt count the pesetas and the perragordas till I taught him Cappoquin he came from he said on the black water but it was too short then the day before he left May yes it was May when the infant king of Spain was born Im always like that in the spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the tiptop under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told him it was struck by lightning and all about the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over the show on each others back Mrs Rubio said she was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you went anear he was looking at me I had that white blouse on open in the front to encourage him as much as I could without too openly they were just beginning to be plump I said I was tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place I suppose it must be the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those frightful rocks and Saint Michaels cave with the icicles or whatever they call them hanging down and ladders all the mud plotching my boots Im sure thats the way down the monkeys go under the sea to Africa when they die the ships out far like chips that was the Malta boat passing yes the sea and the sky you could do what you liked lie there for ever he caressed them outside they love doing that its the roundness there I was leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat to take the newness out of it the left side of my face the best my blouse open for his last day transparent kind of shirt he had I could see his chest pink he wanted to touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldnt lee him he was awfully put out first for fear you never know consumption or leave me with a child embarazada that old servant Ines told me that one drop even if it got into you at all after I tried with the Banana but I was afraid it might break and get lost up in me somewhere because they once took something down out of a woman that was up there for years covered with limesalts theyre all mad to get in there where they come out of youd think they could never go far enough up and then theyre done with you in a way till the next time yes because theres a wonderful feeling there so tender all the time how did we finish it off yes O yes I pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be excited but I opened my legs I wouldnt let him touch me inside my petticoat because I had a skirt opening up the side I tormented the life out of him first tickling him I loved rousing that dog in the hotel rrrsssstt awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was shy all the same I liked him like that moaning I made him blush a little when I got over him that way when I unbuttoned him and took his out and drew back the skin it had a kind of eye in it theyre all Buttons men down the middle on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called me what was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he was rather fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went round to the whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said hed come back Lord its just like yesterday to me and if I was married hed do it to me and I promised him yes faithfully Id let him block me now flying perhaps hes dead or killed or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I said firtree cove he would if he came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes to guess who I might recognise him hes young still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl on the black water and is quite changed they all do they havent half the character a woman has she little knows what I did with her beloved husband before he ever dreamt of her in broad daylight too in the sight of the whole world you might say they could have put an article about it in the Chronicle I was a bit wild after when I blew out the old bag the biscuits were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a bang all the woodcocks and pigeons screaming coming back the same way that we went over middle hill round by the old guardhouse and the jews burialplace pretending to read out the Hebrew on them I wanted to fire his pistol he said he hadnt one he didnt know what to make of me with his peak cap on that he always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my hat that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his long preach about womans higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps and the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me more money I suppose theyre called after him I never thought that would be my name Bloom when I used to write it in print to see how it looked on a visiting card or practising for the butcher and oblige M Bloom youre looking blooming Josie used to say after I married him well its better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful names with bottom in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother whoever she was might have given me a nicer name the Lord knows after the lovely one she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had running along Williss road to Europa point twisting in and out all round the other side of Jersey they were shaking and dancing about in my blouse like Millys little ones now when she runs up the stairs I loved looking down at them I was jumping up at the pepper trees and the white poplars pulling the leaves off and throwing them at him he went to India he was to write the voyages those men have to make to the ends of the world and back its the least they might get a squeeze or two at a woman while they can going out to be drowned or blown up somewhere I went up Windmill hill to the flats that Sunday morning with captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the sentry had he said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock from the B Marche paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco almost the bay of Tangier white and the Atlas mountain with snow on it and the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly darling I was thinking of him on the sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down at the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar only that cheap peau dEspagne that faded and left a stink on you more than anything else I wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to south Africa where those Boers killed him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the same as if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl still it must have been pure 18 carrot gold because it was very heavy but what could you get in a place like that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship that came up to the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadnt a moustache that was Gardner yes I can see his face cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out full when I get in front of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about politics they know as much about as my backside anything in the world to make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay and whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they got a chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help their poor head I knew more about men and life when I was I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song like that Gardner said no man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that and not think of it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of those cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get a husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others arms or the voice either I could have been a prima donna only I married him comes looooves old deep down chin back not too much make it double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore about the moated grange at twilight and vaunted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change that lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get that big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is itching me always when I think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake him have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly and sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give us room even to let a fart God or do the least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee theres that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more song that was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was quite good with the heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up to see why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was only about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used to be there the whole time watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping around I used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it came to the chamber performance I put out the light too so then there were 2 of us goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to get in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber about all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like the king of the country pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down in his egg wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then play with the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has she fleas shes as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate their claws I wonder do they see anything that we cant staring like that when she sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I wait always what a robber too that lovely fresh place I bought I think Ill get a bit of fish tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels cod yes Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for 3 forgetting anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let him pay it and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drove out to the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses toenails first like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the banks there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says not a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better the seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after him at Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say yes then it came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight all down my side telling me pull the right reins now pull the left and the tide all swamping in floods in through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the stirrup its a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of course me no theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers Id like to have tattered them down off him before all the people and give him what that one calls flagellate till he was black and blue do him all the good in the world only for that longnosed chap I dont know who he is with that other beauty Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on the slip always where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on youd vomit a better face there was no love lost between us thats 1 consolation I wonder what kind is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going about with his tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new white shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that feather all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the smell of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan bay round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermens baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came from Genoa and the tall old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to climb up to to get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago besides I dont like being alone in this big barracks of a place at night I suppose Ill have to put up with it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved in the confusion musical academy he was going to make on the first floor drawingroom with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and ruin himself altogether the way his father did down in Ennis like all the things he told father he was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was going to do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry my can he ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he invents then leaving us here all day youd never know what old beggar at the door for a crust with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders an old woman for her money imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face youd run miles away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows to make sure but its worse again being locked up like in a prison or a madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed Id cut them off him so I would not that hed be much use still better than nothing the night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker as if he was looking for a mouse as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits making as much noise as he possibly could for the burglars benefit there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the feeling especially now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl down there to learn to take photographs on account of his grandfather instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where shed have to learn not like me getting all IS at school only hed do a thing like that all the same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im certain the way he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round with her in the place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just as I was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack statue with her roughness and carelessness before she left that I got that little Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking to her lately at the table explaining things in the paper and she pretending to understand sly of course that comes from his side of the house he cant say I pretend things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact and helping her into her coat but if there was anything wrong with her its me shed tell not him I suppose he thinks Im finished out and laid on the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it well see well see now shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly come out please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he sent her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to go on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I sewed on to the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell you only I oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what they say her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your blouse is open too low she says to me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and I had to tell her not to cock her legs up like that on show on the windowsill before all the people passing they all look at her like me when I was her age of course any old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too in her own way at the Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate people touching me afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of that touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark theyre always trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be squashed like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me there and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I recognised him on the moment the face and everything but he didnt remember me yes and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did when she was down with the mumps and her glands swollen wheres this and wheres that of course she cant feel anything deep yet I never came properly till I was what 22 or so it went into the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense and giggling that Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he looked so handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that way for nothing I suppose there are a few men like that left its hard to believe in it though unless it really happened to me the majority of them with not a particle of love in their natures to find two people like that nowadays full up of each other that would feel the same way as you do theyre usually a bit foolish in the head his father must have been a bit queer to go and poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose he felt lost shes always making love to my things too the few old rags I have wanting to put her hair up at I S my powder too only ruin her skin on her shes time enough for that all her life after of course shes restless knowing shes pretty with her lips so red a pity they wont stay that way I was too but theres no use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of potatoes the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she pretended not to see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that now for answering me like that and that for your impudence she had me that exasperated of course contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it there was a weed in the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was it and I told her over and over again not to leave knives crossed like that because she has nobody to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt correct her faith I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was just like that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see him coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance that old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course shes old she cant help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got lost behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened the area window to let out the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like the night he walked home with a dog if you please that might have been mad especially Simon Dedalus son his father such a criticiser with his glasses up with his tall hat on him at the cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing at the other and his son that got all those prizes for whatever he won them in the intermediate imagine climbing over the railings if anybody saw him that knew us I wonder he didnt tear a big hole in his grand funeral trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for anybody hawking him down into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his head I ask pity it wasnt washing day my old pair of drawers might have been hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed ever care with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go under an operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to hunt around again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing on sweet God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I suppose 111 have some peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that thing has come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course all the poking and rooting and ploughing he had up in me now what am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul out of a body unless he likes it some men do God knows theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply sickening that night it came on me like that the one and only time we were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaiety something he did about insurance for him in Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt give in with that gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his glasses and him the other side of me talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I suppose millions of years ago I smiled the best I could all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was interested having to sit it out then to the last tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose he went and had a woman in the next lane running round all the back ways after to make up for it I wish he had what I had then hed boo I bet the cat itself is better off than us have we too much blood up in us or what O patience above its pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didnt make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin the clean sheets I just put on I suppose the clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they always want to see a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats troubling them theyre such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for women what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the other side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the pillow under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I think Ill cut all this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a young girl wouldnt he get the great suckin the next time he turned up my clothes on me Id give anything to see his face wheres the chamber gone easy Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me after that old commode I wonder was I too heavy sitting on his knee I made him sit on the easychair purposely when I took off only my blouse and skirt first in the other room he was so busy where he oughtnt to be he never felt me I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I remember one time I could scout it out straight whistling like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money from some fellow 111 have to perfume it in the morning dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs than that look how white they are the smoothest place is right there between this bit here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and get up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like the jersey lily easy easy O how the waters come down at Lahore who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I something growing in me getting that thing like that every week when was it last I Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor only it would be like before I married him when I had that white thing coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I suppose thats how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich ones off Stephens green running up to him for every little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of course so theyre all right I wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in the world besides theres something queer about their children always smelling around those filthy bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour what did he want me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it all over his wrinkly old face for him with all my compriments I suppose hed know then and could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking about the rock of Gibraltar the way he put it thats a very nice invention too by the way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys when she was a child whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I frequent omissions where do those old fellows get all the words they have omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt trust him too far to give me chloroform or God knows what else still I liked him when he sat down to write the thing out frowning so severe his nose intelligent like that you be damned you lying strap O anything no matter who except an idiot he was clever enough to spot that of course that was all thinking of him and his mad crazy letters my Precious one everything connected with your glorious Body everything underlined that comes from it is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some nonsensical book that he had me always at myself 4 and 5 times a day sometimes and I said I hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut him up I knew what was coming next only natural weakness it was he excited me I dont know how the first night ever we met when I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for about lo minutes as if we met somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess looking after my mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather about home rule and the land league sending me that long strool of a song out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la Touraine that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about religion and persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a great favour the very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square running into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to wash it off with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine still round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day I better not make an alnight sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size so that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose there isnt in all creation another man with the habits he has look at the way hes sleeping at the foot of the bed how can he without a hard bolster its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out all my teeth breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took me to show one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on his side on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said was a bigger religion than the jews and Our Lords both put together all over Asia imitating him as hes always imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep at the foot of the bed too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth damn this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I hope the old press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good time somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money of course he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope theyll have something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up God help us thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough and he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I was a little girl because I told him easy piano O I like my bed God here we are as bad as ever after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond terrace and Ontario terrace and Lombard street and Holles street and he goes about whistling every time were on the run again his huguenots or the frogs march pretending to help the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their stinks after them always know who was in there last every time were just getting on right something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run into prison over his old lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he goes and gives impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the freemasons then well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by himself round by Coadys lane will give him much consolation that he says is so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour l wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night for him to be coming home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill knock him off that little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill see if he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their lies then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with those rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the kind of villainy theyre always dreaming about with not another thing in their empty heads they ought to get slow poison the half of them then tea and toast for him buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose Im nothing any more when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one night man man tyrant as ever for the one thing he slept on the floor half the night naked the way the jews used when somebody dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I stood out enough for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only of his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I dont know what he forgets that wethen I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind himself and lock him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it her Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed never have the courage with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan though as for her Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you couldnt call him a husband yes its some little bitch hes got in with even when I was with him with Milly at the College races that Hornblower with the childs bonnet on the top of his nob let us into by the back way he was throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried to wink at him first no use of course and thats the way his money goes this is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse walking behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some place or other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing my songs shed want to be born all over again and her old green dress with the lowneck as she cant attract them any other way like dabbling on a rainy day I see it all now plainly and they call that friendship killing and then burying one another and they all with their wives and families at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife is always sick or going to be sick or just getting better of it and hes a goodlooking man still though hes getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all of them well theyre not going to get my husband again into their clutches if I can help it making fun of him then behind his back I know well when he goes on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his wife and family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same Im sorry in a way for him what are his wife and 5 children going to do unless he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some pub corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he was at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and grinning all over his big Dolly face like a wellwhipped childs botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the preserved seats for that to see him trotting off in his trowlers and Simon Dedalus too he was always turning up half screwed singing the second verse first the old love is the new was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweet heart sweetheart he always sang it not like Bartell Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course he had the gift of the voice so there was no art in it all over you like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though it was a bit too high for my register even transposed and he was married at the time to May Goulding but then hed say or do something to knock the good out of it hes a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says hes an author and going to be a university professor of Italian and Im to take lessons what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not good of me I ought to have got it taken in drapery that never looks out of fashion still I look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it altogether and me too after all why not I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge station with his father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago now yes hed be 11 though what was the good in going into mourning for what was neither one thing nor the other the first cry was enough for me I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the wall of course he insisted hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man now by this time he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his lord Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a prince on the stage when I saw him at Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember they all do wait by God yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this morning when I laid out the deck union with a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I thought it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either besides my face was turned the other way what was the 7th card after that the 10 of spades for a journey by land then there was a letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a rise in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that and didnt I dream something too yes there was something about poetry in it I hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or standing up like a red Indian what do they go about like that for only getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked poetry when I was a girl first I thought he was a poet like lord Byron and not an ounce of it in his composition I thought he was quite different I wonder is he too young hes about wait 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not that stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down in the old kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of course he pretended to understand it all probably he told him he was out of Trinity college hes very young to be a professor I hope hes not a professor like Goodwin was he was a potent professor of John Jameson they all write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he wont find many like me where softly sighs of love the light guitar where poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so beautifully coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will I ever go back there again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for him theyre my eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves young star itll be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to talk to about yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad then if anything goes wrong in their business we have to suffer Im sure hes very distinguished Id like to meet a man like that God not those other ruck besides hes young those fine young men I could see down in Margate strand bathingplace from the side of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a God or something and then plunging into the sea with them why arent all men like that thered be some consolation for a woman like that lovely little statue he bought I could look at him all day long curly head and his shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for you I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was looking as if it was asking you to suck it so clean and white he looks with his boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if some of it went down what its only like gruel or the dew theres no danger besides hed be so clean compared with those pigs of men I suppose never dream of washing it from I years end to the other the most of them only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I can only get in with a handsome young poet at my age Ill throw them the 1st thing in the morning till I see if the wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see if he comes out Ill read and study all I can find or learn a bit off by heart if I knew who he likes so he wont think me stupid if he thinks all women are the same and I can teach him the other part Ill make him feel all over him till he half faints under me then hell write about me lover and mistress publicly too with our 2 photographs in all the papers when he becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him though no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so plump and tempting in my short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try with that thing they have swelling up on you so hard and at the same time so soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those cornerboys saying passing the comer of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different tastes like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn fear once I start I tell you for their stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it out what they did together well naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does and then he going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we given all those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young still can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my hat at him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent I atom of any kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only do it off up in a gate somewhere or one of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they could I only sent mine there a few times for the name model laundry sending me back over and over some old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and ride me up against the wall without a word or a murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and the walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see there was a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew how he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around down in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show them attention and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says itd be much better for the world to be governed by the women in it you wouldnt see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they wouldnt be in the world at all only for us they dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I never had thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from his books and studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowy house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in her behind in the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as I was but give it to some poor child but I knew well Id never have another our 1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im not going to think myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to love coming home after dances the air of the night they have friends they can talk to weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the other room I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria that gave me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had a name like her O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame to me if I am a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it all I thought I had only for the grammar a noun is the name of any person place or thing pity I never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by Valera with the questions in it all upside down the two ways I always knew wed go away in the end I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im not so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead tired and wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in bed with a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife for bad luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the watercress and something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the kitchen he might like I never could bear the look of them in Abrines I could do the criada the room looks all right since I changed it the other way you see something was telling me all the time Id have to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room he could do his writing and studies at the table in there for all the scribbling he does at it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes making the breakfast for I he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to take in lodgers off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house like this Id love to have a long talk with an intelligent welleducated person Id have to get a nice pair of red slippers like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent morning gown that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just give him one more chance Ill get up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens old bed in any case I might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre out looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt in your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill throw him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do Ill go about rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa pieta Masetto then Ill start dressing myself to go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on my best shift and drawers let him have a good eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him Ill let him know if thats what he wanted that his wife is I s l o fucked yes and damn well fucked too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even iron it out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly unless I made him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell him every scrap and make him do it out in front of me serve him right its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the gallery said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldnt have made us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes there my brown part then Ill tell him I want LI or perhaps 30/- Ill tell him I want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him like other women do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and write his name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it up besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on me behind provided he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be helped Ill do the indifferent l or 2 questions Ill know by the answers when hes like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to wear the old things so much the better itll be more pointed hell never know whether he did it or not there thats good enough for you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me just like a business his omission then Ill go out Ill have him eying up at the ceiling where is she gone now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what an unearthly hour I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out their pigtails for the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office or the alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself let me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those they invented like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave me was like that something only I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and try again so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7 1/2d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar I Id a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no God I wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why dont they go and create something I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on the pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the morning the Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market all clucking outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes and those handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night and the castanets and the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and the pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914-1921 Publication Date: February 18th 2017 https://www.bookrix.com/-albiorix

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Ja&#39;Quele Agurs Is He The One? Or Not. I would like to dedicate this book to my friends that inspired me to make this book: Adriana Simmons, Patricia Thomas, Elacia Northern, Kayla Shoemaker, Keaira Shoemaker, Markia and Markala Hudson. And many male friends. Chapter 1: Where It All Begins Sitting in the bedroom staring at the closet full of brand new out wear clothes. “Jackie are you ready to go?” my best friend Dria yelled from the bathroom. “No. I really don’t want to go to this damn party.” I said putting my hands over my face in frustration. Dria walked out the bathroom in her 5 foot 5 inch frame, wearing an all black dress that stops at the middle of her thighs, trimmed in all gold, wearing matching 5 inch heels. Dria is no slim frame chick, she is pure thick all over. Dria is my friend of many years, I met her back in middle school actually in detention. I know weird way to meet a friend right? Trust I know my family was all down my throat about “watch out for her, she is no good” but came to realize the ones they thought were my good friends turned their back on me when I was announced prom queen in eighth grade. That was one of the best moments in my life and it was also horrible because the ones I thought would support me and actually happy for me turned their backs on me instantly. But not Dria, that girl cheered me on the whole night and we had a private sleep over at her house with just me and her and her sisters. That showed me the unexpected friends can turn out being the ones that sticks around in the end. She is also the type of person who makes straight A’s and B’s in her classes. The one that is honest and couldn’t lie through her teeth if she had them glued together. The person you can go to and ask for help or lend a hand. Was always quiet and to herself, never followed the crowd. You may be asking yourself: Why was she in detention? To answer your question, she was bullied in class and decided to do her work in detention. I know I know, she doesn’t seem like the type to be bullied. But honey boo child, this girl had it bad until she met Derrik. Now that’s a whole entire different chapter. “Listen, you cannot leave me hanging Jackie, plus you are going for me not anyone else,” walking towards the closet “look at all these damn clothes in here. You are like my personal fashionista I know you know how to put together an outfit in 1 minute. So come on and get it together.” Deciding whether to stick to my gut or not, I got up and picked out some random pumps and matching tights with a top. “The only reason I am going is so you can shut up and get out my ear.” I joked. Dria walked into the bathroom and finished curling her hair. Since I had a bob (a certain hairstyle where it is short in the back and long on the sides) only thing I need to do is straighten my sides and curl my hair under. “I’m ready now so lets go.” We walked out the door and drove in my 2013 Dodge Charger to the party that was happening on 123rd st and 14 ave. By looking outside you can see that it was packed in the club, good thing I know people cause unlike the people outside waiting to get in the club we can just walk right in through VIP lounge. Chapter 2: Life Of The Party Walking in Club Nude, it is crowded and in action right now. It can be about atleast a thousand people in the building not even talking about the long line outside the door. Dria is all hyped up and swirling her arm in the air doing the Fist Pump and singing along to Let Me Love You by NeYo. “Hey D whats up with you girl I haven’t seen you in forever shawty.” Derrik yelling over the music and pulling Dria closer to him. Derrik is the kind of guy that can be down to earth, play around, and who is straight up with you but also a jerk. Derrik is Dria ex boyfriend, they have been dating since freshmen year in high school. On and off for our four years in high school. The reason is because Derrik was popular because he was the quarterback of our football team and he was a phenomenal player on and off the field. You can call him a Ladies Man, but I clearly call him a unfaithful bastard. Why? He had a great girlfriend, Dria was a virgin, a church girl who sung in the choir every Sunday, made straight A’s and B’s, had a nice dresscode in school, was honest and outgoing and lets not mention being head cheerleader. One year she made team captain in the first two weeks! But he dumped her for the Ho of our high school and left her in a depressed stage, I mean she turned her life around a little now she drinks, smokes and club more than ever! But she never changed educationally. “Hi Derrik. What you doing here?” she responded back. “Oh I got an invitation from the fraternities of your College.” Derrik smiled. Dria face dropped to the floor. I was about to go catch it so she wont look surprised but oh well too late. “Wait what? You-“ she was interrupted by a fine ass 6’2 caramel skin, low hair cut, cutie with tattoos. “Um sorry ma’am but can I borrow your friend that’s standing alone?” he nodded in my direction. Just to make sure he wasn’t talking to me, I turned around and tapped the young lady that was dancing behind me. “Uh, this guy want to talk to you.” I pointed at the strange cute guy. But for some reason he held his head down laughing. Why would he be laughing? The cute guy waved his hand as if it was a misunderstanding. Then I felt a hand on my hand. I looked up so quick cause who can be touching me? I don’t know anyone in here. Then there it was, the person I dreamed to never see again; my ex boyfriend: P-Nut. I moved my hand so quick because I was in shocked to see him. Especially with another chick on his arms. “Uh Hi P-Nut didn’t think I would catch you here.” I rubbed my arm in awkwardness. “Yeah me neither especially since you not the club scene type.” He smiled. “But since you are here can I dance with you? I deserve it, you been ducking and dodging me lately.” He pulled me close. “Listen, you know exactly why I don’t want to see you.” I said looking at the chick he cheated on me with. “Tonight doesn’t change how I feel. You not getting a dance from me, so why don’t you go with your ho and move on.” I waved them off. Turning back around to see Dria and Derrik gone. Surprisingly, cute guy is still here. Three feet away from me. Smiling. Looking straight at me in my face just smiling. But why? “Are you looking at me?” I asked confused. “Yes.” He replied. “But why?” I asked. Then he took my hand and led me to the center of the dance floor. Wrapping my arms around his neck, he wrapped his arms around my lower back. We danced for a few minutes to They Don’t Know by Jon B and talked a little about each other. Something in the mist of our moments, felt good but I was not about to let my mind lead my way again. It messed me up with the last guy. After we exchanged numbers and laughed and got to know each other, it was about two in the morning and I was ready to go home. That’s exactly what Dria and I did, went home and fell asleep. Chapter 3: Reflection Woke up with a big headache and my feet were aching from the night before. My legs are weak, I really don’t feel like getting up out of bed to do anything today. Thank God its Saturday, I don’t have no classes or nothing to do. Looking over at my clock to check the time its eleven thirty-eight in the morning, as I lay my head back down I get a knock at the front door. Noticing that Dria didn’t answer the door like usually I decided to go answer the door. Walking down stairs in pain the knocking gets even louder. I have a headache and they knocking on the damn door like the police. Angrily as I flung open the door, I see P-Nut on the other side of the door. Exhausted and not really trying to put up with his bullshit this time of morning, I close the door in his face. I wasn’t quick enough and he placed his foot in the door so it won’t close. Making his way in my house I turned around walking into the livingroom and sat on the couch to listen to what he has to say. “Damn so you was about to close the door in my face!” he raised his voice. Holding my face in my hands I nodded. Getting louder in my ear he said “you act like I did you wrong or something.” Did he just say that? Did this nigga just say what I think I heard him say? I think he did. I couldn’t hold in my anger anymore I just let him have it all and the dessert. “Listen here, I don’t want you here and I damn sure don’t want to see you. Why do you constantly show your face around me if you know you got a girlfriend. As far as your black ass doing something wrong, baby boy you did plenty of wrong. Don’t get me wrong I do love you still but I hate you to the maximum. No getting around that just handle the damn truth. You cheated and left me looking stupid in front of everyone at prom. Do you know how that made me feel? How that made me look? I guess not since you think everything is cool like ice cream and its not. I’m tired of your bullshit and I am not putting up with you anymore. And who in the hell are you to come up in my house and raise your voice like you pay bills in the motherfuker? Better check yourself and your tone cause you really pushed it this time.” Standing there in shock looking back at me like I was crazy is self explanatory, because he never heard me curse. All I ever did was do everything he told me and if he got mad I would cry. Not this time, I was a brand new person and a strong person to be exact. I am done being the nice and prissy type female, you got to be special enough to get that treatment from me from now on. I thought that would make him leave my house quick as lightening. The only thing he tried to do was kiss me. Child boo no, only a dumbass girl would let him kiss her, me on the other hand I politely escorted him to my front door, waved goodbye and successfully closed the door. Right then and there made me realize why he is a reflection of who not to let back in my life again. Chapter 4: Strikes Again Enough of P-Nut and his problems, I decided to take a long hot bubble bath and start my day off in pampering myself. After leaving the nail salon, I went into the Adults Only store on 95th st to check out some new things. Since I never had sex or anything, I wanted to get some ideas so when my first time comes I know exactly what I’m doing. Walking through the store I went into different isles and let me tell you, the different things they have in sex toys and DVDs I was surprised. I didn’t know things like this was kind of heaven like. So as I’m reading a sex magazine that caught my eye and walking through the store, someone bumps into me and knocked the magazine out of my damn hand. As I’m ready to fuss this person out for interrupting me while I was reading, I picked up my book and as I am about to say how I feel, a familiar face is right in front of me. I didn’t know whether I should drop the magazine and run out the store or should I just stand there and face my embarrassment. Since my legs wouldn’t move with my mind, I was glued to the spot. But as my face melted to the floor, the other person face just held a smile. All I could think was Jackie Run! Why are you still here? He is going to think you are a ho. Go Jackie just go and never look back. Instead, he asked for a hug and took me to a near by coffee shop. Who was the guy? His name is Kajuan Robinson, and he is the guy I met last night at Club Nude. Kajuan is in the fraternity at my school, he loves to party and very smooth looking guy. He is from Georgia and has a twin brother who decided to go to a university in his home state. Also enjoys football and playing games, just a typical young guy. He is definitely the type of person I can hang with. “So what were you doing in the store?” I asked him as I sipped on my ice coffee. “Oh my homeboy is getting married and never had sex before, so I decided to stop by and get him some materials to help loosing him up.” I nodded to show I understand. Watching him eating his pizza and nodding to show how good it is, I bit into my pizza. Off guard by his asking the same question to me, I nearly choked on my pizza. “Are you okay?” he stood up about to tap on my back to help me cough, I held my hand up to let him know I was fine. Kajuan sat down looking nervous. After I swallowed my pizza and smiled to show him I am fine, he leaned back and exhaled. “I am sorry Kajuan, I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that question.” I said honestly drinking my coffee. Kajuan smiled. “Well I am curious, why would you be in a sex store?” Speechless, not knowing what to say I guess I was quiet too long, because it looked like he was about to get up and leave me sitting there by myself. “Oh I was in there just looking around getting some ideas.” I admitted. Like always he smiles. “Why are you always smiling? I don’t get it. Is there a camera here?” I was just being upfront. I thought he had gotten offended because his face expression changed quickly. “Maybe because I am happy to be sitting across the table from a beautiful woman. Is that any harm?” holding my head down so he cannot see the stupid expression I have on my face, I told him no. Putting his finger under my chin to lift my face up, BOOM! It happened, Kajuan Robinson kissed me after calling me beautiful. What could I do? Nothing besides melt in my tracks. First he danced with me and now he kisses me, he strikes again. Text: Copyright holder: All rights reserved. The reproduction, transmission or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical ot other means, now knownor hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without written permission. For permission please contact Ja'Quele Agurs Editioral Office, 6423 Seminole Circle, Lantana, Fl. 33462 Images: Parent discussion is advised Editing: Proofreader: Shuronda Cunningham Translation: Translator: Cori Hendix All rights reserved. Publication Date: February 15th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-jaqueleagurs

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-ashon-thadon-boss-mama/

Ashon Thadon Boss Mama Meet the true Ride of Die B**ch cover page What you do for friends       “I need a gangster bitch! Gangster Bitch! I need to gangster boogie with my gangster bitch! I need a…” The ringtone and the cell phone buzzing on her night stand woke up Chardae Willows, alias Boss Mama, out of her slumber. She loved that ringtone because it described her to the fullest but at three o’ clock in the morning when she had a massive headache; it was like a church bell banging against her head. “Whoever calling me this late must be dead already and waiting for me to bury them,” Chardae answered the phone. “Boss, I’m sorry to be calling you but I…I…” Chardae knew who the person that was on the other end was and now she really mad she answered in the first place. “What the fuck, Janice,” Chardae expressed her frustration. “Does your hoe ass know what time it is?” “I...I…know but…but…”Janice was stammering over her words and it sounded like she was whispering. “Look, hoe, I don’t have time for this especially since you calling me like it’s a booty call, talking all low and shit,” Chardae was fed up. She was missing precious beauty rest time. “It’s To…Tony… he came home mad again,” Janice sounded like she was on the verge of crying as she tried to speak. “It…it was bad this time. He…” “I don’t want to hear this shit again,” Chardae stated. “Unless you’re telling me you want Beyoncé to pay him a visit?” Chardae smiled at the mention of her 9 millimeter chrome black Glock 17 she named Beyoncé because as Chardae once told someone “anytime it sings, people are going to listen and respect it.” Her moniker was embedded on the handle with the words BM. Chardae loved Beyoncé and anytime she went out, Beyoncé stayed right in her back waistline ready to start singing. “I just need to get away,” Janice said and now Chardae knew Janice was crying. “Listen, bitch, if I come over, it won’t be pretty,” Chardae warned. “Beyoncé will get on stage if that nigga still there and he acting crazy.” “Just come get me before…”Janice was in the middle of the sentence when Chardae heard another voice in the background and what sounded like a door being banged on. “Who the fuck you on the phone with?” Chardae heard the other voice say and more banging. “I know you ain’t calling another nigga while I’m up in this bitch. Open this damn door before I break it in and your face as well!” Chardae knew automatically who the other voice was and her disgust immediately showed on her pretty face. The threatened voice belonged to Janice’s poor excuse for a baby father and a lover, Tyrel. “I’m not talking to anyone,” Janice was now moving her voice away from the phone and talking to Tyrel who must have been on the other side of the door. “I’m just using the bathroom!” “Who the fuck you thinking you yelling at?” Tyrel seemed more agitated. “You done lost your mind, bitch!” Chardae could hear static like Janice was putting the phone down somewhere to address her irate boyfriend. “I’m not….ahhhhh!” Chardae was already up and getting dressed when she heard what sounded like a door being tore off its’ hinges and Janice screaming as scuffling can be heard in the background. Chardae was already out of bed. Chardae quickly put on some clothes and grabbed Beyoncé off the dresser as well. She checked to make sure Beyoncé was locked and loaded then grabbed her phone and car keys. Chardae got into her car, a Toyota Roadrunner with the initials BM in purple lettering on the front hood and a graphic image of her face placed underneath it. She put her cell phone on the dashboard and started the ignition. She could still hear Janice yelling and screaming like someone was dragging her wherever she was from and beating on her. The more Chardae heard her friend cry out and get brutalize for it, the angrier she got. Chardae made a vow that night. The dude was not going to leave that apartment tonight unless accompanied by the paramedics and a gurney or the coroner and a body bag. They will be no other options tonight. Chardae could hear Tyrel cursing and calling Janice all type of the word bitches and hard fists hitting something. Chardae couldn’t get to Janice’s house fast enough. She was already breathing real hard from all the adrenaline going through her body. She could picture the bullets going through Tyrel’s body. She would have to deal with the consequences later. The song ‘Love is blind’ by rapper Eve suddenly came on the radio and Chardae almost laughed at the irony. God must have known what was in her heart. Chardae was out of her jeep and banging on Janice’s front door at record speed. She didn’t even know how fast she was driving until she saw that she got there in less than ten minutes for an almost thirty minute road. Chardae was hammering her fist on the front door of Janice’s apartment complex. Noisy neighbors were peeking their heads out or looking out the peephole but no one was calling the police or intervening and Janice’s screams can be heard throughout the whole building. Chardae hated people like that. They’re the first to observe an accident but will do nothing to help. “Open the fuck up, you bitch!” Chardae shouted as she continued to pound on the front door. The screaming stopped inside the apartment and she heard footsteps walking towards the front door. “What the fuck you want?” Chardae heard the peephole open and a voice speak from behind the door. “Open up Tyrel or you going to be explaining to housing why they had replace a door full of bullets,” Chardae replied back. Chardae heard locks being taken off the door and Tyrel opened the door in nothing but sweatpants and slippers. She saw a little bit of blood on his knuckles. “What you doing here, bi…” Tyrel never got to finish that sentence because Chardae hit him in the bridge of his nose of the gun she pulled out from her waist causing him to fall back. Chardae rushed in and saw her best friend laid out on the floor with a busty lip and two swollen eyes. Her clothes were covered with bloods and it looked like she was missing teeth. “Why the fuck you hit me, bitch?” Tyrel said holding his nose and getting up off the floor. Chardae looked at her friend laying there unconscious on the floor and then at Tyrel. Chardae knew she had to keep good on her promise. “You hear me talking to you, bitch?” Tyrel asked coming towards her. Chardae pointed Beyoncé right at him. “What you going to do with that?” Tyrel inquired with a smirk on his face. “You really think you a boss bitch. You’re just riding of your brother’s name and fame. You think you the shit, huh? Now put the gun down and maybe I'll let you suck my dick. And tell that lazy hoe to get up and stop getting blood on my floor.” Chardae took the gun off safety and Tyrel heard the click. “You ain’t going to do shit but put that gun down and say sorry for interrupting me handling my woman,” Tyrel said squeezing his nose and sneezing blood from his nostril. “You lucky I like your pretty ass or you would get the same thing she just got for pulling that little stunt of yours. “ “Lucky me,” Chardae remarked then pulled the trigger. When the police finally arrived, Chardae was on the floor kneeling over Janice rocking Janice’s body back and forth. Tyrel was found dead with two bullets in the head. Chardae had her gun placed beside her. “Freeze!” the officers said as they entered the apartment with guns drawn. “Put your hands up!” Chardae ignored the officers and just stayed focused on her friend. Chardae wiped the hair strands out of Janice’s bruised face. “I love you, girl,” Chardae whispered to her friend and kissed Janice on the forehead. ‘I got that nigga. Boss Mama got him.” Chardae heard one of the officers kick Beyoncé from beside her and repeat his original order. “Late busters,” Chardae spoke softly to her friend whose eyes were both closed shut. “Don’t worry. Boss Mama took care of it. Boss Mama will always take care of it.”           Boss Background Chapter 2     Chardae was a person of her word. She believed your word was everything. Your word is what made your character. Without it, you was nothing, at least nothing important. If people couldn’t take you at your word then why did they even need to fuck with you in the first place? Beside just your word being ideal, Chardae respected someone that ‘keep it real’ . Not just spoke the words but did the actions. She met a lot of people, men and women, who claimed they were quote on quote real and was softer than dog shit in the rain. Over the years, he learned to distinguish the two very fast and very easily. One simple way was real people don’t have to talk much about what they going to do, they just do it. Anybody can talk your ear off about what they going to do to you but a real personis not wasting that many syllables, they already making moves while you busy still talking. Chardae learned that definitely on her own block where the so called thugs hung out thinking they were so tough. She never believed in any of them and she made it clear she didn’t. They were false gangster and Chardae didn’t believe in anything artificial. Everything about her and on her was real and came from something authentic from her clothes, to her jewelry, to her footwear. She was light skin, slim waist, with long luscious legs to match. She had long natural blonde hair along with her arched eyebrows and small smile made her look a mixed Caucasian lady but she was in fact half Puerto Rican, Columbian and black. Her features alone made her a model type and every dude wanted her on his arm and in his bad but then they never got that chance because in her eyes, they weren’t real enough for her.  Chardae would stay around long enough to hear those lame dudes’ weak lines so she can remember them later so she can laugh with her friends. That was another thing about Chardae, she only had a small circle of friends. She was never the type of girl to have a whole bunch of fake people around her. So if she considered you a friend, you better cherish it. Her older brother of two years, Charles Willow, street alias Bad Luck Chuck, or Luck for short, was one of the reasons she learned so much about people and how to deal with him. Charles got his name because whenever he showed up, it was bad luck for someone that day. He was a notorious player in the drug game and had connection for weaponry of all types since one of his best friend was in the Navy and stayed hooking Charles up with items. Their father, Charleston Willow, was a great dice player and poker hustler. He met their beautifully mother, Alexandria Martinez, exactly on the arms of another man, a big Spanish drug lord that run half of Spanish Harlem all the way to Washington Heights named El Jefe Loco (The Crazy Boss). El Jefe Loco got that name simply he would react to the simplest matter to the ultimate extreme even bring harm to his own workers. Charleston, who street alias was Crooked, wasn’t afraid of El Jefe Loco, not in the least bit and he proved when the Dominican crime boss came to a card game with Alexandria that Charleston was helping sponsor. Charleston waited until they were only two players left at the table on a particular hand and that’s when Charleston pulled out all the stops. He put all his chips on the table, his gold Rolex watch, and the actually custom made shirt of his back and stated that if Loco won that hand, he could have it all. But if Loco lost, Alexandria had to give Charleston a kiss on the lips. Loco was outraged and was about to pull out his trusty Smith & Wesson Glock pistol and put two in Charleston’s chest but Charleston called his bluff. ‘You scared you going to lose,’ Charleston said. ‘All you lose a kiss, I’m the only betting everything on the line.’ Loco looked at the cards in his hands and then his woman. Loco figured he had nothing to lose. Besides if he really lose the hand, he would still shoot Charleston before Charleston even got a chance to kiss Alexandria. However, the joke was on Loco because a hit was already put on his head by a higher player in the game and the card game was just a lure to get him in one place. Loco put his cards on the table and smiled. Charleston smiled too and put down his cards. ‘I guess I win’ was all Charleston said. Loco lifted up the table in a rage and before he pull out his weapon of choice, Charleston calmly pulled out his weapon, a Heckler and Koch Glock, from the side holster he keep concealed in his suit jacket. He shot Loco three times in the head as Alexandria screamed and everybody else started running. Charleston quickly grabbed Alexandria and embraced her. ‘Now to collect my prize’ was the last words Charleston said before they began their new life together. Chardae remembered her father from her earlier childhood. Charleston was still heavy in the streets but after their mother gave birth to his two children, Charles and Chardae, he slowed down his hustle and killing game. Charleston didn’t know much about genetic pools and how people’s genetic makeup works but he had the hardest fathoming how Charles was dark as midnight like him but Chardae was as light as her mother. The siblings looked like ebony and ivory together. Alexandria never worked a day in her life. Her job was maintain her beauty and take care of her children. Charleston for the most part made sure Alexandria had pretty much everything to do so. Chardae knew her father didn’t have a regular nine to five like the other dads on their block because he always came home with a smile and presents every time he walked in the door. By the time Charles and Chardae got into first grade, they were already hated because they dressed better than the other kids and they lived in a better home. Her father always taught her that people were going to hate on her regardless because they could never be like her. He also embedded in her qualities and values to look for in people and to never use the word ‘friend’ loosely and to always remember to not owe people. ‘A favor will kill you faster than a bullet’ was his favorite saying. Both Charles and Chardae learned a lot from their father as far as street knowledge and how not to get played. Their mother was a fashion whore and had been since she ran with Loco so it was easy to make sure her children dressed fancy to a tee especially Chardae, her spitting image. Their father also taught them one other thing that was vital to their existence: how to defend themselves. He showed him how to use guns and knives because he knew the streets hated fortunate people and will try anything to make sure they didn’t stay fortunate. So by the time Chardae turned fourteen, she was the ultimate envy of the block. Every girl wanted to be her friend and every boy wanted her by their side. Then tragedy stuck hard for young Chardae and her family. Her father coming home one day got gunned down by a group of young thugs with masks on. Nobody claimed responsibility but nobody also didn’t say who was responsible. Calm Charles quickly at the tender age of sixteen became a terror after that. He was already blessed with his father’s height at 6’4 by that age and looked more like a grown man than a teenage kid. Charles wanted to find out who killed his father and started hanging with the wrong crowds after that to fill that void that not having his father was making. Chardae soon followed suit because she couldn’t see her mother turned from the sophisticated lady of stature to a nervous wreck because all her life Alexandria was just comfortable being the trophy wife or girlfriend. She didn’t have any real skills and she now started depending on her teenage children. Charles adapted to street life rather quickly and Chardae soon became his student. He kept her close to the hip mainly so she would still have a male role model even though their father was gone and mostly so no fresh ass dudes would try to take advantage of her. But later did Charles know, Chardae was not a naïve little girl and she used both her father’s and her brother’s teachings into molding her to be the baddest chick she could be. Charles ended up being with an older lady that in Sumner houses, a housing project in Brooklyn and she used her connection to get him an apartment in the same building she lived in. The lady used her real son’s name, who was over 21, and lived somewhere else to get Charles into the apartment. Of course Charles extended his new crib to his twin, Chardae, who loved using it from time to time. When Charles suggested his mother now get a job instead of depending on her kids like she did with her father, she left. Their mother just packed her bags and left. Chardae never forgot that day she came home to where her father had built a life for his wife and his kids and all her mother’s belongings were up and gone. She never looked the fact their mother only depended on her father to get by and she vowed from that day on to never be like her. As much as the young hustlers on the block kept telling her they would take care of her, she knew it was bullshit. Only man that was ever obligated to care of her and did it with no remorse was her father and he was no longer with her. She had to fiend for self. Chardae still stayed at the house being that it was still paid for except for the monthly mortgage which her brother paid off with his illegal hustles. Charles was getting to be a legend like his father was. And Chardae was next up on the throne. The case of... Chapter 3     “In the case of the State of New York versus Chardae Willows…” Today was the day that determined Chardae Willow’s fate. A whole year and a half had passed since that day Chardae had ended the life of her best friend, Janice’s, abusive boyfriend, Tyrel Greene. To Chardae, justice had been done. She was willing to except her fate. The prosecutor was trying to get Chardae on murder in the second degree but her defense team was going for manslaughter in the first degree. However, since Chardae brought the gun, the murder charge was more than likely going to stick despite the fact she was distraught and went into a rage after seeing her best friend beaten up and bloody. Her defense team was claiming Chardae brought the gun over to scare Tyrel not intentionally kill him. There were police reports were she and Janice had called the police on Tyrel and he was released the next day and back in the house. Janice even took the witness stand stating she tried to leave Tyrel several times but was threatened every time. Janice made the jury see she was scared for her life and the only person she could turn to was Chardae. Chardae’s defense team also stated Chardae acted in self-defense and was in fear of her life as well. She brought the gun not only to scare Tyrel but to protect herself as well. Chardae’s attorney painted Tyrel as a vicious woman abuser that dodged the law time and time again and would have continued his behavior until Janice was eventually dead. Before the decision went to the jury, the assistant district attorney came to Chardae and her lawyer and offered Murder in the Second with 15 years with parole. Chardae declined that real fast. To Chardae, she saved her friend when everybody else was too much of a pussy to do so. Chardae’s attorney believed they had a good case and backed her decision. “Madame Foreperson, has the jury reached a verdict?” Chardae looked at the jury as she at the defendant’s table with her lawyers in a pink striped suit and skirt outfit that her brother had one of his girls buy her for the trial. Chardae couldn’t believe six people would determine her freedom and for how long. She hated the fact that these people that she didn’t even know could now control her fate. Chardae looked at the middle aged Caucasian judge that had been eying her through the whole trial. If push came to shove, she would give him some if it meant she didn’t go to jail but three old white bitches, one black girl, and two elder gentlemen were the deciders of her destiny. “Yes, your honor, we have.” The oldest lady of the group made herself Foreperson. Chardae remembered her brother telling her to smile her pearly whites and sit up straight like a proper woman. Charles told her to look and act more like a white southern lady would and maybe the jury would ease up on her thinking she was one of their own. Chardae could play that role and if her life was on the run, she would. Besides, Charles had added during one of his visits to the correctional facility she was stationed at, Chardae had killed a black man, an abusive black man. Those white jurors will feel safety knowing a dangerous monster was off the streets and not harming people anymore. So show those pearly whites and act like a scared little white girl that was only defending her friend because no one else would. The little frightened woman stood up to the abusive massive black giant and came out victorious. Chardae took his advice and acted accordingly. Even now she was smiling but showing the jury that she was downtrodden with guilt and remorse but it had to be done because there was no other way. The madam foreperson looked at Chardae then at the paper she held in her hands.’ “In the case of Chardae Willows, pertaining to the charge of murder in the first degree, we the jury find the defendant not guilty.” Chardae’s lawyer smiled a little. That was the big one. That meant Chardae wasn’t going to get life in prison. The rest Chardae and the lawyer could work out. “For the charge of murder in the second degree, we the jury find the defendant not guilty.” Now there was a little cheering coming from Chardae’s corner. Those were the toughest charges to beat. The judge banged the gavel to quiet the room and the jury foreperson continued. “For the charge of manslaughter in the first degree, we the jury found the defendant guilty. And for the charge of possessing of unregistered firearm, we find the defendant guilty.” Chardae heard the rest of the charges the lady foreperson recited then looked at her lawyer. She knew despite it all, she was going to jail. She felt her brother behind her on the benches. “It’s going to be alright, sis,” Chardae heard him reassure her and that made her smile. Chardae didn’t even hear the judge bang his gavel again and thank the jury for their time. The trial was over and Chardae was guilty of manslaughter. The thought now hit her. She was a murderer but for her friend. But it didn’t matter, she was at fault. But looking at her friend Janice on the bench in the back of the courtroom with her face still not completely heal. Janice would never be the pretty girl she grew up with because of some asshole. Chardae was glad Tyrel was dead and if truth be told, she was glad she pulled that trigger that day and she wouldn’t take that back. She would gladly gave her life for a true friend. “I got you,” Chardae saw Janice mouthed to her. “I always got you,” Chardae returned the sentiment. Chardae’s conscious was clear. Now she just had to wait until sentencing and she could fully start this nightmare. Publication Date: March 1st 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-wz56446a3341625

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-william-shakespeare-the-tempest/

William Shakespeare The Tempest DRAMATIS PERSONAE ALONSO, King of Naples SEBASTIAN, his Brother PROSPERO, the right Duke of Milan ANTONIO, his Brother, the usurping Duke of Milan FERDINAND, Son to the King of Naples GONZALO, an honest old counsellor ADRIAN, Lord FRANCISCO,Lord CALIBAN, a savage and deformed Slave TRINCULO, a Jester STEPHANO, a drunken Butler MASTER OF A SHIP BOATSWAIN MARINERS MIRANDA, Daughter to Prospero ARIEL, an airy Spirit IRIS, presented by Spirits CERES, presented by Spirits JUNO, presented by Spirits NYMPHS, presented by Spirits REAPERS, presented by Spirits Other Spirits attending on Prospero SCENE: The sea, with a Ship; afterwards an Island THE TEMPEST ACT 1 SCENE 1 [On a ship at sea; a tempestuous noise of thunder and lightning heard] [Enter a SHIPMASTER and a BOATSWAIN severally] MASTER. Boatswain! BOATSWAIN. Here, master: what cheer? MASTER. Good! Speak to the mariners: fall to't yarely, or we run ourselves aground: bestir, bestir. [Exit] [Enter MARINERS] BOATSWAIN. Heigh, my hearts! cheerly, cheerly, my hearts! yare, yare! Take in the topsail. Tend to th' master's whistle. - Blow till thou burst thy wind, if room enough. [Enter ALONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONIO, FERDINAND, GONZALO, and OTHERS] ALONSO. Good boatswain, have care. Where's the master? Play the men. BOATSWAIN. I pray now, keep below. ANTONIO. Where is the master, boson? BOATSWAIN. Do you not hear him? You mar our labour: keep your cabins: you do assist the storm. GONZALO. Nay, good, be patient. BOATSWAIN. When the sea is. Hence! What cares these roarers for the name of king? To cabin! silence! Trouble us not. GONZALO. Good, yet remember whom thou hast aboard. BOATSWAIN. None that I more love than myself. You are counsellor: if you can command these elements to silence, and work the peace of the present, we will not hand a rope more. Use your authority: if you cannot, give thanks you have lived so long, and make yourself ready in your cabin for the mischance of the hour, if it so hap. - Cheerly, good hearts! - Out of our way, I say. [Exit] GONZALO. I have great comfort from this fellow. Methinks he hath no drowning mark upon him: his complexion is perfect gallows. Stand fast, good Fate, to his hanging! make the rope of his destiny our cable, for our own doth little advantage! If he be not born to be hang'd, our case is miserable. [Exeunt] [Re-enter BOATSWAIN] BOATSWAIN. Down with the topmast! yare! lower, lower! Bring her to try wi' th' maincourse. [A cry within] A plague upon this howling! They are louder than the weather or our office. - [Re-enter SEBASTIAN, ANTONIO, and GONZALO] Yet again! What do you here? Shall we give o'er, and drown? Have you a mind to sink? SEBASTIAN. A pox o' your throat, you bawling, blasphemous, incharitable dog! BOATSWAIN. Work you, then. ANTONIO. Hang, cur, hang! you whoreson, insolent noisemaker, we are less afraid to be drowned than thou art. GONZALO. I'll warrant him for drowning, though the ship were no stronger than a nutshell, and as leaky as an unstanched wench. BOATSWAIN. Lay her a-hold, a-hold! set her two courses: off to sea again: lay her off. [Enter MARINERS, Wet] MARINERS. All lost! to prayers, to prayers! all lost! [Exeunt] BOATSWAIN. What, must our mouths be cold? GONZALO. The King and Prince at prayers! let us assist them, For our case is as theirs. SEBASTIAN. I am out of patience. ANTONIO. We are merely cheated of our lives by drunkards. - This wide-chapp'd rascal - would thou might'st lie drowning The washing of ten tides! GONZALO. He'll be hang'd yet, Though every drop of water swear against it, And gape at wid'st to glut him. [A confused noise within: - 'Mercy on us!' - 'We split, we split!' - 'Farewell, my wife and children!' - 'Farewell, brother!' - 'We split, we split, we split!' - ] ANTONIO. Let's all sink wi' the King. [Exit] SEBASTIAN. Let's take leave of him. [Exit] GONZALO. Now would I give a thousand furlongs of sea for an acre of barren ground; long heath, brown furze, any thing. The wills above be done! but I would fain die dry death. [Exit] SCENE 2 [The Island. Before the cell of PROSPERO] [Enter PROSPERO and MIRANDA] MIRANDA. If by your art, my dearest father, you have Put the wild waters in this roar, allay them. The sky, it seems, would pour down stinking pitch, But that the sea, mounting to th' welkin's cheek, Dashes the fire out. O! I have suffered With those that I saw suffer: a brave vessel, Who had, no doubt, some noble creatures in her, Dash'd all to pieces. O! the cry did knock Against my very heart. Poor souls, they perish'd. Had I been any god of power, I would Have sunk the sea within the earth, or e'er It should the good ship so have swallow'd and The fraughting souls within her. PROSPERO. Be collected: No more amazement: tell your piteous heart There's no harm done. MIRANDA. O! woe the day! PROSPERO. No harm. I have done nothing but in care of thee, Of thee, my dear one, thee, my daughter, who Art ignorant of what thou art, nought knowing Of whence I am: nor that I am more better Than Prospero, master of a full poor cell, And thy no greater father. MIRANDA. More to know Did never meddle with my thoughts. PROSPERO. 'Tis time I should inform thee farther. Lend thy hand, And pluck my magic garment from me. - So: [Lays down his mantle] Lie there my art. - Wipe thou thine eyes; have comfort. The direful spectacle of the wrack, which touch'd The very virtue of compassion in thee, I have with such provision in mine art So safely ordered that there is no soul - No, not so much perdition as an hair Betid to any creature in the vessel Which thou heard'st cry, which thou saw'st sink. Sit down; For thou must now know farther. MIRANDA. You have often Begun to tell me what I am: but stopp'd, And left me to a bootless inquisition, Concluding 'Stay; not yet.' PROSPERO. The hour's now come, The very minute bids thee ope thine ear; Obey, and be attentive. Canst thou remember A time before we came unto this cell? I do not think thou canst: for then thou wast not Out three years old. MIRANDA. Certainly, sir, I can. PROSPERO. By what? By any other house, or person? Of any thing the image, tell me, that Hath kept with thy remembrance. MIRANDA. 'Tis far off, And rather like a dream than an assurance That my remembrance warrants. Had I not Four, or five, women once, that tended me? PROSPERO. Thou hadst, and more, Miranda. But how is it That this lives in thy mind? What seest thou else In the dark backward and abysm of time? If thou rememb'rest aught ere thou cam'st here, How thou cam'st here, thou mayst. MIRANDA. But that I do not. PROSPERO. Twelve year since, Miranda, twelve year since, Thy father was the Duke of Milan, and A prince of power. MIRANDA. Sir, are not you my father? PROSPERO. Thy mother was a piece of virtue, and She said thou wast my daughter: and thy father Was Duke of Milan, and his only heir And princess, - no worse issued. MIRANDA. O, the heavens! What foul play had we that we came from thence? Or blessed was't we did? PROSPERO. Both, both, my girl. By foul play, as thou say'st, were we heav'd thence; But blessedly holp hither. MIRANDA. O! my heart bleeds To think o' th' teen that I have turn'd you to, Which is from my remembrance. Please you, further. PROSPERO. My brother and thy uncle, call'd Antonio - I pray thee, mark me, - that a brother should Be so perfidious! - he, whom next thyself, Of all the world I lov'd, and to him put The manage of my state; as at that time Through all the signories it was the first, And Prospero the prime duke, being so reputed In dignity, and for the liberal arts, Without a parallel: those being all my study, The government I cast upon my brother, And to my state grew stranger, being transported And rapt in secret studies. Thy false uncle - Dost thou attend me? MIRANDA. Sir, most heedfully. PROSPERO. Being once perfected how to grant suits, How to deny them, who t' advance, and who To trash for over-topping; new created The creatures that were mine, I say, or chang'd 'em, Or else new form'd 'em: having both the key Of officer and office, set all hearts i' th' state To what tune pleas'd his ear: that now he was The ivy which had hid my princely trunk, And suck'd my verdure out on't. - Thou attend'st not. MIRANDA. O, good sir! I do. PROSPERO. I pray thee, mark me. I thus neglecting worldly ends, all dedicated To closeness and the bettering of my mind With that, which, but by being so retir'd, O'er-priz'd all popular rate, in my false brother Awak'd an evil nature; and my trust, Like a good parent, did beget of him A falsehood, in its contrary as great As my trust was; which had indeed no limit, A confidence sans bound. He being thus lorded, Not only with what my revenue yielded, But what my power might else exact, - like one Who having, into truth, by telling of it, Made such a sinner of his memory, To credit his own lie, - he did believe He was indeed the Duke; out o' the substitution, And executing th' outward face of royalty, With all prerogative. - Hence his ambition growing - Dost thou hear? MIRANDA. Your tale, sir, would cure deafness. PROSPERO. To have no screen between this part he play'd And him he play'd it for, he needs will be Absolute Milan. Me, poor man - my library Was dukedom large enough: of temporal royalties He thinks me now incapable; confederates, - So dry he was for sway, - wi' th' King of Naples To give him annual tribute, do him homage; Subject his coronet to his crown, and bend The dukedom, yet unbow'd - alas, poor Milan! - To most ignoble stooping. MIRANDA. O the heavens! PROSPERO. Mark his condition, and the event; then tell me If this might be a brother. MIRANDA. I should sin To think but nobly of my grandmother: Good wombs have borne bad sons. PROSPERO. Now the condition. This King of Naples, being an enemy To me inveterate, hearkens my brother's suit; Which was, that he, in lieu o' the premises Of homage and I know not how much tribute, Should presently extirpate me and mine Out of the dukedom, and confer fair Milan, With all the honours on my brother: whereon, A treacherous army levied, one midnight Fated to the purpose, did Antonio open The gates of Milan; and, i' th' dead of darkness, The ministers for th' purpose hurried thence Me and thy crying self. MIRANDA. Alack, for pity! I, not rememb'ring how I cried out then, Will cry it o'er again: it is a hint That wrings mine eyes to't. PROSPERO. Hear a little further, And then I'll bring thee to the present business Which now's upon us; without the which this story Were most impertinent. MIRANDA. Wherefore did they not That hour destroy us? PROSPERO. Well demanded, wench: My tale provokes that question. Dear, they durst not, So dear the love my people bore me, nor set A mark so bloody on the business; but With colours fairer painted their foul ends. In few, they hurried us aboard a bark, Bore us some leagues to sea, where they prepared A rotten carcass of a boat, not rigg'd, Nor tackle, sail, nor mast: the very rats Instinctively have quit it. There they hoist us, To cry to th' sea, that roar'd to us: to sigh To th' winds, whose pity, sighing back again, Did us but loving wrong. MIRANDA. Alack! what trouble Was I then to you! PROSPERO. O, a cherubin Thou wast that did preserve me! Thou didst smile, Infused with a fortitude from heaven, When I have deck'd the sea with drops full salt, Under my burden groan'd: which rais'd in me An undergoing stomach, to bear up Against what should ensue. MIRANDA. How came we ashore? PROSPERO. By Providence divine. Some food we had and some fresh water that A noble Neapolitan, Gonzalo, Out of his charity, - who being then appointed Master of this design, - did give us, with Rich garments, linens, stuffs, and necessaries, Which since have steaded much: so, of his gentleness, Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me, From mine own library with volumes that I prize above my dukedom. MIRANDA. Would I might But ever see that man! PROSPERO. Now I arise: - [Resumes his mantle] Sit still, and hear the last of our sea-sorrow. Here in this island we arriv'd: and here Have I, thy schoolmaster, made thee more profit Than other princes can, that have more time For vainer hours, and tutors not so careful. MIRANDA. Heavens thank you for't! And now, I pray you, sir, - For still 'tis beating in my mind, - your reason For raising this sea-storm? PROSPERO. Know thus far forth. By accident most strange, bountiful Fortune, Now my dear lady, hath mine enemies Brought to this shore; and by my prescience I find my zenith doth depend upon A most auspicious star, whose influence If now I court not but omit, my fortunes Will ever after droop. Here cease more questions; Thou art inclin'd to sleep; 'tis a good dulness, And give it way; - I know thou canst not choose. - [MIRANDA sleeps] Come away, servant, come! I am ready now. Approach, my Ariel; Come! [Enter ARIEL] ARIEL. All hail, great master! grave sir, hail! I come To answer thy best pleasure; be't to fly, To swim, to dive into the fire, to ride On the curl'd clouds; to thy strong bidding task Ariel and all his quality. PROSPERO. Hast thou, spirit, Perform'd to point the tempest that I bade thee? ARIEL. To every article. I boarded the King's ship; now on the beak, Now in the waist, the deck, in every cabin, I flam'd amazement; sometime I'd divide, And burn in many places; on the topmast, The yards, and boresprit, would I flame distinctly, Then meet and join: Jove's lightning, the precursors O' th' dreadful thunder-claps, more momentary And sight-outrunning were not: the fire and cracks Of sulphurous roaring the most mighty Neptune Seem to besiege and make his bold waves tremble, Yea, his dread trident shake. PROSPERO. My brave spirit! Who was so firm, so constant, that this coil Would not infect his reason? ARIEL. Not a soul But felt a fever of the mad, and play'd Some tricks of desperation. All but mariners Plunged in the foaming brine and quit the vessel, Then all afire with me: the King's son, Ferdinand, With hair up-staring - then like reeds, not hair - Was the first man that leapt; cried 'Hell is empty, And all the devils are here.' PROSPERO. Why, that's my spirit! But was not this nigh shore? ARIEL. Close by, my master. PROSPERO. But are they, Ariel, safe? ARIEL. Not a hair perish'd; On their sustaining garments not a blemish, But fresher than before: and, as thou bad'st me, In troops I have dispers'd them 'bout the isle. The king's son have I landed by himself, Whom I left cooling of the air with sighs In an odd angle of the isle, and sitting, His arms in this sad knot. PROSPERO. Of the King's ship The mariners, say how thou hast dispos'd, And all the rest o' th' fleet? ARIEL. Safely in harbour Is the King's ship; in the deep nook, where once Thou call'dst me up at midnight to fetch dew From the still-vex'd Bermoothes; there she's hid: The mariners all under hatches stowed; Who, with a charm join'd to their suff'red labour, I have left asleep: and for the rest o' th' fleet Which I dispers'd, they all have met again, And are upon the Mediterranean flote Bound sadly home for Naples, Supposing that they saw the king's ship wrack'd, And his great person perish. PROSPERO. Ariel, thy charge Exactly is perform'd; but there's more work: What is the time o' th' day? ARIEL. Past the mid season. PROSPERO. At least two glasses. The time 'twixt six and now Must by us both be spent most preciously. ARIEL. Is there more toil? Since thou dost give me pains, Let me remember thee what thou hast promis'd, Which is not yet perform'd me. PROSPERO. How now! moody? What is't thou canst demand? ARIEL. My liberty. PROSPERO. Before the time be out! No more! ARIEL. I prithee, Remember I have done thee worthy service; Told thee no lies, made no mistakings, serv'd Without or grudge or grumblings: thou didst promise To bate me a full year. PROSPERO. Dost thou forget From what a torment I did free thee? ARIEL. No. PROSPERO. Thou dost; and think'st it much to tread the ooze Of the salt deep, To run upon the sharp wind of the north, To do me business in the veins o' th' earth When it is bak'd with frost. ARIEL. I do not, sir. PROSPERO. Thou liest, malignant thing! Hast thou forgot The foul witch Sycorax, who with age and envy Was grown into a hoop? Hast thou forgot her? ARIEL. No, sir. PROSPERO. Thou hast. Where was she born? Speak; tell me. ARIEL. Sir, in Argier. PROSPERO. O! was she so? I must Once in a month recount what thou hast been, Which thou forget'st. This damn'd witch Sycorax, For mischiefs manifold, and sorceries terrible To enter human hearing, from Argier, Thou know'st,was banish'd: for one thing she did They would not take her life. Is not this true? ARIEL. Ay, sir. PROSPERO. This blue-ey'd hag was hither brought with child, And here was left by the sailors. Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant: And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee, By help of her more potent ministers, And in her most unmitigable rage, Into a cloven pine; within which rift Imprison'd, thou didst painfully remain A dozen years; within which space she died, And left thee there, where thou didst vent thy groans As fast as mill-wheels strike. Then was this island - Save for the son that she did litter here, A freckl'd whelp, hag-born - not honour'd with A human shape. ARIEL. Yes; Caliban her son. PROSPERO. Dull thing, I say so; he, that Caliban, Whom now I keep in service. Thou best know'st What torment I did find thee in; thy groans Did make wolves howl, and penetrate the breasts Of ever-angry bears: it was a torment To lay upon the damn'd, which Sycorax Could not again undo; it was mine art, When I arriv'd and heard thee, that made gape The pine, and let thee out. ARIEL. I thank thee, master. PROSPERO. If thou more murmur'st, I will rend an oak And peg thee in his knotty entrails till Thou hast howl'd away twelve winters. ARIEL. Pardon, master: I will be correspondent to command, And do my spriting gently. PROSPERO. Do so; and after two days I will discharge thee. ARIEL. That's my noble master! What shall I do? Say what? What shall I do? PROSPERO. Go make thyself like a nymph o' th' sea: be subject To no sight but thine and mine; invisible To every eyeball else. Go, take this shape, And hither come in 't: go, hence with diligence! [Exit ARIEL] Awake, dear heart, awake! thou hast slept well; Awake! MIRANDA. [Waking] The strangeness of your story put Heaviness in me. PROSPERO. Shake it off. Come on; We'll visit Caliban my slave, who never Yields us kind answer. MIRANDA. 'Tis a villain, sir, I do not love to look on. PROSPERO. But as 'tis, We cannot miss him: he does make our fire, Fetch in our wood; and serves in offices That profit us. - What ho! slave! Caliban! Thou earth, thou! Speak. CALIBAN. [Within] There's wood enough within. PROSPERO. Come forth, I say; there's other business for thee: Come, thou tortoise! when? [Re-enter ARIEL like a water-nymph.] Fine apparition! My quaint Ariel, Hark in thine ear. ARIEL. My lord, it shall be done. [Exit] PROSPERO. Thou poisonous slave, got by the devil himself Upon thy wicked dam, come forth! [Enter CALIBAN] CALIBAN. As wicked dew as e'er my mother brush'd With raven's feather from unwholesome fen Drop on you both! A south-west blow on ye, And blister you all o'er! PROSPERO. For this, be sure, to-night thou shalt have cramps, Side-stitches that shall pen thy breath up; urchins Shall forth at vast of night that they may work All exercise on thee: thou shalt be pinch'd As thick as honeycomb, each pinch more stinging Than bees that made them. CALIBAN. I must eat my dinner. This island's mine, by Sycorax my mother, Which thou tak'st from me. When thou cam'st first, Thou strok'st me and made much of me; wouldst give me Water with berries in't; and teach me how To name the bigger light, and how the less, That burn by day and night: and then I lov'd thee, And show'd thee all the qualities o' th' isle, The fresh springs, brine-pits, barren place, and fertile. Curs'd be I that did so! All the charms Of Sycorax, toads, beetles, bats, light on you! For I am all the subjects that you have, Which first was mine own king; and here you sty me In this hard rock, whiles you do keep from me The rest o' th' island. PROSPERO. Thou most lying slave, Whom stripes may move, not kindness! I have us'd thee, Filth as thou art, with human care, and lodg'd thee In mine own cell, till thou didst seek to violate The honour of my child. CALIBAN. Oh ho! Oh ho! Would it had been done! Thou didst prevent me; I had peopl'd else This isle with Calibans. PROSPERO. Abhorred slave, Which any print of goodness wilt not take, Being capable of all ill! I pitied thee, Took pains to make thee speak, taught thee each hour One thing or other: when thou didst not, savage, Know thine own meaning, but wouldst gabble like A thing most brutish, I endow'd thy purposes With words that made them known: but thy vile race, Though thou didst learn, had that in't which good natures Could not abide to be with; therefore wast thou Deservedly confin'd into this rock, who hadst Deserv'd more than a prison. CALIBAN. You taught me language, and my profit on't Is, I know how to curse: the red plague rid you, For learning me your language! PROSPERO. Hag-seed, hence! Fetch us in fuel; and be quick, thou 'rt best, To answer other business. Shrug'st thou, malice? If thou neglect'st, or dost unwillingly What I command, I'll rack thee with old cramps, Fill all thy bones with aches; make thee roar, That beasts shall tremble at thy din. CALIBAN. No, pray thee. - [Aside] I must obey. His art is of such power, It would control my dam's god, Setebos, And make a vassal of him. PROSPERO. So, slave: hence! [Exit CALIBAN] [Re-enter ARIEL invisible, playing and singing; FERDINAND following] [ARIEL'S SONG.] Come unto these yellow sands, And then take hands: Curtsied when you have, and kiss'd, - The wild waves whist, - Foot it featly here and there; And, sweet sprites, the burden bear. Hark, hark! [Burden: Bow, wow, dispersedly.] The watch dogs bark: [Burden: Bow, wow, dispersedly.] Hark, hark! I hear The strain of strutting Chanticleer [Cry, Cock-a-diddle-dow.] FERDINAND. Where should this music be? i' th' air or th' earth? It sounds no more; - and sure it waits upon Some god o' th' island. Sitting on a bank, Weeping again the king my father's wrack, This music crept by me upon the waters, Allaying both their fury and my passion, With its sweet air: thence I have follow'd it, - Or it hath drawn me rather, - but 'tis gone. No, it begins again. [ARIEL sings] Full fathom five thy father lies: Of his bones are coral made: Those are pearls that were his eyes: Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange. Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell: [Burden: Ding-dong.] Hark! now I hear them - ding-dong, bell. FERDINAND. The ditty does remember my drown'd father. This is no mortal business, nor no sound That the earth owes: - I hear it now above me. PROSPERO. The fringed curtains of thine eye advance, And say what thou seest yond. MIRANDA. What is't? a spirit? Lord, how it looks about! Believe me, sir, It carries a brave form: - but 'tis a spirit. PROSPERO. No, wench; it eats and sleeps, and hath such senses As we have, such; this gallant which thou see'st Was in the wrack; and but he's something stain'd With grief, - that beauty's canker, - thou mightst call him A goodly person: he hath lost his fellows And strays about to find 'em. MIRANDA. I might call him A thing divine; for nothing natural I ever saw so noble. PROSPERO. [Aside] It goes on, I see, As my soul prompts it. - Spirit, fine spirit! I'll free thee Within two days for this. FERDINAND. Most sure, the goddess On whom these airs attend! - Vouchsafe, my prayer May know if you remain upon this island; And that you will some good instruction give How I may bear me here: my prime request, Which I do last pronounce, is, - O you wonder! - If you be maid or no? MIRANDA. No wonder, sir; But certainly a maid. FERDINAND. My language! Heavens! - I am the best of them that speak this speech, Were I but where 'tis spoken. PROSPERO. How! the best? What wert thou, if the King of Naples heard thee? FERDINAND. A single thing, as I am now, that wonders To hear thee speak of Naples. He does hear me; And, that he does, I weep: myself am Naples, Who with mine eyes, - never since at ebb, - beheld The King, my father wrack'd. MIRANDA. Alack, for mercy! FERDINAND. Yes, faith, and all his lords, the Duke of Milan, And his brave son being twain. PROSPERO. [Aside.] The Duke of Milan, And his more braver daughter could control thee, If now 'twere fit to do't. - At the first sight [Aside.] They have changed eyes; - delicate Ariel, I'll set thee free for this! - [To FERDINAND] A word, good sir: I fear you have done yourself some wrong: a word. MIRANDA. [Aside.] Why speaks my father so ungently? This Is the third man that e'er I saw; the first That e'er I sigh'd for; pity move my father To be inclin'd my way! FERDINAND. [Aside.] O! if a virgin, And your affection not gone forth, I'll make you The Queen of Naples. PROSPERO. Soft, sir; one word more - [Aside] They are both in either's powers: but this swift business I must uneasy make, lest too light winning Make the prize light. [To FERDINAND] One word more: I charge thee That thou attend me. Thou dost here usurp The name thou ow'st not; and hast put thyself Upon this island as a spy, to win it From me, the lord on't. FERDINAND. No, as I am a man. MIRANDA. There's nothing ill can dwell in such a temple: If the ill spirit have so fair a house, Good things will strive to dwell with't. PROSPERO. {To FERDINAND] Follow me. - [To MIRANDA] Speak not you for him; he's a traitor. - [To FERDINAND] Come; I'll manacle thy neck and feet together: Sea-water shalt thou drink; thy food shall be The fresh-brook mussels, wither'd roots, and husks Wherein the acorn cradled. Follow. FERDINAND. No; I will resist such entertainment till Mine enemy has more power. [He draws, and is charmed from moving.] MIRANDA. O dear father! Make not too rash a trial of him, for He's gentle, and not fearful. PROSPERO. What! I say, My foot my tutor? Put thy sword up, traitor; Who mak'st a show, but dar'st not strike, thy conscience Is so possess'd with guilt: come from thy ward, For I can here disarm thee with this stick And make thy weapon drop. MIRANDA. Beseech you, father! PROSPERO. Hence! Hang not on my garments. MIRANDA. Sir, have pity; I'll be his surety. PROSPERO. Silence! One word more Shall make me chide thee, if not hate thee. What! An advocate for an impostor? hush! Thou think'st there is no more such shapes as he, Having seen but him and Caliban: foolish wench! To the most of men this is a Caliban, And they to him are angels. MIRANDA. My affections Are then most humble; I have no ambition To see a goodlier man. PROSPERO. [To FERDINAND] Come on; obey: Thy nerves are in their infancy again, And have no vigour in them. FERDINAND. So they are: My spirits, as in a dream, are all bound up. My father's loss, the weakness which I feel, The wrack of all my friends, nor this man's threats, To whom I am subdued, are but light to me, Might I but through my prison once a day Behold this maid: all corners else o' th' earth Let liberty make use of; space enough Have I in such a prison. PROSPERO. [Aside] It works. - [To FERDINAND] Come on. - Thou hast done well, fine Ariel! [To FERDINAND] Follow me. - [To ARIEL] Hark what thou else shalt do me. MIRANDA. Be of comfort; My father's of a better nature, sir, Than he appears by speech: this is unwonted, Which now came from him. PROSPERO. Thou shalt be as free As mountain winds; but then exactly do All points of my command. ARIEL. To the syllable. PROSPERO. [To FERDINAND] Come, follow. - Speak not for him. [Exeunt] ACT 2 SCENE I. - Another part of the island [Enter ALONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONIO, GONZALO, ADRIAN, FRANCISCO, and OTHERS] GONZALO. Beseech you, sir, be merry; you have cause, So have we all, of joy; for our escape Is much beyond our loss. Our hint of woe Is common: every day, some sailor's wife, The masters of some merchant and the merchant, Have just our theme of woe; but for the miracle, I mean our preservation, few in millions Can speak like us: then wisely, good sir, weigh Our sorrow with our comfort. ALONSO. Prithee, peace. SEBASTIAN. He receives comfort like cold porridge. ANTONIO. The visitor will not give him o'er so. SEBASTIAN. Look, he's winding up the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike. GONZALO. Sir, - SEBASTIAN. One: tell. GONZALO. When every grief is entertain'd that's offer'd, Comes to the entertainer - SEBASTIAN. A dollar. GONZALO. Dolour comes to him, indeed: you have spoken truer than you purposed. SEBASTIAN. You have taken it wiselier than I meant you should. GONZALO. Therefore, my lord, - ANTONIO. Fie, what a spendthrift is he of his tongue! ALONSO. I prithee, spare. GONZALO. Well, I have done: but yet - SEBASTIAN. He will be talking. ANTONIO. Which, of he or Adrian, for a good wager, first begins to crow? SEBASTIAN. The old cock. ANTONIO. The cockerel. SEBASTIAN. Done. The wager? ANTONIO. A laughter. SEBASTIAN. A match! ADRIAN. Though this island seem to be desert, - SEBASTIAN. Ha, ha, ha! So, you're paid. ADRIAN. Uninhabitable, and almost inaccessible, - SEBASTIAN. Yet - ADRIAN. Yet - ANTONIO. He could not miss it. ADRIAN. It must needs be of subtle, tender, and delicate temperance. ANTONIO. Temperance was a delicate wench. SEBASTIAN. Ay, and a subtle; as he most learnedly delivered. ADRIAN. The air breathes upon us here most sweetly. SEBASTIAN. As if it had lungs, and rotten ones. ANTONIO. Or, as 'twere perfum'd by a fen. GONZALO. Here is everything advantageous to life. ANTONIO. True; save means to live. SEBASTIAN. Of that there's none, or little. GONZALO. How lush and lusty the grass looks! how green! ANTONIO. The ground indeed is tawny. SEBASTIAN. With an eye of green in't. ANTONIO. He misses not much. SEBASTIAN. No; he doth but mistake the truth totally. GONZALO. But the rarity of it is, - which is indeed almost beyond credit, - SEBASTIAN. As many vouch'd rarities are. GONZALO. That our garments, being, as they were, drenched in the sea, hold notwithstanding their freshness and glosses, being rather new-dyed than stain'd with salt water. ANTONIO. If but one of his pockets could speak, would it not say he lies? SEBASTIAN. Ay, or very falsely pocket up his report. GONZALO. Methinks, our garments are now as fresh as when we put them on first in Afric, at the marriage of the king's fair daughter Claribel to the King of Tunis. SEBASTIAN. 'Twas a sweet marriage, and we prosper well in our return. ADRIAN. Tunis was never graced before with such a paragon to their queen. GONZALO. Not since widow Dido's time. ANTONIO. Widow! a pox o' that! How came that widow in? Widow Dido! SEBASTIAN. What if he had said, widower Aeneas too? Good Lord, how you take it! ADRIAN. Widow Dido said you? You make me study of that; she was of Carthage, not of Tunis. GONZALO. This Tunis, sir, was Carthage. ADRIAN. Carthage? GONZALO. I assure you, Carthage. ANTONIO. His word is more than the miraculous harp. SEBASTIAN. He hath rais'd the wall, and houses too. ANTONIO. What impossible matter will he make easy next? SEBASTIAN. I think he will carry this island home in his pocket, and give it his son for an apple. ANTONIO. And, sowing the kernels of it in the sea, bring forth more islands. ALONSO. Ay. ANTONIO. Why, in good time. GONZALO. [To ALONSO.] Sir, we were talking that our garments seem now as fresh as when we were at Tunis at the marriage of your daughter, who is now Queen. ANTONIO. And the rarest that e'er came there. SEBASTIAN. Bate, I beseech you, widow Dido. ANTONIO. O! widow Dido; ay, widow Dido. GONZALO. Is not, sir, my doublet as fresh as the first day I wore it? I mean, in a sort. ANTONIO. That sort was well fish'd for. GONZALO. When I wore it at your daughter's marriage? ALONSO. You cram these words into mine ears against The stomach of my sense. Would I had never Married my daughter there! for, coming thence, My son is lost; and, in my rate, she too, Who is so far from Italy remov'd, I ne'er again shall see her. O thou, mine heir Of Naples and of Milan! what strange fish Hath made his meal on thee? FRANCISCO. Sir, he may live: I saw him beat the surges under him, And ride upon their backs: he trod the water, Whose enmity he flung aside, and breasted The surge most swoln that met him: his bold head 'Bove the contentious waves he kept, and oar'd Himself with his good arms in lusty stroke To th' shore, that o'er his wave-worn basis bowed, As stooping to relieve him. I not doubt He came alive to land. ALONSO. No, no; he's gone. SEBASTIAN. Sir, you may thank yourself for this great loss, That would not bless our Europe with your daughter, But rather lose her to an African; Where she, at least, is banish'd from your eye, Who hath cause to wet the grief on't. ALONSO. Prithee, peace. SEBASTIAN. You were kneel'd to, and importun'd otherwise By all of us; and the fair soul herself Weigh'd between loathness and obedience at Which end o' th' beam should bow. We have lost your son, I fear, for ever: Milan and Naples have More widows in them of this business' making, Than we bring men to comfort them; the fault's your own. ALONSO. So is the dearest of the loss. GONZALO. My lord Sebastian, The truth you speak doth lack some gentleness And time to speak it in; you rub the sore, When you should bring the plaster. SEBASTIAN. Very well. ANTONIO. And most chirurgeonly. GONZALO. It is foul weather in us all, good sir, When you are cloudy. SEBASTIAN. Foul weather? ANTONIO. Very foul. GONZALO. Had I plantation of this isle, my lord, - ANTONIO. He'd sow 't with nettle-seed. SEBASTIAN. Or docks, or mallows. GONZALO. And were the king on't, what would I do? SEBASTIAN. 'Scape being drunk for want of wine. GONZALO. I' the commonwealth I would by contraries Execute all things; for no kind of traffic Would I admit; no name of magistrate; Letters should not be known; riches, poverty, And use of service, none; contract, succession, Bourn, bound of land, tilth, vineyard, none; No use of metal, corn, or wine, or oil; No occupation; all men idle, all: And women too, but innocent and pure; No sovereignty, - SEBASTIAN. Yet he would be king on't. ANTONIO. The latter end of his commonwealth forgets the beginning. GONZALO. All things in common nature should produce Without sweat or endeavour; treason, felony, Sword, pike, knife, gun, or need of any engine, Would I not have; but nature should bring forth, Of it own kind, all foison, all abundance, To feed my innocent people. SEBASTIAN. No marrying 'mong his subjects? ANTONIO. None, man: all idle; whores and knaves. GONZALO. I would with such perfection govern, sir, To excel the golden age. SEBASTIAN. Save his Majesty! ANTONIO. Long live Gonzalo! GONZALO. And, - do you mark me, sir? ALONSO. Prithee, no more: thou dost talk nothing to me. GONZALO. I do well believe your highness; and did it to minister occasion to these gentlemen, who are of such sensible and nimble lungs that they always use to laugh at nothing. ANTONIO. 'Twas you we laugh'd at. GONZALO. Who in this kind of merry fooling am nothing to you; so you may continue, and laugh at nothing still. ANTONIO. What a blow was there given! SEBASTIAN. An it had not fallen flat-long. GONZALO. You are gentlemen of brave mettle: you would lift the moon out of her sphere, if she would continue in it five weeks without changing. [Enter ARIEL, invisible, playing solemn music] SEBASTIAN. We would so, and then go a-bat-fowling. ANTONIO. Nay, good my lord, be not angry. GONZALO. No, I warrant you; I will not adventure my discretion so weakly. Will you laugh me asleep, for I am very heavy? ANTONIO. Go sleep, and hear us. [All sleep but ALONSO, SEBASTIAN, and ANTONIO] ALONSO. What! all so soon asleep! I wish mine eyes Would, with themselves, shut up my thoughts: I find They are inclin'd to do so. SEBASTIAN. Please you, sir, Do not omit the heavy offer of it: It seldom visits sorrow; when it doth, It is a comforter. ANTONIO. We two, my lord, Will guard your person while you take your rest, And watch your safety. ALONSO. Thank you. Wondrous heavy! [ALONSO sleeps. Exit ARIEL.] SEBASTIAN. What a strange drowsiness possesses them! ANTONIO. It is the quality o' th' climate. SEBASTIAN. Why Doth it not then our eyelids sink? I find not Myself dispos'd to sleep. ANTONIO. Nor I: my spirits are nimble. They fell together all, as by consent; They dropp'd, as by a thunder-stroke. What might, Worthy Sebastian? O! what might? - No more: - And yet methinks I see it in thy face, What thou should'st be: The occasion speaks thee; and My strong imagination sees a crown Dropping upon thy head. SEBASTIAN. What! art thou waking? ANTONIO. Do you not hear me speak? SEBASTIAN. I do: and surely It is a sleepy language, and thou speak'st Out of thy sleep. What is it thou didst say? This is a strange repose, to be asleep With eyes wide open; standing, speaking, moving, And yet so fast asleep. ANTONIO. Noble Sebastian, Thou let'st thy fortune sleep - die rather: wink'st Whiles thou art waking. SEBASTIAN. Thou dost snore distinctly: There's meaning in thy snores. ANTONIO. I am more serious than my custom; you Must be so too, if heed me: which to do Trebles thee o'er. SEBASTIAN. Well, I am standing water. ANTONIO. I'll teach you how to flow. SEBASTIAN. Do so: to ebb, Hereditary sloth instructs me. ANTONIO. O! If you but knew how you the purpose cherish Whiles thus you mock it! how, in stripping it, You more invest it! Ebbing men indeed, Most often, do so near the bottom run By their own fear or sloth. SEBASTIAN. Prithee, say on: The setting of thine eye and cheek proclaim A matter from thee, and a birth, indeed Which throes thee much to yield. ANTONIO. Thus, sir: Although this lord of weak remembrance, this Who shall be of as little memory When he is earth'd, hath here almost persuaded, - For he's a spirit of persuasion, only Professes to persuade, - the King his son's alive, 'Tis as impossible that he's undrown'd As he that sleeps here swims. SEBASTIAN. I have no hope That he's undrown'd. ANTONIO. O! out of that 'no hope' What great hope have you! No hope that way is Another way so high a hope, that even Ambition cannot pierce a wink beyond, But doubts discovery there. Will you grant with me That Ferdinand is drown'd? SEBASTIAN. He's gone. ANTONIO. Then tell me, Who's the next heir of Naples? SEBASTIAN. Claribel. ANTONIO. She that is Queen of Tunis; she that dwells Ten leagues beyond man's life; she that from Naples Can have no note, unless the sun were post - The Man i' th' Moon's too slow - till newborn chins Be rough and razorable: she that from whom We all were sea-swallow'd, though some cast again, And by that destiny, to perform an act Whereof what's past is prologue, what to come In yours and my discharge. SEBASTIAN. What stuff is this! - How say you? 'Tis true, my brother's daughter's Queen of Tunis; So is she heir of Naples; 'twixt which regions There is some space. ANTONIO. A space whose every cubit Seems to cry out 'How shall that Claribel Measure us back to Naples? - Keep in Tunis, And let Sebastian wake.' - Say this were death That now hath seiz'd them; why, they were no worse Than now they are. There be that can rule Naples As well as he that sleeps; lords that can prate As amply and unnecessarily As this Gonzalo: I myself could make A chough of as deep chat. O, that you bore The mind that I do! What a sleep were this For your advancement! Do you understand me? SEBASTIAN. Methinks I do. ANTONIO. And how does your content Tender your own good fortune? SEBASTIAN. I remember You did supplant your brother Prospero. ANTONIO. True. And look how well my garments sit upon me; Much feater than before; my brother's servants Were then my fellows; now they are my men. SEBASTIAN. But, for your conscience, - ANTONIO. Ay, sir; where lies that? If 'twere a kibe, 'Twould put me to my slipper: but I feel not This deity in my bosom: twenty consciences That stand 'twixt me and Milan, candied be they And melt ere they molest! Here lies your brother, No better than the earth he lies upon, If he were that which now he's like, that's dead: Whom I, with this obedient steel, - three inches of it, - Can lay to bed for ever; whiles you, doing thus, To the perpetual wink for aye might put This ancient morsel, this Sir Prudence, who Should not upbraid our course. For all the rest, They'll take suggestion as a cat laps milk: They'll tell the clock to any business that We say befits the hour. SEBASTIAN. Thy case, dear friend, Shall be my precedent: as thou got'st Milan, I'll come by Naples. Draw thy sword: one stroke Shall free thee from the tribute which thou pay'st, And I the king shall love thee. ANTONIO. Draw together: And when I rear my hand, do you the like, To fall it on Gonzalo. SEBASTIAN. O! but one word. [They converse apart.] [Music. Re-enter ARIEL, invisible.] ARIEL. My master through his art foresees the danger That you, his friend, are in; and sends me forth - For else his project dies - to keep thee living. [Sings in GONZALO'S ear] While you here do snoring lie, Open-ey'd Conspiracy His time doth take. If of life you keep a care, Shake off slumber, and beware. Awake! awake! ANTONIO. Then let us both be sudden. GONZALO. Now, good angels Preserve the King! [They wake] ALONSO. Why, how now! Ho, awake! Why are you drawn? Wherefore this ghastly looking? GONZALO. What's the matter? SEBASTIAN. Whiles we stood here securing your repose, Even now, we heard a hollow burst of bellowing Like bulls, or rather lions; did't not wake you? It struck mine ear most terribly. ALONSO. I heard nothing. ANTONIO. O! 'twas a din to fright a monster's ear, To make an earthquake: sure it was the roar Of a whole herd of lions. ALONSO. Heard you this, Gonzalo? GONZALO. Upon mine honour, sir, I heard a humming, And that a strange one too, which did awake me. I shak'd you, sir, and cried; as mine eyes open'd, I saw their weapons drawn: - there was a noise, That's verily. 'Tis best we stand upon our guard, Or that we quit this place: let's draw our weapons. ALONSO. Lead off this ground: and let's make further search For my poor son. GONZALO. Heavens keep him from these beasts! For he is, sure, i' th' island. ALONSO. Lead away. [Exit with the others.] ARIEL. Prospero my lord shall know what I have done: So, King, go safely on to seek thy son. [Exit] SCENE II. Another part of the island [Enter CALIBAN, with a burden of wood. A noise of thunder heard] CALIBAN. All the infections that the sun sucks up From bogs, fens, flats, on Prosper fall, and make him By inch-meal a disease! His spirits hear me, And yet I needs must curse. But they'll nor pinch, Fright me with urchin-shows, pitch me i' the mire, Nor lead me, like a firebrand, in the dark Out of my way, unless he bid 'em; but For every trifle are they set upon me: Sometime like apes that mow and chatter at me, And after bite me; then like hedge-hogs which Lie tumbling in my bare-foot way, and mount Their pricks at my foot-fall; sometime am I All wound with adders, who with cloven tongues Do hiss me into madness. - [Enter TRINCULO] Lo, now, lo! Here comes a spirit of his, and to torment me For bringing wood in slowly. I'll fall flat; Perchance he will not mind me. TRINCULO. Here's neither bush nor shrub to bear off any weather at all, and another storm brewing; I hear it sing i' th' wind; yond same black cloud, yond huge one, looks like a foul bombard that would shed his liquor. If it should thunder as it did before, I know not where to hide my head: yond same cloud cannot choose but fall by pailfuls. - What have we here? a man or a fish? dead or alive? A fish: he smells like a fish: a very ancient and fish-like smell; a kind of not of the newest Poor-John. A strange fish! Were I in England now, - as once I was, and had but this fish painted, not a holiday fool there but would give a piece of silver: there would this monster make a man; any strange beast there makes a man. When they will not give a doit to relieve a lame beggar, they will lay out ten to see a dead Indian. Legg'd like a man, and his fins like arms! Warm, o' my troth! I do now let loose my opinion: hold it no longer; this is no fish, but an islander, that hath lately suffered by thunderbolt. [Thunder] Alas, the storm is come again! My best way is to creep under his gaberdine; there is no other shelter hereabout: misery acquaints a man with strange bed-fellows. I will here shroud till the dregs of the storm be past. [Enter STEPHANO singing; a bottle in his hand] STEPHANO. I shall no more to sea, to sea, Here shall I die a-shore: - This is a very scurvy tune to sing at a man's funeral: Well, here's my comfort. [Drinks] The master, the swabber, the boatswain, and I, The gunner, and his mate, Lov'd Mall, Meg, and Marian, and Margery, But none of us car'd for Kate: For she had a tongue with a tang, Would cry to a sailor 'Go hang!' She lov'd not the savour of tar nor of pitch, Yet a tailor might scratch her wher-e'er she did itch. Then to sea, boys, and let her go hang. This is a scurvy tune too: but here's my comfort. [Drinks] CALIBAN. Do not torment me: O! STEPHANO. What's the matter? Have we devils here? Do you put tricks upon us with savages and men of Ind? Ha! I have not 'scaped drowning, to be afeard now of your four legs; for it hath been said, As proper a man as ever went on four legs cannot make him give ground: and it shall be said so again, while Stephano breathes at 's nostrils. CALIBAN. The spirit torments me: O! STEPHANO. This is some monster of the isle with four legs, who hath got, as I take it, an ague. Where the devil should he learn our language? I will give him some relief, if it be but for that; if I can recover him and keep him tame and get to Naples with him, he's a present for any emperor that ever trod on neat's-leather. CALIBAN. Do not torment me, prithee; I'll bring my wood home faster. STEPHANO. He's in his fit now and does not talk after the wisest. He shall taste of my bottle: if he have never drunk wine afore, it will go near to remove his fit. If I can recover him, and keep him tame, I will not take too much for him: he shall pay for him that hath him, and that soundly. CALIBAN. Thou dost me yet but little hurt; thou wilt anon, I know it by thy trembling: now Prosper works upon thee. STEPHANO. Come on your ways: open your mouth; here is that which will give language to you, cat. Open your mouth: this will shake your shaking, I can tell you, and that soundly [gives CALIBAN a drink]: you cannot tell who's your friend: open your chaps again. TRINCULO. I should know that voice: it should be - but he is drowned; and these are devils. O! defend me. STEPHANO. Four legs and two voices; a most delicate monster! His forward voice now is to speak well of his friend; his backward voice is to utter foul speeches, and to detract. If all the wine in my bottle will recover him, I will help his ague. Come. Amen! I will pour some in thy other mouth. TRINCULO. Stephano! STEPHANO. Doth thy other mouth call me? Mercy! mercy! This is a devil, and no monster: I will leave him: I have no long spoon. TRINCULO. Stephano! - If thou beest Stephano, touch me, and speak to me; for I am Trinculo: - be not afeared - thy good friend Trinculo. STEPHANO. If thou beest Trinculo, come forth. I'll pull thee by the lesser legs: if any be Trinculo's legs, these are they. Thou art very Trinculo indeed! How cam'st thou to be the siege of this moon-calf? Can he vent Trinculos? TRINCULO. I took him to be kill'd with a thunderstroke. But art thou not drown'd, Stephano? I hope now thou are not drown'd. Is the storm overblown? I hid me under the dead moon-calf's gaberdine for fear of the storm. And art thou living, Stephano? O Stephano, two Neapolitans 'scaped! STEPHANO. Prithee, do not turn me about: my stomach is not constant. CALIBAN. [Aside] These be fine things, an if they be not sprites. That's a brave god, and bears celestial liquor; I will kneel to him. STEPHANO. How didst thou 'scape? How cam'st thou hither? swear by this bottle how thou cam'st hither - I escaped upon a butt of sack, which the sailors heaved overboard, by this bottle! which I made of the bark of a tree, with mine own hands, since I was cast ashore. CALIBAN. I'll swear upon that bottle to be thy true subject, for the liquor is not earthly. STEPHANO. Here: swear then how thou escapedst. TRINCULO. Swum ashore, man, like a duck: I can swim like a duck, I'll be sworn. STEPHANO. [Passing the bottle] Here, kiss the book [gives TRINCULO a drink]. Though thou canst swim like a duck, thou art made like a goose. TRINCULO. O Stephano! hast any more of this? STEPHANO. The whole butt, man: my cellar is in a rock by the seaside, where my wine is hid. How now, moon-calf! How does thine ague? CALIBAN. Hast thou not dropped from heaven? STEPHANO. Out o' the moon, I do assure thee: I was the Man in the Moon, when time was. CALIBAN. I have seen thee in her, and I do adore thee, my mistress showed me thee, and thy dog and thy bush. STEPHANO. Come, swear to that; kiss the book; I will furnish it anon with new contents; swear. TRINCULO. By this good light, this is a very shallow monster. - I afeard of him! - A very weak monster. - The Man i' the Moon! A most poor credulous monster! - Well drawn, monster, in good sooth! CALIBAN. I'll show thee every fertile inch o' the island; And I will kiss thy foot. I prithee, be my god. TRINCULO. By this light, a most perfidious and drunken monster: when his god's asleep, he'll rob his bottle. CALIBAN. I'll kiss thy foot: I'll swear myself thy subject. STEPHANO. Come on, then; down, and swear. TRINCULO. I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed monster. A most scurvy monster! I could find in my heart to beat him, - STEPHANO. Come, kiss. TRINCULO. But that the poor monster's in drink: an abominable monster! CALIBAN. I'll show thee the best springs; I'll pluck thee berries; I'll fish for thee, and get thee wood enough. A plague upon the tyrant that I serve! I'll bear him no more sticks, but follow thee, Thou wondrous man. TRINCULO. A most ridiculous monster, to make a wonder of a poor drunkard! CALIBAN. I prithee, let me bring thee where crabs grow; And I with my long nails will dig thee pig-nuts; Show thee a jay's nest, and instruct thee how To snare the nimble marmozet; I'll bring thee To clust'ring filberts, and sometimes I'll get thee Young scamels from the rock. Wilt thou go with me? STEPHANO. I prithee now, lead the way without any more talking - Trinculo, the king and all our company else being drowned, we will inherit here. - Here, bear my bottle. - Fellow Trinculo, we'll fill him by and by again. CALIBAN. Farewell, master; farewell, farewell! [Sings drunkenly] TRINCULO. A howling monster, a drunken monster. CALIBAN. No more dams I'll make for fish; Nor fetch in firing At requiring, Nor scrape trenchering, nor wash dish; 'Ban 'Ban, Ca - Caliban, Has a new master - Get a new man. Freedom, high-day! high-day, freedom! freedom, high-day, freedom! STEPHANO. O brave monster! lead the way. [Exeunt] ACT 3 SCENE I. Before PROSPERO'S cell [Enter FERDINAND, bearing a log.] FERDINAND. There be some sports are painful, and their labour Delight in them sets off: some kinds of baseness Are nobly undergone, and most poor matters Point to rich ends. This my mean task Would be as heavy to me as odious; but The mistress which I serve quickens what's dead, And makes my labours pleasures: O! she is Ten times more gentle than her father's crabbed, And he's compos'd of harshness. I must remove Some thousands of these logs, and pile them up, Upon a sore injunction: my sweet mistress Weeps when she sees me work, and says such baseness Had never like executor. I forget: But these sweet thoughts do even refresh my labours, Most busy, least when I do it. [Enter MIRANDA: and PROSPERO behind.] MIRANDA. Alas! now pray you, Work not so hard: I would the lightning had Burnt up those logs that you are enjoin'd to pile! Pray, set it down and rest you: when this burns, 'Twill weep for having wearied you. My father Is hard at study; pray, now, rest yourself: He's safe for these three hours. FERDINAND. O most dear mistress, The sun will set, before I shall discharge What I must strive to do. MIRANDA. If you'll sit down, I'll bear your logs the while. Pray give me that; I'll carry it to the pile. FERDINAND. No, precious creature: I had rather crack my sinews, break my back, Than you should such dishonour undergo, While I sit lazy by. MIRANDA. It would become me As well as it does you: and I should do it With much more ease; for my good will is to it, And yours it is against. PROSPERO. [Aside] Poor worm! thou art infected: This visitation shows it. MIRANDA. You look wearily. FERDINAND. No, noble mistress; 'tis fresh morning with me When you are by at night. I do beseech you - Chiefly that I might set it in my prayers - What is your name? MIRANDA. Miranda - O my father! I have broke your hest to say so. FERDINAND. Admir'd Miranda! Indeed, the top of admiration; worth What's dearest to the world! Full many a lady I have ey'd with best regard, and many a time The harmony of their tongues hath into bondage Brought my too diligent ear: for several virtues Have I lik'd several women; never any With so full soul but some defect in her Did quarrel with the noblest grace she ow'd, And put it to the foil: but you, O you! So perfect and so peerless, are created Of every creature's best. MIRANDA. I do not know One of my sex; no woman's face remember, Save, from my glass, mine own; nor have I seen More that I may call men than you, good friend, And my dear father: how features are abroad, I am skill-less of; but, by my modesty, - The jewel in my dower, - I would not wish Any companion in the world but you; Nor can imagination form a shape, Besides yourself, to like of. But I prattle Something too wildly, and my father's precepts I therein do forget. FERDINAND. I am, in my condition, A prince, Miranda; I do think, a king; - I would not so! - and would no more endure This wooden slavery than to suffer The flesh-fly blow my mouth. - Hear my soul speak: - The very instant that I saw you, did My heart fly to your service; there resides, To make me slave to it; and for your sake Am I this patient log-man. MIRANDA. Do you love me? FERDINAND. O heaven! O earth! bear witness to this sound, And crown what I profess with kind event, If I speak true: if hollowly, invert What best is boded me to mischief! I, Beyond all limit of what else i' the world, Do love, prize, honour you. MIRANDA. I am a fool To weep at what I am glad of. PROSPERO. [Aside] Fair encounter Of two most rare affections! Heavens rain grace On that which breeds between them! FERDINAND. Wherefore weep you? MIRANDA. At mine unworthiness, that dare not offer What I desire to give; and much less take What I shall die to want. But this is trifling; And all the more it seeks to hide itself, The bigger bulk it shows. Hence, bashful cunning! And prompt me, plain and holy innocence! I am your wife, if you will marry me; If not, I'll die your maid: to be your fellow You may deny me; but I'll be your servant, Whether you will or no. FERDINAND. My mistress, dearest; And I thus humble ever. MIRANDA. My husband, then? FERDINAND. Ay, with a heart as willing As bondage e'er of freedom: here's my hand. MIRANDA. And mine, with my heart in't: and now farewell Till half an hour hence. FERDINAND. A thousand thousand! [Exeunt FERDINAND and MIRANDA severally.] PROSPERO. So glad of this as they, I cannot be, Who are surpris'd withal; but my rejoicing At nothing can be more. I'll to my book; For yet, ere supper time, must I perform Much business appertaining. [Exit] SCENE II. Another part of the island [Enter CALIBAN, with a bottle, STEPHANO, and TRINCULO.] STEPHANO. Tell not me: - when the butt is out we will drink water; not a drop before: therefore bear up, and board 'em. - Servant-monster, drink to me. TRINCULO. Servant-monster! The folly of this island! They say there's but five upon this isle; we are three of them; if th' other two be brained like us, the state totters. STEPHANO. Drink, servant-monster, when I bid thee: thy eyes are almost set in thy head. TRINCULO. Where should they be set else? He were a brave monster indeed, if they were set in his tail. STEPHANO. My man-monster hath drown'd his tongue in sack: for my part, the sea cannot drown me; I swam, ere I could recover the shore, five-and-thirty leagues, off and on, by this light. Thou shalt be my lieutenant, monster, or my standard. TRINCULO. Your lieutenant, if you list; he's no standard. STEPHANO. We'll not run, Monsieur monster. TRINCULO. Nor go neither: but you'll lie like dogs, and yet say nothing neither. STEPHANO. Moon-calf, speak once in thy life, if thou beest a good moon-calf. CALIBAN. How does thy honour? Let me lick thy shoe. I'll not serve him: he is not valiant. TRINCULO. Thou liest, most ignorant monster: I am in case to justle a constable. Why, thou deboshed fish thou, was there ever man a coward that hath drunk so much sack as I to-day? Wilt thou tell a monstrous lie, being but half fish and half a monster? CALIBAN. Lo, how he mocks me! wilt thou let him, my lord? TRINCULO. 'Lord' quoth he! - That a monster should be such a natural! CALIBAN. Lo, lo again! bite him to death, I prithee. STEPHANO. Trinculo, keep a good tongue in your head: if you prove a mutineer, the next tree! The poor monster's my subject, and he shall not suffer indignity. CALIBAN. I thank my noble lord. Wilt thou be pleas'd to hearken once again to the suit I made to thee? STEPHANO. Marry will I; kneel, and repeat it: I will stand, and so shall Trinculo. [Enter ARIEL, invisible] CALIBAN. As I told thee before, I am subject to a tyrant, sorcerer, that by his cunning hath cheated me of the island. ARIEL. Thou liest. CALIBAN. Thou liest, thou jesting monkey, thou; I would my valiant master would destroy thee; I do not lie. STEPHANO. Trinculo, if you trouble him any more in his tale, by this hand, I will supplant some of your teeth. TRINCULO. Why, I said nothing. STEPHANO. Mum, then, and no more. - [To CALIBAN] Proceed. CALIBAN. I say, by sorcery he got this isle; From me he got it: if thy greatness will , Revenge it on him, - for I know, thou dar'st; But this thing dare not, - STEPHANO. That's most certain. CALIBAN. Thou shalt be lord of it and I'll serve thee. STEPHANO. How now shall this be compassed? Canst thou bring me to the party? CALIBAN. Yea, yea, my lord: I'll yield him thee asleep, Where thou may'st knock a nail into his head. ARIEL. Thou liest: thou canst not. CALIBAN. What a pied ninny's this! Thou scurvy patch! - I do beseech thy greatness, give him blows, And take his bottle from him: when that's gone He shall drink nought but brine; for I'll not show him Where the quick freshes are. STEPHANO. Trinculo, run into no further danger: interrupt the monster one word further and, by this hand, I'll turn my mercy out o' doors, and make a stock-fish of thee. TRINCULO. Why, what did I? I did nothing. I'll go farther off. STEPHANO. Didst thou not say he lied? ARIEL. Thou liest. STEPHANO. Do I so? Take thou that. [Strikes TRINCULO.] As you like this, give me the lie another time. TRINCULO. I did not give the lie: - out o' your wits and hearing too? - A pox o' your bottle! this can sack and drinking do. - A murrain on your monster, and the devil take your fingers! CALIBAN. Ha, ha, ha! STEPHANO. Now, forward with your tale. - Prithee stand further off. CALIBAN. Beat him enough: after a little time, I'll beat him too. STEPHANO. Stand farther. - Come, proceed. CALIBAN. Why, as I told thee, 'tis a custom with him I' th' afternoon to sleep: there thou may'st brain him, Having first seiz'd his books; or with a log Batter his skull, or paunch him with a stake, Or cut his wezand with thy knife. Remember First to possess his books; for without them He's but a sot, as I am, nor hath not One spirit to command: they all do hate him As rootedly as I. Burn but his books; He has brave utensils, - for so he calls them, - Which, when he has a house, he'll deck withal: And that most deeply to consider is The beauty of his daughter; he himself Calls her a nonpareil: I never saw a woman But only Sycorax my dam and she; But she as far surpasseth Sycorax As great'st does least. STEPHANO. Is it so brave a lass? CALIBAN. Ay, lord: she will become thy bed, I warrant, And bring thee forth brave brood. STEPHANO. Monster, I will kill this man; his daughter and I will be king and queen, - save our graces! - and Trinculo and thyself shall be viceroys. Dost thou like the plot, Trinculo? TRINCULO. Excellent. STEPHANO. Give me thy hand: I am sorry I beat thee; but while thou livest, keep a good tongue in thy head. CALIBAN. Within this half hour will he be asleep; Wilt thou destroy him then? STEPHANO. Ay, on mine honour. ARIEL. This will I tell my master. CALIBAN. Thou mak'st me merry: I am full of pleasure. Let us be jocund: will you troll the catch You taught me but while-ere? STEPHANO. At thy request, monster, I will do reason, any reason. Come on, Trinculo, let us sing. [Sings] Flout 'em and scout 'em; and scout 'em and flout 'em: Thought is free. CALIBAN. That's not the tune. [ARIEL plays the tune on a Tabor and Pipe.] STEPHANO. What is this same? TRINCULO. This is the tune of our catch, played by the picture of Nobody. STEPHANO. If thou beest a man, show thyself in thy likeness: if thou beest a devil, take't as thou list. TRINCULO. O, forgive me my sins! STEPHANO. He that dies pays all debts: I defy thee. - Mercy upon us! CALIBAN. Art thou afeard? STEPHANO. No, monster, not I. CALIBAN. Be not afeard: the isle is full of noises, Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight, and hurt not. Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments Will hum about mine ears; and sometimes voices, That, if I then had wak'd after long sleep, Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming, The clouds methought would open and show riches Ready to drop upon me; that, when I wak'd, I cried to dream again. STEPHANO. This will prove a brave kingdom to me, where I shall have my music for nothing. CALIBAN. When Prospero is destroyed. STEPHANO. That shall be by and by: I remember the story. TRINCULO. The sound is going away: let's follow it, and after do our work. STEPHANO. Lead, monster: we'll follow. - I would I could see this taborer! he lays it on. Wilt come? TRINCULO. I'll follow, Stephano. [Exeunt] SCENE III. Another part of the island [Enter ALONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONIO, GONZALO, ADRIAN, FRANCISCO, and OTHERS.] GONZALO. By'r lakin, I can go no further, sir; My old bones ache: here's a maze trod, indeed, Through forth-rights and meanders! By your patience, I needs must rest me. ALONSO. Old lord, I cannot blame thee, Who am myself attach'd with weariness To th' dulling of my spirits: sit down, and rest. Even here I will put off my hope, and keep it No longer for my flatterer: he is drown'd Whom thus we stray to find; and the sea mocks Our frustrate search on land. Well, let him go. ANTONIO. [Aside to SEBASTIAN] I am right glad that he's so out of hope. Do not, for one repulse, forgo the purpose That you resolv'd to effect. SEBASTIAN. [Aside to ANTONIO] The next advantage Will we take throughly. ANTONIO. [Aside to SEBASTIAN] Let it be to-night; For, now they are oppress'd with travel, they Will not, nor cannot, use such vigilance As when they are fresh. SEBASTIAN. [Aside to ANTONIO] I say, to-night: no more. [Solemn and strange music: and PROSPERO above, invisible. Enter several strange Shapes, bringing in a banquet: they dance about it with gentle actions of salutation; and inviting the KING, &c., to eat, they depart.] ALONSO. What harmony is this? my good friends, hark! GONZALO. Marvellous sweet music! ALONSO. Give us kind keepers, heavens! What were these? SEBASTIAN. A living drollery. Now I will believe That there are unicorns; that in Arabia There is one tree, the phoenix' throne; one phoenix At this hour reigning there. ANTONIO. I'll believe both; And what does else want credit, come to me, And I'll be sworn 'tis true: travellers ne'er did lie, Though fools at home condemn them. GONZALO. If in Naples I should report this now, would they believe me? If I should say, I saw such islanders, - For, certes, these are people of the island, - Who, though, they are of monstrous shape, yet, note, Their manners are more gentle-kind than of Our human generation you shall find Many, nay, almost any. PROSPERO. [Aside] Honest lord, Thou hast said well; for some of you there present Are worse than devils. ALONSO. I cannot too much muse Such shapes, such gesture, and such sound, expressing, - Although they want the use of tongue, - a kind Of excellent dumb discourse. PROSPERO. [Aside] Praise in departing. FRANCISCO. They vanish'd strangely. SEBASTIAN. No matter, since They have left their viands behind; for we have stomachs. - Will't please you taste of what is here? ALONSO. Not I. GONZALO. Faith, sir, you need not fear. When we were boys, Who would believe that there were mountaineers Dewlapp'd like bulls, whose throats had hanging at them Wallets of flesh? or that there were such men Whose heads stood in their breasts? which now we find Each putter-out of five for one will bring us Good warrant of. ALONSO. I will stand to, and feed, Although my last; no matter, since I feel The best is past. - Brother, my lord the duke, Stand to and do as we. [Thunder and lightning. Enter ARIEL, like a harpy; claps his wings upon the table; and, with a quaint device, the banquet vanishes] ARIEL. You are three men of sin, whom Destiny, That hath to instrument this lower world And what is in't, - the never-surfeited sea Hath caused to belch up you; and on this island Where man doth not inhabit; you 'mongst men Being most unfit to live. I have made you mad: [Seeing ALONSO, SEBASTIAN, &c., draw their swords] And even with such-like valour men hang and drown Their proper selves. You fools! I and my fellows Are ministers of fate: the elements Of whom your swords are temper'd may as well Wound the loud winds, or with bemock'd-at stabs Kill the still-closing waters, as diminish One dowle that's in my plume; my fellow-ministers Are like invulnerable. If you could hurt, Your swords are now too massy for your strengths, And will not be uplifted. But, remember - For that's my business to you, - that you three From Milan did supplant good Prospero; Expos'd unto the sea, which hath requit it, Him, and his innocent child: for which foul deed The powers, delaying, not forgetting, have Incens'd the seas and shores, yea, all the creatures, Against your peace. Thee of thy son, Alonso, They have bereft; and do pronounce, by me Lingering perdition, - worse than any death Can be at once, - shall step by step attend You and your ways; whose wraths to guard you from - Which here, in this most desolate isle, else falls Upon your heads, - is nothing but heart-sorrow, And a clear life ensuing. [He vanishes in thunder: then, to soft music, enter the Shapes again, and dance, with mocks and mows, and carry out the table] PROSPERO. [Aside] Bravely the figure of this harpy hast thou Perform'd, my Ariel; a grace it had, devouring; Of my instruction hast thou nothing bated In what thou hadst to say: so, with good life And observation strange, my meaner ministers Their several kinds have done. My high charms work, And these mine enemies are all knit up In their distractions; they now are in my power; And in these fits I leave them, while I visit Young Ferdinand, - whom they suppose is drown'd, - And his and mine lov'd darling. [Exit above] GONZALO. I' the name of something holy, sir, why stand you In this strange stare? ALONSO. O, it is monstrous! monstrous! Methought the billows spoke, and told me of it; The winds did sing it to me; and the thunder, That deep and dreadful organ-pipe, pronounc'd The name of Prosper: it did bass my trespass. Therefore my son i' th' ooze is bedded; and I'll seek him deeper than e'er plummet sounded, And with him there lie mudded. [Exit] SEBASTIAN. But one fiend at a time, I'll fight their legions o'er. ANTONIO. I'll be thy second. [Exeunt SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO] GONZALO. All three of them are desperate: their great guilt, Like poison given to work a great time after, Now 'gins to bite the spirits. I do beseech you That are of suppler joints, follow them swiftly And hinder them from what this ecstasy May now provoke them to. ADRIAN. Follow, I pray you. [Exeunt] ACT 4 SCENE I. Before PROSPERO'S cell [Enter PROSPERO! FERDINAND, and MIRANDA] PROSPERO. If I have too austerely punish'd you, Your compensation makes amends: for Have given you here a third of mine own life, Or that for which I live; who once again I tender to thy hand: all thy vexations Were but my trials of thy love, and thou Hast strangely stood the test: here, afore Heaven, I ratify this my rich gift. O Ferdinand! Do not smile at me that I boast her off, For thou shalt find she will outstrip all praise, And make it halt behind her. FERDINAND. I do believe it Against an oracle. PROSPERO. Then, as my gift and thine own acquisition Worthily purchas'd, take my daughter: but If thou dost break her virgin knot before All sanctimonious ceremonies may With full and holy rite be minister'd, No sweet aspersion shall the heavens let fall To make this contract grow; but barren hate, Sour-ey'd disdain, and discord, shall bestrew The union of your bed with weeds so loathly That you shall hate it both: therefore take heed, As Hymen's lamps shall light you. FERDINAND. As I hope For quiet days, fair issue, and long life, With such love as 'tis now, the murkiest den, The most opportune place, the strong'st suggestion Our worser genius can, shall never melt Mine honour into lust, to take away The edge of that day's celebration, When I shall think, or Phoebus' steeds are founder'd, Or Night kept chain'd below. PROSPERO. Fairly spoke: Sit, then, and talk with her, she is thine own. What, Ariel! my industrious servant, Ariel! [Enter ARIEL] ARIEL. What would my potent master? here I am. PROSPERO. Thou and thy meaner fellows your last service Did worthily perform; and I must use you In such another trick. Go bring the rabble, O'er whom I give thee power, here to this place; Incite them to quick motion; for I must Bestow upon the eyes of this young couple Some vanity of mine art: it is my promise, And they expect it from me. ARIEL. Presently? PROSPERO. Ay, with a twink. ARIEL. Before you can say 'Come' and 'Go,' And breathe twice; and cry 'so, so,' Each one, tripping on his toe, Will be here with mop and mow. Do you love me, master? no? PROSPERO. Dearly, my delicate Ariel. Do not approach Till thou dost hear me call. ARIEL. Well, I conceive. [Exit] PROSPERO. Look, thou be true; do not give dalliance Too much the rein: the strongest oaths are straw To th' fire i' the blood: be more abstemious, Or else good night your vow! FERDINAND. I warrant you, sir; The white-cold virgin snow upon my heart Abates the ardour of my liver. PROSPERO. Well. - Now come, my Ariel! bring a corollary, Rather than want a spirit: appear, and pertly. No tongue! all eyes! be silent. [Soft music] [A Masque. Enter IRIS] IRIS. Ceres, most bounteous lady, thy rich leas Of wheat, rye, barley, vetches, oats, and peas; Thy turfy mountains, where live nibbling sheep, And flat meads thatch'd with stover, them to keep; Thy banks with pioned and twilled brims, Which spongy April at thy hest betrims, To make cold nymphs chaste crowns; and thy broom groves, Whose shadow the dismissed bachelor loves, Being lass-lorn: thy pole-clipt vineyard; And thy sea-marge, sterile and rocky-hard, Where thou thyself dost air: the Queen o' the sky, Whose watery arch and messenger am I, Bids thee leave these; and with her sovereign grace, Here on this grass-plot, in this very place, To come and sport; her peacocks fly amain: Approach, rich Ceres, her to entertain. [Enter CERES] CERES. Hail, many-colour'd messenger, that ne'er Dost disobey the wife of Jupiter; Who with thy saffron wings upon my flowers Diffusest honey drops, refreshing showers: And with each end of thy blue bow dost crown My bosky acres and my unshrubb'd down, Rich scarf to my proud earth; why hath thy queen Summon'd me hither to this short-grass'd green? IRIS. A contract of true love to celebrate, And some donation freely to estate On the blest lovers. CERES. Tell me, heavenly bow, If Venus or her son, as thou dost know, Do now attend the queen? Since they did plot The means that dusky Dis my daughter got, Her and her blind boy's scandal'd company I have forsworn. IRIS. Of her society Be not afraid. I met her deity Cutting the clouds towards Paphos and her son Dove-drawn with her. Here thought they to have done Some wanton charm upon this man and maid, Whose vows are, that no bed-rite shall be paid Till Hymen's torch be lighted; but in vain. Mars's hot minion is return'd again; Her waspish-headed son has broke his arrows, Swears he will shoot no more, but play with sparrows, And be a boy right out. CERES. Highest Queen of State, Great Juno comes; I know her by her gait. [Enter JUNO.] JUNO. How does my bounteous sister? Go with me To bless this twain, that they may prosperous be, And honour'd in their issue. SONG JUNO. Honour, riches, marriage-blessing, Long continuance, and increasing, Hourly joys be still upon you! Juno sings her blessings on you. CERES. Earth's increase, foison plenty, Barns and gamers never empty; Vines with clust'ring bunches growing; Plants with goodly burden bowing; Spring come to you at the farthest, In the very end of harvest! Scarcity and want shall shun you; Ceres' blessing so is on you. FERDINAND. This is a most majestic vision, and Harmonious charmingly; may I be bold To think these spirits? PROSPERO. Spirits, which by mine art I have from their confines call'd to enact My present fancies. FERDINAND. Let me live here ever: So rare a wonder'd father and a wise, Makes this place Paradise. [JUNO and CERES whisper, and send IRIS on employment.] PROSPERO. Sweet now, silence! Juno and Ceres whisper seriously, There's something else to do: hush, and be mute, Or else our spell is marr'd. IRIS. You nymphs, call'd Naiads, of the windring brooks, With your sedg'd crowns and ever-harmless looks, Leave your crisp channels, and on this green land Answer your summons: Juno does command. Come, temperate nymphs, and help to celebrate A contract of true love: be not too late. [Enter certain NYMPHS] You sun-burn'd sicklemen, of August weary, Come hither from the furrow, and be merry: Make holiday: your rye-straw hats put on, And these fresh nymphs encounter every one In country footing. [Enter certain Reapers, properly habited: they join] with the Nymphs in a graceful dance; towards the end whereof PROSPERO starts suddenly, and speaks; after which, to a strange, hollow, and confused noise, they heavily vanish.] PROSPERO. [Aside] I had forgot that foul conspiracy Of the beast Caliban and his confederates Against my life: the minute of their plot Is almost come. [To the Spirits.] Well done! avoid; no more! FERDINAND. This is strange: your father's in some passion That works him strongly. MIRANDA. Never till this day Saw I him touch'd with anger so distemper'd. PROSPERO. You do look, my son, in a mov'd sort, As if you were dismay'd: be cheerful, sir: Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits and Are melted into air, into thin air: And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep. - Sir, I am vex'd: Bear with my weakness; my old brain is troubled. Be not disturb'd with my infirmity. If you be pleas'd, retire into my cell And there repose: a turn or two I'll walk, To still my beating mind. FERDINAND, MIRANDA. We wish your peace. [Exeunt.] PROSPERO. Come, with a thought. - [To them.] I thank thee: Ariel, come! [Enter ARIEL.] ARIEL. Thy thoughts I cleave to. What's thy pleasure? PROSPERO. Spirit, We must prepare to meet with Caliban. ARIEL. Ay, my commander; when I presented Ceres, I thought to have told thee of it: but I fear'd Lest I might anger thee. PROSPERO. Say again, where didst thou leave these varlets? ARIEL. I told you, sir, they were red-hot with drinking; So full of valour that they smote the air For breathing in their faces; beat the ground For kissing of their feet; yet always bending Towards their project. Then I beat my tabor; At which, like unback'd colts, they prick'd their ears, Advanc'd their eyelids, lifted up their noses As they smelt music: so I charm'd their ears, That calf-like they my lowing follow'd through Tooth'd briers, sharp furzes, pricking goss and thorns, Which enter'd their frail shins: at last I left them I' the filthy-mantled pool beyond your cell, There dancing up to the chins, that the foul lake O'erstunk their feet. PROSPERO. This was well done, my bird. Thy shape invisible retain thou still: The trumpery in my house, go bring it hither For stale to catch these thieves. ARIEL. I go, I go. [Exit] PROSPERO. A devil, a born devil, on whose nature Nurture can never stick; on whom my pains, Humanely taken, all, all lost, quite lost; And as with age his body uglier grows, So his mind cankers. I will plague them all, Even to roaring. [Re-enter ARIEL, loaden with glistering apparel, &c.] Come, hang them on this line. [PROSPERO and ARIEL remain invisible. Enter CALIBAN, STEPHANO, and TRINCULO, all wet] CALIBAN. Pray you, tread softly, that the blind mole may not Hear a foot fall: we now are near his cell. STEPHANO. Monster, your fairy, which you say is a harmless fairy, has done little better than played the Jack with us. TRINCULO. Monster, I do smell all horse-piss; at which my nose is in great indignation. STEPHANO. So is mine. - Do you hear, monster? If I should take a displeasure against you, look you, - TRINCULO. Thou wert but a lost monster. CALIBAN. Good my lord, give me thy favour still: Be patient, for the prize I'll bring thee to Shall hoodwink this mischance: therefore speak softly; All's hush'd as midnight yet. TRINCULO. Ay, but to lose our bottles in the pool! - STEPHANO. There is not only disgrace and dishonour in that, monster, but an infinite loss. TRINCULO. That's more to me than my wetting: yet this is your harmless fairy, monster. STEPHANO. I will fetch off my bottle, though I be o'er ears for my labour. CALIBAN. Prithee, my king, be quiet. Seest thou here, This is the mouth o' the cell: no noise, and enter. Do that good mischief which may make this island Thine own for ever, and I, thy Caliban, For aye thy foot-licker. STEPHANO. Give me thy hand: I do begin to have bloody thoughts. TRINCULO. O King Stephano! O peer! O worthy Stephano! Look what a wardrobe here is for thee! CALIBAN. Let it alone, thou fool; it is but trash. TRINCULO. O, ho, monster! we know what belongs to a frippery. - O King Stephano! STEPHANO. Put off that gown, Trinculo; by this hand, I'll have that gown. TRINCULO. Thy Grace shall have it. CALIBAN. The dropsy drown this fool! What do you mean To dote thus on such luggage? Let's along, And do the murder first. If he awake, From toe to crown he'll fill our skins with pinches; Make us strange stuff. STEPHANO. Be you quiet, monster. - Mistress line, is not this my jerkin? Now is the jerkin under the line: now, jerkin, you are like to lose your hair, and prove a bald jerkin. TRINCULO. Do, do: we steal by line and level, an't like your Grace. STEPHANO. I thank thee for that jest: here's a garment for't: wit shall not go unrewarded while I am king of this country: 'Steal by line and level,' is an excellent pass of pate: there's another garmet for't. TRINCULO. Monster, come, put some lime upon your fingers, and away with the rest. CALIBAN. I will have none on't. We shall lose our time, And all be turn'd to barnacles, or to apes With foreheads villainous low. STEPHANO. Monster, lay-to your fingers: help to bear this away where my hogshead of wine is, or I'll turn you out of my kingdom. Go to; carry this. TRINCULO. And this. STEPHANO. Ay, and this. [A noise of hunters beard. Enter divers Spirits, in shape of hounds, and hunt them about; PROSPERO and ARIEL setting them on] PROSPERO. Hey, Mountain, hey! ARIEL. Silver! there it goes, Silver! PROSPERO. Fury, Fury! There, Tyrant, there! hark, hark! [CALIBAN, STEPHANO, and TRINCULO are driven out.] Go, charge my goblins that they grind their joints With dry convulsions; shorten up their sinews With aged cramps, and more pinch-spotted make them Than pard, or cat o' mountain. ARIEL. Hark, they roar. PROSPERO. Let them be hunted soundly. At this hour Lies at my mercy all mine enemies; Shortly shall all my labours end, and thou Shalt have the air at freedom;for a little Follow, and do me service. [Exeunt] ACT 5 SCENE I. Before the cell of PROSPERO. [Enter PROSPERO in his magic robes; and ARIEL.] PROSPERO. Now does my project gather to a head: My charms crack not; my spirits obey, and time Goes upright with his carriage. How's the day? ARIEL. On the sixth hour; at which time, my lord, You said our work should cease. PROSPERO. I did say so, When first I rais'd the tempest. Say, my spirit, How fares the King and 's followers? ARIEL. Confin'd together In the same fashion as you gave in charge; Just as you left them: all prisoners, sir, In the line-grove which weather-fends your cell; They cannot budge till your release. The king, His brother, and yours, abide all three distracted, And the remainder mourning over them, Brim full of sorrow and dismay; but chiefly Him you term'd, sir, 'the good old lord, Gonzalo': His tears run down his beard, like winter's drops From eaves of reeds; your charm so strongly works them, That if you now beheld them, your affections Would become tender. PROSPERO. Dost thou think so, spirit? ARIEL. Mine would, sir, were I human. PROSPERO. And mine shall. Hast thou, which art but air, a touch, a feeling Of their afflictions, and shall not myself, One of their kind, that relish all as sharply, Passion as they, be kindlier mov'd than thou art? Though with their high wrongs I am struck to the quick, Yet with my nobler reason 'gainst my fury Do I take part: the rarer action is In virtue than in vengeance: they being penitent, The sole drift of my purpose doth extend Not a frown further. Go release them, Ariel. My charms I'll break, their senses I'll restore, And they shall be themselves. ARIEL. I'll fetch them, sir. [Exit.] PROSPERO. Ye elves of hills, brooks, standing lakes, and groves; And ye that on the sands with printless foot Do chase the ebbing Neptune, and do fly him When he comes back; you demi-puppets that By moonshine do the green sour ringlets make, Whereof the ewe not bites; and you whose pastime Is to make midnight mushrooms, that rejoice To hear the solemn curfew; by whose aid, - Weak masters though ye be, - I have bedimm'd The noontide sun, call'd forth the mutinous winds, And 'twixt the green sea and the azur'd vault Set roaring war: to the dread rattling thunder Have I given fire, and rifted Jove's stout oak With his own bolt: the strong-bas'd promontory Have I made shake; and by the spurs pluck'd up The pine and cedar: graves at my command Have wak'd their sleepers, op'd, and let them forth By my so potent art. But this rough magic I here abjure; and, when I have requir'd Some heavenly music, - which even now I do, - To work mine end upon their senses that This airy charm is for, I'll break my staff, Bury it certain fathoms in the earth, And deeper than did ever plummet sound I'll drown my book. [Solem music] [Re-enter ARIEL: after him, ALONSO, with frantic gesture, attended by GONZALO; SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO in like manner, attended by ADRIAN and FRANCISCO: they all enter the circle which PROSPERO had made, and there stand charmed: which PROSPERO observing, speaks.] A solemn air, and the best comforter To an unsettled fancy, cure thy brains, Now useless, boil'd within thy skull! There stand, For you are spell-stopp'd. Holy Gonzalo, honourable man, Mine eyes, even sociable to the show of thine, Fall fellowly drops. The charm dissolves apace; And as the morning steals upon the night, Melting the darkness, so their rising senses Begin to chase the ignorant fumes that mantle Their clearer reason. - O good Gonzalo! My true preserver, and a loyal sir To him thou follow'st, I will pay thy graces Home, both in word and deed. - Most cruelly Didst thou, Alonso, use me and my daughter: Thy brother was a furtherer in the act; - Thou'rt pinch'd for't now, Sebastian. - Flesh and blood, You, brother mine, that entertain'd ambition, Expell'd remorse and nature, who, with Sebastian, - Whose inward pinches therefore are most strong, - Would here have kill'd your king; I do forgive thee, Unnatural though thou art! Their understanding Begins to swell, and the approaching tide Will shortly fill the reasonable shores That now lie foul and muddy. Not one of them That yet looks on me, or would know me. - Ariel, Fetch me the hat and rapier in my cell: - [Exit ARIEL] I will discase me, and myself present, As I was sometime Milan. - Quickly, spirit; Thou shalt ere long be free. [ARIEL re-enters, singing, and helps to attire PROSPERO.] ARIEL Where the bee sucks, there suck I: In a cowslip's bell I lie; There I couch when owls do cry. On the bat's back I do fly After summer merrily: Merrily, merrily shall I live now Under the blossom that hangs on the bough. PROSPERO. Why, that's my dainty Ariel! I shall miss thee; But yet thou shalt have freedom; - so, so, so. - To the king's ship, invisible as thou art: There shalt thou find the mariners asleep Under the hatches; the master and the boatswain Being awake, enforce them to this place, And presently, I prithee. ARIEL. I drink the air before me, and return Or ere your pulse twice beat. [Exit] GONZALO. All torment, trouble, wonder and amazement Inhabits here. Some heavenly power guide us Out of this fearful country! PROSPERO. Behold, sir king, The wronged Duke of Milan, Prospero. For more assurance that a living prince Does now speak to thee, I embrace thy body; And to thee and thy company I bid A hearty welcome. ALONSO. Whe'er thou be'st he or no, Or some enchanted trifle to abuse me, As late I have been, I not know: thy pulse Beats, as of flesh and blood; and, since I saw thee, Th' affliction of my mind amends, with which, I fear, a madness held me: this must crave, - An if this be at all - a most strange story. Thy dukedom I resign, and do entreat Thou pardon me my wrongs. - But how should Prospero Be living and be here? PROSPERO. First, noble friend, Let me embrace thine age; whose honour cannot Be measur'd or confin'd. GONZALO. Whether this be Or be not, I'll not swear. PROSPERO. You do yet taste Some subtleties o' the isle, that will not let you Believe things certain. - Welcome, my friends all: - [Aside to SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO] But you, my brace of lords, were I so minded, I here could pluck his highness' frown upon you, And justify you traitors: at this time I will tell no tales. SEBASTIAN. [Aside] The devil speaks in him. PROSPERO. No. For you, most wicked sir, whom to call brother Would even infect my mouth, I do forgive Thy rankest fault; all of them; and require My dukedom of thee, which, perforce, I know Thou must restore. ALONSO. If thou beest Prospero, Give us particulars of thy preservation; How thou hast met us here, whom three hours since Were wrack'd upon this shore; where I have lost, - How sharp the point of this remembrance is! - My dear son Ferdinand. PROSPERO. I am woe for't, sir. ALONSO. Irreparable is the loss, and patience Says it is past her cure. PROSPERO. I rather think You have not sought her help; of whose soft grace, For the like loss I have her sovereign aid, And rest myself content. ALONSO. You the like loss! PROSPERO. As great to me, as late; and, supportable To make the dear loss, have I means much weaker Than you may call to comfort you, for I Have lost my daughter. ALONSO. A daughter? O heavens! that they were living both in Naples, The king and queen there! That they were, I wish Myself were mudded in that oozy bed Where my son lies. When did you lose your daughter? PROSPERO. In this last tempest. I perceive, these lords At this encounter do so much admire That they devour their reason, and scarce think Their eyes do offices of truth, their words Are natural breath; but, howsoe'er you have Been justled from your senses, know for certain That I am Prospero, and that very duke Which was thrust forth of Milan; who most strangely Upon this shore, where you were wrack'd, was landed To be the lord on't. No more yet of this; For 'tis a chronicle of day by day, Not a relation for a breakfast nor Befitting this first meeting. Welcome, sir: This cell's my court: here have I few attendants And subjects none abroad: pray you, look in. My dukedom since you have given me again, I will requite you with as good a thing; At least bring forth a wonder, to content ye As much as me my dukedom. [The entrance of the Cell opens, and discovers FERDINAND and MIRANDA playing at chess.] MIRANDA. Sweet lord, you play me false. FERDINAND. No, my dearest love, I would not for the world. MIRANDA. Yes, for a score of kingdoms you should wrangle, And I would call it fair play. ALONSO. If this prove A vision of the island, one dear son Shall I twice lose. SEBASTIAN. A most high miracle! FERDINAND. Though the seas threaten, they are merciful: I have curs'd them without cause. [Kneels to ALONSO.] ALONSO. Now all the blessings Of a glad father compass thee about! Arise, and say how thou cam'st here. MIRANDA. O, wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world That has such people in't! PROSPERO. 'Tis new to thee. ALONSO. What is this maid, with whom thou wast at play? Your eld'st acquaintance cannot be three hours: Is she the goddess that hath sever'd us, And brought us thus together? FERDINAND. Sir, she is mortal; But by immortal Providence she's mine. I chose her when I could not ask my father For his advice, nor thought I had one. She Is daughter to this famous Duke of Milan, Of whom so often I have heard renown, But never saw before; of whom I have Receiv'd a second life: and second father This lady makes him to me. ALONSO. I am hers: But, O! how oddly will it sound that I Must ask my child forgiveness! PROSPERO. There, sir, stop: Let us not burden our remembrances with A heaviness that's gone. GONZALO. I have inly wept, Or should have spoke ere this. Look down, you gods, And on this couple drop a blessed crown; For it is you that have chalk'd forth the way Which brought us hither. ALONSO. I say, Amen, Gonzalo! GONZALO. Was Milan thrust from Milan, that his issue Should become kings of Naples? O, rejoice Beyond a common joy, and set it down With gold on lasting pillars. In one voyage Did Claribel her husband find at Tunis, And Ferdinand, her brother, found a wife Where he himself was lost; Prospero his dukedom In a poor isle; and all of us ourselves, When no man was his own. ALONSO. [To FERDINAND and MIRANDA] Give me your hands: Let grief and sorrow still embrace his heart That doth not wish you joy! GONZALO. Be it so. Amen! [Re-enter ARIEL, with the Master and Boatswain amazedly following.] O look, sir! look, sir! Here are more of us. I prophesied, if a gallows were on land, This fellow could not drown. - Now, blasphemy, That swear'st grace o'erboard, not an oath on shore? Hast thou no mouth by land? What is the news? BOATSWAIN. The best news is that we have safely found Our king and company: the next, our ship, - Which but three glasses since we gave out split, - Is tight and yare, and bravely rigg'd as when We first put out to sea. ARIEL. [Aside to PROSPERO] Sir, all this service Have I done since I went. PROSPERO. [Aside to ARIEL] My tricksy spirit! ALONSO. These are not natural events; they strengthen From strange to stranger - Say, how came you hither? BOATSWAIN. If I did think, sir, I were well awake, I'd strive to tell you. We were dead of sleep, And, - how, we know not, - all clapp'd under hatches, Where, but even now, with strange and several noises Of roaring, shrieking, howling, jingling chains, And mo diversity of sounds, all horrible, We were awak'd; straightway, at liberty: Where we, in all her trim, freshly beheld Our royal, good, and gallant ship; our master Cap'ring to eye her: on a trice, so please you, Even in a dream, were we divided from them, And were brought moping hither. ARIEL. [Aside to PROSPERO] Was't well done? PROSPERO. [Aside to ARIEL] Bravely, my diligence. Thou shalt be free. ALONSO. This is as strange a maze as e'er men trod; And there is in this business more than nature Was ever conduct of: some oracle Must rectify our knowledge. PROSPERO. Sir, my liege, Do not infest your mind with beating on The strangeness of this business: at pick'd leisure, Which shall be shortly, single I'll resolve you, - Which to you shall seem probable - of every These happen'd accidents; till when, be cheerful And think of each thing well. - [Aside to ARIEL] Come hither, spirit; Set Caliban and his companions free; Untie the spell. [Exit ARIEL] How fares my gracious sir? There are yet missing of your company Some few odd lads that you remember not. [Re-enter ARIEL, driving in CALIBAN, STEPHANO, and TRINCULO, in their stolen apparel.] STEPHANO. Every man shift for all the rest, and let no man take care for himself, for all is but fortune. - Coragio! bully-monster, Coragio! TRINCULO. If these be true spies which I wear in my head, here's a goodly sight. CALIBAN. O Setebos, these be brave spirits indeed. How fine my master is! I am afraid He will chastise me. SEBASTIAN. Ha, ha! What things are these, my lord Antonio? Will money buy them? ANTONIO. Very like; one of them Is a plain fish, and, no doubt, marketable. PROSPERO. Mark but the badges of these men, my lords, Then say if they be true. - This mis-shapen knave - His mother was a witch; and one so strong That could control the moon, make flows and ebbs, And deal in her command without her power. These three have robb'd me; and this demi-devil, - For he's a bastard one, - had plotted with them To take my life: two of these fellows you Must know and own; this thing of darkness I Acknowledge mine. CALIBAN. I shall be pinch'd to death. ALONSO. Is not this Stephano, my drunken butler? SEBASTIAN. He is drunk now: where had he wine? ALONSO. And Trinculo is reeling-ripe: where should they Find this grand liquor that hath gilded them? How cam'st thou in this pickle? TRINCULO. I have been in such a pickle since I saw you last that, I fear me, will never out of my bones. I shall not fear fly-blowing. SEBASTIAN. Why, how now, Stephano! STEPHANO. O! touch me not: I am not Stephano, but a cramp. PROSPERO. You'd be king o' the isle, sirrah? STEPHANO. I should have been a sore one, then. ALONSO. This is as strange a thing as e'er I look'd on. [Pointing to CALIBAN] PROSPERO. He is as disproportioned in his manners As in his shape. - Go, sirrah, to my cell; Take with you your companions: as you look To have my pardon, trim it handsomely. CALIBAN. Ay, that I will; and I'll be wise hereafter, And seek for grace. What a thrice-double ass Was I, to take this drunkard for a god, And worship this dull fool! PROSPERO. Go to; away! ALONSO. Hence, and bestow your luggage where you found it. SEBASTIAN. Or stole it, rather. [Exeunt CALIBAN, STEPHANO, and TRINCULO.] PROSPERO. Sir, I invite your Highness and your train To my poor cell, where you shall take your rest For this one night; which - part of it - I'll waste With such discourse as, I not doubt, shall make it Go quick away; the story of my life And the particular accidents gone by Since I came to this isle: and in the morn I'll bring you to your ship, and so to Naples, Where I have hope to see the nuptial Of these our dear-belov'd solemnized; And thence retire me to my Milan, where Every third thought shall be my grave. ALONSO. I long To hear the story of your life, which must Take the ear strangely. PROSPERO. I'll deliver all; And promise you calm seas, auspicious gales, And sail so expeditious that shall catch Your royal fleet far off. - [Aside to ARIEL] My Ariel, chick, That is thy charge: then to the elements Be free, and fare thou well! - Please you, draw near. [Exeunt] EPILOGUE [Spoken by PROSPERO] Now my charms are all o'erthrown, And what strength I have's mine own; Which is most faint; now 'tis true, I must be here confin'd by you, Or sent to Naples. Let me not, Since I have my dukedom got, And pardon'd the deceiver, dwell In this bare island by your spell: But release me from my bands With the help of your good hands. Gentle breath of yours my sails Must fill, or else my project fails, Which was to please. Now I want Spirits to enforce, art to enchant; And my ending is despair, Unless I be reliev'd by prayer, Which pierces so that it assaults Mercy itself, and frees all faults. As you from crimes would pardon'd be, Let your indulgence set me free. Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-friedrich-schiller-wilhelm-tell/

Friedrich Schiller Wilhelm Tell HERMANN GESSLER, Governor of Schwytz and Uri. WERNER, Baron of Attinghausen, free noble of Switzerland. ULRICH VON RUDENZ, his Nephew. WERNER STAUFFACHER, | CONRAD HUNN, | HANS AUF DER MAUER, | JORG IM HOFE, | People of Schwytz. ULRICH DER SCHMIDT, | JOST VON WEILER, | ITEL REDING, | WALTER FURST, | WILHELM TELL, | ROSSELMANN, the Priest, | PETERMANN, Sacristan, | People of Uri. KUONI, Herdsman, | WERNI, Huntsman, | RUODI, Fisherman, | ARNOLD OF MELCHTHAL, | CONRAD BAUMGARTEN, | MEYER VON SARNEN, | STRUTH VON WINKELRIED, | People of Unterwald. KLAUS VON DER FLUE, | BURKHART AM BUHEL, | ARNOLD VON SEWA, | PFEIFFER OF LUCERNE. KUNZ OF GERSAU. JENNI, Fisherman's Son. SEPPI, Herdsman's Son. GERTRUDE, Stauffacher's Wife. HEDWIG, Wife of Tell, daughter of Furst. BERTHA OF BRUNECK, a rich heiress. ARMGART, | MECHTHILD, | Peasant women. ELSBETH, | HILDEGARD, | WALTER, | Tell's sons. WILHELM, | FRIESSHARDT, | Soldiers. LEUTHOLD, | RUDOLPH DER HARRAS, Gessler's master of the horse. JOHANNES PARRICIDA, Duke of Suabia. STUSSI, Overseer. THE MAYOR OF URI. A COURIER. MASTER STONEMASON, COMPANIONS, AND WORKMEN. TASKMASTER. A CRIER. MONKS OF THE ORDER OF CHARITY. HORSEMEN OF GESSLER AND LANDENBERG. MANY PEASANTS; MEN AND WOMEN FROM THE WALDSTETTEN. ACT I. SCENE I. A high, rocky shore of the lake of Lucerne opposite Schwytz. The lake makes a bend into the land; a hut stands at a short distance from the shore; the fisher boy is rowing about in his boat. Beyond the lake are seen the green meadows, the hamlets, and arms of Schwytz, lying in the clear sunshine. On the left are observed the peaks of the Hacken, surrounded with clouds; to the right, and in the remote distance, appear the Glaciers. The Ranz des Vaches, and the tinkling of cattle-bells, continue for some time after the rising of the curtain. FISHER BOY (sings in his boat). Melody of the Ranz des Vaches. The clear, smiling lake wooed to bathe in its deep, A boy on its green shore had laid him to sleep; Then heard he a melody Flowing and soft, And sweet, as when angels Are singing aloft. And as thrilling with pleasure he wakes from his rest, The waters are murmuring over his breast; And a voice from the deep cries, "With me thou must go, I charm the young shepherd, I lure him below." HERDSMAN (on the mountains). Air. - Variation of the Ranz des Vaches. Farewell, ye green meadows, Farewell, sunny shore, The herdsman must leave you, The summer is o'er. We go to the hills, but you'll see us again, When the cuckoo is calling, and wood-notes are gay, When flowerets are blooming in dingle and plain, And the brooks sparkle up in the sunshine of May. Farewell, ye green meadows, Farewell, sunny shore, The herdsman must leave you, The summer is o'er. CHAMOIS HUNTER (appearing on the top of a cliff). Second Variation of the Ranz des Vaches. On the heights peals the thunder, and trembles the bridge, The huntsman bounds on by the dizzying ridge, Undaunted he hies him O'er ice-covered wild, Where leaf never budded, Nor spring ever smiled; And beneath him an ocean of mist, where his eye No longer the dwellings of man can espy; Through the parting clouds only The earth can be seen, Far down 'neath the vapor The meadows of green. [A change comes over the landscape. A rumbling, cracking noise is heard among the mountains. Shadows of clouds sweep across the scene. [RUODI, the fisherman, comes out of his cottage. WERNI, the huntsman, descends from the rocks. KUONI, the shepherd, enters, with a milk pail on his shoulders, followed by SERPI, his assistant. RUODI. Bestir thee, Jenni, haul the boat on shore. The grizzly Vale-king [1] comes, the glaciers moan, The lofty Mytenstein [2] draws on his hood, And from the Stormcleft chilly blows the wind; The storm will burst before we are prepared. KUONI. 'Twill rain ere long; my sheep browse eagerly, And Watcher there is scraping up the earth. WERNI. The fish are leaping, and the water-hen Dives up and down. A storm is coming on. KUONI (to his boy). Look, Seppi, if the cattle are not straying. SEPPI. There goes brown Liesel, I can hear her bells. KUONI. Then all are safe; she ever ranges farthest. RUODI. You've a fine yoke of bells there, master herdsman. WERNI. And likely cattle, too. Are they your own? KUONI. I'm not so rich. They are the noble lord's Of Attinghaus, and trusted to my care. RUODI. How gracefully yon heifer bears her ribbon! KUONI. Ay, well she knows she's leader of the herd, And, take it from her, she'd refuse to feed. RUODI. You're joking now. A beast devoid of reason. WERNI. That's easy said. But beasts have reason too - And that we know, we men that hunt the chamois. They never turn to feed - sagacious creatures! Till they have placed a sentinel ahead, Who pricks his ears whenever we approach, And gives alarm with clear and piercing pipe. RUODI (to the shepherd). Are you for home? KUONI. The Alp is grazed quite bare. WERNI. A safe return, my friend! KUONI. The same to you? Men come not always back from tracks like yours. RUODI. But who comes here, running at topmost speed? WERNI. I know the man; 'tis Baumgart of Alzellen. CONRAD BAUMGARTEN (rushing in breathless). For God's sake, ferryman, your boat! RUODI. How now? Why all this haste? BAUMGARTEN. Cast off! My life's at stake! Set me across! KUONI. Why, what's the matter, friend? WERNI. Who are pursuing you? First tell us that. BAUMGARTEN (to the fisherman). Quick, quick, even now they're close upon my heels! The viceroy's horsemen are in hot pursuit! I'm a lost man should they lay hands upon me. RUODI. Why are the troopers in pursuit of you? BAUMGARTEN. First save my life and then I'll tell you all. WERNI. There's blood upon your garments - how is this? BAUMGARTEN. The imperial seneschal, who dwelt at Rossberg. KUONI. How! What! The Wolfshot? [3] Is it he pursues you? BAUMGARTEN. He'll ne'er hunt man again; I've settled him. ALL (starting back). Now, God forgive you, what is this you've done! BAUMGARTEN. What every free man in my place had done. I have but used mine own good household right 'Gainst him that would have wronged my wife - my honor. KUONI. And has he wronged you in your honor, then? BAUMGARTEN. That he did not fulfil his foul desire Is due to God and to my trusty axe. WERNI. You've cleft his skull, then, have you, with your axe? KUONI. Oh, tell us all! You've time enough, before The boat can be unfastened from its moorings. BAUMGARTEN. When I was in the forest, felling timber, My wife came running out in mortal fear: "The seneschal," she said, "was in my house, Had ordered her to get a bath prepared, And thereupon had taken unseemly freedoms, From which she rid herself and flew to me." Armed as I was I sought him, and my axe Has given his bath a bloody benediction. WERNI. And you did well; no man can blame the deed. KUONI. The tyrant! Now he has his just reward! We men of Unterwald have owed it long. BAUMGARTEN. The deed got wind, and now they're in pursuit. Heavens! whilst we speak, the time is flying fast. [It begins to thunder. KUONI. Quick, ferrymen, and set the good man over. RUODI. Impossible! a storm is close at hand, Wait till it pass! You must. BAUMGARTEN. Almighty heavens! I cannot wait; the least delay is death. KUONI (to the fisherman). Push out. God with you! We should help our neighbors; The like misfortune may betide us all. [Thunder and the roaring of the wind. RUODI. The south wind's up! [4] See how the lake is rising! I cannot steer against both storm and wave. BAUMGARTEN (clasping him by the knees). God so help you, as now you pity me! WERNI. His life's at stake. Have pity on him, man! KUONI. He is a father: has a wife and children. [Repeated peals of thunder. RUODI. What! and have I not, then, a life to lose, A wife and child at home as well as he? See, how the breakers foam, and toss, and whirl, And the lake eddies up from all its depths! Right gladly would I save the worthy man, But 'tis impossible, as you must see. BAUMGARTEN (still kneeling). Then must I fall into the tyrant's hands, And with the port of safety close in sight! Yonder it lies! My eyes can measure it, My very voice can echo to its shores. There is the boat to carry me across, Yet must I lie here helpless and forlorn. KUONI. Look! who comes here? RUODI. 'Tis Tell, brave Tell, of Buerglen. [5] [Enter TELL, with a crossbow. TELL. Who is the man that here implores for aid? KUONI. He is from Alzellen, and to guard his honor From touch of foulest shame, has slain the Wolfshot! The imperial seneschal, who dwelt at Rossberg. The viceroy's troopers are upon his heels; He begs the boatman here to take him over, But he, in terror of the storm, refuses. RUODI. Well, there is Tell can steer as well as I. He'll be my judge, if it be possible. [Violent peals of thunder - the lake becomes more tempestuous. Am I to plunge into the jaws of hell? I should be mad to dare the desperate act. TELL. The brave man thinks upon himself the last. Put trust in God, and help him in his need! RUODI. Safe in the port, 'tis easy to advise. There is the boat, and there the lake! Try you! TELL. The lake may pity, but the viceroy will not. Come, venture, man! SHEPHERD and HUNTSMAN. Oh, save him! save him! save him! RUODI. Though 'twere my brother, or my darling child, I would not go. It is St. Simon's day, The lake is up, and calling for its victim. TELL. Naught's to be done with idle talking here. Time presses on - the man must be assisted. Say, boatman, will you venture? RUODI. No; not I. TELL. In God's name, then, give me the boat! I will With my poor strength, see what is to be done! KUONI. Ha, noble Tell! WERNI. That's like a gallant huntsman! BAUMGARTEN. You are my angel, my preserver, Tell. TELL. I may preserve you from the viceroy's power But from the tempest's rage another must. Yet you had better fall into God's hands, Than into those of men. [To the herdsman. Herdsman, do thou Console my wife, should aught of ill befall me. I do but what I may not leave undone. [He leaps into the boat. KUONI (to the fisherman). A pretty man to be a boatman, truly! What Tell could risk you dared not venture on. RUODI. Far better men than I would not ape Tell. There does not live his fellow 'mong the mountains. WERNI (who has ascended a rock). He pushes off. God help thee now, brave sailor! Look how his bark is reeling on the waves! KUONI (on the shore). The surge has swept clean over it. And now 'Tis out of sight. Yet stay, there 'tis again Stoutly he stems the breakers, noble fellow! SEPPI. Here come the troopers hard as they can ride! KUONI. Heavens! so they do! Why, that was help, indeed. [Enter a troop of horsemen. FIRST HORSEMAN. Give up the murderer! You have him here! SECOND HORSEMAN. This way he came! 'Tis useless to conceal him! RUODI and KUONI. Whom do you mean? FIRST HORSEMAN (discovering the boat). The devil! What do I see? WERNI (from above). Is't he in yonder boat ye seek? Ride on, If you lay to, you may o'ertake him yet. SECOND HORSEMAN. Curse on you, he's escaped! FIRST HORSEMAN (to the shepherd and fisherman). You helped him off, And you shall pay for it. Fall on their herds! Down with the cottage! burn it! beat it down! [They rush off. SEPPI (hurrying after them). Oh, my poor lambs! KUONI (following him). Unhappy me, my herds! WERNI. The tyrants! RUODI (wringing his hands). Righteous Heaven! Oh, when will come Deliverance to this devoted land? [Exeunt severally. SCENE II. A lime-tree in front of STAUFFACHER'S house at Steinen, in Schwytz, upon the public road, near a bridge. WERNER STAUFFACHER and PFEIFFER, of Lucerne, enter into conversation. PFEIFFER. Ay, ay, friend Stauffacher, as I have said, Swear not to Austria, if you can help it. Hold by the empire stoutly as of yore, And God preserve you in your ancient freedom! [Presses his hand warmly and is going. STAUFFACHER. Wait till my mistress comes. Now do! You are My guest in Schwytz - I in Lucerne am yours. PFEIFFER. Thanks! thanks! But I must reach Gersau to-day. Whatever grievances your rulers' pride And grasping avarice may yet inflict, Bear them in patience - soon a change may come. Another emperor may mount the throne. But Austria's once, and you are hers forever. [Exit. [STAUFEACHER sits down sorrowfully upon a bench under the lime tree. Gertrude, his wife, enters, and finds him in this posture. She places herself near him, and looks at him for some time in silence. GERTRUDE. So sad, my love! I scarcely know thee now. For many a day in silence I have marked A moody sorrow furrowing thy brow. Some silent grief is weighing on thy heart; Trust it to me. I am thy faithful wife, And I demand my half of all thy cares. [STAUFFACHER gives her his hand and is silent. Tell me what can oppress thy spirits thus? Thy toil is blest - the world goes well with thee - Our barns are full - our cattle many a score; Our handsome team of sleek and well-fed steeds, Brought from the mountain pastures safely home, To winter in their comfortable stalls. There stands thy house - no nobleman's more fair! 'Tis newly built with timber of the best, All grooved and fitted with the nicest skill; Its many glistening windows tell of comfort! 'Tis quartered o'er with scutcheons of all hues, And proverbs sage, which passing travellers Linger to read, and ponder o'er their meaning. STAUFFACHER. The house is strongly built, and handsomely, But, ah! the ground on which we built it totters. GERTRUDE. Tell me, dear Werner, what you mean by that? STAUFFACHER. No later since than yesterday, I sat Beneath this linden, thinking with delight, How fairly all was finished, when from Kuessnacht The viceroy and his men came riding by. Before this house he halted in surprise: At once I rose, and, as beseemed his rank, Advanced respectfully to greet the lord, To whom the emperor delegates his power, As judge supreme within our Canton here. "Who is the owner of this house?" he asked, With mischief in his thoughts, for well he knew. With prompt decision, thus I answered him: "The emperor, your grace - my lord and yours, And held by one in fief." On this he answered, "I am the emperor's viceregent here, And will not that each peasant churl should build At his own pleasure, bearing him as freely As though he were the master in the land. I shall make bold to put a stop to this!" So saying he, with menaces, rode off, And left me musing, with a heavy heart, On the fell purpose that his words betrayed. GERTRUDE. Mine own dear lord and husband! Wilt thou take A word of honest counsel from thy wife? I boast to be the noble Iberg's child, A man of wide experience. Many a time, As we sat spinning in the winter nights, My sisters and myself, the people's chiefs Were wont to gather round our father's hearth, To read the old imperial charters, and To hold sage converse on the country's weal. Then heedfully I listened, marking well What or the wise men thought, or good man wished, And garnered up their wisdom in my heart. Hear then, and mark me well; for thou wilt see, I long have known the grief that weighs thee down. The viceroy hates thee, fain would injure thee, For thou hast crossed his wish to bend the Swiss In homage to this upstart house of princes, And kept them stanch, like their good sires of old, In true allegiance to the empire. Say. Is't not so, Werner? Tell nee, am I wrong? STAUFFACHER. 'Tis even so. For this doth Gessler hate me. GERTRUDE. He burns with envy, too, to see thee living Happy and free on thy inheritance, For he has none. From the emperor himself Thou holdest in fief the lands thy fathers left thee. There's not a prince in the empire that can show A better title to his heritage; For thou hast over thee no lord but one, And he the mightiest of all Christian kings. Gessler, we know, is but a younger son, His only wealth the knightly cloak he wears; He therefore views an honest man's good fortune With a malignant and a jealous eye. Long has he sworn to compass thy destruction As yet thou art uninjured. Wilt thou wait Till he may safely give his malice scope? A wise man would anticipate the blow. STAUFFACHER. What's to be done? GERTRUDE. Now hear what I advise. Thou knowest well, how here with us in Schwytz, All worthy men are groaning underneath This Gessler's grasping, grinding tyranny. Doubt not the men of Unterwald as well, And Uri, too, are chafing like ourselves, At this oppressive and heart-wearying yoke. For there, across the lake, the Landenberg Wields the same iron rule as Gessler here - No fishing-boat comes over to our side But brings the tidings of some new encroachment, Some outrage fresh, more grievous than the last. Then it were well that some of you - true men - Men sound at heart, should secretly devise How best to shake this hateful thraldom off. Well do I know that God would not desert you, But lend his favor to the righteous cause. Hast thou no friend in Uri, say, to whom Thou frankly may'st unbosom all thy thoughts? STAUFFACHER. I know full many a gallant fellow there, And nobles, too, - great men, of high repute, In whom I can repose unbounded trust. [Rising. Wife! What a storm of wild and perilous thoughts Hast thou stirred up within my tranquil breast? The darkest musings of my bosom thou Hast dragged to light, and placed them full before me, And what I scarce dared harbor e'en in thought, Thou speakest plainly out, with fearless tongue. But hast thou weighed well what thou urgest thus? Discord will come, and the fierce clang of arms, To scare this valley's long unbroken peace, If we, a feeble shepherd race, shall dare Him to the fight that lords it o'er the world. Even now they only wait some fair pretext For setting loose their savage warrior hordes, To scourge and ravage this devoted land, To lord it o'er us with the victor's rights, And 'neath the show of lawful chastisement, Despoil us of our chartered liberties. GERTRUDE. You, too, are men; can wield a battle-axe As well as they. God ne'er deserts the brave. STAUFFACHER. Oh wife! a horrid, ruthless fiend is war, That strikes at once the shepherd and his flock. GERTRUDE. Whate'er great heaven inflicts we must endure; No heart of noble temper brooks injustice. STAUFFACHER. This house - thy pride - war, unrelenting war, Will burn it down. GERTRUDE. And did I think this heart Enslaved and fettered to the things of earth, With my own hand I'd hurl the kindling torch. STAUFFACHER. Thou hast faith in human kindness, wife; but war Spares not the tender infant in its cradle. GERTRUDE. There is a friend to innocence in heaven Look forward, Werner - not behind you, now! STAUFFACHER. We men may perish bravely, sword in hand; But oh, what fate, my Gertrude, may be thine? GERTRUDE. None are so weak, but one last choice is left. A spring from yonder bridge, and I am free! STAUFFACHER (embracing her). Well may he fight for hearth and home that clasps A heart so rare as thine against his own! What are the hosts of emperors to him! Gertrude, farewell! I will to Uri straight. There lives my worthy comrade, Walter Furst, His thoughts and mine upon these times are one. There, too, resides the noble Banneret Of Attinghaus. High though of blood he be, He loves the people, honors their old customs. With both of these I will take counsel how To rid us bravely of our country's foe. Farewell! and while I am away, bear thou A watchful eye in management at home. The pilgrim journeying to the house of God, And pious monk, collecting for his cloister, To these give liberally from purse and garner. Stauffacher's house would not be hid. Right out Upon the public way it stands, and offers To all that pass an hospitable roof. [While they are retiring, TELL enters with BAUMGARTEN. TELL. Now, then, you have no further need of me. Enter yon house. 'Tis Werner Stauffacher's, A man that is a father to distress. See, there he is himself! Come, follow me. [They retire up. Scene changes. SCENE III. A common near Altdorf. On an eminence in the background a castle in progress of erection, and so far advanced that the outline of the whole may be distinguished. The back part is finished; men are working at the front. Scaffolding, on which the workmen are going up and down. A slater is seen upon the highest part of the roof. - All is bustle and activity. TASKMASTER, MASON, WORKMEN, and LABORERS. TASKMASTER (with a stick, urging on the workmen). Up, up! You've rested long enough. To work! The stones here, now the mortar, and the lime! And let his lordship see the work advanced When next he comes. These fellows crawl like snails! [To two laborers with loads. What! call ye that a load? Go, double it. Is this the way ye earn your wages, laggards? FIRST WORKMAN. 'Tis very hard that we must bear the stones, To make a keep and dungeon for ourselves! TASKMASTER. What's that you mutter? 'Tis a worthless race, And fit for nothing but to milk their cows, And saunter idly up and down the mountains. OLD MAN (sinks down exhausted). I can no more. TASKMASTER (shaking him). Up, up, old man, to work! FIRST WORKMAN. Have you no bowels of compassion, thus To press so hard upon a poor old man, That scarce can drag his feeble limbs along? MASTER MASON and WORKMEN. Shame, shame upon you - shame! It cries to heaven! TASKMASTER. Mind your own business. I but do my duty. FIRST WORKMAN. Pray, master, what's to be the name of this Same castle when 'tis built? TASKMASTER. The keep of Uri; For by it we shall keep you in subjection. WORKMEN. The keep of Uri. TASKMASTER. Well, why laugh at that? SECOND WORKMAN. So you'll keep Uri with this paltry place! FIRST WORKMAN. How many molehills such as that must first Be piled above each other ere you make A mountain equal to the least in Uri? [TASKMASTER retires up the stage. MASTER MASON. I'll drown the mallet in the deepest lake, That served my hand on this accursed pile. [Enter TELL and STAUFFACHER. STAUFFACHER. Oh, that I had not lived to see this sight! TELL. Here 'tis not good to be. Let us proceed. STAUFFACHER. Am I in Uri, in the land of freedom? MASTER MASON. Oh, sir, if you could only see the vaults Beneath these towers. The man that tenants them Will never hear the cock crow more. STAUFFACHER. O God! MASTER MASON. Look at these ramparts and these buttresses, That seem as they were built to last forever. TELL. Hands can destroy whatever hands have reared. [Pointing to the mountains. That house of freedom God hath built for us. [A drum is heard. People enter bearing a cap upon a pole, followed by a crier. Women and children thronging tumultuously after them. FIRST WORKMAN. What means the drum? Give heed! MASTER MASON. Why here's a mumming! And look, the cap, - what can they mean by that? CRIER. In the emperor's name, give ear! WORKMEN. Hush! silence! hush! CRIER. Ye men of Uri, ye do see this cap! It will be set upon a lofty pole In Altdorf, in the market-place: and this Is the lord governor's good will and pleasure, The cap shall have like honor as himself, And all shall reverence it with bended knee, And head uncovered; thus the king will know Who are his true and loyal subjects here: His life and goods are forfeit to the crown, That shall refuse obedience to the order. [The people burst out into laughter. The drum beats, and the procession passes on. FIRST WORKMAN. A strange device to fall upon, indeed! Do reverence to a cap! a pretty farce! Heard ever mortal anything like this? MASTER MASON. Down to a cap on bended knee, forsooth! Rare jesting this with men of sober sense! FIRST WORKMAN. Nay, were it but the imperial crown, indeed! But 'tis the cap of Austria! I've seen it Hanging above the throne in Gessler's hall. MASTER MASON. The cap of Austria! Mark that! A snare To get us into Austria's power, by heaven! WORKMEN. No freeborn man will stoop to such disgrace. MASTER MASON. Come - to our comrades, and advise with them! [They retire up. TELL (to STAUFFACHER). You see how matters stand: Farewell, my friend! STAUFFACHER. Whither away? Oh, leave us not so soon. TELL. They look for me at home. So fare ye well. STAUFFACHER. My heart's so full, and has so much to tell you. TELL. Words will not make a heart that's heavy light. STAUFFACHER. Yet words may possibly conduct to deeds. TELL. All we can do is to endure in silence. STAUFFACHER. But shall we bear what is not to be borne? TELL. Impetuous rulers have the shortest reigns. When the fierce south wind rises from his chasms, Men cover up their fires, the ships in haste Make for the harbor, and the mighty spirit Sweeps o'er the earth, and leaves no trace behind. Let every man live quietly at home; Peace to the peaceful rarely is denied. STAUFFACHER. And is it thus you view our grievances? TELL. The serpent stings not till it is provoked. Let them alone; they'll weary of themselves, Whene'er they see we are not to be roused. STAUFFACHER. Much might be done - did we stand fast together. TELL. When the ship founders, he will best escape Who seeks no other's safety but his own. STAUFFACHER. And you desert the common cause so coldly? TELL. A man can safely count but on himself! STAUFFACHER. Nay, even the weak grow strong by union. TELL. But the strong man is the strongest when alone. STAUFFACHER. Your country, then, cannot rely on you If in despair she rise against her foes. TELL. Tell rescues the lost sheep from yawning gulfs: Is he a man, then, to desert his friends? Yet, whatsoe'er you do, spare me from council! I was not born to ponder and select; But when your course of action is resolved, Then call on Tell; you shall not find him fail. [Exeunt severally. A sudden tumult is heard around the scaffolding. MASTER MASON (running in). What's wrong? FIRST WORKMAN (running forward). The slater's fallen from the roof. BERTHA (rushing in). Is he dashed to pieces? Run - save him, help! If help be possible, save him! Here is gold. [Throws her trinkets among the people. MASTER MASON. Hence with your gold, - your universal charm, And remedy for ill! When you have torn Fathers from children, husbands from their wives, And scattered woe and wail throughout the land, You think with gold to compensate for all. Hence! Till we saw you we were happy men; With you came misery and dark despair. BERTHA (to the TASKMASTER, who has returned). Lives he? [TASKMASTER shakes his head. Ill-fated towers, with curses built, And doomed with curses to be tenanted! [Exit. SCENE IV. The House of WALTER FURST. WALTER FURST and ARNOLD VON MELCHTHAL enter simultaneously at different sides. MELCHTHAL. Good Walter Furst. FURST. If we should be surprised! Stay where you are. We are beset with spies. MELCHTHAL. Have you no news for me from Unterwald? What of my father? 'Tis not to be borne, Thus to be pent up like a felon here! What have I done of such a heinous stamp, To skulk and hide me like a murderer? I only laid my staff across the fingers Of the pert varlet, when before my eyes, By order of the governor, he tried To drive away my handsome team of oxen. FURST. You are too rash by far. He did no more Than what the governor had ordered him. You had transgressed, and therefore should have paid The penalty, however hard, in silence. MELCHTHAL. Was I to brook the fellow's saucy words? "That if the peasant must have bread to eat; Why, let him go and draw the plough himself!" It cut me to the very soul to see My oxen, noble creatures, when the knave Unyoked them from the plough. As though they felt The wrong, they lowed and butted with their horns. On this I could contain myself no longer, And, overcome by passion, struck him down. FURST. Oh, we old men can scarce command ourselves! And can we wonder youth shall break its bounds? MELCHTHAL. I'm only sorry for my father's sake! To be away from him, that needs so much My fostering care! The governor detests him, Because he hath, whene'er occasion served, Stood stoutly up for right and liberty. Therefore they'll bear him hard - the poor old man! And there is none to shield him from their gripe. Come what come may, I must go home again. FURST. Compose yourself, and wait in patience till We get some tidings o'er from Unterwald. Away! away! I hear a knock! Perhaps A message from the viceroy! Get thee in! You are not safe from Landenberger's [6] arm In Uri, for these tyrants pull together. MELCHTHAL. They teach us Switzers what we ought to do. FURST. Away! I'll call you when the coast is clear. [MELCHTHAL retires. Unhappy youth! I dare not tell him all The evil that my boding heart predicts! Who's there? The door ne'er opens but I look For tidings of mishap. Suspicion lurks With darkling treachery in every nook. Even to our inmost rooms they force their way, These myrmidons of power; and soon we'll need To fasten bolts and bars upon our doors. [He opens the door and steps back in surprise as WERNER STAUFFACHER enters. What do I see? You, Werner? Now, by Heaven! A valued guest, indeed. No man e'er set His foot across this threshold more esteemed. Welcome! thrice welcome, Werner, to my roof! What brings you here? What seek you here in Uri? STAUFFACHER (shakes FURST by the hand). The olden times and olden Switzerland. FURST. You bring them with you. See how I'm rejoiced, My heart leaps at the very sight of you. Sit down - sit down, and tell me how you left Your charming wife, fair Gertrude? Iberg's child, And clever as her father. Not a man, That wends from Germany, by Meinrad's Cell, [7] To Italy, but praises far and wide Your house's hospitality. But say, Have you come here direct from Flueelen, And have you noticed nothing on your way, Before you halted at my door? STAUFFACHER (sits down). I saw A work in progress, as I came along, I little thought to see - that likes me ill. FURST. O friend! you've lighted on my thought at once. STAUFFACHER. Such things in Uri ne'er were known before. Never was prison here in man's remembrance, Nor ever any stronghold but the grave. FURST. You name it well. It is the grave of freedom. STAUFFACHER. Friend, Walter Furst, I will be plain with you. No idle curiosity it is That brings me here, but heavy cares. I left Thraldom at home, and thraldom meets me here. Our wrongs, e'en now, are more than we can bear. And who shall tell us where they are to end? From eldest time the Switzer has been free, Accustomed only to the mildest rule. Such things as now we suffer ne'er were known Since herdsmen first drove cattle to the hills. FURST. Yes, our oppressions are unparalleled! Why, even our own good lord of Attinghaus, Who lived in olden times, himself declares They are no longer to be tamely borne. STAUFFACHER. In Unterwalden yonder 'tis the same; And bloody has the retribution been. The imperial seneschal, the Wolfshot, who At Rossberg dwelt, longed for forbidden fruits - Baumgarten's wife, that lives at Alzellen, He wished to overcome in shameful sort, On which the husband slew him with his axe. FURST. Oh, Heaven is just in all its judgments still! Baumgarten, say you? A most worthy man. Has he escaped, and is he safely hid? STAUFFACHER. Your son-in-law conveyed him o'er the lake, And he lies hidden in my house at Steinen. He brought the tidings with him of a thing That has been done at Sarnen, worse than all, A thing to make the very heart run blood! FURST (attentively). Say on. What is it? STAUFFACHER. There dwells in Melchthal, then, Just as you enter by the road from Kearns, An upright man, named Henry of the Halden, A man of weight and influence in the Diet. FURST. Who knows him not? But what of him? Proceed. STAUFFACHER. The Landenberg, to punish some offence, Committed by the old man's son, it seems, Had given command to take the youth's best pair Of oxen from his plough: on which the lad Struck down the messenger and took to flight. FURST. But the old father - tell me, what of him? STAUFFACHER. The Landenberg sent for him, and required He should produce his son upon the spot; And when the old man protested, and with truth, That he knew nothing of the fugitive, The tyrant called his torturers. FURST (springs up and tries to lead him to the other side). Hush, no more! STAUFFACHER (with increasing warmth). "And though thy son," he cried, "Has escaped me now, I have thee fast, and thou shalt feel my vengeance." With that they flung the old man to the earth, And plunged the pointed steel into his eyes. FURST. Merciful heavens! MELCHTHAL (rushing out). Into his eyes, his eyes? STAUFFACHER (addresses himself in astonishment to WALTER FURST). Who is this youth? MELCHTHAL (grasping him convulsively). Into his eyes? Speak, speak! FURST. Oh, miserable hour! STAUFFACHER. Who is it, tell me? [STAUFFACHER makes a sign to him. It is his son! All righteous heaven! MELCHTHAL. And I Must be from thence! What! into both his eyes? FURST. Be calm, be calm; and bear it like a man! MELCHTHAL. And all for me - for my mad wilful folly! Blind, did you say? Quite blind - and both his eyes? STAUFFACHER. Even so. The fountain of his sight's dried up. He ne'er will see the blessed sunshine more. FURST. Oh, spare his anguish! MELCHTHAL. Never, never more! [Presses his hands upon his eyes and is silent for some moments; then turning from one to the other, speaks in a subdued tone, broken by sobs. O the eye's light, of all the gifts of heaven, The dearest, best! From light all beings live - Each fair created thing - the very plants Turn with a joyful transport to the light, And he - he must drag on through all his days In endless darkness! Never more for him The sunny meads shall glow, the flowerets bloom; Nor shall he more behold the roseate tints Of the iced mountain top! To die is nothing, But to have life, and not have sight - oh, that Is misery indeed! Why do you look So piteously at me? I have two eyes, Yet to my poor blind father can give neither! No, not one gleam of that great sea of light, That with its dazzling splendor floods my gaze. STAUFFACHER. Ah, I must swell the measure of your grief, Instead of soothing it. The worst, alas! Remains to tell. They've stripped him of his all; Naught have they left him, save his staff, on which, Blind and in rags, he moves from door to door. MELCHTHAL. Naught but his staff to the old eyeless man! Stripped of his all - even of the light of day, The common blessing of the meanest wretch. Tell me no more of patience, of concealment! Oh, what a base and coward thing am I, That on mine own security I thought And took no care of thine! Thy precious head Left as a pledge within the tyrant's grasp! Hence, craven-hearted prudence, hence! And all My thoughts be vengeance, and the despot's blood! I'll seek him straight - no power shall stay me now - And at his hands demand my father's eyes. I'll beard him 'mid a thousand myrmidons! What's life to me, if in his heart's best blood I cool the fever of this mighty anguish. [He is going. FURST. Stay, this is madness, Melchthal! What avails Your single arm against his power? He sits At Sarnen high within his lordly keep, And, safe within its battlemented walls, May laugh to scorn your unavailing rage. MELCHTHAL. And though he sat within the icy domes Of yon far Schreckhorn - ay, or higher, where Veiled since eternity, the Jungfrau soars, Still to the tyrant would I make my way; With twenty comrades minded like myself, I'd lay his fastness level with the earth! And if none follow me, and if you all, In terror for your homesteads and your herds, Bow in submission to the tyrant's yoke, I'll call the herdsmen on the hills around me, And there beneath heaven's free and boundless roof, Where men still feel as men, and hearts are true Proclaim aloud this foul enormity! STAUFFACHER (to FURST). 'Tis at its height - and are we then to wait Till some extremity - - MELCHTHAL. What extremity Remains for apprehension, where men's eyes Have ceased to be secure within their sockets? Are we defenceless? Wherefore did we learn To bend the crossbow - wield the battle-axe? What living creature, but in its despair, Finds for itself a weapon of defence? The baited stag will turn, and with the show Of his dread antlers hold the hounds at bay; The chamois drags the huntsman down the abyss; The very ox, the partner of man's toil, The sharer of his roof, that meekly bends The strength of his huge neck beneath the yoke, Springs up, if he's provoked, whets his strong horn, And tosses his tormenter to the clouds. FURST. If the three Cantons thought as we three do, Something might, then, be done, with good effect. STAUFFACHER. When Uri calls, when Unterwald replies, Schwytz will be mindful of her ancient league. [8] MELCHTHAL. I've many friends in Unterwald, and none That would not gladly venture life and limb If fairly backed and aided by the rest. Oh, sage and reverend fathers of this land, Here do I stand before your riper years, An unskilled youth whose voice must in the Diet Still be subdued into respectful silence. Do not, because that I am young and want Experience, slight my counsel and my words. 'Tis not the wantonness of youthful blood That fires my spirit; but a pang so deep That even the flinty rocks must pity me. You, too, are fathers, heads of families, And you must wish to have a virtuous son To reverence your gray hairs and shield your eyes With pious and affectionate regard. Do not, I pray, because in limb and fortune You still are unassailed, and still your eyes Revolve undimmed and sparkling in their spheres; Oh, do not, therefore, disregard our wrongs! Above you, too, doth hang the tyrant's sword. You, too, have striven to alienate the land From Austria. This was all my father's crime: You share his guilt and may his punishment. STAUFFACHER (to FURST). Do then resolve! I am prepared to follow. FURST. First let us learn what steps the noble lords Von Sillinen and Attinghaus propose. Their names would rally thousands in the cause. MELCHTHAL. Is there a name within the Forest Mountains That carries more respect than thine - and thine? To names like these the people cling for help With confidence - such names are household words. Rich was your heritage of manly virtue, And richly have you added to its stores. What need of nobles? Let us do the work Ourselves. Although we stood alone, methinks We should be able to maintain our rights. STAUFFACHER. The nobles' wrongs are not so great as ours. The torrent that lays waste the lower grounds Hath not ascended to the uplands yet. But let them see the country once in arms They'll not refuse to lend a helping hand. FURST. Were there an umpire 'twixt ourselves and Austria, Justice and law might then decide our quarrel. But our oppressor is our emperor, too, And judge supreme. 'Tis God must help us, then, And our own arm! Be yours the task to rouse The men of Schwytz; I'll rally friends in Uri. But whom are we to send to Unterwald? MELCHTHAL. Thither send me. Whom should it more concern? FURST. No, Melchthal, no; thou art my guest, and I Must answer for thy safety. MELCHTHAL. Let me go. I know each forest track and mountain pass; Friends too I'll find, be sure, on every hand, To give me willing shelter from the foe. STAUFFACHER. Nay, let him go; no traitors harbor there: For tyranny is so abhorred in Unterwald No minions can be found to work her will. In the low valleys, too, the Alzeller Will gain confederates and rouse the country. MELCHTHAL. But how shall we communicate, and not Awaken the suspicion of the tyrants? STAUFFACHER. Might we not meet at Brunnen or at Treib, Hard by the spot where merchant-vessels land? FURST. We must not go so openly to work. Hear my opinion. On the lake's left bank, As we sail hence to Brunnen, right against The Mytenstein, deep-hidden in the wood A meadow lies, by shepherds called the Rootli, Because the wood has been uprooted there. 'Tis where our Canton boundaries verge on yours; - [To MELCHTHAL. Your boat will carry you across from Schwytz. [To STAUFFACHER. Thither by lonely by-paths let us wend At midnight and deliberate o'er our plans. Let each bring with him there ten trusty men, All one at heart with us; and then we may Consult together for the general weal, And, with God's guidance, fix our onward course. STAUFFACHER. So let it be. And now your true right hand! Yours, too, young man! and as we now three men Among ourselves thus knit our hands together In all sincerity and truth, e'en so Shall we three Cantons, too, together stand In victory and defeat, in life and death. FURST and MELCHTHAL. In life and death. [They hold their hands clasped together for some moments in silence. MELCHTHAL. Alas, my old blind father! Thou canst no more behold the day of freedom; But thou shalt hear it. When from Alp to Alp The beacon-fires throw up their flaming signs, And the proud castles of the tyrants fall, Into thy cottage shall the Switzer burst, Bear the glad tidings to thine ear, and o'er Thy darkened way shall Freedom's radiance pour. ACT II. SCENE I. The Mansion of the BARON OF ATTINGHAUSEN. A Gothic hall, decorated with escutcheons and helmets. The BARON, a gray-headed man, eighty-five years old, tall, and of a commanding mien, clad in a furred pelisse, and leaning on a staff tipped with chamois horn. KUONI and six hinds standing round him, with rakes and scythes. ULRICH OF RUDENZ enters in the costume of a knight. RUDENZ. Uncle, I'm here! Your will? ATTINGHAUSEN. First let me share, After the ancient custom of our house, The morning-cup with these my faithful servants! [He drinks from a cup, which is then passed round. Time was I stood myself in field and wood, With mine own eyes directing all their toil, Even as my banner led them in the fight, Now I am only fit to play the steward; And, if the genial sun come not to me, I can no longer seek it on the mountains. Thus slowly, in an ever-narrowing sphere, I move on to the narrowest and the last, Where all life's pulses cease. I now am but The shadow of my former self, and that Is fading fast - 'twill soon be but a name. KUONI (offering RUDENZ the cup). A pledge, young master! [RUDENZ hesitates to take the cup. Nay, sir, drink it off! One cup, one heart! You know our proverb, sir! ATTINGHAUSEN. Go, children, and at eve, when work is done, We'll meet and talk the country's business over. [Exeunt Servants. Belted and plumed, and all thy bravery on! Thou art for Altdorf - for the castle, boy? RUDENZ. Yes, uncle. Longer may I not delay - - ATTINGHAUSEN (sitting down). Why in such haste? Say, are thy youthful hours Doled in such niggard measure that thou must Be chary of then to thy aged uncle? RUDENZ. I see, my presence is not needed here, I am but as a stranger in this house. ATTINGHAUSEN (gazes fixedly at him for a considerable time). Alas, thou art indeed! Alas, that home To thee has grown so strange! Oh, Uly! Uly! I scarce do know thee now, thus decked in silks, The peacock's feather [9] flaunting in thy cap, And purple mantle round thy shoulders flung; Thou lookest upon the peasant with disdain, And takest with a blush his honest greeting. RUDENZ. All honor due to him I gladly pay, But must deny the right he would usurp. ATTINGHAUSEN. The sore displeasure of the king is resting Upon the land, and every true man's heart Is full of sadness for the grievous wrongs We suffer from our tyrants. Thou alone Art all unmoved amid the general grief. Abandoning thy friends, thou takest thy stand Beside thy country's foes, and, as in scorn Of our distress, pursuest giddy joys, Courting the smiles of princes, all the while Thy country bleeds beneath their cruel scourge. RUDENZ. The land is sore oppressed; I know it, uncle. But why? Who plunged it into this distress? A word, one little easy word, might buy Instant deliverance from such dire oppression, And win the good-will of the emperor. Woe unto those who seal the people's eyes, And make them adverse to their country's good; The men who, for their own vile, selfish ends, Are seeking to prevent the Forest States From swearing fealty to Austria's house, As all the countries round about have done. It fits their humor well, to take their seats Amid the nobles on the Herrenbank; [10] They'll have the Caesar for their lord, forsooth, That is to say, they'll have no lord at all. ATTINGHAUSEN. Must I hear this, and from thy lips, rash boy! RUDENZ. You urged me to this answer. Hear me out. What, uncle, is the character you've stooped To fill contentedly through life? Have you No higher pride, than in these lonely wilds To be the Landamman or Banneret, [11] The petty chieftain of a shepherd race? How! Were it not a far more glorious choice To bend in homage to our royal lord, And swell the princely splendors of his court, Than sit at home, the peer of your own vassals, And share the judgment-seat with vulgar clowns? ATTINGHAUSEN. Ah, Uly, Uly; all too well I see, The tempter's voice has caught thy willing ear, And poured its subtle poison in thy heart. RUDENZ. Yes, I conceal it not. It doth offend My inmost soul to hear the stranger's gibes, That taunt us with the name of "Peasant Nobles." Think you the heart that's stirring here can brook, While all the young nobility around Are reaping honor under Hapsburg's banner, That I should loiter, in inglorious ease, Here on the heritage my fathers left, And, in the dull routine of vulgar toil, Lose all life's glorious spring? In other lands Deeds are achieved. A world of fair renown Beyond these mountains stirs in martial pomp. My helm and shield are rusting in the hall; The martial trumpet's spirit-stirring blast, The herald's call, inviting to the lists, Rouse not the echoes of these vales, where naught Save cowherd's horn and cattle-bell is heard, In one unvarying, dull monotony. ATTINGHAUSEN. Deluded boy, seduced by empty show! Despise the land that gave thee birth! Ashamed Of the good ancient customs of thy sires! The day will come, when thou, with burning tears, Wilt long for home, and for thy native hills, And that dear melody of tuneful herds, Which now, in proud disgust, thou dost despise! A day when thou wilt drink its tones in sadness, Hearing their music in a foreign land. Oh! potent is the spell that binds to home! No, no, the cold, false world is not for thee. At the proud court, with thy true heart thou wilt Forever feel a stranger among strangers. The world asks virtues of far other stamp Than thou hast learned within these simple vales. But go - go thither; barter thy free soul, Take land in fief, become a prince's vassal, Where thou might'st be lord paramount, and prince Of all thine own unburdened heritage! O, Uly, Uly, stay among thy people! Go not to Altdorf. Oh, abandon not The sacred cause of thy wronged native land! I am the last of all my race. My name Ends with me. Yonder hang my helm and shield; They will be buried with me in the grave. [12] And must I think, when yielding up my breath, That thou but wait'st the closing of mine eyes, To stoop thy knee to this new feudal court, And take in vassalage from Austria's hands The noble lands, which I from God received Free and unfettered as the mountain air! RUDENZ. 'Tis vain for us to strive against the king. The world pertains to him: - shall we alone, In mad, presumptuous obstinacy strive To break that mighty chain of lands, which he Hath drawn around us with his giant grasp. His are the markets, his the courts; his too The highways; nay, the very carrier's horse, That traffics on the Gotthardt, pays him toll. By his dominions, as within a net, We are enclosed, and girded round about. - And will the empire shield us? Say, can it Protect itself 'gainst Austria's growing power? To God, and not to emperors, must we look! What store can on their promises be placed, When they, to meet their own necessities, Can pawn, and even alienate the towns That flee for shelter 'neath the eagle's wings? [13] No, uncle. It is wise and wholesome prudence, In times like these, when faction's all abroad, To own attachment to some mighty chief. The imperial crown's transferred from line to line, [14] It has no memory for faithful service: But to secure the favor of these great Hereditary masters, were to sow Seed for a future harvest. ATTINGHAUSEN. Art so wise? Wilt thou see clearer than thy noble sires, Who battled for fair freedom's costly gem, With life, and fortune, and heroic arm? Sail down the lake to Lucerne, there inquire, How Austria's rule doth weigh the Cantons down. Soon she will come to count our sheep, our cattle, To portion out the Alps, e'en to their summits, And in our own free woods to hinder us From striking down the eagle or the stag; To set her tolls on every bridge and gate, Impoverish us to swell her lust of sway, And drain our dearest blood to feed her wars. No, if our blood must flow, let it be shed In our own cause! We purchase liberty More cheaply far than bondage. RUDENZ. What can we, A shepherd race, against great Albert's hosts? ATTINGHAUSEN. Learn, foolish boy, to know this shepherd race! I know them, I have led them on in fight - I saw them in the battle at Favenz. Austria will try, forsooth, to force on us A yoke we are determined not to bear! Oh, learn to feel from what a race thou'rt sprung! Cast not, for tinsel trash and idle show, The precious jewel of thy worth away. To be the chieftain of a freeborn race, Bound to thee only by their unbought love, Ready to stand - to fight - to die with thee, Be that thy pride, be that thy noblest boast! Knit to thy heart the ties of kindred - home - Cling to the land, the dear land of thy sires, Grapple to that with thy whole heart and soul! Thy power is rooted deep and strongly here, But in yon stranger world thou'lt stand alone, A trembling reed beat down by every blast. Oh come! 'tis long since we have seen thee, Uly! Tarry but this one day. Only to-day Go not to Altdorf. Wilt thou? Not to-day! For this one day bestow thee on thy friends. [Takes his hand. RUDENZ. I gave my word. Unhand me! I am bound. ATTINGHAUSEN (drops his hand and says sternly). Bound, didst thou say? Oh yes, unhappy boy, Thou art, indeed. But not by word or oath. 'Tis by the silken mesh of love thou'rt bound. [RUDENZ turns away. Ay, hide thee, as thou wilt. 'Tis she, I know, Bertha of Bruneck, draws thee to the court; 'Tis she that chains thee to the emperor's service. Thou think'st to win the noble, knightly maid, By thy apostacy. Be not deceived. She is held out before thee as a lure; But never meant for innocence like thine. RUDENZ. No more; I've heard enough. So fare you well. [Exit. ATTINGHAUSEN. Stay, Uly! Stay! Rash boy, he's gone! I can Nor hold him back, nor save him from destruction. And so the Wolfshot has deserted us; - Others will follow his example soon. This foreign witchery, sweeping o'er our hills, Tears with its potent spell our youth away: O luckless hour, when men and manners strange Into these calm and happy valleys came, To warp our primitive and guileless ways. The new is pressing on with might. The old, The good, the simple, fleeteth fast away. New times come on. A race is springing up, That think not as their fathers thought before! What do I here? All, all are in the grave With whom ere while I moved and held converse; My age has long been laid beneath the sod: Happy the man who may not live to see What shall be done by those that follow me! SCENE II. A meadow surrounded by high rocks and wooded ground. On the rocks are tracks, with rails and ladders, by which the peasants are afterwards seen descending. In the background the lake is observed, and over it a moon rainbow in the early part of the scene. The prospect is closed by lofty mountains, with glaciers rising behind them. The stage is dark, but the lake and glaciers glisten in the moonlight. MELCHTHAL, BAUMGARTEN, WINKELRIED, MEYER VON SARNEN, BURKHART AM BUHEL, ARNOLD VON SEWA, KLAUS VON DER FLUE, and four other peasants, all armed. MELCHTHAL (behind the scenes). The mountain pass is open. Follow me I see the rock, and little cross upon it: This is the spot; here is the Rootli. [They enter with torches. WINKELRIED. Hark! SEWA. The coast is clear. MEYER. None of our comrades come? We are the first, we Unterwaldeners. MELCHTHAL. How far is't in the night? BAUMGARTEN. The beacon watch Upon the Selisberg has just called two. [A bell is heard at a distance. MEYER. Hush! Hark! BUHEL. The forest chapel's matin bell Chimes clearly o'er the lake from Switzerland. FLUE. The air is clear, and bears the sound so far. MELCHTHAL. Go, you and you, and light some broken boughs, Let's bid them welcome with a cheerful blaze. [Two peasants exeunt. SEWA. The moon shines fair to-night. Beneath its beams The lake reposes, bright as burnished steel. BUHEL. They'll have an easy passage. WINKELRIED (pointing to the lake). Ha! look there! See you nothing? MEYER. What is it? Ay, indeed! A rainbow in the middle of the night. MELCHTHAL. Formed by the bright reflection of the moon! FLUE. A sign most strange and wonderful, indeed! Many there be who ne'er have seen the like. SEWA. 'Tis doubled, see, a paler one above! BAUMGARTEN. A boat is gliding yonder right beneath it. MELCHTHAL. That must be Werner Stauffacher! I knew The worthy patriot would not tarry long. [Goes with BAUMGARTEN towards the shore. MEYER. The Uri men are like to be the last. BUHEL. They're forced to take a winding circuit through The mountains; for the viceroy's spies are out. [In the meanwhile the two peasants have kindled a fire in the centre of the stage. MELCHTHAL (on the shore). Who's there? The word? STAUFFACHER (from below). Friends of the country. [All retire up the stage, towards the party landing from the boat. Enter STAUFFACHER, ITEL, REDING, HANS AUF DER MAUER, JORG IM HOPE, CONRAD HUNN, ULRICH DER SCHMIDT, JOST VON WEILER, and three other peasants, armed. ALL. Welcome! [While the rest remain behind exchanging greetings, MELCHTHAL comes forward with STAUFFACHER. MELCHTHAL. Oh, worthy Stauffacher, I've looked but now On him, who could not look on me again. I've laid my hands upon his rayless eyes, And on their vacant orbits sworn a vow Of vengeance, only to be cooled in blood. STAUFFACHER. Speak not of vengeance. We are here to meet The threatened evil, not to avenge the past. Now tell me what you've done, and what secured, To aid the common cause in Unterwald. How stands the peasantry disposed, and how Yourself escaped the wiles of treachery? MELCHTHAL. Through the Surenen's fearful mountain chain, Where dreary ice-fields stretch on every side, And sound is none, save the hoarse vulture's cry, I reached the Alpine pasture, where the herds From Uri and from Engelberg resort, And turn their cattle forth to graze in common. Still as I went along, I slaked my thirst With the coarse oozings of the lofty glacier, That through the crevices come foaming down, And turned to rest me in the herdsman's cots, [15] Where I was host and guest, until I gained The cheerful homes and social haunts of men. Already through these distant vales had spread The rumor of this last atrocity; And wheresoe'er I went, at every door, Kind words and gentle looks were there to greet me. I found these simple spirits all in arms Against our rulers' tyrannous encroachments. For as their Alps through each succeeding year Yield the same roots, - their streams flow ever on In the same channels, - nay, the clouds and winds The selfsame course unalterably pursue, So have old customs there, from sire to son, Been handed down, unchanging and unchanged; Nor will they brook to swerve or turn aside From the fixed, even tenor of their life. With grasp of their hard hands they welcomed me - Took from the walls their rusty falchions down - And from their eyes the soul of valor flashed With joyful lustre, as I spoke those names, Sacred to every peasant in the mountains, Your own and Walter Fuerst's. Whate'er your voice Should dictate as the right they swore to do; And you they swore to follow e'en to death. So sped I on from house to house, secure In the guest's sacred privilege - and when I reached at last the valley of my home, Where dwell my kinsmen, scattered far and near - And when I found my father stripped and blind, Upon the stranger's straw, fed by the alms Of charity - - STAUFFACHER. Great heaven! MELCHTHAL. Yet wept I not! No - not in weak and unavailing tears Spent I the force of my fierce, burning anguish; Deep in my bosom, like some precious treasure, I locked it fast, and thought on deeds alone. Through every winding of the hills I crept - No valley so remote but I explored it; Nay, even at the glacier's ice-clad base, I sought and found the homes of living men; And still, where'er my wandering footsteps turned, The self-same hatred of these tyrants met me. For even there, at vegetation's verge, Where the numbed earth is barren of all fruits, There grasping hands had been stretched forth for plunder. Into the hearts of all this honest race, The story of my wrongs struck deep, and now They to a man are ours; both heart and hand. Great things, indeed, you've wrought in little time. MELCHTHAL. I did still more than this. The fortresses, Rossberg and Sarnen, are the country's dread; For from behind their rocky walls the foe Swoops, as the eagle from his eyrie, down, And, safe himself, spreads havoc o'er the land. With my own eyes I wished to weigh its strength, So went to Sarnen, and explored the castle. STAUFFACHER. How! Risk thyself even in the tiger's den? MELCHTHAL. Disguised in pilgrim's weeds I entered it; I saw the viceroy feasting at his board - Judge if I'm master of myself or no! I saw the tyrant, and I slew him not! STAUFFACHER. Fortune, indeed, has smiled upon your boldness. [Meanwhile the others have arrived and join MELCHTHAL and STAUFFACHER. Yet tell me now, I pray, who are the friends, The worthy men, who came along with you? Make me acquainted with them, that we may Speak frankly, man to man, and heart to heart. MEYER. In the three Cantons, who, sir, knows not you? Meyer of Sarnen is my name; and this Is Struth of Winkelried, my sister's son. STAUFFACHER. No unknown name. A Winkelried it was Who slew the dragoon in the fen at Weiler, And lost his life in the encounter, too. WINKELRIED. That, Master Stauffacher, was my grandfather. MELCHTHAL (pointing to two peasants). These two are men belonging to the convent Of Engelberg, and live behind the forest. You'll not think ill of them, because they're serfs, And sit not free upon the soil, like us. They love the land, and bear a good repute. STAUFFACHER (to them). Give me your hands. He has good cause for thanks, That unto no man owes his body's service. But worth is worth, no matter where 'tis found. HUNN. That is Herr Reding, sir, our old Landamman. MEYER. I know him well. There is a suit between us, About a piece of ancient heritage. Herr Reding, we are enemies in court, Here we are one. [Shakes his hand. STAUFFACHER. That's well and bravely said. WINKELRIED. Listen! They come. Hark to the horn of Uri! [On the right and left armed men are seen descending the rocks with torches. MAUER. Look, is not that God's pious servant there? A worthy priest! The terrors of the night, And the way's pains and perils scare not him, A faithful shepherd caring for his flock. BAUMGARTEN. The Sacrist follows him, and Walter Fuerst. But where is Tell? I do not see him there. [WALTER FURST, ROSSELMANN the Pastor, PETERMANN the Sacrist, KUONI the Shepherd, WERNI the huntsman, RUODI the Fisherman, and five other countrymen, thirty-three in all, advance and take their places round the fire. FURST. Thus must we, on the soil our fathers left us, Creep forth by stealth to meet like murderers, And in the night, that should their mantle lend Only to crime and black conspiracy, Assert our own good rights, which yet are clear As is the radiance of the noonday sun. MELCHTHAL. So be it. What is woven in gloom of night Shall free and boldly meet the morning light. ROSSELMANN. Confederates! listen to the words which God Inspires my heart withal. Here we are met To represent the general weal. In us Are all the people of the land convened. Then let us hold the Diet, as of old, And as we're wont in peaceful times to do. The time's necessity be our excuse If there be aught informal in this meeting. Still, wheresoe'er men strike for justice, there Is God, and now beneath his heaven we stand. STAUFFACHER. 'Tis well advised. Let us, then, hold the Diet According to our ancient usages. Though it be night there's sunshine in our cause. MELCHTHAL. Few though our numbers be, the hearts are here Of the whole people; here the best are met. HUNN. The ancient books may not be near at hand, Yet are they graven in our inmost hearts. ROSSELMANN. 'Tis well. And now, then, let a ring be formed, And plant the swords of power within the ground. [16] MAUER. Let the Landamman step into his place, And by his side his secretaries stand. SACRIST. There are three Cantons here. Which hath the right To give the head to the united council? Schwytz may contest the dignity with Uri, We Unterwaldeners enter not the field. MELCHTHAL. We stand aside. We are not suppliants here, Invoking aid from our more potent friends. STAUFFACHER. Let Uri have the sword. Her banner takes In battle the precedence of our own. FURST. Schwytz, then, must share the honor of the sword; For she's the honored ancestor of all. ROSSELMANN. Let me arrange this generous controversy. Uri shall lead in battle - Schwytz in council. FURST (gives STAUFFACHER his hand). Then take your place. STAUFFACHER. Not I. Some older man. HOFE. Ulrich, the smith, is the most aged here. MAUER. A worthy man, but he is not a freeman; No bondman can be judge in Switzerland. STAUFFACHER. Is not Herr Reding here, our old Landamman? Where can we find a worthier man than he? FURST. Let him be Amman and the Diet's chief? You that agree with me hold up your hands! [All hold up their right hands. REDING (stepping into the centre). I cannot lay my hands upon the books; But by yon everlasting stars I swear Never to swerve from justice and the right. [The two swords are placed before him, and a circle formed; Schwytz in the centre, Uri on his right, Unterwald on his left. REDING (resting on his battle-sword). Why, at the hour when spirits walk the earth, Meet the three Cantons of the mountains here, Upon the lake's inhospitable shore? And what the purport of the new alliance We here contract beneath the starry heaven? STAUFFACHER (entering the circle). No new alliance do we now contract, But one our fathers framed, in ancient times, We purpose to renew! For know, confederates, Though mountain ridge and lake divide our bounds, And every Canton's ruled by its own laws, Yet are we but one race, born of one blood, And all are children of one common home. WINKELRIED. Then is the burden of our legends true, That we came hither from a distant land? Oh, tell us what you know, that our new league May reap fresh vigor from the leagues of old. STAUFFACHER. Hear, then, what aged herdsmen tell. There dwelt A mighty people in the land that lies Back to the north. The scourge of famine came; And in this strait 'twas publicly resolved, That each tenth man, on whom the lot might fall Should leave the country. They obeyed - and forth, With loud lamentings, men and women went, A mighty host; and to the south moved on, Cutting their way through Germany by the sword, Until they gained that pine-clad hills of ours; Nor stopped they ever on their forward course, Till at the shaggy dell they halted, where The Mueta flows through its luxuriant meads. No trace of human creature met their eye, Save one poor hut upon the desert shore, Where dwelt a lonely man, and kept the ferry. A tempest raged - the lake rose mountains high And barred their further progress. Thereupon They viewed the country; found it rich in wood, Discovered goodly springs, and felt as they Were in their own dear native land once more. Then they resolved to settle on the spot; Erected there the ancient town of Schwytz; And many a day of toil had they to clear The tangled brake and forest's spreading roots. Meanwhile their numbers grew, the soil became Unequal to sustain them, and they crossed To the black mountain, far as Weissland, where, Concealed behind eternal walls of ice, Another people speak another tongue. They built the village Stanz, beside the Kernwald The village Altdorf, in the vale of Reuss; Yet, ever mindful of their parent stem, The men of Schwytz, from all the stranger race, That since that time have settled in the land, Each other recognize. Their hearts still know, And beat fraternally to kindred blood. [Extends his hand right and left. MAUER. Ay, we are all one heart, one blood, one race! ALL (joining hands). We are one people, and will act as one. STAUFFACHER. The nations round us bear a foreign yoke; For they have yielded to the conqueror. Nay, even within our frontiers may be found Some that owe villein service to a lord, A race of bonded serfs from sire to son. But we, the genuine race of ancient Swiss, Have kept our freedom from the first till now, Never to princes have we bowed the knee; Freely we sought protection of the empire. ROSSELMANN. Freely we sought it - freely it was given. 'Tis so set down in Emperor Frederick's charter. STAUFFACHER. For the most free have still some feudal lord. There must be still a chief, a judge supreme, To whom appeal may lie in case of strife. And therefore was it that our sires allowed For what they had recovered from the waste, This honor to the emperor, the lord Of all the German and Italian soil; And, like the other freemen of his realm, Engaged to aid him with their swords in war; And this alone should be the freeman's duty, To guard the empire that keeps guard for him. MELCHTHAL. He's but a slave that would acknowledge more. STAUFFACHER. They followed, when the Heribann [17] went forth, The imperial standard, and they fought its battles! To Italy they marched in arms, to place The Caesars' crown upon the emperor's head. But still at home they ruled themselves in peace, By their own laws and ancient usages. The emperor's only right was to adjudge The penalty of death; he therefore named Some mighty noble as his delegate, That had no stake or interest in the land. He was called in, when doom was to be passed, And, in the face of day, pronounced decree, Clear and distinctly, fearing no man's hate. What traces here, that we are bondsmen? Speak, If there be any can gainsay my words! HOFE. No! You have spoken but the simple truth; We never stooped beneath a tyrant's yoke. STAUFFACHER. Even to the emperor we refused obedience, When he gave judgment in the church's favor; For when the Abbey of Einsiedlen claimed The Alp our fathers and ourselves had grazed, And showed an ancient charter, which bestowed The land on them as being ownerless - For our existence there had been concealed - What was our answer? This: "The grant is void, No emperor can bestow what is our own: And if the empire shall deny us justice, We can, within our mountains, right ourselves!" Thus spake our fathers! And shall we endure The shame and infamy of this new yoke, And from the vassal brook what never king Dared in the fulness of his power attempt? This soil we have created for ourselves, By the hard labor of our hands; we've changed The giant forest, that was erst the haunt Of savage bears, into a home for man; Extirpated the dragon's brood, that wont To rise, distent with venom, from the swamps; Rent the thick misty canopy that hung Its blighting vapors on the dreary waste; Blasted the solid rock; o'er the abyss Thrown the firm bridge for the wayfaring man By the possession of a thousand years The soil is ours. And shall an alien lord, Himself a vassal, dare to venture here, On our own hearths insult us, - and attempt To forge the chains of bondage for our hands, And do us shame on our own proper soil? Is there no help against such wrong as this? [Great sensation among the people. Yes! there's a limit to the despot's power! When the oppressed looks round in vain for justice, When his sore burden may no more be borne, With fearless heart he makes appeal to Heaven, And thence brings down his everlasting rights, Which there abide, inalienably his, And indestructible as are the stars. Nature's primeval state returns again, Where man stands hostile to his fellow-man; And if all other means shall fail his need, One last resource remains - his own good sword. Our dearest treasures call to us for aid Against the oppressor's violence; we stand For country, home, for wives, for children here! ALL (clashing their swords). Here stand we for our homes, our wives, and children. ROSSELMANN (stepping into the circle). Bethink ye well before ye draw the sword. Some peaceful compromise may yet be made; Speak but one word, and at your feet you'll see The men who now oppress you. Take the terms That have been often tendered you; renounce The empire, and to Austria swear allegiance! MAUER. What says the priest? To Austria allegiance? BUHEL. Hearken not to him! WINKELRLED. 'Tis a traitor's counsel, His country's foe! REDING. Peace, peace, confederates! SEWA. Homage to Austria, after wrongs like these! FLUE. Shall Austria exert from us by force What we denied to kindness and entreaty? MEYER. Then should we all be slaves, deservedly. MAUER. Yes! Let him forfeit all a Switzer's rights Who talks of yielding to the yoke of Austria! I stand on this, Landamman. Let this be The foremost of our laws! MELCHTHAL. Even so! Whoever Shall talk of tamely bearing Austria's yoke, Let him be stripped of all his rights and honors; And no man hence receive him at his hearth! ALL (raising their right hands). Agreed! Be this the law! REDING (after a pause). The law it is. ROSSELMANN. Now you are free - by this law you are free. Never shall Austria obtain by force What she has failed to gain by friendly suit. WEILER. On with the order of the day! Proceed! REDING. Confederates! Have all gentler means been tried? Perchance the emperor knows not of our wrongs, It may not be his will that thus we suffer: Were it not well to make one last attempt, And lay our grievances before the throne, Ere we unsheath the sword? Force is at best A fearful thing even in a righteous cause; God only helps when man can help no more. STAUFFACHER (to CONRAD HUNN). Here you can give us information. Speak! HUNN. I was at Rheinfeld, at the emperor's palace, Deputed by the Cantons to complain Of the oppression of these governors, And claim the charter of our ancient freedom, Which each new king till now has ratified. I found the envoys there of many a town, From Suabia and the valley of the Rhine, Who all received their parchments as they wished And straight went home again with merry heart. They sent for me, your envoy, to the council, Where I was soon dismissed with empty comfort; "The emperor at present was engaged; Some other time he would attend to us!" I turned away, and passing through the hall, With heavy heart in a recess I saw The Grand Duke John [18] in tears, and by his side The noble lords of Wart and Tegerfeld, Who beckoned me, and said, "Redress yourselves. Expect not justice from the emperor. Does he not plunder his own brother's child, And keep from him his just inheritance?" The duke claims his maternal property, Urging he's now of age, and 'tis full time That he should rule his people and dominions; What is the answer made to him? The king Places a chaplet on his head: "Behold, The fitting ornament," he cries, "of youth!" MAUER. You hear. Expect not from the emperor Or right, or justice. Then redress yourselves! REDING. No other course is left us. Now, advise What plan most likely to insure success. FURST. To shake a thraldom off that we abhor, To keep our ancient rights inviolate, As we received them from our forefathers - this, Not lawless innovation, is our aim. Let Caesar still retain what is his due; And he that is a vassal let him pay The service he is sworn to faithfully. MEYER. I hold my land of Austria in fief. FURST. Continue, then, to pay your feudal service. WEILER. I'm tenant of the lords of Rappersweil. FURST. Continue, then, to pay them rent and tithe. ROSSELMANN. Of Zurich's lady, I'm the humble vassal. FURST. Give to the cloister what the cloister claims. STAUFFACHER. The empire only is my feudal lord. FURST. What needs must be, we'll do, but nothing further. We'll drive these tyrants and their minions hence, And raze their towering strongholds to the ground, Yet shed, if possible, no drop of blood. Let the emperor see that we were driven to cast The sacred duties of respect away; And when he finds we keep within our bounds, His wrath, belike, may yield to policy; For truly is that nation to be feared, That, when in arms, is temperate in its wrath. REDING. But, prithee, tell us how may this be done? The enemy is armed as well as we, And, rest assured, he will not yield in peace. STAUFFACHER. He will, whene'er he sees us up in arms; We shall surprise him, ere he is prepared. MEYER. 'Tis easily said, but not so easily done. Two fortresses of strength command the country. They shield the foe, and should the king invade us, The task would then be dangerous indeed. Rossberg and Sarnen both must be secured, Before a sword is drawn in either Canton. STAUFFACHER. Should we delay, the foe will soon be warned; We are too numerous for secrecy. MEYER. There is no traitor in the Forest States. ROSSELMANN. But even zeal may heedlessly betray. FURST. Delay it longer, and the keep at Altdorf Will be complete, - the governor secure. MEYER. You think but of yourselves. SACRISTAN. You are unjust! MEYER. Unjust! said you? Dares Uri taunt us so? REDING. Peace, on your oath! MEYER. If Schwytz be leagued with Uri, Why then, indeed, we must perforce be silent. REDING. And let me tell you, in the Diet's name, Your hasty spirit much disturbs the peace. Stand we not all for the same common cause? WINKELRIED. What, if we delay till Christmas? 'Tis then The custom for the serfs to throng the castle, Bringing the governor their annual gifts. Thus may some ten or twelve selected men Assemble unobserved within its walls, Bearing about their persons pikes of steel, Which may be quickly mounted upon staves, For arms are not admitted to the fort. The rest can fill the neighboring wood, prepared To sally forth upon a trumpet's blast, Whene'er their comrades have secured the gate; And thus the castle will be ours with ease. MELCHTHAL. The Rossberg I will undertake to scale, I have a sweetheart in the garrison, Whom with some tender words I could persuade To lower me at night a hempen ladder. Once up, my friends will not be long behind. REDING. Are all resolved in favor of delay? [The majority raise their hands. STAUFFACHER (counting them). Twenty to twelve is the majority. FURST. If on the appointed day the castles fall, From mountain on to mountain we shall pass The fiery signal: in the capital Of every Canton quickly rouse the Landsturm. [19] Then, when these tyrants see our martial front, Believe me, they will never make so bold As risk the conflict, but will gladly take Safe conduct forth beyond our boundaries. STAUFFACHER. Not so with Gessler. He will make a stand. Surrounded with his dread array of horse, Blood will he shed before he quits the field. And even expelled he'd still be terrible. 'Tis hard, indeed 'tis dangerous, to spare him. BAUMGARTEN. Place me where'er a life is to be lost; I owe my life to Tell, and cheerfully Will pledge it for my country. I have cleared My honor, and my heart is now at rest. REDING. Counsel will come with circumstance. Be patient. Something must still be trusted to the moment. Yet, while by night we hold our Diet here, The morning, see, has on the mountain-tops Kindled her glowing beacon. Let us part, Ere the broad sun surprise us. FURST. Do not fear. The night wanes slowly from these vales of ours. [All have involuntarily taken off their caps, and contemplate the breaking of day, absorbed in silence. ROSSELMANN. By this fair light, which greeteth us, before Those other nations, that, beneath us far, In noisome cities pent, draw painful breath, Swear we the oath of our confederacy! We swear to be a nation of true brothers, Never to part in danger or in death! [They repeat his words with three fingers raised. We swear we will be free, as were our sires, And sooner die than live in slavery! [All repeat as before. We swear to put our trust in God Most High, And not to quail before the might of man! [All repeat as before, and embrace each other. STAUFFACHER. Now every man pursue his several way Back to his friends his kindred, and his home. Let the herd winter up his flock and gain In silence, friends, for our confederacy! What for a time must be endured, endure. And let the reckoning of the tyrants grow, Till the great day arrive, when they shall pay The general and particular debt at once. Let every man control his own just rage, And nurse his vengeance for the public wrongs; For he whom selfish interest now engage Defrauds the general weal of what to it belongs. [As they are going off in profound silence, in three different directions, the orchestra plays a solemn air. The empty scene remains open for some time, showing the rays of the sun rising over the glaciers. ACT III. SCENE I. Court before TELL'S house. TELL with an axe. HEDWIG engaged in her domestic duties. WALTER and WILHELM in the background playing with a little cross-bow. WALTER (sings). With his cross-bow and his quiver The huntsman speeds his way, Over mountain, dale, and river At the dawning of the day. As the eagle, on wild pinion, Is the king in realms of air; So the hunter claims dominion Over crag and forest lair. Far as ever bow can carry Through the trackless, airy space, All he sees he makes his quarry, Soaring bird and beast of chase. WILHELM (runs forward). My string has snapped! Wilt mend it for me, father? TELL. Not I; a true-born archer helps himself. [Boys retire. HEDWIG. The boys begin to use the bow betimes. TELL. 'Tis early practice only makes the master. HEDWIG. Ah! Would to heaven they never learnt the art! TELL. But they shall learn it, wife, in all its points. Whoe'er would carve an independent way Through life must learn to ward or plant a blow. HEDWIG. Alas, alas! and they will never rest Contentedly at home. TELL. No more can I! I was not framed by nature for a shepherd. Restless I must pursue a changing course; I only feel the flush and joy of life In starting some fresh quarry every day. HEDWIG. Heedless the while of all your wife's alarms As she sits watching through long hours at home. For my soul sinks with terror at the tales The servants tell about your wild adventures. Whene'er we part my trembling heart forebodes That you will ne'er come back to me again. I see you on the frozen mountain steeps, Missing, perchance, your leap from cliff to cliff; I see the chamois, with a wild rebound, Drag you down with him o'er the precipice. I see the avalanche close o'er your head, The treacherous ice give way, and you sink down Entombed alive within its hideous gulf. Ah! in a hundred varying forms does death Pursue the Alpine huntsman on his course. That way of life can surely ne'er be blessed, Where life and limb are perilled every hour. TELL. The man that bears a quick and steady eye, And trusts to God and his own lusty sinews, Passes, with scarce a scar, through every danger. The mountain cannot awe the mountain child. [Having finished his work, he lays aside his tools. And now, methinks, the door will hold awhile. The axe at home oft saves the carpenter. HEDWIG. Whither away! [Takes his cap. TELL. To Altdorf, to your father. HEDWIG. You have some dangerous enterprise in view? Confess! TELL. Why think you so? HEDWIG. Some scheme's on foot, Against the governors. There was a Diet Held on the Rootli - that I know - and you Are one of the confederacy I'm sure. TELL. I was not there. Yet will I not hold back Whene'er my country calls me to her aid. HEDWIG. Wherever danger is, will you be placed. On you, as ever, will the burden fall. TELL. Each man shall have the post that fits his powers. HEDWIG. You took - ay, 'mid the thickest of the storm - The man of Unterwald across the lake. 'Tis a marvel you escaped. Had you no thought Of wife and children then? TELL. Dear wife, I bad; And therefore saved the father for his children. HEDWIG. To brave the lake in all its wrath; 'Twas not To put your trust in God! 'Twas tempting him. TELL. The man that's over-cautious will do little. HEDWIG. Yes, you've a kind and helping hand for all; But be in straits and who will lend you aid? TELL. God grant I ne'er may stand in need of it! [Takes up his crossbow and arrows. HEDWIG. Why take your crossbow with you? Leave it here. TELL. I want my right hand when I want my bow. [The boys return. WALTER. Where, father, are you going? TELL. To grand-dad, boy - To Altdorf. Will you go? WALTER. Ay, that I will! HEDWIG. The viceroy's there just now. Go not to Altdorf. TELL. He leaves to-day. HEDWIG. Then let him first be gone, Cross not his path. You know he bears us grudge. TELL. His ill-will cannot greatly injure me. I do what's right, and care for no man's hate. HEDWIG. 'Tis those who do what's right whom he most hates. TELL. Because he cannot reach them. Me, I ween, His knightship will be glad to leave in peace. HEDWIG. Ay! Are you sure of that? TELL. Not long ago, As I was hunting through the wild ravines Of Shechenthal, untrod by mortal foot, - There, as I took my solitary way Along a shelving ledge of rocks, where 'twas Impossible to step on either side; For high above rose, like a giant wall, The precipice's side, and far below The Shechen thundered o'er its rifted bed; - [The boys press towards him, looking upon him with excited curiosity. There, face to face, I met the viceroy. He Alone with me - and I myself alone - Mere man to man, and near us the abyss. And when his lordship had perused my face, And knew the man he had severely fined On some most trivial ground not long before; And saw me, with my sturdy bow in hand, Come striding towards him, then his cheek grew pale, His knees refused their office, and I thought He would have sunk against the mountain side. Then, touched with pity for him, I advanced, Respectfully, and said, "'Tis I, my lord." But ne'er a sound could he compel his lips To frame an answer. Only with his hand He beckoned me in silence to proceed. So I passed on, and sent his train to seek him. HEDWIG. He trembled then before you? Woe the while You saw his weakness; that he'll not forgive. TELL. I shun him, therefore, and he'll not seek me. HEDWIG. But stay away to day. Go hunting rather! TELL. What do you fear? HEDWIG. I am uneasy. Stay. TELL. Why thus distress yourself without a cause? HEDWIG. Because there is no cause. Tell, Tell! stay here! TELL. Dear wife, I gave my promise I would go. HEDWIG. Must you, - then go. But leave the boys with me. WALTER. No, mother dear, I'm going with my father. HEDWIG. How, Walter! Will you leave your mother then? WALTER. I'll bring you pretty things from grandpapa. [Exit with his father. WILHELM. Mother, I'll stay with you! HEDWIG (embracing him). Yes, yes! thou art My own dear child. Thou'rt all that's left to me. [She goes to the gate of the court, and looks anxiously after TELL and her son for a considerable time. SCENE II. A retired part of the Forest. Brooks dashing in spray over the rocks. Enter BERTHA in a hunting dress. Immediately afterwards RUDENZ. BERTHA. He follows me. Now to explain myself! RUDENZ (entering hastily). At length, dear lady, we have met alone In this wild dell, with rocks on every side, No jealous eye can watch our interview. Now let my heart throw off this weary silence. BERTHA. But are you sure they will not follow us? RUDENZ. See, yonder goes the chase. Now, then, or never! I must avail me of the precious moment, - Must hear my doom decided by thy lips, Though it should part me from thy side forever. Oh, do not arm that gentle face of thine With looks so stern and harsh! Who - who am I, That dare aspire so high as unto thee? Fame hath not stamped me yet; nor may I take My place amid the courtly throng of knights, That, crowned with glory's lustre, woo thy smiles. Nothing have I to offer but a heart That overflows with truth and love for thee. BERTHA (sternly and with severity). And dare you speak to me of love - of truth? You, that are faithless to your nearest ties! You, that are Austria's slave - bartered and sold To her - an alien, and your country's tyrant! RUDENZ. How! This reproach from thee! Whom do I seek On Austria's side, my own beloved, but thee? BERTHA. Think you to find me in the traitor's ranks? Now, as I live, I'd rather give my hand To Gessler's self, all despot though he be, Than to the Switzer who forgets his birth, And stoops to be the minion of a tyrant. RUDENZ. Oh heaven, what must I hear! BERTHA. Say! what can lie Nearer the good man's heart than friends and kindred? What dearer duty to a noble soul Than to protect weak, suffering innocence, And vindicate the rights of the oppressed? My very soul bleeds for your countrymen; I suffer with them, for I needs must love them; They are so gentle, yet so full of power; They draw my whole heart to them. Every day I look upon them with increased esteem. But you, whom nature and your knightly vow, Have given them as their natural protector, Yet who desert them and abet their foes, In forging shackles for your native land, You - you it is, that deeply grieve and wound me. I must constrain my heart, or I shall hate you. RUDENZ. Is not my country's welfare all my wish? What seek I for her but to purchase peace 'Neath Austria's potent sceptre? BERTHA. Bondage, rather! You would drive freedom from the last stronghold That yet remains for her upon the earth. The people know their own true interests better: Their simple natures are not warped by show, But round your head a tangling net is wound. RUDENZ. Bertha, you hate me - you despise me! BERTHA. Nay! And if I did, 'twere better for my peace. But to see him despised and despicable, - The man whom one might love. RUDENZ. Oh, Bertha! You Show me the pinnacle of heavenly bliss, Then, in a moment, hurl me to despair! BERTHA. No, no! the noble is not all extinct Within you. It but slumbers, - I will rouse it. It must have cost you many a fiery struggle To crush the virtues of your race within you. But, heaven be praised, 'tis mightier than yourself, And you are noble in your own despite! RUDENZ. You trust me, then? Oh, Bertha, with thy love What might I not become? BERTHA. Be only that For which your own high nature destined you. Fill the position you were born to fill; - Stand by your people and your native land. And battle for your sacred rights! RUDENZ. Alas! How can I hope to win you - to possess you, If I take arms against the emperor? Will not your potent kinsman interpose, To dictate the disposal of your hand? BERTHA. All my estates lie in the Forest Cantons; And I am free, when Switzerland is free. RUDENZ. Oh! what a prospect, Bertha, hast thou shown me! BERTHA. Hope not to win my hand by Austria's favor; Fain would they lay their grasp on my estates, To swell the vast domains which now they hold. The selfsame lust of conquest that would rob You of your liberty endangers mine. Oh, friend, I'm marked for sacrifice; - to be The guerdon of some parasite, perchance! They'll drag me hence to the imperial court That hateful haunt of falsehood and intrigue; There do detested marriage bonds await me. Love, love alone, - your love can rescue me. RUDENZ. And thou could'st be content, love, to live here, In my own native land to be my own? Oh, Bertha, all the yearnings of my soul For this great world and its tumultuous strife, What were they, but a yearning after thee? In glory's path I sought for thee alone And all my thirst of fame was only love. But if in this calm vale thou canst abide With me, and bid earth's pomps and pride adieu, Then is the goal of my ambition won; And the rough tide of the tempestuous world May dash and rave around these firm-set hills! No wandering wishes more have I to send Forth to the busy scene that stirs beyond. Then may these rocks that girdle us extend Their giants walls impenetrably round, And this sequestered happy vale alone Look up to heaven, and be my paradise! BERTHA. Now art thou all my fancy dreamed of thee. My trust has not been given to thee in vain. RUDENZ. Away, ye idle phantoms of my folly! In mine own home I'll find my happiness. Here where the gladsome boy to manhood grew, Where every brook, and tree, and mountain peak, Teems with remembrances of happy hours, In mine own native land thou wilt be mine. Ah, I have ever loved it well, I feel How poor without it were all earthly joys. BERTHA. Where should we look for happiness on earth, If not in this dear land of innocence? Here, where old truth hath its familiar home, Where fraud and guile are strangers, envy ne'er Shall dim the sparkling fountain of our bliss, And ever bright the hours shall o'er us glide. There do I see thee, in true manly worth, The foremost of the free and of thy peers, Revered with homage pure and unconstrained, Wielding a power that kings might envy thee. RUDENZ. And thee I see, thy sex's crowning gem, With thy sweet woman grace and wakeful love, Building a heaven for me within my home, And, as the springtime scatters forth her flowers, Adorning with thy charms my path of life, And spreading joy and sunshine all around. BERTHA. And this it was, dear friend, that caused my grief, To see thee blast this life's supremest bliss, With thine own hand. Ah! what had been my fate, Had I been forced to follow some proud lord, Some ruthless despot, to his gloomy castle! Here are no castles, here no bastioned walls Divide me from a people I can bless. RUDENZ. Yet, how to free myself; to loose the coils Which I have madly twined around my head? BERTHA. Tear them asunder with a man's resolve. Whatever the event, stand by the people. It is thy post by birth. [Hunting horns are heard in the distance. But bark! The chase! Farewell, - 'tis needful we should part - away! Fight for thy land; thou lightest for thy love. One foe fills all our souls with dread; the blow That makes one free emancipates us all. [Exeunt severally. SCENE III. A meadow near Altdorf. Trees in the foreground. At the back of the stage a cap upon a pole. The prospect is bounded by the Bannberg, which is surmounted by a snow-capped mountain. FRIESSHARDT and LEUTHOLD on guard. FRIESSHARDT. We keep our watch in vain. There's not a soul Will pass and do obeisance to the cap. But yesterday the place swarmed like a fair; Now the whole green looks like a very desert, Since yonder scarecrow hung upon the pole. LEUTHHOLD. Only the vilest rabble show themselves, And wave their tattered caps in mockery at us. All honest citizens would sooner make A tedious circuit over half the town Than bend their backs before our master's cap. FRIESSHARDT. They were obliged to pass this way at noon, As they were coming from the council house. I counted then upon a famous catch, For no one thought of bowing to the cap. But Rosselmann, the priest, was even with me: Coming just then from some sick penitent, He stands before the pole - raises the Host - The Sacrist, too, must tinkle with his bell - When down they dropped on knee - myself and all In reverence to the Host, but not the cap. LEUTHOLD. Hark ye, companion, I've a shrewd suspicion, Our post's no better than the pillory. It is a burning shame, a trooper should Stand sentinel before an empty cap, And every honest fellow must despise us, To do obeisance to a cap, too! Faith, I never heard an order so absurd! FRIESSHARDT. Why not, an't please thee, to an empty cap. Thou'st ducked, I'm sure, to many an empty sconce. [HILDEGARD, MECHTHILD, and ELSBETH enter with their children and station themselves around the pole. LEUTHOLD. And thou art an officious sneaking knave, That's fond of bringing honest folks to trouble. For my part, he that likes may pass the cap I'll shut my eyes and take no note of him. MECHTHILD. There hangs the viceroy! Your obeisance, children! ELSBETH. I would to God he'd go, and leave his cap! The country would be none the worse for it. FRIESSHARDT (driving them away). Out of the way! Confounded pack of gossips! Who sent for you? Go, send your husbands here, If they have courage to defy the order. [TELL enters with his crossbow, leading his son WALTER by the hand. They pass the hat without noticing it, and advance to the front of the stage. WALTER (pointing to the Bannberg). Father, is't true, that on the mountain there, The trees, if wounded with a hatchet, bleed? TELL. Who says so, boy? WALTER. The master herdsman, father! He tells us there's a charm upon the trees, And if a man shall injure them, the hand That struck the blow will grow from out the grave. TELL. There is a charm about them, that's the truth. Dost see those glaciers yonder, those white horns, That seem to melt away into the sky? WALTER. They are the peaks that thunder so at night, And send the avalanches down upon us. TELL. They are; and Altdorf long ago had been Submerged beneath these avalanches' weight, Did not the forest there above the town Stand like a bulwark to arrest their fall. WALTER (after musing a little). And are there countries with no mountains, father? TELL. Yes, if we travel downwards from our heights, And keep descending in the rivers' courses, We reach a wide and level country, where Our mountain torrents brawl and foam no more, And fair, large rivers glide serenely on. All quarters of the heaven may there be scanned Without impediment. The corn grows there In broad and lovely fields, and all the land Is fair as any garden to the view. WALTER. But, father, tell me, wherefore haste we not Away to this delightful land, instead Of toiling here, and struggling as we do? TELL. The land is fair and bountiful as Heaven; But they who till it never may enjoy The fruits of what they sow. WALTER. Live they not free, As you do, on the land their fathers left them? TELL. The fields are all the bishop's or the king's. WALTER. But they may freely hunt among the woods? TELL. The game is all the monarch's - bird and beast. WALTER. But they, at least, may surely fish the streams? TELL. Stream, lake, and sea, all to the king belong. WALTER. Who is this king, of whom they're so afraid? TELL. He is the man who fosters and protects them. WALTER. Have they not courage to protect themselves? TELL. The neighbor there dare not his neighbor trust. WALTER. I should want breathing room in such a land, I'd rather dwell beneath the avalanches. TELL. 'Tis better, child, to have these glacier peaks Behind one's back than evil-minded men! [They are about to pass on. WALTER. See, father, see the cap on yonder pole! TELL. What is the cap to us? Come, let's be gone. [As he is going, FRIESSHARDT, presenting his pike, stops him. FRIESSHARDT. Stand, I command you, in the emperor's name. TELL (seizing the pike). What would ye? Wherefore do ye stop my path? FRIESSHARDT. You've broke the mandate, and must go with us. LEUTHOLD. You have not done obeisance to the cap. TELL. Friend, let me go. FRIESSHARDT. Away, away to prison! WALTER. Father to prison! Help! [Calling to the side scene. This way, you men! Good people, help! They're dragging him to prison! [ROSSELMANN, the priest, and the SACRISTAN, with three other men, enter. SACRISTAN. What's here amiss? ROSSELMANN. Why do you seize this man? FRIESSHARDT. He is an enemy of the king - a traitor! TELL (seizing him with violence). A traitor, I! ROSSELMANN. Friend, thou art wrong. 'Tis Tell, An honest man, and worthy citizen. WALTER (descries FURST, and runs up to him). Grandfather, help! they want to seize my father! FRIESSHARDT. Away to prison! FURST (running in). Stay! I offer bail. For God's sake, Tell, what is the matter here? [MELCHTHAL and STAUFFACHER enter. LEUTHOLD. He has contemned the viceroy's sovereign power, Refusing flatly to acknowledge it. STAUFFACHER. Has Tell done this? MELCHTHAL. Villain, thou knowest 'tis false! LEUTHOLD. He has not made obeisance to the cap. FURST. And shall for this to prison? Come, my friend, Take my security, and let him go. FRIESSHARDT. Keep your security for yourself - you'll need it. We only do our duty. Hence with him. MELCHTHAL (to the country people). This is too bad - shall we stand by, and see them. Drag him away before our very eyes? SACRISTAN. We are the strongest. Don't endure it, friends. Our countrymen will back us to a man. FRIESSHARDT. Who dares resist the governor's commands? OTHER THREE PEASANTS (running in). We'll help you. What's the matter? Down with them! [HILDEGARD, MECHTHILD, and ELSBETH return. TELL. Go, go, good people, I can help myself. Think you, had I a mind to use my strength, These pikes of theirs should daunt me? MELCHTHAL (to FRIESSHARDT). Only try - Try, if you dare, to force him from amongst us. FURST and STAUFFACHER. Peace, peace, friends! FRIESSHARDT (loudly). Riot! Insurrection, ho! [Hunting horns without. WOMEN. The governor! FRIESSHARDT (raising his voice). Rebellion! Mutiny! STAUFFACHER. Roar, till you burst, knave! ROSSELMANN and MELCHTHAL. Will you hold your tongue? FRIESSHARDT (calling still louder). Help, help, I say, the servants of the law! FURST. The viceroy here! Then we shall smart for this! [Enter GESSLER on horseback, with a falcon on his wrist; RUDOLPH DER HARRAS, BERTHA, and RUDENZ, and a numerous train of armed attendants, who form a circle of lances around the whole stage. HARRAS. Room for the viceroy! GESSLER. Drive the clowns apart. Why throng the people thus? Who calls for help? [General silence. Who was it? I will know. [FRIESSHARDT steps forward. And who art thou? And why hast thou this man in custody? [Gives his falcon to an attendant. FRIESSHARDT. Dread sir, I am a soldier of your guard, And stationed sentinel beside the cap; This man I apprehended in the act Of passing it without obeisance due, So I arrested him, as you gave order, Whereon the people tried to rescue him. GESSLER (after a pause). And do you, Tell, so lightly hold your king, And me, who act as his vicegerent here, That you refuse the greeting to the cap I hung aloft to test your loyalty? I read in this a disaffected spirit. TELL. Pardon me, good my lord! The action sprung From inadvertence, - not from disrespect. Were I discreet, I were not William Tell. Forgive me now - I'll not offend again. GESSLER (after a pause). I hear, Tell, you're a master with the bow, - And bear the palm away from every rival. WALTER. That must be true, sir! At a hundred yards He'll shoot an apple for you off the tree. GESSLER. Is that boy thine, Tell? TELL. Yes, my gracious lord. GESSLER. Hast any more of them? TELL. Two boys, my lord. GESSLER. And, of the two, which dost thou love the most? TELL. Sir, both the boys are dear to me alike. GESSLER. Then, Tell, since at a hundred yards thou canst Bring down the apple from the tree, thou shalt Approve thy skill before me. Take thy bow - Thou hast it there at hand - and make thee ready To shoot an apple from the stripling's head! But take this counsel, - look well to thine aim, See that thou hittest the apple at the first, For, shouldst thou miss, thy head shall pay the forfeit. [All give signs of horror. TELL. What monstrous thing, my lord, is this you ask? That I, from the head of mine own child! - No, no! It cannot be, kind sir, you meant not that - God in His grace forbid! You could not ask A father seriously to do that thing! GESSLER. Thou art to shoot an apple from his head! I do desire - command it so. TELL. What, I! Level my crossbow at the darling head Of mine own child? No - rather let me die! GESSLER. Or thou must shoot, or with thee dies the boy. TELL. Shall I become the murderer of my child! You have no children, sir - you do not know The tender throbbings of a father's heart. GESSLER. How now, Tell, so discreet upon a sudden I had been told thou wert a visionary, - A wanderer from the paths of common men. Thou lovest the marvellous. So have I now Culled out for thee a task of special daring. Another man might pause and hesitate; Thou dashest at it, heart and soul, at once. BERTHA. Oh, do not jest, my lord, with these poor souls! See, how they tremble, and how pale they look, So little used are they to hear thee jest. GESSLER. Who tells thee that I jest? [Grasping a branch above his head. Here is the apple. Room there, I say! And let him take his distance - Just eighty paces-as the custom is Not an inch more or less! It was his boast, That at a hundred he could bit his man. Now, archer, to your task, and look you miss not! HARRAS: Heavens! this grows serious - down, boy, on your knees, And beg the governor to spare your life. FURST (aside to MELCHTHAL, who can scarcely restrain his impatience). Command yourself - be calm, I beg of you! BERTHA (to the governor). Let this suffice you, sir! It is inhuman To trifle with a father's anguish thus. Although this wretched man had forfeited Both life and limb for such a slight offence, Already has he suffered tenfold death. Send him away uninjured to his home; He'll know thee well in future; and this hour He and his children's children will remember. GESSLER. Open a way there - quick! Why this delay? Thy life is forfeited; I might despatch thee, And see I graciously repose thy fate Upon the skill of thine own practised hand. No cause has he to say his doom is harsh, Who's made the master of his destiny. Thou boastest of thy steady eye. 'Tis well! Now is a fitting time to show thy skill. The mark is worthy, and the prize is great. To hit the bull's-eye in the target; that Can many another do as well as thou; But he, methinks, is master of his craft Who can at all times on his skill rely, Nor lets his heart disturb or eye or hand. FURST. My lord, we bow to your authority; But, oh, let justice yield to mercy here. Take half my property, nay, take it all, But spare a father this unnatural doom! WALTER. Grandfather, do not kneel to that bad man! Say, where am I to stand? I do not fear; My father strikes the bird upon the wing, And will not miss now when 'twould harm his boy! STAUFFACHER. Does the child's innocence not touch your heart? ROSSELMANN. Bethink you, sir, there is a God in heaven, To whom you must account for all your deeds. GESSLER (pointing to the boy). Bind him to yonder lime tree straight! WALTER. Bind me? No, I will not be bound! I will be still, Still as a lamb - nor even draw my breath! But if you bind me I cannot be still. Then I shall writhe and struggle with my bonds. HARRAS. But let your eyes at least be bandaged, boy! WALTER. And why my eyes? No! Do you think I fear An arrow from my father's hand? Not I! I'll wait it firmly, nor so much as wink! Quick, father, show them that thou art an archer! He doubts thy skill - he thinks to ruin us. Shoot then and hit though but to spite the tyrant! [He goes to the lime tree, and an apple is placed on his head. MELCHTHAL (to the country people). What! Is this outrage to be perpetrated Before our very eyes? Where is our oath? STAUFFACHER. 'Tis all in vain. We have no weapons here; And see the wood of lances that surrounds us! MELCHTHAL. Oh! would to heaven that we had struck at once! God pardon those who counselled the delay! GESSLER (to TELL). Now, to thy task! Men bear not arms for naught. 'Tis dangerous to carry deadly weapons, And on the archer oft his shaft recoils. This right these haughty peasant-churls assume Trenches upon their master's privileges. None should be armed but those who bear command. It pleases you wear the bow and bolt; Well, be it so. I will provide the mark. TELL (bends the bow and fixes the arrow). A lane there! Room! STAUFFACHER. What, Tell? You would - no, no! You shake - your hand's unsteady - your knees tremble! TELL (letting the bow sink down). There's something swims before mine eyes! WOMEN. Great Heaven! TELL. Release me from this shot! Here is my heart! [Tears open his breast. Summon your troopers - let them strike me down! GESSLER. I do not want thy life, Tell, but the shot. Thy talent's universal! Nothing daunts thee! Thou canst direct the rudder like the bow! Storms fright not thee when there's a life at stake. Now, savior, help thyself, thou savest all! [TELL stands fearfully agitated by contending emotions, his hands moving convulsively, and his eyes turning alternately to the governor and heaven. Suddenly he takes a second arrow from his quiver and sticks it in his belt. The governor watches all these motions. WALTER (beneath the lime tree). Come, father, shoot! I'm not afraid! TELL. It must be! [Collects himself and levels the bow. RUDENZ (who all the while has been standing in a state of violent excitement, and has with difficulty restrained himself, advances). My lord, you will not urge this matter further. You will not. It was surely but a test. You've gained your object. Rigor pushed too far Is sure to miss its aim, however good, As snaps the bow that's all too straightly bent. GESSLER. Peace, till your counsel's asked for! RUDENZ. I will speak! Ay, and I dare! I reverence my king; But acts like these must make his name abhorred. He sanctions not this cruelty. I dare Avouch the fact. And you outstep your powers In handling thus an unoffending people. GESSLER. Ha! thou growest bold methinks! RUDENZ. I have been dumb To all the oppressions I was doomed to see. I've closed mine eyes that they might not behold them, Bade my rebellious, swelling heart be still, And pent its struggles down within my breast. But to be silent longer were to be A traitor to my king and country both. BERTHA (casting herself between him and the governor). Oh, heavens! you but exasperate his rage! RUDENZ. My people I forsook, renounced my kindred - Broke all the ties of nature that I might Attach myself to you. I madly thought That I should best advance the general weal, By adding sinews to the emperor's power. The scales have fallen from mine eyes - I see The fearful precipice on which I stand. You've led my youthful judgment far astray, - Deceived my honest heart. With best intent, I had well nigh achieved my country's ruin. GESSLER. Audacious boy, this language to thy lord? RUDENZ. The emperor is my lord, not you! I'm free As you by birth, and I can cope with you In every virtue that beseems a knight. And if you stood not here in that king's name, Which I respect e'en where 'tis most abused, I'd throw my gauntlet down, and you should give An answer to my gage in knightly fashion. Ay, beckon to your troopers! Here I stand; But not like these - [Pointing to the people. unarmed. I have a sword, And he that stirs one step - - STAUFFACHER (exclaims). The apple's down! [While the attention of the crowd has been directed to the spot where BERTHA had cast herself between RUDENZ and GESSLER, TELL has shot. ROSSELMANN. The boy's alive! MANY VOICES. The apple has been struck! [WALTER FURST staggers, and is about to fall. BERTHA supports him. GESSLER (astonished). How? Has he shot? The madman! BERTHA. Worthy father! Pray you compose yourself. The boy's alive! WALTER (runs in with the apple). Here is the apple, father! Well I knew You would not harm your boy. [TELL stands with his body bent forwards, as though he would follow the arrow. His bow drops from his hand. When he sees the boy advancing, he hastens to meet him with open arms, and embracing him passionately sinks down with him quite exhausted. All crowd round them deeply affected. BERTHA. Oh, ye kind heavens! FURST (to father and son). My children, my dear children! STAUFFACHER. God be praised! LEUTHOLD. Almighty powers! That was a shot indeed! It will be talked of to the end of time. HARRAS. This feat of Tell, the archer, will be told While yonder mountains stand upon their base. [Hands the apple to GESSLER. GESSLER. By heaven! the apple's cleft right through the core. It was a master shot I must allow. ROSSELMANN. The shot was good. But woe to him who drove The man to tempt his God by such a feat! STAUFFACHER. Cheer up, Tell, rise! You've nobly freed yourself, And now may go in quiet to your home. ROSSELMANN. Come, to the mother let us bear her son! GESSLER. A word, Tell. [They are about to lead him off. TELL. Sir, your pleasure? GESSLER. Thou didst place A second arrow in thy belt - nay, nay! I saw it well - what was thy purpose with it? TELL (confused). It is the custom with all archers, sir. GESSLER. No, Tell, I cannot let that answer pass. There was some other motive, well I know. Frankly and cheerfully confess the truth; - Whate'er it be I promise thee thy life, Wherefore the second arrow? TELL. Well, my lord, Since you have promised not to take my life, I will, without reserve, declare the truth. [He draws the arrow from his belt, and fixes his eyes sternly upon the governor. If that my hand had struck my darling child, This second arrow I had aimed at you, And, be assured, I should not then have missed. GESSLER. Well, Tell, I promised thou shouldst have thy life; I gave my knightly word, and I will keep it. Yet, as I know the malice of thy thoughts, I will remove thee hence to sure confinement, Where neither sun nor moon shall reach thine eyes, Thus from thy arrows I shall be secure. Seize on him, guards, and bind him. [They bind him. STAUFFACHER. How, my lord - How can you treat in such a way a man On whom God's hand has plainly been revealed? GESSLER. Well, let us see if it will save him twice! Remove him to my ship; I'll follow straight. In person I will see him lodged at Kuessnacht. ROSSELMANN. You dare not do it. Nor durst the emperor's self, So violate our dearest chartered rights. GESSLER. Where are they? Has the emperor confirmed them? He never has. And only by obedience Need you expect to win that favor from him. You are all rebels 'gainst the emperor's power And bear a desperate and rebellious spirit. I know you all - I see you through and through. Him do I single from amongst you now, But in his guilt you all participate. The wise will study silence and obedience. [Exit, followed by BERTHA, RUDENZ, HARRAS, and attendants. FRIESSHARDT and LEUTHOLD remain. FURST (in violent anguish). All's over now! He is resolved to bring Destruction on myself and all my house. STAUFFACHER (to Tell). Oh, why did you provoke the tyrant's rage? TELL. Let him be calm who feels the pangs I felt. STAUFFACHER. Alas! alas! Our every hope is gone. With you we all are fettered and enchained. COUNTRY PEOPLE (surrounding Tell). Our last remaining comfort goes with you! LEUTHOLD (approaching him). I'm sorry for you, Tell, but must obey. TELL. Farewell! WALTER (clinging to him in great agony). Oh, father, father, father dear! TELL (pointing to Heaven). Thy father is on high - appeal to Him! STAUFFACHER. Hast thou no message, Tell, to send your wife? TELL (clasping the boy passionately to his breast). The boy's uninjured; God will succor me! [Tears himself suddenly away, and follows the soldiers of the guard. ACT IV. SCENE I. Eastern shore of the Lake of Lucerne; rugged and singularly shaped rocks close the prospect to the west. The lake is agitated, violent roaring and rushing of wind, with thunder and lightning at intervals. KUNZ OF GERSAU, FISHERMAN and BOY. KUNZ. I saw it with these eyes! Believe me, friend, It happen'd all precisely as I've said. FISHERMAN. Tell, made a prisoner, and borne off to Kuessnacht? The best man in the land, the bravest arm, Had we resolved to strike for liberty! KUNZ. The Viceroy takes him up the lake in person: They were about to go on board, as I Left Flueelen; but still the gathering storm, That drove me here to land so suddenly, Perchance has hindered their abrupt departure. FISHERMAN. Our Tell in chains, and in the viceroy's power! Oh, trust me, Gessler will entomb him where He never more shall see the light of day; For, Tell once free, the tyrant well may dread The just revenge of one so deep incensed. KUNZ. The old Landamman, too - von Attinghaus - They say, is lying at the point of death. FISHERMAN. Then the last anchor of our hopes gives way! He was the only man who dared to raise His voice in favor of the people's rights. KUNZ. The storm grows worse and worse. So, fare ye well! I'll go and seek out quarters in the village. There's not a chance of getting off to-day. [Exit. FISHERMAN. Tell dragged to prison, and the baron dead! Now, tyranny, exalt thy insolent front - Throw shame aside! The voice of truth is silenced, The eye that watched for us in darkness closed, The arm that should have struck thee down in chains! BOY. 'Tis hailing hard - come, let us to the cottage This is no weather to be out in, father! FISHERMAN. Rage on, ye winds! Ye lightnings, flash your fires! Burst, ye swollen clouds! Ye cataracts of heaven, Descend, and drown the country! In the germ, Destroy the generations yet unborn! Ye savage elements, be lords of all! Return, ye bears; ye ancient wolves, return To this wide, howling waste! The land is yours. Who would live here when liberty is gone? BOY. Hark! How the wind whistles and the whirlpool roars; I never saw a storm so fierce as this! FISHERMAN. To level at the head of his own child! Never had father such command before. And shall not nature, rising in wild wrath, Revolt against the deed? I should not marvel, Though to the lake these rocks should bow their heads, Though yonder pinnacles, yon towers of ice, That, since creation's dawn, have known no thaw, Should, from their lofty summits, melt away; Though yonder mountains, yon primeval cliffs, Should topple down, and a new deluge whelm Beneath its waves all living men's abodes! [Bells heard. BOY. Hark! they are ringing on the mountain yonder! They surely see some vessel in distress, And toll the bell that we may pray for it. [Ascends a rock. FISHERMAN. Woe to the bark that now pursues its course, Rocked in the cradle of these storm-tossed waves. Nor helm nor steersman here can aught avail; The storm is master. Man is like a ball, Tossed 'twixt the winds and billows. Far, or near, No haven offers him its friendly shelter! Without one ledge to grasp, the sheer, smooth rocks Look down inhospitably on his despair, And only tender him their flinty breasts. BOY (calling from above). Father, a ship; and bearing down from Flueelen. FISHERMAN. Heaven pity the poor wretches! When the storm Is once entangled in this strait of ours, It rages like some savage beast of prey, Struggling against its cage's iron bars. Howling, it seeks an outlet - all in vain; For the rocks hedge it round on every side, Walling the narrow pass as high as heaven. [He ascends a cliff. BOY. It is the governor of Uri's ship; By its red poop I know it, and the flag. FISHERMAN. Judgments of Heaven! Yes, it is he himself. It is the governor! Yonder he sails, And with him bears the burden of his crimes! Soon has the arm of the avenger found him; Now over him he knows a mightier lord. These waves yield no obedience to his voice, These rocks bow not their heads before his cap. Boy, do not pray; stay not the Judge's arm! BOY. I pray not for the governor; I pray For Tell, who is on board the ship with him. FISHERMAN. Alas, ye blind, unreasoning elements! Must ye, in punishing one guilty head, Destroy the vessel and the pilot too? BOY. See, see, they've cleared the Buggisgrat [20]; but now The blast, rebounding from the Devil's Minster [21], Has driven them back on the Great Axenberg. [22] I cannot see them now. FISHERMAN. The Hakmesser [23] Is there, that's foundered many a gallant ship. If they should fail to double that with skill, Their bark will go to pieces on the rocks That hide their jagged peaks below the lake. They have on board the very best of pilots; If any man can save them, Tell is he; But he is manacled, both hand and foot. [Enter WILLIAM TELL, with his crossbow. He enters precipitately, looks wildly round, and testifies the most violent agitation. When he reaches the centre of the stage, he throws himself upon his knees, and stretches out his hands, first towards the earth, then towards heaven. BOY (observing him). See, father! Who is that man, kneeling yonder? FISHERMAN. He clutches at the earth with both his hands, And looks as though he were beside himself. BOY (advancing). What do I see? Father, come here, and look! FISHERMAN (approaches). Who is it? God in heaven! What! William Tell, How came you hither? Speak, Tell! BOY. Were you not In yonder ship, a prisoner, and in chains? FISHERMAN. Were they not bearing you away to Kuessnacht? TELL (rising). I am released. FISHERMAN and BOY. Released, oh miracle! BOY. Whence came you here? TELL. From yonder vessel! FISHERMAN. What? BOY. Where is the viceroy? TELL. Drifting on the waves. FISHERMAN. Is't possible? But you! How are you here? How 'scaped you from your fetters and the storm? TELL. By God's most gracious providence. Attend. FISHERMAN and BOY. Say on, say on! TELL. You know what passed at Altdorf? FISHERMAN. I do - say on! TELL. How I was seized and bound, And ordered by the governor to Kuessnacht. FISHERMAN. And how with you at Flueelen he embarked. All this we know. Say, how have you escaped? TELL. I lay on deck, fast bound with cords, disarmed, In utter hopelessness. I did not think Again to see the gladsome light of day, Nor the dear faces of my wife and children; And eyed disconsolate the waste of waters - - FISHERMAN. Oh, wretched man! TELL. Then we put forth; the viceroy, Rudolph der Harras, and their suite. My bow And quiver lay astern beside the helm; And just as we had reached the corner, near The Little Axen [24], heaven ordained it so, That from the Gotthardt's gorge, a hurricane Swept down upon us with such headlong force, That every rower's heart within him sank, And all on board looked for a watery grave. Then heard I one of the attendant train, Turning to Gessler, in this strain accost him: "You see our danger, and your own, my lord And that we hover on the verge of death. The boatmen there are powerless from fear, Nor are they confident what course to take; Now, here is Tell, a stout and fearless man, And knows to steer with more than common skill. How if we should avail ourselves of him In this emergency?" The viceroy then Addressed me thus: "If thou wilt undertake To bring us through this tempest safely, Tell, I might consent to free thee from thy bonds." I answered, "Yes, my lord, with God's assistance, I'll see what can be done, and help us heaven!" On this they loosed me from my bonds, and I Stood by the helm and fairly steered along; Yet ever eyed my shooting-gear askance, And kept a watchful eye upon the shore, To find some point where I might leap to land And when I had descried a shelving crag, That jutted, smooth atop, into the lake - - FISHERMAN. I know it. 'Tis at foot of the Great Axen; But looks so steep, I never could have dreamed 'Twere possible to leap it from the boat. TELL. I bade the men put forth their utmost might, Until we came before the shelving crag. For there, I said, the danger will be past! Stoutly they pulled, and soon we neared the point; One prayer to God for his assisting grace, And straining every muscle, I brought round The vessel's stern close to the rocky wall; Then snatching up my weapons, with a bound I swung myself upon the flattened shelf, And with my feet thrust off, with all my might, The puny bark into the hell of waters. There let it drift about, as heaven ordains! Thus am I here, delivered from the might Of the dread storm, and man, more dreadful still. FISHERMAN. Tell, Tell, the Lord has manifestly wrought A miracle in thy behalf! I scarce Can credit my own eyes. But tell me, now, Whither you purpose to betake yourself? For you will be in peril should the viceroy Chance to escape this tempest with his life. TELL. I heard him say, as I lay bound on board, His purpose was to disembark at Brunnen; And, crossing Schwytz, convey me to his castle. FISHERMAN. Means he to go by land? TELL. So he intends. FISHERMAN. Oh, then, conceal yourself without delay! Not twice will heaven release you from his grasp. TELL. Which is the nearest way to Arth and Kuessnacht? FISHERMAN. The public road leads by the way of Steinen, But there's a nearer road, and more retired, That goes by Lowerz, which my boy can show you. TELL (gives him his hand). May heaven reward your kindness! Fare ye well! [As he is going he comes back. Did not you also take the oath at Rootli? I heard your name, methinks. FISHERMAN. Yes, I was there, And took the oath of the confederacy; TELL. Then do me this one favor; speed to Buerglen My wife is anxious at my absence - tell her That I am free, and in secure concealment. FISHERMAN. But whither shall I tell her you have fled? TELL. You'll find her father with her, and some more, Who took the oath with you upon the Rootli; Bid them be resolute, and strong of heart, For Tell is free and master of his arm; They shall hear further news of me ere long. FISHERMAN. What have you, then, in view? Come, tell me frankly! TELL. When once 'tis done 'twill be in every mouth. [Exit. FISHERMAN. Show him the way, boy. Heaven be his support! Whate'er he has resolved, he'll execute. [Exit. SCENE II. Baronial mansion of Attinghausen. The BARON upon a couch dying. WALTER FURST, STAUFFACHER, MELCHTHAL, and BAUMGARTEN attending round him. WALTER TELL kneeling before the dying man. FURST. All now is over with him. He is gone. STAUFFACHER. He lies not like one dead. The feather, see, Moves on his lips! His sleep is very calm, And on his features plays a placid smile. [BAUMGARTEN goes to the door and speaks with some one. FURST. Who's there? BAUGMARTEN (returning). Tell's wife, your daughter; she insists That she must speak with you, and see her boy. [WALTER TELL rises. FURST. I who need comfort - can I comfort her? Does every sorrow centre on my head? HEDWIG (forcing her way in). Where is my child? Unhand me! I must see him. STAUFFACHER. Be calm! Reflect you're in the house of death! HEDWIG (falling upon her boy's neck). My Walter! Oh, he yet is mine! WALTER. Dear mother! HEDWIG. And is it surely so? Art thou unhurt? [Gazing at him with anxious tenderness. And is it possible he aimed at thee? How could he do it? Oh, he has no heart - And he could wing an arrow at his child! FURST. His soul was racked with anguish when he did it. No choice was left him, but to shoot or die! HEDWIG. Oh, if he had a father's heart, he would Have sooner perished by a thousand deaths! STAUFFACHER. You should be grateful for God's gracious care, That ordered things so well. HEDWIG. Can I forget What might have been the issue. God of heaven! Were I to live for centuries, I still Should see my boy tied up, - his father's mark, And still the shaft would quiver in my heart! MELCHTHAL. You know not how the viceroy taunted him! HEDWIG. Oh, ruthless heart of man! Offend his pride, And reason in his breast forsakes her seat; In his blind wrath he'll stake upon a cast A child's existence, and a mother's heart! BAUMGARTEN. Is then your husband's fate not hard enough, That you embitter it by such reproaches? Have you no feeling for his sufferings? HEDWIG (turning to him and gazing full upon him). Hast thou tears only for thy friend's distress? Say, where were you when he - my noble Tell, Was bound in chains? Where was your friendship, then? The shameful wrong was done before your eyes; Patient you stood, and let your friend be dragged, Ay, from your very hands. Did ever Tell Act thus to you? Did he stand whining by When on your heels the viceroy's horsemen pressed, And full before you roared the storm-tossed lake? Oh, not with idle tears he showed his pity; Into the boat he sprung, forgot his home, His wife, his children, and delivered thee! FURST. It had been madness to attempt his rescue, Unarmed, and few in numbers as we were. HEDWIG (casting herself upon his bosom). Oh, father, and thou, too, hast lost my Tell! The country - all have lost him! All lament His loss; and, oh, how he must pine for us! Heaven keep his soul from sinking to despair! No friend's consoling voice can penetrate His dreary dungeon walls. Should befall sick! Ah! In the vapors of the murky vault He must fall sick. Even as the Alpine rose Grows pale and withers in the swampy air, There is no life for him, but in the sun, And in the balm of heaven's refreshing breeze. Imprisoned? Liberty to him is breath; He cannot live in the rank dungeon air! STAUFFACHER. Pray you be calm! And, hand in hand, we'll all Combine to burst his prison doors. HEDWIG. Without him, What have you power to do? While Tell was free, There still, indeed, was hope - weak innocence Had still a friend, and the oppressed a stay. Tell saved you all! You cannot all combined Release him from his cruel prison bonds. [The BARON wakes. BAUMGARTEN. Hush, hush! He starts! ATTINGHAUSEN (sitting up). Where is he? STAUFFACHER. Who? ATTINGHAUSEN. He leaves me, - In my last moments he abandons me. STAUFFACHER. He means his nephew. Have they sent for him? FURST. He has been summoned. Cheerily, Sir! Take comfort! He has found his heart at last, and is our own. ATTINGHAUSEN. Say, has he spoken for his native land? STAUFFACHER. Ay, like a hero! ATTINGHAUSEN. Wherefore comes he not, That he may take my blessing ere I die? I feel my life fast ebbing to a close. STAUFFACHER. Nay, talk not thus, dear Sir! This last short sleep Has much refreshed you, and your eye is bright. ATTINGHAUSEN. Life is but pain, and even that has left me; My sufferings, like my hopes, have passed away. [Observing the boy. What boy is that? FURST. Bless him. Oh, good my lord! He is my grandson, and is fatherless. [HEDWIG kneels with the boy before the dying man. ATTINGHAUSEN. And fatherless I leave you all, ay, all! Oh, wretched fate, that these old eyes should see My country's ruin, as they close in death. Must I attain the utmost verge of life, To feel my hopes go with me to the grave. STAUFFACHER (to FURST). Shall he depart 'mid grief and gloom like this? Shall not his parting moments be illumed By hope's delightful beams? My noble lord, Raise up your drooping spirit! We are not Forsaken quite - past all deliverance. ATTINGHAUSEN. Who shall deliver you? FURST. Ourselves. For know The Cantons three are to each other pledged To hunt the tyrants from the land. The league Has been concluded, and a sacred oath Confirms our union. Ere another year Begins its circling course - the blow shall fall. In a free land your ashes shall repose. ATTINGHAUSEN. The league concluded! Is it really so? MELCHTHAL. On one day shall the Cantons rise together. All is prepared to strike - and to this hour The secret closely kept though hundreds share it; The ground is hollow 'neath the tyrant's feet; Their days of rule are numbered, and ere long No trace of their dominion shall remain. ATTINGHAUSEN. Ay, but their castles, how to master them? MELCHTHAL. On the same day they, too, are doomed to fall. ATTINGHAUSEN. And are the nobles parties to this league? STAUFFACHER. We trust to their assistance should we need it; As yet the peasantry alone have sworn. ATTINGHAUSEN (raising himself up in great astonishment). And have the peasantry dared such a deed On their own charge without their nobles' aid - Relied so much on their own proper strength? Nay then, indeed, they want our help no more; We may go down to death cheered by the thought That after us the majesty of man Will live, and be maintained by other hands. [He lays his hand upon the head of the child, who is kneeling before him. From this boy's head, whereon the apple lay, Your new and better liberty shall spring; The old is crumbling down - the times are changing And from the ruins blooms a fairer life. STAUFFACHER (to FURST). See, see, what splendor streams around his eye! This is not nature's last expiring flame, It is the beam of renovated life. ATTINGHAUSEN. From their old towers the nobles are descending, And swearing in the towns the civic oath. In Uechtland and Thurgau the work's begun; The noble Bern lifts her commanding head, And Freyburg is a stronghold of the free; The stirring Zurich calls her guilds to arms; And now, behold! the ancient might of kings Is shivered against her everlasting walls. [He speaks what follows with a prophetic tone; his utterance rising into enthusiasm. I see the princes and their haughty peers, Clad all in steel, come striding on to crush A harmless shepherd race with mailed hand. Desperate the conflict: 'tis for life or death; And many a pass will tell to after years Of glorious victories sealed in foemen's blood. [25] The peasant throws himself with naked breast, A willing victim on their serried lances. They yield - the flower of chivalry's cut down, And freedom waves her conquering banner high! [Grasps the hands Of WALTER FURST and STAUFFACHER. Hold fast together, then - forever fast! Let freedom's haunts be one in heart and mind! Set watches on your mountain-tops, that league May answer league, when comes the hour to strike. Be one - be one - be one - - [He falls back upon the cushion. His lifeless hands continue to grasp those of FURST and STAUFFACHER, who regard him for some moments in silence, and then retire, overcome with sorrow. Meanwhile the servants have quietly pressed into the chamber, testifying different degrees of grief. Some kneel down beside him and weep on his body: while this scene is passing the castle bell tolls. RUDENZ (entering hurriedly). Lives he? Oh, say, can he still hear my voice? FURST (averting his face). You are our seignior and protector now; Henceforth this castle bears another name. RUDENZ (gazing at the body with deep emotion). Oh, God! Is my repentance, then, too late? Could he not live some few brief moments more, To see the change that has come o'er my heart? Oh, I was deaf to his true counselling voice While yet he walked on earth. Now he is gone; Gone and forever, - leaving me the debt, - The heavy debt I owe him - undischarged! Oh, tell me! did he part in anger with me? STAUFFACHER. When dying he was told what you had done, And blessed the valor that inspired your words! RUDENZ (kneeling downs beside the dead body). Yes, sacred relics of a man beloved! Thou lifeless corpse! Here, on thy death-cold hand, Do I abjure all foreign ties forever! And to my country's cause devote myself. I am a Switzer, and will act as one With my whole heart and soul. [Rises. Mourn for our friend, Our common parent, yet be not dismayed! 'Tis not alone his lands that I inherit, - His heart - his spirit have devolved on me; And my young arm shall execute the task For which his hoary age remained your debtor. Give me your hands, ye venerable fathers! Thine, Melchthal, too! Nay, do not hesitate, Nor from me turn distrustfully away. Accept my plighted vow - my knightly oath! FURST. Give him your hands, my friends! A heart like his That sees and owns its error claims our trust. MELCHTHAL. You ever held the peasantry in scorn; What surety have we that you mean us fair? RUDENZ. Oh, think not of the error of my youth! STAUFFACHER (to MELCHTHAL). Be one! They were our father's latest words. See they be not forgotten! Take my hand, - A peasant's hand, - and with it, noble Sir, The gage and the assurance of a man! Without us, sir, what would the nobles be? Our order is more ancient, too, than yours! RUDENZ. I honor it, and with my sword will shield it! MELCHTHAL. The arm, my lord, that tames the stubborn earth, And makes its bosom blossom with increase, Can also shield a man's defenceless breast. RUDENZ. Then you shall shield my breast and I will yours; Thus each be strengthened by the others' aid! Yet wherefore talk we while our native land Is still to alien tyranny a prey? First let us sweep the foeman from the soil, Then reconcile our difference in peace! [After a moment's pause. How! You are silent! Not a word for me? And have I yet no title to your trust? Then must I force my way, despite your will, Into the league you secretly have formed. You've held a Diet on the Rootli, - I Know this, - know all that was transacted there! And though I was not trusted with your secret, I still have kept it like a sacred pledge. Trust me, I never was my country's foe, Nor would I ever have ranged myself against you! Yet you did wrong to put your rising off. Time presses! We must strike, and swiftly, too! Already Tell has fallen a sacrifice To your delay. STAUFFACHER. We swore to wait till Christmas. RUDENZ. I was not there, - I did not take the oath. If you delay I will not! MELCHTHAL. What! You would - - RUDENZ. I count me now among the country's fathers, And to protect you is my foremost duty. FURST. Within the earth to lay these dear remains, That is your nearest and most sacred duty. RUDENZ. When we have set the country free, we'll place Our fresh, victorious wreaths upon his bier. Oh, my dear friends, 'tis not your cause alone! I have a cause to battle with the tyrants That more concerns myself. Know, that my Bertha Has disappeared, - been carried off by stealth, Stolen from amongst us by their ruffian bands! STAUFFACHER. And has the tyrant dared so fell an outrage Against a lady free and nobly born? RUDENZ. Alas! my friends, I promised help to you, And I must first implore it for myself? She that I love is stolen - is forced away, And who knows where the tyrant has concealed her. Or with what outrages his ruffian crew May force her into nuptials she detests? Forsake me not! Oh help me to her rescue! She loves you! Well, oh well, has she deserved That all should rush to arms in her behalf. STAUFFACHER. What course do you propose? RUDENZ. Alas! I know not. In the dark mystery that shrouds her fate, In the dread agony of this suspense, Where I can grasp at naught of certainty, One single ray of comfort beams upon me. From out the ruins of the tyrant's power Alone can she be rescued from the grave. Their strongholds must be levelled! Everyone, Ere we can pierce into her gloomy prison. MELCHTHAL. Come, lead us on! We follow! Why defer Until to-morrow what to-day may do? Tell's arm was free when we at Rootli swore, This foul enormity was yet undone. And change of circumstance brings change of law. Who such a coward as to waver still? RUDENZ (to WALTER FURST). Meanwhile to arms, and wait in readiness The fiery signal on the mountain-tops. For swifter than a boat can scour the lake Shall you have tidings of our victory; And when you see the welcome flames ascend, Then, like the lightning, swoop upon the foe, And lay the despots and their creatures low! SCENE III. The pass near Kuessnacht, sloping down from behind, with rocks on either side. The travellers are visible upon the heights, before they appear on the stage. Rocks all round the stage. Upon one of the foremost a projecting cliff overgrown with brushwood. TELL (enters with his crossbow). Here through this deep defile he needs must pass; There leads no other road to Kuessnacht; here I'll do it; the opportunity is good. Yon alder tree stands well for my concealment, Thence my avenging shaft will surely reach him. The straitness of the path forbids pursuit. Now, Gessler, balance thine account with Heaven! Thou must away from earth, thy sand is run. I led a peaceful, inoffensive life; My bow was bent on forest game alone, And my pure soul was free from thoughts of murder. But thou hast scared me from my dream of peace; The milk of human kindness thou hast turned To rankling poison in my breast, and made Appalling deeds familiar to my soul. He who could make his own child's head his mark Can speed his arrow to his foeman's heart. My children dear, my loved and faithful wife, Must be protected, tyrant, from thy fury! When last I drew my bow, with trembling hand, And thou, with murderous joy, a father forced To level at his child; when, all in vain, Writhing before thee, I implored thy mercy, Then in the agony of my soul I vowed A fearful oath, which met God's ear alone, That when my bow next winged an arrow's flight Its aim should be thy heart. The vow I made Amid the hellish torments of that moment I hold a sacred debt, and I will pay it. Thou art my lord, my emperor's delegate, Yet would the emperor not have stretched his power So far as thou. He sent thee to these Cantons To deal forth law, stern law, for he is angered; But not to wanton with unbridled will In every cruelty, with fiendlike joy: There is a God to punish and avenge. Come forth, thou bringer once of bitter pangs, My precious jewel now, my chiefest treasure; A mark I'll set thee, which the cry of grief Could never penetrate, but thou shalt pierce it. And thou, my trusty bowstring, that so oft Has served me faithfully in sportive scenes, Desert me not in this most serious hour - Only be true this once, my own good cord, That has so often winged the biting shaft: - For shouldst thou fly successless from my hand, I have no second to send after thee. [Travellers pass over the stage. I'll sit me down upon this bench of stone, Hewn for the wayworn traveller's brief repose - For here there is no home. Each hurries by The other, with quick step and careless look, Nor stays to question of his grief. Here goes The merchant, full of care - the pilgrim next, With slender scrip - and then the pious monk, The scowling robber, and the jovial player, The carrier with his heavy-laden horse, That comes to us from the far haunts of men; For every road conducts to the world's end. They all push onwards - every man intent On his own several business - mine is murder. [Sits down. Time was, my dearest children, when with joy You hailed your father's safe return to home From his long mountain toils; for when he came He ever brought some little present with him. A lovely Alpine flower - a curious bird - Or elf-boat found by wanderers on the hills. But now he goes in quest of other game: In the wild pass he sits, and broods on murder; And watches for the life-blood of his foe, But still his thoughts are fixed on you alone, Dear children. 'Tis to guard your innocence, To shield you from the tyrant's fell revenge, He bends his bow to do a deed of blood! [Rises. Well - I am watching for a noble prey - Does not the huntsman, with severest toil, Roam for whole days amid the winter's cold, Leap with a daring bound from rock to rock, - And climb the jagged, slippery steeps, to which His limbs are glued by his own streaming blood; And all this but to gain a wretched chamois. A far more precious prize is now my aim - The heart of that dire foe who would destroy me. [Sprightly music heard in the distance, which comes gradually nearer. From my first years of boyhood I have used The bow - been practised in the archer's feats; The bull's-eye many a time my shafts have hit, And many a goodly prize have I brought home, Won in the games of skill. This day I'll make My master-shot, and win the highest prize Within the whole circumference of the mountains. [A marriage train passes over the stage, and goes up the pass. TELL gazes at it, leaning on his bow. He is joined by STUSSI, the Ranger. STUSSI. There goes the bridal party of the steward Of Moerlischachen's cloister. He is rich! And has some ten good pastures on the Alps. He goes to fetch his bride from Imisee, There will be revelry to-night at Kuessnacht. Come with us - every honest man's invited. TELL. A gloomy guest fits not a wedding feast. STUSSI. If grief oppress you, dash it from your heart! Bear with your lot. The times are heavy now, And we must snatch at pleasure while we can. Here 'tis a bridal, there a burial. TELL. And oft the one treads close upon the other. STUSSI. So runs the world at present. Everywhere We meet with woe and misery enough. There's been a slide of earth in Glarus, and A whole side of the Glaernisch has fallen in. TELL. Strange! And do even the hills begin to totter? There is stability for naught on earth. STUSSI. Strange tidings, too, we hear from other parts. I spoke with one but now, that came from Baden, Who said a knight was on his way to court, And as he rode along a swarm of wasps Surrounded him, and settling on his horse, So fiercely stung the beast that it fell dead, And he proceeded to the court on foot. TELL. Even the weak are furnished with a sting. [ARMGART (enters with several children, and places herself at the entrance of the pass). STUSSI. 'Tis thought to bode disaster to the country, Some horrid deed against the course of nature. TELL. Why, every day brings forth such fearful deeds; There needs no miracle to tell their coming. STUSSI. Too true! He's blessed who tills his field in peace, And sits untroubled by his own fireside. TELL. The very meekest cannot rest in quiet, Unless it suits with his ill neighbor's humor. [TELL looks frequently with restless expectation towards the top of the pass. STUSSI. So fare you well! You're waiting some one here? TELL. I am. STUSSI. A pleasant meeting with your friends! You are from Uri, are you not? His grace The governor's expected thence to-day. TRAVELLER (entering). Look not to see the governor to-day. The streams are flooded by the heavy rains, And all the bridges have been swept away. [TELL rises. ARMGART (coming forward). The viceroy not arrived? STUSSI. And do you seek him? ARMGART. Alas, I do! STUSSI. But why thus place yourself Where you obstruct his passage down the pass? ARMGART. Here he cannot escape me. He must hear me. FRIESSHARDT (coming hastily down the pass, and calls upon the stage). Make way, make way! My lord, the governor, Is coming down on horseback close behind me. [Exit TELL. ARMGART (with animation). The viceroy comes! [She goes towards the pass with her children. GESSLER and RUDOLPH DER HARRAS appear upon the heights on horseback. STUSSI (to FRIESSHARDT). How got ye through the stream When all the bridges have been carried down? FRIESSHARDT. We've battled with the billows; and, my friend, An Alpine torrent's nothing after that. STUSSI. How! Were you out, then, in that dreadful storm? FRIESSHARDT. Ay, that we were! I shall not soon forget it. STUSSI. Stay, speak - - FRIESSHARDT. I cannot. I must to the castle, And tell them that the governor's at hand. [Exit. STUSSI. If honest men, now, had been in the ship, It had gone down with every soul on board: - Some folks are proof 'gainst fire and water both. [Looking round. Where has the huntsman gone with whom I spoke? [Exit. Enter GESSLER and RUDOLPH DER HARRAS on horseback. GESSLER. Say what you please; I am the emperor's servant, And my first care must be to do his pleasure. He did not send me here to fawn and cringe And coax these boors into good humor. No! Obedience he must have. We soon shall see If king or peasant is to lord it here? ARMGART. Now is the moment! Now for my petition! GESSLER. 'Twas not in sport that I set up the cap In Altdorf - or to try the people's hearts - All this I knew before. I set it up That they might learn to bend those stubborn necks They carry far too proudly - and I placed What well I knew their eyes could never brook Full in the road, which they perforce must pass, That, when their eyes fell on it, they might call That lord to mind whom they too much forget. HARRAS. But surely, sir, the people have some rights - - GESSLER. This is no time to settle what they are. Great projects are at work, and hatching now; The imperial house seeks to extend its power. Those vast designs of conquests, which the sire Has gloriously begun, the son will end. This petty nation is a stumbling-block - One way or other it must be subjected. [They are about to pass on. ARMMGART throws herself down before GESSLER. ARMGART. Mercy, lord governor! Oh, pardon, pardon! GESSLER. Why do you cross me on the public road? Stand back, I say. ARMGART. My husband lies in prison; My wretched orphans cry for bread. Have pity, Pity, my lord, upon our sore distress! HARRAS. Who are you, woman; and who is your husband? ARMGART. A poor wild hay-man of the Rigiberg, Kind sir, who on the brow of the abyss, Mows down the grass from steep and craggy shelves, To which the very cattle dare not climb. HARRAS (to GESSLER). By Heaven! a sad and miserable life! I prithee, give the wretched man his freedom. How great soever his offence may be, His horrid trade is punishment enough. [To ARMGART. You shall have justice. To the castle bring Your suit. This is no place to deal with it. ARMGART. No, no, I will not stir from where I stand, Until your grace restore my husband to me. Six months already has he been in prison, And waits the sentence of a judge in vain. GESSLER. How! Would you force me, woman? Hence! Begone! ARMGART. Justice, my lord! Ay, justice! Thou art judge! The deputy of the emperor - of Heaven! Then do thy duty, as thou hopest for justice From Him who rules above, show it to us! GESSLER. Hence! drive this daring rabble from my sight! ARMGART (seizing his horse's reins). No, no, by Heaven, I've nothing more to lose. Thou stirrest not, viceroy, from this spot until Thou dost me fullest justice. Knit thy brows, And roll thy eyes; I fear not. Our distress Is so extreme, so boundless, that we care No longer for thine anger. GESSLER. Woman, hence! Give way, I say, or I will ride thee down. ARMGART. Well, do so; there! [Throws her children and herself upon the ground before him. Here on the ground I lie, I and my children. Let the wretched orphans Be trodden by thy horse into the dust! It will not be the worst that thou hast done. HARRAS. Are you mad, woman? ARMGART (continuing with vehemence). Many a day thou hast Trampled the emperor's lands beneath thy feet. Oh, I am but a woman! Were I man, I'd find some better thing to do, than here Lie grovelling in the dust. [The music of the wedding party is again heard from the top of the pass, but more softly. GESSLER. Where are my knaves? Drag her away, lest I forget myself, And do some deed I may repent hereafter. HARRAS. My lord, the servants cannot force a passage; The pass is blocked up by a marriage party. GESSLER. Too mild a ruler am I to this people, Their tongues are all too bold; nor have they yet Been tamed to due submission, as they shall be. I must take order for the remedy; I will subdue this stubborn mood of theirs, And crush the soul of liberty within them. I'll publish a new law throughout the land; I will - - [An arrow pierces him, - he puts his hand on his heart, and is about to sink - with a feeble voice. Oh God, have mercy on my soul! HARRAS. My lord! my lord! Oh God! What's this? Whence came it? ARMGART (starts up). Dead, dead! He reels, he falls! 'Tis in his heart! HARRAS (springs from his horse). This is most horrible! Oh Heavens! sir knight, Address yourself to God and pray for mercy; You are a dying man. GESSLER. That shot was Tell's. [He slides from his horse into the arms of RUDOLPH DER HARRAS, who lays him down upon the bench. TELL appears above, upon the rocks. TELL. Thou knowest the archer, seek no other hand. Our cottages are free, and innocence Secure from thee: thou'lt be our curse no more. [TELL disappears. People rush in. STUSSI. What is the matter? Tell me what has happened? ARMGART. The governor is shot, - killed by an arrow! PEOPLE (running in). Who has been shot? [While the foremost of the marriage party are coming on the stage, the hindmost are still upon the heights. The music continues. HARRAS. He's bleeding fast to death. Away, for help - pursue the murderer! Unhappy man, is't thus that thou must die? Thou wouldst not heed the warnings that I gave thee! STUSSI. By heaven, his cheek is pale! His life ebbs fast. MANY VOICES. Who did the deed? HARRAS. What! Are the people mad That they make music to a murder? Silence! [Music breaks off suddenly. People continue to flock in. Speak, if thou canst, my lord. Hast thou no charge To intrust me with? [GESSLER makes signs with his hand, which he repeats with vehemence, when he finds they are not understood. What would you have me do? Shall I to Kuessnacht? I can't guess your meaning. Do not give way to this impatience. Leave All thoughts of earth and make your peace with Heaven. [The whole marriage party gather round the dying man. STUSSI. See there! how pale he grows! Death's gathering now About his heart; his eyes grow dim and glazed. ARMGART (holds up a child). Look, children, how a tyrant dies! HARRAS. Mad hag! Have you no touch of feeling that you look On horrors such as these without a shudder? Help me - take hold. What, will not one assist To pull the torturing arrow from his breast? WOMEN. We touch the man whom God's own hand has struck! HARRAS. All curses light on you! [Draws his sword. STUSSI (seizes his arm). Gently, sir knight! Your power is at an end. 'Twere best forbear. Our country's foe is fallen. We will brook No further violence. We are free men. ALL. The country's free! HARRAS. And is it come to this? Fear and obedience at an end so soon? [To the soldiers of the guard who are thronging in. You see, my friends, the bloody piece of work They've acted here. 'Tis now too late for help, And to pursue the murderer were vain. New duties claim our care. Set on to Kuessnacht, And let us save that fortress for the king! For in an hour like this all ties of order, Fealty, and faith are scattered to the winds. No man's fidelity is to be trusted. [As he is going out with the soldiers six FRATRES MISERICCRDIAE appear. ARMGART. Here come the brotherhood of mercy. Room! STUSSI. The victim's slain, and now the ravens stoop. BROTHERS OF MERCY (form a semicircle round the body, and sing in solemn tones). With hasty step death presses on, Nor grants to man a moment's stay, He falls ere half his race be run In manhood's pride is swept away! Prepared or unprepared to die, He stands before his Judge on high. [While they are repeating the last two lines, the curtain falls. ACT V. SCENE I. A common near Altdorf. In the background to the right the keep of Uri, with the scaffold still standing, as in the third scene of the first act. To the left the view opens upon numerous mountains, on all of which signal fires are burning. Day is breaking, and bells are heard ringing from various distances. RUODI, KUONI, WERNI, MASTER MASON, and many other country people, also women and children. RUODI. Look at the fiery signals on the mountains! MASTER MASON. Hark to the bells above the forest there! RUODI. The enemy's expelled. MASTER MASON. The forts are taken. RUODI. And we of Uri, do we still endure Upon our native soil the tyrant's keep? Are we the last to strike for liberty? MASTER MASON. Shall the yoke stand that was to bow our necks? Up! Tear it to the ground! ALL. Down, down with it! RUODI. Where is the Stier of Uri? URI. Here. What would ye? RUODI. Up to your tower, and wind us such a blast, As shall resound afar, from hill to hill; Rousing the echoes of each peak and glen, And call the mountain men in haste together! [Exit STIER OF URI - enter WALTER FURST. FURST. Stay, stay, my friends! As yet we have not learned What has been done in Unterwald and Schwytz. Let's wait till we receive intelligence! RUODI. Wait, wait for what? The accursed tyrant's dead, And the bright day of liberty has dawned! MASTER MASON. How! Do these flaming signals not suffice, That blaze on every mountain top around? RUODI. Come all, fall to - come, men and women, all! Destroy the scaffold! Tear the arches down! Down with the walls; let not a stone remain. MASTER MASON. Come, comrades, come! We built it, and we know How best to hurl it down. ALL. Come! Down with it! [They fall upon the building at every side. FURST. The floodgate's burst. They're not to be restrained. [Enter MELCHTHAL and BAUMGARTEN. MELCHTHAL. What! Stands the fortress still, when Sarnen lies In ashes, and when Rossberg is a ruin? FURST. You, Melchthal, here? D'ye bring us liberty? Say, have you freed the country of the foe? MELCHTHAL. We've swept them from the soil. Rejoice, my friend; Now, at this very moment, while we speak, There's not a tyrant left in Switzerland! FURST. How did you get the forts into your power? MELCHTHAL. Rudenz it was who with a gallant arm, And manly daring, took the keep at Sarnen. The Rossberg I had stormed the night before. But hear what chanced. Scarce had we driven the foe Forth from the keep, and given it to the flames, That now rose crackling upwards to the skies, When from the blaze rushed Diethelm, Gessler's page, Exclaiming, "Lady Bertha will be burnt!" FURST. Good heavens! [The beams of the scaffold are heard falling. MELCHTHAL. 'Twas she herself. Here had she been Immured in secret by the viceroy's orders. Rudenz sprang up in frenzy. For we heard The beams and massive pillars crashing down, And through the volumed smoke the piteous shrieks Of the unhappy lady. FURST. Is she saved? MELCHTHAL. Here was a time for promptness and decision! Had he been nothing but our baron, then We should have been most chary of our lives; But he was our confederate, and Bertha Honored the people. So without a thought, We risked the worst, and rushed into the flames. FURST. But is she saved? MELCHTHAL. She is. Rudenz and I Bore her between us from the blazing pile, With crashing timbers toppling all around. And when she had revived, the danger past, And raised her eyes to meet the light of heaven, The baron fell upon my breast; and then A silent vow of friendship passed between us - A vow that, tempered in yon furnace heat, Will last through every shock of time and fate. FURST. Where is the Landenberg? MELCHTHAL. Across the Bruenig. No fault of mine it was, that he, who quenched My father's eyesight, should go hence unharmed. He fled - I followed - overtook and seized him, And dragged him to my father's feet. The sword Already quivered o'er the caitiff's head, When at the entreaty of the blind old man, I spared the life for which he basely prayed. He swore Urphede [26], never to return: He'll keep his oath, for he has felt our arm. FURST. Thank God, our victory's unstained by blood! CHILDREN (running across the stage with fragments of wood). Liberty! Liberty! Hurrah, we're free! FURST. Oh! what a joyous scene! These children will, E'en to their latest day, remember it. [Girls bring in the cap upon a pole. The whole stage is filled with people. RUODI. Here is the cap, to which we were to bow! BAUMGARTEN. Command us, how we shall dispose of it. FURST. Heavens! 'Twas beneath this cap my grandson stood! SEVERAL VOICES. Destroy the emblem of the tyrant's power! Let it burn! FURST. No. Rather be preserved! 'Twas once the instrument of despots - now 'Twill be a lasting symbol of our freedom. [Peasants, men, women, and children, some standing, others sitting upon the beams of the shattered scaffold, all picturesquely grouped, in a large semicircle. MELCHTHAL. Thus now, my friends, with light and merry hearts, We stand upon the wreck of tyranny; And gallantly have we fulfilled the oath, Which we at Rootli swore, confederates! FURST. The work is but begun. We must be firm. For, be assured, the king will make all speed, To avenge his viceroy's death, and reinstate, By force of arms, the tyrant we've expelled. MELCHTHAL. Why, let him come, with all his armaments! The foe within has fled before our arms; We'll give him welcome warmly from without! RUODI. The passes to the country are but few; And these we'll boldly cover with our bodies. BAUMGARTEN. We are bound by an indissoluble league, And all his armies shall not make us quail. [Enter ROSSELMANN and STAUFFACHER. ROSSELMANN (speaking as he enters). These are the awful judgments of the lord! PEASANT. What is the matter? ROSSELMANN. In what times we live! FURST. Say on, what is't? Ha, Werner, is it you? What tidings? PEASANT. What's the matter? ROSSELMANN. Hear and wonder. STAUFFACHER. We are released from one great cause of dread. ROSSELMANN. The emperor is murdered. FURST. Gracious heaven! [PEASANTS rise up and throng round STAUFFACHER. ALL. Murdered! the emperor? What! The emperor! Hear! MELCHTHAL. Impossible! How came you by the news? STAUFFACHER. 'Tis true! Near Bruck, by the assassin's hand, King Albert fell. A most trustworthy man, John Mueller, from Schaffhausen, brought the news. FURST. Who dared commit so horrible a deed? STAUFFACHER. The doer makes the deed more dreadful still; It was his nephew, his own brother's child, Duke John of Austria, who struck the blow. MELCHTHAL. What drove him to so dire a parricide? STAUFFACHER. The emperor kept his patrimony back, Despite his urgent importunities; 'Twas said, indeed, he never meant to give it, But with a mitre to appease the duke. However this may be, the duke gave ear, To the ill counsel of his friends in arms; And with the noble lords, von Eschenbach, Von Tegerfeld, von Wart, and Palm, resolved, Since his demands for justice were despised, With his own hands to take revenge at least. FURST. But say, how compassed he the dreadful deed? STAUFFACHER. The king was riding down from Stein to Baden, Upon his way to join the court at Rheinfeld, - With him a train of high-born gentlemen, And the young princes, John and Leopold. And when they reached the ferry of the Reuss, The assassins forced their way into the boat, To separate the emperor from his suite. His highness landed, and was riding on Across a fresh-ploughed field - where once, they say, A mighty city stood in Pagan times - With Hapsburg's ancient turrets full in sight, Where all the grandeur of his line had birth - When Duke John plunged a dagger in his throat, Palm ran him through the body with his lance, Eschenbach cleft his skull at one fell blow, And down he sank, all weltering in his blood, On his own soil, by his own kinsmen slain. Those on the opposite bank, who saw the deed, Being parted by the stream, could only raise An unavailing cry of loud lament. But a poor woman, sitting by the way, Raised him, and on her breast he bled to death. MELCHTHAL. Thus has he dug his own untimely grave, Who sought insatiably to grasp at all. STAUFFACHER. The country round is filled with dire alarm. The mountain passes are blockaded all, And sentinels on every frontier set; E'en ancient Zurich barricades her gates, That for these thirty years have open stood, Dreading the murderers, and the avengers more, For cruel Agnes comes, the Hungarian queen, To all her sex's tenderness a stranger, Armed with the thunders of the church to wreak Dire vengeance for her parent's royal blood, On the whole race of those that murdered him, - Upon their servants, children, children's children, - Nay on the stones that build their castle walls. Deep has she sworn a vow to immolate Whole generations on her father's tomb, And bathe in blood as in the dew of May. MELCHTHAL. Know you which way the murderers have fled? STAUFFACHER. No sooner had they done the deed than they Took flight, each following a different route, And parted, ne'er to see each other more. Duke John must still be wandering in the mountains. FURST. And thus their crime has yielded them no fruits. Revenge is barren. Of itself it makes The dreadful food it feeds on; its delight Is murder - its satiety despair. STAUFFACHER. The assassins reap no profit by their crime; But we shall pluck with unpolluted hands The teeming fruits of their most bloody deed, For we are ransomed from our heaviest fear; The direst foe of liberty has fallen, And, 'tis reported, that the crown will pass From Hapsburg's house into another line. The empire is determined to assert Its old prerogative of choice, I hear. FURST and several others. Has any one been named to you? STAUFFACHER. The Count Of Luxembourg is widely named already. FURST. 'Tis well we stood so stanchly by the empire! Now we may hope for justice, and with cause. STAUFFACHER. The emperor will need some valiant friends, And he will shelter us from Austria's vengeance. [The peasantry embrace. Enter SACRIST, with imperial messenger. SACRIST. Here are the worthy chiefs of Switzerland! ROSSELMANN and several others. Sacrist, what news? SACRISTAN. A courier brings this letter. ALL (to WALTER FURST). Open and read it. FURST (reading). "To the worthy men Of Uri, Schwytz, and Unterwald, the Queen Elizabeth sends grace and all good wishes!" MANY VOICES. What wants the queen with us? Her reign is done. FURST (reads). "In the great grief and doleful widowhood, In which the bloody exit of her lord Has plunged her majesty, she still remembers The ancient faith and love of Switzerland." MELCHTHAL. She ne'er did that in her prosperity. ROSSELMANN. Hush, let us hear. FURST (reads). "And she is well assured, Her people will in due abhorrence hold The perpetrators of this damned deed. On the three Cantons, therefore, she relies, That they in nowise lend the murderers aid; But rather, that they loyally assist To give them up to the avenger's hand, Remembering the love and grace which they Of old received from Rudolph's princely house." [Symptoms of dissatisfaction among the peasantry. MANY VOICES. The love and grace! STAUFFACHER. Grace from the father we, indeed, received, But what have we to boast of from the son? Did he confirm the charter of our freedom, As all preceding emperors had done? Did he judge righteous judgment, or afford Shelter or stay to innocence oppressed? Nay, did he e'en give audience to the envoys We sent to lay our grievances before him? Not one of all these things e'er did the king. And had we not ourselves achieved our rights By resolute valor our necessities Had never touched him. Gratitude to him! Within these vales he sowed not gratitude. He stood upon an eminence - he might Have been a very father to his people, But all his aim and pleasure was to raise Himself and his own house: and now may those Whom he has aggrandized lament for him! FURST. We will not triumph in his fall, nor now Recall to mind the wrongs we have endured. Far be't from us! Yet, that we should avenge The sovereign's death, who never did us good, And hunt down those who ne'er molested us, Becomes us not, nor is our duty. Love Must bring its offerings free and unconstrained; From all enforced duties death absolves - And unto him we are no longer bound. MELCHTHAL. And if the queen laments within her bower, Accusing heaven in sorrow's wild despair; Here see a people from its anguish freed. To that same heaven send up its thankful praise, For who would reap regrets must sow affection. [Exit the imperial courier. STAUFFACHER (to the people). But where is Tell? Shall he, our freedom's founder, Alone be absent from our festival? He did the most - endured the worst of all. Come - to his dwelling let us all repair, And bid the savior of our country hail! [Exeunt omnes. SCENE II. Interior of TELL'S cottage. A fire burning on the hearth. The open door shows the scene outside. HEDWIG, WALTER, and WILHELM. HEDWIG. Boys, dearest boys! your father comes to-day. He lives, is free, and we and all are free! The country owes its liberty to him! WALTER. And I too, mother, bore my part in it; I shall be named with him. My father's shaft Went closely by my life, but yet I shook not! HEDWIG (embracing him). Yes, yes, thou art restored to me again. Twice have I given thee birth, twice suffered all A mother's agonies for thee, my child! But this is past; I have you both, boys, both! And your dear father will be back to-day. [A monk appears at the door. WILHELM. See, mother, yonder stands a holy friar; He's asking alms, no doubt. HEDWIG. Go lead him in, That we may give him cheer, and make him feel That he has come into the house of joy. [Exit, and returns immediately with a cup. WILHELM (to the monk). Come in, good man. Mother will give you food. WALTER. Come in, and rest, then go refreshed away! MONK (glancing round in terror, with unquiet looks). Where am I? In what country? WALTER. Have you lost Your way, that you are ignorant of this? You are at Buerglen, in the land of Uri, Just at the entrance of the Sheckenthal. MONK (to HEDWIG). Are you alone? Your husband, is he here? HEDWIG. I momently expect him. But what ails you? You look as one whose soul is ill at ease. Whoe'er you be, you are in want; take that. [Offers him the cup. MONK. Howe'er my sinking heart may yearn for food, I will take nothing till you've promised me - - HEDWIG. Touch not my dress, nor yet advance one step. Stand off, I say, if you would have me hear you. MONK. Oh, by this hearth's bright, hospitable blaze, By your dear children's heads, which I embrace - - [Grasps the boys. HEDWIG. Stand back, I say! What is your purpose, man? Back from my boys! You are no monk, - no, no. Beneath that robe content and peace should dwell, But neither lives within that face of thine. MONK. I am the veriest wretch that breathes on earth. HEDWIG. The heart is never deaf to wretchedness; But thy look freezes up my inmost soul. WALTER (springs up). Mother, my father! HEDWIG. Oh, my God! [Is about to follow, trembles and stops. WILHELM (running after his brother). My father! WALTER (without). Thou'rt here once more! WILHELM (without). My father, my dear father! TELL (without). Yes, here I am once more! Where is your mother? [They enter. WALTER. There at the door she stands, and can no further, She trembles so with terror and with joy. TELL. Oh Hedwig, Hedwig, mother of my children! God has been kind and helpful in our woes. No tyrant's hand shall e'er divide us more. HEDWIG (falling on his neck). Oh, Tell, what have I suffered for thy sake! [Monk becomes attentive. TELL. Forget it now, and live for joy alone! I'm here again with you! This is my cot I stand again on mine own hearth! WILHELM. But, father, Where is your crossbow left? I see it not. TELL. Nor shalt thou ever see it more, my boy. It is suspended in a holy place, And in the chase shall ne'er be used again. HEDWIG. Oh, Tell, Tell! [Steps back, dropping his hand. TELL. What alarms thee, dearest wife? HEDWIG. How - how dost thou return to me? This hand - Dare I take hold of it? This hand - Oh God! TELL (with firmness and animation). Has shielded you and set my country free; Freely I raise it in the face of Heaven. [MONK gives a sudden start - he looks at him. Who is this friar here? HEDWIG. Ah, I forgot him. Speak thou with him; I shudder at his presence. MONK (stepping nearer). Are you that Tell that slew the governor? TELL. Yes, I am he. I hide the fact from no man. MONK. You are that Tell! Ah! it is God's own hand That hath conducted me beneath your roof. TELL (examining him closely). You are no monk. Who are you? MONK. You have slain The governor, who did you wrong. I too, Have slain a foe, who late denied me justice. He was no less your enemy than mine. I've rid the land of him. TELL (drawing back). Thou art - oh horror! In - children, children - in without a word. Go, my dear wife! Go! Go! Unhappy man, Thou shouldst be - - HEIWIG. Heavens, who is it? TELL. Do not ask. Away! away! the children must not hear it. Out of the house - away! Thou must not rest 'Neath the same roof with this unhappy man! HEDWIG. Alas! What is it? Come! [Exit with the children. TELL (to the MONK). Thou art the Duke Of Austria - I know it. Thou hast slain The emperor, thy uncle, and liege lord. DUKE JOHN. He robbed me of my patrimony. TELL. How! Slain him - thy king, thy uncle! And the earth Still bears thee! And the sun still shines on thee! DUKE JOHN. Tell, hear me, ere you - - TELL. Reeking with the blood Of him that was thy emperor and kinsman, Durst thou set foot within my spotless house? Show thy fell visage to a virtuous man, And claim the rites of hospitality? DUKE JOHN. I hoped to find compassion at your hands. You also took revenge upon your foe! TELL. Unhappy man! And dar'st thou thus confound Ambition's bloody crime with the dread act To which a father's direful need impelled him? Hadst thou to shield thy children's darling heads? To guard thy fireside's sanctuary - ward off The last, worst doom from all that thou didst love? To heaven I raise my unpolluted hands, To curse thine act and thee! I have avenged That holy nature which thou hast profaned. I have no part with thee. Thou art a murderer; I've shielded all that was most dear to me. DUKE JOHN. You cast me off to comfortless despair! TELL. My blood runs cold even while I talk with thee. Away! Pursue thine awful course! Nor longer Pollute the cot where innocence abides! [DUKE JOHN turns to depart. DUKE JOHN. I cannot live, and will no longer thus! TELL. And yet my soul bleeds for thee - gracious heaven! So young, of such a noble line, the grandson Of Rudolph, once my lord and emperor, An outcast - murderer - standing at my door, The poor man's door - a suppliant, in despair! [Covers his face. DUKE JOHN. If thou hast power to weep, oh let my fate Move your compassion - it is horrible. I am - say, rather was - a prince. I might Have been most happy had I only curbed The impatience of my passionate desires; But envy gnawed my heart - I saw the youth Of mine own cousin Leopold endowed With honor, and enriched with broad domains, The while myself, that was in years his equal, Was kept in abject and disgraceful nonage. TELL. Unhappy man, thy uncle knew thee well, When he withheld both land and subjects from thee; Thou, by thy mad and desperate act hast set A fearful seal upon his sage resolve. Where are the bloody partners of thy crime? DUKE JOHN. Where'er the demon of revenge has borne them; I have not seen them since the luckless deed. TELL. Know'st thou the empire's ban is out, - that thou Art interdicted to thy friends, and given An outlawed victim to thine enemies! DUKE JOHN. Therefore I shun all public thoroughfares, And venture not to knock at any door - I turn my footsteps to the wilds, and through The mountains roam, a terror to myself. From mine own self I shrink with horror back, Should a chance brook reflect my ill-starred form. If thou hast pity for a fellow-mortal - - [Falls down before him. TELL. Stand up, stand up! DUKE JOHN. Not till thou shalt extend Thy hand in promise of assistance to me. TELL. Can I assist thee? Can a sinful man? Yet get thee up, - how black soe'er thy crime, Thou art a man. I, too, am one. From Tell Shall no one part uncomforted. I will Do all that lies within my power. DUKE JOHN (springs up and grasps him ardently by the hand). Oh, Tell, You save me from the terrors of despair. TELL. Let go my band! Thou must away. Thou canst not Remain here undiscovered, and discovered Thou canst not count on succor. Which way, then, Wilt bend thy steps? Where dost thou hope to find A place of rest? DUKE JOHN. Alas! alas! I know not. TELL. Hear, then, what heaven suggested to my heart, Thou must to Italy, - to Saint Peter's city, - There cast thyself at the pope's feet, - confess Thy guilt to him, and ease thy laden soul! DUKE JOHN. But will he not surrender me to vengeance! TELL. Whate'er he does receive as God's decree. DUKE JOHN. But how am I to reach that unknown land? I have no knowledge of the way, and dare not Attach myself to other travellers. TELL. I will describe the road, and mark me well You must ascend, keeping along the Reuss, Which from the mountains dashes wildly down. DUKE JOHN (in alarm). What! See the Reuss? The witness of my deed! TELL. The road you take lies through the river's gorge, And many a cross proclaims where travellers Have perished 'neath the avalanche's fall. DUKE JOHN. I have no fear for nature's terrors, so I can appease the torments of my soul. TELL. At every cross kneel down and expiate Your crime with burning penitential tears And if you 'scape the perils of the pass, And are not whelmed beneath the drifted snows That from the frozen peaks come sweeping down, You'll reach the bridge that hangs in drizzling spray; Then if it yield not 'neath your heavy guilt, When you have left it safely in your rear, Before you frowns the gloomy Gate of Rocks, Where never sun did shine. Proceed through this, And you will reach a bright and gladsome vale. Yet must you hurry on with hasty steps, For in the haunts of peace you must not linger. DUKE JOHN. Oh, Rudolph, Rudolph, royal grandsire! thus Thy grandson first sets foot within thy realms! TELL. Ascending still you gain the Gotthardt's heights, On which the everlasting lakes repose, That from the streams of heaven itself are fed, There to the German soil you bid farewell; And thence, with rapid course, another stream Leads you to Italy, your promised land. [Ranz des Vaches sounded on Alp-horns is heard without. But I hear voices! Hence! HEDWIG (hurrying in). Where art thou, Tell? Our father comes, and in exulting bands All the confederates approach. DUKE JOHN (covering himself). Woe's me! I dare not tarry 'mid this happiness! TELL. Go, dearest wife, and give this man to eat. Spare not your bounty. For his road is long, And one where shelter will be hard to find. Quick! they approach. HEDWIG. Who is he? TELL. Do not ask And when he quits thee, turn thine eyes away That they may not behold the road he takes. [DUKE JOHN advances hastily towards TELL, but he beckons him aside and exit. When both have left the stage, the scene changes, and discloses in - SCENE III. The whole valley before TELL'S house, the heights which enclose it occupied by peasants, grouped into tableaux. Some are seen crossing a lofty bridge which crosses to the Sechen. WALTER FURST with the two boys. WERNER and STAUFFACHER come forward. Others throng after them. When TELL appears all receive him with loud cheers. ALL. Long live brave Tell, our shield, our liberator. [While those in front are crowding round TELL and embracing him, RUDENZ and BERTHA appear. The former salutes the peasantry, the latter embraces HEDWIG. The music, from the mountains continues to play. When it has stopped, BERTHA steps into the centre of the crowd. BERTHA. Peasants! Confederates! Into your league Receive me here that happily am the first To find protection in the land of freedom. To your brave hands I now intrust my rights. Will you protect me as your citizen? PEASANTS. Ay, that we will, with life and fortune both! BERTHA. 'Tis well! And to this youth I give my hand. A free Swiss maiden to a free Swiss man! RUDENZ. And from this moment all my serfs are free! [Music and the curtain falls. FOOTNOTES. [1] The German is Thalvogt, Ruler of the Valley - the name given figuratively to a dense gray mist which the south wind sweeps into the valleys from the mountain tops. It is well known as the precursor of stormy weather. [2] A steep rock standing on the north of Ruetli, and nearly opposite to Brumen. [3] In German, Wolfenschiessen - a young man of noble family, and a native of Unterwalden, who attached himself to the house of Austria and was appointed Burgvogt, or seneschal, of the castle of Rossberg. He was killed by Baumgarten in the manner and for the cause mentioned in the text. [4] Literally, the Foehn is loose! "When," says Mueller, in his History of Switzerland, "the wind called the Foehn is high the navigation of the lake becomes extremely dangerous. Such is its vehemence that the laws of the country require that the fires shall be extinguished in the houses while it lasts, and the night watches are doubled. The inhabitants lay heavy stones upon the roofs of their houses to prevent their being blown away." [5] Buerglen, the birthplace and residence of Tell. A chapel erected in 1522 remains on the spot formerly occupied by his house. [6] Berenger von Landenberg, a man of noble family in Thurgau and governor of Unterwald, infamous for his cruelties to the Swiss, and particularly to the venerable Henry of the Halden. He was slain at the battle of Morgarten in 1315. [7] A cell built in the ninth century by Meinrad, Count Hohenzollern, the founder of the Convent of Einsiedlen, subsequently alluded to in the text. [8] The League, or Bond, of the Three Cantons was of very ancient origin. They met and renewed it from time to time, especially when their liberties were threatened with danger. A remarkable instance of this occurred in the end of the thirteenth century, when Albert of Austria became emperor, and when, possibly, for the first time, the bond was reduced to writing. As it is important to the understanding of many passages of the play, a translation is subjoined of the oldest known document relating to it. The original, which is in Latin and German, is dated in August, 1291, and is under the seals of the whole of the men of Schwytz, the commonalty of the vale of Uri, and the whole of the men of the upper and lower vales of Stanz. THE BOND. Be it known to every one, that the men of the Dale of Uri, the Community of Schwytz, as also the men of the mountains of Unterwald, in consideration of the evil times, have full confidently bound themselves, and sworn to help each other with all their power and might, property and people, against all who shall do violence to them, or any of them. That is our Ancient Bond. Whoever hath a Seignior, let him obey according to the conditions of his service. We are agreed to receive into these dales no Judge who is not a countryman and indweller, or who hath bought his place. Every controversy amongst the sworn confederates shall be determined by some of the sagest of their number, and if any one shall challenge their judgment, then shall he be constrained to obey it by the rest. Whoever intentionally or deceitfully kills another shall be executed, and whoever shelters him shall be banished. Whoever burns the property of another shall no longer be regarded as a countryman, and whoever shelters him shall make good the damage done. Whoever injures another, or robs him, and hath property in our country, shall make satisfaction out of the same. No one shall distrain a debtor without a judge, nor any one who is not his debtor, or the surety for such debtor. Every one in these dales shall submit to the judge, or we, the sworn confederates, all will take satisfaction for all the injury occasioned by his contumacy. And if in any internal division the one party will not accept justice, all the rest shall help the other party. These decrees shall, God willing, endure eternally for our general advantage. [9] The Austrian knights were in the habit of wearing a plume of peacocks' feathers in their helmets. After the overthrow of the Austrian dominion in Switzerland it was made highly penal to wear the peacock's feather at any public assembly there. [10] The bench reserved for the nobility. [11] The Landamman was an officer chosen by the Swiss Gemeinde, or Diet, to preside over them. The Banneret was an officer intrusted with the keeping of the state banner, and such others as were taken in battle. [12] According to the custom by which, when the last male descendant of a noble family died, his sword, helmet, and shield were buried with him. [13] This frequently occurred. But in the event of an imperial city being mortgaged for the purpose of raising money it lost its freedom, and was considered as put out of the realm. [14] An allusion to the circumstance of the imperial crown not being hereditary, but conferred by election on one of the counts of the empire. [15] These are the cots, or shealings, erected by the herdsmen for shelter while pasturing their herds on the mountains during the summer. These are left deserted in winter, during which period Melchthal's journey was taken. [16] It was the custom at the meetings of the Landes Gemeinde, or Diet, to set swords upright in the ground as emblems of authority. [17] The Heribann was a muster of warriors similar to the arriere ban in France. [18] The Duke of Suabia, who soon afterwards assassinated his uncle, for withholding his patrimony from him. [19] A sort of national militia. [20, 21, 22, 23] Rocks on the shore of the Lake of Lucerne. [24] A rock on the shore of the lake of Lucerne. [25] An allusion to the gallant self-devotion of Arnold Struthan of Winkelried at the battle of Sempach (9th July, 1386), who broke the Austrian phalanx by rushing on their lances, grasping as many of them as he could reach, and concentrating them upon his breast. The confederates rushed forward through the gap thus opened by the sacrifice of their comrade, broke and cut down their enemy's ranks, and soon became the masters of the field. "Dear and faithful confederates, I will open you a passage. Protect my wife and children," were the words of Winkelried as he rushed to death. [26] The Urphede was an oath of peculiar force. When a man who was at feud with another, invaded his lands and was worsted, he often made terms with his enemy by swearing the Urphede, by which he bound himself to depart and never to return with a hostile intention; Publication Date: May 21st 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.schiller

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Lev Tolstoy Anna Karenina Publication Date: February 25th 2017 https://www.bookrix.com/-albiorix

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M.E. Barbie Doll Do you really want to be Barbie? If Barbie were a real human she would weigh 101 pounds, be 7'2", wear a size 4 dress, her waist line would be 19", and her shoe size would be a 5. Her head would be the same size as her waist which would mean she would only have half a liver and a few inches of intestines this equals to chronic diarrhea and death from malnutrition. Her head would be so large that she would not be able to keep it up and she would have to walk on all fours since her feet are so unproportional to her body. So do we really want to be the real "Barbie"... Sources: peacelovelunges.com Prolouge "Robert... your daughter has anorexia." the doctor says. At home my dad beats me until I'm black and blue. "How could you do this to me! Ever since your mom died I've had enough problems!" I show him my only Barbie doll with half of its head left. "Look at her, look at her waist. Its perfect," I say, "I want to have that." He smacks me against the cheek. "You've ruined my life!" Chapter 1: Facing the Problem My stomach begs for food as the clock ticks by. Tick tock, tick tock. "Five more minutes and you can go home Venus. Five more minutes, " I think to myself. Finally, after what felt like an hour, the bell rings. Everyone rushes out of the classroom like a herd of wild horses. I try to keep up with the crowd, but from the lack of food, I pass out. My best friend Dakota picks me up and cracks a smelling salt below my nose. I suddenly come back to my normal self and thank her. Dakota said your welcome in sign language because of her refusal to talk. Years ago, I was over at Dakota's house. We were playing and I hit my tummy against the corner of a table. Dakota's mom, Ms. Rose, told me to lift my shirt just a little to see if there was any damage. I refused to at first then she made me. Slowly I lifted my shirt with tears in my eyes. Ms. Rose put her hand over her mouth and hugged me. I could hear her crying over my shoulder. "Dear, is your father neglecting you or..." she went on, but I did't listen. Later I told her the whole story. "Oh honey, you can't do this... it's killing you." Dakota nodded with agreement. "Well please don't tell anyone else." "I promise." Dakota showed. Mrs. Rose did not understand. "You need therapy. You can't do this. Its hurting you." She had set up a session at the Family Therapy Center to go once a week. Not once had I ever attended a session. The next morning I wake up. I try to get ready for school without waking my dad up. This day, it works. It doesn't happen everyday though. As I ride my bike to school, I arrive at a stop-light. Soon enough, I notice the populars are in their Yellow Hummer right next to me. Great What is she riding? Look at her clothes! and so on. The light turns green and I pedal onward. Chapter 2: Life at lunch At 12:45 p.m., after band rehearsals, comes lunch. Everyday I eat two baby carrots and half a bottle of spring water. I look around at the other students just scarfing down their food. Gross. I look in front of me and there sits Dakota. She is a vegetarian. Today she consumes spinach salad, celery, and one cup of green tea. To the average person it does not seem very filling, but to me, it look like you can gain a few ounces from eating it! "Are you sure you don't want any of my lunch?" Dakota offers. "I don't need anything but this." I say. "Ok then." Suddenly a random comment comes out of my mouth, "Do ever think you will speak again Dakota?" I slap my hand over my mouth. "I'm finshed with my lunch." Then she walks off with her lunchbox. "Dakota... I didn't mean it like that." The populars then come by with their lunches. Grace does not see the steak on the floor. She steps on it and her food comes hurtling towards my face. Splat! The gravy, steak, and all kinds of weight-gaining foods are on my face, even in my mouth. I rush to the bathroom and wash my mouth out. I gargle as many times as I can, but can still taste it. Then I go to the toilet and force myself to vomit. After five minutes I just sit there in the bathroom floor. The room starts to spin and then in an instant... I am out of it. Chapter 3: The incident I wake up and look at my watch, a quarter 'til two. "OH NO!" I think to myself. I get my stuff for chemistry and slowly walk to the classroom. Mrs. Fille is going to kill me! As I walk in the classroom everyone is staring at me, it is so quiet that you could here a pin drop. "Late again Ms. Palemero. See me after class." With guilt, I walk next to my partner Dakota. "Passed out in the girls restroom, did you not?" Dakota shows with a smart alec sense to it. "Yep," I awnser. "Now class if you will take what I call the "mouthwash" and poor it into the green substance you will get a surprise." Everyone does as Mrs. Fille said to and they did get a surprise. Out comes a smoke of vibrant colors: turquoise, pink, gold, silver, yellow, etc. It was so beautiful. "This is what you call the "beautiness in chemistry"." Mrs. Fille quotes strongly. Grace Cauble and Faith Weddington are behind Dakota and me. I turn around and see that Grace is whispering something in Faith's ear. Faith then laughs and looks at us. "I smell a rat," I whisper to Dakota. Dakota turns around and watches them snicker and laugh. She nodds. "Is there something wrong girls?" Mrs. Fille asks Grace and Faith. "Oh no! We were just dicussing about...ummm... H2O?" Grace says. The class laughs. I can see that Dakota doesn't want to be mean, (of her good nature of course) and tries to hold in her laugh. Her face turns red and then she bursts out laughing. You would think that a person who does not talk does not laugh, but it is different with her. After letting out a laugh or two, Mrs. Fille calms down the class and gets us to doing classwork. "Now remember, you cannot leave until this is finished." Mrs. Fille reminds us for the ump-teenth. I read the worksheet, "Ok we need to combine this and mix that and so on." We go to the back of the classroom and get the supplies we need. Without Dakota or I noticing, Grace and Faith switches one of our ingredients with another. We come back to our lab table and start. One set of partners finish and then two others finish. "Ok we better get started." I say. Grace and Faith are finished and so are everybody exept two other groups. Dakota and I mix everything together before the two other groups and instead of the mixture turning a burgundy color, it starts to bubble up and overflow the container. "Mrs. Fille!!!" I yell. "Move out of the way girls!" Mrs. Fille grabs the emergency hose and sprays our whole table. Lucklily, none of the mixture got on any of us girls. Mrs. Fille double-checks just to make sure. "I don't know what happened, we got the ingredients..." Mrs. Fille interupts me, "Well it was not sopose to do that! But I will let you guys off the hook. This time only!" "Got it!" I say. Dakota elbows me and then points to the door. Through the door I can see Faith and Grace laughing at us. I look back at Dakota and she looks at me. Through that look she is saying, "I knew that there was something wrong." Chapter 4: Confession to Another Dakota shows bye and leaves for band rehearsals. I know Ms. C would not care if I were late or not. "Ok now that everyone is gone, I want us to talk," says Mrs. Fille. "Sit down if you may." I sit in one of the black and white polka-dotted bean bags. "What has been going on with your many tardies? Is there anything wrong that I should know?" "I don't know," I say with my my head kept low. "Are you sick? I have a nursing degree. I am sure I can remember enough to check you up." "No thanks," I reply. "I will not take "no" as an awnser. Come here." Mrs. Fille demands. As she fiddles through her draws and cabinets, I slowly come toward her. "Aha!" Mrs. Fille holds up a spagometer, stethoscope, and themometer. "Oh no! Telling Dakota and her mom was enough." I think to myself. I started to sweat. "Ok now stick out your tongue." I put my tongue out and she places the themometer under it. After a minute or so the themometer starts beeping. "98.5 deggrees. Just one-tenth below the average tempurature. Mrs. Fille smiles at me. I try to fake a smile back. "Put out your arm." I am as obedient as a trained dog with its owner. She wrapps part of the spagometer and around my arm and starts to squeeze the thing-a-ma-bobber. "Ok your good on your pulse. Let me check your breathing." "Here comes the climax Venus," I think to myself. "Can you lift your shirt right beneath your chest?" Mrs. Fille asks. "Do I have to?" I ask with a sad puppy expression on my face. "Aren't you a little old for that trick?" "I don't know." "Quit playing around Venus. Now lift your shirt up a little so I can check your breathing." Slowly I lift my shirt regreting every second of it. "Why did I have to be late. Why did I have to come to school. Why did I even choose to stay after class. WHY DID I EVEN HAVE TO BE BORN!!!" I think to myself. Mrs. Fille's usual happy expression changes oppositely. "Venus... how could you do this to yourself? Chapter 5: Too Much to Handle "I don't know I just... I can't do this anymore!" Tears start to stream down my face. "But Venus. You can't handle this along. You need help." "I can handle this myself. It just makes it worse when someone tries to butt in MY OWN PERSONAL SPACE!" "VENUS PALEMERO YOU STOP IT THIS INSTANT!" Mrs. Fille commands. "YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" As if I am possessed by a demon, my hand comes up and smacks Mrs. Fille across the face. Mrs. Fille puts her hand against her injury and looks at me with tears in her eyes. I look at my hands. "What did I do!" I run out of the classroom and go as far away as I can from there. Chapter 6: More Problems To Handle I decide to run home. After ten minutes of running I finally arrive at my house. Usually my dad is at work at this hour, but not today. I try to sneak into the house without him noticing... it does not work. "Aren't you a little early from school?" he asks. "Well... ummm... the school was dismissed early today." I say. "Are you sure. Because you know that I don't like when your missing school." his voice gets louder. "Yes, I am sure." "Well then get yourself to work and make some dinner!" "Yes dad." I go to the kitchen and search for something that he will like through the cabinets. "Expired corn. No. Moldy melon pan. No. Chicken noodle soup. It'll have to do. I get one of the "kinda" clean pots and heat it on the stove. I open the can of chicken noodle soup and pour it in the pot. My dad starts talking to someone on the phone but I, unluckily, ignore it. The soup starts to boil. I turn off the stove and feel the noodles, and they come out perfect. "I fixed dinner dad." I say happily to him. He slams the phone down and gets up. "Do you know who that was?" he says starting to get angry. I get tense up. "No." "It was your school. You know what they said." "No." I back away slowly. He gets closer. "They said that they did not dismiss school early. They also said that you ran away from school!" "I'm sorry dad! I'm sorry!" I try to run away from him but I'm not fast enough. He grabs my arm and slams me against the wall. He punches my face and kicks my shin. I try to get away from him, but his grip of my arm is powerful. He pushes me down on the floor and starts to kick me like I'm dirt. "Dad stop it! Your hurting me!" "Why were you even born! Before I had money. I didn't need to work five jobs a week!" After beating me like a boxing bag for one hour, he stops. I'm so bruised up that I can't move. I call up Dakota, "How about those therapy sessions that your mom set up?" Chapter 9: Therapy Dakota picks me up in her "Eco-friendly car" (the really small one's that only have two seats, but they are still cute!) She litterally has to drag me to her car because I am so weak. She drives for about 45 minutes, and we finally arrive. "Water?" Dakota sits there with a cool bottle of water. I grab it and gulp it down. "You need help Venus." Dakota SAYS. I spit out my water like O'le Faithful. "You... you... YOU TALKED DAKOTA!" I scream. A sharp pain went through my stomach. "Maybe you shouldn't scream." Dakota shows. I hug her. "But you were doing good so far! Did you have to stop?" "We better go inside." she shows. She goes to my side of the car and helps me go inside to it. Dakota spots a row of wheelchairs and shows to the office-client, "Can I use this for my friend?" "Sorry I don't understand sign-language." "Could I use one of the wheelchairs? I really need one," I ask the lady. "Sure sweetheart!" I make a face at her "sweetheart remark". Dakota helps me in her the wheelchair. "Where is my 4:00 appointment?" "Last name?" "Palemero." I reply "First door to your left honey." "Does she really have to call me that?" I whisper to Dakota. Dakota merely smiles at me. We enter into the room and there is just this sense to it that you cannot make out. The lady there looks up at me and says, "Hi Venus! It's about time you came! My name is Dr. Anastasyia." Dr. Anastasyia is beautiful. With bright, beautiful,red hair that runs below her waist. Dark blue eyes in her deep set eyes. Her eyeliner made to make her look like an anime-girl. "Hi Dr. Anastasyia. I should have come a long time ago." I say with regret. "Well let's start." "I think I will leave you to alone. I need to go to mall anyway." Dakota shows. She smiles at both me and Dr. Anastasyia and leaves. "Very nice friend you have." "Yes, she has always been there for me." "You'd be a total mess if she weren't your friend, right?" Dr. Anastasyia says. "Yes..." I say like I think she is a physcic. "Well we better start at the beginning. How old were you when you started doing this?" Dr. Anastasyia crosses her hands and legs and leans forward to get every detail of my story. "I was nine years old..." Chapter 8: A Good Start "Okay. I guess that's all I need for today." Dr. Anastaysia says. "Wait I was only half finished." I plead. "It's okay. There will be plenty more sessions to come." she says while laughing. "Well thank you!" Dakota had arrived just in time. I was so busy preaching my story to her that I never noticed that the pain throughout my body was gone. I stand up and Dakota first sits me down then I say, "It is okay. I'm better now." "Awesome!" she shows. Dakota drives me to her house then when we arrive I say, "Shouldn't you just drop me off at my house?" "Woah no! You are not going back there after what your dad did to you. If you go back he's going to kill you!" she shows furiously. "Smart." I say while wiggling my pointer finger towers her. "Hello Venus! What are you doing here?" I could not say the real reason why because she will tell the whole world. I make one up. "Well...ummm... my dad received a new job and he has to fly to... JAPAN," I frightened Mrs. Rose after yelling "JAPAN". "for...ummm... a month!" "Well your welcome to stay here for however long you like." Nra. Rose says. "Thank you!" I ran over and hugged her. "No problem Venus." she says with confusion at my extreme excitement. Dakota takes me to her room. Her room is the same as it is since we were in diapers. Baby pink and cream white walls, pink flower wall decals, a white daybed with cherry-blossom patterned bedsheets. I dive into her soft bed. "Ahhh... dozy." I say with my eyes closed. "Relaxing isn't it." Dakota shows. "Duh. You know that I have to sleep on nothing but cardboard and newspaper. Stupid dad gets the temper-pedic." I say. "Do not call your dad stupid Venus!" "Dakota... he beat me like I was nothing." "You still don't call him that. At least you have a dad." she showed. "I am sorry Dakota. My head is not on right today." "Because your dad rearranged it." she showed. We both laughed and I knew Dakota forgave me. Chapter 9: Dakota's Story I was probably four years old when this happened. "YOU LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE!" The man held a gun five feet away from my forehead. My dad was a few feet across from me. "You move then she gets the bullet." the man said. "I trusted you Steven." "Well you trusted the wrong person." My dad was close friends with Steve. BFF's since preschool. It was just one random day that he stated acting weird at work. My dad and he worked as officers for the police department. My dad noticed his strange behavior but just ignored it. That day he had knocked on the door. My dad was picking vegetables from our garden that mom, him, and I planted together. Mom was at work. My dad failed to teach me about opening the doors to strangers so of my nature I opened it. Steve grabbed me and then I started yelling for him. My dad ran inside and threw a rock at him. It hit him in the shin. It was just enough for me to escape his grasp. But right before I could run into my dad's open arms, he held the gun. I had turned around and froze. After he told my dad about that he trusted the wrong person, my dad jumped in front of me. Then Steve shot the gun. I screamed bloody murder. It had startled Steve and he dropped the gun. I grabbed it and then shot him right in the heart. I ran back to dad. "Daddy don't die. Please don't die." I said with tears steaming down my face. "It's too late honey." And he was right. My hero right then and there died in my arms. Chapter 10: The Dreaded Dinner Table "GIIIRRRLLLSSS IT'S TIME FOR DINNER!" Mrs. Rose sings at the top of her lungs. I look at Dakota. She nods back. We walk to the dining room and there lays a whole entire feast. "Here I already filled your plates with food," Mrs. Rose says. "Ya... I just noticed. Heh," I say nervously. "Dakota of course I fixed you a tofu burger." "Thanks mom." shows Dakota. I look at Mrs. Roses's plate then at mine. Then I look back at hers then at mine. "Hmmm," Ithink to myself "so I bet that she is trying to fill me up big time." Mrs. Rose plate was 3/4 filled with food and mine was so filled with food that it was about to fall off. "Well what are you waiting for… eat." commands Mrs. Rose. I sit down and look at it. My heart starts to pound. Almost like that time when we had to do a seven minute speech about why education is important in front of the whole grade. I had practiced my speech during and after school and even in my sleep. I got so nervous that my mine went blank. I even forgot why I was up there. That is how nervous I am now. Dakota and her mom are already stuffing their faces with food. I pick up my spoon. Dakota smiles at me. First I start to pick at it then I scoop up about half a spoonful of mashed potatoes. I sniff it. "Not so bad for a potato." It think to myself. Here comes the moment of truth. I lift up the spoon slowly open my mouth and eat the mash potatoes. Then I swallow. Dakota and her mom were clapping for me. "You did it Venus!" Dakota SAYS. Chapter 11: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun "Venus! Oh my Venus!" Mrs. Rose rushes over and squeezes me. "Okay, I think you're cutting off circulation to my body." I say. "Sorry." And then she lets go. Dakota comes over and hugs me, but a gentle hug. "You know I'm not going to talk forever." she whispers in my ear. "Oh yes you will! Even if I have to sign you up for therapy sessions. Isn't that right Mrs. Rose?" "Great idea Venus! I'll call them up right now." Then Mrs. Rose walks over and furiously punches in their office number. "Yes I'd like to..." "Are you crazy!" Dakota shows. "If I have to do therapy sessions... you're going down with me. How about we put in a movie. "Star Wars" should we say?" "I got the whole series, so far, on DVD!" Dakota shows. "BOOSH-YAH!!" I exclaim. I go change into my pajamas and brush my teeth because we aren't usually the snackers. Plus we're probably going to watch the whole series, so far. I spot two light sabers and a Darth Vader mask in the corner of her closet. I put on the mask and grab the two light sabers. "I see we meet again Obi-Wan Kenobi!" The we burst into a light saber battle. "Not bad, but not good enough to match my power!" Then "Obi-Wan Kenobi" starts backing me up. I see we are going to run into a table, so with all my strength and energy, I lift up my legs and jump over and across the table. Dakota stops for one second and shows, "That was aucious!" We then notice that the previews are over and that the movie is starting. We jump into the couch and under the covers. When the clock struck 2:00 a.m. we both fall asleep. After two hours of rest I wake up and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Then I notice the kitchen is different, but still very familiar. I hear glass shatter. "What'cha you doing Venus?" I see a figure in the shadows coming towards me. "Who are you?" I ask nervously. "What'cha you doing Venus?" "You already asked that. Show yourself to me!" "WHAT'CH YOU DOING VENUS!" And I see my own dad hurtle towards me with a kitchen knife. Then the knife plunges into my chest. Chapter 12: Just a Nightmare? I wake up screaming. "Venus, Dakota are you okay!?" Mrs. Rose comes in with a baseball bat in her hand. "Sorry, it was just a nightmare." "Well as long as you both are okay. How about you go sleep in the bed?" "Okay. Dakota wake up." I throw a pillow at her head. She wakes up. "Your mom wants us to sleep in your bed." Then I notice. "How did you not wake up when I screamed?" "Heavy sleeper I guess." she shows. Then we walk to her room and collapse into her comfy, king-sized, temper-pedic. (More to come) The Lying Session "Okay Venus, how was your week?" asks Dr. Anastasyia. "Well I hope you will be happy to know that... I ate food. But more than just water and baby carrots... a whole dinner." Dr. Anastasyia looks alarmed. "Are you not happy?" I ask. "How much, exactly, did you eat!" "Maybe about a little more than a plateful." I say. " Venus! You have only gone through one session. And it was only about your anorexia story. You only do little at a time. Not more than my average eating. I am sure you will be fine as long as you take it slow now. And you didn't do anything physical exercise or anything related to that did you?" I think about the jump over the table. "No... of course not!" "Are you sure?" "YES!'" "Okay then. Now can we talk about why did you made this decision. About starving yourself." Dr. Anastasyia says. "Well you know every little girl plays with barbie dolls," Dr. Anastasyia nods, "I always saw how skinny her waist was. I wanted that." "Sometimes we just want to be just like something or somebody. Whether it puts our life in harm's way or not. Everything or everybody has flaws. So if everybody has flaws should we not just be ourselves." I nod. "I mean Barbie's body is so unproportional. It would he hideous if she were a human." I laugh. "There are some people in this world that have spent so much money on trying to look like Barbie. On plastic surgery or on makeup or clothing. Here let me write down some names that you should look up on the web. I would look it up here for you but, unfortunately, we have run out of time." "Okay that would be great!" She hands me the piece of paper with names folded up. I don't look at it so I just go see how Dakota is doing with her session. I look through the glass in the door and see that she is in her therapist's arms crying. The therapist says something to her and Dakota nods. She walks out wiping her tears. I have her look in my compact mirror and laughs at her smeared eye makeup. "So much for taking a whole hour on that." I put my arm around her and we walk to her car. A Crucial Mistake When we arrived back at the barn I immediatly run straight to Dakota's PC. I click on the search engine and enter in the first name: Venus Angelic. Hey! She has my name! The website popped up on the screen and I read the report. Venus Palermo more known as "Venus Angelic" is known for the work's living porcelaine doll. With fair skin and deep set eyes, Venus Angelic spends the average of 110 pounds a month on Dolly supplies including colorede contacts, makeup, wigs, clothes, and accessories. She has been discovered with her dolly style on youtube doing videos on how achieve this look . I scroll down to see her picture and she looks exactly like a doll. And her waist looks fine. I type in the next name: Valeria Lukeynova. Sounds foreign. I notice that Dakota is now by my side with her smeared makeup all off her face. The website pops up and we both read it. A sharp pain goes through my stomach, but only for a second. Valeria Lukeynova is known for the world's living Barbie doll. Having surgery on many of her body parts including: cheeks, nose, lips, breasts, and waist. "You know it still isn't good that she had her waist surgerically done," Dakota says. I shrug my shoulders and move on to the next name: Anastasyia Shpagina. One glance at the photo and I gasp. The sharp pain goes through my stomach again, but it comes back stronger. I start vomiting tremendously. "Mom, Call 911! Call 911!" Dakota screams off the top of her lungs and then breaks into a hard cry. An hour later, I am in a gurney rushing to the emergency room. I look off to the other patients. My vision is hazy. I don't know if this is it. I don't care if this is the end of the road for me. What happened, happened. I can't change it. As I am rolling through the hallways, one last thing goes through my head...Dad. End of Book 1 "Porcelain Doll" Book 2 Coming in May 2013 Text: M.E. Images: M.E. Editing: M.E. All rights reserved. Publication Date: March 3rd 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-porcelainedoll

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David Baldacci Deliver us from evil Publication Date: April 18th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-kfixitall

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Kylie (Kay) Golden Beaten The first time her step-dad stumbled in the door, clearly drunk. Nine years old,she crouched in the corner, wishing her mom was there. she had no idea why he was stumbling and raving to the house, but she was scared he would hurt her. "Katie! Get your ass over here!" he yelled, slurring his words together. he looked around the house and started yelling when he didnt see her. "You little sonofabitch!" he yelled and Katie started crying. he cuaght sight of her and pulled her out the corner by her hair, and katie sobbed louder. "I told you to come here!" he yelled slapping her straight across the face, and Katie yelled."I'm sorry stop please!" she yelled as he repeadiatly hit her, over and over. he pushed her into his and her mom's room, and threw her on the bed, she yelled and tried to scramble away, but he grabbed her and pined her down, she tried to force her mind to leave her body, so she barely noticed as he removed her clothes. Then the pain, it came so fast and sudden that she cried out and fresh tears blurred down her face, and he slapped her again.it went on and on and the pain just got worse. Then she went into the dark, now wonderfully numb. Publication Date: January 28th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-kbggirl

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Dianna Torres Playboy Daughter Playboy Daughter “Daddy please can I go to the party.” I walked as quickly as possible towards my dad in the perfume shop. I almost tripped with my heels. “Eli I said no, besides there will not be any adult’s there.” I could see how my dad’s assistant tapped him on the shoulder to look at me. My dad turned to me and said “You are not leaving the store dressed like that. Have you seen yourself?” I took in a deep breath and said “Now that isn’t fair you said I could wear whatever I wanted from the clothes in the mall.” “Not from Victoria’s secret!” He exclaimed. His gray hair was so white, I had 6 step mom’s since my mom. And my 2 step brother’s, that were never home. I never really knew my mom, I just know she left me when I was 2 months, and now 17 years later here I am. “You did not say that! Dad that’s so not fair! Please!” My dad left walking talking to his assistant and my dad’s huge body guard and they locked themselves in his office. I walked around when my dad’s girlfriend came out from around the corner. “Oh my gosh, Eli girl you look awesome!” I smiled and replied thanks. Then she said “So where you going?” I let out a sigh and said “No where I’m probably just going home dad doesn’t let me go to a party, so no where.” I replied quickly, it’s not that I don’t like her it’s just how would you feel if your dad was the creator of Playboy and he yelled at you for not dressing my age. I mean seriously, he get’s mad at me? He has naked girl’s walking around the house naked. I honestly think he isn’t one to be a parent at all. “Aww honey,” her hand touched my shoulder, and continued “I’ll take care of it okay give me a little bit.” I smiled then turned the other way while she walked into the meeting room. Why is it that my dad goes after young huge tit girl’s that look like they are anorexic? Not attractive but everyone has their likes and dislikes. I walked away from where the conference room was and looked in a mirror. My hair brown and long past my waist, my skirt was so short, and my shirt well strapless, and it looked as if I was going to have a Janet Jackson moment. My heels were high but they hurt my feet a little. I went behind the perfume counter and smelled them till I found one I liked. I sprayed myself then walked around, I was walking backwards and almost slipped when an employ’s arms wrapped around me. I looked up and saw blue eyes looking down at me. I turned around and started to stand up, “Thanks,” I said. The guy just looked at me and said “You might want to be careful walking in those shoes, they looked dangerous.” He smiled at me and I cleaned my self off, I tossed my hair behind me. I started to tug on my lip ring in my mouth. I smiled and said “Oh yeah sure,” I pulled my skirt down a little more and held my bag close to my side. I walked away in the direction his back was to. I reached the other side when I turned around and he wasn’t there anymore. I looked up but all I saw were shadows in the corners as if they were looking down at me. I kept walking and got to the cash register when a large horn went off and a red light turned on, everyone in the store ran out I followed them I ran so hard that I fell to my knees and my bag fell open. That was awkward my lip gloss, and condom fell out. My dad’s girlfriend came from behind and said “Honey your going to have to be more careful.” I smiled and said “That’s for sure. I got my perfume, eyeliner, lip gloss and other stuff I had in my bag. The horn seemed like it was getting louder. Out of no where the doors seemed to be shutting down. There was a loud crack as if something had broke from inside the earth. There were people up on ropes up on the ceiling swinging back and forth they did something to the alarm, because nothing like this had ever happened before. I hope my daddy was safe, I hope he got out from this madness. Shelby my dad’s girlfriend pulled on my hand toward the exit when I said “No! Where’s my dad I need to see him.” “Eli, he maybe waiting for you outside come on the doors are closing.” Shelby Left me while I looked around I headed to where I had met the guy with the cute blue eyes. I heard whoosh, noises behind me. I kept walking slowly. Until, a person wearing black jumped in front of me and scared me, I fell down to the ground and I scooted back slowly and said “Don’t hurt me I’m just looking for my dad.” The guy walked towards me when he held his hand out to me. I hesitated and he said “Hurry you don’t have much time.” I gave him a confused face and took his hand he pulled me up quickly that I didn’t realize he grabbed me close to his body, the red light kept flashing and I couldn’t move I was confused but over all I wanted to see that my dad was ok. They person pulled me towards the exit. “Follow me, or you may get hurt.” He pulled me harder, I was having difficulty but I did run with high heels. “What why?” I said loudly over all the noise. “Just do it.” I pulled loose. “I can’t,” I yelled “it’s hard with these shoes.” I was wresting on a shelf, that had home supplies like drills, saws and stuff like that. My breathing was hard I couldn’t see the guy’s face, but I bet he could see mine. The guy took off a mask, I could only see his eyes with the mask but know I couldn’t see anything. I wonder who it was. My breathing was hard and harder with each breath I took. The guy walked over to me and he said in a low voice as if it was a teenager he said over all the noise “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.” His hand pulled me towards him, I tug on my lip ring and thought ‘what?’ His arms wrapped around me and kissed me, I felt like my eyes fluttered, My hands were on his chin, I felt like I was going to explode of happiness when there came a noise that said “20 seconds till self destruct.” Talk about ruining the mood. His hand rested on my back, and mine were trapped under his hard hot chest. He broke away and pulled his mask over his face before I could realize where I was his arm was around me and I felt him go up, to the ceiling. He swung and I had no idea where we were going before I could tell the person was dropping down, he dropped me at the exit of the store. Before I could say anything I found myself ask, “What’s your name?” The guy took his mask off and I knew that I didn’t need to ask his name, I knew who he was. I walked outside and touched my lips, they felt like they burned, that they weren’t over the adrenalin yet. I ran to a little are that had storage rooms they were all open they had people inside, I saw my dad and ran to him however I could with the 6 inch heels I ran to him, and his hand touched my face as if it was surprising to see me. “Eli, honey are you okay?” I nodded and said “I met this…..” I stopped and told him “really good new perfume I got lost and couldn’t find my way out.” My dad looked like I was lying and he ignored it and said “But are you okay?” I nodded and said “Yes dad I’m fine really.” I ‘m going to go walk around okay.” He nodded and I walked for awhile when I laid on the back of the storage rooms, I took a little bottle of Smirnoff, from my bag surprised that the little bottle did not break after I fell twice. I wanted to light up but chose against it. When I saw a little go running towards me crying. It was a little girl she looked Asian girl, I picked her up and walked past my dad I found a shed that had food. I got food for her then I walked towards the store when the little girl held her hands put behind me I saw a woman on the ground with a baby in her lap I walked to her and let go of the little girl. She scrambled to her mom I saw how much the mom was hungry so I took out my purse, and gave her a $100 bill. She shook her head but I just shove the bill in front of her. She finally took it, and smiled held her little girl close to her and her baby, and leaned on the wall to sleep. My dad walked by and saw people walking out from the store, I jumped up and said “Dad What’s going on?” “They turned the alarm off, it’s okay to go in.” “But it said self destruct and stuff I heard it.” My dad touched my shoulder and said “Yeah Eli, that’s part of the alarm.” He didn’t go in but talked to people, I choose to walk in so I could see and find the guy, that had saved me. I wanted to thank the guy. I ran into the sop, there were the red lights still. I went to the clothes department store. Nothing. The Game Stop. Nothing. Where else, oh food court? Nothing! I ran everywhere and nothing. Lingerie? I saw cute clothes. But nothing. I went to the aisle that I had met the guy before, I waited in that little aisle. I heard a whoosh my hair flipped to the front I turned around then nothing, I turned to look to the front and he was inches from me, I jumped back and almost slid, the guy held his hands out and pulled me. I smiled then me hands went to his face, I started to lift his mask, when he stepped back and said “No don’t.” I smiled walked forward and said “Why?” “It’s not who you think. You could not be happy of who I am.” I kept walking to him while he walked back. “I’m not one to judge. I’m nobody just because my dad is famous makes me famous. I’m nobody in this world.” The guy stopped and said “That’s not true. Your part of the life cycle, your too important to be lost.” I stopped and said “Hell no. I would wear a mask if I could. Just to be unknown.” The guy walked forward and said “You don’t mean that.” The guy walked me to the shelf, so my back was to it. My hair rested in front of me, it covered my breasts, My hand stretched out on the metal shelves. His chest was up to mine, my head leaning back. This guy, moved his head forward, “You are too important,” his breath smelled like piña colada gum “Eli Heffner, are a treasure to the world. He looked to where my hand was, he took it and put it to his chest, this is a heart of a no one.” I then moved my face closer to his and said “I love this heart beat.” The guy took off his mask and I saw his clear blue eyes, with gages in his ears. Not the dramatic ones. The really small ones. I took his hand and said “This is a heart beat of a girl wanting to find love in the world. Who is just like you.” The boy looked from my chest to my face and I moved my hand to his shoulder the other to his chin, I felt his breath on my lips I closed the space between our lips and felt his tongue on my tongue. I felt his hands move from the shelf to my body. His hand caress, my leg. His other hand was on my waist I broke away by biting his lip and pulling up. Out of no where he said “You’re the only girl that makes my heart beat slowly and faster at the same time.” I smiled ran my hand through his hair and I said “I’ve never had my skin get Goosebumps when a guy touched me before, like the second when you helped me, today.” His hands fell down and said “I can’t do this. It’s wrong, and I’m here to work not for anything else.” He stepped back and headed for the end of the aisle. I ran behind him and said “No wait I don’t even know your name? This has never happened to me before. And before today this was a boring life I was awakened, when I met you.” He turned around looked at me and looked like the main character from Kick Ass, the nerdy guy that turns into a hero. Only he didn’t wear glasses. “We have 2 different world’s that could never happen. This would have never worked.” I wanted to fall to the ground and cry, like a child but I had to be mature. I walked to him pulled his arm, I made him look at me. “Look at me!” I yelled “I’m miserable living like this. I don’t want to be this person. My life is hell!” “My name is Alex, it can’t be as bas as having to work everyday of your life.” His hands gripped my arms, he kissed me for a long time. I felt like I would float away, if he hadn’t had his hands on my arms. Our noses touched for seconds he kissed me one last time. His hands let go of me they found their way to my fingers, he intertwined them when a voice broke out. “Hey you there who are you.” Alex stepped away from me put his mask on and swung away from where there were people running towards me. I saw on my finger that there was a ring on my fingers. I pulled it to my eyes and saw an address. This looked to be the start of a new adventure, in my life. Publication Date: February 9th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-dianna23

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-toni-n-amber-m-my-sister-039-s-best-friend/

Toni N. & Amber M. My Sister's Best Friend I dedicate this to emmachan17 and YOU. I said it didn't I. Y-O-U! :D Chapter One "Dakotah!" My mother yelled from downstairs. I groaned and covered my head with my pillow. My door opened and Anna came into my room. She grabbed my pillow and pulled it off my face. She threw it beside me. "Get up, sleeping beauty. It's your first day of high school." Anna said. After five minutes I finally got up and walked to my closet. I grabbed my usual clothes and headed into my bathroom. I laid them on the counter and started to strip my clothes. I turned on the shower and waited for a couple seconds. Then I got in and washed my hair with my shampoo and conditioner that Annabelle had bought me. After I washed my hair I got out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around me and walked into my room. I heard a knock at the door and it opened. It was my sister Annabelle. "Are you trying to be late?" my sister snapped at me. "Yes, Anna. I am." I said sarcastically. "Whatever...hurry up." She said as she walked out the door. I put on my usual clothes on. "Anna!" I yelled. "What, Dakotah?!" She yelled from the bottom stair. "I'm coming!" I yelled as I grabbed my black bag and threw it onto my shoulder. I opened my door and walked down the stairs. I heard a familiar annoying male voice talking to Anna by the door. I turned around the corner and caught a pair of emerald green eyes. I Scowled at him and sigh. I look at Anna and give her death glares. "Can I have a word, Anna?!" I asked her. She told Seth to go a head and go get in the car. Yep...that's his name. The guy I hate. My sister's best friend, Seth. The guy with the emerald green eyes and black hair. Seth walked out the door and Anna closed it behind. She walked over to me and sighed. "What?" She asked. "Why is he here?" I asked with a mad look. "I'm giving him a ride. He's my best friend, Dakotah. Just be nice." She said and walked outside. I rolled my eyes and followed her. I hopped in the back and leaned my head on the window after I shut the door. Anna got in and started the engine. She began driving towards school. The place that was my personal-, I thought but got cut off by the blasting of a radio in my ear. I rolled my eyes and realized it was it girl by Jason Derulo. Like the song just hate it blasted in my ear. I listened to it on the way to school while Anna sang along to it. I've been looking under rocks and breaking locks Just tryna find ya I've been like a maniac insomniac, 5 steps behind ya Tell them other girls, they can hit the exit Check please... Cause I finally found the girl of... my dreams Much more than a Grammy award, That's how much you mean to me [Chorus:] You could be my it girl Baby you're the shit girl Lovin' you could be a crime Crazy how we fit girl, This is it girl Give me 25 to life I just wanna rock all night long, And put you in the middle of my spotlight You could be my it girl You're my biggest hit girl Let me play it loud Let me play it loud like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Let me play it loud Let me play it loud like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Let me play it loud You can't help but turn them heads Knockin' them dead Dropping like flies around you If I get your body close not letting go Hoping you're about to Tell them other guys they can lose your number You're done! They don't get another shot cause you're... love drunk! Like a TV show playing reruns Every chance I get, I'm a turn you on [Chorus:] You could be my it girl Baby you're the shit girl Lovin' you could be a crime Crazy how we fit girl This is it girl Give me 25 to life I just wanna rock all-night-long And put you in the middle of my spotlight You could be my it girl You're my biggest hit girl Let me play it loud Let me play it loud like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Let me play it loud Let me play it loud like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Let me play it loud [Bridge:] Can't seem to stop you from... running, running Through my, through my mind, mind Just keep it coming, coming Til' I make you mine, mine You've got that something, something I wanna be with girl You're my greatest hit girl Just say this is it girl... Hey baby... Don't you know you're my it girl [Chorus:] You could be my it girl Baby you're the shit girl Lovin' you could be a crime Crazy how we fit girl This is it girl, Give me 25 to life I just wanna rock all night long And put you in the middle of my spotlight You could be my it girl You're my biggest hit girl Let me play it loud Let me play it loud like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Let me play it loud Let me play it loud like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Let me play it loud Let me hear you singing like... Oh oh oh oh [x2] Everybody in the crowd Let me hear you singing like This is it girl. When the song went off we arrived at school. Just a three minute drive away from our house. I sighed and ignored the glares when I got out. I walked beside Seth and he walked beside Anna. Anna said her goodbyes and left me alone with Seth. I stopped and put my hand into fist. A girl with blond hair and really revealing clothes walked up to Seth. I almost busted out laughing if she hadn't kissed him. I gagged and she pulled away from Seth. "Do you got a problem, trash?" She slung her words at me. "Hmmm...Thanks." I said with a grin. I was about to walk off but she stepped in front of me. Seth was just smiling away because he probably was enjoying the view of you know. "Do you mind?" I snapped. "Actual no." She said. I rolled my eyes at her. The next thing I knew she had pushed me and I landed on the grass. Thank god for soft grass! I looked at Seth and he had that look of angry. He was about to tell his girl friend to stop but it was too late. She kicked me and that had only made me madder. I stood up and laughed. "Hun, I don't play girly girl." I said and then I punched her in the face. She fell to the ground just as the principal came. "You two! My office now!" She yelled at us. Chapter Two I woke up and rubbed my eyes. I had got expelled from school for three days. Yay! No school for me. I yawned and smelled something good from downstairs. I hopped up still in yesterdays clothes. I walked downstairs and walked into the kitchen. My mother was cooking breakfast and it smelt wonderful. She already knew about yesterday, so she really didn't care. I sat down on the stool and she put a plate filled with eggs, bacon, and toast. After I ate my breakfast I got up and went upstairs into my bedroom. I walked to my stereo and I turned the knob. I stopped it when it was on stereo hearts by Gym Class Heroes. I smiled and started dancing to it. I got irrupted by my mother walking in. I walked over to my stereo and turned the knob to off. "What's up?" I asked as I flopped down on my bed and patted the spot beside me. "I'm going back to work." She said. "Why?" I asked. "It's an extra shift. I'll be making more money." She said as she sat down beside me. "Mom? That's too much for you." I said, worried. "No, honey. It's not that hard on me. I'll be home-" I cut her off. "Home half the time." I said. "Yeah. look..I'll be fine and your sister will be here." She said. "So how long will it be?" I asked. "Two weeks." She said. "Oh....Where's it at?" I asked. "In Ohio." She said. My eyes widen and I frown. "Mum, that's a long way from here." I said. We live in California. "I'll be back sooner than you think." She said as she stood up and kissed my forehead. "I promised." She whispered. I sighed,laid back as soon as she left my room ,and shut the door. I went to the living room and sat down on the couch. I sat there thinking about Mum. Then I thought of every little thing Anna would do when mums gone. I jumped out of my thoughts when I heard a crash in the kitchen. I got up off the couch and grabbed the nearest thing to me, which was my sister's favorite hair brush. I slowly walked around the corner and throw the hairbrush and it hits the ceiling. It comes back down and hits me on the head. I looked up at the same time the brush hit my head. it was Annabelle. I groaned in pain and rubbed my head. "What are you doing here?!" I snapped. "I skipped school." She said as she shrugged. "Why?" I asked as I walked over to the stool and sat down. "I felt like it." She said as she opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. She untwisted the lid and drank a little bit of it. She closed it and sat it down on the table. "Oh. Mum is going to be gone for two weeks." I blurted out. She looks at me and she runs over to me. "You know what this means?!" She asked me. "No." I said as I moved my face away from hers. She's so....creepy at times. "It means! Parties with cute guys, desperate guys, lonely guys, dreamy guys-" She continued on but I cut her off. "Your obsessed with guys." I pointed out to her. "No, I'm not." She said, trying to defend herself. "Yeah. Sure." I said as I stood up and walked into the living room. I sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote. I hit the 'on' button and the TV came on. I turned it to Alien surf girls. Its not a bad show, I thought. Anna had sat beside me and she got interested in it. She got so interested in it she wouldn't stop asking questions and screaming,"I want Amber with Luca!" or "Luca! Your an Idiot!' I swear sometimes she can be both creepy and annoying at the same time. After the episode went off she went to the kitchen to make popcorn. She came back and sat the bowl between us. When she heard that another episode of Alien surf girls is now starting she flippin' screamed. I covered my ears and groaned. I grabbed a handful of popcorn during the scene were Kiki and Luca are out in the Cane field. He wanted to show her something and it was the crop circle they had made. I finished the popcorn in my hand. I grabbed another handful but I threw it out of my hands everywhere when Anna had yelled,"NO! WHAT ABOUT AMBER?! I HATE KIKI! WELL NOT REALLY!" I sighed and looked at her. "Anna?" I said as nice as I can. She turned to me and raised her eyes brows. "Yeah?" She replied. "Will you just watch it without screaming?" I asked. "Uh sure." She said and looked back at the TV. "Besides I think Kiki and Luca are cute together" I said. She looked at me wide-eyed and mouth open. Just then her face was in mine. "No. Amber. Luca. Amber and Luca. No, Kiki and Luca. Got me?" She said. I nod and she sits back down. I roll my eyes and stuff my mouth with pop corn. After about two or three episodes went off the show was over. I walked upstairs and into my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and flopped down on my bed for a short nap. When I woke up I heard a noise downstairs. I Stood up and walked downstairs.My sister Anna was in the kitchen doing something. "Whatcha doing?" I asked her as I leaned on the door way. "Making something to eat." Anna told me. "like what?" I asked as my stomach growled. "Just a sandwich. Want one?" She asked. "Sure." I said as she handed me a sandwich. "Thanks. If ya need me I'll be in my room." I said. I went back upstairs to my room and closed the door behind me. I grabbed my laptop and sat down on my bed. I stretched my legs and put my laptop on my legs. I pushed the on button and waited for it to turn on. The blue screen popped on and the icons to. I clicked the Google chrome icon and it popped up. I typed in Facebook.com and clicked log in. I logged in and checked everything. Nothing really important was on Facebook, so I turned my laptop off and sat it on my dresser. I laid in my bed and thought of ways to ignore Seth and his girl friend. I go back to school the day after tomorrow... Chapter Three A loud beeping filled my ear and made me wake up from the best night sleep I ever had. I hit the snooze button but it didn't work. I hit it harder but it just beeped louder, so I got mad and threw it at my door. It busted in several pieces. I heard footsteps coming closer to my door. The door swung open to reveal Seth. I groaned and threw the cover over me to hide my whole body including my face and hair. He sighed and flipped the bed. I fell on my face and let out a faint ow. I slowly pushed myself up and got onto my feet. I rubbed my cheek and looked at Seth. I dropped my hand down to my side. "What is your problem?!" I snapped at him. "Anna told me to wake you up. Considering you was already awake. I thought you needed some help." He said as he rolled his eyes. "Thanks for helping." I said sarcastically. He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes. We walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Anna was eating a bowl of cereal and drinking orange juice. Seth had poured him a bowl and started gulping it down like a pig. I sat down on a stool and poured some cocoa puffs into a bowl. I sat the box down when my bowl was filled and poured milk into it. I grabbed Seth's spoon while he was still eating and shoved it in my bowl. I scooped up a pile of cocoa puffs and shoved them in my mouth. Seth looked at me weird and then smirked at me. I turned to him and smiled. "Got a prob?" I asked as I put the spoon back in my bowl. "Yep. You took my spoon." he pointed out. "Yeah. Sure did. What about it?" I said as I picked another spoon full and shoved it in my mouth. "You just gave me a directed kiss." He said as he stood up and put his bowl in the sink. I pull the spoon out and throw it at his chest. The spoon had hit him successful on the chest and bounced off the floor making a clank noise. He held his chest and fake gasped. "That hurt." He pretended to act like it hurt. I rolled my eyes at him. I seem to roll my eyes a lot lately, I thought. After Anna and Seth had left I had the whole house alone. I laid down on the couch and turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels over and over until I got bored. I stopped on something random and started watching it. I threw a cover that had laid on the back of the couch on me. I got comfortable and watched TV. A little bit after my eyes keep shutting, so I gave in. I closed my eyes and cleared my head. I guess a nap would be fine,I thought. My eyes slowly open and I set up. I stretch and look around. The TV was still on the same thing I left it on, which was Syfy. I turned off the TV and stood up. I looked at the time on my phone and it flashed 3:12 p.m. My eyes widen and I sigh. "I've been asleep that long." I said. It had been seven something in the morning when I fell asleep. I heard laughs and giggles coming form the door. I wished in my head that it was just my imagination doing it but the door open. Anna and Seth step in laughing about something that probably wasn't even funny. I pushed my phone in my pocket and walked passed them to the stair case. "Dakotah?" Anna said. "Yeah?" I asked as I twirled around to look at her. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Going to my room to be in lazy world." I told her. "Sounds.....cool but don't you rather go do other things." She said. "Like what?" I asked. "partying." She said with excitement building up. I can see it in her eyes. "Anna, I know where this is going and no." I said and turned my attention back to the stairs. I put my foot on the first stair when arms went around me and picked me up bridal style. I didn't fight or complain. If I did I would just make myself look stupid. I just sat there in Seth's arms being dragged to god knows where. Anna had made me come to a party that looked like it's been going on since seven. I just stood there with my eyes glued to the ground. I was thinking of a way to escape but with Seth here I knew I'd never succeed at it. I just fumbled with my hands a bit and gave death stares to Anna and Seth. Anna bounced and sprinted into the house with loud music booming. I gulped as I took one step at a time until Seth had pushed me into the door. I punched his shoulder and crossed my arms like a kid. "Dakotah, Stop acting so childish. Loosen up and have fun." He told me. He gave me a slight smile and walked off. I sighed and turned behind me. Guys stared me up to down. I was disgusted and terrified of what they was thinking of doing to me or any girl at this party. I hurried away from them and bumped into someone. I looked up to see....... -------------------------------------------------------- Who did Dakotah see? Hoped you like the chapters so far. Next chapter is coming soon! :) Thanks for reading. Comment. Heart. Rate. -Toni N. & Amber M. Chapter Four Kaleb Wyatt Anderson. The guy I use to hate but man does he look....cute. Kaleb and I weren't the best of friends back in Middle School. Everyday it was the same. Insult each other, argue, get yelled at by a teacher, go to the office, get a detention, and then go home. "Kaleb?" I said at the same time he said,"Dakotah?' We laughed and smiled at each other. "What is Kaleb Anderson doing here on a Tuesday?" I said as I raised an eye brow. "What is Dakotah White doing here when I know she hates parties?" He shot back at me. "Hey! No dodging my questions!" I yelled over the music. He grinned and sighed. He raised his hands in the air and shrugged. "You caught me." He said. We walked outside and I pulled out my phone. I text Anna and Seth that I'm going for a walk. I pushed my phone back in my pocket and started walking down the sidewalk with Kaleb. "No, really. What are you doing here? I thought you moved away back in 8th grade."I asked. "Came for a visit." He said. "Ah, How long?" I asked. "That's a question I'm wanting to know." He said. "Mum and dad never told, eh?" It sounded more as a question than anything. "Yeah. So why is Ms. trouble at a party?" He asked. "Sister. She ordered Seth to drag(carry) me here." I said. "Oh. That's like your sister. Outgoing, yet, demanding." He said. "Yep." I said popping the p. "How's your mum?" Kaleb asked me. "uh, She's in Ohio." I told him. "Hmmm...Why?" "Work. She'll be gone for two weeks." I said. I looked up and saw that we had walked to the park. The last time I was at this park my Ex boy friend broke up with me....by phone. He called me, said those Twelve words, and hung up on me. Those Twelve words were It's not working out, Dakota. I'm Sorry. It's not you. It's me. After about two days he got together with Janette but She moved away about a month after they got together. My ex had transferred schools about a week after she left. I sat down on a bench and Kaleb sat beside me. "Man I love this park. Even though your Ex boy friend dumped you on the phone here." Kaleb said. "Yeah. Wait..you still remember that?" I asked. I had cried on his chest the day he was leaving. I looked stupid but he helped me out. He had told me,'If he had broke my heart over the phone he wasn't a real guy. He was just a pansy who lost something special.' "Surprising but yeah." He told me. I looked up at him and smiled. He looked at me and smiled. "When you told me he was just a pansy who lost something special...What did you mean?" I said. he rubs his head, which meant he was nervous. "I...kinda...liked...you." He blurted out. I chuckled at him. He just stared at me confused. I turned to him and sighed. "I knew it!" I yelled as I pointed in his face. His blushed and I laughed. He is so cute when he blushes. He stood up and I ran from him. He had chased me around the park. He was hot on my tail and I had no where to go. I was trapped in the corner and he slowly walked up to me. "No fair." I pouted. He wrapped his arms around my waist and stared down at me. He had leaned in close and was about to kiss me. I was about to jerk away but he had kissed me. It was a passionate kiss. He licked my bottom lip asking for entrance. I gladly accepted him into my mouth and he explored it. We finally broke apart and gasp for air. He removed his arms from around my waist and I walked around him. "I...have to..go." I whispered. I ran before he could say anything. I was too shocked to even go back to the party, so I text Anna. I told her I was not felling to bright and that I'm going home to sleep it off. I changed in my Pj's and slid under the covers. I hate myself right now. Why you ask? I had ran away from my problems again. I ran away from Kaleb. I left my sister and Seth at a party with a bunch of drunk teens. I sighed and closed my eyes. I just need some sleep and maybe I can sort everything in the morning. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sorry :/ That it is a short chapter. I'll make the next chapter bigger. Comment. Heart. Rate. Thanks :) -Toni N. & Amber M. Chapter Five ---------Two Days later...------------ My new alarm clock my mother had sent me yesterday from Ohio beeped repeatedly. I raised my hand into a fist and was about to hit the button but I missed and fell off my bed. I ended up landing on my face. "Ow." I mumbled. I stood up and rubbed my nose and walked to my closet. I grabbed my black skinny jeans with rips, my long black sleeve shirt that said,'I bite' on it, my leather jacket, and my black vans. Black is my favorite color as you can see and to top it off I'm depressed. I haven't talked or looked at Kaleb since two days ago. He goes to my school and today I have to go back to school. It sucks that I haven't even called him and told him how I felt about him. I have to go to school today and that means looking at Kaleb. He might have some of my classes and that made me jittery. I heard my name being called from downstairs. I took in a huge breath and walked downstairs. "Dakotah!" My sister yelled from the front door. "What!" I yelled as I walked to the front door. "Come on." She said. I huffed as she grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the house. Seth opened the passenger side door and she sat me down. Seth moved my legs and shut the door. Seth got in the back as Anna got in the driver side. She started the car and drove toward school. Anna turned on the radio and Grenade by Bruno Mars. Anna started singing and she looked at me. "Come on. Sing." She said. I shook my head 'no' but her eyes begged me to. I sighed and started singing with her. "Easy come." Anna sang. "Easy go." I sang back. "That's just how you live, oh Take take take it all But you never give. Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss had your eyes wide open. Why were they open?" Anna sang. "Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash. You tossed it in the trash, you did To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand." I said. "Is I'd catch a grenade for ya." Anna sang. "yeah, yeah, yeah." Seth sang. "Throw my hand on the blade for ya." I sang. "yeah, yeah, yeah." Seth sang. "I'd jump in front of a train for ya." Anna sang. "yeah, yeah, yeah." Seth sang. "You know I'd do anything for ya." I said. "yeah, yeah, yeah." Seth said. We stopped singing and looked out the window the rest of the way to school. I can't believe Anna can sing nor Seth. I would go through all this pain Take a bullet straight through my brain Yes I would die for you, baby But you won't do the same No, no, no, no Black, black, black and blue Beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from Bad woman, bad woman That's just what you are Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car Gave you all I had And you tossed it in the trash You tossed it in the trash, yes you did To give me all your love Is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand Is I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Throw my hand on the blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I would go through all this pain Take a bullet straight through my brain Yes I would die for you, baby But you won't do the same If my body was on fire You would watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me, you're a liar Cause you never ever ever did, baby But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya Throw my hand on the blade for ya I'd jump in front of a train for ya You know I'd do anything for ya I would go through all this pain Take a bullet straight through my brain Yes I would die for ya baby But you won't do the same No, you won't do the same Oh, you never do the same No, no, no, no The song ended as Anna parked her car and killed the engine. We all got out and walked into school. The principal had sent me my schedule yesterday. She had also called my house and we talked for awhile. She was a nice lady and by the sounds of it, she likes me. I sighed when I heard girls whispering to each other and giggle. I heard a couple 'the new boy is cute' and 'he's hot' as I walked down the hall to my locker. It bothered me. I liked Kaleb and now he thinks I dislike him. I unlocked my locker and grabbed the books I need for class. I slammed it shut and locked it back. I turned around and started walking up the hall when I looked up my heart raced, my eyes narrowed, and I began to shake. It was Kaleb. The fact that he was here wasn't the reason why I was hurt. It was the fact that a girl had her arm wrapped around his and he smiled at her like he was in deep love with her. I kept walking my legs were shaking and I felt a little pain in my chest. He never even made eye contact with me nor did he give me a simple hey or hello. I walked passed him not giving him a glance. I finally made it to my first period and sat down in my sit. The teacher was running late, so everyone got up and started talking to their friends. I was the only one writing down stuff in my notebook. Chapter Six Text: Copyright Toni N. & Amber M. Thanks to Amber. She wrote this with me. NO STEALING OR COPYING MY BOOK PLZ :) Thank you! :) Images: Favim.com Editing by: Amber M. All rights reserved. Publication Date: January 15th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-angelcake7235

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-taylor-murphy-rejection-hurts-revenge-can-help/

Taylor Murphy Rejection HURTS,Revenge Can Help To my mom, Claudette Murphy, my brother's late friend , Malcolm Williams, Andy Biersack, Zayn Malik, Jackson Rathbone, Alex Mckee, Avril Lavigne, Zac Efron, Alexander Ludwig, Ne-yo, Demi Lovato, Helen Mirren, Bruce Willis, Josh Hutcherson, Mark Wahlberg, Liev Schrieber, Taylor Launter, Zendaya, Jeremy Sumpter, Kellan Lutz, Channing Tatum, Christina Aguilera, Aishwarya Rai, and Omar Bokan Al Gala for allowing me to have you as my cast in wattpad.com. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. And I thank my family for the support. Chapter 1 A/N:To the side is my cover for the story. hope u lik Chapter1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I open my eyes to my alarm clock blaring. Glaring at the beeping machine I grabbed it and hit the snooze button on the clock and on me. Sudennly I am doused in cold water. I shot up in fright,teeth chattering. I looked up to see my tormentors the ones supposed to be my family. My brother,Jaxon and my brother's best friend who is a major player and ass,Dimitri.They were both glaring down at me harshly.I whimpered and cowered in fear. Already tensing and waiting for the first blow to hit.When it didn't come I relaxed only to get punched right after. I fell over and winced when i landed on old bruises.When I turned back around I saw Jaxon and Dimitri smiling sadisticly at my pain,waiting for me to shed a tear.The fact was that I had no more tears.When I didn't cry Jaxon growled softly. "Wake up you lazy bitch and make breakfast.You over slept.And for over sleeping you can skip breakfast. You look like you could miss a year." That seemed hilarious to them so they were just laughing away.And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse. "PERSEPHONE! GET YOUR PATHETIC ASS DOWN HERE  NOW !" I cringed at the harshness of his voice. I scrambled to get up and moving.As I did so Jaxon thought it would be funny to kick my legs from under me.I fell to the floor hard.I felt a foot come down hard on my back and winced at I felt some bones break.Jaxon rolled his foot on my back.He then removed it.I scrambled back on my feet and started towards the door.Jaxon didn't think I was moving fast enough so he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me down the stairs and into the kitchen. THere stood Alexander,my step-father,Alpha of our pack.And when we entered he glared at me menacingly. Jaxon lifted me off the ground by my hair and dropped me down hard.I stood up and looked at my step-father and cowered bacck in fear when I saw his eyes. They were pitch black. "PERSEPHONE.WHERE IS OUR BREAKFAST HUH.YOU LAZY COW.YOU ARE THE RUNT OF THE PACK. A DISGRACE. IN ORDER TO COMPENSATE FOR BEING THE RUNT,THE WEEAK LINK YOU MUST MAKE OUR BREAKFAST.SINCE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER LET ME GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO HELP YOU REMEMBER!" He walked toward me.I only then noticed the silver knife in his hand. I whimpered.He grabbed me roughly and shoved me down on the floor.He took the knife and dragged it agianst my skin on my neck making thin trails of blood flow down.Never removing the knife from my skin he dragged it back and down my back tearing my shirt in the process. I winced and then whimper when he dug the knife in the small of my back,cutting deeper. He then rolled me over and rose me to my knees. He removed his belt started to whip me with the buckle over and over. I cried out in pain and looked around. I noticed we had an audience. People who were woken from the noise came to investigate. When they saw what was happening, they created a wall around us and made sure I didn't get away. I saw my sister.She was looking at me like she didn't know what to do. I gasped when I felt the buckle get caught in my back. I screamed in agony when he yanked roughly back on it tearring a chunk of my back with it.I fell to the ground gasping in pain.He then grabbed me and pushed through the crowd to the kitchen. ""NOW DO YOUR JOB AND COOK US BREAKFAST!" I hurriedly cook them breakfast and went up stairs.As I walked upstairs I kept wondering what did I do to deserve this. Alexander deserved this pain not me. He was the one who killed mum not me.He was the one who murdered her and right in front of me. I winced at the memory. I wasn't treated like this before. Granted I wasn't treated good but I wasn't beaten.I was simply ignored. Back then I wasn't treated fairly because I didn't shift and was born with half black half blond hair.The front being blond and the back black. Back then when it was just me and mum she would teach me how to fight.She taught me how to fight with samari swords and swods in general. I was strong for my age and my mum always told me I was special and different. I belived her and still do. They called me by runt and only when they are mad or angry at me do they call me by my name, Persephone. Once I made it back upstairs, I headed to my room. I took out my sewing kit and my first aid kit. I sewed my shirt and then grabbed some floss with a needle. I cleanded the needle and then stiched myself up. And put bandages over it. I then careully slipped my shirt on and started my day off and started my chores. _____________________________________________________________________________ My bones whined at my movement as I went into my room. I finally finished cleaning and was worn out. I collasped on my rock hard bed and went to sleep. Half way into being almowt dead to the world my door opened.The light flicked on.I opened my eyes and looked up to see my brother and his friends.They quickly grabbed me and dragged me downstairs. They took me to the livingroom and brought me closer to the fire place. The fire flickered as my brother grabbed a wire hanger and twisted the point. He then put it into the fire until it glowed. He then turned to me and I started to panic, knowing where this was going and not liking it one bit. I tried to get out of his friends grasp but they were relentless.My brother was standing over mehe grabbed my arm and brought it closer. He then started to write on me with the scalding point of the wire. It took every fiber in my being to stop me from voicing my pain. WHen he stopped I looked at him emotionlessly.I pushed the pain back and looked at him with dead eyes.When he realised I wasn't going to cry or anything he then grabbed me by my ankle and dragged me back upstairs. My head hitting each stair making my vision to start to have black dots.Jaxon picked me off the floor by my ankle and then let me go.I fell right on my head and I groaned.The black spots in my vision grew and I knew there was a possible concusion. I didn't care even if I had one I went under, knowing that there was a possiblilty that I wouldn't wake up. This is what I would call my normal kind of day. Sadly and I am waiting till I finally snap or when my body can't take it anymore.Every day I still ask myself why am I still alive. Chapter 2 Chapter 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When my alarm blared agian, I was up so fast it made my head spin,literally.I leaned on my arm and winced.I looked down and gasped.It wasn't a dream.There was proof right htere on my arm.WHat my brother wrote on my arm spelled  RUNT  in caps. I sighed got up and dressed and hurried down stairs.Today was a special day.Today a pack was visiting and from what I heard it was the strongest pack in the continental U.S. Our pack ranked 4th.So, that meant I had to be extra careful today and make sure not to be seen. I heard that the Alpha's son ,Xavier birthday was today so that meant he could find his mate. I hope it's not one off those whores annd certianly not me. I definitely can't be a Luna of the frickin strongest pack in the U.S.! That is a recipe for disaster.That is why if I can I am staying far as I can from that dinner. When I got downstairs I made breakfast and cleaned alittle more than usual.I dusted and mopped till my bones ached from it hen keppt going. After I finished, poeple started to come in. I quickly scrambled up and pick up the cleanign supplies and put them up along with the ingredients from dinner.I hurriedly put out the salt,sugar,pepper,milk and orange juice.I then began to make my way upstairs when. "Persephone!" I winced and ran back downstairs to the kitchen. There stood Alexander with not and pissed off look like I was expecting but an annoyed one.I hesitantly answered. "Y-yes sir." He looked up at me. His gaze pierced mine to where I had to look down.It was considered disrespectful and chalenging to look and Alpha in the eye.I would not want to look like I was chalenging him.That would just stirr up unnesscicary shit. He cleraed his throat and stated in his booming voice,"You will be joining us tonight at the masquerade ball.You will pretend like your our daughter and then after you will make sure they never recognize you. THe story wiil be that you stooped by a short time for the ball and then left. You  will then change into a catering unifiorm and serve the guests.Tomorrow will then resume as was before.Are we understood?" I was taken aback. "Y-yes sir." Chapter 3 Chapter 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I decided to leave. Tomorrow problaly   Now what to wear.I searched through my closet until I remembered.I reached under my bed under it I found a box. Inside was a Betsy Johnson Evening Sweet Tulip Julep Tiered dress.Lacy and showed no cleavlege and covered my back. I kept my hair down to cover my neck from behind.I parted itat the far left (or right wateve) and but a bow clipps there to hold the hair back from my face there.I put on matchong bracelts and earings. A long necklace that stops at my waistline.with a little rose at the end.I put on some fishnet stockings and dark black eyeliner with purple eyeshadow to make my blue eyes pop. I slipped on my glossy black stilettoes and looked in my broken mirror. I liked what I saw.I grabbed my lacy mask but lacy to where you couldn't regognize me.   I walked downstairs.When I came down everyone looked ready but was staring at me.I smirked inside.I walked through the double doors into the ballroom. Music was already playing and most were dancing. I walked through the crowd to the table where Alexander,my brother another couple and what looked to be a rebel kind of son sitting next to them. When I walked up, Wlexander looke dup at me and nodded that it was okay for me to sit. SO I sat down beside him. The couple,I learned to be the Alpha and Luna of the midnight pack(the strongest pack in continental U.S.)THe Luna,Maria, smiled kindly at me.I hesitantly smiled back.   "So, darling you must be the Persephone Alpha Alexander was talking to us about. "   I nodded,"Yes mam."   "oh and so polite.Alexander I am impressed.If only our son was so polite as well. I must say darling though you look stunning in your outfit today. Where di you get that dress?"   "My mum bought it for me on my 16th birthday."   "She has equsite taste.I see where you get it from.Marques,darling, dont you think her dress is beautiful."   Alpha Marques looked at me and smiled a genuiune smile which I returned.   "I believe she is beautiful from the inside out which is what makes that dress beautiful."   I blushed,"Thank you ,Alpha Marques".   Luna Maria then took the stage by dropping the bomb.   "So, darling where have you been?I've visited often and have never met you until now."   "Well, I have been living elsewhere for that time.I came back to visit and come and meet you. I apologize we didn't get to meet sooner."   Luna Maria waved it off,"You are fine darling. As long as we got to meet now."   I nodded and noticed Xavier hasn't said anything. I looked up at him and see that he is staring at me. I knew then what he was to me but I gave away nothing and just rolled with the punches.I celt something pinch my thigh. I looked up saw Alexander showing me his watch. I knew now was my que to leave.   "Oh does anyone know what time it is."   "It is 11:35 why?"Alexander asked.   "I am sincerely apologize but I must go. I was just stopping by but I promise one day to visit your land if you would allow."   "Of course, though I wished you could stay longer you are welcome anytime."Alpha Marques held my gaze and I nodded.   I got up and gave Alexander and Luna Marcia a hug and Alpha Marques a firm handshake. I offered my hand to Xavier and he took it and brought it up to his lips.His eyes never leaving mine. When he let go , I am sure my face looked like a tomtato. Alpha Marques snickered.   "Now look what you have done son, you made her blush."   Well that made me blaush even harder so I said my goodbyes and headed out of the room. WHen I closed the door I waited for it to shut but I didn't hear the click so I turn around. And there standing in the middle of the corridor is my mate,Xavier.  THis is the exact thing I wanted to avoid.Damn my life. Chapter 4 Chapter  4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I stared at his forest green eyes and stood still, not knowing what to expect. He looked me up and down then zeroed in on my arm.I looked down and saw the midnight present Jaxon gave me on full display.I quickly covered it as I saw Xavier's eyes darken. I took a shaky step back. His eyes now flickered to mine. "WHAT IS THAT?!" I flinched at his tone.When I did he was sudennly infront of me with his hand raised. I tensed and flinched .That made him ball his fist and his eyes widen realisation. "WHO HIT YOU AND OUT THAT ON YOUR ARM?!" Hearing the comotion Alexander, Jaxon,Alpha Marques, and Luna Maria walked out of the ballroom.Luna Maria raised her brow. "What is going on here?" Xavier's eyes never left mine but he replied,"That's what I want to know." Jaxon assesed the situation then looked at my arm and sneered. "Sister,looks like you didn't hide my present for you very well."he tsked. I backed up and hid my arm behind my back.I looked at ALphe Marques and Luna Maria. "Nothing is going on. Xavier just wanted to have my number and I politely refused. No harm done."' Luna Maria looked sceptical but didn't question it. Alpha Marques on the other hand was staring at as if to read me. I kknew they knew I was lyong but for what reason and to hide what they didn't know. I swiched my gaze to Xavier's eyes and begged with my eyes for him not to say anything. He raised his brow but didn't say anything to my pleasure. I could tell though he wasn't done with me. That he was going to interigate me later. Alexander looked between us then narrowed his eyes at me. I could tell I was in BIG trouble when the night was over and everyone left. The rest of the night was uneventful.I did my disappearing act and pretended to be a waitress for the rest of the night. When the grandfather clock in the corner struck midnight all the guests left. THe Alpha,Luna and Xavier were on their private jet half on their way home probably. I was sweeping and busing tables when the doors burst open. I whipped around frightened. THere stood in the doorway was a beyond pissed ALexander. I litterelly trembled in fear as I looked at him. Not only was he beyond pissed but also beyond drunk which meant 3 words. Fuck My Life. If he didn't kill me, I would die of loss of blood afterwards or infection. He walked towards me like a predator teasing their prey and I backed up closer to the table behind me. His eyes were completely black. My eyes widened in fear as I franticly looked around for an exit out or someone there to help me. Sadly, there was no one. I turned back to the drunk pissed off Alpha infront of me. He was right infront of me now.I had to tilt my head back to look up at him. His hand moved so fast I didn't see it coming when sudennly his hand swipped my face.My face turned so hard i think I got whiplash. Before I could recover he wrapped his meaty hand around my neck and threw me across the room.I leaned my head forward alittle so I wouldn't die if i landed on my head.Because of this Iwas able to elude death when I crashed into the wall. The impact winded me. Before I could get any air he was there agian wrapping his hand around my neck agian. His eyes looked straight into my own. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YO SCREWED UP TONIGHT. I ASK ONE THHING FROM YOU AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. YOU ARE JUST A WORTHLESS LAZY BITCH AREN'T YOU. A WASTE OF SPACE.BECAUSE OF YOUR SCREW UP IF THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU , THAT WOULD DAMAGE THE BOND BETWEEN OUR PACKS BECAUSE OF YOUR DUMB ASS!" he growled in m face. He then punched me in my side, his claws punctured my side and I swore inside and cried out. He then ripped my clothes off and started to unbutton his jeans. My eyes widened into saucers and I squirmed harder. He backhanded me and dragged his claws down my other side. I whimpered and knew that if I didn't act now he would take the only thing I had left that was pure. I then brought my knee up and kneed him where the sun shine with all my might and watched as he doubled over wheezing. I then grabbed his silver knife and stabbed him in the knee and thigh all the way through. Wtih him being an Alpha he would heal completely in a day btu right now that would make him unable to chase after me. Well,there are a change of plans.Looks like I am leaving tonight. I sprint upstairs and baricade my roomm just as the pounding start. i thanked the heavens that I packed already and already had all I needed. I pulled on the back pack and pocketed my secret stash of cash that I stole from them. I had roughly about 2,500,000 in cash. I zipped it up and walked up to my window and opened it. I looked out and positioned myself on the window pane.I was about to doubt when the door finnally ave out and I jumped from the fright and landed akwardly on the ground I looked up at them and saw them staring down at me. I heard growling to my right and turned. There stood Jaxon and his pose. my immediate response was run so I ran like a bat out of hell which was pretty much I was(I will explain later). I heard clothes tearing ,looked back and cursed. They shifted.I then picked up speed to where everything was a blur.I kept going glad that I changed into my runing shorts and tank top when I dressed. I came to the river that seperated the pack land from others I picked up speed and took a leap of faith litterally and amazingly I landed out of their territory but Iknew there were dangers here so I kept running. When the sun started to rise I looked at my compass.It showed I was heading north toward the midnight pack. They would be home by now. And shit. I looked down at my side and noticed the blood flow hasn't stopped. I knew my only hope was to find the midnight pack. They did say I was welcomed any time.I held my side as I kept running until I felt a shift in the air letting me know I was in another pack's territory. I took a sniff and by judging the scent I was in Midnight Pack's territory. I ran faster ignoring the complaint in my side. I got to a clearing and saw Alpha Marques. His head looked around and so did Xavier's. I knew the smelt my blood I kept runnign until I was out of the ree line and then I did stop.Alpha Marques took one look then started smiling. "Persephone! What are you doing here?" My breath was coming out in short pants as I looked at them. I looked down at my side and looked at them.THey followed my gaze and Maria gasped. I looked at them. "Help." I then couldn't stand any more and collasped but I was still awake Marques was by my side in an instant yelling orders. I let out a short laugh. "I don't suppose that offer is still on the table." Xavier and Marques let out an snort and Maria laughed. "Of course darling." I smiled and closed my eyes.Sleep pulling me under. _____________________________________________________________________________ I awoke in a soft bed and looked around, wondering where I am when it all came back to me. I heard a chair scraping and looked over. I saw Marques,Maria and Xavier al looking at me. Xavier was holding my hand. I gave his hand a squeeze and he looked up. I smiled at him annd he smirked at me.I look up and see Mariass smiling as well. "Well, darling you gave us quite a scare." I let out a snort then I slowly sat up and winced.Swearing under my breath. I frowned. I moved the plush cover and looked at my sides. THey were all bandaged up. I smiled. I looked at Marques(pronouced markus) and Maria. "THank you. For helping me. I surely would of died if it wasn't for you. Is ther anyway I can repay you." "No problemo. The only way you can repay us is by telling us how and why this happened." I looked at Alpha Marques and nodded. "Well, if you want to hear the entire story you might want a drink or two. If you want to know why well lets just say that a whoole bottle of tequlia could prepare you." Chapter 5 Chapter   5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (A/n:picks up right after tequila joke she hasn't told her story yet.) Maria rolled her eyes. Marques let out a short laugh.Xavier smiled. I gestured for them to take a seat and they did. "Well, do you see this."I held out my arm. The scar the said  runt  in caps still there. Maria frowned. "Does that say runt?" "Yes, It is supossed to mean 'runt of the pack' because that was all I was to them, a pest. THis started when I was really little. I was made fun of because of my hair. My hair wa naturally this color. The only thing that kept me from loosing it was my mom. One day I asked her why was I so different. Why was my hair this way.SHe said because I was specail. Then I asked her why everyone was so mean to me. She said because everyone was jealous because they knew I was specail and a princess."I chuckle. "On my 14th birthday, a strange man named Alexander came and asked my mom on a date. She declined because she didn't want to make me uncomfortable. I felt guilty even though I knew there was some thing wrong with how he acted. It jsut smelled fishy. After dating for about a year. He proposed. My mom told him she think abour and she agian did that for me. So, I told he to go ahead if she was happy so she did. They got married and he took her into his pack.Everything wa fine at first until one night he came home drunk and tried to have his way with me. When I pushed him away he hit me. My mom then walked in and started yelling."I sniffled. "That was the first time he ever hit me or my mom. It started to escalate until on my 16th birthday my mom came home early to bake me a cake when he barged in drunk. When he saw mom home he was inraged becaused he thought it was unfair how she could take off whenever when he workd his ass off. When he raised his hand to slap my mom I pushed her out of the way and punched him. I yelled for my mom to get out and run away.She didn't listen. Because I was tooo busy trying to get her out I didn't notice him sneak up behind me until he put me into a headlock. He said I needed to learn what happens when you mess with an alpha.He put my hand on the stove and turned it onto the lowest setting and he started there until he got to the highest.He would stay on one setting for about 30 seconds.When he turned it off my hand was crispy."I held my right hand absant mindedly. "My mom started yelling and said she was going to tell the council or my father and that angered him. He then dragged us downstairs into the dungoen. He chained mum up and tapped her mouth shut. He chained mme to a c-chair. He then used her as a punching bag. He repeatedly punched and kicked her and I couldn't do anything but watch. He grabbed a silver knife and put it in the fire.When the blade was white from the heat started to drag it across her skin. He stabbed her in her legs so she couldn't walk or run away if we got out.He stabbed her deep into her thighand left it there. He turned to me and started to....touch me. I fought and managed to knee him where the sun don't shine and he doubled over.I kneed him in the face and he got really angry so he the doused my mum in gasoline and set her on fire.....and she was alive." I whinmpered as I relived the experiance. "My little brother Jaxon was 14 at the time. I was a biig rebel and to keep me in line he threatened to do to Jaxon what he did to me so I stayed and did what he said. Mum always told me to take care of Jaxon no matter what and now....he was the main reason I left. Alexander turned my own brother agianst me and I makes me ache inside. This"I said as I pionted to the runt  symbol."was given to me by my own brother, my blood. He stood there and watched while Alexander did this to me."I moved and showed them my back.Maria gasped.I pulled down my shirt and sat back down."My own brother.Last night was the first time I met you because Alexander always had me as a waitress or server. I have been the maid for the back for 2 years now. I am 18. I also lied. When Xavier followed me into the hall, it was because he saw the mark my brother gave me. That was what my brother was talking about when he said 'present'." "Later that night while I was cleaning Alexander walked in and was beyind pissed and drunk He then beat me and was about to rape me when I kneed him really hard and took the silver knife he used to kill my mum and stabbed in the knee cap and thigh all the way to the bone so he couldn't follow me up. When I got upstairs everything I needed was already packed because I was planing on leaving tomorrow. Since I knewI would be dead by the morning I pack changed and jumped out of my 3rd story window. I landed akwardly on my shin so it to the but of it. I Then my brother and his pose chased me into the woods. I had to run whiled I had a gaping wound in my sides so I just ran.I was on complete auto pilot.I then noticed I was close to the Midnight pack. I knew I had to be careful on where I went. I also knew I was completely alone with no where to go when I remembered that you said I was welcommed anytime. So you know the rest." By the end I had my head down.I could feel their eyes on my so I finally looked up.That's when Maria smothered me in a bone crushing hug.She pulled away and I smiled. "You know Maria, you remind me of my mum." She smiled but you see tears in the corner of her eyes. i frowned. "Don't cry for me. I ran out of tears to shed a long time ago when I realized they weren't worth my tears. I never cried after my mum's death and that angered them more. They wanted to see me when I was weak but I never showed them that. I never cried. In fact that was the closest I have ever showed any emotion what so ever in the past 2 years." Maria smiled at me. "I don't know what it is about you but you are absolutely strong and wise." Alpha Marques nodded agreeing. "I agree.You know what how would you like to join our pack." I shook my head.,"I can't do that. If I do that.If they were to find out that I was here I could have grounds for and all out war. I am not about to have that happen over something as little as the past." "So what. We should start a war because of what they did to you." "No.ButI will join our pack if you promise not start a war." "Fine but we will not just sit hee and not let them be punished for what they have done" "how about we talk about this later."Maria interrupted. I nodded,"Okay." Chapter 6 Chapter 6 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was kind of awkward after I told them my story. Then when they offered me to  in their pack I just couldn't put them in danger but i couldn't keep living my life in fear. Marques was glaring at Xavier looking like they were having a conversation inside eachothers head. Xavier sundennly turned wide eyed and stood  up. "No. SHE CAN NOT STAY HERE! I WON'T ALLOW IT." "i DON'T REMEMBER DYING AND MAKING YOU ALPHE DO  I?" Maria then stepped in. "Now now settle down and take the teresterone in the air down a notch shall we?" "NO! HE IS THE ONE LETTING A WORTHLESS MUTT INTO THE PACK. I KNEW SHE WAS TROUBLE FROM THE START. SHE SHOULD JUST GO BACK TO HER PACK WHERE SHE BELONGS." There was a moment of silence after that until it erupted into all of them arguing. Maria and Marques for me staying here. As you guessed, my own mate was agianst me being here.  I gues that proves why I was treated like I was. But... no one and I mean  no one  should be treated that way so. i believe that I won't be treated that way here and I have to give it a shot don't I? While they were arguing about it i spoke up. "I'll do it." They turned to me. "I'll join your pack." Maria and Marques smiled at me.  Xavier out right glared. I flinched under his gaze but didn't turn away. I returned a glare of my own and even sneered at him. " And there is  nothing  you can do about it." We had a little stand off right then and there. Him glaring at me. Me returning my own death glare until we were interupted. "You know you two would make an interesting couple. Be even more interesting if you were mates." He huffed,"I wouldn't want to be mates witha mutt any way." I just glared at him. How dare  he just treat me like this. "Look here pretty boy you are going to to respect that or I could make your life a living hell. Do I make myself fucking crystal clear! Because I refuse to just stand by while you stand by AND INSULT ME SO HARSHLY WHEN YOU BARELY KNOW ME. IT HAPPENED BEFORE  NEVER AGIAN. " I growled out at him.  I then bowed in respect to his parents ,gave him more glare flipping him off and walked out. ____________________________________________________________________________ Sorry for it being short. Wow, he is such a dick. Even I dont know why I made him like that. Any way I wanted to ask those of you who want to be in the story I am holding a contest. If you these 3 questions right you gett to be in the story and be whoever you want to be and you can be evil or good. Here are the questions----->   1. How did Persephone's mom ulimatley die? 2. What happened to her dad?(think outside tha box for this one) 3.Who chased Persephone when she ran away? Get these questions right your in the story but I only have room for two poeple to win so if you want in I'd get down to business. Have a great day or night wat the fuck ever Chapter 7 Chapter 7 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Settling down into the pack was easy.I was carrying my stuff that I bought from the mall to the room they told me to when I opened the door I froze. The room was FUCKIN HUGE. Jesus Christ,compared to my old attic room you could fit it in here about a thousand times.I dropped the stuff on the floor and my jaw dropped with it. THe balcony was open and I could get an awesome view of the forest.The light shining in bathed me with its warmth and i smiled. I looked around and the squeal when I saw the bed. It was a queen size bed. A queen sized bed. It was a FUCKIN QUEEN SIZE BED. I jumped on it and landed  softly. I rose then started jumping on the bed. Up and down and around and around I went until I heard a deep chuckle from the bed room door. I let out a squeal before I jumped off the bed and did a somersault in mid air before landing with my arms in the air and on the balls of my feet. I was stretching upward and stretched down but winced when it tugged at the stiches. I looked up and saw Xavier with 4 of the smokin hottest boys I have ever laid eyes on. Besides Xavier that is. I nervously scratched behind my head. "So Hi?" THe boys burst out in laughter. I frowned and grabbed the watergun behind there backs and squearted them. They gasped in surprise before looking at me in shock. I fiegned innocence by shrugging and pointed at the stuffed bear in the box. "Hey dont look at me he did it." They then looked pointedly at the water gun in my hands.I looked at down at my hand and held it up. "I don't know how that got there." THey gave me that  'are you seriously trying that'. I shrugged as an answer then shouted with all my might. "I might not know you but, WATER GUN FIGHT!"  I then sprayed them and by now they were soaked. I then made a run for it.I dived under the bed slipped in and made a mad dash for the balcony.When I got there I slammed the door when a buccket of water smashed on it. I stuck my tougue out at them through the door. Xavier playfully glared at me. "Kiss my alpha ass." I then jumped over the balcony hopping for the best. _____________________________________________________________________________ 2 hours and 489 gallons of water later(Not joking) me, hotty #1 ,hotty #2 and Xavier layed out of breath on the ground completely soaked.  I turned my head and sat up. "You know I dont know your names and I really want to stop thinking of you two as Hotty #1 and Htty #2 . " Xavier snorted while the two other boys barked in laughter. Hotty #1 raised his hand,"I'm Sol and this is Zane."pointing to hotty #2. I laughed and stood up.I offered both of my hands.,"I'm Persephone.Just joined the pack. Nice to finally put a name to those hot faces of yours."I smirked when I saw their cheeks burned bright red. They grabbed my offered hands and I pulled them up effortlessly.I looked over at Xavier,"Come on.Lets get out of this rain before we catch nemonia." When we got inside and got dressed we met up in the livingroom.Sol cleared his throat. "So how you holding up? Xavier told us about your story." I smiled up at him sadly. I shrugged."There is no that much to hold up really.My old pack, The Bloodstream Pack, treated me like shit so its hard gettin used to all the love I feel in the air. Besides if I just never have to see their faces agian, I'll be just fine.Trust me. Thanks for caring though. It's been aloong while since anyone has shown a care in the world about whether I live or die." Sol looked down guiltyly."Don't look so sad man. I have had enough sadness for a lifetime, So I sujest we all just live life to the fuckin fullest. How about I just start new,huh. Infact lets start with my name. Any nicknames?" Sol shrugged while Zane looked like he was really thinking hard. Xavier didn't look like he gave any fucks but what he said next had me raise my brow."How 'bout Sephy." Chapter 8 Chapter 8 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It has been two weeks since I left and I felt awesome. What had me confused was Xavier. He was my mate and it seemed he didn't acknowlodge me. That's a problem so I decided enough was enough. Time to stop beating around the bush. I walked out of my room and ran to the game room where i knew all the boys were at. Whatt I saw had me sick to my stomach. The boys were playing the playstation but Xavier was making out with some girl. Fury burned through me but I calmed down before I knocked on the wall,signalling I was in the room. Xavier's head whipped toward me and our eyes met. I shook my head and walked inside. I saw there was no room so I walked over to Sol and Zane and sat on Zane's lap while putting my feet up on Sol's. I grabbed Zane's controller and started to play for because he sucked. I then eaasily defaeted Solin Call Of Duty Online coming in 1st. I dropped the controller in my lap and leaned back with my hand behind my head, smiling trihumphly( Sorry cant spell)   Sol and Zane's jaws were on the floor at how casually I beat him.Zane was kind of angry. "How did you beat him?! It is impossibly hard to beat Sol. He is the number one champ in Call Of Duty. Well,  was the number one champ" He smirked at Sol. Sol narowed his eyes at us,clearly not amused at the fact he just lost  to a girl. "HOw did you do that? How did you beat me?" I shrugged."I just shot you and you died. I did that a couple of times and than I won",I said it like I was talking to a special needs kid.( no offense to specail needs kids out there reading this. I was just a reference. ) He glared.I shrugged agian."And to top it off that was the first time I ever played Call of Duty or a gaming console for that matter. So you just lost to someone who is completely unexperienced. Which tells me yu just suck and everyone who losses to you either feels sorry for you or just suck even worse than you."' Zan laughed."Ohh BURN!" Sol glared at him."You do realize you just got burned too rright." Zane's face falles he sat there puouting with his lip stuck out. I awed. "You are so cute and adorable.I could just eat you up." I said pinching his cheek. He smirked."Is that an invitation?" Before I could reply a nasily, bitchy voice interrupted us. "Ugh you are such a despirate slut. What do you three do at night. Have threesomes?" She laughed and a shiver traveled down m spine.I spun in Zane's lap to face her. "You know you are one to talk.I'm sure you are the only one in here who spends more time on her back then anyting so could you just back the hell off. I have no beef with you and would rather not get into a fight with you. I wouldn't want you to mess up your nails in a cat fight." I smiled cheekily while standing and stretching while yawning. "This bitchyness of yours is wearing me out and I haven't met ou for a minute. All well too tired you're putting me to sleep while sounding like Fran Dresher. WEll, goodnight Sol. Zane.I'm going  to hit the haysack." I walked past the infuriated bitch and walked towwards my room. I was about to turn the corner when i was grabbed by my elbow and dragged into a room. I looked up surprised at Xavier and was about to ask him why I was here when he grabbed me and kissed my senseless.HE nibbled at m bottom lip. Sucking on it asking no  more like demanding for entrance. I playfully denied him and he growled. He slammed my back thedoor andpicked me up. My leggs immediately wrapped around his waist. He surprised me by sqeezing my ass and slapping it. I gasped which gave him full entrance to my mouth.And he ravished it.He turned his head deepening the kiss then suddenly stopped and dropped me.I slid down him and looked up still in a daze.He then said three words that changed my life. "I reject you." That snapped me out of my daze and I looked up at him in confusion and pain.I sniffled. "What,why?!" "Your weak and useless. I never wanted you here in the first place. I need a mate that can run a pack. You can't do that. Youre too weak. My luna has to be beautiful and nice and strong and sexy like Brittany." "Who?" "THe other girl in the game room with us." I glared angrily"You mean Queen Bitch.Queen Bitch can't be nice. It is agianst her nature and I have know her for all of 2 minutes and I knw that much.You are a niave asshole and I fucking don't give a shit what you think but," I Punched him in the eye really hard and kicked him in the nutts.He fell to his knees and I kneed him in the eye I punched definitely lleaving him with a black-eye. "How that for weak huh.And If you expect me to just sit and pretend I am no t your mate you nhave another thing coming. I will tell your parents wbout this."I turned towards the door, hand on the knob. "By the way, I accept your rejection." I left him there and I slammed the door shut. I ran down the hall and bumped into a girl ,Maria and MArques. I took one look at them and  broke down into tears. The one thing I haven't done in years.Maria and The unknown girl immedaitely came to my aid and grabbed me.Maria rubbed my back as I cried into her shoulder. Alpha Marques looked mad as he saw I was crying. "What happened?Who made you cry?" I sniffled."My mate re-rejected me." Maria stiffened."Who is your mate?" I hesitated before I muttered the name. "Xavier." Chapter 9 Chapter 9 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To say that Maria and Marques were furious were mad was a damn understament. Marques was so mad when he heard the news he was in shock. And then the bastard himself walked in and the that's when the shit hit the fan. I happen so fast I dont know how but Maria and unknown girl was on him lik whoite on rice. And to be honest they were kicking his ass.first the Maria did was kick him in his family jewels(balls) and uppercut him. Then unknown girl landed a series of kicks in his abdomen. When the element of surprise was gone, Xavier was ready to fight back. When uknown girl tried to hit him agian, Xavier grabbed her wrist punched her so hard in the stomach she past out. The Sol and Zane ran in and both yelled ,"AEAREL!" RUNNING TO HER AID. thEY LOOKED AT xAVIER AND THEIR EYES DARKENED IN RAGE.They ran toward him,"YOU ARE DEAD YOU ASSHOLE." Just as they got to him Maria stepped in and man was she pissed. I felt something cold fall on my sholders. I wipped it with my finger and gasped."Snow." snow was falling inside the hose and creating a funnel around maria but u could still see her mad as hell face.She reached over and grabbed him by his collar. "WHY?! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO RUIN EVERYTHING IN THIS PACK.ALL THE GIRLS IN THIS PACK WERE SWEET UNTIL YOU GOT YOUR SLIMY HANDS ON THEM AND TURNED THEM INTO SEX OBSESSED WHORES AND YOU WOULD BE THE FIRST HEART BREAKER AND LOVER.I AM ASHAMED TO CALL YOU MY SON.WHY CANT YOU JUST GROW SOME BALLS AND GROW UP. YOU CANT BEALPHA WITH THAT ATTITUDE! WHY DID U REJECT HER HUH?YOU WERE LOVING THE SINGLE LIFE AND WANTED TO GIVE UP THE ONE PERSON MADE FOR YOU FOR A BUNCH OF PACK WHORES. IS THAT RIGHT. THAT WAS NOT THE BOY I RAISED. AND JUST SO YOU DON'T BED ANY MORE OF YOUR WHORES......" She pointed to his dick and suddunnly it stiffened and he gasped.I looked between them confused before it clicked.She froze his dick. Holy mother of God please make sure I am never on the bad side of this woman. She stepped back and then it seemed Marques came back to life. He walked forward his eyes black. "You are sadly my son and no matter what i will love you but.. I will not turn a blind eye to my pack crumbleling.An Alpha can't run a pack without a Luna and I will not let you. Since it is obvious you don't deserve her you dont deserve th Alpha title if all you are going to sleep around after you have found your mate. Therefore, you are no longer going to be Alpha until you clean up your ways.No one has to show you respect or bow down to you any longer and my word IS FINAL!" Everyone in the room flinched at his Alpha tone exept me.Xavier turned to me, eyes burning with anger. "You worthless WEAK,PIECE OF SHIT!LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. I CAN'T BE ALPHA BECAUSE OF YOU.I AM GLAD I REJECTED YOU  BECAUS ENO ONE WILL WANT YOU. AND I AGREE YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED THE DAY YOUR MOTHER DID!" Everyone froze and turned to me waiting for what I would say but I didn't reply.They then decided to go off on him.I sat there trying to find the words to say without direspecting my mat- No i dont have to worry about that b/c he isn't my mate anymore. Now I can speak my mind. I stood up and took a step forward. "Enough."I said , though it was quiet next to the yelling and shrieking at Xavier they shut up immediately like i pushed a stop botton on a remote. I turned toward Xavier. "You are right. It is y fault you are now not next in line for Alpha but... it is also yours."Shutting up everyone's protest about him owning up to his responciblities. "THe one thing you got wrong though is that I am weak."I walked in toward him and grabbed his neck, lifting him in the air."Have you ever experienced true pain. I wonder if you know what pain is at all. The thing is that I have experienceed it and I dont wish it on anyone.YOu may be stronger in muscle-wise but I would be the one to survive. You would flop like a pancake.And dont forget.."I said sending him across the room into the wall,"I am the one whohas tricks up my sleeve that are unknown to a pampered boytoy like you." I slapped him."That is for disrespecting this pack."I punched him in the nose grinning from ear to ear when I heard a crack,"That is for disrespecting your parents."I punched him in the gut."That is for hurting Aearel and all the other girls who fell under you charms."I punched him the eye,"THat was for being my mate, and a spoiled brat and this.."I kneed him in the balls,"Is just because I can."I smiled when I watched him slide down the wall into a heap on the floor.I turned toward Maria and Marques."Goodnight."I looked at Aearel,"Feel better." And I went upstairs to bed with a mask on. No emotion there. I just didn't feel the pain anymore. All I felt was the guilt of breaking up his family. I honestlydidn't care if he was a manwhore because mum always said to look at the brighter side of people.So I walked past everyone with my head held high and my back straight like a real Luna would. Huh, it's his loss anyway.I dont care.But deep inside I knew that the one thing I feard was this being rejected buy the one supposed to love me...Agian.   Chapter 10 I woke up to a bucket full of water.I heard a bunch of deep laughing. I jumped out of the bed and shrieked,"WHO IN THE HELL HAS A DEATH WISH!" THe laughing stopped immediately and I looked at them. It was Sol,Zane and their two brothers who seemed to not know the definition of 'fun'. I put my hands on my hips."Now unless ou want to die you will apologize RIGHT NOW.Or I could go to Maria and have her freeze your dicks just like Xavier."A look of horror overcame their faces and made me giggle slightly."Now that we understand eachother, their a reason you woke me up so early by a FUCKING BUCKET OF GODDAMN COLD WATER." "Well we have and idea.How about we get revenge on Xavier. We heard what he did to you and we don't like it one bit. So, how about we brew up alittle revenge." I loked at the as if they grew two heads,"No."I didn't want to stoop to his level. I refused to start a childish game that would just end with my heart breaken agian.Besides he has to have a heart and knows to stay away fom the other girls for now until we can sever the mate bond right?" I change my shirt and walk out the door to the gamr room,passing Xavier's room. Inside I hear grunts and moans that they can't be mistaken as anything alse.THat asshole and to think I was thining of him higher that he really is. I turned with my eyes wide,clutching my hand over my heart. I look at the boys. "You know what.Why the fuck not." _______________________________________________________________________ Sorrry for it being so long.Well, finally is here is where the name of the book kicks in. Now if you have a name for the other 2 brothers feel free to offer up names. They have to lok like they can pass for being related to Taylor Lautner and the other guy okay. THanx for reading Chapter 11 Chapter 11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I woke up and decided something. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to have the power to defend myself.I dressed myself in black sweats and a neon green tank that said, "badass chick" and walked out of my room , shutting the door quietly. I ran across the hall to the balcony that over looked the living room. I took a breth and jumped over the railing landing softly on the hard wood floor. I heard a gasp and turned around.And there stood a half nuded Zane with his jean open and a pretty girl about togive him a blowjob. I shrieked and held my eyes and turned around fast. "MY EYES! IM BLINDED. MY VIRGIN EYES. I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE." I heard the girl giggle and Sol growl.  "I am not that bad looking am I?" We decided to mess with hims so I said,"No comment..." The girl said,"What so ever." He groaned and I heard a him zip his zipper.I heard rustling of clothes. "You can turn around now. i won't burn your eyes anymore." I turned around and shreiked agian, but this time in outrage. "What the hell man. Why in the fuck don't you have a fucking shirt. Who the hell are you. Jacob from Twilight Saga!?" His eyes narrowed."I am nothing like that weak spinned love sick puppy in love with a girl who isn't even pretty in the slightest.If he really loved her, I mean would't oyou go after the person you loved if you really loved them.Don't you think." I exchanged glances with the girl and we burst out laughing rolling on the the floor, litterally. We heard others laughing and I saw Marques, Maria and another guy who was really dangerous and tough looking.When I stopped laughing I looked at him,"So im guessing your Team Jacob huh." He turned beet red and we collasped in laughter once agian. Once we settled down I turned to the girl and held out my hand. "Im Persephone but call me Sephy." "Im Andre but call me Dre. Yea I know its a boy name but What the fuck ever its my name and its unique." I smiled,"I agree.I can already tell we are going to be the best of budds." SHe grinned with me,"I agree." We heard chuckling and I turned to see the tough guy and Maria and Marques standing there.I quickly got up and ran a hand through my hair sheepishly. "Goodmorning?" Marques smirked."Goodmorning to you too. THere is someone I'd like you to meet. THis is Jayson, our pack tranier and current Beta. ALso Andre's father." I turned a tilted my head down in respect before holding out my hand. "Im Persephone but call me Sephy. In return I'll call you Jay. How does that sound for you." I grinned cheekily showing my dimples.He looked stunned at my forwardness and hesitantly took my hand  and shook it firmly. I shook it just at firmly. He sneered and I knew what was coming so just as he fliped he I twirled in the air , sideways and landed lightly on my feet with one hand on the floor. I looked up at him.I knew my eyes were probably bright. Jay smirked and  held out his hand I smiled back and grabbed his hand.I pulled him down while using his momentom to send me up.I then took his arm and pinned it behind his back with my knee and thee back of his neck. Not that much pressure to hurt him but enough to kepp him down and get my point across. He tried to get and almost succeeded in getting my off of him but I forced him down agian and gripped his arm firmer, possibly bruising. I heard clapping and I looked up at Maria and Marques to see them clapping. I jumped back off him and jumped over the couch to have something in between us.When he got up I kept my gaurd up, narrowing my eyes. Marques smirked,"So what do you think." Jay nodded."SHe is a complete natural. I'll take her under my wing for you. With alittle training she will be the most feared protector in the continental U.S." I looked between the two of them, confused."Okay. What the hell is going on here?What do you mean natural. I mean I only got even with you. Besides, it was just pure instincts." I crossed my arms. "What we mean is I am going to be your trainer as of now for fighting." I raised my eyebrow and looked at Marques and Maria. Maria just shrugged showing she didn't know anything. Marques crossed his arms."I though that after seeing you pin my son so swiftly that you had some talent at being a protector." I rolled my eyes."Me a protector.You have got to be kidding right. I mean. I'm weak. I caught him off gaurd. I was just severly pissed. Haven't you heard the saying,'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'?I was just upset and mad he was attacking a disrespectinghis pack and blaming me for it all okay.I apologize. I reached my boiling point. I just couldn't deal with his petty adolescent bullshit when I have my own shit to take care of." Marques tsked,"You underestimate yourself. How did you know he was going to attack you huh. How did you keep balance when he attacked you. How did you jump off that 4 story balcony. How did you keep him down when he was using all of hhis powers to get up. Tell me this." I was flabbergasted,"I-I don't know werewolf insticnts I guess." "No pretector and warrior insticnts." I sighed."Okay, I'll train.Dn't have your hopes up though. Keep in mind I'm still weak." They rolled their eyes. "Alrighty then Zara the Warrior Princess." I rolled my eyes at the name. "And since you have accepted my training lets start now. Dropp and give me 50 pushups." I immediatly dropped and easily doing the pushups. I wasn't even sweating until around 35.When I finished I sat up looked at him. "Okay Zara the Warrior Princess, how about we go outside and start training in alittle combat with my boys." I mentally groaned ad got up. If it takes this much to be a warrior pricess I trade in my tiara and armor.   Chapter 12 Chapter 12 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I woke up at the god forsaken hor Jay had me wake up. I put on a sports bra that said"Fuck You"and running spandex. I put my hair in a pony tail and jogged down stairs. I walked into the kitchen on the 2nd floor and opened a window. I looked out and saw the training field and Jay right under it.I grabbed and apple and Jumped out the window. I landed right next to Jayson. The boys gave me funny looks and I shrugged. "What?" I took a huge bite out of my apple and looked up a Jay.He just shook his head at me. "Okay boys. This is Sephy. Im pretty sure you have heard of her. She is going to be training with us from now on as a pretector. You will treat her as if she is a friend and will not go easy on her. Are we clear." They replied,"Yes sir." I saw that Sol and Zane's unkown brothers were here. I guess its a good time to start remebering names. I took the finishing bite out of my apple and threw it behind me. I heard a thud signalling it landed in the trashcan about a meter behind us.Jayson grinned at me and I just shrugged agian. I evaluted the other 4 of the boys. One guy looked about 20 and he was black (not racist Im black in real life also.)  He looked about 5'9.He had on peircing in his left ear.He had a bald fade black hair.He looked like he would look absolutly delicious in a suit. The guy beside him was the complete oppisite.He had a nice tan, eight pack.Brown hair and chocolate eyes.The last two were twins.One was blond and one was brunette but the face and was the same. The eyes though were different.The blond had emerald with flects of brown. THe brunette had hazel eyeswith flecks of gold. (A/N:both played by Kellen Lutz.Just him as a blond and brunette.)  THey were nicely built also.Last but not least The brothers of Zane and Sol even though they both look nothing alike to Zane and Sol. They were tan but different tan than Zane and Sol. One was sandy-blond and had forest green eyes. The other boy had black hair and blue eyes. Just looking in his eyes I had a feeling he could see beyond the normal eye.They all were wearing basketball shorts and only blue eyes and black guy had wife beaders on. THe rest of them were shirtless. Blueyes stepped forward."Hi. I know you seen me before but I dont think we met. I'm Damian. The nucklehead behind me is Lucas."He pointed to blondy. Black guy stepped forward."Hey I'm Austin. The tall and intimadating guy behind me is Sasha. THe twins over there are Jesse and James." They waved. I smiled at them."Well I'm Persephone but just call me Sephy." "Okay now that introductions are over shall we start training or are we going to sit here and just gossip like a bumch of spineless wimps." Everyone straightened their backs immediately. Even me and we replied ,"Yes sir." Jayson nodded and said,"Okay lets start with weight lifting. Sephy pick a weight.I walked over to the weight and I could feel their heated gaze. I scanned over all of them and I went for the 75 pounds. I picked it up effortless.I weighted it in my hand and shook my head. I went for the 100 pounds. Ipicked it up and it was alittle heavier but I dont want to tire out too fast so I put it down and put on the 75. I turned around and held out the 75  pound. "THis one." All the guys were looking at me in awe. Jay was looking at me in a kind of  proud way. I rolled my eyes and moved out the way to stand to the side. After all the guys got thier weights, jay seemed to find something. I looked at alll the guys weights and smrked. They all uped their weight so they could have heavier weights. I shook my head. "You know if you get too heavy weights you're going to tire out faster. Thats why I got the 75. It pushes my limits but wont have me tire out fast. The 100 pounds I could bench but I would end up tiring out faster. I'll get it next week. You have ease your body into it.You cant just suddenly change it.You cant do that right ,Coach Jay." Jay smirked little at the name."Right. And just to prove her point I want you to get the same weight you got from the rack so you now would have twice the weights." I nodded and walked over to the rack. I grabbed the other 75 and weighted them in my hands. I shrugged and wallked over. AFter the booys got twice the weight they all started whining. "Now just for whining you now have to do 100 pushups with the weights in your hands. After one you lift one weight in your hand.Go." I dropped to the floor and started while the boys were taking all day too.I counted in my mind.1,2 ,3 ,4...38, 39,40,41 ,42...667,68,69,70...96,97,98,99,100. I stopped and held that position.for 10 seconds before breaking it and sitting up. I sat crisscross applesauce and looked at the boys. THey were all lookijg at me ine awe. I rolled my eyes and looked around. I saw other gguys from other training groups looking t me strangly. Xavier,Sol and Zane were one of them. I waved at Sol and Zane. Zane being goofy smiled at me while Sol nodded his head. I copied him and then we all started laughing silently. I heard a knife whistling in the silence and just before it could stab my arm I grabbed it. I looked over at who did it and there stood Britney with all of her bitchiness.I looked over Jayson. I nodded over at her as a silent permission. He grinned and nodded. I looked over at Andre.I nodded at her and she was next to me in a flash there to back me up. We we walked over together and I held out the knife. "Looking for something." Britnay looked at me sneering but when she noticed I wasn't bleeding she scowled. "Yes that's my knife. I accidentally threww it back and it almost hit your arm.THank you for returning it." I raised my eyebrows. Everyone stopped training and was now watching us. I smirked knowing the perfect way to humiliate her. "Oh really well how about I show you how to hit the target." i flipped the knife in my hand so the the blade was in my hand and I threw it.I watched at it hit smack dab in the middle. I turned to her and smirked even wider. "If you need any more tips, I would  more  then happy to help."  The sunlight hit my legs and my arms. My tattoos started to show. I walked away knowing I won this one.I knew she was going to thow it so I spun around and moved Andre out the way and stopped it some how with my hand open. I then knew I was minipulating the air.I rolled my wrist flipping it around and pushed out at the air and watch it cut her cheek and make it right in the middle of the target. i smiled in satisfaction when she started bleeding. "Don't mess with me. I would hate it if I had to fight you for real. I dont want to hurt you. Infact I dont really like violence but even though the throw was aimed for me because you threw it out of anger it swirved and would of killed Dre. Whther you were aiming for me or not don't mess with my friend or you have to deal with me."I felt my baby blue eyes darken as I said the threat. I helped Andre up and walked over to Jayson. "Can I have a short break for a second. If I stay out here, I will end up killing her before we fiinish training." He nodded and I ran past everyone really fast into the woods. I kept running until I got to a clearing. I sat down and stated thinking.What wa that. WHat are these. I looked down at my tattoos. I felt the sun bathe me in warth. I stood up and held out my arms. and closed my eyes. A twig snapping took me out of my peace. I turned toward the side and there stood about 5 rougues and there growled at me. Just as I was about to run, the leadder pounced.   Chapter 13 Chapter 13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I raised my arm to block and he tore into it. I pitched my head back and howled in agony. I knew they heard. I kicked him the head and I knew what I had to do. THe tattoos on my started to glow. I ran forward just as my pack broke through into the clearing. Xavier saw me and what I was about to do. ' No!Stand down!' I didn't. I ran forward and drop kicked him in the chest. When I did, a lightning came down and hit him where I kicked him. I sent him 200 yards into the woods. I turned to the other wovles and cracked my knuckles. They ran toward me and I closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I felt myself my eyes. change. I slapped the first wolf away and the trees roots came up and dragged him down. I then roundhouse kicked the guy he behind but he grabbed both of my legs. I smirked and made a gun with my hand. I pointed it in his face."Pow." Fire exploded from my finger severly burning his face. He cried out in pain and dropped my legs. I jumped up and brought my leg down on his head. THe ground below him burst open and swallowed him whole. I landed lightly at my feet and turned my face slightly towards the rouges left alive. I hand my hands held loosely at my sideswith a fire burning. "Now that I have all of your attention. Do yourselves a favor and get the hell of my territory before I send on a express ticket straight to hell so you can burn alongside your friends."I growled. They ran out of the clearing with thier tail between their legs. I sighed and closed my hand,extinguishing my purple fire. I turned toward my pack and walked like nothing never happened. I knew I had this cocky yet calm glint in my eye. When I got rto the crowd,everyone made way for me like I was royalty. I kew I had a nonchalant look on my face ,like I didn't give two shits but really inside my mind was running a thousand miles and hour. I too was wondering what happened. I guess this was supposed to be when my wolf kicks in because I knew for sure that wasn't me. I wasn't deadly in anyway shape or form. Sure, I had a lethal body but that is besides the point. The point is that I , would never in my life, be able to have powers or be strong. Until now. I thought with a cocky smirk. WHen I passed Xavier with Brittney or was it Melissa. Whatever He was with his whore and her squad, she grabbed my arm and squeezed it. "You ignored an order directly from the soon to be Alpha. You should be punished."  I rolled my head towards her and looked between her and her hand on my forearm. I raised my brow.I raised my hand. "You have exactly 5 seconds to remove your AIDS infested hand of my arm." She laughed like I couldn't do anything. "1...."SHe didn't move  it. "2...."She sti shoulderll didn't move it. I sighed. You know I really didn't want to hurt you but you leave me no choice. "5." Before anyone could react I twisted from her grip and grabbed her hand.  I jumped and grabbed her head. I then using her hair instead of her head, flipped her over my shoulder behind me and started dragging her by her hair. Everyone continued to make a path for me to the pack house. As I passed Marques and Maria, I nodded my head in respect and they looked at Brittney, yeah that her name,and just shook their heads but let me continue to drag her. SHe was flaing behind, whining about how much it hurts. I stopped when we reached the training mat and threw her in ti like a ragdoll. SHe groaned. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. A crowd started to form around us. Blocking us from the outside world like and arena.With Xavier and his parents front and center.I looked at the for permission to proceed. They nodded and I looked at Brittney. "So Brittney do you want t fight, huh. Because everytime, I turn around you are picking a fight and being a typical bitch. I mean seriously. It is decause girls like you that blonde girls got a bad name. YOu are like the stereo typical bitch. You cake on makeup, have a fake tan, have fake boobs, no ass, and  you are blonde. I mean can't you be aleast alittle more original. But that wont matter anymore anyway because do you want to know another thing about these stereo typical kinds of girls. THey can't defend themselves. THey are just all talk. And honey you are no different. I you are going to be a bitch atleast be bitch that can fight goddammit and stop wasting my time. Stop egging me on like you are going to fight when i you back out in the end." I watched in pitty as she looked up at me  in shock at my words. I rolled my eyes. "If you are wondering how I know these things, it is because I have dealt with your kind before.Not only that but isn't it obvious.I'm a bitch too. Every female here is a bitch. Because atleast every woman has the bitchy side to her. Most can control it. SOme such as yourself, let it go to your head. Now how about you do everyone a favor and grow up. I mean what is so fasintanting in watching peoeple suffer. I mean , I am enjoying this right now because I know you deserve it but what is so addicting about it. I will tell you this. One day, you are goign to be a bitch to the wrong person and you are going to wind up dead." I said looking her dead in the eye. She flinched from my gaze. "Get up. And fight me."Her eyes widened in fear. She shook her head and got up to run.  She feeblely held up her hands as if to box. I sighed and turned around."Come back to me when you actually know how to fight and know what you are getting into." But right when I was about to leave the mat, a knife went into my back. I hissed in pain and turned around to see the bitch standing there with a buch of silver knives. I sighed. I felt the wound close up.I looked at my shirt and growled in frutraion."THis was my favorite workout shirt. You owe me a new fucking shirt. And not only that, you attacked when my back was turned."I tsked."Naughty naughty girl. Looks like you do want to fight for real." Her eye were wide with fear."You shouldn't ever do tha tyouknow. It is a cheap hit. AN my mentor once said that if you ever attack from behind make sure that your attack is fatal."I took out the knife and threw it and threw at her. It went right into her knee cap and she cried out in pain. SHe collasped holding her knee. I hmped. "Or atleast make sure your attack will render your oppent helpless. My mentor atleast taught me that." _____________________________________________________________________________ After the bombard of questions. Sephy is in the louge with Maria, Marques,Jax,and Xavier "WHo was your mentor?Do you think it might be possible for her/him to come and help. We could use it."Maria asked. I shook my head."That would be impossible." Jaxon furrowed his brow."WHy?" "Because she's dead." "Who was your mentor." I looked at Xavier. He hasn't said a word to me since the other night. I sighed.I have been doing that alot haven't I. "Honey Leigh.My mother." Chapter 14 CHapter 14 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THere was an akward silence after that. I just looked down. Away from the simpithetic looks of my pack. I hated when people did that. GIve me looks like they understood what I was going through and looked at me like I was weak because i obviously wasn't.Especially Xavier. He was looking at me like he actually cared. "Don't look at me like that." I whispered. "Like what?"Xavier asked. I looked up and glared him right in the eye. "Like you care." I said that with a louder voice this time. With a voice only an Alpha possesses.I wasn't yelling. I just got the base in my voice that made it look like I was strong. I stood and crossed my arms. "Because I definietly know with all my heart that you don't." It was deadly silent. Noone moved. Only stared at Xavier and me as the situatoin began to unfold between us all. Xavier stood up also . He was taller than me so he could look down on me but that didn't sstop me from straightening up my spine to show I wouldn't cower. He glared back."Who said that I didn't care." I raised a brow."Actions speak louder than words sweety and your actions absolutely screams that you were put on this earth to not give a shit about me and make my life a living hell." We were little closer. THe tension in the room couldn't be cut with the sharpest katana in the world. Xavier locked his jaw. "You don't know that. You don't know anything." "Try me Xav. I know everything that you  think  that I don't know and so much more.If I haven't demonstrated that to you earlier and yesterday, clearly you need another lesson." I could feel it. The power that roused deep inside me. THe brought me the power to kill those rougues. I was suddenly filled with emense power that frightend yet excited me as well. It was foriegn this feeling but I knew it was the real me, the real me that belonged there.  "I really wish you two wouldn't flirt like this." And like that, all that anger and tension, all the fire that made us argue was doused with embaressment and laughter. I rasied my brow at Jax, who had the nerve to say such a thing. I burst into laughter while Xavier blushed. "He only wishes because he knows that is as close as he will even get. He thinks that he is all big and bad and what he saw in the clearing was all that I had to show." I looked over at Xavier with a cocky smile. "Trust me there is  much  more to come. You think thats all because honey you haven't seen  anything  yet.     Chapter 15 Chapter15 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Today we have to goo to school. I am 18 but I am really smart for not going to school. I used to take classes online. I past eleventh grade so im going to twelth with everyone. I got dressed in myy new clothes from hot topic. to go with the revenge plot i am wearing a short sskin tight red mini dress.Over that i am wearing a broken heart that says this means war on top. For shoes i am wearing combat bootswith spikes all around. (A/N:outfit to the side.)  My hair was wavy and my makeup was pink sparkley lipgloss with smokey eyeshadow. Alittle foundation to show my high cheek bones and I was done. When I walked downstairs into the living room, everyone litterally stopped and stared. All of the guys were drooling.I smirked and walked up to my friends. Lucas let out a long wolf whistle. "Well arent you looking gorgoues this morning." I rolled my eyes but played along."Why thank you kind sir." In a fake english accent. Andre smiled."I know one thing though, your mate has a boner right now just by looking at you.. I cast a look behind  me and sure enough there stood Xavier with a boner looking very sexually frustrated. I leout a laugh. Zane and Aearel looked confused until they followed my line of sight. SOon all of us were rolling on thee floor laughing at Xavier. Maria walked in and smiled at the sight of my laughing. "Ah it has been awhile since I have seen you geneinely laugh and smile like that." I shrugged and managed to stop laughing but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. "So Luna do you need something." "Actually yes. Marques and I have a surprise for you outside." She walked out and I followed. WHen I walked out the front door. I stopped. A tear rolled down my face and I gasped.  "THis this is... a 2013 Kawasaki Ninja 300." Marques suddenly appeared smilng behind Maria. "I see you are familiar with bikes." I blushed."Well, I just happened to like motorbikes and cars. I dabble abit in fixing them since at my old pack they forcced me to do not only house hold chores but outside stuff like mowing and weeding and fixing their cars. Dimitri taught me the basics and I learned by myself from there." Marques raised his eyebrow."WHo is this Dimitri." I shifted my feet. Obviously uncomfortable with the conversation. "Well he was my younger brother's best friend. He never teased me but wasn't helpful either. He well, he told my brother when to stop beating me when it got really serious. He was nicest person there. His father was the beta. WHen I ran away that night, he protected me. I know he did because I was seriously wounded. There was no way I got out of there alive by myself.  I remember now that I fell once while running and my brother was snarling above me. Dimitri's wolf likes me so he saved me. He changed back and tod my brother that we were supposed to take me back alive. He destracted my brother and I was able to get away." I shuddered."I remember him, screaming in pain when my brother attacked him for interrupting his hunt of me. He told me one day that if I escaped, he would sacrifice his life to make sure I got away. And sadly,"I clentched my fists."I think he kept his promise." "He always told me that one day I would get my dream bike. And this is it." Maria smiled sadly but nodded.She seemed to not be able to find the right words.Marques didnt seem to have the same problem though. "And it is yours." I smiled sadly and ran into his arms giving him a bone crushing hug. I backed away from him and and hugged maria. I turned towards Marquesand saluted him. He smiled and I gave him a toothy grin. I then hopped on my bike and drove to school. Oh and did I mention that the motorbike was highlighter purple with red streaks.My two favortie colors and in bold black letters on the side it said  Fallen   Angel . ___________________________________________________________________ At the school After taking my baby for a joy ride, I arrived at the school. Everyone was already there waiting for me. I pulled my hood up and drove into the lot. Everyone seemd to stop what they were doing and stare at me. I parked next to Aearel and hopped off.I took off my helmet and set it inside Aearel's trunk. My hood was up so it looked like I had little devil horns. Jesse and James sudennly came out of no where and picked me up. I squealed and hit them bothin the back of the head. They dropped me immediately.WHimpering about how it hurts so bad and how they didn't do anything wrong. I rolled my eyes at how the were rubbing the back of their heads. Whimpering like a bunch of newborn pups. "Oh boo hoo. Its what you get for sneaking up on me and invading my personal space now Apologoze or you will get much worse." THey dropped to thier knees and kissed my feet."Im sorry.Please i beg forgiveness." I looked at Lucas and pointed at this. He nodded, saying he has it on video. I could see he was still taping it.   "Well, I guess I will forgive you this time. But next time there will be  zero  forgiveness and you will pay dearly." They got up and hugged me muttering prayers to the moon goddess. "Now that is going on facebook." The twins froze and slowly turned toward Lucas.Lucas looked up and his eyes widenned when he saw the murderous look on the twins faces.I nodded at me and took off running. He yelled behind him. "See you after school if they dont kill me." The twins were in hot pursuit of Lucas and surprisingly Lucas was very fast. I laughed when I saw Lucas jump over the fence and climb up a tree.  I heard the bell ring so I said bye to Aearel and walked toward the front of school. I walked to the front office. A nice lady gave me my schedule and told me where to go. When I found my class, I saw a very pretty girl sitting all by herself. I was heading over there but stopped when I saw Brittney walk up to her. At first I thought they were friends until I started listening to there conversation. "Listen here you bitch I told you to wash my car and clean my room and you can't even do that right." Brittney sudennly slapped her. When I heard that sentence and saw her slap her., my feet just started walking. I was beyond mad at  Brittney for treating her like that. WHen I reach Brittney, I tapped her shoulder. WHen she turned around I punched her square in the mouth.Brittney fell to the ground with how hard I punched her.Everyone sudennly stopped talking. My classmates eyes were wide when they saw Brittney fall the ground with a broken nose. I rolled my eyes at her."Listen here you pathetic bitch.I don't want to see you or your pathetic faces making fun of others. I am tired of your shit and it is about time someone taught you a lesson. Just because I won't let you push me around does not mean you can turn around and do it to others so you can feel good about yourself. Because no matter how many people you put down, you are still going to be the same two face,slutty, pathetic bitch you are." I stepped over her and looked at the girl. "Are you okay? WHat is your name." SHe just looked wide eyed at me."R-Rai" "Thats a pretty name. Better than mine. My name is Persephone but call me Sephy. Can I sit here?" SHe nodded slowly and I sat down.SHe smiledat me. "You know, I think we are going to be best friends." I smirked at her."I think so too." After class, Rai and I found out we had THE SAME CLASSES. When we got to our next class though, we had a huge surprise. Chapter 16 CHapter 16 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' There standing in the middle of the lunch room was my brother Jayson and his bestfriend Dimitri. Along with some random kids. Rai gasped and shrank into me. I wrapped a arm around her and put her behind be. My eyes never left Jayson and DImitri though. When Rai gasped it caught thier attention. Jayson eyes wandered over me. I had my hood up but it did nothing to obscure my face. Once he met my gaze his eyes widened.  A slow sadistic smile cpread his face that made a shiver crawl up my spine. I looked arpund to see if anyone from my pack was here. No one. No no no. I wasn't ready. I couldn't. I couldn't face them yet. Jayson knew that too. "Well well welll. Look what we have here.Long time no see Persephone. Nice to see you agian. Dad is going to be thrilled." That was when I got control of my limbs.I threw my sstuff at them, grabbed Rai and threw her toward some students. There . No one is going to get hurt but me and him. FUry spread through my limbs as my body shook. Luckily this was a werewolf schoool because I felt as if I was about to shift. Rage was building. Al the anger I had before coming to play. I felt a beast that was arising ever since the fight with the rougues in the clearing. I felt powerful. I snarled at Jayson.  "Well hello asshat. Nice to see you too." His eyes narrowed. "WHo do you think you are talking to like that, huh." "I think I am talking to the most ungratful son,the scum of the earth. That is who I know I am talking to." He growled, expecting me to flinch. And when I didn't it enraged him even more. "Me. Ungrateful. You are the one who ran from the very people who took care of you." This angered me more I stepped forward. People around the lunch room hushed. Everything was silienced. All eye were trained on me and my blood brother. "Took care of me?"Venom was dripping from my words."I taking care of me entails beating me to a bloody pulp and almost raping me, then having me do everything right after." I took another step forward. "I would have died if I didn't escape." Another step. "You want to know why you are ungrateful. Our mother gave birth to us. You have never visited her grave." ANother step."Our mother kept us safe and fed whil your sorry exuse for a father beat her." Step."Our mother put me in charge of taking care of you. She trusted me to save you and make sure you are safe. And I did. The only reason why I stayed so long was because ALexander threatened to have you take my place once you got old enough. And you turn around and beat." Another step."WHat is ungrateful is derading our mother by serving and praising the guy who killed her." Step."And you don't even blink an eye when the man you call 'dad'  killed our mom tells you what to do because you dont CARE!" Slap! My head whipped to the side. Everyone around gasped. Then he had the audacity to laugh. "Its her fault for being a slut. SHe should of had an abortion when she had you and went to my father first." My fist clenched and my raged boiled over.I felt the my power over come me and felt it go to my fist. From the corner of my eye I saw it turn into a Purple flame. With out hesitation I drew back my fist and slamed it across his face. From the force he flew across the room and slamed into the wall. Crumbling the brick. My eyes glowed with the power. I ran forward and grabbed his face. I used the wall as leverage and slammed it into the tile. I grabbed a chair near by and slammed it into the back of his neck. I  grabbed a metal spoon and sharpened it with my mind into a knife.Jayson recovered and was ready this time.. He charged as well. Just as he was close enough I I twirled around and roundhouse kicked him. He flew into the hair. I jumped up and grabbed him by the neck. In the air I threw him down forcefully and he hit the ground hard. I was falling on top of him with my knife/spoon ready to stab and kill. When my spoon came down right next to his face. I was and inch into the tile.I stared down into Jayson's frightful eyes and jumped off of him. I turned away. "I will not let you make me into a killer. I am higher than that. "I turned around and stared into his eyes."I will not allow you to make me stoop to your pathetic level.I am not the murder you and your fathe are. Our mother would be very disappointed in you. She died for you. And how I wish you died with her but that is not the case. I will not kill you today. " I took the knife and stabbed the table. "However that does not meant I can't kill you. THat doesn't not mean that if you push me too far I won't kil you either. I won't allow you to disrespect me or  my  pack on  my  territory at  my  school. You are not in Kansas anymore Dorthy. Oh no. You are on my territory punk. And I won't hesitate to squash you like the pest you are if you disrespect my pack the way you just disrespected my mother." I turned away and started for the door.Half way there, I stopped and turned."And don't think just because your here means I have to listen to what ever bullshit you have to say, Asshat."I pulled up my hood and grabbed my stuff."Welcome to my world."I turned around and walked toward the door. I looked around and found Xavier staring at my in awe. I looked over and found the rest of my friends nodding there heads in approval and respect. I tilted my head pushed throught the doors of my schoool. That has a nice ring to it.  My school .I smirked as I walked out of my school. Ready to take on the world. Not knowing whenI got home my mood will not stay.   Chapter 17 rChapter 17 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Instead of going straight home I decided to wander a bit. By the time the time I got back it was dark. "Wow time flies." I got off my bike and shuddered when the cold night air breezed agianst my legs. I then gasped when a scent barely there but enough to make me know who it is. Impossible! My eyes widened when I realized something. I've been out way tooo late. It's already dark. Maria is going to kill me. Oh, thats just great. I just got out of a bad life and waltzed right into a good one only to die. I sighed. She can be understanding right. I just got out of a fight with my blood brother... I just  realized something... agian. Jayson and Dimitri wouldn't come here alone. They wouldn't come here unless they had permission. And knowing Alexander he wouldn't let Jayson go anywhere without him. Just to make sure he had an heir. That means... My eyes widened into saucers with this. I ran forward to the pack house and up the steps. I reached for the handle right when it opened. I had a grip on the handle so the force of the pull surged me forward. I landed into AKA Alpha Alexander. Behind him I could see Maria and Marques looking very worried. I gave them a look over. They didn't have any scars or wounds. I saw a sudden movement and jumped back 15 feet. Alexander gave a savage growl. Right. Behind. Me. I spun and was about to jump back when he grabbed my throat. I my throat ached and burned as I gasped for a breath of fesh air. While I was gasping for air I heard a colective gasp behind me. Everyone was watching. I raised my hands and gripped his arm. I closed my eyes and found the inner strength.I projected it and next thing I know im being thrown into a brick wall. I feel the wind being knocked out of me. I fell out after leaning forward. I could feel his strong, intimadating presence sauntering toward. I looked up  at him in defiance. He was mirking as if I submitted to him. My eyes flared in anger and I growled hoarsely. His face change drasticly when i  did that. Instead of a smirking victor it switch it to a growling deturmined alpha. And this particular alpha is determined to break me. Alexander reached down and yanked me up by my hair.he held me agianst the wall just like that. My feet were dangling just like mum's were when he did this to her. Not only that he can keep it up all day. He held my mum by her hair agianst the wall for hours. I felt more anger surge into me and all i could see was red. He yanked harder to try and get me to whimper and when I didn't that angered him more. He wanted me squirming to try to get his grip off. He wanted some tell tal sign that it hurt. I won't tell him but it burn like hell though. But I didn't do that. I ust looked up and stared into his eyes. I was still seeing red but not only thatI saw all the darkness in the word in this one person. I'll admit it was quite far fetched but I didn't care at that moment. All I saw was red. with my nails extended, I calmy reached up and barried then 5 inches deep into his arm. Igot a good grip, smiled at him incouraging ly before ripping my hand out with most of the meat in his forearm. ALexander howled him pain. He instantly dropped me and held his bleeding arm to his chest. A bleeding arm I refuse to let heal so easily. I got up and strode toward him like we were predator and prey. My nils still extended and Alexander was backing away at every step I took. I laughed. "Aww, is the big bad wolf scared of little old me?" He growled at me but I didn't even flinch. I held my ground but kept walking forward. Even though it hurt to. I checked my inner organs to find 2 broken rib is close to puncturing my right lung and left lung. I mentally cursed and warned myself to be careful. All it takes is another one of his pushes or slams and I won't be able to breath. I stopped right infront of him and bend over in his face.I looked him straight into the eyes, I didn't notice his fist cominand aiming at my torso. It hit hard but agian I didnt flinch even though I could feel the rib puncture my lungs.In response to his attack, I stomped on his nuts.  THen I turned from him only to round house kick his face. He was out like a light then. I looked up at a cough to see a crowd gathered. I growled in annoyance. I looked around for my friends. I found them rushing toward me. I was calm now. I no longer see red and the pain in my chest and seeping into me. I doubled over and started coughing up blood. Sephy!  I looked up and saw Xander rushing toward me. My world started to tip. I could feel my self fall. It felt like a long one. Like I was in slow motion. Our eyes locked and instead of falling on the hard ground I fell into his embrace. We kept eye contact and I felt my eyes slowly close. I could faintly hear him barking orders but that didn't matter to me. All I wanted to do was sleep.     Chapter 18 Chapter 17 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was all white. Then suddenly it was the day of my birthday. The day of my mom's death. Alexander barged into the kitchen. I kept yelling for Alexander to stop. I jumped on him andtried to pull him off. I just ended up passing through him . THe Scene changed and suddenly I saw alexadner. He had the match and was waving it over my mother. I was chained to the chair. I was thrashing I yelled and screamed and then the match dropped. And so did my heart. I screamed. I was reliving it. Alexander walked over tauntingly and I screamed agian and agian. The scene changed and suddenly I was in a meadow. I saw a lady with long blonde hair. The woman turned and I gasped.   "Mom." I ran fullspeed and crashed into her arms. Crying. Mom soothed me and kissed my forehead. I could feel her. She was soft  and smelled the same. Like mocha and Vanilla. I really missed her scent. How I used to just hug her and her scent envoloped me with love. I always calmed down when she hugged me. I thought it was becuase of the scent. But after she died and when ever I smelled vanilla or mocha or both I want to break down and cry. But now in my mother's arms I know it wasn't the vanille and mocha. I was her scent. Her unique scent that always makes me smile.   Mom pulled back from the hug to look at me. She carrassed my cheek wipping away my tears.   "Oh sweety. Look at you. You are all grown up. Your hair is beautiful. I'm glad you didn't die it. It is beautiful just the way it is. Okay enough with the tears. We need to talk. I'm sure you have a million questions."   I nodded and wipped my face with my sleeve.   "No. Just couple. Like where am I? Am I ....dead?"   "Heavens no. You aren't dead. If you did die I wouldn't be hugging you. I would be whooping that ass for dying when your brother needs you the most. When your mate needs you the most. When your friends need you the most. When Dimitri needs you the most. Heck the world needs you! And we are at Purgatory. A place between Heaven and Hell. For only the dead who are watching over thier loved ones making sure they are safe. And for wandering souls."   I scoffed. "Like hell Jaxon needs me. If you were watching over me. You would know just how much of a rotten soul your son has become. Besides. He has made it clear. He isnt my brother. Not by blood or love. And Xavier doesn't even want me. He ignores me completely. He has let other tear me down and givves no fucks to what happened in my past. In fact he probably invited that asshole Alexander just to hurt me!"   Mom looked down at me sadly. With pity. I shook my head.   "Mom the last thing I need is your pity. And what is this about the 'world' needs me."   my mom sighed." I forgot how dense you can be.You have no idea how strong you are. I mean look at your tattos. Do you think they mean nothing. And your powers. You are destined for greatness,girl. You must master your powers and learn how to fight better become stronger. People are going to come for you and your powers. ANd you must be stronger so you can protect you loved ones."   I froze. "So you are saying just because of who I am my friends could be..."   She nodded sadly. "But you can protect them. All of them. You are strong my dear and there are people who envy that and want you dead. And also want you for other reasons. Baby you need to find you father."   I snorted. "How the fuck am I suppossed to find a person I don't even know?!"   My mum hit me on the back of the head hard.   "Language. Do you really want to be hit by a bolt of lightning. I saw it happened once. Lets just say I haven't seen a crispier bacon on earth."   I shuddered in fear and looked around. As if me seeing it coming is going to stop it. My mum continued with her statement though.   "You know him. Trust me. You may nit know who you are and how important you are to the world but trust mer your day will come. Now you have to go back."   "WHy. I want to stay here with you ma. I don't wanna leave. I can't l-lat you g-go again. Not aft-er I-I just f-found you. And what am I going back to. A mate who doesn't want me. A brother who wants me dead. Acording to you, a bunch of people who aslo are after me because of who I am. Heck everytime I turn around life i kicking my-"I saw my mother raise her hand. "arse hard man. I don't have a life there. I wanna stay with you."   "You have your friends."   "According to you I am not strong enough. If I stay with them I might get them killed. Ma my exsistence has the ones I love die. I mean look at you. Look at Dimitri. Just by living all I do is hurt and kill the very ones I want to save and protect and heal."   Mum lifted my face to where I looked her in the eye..   "And you won't be able to do any of that if you don't go back. If you stay here and let yourself die on earth, you won't be able to be there for the ones you left at home. THe longer you stay here, the more seperated your soul become with your body. Then the link between your body and your ssoul will snap and you will die and leave broken hearts. Besides. I don't the big G would let you in. What you are doing right now is practicly suicide."   I narrwwed my eyes at her. She smiled at me and kissed my forehead.   "Just let go my daughter. Find your father. Save the world. Protect and heal your loved ones. Find who you are. You can't do that if you die."   I nodded and hugged her one last time.   "I miss you,ma."   She sighed and rubbed my back.   "I know sweetie. I know. I love you. Now go. Make me proud."   I nodded gave her one last squeeze and let go. I turned and walked away. I kept walking till I knew this is where I came. I didn't even know I came from the edge of the cliff. I turned back and waved goodbye at my ma. I felt tears rolling down my face. I saw my mother crying as well. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I then let mysself go and fall backwards..."   Xavier's Pov   Persephone has been comatose for atleast two weeks. THe doctors say there is nothing they can do. That if she doesn't wake up she'll die. Everyday I listen to her heartbeat and notice how it slows each day. And I know that If she doesn't wake up. It will continue slowing until I stops. Her heartbeat is very weak.   I hit myself on the head. I'm so stupid. This is my fault. She is like this because of me. My mate is about to die and I am the cause of it. I killed her. I ran a hand through my hair. My hair got a little shaggier. But I refuse to cut it. You could say I am rocking the old beiber hair cut.    Ugh I need to unwind. I walk into my room and am surprised to see atleast 3 or 4 girls sitting on my bed half naked. ANd one of them is....yep you guessed it. Brittany. She got up and walked swaying her hips as if it was sexy. I rolled my eyes. Really all it looked like was she rocking like and old lady.   When she reached me she grabbed me and unbottoned my pants.   "You have been looking kinda stressed lately babe. So I called up som eof my friends and thought we could help with that."   Hmmm. I am kinda stressed what the hell. I took off my shirt and you can kinda guess what happened from there.   Andre Pov   I was sitting here next to Sephy. Upstairs I could hear Xavier with abounch of bitches. THe nerve of him. ANd while his mate is dying he decides to go and fuck. You know what Alpha's son or not , the next time I see him I am kicking his ass.   I was holding Persephone's hand. Carassing it. Everyone has been sitting o pins and needles waiting for her to wake up. I hate seeing her like this. Pale. I miss seeing her eyes. So alive and playful. Full of mischief. Now from what I am hearing from the doctors, I will proably never see those eyes again.   I didn't even notcied I was cryong until I saw the tear drop onto Sephy and I's joined hands. I rested my head them and sobbed.   "Sephy....please. Please come back. We need you Sephhy. Nothing is the same. We all want you to come back. we miss you. I miss you.. I miss your laugh,badass atittude. The way you kicked Brittany;s ass without even lifting a finger. Come back to us. To your family. Nothing is the same. Noothing is the same. We all depressed. Motor mouth Zane who never seems to shut up is a mute. The mischievous twins Jesse and James are goody two shoes. Sol though he was always serious is a stons statue. Never talks or show any emotion.Aearal and Rai can't walk in here without breaking down.   Sephy squeezed my hand.   "That doesn't sound like themm at all."   I nodded. "i know right." I froze. I just got a reply. I kept my eyes down though. Knowing that if I looked up and saw her eyes closed I would los it. "P-persephone?" I whispered hesitantly.   "Yes."    I don't look up.  My grip o her hand tightens.   "You can look up Dre. I promise you I will be looking right back at you."   I let out a shaky breath. "You promise."   "Promise."   I look up. Chapter 19 Chapter 19 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Andre POV- When I looked at her face tears sprung from my eyes. Her eyes aren't open. She isn't looking at me like she promised. She is still comatose. Her heart is actually so weak. My head fell back down. I sobbed into our joined hands.  Then all of a sudden I heard a very distinctive sound.   Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-   My head shot up and my eyes darted to the heart meater. It was a line her heart stopped. I jumped into action.   "DOCTOR!!! HELP SOMEONE HELP PLEASE! PERSEPHONE COME TO ME. WAKE UP. jUST BREATHE! HELL JUST  LIVE!  DON'T LEAVE ME PLEASE!!! PERSEPHONE!!!"   Zane butted into my rant through the pack link.   "What the fuck is going on. You woke me up! Whats wrong?!"   "PERSEPHONE! SHE'S DYING! HER HEART STOPPED BEATING. GET HELP PLEASE! PLEASE GET THE PACK DOCTOR. GET HER MATE GET SOMEONE DOWN HERE PRONTO DAMNIT!"   I had my walls down so everyone heard me. I heard a thump coming from upstairs in Xavier's bedroom. I could hear him sprinting down to me. I straddles Sephy's hips and preformed CPR. I kept counting.  1-2-3.  Nothing was happening. THe tears from my face dropped onto her face.I closed her nose and breathed air down her throat. I continued this pattern over and over again. Nothing. Her heart wasn't bleeding. I couldn't sense her spirit. SHe was dead. No. NO. no no no no no no no no no no. Never please no.   I kept up the CPR. I vaguely heard people enter the room. I felt someone grab me and pull me off her. I fought against him. I could tell it was Zane. I fought against him to get to Persephone. TEars were pouring down my face. Zane turned me in his arms and envoloped me in a hug. I stopped fighting and cried. I heard the nurse yell,"CLEAR" A shock niose but the beep continued.   They continued this until the doctor stopped them. I spun around in  Zanes arms just in time to see the doctor check Persephone's pulse and look at the heart meater. His eyes connected with eveyrone in the room and shook his head. I collasped in tears. My legs could no longer support me.    I cried until I heard Brittnay's voice.   "Oh booo hoo. She had it coming. That is what she gets for messing with me. I may be a bitch but Karma is an even bigger one."   She laughed. She had the audacity to laugh. My head shot up and my eyes connected with hers. I was sure the were red. I growled lowly and jumped up. My claws ready to rip out her throat. SHe shreeked and ran behind Xavier. I raised and eyebrow in challenge. He quickly sidestepped leaving Brittany wide open. Some of her friends decided to jump in. They jump infront of Brittany and bitchslapped me. My head wipped to the side from the force but no blood.   I laughed hauntingly.I looked at them again. I shook my head as I gazed at them.   "Bitches never learn huh. Didn't Persephone teach you that if you want to hit someone hard and knock them out. You better punch. That bitch slap was pretty weak."   I spit on the floor.   "See no blood you hit like fuckng girl. This is how you really knock someone out."   I hit her in the stomach. So hard she spit out blood. SHe weakly bunched up her fist and threw it at me. I swiftly caught her hand  and grabbed the back of her neck makingbend over again.   "Much better. That is more like it. Too bad you won't be able to do it again."   With that I crushed her hand. I sqeezed her hand in mine until I heard a sickening yet sastifying crunch. She screamed in agony. I kneeded her in the head to sucessfully knock her out. Brittany screamed again. I roundhose kicked her in the face.   "Shut the fuck up. Your mak'n my ears bleed. Yell'n makes me want to kill you more!"   She tried to fight back except she grabbed scalpel. I sidestepped her and tripped her right into the corner of the table While grabbing her arm. I grabbed the back of her neck and swung her around. I pinned her to the wall and sqeezed her wrist breaking it. She immediately screamed and dropped the scalpel. I groaned in annoyance. got close to her ear.   "I said 'STOP FUCKING SCREAMING!' "   I pulled back her head and slammed it into the brick wall. I stepped back and she slide ddown the floor.You could clearly see a dint and a blood stain inside it where I smashed her face.   No one said anything. No one made a move or a sound. They seemed to scared that I would turn around on them. My eyes wandered to Persephone's peaceful face and I could feel my tears foll down my face. I punched the brick next to the dent and my hand went right through. I pulled back my hand and I kicked right next Brittany's head. My foot dissappeared past the brick. Another huge hole.   The bricks crumbled everytime I pulled back and I leaned against the wall. I rested my head against the brick and I felt Zane place his hand on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder to him with tears in my eyes. I was back to normal. Well I wasn't seeing red anymore. I immediately shrug him off. I turn and walk out the door. I sprint down the stairs hearing everyone yell my name.   I block my mind from everyone and saw my dad blocking the hallway. I was about to turn back when I saw Zane and Sol there.  The only light was the sunlight spilling from the window. Only one way out I ran toward my father then at the last possible second jumped throught the window.   My last thought as I ran away from the pack hows was.....   "This has to be a dream..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'' how's tht 4 a twist eh. Chapter 20 Chapter 20 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Andre POV I felt someone shaking me gently and I opened my eyes to see Zane's kind brown ones. I look around and see the heart monitor beeping. My eyes fall on Persephone's kind sky blue ones. I jumped up and tackled her in a hug. Sobbs racked through my body as hugged her.   "It was just a dream. Thank God."   Persephone laughed.   "What are you talking about?"   I pulled back and blushed. I shook my head.   "Nothing."   She laughed and we were all joking like old times. I helped her dress and right as we were ready to leave and let Zane back in Xavier came in as well.   He had no shirt on. Brittany walked from behind him. She was wearing his shirt. You could clearly smell sex radiating off them. Brittany's hair was so after sex I could totally tell they just did it. And more than once. The nerve. He did this while his mate was hurt and on breathing support. Brittany smirked at Sephy.   I turned my attention to her. A tear slid down her face. SHe grabbed the rest of her stuff. SHe pushed Xavier out the way and walked out the room. I started to run after her but stopped infront of Brittany. I punched her so hard in the stomach she spit out blood.She tried to stab me with a scalpel, I just made her trip into the corner of the table. She dropped the scalpel. She got back up and tried to punch me . I caught her hand and crushed her hand in my. I broke all the bones just by squeezing. She screamed in agony. I let her go and highkicked her in jaw. She spun around . Hr back facing. I grabbed her neck and ran then jumped as if I was dunking and slammed her face into the brick wall across the room,   I comicly dusted of my hands and turned towards the boys. Xavier looked very frightened of me and Zanes eyes were clouded with lust. I rolled my eyes. Boys. I grabbed Zane's hand and dragged him with me as we head to find Sephy.   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'''''''''''''''''''   Lol did you c ur face dude. u actually think i would kill my main character. it was a dream but xavier did sleep with a bunch of girls srry team Xavier Chapter 21 Chapter 21 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Persephone POV I ran and ran and ran. I ran past everyone not even registering that I was going faster than anything alive. So fast I felt like if I went one degree faster I could rewind time. I sprinted out the house past everyone into the city. I stopped when I was certian I didn't know where I was. Then I starrted walking until, purposely blending like a comelian with the crowd. THat is until I heard 'it'. That song. That voice. I followed the voice into a store. There on stage is was a band. All dressed like I do except I am a bit more punk. The song. Knives and Pens. I loved it. I walked closer and went to the counter of the store. I tapped the dude at the counter. He reluctantly turned his attention away from the band and toward me. "Yes." "What's going on?" "Oh the band onstage Black Veil Brides came to our store Hot Topic to play their songs voted the favorite in this area. Today is also open mic night. If you got some raw talent you can go up there and sing if you want. But I don't know about you but I don't think anyone sane or human would be able to sing right after that. " I laughed. "Me neither, but then again-" I winked"who said I was sane. Thanks for the info though bro" He grinned. "Anything for a sister." We did a little fist pump thing and turned our attention back on the BVB. They just finished their song. And stated they were taking a 5 minute break. The band tumbled down the steps laughing and came to the desk where I was currently standing. Now me being suddenly anti-social ,waved goodbye to the awesome dude at the desk aka Axel yep his name Axel. And side stepped them looking around the store. The normal Hot Topic music starts playing since no one has had the guts to go after that amazing performance. I was shifting through the skinny jeans when I felt 5 strong gazes on me. Maybe more? I look in the mirror beside me and take notce to Axel pointing me out to BVB. And BVB staring at me star struck. I froze . Uh oh. Not Good. i quickly grab some neon green hair die,a outfit to match and paid for it ignoring BVB. I scurry off to the bathroom and change while dying my hair. When I emerged from the bathroom, BVB was staring. Some of the boys even wolf whistled. I rolled my eyes and walked over to Axel. "Hey Axe, so no one has gone up there yet." "Nope." He made sure to pop the 'p'. I laughed. "Well, why not?" "Because Black Viel Brides was just up there." "And?" He gave me a look. "Okay. I admit. They are a good band but wouldn't be a dream though. If you got to perform in front of Black Veil Brides. What if they discover you or what ever. Wouldn't be awesome?" I'm still ignoring the fact that Black Veil Brides was right there though. Like literally right beside me. "Why are you saying it like you want me to go up there." I widened my eyes innocently and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know." I jumped onto the counter." you just stuck me as someone who could sing.My insticts are never wrong either. And with the way you are careful not to injure your hands I guess you play an instrument too." He looked at me surprised. "What? How? What makes you think that?" "Well it is either you play an instrument and sing or you're just gay. COuld be both though." Axel shook his head. "I'm not sure which one I want to be known as." "I do. You want to be known as the one that is the truth. And again I say" I looked him dead in the eye." it could be both." I hopped off the counter and grabbed his hand. I looked over my shoulder to Andy. "Make sure if he escapes me he can't leave." Andy and Jinxx nodded. The rest of them ignored me. I dragged him through the crowd. When we reached the stage I jumped up without using my hands and forced Axel to jump with me. When we got to the micro phone.I cleared my throat adn immediately everyones attention. I nodded towards Andy and the boys. They got into positon, effectively blocking Axel from running after I spoke. "Hey guys. Well I heard this is a open house. Well..besides BVB. ....Anywhore, the hot cashier has a voice and I want you to give a warm welcome to the stage. I have a feeling I know what song will go for him." THe crowd cheered. "But since this is his first how 'bout we but BVB up their to play. Andy can even sing with him! I mean, are you okay with that Beirsack." He shrugged. "Well get up here. ANd the song they are going to sing is 'My songs know what you did in the dark.' Have fun but get ready because I might just up stage you all afterwards." Everyone got up there and Axel was sending glares at me. I rolled my eyes. He sighed and set up the mic. He looked behind him at the band for support. I rolled my eyes and jumped at the DJ table. I gave tem a thumbs up. And when Axel opened his mouth everyone was simply blown away. Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa. B-B-B-Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark  Can't be sure when they've hit their mark  And besides in the mean, mean time  I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart I'm in the de-details with the devil  So now the world can never get me on my level  I just gotta get you off the cage  I'm a young lover's rage  Gonna need a spark to ignite My songs know what you did in the dark So light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  I'm on fire So light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  I'm on fire Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  In the dark, dark  Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  In the dark, dark Writers keep writing what they write  Somewhere another pretty vein just died  I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see  That you're the antidote to everything except for me, me A constellation of tears on your lashes  Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes  In the end everything collides  My childhood spat back out the monster that you see My songs know what you did in the dark So light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  I'm on fire So light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  I'm on fire Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  In the dark, dark  Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  In the dark, dark My songs know what you did in the dark  (My songs know what you did in the dark) So light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  I'm on fire So light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  Light 'em up, up, up  I'm on fire Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  In the dark, dark  Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.  In the dark, dark Oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa.    Everyone was dancing until the song ended. All the girls staring at Axe lwith jaws on the floor. It was silent for a while. Until me being me broke it by yelling. "GO Axe!!!" I clapped even louder too. That got everyone clapping. I giggle and jump on stage. I hugged everyone. I felt eyes on me and turned around. I looked around until I saw a man who was watching me AND my friends. I gnored them and turned to the rest of the crowd. "Well guys. That was a fantastic performance huh. In fact how 'bout another round of a applause." I clapped as everyone else. But I always ruin moments. "But, I did say I would give them a run for their money when I got a chance. " Axel with a now bloated ego butted in. "Yea right. Not agianst that. I bet you a 100k you can't." I turned my head slightly and looked at him. "Okay. its a bet." We shook on it and I winked. "Get ready to lose." Chapter 22   Chapter 22 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I dramatically cleared my throat. I nodded towards the DJ table where Sasha rudely sat himself at. He smirked at me. "What song?" "You pick. In fact. Choose a Christina Aguilera song." "Axe laughed. No chance in hell that even you woud be able to hit those notes." I rolled my eyes but continued to ignored him otherwise. Well, ANdy didn't. ANdy punched him so hard in the head, I could hear and see the dent from where I was standing on the stage. He was knocked out. In my mind the only thing that came up for a second was. "DAMN! You just got KNOCKED the FUCK OUT!!!"   Jinxx being nice slapped him across the face, effectively waking him up. I turned my attention to the crowd. When I heard the song start, I smiled. My favorite. YAY!!!! (A/N:The song it Fighter by Christina Aguilera) (Spoken)  After all that you put me through,  You think I'd despise you,  But in the end I wanna thank you,  'Cause you've made me that much stronger   (Sung from now on)  Well I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true  Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up  'Cause I've had enough  You were there by my side, always down for the ride  But your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you  But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong  'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know  Just how capable I am to pull through  So I wanna say thank you  'Cause it [Chorus:]  Makes me that much stronger  Makes me work a little bit harder  It makes me that much wiser  So thanks for making me a fighter  Made me learn a little bit faster  Made my skin a little bit thicker  Makes me that much smarter  So thanks for making me a fighter Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing  Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I'd realize your game  I heard you're going round playing the victim now  But don't even begin feeling I'm the one to blame  'Cause you dug your own grave  After all of the fights and the lies 'cause you're wanting to haunt me  But that won't work anymore, no more,  It's over  'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture  I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down  So I wanna say thank you  'Cause it [Chorus] How could this man I thought I knew  Turn out to be unjust so cruel  Could only see the good in you  Pretend not to see the truth  You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself  Through living in denial  But in the end you'll see  YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME I am a fighter and I  I ain't gonna stop  There is no turning back  I've had enough [Chorus] You thought I would forget  But I remembered  'Cause I remembered  I remembered  You thought I would forget  I remembered  'Cause I remembered  I remembered [Chorus] The screaming didn't stop. The screaming made me smile. This was way louder than Axe's. I jumped off the stage and stopped infront of a dropped mouth Axe. "Now that is what I call a Standing Ovation. I expect the 100k by next week. Sasha will give you the address." Andy picked me up and put me on his shoulders. I yelp and was giggling uncontrolably. He took me out of the crowd to the man I saw staring at us before. He had chin length dirty blonde hair. Topaz eyes. He was muscular but not packed like Sasha. More lean. But you could definitely tell he was strong. Maybe even stronger than he led on. He also had a captivating presence. He looked atleast 22. He was handsoe. i'll give him that but wasn't really attracted to him. Me just thinking abot him like that made me want to hurl. Andy set me down immediately after seeing the man. He gestured toward him. "Sephy, this is Constanine Sterling. Aka My dad. Dad this is Persephone but she goes by Sephy." (Pic of Constantine to the side) (A/N:Constantine is played by Jasper from twilight. srry if pic dont show up) Constatine offered his hand. "Pleasure to meet you." I smiled and grabbed his hand. Suddenly I was in a vision?" FLASHBACK I was in a victorian mansion. I was sitting on my mums lap. Sue was brushing my hair. Mini me giggled when mum suddenly tickled me trying to get my attention. ""Persephone, go get the door. I have a feeling your father is going to be home." And speak of the devil. The door bell rang. I watched as mini me sighed dramtically and ran toward the door. "It's about time." A deep voice answered her...or me? "I'm sorry darling. I told you to stop waiting for me to get home. It is way past your bedtime." My mum laughed and joined them. She gave father a kiss. Father picked me up and I giggled. I looked into my Father's golden eyes.  "I missed you,Father. And your hugs. Love you." "Love you too, Persephone." He kisses my cheek and my mums lips. I look at his face,this time paying attention to detail. I gasp as I am pulled out of the flashback." FLASHBACK END I look up at Constantine or should I say.... "Father..." Chapter 23 Chapter 23 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Picks up right after she finds her father Dad smiles. I blink. I let his hand slip from mine and start to walk out of the store. Just as I reach the door, I turn slightly and look at BVB and Constatine, gesturing them to follow. They follow. When we get out of there and wallk away from to much people, I stop sudennly. I sin on my heel and lock eyes with Constantine, my father. He opens his arms for a hug. I run towards him and stop just out of reach, to punch him so hard snot came out. Then I pulled back to punch him in the right side of his jaw. Then finish with a uppercut. I grabbed his shoulders to steady him only to headbud him in the forehead.... hard. He fell back with a broken nose. He looked up to see me glaring over his body. You see my attack happened really fast. Too quick for humans to keep up. The boys only barely saw me cause they were right there. AND I have my suspicion that they might be vampires. Andy blinked. His eyes trailed from our fathers broken form to my bloody hands and heated glare masked with a disgusted face directed at the man at our feet. Constantine chuckled and wiped the blood from his mouth an nose with his sleeve. "Firey and feirce just like your mother." He mumbled. I growled. and switly kicked him in the face. "You have  no  right to talk about my mother. Especially with the way you left us like sitting ducks in the middle of a swamp full of hungry 'gators." He put up his hands to half block any of my hits and in a surrender position. "You have a right to be angry and disappointed in me. After all, I am you dad and I-" I stomped on his balls and ground the heel of my shoe on him. "DOn't ever call yourself my dad. Anyone can be a father, but to be a dad takes a man who is willing to be there for the kid. Something you aren't." I lifted the pressure just to stomp harder on his balls. I chuckled at his muffled screams of pain. "Atleast this way you can't mmake anymore kids that you don't plan to keep and take care of." I think the boys unfroze from the shock because Andy stepped forward. "Uh...um S-se-phy?" I swivel my head.  "What." Andy winced and shrunk under my heated stare. Constantine chuckled under my foot. "Bad idea. If I know anything about woman like Honey and Persephone, you don't want to mess with them whne they are pissed off. Especially at you-AAHHAHAHH!" I growled. "Take it like a man damnit!" Jinxx stepped in this time. "SEphy. I know you are upset but pplease lets talk this out. This time you get to get answers. Okay. Just come with us." Despite all of my anger inside me I nod. "Fine." _________________________________________ at BVB trailer turns out Constantine is their band manager. I was seated with a table between me and COntantine. ANdy was to the right of COnstantine. Ashely was in the small kitchen getting drinks. CC was next to me. I know  brave right. Lucky him I like him the most. He semi-understands why while agreeing. After I told my story to them We had to restrain CC and ANdy from ripping COnstantine to shredds.We were in silence now while letting my story merinate in our thoughts but I break the ice. "Why?" Constantine looks up at me. "Huh?" "Why?" ".....I don't know-" "Bullshit." "......You aren't ready to know." "You lost the right a long time ago to decide stuff for me don'tcha think?" "Fine. But don't interrupt me until im done." I nod even though he was talking to the boys. "Long ago there was a girl and a boy. Step-Brother and sister. Despite thoer parents unnion,they fell in love. Well, that was until the boy found out his 'step sister' was really his unlegitimate sibling. As soon as his mother died his father wasted no time in marrying his mistress. When he found out, he was overcome with greif for his mother and hatred for his father. In response to the truth, he told everyone. "Soon his father,mistress,and sister was looked down upon as vermin. The boy soon turned into a man and was forced to marry his 'sister' because of the guilt the plagued him for hurting her.Every day she said she loved him and he said it back with a kiss on the forehead. A kiss of brotherly love.That wasn't the kind of love she wanted from him. What she demanded was soo much more than he could give.She wanted a lover.And he refused but still was there for her. But behind her back he still saw his mate. His true love. "After a night of passion there came a little baby girl with eyes as blue as the ocean and silk girty blonde hair just like her mother. They thought everything was alright. That they could keep it a secret until they could find a way to be together and get his 'sister' out of the way. They were wrong. His 'sister' has been watching, waiting to strike. At first for revenge of distroying her father and mother's life. But then for jealousy beccause he loved another woman. "While he and his mate were together  the jealous women went out to do alittle researching. Turns out his mate is an abomination. A cross breed between a vampire and witch. She decided to give the witch a taste of her  own medicine. She went around the wican community and found a powerful witch with and equally powerful grudge agianst his mate. The witch she found was his mate's mother. "Though the powerfu wican didn't want and was ashamed for her daughter she refused to physically hurt her..but she was willing to emotionally hurt her. And the only way to do that was to hurt someone close to her. The jealous sister insisted on the newborn because she refused to have her so called future 'lover'. SO the wiccan decided to bewitch a werewolf to bite the newborn in her crib. With already 50% vampire and 25% wiccan 25% human. A werewolf bite would have very much killed her.  I looked down  my spirit let down. "It didn't though. Her body accepted it. The human in her switched with the werewof genes and turned the werewolf human. Of couse, the newly changed human rejoiced. he never loved his curse. When the jealos bitch and the wiccn found out the newborn still lived they changed him back and turned the child's newborn powers dormant. But no matter what they did the incident still left clues that it had taken place. Like the fact the newborns hair now was half blonde... half black. " Everyone turned to me with wide eyes. There eyes turned to flying saucers when they took in my abnormal hair. I clenched my teeth when I realized this story was about me. I kept my eyes on my father though. I nodded to let him know I was stil listening. He continued. "In the end his wife-" "Just say your wife. We all know this is about us now. Well it was obvious from the begininning..." He cut his eyes at me. Wow...I knew I got my glare from someone. "Fine....In the end my 'wife' well sister threatened to tell everyone of my 'mistress'. I made the brave desicion of letting you go but watching from afar. I told your mother that if she ever had trouble to come to me. But that was not the end of her terror. She wasn't ...satisfied with your mother leaving. She wanted her dead. And you to suffer." Now I was sillently gasping to try and keep in the tears. "..And what did she do?" "Over the years she planned to learn wiccan and became a very powerful soceress. And multiply that by 1,000 bcause she was a aristocrat vampire married to a pureblood. When she saw you mother marry and have a son with the descendant of the werewolf they bewitched to bite you earlier, she tapped into his blood and was able to control and his thoughts. Plant false accusations. Kinda be a second voice in his head. "Fooling him into thinking she was his conscience. Weh she realized you guys wouldn't break she had him kill you and brainwash your half brother into hating you as well. But the Alpha really loved your mother. She had taken control of all his body but his soul. He had to sit inside his mind and watch as the love of his life died by his hands. And he hated himself. That hatred made him go into depression to wear he no longer can fight back. He pretty much became a puppet. He was a soul burdened in despair. Too depressed to help himself." My eyes never leave his. I stood up and walked to look out the window. It was raining outside.You could hear the pitter patter of raindrops agianst the glass. I took a deep breath and asked the question on my mind all day. "So you are telling me all the hatred I have harbered for that man was not his fault. That all this pain in my life was because of her...." I took his silence as a yes. "And all over one-sided love." I chuckled humorlessly. and placed my hand on the glass. The other over my heart. "Is there anything else I would need to know?" "....She is the cause of your rejection. Actually you guys aren't even mates." I whirled around. "WHAT?!" "She placed a spell on you. She made you think you and him were mated. And let you feel the pain of the rejection. She...wanted you to feel her pain. In order to do that she made you think he was you mate when your mate was there all along. Watching from the sidelines. He knew the pain you felt but all he could do was watch. I don't know if I could. It would drive me insane to watch my mate be hurt time and time agian and I couldn't do anything to help it." I fell back onthe wall and slid down till my but thumped on the fuzzy carpet. "My mate was in pain?He had to watch me look at another with love and waht about Xavier's mate?" "SHe is Brittany if I am correct. She is confused. In fact she was nothing like this until a month before you met them. She made it so it wouldn't be abnormal for her to sleep with other girl's guys." But all I could think about was. 'They all felt that all that anger and pain...just because of me.'       Chapter 24   Chapter   24 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  I sigh as I hop off the tour bus. I turn and give a smile and a small wave to BVB. My eyes gravitate to my father's and I stare into his eyes. I flashback to my startling question to everyone after I was told all of that information. To where the my beast awoken. FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took a deep breath and stood. I wiped tiredly at my eyes. I opened them but kept my eyes away from the others by turning to the window again. "Constantine?" There was silence before he answered me. "Yes?..." "Do you know who she is? Where she could be?" I heard him sigh befor ehe answered me. "I know nothing but that she is close to you." I turn when I am sure the redness of my eyes disapated. I raise a brow. "Close?" His eyes met mine. "Yes. Close. Very close actually. Closer than you might think. She has hazel eyes,tan skin and bronish hair. That is always the similairity in her appearance when we meet. She might look lik a different person but that is always the same." "....Thank you." I felt the bus come to a halt and looked out the window to see we were parked just outside the pack territory. I turned to the door and started walking. But then I stopped. Still having something else to get off my chest. " I still haven't forgiven you, Father." I could smell his surprise and the sadness that followed. "I know my child. You have all the reason to anyway." "You need to know why though." I looked over my shoulder and as his eye glued my face with eyes ablaze in anger toward himself. "I can't forgive you not because of mom died. But because you had a lot of times to help. You had so many opportunities to change the out comes of so many things. And there is another reason why you didn't claim mother. Actually two. "One, it would be political suicide. You would lose all respect for commiting the same sinful act as your Father. Two, you had had another fling with a completely different women. Resulting in my brother, Andy. That is why I can't forgive you." flashback END I tore my eyes from his, unable to hold the gaze of the man partly responsible for my misfortune. I knew that all that bad stuff can;'t happen to little ole' me with some kind of outside force. I chuckled darkly as I walked away.  Nevermind that now. I will deal with that later. Right now...I date with the bitch who ruined my life.   Chapter 25   Chapter 25 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   While I was walking I pondered the newly discovered information from my father. So this bitch could be anybody. Anyone that I trust. Brown hair,tan and hazel eyes eh. Hmmm. The only person that comes to mind is Andre. But no Andre is my sister . I drummed my finger while walking up the driveway of the packhouse. She could never.... Well maybe she could. I dunno I am sooo confuzzled. I fumbled with my keys and unlocked the dooor. I just reallly need a hot shower and a good nights rest  ,I thought as I turned the knob. But nothing in my life can be thatt easy,huh. Once I walked through that door hell erupted. "PERSEPHONE!"  My name was shouted over and over and over agian like a broken record player symphony before Andre broke through the crowd and attacked me in a hug. "Sephy." I smiled and hugged her back in my arms. She hugged mme tighter. And just as fast as she hugged she pulled away to punch me hard in the boob. "Ouch!" I looked up at her as if she was crazy, which wouldnt be  too  far off." What the fuck was that for?! " She thumped me. "What do you think? The minute you wake up from a coma you bail out on us?! Albeit for a justified excuse you could've waitied for one if us. Then when Sasha, the twins and Xavier find you you run out with Black Veil Brides of all people and some blonde haired dude who looks like you. Or you look lik him? What ever. "The point is you had us worried sick. You were gone for hours with a bunch of strangers. We were afraid something could have happened to you."  Our 'familuy' behind her nodded in agreement. Sha slapped me across the face then hugged me, nuzzled my neck. "Don't ever scare me like that again.  Please ." I nodded and hugged her with one arm. I looked over he shoulder to the rest of my friends. Luna and Alpha along with my mat- their son was there. Jay was there too. So was Aearel,Zane,Austin,Sol,Jesse and James (twins),Lucas,Emanuel,Rai and even Jaxon. I hugged eveyrone and was repeatedly given a stren talking to. It was almost perfect. The only person not here is- "Hey where is Damian?" Everyone shrugged before Lucas spoke up. "I dunno he went outside in woods for a run. But he hasn't been back for a while-" I jumped up, hurtled the couch before sprinting out the door. I heard collective growls and a slap. I ignored that though. I had to find Damian. As I past the treeline I caught his scent. I never have ran to fast in my life. I running faster that any werewolf in the pack. My feet were never touching the ground. No leave or branches crushed. I halted for a second before tilting my nose skyward just as the his scent led me to a clearing. The very same clearing I killed thos rogues...Delughtful. And there with muzzle down sat a big wolf. I mean bog. Looked lik he should be an Alpha son. He was bigger than Xavier. Almost as big as Marques. his big head turned toward me. Human eyes peered at me. Evern from afar you could see their striking blue orbs. Blue orbs that struck me with familarity. With a dash of longing.Then I felt it . I felt a pull that led me towards him. And as I got closer my eyes never left my true mate's. When I was close enough I halted infront before I plopped down next to him. His eyes watching my every move. I reached out to tough him and he moved his head to the side stubbornly. I grumbled under my breath before laying my head at the base of his neck. He growled lowly but I stayed. Eventually he relaxed.Running my hands through his fur I looked him in the eyes before smiling. My eyes connected with his like a jigsaw puzzle before it clicked in my mind. Where I have seen these eyes. There is only one guy I know around he with starling crystal clear baby blue eyes lik his. I whispered lowly under my breath shocked yet scared to frighten him away. " Damian.. "   Chapter 26 Chapter 26 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Before I could blink Damian flinched back and growled at me. I jumped back startled. Damian rose with shoulders hunched and teeth bared. I immediately got up as well and raised my arms palm out in surrender."Damian I know you are angry hurt and confused okay. And I-"Once again i am interrupted. Instead of by Damian's growl but by shouts of my name along with Damian's name. I spun in my heel in surprise. There stood in the entrance to the clearing at the tree line stood the pack. I heard a bone crack and some rustling. I was about to turn around when arms wrapped around my waist and a broad naked chest rubbed against my back. Along with hands over my eyes. I felt soft lips brush the shell of my ear. Everywhere sparks were dancing across my skin explosively. I felt the lips whisper softly into my ear."Don't turn around."Damian. I felt myself smirk and decided to play along. I bit my lip as my hands rose to cover his hands with my own."And why is that?"His chuckle rumbled throughout his chest making hia chest vibrate against my back."I thought it was obvious."My face reddened when he brought me flush against him. That was when I could feel everything. Dear God and heaven on earth he was naked and rubbing against me. I was blushing so much i made a move to go to the side when his next words stopped me."I wouldn't move. I mean unless you want everyone to see me. Even it isn't like they haven't seen it before." I growled lowly at the thought of those girls looking at my mate. Woah there. Well he may be my mate he fricken growled at me when I said we were. I think that might be a definite signe he doesn't want. I felt my shoulders sag. I don't think I could take another rejection again. Even if the last one was not my true mate it still hurt. And now that I find the one for me he will reject me. And leave me sobbing on the floor just like Xavier ,won't he. It's better to just be closed off won't it. But, I vowed the moment I found Xavier wasn't made for me that I find my real mate. I will beg for being too stupid to notice him. For being ignorant of the truth. Apologize for him to have to see me cry over another. After that I will love him and love him hard. I looked at Damian from the corner of my eye to see him looking at me as well.   And nothing will stop me. Not even my mate himself.   (A/N:Damian was reading her thoughts itallics is her thoughts.) ____________________________________________________________________________________ When we reached the pack house lets just say everyone was pissed. As soon as we hit the door Lucas dragged Damian by the ear upstairs. I heard the door slam them yelling. Lots and  lots  of yelling. The things getting broken banging the it suddenly stopped. It was  eeirly  silent. You heard the door open and shuffling. I saw Lucas walk down the stairs. He was limping hard. Some cuts here and there. His shirt ripped, clinging onto him by a thread and his jeans had long claw marks on the sides. Identical marks along his arms as well. His face adorned a black eye and busted lip. Lets just say he looked like shit. He went int the freezer. He grabbed 5 bags of frozen peas.  He went to the fridge and grabbed 4 bottles of water and some ranch. He looked at the counter with atleast 30 boxes of pizza. He grabbed 5 boxes, gave me a reassuring smile and somehow walked up the steps without dropping anything.  My mouth was on the floor. Sasha chuckled behind me. "Don't worry Sephy. That's what always happens when they get into it. When we couldn't find Damian I knew they were going to fight to we ordered a lot of pizza. Just in case." I quickly closed my mouth as a giggle escaped my lips. How adorable that is. Not my giggle the brothers. I'm not  that  concieted.   "Wow that is quite the relationship." Andre turned to me with thined lips. "Speaking of relationships, ours is in real danger from becoming like the twins upstairs!" I gulped as she took another step with teeth bared. "Didn't we just talk about going off somewhere without giving anyone a clue ?! Are you retarded? You can't just hop over a couch and superman your way outside to Damian. And don't get me started to how we found the both of you."   I blushed remembering the feel of his chest- "-was so weird! Hey Sephy are you listening?" I jumped out of my mind jumble and into the present world. I looked her in the eye seriously. "DO you want the truth or a euphemism?" Her eyes blazed. Then surprising me she started to ramble in...spanish? "no escucha estúpida rubia tonta ¿Cómo se atreve me rindo usted está en su propia no esperes que me importa cuando es golpeado por un autobús" (  doesnt listen stupid blonde bimbo how dare she i give up you are on your own dont expect me to care when you get hit by a bus) I growled at her an exclaimed back. " así lo siento, pero yo simplemente no me importa un carajo tengo una bolsa gigante de la folla y yo simplemente no puedo darte contigo gritando como una loca y cuando te quedas embarazada por zane no vienen llorando a su propio yo andre ar eon en esa situación, así (well im sorry but i just dont give a fuck I have a giant bag of fucks and i just can' tgive you any with you yelling like a banshee and when you get pregnated by Zane dont come crying to me Andre you ar eon your own in that situation as well ) A blush spread across her cheeks as she looked up in shock at me. I narrowed my eyes. "sí es cierto que no eres la única perra que habla español en la casa" ( yeah that's right you're not the only spanish speaking bitch in the house) She growled at me. "Sólo estoy mirando hacia fuera para usted. no puedes ayudarme aquí" ( i'm just looking out for you. can't you just help me out here) I got close to Sol , wrapping my arm around his shoulder and pointed outside the window. " mira en la distancia ... es que carajo no me importa además de que no es su negocio" (look in the distance it is that fuck I don't give besides that isn't your business) I growled and ran a hand thorough my hair. " ¿por qué te preocupas tanto ninguna manera soy lo suficientemente mayor como para cuidar de mí mismo no he necesitado la ayuda de nadie" (why do you care so much any way im old enough to take care of myself i havent needed anyone's help) She growled right back. "Así que alguien. Quiero decir que no es que uno tenga una familia que lo que ellos mismos" (Well someone has to. I mean it's not like you have a family to do that themselves) Tears welled  up in my eyes as I took a step away from her. Her eyes widened as well when she realized what she just said. "Sephy-"  I raised my hand. " Silenciar. "  (Silence) "tienes razón. It's not like I ever had a family anyway. Not back then and not now. " (You're right) I walked pass her and right when I reached the banister I popped my palm on it paused. "And you wanna know what the funny this is? casi me pareció que este paquete podría ser mi nuevo hogar. casi. podría conseguir una nueva familia y tal vez mi felices para siempre. pero de nuevo una vez más me rechazas. no te preocupes, me sale el mensaje ahora. no hay felices para siempre para mí. Nunca jamás ha será. gracias por recordármelo. no te preocupes No voy a cometer el mismo error otra vez." (i almost thought that this pack could be my new home. Almost. i could get a new family and maybe get my happily ever after. but again an again you reject me. don't worry i get the message now. there is no happily ever after for me. never has never will be. thank you for reminding me.Don't worry  i won't make that mistake again.) I ran upstairs and my instincts took me to a room. I just barged in. Damian and Lucas looked up from there pizza in confusion which quickly converted to horror when I closed the door and collasped in tears.  Chapter 27 Chapter 27 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Damian immediately rushed to my aid. "Are you okay? WHy are you crying?" I just shook my head. Personally I didn't know why I was crying. I run through the conversation once again. I wasn't all Andre's fault. Even though what she said to me was unacceptable, it takes two to tango. I got her all worked up too. I guess I am crying because I am overwhelmed? I don't know. "Persephone my wolf is angry at what Andre said. I couldn't understand what did she say?" Lucas cut in. "What was that she said?" Damain turned slightly and looked at Lucas for a second as he relayed what he must have heard in my mind. Lucas' eyes widened as he growled furiously. His eyes blazing in fury shifted to me. "Did she really say that?" I nodded frightened. All I know now is to never piss Lucas off. A Lucas fuming, is a scary sight. He looked so terrorfying that I knew whoever he was angry at was a dead man walking. Or in this case a dead woman walking. I stood with my arms spread as I saw the same frightening look overcast Damian's face. His eyes darken to a stormy grey blue. Shit. Lucas must have tranlated to Damian what Andre said. SHe is fucked. I stood slowly. I prayed to the ninja gods that my movements were being unnoticed as I searched thhe door behing me for the knob. When my closed around it, I remembered that this door locks on the outside.  Convenient. (sp?)  I hope Andre knows she owes me for this. I silently twisted the door knob, then quickly opened the door and sllamed it shut all in .5 seconds. I locked the door and then jumped over the railing and landed softly in the foyer. Everyone looked up in surprise. I ignored their looks and looked at Andre. "RUN!"  SHe looked at me confused until she heard the door upstairs giveway. Her eyes widened but she froze. Un-fucking-believable. I hurriedly charged her through the door  and we landed in the yard. She gave a what the hell look and I pushed her forward.  "RUN DAMNIT! THE BORTHERS UPSTAIRS ARE PISSED AT YOU FOR WHAT YOU SAID AND ARE COMING FOR YOUR GODAMN HEAD! GET A MOVE ON!"   Her eyes widened in fear and she waisted no time to head for the treeline. I sighed. "STAY IN HUMAN FORM! STAY IN PACK LAND. LOOK FOR SOME VERY HIGH TREES THAT CAN OBSCUR YOUR BODY FROM THE GROUND BELOW! I'LL COME FOR YOU WHEN THEY COOL DOWN!" She sent me a smile over her shoulder and disappeared. A whosh of air escapped my lungs and I sighed. I turned on my heel and headed inside. Okay. Time to deal with some  seriously pissed  Beta brothers. Wish me luck mum. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just a filler a bit. sorry it short but i have chores and i wanted to giv u a little something somethin u know . nxt chappie is definitely going to b longer and also i went back a edited a bit please go and read them if u are confused. hoped u enjoyed dont hate me too much. till nxt time   Chapter 28 Chapter 28 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lets just say I hauled ass in the house not wanting to let my friends deal withmy mess. When I entered the house, I took two steps before I had to immediately duck as flying glass hurtled over my head and smashed the door where my face should have been. I slowly rose looking left and right for and glass that decided to suddenly sprout wings.  When I was absolutely sure that there was nothing coming my way I head to where most of  the commotion was. THe house rattled as if a earthquake was coming or a volcano erupted. The epicenter is the living room. I slid across the floor to the door as I felt something running around in there. Just as I reach for the handle, the door bursts open. My instincts allowed me to jump up and grab the top of the door. I twisted my body up into and hand stand on the top of the door that was currently opening. The door opened a bit more and it took all of my strength,balance and endurance to not fall off. I had to become 'one with the door'. I was just as straight and solid and the door. I had my hair in a bun so my hair was out of my face. Thank god. Or what would be the point.  Focusing back on what opened the door I saw a boy poke his head out and then start out. Inquisitive blue eyes that flickered for movement. The he took off. Well he tried to. A hand popped out from the room and dragged him back in. I hear some more rucuss before I hear Maria's voice. "What the fuck are you boys thinking destroying my livingroom. You bloody scoundrels. Just wait till I get my hand on-Oh where do you think you're going? Especially in your birthday suit." I chuckled and reached up to cover my mouth with both of my hands. Too late he heard me. He looked around but never did he look up. His eyes moved over my hidding spot a few times before he actually looked at me. I had a feeling he couldnt fully see me but he sensed I was right there. I bit my lip and his gunmetal blue eyes connected with my colbolt blue eyes. There  was a pause. I felt liike he could see me. He took a step in my direction and squinted his eyes. Like he was ustilizing all of his energy to find me. I was saved by the bell. Well, the Maria bell. "What the hell do you think you are doing mister? When I am done with you, you won't have time for looking into space. You are going to go upstairs and put some clothes on. Then I want you to come back down here and clean up this mess. You and your brother." Lucas sudennly appeared out of nowhere and both him and Damian turned to jump up and monkey bar the banister in an effort to aviod the embarassment of walking around the right way stark naked. Maria raised a brow. "Where do you two think you are going?" They turned and looked over at her in confusion. She pointed to the livingroom where alot of the pack members where seated currently. "Last time I checked that is the correct way to the stairs." The boys lowered their heads in shame and groaned. Their cheeks already tinted in red with embarassment that was sure to come. I smirked and giggled. Then my eyes roamed Damain's body and my body flushed with desire. Damian's head snapped up and I knew then he could see me. He sniffed the air and smirked growling in pleasure. Maria scoffed. "No groaning if your man enough to ruin my livingroom, your man enough to walk around naked infront of your peers. Besides the only reason you would be embarrassed was if you had nothing to show in the downstairs area." Maria turned to him and darted to where I was. She smirked and grabbed Lucas by the ear. "Come on brat. Damian you can meet s there." "What that is no fair." "Shut up Lucas or I'll make you mow the lawn." They left the foyer and it was just me and Damian. The silence streched on until I felt him enter my mind. " Hmm , mate. You smell delicious. Careful though. You continue to  eyerape  me like that I can't be responsible for my actions. " I rolled my eyes and pu tmy hands on my hips. "Yea whatever.  We still have to talk about us anyway." "You are correct but there are more pressing matters." "Like what." "Like the fact you are floating above the living room   threshhold  upside down." My eyes widened and I looked down and indeed he was correct. I panicked and suddenly the ground was coming closer to my face. I closed my eyes and protected my face for the impact. But it never came. Instead the hardwood floor. It was warm arms that caught me. Through my eye lids ,a shadow hovered over my face. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked. Remember that shadow I was talking about earlier. That was my savior. This savior saved me from falling. I know all of you guys are wondering who saved me. Well it was not Damian my so called faithful mate. It was actually Zayn Malik from 1D.  And One Direction was standing behind him. I sniffed the air. Hmm, so they are werewolves. Zany smirked down at me. "Ello, love. " Chapter 29 Chapter 29 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/ N:FOR  THE RECORD BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF THE CONFUSION.  ANDRE  IS A GIRL. I PICTURE HER AS  ZENDAYA  OKAY PEOPLE.  ANDRE  IS A GIRL IN THIS STORY. THIS IS MY STORY AND I WANTED SOMETHING TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION. NOW WHAT  DOESN'T  GRAB YOUR ATTENTION MORE THAN A BLACK GIRL WITH A PREDOMINANTLY  HISPANIC  BOY NAME(not racist I am part BLACK with some  HISPANIC  +Indian in me. it is faint though) Anywhore  please understand Andre is a GIRL! I repeat Andre IS A GIRL! You can Carry on reading. I blinked again. Then abruptly stood up and pushed Zayn away. I looked between The rest of One Direction and Zayn a couple times  just as Lucas,Xavier and co., Maria and Marques. Marques clapped his hands making my attention to snap to him. "Ahh great! You have all met. Good then no need for introductions." I took a deep breath and rubbed my temples. "Marques...." He looked at me then took a step backwards at my potent evil annoyed aura. "My your shaking in your boots. I just have a simple question." I slowly started to walk toward him deadly but calmly. He tried to hide behind his wife but she moved to the side. "Marques... WHAT IN THE ACTUAL LIVING THE FUCK IS ONE DIRECTION DOING HERE! YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE BAND." Harry smirked. "Oh are you cannot. If so I would love to give you an autograph and maybe even a date." I laughed humorlessly. Andre laughed too. " Sorry to disappoint but we kinda ..."Me and Andre shared a look and finished the sentence together. "Hate your guts." The boys blinked as if this is a first. Smirked at Harry. " One thing I absolutely hate about you guys is your songs. I mean seriously. Do you guys have one song that is not cliche'? 'What Makes You Beautiful'?" I scoffed. Andre gagged. "More like 'What Makes Me Gag'" I agreed. "Besides I know what makes me beautiful. And it is definitely not a song sung by five boys who don't even know what love is well. Beside Louis and Liam. I hate you all. I hate them the least." Andre nodded. " I still don't like them here. Alpha I don't want them here." Alpha Marques sighed. "I know girls just ignore them okay." I snorted. "As long as they keep their distance I am good. How long are they staying here anyway?" Marques cleared his throat and mumbled something. " What was that Marques?" "Aksjshdjsyjs" "Marques..." "Okay okay. They are staying a year." Andre and I groaned. "Great another group of stupid stuck up jackass players." Andre agreed "Yea. Come on Zane lets go. " Andre walked away with Zane following behind her like a lost puppy. I sighed,sent the news boys a look of disgust and walked away. I was walking down the hall when suddenly I was pulled into a dark room. Oh come on. Not again. "What the FUCK." I immediately pulled my arm back for a punched but a warm hand caught it. I gasped. Singles and shocks ran down my arm down my body to my core. I moan in the pleasure.  An equally warm body pressed up against me and I shuddered in the pleasure. I could feel the  his  band against my stomach. Shocks assaulted my body and  his  scent enveloped my senses. My breathing raced as his nose ran down my neck to the spot where my mate will mark me.  His  knee came up between my legs to press into my core. I moaned in pleasure and frustration. "You are playing with fire Damian." "If I get burned will you kiss it?" I leaned forward and nipped Damian's ear. Licking around the shell earning a groan to escape from his plump lips. "I will do that and  so much more.  You aren't ready for that." I leaned back and allowed my eyes to adjust to the dark. I could see him breathing really hard. Damian backed up a bit to allow me space to slide down. I slid down alright. The whole time I made sure to keep my body close so I rubbed thoroughly against his.  Just as my feet touched the ground , Damian pulled my head back and attacked my neck. My eyes rolled to the back of my head in pleasure. "Damian..." Damian pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine. Ours eyes met and love shone from his eyes. I smiled genuinely. He did too. But just quickly as it came it went. He stepped back and turned his back towards me. I sighed. I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Damian. We need to talk." Silence met my plea.  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Damian. In order for us to have a conversation we need to communicate." And I get nothing. "Damian I know you have every right to be angry at me. But could you please consider my feelings too." "Why should I when you didn't consider mine? Check I didn't even exist until a day ago. All you cared cared about was Xavier. Even  afte r he broke your heart." He started facing as he spoke. Now we were face to face. "I would do the same thing with you. If you broke my heart I would still love you because we are  mates. " "He isn't your mat-" "You don't think I don't know that?! And to know that you were suffering and I did nothing about it. That I fell for a stupid spell and believed it. Not knowing that the real magic was always there.  Damian I know you you were hurt.  Are  hurt. But your pain and mine is one in the same." A tear rolled down his cheek as he bent his head down. "But do you know how it feels to watch someone take the one you love. And to watch your love love them and look at them they way you wished your love would look at you." It was like a shadow cast over his face. He slowly raised his head and his eyes glared at me. I gasped. Then growled. "You bitch." DAmian laughed or should i say my bitchy aunt laughed. THis is the person who ruined my life and now she is controlling my mate! "It's kinda ironic that you would be the one calling me a bitch." I groan in annoyance at the female dog joke. I rolled my eyes. "You know have you forgotten. I am 25% of a bitch. You are 100% bitch when it comes to personality. I think I know why Constantine chose my mum over you. My mum is much prettier than you on the  inside  and  o ut. " She growled. She lifted Damian's arm.  She brought his other hand and made his claws come out. My eyes widenned and I immediately tackled Damian's body. I pinned both of his hands the floor. DAmian's no my aunt's green eyes flashed at me. Fangs protrudded Damian's mouth and a roar erupted. I slammed harder and growled louder . My fangs coming out from the bottom and top. the teeth bettween my canines on the top and bottom sharpened to mini canines. In the back of my mouth where my molers where sharpened to half moler half canine. With my mouth wide I roared in dominance.I felt my power rise again. My eyes never left those florescent green. "Get out of my mate's body this  instant.Or  so help me good I will reach into his body and yank you out myself. I forbid you access to  nvade anyone's  body. If you dare disobey me, you will be stripped of your powers and turned into a human. You will also look you age. No leave the body  NOW!!! " Her scream echoed throughout the house. I felt her stuggle so I pushed down and tried to think of a away to stop her. Then words as if carried by the wind came to me. "et  obedieris mandatis constitui sequi ! adsuetum iam  non  sunt solum amo aeternitatis deserere suos extendit  ad  dilectionem quamdiu ,  quamdiu  est in  aeternum amabo aberit " "You will obey me and follow the commandments i have  established.You  will no longer haunt the ones i love leave my loved ones alone for eternity for as long as my love extends to them is as long as you will stay away i will love them forever!"in Latin. ;)  Her scream abruptly stopped and I watched as literally the green of her eyes and soul separated from his stormy ones. I smiled as Damian blinked and stared at me. His face sudennly broke out in a smile and he wrapped my up in his arms and rolled over. He sat up and I pulled away to look in his eyes. Damian reached up and cupped my face. "That's all I needed to know." I looked up in confusion. "AllI needed to know was that you loved me."   Chapter 30 Chapter 29 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/ N:FOR  THE RECORD BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF THE CONFUSION.  ANDRE  IS A GIRL. I PICTURE HER AS  ZENDAYA  OKAY PEOPLE.  ANDRE  IS A GIRL IN THIS STORY. THIS IS MY STORY AND I WANTED SOMETHING TO GRAB YOUR ATTENTION. NOW WHAT  DOESN'T  GRAB YOUR ATTENTION MORE THAN A BLACK GIRL WITH A PREDOMINANTLY  HISPANIC  BOY NAME(not racist I am part BLACK with some  HISPANIC  +Indian in me. it is faint though) Anywhore  please understand Andre is a GIRL! I repeat Andre IS A GIRL! You can Carry on reading. I blinked again. Then abruptly stood up and pushed Zayn away. I looked between The rest of One Direction and Zayn a couple times  just as Lucas,Xavier and co., Maria and Marques. Marques clapped his hands making my attention to snap to him. "Ahh great! You have all met. Good then no need for introductions." I took a deep breath and rubbed my temples. "Marques...." He looked at me then took a step backwards at my potent evil annoyed aura. "My your shaking in your boots. I just have a simple question." I slowly started to walk toward him deadly but calmly. He tried to hide behind his wife but she moved to the side. "Marques... WHAT IN THE ACTUAL LIVING THE FUCK IS ONE DIRECTION DOING HERE! YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE BAND." Harry smirked. "Oh are you cannot. If so I would love to give you an autograph and maybe even a date." I laughed humorlessly. Andre laughed too. " Sorry to disappoint but we kinda ..."Me and Andre shared a look and finished the sentence together. "Hate your guts." The boys blinked as if this is a first. Smirked at Harry. " One thing I absolutely hate about you guys is your songs. I mean seriously. Do you guys have one song that is not cliche'? 'What Makes You Beautiful'?" I scoffed. Andre gagged. "More like 'What Makes Me Gag'" I agreed. "Besides I know what makes me beautiful. And it is definitely not a song sung by five boys who don't even know what love is well. Beside Louis and Liam. I hate you all. I hate them the least." Andre nodded. " I still don't like them here. Alpha I don't want them here." Alpha Marques sighed. "I know girls just ignore them okay." I snorted. "As long as they keep their distance I am good. How long are they staying here anyway?" Marques cleared his throat and mumbled something. " What was that Marques?" "Aksjshdjsyjs" "Marques..." "Okay okay. They are staying a year." Andre and I groaned. "Great another group of stupid stuck up jackass players." Andre agreed "Yea. Come on Zane lets go. " Andre walked away with Zane following behind her like a lost puppy. I sighed,sent the news boys a look of disgust and walked away. I was walking down the hall when suddenly I was pulled into a dark room. Oh come on. Not again. "What the FUCK." I immediately pulled my arm back for a punched but a warm hand caught it. I gasped. Singles and shocks ran down my arm down my body to my core. I moan in the pleasure.  An equally warm body pressed up against me and I shuddered in the pleasure. I could feel the  his  band against my stomach. Shocks assaulted my body and  his  scent enveloped my senses. My breathing raced as his nose ran down my neck to the spot where my mate will mark me.  His  knee came up between my legs to press into my core. I moaned in pleasure and frustration. "You are playing with fire Damian." "If I get burned will you kiss it?" I leaned forward and nipped Damian's ear. Licking around the shell earning a groan to escape from his plump lips. "I will do that and  so much more.  You aren't ready for that." I leaned back and allowed my eyes to adjust to the dark. I could see him breathing really hard. Damian backed up a bit to allow me space to slide down. I slid down alright. The whole time I made sure to keep my body close so I rubbed thoroughly against his.  Just as my feet touched the ground , Damian pulled my head back and attacked my neck. My eyes rolled to the back of my head in pleasure. "Damian..." Damian pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine. Ours eyes met and love shone from his eyes. I smiled genuinely. He did too. But just quickly as it came it went. He stepped back and turned his back towards me. I sighed. I knew exactly what he was thinking. "Damian. We need to talk." Silence met my plea.  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Damian. In order for us to have a conversation we need to communicate." And I get nothing. "Damian I know you have every right to be angry at me. But could you please consider my feelings too." "Why should I when you didn't consider mine? Check I didn't even exist until a day ago. All you cared cared about was Xavier. Even  afte r he broke your heart." He started facing as he spoke. Now we were face to face. "I would do the same thing with you. If you broke my heart I would still love you because we are  mates. " "He isn't your mat-" "You don't think I don't know that?! And to know that you were suffering and I did nothing about it. That I fell for a stupid spell and believed it. Not knowing that the real magic was always there.  Damian I know you you were hurt.  Are  hurt. But your pain and mine is one in the same." A tear rolled down his cheek as he bent his head down. "But do you know how it feels to watch someone take the one you love. And to watch your love love them and look at them they way you wished your love would look at you." It was like a shadow cast over his face. He slowly raised his head and his eyes glared at me. I gasped. Then growled. "You bitch." DAmian laughed or should i say my bitchy aunt laughed. THis is the person who ruined my life and now she is controlling my mate! "It's kinda ironic that you would be the one calling me a bitch." I groan in annoyance at the female dog joke. I rolled my eyes. "You know have you forgotten. I am 25% of a bitch. You are 100% bitch when it comes to personality. I think I know why Constantine chose my mum over you. My mum is much prettier than you on the  inside  and  o ut. " She growled. She lifted Damian's arm.  She brought his other hand and made his claws come out. My eyes widenned and I immediately tackled Damian's body. I pinned both of his hands the floor. DAmian's no my aunt's green eyes flashed at me. Fangs protrudded Damian's mouth and a roar erupted. I slammed harder and growled louder . My fangs coming out from the bottom and top. the teeth bettween my canines on the top and bottom sharpened to mini canines. In the back of my mouth where my molers where sharpened to half moler half canine. With my mouth wide I roared in dominance.I felt my power rise again. My eyes never left those florescent green. "Get out of my mate's body this  instant.Or  so help me good I will reach into his body and yank you out myself. I forbid you access to  nvade anyone's  body. If you dare disobey me, you will be stripped of your powers and turned into a human. You will also look you age. No leave the body  NOW!!! " Her scream echoed throughout the house. I felt her stuggle so I pushed down and tried to think of a away to stop her. Then words as if carried by the wind came to me. "et  obedieris mandatis constitui sequi ! adsuetum iam  non  sunt solum amo aeternitatis deserere suos extendit  ad  dilectionem quamdiu ,  quamdiu  est in  aeternum amabo aberit " "You will obey me and follow the commandments i have  established.You  will no longer haunt the ones i love leave my loved ones alone for eternity for as long as my love extends to them is as long as you will stay away i will love them forever!"in Latin. ;)  Her scream abruptly stopped and I watched as literally the green of her eyes and soul separated from his stormy ones. I smiled as Damian blinked and stared at me. His face sudennly broke out in a smile and he wrapped my up in his arms and rolled over. He sat up and I pulled away to look in his eyes. Damian reached up and cupped my face. "That's all I needed to know." I looked up in confusion. "AllI needed to know was that you loved me."   Chapter 31 Chapter 31 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I sat next to Damian at the table. My back rigid as my mind processed Zayn's words. 'there is a traitor amongst  you...' My eyes flashed to said group and narrowed my eyes before looking around the table at my family.  'there is a traitor amongst  you...' My eyes zeroed in on everyone's faces. All the faces I came to trust and love. All the people I thought to be family. People I would lay down my life for. People I would do anything for. People who I trust my deepest fears and secrets to. But amongst us is wolf in sheeps clothing. But if there is a traitor then who could it be? Who would sit here and pretend for so long? Most of them didn't even know I  exsisted  until- My thoughts were interrupted by a warm calloused hand rubbing my thigh. I look down causously before following the hand to an arm to shoulder to a face. Not just any face. My mate's face. His blue eyesglacing at me worriedly from the side. I felt him enter my mind. 'Are you okay?' I nodded and placed my hand ontop of his. Rubbing the top of it. 'I'm fine. Just thinking that's all.' He smiled sadly at me. 'Gotta lot on your mind. Especially with the wicked bitch of an aunt.' I chuckled lowly. 'You sure have a way with words...and you know how to cheer a girl up.' He started rubbing my thigh higher. Closer to my core. Shocks excited me as my gasp was barely audible. He put his lips to my ear. 'I have other ways of making you smile.' I reached over and patted his inner thigh affectionately. 'I'm sure you do. But it would be better to wait till behind closed doors because right now  infront  everyone isn't the best time. Especially when they are all gawking at us... ' Damian looked up at everyone and raised a brow when he noted that everyone was indeed looking at us.  'You are no fun.' 'Well we wouldn't want to put on a show for them now would we.' I raised an eyebrow. He shrugs indifferently. I elbowed him hard in the ribs. 'I have no problem as long as they don't touch.' He moves his hand closer to my hip and to the inside of my thigh. Then he teasingly squeezes. I winked at him then sat back. 'Trust me once you see this you can't help  but  touch.' I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms and legs. I allowed my light pink with reddish tent for the bottom of my small plump top and bottom lips to take on their natural pout. My dress rode up my thigh a little. my arms pushed up my chest a bit. Even though I have hardly any chest, surprisingly I had all the unmated guys attention. And guess who that includes. Yes even One Direction. I smirked and winked Harry who in turn licked his own lips. He signed me. Call  me. I leaned forward and made a 'come hither' gesture. He immediately leaned forward. People watching leaned forward as well. My lips touched Harry's ear as I whispered. "How 'bout..." I reached as fast as lightning and grabbed his ear and slammed his face into the stone hard granite table. Andre and Aearel stood next to me as we said the next words together. "Never in a million years-" "You filthy-" Aearel growled. "Son of a-"Andre continued. "BITCH!!!" We all yelled in unison. I quickly leaned his head back and slammed it back on the table before resuming my seat. I gave Aearel and Andre a fist bump before they resumed their seat as well next to their mates. And both brothers eyes where pitch black with need. Zane stood just as Andre sat down and to prevent her from getting settled , he grabbed her forearm gently but firmly and made her resume her previese position."May we excuse ourselves? My mate and I have some things we need to discuss." Luna Maria nodded and Zane hurriedly ushered Andre out. Sol following his brother's actions stood with his own mate.  "May we be excused as well? It is urgent." Luna raised a brow at me and I held my hands up in defense. Maria sighed. "Tell your brother not to trash his room. And keep it down. That goes for the two of you as well.  No one  wants to hear  that  trust me ." All of our jaws dropped well not mine. But I was taken aback. Aearel's cheeks burned like a wild fire and it spread to Sol's as well. He nodded. "Yes Luna." And they practicly ran from the embarassing situation. I giggled absentmindedly at the thought.  Everyone else just out right laughed. Maria snorted. "I don't know what you are laughing about. You are just as loud and obnoxious!" We were all silenced. But a smile still remained on my face. Damian's hand found mine under the table and I smiled at him. 'I am so happy you are mine.' Damian opened his mouth to speak but I placed my finger lightly on his lips. Don't worry 'bout saying it back. I already know.' He playfully nipped at my finger. 'Baby you don't know the half of it.' After our nice filling supper I layed in the bed with the mate of my dreams. Damian's chest slowly rises and falls and I can't help but admire him. All of him. His strength, his heart and his beauty from the inside out. The way he was still my friend and stayed strong waiting for me while I was currently under my aunt's wicked influence. Unable to fall asleep I rise out of bed quietly in a attempt not to wake Damian. My feet padded against the mahagony flooring all the way to the balcony. My mind was racing from today's info. And Zayn's words. With the moon shining bright high above me I thought everything though.  'There is a traitor amongst you.' An that brought me back to the fact that I would have to sneak away. I need to fight this battle alone. I refuse to put anyone else in harms way. And if I have to leave them to keep them safe. No matter how long I will succeed. This bitch needs to  die . "Sephy?" I turned around only to be greeted with a sleepy looking Damian. I smiled at him. He yawned. "What are you doing out here? You'll catch a cold. Come back inside. Back to bed." I smiled at his concern. "Aplogizes. I couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind." Damian sighed and rubbed my back  slowly leading me to the bed. "I know with all that you found out today. And all this stuff that happened is understandable. But be careful. You may have a headache from thinking too much afterwards." I hmphed. Then I felt the headache coming on. "Yeah shush. No talking. My head hurts. No comments what-so-ever from you." He chuckled and picked my up bridal style.  "Okay my princess. I shall carry you to bed, m'lady. And sleep. I promise you that when you get up , you will feel better. We will also talk about this today later. Kk."He kissed my forehead."Just go to sleep for now." I smiled sleepily.  I felt him lay behind me and wrap me up in his arms. He whispered sweet nothings into my hair to sooth me. I sighed and even though I was calm my mind wasn't. ANd my last thought before the numbing darkness we call sleep was, "There is a traitor amongst you." Editing: Taylor Murphy Publication Date: January 17th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-md62330f9750615

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-alyza-the-sadistic-seven/

Alyza The Sadistic Seven The Sadistic Seven 1 I turned in time to see the double door entrance of the school burst open with a loud bang, the light blinded me momentarily. Blinking rapidly, I saw seven figures, glowing from the sun. Everyone turned to stare. Some gasping, others looked terrified. The boys swoon while the girl had fright in there eyes. The figures stepped into the school, away from the sun. Seven girls stood at the entrance, slight smirks on their faces, but they weren't nice smirks. The girls started walking, making everybody stand against the lockers to make room for them. They all had blonde hair and blue eyes. Some light blue, some bright, and one with dark blue eyes. All of them were unbelievably gorgeous. Like, they just came from a modeling shoot. All the girls' eyes roamed over the crowd, assessing us. The one in the middle that seemed to be the 'leader' met my eyes. Her eyes sparkled with evil mischief. Slowly, her pink lips rose into a smile and she nodded at me. People around me gasped as she acknowledged me. The leader winked at me, smirking. The clacking of their heels sounded after they turned the corner. "Yasmin Astre...just nodded at you." My sister, Elisa, said calmly, looking like she was about to have a heart attack "Yeah. Who are they? Everybody seemed scared of them." I frowned before shrugging it off "That, my dear, is for another time. We must get to class." Elisa hooked arms with me and dragged me off the class. "So, you're not going to tell me who they are?" I asked Elisa as she pulled me into Art "It doesn't matter. Just don't talk to them or look them in the eye and you’ll be fine." Elisa muttered as she sat down in the middle isle I sat down beside her, "Why was everyone scared of them, Elisa?" Just as Elisa was about to answer, they walked in. The girls. All seven of them. All eyes followed them as they walked to the back of the class. They sat down silently and looked to the front of the class. Yasmin Astre looked at me, her eyes roaming over my face before looking to her left, whispering to the girl beside her. The girl looked at me and shrugged, looking away. "Who are they?" I asked insistently "The one who nodded at you is Yasmin Astre, the leader. Number one bitch. The girl to her left is Remmington Astre, second in command she's not as mean as the rest. The girl to Yasmin's right is Skylar Astre, third in command. Just as bitchy as Yasmin. The girl next to Skylar is Claire Astre, she's so mean! She doesn't talk to anyone but her sisters. The one to the left of Remmington is Naomi Astre, she's such a snob. "The girl next to Claire is Arabella Astre, she's sort of nice. She's a gentle person. Now, the girl beside Naomi is Zaria Astre she's the nicest one even though all of them are evil." Elisa took a deep breath and smiled at me before glaring, "Don't talk to them. They're evil. Sadistic." Rolling my eyes, I looked away from the girls and to my sister. "That's ridiculous! Have you ever even talked to them?" "Yes! Well, tried. Claire pushed me and I fell to the ground. They just walked away, not even sparing little ole' me a glanced." She sniffed pathetically "Mmmm." Was all I said as I looked back at the girls Now, all of them were looking at me. Frowning, I looked away. The bell rang and our teacher bounced into the room, grinning. This lady looks like a serial killer! Her eyes were wide, her smile looked like a psychotic one. Damn! She better lay off them pills. "Hello, class! Today we're going to paint anything that comes to out mind. A person, place, things, dog, cat, person, COUCH!" She screamed the last part, laughing manically I looked at her weirdly. Elisa nudged me, "Stop that." Looking over at Elisa, I shot her a look. "This teacher's on crack." "Shut up! She can hear you!" Elisa hissed loudly "Something you guys would like to talk about?" The teacher bounced over to us, still grinning "No, Ma'am." Elisa said politely as I scoffed "You on crack?" I asked bluntly The class chuckled and Elisa punched my arm. I glared at her, "Don't do it again." "No! Why would you think that?!" The teacher asked with wide eyes as she frantically wringed her hands together "Oh, no reason." I said sarcastically as I grabbed a paint brush and twirled it around in my hand The teacher nodded her head fast and ran away, to bother another student. "What're you going to draw, Faith?" Elisa asked me, standing up I stood up, "Chace Crawford." Elisa smirked, "Of course. You're like obsessed with him." "Not obsessed!" I glared We started walking over to the paint table, passing the seven girls. Their eyes followed me as I walked passed. "They keep looking at you." Elisa whispered "Thanks, Captain Obvious." I chuckled and grabbed my paint Brown, blue, black, tan, and white. Elisa grabbed green, brown, yellow, and blue. I think she's drawing the outdoors. We walked back to our seat, once again passing the seven. I could feel their eyes burning holes into my back. Turning, my eyes met Yasmin's and her light blue eyes twinkled with amusement. I eyed her for a minute before looking at Remmington. Remmington's lips curved into a small smile before she got up, walking to the paint table. Then, they all got up to get paint, except Yasmin who was looking at her nails. Yasmin's eyes rose up to mine, her eyes taunting me. Taunting me to talk to her. Arching a brow, I looked away and started painting. When I was finished, Elisa scoffed. "That doesn't look like Chace Crawford to me!" I blinked and leaned back, out of my little world. Looking at my painting, I frowned. It was a picture of...Yasmin. I looked back at Yasmin and saw her smirking at me. She put her hand over my heart and mouthed, 'So sweet'. My eyes narrowed slightly as I looked back at my painting. I could've sworn I was painting Chace Crawford. Elisa shook her, "She's gotten to you." "Nobody's gotten to me." I snapped angrily Why the hell would I paint Yasmin? "Sure." Elisa muttered, going to back to paint her grass Rolling my eyes, I stood up and went to the sink, washing the paint brushes out. Arabella Astre walked up beside me silently and began washing her brushes out, too. "What's your name?" Her voice was soft and velvety "Faith Mackenzie. You?" I asked, already knowing her name She laughed lightly, "I'm sure you already know. Elisa has quiet the mouth. She needs to learn how to whisper." Her voice grew slightly hard at the end "Yeah, sorry for her. She speaks bad about everyone." I lied, defending Elisa Arabella's bright blue eyes met mine as she smiled softly, "No need to lie, Faith Mackenzie. We will always know when you lie." Then, she walked away. What. The. Hell? The Sadistic Seven 2 The rest of art was very awkward. Ever since Arabella told me they would always know when I was lying, I was very uncomfortable. Elisa and I walked out of class together, at a calm pace. "What did Arabella say to you?" Elisa asked curiously "That they'll always know when I'm lying." I muttered, glaring ahead of me "That they'll always know when you're lying? That's creepy." Elisa shiver and grimaced "I know." I sighed and walked into the library I have study hall right know. Don't see how I need it seeing as I'm new and I've only had one class. I sat down at one of the circle table and pulled out my ipod, plugging my earphones in before putting them in my ear. Lyfe Jennings 'Must be nice' blared, making me wince and quickly turn it down. I drummed my fingers to the beat and mouthed the words. Suddenly, my music stopped. I looked down and saw that it still said it was playing. Frowning, I check my earphones. Someone sat down across from me and I looked up, my eyes landed on Yasmin. "Hi...?" I frowned and looked back at my ipod My ipod went flying in the air, into Yasmin's hand. She examined it, "Something wrong?" The tone of her voice made me thing she had something to do with it "Nope. May I have my ipod back? Please." I tacked on the please, smiling sweetly "Sure." Her voice was sweet, gentle but with an edge to it She handed it back to me, a Mona Lisa smile on her face. Yasmin's eyes squinted a little as she looked at my eyes. "Blue or green?" She asked "Both." I answered shortly "Mmmm." She hummed before chuckling, "Do you not like me, Faith Mackenzie?" I shrugged, "I don't know you." "Ah." She nodded, "I would've though your sister, Elisa, would have told you everything about me down to the birthmark on my thigh." She laughed lightly, flicking her blonde hair away from her face "Elisa didn't tell me everything." I stated, "Don't really care to know everything about you." I lied, wanting to know everything about the seven girls and why everyone was scared of them "You're lying." She stated, blinking at me. "You want to know everything. Everything about my sisters and I. The question is, Faith Mackenzie. Do you really want to know everything ?" I blinked, "No, not everything . Just why everyone is terrified in your guys' presence? How you will always know I'm lying? Why you guys always stare at me? You choose." Yasmin smiled, "For your second question, we just know. For your third, because we can." "My first?" I asked Smirking, she stood up and pushed her chair in. She pulled her pink long-sleeve shirt down, covering her stomach again. Turning around, she started walking away. "Hey! What about my first question?" I called after her Yasmin stopped and turned towards me, her smirk widening. "We are, the sadistic seven." The Sadistic Seven 3 Glaring at her back, I stood up, shoved my ipod in my bag and walked after Yasmin. I pushed the library door open and saw her walking down the hall, more like strutting. Her black heels clacking against the ground, echoing. She rounded the corner and I ran quietly until I went around the corner and saw her turning another corner. I ran until I was close enough again without her noticing. Yasmin suddenly stopped and I was shoved against the wall. My head turned to her to see her smirking at me from her spot ahead of me. "Why are you following me?" She asked, walking over to me "The sadistic seven, like, evil?" I panted "Sure. Whatever you want to call it." She waved her hand dismissively "So, you guys are evil?" I asked, trying to get down "Don't try to get free. It will only hurt you." Yasmin smirked and I went even higher up the wall "Are you doing this?" I glared "Yes." She smiled, her light blue eyes laughing at me. "Pathetic human." My eyes narrowed as she said that, "Learn to not follow strangers, 'kay? You never know when they'll attack." Yasmin laughed evil as I fell to the ground, gasping. She walked away, still laughing. "Good bye, Faith Mackenzie." She sang I stood up and brushed off my black shorts, walking away. Elisa was suddenly in front of me, "Why were you following Yasmin Astre?!" "I needed answers." I said simply, pushing passed her "Answers to what?!" Elisa shrieked, a wild look in her eyes "To questions." I said slowly, getting freaked out by her I haven't seen my sister in two years. Two years ago, my mom and dad sent me to a boarding school because I was a 'bad influence' to Elisa. My parents are idiots. Elisa has changed quite a bit. She's more mature mentally and physically. Her body's developed. I'm surprised all the guys are not after her, she has the same blue eyes and black hair as me. She's a little shorter but you can hardly notice unless you actually look. "So, how was life in boarding school?" Elisa asked quietly She blames herself for me having to leave. "Isa, it's not your fault. Mom and Dad are just douches. I was pretty bad back then, I don't blame you at all." I pulled her into a tight hug She laid her head on my shoulder, sniffling. "I'm sorry. I made you leave." "You didn't make me do anything, Isa. I'm back! Be happy!" I laughed and pulled back, wiping her tears off Elisa laughed and wiped under her eyes, making sure her eyeliner didn't run. "Yeah, I'm glad you're back. Two years! We have so much to catch up on. So, any hot guys at that school?" "Yes! Dude, you don't even know. Bad boys are so hot!" I groaned in appreciation as I remembered Lucas, the bad boy at my old school "Who?!" Elisa asked excitedly "Lucas Mann. Number uno bad boy at my old school. Short cut hair, bright, bright, green eyes. Strong jaw, that I loved to kiss-" Elisa cut me off, squealing "You dated him?!" "Yes, I did." I smirked "Dude! Do you have a picture?!" Elisa grinned "Yeah." I pulled my phone out and went to my pictures I handed Elisa my phone and she squealed loudly, "Oh mah gursh nursh! He's so hot! Sigh. You get all the guys, Faith!" "You could be my twin, shut your face." I laughed and slipped my phone back in my pocket Elisa groaned, "I need a man!" "Whatever! No, you don't." A males voice sounded behind us "Oh, hey, Jordan. This is my sister, Faith. Faith, my bestie, Jordan." Elisa introduce A boy with blonde hair and brown eyes stepped out from behind me, "Hello, Faith." "Hey." I smiled and shifted my bag on my shoulder, "Well, isn't it lunch time?" "Oh, yeah. Sorry, got caught up in your sexy bad boy." Elisa smirked, "Let's go." Jordan, Elisa, and I all walked to the lunch room. Everyone was chatting happily, laughing and joking with their friends. We went to the lunch line and I grabbed a sandwich in a plastic container with a bottle of water. When we all got our food, we walked over to an empty table. "So, you guys are besties?" I smirked and saw Elisa blush while Jordan chuckled "Yes." Elisa whispered, the blush growing Jordan laughed and took a sip of his water, "Yes, we're besties. With benefits." "Jordan! Don't say that!" Elisa blushed madly and slapped his arm, "He's lying. It was one time and just a kiss. I was drunk." "Sure!" Jordan scoffed, glaring a Elisa. "You were totally sober. You don't even drink, Lisa." I watched as Elisa turned bright red and his her face in her arm. "Nothing to be embarrassed about, Isa. I'm your sister." Rolling my eyes, I unwrapped my sandwich Suddenly, the entire cafeteria went silent. You could hear peoples' breaths, that's how quiet it was. Everyone was looking at the doors. Looking over, I rolled my eyes. The 'Sadistic seven' was standing there, with a boy that looked just like them. Same blue eyes and blonde hair as Yasmin. Oh, so now they're the sadistic eight? Hell. Their eyes scanned the cafeteria. Yasmin and the boys' eyes stopped at me, a slight smirk dawned on their lips as they looked away from me. They're creepers! The group went to an empty table and sat down, not looking at anyone but me. Their eyes were trained on me, all of them. All eight. "Dude, they're staring at Faith." Jordan said in a tight voice, "Remember what happened the last time they all stared at Tamara Hill? She moved out of the country." "I know. Why are they staring at her, though?" Elisa asked, worried "I don't know. But Faith looks mad." Jordan muttered quietly Yes, I was mad. Their eyes held a certain look that made me mad. I can't really explain the look but I know that I don't like it. They all looked away except Yasmin and the boy. Their eyes stayed locked on mine, smirks still intact. Clenching my jaw, I looked away and took a bite of my sandwich. Elisa and Jordan were watching me warily. "I have to use the restroom." I stated, standing up. "I'll be back." They nodded, "Okay." Walking away, my eyes met Yasmin's before I looked away and walked out of the cafeteria. I walked down a dark hall, knowing that Yasmin and the boy would follow. Once I heard footsteps behind me, I stopped. "I won't take you and you little 'crew' staring at me. You don't know what I am. Yasmin, you think I'm human. It's actually cute. Your looks don't intimidate me. They don't scare me." I turned around to face them, their blue eyes glowed in the dark. "You don't scare me, Yasmin Astre. I'll let you figure out what I am when I take away all of your powers. You wouldn't like that? Huh?" I smirked, tilting my head to the side Yasmin and the boys' eyes narrowed as they walked closer. I held my hand up and shook my head, "I wouldn't. My barrier can kill you." They looked each other, "What are you?" "A demon's worse nightmare." The Sadistic Seven Cast The Sadistic Seven 4 Yasmin and the boy hissed at me before lunging. I side stepped them, not wanting them dead from my barrier. They stumbled a bit before crouching into a hunting stance. My smirked widened, "You guys really are sadistic." I said as their eyes turned bright red I took my barrier down, smirking. "Come get me." Yasmin growled, "What are you?!" I laughed mockingly, "Wouldn't you like to know?" The boy stepped forward a tried to grabbed me, I stepped away, shaking my head. "Don't." I looked down, away from his blue eyes Suddenly, he grabbed me and shivers went down my spine. "Good job, Cody." Yasmin laughed Lifting my head up, I looked at Cody sadly. "I told you not to touch me." I basically just turned him against his family. Mates won't hurt each other. Mates can't hurt each other or allow anyone else to hurt them. Yasmin reached for me but Cody hissed and pulled me against his chest. Sighing, I leaned my head back and let out a loud groan. "Cody?" Yasmin asked, hurt in her eyes "Do not touch her." Cody said in a deathly calm voice "C-Cody? What are you doing?" Cody shook his head, "Do not hurt her, please, Minnie." I sucked my teeth, "Well, as much FUN this is! I must be going. Good bye." I tried getting free from Cody's grip but he just tightened his arms. After about five minutes I knew I wasn't going to get free. I slumped against him in defeat. "This is so not fair. I'm a girl. You're all muscly and stuff." I huffed in anger, blowing my hair out of my eye Cody laughed, his blue eyes twinkling. His eyes scanned my face, "You're beautiful." "Thanks." I nodded slowly and tried to ease out of his arms Nope. Not happenin'. He won't let go. I shot him a look that he didn't because he was looking at the seething Yasmin. "She's your mate." Yasmin stated in a tight voice "Yes." Cody said awkwardly "This seems like a family matter...I'm just gonna go. Let you two settle this. See ya never!" I grinned enthusiastically and tried to run Damn his strong grip. He doesn't even look that strong but boy is he! Yasmin took a deep breath, "Let her go. Now!" She yelled when Cody snarled "No." He said defiantly Suddenly, the six girls were surrounding us. I groaned and glared at Cody, "Really, dude? You just couldn't let me, huh? You have to do everything the hard way." "Cody, just leave her alone." Arabella sighed "She is mine!" He yelled and the lights went out "Greeeeeat!" I cheered sarcastically, "This just got more fun." "Cody." Yasmin hissed, her eyes red. "Let. Her. Go." "I will not let you hurt her." He said confidently "I won't!" Yasmin screamed in frustration, "Just let her go! She can kill you." "Oh, I won't kill him. Just you. If you touch me, that is." I smiled as the lights came back on The girls all looked at each other, skeptical. Rolling my eyes, I huffed. "I won't hurt you guys, okay?! I'm not like that." "Good, then. Let us go." Remmington said, walking away "Don't talk to us either." Yasmin glared and walked away with the others "That was uncomfortable." I mumbled to myself "Um, yes. Sorry for my sisters', they are just..." He trailed off, looking thoughtful. "Rude." "Mmmm." I hummed, nodding in agreement "What is your name?" Cody asked, finally letting me go "Faith." I answered, walking away Of course he followed! "Last name?" Was that an accent? "Mackenzie." "Nice to meet you, Faith Mackenzie. I am Cody Astre." He smiled and held out his hand I looked at his hand briefly before looking back at his face. "I don't know what you do with that hand." Cody laughed, sending shivers and tinkled through my body. "Nothing gross, love. I promise." "Love, eh?" I asked, blinking slowly "Yes." He smiled, "May I sit with you at your lunch table?" "Mmmmm." I thought about it before nodding, "You may." He grabbed my hand, smiling. "Let us go?" "Sure." I said slowly, "You're very punctual. Most people say 'Let's' not 'Let us'. Just an FYI." "FYI?" He frowned in confusion "..." I stared at him, "For real, Dude. For you information. FYI." I huffed, "You have a lot to learn, my young grasshopper." "I am one hundred years old. Not young at all, my young mate." He smirked and held the cafeteria door open for me "So, you're old?" I asked as we walked over to my table The lunch room had gone quiet again and everyone was staring at us. "Yes but I do not look old. Do I?" He asked me, his brows furrowed "Nope. But ew. My mates an old man." I fake gagged and he grimaced "I am not old." He glared playfully "Sorta are." I smiled sheepishly Cody laughed and pulled my seat out for me. I sat down and he scooted me in before taking a seat next to me. Elisa and Jordan were looking at us, well, more at Cody. "Hello, I am Cody Astre. You are?" He asked Elisa, holding his hand out "E-Elisa Mackenzie." Isa stuttered, placing her hand in Cody's "You are sister, yes?" He asked me I nodded, "Yeah." Cody nodded and looked at Jordan as he pulled his hand out of Elisa's, "What is your name?" "Don't touch my girlfriend." Jordan glared at Cody "Don't touch my girlfriend? That is quite a name." Cody scrunched his face up in confusion "His name is Jordan." Elisa glared at Jordan, "He's jealous." "Of what?" Cody asked, looking up at Elisa "Other guys touching me. Especially sexy ones." Elisa smirked at Jordan and looked him up and down Cody grabbed my hand and looked at Jordan, "Do not fret. I have my...girlfriend already. Faith Mackenzie." "Wow, you work fast." Elisa whispered to me, giving me a thumbs up I laughed, "Whatever!" "Oh..." Jordan nodded sheepishly, "Sorry." "No worries, brother." Cody smiled, "So, you are new here?" He asked me "Yeah. First day." I smiled and grabbed my water with my free hand "Your sister has been here before. Where were you?" "Boarding school for delinquent!" Elisa cracked up laughing, holding her stomach "You were a bad girl?" Cody smirked His smirked made my breath catch in my throat and I shook my head slowly. He leaned closer, "Yes or no, Faith Mackenzie?" "No." I squeaked "Mmmm." He breathed, "Do you always lie?" "Psh! No!" I scoffed, leaning away from him "You are doing it again." He stated, tightening his hand around mine as he leaned closer. "You know my kind can tell when one is lying. Right, Faith Mackenzie?" "Yup!" I nodded frantically, trying to get away. "I know everything about your kind." "Why is that?" He arched a perfect blonde brow I smirked, "For me to know and you to never find out." Suddenly, we were in another dark hallway. Sighing, I rolled my eyes as Cody pushed me against the wall. "How do you know about us?" He asked softly I looked him in the eyes, "Because I do." "But why? You are not even afraid." "Your kind can't hurt me." I scoffed "Why not?" He demanded "I am the Savior." (A/n: I was going to stop here but I was like, 'Eh, what the heck!' I'll just keep going for a little bit more. Back to the story!) "The savior of what?" Cody frowned "Of your kind." I shrugged His blue eyes met mine, "What is going to happen to my kind?" "Ah, ah, ah." I tsked, wagging my finger in his face, "Now, dear Cody, why would I tell you?" "Because my family is in danger." He growled "Oh, I know that. But mine is, too." My voice was soft, soothing "Why are they in danger?" Cody was confused, I could tell he didn't like confusion I laughed, "Not telling." I felt his presence enter my mind and I shrugged, leaning against the wall. He wasn't going to find anything. Cody pulled out of my mind, anger clear on his face. "You know who is putting my kind in danger. Why not just tell me so I can stop them?" "See, now, that's the real question. Not who is going to kill your kind. But why won't I tell you who they are. You're very smart, Cody. I can tell. Trust me when I say this. You will find out why I won't tell you and who is going to make your kind extinct. But will it be to late? That, is all up to you, Cody Zachias Astre." Images: Google All rights reserved. Publication Date: September 16th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-crazy.person

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-j-m-hurley-the-runaway/

J.M. Hurley The Runaway What happens when you can't run anymore? To all of my loving fans, especially: gabby.baby thefallenangel cierralaynee presephonee ruthus7 They've made my stress bearable and I couldn't have done it without them :)(And there's tons more people I could add to that list so if I missed you, I'm sorry) Chapter 1 “Please fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen, we’re beginning to land.” Doreen’s high pitched, peppy voice rang out over the speakers, pulling me out of my slumber and making me jump. “Have a nice nap?” Zane asked from beside me and I gave him a nod. “Yes…You’re quite a comfy pillow,” I replied as I re adjusted my seat belt. “Well, I have to say that’s the first time I’ve been told that,” he said as he ran his fingers lightly through my light blonde hair to untangle it. “Thanks,” I said as I bent over to give him a kiss on the cheek. Before my lips even touched his skin someone behind us broke into a coughing fit, I sighed and leaned back into my seat. “You okay mom?” I called back and I heard Sierra trying to hold back her laughter, unsuccessfully. “Oh yes dear, I’m fine,” she replied, a smug tone to her voice. “Sorry,” I whispered to Zane and he let out a quiet chuckle. “It’s fine Summer, I’m just glad to have you alive and well,” he replied and I looked up at his brilliant blue eyes. “Oh yeah? Well I’m just happy to have you, period,” I challenged and he flashed me one of his blindingly white smiles. “But you always had me,” he said as leaned in and gave the tip of my nose a quick kiss. “Aw aren’t you two just so adorable?” Stephanie called from across the aisle way, “Quick Lance, toss me that paper bag, I think I’m going to hurl!” Lance pretended to be deeply concerned as he tossed her the bag and she pretended to vomit into it. “Oh stop!” Sierra said as she reached forward and ripped the bag out of Stephanie’s small hands. “They are cute and you know it!” she insisted as she gave me a wink. “Oh yes, I agree,” my mom chimed in, “I think they’re quite an adorable couple.” I blushed a deep pink as my friends all burst out into laughter and I pulled out a magazine to hide the embarrassment on my face. Really mom? I thought sarcastically, Why don’t you just team up with Stephanie and you can both make fun of me together? I slumped forward in my chair and Zane put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry, she’s just kidding around,” he whispered as he pulled the magazine down so that I was looking into those beautiful blue eyes that I love so much. “I know, I just forgot what it was like to live with my mom,” I whispered back and he let a soft chuckle escape his lips. “Alright ladies and gentlemen, your flight has now landed. Welcome to Venice, Italy.” Doreen’s loud, high pitched voice rang out over the speakers and I let out a squeal of excitement. “We’re actually here!” I whisper screamed to Zane and he gave me a big smile, one that showed off his adorable dimples. “Excited?” he asked and I gave him an eager nod. “You bet I am! This is actually the first time I’ve left the U.S.,” I said with a big smile as he got up and took our luggage from one of the male attendants. “Well it’s bound to be an adventure,” Zane replied as he tossed one of my bags over his shoulder. “Want me to help?” I asked and he shook his head. “It’s okay, I’ve got it.” I smiled proudly as my mother gave me a wink and smile. As we filed off of the plane I bit my tongue to keep from yelping out in excitement. Sierra linked her thin arm through mine and bent over to whisper, “I heard the scenery here is stunning.” I gave her an eager nod and we happily took to sprinting down the jet’s steps. Once we reached the bottom we both let out gasp of shock. “It’s gorgeous,” I heard Sierra whisper as I looked at our surroundings. The sun was just setting on the horizon, giving the water around us a glistening effect. Buildings lined up to the dozens; everywhere you looked there was a canal. The boats in them were stunning too, each holding their own unique design and carving. There were people all over, in the streets, in the canals, and on the balconies of their homes. Many of them cast smiles in my direction, some even waved. “Like it?” Zane asked from behind me and I nodded my head vigorously. “Alright, take a picture it’ll last longer,” Stephanie called from behind us as Lance hurried out behind her, both of their many luggage bags in his arms. “So where do we go from here?” I asked, ignoring Stephanie’s rude comment and turning to face my mother. “Well, we’ll need to take a taxi to the hotel we’re staying at,” Linda replied and Stephanie let out an exasperated sigh. “Hotel? Taxi? How down grade can we go?” she sulked and Lance patted her shoulder lovingly. “It’s okay, maybe it’ll be one of those 5 star hotels, the ones that have a penthouse for each person,” he said and Stephanie’s eyes lit up at the idea. “Well let’s go,” she replied as she turned and began walking towards the street. “Wait Steph, where are you going?” Zane asked and she turned back around, eyes blazing with annoyance. “What have I told you about calling me ‘Steph’? And, what the hell are you a moron or what? I’m going to catch a taxi for us, keep up Zane!” she said as she scowled at him, Zane’s smile widened and Sierra let giggles escape her lips. “Stephanie, we’re in Italy,” I said as I bit my lip to hold back my laughter. “Wow, no freaking way!” she said sarcastically and my smile widened. “Yes, freaking way, and since we’re in Italy, we take water taxies, they don’t use cars here.” Stephanie’s jaw dropped, “Excuse me? I’m not climbing into some filthy boat just to get to the hotel, and no cars? What kind of place doesn’t have cars?!” she exclaimed and Lance grabbed her hands and steered her back, towards the rest of us. “They use cars, just not a lot, the water canals are used a lot more, waiting for a land taxi would take hours,” Lance said as he waved his hand and a large, bright yellow boat steered itself in our direction. “I can’t get on that” Stephanie stated as her eyes clouded with fear. “Wait! You’re a guardian and you’re afraid of water?” I asked and she flashed her angry eyes up at me. “The term ‘guardian’ doesn’t mean I’m a God! Yes! I’m afraid of water!” she snapped at me, she tried to make her voice sound annoyed but I could hear the distinct fear in her voice. “It’ll be fine, I won’t let go of you till you’re on land again,” Lance promised as he pulled her into his embrace. “How many are boarding?” the driver called and my mom turned around and pointed her finger at each of us, her lips whispering as she counted. “That’ll be six, one way!” she called back then motioned for us to follow her as she hopped down into the boat. Sierra, Zane and I all carefully jumped down into the large yellow boat and took a seat next to my mother, waiting for Lance and Stephanie to follow. “I’m coming,” she announced as she stretched her foot tentatively over the boats ledge then pulled it back quickly. “Lance, you get in first, that way you can help me in.” Lance gave her a quick nod then jumped in and held out his arms. “Just step in carefully, I’ll catch you if you fall,” he said as he gave her a reassuring smile, her face paled. “Okay, I’m going to- AH!” the heel of her Jimmy Cho’s slipped on the slick siding of the boat and she toppled head first into the murky canal water. Everyone nearby gasped, some held back laughter, others showed looks of concern as Zane and Lance rushed over and reached down the side of the boat. Stephanie’s head broke the surface and she began shrieking and flailing her arms wildly. “EW! Help me! Oh my god, oh my god, I’m going to die! Help me!” she screamed as she continued to wave her arms around herself. “Grab my arms, it’s going to be okay,” Lance called down to her as he stretched his arms till they were within her reach. The murky green-brown water around her made slopping sounds as small waves slapped against the boat. She reached up her thin arms and grasped both of Lance’s hands. Zane reached over farther and wrapped his arms around her waist, hoisting her up and over the ledge. Stephanie looked like she could breathe fire. Her normally perfectly styled hair was wet and clinging to her forehead, her mascara and eye liner were running down her face and her one of kind dress was soaked. “You know-” Zane began but she held up a manicured finger. “Don’t talk to me.” She stomped over and sat down away from the rest of us, wringing her hair out and wiping blindly at the black circles under her eyes. I let out a sigh and grabbed my purse, swinging it over my shoulder as I walked over and sat down next to her. “These should help with that,” I said as I put a makeup removing pad in her hand. “Thanks,” she said as she began vigorously rubbing under her eyes. “Want a sweatshirt, you look pretty cold?” she looked up at me with her sad, vulnerable ocean blue eyes. “Just because I’m wet and cold doesn’t mean I’m going to start wearing your clothes, I think I’ve had enough humiliation for one day,” she said and her normal, superior smile returned. “Feeling better?” Lance asked as he tentatively approached us. “No, I just fell into sewage water, of course I’m not feeling better,” she snapped and Lance recoiled. “I’m really sorry that-” “Would you shut-up and come sit next to me?” she said and Lance smiled. “I’d love to,” he replied and I got up to leave them with some alone time. “How is she?” Zane asked as I plopped down next to him. “Well, she’s…Stephanie,” I said and he laughed and gave my forehead a kiss. “It was nice of you to go talk to her,” he whispered into my ear and I giggled nervously as my mother’s gaze zeroed in on us. “Well, I figured if I’d fell into that water, I’d want someone to take out my anger on,” I said and Sierra giggled next to me. “Well that, my friends, is what you call karma,” she said and the three of us burst into laughter. “Do you like Italy?” Sierra asked after we’d gotten a hold on our laughter. “Yes, it’s so beautiful here!” I exclaimed as I looked around at the scenery once more. “I can think of prettier things,” Zane said and Sierra let out a snort. “Nice one,” she said to Zane as she bent down and whispered in my ear, “He’s a keeper.” “I know,” I whispered back, then leaned my head onto Zane’s shoulder, looking up into the bright blue eyes that I love so much. “I never got to thank-you,” I said and he gave me a confused smile. “Thank me for what?” “For rescuing me, silly,” I said as I reached up and gave his lips a short peck. “Any time you need it, I’ll be there,” he said as he stroked my hair lovingly. “I just might take you up on that offer,” I said and the driver blew the horn loudly. “We’ve reached Destination 1; Passengers staying at the Flora Rome Marriott may step off carefully now.” Chapter 2 Zane shot me a smile and I gave his hand a squeeze as we waited patiently to exit the boat. My mother gave the driver a wave and swung her legs over the edge and onto the platform, motioning for us to do the same. Zane jumped out first then locked his arms around my waist and lifted me up and out of the boat. I smiled gratefully as my feet touched the ground and Sierra hopped down next to me. “Think she’s coming?” Sierra whispered in my ear as we both looked back at a statue looking Stephanie. Her thin arms clung to Lance as he stepped out first and gripped her stomach. “It’s okay, on the count of three, okay?” he asked as he gave her a reassuring smile. “One, two…” he tightened his grip and lifted her up then set her gracefully back down. “Is it over yet?” she asked, her eyelids still glued shut. “Yep, you can open your eyes now,” Lance whispered as he planted a romantic kiss on her lips. Stephanie smiled as she fluttered her eye lashes and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Wait, is this where we’re staying?” Sierra asked and for the first time, I turned around and took a look at my new home. To say it was huge, would be an understatement, it made Kyle’s mansion look like a playhouse. The most incredible part of it was the immense detail and age the building itself held. I gasped and gave Zane’s arm a squeeze. “Yes, this is where we’re staying, now follow me,” My mother said as she pushed the heavy wooden door open and walked over to a desk. As I followed my mom in I surveyed the room around us, the walls were decorated heavily with traditional emblems and other artifacts. The floor was mainly wooden but had rugs covering most of it, and it was mostly empty except for a small woman sitting at the desk in front of us. “Hello, we’re the Charard party; may we have our room key?” My mother asked as she dug into her purse then flashed the woman her ID card. “Ah Charard, no chaive needed,” she said as she got up to greet us. My mother’s face turned to confusion as she shook the woman’s hand. “Chaive, do you speak English?” my mother asked and a younger woman stepped out from around the corner. “She speaks some, but not all. I can translate for you,” the woman replied as she shook my mother’s hand and shot us a smile. “I am Jasmine.” My mother smiled and replied, “Well Jasmine, I’m Linda Charard, we need our room key please.” Jasmine’s laugh sounded like wind chimes as she shook her head at my mother. “No, it seems you were booked as a private party, no room key, just a house-like one,” she said as she hand my mom a sturdy looking metal key. “Wait, so we’re the only people staying here?” Stephanie asked and as Jasmine nodded she let out a shriek to match mine as we giggled happily. “You fare il bagno?” The woman at the desk asked and Jasmine gave us an apologetic smile. “No Aggie, you go water the plants,” Jasmine said and the woman nodded and walked out. “My apologies’, that is Agnolla, the owner, she was asking if you wish to bathe,” Jasmine explained and Stephanie snorted. “Show me the freaking way!” She yelled out as she picked her bag up off of Lance’s shoulder. “This way, Miss,” Jasmine said as she walked off down a side hallway, Stephanie right on her heels. “Want to go check out the rooms?” I whispered to Zane and he smiled. “I think your mother might want to check them out with you,” he whispered back and I glanced over to see my mom’s heavy gaze on us. I sighed and gave his lips a quick kiss. “Mom, I’m going to go check out the rooms, okay?” I said and Sierra leapt up from her perch on her luggage. “I’ll go too,” she said as she swung her bags over her shoulder and walked over to my side. “Have fun dear,” My mom called after us as we started up the long staircase. I took the steps two at a time as I raced up the stairwell, the anticipation of seeing my room getting the best of me. I kept running until I reached the door that had SUMMER written across it. I looked over my shoulder and saw SIERRA printed across the door behind me and smiled as I turned the handle and pushed it open. Inside, the room was gorgeous. In the center, the biggest bed I’d ever saw sat royal blankets and all with pillows covering it in rich colors and a canopy draped elegantly over it. I ran over and looked out the window; the view was stunning display of the sunset. “Gorgeous isn’t it?” Zane’s voice startled me and I jumped despite myself. “You scared me!” I scolded him as I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him close to me. “You know what?” he whispered into my ear and I giggled. “What?” I whispered back as I buried my face into his shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered then gave my lips a kiss and I smiled up at him. “I love you too,” I replied and standing on the tips of my toes, I put my arms around his neck and pulled myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I love you a lot ,” I whispered seductively and he smiled as I blew on his ear then kissed him softly. As I leaned my face closer to his I heard a distinct knock on the door. “Hon, are you in there?” My mother’s voice called through the thick wooden door and my cheeks flushed bright red as Zane carefully helped me back to the ground and I pulled my dress back into place. “Yeah I’m in here mom,” I called to her as I motioned for Zane to hide. He nodded and quickly stepped into my huge walk-in closet. “Just wondering how you like your room, Sierra was quite impressed with hers,” Linda said as she walked in and set down a suitcase. “Yeah it’s great,” I replied as I went over and sat down onto the oversized bed. “So…when did you meet Mr. VanLouge, he’s quite a charmer,” she said and I let out an embarrassed sigh. “Can we not talk about this…ever?” I asked and she chuckled and clucked her tongue at me. “No, but we can talk later, after you’ve unpacked,” she said then turning towards the door added, “And I haven’t forgotten about tomorrow, dear.” She smiled and walked out, shutting the door behind her. “Tomorrow, what’s tomorrow?” Zane asked I blushed as he sat down next to me. “It’s my birthday, I’m turning 18,” I replied and his smile widened. “18’s a pretty big number…We’ll have to do something extra special,” he replied and I giggled. “I’d rather just spend some alone time with you,” I whispered and he hopped up off of the bed before I could kiss him. “Nope, no alone time, at least not during the day, you’re turning 18, it’s got to be memorable,” he replied and I could practically see the gears turning in his head. “Alrighty then, but if I get a wish, I’m wishing for me and you,” I said joyfully as I lightly pushed him towards the door. “You’re kicking me out already?” he asked and I sighed. “Yep, sorry, but if the birthday girl is expected to look nice, she needs her beauty sleep.” He gave me a full on dimples and all smile then turned and opened the door, giving me one last look before shutting it behind him. I sighed and flopped backwards, my head hitting the soft cushioned fabric of the pillows. “Night Venice,” I whispered to myself then closed my eyes and fell asleep. Chapter 3 Thump! Thump, thump, thump! I turned my head and opened my eyes slightly. “Hello?” I asked in a tentative voice and someone from beside me laughed. “Wake up, Summer.” I sat straight up in a flash, my guard back on. “Viktor, show yourself!” I yelled at the darkness surrounding me and I felt shivers run up and down my spine. “Summer, run!” Alonzo ran up to me and grabbed my arms, dragging me with him as he continued to run. “Wait, what’s happening?” I asked him, my voice tight with fear, “why can’t I leave the dream, why can’t I change the setting!?” My voice was strained with panic as he pulled me off into a side alleyway. “You can’t transport yourself out of all dreams Summer, just some, and right now, he’s trying to kill us.” My already pale face drained of its remaining color as I clung to them. “Please, help me!” I begged him and he smiled. “Don’t worry Summer, we’re leaving this together, just stay quiet and we’ll both be safe,” he whispered back then pulling me down with him, he crouched behind a nearby stairwell. My heart thudded heavily in my chest as Viktor’s footsteps neared but I bit my tongue, and did as I was told. “Summer, Alonzo, I only wish to speak! Now come out!” he commanded and I felt my anger flare up. “Why is he doing this?” I whispered to Alonzo and reached back and covered my mouth with his hand, something I despise greatly, but put up with. I saw Viktor’s legs creep into my view and I was positive he could hear my heart that was beating crazily in my chest. His shoes paused for a moment, making my hold my breath, then he took off running in the direction he’d came from. We waited at least 20 minutes before Alonzo removed his hand and help me up. “Where is your necklace?” Alonzo asked as I brushed gravel off of myself. “It’s in my luggage bag, why?” I asked and he chuckled. “You must wear it Summer, without it, he may overpower you,” he insisted and I glanced back over at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t see you wearing a big pendant, and you’re perfectly fine.” Alonzo laughed quietly pulled up his shirt sleeve to expose a pocket watch clipped around his wrist like a bracelet. “So that’s like my necklace?” I asked and he smiled at me. His tanned hands felt for something on it, then pressed down and it popped open. Instead of the clockwork that I was expecting, a gorgeous gem was present, sparkling beautifully in the moonlight. “Come with me, there is something I’d like to show you now that you aren’t running away,” he said as he grabbed my hand and started off. We walked for awhile until we came up to a beautiful lake, the moonlight bounced off of it, making it shimmer. “It’s beautiful,” I whispered and he smiled. “Yes, I thought so too,” he said and I noticed he had a sad air about him. “Where is this?” I asked and he turned to face me. “It’s in Italy, maybe you’ll visit it,” he said with a smile, but his voice was heavy with sadness. “How do you know about this place?” I asked and then I bit my tongue, my words seemed to make his sadness worse. “I used to live here; it’s a lovely little town, just east of Milan.” I smiled and patted his shoulder, “Well, that means it’s nearby, of course I’ll visit, and it’s the least I can do for you saving me.” He turned away from me and my hand slipped off his shoulder. “Maybe I shouldn’t go?” I asked and he shook his head quickly. “No I want you to go, I’m fine, really,” he assured me and I felt he was convincing himself more than me. “How did you know that I’d find that necklace?” I asked finally, breaking the silence and he turned to face me, confused. “Well, it was stolen from that building just after the dream, I guess I just assumed it’d been you, then when I asked about it, you seemed to think nothing of it,” he explained and I giggled. “I didn’t steal it from Italy! But I suppose I did end up ‘stealing’ it from the Landon’s, I was going to put it back but they weren’t very kind to me,” I said and he looked up at me with confusion. “Weren’t very nice? They’re thief’s!” he said in an outraged tone. “No, their Tanghar,” I said and he gasped. “You were confronted with a family of Tanghar?” he asked and I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “No, I dated the son of Viktor, the man who stalked us tonight, they had me right where they wanted me, even got me to agree to go to his house and ‘meet his parents’,” I finished and Alonzo’s jaw dropped. “How did you make it out?” he asked intrigued. “Well it’s rather a long story-” “I think we have time,” Alonzo said with a smile and I giggled. “Yes, I suppose we do.” As we sat down onto the grass I retold my adventure, reliving the terrible time in my head, at some points he would interject asking things like, ‘No way!’ or ‘That really happened?’ and they made me laugh because I realized his mood was nice and happy again. “So will you be there if I go to visit?” I asked him after I was finished telling my story, his lips frowned at this. “Yes, I suppose I will be,” he said and I smiled. “Good, I’d love for you to meet my friends,” I said as I leaned back onto the grass, he stayed sitting upright, his shoulders rigid. “Have you ever been in love?” I asked suddenly, the words slipping out before I could catch them. “Yes, I do believe I have been in love before,” he said solemnly as he turned to face me once more, “I’m guessing you have also?” I smiled and nodded, “Yes, I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone, so much that I think I’m insane sometimes, without him, I don’t know what I would do,” I said and Alonzo nodded. “Indeed, once we fall in love, we become attached,” he said and I looked up at him. “Wait, do you mean the Livid Children ‘become attached’?” I asked and he laughed. “No Summer, people in general, when you really love someone, and I mean really love, then you are both one, not two, therefore you become attached.” “Oh,” I sighed and Alonzo leaned back and laid down next to me. “The stars are beautiful,” I whispered and he smiled. “Do you make wishes?” he asked and I smiled. “What would I wish for, I’m happy already?” I asked and then thoughts of wishes popped into my head. ‘For mother and father to not get divorced, for the Tanghar to be ended, for everyone I love to finally be happy again,’ I thought silently and then I turned my head to its side so that I was look directly at Alonzo. “Do you ever wish?” I asked and he chuckled. “Sometimes,” was all he replied then I decided to change the subject. “It’s my birthday tomorrow,” I said as my lips curled into a smile, “I’m turning 18!” Alonzo sat up, a smile across his lips. “Happy early birthday Summer, you’re finally an adult,” he said and I frowned. “No, I was considered an adult after I left school for Venice, now I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” Alonzo glanced over at me, “Haven’t you already been doing that?” “Well, I had been doing that, but now that my mom’s traveling with us…let’s just say if my birthday wasn’t tomorrow, I’d go crazy,” I said and then he pulled up his other sleeve, exposing a wrist watch. “Well, congratulations Summer, it’s 2:00, so you’re officially 18!” he exclaimed and I squealed. “Really, I’m actually 18,” I stated and then I jumped up danced around, a confused Alonzo watching me. “Is that your birthday dance?” he asked once I was finished and I shook my head. “No that’s my, I-survived-through-all-of-this-craziness-and-I-actually-turned-18, dance,” I said and he laughed. I sighed and laid back down, my dance having taken all of my energy, I felt exhausted. “We can still sleep here, right?” I asked and he nodded. “Go ahead, I’ll keep an eye out for anyone who might disturb you,” he said and I smiled gratefully. “Thanks, and don’t worry, even if I have to go there today, I’m going to visit here,” I whispered and I felt his hand pat my shoulder. “Thank you Summer, you are an incredible girl.” To this, I smiled and then I closed my eyes. My mind continued to have thoughts race through it, my body protesting, insisting that I should rest. The small lake next to me was making soft slapping noises against the mud next to us and this seemed to calm me, making my thoughts slip away slowly, one by one. Soon, my mind was blank and I was completely relaxed. ‘What the heck’ I thought silently and began to count sheep. My limbs relaxed and by the time I’d counted twenty, I was already drifting away, deep into a dreamless sleep. “Wake up birthday girl!” Linda’s loud voice pulled me out of my slumber and I heard the annoying buzzing of party noise makers as my eyes adjusted to the light. Everyone was gathered around my bed and Sierra was holding out a lit birthday cake. I looked up, confused at them, “This couldn’t have waited until I showered?” I asked and Zane shook his head. “Nope, this is when you’ve officially turned 18, right to the minute,” he replied and I gave him a thankful smile. “Thanks guys!” I exclaimed as I leaned forward and blew out the flickering candles. “Well, you better get dressed; we have a full planned day ahead,” my mom said as she assured everyone out. “Actually, I was wondering if we could do something else instead,” I said and everyone stopped. “Sure, honey, what did you have in mind?” she asked and I smiled. “There’s this little town just off of Milan, I’d really like to visit it,” I replied and Zane’s smile widened. “Sure, if that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do,” he replied then shifting uncomfortably he added, “and you have a call waiting.” “Call waiting?” I asked and Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Both Zane and I have already cussed him out but he still wants to talk to you,” she replied and my heart clenched. “Kyle,” I stated glumly and I turned to look at Jasmine. “I’d appreciate it if you hung up on him and told him I don’t wish to speak to him ever again, but you can add in a few swear words here and there if you wish,” I said sweetly and Jasmine smiled. “Of course, happy birthday,” she said then shuffled out. “Well, I suppose I’ll go shower then we can get going,” I said and Stephanie laughed. “Nope, it’s your birthday so we let you sleep in, but there’s no time for a shower now. Pull your hair up and through some sweats on.” I gaped at them, then, seeing they weren’t changing their minds, grabbed my suitcase and began filing through the clothes. “Fine, no shower, but I’m wearing a dress then,” I said with a smile and Sierra giggled. “What now?” I asked and Stephanie shook her head. “You don’t really think I’d let you go out on your Birthday in sweats, right? Just follow me,” she said and I sighed. We walked down the hall until we came to a bright pink decorated door. “You’ve already decorated it?” I asked and she laughed. “Of course I did! The paint job was horrid,” she said as she opened the door and ushered me inside. “So what are we doing in here?” I asked and she shot me a fake glare. “I’m giving you one of your many birthday presents,” she said as she led me to a large door in the back of her room. “What’s this lead to?” I asked and she clucked her tongue. “My walk-in closet.” I gave her a confused smile as she turned the knob and gave me one last mile before opening it so that I could see inside. “It’s the one at the back,” she said as I poked my head around the door. My eyes searched for the outfit and when they found it, I gasped. “It’s gorgeous, Stephanie!” I exclaimed as I ran into her closet and grabbed the hanger down. “I know,” she said with a proud smile then tapped the watch on her wrist. “Hurry up and put it on, we’re on a schedule.” I smiled back at her and nodded, “Okay.” She shook her head with a smile, and then walked out, shutting the door behind herself. Smiling, I stripped off my pajamas and carefully pulled the dress on over my head. I turned to face myself in her mirror and my smile widened. The dress sparkled blindingly in the light, fitting my every curve perfectly, and complimenting my pale skin wonderfully. I slipped the diamond covered shoes onto my feet and felt a strong sense of happiness. Happy birthday to me , I thought to myself just before the door got flung open again. “Ready to go?” Stephanie asked and I smiled. “Yes,” I replied and as I walked out I felt her gently put something on my head. I shot her a confused glance and went over to look in the mirror. My light blonde hair was pulled back with a sparkling, diamond headband. “Wow, I don’t know what to say,” I said, breathless, and I reached up to touch the gems. Stephanie smiled, satisfied, and then pulled my emerald pendant out of her pocket. “You can’t forget this,” she said she fastened the clasp around my neck. “Now, you’re complete,” she said and I laughed. “Thanks Stephanie,” I said and she rolled her eyes. “You act like I care…” she said with what sounded like forced sarcasim and I sighed, I suppose she’ll never admit we’re friends. “Ready to do?” My mother’s peppy voice called through the door and the corners of my lips turned up in a smile. “Yes,” I replied as she flung open the door and motioned for us to hurry along. “Right this way Birthday girl,” Sierra said as she linked her arm through mine. “You look gorgeous,” Zane whispered into my ear from behind me and I jumped out of surprise. “Why thank-you,” I replied as I turned around and gave him a peck on the lips. “You’ll have to wait until later for your birthday present,” Zane whispered and I giggled nervously. “Okay,” I whispered back and Sierra rolled her eyes. “No more whispering! This is a group activity, be team players you guys,” she said and we all laughed. “Wait!” Stephanie exclaimed, suddenly coming to a halt. “Do we have to take a ‘taxi’?” she asked and Lance looked uncomfortable. “Yes, that’s the only reasonable transportation,” Zane replied and Stephanie glared at him. “Fine, but if I get so much as a drip of water on me, someone is going to die, got it?” she asked and everyone nodded. Stephanie’s stone features finally softened as Lance threw his arms around her slim shoulders, and she began walking again. Once we were outside the sun shone brightly in my eyes, and I was momentarily blinded. I clung closer to Zane as my vision returned slowly. “It’s so bright out,” I heard Sierra whisper and I giggled. “It sure is,” I said, finally able to see again. “You’ll want to go down this street, then take a right,” Jasmines soft voice protruded from behind us, meekly. “If they ask if you, ‘destinazione?’ Answer, Milan, from there, you walk.” I expected Stephanie to protest, but she simple bit her lip and looked away. “Well, let’s go,” I said with a smile and we took off walking down the dirt road. Once we rounded the corner we saw a familiar looking canal with a bright yellow water taxi in it. My mother hopped down into the boat and walked over to where the captain was seated. After a few seconds of talking my mother pulled out some Euro’s and set them in the man’s hand, then motioned for us to climb aboard. Zane hopped in first then turned and helped both Sierra and I into the boat. Landing gracefully, I planted a kiss on his cheek and smiled, “Why thank-you,” I whispered into his ear and he smiled in response. Lance was next to get in, his face was a bit paler than usual as he looked up at Stephanie’s terrified face. “Okay, don’t worry I-” “Stop right there, we aren’t repeating what you said last time!” she snapped then added, “Just catch me!” With that, she took a running start and leapt from the dock into the boat, missing Lance’s arms completely and landing near the waiting seats, her head hitting the cushioned surface. “Are you okay?” Lance asked, rushing over to her side and she lifted her ocean blue eyes to meet his. “Of course I am!” she shouted as she got up and brushed herself off. Lance’s eyebrows rose in question but his mouth stayed planted firmly in a concerned grimace. Stephanie’s glare softened as Lance threw his arm around her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. Her bright red lips curved up in a smile as she giggled and nodded slightly. Linking his arm through hers, Lance pulled her off to the seats in the back of the boat. Zane wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a kiss on the cheek, causing me to blush bright pink. “Happy birthday, Summer,” he whispered and I shook my head in disbelief. “How am I going to make a wish now?” I asked sarcastically and his smiled dropped. “Is there something wrong? Do you not want to go?” he asked and I swallowed the laugh threatening to present itself. “No, of course I want to! I just wish I could spend a little more alone time with you,” I whispered back in the most seductive voice I could muster, wish wasn’t that good because he quickly laughed and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I love you,” he whispered, still laughing at my pathetic attempt at seduction and I rolled my eyes. “I love you too,” sitting down on his lap I wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head down on his shoulder. We stayed like this for awhile, just enjoying ones company but eventually my mother made herself present and I was forced to untangle my arms from around him. Sierra sat unmoving next to us, staring straight ahead at nothing, her eyes in a daze. “You okay?” I asked as I laid a soft, concerned hand down on her shoulder. She flinched at the contact but then gave me an apologetic smile, “Yeah, I’m fine.” She gave me a less then encouraging nod before quickly changing the subject. “So Lance, didn’t you say we’re going to visit a historical war site?” she asked and I rolled my eyes as I remembered how much she hates history. Lance went on to babble about some of the historical sites we were going to visit and though I know it was rude, I tuned him out. I rested my head against Zane’s shoulder and I tried to remember my life before I’d met these four people, before I’d had my first dream, before my life wasn’t normal anymore. It seemed impossible but I’d only stopped being normal a mere 2 months ago. I sighed and reached up to give Zane a kiss then I laid back down. No, I’m not normal anymore, I thought as the boat came to a halt, but if it means I’d lose my friends, I’m not sure I’d want to be. Chapter 5 I felt a warm hand rest itself on my shoulder and I blinked a bit, trying make my fuzzy vision clear itself. “Did I fall asleep?” I asked, startled to find that I couldn’t remember any dream. “No,” Zane whispered as her brushed my pale blonde hair out of my eyes, “you were in a daze.” I let my hair fall forward into my face to hide my rosy cheeks, how long had I been day dreaming? I didn’t have to hide for long because soon enough the boat pulled itself to a halt and everyone around me began exiting. Just like the last time, Zane gracefully lifted me up into his arms and lightly stepped off the ledge, landing softly on the pavement below. Looking up, I saw Stephanie nervously sticking a Bontoni designed green stiletto apprehensively over the ledge. “If I die, it’s on your hands,” she said in a voice that she tried to portray as cold but came across as shaky and anxious. Without another moment to rest, Lance lifted her up by her thin waist and jumped down off the ledge then lifted up a hand to help Sierra climb down. My mother came last, her blonde hair spiraling out behind her as she leapt, her cat like green eyes observing the scene around us, instantly preparing for an attack. “This is where you wanted to come?” she asked and I felt my heart sink as I looked around at the surrounding scenery. The land was barren and ruined, soot and ashes covering parts of the dirt and crumpled buildings lie in the gravel roads. “Maybe you got the directions wrong…” Lance let his voice trail off as Stephanie walked over to stand next to a large sign. Some parts of the black ink scrawled across the front were faded out in places but a map of Italy stood clearly visible and sure enough a bold, singular black dot stood right outside of Milan. “No, we’re here,” I replied as I walked over and ran my fingertips over the sign then pulled them back to stare at the soot present on my fingers. “Kind of a downer birthday party place,” Stephanie said before Sierra quickly elbowed her in the ribcage. “What, it is!?” she exclaimed and I silenced them with look. “Let’s head that way, I think there might be houses there,” I said and headed off, the rest of my friends trailing helplessly behind. Zane rested a hand on my shoulder and bent down to whisper in my ear but I never heard what he had to say because he lost his way of words when we rounded the corner and came up to the largest cemetery I’d ever seen. The tombstones seemed too gone on for miles and each one had delicate designs and Italian script printed across them. There was nothing living in sight except for a young woman hunched over a tombstone. She had beautiful auburn curls that spilled over her shoulders and striking gray eyes that darted about frantically when she heard us approaching. “Who are you? What do you want?” she asked, her voice thick with a Italian accent as she stood up and brushed her dress of. “You speak English?” Stephanie asked and the woman shot her a disbelieving look. “Do I look stupid, no? Do you think you can outwit me with your phrases and slang?” Lance gave the back of Stephanie’s arm a pinch and she refrained from one of her usual snappy remarks but shot the woman a death glare. “I ask what you want, now you answer,” she said, glancing at me with expecting eyes. “I’m looking for Alonzo Monclatzo; he’s a friend of mine.” At this, the woman stared at me hard with scrutinizing eyes, “I think you may have the wrong name,” she said with a start and I shook my head definitely. “No, I’m quite sure that’s his name. Why, do you know him?” I asked and she nodded slowly. “The Monclatzo’s were indeed a legendary family, rich beyond rich, and happy beyond content. They always had the best interest of everyone in mind, which was why they were well liked.” “But where are they now?” Lance asked and the woman’s face became nervous. “Well, they were murdered, and quite horrendously at that. Assassinated they were, by enemy planes. The Tanghar they called themselves, those evils, they dropped fully loaded explosives right on the castles, not even sparing the children. Anyone who survived the bombs were captured and tortured, which is what happened to most of the Monclatzo family.” My body felt numb and I tried to make my mouth work properly as I asked my next question, “And what about Alonzo, what happened to him?” “Well, no one really knows for sure. He could’ve been killed in the bombings, but no remains were found, and he might have also been captured and has surely died by now.” “When did this all happen?” I asked and she smiled at me, her cold demeanor softening into a warmer one. “Don’t you read your history books at all, my dear? It happened just nearly twelve years ago, which would’ve made sir Alonzo just nine years of age at the time, poor dear…” “Summer are you okay, you look pale?” My mother’s voice droned in and out of my ears and I felt the world around start to spin. I was vaguely aware of Zane’s brilliant blue eyes shoot me a concerned glance before my knees went out. Tumbling to the ground, I felt strong arms grab me around the waist and then, I blacked out. *** “Summer, Summer…” I jerked awake, gasping and panting for breath. I was laying outside on a makeshift bed, Zane and I were alone. “What happened?” I asked and Zane gently pulled me close into his warm, comforting embrace. “We were learning about the Monclatzo massacre and you suddenly just lost it,” he whispered and I felt my stomach drop. Yes, that’s what we were learning about, but why would she lie? After all, she was lying…right? Zane gave my forehead a kiss and pulled my chin up so that I was staring into his eyes. “We’ll find out what happened, I promise we will, but you need prepare yourself for it, Summer. You can’t be fainting or getting ill, you’re the more important thing here.” I felt as if I wanted to scream. I hated being the weakest link, the person who everyone needs to look after. In a calm and reserved voice I asked, “Can I see that surprise now?” Zane’s worried look lightened for a bit and I saw his adorable dimples appear. “Of course you can,” he said and the next thing he did took my breath away. He bent down, as in down on one knee, a black velvet ring box in his hand. I felt all the oxygen left in me, leave my body and at first I thought I was going to faint. “Summer Janine Charad, since the first moment I met you, I fell in love. I fell so in love that even just the prospect of someone else having you makes me sick, that whenever I have you in my arms, I have to pinch myself to believe it’s real. That when my lips meet yours, I think that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and no one else I’d rather be with.” At this point, I had to start blinking rapidly to keep from crying, this isn’t happening . Zane took a deep breath and opened the ring box up, exposing a gorgeous ring. For a moment, time seemed to stop, everything that had happened in the past year wasn’t present and the only two people alive were Zane and I. “Will you marry me?” I felt myself nodding before he even got the words out and once he looked up and saw me a huge grin broke across his face and he stood up and scooped me up into his arms. Spinning me around, he kissed me like never before and only stopped to slip the ring onto my finger. I smiled as I stared down at it, “I love you,” I whispered and Zane laughed and gave me a kiss. “I love you too.” This kissing didn’t stop there, it intensified, it grew with a passion and hunger that was insane but eventually he pulled away. “Careful, we don’t want to have the honeymoon before the wedding.” I giggled and felt my cheeks blush; I had been a bit pushy at the end there. Grabbing my hand, Zane and I walked over to where a small building was present and he knocked on the door. “The rest of them are waiting inside,” he explained and the young woman, who Zane now explained was named Aida, came to greet us. “I’m glad to see that you are okay,” she said with a tiny smile as she opened the door wider. “You’re okay!” Sierra exclaimed as she rushed over and gave me a rib cracking hug. “Yeah, I’m fine, really,” I said and my mother walked over and squeezed my shoulder. “We were waiting out there with you, Aida thought the fresh air would help you, but Zane insisted we rest,” my mother’s calm, quiet voice was soothing as I tried to calm my racing heart that kept holding on to what had just happened. “So now we need to talk,” my mother said more strongly, motioning for us to sit down. We both took a seat and my mother gave us all a strong, powerful look. “We will need to start training you all so that you can protect yourself. Stephanie and Zane, you can both help me since you have more experience. But Sierra, Summer, and Lance will need all the training they can get.” I tried to ignore the fact that my mother thought I was weak and gave Zane’s soft hand a squeeze. “Okay Mom, when do we start?” I asked and my mom smiled. “We can start tomorrow, but for now, we need to be on our way,” she replied as she readjusted the large burgundy watch on her wrist. “You can stay here,” Aida offered but Stephanie shook her head quickly. “No, but thanks anyways,” she received angry glares at this. “What? If we don’t arrive back tonight Jasmine might worry!” she tried to make her expression innocent but it came off more as disgusted. “Let’s just leave, okay?” she asked and Lance let out a tired sigh. “I’m pretty whipped too,” he replied and Sierra nodded in agreement. “Wait what time is it?” I asked, didn’t we just get here? I couldn’t remember but I didn’t think the sky had been that dark when I was outside; then again, I wasn’t really paying attention to my surroundings at the time. “It’s 7:00 at night,” Stephanie answered as she checked her platinum silver wrist watch and leaned back against Lance. “We really should head out-” My mother began but Aida cut her off. “Oh no, no, no! You no go out there in the dark night, you get hurt! You stay here for tonight, then leave in morning,” her voice was demanding and as if to prove her point she latched the door and started shooing us back into the house. “You room in here,” she said as she lightly pushed me into the room and I was surprised to see Zane stumbling in behind me. My mother’s eyebrows shot up but Zane beat her to the chase. “Um, shouldn’t we have separate rooms, I mean; I’m not sure Summer’s comfortable with this.” My mother’s eyebrows seemed to go up even more at this but I tried to ignore her and chimed in with Zane, though I had no real problem with him sharing a room with me. “Yeah, that’s really not appropriate,” my mother said, cutting me off with her stern tone of voice. “Oh, I’m sorry!” Aida said in a surprised voice, “I just thought that it’d be fine considering the circumstances.” I wasn’t the only one with a confused look on my face at this point, “What?” I asked and Stephanie let out a frustrated sigh. “Okay, what the hell are you talking about?” she demanded and Aida sighed, looking flustered. “I’m sorry; I guess I just assumed…well, I thought you were with child.” Chapter 6 “What?!” I wasn’t sure who the first person to cry out in shock was, but I did know that the room got chaotic at this point. Sierra’s face showed readable shock, my mother looked like she was going to kill someone, someone meaning Zane, Lance looked majorly uncomfortable, Stephanie was smiling as if she thought this situation was funny, and Zane looked like he wanted to run for the hills. I felt my face flush and before I could even muster a whimper my mother’s commanding voice broke through. “What on Earth would give you the authority to assume that?” she asked, I could tell she was struggling to keep her voice even and calm. Zane seemed to be able breathe now and he let out a shaky breath, “Why would you ask that?” Aida blushed and shrugged her shoulders, “I guess I just assumed since you’re so young and, well, tying the knot as you American’s call it.” Every eye in the room darted to my finger and I felt my face flush red. Zane sighed and out his face in his hands and I heard Sierra squeal. “Oh my God! This is perfect! Why didn’t you tell me? Never mind that, I’m so happy for you!” Sierra was practically jumping up and down, then, seeing my mother’s expression, she quickly became silent. “Take that off now, you’re being ridiculous,” she demanded in a cool, collected voice and I shot her an exasperated look. “Excuse me? I’m being ‘ridiculous’? No, I’m making decisions for myself, and Zane is one of them,” I replied and my mother’s calm expression slipped, she was angry, angrier than I’d ever seen her. “You may not have lived under my roof in a long time, but I am your mother. When I tell you to do something, you do it, and no questions asked, no complaining, no talking back. Now take it off,” she yelled I caught out of the corner of my eyes Stephanie and Lance quietly slipping out of the room. “What so now that you’re actually in my life again, you think you can play mother again? No, I don’t think so! You weren’t there for a good half of my life, you’re just another adult I know, and even though you gave birth to me, you are not my mother and you cannot tell me what to do!” I shouted and Zane laid a hand on my shoulder. “If I could,” he said quietly, “Mrs.Charard, I’m in love with your daughter, in fact, I’ve never even heard, yet alone felt, anything even close to what I feel for her. Now I can tell her goodbye, you can take her away, and I can lose everything I live for, but I’d still have to spend the rest of my life with her. I’m her guardian, Linda; I can’t just get out of her life. So, can’t we spend our eternity how we’d like to, or do we have to spend the rest of our lives wanting but never receiving?” My mother rested in forehead in her hands and let out an audible sigh. “I can’t deal with this…Really, I just…wow,” she said in an exasperated tone. “I am you’re mother, for one, and another thing, I have always been there, you just haven’t asked.” She locked eyes with me and I shook my head. “No, mom , you haven’t, but that’s not the point. I love Zane, whether you like him, whether you hate him and-” “Okay.” “Oh, and that’s another thing…Wait what?” my voice trailed off into space and I let me jaw drop. “Okay. Fine, if this is something you really want, then fine. But just know if this ends badly, you’ll still be spending forever with each other,” she said as she picked up her bag and swung it over her shoulder, “Now we should all get some rest.” Zane gave her a nod and I gave his hand a squeeze then winked up at him, “Told you she’d come around,” I whispered. He grinned back and shook his head in amusement, “You call that ‘coming around’?” “No, but it’s progress,” I replied as I reached up and pecked him on the cheek, “Night.” “Night,” he whispered back then quietly walked down the hall and shut the door. I stood in the hall for a few more moments and watched as everyone else dispersed into their rooms, then slowly retreated into my own. Once inside, I laid down onto my bed and heard the crackle of crumbling paper as my head hit my pillow. Curious, I sat up and reached into my pillow case, searching for the item that had made the noise. My fingers soon curled themselves around what felt like papier-mâché. Pulling my hand out, I saw that I held what looked like a half crushed flower, made in all paper, folded with delicate precision. I almost smiled until I noticed the bit of writing at the tip of one of the petals; it seemed to be disappearing into the flower. My curiosity getting the best of me, I carefully unfolded the paper until it was a full sheet and I could read the script. I don’t know what to say, You’ve underestimated me You’re a coward, a runaway. And you think that I can’t see But don’t forget who taught you what you know Just remember, I’ll be watching, everywhere you go. I gasped aloud and dropped the note onto my bed sheet. “There’s no way,” I whispered to myself as I stared at the creased paper. I sighed, trying to calm my breathing, and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. Dialing the number, I tried to urge my head to relax as I tapped my foot nervously. “Hello?” I bit my lip and tried to make my voice even. “Hi, listen, Zane, do you think that it’s possible that someone from the Tanghar could be here, in Italy?” I asked in a wispy, breathy sounding voice. “Well, they’re located everywhere, Summer. Just like murders, and all the other villains, there’s at least one everywhere you go. As for them harming us or even noting our presence, no one knows we’re here, if they did, we would’ve known by now.” I felt my stomach flip and vile rise in my throat. “Why, Summer? Is everything okay?” “No, Zane, everything’s not okay,” I whispered through the phone and I felt fear beginning to rise in me. “I’m scared. I went to bed and found a note, and now I’m scared. Do you want to know the worst part? I can’t stop being scared because it’s not me I’m scared for. It’s you . It’s you, and Sierra and Stephanie and Lance. It’s my mom and my dad, and it’s everyone else who’s ever meant something to me. And now, because of me, they’re all in danger.” I heard Zane sigh through the phone, “Summer, whatever happens, no matter how dangerous or how treacherous it gets, I will always be there for you. I’ve already tried life without you, and it’s not worth living.” “Don’t say that!” I insisted as I ran my fingers through my hair while keeping my phone balance on my shoulder. “Why not, why can’t I say that? I certainly mean it! Summer, I proposed tonight, and you said yes, and that means that through thick and thin, we should want to be there for each other. Why won’t you let me do that? Why can’t I be here for you?” “I won’t let you help because I don’t want you to get hurt!” I said in an exasperated tone, “I can’t lose you Zane, and though I want you to be here and help me through this, I won’t let myself put you in danger. I want to handle this on my own.” “ I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting someone, not you. Summer, whether you like it or not, we’re all in this together, we decided that when we stepped on to that plane. You can either accept it or keep trying to deny it, but either way, it’s true and we’re not going anywhere.” “Zane,” I started after a moment of silence, “Can you come down here?” While waiting for him to respond, I carefully laid back down onto my bed, dropping the note onto the floor as I went. “To your room?” he asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice, “Do you think your mom would-” “I just don’t want to be alone,” I interrupted as I stared out the open window, admiring the star’s beauty from my window pane. “I’m on my way,” he assured me, his voice full of protection and love and in less than a minute I heard his soft knock at my door. “I’m sorry,” he murmured with a frown as he pulled me close, “You really don’t deserve any of this.” “I’m glad all of this has happened,” I whispered into his shirt as I felt his fingers begin to comb themselves through my hair, “because without all this pain, I would’ve never met you.” Zane smiled warmly at me for a moment then leaned down and gently brushed his lips against mine. “I’m sorry I’ve brought you pain,” Zane whispered as he stared down at me, our bodies so close I was almost certain he could hear my racing heart beating. “Don’t be,” I responded breathlessly as I stood on my toes to kiss his lips gently. At first, his shoulders were tense, tight with anxiety but they turned gentle as he wrapped me up in his arms and held me. I didn’t want the kiss to end, I wanted it to go on forever, for it to replace all of the bad, and for it to take away any pain or hurt. But Zane seemed too stressed to simply let go of our problems for the night and he reluctantly broke the kiss, pulling away and shattering my illusion like broken glass. “It’s late,” he whispered as he glanced at the door apprehensively, and I could tell from his expression that he was worried we would get caught. “Please don’t go,” I begged, “I meant what I said before, I don’t want to be alone, I’m not sure if I can handle it right now. I’m not flirting, or getting you to stay the night , I just want the comfort of knowing that the man I love is sleeping right beside me.” Zane’s tense eyes instantly softened and he pulled me close once more and kissed my hair gently. “I won’t ever leave you alone; you’ll never be alone, not as long as I have something to do with it.” “So you’ll stay?” I prodded as I blinked innocently up at him. “Yes,” he emitted, “I’ll stay.” A loving smile played on his lips as he sauntered over to my closet and produced an old wool blanket. Seeing me just standing there watching him, he shot me a mocking smile and shook his head, “Go on! It’s late, get sleeping,” he tisked as he stretched out on the floor next to my bed. “I love you,” I whispered as I pulled the blankets around my up under my chin and smiled down at him. “And I love you,” he declared with a flirtatious grin before laying his head down on his pillow. With a tiny sigh, I tried to clear my mind and drift into sleep, but something kept prodding at my mind. Snapping my eyes open, I leaned over the side of the bed and gazed down at Zane. “Yes?” he asked as he propped himself up on one elbow to listen in. “Tonight, has been…indescribable. If I had to put it into words, I’d have to describe it has a phenomenon, a magnificent miracle, but even those wouldn’t describe it to its fullest. I am, no doubt, madly, crazily, and sometimes stupidly, in love with you, Zane VanLouge, and I realize that this ring only enforces that. But I want you to know, whether we get married tomorrow or ten years from now, I will never stop loving you.” I reached down gracefully and gently grasped his hand with mine. His skin was warm against mine and his eyes sparkled with pride and absolute undying love as he bent forward and kissed the top of my hand. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you as much as I do right now,” Zane said as he gave my hand a squeeze and tapped the ring on my third finger, “and this isn’t a enforcement, or even a proclamation of my love. This is me asking, no begging, that in some crazy, insane, impossible way, you think that someday I will be worthy to marry you. Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, it really is getting late,” he finished. “Promise to hold me all through the night?” I mused and Zane shook his head though a grin was still on his lips. “Promise,” he confirmed as he gave my hand a squeeze and just then, everything felt perfectly right . It was then, in that very moment, that I realized, no matter what life throws at you, no matter how many things go wrong, if your love is true, none of it will matter. It was then that I truly realized what true love and finding your soul mate really meant, and I was positive that I had found mine. With thoughts of Zane and I floating through my mind, I began to drift in and out of a conscious state and soon I was falling, enclosed in inky black nothingness as I began to stumble into a new livid nightmare. Chapter 7 I’d never liked the water. Not even when I was young. But right then, it worse than fear. It was pure terror. I’d never been this terrified, not even when I was waiting for death to take from Kyle’s basement. Water was everywhere and everything. It was filling my being, pouring into my lungs. My heart burned for relief and my throat ached for air. Though I was surrounded in water, I was sure I felt wet tears of pain escape my eyes. I yearned to call out but I feared if I opened my mouth, I’d only be suffocated with water. I felt certain that this was the end, that I was going to die, until I felt a slight tugging on my wrist. I felt the pressure of flesh tighten its grip against my hands as I felt my body begin to float upward. By now, the world around me seemed to be dimming; my brain suddenly giving up and shutting down. The surface seemed to be nearing, but it wasn’t close enough. I couldn’t identify who was pulling me, if it even was a person, but I wanted desperately for them to hurry. I wanted to tell them that I wouldn’t last much longer underwater, but I couldn’t move. My eyes fluttered as I made one last choking, gasping attempt to inhale but feeling more water pour into my chest, I gave in. Just seconds later, I felt my head break the surface of the water. The pulling continued, though I was unaware of what was going on. Water was still around me, but it was seeming to lessen and soon I felt gravel scrape lightly against my scalp. I just laid there for a moment, resting my aching bones and trying to force my mind into functioning as I felt myself subconsciously hack and spit up water. Whoever saved me was shaking my shoulders, gently patting my back and helping me sit up as I gasped, then they began to stroke my cheekbones. Suddenly, I felt hot breath on my skin and a pair of soft lips press themselves against mine. My eyes snapped open and I struggled to push my arms forward, knocking the person next to me backwards. Once the black dots cleared my vision, I found myself staring into the eyes of a young man. His iris’s were as dark as midnight and held a mysterious edge to them as he stared back at me. He had soft hair that resembled fine black silk that clung in wet, soft waves on his face. His pink lips were curved in a smile as he gently helped me sit up, though I flinched away from his touch. I tried to distance myself from this strange man, casually sliding to the side, but he wrapped his arms around me tightly and pulled me in close. “I’m so happy you’re okay,” he whispered, his lips brushing my hair as he spoke. “Oh, Carolina, my darling Cari, you had me so worried,” he purred as he pecked my cheek lightly. I wanted to move away, in fact, I twisted uncomfortably under his lips, but his grip was strong and unforgiving. I managed to tilt my head away from his lips before I spoke, “I’m afraid you must be mistaken. My name is Summer, Sumer Charad, not Carolina. Though I’m grateful for you rescuing me, I also think it would be a good idea if you let go of me.” “What?” the man whispered in a breathless voice as he studied me. His face had turned cold and he slowly began shaking his head, “Oh, no, my Cari, my sweet, sweet darling, you-” “No!” I interrupted as I thrashed about in his arms, trying to squirm my way from underneath him. “My name is not Carolina and I said let me go!” My screams seemed to penetrate the man’s daze and I felt his arms release their gasp a bit. He looked up at me with a broken expression, his face slick with tears and his eyes drowning in despair, “Carolina, my love, how have you forgotten me?” His voice was hoarse and taunt as he began to creep forward. His expression changed instantly, going from sad and dazed to angry and insane. His charcoal eyes seemed to spin as he proceeded to yell incantations in my direction. “Would I have ever forgotten you?! Would I’ve?! Come here, show me you remember, show my now!” He hissed and spat the words as he crawled crazily toward me. “Stop!” I commanded but realizing that it was no good, he was still coming, I turned on my heel and began to sprint down the beach side toward the distant city lights. Though I could still barely make out his shouts from behind me, I continued to run until my lungs were heavy and heaving for oxygen and I’d reached pavement. I felt my heart continue to flutter as I picked up a steady walking pace and quickly ducked into the nearest building. For the inside, the facility looked incredibly sterile. Everything, including the walls, floor, carpet, ceiling, paintings, tables, and computers were white. Everything, that is, except for one single periwinkle blue WELCOME sign that was hanging from the back wall. No one seemed to be around, so I took a tentative step forward. “Hello?” I called cautiously as I squinted to read the signs writing then felt myself chocking and gasping on the air in my throat. The sign read: “Welcome to the L.C.A for the Mentally Insane.” It was then that I began to panic. All around me I began to hear voices, some angry, most sad, but all seeming to be calling out one thing, “stop the insanity that enters through sleep.” I felt a chill fun down my spine and then, with a white flash of bright light, it all disappeared. <3 or comment if you liked it. More to come soon, add me for updates.Chapter 8 Coming Soon! P.S. Look for The Dreamer: Book 1 at your local bookstore! Text: No part of this book is to be redistributed in any manner. All rights reserved. Publication Date: March 19th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-sppellerd

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Asia Webb The Shady Things of Life Fairytale of Rape I dedicate this book to people who lives wasn't the greatest and with the horrible memories of rape. Chapter 1 I know my life isn't the greatest and I know it will never be the greatest. If I gave somebody the chance to be in my shoes, I'm afraid they wouldn't want to be around me any more. I'm afraid of my own father. I lost myslef years ago, when I was running away from him. I ran away from my father two and a half years ago. Ever since I've been  hiding in the shadows of my depressing and harsh memories. It's came to that time I'll share my story so others don't end up like me. Chapter 2 It all started while I was at school. I was sitting at lunch with my boyfriend and my friends. We were was talking and having fun, you know just acting like regular middle-school teenagers. It was pretty busy in the cafeteria. "What does little corn say to mamma corn"? asked Derick, Anna boyfriend "Baby chick noises". one of Anna friends said. "Not even close"! shouted Derick "Ok then Derick we all said we give up. What's the answer"? said Anna calmly "Ok it"s... Where's poppa corn.. Get it like popcorn". Derick said while laughing historically "Dude h..o..n..e..s..t..y...l..y.. Ummmmmm. You Derick um, please go get the nurse. Please and hurry up!" Anna said in a panicky voice " Anna what wrong"? Mary asked " I think or I know I got my period while I'm at school". Anna said shocked " Anna calm down you be alright. Trust me the nurse will be here soon." said Mary again I finally calmed down and walked to the nurse with paper towels under, over, and beside me. It felt really awakward people were staring at and me and whispery things into their friend's ear. I had these random thoughts come to my mind. Eventually we ended up at the nurses office. I sat down in a chair until she was ready to work with me. It was other kids in there with headaches, stomaches, fevers, bad coughing, and basically anything you can go to the nurse for to get out of class. Eventually the nurse came to me and asked me millions of questions or at least it felt like it. "Honey, are you sure you got your period"? the nurse asked " Well I actually don't know. I just felt something come out my private part". Anna said " Anna I advised that you go check". said the nurse politely At that instant Anna speed walked to the bathroom. I walked into the girl's bathroom and ran to the first stall I could fine. I opened and locked the door. I looked I saw my red converse. I pulled down my black skinny jeans. Which followed with me pulling down my pink lace Victoria Secrets underwear. I looked at my underwear and I was completly in shock. I couldn't believe it. I got my period at school. It was blood sitting there on my underwear. That god hevaens it wasn't alot. After I sent the blood I pulled up my underwear and my jeans. Open and unlocked the bathroom stall door, and continue with washing my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look like myself espcally my boobs. I felt everything was happening so fast. My mom was just arrested for doing drugs, and now me having my period. I turned off the water and dried my hands. I left the girl's restroom and went back to the nurses office. " Hannah did you check yourself". asked the nurse " Yes, I did check myself. I did end up having my period'. I said with a sad tone "Ok Anna stay here. I'm going to call your father so you can go home. When you go home I want youy to stop by the store to get any tampons or pads. Also change every time you pee or else you will get an infection. Make you talk to your father about this". the nurse said quietly The nusre left and went on to continue to call my father. Chapter 3 About ten minutes later my dad was at the school. I gave a nurse a "thank you" and walked out and headed to the school main office. As I was walking, I was thinking how much easier this will be if my mom was here. I was snapped out of my thought by a big huge hug from my father. I said bye to the people working in the office an left out of the school building. I ran up to my dad car it was nice. I figured he got it cleaned and stuff today while I was at school. I hopped into the passenger side of the car and my dad shut my door. I dont know why but it felt a little bit awkard because he was treating me like I was sick, but all that happened to me was me getting my period while I was at sschool. So I just kept that thought to myself in and my head.  I my dad was speeding. Your probably thinking how I know. Well this how he was doing eighty but the speed limit was sixty-five. As we got closer to the house he slowed down. About seven blocks away from the house he started to rub on my legs. "What are you doing"? Anna said nervously "Nothing". he said We arrived at the house. I open and slammed the car door and ran to the house as fast as I could. I ran up the steps, went into my bedroom and locked the door. I was so confussed. All these question ran to my mind like, this, that, why, and me. I plopped down on my bed and pulled out my iphone and headphone. I sat there listening to music. I must have fallen alseep because I woke up from sleeping. I looked at the clock it was seven-thrity.  I got up from my bed. I walked to my door and unlocked it. I looked to the left and then to the right. I was glad he wasn't there. I walked out into the hallway because we normally eat dinner at this time. I walked towards the staircase. I quietly and slowly went down. Now I was standing in the ;iving room. Chapter 4 I walked into the kitchen, no one was there and espically no food was there. I checked the fridgerator and looked very ahrd but no food was here. Then I heard something. I woke up a few minutes later in my father's room, tied to the bed post and my feet handcuffed together. I was scared. My clothes was changed. I hold on a purple lingerie and no underwear. So I started to panic. "Help, help! Somebody help me"! I screamed Then the door creeped open. My father walked in slowly woth nothing on but some white boxers. In his hand he held a key to the handcuffs. I was so upset with myself, because I couln't do anything to mske him stop. He came towards me and sat the key on the nightstand. He started kissing my lips so soft and sweetly. I felt so wrong and gulity, but I didn't fight it I only made it worse by kissing back. He went from kissing my lips from down my neck. He untied the ropes of my hands. He slowly took off my lingerie and his underwear. He took his private part and rubbed it up and down. He finally stuck into me, and it hurted. He stayed there for a second doing nothing. Then started moving back and forth. Next thing you know I'm moaning and groaning. After my father finshed I slapped him. Grabbed the key off the nightstand and took off the handcuffs. I started punching him and beating him. I couldn't believe my own father raped me. I grabbed the baseball bat and hit him right in the head. I ran in my room and put on some clothes. Grabbed a bag and stuff a lot of clothes, and stuff in there. Went back to my father and looked at him one more time. Which was my last time. Chapter 5 I ran so fast down the steps I fell. I just needed to get away. He did so much damage to me. I should have know why my dad was acting so weird while I was going through my changing phase. I slammed the door, left the house and never looked back again. I walked far, far away from there. I never wanted to go there again. I went to the only place I be acceped to the hood. I walked for days which turned into weeks which turned into months. I walked thousands and thousands of miles. I finally made it to my destination. There I made many and plenty of friends. I was glad nothing bad has happen since. I have tons if friends we sit there all day doing nothing but being drunk and high. Chapter 6 I never been back to that place ever since. The memory is so depressing it becomes a nightmare. Five years later I finally shared my story for all the ones who had this happen to them Publication Date: August 23rd 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-wdba581c7c72935

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princessci Adw Slave to Lust to all my friends and family. Chapter 1 Everything started as a happy family; a father, a son and a beautiful little girl which has been adopted by a rich man. This man treated the girl as his own daughter and gives her the best possible education as the son. He sent both the daughter and the son to America for holiday. Time past by; everything is going good for the family. Natasha and JJ came back from America and meeting their father in good health. Now everything changes from here. After Natasha and JJ has arrived. Their father’s driver came to pick them up from the airport. Sitting down in the sitting room next to father is Natasha and JJ sat on the opposite chair. They all laughed after the father has welcomed them both. “Omg” said Natasha while still laughing. “So tell me, how was America?” asked the father. JJ replied saying it was fabulous. “Absolutely fabulous; I never knew that I could have so much fun in the US as much as I usually do in the summer; awesome.” “Good” said the father. “I have always believed that every season has its own attraction. Dad it was simply amazing for me. You know, you could see the trees dropping its golden leaves.” said Natasha. JJ laughed while interrupting Natasha… she continued. “I swear you could smell snow in the biting cold weather. Dad, you know… nature is so perfect.” The father smiled. “There she goes…. There she goes. I swear you almost bored me back there” Laughed JJ while saying. “Just because of appreciating nature… appreciating nature; how annoying; every bloody minute.” “If only you have taken a bit of appreciating breath; Instead of partying.” replied Natasha. “That’s what I do” laughed JJ. “I’m sure you would have realised what gift nature is” answered Natasha Father was just watching them… arguing about nature between themselves… He also laughed while the conversation goes on. “Ok I hear you, I hear you… and what does that take you to; listening to that boring nature or feeling it. You having a boring time; smelling all the rain flowers." Laughed JJ Father also laughed to JJ’s comment. They both looked at themselves pointing at Natasha; while the joke goes on about her and her nature theory. Natasha looked at JJ and replied quickly “Dad I had fun so don’t listen to him. Is it because I wasn’t partying with you JJ?” “Who needs you?” JJ asked while laughing. “Oh, I can see you both had a great time. Wonderful.” Father interrupted. “Yes, we did” Said JJ “Oh yes, I did” replied Natasha. “Great. I have no doubt to learn 1 or 2 things about the American Weather” father said. “I did… well I don’t know about her” replied JJ. “Oh no no… do you know what you learnt about? Party hoes. I learnt about the weathers and everything stop it JJ” said Natasha. Father and JJ laughed about Natasha’s comment. “Thanks for sending us there dad” said JJ. “That’s my pleasure” said father “I had fun” said Natasha while hugging her father and giving him a peck saying thank you. “J, I told you I was going to the Salon, are you ready to take me?” asked Natasha. “What’s wrong with your hair?” asked father. “I need to get a new look. It’s a girl thing. Don’t worry, you won’t understand.” said Natasha Father looked at JJ to ask what she meant but JJ shakes his head saying that he’s not getting involve. “It’s a girls thing” repeated again by Natasha. “See you soon”… said Natasha. JJ walked out with his sister Natasha looking back at dad and laughing back at him. Publication Date: April 23rd 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-princessci

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Daily Capper Daily Capper March-April 2010 Publication Date: June 12th 2010 https://www.bookrix.com/-thedailycapper

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Divinia Madden Love? Could it be love at first sight? Publication Date: February 5th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-ilovetoreda123

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-shaz-bad-romance-of-life/

Shaz Bad romance of life Bad romance The romance is bad in the south. Publication Date: March 27th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-shakaykay232

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gbh njkm,l gvbhnj mk njmk, hbnjkm,l gbhnjmk,l h njkm,l hjmk,. bghnjm, yhunjmk hbnjm, gbhnjkmlfvgbhnjmk  gbhnjm,  jnm,b gt hnjkm gbhnjm  fcvg bhnj gbhn j gbhnjm, fvgbhnj cfvgbhnjmk  b ghjk fvgbh fcgbhnjmk  fgbn vgbhnj m gbhjmvbh njm,g bhnm gvbhn m hbnjm gbhnm,gbhnjm  hnj hbnj kgyh jnk gbhnjkm gvbhn j gbhnj gbhnj vbhn bhnj bhnj bgh gvb h bghnj hbnj hb ikohb njk hbnjkhb nj jnh jn hbyj jnhhb njmfcvghjgyhujbhjkbhnjmk  hnj kl; hnj kh jm bnhbnjh ghbnj gbn gbh n gbhnj gvbh hb jn bhnm ghbj gvbhnj bgh cfgbhn cfbhnjdxcfgbhnjmk f gbhj vgbhj cfvg bhnhbnjm ,. hbnm,  hbnjm, hb nm, bnm , bjmk gvbhnj mk,l gbhnjmk gvbh njmk, fvgb hnjmk gvbhnj mk,fc hbjnkml, vhbjnkml ,gv hbjnkml hbjnkm gvhbjnkm gvbh nm, gvh bjnkm h bjnkml h bjnkm hjnk m hbjnkm,   drfgbhnja sxdcfgbhn ftgybh jnk tfgyhbjnkm tfg hbnjm gthbnm  fgv n vhbjnkm fc ghb gvhbnm cvg hbn bhnm ghbjn hbnm vghbnjm dxcfvgbhn wzsxdcfvgbhnj dcfg bhnm dfvgh fg bhnjmk rfgbhj crfgvh jg fhbjnkl rtgyhuji erghbj rfgvhb  rftgyhj tfgyhj 5rtgyhj tghjk rftghj frgbhnjmk crfgbhnj rtybhunji rftgyhuj rftgh rdftgyhu  rftgyhj tg hj ftgyu gtyhj kgt yhj ghjk gtyhjkv rtgyhjk tyuvthj fg   hg ghnj cfbguhnj fygbu hnj rfyguh jdt fjbhnl ghbj nk fyguhij dtfygbuh dfgh j fygubhij fg uhj dfybnm dfgbhnj f yguh gbnjm frgbhn rf g cdtf guyfvgjhnkm,bjh ntcfyvgh jy tgh gfuhj yghbnjk dxfcghj gbnm gchbjn cfvbn dcfvbn gbhnm fcvgbh vgbh vgbhnj fgbh ghj fgbh fgbhn fvgbhnm gbhnj gbhnj ghnjm  drctfvygbuh  rctfygbhnj d fhvgjbnk  dcfvhgbjn  cgfvhbjn kc tfvhgbjnk  cfgbhnjm  fgbuhnj  dfcgbhjn dfg bhnj fgvb hnjgvbn f ghbjnk g bhnj fvg bhnm fgvbhnj r ftgyh rg hbnjk rftghj k fghjn fvgbhn jf vgbhnjmk  fgbhnjm v gbhnjm  gbhnm gvbh njmk ghbnjm  ghbnfe  rdtfy ghjk fdghjbk x tcfygjbhkn dgf hbjk fgvjhbk jn fgchjbkn fgvhb nm, gvbhnj  fvgbnjkm dtcf bguh fyvgubhijk fyvgubhnkjm gffds  f hgbj n vbnm  gbhnm vgbnmf gbhnm g hjkl  ghj k j kml hjnkml h jnk  hjnkml g yhj kg bhnm, gbh nmk fvgb hnj fvgbhnj km gbhnj kml gvbhnj km  gvbhnj tf gbhnj fcvgbh njm ftgbhnjmk ,t gyhnjmk,l tvg bhnjm frtgbhnjmk d rfbhnj rfvg bhnjc fgbhnjmk tghj tgyhbjnkml gvhbj nkm hbjnm , gnm,  gvhbjnkm v hbnm bnm,g hbjnkm  gbhjnk hbnjkm  hbjnkm vgbh jnkml g hbnjkm fvgb nm vgbhnj kv tgyhujk fcvgbhnj cfvgbh njm gbhnj rdftghj  fgvh vtgbhj tfg bh gtvbhnjm kv tbyhnjmk, cfr gbhj derfgh wsedfghjk vfgbh njm fcvgbhnj mkcf gbhnjk fg hnj ftghbnjkm gbyhnujik tg yhujikolp fgtyhujik ftghj bgtbhnjk ghjk vgbhnjk gv hbj gvbhnjmk gyhbnjmk hbnjm ,hbnj kmhb njmk bh njkml hbnjmk,l gv bhnjmk gbhnj gvbhnj mk gbhnmk gv bhnjm Publication Date: January 17th 2018 https://www.bookrix.com/-fp8005239f255a5

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Navaura Campbell Broken To those who have loved, lost and triumphed over despair. I hope that you find this book rewarding and entertaining while at the same time giving you vestiges of hope and belief. Vanessa     Chapter One Vanessa: POV   You know how despite the risks, you do something anyway? Despite the fact that your mother tells you no you can’t go somewhere and you go there anyway? Well, that’s me. Vanessa Williams. I’d asked my mother and father a week ago if I could go to a house party one of my friends was throwing at school because I had never been to one and wanted to see what it was like, and of course. Like the stick in the mud parents they are, they told me no. Can you imagine how I felt when my mom spoke no first and my dad took her side on the matter?   Every time I asked him about something his response was, What did your mother say? I would get floored and try my hand at persuasion. “Dad, don’t you think you could make your own decision instead of asking her?” He’d shake his head and refute. “What she says goes.” “If mom said jump off a cliff would you do it just because she said so?” He’d looked up from his desk and with the same majestic – that’s what my best friend called them, green eyes I wore. Eyes that had a gold light that always seem to shine through when he found something particularly amusing, like the comment just made, he laughed, “Only if she was jumping with me.” I glared at him. This is what I hated about them. They always took each others side no matter what. To me it didn't make any sense for them to do so because, well, I didn't get what I wanted. I hated not getting what I wanted. As a matter of fact, I was one of the few people who wished they'd get a stupid divorce. They were like an old married couple.   I guess the fact that they’d been together since high school made them that way. Mom absolutely refuses to talk about their high school years, while dad doesn’t seem to mind. He just did it when mom wasn’t around to be the nagging bitch that she was. I wished I had a different mother. She was so damn stuck up and prude that at times I couldn’t stand being around her. And as of lately, this seemed to be happening more and more. I was upset because I was in my last semester as a freshman at Tiger Hill High. I know unbelievable name right? Sounds like something out of a damn make believe city. In a couple of more months I’d be fifteen and a sophomore in high school, but did that matter to her. No it didn’t. She was just out to ruin my life.   You see, I had decided that I wasn’t going to let that happen. Despite the fact that I was only fourteen, I knew I was mature enough to handle something so simple as a party. So, Tamarah, my best friend and I concocted a plan so that I could go to the party with her and my boyfriend, who by the way, my parents hate. There’s no surprise there. If they had their way, I wouldn’t date. But hey, what can I say? I’m the type of girl that finds ways over and around getting what I want.   This was one of those times where I’d go over and under. I’d acted my usual self throughout the day so that they wouldn’t know what was happening. Around five o’clock that evening, I’d gotten out my clothes for the party; a pair of denim hip huggers with a pair of Fendy red heels that matched a favorite red blouse of mine. The blouse, a silk off the shoulder number with the bottom of it loose enough to tuck into your jeans and poof out, making it look elegant on a lovely, shapely, figure as my own. It made my eyes look even more magnificent than they already were. I waited till I heard them go upstairs and go to bed before I started to get dressed around eight o’clock that night.   After I got dressed, I rubbed some gel in my hands and ran it through my hair and brushed the strands, so that my hair would stay smooth and straight til it reached my shoulders, where it would curl at the ends. My dark black curly hair I’d inherited from my father. As a matter of fact, the majority of me I’d inherited from my dad. What I didn’t understand was how he and my mother got along so well with them being so different.     I grabbed a pair of gold encrusted sea shell earrings I’d gotten while on vacation one summer and put them in my ears. Then carefully I applied my make up. I preferred the dark dramatic looks.   I flickered my gaze in the mirror and approved of what I saw. My dark blue eye shadow looked great with my skin tone, giving my eyes a more intense green look. The mascara made my eye lashes look even longer and fuller than they already were and the light blush I’d applied to my cheeks blended in beautifully. My lipstick was called fire starter; A deep shade of red that I loved to wear. I smacked my full heart shaped lips and felt the excitement turn into giddiness. For once I was going to be able to do things my way and get away with it. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten this far. I grabbed a light jacket because according to weather reports it was going to be cool out tonight and I wasn’t one to be unprepared. I grabbed my purse and searched around in it. I had everything I needed, including the condoms that I was sure me and my boyfriend Tommy would use tonight in one of the spare bed rooms at the party.   One of the reasons I’d decided to go was because he and I were going to go all the way tonight, with no interruptions. My friend Alicia had said we could use the spare room in the basement and just make sure that we locked the door before anything happened. We didn’t want our business spread around school. We liked to keep things low profile. I sighed and placed the purse strap over my head in between my left should blade and watched as it settled in across over my chest. I kept the purse snug tight to me. Opening my window, I crawled out onto the sturdy trellis.   As I worked my way down I smiled at the victory I knew was coming. I had my cell phone clipped to my hip in case Tamarah or Tommy called. They were supposed to meet me around the corner. As I climbed down the trellis and jumped the last bit, I turned to walk toward the street. As I did, I heard a voice speak, “I knew you were up to something. I just couldn’t prove it at the time.”   I felt rage spark in me and I turned to face my mother, and replied back with immediate anger, “Well you know what, if you weren’t such a stick in the mud all the time then maybe I wouldn’t have to do this.” She stared at me with fire in her almond shaped eyes, “Maybe if you were more trust worthy I wouldn’t mind you going out this time of night Vanessa, but the truth is, your behavior is ridiculous. Your father and I both told you that you couldn’t go to that party, yet here you are sneaking out of your bed room window. Do I have to get bars put up just to keep you safe?”   “Safe? Mom! Bars are for prisons, not houses. I’m fourteen years old and I’m able to make my own decisions. I’ll be fifteen this summer. I can make good decisions.” She put her hand on her hip and yelled, “This is what you call making good decisions? Vanessa, do you know how many predators lurk out in the world?” “Predators? Seriously mom! This damn town is so sleepy and boring, even they wouldn’t want to come here.” “You know what, I’m done arguing with you. Go in the house and take off those clothes and make up.” “Mom!” I yelled, feeling the anger with her I had boil over. “Why are you such a bitch?” “Excuse me?” Her eyes got big as she gawked at me. “Why do you always keep me from having fun? You want to keep me cooped up in this house day in and day out.” I watched her take a deep breath and then I felt the rage as she stated in an obnoxious way,“Why do you act like such a spoiled brat? Temper tantrums are for four year olds, not fourteen year old girls.” Her hands balled tightly into little fists, and I had no doubt that she wanted to hit me. This caused me to shirk back a little, as in a cold tone she cleared her throat and began her next sentence,“ Since I’m being a bitch, I’m going to show you how much of a bitch I can be. I’m going to drop you off at school and pick you up. You’re going to wash everyone’s clothes in the house for a week and you are not allowed to leave the house until I say you can leave. You will help me with everything around here, no hanging out with Tamarah or that damn Tommy boy. The only thing you will be allowed to do is eat, sleep, breathe, and do homework at my command. That’s a bitch for you.” I stomped past her and yelled, “I hate you.” “I think that’s already been established.”   ~ ~ “Where’s V?” Tommy inquired, his gaze going to Tamarah. Tamarah shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know. She was supposed to be here a half an hour ago but she hasn’t shown up.” “Really?” “Yes.” “Do you want to just go to the party anyway?” “Should we?” “Have you tried calling her?” “Yeah, but there’s no answer.” “Same for me. I think it sucks that she stood us up like this but we may as well go.”“She didn’t stand us up.” “What happened?” “Her mom probably found out and didn’t allow her to come.” “That woman’s a bitch. I can’t stand her uptight ass.” Tamarah laughed, “She does it because she care about her.” “Ain’t that much care in the world. She need to let her live a little or Vanessa’s going to be wild as hell when she get out on her own.” “ Vanessa said she’s moving out right after graduation and she’s going to accept a school as far away from here as possible.” “Good for her. Who wants to live with a damn tyrant all day. Not to mention what kind of man her father is, he can’t even stand up to his own wife. If that was me I’d be like, shut the hell up and let her be a teenager.” Tamarah laughed, “You’re stupid Tommy.” “Are we gonna go to this party or what?” Tamarah started the car, still in a fit of giggles. When they arrived at Cory Dasher’s house, the drive way and the street was full of cars. There were people getting out of their vehicles and walking up the front lawn to the house. There was already people hanging out on the lawn, some talking, others making out and others drinking and eating Jello. Tamarah frowned, why would anyone bring Jello to a party like this one? She had intended to get her drink on but make sure she didn’t get too drunk. She didn’t want to end up in a ditch some where. Sighing, she greeted several people as she and Tommy made it out of the car and made their own walk toward the front door. You could hear the loud bass coming in from the house. They were bumping some rapper named Lil Chubby. As they got to the door, the glass slid open automatically. The place was crawling with teenagers both sober and drunk. Tamarah looked around, all the furniture had been moved from the living room and sitting area, which was big enough to engulf the entire apartment she stayed in with her mother. As soon as they walked in, people greeted her and Tommy. There were a lot of questions about Vanessa and her whereabouts. Tamarah told them that she hadn’t been able to make it. She and Tommy split up, him going toward a group of guys and her heading to the kitchen to find her first drink.   Timothy shook his head in annoyance with the people out on the front lawn. Half were making out and the other half were throwing up whatever alcoholic beverage they’d consumed. He despised alcohol and had plenty of reason to. Going on into the house, he made his way from the living area and into the kitchen, where there was an equal amount of stupid teenagers in there too. He watched as one kid stumbled out onto the back patio from the kitchen and went into the back yard. He continued on, forcing his way over to the fridge. Opening it, he searched the fridge for something that wasn’t alcoholic. Settling on a root beer, he closed the door and turned around. Just as he did, he felt someone hit his chest. Looking down, he saw a girl staring at him with dark black opal colored eyes. Her smooth skin was the color of maple wood on a wet day. Her long hair was straight as it hung at her shoulders. He felt a tinge of color rise in his cheeks as she glanced up at him with a smile. “Timothy Rawsin. How nice to see you.” He felt the fear that always froze him in place whenever she was anywhere near him. As usual, he wasn’t able to do much but nod. “I see you still don’t talk much.” He shrugged his shoulders in response, hoping the pounding of his heart would cease at some moment. “That’s too bad, because I’ve always thought you were quite the looker with those deep sea blue eyes and dark dirty blonde hair.” He smiled at this. She continued to look him in the eyes. Waiting for him to speak something, but again, nothing came forward. He tried to will himself to respond to her statement, but his mouth wouldn’t follow the orders his brain gave. Instead, he did like he always did when ever she approached him. He grabbed the hand that seemed to mold itself to his chest and tenderly removed it, feeling the electrical undertones as he did so. He gave her one last lingering look and then walked away.   Tamarah watched him walk away from her with a sadness filling her heart. She couldn’t explain what it was about him that made her feel rejected. It seemed like every time she’d approach him to talk, he wouldn’t do anything but nod. From the first time she’d spotted him in the gym running with the rest of the baseball team, she’d been taken in by the beautiful curly hair, big blue eyes and nice sun kissed skin tone. In her eyes, he’d been the only guy to stick out with his medium height yet muscular build. He reminded her of a Grecian with his slender body. She had watched him every day during gym, until one day she caught him staring back at her. She’d smiled at him. He’d smiled back and the next time she’d seen him, she’d gone up to him without hesitation and spoken to him. All of this had occurred in January. Now here it was March and he’d yet to hint at whether he’d liked her or not. He’d always been cordial enough when spoken to, but he was a loner. She’d never seen him hang out with anyone at school, always by himself. Sighing, she went to the fridge and grabbed a cup of red jello.   About fifteen minutes after Tamarah had eaten her first cup of small Jello, the kitchen door opened and Tommy came in, “I see you found the Jello.” “Yeah, I can’t see why everybody’s downing this stuff, it’s got a weird taste to it.”“Oh yeah?” “Yeah, like some type of bitter cherry flavor. It’s nasty but good too, in a way that if you eat one, you gotta keep eating it.” “No Jello is that good.” He stated, coming over to where she was. Pointing to the fridge, she said, “Reach in there and get one.” Tommy reached into the fridge and grabbed a jello. “Spoons are in the cupboard if you wand one.”   “This Jello is the shit, man.” Tommy stated, after he and Tamarah had eaten the whole bowl. The crowd in the kitchen had already diminished, leaving them by their selves. “I know right; but you know what, I don’t know what they put in it but I feel kinda sick and dizzy.”Tommy glanced over at Tamarah, “ You alright?” “I’ll be ok, but, hold on a second...” She got up and ran to the nearest restroom and threw up in the toilet bowl. ~ ~   “Vanessa’s in her room pissed off, Jordan.” “Is she now?” He inquired, not glancing up at his wife. He’d been in the study rearranging case files that he’d already completed, but hadn’t had the time to put back in their proper place. “Yeah, I caught her sneaking out of her bedroom window.”“Oh yeah?” “Yeah, she was. When I caught her, we exchanged some words.” “Did you?” He continued to surf through his files looking for one labeled Billinger Chemical Corporation. He’d worked on this case two months ago, in which his client, the plaintiff had sued the Billinger Chemical Corporation for workman’s compensation because of an accident he’d been involved in when a piece of equipment had malfunctioned at the company. Although the employer had offered him half of the pay he’d received when working there, the employee had been let go almost immediately due to the extent of his injuries. His client James Gardner had been given full compensation and also received a settlement for their wrongful termination and he’d also received money for punitive damages. Due to the amount he’d received in the settlement, he’d been generous enough to not only give Jordan what he’d requested in legal fees but he’d also given him a bonus. “Are you listening to me, Jordan?” Jordan paused in what he was doing, glanced up at his wife and said, “You said something about Vaneessa sneaking off to a party and you caught her in the act.” “Did you hear anything after that?” She inquired, her tone irritated. Denise Williams hated repeating herself. Her irritation took him back to their high school days when she’d been the same way. He’d assumed that she’d get over it, but that was a part of her personality that remained. Exhaling softly, he gave a smile and sat down on the corner of his desk. “I’m listening now Denise.” “She called me a bitch and I...” “She did what?” He inquired, his tone incredulous. He could feel the fuse that had been lit fire underneath him. “She called me a bitch.” Standing up, he got ready to walk out of the study. On his way toward the door, his wife held up her hand, “Wait.” His tone was low and deadly as he stated, “Denise, our daughter just called you a bitch and you want me to wait. For what?” Denise ran her hands over his shoulders, “I already handled it.” “You handled it and now I want to go handle it some more.” He went to side step her but she inquired, “What more can you do to her than what I’ve done. She’s grounded for a month, no t.v. No cell phone, no company, just school, cleaning and her room. She’s too old for a whipping.”   Jordan thought about this. She was right. She’d taken away everything that mattered to her, so what more could he do? As he began to brain storm, Denise wrapped her arms around his neck. “Just let it go, baby. I’ve already taken care of it.” Although Jordan’s shoulders loosened some and his breathing returned back to normal, he knew in his mind that there was some way to make her see that how she treated her mother was wrong. He didn’t know what had gotten into Vanessa lately, but she was treading on very thin ice with him and he knew that if her behavior didn’t change, she was going to make him and her mother blow a fuse. They’d tried everything they could think of, yet she still refused to be respectful to her mother and him whenever he took her mother’s side. This, he was getting tired of. His mother didn’t raise him like that and he’d be damned before he allowed his own daughter to mistreat him and her mother. It didn’t matter how old she was, she still had to respect them.     Tamarah stopped the car in front of Tommy’s house. Her guilt evident all over her features and in her heart. How could she do something like that to her best friend? They’d been close since the second grade and now, should she find out what had happened at the party, their friendship would be ruined. “I had fun Tamarah.” He stated, reaching out to touch her hand. She pulled her hand back, “I’m sure you did.” Her tone was full of bitterness. “Come on T- don’t be like that. You know I’ve always liked you.” “Sure you did, that’s why you chose Vanessa over me.” He grinned and sighed, “Look at it this way, you got what you wanted. That’s what you’ve been itching for isn’t it?” Tamarah exhaled, her breathing harsh, “Not from you Tommy. Vanessa is my best friend.”“If you cared that much about Vanessa Tamarah, you wouldn’t have done what we did tonight.” “If you don’t care that much about her, why are you with her?” “Are you jealous?” “Uhh,No. I’m just saying you act like she doesn’t matter.” Vanessa's eyes were already clouding with anger. There was something about Tommy that made her angry all the time. “Believe me, she has her purpose in my life." He smirked, "When the time is right, she’ll be down too. I know I’m getting closer.” “Get out of my car, Tommy.” Tamarah stated, her stomach beginning to get Nauseous. He leaned over and kissed her on her fore head. “I hope our little secret stay between us.”“Get out!” He laughed but still did what she demanded and got out.                         Chapter Two:   I was so angry over mom grounding me. I can’t stand being in this house, let alone having to do everyone’s laundry and help her clean. That was her job. She was the one who took the house apart on a daily basis to inspect and ensure that nothing was left undone. I didn’t want to do that. I feel like that’s a waste of my time. It’s boring. Anyhow, I was so angry at having been caught and having everything I had planned go down the drain. I had just finished dressing and was now making my way downstairs to the kitchen where I could smell the eggs and bacon frying in separate pans.   Despite how much I loathed my mother’s need to suffocate me, I couldn’t deny that she knew her way around the kitchen. She could cook anything from Ham-hocks and chitterlings, to Ramen noodle soup. Anything that woman made was good. I felt my stomach rumble as I reached the doors to the kitchen. There were three plates set out at the table. My dad, Jordan Williams and my little brother, Craig Williams sat across from one another. I was about to take a seat in front of the third plate setting when my dad said, “That’s Denise’s seat.” I looked at the forth seat with no plate setting. Maybe mom forgot to set a place for me. No big deal really. I knew she was still angry, so I went to the beige colored cupboards and grabbed a brass nob handle, reaching in I grabbed a plate. I also grabbed a glass from the farthest end of the cupboards and then reached in the utensil drawer and grabbed a fork. Bringing my dishes back to the table, I sat my own place. Just as I’d gotten everything situated, mom came to the table bearing goodies. Home made biscuits that were in a plastic bowl but covered by a paper towel. Syrup, powered sugar, raspberry topping in a container and butter and honey. Craig rubbed his hands together, “Now it’s on and popping. You hooking us up this morning ma.” Mom sat the stuff down on the long table, which was big enough to seat eight and went back to the stove. She brought, bacon, eggs, sausage, and pancakes with her. I smiled, “That looks good ma.” She glanced over at me with a sweet smile, “Thank you sweet heart, I hope you enjoy your breakfast.” This made my eyebrows furrow. Mom never got over an argument this quickly. Dad did, but mom...no, it would be a cold day in hell before that happened. I glanced around me. Dad had a newspaper in his hand reading it. He was dressed in a black suit and Maroon tie, nothing uncommon about that. He seemed all too calm. “Sweetheart, move your hand, ok?” Mom spoke with such kindness that I moved my hand and cleared my throat at the same time. “So...did you and dad have a talk?” I inquired as she placed three pancakes,sausage and eggs on my plate. She nodded, “We sure did, didn’t we Jordan?” Dad glanced up from the paper at me. “Yes? Why do you ask Vanessa? Since when does what your mother and I talk about become important to you?” I shrugged, “Well, I mean...I thought after...” My voice trailed off. If he didn’t know, why tell him?“You..you guys always have talks, that’s all.” I stated, my tone soft. I pushed my hair over my shoulders, something I did when I was nervous, and pretended to be observing the food that was in my plate.   A few minutes later, my brother Craig stood up from the table and pushed his chair in, “Well, I’m about to bounce, see you later people.” He grabbed his plate, took it to the sink, sat it in there and walked out of the kitchen. I watched as he grabbed his bag hanging on a hook next to the door leading off the kitchen to the garage and walked outside into the warm weather.   “Vanessa, your breakfast ok?” Mom asked. She’d sat down at her usual place next to dad. I cleared my throat, “Yeah, but I gotta go. I don’t want to be late for school you know.” She nodded, “Yeah, alright, go ahead, I’ll clear the table. Have a good day.”I narrowed my eyebrows in surprise. Something was going on, mom never was nice to me. Why now all of the sudden? Especially when we’d been up fighting the night before. Exhaling sharply I stood up and glanced over at her. She was staring down at her plate. I glanced over at dad who still had his nose in the news paper he was reading. “Dad?” I inquired, feeling eerie over the silence that had encompassed the table. He glanced up at me. His dark green eyes were inquisitive. “Yes?” “You’re not mad at me?” I inquired. He cleared his throat. “Should I be Vanessa?” His eyes changed colors, going from dark green to a light green with the little bits of gold lighting them. I could never get past that gaze. It always made me squirm. I hung my head in shame and stated, “Last night mom and I got into an argument and I called her a bitch.” “You don’t say?” I shrugged my shoulders, “I was so angry because I wanted to go to that party and she told me no. I just wanted a little freedom.” I admitted. “Vanessa, we’ll talk about this when I get home tonight. You better get going.”I glanced over at my mom, “I’m sorry, mom.” She smiled, “I know, just go on to school before you get the tardy bell.”I exhaled sharply and took my empty plate to the sink.   ~ “I told you it was like reaping hot coals over her head.” Jordan stated to Denise that morning after their children had left. “Yes you did.” “My mom used to do that with me every time I got out of line.”“You didn’t get grounded?” Denise inquired. “I got beat, grounded and a good meal cooked for me. The beating was because I did something, the grounding so I’d remember what I’d done and not do it again and the meal, so I’d be thankful for the things I did have.” “Three in one, huh?” “It worked.” Denise stood up. “Well, I better get to the dishes.” Jordan grasped her arm gently, “There’s something I need to talk to you about, Denise.” Denise paused, “What is it?” “Well...” Jordan turned in his chair to face her. He said, “Come closer, I don’t want anybody over hearing us.” Denise laughed. “We are the only ones here Jordan.” Jordan pulled her closer anyway, “Are you sure about that?” Denise nodded her head, “Come on now, what are you up to?”He ran his hand down her back and over her bottom. “Nothing.” His hands squeezed gently and she smiled softly, “Nothing huh?” He squeezed the back of her thighs as he worked his way down the silk robe she wore. “Nothing at all.” Her eyes closed and her head fell back. Jordan felt her body move closer to him. He made it to the back of her knees where the robe ended and slid his hands underneath it. “You know I love you, right.” “Since we were sixteen years old.” “That’s a long time.” He stated. “Not long enough.” She gasped as his hand reached just below the cotton underwear she was wearing. “It’s not?” He asked, feeling his body begin to respond to hers as her heat radiated from up the robe. “No, it’s not.” “Hmmm, how long is enough?” “Til death.” Jordan laughed, “Yeah, I guess when one of us kick the bucket that will be long enough.” “Most definitely.” He’d worked his way to the inside of the fabric. Denise bit down on her bottom lip. He moved his other hand over her chest, squeezing at her breasts. An exhale told him the effect it had on her. Her eyes fluttered closed as his hand removed the opening of the robe and uncovered them. Whimpering, she reached out, grasped his head and pulled it toward her. This Prompted him to grab the robe and pull at it. Easily, the silk fabric slid down her body, to the floor. Denise swallowed and sat down on top of him. She whispered, “You’re going to be late.”   Another minute or two after, her eyes glued to his anatomy, she whispered, “It’s not like you have to be in court this morning.” Jordan grabbed her and pulled her forward, his hands squeezing her bottom. He loved the feel of the smooth flesh in his hands. His gaze traveled over her body and how it had went from the firm smoothness of youthfulness. To the full beautiful roundness of woman hood.   Denise had never been slender, but she did gain weight while pregnant with each of her children, so while she wasn’t as small as her size seven in high school, she’d gotten up to a size nine and he found himself loving it. Her roundness did nothing but heighten his attraction to her. Her body had developed a soft feminine feel to it and this he loved. It caused him to love her warmth and treasure the way her body felt against his. His gaze traveled the length of her body and he found his manhood responding. Her breasts were round and full as they stood against her chest. He could have sat there all day staring, but was interrupted by the beautiful smooth sensation of her sliding down over him. Denise didn’t think she would ever get tired of the loving she received from him.   The way their soul, heart, mind and body aligned when they were together was amazing. It intensified anytime they were together. She let out a groan when she’d slid down, filling herself with his long full member. Slowly she began to ground her hips into him. As she continued to stroke him, he enjoyed the feel of her tell tale juices as they made their presence known. Jordan moved his hips up to meet hers after a while and when he did, Denise felt her woman hood clench down on him.   He allowed a curse word to slip out and grasped her body tightly to his as he pulled her down harder on him. Denise wrapped her arms around him and whispered, “Mmmm, I like that.” She ground her hips into him the next time he pushed up into her. He grabbed her head and pulled it to his, covering his mouth with hers. When he did, Denise let out a loud swear and her body met with his once again, and she began to shake from the orgasm that suddenly swept through her. His arms tightened around her and Jordan felt and heard it as their bodies met one final time, bringing her to a climax that hit him so hard, he didn’t seem to have any choice but to meet hers. As his seed burst forth into her, he swore for a second time and kissed her again. He could feel the trembling in her body and his as he held her close to him. When they finished, Denise ran her hands over his short spiky black hair. He’d gelled it for work and the strands that were normally soft and thick were now hard from the gel. “I needed that baby.” “I know you did. So did I.” His tone held the usual deep relaxed drawl he’d inherited from being raised in the south. “ I think you should get cleaned up, you’re already late for work.”“Really? I thought I’d told Bridgett I wouldn’t be coming in till noon today.” He stated. Denise furrowed her brows, “You planned this?” He laughed and gave her a boyish expression that she’d fallen in love with during high school. “What can I say, I’m devious.” “What else did you plan?” She inquired, leaning in to him. He sighed and stood up. As he did so, his pants and underwear slid down his legs. Stepping out of them he swooped her up to take her to their bedroom.   ~ ~ Vanessa walked up to the front of the school where several of her friends waited, including Tamarah and greeted them as she did, “What’s up girls and guys?” She wanted to know. There was ten of them. Tamarah flashed a perfect smile at her and held up her hand in salute. “Hey, V.” “What happened to you Saturday Night?” Neicee, a friend of theirs asked. She among three other people outside of Tamarah and Tommy had been waiting for her at the party this weekend. Draneice o’neal was a tall, lanky, beautiful dark haired girl who had hazel brown eyes, that would shift from dark brown to light shades of green and then to blue like a chameleon, all the time. She was of both Indian and English heritage. She was what some would call model thin. And even though she had a slim figure, she preferred to dress in corduroy pants and stripe shirts. This she’d done since elementary school and since it was typical for her, no one ever commented on it, besides, in a way, Vanessa thought it fit her slim figure. It gave her the appearance of a seventies chick. She always wore matching shoes with them, which is what Vanessa figured spurred her attraction to those type of clothing. Today she wore a color combination of purple plum with white strips on a long sleeve blouse and purple plum colored pants with white keds, which made her outfit stand out. I know girl, but my momma had a bitch fit the other day. I swear, if I could have a different mother I would be happy dammit.” Vanessa hissed with irritation her tongue. “Be careful what you wish for V- You may regret it.” These words of wisdom came from Athena Marks, who’d already been through the thoroughs of parental divorce and then on to step mother phase. “Sometimes, what glitters isn’t gold, honey.” “Trust me, anything would be better than living with that woman.” Vanessa stated, pulling her back pack straps over her shoulder. As she spoke this, she thought about this morning and again mustered up the idea that something had definitely not been right with her parents. Her dad hadn’t yelled at her or said anything about her behavior and her mother had been so sweet, it made the pancakes she’d dripped in syrup and sprinkled with sugar look bitter. Sighing, she knew that her parents were up to something and bet that after school, she’d find out. “So V, why didn’t your parents let you go to the party Saturday night?”   Athena inquired. She cleared her throat and glanced over at Tamarah who looked uncomfortable and lost in her own thoughts. Athena gave a small smile to her, knowing full well why she looked that way. Athena who’d been toasted on the night of the party, recalled her sobering shock when she walked into the kitchen and seen Tamarah and Tommy pawing all over each other. She’d seen it and had been so surprised that she’d contributed it to them being drunk, however, when Tamarah had pulled away from Tommy during a moment of guilt-leaving Athena to witness with her own eyes him tell Tamarah to not act like she didn’t want him and pull her back to him, had her stumbling backward as she recalled how fervently Tamarah had kissed her best friend’s boyfriend.   The thing that intrigued her most is that Vanessa didn’t seem to notice the tension that displayed in her friend’s figure. As a matter of fact, she seemed oblivious to what was going on with Tamarah at all. The tightness of her mouth, the stiffness of body posture and even the sad look in her eyes when ever she gazed at her friend, all tale tell signs of guilt left Tamarah looking drained. Tsking silently to herself, Athena wondered what Vanessa would do if she found out what Tamarah had done with her boyfriend.   After the bell rang to dismantle the group, sending Tamarah and Vanessa into the same direction and the others splitting off, Tamarah flickered her long lashes over at her friend, “I think your mother over does it sometimes with the protectiveness, V- but I’m sure she means well.”   “Means well my butt, that woman wants to control every aspect of my life, without realizing that I’m not a little girl and I can make my own decisions now. I don’t know why she thinks I need her harping over my shoulder all the time. I’m not a five year old.” Vanessa fumed.   “I agree, you’re not..but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care for you.” Vanessa glanced up at her best friend, “What ever, T- you don’t have to worry about that. Your mother cares less what you do. You could go out partying every night and she wouldn’t care. Don’t turn in your homework and she wouldn’t even notice that you hadn’t until report cards were do.”   “That’s because she works a lot. Vanessa. I would kill to have someone even think of me the way your mother does you. My mom’s too busy trying to sale her way to the top of the corporate ladder to care about what I do. It’s not like we’re hurting for money, so it’s not because she works two jobs to support us, she just loves being on the top.” “I wish my mother had half the work ethic your mom does, maybe then she wouldn’t be all up in my grill trying to see what I’m doing all day every day. It’s sickening.” Vanessa made a disgusting face.” “Just be glad that she’s there for you the way she is. It would be great if my mom could check my homework each night to make sure it was done, prepared dinner every night and then washed my clothes sometimes. I feel like I’m the mother to her. I’m the one who cooks, cleans and do the laundry around the house because she’s never home to get anything done. Do you know last week she offered to employ a maid at our apartment?” Tamarah asked her tone incredulous. “She did?” “Yeah, of all things, she should be the one doing the job, not me, not the maid.” Tamarah’s tone was full of indignation. “I wish you and I could swap Tamarah, that would be cool.”“If I could, I would.” “Hey, baby.” both girls turned to look at Tommy Whitaker as he walked up to them. “Hey baby, how was your weekend?” Vanessa inquired, wrapping her arms around his neck, a smile crossing over her beautiful features.   Tommy felt his heart beat speed up at the thought of those penetrating green eyes glossing over once he got the chance to take her. He’d spent the entire junior high school years fantasizing about what it would be like to do a lot of things with Vanessa Williams, and one of those things was to search her eyes for that look of complete satisfaction when he would be able to engage himself into the folds of her woman hood. This still brought a blush to his cheeks when thinking about it. There was just something about her that made him salivate. His gaze flickered to her best friend, who was glancing at them or rather him, distastefully. He smiled and nodded his head at her in acknowledgment. While Vanessa was luscious in all the right places, Tamarah was just rippling with sensuality.   Although she was just as tall as Vanessa with a five nine height, her body weight was evenly proportioned at one thirty, she had the same assets as Vanessa, with more of a slender build. Vanessa had a senusually curvaceous build that she’d no doubt inherited from her mother. Tommy had seen her mother, and Vanessa was a physical embodiment of her mother. She was shaped exactly like her and outside of her eyes, chin and ears, she’d inherited her mother’s genealogy, needless to say, the girl was gorgeous. However as he looked at Tamarah, he felt something else overtake him, something very powerful. Anger.   Tamarah didn’t know if it was possible to hate anyone as much as she despised Tommy. He stood there with that damn smug grin on his face like he was the best man in the world, almost as though he deserved Vanessa and in her opinion, he didn’t. He didn’t deserve her best friend. A guy with his intentions didn’t deserve a girl so sweet and so loyal to him. She wondered if he felt any remorse over what had occurred over the weekend, but judging by his actions, he hadn’t. It sickened her to her stomach the thought that he would be willing to go on and pretend that nothing happened between them, that he could sit there and lie to Vanessa that way. What made Tamarah hurt worse however was the guilt she felt over knowing that although she despised Tommy and wouldn’t ordinarily succumb to his charms, that in a drunken state, she’d readily given into the heathen. Feeling her bile rise to her throat, she covered her hand over her mouth and without a word, ran away from Vanessa and Tommy, down the hall to the girl’s bathroom.         Chapter Three:   Vanessa POV: I may have looked like I wasn’t paying attention, but I was acutely aware of my boyfriend ogling my best friend. I even felt it when his body demeanor changed. It became more rigid when he looked at her. I know that he hated her and there was no bone in my body that didn’t doubt that Tamarah hated him with equal fervency. When she spoke his name, you could hear the hiss on her lips. However, as soon as she covered her hand with her mouth and ran to the bathroom, I turned to face Tommy. I was the type of girl who always had to double check, make sure my actions and thoughts both aligned. “Tommy.” I stated, my gaze turning to him. He gave me a smile, “Yeah, V?” “There’s nothing going on between you and Tamarah is there?” I inquired. He laughed and shook his head no. “Why would you think that baby? You know I only have eyes for you.” He stated, reaching out to me. I shrank back. Glaring up at him in the eyes, purely out of jealousy, I stated, “That’s what your mouth says, but your eyes have a tendency to roam.” His eyes became huge round dough balls. “Excuse me!” He exclaimed, flabbergasted. I put my hands on my hips and did that thing my mother does when she’s upset with my dad. “Don’t play with me, I saw you looking at her.” I stated. Tommy shook his head and with a laugh, he leaned down and placed a kiss on my lips. I immediately felt my body melt and all my thoughts fly full force out of the window. When the kiss subsided, I glanced up into his eyes, in which I was sure love was there and cleared my throat, “Maybe I exaggerated just a tiny bit?” He gave me that beautiful grin of his, his eyes shiny dark brown pupils, “A tiny bit? V- of all the audacity. You know how I feel about Tamarah. Trust me, I ain’t going no where.” He stated. I glanced up into twinkling eyes and allowed my thoughts to become screens of smoke in my brain.     Timothy Rawsin flickered his gaze to Tamarah. After Incessant praying and futile pleading, he still couldn’t seem to control the signs of attraction that stirred when ever he looked at her. He often times got lost in the visual prize he couldn’t help but notice with her. He was drawn to her skin. She had the most beautiful dark chocolate shade of skin he’d ever seen.   It was unblemished, perfect in his eyes. He tried to ask God to take away the desire for that beauty that he observed but it seemed to grab a hold of him at times and refuse to let go. He felt something in his spirit pull him toward her, but he knew by her crowd, her attitude and her style of dress that she wasn’t saved. She didn’t serve God the way he did. As a matter of fact, he doubted that she even went to church. He’d never even heard her mention God in any of her conversations with her friends.   He knew that as beautiful as she was, she was still off limits. Besides, for all the beauty she had, she couldn’t compensate for a christian woman’s character. He needed a woman who was saved because he himself had a fire in his spirit to serve and please God. That meant doing the things that God wanted, not what he wanted. Not that what he wanted and what God wanted were two different things, it was the exact same thing, except when it came to Tamarah. He couldn’t explain the desire he had to be near her, be around her, but he did know that a friendship was out of the question because his thoughts were anything but friendly toward her. He knew he didn’t want to steer off course and she would provide the distraction he couldn’t afford at the moment. His life was great. He’d became a christian two summers ago right before he’d been adopted by Carol and Benjamin Rawsin and he had to say, there was something about knowing and understanding the love of Jesus. Something about knowing that you could be happy, just to be happy and it didn’t require a significant incident to make you that way. Timothy had been the worst of the worst. He’d been a thief, a liar, a peddler, and all sorts of things, just to name a few. However, his life changed for the better when he moved into the Rawsin’s home. They’d shown him, compassion, love, discipline and who God was. All of those things he’d needed. Within six months   Timothy had shown signs of change and by the summer, he’d completely become someone entirely different. The scraggly long hair was gone. The various piercings gone, the sharp tongue, subjugated partially. Even now he had to refrain from speaking his mind too much; and the baggy ripped clothing were taken away. Aside the physical, there was a renewing of the mind and he found himself meditating in his bible all the time. His favorite thing to do was read his bible and then meditate on what he’d read.   Again, his gaze flickered to Tamarah and he sighed. She was a sight to behold. He loved the blue feather earrings she’d worn today, it accentuated the beautiful features of her face. His favorite color to see her in was blue. Today she wore sky blue. Sky blue earrings with matching eye shadow and a matching silk blouse that hugged her upper body in just the right way. The skinny jeans she wore accentuated the beautiful gentle curve of her hips and legs. He shook his head, turning his gaze to the classroom window. He felt like God was going to have to do something because the way he felt about her was anything but holy. He bit down on his bottom lip and grunted softly to himself. Life wasn’t fair.   Tamarah knew he watched her. She could feel it when ever his gaze found her. It was like sending an invisible hand to stroke down her back. What she didn’t understand was for all the staring he did, he’d never once spoken to her. Although she’d tried, she’d never succeeded at getting him to say one word to her. Often times she found herself wondering what was going on in that head of his and whether or not it was her imagining his attraction to her. She already knew his routine.   Once class let out, he would scoop his books up and dash out the door like someone was chasing him. She knew that at one point there had been a lot of young girls that liked him but they always complained that the only thing he seemed interested in was God. God this, God that, was all that came from his mouth, so those girls had lost their initial attraction to him and it was she who was left standing to carry that torch. She was impressed with him. The way he carried himself, the way he treated others and the way he seemed to respect everything around him. Yeah, she watched him enough to know that with him what you saw was definitely what you got, However, what she could not figure out was how to get him talking. She also knew she wasn’t one to back down from a challenge when she wanted something, and good Lord, she really wanted Timothy. That curly dirty blonde hair that went wiry over his head made her heart beat speed up when ever he walked into a room. It was because of that hair no one could ever mistake him. Those blue eyes never failed to make her swoon when ever she got the chance to look into them. They were so clear, so bright and unbelievably beautiful.   There was almost a spiritual quality about them that beckoned her curiosity. Tamarah shook her head and felt as though it was best to not allow her mind to roam into thoughts of that sinewy, hard muscled body connecting with hers or even being sculpted through her hands. She inhaled sharply, feeling her body respond to her thoughts. She wished with all her might that if there was a will, that there was a way to get Timothy into her grasp because she knew that once she did, he’d be hers and only hers. That she’d make sure of.   “Class, today I would like to introduce you all to a new project that we are going to be working on.” Mr. Wayne, their English lit teacher stated, drawing everyone, including Timothy’s and Tamarah’s attention up to the black board. Tamarah’s eyes widened. She didn’t know that you could be assigned partners in an English Lit class. What type of project could you possibly work on? As if answering that question, Mr. Wayne continued talking, “Here’s what I want you to do. I’m going to sign you into pairs. This assignment is a research project. I’ve paired off your partners already.” Some of the students groaned because they wouldn’t get to work with who they want. “I’ve paired you guys off with each other because the project should be easier to complete with a partner and also so that you guys won’t become overwhelmed with it’s specific requirements.” “Will it be fun at-least?” Brooke Couliver asked, The teacher smiled, “It involves watching a movie of your choice.” The teacher began. “However, I have narrowed it down to several films that were written in the nineteen nineties.” Scott Farrow, another student broke out in laughter, “Why would anyone want to watch films from that time, they all said the same thing.” “Kill, kill, kill.” His side kick and best friend, Adam stated. The students all laughed. Mr. Wayne cleared his voice and spoke above the students, “Well, you are in luck because the films on this list are entirely educational in one way or another, so there shouldn’t be any problems.” “Educational?” Adam’s and Scott’s laughter died down as well as the other students and a simultaneous groan was heard throughout the class. “Yes! Educational.” Mr. Wayne pushed his dark rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. Mr. Wayne had been teaching at Tiger Hill sense the early nineties. He wore a different suit everyday and his hair was thinning on top. He was an African American man who didn’t like the generation now any more than he had when he was growing up because it seemed everything grew worse with each generation.   The schools he’d attended as a child felt less like a prison than it did these days. At-least three officers were on the premises now. They each ran duty up and down the halls during class periods; just to ensure that there were no fights, no unauthorized visitors and that every student who walked in wore an ID tag. Only clear back packs were allowed and there was a strict dress code implied, not only for the students, but the teachers as well. There were no casual clothes allowed by administration on campus. Everyone wore elegant wear, which was stupid, because not all teachers were into elegant wear all the time. Mr. Wayne was one of the teachers who wasn’t, so, in his classroom, he always left the top button of his shirt undone, sleeves were rolled up and he always removed his jacket.   Mr. Wayne did love teaching English and he did appreciate the few good students he had in class. Of those students only five were freshmen. The others were juniors and Seniors . He reached inside the pine oak desk of his and pulled out a stack of papers. Handing them down the rows, he said, “The choice of film depends on the student and their interest, but remember, I want a thorough thesis on the film. This includes it’s writers, directors, actors, plot and the studio who produced the film. I also want the date the film came out either in theaters or released to video and I want you to tell me the significance of the film in it’s genre and what critics stated about the film and oh yes, I want your detailed opinion of the film itself and whether or not you thought the same as the critics did.   This is a six page paper project and you are to cite all sources of information according to the American Psychological Association. Details on format and structure of the paper are included in this document.” Another groan was issued by several students as they thumbed through the pages of the packet. “I know this is a lot of work which is why I’ve paired you off. I thought maybe you guys could decide who does the research and who write the paper. I want you all to work diligently on this and if there are any questions, please feel free to come by my office if you have any issues, or get stuck on the project. I tried to be as detailed as possible when explaining what I want in this paper. So, if I missed anything please don’t hesitate to stop in and see me.”   “Mr. Wayne, how long do we have to write this paper?”Mr. Wayne cleared his throat. “I’m giving you all till the week of prom to finish it. That’s the Twenty third of April. If it’s not done by then, you loose twenty five percent of your grade. I will give extensions to those who have a verifiable reason for not completing the project.” “Verifiable?” “Doctor’s excuse only. Read the conditions of accepting late papers. Now, with that covered, let’s move on to the next topic before the bell rang.” Tamarah glanced up at the clock. There was ten more minutes left of class and she knew Mr. Wayne would use every one of those minutes. “I have paired you up into groups of twos. Since there is twenty four of you in class, that wasn’t a difficult task. I expect you and your partners to exchange numbers and then schedule time outside of class to meet. I expect you to give me detail by Monday as to who will be doing what part of the assignment.” He grabbed his grade book and opened it to the page he had assigned the students in groups of two. After reading down a long list, when Mr. Wayne got to Timothy’s name, he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. Timothy raised his hand. “Yes. Mr. Rawsin?” The teacher inquired. “Who did you say my partner was?” Mr. Wayne glanced down at his grade book. “Tamarah Grey.”Timothy let out a big sigh and closed his eyes. How was he going to get by this one. A whole six weeks of being near her would be more than what he could handle.   Tamarah sat at her desk with a smile on face. Things were starting to look up. It had taken a while, but her prayers were being answered. She turned to glance over at him. Timothy had a blank look on his face. With a shrug of her shoulders, she decided that by the time this project was over, he’d definitely know without a doubt she liked him, however, whether or not he liked her would solely depend on him. Tamarah furrowed her brows. She didn’t know how she would take it if he said he didn’t like her. She’d never had that happen before. As a matter of fact, the mere thought of him not liking her made her heart sink. Something she couldn’t say happened too often. Again, her gaze flickered over to his but this time a look of worry was on her features as she thought of the possibility that he may not like her. ~ ~   Timothy stood up and gathered his books. He turned and was about to run out of the room when he nearly ran down the person in front of him. “Nice to see that you are still the same Timothy Rawsin.” Tamarah stated a hand on her hip. She looked up at him. He was a good five inches taller than she was. He cleared his throat, “How about we get together Tomorrow at the Library and pick out what film we want?” “I’ll do the research, you can write the paper.” Tamarah stated. “Excuse me?” Timothy glanced down at her with a look of surprise on his face. “I mean why not, when you are a better writer than I am.”Timothy narrowed his brows at her. “ A better writer?” “Yes. I’m a horrible speller.” “How would you know about my writing skills?” He inquired. She smiled, “Because I pay attention in class Mr. Daydreamer.”Timothy found himself blushing. Maybe he did daydream a little too much. However, if only she knew what about. “I pay attention Tamarah, I just am not sure it’s a good idea to allow you to do the research on this project.” Tamarah’s brows furrowed. “Why not?” She inquired. Timothy’s shoulders shrugged, “I don’t know if you’ve ever done research before and whether or not you will be able to find the information we need.” Tamarah crossed her arms over each other. “And why not Timothy Rawsin?” Her tone was crisped. “This is a junior senior level course and you’re a fresh-” Timothy started. Tamarah interrupted him,”I’m perfectly capable of doing this assignment. How do you think I got in here? I’m not a dummy.” Tamarah stated, swiftly becoming angered. Timothy sighed, his gaze going to hers. “I didn’t say you were but I do want to know if you are able to do this assignment the right way.” Tamarah grabbed her bag and pulled the straps over her shoulders. “I can do this Timothy Rawsin, it’s not rocket science.” “Well, we can get together tomorrow and decide what movie we want to view.” Tamarah’s mouth formed a smile. “That’s fine Timothy Rawsin. Let’s do that.” “Will you stop calling me by first and last name. Timothy is just fine.” Tamarah stepped closer to him, her feet nearly touching his, “I like Timothy Rawsin.”Timothy stared her in the eyes and swallowed nervously. His heart did flip flops as the smile she wore got bigger. He exhaled, turned and walked out of the door.                   Chapter Four:   “We’re having a revival this weekend at church, if any of you are interested, you’re welcome to come.” A young girl of about fourteen years old stated. She pulled a flyer from out of her hand and slid it onto the table amidst a group of girls who were laughing about something. She went from that table to the next, a group of cheerleaders, and took a flyer out and slid it onto the table. One of the girls picked it up and started reading it out loud. “Weekend Revival, at House of God, on Sunday March 13 2018 special guest Pastor Michael Renald from Burbanks California House of God Pentecostal Assembly.” “Sounds like fun.” Another cheerleader stated, her tone overly perky. Surprisingly, other heads began to nod. “Yeah, Kalen, can I have one?” Beverly Andrews stated, flipping her dark blonde hair over her shoulders. “Yeah, me too.” A football player stated.   After handing them their fliers Clarissa Max, a tall athletic African American girl cleared her throat uncomfortably. She was the most athletic girl on the team, nimble from plenty of years of gymnastics, palates, and dancing. Although Kalen knew it wasn’t necessary to give her one, she felt an urge in her spirit to do so. Kalen whispered,”Why? She knows the gospel.” As she hesitated, a voice spoke into her mind, “I did not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” Immediately overcome with sorrow, she handed Clarissa a flyer. Clarissa took the flyer and glanced down to look at it. As she did, she was momentarily distracted as papers crumpled and she heard it as they flew out at the young girl in front of her. Immediately she tucked her flier underneath her trapper keeper and howled along side the other students as they laughed at Kalen, who just stiffened her shoulders and hardened her eyes. “Don’t no body want to go to church with you you freak!” This came from a football player, Davion Matheson. “Yeah, what you want us to come out looking like you? No style what so ever?” “Take them clothes back to the good will.” Another voice stated, this was from Beverly Andrews. “ Blessed are you when they persecute you for my name sake.” A voice whispered in her mind, giving her comfort. Kalen found herself smiling at this. “Get out of here!” A voice stated. She glanced over at Davion Matthews and saw a hard look in his eyes. She glanced at him, her eyes soft and kind, “Jesus loves you too, Davion Mathews.” Davion felt a small warmth begin in his heart, but he pushed it down, pulling at the other emotion that was also there. “Why don’t you just go somewhere else! We don’t like you!” His tone came out harsh. Kalen cleared her throat and said in a sweet tone, her eyes running over all at that table. “It’s sad that the things you guys hold so dear to your heart means absolutely nothing, when compared to the glory of Christ.” Davion, who felt irritated by her, stood up and with all the anger he had in him, stated, “I don’t need to hear this bull crap, I’m out of here.” He stood up and took his plate, not knowing where he was going, but thankful that she wouldn’t be there. “Me too, I don’t want to hear this speech. It’s like the same recycled garbage over and over.” Beverley agreed as she stood and took her leave as well, following Davion. Slowly but surely, the entire table stood up getting ready to leave. The last one to leave was Clarissa, whom Kalen looked in the eye. As she did, Clarissa cleared her throat, “I really would hate to be you.” Kalen was astounded that her voice did not sound mean or even vindictive as usual, but it held some sort of sympathy for her. Kalen smiled, “I’m not worried. Christ says the world hated him. Why would it treat me any different? I have a peace in him and that’s all that matters.” She stated. As she said this, Clarissa wrinkled her brow, pausing next to the table as she got ready to take her leave. “But everyone hates you, Kalen. It’s so bad that no one likes you. Your brother they barely tolerate.” “That may be so.” Kalen stated, “But, my brother and I have something that you guys can’t even begin to comprehend...” She stated. Clarissa put her hand on her waist. “I don’t need you to tell me about Jesus. My family goes to the same church you go to.” “And yet you remain in sin, Clarissa. Trying to find your way to the top.”Clarissa laughed, “Sweetheart, I don’t need to find my way to the top. I am at the top.” “The top of what?” Kalen inquired. “The Captain of the cheerleading squad. I’m on the debate team, and darling I’ve lead our school to many state champion chips when it comes to the drill squad.” “Yeah, I suppose, but what about the fact that you only have one life, one soul? The fact that once you die, you can’t go and undue that Clarissa?” Clarissa shrugged, “If I only have one life, I may as well make the most of it Kalen, and serving God isn’t going to be beneficial to me. I don’t want to be treated like you. I don’t want to dress like you either. Have you taken a look in the mirror lately?” Kalen sighed and shook her head, “God doesn’t look at the out side appearance Clarissa. He looks at the heart and based on that alone, who do you think would win, me or you?” Clarissa pushed her straight hair over her shoulders. “This is why I left the church. Why I stopped going, you all think the same way. You all think you are holier than thou when it clearly says in the bible that none of us is righteous, we are all sinners.” She blurted out, immediately filled with anger, her tone defensive. Kalen sighed, “That’s true, atleast we “all” have the decency to admit that we have sinned and that we need Jesus, Clarissa. Nobody thinks they are better than you, but we happen to love the Lord and because we love him, we do what he asks us to do.” “Oh you mean openly walking around like the pharisees, letting people know that you are saved and condemning other people to hell because they don’t believe like you do?” Kalen felt the frustration begin to build up in her. “What would you have me to do Clarissa? Let people think that what they are doing what is right when you know, just as much as I know that there is an after life and we will all be judged according to our acts on earth. You, me, and everyone on this planet will. So excuse me if I feel like that matters more than boys, clothes, the mall and all those other frivolous activities you guys partake in on a daily basis.” Clarissa folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t believe what you believe. I don’t believe I’m going to hell.” “If not then why are you folding your arms and puffing out your chest?” Kalen inquired. Clarissa felt something in her heart explode. Glancing over at Kalen with anger in her eyes, she seethed. “I wish you would leave this school. Better yet this town, because honestly, I hate you. I wish you and your family would have stayed away. We really don’t need you here. You are like a parasite that infects everything it touches.” Kalen felt something so powerful well up in her that she just wanted to reach out and slap her and she opened her mouth to condemn Clarissa, when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and a sharp tone rose to her defense, scolding Clarissa as he spoke, “The stone the builders rejected, which means you Clarissa, has become the cornerstone. Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken, however, unfortunately for you who know the truth and don’t accept it, that stone is going to crush you.” Immediately Clarissa’s eyes went up to Kalen’s older brother and felt a trembling begin in her body. “Timothy Rawsin.” She hissed. Timothy’s eyes got hard, prepared for battle. “Have a nice lunch, Clarissa.” As Timothy turned his sister away from her, Clarissa was filled with so much indignation that she whispered, “I wish I could kill them. I wish that I could just wipe them off the face of the earth.” Even as she spoke this, tears pooled in the corners of her eyelids. She hated that they acted like Jesus was their everything. She hated that they acted like they were too good to be with the other kids. She hated that they acted like the only one that ever mattered was Jesus. Inhaling sharply, Clarissa admitted for the first time in her spirit that she hated Timothy and that she hated Kalen. They were too good. Too nice. Nobody should be like them. She didn’t know it just yet, but that hatred would open the first door of many.   ~ ~ “That girl makes me so angry.” Kalen whispered, finally allowing her tears to flow down her eyes as she and Timothy walked off campus after School. “I know. It’s hard to believe that you and her were once friends.” “Yeah before I decided to get serious about God. As I got serious, she drifted away more and more. Look at her. She’s a junior just like you and look at how she dress, how she act, how she is...” “Don’t judge her Kalen. You may not approve of her, but that doesn’t make you any better.” “I’m not saying I’m better, I’m just saying that everybody at that damn school act like they better than we are, that they are cooler because the girls wear mini skirts and heels and talk about boys and clothes and all that stupid stuff. It makes me sick that they can sit here and call us Jesus freaks, tell us they hate us and tell us that we are nothing because we believe in Jesus and obey the bible. I mean, Timothy, they even make fun of our clothes.” Timothy smiled, “Honestly sweetheart, they make fun of your clothes not mine. I wear jeans and t-shirts at times.” Kalen shrugged her shoulders, feeling the tears burn in her eyes, “Tim,” She whispered. “What’s wrong with the way I dress? I wear jeans and a t shirt too.” Timothy smiled, “More often than not you wear long skirts that don’t go above your knees. You wear no make up and the shirts you wear, let’s say they are a bit out of date.” Kalen smiled up at her big brother. “What are you trying to say?” He held his hand up in a truce, “Nothing, just that I love you the way you are.” “Long skirts and all?” She whispered. “Yep, long skirts, nappy hair and no make up and out of date shirts. I love you because it’s you.” Kalen laughed, “Aww, thank you.” “However, I have to ask why you always wear your hair platted in those same two french braids. I mean, you have been wearing french braids since we first met.” As Timothy looked down at her, he recalled how they’d first met when he was thirteen and she was ten. She’d been wearing two french braids like the ones she wore now and jeans, a disney princess T-shirt and a pair of keds. When he first saw her, he thought she was cute until she opened her mouth, then she became annoying, always wanting him to talk to her and spend time with her. He remembered how at one point he found himself hiding from her. It was strange because he’d be rude and disrespectful to the Rawsins, his adoptive family and she would always chastise him for it, so he not only stayed in trouble with the Rawsins, but he was always reprimanded by Kalen. She was just ten years old, scrawny and seemed to have more wisdom than he’d had being her senior. He tried telling her that she had to listen to him but she just gave him a roll of her eyes and said, “What for? You’re just gonna get me in trouble.” Timothy remembered the laugh that had racked his body so hard that he couldn’t stop laughing for days after that. It was then he admitted to himself that he liked this tiny girl with a bold flair for the truth. She was so honest and smart that it had tripped him out then. Now he’d watched her bloom into an oracle for the Lord. When she spoke she brought conviction with her words. She knew her bible, since she was always reading and she had such a bold stance on confrontation. This young lady was not afraid of anyone and she was so sure in her heart of what was right and what was wrong that it blew him away. He owed her a lot of thanks for strengthening him over the years. She’d been his rock, until a year and a half ago, when he decided to get serious about the Lord himself. He never thought that he’d have the fire he had today within a year and a half of being saved. It made him feel good to know that he was serving the Lord with all his might. He couldn’t think of anything better. A brief pick up in the wind, brought something sweet and flowery scented to his nostrils. He felt the speed of his heart beat pick up, the pounding began in his ears. He closed his eyes and exhaled sharply, trying to still the thundering of his pulse. Opening his eyes, he whispered, “Why me Lord?” Walking in front of them, already on the next block, Tamarah and her best friend Vanessa were walking arm and arm talking discreetly about something. He found his eyes roaming up and down the back of her body. His mind started to go on a trip of it’s own. He felt the tingling that began in his body as he scoped out that beautiful slender chocolate neck of hers, made even more alluring by the bun she wrapped her hair in between the last time he’d spoken to her and him seeing her now. He couldn’t wrap his head around how someone as young as she was could look as beautiful and tempting as she did. Her slender frame was so perfect and contoured in such a way that he couldn’t help but thank God for having made someone as perfect as her. His gaze wondered over wide hips and over her jean clad bottom. “If one eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. For it’s better to go into heaven with one eye than to have your whole body cast into fire.” Those words caused Timothy’s skin to turn so many shades of red that he looked over at his younger sister. “I wasn’t doing nothing.” “But you were thinking it.” He stared over at her. “There is no harm in thinking.” “The devil is a lie.” She stated, her tone breaking off into laughter. “Don’t make me rebuke you Timothy Rawsin." Timothy laughed at her, “Alright Ms. Rawsin. I can’t wait til the day you see talk dark and handsome. I would love to see how many scriptures come flooding in your mind then.” He stated. Kalen laughed, “I hope to God it won’t be anything like how you stare at Tamarah.” Timothy cleared his throat, his eyes going back to her. “Cut me some slack K.” “I’ll cut you some slack when you start acting normal. I swear, since you first saw that girl, you have been weird. As a matter of fact, she’s the one girl I notice you will absolutely not allow yourself to get close to. You’d talk to any girl before you would her. By now, Tamarah and her friend were two blocks ahead of them and turning off one of the side streets. “It’s because that girl is the epitome of perfection for me and I try Kalen. I try so hard to obey God, but the more I see her, the more I want her and it’s driving me crazy.” Kalen laughed, “I suppose it’s a good thing that you only have to see her in school then.” Timothy cleared his throat, “As of this morning, she and I are assigned partners for a big English assignment that we have.” “You need me to intervene on your behalf?” “With some luck, we can just do our separate parts of the project and then put them together the day they are due. Breaking our communication down to a minimum.” Kalen laughed, “Really? What if God wanted her in your life?” Timothy laughed. “Not after that party, at-least not according to the gossip grape vine.” “What do you mean?” Inhaling sharply, he explained to Kalen what he had heard between Athena Longfort and Draneice O’Neil the afternoon during their lab class. The good thing about not being with the in crowd was that Timothy and Kalen knew what was going on in the school better than most people because they weren’t so wrapped up in the drama. The thing was they’d always said they would never discuss what they heard with anyone, just take it to the alter, in a way, protecting the people at school. However, there was sometimes when they found it so unbelievable that they discussed it themselves and usually thanked God even more that they weren’t involved, but this time, as Timothy spoke, he felt a deep sorrow overtake him. He knew that Tamarah and Tommy could not stand each other. That was known everywhere, and should this tad bit of information get to Vanessa it could destroy their friendship. After he finished telling her what he heard, Kalen glanced up at him, “And you still like this girl?” Timothy cleared his throat. “It’s not like that with them Kalen, you know that.” “Yeah, but that’s her best friend. I don’t see how anyone could do that to their bestfriend.” Timothy shrugged, “They were drinking. You know how people get when they drink.” Kalen shook her head, “no I don’t. My biological donor used to beat me sober. Never once did she take a drink.” Her tone was a bit hard at this. Timothy placed his arm around her. “Well, I do. My mom made me an expert at it.” He spoke this with no feelings of resentment. He was glad he’d gotten a chance to feel what real love was like. “Well...even still...she drinks.” “According to Draneice they had Jello shots at the party that had been made with an alcohol cocktail.” “Oh. That’s crazy.” Kalen stated. She didn’t even know that people did stuff like that. “I know.” “However, Timothy, she is really pretty and I think that if she got saved, she could be a good match for you.” “But she’s not.” Kalen shrugged her shoulders, “God can do any and beyond all things, my brother.”“Amen, sister.” Timothy smiled at that. Although he couldn’t see Tamarah stepping foot inside a church to save her life, he did agree with the fact that God could do anything. Even show Tamarah the type of love he offered.         Chapter Five: Vanessa POV: “I swear Vanessa, that boy is so fine he just makes me want to jump on him and do all kinds of things to him.” I laughed at imagining this. Ever since Tamarah laid eyes on Timothy the start of their freshman year, she’d been drooling over him. She was hopelessly addicted to a guy she couldn’t have. The only guy she ever talked about was Timothy. Timothy this, Timothy that. She was so obsessed with him that on days like this, I found myself in fits of hysteria at the peculiar dramatics of the situation. “I’m serious girl, I’d sale my left arm to get a hold of that man. He just seems like a dream to be with. Besides looking like one of those Greek statutes you see in roman history, he is just absolutely the most beautiful, sexiest, and respectful man I’ve ever met. I’ve never even caught him staring at my body the way most guys do you know.” I laughed, “That’s because he don’t do anything but read the bible. I bet if you guys went out all he would do is tell you you need to get saved and that your soul is going to burn in hell.” “So he loves Jesus. That’s not necessarily bad because he’s a sweetheart.” “I bet if you kissed him he’d probably rebuke you.” Tamarah laughed, “Yeah, I know. He’d probably get baptized or something.” I laughed, feeling my stomach begin to rumble hard. “ I know girl.” “But still though, Vanessa, he is so peaceful and I mean just being around him for me is amazing. Even if he never say anything to me.” “What?” I asked, “What do you mean he never say anything to you?” “He says hello and goodbye.” Tamarah stated. “Really?” I inquired, “Why?” Tamarah sighed, “I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t like me the way I like him.” I shook my head, “No, that can’t be it.” “What do you mean? It can and it probably is.” “Tamarah, have you seen the way he just stares at you when he see you? I swear it’s almost like he’s in love.” Tamarah laughed at my words. “Thanks for making me feel better V.” “No, I’m serious. I’ve seen him staring at you quite a bit lately. I mean, I’m no expert in love but he stares at you the way my dad stares at my mom. Come to think of it, you stare at him the way my mom stares...uhk!!!”   I didn’t even want to allow myself to think of the thoughts that go through her head. As much as I couldn’t stand my mom and I wanted her and my dad apart, I couldn’t deny that she loved him. I sometimes felt as if they loved each-other in an abnormal way. I couldn’t imagine my mom and my dad selling each other out the way most of my friends parents did. They would rather kill themselves than be apart from one another. As I pondered on this, I wondered why they were like this. It made no sense to me for them to be as tightly wound together with one another the way they were. “V- you’re not listening.” Tamarah cut in to my thoughts. “Yes, I am.” I stated. “What did I say?” She inquired. I rambled my brain, coming up empty handed. “um...” “Yeah, as I said, you weren’t listening.” I laughed, waving my hands at her, admitting the truth. “Alright, I’m listening now. What were you saying?” “Never mind. While you were in la-la land, we’ve already made it to your house.” I sighed, “I’m sorry, T- I just got momentarily distracted thinking about my own parents.” “oh, ok. Well, I’m going to head on home. I guess I will talk to you later. I feel beat.” “School will do that to you.” “Parents just don’t understand how demanding school is. Getting up at the crack of dawn, staying in school all day and then coming home. That’s a full time job.” I laughed, “Tell me about it. They think they got it hard. At-least they can do what ever they want.” “That’s not always the best.” “I would give everything I am for a little bit of breathing room. My mom can be overbearing sometimes. But, I have to go now, because I’m supposed to get in right after school.” “The Vanessa I know would be going in kicking and screaming.”I laughed. “Normally I would, but my mom was just way too nice this morning. I want to see why she was.” “Alright then, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”   I watched a smile cover Tamarah’s face. During times like this, I felt a bit inferior to her because when Tamarah smiled, her opal colored eyes sparkled and her smile was so beautiful it stopped everyone in their track. She was a beautiful shade of chocolate that was like a dark maple wood seeped in rain. WWhich contrasted with my popcorn colored skin tone. Where my hair was naturally curly and wiry all over, hers had been permed straight, something- get this- my father refused to allow me to do. He has an obsession with black people’s hair, especially my mother’s, which is weird because although she keeps hers long, it’s a lot more tightly coiled than mine and often times when washed fluff out to a big bush! Literally. I bet you could probably hide a flower plant in her hair, that’s just how thick and long it is. It goes down past her shoulders now. Mine only goes to the very top of my shoulders, because I get it trimmed every two months, at-least he let me do that. Taking in Tamarah’s hair, her eyes looked like slits compared to mine, I would say she definitely looked every bit of her of her Native American and African ancestry. She was stunningly beautiful. Now, I wouldn’t say this about any other girl, but she is my best friend and I can admit that. Anyhow, I wave to Tamarah, telling her goodbye and then go into the house. As soon as I arrive in the house, I am glancing around the kitchen with bulging eyes, confused because I know mom would never leave the house like this. Breakfast dishes were piled up in the sink. The kitchen table still had the condiments from breakfast left on it, even the butter had dripped over the table and was running over now. As I took a step closer to inspect further, I slid a little and had to balance myself to keep from falling. Glancing down, I saw that the butter had melted onto the floor and currently there was a long streak fallowing where I’d slid. I glanced over at lunch dishes that had been left on the table and felt vexed. This is why she was nice to me this morning. She was planning to leave the mess for me to clean up when I got home.   Closing my eyes and inhaling sharply, I walked away from the kitchen to take my things through the stairwell that was located off the kitchen to my bedroom upstairs. When I got to my room, I hung my bag on a hook attached to the back of the closet door and placed my coat on a hanger. Glancing around my room, I found solace in the fact that my domain remained comfortable, my things untouched and as I had left them this morning. This was a benefit I could see to being grounded. I actually had my own privacy. Letting out a sigh, I turned to my door and glanced at it. It looked weird. I stared, trying to figure out what the difference was, when finally the difference dawned on me. The door, which usually was closed and had a glittering sign stating for everyone to knock when entering was gone. I laughed at this. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”   Going to the door, I grasped for the portion of it that normally allowed me to pull the door close while sliding on its track. There was no smooth groove that my hand could pull it out of. I couldn’t believe this. Out of all the times mom had gotten mad at me, never, ever had she taken my door off. I felt for the wooden panel that locked the door to keep it form coming out. There was none. My hand ran along the the frame of the door. “MOM!!!!” I screamed out in confusion, panic and furry. If there was anything a teenage girl needed, it was her privacy. ~ ~ “Mom, I’m home!” Tamarah yelled as she entered the house, although she knew there would be no answer. There was never an answer, only empty silence. The big two story condo she shared with her mother was more of a home to her than it was to her mother, since her mother couldn’t manage home life from work life. “I thought you should know that I aced my Chemistry test today!” Tamarah stated to no one in particular. She threw her book bag over in a corner of the immaculate living-room, and flopped down on the mauve colored leather sofa and grabbed the remote. Turning on the 50” flat screen television that was mounted to the wall, she turned it to her favorite show. Full house, a show that had ended in the nineties but still was popular on CBS and NBC. Her favorite character on the show was Kimmy, who was a lot like her in the sense that she constantly lived over the Tanners house. The Tanners were a family that was run by a father, his step brother and best friend, who helped the father take care of his three daughters.   Tamarah loved this show because it was so funny and although the family was a little strange, it beat sitting in the house by herself, with nothing to do. She found comfort in having the television on, at-least then it looked like someone was home. As she giggled throughout the episode playing, she found her thoughts drifting to the party Saturday night and to what had occurred between her and Tommy. She hated herself for giving in to what he wanted. She considered herself to be better than that. More than just that though, she hated having to look at Vanessa and speak to her knowing what she’d done with her boyfriend. She already knew that if Vanessa found out, she would cut off their friendship. She would cut off Tommy and for some weird reason, Tamarah had the faintest idea that Tommy would go crazy. What Vanessa saw as love and compassion, Tamarah saw as unadulterated rage.   Vanessa would have a stalker on her hands if the truth was ever to be revealed to her. However, even as she thought this, the idea of her friend sharing herself with Tommy upset her because she saw that what he felt for Vanessa was lust. Pure and simple. He just wanted her because he was obsessed with her. She let off a shiver, and got up from her seat as the episode she’d been watching ended and a Crest toothpaste commercial played.   As she went into the kitchen to make herself something to eat, she contemplated between telling Vanessa and not telling her, especially since either way she would see the real Tommy emerge. Going to the fridge, she grabbed the small package of chicken she’d set out the night before and took it to the sink.   After washing the chicken in clear water, she set the pieces on paper towel and dried them. As she waited for them to dry, she went through a flour container that was part of a set of four jar glasses and then grabbed several seasonings from the cabinet. Afterward, she turned on an aisle on the stove, watching as the pilot lit automatically. She placed a cast iron skillet on the burner and filled it halfway with oil. After using the season in moderation, being sure to coat the entire chicken, she dipped it in flour and returned back to the oil which now was sizzling in the pan. Placing the chicken in the hot oil, she filled the entire pan with the four pieces of chicken she’d coated before turning the burner down to a medium high heat to allow it to cook.   While she did that she put on a pan of water for rice. She gathered rice from it’s container. After five minutes, the water was brought to a boil. Taking the measured cup of rice, she emptied it into the pan. The green beans were taken out, fresh from the freezer, she put them in a pan and put half a stick of butter in them and allowed them to saute with minced onion and garlic and with salt and pepper for extra flavor. This completed the ensemble for her meal. Fried chicken, rice and green beans for dinner.   She’d been cooking for all but ten minutes when there was a knock at her door. Clearing her throat, she walked out of the sizable kitchen and back through the living room, her feet soft on the cream colored carpeting. Going to the door, she inquired, “Who’s there?” “It'’s me Tommy.” A voice stated from the other end. “What are you doing here?” She inquired, curious to know. “How did you find out where I live?” If there was anything she knew, Tamarah had never had Tommy over to her house before. Not by invitation, nor by complementary of Vanessa. A sigh was heard as a voice cleared. “I need to talk to you.”“How did you get my address?” She asked. “The phone book.” He replied, Tamarah put a hand on her hip and removed the chain from the door, opening it. Looking him square in the eyes, she said, “My address isn’t listed in the phone book, so how did you get it?” He sniffed twice and wiped his hand over his nose. Glancing at Tamarah with red bloodshot looking eyes, he said, “I looked it up.” “”You looked it up? Why? I don’t want you knowing where I live at.” “I just came over here to make sure that everything was ok between you and me.” Tamarah’s hand went to her hip and she frowned both brows at him. “Ok between you and me? Tommy, this is bull shit. You know I don'’t like you, so why you come over here like this?” “I just wanna know if you told Vanessa about what happened with us.” “Get out.” Tamarah stated, her tone firm. She found him severely irritating and he looked as if something was wrong with him. Tommy reached out and grabbed Tamarah’s arm, “All I want to know is if you told Vanessa anything, now did you?” His voice became louder on the “did you” part, almost irrational. Tamarah pulled her arm back, giving her response in the process, “Naw I didn’t tell her, so you can go now.” He stepped close to her, his eyes darting back and forth aimlessly, as if trying to decide if she was telling the truth. “You ain’t lying are you?” “Tommy get out my house man, my mom’s going to be here any minute.” “Let me know you’re being straight up and I’ll leave.” Tamarah rolled her eyes. “I didn’t, now get out of here. It’ll be worse for you if she come here and you’re here. What is she going to think then?” Sniffing a third time, he cleared his throat, “Alright, man, but don’t say anything to her.” “Go.” Tamarah stated, ushering him toward the door. He put his hands up when he reached the door and looked back at her, “I just wanted to know, you know what I’m saying?” Tamarah slammed the door shut, shivers going up and down her spine. He repulsed her to no avail. Even she had a hard time believing that in that one moment he’d managed to convince her to do what he wanted. She shivered filled with disgust. Inhaling sharply, she locked the chain and bolt and turned back around to get back to the meal she was preparing.           Chapter Six:   “I can’t believe you took my door off mom.” “Neither can I Vanessa.” My mom stated as I shot a piercing gaze at her that night during dinner. My dad had just come in a half hour ago and was now taking a shower, while we were sitting down, filling our plates. My mother had chosen to make Enchiladas with southern style baked beans and a mixed veggie dish. My brother Craig was cracking up over my current predicament. For a ten year old, he could be pretty annoying at times. “Shut up!” I yelled at him. Mom glanced over at me, her gaze equaling the fury in my own eyes, “Don’t talk to him like that Vanessa, or else I’m going to add cleaning out the garage to your list of chores.” “I still can’t believe you took off my door.” I stated. “I didn’t take off your door.” “Who took it off then? I need my privacy. I’m fourteen years old and I can’t get dressed without doors, that’s a little bit childish, don’t you think?” “Not any more childish than that stunt you pulled last night.” “I apologized for that this morning mom. I thought you forgave me for it.” “You know what Vanessa, an apology from you really means nothing because the way you are talking to me hasn’t changed, your attitude toward me hasn’t changed.” “Well mom, I can’t help it if you are a bitch sometimes.” “Say one more word to your mother like that Vanessa, and I will be washing your mouth out with soap.” My dad stated as he came into the dining room smelling fresh from his shower. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but it needs to stop or I’m just going to have revert back to the old fashioned ways of doing things.” “We wouldn’t want that now would we?” I inquired sarcastically. “Saturday you can spend your entire day cleaning out the garage”, my mom stated. “Dad!” I whined. “Vanessa don’t whine about it now. You should have closed your mouth when she asked.” I folded my arms over my chest, my gaze hot like lava, “So first you take my door, now you giving me the garage to clean after I had to slave over the kitchen this afternoon? Not to mention the large heaps of laundry downstairs in the basement.” “I am the one who took your door off, Vanessa. When you start acting your age and acting like you have some common sense then you will get that door back, but until then you will not be getting it back. As a matter of fact, it was your mother who convinced me to let you keep your sheets and blankets.” I pushed my chair out and listened as my fork dropped to the table and clinked as I got ready to storm out. My dad stood up and in a swift movement of his hand, he grabbed my arm, holding it tightly. “Dinner’s not over yet, sit down.” I stared him in the eyes, my stormy eyes matching his. I said, “You’re hurting me dad.” “You don’t care about the hurt you cause others with your mouth, but you want to tell me that I’m hurting you?” He snorted at this. “Now...” His tone held some authority in it,“As I said before, sit down, eat your dinner and then you can go sulk, because if you try to leave this table, you will end up embarrassing yourself.” Although his tone was calm, the words were precise enough with anger for my ears to burn with sensitivity. I stared him in the eyes. His gaze was unwavering. After thirty seconds, I started to feel scared for myself. I could see that he meant what he said. Swallowing my nerves, I sat back down. He let go of my arm and went back to his seat that was next to mine and said, “Vanessa you will not behave like this any longer. I will not accept it. You are lucky that your mom has a lot of patience when dealing with you, because I don’t. Mine is running thin and you are going to make me start using my belt.” Tears welling up in my eyes, I looked over at him. “A belt!” I shrieked, my tone disgusted. “I’m too old for a belt.” He stared me in the eyes, his a lot more colder than mine and said, “If that’s the truth, you better start acting like you are too old for the belt and show your mom some respect because the way you are acting will not get you any pity in my book.” I watched as his hand smacked the table with force, causing even my little brother to jump in fear. “It’s only making me angrier. She had you, you didn’t have her.” I got quiet and lowered my gaze to the plate, the tears still rolling down my eyes. ~ ~ The following day at school, as Kalen was passing out fliers to a group of girls who were known to be in the “goth” click, she was tracked down by Tamarah, who’d found out that their church was having a revival that week. “Ey, Kalen, Can I get a flier?” She wanted to know. “What?” Kalen asked, making sure she had heard correctly. Tamarah, no matter how many times Kalen had passed out fliers that year for events at church, had ever even accepted one and now here she was asking for one. “You want a flier?” “Yeah. I do. I’m a student here to you know.” “Mmm, hmmm, you sure this don’t have anything to do with my brother?” She inquired, her gaze telling that she already knew. Tamarah denied with a shake of her head, “I need Jesus to Kalen, I’m a sinner myself.” Tamarah knew that she didn’t even really know what a sinner was, but she’d heard enough of the word to know they used it a lot. Kalen pursed her lips and said, “Now you and I both know that God can just come down here and strike you dead for the hidden lie in those words.” Tamarah inhaled, holding in her laughter, “I’m not lying, I do want to come, besides, it sure beats sitting at home everyday this week by myself.” She knew that was partially true, since she did hate sitting at home by herself, but her biggest reason was because of Timothy. She just wanted to see how he acted when he was in church. Was he the same way there as he was here, or was he different? That’s why she wanted to go, so she’d be able to see who he was since he wouldn’t come to her. The last time they’d talked to one another, it had been on the phone and even then it was brief to confirm their meeting in the library on Monday. Kalen glanced at Tamarah and could see what made his brother attracted to her. She was easily one of the prettiest girls in school. She was what they called model material, because she had the tone, the face, the body and everything that men liked, but she also know that the one thing her brother searched for was lacking in her. Inhaling sharply, Kalen cleared her throat. “Tamarah?” “Yeah?” “Be honest, are you going to church because of my brother?” She wanted to know. Tamarah exhaled and leveled seriously with the young lady. Stepping closer to her, she said, “Look, I’m not going to lie, if I didn’t admire your brother so much, I wouldn’t be going to church. So, while a big part of me really does want your brother and when I say I want him, believe me, I want him, I am curious as to why he is the way he is. He is such a beautiful man to me. He’s respectful, caring, kindhearted and loving in a way that I’ve never seen anyone in this school be.   I mean that’s sad considering half the school go to the church, but from what I can tell, only you and your brother really believe in what’s being preached there, and I want to see what is it that he believes. Why is it that he looks radiant to me. I look at him and I see something that just looks clean to me and I like that. He looks so peaceful. I’ve never seen a guy that was just cool being by himself and he seem to be that way and I want to know why. I want to know why after all these times people made fun of you guys and said some mean stuff about ya’ll including me, why ya’ll still believe what ya’ll believe and why it makes ya’ll so aggressive about getting the word out. Ok?” “Well that’s easy, Tamarah. We believe in Jesus.” Tamarah furrowed her brows in confusion, “it’s that simple huh?” Kalen smiled, hearing the sarcasm in her voice. “Actually, it is that simple. You do know about Jesus right?” Tamarah shrugged, “He was a guy that lived a long time ago and he suffered a crucifixion at the hands of pontius pilot.” “Ok, what else do you know about him?” “The wikipedia said he died for the sins of the world.” This was very confusing because she didn’t even know she had a sin. “Yeah, he did. Do you know what that means?” Tamarah stumbled over herself trying to frame an answer in her mind, but the truth was she couldn’t. She was still stuck on the fact that she had sin. What was sin? “Well, not technically, because I didn’t know I had sin, what ever that is.” Kalen let out a compassionate sigh. “Sin is to transgress against God.” “How do you do that?” Kalen smiled. The more she spoke, the more Kalen was starting to like her. Going over to her, Kalen explained, “When a person lies or steal or have sex without being married or hurt another person, those are examples of what sin is.” “Well I don’t see what that’s got to do with God.” Tamarah stated, her mind already building up so many questions. “It has everything to do with God, Tamarah. He created us. So if he say that we sin, then we sin.” Tamarah said, “Well, what if I didn’t believe in God, would I still be sinning?” “Sin is sin, whether you acknowledge it or not.” “Ok...Well, does everybody sin?” “I’ve never met anyone who didn’t in my life.” “What’s that suppose to mean?” “It means that all people have done something wrong in their life.” “Hmmm...” Tamarah furrowed her brows. Her mind went to her mother, who often spoke like she believed in God. She always told Tamarah that she should thank God for whatever she got, and while Tamarah didn’t see a point to that when the one thing she wanted more was her mother, she just kind of ignored that. “So, what are we supposed to do about our sin then?” “Give it to Jesus.” Tamarah laughed at this. “Give our sins to a dead man? That’s stupid Kalen.” She continued to laugh at this. “It would be stupid if he were dead.” Kalen stated. This caused Tamarah to stop laughing and she dropped her head and looked at Kalen as if she was crazy. “What do you mean he’s not dead? He died on a cross back in 67 a.d. If that’s not dead, I don’t know what is.” Kalen was impressed with her retainer of memory. “Well he died physically, but not spiritually. His soul didn’t die.” Tamarah reached up and scratched her head, wondering what she was talking about. Just then the bell rang, signaling the end of the free period in between. “Well, I guess, I better go. I have to go to my next class.” Tamarah stated, not caring that she would be late showing up. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute. While part of her said that she should look the other way, there was another part of her that said she should listen to Kalen’s peculiar story. As she walked away, she wondered how a guy named Jesus could take someone else sin if he was a sinner. That was weird. Kalen said that everyone was a sinner so that meant Jesus had been a sinner too right? She tried to think of why a man who was a sinner wanted to take away someone else sin? She wanted to know what Kalen meant by saying he was physically dead but his soul was alive. She didn’t understand how someone could be physically dead and still be a live. It made no sense. ~ ~ Timothy had shut himself off in the library and was reading his bible when he heard someone plop down right in front of him. Still, he continued to read. “What are you reading in there Timothy?” Timothy exhaled and glanced up at the person speaking to him. It was Tamarah. “What?” “I said what are you reading. I would like to know.” Timothy paused for a second and then found a smile manipulating his features as he thought of her question. Bold. He liked that. “I’m reading about the prophet Samuel.” “Who is that?” He saw the curiosity in her eyes and his brows furrowed. The last thing he expected was for her to ask him about what he was reading and now who, took the icing off the cake. “Well, Samuel was a Hebrew prophet who was ordained to be a servant in the Lord’s temple when he was a baby.” “Is the Lord the same as Jesus?” Timothy found this funny. “What?” She inquired, not sure what was so funny about the question. After his amusement died down, Timothy shook his head no. “God.”   “So what about him serving in God’s temple?” Tamarah asked, her gaze going to him. Her eyes stared at the different loops in his hair and how they went every which way. Now with the light dim in the library it looked more dark brown than the blondish tint that came through during the summer. Her gaze ran over his face as he continued to talk. “Well Samuel’s mother named was Hannah and she couldn’t have any children, so she prayed in the temple day and night for a child and one day she told God that if he blessed her with a child she would give that child back to him by having the child serve in the temple.” As Tamarah listened, her focus shifted in and out from Timothy to the story.   His skin tone was a beautiful bronze contrast to her darker tone. As her eyes met his face, she felt her breath catch. His eyes were a beautiful sky blue color that blended well with the narrow forehead, longer middle area and angled at the bottom. His lips were thin but they were still shapely. As she listened to the story and saw the animation as he spoke about Samuel, she couldn’t help but give her own pleasant smile. His tone was soft yet beckoning, as it invited her into another world with the prophet. His belief was evident in the pleasurable tone of his voice. As she sat there and listened, Tamarah knew that no matter what it took she would find a way to make him a permanent fixture in her life. The way he told the story gave her the ability to visualize what he was speaking. Timothy watched Tamarah’s face as he told her about Samuel. He could see that she enjoyed listening to the words he spoke, that they seemed to be sinking into her brain as he relayed to her one of his favorite characters in the bible. When he finished, Tamarah smiled at his adaptation of the story of the prophet Samuel. “So, that’s your favorite story, why?” Timothy sighed, “Because he never was afraid to tell the truth. Samuel was constantly on his p’s and q’s about what God wanted and that’s what I like. He was afraid one time and then after that once, he was always bold about the truth.” Timothy stared into her face, her beautiful brown eyes were sparkling with curiosity in them. He loved seeing that look. It was as if she was turning more than one wheel in her head about the story. He could see that she was trying to come to her own conclusion. Her long hair was flowing past her shoulders. The silky black strands contrasted beautifully with the deep colors in her skin. The flesh looked smooth and tender. It had not one blemish on it. As he took in the deep angles of her features, he was even more drawn into the specific curve of a low forehead, beautiful high cheekbones and lips that were soft and plump without having to be full. As his eyes strayed a bit lower to her neck, he found himself wondering what it would be like to run his hands across the smooth swan like length of her neck. He imagined he could place several delicate kisses there. It was her clearing her throat that caused him to glance back up into her eyes and feel his heart catch in his throat at the sheen and innocence that was in them. He was simply amazed at how beautiful she was. “I...um..I...” Tamarah couldn’t clear her mind well enough to allow her speech to proceed forth from her mouth. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t recall what it was she’d been about to say. Those deep blue eyes of his seemed to penetrate her soul and she felt confused. The pounding in her ears had never been so loud before and the moisture on her skin seemed to amplify in measures. As she was caught in those eyes, she felt something question her spirit. It questioned whether or not she could be with him. As she stared into his eyes, she knew undoubtedly that she could. She would go to the moon and back if she had to to be with him. She felt an assured confirmation that this young man, although only seventeen would be the last man for her. She couldn’t see herself in that moment ever being so enthralled with someone the way she was him. Exhaling sharply, she closed her eyes and counted to ten. She didn’t know him, but felt the love for him in her spirit. Opening her eyes a few minutes later, she was shocked to discover that he was gone.   Vanessa POF   “I can’t believe this crap.” I stated, infuriated. It seemed like my parents were ganging up on me. It seemed like they were cracking a whip and I didn’t like it. I’m not an animal and there was nothing wrong with me. I didn’t need to be told what to do all the time, nor how to behave. I’m not a baby. I snorted at the idea of my dad getting a belt out for me. A fourteen year old girl on the verge of becoming a woman? Belts were so old fashion. So was whipping. I don’t even think they use that word anymore. If my dad thought I was going to buckle through the threat of a belt, he had another thing coming. Slamming my locker shut, I growled in frustration.  ”“Hey, V. What’s up?” A high pitched voice stated, coming up to me. I exhaled sharply. ”“Hey Atty, what’s good?” ”“Nothing much, I wanted to know if you and Tamarah thought about that end of the school year party, I was throwing next month.”  I slapped my hand against my head, I’d forgotten all about that party. ” “You know what Atty, I forgot all about that girl, but my parents are acting all stank cause they think I’m not responsible enough, so I am probably not going to be able to go.”  “Damn girl, don’t they ever let you do anything?” I glanced over at her, a friend of two years, ” “No, they don’t. It’s that woman. Get rid of her and I’ll be good. My dad would be so busy that he wouldn’t know whether I’m coming or going."”I wish I could find a way to get them separated. It makes me sick looking at how much they drool over each other. You’d think they were long distance lovers or something. I know if they were split up, I’d have my way all the time.”  “More parties,” Athena laughed with me, her light brown eyes twinkling. “More freedom.” “More clothes.” Vanessa laughed, “I know that’s right. If my parents were separated, I could get what ever I wanted from them. I could have any and everything II wanted, without them interfering.” ”“Yeah, you’d get twice the gifts during the holidays.””“I know, right.” ”“Yeah. So, do you really want them to split up?” Athena asked me, her tall slender frame looking regal. Athena was every bit the name Athena. She was tall, slender, long blonde hair, brown eyes and a flushed skin tone, that could only be described as peachy. She was a very pretty girl who hid it behind dark framed glasses. She wore a white cotton sundress with a flower pattern on it and flip flops that had a flower charm on them. She was always wearing flowers in her hair or in some sort of design in her jewelry. She loved flowers of all kind. I was drawn to her because of the flowers that she wore. She was like a flower child and she had a very big respect for nature. She seemed to blend in with nature.  I shrugged, ”“It would be better for my sake. I get tired of being ordered around.” ”“Do you?” ”“Yes, I do. I just want them to give me some type of breathing room.””“Well, I wish there was something I could do to help.”I laughed jokingly, ”“If only you could put a spell on them. That would make things an awful lot easier. Let them back off of me for a while, then I’d have a better day.” Athena nodded her head, ”“Yeah, if only.” She was already turning thoughts over in her mind. As she smiled silently to herself, she promised to make this journey an event Vanessa would never forget. She reached out to her and ran her hands through her hair, ”“I love your hair, what’d you do to it?”  I slid my fingers through my hair, ”“Oh this, girl, I just wanted to do something different. Since my dad won’t let me straighten my hair, I figure I may as well get some waves going, you know?” Athena smiled brightly, seeming to be intrigued, ”“Oh yeah, that’s great. I think it looks really pretty. How long did it take?”  I shrugged, ”“I just washed it, combed it out and then put it in ponytails and ties in sections down each ponytail. Once getting up this morning, I took them out and this is how they came out.” ”“Beautiful, I should try that.” ”“You should, it’s super easy.” I stated. As we were getting closer to our class, the conversation took a different turn. ”“So, have you talked to Tamarah today?” Her tone inquired. ”“Not, yet, why?”  ”“I was just curious, since ya’ll normally walk in to school together.””“Me either, she text me this morning saying she was going to be late.””“Oh, ok. What about Tommy?” She inquired. I furrowed my brows curious, ”“Why are you asking about them like that Athena?”  Athena’s cheeks reddened, ”“I just wanted to know how you guys are doing, that’s all. Trust me, I don’t want Tommy.” I lifted both my brows now. Crossing my hands over my chest, I stared her in the eyes, already heated. ”“You don’t want Tommy? I didn’t ask you if you wanted him, Atty, I just asked what’s with all the questions.” I watched as her eyes darted everywhere, landing on everything except the one speaking to her. Feeling those flames go higher in my body, I bellowed, ”“What the fuck! I hate that shit! Just spit out what you got to say.” Everyone within my vacinity who heard me turned wide eyes upon me. I felt even more rage, as I stared at them. Athena’s tone came out quick, terrified, ”“I got to go. I’ll talk to you later, V.” She stated, rushing away from me.   I walked across the room, enraged. Not really sure as to why I was as angry as I was, but I was so angry, I wanted to just go pound someone in their face. I don’t know why she brought up Tamarah or Tommy but I did know that which ever one of those two I saw first was going to explain to me what the hell has been going on and why it seemed something was going on with them too. Did they truly hate each other as they said they did? Or were they both plotting against me? Plotting to make me look like a fool? As I thought about this, I felt another thing come into place over the anger, something even more poignant. Fear.   It turned my insides to mush and I felt tears well up in my eyes. Did Tommy want Tamarah? Did she want him? The thought of the two closest people pulling a Julius Caesar on me hurt. It made me feel as if I could die. Tamarah knew how much I cared for Tommy. She knew how much I wanted to be with him, how much I wanted him for myself. Up until that point, I hadn’t thought of the anguish at the possibility of someone taking him from me. I swallowed, my throat burning as the tears fell. Tamarah was the one girl in the school whom I’d always thought was prettier than me, skinnier than me, more beautiful than I am.    The principle keep your enemies close and your friends closer applied to us. Tamarah and I started out as rivals in second grade. We didn’t like each other but that was only because she and I considered the other competition. She was the only girl who’d won my respect by the fact that when she wanted something she went after it and usually got it. However, I couldn’t stomach the thought of her going after the one I’d wanted. In elementary school Tommy wasn’t all that cute. In fact, he’d been the least attractive boy in class, especially with the fact that he wasn’t from our side of town.   However, in middle school he’d transformed into one of the cutest guys in school. I had started out trying to get close to him so that I could date him, but I really ended up liking his character. To some he seemed arrogant, disgusting and dismissive when comparing others to himself, but the guy on the inside that I saw was a person who didn’t let anyone tell him he wasn’t worth nothing, when he was. He was very courageous.   I’ve never seen a guy get up and dance to Michael Jackson in the seventh grade talent show the way he had and not only that, but he was the type of guy who kept his feelings to himself. But just because he had never said it didn’t mean he didn’t love me. Most guys like him aren’t the type to say I love you. They usually just show it. Although he hadn’t said it I knew and understood that he loved me. He had too. There was no way we’d be together as long as we have and he not love me.      Chapter Seven:   Tommy walked into third hour Geometry and took his usual seat next to Vanessa. Leaning into her, he dropped a quick kiss on her lips, giving her a greeting. Vanessa took one look at him and felt her heart drop into her stomach. He was so handsome with his thick curly hair cornrowed into neat braids going toward the back of his head. His dark eyes glistened with desire in them as he looked at her. He was a guy easily able to rival the height of her father at sixteen, but was more broad shoulder and thicker in build than he was. Tommy was made like a line backer, but he was the quarter back on the football team she and twelve other girls cheered for.   Because Tommy did not possess the IQ of an average student, he often struggled in subjects like Math, Science, English and History, but excelled in sports. He was the type of guy who could play any sports and usually did, depending on the season. He also was a very popular student. Not only because of his excel in sports, but because he was a very handsome teen. Girls wanted to be with him and boys wanted to be him, especially because he had her. Vanessa never paid much attention, but the boys in their school all found her attractive. Her beauty was often enhanced to the young guys who saw the heart shaped face with green eyes that she sported. There was full lips with a thick curly mass of hair that made the girls envious. Because of her mixed heritage, Tommy knew that other guys had talked about her beautiful shape. She had an hour glass figure that drove most of the guys crazy, but she didn’t notice because he’d always been the apple of her eye. This caused him to smile. Besides having a great body, beautiful sexy eyes and a sweet smile, he loved the fact that she was loyal and that she was dedicated to him. This he’d tested on more than one occasion. He’d set up meetings with other guys on her behalf for a good year now and each time she’d turned them down. These were people he knew but she didn’t. He even sent one on a night before their date. Although he’d arrived earlier than she had to their favorite restaurant, he had sat in the back and watched as she waited for him. His friend had gone up to her, spoken to her, flirted and even made an effort to sit down, but she told him that she was waiting for her boyfriend and that he would not appreciate another man in his seat.   When he tried to be more persistent, she put her foot down and told him that she was not interested and if he didn’t move, she would alert the wait staff to his unwanted advances. Tommy had smiled then, because he’d seen not just her faithfulness, but her passion. Her passion was unrivaled in their school. This, he’d known because he could see the many relationships that broke up over many things, most of them silly, but she’d stuck with him. This is why he hated the thought of loosing her. This is why he knew he needed to do what ever it took to keep her, because she was a beautiful woman and even though he’d messed up with her best-friend, he didn’t want anyone else to have her. At-least not until he got to taste and feel and make love to every inch of her body. She was a voluptuous young woman and he wanted to show her just how beautiful she was to him, kiss those beautiful lips. Look into those stunning eyes and hold her the way a man should.   As he stared, he felt his body respond to her as it normally did. His heart beat sped up, blood flowed hard through his veins and his body ached in places only she would be able to fill. As he daydreamed about this, his heart swelled with so many different emotions. He could feel her skin on his mouth. There was nothing more he wanted than Vanessa. This was enough to cause him grief over the fact that he’d slept with Tamarah, even though it wasn’t too bad. He’d never suspected that she would be as inexperienced as she had been, but she was and this had surprised him. Though he’d slept with her, the only part of her he’d seen was the part of her he’d been intimate with. She was definitely beautiful, but when compared to Vanessa, she dimmed. Vanessa was so beautiful it made him breathless. He had always liked her, even in their elementary school years, enamored with her beauty.   Vanessa had been the only nice girl to him during their elementary years, which made it easier for him to care for her the way he did. Before he’d become obsessed with claiming her, she’d been such a sweetheart. Since third grade, he’d done what ever he could to make her like him. She’d always been nice to him. He had in sixth grade thought he’d been in love with her, because she was his most prized possession. Although his friendship with her was nothing too close, he found her nice, easy to talk to and he loved making her laugh, just to see that beautiful smile.   As he thought of this, he remembered how he’d had problems with her dating another guy in 7th grade. Some guy named Adam. He couldn’t stand hearing her talk about Adam. It felt like she was taking a hammer and nailing at his heart with it. He vowed that year, that during the summer he would reinvent himself. He’d show her how much she meant to him, how much he wanted her. When he came back to school eighth grade year, no one recognized him for who’d he’d been previously. He’d cleaned up well and Vanessa had taken one look at him and it was then he knew that he’d have her. If it was the last thing he did, she’d be his. All of that beauty would be his.   As time went on and they began to hang out, he found out that there was more to her than meet the eye. She was so smart that she got bored with the stuff they did in school. She’d also offered to help tutor him in classes if he needed it. It was because of her that his grades had improved too. Now as he glanced over at her, he felt the thumping get louder in his chest. He now understood the ramifications of what he’d done with Tamarah. With Vanessa, sex wouldn’t just be sex, it would be something more profound and the idea that he’d sabotaged that by being with Tamarah made him scared. He had to find a way to fix this, fix it quickly before it got out.   Vanessa had wanted to ask him about Tamarah, but every-time, those dark honey nut colored eyes looked at her, she felt her breath catch in her throat and her stomach fill with butterflies form in the pit of her stomach. She knew that this was a normal stage of hormonal development in teenagers during these years. According to the book she’d read on hormonal development, teenage boys were at their peak for sexual awareness. The part that made her feel shamed was the fact that she had been thinking more and more sexual thoughts about Tommy and her fire was just as lit as his. It was times like these when those beautiful brown eyes lit, that she wanted to just hand herself over to him, but every time she thought that, she could hear her mother’s voice in the back of her head saying don’t bring me home any babies and that boy only wants you for your body. Vanessa sighed, She could only hope that wasn’t true.   Tamarah walked around for the rest of the day in a haze. After she’d spoken with Timothy in the library, first about Samuel, and then about their school project, she’d been elated at the idea that he had sat down that long without running from her. She smiled at the thought of progress. It occurred to her that all he needed to know was that he didn’t have to run from her, that she wouldn’t hurt him or even that she was interested in him. As she pulled her bag up on her shoulders, she thought of how he’d taken it when she suggested that they watch and review the movie Philadelphia. He wasn’t a big fan of Tom Hanks. This made her laugh because one of the biggest actors of the decade was Tom Hanks. So, once they did that, he asked her to do American Beauty, she said that sounded way too boring for their test. She suggested Forrest Gump. He said he didn’t like Tom Hanks, so they’d decided to write a list of possible movies and which ever movies they both circled would be the movies they’d think about watching. Tamarah was already compiling a list in her head. As she walked, she didn’t notice that Tommy was coming her way and had she noticed, she would have easily side stepped him. However, when she came to he was close enough to her that there would be no room for escape. She stopped in front of him. He stared at her with angry eyes, “Did you say anything to Vanessa, Tamarah?” She rolled her eyes. “Why would I do that? I’m trying to forget, not remember.” “Well then why did she come in class today asking all those questions? The way I see it you got to be telling her something to keep her nosing around.” Tamarah furrowed her brows, already irritated with him. “I don’t have any way of telling her how much of a damn fool of a man you are. Tommy. I’m not trying to jeopardize our friendship. V’s my best friend. I love her and I don’t want to do that.” “So, then why is she asking me all them questions?” Tamarah pulled away from him. “I don’t know dammit and you’re freaking paranoid any way, so you probably imagined the whole damn thing.” “I aint imagining nothing.” Tommy grabbed her arm in frustration, pulling it to him, “You bitch, tell her and I swear I’ll...” Tamarah stepped up to him, her eyes seething, her body full of unspeakable rage. “You’ll do what?” Tommy’s eyes fired black missiles at her, “I’ll do the worst to you than what Mathew Carter did to Angela Balkins on Breaking the day.” Tamarah lifted her brows, “You’re threatening to do something to me based off a tv show?” She found this so funny she almost laughed. Gritting her teeth together, she whispered, “I wish you would touch me Tommy Whitaker and I swear you won’t be able to lift your pinky finger when I’m done mopping your ass with the floor.” Tommy pulled his hand back and went to strike her but a hand caught his. He turned his head to the side and to his chagrin, Mr. Copeland, their gym teacher was restraining him. “I would not do that if I were you, you are on public grounds and you will get fined, arrested and end up spending the rest of the day in Juve hall.” Tommy clenched his jaw, turning his eyes back to Tamarah, “Alright, I’m out.” He pulled his hand away from Mr. Copeland and walked away, sure to bump into Tamarah on his way down the hall. Mr. Copeland stared down at Tamarah, his dark handsome face, concerned. “Are you alright Tamarah?” “Yes, sir, I’m alright.” “Mind telling me what that was about?” She shrugged her shoulders, “Nothing I’d care to get out sir. I have to go though, because the bell is going to ring in four minutes and I still have to go to the top floor.” Mr. Copeland nodded and cleared his throat. “You be careful, young lady and if you have any more trouble out of him, please come to me.” She smiled, “Yes, sir.” Watching her as she left, Mr. Copeland thought that she was going to be a heart breaker when she got older. She was that pretty. Turning away from her direction, Mr. Copeland headed back toward the other door leading out to the school grounds on the west end of the school. The gymnasium had been long abandoned in 2006 in favor of the new construction built in the back, toward the foot ball field and track areas. The building held a boys and girls locker room, the basketball courts and doubled as a pep rally area for the cheer leaders and dance team. The old gymnasium had been set up as the new theater in the school. As he opened the door leading to the outside, his mind went from Tamarah and Tommy and their issue for the upcoming track tryouts beginning this week. ~ ~                   Chapter Eight   Vanessa POV:   For a brief moment I forgot about Tamarah and Tommy as I entered into my sixth hour Geography class. I was so glad that within a month or two, I’d be finished with this course. It was an awfully boring course, especially since our teacher could speak several languages and she’d often try her hand at preparing activities that had to do with what ever area we were studying at that time. This week we were going to work on Germany and I could only hope that she wouldn’t bring in a song, or dance being native to that culture. I really don’t know anything about them or their language. The only place on the map I was familiar with was Ireland because my family vacationed there every four to five years and my aunt Lasaire often taught me and Craig little snippets of Gaelic. It seemed to be a requirement with all of my cousins. Even my adopted cousin Charmaine had to learn Gaelic, which I thought was funny considering she was only four. I doubt you could teach a four year old Gaelic but hey, if Aunt Lasaire thought she could, who am I to discourage it? As my thoughts began to wander, my eyes settled on Kalen Rawsin.   God, that girl really needed to update her wardrobe. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with being a Christian, I mean my mom’s family, except her mother were Baptist through and through and my dad’s family were Catholics, but even they had the sense enough to dress better than to look as if they still were in the old days of long skirts and ugly t-shirts. I knew that a lot of today’s style would not be something Kalen would be impressed with but I saw that she could use an update in her wardrobe.   There were tanks and skirts and jeans that she could wear that would cover her. There were even sun dresses she could wear that would look better on her. She had a nice figure, so in my opinion there was no use in drowning it with penny loafers blue jean skirts and faded t-shirts. As my gaze wandered to her hair, I knew my mother would be able to do something with it. She would know exactly what to do to it instead of platting it in her head. I mean she wasn’t ten years old any more. She was in high school. As I thought about this, speculating about upgrading her lack of style, I wondered if all christian girls were suppose to dress like her and if they were, I didn’t think I wanted to join that band wagon. ~ ~ My cool demeanor lasted until the end of the day when Tamarah came up to walk home with me after school. I was then brought back to the reality of my own problems. I spoke to her, asking her how her day went. She told me it was fine, even bragged about Timothy finally opening up to her. “I think this is the start of something beautiful, V.” “Oh really?” “Yep.” As I watched that dreamy look cross her face, I thought to myself, although I was attracted to Tommy, I couldn’t imagine feeling the way she did or my mom did for that matter. I suddenly had a fleeting thought of whether or not something was wrong with me. Why did any type of affection openly shown make me feel sick to my stomach. Butterflies would come in and I would feel embarrassed. “V- I don’t think I want to be with anybody ever again in my life.” She sighed wistfully. I furrowed my brows. “How can that be plausible Tamarah when you don’t even go out with Timothy? And you’re fourteen.” Tamarah glanced over at me, her face glowing like she’d just won a million bucks, “I know, Vanessa. I don’t understand it either but haven’t you ever felt that way about Tommy? Like you just want to curl up next to him and stay there forever?” I shook my head no. Definitely not. I’ve never loved anyone or even felt remotely close to that way about a guy, unless you count my dad, but he didn’t count. I was supposed to feel that way about him. Then it occurred to me, what if Tamarah was talking about having a dad? What if what she really needed was a father and Timothy would become that fixture? Putting my arm around her shoulder, I said, “Tamarah, I think I know what’s going on.” Tamarah looked at me, that glow in her eyes. “Oh yeah? Enlighten me, sista.” “I think you are probably looking for someone to attach yourself to because you need a father figure.” Tamarah raised both brows, “Excuse me?” “Yeah, I mean you’ve been around my family, but you haven’t really experienced having a dad for yourself so you may just want to have a guy that you can cuddle with and love you know?” Tamarah shook her head, “No, Vanessa, that’s not it, besides, your dad is my dad, remember.” I smiled. My dad did take to parenting her a lot. As a matter of fact, he often times gave her advice. Even my mom was more like a mother to her. I guess that sort of made us sisters. “Ok, so then what do you think it is?” I watched as Tamarah grabbed her stomach, and her face went from a glowing happy look to a painful look. “Are you alright T?” I asked, stopping next to her. She held her stomach, and shook her head, “no, I’ve been feeling these sharp pains in my stomach.” “Have you gone to the doctor?” I inquired, my tone concerned. “No. I thought they would go away by now. I mean, I’ve only had them for a few days now.”“Really? Did you eat something you shouldn’t have?”“I may have. You know mom brought home some take out from the Apple Cart a few days ago.” I groaned. “See I told you to stop eating there. Every time yourc mom bring food home, you end up clenching your stomach. You need to tell her your stomach’s not made for that left over garbage.” I watched as Tamarah doubled over and the food she’d eaten during lunch came up, splashing on the sidewalk. I groaned, “Uhk, man, tell your momma to stop bringing that mess home. Now you throwing up and stuff.” She stayed there for a minute. I took my bag off my shoulder and unzipped it. Pulling out one of two water bottles I handed it to her. “Here, wash your mouth out.” Tamarah took the water bottle, undid the cap and turned it up. I listened as the water splashed around her mouth. She closed the bottle, and then swished it around her mouth. After she’d spit the water out, she said, “Thanks Vanessa. If this doesn’t clear up by the end of the week, I’m making me a doctor’s appointment.” I nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that would be best. It could be the flu or something.” She handed me the bottle and I put it in my bag. I still hadn’t brought up what I wanted to ask her yet. Inhaling sharply, I glanced at her, “Hey Tamarah.” She turned her gaze upon me. “Yes.” “There’s nothing going on between you and Tommy is there?” “No.” I noticed that she said this too fast. “So like you guys have not fooled around behind my back have you?” She darted her gaze away from me, looking out at the houses in front of us. “Come on V- I’d never do that to you.” Her gaze came back to me, “You’re my best friend and I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. I have to much respect for you to do that. Why are you asking?” Honestly I didn’t know what had me so curious, but I just couldn’t shake that possibility. “I don’t know, Athena asked me today if I’d seen you or him and I thought it was weird the way she asked, like she knew something I didn’t.” Tamarah laughed and I could hear the nervousness in it. “No. nothing is going on between me and Tommy, besides, I’m going after Timothy. He’s who I want.” I stared at her, her eyes shining at the mention of his name. As I stared, I knew that there was nothing that could take her eyes and heart off of Timothy. Even if I didn’t understand it, Tamarah was in love with him. I don’t know how or why but Tamarah had set her sights and heart on Timothy Rawsin. I almost felt sorry for the poor guy because when Tamarah wanted something, she was ferocious. She would go after him until she got him. With her chasing him, I thought why would she want my man when she’s had her eyes on Timothy since she’d first met him in the beginning of the semester? ~ ~ Field and Track tryouts   “I don’t like you.” Tristan Hardoway told Timothy, during the stretch warmups for practice. Timothy flickered his blue gaze over to him. “What am I supposed to do, cry?” Tristan was just as limber as Timothy, tall and wiry with straight hair that went down to his shoulders. He wore a piercing in his eye brow, and lower lip. He also had a tattoo of Marilyn Manson on his right shoulder blade. Although he was naturally a redhead, he’d died his hair black and he dressed in Goth. “Do you know why I don’t like you?” He asked. Timothy shook his head no, “It’s not like I care. I suppose you can just pick a number and get in line.” “I don’t like you because you wear formal clothes to school. What junior wear formal clothes to school?” Timothy furrowed his brows, “Honestly Tristan, I was hoping you’d come up with a better answer, maybe even the truth.” “It is the truth.” “No it’s not.” “So why do I hate you then?” Timothy sighed, “Since ninth grade I’ve been kicking your butt in track. You’ve been demoted since I was a freshman. I’m lead sprinter and you hate it.” “I can take you any day, Rawsin.” Timothy laughed, “Yeah, right.” “I wonder how Jesus would feel hearing you talk like that, that’s not Christian like.” “It is for now. If you want to run, shut up talking and let’s do this.” Timothy stated, already irritated with him. Tristan was fast but not as fast as Timothy and one of the things he loved doing was making him eat his dust. Tristan stood up, “Let’s do this.” Timothy, stood up and assumed the running position. Tristan glanced over at Cory Valdez, “Time us man.” Unknown to them, Coach Copeland had been observing the two boys and had already taken out his stop watch. Cory cleared the past time on his watch and set it to zero. “On your mark,” he said, alerting others on the bleachers. “Get set....”   “Go Timothy!” Timothy felt his entire face turn red. A soft smile lit his features. He liked knowing that she was out there. Now he had to win. “Go...” As soon as go was spoken, Timothy shot out like a canon, Tristan hot on his heels. When they hit the hurdles, Timothy jumped them effortlessly and so did Tristan who still lagged behind just enough for Timothy to speed up even more after he hit the black asphalt. He ran so hard and so fast that the wind flew behind him and for a novice, the mile track would have been difficult and even had them breathless, slowing to a still but for him, it was a breeze.   He felt like his feet wasn’t touching the ground and he loved that. Once he came to the Finish line, his legs stopped, tingles working it’s way through his body. He hadn’t even broke a sweat for this relay, but he supposed it was due to the fact that the sun was hovering just behind a cloud. He took his towel and wiped his face. Turning, he went back to the bench he’d placed his things on, including his bag and stared at Kalen with a huge smile on his face. Kalen came up to him and handed him a water bottle. “Look at you big bro. Keep that up and you’ll be getting that scholarship this year.”   “I know, Tristan just doesn’t understand how much I love running. Every year he makes himself look like a fool trying to race me.” “You know why he chooses you to pick on, right?” “Cause I’m the only one he can’t beat.” “Yep. Maybe you should give him the win, just to get him off your back.” Timothy laughed sarcastically at this, “Yeah right, like he’d even want my pity. He has to win fair and square. That’s one thing I do like about the guy. He’s not a cheat.” He took a long swig of water from the bottle. “Yeah, but he look so down after you beat him.” Timothy laughed, “Girl, stop it with the pity thing ok? It’s amazing that you are as iron clad as you are. I’d think that with all the guys at this school you’d at-least drool after one.” Kalen shrugged her shoulders, “If there was one worth drooling over, I’m sure I’d be a lost puppy, but fortunately for me, high school boys are just not on my level.” Timothy shook his head, “You’re only fifteen Kalen, fifteen. What are you going to do with a man?”Kalen shrugged, “Nothing. Christ is my man until he sends someone to fulfill that position.” Timothy laughed. “I’m glad to hear that. Just make sure when that man comes I meet him first, you got that.” “Of course.” She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Timothy ruffled her hair. Just then the coach called out his name to join the other runners on the track. Timothy, handed her the bottle. “I’ll see you after practice.” “Alright. Have a good run.” ~ ~ Tamarah stood outside Allen Hall Clinic. She couldn’t hold back anymore. She needed to get the test done today. Her cramps were getting worse and she felt severely bloated. Also, the smell of food continued to make her gag. She knew from reading and researching over the internet that there was a 50 percent chance that she was pregnant. Maybe an even higher percentage, but this she didn’t want to admit.   She didn’t want to think of the possibility of being a teen mother. She couldn’t be a teen mother, it just wouldn’t work for her. There was so much she wanted to do and so little that she hadn’t experienced and she definitely didn’t want her first experience to end in such a disastrous note. Pregnancy when it was her first time having sex? To top it all off, it was with a guy she couldn’t stand, so to be pregnant by him would be a blow to her pride. She also thought about Timothy and wondered what he would think of her if he knew she’d slept with her best friend’s boyfriend?   The thought made a fear creep up in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want him to write her off because of that. He’d probably think she was a whore and wonder how could she even call herself a friend of Vanessa’s. He’d probably think she wouldn’t make a good girlfriend. What would her mother think, that she was irresponsible, that she didn’t know how to handle her own or that she couldn’t be left alone any more? It was times like this when Tamarah wished that her relationship with Angela Gray was better than what it was. If she had a mother like Vanessa’s mom, she wouldn’t have ended up this way. In more ways than one, she wished Vanessa’s mother was her mother. At-least then she could be held accountable. Inhaling sharply, she decided that no matter what was going through her mind, she still had to go inside that clinic. ~ ~ “Mrs. Williams, how long have you been having these dizzy spells?” Dr. Mathison inquired before beginning the yearly physical on Denise. “A good two months now.” “Two months, huh?” Denise nodded. “Yes, I think it may be low sugar. I read somewhere that when you get low sugar you can get frequent dizzy spells.” “That’s true. Frequent dizzy spells, cold hands, cold feet, and you can also become fatigued.” “I’m having more symptoms than that. I’m actually gaining weight to.” She stated. “Well, we’ll have a look, just to make sure you’re healthy. Any other symptoms I should know about?” “ I’ve been feeling bloated for the past six weeks now.”“You’ve been taking the birth control pills regularly haven't you?”“Yes, like clock work. I don’t think I could be pregnant.” “That shouldn’t be an issue if you have.” Denise laid back against the white tissue paper, her feet already placed in the stirrups. She watched as Dr. Mathison wrote in his chart and then placed it in one of the mail slots by the door. He went to the sink, washed his hands and wiped them with paper towel. Once his hands were dry, he pulled on a pair of latex gloves and then said, “I remember fourteen years ago when you came to me with these same symptoms and it turned out you were pregnant, and even then you were on birth control.” Denise laughed, “I know. It was very weird. I think that’s a very small percentage and what’s the chance of it happening again? I mean you switched pills. I’ve been taking the same ones since Craig was three. They’ve worked like a charm.” “That’s good.” The doctor came over and began examining her. Although Denise had done this plenty of times before, it never failed to make her nervous. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to having someone touch her outside her husband, even if it was routine. When he got to her breasts, he asked if she’d been feeling any tenderness around the aureola. Denise did the gesture for so so. The doctor then pressed gently into her stomach and going lower, he continued to press until she signaled the pain there. When he reached the area where her uterus was, feeling the ballooned exterior, he continued probing until he finished.   When the examination was finished, he took his gloves off and threw them in the garbage. Grabbing her chart off the wall, he wrote in it. When he didn’t say anything, Denise felt the panic in her chest. “I’m pregnant aren’t I?” He turned from the document in his hand and said, “I would say a good eight weeks.” Denise felt her entire body go numb. How did taking birth control make someone pregnant? This she could not fathom. “Apparently, higher powers have decided to bless you with another child Mrs. Williams.” Denise pulled her gown around her body and turned to her side before getting up. She should have known that would be the result. After all, five years with no symptoms and then ending up with symptoms was enough for anyone to handle. The question she had was how would her husband handle it. She wasn’t even sure if he wanted any more children. To her it mattered but not too much that she couldn’t adjust. If there was one thing she knew, it was that she loved her husband. Loved him more than to become upset over one more child. “I’m going to schedule you for an ultrasound four weeks from now. I want to take a look at how the baby is developing.” Denise exhaled as she listened. She wasn’t happy, but nor was she sad, she was somewhere in between. When the doctor exited the room, Denise got dressed and left the office. So distracted was she by the news that she didn’t even notice Tamarah sitting in one of the leather chairs facing the receptionist desk. ~ ~   Chapter Nine: Three weeks later   Vanessa POV:   After getting home from cheer leading practice that Friday, I decided to skip my favorite t.v. SShow, in favor of heading up to my room. I really needed some way to sort through all the thoughts that were going through my head. It had been Three weeks since the party, and although it’d only been a measly three weeks, I’d taken to avoiding Tamarah and Tommy like the plague. I couldn’t stomach being around them, knowing the truth, that they so covertly hid; At-least they tried to, but how they never even spit words at each other just confirmed it. The quieter they became, the more convinced I was that something had happened between them. I also was sure that the hatred they shared for one another was even worse than what it had been in the beginning of their meeting. It’s like they so tangibly wanted to kill each other, that the only thing that kept them at bay was what ever secret they shared and the fact that I was there. They’d talk when I wasn’t around and go all quiet when I was there. I swear it was like being around two different people and it was grating my nerves. The thing is, I didn’t know what to do about it. I’m sure they will eventually come out with it. What goes on in the dark always come to light. What I’m not sure of is how I will handle it. The first week I decided not to be around either of them made me want to just slash both of them up real good. I was seeing more than red, more than black. I was seeing the worst thing imaginable. It makes me wonder how long they can keep what they presume as a secret between them and most importantly, who will I be ready to rip apart first.   As I went to my room, and searched through the four racks on the wall, I took out a TLC cd. It was fan-mail. When I was in a down and out mood, I found out that they really soothed my nerves. My mother had introduced them to me my sixth grade year of middle school and said that they were a really good group to listen to when you wanted to muster courage.   They made the woman feel as if she was in control. She said their lyrics were down to earth but funny too. I’d listened and found that I liked it. The sound very different from the stupid voice overs of pop rock they had on the radio today. As a matter of fact, I found solace in music of the greats. I even ventured down into the fifties and sixties with Frankie Lymon and Peggy Lee. My music collection was a boaster of many, many great artists, because one thing I loved, more than cheer leading was music.   The only reason I wasn’t in the Choir at school was because we didn’t have a choir. Choirs, according to my youth were played out. I thought that was too bad because in my opinion, a choir would be epic and awesome. Anyhow, I would sit in my room, make up my own lyrics and create my own music at times.   One day I dreamed of being the freshest face in music. I wanted to be famous. During family get togethers they’d demand I get up and pipe something out. Lisette, my cousin from my uncle Elliot and his wife Neema, would get up with me and we’d do our thing together. Lisette was born to perform. Although she’s only eight, that child can sing like it was nobody’s business. Of course we’d sing a few Irish tunes for the old folks, but mostly new stuff because that’s all she knows. I keep thinking to introduce her to some of my collection, but Uncle Elliot and aunt Neema lives in Chicago and that’s a hard thing to do.   Flickering my gaze to one of four music racks, I walked up to it and searched through the titles listed in alphabetical order til I reached TLC. The four racks that I had were arranged to fit in the four corners of my room. Little shelves were above them, which is where I kept a self lit candle. I was also into scented candles. Depending on the mood, I’d use one candle at a time. They were not fire lit but they were like an air freshener that breezed through the room by open window. I’d cracked open my window earlier this morning before leaving and now it smelled like cherries.   Putting the CD in my stereo, I turned it up loud and danced around as it began to play, singing along with the lyrics. My mom and dad weren’t here and Craig didn’t get home until four thirty, so I had a total two hours to get down with my own beats. And for the time being, I lost myself in the music, ~ ~ Tamarah didn’t know how long she was sitting out by the pier, or how long she’d been at the beach for that matter. All she knew was that she had to find a way to tell Tommy and then tell her best friend the truth, because nine months from now, all would be revealed anyway and the longer she kept it inside the more hostile and angry toward herself and Tommy she became. If she could take back that night she would without a doubt. Exhaling a shaky breath, hoping to expel the tension in her shoulders, she bent her head, tears continuing in excess down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to do or what to say. She just didn’t want Vanessa to think the worse of her, she didn’t want her to hate her or not be her friend. To be honest, Vanessa was the only real friend she had and without her Tamarah didn’t know who she’d communicate with. Without her, Tamarah didn’t know how she’d get through this.   Because it was mid May, when you looked out at the sail boats on the harbor they were constantly docking or being loaded. Not only were sailors charting the waters, but so were fishermen, navy men and commercial boaters; even tourists were also docking the harbor and as she looked out into the bay that led to sea, she suddenly wished she was on one of those boats. “Hi Tamarah.” A small smile came over her features. Normally she was happy to see him, wanting to, but for the first time in months, she didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want him to see her like this. “Hi, Timothy.” She whispered, her tone soft. The tears had long since streaked her make up and she was now wiping them from her cheekbones. “Are you alright?” He inquired, concern in his voice. “Honestly, Tim, I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”“About what?” “I feel like such an idiot, like I am the worst best friend in the world.” Tamarah whispered. She hid her face behind her tears. “You shouldn’t, Tamarah.” He soothed, coming to sit next to her. “I cheated with my best-friend’s boyfriend.” She confessed. Timothy reached over, grabbed her chin and tilted it up. “I know.” She pulled away, embarrassed. “What do you mean you know?” “Well, let’s just say that these ears hear everything.” He stated, pointing at his own ears. Furrowing a brow in curiosity, she wondered how he heard it if no one but her knew? At-least no one but her or Tommy, and Tommy wouldn’t tell anyone. So, how did he know? As if reading her thoughts, he answered, “I heard Athena Longford and Draniece O’neal talking about it.” Tamarah felt her ears burn and a rage began in her stomach. “What-When?” She felt as if she wanted to be swallowed up into a black hole. Draniece, mouth of the south knew? She could only wonder who else knew. “They were talking about it in our fifth period Trig class.” Timothy stated. “Oh my God!” She gasped, tears filled with fear began to fall down her cheeks. Nothing could be more embarrassing than that. “Do you know if they told anyone else?” She asked him, her body going through fits of trembles. Timothy reached out and ran a hand over hers. “No, but I think you should tell Vanessa the truth.” “I know, Tim. I just don’t know how to say it.” “Just tell her. It’s not like you got pregnant or anything.” As he spoke those words, Tamarah groaned, the beat of her heart accelerating with anxiety. “Did you get pregnant?” He asked. Tamarah pulled her hand away from him and looked him in the eyes, “What if I did?” Timothy exhaled sharply and said, “Tamarah, sweetheart, only God can help you out of this one now.” “If you don’t want to talk to me, you aren’t obligated too.”“I know, but I like you.” The words slipped out so freely, that Timothy had no time to think of their impact on her. “You like me even after knowing I messed around with Vanessa’s boyfriend and got pregnant?” Timothy exhaled, “You’re not a bad girl Tamarah. You may need Jesus, but you’re pretty decent compared to other girls in that school.” “Even after what you know?” Timothy sighed, “Everybody has something they wished they’d never done in life Tamarah.”“Yeah, but everybody don’t get pregnant as a result either. I just know Vanessa’s going to hate me after this. She’ll never speak to me again.” “Tommy’s not the only guy in school she can get.” He stated, flickering his gaze out toward the harbor, watching as a boat loaded with several people made it’s way out toward open waters. “Tommy’s the only one she’s ever liked. The night of the party she was going to give herself to him.” Timothy’s gaze turned back to Tamarah, amazed at how not even smeared makeup could mar her beauty. “So then it could have been her in this situation than you.” Tamarah shrugged, “Better her than me.” She mumbled. “Well, don’t feel bad about things now. Pregnancy is just a consequence of not using protection.” Tamarah gave a flippant expression in her reply, “You don’t say?” Timothy shook his head, “Yeah, I do say and I’m not joking. Maybe you had no business being there to begin with.” Her heart dropped at his words and she realized that he was chastising her. “I don’t need you to beat me over the head about this Timothy. I know I did wrong and I regret it ok.” “Regret won’t undo the situation.” “I know. Geez, if you are going to make me feel like I should be stoned then maybe you should just go on home.” Timothy sighed. “I’m not trying to stone you. I just want you to know that there are consequences for every decision you make and this is just one of many on your plate at the moment.” “I know that already.” “So then do the right thing and tell before you make this situation even worse.”“She’s not going to want to be my friend after this and really I wouldn’t blame her.”“If she did, you would deserve that.” Tamarah’s head snapped up at him as he stood up. “I know that too.”Timothy sighed and said, “I will see you tomorrow in school. Tonight’s bible study.” Tamarah shrugged her shoulders and glanced out at the open waters. “You know...” “Thanks, but no thanks.” She interrupted, “Maybe another time. Now is not the right time. Too much on my mind.” “Alright, have a good evening.” His footsteps were heard as he walked from the doc to dry land. ~ ~   Later that night at dinner, Jordan Williams sat down to an unusually quiet dinner with his family. Vanessa sat stirring uneaten food on her plate while Craig wolfed down anything that came his way. Denise seemed lost in her own thoughts. Exhaling sharply, he opened for discussion, “any body have anything exciting to talk about tonight?” “not from me.” Craig stated in between mouth fulls. “Me either.” Vanessa followed, lifting a fork full of food to her mouth. “Well, I had an interesting day at work today. My secretary Bridgett called in sick today. She think she may have the flu so I told her to take a few days off work and then get back to me. I called in to a temp service and they will be sending someone out first thing in the morning.” Silence ensued. Jordan glanced around the table at everyone, hoping at least one of his family members would say something, however, all was quiet. “I think that it’s a good thing I’ll be in court the whole time she’s sick, because we will be wrapping up our case over the next few days.” Still no response. Jordan exhaled sharply, “Can someone please tell me what’s going on? Why are you guys so quiet?” Craig pushed out his chair, “Honestly dad, I’m not feeling well. If it’s alright with you, I’m going to excuse myself and go to bed early tonight.” Before Jordan could reply, Craig took his plate to the sink and exited the kitchen. “Me too, I have a lot of homework to do and I want to get it done so I can hit the sack early tonight.” Vanessa copped out, pushing her chair out and fallowing behind her younger brother. With the kitchen half emptied, Jordan turned to face Denise, who just sat staring at him. “Are you alright, or would you like to excuse yourself as well?” Denise sighed, shook her head no and spoke what was on her mind. “I’m pregnant Jordan.” Jordan narrowed his brows, “What? That can’t be possible I thought you were on birth control?” Denise sighed, “I am.” Jordan cleared his throat. “And you still got pregnant?”“Yes.” “hmmm.” Jordan pushed his plate away from him. “How far along are you?”“In a couple of weeks I go for an ultrasound and by then I will know.”“That’s good.” With that, Jordan went silent. Denise sat across from him, her brown eyes unsure. They sat like that for five minutes before Jordan stood up to take his plate to the sink, going toward the door. “Is that all you have to say?” Denise inquired as he crossed the threshold to the door. He paused, “For now, yes. I need a shower and some R and R. I’m tired.” Denise sighed and glanced down at her plate, suddenly full.                                   Chapter Ten   ~ ~ Kalen was stooped down in the refrigerator pulling something out when Timothy came through the door, his satchel over his left shoulder. “Hey, Kalen.” “What’s up Tim.” She closed the fridge and turned toward the stairwell, biting into a red crisp apple on her way up to her bedroom. Timothy set his bag down on the kitchen table and opened the fridge, rambling through til he found some left over chili from last night’s dinner. His mind was still on the conversation he’d had with Tamarah at the docks a couple of days ago. Although they were halfway through their project, which they’d met today at the library to organize their research, Timothy had sensed her mind was overloaded with thoughts about her secret and what she would do with it. She had been quiet and pretending to be reading over the assignment when really all she was doing was staring at a screen with a few bibliography annotated. Sighing, he thought that she would feel so much better once she did actually tell Vanessa what had happened. He could tell that Vanessa knew something wasn’t right so she’d kept her distance over the past week. He knew without doubt that once Tamarah delivered her news that everything would hit the fan. Not only would he know but by the end of that day everyone else would know too. The amazing thing he wondered was how with Draniece and Athena knowing, no one else knew. Athena was quiet, so it was more likely she wasn’t going to tell but Draniece? What made her decide to not tell? She sure did tell everything else. Inhaling sharply, Timothy furrowed his brows, already hearing the rumors, slander and backlashing she’d receive. He was sorrowed that Tamarah would suffer what she would unintentionally have to go through all because of a decision she made at a party. A decision she’d be conformed to throughout the rest of her high school years. A decision that would ultimately ruin a great friendship between two best friends.   ~ ~   Vanessa POV:   Monday Morning   I felt something was wrong, knew instinctively upon awakening that today wasn’t going to be a great day for me. Don’t ask how because I’m not sure. I just know ever since I was a little tot, I’d get these feelings of forebodance and with each minute closing in they’d get even stronger until...something would occur. The last time I got this feeling was in Sixth grade when the middle school I attended cafeteria burned down. So needless to say, although this doesn’t happen often, when ever it does happen, it’s usually something horrid and today proved to be no exception as my insides began to hum with excess energy. The dread that encompassed me revealed itself through my expressions at breakfast as I sat sullenly munching on jellied toast and stirring cold eggs around on my plate. They’d been sitting there a good ten minutes now. My father glanced up at me, his gaze mirroring mine, “Are you ok, cupcake?” I felt a tiny flicker of a smile, but even that took a lot as my expression went back to where it was. “I’m ok I suppose.” “What’s wrong?” He sat down the newspaper he’d been reading and stared at me. I sighed and stood up, finally deciding it was time to go. “I’m not sure. I just know that today isn’t going to be my best day.” ~ ~   As Tamarah approached the school, she stopped, stared at the giant building looming ahead and could hear music playing in the background of her mind; As if she was a woman going to the gallows. Sighing heavily, she opened the big glass doors.   There weren’t many students arriving at this time. She’d told Tommy that she wanted to meet him a good thirty minutes early in the library, that way the morning crowd wouldn’t have to hear what she was about to say. Clearing her throat, she walked down the hall to the first door on the right. Once she stepped on the beige carpet, the sound of her heels quieted as she scanned the steel tables for Tommy. He wasn’t anywhere in the front. Pulling her back pack closer to her shoulders, she marched her way past the front book cases and then to the back where a second set of tables were. Tommy sat with his feet crossed at the ankles, both propped up on the table while leaning back in the chair. “Look at what the cat dragged in.”   Tamarah cut her eyes at him, stopping in front of him. “I only came to tell you something.” Her tone was serious. “What?” “I’m pregnant.” Tommy let out a hoot of laughter. “You’re pregnant?” “Yeah.” He laughed some more. Tamarah stood there with a look of cold anger in her dark charcoal eyes. When he saw her expression, he realized she was serious. Raising a brow at her, he inquired, “What are you going to do about it?” “You mean we...What are we going to do about it?” Tommy removed his feet from off the table, put them on the ground and leaned forward, closer to her, “Naw, I mean what are you going to do about it? I ain’t got nothing to do with this.” Tamarah narrowed her brows, “Ain’t is not a word and you sir do have something to do with it. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with, so this is not just my responsibility but yours too.” Tommy shook his head, “You expect me to believe that?”   Tamarah’s eyes turned stormy, the rage clear in her pupils. “I don’t give a damn what you believe Tommy, but that’s the truth, so don’t try to make me look like some two bit whore when I’m not.” Tommy laughed again and then sighed. It was then while staring in his features, she realized that the irises were red. Feeling her body tense together, she asked him, “What the hell have you been toking on?” He laughed again. It was then she realized that talking to him was useless. Turning around she walked out of the library, leaving him giggling in hysteria by himself. As she took a deep sigh, she wondered when did he begin taking drugs? He'd always been a jerk but the red eyes was something new. How did you go from a world class jerk to a drug addict in a matter of weeks? Was this how high school supposed to be?   Vanessa POV: Believe it or not but as I was entering the building to the school, I saw Tamarah come out of the library. She had this pissed off look on her face, the kind she got when she was disgusted with someone or something. Her eyes would squint, her hands clutch at the sides and then her mouth would purse like she’d been eating sour grapes. I went up to her and greeted her. “What’s up T?” I watched as the anger she displayed morphed into a wide eyed nervous look. Narrowing my gaze, I asked, “What’s wrong with you?” She glanced at me, her eyes tearing up. I was taken aback by the sadness in them. She mumbled an excuse me and turned toward the bathroom. My heart went out to her. Following her to the restroom, I pushed the door open. When I got inside, she was going into one of the stalls to get some tissue. I stood there leaned against a wall, waiting for her to exit. When she did, she continued to swipe at her eyes. I listened as she wiped her eyes and then washed her hands with soap and water. “Are you alright Tamarah?” She shook her head no. I felt my heart descend into sympathy. “What’s wrong girl?” “I...I...” Tears welled up in her eyes again and I listened as she struggled with her words. The same feeling I’d awoken to this morning settled into the pit of my stomach. This was it? This was what that feeling was about? My heart began to pound and I didn’t want to be there. My mind immediately went to Tommy and knew instinctively this was connected. I watched her inhale a deep breath as she attempted to gather her composure. “There is something I need to tell you, but you have to promise me you won’t kill me.” I crossed my hands over my chest. “I think I already know.”She narrowed her brows. “Yeah?” “Yeah, I do. You’ve been sleeping with Tommy right?” I felt the trembles began and as I sank against the bathroom wall, I tried desperately to hold myself up. “No. I haven’t been sleeping with him. However, I did once...”   I interrupted her. “The party right?”She raised her brows. “How’d you know?”   “It’s genetic.” I stated, feeling a sigh of relief. Relief that she’d atleast spoken the truth after all of these weeks.   “You’re not mad?” She inquired, quizzing me.   I shrugged, “I spent so much time so sure and so mad before that I think I’ve adjusted to the news.” She squinted her eyes confused. “So...you’re not mad?”   I shrugged, “I suppose not.” She exhaled. “I guess that means I can tell you what I need to tell you then.”   I raised my brow, my heart skipping and beating so loudly, I was sure it would jump out my chest any minute now. “There’s more?” I whispered, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears. “I’m pregnant.” She stated quietly. Firecrackers, that’s what I heard in my head, explosive, loud, ringing as anger welled up inside me. As it frothed, another voice whispered, “quiet. Stay quiet.” I turned away and walked out of the bathroom, feeling my heart shatter, my blood pumped profusely and surprisingly enough, there were no words coherent enough to utter as my brain processed the news. ~ ~ Clarissa raised a brow. Pregnant? Tamarah was pregnant and get this...by Tommy Whitaker? An evil laugh roused from deep within her throat as she reached on the side of her bag, pulled out her cellphone and started a text. ~ ~ Tommy enetered the guys’ locker room with his bag on his shoulder. A guy came up and patted him on the back, “Way to go man.” Tommy nodded his head, showing him respect. “I didn’t know you had it like that, man. Damn, two girls on your jock. I’m impressed.”Tommy narrowed his brows, looking up at Marcus Selton. “What the hell are you talking about?”He just laughed and continued on with what he was doing. As he stopped at his locker, twisting the combination lock he pulled it open and pulled his uniform out and threw his back pack in. “I see you been putting in some over time.” Mathew Lier came over to him and tapped on his locker. The thing opened on its own. “What?” “Bestfriends at that, dayum...” Tommy flickered his eyes at Mathew. “What the hell are you talking about?” “Check it out.” Mathew touched the screen on his phone, clicked the messenger and showed Tommy the message in bright purple ink. TAMARAH GREY IS PREGNANT BY TOMMY WHITAKER.” Tommy’s eyes went so big, he roared, “What the hell...”“So is it true?” “Hell to the naw, who sent that?” He inquired. Just then his phone beeped and he pulled it out of his pocket. Opening the messenger, he read the text: Congrats Daddy to be...” This was from one of his drinking buddies. Just then the anger he felt spout up in him nearly toppled over as he grabbed his bag out of the locker and slammed it shut. Eyes so angry with red, he left the locker room and went in search of the only person who could have spoken a word. ~ ~ Tamarah was in the library third hour, going over the list of movies with Timothy. “Tamarah, we have to pick something. The project is due in two weeks and we still haven’t agreed on anything.”   “Why don’t we just each pick a few and watch them instead of trying to agree because we’ll never get done if we keep up this way. We’ve changed this list fifteen times and still can’t find a common ground.”   Timothy exhaled, “True.” His eyes scanned the list. Just then the library door opened and before the scene could be processed, Timothy was caught in astonishment as Tamarah was grabbed up from her seat and slung like a rag doll. Timothy stood up and ran to her, stepping in front of her. “No.” He yelled.   “Move boy, this ain’t got nothing to do with you.” The anger in Tommy’s voice was so hard, that Timothy himself almost waivered, but all this did was take him back to the days when he had to step in front of his mother’s boyfriends. “Maybe not, but I’m not going to let you hurt her.” He stated, “You need to go somewhere and cool off.”   “I’ll just flatten you too.” As Tommy came at him, Timothy grabbed the nearest object and slung it at him, uppercutting him hard. Tommy felt even more rage enter him, while Tamarah along with the rest of the students who’d been sitting in the front at the tables, moved out of the way as Tommy lunged at Timothy again. This time Timothy moved out the way and watched as he connected with a book shelf, knocking it to the ground and falling with it. He stepped aside as Tommy moaned.   Campus Security had come by then and were making their way to where he was. They grabbed Tommy and helped him up. His gaze went directly to Tamarah, “I’ll get you bitch, if it’s the last thing I do.” His gaze landed to Timothy. “You may have saved her today, but not forever.” Timothy exhaled sharply and took a step back.   His gaze went to Tamarah, “What the hell did you do to piss him off now?” Tamarah stood there shaking. She exhaled a deep breath and put her hand up to her face. She feared that Vanessa has spoken to him. Just then, she heard a phone go off. Looking over at the table she and Timothy had been sitting at she watched as his phone vibrated. He glanced at her and then back at the phone. Walking to the table. He grabed the phone, swiped it a couple of times and seeing the message displayed before his eyes, he gasped and his entire face drained of color. Not a second later, he felt Tamarah come up next to him and before he could do anything, she covered her hand over her mouth, grabbed her books and ran out of the library. ~ ~       Chapter Eleven: Vanessa POV: I sat in third hour, trying hard to concentrate, as I attempted to push what Tamarah had told me out of my mind and figuring out what it was I was going to do. The hardest thing I’d ever faced was what to do with my so called boyfriend, who’d betrayed me with my bestfriend. The constant click of my pin tip as it was pushed up and down, offered a distraction that allowed me to be lost in thought, contemplating on the correct way to dispose of a guy who up until this point, never gave an indication that he was being unfaithful. As my attention Mr. Paris My home ec teacher was talking about baking an angel food cake. I took a deep breath, staring at the ingredients lying before me; Eggs, flour and sugar were just a few of the ingredients needed to make my angel food cake. I inhaled sharply and glanced down at the unfinished list of items I’d yet to grab.   Taking the list in hand, I went back to the massive fridge that had been placed in the room and gathered the rest of what I needed. I’d been back at my desk, reading over the ingredients list for the last time, when I heard a vibration. Luckily, not many people were paying attention to me, since they’d already started working on their dishes. In a class of fifteen. I was one of three people incharge of desert for the end of the year lunch we were doing today. This was three of four more classes left. Reaching down into my bag, I opened it and pulled it out.   Flickering it open, I stared mouth agaped at the text flashing before my eyes. Every color I had in my face naturally drained from embarrassment and I scrolled down to find the message had been practically sent through the whole school. As I stared, my head began to hurt and anger began to well up in my heart. As it did, I heard a knock sound at the door. Mr. Paris left one of the students he was assisting and opened the door. My eyes locked on Mrs. Devonpeele our principal and it took all the strength I could muster to not fall where I stood. “May I speak with Ms. Williams, please?” I dropped my head to pretend I hadn’t heard her. Mr. Paris glanced over at me. “Vanessa Ms. Devonpeele would like to speak with you.” I stood there frozen, not sure of what to do. I could feel the eyes of the other students on me as they waited for me to go to her. “Vanessa.” Mr. Paris called my name a second time. I exhaled and pushed my phone back into my bag, “Bring your bag too.” I pulled the bag across my shoulder and felt my legs turning to jelly as I made my way toward her. ~ ~ “I really didn’t want to pull you out of class, but however, considering the circumstances, I had no choice.” I stared across the desk at Ms. DevonPeele and said nothing. “Is there something you’d like to tell me?” I turned my face away from her toward the window. I’d been sitting in her office for a good fifteen minutes and she’d already gone over the text with me and spoke about how she condemned such inappropriate content being displayed on school grounds. She already knew who’d sent the message and would deal with the remaining pupils involved after she dealt with me. She also stated given my temper, she wanted to make sure that I wasn’t allowed on school grounds for a couple of days. This I found funny.   She only wanted to get the scoop beforehand and what perfect way to do it than to pretend to be looking out for my and everyone else’s best interest. Well, the joke was on her because not only was I not giving out blows. I also wasn’t giving out information. Glancing down at my watch, I said, “My mom’s outside, so, I’m just going to sign out and be on my way.”   “Your mother didn’t call the office yet.” She attempted to stop me.   I held up my phone. “She just sent me a text.” Just then, her phone rang on her desk and I watched as she answered, “Principal Devonpeele...Yes, she’s here...alright and thank you very much for picking her up...No, just for a couple of days, she can return on Wednesday, when things die down a bit...Yes...I assure you Mrs. Williams. None of this is her fault...Yes, she was just caught in the middle of it. Well, I have to make sure that the students remain safe, especially after what occurred in the library earlier.”   I raised a brow, What occurred in the library?   “Yes, ma’am, a couple of students got into a fight and they were sent home...Well, ma’am, it was over the text message sent...” I listened silently, but inside I was raging and my heart was racing.   Dread filled me as it dawned on me that come tomorrow, everyone who went to this school would know what conversation had taken place between me and Tamarah. The question was, who had over heard the information? I cursed myself for not checking the stalls. How much more embarrassing could this be? The school’s involvement, my parents involvement...” As it dawned on me how many kids had parents, I shook my head in disgust. I’d be the talk of the town by the end of the week. Everyone from here to tim buk tu would know that my boyfriend had gotten my bestfriend pregnant. As I put my face in my hand, I tried not to allow tears to fall from my eyes. ~ ~ Denise was still talking to the principal when Vanessa entered the vehicle. The solemn expression on her face spoke of the suffering she’d had undergone this after noon.   “Thank you, Ms. Devonpeele. Have a nice day.” After discharging the conversation, Denise hung up the phone. She put her foot on the break and pulled the gear shift to Drive. Vanessa cleared her throat. “I don’t want to talk about it mom.” Denise nodded her head, “I know. I wouldn’t want to either.” Vanessa crossed her arms over one another, staring straight ahead. The car was silent as they made their way home. Once there, Vanessa opened the door, got out and shut it behind her. Denise, who'’d been getting groceries at the grocery store when Ms. Devonpeele called, popped the trunk and grabbed the few paper bags inside. She closed the trunk and pressed the button on her key ring to ensure all doors were locked.   Denise was in the kitchen putting away groceries, thinking about what the principal had told her. Apparently one of the students was pregnant in the school and ironically enough, it had been spread throughout the school and unfortunately, it had something to do with Vanessa. Denise furrowed her brows, Vanessa wasn’t pregnant was she? As this thought entered and she was about to call Vanessa down for a chat, the doorbell rang. She closed the fridge and went to the door.   Tamarah stood there staring at her with tears streaking her face. Denise put her hand out and ran it across her face. “Are you alright?” She asked. Tamarah shook her head no. “My life is ruined.” She whispered. Denise placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and allowed her entrance into the house, moving to the side. Closing the door, she asked, “What’s a matter?” Tamarah sniffled, “I...”   “Get out.” This caused Denise to glance up at Vanessa who was coming down the stair landing, her face looking as if she wanted to murder Tamarah. Tamarah glanced up, tears streaking her cheek. “I’m sorry Vanessa.” “I don’t want you around my family, get out.” Vanessa stated, her voice getting louder. Denise raised a brow finally understanding what was going on. “Vanessa, she’s your bestfriend.”   Vanessa who’d came from the stairs, stopped in front of them. “Not anymore. She needs to get the hell out of here before I throw her out. Get out!” She yelled. “Vanessa...” Her mother started, her heart dropping at the dark storm growing in her daughter’s gaze, causing her pupils to turn a light grey. Denise knew that look all to well. It would continue to darken to a dark charcoal black if her request wasn’t heeded and after that, there was no telling what would happen. Glancing over at Tamarah, she stated, “You know, perhaps it’s best for you to leave.” Tamarah glanced at Vanessa, her gaze bearing a brokenheart . Turning toward the door, she left. When the door closed, Denise glanced at Vanessa who just stood there, her expression dark. “Vanessa, what’s going on?” “She’s pregnant by Tommy, that’s what.”   Denise blinked, her eyes round and wide, “Come again?”   “You heard me.” Vanessa stated, turning toward the stair case.   Denise stared at her daughter's retreating figure, "What..." Vanessa shrugged her shoulders as she walked back up to her room. Denise was so flabbergasted that she didn’t even know how to address the situation. Her mind tried to process the fact that a pregnant fifteen year old just left the house. Her daughter’s best friend was pregnant by her daughter’s boyfriend? This was unsettling to her, that not only was she pregnant but a young teenager was going to be a mother too, what the hell.... ~ ~   Chapter Twelve:   “Here’s what we have Mr. Marks, just to be clear...You say that on Thursday, March 15, 2019, you got into an argument with your supervising manager Mr. Chad Estalle and he punched you in the nose, correct?” Jordan inquired, already knowing that this was a case that would not be going to far, therefore, he would not give it any attention. “Yeah, he punched me in the nose after I told him that he could take his job and shove it up his arse.” Jordan nodded. “Any you want to sue him for assault?” “I do because it’s unconstitutional for a surpervising manager to punch an employee.”Jordan lifted a brow. “Unconstitutional?” “Yes. I believe he should get what’s coming to him.”“Mr. Marks, everyone within eye witness view stated that you punched him first, that you drew the first lick.” “I did not. He the one who did me wrong, telling me I’m terminated without cause.”Jordan sighed, “Mr. Marks, at the beginning of your employment you signed a document stating that he could fire you without cause.” “Mr. Williams, you don’t sound like you want to help me.”Jordan stared at the younger man, shaking his head, “I refuse to prosecute a case where you the instigator.” “I didn’t instigate anything. You know what, I know what this is about, you don’t want to take me on because...” Jordan held up his hand, interrupting him, “Wait a minute, Marks, color has nothing to do with this. You simply don’t have a case. Any judge would throw this out. In front of ten witnesses, which can all be verifiied, you threw the first punch and therefore the other party had a right to defend himself.” “Those witnesses are lying.” Jordan exhaled, “I see. Mr. Marks, I’d appreciate it if you could take your case else where, I refuse to participate.” Mr. Marks shrugged his shoulder, “You’re not even the best, I just came to you because you were more reasonably priced. I need the best on my behalf and apparently you’re not.” “Have a nice day Mr. Marks. Thank you for stopping in.” Jordan ignored his statement. While he wasn’t the best yet, he was surely working his way there, making a name for himself. He’d actually had his own firm for seven years now and there was nothing better than setting your own terms. Those terms meant not having to take on any case he didn’t want too and this particular case, he definitely didn’t want. They guy had actually swung on his boss, so as a method of protection had been punched in the eye and told to get out of the building before he’d be escorted out by the company.   As a sense of his own precaution, Jordan dialed Bridgett his secretary number and asked her if Mr. Marks had made it her way. She informed him that he had, but also said that his one oclock appointment, Gina Harrelson was here. He told her to send her back. He’d gone over Gina Harrelson’s file and and saw that she wanted to pursue a sexual harrassment case. He’d gotten her initial form and asked her to come into the office, so that he could get more information on what had been happening since she started working at INK Palace, a company that offered services for up and coming writers.   Although the establishment was in Richmond, she said that she’d wanted to go outside the Richmond area to find a legal firm that wasn’t in INK Palace’s pocket. What made Jordan curious was the fact that of all the law firms more reputable, she’d actually chosen one that had been open for a short amount of time. He was sure there had been other firms in the area, but had chosen, Eye Corp as her choice. Jordan pushed the intercom button on his desk, speaking to Bridgett, “Will you please send Gina Harrelson back, please?”   “She’s on her way now, Mr. Williams.” She stated. Jordan glanced down at his notes, going over them once again and waited for her entry. When he heard a knock at the door way, he stood up, placed his pen on the desk and prepared to greet the woman in the door. He paused in his steps, his heart doing a little dip and suddenly little electrons coursed through his body. His eyes stared in awe at the young lady before him. Hair as red as fire, deep crystal like blue eyes and full cherry colored red lips. His gaze scanned over her perfectly formed face, high cheekbones, long slender neck, and a sleek form to match. As his eyes roamed further, they caressed beautifully built sleek shoulders that were accented by the short sleeve tunic she wore. His pulse sped up as his eyes roamed further.   A clearing of her throat, brought his head back to her face. His eyes met hers with a deep smoky look, even he was unaware of. As she stared at him, her lips pressed together and a soft tint rose to color her cheeks. He darted his eyes across the room, trying to find something to bring his mind away from her beauty. Unsuccessful, he exhaled sharply and stated, his tone firm, “Hello, I’m Jordan Williams.” She held out a hand to shake his. He took a step back. Something in the back of his mind told him not to shake her hand. “Hello,” She stated, her tone sultry. “I’m Gina Harrelson, nice to meet you.”   He nodded, going to his desk, “Like wise. I see that you...” His voice trailed off as his gaze went from the paper work to her. She stared back at him, her blue eyes innocent. When he didn’t speak for a minute, she said, “I came here because I wanted to sue the company I work for.” He nodded, his mind clicking into gear, “Right, um...you say that you’ve suffered several occassions of sexual harrassment from a Mr. Olier Devode” She shook her head, “Yes, ever since I started working there two years ago.”   Jordan furrowed his brows, “Two years ago? I could have sworn your paper work was contrary. It said one year ago you started with the company.”   She shrugged, “Well, hey, it seems like longer than that,” This statement Jordan filed in the back of his mind. “I usually have a cigarette break, do you mind if I do so, right now?”   Jordan objected, “Actually smoking on the premises is prohibited.” She glanced over at him, dropping a dazzling smile, “I will only take a puff. As much as I hate these things, they’re my only source of relief.” Jordan nodded. “I undestand that ma’am, but it’s against policy to smoke in this building.” She nodded, “Alright,” and put the cigarette back in her purse.”   “So, did all of this start with Mr. Olier?”   “Yes, this all started with Mr. Olier.”   “Would you mind telling me when?”   “I started working there in December of 2017. A good week I’d been working there when he started complementing me on my looks, then that escalated to my wardrobe and then that escalated to my physical body.”   Jordan waited for her to continue but when she didn’t, he exhaled sharply. “Did he ever lay a finger on you? Touch you in any sexual way? Make lewd comments?” Gina shrugged, “Always, he’d lean in suggestively to me and make all sorts of off handed comments...”   “What kind of comments would you consider off handed?”“You know, the inappropriate kind.”   “Could you be more specific?”   Gina’s brows creased in a morbid frown, “ I have to be specific?”“Every question I’m asking you will be asked while you’re bringing the case before the judge.”“Oh...well, he did used to say a girl like me could get anything I want from someone like him, if I chose to use the right assets.”   “Did he ever comment personally on what those assets entailed?”Gina glanced at him, her eyebrows rising, “Do you not believe what I’m telling you?” Jordan answered, “It’s not that I do or don’t believe you, it’s that you haven’t given me one ounce of information to go off of.”   “He used to rub himself against me whenever I stepped into his office.”Jordan wrote this down on his note pad. “How often did it happen?”“at least six times in the past year.”   “Six times without your approval?”   “Yes.”   “Did you ever complain to the higher ups?”   “Yes.”   “And?...”   “And nothing happened.”   “Who did you complain to?”   “The store manager and then the director, all the way up practically.”“I see. Did you file a sexual harassment complaint?”“I did.”   “And no one acknowledged it?”   “No.”   Why didn’t you quit if no one listened to your complaints?”   “I couldn’t, I needed the money and honestly, it’s been the only job I’ve been able to access this year alone.”   “Do you have a copy of the harassment report?”   “Yes.”   Jordan nodded his head, “Will you bring the report in with you next time you come to my office?”“Sure.”   “What’s your position at Ink Palace ?”   “Sales associate.”   Jordan wrote this down as she continued to talk. “You see Mr. Williams, it’s not just that I have myself to support, but I also take care of my mother and nephew on this salaried position.”   “As a sales associate, you get Salary?”   Gina nodded, “It’s one of the things that make Ink Palace unique.”Jordan nodded his head understanding. “Ok. How much do you pull in a year?”   “Is this about the pay because over the phone you said that the first consultation was free and you wouldn’t charge a retainer unless the case was accepted.”   Jordan smiled, “And I meant it. I won’t charge you the retainer unless the judge decides to hear your case, you have my word on it.” “Does that include other fees and taxes?”   “The only thing you will worry about is paying for the courts to process the documents, that’s all. I won’t receive a penny.”   “Do you do this with all your clients?”   “This is actually three weeks into a two month promotional, to promote better clientale.”“Do you have any big shots?”   “I don’t discuss any of my clients’ profiles.”   “I guess that’s a no then.”   Jordan laughed, “So anyhow, now that we’ve established why you’ve continued to work for Ink Palace, I need to know who else has involvement with what’s been occurring within the office.” Jordan listened as she ticked off name after name and could only imagine what lay ahead for him pertaining to this case. ~ ~   I feel like I’m going to loose my mind... Seeing you with her has made me blind... The rage so swift...like a knawing death trap waiting to be set free... I would expect that from some one else, not you two...seeing how you both hated equally. Vanessa wrote the chorus to her new song first, so that when she wrote the lyrics she’d be able to write them around it. She was so angry, she had to push herself to focus on school work and everything else, except writing. Her music writing was her solace at this moment. As she glanced down at the lyrics, she could feel the beat drumb through her heart and pull itself up through her vocal chords in her throat, causing her mouth to open and a beautiful high pitch soprano come out, giving the lyrics life. The pain in her heart as she spoke them was strong and showed itself in her voice. More words seemed to come as she lost herself in the smooth melody that seemed to be developing. I thought you were right for me because you made it seem so...I thought we’d be like bonnie and clyde except on an alusive ride. No where to go, nothing to do, now that you have made me the fool. My heart I gave, my love burned fierce, the ashes won’t complete the depth of my tears...I love you a lot, the pain is so real...I don’t think you understand how this make me feel....   She went back to the chorus, belting out the soulful sound from her stomach.   I feel like I’m going to loose my mind Seeing you with her has made me blind The rage so swift...like a knawing trap waiting to be set free... I would expect that from someone else, not you two seeing how you both hated equally...   A repeat of the chorus two more times rounded out the song and Vanessa could feel the last verse flow through her body soul and mind as tears welled up in her eyes, causing her heart to break... I gave myself to you, heart body and soul...anything you spoke would have been gold. Waiting and hoping for the time to be right, the perfection to shine through, glad through and through I was with you. I shared my innermost thoughts, the sweet longing in my heart...All of those kisses, seemingly deep, did more than sweep me off my feet. I loved you a lot, something fierce, even imaged seeing us through the years...I wasn’t sure we’d make it but hoped we could....That’s all gone now, down the drain... ~ ~   “So, let me get this straight...You jumped up in defense of a girl at school and ended up in a fight?” Timothy shook his head yes. “Well, she wasn’t just any girl.”His mother, who’d been making lunch for both of them sat his sandwich in front of him. Her eyes going to his. “I see...not just any girl?” Timothy laughed at this, “Yes, mom, that girl is Tamarah Grey.”Carol Rawsin’s eye brows rose in alarm, “Oh, that girl.”Timothy furrowed, “What’s that supposed to mean, mom?”“Nothing, it’s just I received a text message...” “Oh my God. How did you get the message, who,,,” “I don’t know, some girl sent it to Janine and she sent it to me.” Janine Wilson was his mother’s bestfriend. “Kelly didn’t send it to her?” Timothy asked speaking of Janine’s seventeen year old daughter. “No. She didn’t even go to school today. She was out sick.”“Oh, well you know I never did like it when guys hit girls, so I thought it would be beneficial to step in.” “uh huh, listen, Tim, don’t think I don’t notice how you look at that girl.” Timothy flickered his gaze over to his mother. He’d never heard that tone in her voice before. A strong dislike was wrapped around those words. “She’s not a bad girl mom.”   "Of course not, she just happened to get pregnant miraculously.”   “Mom, Tamarah’s not fast ok. There’s more to her than just being pregnant.”   “Timothy, that’s the kind of girl that will eat you up and spit you out. A man eater.”   “And what proof of this do you have?”   “Pregnant at fifteen isn’t enough?”   Timothy shook his head, his answer blunt. “No.”   Carol looked at him, her brows furrowed, “You have feelings for this girl Timothy?” Timothy didn't respond.   “And don’t lie to me too, I know you to well.”   Timothy sighed and gulped down the glass of milk she’d placed in front of him. Glancing up to meet her gaze, he nodded, “And since you do then I don’t need to even answer that question.”   “hmmm.”   Timothy laughed at her expression. “Ok, so what if I like her.”   Carol sighed, “She’s not even saved.”   Timothy nodded his head, “I noticed that mom. I may like her but that doesn’t mean It’ll advance any further than that. You know that I have my priorities in order. God’s first on my list. Not a skirt.”   “That’s good to hear.” Carol stated, her eyes still on Timothy. Although she didn’t say, she knew that the old guy still lurked in there somewhere and that was the Timothy she worried about.     ~ ~ “I need to talk to you, mom.” “Now’s not a good time, baby. I have to get ready for work.” “It won’t take too long. I need to tell you what’s been going on with me lately.” “Tamarah, sweetheart...” “Mom, please...” “Tamarah, I have a five o’clock appointment and this home is worth a lot more than my last, so if I get this sold, I not only get a bigger percentage, but I also get a nice fat comission from the sale, now please...” “Mom, I’m pregnant.” Tamarah blurted out, staring up at her mother with her brown eyes flushed with tears. Angela Grey gaze first shocked, glanced down at her daughter, kissed her on the forehead and then stated they’d talk about it when she came home. Tamarah stared at her, her heart breaking, “Mom, didn’t you just hear what I said?” Angela nodded, turned toward her press ons and cleared her throat, her pink cherry lipstick the perfect shade for her medium toned skin and answered, “I hear you and we will deal with this a little later.” With that, she grabbed her keys off the counter top and rushed toward the door. “I promise not to be long and I will sit down and have a talk with you then. It’s not the end of the world, Tamarah. Lots of girls get pregnant at your age.” Tamarah’s eyes widened in surprise. How could her own mother say anything like that? She watched as her mother’s footsteps went past the hall way and to the front door.   Turning the brass knob, she quickly exited it. She sat there for a minute staring, wondering, how and why did she end up with a woman who just didn’t care or even get it. Reaching up and whiping her hands over her eyes, she went to the door and as she was about to push it close, the door pushed open and she felt the sting without having seeing the hit. Tamarah’s eyes stung as she glanced up into the face of Tommy whitaker. His rage so raw and heated, he came toward her again,   Tamarah cried out loud but instead of running away, she ran toward him, shouting a stream of curse words. She screamed, “I hate you, I hate you!, as her fists wailed into his chest, hitting him as hard as she could. He yelled, “Shut the hell up.” and grabbed her by the throat. Although he squeezed and it hurt, Tamarah used every ounce of her strength to pull her foot up to his groin area and connect with it. She balled up her fist and hit him so hard in the eye, he stumbled backward, completely loosing the grip he’d already loosened from the previous hit and let go of her kneck.   Tamarah ran at him again and kicked him hard in the stomach, he gasped, “You bitch, I’m going to kill you.” His hand grasped a fist full of her hair and pulled her toward him. She screamed and yelled as he wrapped his hand around her throat. Her hands went to his eyes as she tried to pry them out of his skull. As far as she was concerned, her life was over any way and it didn't matter, nothing mattered except hurting him the same way she hurt and even if it took her last breath, she would make him pay for this. As she began to caugh from lack of air, she faught to draw in breath.   Tears welled up in her eyes and she could feel everything begin to fade as the fight in her began to fade until eventually, there was none left and she went limp. Tommy glanced down at her, his eyes hard and full of hatred. He actually felt no fear, no remorse, not even sympathy for the young girl that lay still beneath him. Staring down at her, making sure she wasn’t about to move, he nodded satisfactorily and turned to exit out of the apartment. As he did, sirens were heard in the distance. Someone had called the police. He smirked and hoped they’d brought a body bag because she was going to need one.   ~ ~                           Chapter Thirteen: ~ ~ Tamarah startled awake, beads of perspiration falling down her forehead and the temples of her face. With a shaky hand, she reached up and wiped away the sweat. Putting her hand up to her face, she let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes tightly, trying hard to forget the nightmare she’d had. Pushing her hair away from her face, she let out a deep sigh and felt a fear encompass her heart. She didn’t want to die, wasn’t ready to die. Glancing around, she noticed that she was on the couch and light shadows were shrouding the windows in the condo she shared with her mother. She remembered her mother telling her they’d talk after she got home, but anything outside of that alluded her. Her first idea was to call Vanessa and tell her about it but then she remembered that Vanessa was a part of nightmare. She thought of other possibilities and the only person she knew who’d talked to her was Tim. She’d never used his phone number for anything other than the school project. Sighing, she got up, went to her book bag and pulled out her project folder. Opening the flap, she stared at the name and number written on top of the page. Running her hand over it, she exhaled a deep breath and stared at it. ~ ~ Timothy jogged across Deppend road to the country road Altman and picked up his pace as he continued out. Altman went on for a good stretch of three miles before hitting Mariner boulevard and turning down another long winding road that led up a good mile to a small grocery store which would be where he’d stop to catch his breath and refill on the water canteen he had. Drenched in sweat by the time he hit Mariner, he swiped his brow and took a long swig on the canteen and then set out to a walk, allowing the water to filter through his body. He’d walked halfway down Mariner by the time he felt his heart rate slow down to normal. He calculated his pulse, took a pen and piece of paper out of his bag and wrote down the number. He then determined his Target heart rate before continuing on through walking til he got to the store. When he arrived there he was not surprised to see his mother’s best-friend Janine behind the cash register. “Hi Janine.” “Hey, Tim. How’s it going?” “Alright,” He stated, heading to the back of the store for a water. “Enjoying your run on this Spring evening?” “Yes. It’s been nice thus far.” “How’s your mom?” “Good, she’s...” Just then, Timothy'’s phone went off and he went through his bag to come up with it before it stopped ringing. He found it underneath his stop watch and canteen. Swiping the screen, he answered. “Hello?” “Hi, Tim.” Immediately his heart plummeted and began beating furiously, “Hi Tamarah.”“I was calling because there was no one else to talk to you know, so I thought since I had your number...” The words rushed out of her mouth.   Timothy found himself smiling, “No prob. What’s up?”   “Well, I had a bad dream and I needed someone to talk to about it.”   “Oh, I just finished a run...”   “I..well, I can call back another time...” She interrupted. “No..no, it’s cool. I um...just...” Timothy frowned as he realized he couldn’t remember what he'’d been about to say. He’d suddenly forgot his train of thought. “You know...I’ll just...” with that she hung up. Timothy pulled the phone away from his face, hitting it against the counter. “Uhh, this is so frustrating.” His cheeks were so red they spoke of the embarassment.   “That was the strangest conversation I’ve ever heard.” Janine stated, watching Timothy with pecuilar eyes. “She just hung up on me.” Timothy stated, looking up at Janine. “I can’t believe she hung up on me.”   “Who?”   Timothy was about to say her name but stopped himself, immediately knowing that she’d know who Tamarah was. Going to the freezer, he pulled out a water, pulled a dollar from his pocket and slapped it on the counter, “I’ll talk to you later Janine.” Timothy ran out of the store. ~ ~   Tamarah laid a frustrated hand over her forehead, not knowing what to do. She’d needed someone to talk to and for some reason had gotten the bright idea to call him, but that obviously back fired. Inhaling sharply, she didn’t know why she was acting goofy. Standing up, she decided to go have a shower before she’d began dinner for herself. She’d plan to make beef hot dogs and black beans over a bed of rice. After a shower she went downstairs, pulled out the ingredients and began the small dinner she was going to prepare. Just as she’d gotten the rice into a pot to boil, the doorbell rang. Going to the door, she was about to pull it open but stopped, remembering her nightmare. “Tamarah, it’s Timothy.” Tamarah glanced down at herself, relieved that she atleast had a robe on over her pajamas. Exhaling sharply, she unlocked the door and opened it. “Hi.” He stated.   Tamarah smiled, “Hi.” “You hung up on me.”   She nodded her head, moving away from the door, allowing him entrance, “I know.”   “Why?” He inquired, stepping into the house. Tamarah stared at him, seeing that he was still in his exercise clothing. Sweat drenched his hair as it matted his forehead as well as his body and clothing. “You came over here straight from your run?”   Timothy sat his bag down beside the couch, “Yes.”   “Why?” Tamarah inquired confused.   Timothy didn’t answer her question, instead asked his own, “Do you have a towel?”Tamarah sighed, “I can do better than that.   "When my cousin Caleb comes in during the summer to visit, he usually has clothes in the spare bedroom, I can get you a pair.” With that, she ran through the hallway and through the kitchen area and up the stairs. Timothy took this time to look around the apartment. He noticed the kitchen done up in black and white on the East end of the wall. The appliances looked new with a nook inside the kitchen. Turning toward the living area, he noticed a fifty inch flat screen bolted to the west end wall, and beneath it a fire place. The living room was spacious as it held a white sectional sofa with end tables on either side and a coffee table with a throw rug underneath a blue and white speckled flooring, and yet still had enough space to walk through. The stairwell curved upward to where you were able to see the second floor with no problem, since there were no walls to block your view. There were several doors, dividing the areas. There was something homey, yet lonely about the place. That’s when he realizeed that the only sound in the house that could be heard was Tamarah’s. He slapped his forehead in irritation.   He hadn’t even bothered to ask about her parents. “I hope these fit well. You can shower in the downstairs bathroom.” Tamarah made her way downstairs to him. When she got to him and handed him the clothes, he said, “I didn’t know you were here by yourself.”   Tamarah smiled, “I usually am.”   “I’m sorry for just intruding like this.” His eyes connected with hers. Tamarah shrugged, “Trust me, it’s better than always being alone. The bathroom is right there.” She pointed behind his shoulder. That’s when Timothy noticed a door next to the television. “Ok, thanks.” Turning, he went to the bathroom. ~ ~   Tamarah glanced down at her robe and turned off the pot of rice when it was close to being done. She didn’t want to let the rice continue cooking and get soft, so before it completed the process, she turned it off. Taking this time, she ran upstairs, dressed and came back down wearing a red silk blouse and a pair of capri shorts that stretched around the waist. Going to the cabinet, she pulled out two plates and cups. She pulled out utensils from the drawers. As she was setting the table, Timothy came out of the bathroom, wearing the clothes she’d given him. Glancing up, she felt her heart began hammering. Her gaze was caught up in awe at the sky blue eyes that stood out against a golden halo of wet and wavy hair that was combed away from his forehead, giving a full view of his features. As her eyes locked with his, she felt pricks flood her body, giving off a lot of heat. He broke contact with her, “I didn't know you could cook.” She finally took her eyes away from him, her gaze having traveled the length of his muscular frame and glanced down at what she’d been momentarily distracted from. “Yeah, a light dinner, consisting of seasoned sliced hotdogs and black beans over a bed of rice.” She spooned two heaping fulls of rice onto her plate and then onto his, followed by the beans and hot dog combo. Taking the last skillet back to the stove, she went and sat down, grasping her fork in hand. “When you spend a lot of time at home by yourself, you have a tendency to learn a lot on your own.” Timothy nodded, reached across the table and grabbed Tamarah’s hand. Tamarah jumped, not used to the contact. Timothy sighed, “Grace, Tamarah. We have to thank God for our food.”   “Oh.” Tamarah put her hand back in his. She listened as he gave thanks for their food. When he finished, her hand stayed put.   He slowly pulled his away, “So are you always by yourself?” Taking ahold of the fork set beside his plate, he mixed his food together. “Yeah for the most part.”   “You know before I met the Rawsins, I always stayed at home by myself.”Tamarah sighed, “Yeah, it kind of sucks. All I do is cook, clean and sleep. I also used to spend a lot of time with Vanessa’s family.”   Timothy sighed, bringing a spoon full of food to his mouth. “Speaking of her, have you guys spoken?”   “No. I don’t think she’ll ever speak to me again, Tim.”   “How long have you two known each other?”   Tamarah shrugged, “since second grade.”   “Oh yeah?”   “Yeah.”   “I don’t think she would give that up for a guy. She doesn’t seem like she’s all that emotional anyway.”   “Vanessa is very emotional with a side of outspokenness and me me me.”   “You mean selfishness?”   “Yes, deeply so. Vanessa is smart and she is vocal. Although she lacks the empathy she needs for other people. She’s...an acquired taste.”   Timothy’s eyes went big, “Wow, that doesn’t sound too likeable on her part. Are you sure you’re her best-friend?”   Tamarah sighed, “Only a friend can say that with out fear of being beat up. Vanessa is loyal too you know, too a fault. I tried to tell her Tommy changed when we entered high school but she wouldn’t listen.”   “So you decided to show her, right?” Timothy regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.   Tamarah stared at him, without saying anything. She’d wanted to but something told her to hold back. She was reminded of when they were at the docks and how he’d been brash with her then. “I take it holding your tongue is not something you have conquered yet.”   Timothy looked down at his plate, staring at it’s emptiness. He hadn’t realized he’d eaten everything that quickly. “You know Tamarah, I haven’t always been a Christian and I sure didn’t grow up with the Rawsins.” He stated, glancing up at her. Tamarah’s eyes sparkled their curiosity. “No?” “No.” “Were you a bad boy?” Tamarah inquired, teasingly, a soft smile on her face. As his gaze fell to her lips, he shook his head, she had no idea. Glancing up at her, he asked, “Why don’t you want to go to church?”   Her eyes went to the table, “I’m kind of a private person. I don’t like people knowing my business.”   Timothy sighed, “Understandable, Tamarah, but everyone does things they are not proud of.”   “And church isn’t going to change that.” She stated while standing up to take her dishes to the sink. Timothy stood up, grabbing his items. He waited til she turned around before he handed them to her. “Church isn’t there to make your problems go away you know.”   Tamarah laughed, “Really?” Tamarah turned to face him and was surprised to find him a few feet in front of her.   His gaze was serious as he stared at her. “Really, it isn’t. Church is there to help you cope, give encouragement and help you to learn to love and respect God.”   Tamarah’s tone was breathless as she whispered, “And how is that working for you?”   He shrugged, his tone soft, “You tell me.”   Tamarah’s gaze waivered at the seriousness in his. She could see for the first time that there was an attraction in them. She could read the truth in his look. He did like her. Swallowing, her eyes drifted away from him and she said, “I have to clean off the table.” Timothy watched as she ran the dish towel over the table. She’d already cleaned the dishes they used. When completed, she stood at the table, refusing to move, her gaze meeting his. The dish towel dangling between her hands. As he stared at her, their was a heightened sense of attraction and the temptation to kiss her became strong. There was something about the sincerety in her eyes that called to him, almost seductive in a sense. It was pleading. He understood the reason for her standing by that table. If she moved any closer, it would be unbearable and undeniable of the unspoken attraction between them. He stood where he was, his gaze steady.   “I’m pregnant.” She stated. Her tone anxious.   He furrowed his brows, “yep.”   Tamarah’s gaze lowered, “I told my mom, you know.”   He raised his brows, “Yeah? Was she angry?”   Tamarah sighed, “No, all she said was, a lot of young girls get pregnant now adays.”   Timothy’s gaze went wide, “Seriously?”     Tamarah finally was able to move, walking past him, to the sink, “And then she went off to work.”   “She went to work?”   “Yeah. When she get home I think I’m going to talk to her about terminating the pregnancy.”   “Why not give the baby another home?” Timothy asked, “There are many people out there wanting to adopt.”   Tamarah shrugged her shoulders, “I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened.”   “And you can live with an abortion?” Timothy took the seat he’d had during dinner.   “Atleast I won'’t wonder if the baby’s being taken care of.”   “No, just about whether or not it would have been a boy or girl.” He stated.   Tamarah furrowed her brows, “Why is it that you always have something smart to say? Abortion is better than being a mother at fifteen.”   “Maybe you should have thought of that before you slept with the guy. I mean, it’s Tommy Whitaker for crying out loud, not someone actually worth sleeping with.”   Tamarah’s eyes got big, while Timothy wanted to slap himself on the mouth for saying what he said. Quickly his face turned beet red, to a point where his embarassment was extreme.   “Timothy Rawsin.” His name on her lips burned in his ears.   “I have to go. I will talk to you another time Tamarah.” He turned, swooping up his bag off the couch and running to the front door. Even as he pushed his way to the front door, he knew he wouldn’t come back over here. ~ ~ Vanessa POV: I sat on the couch staring at both my mother and father like they were crazy. Another baby? They were having another child ten years after Craig and fourteen years after me? Why? “I think it will be cool having another baby around here.” Craig stated. I’ve always wondered why you guys never had more children outside of me and billy goat gruff over there, but then again, looking at how she acts, I wouldn’t want to have any more either.” I cut my eyes at him, “Shut up, el stupido. Mom, dad, another kid this late in the game, really?” My dad’s gaze went to me, “Are you going for a guiness book of world record for the most groundings ever, because if so, you’re on the fast track.” I sighed, and through clenched teeth stated, “Congrats. I hope this works out for ya’ll.” Mom flickered her eyes over to me, “Shut up. Seriously, one more time Vanessa.” I was irritated beyond belief. No one saw this as a disaster but me? First Tamarah now my mom. Seriously, I didn’t want to be the most talked about girl in ninth grade. I could see it now. Did you hear about Vanessa? Her mom and best-friend are pregnant at the same time.” I felt nauseous as I considered the laughter that would be at my expense. Life couldn’t get any worse than what it was at the moment. “So that means that you guys will be expected to help out more around here, especially when your mother gets further along in her pregnancy.” My dad was saying. “I don’t mind mom, just give me a list and I’m good.” Craig stated. I narrowed my brows up to him. Unusually helpful. What was he up to? “I’m glad. Your mom and I have decided to increase your allowance for the time being to show our appreciation.” I raised a brow. More money meant more clothes, more shoes and well, anything else I wanted. I started thinking about my wardrobe and what could use an upgrade. Many ideas came to mind. “Alright, dad, I am on board, how much are we talking here?”“Twenty extra bucks each month.” I wasn’t satisfied with twenty but for the time being it would do. “Cool.” "So, tomorrow, Vanessa, I want you to make sure that when you come home you to start the laundry."   "I can't dad, I have cheerleading practice."   "Yes, at five o'clock. There's a two hour window between school letting out and practice, so come home and start the laundry. Denise and I have our first appointment tomorrow with Dr. Lister, so please make sure that you get the clothes in the wash and in the dryer."   I sighed, "Alright, dad. That will do."   "Thank you." With that, I asked to be excused and dad agreed.    Chapter Fourteen:   The following morning, after the kids had gone off to school, Denise who'd awaken later than usual came downstairs to find Jordan in his home office working from his desk. Glancing up at the clock, she inquired, her tone still a bit sluggish, “Why didn't you wake me up and aren't you supposed to be at the office?” His eyes never left the screen he was working from and said, “No, right now, I'm completing updated paperwork on The Harrelson case.” Denise shrugged, “ok. Plan on staying all day?” “Your appointment is at one and I want to make sure I'm there? What better plan to work through what I can while I can?” “Work through what you can while you can?” This sounded strange to her. The only time he ever brought work home was when there was an overflow in his schedule or he was wrapping up a case. Sighing, Denise crossed her arms over her chest, “So what's this about?” The doorbell intruded on her question, signaling the arrival of someone else. Standing up, Jordan glanced at her, “Nothing. I just thought it was a day for leisure.” Denise narrowed her brows, biting her bottom lip in suspicion. As he passed her, he placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. Denise turned and followed him toward the living room. As she did, she watched as the door opened and he greeted someone, “Hi Gina.” “Hi Mr. Williams, thanks for allowing me to come in today, I have those papers that you requested on Monday. It took a long time for me to get acess to them.” “That's fine, I just wanted to stay at home today. My wife has a doctor's appointment and I don't want to chance that I'll miss it, given how often I work.” Denise furrowed her brows in confusion. In all the years that she'd known Jordan, there was never a time where a client was actually brought to their house. This caused a red flag to plant itself in her mind. She waited for him and the lady to step into the living-room before she greeted her. Jordan who was ahead of her, stood next to Denise, put his arm around her waist and smiled up at this girl named Gina, “Hi Gina, this is my wife, Denise, Denise, this is a client of mine, Gina.” Denise stared at the girl, unable to move her lips at first, because the woman Gina in front of her drew her speachless with the way she looked and wore long red hair down past her shoulders. “Nice to meet you,” The woman spoke. “You as well.” Denise plastered on a smile as the lady shook her hand. Glancing around, Gina sprang another compliment, “Nice home.” She stated, her tone amiable. “Thank you. My wife works hard to maintain our house hold. Denise still couldn't fanthom a reason as to why he brought this woman to their home. It was so uncharacteristic of him. “Jordan, may I speak with you please.” Jordan nodded and answered, “Let me show Gina where my office is first.” Denise waited til he came back into the living-room before whispering, “I can't believe you just did that.” “What?” “That!” She hissed, gesturing toward his office. “I just wanted to make sure you made it to your appointment. This way it's easier.” Denise stared at him, unable to understand this decision but shrugged, “Alright, if you say so. I'm going to check the mail.” “Yep.” With that, Denise went outside to check the mail. After sorting through several bills and a coupon booklet from piggly wiggly, she came upon an envelope addressed to her. There was a stamp on it from the Grisham Middle School in Dover Virginia, an area a good twenty miles from home. Opening the letter, she read it:   145 S. Grisham Road Dover, Virginia 23484 May 13, 2018   Dear Mrs. Denise Williams 1250 Penn Lane Hampton, Virginia 23681   Dear Mrs. Williams, we are excited to have you join our team here at Grimsham Middle School for the beginning of the school year on August 8, 2018, we ask that you arrive at the school on August first for the New Teacher's Orientation and then again on August 7, for student orientation. We welcome you to Grisham Middle School and hope that you find your career with us rewarding. We look forward to meeting you at the New Teachers' orientation. We have also attached a school schedule for your convience. Faculty of Grisham middle school.   Denise stared at the letter, a smile on her face. She'd gotten the job. When she applied, she'd figured someone more experienced would get the teaching position at the school since she'd only taught for the first four years after obtaining her degree. Once Jordan received his first promotion and she'd found out that she was pregnant, she'd quit. She had missed it so much that around the fall of last year she'd began applying everywhere she could think of. Once such place had been Grisham Middle School. Because she'd never heard back from them, she decided to just forget the position all together, so to have received a hired letter baffled her. Not only because of being hired, but because the blessing seemed to come at the wrong time. Everything from her pregnancy, to the fact that she'd neglected to tell her husband she'd even applied, to what was going on with her daughter, signaled the wrong timing for a teaching position. Sighing, she stuffed the letter back in its envelope and then slipped it in her back pocket. Tomorrow, she'd call the school and tell them that because of her pending pregnancy, she would not accept the position. As she thought about this, she was saddened. She'd gotten her hopes up while applying, believing that someone would eventually hire her and now that it had happened, she couldn't accept the position. Inhaling sharply, she pushed back the tears that wanted to form and exhaled as she opened the screen door, leading into her home.   “Just tell her I'm busy, you know, that I can't work on the project right now.” Timothy stated, staring down at a fake chemistry test that was laying out on his bed, as he instructed Kalen on what to say to Tamarah, in an effort to not have to communicate with her. Kalen shoved the house phone at him, “Tell her yourself.” Timothy glared up at her. He didn't want to talk to Tamarah because his heart was pounding and truth be told, he was embarrassed about getting angry at her. He'd never felt that way about any girl and it was beyond him as to why he behaved in that fashion. He had dated many other attractive girls up til two years ago and never once acted the way he had with her. She seemed to get beneath his cool exterior and it wasn't pretty. Putting the phone up to his ear, he said, “Hey Tamarah.” “Are you ok?” She inquired, her tone light hearted. “Yeah, why you ask?” His heart was pounding in his ears, protesting the lie he'd just told. “You know, I just wanted to make sure because we still have to wrap up this project and I want to know when you will be available.” “We will but now is not a good time.” He stated. “Well, when is?” He sighed, glancing up at the large calendar displayed on the oak colored wall in front of him. He knew he couldn't put it off, but the longest he could was Saturday, which was perfect because it was due that Monday. “Saturday works for you?” “Saturday...but that's so close to the due date of the project. I was kind of hoping sooner.” “Saturday is the only day I'm available.” He stated, hoping God wouldn't strike him dead for lying, but the honest truth was that he had to stay away from her for as long as he could. The way she worked his system made him wary. It was becoming more and more difficult to hide the attraction he had toward her. Working this project had brought out even more qualities he hadn't known, the most recent being that she was an awesome cook. “Alright Saturday then.” She finally agreed. They sat there, the line quiet between the two. Finally, Tamarah said, “Bye Tim, I'll speak to you another time.” “Bye, Tamarah. See you Saturday.” “Yep.” Timothy waited for the line to click before he finally hung up. A lump formed in his throat and anxiety build up as he thought about the upcoming Saturday. It still wasn't far enough away. ~ ~ Tamarah hung up the line after calling Timothy and sat there pondering about how she would approach the events of the previous weekend this weekend. Timothy had been deliberately avoiding her all this week and despite her understanding of it, she didn't approve. She didn't know what it was about guys that when confronted with the truth they had a tendency to deny it and live in a state of refute. Sighing, her gaze went back to the baby growing in her stomach and she wondered if it would be a boy or a girl, if it would look like her or Tommy. She wondered even more so if Vanessa would ever forgive her. If there was one thing she never anticipated, it was that she'd loose her best friend at fifteen. She'd bend hell and high water just to get her back. She had no one she could seriously confided in. Although she really liked Timothy, he was too judgmental of her situation. She wondered why he felt the need to be critical with her. Never had she witnessed him be that way with other girls. He was more sympathetic. However to her, he wasted no time diving right in, letting her know he disapproved. She tried to comprehend, but no matter how hard she tried, the reasoning always alluded her. She could see that he liked her, but she couldn't fanthom a guy liking a girl and not being sympathetic to their needs. Was that normal? As she thought about this, her heart beat began to speed up and she felt dread. If he couldn't be sensitive toward her, then how was she supposed to show him who she really was? Although she still felt that earth shattering emotion when she looked into his eyes, the avoidance he worked hard at was embarassing enough. As her thoughts went to the surrounding events of the school suspension she'd received, she felt a tug of fear. She hadn't gone to school since last friday. Tomorrow was Thursday, the day she'd return to school which she knew she wasn't ready for. The stares, the guffaws, the disgust. No, she wasn't ready to walk through that building. As fear clouded her heart and mind, she buried her face into her pillow and cried, afraid to face tomorrow. ~ ~ Denise waited close to two thirty before she entered her husband's office, a good fifteen minutes after his one o'clock appointment, Gina Harrelson left. “Jordan, why did you bring that woman to our house?” She wasted no time honing in on her provocation. “I told you why earlier.” “It escapes my mind as to why you couldn't continue your appointment at your office and then come home in time for my appointment.” “I told you why.” “Yes, I suppose so, but guess what?” “What?” “My appointment is at three forty five and we have yet to leave.” Jordan looked down at his watch. “Damn it, Denise, why didn't you just say something?” “I thought you had things under control. I mean that is why you brought your work home with you, right?” Her words were riddled with sarcasm. Jordan stared up at her, “It is. We are a half an hour from the clinic. We can leave now.” “Can you guess how far the clinic is from your place of business?” She inquired. Jordan's gaze went up to hers, his burning bright green, with little flecks of silvery grey. “How far?” Her tone was sour as she answered, “Two blocks.” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah.” “I didn't know that.” “Funny how you'd never notice a clinic around the corner from your work place when you've been there for seven years.” She crossed her arms, glaring at him, watching the feigned innocence. “True. When you're always busy you don't have time to look around at your surroundings.” Turning away from him, Denise cleared her throat, “I'm going out to the car.” Without another word, she walked out of his office, her heart in turmoil. On the way to the clinic, Jordan tried to open conversation. “How do you think the baby is doing?” “I don't know.” “How far along are you?” “You know what Jordan, I'm really not in the mood to talk.” She stated, her gaze turned toward the window. “Ok.” He reached down to turn on the radio. She stopped him with her words, “Please don't.” She didn't say anything, just continued staring out of the window. The silence was really thick in the car and Jordan knew she was upset over earlier. He hadn't thought about what it looked like to bring his client to his home, but he'd wanted to be around her. He wanted to make sure that he didn't miss this appointment. At-least that's what he told himself, however, in the crevices of his mind, he knew his reasons were not as justifiable as they sounded and it bothered him that his wife knew. “Ok, Denise, I brought her to the house because I didn't feel comfortable having her at the office, ok.” “I don't want to talk about that, Jordan. You told me why you brought her there and I believe you.” “And I believe you're lying, I'd stake my life on it.” “This is not the time to talk about this, we have an appointment to get to.” Jordan dropped the subject, but knew he'd bring it up again later.   When they arrived at the clinic, Jordan went to her side of the door, opened it and she stepped out. As she exited the vehicle, his gaze stared down into her face, feeling the tension she had. Standing in her way, he sighed, “If it makes you feel any better Denise, I will refrain from bringing my work home. It won't happen again.” As she stared up into his face, she felt the jealousy she had melt away. The way his eyes shimmered, caused a tremble to begin on her bottom lip. She felt a deep burn begin in her heart and work it's way through her body. He didn't say anything, just stared. She continued to hold his gaze for another sixty seconds before looking away, unable to take the intensity in them. Her heart was pounding so heavy, it could have been pumping on the outside. It wasn't long before she felt his hand slide through hers, holding onto it, pulling her toward the office.           Chapter Fifteen:   Vanessa flickered her curly hair over her shoulder, glancing down at the text book she'd opened as soon as she'd gotten home from school. She'd been studying just shy of two hours when the door bell rang, telling her it was time to take a break. Closing the book, she sat it down on the arm of the recliner she'd been sitting in and made her way to the foyer. Upon opening it, she went to close it, but a foot was nudged in between to keep it from closing. “I swear, I just want to talk to you.” She pursed her lips together at her unwanted guest, staring into dark brown eyes. “I have nothing to say to you Tommy.” “Come on V, that's not cool.” Vanessa shook her head, “What's not cool is you sleeping with my best friend. What's not cool is you getting said friend pregnant. That's bull shit.” He exhaled. “I didn't get her pregnant.” She feigned a laugh, “Yeah, she just got that way miraculously, right?” “Look I don't know who got her pregnant but it wasn't me. I used protection that night.” Vanessa put her hand up to her head, suddenly feeling an ache coming at her temples. “Tommy, I don't care if it's yours or not, I don't want to talk to you, now move the hell out of the way.” She went to push the door against his foot. He nudged his body in between the door jam. “Come on baby, don't be like that.” As she stared into his eyes, her heart went soft at the pleading in them. “Be like what? Tommy, we were supposed to take that step together, not you and Tamarah.” “I know and I'm sorry.” “I bet.” “I am. It wasn't intentional girl. You know I've always held you in the highest regard.” “How poetic.” She rolled her eyes, feeling a burn began in her chest. He reached out and touched her, which for some reason didn't bring repulsion to her body. Instead it fueled the desire within her to have him. “I'm sorry girl. You know I would not hurt you. I love you. You are the one I want. The one I need.” “Of course I am Tommy. You need to move because my parents are going to be here any minute.” “I know they don't like me, but come on V...you know me. We've known each other since grade school. I've wanted you since the first moment I set eyes on you.” Vanessa swallowed, feeling the rising thump in her chest. “Tommy, I can't do this, not now.” He exhaled sharply, his mint scented breath tickling her senses. Reaching out, he grabbed her hand quickly, pulling her toward him. “It was an isolated incident. I swear up until that party Tamarah and I hadn't even done anything, you know she and I can't stand each other.” “That's what I thought.” “It's the truth. People do stupid things when they drink. I did and I'm sorry.” “I bet you are, now let go of my arm,” she stated, pulling out of his reach. “I am...Look, Tamarah meant nothing to me.” “Let go of me.” His grasp was getting tighter. “Vanessa, please...” He stated, his tone fighting to stay even. “Go, now. I don't want to talk to you.” She pulled hard to release herself, but instead of letting go, Tommy shoved himself the rest of the way in and pushed her back against the nearest wall. “Please, Vanessa...” His eyes bore into hers, burning, aching, begging. She felt trembles over take her. Not because she was afraid, but because the close proximity in which his body was to hers was really starting to frustrate her. How could a guy, even one in his situation manage to look and smell so good. Good Lord, he was fine. “Tommy, I..I can't...” Her words sounded weak, nervous. He leaned in close to her, “Vanessa, I love you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” “I...” Her voice trailed off as his head leaned closer to hers, his breath on her neck like a hot mist. She felt and heard the inhalation of breath. “Please...” She clenched her hand into tight fists, now feeling the tension that began to pool inside her own anatomy. With that one word she felt what he meant. She felt his sorrow, his pain and his agony within it. She felt his love in it. Slowly a tear slid down her cheek, then another one, and another one, til he whispered. “I swear to you I'm so sorry. I will never do that again. Just give me another chance, please.”   Swiping at her tears, Vanessa felt the weight on her heart. “You must leave now. My mom and dad will be here any minute.” Just as she spoke, the phone rang. It rang three times before the answering machine clicked on, “Hey V...we are on our way home now. See you when we get there.” The sound of her mother's voice on the answering machine sent chills down his neck. God, he hated that woman. As a reason all the more to piss her off, he continued to try and persuade her daughter. “Vanessa come on girl, you know I love you. You know I...” Just as he was about to speak, he felt a hold on the back of his neck. One so strong, he couldn't move it to see who'd grasped him. Just like that, Tommy felt his feet lifted out from under him and he was sent rolling down the grassy lawn away from the house.   After a couple of rolls, he got up and dusted himself off. “Come on Mr. Williams, I just wanted to talk to her.” Jordan's gaze was vehement upon him, his anger radiating from his body. Shaking his head, he said, “Stay away from my daughter.” With that, he turned on into the house. Tommy watched with disdain as the door closed, seemingly to shut him out. He pursed his lips in anger. Nothing would keep him from Vanessa. Not one damn thing. He felt his entire body heat up at the thought of having to back away from her. There was no way he'd let someone take what was his.   Swallowing the feelings of wrath that swelled in the base of his throat, he turned and walked way from the house, across the street to his own car. Once getting in the 2004 prius, he opened the glove compartment and twisted the cap off a bottle of pillls. Sliding one on-top his tongue, he felt it began to work it's magic by making his mouth numb. ~ ~ Tommy turned the ignition off his car, going to the house and unlocking the door. The hallway was littered with unwashed clothing, giving off a musky scent. Shuffling through the mess, he found his way to the living room, where his little brother was playing a video game. Going past him, he came to the kitchen where dishes were piled up to the ceiling, food drippings were all over the place, giving the kitchen not only an unkempt appearance but an obvious neglect factor. He already knew there was mold growing on the dishes and most likely the garbage pail.   Exhaling sharply, he went to the fridge and found nothing in there. This angered him. That bitch of a mother of his, cared more about men and drugs than she did providing for her own children. It was beyond him how the state hadn't taken his brother yet. In a month, Tommy would be turning 18 and he'd start filing for custody for his brother. He'd told his mother, the day he'd turn eighteen he was getting his own and taking his brother with him. He knew his mother received assistance from the state, plus a check for both him and his brother. Instead of her doing something to get out of this situation, she seemed to give up and just wallow in it. Inhaling sharply, he went to her bedroom off the back of the house, which wasn't too far considering the house was a little space barely 900sq feet. Knocking on her door, he was greeted with, “Stay the fuck away from my door!”   “Ma, you need to get up. It's after two and Rodney in here by his self.”   “So what, he good. Playing them damn games, now get the fuck away from my door.” Ignoring her, Tommy pushed open the door. Going to the dresser, he grabbed her wallet off top and pulled out the four twenties that were always there. The wallet made a loud Thunk, as it hit the dresser top after a throw. Sighing, he closed the bedroom door, went back to the living room, approaching his little brother. “Let's go eat.” He stated, cutting the tv off. Rodney threw down the remote and ran for the door, no questions asked. ~ ~ Adrian Matthews drew in a deep breath as Tommy whitaker approached her counter, his little brother in tow.   “You can't leave him here.” She stated, knowing his intention.   “Come on Adrian, I can't leave him at the house either, you know how mom is.” Adrian shook her head, “Your mom. Not mine.”   Tommy shrugged his shoulders, agitation already creeping up his spine. “By birth only. Look, just watch him for a couple of hours. I got some business to take care of.”   “Bull shit, you probably going to smoke.” Tommy gritted his teeth together. He always had to combat suspicious thoughts that he smoked. He didn't smoke. “I'll be back, alright?” Without waiting for another word, he ran out of the dinner and got in his car, heading toward the freeway. ~ ~ “One pill? You want thirty bucks for one pill?”   “High demand, my brotha.”   “so this is that good?”   “high demand.” The dealer stated, his hand extended to the young man. Tommy sighed, pulling his money out. He really needed this, especially after all of what had been going on with Tamarah being pregnant and Vanessa acting like she didn't want him. He snorted at that thought. Even he had a hard time believing that possible. Although he could have had any girl he chose, there was something about her that drove him to the brink of sanity and back. The problem was, there was too much she possessed that he wanted, needed, craved and too much to let slip down the drain. Especially not over a small mishap. Oh well, Tamarah was pregnant. That wasn't his fault. He didn't find that surprising considering how she networked. All she ever did was flirt. Anything that walked by her was fair game. Any guy. If it meant she would get her way, there would be some slight flirtation. Shaking his head, he dismissed thoughts, of the bitch and continued his conversation with the dealer. “I got sixty.” The dealer handed him a pre packaged product. As Tommy glanced down at the two small pills, he handed the guy the money he had. This would get him by for the day. Just as the money exchanged, he was surprised to hear “everybody freeze.” Unable to move, he stood where he was as the man in front of him pulled out a shield. “Dammit.” He mumbled under his breath. Although it was his first time being caught, he was determined not to show his fear. As the cops handcuffed him and put him in the back of their truck, he began thinking of a way out of this. ~ ~   “Mom I swear I didn't tell him to come here.” “Ofcourse you didn't hun, and I am going up to my room.”   Cutting her eyes at Jordan, Denise stated, “You take care of this.”   Jordan shrugged his shoulders, looking at Vanessa. “So I take it he just busted through that door?”   “Yeah.” Vanessa stated.   “He also shoved you up against the wall in one of the most provocative positions imaginable?”   “Yeah, that's exactly what happened.” Vanessa stated, nodding her head.   “Jordan I'll be down around dinner time.” Denise stated, her tone hard as she went to their bedroom.   “Dammit mom, why don't you believe me?” Vanessa inquired. “Ya'll both know how I get when I'm pissed off. I don't want that idiot.” Her emotions burst through that one comment as tears welled up in her eyes. Jordan watched, his heart shattering into a million pieces as his daughter's green eyes filled to the brim and she began to cry. His body stiffened as he felt anger, agitation and pain slither through his body at once. The tears that slid down her cheeks wracked her body so hard, she sunk down to the floor, her heart inconsolable.   “Vanessa, baby...Come on..” He stated going to her, pulling her up into his arms. She cried on his shoulder as she had when she was a child. “Why, daddy? Why did this have to happen to me? Why did he have to go and sleep with my best friend? Why?”   Offering comfort, Jordan pulled her around to face him and held her as she bawled her eyes out. He wished he could remove the pain and suffering that was there. Chapter Sixteen   "God at times bring trials our way to draw us close to him. He allows things to happen so that we may acknowledge and know who he is, so that we may acknowledge our sins and ask for forgiveness..."   Kalen flickered her tape recorder, wrote the words, trials, draw, acknowledge and forgiveness in her notebook, before pressing play again.    "He at times allow trials to come our way to test our love for him, just as he allowed King David to suffer through the hands of King Saul, and Job to suffer through loosing his family, health and material possessions, God allows us to suffer through various trials so that we may endure to the finish. Just as Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins as the ultimate test of his loyalty, obedience and desire to please our heavenly father..."   The sound of the pastor faded as Kalen's head phones flew out of her ear and her cd player hit the floor. "Oops, my bad." Her former bestfriend was looking down at her, her eyes hot with anger.   Kalen stood up and faced Clarissa, "Really Clarissa? Dang!" She pushed passed her to grab her cd player. Clarissa pushed the device away from her, knocking it into a corner. "My bad Kalen."    Kalen wrapped her arms around each other. "What is your deal?"    "You. I can't stand you."   "As I recall, you used to be my bestfriend."    "Due to bad taste." She stated, her tone sour. Her face filled with anger.   "If that's the case, why do you mess with me so much? I've done nothing but be nice to you." "Spitting that Jesus crap. Sure nice I suppose." "It's true. You do need to be saved, Clarissa." "Hmmm." With that, Clarissa pulled her bag up on her shoulder. Her gaze going beyond Kalen. "What ever. I'll deal with you later." She then rushed past Kalen, toward the chem building. Kalen rolled her eyes.   That girl made her mad so much at times she could beat the mess out of her and if Kalen had been the same angry child she'd been years earlier, she'd beaten her to a pulp by now. Putting her note book in her bag, she turned to make her way to the field yard, where the new gym had been made. She had gym now. As she did so, she was surprised to see Vanessa Williams walking her way. As she reached the thresh hold of where Kalen stood, Kalen smiled.   "Hi Vanessa." Vanessa looked as if she was ready to punch somebody's face in. "Hi Kalen, was Clarissa bothering you?"   Kalen shrugged, "Why?"   "Because I have been waiting to get ahold of that girl again and right now, with the way I'm feeling, it's as good a time as any." Vanessa rolled up her sleeves. Grasping her bag tightly around her hands.   "Girl, Clarissa's not worth it. Are you the reason she took off?"   "Oh she did?"   "Yeah."   "I should beat her ass just for running then."   "Why do you always want to fight, Vanessa?"   "I haven't faught that much this year."   "Vanessa, I've heard about the fights you have had with girls."   "Well, I haven't had one campus fight nor have I gotten suspended for anything."   "I think that's more so your mother's doing."   Vanessa shrugged her shoulders, "How do you know my mother? Miss bible toting teen."   Kalen smiled, "I pay attention to what goes on here."   "So I suppose you've heard what's happened between Tamarah and I right?"   "It's school, everybody knows."   "She's such a bitch for that." Vanessa stated, her tone heavy.   "I suppose you want to beat her up too, or have you?"   Vanessa shrugged, "Can't beat a pregnant girl, that's just crazy. I'm going to wait till she have the baby."   "How nice of you to wait til the baby comes out." Kalen replied sarcastically.   Vanessa gave a soft laugh, "It's very thoughtful right?"   Kalen laughed, "Seriously though, Vanessa, perhaps you should find something else to do with your anger."   "I'm not going to church Kalen, you may as well forget that."   "All I'm saying is that a girl your age with two parents who love you and who have treated you like gold, deserves more than just to be known as the girl everyone else is scared of."   "Not everybody is scared of me Kalen. None of my friends are."   "Yes they are, that's why they didn't tell you about what happened at the party." Vanessa narrowed her brows, "What do you know about that party?"   Kalen shrugged, "Relax girl, I didn't go, but my brother went." Kalen slapped her hand over her mouth. Dang it, why did things find there way out of her mouth all the time.   Vanessa put a hand on her hip, dipping her head to the left, "Timothy Rawsin went to that party?"   "Well, I mean, he wasn't there partying or anything..." She smacked her head with her right hand.   Vanessa put her hand on her waist, "If not then why..." Her voice trailed off. Her eyes grew big, going back up to Kalen. A smile went across her face, "He has the hots for Tamarah doesn't he?"   Kalen licked her lips. "Look, nobody is supposed to know that. He has faught really hard to keep that bit of information to himself."   "Why? Tamarah's crazy about that boy. I'm sure he's noticed how she always trying to talk to him."   Kalen shrugged, "He's looking for a wife, not a girl friend."   "Who the hell looks for a wife in high school?" Vanessa inquired.   "He is a Christian Vanessa, it's not like he just bangs anything walking."   Vanessa crossed her arms over each other, "Well, I guess, but um I don't think Tamarah is the marrying type, I mean being fifteen and all."   Kalen laughed, "I know and so does he. That's why he won't even attempt to talk to her. That and she's not saved. Tim is a junior in high school anyway. I'm sure that crush will go away."   Vanessa sighed, "Well, I gotta go, the bell's going to rang." Just as she spoke, the bell rang.   "See you later, Vanessa and remember, "Tell no one what I told you."   Vanessa rolled her eyes. she doubt anyone would care what was going on with Timothy right now, especially in the middle of Tamarah's treachery.     ~                                                                                                                                                ~     "Tamarah, pull your damn self together and get out of this car."   Tamarah glanced over at her mom, her heart pounding, head throbbing and irritation in her voice, "Thanks for the pep talk mom."   "You did this to yourself. Nobody told you to go and sleep with your best friend's boyfriend and frankly, I thought you had better taste than that in boys. He has no class what so ever. A walking thug."   Tamarah sighed, "Tommy's not a thug mom. He's a jerk, there's a difference."   "Well, I'm still not sure why you'd sleep with that boy."   "You know what mom, thanks for the ride. I'll see you after school." Tamarah stated, getting ready to open the passenger door.    "I have to work today, so I won't be able to pick you up." Her mother stated, her dark brown eyes, staring into the mirror attached to the visor. Angela Gray was equally as beautiful as her daughter, with the same dark brown skin, long silky hair and full lips that stayed groomed in lipstick. Her beauty was stunning. Her coldness was equally as stunning.   "You know what mom, maybe if you were at home once in a while I wouldn't have to always go seek attention else where."    Angela smacked her lips together, "Puhlease, Tamarah, grow up. You are fifteen years old, well able to take care of your self, and don't give me that mommy neglect me spill. It played out at twelve."   Tamarah stared at her mother, her eyes hot with anger, "Whatever. I'm gone. I'll have someone drop me off at home."   Tamarah got out of the car and slammed her door shut. Her mom didn't speak, just drove off. God she couldn't stand that woman. How was it that no matter what she said, Tamarah was never right. Her mother was always right.    ~                                                                                                                                            ~   Tamarah flickered her long dark hair over her shoulder as she made her way to the front of the building, where a click of girls were sitting with their bodies facing outward, glancing- more like glaring at her. "What the hell are you looking at?" One girl barked at her.   "Once a ho, always a ho Brooke. Looking at you is one thing, but beware when she starts looking at your man. Vivian Tucker stated, her gaze both disdainful and cold. The girl called Brooke laughed, her fair cheeks reddening a little. Tamarah rolled her eyes, "I don't have time for this." Another girl, stepped in front of her. Her arms folded, showing a lack of respect for Tamarah in her eyes.   "Yes you do, ho. So tell us, did you suck his dick too?" The other girls were first silent but then broke out into loud laughter.   Tamarah, unable to hold in her anger, lashed out at the girl and landed a smack! against her face, whipping the young girl's head around. Her heart was pounding, eyes wide and the adrenaline she felt caused Tamarah to shake, loosing more control over herself.   "Damn Viv, she hit you good." The girl Brooke stated, coming up to her. Vivien Tucker's mocha colored skin flushed as she pulled up her sleeves. "Vanessa didn't deserve what you did to her Tamarah. You were supposed to be her friend. With friends like you, who needs enemies." Before Tamarah could respond, she was cast out with spit in her face. It was then her hands began to twitch and just as she reached up to give her the choke of a life time, she heard a voice say, "He that is without sin cast the first stone."   Another voice from the group of girls groaned and she said, "I can't hear this, I'm going to class. See ya'll later. The girl with her followed behind her. Brooke and Vivien stayed put. Tamarah stared at her with a new found hatred.   "You don't know what you're talking about." Her rescuerer had now chosen to make his presence known, standing in front of her. "This don't have anything to do with you Timothy, so mind your own business."   He exhaled, "Neither does it have anything to do with you. So leave her alone."   "Well, I'm making it my business. Somebody has to. I'm surprised Vanessa hasn't whipped her ass by now."   "That doesn't have anything to do with you. Vanessa knows she can talk to Tamarah any time she need to."   Brooke laughed, "So, what Timothy, you and Tamarah got something going on?" Her sky blue eyes were wide, her lips twitching a smile.   "None of your business, just leave her alone. Ya'll not any better than her."   "Yeah, well, we didn't sleep with our best friend's guy now did we?"   "Maybe not but ya'll are no better. Besides Jesus would call both of ya'll fake christians, right? Ya'll are Holy at church but it's different at school. I'm sure your moms would love to know what you both just said to her." With that, Vivien's cheeks turned so red, she said, "What ever, I'll see you another time Tamarah."   Tamarah flipped her off.  Brooke tossed her hair at the two as if dismissing them and she walked away. Vivien's eyes stayed on Tamarah until she finally turned and went in the same direction as Brooke.    Once they left, Timothy turned to her, "You should watch out for that girl."   "I know. Even pregnant, I still can whip her ass."    Timothy nodded, "I believe you."    Tamarah sighed, "Thanks."    Timothy nodded, "Well, I'll see you later."   As he started to walk away, Tamarah stopped him with a call of his name. He turned back to her.    "Why'd you step in there?"   "No one deserves to be talked to like that."   "No? You sure it doesn't have anything to do with this weekend?"   He gave a soft smile. "I had my reasons for behaving the way I did this weekend."   "Yeah?"   "It wasn't to shame you."   "No?"   "No. I did it because I care about you. They just want to hate you for what you did."   "What I did was wrong."   "Yeah, so. It doesn't give them the right to say stuff like that. If their parents heard them, they'd both be in trouble."   "Fake ass Christians."    Timothy felt the corners of his mouth tilt in a smile.   Tamarah narrowed her eyes, "Is that a smile?"    Timothy's eyes twinkled as he stared at her.    "Can we be friends?" Tamarah inquired, her gaze serious.   "I thought we were?"    "Let's make it official."    "Official?" He laughed at this.   "Yeah."    Shaking his head, he said, "Well you take care Tamarah, I'll see you later."   "Yep."   With that, he went on to class.  ~                                                                                                                                           ~   Tamarah had gone through first, second, third and fourth periods without any incidents like the one earlier that morning. It was during her fifth hour that the teacher pulled her aside and told her that Mrs. Dephne the school counselor wanted to see her.    When she went to the counselor, Mrs. Dephne took out several snacks and offered her one. "How are you doing today Tamarah?"    "Fine. Why?"    "Have a seat please."    Tamarah took the seat facing Mrs. Dephne desk. "How's everything going for you?"   "Fine, why?"   "Just curious. Have you told your mom the news yet?"   Tamarah sighed, pulling a pretzel out of the bag she'd sat in front of her.   "Why do psych doctors always want to know everything?"   "We just want to help."   "Help with what? All ya'll seem to do is get in mine and everybody else's business."   "Talking does help you know."   "That's what friends are for."   "We could be friends." Mrs. Dephne's tone was too eager sounding. Tamarah gaffawed at this. "So what you think you're talking to a seven year old? Don't be fooled, I'm not a kid."    "What did your mom say when you told her about the pregnancy?"   "Nothing."   "Nothing?"   "Not a thing. She rushed out the house, went to work and I was left alone til she got off. Nothing unusual about that."   "I saw her drop you off this morning."   Tamarah rolled her eyes, sighing, "Talk about hawk eyes."   "The parking lot is not far from my window, I can see and hear everything that goes on."   "Great, now I don't have to talk about the convo." Tamarah glanced down at her watch a quarter to one.    "The bell's going to ring in a few minutes to end class, can I go now?"   "I'll give you a pass to class. Let's continue talking."   "What else you want to know?"   "I want to know what your mom thinks about your pregnancy?"   "Nothing. She doesn't care one way or another. She just works. I told her that she was the reason why I was pregnant, she said I'm too old for the guilt trip."   "Really?"   "Yeah. Can I go now?" Tamarah was clenching at her back pack.   The counselor sighed, "See you Wednesday."   "Yeah, alright, bye." With that, she got up and left the office without looking back.    ~                                                                                                             ~   "I don't caare, you can do what ever you want, call my parents. I'm not going to see the counselor."   "Vanessa, we are concerned about you, that's all. We know that this incident hasn't been easy to go through."   Vanessa sighed, her gaze going down to her shoes. She didn't respond to that statement.    "At least let her know that you are ok to be on campus." The assistant principal Mrs. Warner stated. Vanessa didn't respond. She just sat quietly with her head down.   "Alright then, you leave me no choice but to contact your parents." Mrs. Warner and Mrs. Dephne was standing there, their shoulders squared, trying to convince her it would be in her best interest to talk to Mrs. Dephne, but it had been an hour and she still refused to talk to Mrs. Dephne.   Vanessa listened as they first called her mother, when she didn't answer they called her father. He didn't answer either.    "Are they the only two we have contact numbers for?"   "Victoria Paneleki is the next contact on the list."   "Call her then. Keep going down the list til you find someone who will answer." Mrs. Dephne stated. Vanessa sighed and rolled her eyes. She hoped her aunt Victoria was home, that way she could come and get her. Maybe get her away from school for the day. Although Victoria lived in New York, she frequented the area for different fashion shows and clients who requested house calls.    ~                                                                                                                              ~   Victoria flipped the lady off that was in line in front of her as her Lexus rolled past the lady's 2016 Prius. The lady was not paying attention as she made her way further down the highway. Vanessa on the other hand was set to get off at the next ramp for Hampton, when her phone rang. Immediately, the piece in her ear clicked and she spoke, "Victoria Paneleki speaking, how may I help you?"   "Hello, this is Helen Warner and I'm calling in regards to your neice Vanessa Williams..." She didn't complete the sentence before Victoria said, "I'm right around the corner, I'll be there in a minute." With out waiting for a comment, she told her phone to end the call.   When Victoria arrived at the school, Vanessa was in the principal's office sitting there with her head in her lap. The click clack of Victoria's heels and the smell of her Halle Berry perfume made Vanessa look up. Victoria's brown eyes held a smile for her favorite neice. "Hey, what's going on?" She asked, heading toward her. Vanessa stood up, her dark wavy hair a little messy. The lip gloss she wore softened her look and made her look more her age, while the beige blouse and blue jeans accentuated a beautiful curvaceous shape. "Hey auntie." Victoria smiled as she wrapped her arms around her neice, "How's it going lovely?"   "They're trying to make me go to counseling and I told them no."   Victoria's brows furrowed,confused "Counseling? Why?"   "We have reason to believe that your neice may not be dealing with the situation appropriately."   Victoria glanced over at the lady who'd spoken. A lady who's complexion mirrored her own, "What are you talking about?" Her brown eyes were bright as she spoke, full of concern.   "There was an incident that took place the other day and we are concerned that your neice may not be coping with it well."    "What incident?"   "That we can't disclose to you."    "You brought me all the way up here for an incident you can't disclose to me? Lady, I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I'm not a fool. If you have a reason for me to be here you better darn well tell it because if not I'll take her out of this place and you won't stop me."   "Ma'am we can talk about the situation if Vanessa allows it."   "What's going on?" Victoria glanced down at her neice, see for the first time in a long time a glazed over look in her eyes.    "Tommy got Tamarah pregnant. They want me to take counseling for it and I told them no."   "We are required by law to do all that is within our power to help out our pupils, especially pupils we know are prone to violence."    Vanessa's eyes went to them, flashing hot fires of green. Before she could say anything Victoria spoke, "Violent? Did you get her parents permission before engaging in this type of discussion?"   "We have a right to according to the law...."    "To intervene when it is necessary or there are any indications of violence, but you don't have a right to make her take counseling without the consent of her parents. If her parents didn't give you permission to psychoanalyse,..."   "That's not what we're trying to do..." The counselor interjected, "We just want to make sure she's alright."   "Did she tell you she was alright?"   "Yes."   "Has she done anything since this alleged incident to suggest she is incapable of handling the situation?"   "Well...no...but..."   "Well no questioning without her parents consent." Victoria stated, her arm around Vanessa protectively as she spoke to the two women. "However, I would like to take her out of school..."   "But there's still an hour left."    "It doesn't matter. We are leaving. I'll call her mom and let her know."   "Well..." The principal shut down and just turned to go in her office. Mean while, the Therapist stood there looking at Victoria, understanding where Vanessa got her rudeness from. Since she was on the list of contacts, it was nothing they could do to prevent her from taking Vanessa.     ~                                                                                                                   ~   "Why couldn't you be my mom?" Vanessa inquired as she stepped into Victoria's vehicle. The gray vehicle was spotless on the inside.    "I couldn't put up with your dad for one minute, let a lone fifteen years, Vanessa."   "I know but you are so much more fun than mom."   Victoria laughed, "Don't hold it against her, she was born that way."   "She sucks the fun out of everything. She's a fun sucker." Vanessa stated.   "She loves you Vanessa, you should be happy about that."   "She is weird, ok. I've never met a person so dry before, you know?"   Victoria pulled the vehicle over to the shoulder of the road, "Look, if you are going to kick it with me today, you can't talk about your mom like that. She's not a bad woman and she would give her life for one of you kids. If she had to take a bullet, she'd eat the hell out of it. Not to mention how much she's given just to stay home with you." Vanessa shrugged, "She's still dry."   "A mother's purpose is to be dry. A mother isn't supposed to be bestfriends with her daughter. Then she'd be irresponsible. When you get grown your relationship with your mother will evolve into respect, mutual respect. Right now she's the dryest of dryest."    Vanessa laughed, "Dryest of dry? Funny. It's her fault Tommy got Tamarah pregnant."   Victoria's brows lifted, "What?"   "Mom said I couldn't go to the party and because of that, they ended up sleeping together. It was supposed to be me and him at that party, not Tamarah."   "So instead of her being pregnant it would have been you?"    "No, I would have used condoms."    Victoria felt her stomach get nauseas. "Condoms...V, girl, you are too damn young for sex."   Vanessa folded her arms, "I think I could handle it."   "Oh really?"   "Yeah, I mean, I wasn't going to do it with just anybody, only Tommy."   Victoria glanced at her neice, "What are you talking about?"   "I had plannned to be with him that night, ok, but mom...she..." Tears welled up in Vanessa's eyes and she began to cry again. She'd never cried so much in her life.    "Vanessa love..." Victoria sighed and ran her hand over her neice's hair, "Your mom spared you hun."   "No she didn't. I became the laughing stock of the school. Not just that but everybody feels sorry for me and...Tommy..."   "Tommy what?"   "I hate him. I hate him for what he did. Just because she's skinny and pretty and have long..."   "Wait a minute...wait a minute...How did he and Tamarah end up sleeping together?"   "The party...that night..." Vanessa sniffled, tears heavily running down her eye lids..."They went to the party, ate gello shots and slept together, that's how."   "So they got drunk?"    "Yeah, I mean, I don't even know what a jello shot is but they slept together after eating it.."   "Jello shots is when you mix alcahol, water and gello together and let it chill in the fridge til solid."   "Oh."   "So they slept together after gello shots?"    "Yeah."   "So then what happened wasn't intentionally?"   "I don't care, it was done." Vanessa bit her lip, trying to push back the tide of anger that wanted to errupt.   "Vanessa, you and Tamarah have been best friends since what..second grade or something?"   "Yeah, so."   "So you know her better than anyone else. Would she ever sleep with your guy intentionally? Would she have done it sober?"   Vanessa crossed her arms. "That doesn't matter. She did it and that's wrong."   "Were you in love with this guy Vanessa?"   "What?"   "Were you in love with him? Can't eat, can't breathe, can't sleep? You know that weird love your parents have."   Vanessa squinched her brows disgusted, "That will never happen to me, that's gross."   Victoria sighed, "Then how can you say you were ready for sex if it's not that kind of love? What made you want to have sex with him?"   Vanessa smiled, "Have you seen him Auntie, he's fine."   Victoria hid the smirk that tried to come to her face. "So why are you upset with that? He's not the finest guy in town and to top it all off you don't even love him, you probably get all these stupid feelings when he touches you, but that's it. How often do you think about him?"   "Since what happened, I can't stop thinking about him."   "But it's not because you are miserable without him?"    "I could actually shoot him right between the eyes for what he did."    Victoria sighed, "Wow, you are violent. How can you say those things and be as upset as you are? You mad because she got him before you could?"    Vanessa cheeks flushed and a deep red developed within them. Victoroia laughed, "Oh, my God. Vanessa, you are a fast bugger. I'm gonna tell your parents they created a seriously sexually repressed young lady."   "Aunt Vanessa, come on, why you gotta say it like that?"   "Cause it's true. I need to have a talk with De-De."   "Look, I can't help feeling like that. I wish it would go away but it won't. I just can't help but feel angry."   "When it's your time, I'm sure it will happen and when it does, you'll be happy that you didn't give it up to Tommy no matter how fine he is. By then, it'll be was."   "Look, Auntie, please don't tell mom about this talk ok. She'd kill me if she knew."   "The only way this convo won't get out is if you promise me that you won't have sex until you're over eighteen."    Vanessa's eyes widened, "What?"    "Yep, that's the deal, no nookie til you are at least eighteen."   Vanessa's mouth dropped open, "So I can't see what it feels like?"    "No. Not until your eighteenth birthday." Victoria held out her pinky finger to her, "Pinky promise. I'm serious. I promise you if I hear about you thinking about that again, this whole conversation is going to your parents and you know your mom will kill you, if your dad don't do it first."   "Dad would never kill me, I'm his angel."   Victoria laughed, "That's what you think. Talk to him about sex and he'll bury you right where you stand."   "They had sex at seventeen."   "Older than fourteen and I'm not even going to drudge that up. They are together and married, now so what they did as teenagers is none of your concern."   "Come on Aunt Vicki, what if I waited til seventeen?"   "Eighteen."   "Three and a half years."   "You'll be turning fifteen this year, half down, three to go. Now pinky promise."   Vanessa could feel her body burning as she wrapped her pinky finger around her aunt's. "I don't like you."    Victoria placed a kiss on her forehead and smiled, "It's for the best." As they sealed this deal, Victoria had no worries. Vanessa was more like her mother than she knew. One of the things she'd gotten from her was her reluctance to break promises. It would be difficult for her to break this one, especially when it was with her Aunt. Victoria had a persuasion with her that her mother didn't. As they finished up the conversation, her phone rang.    "What are you doing with my daughter?" Her sister inquired.   "Cranky much? I got called to the school."   A sigh was heard as Densie's sleepiness was heard in her tone. "Why? I'm home."   "Yeah you are and you didn't answer. You nor Jordan, so I was called."   "Well, what happened?"   "I'll tell you when I bring her home."   Another yawn was heard, "You can bring her home. I..." Her voice trailed off.   "I'll keep her for a few hours sleeping beauty. Take care of my nephew or neice."   Nothing except snoring was heard on the other line. Victoria cut off the line and started the car. "Ok, Vanessa, where would you like to go?"   "Shopping."   Victoria laughed, "Shop aholic, you probably got more clothes than your mama."   Chapter Seventeen  Denise stopped by Tamarah's house after the young lady had gotten out of school for the day to check up on her. "Hi Mrs Williams.how are you?" She greeted politely although her voice wasn't resonating a smile. "Hi Tamarah I just wanted to see how you are." "I'm as fine as I can be considering the circumstances."  "How is Angela?" Denise inquired. "Doing what she does best. Working." Denise sighed. Oh. Does she know about the baby?" Tamarah shrugged, " Would you like to come in?"  "If that's alright with you." Denise smiled as she entered the home. " I've always admired your mother's taste. She stated while going to sit on the plush sofa facing the large flat-screen on the wall. Tamarah gave her a small smile. "I would trade all of this for a mother who was home sometime. It's like she is here in name only."    "How often are you here alone?"   Tamarah sighed, " Too often. I wish there was someone I could talk to, go some place where I matter."    " Tamarah, you have so much in your life to be grateful for."   "Sure I suppose. I told my mom I was pregnant and she really didn't want to hear it."   "That sucks. I just wanted you to know that if youu need anything or anyone to talk to, I'm here and willing to communicate."   Tamarah gave a small smile, "Even after you know your daughter's boyfriend is the one who got me pregnant?"   Denise cleared her throat. "To be honest, Tamarah, we told Vanessa that boy wasn't any good. He was a slacker, always putting everything on her. I also think he watched her alot more than she knew."   Tamarah furrowed her brows, "Tommy? No, he's more concerned with what it looks like to others and himself than he is with her. He's a very shallow guy."   "Covetous, yes, shallow, no."   "Covetous? How's that when they were dating."   "I bet he got jealous when ever any guy came up to talk to her, didn't he?"   "Vanessa's never had guys approaching her."   "you don't think he had anything to do with that?"   Tamarah shook her head, "I don't know."   "Trust me, I was a teenager once, and I had a boyfriend that terrorized the whole school."   "I thought Mr. Williams was the only man you'd ever been with?"   Denise smiled, "In many ways yes, but he wasn't my first boyfriend. I dated a guy that was abusive and Tommy exhue the same characteristics he did."   Tamarah laughed, "Trust me Mrs. Williams, Tommy would never hit Vanessa. He's not mean in that way. He may beat up some other guy over her, but he'd never lay a finger on her, she's like his golden egg, you know. Lovely to look at, but never to touch."   "He's still not good for her."   Tamarah sighed, "Yeah, I can picture him stalking her, maybe begging her to be with him but not physically assaulting her. He adores her very much. In many ways similar to the way Mr. Williams adore you."   Denise shook her head no. "My husband would never sleep with my bestfriend, or get her pregnant. Matter of fact, he wouldn't dare look at another woman the way he does me."   Tamarah furrowed her brows, "You sure about that?"   Denise smiled, unflinching, "Yes, Jordan loves me way too much for that. He's not like that."   "...That must be nice." Tamarah sighed, wistfully. Just then, the door opened and Angela Grey entered the house.    "Hi Tamarah." Her mother greeted.    "Hi mom.Mrs..." Tamarah started, but her mother, interrupted her as she hung her purse on the coat rack near the front door. "You and I need to talk. We need to discuss the little doopsie you got yourself into."    "Mom, Mrs...."   "i know you aren't going to like what I have to say, but it's crucial that you look at your future." Angela continued, taking off her purple pumps and placing them in the small cubicle area next to the kitchen, where she kept her most recent shoes. That night, she'd take them upstairs as usual and place them in her closet.    "Mom, please..." Tamarah started again. However, Mrs. Grey was not trying to listen, she kept on with her spill. "Tamarah you have your whole life ahead of you..."   "Mrs. Grey, I believe your daughter is trying to let you know that you have a visitor." Denise stated, her voice strong and loud. Angela turned from her position near the fridge, where she'd been about to open it and looked over at Mrs. Williams, who stared back at her, her long hair pulled into a pony tail, her dark skin flawless and free of makeup.   Her eyes were dark and irritated as she glanced up at Angela. Angela's face broke out into a smile, "Mrs. Williams. Oh, my I didn't realize that you were here." As she walked up to her Angela thought she could stand to use a little lipstick and hairstyle to help with her appearance.   She couldn't believe she'd stepped out the house the way she had, dressed in a pair of cooloxs short and matching shirt. It was such an out dated fashion.   Angela sighed, "Hello, Mrs. Williams, I didn't see you there. What do we owe this visit too?"    "I just came over to give Tamarah some encouragement. Considering her predicament." Denise stated.   "Encouragement? How can you encourage a teenage pregnancy Mrs. Williams? If she were your daughter, would you be so studious regarding something conceived so foolhardy?"    Denise raised a brow. "Angela, I'm sure that you were a teenager before. You know this is a period of learning and growth. Tamarah had not been thinking clearly. Teenagers make mistakes."   Angela's head tiled upward, as she crossed her arms over one another and her gaze condescending to Tamarah. "As a teenager, I would never have engaged in the behaviors that she'd involved herself in. Getting drunk at parties and sleeping around. I had better sense than that."    Tamarah's lips trembled as she struggled to keep the tears from falling down her face.    Denise's anger got the best of her and she found herself booming her next response, "How dare you talk to your daughter like that. She needs your help, not your criticism. She's only fourteen and she's pregnant with your grand child."   "This is not my grand child. Tamarah's not having a baby. Not until she's older."   "What?" Denise inquired, "That's such a shallow thing to say."   Angela went to Tamarah, "I booked you an appointment at the Marshall Hall Clinic, for tomorrow. We are going in there together."   "Mom..."   "Tamarah...."   "Look, I really..." Tamarah paused. Not sure what she was trying to say. Feeling a headache come on, she covered her face with her hand. "I..I...I gotta go." With that, she grabbed her purse and walked toward the front door.    "Tamarah, where are you going?"   "I need to think. I'll be back a little later." She stated, opening the front door, making her exit.   As the door closed, Denise turned back to Angela. "Look, Angela, do you think it's necessary to take Tamarah to a clinic?"   "Yes, I do. There's no way, I'm going to let her become a mother at fourteen, nor am I becoming a grand parent. It's absolutely absurd."  "Angela,  Don't you think you're being a little hasty?"   Angela cleared her throat, "Denise. I appreciate your concerns, but the decision is final. I've made up my mind."   Denise sighed, glancing up at Angela, "You should show Tamarah some type of care. Support."   Angela who was becoming overly irritated being challenged sucked in a deep breath. Going to the front door, she opened it. "Thank you Mrs. Williams for your visit."   Denise licked her lips. Picking her purse up, with the car keys attached to a zipper pocket,  she sighed, " Please Angie from one mother to another, perhaps you should think more of the situation before deciding it's out come."   Angela cleared her throat. " Denise I know that we have known each other for years, but you have no say over what's best for my child."    Denise sighed and nodded her head. " You're right." Without saying another word she walked out the door and down the hall.            Chapter Eighteen  Vanessa POV:     Great things come to those who wait!   I rolled my eyes at this lame fortune cookie, threw the paper in the trash and slipped my fork into the pork dumplings on my plate. Tonight was Chinese night at aunt Vicki's house. It seemed that having left school early had it's perks. One was that my mother allowed me to stay at Aunt Vicki's for the night because she'd had another Dr. Appointment. It seemed like being pregnant meant you had to stay at the doctor's office more than you stayed at home. Children would be added to my do not list. "Vanessa are you enjoying your meal?"   Aunt Vicki inquired as we sat at the dinner table eating our food. I sighed, "Yes, it's delicious, except the lame fortune cookie."   Aunt Vicki laughed, "I hear you on that one. I don't know why The Fang insist on americanizing their products. It's kind of like a defiant of culture."   I sighed with a smile,  "Not necessarily, remember the Choos are third generation americans so it's understandable how they would adapt certain cultural habits."   Aunt Vicki laughed, "I suppose so, but that's not what I want to talk about right now."   "No?" I inquired.   She shook her head no, her beautiful eyes staring back at me. "What I want to talk about is, your mother."   I wrinkled my nose, partially confused, "Why?"   "She's pregnant."   I raised a brow and nodded my head in agreement. "Yeah."   "I want to know how you feel about that."   I furrowed my brows, "Didn't you tell me if I couldn't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?"   She nodded, "Yes, but this grass hopper, is the exception to the rule."   I laughed at this, shaking my head. "Well, I for one thinks it sucks."   "Why's that?"   "Because it just does, ok. It's disgusting."  I pouted, crossing my hands over eachother, sitting them on my lap."   "Why's that?"   "Because it just is. They are way too old to be having kids. Me and Craig are a decade older than the one their having, that's retarded. Who decides to have a child when your oldest is three years from her high school graduation date?"   "They're married Vanessa. A baby can be produced at any time."   "Yeah, but at the wrong time? Seriously? It's embarrassing to think that my mom and my ex bestfriend will be having a baby at the same time. Do you know how-excuse my french-fucked up that is?"   My aunt shook her head, "Hon, you are way too old to be thinking in such a childish way."   I flickered my gaze to her, "Childish? How am I being childish?"   "While I can understand the confusion you have regarding your mother and friend both being pregnant at the same time, however, to expect that you and your brother be the only two children they have, is blatantly childish."   "It's not the fact that we'd be the only two but why wait til we are so much older. I mean Craig will be eleven this year, going to the sixth grade. Why have a baby now? No one will be there with it. I know I won't. I'll be fifteen this year."   Vicki sighed, "How do you know God hasn't planned things this way?"   I folded my arms in defiance. "How do you know that he has?"   "Because if he hadn't, it wouldn't be so."   I cleared my throat, "I'd expect this from Kalen or Timothy, but not a woman who's never stepped foot inside a church."       "You don't have to go to church to believe in God. The world itself is proof of his existence."   "If you say so auntie. I still think they could have had this baby way before now. I mean why wait til we are old enough to leave?" Aunt Vicki licked her lips. "Maybe this one wasn't planned on their end." I shrugged, "maybe." As I thought of this my mind went to my former best friend. I hope her baby die. I wish she had a miscarriage or abortion or what ever because she didn't deserve a baby.  Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair. God, I hated her so much.    "It's not the end of the world Vanessa."    I shrugged my shoulders again. It sure felt like it.   Chapter Nineteen    Timothy tried to keep his mind on the bible study lesson he was preparing for youth night but couldn't concentrate on the subject he'd begun because his heart was on Tamarah. He couldn't keep her out of it.  Sighing, he closed the book and grabbed a bottle of water in the mini fridge next to his wall and made his way to the front door. " Dinner is at seven.", his mother stated while chopping vegetables on a chopping board. Timothy nodded his head in understanding as he pulled open the kitchen door to walk through it.  --------------   Tamarah crossed the yard to his house, reached toward the door to knock but paused. He probably was too busy to talk. Sighing she pulled her hand back to turn away but the door opened and she was face to face with the very person of her thoughts. Furrowing her brows at him she stated, "This is interesting." He stood there staring at her, her eyes connecting  to his. "What's wrong?" He inquired. Tamarah slid her hand over her hair while tears gathered in her eyes. " Mom is taking me to the clinic tomorrow."  "That's good Tamarah , you get to do what you wanted. Tamarah cleared her throat, "Well...I'm not sure."  "What do you mean?" Timothy was confused. Earlier that day he was sure she'd wanted an abortion. "Well, I felt different just hearing her say it, it was like she was disgusted with me." Timothy furrowed his brows. "Disgusted?" "Like I repulsed her." Timothy slipped his hand in hers, feeling the pain running through her. "Love, it's alright."  She shook her head,  "No, it's not. My own mother wants me to abort because she doesn't want to be a grandmother." "Tamarah, I'm not understanding what the issue is here. You said yourself that you most likely wouldn't keep it." Tamarah, shrugged,  "Yeah, but when she came through the door, she didn't ask me what I wanted, just told me what I was going to do." Timothy cleared his throat, "I see. So you are upset that she didn't ask you first?" Tamarah nodded her head, "I'm able to make my own decisions." Tamarah, you're a minor, not an adult." "It doesn't mean I'm not able to make my own decisions." Tamarah crossed her arms difiantly. Timothy sighed, "It does if your mom says you are." Tamarah narrowed her eyes, "In the state of Virginia, it's legal for me to decide whether I want to keep my baby or not." Timothy put his hand up to his head confused, "Tamarah, you need to talk to someone else about this. I don't know how to help you on this situation." Tamarah looked up at him. "I just know I can't talk to my mom." "What about the school counselor?" He suggested. "I don't feel comfortable talking to them there." "What about a pastor? Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Anybody but me Tamarah." Tamarah began to think and think  until she gave up, almost ready to leave. Timothy cleared his throat,  "What about my mom?"  Tamarah shook her head, "You're mom hates me. I don't think she'll even talk to me."   "That's not true." Timothy deflected the comment. "My mom just is a stickler when it comes to sex outside of marriage. I bet if I asked her she would help you."   Tamarah sighed, frustrated, putting her hand on her forehead, " This sucks, I never intended for this to happen."   "I know." Timothy stated, unaware that his hand had gone to caressing her back in a comforting fashion. "It still helps to talk to someone about it."   "Tamarah sighed, indicisively, "I don't know.   "Would you prefer talking to my pastor?" He asked, running out of options. Tamarah licked her lips, thinking if she talked to a pastor that would be more embarassing because he was a guy. After contemplating, her decision was made. "I would rather talk to your mom." "She can go over with you what your options are. She used to be a social worker. Maybe she has contacts." Tamarah shrugged, "Thanks." As she prepared herself to leave, Timothy stopped her, "What are you going to do about your appointment tomorrow?" Tamarah shrugged, "I don't know. I'll go but I'm going to make sure it's loud and clear I'd like some time to think about it."   ~                                                                                                             ~   Jordan shook Franklin, the detective working on Gina Harrelson's case, hand and allowed him entrance into his office. "What you got for me Frankie." "Well, this is going to surprise you.' "What's that."  "Your little sultry woman was telling the truth." Frankie put the files down on Jordan's desk. "Yeah?" "Yes, there were plenty of witnesses to what transpired between her and Olier. Several different ocassions." Jordan nodded, "Alright, thanks Frankie."    Frankie smiled at him, "How's that beautiful wife of yours?"    Jordan smiled, "She's great. A little tired lately."   "Yeah, that's usually what happens when a woman is with child."   "Twins, Frankie."  Frankie glanced up from the file in his hand, "Twins?"  Jordan nodded, his posture a little stiff. Frankie immediately went to the office bar, and pulled out a bottle of Brandy and two small shots. Putting the glasses on Jordan's desk, he poured a sip of the brown wine. Holding it up to him, he said, " Congratulations my brother." Jordan sighed, grabbed the glass, clinked it against his and said, "Thanks." Without taking a swig, he set the glass down and watched as Frankie downed his. Frankie set the empty glass next to his. "What's wrong man?"    Jordan sighed, "I was looking forward to the two we have graduating school and going off to college. With two more on the way, that's going to make the vacations, traveling and sporadic love making practically none existent."   Frankie furrowed his brows, "I doubt it man, you and Denise still get down with the best of them. It doesn't seem like marriage have dulled your love for one another."   Jordan sighed, "You're right, it hasn't. I love her more and more everyday and she's an atomic bomb in the bedroom, but...when those two come along, that's going to be the last thing on her mind. Last time Craig was born, it was a whole year before she and I were able to be intimate and another two before we had alone time. The sex didn't start increasing until Craig was old enough to go to school. It was like she had us on this damn schedule and boy did arguments ensue. Finally it got to a point where one night I was so frustrated with everything I just through out the schedule and did all I could do to not rip off her clothes."   Frankie nodded, his cheeks slightly rosy. "Well, it was obviously worth the wait."   Jordan swallowed, "It was but do you know that during that whole time, I almost cheated on her with atleast three different women."   "Adrienne Winters, Deb Nicholson and Juliette Burges, right?"   Jordan narrowed his eyes, "How'd you know?"   Frankie sighed, "For one, I work with Adrienne and I was trying to get a hold of her the night she came up here to brief you on the Davenport Case."   Jordan put his hands over his eyes as if that would erase the beautiful chocolate girl from his mind. She'd been a slender yet curvaceous woman with long beautiful hair that went passed her shoulders. Her heart shaped lips, tough exterior and no nonsense attitude had made Her extremely attractive to him.   He had a serious weakness for dark skin.   One of the things that had attracted him to his wife and kept him attracted was the dark Hershey skin tone she kept shiny with various oils. Her skin was smooth as silk, edible and beautiful through and through. He got lost on many occasions in the luscious sweet scent.  How her skin contrasted to his was an outright addiction when she lay entangled with him. Especially when her hair was in a natural fro.   The blood that pumped through his chest, causing his breath to stick in his throat, drove him crazy with need, as he envisioned his wife, his heart swelled at the deep connection they had built. She was his anchor and he was her rock. As he thought of his wife he knew he'd spend 30 more years with her. There was no woman on this earth worth trading her in for. She'd given him every part of her from her body to her heart, soul and mind. It was all joined to him. Just as all of him belonged to her.    She was  the only person he loved more than himself. The only woman who could get under his skin, to the depths of his soul. As he thought this, his mind went to Vanessa. His daughter had a place unrivalled in his heart as well. Although he loved Craig, he related more to Vanessa who had characteristics of both him and her mother. Tough as nails like her mother but she had his heart. When she loved she loved. All it took was one betrayal and he'd never look at you the same way again. Jordan knew that when Vanessa fell in love she was going to become more like him but until then she acted as her mother. only he saw her soft side which mirrored his.    Turning his attention back to Franklin, he grabbed a notepad from his desk, asking for the names of the individuals who claimed to have witnessed Gina being sexually harassed by Mr. Olier. After getting the names he asked Franklin if three was anything else he needed to add to the information he'd already received. "For now that's all. However just know that I will be keeping an eye on both parties just to make sure there is no scheming involved."    Jordan sighed, understanding full well the meaning behind his approach. he didn't trust either individuals involved and felt it crucial to keep an eye out. He knew Franklin long enough to know how he operated.    -----   Gina Harrelson flicked her tongue over her teeth as she opened the tube of Candy red lipstick.   "Gina I don't think you should do this." Her roommate Maya Tucker stated as she watched her in the mirror with light hazel colored nervous eyes.   "Why not?"   "He's married with children."    "He's also quite wealthy. Should he and his wife divorce she Will be well taken care of."   "How do you know that he will leave her for you?"  Gina smiled, "I don't, but it will be quite fun tempting him to. Men like him can't stand to see a woman in distress."   "You should have respect for his wife and kids."   Gina sighed," he should be considering them, not me  I'm not married."   "Are you going to do him like you did Mr Olier?" Patting her hair Gina shrugged. "I didn't do anything to Mr Olier. He did everything of his own accord."   "You wrecked his marriage."   Shaking her head adamantly, Gina denied her friend's accusations. "You can't wreck something that was alreadhy torn apart."   "They seemed to be happy Gina and you came in between that."   Gina rolled her eyes, sighing. "If they were really happy, he wouldn't have came on to me so strongly. I'm so sick of men who think they are entitled to women, men who think they can have any woman they want because she looks good.  They,  are the reason why women such as myself hate men."    Maya exhaled sharply. This was the reason she refused to introduce Gina to her boyfriend. Maya and Uriel had been dating for a year and a half now and during their last anniversary, he'd requested that she make the move with him to Oregan, after he'd gotten a promotion with V tech toy company as plant manager for the store in Miles Ville Oregan. Although she'd accepted the offer, she hadn't yet revealed the information to Gina for this purpose. Gina was crazy ass fuck.    Maya had known Gina since they'd both started Park View high back when they lived in South Hill. This behavior was nothing new for Gina. Gina had seduced a teacher of theirs into a sexual relationship and then after three months exposed their relationship to his wife. She had ruined a good person and seemed to be on the fast track with finding other people to screw with. She'd so far had ruined seven men and their marriages. It's like she got some sick and twisted delight out of hurting them.   Maya was waiting for the day when she was served just desserts. Although she'd ignored it the majority of the time they'd been around one another, now that she was serious with Uriel, the thought of Gina coming between them made her sick. That's why she couldn't bring herself to introduce him to her.   Maya loved Uriel more than life itself. He was the reason she was alive, litterally. Maya had struggled with depression from the age of ten after her mother died and had a difficult time forming relationships. On the day she'd been on her way to the city bridge to take that faithful leap, he'd sat down next to her. It surprised Maya that he would speak to her without being spoken too. She'd been so used to being ignored that it shocked her when he asked her what her name was. Then he'd proceeded to tell her that he noticed she'd take the bus every Thursday around that time. Maya sighed as she thought of how desperate she'd been at the time, wishing to end her less than exciting life due to sheer hurt over her mother's passing.   Her father who'd been a functioning alcoholic worked in one of the coal mines in a nearby town and spent the majority of his time away from home. Thus, leaving her feeling neglected and abandoned. She'd been so withdrawn and isolated mentally and emotionally that she'd been the proverbial fly on the wall during school. She kept quiet in the majority of her classes and passed through primary, secondary and college without a single soul to really. truly relate to until Uriel.    As she stared at Gina, the fear the encompassed her reached to the bottom of her soul. No way, no how would Gina meet Uriel or interact with him.    ~   Denise threw the used wash cloth in the sink and uttered a sigh as she plopped herself down on a chair that was placed at the table in front of her. As she glanced around the kitchen she admired the gleam of various appliances, the bright display of checkered flooring in the kitchen and the neat presentation of every item in its proper place. Organization was definately a strong suit of hers. As she glanced at the area, her mind couldn't help but flicker back to thoughts of her daughter. She would like to offer her some type of condolance, some type of wisdom, some type of solution for her current situation, but it was not a task that came quick to her. She'd never dealt with any guy she loved cheating on her. She'd never dealt with a bestfriend who'd been the perpetrator and managed to get pregnant by her own boyfriend. She genuinely felt at loss as to what to say to her 15 year old.   As her mind drifted to Jordan, she knew that if there was one thing she couldn't take it was infidelity. Infidelity was a subject best not talked about because just the mere thought made her angry. She knew that would be a killer for her. Something she would never be able to accept or let go. The response to this thought unnerved her. She quickly thought about the letter she'd received from the local middle School. A meeting had been set up with James Lorhen the School principal to go over everything needed for the first day of school.    She thought about how to tell her husband about the letter and how to tell him that she'd accepted the position. She knew that accepting this position would upset their "happy" life but felt it was necessary. She also knew that he would have a fit at the idea of her being pregnant and working, but the truth was, he didn't understand the lonliness she felt, the isolation associated with the fact that all she ever did was clean and quite frankly, she was tired of it. She felt as if she was more than a mother. She had found a way to express that. In such a way she knew ultimately he would have no choice but to be happy about it. Denise glanced at her watch. It was twelve noon. Nap time was calling.   As she was about to go to up the back stairwell to her bedroom, she heard the answering machine go off, indicating that someone was leaving a message. "Mr. Williams, this is Gina Harrelson, I'm calling to see if you heard anything back from that detective you'd hired to look into my cas. I would like to set up a meeting with you at your earliest convienence."   Denise felt her cheeks burn with irritation and an adrenaline rush began her thumping heart. There was something about this woman that she didn't like, something that stroked a sincere dread in the pit of her stomach. As she thought this, her body began trembling and she closed her eyes, trying to still her body into a quietness but it wouldn't work. She worked herself into such a frenzy that she picked up the phone and dialed her husband's work number.   ~   Jordan was going over a document of charges he'd compiled for his previous client bill of service, when his phone rang. Glancing at it, he saw that it was Denise. A smile captured his face and heart as he picked it up   "Why the hell are you doing this Jordan?" Denise's voice was loud as she yelled at her husband. Jordan's demeanor straightened and he dropped his felt tip pin on the desk. "Excuse me?" He inquired. His tone confused. "Why did you give that girl our number. Our home phone number?" Jordan furrowed his brows, "What girl?" "That girlI who's case you are working on, that Gina girl " Jordan sighed, "Stop yelling at me. What's your problem? I gave her our number in case of an emergency." Denise's breathing was heavy over the phone as she clenched the phone in her hand. The dread she felt in her spirit was difficult to deal with, "You've never done that before, so why start now? What the hell is so special about this girl?" Jordan could hearl the anxiety in his wife's voice.  It was so strong, it caused his heart to drop in his chest. "Denise, this is strictly work related. There's nothing going on between Ms. Harrelson and I." "But why do you need to share personal information." Denise inquired. "Denise, have you had a nap yet?"Jordan interjected, looking at his watch. "Don't try to passify me Jordan, I'm not a child, you can answer my question." "Denise you are tripping. I told you there is nothing going on between my client and I. My number is for emergencies, incase she can't get ahold of me at the office. Now you need to take your butt and go lay down." "Jordan, I don't agree with this." Denise stated, her heart pounding harshly against her chest. If this was so innocent, why did she feel the opposite? It was then his voice became calm yet authoritative. "Denise,  how long have we been together?" Denise steeled herself, knowing that when he used that tone, it melted her heart and she couldn't have that. "That's besides the point. People get married everyday and one partner decides the other is boring or lacking something and then things go from there." Jordan felt the smile in his heart before it broke through his chest and eventually found it's way past his throat and out of his mouth. "You really thought this through huh?" He leaned back and propped his feet up on the mini stool that rested beneath his deask. Denise felt a small break in her resolve at his sweet laughter. "Of course I did." She stated. "So one partner decides to try something new huh?" "Well...yeah." Jordan shook his head as he felt every part of him come alive. This woman excited him in a way no other woman could. Just a thought of her made his mind race, "Does that mean you wsh to try something new Denise?" His tone was so sultry that Denise felt a heavy fog place itself over her mind and her ability to think became irratic. "Jordan, are you trying to manipulate me?" He inquired, "Is that what you want?" Denise bit her lip and put her arms defiantly across her  chest. "You know what I'm talking about, Jordan. That woman has no business calling our home." Jordan licked his lips, "Is that right?" His drool was playful yet seductive." Denise's breathing became loud, "You're being a jerk right now Jordan. Don't try to make this anything other than what it is." She shook her head and furrowed her brows. That didn't even make sense to her. Jordan didn't speak, he went silent. This let her know he wasn't going to entertain her thoughts. She also knew it meant he was reigning in his own form of control. "I know you hear me Jordan." Denise stated, her tone slightly wavering. Jordan felt the tightness that began in his chest constrict in his heart. He whispered, "I love you Denise. You know that." Denise tried to grasp for air as her heart sped up. She tried to tell it to calm down, but it just accelerated more. "You should be honest with me Jordan. I know you like that woman." "She's descent but she's not you, Denise. I can live without her but not with out you." Denise exhaled sharply, "Why do you always do this to me?" Jordan pulled his tie loose from around his neck as he felt the tingles in his body began to slightly subside, meaning his blood pressure was turning back to normal. "Do what Denise?" Denise closed her eyes, "This, I feel like you are constantly deflecting any topic I think is important." "Only when you bring stupid insinuations like the one you just tried to me. You know how I feel about you Denise. Unfortunately for you I have been in love with you since we first saw each other. I don't see any other woman the way I see you." "You say that now Jordan, but I'm telling you..." Jordan could sense the fear underneath her words. "Denise we are going to grow old and die together. We are going to have our kids and grand kids and great grand kids together in our home."   "But Jordan, I'm telling you, I have a bad feeling about this girl..." "And I'm telling you I'm not going anywhere. I don't care how beautiful or sexy another woman is, she doesn't compare to you. Do you understand that." "But Jordan..." Denise felt her heart melt and the resolve she had broke. She couldn't explain it, but there was something different about this girl. There was something different about his behavior and all though she heard the words he spoke and understood his love for her, she couldn't help but feel like he couldn't see the forrest for the trees. The one thing about Jordan was that he was always optimistic in his love for her, always willing to over look the negative, always willing to work through their problems, no matter how big or how small, but the one thing he could never seem to grasp was when something was directly in front of his face. He couldn't see how subconsciously little by little he was compromising, but she did. Just the slightest difference was enough to speculate. "Jordan, do you trust me?" Jordan nodded his head while answering, "What kind of question is that?" "I know you love me Jordan and I understand you think that's all you need, but please listen to me. Be careful with that woman, ok?" "Are you jealous of Gina, De-De?" "She's beautiful, Jordan, too beautiful." Denise felt her heart break as she admitted this. "Denise you are the woman I love, the woman who has my children, the woman who has my heart and soul. The woman who I would never give up ever in my life." "That girl is crazy beautiful Jordan and even I can see that." Jordan sighed, "You have nothing to worry about."   Denise sighed. If there was nothing to worry about, she wouldn't be feeling this way. There was something about that woman that showed Denise that a no would not be enough to deter her. She was like a siren and whirlwind all in one. She was not what Jordan suspected.  Jordan underestimated the prowess nature of a single woman. As she remembered the beauty in her head, Denise began to contemplate what she could do to keep Jordan with his family. She was his wife, he chose her and although he didn't know it, this woman was a neuclear threat. It made her smile at his innocense.   He was such a beautiful soul that he couldn't see that a war was starting to brew. Although she'd promised herself she'd never fight over a man, she understood that he was no man, he was her husband and although he tried to hide it, he was quite susceptible to beauty. He loved anything that displayed it's own sense of beauty, pride, and adoration. He didn't see the red haired girl as a threat yet but that's because she wasn't trying, but when things progressed to that point, it would be difficult for him. Denise knew what to do in this case, because when she was in her 30's she watched Garrett and her mom go through this, except Garret was the one fighting for her mother. In the end, her mom didn't leave him, not because she hadn't thought about it, but because Garret noticed the withdrawl and instead of giving up he approached the issue head on.   Denise went upstairs and decided that she would talk to Vicki when she picked up Vanessa today.   ~   Vanessa   My mom was talking to Aunt Vicki and although I had no idea what about, it must have been serious because I'd gotten tired of waiting for her in the van after twenty minutes. I had prepared myself to exit and as I did she opened the door and shut it close, starting the vehicle. "Mom, what took so long?" I inquired, buckling my seat belt as she pulled out of the drive way. "I needed to talk to your Aunt Viki." "About what?" Mom glanced over at me. " A few things and among them, your departure from school today." I rolled my eyes."Come on ma..I didn't do anything wrong. They just sent me home." She smirked, "Sure Vanessa. They just decided to send you home." "Well, the principal got mad because I wouldn't talk to the counselor about what's going on with Tamarah. I don't feel like it's really any of their business." "Their trying to take control of the situation Vanessa." "It doesn't really matter about controlling the situation because the whole school knows she and Tommy slept together." I felt my cheeks burn at this acknowledgement. They all knew but no one understood the shame and embarrassment something of this magnitude causes. "How do you feel about that, Vanessa?" I shrugged. " I feel like I can't really do anything about it since she's pregnant. I have to live with the embarrassment." My mom sighed, "Would you like to enroll in a school on the other side of town?" I rolled my eyes, "With all of those preppy kids? I'm fine right here, thank you." "You would fit in there Vanessa. You're intelligent, bright and not to mention beautiful. They will flock to you." I sighed and rolled my eyes, not really sure what the fuss was about. I felt like my skin was too light, my eyes drew too much attention and guys looked at my breasts and hips before anything else. It was irksome to know that all they thought of when they saw me was sex. Out side of Tommy there was no other guy I was interested in. "Are you interested in going to another school, Vanessa?" I exhaled, "All the way across town mom? Come on, between Dad's work schedule and your pregnancy I wouldn't want to do that. It's enough with Craig having to go to school over there." "While everything you stated is true, it doesn't mean I wouldn't mind driving you over there, besides I received a letter from a school over there." I turned my head to my mother. "You did?" We made a left turn on Terrace Road. "Yes, Vanessa." "Which one?"  "I can't remember but I know I received one, so I'm deciding on whether or not to go back to work come the fall." I raised my eye brows, my face suddenly morphing into a replica of my dad's when he was surpried. "You are going to work in the fall?" My mom laughed, "Why not?" "Hmm, I don't know, what about the baby growing inside your womb? Too much stress can't be a good thing." My mom yawned as she turned on her left turn signal at a red light. "I find it more stressful sitting at home cleaning all day. I have a degree in History and can't even use it." "That's because you chose to become a mother." Mom made the turn now that the light was red, "Being a mother has nothing to do with it. Your father and I agreed that once you and Craig started school that I would go back to work." "You're pregnant again." "And that shouldn't stop me from accomplishing my goals." "Mom Dad's practice is doing well now." "I know, all the more for me to get out of the house." "What about dinner? You and dad will probably start fighting now." She shook her head, "Why's that? Because I will finally have something to do other than take  care of you guys?" I rolled my eyes. "Mom you act like that's a bad thing." "No it's not, but i should be able to do something I enjoy doing." "And teaching is it?" I sighed frustrated.  "Vanessa, I understand that you won't have your mother to pick up after you all the time, cook dinner every single night and be at your beck and call like usual, but seriously, it's time you start filling in your own place. It's time for you guys to grow up and learn to care for yourselves. Don't always depend on me for everything." "And you getting a job will help us do that?" I felt angry and anxious now without understanding why.  "Yes." Mom turned onto the road we lived on and pulled into the drive way at the end of the block. I threw my hands up, "Whatever." She turned the key to the off position and I opened my door. "I have home work." "Vanessa, it's for the best." I cleared my throat and said, "I'm sure it is mom. I hope you have a good night." As i grabbed my bag from the floor of the car, I grabbed the door with the other hand. Slipping the bag over my shoulder, I closed the door and made my way to the front door. I really didn't feel like talking with her about this.        Text: Navaura Campbell, Brandy M. Editing: Brandy All rights reserved. Publication Date: November 3rd 2019 https://www.bookrix.com/-brandy83

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unknown haha, society sucks Mates... Can she handle the truth? wil she love him ? BookRix GmbH & Co. KG 81371 Munich The awakening. I was quiet... their comments never bothered me. I never got angry so easily. Im not stubborn... Whats going on with me ? Whats going on with me ? I was in my own world. Memorize by this book. Reading and reading. Its like this trance... but it was all ruined....  ' crash'   is all I heard. Silence was ruined and well.. so was my book. I stay in the back alot not really pay attention to anyone or anything. Just keep to myself.. but today. She really knows how to piss me off. Marilyn oh Marilyn. The most sexiest girl in school. Oh gag me. More like the sluttiest, hazel eyes, big lips, and honey voice that can tie a guy round her little finger. I dont like her, never did, but than again, shes never noticed me. Despite that i caught myself staring, so did she. "What the hell you looking at freak."  "Obviously you. what the hell are you looking at hoe." omg did i really just say that. "OMG she speaks, whatever daddy says to leave fugly people alone.!" "ooo i bet daddy taught you more than that, by the looks of it" what the hell am i saying ! "ugh you ugly bitch !!" i smirked and sat back down, wondering what the heck was going on with my mind. When i look back up i see everybody staring at me astonished. I mumbled sorry and ran out of class. Damnit Saffire whats wrong with you !!! i thought to myself while i ran to the restroom. Once i got to the restroom tears whelled up in my eyes. I dont even know why im crying.. maybe because i have no idea what the hell i just did. I looked at my brown, hazel like eyes, they looked a bit darker with my smeared makeup. I fixed my makeup and re did my cat eye, it gives me more of an intimidating look, which never really works, i put my nappy wavy brown hair in a bun and looked at myself in the mirror for a bit. Im 5'3. Very short for my age. Im 17 looking 13, i giggled a little. i put some lipgloss on my lips, there big and have a v shape at the top, and i said to myself "Well, she was right about one thing you really are ugly Saffire" I laughed because i didnt care. I walked out the restroom and went to lunch, sat at my loner table, i was stuck in the book for a bit till i heard Marilyn and her friends walk by... "What a freak." Than laughter. For some reason the comment bothered me, i felt my anger rise up but i calmed myself down and decided to go home. On the way home, I was thinking on why i get mad so easily.. and why i stopped staying quiet.. welp, who knows. When i got home my momma asked why i was home so early, i just said i felt sick and went upstairs. I ran into my little brothers room, they got scared than attacked me with hugs after a while i felt sick, so i went to my bedroom and fell asleep. ..................... I wake up to the door bell and see, a man, a woman, and a really really hot son. I mean like gorgeous... thats when my mom called me. Lies, their lying right ? (Adrians p.o.v) She ran down the staires.. omg shes stunning. No stop. I cant like her. Shes going to ruin my life.. I cant believe im going to marry her ! Shes probably uses guys like all the others. 'but shes so pretty' my wolf said 'shushh alexander' i said to him. I wonder if she knows were going to get married. I wonder if she even knows shes a wolf. If she doesnt than well this is going to be fun. She looks so innocent and gaawd look at her lips and her eyes, shes so so, STOP. God Adrian keep yourself together. She sat on the couch, she looked at me than looked away, and turned to her mother... i wonder what she thinks of me. Than thats when i read her mind.   ( Saffiers p.o.v) "yes mom ?" i plopped on the couch and looked at him. Hes cute, extremely cute but i dont know him hes probably an ass like the rest, and plus he'd never be intrested in me. I mean look at me. I thought. I looked away. "Sweetie theirs something i need to tell you." My mom said with tears in her eyes "Mom spit it out" I said with sympathy "Well sweety you see this man and his family, thats going to be your father in law-"  I interrupted. " MY WHAT !?" "Sweetie hear me out." she said. I kept quiet. "When you were young i promised this man that you'd marry his son." i looked at him, and anger shot threw my face. "Listen, your very special, and this young man, his name is Adrian, you will be marrying him. He is alpha. You are an omega. Your father was Alpha and left you to protect you." A tear went down my face, i hated looking so weak. "IM SPECIAL !?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT MOM ! WHAT ABOUT YOU, AND MY BROTHERS IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE JUST LIKE THAT ! My father, left me no. us for our own. I dont know this boy so the hell im going to marry him, why are you making me. You lied. Mom you lied to me..." I started crying... thats when my mom also started crying and said "Your a werewolf."   (Adrians p.o.v) When i read her mind i blushed. I wonder if she saw that ? Than my face turned to anger.Asshole. Did she really call me that? Well no but she thinks i am but why i kept overthinking and ignoring her and her mothers conversation. Tham she looked at me. Angry, why the hell is she mad at me, Its not my fault! I looked away and after a while she started to yell but she looked angry yet she was crying and i felt bad i just wanted to hug her and tell her everythings gunna be okay. I looked at her with sympathy and hate at the same time, She covered her face.. thats when her mom said it. Shes a werewolf. Her face went plain. And she started to laugh and yell. " Do you honestly expect me to believe that! Mom im not stupid more lies! ugh." I managed to speak "its true i said." mom and dad looked at her and said the same thing. She mumbled sorry and ran upstairs.   (Saffiers p.o.v) Could it be true ? Is that why ive been acting so strange. Is that why ive been getting so mad, no their lying. They all are, but why would they lie ?... I ran upstairs to my brothers and cried my eyes out, they hugged me and cheered me up. Boy am i going to miss them. I better still be able to see them beause if not. Id hang myself. I cant believe i have to marry him. UGHH i hate life right now. I bet every girl wants him but me, and yet im stuck with him !!!! UGHH i was falling asleep.. and than im asleep. ..............   My new life . (Saffires p.o.v)    "Where am i ?" I said, looking at my surroundings, i knew i was in an airplane but how did i get here ? Why am i here, and where am i going ? "In an airplane if it isnt obvious enough." Adrian said. I was right he is an ass, a smart ass. I swear . "Ya dont say, but how did i get in a damn airplane. Where am i going, and wheres my family?!" I yelled a litte, im worried and confused.. my brothers, i didnt say bye.. my mom.  "Were going to my house. I carried you here, your little family is at your old house, you'll see them soon no need to cry about it" he says. I looked at him with hurt and quickly looked away, how could he just say that to me? Of course he wouldnt know how it feels. He has his family.  "Wheres all my stuff?" i said " Your mom packed for you" he says i said k. Than looked out the window and shut my eyes.   (Adrians p.o.v) We needed to catch our flight back home. So i went up stairs to say lets go, i didnt see her in her room. So i tried the next room she was asleep in her brothers room they were laying their with her. I looked at her, i saw a tear on her cheek, her arms tightly around her brothers. I felt bad for her, shes beautiful. No stop. I removed her arms from her brother and picked her up in my arms nearly cradling her, shes so light, its like picking up a baby. Her eyes closed and gawd she is short! I walked out the room and something tapped my thigh. Her brother. "Where are you taking my sister.?" The boy says "Home, with me." i said rather harshly. "Will i see her again.?" tears started to well up in his eyes. "yes. i promise." i said, he nodded and went to his mom who was packing her clothes. "Is she heavy?" her mother asks me "No not at all." i told her smiling. I walked away. I looked down at her. Her lips... gawd her lips. I wanted to kiss her. No my wolf wanted to it took all my strength not to.  When all her bags were put in the car i set her down, shes such a deep sleeper i thought to myself. ................... We arrived at the airport. I picked her up and put her in the plane. A few hours after her eyes fluttered open. She asked me all these questions. I replied rudely and regretted it . When i read her thought i felt bad. Even though she called me an ass i deserved it. When she shut her eyes again i stared at her. Man shes beautiful...   (Saffires p.o.v) I awoke to someone poking me. "Were here." i knew his voice i was hoping this was all a bad dream but its true... Some nice ladies took my bags to what i thought was my room. Man their house is HUGEEE! Well anyways when i went to my room. He was in there as well. "Yes?" I answered. He just glared at me, and smirked. "This is my room to yanno." he said. I just looked at him dumb struck. "We sleep together..?" i asked dumbly "Yes, yes we do ." i looked away asking for privacy. He walked into his. No our restroom. I started putting my undies and bras in my drawr. I didnt want him to see them. Right than and there he walked out the restroom in just a towel. I looked at him. OMG hes hes... amazing. His hair was wet and pulled back. He smiled at me. And i find myself blushing and back into the world than i looked down at my hand... my black laced victoria secret bra. I quickly put it in the drawr and blushed. I kept hoping he didnt notice but he just seems to just smile at me. "Ugh go ahead laugh ." I said. He just looked at me " I like it when you blush." is all he said. i looked away, blushing harder than a red tomato. Than turned back at him. "Yes?" i said "Nothing.." he says "Than why are you staring." i say He walked up to me and grabbed me by my waist. I blushed so hard. He just laughed and let me go. God im stupid. Is this really my new life ? Big house, arranged husband and werewolf? Which i clearly still think is a lie . This is my life now... a tear goin down my face.   Werewolf I walked down stairs and found Adrians mom and dad sitting there asking me to come and talk. I sat down i dont even know there names it i thought.   "Im sorry but i never got your names?" I asked   "Oh im sorry dear were mrs. and mr. kingston but call me Ellie" The wife says. "And call me Adam." The husband says.   "okie dokie, well uhm.. Adam and Ellie, what did you guys need to speak about?" i say   "Oh yes well it is a long story so please do not interruped" Adam says. i nod my head.   "Okay well where do i begin.. a long long time ago, you were born and your father left because he was a leader of a pack and to protect you, your fathers alpha, so other alphas would come after him, and most likely you. When your father left your mother was very poor, nd so your father sent me to help. I gave your mother alot of money enough for a house and food for a whole 5 years. I made a deal with your mother. That you would marry my son, Adrian. She accepted. You will be meeting your father very soo, dear. He misses you and loves you very much. Well anyways. Your father is a werewolf and so are you. Have you been dealing with aggression and sudden out burst lately? he says. i nod my head. "He goes good. Good, your change should be in 1 week. When the full moon starts, it wont hurt. It will be quick. You will be sick for a while. Oh and your wedding is in 2 months, but thats only if on the full moon night, if you see if Adrian is your true mate." he says. " But how do i turn ? and how do i know if hes my mate?" i say "You call your wolf by her name. You name her. And you two will be able to read eachothers minds if you both are mates" he says "okie dokie. Is that is?" i say "Yes."he says "K thanks." i said I walk back upstairs and think of what i willl call my inner wolf... hmm bella? no. Stacey? no. I GOT IT!!! Ohh Mariah.   Mariah.  "Yes?" she says. I jumped a bit. and asked in my head "is he really my mate, Mariah?"  "Omg yes! Isnt he such a cutie."  "Yes but how do you know for sure?"  "ugh because i do. If you dont believe me just wait and find out."  "mmk."   Thats when i realized. I Saffire Marie Valenzuela. Am a werewolf.   HI.   I quietly said thank you and walked up stairs. Warm hands grabbed me, i loved the way they held me but what am i thinking?? Who has me, i fought the hands off of me, or well tried, but than i couldnt i can feel hands on my eyes and mouth. Than a laugh. Its his laugh . WHAT THE HELL! This isnt funny . Than i opened my mouth and bit him, he grunted and got angry. My turn to laugh.   "What the hell was that for!?" he said.   "hmm,, you kidnapped me!" i laughed   "I was bored i just wanted to play around" he said still angry.   He was on the ground, just sitting their holding his hand. I stared at him. I looked at him in the eye and he looked at me hungrily, i just smirked at him, and he smirked back i sat on him and i felt his manhood, i wiggled around a bit, than i looked him in the eye, i guess he thought i was going to kiss him, But right before our lips touched i said   "Game on." i said and quickly jumped off and ran.   I heard him grunt, i can teel he was mad, i ran to my new room, and quickly shut the door. God how badly i just wanted to taste his lips.. ughh focus saffire, I ran to the closet and i crouched down. Thats when i heard a key. Damn. Than the doorknob turn, i moved a little more farther back. I closed my eyes. And crossed my fingers.   Adrians p.o.v I was bored, so i just waited for Saffire to come back up, i wanted to scare her. I heard foot steps, and when i saw her on the top step looking confused, i grabbed her, covering her eyes and mouth, she was going crazy, i accidently laughed and i had a feeling she knew it was me, than a sudden pain hit my arm. Ughh! She would. Next time ill read whats going on in her mind, i let go and fell n the floor, sitting there, holding my hand in pain. She was talking to my.   "I was just bored, i just wanted to play" i said   Than this weird thing happened she sat on me, and i immidietly got turned on, i barely ever get turned on though. i leaned back while she was wiggling her ass, thats when i fely my manhood go up, oh god. Than she went up to my face, very close. I wanted to kiss her so bad, her lips so plump and pink, but than all i heard was   "Game on" she said.   My face went straight, i just wanted to yell, but i was a bit turned on, on how she did that. How could i let her do that to me. Ughh her and her revenge. How could she. I saw her run, i know she ran to our room, i got up and ran in there. Door locked. Luckily theres a key. I unlocked it and walked in. She wasnt in. I got scared, i dont know why, i just did. Than commen sence hit me. Shes hiding. I looked in the restroom, Nope. Bottom of the bed, no one. Hmm... a. Closet. I grinned madly and walked towards the closet slowly. No one ???? I looked up where the last shelf was and there she was, eyes closed, and fingers crossed. I laughed to myself, and picked her up, she screamed and struggled. I felt like shrek, and heres the annoying fiona.   "Jesus, fiona, were just taking you to your prince" i laughed   "Ass." she said   I ignored her comment and through her on the bed, and i tightened my grip on her. My turn to play her.   "My turn" i growled.   i got on top of her and kissed her neck, she bit her lip, damn she looked so sexy, i kissed her to where her jawline was, a moan escaped her lips, her soft spot, i went to her collar bone, and sucked on it, she bit her lip even harder   "s-stop. You win" she practically moaned.    I wanted to kiss her on the lips. But i couldnt, thats what she wants, i read her thoughts, their pretty loud. I tugged on her and left a hickie on her neck and walked away. Schools tomorrow. I realized i might like her, and no guys better go after her.   saffires p.o.v im pissed. I looked at myself in the mirror after that little incident. Memories hit me, i felt like, like every time he touched me i could feel these tingles, i loved the way it felt. Stop. I looked at my neck.   "Bastard.'' I said to myself.   I saw a hickie, I have school tomorrow. And worst part, ITS A NEW SCHOOL AND A FIRST DAY. Ughhh. I walked put the restroom and saw it was already eleven at night. And i found, Adrian on the bed, i just got on top of him and left a hickie on his neck, he moaned, than grunted after he noticed what i just did. He looked at me with fierce eyes, i stared back, than kicked him off the bed, and took the blanket and got on the bed, i looked up to see him staring at me. But he was smiling?? He layed down next to me, we were back to back, i can feel him on me, i just loved the way his skin felt.. I slowly fell asleep.     First day   I woke up, to a stupid alarm than remembered school. I quickly got up, but i struggled. I found Adrians big fat arm around me, i blushed at that. I removed his arm . Or well tried, his grip tightened. I looked at him mad.   "Helloo, mr bear, cuddling time over, school. Remember, i need this hickie off." i said   I heard him chuckle. Than i did to, he ran his fingers through my hair, i shivered, and closed my eyes. I opened my eyes, 20 seconds, later. He still had his hand in my air, He was sleeping again, ughh. I did whatever it took. I grabbed his balls, and said wake up while gripping them, he looked at me surprisingly. On the inside i was surprised too. His uhmm manhood, is uhm. WOW. lol. anyways. His eyes looked at me hungrily. Damn he was turned on, i quickly got up. He smirked at me. I ran to the restroom and he went in with me, damn. I smirked at him. I started with my hair, i curled it. Than i was distracted, I looked at adrian. He was in the shower. Focus. I looked back in the mirror. I finished my hair, i picked up the foundation, and i put it on the hickie, i heard the curtains open. Shit, right behind me he was changing. I kept applying the foundation.   "You need some?" i asked him, laughing, now that i remember his hickie   "Haha. Damn. Eh girls will only want me more" he said plain.   I got mad, jealousy??? NONO. Ugh how could he just say that to me. I smiled.   "Good thing i can cover this up, i plan on making friends. Maybe guy friends too" i said   His face went straight. I heard him growl. He stormed out the restroom. Oops. Im not the only one. I started doing my make up I looked at my crystal eyes... i put on mascara, and the cat eye, i put on some pink lipsick. I went to get ready and my outfit turned put like this...   well i was outside, looking for a ride to school. Thats when Adrian showed up, he grabbed me, i was confused. Thats when he kissed me. I pushed away, and looked in his eyes, thats when i kissed him. I knew we werent together it was just one of those play things, I know when i said game on. Okay look game on means, were friends with benefits, and that game ends when one of us falls in love with one another. I let go at this thought.   "change." he said   w-what?" i asked puzzled   "You are not going to school like that." he said mad. aaa still jealous i see.   "aha, okay daddy uhm no. Like i said i wanna make friends." i smirked.   "Well than. So do i, i might bring one home btw" he said   "take the guest room" i said mad.   Ughh. He wouldnt if he did i would never forgive him. EVER.   He tossed me keys.   "Your car, over there" he pointed to the bugatti. I screamed YESSS.    Than i realized, i cant drive. My face went straight.   "whats wrong?" he said laughing   "i cant drive." i said mad.   "oh god. ahahha, getcho ass in the car" he said   i walked angrily in his car, which was pretty sweet. He started to drive, i realized something, im sure as hell, hes popular and the a man whore in school, what will they think of me???   "well, ehhem. Theyll think your my girl, or that your a slut. i doubt it tho, i dont really go for those girls, but ayee, anyways, girls will hate you. I dont know about the guys, and i know what your thinking because im alpha, i read minds."   Shit. i thought, than blushed.   "heard that."   "uhm so girls will basically kill me, well try to" i said smirking.   "yes, nice confidence tho" he laughed.   We arrived at the school, i got out the car. and so did he, i had no idea where to go and thats when all these girls came running. I felt threatened. For some reason, my nails started to grow and i felt my teeth getting sharp. SHIT SHIT. Than adrian grabbed me and we ran. Really fast, he took me inside,.   "control yourself." he said.   I was so shocked.   "h-how.?" i felt so weak.   "ugh, go make friends" he said.   I forgot, im the quiet one, im not pretty, i just... dont make friends... ive been called ugly so many times, and freak plus weird. I dont make friends... I mean look at me. Im just ugly. That confidence i had this morning. Gone .   He was looking at me with sympathy. Great i forgot, mind thing.   "dont give me that look. I dont need sympathy" i wiped a tear and turned quickly.   I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, his face was angry.   "what." i said   "You are not ugly. You are the most beautiful person, i know. Thats the reason why i dont deserve you." he walked away.   "wait" i yelled.   "yea" he said.   "dont lie to me, you dont want me, because im ugly a-and... theres so many girls out there, u cant have just one. Thats just the kinda guy you are." i said, tears in my eyes.   adrians p.o.v - Just the kind of guy you are" the words hit me hard. Anger hit me. She doesnt know me. She doesnt know me at all.   "your right." i said looking away, i regretted that imedietly. I heard a small cry. And the restroom door close. Shit.   regrets   I walked away from the bathroom door, the bell rang, i went to my first class, i was focused for once, trying to distract my self. i couldnt, her cry, the pain in her face, stuck in my mind. I heard the door open. It was Saffire. crap. Shes in my class, her head was held down, i could tell her confidence was just off. The teacher told her to present herself. " im saffire" she says picking her head up giving the class a light smile.   I heard guys whistle, i heard them look at her, like she was a goddess. I saw girls with envy. I growled. And my pack heard, they all looked down. The teacher pointed her assigned seat, right next to me great. She seemed stuck for a sec, than continued walking head held down. She didnt bother to look at me. Pain in my heart. I felt it. I saw her wipe her face, seemed like a tear. God...     (Saffires p.o.v) I cried and cried, what he said hurt.. alot more than it should have. It felt like rejection. He rejected me... He officially rejected me as his mate. B-But i cant believe im marrying him. Ughh, i heard the bell and walked into my first class.. I saw him. I put my head down, than the teacher tapped me, and told me to introduce myself, because shes never seen my face.   "I-Im saffire." i managed to say putting a light smile   Guys whistled, and their eyes full of hunger, confidence came back a little, girls looked at me with hatred. All of the sudden a growl from the back of the class, put them silent. Adrian. It eve scared me, what the hell, he rejected me and now hes jealous. Pathetic. I had to go sit next to him, i put my head back down and walked slowl towards my desk, i felt eyes on me, i sat down.. Remembering what happened, a tear fell down, i quickly wiped it   ..........   Hour past, and well... bell rang, i quickly got out and ran to my next class, but on my way i bumped into this handsome guy, not as handsome as Adrian, but handsome.  Like wow.  I cant think this way. It felt wrong. I was about to fall, but warm hard hands held me up..   "s-sorry" i said   "my fault" he said staring into my eyes   "i b-better get going"i said   "wait"  he said   "yea?"i said   "whats your name?" he said smiling   " Saffire, and you" i smiled back   "Andrew" he said   "its a pleasure to meet u" i said   Than he kissed me on the cheek, i stood in shock.   "same here" than he walked away.   I started walking to, smiling at the thought of what just happened, than i saw Adrian, pissed off. Fist clenched, i saw who he was staring at. Shit, Andrew. I saw him walking towards him. My fault. I know Adrian cares. I can feel it. I literally stood right in front of him, before he could get any farther, He tensed in front of me, i needed to calm him down, immedietly, my body reacted before my brain, i put my arms around his neck and i hugged him, it felt so warm. So-so... right. I felt him relax...   "stay calm... its okay" i said   "he k-kissed you" he tensed again. "you rejected me." i said coldly. I walked away i felt the tears.   I could feel him burning a hole in the back of my head. I left him while he was calm... I entered the restroom and cried again... I walked out to find andrew, he held me, and i held him. Its like he knew what was wrong with me, he knew that i wasnt okay... I opened my eyes while hugging him. And i saw Adrian, making out with a girl... My world crushed . Everything crushed.. I tightened, Andrew noticed and looked where i was staring. He realized it. He let me go, trying to coprehend, he didnt seem mad, he just seemed like he was trying to put things together, i collapsed to the ground. And boom. Everything went black.   'flash back' "Saffire! Saffire!" my brother screamed   "haha, yes" i twirled him around.   "your back!!!" the two of them screamed   I giggled at them, all excited, jumping in the air. I got on my knees and closed my eyes embrassing them. Than i didnt feel anything in my arms. I heard voices. A tornado. W-What!?   "Saffire, saffire" i heard my brothers scream in terror   I ran as fast as i could and i could never reach them they just screamed my name   "SAFFIRE.. SAFFIRE. SAFFIRE"   "Saff.   Adrians p.o.v -fire, saffire!!" I screamed, seeing her like this hurt. I saw her open her eyes in terror.   "NOOO!" she screamed, looking panicked.   I grabbed her into a hug, Andrew beside me, he felt tense. Good.   "M-my brothers. Tornado, help." she said all at once   "shh, shh it was just a dream" i said putting my hands through her hair.   She looked at me and let go.   "b-bastard. You get jealous. I calm you down, than you make out with a girl right in front of me!!!!" she yelled at  me, i see where i deserved that.   "You were hugging Andrew!!" i yelled back, andrew left the room quietly.   "He saw me crying!! He understood, how i was feeling, he hugged me, i told him nothing of what happened, and he understood me HES NOT EVEN MY MATE AND HE UNDERSTOOD ME!!! Adrian, he was just comforting me. Than theirs ou making out with some blonde right infront of me." she cried.   I stood there in silence. How foolish ive been. I love her. I know i do... When i sa her collapse, i panicked, i pushed my uhm friend, lets say and ran to her, i picked her up and took her to the hospital, i noticed andrew following. i just didnt care. I looked at her, tears on her face... Foolish.   "Im sorry." all i coul say.   "Y-You rejected me.." she said.   "I did. Now i know. i love you." she looked puzzled.   I kissed her. She didnt respond for a few seconds but than she did, i bit her lip asking for entrance, and she granted it, i picked her up and walked out that hospital room. I put her in the car, thats when i let go.   "We are not doing this in a car." i said catching my breath. "Y-yeah" she said   I got in the car and drove.   "Where are we going?" she asked   "Payson, i have a cabin up there, we needa get away" i said smiling   "uhmm school?" she said smiling   "dnt worry babe" i smiled   She blushed,   "babe.." she said   " yeah?" i say   "stop the car." she says. With fierce in her voice. Woah.   I pulled to the side, outta no where the seat went down, and i find her on top of me, she kissed me passionatly than fierclly, i felt my manhood, slowly lift up and im guessing she did too because she giggled and slowly wiggled her ass. Damn.   "not funny." i managed to say.   "very" she winked at me.   I grabbed her, and i got on top. My turn. I gave her a smirk and ripped her shirt, she looked offended.   "ehem. this was my favorite" she said cheesily.   " too bad" i said   I unhooked her bra. Amazing. I looked at them in shock. Huge. H-Huge. I was mindblowm, she giggled and pulled me into a kiss, i put one hand, grabbing her boob, and the other teasing her cookie, yes lol i call it a cookie, she bit her lip, trying hard not to moan, damn shes so sexy. She unzipped my pants, and started to yanno rub "it",  i kissed her hungrily, than i bit her, making my mark, i can tell it hurt, but than satisfction came in, she kissed me hungrily, i gave her the "can i" look and she nodded her head. I put my manhood inside her. Thrushh. She was in pain i could tell, i kissed her saying sorry, she said its okay, one more time. 'Again, thrushh" Damn shes tight. my wolf said. I kissed her, than went faster and faster, she started moaning loudly, i kissed her, she started to kiss me on my neck, i moaned, damn. Than next thing you know. We finished at the same time. I slowly backed out... and i layed her next to me, she had her head on my chest and her hand i held her in my arms. The best time ive had, in my entire life, i began to close my eyes... Drifting to sleep.   "saffires p.o.v" Woah is all i could say, did this reallly just happen, virginity gone. Poof. I cudddled with him, knowing he is my life now. I noticed he was asleep and i kissed him on the cheek, and slowly drifted to sleep... 1 year..   "Babe" he said   "yeah?" i say yawning   "were here" he says chuckling at my face.   I got out the car and saw a huge cabin, i think we were in payson.. yeah that was it. I saw a creek at the bottom, i grabbed his hand and went through some trees, i love nature... I saw the water and touched it, it was cold, but it was also hot, about 87 degrees out a litte colder than usual but still. I started following the water by the side lines, adrian still hand in hand.   "Uhmm, can we at least shower, pack and all that, and than go for a hike" he said smiling.   "oh uh yeah sorry aha" i said   We walked back i was sad cuz i wanted to continue but later. I packed all my things and got in the shower than the door opens to my surprise, its adrian. Aha.   "Babe out" i said.   " nope"he says opening the curtain  i cover my bare body   "babe really" he squinted at me   "Im insecure" i say laughing a little   He grabbed me and i was still a little shy about my bare body in the light. He looked at me with his face surprised and kissed me. "Your the most beautiful girl ive ever known" he says   I kissed him back, i than let go.   "Let me take a shower sheesh" i said giggling   I washed my body and so did he, i heard music, and i barely noticed it..   "The song?" i say   "oh theres a radio in here" he says, i nod my head.   'light up, dont know how i did it my heads kinda spinnin, light up, i wont be forgiven, my life is forbidden they say its a miracle, sometimes i dont even know if im wrong or right, i try to drown the sorrow that surfaces every night im moving at a speed that makes everyone look slow, what happens if i let go, their aint no way your pulling me down, I recharge to speakers and sounds, its okay it isnt your fault, everything is alright, take me to a place i know, anywhere that feel like home, somewhere that if i let go, someones gunna catch my soul" I sang while Rinsing my body. The shower stopped. So did the music. I looked up to see adrian staring at me in shock ..   "uhmm..?" i said   "You sing" he said surpried   "I do??" i said confused   "wow, you have a voice." he says still surprised.   "thanks" i say awkardly.   I got out the shower changed into my bathing suit than clothes on top, as so did adrian. Except he wore his shorts as shorts. We walked off down the creek and saw a place where we could actually i swim. But you had to jump to get int he water, unless you wanted to climb all these rocks. I held his hand and closed my eyes.   "1..2..3" we said, than jumped.   I screamed in the air and he pulled me into a hug, and immidietly, the water hit us, cold, refreshing, i felt sand, at my toes, i was still in that hug, that warmed me, in cold water, he kissed me.. we swam. and swam. Its beautiful here.   After an hour or so, i layed on a part where it was like wet sand. Adrian layed next to me..   "Babe" he said   "Yea"? i say   "1 year." he says   "marriage?" i say smiling, actuall happy at the thought.   " yea" he said, i questioned if he was still going along with it   " and?" i say   " well... do you agree to it?" he says   I sat there smiling nodding yes. I jumped on top of him and kissed him..   2 days later   "Were home" Adrian yelled   His parents came rushing out, oh thank god, i thought you two were so devasted you killed eachother, they said, we laughed, Adrian kissed me on the fore head, actually the exact opposite he said, While pulling me up stairs, i lyed down super tired... and fell asleep.   2 months later   "Baaabeeee, wake uppp"  i say basically screaming   "Okay okay," he says.   "Babe" he says   "Yes lazy butt" i kiss him on the cheek.   "Happy 2 months" he smirked at me   "You know what that means" i say winking   "A long good date equals, long and very good sex" he grinned hoping   "Long date yes, sex, maybe" i smirked   he laughed, i got ready for school, i decided to walk. Adrian of course came running with, i smiled, He is not an outside person.   "Babe" he says   "yes" i say   "can we take a pic" he said shyly "yess" he doesnt like pictures so i never bothered asking, so im surprised and happy.   This is the pic.. damn bae   I loved the pic, we walked to school. He kissed me and went to his classes and i went to mine our classes switch every semester, and i only have him in my last class sadly and lunch.   best friend??? mate trouble???   I walked into class and looked to see theres a new face, well not new face if anything old face. ANDREWW! i screamed and gave him a hug, he chuckled,   "Well someone missed me" he said   "well duh!" i say   Andrew, the one who comforted me, when adrian rejected me. He left for two months, we became close, but now hes different, way hotter, not hotter than adrian but still. Hes back! I backed out from the hug and smiled at him, i can feel my wolf urging at me, but i didnt feel like talking to her, i looked at him, and i had this urging feeling? It wasnt as strong as adrians but still... Adrians my mate tho.. Could we have 2 ? No.. Bur Andrews human. Im so confused. I poked Andrew still grinning and when i did a flash of feelings went through me, problem is they werent my feelings, i put them together Love. Confusion. Regret. Happiness. They were his feelings. "sorry g2g Andrew see ya soon" i said and just walked out confused. I walked to go Tell adrian, and off i went.   End of school   Okay, im gunna tell Adrian.. Right when i was about to speak to Adrian, I saw a girl on him.. I remembered her.. His old ex his first love... BOOM. A kiss, they kissed. I walked madly. Pissed, I pulled her off.   "happy 2 months, asshole" i said screaming. The hall went quiet.   "Saf-saffire, im sorry it j-just hap-" i cut him off.   " Screw the wedding. Screw it all really." i slapped him tears going down my face i turned to his ex.   "Congratz, you can have him again. I guess he never lost feelings for you" i say walking away.   I ran to the school exit, tears in my eyes, i could hear Adrian just screaming my name i ran faster, but i ran into Andrew, he just pulled me ina fast hug, and i stayed there crying, and crying. I heard a growl.. Shit. I backed away and turned to him.   "You have no reason to be mad at andrew, hes comforting me, hes a friend, how pathetic is it, that my friend comforted me instead of my own fucking soul mate, huh adrian, tell me TELL ME! My own  mate, cheated on me, kissed his ex in front of me, you.. you bastard" I screamed, pushing him. I glanced at Andrew who looked pissed. Tears strolling down my face.   "EXACTLY! Im your mate, that will never change, you can never be able to love that dick face" he pointed to andrew. Andrew began to walk over here.. great.   "No andrew, stay over there, please lemme handle this." he listened thankfully   "You, you bastard, have no say.! Why was i so unlucky to love such a man whore like you! Why you! Exactly im your soul mate, yet look at you, yur still making out with whores, nothing ever stops you. Ugh i cant believe i actually fell for all your words, i cant believe you!!" I started hitting him on the chest. He grabbed my wrist.   'Im sorry! What do you want me to say!? Just cuz were arguin, you dont go to that sick bastard" he said   "Guess what," I pulled away.   "This isnt no argument. You cheated... Also, i have 2 mates. You and Andrew, hes my human one... Its rare. Very rare. I even have a power now... No worries, ill pack my shit and get the hell outta your house." i said... He grabbed me.   "LET HER GO" Andrew yelled.   In one glance, andrew got on top of Adrian and started punching, poor andrew. Adrian quickly threw him off and grabbed him by the neck and ht him towards the locker. "STOP!" i cried. Nothing. Boom. One hit to andrews face, than another, Blood. One other.. Andrews knocked out cold, i run to him. Yes hes breathing. Im  on my knees crying.   "Why just why?" i cried. That minute i saw sympathy in adrian.   "Just keep in mind, you still have to marry me." he said roughly. sympathy gone.   I cried and cried. Than got up and looked at him.   "I rather kill myself." i said coldly than away i walked...   Adrians p.o.v "I rather kill myself." she said coldly i let her walk away.   What tf is wrong with me. I looked at Andrew, on The ground, badly i just wanted to kill him. Hes her other mate. Ive only ever heard of having 2 mates once... Its rare, especially her power. Rare. I can read minds... She reads feelings. Shit. I hit the locker remembering Miranda, my first love. Shes to blame. No... its my fault... Ugh. Shes just so hot, not hotter than Saffire, but hot... She just seduced me, and i-i just kissed her yanno... Than saffire saw, and the pain in her eyes, a pain in my heart. I ignored it.   "Ill pack me shit-" shit. I remmebered her words.   I ran to the house and saw Saffire still walking. She seemed depressed, i heard her thought   'I dont know what to do, i cant, maybe itd be better off if im dead. maybe, life would be easier, i love adrian, i can only see andrew as a friend, mate or not... Adrian just doesnt love me... Im a gonner. Im done im tired...." she thought. No.   No! i screamed inside my head   "No!!" i screamed. Than she screamed   "Yes." after she calmed down.   "I love you, i really do saff"   "Than why cheat!!"   "It just happened"   I felt a pain in my heart and i can tell she felt the same because she fell to her knees, i quickly grabbed her, the curse of the mates... When we argue, the more we argue, that pain in your heart gets stronger.   "i-im sorry. I love you" i coughed.   "Im to ugly, to be loved" she said.   I felt weak. Just than, got the pills out of her bag, and just swallowed them.  "NOOO, SAFFIRE" I screamed,    I used every inch of strength i had, to grab her, fuck that, i transfomed, and put her on my back, I ran to the house, my dads a doctor he'll know what to do   "Keep your eyes open, keep breathing" I thought.   I finally got there.   Hours passed   Im just waiting to see if she'll make it or not.. My eyes were puffy, the pain in my heart hurt, i could barely move.   "Well son....   -shes alive." he said my breath, im breathing, i got up, and ran straight for the room.   "s-son. Shes not awake. Shes alive but barely. She wont wake up till another few days weeks, months maybe, she could wake up today but i doubt it." i took in his words. I went up to my room and sat and sat.   8 months before the wedding ive sat for 4 months, not leaving the room till saff wakes up, the pack needs me, but i cant, instead, my bestfriend took over. Its time, i heard my wolf tell me. I got up, everything weak, i havent ate, and i know i stink. Im weak very weak. I stink. Im skinny, yet my muscles dont go away, bags under my eyes and i just dont know how ugly i could ever get. I walk out the room. To see her dull expression laying down in the bed. I did this to her, I looked at her and slumped in the chair, the desire to kiss her... I cant. This isnt no sleeping beauty shit. I would know i already tried to kiss her it didnt work. She skinny too, heart still beating, i see flowers from andrew. Pissed. I ate, and ate, exercised ad exersiced. Back to school. Back to andrews bitch ass.   .......   I see him, i pushed him to the locker, his expression blank, everybody surrounding going quiet.   "Keep on sending flowers to MY GIRL, ill come back and rip you limb to limb." I growled slamming him against the locker.   "I dont think saffire would like that, now would she, to kill her bestfriend. You wouldnt" he smirked at me Thats it.   I picked him up.   "No i wont kill you. But ll make your life a miserable hell. Leave my girlfriend alone and stop sending her flowers. No fuck that my fianceeee. Shes mine."i said.   "I wouldnt have to send her flowers, if someoneee didnt make her so miserable." he snarky told me. This boy has balls.   That was it. One punch. Two punch. Third punch. Hes bleeding barely breathing. Good   "Dont make me start sending you flowers you dick." i growled.   I walked out, everybody silent. I didnt care. I thought about what he said. My fault. Yes... i know, the pain in my heart, is pounding. I got home, i couldnt take it anymore...   at my desires   I ran inside. Its killing me.. Everything its killing me. Im on my knees... Sitting by her bed i turn on the radio... Music, is not helping. "all were waiting, all will wait,as they go over. Held between heaven and hell. as their dancing.  As they dance. Over and over. Cold" I switched the radio... Shes not going to die. She will wake up... Another song began to play i closed my eyes "ive waited a hundred years, but id wait a million more for you... nothing prepared me for. The privlidge of being yours a do... If i had only felt, the warmth with in your touch" I reached for her hand and grabbed it " If i had only seen how you smile, when you blush. Or when you curl your lip, when you concentrate enough oo i would have known what i was living for, what ive been living for..." "What ive been living for saf.." i opened my eyes.. She looks weak, so fragile...    "stop feeling so sad for me, im okay, just tired"  A voice said in my head. ITS HERS, ITS HERS!!!!!   "SAFFF!!!!!" I yelled embracing her kissing her all over her face.   "shh.. t-tired.." she croaked yet smiled   "Baby im so sorry. so so sorry, i promise nevr again. Only you. Only us, i dont know what i was thinking I-i"   "shshsh... Its okay, you look weak... Tired." she sat up worried. I couldnt move, i had no energy.   "Can you even walk ?" she asked   "Y-yes, just get very tired, i collapse alot. I layed in bed the past 3 months." i saiy sheepishly   "Shower now." she commands, shes about to get up   "No, its okay lay down." "Idc, i am fine. Lets go."   She led me to the shower half way collapsing, i managed to keep myself awake.   Saffires p.o.v I felt his hand, i felt his feelings, and this song just makes everything ten times worst like sheesh. I was ina good mood for some reason, i felt tired. But okay, i looked at him, his heart beat was slow, extremely slow, worry over powered me, i couldnt talk much, so i decided to send him a mind thingy, lol. He instantly started kissing me, shivers from head to toe. God. I cannot get turned on not now. Good, hes not reading my thoughts. I wanted to ask how he was taking care for the pack, but i didnt bother. Hes been miserable. Weak, practically dying but how, why? I led him to the bath, knowing damn right he hasnt taken one ina while, and even if he did not right .  He was falling asleep as i led him up the stairs.   "Sit." i commanded. He sat on the toilet. 5 min later m back with a towel and hes asleep. Great.  I took off his shirt, i can see he had no energy in him. I took of his pants, than his under wear, for some reason i didnt really mind, it felt normal to me.   "Hey, wake up, get in babe." I tapped on him, and he awoke.   "Did you undress me?" he asked containing his laughter.    "Yes, since youre lazy ass was asleep. Now hurry in." i said tring not to laugh but failed miserably   "I love it when your in charge" He whispered seducivly in my ear, sent shivers down my spine.   "Not now." i said knowing im turned on   He got in, and god how i wanted to join in. Than get in, the dirtyer your thoughts get, the more i wont be able to contain myself. "Reading my thoughts, really." i told him, he smirked at me   "Are you smirking at me, mr. Kingston" I said   "I dont know am i, soon to be Mrs. Kingston" He winked.   I bit my lip and began to wash him.   "Stop." he said   "What?" i say   "Stop biting your lip." he said   "aha why?" i  didnt notice i was stilll doing that.   "because-" At that moment he just kissed me, he took off my hospital dress ew. How un attractive. Lol. He pulled me in the water, and i laughed.   "You dont know how badly i missed you." he whispered in my ear.   Thats it, i began to kiss his neck, i ran my fingers through his hair, i and kissed him hungrily, i wanted this as bad as he did, believe me. I felt his erection against my stomach, oh god..   "Im going to have you" He said   He kissed my neck and sucked on my collar bone i immidietly started to moan. Damn, i would love to wake up like this every morning   "mm that can be aranged" he said, damn my thoughts.   He slipped in side of me, and oo i cant explan how i felt, everything i desired. Feels like forever. God damn... We both were at our finsihing points. I turned on the radio, while we began to bathe. I sang loudly not caring "lullaby lullaby lullaby, aint nothing wrong falling in love. Aint nothing wrong,lullaby lullaby lullaby, im gunna be im gunna be everything youve dreamed. Im gunna sing oh so sweet, boy you make my heart skip a beat." I changed it. Eh song gets annoying "babe, your singing at the wedding right?"  he says "nah, im not really comfy with that" i laugh "hmm" he says i turned off the shower and got out, as did he, i felt hands on my hips, and a kiss on my cheek "i missed you" i said   "You missed me, i was awake suffering, hating life without you" He chuckled...  at my desires   "Ilove you" i close my eyes   "I love you." he said kissing me...   arrival yet dissapearable   I got to school, with adrian hand in hand, the day went by quick full of welcome backs, glad youre okay. Andrew avoided me. Ive seen miranda and Adrian talk a couple times, ive kept my wolf down.    2 weeks later   Me and adrian got into an argument. So im walking to school alone. The argument was miranda. Theyve been hanging out a lot lately i mean come on... I got to school and saw miranda and adrian hugging she saw me and smirked. reading her lips 'hes mine' she said lip syncing. I got pissed, i could tell adrians feelings were symapthy, she probably pretended to be sad. Than she flipped me off. I got over there   Grabbing her by the hair she fell outta adrians arms onto the floor me pinnign her, i growled, as did she. Shes a wolf. I hear adrian yelling at me but i dont wanna hear it.   "You know what bitch, i am tired of you, he is not yours you whore deal with it, no matter what he'll always love me. Deal with it." i screamed. 3 punches later and shes on the floor bleeding and crying   I turned around and walk away, i knew adrian was gunna help her up   "Help her up and its done." i turned around   He helped her up. "Rejection." he said he looked away. I smiled the best i could turned around and walked away.   I started to run a while after, i felt the rejection hitting. I tripped and fell into a grassy area. I saw one flower. It was a Orchid... it was bent broken and torn   "So pretty, so delicate, yet so misunderstood, and so unloved." i whispered.   I got to the house..   "Uhm Saffire, i am sorry, but the weddings off and uhm, your going to stay here still because uhm, your moms outta town and we have no idea where.." she said. I nodded    Trying to comprehend, i knew my world was tearing down... I walked in the room and boom. Adrian on top of Miranda. I smiled and walked inside holding the tears inside. I got my bags and started to pack, I dont know where im going. But i know its far far from here. Adrian was pulling up his pants, while miranda was sitting on the bed smiling.   "uhh.. where are you going?" he said in a bored way.    "Does it matter?" i snapped   "i know youre moms outta town"he said   " as for that, you have no where, so where are you going." he snapped   Ugh i swear. Im pissed I turned around and faced him "somewhere, your not." i say   He couldnt read my thought no more since we broke apart. I was done with my stuff, he followed and grabbed me in the hall way.   "where" he said   "as if you care" a ttear slipped down my cheeck. His feelings were full of worry..   I pulled away and ran down stairs   "Thank you mr and mrs kingston but i cannot stay here. I just cannot" i said givving each of them a hug   They nodded tears filled in there eyes, , i felt them put something in one of my bags, i didnt bother to check i just walked out the door. I turned into wolf form and ran into the woods... disappearing.   Adrians p.o.v                                                                 "where" i said boredly trying to sound whatever bout it when really i was worrying, i knew she could sence it.    "As if you care." she said. I saw the tears. Damn. she pulled away.   What the hell was i thinking bringing miranda in here to yanno... Shit. I saw miranda on the bed smiling. I cant let Saff get to me. I shouldnt care. 'shes your soulmate' my wolf said Ugh. I dont care, i walked in the room to finish what we started. I tried, and i tried, i felt no pleasure in this, my heart pounded and dissapointment hit. Why did i do it... Oh yea to prove i was a fucking man. To prove, she didnt own me... Thats why i left her. But i heard jelousy in her voice. Man i already went thru hell with out her, why do i keep doing this I reached my finishing point and told miranda to get out, she stumbled, and just to be  nice i walked her to the door. My parents stared at me hard core. "What.?" i said. shit.   They ignored me. I just went to bed fuck this.   .....................................................................................................   I walked in the school to notice only miranda by my side, no sign of saffire. Ugh i dont care.                                                      "hey guys" i said sitting down at the table, miranda voluntarily sits on my lap. really. They stared hard core at miranda, in disgust.   "Uhmm is there a problem" i say.   "Wheres saffire" alex says. damn.   "She left" i said   "where?" they said   I shrugged my shoulders, i know they liked saffire, not like that but they all treated her like a sister, they didnt like miranda but i didnt care.   "What do you mean you dont know" alex growled   See alex cared for her most, so did dallas, hes quiet, tho i can sence he wants to rip me apart rn.   "She left." i say   "with her old fam?" alex and dallas say hopefully   "no one know where her family went." i say smiling   "So your trying to fucking tell me, you just let her go, alone!!!!" Dallas yelled. This surprised me   "i fucking offered her to stay, she didnt want to." i yelled right back   "Oh baby, calm down, she was only mad that you rejected her, and than she comes home to find us making love." miranda says, putting her hand on my shoulder. Shit. Dumb bitch.   "YOU WHAT!!!???" all the boys yelled standing up   "I cant believe you, were going to look for her" alex said   "No your not, im alpha, Obey!" i say, my wolf coming out.   "Alpha, really knows how to treat his damn pack." alex says   "remember shes omega, and luna. Part of the damn pack. Understand ALPHA" he says.   "Yes i do know, she chose to leave the pack." i say   "No she left you." Alex had balls.   "I left her" i yell " i am man." i say. damn wolf.   "Says the man that dont know how to treat a woman. A man is a guy, who has respect, not going round fucking hoes." and that was it, he walked out .....................................................................................   The guys still ignoring me, barely went to school, to damn busy looking for Saffire... I know, i was wrong... My own parents are ignoring me. Shit, where the hell is saffire. I know i fucking miss her ass so damn much. Ive looked for her time to time, but never wandered to far, there was a very new powerful pack in the woods, that worried me for saff. If i dont find her. The boys will find her.   Alex's p.o.v   I am so pissed at Adrian, i mean ive been pissed for a fucking while, who the hell does that, dont get it twisted, me and saffire, are close... Ive been out looking for her, for A  year now, all the guys are worried. I know shes not dead, because than adrian would be crying like a bitch, and his body aching. He seems fine, tho i can tell hes hurting, he has bags under his eyes, like hes hopping bitch to bitch. I dont want that. I needed a story, a track something to know where she went, Shit, How can i be so stupid. Sence.... I ran to Adrians house Banging on his damn door "WHAT THE FUCK!?" I heard him say He opened the door pissed than confused to see my face "Oh uh.. Wassup foo? he says   "Did saffire leave any things here?" i say   "Uhm i dont think so, but you can look" he says blankly. He looks like hell   I ran up stairs and looked in all his drawrs, I found one of her shirts, i smelt it, weird but yes. lol, she smelt like flowers and love. She really did love his dumb asss. I caught her sent and ran out the house, howling...   the life i made.   Saffires p.o.v I ran into the woods, not looking back, the memory hitting me as hard, ive never felt this pain before, something inside feeling so physical, my stomach an empty pit. My heart ripped and burn to ashes with no savior. I ran...   1 year later   I made a life for myself. I once an omega, now an alpha... how? hah, well see this is how, on my run, ive met hundreds of wolfs that were rejected, or kicked out of the pack. I formed a pack, called it, no called us, The toska pack, it stood for  its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody or something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom  .It basically stood for the hopeless. Some called us the lost ones, others called us the wild ones. We were the largest, most powerfullest pack in the world, may i say dangerous. Deep inside the woods, i reconstructed, all of us did, making a home for us, as for that no one went thru the woods, afraid. I was heartless. And i showed no mercy to the ones who wanted to hurt me, or any of us... I grew in the past year. My frizzy hair now beach curls. Once brown hair, now a light bronze. Blonde in sunlight. My heigh. The same. Curved a little more in my body, my eyes grew bigger once a brown, now a hazel. I have 2 best friends the ones that know everything about me. Aurabella, and johnny. Dont get me wrong, i missed my old pack, i missed alex and dallas the most. Lies... I missed adrian the most. On the full moons where mates called eachother, i heard him call. I never went, trust was a hard thing to earn from me now a days. I ran to my wood house, back from a morning jog, i got into the shower, closing my eyes while memories flashed through me.... Pain yet love.. so complicated. Aurabella and johnny, were out casts, they left there packs and came here, they also found there mates here... I smiled at there hapiness.  As for me, i am strong. Happy, no. Strong yes. I got out the shower put on a jump suit, it was a silk black, long sleeved, stuck to my body showing my curves. I walked outside. Called a pack meeting. As for the life i formed myself and houses, have a look. Im sure its not what you expected, im sure you expected somthing dark well nope. We cleared a part deep in the woods. I continue on expanding. These pasts few months have been harsh, a few. No many of our wolves had died. Fire... Right now i onky have 203 members in my pack. And the second largest packs is 198, Thats adrians.... In the center of the field, my wolfs stood. I stood on a higher hill, given the fact that i am short.   "Wild ones" i smile at the words   "Or for some call us the lose, i perfer the found" My pack smiled   "We lost a lot of members a couple months ago we were at 245 now to 203..." I looked down   "I am sorry, i failed-" i was cut off by a howl. A familiar one. Alex.   "No guys, no attack, everybody inside the cabins, ill continue later, i know this wolf." i say smiling   They all respect my wishes, and do as i say, i run to the howling, oh how i missed him,, i felt joy and i knew it was him. I was happy, yet disappointed it wasnt adrian, than again. No.. I say to myself. I see Johnny and aurabella following me.   "I can handle myself i know this wolf please. Leave" i command.   "Saff please le-" i cut bella off   "Dont call me that" i growled   "please go" i say wishfully. They do as i say.   I ran faster, and saw him in wollf form, i attacked him with a hug   "ALLEEXXX!!!" i scream laughing, startled his face went from horrid, to joyful. He changed to human form, naked. He grabbed some clothes from his bag and put them on, this no longer bothered me. Ive seen men change lots, when my pack hunts. ust something you have to get used to. "OMG, Saffire!! How the hell did you survive out here, this is toska territory" he says hugging me " Well of course you wouldnt know about it, the packs new, sorta" he says   "Uhm.. Thats because im alpha. Hah" i say sheepishly He looked at me in amazment, "Youve grown sis, in features of course" I hit him playfully   "Not funny you ass" I giggle... How it feels good to laugh   "How did you manage to form this pack." he asks   I took him by the arm pulling him back to where my home is, explaing everything the way there. Once i got there, his face was priceless.   "This is the place i built for me and my pack, would you like to meet them, there very kind" i grin   "Oh really, from what i hear there wild, and heartless. They kill with no mercy" he says   "That isnt my pack, they bring me the people who try to hurt any of us. I give of course the people to explain why they were here. They want my place. I kill. Ive changed" i say lifting my head.   "I can see that" he says nudging me   "would youu like to meet them?" i ask again   "sure" he says   I howl, they come out growling   "Play nice" i shout   "Not an enemy, a visitor" i say smiling   "why didnt you just say that" aurabella and john both say, i laugh   "Im aurabella but call me bella" she says giving him a hug   "Im johnny but call me john" he shakes his hand   "Its been a while since i seen saff so happy, who are you to her" john says   "Some what of a brother"he smiles looking at me   "These are my best friends, and this is the rest of the pack" i say   They all wave and returned to there usual day lives.   "They really are nice" alex says "why yes, they are, so what did you need to find me for" I say "Adrian." he says whisperly "He sent you" i say in disbelief "Sorta... hes been miserable. I see bags under his eyes, he always smells like liquor, please help him, please saff, tonights a full moon, call to him" he says   "No way in hell is she doing that" bella yells " That bastard hurt her." she says, i look down   "Hes still my mate, bells..." i say in defeat. I need him.   "No." she says   "Are you commanding me" i say in shock   "Listen, it is her mate, leave it to her" alex says. i nodd   "Listen bells, i havent been happy in a year, i need this,.. I need him, if all this time i knew he didnt care, than i woulda left it alone, but bvious enough, hes been miserable." i say "Alex, hows the pack going?" i say   "Terribly. We on have 104 now..." he says   "shit. Would you all like to join the pack" i say smiling   "You know adrian, would never let you be alpha" he says. True.   "We can both be alphas, i sure there can be some kind of agreement." i say   "mm, we can try" he says   "If not than, i sure as hell aint leaving this pack, and all my hard work for him. If he damages me even more, i will have to start over. I do not want that" i say   "Now that sounds like the saff i know" john winks, i laugh   "Well... Nights coming... Start the bonfires bae" i say to bella   "Im on it" she winks at me "John set up the food" i say, he does it   "Everyone else, set the tables and chairs" i yell so they all could hear me.   "You really do rule hear." alex says   "Im not crule to them, i care for them all..." I say.   Just in that moment, a girl, small she looked fragile, and frightened. My two biggest wolfs, alaric and derek, brought her to me   "I found her trying to get in alpha." he says, he gives her to me.   I suck up my sympathy, and look at alex, staring at the young girl... Shit... Mate. He looked at me pleading not to kill her... I wont   "What are you doind here, dont you know it is dangerous young girl" i say She looked away from alex "y-yes, ma'm, i uh... I was the maid of my old pack, always mis treated... Guess it happens to the ugly ones" alex let off a low growl   "I just wanted a part in this pack, hoping id gain some strength" she says, standing up tall.   "Well hun, do you know you found your mate here too" i smile   "im to ugly for a mate" she says looking at alex   "Believe me, your not," he grins, hugging her and kissing her cheeck. This girl had a goreous smile   "Well hun, a few touch ups, and believe me you are gorgeous, and also welcome to the pack" i say   She was so happy she hugged me, the girl was my height   "name?' i say   "Oh, sorry Delilah" she says   "Fits you well" alex winks   "flirt." I say laughing   "age?" i say                                                                            "16" she says. Young one. Alex was 18 by the way he was grinning i can tell he didnt care.   " well ima get changed, leave you two love birds to it. Ill howl at midnight " i say             Time to stop running. I walked up the steps and into my house. There i find my brothers, mother died in a car accident... I found my brothers at the police station, there wolf abilities caused them to heal quickly.    I gave them a hug, and told them to go upstairs and change, the bonfires were setting up, they giggled and ran up. I walked to my room to get ready,  I left my natural curly hair as it is, did my make up and put on a random dress, no really caring, thou i should. But i wont. I ended up looking like this     My curls, were wavy since brushed them out...   4 hours later   I was enjoying the bonfire, but than alex pointed at his clock... Here goes nothing.   I howled as if my life depended on it, i howled louly, yet no one heard me... Till i heard someone howl back...   I ran towards the person, ran as fast as i could, not looking back. I could hear followers, and i growled them  away knowing i could go faster, Miles and miles, i hear other steps, slowing down, as for i. Did not stop. The sent intoxicated me though slight alcohol, filling my auroma, feeling the feelings around me i sensed everything. Love, wonder, longlessness. Boom, i felt a warm arms around me, thou i never thought id ever feel them again. I put my arms around that man, wrapping my legs around him. Knowing he was weak he'd fall to the ground   "God damnit, i fucken missed you stupid ass" i said between kisses I heard a chuckle, i havent heard in so long, that laugh that surrounded me with love.   "Im sorry, i j-" i cut him off   "Shut up." I say "Come with me asshole" i say jokingly.   And of course, he did as i say. I grabbed him by the hand, pulling him i tugged him,knowing he was weak and by all that he run, he wouldnt be able to go on, Turning into wolf form, my wolf was much bigger now. Why dont i just show you Alphas are black wolfs... I have white because i was not a true alpha, just a made one. I huffed for Adrian to get on, while he stared at me in astonishment,   Xaviers p.o.v I was just about to have my 23rd glass of wine, until i heard a howl... My howl, her howl. I howleed back, while i slurred around, trying to run, than i gained energy, and ran howling, i didnt bother changing into wolf forming, knowing she wasnt either, i ran and ran miles, knowing she left far through out the year than boom she crashed into me, i hugged her tightly, wondering if this was a dream. It was dark i could barely see her, i definitley did smell her, i smelt confidence, and power. Wondering how she wrapped her legs around me, i wasnt so weak, but i fell to the ground wanting her on top of me, and knwoing that is exactly what she wanted i heard those honey words speak   "God damnit i fucken missed your stupid ass" she said, trying to sound serious yet smothering me with kisses in between, i laughed   "im sorry i j-" she cut me off telling me to shut up. I was surprised   "Come with me asshole" she said trying to sound serious damn right she wasnt.   I was weak tho,and from all the energy ive been wasting i couldnt any longer. Im guessing she knew this, she dragged me by the hand,  i couldnt continue. She knew this too. She changed into wolf form. WHAT THE HELL SHES BLACK. I was astonished tho i saw white speckles, she was a made alpha. Not meant to be, but made into one.... Alpha of which pack, i thought? I knew what she wanted so i hopped on her back,damn she one big wolf. Almost as big as me... I thought. She ran even longer miles, going deeper into the forest, damn. How in the fucking world is she alive. Than i saw trees clearing up, i hopped off her, and her turning into human form, she was naked. My erection building damn, the lights hit her, as she put on her clothes how is she not ashamed, shes not shy no more... WTF?. I stare at her, shes gotten even more beautiful. Was the possible. Her curves even curvier, she was slimmer yet thick. Flat belly, I saw a piercing with a wolf hanging and a tattoo on her wrist saying freedom with birds than another one on her ear, well in back of it saying toska... Shes alpha of the most powerful pack. Tho this should anger me, i find myself proud of her. Thick thighs, boobs not too small, not too big, perfectly round, make up ina perfect cat eye, with gorgeous eyes she almost seemed un real. Her ass, bubble butt as always, waist big as she put her dress on. Her hair no longer frizzy, instead into natural curls, no longer brown instead a bronze, beautiful. Lips fer perfect face, cheeck bones damn. Best part her smile, damn the way she smiles with two dimplez on the side. Finally fully dressed, my erection still grown   she giggled "Put that away, these girls will look at it likr a prize" she laughed coming to me by grabbing my hand. Still in shock, i allow her to drag me her. 'Alex?" i say, he looks at me smiling "Ahh i see saffire called you, thank god" he says greeting me i smile "so you are the one who found her?" i say not surprised "yes, adrian. Thats why i asked if anything of hers was here i sniffed her out" he laughed "Omg did i smell?" saffire in pure horror "Naww, it was a flower frgrance" he says laughing "Well you shall be rewarded" i nod to alex. Letting her pull me   "Adrian meet Aurabella and john" they eye me with hatred.    "Call me bella." she says blankly.   "You sir, can call me johnathan" he tells me coldly.   Saffire growls, one that even scares me, but also excites me.   "Nice." she snarles "Im giving him a chance, you guys should too" she says   "Your giving him another chance!" bella squeals "well in that case, haii" she gives me a hug, as i return   "Hello" i say with a smile   "Sorry, saffs my bestfriend.. Hey call me john" he patts me   "Hey" i say   "Adrian, can we talk?" saffire says sweetly, i nod she grabs my hand, pulling me to a very large h- cabin?   "Adrian" she says whispering   "Saffire"  i say   "seriously tho we need to talk"   "Im sorry" i say, thinking thats what its about, shes unreadable   "not about those things, i have no desire to talk about that."   "Wait okay, first let me get things straight your alpha, of the most powerful pack of the world.. h-how?" i say   "Welll.. see i ran, hurt, weak. The old me. And as i ran, i ran into johnny and aurabella, they became my best friends, we decided to form a pack on wolves we found alone and lost, or heartbroken.. Weak as we were, and become stronger together... Toska.... We named eachother, well you know the meaning already."she smiles weakly "Anyways, as i tryed to forget.. Hapiness never came. We found many wolves Many, hurt and desorted. At about 106 wolves we decided, to stop going from place to place and build. Tho power and confidence built in me, as  I changed, full moons, ive always hated, i cried tied up to the bed, trying to keep my self from heading to you. that got me strong. We all have scheduals, its not school. Its like a boot camp, but much nicer, easier. Oh and my powers, much more powerful, i can block anything from reading my mind, if your wondering, i can see peoples auras, and well. Strength definitley, and people feelings affect me much more now, so this pity thing you have please stop, itll affect me" she smiled giving me a hug...   "Well thats pretty much it.. you?" she says   "uhm.. pity pretty much describes me" i looked down shameful.         together   adrian   "dont say that." she tells me, she pulled me into a hug.   "No pity" i smile. as does she   "Ive been a terrible alpha." i say   "I know, 3 of your wolves came to me.. ive always had a way, to know about you.. always.." she says shyfully   I should be creeped out but nah, this was cute.   "man i was just a ghetto mixed girl. Talkin wit mah damn slant words, and sat quietly in the back of the damn room, but put up a fight if i had to, what happened?" she laughed "puberty" i couldnt help but laugh   "shut up" she playfully hit me   "i havent talked like that in so long, always big words" she said   "Okay well back to business" she says rubbing her hands together   "Come on girl, cant we just lay back" i say hoping   "after" she winks biting her lip   "Keep biting your lip and were gunna have to talk about business later" i grab her by the waist and she imedietly lets go of her lipp and loooks at me   "l-later, believe me i want it but this is important." she stutters, i laugh   "Ughh.. okay go for it"   "okay you know how your pack is sorta.. down?" she sayd                                                 "Yeah." i wonder where shes going with this   "Okay so my pack,  lost alot of members and well im alpha, and now that were.. well idk, but um. If we evem are together i know you'd probably wanna go back home.. and well i dont wanna leave my pack, an i know you wont wanna leave yours so..." she says quickly   "keep going" not sure where this is going. "oh and saf, were together" i say winking   "hah, well okay, well i want our pack to combine." she looked down   "uhh.. and im guesssing you wanna be alpha"  noy sure how i feel about this.   "No no, i want us to be co alphas" she says    "co alphas" i laugh "no ones ever done that before"  i say. she looked down sadly   "Im not leaving my pack." she says sadly.. damn. "its either you come be with me and our pack, or you leave. And stay gone" she whispers   "Look at me" i say "look. at. me." i say rather to rouphly   "What" she snaps   suddenly i crush my lips to hers, and next thing you know shes on the bed,and her dress is on the floor im kissing her everywhere and shes just damn. She seemed shocked but now she seems as needy a me, kissing me all over.   "I missed you" she pants   "i love you" i say between breaths and wit that we finish off   ............................................   "Baaaabe!" she growsls   "ughh what?" i say   "its morning. and you still didnt agree" she says seriously   "didnt the sex answer it" i say, giving her a cheesy smile   Suddenly she pulls me into a huge hug, and we go outside to announce the news.   saffires p.o.v   No one, can tell how i am inside. Im jumping. And excitement is just yass...!!!  "Wolves" i shout thru the micro phone, all run out and face me and adrian.   "I have an announcement. Today. We have more wolves joining us, we have many empty rooms, so greet them with welcomness. This pack was the moonlight pack, and they want to join us. If you are rude just because they are new or WERE from a different pack, you will be out. aside from that. I am not your only alpha." i joined hands with adrian. "His name is adrian. You will respect him. Not only because he is my mate, but because hes your alpha. And if you do their will be consequences. If you have problems with this you may leave today." I say. a bit worried people will leave. No one does. I sigh with victory and give adrian a peck. "You all may return to your scheduals" adrian says. "Now can we get to ours" i say with a wink "as much as id love to, i have things to pack' he says cheesily, i sigh, "fine" i laugh   ............................................... 2 months later... Saffires p.o.v   "B-babe, wake up" urgency in my voice. i heard and felt something that wasnt mine and adrian was asleep.. It was a heart beat... But one faster than adrians and faster than mine... We were sleeping, this heart beat.. was as if it was awake.   "Babe!!" i screamed, growling. "what ." he groaned. "shh, do you hear that" i say. hearing the heart beat getting slower "Yes your heart beat. Now go to sleep." he says annoyed. I punch him in the arm "No not just mine. T-theres two" i say scared. "y-ye- wtf." he says worried "You have 2 hearts?" he looks at me trying to joke. I slapped him on te stomach... I got up and went to the restroom. There was pounding on my stomach.. A-and... i lookd in the mirror i have gained weight... i work out every day. No it cant be.. Okay werewolves take faster in the womb. about 6 months  it is til labor.. so that means two months the baby should be m-moving.. "your lying" he says "I-i cant be. Im alpha this is too soon. i-i.. Its too dangerous..." i dont need any weaknesses. "Babe.. i-" i cut him off "Im pregnant" i say in barley a whisper. "no" he says. "Dont be stupid." i say. "WERE pregnant. Not just you" He says pretending to sound affended. I laugh "I love you" he whispers in my ear. "But how?" i say weve been protected. "Uhmm if the babys moving than your about 2 months. Sooo that means this was 2 months aho, which was about the time we got together. So probably the time we had sex when i first got back. And it just happened" oh yeah huh. We werent protected than.. "What are we gon do" i whisper "Have a baby" he smiles "Im gunna be fat" i scream. "Good" he says As for that he picks me up and off to bed we go...                                        Announcement   "Babe. I dont want anybody to know though" i said angrily. No way is anybody knowing my weakness. Got me fucked up. "Your so stubborn. Your gunna be showing anyway." adrian sounded annoyed. I didnt care. "No. Adrian,baby,listen. They cant know weakness." i say pleadingly "Well saff. Youre not gunna be able to hide for long. And training best believe is far off the line for you" oh no.. i cant spar. Just great. "Ill be inside the house" i smile "Your alpha. You cant" he says annoyed "pleeaseeeee" i say "No." bastard. "Heard that" he said amused "Bastard, get outta my head" i said a bit amused   He pulled me closer to him, grabbing me by the waist "What'd you call me" hes obviously still amused. "Not right now" i say wiggling out of his embrace "Fine" he says kissing me on the cheek "Now announcement" he says sturnly "K." i say walking out "Dont k. me! hold up" he says "already did,hurry up hoe" i say "Language." he says jokingly "Whateva" i say   He finally catches up to me and im already on the podium, calling my wolves or our lol.  "Slow ass mofo" i say "Your getting ghetto in public, thats a new one" he says smiling. I roll my eyes "might as well"   All wolves came "Well look who decided to come out." bella says smiling at me   "I have An announcement." I say.   Everone goes quiet.   "As you all know, i have not been feeling well.. and well other than that, we have a new pack member." adrian gave me a questingly look.   "Whos the new member" i hear yelling, hoots and all tha began giving me a headace, and i knew adrian could tell cuz he growled and it got all quiet again.   "What she means to say, is this pack member isnt born yet. You all need to stop yeling." adrian says. I looked down. And everybody began to realize. Bird brains. Next thing i know theres hugging. And crying, i was confused, all these emotions. "Conratz" i kept getting from people, no ones mad ?? hmm. Arrival " Fucking dick, you did this to me, all this pain, your never touching me again" she growled at me. I smiled and looked at the doctor while her heavy breaths were loud. "Isnt she charming, so beautiful" i smile and look at the doctor. He gives me a crazed expression. "baby" i say "What!" she snaps Im really enjoying this. shes panting and screaming, her wolf wanting to take over and shes holding on "I swear to god, once this is over im gunna kick your ass adrian" she screams. Than crying. 46 hours of pure labor, and shes out. I gave my wife, a huge kiss, and grabbed my baby girl. "Serena valeria knight" i kiss her on the fore head and give her to her mother. Whos finally calmed down. "I love you saffire" "I love you adrian"           2 years later... "Saff, its been 2 years. Dnt you miss your family." he says. god i know i being stubborn but im alpha and refuse to leave my pack here and have my beta in charge. I WILL NOT. "i have my own!" i say. God damnit im 23. And annoyed with a 2 year old daughter that is sleeping, i hope. Me and adrian done fight often but when we do it never ends well.  "Babe, please" he pleads. "Why is this so improtant to you?" i say. "i promised your little brother he'd see u again.." he says. I feel the pang in my heart, im being stubborn. I know that if i go i wont want to leave... I remeber when i was being forced to marry adrian, the funniest part about it is i never did. I wonder when he'll propose.. I found my mother. They said she went back home with my brothers. Turned out they had a vacation in cali.. i was relieved. "Okay. only because i know u iss your family, ya big softy." i jokingly punch him in the shoulder. "LETS GOOOO!" He screams. wait what? already? "i packed all your stuff already and serenas." he smiles. fucker knew id say yes. ' Yes this fucker that loves u so much knew you'd say yes' he says in my head. I look at him " get out of my head fucker" i say "oooooo mommy sad bad bad" serena says. of course she pops out at this moment. "Serena why arnt u in bed?" i say "Well mommy dadda sayshh we go bye bye" i glare at her father. "come on bby girl." i pick her up in my arms. And we head out. I tell the wolfs im out, and lets say im hoping aurabella wont lead them to bad or throw any parties. ' Heard that bish. i wont trust me' Stupid reading minds thingy. I get in the car and were off...   23 hours later.   Yepp thats how far i ran. It took 2 days for me to get here. personallly i run faster than a car but i also get tired. Im outside of my moms house. My little brother shaun now 10. and my other little one is 8. Will he hate me for leaving? ' he wont' Adrian reassures me. I grab his hand and tighten my grip on it. Serena on his shoulders. I ring the door bell. It opens and i rush in hugging my mother like ever before. "mommy" i say rather childish but right now i feel how much ive misssed her. and it kills me. She hugs back and i feel my shirt dampen shes crying. And so am i. She pulls away. My mom doesnt talk any more. She cant. I dont now why she just cant. She turns to adrian who is now smiling ear to ear. She sees serena. "Serena this grandma, call her ma, or nanny okay mamash?" i say. My mom does a huge smile, grinning ear to ear and nodding grabbing her grand daughter. I smile. "The boys?" i say She points upstaires and i grab adrians hand. next book coming soon                                                                 Delilah and Carlos    new book check it out authors note  a lot of people wanted me to continue. but i have no heart for this story. please check out my book on wattpad follow me innocence7202 Publisher: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG Implerstraße 24 81371 Munich Germany Publication Date: March 23rd 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-fi200bd15282f35 ISBN: 978-3-7368-3334-0

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-m-k-the-happiness-project/

M K The Happiness Project To the hero's who fight on and the villains who forgot they were hero's. We define who we will be tomorrow and I want to be the hero who believes that all is possible and not the Villain who believes that all is lost. Hold true to yourself and don't forget. The first step is remembering, but Don't forget yourself in the process. The Happiness Project~ I need to write and I am starting now. I have to talk about some things and I have to see them on paper. If I write them down, then they will not be hidden away. My memories will not only belong to me, but to anyone who wants to know them. I am sharing my life with you, and you could not care less. I am pretty sure you did not open this book to find these words. We all have an expectation for our lives and even each other. If you don’t like my character, my story and my words, then tear, burn, and throw away this story from your mind and write your own because I’m not here to make you happy. I am here to make myself happy. I am here today for me and that is strange to say. I’m going to call this, The Happiness Project. Or maybe I shouldn’t? If I were you and I read that title, I would open it believing that I could find some grand answer to the questions of my unhappiness. Well, these are the answers to my own questions and I will find the answers to them. Through my story, you might find the answers to your own questions. If you want to tag along, I don’t mind. In fact, I want you to listen. I need you too. Sometimes we don’t see our own solutions, unless an outside view helps us to understand. I need your eyes and even your words to do this. I am going to tell you everything that makes me insane. I have been feeling a little out of it lately. I see other people with problems and look at their little pills, and wonder if I should take them too. Wouldn’t’ t that be nice? To take a capsule of happy and forget why you wanted to take the medication in the first place? Maybe it wouldn’t be so fun and maybe I don’t need them. I need to focus on the truth and to learn from the truth. My head is filled to bursting. I am overwhelmed. I stress too much, I know that is all and I need to discover why through this project and to cheer up without picking up a bottle. The end of my last sentence concerned you, didn’t it? I want to pick up a glassy bottle and drink away to forget my problems. Maybe you do have a reason to worry, because I’m not talking about Cream Soda. But, I don’t need it completely either. I drink a beer at the end of the day, just because I can and I enjoy it. It has also been a crutch lately and I can feel it. But, that is why I started this project and I will find myself again. I feel lost sometimes. I am falling into my own mind and it is not comforting there. I think about everything. EVERYTHING. Do you understand? I think about what torments me, even if that is the dirty dishes lying in the sink. I let EVERYTHING torment me. I am helpless to let it happen. It is a mind set. How do you not think about your life and the things you worry about? I always want to change the outcome of things and It has always been this way. I first noticed my compulsive need to help others, when I was only six.   Snow White didn't listen~ My mom took me and my three sister to a play at the local high school in our small town. I had never been to a play before, EVER. I did not know what a play was, or even that they were actors, if you can believe that. We had lived in the country and we had only watched movies, but never a live performance of characters. The play was Snow White and I was ecstatic. I was not ecstatic because I loved the Disney movie, which I did, I was happy because I could finally save her! I am wondering if you are laughing at my six year old self, because I am. I had been deeply disturbed by the fact that Snow White had always been tricked by the queen and nearly killed, each time I watched the movie. I remember thinking, that if someone could only have warned her…then she could have been saved from so much pain. I wanted to be her hero, because no one else could. When the play started, I waited for the perfect moment to warn Snow white, because I had to make sure that the evil queen wouldn’t find out my plan. The actress was dressed up like a terrible witch, just like in the movie and I despised her with a hate that a child should not have felt. Snow White was so beautiful, even in real life, I had thought to myself. Me and the audience had found out that the queen was going to give a poisoned comb to Snow White, so that she would put it in her hair and that would make her fall into an eternal sleep. The queen would be arriving at anytime to give it to her! I remembered that I had to act fast! I jumped out of my seat and saw that Snow White was in her room, all alone and ready for me tosave her. I ran up to the stage and called her name as quietly as I could. I felt so triumphant when she bent down and turned to me to ask what I needed. I told her that the evil queen was coming to kill her and that she COULD NOT put that poisoned comb in her hair! She smiled at me and agreed that she would not do that and that she was happy that I had warned her. I told her several times that she was in danger, just in case she didn’t understand the severity of the situation. Now that I look back to this moment, I feel so bad for this actress. She was a high school student and I could not imagine how I would feel if a child interrupted my scene to tell me that I needed to stay away from the evil witch. She was very kind about the whole incident and I am thankful for that. I thought that I had warned Snow White and now, I had changed the future for her. I was extremely proud, until I watched Snow White take the poisoned comb and put it in her hair anyway. I remember that my chest filled with anger and then sadness as she died. I felt betrayed and a little foolish, because she had not listened to me. I had wanted to change the course of the movie so many times, that I had believed this was my opportunity to do it. Snow white did not listen to my warning, but she did survive in the end and that was all I wanted anyway. I cherish this memory, because it reminds me that I was so innocent once and I enjoyed believing that I could change anything I set my mind to. If sometime bothers me, I need to change it and if I can’t, at least I tried my best. The problem with me, is that I want to be a hero. I wanted to be the girl that saved Snow White. I can not save Snow white, because she has a destiny of her own to fulfill. She must suffer in order to be happy and so do I and I have in my own way. You may understand a little more about myself now and so let me continue on, with my Happiness Project. I will find my sanity again, come with me if you would like. I do not know where to start first. Should I start with the past? The present? I guess that depends on what is bothering me the most, now doesn’t it? I guess it would be better to show you who I am and how I became as I am. I am not a bad person, I do not personally think. I just have a problem in my mind and how I interpret the world. I live day to day, with an agonizing feeling that I am helpless in my circumstances. I feel as if I can help no one that needs my help. So, I do what I can and still think it is not enough. If I do tell you pieces of my life I promise, I will not tell you a long, drawn out story. But, I could if I wanted. I am not writing this for your entertainment. How will I help myself, if I am trying to make you happy? But I am conflicted because I hope that my writing does make you happy, that is also my goal, but besides that I do not take complaints. You can not know who I am through my own experiences, just like I can not know who you are by knowing yours. In our minds, our experiences and how we perceive and learn from them are unique. We will never be on the same level with each other, as we are with ourselves. But, I can try to show you. You can relate to me, because we are human. Fear of Living~ I am so tired of being afraid. I will not be afraid to speak, I will not be afraid to tell you that I do not care if you read this book or not. That is a hard thing to say, especially since I usually want everyone to read my writing. I wanted to be heard, but now I just need to hear myself. I don’t care if you think I’m rambling either, because I am. The first step to happiness, that I have discovered at this moment: Is not caring what other people think. I can only make myself happy and you can only make yourself happy in the end. Have you ever valued someone’s opinion so much, that you based your life around it? Doesn’t it feel terrible? It feels as if we are walking on egg shells that we are not allowed to break. It is a tormenting feeling, as if you are trapped in a situation that you won’t get yourself out of. That is exactly what it is, we are trapping ourselves in a situation that we are keeping ourselves in. If we don’t care about their opinions, then we are free. But, some of us are cowards and I mean me. We don’t want to be judged and when we are, we try to fix that aspect of ourselves that made someone feel compelled to judge us. But, if we can not change or do not want to change what we are being judged by, then why should we worry? I want to be who I am and I am who I am. So, at this moment I won’t hold back. I won’t care about your judgment. I am being honest today and It feels great to be brave for once. Try it with me and don’t tell me you don’t feel alive. I feel alive at this moment, so lets enjoy it together. The yellow house~   I think about the yellow house a lot. The yellow house, is my description of my childhood home. It is the first home I remember and it was extraordinarily beautiful. It had three rooms, many windows and a country side view for miles. There was a mile long stretch of pistachio trees across the road our house. I discovered nature at this home and my love of trees and of the stars. I loved our giant yard, with the towering trees and even the frightening sound of Coyotes howling in the distance at night and the shadows of the monstrous trees from my bedroom window. I have three sisters and they were my only friends. My life was very good. I always had food, a warm bed and the world to entertain me. I felt safe in that home and I was comforted by the Rose garden in the front and our six dogs. I loved the swing in the front yard and exploring with my sisters. Everything was perfect, until I noticed that it was not. Our mom was always home and she would spend her days reading us books, taking us outside to play, showing us flowers, trees and teaching us about the world. My favorite books was, “Good Dog Carl,“ if you have ever read it as a child, you understand. My mom always used to tell us scary stories too. My favorite was the Apple Tree Monster. It was a story about four little girls who go into a forest to pick the apples from the apple tree. As the little girls are picking the apples and having fun, the apple tree suddenly springs to life and says that he is going to eat them because they have stolen his apples. The little girls all run home and scream for their mom to save them. The mom rushes out of the house with a shot gun and BANG, blows up the tree and they all watch the tree and its apples fly into a million pieces. In the end, the mother get all of the apple pieces and makes enough apple pies to last them a lifetime. My mother was my hero, even as a child, so I loved that the mother in the story saved the day. I was always happy, like I said, until I noticed some things. I did not know it then, but my father had a drug problem. He was hardly ever home and I didn’t care as my sisters and my mom were there. When my father was home, he was angry. I remember one day, when my father was home and he had cooked dinner. It was dinner time and he called us all to the table. I didn’t want to go, so I dove into my moms closet and started getting out her pretty clothes and trying to fit In them. I got her red lipstick too and put it on my face and drew on the mirror in front of me. It was a lot of fun and I didn’t care about dinner. I was only three years old. Because I didn’t come, my father came and got me and he wasn’t nice about it. I remember that he yelled and I was afraid. The memory is fuzzy, as if I were in a dream. Nothing big happened, so I am sorry if I disappointed you. All that I remember, is that my mother did not allow him to take me away because I was happy doing what I was doing. I just sat on the bed crying and feeling that I had done something wrong. I felt strange and if I had done something VERY wrong. I know that my dad had overreacted and I was just a child, wondering why I could not continue to play. But, It felt different then ever before. Maybe it was because, the only time my dad talked to me, was when he was yelling. I don’t remember a time clearly, when he wasn’t unhappy. He was always nervous, pacing and frustrated that he needed to take care of us. That was when I first realized, that something was wrong in my perfect world. I will not explain everything little thing that upset me. Most of the things that happened, were moments when my father was a little too rough. He would pull our arms as he carried us, or even spank us when we didn’t do what he said. He was a fearful figure in my mind, although he never severely abused us and he never harmed our mother in a physical way. One memory haunts me and It is a memory from so long ago. It wanders into my mind very often and I need to get it off of my chest. It is a story that my sisters know well, at least three of my sisters because my youngest sister was not yet born. My dad was home this particular morning and me, my twin sister Eileen and my younger sister Victoria were sitting at the breakfast table in our front room. The table was covered with food I remember. There were pancakes, home made cinnamon syrup, milk, juice and some bacon. It was a good morning, but our mom was not there. She wasn’t usually around when my dad was. It was mostly because she wanted our father to spend time with us, and she was also disgusted to be around him. He had lost many jobs and he couldn’t hold one for long. Every night, he stayed at the bar down the road from our house and drank, while our mother took care of us. My mother told me once that she brought us all down to the infamous bar and asked our father to come home, because she needed help. He told her that he would be home soon and she could do nothing more but believe him and take us home. Once again, our father did not come home and she was very upset. At 1am, my father was still not home so she drove up to the bar and wrote: “ASSHOLE,” in red lipstick across his windshield and left. I like that story, because it makes me laugh to imagine my mother doing that. It is better to think about the funny things about it, then how much she may have been suffering when she did it. She had four daughters and was all alone, all day and night. It must have been torture to feel so unloved by your own husband. He picked a substance over us, but I have long ago forgiven him. Back to my story, at the breakfast table. We had been at the breakfast table, enjoy our day, despite my fathers obvious aggravation at something. I remember that me and Victoria started fighting for a certain reason. I think we were fighting over something stupid, like who would get the last piece of bacon. I regretted fighting with her in a matter of seconds. I was three and Victoria was two years old. As we were bickering, my father jumped out of his chair, wrapped his large hand around Victoria’s small arm and yanked her out of her high chair violently. Me and Eileen watched him hold Victoria by the arm as he carried her to the front door. You need to know, that outside our front door is a wooden porch covered in splintering wood, some stairs made of stone and a long fall for a child. Our father opened the door and threw Victoria onto the porch as hard as he could. We watched her slide on her stomach across the wood and spin in a quick circle, before the door slammed behind her. Our view was cut off and I was horrified. I was scared and I knew that something bad had just happened. Our father sat down at the table and covered his face with his hands. We were dead silent. After a few minutes, he got up and left. We don’t know where he went, but we were happy he left. I remember going outside once I heard his noisy truck pull out of the driveway. He was gone and everything seemed okay again. The next thing I remember, is going outside to find Victoria. I went through a sliding glass door through my parents bedroom, down some wooden stairs and that is where I found my mother and Victoria. Eileen was beside me as we walked up to them. My mother was sitting on the ground and Victoria was in her arms. Victoria is sobbing and so is my mother. Me and Eileen see them crying and we begin to cry too. I can not explain my emotions at this moment, because it troubled me so much. I was upset that Victoria had been thrown out our doorway, and that my dad had done it. I had not known that our father was coming down from drugs, because I did not know what drugs were or the effects. All the understood was that our morning had gone wrong, because of my actions. I had been fighting with Victoria, so I must have been the cause of my fathers anger. Because Victoria had been closer to my father, he had grabbed her first and it was all my fault. I was ashamed and I could only think that I had caused this pain. We were all crying now, because of me and I didn’t understand anything else. I only know now, that it was not my fault. My father had problems and we were only children who he took his troubles out on at times. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair, but it happens to many children. It happened to our family and it brings me pain, although I am grown now. That memory haunts me. I wish I could have been the hero in that moment, but I had felt like the villain instead. The breakfast incident had not been the only one. The interesting thing about memories, is that we keep the ones that affect us the most, although they may be terrible. Bad experiences can teach us just as much as good ones, because we learn from feeling certain emotions and we learn from our reactions of things. I remember watching my father toss Eileen across the living room, and we were three still. I watched her body roll and smash into piles of toys and shoes that had cluttered the living room from our play time that afternoon. I remember feeling disturbed and scared as I watched her began to wail in pain and sorrow. It was around the same time when Victoria had been thrown out of the door also. I guess our father thought that he could get rid of his problems, by throwing them away. I had watched my twin sister and my younger sister get hurt in my childhood and I am glad that I never saw our youngest sister get hurt. I wish that I would have taken their places. I am the oldest and I wish I could have protected them. I wonder why I was never a target of his anger. Maybe I have distanced myself from our father, even as a child. I wasn't in arms reach, so I never got hurt.  After five years of marriage and too many chances given, my mother left our father. It was a very exciting and scary day, because I remember it perfectly. Our mother had just picked us up from the local pre-school and as soon as we walked into our house, our mother told us to get anything we wanted from the house, any toys or books, because we were leaving and not coming back. I didn't understand why we were leaving, but I really didn't want to leave behind any toys. So, me and my sisters scrambled to get anything we wanted and then we rushed out of the house and were buckled safely into the car. As we drove away, I looked at the big yellow house and watched our father scream at our mother from the driveway. He did not follow us, but he was holding a picture that Eillen had drawn. For Eileens age, she was a surprisingly wonderful artist and she had drawn our family, smiling and together. Just before we pulled onto the road and drifted away, he ripped the picture down the middle and screamed: "THIS IS WHAT YOUR DOING TO OUR FAMILY!"  It was a disturbing sight, but I didn't understand why he was angry. We always went places, so I thought that we would be back. My mother had told the truth when she said that we were leaving and we have never looked back at the yellow house. I would miss the coyotes, the trees, the billions of blinking stars that can only be appriciated in the darkness of the country, and I would even miss the one blue christmas light that hung on the side of the house. Despite the strange things that happened during my time there, it was my first home and I loved it. Who can forget the place where they learned to laugh and love. Even if I learned to cry there too, I don't regret anything and I wouldn't want anything to change. Even though bad things happened, I wouldn't be who I am today if everything had gone according to plan. 2nd step to happiness; Accept the past, because we can not go back and change the events that transpired. It is better to accept the future you have and to make a life for yourself, without striving to change what will never be again. I am going to learn that, I MUST learn that. You can learn it with me too.    Bullies~ Step number 3, to being happy: Pity the bullies in your life. What a strange word that is, Bullies, it is a word that means nothing to someone who has never been hurt because of the cruel actions of another. If you have experienced this before, then you know that pain behind the word. I am telling you another thing about myself and if you have not noticed yet, I dwell on things that cause me pain. I do not dwell because I can not move forward, but because by speaking about it, I can begin to move forward without thinking about it at all. I was not bullied much as a child, but as an adult I learned that I could be disliked, for being myself. Isn't that how all of these situations can be defined? Bullies prey on those that they believe are weaker. It is up to you, the victim, to show these people that you are not as they define. You are stronger then you believe and that you will not let them harm you.  Before I can tell you about the Bullies in my life, I must tell you about the love of my life. His name is Erick and we met in middle school. We met under the strangest circumstances and I am embarrased to admit how it all happened. On my first day of the 7th grade, me and my friend were wandering the new middle school and Lilly decided that it would be fun to play a prank on someone. I decided that I would follow her lead and have some fun. Being as young as we were, we didn't understand how foolish we were or that we might hurt someone's feelings. I volunteered to play this innocent prank and I searched the swarm of students for a victim. Being forever the coward, I wanted to choose someone that didn't look mean. Out of the hundred of people in the crowd, I spotted one boy with a bright blue silk shirt, with my favorite super hero spider man plastered across it. I did not know this boy and his face gave me no sign that he was unkind or would become aggressive if I offended him, so I took a chance and played my prank. Again, remember that we were 11 years old and pathedically ridiculous things are hillarious in that exact moment in history. I ran up to the boy and shouted: "There is poop on your shoe!" The boy looked down expectantly at his shoe, and as he soon as he noticed there was nothing there, I finished off my wonderful prank by saying: "Oh, It must have hopped off!" I wish I could go back in time and tell Lilly, that this joke did not make sense and that I would be embarassed to write about it later. While me and Lilly were laughing as hard as we could about our successful prank, the boy had turned bright red. He put down his foot angrily and gave us a heart stopping glare that I would never forget. Our laughter dissapeared as soon as he stared at us in that way and I believed that I had chosen the wrong person to play a prank on. The boy walked away quickly and dissapeared into the crowd. The bell rang for our first class and we were happy with ourselves, despite his reaction. I didn't think I would ever see him again, but I was wrong.   I found out later that his name was Erick and he was 13 and I was 11. We had a history class together and I never noticed him, until a girl from my church group introduced us. He had told me later that he had thought I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and that he wished he had been brave enough to introduce himself. He had been the one to ask my friend to introduce us and I did not know this for a long time.  In my eyes, I have never been beautiful. If I had ever liked a boy, they had never noticed me and if they did, it was because I was sitting next to the girl that they had a crush on. I wasn't slender and I could not afford fashionable clothes. Overall, I wasn't like the girls in my school or in my life, that I had always strived to be like. I  thought that I was ugly, because I was not noticed. I had never felt beautiful, until Erick told me that I was attactive just the way I was. I had never imagined that he would like my inner beauty, just as much as my outer. I had been the defintion of "awkward looking teenager." But, doesn't every normal teenger go through this phase? At the time, I felt as if no one looked strange but me.  If you have ever felt that you didn't belong, then we are one in the same. I always felt as if I never fit anywhere. I wasn't like other people at my school. I didn't dress the same, talk the same or look the same. I wanted to blend in, but I always stood out. Why I strived to be the same, I will never know. If I had been like all the rest, then Erick may have never noticed me. Meeting Erick was also the first time that I realized that people were bullied, even in middle school. We were once walking around the field, as usual and a group of five or six boys started to follow us. I knew one of them, because we had went to elementary with me. He was an identical twin, but his brother wasn't with him today. The boys were laughing and joking, when suddenly one of them said: "HEY LOOK! Its Erick, the faggot. Why are you walking with a girl?" When I heard one of them say this, I was furious. I looked at Erick and watched him stare straight ahead and his gaze was fearless. They continued on with there teasing, but Erick never said a thing. I used to have a bad temper and I wasn't patient, so after about fifthteen minutes of this, I proceeded to swear like a sailor, in Ericks honor. They eventually got tired of hearing me swear and Erick not rsponding, so they just left. I was a little angry that Erick didn't stand up for himself, so I asked him why he didn't.  He looked deeply into my eyes and didn't smile as he said, "I've had enough bullies in my life to care about them. They are all cowards and liars." Then, he looked away from me and stared after the boys who had tried to bully him and said,  "Why should I be upset, when I'm walking next to you?" My skin began to crawl when he spoke. I was surprised in a good way and that was when I began to notice that I like him. He was very different than anyone I had ever met.  Erick wasn't a coward, he just didn't care about others opinions. I liked that a lot, because I cared too much about everyone elses opinions. I smiled and we kept on walking, in a peaceful silence, before starting up on a new conversation and have another great time.  Pep talks and rants~ If you are still here with me, then I applaude you. You want to hear more about my life? Or you just want to see the ending? I don't know how this will end or when. My life is continuing and changing everyday, so how can I predict that? Also, if you have not noticed my story is very random. My thoughts are constantly changing and the order in which life happens is sporadic. I am trying to infuse the aspect that, nothing is a set pattern. NOTHING. Everything is different, random, unpredictable and strange sometimes. I want to keep you on your toes and I hope you will enjoy the aspect, that you will always read something new.  The happiness project is a kind of journal for me. Have you noticed yet? I can feel that my honesty is helping me, slowly but surely. Who wants to read someone’s journal and know all of their secrets anyway? Nosy people? Mean people? Interested people or caring people? Is it all of the above or none? I would want to read someone journal just to figure out a mystery. You can’t be considered to be nosy though, if I am openly showing you this. Today, My mind is a mess. Does this worry you? It worries me. I don’t worry too hard, because tomorrow I will feel as if the world in wrapped in my hands. I need some actual adventure in my life. I need to take a risk and when I mean take a risk, I don’t mean bungee jumping or smoking cigarettes. I do smoke cigarettes by the way, that is why I love the cover. Did you notice the beauty of the rainbow tinted smoke? By the way, there is nothing beautiful about smoking. It is fun at first, until you go without one for eight hours and turn on the world and everything you love as you have a withdrawal from the precious drug known as Nicotine. Smoking restricts the blood vessels, giving the smoker a sensation that they are calm. I am always nervous, so I believe that I am somehow helping myself. Ironic how wrong I am, right? I know what your going to say, it causes cancer. Apparently, so does that air, the microwave, the food we eat everyday and possible everything in the universe. I realize that I may be harming myself at the moment, but I promise I won’t smoke forever. I know, everyone says that. But, I am actually very serious. Smoking is a past time, a risky and smelly one, but a fun one none the less. I like to think that I look more seductive too. Have you ever seen a movie, where a beautiful girl is sitting in the rain, inhaling deeply from a cigarette and blowing out the smoke? The smoke rises into the air and spins and twirls away towards the bright stars and moon. It is often depicted as a good thing, but I am not encouraging any of you to do it. But, who isn’t a little curious about something they have never done before? I was and I started smoking. Like they say, curiosity killed the cat and that saying shouldn’t be taken lightly. That is my pep talk for the day! By the way, there are so many ways for our lives to end each day and to me, cigarette smoke is that last thing I am thinking about. If I'm having fun and not hurting anyone else, why does it matter?    It goes on and on~ Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend? If you have had one, did you ever believe that they were the love of your life and you would be together forever? This actually happens VERY commonly. It is easy to get swept away into the moment and to believe that a person can do no harm to you and will be your perfect soulmate. People can do harm, because no one is perfect. But, if a person loves you they will never cause you harm that can leave a mental or physical scar. My friend though that she had found her soul mate. They had been eachothers first love and they met in middle school. They decided to get married when they were 18. So far, you are probably guessing that I am going to tell you a long drawn out story. You are also guessing that I am going to tell you to refrain from getting married at a young age. I am not here to tell you either of those, I am here to warn you that nothing is as it seems. You can not truly know a person, until you learn to communicate and trust eachother. If you can't communicate, then you can't work out problems or even to express anything effectively, espeically feelings that matter. If you can't be open and honest, you might as well quite now because your going downhill fast.  Back to my main pont I go. My friend got married at 18, because she thought that marriage would fix all of her problems. They felt as if it would bring them closer together. While she felt that it brought them closer together, he felt as if he was now suffocated by his vow. Her husband was a teenager and he wanted to be one. He wasn't ready to be a husband. He wanted to go "play," with his friends. They couldn't communicate or trust eachother, so slowly...everything fell a part. Something terrible happened to my friends family and it broke us all apart. Her brother, got hit by a car and was badly wounded. He was rushed to the hospital in another city and many time in the first few weeks, the doctors were sure that he would die. In these times of peril, people should stay together and to support eachother. If you have ever been faced with the reality that someone you love dearly will die, you know how essential it is to have a friend, lover, spouse or family member with you to get through the ordeal. My friend needed her husband at that time and one night a month after her brothers accident, she called me at four in the morning, sobbing hysterically. I was sure that something had happened to her brother, but instead she had told me that her husband had left her an hour earlier. He had told her that he wasn't happy, he didn't love her and that he couldn't handle the stress of the whole situaton. Just like that, he left and went to his Moms house. Wow, a stand up guy...dont' you think?  She had believed that he had been the love of her life. He had vowed to love her always, but instead he left when she needed him most. So, I am warning you to THINK before rushing into anything. You need to make SURE that  you know who you are marrying. You can have NO doubts about the people you want to be involved with, because by the time you figure out that it is too late, you could all ready by hurt beyond repair. I was at school a few days ago and a classmate of mine told me that she was engaged. I congradulated her and asked how long they had been dating. She told me that they were engaged and had been dating, for 3 MONTHS. Can someone tell me how you can love someone in 3 months, unless it is your child? I am not an expert in all things, but I know that it takes longer than 3 months to dedicate your whole life to a person. Think about it, very hard. To me, marriage is a vow that you will die for your spouse, protect them, love them, do ANYTHING for them, as long as it does not harm you. Love takes time and 3 months isn't enough to be sure.  Publication Date: March 21st 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-midknight

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-friedrich-schiller-mary-stuart/

Friedrich Schiller Mary Stuart ELIZABETH, Queen of England. MARY STUART, Queen of Scots, a Prisoner in England. ROBERT DUDLEY, Earl of Leicester. GEORGE TALBOT, Earl of Shrewsbury. WILLIAM CECIL, Lord Burleigh, Lord High Treasurer. EARL OF KENT. SIR WILLIAM DAVISON, Secretary of State. SIR AMIAS PAULET, Keeper of MARY. SIR EDWARD MORTIMER, his Nephew. COUNT L'AUBESPINE, the French Ambassador. O'KELLY, Mortimer's Friend. COUNT BELLIEVRE, Envoy Extraordinary from France. SIR DRUE DRURY, another Keeper of MARY. SIR ANDREW MELVIL, her House Steward. BURGOYNE, her Physician. HANNAH KENNEDY, her Nurse. MARGARET CURL, her Attendant. Sheriff of the County. Officer of the Guard. French and English Lords. Soldiers. Servants of State belonging to ELIZABETH. Servants and Female Attendants of the Queen of Scots. ACT I. SCENE I. A common apartment in the Castle of Fotheringay. HANNAH KENNEDY, contending violently with PAULET, who is about to break open a closet; DRURY with an iron crown. KENNEDY. How now, sir? what fresh outrage have we here? Back from that cabinet! PAULET. Whence came the jewel? I know 'twas from an upper chamber thrown; And you would bribe the gardener with your trinkets. A curse on woman's wiles! In spite of all My strict precaution and my active search, Still treasures here, still costly gems concealed! And doubtless there are more where this lay hid. [Advancing towards the cabinet. KENNEDY. Intruder, back! here lie my lady's secrets. PAULET. Exactly what I seek. [Drawing forth papers. KENNEDY. Mere trifling papers; The amusements only of an idle pen, To cheat the dreary tedium of a dungeon. PAULET. In idle hours the evil mind is busy. KENNEDY. Those writings are in French. PAULET. So much the worse! That tongue betokens England's enemy. KENNEDY. Sketches of letters to the Queen of England. PAULET. I'll be their bearer. Ha! what glitters here? [He touches a secret spring, and draws out jewels from a private drawer. A royal diadem enriched with stones, And studded with the fleur-de-lis of France. [He hands it to his assistant. Here, take it, Drury; lay it with the rest. [Exit DRURY. [And ye have found the means to hide from us Such costly things, and screen them, until now, From our inquiring eyes?] KENNEDY. Oh, insolent And tyrant power, to which we must submit. PAULET. She can work ill as long as she hath treasures; For all things turn to weapons in her hands. KENNEDY (supplicating). Oh, sir! be merciful; deprive us not Of the last jewel that adorns our life! 'Tis my poor lady's only joy to view This symbol of her former majesty; Your hands long since have robbed us of the rest. PAULET. 'Tis in safe custody; in proper time 'Twill be restored to you with scrupulous care. KENNEDY. Who that beholds these naked walls could say That majesty dwelt here? Where is the throne? Where the imperial canopy of state? Must she not set her tender foot, still used To softest treading, on the rugged ground? With common pewter, which the lowliest dame Would scorn, they furnish forth her homely table. PAULET. Thus did she treat her spouse at Stirling once; And pledged, the while, her paramour in gold. KENNEDY. Even the mirror's trifling aid withheld. PAULET. The contemplation of her own vain image Incites to hope, and prompts to daring deeds. KENNEDY. Books are denied her to divert her mind. PAULET. The Bible still is left to mend her heart. KENNEDY. Even of her very lute she is deprived! PAULET. Because she tuned it to her wanton airs. KENNEDY. Is this a fate for her, the gentle born, Who in her very cradle was a queen? Who, reared in Catherine's luxurious court, Enjoyed the fulness of each earthly pleasure? Was't not enough to rob her of her power, Must ye then envy her its paltry tinsel? A noble heart in time resigns itself To great calamities with fortitude; But yet it cuts one to the soul to part At once with all life's little outward trappings! PAULET. These are the things that turn the human heart To vanity, which should collect itself In penitence; for a lewd, vicious life, Want and abasement are the only penance. KENNEDY. If youthful blood has led her into error, With her own heart and God she must account: There is no judge in England over her. PAULET. She shall have judgment where she hath transgressed. KENNEDY. Her narrow bonds restrain her from transgression. PAULET. And yet she found the means to stretch her arm Into the world, from out these narrow bonds, And, with the torch of civil war, inflame This realm against our queen (whom God preserve). And arm assassin bands. Did she not rouse From out these walls the malefactor Parry, And Babington, to the detested crime Of regicide? And did this iron grate Prevent her from decoying to her toils The virtuous heart of Norfolk? Saw we not The first, best head in all this island fall A sacrifice for her upon the block? [The noble house of Howard fell with him.] And did this sad example terrify These mad adventurers, whose rival zeal Plunges for her into this deep abyss? The bloody scaffold bends beneath the weight Of her new daily victims; and we ne'er Shall see an end till she herself, of all The guiltiest, be offered up upon it. Oh! curses on the day when England took This Helen to its hospitable arms. KENNEDY. Did England then receive her hospitably? Oh, hapless queen! who, since that fatal day When first she set her foot within this realm, And, as a suppliant - a fugitive - Came to implore protection from her sister, Has been condemned, despite the law of nations, And royal privilege, to weep away The fairest years of youth in prison walls. And now, when she hath suffered everything Which in imprisonment is hard and bitter, Is like a felon summoned to the bar, Foully accused, and though herself a queen, Constrained to plead for honor and for life. PAULET. She came amongst us as a murderess, Chased by her very subjects from a throne Which she had oft by vilest deeds disgraced. Sworn against England's welfare came she hither, To call the times of bloody Mary back, Betray our church to Romish tyranny, And sell our dear-bought liberties to France. Say, why disdained she to subscribe the treaty Of Edinborough - to resign her claim To England's crown - and with one single word, Traced by her pen, throw wide her prison gates? No: - she had rather live in vile confinement, And see herself ill-treated, than renounce The empty honors of her barren title. Why acts she thus? Because she trusts to wiles, And treacherous arts of base conspiracy; And, hourly plotting schemes of mischief, hopes To conquer, from her prison, all this isle. KENNEDY. You mock us, sir, and edge your cruelty With words of bitter scorn: - that she should form Such projects; she, who's here immured alive, To whom no sound of comfort, not a voice Of friendship comes from her beloved home; Who hath so long no human face beheld, Save her stern gaoler's unrelenting brows; Till now, of late, in your uncourteous cousin She sees a second keeper, and beholds Fresh bolts and bars against her multiplied. PAULET. No iron-grate is proof against her wiles. How do I know these bars are not filed through? How that this floor, these walls, that seem so strong Without, may not be hollow from within, And let in felon treachery when I sleep? Accursed office, that's intrusted to me, To guard this cunning mother of all ill! Fear scares me from my sleep; and in the night I, like a troubled spirit, roam and try The strength of every bolt, and put to proof Each guard's fidelity: - I see, with fear, The dawning of each morn, which may confirm My apprehensions: - yet, thank God, there's hope That all my fears will soon be at an end; For rather would I at the gates of hell Stand sentinel, and guard the devilish host Of damned souls, than this deceitful queen. KENNEDY. Here comes the queen. PAULET. Christ's image in her hand. Pride, and all worldly lusts within her heart. SCENE II. The same. Enter MARY, veiled, a crucifix in her hand. KENNEDY (hastening toward her). O gracious queen! they tread us under foot; No end of tyranny and base oppression; Each coming day heaps fresh indignities, New sufferings on thy royal head. MARY. Be calm - Say, what has happened? KENNEDY. See! thy cabinet Is forced - thy papers - and thy only treasure, Which with such pains we had secured, the last Poor remnant of thy bridal ornaments From France, is in his hands - naught now remains Of royal state - thou art indeed bereft! MARY. Compose yourself, my Hannah! and believe me, 'Tis not these baubles that can make a queen - Basely indeed they may behave to us, But they cannot debase us. I have learned To use myself to many a change in England; I can support this too. Sir, you have taken By force what I this very day designed To have delivered to you. There's a letter Amongst these papers for my royal sister Of England. Pledge me, sir, your word of honor, To give it to her majesty's own hands, And not to the deceitful care of Burleigh. PAULET. I shall consider what is best to do. MARY. Sir, you shall know its import. In this letter I beg a favor, a great favor of her, - That she herself will give me audience, - she Whom I have never seen. I have been summoned Before a court of men, whom I can ne'er Acknowledge as my peers - of men to whom My heart denies its confidence. The queen Is of my family, my rank, my sex; To her alone - a sister, queen, and woman - Can I unfold my heart. PAULET. Too oft, my lady, Have you intrusted both your fate and honor To men less worthy your esteem than these. MARY. I, in the letter, beg another favor, And surely naught but inhumanity Can here reject my prayer. These many years Have I, in prison, missed the church's comfort, The blessings of the sacraments - and she Who robs me of my freedom and my crown, Who seeks my very life, can never wish To shut the gates of heaven upon my soul. PAULET. Whene'er you wish, the dean shall wait upon you. MARY (interrupting him sharply). Talk to me not of deans. I ask the aid Of one of my own church - a Catholic priest. PAULET. [That is against the published laws of England. MARY. The laws of England are no rule for me. I am not England's subject; I have ne'er Consented to its laws, and will not bow Before their cruel and despotic sway. If 'tis your will, to the unheard-of rigor Which I have borne, to add this new oppression, I must submit to what your power ordains; Yet will I raise my voice in loud complaints.] I also wish a public notary, And secretaries, to prepare my will - My sorrows and my prison's wretchedness Prey on my life - my days, I fear, are numbered - I feel that I am near the gates of death. PAULET. These serious contemplations well become you. MARY. And know I then that some too ready hand May not abridge this tedious work of sorrow? I would indite my will and make disposal Of what belongs tome. PAULET. This liberty May be allowed to you, for England's queen Will not enrich herself by plundering you. MARY. I have been parted from my faithful women, And from my servants; tell me, where are they? What is their fate? I can indeed dispense At present with their service, but my heart Will feel rejoiced to know these faithful ones Are not exposed to suffering and to want! PAULET. Your servants have been cared for; [and again You shall behold whate'er is taken from you And all shall be restored in proper season.] [Going. MARY. And will you leave my presence thus again, And not relieve my fearful, anxious heart From the fell torments of uncertainty? Thanks to the vigilance of your hateful spies, I am divided from the world; no voice Can reach me through these prison-walls; my fate Lies in the hands of those who wish my ruin. A month of dread suspense is passed already Since when the forty high commissioners Surprised me in this castle, and erected, With most unseemly haste, their dread tribunal; They forced me, stunned, amazed, and unprepared, Without an advocate, from memory, Before their unexampled court, to answer Their weighty charges, artfully arranged. They came like ghosts, - like ghosts they disappeared, And since that day all mouths are closed to me. In vain I seek to construe from your looks Which hath prevailed - my cause's innocence And my friends' zeal - or my foes' cursed counsel. Oh, break this silence! let me know the worst; What have I still to fear, and what to hope. PAULET. Close your accounts with heaven. MARY. From heaven I hope For mercy, sir; and from my earthly judges I hope, and still expect, the strictest justice. PAULET. Justice, depend upon it, will be done you. MARY. Is the suit ended, sir? PAULET. I cannot tell. MARY. Am I condemned? PAULET. I cannot answer, lady. MARY. [Sir, a good work fears not the light of day. PAULET. The day will shine upon it, doubt it not.] MARY. Despatch is here the fashion. Is it meant The murderer shall surprise me, like the judges? PAULET. Still entertain that thought and he will find you Better prepared to meet your fate than they did. MARY (after a pause). Sir, nothing can surprise me which a court Inspired by Burleigh's hate and Hatton's zeal, Howe'er unjust, may venture to pronounce: But I have yet to learn how far the queen Will dare in execution of the sentence. PAULET. The sovereigns of England have no fear But for their conscience and their parliament. What justice hath decreed her fearless hand Will execute before the assembled world. SCENE III. The same. MORTIMER enters, and without paying attention to the QUEEN, addresses PAULET. MORTIMER. Uncle, you're sought for. [He retires in the same manner. The QUEEN remarks it, and turns towards PAULET, who is about to follow him. MARY. Sir, one favor more If you have aught to say to me - from you I can bear much - I reverence your gray hairs; But cannot bear that young man's insolence; Spare me in future his unmannered rudeness. PAULET. I prize him most for that which makes you hate him He is not, truly, one of those poor fools Who melt before a woman's treacherous tears. He has seen much - has been to Rheims and Paris, And brings us back his true old English heart. Lady, your cunning arts are lost on him. [Exit. SCENE IV. MARY, KENNEDY. KENNEDY. And dare the ruffian venture to your face Such language! Oh, 'tis hard - 'tis past endurance. MARY (lost in reflection). In the fair moments of our former splendor We lent to flatterers a too willing ear; - It is but just, good Hannah, we should now Be forced to hear the bitter voice of censure. KENNEDY. So downcast, so depressed, my dearest lady! You, who before so gay, so full of hope, Were used to comfort me in my distress; More gracious were the task to check your mirth Than chide your heavy sadness. MARY. Well I know him - It is the bleeding Darnley's royal shade, Rising in anger from his darksome grave And never will he make his peace with me Until the measures of my woes be full. KENNEDY. What thoughts are these - MARY. Thou may'st forget it, Hannah; But I've a faithful memory - 'tis this day Another wretched anniversary Of that regretted, that unhappy deed - Which I must celebrate with fast and penance. KENNEDY. Dismiss at length in peace this evil spirit. The penitence of many a heavy year, Of many a suffering, has atoned the deed; The church, which holds the key of absolution, Pardons the crime, and heaven itself's appeased. MARY. This long-atoned crime arises fresh And bleeding from its lightly-covered grave; My husband's restless spirit seeks revenge; No sacred bell can exorcise, no host In priestly hands dismiss it to his tomb. KENNEDY. You did not murder him; 'twas done by others. MARY. But it was known to me; I suffered it, And lured him with my smiles to death's embrace. KENNEDY. Your youth extenuates your guilt. You were Of tender years. MARY. So tender, yet I drew This heavy guilt upon my youthful head. KENNEDY. You were provoked by direst injuries, And by the rude presumption of the man, Whom out of darkness, like the hand of heaven, Your love drew forth, and raised above all others. Whom through your bridal chamber you conducted Up to your throne, and with your lovely self, And your hereditary crown, distinguished [Your work was his existence, and your grace Bedewed him like the gentle rains of heaven.] Could he forget that his so splendid lot Was the creation of your generous love? Yet did he, worthless as he was, forget it. With base suspicions, and with brutal manners, He wearied your affections, and became An object to you of deserved disgust: The illusion, which till now had overcast Your judgment, vanished; angrily you fled His foul embrace, and gave him up to scorn. And did he seek again to win your love? Your favor? Did he e'er implore your pardon? Or fall in deep repentance at your feet? No; the base wretch defied you; he, who was Your bounty's creature, wished to play your king, [And strove, through fear, to force your inclination.] Before your eyes he had your favorite singer, Poor Rizzio, murdered; you did but avenge With blood the bloody deed - - MARY. And bloodily, I fear, too soon 'twill be avenged on me: You seek to comfort me, and you condemn me. KENNEDY. You were, when you consented to this deed, No more yourself; belonged not to yourself; The madness of a frantic love possessed you, And bound you to a terrible seducer, The wretched Bothwell. That despotic man Ruled you with shameful, overbearing will, And with his philters and his hellish arts Inflamed your passions. MARY. All the arts he used Were man's superior strength and woman's weakness. KENNEDY. No, no, I say. The most pernicious spirits Of hell he must have summoned to his aid, To cast this mist before your waking senses. Your ear no more was open to the voice Of friendly warning, and your eyes were shut To decency; soft female bashfulness Deserted you; those cheeks, which were before The seat of virtuous, blushing modesty, Glowed with the flames of unrestrained desire. You cast away the veil of secrecy, And the flagitious daring of the man O'ercame your natural coyness: you exposed Your shame, unblushingly, to public gaze: You let the murderer, whom the people followed With curses, through the streets of Edinburgh, Before you bear the royal sword of Scotland In triumph. You begirt your parliament With armed bands; and by this shameless farce, There, in the very temple of great justice, You forced the judges of the land to clear The murderer of his guilt. You went still further - O God! MARY. Conclude - nay, pause not - say for this I gave my hand in marriage at the altar. KENNEDY. O let an everlasting silence veil That dreadful deed: the heart revolts at it. A crime to stain the darkest criminal! Yet you are no such lost one, that I know. I nursed your youth myself - your heart is framed For tender softness: 'tis alive to shame, And all your fault is thoughtless levity. Yes, I repeat it, there are evil spirits, Who sudden fix in man's unguarded breast Their fatal residence, and there delight To act their dev'lish deeds; then hurry back Unto their native hell, and leave behind Remorse and horror in the poisoned bosom. Since this misdeed, which blackens thus your life, You have done nothing ill; your conduct has Been pure; myself can witness your amendment. Take courage, then; with your own heart make peace. Whatever cause you have for penitence, You are not guilty here. Nor England's queen, Nor England's parliament can be your judge. Here might oppresses you: you may present Yourself before this self-created court With all the fortitude of innocence. MARY. I hear a step. KENNEDY. It is the nephew - In. SCENE V. The same. Enter MORTIMER, approaching cautiously. MORTIMER (to KENNEDY). Step to the door, and keep a careful watch, I have important business with the queen. MARY (with dignity). I charge thee, Hannah, go not hence - remain. MORTIMER. Fear not, my gracious lady - learn to know me. [He gives her a card. MARY (She examines it, and starts back astonished). Heavens! What is this? MORTIMER (to KENNEDY). Retire, good Kennedy; See that my uncle comes not unawares. MARY (to KENNEDY, who hesitates, and looks at the QUEEN inquiringly). Go in; do as he bids you. [KENNEDY retires with signs of wonder. SCENE VI. MARY, MORTIMER. MARY. From my uncle In France - the worthy Cardinal of Lorrain? [She reads. "Confide in Mortimer, who brings you this; You have no truer, firmer friend in England." [Looking at him with astonishment. Can I believe it? Is there no delusion To cheat my senses? Do I find a friend So near, when I conceived myself abandoned By the whole world? And find that friend in you, The nephew of my gaoler, whom I thought My most inveterate enemy? MORTIMER (kneeling). Oh, pardon, My gracious liege, for the detested mask, Which it has cost me pain enough to wear; Yet through such means alone have I the power To see you, and to bring you help and rescue. MARY. Arise, sir; you astonish me; I cannot So suddenly emerge from the abyss Of wretchedness to hope: let me conceive This happiness, that I may credit it. MORTIMER. Our time is brief: each moment I expect My uncle, whom a hated man attends; Hear, then, before his terrible commission Surprises you, how heaven prepares your rescue. MARY. You come in token of its wondrous power. MORTIMER. Allow me of myself to speak. MARY. Say on. MORTIMER. I scarce, my liege, had numbered twenty years, Trained in the path of strictest discipline And nursed in deadliest hate to papacy, When led by irresistible desire For foreign travel, I resolved to leave My country and its puritanic faith Far, far behind me: soon with rapid speed I flew through France, and bent my eager course On to the plains of far-famed Italy. 'Twas then the time of the great jubilee: And crowds of palmers filled the public roads; Each image was adorned with garlands; 'twas As if all human-kind were wandering forth In pilgrimage towards the heavenly kingdom. The tide of the believing multitude Bore me too onward, with resistless force, Into the streets of Rome. What was my wonder, As the magnificence of stately columns Rushed on my sight! the vast triumphal arches, The Colosseum's grandeur, with amazement Struck my admiring senses; the sublime Creative spirit held my soul a prisoner In the fair world of wonders it had framed. I ne'er had felt the power of art till now. The church that reared me hates the charms of sense; It tolerates no image, it adores But the unseen, the incorporeal word. What were my feelings, then, as I approached The threshold of the churches, and within, Heard heavenly music floating in the air: While from the walls and high-wrought roofs there streamed Crowds of celestial forms in endless train - When the Most High, Most Glorious pervaded My captivated sense in real presence! And when I saw the great and godlike visions, The Salutation, the Nativity, The Holy Mother, and the Trinity's Descent, the luminous transfiguration And last the holy pontiff, clad in all The glory of his office, bless the people! Oh! what is all the pomp of gold and jewels With which the kings of earth adorn themselves! He is alone surrounded by the Godhead; His mansion is in truth an heavenly kingdom, For not of earthly moulding are these forms! MARY. O spare me, sir! No further. Spread no more Life's verdant carpet out before my eyes, Remember I am wretched, and a prisoner. MORTIMER. I was a prisoner, too, my queen; but swift My prison-gates flew open, when at once My spirit felt its liberty, and hailed The smiling dawn of life. I learned to burst Each narrow prejudice of education, To crown my brow with never-fading wreaths, And mix my joy with the rejoicing crowd. Full many noble Scots, who saw my zeal, Encouraged me, and with the gallant French They kindly led me to your princely uncle, The Cardinal of Guise. Oh, what a man! How firm, how clear, how manly, and how great! Born to control the human mind at will! The very model of a royal priest; A ruler of the church without an equal! MARY. You've seen him then, - the much loved, honored man, Who was the guardian of my tender years! Oh, speak of him! Does he remember me? Does fortune favor him? And prospers still His life? And does he still majestic stand, A very rock and pillar of the church? MORTIMER. The holy man descended from his height, And deigned to teach me the important creed Of the true church, and dissipate my doubts. He showed me how the glimmering light of reason Serves but to lead us to eternal error: That what the heart is called on to believe The eye must see: that he who rules the church Must needs be visible; and that the spirit Of truth inspired the councils of the fathers. How vanished then the fond imaginings And weak conceptions of my childish soul Before his conquering judgment, and the soft Persuasion of his tongue! So I returned Back to the bosom of the holy church, And at his feet abjured my heresies. MARY. Then of those happy thousands you are one, Whom he, with his celestial eloquence, Like the immortal preacher of the mount, Has turned and led to everlasting joy! MORTIMER. The duties of his office called him soon To France, and I was sent by him to Rheims, Where, by the Jesuits' anxious labor, priests Are trained to preach our holy faith in England. There, 'mongst the Scots, I found the noble Morgan, And your true Lesley, Ross's learned bishop, Who pass in France their joyless days of exile. I joined with heartfelt zeal these worthy men, And fortified my faith. As I one day Roamed through the bishop's dwelling, I was struck With a fair female portrait; it was full Of touching wond'rous charms; with magic might It moved my inmost soul, and there I stood Speechless, and overmastered by my feelings. "Well," cried the bishop, "may you linger thus In deep emotion near this lovely face! For the most beautiful of womankind, Is also matchless in calamity. She is a prisoner for our holy faith, And in your native land, alas! she suffers." [MARY is in great agitation. He pauses. MARY. Excellent man! All is not lost, indeed, While such a friend remains in my misfortunes! MORTIMER. Then he began, with moving eloquence, To paint the sufferings of your martyrdom; He showed me then your lofty pedigree, And your descent from Tudor's royal house. He proved to me that you alone have right To reign in England, not this upstart queen, The base-born fruit of an adult'rous bed, Whom Henry's self rejected as a bastard. [He from my eyes removed delusion's mist, And taught me to lament you as a victim, To honor you as my true queen, whom I, Deceived, like thousands of my noble fellows, Had ever hated as my country's foe.] I would not trust his evidence alone; I questioned learned doctors; I consulted The most authentic books of heraldry; And every man of knowledge whom I asked Confirmed to me your claim's validity. And now I know that your undoubted right To England's throne has been your only wrong, This realm is justly yours by heritage, In which you innocently pine as prisoner. MARY. Oh, this unhappy right! - 'tis this alone Which is the source of all my sufferings. MORTIMER. Just at this time the tidings reached my ears Of your removal from old Talbot's charge, And your committal to my uncle's care. It seemed to me that this disposal marked The wond'rous, outstretched hand of favoring heaven; It seemed to be a loud decree of fate, That it had chosen me to rescue you. My friends concur with me; the cardinal Bestows on me his counsel and his blessing, And tutors me in the hard task of feigning. The plan in haste digested, I commenced My journey homewards, and ten days ago On England's shores I landed. Oh, my queen. [He pauses. I saw then, not your picture, but yourself - Oh, what a treasure do these walls enclose! No prison this, but the abode of gods, More splendid far than England's royal court. Happy, thrice happy he, whose envied lot Permits to breathe the selfsame air with you! It is a prudent policy in her To bury you so deep! All England's youth Would rise at once in general mutiny, And not a sword lie quiet in its sheath: Rebellion would uprear its giant head, Through all this peaceful isle, if Britons once Beheld their captive queen. MARY. 'Twere well with her, If every Briton saw her with your eyes! MORTIMER. Were each, like me, a witness of your wrongs, Your meekness, and the noble fortitude With which you suffer these indignities - Would you not then emerge from all these trials Like a true queen? Your prison's infamy, Hath it despoiled your beauty of its charms? You are deprived of all that graces life, Yet round you life and light eternal beam. Ne'er on this threshold can I set my foot, That my poor heart with anguish is not torn, Nor ravished with delight at gazing on you. Yet fearfully the fatal time draws near, And danger hourly growing presses on. I can delay no longer - can no more Conceal the dreadful news. MARY. My sentence then! It is pronounced? Speak freely - I can bear it. MORTIMER. It is pronounced! The two-and-forty judges Have given the verdict, "guilty"; and the Houses Of Lords and Commons, with the citizens Of London, eagerly and urgently Demand the execution of the sentence: - The queen alone still craftily delays, That she may be constrained to yield, but not From feelings of humanity or mercy. MARY (collected). Sir, I am not surprised, nor terrified. I have been long prepared for such a message. Too well I know my judges. After all Their cruel treatment I can well conceive They dare not now restore my liberty. I know their aim: they mean to keep me here In everlasting bondage, and to bury, In the sepulchral darkness of my prison, My vengeance with me, and my rightful claims. MORTIMER. Oh, no, my gracious queen; - they stop not there: Oppression will not be content to do Its work by halves: - as long as e'en you live, Distrust and fear will haunt the English queen. No dungeon can inter you deep enough; Your death alone can make her throne secure. MARY. Will she then dare, regardless of the shame, Lay my crowned head upon the fatal block? MORTIMER. She will most surely dare it, doubt it not. MARY. And can she thus roll in the very dust Her own, and every monarch's majesty? MORTIMER. She thinks on nothing now but present danger, Nor looks to that which is so far removed. MARY. And fears she not the dread revenge of France? MORTIMER. With France she makes an everlasting peace; And gives to Anjou's duke her throne and hand. MARY. Will not the King of Spain rise up in arms? MORTIMER. She fears not a collected world in arms? If with her people she remains at peace. MARY. Were this a spectacle for British eyes? MORTIMER. This land, my queen, has, in these latter days, Seen many a royal woman from the throne Descend and mount the scaffold: - her own mother And Catherine Howard trod this fatal path; And was not Lady Grey a crowned head? MARY (after a pause). No, Mortimer, vain fears have blinded you; 'Tis but the honest care of your true heart, Which conjures up these empty apprehensions. It is not, sir, the scaffold that I fear: There are so many still and secret means By which her majesty of England may Set all my claims to rest. Oh, trust me, ere An executioner is found for me, Assassins will be hired to do their work. 'Tis that which makes me tremble, Mortimer: I never lift the goblet to my lips Without an inward shuddering, lest the draught May have been mingled by my sister's love. MORTIMER. No: - neither open or disguised murder Shall e'er prevail against you: - fear no more; All is prepared; - twelve nobles of the land Are my confederates, and have pledged to-day, Upon the sacrament, their faith to free you, With dauntless arm, from this captivity. Count Aubespine, the French ambassador, Knows of our plot, and offers his assistance: 'Tis in his palace that we hold our meetings. NARY. You make me tremble, sir, but not for joy! An evil boding penetrates my heart. Know you, then, what you risk? Are you not scared By Babington and Tichburn's bloody heads, Set up as warnings upon London's bridge? Nor by the ruin of those many victims Who have, in such attempts, found certain death, And only made my chains the heavier? Fly hence, deluded, most unhappy youth! Fly, if there yet be time for you, before That crafty spy, Lord Burleigh, track your schemes, And mix his traitors in your secret plots. Fly hence: - as yet, success hath never smiled On Mary Stuart's champions. MORTIMER. I am not scared By Babington and Tichburn's bloody heads Set up as warnings upon London's bridge; Nor by the ruin of those many victims Who have, in such attempts, found certain death: They also found therein immortal honor, And death, in rescuing you, is dearest bliss. MARY. It is in vain: nor force nor guile can save me: - My enemies are watchful, and the power Is in their hands. It is not Paulet only And his dependent host; all England guards My prison gates: Elizabeth's free will Alone can open them. MORTIMER. Expect not that. MARY. One man alone on earth can open them. MORTIMER. Oh, let me know his name! MARY. Lord Leicester. MORTIMER. He! [Starts back in wonder. The Earl of Leicester! Your most bloody foe, The favorite of Elizabeth! through him - - MARY. If I am to be saved at all, 'twill be Through him, and him alone. Go to him, sir; Freely confide in him: and, as a proof You come from me, present this paper to him. [She takes a paper from her bosom; MORTIMER draws back, and hesitates to take it. It doth contain my portrait: - take it, sir; I've borne it long about me; but your uncle's Close watchfulness has cut me off from all Communication with him; - you were sent By my good angel. [He takes it. MORTIMER. Oh, my queen! Explain This mystery. MARY. Lord Leicester will resolve it. Confide in him, and he'll confide in you. Who comes? KENNEDY (entering hastily). 'Tis Paulet; and he brings with him A nobleman from court. MORTIMER. It is Lord Burleigh. Collect yourself, my queen, and strive to hear The news he brings with equanimity. [He retires through a side door, and KENNEDY follows him. SCENE VII. Enter LORD BURLEIGH, and PAULET. PAULET (to MARY). You wished to-day assurance of your fate; My Lord of Burleigh brings it to you now; Hear it with resignation, as beseems you. MARY. I hope with dignity, as it becomes My innocence, and my exalted station. BURLEIGH. I come deputed from the court of justice. MARY. Lord Burleigh lends that court his willing tongue, Which was already guided by his spirit. PAULET. You speak as if no stranger to the sentence. MARY. Lord Burleigh brings it; therefore do I know it. PAULET. [It would become you better, Lady Stuart, To listen less to hatred. MARY. I but name My enemy: I said not that I hate him.] But to the matter, sir. BURLEIGH. You have acknowledged The jurisdiction of the two-and-forty. MARY. My lord, excuse me, if I am obliged So soon to interrupt you. I acknowledged, Say you, the competence of the commission? I never have acknowledged it, my lord; How could I so? I could not give away My own prerogative, the intrusted rights Of my own people, the inheritance Of my own son, and every monarch's honor [The very laws of England say I could not.] It is enacted by the English laws That every one who stands arraigned of crime Shall plead before a jury of his equals: Who is my equal in this high commission? Kings only are my peers. BURLEIGH. But yet you heard The points of accusation, answered them Before the court - - MARY. 'Tis true, I was deceived By Hatton's crafty counsel: - he advised me, For my own honor, and in confidence In my good cause, and my most strong defence, To listen to the points of accusation, And prove their falsehoods. This, my lord, I did From personal respect for the lords' names, Not their usurped charge, which I disclaim. BURLEIGH. Acknowledge you the court, or not, that is Only a point of mere formality, Which cannot here arrest the course of justice. You breathe the air of England; you enjoy The law's protection, and its benefits; You therefore are its subject. MARY. Sir, I breathe The air within an English prison walls: Is that to live in England; to enjoy Protection from its laws? I scarcely know And never have I pledged my faith to keep them. I am no member of this realm; I am An independent, and a foreign queen. BURLEIGH. And do you think that the mere name of queen Can serve you as a charter to foment In other countries, with impunity, This bloody discord? Where would be the state's Security, if the stern sword of justice Could not as freely smite the guilty brow Of the imperial stranger as the beggar's? MARY. I do not wish to be exempt from judgment, It is the judges only I disclaim. BURLEIGH. The judges? How now, madam? Are they then Base wretches, snatched at hazard from the crowd? Vile wranglers that make sale of truth and justice; Oppression's willing hirelings, and its tools? Are they not all the foremost of this land, Too independent to be else than honest, And too exalted not to soar above The fear of kings, or base servility? Are they not those who rule a generous people In liberty and justice; men, whose names I need but mention to dispel each doubt, Each mean suspicion which is raised against them? Stands not the reverend primate at their head, The pious shepherd of his faithful people, The learned Talbot, keeper of the seals, And Howard, who commands our conquering fleets? Say, then, could England's sovereign do more Than, out of all the monarchy, elect The very noblest, and appoint them judges In this great suit? And were it probable That party hatred could corrupt one heart; Can forty chosen men unite to speak A sentence just as passion gives command? MARY (after a short pause). I am struck dumb by that tongue's eloquence, Which ever was so ominous to me. And how shall I, a weak, untutored woman, Cope with so subtle, learned an orator? Yes truly; were these lords as you describe them, I must be mute; my cause were lost indeed, Beyond all hope, if they pronounce me guilty. But, sir, these names, which you are pleased to praise, These very men, whose weight you think will crush me, I see performing in the history Of these dominions very different parts: I see this high nobility of England, This grave majestic senate of the realm, Like to an eastern monarch's vilest slaves, Flatter my uncle Henry's sultan fancies: I see this noble, reverend House of Lords, Venal alike with the corrupted Commons, Make statutes and annul them, ratify A marriage and dissolve it, as the voice Of power commands: to-day it disinherits, And brands the royal daughters of the realm With the vile name of bastards, and to-morrow Crowns them as queens, and leads them to the throne. I see them in four reigns, with pliant conscience, Four times abjure their faith; renounce the pope With Henry, yet retain the old belief; Reform themselves with Edward; hear the mass Again with Mary; with Elizabeth, Who governs now, reform themselves again. BURLEIGH. You say you are not versed in England's laws, You seem well read, methinks, in her disasters. MARY. And these men are my judges? [As LORD BURLEIGH seems to wish to speak. My lord treasurer, Towards you I will be just, be you but just To me. 'Tis said that you consult with zeal The good of England, and of England's queen; Are honest, watchful, indefatigable; I will believe it. Not your private ends, Your sovereign and your country's weal alone, Inspire your counsels and direct your deeds. Therefore, my noble lord, you should the more Distrust your heart; should see that you mistake not The welfare of the government for justice. I do not doubt, besides yourself, there are Among my judges many upright men: But they are Protestants, are eager all For England's quiet, and they sit in judgment On me, the Queen of Scotland, and the papist. It is an ancient saying, that the Scots And England to each other are unjust; And hence the rightful custom that a Scot Against an Englishman, or Englishman Against a Scot, cannot be heard in judgment. Necessity prescribed this cautious law; Deep policy oft lies in ancient customs: My lord, we must respect them. Nature cast Into the ocean these two fiery nations Upon this plank, and she divided it Unequally, and bade them fight for it. The narrow bed of Tweed alone divides These daring spirits; often hath the blood Of the contending parties dyed its waves. Threatening, and sword in hand, these thousand years, From both its banks they watch their rival's motions, Most vigilant and true confederates, With every enemy of the neighbor state. No foe oppresses England, but the Scot Becomes his firm ally; no civil war Inflames the towns of Scotland, but the English Add fuel to the fire: this raging hate Will never be extinguished till, at last, One parliament in concord shall unite them, One common sceptre rule throughout the isle. BURLEIGH. And from a Stuart, then, should England hope This happiness? MARY. Oh! why should I deny it? Yes, I confess, I cherished the fond hope; I thought myself the happy instrument To join in freedom, 'neath the olive's shade, Two generous realms in lasting happiness! I little thought I should become the victim Of their old hate, their long-lived jealousy; And the sad flames of that unhappy strife, I hoped at last to smother, and forever: And, as my ancestor, great Richmond, joined The rival roses after bloody contest, To join in peace the Scotch and English crowns. BURLEIGH. An evil way you took to this good end, To set the realm on fire, and through the flames Of civil war to strive to mount the throne. MARY. I wished not that: - I wished it not, by Heaven! When did I strive at that? Where are your proofs? BURLEIGH. I came not hither to dispute; your cause Is no more subject to a war of words. The great majority of forty voices Hath found that you have contravened the law Last year enacted, and have now incurred Its penalty. [Producing the verdict. MARY. Upon this statute, then, My lord, is built the verdict of my judges? BURLEIGH (reading). Last year it was enacted, "If a plot Henceforth should rise in England, in the name Or for the benefit of any claimant To England's crown, that justice should be done On such pretender, and the guilty party Be prosecuted unto death." Now, since It has been proved - - MARY. Lord Burleigh, I can well Imagine that a law expressly aimed At me, and framed to compass my destruction May to my prejudice be used. Oh! Woe To the unhappy victim, when the tongue That frames the law shall execute the sentence. Can you deny it, sir, that this same statute Was made for my destruction, and naught else? BURLEIGH. It should have acted as a warning to you: By your imprudence it became a snare. You saw the precipice which yawned before you; Yet, truly warned, you plunged into the deep. With Babington, the traitor, and his bands Of murderous companions, were you leagued. You knew of all, and from your prison led Their treasonous plottings with a deep-laid plan. MARY. When did I that, my lord? Let them produce The documents. BURLEIGH. You have already seen them They were before the court, presented to you. MARY. Mere copies written by another hand; Show me the proof that they were dictated By me, that they proceeded from my lips, And in those very terms in which you read them. BURLEIGH. Before his execution, Babington Confessed they were the same which he received. MARY. Why was he in his lifetime not produced Before my face? Why was he then despatched So quickly that he could not be confronted With her whom he accused? BURLEIGH. Besides, my lady, Your secretaries, Curl and Nau, declare On oath, they are the very selfsame letters Which from your lips they faithfully transcribed. MARY. And on my menials' testimony, then, I am condemned; upon the word of those Who have betrayed me, me, their rightful queen! Who in that very moment, when they came As witnesses against me, broke their faith! BURLEIGH. You said yourself, you held your countryman To be an upright, conscientious man. MARY. I thought him such; but 'tis the hour of danger Alone, which tries the virtue of a man. [He ever was an honest man, but weak In understanding; and his subtle comrade, Whose faith, observe, I never answered for, Might easily seduce him to write down More than he should;] the rack may have compelled him To say and to confess more than he knew. He hoped to save himself by this false witness, And thought it could not injure me - a queen. BURLEIGH. The oath he swore was free and unconstrained. MARY. But not before my face! How now, my lord? The witnesses you name are still alive; Let them appear against me face to face, And there repeat what they have testified. Why am I then denied that privilege, That right which e'en the murderer enjoys? I know from Talbot's mouth, my former keeper, That in this reign a statute has been passed Which orders that the plaintiff be confronted With the defendant; is it so, good Paulet? I e'er have known you as an honest man; Now prove it to me; tell me, on your conscience, If such a law exist or not in England? PAULET. Madam, there does: that is the law in England. I must declare the truth. MARY. Well, then, my lord, If I am treated by the law of England So hardly, when that law oppresses me, Say, why avoid this selfsame country's law, When 'tis for my advantage? Answer me; Why was not Babington confronted with me? Why not my servants, who are both alive? BURLEIGH. Be not so hasty, lady; 'tis not only Your plot with Babington - - MARY. 'Tis that alone Which arms the law against me; that alone From which I'm called upon to clear myself. Stick to the point, my lord; evade it not. BURLEIGH. It has been proved that you have corresponded With the ambassador of Spain, Mendoza - - MARY. Stick to the point, my lord. BURLEIGH. That you have formed Conspiracies to overturn the fixed Religion of the realm; that you have called Into this kingdom foreign powers, and roused All kings in Europe to a war with England. MARY. And were it so, my lord - though I deny it - But e'en suppose it were so: I am kept Imprisoned here against all laws of nations. I came not into England sword in hand; I came a suppliant; and at the hands Of my imperial kinswoman I claimed The sacred rights of hospitality, When power seized upon me, and prepared To rivet fetters where I hoped protection. Say, is my conscience bound, then, to this realm? What are the duties that I owe to England? I should but exercise a sacred right, Derived from sad necessity, if I Warred with these bonds, encountered might with might, Roused and incited every state in Europe For my protection to unite in arms. Whatever in a rightful war is just And loyal, 'tis my right to exercise: Murder alone, the secret, bloody deed, My conscience and my pride alike forbid. Murder would stain me, would dishonor me: Dishonor me, my lord, but not condemn me, Nor subject me to England's courts of law: For 'tis not justice, but mere violence, Which is the question 'tween myself and England. BURLEIGH (significantly). Talk not, my lady, of the dreadful right Of power: 'tis seldom on the prisoner's side. MARY. I am the weak, she is the mighty one: 'Tis well, my lord; let her, then, use her power; Let her destroy me; let me bleed, that she May live secure; but let her, then, confess That she hath exercised her power alone, And not contaminate the name of justice. Let her not borrow from the laws the sword To rid her of her hated enemy; Let her not clothe in this religious garb The bloody daring of licentious might; Let not these juggling tricks deceive the world. [Returning the sentence. Though she may murder me, she cannot judge me: Let her no longer strive to join the fruits Of vice with virtue's fair and angel show; But let her dare to seem the thing she is. [Exit. SCENE VIII. BURLEIGH, PAULET. BURLEIGH. She scorns us, she defies us! will defy us, Even at the scaffold's foot. This haughty heart Is not to be subdued. Say, did the sentence Surprise her? Did you see her shed one tear, Or even change her color? She disdains To make appeal to our compassion. Well She knows the wavering mind of England's queen. Our apprehensions make her bold. PAULET. My lord, Take the pretext away which buoys it up, And you shall see this proud defiance fail That very moment. I must say, my lord, Irregularities have been allowed In these proceedings; Babington and Ballard Should have been brought, with her two secretaries, Before her, face to face. BURLEIGH. No, Paulet, no. That was not to be risked; her influence Upon the human heart is too supreme; Too strong the female empire of her tears. Her secretary, Curl, if brought before her, And called upon to speak the weighty word On which her life depends, would straight shrink back And fearfully revoke his own confession. PAULET. Then England's enemies will fill the world With evil rumors; and the formal pomp Of these proceedings to the minds of all Will only signalize an act of outrage. BURLEIGH. That is the greatest torment of our queen, [That she can never 'scape the blame. Oh God!] Had but this lovely mischief died before She set her faithless foot on English ground. PAULET. Amen, say I! BURLEIGH. Had sickness but consumed her! PAULET. England had been secured from such misfortune. BURLEIGH. And yet, if she had died in nature's course, The world would still have called us murderers. PAULET. 'Tis true, the world will think, despite of us, Whate'er it list. BURLEIGH. Yet could it not be proved? And it would make less noise. PAULET. Why, let it make What noise it may. It is not clamorous blame, 'Tis righteous censure only which can wound. BURLEIGH. We know that holy justice cannot 'scape The voice of censure; and the public cry Is ever on the side of the unhappy: Envy pursues the laurelled conqueror; The sword of justice, which adorns the man, Is hateful in a woman's hand; the world Will give no credit to a woman's justice If woman be the victim. Vain that wo, The judges, spoke what conscience dictated; She has the royal privilege of mercy; She must exert it: 'twere not to be borne, Should she let justice take its full career. PAULET. And therefore - - BURLEIGH. Therefore should she live? Oh, no, She must not live; it must not be. 'Tis this, Even this, my friend, which so disturbs the queen, And scares all slumber from her couch; I read Her soul's distracting contest in her eyes: She fears to speak her wishes, yet her looks, Her silent looks, significantly ask, "Is there not one amongst my many servants To save me from this sad alternative? Either to tremble in eternal fear Upon my throne, or else to sacrifice A queen of my own kindred on the block?" PAULET. 'Tis even so; nor can it be avoided - - BURLEIGH. Well might it be avoided, thinks the queen, If she had only more attentive servants. PAULET. How more attentive? BURLEIGH. Such as could interpret A silent mandate. PAULET. What? A silent mandate! BURLEIGH. Who, when a poisonous adder is delivered Into their hands, would keep the treacherous charge As if it were a sacred, precious jewel? PAULET. A precious jewel is the queen's good name And spotless reputation: good my lord, One cannot guard it with sufficient care. BURLEIGH. When out of Shrewsbury's hands the Queen of Scots Was trusted to Sir Amias Paulet's care, The meaning was - - PAULET. I hope to God, my lord, The meaning was to give the weightiest charge Into the purest hands; my lord, my lord! By heaven I had disdained this bailiff's office Had I not thought the service claimed the care Of the best man that England's realm can boast. Let me not think I am indebted for it To anything but my unblemished name. BURLEIGH. Spread the report she wastes; grows sicker still And sicker; and expires at last in peace; Thus will she perish in the world's remembrance, And your good name is pure. PAULET. But not my conscience. BURLEIGH. Though you refuse us, sir, your own assistance, You will not sure prevent another's hand. PAULET. No murderer's foot shall e'er approach her threshold Whilst she's protected by my household gods. Her life's a sacred trust; to me the head Of Queen Elizabeth is not more sacred. Ye are the judges; judge, and break the staff; And when 'tis time then let the carpenter With axe and saw appear to build the scaffold. My castle's portals shall be open to him, The sheriff and the executioners: Till then she is intrusted to my care; And be assured I will fulfil my trust, She shall nor do nor suffer what's unjust. [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE I. London, a Hall in the Palace of Westminster. The EARL OF KENT and SIR WILLIAM DAVISON meeting. DAVISON. Is that my Lord of Kent? So soon returned? Is then the tourney, the carousal over? KENT. How now? Were you not present at the tilt? DAVISON. My office kept me here. KENT. Believe me, sir, You've lost the fairest show which ever state Devised, or graceful dignity performed: For beauty's virgin fortress was presented As by desire invested; the Earl-Marshal, The Lord-High Admiral, and ten other knights Belonging to the queen defended it, And France's cavaliers led the attack. A herald marched before the gallant troop, And summoned, in a madrigal, the fortress; And from the walls the chancellor replied; And then the artillery was played, and nosegays Breathing delicious fragrance were discharged From neat field-pieces; but in vain, the storm Was valiantly resisted, and desire Was forced, unwillingly, to raise the siege. DAVISON. A sign of evil-boding, good my lord, For the French Suitors. KENT. Why, you know that this Was but in sport; when the attack's in earnest The fortress will, no doubt, capitulate. DAVISON. Ha! think you so? I never can believe it. KENT. The hardest article of all is now Adjusted and acceded to by France; The Duke of Anjou is content to hold His holy worship in a private chapel; And openly he promises to honor And to protect the realm's established faith. Had ye but heard the people's joyful shouts Where'er the tidings spread, for it has been The country's constant fear the queen might die Without immediate issue of her body; And England bear again the Romish chains If Mary Stuart should ascend the throne. DAVISON. This fear appears superfluous; she goes Into the bridal chamber; Mary Stuart Enters the gates of death. KENT. The queen approaches. SCENE II. Enter ELIZABETH, led in by LEICESTER, COUNT AUBESPINE, BELLIEVRE, LORDS SHREWSBURY and BURLEIGH, with other French and English gentlemen. ELIZABETH (to AUBESPINE). Count, I am sorry for these noblemen Whose gallant zeal hath brought them over sea To visit these our shores, that they, with us, Must miss the splendor of St. Germain's court. Such pompous festivals of godlike state I cannot furnish as the royal court Of France. A sober and contented people, Which crowd around me with a thousand blessings Whene'er in public I present myself: This is the spectacle which I can show, And not without some pride, to foreign eyes. The splendor of the noble dames who bloom In Catherine's beauteous garden would, I know, Eclipse myself, and my more modest merits. AUBESPINE. The court of England has one lady only To show the wondering foreigner; but all That charms our hearts in the accomplished sex Is seen united in her single person. BELLIEVRE. Great majesty of England, suffer us To take our leave, and to our royal master, The Duke of Anjou, bring the happy news. The hot impatience of his heart would not Permit him to remain at Paris; he At Amiens awaits the joyful tidings; And thence to Calais reach his posts to bring With winged swiftness to his tranced ear The sweet consent which, still we humbly hope, Your royal lips will graciously pronounce. ELIZABETH. Press me no further now, Count Bellievre. It is not now a time, I must repeat, To kindle here the joyful marriage torch. The heavens lower black and heavy o'er this land; And weeds of mourning would become me better Than the magnificence of bridal robes. A fatal blow is aimed against my heart; A blow which threatens to oppress my house. BELLIEVRE. We only ask your majesty to promise Your royal hand when brighter days shall come. ELIZABETH. Monarchs are but the slaves of their condition; They dare not hear the dictates of their hearts; My wish was ever to remain unmarried, And I had placed my greatest pride in this, That men hereafter on my tomb might read, "Here rests the virgin queen." But my good subjects Are not content that this should be: they think, E'en now they often think upon the time When I shall be no more. 'Tis not enough That blessings now are showered upon this land; They ask a sacrifice for future welfare, And I must offer up my liberty, My virgin liberty, my greatest good, To satisfy my people. Thus they'd force A lord and master on me. 'Tis by this I see that I am nothing but a woman In their regard; and yet methought that I Had governed like a man, and like a king. Well wot I that it is not serving God To quit the laws of nature; and that those Who here have ruled before me merit praise, That they have oped the cloister gates, and given Thousands of victims of ill-taught devotion Back to the duties of humanity. But yet a queen who hath not spent her days In fruitless, idle contemplation; who, Without murmur, indefatigably Performs the hardest of all duties; she Should be exempted from that natural law Which doth ordain one half of human kind Shall ever be subservient to the other. AUBESPINE. Great queen, you have upon your throne done honor To every virtue; nothing now remains But to the sex, whose greatest boast you are To be the leading star, and give the great Example of its most consistent duties. 'Tis true, the man exists not who deserves That you to him should sacrifice your freedom; Yet if a hero's soul, descent, and rank, And manly beauty can make mortal man Deserving of this honor - - ELIZABETH. Without doubt, My lord ambassador, a marriage union With France's royal son would do me honor; Yes, I acknowledge it without disguise, If it must be, if I cannot prevent it, If I must yield unto my people's prayers, And much I fear they will o'erpower me, I do not know in Europe any prince To whom with less reluctance I would yield My greatest treasure, my dear liberty. Let this confession satisfy your master. BELLIEVRE. It gives the fairest hope, and yet it gives Nothing but hope; my master wishes more. ELIZABETH. What wishes he? [She takes a ring from her finger, and thoughtfully examines it. In this a queen has not One privilege above all other women. This common token marks one common duty, One common servitude; the ring denotes Marriage, and 'tis of rings a chain is formed. Convey this present to his highness; 'tis As yet no chain, it binds me not as yet, But out of it may grow a link to bind me. BELLIEVRE (kneeling). This present, in his name, upon my knees, I do receive, great queen, and press the kiss Of homage on the hand of her who is Henceforth my princess. ELIZABETH (to the EARL OF LEICESTER, whom she, during the last speeches, had continually regarded). By your leave, my lord. [She takes the blue ribbon from his neck [1], and invests Bellievre with it. Invest his highness with this ornament, As I invest you with it, and receive you Into the duties of my gallant order. And, "Honi soit qui mal y pense." Thus perish All jealousy between our several realms, And let the bond of confidence unite Henceforth, the crowns of Britain and of France. BELLIEVRE. Most sovereign queen, this is a day of joy; Oh that it could be so for all, and no Afflicted heart within this island mourn. See! mercy beams upon thy radiant brow; Let the reflection of its cheering light Fall on a wretched princess, who concerns Britain and France alike. ELIZABETH. No further, count! Let us not mix two inconsistent things; If France be truly anxious for my hand, It must partake my interests, and renounce Alliance with my foes. AUBESPINE. In thine own eyes Would she not seem to act unworthily, If in this joyous treaty she forgot This hapless queen, the widow of her king; In whose behalf her honor and her faith Are bound to plead for grace. ELIZABETH. Thus urged, I know To rate this intercession at its worth; France has discharged her duties as a friend, I will fulfil my own as England's queen. [She bows to the French ambassadors, who, with the other gentlemen, retire respectfully. [1] Till the time of Charles the First, the Knights of the Garter wore the blue ribbon with the George about their necks, as they still do the collars, on great days. - TRANSLATOR. SCENE III. Enter BURLEIGH, LEICESTER, and TALBOT. The QUEEN takes her seat. BURLEIGH. Illustrious sovereign, thou crown'st to-day The fervent wishes of thy people; now We can rejoice in the propitious days Which thou bestowest upon us; and we look No more with fear and trembling towards the time Which, charged with storms, futurity presented. Now, but one only care disturbs this land; It is a sacrifice which every voice Demands; Oh! grant but this and England's peace Will be established now and evermore. ELIZABETH. What wish they still, my lord? Speak. BURLEIGH. They demand The Stuart's head. If to thy people thou Wouldst now secure the precious boon of freedom, And the fair light of truth so dearly won, Then she must die; if we are not to live In endless terror for thy precious life The enemy must fall; for well thou know'st That all thy Britons are not true alike; Romish idolatry has still its friends In secret, in this island, who foment The hatred of our enemies. Their hearts All turn toward this Stuart; they are leagued With the two plotting brothers of Lorrain, The foes inveterate of thy house and name. 'Gainst thee this raging faction hath declared A war of desolation, which they wage With the deceitful instruments of hell. At Rheims, the cardinal archbishop's see, There is the arsenal from which they dart These lightnings; there the school of regicide; Thence, in a thousand shapes disguised, are sent Their secret missionaries to this isle; Their bold and daring zealots; for from thence Have we not seen the third assassin come? And inexhausted is the direful breed Of secret enemies in this abyss. While in her castle sits at Fotheringay, The Ate [1] of this everlasting war, Who, with the torch of love, spreads flames around; For her who sheds delusive hopes on all, Youth dedicates itself to certain death; To set her free is the pretence - the aim Is to establish her upon the throne. For this accursed House of Guise denies Thy sacred right; and in their mouths thou art A robber of the throne, whom chance has crowned. By them this thoughtless woman was deluded, Proudly to style herself the Queen of England; No peace can be with her, and with her house; [Their hatred is too bloody, and their crimes Too great;] thou must resolve to strike, or suffer - Her life is death to thee, her death thy life. ELIZABETH. My lord, you bear a melancholy office; I know the purity which guides your zeal, The solid wisdom which informs your speech; And yet I hate this wisdom, when it calls For blood, I hate it in my inmost soul. Think of a milder counsel - Good my Lord Of Shrewsbury, we crave your judgment here. TALBOT. [Desire you but to know, most gracious queen, What is for your advantage, I can add Nothing to what my lord high-treasurer Has urged; then, for your welfare, let the sentence Be now confirmed - this much is proved already: There is no surer method to avert The danger from your head and from the state. Should you in this reject our true advice, You can dismiss your council. We are placed Here as your counsellors, but to consult The welfare of this land, and with our knowledge And our experience we are bound to serve you! But in what's good and just, most gracious queen, You have no need of counsellors, your conscience Knows it full well, and it is written there. Nay, it were overstepping our commission If we attempted to instruct you in it. ELIZABETH. Yet speak, my worthy Lord of Shrewsbury, 'Tis not our understanding fails alone, Our heart too feels it wants some sage advice.] TALBOT. Well did you praise the upright zeal which fires Lord Burleigh's loyal breast; my bosom, too, Although my tongue be not so eloquent, Beats with no weaker, no less faithful pulse. Long may you live, my queen, to be the joy Of your delighted people, to prolong Peace and its envied blessings in this realm. Ne'er hath this isle beheld such happy days Since it was governed by its native kings. Oh, let it never buy its happiness With its good name; at least, may Talbot's eyes Be closed in death e'er this shall come to pass. ELIZABETH. Forbid it, heaven, that our good name be stained! TALBOT. Then must you find some other way than this To save thy kingdom, for the sentence passed Of death against the Stuart is unjust. You cannot upon her pronounce a sentence Who is not subject to you. ELIZABETH. Then, it seems, My council and my parliament have erred; Each bench of justice in the land is wrong, Which did with one accord admit this right. TALBOT (after a pause). The proof of justice lies not in the voice Of numbers; England's not the world, nor is Thy parliament the focus, which collects The vast opinion of the human race. This present England is no more the future Than 'tis the past; as inclination changes, Thus ever ebbs and flows the unstable tide Of public judgment. Say not, then, that thou Must act as stern necessity compels, That thou must yield to the importunate Petitions of thy people; every hour Thou canst experience that thy will is free. Make trial, and declare thou hatest blood, And that thou wilt protect thy sister's life; Show those who wish to give thee other counsels, That here thy royal anger is not feigned, And thou shalt see how stern necessity Can vanish, and what once was titled justice Into injustice be converted: thou Thyself must pass the sentence, thou alone Trust not to this unsteady, trembling reed, But hear the gracious dictates of thy heart. God hath not planted rigor in the frame Of woman; and the founders of this realm, Who to the female hand have not denied The reins of government, intend by this To show that mercy, not severity, Is the best virtue to adorn a crown. ELIZABETH. Lord Shrewsbury is a fervent advocate For mine and England's enemy; I must Prefer those counsellors who wish my welfare. TALBOT. Her advocates have an invidious task! None will, by speaking in her favor, dare To meet thy anger: stiffer, then, an old And faithful counsellor (whom naught on earth Can tempt on the grave's brink) to exercise The pious duty of humanity. It never shall be said that, in thy council, Passion and interest could find a tongue, While mercy's pleading voice alone was mute, All circumstances have conspired against her; Thou ne'er hast seen her face, and nothing speaks Within thy breast for one that's stranger to thee. I do not take the part of her misdeeds; They say 'twas she who planned her husband's murder: 'Tis true that she espoused his murderer. A grievous crime, no doubt; but then it happened In darksome days of trouble and dismay, In the stern agony of civil war, When she, a woman, helpless and hemmed in By a rude crowd of rebel vassals, sought Protection in a powerful chieftain's arms. God knows what arts were used to overcome her! For woman is a weak and fragile thing. ELIZABETH. Woman's not weak; there are heroic souls Among the sex; and, in my presence, sir, I do forbid to speak of woman's weakness. TALBOT. Misfortune was for thee a rigid school; Thou wast not stationed on the sunny side Of life; thou sawest no throne, from far, before thee; The grave was gaping for thee at thy feet. At Woodstock, and in London's gloomy tower, 'Twas there the gracious father of this land Taught thee to know thy duty, by misfortune. No flatterer sought thee there: there learned thy soul, Far from the noisy world and its distractions, To commune with itself, to think apart, And estimate the real goods of life. No God protected this poor sufferer: Transplanted in her early youth to France, The court of levity and thoughtless joys, There, in the round of constant dissipation, She never heard the earnest voice of truth; She was deluded by the glare of vice, And driven onward by the stream of ruin. Hers was the vain possession of a face, And she outshone all others of her sex As far in beauty, as in noble birth. ELIZABETH. Collect yourself, my Lord of Shrewsbury; Bethink you we are met in solemn council. Those charms must surely be without compare, Which can engender, in an elder's blood, Such fire. My Lord of Leicester, you alone Are silent; does the subject which has made Him eloquent, deprive you of your speech? LEICESTER. Amazement ties my tongue, my queen, to think That they should fill thy soul with such alarms, And that the idle tales, which, in the streets, Of London, terrify the people's ears, Should reach the enlightened circle of thy council, And gravely occupy our statesmen's minds. Astonishment possesses me, I own, To think this lackland Queen of Scotland, she Who could not save her own poor throne, the jest Of her own vassals, and her country's refuse, [Who in her fairest days of freedom, was But thy despised puppet,] should become At once thy terror when a prisoner. What, in Heaven's name, can make her formidable? That she lays claim to England? that the Guises Will not acknowledge thee as queen? [Did then Thy people's loyal fealty await These Guises' approbation?] Can these Guises, With their objections, ever shake the right Which birth hath given thee; which, with one consent, The votes of parliament have ratified? And is not she, by Henry's will, passed o'er In silence? Is it probable that England, As yet so blessed in the new light's enjoyment, Should throw itself into this papist's arms? From thee, the sovereign it adores, desert To Darnley's murderess? What will they then, These restless men, who even in thy lifetime Torment thee with a successor; who cannot Dispose of thee in marriage soon enough To rescue church and state from fancied peril? Stand'st thou not blooming there in youthful prime While each step leads her towards the expecting tomb? By Heavens, I hope thou wilt full many a year Walk o'er the Stuart's grave, and ne'er become Thyself the instrument of her sad end. BURLEIGH. Lord Leicester hath not always held this tone. LEICESTER. 'Tis true, I in the court of justice gave My verdict for her death; here, in the council, I may consistently speak otherwise Here, right is not the question, but advantage. Is this a time to fear her power, when France, Her only succor, has abandoned her? When thou preparest with thy hand to bless The royal son of France, when the fair hope Of a new, glorious stem of sovereigns Begins again to blossom in this land? Why hasten then her death? She's dead already. Contempt and scorn are death to her; take heed Lest ill-timed pity call her into life. 'Tis therefore my advice to leave the sentence, By which her life is forfeit, in full force. Let her live on; but let her live beneath The headsman's axe, and, from the very hour One arm is lifted for her, let it fall. ELIZABETH (rises). My lords, I now have heard your several thoughts, And give my ardent thanks for this your zeal. With God's assistance, who the hearts of kings Illumines, I will weigh your arguments, And choose what best my judgment shall approve. [To BURLEIGH. [Lord Burleigh's honest fears, I know it well, Are but the offspring of his faithful care; But yet, Lord Leicester has most truly said, There is no need of haste; our enemy Hath lost already her most dangerous sting - The mighty arm of France: the fear that she Might quickly be the victim of their zeal Will curb the blind impatience of her friends.] [1] The picture of Ate, the goddess of mischief, we are acquainted with from Homer, II. v. 91, 130. I. 501. She is a daughter of Jupiter, and eager to prejudice every one, even the immortal gods. She counteracted Jupiter himself, on which account he seized her by her beautiful hair, and hurled her from heaven to the earth, where she now, striding over the heads of men, excites them to evil in order to involve them in calamity. - HERDER. Shakspeare has, in Julius Caesar, made a fine use of this image: - "And Caesar's spirit ranging for revenge with Ate by his side, come hot from hell, Shall in these confines, with a monarch's voice, Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war." I need not point out to the reader the beautiful propriety of introducing the evil spirit on this occasion. - TRANSLATOR. SCENE IV. Enter SIR AMIAS PAULET and MORTIMER. ELIZABETH. There's Sir Amias Paulet; noble sir, What tidings bring you? PAULET. Gracious sovereign, My nephew, who but lately is returned From foreign travel, kneels before thy feet, And offers thee his first and earliest homage, Grant him thy royal grace, and let him grow And flourish in the sunshine of thy favor. MORTIMER (kneeling on one knee). Long live my royal mistress! Happiness And glory from a crown to grace her brows! ELIZABETH. Arise, sir knight; and welcome here in England; You've made, I hear, the tour, have been in France And Rome, and tarried, too, some time at Rheims: Tell me what plots our enemies are hatching? MORTIMER. May God confound them all! And may the darts Which they shall aim against my sovereign, Recoiling, strike their own perfidious breasts! ELIZABETH. Did you see Morgan, and the wily Bishop Of Ross? MORTIMER. I saw, my queen, all Scottish exiles Who forge at Rheims their plots against this realm. I stole into their confidence in hopes To learn some hint of their conspiracies. PAULET. Private despatches they intrusted to him, In cyphers, for the Queen of Scots, which he, With loyal hand, hath given up to us. ELIZABETH. Say, what are then their latest plans of treason? MORTIMER. It struck them all as 'twere a thunderbolt, That France should leave them, and with England close This firm alliance; now they turn their hopes Towards Spain - - ELIZABETH. This, Walsingham hath written us. MORTIMER. Besides, a bull, which from the Vatican Pope Sixtus lately levelled at thy throne, Arrived at Rheims, as I was leaving it; With the next ship we may expect it here. LEICESTER. England no more is frightened by such arms. BURLEIGH. They're always dangerous in bigots' hands. ELIZABETH (looking steadfastly at MORTIMER). Your enemies have said that you frequented The schools at Rheims, and have abjured your faith. MORTIMER. So I pretended, that I must confess; Such was my anxious wish to serve my queen. ELIZABETH (to PAULET, who presents papers to her). What have you there? PAULET. 'Tis from the Queen of Scots. 'Tis a petition, and to thee addressed. BURLEIGH (hastily catching at it). Give me the paper. PAULET (giving it to the QUEEN). By your leave, my lord High-treasurer; the lady ordered me To bring it to her majesty's own hands. She says I am her enemy; I am The enemy of her offences only, And that which is consistent with my duty I will, and readily, oblige her in. [The QUEEN takes the letter: as she reads it MORTIMER and LEICESTER speak some words in private. BURLEIGH (to PAULET). What may the purport of the letter be? Idle complaints, from which one ought to screen The queen's too tender heart. PAULET. What it contains She did not hide from me; she asks a boon; She begs to be admitted to the grace Of speaking with the queen. BURLEIGH. It cannot be. TALBOT. Why not? Her supplication's not unjust. BURLEIGH. For her, the base encourager of murder; Her, who hath thirsted for our sovereign's blood, The privilege to see the royal presence Is forfeited: a faithful counsellor Can never give this treacherous advice. TALBOT. And if the queen is gracious, sir, are you The man to hinder pity's soft emotions? BURLEIGH. She is condemned to death; her head is laid Beneath the axe, and it would ill become The queen to see a death-devoted head. The sentence cannot have its execution If the queen's majesty approaches her, For pardon still attends the royal presence, As sickness flies the health-dispensing hand. ELIZABETH (having read the letter, dries her tears). Oh, what is man! What is the bliss of earth! To what extremities is she reduced Who with such proud and splendid hopes began! Who, called to sit on the most ancient throne Of Christendom, misled by vain ambition, Hoped with a triple crown to deck her brows! How is her language altered, since the time When she assumed the arms of England's crown, And by the flatterers of her court was styled Sole monarch of the two Britannic isles! Forgive me, lords, my heart is cleft in twain, Anguish possesses me, and my soul bleeds To think that earthly goods are so unstable, And that the dreadful fate which rules mankind Should threaten mine own house, and scowl so near me. TALBOT. Oh, queen! the God of mercy hath informed Your heart; Oh! hearken to this heavenly guidance. Most grievously, indeed, hath she atoned. Her grievous crime, and it is time that now, At last, her heavy penance have an end. Stretch forth your hand to raise this abject queen, And, like the luminous vision of an angel, Descend into her gaol's sepulchral night. BURLEIGH. Be steadfast, mighty queen; let no emotion Of seeming laudable humanity Mislead thee; take not from thyself the power Of acting as necessity commands. Thou canst not pardon her, thou canst not save her: Then heap not on thyself the odious blame, That thou, with cruel and contemptuous triumph, Didst glut thyself with gazing on thy victim. LEICESTER. Let us, my lords, remain within our bounds; The queen is wise, and doth not need our counsels To lead her to the most becoming choice. This meeting of the queens hath naught in common With the proceedings of the court of justice. The law of England, not the monarch's will, Condemns the Queen of Scotland, and 'twere worthy Of the great soul of Queen Elizabeth, To follow the soft dictates of her heart, Though justice swerves not from its rigid path. ELIZABETH. Retire, my lords. We shall, perhaps, find means To reconcile the tender claims of pity With what necessity imposes on us. And now retire. [The LORDS retire; she calls SIR EDWARD MORTIMER back. Sir Edward Mortimer! SCENE V. ELIZABETH, MORTIMER. ELIZABETH (having measured him for some time with her eyes in silence). You've shown a spirit of adventurous courage And self-possession, far beyond your years. He who has timely learnt to play so well The difficult dissembler's needful task Becomes a perfect man before his time, And shortens his probationary years. Fate calls you to a lofty scene of action; I prophesy it, and can, happily For you, fulfil, myself, my own prediction. MORTIMER. Illustrious mistress, what I am, and all I can accomplish, is devoted to you. ELIZABETH. You've made acquaintance with the foes of England. Their hate against me is implacable; Their fell designs are inexhaustible. As yet, indeed, Almighty Providence Hath shielded me; but on my brows the crown Forever trembles, while she lives who fans Their bigot-zeal, and animates their hopes. MORTIMER. She lives no more, as soon as you command it. ELIZABETH. Oh, sir! I thought I saw my labors end, And I am come no further than at first, I wished to let the laws of England act, And keep my own hands pure from blood's defilement. The sentence is pronounced - what gain I by it? It must be executed, Mortimer, And I must authorize the execution. The blame will ever light on me, I must Avow it, nor can save appearances. That is the worst - - MORTIMER. But can appearances Disturb your conscience where the cause is just? ELIZABETH. You are unpractised in the world, sir knight; What we appear, is subject to the judgment Of all mankind, and what we are, of no man. No one will be convinced that I am right: I must take care that my connivance in Her death be wrapped in everlasting doubt. In deeds of such uncertain double visage Safety lies only in obscurity. Those measures are the worst that stand avowed; What's not abandoned, is not wholly lost. MORTIMER (seeking to learn her meaning). Then it perhaps were best - - ELIZABETH (quick). Ay, surely 'twere The best; Oh, sir, my better angel speaks Through you; - go on then, worthy sir, conclude You are in earnest, you examine deep, Have quite a different spirit from your uncle. MORTIMER (surprised). Have you imparted then your wishes to him? ELIZABETH. I am sorry that I have. MORTIMER. Excuse his age, The old man is grown scrupulous; such bold Adventures ask the enterprising heart Of youth - - ELIZABETH. And may I venture then on you - - MORTIMER. My hand I'll lend thee; save then as thou canst Thy reputation - - ELIZABETH. Yes, sir; if you could But waken me some morning with this news "Maria Stuart, your bloodthirsty foe, Breathed yesternight her last" - - MORTIMER. Depend on me. ELIZABETH. When shall my head lie calmly down to sleep? MORTIMER. The next new moon will terminate thy fears. ELIZABETH. And be the selfsame happy day the dawn Of your preferment - so God speed you, sir; And be not hurt, if, chance, my thankfulness Should wear the mask of darkness. Silence is The happy suitor's god. The closest bonds, The dearest, are the works of secrecy. [Exit. SCENE VI. MORTIMER (alone). Go, false, deceitful queen! As thou deludest The world, e'en so I cozen thee; 'tis right, Thus to betray thee; 'tis a worthy deed. Look I then like a murderer? Hast thou read Upon my brow such base dexterity? Trust only to my arm, and keep thine own Concealed - assume the pious outward show Of mercy 'fore the world, while reckoning In secret on my murderous aid; and thus By gaining time we shall insure her rescue. Thou wilt exalt me! - show'st me from afar The costly recompense: but even were Thyself the prize, and all thy woman's favor, What art thou, poor one, and what canst thou proffer? I scorn ambition's avaricious strife, With her alone is all the charm of life, O'er her, in rounds of endless glory, hover Spirits with grace, and youth eternal blessed, Celestial joy is throned upon her breast. Thou hast but earthly, mortal goods to offer - That sovereign good, for which all else be slighted, When heart in heart, delighting and delighted; Together flow in sweet forgetfulness; - Ne'er didst thou woman's fairest crown possess, Ne'er hast thou with thy hand a lover's heart requited. I must attend Lord Leicester, and deliver Her letter to him - 'tis a hateful charge - I have no confidence in this court puppet - I can effect her rescue, I alone; Be danger, honor, and the prize my own. [As he is going, PAULET meets him. SCENE VII. MORTIMER, PAULET. PAULET. What said the queen to you? MORTIMER. 'Twas nothing, sir; Nothing of consequence - - PAULET (looking at him earnestly). Hear, Mortimer! It is a false and slippery ground on which You tread. The grace of princes is alluring, Youth loves ambition - let not yours betray you. MORTIMER. Was it not yourself that brought me to the court? PAULET. Oh, would to God I had not done as much! The honor of our house was never reaped In courts - stand fast, my nephew - purchase not Too dear, nor stain your conscience with a crime. MORTIMER. What are these fears? What are you dreaming of? PAULET. How high soever the queen may pledge herself To raise you, trust not her alluring words. [The spirit of the world's a lying spirit, And vice is a deceitful, treacherous friend.] She will deny you, if you listen to her; And, to preserve her own good name, will punish The bloody deed, which she herself enjoined. MORTIMER. The bloody deed! - - PAULET. Away, dissimulation! - I know the deed the queen proposed to you. She hopes that your ambitious youth will prove More docile than my rigid age. But say, Have you then pledged your promise, have you? MORTIMER. Uncle! PAULET. If you have done so, I abandon you, And lay my curse upon you - - LEICESTER (entering). Worthy sir! I with your nephew wish a word. The queen Is graciously inclined to him; she wills That to his custody the Scottish queen Be with full powers intrusted. She relies On his fidelity. PAULET. Relies! - 'tis well - - LEICESTER. What say you, sir? PAULET. Her majesty relies On him; and I, my noble lord, rely Upon myself, and my two open eyes. [Exit. SCENE VIII. LEICESTER, MORTIMER. LEICESTER (surprised). What ailed the knight? MORTIMER. My lord, I cannot tell What angers him: the confidence, perhaps, The queen so suddenly confers on me. LEICESTER. Are you deserving then of confidence? MORTIMER. This would I ask of you, my Lord of Leicester. LEICESTER. You said you wished to speak with me in private. MORTIMER. Assure me first that I may safely venture. LEICESTER. Who gives me an assurance on your side? Let not my want of confidence offend you; I see you, sir, exhibit at this court Two different aspects; one of them must be A borrowed one; but which of them is real? MORTIMER. The selfsame doubts I have concerning you. LEICESTER. Which, then, shall pave the way to confidence? MORTIMER. He, who by doing it, is least in danger. LEICESTER. Well, that are you - - MORTIMER. No, you; the evidence Of such a weighty, powerful peer as you Can overwhelm my voice. My accusation Is weak against your rank and influence. LEICESTER. Sir, you mistake. In everything but this I'm powerful here; but in this tender point Which I am called upon to trust you with, I am the weakest man of all the court, The poorest testimony can undo me. MORTIMER. If the all-powerful Earl of Leicester deign To stoop so low to meet me, and to make Such a confession to me, I may venture To think a little better of myself, And lead the way in magnanimity. LEICESTER. Lead you the way of confidence, I'll follow. MORTIMER (producing suddenly the letter). Here is a letter from the Queen of Scotland. LEICESTER (alarmed, catches hastily at the letter). Speak softly, sir! what see I? Oh, it is Her picture! [Kisses and examines it with speechless joy - a pause. MORTIMER (who has watched him closely the whole tine). Now, my lord, I can believe you. LEICESTER (having hastily run through the letter). You know the purport of this letter, sir. MORTIMER. Not I. LEICESTER. Indeed! She surely hath informed you. MORTIMER. Nothing hath she informed me of. She said You would explain this riddle to me - 'tis To me a riddle, that the Earl of Leicester, The far-famed favorite of Elizabeth, The open, bitter enemy of Mary, And one of those who spoke her mortal sentence, Should be the man from whom the queen expects Deliverance from her woes; and yet it must be; Your eyes express too plainly what your heart Feels for the hapless lady. LEICESTER. Tell me, Sir, First, how it comes that you should take so warm An interest in her fate; and what it was Gained you her confidence? MORTIMER. My lord, I can, And in few words, explain this mystery. I lately have at Rome abjured my creed, And stand in correspondence with the Guises. A letter from the cardinal archbishop Was my credential with the Queen of Scots. LEICESTER. I am acquainted, sir, with your conversion; 'Twas that which waked my confidence towards you. [Each remnant of distrust be henceforth banished;] Your hand, sir, pardon me these idle doubts, I cannot use too much precaution here. Knowing how Walsingham and Burleigh hate me, And, watching me, in secret spread their snares; You might have been their instrument, their creature To lure me to their toils. MORTIMER. How poor a part So great a nobleman is forced to play At court! My lord, I pity you. LEICESTER. With joy I rest upon the faithful breast of friendship, Where I can ease me of this long constraint. You seem surprised, sir, that my heart is turned So suddenly towards the captive queen. In truth, I never hated her; the times Have forced me to be her enemy. She was, as you well know, my destined bride, Long since, ere she bestowed her hand on Darnley, While yet the beams of glory round her smiled, Coldly I then refused the proffered boon. Now in confinement, at the gates of death, I claim her at the hazard of my life. MORTIMER. True magnanimity, my lord. LEICESTER. The state Of circumstances since that time is changed. Ambition made me all insensible To youth and beauty. Mary's hand I held Too insignificant for me; I hoped To be the husband of the Queen of England. MORTIMER. It is well known she gave you preference Before all others. LEICESTER. So, indeed, it seemed. Now, after ten lost years of tedious courtship And hateful self-constraint - oh, sir, my heart Must ease itself of this long agony. They call me happy! Did they only know What the chains are, for which they envy me! When I had sacrificed ten bitter years To the proud idol of her vanity; Submitted with a slave's humility To every change of her despotic fancies The plaything of each little wayward whim. At times by seeming tenderness caressed, As oft repulsed with proud and cold disdain; Alike tormented by her grace and rigor: Watched like a prisoner by the Argus eyes Of jealousy; examined like a schoolboy, And railed at like a servant. Oh, no tongue Can paint this hell. MORTIMER. My lord, I feel for you. LEICESTER. To lose, and at the very goal, the prize Another comes to rob me of the fruits Of my so anxious wooing. I must lose To her young blooming husband all those rights Of which I was so long in full possession; And I must from the stage descend, where I So long have played the most distinguished part. 'Tis not her hand alone this envious stranger Threatens, he'd rob me of her favor too; She is a woman, and he formed to please. MORTIMER. He is the son of Catherine. He has learnt In a good school the arts of flattery. LEICESTER. Thus fall my hopes; I strove to seize a plank To bear me in this shipwreck of my fortunes, And my eye turned itself towards the hope Of former days once more; then Mary's image Within me was renewed, and youth and beauty Once more asserted all their former rights. No more 'twas cold ambition; 'twas my heart Which now compared, and with regret I felt The value of the jewel I had lost. With horror I beheld her in the depths. Of misery, cast down by my transgression; Then waked the hope in me that I might still Deliver and possess her; I contrived To send her, through a faithful hand, the news Of my conversion to her interests; And in this letter which you brought me, she Assures me that she pardons me, and offers Herself as guerdon if I rescue her. MORTIMER. But you attempted nothing for her rescue. You let her be condemned without a word: You gave, yourself, your verdict for her death; A miracle must happen, and the light Of truth must move me, me, her keeper's nephew, And heaven must in the Vatican at Rome Prepare for her an unexpected succour, Else had she never found the way to you. LEICESTER. Oh, sir, it has tormented me enough! About this time it was that they removed her From Talbot's castle, and delivered her Up to your uncle's stricter custody. Each way to her was shut. I was obliged Before the world to persecute her still; But do not think that I would patiently Have seen her led to death. No, Sir; I hoped, And still I hope, to ward off all extremes, Till I can find some certain means to save her. MORTIMER. These are already found: my Lord of Leicester; Your generous confidence in me deserves A like return. I will deliver her. That is my object here; my dispositions Are made already, and your powerful aid Assures us of success in our attempt. LEICESTER. What say you? You alarm me! How? You would - - MORTIMER. I'll open forcibly her prison-gates; I have confederates, and all is ready. LEICESTER. You have confederates, accomplices? Alas! In what rash enterprise would you Engage me? And these friends, know they my secret? MORTIMER. Fear not; our plan was laid without your help, Without your help it would have been accomplished, Had she not signified her resolution To owe her liberty to you alone. LEICESTER. And can you, then, with certainty assure me That in your plot my name has not been mentioned? MORTIMER. You may depend upon it. How, my lord, So scrupulous when help is offered you? You wish to rescue Mary, and possess her; You find confederates; sudden, unexpected, The readiest means fall, as it were from Heaven, Yet you show more perplexity than joy. LEICESTER. We must avoid all violence; it is Too dangerous an enterprise. MORTIMER. Delay Is also dangerous. LEICESTER. I tell you, Sir, 'Tis not to be attempted - - MORTIMER. My lord, Too hazardous for you, who would possess her; But we, who only wish to rescue her, We are more bold. LEICESTER. Young man, you are too hasty In such a thorny, dangerous attempt. MORTIMER. And you too scrupulous in honor's cause. LEICESTER. I see the trammels that are spread around us. MORTIMER. And I feel courage to break through them all. LEICESTER. Foolhardiness and madness, is this courage? MORTIMER. This prudence is not bravery, my lord. LEICESTER. You surely wish to end like Babington. MORTIMER. You not to imitate great Norfolk's virtue. LEICESTER. Norfolk ne'er won the bride he wooed so fondly. MORTIMER. But yet he proved how truly he deserved her. LEICESTER. If we are ruined, she must fall with us. MORTIMER. If we risk nothing, she will ne'er be rescued. LEICESTER. You will not weigh the matter, will not hear; With blind and hasty rashness you destroy The plans which I so happily had framed. MORTIMER. And what were then the plans which you had framed? What have you done then to deliver her? And how, if I were miscreant enough To murder her, as was proposed to me This moment by Elizabeth, and which She looks upon as certain; only name The measures you have taken to protect her? LEICESTER. Did the queen give you, then, this bloody order? MORTIMER. She was deceived in me, as Mary is in you. LEICESTER. And have you promised it? Say, have you? MORTIMER. That she might not engage another's hand, I offered mine. LEICESTER. Well done, sir; that was right; This gives us leisure, for she rests secure Upon your bloody service, and the sentence Is unfulfilled the while, and we gain time. MORTIMER (angrily). No, we are losing time. LEICESTER. The queen depends On you, and will the readier make a show Of mercy; and I may prevail on her To give an audience to her adversary; And by this stratagem we tie her hands Yes! I will make the attempt, strain every nerve. MORTIMER. And what is gained by this? When she discovers That I am cheating her, that Mary lives; Are we not where we were? She never will Be free; the mildest doom which can await her At best is but perpetual confinement. A daring deed must one day end the matter; Why will you not with such a deed begin? The power is in your hands, would you but rouse The might of your dependents round about Your many castles, 'twere an host; and still Has Mary many secret friends. The Howards And Percies' noble houses, though their chiefs Be fallen, are rich in heroes; they but wait For the example of some potent lord. Away with feigning - act an open part, And, like a loyal knight, protect your fair; Fight a good fight for her! You know you are Lord of the person of the Queen of England, Whene'er you will: invite her to your castle, Oft hath she thither followed you - then show That you're a man; then speak as master; keep her Confined till she release the Queen of Scots. LEICESTER. I am astonished - I am terrified! Where would your giddy madness hurry you? Are you acquainted with this country? Know you The deeps and shallows of this court? With what A potent spell this female sceptre binds And rules men's spirits round her? 'Tis in vain You seek the heroic energy which once Was active in this land! it is subdued, A woman holds it under lock and key, And every spring of courage is relaxed. Follow my counsel - venture nothing rashly. Some one approaches-go - - MORTIMER. And Mary hopes - Shall I return to her with empty comfort? LEICESTER. Bear her my vows of everlasting love. MORTIMER. Bear them yourself! I offered my assistance As her deliverer, not your messenger. [Exit. SCENE IX. ELIZABETH, LEICESTER. ELIZABETH. Say, who was here? I heard the sound of voices. LEICESTER (turning quickly and perplexed round on hearing the QUEEN). It was young Mortimer - - ELIZABETH. How now, my lord: Why so confused? LEICESTER (collecting himself). Your presence is the cause. Ne'er did I see thy beauty so resplendent, My sight is dazzled by thy heavenly charms. Oh! ELIZABETH. Whence this sigh? LEICESTER. Have I no reason, then, To sigh? When I behold you in your glory, I feel anew, with pain unspeakable, The loss which threatens me. ELIZABETH. What loss, my lord? LEICESTER. Your heart; your own inestimable self Soon will you feel yourself within the arms Of your young ardent husband, highly blessed; He will possess your heart without a rival. He is of royal blood, that am not I. Yet, spite of all the world can say, there lives not One on this globe who with such fervent zeal Adores you as the man who loses you. Anjou hath never seen you, can but love Your glory and the splendor of your reign; But I love you, and were you born of all The peasant maids the poorest, I the first Of kings, I would descend to your condition, And lay my crown and sceptre at your feet! ELIZABETH. Oh, pity me, my Dudley; do not blame me; I cannot ask my heart. Oh, that had chosen Far otherwise! Ah, how I envy others Who can exalt the object of their love! But I am not so blest: 'tis not my fortune To place upon the brows of him, the dearest Of men to me, the royal crown of England. The Queen of Scotland was allowed to make Her hand the token of her inclination; She hath had every freedom, and hath drunk, Even to the very dregs, the cup of joy. LEICESTER. And now she drinks the bitter cup of sorrow. ELIZABETH. She never did respect the world's opinion; Life was to her a sport; she never courted The yoke to which I bowed my willing neck. And yet, methinks, I had as just a claim As she to please myself and taste the joys Of life: but I preferred the rigid duties Which royalty imposed on me; yet she, She was the favorite of all the men Because she only strove to be a woman; And youth and age became alike her suitors. Thus are the men voluptuaries all! The willing slaves of levity and pleasure; Value that least which claims their reverence. And did not even Talbot, though gray-headed, Grow young again when speaking of her charms? LEICESTER. Forgive him, for he was her keeper once, And she has fooled him with her cunning wiles. ELIZABETH. And is it really true that she's so fair? So often have I been obliged to hear The praises of this wonder - it were well If I could learn on what I might depend: Pictures are flattering, and description lies; I will trust nothing but my own conviction. Why gaze you at me thus? LEICESTER. I placed in thought You and Maria Stuart side by side. Yes! I confess I oft have felt a wish, If it could be but secretly contrived, To see you placed beside the Scottish queen, Then would you feel, and not till then, the full Enjoyment of your triumph: she deserves To be thus humbled; she deserves to see, With her own eyes, and envy's glance is keen, Herself surpassed, to feel herself o'ermatched, As much by thee in form and princely grace As in each virtue that adorns the sex. ELIZABETH. In years she has the advantage - - LEICESTER. Has she so? I never should have thought it. But her griefs, Her sufferings, indeed! 'tis possible Have brought down age upon her ere her time. Yes, and 'twould mortify her more to see thee As bride - she hath already turned her back On each fair hope of life, and she would see thee Advancing towards the open arms of joy. See thee as bride of France's royal son, She who hath always plumed herself so high On her connection with the house of France, And still depends upon its mighty aid. ELIZABETH (with a careless air). I'm teazed to grant this interview. LEICESTER. She asks it As a favor; grant it as a punishment. For though you should conduct her to the block, Yet would it less torment her than to see Herself extinguished by your beauty's splendor. Thus can you murder her as she hath wished To murder you. When she beholds your beauty, Guarded by modesty, and beaming bright, In the clear glory of unspotted fame (Which she with thoughtless levity discarded), Exalted by the splendor of the crown, And blooming now with tender bridal graces - Then is the hour of her destruction come. Yes - when I now behold you - you were never, No, never were you so prepared to seal The triumph of your beauty. As but now You entered the apartment, I was dazzled As by a glorious vision from on high. Could you but now, now as you are, appear Before her, you could find no better moment. ELIZABETH. Now? no, not now; no, Leicester; this must be Maturely weighed - I must with Burleigh - - LEICESTER. Burleigh! To him you are but sovereign, and as such Alone he seeks your welfare; but your rights, Derived from womanhood, this tender point Must be decided by your own tribunal, Not by the statesman; yet e'en policy Demands that you should see her, and allure By such a generous deed the public voice. You can hereafter act as it may please you, To rid you of the hateful enemy. ELIZABETH. But would it then become me to behold My kinswoman in infamy and want? They say she is not royally attended; Would not the sight of her distress reproach me? LEICESTER. You need not cross her threshold; hear my counsel. A fortunate conjuncture favors it. The hunt you mean to honor with your presence Is in the neighborhood of Fotheringay; Permission may be given to Lady Stuart To take the air; you meet her in the park, As if by accident; it must not seem To have been planned, and should you not incline, You need not speak to her. ELIZABETH. If I am foolish, Be yours the fault, not mine. I would not care To-day to cross your wishes; for to-day I've grieved you more than all my other subjects. [Tenderly. Let it then be your fancy. Leicester, hence You see the free obsequiousness of love. Which suffers that which it cannot approve. [LEICESTER prostrates himself before her, and the curtain falls. ACT III. SCENE I. In a park. In the foreground trees; in the background a distant prospect. MARY advances, running from behind the trees. HANNAH KENNEDY follows slowly. KENNEDY. You hasten on as if endowed with wings; I cannot follow you so swiftly; wait. MARY. Freedom returns! Oh let me enjoy it. Let me be childish; be thou childish with me. Freedom invites me! Oh, let me employ it Skimming with winged step light o'er the lea; Have I escaped from this mansion of mourning? Holds me no more the sad dungeon of care? Let me, with joy and with eagerness burning, Drink in the free, the celestial air. KENNEDY. Oh, my dear lady! but a very little Is your sad gaol extended; you behold not The wall that shuts us in; these plaited tufts Of trees hide from your sight the hated object. MARY. Thanks to these friendly trees, that hide from me My prison walls, and flatter my illusion! Happy I now may deem myself, and free; Why wake me from my dream's so sweet confusion? The extended vault of heaven around me lies, Free and unfettered range my wandering eyes O'er space's vast, immeasurable sea! From where yon misty mountains rise on high I can my empire's boundaries explore; And those light clouds which, steering southwards, fly, Seek the mild clime of France's genial shore. Fast fleeting clouds! ye meteors that fly; Could I but with you sail through the sky! Tenderly greet the dear land of my youth! Here I am captive! oppressed by my foes, No other than you may carry my woes. Free through the ether your pathway is seen, Ye own not the power of this tyrant queen. KENNEDY. Alas! dear lady! You're beside yourself, This long-lost, long-sought freedom makes you rave. MARY. Yonder's a fisher returning to his home; Poor though it be, would he lend me his wherry, Quick to congenial shores would I ferry. Spare is his trade, and labor's his doom; Rich would I freight his vessel with treasure; Such a draught should be his as he never had seen; Wealth should he find in his nets without measure, Would he but rescue a poor captive queen. KENNEDY. Fond, fruitless wishes! See you not from far How we are followed by observing spies? A dismal, barbarous prohibition scares Each sympathetic being from our path. MARY. No, gentle Hannah! Trust me, not in vain My prison gates are opened. This small grace Is harbinger of greater happiness. No! I mistake not; 'tis the active hand Of love to which I owe this kind indulgence. I recognize in this the mighty arm Of Leicester. They will by degrees expand My prison; will accustom me, through small, To greater liberty, until at last I shall behold the face of him whose hand Will dash my fetters off, and that forever. KENNEDY. Oh, my dear queen! I cannot reconcile These contradictions. 'Twas but yesterday That they announced your death, and all at once, To-day, you have such liberty. Their chains Are also loosed, as I have oft been told, Whom everlasting liberty awaits. [Hunting horns at a distance. MARY. Hear'st then the bugle, so blithely resounding? Hear'st thou its echoes through wood and through plain? Oh, might I now, on my nimble steed bounding, Join with the jocund, the frolicsome train. [Hunting horns again heard. Again! Oh, this sad and this pleasing remembrance! These are the sounds which, so sprightly and clear, Oft, when with music the hounds and the horn So cheerfully welcomed the break of the morn, On the heaths of the Highlands delighted my ear. SCENE II. Enter PAULET. PAULET. Well, have I acted right at last, my lady? Do I for once, at least, deserve your thanks? MARY. How! Do I owe this favor, sir, to you? PAULET. Why not to me? I visited the court, And gave the queen your letter. MARY. Did you give it? In very truth did you deliver it? And is this freedom which I now enjoy The happy consequence? PAULET (significantly). Nor that alone; Prepare yourself to see a greater still. MARY. A greater still! What do you mean by that? PAULET. You heard the bugle-horns? MARY (starting back with foreboding apprehension). You frighten me. PAULET. The queen is hunting in the neighborhood - - MARY. What! PAULET. In a few moments she'll appear before you. KENNEDY (hastening towards MARY, and about to fall). How fare you, dearest lady? You grow pale. PAULET. How? Is't not well? Was it not then your prayer? 'Tis granted now, before it was expected; You who had ever such a ready speech, Now summon all your powers of eloquence, The important time to use them now is come. MARY. Oh, why was I not told of this before? Now I am not prepared for it - not now What, as the greatest favor, I besought, Seems to me now most fearful; Hannah, come, Lead me into the house, till I collect My spirits. PAULET. Stay; you must await her here. Yes! I believe you may be well alarmed To stand before your judge. SCENE III. Enter the EARL OF SHREWSBURY. MARY. 'Tis not for that, O God! Far other thoughts possess me now. Oh, worthy Shrewsbury! You come as though You were an angel sent to me from heaven. I cannot, will not see her. Save me, save me From the detested sight! SHREWSBURY. Your majesty, Command yourself, and summon all your courage, 'Tis the decisive moment of your fate. MARY. For years I've waited, and prepared myself. For this I've studied, weighed, and written down Each word within the tablet of my memory That was to touch and move her to compassion. Forgotten suddenly, effaced is all, And nothing lives within me at this moment But the fierce, burning feeling of my wrongs. My heart is turned to direst hate against her; All gentle thoughts, all sweet forgiving words, Are gone, and round me stand with grisly mien, The fiends of hell, and shake their snaky locks! SHREWSBURY. Command your wild, rebellious blood; - constrain The bitterness which fills your heart. No good Ensues when hatred is opposed to hate. How much soe'er the inward struggle cost You must submit to stern necessity, The power is in her hand, be therefore humble. MARY. To her? I never can. SHREWSBURY. But pray, submit. Speak with respect, with calmness! Strive to move Her magnanimity; insist not now Upon your rights, not now - 'tis not the season. MARY. Ah! woe is me! I've prayed for my destruction, And, as a curse to me, my prayer is heard. We never should have seen each other - never! Oh, this can never, never come to good. Rather in love could fire and water meet, The timid lamb embrace the roaring tiger! I have been hurt too grievously; she hath Too grievously oppressed me; - no atonement Can make us friends! SHREWSBURY. First see her, face to face: Did I not see how she was moved at reading Your letter? How her eyes were drowned in tears? No - she is not unfeeling; only place More confidence in her. It was for this That I came on before her, to entreat you To be collected - to admonish you - - MARY (seizing his hand). Oh, Talbot! you have ever been my friend, Had I but stayed beneath your kindly care! They have, indeed, misused me, Shrewsbury. SHREWSBURY. Let all be now forgot, and only think How to receive her with submissiveness. MARY. Is Burleigh with her, too, my evil genius? SHREWSBURY. No one attends her but the Earl of Leicester. MARY. Lord Leicester? SHREWSBURY. Fear not him; it is not he Who wishes your destruction; - 'twas his work That here the queen hath granted you this meeting. MARY. Ah! well I knew it. SHREWSBURY. What? PAULET. The queen approaches. [They all draw aside; MARY alone remains, leaning on KENNEDY. SCENE IV. The same, ELIZABETH, EARL OF LEICESTER, and Retinue. ELIZABETH (to LEICESTER). What seat is that, my lord? LEICESTER. 'Tis Fotheringay. ELIZABETH (to SHREWSBURY). My lord, send back our retinue to London; The people crowd too eager in the roads, We'll seek a refuge in this quiet park. [TALBOT sends the train away. She looks steadfastly at MARY, as she speaks further with PAULET. My honest people love me overmuch. These signs of joy are quite idolatrous. Thus should a God be honored, not a mortal. MARY (who the whole time had leaned, almost fainting, on KENNEDY, rises now, and her eyes meet the steady, piercing look of ELIZABETH; she shudders and throws herself again upon KENNEDY'S bosom). O God! from out these features speaks no heart. ELIZABETH. What lady's that? [A general, embarrassed silence. LEICESTER. You are at Fotheringay, My liege! ELIZABETH (as if surprised, casting an angry look at LEICESTER). Who hath done this, my Lord of Leicester? LEICESTER. 'Tis past, my queen; - and now that heaven hath led Your footsteps hither, be magnanimous; And let sweet pity be triumphant now. SHREWSBURY. Oh, royal mistress! yield to our entreaties; Oh, cast your eyes on this unhappy one Who stands dissolved in anguish. [MARY collects herself, and begins to advance towards ELIZABETH, stops shuddering at half way: her action expresses the most violent internal struggle. ELIZABETH. How, my lords! Which of you then announced to me a prisoner Bowed down by woe? I see a haughty one By no means humbled by calamity. MARY. Well, be it so: - to this will I submit. Farewell high thought, and pride of noble mind! I will forget my dignity, and all My sufferings; I will fall before her feet Who hath reduced me to this wretchedness. [She turns towards the QUEEN. The voice of heaven decides for you, my sister. Your happy brows are now with triumph crowned, I bless the Power Divine which thus hath raised you. But in your turn be merciful, my sister; [She kneels. Let me not lie before you thus disgraced; Stretch forth your hand, your royal hand, to raise Your sister from the depths of her distress. ELIZABETH (stepping back). You are where it becomes you, Lady Stuart; And thankfully I prize my God's protection, Who hath not suffered me to kneel a suppliant Thus at your feet, as you now kneel at mine. MARY (with increasing energy of feeling). Think on all earthly things, vicissitudes. Oh! there are gods who punish haughty pride: Respect them, honor them, the dreadful ones Who thus before thy feet have humbled me! Before these strangers' eyes dishonor not Yourself in me: profane not, nor disgrace The royal blood of Tudor. In my veins It flows as pure a stream as in your own. Oh, for God's pity, stand not so estranged And inaccessible, like some tall cliff, Which the poor shipwrecked mariner in vain Struggles to seize, and labors to embrace. My all, my life, my fortune now depends Upon the influence of my words and tears; That I may touch your heart, oh, set mine free. If you regard me with those icy looks My shuddering heart contracts itself, the stream Of tears is dried, and frigid horror chains The words of supplication in my bosom! ELIZABETH (cold and severe). What would you say to me, my Lady Stuart? You wished to speak with me; and I, forgetting The queen, and all the wrongs I have sustained, Fulfil the pious duty of the sister, And grant the boon you wished for of my presence. Yet I, in yielding to the generous feelings Of magnanimity, expose myself To rightful censure, that I stoop so low. For well you know you would have had me murdered. MARY. Oh! how shall I begin? Oh, how shall I So artfully arrange my cautious words That they may touch, yet not offend your heart? Strengthen my words, O Heaven! and take from them Whate'er might wound. Alas! I cannot speak In my own cause without impeaching you, And that most heavily, I wish not so; You have not as you ought behaved to me: I am a queen, like you: yet you have held me Confined in prison. As a suppliant I came to you, yet you in me insulted The pious use of hospitality; Slighting in me the holy law of nations, Immured me in a dungeon - tore from me My friends and servants; to unseemly want I was exposed, and hurried to the bar Of a disgraceful, insolent tribunal. No more of this; - in everlasting silence Be buried all the cruelties I suffered! See - I will throw the blame of all on fate, 'Twere not your fault, no more than it was mine. An evil spirit rose from the abyss, To kindle in our hearts the flame of hate, By which our tender youth had been divided. It grew with us, and bad, designing men Fanned with their ready breath the fatal fire: Frantics, enthusiasts, with sword and dagger Armed the uncalled-for hand! This is the curse Of kings, that they, divided, tear the world In pieces with their hatred, and let loose The raging furies of all hellish strife! No foreign tongue is now between us, sister, [Approaching her confidently, and with a flattering tone. Now stand we face to face; now, sister, speak: Name but my crime, I'll fully satisfy you, - Alas! had you vouchsafed to hear me then, When I so earnest sought to meet your eye, It never would have come to this, nor would, Here in this mournful place, have happened now This so distressful, this so mournful meeting. ELIZABETH. My better stars preserved me. I was warned, And laid not to my breast the poisonous adder! Accuse not fate! your own deceitful heart It was, the wild ambition of your house As yet no enmities had passed between us, When your imperious uncle, the proud priest, Whose shameless hand grasps at all crowns, attacked me With unprovoked hostility, and taught You, but too docile, to assume my arms, To vest yourself with my imperial title, And meet me in the lists in mortal strife: What arms employed he not to storm my throne? The curses of the priests, the people's sword, The dreadful weapons of religious frenzy; - Even here in my own kingdom's peaceful haunts He fanned the flames of civil insurrection; But God is with me, and the haughty priest Has not maintained the field. The blow was aimed Full at my head, but yours it is which falls! MARY. I'm in the hand of heaven. You never will Exert so cruelly the power it gives you. ELIZABETH. Who shall prevent me? Say, did not your uncle Set all the kings of Europe the example, How to conclude a peace with those they hate. Be mine the school of Saint Bartholomew; What's kindred then to me, or nation's laws? The church can break the bands of every duty; It consecrates the regicide, the traitor; I only practise what your priests have taught! Say then, what surety can be offered me, Should I magnanimously loose your bonds? Say, with what lock can I secure your faith, Which by Saint Peter's keys cannot be opened? Force is my only surety; no alliance Can be concluded with a race of vipers. MARY. Oh! this is but your wretched, dark suspicion! For you have constantly regarded me But as a stranger, and an enemy. Had you declared me heir to your dominions, As is my right, then gratitude and love In me had fixed, for you, a faithful friend And kinswoman. ELIZABETH. Your friendship is abroad, Your house is papacy, the monk your brother. Name you my successor! The treacherous snare! That in my life you might seduce my people; And, like a sly Armida, in your net Entangle all our noble English youth; That all might turn to the new rising sun, And I - - MARY. O sister, rule your realm in peace; I give up every claim to these domains - Alas! the pinions of my soul are lamed; Greatness entices me no more: your point Is gained; I am but Mary's shadow now - My noble spirit is at last broke down By long captivity: - you've done your worst On me; you have destroyed me in my bloom! Now, end your work, my sister; - speak at length The word, which to pronounce has brought you hither; For I will ne'er believe that you are come, To mock unfeelingly your hapless victim. Pronounce this word; - say, "Mary, you are free: You have already felt my power, - learn now To honor too my generosity." Say this, and I will take my life, will take My freedom, as a present from your hands. One word makes all undone; - I wait for it; - Oh, let it not be needlessly delayed. Woe to you if you end not with this word! For should you not, like some divinity, Dispensing noble blessings, quit me now, Then, sister, not for all this island's wealth, For all the realms encircled by the deep, Would I exchange my present lot for yours. ELIZABETH. And you confess at last that you are conquered: Are all your schemes run out? No more assassins Now on the road? Will no adventurer Attempt again for you the sad achievement? Yes, madam, it is over: - you'll seduce No mortal more. The world has other cares; - None is ambitious of the dangerous honor Of being your fourth husband - you destroy Your wooers like your husbands. MARY (starting angrily). Sister, sister! - Grant me forbearance, all ye powers of heaven! ELIZABETH (regards her long with a look of proud contempt). Those then, my Lord of Leicester, are the charms Which no man with impunity can view, Near which no woman dare to stand? In sooth, this honor has been cheaply gained; She who to all is common, may with ease Become the common object of applause. MARY. This is too much! ELIZABETH (laughing insultingly). You show us now, indeed, Your real face; till now 'twas but the mask. MARY (burning with rage, yet dignified and noble). My sins were human, and the faults of youth: Superior force misled me. I have never Denied or sought to hide it: I despised All false appearance, as became a queen. The worst of me is known, and I can say, That I am better than the fame I bear. Woe to you! when, in time to come, the world Shall draw the robe of honor from your deeds, With which thy arch-hypocrisy has veiled The raging flames of lawless, secret lust. Virtue was not your portion from your mother; Well know we what it was which brought the head Of Anna Boleyn to the fatal block. SHREWSBURY (stepping between both QUEENS). Oh! Heaven! Alas, and must it come to this! Is this the moderation, the submission, My lady? - - MARY. Moderation! I've supported What human nature can support: farewell, Lamb-hearted resignation, passive patience, Fly to thy native heaven; burst at length Thy bonds, come forward from thy dreary cave, In all thy fury, long suppressed rancor! And thou, who to the angered basilisk Impart'st the murderous glance, oh, arm my tongue With poisoned darts! SHREWSBURY. She is beside herself! Exasperated, mad! My liege, forgive her. [ELIZABETH, speechless with anger, casts enraged looks at MARY. LEICESTER (in the most violent agitation; he seeks to lead ELIZABETH away). Attend not to her rage! Away, away, From this disastrous place! MARY (raising her voice). A bastard soils, Profanes the English throne! The generous Britons Are cheated by a juggler, [whose whole figure Is false and painted, heart as well as face!] If right prevailed, you now would in the dust Before me lie, for I'm your rightful monarch! [ELIZABETH hastily quits the stage; the lords follow her in the greatest consternation. SCENE V. MARY, KENNEDY. KENNEDY. What have you done? She has gone hence in wrath All hope is over now! MARY (still quite beside herself). Gone hence in wrath! She carries death within her heart! I know it. [Falling on KENNEDY'S bosom. Now I am happy, Hannah! and at last, After whole years of sorrow and abasement, One moment of victorious revenge A weight falls off my heart, a weight of mountains; I plunged the steel in my oppressor's breast! KENNEDY. Unhappy lady! Frenzy overcomes you. Yes, you have wounded your inveterate foe; 'Tis she who wields the lightning, she is queen, You have insulted her before her minion. MARY. I have abased her before Leicester's eyes; He saw it, he was witness of my triumph. How did I hurl her from her haughty height, He saw it, and his presence strengthened me. SCENE VI. Enter MORTIMER. KENNEDY. Oh, Sir! What an occurrence! MORTIMER. I heard all - [Gives the nurse a sign to repair to her post, and draws nearer; his whole appearance expresses the utmost violence of passion. Thine is the palm; - thou trod'st her to the dust! - Thou wast the queen, she was the malefactor; - I am transported with thy noble courage; - Yes! I adore thee; like a Deity, My sense is dazzled by thy heavenly beams. MARY (with vivacity and expectation). You spoke with Leicester, gave my letter to him. My present, too? - oh, speak, sir. MORTIMER (beholding her with glowing looks). How thy noble, Thy royal indignation shone, and cast A glory round thy beauty; yes, by heavens, Thou art the fairest woman upon earth! MARY. Sir, satisfy, I beg you, my impatience; What says his lordship? Say, sir, may I hope? MORTIMER. Who? - he? - he is a wretch, a very coward, Hope naught from him; despise him, and forget him! MARY. What say you? MORTIMER. He deliver, and possess you! Why let him dare it: - he! - he must with me In mortal contest first deserve the prize! MARY. You gave him not my letter? Then, indeed My hopes are lost! MORTIMER. The coward loves his life. Whoe'er would rescue you, and call you his, Must boldly dare affront e'en death itself! MARY. Will he do nothing for me? MORTIMER. Speak not of him. What can he do? What need have we of him? I will release you; I alone. MARY. Alas! What power have you? MORTIMER. Deceive yourself no more; Think not your case is now as formerly; The moment that the queen thus quitted you, And that your interview had ta'en this turn, All hope was lost, each way of mercy shut. Now deeds must speak, now boldness must decide, To compass all must all be hazarded; You must be free before the morning break. MARY. What say you, sir - to-night? - impossible! MORTIMER. Hear what has been resolved: - I led my friends Into a private chapel, where a priest Heard our confession, and, for every sin We had committed, gave us absolution; He gave us absolution too, beforehand, For every crime we might commit in future; He gave us too the final sacrament, And we are ready for the final journey. MARY. Oh, what an awful, dreadful preparation! MORTIMER. We scale, this very night, the castle's walls; The keys are in my power; the guards we murder! Then from thy chamber bear thee forcibly. Each living soul must die beneath our hands, That none remain who might disclose the deed. MARY. And Drury, Paulet, my two keepers, they Would sooner spill their dearest drop of blood. MORTIMER. They fall the very first beneath my steel. MARY. What, sir! Your uncle? How! Your second father! MORTIMER. Must perish by my hand - I murder him! MARY. Oh, bloody outrage! MORTIMER. We have been absolved Beforehand; I may perpetrate the worst; I can, I will do so! MARY. Oh, dreadful, dreadful! MORTIMER. And should I be obliged to kill the queen, I've sworn upon the host, it must be done! MARY. No, Mortimer; ere so much blood for me - - MORTIMER. What is the life of all compared to thee, And to my love? The bond which holds the world Together may be loosed, a second deluge Come rolling on, and swallow all creation! Henceforth I value nothing; ere I quit My hold on thee, may earth and time be ended! MARY (retiring) Heavens! Sir, what language, and what looks! They scare, They frighten me! MORTIMER (with unsteady looks, expressive of great madness). Life's but a moment - death Is but a moment too. Why! let them drag me To Tyburn, let them tear me limb from limb, With red-hot pincers - - [Violently approaching her with extended arms. If I clasp but thee Within my arms, thou fervently beloved! MARY. Madman, avaunt! MORTIMER. To rest upon this bosom, To press upon this passion-breathing mouth - - MARY. Leave me, for God's sake, sir; let me go in - - MORTIMER. He is a madman who neglects to clasp His bliss in folds that never may be loosed, When Heaven has kindly given it to his arms. I will deliver you, and though it cost A thousand lives, I do it; but I swear, As God's in Heaven I will possess you too! MARY. Oh! will no God, no angel shelter me? Dread destiny! thou throwest me, in thy wrath, From one tremendous terror to the other! Was I then born to waken naught but frenzy? Do hate and love conspire alike to fright me! MORTIMER. Yes, glowing as their hatred is my love; They would behead thee, they would wound this neck, So dazzling white, with the disgraceful axe! Oh! offer to the living god of joy What thou must sacrifice to bloody hate! Inspire thy happy lover with those charms Which are no more thine own. Those golden locks Are forfeit to the dismal powers of death, Oh! use them to entwine thy slave forever! MARY. Alas! alas! what language must I hear! My woe, my sufferings should be sacred to you, Although my royal brows are so no more. MORTIMER. The crown is fallen from thy brows, thou hast No more of earthly majesty. Make trial, Raise thy imperial voice, see if a friend, If a deliverer will rise to save you. Thy moving form alone remains, the high, The godlike influence of thy heavenly beauty; This bids me venture all, this arms my hand With might, and drives me tow'rd the headsman's axe. MARY. Oh! who will save me from his raging madness? MORTIMER. Service that's bold demands a bold reward. Why shed their blood the daring? Is not life Life's highest good? And he a madman who Casts life away? First will I take my rest, Upon the breast that glows with love's own fire! [He presses her violently to his bosom. MARY. Oh, must I call for help against the man Who would deliver me! MORTIMER. Thou'rt not unfeeling, The world ne'er censured thee for frigid rigor; The fervent prayer of love can touch thy heart. Thou mad'st the minstrel Rizzio blest, and gavest Thyself a willing prey to Bothwell's arms. MARY. Presumptuous man! MORTIMER. He was indeed thy tyrant, Thou trembled'st at his rudeness, whilst thou loved'st him; Well, then - if only terror can obtain thee - By the infernal gods! MARY. Away - you're mad! MORTIMER. I'll teach thee then before me, too, to tremble. KENNEDY (entering suddenly). They're coming - they approach - the park is filled With men in arms. MORTIMER (starting and catching at his sword). I will defend you-I - - MARY. O Hannah! save me, save me from his hands. Where shall I find, poor sufferer, an asylum? Oh! to what saint shall I address my prayers? Here force assails me, and within is murder! [She flies towards the house, KENNEDY follows her. SCENE VII. MORTIMER, PAULET, and DRURY rush in in the greatest consternation. Attendants hasten over the stage. PAULET. Shut all the portals - draw the bridges up. MORTIMER. What is the matter, uncle? PAULET. Where is the murderess? Down with her, down into the darkest dungeon! MORTIMER. What is the matter? What has passed? PAULET. The queen! Accursed hand! Infernal machination! MORTIMER. The queen! What queen? PAULET. What queen! The Queen of England; She has been murdered on the road to London. [Hastens into the house. SCENE VIII. MORTIMER, soon after O'KELLY. MORTIMER (after a pause). Am I then mad? Came not one running by But now, and cried aloud, the queen is murdered! No, no! I did but dream. A feverish fancy Paints that upon my mind as true and real, Which but existed in my frantic thoughts. Who's there? It is O'Kelly. So dismayed! O'KELLY (rushing in). Flee, Mortimer, oh! flee - for all is lost! MORTIMER. What then is lost? O'KELLY. Stand not on question. Think On speedy flight. MORTIMER. What has occurred? O'KELLY. Sauvage, That madman, struck the blow. MORTIMER. It is then true! O'KELLY. True, true - oh! save yourself. MORTIMER (exultingly). The queen is murdered - And Mary shall ascend the English throne! O'KELLY. Is murdered! Who said that? MORTIMER. Yourself. O'KELLY. She lives, And I, and you, and all of us are lost. MORTIMER. She lives! O'KELLY. The blow was badly aimed, her cloak Received it. Shrewsbury disarmed the murderer. MORTIMER. She lives! O'KELLY. She lives to whelm us all in ruin; Come, they surround the park already; come. MORTIMER. Who did this frantic deed? O'KELLY. It was the monk From Toulon, whom you saw immersed in thought, As in the chapel the pope's bull was read, Which poured anathemas upon the queen. He wished to take the nearest, shortest way, To free, with one bold stroke, the church of God, And gain the crown of martyrdom: he trusted His purpose only to the priest, and struck The fatal blow upon the road to London. MORTIMER (after a long silence). Alas! a fierce, destructive fate pursues thee, Unhappy one! Yes - now thy death is fixed; Thy very angel has prepared thy fall! O'KELLY. Say, whither will you take your flight? I go To hide me in the forests of the north. MORTIMER. Fly thither, and may God attend your flight; I will remain, and still attempt to save My love; if not, my bed shall be upon her grave. [Exeunt at different sides. ACT IV. SCENE I. - Antechamber. COUNT AUBESPINE, the EARLS Of KENT and LEICESTER. AUBESPINE. How fares her majesty? My lords, you see me Still stunned, and quite beside myself for terror! How happened it? How was it possible That in the midst of this most loyal people - - LEICESTER. The deed was not attempted by the people. The assassin was a subject of your king, A Frenchman. AUBESPINE. Sure a lunatic. LEICESTER. A papist, Count Aubespine! SCENE II. Enter BURLEIGH, in conversation with DAVISON. BURLEIGH. Sir; let the death-warrant Be instantly made out, and pass the seal; Then let it be presented to the queen; Her majesty must sign it. Hasten, sir, We have no time to lose. DAVISON. It shall be done. [Exit. AUBESPINE. My lord high-treasurer, my faithful heart Shares in the just rejoicings of the realm. Praised be almighty Heaven, who hath averted Assassination from our much-loved queen! BURLEIGH. Praised be His name, who thus hath turned to scorn The malice of our foes! AUBESPINE. May heaven confound The perpetrator of this cursed deed! BURLEIGH. Its perpetrator and its base contriver! AUBESPINE. Please you, my lord, to bring me to the queen, That I may lay the warm congratulations Of my imperial master at her feet. BURLEIGH. There is no need of this. AUBESPINE (officiously). My Lord of Burleigh, I know my duty. BURLEIGH. Sir, your duty is To quit, and that without delay, this kingdom. AUBESPINE (stepping back with surprise). What! How is this? BURLEIGH. The sacred character Of an ambassador to-day protects you, But not to-morrow. AUBESPINE. What's my crime? BURLEIGH. Should I Once name it, there were then no pardon for it. AUBESPINE. I hope, my lord, my charge's privilege - - BURLEIGH. Screens not a traitor. LEICESTER and KENT. Traitor! How? AUBESPINE. My Lord, Consider well - - BURLEIGH. Your passport was discovered In the assassin's pocket. KENT. Righteous heaven! AUBESPINE. Sir, many passports are subscribed by me; I cannot know the secret thoughts of men. BURLEIGH. He in your house confessed, and was absolved. AUBESPINE. My house is open - - BURLEIGH. To our enemies. AUBESPINE. I claim a strict inquiry. BURLEIGH. Tremble at it. AUBESPINE. My monarch in my person is insulted, He will annul the marriage contract. BURLEIGH. That My royal mistress has annulled already; England will not unite herself with France. My Lord of Kent, I give to you the charge To see Count Aubespine embarked in safety. The furious populace has stormed his palace, Where a whole arsenal of arms was found; Should he be found, they'll tear him limb from limb, Conceal him till the fury is abated - You answer for his life. AUBESPINE. I go - I leave This kingdom where they sport with public treaties And trample on the laws of nations. Yet My monarch, be assured, will vent his rage In direst vengeance! BURLEIGH. Let him seek it here. [Exeunt KENT and AUBESPINE. SCENE III. LEICESTER, BURLEIGH. LEICESTER. And thus you loose yourself the knot of union Which you officiously, uncalled for, bound! You have deserved but little of your country, My lord; this trouble was superfluous. BURLEIGH. My aim was good, though fate declared against it; Happy is he who has so fair a conscience! LEICESTER. Well know we the mysterious mien of Burleigh When he is on the hunt for deeds of treason. Now you are in your element, my lord; A monstrous outrage has been just committed, And darkness veils as yet its perpetrators: Now will a court of inquisition rise; Each word, each look be weighed; men's very thoughts Be summoned to the bar. You are, my lord, The mighty man, the Atlas of the state, All England's weight lies upon your shoulders. BURLEIGH. In you, my lord, I recognize my master; For such a victory as your eloquence Has gained I cannot boast. LEICESTER. What means your lordship? BURLEIGH. You were the man who knew, behind my back, To lure the queen to Fotheringay Castle. LEICESTER. Behind your back! When did I fear to act Before your face? BURLEIGH. You led her majesty? Oh, no - you led her not - it was the queen Who was so gracious as to lead you thither. LEICESTER. What mean you, my lord, by that? BURLEIGH. The noble part You forced the queen to play! The glorious triumph Which you prepared for her! Too gracious princess! So shamelessly, so wantonly to mock Thy unsuspecting goodness, to betray thee So pitiless to thy exulting foe! This, then, is the magnanimity, the grace Which suddenly possessed you in the council! The Stuart is for this so despicable, So weak an enemy, that it would scarce Be worth the pains to stain us with her blood. A specious plan! and sharply pointed too; 'Tis only pity this sharp point is broken. LEICESTER. Unworthy wretch! this instant follow me, And answer at the throne this insolence. BURLEIGH. You'll find me there, my lord; and look you well That there your eloquence desert you not. [Exit. SCENE IV. LEICESTER alone, then MORTIMER. LEICESTER. I am detected! All my plot's disclosed! How has my evil genius tracked my steps! Alas! if he has proofs, if she should learn That I have held a secret correspondence With her worst enemy; how criminal Shall I appear to her! How false will then My counsel seem, and all the fatal pains I took to lure the queen to Fotheringay! I've shamefully betrayed, I have exposed her To her detested enemy's revilings! Oh! never, never can she pardon that. All will appear as if premeditated. The bitter turn of this sad interview, The triumph and the tauntings of her rival; Yes, e'en the murderous hand which had prepared A bloody, monstrous, unexpected fate; All, all will be ascribed to my suggestions! I see no rescue! nowhere - ha! Who comes? [MORTIMER enters in the most violent uneasiness, and looks with apprehension round him. MORTIMER. Lord Leicester! Is it you! Are we alone? LEICESTER. Ill-fated wretch, away! What seek you here? MORTIMER. They are upon our track - upon yours, too; Be vigilant! LEICESTER. Away, away! MORTIMER. They know That private conferences have been held At Aubespine's - - LEICESTER. What's that to me? MORTIMER. They know, too, That the assassin - - LEICESTER. That is your affair - Audacious wretch! to dare to mix my name In your detested outrage: go; defend Your bloody deeds yourself! MORTIMER. But only hear me. LEICESTER (violently enraged). Down, down to hell! Why cling you at my heels Like an infernal spirit! I disclaim you; I know you not; I make no common cause With murderers! MORTIMER. You will not hear me, then! I came to warn you; you too are detected. LEICESTER. How! What? MORTIMER. Lord Burleigh went to Fotheringay Just as the luckless deed had been attempted; Searched with strict scrutiny the queen's apartments, And found there - - LEICESTER. What? MORTIMER. A letter which the queen Had just addressed to you - - LEICESTER. Unhappy woman! MORTIMER. In which she calls on you to keep your word, Renews the promise of her hand, and mentions The picture which she sent you. LEICESTER. Death and hell! MORTIMER. Lord Burleigh has the letter. LEICESTER. I am lost! [During the following speech of MORTIMER, LEICESTER goes up and down as in despair. MORTIMER. Improve the moment; be beforehand with him, And save yourself - save her! An oath can clear Your fame; contrive excuses to avert The worst. I am disarmed, can do no more; My comrades are dispersed - to pieces fallen Our whole confederacy. For Scotland I To rally such new friends as there I may. 'Tis now your turn, my lord; try what your weight, What bold assurance can effect. LEICESTER (stops suddenly as if resolved). I will. [Goes to the door, opens it, and calls. Who waits without? Guards! seize this wretched traitor! [To the officer, who comes in with soldiers. And guard him closely! A most dreadful plot Is brought to light - I'll to her majesty. MORTIMER (stands for a time petrified with wonder; collects himself soon, and follows LEICESTER with his looks expressive of the most sovereign contempt). Infamous wretch! But I deserve it all. Who told me then to trust this practised villain? Now o'er my head he strides, and on my fall He builds the bridge of safety! be it so; Go, save thyself - my lips are sealed forever; I will not join even thee in my destruction; I would not own thee, no, not even in death; Life is the faithless villain's only good! [To the officer of the guard, who steps forward to seize him. What wilt thou, slave of tyranny, with me? I laugh to scorn thy threatenings; I am free. [Drawing a dagger. OFFICER. He's armed; rush in and wrest his weapon from him. [They rush upon him, he defends himself. MORTIMER (raising his voice). And in this latest moment shall my heart Expand itself in freedom, and my tongue Shall break this long constraint. Curse and destruction Light on you all who have betrayed your faith, Your God, and your true sovereign! Who, alike To earthly Mary false as to the heavenly, Have sold your duties to this bastard queen! OFFICER. Hear you these blasphemies? Rush forward - seize him. MORTIMER. Beloved queen! I could not set thee free; Yet take a lesson from me how to die. Mary, thou holy one, O! pray for me! And take me to thy heavenly home on high. [Stabs himself, and falls into the arms of the guard. SCENE V. The apartment of the Queen. ELIZABETH, with a letter in her hand, BURLEIGH. ELIZABETH. To lure me thither! trifle with me thus! The traitor! Thus to lead me, as in triumph, Into the presence of his paramour! Oh, Burleigh! ne'er was woman so deceived. BURLEIGH. I cannot yet conceive what potent means, What magic he exerted, to surprise My queen's accustomed prudence. ELIZABETH. Oh, I die For shame! How must he laugh to scorn my weakness! I thought to humble her, and was myself The object of her bitter scorn. BURLEIGH. By this You see how faithfully I counselled you. ELIZABETH. Oh, I am sorely punished, that I turned My ear from your wise counsels; yet I thought I might confide in him. Who could suspect Beneath the vows of faithfullest devotion A deadly snare? In whom can I confide When he deceives me? He, whom I have made The greatest of the great, and ever set The nearest to my heart, and in this court Allowed to play the master and the king. BURLEIGH. Yet in that very moment he betrayed you, Betrayed you to this wily Queen of Scots. ELIZABETH. Oh, she shall pay me for it with her life! Is the death-warrant ready? BURLEIGH. 'Tis prepared As you commanded. ELIZABETH. She shall surely die - He shall behold her fall, and fall himself! I've driven him from my heart. No longer love, Revenge alone is there: and high as once He stood, so low and shameful be his fall! A monument of my severity, As once the proud example of my weakness. Conduct him to the Tower; let a commission Of peers be named to try him. He shall feel In its full weight the rigor of the law. BURLEIGH. But he will seek thy presence; he will clear - - ELIZABETH. How can he clear himself? Does not the letter Convict him. Oh, his crimes are manifest! BURLEIGH. But thou art mild and gracious! His appearance, His powerful presence - - ELIZABETH. I will never see him; No never, never more. Are orders given Not to admit him should he come? BURLEIGH. 'Tis done. PAGE (entering). The Earl of Leicester! ELIZABETH. The presumptuous man! I will not see him. Tell him that I will not. PAGE. I am afraid to bring my lord this message, Nor would he credit it. ELIZABETH. And I have raised him So high that my own servants tremble more At him than me! BURLEIGH (to the PAGE). The queen forbids his presence. [The PAGE retires slowly. ELIZABETH (after a pause). Yet, if it still were possible? If he Could clear himself? Might it not be a snare Laid by the cunning one, to sever me From my best friends - the ever-treacherous harlot! She might have writ the letter, but to raise Poisonous suspicion in my heart, to ruin The man she hates. BURLEIGH. Yet, gracious queen, consider. SCENE VI. LEICESTER (bursts open the door with violence, and enters with an imperious air). LEICESTER. Fain would I see the shameless man who dares Forbid me the apartments of my queen! ELIZABETH (avoiding his sight). Audacious slave! LEICESTER. To turn me from the door! If for a Burleigh she be visible, She must be so to me! BURLEIGH. My lord, you are Too bold, without permission to intrude. LEICESTER. My lord, you are too arrogant, to take The lead in these apartments. What! Permission! I know of none who stands so high at court As to permit my doings, or refuse them. [Humbly approaching ELIZABETH. 'Tis from my sovereign's lips alone that I - - ELIZABETH (without looking at him). Out of my sight, deceitful, worthless traitor! LEICESTER. 'Tis not my gracious queen I hear, but Burleigh, My enemy, in these ungentle words. To my imperial mistress I appeal; Thou hast lent him thine ear; I ask the like. ELIZABETH. Speak, shameless wretch! Increase your crime - deny it. LEICESTER. Dismiss this troublesome intruder first. Withdraw, my lord; it is not of your office To play the third man here: between the queen And me there is no need of witnesses. Retire - - ELIZABETH (to BURLEIGH). Remain, my lord; 'tis my command. LEICESTER. What has a third to do 'twixt thee and me? I have to clear myself before my queen, My worshipped queen; I will maintain the rights Which thou hast given me; these rights are sacred, And I insist upon it, that my lord Retire. ELIZABETH. This haughty tone befits you well. LEICESTER. It well befits me; am not I the man, The happy man, to whom thy gracious favor Has given the highest station? this exalts me Above this Burleigh, and above them all. Thy heart imparted me this rank, and what Thy favor gave, by heavens I will maintain At my life's hazard. Let him go, it needs Two moments only to exculpate me. ELIZABETH. Think not, with cunning words, to hide the truth. LEICESTER. That fear from him, so voluble of speech: But what I say is to the heart addressed; And I will justify what I have dared To do, confiding in thy generous favor, Before thy heart alone. I recognize No other jurisdiction. ELIZABETH. Base deceiver 'Tis this, e'en this, which above all condemns you. My lord, produce the letter. [To BURLEIGH. BURLEIGH. Here it is. LEICESTER (running over the letter without losing his presence of mind). 'Tis Mary Stuart's hand - - ELIZABETH. Read and be dumb! LEICESTER (having read it quietly). Appearance is against me, yet I hope I shall not by appearances be judged. ELIZABETH. Can you deny your secret correspondence With Mary? - that she sent and you received Her picture, that you gave her hopes of rescue? LEICESTER. It were an easy matter, if I felt That I were guilty of a crime, to challenge The testimony of my enemy: Yet bold is my good conscience. I confess That she hath said the truth. ELIZABETH. Well then, thou wretch! BURLEIGH. His own words sentence him - - ELIZABETH. Out of my sight! Away! Conduct the traitor to the Tower! LEICESTER. I am no traitor; it was wrong, I own, To make a secret of this step to thee; Yet pure was my intention, it was done To search into her plots and to confound them. ELIZABETH. Vain subterfuge! BURLEIGH. And do you think, my lord - - LEICESTER. I've played a dangerous game, I know it well, And none but Leicester dare be bold enough To risk it at this court. The world must know How I detest this Stuart, and the rank Which here I hold; my monarch's confidence, With which she honors me, must sure suffice To overturn all doubt of my intentions. Well may the man thy favor above all Distinguishes pursue a daring course To do his duty! BURLEIGH. If the course was good, Wherefore conceal it? LEICESTER. You are used, my lord, To prate before you act; the very chime Of your own deeds. This is your manner, lord; But mine is first to act, and then to speak. BURLEIGH. Yes, now you speak because you must. LEICESTER (measuring him proudly and disdainfully with his eyes). And you Boast of a wonderful, a mighty action, That you have saved the queen, have snatched away The mask from treachery; all is known to you; You think, forsooth, that nothing can escape Your penetrating eyes. Poor, idle boaster! In spite of all your cunning, Mary Stuart Was free to-day, had I not hindered it. BURLEIGH. How? You? LEICESTER. Yes, I, my lord; the queen confided In Mortimer; she opened to the youth Her inmost soul! Yes, she went further still; She gave him, too, a secret, bloody charge, Which Paulet had before refused with horror. Say, is it so, or not? [The QUEEN and BURLEIGH look at one another with astonishment. BURLEIGH. Whence know ye this? LEICESTER. Nay, is it not a fact? Now answer me. And where, my lord, where were your thousand eyes, Not to discover Mortimer was false? That he, the Guise's tool, and Mary's creature, A raging papist, daring fanatic, Was come to free the Stuart, and to murder The Queen of England! ELIZABETH (with the utmost astonishment). How! This Mortimer! LEICESTER. 'Twas he through whom our correspondence passed. This plot it was which introduced me to him. This very day she was to have been torn From her confinement; he, this very moment, Disclosed his plan to me: I took him prisoner, And gave him to the guard, when in despair To see his work o'erturned, himself unmasked, He slew himself! ELIZABETH. Oh, I indeed have been Deceived beyond example, Mortimer! BURLEIGH. This happened then but now? Since last we parted? LEICESTER. For my own sake, I must lament the deed; That he was thus cut off. His testimony, Were he alive, had fully cleared my fame, And freed me from suspicion; 'twas for this That I surrendered him to open justice. I thought to choose the most impartial course To verify and fix my innocence Before the world. BURLEIGH. He killed himself, you say Is't so? Or did you kill him? LEICESTER. Vile suspicion! Hear but the guard who seized him. [He goes to the door, and calls. Ho! who waits? [Enter the officer of the guard. Sir, tell the queen how Mortimer expired. OFFICER. I was on duty in the palace porch, When suddenly my lord threw wide the door, And ordered me to take the knight in charge, Denouncing him a traitor: upon this He grew enraged, and with most bitter curses Against our sovereign and our holy faith, He drew a dagger, and before the guards Could hinder his intention, plunged the steel Into his heart, and fell a lifeless corpse. LEICESTER. 'Tis well; you may withdraw. Her majesty Has heard enough. [The officer withdraws. ELIZABETH. Oh, what a deep abyss Of monstrous deeds? LEICESTER. Who was it, then, my queen, Who saved you? Was it Burleigh? Did he know The dangers which surrounded you? Did he Avert them from your head? Your faithful Leicester Was your good angel. BURLEIGH. This same Mortimer Died most conveniently for you, my lord. ELIZABETH. What I should say I know not. I believe you, And I believe you not. I think you guilty, And yet I think you not. A curse on her Who caused me all this anguish. LEICESTER. She must die; I now myself consent unto her death. I formerly advised you to suspend The sentence, till some arm should rise anew On her behalf; the case has happened now, And I demand her instant execution. BURLEIGH. You give this counsel? You? LEICESTER. Howe'er it wound My feelings to be forced to this extreme, Yet now I see most clearly, now I feel That the queen's welfare asks this bloody victim. 'Tis my proposal, therefore, that the writ Be drawn at once to fix the execution. BURLEIGH (to the QUEEN). Since, then, his lordship shows such earnest zeal, Such loyalty, 'twere well were he appointed To see the execution of the sentence. LEICESTER. Who? I? BURLEIGH. Yes, you; you surely ne'er could find A better means to shake off the suspicion Which rests upon you still, than to command Her, whom 'tis said you love, to be beheaded. ELIZABETH (looking steadfastly at LEICESTER). My lord advises well. So be it, then. LEICESTER. It were but fit that my exalted rank Should free me from so mournful a commission, Which would indeed, in every sense, become A Burleigh better than the Earl of Leicester. The man who stands so near the royal person Should have no knowledge of such fatal scenes: But yet to prove my zeal, to satisfy My queen, I waive my charge's privilege, And take upon myself this hateful duty. ELIZABETH. Lord Burleigh shall partake this duty with you. [To BURLEIGH. So be the warrant instantly prepared. [BURLEIGH withdraws; a tumult heard without. SCENE VII. The QUEEN, the EARL OF KENT. ELIZABETH. How now, my Lord of Kent? What uproar's this I hear without? KENT. My queen, it is thy people, Who, round the palace ranged, impatiently Demand to see their sovereign. ELIZABETH. What's their wish? KENT. A panic terror has already spread Through London, that thy life has been attempted; That murderers commissioned from the pope Beset thee; that the Catholics have sworn To rescue from her prison Mary Stuart, And to proclaim her queen. Thy loyal people Believe it, and are mad; her head alone Can quiet them; this day must be her last. ELIZABETH. How! Will they force me, then? KENT. They are resolved - - SCENE VIII. Enter BURLEIGH and DAVISON, with a paper. ELIZABETH. Well, Davison? DAVISON (approaches earnestly). Your orders are obeyed, My queen - - ELIZABETH. What orders, sir? [As she is about to take the paper, she shudders, and starts back. Oh, God! BURLEIGH. Obey Thy people's voice; it is the voice of God. ELIZABETH (irresolute, as if in contest with herself) Oh, my good lord, who will assure me now That what I hear is my whole people's voice, The voice of all the world! Ah! much I fear, That, if I now should listen to the wish Of the wild multitude, a different voice Might soon be heard; - and that the very men, Who now by force oblige me to this step, May, when 'tis taken, heavily condemn me! SCENE IX. Enter the EARL OF SHREWSBURY (who enters with great emotion). SHREWSBURY. Hold fast, my queen, they wish to hurry thee; [Seeing DAVISON with the paper. Be firm - or is it then decided? - is it Indeed decided? I behold a paper Of ominous appearance in his hand; Let it not at this moment meet thy eyes, My queen! - - ELIZABETH. Good Shrewsbury! I am constrained - - SHREWSBURY. Who can constrain thee? Thou art Queen of England, Here must thy majesty assert its rights: Command those savage voices to be silent, Who take upon themselves to put constraint Upon thy royal will, to rule thy judgment. Fear only, blind conjecture, moves thy people; Thou art thyself beside thyself; thy wrath Is grievously provoked: thou art but mortal, And canst not thus ascend the judgment seat. BURLEIGH. Judgment has long been past. It is not now The time to speak but execute the sentence. KENT (who upon SHREWSBURY'S entry had retired, comes back). The tumult gains apace; there are no means To moderate the people. ELIZABETH (to SHREWSBURY). See, my lord, How they press on. SHREWSBURY. I only ask a respite; A single word traced by thy hand decides The peace, the happiness of all thy life! Thou hast for years considered, let not then A moment ruled by passion hurry thee - But a short respite - recollect thyself! Wait for a moment of tranquillity. BURLEIGH (violently). Wait for it - pause - delay - till flames of fire Consume the realm; until the fifth attempt Of murder be successful! God, indeed, Hath thrice delivered thee; thy late escape Was marvellous, and to expect again A miracle would be to tempt thy God! SHREWSBURY. That God, whose potent hand hath thrice preserved thee, Who lent my aged feeble arm its strength To overcome the madman: - he deserves Thy confidence. I will not raise the voice Of justice now, for now is not the time; Thou canst not hear it in this storm of passion. Yet listen but to this! Thou tremblest now Before this living Mary - tremble rather Before the murdered, the beheaded Mary. She will arise, and quit her grave, will range A fiend of discord, an avenging ghost, Around thy realm, and turn thy people's hearts From their allegiance. For as yet the Britons Hate her, because they fear her; but most surely Will they avenge her when she is no more. They will no more behold the enemy Of their belief, they will but see in her The much-lamented issue of their kings A sacrifice to jealousy and hate. Then quickly shalt thou see the sudden change When thou hast done the bloody deed; then go Through London, seek thy people, which till now Around thee swarmed delighted; thou shalt see Another England, and another people; For then no more the godlike dignity Of justice, which subdued thy subjects' hearts, Will beam around thee. Fear, the dread ally Of tyranny, will shuddering march before thee, And make a wilderness in every street - The last, extremest crime thou hast committed. What head is safe, if the anointed fall? ELIZABETH. Ah! Shrewsbury, you saved my life, you turned The murderous steel aside; why let you not The dagger take its course? then all these broils Would have been ended; then, released from doubt, And free from blame, I should be now at rest In my still, peaceful grave. In very sooth I'm weary of my life, and of my crown. If Heaven decree that one of us two queens Must perish, to secure the other's life - And sure it must be so - why should not I Be she who yields? My people must decide; I give them back the sovereignty they gave. God is my witness that I have not lived For my own sake, but for my people's welfare. If they expect from this false, fawning Stuart, The younger sovereign, more happy days, I will descend with pleasure from the throne, Again repair to Woodstock's quiet bowers, Where once I spent my unambitious youth; Where far removed from all the vanities Of earthly power, I found within myself True majesty. I am not made to rule - A ruler should be made of sterner stuff: My heart is soft and tender. I have governed These many years this kingdom happily, But then I only needed to make happy: Now, comes my first important regal duty, And now I feel how weak a thing I am. BURLEIGH. Now by mine honor, when I hear my queen, My royal liege, speak such unroyal words, I should betray my office, should betray My country, were I longer to be silent. You say you love your people 'bove yourself, Now prove it. Choose not peace for your own heart, And leave your kingdom to the storms of discord. Think on the church. Shall, with this papist queen The ancient superstition be renewed? The monk resume his sway, the Roman legate In pomp march hither; lock our churches up, Dethrone our monarchs? I demand of you The souls of all your subjects - as you now Shall act, they all are saved, or all are lost! Here is no time for mercy; - to promote Your people's welfare is your highest duty. If Shrewsbury has saved your life, then I Will save both you and England - that is more! ELIZABETH. I would be left alone. No consolation, No counsel can be drawn from human aid In this conjecture: - I will lay my doubts Before the Judge of all: - I am resolved To act as He shall teach. Withdraw, my lords. [To DAVISON, who lays the paper on the table. You, sir, remain in waiting - close at hand. [The lords withdraw, SHREWSBURY alone stands for a few moments before the QUEEN, regards her significantly, then withdraws slowly, and with an expression of the deepest anguish. SCENE X. ELIZABETH alone. Oh! servitude of popularity! Disgraceful slavery! How weary am I Of flattering this idol, which my soul Despises in its inmost depth! Oh! when Shall I once more be free upon this throne? I must respect the people's voice, and strive To win the favor of the multitude, And please the fancies of a mob, whom naught But jugglers' tricks delight. O call not him A king who needs must please the world: 'tis he Alone, who in his actions does not heed The fickle approbation of mankind. Have I then practised justice, all my life Shunned each despotic deed; have I done this Only to bind my hands against this first, This necessary act of violence? My own example now condemns myself! Had I but been a tyrant, like my sister, My predecessor, I could fearless then Have shed this royal blood: - but am I now Just by my own free choice? No - I was forced By stern necessity to use this virtue; Necessity, which binds e'en monarch's wills. Surrounded by my foes, my people's love Alone supports me on my envied throne. All Europe's powers confederate to destroy me; The pope's inveterate decree declares me Accursed and excommunicated. France Betrays me with a kiss, and Spain prepares At sea a fierce exterminating war; Thus stand I, in contention with the world, A poor defenceless woman: I must seek To veil the spot in my imperial birth, By which my father cast disgrace upon me: In vain with princely virtues would I hide it; The envious hatred of my enemies Uncovers it, and places Mary Stuart, A threatening fiend, before me evermore! [Walking up and down, with quick and agitated steps. Oh, no! this fear must end. Her head must fall! I will have peace. She is the very fury Of my existence; a tormenting demon, Which destiny has fastened on my soul. Wherever I had planted me a comfort, A flattering hope, my way was ever crossed By this infernal viper! She has torn My favorite, and my destined bridegroom from me. The hated name of every ill I feel Is Mary Stuart - were but she no more On earth I should be free as mountain air. [Standing still. With what disdain did she look down on me, As if her eye should blast me like the lightning! Poor feeble wretch! I bear far other arms, Their touch is mortal, and thou art no more. [Advancing to the table hastily, and taking the pen. I am a bastard, am I? Hapless wretch, I am but so the while thou liv'st and breath'st. Thy death will make my birth legitimate. The moment I destroy thee is the doubt Destroyed which hangs o'er my imperial right. As soon as England has no other choice, My mother's honor and my birthright triumphs! [She signs with resolution; lets her pen then fall, and steps back with an expression of terror. After a pause she rings. SCENE XI. ELIZABETH, DAVISON. ELIZABETH. Where are their lordships? DAVISON. They are gone to quell The tumult of the people. The alarm Was instantly appeased when they beheld The Earl of Shrewsbury. That's he! exclaimed A hundred voices - that's the man - he saved The queen; hear him - the bravest man in England! And now began the gallant Talbot, blamed In gentle words the people's violence, And used such strong, persuasive eloquence, That all were pacified, and silently They slunk away. ELIZABETH. The fickle multitude! Which turns with every wind. Unhappy he Who leans upon this reed! 'Tis well, Sir William; You may retire again - - [As he is going towards the door. And, sir, this paper, Receive it back; I place it in your hands. DAVISON (casts a look upon the paper, and starts back). My gracious queen - thy name! 'tis then decided. ELIZABETH. I had but to subscribe it - I have done so - A paper sure cannot decide - a name Kills not. DAVISON. Thy name, my queen, beneath this paper Is most decisive - kills - 'tis like the lightning, Which blasteth as it flies! This fatal scroll Commands the sheriff and commissioners To take departure straight for Fotheringay, And to the Queen of Scots announce her death, Which must at dawn be put in execution. There is no respite, no discretion here. As soon as I have parted with this writ Her race is run. ELIZABETH. Yes, sir, the Lord has placed This weighty business in your feeble hands; Seek him in prayer to light you with his wisdom; I go - and leave you, sir, to do your duty. [Going. DAVISON. No; leave me not, my queen, till I have heard Your will. The only wisdom that I need Is, word for word, to follow your commands. Say, have you placed this warrant in my hands To see that it be speedily enforced? ELIZABETH. That you must do as your own prudence dictates. DAVISON (interrupting her quickly, and alarmed). Not mine - oh, God forbid! Obedience is My only prudence here. No point must now Be left to be decided by your servant. A small mistake would here be regicide, A monstrous crime, from which my soul recoils. Permit me, in this weighty act, to be Your passive instrument, without a will: - Tell me in plain, undoubted terms your pleasure, What with the bloody mandate I should do. ELIZABETH. Its name declares its meaning. DAVISON. Do you, then, My liege, command its instant execution? ELIZABETH. I said not that; I tremble but to think it. DAVISON. Shall I retain it, then, 'till further orders? ELIZABETH. At your own risk; you answer the event. DAVISON. I! gracious heavens! Oh, speak, my queen, your pleasure! ELIZABETH. My pleasure is that this unhappy business Be no more mentioned to me; that at last I may be freed from it, and that forever. DAVISON. It costs you but a word - determine then What shall I do with this mysterious scroll? ELIZABETH. I have declared it, plague me, sir, no longer. DAVISON. You have declared it, say you? Oh, my queen, You have said nothing. Please, my gracious mistress, But to remember - - ELIZABETH (stamps on the ground). Insupportable! DAVISON. Oh, be indulgent to me! I have entered Unwittingly, not many months ago, Upon this office; I know not the language Of courts and kings. I ever have been reared In simple, open wise, a plain blunt man. Be patient with me; nor deny your servant A light to lead him clearly to his duty. [He approaches her in a supplicating posture, she turns her back on him; he stands in despair; then speaks with a tone of resolution. Take, take again this paper - take it back! Within my hands it is a glowing fire. Select not me, my queen; select not me To serve you in this terrible conjecture. ELIZABETH. Go, sir; - fulfil the duty of your office. [Exit. SCENE XII. DAVISON, then BURLEIGH. DAVISON. She goes! She leaves me doubting and perplexed With this dread paper! How to act I know not; Should I retain it, should I forward it? [To BURLEIGH, who enters. Oh! I am glad that you are come, my lord, 'Tis you who have preferred me to this charge; Now free me from it, for I undertook it, Unknowing how responsible it made me. Let me then seek again the obscurity In which you found me; this is not my place. BURLEIGH. How now? Take courage, sir! Where is the warrant? The queen was with you. DAVISON. She has quitted me In bitter anger. Oh, advise me, help me, Save me from this fell agony of doubt! My lord, here is the warrant: it is signed! BURLEIGH. Indeed! Oh, give it, give it me! DAVISON. I may not. BURLEIGH. How! DAVISON. She has not yet explained her final will. BURLEIGH. Explained! She has subscribed it; - give it to me. DAVISON. I am to execute it, and I am not. Great heavens! I know not what I am to do! BURLEIGH (urging more violently). It must be now, this moment, executed. The warrant, sir. You're lost if you delay. DAVISON. So am I also if I act too rashly. BURLEIGH. What strange infatuation. Give it me. [Snatches the paper from him, and exit with it. DAVISON. What would you? Hold? You will be my destruction. ACT V. SCENE I. The Scene the same as in the First Act. HANNAH KENNEDY in deep mourning, her eyes still red from weeping, in great but quiet anguish, is employed in sealing letters and parcels. Her sorrow often interrupts her occupation, and she is seen at such intervals to pray in silence. PAULET and DRURY, also in mourning, enter, followed by many servants, who bear golden and silver vessels, mirrors, paintings, and other valuables, and fill the back part of the stage with them. PAULET delivers to the NURSE a box of jewels and a paper, and seems to inform her by signs that it contains the inventory of the effects the QUEEN had brought with her. At the sight of these riches, the anguish of the NURSE is renewed; she sinks into a deep, glowing melancholy, during which DRURY, PAULET, and the servants silently retire. MELVIL enters. KENNEDY (screams aloud as soon as she observes him). Melvil! Is it you? Behold I you again? MELVIL. Yes, faithful Kennedy, we meet once more. KENNEDY. After this long, long, painful separation! MELVIL. A most unhappy, bitter meeting this! KENNEDY. You come - - MELVIL. To take an everlasting leave Of my dear queen - to bid a last farewell! KENNEDY. And now at length, now on the fatal morn Which brings her death, they grant our royal lady The presence of her friends. Oh, worthy sir, I will not question you, how you have fared, Nor tell you all the sufferings we've endured, Since you were torn away from us: alas! There will be time enough for that hereafter. O, Melvil, Melvil, why was it our fate To see the dawn of this unhappy day? MELVIL. Let us not melt each other with our grief. Throughout my whole remaining life, as long As ever it may be, I'll sit and weep; A smile shall never more light up these cheeks, Ne'er will I lay this sable garb aside, But lead henceforth a life of endless mourning. Yet on this last sad day I will be firm; Pledge me your word to moderate your grief; And when the rest of comfort all bereft, Abandoned to despair, wail round her, we Will lead her with heroic resolution, And be her staff upon the road to death! KENNEDY. Melvil! You are deceived if you suppose The queen has need of our support to meet Her death with firmness. She it is, my friend, Who will exhibit the undaunted heart. Oh! trust me, Mary Stuart will expire As best becomes a heroine and queen! MELVIL. Received she firmly, then, the sad decree Of death? - 'tis said that she was not prepared. KENNEDY. She was not; yet they were far other terrors Which made our lady shudder: 'twas not death, But her deliverer, which made her tremble. Freedom was promised us; this very night Had Mortimer engaged to bear us hence: And thus the queen, perplexed 'twixt hope and fear, And doubting still if she should trust her honor And royal person to the adventurous youth, Sat waiting for the morning. On a sudden We hear a boisterous tumult in the castle; Our ears are startled by repeated blows Of many hammers, and we think we hear The approach of our deliverers: hope salutes us, And suddenly and unresisted wakes The sweet desire of life. And now at once The portals are thrown open - it is Paulet, Who comes to tell us - that - the carpenters Erect beneath our feet the murderous scaffold! [She turns aside, overpowered by excessive anguish. MELVIL. O God in Heaven! Oh, tell me then how bore The queen this terrible vicissitude? KENNEDY (after a pause, in which she has somewhat collected herself). Not by degrees can we relinquish life; Quick, sudden, in the twinkling of an eye, The separation must be made, the change From temporal to eternal life; and God Imparted to our mistress at this moment His grace, to cast away each earthly hope, And firm and full of faith to mount the skies. No sign of pallid fear dishonored her; No word of mourning, 'till she heard the tidings Of Leicester's shameful treachery, the sad fate Of the deserving youth, who sacrificed Himself for her; the deep, the bitter anguish Of that old knight, who lost, through her, his last, His only hope; till then she shed no tear - 'Twas then her tears began to flow, 'twas not Her own, but others' woe which wrung them from her. MELVIL. Where is she now? Can you not lead me to her? KENNEDY. She spent the last remainder of the night In prayer, and from her dearest friends she took Her last farewell in writing: then she wrote Her will [1] with her own hand. She now enjoys A moment of repose, the latest slumber Refreshes her weak spirits. MELVIL. Who attends her? KENNEDY. None but her women and physician Burgoyn: You seem to look around you with surprise; Your eyes appear to ask me what should mean This show of splendor in the house of death. Oh, sir, while yet we lived we suffered want; But at our death plenty returns to us. SCENE II. Enter MARGARET CURL. KENNEDY. How, madam, fares the queen? Is she awake? CURL (drying her tears). She is already dressed - she asks for you. KENNEDY. I go: - [To MELVIL, who seems to wish to accompany her. But follow not until the queen Has been prepared to see you. [Exit. CURL. Melvil, sure, The ancient steward? MELVIL. Yes, the same. CURL. Oh, sir, This is a house which needs no steward now! Melvil, you come from London; can you give No tidings of my husband? MELVIL. It is said He will be set at liberty as soon - - CURL. As soon as our dear queen shall be no more. Oh, the unworthy, the disgraceful traitor! He is our lady's murderer - 'tis said It was his testimony which condemned him. MELVIL. 'Tis true. CURL. Oh, curse upon him! Be his soul Condemned forever! he has borne false witness. MELVIL. Think, madam, what you say. CURL. I will maintain it With every sacred oath before the court, I will repeat it in his very face; The world shall hear of nothing else. I say That she dies innocent! MELVIL.. God grant it true! [1] The document is now in the British Museum. SCENE III. Enter HANNAH KENNEDY. KENNEDY (to CURL). Go, madam, and require a cup of wine - 'Tis for our lady. MELVIL. Is the queen then sick? KENNEDY. She thinks that she is strong; she is deceived By her heroic courage; she believes She has no need of nourishment; yet still A hard and painful task's allotted her. Her enemies shall not enjoy the triumph; They shall not say that fear hath blanched her cheeks When her fatigues have conquered human weakness. MELVIL. May I approach her? KENNEDY. She will come herself. SCENE IV. Enter BURGOYN; two women of the chamber follow him, weeping, and in deep mourning. BURGOYN. Oh, Melvil! MELVIL. Oh, Burgoyn! [They embrace silently. FIRST WOMAN (to the NURSE). She chose to be Alone: she wishes, at this awful moment, For the last time, to commune with her God. SCENE V. Enter MARGARET CURL, bearing a golden cup of wine; she places it hastily upon the table, and leans, pale and trembling, against a chair. MELVIL. How, madam! What has frightened you? KENNEDY. Oh God! BURGOYN. Speak, madam! CURL. What, alas! have I beheld! MELVIL. Come to yourself, and say what you have seen! CURL. As I went down the staircase which conducts To the great hall below, a door stood open; I looked into the chamber, and I saw - Oh heaven! MELVIL. What saw you? CURL. All the walls were hung With black; a spacious scaffold, too, o'erspread With sable cloth, was raised above the floor, And in the middle of the scaffold stood A dreadful sable block! upon it lay A naked, polished axe: - the hall was full Of cruel people, crowding round the scaffold Who, with a horrid thirst for human blood, Seemed waiting for the victim! THE WOMEN. Gracious heaven, Protect our queen! MELVIL. Be calm; the queen approaches. SCENE VI. Enter MARY in white and sumptuously arrayed, as for a festival: she wears hanging from her neck, on a row of small beads, an Agnus Dei; a rosary hangs from her girdle; she bears a crucifix in her hand, and a diadem of precious stones binds her hair; her large black veil is thrown back. On her entrance all present fall back on both sides with the most violent expressions of anguish. MELVIL falls involuntarily upon his knees. MARY (with quiet majesty, looking round the whole circle). Why these complaints? Why weep ye? Ye should rather Rejoice with me, that now at length the end Of my long woe approaches; that my shackles Fall off, my prison opens, and my soul Delighted mounts on seraph's wings, and seeks The land of everlasting liberty. When I was offered up to the oppression Of my proud enemy, was forced to suffer Ignoble taunts, and insults most unfitting A free and sovereign queen, then was the time To weep for me; but as an earnest friend, Beneficent and healing death approaches. All the indignities which I have suffered On earth are covered by his sable wings. The most degraded criminal's ennobled By his last sufferings, by his final exit; I feel again the crown upon my brows. And dignity possess my swelling soul! [Advancing a few steps. How! Melvil here! My worthy sir, not so; Arise; you rather come in time to see The triumph of your mistress than her death. One comfort, which I never had expected, Is granted me, that after death my name Will not be quite abandoned to my foes; One friend at least, one partner of my faith, Will be my witness in the hour of death. Say, honest Melvil, how you fared the while In this inhospitable, hostile land? For since the time they tore you from my side My fears for you have oft depressed my soul. MELVIL. No other evil galled me but my grief For thee, and that I wanted power to serve thee. MARY. How fares my chamberlain, old Didier? But sure the faithful servant long has slept The sleep of death, for he was full of years. MELVIL. God hath not granted him as yet this grace; He lives to see the grave o'erwhelm thy youth. MARY. Oh! could I but have felt before my death, The happiness of pressing one descendant Of the dear blood of Stuart to my bosom. But I must suffer in a foreign land, None but my servants to bewail my fate! Sir; to your loyal bosom I commit My latest wishes. Bear then, sir, my blessing To the most Christian king, my royal brother, And the whole royal family of France. I bless the cardinal, my honored uncle, And also Henry Guise, my noble cousin. I bless the holy father, the vicegerent Of Christ on earth, who will, I trust, bless me. I bless the King of Spain, who nobly offered Himself as my deliverer, my avenger. They are remembered in my will: I hope That they will not despise, how poor soe'er They be, the presents of a heart which loves them. [Turning to her servants. I have bequeathed you to my royal brother Of France; he will protect you, he will give you Another country, and a better home; And if my last desire have any weight, Stay not in England; let no haughty Briton Glut his proud heart with your calamities, Nor see those in the dust who once were mine. Swear by this image of our suffering Lord To leave this fatal land when I'm no more. MELVIL (touching the crucifix). I swear obedience in the name of all. MARY. What I, though poor and plundered, still possess, Of which I am allowed to make disposal, Shall be amongst you shared; for I have hope In this at least my will may be fulfilled. And what I wear upon my way to death Is yours - nor envy me on this occasion The pomp of earth upon the road to heaven. [To the ladies of her chamber. To you, my Alice, Gertrude, Rosamund, I leave my pearls, my garments: you are young, And ornament may still delight your hearts. You, Margaret, possess the nearest claims, To you I should be generous: for I leave you The most unhappy woman of them all. That I have not avenged your husband's fault On you I hope my legacy will prove. The worth of gold, my Hannah, charms not thee; Nor the magnificence of precious stones: My memory, I know, will be to thee The dearest jewel; take this handkerchief, I worked it for thee, in the hours of sorrow, With my own hands, and my hot, scalding tears Are woven in the texture: - you will bind My eyes with this, when it is time: this last Sad service I would wish but from my Hannah. KENNEDY. O Melvil! I cannot support it. MARY. Come, Come all and now receive my last farewell. [She stretches forth her hands; the WOMEN violently weeping, fall successively at her feet, and kiss her outstretched hand. Margaret, farewell - my Alice, fare thee well; Thanks, Burgoyn, for thy honest, faithful service - Thy lips are hot, my Gertrude: - I have been Much hated, yet have been as much beloved. May a deserving husband bless my Gertrude, For this warm, glowing heart is formed for love. Bertha, thy choice is better, thou hadst rather Become the chaste and pious bride of heaven; Oh! haste thee to fulfil thy vows; the goods Of earth are all deceitful; thou may'st learn This lesson from thy queen. No more; farewell, Farewell, farewell, my friends, farewell for ever. [She turns suddenly from them; all but MELVIL retire at different sides. SCENE VII. MARY, MELVIL. MARY (after the others are all gone). I have arranged all temporal concerns, And hope to leave the world in debt to none; Melvil, one thought alone there is which binds My troubled soul, nor suffers it to fly Delighted and at liberty to heaven. MELVIL. Disclose it to me; ease your bosom, trust Your doubts, your sorrows, to your faithful friend. MARY. I see eternity's abyss before me; Soon must I stand before the highest Judge, And have not yet appeased the Holy One. A priest of my religion is denied me, And I disdain to take the sacrament, The holy, heavenly nourishment, from priests Of a false faith; I die in the belief Of my own church, for that alone can save. MELVIL. Compose your heart; the fervent, pious wish Is prized in heaven as high as the performance. The might of tyrants can but bind the hands, The heart's devotion rises free to God, The word is dead - 'tis faith which brings to life. MARY. The heart is not sufficient of itself; Our faith must have some earthly pledge to ground Its claim to the high bliss of heaven. For this Our God became incarnate, and enclosed Mysteriously his unseen heavenly grace Within an outward figure of a body. The church it is, the holy one, the high one, Which rears for us the ladder up to heaven: - 'Tis called the Catholic Apostolic church, - For 'tis but general faith can strengthen faith; Where thousands worship and adore the heat Breaks out in flame, and, borne on eagle wings, The soul mounts upwards to the heaven of heavens. Ah! happy they, who for the glad communion Of pious prayer meet in the house of God! The altar is adorned, the tapers blaze, The bell invites, the incense soars on high; The bishop stands enrobed, he takes the cup, And blessing it declares the solemn mystery, The transformation of the elements; And the believing people fall delighted To worship and adore the present Godhead. Alas! I only am debarred from this; The heavenly benediction pierces not My prison walls: its comfort is denied me. MELVIL. Yes! it can pierce them - put thy trust in Him Who is almighty - in the hand of faith, The withered staff can send forth verdant branches And he who from the rock called living water, He can prepare an altar in this prison, Can change - - [Seizing the cup, which stands upon the table. The earthly contents of this cup Into a substance of celestial grace. MARY. Melvil! Oh, yes, I understand you, Melvil! Here is no priest, no church, no sacrament; But the Redeemer says, "When two or three Are in my name assembled, I am with them," What consecrates the priest? Say, what ordains him To be the Lord's interpreter? a heart Devoid of guile, and a reproachless conduct. Well, then, though unordained, be you my priest; To you will I confide my last confession, And take my absolution from your lips. MELVIL. If then thy heart be with such zeal inflamed, I tell thee that for thine especial comfort, The Lord may work a miracle. Thou say'st Here is no priest, no church, no sacrament - Thou err'st - here is a priest - here is a God; A God descends to thee in real presence. [At these words he uncovers his head, and shows a host in a golden vessel. I am a priest - to hear thy last confession, And to announce to thee the peace of God Upon thy way to death. I have received Upon my head the seven consecrations. I bring thee, from his Holiness, this host, Which, for thy use, himself has deigned to bless. MARY. Is then a heavenly happiness prepared To cheer me on the very verge of death? As an immortal one on golden clouds Descends, as once the angel from on high, Delivered the apostle from his fetters: - He scorns all bars, he scorns the soldier's sword, He steps undaunted through the bolted portals, And fills the dungeon with his native glory; Thus here the messenger of heaven appears When every earthly champion had deceived me. And you, my servant once, are now the servant Of the Most High, and his immortal Word! As before me your knees were wont to bend, Before you humbled, now I kiss the dust. [She sinks before him on her knees. MELVIL (making over her the sign of the cross). Hear, Mary, Queen of Scotland: - in the name Of God the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, Hast thou examined carefully thy heart, Swearest thou, art thou prepared in thy confession To speak the truth before the God of truth? MARY. Before my God and thee, my heart lies open. MELVIL. What calls thee to the presence of the Highest? MARY. I humbly do acknowledge to have erred Most grievously, I tremble to approach, Sullied with sin, the God of purity. MELVIL. Declare the sin which weighs so heavily Upon thy conscience since thy last confession. MARY. My heart was filled with thoughts of envious hate, And vengeance took possession of my bosom. I hope forgiveness of my sins from God, Yet could I not forgive my enemy. MELVIL. Repentest thou of the sin? Art thou, in sooth, Resolved to leave this world at peace with all? MARY. As surely as I wish the joys of heaven. MELVIL. What other sin hath armed thy heart against thee? MARY. Ah! not alone through hate; through lawless love Have I still more abused the sovereign good. My heart was vainly turned towards the man Who left me in misfortune, who deceived me. MELVIL. Repentest thou of the sin? And hast thou turned Thy heart, from this idolatry, to God? MARY. It was the hardest trial I have passed; This last of earthly bonds is torn asunder. MELVIL. What other sin disturbs thy guilty conscience? MARY. A bloody crime, indeed of ancient date, And long ago confessed; yet with new terrors. It now attacks me, black and grisly steps Across my path, and shuts the gates of heaven: By my connivance fell the king, my husband - I gave my hand and heart to a seducer - By rigid penance I have made atonement; Yet in my soul the worm is gnawing still. MELVIL. Has then thy heart no other accusation, Which hath not been confessed and washed away? MARY. All you have heard with which my heart is charged. MELVIL. Think on the presence of Omniscience; Think on the punishments with which the church Threatens imperfect and reserved confessions This is the sin to everlasting death, For this is sinning 'gainst his Holy Spirit. MARY. So may eternal grace with victory Crown my last contest, as I wittingly Have nothing hid - - MELVIL. How? Wilt thou then conceal The crime from God for which thou art condemned? Thou tell'st me nothing of the share thou hadst In Babington and Parry's bloody treason: Thou diest for this a temporal death; for this Wilt thou, too, die the everlasting death? MARY. I am prepared to meet eternity; Within the narrow limits of an hour I shall appear before my Judge's throne. But, I repeat it, my confession's ended. MELVIL. Consider well - the heart is a deceiver. Thou hast, perhaps, with sly equivocation, The word avoided, which would make thee guilty Although thy will was party to the crime. Remember, that no juggler's tricks can blind The eye of fire which darts through every breast. MARY. 'Tis true that I have called upon all princes To free me from unworthy chains; yet 'tis As true that, neither by intent or deed, Have I attempted my oppressor's life. MELVIL. Your secretaries then have witnessed falsely. MARY. It is as I have said; - what they have witnessed The Lord will judge. MELVIL. Thou mountest, then, satisfied Of thy own innocence, the fatal scaffold? MARY. God suffers me in mercy to atone, By undeserved death, my youth's transgressions. MELVIL (making over her the sign of the cross). Go, then, and expiate them all by death; Sink a devoted victim on the altar, Thus shall thy blood atone the blood thou'st spilt. From female frailty were derived thy faults, Free from the weakness of mortality, The spotless spirit seeks the blest abodes. Now, then, by the authority which God Hath unto me committed, I absolve thee From all thy sins; be as thy faith thy welfare! [He gives her the host. Receive the body which for thee was offered - [He takes the cup which stands upon the table, consecrates it with silent prayer, then presents it to her; she hesitates to take it, and makes signs to him to withdraw it. Receive the blood which for thy sins was shed, Receive it; 'tis allowed thee by the pope To exercise in death the highest office Of kings, the holy office of the priesthood. [She takes the cup. And as thou now, in this his earthly body Hast held with God mysterious communion, So may'st thou henceforth, in his realm of joy, Where sin no more exists, nor tears of woe, A fair, transfigured spirit, join thyself Forever with the Godhead, and forever. [He sets down the cup; hearing a noise, he covers his head, and goes to the door; MARY remains in silent devotion on her knees. MELVIL (returning). A painful conflict is in store for thee. Feel'st thou within thee strength enough to smother Each impulse of malignity and hate? MARY. I fear not a relapse. I have to God Devoted both my hatred and my love. MELVIL. Well, then, prepare thee to receive my Lords Of Leicester and of Burleigh. They are here. SCENE VIII. Enter BURLEIGH, LEICESTER, and PAULET. [LEICESTER remains in the background, without raising his eyes; BURLEIGH, who remarks his confusion, steps between him and the QUEEN. BURLEIGH. I come, my Lady Stuart, to receive Your last commands and wishes. MARY. Thanks, my lord. BURLEIGH. It is the pleasure of my royal mistress That nothing reasonable be denied you. MARY. My will, my lord, declares my last desires; I've placed it in the hand of Sir Amias, And humbly beg that it may be fulfilled. PAULET. You may rely on this. MARY. I beg that all My servants unmolested may return To France, or Scotland, as their wishes lead. BURLEIGH. It shall be as you wish. MARY. And since my body Is not to rest in consecrated ground, I pray you suffer this my faithful servant To bear my heart to France, to my relations - Alas! 'twas ever there. BURLEIGH. It shall be done. What wishes else? MARY. Unto her majesty Of England bear a sister's salutation; Tell her that from the bottom of my heart I pardon her my death; most humbly, too, I crave her to forgive me for the passion With which I spoke to her. May God preserve her And bless her with a long and prosperous reign. BURLEIGH. Say, do you still adhere to your resolve, And still refuse assistance from the dean? MARY. My lord, I've made my peace with God. [To PAULET. Good sir, I have unwittingly caused you much sorrow, Bereft you of your age's only stay. Oh, let me hope you do not hate my name. PAULET (giving her his hand). The Lord be with you! Go your way in peace. SCENE IX. HANNAH KENNEDY, and the other women of the QUEEN crowd into the room with marks of horror. The SHERIFF follows them, a white staff in his hand; behind are seen, through the open doors, men under arms. MARY. What ails thee, Hannah? Yes, my hour is come. The sheriff comes to lead me to my fate, And part we must. Farewell! KENNEDY and CURL. We will not leave thee, We will not part from thee. MARY (to MELVIL). You, worthy sir, And my dear, faithful Hannah, shall attend me In my last moments. I am sure, my lord Will not refuse my heart this consolation. BURLEIGH. For this I have no warrant. MARY. How, my lord; Can you deny me, then, this small petition? Respect my sex; who shall attend me else, And yield me the last service? Sure, it never Can be my sister's pleasure that in me My sex should be insulted; that these men With their rude hands should touch my royal person. BURLEIGH. 'Tis ordered that no woman shall ascend The scaffold steps with you. Their tears and moans - - MARY. She shall not weep, my lord; she shall not moan; I answer for my Hannah's resolution; Be merciful; divide me not so soon From my true foster-mother, from my friend. She bore me on her arms into this life; Let her then gently lead me to my death. PAULET (to BURLEIGH). Yield to her wishes. BURLEIGH. Be it so. MARY. I now Have nothing in this world to wish for more. [She takes the crucifix, and kisses it. My God! My Comforter! My blest Redeemer! As once thy arms were stretched upon the cross, Let them be now extended to receive me! [She turns round to go; at the same moment her eyes fall upon LEICESTER, who, on her going, starts involuntarily, and turns his eyes towards her; at this sight MARY trembles, her knees fail her, she is about to fall, when LEICESTER catches at her, and receives her in his arms; she regards him for some time earnestly, and in silence; he cannot support her looks; at length she speaks. You keep your word, my Lord of Leicester: for You promised me your arm to lead me forth From prison, and you lend it to me now. At length the wished-for day is come, and what Was oft the object of my fondest dreams Is now accomplished: and the Earl of Leicester, The long-expected, the long-wished-for friend, Appears at length in Fotheringay Castle. I see him standing in my prison; all Is ready for the journey; all the gates Stand open, and at length I cross the threshold, Conducted by his hand; and now I leave These dismal walls behind me, and forever. All is fulfilled, and you have saved your honor. [He stands as if annihilated; she continues, with a gentle voice. Yes, Leicester; not for liberty alone I wished to be indebted to your hands. You should have made me bless that liberty. Led by your hand, and happy in your love, I hoped once more to taste the joys of life. Yes; now that I'm prepared from all the world To part, and to become a happy spirit, Whom earthly inclinations tempt no more! Now, Leicester, I may venture to confess Without a blush the frailty I have conquered; Farewell, my lord; and, if you can, be happy! To woo two queens has been your daring aim; You have disdained a tender, loving heart, Betrayed it in the hope to win a proud one: Kneel at the feet of Queen Elizabeth! May your reward not prove your punishment. Farewell; I now have nothing more on earth. [She goes, preceded by the SHERIFF; at her side MELVIL and her nurse; BURLEIGH and PAULET follow; the others, wailing, follow her with their eyes till she disappears; they then retire through the other two doors. SCENE X. LEICESTER (remaining alone). Do I live still? Can I still bear to live? Will not this roof fall down and bury me? Yawns no abyss to swallow in its gulf The veriest wretch on earth? What have I lost? Oh, what a pearl have I not cast away! What bliss celestial madly dashed aside! She's gone, a spirit purged from earthly stain, And the despair of hell remains for me! Where is the purpose now with which I came To stifle my heart's voice in callous scorn? To see her head descend upon the block With unaverted and indifferent eyes? How doth her presence wake my slumbering shame? Must she in death surround me with love's toils? Lost, wretched man! No more it suits thee now To melt away in womanly compassion: Love's golden bliss lies not upon thy path, Then arm thy breast in panoply of steel, And henceforth be thy brows of adamant! Wouldst thou not lose the guerdon of thy guilt, Thou must uphold, complete it daringly! Pity be dumb; mine eyes be petrified! I'll see - I will be witness of her fall. [He advances with resolute steps towards the door through which MARY passed; but stops suddenly half way. No! No! The terrors of all hell possess me. I cannot look upon the dreadful deed; I cannot see her die! Hark! What was that? They are already there. Beneath my feet The bloody business is preparing. Hark! I hear their voices. Hence! Away, away From this abode of misery and death! [He attempts to escape by another door; finds it locked, and returns. How! Does some demon chain me to this spot? To hear what I would shudder to behold? That voice - it is the dean's, exhorting her; She interrupts him. Hark - she prays aloud; Her voice is firm - now all is still, quite still! And sobs and women's moans are all I hear. Now, they undress her; they remove the stool; She kneels upon the cushion; lays her head - - [Having spoken these last words, and paused awhile, he is seen with a convulsive motion suddenly to shrink and faint away; a confused hum of voices is heard at the same moment from below, and continues for some time. SCENE XI. The Second Chamber in the Fourth Act. ELIZABETH (entering from a side door; her gait and action expressive of the most violent uneasiness). No message yet arrived! What! no one here! Will evening never come! Stands the sun still In its ethereal course? I can no more Remain upon the rack of expectation! Is it accomplished? Is it not? I shudder At both events, and do not dare to ask. My Lord of Leicester comes not, - Burleigh too, Whom I appointed to fulfil the sentence. If they have quitted London then 'tis done, The bolt has left its rest - it cuts the air - It strikes; has struck already: were my realm At stake I could not now arrest its course. Who's there? SCENE XII. Enter a PAGE. ELIZABETH. Returned alone? Where are the lords? PAGE. My Lord High-Treasurer and the Earl of Leicester? ELIZABETH. Where are they? PAGE. They are not in London. ELIZABETH. No! Where are they then? PAGE. That no one could inform me; Before the dawn, mysteriously, in haste They quitted London. ELIZABETH (exultingly). I am Queen of England! [Walking up and down in the greatest agitation. Go - call me - no, remain, boy! She is dead; Now have I room upon the earth at last. Why do I shake? Whence comes this aguish dread? My fears are covered by the grave; who dares To say I did it? I have tears enough In store to weep her fall. Are you still here? [To the PAGE. Command my secretary, Davison, To come to me this instant. Let the Earl Of Shrewsbury be summoned. Here he comes. [Exit PAGE. SCENE XIII. Enter SHREWSBURY. ELIZABETH. Welcome, my noble lord. What tidings; say It cannot be a trifle which hath led Your footsteps hither at so late an hour. SHREWSBURY. My liege, the doubts that hung upon my heart, And dutiful concern for your fair fame, Directed me this morning to the Tower, Where Mary's secretaries, Nau and Curl, Are now confined as prisoners, for I wished Once more to put their evidence to proof. On my arrival the lieutenant seemed Embarrassed and perplexed; refused to show me His prisoners; but my threats obtained admittance. God! what a sight was there! With frantic looks, With hair dishevelled, on his pallet lay The Scot like one tormented by a fury. The miserable man no sooner saw me Than at my feet he fell, and there, with screams, Clasping my knees, and writhing like a worm, Implored, conjured me to acquaint him with His sovereign's destiny, for vague reports Had somehow reached the dungeons of the Tower That she had been condemned to suffer death. When I confirmed these tidings, adding, too, That on his evidence she had been doomed, - He started wildly up, - caught by the throat His fellow-prisoner; with the giant strength Of madness tore him to the ground and tried To strangle him. No sooner had we saved The wretch from his fierce grapple than at once He turned his rage against himself and beat His breast with savage fists; then cursed himself And his companions to the depths of hell! His evidence was false; the fatal letters To Babington, which he had sworn were true, He now denounced as forgeries; for he Had set down words the queen had never spoken; The traitor Nau had led him to this treason. Then ran he to the casement, threw it wide With frantic force, and cried into the street So loud that all the people gathered round: I am the man, Queen Mary's secretary, The traitor who accused his mistress falsely; I bore false witness and am cursed forever! ELIZABETH. You said yourself that he had lost his wits; A madman's words prove nothing. SHREWSBURY. Yet this madness Serves in itself to swell the proof. My liege, Let me conjure thee; be not over-hasty; Prithee, give order for a new inquiry! ELIZABETH. I will, my lord, because it is your wish, Not that I can believe my noble peers Have in this case pronounced a hasty judgment. To set your mind at rest the inquiry shall Be straight renewed. Well that 'tis not too late! Upon the honor of our royal name, No, not the shadow of a doubt shall rest. SCENE XIV. Enter DAVISON. ELIZABETH. The sentence, sir, which I but late intrusted Unto your keeping; where is it? DAVISON (in the utmost astonishment). The sentence! ELIZABETH (more urgent). Which yesterday I gave into your charge. DAVISON. Into my charge, my liege! ELIZABETH. The people urged And baited me to sign it. I perforce Was driven to yield obedience to their will. I did so; did so on extreme constraint, And in your hands deposited the paper. To gain time was my purpose; you remember What then I told you. Now, the paper, sir! SHREWSBURY. Restore it, sir, affairs have changed since then, The inquiry must be set on foot anew. DAVISON. Anew! Eternal mercy! ELIZABETH. Why this pause, This hesitation? Where, sir, is the paper? DAVISON. I am undone! Undone! My fate is sealed! ELIZABETH (interrupting him violently). Let me not fancy, sir - - DAVISON. Oh, I am lost! I have it not. ELIZABETH. How? What? SHREWSBURY. Oh, God in heaven! DAVISON. It is in Burleigh's hands - since yesterday. ELIZABETH. Wretch! Is it thus you have obeyed my orders? Did I not lay my strict injunction on you To keep it carefully? DAVISON. No such injunction Was laid on me, my liege. ELIZABETH. Give me the lie? Opprobrious wretch! When did I order you To give the paper into Burleigh's hands? DAVISON. Never expressly in so many words. ELIZABETH. And, paltering villain I dare you then presume To construe, as you list, my words - and lay Your bloody meaning on them? Wo betide you, If evil come of this officious deed! Your life shall answer the event to me. Earl Shrewsbury, you see how my good name Has been abused! SHREWSBURY. I see! Oh, God in heaven! ELIZABETH. What say you? SHREWSBURY. If the knight has dared to act In this, upon his own authority, Without the knowledge of your majesty, He must be cited to the Court of Peers To answer there for subjecting thy name To the abhorrence of all after time. SCENE XV. Enter BURLEIGH. BURLEIGH (bowing his knee before the QUEEN). Long life and glory to my royal mistress, And may all enemies of her dominions End like this Stuart. [SHREWSBURY hides his face. DAVIDSON wrings his hands in despair. ELIZABETH. Speak, my lord; did you From me receive the warrant? BURLEIGH. No, my queen; From Davison. ELIZABETH. And did he in my name Deliver it? BURLEIGH. No, that I cannot say. ELIZABETH. And dared you then to execute the writ Thus hastily, nor wait to know my pleasure? Just was the sentence - we are free from blame Before the world; yet it behooved thee not To intercept our natural clemency. For this, my lord, I banish you my presence; And as this forward will was yours alone Bear you alone the curse of the misdeed! [To DAVISON. For you, sir; who have traitorously o'erstepped The bounds of your commission, and betrayed A sacred pledge intrusted to your care, A more severe tribunal is prepared: Let him be straight conducted to the Tower, And capital arraignments filed against him. My honest Talbot, you alone have proved, 'Mongst all my counsellors, an upright man: You shall henceforward be my guide - my friend. SHREWSBURY. Oh! banish not the truest of your friends; Nor cast those into prison, who for you Have acted; who for you are silent now. But suffer me, great queen, to give the seal, Which, these twelve years, I've borne unworthily, Back to your royal hands, and take my leave. ELIZABETH (surprised). No, Shrewsbury; you surely would not now Desert me? No; not now. SHREWSBURY. Pardon, I am Too old, and this right hand is growing too stiff To set the seal upon your later deeds. ELIZABETH. Will he forsake me, who has saved my life? SHREWSBURY. 'Tis little I have done: I could not save Your nobler part. Live - govern happily! Your rival's dead! Henceforth you've nothing more To fear - henceforth to nothing pay regard. [Exit. ELIZABETH (to the EARL of KENT, who enters). Send for the Earl of Leicester. KENT. He desires To be excused - he is embarked for France. The Curtain drops. Publication Date: May 21st 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.schiller

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-amani-grace-if-only/

Amani Grace If Only I Dedicate this book to my love one Grace. My name is grace i live with my mom and her husband brad and my half sister mona. They got married about 4 years ago and after a year into marriage my mom got pregnant and gave birth to my sister mona. At first i wasnt happy about any of this, but who cares no one of course. But my question is What happens when all your dreams are taking away from you. what happens when you wake up and your all alone no is there to help you......well this is my story lets start from the beginning when all hell broke lose. CHAPTER 1 Police and ambulance sirens were all around me i didnt know what was going on. Hello someone help please help.... ma'am you are going to be ok we are here to help you said a police officer. when i woke up I was at the hospital. Hi dear said a nurse how are you feeling. Whats going on i asked how did i get here. Well dear you were in a car crash. Was i alone i ask no you were with your mom. i tried to sit up were is she? I'm sorry to tell you this but she didn't make it. I started fading away before i know it i was at home in my bed. I got up and ran to my mothers room, but she wasnt there. I heard a voice down stairs so i ran to the living room only to find my step father and other people that i guess my mom knew. When they realize that i was in the room they came to me and ask me how i was feeling ( I was just in a car crash and i just lost my mother how do you think i felt.) Im ok i said and then walked away. I saw mona my baby sister walking around in the kitchen I walk over to her and picked her up (of course she was only 3 so she really didnt have any idea what was going on.) hi Gracie (she was the only one i would let call me that) yes i answered...when is mommy coming home. I explain to her that mommy went to heaven and that we would see her soon. Days went by then months and things still wasnt back to normal. summer was almost over and school was to start back next week. Grace GRACE get your lazy butt out of bed called brad. Im in the shower i yelled well get out and get down here!! he yelled back. Fine!! I turned the running water off grabbed my towel and got dress. On my way down stairs I peeked my head in mona's room she wasnt there so she most of been down stairs. Before I could get down stair brad came to the stairs and yelled at me again. why do i have to make you breakfast i asked him because i said so he replied. Of course because you said so I said under my breath and before I knew it i felt a hard sting on my cheek I fell to the floor. This wasnt the first time that he hit me it was just the first time he hit me in front of mona. I turned to look at her and she burst into tears. Before I could get up to comfort her he already had her in his arms. Sweetie dont cry grace wasnt being a good girl so she had to get punish. I stood up and took her away from him. Are you ok she asked in her adorable litle voice that made me smile. Yes sweetie im ok. Can I help you make breakfast she asked yes you may I told he. After breakfast Mrs. richardson from next door came over to pick mona up for their day out, and brad went to work so I was alone in the house. Time to clean up I looked around since brad doesnt clean up behind his self and mona is only three there is alot to do. I started with the laundry then the bathroom, brads room, monas room then the living room and the kitchen. After that its time to start cooking roast beef and potatoes ummm my favorite. By the time the house was clean and dinner was cooked I only had an hour to rest before brad came home. I decided to go up stairs and relax. Grace get down here we need to talk. I turned over looked at the clock 4.30 on the dot he is never late. GRACE GET DOWN HERE. I climbed out of bed and ran down stairs this better be important. What!! I asked still sleepy. He turned and looked at me...my job cut my hours so you are gonna need to find a job and help around the house. Fine! Where do you suppose I look at I asked. The store down the block is hiring so start walking down there and get the job he said. As I walked down to the store I wondered why was the store hiring they dont get much people in the store. At least if I get the job im only 2 mins away. When I entered the shop I could see a guy who look like he couldn’t be older than 18 or 19 he had dark brown wavy hair that he had in a tight pony tail he was really cute. He looked right at me, hi my name is Aaron, how may I help you. I couldn’t help but smile my name is grace I heard this place was hiring. Oh ok well if you wait one minute I will go get the manager. He then walked away but returned a minute later with this older looking guy he looks like he could be brads age. Hi he said so I hear you’re looking for a job. Yes I am I told him. Well can you work a cashier and stock the counters. Yes I can I told him. Ok well you can have the job I need you to fill out these papers and then you can start tomorrow. After filling out the papers I walk back home all I could think about was how cute the guy was. He probably doesn’t even find me attractive. When I walked inside I could see mona’s bag on the floor. Mona I called, she leaped down stairs yes she said. Hi sweetie how was your day? I said. It was great im hungry she said. I looked at her and asked daddy didn’t feed you. No she said he went out and left me here he said you would be back soon. WHAT!!! He lefted you home alone by yourself. I could see that I scared her….im sorry im not mad at you im mad at daddy I said while picking her up and walking to the kitchen. I made her a plate washed her up and put her to bed. On my way down stairs the door opened and there was brad. I gave him a evil look and said how could you have left mona here alone. I had to go out he said, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. You got to be kidding me was yu drinking!! You lefted your daughter home alone to go drink. It happened so fast I didn’t even see him come up to me and hit me. I put my hand over my face as I saw him coming to give me another hit this time it was harder. He began to kick me and punch me and yelled this will teach you never to question me again. Daddy mona called daddy what going on. I looked up to see mona coming down the steps I tried to sit up fast but it hurted. It was dark but I could see her reaching the bottom of the step. Brad turned on the light and went to pick her up. Why is mona on the floor she asked. She fell honey he said. I looked at her and tried to hold back the tears my body was killing me. Oh is she ok. She asked. Well are you? brad asked knowing that I wasn’t ok. Yes I managed to get out im ok. Come on sweetie let me put you back to bed. Ok she said. As they walked up the stairs I tried to get up… it wasn’t easy I climbed up stairs and walk to the bathroom I looked in the mirror and saw that my eye was a little swollen I lifted my shirt and could she marks where he kicked me at. I walked over to the bath tub ran the hot water took off my clothes and sat in the tub. All I could do was cry I closed my eyes and wondered did my mom have to go to this I also wondered how was I suppose to go to work like this tomorrow. Chapter 2 Beep beep beep…I got up and turn my alarm clock off. I was up all night putting ice on my face, so I didn’t get much sleep. I walked to my bathroom and looked in the mirror, the swelling went down a lot thank God, but it was still bruised. I start work at 9 am and it was 7:30. I walked over to mona’s room but she wasn’t in there I then went to brad’s door to see if he is in there but he wasn’t. I walked down stairs and they wasn’t there I guess he went to work and she went next door. I walked back up stairs turned the shower on and got in. After the shower I got dress went to the bathroom and put makeup on to cover the bruise. I then looked in the mirror, even though I looked like I was ok, I felt weak and beat up. I guess it was because I was weak and beat up. I walked down stairs fixed me some cereal and walked out the door. It only took me two minutes to get there. When I walked in Aaron was already there, hi its grace right, yes I said back. Ok well all you need to do today is ring people up. I will handle the heavy stuff he said. Ok I said with a smile. As the day was going by only about 20 people came to the store so me and Aaron spent most of the day talking. So what school do you go to he asked. Harris high school I answered and you I asked. Im out of school he answered. How old are you I asked. Im 19. Oh okay im 17 I said back. Ok. So what do you do for fun we said at the same time and laughed. Wow I thought to myself this is the first time I laughed in a long time since my mom died. I go out and hang with some friends he answered and you. Well I don’t really have time to have fun since my mom died I had to take on a lot of responsibilities. Oh wow im sorry to hear about your mom. Its ok I said back. So its just you and your dad…he asked. No its me my baby sister and my step dad. Oh ok. Yea. I looked at the time it was time to go. As I started packing my bag Aaron came up me and handed me a ripped piece of paper I looked at him and he said its my number….how about you call me sometime and we can hang out. Sure I said back it would be nice to get out of work. He smiled as I walked out the door. As I walk to my house all I could think about is how nice it would be to have a normal life, one where my mom was still here and it was just us. The only sad thing about that is if brad was never in our life neither would mona and I love my little sister. When I walk in the house I could hear brad talking to someone. I walk up the stairs and saw a blonde hair lady about 5’4 she looked as if she couldn’t be no older than 24. When brad saw me he told me to come in the room. The young lady looked at me and said you must be grace I shook my head well I am lisa and its very nice to meet you. I didn’t say anything back I just stared at her then I looked at brad and he told me that him and lisa was going away to get married and that they would be back in 2 weeks. MARRIED MARRIED!!! I yelled (of course I didn’t mean to it just slipped out) The young lady jumped and brad looked like he wanted to hit me, but instead he remand clam and said yes lisa and I have been going together for a while now and I decided to marry her. (how come I didn’t know about this) I thought. The whole time that the lisa was talking to me all I could think about is my mom of course lisa wasn’t ugly but I still didn’t want anyone else to replace her. Brad then looked at me and said we will be leaving tonight. Ok was all I said and then went to my room, a few minutes later I heard a knock at the door before I could say come in lisa walk in the room. I looked at her and then turned my head. She begin to talk… I know you don’t know me and it must be strange having a young women you don’t know marry your dad. Before she could finish I turned to her and said he’s not my dad. Ok step dad. How old are you I asked her…25 she said to me. Don’t your family care about you dating an older guy. Well I don’t really have anyone left my mom and dad died in an air plane crash and all I have left is me my big house and money. (oh so this is why he wants her for the money). She then continued to talk…. Well now after the wedding I will have 2 children and a loving husband and yall can come and live with me. Wait what did she just say come live with her and that brad was loving oh she didn’t know what she was getting herself into. Brad has anger problems I told her you don’t wanna get on his bad side. I know she said he told me about how after his wife died he got angry and would drink a lot but he has changed. And when was this change I asked her (of course I didn’t tell her he beat me just last night.) before she could say anything brad came in the room ok babe lets go then he walked out lisa looked at me and said don’t worry about anything everything will be ok then she handed me a a package whats this I asked this is just something for you while we are gone just until we get back I looked in it and it was a lot of money all of this just for two weeks? We then walked down the stairs lisa got into the car and brad came up to me and said mona will be at my mother’s house while we are gone and then he grabbed my arm and said don’t ruin this and then let go got in the car and they drove off. I walked inside and went to my room and laid down so much to think about a new mom who wasn’t that far off of my age a new house. I can think about all of that later right now I had a lot of money, two weeks in the house by myself and a cute boy number in my pocket. So I took out the paper and called Aaron. Chapter 3 Hello Aaron this is grace, hi grace how are you he says back, I am ok how about we hang out tonight I ask. Sure that sounds great pick you up at 7:30. Ok I say back and hang up the phone. I look at the clock and it is already 5:30 where did the time go, I go to the bathroom and shower and do my hair I look at the time again and its already 6:15 then I go to my room to try and find something to wear I haven’t really been the type of girl to dress up so I just pick a pair of shorts and a gray tee I knew we weren’t going somewhere fancy so it really wouldn’t matter what I wear. I go to the bathroom and take on final look at myself, I guess I look alright hair is in a tight pony tail my tee and shorts fit my body just right. My bruise isn’t there anymore thank God. I turn off the light and go down stairs its only 6:30 so I turn on the tv and watch my favorite show revenge. Just when the show is getting good there is a knock at the door I looked at the time and its 7:14 he’s a little early I go to the door and answer it. There stands Aaron with a hand full of flowers wow this wasn’t what I expected he looks at me and say you look nice and then hands the flowers to me I invite him in and go to the kitchen and put the flowers in a vase and off we go. So where are we going I ask Aaron as we drive off. Ill let that be your choice we can go to the movies or skating or bowling or anywhere else you want to he says. Ok lets go bowling. When we got to the bowling place it was a little bit pack but we got our shoes and a table. Ok so are you ready to lose Aaron says. I look at him and laugh aren’t you suppose to let the girl win I say to him. Says who Aaron says with a laugh, what he doesn’t know is my mom was a bowling campaigning and so am I it’s the only reason I picked this game. Ok I tell him it’s on. Lady’s first he says ok as I go up to the line I role my pink ball as hard as I could STRIKE! I turn to Aaron your turn I say with a laugh. That was just a lucky strike now watch a master. He goes up to the line and rolls the ball and gets a strike. This was really gonna be a quick game. He turns to me and laughs and say beat that. We go on and on though the game taking and laughing and now it was our last roll he had 210 points and I had 211 this was a tight game I took my last roll and it was a strike of course and he didn’t I guess he let me win when we finished he asked me where did I want to eat I told him it didn’t matter so he took me to a Chinese food store I got my favorite general tso chicken and fried rice and he order the same. We then drove to a nearby park and we ate and talked some more. I told him about brad and the wedding and he told me that brad was selfish not to take us but I told him I didn’t really care and he asked did me and brad get along well ( of course I wasn’t going to tell him the truth) somewhat I mind my own I say with my head down. Aaron picks my head up and looks at me it must be hard to lose someone you love and have to grow up so fast. Yea I guess it is but I deal with it. Aaron looks at the time and then says I think I should take you home. When we reach my house we say our fair wells. I go in the house and think about how nice Aaron was how he cared about me how he didn’t push his self up on me and didn’t steal a kiss on the first date if this was even a date. I go and take a shower and get ready for bed, as I climb into bed I look at my phone and it’s a message from Aaron… thank you for a lovely evening I had a lot of fun I know you have a lot on your plate and I wouldn’t want to be a bother its just something about you I just cant keep you off my mind well anyways I hope im not being to forward by saying I hope we can have another date soon. Ps: sweet dreams. A tear fell down my face it was a happy tear I crawled under the cover and fell asleep with Aaron on my mind. Dear readers: I promise to be back soon thank you for everyone who has read my book so far. Please comment thank you! Publication Date: October 23rd 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-amani19

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-kiki-xoxo-i-spy-with-my-little-heart/

Kiki XoXo I Spy With My Little Heart Chapter 1 Blaire's POV   I'm being dragged. A rough and dry hand is covering my mouth. My eyes are wide, but all I can see are cars parked and nonmoving. I can't scream, I can't break free. I know what happens next. Something I will never... no... something I can never forget. I hear hear a  vehicle door open, and I get shoved inside. Still not fast enough to turn arond and look at his face. His quiet whisper, and words etched into me like an annoying song on repeat. His last word always gets me, every time.   "...Blaire."   Sitting up feeling the sweat drip down my forehead, I shove my comforter off and throw on my training clothes. No matter how many times I have that same exact freaking nightmare, I still wake up drowning in sweat. In fact, that damn thing occurs so often that I know exactly when I'll wake up, and I have a system for what I do after I wake up. Change into clean clothes, and run. More like sprint and get the anger and tension out, but in general I get up and put the anger into something like I was told to do. Walking through the halls, to get to the outdoor training center my mind slowly calms and starts to wonder. I wonder what everyone else is doing right now? More then likely still sleeping.    Stepping outside into the fresh air helps tremendously. I stretch out, taking a minute. Then I take off sprinting, thinking about what I would do diffferently in that situation. It's horrible. I already have to deal with it being one of my memories, but it haunts me almost everynight in my sleep even. Running as fast as I can I speed through the forest area we use for target practice. Jumping over fallen logs and dodging bushes gives it more of an edge.  It complicates the running part of it. Barely missing a bush, I let out a breath feeling good. Then the root appears.   I tumble forward with a groan, it's always that stuck up root that gets me. This is the fourth time I've tripped and everytime it's been because of that thing. I stay on the ground, taking in the pain. I like it more then my memories. I hear footsteps, coming and I sit up wondering who else would be out here this early. My neck hurts slightly from the fast movement, but I ignore it and get up on my toes ready to jump into the tree beside me if I need to.   "Well.. if it isn't little bunny." Crash smirks, appearing in front of me. His smile is eager and questioning. "Whatcha doing way out here this early?"   "I could ask you the same thing.." I sigh wipping dirt and grass off myself as I stand up. Crash, is one of the managers. He used to be mine in fact. I was reassigned after Mr. Wahl's noticed Crash paid a little to much attention to me. Even now that I'm not one of his marks he stills pays attention to me. I hate it. Normally there are more people around when we do see each other, but now it's just us. Alone, outside early in the morning.   "Ah little bu-"   "Don't call me that. You know I don't like it." I growl sternly. I never used to stand up to him like I am now, but I'm not scared of him anymore.   "There's that little temper I miss it so much." He smiles, walking over to me. "What have you been up to? Anything good? Or is Luke still keeping you locked up tight?" They way he says it makes Luke sound like a pedophile, and it just makes me angerier.   "It's none of your business." I reply, trying to keep my temper down. The last thing I want to do is boost his ego by letting him know he is getting under my skin. I'm just happy he didn't see me trip, if he had I'd never hear the end of it!   "Ah my little bunny defending Smith now? I'll have to tell him, I'm sure he'll be happy to hear."  He keeps getting closer, but I stand my ground. I role my eyes not in the mood for any of his crap.  "Well... I guess you are out here, so your leash must be loosening."   "Leave me alone Crash." I mumble turning away, not wanting to get picked on anymore. The longer I sit here and talk to him the more he'll get ideas and that's not needed this morning.   "Come on Blaire." He grabs my wrist. "You know I've been waiting to get you alone for a long time." He says pulling on my arm. I scoff in disgust, knowing what he means. Managers aren't aloud to have any type of physical or romantic relationship with there marks, and that's why I was assigned to a different manager. According to Mr. Wahls when a manager and a mark have any type of relationship like that the manager shows favoritism, and it might cloud there judgement during a mission. Which happened with Crash and I. He favored me, out of his  four other girls and he tried to get with me physically. Mr. Wahls noticed Crash's little infatuation with me, so him thinking that taking me away would diminish the feeling he changed my manager to Luke. Now, Crash and I can have any type of relationship. Of course I don't want any type of relationship with him, but like I said his ego blinds him from that. He thinks I'm playing hard to get.   "Let me go." I say. I watch his eyes, and they flicker with amusement and joy.   "But why?" He smirks, and pulls me into him. "You know you want me to." He sighs cockily.  The last time we were this close we were hiding in a closet during a mission. He made a pass at me then to. He is 6'4, and built like a profesional football player. He towers over my 5'6 height, and my stealthy ninja build. There is no way for me to break his grip, and my arms are pinned at my sides by his one arm wrapped around my waste holding me against him. "You're 18 now too."  he whispers in my ear. My body shivers, and I feel panic strike in my stomach. I just turned 18, last week. I always had the feeling my age was holding him back. Back when I was his mark, I was only 16, and he was 20. He must be around 22 now.   "Let me go, Crash." I say one more time. I wish I could at least fight back, but it would be worthless. A waste of energy.   "Little bunny, you're so tempting though." He smirks looking down at me, and I just role my eyes. "Just one?" He asks, and I lean away from him but it doesn't help. I turn my head just in time, and his kisses my cheek. He doesn't say anything about it, instead he just moves his lips down to my neck.   "Crash I mean it!" I say, but my voice shakes. My panic showing. He reluctantly lets go of me and I back away from him.   "Ahh... I supposed we should get back it's breakfast time." he sighs, looking at his watch.   "I can get there by myself." I turn and start walking back towards the center. I know he follows me, I can hear him. I don't comment on it though, I know he wont listen. I'm guessing I'm lucky he actually let me go.   "So how is Luke doing now a day anyways?" He asks, walking beside me.   "Mr. Smith," I begin. "I don't know... good maybe?" I hate talking about Luke. It brings color to my cheeks and gives me butterflies. I've been with him now for two years, and I'm partly sure I'm in love with him. I was actually his first mark, and damn is he hot! He has blnde hair and brown eyes, and he has a strong jaw with high cheek bones. He is just 6'0 and he  doesn't look like a wrestler or football player, but he has tight muscles. He didn't treat me like a mark at all, he still doesn't, he is a friend. When doing our training he trains with us, and he actually talks to us like we're people and not below him. He tells jokes and stories, and he is nice. The first couple of months with him, the two of us bonded almost. We tell each other everything, and we completely trust each other. We have the perfect manager and mark relationship. Accept, my feelings are a little more... a lot more then that. Every once in a while I get the feeling he feels the same, but I know it's not true. That's one thing I know for a fact. He loves his job and takes it seriously. And managers and marks can't be in any type of relationship like that.   "Yeah sure..." He sighs, he knows that I have feeling for Luke. That's not a good thing at all, because all he has to do is tell Mr. Wahls and Luke and I would get seperated, and Luke might get demoted. I don't want that. I haven't ever actually told Crash about my feelings but I know he has his theories.   "Why don't you just ask him?" I sigh, as we leave the forest area. I know the answer of course. Luke and Crash don't get along. Part of it is Crash hates how I like Luke more then him. Crash is jealous of him, because almost everyone likes Luke better even though Crash has been here longer. Luke is like I said still somewhat new. He himself was a mark up until the time I came here.   "Ahh little bunny I do miss you." He sighs, with a smile drapping an arm over my shoulder. "When is your next assignment?" He asks. I shrug out from under his arm, and shrug my shoulders.  "I remember seeing you in action. Damn you lit up like a fire, always brave and ready. I wish I could see you in action." He says, and by his tone I can tell he genuinily means it. He moves his arm to where it was around my shoulders, and I give up trying to get it off.   "I guess you did train me well." I admit. That is the one thing he did do right. He pushed me, and was forceful with me, but I needed it. Back then I needed that structure, I was all over the place after what had happened. He didn't ever pity me, or at least he didn't show it if he did and I loved that. That's something I will always be greatful to him for, but I wont tell him that.  Of course, Luke is a good trainer too. Luke is a little softer, but he still pushes us to do our best.   "I just knew what you were capable of." He says, and we enter the center. I take his arm off of my shoulders again, because I don't want people seeing that, because everyone will get the wrong ideas. He just puts it back though, and I role my eyes. "I've noticed you don't go out nearly as much anymore."  he whispers, and I don't do anything. I don't know how to reply. What he said is right. I just don't know why. "He doesn't think you're strong enough... what bullshit."   "Mr. Smith knows more then you give him credit for." I mumble, slowing down. We're getting closer to the cafeteria. I really wish Crash would just get over all of this.   "Obviously not. He keeps opting you out, when you're the best mark we have right now. He knows that too and yet he sits you. He is keeping you safe. Protecting you."  he says looking down at me wonder in his eyes.   "You're wrong. He just doesn't think I'm ready for missions." I look forward leaving his gaze.   "What bullshit." He says, and we enter the cafeteria. His arm still draped over my shoulders. He leans down, and I can feel his breath against my neck. "All you have to do is ask, I'll take you back, Blaire. Remeber all the things we did together, and good we were. We could do it again." I turn looking up at him, did he really just say that to me? He thinks I'd go back to him? After what happened durring our last operation together.   "I don't think that will happen." I move out from under his arm.   "Remember it is always an option." He tells me, and I shake my head and walk away. I can feel eyes on me, I keep my eyes forward. I knew it was a mistake to walk in here with him. People already had ideas. Luke? I wonder if he saw? I almost look around the room for him, but I decide against that. I go through the line grabbing a bowl of frosted flakes, orange juice, milk, and a banana. Sitting down next to Luke's other marks, I add the millk to my cereal. I glance up at them, Natalie, Morgan,  and Tessa, they're looking back at me wanting to ask. They don't. I wouldn't call them friends, but next to Luke they're about all I have.   The facilty, if you haven't figure out already, is training and operation center for spies. Meaning you never know if you're still gonna be alive the next day. Becoming attached is bad, because of that reason. It's one of the reasons relationships aren't really aloud. It could cloud judgment durring an operation, and/or put lives in danger. I've been here for 5 years now. My first year here spent in the basement, locked up. Then eventually I was given to Crash to train. I was with him for a year and a half and then I was given to Luke. I've been with him ever since.   "Blaire, Mr. Wahls wants to speak to us." Luke taps my shoulder. I nod, grabbing my banana for the walk. I follow behind him, through the cafeteria. My eyes roam, and sadly meet with Crash's, I look away right away and catch back up to Luke. "So... You were with Crash this morning." He says, once we're away from the cafeteria. I don't say anything, I don't know what he means. "What were you two doing?" He asks, trying to sound like he could careless, but I actually see through it. It's moments like these when he jealousy shows through that I get confused.   "We ran into each other outside." I explain, but he wants more information. "He was jut being himself... nothing new."   "What were you two whispering about?" I look up at him, just as he looks away. I notice the hurt and confusion in his eyes. It hurt him? He is jealous!   "He was telling me that if I wanted I can go back to being his mark... I said no." I see his shoulders relax, and it  makes me smile. Holy crap Luke was jealous! What does that mean? I'm thinking to much into this. I shake my head I need to focus. I'm going to see Mr. Wahls, and he isn't some one to be taken lightly, he runs this whole place! He's the boss.  And the boss has requested to see me.   We stop outside his office door, and Luke knocks on the door. After a second we get told to enter. Luke opens the door and I take a deep breath into the fiery pit we go. Luke takes a seat in the open chair in front of his desk, next to Ms. Jennings. I hate her. She is the councelor here, and she is a complete bitch. When I was first brought here she was the second person I might, of course Luke was the first. She has a fake friendliness to her, and she is  a very blunt person which can be both good and bad. Her hair gets dyed twice a week to a different color every time, and she is as skinny as toothpick. Luke greets both of them, and I stay back beside the door. This office always gives me the creeps.   "We have a mission for her." Mr. Wahl's states, not waiting or holding back. Luke nods, not asking questions... you never question the boss. I watch intently now as he flips through a file in front of him, once he finds what he is looking for he lifts it up revealing a picture of a man probably around Crash's age maybe a little older even. "His name is Cody Riker, a math teacher at Weston High. He is as of now a person of interest. I'm sending you out under cover, to watch him, and learn as much information on him as you can." I nod my head once. Understood. This is a big deal. I'm going under cover! Almost all of my missions are going to fight then come right back. Quick and only take one day. This might take a week or even a month!   "You're sending her to a High school?" Luke asks leaning forward. "Are you sure that is a good idea?"  My eyes flicker down at him, what is he doing? He is trying to ruin this for me!?   "She is the best mark we have for the job. You very well know that." Mr. Wahl's says, and Luke doesn't say anymore. I tried to hide the smirk on my face. Luke knows that Mr. Wahls is right, Crash knows it even.   "Do we need to do any changes?" Ms. Jennings speaks for the first time, and I bite my tunge. She is also in charge of make-overs to make people look different. She turns looking back at me now.   "No I really don't think that is needed." Luke turns back too. I have no say in the matter, but I'm on his side this time.   "No, I believe she is just perfect. She needs to look like herself." Mr. Wahls smiles, and now we're all confused. I'm going under cover though, so a make over is really what should happen.   "Why?" Luke questions him, but not in a challenging way.   "Back when you found her, she was attending Weston Middle school. Now we're sending her back to her class. She needs to be recognizable." He states, and now he is trying to hide his smile. He uses he hands, to cover his mouth. Luke doesn't look happy, and Ms. Jennings looks like she's already figured everything out. I am stand here debating on whether I should beg him to not send me. I don't want to go back there. Back to where all of this started. Of course now I don't regret it. After what happened, my parents sent me to a hospital and left me there. The hospital had to stop holding me after there was six months without a payment, so they were going to stuff me into the foster system, but Luke came and got me instead.I've been here at the facility ever since, this is my home now.   Although... I wonder what has all been happening back there. I wonder if my actually parents still live there,  would they recognize me? I still have unruly red hair, My body is still small, but now it's small with muscle still coating my arms, legs, and practically everywhere. I'm build more like a stealthy ninja, flexible and quite.   "I wont see my parents will I?" I speak up, knowing I shouldn't but I need to know. I wont be able to hold my cool if I see them. They just threw me away. Stopped caring.   "That I can't tell you for sure. They still live in the area, so there is the possibility." Mr. Wahls replies, and he doesn't seem mad or upset that I spoke out of place. The way he replied to my question was actually sincere, he pities me for what my parents did. I look at the ground. Pity. I hate it.   "I want you word, that if I do see them, I can say or do what ever I want to them, without giving away information about the facility." I step up, I'm challenging him. I don't want his pity. He nods, seeming to not have a problem with it.   "You'll leave tomorrow for you first day of senior year." He says, giving me a smile. I just nod. Watch Riker, hopefully see my parents and tell them off. Senior year. I follow Luke out, I'd be senior if was still in school. Wow, I missed all of high school! Although I don't really mind. I like it here. I wouldn't want to go back and change anything.   "Blaire remember the rules." Luke slows down, waiting for me to walk beside him. "No giving out information, do your job, be careful, follow pro-"   "Yeah. I've got those glued into my mind dont worry." I say. Keeping my eyes forward. He wants me to do good. I will to good. I will show him that I am capable.   "No relationships Blaire. You have to promise me this one." He stops outside the training center. He grab my wrist to stop me too. "Any attachments or relationships will just result in trouble." He looks down at me, and in his eyes I can tell this is a serious topic.   "I'm not dumb Mr. Smith." I say, holding a straight face. Even though my stomach is going nuts at the moment.   "You aren't. That's why I'm telling you this now. Don't do anything stupid." He wraps his arms around me in a quick embrace. Then he lets go of me and enters the training center. I stand out there, frozen. He hugged me?! Tossing that to theback of my brain I enter the training center, as if nothing happened. But something had, I just don't know what it was. Chapter 2 Blaire's POV     Hoping into the car ready for school, I ignore Luke who slides into the back seat next to me. I've been breifed again, on what my task is, I've had the rules read to me three times (twice by Luke), and I've been told I don't actually have to do my homework! Along with  of course my back story. I was shoved into the foster care system and taken from my parents, Luke's family took me in, and then in a tragic accident his parents were killed so he toook me in. Luke is now my 'brother'.   Clearing the thoughts about Luke being any part of my actually family, I look down at my new shoes. I was given a new wardrobe to look more like an actual teenage girl. I went with the skinny jeans, black converse, and purple and gray plaid shirt. I was graced with doing my own hair which I just left alone, and my own make-up which I just put a little mascara on my eyelashes to make them stand out. It feels nice being in real clothes. I mean I'm always in real clothes, but I'm in my training gear, or a really fancy dress, or even once a wedding dress. It depends on the mission.   "You look different." Luke says, and I don't know how to reply. Different good or Different bad? Do I look like an idiot?! "It's nice seeing you in normal clothes." and I stop freaking out. I look okay.   "So... do you have any idea why I have to watch Mr. Riker?" I ask, picturing him in my mind. Black hair, brown eyes, and average build. An average guy, so why him?   "No idea." He sighs, "So, are you nervous? You're going to see your classmates again." My classmates. I hadn't really thought about that. I don't really remember any of them. I remember twins... a boy and a girl... that's about it though. No names or faces come to mind. I think back to that night, and still I come up blank. I remember going to the party with twins, and then I remember what happened at the party. Almost like half my life was washed away, but I really could careless. Focus on the  mission, and no attachments. That will be easy.   "No." I say looking over in his direction, and I feel my cheeks heat he was watching me! We both look away, and the rest of the ride is quite. I sneak one quick look at him again, and I can't help but stare and admire him. He is always just so... perfect! I mean he is flawed, everyone is flawed, but I haven't seen many of them, honestly I can't think of one thing. But of course there is something. Looking away before he can catch me staring, I day dream about what is going to happen my mission. I have to do good. I have to prove to Luke I can do this.   "I can do this you know." It slips out before I even think about it. I don't look at him, but I can feel him looking at me now.   "I know you can. It's not that I'm worried about." He replies, and the SUV comes to a stop.   "You're worried?" I question, waiting to be told to get out of the car. At this moment I don't want to get out. I wnat to listen to what he has to say.   "Of course. I always worry about you." He says. It makes my heart melt. "Hmmm you and the other girls." He clears his throat, and his comment all of a sudden doesn't to mean anything. I worry about the others though too.   "Why don't you send me out on mission then?" I ask now I look at him. He looks away not wanting to meet my eyes.   "We should go." He says, opening his door. My jaw drops, at him ignoring my question. I hop out and catch up to him.   "Answer me." I say, knowing I can speak to him this way. He doesn't care, but if I spoke like this to some of the other managers I'd get slapped.  If Crash was still my manager I'd probably be running 10 killers which sucks when you have a running course as long as two backetball courts with 20 lines marked.   "Because you sometimes aren't the right person for a job." He makes up something.   "Are you kidding?" I ask.   "We're not talking about this right now." He says, and by his tone I can tell he means it. I look ahead of myself, pushing the anger down. In front of my are entrance doors to Weston High. Home of the Foxes. We push open the doors, and we're meet with teens laughing and skateboarding around. Phones in hands, headphones covering ears, and even a couple couple making out. This must be like a cafeteria area. None of this rings a bell. I don't recognize anyone, I don't remember the school at all. I step closer to Luke, maybe I'm not ready!  We walk around the big mess, and make it to the office. The lady gives me a schedule, and has Luke sign a couple more papers, apparently they knew I was coming. We get shooed out of the office once everything is taken care of, and Luke pulls me aside away from all the noise.   "Okay... Blaire, listen closely." He begins, I nod watching his eyes. "Remember all the rules. Do your job and get out of here as fast as you can. Mr. Wahls is only testing you, this is it. If you pass, you're cleared. You'll be his go to mark. Stay focused and come back to me." He says, but he doesn't seem to realize exactly what he said. He said come back to him.  Gladly. Although the whole Mr. Wahls thing has me a bit confused I don't say anything I just nod. I'll come back to him. I always do.   "Have fun." I say waving goodbye. He leaves, and I turn towards the mess of people. Jesus I'm in high school! I look at my schedule, and head in the direction of my first period class, Anatomy. Which is body parts and bodily functions. That was one of the classes I took a couple years ago, for my medical training. I have it all drilled in my head. Walking into the classroom the teacher looks up surprised to see a student.   "You must be Ms. Kennedy. Blaire Kennedy?" he looks up  pushing his glass up so he can see properly.   "Yes, Mr. Witeman?" I pronounce his name like white-man. He smiles, and I the corner of his eyes crinkle. He is older. White hair, glasses, doctor looking.   "Yes. Nice to meet you." He offers his hand, and I shake it firmly. "I have your things..." He gets up and goes into the closet behind his desk. I look around the room, and see posters of the body, and tables that have three stools each instead of desks. There are to skeletons in the back of the room, along with fake body parts on shelves. "Here you are, text book, packet for this chapter, and your body part."   "Body part?" I hold up " What do I need to do with a talus bone?" I ask, looking at the ankle bone in my hand. It's fake, plastic, but still weird to need. I glance at him, and he seems surprised. "What?" I ask.   "You know what that is?" he questions. "Without any of the other parts next to it." he seems amazed.   "Yeah.. I've taken Anatomy.. a couple of times." I make up on the spot. " I move often..." he looks sad, but yet happy.   "Well, I'm sorry to here that, but I'm glad I have one student who might know what I'm talking about." He laughs, and his laugh makes me smile. He is just a nice friendly old man! I'm guessing he will be my favorite teacher.  "Well.. I have three open seats in first hour. There is right in front middle, with John and Landon, or three rows back on the far right with Rachel and Logan, or there is al-"   "I'll take the front. I don't care really." I say, and he jots that down real quick. Then the bells rings, and I get a little nervous. school is starting now. I'm officially a highschool student. I sit down, obviously I'm the first one in the classroom. As other people start flowing into the room, I get a couple looks, but no one talks to me and some people don't even seem to notice me. I'm okay with that.   "Hey babe you new?" A boy slides into the seat next to me, I turn looking him over. Sandy blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and a cocky grin. I can smell smoke on him. It makes my nose wrinkle at how strong the scent is. I grab my things and move them away from his, and just nod. "Where ya from?"   "Des Moines." I say, remembering my back story. Although I really am from here, Chicago. I don't know where the faciility is located, but I know the drive here wasn't horribly long only 3 hours.   "What brought you all the way to Chicago?" He asks, and from his body language and tone of voice I can tell none of this matters to him.   "Foster care system." I say, looking at him.   "You're in the system?" He puts his chair on all fours, and now it seems his interest is peeked. I just nod. "Man that's gotta suck... hey if ya ever need anything. I mean anything.  You just lemme know!" he winks, and I'm pretty sure he is offering me drugs.   "Thanks." I say as another boy slides into the seat next to him. He checks me out, and his eyes flick at the other boy who's name I didn't get. "Blaire.. Kennedy." I introduce myself to both of them.   "I'm John.. and this idiot is Landon." the new boy says. He has blonde hair as well, but brown eyes. He is short and skinny.  Then the bell rings and Mr. Witeman quites down the class. He doesn't introduce me at all, which I'm greatful for, and he tells the class that he wants them to begin working on there packet. I look down at it, sighing as I write my name on the top. It's a matching activity matching the names with the right bone. I look up at Mr. Witeman, is he really gonna put me through this? I could do this whole packet in this class period.   "I'll just let you do this... unless you want different work." He says, catching my eye.   "Ah.. no it's okay." I say, and he nods. I begin, and I notice Landon and John both trying to get answers from my work. Should I let them copy? They aren't learning anything if I do, but do I want these to guys hating me? I'm guessing I don't. I let them continue, and I look back around at the rest of the class a second. I see some people who are actually trying, some on their phones, and even a couple that are sleeping. No wonder this is all the work they have to do. I flip to the next page once they're finishee copying, and we keep up this system through class. When the bell rings signalling second period, I gather my things.   "See later babe!" Landon says with a wink, and John just waves. I shake my head heading to my locker. I set my Anatomy things in there and head to my next period. Food and Culture, a cooking class. This is my only class I'm worried about. I can't cook. I've never been able to. I don't even like cooking. I go in and see the teacher, introductions are done, and she gives me my text book and tells me where she wants me to sit. Taking my seat, in the front again next to a girl who is already in her seat I lean back. The teacher is definetly more uptight then Mr. Witeman that's for sure. I get through class, and apparently this class is just a big mess because no one in here gives a shit. I was the only one participating, and I could tell Mrs. Lagor appreciated that.   Third period came, and I was stuck in yet another class that I would breeze through. French. Mrs. Lebough pronounced Lay-boof, entered the class late, and spoke only french when she walked in. Everyone else just shut up and stared having no idea what she said. Of course a couple kids caught a couple words, I caught all of it. She swore wishing she a longer break. She also had to be the first teacher to introduce me to the class.   "Introduire yourslef." She spoke, and obviously everyone could tell what that meant. I said my name, and where I was from. "Dire  á la classe ce que vous aimez faire pendant votre temps libre." She lost have of the class, and I glanced back at her. She didn't expect me to know what she has said.   "I like to read and go for runs in my free time." I state, and she glances up at me now slightly interested.   "Vous saves déjá francais?"  she questions me. I just nod. She doesn't seem impressed at all. "Tenir une conversation avec moi." she leans back in her chair, not believing me. She wants me to speak to her, in french.   "Oú est ma place?" I ask where my seat is, and she points to an  open desk in the back corner. "Merci." I say, "Je peux vous asseoir?" I ask if I can go sit down.   "Comment avez-vous apprendre le francais?" she asks me, and I let out a breath.   "Une famile avec qui je vivais m'a aprris." She nods gesturing for me to go sit. I get stared at as I walk through the ilse. Taking my seat I glance at the boy next to me. It's John. He is staring wide eyed.   "You must just know everything." then Mrs. Labough begins class. Unlike Mr. Witeman, she gives me more work, and I can tell she doesn't like the way I stood her up in class. I just role my eyes still finishing the worksheets. apparently worksheets is all they do. What else was I expecting though?  I don't but it wasn't this.    Fourth hour for me is  my lunch break, or which thank god Luke remembered to pack me something. I eat my apple, and smile seeing as he actually packed me a poptart and a juice. I sit alone at first, but as more and more people show up, the more eyes I can feel on me. Landon slides into the seat next to me, his cocky grin and smokey scent in place too.   "So.. I hear you're like some extra smart foreign exchange student from paris." He sighs.   "No. I just know french." I inform him.   "And anatomy." He laughs, and I nod that too. "Thanks for letting us copy by the way that was cool of you."   "No problem.." I don't know how to reply.   "So I was wondering what you were doing after school. Maybe I could show you around, take you to the fun places." I look at him, and by his body language I can see that he means a lot more then what he is saying. "I'm the guy if ya need a tour."   "Leave her alone Landon... it's only her first day back." A girl says sitting next to me on my other side. I look over seeing long beautifully straight brown hair. Clear baby but smooth face and deep brown eyes. She is beautiful, and I'm not into girls.   "Casey." Landon says, and not in a friendly way. "What ever. If you ever need anything Blaire you know who to come to." He gets up and walks away.   "Wow Blaire... it's only your first day back and you're already conversing with the druggies? I thought better of you." She says as if she knows me. I turn looking at her again. Should I know her? Casey... that name doesn't bring anything up. "Gosh look at you! You look just like I remember you, red curly hair and brown eyes. You've even lost a little weight! Puberty really helped you out!"  I choke on my juice, and look at her again.   "Excuse me?" I say once I can speak again. She smiles ready to laugh, but when she sees I'm serious her face falters, and she looks confused.   "You... don't rememebr me?" she asks, quietly. Should I? I just shake my head, and she looks defeated. "Damn... we were like best friends!" She begins. I don't know what to say right now.   "Casey, a word." a guy walks over, and both Casey and I look over. Wait. Brown hair brown eyes. Casey...and Caleb. Twins. I remember.   "Caleb." I say, "Casey and Caleb... Riker." I say, and the name Riker is something I recognize right away. "You have an older brother right?"   "Cody? Yeah, he is the P.E and math teacher." Casey says, smiling at me remembering. "Caleb.. it's Blaire remember from like seventh grade!?"    "Casey.. I need to talk to you. And yes hello, it's nice to see you again. " Caleb smiles at me briefly. Casey frowns getting up and I watch as the two of them move through the cafeteria. People say hi to them every five seconds, and I can tell they are popular. Were they before? I can't recall. I shake my head none of that matters. Cody Riker is all that matters. There brother is a person of interest. Must be under some protection detail. Although I don't know why a high school teacher would need protection. I have Gym class sixth hour and math seventh so I guess I'll get to see him soon. After lunch I have study hall and then his class so I guess I'll get to meet him soon enough. Chapter 3 Blaire's POV    Study hall is the most boring thing ever. Ever one else had a blast, paper was being tossed around the room, people were yelling and laughing, and no one was doing homework. I didn't have any homeword other wise that's what I would be doing. After about ten minutes, I get out of my seat and sign out to library. I haven't seen a library and I actually do like reading. I make it there, and I imediately regret it and wish I would have just stayed in my seat. Casey and bunch of her friends are hanging out in here. Along with Caleb and a couple of his friends. I haven't really remembered them yet, but they remember me, and it makes it hard for me. Although with their brother being my person of interest I should stay close to them. I'll have to talk to Luke about it.   "Hey! Blaire what class do you have right now?" Casey stands up and drags me over to the others.   "Study hall... I needed something to do." I gesture to the shelves of books. She just shakes her head and me, and pulls me towards her friends. "I really can't stay long!" I inform her, not wanting to stay long. She begins introducing me to every one as if she didn't hear what I said. I don't listen much, in fact I watch her most of the time. I don't understand how I was ever friends with someone so pushy, and bossy!   "... And that's Mark, he is my boyfriend." She finishes, and the only person's name I catch is Mark's. He is big and obviously atheletic, with muscles so gigantic you'd think he was a WWE wrestler.   "Nice to meet you all..." I wave awkwardly. I just get smiles or quick nods back, I can read that they are all upset that Casey seems to like me more. I'm starting to figure this situation out. Casey is the leader of the pack. At least the girls. The guys really could careless I notice. "So.. you girls are all like .. the most popular girls in school?" I ask not really caring that that isn't a question you should really ask.  Every one quiets down, and looks between each other.   "Well.. I mean... if you really want to label it." Casey turns and looks down at me. I can tell she is actually mad at me for asking, I just shrug it off.  "Anyways...!" she turns seeming to have forgotten the whole thing already. "Back to party planning."   I stand and listen, somewhat intimidated by her. I don't know what she would do if I tried to walk away. I wouldn't put it past her to yell at me to come back, or maybe even drag me! Listening did give me some insight though. Party at her house Friday after school. The house where Cody Riker is living at right now. That might be a good place to dig for information. The problem would be getting the permission to go. I'm sure I can get Luke to let me.   After a while I start to wander the library, walking through isle after isle. I pick up a couple books examining the covers and reading the short bio's about the authors. I stay close enough to still hear everything that is talked about, but the topic doesn't stray from the party. Apparently, Casey and Caleb .. well and Cody... live out in the contry around here, and throw parties often after football games.  Casey is cheerleader, Mark is a football player.  Caleb isn't into football, and all of Casey's friends are cheerleaders with her. She is the captain. I'm seeing a patern. After a while I get bored, and I debate on just leaving the library, but I tell myself to stay, because the moment I leave is the moment I'll miss something important.   Some one grabs my shoulder, and my body goes into it's first reaction. I grab the hand, and duck pulling the person over my shoulder, but doing it in a way that when they hit the ground no noise is made, and then I'm left gripping there arm that is now turned funny, and a foot stepping on their shoulder.   "Holy shit... whatjust happened?" Caleb coughs.   "Oh god!" I let go of him, and help him up. "I'm sorry! You shouldn't sneak up on me like that!" I say, quietly.   "Yeah?" He laughs. "Noted for next time.." He roles his shoulder, he is watching me now with a deep fascination and it's making me uncomfortable. "Where'd you learn to do that at?" He asks, and I scratch the back of my neck.   "I'm a black belt.."I shrug, which isn't a lie.  I know a very large variety of fighting styles, karate in general is only half of it.   "Really? Think you could teach me some cool stuff like that?" He smiles, and I feel something in me. Me heart speeds, at my brain connecting to a distant memory. I recognize that smile. I remember now, how he slightly tilts his head to the left, and his smile makes him look younger. His brown eye dance with wonder, and I find myself remembering a little more. Caleb Riker... the soccer star and class clown and, my middle school crush.   "Ah... I don't know.." I shake my head at the knew knowledge I had stored deep down. Then the bell saves me, and I leave as fast as I can. Now it's time to meet Mr. Riker. I need to focus and stay sharp. Gain as much information in the first meeting as I can. Going towards the locker room, I change in a bathroom stall and get to gym before all the other girls. In fact I'm the first person in the gym at all. I begin stretching rolling my own shoulders, and touching my toes and the ground. Then I fall into my splits, and reach for my toes that way too. I'm sure we won't do that much physical activity that this is all needed but I don't know what else to do.   "Hey.. I never was able to ask you what happened to you." Casey sits next to me. "Nice form by the way... were you a cheerleader at your old school?" she asks. Ha! Old school.   "No." I inform her and she looks impressed.   'So.. what happened? You just up and left... I heard you went to a mental hospital." she whispers the last part. Memories from the institution come to my mind, and I let out a breaht. She isn't wrong. I was sent a psych ward, of course I was sent there under false allegations by my parents.   "Ah... no I was tossed into foster care... my parents were ..ah are shitty people." I say going with my fake story I'm supposed to use. She wrinkles her nose, and gives me a simpathetic look. Pity. I look away not wanting to see it.  "A family took me in right away though, a good family. With a son. But... then there was the accident... So, now it's only Luke and I." My stomach flutters at his name. The only time Ill ever be able to actually say his name, I'm not suppossed to say Luke... I have to use Mr. Smith... anothr rule between manager and mark.   "How old is Luke?" she asks, and I can see the interest in her face. "Do you consider each other brother and sister?" she wiggles her brow at me, assuming things. I wish.   "Yes! He is my brother!" I jump to my feet. The heat rushing to my face isn't fake, and I try to calm down. " And he is twenty if you must know." I add. Her smile turns into more of a smirk, and it sends shivers through me. No way girl he is off limits! I yell in my head.   "Alright... everyone I want 3 laps around the gym!" An authoritive voice yells, just after the second bell rings signalling that sixth hour has now officially started. I hear Casey next to me mumble something about how she wish Caleb would get his head out of his ass. I glance in the direction the voice came from, and there he is. Standing with a clipboard checking off students for attendance. I pictured he would look either more intimidating and scary or more wimpy and feeble. At first look though he seems to just be a normaly in shape guy. I really don't understnad my reasoning for being here. I finish first with out even trying to really run, I practically jogged the whole thing! "Alex... James... Bla-" He pauses.  "Blaire Kennedy?" He asks, looking up. I hold up my hand and he looks at me. Looks in an understatement! More like his eyes tear me apart peeling away my clothes, and every ounce of strength I have! I don't like the feeling it gives me, so I look away, and move as far away as I can from him. What was that about? Maybe he recognized me from back when I was friends with his little siblings. I can feel the goosebumps on my arms, and I shake it off. Alright so he can be slightly intimidating. Well noted for next time.   The rest of the class is completely and utterly awkard. He stares. And stares. And Stares. Even Casey says something to him, but it doesn't seem to have an affect. They play volleyball for gym, and I get tossed into the mix playing back row. I'm apparently really good at it, and get multiple praises for diving to the floor and digging spiked balls from the other team. Casey informs me that it isn't to late for me to join the team, and I shake away the thought. No team joining for me.   Once we're finally dismissed to change I'm the first person out of the gym. I'm sick of his eye beating down on me! I change quickly back into my clothes, and I fix my hair and it makes me feel like a high school student for a second.  All the girls walk in and completely stripe naked, boobs and all, and it makes me uncomfortable even though I'm sure I'm more mature about it then they are. Hell, I've had to be around naked guy for hours before! I guess I'm self concious around these girls. I head back to the gym, not wanting to hang around any more. Once I'm there I regret it. It's just Riker and me. He glances up seeing who came in. He sends me a smile and walks towards me. His was is slow but has takes big strides, and he holds himself up high. Confident, he stops a couple feet away looking down at me. Everyone looks down at me though... I'm short.   "I rememebr you." He begins. "You were my brothers girlfriend weren't you?"   "No!"  My hands go to my hips. I wonder if he knows I'm here watching him. If I'm protecting him he shouldn know that's why I'm here, since he did hire someone for it, but I don't think that's why I'm here. What on earth would he need protection from? He is a highschool gym and math teacher... I need to talk to Luke. I'm guessing he knows more. "We never dated.." I search my memory. I don't remember ever actually dating him, just liking him so that has to be right.   "Oh?" He teases, a smirk playing on his lips now. "I vaguely remember hearing about how you two were caught kissing while you were spending the night at the house for Casey's birthday."   "I don't remember that at all." I say flatly. It's true I don't. Now I wonder if it's true Then the bell saves me. I go my locker happy to be away from him. Then it strikes me that I now have math with him. I slowly make my way to his room, wondering if it's possible for me to switch classes, but that would be pointless because he is the reason I'm here. Slipping into the room I'm greeting with only three other students. Looking down at my schedule I see Calculus 3, and I scratch my eyebrow. Calculus is really hard algebra. I was only taught up to Algebra II!   "Blaire." He greets me, and I just nod my head. "You're in Calc 3?" He questions, I'm guessing by the look on my face he can tell I'm slightly confused.   "I... think I need to be moved to another class." I admit." Like... maybe Algebra 2." I offer.   "Just try it for today.. lets see where you're at." He offfers, gesturing for me to take a seat. I do, and I actually pay attention trying to understand what's going on. None of it makes any since, and I don't comprehend how any of it works, but I catch on fast surprisingly. I couldn't explain how to do any of it, but I hold up and only ask for help once. I impressed him. It gives me comfort knowing that this will be the only class I'll struggle in other then maybe cooking!   After Calculus, I have English IV. I actually almost sleep through the class along with everyone else. The teach Mrs. Kay, plays a video that take the whole class period and it taught us nothing. I honestly couldn't even tell you what it's purpose was. It was just a thing to watch to pass time. At one point, Mrs. Kay even fell asleep. A student sneezing woke her back up and then she started typing feverishly on her computer again. Once the last bell rang signaling the end of the school day. I tossed everything in my locker, and walked out and found the SUV Parked I walked towards the car, and stopped before I opened the door when I heard Casey yell behind me.   "Nice ride." She looked at it, and I nodded. The window are tinted so she can't see inside, but I know Luke it in there right now watching and listening intently. "You're brother in there?" she asks interest peaked. I just nod, praying Luke stays in the vehicle. "So... you're foster family must've had money!" She says still lookig at it, and I just shrug, I wasn't told about if we had money or not. I don't really think that matters either.   "Blaire... we gotta get going. You have karate yet tonight."  Luke's voice rings out from above us. We both look up, and see him leaning over the top of the roof. He must've opened the back door and is standing on the seat.   "Holy shit!" I hear Casey next to me. I almost say I know, but I refrain.   "Okay." I reach for the car door handle. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."   "Yes!" the way she says it implies that she needs to talk to me. "Bye! It was nice to meet you!" she then waves to Luke. I get in the vehicle and so does he. Nothing is said at first, we both just look at each other as if we haven't seen each other in years. It really feels like that to me though. The car jerks forward, and it pulls us back into the present.   "So." He clears his throught, "How was school?" He asks, looking down at the paper work in his hands.   "Different, and not what I expected." I sigh, laying my head against the window. "Do you have any idea why I'm watching Riker? I have been thinking about this all day and I havent figured it out."   "I don't know. I've been wondering as well, it's odd that they sent you back here." I can tell by the look on his face his doesn't want me doing what ever it is I'm supposed to be doing. Why? Does he really think I can't do it? I'll prove him wrong. I can do this. "It's not smart for you to be back here either." He adds.   "How so?" I sit up straight, I wish I could just read his mind! Or at least have him actually tell me what he is thinking.   "I did soome research while you were gone. Your parents still live in the area, and if you ran into them we'd have a prob-" He stops, rubbing his forehead.   "What was that?" I ask, and I can feel the anger in me boiling.   "Nothing... forget I said anything." he sighs trying to look as if he is reading the documents in his hands.   "Tell me." I demand. "If I ran into my parents why would that cause problems?" I ask, trying to stay civil and open minded.   "Blaire... just forget I said anything please." He looks up at me, but lets out a sigh seeing as I'm not giving up. "Well... When your parents put you into the institution, they filled out all the paper work and did everything correctlly. It was by luck, that it was your name that was chosen. Mr. Wahl's needed more marks. He went to hospitals looking for options, he came across you. You were the first an only girl he took. Because there was a lot of legal stuff that needed to be taken care of."   "What are you saying?!" I ask, not really understanding. I caught some of it, but I know there is more to it then what he has said.   "You're parents had to give us permission to take you... they wanted money..." He sighs. I sit back, looking at my hands in my lap. My parents sold me.. to the government. "In the contract they signed, one of there other rules was that they didn't want to see you ever again." That smacks me like a bucket of bricks. All this time  I've been mad at my parents for not paying the institute they put me in for no reason. Now I have the facts. They sold me. They just threw me.. there only child.. away as if I was just a bug.   "If that's a rule then what am I doing here where there is a chance the contract might be breached?" I ask, feeling the anger I was already holding towards them grew.    "No clue." He sighs. Then it's quiet the rest of the ride home. Once the SUV is parked, and I'm aloud to get out of the vehicle I do. "Blaire... hey I'm sorry... I shouldn't have kept that from you.. but I ju-"   "No. I'm happy you told me." I reply, feeling the water works coming. I don't want to cry in front of him. Although right now I don't want to be alone either. "I'm gonna go bring this to my room." I say and it sounds odd.   "Blaire I didn't mean to keep it from you... Mr. Wahls didn't want you knowing." He says stepping closer to me.   "It's okay.. I'm gonna go." I turn and leave beforehe says anything else. I can feel him watching me. I walk like normal, holding my self up strong and unafraid. Once I'm out of his view, my shoulders slump and the tears almost spill. I run to my room, thankful that I don't run into anyone I slam the door shut, toss my book bag in the corner, and break down onto the floor crying.   "Blaire? You're gonna miss super!" Tessa's voice wakes me up. I uncrumple myself, feeling tight and sore. I feel asleep on the floor. I stand up looking at my reflection. It's obvious I've been crying. My pale skin doesn't exactly hide red puffy cheeks.  "Blaire are you in there?" She knocks.   "Yeah... I'm not feeling to good. I think I'm going to skip super tonight." I say, walking into my bathroom and turning on the shower.  If she replied I didn't hear her. I showered scrubbing my face, and washing my hair. Laying down on my bed even though not tired, I try to fall asleep. I sit up five minnute later knowing it's hopeless. I get up changing into my work-out clothes, and make my way to the indoor center. No one ever trains after super so I should be okay and my face should look alright I scrubbed it raw in the shower. I open the door, and I actually do hear someone in here. I peak around. I spot Luke, his working with one of the dozens of punching bags.  He looks up at the sound of the door closing behind me. Our eyes meet and there is something small talked about without words being used.   He is really sorry about everything with my parents. He understands why I'm mad and upset. But. I can tell by the look on his face. He wants me here. We have each other. To talk to and be around. When it's Luke and I no words need to be said, we're okay with silence  (most of the time). We have a good relationship. It's almost to good. It drive me insane.   "I was waiting for.." he speaks first walking over. "I figured you would come once super was over." He sighs, scratching the back of his neck.   "Here I am. So what did I miss today?" I ask, knowing he already had one training session with his other marks.   "We all just worked on scaling buildings and other climbing techinques." He shrugs, and I smile. I love doing these. It makes me feel like a monkey!  "Lets go." He smiles, and we walk over to the different types of walls. There is a rock wall, brick wall, and just a plain glass wall. There are also huge jungle gyms, that are just bars going up and down and side to side that go up three stories. There is a bell at the top, and normally you get timed to see how long it takes you. I've done it now some many times, I could climb up there in my sleep. So inside Luke has us play tag. It's hard running around on the bars, because it you fall you fall all the way down, unless another bar breaks your fall. None of us has fallen ever yet, but it's always a possibility. We start keeping up a light and easy conversation, about my school day. I explain to him , how I apparently used to be friends with Casey and Caleb, and how Riker is their older brother. I tell him about how my classes are  dumb, and that my french teacher doesn't like me.   After a good two hours of climbing and a little bit of messing around, we call it a night. I head back to my room, and change cloasping on to my bed. Tomorrow my real job begins. It's digging time, and I'm ready. Chapter 4 Blaire's POV   This place is huge! I'm going to get lost here. The music is so loud, I can barely hear myself think. All of the other peopl here are older, why did I let her drag my into this. We shouldn't be here. I'm walking aimlessly around some house looking for Casey or Caleb which is hard to do while there is a party going on. I haven't seen either of them for a long time, and it's starting to worry me. I go outside, to see if maybe one of them ventureed that far. Of course Casey did. I find her witha group of boys, obviously way to old for her. I walk over, asking her if we can get going. She has no intention of leaving yet, I can tell. I walk away, not happy with her. On my way back inside I think to myself about going out the to car and waiting for them. I should tell them that's what I'm doing though. Not Casey though, she'd probably forget the second after I walked away.   After another fifteen minutes of wondering, I finally find Caleb. He is hanging out in a room of other kids from our class. I go sit next to him and hang out with them awhile, and we play a couple rounds of  Seven Minutes in Heaven. It's like spin the bottle, at least this version of the game is. Someone spins the bottle in the middle, and who ever it lands on is in the closet. That same person gets to spin the bottle to see who goes in with them. Then they're in the closet for seven minutes doing what ever they want. A girl spins the bottle and it lands on me, I get up and pray the bottle will land on someone fun.  It stops spinning after a minute, and I follow my eyes in the direction. It pointing directly at Mason who is sitting next to Caleb. I hold my hand, with a teasing / joking wink. He smiles gladly taking my hand. Entering into the closet, he asks about having the light on or off.  I reach turning it on, just so I can see what's around us.   "So, Blaire Kennedy actually parties!" he smirks, and I pretend to be offended. I not much of a partier, Casey prtactically dragged me here! I wont tell him that though. I suppose he is cute too. Shaggy brown hair with green eyes. He plays soccer with Caleb. Caleb and him are actually good friends. " I thought the bottle was going to land  on Caleb, honestly." he admits.   "Well you're the lucky one instead." I say, and his smile grows and he steps closer. I lean in and so does he and then we're kissing. His hands go to my waist, and I wrap mine around his neck. I've kissed people before. Like Caleb... we have kissed...a lot... but for some reason this kiss is different. Maybe it's because we're kissing just to kiss. Not because we like each other. But it's good. We seem to move in sync together, and I slip my tognue over his lips letting him no I want a little more. It seems like hours pass before we heard the knock on the door signalling our time was up. We break apart, and I know my cheecks are red. Mason no all of sudden seems thirty times more attractive. He opesn the door for me, and we walk out hold hands and smiling. Then take our seats again. I'm on Caleb left and he is on Calebs right. After a couple more rounds, after ours I finally peak behind Caleb at him. He glance over me too. He leans in closer to say something so I do so I can hear him.   "We should hang out some time." He says, I nod with a smile. "Cool. I'll text you!"  Then we go back to the game and have a good time.  After a couple more rounds people start breaking off, it gets boring. Caleb asks me what I want to do, but I don't know. I want to leave again now that I'm doing anything fun. I'm not comfortable hanging out with the older guys, because of that simple reason they're oldering. I also don't drink... so it's weird there too.   "I think I'm just going to go to the car." I tell him, and he looks sad but doesn't say anything. "You can come with." I offer, and he shakes his head. I nod, and tell him I'll be waiting. I head outside, towards the car we drove here. Then it happens.   I'm being dragged. The hand is rough and dry like always, and no one is outside to help me. I fight, and try to break free and scream but I get know where. I get shoved into a car, and try to turn and look, but I'm to slow. I lifts my skirt, reavealing a pair of black spandex. His breath smells of alcohol, and it's cold against my skin. So are his hands that touch me everywhere.   "You're my favorite... Blaire." He whispers in my ear, and send shiver through me. He knows who I am? I don't recognize his voice at all. It has to be one of the older boys here, he is way to tall and strong for him to be around my age. I hear a zipperr,  I try to scream, and break free, but his grip only tightens, and I know there is no getting out of this unless someone comes and helps me. He pulls down my spandex, and I feel tears leave my eyes.  Why didn't I just stay inside with Caleb!?    Then it happens. The world seems to go slow just to torture me. I fight and cry the whole time, which didn't help any. His pace picks up, and it hurts like hell and then out of the blue sirens begin screaming getting closer with every second. Cops! Yes, the cops are here!   "Time for me to leave." He sigh. Moving my hair to one side, he kisses and sucks on my neck for a minute. Then just like that he is out and gone. I turn right away, but no one is in sight. I pull up my spandex and skirt, exiting the car. It's a black 2004 Malibu. I have no idea who's car that is. I run over to cops and tell them waht happened. Then I get stuffed into the back of one of there cars, and I'm stuck there for 2 hours while they crash the party. Finally I get brought to the hopsital where my parent were already waiting. The looks on there faces crushes me.  The doctor does a rape kit, and then say I need to go home and rest.   I fall out of my bed, with a thud. I stay on the floor trying to comprehend what I just witnessed. That was that night. I was at the party with Caleb and Casey. The seven minutes in heaven was new, and so was the hospital visit. Those are memories. That is what happened that night. I sit up, rubbing my eyes. What brought all the other memories back I wonder. I guess I did just see Caleb and Casey today at school yesterday. I shake my head, unsure if that was a nightmare or not.  Of course it was a bad dream, but that wasn't as bad as it normally is.  What he siadi rings in my ears like usual. "You're my favorites... Blaire." . I shake it all off, able to push it away. I get in the shower again, to start my day. Slipping into a different outfit I was given, I braid my hair back, and go to breakfast.    Sitting at the table with the girls for breakfast all dressed in normal clothes draw attention of course but they dont ask. I'm not aloud to share what my missions are with them anyways, so that's more then likely why they didn't ask. Luke comes and taps me on shoulder a little bit later, and I know it's time to go. I wave to them, and follow Luke out.   "How'd you sleep?" he asks.   "I had a weird dream..." I admit scratching my eyebrow, he looks over at me. "Okay so it was about that night." I begin, and he listens intently. I never talk about it with him. He knows I don't like talking about it, so when I do talk about it he listens carefully. "I was at a party.. which I already knew... but Casey and Caleb were there. I went there with them." I say. "It was just like the whole memory being replayed." I shake my head.   "Hmmm..." He sighs, thinking about it. "Seeing them probably triggered it. Was there anything else weird?" he asks.   "Well... it even went on and continued up until when the doctor told me to go home and rest." I shrugged, "My parents faces were davasted they were so disapointed." I whisper. "If that wouldn't have happened... maybe they would have kept me." I think out loud.   "Why would you want even think that?" Luke questions me. "They sold you Blaire. If you could go back and not not go the party or what ever, would you still really want to live there with them, knowing that they would sell you."   "No I wouldn't." I look at the ground. That's a great point. We load into the vehicle, and the rest of the  ride is quite. Both of us deep in thought. Once we pull up the school, Luke gets out with me. "What are you doing? You going to school too?" I try a joke. We left things serious.   "No I wanted some privacy." He looks at the front seat driver, oh so this is serious too. "Friday after the game I'm going to let you go to that party."   "I don't wa-" I begin confused, but he interupts.   "Go to there house. Get information. Figure this out for the both of us, and then you can come back home." He says, and then with that he gets back into the vehicle.  I watch as they drive away. Okay then.   "So you guys have a driver?" Caleb asks, walking up to me. I just nod with a shrug. How else would I explain that? "That's cool... so you must have money then.." He says glancing up at the school, then back to me. We walk inside, and I explain that my foster family did have money. "Anyways... so I think you already know but, my sister and I are throwing a party at our place Friday." he begins slowly. "And I know that the last party you went to with us things didn't go good." He sighs, and him bringing that night up makes me think about my dream.   "Does Mason still go to school here?" I ask, and he pauses. I look up at him in curiosity.   "You remembered him.. but not Casey or me?" He asks, confused and hurt.   "Memories are... slowly coming back to me." I sigh. "Now what about this party?" I ask. Now he smiles, and steps in front of me. What on earth is he doing? I look around, and other students aren't paying any attention. I look up at him and his smile is confident and knowing.   "Will you go to the party with me?" He asks.   "It's at your place isn't it?" I ask and he nods, "So... you'll already be there once I get there... I wouldn't be going with you." His face falters at my smart ass reply. "And... I think I'll have to talk to Casey before I can answer you. I don't want to start things off between us weird."   "Makes sense, just let me know?" I nod, and he winks and walks towards the crowd of kids. I avoid it and find my way to my locker. I go to my first period class, Anatomy and hang out talking with Mr. Witeman. He is actually a very interesting person to talk to, very open minded and kind. He asks, about my family, and I tell him the whole fake foster family thing, and by the look on his face he hasn't ever heard anything like it. But the look on his face doesn't have pity. It's more of a proudness. He is proud that I'm still alive and trying even though I've been through so much.   Once the first bell rings and class starts,  I lay my head down on the desk, after I finish my page in the packet. Landon and John copy of of mine again, and they talk to me about going to the party as well. They want me to go with them too.   "I've already been asked." I say after they finish.   "Damn Rike, he is a fast fucker."  Landon sighs, leaning back. I watch as him and John as they look at each other with smirks.   "How'd you know it was Caleb?" I ask, looking at them both.   "He's had a crush on you since we were in like fifth grade." They laugh as if it's commonsense.   "I left for like 4 years though." I inform them, and they just role their eyes.   "Well now your back and smokin hot." John sighs, and I look down at my paper unsure what to say to that. "Did you say yes?"   "No. I don't plan on saying it either." I tell them. They both turn and look at me, as if I just said the unthinkable. "What? I just don't want it to cause trouble anywhere or with any one." I lean back, and we get shushed by Mr. Witeman.   "What about us?" Landon asks.   "I'll go wtih you." I shrug. They give each other loud high fives, and Mr. Witeman looks at us again.  I apologize and we all quiet down talking about random stuff up to the bell. Then I'm on my way to Food and Culture, and I'm happy to find out she isn't here today so we just have a study hall. I ask to go to the library, and when I go in there I'm meet with Landon and John again. They're whole group of friends seems to be here, and I introduce myself, and we mess around for the whole period.   We all turn our heads and look to see who came into the library, when we hear the door close. It's Casey. She looks at all of them, but stops at me. I wave, feeling weird with her staring at me.   "What's going on?" She asks, walking slowly over to where we are.   "Just chillin waiting for thrid period." Landon is the first person to speak.   "I see... umm Blaire could I have a word." She asks, practically ignoring Landon. I nod once getting up, I tell them I'll be right back. I follow her out of the library and she looks around to seeif other people are coming, once she knows we're alone she looks at me sternly. "What are you doing with those idiots!?"   "They aren't idiots.. they're actually kind of smart." I start, and from the look on her face I can  tell that was the wrong answer. "And they are a lot more fun then sitting in Food and Culture doing nothing."   "Blaire.. I'm just saying becareful around them. They aren't good people to get messed up with you." She says, slowly as if I wouldn't understand her at all if she spoke at a normal pace. The way she tries the control me and tell me the way I should act! I don't like it. What crawled up her ass and made her Queen Bee?   "Casey.. can we get something straight?" I ask, ready to set her in her place. Her place... the party. I need to stay on her good side. I let out a breath, and she asks me what I was gonna say. "I just want you to know that I wont fall into some pit of drugs." I smile cheerily, and so does she.   "Good!" she says, "Oh, I heard Caleb talking to some of his friends ealier... he said that you were going to hang out with him at the party?" she knudges me, and I shake my head. "What? Why?"   "He did ask me.. but I told him probably not. I don't want things to be awkward between me and you." I make up. Of course that's the reason I"m going to tell everyone here. I can't just openly say hey, I'm here to spy on your borther, so I don't want any relationships. She thinks about what I said for a moment, and I can't tell if she is mad or just thinking about it.   "Well... I think you should just go for it... I mean nothing stopped the two of you before right?" She giggles, punching my shoulder in a friendly manner, and then she prances off. I watch after her wondering what she means by nothing stopped us before. I don't remember the two of us doing anything! Did we do something? Who can I ask to find out for sure? I turn back into the library, and they all ask me what she wanted.   "Were Caleb and I like a thing before I left?" I sit down, and they all look between each other. As if I must be crazy. I don't like it. "Just answer the damn question.. I don't remember that's why I'm asking."  Landon snickers, and John leans forward clearing his throat. I get told a bunch of little facts about my past that I totally forgot about, and I wonder how I don't remember some of the things they tell me.  "We really got caught making out during a movie? While at school?" I cover my face with my hands.   "It wasn't really making out.. it was more of a passionate kiss." Landon informs me, and I rub my eyes. How does this kind of stuff just disapear from a persons mind? Acording to what they told me Caleb and I were an unofficial couple. Always together, whispering and flirting and smiling. Sneaking around behind Casey's back but she eventually caught on. She was alright with it though, she wanted us to actually get together and be a couple. But we never did just in case it didn't work, then we wouldn't feel to awkward around each other afterwards.  It's weird  because John was even able to tell me about the night of the party. Casey was apparently telling everyone what happened that night. Before the three of us left, Casey caught Caleb and I in his room on his bed. He had his shirt off, and he had his hands up my shirt.  Then I disapeared from the party and was never seen or heard from again until now.   "Well.. I guess I didn't think any of it was to spectacular.. I don't remember any of it." I sit back, seriously not comprehending how I don't remember a boy touching me like that.  In fact the only time I ever remember anybody touching my in any sexual way is at that party.  Crash hasn't even touched me like that, he wants to and has asked to, but he hasn't actually done it.   The bell goes off, and I say later to them all. I head to my next class, French, and I take my seat earning a glare from the overly friendly Lebough. The class flies, after she finishes teaching us the lesson for the day , and then she hands out the homework, giving me three pages next to everyone elses one. I still finish it within the class period, and I lay my head down on the desk and day dreaming about forbidden things... AKA Luke. I'm the first one out of the room when the bell rings, and the rest of my day flies up until P.E. I change running into the gym, and I spot Mr. Riker standing under the basketball hoop like yesterday. I make my way over to him, I still haven't decided how to go about this. I've been taught how to act, and manipulate people.. get them to talk... but how do I go about doing it to him?   "Hey I have a question." I sigh, figuring out something to at least start a conversation. He looks down at me with a sharp smile, and makes a check on the clip board he is holding. "Okay.. so I've heard a bunch of different things and I'm guessing you can set me straight." I begin and he crosses his arms intrigued. He steps closer to me. In that one step I realize what kind of person he might be. He is close. Very close. It doesn't phase me really knowing that if he tried anything I'd just kick his ass, so I continue on. "Were Caleb and I an official couple or were we just benefit types buddies?"  His smile turns into a huge grin, and he even chuckles slightly.   "You two were a bit of both to be honest. You were always teasing and touching each other, but you never actually said anything about it. You never said like all the I like you type things. Never went on actually dates or anything, but I for a fact know that you did had done some things."  He  says, a smile on his face the entire time. "Why you wondering? Yesterday it seemed like you could've cared less."   "Like I said.. because people have told me a bunch of different things... I was wondering. I don't rememerb any of it." I shrug, leaning over and touching my toes. Bait. If he glances at my but, I'll get an idea about who he is. He doesn't. I stand up after a minute, thank him, and walk away and stretch. What did you do Cody Riker, to get the government on your trail? Chapter 5 Blaire's POV    I'm sitting in math now, and I'm still off. Honestly, I'm not comprehending any of whats going on. In both the math class, and my mission! Why am I here, he is jst a normal guy and if he needed protection wouldn't he know that was I was I here? I shake my head shaking away the thoughts, and I focus again on my math book trying to work out the problem he told us too. Math is a dumb thing. I have a full career... acept I'm not getting paid whihc I'm okay with, and I've never used math. Actually that's probably a lie. I do probability problems in my head often, and I think about how much objects and people weigh, to see if I have a chance.   Focus here Blaire!   Back to my math book again, I finally give up and raise my hand to ask for help. He comes over, laying on on the right side of the desk, and leans in close to hear what I have to ask. It distracts me a for a minute, how he gets so close, but all the teachers do this when a student raises there hand.   "I ah.. I still don't get how to do this." I sigh, I'm not one to ask for help very often, and so far this is my second time asking him for it in one day. I asking him about Caleb and I in P.E, and now.  He crouches down bending his knees to become eye level with me. I look to left which is the side he is on, and he right hand that was resting my desk, moves and lands the back of my chair. He goes through three problem with me, and I finally start catching on to how to do what ever this even in. "Thank you... I didn't mean to take away your free time." I apologize.   "It's my job. No worries." He stands up, and his hands moves to my shoulder. It's would be weird, if I hadn't been trying to figure him out. But I just know that he is this friendly, and he knows me. I was his sister best friend. "Anytime you need help don't be shy, okay?"   "If you say so." I smile, " I hope you know what your in for now." I smirk, and he chuckles walking back towards his desk.  The smile never fades away, his chucke was contagious. I leave his room after the bell rings, and English goes by quickly. Time to go back home. Maybe Luke is in the car?! I hurry to my locker, and throw my things in not remembering or caring if I have homework. I don't plan on ever doing it.  Although I do need to keep my grades up so they don't kick me out. I pull out my back tossing in my math book, and anatomy packet. I'll just do the rest of it tonight. I shut my locker, and turn and almost face plant into Caleb.   "So... you're going to the party with Landon and John." He says, looking me in the eyes, meaning hes has to look down. Oh, dear lord. Of course they told him I said yes to them, those numb skulls.   "I just really don't want things to be weird between Casey and I." I sigh, turning to the right following the flow of students who are trying to leave the school. He follows behind me waiting until we're out of the crowd. I can tell he has something to say. "Caleb I'm sorry okay... I know that we used to have... something... but its been years.." I add once we are outside.   "I haven't forgotten any of it. I haven't forgotten you." He gets in front of me, stopping my path to the vehicle. " I haven't forgotten what we did that night before the party... where it would've gone if Casey hadn't came in." He steps so that he has to whisper the last sentence in my ear.   "I have." I whisper back. "I have to go."   "I'm not gonna give up quit so easily, I hope you know that." He follows me again. "Besides Casey told me she wants us together, and she also told me she told you that. So, what else aren't you telling me?"   "Nothing Caleb."  I sigh, spotting the SUV. He steps in front of me again, and I stop, looking up at him. I hate being short.    "Don't tell me you're here from Cody." he whispers, jokingly of course. It gives a laugh out of me still, and he smirks like he knows something.  "I love your laugh." He sighs, "Just know that if they start to bother you, just come and find me okay?" he says.   "What ever." I smile giving up. He grins, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "You know your car is over there. I point, towards the direction of his black ford f-150.   "Later." He smirks, and his arms drops of my shoulder, and he turns in the direction is his car. I shake my head watching after him. I can't help but smile. I have to give him credit for being persistent. At least he knows what he wants. Although if he knew the truth he wouldn't want to talk to me ever again. I hope into the car, and get bombarded with questions.   "Was that the younger brother?" Luke asks, but today he is up in the passenger seat.   "Yes. That was Caleb Riker." I reply.   "What were you two talking about?" He asks finally actually looking back at me. I hold his eyes, and tell him everything that we talked about. Him asking me to the party, me telling him no. Him talking about our past togehter, and all the works. "I see..." He turns forward again, and I'm slightly confused. Why is he being so weird? I don't even know how to explain they way he is acting. The rest of the ride home is quite, and once we're back at the facility, Luke tells me to remember to do my training. I nod, upset be how cold and distant he is. I go to my room changing right away, and I go to the training center. I go through the fake fight simulator a couple of times, and work on multiple things while there. I leave the simulator, and Crash is standing there watching.   I walk past him, unsure what he is doing and what he wants. He doesn't say anything, and neither do I. I go over to the bows and pick out one to practice aim with. I grab a couple arrows, and swing them both over my shoulder. Where do I want to go? I could climb up the posts set, and shoot from the beams up across the cieling. That seems to easy almost at the moment.   "How is the mission going?" Crash asks, behind me. I just shrug. I honestly don't know how it's going, and he techinically isn't supposed to ask. He can ask Luke, or Mr. Wahls since he is a manager he can know this information. But I'm not supposed to tell him. "You're driving Luke nuts you know. Being at a high school with boy your age. It has me a little interested too."   "You don't know what you're talking about." I scoff, just climbing up the post anyways. I want to keep as far away from him as I can at the moment, that way he can't read my facial expression.   "I'm serious." he replies, I glance in his direction, and he is leaning now against the rack of bows watching me intetnly. "But at this momment that's not important. There is actually something I need to talk to you about." I relax my arm, uncocking the arrow.  He needs to talk to me about something?   "Yes?" I ask. He clears his throat, looking at the ground a minute. "Are you being serious or trying to distract me from my training?" I sigh.   "I need you to agree to a leave." he says, and my mouth drops open. "Only a temporary one, of course. I've been given a mission, to hand out and none of my marks can handle it."   "That's the point though.. is for your marks to take it. Mr. Wahls gave it to you, for a reason." I say, drawing the bow again. I shot the first arrow and it strikes the dummy in the liver area.   "Yes... he gave it to me, but he also put this inside it." He hols up a yellow slip. Yellow slips, are leave papers. Leave papers are a form Marks have to fill out to agree to work with another Manager or to even switch managers. I signed one when Luke became my manager. I didn't have a choice on that though, I had to sign it. But now I happy I did of course.  "It's all filled out with your information, it just needs your signature. He wants me and you do it."   I climb down, and take the form from his hand. Looking closely. I hand it back after a minute, and I make my way down to Mr. Wahls' office. I knock and he tells me to enter.   "Ah, Blaire, I'e been wanting to talk to you." He says clicking on his computer mouse a couple more times, and then he leans back folding his hands together in his lap. "How is your mission? Got any information?"   "Ah.. not really. That's partly why I'm here. Why did you send me to watch him? He seems like a normal guy." I stay standing like I'm supposed to. He sits, up with a chuckle laugh, that tells me I'm wrong. He isn't a normal guy. "I'm I protecting him? Like government protection?" I sigh, sick of all his secrets and games. There isn't anything I can do about it though.   "What ever. I'll figure it out soon. I'm going to his house, to do some research." I inform him, happy I might know something he doesn't. His face tells me I'm correct. "It appears his younge siblings are throwing a party at the house he lives at on Friday. Mr. Smith is sending me in to find out information."   "I see, that's very smart of him." He says, trying to play it off. Now I just hope I didn't get Luke in trouble. "Was there anything else you needed?" He asks now, seeming distracted.   "Yes, actually Sir. The yellow slip you gave to Crash?" I question, and he sits up serious now.   "Oh yes! I did give him that yellow slip. Do you have signed and ready to turn in?" I shake my head.   "If you want me doing int why didn't you give it to Mr. Smith?" I ask, knowing I'm pushing buttons.   "Mr. Smith turned it down." He begins. "I originally did give it to him, so you would be the one taking it. He said that you needed to focus on the mission you have. I gave it to Crash, and the yellow slip, instead of forcing Luke to take it. The yellow slip is still of course only an option for you."   "Mr. Smith doesn't think I can handle both missions..?" I sigh almost leaning back against the wall. He must have very little faith in me. "I'll sign it. But only for this one mission."   "That is how I filled it out." He smiles. "Thank you Blaire, this mission is rather important." I nod, and say goodbye. Then I head out to find Crash. He isn't in the training center and he isn't in his room. I guess it is dinner time, I'm guessing I'll find him there. I enter the room, my eye searching for his huge figure throughout the room. I find Luke first, and he finds me as well. My face falls, and I can feel the anger showing. I don't understand how he doesn't trust me! He knows me, and he knows I'm good. I can do it! I'm going to do it. I look away, from his now confused face, and I continue searching for Crash.   "Lookin for me?" He asks, behind me.   "Yes, actually. Where is the leave form at?" I hold out my hand.   "Seriously? You're gonnna sign it?" His excitement seeps through a crack. I just nod to him, and he pulled out the the folded yellow slip handing it over. I sit the  table reading throuigh it making sure this isn't some trick, and it only says that I'lll be completely on mission with Crash. I nod, asking him for a pen now too. I'm going to prove to Luke that I can take on both. I need to do this. He needs to know I'm strong, and will fight. Crash hands over a pen, and stands next to me waiting patiently. I sign my name on the bottom right, below his signature. I let out a breath, I did it. No going back now. I hand over the paper and pen.  "You're doing the right thing you know." Crash whispers, as I stand. I just nod. "I'm going to give this to Mr. Wahls." Then with that he leaves the room.   I go through the line, and sit down next to Tessa and Luke, they're the only ones still in here from our little group.  Tessa looks up at me from her plate, and her expression is worried.  she gets up a minute later taking her tray. Leaving Luke and I.  He hasn't said anything. He hasn't even looked my way. He is mad. He saw what I did.   "Maybe if you trusted me I would trust me and skills, I wouldn't have to prove to you I can do this." I say not very hungry anymore. I get up as well taking my tray, I toss the food in the garbage and lay the tray on top like you're supposed to. I leave the cafeteria. I go to my room and start pacing thinking about my rash decision. Did I really think this through? I'm going to be alone with Crash again. I remember what happened during my last mission with him. We both almost died, because of him. He became intoxicated. End of story. I saved us both barely. Mr. Wahls was upset Crash risked the mission and both of our lives. So, he switched me to Luke. It's been two years since that happened. Crash has gotten smarter. He knows better. Besides what ever this mission is it's important he wont risk it.   I glance at the clock, wondering how I paced around my room for over an hour thinking about this. I sigh, grabbing my book bag. Might as well do my homework. I begin Math first, and I finish up the last four problems, and then I pull out the anatomy packet. I don't rush through it knowing it's not due, but I might as well get it done.   "You know you don't need to prove anything to me." Luke's voice behind me sends shivers up my spine. "I trust you with my life."  Luke's in my room. This doesn't happen often. I'm happy my room is clean!   "Why did you turn it down?" I don't turn to look at him, I keep my eyes down on the homework. I hope he isn't to mad at me. But yet, I'm mad at him. I hear him let out a long breath, and then I hear the creak of my bed. He sat down. I stay at my desk, and still don't look. I bite my lip, trying to stay focused.   "You're going to stay at a hotel. A group of men that are staying there at the moment are threats to some big government person." He begins.   "It's a protection mission." I scratch my eyebrow. Why does that matter?   "No. In fact you're assinating them." He says. My jaw drops. He turned that down? He knows that quick in and outs are my specialty. Now I stand up and face him. What was he thinking?! "Let me explain, please." He says, and I cross my arsm waiting. "Mr. Wahls was going to send You, me, and Crash. I told him that Crash going along was a bad idea. I told him I'd take it if Crash wasn't going along." He stops, looking away. "I was trying to keep you away from him. I know you don't like him.. or at least I thought you didn't."   " I don't like him." I sit next to him on the bed. "But I need these mission, Mr. Smith."   "Luke... I've told you this call me Luke when it's just you and I." He sighs.   "Sorry..." I say unsure what to say. "But It's true. You need to give me these. I'm here, and I'm good, use me." I say. "Don't take that the wrong way." I say realizing that sounds kind of weird. I glance up at him, and he is looking over at me. "You know I'm right though."   "Yeah," he leans forward hunching his shoulders. "You are right. I just don't want you to get overwelmed or over worked."  I laugh at his comment. Me get overworked? Haha! That would take a lot. "I'm serious Blaire. You're not indestructable. If you died.. I'd.. If I lost you..." He whispers so quietly I barely hear him. My heart rate speeds up, and I my cheeks heat up. What does he mean by that?!    "I'm not going anywhere." I say, and he looks up at me. Our eyes are locked, and I'm partly sure I'm drooling over the moment. His slips slowly part like he is going to say something but he doesn't. He changes his mind, and doesn't say anything. He blinks once, and his eyes flick down but come back up to my eyes. Instictively my body leans forward with out me noticing until I notice he is doing the same thing. OH MY GOD!   Then just like that it's over. He is up and off my bed in seconds flat. Apologizing and saying he will see me tomorrow. Then he is gone.  I'm left breathless in my room, completely confused and now exploding with embarrassment. What was I doing? What was I thinking!? I get up off my bed, and turn on my shower. Striping off my clothes I get in, and let the warm water cascade around my body.   We almost crossed a line. I almost did.   How can I ever face him again? Chapter 6 Blaire's POV   "Blaire we gotta go." I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I sit up reaching and gripping onto the wrist. "Hey jesus it's Crash!"   "I know." I grumble, which I did know. " I just don't want to get up."I sigh pulling my blanket away. "Give my two minutes." I push him out of my room. I rub my eyes, and then get ready. Running a brush through my hair, and brading it back, and then changing into black leather leggings, and the black pullover that goes with it. I open the door, and I follow Crash out. It's three in the morning right now so almost everyone is still sleeping. We get  to use the same SUV that takes me to school, and my heart rate speeds, at the thought of Luke being awak to say goodbye.   He isn't. Which I'm thankful for. What would I say? What ever happened yesterday was horrible and it can't and wont happen again. Crash opens the door for me, and I sigh looking around one more time for Luke.  Nope. I shake it off, and slide into the back seat. Crash gets in next, and then the vehicle is started and pulling away. Crash breifs me on the exact mission, and hands over photos of the 5 men that we will be.. taking care off. Once the car comes to a stop I realize we're not at a hotel but an airport. I love flying!   "Come on." Crash opens the door, and I follow behind him. The facility has it's own private airport. We can fly anywhere at any time. All of the pilots we have stay at the airport! So when needed you just go get one. Of course the plane we will be taking is already up and running ready for take off.  The two of us take our seats, and buckle up, and no time is wasted we're taking off! I stare at the window, loving the feeling and watching everything on the ground become smaller and smaller. "I never understood your fascination with flying." Crash sighs turning down the T.V show he is watching.   " I don't know either..." I sigh, laying my head against the window. "Are we jumping?" I ask, sitting up. That's something I'm not good at. In fact I can't do it. I have to be connected to another person. He gets up and goes over the isle towards the pilot. He comes back a minute later with a sour expression. "We are!?" I panic. I sit back, not wanting to be here anymore.   "Are you afraid of heights?" He asks.   "Not heights... just falling in general." I say. I turn and look at him, it's his fault too! "I have been since our last mission together."   "Oh." is all he says, and that's the end of the conversation. Normally I get tied to Luke, and I squeeze him so tightly, that I'm sure he looses circulation!  Now I'm going to be doing that to Crash. I don't know what sounds worse. After an hour the pilots voice rings back over the speakers telling to get ready. I take a deep breath following him to the back. We suit up, and the Light flashes green telling us to go. "Come here!" He yells over the noise, of the door opening. I don't argue. He pulls the velcro straps, and uses the metal hooks and connects us together.   " I have to face this way." I whisper turning and facing his chest. "It helps."  I wrap my arms around him, taking deep breaths. "Don't count! Just do it!" I yell. He wraps his left arm around my waist, and even though it's him it's comforting. Then We're falling. My gut drops, and my breathing increases. I don't scream at all, but I squeeze the life out of him. I feel the jolt of the parachute but I leave my eyes closed, and wait patiently to feel the ground on my feet. It's still pitch black out, and to early to see us at all. I feel the ground beneath my feet, and I calm down and let go of him. First he unclips the parachut, and then he starts unconnecting us. I step away, thanking him quietly. I take off the gear, putting in a pile with his. Then I follow insuit behind me towards the hotel.   "... so you ready? It's been a while me and you!" he says, as we prepare ourselves outside. I nod stretching my arms. The plan is for the men to hopefully be sleeping so we can go in and slit their throat and leave. Of course plans rarely go as they are supposed to, so we neeed to be ready for anything.   "You know if these guys are somewhat important wouldn't they have body guards?" I question, as we walk inside. The desk attendant asks us what we're doing and if we need a room. We inform her that we are just here to pick up some friends. "Crash... what if?!" I say again. He pauses glancing back at me a moment.   "You and I are here. We can handle it!"  he smirks. "Now, do you want to press the button?" he asks, gesturing to the up and and down elevator button. I sigh, stepping forward thumbing the up button. Once we're on the floor we need to be on, we split up both of us going to around so that way if anyone leaves the room they will run into one of us. We wait about ten minutes hoping they will just come out on there own. They don't. "Alright, I'll go first. Stay out here, and be ready." He comunicates through our walkee talkees. I nod, and he makes his move towards there room.I scouch in closer as well that way I can catch up if they take off in the oposite direction. It's quiet for a minute then there is a loud thud like someone being thrown into a wall. Then there is more comotion, a yell and the door flies off it's hingers over the edge and I take a deep breath.   Two older men both come out and take off in the other direction. I role my eyes but take off in a sprint after them. I jump onto the closest one, and pulling back on his neck he falls backwards and almost lands on me but I get out the way I pull  my knife that is tucked away in my boot and then I clamber up and slit his throat easy as that. I'm not happy about it though because he was struggling under me, and blood squirted. It's all over me now. Including my face. I can't stay and clean up though, I have another one to go after. I chase after him, but don't make it to the elevator in time. I set off the fire exit alarms when I bust through the stair case next to the elevator. I run up the stairs taking them three at a time. I check each floor making sure that he didn't trick me. He leads me all the way to the top where I get there the same time he does, and we see the helicopter at the same time. He runs at it really thinking he can beat me. I go to, sliding in front of him he trips right over me. He face plants, and blood imediately drips from his nose. I reach over grabing his ankle, and then using my other hand as well pull it out and twist it to the right. I hear the snap over his scream, I let go, looking into the helicopter. The pilot is staring wide eyes, and holding a camera.   I jump in but I don't get directly to the pilot he had buddies in with him! I connect my fist into one of there faces, and he falls back not expecting that much force. The other grabs my knee and pulls it up tripping for a moment, until I use it to my advantage. I send my leg up doing a weird one lef stand split, and I crack him in the face as well. The other guy I had punched is back up, but now aiming a gun at me. I laugh he must be dumb! Pulling out a gun in a helicopter is the dumbest thing! I duck and slide between his legs, and I take an oh shit moment seeing as I'm now in front of the pilot who stood up and must be recording all of this! I feel hands in my hiar pulling, and I it catches me by surprised and I let out a small yell. I kick my legs up and over and I land on the guys back. Taking my right elbow, I bash it into his neck and he falls letting go of my hair. I push my leg out from under him, and I fall out of the copter in a moment of confusion. I lay for a minute making sure my body isn't hurting anywhere. Just then the door pounds open, and Another guy comes running. Crash is behind him. I stand up, ready to stop him.   There is a gun fire, and I feel a slight pain in my shoulder. I duck out of the way pulling my arm into my body. I was shot!? The pilot! I turn wanting revenge, and I see the helicopter already taking off. I sprint towards the edge of the building ready to jump.   "Blaire stop!" Crash yells, I don't. I keep going.  Then I get yanked back, and lift off the ground. An arm holding me, and stopping me from going anywhere.   "Let me go! We didn't complete the mission!" I yell fighting against Crash, but his grip is iron. "Crash!" I yell, lashing out. What is he doing? They're to far away now, there is no way for us to reach them!   "You've been hurt, we need to get you back." He says, "Besides we did finish, that last guy wasn't mentioned in the file at all. We  got them all Blaire!" He says. I stop kicking a minute, and I glance at my shoulder.   "It just grazed me. I'll be okay, it's happened before." I say, it hurts like hell but this is the third time it's happened to me. I know how to not cry under painful and intense situations. "Put me down!" I say stirnly, and he does as told. He calls in saying we're ready, and that the clean up crew needs to get here fast. Now it's the fun part. The clean up crew will come in, and take care of bodies, and blood. Then a big lie will get told about what happened here, and no one will ever have known Crash and I were here. The video tapes will be taken and burned, for no evidence.   Crash and I get taken aside from everything and get checked out. They begin cleaning my shoulder up and covering my wound. Once they're done, we get taken away from the scene right away flying back to the facility. We get there, and we both get told to take it easy the rest of the day. I go back to my room, taking off my blood stained clothes, and throwing them into the bio-hazard laundry basket. I look at my reflection not happy that no one ever thought to wipe the blood off my face. I guess I'll do it myself. I actually just need to shower, but I was told not to today because of my shoulder. I look through my clothes changing into clean spandex and sports bra and adding new deoderant. I go to the bathroom, sighing at my blood tinted skin.   "Blaire?" I here Luke's voice yells but not a loud yellm into my room. I peek out from my bathroom, and his face is filled with panic, and we speeds over to where I am. He pulls me into him holding me tightly. "Oh god you're alright! Lauraine said you were hurt badly, god she is always exagerating!"  I don't say anything. I just stay still, not knowing really what to do. Yesterday we left things very awkwardly, now here he is hugging my while I'm in my underwhere. Although he has seen me in this before, in fact this is what Crash used to make me wear will I was training. It made my skin tougher, he tells me. He pulls me away holding me at arms length, checking me over again.   "I'm alright." I finally gain my voice, "Just a little scrape." I pull in my shoulder, and he noticing the patch that is covering my bullet wound.   "What happened?!" He demands, and step away and back in front of my mirror in the bathroom. "What happened Blaire?" he asks agains leaning in the door frame. I wet a wash cloth, and begin explaining what happened on the mission. "You were going to do what?!" He asks once I finish, saying Crash stopped me from jumping.   "The helicopter got away! What else was I supposed to do?" I finally finish cleaning my face.   "You were going to leap off a building and into a helicopter?" He shakes his head looking at me closely.   "Yeah... he had the recor- Oh my god! Luke! He recorded it! The pilot! He has me on tape! That's why I was going to go after him!" I push past him.  I rummage through ym drawers throwing on clothes. I need to tell Mr. Wahls at once!   "Calm down. Are you positive?" He grabs my shoulers. I do as he says thinking about it. Yes. I know for sure. I nod, and he tells me to put clothes on. I laugh slightly once he closes the door to my room for me to get dressed. We hurry through the halls together, to Mr. Wahls office. Luke doesn't knock, but apologizes as he opens the door. We're meet with Crash and Mr. Wahls.   "Thank you, Luke. I needed to speak with Blaire as well. You may be excused." Mr. Wahls says, and Luke looks from Crash to me, I just nod hoping he gets what I'm saying. Then he leaves, and I stand behind Crash's chair. "Now Crash.. you may continue.."   I stand silently, listening to what Crash is saying happened. It's all accurate. At least I'm guessing it is. I didn't see much of what happened with him, but when he starts talking about the roof everything he says is spot on. Accept he doesn't mention the camera. I know I have to do that. He finishes up with telling him that after he calmed me down, he called for clean up.   "It sounds like you two did a good job." He congradulates us.   "Thank you Sir." Crash replies, looking up at me.   "The Pilot had a camera." I speak, even though I'm not supposed to. "I tried to get it from him.. but I didn't. He might have images or a video or maybe even nothing. But he got away with the camera." I look down, bracing myself for the yelling to begin. When it doesn't come, I look up and see Mr. Wahls clickong around on his computer.   "This man?" He asks turning the screen towards Crash and I. I no, that is him. How does he have that photo? "It's alright... It's not the first time he has gotten away with this. I'm not to worried to be honest."  He sighs. "How is you shoulder? Did they say how long it will take to heal?"   "Two weeks roughly." I shrug.   "Good. You may go now, get some rest you have school tomorrow." He says.   "Thank you sir." I leave the room. Luke is waiting outside, and he grabs me by the wrist and pulls me throw the halls. We aren't going back towards my room though, I have no clue where he is bring me actually.  He makes a left turn and a four way intersection, and then opens the first door on the right. The light flicks on, and I look around. It's a tech lab. I haven't been in one of these in a long time! I tested out of all the tech classes, I already know enough to not need to take the courses. I'm very happy about that because I honestly don't like computers!   "So?" he asks pulling out two chairs, and he slides one to me. I take the chair, and look around thinking about what I should say exactly. Nothing new was discussed, and Mr. Wahls wasn't mad about the camera. What else is there for him to know?   "Umm... well he isn't worried about the camera." I say, and he nods. "He just said that we handled the mission perfectly, and that I need to be ready for school tomorrow then I was dismissed."   "Well, that's awesome!" He smiles, "I called the school to, and they said that you haven't been in any trouble yet. There happy to have a new student like you." He smirks, and I just role my eyes.   "I want out of there." I lean back in my chair. "It's a bunch of drama and I really didn't realize that schools were so clicky. I've read books and stuff but I never imagined that they were really that accurate! Although I have to admit there is these two boys and there group of friens who are pretty funny." I smile thinking about the library yesterday with Landon and John.   "Well, I am happy you're having a good time.."   "I wouldn't say a good time, but I am keeping myself entertained." I interupt.   "But.. remember n-"   "Yeah, I know Luke, no relationships, and no attachments. You have no need to worry, I don't want to be with there people longer then I have too." I lean forward, looking him in the eyes. "I promise."   ".... Okay." He lets out a breath leaning forward like I am. My elbows are resting my knees at the moment, but he just leans in closer. Not like kissing vicinty close like what happened before. Kissing vicinity. My eyes flash down to his lips, and my breath gets caught in my throat. "Just promise me one more thing, please. " He whispers. I nod, unable to speak. My mind is off in la la land thinking about kissing. "If you ever need out, or know you might have a problem let me know."  I nod, of course I would! Although it will be hard to do while I'm at school and he is here. "Which is why I was granted permission to give you this." He hands over cell phone. "It only has three number that it is able to call, Mr. Wahls, Miss Jennings, and me. Okay? So if you need anything use it."   I take the phone for him and stuff it into my pocket, I'm not to interested in it. I could careless honestly. I look back up, seeing Luke watching me closely, his eyes very concerning. Feeling nervous, and some what awkward I move away, standing and putting the chair back where he got it from. Finally able to speak I clear my throat.   "Well.. thank you." I say, "I'll be sure to get a hold of you." I turn towards the door. "If I need to that is!" I add, glancing back at him.  "I should be going now.... bye!" Then I leave him in the room. I can't be close to him like that. It just makes me feel terrible! Nothing even really happened, yet something had. For me at least. We almost kissed. That's a huge ass NO NO! It worries me too because he hasn't talked to me about it. Going to my room, I spend the rest of the night cleaning up the bathroom that's dirty from earlier today. My mind wanders towards topics it shouldn't. Mostly Luke. But the Riker family sneaks in as well, and I still can't tell what I think about them. Chapter 7 Blaire's POV   "You need to come over tonight!" Casey tugs on my arm, dragging my down the hall towards the gym. This day has been flying by! I'm tired as hell from everything that happened yesterday, and my shoulder feels as if it's going to fall off! Her tugging doesn't help at all either. "Please just text your brother... I'll text your brother even... and ask!"   I role my eyes at her side note about Luke, and I let out breath wondering if I should text him or not. I did just recieve the phone last night... I pull it out of my pocket once we're in the locker room. I stuff it into my gym locker, and change deciding to wait until after P.E to get ahold of Luke. I don't know if I will get ahold of him either, that doesn't sounds smart. Although going to there house without a bunch of other people there maybe will work to an advantage. It also might not be, since it would be just me, Casey might never let me leave her sight. I go to the gym and stretch out Casey next to me standing and jabbering away about something.   "Casey come here." Mr. Riker calls from the door, and Casey walks over towards her brother. I take the quiet moment to decide. I'll send Luke a text asking if it would be a smart idea. I'll bring up both the pro's and cons of me going and me not going. That sounds fair enough. Once every one is changed and Mr. Riker comes back with Casey class begins. Today we're peppering, and just messing around. Casey groups up with me, and also another one of her friends that I'm not a fan of. They talk and talk and talk. I don't listen o any of it, and I look around wishing I was in a different group. Honestly I'd much rather be paired with one of the boys, they seem to make this actually entertaining.   "Alright I suppose you can go change, but you've still got ten minute before you need to change." Mr. Riker sighs loosing interest in walking around and watching us. Casey drops the ball right away and leads all of the girl accept me out of the gym. I sigh picking up the ball.   "Hey Kennedy wanna play? We need another member." A guy who's name I don't recall yells, and I run joining in. These guy are actually playing with the net! We mess around more then anything, but it's still productive. I have a blast and I wish that  Casey more like these guys. Caleb is out here, he is on the other team but still here. Watching him closely while neither of his other siblings are watching, I realize he isn't like Casey at all. He seems to be more laid back and calm. I jump up, blocking a hit coming from Caleb. The ball ricochets off my hands, and back to the floor. My time scored. The gym erupts into whoops and cheers ohhh's ahhh's. I smile at Caleb who is shaking his head at me in disbelief.   "Damn girl you play right?" The same guy who asked me to play drapes an arm around my shoulder.   "No." I sigh, "I'd rather do this kind of thing, messing around I mean." I inform him.   "Well, I have dibs for you always being on my team!" He says.   "Alright... I believe it's my serve." I smile taking the ball that Caleb is holding. "Thank you." I smirk at him, and he roles his eyes with a smile. We go back to the game and continue to play until Mr. Riker comes out telling us we should probably go change. I go into the locker room, and Casey hand over my phone as I walk oast her towards my locker. "What were you doing?!" I ask taking it from her. Oh god what did she do? What is all on this thing? This can not be good!   "I sent Luke a text.. I told him it was me don't worry. He said that you can come over. You're welcome."  I just nod not replying with anything. I read through there messages, and let out a breath of relief seeing that Luke was telling the truth. There is only three numbers no photos and no other information. There was nothing for her to find on here. "Who is Mr. Wahls?" she asks, as I begin changing.   "Luke's boss at his work." I reply it's not a lie.   "And Miss Jennings?"  she looks down at her nails and then back up at me.   "Are therapist actually.. from the accident." That isn't a lie techinically either. She is a therapist. A horrible one, but she does do that at the facility.   "Why do you only have those three numbers? That's kind of weird." She asks stopping me from walking out of the locker room.   "Because Luke is that strict when it comes to phones..." I make up easily. I've been trained to think fast, I'm getting better and better the longer I'm here.   "Ha, well I'm supposed to take you to my house, and then bring you to the Pizza place a couple miles away from our house. Luke's gonna meet us there. I didn't know you couldn't drive."   "I can, but we don't have two cars. Luke needs the car more then I do." I say acting a little peeved about her remark. "But okay sounds awesome! Now I gonna head to class." I add just as the bell rings. I head to math, and wait for Mr. Riker to come back to his room. As the time gets closer for the bell to ring again I realize I'm to only student in his room. Once he comes in he shrugs his shoulders not knowing where every one else it either."I acutally kinda need help on this one any ways.." I sigh pointing at the last problem in the book he assigned us. He comes over and helps me, with it and then we chat about random things, he talks about the party he knows his siblings are throwing and if I'm going or not.   After a while of talking about how I like school he asks if I like anyone, hinting at his brother and I just shrug. No, I don't like Caleb, but what ever. It's not worth trying to convince him. No one else has beleived me other then Landon and John. I end up telling Riker that I'm going to the party with Landon and John even thogh Caleb asked me, and he looks at me like I'm crazy. Maybe now he will believe me.   He drops conversation about boys, and brings up a new subject. Volleyball. I sit back in my seat not liking anything I'm hearing. Apparently he told the coach here about my skills for it, and now the coahc is interested in me. I tell him that I'm not going to play no matter what the coach says to me and he asks why. I down at my math work that's complete, and just decide to ignore him. Beisdes a minute later the phone in his room goes off and it's like a twenty minute phone call. Once he hangs up he moves forward as if he is going to say something to me, but then bell interupts him. I get up and scurry to my last class, and I slip into the desk in the back of the room like usual, and follow along as Mrs. Kay reads out of the english book.   Once the day is over Casey finds me, and drags me to her car once I'm done at my locker, she leads me to her  brand new blue convertable volgswagon beetles, and role the top down dropping her school things into the back seat. I do the same thing, and get into the passenger seat. She speeds off, and I notice the two vehicles that fallow behind us. Cody's truck, and a orange mustang that is also a brand new car. Now I know what to expect from there house. We pull up, and I still can't believe me eyes. This house is gorgeous, and I  can't help but hold my jaw up to keep my mouth closed. I have seen plenty of house while being with the agency but none like this. Also whenever I see them the aren't this fancy, and it's really dark. I go in take care of the mission and leave.   "Wow... so you're not just rich... your like millionaires.." I sigh, getting out of the car. She doesn't say anything back, she just smiles and waits for me to follow her. I follow her throught the house, and I shake my head hating the accessive deocrations and over the top bragging of there money. I don't like there house. Accept the pool! I do like that. "We can swim right?" I ask, as we enter her room. It's last place she has to show me. I'm not even surprised when I see her room is big enough to have four more bedrooms. She has a four poster king bed with pink drapes, and a grand piano, that I'm sure she can't play, then there is also the full living room with three different game systems resting on the marble coffee table under it. Three are three diffferent doors, and she points telling me that the two by the tv are closet space. Including she has a dresser and an armoire in her room. Then the other is the bathroom. She tosses a swim suit at me and tells me to go change in there.   Following her instructions I enter the bathroom, and I almost laugh seeing what it looks like. she has a claw footed tub that's big enough to fit three people, along with a huge walk in shower that has a glass door, making it not very private if someone else was in here with her. White tile floor, and pink and white striped tiled walls. I shake away me tiny but of jealousy, and slide out of my clothes. I slide the bottom on and they fit a nicely. I'm assuming that they are supposed to show a little bit of my but, and then I slip the top on and I sigh seeing my chest is a bit bigger then hers. It still fits, and I'm happy she gave me a top that has straps. I look at my reflection, my little four pack or abs. and my couple scars. I look at my shoulder, peeling away the wrap. It's all closed up now, so I'll just leave the wrap off. I leave getting a towel tossed into my face, and follow her out to the pool. I don't actually swim to start I just stick my feet in enjoying the nice calmness. Later I have to do some digging and get some information.   After about thirty minutes of us talking about school, I excuse myself to the bathroom. I run back up to her room grabbing my phone, and I walk around trying to figure out what happened to Caleb and Cody. I pass by a room that door is slightly ajar, and I hear the two of them in there playin games. I skulk up stairs slipping into Cody's room and I begin my search imediately. I open his computer first, and begin crashing it and loading it all into a flash drive, as that's doing that I dg through drawers and find nothing but clothes I open the closet and find more clothes and a filing cabinet. I break into using a metal hanger, and the first draw just has school files, along with the second and third. I get to the fourth one on the bottom, and I push it closed right away after I realize what in it.  I pull it back open not completely sure what I think I saw is actually what I saw. Sure enough it was, I cover my mouth with my hand disgusted. It's a bunch of naked porn images. Mostly crying naked girls, and a couple of them are like fake settings of a school girl and a teach.   I take my phone and take photo of and lock it back up, then I grab the flash drive that has been ready for a while now. I leave his room hoping I got everything I'd need for now. I can't get caught in here either. I toss my things  accpet my phone back into my bag and and run back down to meet Casey. She isn't alone though, Caleb and Mark are out here now.   "Where have you been?" she asks.   "I got lost actually... then I wanted to grab my phone." I hold up my cell, and she nods.   "Holy shit girl you have more abs then Caleb!" She replies, and all three of them whip the head in my direction.   "No way. I've got six." Caleb gets out standing next to me. He wasn't lying he does have a full six pack. Luke's is better. I tell myself walking away from him. "you aren't even wet!" Caleb sighs catching up behind me. then my feet are off the ground, and I'm falling. I scream, until the water hits me. Then I realize what happened. It's just Caleb... jumping into the pool carrying me. "Did I scare you?!" he laughs, as we both come up. I splash water at him playfully, and he chuckles. He little laugh makes me laugh as well, I have to admit it was cute.   We all hang out, chatting and Casey and Caleb begin sharing old memories involving me that I still don't remember. Listening to everything that we had apparently done together actually upsets me. It's like we spent all of our time together, how could I not remember them? I remember my parents. I remember that night at the party, and I remember them being there but I don't ever remember being this close to either of them. Did something happen that made me forget? I suppose I'll ask Luke.   I'm surprised about how after about an hour of being in the water Caleb and Casey get tired of swimming. I on the other hand could still be out here for another five hours. Although it's not surpirsing. The only time I get to swim is when a mission calls for it and for training.  I can hold my breath for up to five minutes sometimes a little longer. But we are advised not to. I stay in the pool floating on my back, while Caleb dangles his feet in the pool chatting, and Casey lounges on a chair catching sun rays.  Caleb drill me with questions about after I  'moved' away, and I try to stay as close to what I was told to stay as possible. It's odd lying this much, to people who I'm supposed to be friends with. Although I'm not really supposed to be there friend, not relationships or attachments.   "Hey... ah Blaire your phone is ringing... it must be on silent or something.. I'll get it." Caleb says after there is an actual minute of silence.  It takes me  a minute  before I realize he is going to answer the phone when it's either Luke or some one else he shouldn't talk too!   "I'll get it!" I swim towards where I  put my phone. I'm to late. He answers the phone. I hurry grabbing the towel Casey gave me wrapping myself up. I stand up close to him trying to hear who is speaking on the other line.   "She is right here actually.. sorry she was swimming."  He smiles down at me handing ver the phone.   "It's Blaire." I speak not sure who it is.   "We coming to get you now. I'm sending you out."  Mr. Wahls says not seeming to care that it wasn't me who answered the phone. "In fact we're about two minutes away from the Riker's house."   "Yes, Sir." I say and then he hangs up.I grab my towel, apologizing then run into the house grabbing my things. Casey is following behind me asking me why I'm in such a rush. "I'm have to go with Luke to a business thing out of town. Like a small little vacation." I lie through my teeth. She takes it though, and follows me back through her house. She opens the front door for me in fact  just as the black SUV with tinted windows pulls up.   "How many cool cars do you guys have?" She asks, her jaw dropping.   "They come with the job." I shrug, and Luke opens the back door. I walk down the side walk towards him, Casey doesn't follow now but she leaves the door open, she is watching us. "Here." I hand over my book bag. Turning to look at her I wave bye and then she  closes the door.   "Get anything?" He ask holding out my mission clothes. Leather leggings, leather boots, and my leather stretchy jakcet. I nod gesturing to my back pack. "Okay you can change in the back." He says and I take my clothing hopping into the back. I change, and slip through the blinds sitting next to Luke and buckling my seat belt. "What's with these photos?" he asks, disgust obvious on his face.   "I found a locked cabinet drawer filled with them. I thought that would be something we might want to know.... All I was able to get was that picture on my phone and a flash drive that took all the files from his computer. " I lean back roling my shoulders. That swimming really loosened up my body. I feel nice and relaxed.   "You got his whole computer?" He looks at me amazed.   "Of course... it was just a standard apple lap top... easy." I shrug. I glance at the drivers, and back at Luke. It's just us two on a mission! "How long is this going to take?" I question.   "Three days at the least." He replies, quickly. As if that's the only thing on his mind. Well it is for sure the only thing on mine! Three days! Just Luke and I? I look away not wanting him to notice my excitement and slight blush appearing on my cheeks.   "So, I'm going to miss a lot of school?" I ask after I calm down. Still looking out the window even though I can't see anything. The Windows are always covered so the Mark's hav a hard time finding places. Also so that we don't know the exact location of the facility. But a world map is drilled into our brains during you first week here, it comes in handy during missions. "That's good if I am I don't really like it, I'm happy I didn't have to go through all of that." I glance over at him.   "High school is the time of your life, Blaire. Trust me you'll regret it." He says quietly. I glance at him trying to figure out what exactly he means. I've already figured out that he was in high school before he was brought here, but he has never openly told me that he misses it or that he regrets not finishing it.   "I don't know..." I begin, " So far it seems to be just a bunch of girls and boys with the heads up their asses so far they can't even see how ridiculous it all is."    "You know I was one of those kids." He turns now looking in my direction. I raise an eyebrow at him wondering what extent he means. "I was... popular I guess... Football was huge at my school, I was quarter back. Dated the head cheerleader, rich parents who never really paid attention to me.... the works." He looks away now embarassed.   "You dated a cheerleader!?" I gasp horrified."My respect for you has gone down a couple knotches!"   "We didn't  even like each other... we did it because it was expected of us. She actually had a thing with my 'best friend' behind my back she of course told me about it but he never did." His eyes glaze over in ruminition.   "Sounds like you had it all.... how'd you get here?" I ask, even though I'm not supposed to. In fact we aren't suppoed to talk about our pasts at all, I can't even talk about mine unless a higher up asks, higher up's  being Mr. Wahls, Ms. Jennings and and Managers.  I keep my eyes on him, watching his reaction will he be mad that I asked, well he repremand me for doing something wrong?   "I got in a lot of trouble... with the law... drugs and drinking but my parents were always able to get me ou of it. Being a police detective and a lawyer.... but I just burried myself to deep one time.." He says in a rush looking at me. I keep a blank face and leave my judgements to myself. In fact I'm not really judging him at all, with his parents careers I'm sure he had one hell of a home life. Drugs and alcohol were probably his way to get away. I smile at him after a minute. Life is hard there are hardships but you can't let them slow you down.    Look at where we are now! We're secret opperatives working for the government. We were once screw ups but now we're a secret weapon.   "Hey... well now your here, and if you werent here you never would've had the honors of knowing moi!" I smile, and my hand reaches out to touch him. I pull back, telling myself I shouldn't go that far. He does chucke about my remark, and the rest of the ride is silent but we both are comfortable. Chapter 8 Blaire's POV   "Are you really going to make me go back there?" I sigh sliding into the back seat of the SUV. "There is nothing on this guy... other then him having a weird pedophile thing with porn." I add once Luke is in the car next to me. We got back from our mission late last night.. Sunday night. Now It's Monday morning, and he is dragging me to school.   "Just give it another week or two okay. Mr. Wahl's has sent you here for a reason." He whispers, keeping his eyes up ahead on the driver.  He looks down at me with a glint in his eye. "Besides... I get the feeling we're gonna get a lot busier in the next couple of days."    I want to ask why. I want to ask what he means. I don't. I get the feeling I should know what he means, but I don't....   We pull up the the school, and I go in taking my slip for missing three days of school. Then I walk around getting my late homework. I stop in Mrs. Lebough's room last. I go in asking for all the work I missed.   "Vous avez manqué un test ma chére." She smirks, exactly the way a teacher shouldn't. Does she think I'm gonna fail her class because I missed three days? This woman is nuts! I missed a test...  I don't think she realizes I speak French... along with 9 other languages fluently.   "Je peux le faire dés maintenant. Je parle couramment le françias so vous aviez pas remarqué." I tort back not in the mood for any of her attitude. She is the one person in the dumb hell hole of a school I wish I could hit. She flexes her jaw letting out a breath of anger. She looks through the stacks of papers, and hands a packet to me with a smirk. I sit down zooming through the test faster then I even thought I would. I hand it back to her with a fake dimple, and she thanks me while roling her eyes. I leave her room, just as the bell rings still, and I hurry through the halls that are crowded with other students. I close the door behind me when I enter Mr. Witeman's room just as the bell rings. He looks over at me with a happy smile. He is by far my favorite teacher. I take my seat and he hands my the new packet they started working on last week on friday. Poor Landon and John actually had to do some work on Friday, I'm pretty proud at how much they achieved with my being absent. I sit down, and work through the acket with them and  I realize this is all for review. There must be a test coming up. At least I know I will ace the tests in most of my classes!   Trying to not laugh at Landon in John the last couple minute in class I relax loving this break. I have to admit this isn't my favorites mission... actually it is probably my least favorite... but with these two idiots it's not that hard to call this a vacation! Right now we're playing hang man, and they keep coming up with nicknames for different teachers. Mr. Witeman doesn't seem to care either, he seems to be distracted and part of me wonders what about. It's none of my business. I shouldn't care. No attachments and no relatinships. From now on this is just a vacation until the mission becomes an actual mission. Speaking of this being a mission. I need to work on it. The longer I'm here the more suceptable I'll be to forming relationships. I clear my throat, looking at the clock. I need to get out of here. Standing up I ask to go see Mr. Riker. Walking to his classroom, I peak in. No class. No sign of Cody. I open the door slipping inside. His laptop is sitting turned on and files open. He is here. Where? I check around the room, gong towards the closet. I peak back towards the door, and behind me there is a thud sound, and I hear a guy.. but not him.. swear. Who is in the closet? Making my way closer I listen in. There isn't anyone speaking anymore. Pants are being zipped, and then there is a slight shuffle. Who ever it is is coming out! I make a run for it and shove myself behind his desk praying it's not him.   I hope it wasn't him. I heard that zipper. I know what was going on in that room. When the door opens, I hear more then just one persons footsteps. They don't say anything, but stop at the other door. I move back so they can't see me, but first I look to see who it is.   Oh! Well, I guess that my first impression on her wasn't right. That isn't even Mark, who is supposedly her boyfriend. I don't know him... but he is familiar. He was one of Mark and Caleb's friends.   "I'll gt a hold of you later." He says before he opens the door.   "Fine... but not right after school I'll be with Mark." She says, he nods. I shake my head they must have some kind of understanding about their relationship, and her and Marks. I bite my tungue holding in my anger with her. I want to jump out and slap some common sense into her. Why be in a relatiosnhip and cheat? If you don't like the relationship anymore break it off, don't cheat and lie about it. Once the door closes I get up wiping of my pants, I look around trying to see if there is anything semi helping in this room. Probably not though. If he has some terrible secret a  school is probably the last place it would be. To many kids and other people around.   "Whatcha doing back there?" Cody walks in holding a cup of coffee to his lips, and a handful of papers in the other.  He doesn't ask in an angry way, and he doesn't have any angry features. I move out from behind his desk, thinking fast.   "I was looking for that worksheet you gave me yesterday... I lost mine and I didn't want you to know.." It comes out easily and he takes it with out hesitation.  He sets down his coffee and paper work, and opens the top left draweron his desk, pulling out the worksheet. He hands it over, and I thank him acting embarassed. "I know students aren't supposed to go through teacher things... I'm sor-"   "It's alright, I'm not to worried about it." He chuckles sitting down and then takes a sip of his coffee. "What class do you have?" he asks and he begins sorting through the ffreshly printed paper. I lean against the front of his desk, crossing my arms, getting comfortable. Showing I'm alright, and I feel comfortable around him.   "Anatomy... Mr. Witeman likes me .." I inform him, and he chuckles again.   "Most of your teachers like you." he looks down at his computer typing quickly. Most? My eye narrow and my eyebrows do the weird thing they usually do when I want to know something.  "You still do that. I remember I would always tease you about it." He points out and my expresions changes to real embarassment and surprise. "And your French teacher is... very lets say fond of you." He smirks.   "Oh my god that women!" I  throw my hand up in the air. Lebough. Of course she doesn't like me. "Let me tell you about her!" I lean against his desk again, place my hands flat the desk, leaning over closer to him. My hair falls over my shoulders forming a curtain like wall around my face. "She is just jealous that I can speak french better the her! That she actually has one student who knows what's going on! Now she has to teach the class correctly and right. No lying or making things up." It felt nice getting that out. I stand up straight, taking in a nice deep postive deep breath.   "You speak french?" he question.   "Yeah... It's something my family thought I should learn.. so I did." I shrug looking away, now the way his eyes are watching me is making uncomfortable. The way he is studying me, intensely and intrugued as if I'm a science experiment. It reminds me to much of pity. I'm not a fan. "It's not big deal... I don't see why it matters. I better get going." I say shaking everything off. This encounter with hi now has me even more troubled then before. What am I doing here?  I leave his room without waiting for a reply. Heading back towards Mr. Witeman's room, my mind roles over everything that occured in that class room. Casey cheating, and that heated/not heated conversation with Cody.  What is going on here, that the government is getting involved?   Luke wont answer that question. I'll have to ask a higher up. Once I get back later today I'm seeing Mr. Wahls.   The rest of the day goes by so fat it couldn't have really happened. I fly through French and Math and Cody doesn't mention anything about what happened earlier. in class which I'm thankful for. He gave everyone another work day so he could explain another topic to me.   Now making my way to my locker to get my things and meet Luke out in the vehicle, I take a couple deep breaths. Luke knows me. He'll be able to tell something is wrong. I need to calm down and clear my emotions.   "So wanna do something tonight?" Caleb leans against the locker to my left. I close mine give him a quick look and walk away. "That wasn't a no." He follows walking closely, kids litterally part the hall for the two of us. Gawkig at house being together again. I role my eyes at the excitement about nothing. High school really sucks if this is what interests kids.   "No. I have other things to do." I say simply to him, his cockinesss doesn't fade this time, he knew I would turn him down. He just wanted the satisfaction of walking through the hall whispering. He also knew people would take notice to it. I turn away, heading out the doors.   "Blaire, hey I have something for you." I hear Cody, I stop turning to see. What could he have for me? I spot the SUV, wondering if Luke noticed me and is watching.  "First you forgot this in my room. He hands over my notebook that  use to waster time in French. I doodle in it. Oh god! "I didn't look! Whatchas got hiding in there?" he asks as I take it from him. I shove it into my back pack without really looking at what I'm doing.  "Also you asked for extra practice problems." He now hands over a worksheet.   "Oh! Good this is great thank you!"  I say looking down at the math problems.   "I saw you and my brother..." He finally says what he really wanted to to say. "You were pretty close.. and whispering."   "What exactly are you asking me?" I narrow my eye brows at him, and he scratches the back of his neck. "Nothing. He asked me o-"   "Blaire... we have to get going." I hear Luke, I turn seeing him standing to feet behind me. I nod.   "M- Luke this is Mr. Riker, my math teacher." I introduce them, needing to do something to fix the situation. Luke overheard the comments about Caleb.   "Nice to meet you.... I'm the older brother." Luke offers his hand, and Cody takes it.   "Like wise." Cody replies, and looks Luke over "Well.. like I was saying before, just come to my room tomorrow morning and I can go over those with you."   "Alright." I wave as he walks away. I don't even look at Luke, I just make my to the Suv slide into my seat and buckle my belt. He gets in next to me.   "You're smart." is the first thing said. I look at him totally confused. I'm smart? Is that like him making fun of me? "Getting close to him... Attracting him." He says that last two words with a shaky breath.   "I'm not doing anything. I don't know what to do." I say looking away laying my head against the black window. "I don't know what you're talking about."   "Sure." he sighs, "We've gotta talk later." Then the rest of the ride is quiet. Arriving back at the facility, for some odd reason makes me feel sad. Vacation over for the day I supose. Now it's time to get down to business. To Mr. Wahls. I walk away from Luke and our awkward silence, without saying anything to him. I barge into Mr. Wahls' office and he looks up from his computer screen. He doesn't say anything but he doesn't smile either. I take a sit making myself comfortable. Once I feel confident  enough I look up at him clearing my throat.   "Why, Blaire... what a surprise." He leans back folding his hands together and laying them in his lap. "Well.. now that you're comfortable what can I do for you?"   "I need more information. Something to help me with this case." I begin, "You've sent me on a goose chase, and I have no idea why."  He scoffs, a wicked smile spreading into his expression. He sits up and clicks on his computer mouse, and then the printer behind him starts up and begins printing. After that he carries on small talk waiting for all of the papers. Once it finishes he is left with a stack of papers so thick a stapler wont work, and he uses a huge clip thing to hold it all together. He sets it on the edge of the desk for me, and I reach up looking down and the first page. It's full of words... like a book page. I look up at him still not understanding.     "Read through that please.. and then come and talk to me. Take you time and really pay attention to what you are reading." He says and waves me away. That's my que to leave. Getting up without a word I leave heading straight for my room. I toss the paper onto my bed and change into different clothes in a frusterated manner. I go to the training area and take an aptitude test to see what category I need to work on. It is a simulation that test all of your fighting abilities, your endurance, and stamina along with mental health.   After I finish working in and out of the aptitude simulator, I go back to my room showering and throwing on the only pair of sweat pants I have and one of my three night shirts. I plop onto my bed smacking my head against the packet of paper. I pull the clip off flipping through the first couple pages, noticing the numbers. The first five pages are numbered one through five and then it starts back at one. There like stories... chapters. I pull the first five pages away from the others that I clip back together and lay on my dresser. Taking the other five pages, Ihead down to the kitchen for super. going through the line I get a yogurt cup and a baked potato with sourcream and cheese. Sitting down at an empty table I stir my yogurt and begin reading the first page. While reading through the first paragraph that is describing what a bathroom at some huge concert looks like, I get a weird feeling about what I'm reading. It's almost terribly written, and I begin to wonder if it's a book even.   "Whatcha got there?" Tessa slips into the chair across from me with her super tray. I shrug taking a bite of my yogurt and setting it down. "Where'd you get it from?"   "Mr. Wahls.. he gave me like a stack of five hundred papers to read..." I sigh, looking away from the reading and at my potato. It looks delightful! Cutting into it, and making small talk with Tessa for little while I look around for Luke. I haven't seen him sense after we arrived back here hours ago. I shake my head, knowing I shouldn't care where he is.   "Oh... god he is coming this way!" Tessa's cheeks turn as bright as a red rose, and she ducks her head loking down at her tray. She begins playing with her salad and covers her face with hr other open hand. Who's coming? I turn around, and Crash is five feet away looking at me. I look back at Tessa totally not cool with how she feels about Crash. I'm not jealous I'm mad and disapointed! Tessa, a beautiful pure breed Italian who is model material and 19 is crushing on Crash?   I feel his hand on my back, and then his breath on my ear and back of my neck. I'm taking a bite from my yogurt when he whispers a little note to me. Then he walks away as if he said nothing and didn't even stop and talk. I shake my head at his unneeded comment. About Luke not being here along with Morgan and Natalie. I glance at Tessa who is watching him walk away, and I kick her under the table. She grunts turning and looking at me.  Then she cover her face with her hands letting out a sigh.   "It's bad I know!" She says, I don't reply. She is right. "But he isn't my manager so I mean.."   "No." I say, "Don't even go there... he isn't a person you want to mess around with. In any way." I inform her and she sighs again, looking down at her food. She wants to say something... but isn't. "What?" I say setting down the first page to the reading. I still haven't gotten through it with all the distractions.   "Well.. just never mind." She takes a bite, and I set down my spoon taking in a deep breath. I hate it when people are like this. They obviously show in their body language and facial expression that they have an opinion and have something to say but then they just said it's nothing. I do it all the damn time too. I hate it when  I do it!I grab the paper again not wanting to deal with what ever her problem is rigth now. I begin reading again. "Okay fine!" she says, and I move the paper so I can see her over the top of it.   "Well I mean... it seems like you're jealous." She begins and I drop my arms and they thud against the table and my jaw is flexing ready to inform her on how wrong she is. "He is in to you, and you don't like me having a crush on him! It's the same damn thing with Luke! You two are totally into each other, and .. and- "   "You've got a lot of things mixed up here." I say, whispering. I don't want others hearing this conversation.  "I don't like Crash at all! You can have him if you really want him, I think he is a dumbass." I begin, grabing my fork and taking a bite from my potato. "And... Mr. Smith, and I aren't like that either. It's against the rules first-"   "If it wasn't though you'd be together!" She expresses, throwing her arms up in the air.   "No! That's not where I was going let me finish!" I hush her and she roles her eyes. "Okay... you got me I do like him... Mr. Smith... but he in no way feels the same about me. So that is where you're wrong." She eyes me with a crooked smile. Then she just laughs, and gets up with her tray leaving me alone again. What.. just happened? I shake my head and focus again on my reading. I get to the second page after a minute, and I become more and more confused. As I finally start seeing a character and story forming. A love story maybe?   The narrorator is a boy. He saw a girl at this concert. He starts walking toward her. He grabs her, and then leads her into a bathroom. He shoves her against the wall, and pulls down her pants that are apparently leggings.... WAIT! This is not a love story. He unzips his pants and penetrates her.   My bite of yogurt is everywhere infront of me, and I'm coughing re-reading the paragraph making sure I read it correctly. I'm being staired at now, as I clean up my mess and leave the room in rush. Sitting on my bed I scan through the whole story, and the last four pages of the story are about fucking rape! I look the the first page to the next story, flipping to the second and then the third and there is a rape in that one as well.  Mr. Wahls told me to read all of these! He wanted me to pay very close attention to all of it. Why? I didn't get any anser from him like I planned. Just more damn confussion. Of course. Chapter 9 Blaire's POV   I don't know how more I can take.  I've read through the first five stories, and each one has grossed me out more then the one before it. Tossing the pages back onto my dresser I finally get up. I have to get ready for school.  It's only Tuesday... I hav three more days for this week! It's been only one week, including I missed a couple of days.. and I have nothing. Shoving on a pair of jeans and grabbing the  purple and gray plaid shirt of the rack of clothes Ms. Jennings brought me to wear for school, I run out of my room through the halls to the garage. I get there just as Luke opens the door to get himself in.   "I was wondering where you were." He says, waving for me to go in first. "Ladies first.." He smiles, and I role my eyes, he knows I hate that because ladies... girls now a days are just as capable of waiting for a guy. I get in any ways not wanting to cause any delays. I'm going in and speaking to cody first thing in the mornig, and I'm going to test him somemore and figure out what is going on. All Mr. Wahls can give me is freaky pedophile stories. How those are supposed to help me I do not know.    "Do you have anything to eat?" I ask after we're about ten minutes away from the facility. I didn't have time for breakfast. My morning was hectic. I woke up and went the training center around 3 this morning, and stayed there until five. I came back to my room then and showered shoving back on some comfy clothes on purpose because I planned on having extra time left over to read a couple more stories. No matter how stupid I think they are, Mr. Wahls gave them to me for a reason. And he directions were specific. I'm looking for something, and apparently once I read it I'll know it because he didn't tell me what I was looking for.  I glance over at Luke, as he digs in his pocket. What in the hell kind of food can you keep in your pocket? He pullls out gum, and I take it at least it's something.   "Why so worked up this morning?" He asks a slight chuckle playing in his voice. I let out a breath informing him about Mr. Wahls' five thousand page book filled with rape stories. He has no idea what I'm talking about or where they came from. I sigh rubbing my eyes, what is Mr. Wahls wanting me to see? "Where is the stack at now?" He asks, pulling out his phone doing something on it.   "It should be sitting on my dresser..." I lay back closing my eyes. I'm tired. Once school is over though I wont have to train. I can just go right to my room and do some more reading. Hence why I did all this dumb shit this moring. Today at school is going to suck. "Don't do anything with it. I plan on reading the rest today once I get back from school." I tell him. I was going to actually bring it with me to school, but then I thought more clearly about it while I was in the shower. A bunch of papers that have horrible stories is probably not a good thing to bring to school.   "Well, if I get time I'm going to look through it... help if I can." He says, completely ignoring me. "But Morgan and Natalie are gonna require most of my attention the next couple of days." I bite my bottom lip wanting to know why. Jealous that they are stealing him away from me. But he wasn't mine to begin with. I scratch my eye brow wishing he wouldn't have said anything about them. It is going to bother me all day! He knows that I'm not supposed to ask about it too, that makes it twice as unfair!   "You don't have to ride with me... if you are so busy why waste your time doing this?" I sigh trying to keep my jealousy and anger in check. For me having a good life, I sure have a lot of anger issues. They aren't bad by any means... or maybe they are.. I don't really know for sure. Ms. Jennings hasn't ever talked to me about my anger though so I am guessing I am okay.   "I do this because I like spending the time with you. Besides I can talk to you.. actually talk to you. Unlike the other girls." He whispers, and my little spell of anger disintegrates. My cheeks get a small pink blush on them, and I almost turn my head and look at him. "It is nice.. this little privacy we get..."   "Yeah.." I sigh, and then the vehicle stops. I sit up unbuckling my belt, and grabing my back pack thats sitting by my feet on the floor of the car. "Well.. maybe see you later." I salute to him with a smirk, he hates when I do it! He sighs witha  big grin and waves. I head towards the school glancing behind me as I watch the black truck drive away. My heart skips beats longing for Luke to just hold me in his arms for just a minute! I shake the thoughts away, it's time for school. I take a deep breath, and  march my way towards Cody's room. Pulling out the extra math problem he gave me to do. I actually did do them and I'm curious to see how I did. I wave to Landon and John who both look high as the sun haning out by Landon's locker. I see that guy Casey was with in the closet the other day, and he is digging through his locker, none of his friends around. Other wise I don't see anyone else I know.   I knock on his door, and go inside the room. His computer is on his desk again, but he isn't there .. again. The door opens behind me actually surprising me, and I jump turing around getting into a fighting stance out of habit.   He chuckles holding a mug of coffee.   "Scare ya did I?" He smirks walkin over to his desk, setting his cup down. I shake it off feeling awake now. I grab a chair from the closest desk and pull it up to his desk. Getting comfortable while he looks over the worksheet. "It actually looks pretty good. The only thing I see wrong is that you didn't write your name on it." he jokes, handing it back over. "Do you have any questions?"   "Actually yeah...this one number six." I point turning the paper towards him so he can see it. "So you would take the log of 5.21 divided by lof of 77,423? I wasn't sure."  He hops into a short explaination about how I worked it out correctly and why it worked out the way it did. While he explains the problem I take the time to really look at him. He doesn't look like a guy who should be addicted to porn. Honestly... with his looks he could have a girl home with him every night if he wanted to. It is not like he needs the stuff... when he could (in my opinion) just ask a girl and she would do it. In fact though all three of Riker kids are exceptionally good looking.   "Did that help at all or did it all just go over your head?" He smiles eagerly at me.   "It helped actually." I lie. I didn't  really listen I was off in though. "Hey you know a little while before you came back into you room yesterday.." I say stuffing the paper back into my bag and standing. "When I first came in... I mean, there were people in your closet..." I look over at him and look away. By the look on his face he knows what I'm talking about.   "Casey..." He sighs, rubbing his chin. I just nod. "It wasn't Mark either was it?" He leans back stretching out her arms.  I just nod again, unsure what to say. I wasn't even going to bring it up, but I'm curious about his relationship with his younger siblings. I'm curious actually about he whole family...I mean A slutty daughter, a 20 sum year old son addicted to porn, what's Caleb's sexual problem?   "I haven't asked her.. I didn't plan on asking her... But I was curious I'll admit." I pushing the chair back to its desk.   "She has... addictions..." he sighs, and I can feel my face doing it's normal thing. Eyebrows and all. "When she was younger I guess it was probably a couple weeks before you left actually... she walked into our parents bed room, and saw our  mother having an affair. With two different guys.. at the same time. She saw things, that she could never unsee I guess. It sent her down a troubling path and she still hasn't came off of it yet."   "Wow.. I had no idea... are you parents still together?" I ask, intrigued.   "Yeah.. they went to counciling Casey did too... Everything is fixed now... well almost everything." He shrugs his shoulders.  "You can't tell her I told you!" he says sitting up and fixing his tie.   "I wont say a word ever again.. my lips are sealed." I say. Wow, it always seems that the seemingly perfect and well mannered rich families hide the biggest and deepest secrets. I can't believe there mother would cheat on there father. The last time I had seen either of them they looked happy and in love. There mother was a stay at home mom, and there dad had some big government job. I don't know what either of them does now. "Well thanks again for the math help!" I smile heading towards the door. I didn't get anything really on him. Just more about his siblings. And a little onhis parents.   "Any time!" he waves and I leave heading to my locker. Taking all of my books out and organizing my locker, I try and remember what Mr. Riker... their dad did. He had a government job. An important one. It's been five years or so, so I am wondering if he was promoted or moved to a different section of the government. I know that he didn't have anything to do with the president. Or any people in office, but it was something that got him recognized. I can't believe I don't remember.   Once first period begins, I try to not watch Landon and John, I was right earlier when I saw them in the hall. They are completely buzzed on something. They get away with it too, and that just blows my mind. I know everyone even Mr. Witeman knows they are high, but no one is doing anything about it! I was under the impression that coming to school completely doped is very illegal. I guess I have some things mixed up.   I'm actually happy once class is over, I can get away from those two idiots and refocus on my classes. In fact the day zooms by while I work through all of my classes and thoughts. Once lunch comes along I find Casey and Caleb asking if I caould come over for super. Casey jumps with excitement, and Caleb doesn't show any expression. I shoot Luke a text telling him that I have more digging at their house to do. He replies right away tellling I'll be getting picked up around eight. I want to meet their parents again. I want to look through Cody's room again. I want to get more information.   "Will your parents be home?" I ask, casually taking a sip from my milk.   "Actually yeah.. they're back from vacation and Daddy doesn't go back to work until Thursday!" Casey beams, Her dad doesn't go back to work until Thursday. It's Tuesday today. He has had almost two weeks off of work. For working for the goverment that seems like a lot. I wonder what exactly his job is.  Maybe while I am there I can do some digging on that as well. If he is something very secret and important he wont be able to talk about it with me, so I'll just dig. I figure it out.   "Sounds good." I smile at the two of them. I'm going to get to the bottom of this by the end of the week. I'm making that my personal mission.   After lunch things pass quickly. The next thing I know I'm back at the Riker house, and Casey and I are laying around on her bed. I'm listening to her talk abou Mark, and I have to hold back my resentment towards her because of her affair. Unsure how to really talk with her about guys, I just listen keeping a neutral face. Her parents will be home in a half an hour and then another hour or so after that we'll all eat some big meal. Since they haven't seen their parents in  awhile it's supposed to be a nice family dinner. That I'm going to be crashing, Casey said her parents already new so I'm not to worried. Besides they probably remember me, unlike me who doesn't really remember any of this. I'm still puzzled on their father career, I've been trying to remember, but everything just comes up blank. None of it makes munch sense.   Their mother from what I've gather is a stay at home mother, who is more of just a trophy wife. Plays the piano has a pretty face, easy to converse with. But Casey has told me about how much they do apparently love each other. Love. Relationships. I'm not stupid I know there are differences.  But once you have been in a relationship for certain time yu eventually start to love each other right? Like Casey and Mark... Casey is still with him and doesn't want him to know about her flings, she doesn't want to hurt him. Then there are relationships like me and Luke's. We have had a nice non romantic relationship, we are still very close.. or at least we were lately I'm unsure... but I know my feelings for him are more then just friends. I think I do love him. That's bad. Dangerous, and unpredictable. I could put people in danger and cause trouble with these kind of feelings and thoughts.   Can these kind of feeling go away? Will they just fade over time..?   "Blaire?! Have you listened to a word I have said?"  Casey knudges me, and I shake away all of my thoughts on Luke and relationships. "No, you haven't you have been of in La La Land!" she sighs getting up from her bed, mumbling something I don't catch. I don't really care either.   "I'm sorry.. but just sitting here doing nothing is boring..." I admit, and she turns looking at me. "I'm not much of a gossiper.." I add, and she lets out a breath. Just then a knock on the door, makes her jump and she runs over opening the door. I can't see who it is. I assume it was Cody or Caleb. When she squeels, and a bunc f quiet muffled noises are heard I sit up, it must be her parents. I don't say anything or try and peak over at them, I'll give them their privacy. I notice while sitting and waiting my heart is beating quickly. I'm nervous? Excited? I can't tell.  The feeling intrigues me because I do not get it often, other then on missions. I guess I am on a mission right now. It's definitely a lower calibor assignment, but still Mr. Wahl's expects me to take it seriously.   "Hey! Blaire come on! Meet my parents, and come here." Casey comes over to me. "We are going to go downstairs and meet the two of them in the study."   "For what?" I ask, standing up and following her out of her room. We meet up with Caleb who takes the other open spot next to me, walking close and every once in a while our arms would brush against each other.  I ignore him focusing on my back story to tell them. I try and remember everything I told Casey and Caleb to be sure I don't mess up the story.  My heart rate is higher. I am truly nervous. Why? It is not like I am meeting the president. Hell, I have done that already too, and it is not to special.   "We are going to play cards! We used to play cards all of the time before remember?" Casey asks, overly excited. I look straight ahead trying to remember cards. Nope. Nothing comes to mind.   "No." I say flatly, and then clear my throught taht came out rude. "I mean.. no I do not remember.. What kind of cards exactly?" I say and we finally get to the stairs go to the maiin level. I follow slightly behind Casey now unsure where I am going, and Caleb stay back a little still next to me. He has not said anything, and it is honestly starting to bother me. I have no idea what he is planning, or what he is doing, and it's worrying me. Not to mention I am uncomfortable with his way of trying to get me to fall for him again. Was I really in love with him though? I feel like I would have some memories of him if I was. I mean  I have small idea's, but not much more. Like my dream I had the other week. I have that.   "We played Garbage a lot when we were younger, but as we got older we started playing Rummy and Texas Hold'em." She looks back at me, and I notice her eyes flick over at Caleb. She looks forward again and turns to the left at the the huge wooden door of the to right of the kitchen. We enter into a room with book shelves everywhere, it looks like a library. Then on the other side of the room there is a giant desk that is just a deocation it doesn't look like anyones actual desk. Then there is a table in the exact middle, where her parents are already sitting. My eyes go directly to here dad. My stomach drops, at his face and my heart rate is the highest it has ever been in a while.   Shit. Chapter 10   Blaire's POV   "Mr. and Mrs. Riker!" I greet hoping he doesn't recognize me. Turns out that there farther is part of the military branch that the division I am in works with! I've meet with Mr. Riker on mutliple ocassions. Not just him and I, but with Luke, him and me. We work on larger scale missions with them. Like Terrorist attacks.   "Ahh Blaire... it's so nice to see you again!" their mom stands up. She has wavy brown hair with caramel highlights a framed cut around the face bring out her big emerald eyes. Pretty trophy wife, just not blonde. "Come here I want a hug!" I slwoly make my way to her, some what unsure how to approach her. "It is so sad what happened to you, we actually ran into your parents on our way back to the house this afternoon!"   "Oh...ahhh...."  my mind is jumbled. My parents? Does she know what I told Casey and Caleb? Does she think I still live with my parents?   "Mom... I told you sh-" Casey begins obvioulsy pissed off at her mothers comments.   "Oh yes!" Her mother hold out at arms length looking me in the eyes. "I'm sorry!  I didn't mean anything... I forgot."   "It is okay Mrs. Riker." I say say smiling briefly.  She nods, letting go of me now. "Mr. Riker." I change subject looking over at him. Honestly it is a little funny this situation. I'm technically above him in the ranks. I am his supreme. He follows my rules. His face tells me that he recognizes me. It catches my mind on  how he didn't even recognize me before. If I was his childrens friend, and then dissapeared and cmae up later in the secret militry / government facility. I'm surprised he never said anything.   "Ms. Kennedy." He stands politely, following his rules. "So nice to se you again." He offers his hand. I shake his hand with a nod, and smile. I don't think we have any problems. "Cards?" he offers picking up the deck that is n th table to his right.  We all agree taking our seats. I get stuck between Mr. Riker and Caleb. Casey is directly across from me and Mrs. riker is next to her.   "Is Cody coming?" their mother asks after a while, and I sit up listening in. I haven't really been paying attention to conversation. I am focusing more on the game. Which I  have won twice in a row now. We're playing Rummy and going up to 1,000 points... I guess I haven't really won, but I'm ahead of everyone point wise. Cody is here... somewhere. He still has his room here for when ever he wants to stay, but he also has an apparentment apparently closer to the school. But since his paretns came back today he came home for dinner.   "I will go ask if he is coming ever.." Caleb sighs standing up and stretching out his arms.  "Blaire will you come with me?"  He asks. I snap my eyes towards him and he has a nice little innocent smile on. I can tell he is smirking behind it. He knows I wont say no in front of his parents.   "Yeah, lets go." I get up pushing in my chair. I follow him out of the room, and I can feel the other three sets of eyes following us.  Once the door closes behind us I take the lead knowing where to go for Cody's room. "Why did I have to come with exactly?" I ask once he catches up.   "Because I wanted to spend some time with you alone. Playing cards wth the parents isn't exactly what I want to be doing while you're here." He wiggles his eyebrow, and I scoff adding an eye role for effect.  "You don't hate me do you?" He asks quietly. " I understand that things aren't the way the used to be between us... but you act as if you hate me." he expresses his thoughts, and it slows me down. He really wants to know. I glance over at him again, looks wise he isn't bad. He is attractive.. he is not Luke at all... but still an eye turner. I just don't know him. His personality or his hobbies.  Not anymore. I don't remember anything personal about him really.   "No.. I don't hate you." I say, and it seems as if the windows in the hall way open, letting out the tension. "I just don't really know you anymore..." I add.   "Have I changed that much?" he grabs my hand stopping me. He wants me to look at him. Look at him the way I used to.    "Kinda... and I've changed... matured... things are different now Caleb. More then you will ever understand."  I try to some what let him down easily. He doesn't let go of my hand, he just studies me trying to figure me out. We should be back by now. We should've talked to Cody already.  "We better go check on Mr. Riker..." I add.   "Cody.. you always used to call him Cody." He finally lets go of my hand and now he walks off. I can tell what I said upset him, but I think I said it nicely.  I follow behind him now not wanting to upset him more. He stops knocking on the bedroom door, taking a quick back glance at me. Cody yells from the ther side telling who ever it is to come in. Caleb opens the door, and he pulls me into the room as well.   Cody Riker's bedroom is oddly plain. Probably because he isn't here often.  Remembering the last time I was in here I get a shiver glancing at the closet. I look around again, and my eyes landon on a new object in the room.  A picture from on his night stand. It is a picture of him, with Casey, Caleb, and me. I take a couple steps towards it. Studying it, I have no memory of that day. I pick it upand look at myself. My red cury hair blowing in the wind, Caleb right nex to me, he is in fact looking at me in the picture. The Cody is giving Casey a piggy-back ride. I keep looking over myself, and how much I have grown. It's been a while. I notice something else about the photo, Caleb and I are holding hands. I barely notive it because you can barely see it. The way we're standing hides it. But I can see it. I set the photo down backing away.  I look at Cody wondering why he pulled that out now. He smiles at me, and I can't figure out what it means.   A new photo... that has me in it? Is he trying to tell me something? Or is he just messig with me? I can't shake this off. This is something I need to know.  Now the three of us leave his room, Cody decided to join us. Onve we make it back to the stair case I think of my phone.   "Hey I'm gonna grab my phone.. I'll be right back down!" I say to them, and turn around heading for Casey's room. Once I know they can't see me I run, grab my phone and jet down to Cody's room. I take a clear picture of the photo in the frame. Then run back down to the study. I fix my hair and clothes so it doesn't look like I ran. I go inside and join the family in cards again, keeping my phone in my lap waiting for Luke to respond to the picture. I sent it to him..and I am unsure why... but I asked him iwhy I don't remember anything. Maybe I will get some answers.   "So... Blaire... are you staying here long? Or is your brothers work going to cause you to move again." Mr. Riker (their dad) asks me. I look at him, I knew he would start asking questions... but I didn't know he would do it in front of everyone.   "Umm... I don't know that's something I am never told." I reply, glancing down at my phone. I'm still waiting on Luke and I don't want to seem pushy  but I want to know.   "You might move? You just moved here!" Casey says sitting up sternly and eying me.  I sit back clicking on my phone, and taking a picture of their father quickly without anyone noticing and then I type a quick message saying that he is Caleb and Caseys dad. I set my phone down in my lap.   "Who's turn is it?" I ask, looking at my cards. Things were awkward there for a minute. My phone vibrates in my lap after a minute not even, and it's Luke.. obviously. It reads: I'M ON MY WAY.   All capitalized and bolded. Oh great! I sit up looking around the room. He replied to that message but not my other message? Meaning he saw the other one and my question he just didn't reply. We play a couple more rounds in cards, and then the doorbell is heard. It took Luke  nine minutes and forty-two seconds to get here from the facility. Why is it so close? Or maybe he was just close. Close enough to be able to use technology to listen in on conversations. That little sneak!   "I'll get it." Caleb gets up.   "I'll go with!" I stand up rushing out of the room.  Caleb and I are quiet and it is a little awkward.   " I saw you looking at the photo." He says.   "Yeah... we're holding hands." I reply. "So.... I mean we were secret? You're parents didn't know." I ask.   "Not really they had hints but never asked about it. Casey and Cody knew and other people at school."  He asks, "Why..."   " Caleb I don't remember any of it." I sigh, rubbig my forehead. "I have no memory of you or Casey. That's what is different."  He stops grabbing my hand again.   "I know Blaire." He says softly looking down at me. "That's why I haven't tried anything or really said anything. I don't want to scare you away." He scratches the back of his neck. "But I mean... yeah I still like you a lot..." He looks away. So do I. My cheeks are turning pink. I have never had any one say that to me. And for some reason Caleb sayig it to me makes it sound better since we apparently were together in the past.   "Well... that's very nice of you.. most guys would-"   "I don't want to be most guys Blaire. I want to be the guy. Your guy." He interupts. I feel my face drain of any color.     "Oh, hey ... Luke." Caleb looks back at me. I shake away the conversation that Caleb and I just had, looking up at Luke.  "Whatcha doing?" Caleb asks him, confused on why he is here.  Luke looks at Caleb, figuring him out and trying to study him. He looks at me and shakes his head. He is mad? At me?!   "I'm picking up my sister." the way he says sister sends shivers down my spine and brings a pink color to my cheeks. It implied more. It was like he was marking his territory. My heart starts to melt.   "Hey It's Blaire's brother Luke!" I hear casey behind me and all the melting stops. I step over closer to Luke, as everyone starts pilling into the room to see who was at the door. Luke moves closer to me as well not knowing exactly what to say no that everyone is out here.  "What are you doing here, Mr. Smith?" Casey says his name with an edgy sexy voice.    "I actually need Blaire. We have to get going." He takes a breath and speaks normally. I watch his eyes move over to their father.    "Let me walk you guys out." He offers, leading the way. Once the door is closed behind us, he asked wright away what's going on.   "Mission, that doesn't involve your division. For now I'll leave you out of the books, but if I have to I'll report this alright?" Luke say, giving him a look. He nods without a flinch he understands.    "Good luck I hope it goes well than." He opens the car door for us. "If I can ever be of any service." Than we all say our goodbyes and the car drives off.  Luke and I are quiet the whole entire ride home, what on earth is there to talk about. He is mad at me for some reason and it's pissing me off.  I look over at him wishing he would just talk to me, what is happening this stupid ass high school mission is ruining everything!    I get shaken awake by Luke, but he doesn't say anything he just gets out of the car and walks inside the building. For one thing, this facility is really closer to their house and my old school. But there are different locations. Every once in a while he well stay at a different building like if we're on a mission.    I get out  slinking my way to my room. I fall onto my bed so mad at myself. What if I loose Luke? Is it worth continuing this mission? Grabbing the packet of papers Mr. Wahls gave me I start reading another story I've got nothing else to.   A party with college students, highs school students, and middle school students. That should be interesting. Plenty of young boys and girls around to drugged and taken advantage of. I already know my plans for the night. I've been waiting for this one a long time,  I had to wait for the right time... now is better than never.  My sisters friend who is here with my brother. I'm gonna get her first. I know they haven't done anything yet.  She walks past me in fact without noticing it's me.   Her red curly hair  and long legs always so perfect and tempting. I follow her and peak into where she went. It's a bunch of middle schoolers, playing a game. How cute. I watch noticing her getting chosen to into a closet with a boy who isn't my brother. He is in there as well. He doesn't look happy. She comes out all smiley and giggly    After a while I see her again. She is heading outside. Now is my chance. I can't believe this is happening. God I've been waiting. I'm jittery and excited. She is my favorite.   Favorite?  Party... with middle schoolers and older kids? Seven minutes in heaven.    "Oh my god!" I push away the stack of papers. My chest hurting and heaving. I can't breath. My face is soaked in tears and sweat already. I can't breath. My throat is getting to tight. I need to calm down. MY heart is going to break through my ribs andpop out of my chest. Why is this happening? Mr. Wahls he knew. He didn't tell me... I I've been around him and and    "Blaire!? What's the matter?"  I hear Mrs. Jennings voice but I don't see her. I can't get my eyes to focus, I can't get anything to focus. My heart or breathing.  "Why are you screaming?" I'm screamming? I didn't even know. "I need you to talk to me."   "I... I...." I shake my head and I put my hands over my ears. I feel like the world is crumbling and cracking all over me.  "Him.... He...."   "What?" I still can't see her. I think maybe now my eyes are closed though.    "What he did to me." I whisper and I just feel everything in me shut down. My tears stop and my arms drop.   "Blaire?" She asks but I barely hear her. "I need a nurse in here!"   My body goes cold.  Chapter 11 Luke's POV   "Once she is back up send her in. Now that she knows we can get this mission done and over with."  Mr. Wahls speaks as if she healing from a gun shot wound. In fact, I'm tempted reach over and beat the shit out of him for putting her through this. He knew all along about her rapist and who did it. Why didn't he tell her? Or me? They told her there wasn't any DNA in the rape kit but there was. He has been planning this since she came here, to send her out after him, but the fact that he did it and didn't tell her or me what exactly was going on.   "And if it takes a while?" I ask looking down at her. Her skin is white as a ghost and the steady beeping of the machine is telling me she is still okay. Mrs. Jennings said she went into a type of shock that caused her to go into a shock induced coma. It apparently isn't supposed to last long. It's been two days.    "If it reaches a month we'll have to move her to a hospital, and just keep waiting." is all he replies, and with that he leaves. I sit down in the chair at the other end of her room and rub my eyes. I've been spending as much time here with her as I can, but I have other marks to keep track of as well.    Marks. The word makes me feel uncomfortable. The word makes these girls sound like they are disposable, they aren't. They are people. Younger than me yes, but still people. I have four altogether including Blaire.    Blaire, was my first mark. It was just the two of us for almost an entire year. For some reason, I had it in my head that being a manager would be a hard job, but it's actually quite easy. It was easy with Blaire. Although I didn't train Blaire right away, she was easy to work with. She listened, and at first was quiet. She never complained and she worked as hard as she could. Eventually she started to open up to me though. First it was just about Crash and how things were different with me. She liked the change though. Piece by piece though we both just grew on each other I guess is a way to explain it.    She grew on me a little to much. She is gorgeous and smart. Strong. It is amazing how strong she is, she hasn't let anything from her past slow her down or get the best of her. At least until now. I'm not completely surprised that this happened though. She just found out she's been seeing her rapist everyday and not even knowing it.   I need to get going. It's time for training with Tessa and the other girls. I say goodbye and head out, I can't show to much favoritism. Walking through the halls, I nod and wave as I walk past people. Everyone has heard about Blaire now, and I've been getting sympathy looks for it. The last girl we had go into a coma still hasn't woke up. She was moved to a hospital almost a year ago actually. I find my group and we begin training like usual with a couple laps and stretches. We are quiet. No one knows what to say, with what happened.    ****   I dump my super tray, and head out to the hospital wing to check and see how Blaire is doing. Once I first get there It take a minute for me to get all signed in. A group just came in from a mission, and there all pretty burned up. Burns are the worst wounds to get because they take the longest to heal. Once I finally am signed into the guest sheet, I head down the hall towards her room. I go to open the door, but it's locked.    "Blaire?" I knock on the door,  I don't here anything "Hello?" I ask. Why is the door locked? Who is in there? I should go ask the nurse at the desk. Than the door opens.  "Oh, Mrs. Jennings. how is she?" I ask, I keep my voice calm but my heart is beating way to fast.   "See for yourself." She moves out of the door way. I give her a nod and go inside the room. I don't think I've ever felt this relieved before!   "Thank god!" I rush over wrapping her short and small frame in my arms. "How do you feel? Is anything hurt?"    "I'm ... okay.." She whispers, laying her head against my chest. We stay in each others arms after a while she pulls away and looks up at me her face is serious. Something isn't okay. She steps away and clears her throat. "Did you know?"   "No!" I gasp. " I had no idea! I got into it with Mr. Wahls yesterday  about everything. What he put you through is right Blaire. I wish I could've done something or I -"   "It's fine!" She grabs my elbows. "Just stop babbling." She actually laughs. "So can I get out of here yet? I'm starving!"   "Yeah, sure. I'll go get a nurse." I say leaving the room. The next hour is spent getting her a check up and making sure she really is okay, and than the paper work. Once everything is finished I go with her to the cafeteria and we talk while she eats. We've both agreed that she wont go back to school tomorrow and instead will spend the day doing some training just to kindof give her body a stretch since it has been two days.   "So what exactly is going to happen when I go back?" She asks. "I can't just randomly arrest him at school... or at his house... Or is my part done?"    "Honestly I don't know. That's something you're going to have to ask Mr. Wahls." I shrug leaning back in my seat. She nods and continues eating. "I really am happy you are okay, Blaire."   "You know.. I was really upset and shocked... but now I guess it makes sense why I was sent there. I just don't know exactly what I am supposed to do now you know?"    "Mhhhmmm. I don't know." I reply.    "Oh well.. lets stop talking about this.. ...how have you been?" She asks. We trail off talking until she is finished eating and than we head separate way for bed. Chapter 12 Blaire's POV   The ground is cold in the morning. Even a little wet with dew still resting on the grass. I tripped over that damn root again, and I'm trying to catch my breath. I had my dream like I always do. It was different this time. Now the perp had a face. His face. Cody Riker's face. I'm going back to school today, I'm going to see him. Mr. Wahls wants to meet with me before I go of course, I'm assuming so he can talk to me about what exactly is going to happen next. I told Luke I wanted him in the room while we talked just in case I couldn't stay calm with Mr. Wahls. I still can't believe that this whole time he knew and never said anything to me.    I get up off the ground and wipe off my legs and arms, I better get inside. I need to shower anyways. I feel gross, I sweat really bad last night... that nightmare. Once I'm to my room I get into the shower washing up everywhere and soaking my hair in shampoo. Ever since the hospital my hair has felt really greasy even though I washed twice yesterday... that probably didn't really help though. I skip the conitioner, and finish rinsing off. I shove on my outfit Mrs. Jennings had picked out for me for the day, and head out. I  stop outside of his office and wait for him to let me in.    "Ready?" Luke appears next to me, in khaki pants and white button up shirt with a black tie.    "What are you ready for?" I ask, looking him up and down. He looks good. Damn, does he look good.    "After this Tessa and I have to hit the road. Mission over in Florida."  I nod looking away not feeling to happy about him going on a mission. I never usually hear about his other missions, I don't like hearing about them.    "Oh... how long?" I ask curiousity getting the best of me. I keep my eyes foreward though, not wanting to seem absolutely jealous.    "Only supposed to be over night, I should be back tomorrow." He replies as if it's not a big deal for him to be leaving me. I mean for him to be leaving at all. A second later Mr. Wahls opens the door inviting us inside.  We both take out seats getting comfortable while Mr. Wahls sorts through some paper work.    "Here is the plan." He clears his throat. "Since today is Friday, we are not going to do anything today. So, today just go back to school and play it as if nothing is wrong. Can you do that?" He looks up at me, and he really doesn't know if I'm capable of doing nothing. I don't either. I sit for second thinking about it.    "Yes. I can do that." I finally answer him. I can do it. I shouldn't need to worry about doing anything to rash. I can just skip gym and math anyways. Play sick or ask for passes to other classes for help even though I don't really need it.    "Alright. Than on Monday we can try and lure him out, or make some kind of move than okay? I'm sorry but with Mr. Smith here being gone and all I think we should just wait."    "Of course sir." I nod, I agree. I don't want to do this without Luke. "Thank you for meeting with me." I get up as does Luke. With that we are released and we both make our way to the garage but get into separate vehicles. I watch out the window of the SUV I am in as he and Tessa get into the Impala. I lay my head back once their car is pulled out and gone. I have a small conversation with the driver joking around about his job and how he actually doesn't mind it.   "See you after school than." I wave getting out, I stay in the street a couple seconds looking at the school building. I breath in and head inside ready to get the day started.    I go straight to my locker taking care of all my books and grabbing my Anatomy things. I just know realized I missed three days of school. I've probably got a lot of make up work. But if I really think about it, I probably don't have much longer here anyways. I take a seat in  the classroom and bail out before the teacher realizes I  was in there. He must have been back in one of his closets.  Walking through, the now seemily busy hall, I avoid making eye contact with people. I don't want to draw any attention to myself.  I make it to the library where I pull out a book and take a seat actually taking the time to read it.    "What are you doing in here?" I recognize Caleb's voice right away now. "Reading?  I didn't know you liked books."    "There are a lot of things about me you don't know." I say with a smile behind the book. It's rather funny to me how true that is.   "I've been noticing."  He sits next to me. "What happened the other night at the house... With your brother." I actually forget about that. I set down my book, glancing over at him. He is typing on his phone.    "Nothing. He just came to pick me up." I shrug.    "No. I mean what happened between you two?" He looks at my as he stuff his phone back into his pocket. I don't understand what he is asking. "Come on Blaire. You two definately don't act like just a brother and sister." HE leans in closer. "Is there something going on there on the side?"    "I can not believe you just said that!" I get up from the chair and grab the book that fell from my lap. "How dare you say that to me! He is my foster brother!" and with that I storm out of the room. Mostly because I'm embarrassed he actually noticed that. My cheeks are a little pink now even. I get to a bathroom and rub cold water against my cheeks shaking off the conversation. I need to just avoid him. All three of the Riker's actually. I sneak out avoide Casey in the hall and slip back into the Anatomy room. I catch up on all the late work in the class and sit and look out the window.    ****   Time for P.E. We're apparently going outside as well. And Cody Riker is out sick today. I change witht he girls actually feeling good with him being out today.    "Whoa what is that?" Casey walks over to me and grabs my arm. I look at what she is looking at. It's the scar from where that bullet grazed me. I pull my arm away from her. "Hello?"    "Luke and I went on a hike... things went bad.. it's from a long time ago." I say and leave the locker room. I head outside where the substitute teacher said she would be waiting for us, and I lay in the grass waiting for class to actually start. Once everyone is outside we get split up into teams and we begin our game of kickball. Caleb and I are on the same team, but it looks like he got the hint to leave me alone because he hasn't tried to talk to me at all since this morning.     I come up to kick again already into the fourth inning and half way throuogh the class, and get a double right off the bat. The next two kickers after me get out and than it's Caleb's turn.    "Come on Caleb don't leave me hanging!" I yell over to him and he salutes me with a smile. I notice the short stop walk over to me. "Yes?" I ask.   "You to together again?" She asks, trying to seem like she isn't jealous but it's way to obvious on her face that she is. I chuckle a little and she looks back at the out field.   "Holy man!" She whispers and I glance at her. Her jaw is almost touching the ground. "Casey!" She get here attention at third base, and points out towards the entrance to the school.    "Dibs!" Casey squeels, and now everyone is turning and looking at who ever. I'm intrigued. I glance back like everyone else falling for the bait.    Oh great.   The sub blows the whistle telling everyone to pay attention to the game. But even she is staring at him. I scratch the back of my neck hoping he didn't see it was me. Obviously he knows I'm out here though, since he is making his way down here.    "He looks like he could be in the NFL!" Casey sighs as if she is falling in love at first sight. I role my eyes, only if she really knew him.    "Excuse me." He smiles waving at the substitute stopping next to me. I keep my eyes away, I'm not going to acknowledge him.    "Do you need something?" the teacher asks.    "Actually. Someone!" I can just envision the smile on his face right now. He lays his hand on my head, and I push it off. "I need Ms. Kennedy." Everyone is looking at me now. I really dispies him.    "Of course." The sub sighs, and I look up at him.    "Lets go little bunny." He smiles down at me.  After where a couple yards away. I notice the dress back he is carrying behind his back.    "What is going on Crash?" I ask.  He whips out a yellow slip fully signed by even Luke. I'm actually hurt by this. I stuff it in my pocket not very happy with Luke not telling me anything about this this morning. He wraps an arm around my shoulders. "What is is this time?" I ask pushing his arm off.    "You need to change. We've got a galla to go to!" He smiles handing over the dress. "Protection detail." he shrugs.    "And one of your girls couldn't handle this because?" I growl taking the bag from him.   "Believe it or not I've got two girls out with broken arms, and the other two went with Mr. Smith." He sighs, and I get that he isn't happy about that.    "What is Mr. Wahls doing?" I ask. Why is he mixing up our teams like this. It's like he is purposely trying to cause drama within the agency.    "Good question. But you need to go get changed little bunny." He roles his shoulders. I head back into the school and do as I am told slipping into the sleek tight fitting gown. I don't know how exactly I'm going to be able to fight in this, but I'm not going to argue. Once I'm all dressed and I have my hair up in an elegant bun I head out in bare feet because I don't think tennis shoes go with this look. Of course just as I am going out the gym class is going back in. I get whistled at and stared at. My eyes pass over both Caleb and Casey, and I look away right away. Now isn't the time. Crash hands me a pair of heels, and I noticed he changed as well now in a tux. Once I have my shoes on he passes my a a clutch and a small pistol to keep in it.    "Lets go." I gesture to the car, and he opens the door for me sliding inside. "How long well this take?" I ask.    "We should be back early early in the morning." He closes the car door, and we're off.   The car rides takes hours, and onces we get their I'm half asleep and half to retouch my make-up that I did in the car to begin with. Once we get out there is a huge entrance and people walking in and paparazi even. Crash and I get out and get a couple of flashes from camera's but then we make our way inside without any trouble. I hate this types of missions. We walk around unable to drink anything, and unable to leave the area where our protectee is in. In which tonight we're protecting some senator from ... Florida.... where Luke is.    "Dance with me?" Crash asks. Eyeing the target and his wife who are on the dance floor. I role my eyes, and go with it. I can't exactly cause any scenes here by not listening to him. For the next couple of hours he is my manager. While we dance staying close to the Senator Crash tells me cheesy jokes that I can't help but smile at.  "Okay okay... how about Scooby Doo?"  He asks me if I know what he is talking about.   "Is that the show with people who solve those dumb mysteries?" I ask, as he dips me after a twirl.   "Sure is. I grew up watching that... before I got here." He slipped up, talking about his past. That's the one thing we never talked about. For the time I was with him that was a huge off limits conversation. I don't push it any farther either. If he isn't comfortable saying anything, it's okay I know the feeling.    "It's okay.. but the mysteries were so... dumb." I laugh. He shrugs not able to argue with that. There is a gun shot off in the distance and people start screaming. Crash and I both right away get over to the senator and cover them and lead them towards the door to our car. They both ask a bunch of questions and Crash just explains that we are extra protection. There are more shots, and once we get them outside Crash sends me back inside. I rip the dress so it's easier for me to move in and head upstairs where the shots were coming from. I grab my clutch and pull out my pistol. I edge around the cornner aiming in front of me, but no one is there. I move slowly making sure my heels don't click on the marble floor. I turn aiming into the room I pass and I find a bunch of empty food trays. Who ever was up here has been here a while. I head a bunch of footsteps, and I slip into the empty room and peek out to see what is going on. It's three men leaving the room next to this one. I don't recognize two of them but there is one I do. It's the camera guy from the other mission at the hotel. They head for the stairs. I follow after I'm sure there isn't anyone else. I stay back trying to listen in and see if I can find out exactly what they were doing here.    "I thought they would be here." Camera guy apologizes. "Maybe they were and just didn't stand out. Or just ignored the shots." He offers, and they continue walking up the stairs.    "The boss is interested you know that. We need to get this going. Where else might we find them?" A differnt guy speaks.   "I'll look." they stop moving, I take my chance. I peek around the cornner, and take aim. I pull the triger and hit home in the head. One out two to go. The other two freak out and look back at me pulling guns.  "I told you!" Camera guy speaks   "Get her!" The other one still alive yells, and then they both charge at me, not shooting but still aiming. I aim as well and they both slow down. Thinking about how to go about this.   I don't need to think. I take my aim again. And fire. I hit the guy I don't know in the chest, not a kill shot, but not a worthless shot. He falls still and is unable to continue. I aim at the camera guy now who is smiling.    "What were you doing here?" I ask interagate aiming at him. He drops his gun, but his smiles doesn't go away.  "Answer me." I yell, stepping toward him. He cocks his head toward the window, and I look over there too. I hear it to late. A helicopter. Damn I was to focused on other things. He jumps out the window and I run over looking at what just happened. They're all ready to far away at least for the pistol. A hand grabs my ankle and I turn stomping down on he hand with my other foots. He screams in pain. "What were you three doing here?" I ask him grabbing his hair and pulling his face up off the ground.  He spits at me, and I tug on his hair.    "I'm not gonna talk." He groans in pain. Blood is everywhere on the ground around us. "Might as well kill me." He laughs.    I stick my finger into his bullet wound and the screaming begins. I don't think I've ever heard a man scream that loud or at least high pitched.    "What were you doing here!?" I ask again.    "You." he mumbles. "Bitch." Then out of knowwhere his arm is up and there is a bullet through his head. I step back totally lost. He didn't shoot me? He could've shot me... but he didn't. I wipe my face smearing some of his blood that splattered on me.    "Blaire what the hell happened!?" Crash  makes it upstairs.    "I got two of them... but that damn camera guy keeps getting away." I groan looking toward the window.   "The helicopter?" Crash walks over looking at everything. I nod, looking down at the dress I'm wearing. It more than likely costed a fortune, and now it's not only ripped but filled with blood stains. "Nobody was hit. Just a case vases shattered from people knocking into them on the way out."    "They weren't here for any specific person." I rub my eyebrow. "I heard some of what they were talking about. They were waiting to see if someone would come out and openly attack them, I didn't catch any names though."    "Well, you did good. Lets get headed back." He sighs. I nod and follow behind him back downstairs and outside. Once we reach the door, now there is not only paparazi but also news vans with cameras everywhere and  people asking questions and trying to figure out what went wrong. "Aghh.. lets just get out of here fast don't say anything." He sighs.    "Here wait." I say, "Take off you jacket." He doesn't argue. "Turn around." He does. I slip the dress off, now in the strapless bra and thong. I shrug into his jacket that is just like a knee length dress on me. "Okay lets go." I point towards the door.    "Are you naked under there?" He whispers as we sneak past eveyone with out anyone paying attention to us.   "No." I reply flatly, and we slip into our car and we head out. " I'm tired." I  yawm laying my head against the window. "I swear if you touch me I will shoot you!" I warn him    "Thought you weren't naked under there?" He jokes.    "I'm not but still!" I snap back and with that I ignore him and his like remarks. I'm ready to shower and sleep. It's Saterday tomorrow too. Good. But Luke wont be there. He is in Florida. With Tessa and even some of Crash's girls. Closing my eyes I push the thoughts away I can't get into that now. I don't want to get into that now. Chapter 13 Blaire's POV   "Blaire? Hey wake up. It's just a bad dream!" I sit up bonking head with Crash who was leaning over my trying to wake me up.  "Sorry... but you started yelling and whipping around. Well, and we're back."   "Oh... sorry... I just...I .."    "It's okay.. I understand. I'll walk you back to your room." He says, and I don't argue I'm to tired to. The walk back is quiet and once we're to my room, he goes inside and tucks into my bed, screw showers.  "Thanks... Crash."   "I heard about what your mission with the school is." He whispers. "I think it's a bunch of bullshit, little bunny. You're being really strong about everything. I'm proud of you."   "What are you doing Crash? You're actually being a good guy?!" I yawn feeling sleep coming.    "I just wanted to tell you that, I am proud of you. Stay strong Blaire." He wipes some of my hair off my face, and says goodnight. Then he is gone, and I'm out cold.   ****   I can help you if you don't understand it." Cody reminds me sitting in the classroom. The math room.    "Please do because I'm still confused." I sigh laying my pencil down and crossing my arms. "This is all dumb stuff anyways when will I need this in the future?" I question. All he does is laugh, making his way over to my desk. I pulls over a chair and begins the first problem with me. None of still makes any sense, but it help a little having him explain it to me again.  "Thanks!" I smile finally understanding this dumb formula I have to use.    "I know how you can pay me back." His voice goes raspy and low. Than his hands on my chair turning me towards him as he moves in closer. What is this? Aren't we in class? I look around, and panic when I don't see anyone else. I grab his hand and push them off of me, trying to get away from him. "Come one you know you want it."   "No!" I yell, instinctively swinging my arm to slap him. He grabs my wrist just in time and pulls me towards himand I jerk forward into his body. "Stop! What are you doing?!" I say trying to squirm my way out.    "You know you're my favorite Blaire." He whispers in my ear   "NO!" I shriek falling out of bed. I stay on the floor, letting the hard cold floor calm and cool me down. After a while I sit up feeling a little calmer now. I have blood all over me from last night. A shower sounds nice. I get all cleaned up and decide I'll go to breakfast. It just opened a couple minutess ago, the earliest it opens is 4:00 and it's 4:06 right now.     Like I thought, I'm the first one here. I chat with the cooks for while, and take my breakfast to go. Computer hacking. I'll go waste some time. Eating and working on skills wastes a lot of time. Mostly because it is hard to type and eat at the same time. Once three hours have past I decide to bring my dishes back to the cafeteria. Now it's packed full. I go in and joke with the cooks about this morning and me calling a banana a mango. I was slightly distracted, and we all laughed about it. I turn around looking at the table for Luke. They aren't back yet.  I leave as soon as I find Crash not wanting him to see me and mention last night. That was so embarrassing. I can't believe he saw me at my worst moment like that.    Now what to do with my day? I have homework to catch up on, but that really isn't what I want to do at all. I should do it though, just so when I get to school on Monday I can turn it all in and be done with all of it. I shouldn't have anymore homework hopefully after this anyways. Grabbing a bottle of water from a machine, I head to my room and pull my bookbag over to my desk. I pull out all the worksheets and books I have here with me and get to work. Starting with French and ending with Math.    Hanging around the training hall after that I chat with other marks. It feels nice to have a day off and be a somewhat normal teenager. Well, some what normal. Watching around the room, trying to keep my eyes open for Tessa and or Luke I spot Natalie and Morgan. We aren't very close... I'm not very close with any of the other marks. We talk and all but I don't go out of my way to chat with them. Espicially those two. They aren't that good of company. They both think their shit doesn't stink, and they are practically the sluts of the facility. They go on speical missions trying to seduce bad guys and what ever.    I hear Crash's whistle that he always does trying to get peoples attention, and I swing my head to where it came from.    "Me?" I ask. Now what does he want from me. I really don't want to talk to him. Yesterday he saw me at me worst and it was really embarassing for me. When he was my manager he didn't pay any attention or even care enough to notice it, but he saw it yesterday. Slowly I make my way down the bars, and leave the training center with him, and I feel eyes on the two of us as we leave.    I've been spending a lot of time with him lately, and not Luke. I shake it off it doesn't mean anything. It's just with this mission I have schedules aren't working out like usual.    "What?" I ask, after following him for a couple minutes.    "Lets go outside." I replies, and leaves it at that. Outside? What's outside? I go with it knowing I can at least attempt to protect myself from him if he attacks me. Once were there he stops right infornt of the closed door behind us. "It's nice. The fresh air." He stretches out his arms.    "What do you want?" I ask again.   "Little Bunny, you don't think I just wanted to see you?" He looks down at me with a smirk. I role my eyes turning to head back inside.  "No wait." He lays a hand on my shoulder. " I wanted to ask you about what happened in the car."   Of course you do. I rub my eyes wishing I really wouldn't have fallen asleep. I usually don't sleep in cars and plains because of that. Not even with Luke.    "It was nothing. Just a bad dream." I push his hand of my shoulder.   "About?" He asks me.    "None of your business." Than with that I go back inside, I hear his footsteps behind me. "Leave it alone Crash."   "Luke knows about this right? And Mrs. Jennings?" He appears next to me in the hall.    "They both know that yes." I shrug. It's not a lie they do know, but I don't think they know the extent of them and how often they are.. but neither does Crash.   "How oft-"   "I'm not having this conversation with you!" I stop and turn towards him. "You never noticed before or even cared so I don't know why you do now." I pause. "Just leave it alone."    "Maybe you should talk to someone about it." He offers.    "Like you?" I scoff, and than continue walking.   "Like Mrs. Jennings.  I get the feeling you li-"   "I said leave it alone!" I turn on him again, my hand slaps his cheek and hard. "Goodbye." I walk away leaving my hand in a fist because it stings really bad. Once I round the corner I run not wanting him to be able to catch up to me. I know my slap surprised him. It surprised me. I go back to my room but lock the door, and unclench my hand. Damn that felt good to hit him, but the aftermath not so good.    It's going to be a long weekend.   *****   "Unlock the door."  I wake up to Mrs. Jennings knocking on the door. I look around for a clock trying to get the time. What is she doing here at 10:00!? "Blaire now."    I slug out of bed rubbing my eyes, as I open the door for her.   "Come along." She orders and begins walking down the hall. I have to practically run to catch up to her at first. Where is she taking me? Why is wanting to take to me at all? We make a couple turns, and she tells me to wait outside Mr. Wahls' office for her. I do leaning against the wall with a yawn.     A laugh. I stand up from the floor shaking off the edge of sleepiness that caught me. There it goes again. It's a girl. I walk toward the other end of the hall, who is it? This kind of laugh is one of those abnormally annoying ones. "So you going to help me take this off?" I hear the girls voice.  I stop. I don't want to know anymore.   "You know that is not why I came." No way. I run down the rest of the hall, and peek around the corner. Luke? He is back. At least he isn't hurt.    "Oh but we used to have so much fun." the girls steps out of her room, and I notice she is older Luke's age. Beautiful. Blonde and tall. Her loegs are very long and she reminds me of a ballerina.   "Camille," Luke sigh. I watch as she  grabs his tie that he still ha on from the mission, and she moves in way to close to him. "I'm here fo-"   "I know why you're here Lukas." She smiles up at him, and watching this is making me feel really uncomfortable. Why did she just call him Lukas? Why are they acting like this? Are they .. together!?  "Come in." She say pulling him into her room and then with that the door closes.   "Blaire, what are you doing?" I hear Mrs. Jennings ask behind me. I blink my eyes really fast and take some deep breaths. I wish I didn't see what I just saw. They must be together... or have a big past... or.   Focus. That is not what is important right now. What am I doing with Mrs. Jennings? She opens the door to her office and tells me to take a seat.    "What is this about?" I lean back in the chair making myself comfortable. I look around her office, it is bigger than Mr. Wahls', but she has a lot more stuff. " I really would just like to sleep."    "But when you sleep you have nightmares don't you?" She turns around in her chair, now ready to start talking to me finally. I narrow my eyes at her. What is this? Her face stays calm and neatral, but her eyes never leaver mine. What made her want to talk to me now? At this hour. At all even?   Crash.   "Look what ever Crash told you it's a bunch of hog wash okay." I stand up not wanting to be here. Not wanting to talk about this. "I'm sorry he wasted your time." I head for the door.    "Sit down, Blaire." She orders sternly and she means business. "We are not finished here."    "I think we are." I reply to her.    "I have to authority to put you into confinement, now if that is not what you want I would suggest you sit back down." She threatens. Confinement! No I don't want to go back to that.  I turn around and sit. I'll just go around all her questions.  "Smart girl." she praises.    "Lets just make this fast." I lean back again.   "So, these nightmares." She leans back as well, looking at me and not her notepad in her lap. "What are they about?"   "You know what they're about.  You know all the answer to everything about them already!" I reply to her.    "What about how often they occur?" I watch her hand tense. She is ready to write something.   "I don't know. Once or twice a month?" I shrug. "Seriously, what am I doing here?"   "Blaire." She leans foreward now, setting the notepad and pen aside. "Now, I know you don't like talking to me but right now you need to."    "I promise. I'm not lying or withholding anything from you. Crash is just an asshole...  I mean... he is a story teller." I rephrase my words.    "He said you were shaking and crying, Blaire. That you were sweating an-" She begins.   "I was cold." I sigh, "I swear."   "Fine." She stands up "But if I hear one more thing about this Blaire, we are going to talk. Whether it is in or out of confinement." She leads me to the door.    "I completely understand." I say leaving.  I'm going to kill him. I don't know where his room is. I don't remember. I go back to my room, wondering how I'm going to get my revenge.    What about Luke!? What was he doing with that girl!? What are they doing now? Each other?!    So much for sleeping tonight. Chapter 14 Blaire's POV   I did a great job yesterday. My job was avoiding everyone. I stayed locked up tight in my room, and went to breakfast really earlier and super really late. It was perfect.  I didn't have to worry about freaking out at Luke for that girl, and I didn't have to worry about beating the shit out of Crash... but I do plan on doing that at some point.    Today, I have school. So, I'm going to see Luke. Maybe. He usually rides with me to school, but maybe just maybe today will be an exception. I pray it will be. In fact, I'm makign my way towards the garage now, so I aproach with my fingers crossed. I'm either going to open the car door and find him waiting for me, or he will be waiting for me to arrive and he'll open the door.. or he might not be there at all. I peek into the garage. He isn't to be seen. He must be in the car. Tip toing my way there - as if doing so will make me be unnoticable - I pull on the handle and wait to see if I hear his voice. Nothing. There isn't any voice. I peek around the door, and I almost slam it back shut. He is in there. Watching me like I'm an idiot. Now I'm not only mad at him, but ferious with myself.    Deep breath. Straight face. Get in the car.    I do just that. I buckle my belt and pull out my free reading book to read for the ride. Hopefully the book will indicate I'm not in the mood to talk right now.    "So, you and Crash went to a gala I heard." He starts right away. That seems like a jealous kind of tone. I just nod using my hair as a curtain so he can't see my face. I'm positive I have a huge scowl on my face or it's bright red from anger and embarassment.  "How... was that?" He asks, wanting more on it.    "Fine." I shrug my shoulders, and turn the page in the book. I'm not actually reading but I have to make it look like I am.    "Well, that is... good. Is something wrong?" He asks. "I can tell your not reading the book. You read a lot faster than this." He grabs the book and pulls it from my hands.    "Nothing. Give me the book back." I sigh sending him a glare. I hold out my hand, but he doesn't give it back.   "Yeah okay. Did he do something to you?" He asks, now I look away. Both of you did something to me you damn idiot. Laying my head against the window I just stay quiet. Screw this. I don't want to get into now, but then go all day at school not being able to fix it. "What did he do?" he asks again.   "It's not important. I handled it. I always handle things perfectly fine when you're gone." I blurt, and then I rub my eyes wishing I wouldn't have said anything.    "So you're mad at me for being gone now? I don't understand why you can get mad at me for having other marks and other people to worry about. You aren't my main priority all the time Blaire." He begins scolding me.    "No Camille is." I whisper harshly to myself. That hit home. That hurt. I don't want to be his main worry. Not even his main priority... but I just thought that we were closer than this.    "Besides you've been with Crash." he goes on not hearing my little remark.   " 'for work' " I use his same excuse. "It's not like I go into his room and fuck him every other night." I lean back, I am starting to feel tears but no way in hell am I going to cry because of this.    "Excuse me!" He demands wanting to know what is going on with me right now. The car than comes to a stop and I know we're at the school.   "Or maybe I do." I whisper but loud anough for him to hear. I grab my book bag and leave the car.    "Blaire get back here, now!" I hear him and a car door open and close. I keep walking towards the school. He catches up to me real quick grabbing my wrist forcing me to stop. His face it's filled with so much emotion right now. He is frightened and angry. Confused mostly.  "What in the hell has been going on?"    "Nothing." I pull my arm trying to get him off. "I have school."    "I'm going to throw you back into that vehicle if you don't anser my damn question."  he questions.    "What do you want to know?" I sigh, giving up this whole strong indepent thing. Sadly I already miss having Luke here as my best friend. I'm in way to deep to just forget him like that.    "Did you sleep with Crash while I was gone?" He whispers, and I look up into his eyes. I can't believe he actually believed me.    "No. Now can I go?"  I look towards the school.   "We will talk about this more at the facility." He says, and I nod. Than with that he lets go of me and gets back into the car. I stare after him like a lost puppy, wanting him to come back here.    "That looked bad." Casey's voice behind me sounds intrigued. "Get into a fight? Was it about that hot guy who came and picked you up the other day.. with that dress?"    "Kind of." I sigh, leaving it at that. I walk past her back into the school, and towards my locker.    "I'm not done here Blaire. You have explaining to do." She follows me keeping her voice down.  "Who was he? He looked like he was thirty Blaire."    "Actually he is twenty two." I correct her.   "Fine. Why did the twenty two year old give you a dress like that?!" She keeps up with the questions. I take a deep breath thinking through my answer. Why would I have been given a dress like that? "Don't lie either." She whispers, as if she knows what it was for. That's impossible though.    "It was for a party.." I try out. I'm not techinically lying.    "What kind of party, Blaire?" she steps in front of me. Stopping me from getting into my locker.    "A fancy dress party." I smile at her, and swerve around her finally getting to my locker. I open it and begin putting things away and getting out my Anatomy things.    "No shit." She laughs but it's not a funny happy laugh. I turn around and step back seeing a phone screen being shoved in my face. "You went to Florida. To a big gala from the governer!" I look at the picture blankly, now what do I say?  It is of Crash and I as we were first walking inside.   "Where did you get that?" I ask.   "It was on the news. Apparently there was a shooting and some murders even." She is watching my every move now like a hawk.  I don't understand the clean up crew ussually deal with these things and makes sure there isn't any way to they can lead it back to us.    "Who have you all shown that to?" I ask. This isn't good.    "No one.. but it was broadcasted on the tv. So I'm others saw it." She is slightly confused on what's going on now.   "You have to delete that photo Casey. Now." I practically beg her.    "What? Not until I get some answers Blaire!" She demands. The first bell rings signalling class, and I practically run away. I pull out my phone sending Luke a text telling him what happened and what Casey has. He replies right away saying he is on it. I shove my phone back into my pocket and pay attention to class.   Now I avoid Casey and Caleb both unsure if he knows about the photo yet.  I realize halfway into third hour that I'm going to see Cody Riker today. What do I do? What can I do? Nothing. Mr. Wahls hasn't told me anything  yet.  I'm screwed. That's all there is to it. I'm tottally screwed. Life is hitting the fan because everythig is begging to blow up and away. Luke and I are fighting. I'm stuck in a mission with my rapist. I might have put myself and the agnecy in jeopardy. But, that could also be Crashes fault. He was there two. Why did the new cast have us in there though? We weren't .. aren't famous. If Casey is telling the truth and it was broadcasted over the TV, than there is alot of clean up to be done.   I skip lunch not really feeling it because my stomach is already not feeling the best. I sit in the library trying to think of a way to get out of P.E and Math. I really don't want to see him. Ever again preferably ... unless I'm kicking his ass. I know I'm strong enough to do it. I can meet him face to face and not freak out, or break down. I just don't want to be waiting a long time to do it.    "Blaire Kennedy, please report to the office. Blaire Kennedy to the office." The intercom blows it's top of hurting my ears. I keep up from my seat heading to the office. I open the door, and pause when I see Casey sitting in a chair obviously pissed off.    "Blaire." I hear Luke, and he peeks out from around the room. Oh, her phone!   "You couldn't stand me having a picture of you? Wow." Casey scoffs at me. I walk past her without even acknowledging her. She is beyond my main issue here.    "Blaire. Now." Luke yells from the other room.    "Yes, Sir." I head inside, and see they have an entire system here breaking into all the students phones checking for the photo and or other information. "You know you didn't have to be a jerk about it. She is going to make my life hell now."   "You wont be here much longer anyways."  He stares at the screen, barely acknowledging me. Right he is still mad at me... I should still be mad at him.  "What was the mission?"   "You know I can't tell you that." I cross my arms.  He starts tapping his foot on the floor, getting angry. "That was a stupid question."   "What happened Blaire? This girl has your photo, and so do many magazine websites. Now I'm on clean up duty cleaning up your mess."  He demands finally looking at me.   "Don't blame me! That's Crash's job!" I fire right back. "Why do you care so much, it was just one slip. It's not like I was holding a gun in the picture!"  the computer beeps and he looks back at that. I turn away fumming about this now. He seems jealous but yet he might just really be mad about having to do clean up.    "That is not the point and you know it." He calmly says. "You were sloppy... both of you. Next time just be maybe a little more careful."  That strikes home with me. Sloppy. I was sloppy!?    "Well, I guess you better start training me better than. Since my sloppiness is interfering with you fucking around with Camille."  I reply like a spit fire. Oh no! Not what should have been said. He turns his head towards me, still trying to comprehend everything I just said. I let out a shakey breath, and turn leaving the room.    "Blaire Kennedy get back here now!" He yells, but I ignore him. I pass Casey who was keeping an ear in on our conversation. I open the office door. and head down the hall back to the library. I sit in my chair  and lean back.    Damn. I'm in so much trouble. I don't want to go back to the facility now. Luke is more than likely going to murder me, if Mr. Wahls doesn't do it first. I was way out of line today. Talking back to Luke like that. He could get me set back down to a trainee! He wouldn't though would he? He just might with how I have been acting lately. God I've been such a bitch to him. He has to hate me now!    I lose a couple of tears knowing what ever Luke and I had before is gone. I just threw it all away. Without evening really thinking about it!    "Blaire." I freeze. Oh god. I'm crying. "What is going on?" He asks and I hear the ceat next to me squeek as he sits down.  "You have to talk to me. I... I don't want to leave things like that. And don't say it is nothing."   "I don't even know what is wrong." I lie. Of course I know, but I can't exactly just say I'm pissed of and jealous that you have a girl that your having sex with and may or may not be in a relationship with.    "Camille and I ar-"    "God I don't want to know!"  I interupt looking up but not at him now that al the tears are gone. "It is none of my business."     "- in a class learning how to use new weapons the agancy is getting." He finishes. I bite my lip to keep my jaw from dropping.  "I'm not sure what you saw... but I can't assure you there is nothing going on there at all."    "I know what I saw Lukas." I scoff getting up. He must think I'm some kind of idiot. I walk through the shelves and he follows me.    "You saw her acting like she does with everyone." It makes me laugh actually. I've never seen anyone act so sexual ever. "Blaire." He stops me. "She is into girls."    "What?" I gasp.    "Were you jealous?" He asks a hint of a smirk starting to poke out. "Are you jealous?"    "Are you kidding!? No, I was just ... well I was worried for yo-" I try to think of a way to explain.    "You were jealous."  He realizes. I turn away again and move away from him. Why does he have to be so damn perceptive!? I really do hate him sometimes. But I'm pretty sure I love him all of the times.    "That isn't the point Luke. What do you want now!?" I stomp my foot.    "You know you aren't sloppy right?" He asks a couple feet away from me. He is watching me now with those eyes. Like he's a hawk and I'm his prey. It sends shivers down my spine.  "I'm sorry I  yelled at you. I just don't want Mr. Wahls getting on our asses and bumping you down to a trainee." He pauses, but has more to say. "And... I was... I am jealous that you've been spending so much time with Crash." He finishes in a rush. I feel a little pink start coming to my cheeks. He is jealous of Crash? "You know there isn't anything going on between Camille and I. Now I need to know, have you and Crash ever h-"   "No! I would never do that. Not even if it was to make you mad." I reply. Right than the bell rings. " I better get to class." I sigh, walking back towards the door. I move around him feeling slightly awkward right now. This is a wierd place to leave things. But It's better than before.    "Wait." He says, to quickly for me to even actually stop. He grabs my wrist, and I tumble towards him from him pulling. Not only are we chest to chest but we are lips to lips! Holy shit he is kissing me!    Wait, he is kissing me?!    I'm not going to argue. This is like a dream come true right here! Instinctively my arm wrap around his neck. His hands are on my waist holding on tight. I always wondered what it would feel like kissing him but I never thought it would be like this. This is like a peace of heaven. It's short lived. When the bell rings signaling 5th hour starting, I reluctantly pull back. I touch my lips wishing I didn't have to. No one can ever know about it.    "I'm sorry." I breath out and turn and scurry out of the room, to my class. I slump into my chair still dazed from what just happened. I can't believe that just happened! I need to forget it. If anyone finds out we could both get into a lot of trouble. My lips are sealed. I wont say anything.    I'll take that kiss to my grave.  Chapter 15 My grave might be coming sooner then I thought. During my little ... scuttle... with Luke I forgor all about Casey and wiping her phone. She is now giving me the stink eye in the locker room as we change for P.E. Along with all of her friends as well. I might as well go kill myself now because I can tell that they're prepared to make my life a living hell. If I think about it though... it can't get much worse. I mean I'm like 10 feet away from the person who raped me, I kissed Luke which is way against all of the rules, and I'm pretty sure there is going to be one big clean up duty because Casey wont keep her mouth shut.    I leave the locker room keeping my head down and mouth shut, no need to say anything else that might strike her the wrong way. I hang out in the gym waiting for everyone else. There are a couple guys out here but they are all messing around.    "You changed fast." Cody sighs sitting next to me at the ground. I look at my hands in my lap, pulling in a deep breath. I need to stay calm and collected here, other wise things might make a bad turn. I just nod, going along with it. It's not like I absolutly had to reply to him with words.  "You ready for kick ball?" He sighs, sounding bored.   "It's not my favorite." I reply and to my surprise it sounded normal. Thank the lord!    "What is your favorite than?" He asks, his voice sounds intrigued and it catches my attention more than he already has.  I glance over at him, and look away when I see he is looking at me. With him looking at me like that it his questions sounds almost sexual.    Okay, wait.   This might be fun. Lets play. In a couple of days we'll be arresting him anyways.    "Well... why don't you tell me." I look back over at him, and he smirks more with a scoff. He looks over towards the guys and watches them a while.    "You know... you should be over there... or still in the locker room  with the girls."    "Why though... you're  right here." I sigh looking over at the group of boys like he is. Caleb is over there now, but he isn't paying any attention.  Then the gym door bang open and all the girls from the locker room come in like a heard of buffalos.    "Alright are we all ready now?" Cody stands up stretching out.  He looks down at me and offers a hand, I take it without a second thought and we all follow behind him. I stay behind everyone like the loner I am, and go about the class without friends. I do a pretty kick ass job at kickball though, but I still don't like it that much.  Classes continue like usual, I haven't faced the wrath of Casey yet, but I feel like their is going to be a big smack in the face coming up soon, and the sooner I get out of here the better.   "Alright go change." Cody releases us. I take off and change back into my clothes and take off to the math room... Mr. Riker's room. I pull out my phone checking to see if just maybe Luke texted me. No, of course not. That kiss probably fucked everything up. Knowing how much he likes his job he probably told Mr. Wahls and we're both in a ton of trouble. I lay my head down on the desk trying to play out the scene in my head. There are some many ways it could go. Depending on what Luke tells him too. Would Luke completely lie saying I made all moves on him!? No. He wouldn't. I don't think at least.    "In a rush?" Riker walks into the room.   "Yes, actually... I want to get home." I sigh.    "What's so great about home?  It sounds to me like you have a controling older brother who doesn't leave you alone." He leans on his desk looking in my direction. "Doesn't sound like that good of a life."   "No, Casey .. just doesn't understand whats going on." I lean back. "I'm assuming she told you about the picture."    "Yeah.... of you at a big gala in Florida or something like that with a different guy."  he replies, in a questioning tone.    "It's my brothers work.... and I can't say much more about it. That's why the photo had to be deleted." I end that conversation.  "Lets get on with this math crap." I sigh opening my text book. He moves back behind hs desk getting the board ready as more students pile into the room.   Luke isn't in the car when I get picked up. The driver doesn't greet me or even look at me. I'm so dead. The ride back is long and I try to do homework to make it go by faster.  But my worry gets the best of me and begin freaking out.     I know what I can do. I'll jut go straight to Mr. Wahls and apologize! Take what ever punishment he has for me. Yes, that is what I'll do! I'm still going to be dead and in way to much trouble, but maybe just maybe it wont be as bad. The car comes to a stop and I hear the gears click putting it into park. Here I go.    Pulling my bag over my shoulder I practically run to his office. Of, course I knock and I don't just barge in. Once I get told I can come in I take a deep breath. Okay. I can do this.    "Sir." I greet opening the door.    "Ah! Blaire, just who I wanted to see actually." He smiles. Oh god. But it looks like a genuene smile, not a "I planning to murder you" one. "Come please sit down."    "Yes, Sir." I take a seat, now rethinking my idea of spilling my guts to him.    "Alright. Now, we have to be careful how we continue with your mission. " He begins, "With his dad being in one of the top military branches, and his mother being a lawyer.. it might be more tricky to arrest him."   "I thought you have proof though? Like a rape kit." I'm slightly confused.    "We do. But with it being a couple years old... and not having any other proof. We need a stronger case." He leans back, I nod understanding what he means. Although I thought we were higher up with the government then this.    "What is it you want me to do?"  I stand, "I'll do anything."    "I know." He stands up now as well. "Follow me." He gestures, and I do as I'm told. He leads me out of his office and towards the training center. We don't actually go into it though. This is cool! I'm in the over view room. Where managers, Mrs. Jennings, and Mr. Wahls watch us all. I've never been up here before.    "Blaire, I need something from you that I usually don't ask for." he sighs looking down at the marks and managers down below us. I listen closely. "We know that he is a rapist... a repeated one in fact." Now he looks at me.    "I don't understand." I admit not following him.    "I'm going to send some one in with you." He looks away. I get defensive right away. Angry that he doesn't think I can handle this on my own. "For protoction." He continues explaining his thought process. I look back down at the marks spotting Morgan, Tessa, and Natalie all doing a simulation working together as a team. Luke is standing by watching them as they work. Luke... he didn't say anything. What is he doing?    "Why would I need protection, Sir? I am quite capable of protecting myself and other people." I respond still lost. My eyes wonder away from Luke and the girls, and I just watch others training. My eyes find Crash, he is working with one of his girls that I don't even know.    "Just a procuation that's all. Back up if something were to happen." He says as if he knows something will happen.    "What exactly are you asking me to do?" I turn away from the glass. I need to focus on this conversation.    "I need you to put yourself into a position where he makes a move." He now looks at me as well. "I need you to seduce him."  He lets that sink in a minute, and I process it. I sort of did that today but I did that because I knew we'd be arresting him. But... if he is asking me to do it, and sending in protection...    "Yes, Sir." I reply.  "Anything as long as I can be there when he is arrested."    "Of course." He smiles at me again. "One more thing though Blaire." His voice turns serious, and he points down towards Luke. Oh, no.    "Yes?" I ask worried that he going to remove me from Luke.    "Mr. Smith, can NOT know about this. None of it. This is between us two." He says, and we both watch Luke for a miniute. He stretches out his arms and twists his torso and just happens to glance up at us. He pauses confused, and his eyes cross mine.    "I understand." I say still looking down at him, just like he is looking at me.    "I'm glad. It shouldn't be much longer, Blaire."    "Wait, who are you sending with me?" I ask tearing my eyes away from Luke's. I walk over to him, since he is halfway out the door. "If you don't mind me asking."    "Tristan." He responds and I feel my jaw drop. Then with that he closes the door, and leaves me alone in the over view room.    Back up here a minute. Tristan? The only boy mark here at the facility, Tristan?! Who just happens to look like a model for Calvin Klein?! I haven't even seen him around! I have no idea why he is the only boy here but he is and damn is he good at his job. I've worked with him only one other time, and that was at a wedding. We were the protection the bride who was someones daughter who was important. That was a long time ago. I don't even remember any specifics about it.   I leave the room heading down to the training hall once I've changed out of my clothes. He wont pass for a highschooler will he? I haven't seen him in a while... but I'm partly sure he is around Luke's age.    "Why don't you go work on hand to hand combat." Luke's voice breaks my thoughts, I look over at him. He is still watching the other three.    "Yeah sure." I sigh walking away. It's not like we kissed a little over three hours ago, or anything. I shake my head not wanting to even start with that. If he can act like nothing happened then so can I. Or at least I can try.  I work on my fighting like Luke said to do, but my eyes wander to him  every couple of seconds. I get it since we're in a crowded area, we can't really talk about what happened. But I think it needs to be talked about. Sorted out so that it never happens again... of course I'd rather it happen a lot more... but under the circumstances.   After I spend an hour on that I debat on what to do. I sit down on one of the benches wishing there was some  one here I could tell everything to. Not Luke, there are thing s can't tell him, for sure not Mrs. Jennings shes a snitch for Mr. Wahls. There are things I wish I could get of my chest, like this kiss!     Running. Running also helps me calm down and work things out. I head out without talking to Luke about it.    *****   "Night." I get up from the table. It was just Natalie sitting there, the other three weren't there so they must be gone. I'm ready to hit the showers. I head towards my room, ready to just sleep for a couple of days. Tomorrow Tristan will be going with me to school, and I'll be trying to get into not only my teacher but my rapist pants.   Great just great. Everything was starting to somewhat go well, and now everything is blowing up.  Chapter 16 Blaire's POV   Mr. Wahls left me a treat in my room. Someone must have came in my room late while I was sleeping and put this in here.  Because that is not creepy at all. The card just reads "Do your best. Mr. Wahls" I open the box and see an engraved dagger. It's beautiful. It has my initials on it. I slide it into the case and zip it into the pouch I never use in my book bag.    I get dressed and shove my hair into a bun. I shove my feet into my converse shoes that I'm begginng to get tired of. I honestly miss my mission boots... actually just my mission clothes in general. I grab my bag and head to the garage. I don't want breakfast.  More like I don't want to see Luke, but I'm just ignoring all thoughts about him.    I get to the garage and there isn't any sign of Luke anywhere. Good. Opening the car I freeze, remembering Tristan.    "Been awhile crocodile!" He greets me with a wave. His curly black hair all geled and a school bag in his lap.    "Okay.." I slide into the car closing the door. "Lets get this dumb show on the road." I rub my temples.    "Not excited to be working with me? Damn. I wash excited to see you." He sighs. "You know you're like famous."   "You too, did you know that?" I sigh laying my head on the window.    "Well yeah.. being the only guy in a group of girls... does make you stand out." He smirks. "but you.... you're like major big talk between everyone. Being an assisin with a smoking hot body who just happens to be in the middle of a huge war."    "War?" I look over at him.    "Oh come on Crash and Luke?" He chuckles.    "No." I flat out say. "End of conversation, Tristan. Now, lets get on thing straight. I really don't need your protection so please just leave me alone."   "You're very interesting, you know that. Intriguing. Entertaining even. This is going to be a lot of fun!" He sighs, pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket. He tosses it at me and I look at it. No. No way!   "What is this!? You're in all of my classes?" I throw it back, what is going on.    "I'm here to make sure you do your job. And to help you in case something goes wrong."    "What could go wrong?" I scoff.    ".... Blaire... it is just in case you... freeze or something nothing important."  He sighs and looks away. I do to. I get why he is here.     "Well.. I guess I should thank you or something..." I rub my eyes.    "No, I should thank you. This is like a vacation for me! Besides I know you can handle yourself." then the car comes to a stop and we both slide out of the car. "Okay so what exactly do you do? Do you like actually do this or just half ass it?"    "Depends on the day honestly." We walk towards the school together. " Do you need to go to the office at all?" I stop him in front of the office doors. The door swings open and out walk Caleb and one of his friends, and he stops looking at me. His eyes obviously looking me up and down in a lusting way.    "Blaire." He speaks and then walks away with a quick look at Tristan next to me.    "Caleb Riker, little brother of the suspect. Right?" he whispers, I nod. "No I don't need the office. I've got everything sorted out. I'm in all of your classes and I'm just suposed to chill with you... I'm your 'foster brother' like Luke."    "Right." I nod and head towards my locker.    "So explain to me what this school is? I mean nerds jocks ass hole teachers."   "Mrs. Lebough is a hoot I can tell you that much. She'll love you too you know. Being able to speak french better than she can."  We both laugh and I show him around the school. We stop at the anatomy room which is my first... well now our first class. "That's the school... nothing to special honestly."    "So... Caleb Riker has a thing for you, and Casey Riker doesn't like you at all." is the first thing he says to me, and it catches me off guard. "Well... they both made it pretty obvious when we passed them in the hall back there."    "Well, yeah your right. Although I don't think any of that matters does it?"  I ask, before I open the door.    "Mhmmm, it might. We're dealing with there older brother. Especially since you have some seducing to do." He looks down at me, yes he it taller.. like everyone else.   "Mr. Wahls told you that part?" I look at the floor some what embarassed.   "Yes, that's why I have to be with you practically everywhere. So I can be sure to help if something goes wrong." He responds. If something goes wrong. What if I do freeze up? I wouldn't put it past me to do someting like that. I'm strong though, I know I can stand up to him.   "I just ignore them really.." I say back on the topic of Caleb and Casey. "Mostly Caleb though... I've had issues with Casey the past couple of days... yesterday.." I admit.    "Like?" He asks, and I go into Mr. Whitman's room introducing them. Then we sit at a desk and I explain what happened yesterday... of course leaving out the entire Luke and I kissing part.  "Interesting... are you and Crash in trouble?"    "Not that I know of." I shrug, "But we could be and Mr. Wahls is just waiting untilafter this mission." I lean back in my chair. Then the bell rings and class starts. Landon complains about how I'm not sitting by them anymore, but we're in the desk right next to them so it's not like I'm far away.  Of course they try to seem protective over me with Tristan being here because they don't know who he is, but then I explain to them the fostering situtation and they back off. I hand them my packet with the answer on it the they gladly shut up and get to writing. Tristan and I  whisper about the groups of people in the school, as he zooms through the packet same as me.    "Are you both just super smart, or did Blaire help you?" Mr. Whitman walks over whispering to us. He seems suspicious.    "We actually were taught at the same school believe it or not." Tristan smiles over at me, lying through his teeth. All though were were taught .. practically taught at the same place.. the facility.. but we weren't taught in the way he is imply.  "Two peas in a pod we are!" Tristan throws his arm over my shoulder and winks at me. I shake my head looking at Mr. Whitman.    "Wow, really?" He asks, intrigued. "So, you're staying with her and her brother than?"    "Yes, Sir."  Tristan salutes him. Than with that he walks away. "So, what's after this?" Tristan sighs leaning back.   "It's going to be a long day.." I lay my head down on the table, really wishing this wasn't the plan anymore.   ****   "Tristan! Stop give it back!"  I panic as he runs out of our last class with my notebook... that I just happened to doodle stuff like  "I Love Luke" in.  "Pardon me! Sorry!" I say shoving my way through the crowd of students. "Tristan!" I yell again.    He makes a sharp turn around a cornner, and I follow catching up. But he is nowhere to be seen. What in the hell? I look up making sure he didn't get up into the ceiling some how. Not there. I watch farther down, and I pass the boys locker room.  Oh. That smart ass. What if he looks through it?! I charge into the room, thankfully with no one in it except him.    "I didn't think you would actually come in here you're so up tight and all." He chuckles. "I didn't look through it I promise!" He hands it over. Then leaves I follow not wanting to get caught being in here. "So, Mrs. Smith wha-OW"   "You did read it!" I smack him up side the head. Oh, god this is so embarrassing! What am I going to do? He will tell everyone and I'll be a laughing stock and not only that but Luke will probably be disgusted! "You can't tell anyone, Tristan!" I beg. "Please, it could ruin me!"    "I wont. You're secret is safe with me." He whispers, and then we're outside walking towards our vehicle. "Besides.. I'm all for you and Smith." He shrugs.   "What does that mean?" I grab his elbow before he opens the car door.    "I mean, I think you too might just work out. If you would ever admit to each other how you feel." He looks down at me. "Blaire, you know he admires you.. hell I'm sure that he is in love with you."    "Luke?" I gasp, letting go of him. "You are way off their bud. Mr. Smith-"   "What about me?" The window roles down and his face pops out, I almost punch him because he frightened me to death, but Tristan grabs my arm just in time.  He is looking at us suspiciously, mostly Tristan actually, and he is confused and intrigued. He opens the car door gesturing for us to get in, and Tristan being the dumbass he is makes me slide in next to Luke.    "Anyways..." I sigh, "As I was saying, Mr. Smith wont make you do the homework but if you want to you can." I make something up so things aren't completely awkward. I haven't seen Luke since we kissed, and I was just told the Luke probably loves me. What a bunch of fruit punch. Tristan is just trying to ... trying to... I don't know but he is trying to do something and I don't like it.  I look over at his face,  he is looking out the window he hair falling slightly in his face. It's times like these were I wish I could just take a picture of him like damn.    Next to me Luke stretches bumping into me, and I glance at him looking away from Tristan. He apologizes quietly but continues looking ahead up to the front of the vehicle. I look forward to scrunch ing my body in and closer together trying to block both of them out. What a bunch of bolagna this is!    Once we get to the facility I practically push Tristan out of the car and speed walk my way out of there. No way did I want to be by either of them any more. Luke hasn't really said a word to, and I am very made with Tristan. I go to my room and throw my stuff to the floor kicking off these dumb converse shoes and changing into my training gear. I throw on my jacket and boots, and head for the outside doors.  I'm not staying inside where I'm more likely to run into one of them.    ******   "Tomorrow. I'm finishing this tomorrow." I flat out tell Mr. Wahls. "I'm sick of wasting my time with this mission." I argue. "I could be doing so much more but you guys have me stuck in a damn high school chasing a rapist!"   "Your rapist." He replies. I lean back, wishing people would understand that I just want him behind bars. I'm not searching for revenge or anything, as long as he gets what he deserves. Jail / Prison  time.    "Mr. Wahls... please. I'm tired of the school and the people. I really just want to get back to real missions." I say not begging but getting there.    "I understand Blaire." He sighs sitting up. "Tomorrow I want you to go to school with Tristan like any other normal day okay?" I nod not happy but I know there is a but or an and coming. "And then Thursday we can make our move alright?"    "Thank you Sir." I get up, good in two days this will all be done and over with. Then maybe things will go back to normal! No Luke and I fighting or kissing... well I'll miss the kissing part... but that is not the point.  "Good night." I say leaving the room. I feel a weight being liftd off my shoulders, knowing this is all coming to end and Cody will be behind bars or something.   I'm going to sleep easy tonight. Once I'm back to my room, I open and close the door leaving the lights off. I know the room by heart so it's not like the light needs to get turned on for me to make it to the bed. I pull off my shirt liking the cold air against my bair skin, but I leave on my sport bra because I can't stand sleeping naked. I pull off my shoes next and throw them over towards the cornner I usually put them.    "Hey before you get completely undressed." there is a voice, and it makes me scramble backwards to the light switch.  "You might want to know I'm here..." Luke sighs as the light turns on.    "What in the hell are you doing sitting in my room?! In the dark!?" I ask, looking for where my shirt landed. Way embarassed about this.    "Blaire I wanted to talk to you about yesterday..." he scratches the back of his neck getting up from my bed. He looks from the floor to me, and I notice his eyes scan my body. Usually that would've been creepy but when it is him doing it not so much.     "What about yesterday?" I cross my arms, over my stomach. For some reason even though he has seen me in Spandex and a sports bra I feel really naked in front of him. I look around the room trying to act as if I don't know what he is reffering to. He roles his eyes, and lets out a breath.    "Just never mind." He heads towards the door. "I thought maybe you would be mature about this." He scoffs, and I whirl around closing the door in his face.    "I'm not mature!?" I question leaving my hand against the door to push it closed if he tries to open it. "What is that suposed to mean? Huh? We broke a major rule, Luke if people find out we're toast!" I explain my reasoning here.    "So, you would rather act like it never happened." His eyes catch mine, and my voice is caught in my throat. Damn the look he is giving me.    "We shouldn-" I begin trying to change topic.   "Answer the question." He moves closer.    "No." I respond way to quickly. Although he response to my answer was way to quick as well. His hands are running through my hair, and I can feel his strong body against mine. He walks forward making me step back, until I trip backwards onto my bed. I'm already shirtless, and he pulls his off over his head then moves back down closer again. His hands run down my sides stopping at the hem of my pants   "Luke, we can't." I say trying to catch my breath, after I break apart our lips.    "We can." He whispers, looking at me. Lust clear in his eyes makes me wonder if he is just using me or if this is actually a mutual thing. "We both know how to keep a secret, and I want you so much." He lays his forehead on my shoulder. " I know you feel something here." He breaths.    "I do." I reply, "That's why we have to stop." I push against him so I'm sitting up. " I care about you to much to jeopardize you job. You worked so hard to get here, and I don't want to ruin that for you." I pull my legs out from under him. His eyes watch mine, and I wish I could read his mind to see what he is thinking about! "I really think you should go."    He ducks down, touching our lips again. Sweet and passionate.     "Good Night, Blaire." He pulls away. Then with that he leaves the room, and I'm left in my bed wondeirng what exactly just happend and wishing I wouldn't have told him to leave. But I did the right thing. I know I did.     I'm getting a little sick of this entire Romeo and Juliette thing going on here. Chapter 17 Blaire's POV   "Shut up!" I knudge Tristan as he teases me about Caleb. We're walking into the school again and just happened to get here at the same time he did. "I'm ready to get this show on the road, tomorrow is our last day here and I'll be able to finally get back to normalcy!" I relax with a smile.    "Isn't is sad how for most kids this is the normal?" Tristan sighs all of a sudden serious, and I glance at him. "I wish I had this experience ya know?" He looks down at me, his face almost sad with a wanting in his eyes.    "I've had enough of an experience for the past couple weeks." I reply,  "Honestly it's a bunch of drama with slutty gir-"   "Who are you calling a slut?" Casey turns towards us. The way she says it implies that I'm being a hypocrite because I'm a slut. "So?"  She inquires.    "A B conversation... C your way out!" Tristan wraps his arm around my shoulder and gives her a devil smile with a wink. Her jaw drops, and he pulls me away as we both begin to snicker. "I really don't like her." He whispers in my ear.    "She thought we were talking about her. She is a big ass slut though so I'm assuming that's why she got so jumpy and snippy about it." We walk to Anatomy and chill at in our seats chatting about anything and every thing. He doesn't say anything about the notebook which I'm thankful for and it's probably a good thing to because of what happened last night.    I'm not even sure what exactly happened last night. I mean I know what would've happened and what did, I just don't know what it means. And he wasn't in the car this morning, which I'm kind of happy about. It was just a weird situtation that is obviously getting weirder and weirder as we go. Althought there shouldn't be anything going on at all, but.... okay I need to stop thinking about this. It's getting me all confused and lost in thought. I need to focus. Stay on top of this and not slip up and say anything that could get us in trouble.     The bell rings and we both get new packets, to sit on. We comtemplate even doing them because tomorrow is the big day for arresting Riker. We end up stuffing them into our folders and chatting the whole time anyways. It's not like he has to worry he knows that we know it all anyways so he doesn't say anything to us about it. I ask him questions about his training and his manager wondering if he gets treated differently. It sounds like he didn't have that much of a different experience compared to me. He trained just like everyone else.    "Hey.. is it weird, being the only guy?" I ask as we head to second period. "You're surround by girls, and older guys... I can't imagine thats much fun."    "Good days and bad." He shrugs, " I wish there were more guys yes, but  I also understand that girls seem like an unlikely assassin next to a boy." He looks down at me. "Especially girls like Tessa and you."    "Tessa and I?" I raise an eyebrow at him.   "Totally smoking hot." he laughs as if everyone knows it."Including you actually have a personality and care about things and people."    "You make it sound as if there aren't any other good looking girls at the facility." I role my eyes at him.    "Oh there is don't get me wrong, but you... you're definately up there in the top 5."    "Okay, so how about that school lunch today?" I change the subject, and he chuckles about it.    "Hey lets skip class." He stops us a couple feet from the door. "Lets go chill somewhere, spend the last day having some fun."   "Sounds good." I turn him around and lead him to the library. "So... there is going to be a group of boys in here that we can chill with.. yes they will be high but they don't push... yeah you got it." I turn opening the door for him.   "So you have skipped class before?" he wiggles his eyebrow at me, "Naughty Blaire!"   "Shut up." I close the dor leading him back to where Landon and the group is. We all chill there until lunch skipping all morning classes, and then Tristan leads the way to the cafeteria.  He is hungry. I sit across from him with my lunch tray nibbling off of the pizza while he is stuffing his face. "Slow down there partner you're going to get sick." I inform him and he shrugs his shoulders not really in a caring mood. "You know that tomorrow is the day right?" I whisper, and he stops looking up at me from his food.    "Yeah, Wahls told me. You sure you're ready to do this?" He takes another bite.    "Never been more ready for anything in my life." I reply starting to tap my foot. I'm so ready to do this. "Then we can get out of this pathetic school."   "You're not going to miss anyone?" He questions.    "Not really.. Maybe Landon and the gang but not for long." I shrug opening my milk.    "Blaire Kennedy please report to the office. Blaire Kennedy please report to the office." The intercom rings into the room. Everyone turns there head my way. I get up from my seat unsure what's going on.  "Tristan Moore, please report to the office. Tristan Moore please report to the office." The  intercom rings again. I wait up for him, and we both know what's up now. We're getting pulled for a different assignment. Or at least one of us is. Making our way to the off, we both slow down when we see not only Luke but Crash and Mr. Wahls.    "What is going on?" he whispers so quietly I barely even here. I shurg my shoulder wondering the same thing myself. We aren't arresting him today, so I don't know why they're all here.    "There they are." Mr. Wahls points us out. "Come along we have much to do!" He gestures towards the doors to leave.    "A mission?" Tristan keeps pace with him, being a kiss up. I stay back behind Luke and Crash even who seem to  oddly enough be getting along. I listen and stay quiet.    "So glad you asked!" Mr. Wahls chuckles, and I know it's not going to be good. "We have a private job to do." Tristan and I are forced into the car with Mr. Wahls and Luke and Crash get shoved into a different car that was brought. "So, I need you both to cooperate together in this one okay?"    "Of course." Tristan says as if there wont be any trouble. Well, there shouldn't be either we get along, and we're pretty close to thinking in similar ways. "What is you need us to do?"   "We're infilitrating a military base. We need two opperatives who can sneak and go unnoticed." He looks back us from the passenger seat.    "I guess you have the right people for the job than." I lean back, watching out the window.    "I thought so too." He turns and faces the front. "I need some data from a computer..." He explains to us want he is wanting us to do, and how he wants us to do it.    ***   "I hate these dumb suits." I whisper, zipping it up.    "Tell me about it. At least you look good in one." Tristan complains, we're both were what we call cat woman suits, that are black leather and fitted to our bodies perfectly althought they should be perfectly fitted because everyone gets a custom made suit. I braid my hair back, and then pop up the hood that is loose. Ready to go. We slip out of the car and make our way towards the building avoiding all the street lamps. Once we get to the back we look for our entrance point. There is supposed to an airduct back here for us to be able to get into the building. Tristan spots it up a couple feet, so we work as a team to get it open. Then he goes in first and than me. We both have to crawl because the duct is small, and I follow behind him with his but in my face.    "Right or left?" He asks, and I pull out the directions sheet the Luke gave me earlier. Luke and Crash both had a tour of the building while it was still open and got instructions on how to get to the office we need.    "Take a left, and the after about 5 yards there will be an opening to the hallway beneath us. That's where we will get in and out." I inform him, and then stick the paperback down by my boobs. These suits dont have pockets or anything and there to tight to were any type of underwear with comfortably at least. I keep following behind him until he turns and is looking back at me with the opening between us. The vent lifts rigth up for us, and I go down first.  "Clear." I whisper up to him, and he drops down a couple seconds later. "This way." I say gesturing for him to follow me. We run staying close to the wall waiting to see the name on the door to the office we need into.    Once we find it, I stand watch while Tristan uses his breaking an entering skills to get inside. I see a flash of a flash light and I tell Tristan to hurry it up. I don't hear any one though and the light is gone. Once he gets it open, I shove him inside closing the door.  I pulling the flash drive out from my boot that reminds me I could've put the papet there too. I shove the thought away going over to the computer. I turn on the computer and start hacking into the hard drive. Tristan stands by the door listening for trouble.    "Alright I plugging in the flash drive it should take no more than 10 minutes." I inform him, and I take a seat in the chair. Watching the percentage go up.    "How much longer he whispers about two minutes later.   "It's at 47% why?" Then I hear the shoes running through the hall outside the door.  "Shit! I can't pull it out it might set off a bunch of alarms!"    "Get under the desk and turn the screens brightness off!" He orders, and I do as I'm told. I pull the chair in making look as if no one was in here. I don't know where Tristan went, but when I hear the door open and see the light from the flash light go across the wall I hold my breath hoping we doesn't get caught. Once the door closes, I give it a couple seconds to make sure the person is gone.  "He's gone." Tristan speaks before I come out.    I pop out from under the desk checking where the flash drive is at. I pull it out surprised it's finished. I stuff it back in my boot, and pop the hood back up.    "Once we open that door we have to run. Who knows where that guard is at." Tristan whispers as we both make our way to the door.    "No problem." I salute him. He swings it open and then we both move out, I keep watch while he re-locks the door. Than we both make our way back to our pipe. Getting a jumping start, I grab ahold of the edge of the opening to the duct. I pull myself up with ease , waiting for Tristan before I go. He gets up and puts the vent back on and I lead the way this time.    "I enjoy this very much." He chuckles, and I kick back my leg at him but he dodges it it. "It was a compliment! I can't help it you have a nice ass."    I grab a pipe that running up the building beside the outside of the duct and pull myself out so I feet first and not head first to the ground. Tristan does the same and then we head to the parking lot where Luke is waiting for both of us. We slide into the back seat and gets put into gear on it's way.    "Everything go smoothly?" Luke asks us.    "Very." Tristan replies, sending me a wink and I smack him. Such an idiot.    "That wasn't sarcasm was it?" Luke asks now worried.    "No!" I say before Tristan can say anymore. "Everything went according to plan, in and out no troubles." Luke looks into the mirror back at us, but than back at the road... yes he is actually driving for some reason ... and just shakes his head not wanting to know. I pull the flash drive out of my boot and I zip it into the bag that Mr. Wahls will get when we get back.  The rest of the ride is quiet. Almost awkward even.    Awkward stages are happening more and more. I'm just being put into awkward situations, and I'm trying to do the right thing! I sent Luke away. We both still have our jobs. Plain and simple.    "So, tomorrow is the day." Tristan leans over closer in a whisper.    "Yeah." I reply, looking down at my knotted hands in my lap. "I'm ready to be done with that school anyways."    "Wont it be hard?" He asks, his question catches me slightly. "I mean... confronting him about it. Actually telling him you know and...yeah.."   "I'm not sure honestly, I .. ah well right now I'm not worried about that. I'm fed up with dealing with it in fact. I'm ready to move on. Get it behind me..." I respond to him as smartly as I can. "Maybe the nightmares will go away."    "Nightmares?" He asks.  Great.    "Just forget I said anything." I sigh.    "Mhhmm, fine." He leans back and away. "I'm beat man how much longer we got?" He changes the subject without a problem.    *****   Once I finish my shower and get dressed, I pull out the cell phone I was given for the Mission. I wont be needing this anymore. I press the home button, actually laughing at how I'm a teenager and I honestly hate this dumb phone. Once the screen lights up I see I have a text message. There isn't a contact though. It's an unknown number. Reading the first sentence, I pause. It's not even a message. It's a bunch of symbols and numbers. Computer Lab here I come.    Once I get there I find the correct cord I need to connect the phone to the desk top. Once it loads I get the unconding program up and running and get everything ready to go. I hit the encrypt button and give it its time to figure out the message. I should try and find out who sent the message, but I'm more interested in what the actual message is. The ding letting my know it's finished encrypting makes me jump up from the chair and click to open the now translated message.    ' We know who you are. You can no longer hide. '    I sit back down slightly confused. This is a joke. I can't believe Luke did this... wasted his time creating this! Shutting the program down, I comtemplate going and talking to Luke about it. I decide against doing that because I really don't want to see him alone. It's late, so he is bound to be in his room by himself... well actually I don't know that either. I'll just ignore it. What a waste of my precious sleeping time. Putting everything away and shutting everything down I go back to my room tossing the phone onto my desk. I turn the lights off and call it a night wishing tomorrow to hurry up.  Chapter 18 "Blaire." Mrs. Jennings voice wakes me. I flail out of bed, falling to my stomach. "Good morning,  I have your clothes laying on the dresser." Than with that she leaves. I get up with a long yawn feeling like I got maybe ten minutes of sleep. Rubbing my eyes I head to the bathroom and wash my face brush my teeth and hair. Then I come out feeling refreshed and ready.    Today is the day.    Slipping into my clothes for the day, I'm happy Mrs. Jennings gave me actual mission clothes. I got my opaque black leather leggings with the boots and a white button up shirt. I look sophisticated. I like it. I braid my hair back and head out to breakfast. I sit down next to Tessa and Natalie chatting lightly about training. Tristan slips onto the bench next to me, and the two girls across from me gap at him practically drooling.    "So, what are you girls talking about?" he scooches closer to me.    "Training.. you need something?" I ask. Unsure what is going on at the moment. He jerks his head to the left slightly and I glance at what he gestured to. A staring Luke. We both look away at the same time, and Tristan begins to snicker.    "So... you two are awfully ... close..." Natalie looks down at her tray. Jealous of course but she looks back up with a clear face. Emotion gone.    "Oh, I thought we were telling people..?" Tristan moves away looking at me, his face show obvious signs of being hurt and upset. But he has me completely confused. "Whatever."  Then with that he storms off, and all three of us are left with our jaws touching the floor.    "You and Tristan!?" Tessa leans across the table a moment later.   "No!" I blurt, "It's not what it looks like- I got to go!" I run off after him. "Tristan!?" I yell through the halls.  What is wrong with that boy!? I go to the garage guessing that is where he went.  "What in the hell man!?" I open the car door.  "I'm glad you find this funny!"   " I do actually yes, you don't seem to realize what I just did for you." He shakes his head at me after he finishes laughing. "I just helped your relationship with Luke."    "Excuse me!? You just made it 30 times worse!" I get into the car closing it so no one else can hear us. "Why did you feel the need to but in at all anyways!?"    "Ehh things were getting boring around the facility .. now things might spice up." He snort a laugh and I smack him in the shoulder and look out the window waiting to get this day over with. Besides today will be the day! Luke slides into the passenger seat with the driver and asks if we're all ready to go, and we wboth respond with a nod feeling awkard. Or at least I feel awkward because of this morning.    Once the car stops, Tristan and I hop out and head towards the doors.     "Blaire. Tristan. Wait." Luke call from the window. We both move back slowly and listen to what he has to say. "So, you're going to go to school like normal. All day infact. Then once the school is empty of all students after school is out we will be here. So, don't do anything dumb."    "Us? Do something dumb?" Tristan scoffs, "Never!" He adds, and turns heading back inside.  I tkae this opportunity to say something to him somewhat privately.    "Hey, about this morning.. there isn't anything going on betwe-"   "There isn't anything between  us either." He roles his eyes at me.     "Lu-" I peek over at the driver, "Mr. Smith.. I'm just trying to ... you know what never mind." I back away with a glare and than I turn away heading into the school and meeting with Tristan who is waiting inside for me.  "Shut up I don't want to talk about it." I turn him down before he can even say anything about Luke.    "I wasn't going to say anything..." He sighs and the rest of the walk to Anatomy is quiet. We sit at our table desk looking down at our hands in our laps. Today is it. No more worrying about doing homework... no more homework period! It might take a day or two to get used to not having to get up and go to school right away. But I am ready to go back to that life. I hate high school. Although I'm guessing that it's just because my experience here hasn't been a good one..  unlike most people.. and I came here for a month that's it. I wasn't here from freshman to senior year I hopped in right in the middle of senior year! Including I wasn't even here to learn highschool things.. I know most of it already in fact... but I came here to track down a rapist, my rapist.    "Alright packets away and clear off your desks." the teacher begins class with a quiz. I pull my pencil out, and sit up ready to just get this day done and over with. I'm on edge. I'm ready to show Cody Riker that I'm not a weak little girl anymore. I'm strong. He has no more power or control over me.    Once I finish the quiz I go up to Mr. Whiteman's desk and hand it to him. He lays it down next to his computer, and I turn away with a smile. Tristan is there right behind me... both of us the first two to finish. We both sit back down together and I stretch out taking a look around the room. Landon's eye catch mine and he is staring at me with a paniced look. He wants help. How can I help him when I'm over six feet away. I can't move closer, and he can't exactly hold up his quiz and let me see where he is at. I look away wishing there was more I could do for him. But at some point he is going to have to grow up and learn to be dependent on himself. He is a senior in high school.    The bell rings and I get out of there as fast as I can so Landon doesn't say anything to me for not even trying to help him. I stop at my locker, and it finally hits me. Today is my last day I should be turning in books or something right? Maybe I should just bring them all to class and 'forget' them there. I shake my head I'm thinking about this way to much. I throw all my things into my locker and go to class with nothing. I sit down meeting Tristan in the room. He gives me a look but I ignore him too. I lay my head down on the desk and think about how later today is going to go.    Tristan wakes me up when the bell didn't and we walk to third period together. I still leave everything in my locker calling it a day for my actual classes. The only thing I'm focused on now is when we arrest Riker. Going over different senarios in my head about what might happen, I think about how much of a surprise it will be to him. Me. Working with the government in a secret agency! Ha, now that I'm thinking about it even it seems bizzarre all these boys and girls grew up not really knowing about the brutallity of certain things in the world. But me, I know it all. Terrorist, secret operations between countries, protection details, glamorous parties, with million dollar dresses.   It will come as a complete surprise. It is the most unlikely thing that could ever happen to anyone happend to me.    "What in the hell are you thinking about?" Tristan whispers. I look up at him, he is sitting next to me like usual.    "Why?" I sit up looking at the board to see what the topic of the day is.    "You had a smirk... or like a know it all smile... or something sneaky like that ... " he replies, watching me like a hawk now.   "Oh... I wasn't thinking about anything." I shrug, "Just day dreaming."    "About Smith." He coughs, and I push him out of his chair. He fell out easily because he wasn't ready or paying that much attention. I keep my eye down as the teacher scolds him for messing around during class. He takes his seat with an apology and send me devil glares the rest of class. I keep a smirk on my face just to tease him.    ****   Tristan and I are standing in the cornner of the gym stretching now waiting for Riker to take attendance for P.E.  We're both watching him with snickers almost because we know what going to happen to him in a couple hours. I glance over at Tristan wondering if he was told everything, or just the fact that he was a rapist and he raped me.    "Tristan." I catch his attention. He acknowledges me, and I clear my throat. "Well, I was wondering how much you actually know about the case." I say keeping my voice down.    "I ah, I know that he is the guy we're arresting." He scratches his back akwardly. He doesn't know. "Is there something I should know, Blaire?"    "Oh! Well, ummm." I now I look away awkwardly not know for sure what I should say."No, I guess it okay. You know the main objective." I smile getting over it, as long as he can help out with the final out come he knows all he needs to know. We follow Riker's directions on how to play his version of kickball. It is definately intersting play kickball inside a gymnasium while with high schoolers who don't understand the concept of taking it down a knotch since we're inside.    The class goes by pretty quickly. I sulk away after the guys kick our asses. He separated us into Boy versus girl and all of the girls in the class are Casey and her friends. Meaning non of them try and are more than scared of the ball. I change quickly and head back into the gym waiting for the bell to ring. Cody Riker comes over and sits down next to me. I don't move but I don't say anything either. I feel like if I say something it will hint at whats going to happen later.    "So." He sighs leaning back against the wall, "When are you going to come over again?" He questions.    "Ahh.... I'm not sure honestly. I'm not very good friends with your siblings anymore." I admit to him. At least he gave me an easy topic.. but it's not really his business on if I go to his parents house again anytime soon.   "Really? Not even Caleb?" He chuckles, and I stand up moving away.    "Definitely not Caleb."   "I didn't mean to upset you." He stand up now as well, and walks over closer. I look him up and down, and everything about him right now is unprofessional. His body language seems to be in like seduction mode. " I guess what I was getting at was that you should come over again."   "And do what? Stand there having everyone stare at me because I'm not doing anything with anyone?" I scoff.    "We could keep it our little secret if you came over.." He looks away but than back at me. "If you would want to."    "Oh, and please tell me what we do during this secret meeting." I almost laugh.   "Anything you would want to do." He hints.    "Nothing with you that's for sure." With that I walk away, finding Tristan in the hall. I do not tell him about what just happened. I barely understand what just happened. He openly acted with me. Well no on else was around but still. Is he getting sloppy or lazy? I don't understnand but to be honest it doesn't matter to me. Just proves he is perv and needs to get brought to justice.    "Math is next..." Tristan sighs, leaning against the wall. "I'm getting tired of wasting this time." he admits.    "Yeah, that's how I've felt this entire time." I reply "Well the day is more than half over with... we're almost done." Than the bell rings and we both head off to class. We sit down and barely listen as he goes through the lesson. About ten minutes into class, the intercom turns on.    "Blaire Kennedy  please report to the office. Blaire Kennedy report to the office."  Than it turns off. I wait a second so they have time to announce Tristan's name but after five minutes, Tristan tells me to just go. Making my way down to the office. I open the door expecting Luke or Mr. Wahls but it's neither. Infact I don't recognize the person from behind.    "There she is. Please sign out than you can go." the Secretary smiles at me. I slowly go up to the desk trying to see who it is but they turn there face away once I get close. I scribble down a scribble that can pass for my name and follow the person out. I stop outside the office door though waiting to see their face.   He turns around, and I almost scream.    "Stay quiet, don't run." He pulls a hand from his pocket showing a gun. "Lets go." He jerks his head towards the door to go outside.    "You think I'm just going to go with you?" I scoff. He nods pulling the gun out farther. "You wouldn't." I question. He pulls it out all the  way grabing my arm and pulling me. Holding the gun to my head.    "I would." He snickers and I move my feet with his not wanting a bullet in the head. I keep my eyes forward, watching for other students but the halls are clear. He shoves me around the cornner to the doors that lead outside. But just as we are leaving Casey is coming inside. She left right after P.E to go get something. Now she is back. She pauses seeing what is going on a couple steps away from her.    "Oh my god!? Blaire?!" She panics.    "SHH! Don't you say anything!" He mutters moving the gun so she can see it. I nod telling her to listen. "Keep moving." he shoves me.  A car drives up ignoring all speed rules, and screetches to a hault in front of the doors.    "Tell Tristan!" I yell, as Helicopter guy opens the the school doors and the car door flies open. He swears some words shoving me into the car. I have just enough time to see Casey running through the hall, I hope she is doing what I asked.  I look around the car, men. I'm surrounded by men. "What is go-" a hand with a towel in it covers my mouth and struggle but the man next to me grabs my arms. I stop struggling knowing that I will pass out sooner. I memorizwe there faces and than my eyes go black. Chapter 19 Blaire's POV   Slowly I wake up and look around the room. I'm taped to a chair, in a room that has two chairs including the one I'm in, and a dim light that is bright enough for me to see only the chair across from me. I can't see a door or anything else in the room. I try to look behind me the best I can, but it's no use.  It's to dark for me to really see.   Stay calm Blaire. I know what I have to do. Stay calm, stay quiet, and listen to what I'm told. If need end it.   That's what we've been told to do.   I hear a creek and I assume it's a door opening. I listen as the foot step approach me, and I strain my eyes to see who it is. I lean back once the man takes his seat. It's not helicopter guy. I can't believe they kidnapped me! Who is he working for though? He was American. Is he American too?  I'll found out soon I'm assuming. I sit in the chair watching him like he is watching me. Obviously they want something from me, otherwise they would've / should've killed me already. The man has unshaved hair growing on his face and it reminds me of a scary axe guy. Although he is wear black suit pants and a buttoned white shirt with a loose tie.   Out of the blue I sneeze and he chuckles standing up and walking around me. Now I'm nervous. What is he going to do? I can't see behind me. Maybe they are going to kill me and they just wanted me to wake up before they did it.   "You are okay." His voice is deep, and his accent is strong. German. He is German. I don't say anything, I just keep watching him as he walks in front of me. I turn my neck as much as I can when he passes behind me. "I'm very happy to see that." Then the door screechs open again, and we comes to stand in front of me. Another, better groomed though, man comes in. Suit and tie looking nice.   "Hat sie etwas gesagt?" He speaks in German. I look at the ground with a smile. I know German. One of the many languages I was taught actually just like french. He asks if I've spoken yet.  The axe like man just shakes his head.  "schlug sie, wenn Sie müssen. Wir müssen mit ihr zu sprechen."     "Was möchtest du wissen?" I reply, not wanting  to get the shit beat out of me beacause I haven't spoke yet. Both the men turn to me with there mouth gapped. The professional clears away any surprise, and laughs leaving the room.  I stare after him confused. He was threatening to hit me if I didn't speak, then when I speak he leaves?   "You speak German?" Axeman questions.   "And French, Italian, Mongolain..." I trial off. "What do you want with me?"  I ask the question this time.   "No... It's not what we want with you. It's what we want from you."  He smiles sitting down now across from me again. When I don't say anything, he begins questioning who taught me German. I keep my mouth shut and look at the ground.  "If you don't cooperate, I'm going to have to become violent." He sighs, leaning back in his chair.   "You might as well kill me." I look up, "I'm not going to talk."   "Kill you?" He laughs, catching by surprise. "We aren't going to kill you! You're going to work for us." He smirks.   "Why would I do that?" I scoff. They must be crazy. They helicopter guy here. So they must be part of a rebel group. Bad Guys.   "To stay alive." He leans forward now. I try to keep my face neutral. I can't show any emotion.   "And if I don't?" I ask my voice quiet.   "Well... I'm couldn't tell you for sure. I doubt we will kill you." He pauses looking at me again. "Maybe we'd keep you around.... you seem like you would be fun to mess around with." He smirks and licks his lips. I struggle trying to break out of my chair to beat the shit out of him. How dare he even say that!  He begins laughing, and it just makes me angrier. If only he knew what I could do if I wasn't taped and tied down! He stand walking behind me, touching my hair. "I bet you're still a virgin." He snickers directly in my ear. I move away from him as much as I can, and from the force of  me moving the chair tips over onto it's side. The tied holding my back to the chair and my arms behind me snaps, from the pressure. I try to squirm out of the tie keeping my feet. But right when I get one foot loose I feel the rope tigthening back against my stomach. He is holding is from the back. I pull out my other foot, and think about how to get out. My feet are taped together and so are my wrists which are still behind my back.   "You think it would be that easy?" He laughs but his voice sounds slightly worrried.   "Yes." I reply, and swing my arms back hoping he is close to me. I strike home, right between his legs, and he lets go of the rope, and I'm able to get out of the chair. Hopping up I turn looking for something to rip the tape with, and checking on his recovery. I have another minute. I use the legs of the chair and start running the tape back and forth on it seeing if that will cut it. After a couple of seconds the tape tears and I role out my shoulders stretching them out. He is back up on his feet now and watching me.   "You're smart." He notices. I just watch him wondering what his move is going to be. "Not smart enough." He jumps at me, and I duck laying my back to the floor. He way over shot it, and I have time to rip the tape on my feet.I get up ready now to show him what I've got.    "Other way around buddy." I whisper, and he mumbles something in German and it's to quiet for me to hear. I make a run for the door, but he grabs my foot tripping me before I get there. I jerk my other foot back and hit his hand holding me back. He lets go with a gasp of pain. I get up and grab the door handle pulling it open. I peek out first making sure there isn't any guards. Then I make a choice of left or right. Left. I can see a window at the end of the hall. I make a run for it feeling the guy behind me. I get to the window, and I prayer it's only a couple stories up. I make the jump protecting my face.   I hear his scream in the background of glass cracking around me. I feel the ground beneath me right away. Thank the Lord! He is yelling for people to stop me.  I get up, making arun for it even though I'm more than likely bleeding in a lot of places and my foot is feeling some pain from landing on it funny.  I run as best as I can knowing I have more than one person chasing behind me.   "Halt. Komm hierher zurück!"  One yells in german telling to me stop. I keep going, but a couple yards in front of me is a fence. I can't tell if it is electric or not. It looks old and run down so I doubt it is.  I slow as the fence come to be right in front of me, and out of know where on the other side a giant dog jumps into the fence barking like it's  WW II. I back away frightened slightly. Now I know the fence isn't electric. Do I really want to go over there with the dog though? No.   I turn looking to see how close they've gotten to me.   The dog sounds better than these guys.  I grab ahold and pull myself up putting a foot into each of the holes in the wire.   A gun shot goes off. Startled I let go falling and my already hurt foot gets caught and stuck in the fence.  One man has made it to me, and I'm a little happy his priority is getting my foot out of the fence. Then the one with the gun comes shoving it into his coat again. Now a bunch of men are here and it takes four of them to carry me. Two of them carry each arm and leg. Making it pretty much impossible to break free, because I'm unable to jerk my way free. I get brought to a new room, hospital looking almost. They strap down  my arms and legs, and helicopter guy comes in taking my shoe off of my hurt foot.   "You should try to be more careful." He scolds jokingly. "Jumping through glass windows and fighting men three times your age." He sighs with a laugh.   "What are you doing?" I snap not wanting to sit here and listen to this. I need to get out of here.   "I'm going to check you foot. Make sure it's not broken." He replies, and moves a machine over and above my foot.  It's an X-Ray machine.   "You're a doctor?" I lay my head back against the pillow. I'm stuck. Know way I'm getting out of here with these straps.   "Nurse." He corrects me. Now, I laugh. "What's so funny. Males can be nurses too."   "It's not that." I correct him back. "You drive helicopters brilliantly, and you just happen to be a nurse. Anything else marvelous about you I should know?"  I'm still laughing.   "You'll get to know me, don't worry. I've been asigned to guard you." He pauses looking at me. I jerk my head up, he can't be serious. I practically beat the shit out of him in the helicopter. "Yep, from now on we're a team." He start looking at the ray that just loaded up onto the screen from the projector. I look as well, I can tell when something is hurt bad. "I don't see anything broken..." He speaks still looking. Another Xray from a different angle loads and there is an obvious crack in a boneright in view of sight.   "Great." I lay my head back with a sigh. This can't be happening. It could take weeks to heal that! Espicially if these people don't put a cast on it correctly.   "Don't worry." He shuts off the projector. "Week tops in a cast then maybe two days of physical therapy. You have about a week and a half to wait."   "And you guys know how to fix it... correctly?!" I question.   "Really? You doubting my skills?" He sighs. Breathing in from my nose and out from my mouth I try to stay calm about this. "I can put a proper cast on it don't worry."   "Just shut up and put the damn thing on." I breathe. This is going to be a long week.    *******   Luke's POV   "How could you let this happen!?" I grab Tristan by the collar of his shirt.   "How was I supposed to know?" He grabs my wrist trying to push me away. "This isn't my fault. It's the damn schools fault! She didn't want to be here anymore after she found out aout Riker anyways! You are the ass holes who made her stay here!"   "That was out of my control." I push againsts him and it takes him by surprise and he falls to his back side. "Why didn't you go with her? It's what you were here for?"   "Because I'm not aloud to just walk around the halls for no reason. She was the one called to the office not me." He stands wiping his pants off. "Don't sit there and blame me when you and Wahls brought this on yourselves." He threatens.  I ignore the urge inside of me to beat the shit out of him. I walk back into the office, and into the opposite room where the Riker girl is being interviewed. Because she saw who took Blaire.   "No... I mean it was so weird! This guy had a gun to her head and she was so calm!" She is shaking. She doesn't know about our line of work, she just thinks some random guy came and kidnapped her. Which is good less clean up control later on.   "What did the man look like?" Mrs. Jennings asks, yes she is the one doing the interview.   "White, with dirty blonde light brown hair. Youngish... maybe late 20's early 30's." she thinks about it.   "Eye color? Height? Anything more?" I ask.   "Smith." Mrs. Jennings speaks to me first. She turns looking at me, giving me a warning.   "Well... ummm.... brown eyes I think..." She stutters watching me now. I role my eyes looking out the door at Tristan who is sitting down in a chair in the office now. "Excuse me mister!" She snaps, "I wasn't to worried about eye color while there was gun shoved up against her head!"   "You're doing great Casey... but please... any other information will help even if you don't think it's important." Mrs. Jennings speaks in a soothing voice.  I leave sitting in the chair next to Tristan, rubbing my eyes and listening.   "I'm sorry... all I got is what I've told you." then there is a pause. "She told me to tell Tristan.. I ran to get him..." another pause. Why are we waiting! We should be out looking already. Blaire is an asset to this facility. One of our best trained marks she knows what needs to be done and how to handle herself. She is still allive. "Oh! I forgot about this." There another pause. "This is the vehicle she was pushed into. I got the plates."   "What have we got?" Mr. Wahls walks in. Just as Mrs. Jennings leaves the room. She hands over the clip board and what looks like the girls cellphone. "This is all?" He asks. "The plates, go run'em. We need her found." He demands. Tristan leave with Mrs. Jennings out to the vehicle.   "How did they find out where she was?" I stand up looking at him. "How did this happen!"   "I don't know." He sighs, scratching his chin. "She is smart. Our best trained, Luke she knows what she is doing."   "Unless they just put a bullet through her head." I scoff.   "I don't think they did that." The Riker girls stands in the doorway, listening to everything. "I don't know who you people are... but the guy that took her seemed to want her alive. That I can tell you for sure."   "Tell me," Mr. Wahls looks at her, studying her. "Was she scared?"   "No." She says flatly. "She recognized him.. or knew him."   "American... adult she knew." Mr. Wahls thinks about it.   "It's not Riker." I sigh, crossing my arms.   "Riker?" Casey asks.   "He is in the building then." Mr. Wahls is thinking.   "I don't give a shit about him right now, Sir.  We need to find Blaire." Than I leave the room, not wanting to get yelled at for speaking up. Where ever she is she s alive. She knows how to handle herself. I know it. She has to be. Chapter 20 Blaire's POV   "Thank the lord." I move my leg flexing my toes and twisting around. My cast was just cut off, and I'm good as new! "Look at that I don't even need to shave it." I try and make a joke.   "You doubted my skills." Walter sighs leaning back with a proud smirk. Walter is Helicopter guy, we've gotten to know each other the past week. "Well, lets check it out get walking."  I hop off the bed / cart and I have no difficutly with walking or running. "Well look at that, no balance off or anything."   "I'm used to this stuff." I inform him. "Not the first time I've been in a cast."   "Right... because you're a ninja trained teenage girl." He sighs, and I nod. He kept askng about my training so I ended up making up a story about me goign to s special military school for traing because I was a 'bad behaved' kid.   "Pretty much." I stretch out my arms. I look around now what are they going to do with me. I'm healed, so are they going to make me fight with them or ... I don't even want to think about what else. "Well... thanks for the doctor job." I say in a blur. Then I'm out the door running through halls again. I hear a gun shot behind me and I panic I'm in an opennarrow hall way. I feel a prick in the back of my legs, and I tumble to the ground. Seriously? He just fixed my foot. I look down at the wound feel woozy and tired. Son of btch hit me with a tranq.   *******   "This is crazy! I'm not going to shoot any one for you!" I cross my arms but my feet keep moving because I have chains attached to them dragging me along.   "I've told you.. he isn't a good guy." Walter sighs.   "Who is it? We are we hiding up here?" I ask.  It's been two weeks. They've pretty much force and threatened me to this point. Right now Walter, one German guy and myself is here in a room upstairs in a ball room building. But I have no idea where. They covered my eyes. It's a gala or a ball. As I peak over the edge of the railing I see servers running around getting last little touches ready.   "In here!" and the chains yank into a room.    "Holy shit!"  I whisper. dynamite is everywhere in this room. "Are we blowing the town to pieces?!" I ask as the door shuts behind me.    "This is precaution." Walter looks back at me with a sigh. "If you don't do the job we blow the place killing everyone."  I step back pulling against the chains hanging on my ankles. These people are crazy. Thehas to be some important party and they're going to kill everyone inside? Does that inlcude me? "So.. just do the job and no one else will get hurt."   "Who?" I ask, staying where I am at knowing these idiots they're will probably set one stick off on accident then we will all be blown to smithereens!   "Dieser mann." The German guy speaks holding up a photo.   "He isn't anyone particular.. just a man who betrayed the group thats all." Walter explains farther.   "What exactly is the group?" I ask.   "We are not terrorists." Walter sighs. "We're considered a clean up crew, for the Government whenever things get messy and a person learns to much information. We rarely are used but we've been after this guy a while now. Up until when we started tracking you down."   "You're working for the government?" I question. That makes no sense. If they were working for the Government then they wouldn't blow up all of these people just because I don't shout this one guy. "Okay..." I go along with it "I can't exactly shoot anyone from in here." I note to them. That earned a laugh.   "Follow me. We need to get set up before guests start arriving anyways." Walter walks over unlocking the chains. "If you run we blow the place." He warns I just nod. We leave the room leaving the German guy alone. I follow behind him staying back now that servers are starting to finish up. He sets up my riffle and gestures for me to get comfy. I lay down on my stomach lining up and adjusting everything.   "So... how much time do we have to get out of here once I make this shot?" I whisper once he lays next to me.   "5 minutes. There is an exit right there though. We'll be good." He replies, I take a quick look. Good. We stay silent for a little while now, and I have to give these guys some credit. First of all they have a guy who is a nurse and a pilot. They were able to get there hands on pounds of dynamite in a couple of days, and they have weapons. Good ones just like at the facility. Whether they really are military funded or not they know what they're doing.   The facility....   I wonder how everyone is doing. It's been three weeks. Luke. I lay my head down touching my forehead to the ground. I wonder if they looked for me at all. They probably think I'm dead. I might as well be working with these people.   "What's you're problem?" Walter asks. using his bonoculars and scoping out the place.   "It's been a while since I've shot a gun like this." I lie, although that isn't a lie. I haven't worked on sniping really at all. I'm more of a hand to hand combat or closer shot fighter.   "Well, don't have to hit him in the head. Kill shot that's all." He sighs, "You can do that right?" He asks getting nervous.   "I should be able to." I reply, "Depends on if this guy has guards or if he stands in a big crowd." I feel his eyes on me. "What?"   "This isn't your first time doing something like this. You're to calm, and you know what to do and how to do it. You're such a liar." He looks away now, "You're some military dog aren't you?"   "I'm a liar?" I question, "think about this buddy if you guys are working for the government why would you blow this place to dust if I don't shoot this one guy?" I catch him by surprise. "That's what I thought, but don't worry I'll do it."   "Good girl." He says and then we go back to silence. The big front doors open and couples in tuxes and gowns start to poor in. "Wait until the party is in full motion before you shoot." He whispers, I nod. No shit shooting this guy as he walks in will  get us caught. You have to do it while there are lots of people around to cause a pnaic and run around giving us a couple extra minutes to get out.   We're about a half an hour into couple still walking in. This must be like a red carpet event because there like coming one by one, and being introduced as they come. Walter next to me yawns, and I get an itch on my nose. I scrunch my face trying to get the itch to go away, and it's not working out to well. I give up, and look back down at the couples. This is the mot boring thing I have ever done. Whenever I used to do this Luke would tell jokes into our head pieces up until we needed to focus.   Luke. I miss him. I really do wonder if he misses me. If he even thinks I'm alive. Probably not. It's been three weeks and they haven't heard from me and I haven't seen or heard anything from them.   The damn itch on my nose comes back and I start scrunching my face again needing it to go away. I'm going to die here. That's it. I'm going to die because a damn nose itch wont go away. I lay my head down on the floor again hoping the cold makes the itch go away, and I listen to the announcer in the background introducing couples as they come in. I'm going to fall asleep if anything. This is crazy. I'm bored out of my mind and Walter is already snoring over there. If I fall asleep though I could fail the entire mission and I don't want them blowing the place up so we're staying awake. I wish I had that picutre though. I'm not sure I remember what the guy looked like.   He was old. White hair, with a well groomed mustache. I look back up and watch the couple walk in needing to find him and watch him all night.   "Luke Smith and his wife Tessa Smith." The announcer speaks, and my eyes fly over to the door.   This is not good.    Peaking through the scope on the riffle I zero in on the new couple who walked in.    "This is just great. Of course something like this would happen." I whisper, while watching the two of them walk in with smiles. They chat with other couples as they walk past, as if nothing seems off. But I know they are obviously here on a mission. I wonder what that could be..?    Luke in a tux! Way better than Crash. My stomach clenches seeing him here, espicially with Tessa. The beautiful italian. Her gown is tight fitted and bright red matching her red lips. Her black usually curly hair straightened and parted down the middle. The two of them together look like movie stars. The way they laugh with each other and stay close makes me sad. He has forgotten me. I should've known I was just a random girl to him. How could I compare to Camille and Tessa? I'm a ghost white girl with hair that is the color of a fire truck.   Taking my eye away from the scope and I look back over at Walter, who is still out cold sleeping. I knudge him and he shakes awake with a gasp. I hold my finger to my mouth reminding him to stay quiet.    "I need to see the picture again." I urge. He pulls it out from his breast pocket and hands it over. I didn't plan on shooting this guy, I was going to think of a new plan. But with Luke, being here I'm not taking any chances of this place getting blown up. "I'm gonne put this here for me to see." I say and he nods looking through the bonoculars at the crowd that has gathered while he was sleeping.     "There." He says and I look towards the entrance. "He's arrived." He looks over at me. "Don't mess this up toots."    "No chance." I reply grabbing the gun and aiming. "On you word." I add, keeping aim on the man.    "Give him time." He almost laughs. I close my eyes wishing I could get out of this. But I know there isn't a way. If I shoot Walter the German guy could blow the place. If I don't shoot they're going to blow the place. How can I do this? I'm going to be a murderer!    What am I saying I am a murderer. It's not like this is my first kill.    Focus.   I aim again following the man as he walks around. His date is younger, from there looks it would seem they are related. Father daughter? What a sad day for her. The itch on my nose comes back, and I scrunch my face a bunch of times again trying to get it to go away. I'm gonna shoot my nose pretty damn soon.    "Itch my nose!" I demand and Walter looks over at me like I'm nuts. "Seriously just do it. The damn itch wont go away!" Hewatches me like I'm an idiot but reachs over and rubs the brink of my nose. "Oh thank the lord!" I relax.    "Okay then.." He chuckles.    "Shut up! I can't lose focus." I scold him, and he pipes down with a muffled laugh. I'm trying to not laugh with him. It is pretty funny, I admit, that I just had him itch my nose.   "You're something else you know that?" He whispers over.    "Well whats so fun about being normal?" I question and he just nods. We sit quietly now, watching as the the party really begins. It's been a good thirty minutes since the doors have opened to let anyone else in. I watch scoping out the place, keeping an eye on not only my target but Luke and Tessa.    What are they doing here? They haven't been staying around any specific person. They don't seem to have any goal or mission. They're just here to be here. What's going on? I watch them now more closely, trying to figure out what they are doing. In a matter of seconds after I begin watching them, Tessa roles her neck and looks up at the cieling. But she looks for to long. I pull away from the gun looking up.   "Now I get it." I smile.    "What?" Walter beside me asks.    "We can't shoot him." I reply backing away from the gun. "Look up at the cieling, it has canisters of gas and flash bombs. When those drop we aren't going to be able to see anything from up here. We need to be down there close and personal." I sigh.    "How di you see those?" He asks, questioning me.    "By chance. Some one else is here wanting to do some dirty work." I sigh looking back down at Luke and Tessa.  "I need a servers uniform."    "Easy enough. Follow me." Walter praises me, and we run taking a back stair case to get to the basement where the extra uniforms are. I make him turn around as I shrug out of my clothes I am wearing and into one the the black and white butler looking suits. "Your hair will give you away." He says, once I let him turn around.    "I'll be fine." I laugh now. "I'm a ninja remember? I'm good at going undetected."    "Here." He hands over a knife. "No guns when you're down there. You might set of an alarm. But a server with a knife in her pocket shouldn't be questioned."    "Smart." I praise him now. We head to the door. "Wish me luck." I look back and he gives me a smile and nod. I open the door wishing Walter wasn't such a nice guy. He hasn't been bad or mean. But yet he is on the wrong side here. I grab a tray of drinks to help blend in and make my way over to where I last saw my target. When those canister blow, I need to be by him and get the job down before Luke and Tessa notice me. They will be expecting it and know how to protect themselves.    I find him and stand by acting as a server greating guest and serving drinks. I'm happy Luke and Tessa are on the other side of the room it makes this sligthly easier for me. I just wish I knew when this room was going to get lit up.  I need be somewhere where I can see those two so I know. I look up trying to get a clue.    "Excuse me?" I turn looking at the voice. I almost laugh seeing as it is the guy here I'm supposed to kill. "do you know where the restrooms are?" He asks his voice is kind. This is to perfect!    "Of course! Right this way. I need more drinks to server anyways." I gesture for him to follow me. He gloadly does and even keeps up small talk on the way. I show him the bathroom that is on the other side of the room, and he goes inside. I turn looking to see if anyone is watching.    I go inside.    "What on earth are you doing in here?"  he asks, and before he has time to say anything more I jump up and grab his head by his ears. But he knows how to defend him self he ducks and I loose my grip all fall back behind him. "Who are you?" He asks.    "No time for chatting." I sighs, pulling out the knife in rush. I go in trying to hit him in the stomach. He dodges and I swing my arm up in a loop. Not fast enough. Blood splatters all over me as the knife slides through his neck. "Shit!" I look at my reflection. I can't leave the bathroom looking like this it's to  obvious and noticable. I hear a loud bang from outside and I remember what was supposed to happen out there.    Now is my chance! I peek out and there is to much gas for me to really see anythibng clearly. Good. I make a dash for the kitchen with Walter is waiting. I get knocked over by a mass of bodies trying to get away.    "Really?" I push a girl off of me who also fell. I focus and try and see what is going on around me. Oh. Not good.    "Blaire?!" Tessa looks down at me.    "Who?" I stand up in a blur. I grab a guy who is running past us and shove him into her, she wasn't expecting that. I run for it. I practically dive into the kitchen. I drag Walter back into the basement so I can get out of these bloody clothes.  "We need to hurry." I throw off the shirt and vest and through on  my other shirt. I grab my pants and we make a dash back up the old stair case.    "What the hell happened?" Walter asks.   "Things got messy and complicated." Is all I reply, "Where is our get away car? If we don't have one of those we're screwed!" I know the facility has a bunch of people surrounding this place by now.    "Out the back fire escape." he says, and we get going in that direction. Out of the know where windows around the building shatter and in come more opperatives and I panic this is not good.    "Son of a bitch." I hear Walter beside me. In the corner of my eye I see him reach back into his coat pocket and pull out a small chunk of dynamite. It's only big enough to cause Grende damage and wont bring the building down.    "You can't!" I panic Luke is in here he could get hurt.    "We need to get out of here alive!" he replies pulling out a lighter.    "No!" I stop and swing up my leg I hit the hand with the dynamite and it goes flying. I try and follow it to catch it but it flies over the balcony and down to where Luke and over opperatives are. "Fudge nut!" I run trying to catch it but it's to far out. No way am I catching that. All eyes look up as the dynamite hits the floor. "Shit." I say and I smile it off and wave.    "Lets go!" Walter grabs me by the arm yanking me away from the edge.    "Don't let her leave!" I hear Luke's voice and it makes me run faster. I'm in for it now.    "Way to go get us caught." Walter yells at me.   "They wont kill me." I inform him, and he just keeps pulling me along the way. The fire escape door is in front of us. Almost outa here when the door burst in at us.    "Freeze!" We have guns being aimed at us. It's Crash and Camille.    "Funny." Walter laughs. He pulls something else out from his pants pockets and tosses it to the ground it's a gas canister.  "Move!" He pushes me into the fire escape I make a dash for it down the stairs and waiting there for us is a truck. We both hop into the back and the truck zooms away. WE break out onto the highway almost runing over Luke in the process. He look back at the vehicle that almost hit him and our eyes meet. We round a corner and that is the end of it. Chapter 21 Blaire's POV   "That's not funny!" I punch Walter. He is teasing me about never having a boyfriend. Not exactly my fault, I've been cramped up in a government controled assasin facility! I don't really have the time to chat with boys.  Although he doesn't know that.    "Once we get home Toots we're going out. You're going to meet some guys, and have some fun for the night." He leans back in his seat. We're on our way back from a meeting that Walter needed to get to. I was there as his damn body guard.  "You're 18 .... so no alcohol for you." He snickers. I role my eyes as well pull up the appartment building.    We're in New York right now. It's been over a month sense he came to the school and grabbed me up. Oddly enough Walter is a pretty cool guy, I feel that we have bonded in like a brother sister type of way. Ever since the mission with the dynamite I haven't seen Luke, and I haven't had to kill anyone, and there are no longer German people. I haven't asked Walter what that mission was about but I still wonder. It has just been Walter and I. We've been going to meetings all over the U.S, and from all I could tell they weren't about killing people.    "All I know is that I'm starving." I finally speak. He laughs and unlocks the car. Heading inside, I colapse onto my bed which is just a pull out couch. "Food?" I question him as he closes the door.    "Get changed, we're going out." I sit up, glancing at the suit case he gave me when we moved in. It's full of clothes but I've been to scared to look inside. I am slightly worried about his fashion style.  "Chop chop or I will leave without you and not bring home food."    I dash over to the bag and dump it out. Close my eyes and reach in. I pull out a black party dress. It is plain and has one strap over the right shoulder.     "Good. Go change!" He aproves. Changing and doing my make-up with the little make up he did get me. I sit waiting for him now wondering where exactly he is going to take s. I watching out the one window in the place seeing a fire escape against a brick wall. Great view right?  I go check my hair again in the microwave and I see my pale face and oragney hair.  "Are you ready?" Walter's voice echos into the room. I back away from the microwave, and look over at him.    "Well... some one is going for broke." I joke, seeing him in all his fancy guy dress clothes. He snickers at me and then roles his eyes. It just makes me laugh, then with that we head out the door and back into his vehicle. "So, where are we going?" I ask watching the traffic that passes us.    "You'll see." He smirks keeping his eyes on the road. I sigh looking back out the window again. I don't know what he expects for me to be doing exactly. He is taking me out so I can have fun and meet guys.  I am not completely comfortable with this. I don't know how to act around boys. I'll end up migrating to the cornner of the room and being a loner while there is a bunch of girls and boys hanging out and having fun.  "Alright," the car comes to a stop, "Here you are."   "You brought me to a club..?" I question leaving on my seat belt.    "It's an under 21 club. Get your ass in there have some fun make out with a guy or two maybe even a girl and loosen up Toots." He orders me. Taking off the belt and opening the door, I slip out wondering where exactly he will be going while I'm here.    Wait a second. He is leaving me alone. He wont be around me. This is my chance to get back home! Looking back at the vehicle I wave and smile and head up to the door. I show the guard looking guy the fake ID Walter had made for me.  He smiles and opens the door for me. Lights flashing and music blaring. I almost back out and run for the hillls, but if I want to be sure I can really get away I have to go in and stay here for a while just to make sure Walter doesn't have some skeem going on here. I head up to the bar, and order a lemonade. Thanking the bartender I pay, and go find a secluded area and just watch how this people my age interact with each other.   "What is a pretty thing like you doing all over here by herself?" A boy walks over sliding right into the chair across from me.    "Ah, I'm not much of a partier..?" I tell him with a shrug. He laughs running a hand through is hair. "What's so funny?" I ask crossing my arms and sitting back.   "Well, your in a teen club. Looking really hot and sexy. By yourself." He lays his elbows on the table and his eyes stare into mine. Leaning farther back in my chair, feeling umcomfortable, I have no idea what to do in this situation.   "My.. brother said I needed to interact with people my age..." I shrug, " So he dragged me here and left me."   "I see," He smiles. "Wanna dance? That woud be a good way to interact." He stands up offering his hand.    "Don't laugh." I say and he nods with a chuckle. I take his offer and he leads me out to the floor. "If I step on your toe, I promise I will buy you how ever many drinks you want." I say once we get into the thick of it.   "I'll hold you to that." He winks, and it makes me pause. He is really flirty. Not terrible looking. He is talking with me, and acting like this. I haven't been able to tell if he is being real or not. I'm usually good at judging these kinds of things. But that's with adults. Teenager are better at this kind of thing especially if they have a goal in mind. "Don't be so nervous, just kind let the music take you." He speaks getting down at eye level with me.    Luke.    He reminds me so much of Luke. The shaggy hair that is always pushed back and spiked almost. The manners and witty way of talking. He has a tall but small frame and isn't a huge football jock. He has blue eyes but still can catch your attention and stare into your soul.    This boy is actually attractive. I look down at the floor feeling a slight blush coming to my face. Taking the opportunity I close my eyes and listen, really listen to the music. It's pop. Up beat and fun. I remind myself to breathe, and I dance.    *******   I think he has other goals in mind. Things heated up quickly, and I honestly don't care. After a couple of songs I gained confidence and the music type happened to change to a more sexual dance. I went with the flow. We're both feeling it now.    "Wanna go some where a little more private?" He whispers in my ear. My back is to him, and his hands are on my waist.    "Lead the way." I reply, and he slips his finger inbetween mine. Following behind him my eyes wonder looking at other people. Teens grinding and laughing. Having a good time. This could've been my life.  Watching other couples being a weird stalker like person, I almost become jealous of these people.    My feet stop moving before I register what I'm looking at. Who I am looking at.    "What's wrong?" The boy asks me after he tugs my arm because I stopped. I shake my head, not believing the coincidence. My eyes are playing tricks on me.    "Sorry." I laugh peeling my eyes away from Tristan. "I thought I saw a friend." I feel off balance now. Was that him? It looked like it. But what would he be doing here.    "In here." The boy opens a door, and I go out and it's the back alley from the building. It wasn't him it couldn't have been.  I pull him towards me and he thrust forward, then my back is against the brick wall in the other side. His lips are attacking mine and I actually kind of like the feeling. I've only ever kissed Luke... well and I guess Caleb... but this isn't so bad.    "I'm Brendon by the way." He pulls back and his eyes seem black with the lighting back here.    "Carly." I lie, leaning my head against the wall. He slips his head down by my neck and his lips are cold. My hands run up the back of his neck and into his hair, for a split second I open my eyes, and something on the roof catches me attention. There is someone on the roof. "Hey.. Brendon there is someone on the roof."    "Probably just more people like us." He chuckles. Good point. His hands travel down to the tip of my dress skirt, and he pulls it up slightly.    Wait a minute. What am I doing!?  This isn't a good idea anymore. My eyes open again and I catch the person that is standing up there. They have a flash light now, but I can't see their face. Brendon pauses looking up at the light too.    "What is this?" He whispers.    "I don't know.. maybe we should go back inside." I offer.  Out of know where more black shadows appear and they all look down.  The door busts open and I pull Brendon in front of me, hiding my face.    "What in the fucking hell?" Tristan asks. "Scram." he tells Brendon and he doesn't hesitate. I'm still confused on the cioncidence of all of this. "Well if it isn't miss runaway."   "Tristan, it's nice to see you." I greet him, this is actually somewhat awkward.   "Where is your boy toy?" He asks crossing his arms.   "Walter?" I ask, is that who he means? "Good quetion he dumped me here for the night. You aren't going to believe this but I was going to come back. Tonight actually.. I have no idea where Walter went and I miss you guys." I admit.   "What have you been doing even. You didn't try to hard to get away did you."  He scoffs with obvious disbelief on his face.   "Walter treats me good. I wanted to know what it was like to live outside the facility. Now I have and I'm ready to come home."  I role my eyes.   "Sure looked like it... even though you had your tungue down some guys throat." Crash appears walking down the alley. "We are bringing you back but you're going to have to be brief and re-assest."   "What ever." I shrug I hold up my wrist, "Do you need to cuff me too?"   "Little Bunny has an attitude." He chuckles, and I can see he is loosening up. He believes me.   "I am sorry. But I didn't go willingly. This just kinda happened..." I sigh wishing it was easier to explain.   My body is crouching to the ground before I even realize what happened.  My eyes wonder and I see Tristan on the ground bleed from his stomache. My eyes flash towards where the shot came from. Walter? How did he know we were back here? I crawl other to Tristan and tell him to stay calm.   "You shouldn't have lied to me Toots." His voice is thick and angry.   "You shouldn't have shot him." I stand "You just made a very big mistake."   "Alive Blaire." Crash speaks, taking in the situation. I nod. I run and he aims at me but doesn't fire. I knew he wouldn't do it. I couldn't kill him either.   "I'm sorry." I apoligize and I jerk off the straight path jumping up onto one of the dumpsters. My speed catches even me by surprise and I'm already coming down doing and ariel and kicking him in the face in the process.  He falls and the gun slides from his hand. "I work for the government." I say standing aboce him. He actually smiles knowing he is in a shit load of trouble.   "You're good Toots... really good." He laughs and blood starts leaking from his nose. Crash comes over and pulls him to his feet cuffing his hands and feet. I watch as Crash shoves him into the van, and closes the door.   "What were you doing here?" I ask Crash, now watch a med team take care of Tristan.   "Tristan was put in charge of guarding an important child believe it or not." He rubs his chin.   "Where is the kids now?" I ask, was it good for them to leave this person alone?   "Already inher car on her way home. Tristan saw you in there. He let us know immediately and we sent her home." He now looks down at me, "Good to see you ... Toots."   "Don't." I say.   "I prefer Little Bunny anyways." He smirks and pulls me into an embrace. Then he leaves an arm drapped around me, and pulls me to a different car.   ******   "What happened to Riker?" I sigh sitting back, Mr. Wahls just finished his whole speech on how what I did was wrong. I could really care less I'll take my punishment and do what ever.   "We've been waiting to hear from you." He leans back. I do as well. He is still out. I rub my eyes, I need sleep. It's been a long day and tomorrow is just going to be worse. Training from dusk til dawn and gettig re-assest by Mrs. Jennings.   "I'll decide later." I stand up. "I'm going to sleep now." I head for the door. I pause before I actually open it. "And about Walter. I'd kill him, he is working with terrorist." Then I leave him just like that. Walking through the halls I slowly start to think about that little time I had outside. I really didn't like it. I missed this place and the people here.   My skills were being wasted out there walking around protecting a man who maybe is a terrorist. I've been treated better then others, but I know that I am better than others. I'm not trying to sit here and brag about myself. But the past couples months have really taught me some things. Not only about myself, but the world and the facility.   I reach my room after the 5 minute walk from his office. Ready to sleep in my bed. My heavenly bed. I miss my  room and honestly my shower too. I miss having my own place, since the past while I've been sharing with Walter.  Pushing open the door, I sigh feeling my shoulders droop as I see the clean and pristine white walls and the light wooden furniture. Making a B line for the bathroom, I marvel at my my shower and finally not having to rush so I don't waste water. Of course I take fast showers to begin with, something you pick up quietly with how many shower you might end up taking in a day. Not wasting any of my time, I turn on the water and go out digging into my dresser grabbing clean clothes and bringing them into the bathroom.   I love when you open the bathroom door after a shower. How the steam that has built up roles out of the room. I take in a deep breath feeling the minty coolness. I feel so much better now.   "Hey." I greet Luke who is leaning against the wall over by the door   "Hey." He replies. This is awkward. Has he been waiting for me this entire time? How long has he just been standing there? All I know is that I'm not speaking first. Obviously if he came here he has something to say. So he needs to talk not me. Now with him just leaning there against the wall looking at the floor and not speaking it's making me feel like I need to be the first one to say something. I wont.  We stay like this for 5 minutes, yes five minutes I watched the clock, and finally I break.   "It's nice to see you again." I move closer to my bed sitting down.  "What do you want Luke? I'm not really in the mood for another interegation."    "I wanted to make sure you were really okay." he sighs getting somewhat rigid. He stands moving from the wall.  "You're fine." He heads for the door. I role my eyes and lay back. That's not what he wanted to say.... I think. I hear the door shut and I turn into my pillow yelling into it.  Life sucks ass hole sometimes.  Chapter 22 Blaire's POV    Training... yipee! With Luke even too. I wonder what this is going to be like... it has been awhile since I last trained and I honestly don't think Luke is in the mood to take it easy. Not that he should of course.  I forgot how gorgeous he is. Perfect bones structure and his pink lips.    "Earth to Blaire." He sighs, "I get it you don't want to be here. But you are so ..."    "Whats?" I ask. What gave him that idea? Of course I want to be here! I missed him so much! Instead of nightmares I had dreams or us! But I don't want to tell him that... for a couple of reasons. "I want to be here Luke."    "Mr. Smith." he corrects me and I stop looking over at him. Really? This is what this has came to? "Get started on your lap." He gestures and with that he turns and walks away from me. I do as I am told not wanting to upset him anymore. On my way I get looks from other girls and managers. This is great. I hear whispers and snickers. I'm not stupid. I finished the laps and see if Luke ... Mr. Smith is any where to be seen. He is over by Tessa and Natalie. Having a great old time laughing and smiling.    Fuck This.    I head for the door.    "Bunny where you storming off to?" Crash appears. "Trouble in paradise?" he chuckles.   "Crash-" I begin,   "Nah I wouldn't worry about it you two always fix things anyways. He is just a little mad that you left him, and I think he has it in his head that you've been shaken up with guys while you were away." I stop looking up at him, I'm guessing that is his doing. He must've told him about Brendon that random guy. "Not my fault! He talked with Walter."    "Crash. Not now." I walk away. Walter. I forgot he was here. I change into clean clothes and head to the interogation rooms. Sneaking into the wing of the facility I look for his room. The door isn't locked. Deep breath. Okay I can do this.    "Well hey Toots. Where ya been? Thought I would of seen ya sooner." He sits up seemingly happy to see me. "I knew you lied to me about your skills... but I had no idea about this place. Pretty snazzy."    "Cut the shit Walter." I sit down across from him. "I'm here for answers."   "I'm surprised you didn't ask sooner." He smirks and leans over the tabls laying his cuffed hands on it. "Well... it started that day on the roof..."    ****   It's been a long day. To long for my liking. I got all my answers from Walter, and now Mr. Wahls and Luke and whoever else can go back and watch it and get all their answers too.    Luke. He is beyond mad at me. I'm guessing to the point where he doesn't want to see or talk to me anymore mad at me. Part of me is mad too. He should have at least given me a chance to explain. You know what? I'm going to explain ... or try at least. I go to his room but before I do anything I think about this. Is it worth it? Will he listen?  I have to try.    "Luke hey I want to talk to you." I knock. There is a quiet moment. Maybe he isn't in there. It is 11 o'clock though. "Mr. Smith?" I try that instead. Maybe he is that mad at me. The door swings open in fast motion and it catches me be surprise. Well, here he is. Standing shirtless in front of me. "I'm sorry.. .were you sleeping?" He just shakes his head. Something is off. "Oh... well can I come in? I really would like to talk to you." I feel all embarassed now almost scared even.    "Now isn't a good time." He sighs. I let out a breath. I should have just left it alone. No. You know what, I'm not just gonna roll over for him because he asked or said so. I need to explain. I want to explain.    "Will ever be a good time or are just going to ignore me from now on?" I ask. He sighs, and is getting shakey. What is going on.    "Blaire not now. Some other time okay." He peeks into his room and than back out at me. His room. What's going on? "Goodnight." He sighs already closing the door. I push in the other direction and the door slips from his hand.    "Oh." I'm taken back. "I ... ah.. I'm sorry." I back up. I feel tears.    "Blaire .. I can expla-"   "It's okay." I walk away. As fast as I can. Once I'm around the corner I run. I should have just left it alone.    "Blarie! Wait! Please!"     Millions of questions are going through my head. None of them that I can answer. I don't want to answer any of them! I pushed him away that much. So much that he would sleep with another girl. The tears are pouring out and I don't really know where I am anymore from all the turning and not paying attention to where I am. I stop wiping my eyes and thinking about everything. He really hates me. I find my way back to my room. I sit on my bed. still wiping away tears. Throwing my shirt and pants on the floor and heading for the bathroom I decide a nice shower will relax me and let me think clearly.    So, the shower idea was a bust. Didn't help me at all. In fact I feel even more mad now. I'm sweating from taking ahot shower and the redness on my face from crying will not go away. Maybe i should work out of something. Do something to get this anger out. Throwing back on my training clothes from earlier I head to the training hall. No one is here. All of the lights are off even. I turn on one switch and it lights up the place enough for me.    I work on everything. Climbing, shooting, running, ETC. It actually feels good being in here alone. No one else to wait in line for no else to judge me. Peace and quiet. I can focus.    After cleaning everything up and putting away the materials I used, I sit down and think again. Did he really mean it? Does he hate me now? I bet that isn't the first time he has had a girl in his room with him. I was a fool to think he had any feelings for me. Of course he wouldn't. I'm like a little girl toy thing to him.    I don't want to dwell on this. I want to forget him. ... That's hard to do when you're wickedly in love with someone. I get up and go outside. Running more might help. I start off slow, but my mind wonders and I speed up. Why is this so hard, It's like I made up the entire thing in my head.  I'm suchan idiot.    "Son of a bitch!" I yell laying flat on my face. I stay on the ground feeling the pain from smacking the ground so hard. One of these days I'm going to cut the root up. Even a damn tree root  can get the best of me. Tears a rolling down my face again. I just lay on the ground crying and thinking about everything.    ****   What in the hell was that? I sit up and rub my eyes adjusting them to the bright light. I let out a breath, looking at the grass around me, I fell asleep out here. Slowly, I get up my body feels a little stiff and sore but what can I expect. I did a full workout yesterday and I ran around like a crazy lady for over an hour. I am hungry though. I need to shower first. I make it to my room without anyway saying anything to me. I shower and change into shorts and a t-shirt and throw my hair intoa braid. Once I feel like I look presentable I head out keeping my head down and my mind on training again today. The cafeteria is booming right now and I almost turn around, but I decide to grab a banana and eat it on the way.    The lunch lady chats with me for a while and it brightens my spirit slightly, but once we say our goodbye I rush towards the door. I don't want to see Luke. I don't want to see anyone for that matter.    "Hey." a girl slides in front of me. I don't know her. Or I do. She was in Luke's room last night. "About last night..."   "I don't care. I wont say anything." I interupt, and she nods but stays in front of me.    "Actually thats not it." She smirks, and I look up at her wondering what she wants. "I was wondering how it feels knowing he doesn't care for you at all?"  I here people yelling and my weight falling before I register what exactly happened. I jumped her. I'm smacking the shit out of her. She deserves it.    "Put me down! Let go of me!" I yell  kicking against Crash who is pulling me out of the room. He lets go of me outside the  cafeteria.    "What the hell Blaire?"  He questions.    "Nothing!" I turn away and head for the training hall.   "That was not nothing!" he demands to know what just happened.    "None of your concern. Leave me alone!" with that I storm away leaving him standing in the hall confused and angry. I go inside opening my locker and grabbing out my head phones I rarely ever use. Plugging them in and going over to the climbing wall, I think if what just happened what a good thing. Well, obviously it wasn't. But was it smart to do that when I'm already being watched?    I'm an idiot. She wanted to piss me off and more than likely she wanted to get me in more trouble. Now pretty much everyone here is going to think I am some unstable little girl who needs help. Maybe I do need more help. Maybe Luke was to nice with me and I lost the decipline I need. I stop thinking about things again. Which is a bad idea but I can't help it.     There must be some truth to that. Luke wasn't hard enough on me and now I'm acting out. No, it's all on me. It's all my fault for getting these feelings for him and thinking I was something special to him. I climb down and head for the door. I can't help but glance in Luke and Natalie's direction while walking past them. On my way out I also pass that girl again and she smirks at me ready to go another round.    "You must rea-"   "That's enough." Crash is there in the blink of an eye. "Get going Britt." He shoos her away. "Were you really going to fight her again?" He asks.   "What's it to you?" I head towards the door again. "Are you watching me now or something?" I ask knowing he is following behind me.    "I'm a little worried yes." He admits. I turn around grabing the door before is closes.    "Well, don't be." I leave closing the door. My fist are clenching and unclenching as I go. Crash seems more worried than Luke. I shake my head who would've thought.   *****   I decide that I will actually eat supper after skipping lunch and breakfast. Going inside, and going through the line I take a seat in the cornner with my free reading book from school that I still have. I ignore the stares that I can feel, and try to tune out peoples voices not wanting to here any of it. Once I finish eating I dump my tray grab my book head for the door.    "Oops!" I hear and then there is a plate full of beef stew, corn, and apple sauce all over me. "You should maybe watch where you're going a little better."    "You know what Britt." I sigh, my eyes look around at everyone watching us now. Luke is making his way towards us and so is Crash. "This isn't a competition. It never was. You can have him." I look at Luke. I can see he heard what I said. I turn not wanting to be standing in front of everyone anymore.    "Blaire..."  I hear him and it makes me walk faster. "Stop. Please." I don't. I feel his hand grab my wrist and I pull it away, and look at him. I'm not crying yet but I can feel it coming on. "Just let me explain."    "You don't need to explain." I speak to him. "You're a grown man and you can make choices for yourself. It has nothing to do with me." I start walking away again.   "I want to explain." He grabs my hand again.    "I don't want to hear it, Mr. Smith!" I say turning again. "I don't want to hear another word from your mouth. I'm done doing this with you." I pull my hand from his.    "Blaire, please jus-" He seems to be getting more upset. "I didn't want to hurt you... I .." he reaches for me. I back away. Feeling tears coming up but I hold them back. I'm not crying right now.    "Don't touch me." I breath. "I mean it. Stay away from me." I turn away, and head down the hall slowly. If I run I might run back to him. I go back to my room, turning on the light and see Crash sitting at my desk. I pull my shirt off, it's filled with food and at this point I don't exactly care that he is in here.    "I heard some of what went down between you and Smith." He tests the waters.    "Not now." I say, searching through my dresser for a shirt.    "You realize you're going to see him. He is your manager." He replies. I close the drawer and lean against it feeling the tears finally now coming out.  "Come here." He sighs. To my surprise as well as his, I run over to him squeezing as tightly as I can. "What happened Bunny?" He whispers holding me. For once he is actually being the good guy.    "I just... I wish I didn't feel this way about him." I sigh. "I'm sorry... I really shouldn't be dumping this on you."    "Hey I came here on my own. I knew something was up. I'm just making sure you're okay. You've been through a lot the past couple months."    "Thank you." I say a couple minute later. My crying as stopped and I feel kind of slightly better. "For this place not being a high school there sure seems to be a lot of drama." I rub my eyes. "Really.. though. Thank you Crash." I look up at him.    "No problem." He is looking down at me. He is so tall. Maybe even two feet taller than me! "Are you sure you are o-"   I had to cut him off. I don't want to talk about it.    I want to get even.    We're kissing. First time for everything. I'm on the tip of my toes, pulling him down towards me. I never thought I kiss Crash. Espicially under these circumstances. Well actually these circumstances are what got us to this point. He doesn't seem yo quite understand what is happening, and frankly neither do I.  He catches on eventually and his hands go from my waist to my thighs, and he lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, running my hands through his hair.    He walks with ease and I fall feeling my back against my bed. I move my hands down from his hair to his neck to his chest to his stomach to the hem of his shirt. Slowly moving my hands under his shirt feeling his sculpted muscle. I've admitted it before that he is built very well. Good looking and all. But the personallity is what gets me. I'm not sure where all this kindness he is showing is coming from but I'm not going to complain. Unless he is doing it so I'll do this? What exactly am I doing? How far is this going to go?   I'm having fun. I'm forgetting Luke. Isn't that all that matters?   He pulls his head first, and I pause wondering if he is going to say something. It's quiet at first, both of us just looking at each other. A little smile starts to appear on his lips.    "What?" I ask. This is somewhat killing the mood.    "You're just using me." He smirks now, "To get back at Smith?"    "Maybe." I run my hands across his abdomine. "Does that bother you?" I ask, pulling his shirt up. He sits up and pulls off his shirt.    "Nope. Use me all you want." He ducks his head kissing my neck, and moving closer to me. He was holding himself up before but now we are body to body. Both of us gain a grinding motion against each other, getting a little hot and bothered now. "I just want you to know." He pulls up, "You can tell me to stop when ever."  He is serious.    "Killing the mood a little here." I sigh, with a smile. For some reason this Crash is different. Maybe it's just because I'm giving him a little action. "Crash, I really don't want to go all the way." I admit. "I don't want to stop though either."   "Then we wont." he kisses me again, and we go right back to making out like the isn't anything going on around us. The longer we go the more steamy it seems to get for both of us. I've got to admit he knows what he is doing. More than likely because he spends a lot of his time doing this. Our bodies move together, getting more and more intense. My body is actually getting slightly excited, and I wonder if I shouldn't just go all the way. It's not like it matters anymore. I wonder how many girls Luke has been with this entire time. A moan slips through after I lose focus and think about Luke.  It doesn't seem to phase him, and we just continue making my bed a mess.    "We should stop." He moves from my lips to my neck. "It's starting to get to me."  he says between kisses.  I know what he means, I can feel it. My face flushes feeling him against me. He doesn't stop though, he doesn't and neither do I.    "Crash..." I hesitate. He gets back up on his elbows removing his body from mine. He keeps his lips on me. "I'm not ready.. .. I .. I  I'm sorry."    "I need your bathroom." He whispers.    "Yeah... of course." I say, with a quiet laugh. He is up and in the bathroom in two seconds. I sit up, getting my breath under control. I run to my dresser and throw on a shirt. I look around seeing it is pretty clean just some clothes on the floor. I run a hand through my own hair wondering how long he is going to take in there. I'll admit I'm curious but not curious enough. I don't hear anything either. Although I'm guessing that this is something he does often as well. I get up picking up his shirt, just as my toilet flushes and I hear the sink running. I shake it out to get rid of wrinkles, and then he pops out of the door.    "Here." I hand him his shirt. He takes it and shoves it back on. "I ah.. I don't know what to say." I admit feeling my cheeks heat a little.    "Don't say anything. This was fun." He smiles. "Any time Bunny, I'm here for you." He kisses my cheek, and says good night. I watch him as he leaves, and I shake away any thoughts of pulling him back in here and finishing what we started. I hope no one else was out there and saw him leave. I go into my bathroom, and I take apeak around making sure there isn't any sign of maleness in here. Nothing. He cleaned up. I turn on my shower, and take a good hour long one cleaning up and catching my breath and thinking about what I just did.   Well shit. Chapter 23 Blaire's POV   The cafeteria is busy again. I kind of slept in this morning. I was tired after my shower last night. I know why too. I go through line grabbing yoghurt, eggs, and a scoop of streawberries.  I sit down at the table I usually sit at with Luke and the girls. None of them are in here though. I decide to eat quickly just in case of any them to come inside.    "So." Crash slides into the seat across from me. "I was thinking."   "Oh boy." I look down at my tray, wondering what this is about.    "We should hang out more often." He wiggles his eye brows, and I roll my eyes. Of course. "Hey hear me out. I'm guessing you feel a little better then you did yesterday. You got out some frustration and anger... see this is like a win win situation."    "Except you don't win anything... well unless hanging out by yourself in my bathroom for 5 minutes is fun for you."  I remind him.    "Still worth it." He chuckles. "Think about it." He gets up, and walks away. I shake my head. He is unbelievable. I notice though as he leaves Luke comes in. Time to go. I take one more bite of my eggs, and rush away from the table and his site. I go to the training center, going to the firing range. I close the door and load up my gun and I set the level I want the targets to be at. After getting through a couple of magazines, I decide to move on. I head out and walk over to put the gun away. I open the door and put everything away correctly and clean everything the way I was taught. Leaving the gun room, I glance around. It's louder in here today. More people obviously. As my eyes wonder they land on Luke. He is with Natalie and Tessa now. They seem to be just fine. I'm a little surprised that Luke hasn't tried talking to me, but yet he is probably giving me space which I also appreciate. Just how much and for how long? Am I still mad at him now that I techinically got back at him?   My eyes must be desieving me. That Britt girl just walked over to them. I wish I could hear them. I can't so I just stand and watch as she pulls him to the side. They're standing close enough. She is smiling and being all flirty. But I can't see Luke he facing the opposite way. It irritates me. She touches his hand, and he doesn't seem to pull away or mind. I blink rubbing my eyes. I don't care! I look away. I am such an idiot.    "If it helps any, I don't think he actually likes her." Crash appears by my side.    "Are you just watching me now?" I ask looking up at him.    "No. But I just happened to see those two and I knew you would be watching them so I came to find you." He watches them with me now. "Yeah, I think he is just using her because you two are fighting."   "We weren't doing anything. I've done more with you than I have him." I admit. "I don't know I don't care either."    "I think you do. Hey just stop by my room later. We can talk."   "And do a something else... I don't think so." I sigh. "One time thing bud."    "Awww Bunny."  he now looks at me. I could just push you into the room behind us and have my way with you."    "But you wont." I walk away with that not wanting to see anymore. I head to the tech lab and work on hacking. He must really be full of himself to believe that I would want to do that again. Not that I didn't like it or have fun but I'm kind of but not really starting to regret it. I don't know what to do anymore.  I hate this entire thing. I'm used to having Luke to talk to! Now he is the one person I'm trying to avoid. I lean back in the chair, wishing I had other things to do. I usually waste time with Luke or have school recently. But neither of those things is happening anymore.    I get up and make my way outside. I'll get some fresh air and go for a little stroll. I make my way into the trees walking this time so I don't trip over that root. I hear people talking. Who else is out here? I guess this is also part of the training center but usually no one is out here. It peaks my interest. I follow the voices that are barily audible, but I get to the clearing area and recognize the two of them instantly.    Luke and Britt.    "I'm never going to be able to do it." Britt complains.    "You will to. You have to keep practicing and believe you can do it." Luke sighs sitting on the ground. "We're not leaving this spot until you do it."   "Hard ass." She sighs.    "Hey you wanted a teacher." He smirks. "Now keep trying."    He is training her?! She isn't even his mark! Sleeping and training. That's what the two of them have been doing. I feel anger again. Why isn't he working with Tessa or Natalie!? I watch a little longer trying to understand exactly what is going on.    "You know... I could use some help. Like give me a reason to sit here and do this." She stops looking at him with a look that is easily recognizable. "Motivation." She walks over to where he is sitting.    "Like what?" he sighs. "Because being a good mark isn't motivation enough?"    "Mhhmmmm, no." she bites her lip, and sits next to him. "Come on, you know what I want."    "No." he says flatly. "I told you that none of that ment anything."    " No it only means something if I have red hair and have a fiery attitude." She stands.    "Don't bring her into this." Luke stands.    "God you make it obvious." Britt stands with him. "Blaire doesn't want anything to do with you, I am here. Why don't you even give me a chance?"    "Britt I promised to help train you. This is not what I signed up for. I'm not going to waste my time-"   "I wont waste your time. Come on Smith. You can have me whenever you want, do what ever to me whenever. Doesn't that sound better then having to deal with a .. .child?" he sighs rubbing his eyes.  "It doesn't have to mean anything, unless you want it to." Another pause. "Besides she obviously doesn't care about you. Think about all the guys she was probably with while out exploring the world. Instead of being here with you?"    "That's enough." He turns towards her. "Stop talking about her please."    "I can stop talking altogether." She moves in close and lightly touches her lips to his. I turn I don't want to watch anymore. I get through the forrest and make my way to Mr. Wahls' office. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. I knock on the door.    "Come in." He replies, and I go inside starting to shake.  "Blaire, what can I do for you?" He asks, sitting up intrigued at my being here.    "Sir," I clear my throat. He is watching me with intensity and it's making wonder if this is the right choice. "I would... I mean. If it would be possible..." I pause.   "Yes?" He asks, his eyebrows forrowing.    "Can I please transfer to a different manager?" I blurt. He leans  back unsure if he heard me correctly.   "Are you sure this is what you want?" He questions. I nod. "This isn't just some ploy for you and Smith to be able to be together is it?" He dares to ask.   "No!" I step forward. I want to explain but I decide I probably shouldn't. "I was... I am just wondering if that is a possibility." I finally say something.    "Well, sure." He rubs his temple. "Here," He pulls out yellow slip and fills out a couple of things. "Sign here." I do as I am told. "Mr. Smith does have to sign this as well." He mentions.    "Of course." I nod.    "Alright. Just drop this off at his room then and I'll see what I can do." I thank him and leave looking down at the slip filled out for a complete switch of manager roles. Deep breaths in and out Blaire. He is more than likely still outside anyways. I knock and don't hear a voice. I open the door and look inside. The shower is running. They must be inside already. He is probably muddy from rolling in the dirt. I lay the slip on his dresser where I  know he will see it. Then I run like the wind out of there. I head straight to my room and wish I could lock the door.    I hope this is the right thing to do.   I'm feeling regret now.   Oh god.   What have I done? Chapter 24 Blaire's POV   It's really hot. I feel drenched in sweat. My limbs ar heavy.    Or someone is practically laying on top of me! I turn around the best I can to get a look at the culprit.    Luke? What is he doing here? What is going on. I move around so I can get out from under him, but it seems to wake him up as well.    "Sleep." he mumbles opening his eyes for a split second. "Talk in the morning." he mumbles the last part. I lay back down not wanting to argue or ruin what ever momment this is.I lay back down away from him though. This is awkward for me now. "Come here." he whispers, and I turn around his eyes are open again. I don't move. This is surreal!    "You must be nuts." I whisper.    "Blaire." my blanket moves, and his arm wraps around my stomach. He pulls our fronts together. "I'm an idiot and a jerk and an asshole and a douche and I miss you." He whispers.  Our noses are almost touching.    "Okay." I say holding my breath. I can tell that is not what he wanted me to say. "Go back to sleep." I turn away from him and scooch away. His arm is around me again and pulling me back. This is going to get tiring.  "Mr. Smi-"   "Blaire." He interupts me. "Just give me tonight. You can go back to hating me tomorrow." I feel his forehead on my neck.  "I need tonight. I need you. Please."    "What about Britt?" It slips out. "I saw you out in the woods today... yesterday.. whenever that was." I turn facing him now. I want to see his face.    "Nothing happened. You came at just the right time. You stopped me from making the biggest mistake in my life. Blaire I pushed her away. If you saw you would know that." He whispers.    "I didn't stay long enough." I look away.    "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so hard on you. I know that. I guess I just... I got scared and I thought I lost you. I don't want to."    "I have to tell you something." I sigh, "Since we are getting things off our chests." he looks at me, and his eyes are watery. "The other night... when we got in that fight in the hall... Crash came to my room after." I stop.    "What did you do?" He asks, he sounds choked almost.    "We only kissed... really kissed... but we both had clothes on and it didn't mean anything! I did it because I wanted to get back at you... because I was upset and mad. Jealous that you were maybe sleeping around."   "I haven't had sex with anyone since you became my mark." He whispers quieter then ever. I look him in the eyes, not understanding. "I haven't wanted anyone.... but... you." He looks away. I look up at the cieling. I can't believe this is happening now. He seems so little. So lost like a puppy.    "I haven't ever slept with anyone." I say and he chuckles for a quick second. "Luke." I test the waters on his name again. "Why did you come here tonight?" I ask.    "I got that yellow slip... I signed it at first. I thought that maybe that would be good for both of us." He stops. "Then I wanted to talk to you about it. I thought about all our times together. I don't want to stop having those times. I don't want to lose you as a friend-" I close my eyes, friend. I'm just a friend. "- It made me realize that I've been hiding behind the other girls, and I avoided you whenever I felt we were getting to close. Then I saw you at that school... with boys your age... being normal. It scared the shit out of me."  He stops and he pulls ahand out from under the blankets and wipes away some of my hair that was in my face. "I finally thought about everything. All of the things we've been through. Everything. I went back through my memories all the times I almost kissed you, but decided not to. All the times that I was in here just make sure you didn't have another nightmare."    "Luke." My heart is pounding. "What are you saying?"  His eyes flicker with tears pooling in them. He doesn't say anything though. Now he is looking away from me. He removes his arm from my side and lay down on his back. "So?" I ask my throat feeling tight. I just want to hear him say that he cares about me. I kind of got the feeling it was a lot more then caring after his whole speech he just gave me, but he isn't saying anything now. After another minute of silence, I wipe away my one tear that slipped out. I shouldn't have asked.    My heart is beating so damn fast, and my chest is compressing. I feel sick, and with the wicked beat going on I litterally feel like my heart is breaking and my chest is going to explode. I try to calm myself, but I can't. I keep my tears locked up. But I can't control the rest of me. As I lay here in my bed, I finally understands what people mean when they say they got their heart broken. I don't like this feeling at all.    "I get it." I finally speak again. He practically flinches from my voice in the silence. "You're just a worried manager... you didn't want anything bad to happed to your best mark." Still holding back tears, I get up from my own bed. He turns on his side again, now watching me.  The pool of tears still glowing in his eyes, and a tenseness in his face. I don't want him to see me cry. He can't know I'm breaking inside.    "Of course I was worried." His voice is raspy. I close my eyes. He is lying to both of us. I can tell that this is more it has to be more! I did not just make all of this up. That fact that he can't even admit it to himself, shows me though how one sided this might truly be. "Blai-"   "You're just doing your job." I try to put on my best smile, but I feel tears just streaming down my face now. "I ahh... I'm just going to get some fresh air." I turn and inch towards my door. I walk as normal as I can so I don't seem like I'm angry or upset. I'm am positive he can tell I'm crying though. I hear him rushing to get up and it worries me. What will he do? Just leave and go back to his room? Will he try to stop me and talk to me more?    I don't give him the chance. I make a run for it. I hear his one plea for me to stop and come back, but once I round the cornner I'm running so fast the doors in the hall fly by in blurs. I don't think he is following me. I can't hear his voice yelling for me anymore. He might show up outside. But I can't go back to my room either in case he is just waiting for me to come back. I should have just kicking him out of my room, it is my room!    "Crash open up." I knock lightly, and lay my forehead against the door. My body feels drained. Practically numb. My arms are tingling and I'm so tired I start to doze when he opens the door. "Shit." I panic, but I catch my balance.    "You realize it is ..." He looks away, to something in his room. I'm assuming a clock. " ... 3:22 in the morning?"  He asks, with one eye open and the other closed. I woke him up. Of course I did.    "I want to sleep with you." I waste no time. He stands up straight all of a sudden awake and I feel all the color in my face fall to my feet. "No! I didn't mean it like that!" I hold up my hands, now this is awkward. Great just great. "You know what... nevermind." I sigh and my arms fall like limp noodles.    "Come on." He sighs, laying a hand on my shoulder. "I even have an extra blanket so we don't have to share." He pauses gesturing for me to come inside. I take two slow timid steps and pass the thresh hold into his room. "Or we can share, you know get all tangled together." I look up at him with a slight smile and hit his chest in jokingly matter. He gives me a wink and I look away with an eye role. I watch him as he walks over to another door, that he opens up to be a cloest. He pulls a blanket down from the top shelf, and hands it to me once he is close enough.  As if nothing is different he walks back over to his bed, and lays back down.    I get settles on the other side, thanking Mr. Wahls for giving everyone double beds. I lay my head on the pillows, and it surprises me how soft they are. They don't feel used at all. I just figured they would be wore down from all the other girls that have slept in here with him I guess. Shaking my head I regret going there because now I feel gross laying on his bed.    "Thank you." I whisper, glancing over my shoulder at him. He is laying on his back, both arms are at his sides. He is out cold. Sleeping. Turning back over, I start to count sheep trying to see if that will put me to sleep. Not working at all. I sit up, and rub my eyes. Maybe this was a bad idea. I feel so awkward with him already sleeping next to me. I clear my mind the best I can and think about sleep. I need this sleep. Sleep... sleep...sleep.   Crash and I are both up and out of bed listening to hear exactly what alarm is going off. I look around for a clock, it's 4:14. Not much sleep. I rub my eyes and head for the door.    "Gas leak?" Crash questions. "Come on." He leads the way. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be going from his room. He opens the door and the hall is packed with people already who are shuffling to get to open air. He grabs my hand and tugs me forward butting into the croud. I grip his hand so I don't lose him even though I really could just follow the rest of the people. We make a turn that no one else is making and I ask him where we're going. All his reply is is trust me.  I do.  We make another turn, then another almost right away. I look around him and see the crowd again. But now they're going outside through the doors to get to the outdoor training center.    "Smart." I gasp surprised. "Although was this really a faster way out?" I question.    "Trust me. It is." He smiles showing his pride on his chest. Once we're outside we stand and wait to hear from Mr. Wahls.  "So while we're awake and have nothing to do... you feel like talking about it?" he asks running a hand through his hair.    "Not particularly. No." I sigh looking around. Where is Luke?    "Fine then I'm going to take a guess." He crosses his arms, leaning against the fence behind us. "Since you couldn't stay in your own room... Smith was there... and you two got into another fight. Hows that?"    "Spot on." I look away, but they way he said does make it sound obvious. "Very perceptive." I sigh, taking in the fresh air. "I probably should go back to my bed though after this. Thanks for letting me .. crash .. Crash."    "Any time Little Bunny." He lays a hand on top of my head and ruffles my hair. "You are welcome any time."    "Alright we've got the problem all solved and fixed. Just a leak from the kitchen. Nothing to worry about. Everyone can head back to their rooms now." Mr. Wahls' voice booms from the speakers. "Great job everyone." He adds, and then there is a click from the microphone being turned off.    Crash and I head in different directions once we're back into the building. The halls are still crowded and it takes me a lot longer then usual to get back to my room. I open the door and my light is on. There he is. Still here sitting on my bed. His elbows are on his knees and his face in his hands. I pause. I really didn't think he would come back to my room. I almost turn around. I am not readt to see him. And I am for sure not ready to talk to him yet.    "Where did you go?" He whispers, but doesn't move an inch. "Answer me, honestly. Where did you go?" He speaks again, but this time his arms fall and he looks me dead in the eyes. The pool of tears gone, now replaced with and obvious anger. He already knows where I went. Air is caught it my throat. I want to go running for the hills. But I can't. He eyes have me trapped here. I'm not going anywhere.    "You know the answer." I finally am able to wheeze out. He looks away now shaking his head in disapointment.    "I bet you had a bunch of fun." Now he is laughing. Not a funny type of laugh.    "How dare you." I gasp. My voice strong and angry. He looks up again but now with confusion. "How dare you assume things like that. How dare you sit there and judge me for wanting to get some fucking sleep. How dare you be mad at me when you are the reason I went to Crash's room to begin with!" I'm yelling. I'm walking towards him. "I want you out of my room." I say, deciding that is all I should say before I say something I shouldn't.    "You expect me to believe you went to his room and just slept?" He speaks with laughing tone.    "Believe what ever the hell you want to believe." I reply before he has time to add more. I'm not even going to sit here and try to convince him. I feel my braverly slowly slipping. Now I'm tired again. Heartbroken and I'm about to explode. He really thinks that low of me.  "You're not a fool. I know that. But I didn't realize you were this dumb." I sigh walking towards my bathroom. I'm done arguing with him.    "Now I'm dumb?" He stands up.    "Yes!" I blow up at him. Turning around and catching him by surprise. "You're dumb enough to think that I would actually do something with Crash!" MY chest is rising and falling so fast I don't think I'm actually getting any air. Forget holding back tears, becasue now they are falling like a waterfall. "You are an idiot for coming to my room and saying such... such... such things like you said! Espicially when you and I both know that you are lying to yourself!"  I pause. Shit. To late. No going back. "You're an idiot, Luke." I say quietly now. "Because you knew exactly how I feel about you."   "Blaire.."    "I love you." I whisper, "And you broke my heart."  I finish. "Now please.. just go." I turn away from him and wipe my face.    "You're wrong." He says so quietly I'm not sure if he actually said anything. "I am a fool. For so many reasons in fact. I'm more then a fool! Blaire, I don't know what I should do. I here footsteps. They're moving away from me. I look back at him, wondering where he is going with this."I don't know how to begin apologizing. Even then there is no excxuse. Where do I begin?" His eyes float up to mine. He sits back down on my bed in the same position I found him in.    "You think I know?" I actually laugh.  My tears have stopped, and now I feel awkward again. I told him I loved him. He knows now for sure. I'm still standing here with pieces missing and I don't know if I'm going to get the answer I want.    "Come here." He looks up at me. My feet move on there own. He wraps his arms around me, laying his forehead against my stomache. He is shaking. I can feel everybreath he takes, they're so slow and shakey. "I'm sorry.... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!" He starts to cry! I rub his back unsure if I should say anything.  He keeps repeating I'm sorry over and over again.    "Luke." I finally interupt him. "Stop crying." I close my eyes. "It's.. fine."    "It's not fine." He moves away, going to his knees in front of me.  We are the same height now. And only inches apart. My eyes flash from his eyes to his lips and then his nose and back to his eyes. "None of it is fine, Blaire."   "It is... I sorry to... I was a bitch... and-"    "Stop." He whispers. I do as I am told. "I have loved you since that first night, Blaire." In a matter of seconds my heart is back together and about to break through my chest. "That first night where we stayed up talking, getting to know each other. You eventually dosed off, and then you had a nightmare. I think it scared me more then it did you! You woke up though and you clung to me for life. This girl who is so strong and brave. Was terrified from a nightmare." I can't breath. It's stuck in my throat and not coming out. " Once you calmed down I stood outside you door for an hour... and then I came back inside. I stayed there until four in the morning just in case you had another nightmare. You didn't. You slept. You were calm and you even smiled sometimes while sleeping."   I close my eyes taking in what he is saying.    "I do love you Blaire. I love you." I open my eyes and find his staring into mine. We pull together like a magnet. Just holding each other.  I'm still shaking, and I know we need to sleep but how can I possibly sleep now? My eyes are open to new world. A world where just maybe everything is going to be alright no matter what happens tomorow. No worries. In this room the two of us are invincible.    What about outside? In the cafeteria? In the training center?   We can't. It's impossible. It's against all rules. We would both suffer from the consequences.   "It's impossible." My voice finally works. He just shuffles a little bit so he can see my face. "I can't do this to you. I wont ruin everything you worked so hard for." I get out of his grip. "You don't have to say anything! Please, dont say anything." I continue before before he can speak. I'm up and out of my bed trying to put space between us now. How could I forget about this. The rules and why I told him no the first time. I'm such an idiot.  "Ha." I actually laugh at myself. "Now, I am the fool."   "You're not a fool." he gets up walking towards me.   "Luke don't." I say. "We said what needed to be said. Now we can both live on okay. You can keep your job and I can stay a mark.... As if nothing has changed."   "Everything has changed now, Blaire." He sighs, but he seems to understand where I am coming from. "We can figure it out. We have to figure this out."   "I'm being serious Luke." I finally say. "You're not losing your job because of me."   "Blaire, come on... lets just sleep on tonight." He sighs not sure what to say now.   "You think it's smart to stay here?" I question, looking around as if there is cameras hidden.   "We'll be fine. Let's just get some more sleep." He holds out his hand to me, and I take it. Yanking me towards him, I gasp when I run into his chest. Inches apart. I can feel his breath. Chest to chest we stand. I look up and he is looking down. "Are you going to run away again?" he whispers. I don't reply. "You always get away when I do this." He leans down, holding me with a tighter grip. Lightly he fingers brush hair away from my face, as our lips touch.   We have kissed before. But the feeling is still so different to me. A little bit of heaven maybe. I bet this is what heaven would be like.  Floating, in the clouds. Maybe I'm already past the clouds and into the stars.   "Luke." I say breaking away for a quick second. He pauses, and I shake my head. No way man. We do deserve this time. This is it. After this we might never see each other again if Mr. Wahls finds out! I swing an arm up pulling him back down. I feel his hands on my waist. Our bodies are melting together. It is getting hot in here. I move my hands to his chest readyo to push him down onto my bed that is right behind him.   This is a new me. I feel sexy. I love this feeling. Knowing now that he actually wants me.   I use the moment to push against him, and he falls without hesitation knowing the bed is there. I pull off my shirt, and then straddle him, pulling up his shirt. I didn't know I knew how to act like this. I want to say it's scary. But I'm having fun. My lips first start at his neck, while my hands explore. Feeling each muscle and every inch of his chest. Creating a trail from below his ear to his jaw, my hands slowly lower themselves. I can feel the hem of his pants, and I now pause. If I go there there is no turning back.    I'm already in my bra and spandex. Once those are off I'm going to be naked. I feel like his pants should come off. Now I'm having a little dilema!    His hands run up my stomach and over my chest, stopping at the straps to the sports bra. I already know I want it to be him. I want him like this. But am I ready tonight? My hands come back up, and spreading out my fingers, I feel his abs.  His body is sculpted, to perfection. Like Crash, but Crash has bigger bones. I move my hands down again. This time under the clothing. He gasps, as I pull down both his shorts and boxer briefs. I sit up, and with a deep breathe looking him in the eyes the entire time, I pull off my bra. He sits up picking me up at my waist. We switch spots, and He throws his shorts and boxers onto the floor. He is here in front of me, all of him. I bite my lip looking him in the eyes, as he ducks down towards my stomache.    I feel his lips right below my belly button, and his fingers hooked intomy spandex pulling them down on the sides. His kiss moves with a torturing slowness from my left hip bone to my right.    "God!" I groan sitting up. I grab his hair, pulling him up and back with me. Our lips colliding like they're fighting a war. I use this spare time to inch my spandex down and I get them off too. Now here we are both naked and our bodies are touching in ways that I never thought they would. His fingers slip down and he stops on my thigh. His fingers brush up slowly that it actually tickles, but the next place they stop sends shivers. He doesn't hesitate. His kiss is no longer taken all of my attention, and I feel someting in my throat. It's coming up, but it is kind of scaring me. Not like a sick type of thing at all. It's pleasure. It escapes me, and I feel his smiles against my lips. It makes my cheeks heat  for some reason. I haven't been embarrassed about being naked in front of him, but one moan and I've became the color of a tomato!    If he gets to do it to me. Than I  get to do it to him. Trying to casually move my hand down his side, and over his hip bone. I take him into my hand, completely embarrassed again. He gasps, and pauses what he is doing. I don't. He lays his forehead on my chin, and his breathing is getting faster then it already was. I can feel, him getting more and more excited, and it actually excites me a little. Now he groans, and I stop. With both of my hands I cup his face and pull him back up but before I kiss him I say,   "I want you in everyway I can have you."  Chapter 25 Blaire's POV   He is gone when I wake up.  His clothes are gone too. So he must have left completely. I hoped he would just be in the bathroom. Damn. I lay back down, going through last night. Holy shit.  I look over towards my desk for a clock.    "Ah shit!" it's noon!  I fly out of bed, grabbing my clothes and running into the bathroom. I throw them into the hamper and turn on the shower. While the water heats I brush through my hair. I take a two minute shower washing every inch of me and shampooing my hair.  I throw on some training clothes and make a dash for the training hall. I peek inside and I my thoughts were right. Everyone is gone more thenlikely at lunch or on a mission. I do a couple things, and stretch out my body. I don't feel different. A little stiff maybe but that is it.    Around three I leave as more people start coming back. I don't know what to do now? I could go eat lunch, but I'm honestly not hungry. I wish I knew where to find Luke.  I shouldn't go looking for him though. I need to just let things be for a while. See what exactly happens.    Maybe last night he just used me.    No. I push that thought away immediately. I can't go there. Not yet. Not until we talk again or at least see each other. I decide to go do more work in the tech lab.  I sit in there running through all the regular procedures, just to refresh my mind and I lean back looking at the blank computer screen.    Everything is a mess. Being with Luke and creating this maybe fake maybe real idea of us secretly behind together. I lay my arms out on the table and lay my fore head to the cool glass. What do I do now? He just up and left. I haven't seen him either. Although I'm not trying to hard to find him either. But I don't want to be obvious or anything.    "Oh.. Blaire?" Natalie's voice asks. I peak up at her with a wave. "What are you doing? Are you going to be sick?" She panics.    "Something like that.." I sigh getting up. "I'm okay." I reassure her and she watches me still.    "Hey have you seen Tessa at all today?" She asks, stepping in front of me. I shake my head no. I haven't seen any of you guys for a gouples of days I think to myself.  "Mmm, weird. She didn't say anything about having a mission... What about Luke?"    "Nope." I sigh, and I rub my forehead. My mind wondering about the possibility of Luke playing all three of us. I take a deep breath, and consider asking Natalie if she and Luke ever had a fling. I don't. No need to get myself into trouble if she has no idea what I'm talking about.   "Why so worried..?" I decide to go a different route. Her face drains of color and she bites her lip. I feel my jaw drop. Luke and her do have a thing.    "You can't tell anyone!" She flushes and rushes up to my grabbing my hands.    "Holy shit! You and Luke!" I say trying to not sound mad. She looks confused and her face drops. She starts to smile slightly, and then she shakes her head no. ".... Tessa?"     "Don't say anything please." She whispers.  I just nod not sure I completely understand. Tessa and Natalie?! The gorgeous italian and Natalie this brunette with muscle.    "I wont... I just didn't have any idea... What?!" I smile feeling so happy. For myself and for the two of them.    "Well... there is rule against marks and managers.. but nothing about two marks." She shrugs. "Of course we aren't really telling people though!"    "I get it." I nod. "Wow. I'm so happy for you!" I give her a hug. "I wouldn't be to worried she can take care of herself." I tell her and she smiles with a nod.    "Can I ask you something?" She steps away, and looks around the room. I nod unsure where she might be going with this. I mean I told her I would stay quiet, so I don't know what else there is to really talk about. "About Mr. Smith."    "Yes..?" I say sitting back down in the chair. Where is this going? I just realized I called him Luke in front of her. We aren't supposed to do that. But everyone calls Crash Crash. I just sit looking around the room. Trying to act like I'm not to interested.    "Well... I just. I noticed you two haven't been talking as much as you used to." She pauses, trying to think about how to continue. "What happened?" She blurts out and pulls out another chair.    "Oh, ah." I scratch the back of my neck. "Well, this mission I've been doing has been pretty hard on both of us. I guess that the more we're growing up and getting to know ea-"   "Did you two break up?" She interupts me. I pause and I can feel my jaw dropping. "God. I'm sorry." She whispers covering her mouth. "I shouldn't have said anything.    "No. It's fine." I say holding a hand. "We never were together." She is now watching me. "We were just close friends. We still are."  She is looking at the floor. "Natalie, I'm serious. We weren't dating."    "It just... you two always were together... and you are always smiling around each other. But all of a sudden it seems you can't even be in the same room." She finally speaks. "Everyone has been talking about it. In fact some people have been saying they saw you come out of Crash's room with him last night during the alarm."  I lay my hands in my face, and mentally slap myself. I knew all of that was a bad idea. "... It's true!" She whispers.    "Luke and I had gotten into a fight... I left and I wanted to sleep. Crash's room was the only place I could of that Luke wouldn't look."    "Wait.. Mr. Smith was in your room?  What were you fighting about? Did you and Crash do anything."    "We fought about the mission." I lie. "And no of course Crash and I didn't do anything!" I pretend to be apalled.    "Mmm." She is watching me. I know that we both have been trained to detect lies but I think I have a good poker face. "Wow. So Smith really isn't happy about your new mission then." She sighs.    "Yeah.. I don't know what his issue is." I sigh.    "Blaire, I need a word with you." Crash opens the door. Both of us jump, and I can't exactly figure out how he knew I was in here.    "Fine..." I get up, and wave good bye to Natalie. "What is it?" I ask following him down the hall.    "There is some words going around... about things." He sighs.    "Like?" I ask.    "Like us sleeping together. Like you and Smith breaking up. Like you asking Mr. Wahls for a yellow slip to switch managers." We stop in a hall that is empty.    "Oh." I say. Great. "We didn't sleep together. Luke and were never together!" I say feeling agrivated that people seriously are this petty. I turn away from him wondering how we can fix this. In all reality we can't fix this. We just tell people the truth and if they believe us then they do. I rub my eyes, feeling my bones droop. I feel heavey and tired again, even though I'm pretty sure I just had some of the best sleep in my life.    "The yellow slip?" He asks, and his voice is confused.    "That part is true." I say quietly. "It's in my room.... torn up on my desk."  I add after seeing it this morning on my desk. Luke must have done it last night.    "Why would you do that?" He asks me. I turn to face him but I don't say anything.  "Blaire?"    "It's a long story... one I really don't want to share."  I say and begin walking away. But he grabs my forearm.   "Just like the one about Smith coming to your room? You two getting into a fight?" He seems to be getting a little angry now. "What is going on, Blaire? The truth." he says not letting go of my.    "It's nothing!" I say pulling my arm free. "None of anyones business!" I  start walking away again. "People need to grow up." I say to myself making my way through the halls. I get to my room, nad over to the desk. I look at the torn up yellow paper thats laying all over. I sweep up the pieces and toss them into the garbage. Under the yellow paper is the packet of papers Mr. Wahls gave me a while ago. The stories. The rapes.    Grabbing those I also toss that into the garbage. I need to finish this. I run back to the tech lab that has a couple girls in it and they are working but chatting at the same time. They all look up and look at me. I keep looking through the filing cabinet ignoring them and there little whispers. They act as if I can't hear them. I can. It's about the yellow slip and how Crash and I are now a couple. I pull out my file. They are idiots for leaving it all in here for everyone to look at.    "I'm a lesbian dumbasses." I say as I leave. I snicker walking down the hall. I take my fill back to my room and look through all the information they have on me. They have tons of pictures of me. Ones I don't remember ever being taken. There is an entire page on each of my parents. A packet about that night at the party. I keep looking, and I come across a sheet I've never seen before.  I scan through it reading parts of it carefully. "Holy shit."  It's the information on the agreement between my parents and the government! I toss it away not wanting to find out how much they are getting paid. Reading through a couple more different documents.    "Nothing. Nothing in here at all." I sigh pushing it all off of my bed. I was trying to see if there was an adress for the school or maybe something that could get me to there house. Not that I would be able to walk out of here without getting caught.  I pick it all up and toss it back onto my desk. I need Mr. Wahls.   Right now I feel like my life has no point. Like nothing good is happening so why sit here and do nothing? Finishing off this mission will be something good that happens. Zooming through the halls I don't even knock when I go inside. I pause and smile as heat rises into my cheeks.  Luke and Mr. Wahls sitting together talking.    "Oh. I'll just come back." I say turning for the door.    "Stay actually." Mr. Wahls says. I do as I am told. I take a seat keeping my eyes down. I don't want to see Luke's face. "We were just talking about the yellow slip you came for yesterday."  I nod. Keeping my eyes down still.    "I understand why." Luke says. "Things have been rough the past couple of weeks. I just don't want her talent wasted." Luke picks up where Mr. Wahls and him were at while they were in here without me. "Whether she is with me or not..." He adds. He leans back, and lets out a sigh. I glance over at him. His hair is still a little messy from a shower, and I can see a hint of a smile hanging on his lips. I look up going from his lips to his eyes. He is looking at me. I stiffen and look back at Mr. Wahls. He is looking at his computer typing very rapidly.    "Well.. while no onw is talking." I begin, "Would it be possible for me to go back to school tomorrow? I'm ready to get this done and over with."   "Agreed." Luke raises his hand.    "Tomorrow then." Mr. Wahls nods in agreement. "About the yellow slip..."    "I really don't care anymore." I sigh, "As long as I stay out and keep up with missions any manager works."  I stand.    "Alright then." He types again.  "Everything worked out then?" He asks.    "I'm good." I head for the door.    "Same here. Thank you Sir." Then Luke and I leave together.  Chapter 26 Blaire's POV   Luke isn't in the car in the morning. We still haven't had time to talk yet either. I thought yesterday after we left Mr. Wahls' office we would talk. We didn't. He smiles at me, touched my cheek in a total loving way. Then he turned around his walked away from me. I couldn feel the disapointment run throw my body.  I thought he might be in the car like he usually is, but nope.    I have to go to school today and do nothing. I have to wait until after school, and I have also been informed that I wont even be able to be the one to arrest him. I wasn't happy about having to waste my day and then not even get the pleasure of arresting him. I get dropped off and go into the building looking at all of the not so common surrounding again. It's been a couple weeks since I've been here. People stare thinking I'm another new kid. I ignore it and walk towards my locker, opening the inside I pulling everything out, and give back my books. Teachers of course ask questions about where I've been and why I am turning in my books and I tell them what I was told to tell them. I'm transfering to a different school.     I hang out in the library most of the day. I don't want to go to class. I have no reason to. I read and nap most of the day away. People go in and out throughout the day, Landon comes in and chills with me awhile. He is the only one here today from the group. Caleb pops his head in once and I shove my nose in a book to make it look like I'm busy. I can feel him staring at me, but I don't make a move. I felt awkward since I'm techinically arresting his brother in a couple of hours.     "So, you're leaving already?" Landon sighs as we sit in the back cornner and munch on a bag of chips he brought. "You didn't stay very long..." He adds.    "With my brothers job we move a lot I'm used to it."  I lie through my teeth. "I'm honestly kind of happy for it. I'm sick of Casey and Caleb."    "I don't blame ya there. Casey's been sayin stuff about you the entire time you was gone. Making things about you and her brothers having sex and you having a relationship with your brother."  he laughs, and I rub my forehead. Great knowing that my name has been held up while I was gone.    "Fuck her." I laugh, "You know I caught her having sex in her brothers room my first week here. And it wasn't with Mark."  He busts up laughing and we both laugh about it for a while. Weplay cards for awhile and just talk about how stupid the librarian is for just letting us hang out in here, not that we would want her to kick us out either.    BEEP ~~ BEEP ~~ BEEP   "What is that?" I yell, over the loud alarm the buzzing.    "Intruder alarm!" He replies, and I don't understand. Intruder? Who would want to intrude a high school?  Both of us make run towards the door, looking to see if we catch anyone. We don't. In the background I hear the librarian yelling at both of us to go hide in the back cornner like we were. I push Landon towards the area and tell him I'll be back.    I wanna take a look. I duck outside the door, and manuever around the halls trying to find an intruder. I walk past a three way hall and I stop halfway through spotting three men with guns walking down the hall the opposite way. And of course one of them just happens to glance back at me. He points and yells.    "Shit!" I take off running the way I came. Knowing I have I good lead on them, I think about what I should do. There are students here! I can't do anything stupid. I try to open one door but it's locked.  Well, now that I think about it I'm sure they're supposed to be locked with and intruder in the building. I run for door to door hoping I might get lucky. I do. I open it and get inside. But I do lock it. I turn and see student looking up at me from under desks. I wave with a weak smile.    "Blaire?" Caleb pokes up from under his desk. Then Casey's head pops up too.    "I need your phone!" I walk towards him, and he doesn't budge. "Caleb this isn't a game I need your phone." I say again.    "It's in my locker.... I don't have it..."  he whispers, and then there is a pound on the door. It swings open and behind me Caleb whispers, "I should've told you the lock doesn't work." A guy parades in pointing his gun, and he spots me.    "I got her." He speaks into his wrist. and I duck under the desks, and move towards the front of the room. "Alright Toot's let not make this difficult. We just want Walter back." the mans speaks.    "I haven't heard that name in a long time.." I sigh, standing up now in front of the room. "Alright... you got me. Now put the gun down." I warn. He just laughs as if he doesn't have to listen to me. I take in a deep breath, and ask again. "Put the gun down."    "Make me." He speaks and his German accent is poking out now. I'm in action. I run at him but he doesn't react quick enough I slide to his left grabbing the nozzle of the gun, and puling it with me. He leaves his hand and I pop up behind him gun now in my hands. I aim but don't fire.  "My men are coming you kno-" I don't let him finish. I jump kicking him the head, and he blocks but I keep up. I shove the back end of the gun into his side, and he bends over in pain. Then I swing my elbow down cracking him in the neck and he falls to the ground. He peaks up and me but I don't give him anytime to say anything. I smack him right in the nose with the end of the gun.    "You didn't tell you buddies what room dumbass." I laugh, going back to the door and closing it. I also slide a table in front of the door putting it on it's side so the getting in part isn't as easy.    "Holy shit!" Caleb is now standing again, along with all the other students.    "Phone now." I say and a bunch of people pull out their phones. I take the closest one, and dial the emergency number to get in contact with the agency. I wait while it rings. It asks for my number. "Mark number 28G3R"  IT patches me into Mr. Wahls. "Sir, We have an issue." I look over at the German passed out on the floor. I explain to him what's happening. He tells me to put him on speaker so I can search the body for more weapons and still be able to hear him. I do as I am told pulling out magazines for the gun and pocket knifes. "I saw two others, but there might be more. Sir, this building has students in every class room."   "Take the gun, Blaire. Scout the halls. Smith and Crash and there marks are on there way." He hangs up the phone. I give it back to the boy and thank him. I shove a couple extra magazines into my pockets, and pick up the gun again.    "What if he wakes up!?" Casey speaks, and I glance over at the guy. I role my eyes, but she does have a point. I pull the laces out of his boot and Tie his hands and feet, then take the duct tape from the drawer. I then shove two pieces of tape over his mouth and use almost have of the role to tape his knees together.  "Who are you?" CAsey asks seeing that I know what I am doing.    "Someone who just saved your life." I reply, "Now all of you stay in here don't make a noise, if he wakes up don't do anything rash, the most he can do is wiggles around. Okay? Okay." I open the door and close it.  I go back the way I came and peak the gun out before I show a body part. Then I peak my head. No one. I make a quick dash to the next opening in the hall. I shoot seeing the man. He falls. I run towards the body and remove all his weapons as fast as I can and shove them into the locker that just happens to be open. I close it locking it, and move on. That's two.    As I am looking I realize I didn't tell Mr. Wahls what room that was. But now that they have the number they can track it andHe is in a safer place than you. figure it out, but it's not like I'm in that room anymore either. I keep searching for the third guy but I can't find him anywhere. Once I walked the entire school three times I do go back to the room. I notice that Russian guy is awake, and he starts to struggle when I walk him. I pull up on his jacket, and he sits up. I rip the tape off his mouth withouth being nice about it. Then I step on the watch and it break, and hurts his wrist.    "Hündin" he calls me a bitch.    "Wie viele von euch sind da?" I ignore his foul language and ask how many men there are.    "Ich werde nicht zu helfen." He laughs, and I stand up slowly, looking away. I really don't want to deal with him. "Wo ist Walter ?" He asks about Walter.    "Er ist in einem sichereren Ort als Sie." I sigh, and knee him in the face. He is down for the count again. I re-tape his mouth and rub my eyes, wishing he would've been a little more helpful.   "You speak German?" Casey shakes her head. "Fluent German and French?"    "And Italian, Spanish, Mandarin, and ... do I need to go on?" I role my eyes. "Where is your brother at?" I ask. She looks at Caleb. "No your other brother, Cody?" I ask.    "His room. He has a math class this period." Casey looks confused. There is a knock on the window and all the student duck under there desks swearing and whispering that we got caught. I run over to it seeing if I can unlock it. I am able to and I let them all inside.    "Nice to see you Bunny. How is school going?" Crash is the first one to talk.   "Shut up." I move past him finding Luke. "I think that since we have the window open we let these students out and to safety."   "It's not much safer outside. There was a couple guys." He sighs, and speaks into his wrist telling Tessa and Natalie to stay out side watching the perimeter. "How many did you count?"    "Three. Two of them are down unless there is more... but from what you said there has to be more." I scratch my head. I take a peak down at the German guy who is still sleeping in the floor.    "Blaire is right, we need to get these kids out of here Smith." Crash comes into the conversaion. "Have some of us go room to room, and lead them all out to behind the barracades."    "I think we need to think about the situation a little more. Alright? No students have been hurt yet, and maybe none will be if we figure out why they are here." Luke stands up firm to Crash, and it looks like they're about to but heads.    "They want Walter!" I push between the two of them. "I'm assuming he is back at base so we need to think of another plan."    "How'ed they know we have Walter?" Luke shakes his head. Crash, looks like he is slowly figuring this out. "What? Is this some secret you two have been keeping from me? Like you two sle-"   "No!" I interupt again. "They must've been monitoring the school waiting to see me. The last these guys knew Walter was with me."    "And we didn't sleep together... I mean we didn't have sex... we did sleep together... like litterally sleep... but yeah you get the point." I mentally smack myself in the face. These two idiots are never going to not be fighting.   "Now is not the time." I send him a glare, and I finally look at Luke. "What are you thinking? .. About the situation?"  I change the subject.    "Honestly I don't know. We need to have some kind of idea of what we're up against... before we make any decisions." He sighs, seeming to calm down.   "Alright then. Blaire go scout the place." Crash shrugs.    "Don't listen to him." Luke speaks right away.    "Now what? She knows the building, and she might know the guys. She is more likely to make it out of this alive then either of us is!" Crash points out.    "I''ll do it!" I speak up myself to shut the two of them up. "Give me a talkie." I say to one of Crash's girls who is standing in the background watching everything with slight amusement.  She peels hers off her wrist and hands it over, I thank her and tell them I'll be back and be in contact. I turn on the talkie once I have the ear piece in to hear what Luke and Crash tell me.    I go through the entire building again, but there is nothing. Crash tells me to scout around again, and look into bathrooms and other class rooms if able. I do as I am told again. Peeking into bathrooms, even the boys, and I do come across the spot were I left the body. It's gone now. There isn't a blood trail either.  I run now looking for any little spot of blood or a sign that there were people. Nothing. Where in the hell did these people go?    I run towards the office. I haven't actually checked all the rooms inside of there. I bet they have a hide out where they are creating a plan. I go inside, and grip the gun, already hearing voices. They are in the principles office. Running to other end of the hall just in case some come out, I talkie the news to Luke. I stay back like he said to do waiting to see what the next move is. I hear the door open and I peak out watching three more men come out. They split up going in different directions and one of them is coming my way. I slip back thinking about the situation. I was told to stay put... but of course taking anouther guy out isn't to bad of an option. I stay back and quiet and once he walks past me( I'm thankful he didn't turn ), I wait a little longer. I slip out around the cornner, and practically crawl closer to him.    The bell goes off signalling for classes to switch and it makes us both jump. He turns spotting me, and pulls his gun right away. Without hesitation he fires, but he gave me plenty of time to move. The boys locker room. It does kind of stink in here. I need to think here. Focus. I turn towards the lockers, and pull open as many of them as I can looking for something to use against him. All I find is clothing and body sprays and at lesat 200 sticks of deodarant! The door slams open but he isn't alone. There is three of them. I have no weapons. I throw my arms up without hesitation.    "You're surrendering?" One speaks, with a hint of a laugh.    "I know when I can't win a fight." I speak slowly. Two of them walk toward me keeping a hand on their guns. They each grab an arm and pull it behind my back not being gentle about it. They push me out of the room and towards the office. I don't fight, but I don't make it easy for them either. The shove me into the room and all eye turn to me. "Ah- Hi?" I speak, and I get pushed to the ground on my knees. I feel a gun on the back of my head.    "Long time. Toots." Some one I recognize but don't really remember stands up.  "You know what we want."   "I'm afraid I can't give it to you." I reply, and one of the guys behind me holding my arms twists it a little and it sends a pain up my arm. "That hurts!"    "Take her back."  The guy looks away and leaves the office door. The men tug on my arms and I huff out a breath wishing I had a little bit more of a plan. "We can make her talk."   "You might as well kill me." I spit, my temper flaring. For being a secret spy agent person, I sadly have to admit getting tortured is a big fear of mine. It's like drawing death out for weeks or even months on end! No way do I want to go through all of that. I get slammed down into a chair and they tape my hands and feet. I sit without fighting them I need to think of a plan.    "Long shot..." I start slowly, "But I do have to pee... you guys mind bringing me to the bathroom in the other room?" I venture, seeing if they take the bait. One of them stops looking at me. I know they are listening. "You can even stand in the stall with me for petes sake okay. I just really would prefer to not pee my pants... and honestly I don't think you want that either."    He pulls me up from the chair and lets go of my arm, but it is impossible for me to balance with the tape. I fall over smacking the floor with a thud. But he grabs my shoulders and lifts me, and practically drags me to the bathroom. He explains to the bosses that he is taking me to bathroom that is located in the office for the secretary and principle. They don't argue.  He untapes my feet, and I wrinkle my nose trying to smile. I get shoved into the bathroom and he open the stall door for me.    "Ah... I can't exactly use my hands... so how do you want to do this?" I ask. He pauses a minute not sure how to respond.  "Okay just pull my pants down if you wont undo my hands." I sigh. He steps forward slowly, and reach towards my hips were my pants are. Just a little closser! I kick up my knee and crack him in the head, he falls imediately and is knocked out. Turning around, I awkwardly begin digging through his pockets to find a knife. This is harder then I thought it would be due to not being able to see exactly what I am doing. I don't find one though. I flush the toilet in case they can here me out there. Tape is sticky... sometimes water can make it not stick. I go over to the sink and turn it on hot. I place the tape under it, and ignore the skalding water burning my skin. I try and pull my hands appart while it runs over, and it seem like years before I can even get it to loosen a little.    "What is going on in there?" there is a knock on the door. Shit. The tape falls apart a second later and I run to the door.    "I need help!" I yell standing behind the door. It swings open and I push it back smakcing the guy. I run over to guy I kneed in the face and grab his gun. I then shoot the guy I hit with the door. That was a lot of noise. Now I have to get out of this.  On a count of three all bust open the door and make a run for it. I can do this. I can do this.    One    Two   Three Chapter 27   Blaire's POV   No one is here. The principles office and check in lobby are both empty. I tiptoe towards the door wondering what happened. I peek through the closed blinds that cover the windows in the room. Oh. Great. The halls are filled with students, and every once in a while I catch sight of a taller person holding a gun. I do not see Luke or Crash. But if they are emptying the classrooms they are bound to find them. What do I do? Why did they just leave me in here? They probably thought the two guys they left me with could handle me. I search the rooms looking for more wepons or anything hinting at how I can stop them.    Slipping outside the door with a gun hidden and a blade shved up my sleeve I blend into the crowd of other kids following them to wear we're supposed to go. From the looks of it, we are headed to the gym. In the distance I can hear yelling in german and english. I try to listen to what they are saying, but I can't make any of it out. I can barely hear them over the kids freaking out around me.    I need to find Luke and Crash. I stick my head up quickly seeing if there is anyone I recognize. No one.    I stick with the crowd, unsure how to continue. I walk slower the closer we get to the gym doors, I do not know what is going to happen when I enter that room. I do not know what I am going to see. I need to be prepared. I look down at the floor keeping my face hidden as I enter into the silent gym. Everything is quiet. Boys and girls have to go seperte ways and sit down on opposite sides of the gym. I follow the girls in front of me, and try too look through the room for Luke. If they are taking students from class rooms then they would have found them. I do not see anyone. Not even Crash... and he is pretty hard to miss.    "Finde sie! Der Chef will sie am Leben." One guy in the gym yells as he walks in. I take in a deep breath. He said "find her." and " she needs to be alive"   I am going to make a wild guess they mean me.    "Get your hands off of me!" Casey's voice shrieks, and then there is a yell in pain. Everyone is now watching the door, they must be out in the hall.    "Casey?!" Caleb's voice rings out next.    "Leave them alone!" Cody Riker stands up. He is in here. I watch now as one of the german men grab him and hold him. He fights and out of know where there is another gun shot. "Casey!? Caleb?!" Riker panics. The german smacks Cody in the head with the side of the gun, and he falls knocked out. What was that gun shot? I don't hear Casey or Caleb anymore. It was only one shot though, I doubt it got both of them.    It has only been 2 minutes. No one is talking, not even the germans. All I can hear are sniffles and crying. What can I do? I can make myself known but I'll be dead in two seconds with all the guns that are scattered around the room. But I can't just sit in here and dow nothing! Luke and the team are out there somewhere doing something and I am stuck in here.    "28G3R. On the signal." Crash's voice anounces over the intercom. That's my mark number. What on the signal? What signal?  The lights go out, and screams erupt in the room.    That's the signal. Due do special training, I can see in the dark rather well. I stand and go into action. Germans are yelling for everyone to stay put and no one will get hurt, but I can get them if the lights stay off long enough. I make my way through the rows of sitting kids, crawling telling them all to be quiet,  towards my first target. I jump up on him, and there is a loud crack. Maybe not the right way to kill him. There is more yelling and crying, but no guns or flash lights. I make my way to the next guy and pull the out the knife. I sneak up behind and slip the blade across the side of his neck. There was three more men in here. I can do this. Making my way over to another, I just slice his neck as well it is easy and quiet. Of course the students are somewhat freaking out and crying making it slightly more difficult. I make it to the second to last guy, and before I get close enough he must sense me. He turns kicking and my knife goes flying. I hope that doesn't hit anyone. I knee him in a bad area and he grunts in pain. I pull on the gun from my jeans, and just as the lights come back on I pull the trigger.    "Well great..." I drop his body. I was hoping the lights would be off so none of the students would for sure know it was me. Now there will be a long debriefing for the school. Aiming the gun at the last guy standing, he reaches down grabbing the first person he can. "Oh come on!" I mumble.    Of all people he could have grabbed, it's Cody Riker who is now awake.    "You shoot you kill a innocent man." He grits through his teeth.    "Innocent?" I laugh. "You're holding a child molester. You can kill him for all I care." I respond, and Cody tries to buck his way free. "Why do you think I was brought here Cody?" I ask, and he grits his teeth. "It wasn't a coincidence." I smile.    The door behind him opens and there is the rest of the team.    "Whoa! Let him go." Luke pulls his gun. "He has nothing to do with this. We have Walter, but you might as well stop this. You're the only one left who is alive... other than Walter."    "You think we don't have more followers?!" He moves throwing Riker towards me, and he trips and colides into me knocking me down to the ground. Another gun shot rings out, and more screams come from the students.    "Get off!" I push Cody off of me. I stand grabbing my gun, and seeing what happened. I let out a breath of relief. He shot himself. I had a bad feeling that he got Luke or Crash.    "What's going on!?" Cody asks on the ground beside me. I turn look down at him. Without realizing it, I have my find hovering by the trigger and the end of the gun touching his forehead. If that German man had tried to shoot Luke of Crash I would not have been able to save them because this guy is a clutz. "Whoa!" he holds up his arms.    "Blaire stop." Luke orders. I don't move the gun.    "What are you doing?" Casey comes running in.    "Casey we were told to stay out here!" Caleb grabs her. They both stop by Luke and are watching me.     "Make her stop!" Casey screams, at Luke.   "Quiet." Crash shushes her like she is a pesky bug. "Do what you have got to do Little Bunny." He encourages me, and I grip the gun tighter. I look back down at Riker who is now crying.    "Do not encourage her!" Luke complains. "Blaire, he is going to go to prison. He will be punished for what he has all done. Do not let him off easy for what he did."    "He hasn't done anything! He is a freaking math teacher!" Casey shouts.   "You really think that?" I look over at her, and she nods. "You tell her." I look back at her older brother. He just shakes his head. I slap him across the cheek with the back side of my hand holding the gun. "Say it!" I threaten, aiming the gun between his eyes. He doesn't say anything. "How many have there been Cody? How many little girls have you raped?"    "Blaire that's enough." Luke walks over.    "No!" I  hold up my other hand tell him to stop. "He needs to fess up... So, come on Cody how many stories do you have on your computer? How many pictures have you saved?"    "Someone was in my room." He chuckles, " I knew someone was in there." I crack, and fire the gun into his leg. He screams, and I yell for him to answer my question.    "How many girls have you hurt?" I grab his neck pulling him up to eye level with me.    "I've lost count." He smiles. I drop him, ready to shoot, but there is another gun shoot, and my gun flies from my hand. Luke.    "You could have hit my hand!"    "Get your ass over here!" He demands. "There has been enough blood and death in this school." He speaks now to everyone. Slowly I walk towards him. "Cleaners are coming to take care of everything. It's time for us to go." He grabs my hand, and gives me a brief smile. "They will take care of him, Blaire." he assures me. "It's time to go." He order through his walkie. I walk with him, looking around the school gym. Casey and Caleb are staring and I meet each of there eyes. I look away without saying a word. I have nothing to say to them.   Luke keeps ahold of my hand while we leave the building. All the outside commotion is huge. Well of course it is, a school was taken hostage. Crash and Luke lead all of us out towards the tent where the military is set up. I laugh with a chuckle seeing Walter standing out here talking with none other then Mr. Riker, Casey, Caleb, and Cody's dad.    "You were part of this the entire time?" I ask.    "Undercover actually." He smiles.    "Why wasn't I aware of this?" I elbow Luke, although I am unsure if I should actally be mad. I guess I'm confused on why I was in trouble ... when they kidnapped me.   "Everyone needed to believe I was one of them... including you." Walter replies instead. "No worries Toots, everything was under control. Why do you think I brought you to the club that night?"    "Ass wipes." I mumble.    "Were any kids hurt?" Mr. Riker speaks, finally.    "None that we know of, however cleaners are sweeping the building now. We will know for sure soon enough."  Crash enters the conversation. "I need you to come with me Riker. We need to talk."    "About?" He questions. "I want to see my kids.." He adds.    "Well... you'll see one of them in cop car." I spit, and he turns to me face red with anger.    "What was that little girl?" He threatens me. He steps closer, but Luke pushes him back. "What is she talking about?"    "Come with me." Crash repeats, and he practically drags him away.    "What will happen to all the students? They all saw pretty much everything." I turn to Luke once Crash has Riker far enough away.    "That isn't any of our concern." He looks around quickly, and grabs my hand again. He starts tugging my around through the tent and slips us through the back side where no one can see us. "You..."    "I..?" I whisper, so no one hears us. He steps closer. "No." I  step back. "Don't be stupid." I shake my head.    "Where is Smith?" Mr. Wahls' echos through the tent. I push him back into the tent, and take the long way around, so there is nothing suspicious to see. I stand back trying to listen to as much of it as I can without being noticed. "- success. No students are hurt and we didn't loose anyone either. It all went according to plan."   "Yes, Sir." He nods.    "I have a proposition for you Luke..." Mr. Wahls put his hands in his pockets. He means business now.    "It's not nice to eavesdrop." Crash appears by my side. I glance up at him, and shake my head. "He is getting promoted. All his marks have been transferred to different Managers, and he wont be a manager anymore."    "You know this how?" I look up at him, I do not want to believe him... however Mr. Wahls does look like he is talking business.    "I turned down the offer." He replies, "He just didn't interest me.." He pauses and there is but coming up. "But it's Smith ultimate goal for working with the company."    "So why did they offered it to you first?" I ask. Maybe he isn't telling the truth.    "Reasons... Little Bunny." He pats my head and I glance in Luke's direction. The smile on his face tells me he likes what he is hearing.    "Wait.. you said we were all transferred..?" I raise my eyebrow. Does Luke know that we were all already changed? He holds up a blue slip, and I feel anger when I see my name written on the transfer line and his name on the accepted line. Blue slips are slips that only Mr. Wahls can hand out. Yellow slips are for managers and marks, and they are requests, but blue slips are the law, and unarguable.    I look over at Luke and Mr. Wahls again, and they are shaking hands. Both smiling and happy as ever. I turn away leaving Crash there and head towards the grass to sit in. I wonder the position is. Depending on what it is, I might never see him again. There is aloud burst of noise, and can hear all the foot steps from student who are being let out of the school building. I lean against a tree watching them all run to safety, and I almost smile; I did that, I just saved these people. That is my job. To save the good and take out the bad.    ... The bad... where is Cody Riker at? I walk back to the tents, on a mission. I knudge my way through crowds of students trying to find the right tent. I know he is still here, he has to be. I peak inside a couple here and there but he isn't anywhere to be found. I couldn't have missed him. I did not notice any vehicles leave. After making a full circle around the parking lot, I make another round needing to find him and confront him. What would I say? I want to blow his brains out... so talking is not on the mind. However, there more then likely will be issues with just killing him.    A couple yards ahead of me, I notice Mr. Riker with Casey and Caleb and he is taking them to one of there military tents. I did not check on of there tents... I didn't think they would bring him there. Mmm... I follow and wait outside a moment to hear if Cody is in there for sure.    "-alled my lawyer. They have no proof of anything, and they threatened you into confessing." Mr. Riker whispers in a harsh tone.    "What have you done Cody?!" Casey's voice is scratchy from crying. "I heard what you said to Blaire. Tell me she had the wrong I.D"    "I don't." I sweep into the curtain.    "You have no right to be in here!" Casey stands up. She was kneel infront of Cody. Caleb is standing in the back cornner and and Mr. Riker is standing only a couple feet away from me. All that is in here is a table and chairs.    "Out."  I point to the opening behind me.    "You can't do this!" Casey complains.   "Now." I make eye contact with Mr. Riker, he stays eye level with me trying to intimidate me. "I can get the boss..." I sigh laying my hands t my hips.    "Come on.. Casey. Caleb." He gestures.    "You're gonna let her boss you around?" Casey stands by Cody.    "He kind of has to. Now, out." I point again. Mr. Riker has to practically drag Casey out and Caleb leaves without a word. I take a minute to look at Cody handcuffed sitting in the chair with his head down. I pull a chair out from the table and set it directly in front of him, taking a seat I let out a breath of air.    Alright I'm here.. what do I do.    "Can you really not remember?" I ask. He doesn't move an inch, and no words come from his mouth. I lean back in my chair resting my feet on the table, to show him I am in total control and thatnothing he does will upset or anger me. "Well.. I read a couple of your.... your mmm well I don't know what you call them, but I call them rape scenes. What do you like to read through them to relive the moment?" I pause to see if he will give me an answer. Nothing. He doesn't even flinch when I stand up and pull his hair so he has his head up. I let go and he holds his head now watching me as I pace.    "What exactly are you?" He asks.    "I'm the one asking questions right now." I reply quickly. "How many were there?"    "I'm not talking without a lawyer." He smirks. My hand flies and the slap hurts my hand even. "Who do you work for if you aren't a cop?"    "Why keep stories and even pictures of all your rapes? Espicially at the house with your younger siblings?" I sit back down.   "How'd you get into my stuff?" he leans forward as much as he can. I lean back crossing my arms, debating on if I should even continue. Maybe this wasn't worth it.   "How's your leg?" I ask, looking at his now all bandaged up leg. "I bet that hurt."    "Yeah, I bet you wouldn't know." He sighs, "You only shoot people who can't fight back." He leans back as well, and he knows his comment strikes a nerve in me.    "I could have let that German kill you." I reply thinkng through my words.    "No you wouldn't have done that." He chuckles now, looking me in the eyes. "You want to do it yourself. Why else would you have came here?" He pauses, and I think about my response. Is that true? I was fully prepared to kill him in the gym but... I don't think I actually would've done it.    "So what if I did...  You deserve it with all the pain you have caused. But then I thought just shooting you would be to easy. You will go to a special facility. You will be punished. You will wish I killed you." I stand up ready to leave things with that. As I walk to the tent opening, his chuckle makes me unsure. What could he be laughing about?   "Well... no matter what torture I go through, I will always remembering the feeling of your skin, so soft. And you're screaming for help. Admit it, you liked it."     "How da-" I turn enraged, and ready to kill.    "That's enough!" Luke is there in a flash dragging me out of the tent. He has his arms wraping around my waist also pinning my arms down.   "Let me go!" I yell, "This has nothing to do with you! Let me go!" I fight against his restraints. He isn't backing down of course, and holds on with all his life. I watch as the Riker family enters back into the tent, and Caleb is watching Luke and I as if he has never seen anything like it before. "Put me down!" I stop squirmming.   "What were you thinking?" he scolds me, "You know you just jeopardized his entire trial? If you threatened him or anything in that range his attorney can say we threatened him into a confession!"   "We have evidence, Luke! His computer files, all the pictures, all of the people in that gym who heard him say what he said in there!"   "You don't understand." He shakes his head.   "No you don't. Let me inform you on his situation, Mr. Smith." I pause for affect, and a breath. "He is toast. Whether the courts find him guilty or not. Got it?" I turn on my heels and walk away from him. Chapter 28  "Shut up." I whisper to Crash, who is sitting next to me talking to himself about something he is trying to tell me. I'm not listening... I'm waiting to see what and who comes out of the court room. The Riker family did there best to avoid court, but it was unavoidable and here we are now three months later. Mr. Wahls let me come to the court building to hear a verdict but only if Crash came with me. So, here we sit outside the room because I am to much of a chicken to go in there now, I don't want to draw attention to myself.   "and then we all kic- Hey I know that guy?!" Crash sits up and looks in the other direction of the hall. I turn my head trying to follow his eyes, but I do not recognize anyone. "No! Do not look in fact I need you to hug me... do something to make us look normal!" He turns around to me, and I give him a look. What on Earth is he talking about?   The court room door besides me busts open and out comes a crying Casey and Mrs. Riker. They both hug and cry, and I can't help but feel a rush of relief come to me. He was found guilty!? Right?   "What are you doing here?" Caleb appears, and he is looking exactly at me.   "Hearing a verdict then we are leaving." Crash speaks before me, and he lays a hand on my shoulder with a firm grip. He doesn't want me to say the wrong thing. "Well, after that piece of evidence your verdict will be guilty." He sighs.   "Why are they so upset if he hasn't been found guilty yet?" I ask, glancing at his family members.   "They jury wanted a break... and honestly I believe they want to end the trial now." He sighs.   "What piece of evidence?" I ask, "I didn't believe they there was any evidence for sure proving it was him..?"   "A security camera video was found... It caught an entire act... Cody's face is clearly recognizable in it."   "Why wasn't that found before!?" I turn to Crash. His cheek turn red and he scratches the back of his neck. "You all knew about it!?-- Actually don't answer that we will talk about it later!" I push him away. I look back at Caleb. It has been three months since I last saw him. He doesn't look different, maybe tired but I can understand why. "Caleb, I just want you to know.. I didn't mean for it to happen like this."   "Hey, no need to even begin to explain. After everything he has done he deserves it! I can't believe none of us ever caught on!" He lets out a breath of air. He looks me in the eyes, and I do not know what to say. "Can I ask you something..?" He whispers, glancing behind me. He must be looking at Crash.   "I'll answer it if I can." I nod intrigued.   "Cody is the reason you left... and got involved in all this government stuff." He replies.   "That isn't a question." I look at him.   "Yeah.. I think I knew the answer." He sighs scratching his eyebrow. "Where is the shorter blonde guy who isn'ta proffessional football player?"   "Luke?" I say his name for the first time since he took off. "He was promoted...I work with this guy now." I point behind me feeling Crash get closer. He heard mention of Smith and decided to snoop. "Well... I think I've heard all I need to hear... Have a good life Caleb." I hug him.   "Stay as safe as you can out there saving the world Blaire." He hugs me back. I don't say anything to Casey or her mother, then Crash leads me out of the building out to the car.    "Did you guys know about the video?" I ask before getting inside. I grip the top of the door, and look up into his eyes.  Even though he is a good foot and couple inches taller then me, I'm not scared.    "Recent discovery. Yes." He sighs, looking back at me. "We turned it in as soon as we found it."   "How was it not found earlier? Ho old is it?" I glance back up at the large court building.    "No one was looking for it." He scratches the back of his neck, something seems off. He isn't telling me something.    "What?"    "I guess you should probably thank the person who did find it..." He pauses, "Let's go eat." He changes the subject. I don't argue. I don't understand what just happened. I follow a couple steps behind him as he leads me through the busy streets. The walk is silent... making it extremely awkard. He takes a sharp right turn into a little coffee house, and I follow. He orderd a couple drinks and some sandwhich lunch items and leads me to a table next to the big open windows. I stare outside watching as everyday normal people walk by. They have no idea that to spy / ninja / assasins are sitting inside the coffee house eating sandwhiches and drinking some kind of coffee drink.    "So... why did we come here?" I ask, looking down at the sandwhich in front of me. It does look good, but I'm not touching anything until he gives me some answers. Mr. Wahls would not have aloud this. We must be breaking the rules right now. Crash is breaking the rules.  Why? Why is everything always so top secret... stupid question... We are spies, it is how we work. Without secrets we wouldn't be anything.    "Look out the window towards the other end of the street." He whispers, between sips of his coffee. "Do you see the woman walking pushing a stroller?" I nod, focusing on her. She seems to be talking... but no on is around her, and she isn't holding a phone to her ear. I do not recognize her.    "What about her?" I ask looking away, and at Crash. He is just messing with me. Leave it to him to do somethign stupid like this.    "And now." I whispers pointing out the window. I imediately turn my head back to the woman, did I miss something? Is she actually important after all? Who is she tal-   "Why did you bring me here." I imediately advert my eyes. "I want to go back to the facility." I get up leaving my drink and sandwhich at the table. I make a break for the door, but when I look ahead of me she is there. Walking across the cross walk towards this side of the side walk. Luke is next to her with an arm wrapped around her waist and he is looking into the stroller with a big smile. I back away from the door as they get closer and closer.    I don't understand. What kind of mission is this? Why did Crash bring me here? Once they reach the side walk, I see that the coffee shop is there destination, and I panic. I make a dash for the bathrooms, but once I get there the door is locked, must be only one person at a time! No what? I don't want to see him. The bell rings signaling that the door was opened.     "Oh sorry." a guy apologizes after we both bump into each other. He looks like he is in his late 20's. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did it?"    "No." I shake my head. "Just scared me half to death." I move so he can get through the hall. "Actually, hey!" I grab his arm, in a hopefully none weird panicy way.    "Yes?" He turns.    "Can you help me get out of here?" I pause, thats a weird question. "My ex just walked in with his new girlfriend and kid.... I just don't want them to notice me." I practically beg.    "Sure. Anything to help a damsel in distress." He shrugs. I smile, throwing my hair into a bun and wrapping my scarf around me so it hids more of my face. I walk over to him, and he takes action swinging an arm across my shoulders, so I wrap mine around his waist. He carries on a normal conversation with me, with just him talking about his day at work. I avoid looking in Crash's direction unsure if Crash knew they would come inside. I avoid looking anywhere. I keep my eyes ahead of me or on my "boyfriend". We get outside the building, and I tell him to walk in the direction he needs to go because I can just find my own way home. I just want to be out of sight of this building.    "Thank you!" I move away from him. " I feel like I should pay you..." I pause.    "Your number will be enough." He smiles, and I smirk. "Besides.. you can totally do better than that blondie."  he sighs.   "Do you have a pen or anything?" I ask. He hands me one, and I turn over his hand to his palm. This is bad. I'm totally breaking all rules. I still have the phone from my mission. I haven't need to use it... I write down the number to the device, and say goodbye. "Thank you again. Really! You're a life saver." With that I leave him, and find my way back to the courthouse to the car. I take my time wondering what is happening back at the coffee house. They probably are looking for me... maybe not though. Was that a meeting? Or did Crash just know they would be there? I want answers but not with Luke there. The last time I saw Luke.... I hate thinking about it.    After everything was all sorted out from the school lockdown. Everyone was brought back to the facility as if nothing happened. I showerd and ate supper and then spent the rest of the night in my room. I had yelled at Luke and stormed off. But he came to my room, later that night. There was a lot of anger at first... but gradually it turned to sadness when the subject changed to him leaving. we just found out that we were in love with each other! For petes sake we slept together! Now he is just up and leaving in two days! He told me that he wouldn't go. He said he didn't want to leave me. I made him go. I told him this was his oppurtunity. Then we started to fight over whether he should go or not. That ended with both of us naked in my bed for a second time. I woke up the next morning... and he was gone. Mr. Wahls changed his departure time, and he was gone with out a word.    I spot our car and begin my strut towards it after reliving that entire night. I feel like I'm about to cry. Why did Crash do that to me!? Why was Luke with a girl who had a stroller?! So many questions with no answers.    My eyes are brought the the courthouse doors as they swing open, and out comes a stampeed of people. New reporters, cops, courthouse guards. It's like what you see in the movies! I pause trying to see what is going on. I see Caleb push out of the crowd of people, and I figure it must be his brother. I look for a cuffed Cody Riker, but I can't see him through all of the other comotion. I glance at Caleb again, and see he is walking towards me.  I attempt to look away and get in the car, but he yells for me to stop. I close my eyes and turn towards him again.    "I thought you left." He whispers.    "I thought we were too." I respond, "what happened?"   "Guilty... life in prison." Caleb scratches the back of his neck. I can't help but feel and show my relief. "I know he put you and many other girls through hell..." He sighs.    "This can't be easy for you and I'm sorry... but.. I can't help but be... "   "Happy." He chuckles. "It's okay. I want him off the streets if he is a threat."    I reach over wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold onto him tightly. He returns my embrace. My eyes drift closed and I take a couple deep breaths. I open my eyes, and I see Crash and Luke both coming this way, the girl trialling along beside them.   "Shit." I whisper.    "Casey what are yo- STOP!" Caleb yells and begins to move. I hear a gun shot, and I feel a prick in my side.    "It's all her fault! It's all her fault!" Casey's voice rings out, but all I see is Caleb and he is crying. My side hurts like a bitch.    "We need help over here!" Caleb's voice echos in the background. What happened? Was I shot? I was the one who was hit?!    "Fuck!" I grit between my teeth. "This hurts!" I bite my lip.    "Move!" More yelling, and I touch my side where I was hit. Gooey and wet. A lot of blood. "Ambulance is on it's way.", "How did she get a gun?", "Blaire. Look at me!", "She is restrained.", "Fatal shot.", "Blaire! Open your eyes!"    I open my eyes the best I can, and see Luke. I shut them not wanting to see him still. I don't wabt him to see me like this! Everyones voices are ringing in my ears. I distinctly remember hearing fatal shot.    "Loosing pulse.", "'To much blood.", "Get her on the stretcher.", "Take me with her!", "Running out of time!", "We gotta move her!", "Blaire!", I open my eyes again, and I see the sky above me moving extremely fast.  I look to my left, there is a man I do not recognize. I look to my right, a man I do recognize.    "Coffee shop guy?" I breath, and he glances down at me. Although it's not a happy to see you again look.    "I'm going with her!" I hear Luke in the background. I close my eyes having a heard time keep voices in my focus.  I cough and it send pains everywhere in my body.    ****   Luke's POV   "I'm going with her!" I push Crash out of my way. There is a terrible coughing sound. I swing my head up in her direction   "We're loosing her!" One of the men yell, as they cart her away. I run towards them, but Crash grabs me again.    "You can't! You need to finish your job!" Crash says. "I'll go. She'll be fine Smith. She is strong.    "No! She needs me!" I say again.    "I can't find a pulse, get the difibrillator ready!"  Text: My story line and character! Images: None of the image's are mine!!!! Editing: Me when the book is done! All rights reserved. Publication Date: April 19th 2021 https://www.bookrix.com/-kaylyn.9

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Carissa Ferguson Nobody Knows What It's Like To Be Me .. 'If you tell, I'll make sure that you regret it.' I cant believe daddy hurt my mommy like that! He's a meanie and I don't like him anymore! Every night I come downstairs to see her crying for hours and trying to stay happy infront of me but I know now why mommy wanted me to stay away. because Daddy is so mean and she wants me to stay safe. This has been happening for over a year now. Mommy said daddy hurt her because if mommy didn't let him, he'd come after me. I asked her why she wouldn't tell and she told me that if I or her told anyone what daddy does, he'd make us regret it. and through all this, mommy had me sleep in my room again thinking that nothing would happen but oh something happened. Daddy would sneak in and hit me. He'd hit me until the skin was black, blue and busted. He said it was his way of getting revenge for mommy keeping me away. The first night this started, I screamed but he covered my mouth and hissed 'if you ever do that again, I will kill you and your precious mommy. We wouldn't want that now would we?' So I gulped and let him hit me with his fists and kick me. Mommy knew this happened which made her cry more. She'd hug me and say she was so sorry and that she couldn't do anything without consequences. I turned 9 a few weeks ago but the only present I got was daddy not hitting me as hard as usual. My mom would beg and plead for him to stop and we wouldn't say a word but it was no use. He was here to stay and for as long as he's here, he's gonna keep on doing what he does. On top of that, my 'best friend' Ariana barely lets me sit with her anymore. When I do, all she does is question me about the cuts, bruises, and hand marks on my body. I would say that I'm clumbsy and I guess she just asked to annoy me. My teacher wonders but she doesn't ask, she knows that something goes on, she sees how sad I am but she doesn't bother to ask, to save me, to save me and my mommy from the demon that I'm forced to call daddy. I come home everyday to the same thing, my mommy screaming and crying from inside the guest bedroom, I've gotten used to it though. I don't get dinner, I get what I can find which is why I'm so scrawny and you can see my bones. My outfits that barely fit me and are tore, dirty, and shredded in some places which makes me look ugly. Mommy puts one spray of her watered out perfume on me to make me at least smell nice. I wonder what that phone call was and so I asked my mommy. Everything made sense, Everything. It was daddy on a pay phone and he got our number and tracked us down. He'd told mommy he was going to find us and when he did, he was going to torture us and make us feel the pain he felt all those years in prison because my mom turned him him. and I eventually mommy told me what daddy was doing to her, not hugging. It was called rape and what he does to me is abuse. Those have become the main things happening in my life right now. She said to watch out during the day of him because he won't go easy on me because I'm little or becaise I'm his own daughter! As the months went on, he would come into my room and spend a little extra time in there. He would put his hand my pants and rub all around and did the same thing with my shirt. He was really rough so it hurt the bruises that were already there. He was taking my childhood away from me. I was woke up by my mommy early in the morning. She made pancakes and It was soo good to eat something good and not made by me in the past year and a half. 'Mommy, why are we up so early?' I asked. 'Well because Daddy, ordered for me to make something nice.' She smiled, a real smile because she knew I was happy for once. 'Mommy, daddys been doing other stuff to me too..' She jumped up with the most concerned look, 'What kind of stuff?' 'Well he put his hand in my shirt and in my pants. It hurts because of the bruises there..' She got angry, her face literally turned a little red. 'Well, Just stay strong for me sweetie.' She forced out with a small tears. 'Well, here's Breakfast!' she smiled but it was that fake one again. I kissed her goodbye and said thank you for the delicious breakfast! 'Wait! You know what's in a few weeks?' She smiled 'What?' I couldn't remember anything. 'Your birthday honey!! I'm so excited, you're gonna be ten years old! That's double digits' She said smiling really big. I smiled again and left. It was my birthday soon huh? I was excited. On the bus, a new girl came and sat by me. 'Hi, my name is Amelia, you can call me Mia though,' she looked really nice too. 'Hi,' My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. 'Hi, my name is Cheyenne.' She looked at me wierd, 'you have a little brown on your face,' I wiped at my cheek and realized it was a bruise. 'Oh, thank you for letting me know' I said quietly. I took a quick look at her and noticed how clean she was, how nice her clothes were. Her family had money and lots of it, I could just tell. I turned back around at the window. I was wearing a skirt that barely covered me and a shirt that had sleeves that turned into a sleevless shirt because it was so small on me and it had lots of rips, holes, and stains on it. I could feel her hard stare look all over me at the bruises. Through the reflection of the window, I looked at her, I saw her look at my clothes, my bruises, cuts, hand prints covering me. She saw the dirt on me and my sad look, my fake smile. She saw it all. 'What happened? Where did all these bruises come from? Why are your clothes so dirty and ripped up?' She was killing me with questions. 'It's nothing, just don't worry about it' I gave the same answer my mom gave but it wasn't good enough for Mia. She was on a roll, just talking and talking and, oh yeah .. TALKING. I just asked her to stop but she wouldn't. I ignored her but she didn't make her stop talking. Just my luck, she was in my class, Mrs. Honey. Mrs. Honey introduced us to Mia. When everybody saw how rich she was and looked, they all tried to sit with her at lunch but Mia just came over by me again. I heavily sighed because I was so annoyed with her. 'Hi Cheyenne!' her perky self said. 'Hi.' I said sadly. 'What's with those bruises?' She asked once more. Right when I was gonna tell her all about my life, everyone came over to the table. 'I can't tell you with all these people' I tried to say over all of them complimenting Mia. Mia shooed them all away from me and ordered for them to go to the farthest table from us. They agreed like they were her slaves. 'So, we're all alone, tell me.' She smiled. 'Well.. please don't tell anyone.' I begged. 'No, don't worry, I won't!' She promised. 'Well my daddy was in jail, and he came into my mommys house with us. At night, when my mommy cries, he sneaks in my room and hits me and cuts me to get his anger out. He also rubs my private places. and he does stuff to my mommy too, if we ever tell, he said he'd make us regret it so please don't tell anyone or he'll get me and my mommy.' I barely took a breath while telling her. Her mouth dropped. 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I can see why you didn't want to tell anyone.' 'Yeah, well I'm gonna finish my lunch' I said stuffing my face. 'Okay.' She said. I though that she would get the message to leave but she didn't, she sat there. I guess I accepted it. I finished my lunch right when the bell rang for class, I glanced at Mia and could tell that her eyes were straight at me and were that way for quiet a while. I just hope that she doesn't tell anyone. I'm starting to regret telling her, I mean I barely know her. I can't judge a book by it's cover, I did the same thing to my daddy but it was different. He was the complete opposite of what I thought he was. The bell rang and I sat on the bus staring out the window, wishing I didn't have to go home. Mia sat beside me, I've had enough of this girl. 'Hi Cheyenne!' She squeaked. 'HI!' I yelled angrily. 'So how are you' 'You heard my story at lunch, how do you think I am?' I hissed. 'Oh, well I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk.' I was confused, she was actually expecting me to trust her. I've known her FOR A DAY and she wants me to put my trust in her. I don't think so. 'Kay thanks.' I murmured. I arrived home and Mia waved bye to me. I waved back but only to be polite. I'd realized that all she wants is to comfort me. I heard screaming that was louder than usual then I ran upstairs to my mommy. 'MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU!? WHAT'S HE DOING TO YOU?!' I slammed open the door to see my dad pointing a gun to my moms head. My mom ran to me and hugged and kissed me. 'I love you honey, more than you can ever imagine! I'm sorry, I tried to stand up for us and it backfired. It's the end for me. I love you' She sniffed and was crying so hard. 'Im sorry' she forced out of her mouth. She hugged and kissed me for a few minutes bawling her eyes out. Okay, now go out there. You aren't gonna see anymore of me' She choked on her words. 'Goodbye' she said trembling. I said goodbye and how much I loved her thinking she was just gonna go on a trip for a little while which worried me but there was a lot more in store than I'd thought. My dad pushed me out the door and slammed it in my face. I had to tell my mommy I love you one more time, I shoved the door open 'WAIT!' then BOOM, the gun went off. I saw my mom fall to the floor with blood out of her head, she opened her eyes half way, I ran to her and hugged her not caring about the blood that will get on me. 'I love you' I said crying. 'I lo-love you.' she coughing up blood. 'I love you too' she said. Her eyes slowly closed and I watched her as she took her last breath. I hugged her for half an hour until Daddy forced me off of her, I screamed and kicked and cried for my mommy. but she wasn't coming back, she was gone and it was ALL HIS FAULT. Wait until Mia hears this. But I shouldn't tell her. How would she know what it's like to be me? No One Knows What It's Like To Be Me . Text: Pictures are from Google Images (: All rights reserved. Publication Date: August 10th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-carissanichole.1

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Pedro Calderón de la Barca Life Is a Dream Translator Dennis Florence MacCarthy INTRODUCTION. Two of the dramas contained in this volume are the most celebrated of all Calderon's writings. The first, "La Vida es Sueno", has been translated into many languages and performed with success on almost every stage in Europe but that of England. So late as the winter of 1866-7, in a Russian version, it drew crowded houses to the great theatre of Moscow; while a few years earlier, as if to give a signal proof of the reality of its title, and that Life was indeed a Dream, the Queen of Sweden expired in the theatre of Stockholm during the performance of "La Vida es Sueno". In England the play has been much studied for its literary value and the exceeding beauty and lyrical sweetness of some passages; but with the exception of a version by John Oxenford published in "The Monthly Magazine" for 1842, which being in blank verse does not represent the form of the original, no complete translation into English has been attempted. Some scenes translated with considerable elegance in the metre of the original were published by Archbishop Trench in 1856; but these comprised only a portion of the graver division of the drama. The present version of the entire play has been made with the advantages which the author's long experience in the study and interpretation of Calderon has enabled him to apply to this master-piece of the great Spanish poet. All the forms of verse have been preserved; while the closeness of the translation may be inferred from the fact, that not only the whole play but every speech and fragment of a speech are represented in English in the exact number of lines of the original, without the sacrifice, it is to be hoped, of one important idea. A note by Hartzenbusch in the last edition of the drama published at Madrid (1872), tells that "La Vida es Sueno", is founded on a story which turns out to be substantially the same as that with which English students are familiar as the foundation of the famous Induction to the "Taming of the Shrew". Calderon found it however in a different work from that in which Shakespeare met with it, or rather his predecessor, the anonymous author of "The Taming of a Shrew", whose work supplied to Shakespeare the materials of his own comedy. On this subject Malone thus writes. "The circumstance on which the Induction to the anonymous play, as well as to the present Comedy [Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew"], is founded, is related (as Langbaine has observed) by Heuterus, "Rerum Burgund." lib. iv. The earliest English original of this story in prose that I have met with is the following, which is found in Goulart's "Admirable and Memorable Histories", translated by E. Grimstone, quarto, 1607; but this tale (which Goulart translated from Heuterus) had undoubtedly appeared in English, in some other shape, before 1594: "Philip called the good Duke of Burgundy, in the memory of our ancestors, being at Bruxelles with his Court, and walking one night after supper through the streets, accompanied by some of his favourites, he found lying upon the stones a certaine artisan that was very dronke, and that slept soundly. It pleased the prince in this artisan to make trial of the vanity of our life, whereof he had before discoursed with his familiar friends. He therefore caused this sleeper to be taken up, and carried into his palace; he commands him to be layed in one of the richest beds; a riche night cap to be given him; his foule shirt to be taken off, and to have another put on him of fine holland. When as this dronkard had digested his wine, and began to awake, behold there comes about his bed Pages and Groomes of the Duke's Chamber, who drawe the curteines, make many courtesies, and being bare-headed, aske him if it please him to rise, and what apparell it would please him to put on that day. They bring him rich apparell. This new Monsieur amazed at such courtesie, and doubting whether he dreamt or waked, suffered himselfe to be drest, and led out of the chamber. There came noblemen which saluted him with all honour, and conduct him to the Masse, where with great ceremonie they give him the booke of the Gospell, and the Pixe to kisse, as they did usually to the Duke. From the Masse they bring him back unto the pallace; he washes his hands, and sittes down at the table well furnished. After dinner, the Great Chamberlain commands cards to be brought with a great summe of money. This Duke in imagination playes with the chief of the Court. Then they carry him to walke in the gardein, and to hunt the hare, and to hawke. They bring him back into the pallace, where he sups in state. Candles being light the musitions begin to play; and the tables taken away, the gentlemen and gentlewomen fell to dancing. Then they played a pleasant comedie, after which followed a Banket, whereat they had presently store of Ipocras and pretious wine, with all sorts of confitures, to this prince of the new impression; so as he was dronke, and fell soundlie asleepe. Hereupon the Duke commanded that he should be disrobed of all his riche attire. He was put into his old ragges, and carried into the same place, where he had been found the night before; where he spent that night. Being awake in the morning, he began to remember what had happened before; he knewe not whether it were true indeede, or a dream that had troubled his braine. But in the end, after many discourses, he concludes that ALL WAS BUT A DREAME that had happened unto him; and so entertained his wife, his children, and his neighbours, without any other apprehension." It is curious to find that the same anecdote which formed the Induction to the original "Taming of a Shrew", and which, from a comic point of view, Shakespeare so wonderfully developed in his own comedy, Calderon invested with such solemn and sublime dignity in "La Vida es Sueno". He found it, as Senor Hartzenbusch points out in the edition of 1872 already quoted, in the very amusing "Viage Entretenido" of Augustin de Rojas, which was first published in 1603. Hartzenbusch refers to the modern edition of Rojas, Madrid, 1793, tomo I, pp. 261, 262, 263, but in a copy of the Lerida edition of 1615, in my own possession, I find the anecdote at folios 118, 119, 120. There are some slight differences between the version of Rojas and that of Goulart, but the incidents and the persons are the same. The conclusion to which the artizan arrived at, in the version of Goulart, that all had been a dream, is expressed more strongly by the Duke himself in the story as told by Rojas. "Y dijo entonces el Duque: 'veis aqui, amigos, "Lo que es el Mundo: Todo es un Sueno", pues esto verdaderamente ha pasado por este, como habeis visto, y le parece que lo ha sonado.'" - The story in all probability came originally from the East. Mr. Lane in his translation of the Thousand and One Nights gives a very interesting narrative which he believes to be founded on an historical fact in which Haroun Al Raschid plays the part of the good Duke of Burgundy, and Abu-l-Hasan the original of Christopher Sly. The gravity of the treatment and certain incidents in this Oriental story recall more strongly Calderon's drama than the Induction to the "Taming of the Shrew". "La Vida es Sueno" was first published either at the end of 1635 or beginning of 1636. The "Aprobacion" for its publication along with eleven other dramas (not nine as Archbishop Trench has stated), was signed on the 6th of November in the former year by the official licenser, Juan Bautista de Sossa. The volume was edited by the poet's brother, Don Joseph Calderon. So scarce has this first authorised collection of any of Calderon's dramas become, that a Spanish writer Don Vicente Garcia de la Huerta, in his "Teatro Espanol" (Parte Segunda, tomo 3o), denies the existence of this volume of 1635, and states that it did not appear until 1640. As if to corroborate this view, Barrera in his "Catalogo del Teatro antiguo Espanol" gives the date 1640 to the "Primera parte de comedias de Calderon" edited by his brother Joseph. There can be no doubt, however, that the volume appeared in 1635 or 1636 as stated. In 1637 Don Joseph Calderon published the "Second Part" of his brother's dramas containing like the former volume twelve plays.* In his dedication of this volume to D. Rodrigo de Mendoza, Joseph Calderon expressly alludes to the First Part of his brother's comedies which he had "printed." "En la primera Parte, Excellentissimo Senor, de las comedias que imprimi de Don Pedro Calderon de La Barca, mi hermano," etc. This of course settles the fact of the prior publication of the first Part. It is singular, however, to find that the most famous of all Calderon's dramas should have been frequently ascribed to Lope de Vega. So late as 1857 it is given in an Italian version by Giovanni La Cecilia, under the title of "La Vita e un Sogno", as a drama of Lope de Vega, with the date 1628. This of course is a mistake, but Senor Hartzenbusch, who makes no allusion to this circumstance, admits that two dramas of Lope de Vega, which it is presumed preceded the composition of Calderon's play turn on very nearly the same incidents as those of "La Vida es Sueno". These are "Lo que ha de ser", and "Barlan y Josafa". He gives a passage from each of these dramas which seem to be the germ of the fine lament of Sigismund, which the reader will find translated in the present volume. [footnote] *In the library of the British Museum there is a fine copy of this "Segunda Parte de Comedias de Don Pedro Calderon de la Barca" Madrid, 1637. Mr. Ticknor mentions (1863) that he too had a copy of this interesting volume. Senor Hartzenbusch, in the edition of Calderon's "La Vida es Sueno", already referred to (Madrid, 1872), prints the passages from Lope de Vega's two dramas, but in neither of them, he justly remarks, can we find anything that at all corresponds to this "grandioso caracter de Segismundo." The second drama in this volume, "The Wonderful Magician", is perhaps better known to poetical students in England than even the first, from the spirited fragment Shelley has left us in his "Scenes from Calderon." The preoccupation of a subject by a great master throws immense difficulties in the way of any one who ventures to follow in the same path: but as Shelley allowed himself great licence in his versification, and either from carelessness or an imperfect knowledge of Spanish is occasionally unfaithful to the meaning of his author, it may be hoped in my own version that strict fidelity both as to the form as well as substance of the original may be some compensation for the absence of those higher poetical harmonies to which many of my readers will have been accustomed. "El Magico Prodigioso" appeared for the first time in the same volume as "La Vida es Sueno", prepared for publication in 1635 by Don Joseph Calderon. The translation is comprised in the same number of lines as the original, and all the preceding remarks on "Life is a Dream", whether in reference to the period of the first publication of the drama in Spain, or the principles I kept in view while attempting this version may be applied to it. As in the Case of "Life is a Dream", "The Wonderful Magician" has previously been translated entire by an English writer, ("Justina", by J.H. 1848); but as Archbishop Trench truly observes, "the writer did not possess that command of the resources of the English language, which none more than Calderon requires." The Legend on which Calderon founded "El Magico Prodigioso" will be found in Surius, "De probatis Sanctorum historiis", t. V. (Col. Agr. 1574), p. 351: "Vita et Martyrium SS. Cypriani et Justinae, autore Simeone Metaphraste", and in Chapter cxlii, of the "Legenda Aurea" of Jacobus de Voragine "De Sancta Justina virgine". The martyrdom of the Saints took place in the year 290, and their festival is celebrated by the Church on the 26th of September. Mr. Ticknor in his History of Spanish Literature, 1863, volume ii. p. 369, says that the Wonder-working Magician is founded on "the same legend on which Milman has founded his 'Martyr of Antioch.'" This is a mistake of the learned writer. "The Martyr of Antioch" is founded not on the history of St. Justina but of Saint Margaret, as Milman himself expressly states. Chapter xciii., "De Sancta Margareta", in the "Legenda Aurea" of Jacobus de Voragine contains her story. The third translation in this volume is that of "The Purgatory of St. Patrick". This, though perhaps not so famous as the two preceding dramas, is intended to be given by Don P. De la Escosura, in a selection of Calderon's finest "comedias", now being edited by him for the Spanish Academy, as the representative piece of its class - namely, the mystical drama founded on the lives of Saints. Mr. Ticknor prefers it to the more celebrated "Devotion of the Cross," and says that it "is commonly ranked among the best religious plays of the Spanish theatre in the seventeenth century." In all that relates to the famous cave known through the middle ages as the "Purgatory of Saint Patrick", as well as the Story of Luis Enius - the Owain Miles of Ancient English poetry - Calderon was entirely indebted to the little volume published at Madrid, in 1627, by Juan Perez de Montalvan, entitled "Vida y Purgatorio de San Patricio". This singular work met with immense success. It went through innumerable editions, and continues to be reprinted in Spain as a chap-book, down to the present day. I have the fifth impression "improved and enlarged by the author himself," Madrid, 1628, the year after its first appearance: also a later edition, Madrid, 1664. As early as 1637 a French translation appeared at Brussels by "F. A. S. Chartreux, a Bruxelles." In 1642 a second French translation was published at Troyes, by "R. P. Francois Bouillon, de l'Ordre de S. Francois, et Bachelier de Theologie." Mr. Thomas Wright in his "Essay on St. Patrick's Purgatory," London, 1844, makes the singular mistake of supposing that Bouillon's "Histoire de la Vie et Purgatoire de S. Patrice" was founded on the drama of Calderon, it being simply a translation of Montalvan's "Vida y Purgatorio," from which, like itself, Calderon's play was derived. Among other translations of Montalvan's work may be mentioned one in Dutch (Brussels, 1668) and one in Portuguese (Lisbon, 1738). It was also translated into German and Italian, but I find no mention of an English version. For this reason I have thought that a few extracts might be interesting, as showing how closely Calderon adhered even to the language of his predecessor. In all that relates to the Purgatory, Montalvan's work is itself chiefly compiled from the "Florilegium Insulae Sanctorum, seu vitae et Actae sanctorum Hiberniae," Paris, 1624, fol. This work, which has now become scarce, was written by Thomas Messingham an Irish priest, the Superior of the Irish Seminary in Paris. No complete English version appears to have been made of it, but a small tract in English containing everything in the original work that referred to St. Patrick's Purgatory was published at Paris in 1718. As this tract is perhaps more scarce than even the Florilegium itself, the account of the Purgatory as given by Messingham from the MS. of Henry of Saltrey is reprinted in the notes to this drama in the quaint language of the anonymous translator. Of this tract, "printed at Paris in 1718" without the name of author, publisher or printer, I have not been able to trace another copy. In other points of interest connected with Calderon's drama, particularly to the clearing up of the difficulty hitherto felt as to the confused list of authorities at the end, the reader is also referred to the notes. The present version of "The Purgatory of Saint Patrick" is, with the exception of a few unimportant lines, an entirely new translation. It is made with the utmost care, imitating all the measures and contained, like the two preceding dramas, in the exact number of lines of the original. One passage of the translation which I published in 1853 is retained in the notes, as a tribute of respect to the memory of the late John Rutter Chorley, it having been mentioned with praise by that eminent Spanish scholar in an elaborate review of my earlier translations from Calderon, which appeared in the "Athenaeum", Nov. 19 and Nov. 26, 1853. It only remains to add that the text I have followed is that of Hartzenbusch in his edition of Calderon's Comedias, Madrid, 1856 ("Biblioteca de Autores Espanoles"). His arrangement of the scenes has been followed throughout, thus enabling the reader in a moment to verify for himself the exactness of the translation by a reference to the original, a crucial test which I rather invite than decline. CLAPHAM PARK, Easter, 1873. LIFE IS A DREAM. TO DON JUAN EUGENIO HARTZENBUSCH, POET, DRAMATIST, NOVELIST, AND CRITIC, THE MOST ILLUSTRIOUS OF LIVING SPANISH WRITERS, THIS TRANSLATION INTO ENGLISH IMITATIVE VERSE OF CALDERON'S MOST FAMOUS DRAMA, IS INSCRIBED, WITH THE ESTEEM AND REGARD OF THE AUTHOR. PERSONS. * * * * * BASILIUS, King of Poland. SIGISMUND, his Son. ASTOLFO, Duke of Muscovy. CLOTALDO, a Nobleman. ESTRELLA, a Princess. ROSAURA, a Lady. CLARIN, her Servant. Soldiers. Guards. Musicians. Attendants. Ladies. Servants. * * * * * The Scene is in the Court of Poland, in a fortress at some distance, and in the open field. LIFE IS A DREAM. * * * * * ACT THE FIRST. At one side a craggy mountain, at the other a tower, the lower part of which serves as the prison of Sigismund. The door facing the spectators is half open. The action commences at nightfall. SCENE I. ROSAURA, CLARIN. ROSAURA in man's attire appears on the rocky heights and descends to the plain. She is followed by CLARIN. ROSAURA. Wild hippogriff swift speeding, Thou that dost run, the winged winds exceeding, Bolt which no flash illumes, Fish without scales, bird without shifting plumes, And brute awhile bereft Of natural instinct, why to this wild cleft, This labyrinth of naked rocks, dost sweep Unreined, uncurbed, to plunge thee down the steep? Stay in this mountain wold, And let the beasts their Phaeton behold. For I, without a guide, Save what the laws of destiny decide, Benighted, desperate, blind. Take any path whatever that doth wind Down this rough mountain to its base, Whose wrinkled brow in heaven frowns in the sun's bright face. Ah, Poland! in ill mood Hast thou received a stranger, since in blood The name thou writest on thy sands Of her who hardly here fares hardly at thy hands. My fate may well say so:- But where shall one poor wretch find pity in her woe? CLARIN. Say two, if you please; Don't leave me out when making plaints like these. For if we are the two Who left our native country with the view Of seeking strange adventures, if we be The two who, madly and in misery, Have got so far as this, and if we still Are the same two who tumbled down this hill, Does it not plainly to a wrong amount, To put me in the pain and not in the account? ROSAURA. I do not wish to impart, Clarin, to thee, the sorrows of my heart; Mourning for thee would spoil the consolation Of making for thyself thy lamentation; For there is such a pleasure in complaining, That a philosopher I've heard maintaining One ought to seek a sorrow and be vain of it, In order to be privileged to complain of it. CLARIN. That same philosopher Was an old drunken fool, unless I err: Oh, that I could a thousand thumps present him, In order for complaining to content him! But what, my lady, say, Are we to do, on foot, alone, our way Lost in the shades of night? For see, the sun descends another sphere to light. ROSAURA. So strange a misadventure who has seen? But if my sight deceives me not, between These rugged rocks, half-lit by the moon's ray And the declining day, It seems, or is it fancy? that I see A human dwelling? CLARIN. So it seems to me, Unless my wish the longed-for lodging mocks. ROSAURA. A rustic little palace 'mid the rocks Uplifts its lowly roof, Scarce seen by the far sun that shines aloof. Of such a rude device Is the whole structure of this edifice, That lying at the feet Of these gigantic crags that rise to greet The sun's first beams of gold, It seems a rock that down the mountain rolled. CLARIN. Let us approach more near, For long enough we've looked at it from here; Then better we shall see If those who dwell therein will generously A welcome give us. ROSAURA. See an open door (Funereal mouth 'twere best the name it bore), From which as from a womb The night is born, engendered in its gloom. [The sound of chains is heard within.] CLARIN. Heavens! what is this I hear? ROSAURA. Half ice, half fire, I stand transfixed with fear. CLARIN. A sound of chains, is it not? Some galley-slave his sentence here hath got; My fear may well suggest it so may be. * * * * * SCENE II. SIGISMUND, [in the tower.] ROSAURA, CLARIN. SIGISMUND [within]. Alas! Ah, wretched me! Ah, wretched me! ROSAURA. Oh what a mournful wail! Again my pains, again my fears prevail. CLARIN. Again with fear I die. ROSAURA. Clarin! CLARIN. My lady! ROSAURA. Let us turn and fly The risks of this enchanted tower. CLARIN. For one, I scarce have strength to stand, much less to run. ROSAURA. Is not that glimmer there afar - That dying exhalation - that pale star - A tiny taper, which, with trembling blaze Flickering 'twixt struggling flames and dying rays, With ineffectual spark Makes the dark dwelling place appear more dark? Yes, for its distant light, Reflected dimly, brings before my sight A dungeon's awful gloom, Say rather of a living corse, a living tomb; And to increase my terror and surprise, Drest in the skins of beasts a man there lies: A piteous sight, Chained, and his sole companion this poor light. Since then we cannot fly, Let us attentive to his words draw nigh, Whatever they may be. [The doors of the tower open wide, and SIGISMUND is discovered in chains and clad in the skins of beasts. The light in the tower increases.] SIGISMUND. Alas! Ah, wretched me! Ah, wretched me! Heaven, here lying all forlorn, I desire from thee to know, Since thou thus dost treat me so, Why have I provoked thy scorn By the crime of being born?- Though for being born I feel Heaven with me must harshly deal, Since man's greatest crime on earth Is the fatal fact of birth - Sin supreme without appeal. This alone I ponder o'er, My strange mystery to pierce through; Leaving wholly out of view Germs my hapless birthday bore, How have I offended more, That the more you punish me? Must not other creatures be Born? If born, what privilege Can they over me allege Of which I should not be free? Birds are born, the bird that sings, Richly robed by Nature's dower, Scarcely floats - a feathered flower, Or a bunch of blooms with wings - When to heaven's high halls it springs, Cuts the blue air fast and free, And no longer bound will be By the nest's secure control:- And with so much more of soul, Must I have less liberty? Beasts are born, the beast whose skin Dappled o'er with beauteous spots, As when the great pencil dots Heaven with stars, doth scarce begin From its impulses within- Nature's stern necessity, To be schooled in cruelty,- Monster, waging ruthless war:- And with instincts better far Must I have less liberty? Fish are born, the spawn that breeds Where the oozy sea-weeds float, Scarce perceives itself a boat, Scaled and plated for its needs, When from wave to wave it speeds, Measuring all the mighty sea, Testing its profundity To its depths so dark and chill:- And with so much freer will, Must I have less liberty? Streams are born, a coiled-up snake When its path the streamlet finds, Scarce a silver serpent winds 'Mong the flowers it must forsake, But a song of praise doth wake, Mournful though its music be, To the plain that courteously Opes a path through which it flies:- And with life that never dies, Must I have less liberty? When I think of this I start, Aetna-like in wild unrest I would pluck from out my breast Bit by bit my burning heart:- For what law can so depart From all right, as to deny One lone man that liberty - That sweet gift which God bestows On the crystal stream that flows, Birds and fish that float or fly? ROSAURA. Fear and deepest sympathy Do I feel at every word. SIGISMUND. Who my sad lament has heard? What! Clotaldo! CLARIN [aside to his mistress]. Say 'tis he. ROSAURA. No, 'tis but a wretch (ah, me!) Who in these dark caves and cold Hears the tale your lips unfold. SIGISMUND. Then you'll die for listening so, That you may not know I know That you know the tale I told. [Seizes her.] Yes, you'll die for loitering near: In these strong arms gaunt and grim I will tear you limb from limb. CLARIN. I am deaf and couldn't hear:- No! ROSAURA. If human heart you bear, 'Tis enough that I prostrate me. At thy feet, to liberate me! SIGISMUND. Strange thy voice can so unbend me, Strange thy sight can so suspend me, And respect so penetrate me! Who art thou? for though I see Little from this lonely room, This, my cradle and my tomb. Being all the world to me, And if birthday it could be, Since my birthday I have known But this desert wild and lone, Where throughout my life's sad course I have lived, a breathing corse, I have moved, a skeleton; And though I address or see Never but one man alone, Who my sorrows all hath known, And through whom have come to me Notions of earth, sky, and sea; And though harrowing thee again, Since thou'lt call me in this den, Monster fit for bestial feasts, I'm a man among wild beasts, And a wild beast amongst men. But though round me has been wrought All this woe, from beasts I've learned Polity, the same discerned Heeding what the birds had taught, And have measured in my thought The fair orbits of the spheres; You alone, 'midst doubts and fears, Wake my wonder and surprise - Give amazement to my eyes, Admiration to my ears. Every time your face I see You produce a new amaze: After the most steadfast gaze, I again would gazer be. I believe some hydropsy Must affect my sight, I think Death must hover on the brink Of those wells of light, your eyes, For I look with fresh surprise, And though death result, I drink. Let me see and die: forgive me; For I do not know, in faith, If to see you gives me death, What to see you not would give me; Something worse than death would grieve me, Anger, rage, corroding care, Death, but double death it were, Death with tenfold terrors rife, Since what gives the wretched life, Gives the happy death, despair! ROSAURA. Thee to see wakes such dismay, Thee to hear I so admire, That I'm powerless to inquire, That I know not what to say: Only this, that I to-day, Guided by a wiser will, Have here come to cure my ill, Here consoled my grief to see, If a wretch consoled can be Seeing one more wretched still. Of a sage, who roamed dejected, Poor, and wretched, it is said, That one day, his wants being fed By the herbs which he collected, "Is there one" (he thus reflected) "Poorer than I am to-day?" Turning round him to survey, He his answer got, detecting A still poorer sage collecting Even the leaves he threw away. Thus complaining to excess, Mourning fate, my life I led, And when thoughtlessly I said To myself, "Does earth possess One more steeped in wretchedness?" I in thee the answer find. Since revolving in my mind, I perceive that all my pains To become thy joyful gains Thou hast gathered and entwined. And if haply some slight solace By these pains may be imparted,* Hear attentively the story Of my life's supreme disasters. I am .... [footnote] *The metre changes here to the vocal "asonante" in "a-e", and continues to the end of the Fourth Scene. * * * * * SCENE III. CLOTALDO, Soldiers, SIGISMUND, ROSAURA, CLARIN. CLOTALDO [within]. Warders of this tower, Who, or sleeping or faint-hearted, Give an entrance to two persons Who herein have burst a passage . . . . ROSAURA. New confusion now I suffer. SIGISMUND. 'Tis Clotaldo, who here guards me; Are not yet my miseries ended? CLOTALDO [within]. Hasten hither, quick! be active! And before they can defend them, Kill them on the spot, or capture! [Voices within.] Treason! CLARIN. Watchguards of this tower, Who politely let us pass here, Since you have the choice of killing Or of capturing, choose the latter. [Enter CLOTALDO and Soldiers; he with a pistol, and all with their faces covered.] CLOTALDO [aside to the Soldiers]. Keep your faces all well covered, For it is a vital matter That we should be known by no one, While I question these two stragglers. CLARIN. Are there masqueraders here? CLOTALDO. Ye who in your ignorant rashness Have passed through the bounds and limits Of this interdicted valley, 'Gainst the edict of the King, Who has publicly commanded None should dare descry the wonder That among these rocks is guarded, Yield at once your arms and lives, Or this pistol, this cold aspic Formed of steel, the penetrating Poison of two balls will scatter, The report and fire of which Will the air astound and startle. SIGISMUND. Ere you wound them, ere you hurt them, Will my life, O tyrant master, Be the miserable victim Of these wretched chains that clasp me; Since in them, I vow to God, I will tear myself to fragments With my hands, and with my teeth, In these rocks here, in these caverns, Ere I yield to their misfortunes, Or lament their sad disaster. CLOTALDO. If you know that your misfortunes, Sigismund, are unexampled, Since before being born you died By Heaven's mystical enactment; If you know these fetters are Of your furies oft so rampant But the bridle that detains them, But the circle that contracts them. Why these idle boasts? The door [To the Soldiers.] Of this narrow prison fasten; Leave him there secured. SIGISMUND. Ah, heavens, It is wise of you to snatch me Thus from freedom! since my rage 'Gainst you had become Titanic, Since to break the glass and crystal Gold-gates of the sun, my anger On the firm-fixed rocks' foundations Would have mountains piled of marble. CLOTALDO. 'Tis that you should not so pile them That perhaps these ills have happened, [Some of the SOLDIERS lead SIGISMUND into his prison, the doors of which are closed upon him.] * * * * * SCENE IV. ROSAURA, CLOTALDO, CLARIN, Soldiers. ROSAURA. Since I now have seen how pride Can offend thee, I were hardened Sure in folly not here humbly At thy feet for life to ask thee; Then to me extend thy pity, Since it were a special harshness If humility and pride, Both alike were disregarded. CLARIN. If Humility and Pride Those two figures who have acted Many and many a thousand times In the "autos sacramentales", Do not move you, I, who am neither Proud nor humble, but a sandwich Partly mixed of both, entreat you To extend to us your pardon. CLOTALDO. Ho! SOLDIERS. My lord? CLOTALDO. Disarm the two, And their eyes securely bandage, So that they may not be able To see whither they are carried. ROSAURA. This is, sir, my sword; to thee Only would I wish to hand it, Since in fine of all the others Thou art chief, and I could hardly Yield it unto one less noble. CLARIN. Mine I'll give the greatest rascal Of your troop: [To a Soldier.] so take it, you. ROSAURA. And if I must die, to thank thee For thy pity, I would leave thee This as pledge, which has its value From the owner who once wore it; That thou guard it well, I charge thee, For although I do not know What strange secret it may carry, This I know, that some great mystery Lies within this golden scabbard, Since relying but on it I to Poland here have travelled To revenge a wrong. CLOTALDO [aside.] Just heavens! What is this? Still graver, darker, Grow my doubts and my confusion, My anxieties and my anguish.- Speak, who gave you this? ROSAURA. A woman. CLOTALDO. And her name? ROSAURA. To that my answer Must be silence. CLOTALDO. But from what Do you now infer, or fancy, That this sword involves a secret? ROSAURA. She who gave it said: "Depart hence Into Poland, and by study, Stratagem, and skill so manage That this sword may be inspected By the nobles and the magnates Of that land, for you, I know, Will by one of them be guarded,"- But his name, lest he was dead, Was not then to me imparted. CLOTALDO [aside]. Bless me, Heaven! what's this I hear? For so strangely has this happened, That I cannot yet determine If 'tis real or imagined. This is the same sword that I Left with beauteous Violante, As a pledge unto its wearer, Who might seek me out thereafter, As a son that I would love him, And protect him as a father. What is to be done (ah, me!) In confusion so entangled, If he who for safety bore it Bears it now but to dispatch him, Since condemned to death he cometh To my feet? How strange a marvel! What a lamentable fortune! How unstable! how unhappy! This must be my son - the tokens All declare it, superadded To the flutter of the heart, That to see him loudly rappeth At the breast, and not being able With its throbs to burst its chamber, Does as one in prison, who, Hearing tumult in the alley, Strives to look from out the window; Thus, not knowing what here passes Save the noise, the heart uprusheth To the eyes the cause to examine - They the windows of the heart, Out through which in tears it glances. What is to be done? (O Heavens!) What is to be done? To drag him Now before the King were death; But to hide him from my master, That I cannot do, according To my duty as a vassal. Thus my loyalty and self-love Upon either side attack me; Each would win. But wherefore doubt? Is not loyalty a grander, Nobler thing than life, than honour? Then let loyalty live, no matter That he die; besides, he told me, If I well recall his language, That he came to revenge a wrong, But a wronged man is a lazar,- No, he cannot be my son, Not the son of noble fathers. But if some great chance, which no one Can be free from, should have happened, Since the delicate sense of honour Is a thing so fine, so fragile, That the slightest touch may break it, Or the faintest breath may tarnish, What could he do more, do more, He whose cheek the blue blood mantles, But at many risks to have come here It again to re-establish? Yes, he is my son, my blood, Since he shows himself so manly. And thus then betwixt two doubts A mid course alone is granted: 'Tis to seek the King, and tell him Who he is, let what will happen. A desire to save my honour May appease my royal master; Should he spare his life, I then Will assist him in demanding His revenge; but if the King Should, persisting in his anger, Give him death, then he will die Without knowing I'm his father.- [To ROSAURA and CLARIN.] Come, then, come then with me, strangers. Do not fear in your disasters That you will not have companions In misfortune; for so balanced Are the gains of life or death, That I know not which are larger. [Exeunt.] * * * * * SCENE V. A HALL IN THE ROYAL PALACE. [Enter at one side ASTOLFO and Soldiers, and at the other the INFANTA ESTRELLA and her Ladies. Military music and salutes within.] ASTOLFO. Struck at once with admiration At thy starry eyes outshining, Mingle many a salutation, Drums and trumpet-notes combining, Founts and birds in alternation; Wondering here to see thee pass, Music in grand chorus gathers All her notes from grove and grass: Here are trumpets formed of feathers, There are birds that breathe in brass. All salute thee, fair Senora, Ordnance as their Queen proclaim thee, Beauteous birds as their Aurora, As their Pallas trumpets name thee, And the sweet flowers as their Flora; For Aurora sure thou art, Bright as day that conquers night - Thine is Flora's peaceful part, Thou art Pallas in thy might, And as Queen thou rul'st my heart. ESTRELLA. If the human voice obeying Should with human action pair, Then you have said ill in saying All these flattering words and fair, Since in truth they are gainsaying This parade of victory, 'Gainst which I my standard rear, Since they say, it seems to me, Not the flatteries that I hear, But the rigours that I see. Think, too, what a base invention From a wild beast's treachery sprung,- Fraudful mother of dissension - Is to flatter with the tongue, And to kill with the intention. ASTOLFO. Ill informed you must have been, Fair Estrella, thus to throw Doubt on my respectful mien: Let your ear attentive lean While the cause I strive show. King Eustorgius the Fair, Third so called, died leaving two Daughters, and Basilius heir; Of his sisters I and you Are the children - I forbear To recall a single scene Save what's needful. Clorilene, Your good mother and my aunt, Who is now a habitant Of a sphere of sunnier sheen, Was the elder, of whom you Are the daughter; Recisunda, Whom God guard a thousand years, Her fair sister (Rosamunda Were she called if names were true) Wed in Muscovy, of whom I was born. 'Tis needful now The commencement to resume. King Basilius, who doth bow 'Neath the weight of years, the doom Age imposes, more inclined To the studies of the mind Than to women, wifeless, lone, Without sons, to fill his throne I and you our way would find. You, the elder's child, averred, That the crown you stood more nigh: I, maintaining that you erred, Held, though born of the younger, I, Being a man, should be preferred. Thus our mutual pretension To our uncle we related, Who replied that he would mention Here, and on this day he stated, What might settle the dissension. With this end, from Muscovy I set out, and with that view, I to-day fair Poland see, And not making war on you, Wait till war you make on me. Would to love - that God so wise - That the crowd may be a sure Astrologue to read the skies, And this festive truce secure Both to you and me the prize, Making you a Queen, but Queen By my will, our uncle leaving You the throne we'll share between - And my love a realm receiving Dearer than a King's demesne. ESTRELLA. Well, I must be generous too, For a gallantry so fine; This imperial realm you view, If I wish it to be mine 'Tis to give it unto you. Though if I the truth confessed, I must fear your love may fail - Flattering words are words at best, For perhaps a truer tale Tells that portrait on your breast. ASTOLFO. On that point complete content Will I give your mind, not here, For each sounding instrument [Drums are heard.] Tells us that the King is near, With his Court and Parliament. * * * * * SCENE VI. The KING BASILIUS, with his retinue. - ASTOLFO, ESTRELLA, Ladies, Soldiers. ESTRELLA. Learned Euclid . . . ASTOLFO. Thales wise . . ESTRELLA. The vast Zodiac . . . ASTOLFO. The star spaces . . . ESTRELLA. Who dost soar to . . . ASTOLFO. Who dost rise... ESTRELLA. The sun's orbit . . . ASTOLFO. The stars' places . . . ESTRELLA. To describe . . . ASTOLFO. To map the skies . . . ESTRELLA. Let me humbly interlacing . . . ASTOLFO. Let me lovingly embracing . . . ESTRELLA. Be the tendril of thy tree. ASTOLFO. Bend respectfully my knee. BASILIUS. Children, that dear word displacing Colder names, my arms here bless; And be sure, since you assented To my plan, my love's excess Will leave neither discontented, Or give either more or less. And though I from being old Slowly may the facts unfold, Hear in silence my narration, Keep reserved your admiration, Till the wondrous tale is told. You already know - I pray you Be attentive, dearest children,* Great, illustrious Court of Poland, Faithful vassals, friends and kinsmen, You already know - my studies Have throughout the whole world given me The high title of "the learned," Since 'gainst time and time's oblivion The rich pencils of Timanthes, The bright marbles of Lysippus, Universally proclaim me Through earth's bounds the great Basilius. You already know the sciences That I feel my mind most given to Are the subtle mathematics, By whose means my clear prevision Takes from rumour its slow office, Takes from time its jurisdiction Of, each day, new facts disclosing; Since in algebraic symbols When the fate of future ages On my tablets I see written, I anticipate time in telling What my science hath predicted. All those circles of pure snow, All those canopies of crystal, Which the sun with rays illumines, Which the moon cuts in its circles, All those orbs of twinkling diamond, All those crystal globes that glisten, All that azure field of stars Where the zodiac signs are pictured, Are the study of my life, Are the books where heaven has written Upon diamond-dotted paper, Upon leaves by sapphires tinted, With light luminous lines of gold, In clear characters distinctly All the events of human life, Whether adverse or benignant. These so rapidly I read That I follow with the quickness Of my thoughts the swiftest movements Of their orbits and their circles. Would to heaven, that ere my mind To those mystic books addicted Was the comment of their margins And of all their leaves the index, Would to heaven, I say, my life Had been offered the first victim Of its anger, that my death-stroke Had in this way have been given me, Since the unhappy find even merit Is the fatal knife that kills them, And his own self-murderer Is the man whom knowledge injures!- I may say so, but my story So will say with more distinctness, And to win your admiration Once again I pray you listen.- Clorilene, my wife, a son Bore me, so by fate afflicted That on his unhappy birthday All Heaven's prodigies assisted. Nay, ere yet to life's sweet life Gave him forth her womb, that living Sepulchre (for death and life Have like ending and beginning), Many a time his mother saw In her dreams' delirious dimness From her side a monster break, Fashioned like a man, but sprinkled With her blood, who gave her death, By that human viper bitten. Round his birthday came at last, All its auguries fulfilling (For the presages of evil Seldom fail or even linger): Came with such a horoscope, That the sun rushed blood-red tinted Into a terrific combat With the dark moon that resisted; Earth its mighty lists outspread As with lessening lights diminished Strove the twin-lamps of the sky. 'Twas of all the sun's eclipses The most dreadful that it suffered Since the hour its bloody visage Wept the awful death of Christ. For o'erwhelmed in glowing cinders The great orb appeared to suffer Nature's final paroxysm. Gloom the glowing noontide darkened, Earthquake shook the mightiest buildings, Stones the angry clouds rained down, And with blood ran red the rivers. In this frenzy of the sun, In its madness and delirium, Sigismund was born, thus early Giving proofs of his condition, Since his birth his mother slew, Just as if these words had killed her, "I am a man, since good with evil I repay here from the beginning,"- I, applying to my studies, Saw in them as 'twere forewritten This, that Sigismund would be The most cruel of all princes, Of all men the most audacious, Of all monarchs the most wicked; That his kingdom through his means Would be broken and partitioned, The academy of the vices, And the high school of sedition; And that he himself, borne onward By his crimes' wild course resistless, Would even place his feet on me; For I saw myself down-stricken, Lying on the ground before him (To say this what shame it gives me!) While his feet on my white hairs As a carpet were imprinted. Who discredits threatened ill, Specially an ill previsioned By one's study, when self-love Makes it his peculiar business?- Thus then crediting the fates Which far off my science witnessed, All these fatal auguries Seen though dimly in the distance, I resolved to chain the monster That unhappily life was given to, To find out if yet the stars Owned the wise man's weird dominion. It was publicly proclaimed That the sad ill-omened infant Was stillborn. I then a tower Caused by forethought to be builded 'Mid the rocks of these wild mountains Where the sunlight scarce can gild it, Its glad entrance being barred By these rude shafts obeliscal. All the laws of which you know, All the edicts that prohibit Anyone on pain of death That secluded part to visit Of the mountain, were occasioned By this cause, so long well hidden. There still lives Prince Sigismund, Miserable, poor, in prison. Him alone Clotaldo sees, Only tends to and speaks with him; He the sciences has taught him, He the Catholic religion Has imparted to him, being Of his miseries the sole witness. Here there are three things: the first I rate highest, since my wishes Are, O Poland, thee to save From the oppression, the affliction Of a tyrant King, because Of his country and his kingdom He were no benignant father Who to such a risk could give it. Secondly, the thought occurs That to take from mine own issue The plain right that every law Human and divine hath given him Is not Christian charity; For by no law am I bidden To prevent another proving, Say, a tyrant, or a villain, To be one myself: supposing Even my son should be so guilty, That he should not crimes commit I myself should first commit them. Then the third and last point is, That perhaps I erred in giving Too implicit a belief To the facts foreseen so dimly; For although his inclination Well might find its precipices, He might possibly escape them: For the fate the most fastidious, For the impulse the most powerful. Even the planets most malicious Only make free will incline, But can force not human wishes. And thus 'twist these different causes Vacillating and unfixed, I a remedy have thought of Which will with new wonder fill you. I to-morrow morning purpose, Without letting it be hinted That he is my son, and therefore Your true King, at once to fix him As King Sigismund (for the name Still he bears that first was given him) 'Neath my canopy, on my throne, And in fine in my position, There to govern and command you, Where in dutiful submission You will swear to him allegiance. My resources thus are triple, As the causes of disquiet Were which I revealed this instant. The first is; that he being prudent, Careful, cautious and benignant, Falsifying the wild actions That of him had been predicted, You'll enjoy your natural prince, He who has so long been living Holding court amid these mountains, With the wild beasts for his circle. Then my next resource is this: If he, daring, wild, and wicked, Proudly runs with loosened rein O'er the broad plain of the vicious, I will have fulfilled the duty Of my natural love and pity; Then his righteous deposition Will but prove my royal firmness, Chastisement and not revenge Leading him once more to the prison. My third course is this: the Prince Being what my words have pictured, From the love I owe you, vassals, I will give you other princes Worthier of the crown and sceptre; Namely, my two sisters' children, Who their separate pretensions Having happily commingled By the holy bonds of marriage, Will then fill their fit position. This is what a king commands you, This is what a father bids you, This is what a sage entreats you, This is what an old man wishes; And as Seneca, the Spaniard, Says, a king for all his riches Is but slave of his Republic, This is what a slave petitions. [footnote] *The metre changes here to the "asonante" in "i-e", or their vocal equivalents, and is kept up for the remainder of the Act. ASTOLFO. If on me devolves the answer, As being in this weighty business The most interested party, I, of all, express the opinion:- Let Prince Sigismund appear; He's thy son, that's all-sufficient. ALL. Give to us our natural prince, We proclaim him king this instant! BASILIUS. Vassals, from my heart I thank you For this deference to my wishes:- Go, conduct to their apartments These two columns of my kingdom, On to-morrow you shall see him. ALL. Live, long live great King Basilius! [Exeunt all, accompanying ESTRELLA and ASTOLFO; The King remains.] * * * * * SCENE VII. CLOTALDO, ROSAURA, CLARIN, and BASILIUS. CLOTALDO. May I speak to you, sire? BASILIUS. Clotaldo, You are always welcome with me. CLOTALDO. Although coming to your feet Shows how freely I'm admitted, Still, your majesty, this once, Fate as mournful as malicious Takes from privilege its due right, And from custom its permission. BASILIUS. What has happened? CLOTALDO. A misfortune, Sire, which has my heart afflicted At the moment when all joy Should have overflown and filled it. BASILIUS. Pray proceed. CLOTALDO. This handsome youth here, Inadvertently, or driven By his daring, pierced the tower, And the Prince discovered in it. Nay . . . . BASILIUS. Clotaldo, be not troubled At this act, which if committed At another time had grieved me, But the secret so long hidden Having myself told, his knowledge Of the fact but matters little. See me presently, for I Much must speak upon this business, And for me you much must do For a part will be committed To you in the strangest drama That perhaps the world e'er witnessed. As for these, that you may know That I mean not your remissness To chastise, I grant their pardon. [Exit.] CLOTALDO. Myriad years to my lord be given! * * * * * SCENE VIII. CLOTALDO, ROSAURA, and CLARIN. CLOTALDO [aside]. Heaven has sent a happier fate; Since I need not now admit it, I'll not say he is my son.- Strangers who have wandered hither, You are free. ROSAURA. I give your feet A thousand kisses. CLARIN. I say misses, For a letter more or less 'Twixt two friends is not considered. ROSAURA. You have given me life, my lord, And since by your act I'm living, I eternally will own me As your slave. CLOTALDO. The life I've given Is not really your true life, For a man by birth uplifted If he suffers an affront Actually no longer liveth; And supposing you have come here For revenge as you have hinted, I have not then given you life, Since you have not brought it with you, For no life disgraced is life.- [Aside.] (This I say to arouse his spirit.) ROSAURA. I confess I have it not, Though by you it has been given me; But revenge being wreaked, my honour I will leave so pure and limpid, All its perils overcome, That my life may then with fitness Seem to be a gift of yours. CLOTALDO. Take this burnished sword which hither You brought with you; for I know, To revenge you, 'tis sufficient, In your enemy's blood bathed red; For a sword that once was girded Round me (I say this the while That to me it was committed), Will know how to right you. ROSAURA. Thus In your name once more I gird it, And on it my vengeance swear, Though the enemy who afflicts me Were more powerful. CLOTALDO. Is he so? ROSAURA. Yes; so powerful, I am hindered Saying who he is, not doubting Even for greater things your wisdom And calm prudence, but through fear Lest against me your prized pity Might be turned. CLOTALDO. 'Twill rather be, By declaring it, more kindled; Otherwise you bar the passage 'Gainst your foe of my assistance.- [Aside.] (Would that I but knew his name!) ROSAURA. Not to think I set so little Value on such confidence, Know my enemy and my victim Is no less than Prince Astolfo, Duke of Muscovy. CLOTALDO [aside]. Resistance Badly can my grief supply Since 'tis heavier than I figured. Let us sift the matter deeper.- If a Muscovite by birth, then He who is your natural lord Could not 'gainst you have committed Any wrong; reseek your country, And abandon the wild impulse That has driven you here. ROSAURA. I know, Though a prince, he has committed 'Gainst me a great wrong. CLOTALDO. He could not, Even although your face was stricken By his angry hand. [Aside.] (Oh, heavens!) ROSAURA. Mine's a wrong more deep and bitter. CLOTALDO. Tell it, then; it cannot be Worse than what my fancy pictures. ROSAURA. I will tell it; though I know not, With the respect your presence gives me, With the affection you awaken, With the esteem your worth elicits, How with bold face here to tell you That this outer dress is simply An enigma, since it is not What it seems. And from this hint, then, If I'm not what I appear, And Astolfo with this princess Comes to wed, judge how by him I was wronged: I've said sufficient. [Exeunt ROSAURA and CLARIN.] CLOTALDO. Listen! hear me! wait! oh, stay! What a labyrinthine thicket Is all this, where reason gives Not a thread whereby to issue? My own honour here is wronged, Powerful is my foe's position, I a vassal, she a woman; Heaven reveal some way in pity, Though I doubt it has the power; When in such confused abysses, Heaven is all one fearful presage, And the world itself a riddle. * * * * * ACT THE SECOND. A HALL IN THE ROYAL PALACE. * * * * * SCENE I. BASILIUS and CLOTALDO. CLOTALDO. Everything has been effected As you ordered. BASILIUS. How all happened* Let me know, my good Clotaldo. [footnote] *The metre of this and the following scene is the asonante in a-e. CLOTALDO. It was done, sire, in this manner. With the tranquillising draught, Which was made, as you commanded, Of confections duly mixed With some herbs, whose juice extracted Has a strange tyrannic power, Has some secret force imparted, Which all human sense and speech Robs, deprives, and counteracteth, And as 'twere a living corpse leaves the man whose lips have quaffed it So asleep that all his senses, All his powers are overmastered . . . . - No need have we to discuss That this fact can really happen, Since, my lord, experience gives us Many a clear and proved example; Certain 'tis that Nature's secrets May by medicine be extracted, And that not an animal, Not a stone, or herb that's planted, But some special quality Doth possess: for if the malice Of man's heart, a thousand poisons That give death, hath power to examine, Is it then so great a wonder That, their venom being abstracted, If, as death by some is given, Sleep by others is imparted? Putting, then, aside the doubt That 'tis possible this should happen, A thing proved beyond all question Both by reason and example . . . . - With the sleeping draught, in fine, Made of opium superadded To the poppy and the henbane, I to Sigismund's apartment - Cell, in fact - went down, and with him Spoke awhile upon the grammar Of the sciences, those first studies Which mute Nature's gentle masters, Silent skies and hills, had taught him; In which school divine and ample, The bird's song, the wild beast's roar, Were a lesson and a language. Then to raise his spirit more To the high design you planned here, I discoursed on, as my theme, The swift flight, the stare undazzled Of a pride-plumed eagle bold, Which with back-averted talons, Scorning the tame fields of air, Seeks the sphere of fire, and passes Through its flame a flash of feathers, Or a comet's hair untangled. I extolled its soaring flight, Saying, "Thou at last art master Of thy house, thou'rt king of birds, It is right thou should'st surpass them." He who needed nothing more Than to touch upon the matter Of high royalty, with a bearing As became him, boldly answered; For in truth his princely blood Moves, excites, inflames his ardour To attempt great things: he said, "In the restless realm of atoms Given to birds, that even one Should swear fealty as a vassal! I, reflecting upon this, Am consoled by my disasters, For, at least, if I obey, I obey through force: untrammelled, Free to act, I ne'er will own Any man on earth my master."- This, his usual theme of grief, Having roused him nigh to madness, I occasion took to proffer The drugged draught: he drank, but hardly Had the liquor from the vessel Passed into his breast, when fastest Sleep his senses seized, a sweat, Cold as ice, the life-blood hardened In his veins, his limbs grew stiff, So that, knew I not 'twas acted, Death was there, feigned death, his life I could doubt not had departed. Then those, to whose care you trust This experiment, in a carriage Brought him here, where all things fitting The high majesty and the grandeur Of his person are provided. In the bed of your state chamber They have placed him, where the stupor Having spent its force and vanished, They, as 'twere yourself, my lord, Him will serve as you commanded: And if my obedient service Seems to merit some slight largess, I would ask but this alone (My presumption you will pardon), That you tell me, with what object Have you, in this secret manner, To your palace brought him here? BASILIUS. Good Clotaldo, what you ask me Is so just, to you alone I would give full satisfaction. Sigismund, my son, the hard Influence of his hostile planet (As you know) doth threat a thousand Dreadful tragedies and disasters; I desire to test if Heaven (An impossible thing to happen) Could have lied - if having given us Proofs unnumbered, countless samples Of his evil disposition, He might prove more mild, more guarded At the lest, and self-subdued By his prudence and true valour Change his character; for 'tis man That alone controls the planets. This it is I wish to test, Having brought him to this palace, Where he'll learn he is my son, And display his natural talents. If he nobly hath subdued him, He will reign; but if his manners Show him tyrannous and cruel, Then his chains once more shall clasp him. But for this experiment, Now you probably will ask me Of what moment was't to bring him Thus asleep and in this manner? And I wish to satisfy you, Giving all your doubts an answer. If to-day he learns that he Is my son, and some hours after Finds himself once more restored To his misery and his shackles, Certain 'tis that from his temper Blank despair may end in madness - But once knowing who he is, Can he be consoled thereafter? Yes, and thus I wish to leave One door open, one free passage, By declaring all he saw Was a dream. With this advantage We attain two ends. The first Is to put beyond all cavil His condition, for on waking He will show his thoughts, his fancies: To console him is the second; Since, although obeyed and flattered, He beholds himself awhile, And then back in prison shackled Finds him, he will think he dreamed. And he rightly so may fancy, For, Clotaldo, in this world All who live but dream they act here. CLOTALDO. Reasons fail me not to show That the experiment may not answer; But there is no remedy now, For a sign from the apartment Tells me that he hath awoken And even hitherward advances. BASILIUS. It is best that I retire; But do you, so long his master, Near him stand; the wild confusion That his waking sense may darken Dissipate by simple truth. CLOTALDO. Then your licence you have granted That I may declare it? BASILIUS. Yes; For it possibly may happen That admonished of his danger He may conquer his worst passions. [Exit] * * * * * SCENE II. CLARIN and CLOTALDO. CLARIN [aside]. Four good blows are all it cost me To come here, inflicted smartly By a red-robed halberdier, With a beard to match his jacket, At that price I see the show, For no window's half so handy As that which, without entreating Tickets of the ticket-master, A man carried with himself; Since for all the feasts and galas Cool effrontery is the window Whence at ease he gazes at them. CLOTALDO [aside]. This is Clarin, heavens! of her, Yes, I say, of her the valet, She, who dealing in misfortunes, Has my pain to Poland carried:- Any news, friend Clarin? CLARIN. News? Yes, sir, since your great compassion Is disposed Rosaura's outrage To revenge, she has changed her habit, And resumed her proper dress. CLOTALDO. 'Tis quite right, lest possible scandal Might arise. CLARIN. More news: her name Having changed and wisely bartered For your niece's name, she now So in honour has advanced her, That among Estrella's ladies She here with her in the palace Lives. CLOTALDO. 'Tis right that I once more Should her honour re-establish. CLARIN. News; that anxiously she waiteth For that very thing to happen, When you may have time to try it. CLOTALDO. Most discreetly has she acted; Soon the time will come, believe me, Happily to end this matter. CLARIN. News, too; that she's well regaled, Feasted like a queen, and flattered On the strength of being your niece. And the last news, and the saddest, Is that I who here came with her Am with hunger almost famished. None remember me, or think I am Clarin, clarion rather, And that if that clarion sounded, All the Court would know what passes. For there are two things, to wit, A brass clarion and a lackey, That are bad at keeping secrets; And it so may chance, if haply I am forced to break my silence, They of me may sing this passage: "Never, when the day is near, Does clarion sound more clear."* *[footnote] *"Clarin, que rompe el albor, No suena mejor."- This is a quotation by Calderon from his own drama, "En esta vida todo es verdad y todo mentira." - Act 2, sc. x. CLOTALDO. Your complaint is too well-founded; I will get you satisfaction, Meanwhile you may wait on me. CLARIN. See, sir, Sigismund advances. * * * * * SCENE III. [Music and song.] SIGISMUND enters, lost in amazement. Servants minister to him, presenting costly robes. -CLOTALDO, and CLARIN. SIGISMUND. Help me, Heaven, what's this I see! Help me, Heaven, what's this I view! Things I scarce believe are true, But, if true, which fright not me. I in palaces of state? I 'neath silks and cloth of gold? I, around me, to behold Rich-robed servants watch and wait? I so soft a bed to press While sweet sleep my senses bowed? I to wake in such a crowd, Who assist me even to dress? 'Twere deceit to say I dream, Waking I recall my lot, I am Sigismund, am I not? Heaven make plain what dark doth seem! Tell me, what has phantasy - Wild, misleading, dream-adept - So effected while I slept, That I still the phantoms see? But let that be as it may, Why perplex myself and brood? Better taste the present good, Come what will some other day. FIRST SERVANT [aside to the' Second Servant, and to CLARIN]. What a sadness doth oppress him! SECOND SERVANT. Who in such-like case would be Less surprised and sad than he? CLARIN. I for one. SECOND SERVANT [to the First]. You had best address him. FIRST SERVANT [to SIGISMUND]. May they sing again? SIGISMUND. No, no; I don't care to hear them sing. SECOND SERVANT. I conceived the song might bring To your thought some ease. SIGISMUND. Not so; Voiced that but charm the ear Cannot soothe my sorrow's pain; 'Tis the soldier's martial strain That alone I love to hear. CLOTALDO. May your Highness, mighty Prince, Deign to let me kiss your hand, I would first of all this land My profound respect evince. SIGISMUND [aside]. 'Tis my gaoler! how can he Change his harshness and neglect To this language of respect? What can have occurred to me? CLOTALDO. The new state in which I find you Must create a vague surprise, Doubts unnumbered must arise To bewilder and to blind you; I would make your prospect fair, Through the maze a path would show, Thus, my lord, 'tis right you know That you are the prince and heir Of this Polish realm: if late You lay hidden and concealed 'Twas that we were forced to yield To the stern decrees of fate, Which strange ills, I know not how, Threatened on this land to bring Should the laurel of a king Ever crown thy princely brow. Still relying on the power Of your will the stars to bind, For a man of resolute mind Can them bind how dark they lower; To this palace from your cell In your life-long turret keep They have borne you while dull sleep Held your spirit in its spell. Soon to see you and embrace Comes the King, your father, here - He will make the rest all clear. SIGISMUND. Why, thou traitor vile and base, What need I to know the rest, Since it is enough to know Who I am my power to show, And the pride that fills my breast? Why this treason brought to light Has thou to thy country done, As to hide from the King's son, 'Gainst all reason and all right, This his rank? CLOTALDO. Oh, destiny! SIGISMUND. Thou the traitor's part has played 'Gainst the law; the King betrayed, And done cruel wrong to me; Thus for each distinct offence Have the law, the King, and I Thee condemned this day to die By my hands. SECOND SERVANT. Prince . . . . SIGISMUND No pretence Shall undo the debt I owe you. Catiff, hence! By Heaven! I say, If you dare to stop my way From the window I will throw you. SECOND SERVANT. Fly, Clotaldo! CLOTALDO. Woe to thee, In thy pride so powerful seeming, Without knowing thou art dreaming! [Exit. SECOND SERVANT. Think . . . . SIGISMUND. Away! don't trouble me. SECOND SERVANT. He could not the King deny. SIGISMUND. Bade to do a wrongful thing He should have refused the King; And, besides, his prince was I. SECOND SERVANT. 'Twas not his affair to try If the act was wrong or right. SIGISMUND. You're indifferent, black or white, Since so pertly you reply. CLARIN. What the Prince says is quite true, What you do is wrong, I say. SECOND SERVANT. Who gave you this licence, pray? CLARIN. No one gave; I took it. SIGISMUND. Who Art thou, speak? CLARIN. A meddling fellow, Prating, prying, fond of scrapes, General of all jackanapes, And most merry when most mellow. SIGISMUND. You alone in this new sphere Have amused me. CLARIN. That's quite true, sir, For I am the great amuser Of all Sigismunds who are here. * * * * * SCENE IV. ASTOLFO, SIGISMUND, CLARIN, Servants, and Musicians. ASTOLFO. Thousand tunes be blest the day, Prince, that gives thee to our sight, Sun of Poland, whose glad light Makes this whole horizon gay, As when from the rosy fountains Of the dawn the stream-rays run, Since thou issuest like the sun From the bosom of the mountains! And though late do not defer With thy sovran light to shine; Round thy brow the laurel twine - Deathless crown. SIGISMUND. God guard thee, sir. ASTOLFO. In not knowing me I o'erlook, But alone for this defect, This response that lacks respect, And due honour. Muscovy's Duke Am I, and your cousin born, Thus my equal I regard thee. SIGISMUND. Did there, when I said "God guard thee," Lie concealed some latent scorn? - Then if so, now having got Thy big name, and seeing thee vexed, When thou com'st to see me next I will say God guard thee not. SECOND SERVANT [to ASTOLFO]. Think, your Highness, if he errs Thus, his mountain birth's at fault, Every word is an assault. [To SIGISMUND.] Duke Astolfo, sir, prefers . . . . SIGISMUND. Tut! his talk became a bore, Nay his act was worse than that, He presumed to wear his hat. SECOND SERVANT. As grandee. SIGISMUND. But I am more. SECOND SERVANT. Nevertheless respect should be Much more marked betwixt ye two Than 'twixt others. SIGISMUND. And pray who Asked your meddling thus with me? * * * * * SCENE V. ESTRELLA. - THE SAME. ESTRELLA. Welcome may your Highness be, Welcomed oft to this thy throne, Which long longing for its own Finds at length its joy in thee; Where, in spite of bygone fears, May your reign be great and bright, And your life in its long flight Count by ages, not by years. SIGISMUND (to CLARIN). Tell me, thou, say, who can be This supreme of loveliness - Goddess in a woman's dress - At whose feet divine we see Heaven its choicest gifts doth lay?- This sweet maid? Her name declare. CLARIN. 'Tis your star-named* cousin fair. [footnote] *'Estrella', which means star in Spanish. SIGISMUND. Nay, the sun, 'twere best to say.- [To ESTRELLA.] Though thy sweet felicitation Adds new splendour to my throne, 'Tis for seeing thee alone That I merit gratulation; Therefore I a prize have drawn That I scarce deserved to win, And am doubly blessed therein:- Star, that in the rosy dawn Dimmest with transcendent ray Orbs that brightest gem the blue, What is left the sun to do, When thou risest with the day?- Give me then thy hand to kiss, In whose cup of snowy whiteness Drinks the day delicious brightness. ESTRELLA. What a courtly speech is this? ASTOLFO [aside]. If he takes her hand I feel I am lost. SECOND SERVANT [aside]. Astolfo's grief I perceive, and bring relief:- Think, my lord, excuse my zeal, That perhaps this is too free, Since Astolfo . . . . SIGISMUND. Did I say Woe to him that stops my way?- SECOND SERVANT. What I said was just. SIGISMUND. To me This is tiresome and absurd. Nought is just, or good or ill, In my sight that balks my will. SECOND SERVANT. Why, my lord, yourself I heard Say in any righteous thing It was proper to obey. SIGISMUND. You must, too, have heard me say Him I would from window throw Who should tease me or defy? SECOND SERVANT. Men like me perhaps might show That could not be done, sir. SIGISMUND. No? Then, by Heaven, at least, I'll try! [He seizes him in his arms and rushes to the side. All follow, and return immediately.] ASTOLFO. What is this I see? Oh, woe! ESTRELLA. Oh, prevent him! Follow me! [Exit.] SIGISMUND. [returning]. From the window into the sea He has fallen; I told him so. ASTOLFO. These strange bursts of savage malice You should regulate, if you can; Wild beasts are to civilised man As rude mountains to a palace. SIGISMUND. Take a bit of advice for that: Pause ere such bold words are said, Lest you may not have a head Upon which to hang your hat. [Exit ASTOLFO.] * * * * * SCENE VI. BASILIUS, SIGISMUND, and CLARIN. BASILIUS. What's all this? SIGISMUND. A trifling thing: One who teased and thwarted me I have just thrown into the sea. CLARIN [to SIGISMUND]. Know, my lord, it is the King. BASILIUS. Ere the first day's sun hath set, Has thy coming cost a life? SIGISMUND Why he dared me to the strife, And I only won the bet. BASILIUS. Prince, my grief, indeed is great, Coming here when I had thought That admonished thou wert taught To o'ercome the stars and fate, Still to see such rage abide In the heart I hoped was free, That thy first sad act should be A most fearful homicide. How could I, by love conducted, Trust me to thine arms' embracing, When their haughty interlacing, Has already been instructed How to kill? For who could see, Say, some dagger bare and bloody, By some wretch's heart made ruddy, But would fear it? Who is he, Who may happen to behold On the ground the gory stain Where another man was slain But must shudder? The most bold Yields at once to Nature's laws; Thus I, seeing in your arms The dread weapon that alarms, And the stain, must fain withdraw; And though in embraces dear I would press you to my heart, I without them must depart, For, alas! your arms I fear. SIGISMUND. Well, without them I must stay, As I've staid for many a year, For a father so severe, Who could treat me in this way, Whose unfeeling heart could tear me From his side even when a child, Who, a denizen of the wild, As a monster there could rear me, Any by many an artful plan Sought my death, it cannot grieve me Much his arms will not receive me Who has scarcely left me man. BASILIUS. Would to God it had not been Act of mine that name conferred, Then thy voice I ne'er had heard, Then thy boldness ne'er had seen. SIGISMUND. Did you manhood's right retain, I would then have nought to say, But to give and take away Gives me reason to complain; For although to give with grace Is the noblest act 'mongst men, To take back the gift again Is the basest of the base. BASILIUS. This then is thy grateful mood For my changing thy sad lot To a prince's! SIGISMUND. And for what Should I show my gratitude! Tyrant of my will o'erthrown, If thou hoary art and gray, Dying, what do'st give me? Say, Do'st thou give what's not mine own? Thou'rt my father and my King, Then the pomp these walls present Comes to me by due descent As a simple, natural thing. Yes, this sunshine pleaseth me, But 'tis not through thee I bask; Nay, a reckoning I might ask For the life, love, liberty That through thee I've lost so long: Thine 'tis rather to thank me, That I do not claim from thee Compensation for my wrong. BASILIUS. Still untamed and uncontrolled;- Heaven fulfils its word I feel, I to that same court appeal 'Gainst thy taunts, thou vain and bold, But although the truth thou'st heard, And now know'st thy name and race, And do'st see thee in this place, Where to all thou art preferred, Yet be warned, and on thee take Ways more mild and more beseeming, For perhaps thou art but dreaming, When it seems that thou'rt awake. [Exit.] SIGISMUND. Is this, then, a phantom scene? - Do I wake in seeming show?- No, I dream not, since I know What I am and what I've been. And although thou should'st repent thee, Remedy is now too late. Who I am I know, and fate, Howsoe'er thou should'st lament thee, Cannot take from me my right Of being born this kingdom's heir. If I saw myself erewhile Prisoned, bound, kept out of sight, 'Twas that never on my mind Dawned the truth; but now I know Who I am - a mingled show Of the man and beast combined. * * * * * SCENE VII. ROSAURA, in female attire; SIGISMUND, CLARIN, and Servants. ROSAURA [aside.] To wait upon Estrella I come here, And lest I meet Astolfo tremble with much fear; Clotaldo's wishes are The Duke should know me not, and from afar See me, if see he must. My honour is at stake, he says; my trust Is in Clotaldo's truth. He will protect my honour and my youth. CLARIN [to SIGISMUND]. Of all this palace here can boast, All that you yet have seen, say which has pleased you most? SIGISMUND. Nothing surprised me, nothing scared, Because for everything I was prepared; But if I felt for aught, or more or less Of admiration, 'twas the loveliness Of woman; I have read Somewhere in books on which my spirit fed, That which caused God the greatest care to plan, Because in him a little world he formed, was man; But this were truer said, unless I err, Of woman, for a little heaven he made in her; She who in beauty from her birth Surpasses man as heaven surpasseth earth; Nay, more, the one I see. ROSAURA [aside]. The Prince is here; I must this instant flee. SIGISMUND. Hear, woman! stay; Nor wed the western with the orient ray, Flying with rapid tread; For joined the orient rose and western red, The light and the cold gloom, The day will sink untimely to its tomb. But who is this I see? ROSAURA [aside]. I doubt and yet believe that it is he. SIGISMUND [aside]. This beauty I have seen Some other time. ROSAURA [aside]. This proud, majestic mien, This form I once saw bound Within a narrow cell. SIGISMUND [aside]. My life I have found.- Woman, the sweetest name That man can breathe, or flattering language frame, Who art thou? for before I see thee, I believe and I adore; Faith makes my love sublime, Persuading me we've met some other time. Fair woman, speak; my will must be obeyed. ROSAURA. In bright Estrella's train a hapless maid.- [Aside.] He must not know my name. SIGISMUND. The sun, say rather, of that star whose flame, However bright its blaze Is but the pale reflection of thy rays. In the fair land of flowers, The realm of sweets that lies in odorous bowers, The goddess rose I have seen By right divine of beauty reign as queen. I have seen where brightest shine Gems, the assembled glories of the mine, The brilliant throng elect the diamond king For the superior splendour it doth fling. Amid the halls of light, Where the unresting star-crowds meet at night, I have seen fair Hesper rise And take the foremost place of all the skies. And in that higher zone Where the sun calls the planets round his throne, I have seen, with sovereign sway, That he presides the oracle of the day. How, then, 'mid flowers of earth or stars of air, 'Mid stones or suns, if that which is most fair The preference gains, canst thou Before a lesser beauty bend and bow, When thine own charms compose Something more bright than sun, stone, star, or rose? * * * * * SCENE VIII. CLOTALDO, who remains at the side-scene; SIGISMUND, CLARIN, and Servants. CLOTALDO [aside]. To calm Prince Sigismund devolves on me, Because 'twas I who reared him: - What do I see? ROSAURA. Thy favour, sir, I prize; To thee the silence of my speech replies; For when the reason's dull, the mind depressed, He best doth speak who keeps his silence best. SIGISMUND. You must not leave me. Stay: What! would you rob my senses of the ray Your beauteous presence gave? ROSAURA. That licence, from your Highness, I must crave. SIGISMUND. The violent efforts that you make Show that you do not ask the leave you take. ROSAURA. I hope to take it, if it is not given. SIGISMUND. You rouse my courtesy to rage, by heaven!- In me resistance, as it were, distils A cruel poison that my patience kills. ROSAURA. Then though that poison may be strong, The source of fury, violence, and wrong, Potent thy patience to subdue, It dare not the respect to me that's due. SIGISMUND. As if to show I may, You take the terror of your charms away. For I am but too prone To attempt the impossible; I to-day have thrown Out of this window one who said, like you, I dare not do the thing I said I would do. Now just to show I can, I may throw out your honour, as the man. CLOTALDO [aside]. More obstinate doth he grow; What course to take, O heavens! I do not know, When wild desire, nay, crime, Perils my honour for the second time. ROSAURA. Not vainly, as I see, This hapless land was warned thy tyranny In fearful scandals would eventuate, In wrath and wrong, in treachery, rage and hate. But who in truth could claim Aught from a man who is but a man in name, Audacious, cruel, cold, Inhuman, proud, tyrannical and bold, 'Mong beasts a wild beast born?- SIGISMUND. It was to save me from such words of scorn So courteously I spoke, Thinking to bind you by a gentler yoke; But if I am in aught what you have said, Then, as God lives, I will be all you dread. Ho, there! here leave us. See to it at your cost, The door be locked; let no one in. [Exeunt CLARIN and the attendants.] ROSAURA. I'm lost! Consider . . . . SIGISMUND. I'm a despot, and 'tis vain You strive to move me, or my will restrain. CLOTALDO [aside]. Oh, what a moment! what an agony! I will go forth and stop him though I die. [He advances.] My lord, consider, stay . . . . SIGISMUND. A second time you dare to cross my way. Old dotard: do you hold My rage in such slight awe you are so bold? What brought you hither? Speak! CLOTALDO. The accents of this voice, however weak, To tell you to restrain Your passions, if as King you wish to reign,- Not to be cruel, though you deem Yourself the lord of all, for all may be a dream. SIGISMUND. You but provoke my rage By these old saws, the unwelcome light of age, In killing you, at least I'll see If 'tis a dream or truth. [As he is about to draw his dagger CLOTALDO detains it, and throws himself on his knees.] CLOTALDO. Sole hope for me To save my life is thus to humbly kneel. SIGISMUND. Take your audacious hand from off my steel. CLOTALDO. Till some kind aid be sent, Till some one come who may your rage prevent, I will not loose my hold. ROSAURA. Oh, Heaven! SIGISMUND. I say, Loose it, old dotard, grim and gaunt and gray, Or by another death [They struggle.] I'll crush you in my arms while you have breath. ROSAURA. Quick! quick! they slay Clotaldo, help! oh, help! [ASTOLFO enters at this moment, and CLOTALDO falls at his feet; he stands between them.] ASTOLFO. This strange affray, What can it mean, magnanimous Prince? would you So bright a blade imbrue In blood that age already doth congeal? Back to its sheath return the shining steel. SIGISMUND. Yes, when it is bathed red In his base blood. ASTOLFO. This threatened life hath fled For sanctuary to my feet; I must protect it in that poor retreat. SIGISMUND. Protect your own life, then, for in this way, Striking at it, I will the grudge repay I owe you for the past. ASTOLFO. I thus defend My life; but majesty will not offend. [ASTOLFO draws his sword and they fight.] CLOTALDO. Oh! wound him not, my lord. * * * * * SCENE IX. BASILIUS, ESTRELLA and Attendants, SIGISMUND, ASTOLFO, and CLOTALDO. BASILIUS. Swords flashing here!- ESTRELLA [aside]. Astolfo is engaged: - Oh, pain severe! BASILIUS. What caused this quarrel? Speak, say why? ASTOLFO. 'Tis nothing now, my lord, since thou art by. SIGISMUND. 'Tis much, although thou now art by, my lord. I wished to kill this old man with my sword. BASILIUS. Did you not then respect These snow-white hairs? CLOTALDO. My lord will recollect They scarce deserved it, being mine. SIGISMUND. Who dares To ask of me do I respect white hairs? Your own some day My feet may trample in the public way, For I have not as yet revenged my wrong, Your treatment so unjust and my sad state so long. [Exit.] BASILIUS. But ere that dawn doth break, You must return to sleep, where when you wake All that hath happened here will seem - As is the glory of the world - a dream. [Exeunt The King, CLOTALDO, and Attendants.] * * * * * SCENE X. ESTRELLA and ASTOLFO ASTOLFO. Ah, how rarely fate doth lie When it some misfortune threatens!* Dubious when 'tis good that's promised, When 'tis evil, ah, too certain!- What a good astrologer Would he be, whose art foretelleth Only cruel things; for, doubtless, They would turn out true for ever! This in Sigismund and me Is exemplified, Estrella, Since between our separate fortunes Such a difference is presented. In his case had been foreseen Murders, miseries, and excesses, And in all they turned out true, Since all happened as expected. But in mine, here seeing, lady, Rays so rare and so resplendent That the sun is but their shadow. And even heaven a faint resemblance, When fate promised me good fortune, Trophies, praises, and all blessings, It spoke ill and it spoke well; For it was of both expressive, When it held out hopes of favour, But disdain alone effected. [footnote] *The vocal asonante in e-e here commences, and continues to the end of the Sixteenth Scene. ESTRELLA. Oh, I doubt not these fine speeches Are quite true, although intended Doubtless for that other lady, She whose portrait was suspended From your neck, when first, Astolfo, At this Court here you addressed me. This being so, 'tis she alone Who these compliments deserveth. Go and pay them to herself, For like bills that are protested In the counting-house of love, Are those flatteries and finesses Which to other kings and ladies Have been previously presented. * * * * * SCENE XI. ROSAURA, who remains at the side; ESTRELLA, and ASTOLFO. ROSAURA [aside]. Well, thank God, my miseries Have attained their lowest level, Since by her who sees this sight Nothing worse can be expected. ASTOLFO. Then that portrait from my breast Shall be taken, that thy perfect Beauty there may reign instead. For where bright Estrella enters Shadow cannot be, or star Where the sun; I go to fetch it.- [Aside.] Pardon, beautiful Rosaura, This offence; the absent never, Man or woman, as this shows, Faith of plighted vows remember. [Exit.] [ROSAURA comes forward.] ROSAURA [aside]. Not a single word I heard, Being afraid they might observe me. ESTRELLA. Oh, Astrea! ROSAURA. My good lady! ESTRELLA. Nothing could have pleased me better Than your timely coming here. I have something confidential To entrust you with. ROSAURA. You honour Far too much my humble service. ESTRELLA. Brief as is the time, Astrea, I have known you, you already Of my heart possess the keys 'Tis for this and your own merits That I venture to entrust you With what oft I have attempted From myself to hide. ROSAURA. Your slave! ESTRELLA. Then concisely to express it, Know, Astolfo, my first cousin ('Tis enough that word to mention, For some things may best be said When not spoken but suggested), Soon expects to wed with me, If my fate so far relenteth, As that by one single bliss All past sorrows may be lessened. I was troubled, the first day That we met, to see suspended From his neck a lady's portrait. On the point I urged him gently, He so courteous and polite Went immediately to get it, And will bring it here. From him I should feel quite disconcerted To receive it. You here stay, And request him to present it Unto you. I say no more. You are beautiful and clever, You must know too what is love. [Exit.] * * * * * SCENE XII. ROSAURA. Would I knew it not! O help me Now, kind heaven! for who could be So prudential, so collected, As to know how best to act In so painful a dilemma? Is there in the world a being, Is there one a more inclement Heaven has marked with more misfortunes, Has 'mid more of sorrow centred?- What, bewildered, shall I do, When 'tis vain to be expected That my reason can console me, Or consoling be my helper? From my earliest misfortune Everything that I've attempted Has been but one misery more - Each the other's sad successor, All inheritors of themselves. Thus, the Phoenix they resemble, One is from the other born, New life springs where old life endeth, And the young are warmly cradled By the ashes of the elder. Once a wise man called them cowards, Seeing that misfortunes never Have been seen to come alone. But I call them brave, intrepid, Who go straight unto their end, And ne'er turn their backs in terror:- By the man who brings them with him Everything may be attempted, Since he need on no occasion Have the fear of being deserted. I may say so, since at all times, Whatsoever life presented, I, without them, never saw me, Nor will they grow weary ever, Till they see me in death's arms, Wounded by fate's final weapon. Woe is me! but what to-day Shall I do in this emergence?- If I tell my name, Clotaldo, Unto whom I am indebted For my very life and honour, May be with me much offended; Since he said my reparation Must in silence be expected. If I tell not to Astolfo Who I am, and he detects me How can I dissemble then? For although a feigned resemblance Eyes and voice and tongue might try, Ah, the truthful heart would tremble, And expose the lie. But wherefore Study what to do? 'Tis certain That however I may study, Think beforehand how to nerve me, When at last the occasion comes, Then alone what grief suggesteth I will do, for no one holds In his power the heart's distresses. And thus what to say or do As my soul cannot determine, Grief must only reach to-day Its last limit, pain be ended, And at last an exit make From the doubts that so perplex me How to act: but until then Help me, heaven, oh, deign to help me! * * * * * SCENE XIII. ASTOLFO, with the portrait; and ROSAURA. ASTOLFO. Here then is the portrait, Princess: But, good God! ROSAURA. Your Highness trembles; What has startled, what surprised you? ASTOLFO. Thee, Rosaura, to see present. ROSAURA. I Rosaura? Oh, your Highness Is deceived by some resemblance Doubtless to some other lady; I'm Astrea, one who merits Not the glory of producing An emotion so excessive. ASTOLFO. Ah, Rosaura thou mayst feign, But the soul bears no deception, And though seeing thee as Astrea, As Rosaura it must serve thee. ROSAURA. I, not knowing what your Highness Speaks of, am of course prevented From replying aught but this, That Estrella (the bright Hesper Of this sphere) was pleased to order That I here should wait expectant For that portrait, which to me She desires you give at present: For some reason she prefers It through me should be presented - So Estrella - say, my star - Wishes - so a fate relentless Wills - in things that bring me loss - So Estrella now expecteth. ASTOLFO. Though such efforts you attempt, Still how badly you dissemble, My Rosaura! Tell the eyes In their music to keep better Concert with the voice, because Any instrument whatever Would be out of tune that sought To combine and blend together The true feelings of the heart With the false words speech expresses. ROSAURA. I wait only, as I said, For the portrait. ASTOLFO. Since you're bent then To the end to keep this tone, I adopt it, and dissemble. Tell the Princess, then, Astrea, That I so esteem her message, That to send to her a copy Seems to me so slight a present, How so highly it is valued By myself, I think it better To present the original, And you easily may present it, Since, in point of fact, you bring it With you in your own sweet person. ROSAURA. When it has been undertaken By a man, bold, brave, determined, To obtain a certain object, Though he get perhaps a better, Still not bringing back the first He returns despised: I beg, then. That your highness give the portrait; I, without it, dare not venture. ASTOLFO. How, then, if I do not give it Will you get it? ROSAURA. I will get it Thus, ungrateful. [She attempts to snatch it.[ ASTOLFO. 'Tis in vain. ROSAURA. It must ne'er be seen, no, never In another woman's hands. ASTOLFO. Thou art dreadful. ROSAURA. Thou deceptive. ASTOLFO. Oh, enough, Rosaura mine. ROSAURA. Thine! Thou liest, base deserter. [Both struggle for the portrait.] * * * * * SCENE XIV. ESTRELLA, ROSAURA, and ASTOLFO. ESTRELLA. Prince! Astrea! What is this? ASTOLFO [aside] Heavens! Estrella! ROSAURA [aside]. Love befriend me; Give me wit enough my portrait To regain: - If thou would'st learn then [To ESTRELLA.] What the matter is, my lady, I will tell thee. ASTOLFO [aside to ROSAURA.] Would'st o'erwhelm me? ROSAURA. You commanded me to wait here For the Prince, and representing You, to get from him a portrait. I remained alone, expecting, And, as often by one thought Is some other thought suggested, Seeing that you spoke of portraits, I, reminded thus, remembered That I had one of myself In my sleeve: I wished to inspect it, For a person quite alone Even by trifles is diverted. From my hand I let it fall On the ground; the Prince, who entered With the other lady's portrait, Raised up mine, but so rebellious Was he to what you had asked him That, instead of his presenting One, he wished to keep the other. Since he mine will not surrender To my prayers and my entreaties: Angry at this ill-timed jesting I endeavoured to regain it, That which in his hand is held there Is my portrait, if you see it; You can judge of the resemblance. ESTRELLA. Duke, at once, give up the portrait. [She takes it from his hand.] ASTOLFO. Princess . . . . ESTRELLA. Well, the tints were blended By no cruel hand, methinks. ROSAURA. Is it like me? ESTRELLA. Like! 'Tis perfect. ROSAURA. Now demand from him the other. ESTRELLA. Take your own, and leave our presence. ROSAURA [aside]. I have got my portrait back; Come what may I am contented. [Exit.] * * * * * SCENE XV. ESTRELLA and ASTOLFO. ESTRELLA. Give me now the other portrait; For - although perhaps I never May again address or see you - I desire not, no, to let it In your hands remain, if only For my folly in requesting You to give it. ASTOLFO [aside]. How escape From this singular dilemma?- Though I wish, most beauteous Princess, To obey thee and to serve thee, Still I cannot give the portrait Thou dost ask for, since . . . . ESTRELLA. A wretched And false-hearted lover art thou. Now I wish it not presented, So to give thee no pretext For reminding me that ever I had asked it at thy hands. [Exit. ASTOLFO. Hear me! listen! wait! I remember! - God, what has thou done, Rosaura? Why, or wherefore, on what errand, To destroy thyself and me Hast thou Poland rashly entered? [Exit. * * * * * SCENE XVI. PRISON OF THE PRINCE IN THE TOWER. SIGISMUND, as at the commencement, clothed in skins, chained, and lying on the ground; CLOTALDO, Two Servants, and CLARIN. CLOTALDO. Leave him here on the ground, Where his day,- its pride being o'er,- Finds its end too. A SERVANT. As before With the chain his feet are bound. CLARIN. Never from that sleep profound Wake, O Sigismund, or rise, To behold with wondering eyes All thy glorious life o'erthrown, Like a shadow that hath flown, Like a bright brief flame that dies! CLOTALDO. One who can so wisely make Such reflections on this case Should have ample time and space, Even for the Solon's sake, [To the Servant.] To discuss it; him you'll take To this cell here, and keep bound. [Pointing to an adjoining room] CLARIN. But why me? CLOTALDO. Because 'tis found Safe, when clarions secrets know, Clarions to lock up, that so They may not have power to sound. CLARIN. Did I, since you treat me thus, Try to kill my father? No. Did I from the window throw That unlucky Icarus? Is my drink somniferous? Do I dream? Then why be pent? CLOTALDO. 'Tis a clarion's punishment. CLARIN. Then a horn of low degree, Yea, a cornet I will be, A safe, silent instrument. [They take him away, and CLOTALDO remains alone.] * * * * * SCENE XVII. BASILIUS, disguised; CLOTALDO, and SIGISMUND, asleep. BASILIUS. Hark, Clotaldo! CLOTALDO. My lord here? Thus disguised, your majesty? BASILIUS. Foolish curiosity Leads me in this lowly gear To find out, ah, me! with fear, How the sudden change he bore. CLOTALDO. There behold him as before In his miserable state. BASILIUS. Wretched Prince! unhappy fate! Birth by baneful stars watched o'er!- Go and wake him cautiously, Now that strength and force lie chained By the opiate he hath drained. CLOTALDO. Muttering something restlessly, See he lies. BASILIUS. Let's listen; he May some few clear words repeat. SIGISMUND. [Speaking in his sleep.] Perfect Prince is he whose heat Smites the tyrant where he stands, Yes, Clotaldo dies by my hands, Yes, my sire shall kiss my feet. CLOTALDO. Death he threatens in his rage. BASILIUS. Outrage vile he doth intend. CLOTALDO. He my life has sworn to end. BASILIUS. He has vowed to insult my age. SIGISMUND [still sleeping]. On the mighty world's great stage, 'Mid the admiring nations' cheer, Valour mine, that has no peer, Enter thou: the slave so shunned Now shall reign Prince Sigismund, And his sire he wrath shall fear.- [He awakes.] But, ah me! Where am I? Oh!- BASILIUS. Me I must not let him see. [To CLOTALDO.] Listening I close by will be, What you have to do you know. [He retires.] SIGISMUND. Can it possibly be so? Is the truth not what it seemed? Am I chained and unredeemed? Art not thou my lifelong tome, Dark old tower? Yes! What a doom! God! what wondrous things I've dreamed! CLOTALDO. Now in this delusive play Must my special part be taken:- Is it not full time to waken? SIGISMUND. Yes, to waken well it may. CLOTALDO. Wilt thou sleep the livelong day?- Since we gazing from below Saw the eagle sailing slow, Soaring through the azure sphere, All the time thou waited here, Didst thou never waken? SIGISMUND. No, Nor even now am I awake Since such thoughts my memory fill, That it seems I'm dreaming still: Nor is this a great mistake; Since if dreams could phantoms make Things of actual substance seen, I things seen may phantoms deem. Thus a double harvest reaping, I can see when I am sleeping, And when waking I can dream. CLOTALDO. What you may have dreamed of, say. SIGISMUND. If I thought it only seemed, I would tell not what I dreamed, But what I beheld, I may. I awoke, and lo! I lay (Cruel and delusive thing!) In a bed whose covering, Bright with blooms from rosy bowers, Seemed a tapestry of flowers Woven by the hand of Spring. Then a crowd of nobles came, Who addressed me by the name Of their prince, presenting me Gems and robes, on bended knee. Calm soon left me, and my frame Thrilled with joy to hear thee tell Of the fate that me befell, For though now in this dark den, I was Prince of Poland then. CLOTALDO. Doubtless you repaid me well? SIGISMUND. No, not well: for, calling thee Traitor vile, in furious strife Twice I strove to take thy life. CLOTALDO. But why all this rage 'gainst me? SIGISMUND. I was master, and would be Well revenged on foe and friend. Love one woman could defend . . . . . That, at least, for truth I deem, All else ended like a dream, THAT alone can never end. [The King withdraws.] CLOTALDO [aside]. From his place the King hath gone, Touched by his pathetic words:- [Aloud] Speaking of the king of birds Soaring to ascend his throne, Thou didst fancy one thine own; But in dreams, however bright, Thou shouldst still have kept in sight How for years I tended thee, For 'twere well, whoe'er we be, Even in dreams to do what's right. [Exit.] * * * * * SCENE XVIII. SIGISMUND. That is true: then let's restrain This wild rage, this fierce condition Of the mind, this proud ambition, Should we ever dream again: And we'll do so, since 'tis plain, In this world's uncertain gleam, That to live is but to dream: Man dreams what he is, and wakes Only when upon him breaks Death's mysterious morning beam. The king dreams he is a king, And in this delusive way Lives and rules with sovereign sway; All the cheers that round him ring, Born of air, on air take wing. And in ashes (mournful fate!) Death dissolves his pride and state: Who would wish a crown to take, Seeing that he must awake In the dream beyond death's gate? And the rich man dreams of gold, Gilding cares it scarce conceals, And the poor man dreams he feels Want and misery and cold. Dreams he too who rank would hold, Dreams who bears toil's rough-ribbed hands, Dreams who wrong for wrong demands, And in fine, throughout the earth, All men dream, whate'er their birth, And yet no one understands. 'Tis a dream that I in sadness Here am bound, the scorn of fate; 'Twas a dream that once a state I enjoyed of light and gladness. What is life? 'Tis but a madness. What is life? A thing that seems, A mirage that falsely gleams, Phantom joy, delusive rest, Since is life a dream at best, And even dreams themselves are dreams. * * * * * ACT THE THIRD. WITHIN THE TOWER. * * * * * SCENE I. CLARIN. In a strange enchanted tower, I, for what I know, am prisoned;* How would ignorance be punished, If for knowledge they would kill me? What a thing to die of hunger, For a man who loves good living! I compassionate myself; All will say: "I well believe it"; And it well may be believed, Because silence is a virtue Incompatible with my name Clarin, which of course forbids it. In this place my sole companions, It may safely be predicted, Are the spiders and the mice: What a pleasant nest of linnets!- Owing to this last night's dream, My poor head I feel quite dizzy From a thousand clarionets, Shawms, and seraphines and cymbals, Crucifixes and processions, Flagellants who so well whipped them, That as up and down they went, Some even fainted as they witnessed How the blood ran down the others. I, if I the truth may whisper, Simply fainted from not eating, For I see me in this prison All day wondering how this Poland Such a 'Hungary' look exhibits, All night reading in the 'Fasti' By some half-starved poet written.** In the calendar of saints, If a new one is admitted, Then St. Secret be my patron, For I fast upon his vigil; Though it must be owned I suffer Justly for the fault committed, Since a servant to be silent Is a sacrilege most sinful. [A sound of drums and trumpets, with voices within.] *[footnote] The asonante to the end of Scene IV. is in i-e, or their vocal equivalents. **[footnote] These four lines are a paraphrase of the original. Clarin's jokes are different, and not much better. He says he spends his days studying philosophy in the works of 'Nicomedes' (or 'Not-eating'), and his nights perusing the decrees of the 'Nicene' Council (Concilio 'Niceno', the Council of 'No-Supper'). * * * * * SCENE II. Soldiers and CLARIN. FIRST SOLDIER [within]. He is here within this tower. Dash the door from off its hinges; Enter all CLARIN: Good God! 'tis certain That 'tis me they seek so briskly, Since they say that I am here. What can they require? FIRST SOLDIER [within]. Go in there. [Several Soldiers enter. SECOND SOLDIER. Here he is. CLARIN. He's not. ALL THE SOLDIERS. Great lord! CLARIN [aside]. Are the fellows mad or tipsy? FIRST SOLDIER. Thou art our own Prince, and we Will not have, and won't admit of, Any but our natural Prince; We no foreign Prince here wish for. Let us kneel and kiss thy feet. THE SOLDIERS. Live, long live our best of Princes! CLARIN [aside.] 'Gad! the affair grows rather serious. Is it usual in this kingdom To take some one out each day, Make him Prince, and then remit him To this tower? It must be so, Since each day that sight I witness. I must therefore play my part. SOLDIERS. Thy feet give us! CLARIN. I can't give them, As I want them for myself. For a prince to be a cripple Would be rather a defect. SECOND SOLDIER. We have all conveyed our wishes To your father; we have told him You alone shall be our Prince here, Not the Duke. CLARIN. And were you guilty 'Gainst my sire, of disrespect? FIRST SOLDIER. 'Twas the loyalty of our spirit. CLARIN. If 'twas loyalty, I forgive you. SECOND SOLDIER. Come, regain thy lost dominion. Long live Sigismund! ALL. Live the Prince. CLARIN [aside]. Say they Sigismund? Good. Admitted. Sigismund must be the name Given to all pretended princes. * * * * * SCENE III. SIGISMUND, CLARIN, and Soldiers. SIGISMUND. Who has named here Sigismund? CLARIN [aside.] Ah, I'm but an addled prince, then! FIRST SOLDIER. Who is Sigismund? SIGISMUND. Who? I. SECOND SOLDIER [to CLARIN]. How, then, didst thou, bold and silly, Dare to make thee Sigismund? CLARIN. I a Sigismund? Thou fibbest; It was you yourselves that thus Sigismundized me and princed me: All the silliness and the boldness Have been by yourselves committed. FIRST SOLDIER. Great and brave Prince Sigismund (For thy bearing doth convince us Thou art he, although on faith We proclaim thee as our prince here). King Basilius, thy father, Fearful of the Heavens fulfilling A prediction, which declared He would see himself submitted At thy victor feet, attempts To deprive thee of thy birthright, And to give it to Astolfo, Muscovy's duke. For this his missives Summoned all his court: the people Understanding, by some instinct, That they had a natural king, Did not wish a foreign princeling To rule o'er them. And 'tis thus, That the fate for thee predicted Treating with a noble scorn, They have sought thee where imprisoned Thou dost live, that issuing forth, By their powerful arms assisted, From this tower, thy crown and sceptre Thou shouldst thus regain, and quit them Of a stranger and a tyrant. Forth! then; for among these cliffs here There is now a numerous army, Formed of soldiers and banditti, That invoke thee: freedom waits thee; To the thousand voices listen. [Voices within.] Long, long live Prince Sigismund! SIGISMUND. Once again, O Heaven! wouldst wish me Once again to dream of greatness Which may vanish in an instant? Once again to see the glories, That a royal throne encircle, Die in darkness and in gloom, Like a flame the winds extinguish? Once again by sad experience To be taught the dangerous limits Human power may overleap, At its birth and while it liveth? No, it must not, must not be:- See me now one more submitted To my fate; and since I know Life is but a dream, a vision, Hence, ye phantoms, that assume To my darkened sense the figure And the voice of life - although Neither voice nor form is in them. I no longer now desire A feigned majesty, a fictitious And fantastic pomp - illusions Which the slightest breath that ripples The calm ether can destroy, Even as in the early spring-time, When the flowering almond tree Unadvisedly exhibits All its fleeting bloom of flowers, The first blast their freshness withers, And the ornament and grace Of its rosy locks disfigures. Now I know ye - know ye all, And I know the same false glimmer Cheats the eyes of all who sleep. Me false shows no more bewilder; Disabused, I now know well Life is but a dream - a vision. SECOND SOLDIER. If thou thinkest we deceive thee, Turn thine eyes to those proud cliffs here, See the crowds that wait there, willing, Eager to obey thee. SIGISMUND. Yet Just as clearly and distinctly, I have seen another time The same things that now I witness, And 'twas but a dream. SECOND SOLDIER. At all times Great events, my lord, bring with them Their own omens; and thy dream But the actual fact prefigured. SIGISMUND. You say well, it was an omen; But supposing the bright vision Even were true, since life is short, Let us dream, my soul a little, Once again, remembering now With all forethought and prevision That we must once more awake At the better time not distant; That being known, the undeceiving, When it comes, will be less bitter; For it takes the sting from evil To anticipate its visit. And with this conviction, too, Even its certainty admitting, That all power being only lent Must return unto the Giver, Let us boldly then dare all.- For the loyalty you exhibit, Thanks, my lieges. See in me One who will this land deliver From a stranger's alien yoke. Sound to arms; you soon shall witness What my valour can effect. 'Gainst my father I have lifted Hostile arms, to see if Heaven Has of me the truth predicted. At my feet I am to see him . . . But if I, from dreams delivered, [Aside. Wake ere then, and nothing happens, Silence now were more befitting. ALL. Long live Sigismund, our king! * * * * * SCENE IV. CLOTALDO, SIGISMUND, CLARIN, and Soldiers. CLOTALDO. Ha! what tumult, Heavens! has risen? SIGISMUND. Well, Clotaldo. CLOTALDO. Sire . . . . On me [Aside. Will his wrath now fall. CLARIN [aside]. He'll fling him Headlong down the steep, I'll bet. [Exit. CLOTALDO. At your royal feet submitted I know how to die. SIGISMUND. My father, Rise, I pray, from that position, Since to you, my guide and polestar, Are my future acts committed; All my past life owes you much For your careful supervision. Come, embrace me. CLOTALDO. What do you say? SIGISMUND. That I dream, and that my wishes Are to do what's right, since we Even in dreams should do what's fitting. CLOTALDO. Then, my prince, if you adopt Acting rightly as your symbol, You will pardon me for asking, So to act, that you permit me. No advice and no assistance Can I give against my king. Better that my lord should kill me At his feet here. SIGISMUND. Oh, ungrateful! Villain! wretch! [Aside.] But Heavens! 'tis fitter I restrain myself, not knowing But all this may be a vision.- The fidelity I envy Must be honoured and admitted. Go and serve your lord, the king. Where the battle rages thickest We shall meet. - To arms, my friends! CLOTALDO. Thanks, most generous of princes. [Exit. SIGISMUND. Fortune, we go forth to reign; Wake me not if this is vision, Let me sleep not if 'tis true. But whichever of them is it, To act right is what imports me. If 'tis true, because it is so; If 'tis not, that when I waken Friends may welcome and forgive me. [Exeunt all, drums beating. * * * * * SCENE V. HALL IN THE ROYAL PALACE. BASILIUS and ASTOLFO. BASILIUS. Who can expect, Astolfo, to restrain An untamed steed that wildly turns to flee? Who can the current of a stream detain, That swollen with pride sweeps down to seek the sea? Who can prevent from tumbling to the plain Some mighty peak the lightning's flash sets free? Yet each were easier in its separate way, Than the rude mob's insensate rage to stay. The several bands that throng each green retreat This truth proclaim by their disparted cries; Astolfo here the echoing notes repeat, While there 'tis Sigismund that rends the skies The place where late the land was glad to greet The choice we made, a second venture tries; And soon will be, as Horror o'er it leans, The fatal theatre of tragic scenes. ASTOLFO. My lord, let all this joy suspended be, These plaudits cease, and to another day Defer the rapture thou hast promised me; For if this Poland (which I hope to sway) Resists to-day my right of sovereignty, 'Tis that by merit I should win my way. Give me a steed; to stem this wild revolt My pride shall be the flash that bears the bolt. [Exit. BASILIUS. Slight help there is for what is fixed by fate, And much of danger to foresee the blow; If it must fall, defence is then too late, And he who most forestalls doth most foreknow. Hard law! Stern rule! Dire fact to contemplate! That he who thinks to fly doth nearer go. Thus by the very means that I employed, My country and myself I have destroyed. * * * * * SCENE VI. ESTRELLA and BASILIUS. ESTRELLA. If, mighty lord, thy presence, which it braves, The tumult of the crowd cannot defeat - The frenzy of the multitude that raves In hostile bands through every square and street,- Thou'lt see thy kingdom swim in crimson waves, A purple sea of blood shall round it beat; For even already in its dismal doom All is disaster, tragedy, and gloom. Such is thy kingdom's ruin, so severe The hard and bloody trial fate hath sent, Dazed is the eye, and terrified the ear; Dark grows the sun, and every wind is spent; Each stone a mournful obelisk doth rear, And every flower erects a monument; A grave seems every house, whence life is gone,- Each soldier is a living skeleton. * * * * * SCENE VII. CLOTALDO, BASILIUS, and ESTRELLA. CLOTALDO. Thanks be to God, I reach thy feet alive. BASILIUS. What news of Sigismund, Clotaldo, say? CLOTALDO. The crowd, whom frenzy and blind impulse drive, Into the tower resistless burst their way, Released the Prince, who seeing thus revive The honour he had tasted for one day, Looked brave, declaring, in a haughty tone, The truth at last that heaven must now make known. BASILIUS. Give me a horse! In person forth I'll ride To check the pride of this ungrateful son. Where Science erred let now the sword decide; By my own valour shall my throne be won! [Exit. ESTRELLA. Let me the glory of the fight divide - A twinkling star beside that royal sun - Bellona matched with Mars: for I would dare To scale even heaven to rival Pallas there. [Exit, and they sound to arms. * * * * * SCENE VIII. ROSAURA, who detains CLOTALDO. ROSAURA. Though the trumpets from afar Echo in thy valorous breast, Hear me, list to my request, For I know that all is war. Well thou knowest that I came Poor to Poland, sad, dejected; And that graciously protected, Thou thy pity let me claim. It was thy command, ah, me! I should live here thus disguised, Striving, as thy words advised (Hiding all my jealousy), To avoid Astolfo's sight; But he saw me, and though seeing, With Estrella, he - false being!- Converse holds this very night In a garden bower. The key I have taken, and will show Where, by entering, with a blow Thou canst end my misery. Thus, then, daring, bold, and strong, Thou my honour wilt restore; Strike, and hesitate no more, Let his death revenge my wrong. CLOTALDO. It is true, my inclination Since thou first wert seen by me, Was to strive and do for thee (Be thy tears my attestation) All my life could do to serve thee. What I first was forced to press, Was that thou should'st change thy dress; Les if chancing to observe thee Masquerading like a page, By appearances so strong Led astray, the Duke might wrong By a thought thy sex and age. Meanwhile various projects held me In suspense, oft pondering o'er How thy honour to restore; Though (thy honour so compelled me) I Astolfo's life should take - Wild design that soon took wing - Yet, as he was not my king, It no terror could awake. I his death was seeking, when Sigismund with vengeful aim Sought for mine; Astolfo came, And despising what most men Would a desperate peril deem, Stood in my defence; his bearing, Nigh to rashness in its daring, Showed a valour most extreme. How then, think, could I, whose breath Is his gift, in murderous strife, For his giving me my life, Strive in turn to give him death? And thus, grateful, yet aggrieved, By two opposite feelings driven, Seeing it to thee have given, And from him have it received, Doubting this, and that believing, Half revenging, half forgiving, If to thee I'm drawn by giving, I to him am by receiving; Thus bewildered and beset, Vainly seeks my love a way, Since I have a debt to pay, Where I must exact a debt ROSAURA. It is settled, I believe, As all men of spirit know, That 'tis glorious to bestow, But a meanness to receive. Well, admitting this to be, Then thy thanks should not be his, Even supposing that he is One who gave thy life to thee; As the gift of life was thine, And from him the taking came, In this case the act was shame, And a glorious act in mine. Thus by him thou art aggrieved, And by me even complimented, Since to me thou hast presented What from him thou hast received: Then all hesitation leaving, Thou to guard my fame shouldst fly, Since my honour is as high As is giving to receiving. CLOTALDO. Thou it seems a generous fever In a noble heart to give, Still an equal fire may live In the heart of the receiver. Heartlessness is something hateful, I would boast a liberal name; Thus I put my highest claim In the fact of being grateful. Then to me that title leave,- Gentle birth breeds gentleness; For the honour is no less To bestow than to receive. ROSAURA. I received my life from thee, But for thee I now were dead; Still it was thyself that said No insulted life could be Called a life: on that I stand; Nought have I received from thee, For the life no life could be That was given me by thy hand. But if thou wouldst first be just Ere being generous in this way (As I heard thyself once say), Thou will give me life I trust, Which thou hast not yet; and thus Giving will enhance thee more, For if liberal before, Thou wilt then be generous. CLOTALDO. Conquered by thy argument, Liberal I first will be. I, Rosaura, will to thee All my property present; In a convent live; by me Has the plan been weighed some time, For escaping from a crime Thou wilt there find sanctuary; For so many ills present them Through the land on every side, That being nobly born, my pride Is to strive and not augment them. By the choice that I have made, Loyal to the land I'll be, I am liberal with thee, And Astolfo's debt is paid; Choose then, nay, let honour, rather, Choose for thee, and for us two, For, by Heaven! I could not do More for thee were I thy father!- ROSAURA. Were that supposition true, I might strive and bear this blow; But not being my father, no. CLOTALDO. What then dost thou mean to do? ROSAURA. Kill the Duke. CLOTALDO. A gentle dame, Who no father's name doth know, Can she so much valour show? ROSAURA. Yes. CLOTALDO. What drives thee on? ROSAURA. My fame. CLOTALDO. Think that in the Duke thou'lt see . . . . ROSAURA. Honour all my wrath doth rouse. CLOTALDO. Soon thy king - Estrella's spouse. ROSAURA. No, by Heaven! it must not be. CLOTALDO. It is madness. ROSAURA. Yes, I see it. CLOTALDO. Conquer it. ROSAURA. I can't o'erthrow it. CLOTALDO. It will cost thee . . . . ROSAURA. Yes, I know it. CLOTALDO. Life and honour. ROSAURA. Well, so be it. CLOTALDO. What wouldst have? ROSAURA. My death. CLOTALDO. Take care! It is spite. ROSAURA. 'Tis honour's cure. CLOTALDO. 'Tis wild fire. ROSAURA. That will endure. CLOTALDO. It is frenzy. ROSAURA. Rage, despair. CLOTALDO. Can there then be nothing done This blind rage to let pass by? ROSAURA. No. CLOTALDO. And who will help thee? ROSAURA. I. CLOTALDO. Is there then no remedy? ROSAURA. None. CLOTALDO. Think of other means whereby . . . . ROSAURA. Other means would seal my fate. [Exit. CLOTALDO. If 'tis so, then, daughter, wait, For together we shall die. [Exit. * * * * * SCENE IX. THE OPEN PLAIN. SIGISMUND, clothed in skins: Soldiers marching. CLARIN. [Drums are heard.] SIGISMUND. If Rome could see me on this day Amid the triumphs of its early sway, Oh, with what strange delight It would have seen so singular a sight, Its mighty armies led By one who was a savage wild beast bred, Whose courage soars so high, That even an easy conquest seems the sky! But let us lower our flight, My spirit; 'tis not thus we should invite This doubtful dream to stay, Lest when I wake and it has past away, I learn to my sad cost, A moment given, 'twas in a moment lost; Determined not to abuse it, The less will be my sorrow should I lose it. [A trumpet sounds. CLARIN. Upon a rapid steed, (Excuse my painting it; I can't indeed Resist the inspiration), Which seems a moving mass of all creation, Its body being the earth, The fire the soul that in its heart hath birth, Its foam the sea, its panting breath the air, Chaos confused at which I stand and stare, Since in its soul, foam, body, breath, to me It is a monster made of fire, earth, air, and sea; Its colour dapple grey, Speckled its skin, and flecked, as well it may, By the impatient spur its flank that dyes, For lo! it doth not run, the meteor flies; As borne upon the wind, A beauteous woman seeks thee. SIGISMUND. I'm struck blind! CLARIN. Good God, it is Rosaura, oh, the pain! [Retires. SIGISMUND. Heaven has restored her to my sight again. * * * * * SCENE X. ROSAURA, in a light corselet, with sword and dagger; SIGISMUND, and Soldiers. ROSAURA. Noble-hearted Sigismund! Thou whose hidden light heroic Issues from its night of shadows To the great deeds of its morning; And as heaven's sublimest planet From the white arms of Aurora Back restores their beauteous colour To the wild flowers and the roses, And upon the seas and mountains, When endiademed with glory, Scatters light, diffuses splendour, Braids their foam, their hair makes golden; Thus thou dawnest on the world Bright auspicious sun of Poland, Who will help a hapless woman, She who at thy feet doth throw her, Help her, since she is unhappy, And a woman; two good motives Quite enough to move a man Who of valour so doth boast him, Though even one would be sufficient, Though even one would be all potent. Thou hast seen me thrice already, Thrice thou hast not truly known me, For each time by different dresses Was I strangely metamorphosed. First I seemed to thee a man, When within thy sad and sombre Cell thou sawest me, when thy life Wiled from me mine own misfortunes. As a woman next thou sawest me, Where the splendours of thy throne-room Vanished like a fleeting vision, Vain, phantasmal and abortive. The third time is now, when being Something monstrous and abnormal, In a woman's dress thou see'st me With a warrior's arms adorned. And to pity and compassion That thou may'st be moved more strongly, Listen to the sad succession Of my tragical misfortunes. In the Court of Muscovy I was born of a noble mother, Who indeed must have been fair Since unhappiness was her portion. Fond and too persuading eyes Fixed on her, a traitor lover, Whom, not knowing, I don't name, Though mine own worth hath informed me What was his: for being his image, I sometimes regret that fortune Made me not a pagan born, That I might, in my wild folly, Think he must have been some god, Such as he was, who in golden Shower wooed Danae, or as swan Leda loved, as bull, Europa. When I thought to lengthen out, Citing these perfidious stories, My discourse, I find already That I have succinctly told thee How my mother, being persuaded By the flatteries of love's homage, Was a fair as any fair, And unfortunate as all are. That ridiculous excuse Of a plighted husband's promise So misled her, that even yet the remembrance brings her sorrow. For that traitor, that Aeneas Flying from his Troy, forgot there, Or left after him his sword. By this sheath its blade is covered, But it shall be naked drawn Ere this history is over. From this loosely fastened know Which binds nothing, which ties nothing, Call it marriage, call it crime, Names its nature cannot alter, I was born, a perfect image, A true copy of my mother, In her loveliness, ah, no! In her miseries and misfortunes. Therefore there is little need To say how the hapless daughter, Heiress of such scant good luck, Had her own peculiar portion. All that I will say to thee Of myself is, that the robber Of the trophies of my fame, Of the sweet spoils of my honour, Is Astolfo . . . . Ah! to name him Stirs and rouses up the choler Of the heart, a fitting effort When an enemy's name is spoken,- Yes, Astolfo was that traitor, Who, forgetful of his promise (For when love has passed away, Even its memory is forgotten), Came to Poland, hither called. From so sweet so proud a conquest, To be married to Estrella, Of my setting sun the torch light. Who'll believe that when one star Oft unites two happy lovers, Now one star, Estrella, comes Two to tear from one another? I offended, I deceived, Sad remained, remained astonished, Mad, half dead, remained myself; That's to say, in so much torment, That my heart was like a Babel Of confusion, hell, and horror: I resolving to be mute, (For there are some pains and sorrows That by feelings are expressed, Better than when words are spoken). I by silence spoke my pain, Till one day being with my mother Violante, she (oh, heavens!) Burst their prison; like a torrent Forth they rushed from out my breast, Streaming wildly o'er each other. No embarrassment it gave me To relate them, for the knowing That the person we confide to A like weakness must acknowledge Gives as 'twere to our confusion A sweet soothing and a solace, For at times a bad example Has its use. In fine, my sorrows She with pity heard, relating Even her own grief to console me: When he has himself been guilty With what ease the judge condoneth! Knowing from her own experience That 'twas idle, to slow-moving Leisure, to swift-fleeting time, To intrust one's injured honour. She could not advise me better, As the cure of my misfortunes, Than to follow and compel him By prodigious acts of boldness To repay my honour's debt: And that such attempt might cost me Less, my fortune wished that I Should a man's strange dress put on me. She took down an ancient sword, Which is this I bear: the moment Now draws nigh I must unsheath it, Since to her I gave that promise, When confiding in its marks, Thus she said, "Depart to Poland, And so manage that this steel Shall be seen by the chief nobles Of that land, for I have hope That there may be one among them Who may prove to thee a friend, An adviser and consoler." Well, in Poland I arrived; It is useless to inform thee What thou knowest already, how A wild steed resistless bore me To thy caverned tower, wherein Thou with wonder didst behold me. Let us pass too, how Clotaldo Passionately my cause supported, How he asked my life of the king Who to him that boon accorded; How discovering who I am He persuaded me my proper Dress to assume, and on Estrella To attend as maid of honour, So to thwart Astolfo's love And prevent the marriage contract. Let us, too, pass by, that here thou didst once again behold me In a woman's dress, my form Waking thus a twofold wonder, And approach the time, Clotaldo Being convinced it was important That should wed and reign together Fair Estrella and Astolfo, 'Gainst my honour, me advised To forego my rightful project. But, O valiant Sigismund, Seeing that the moment cometh For thy vengeance, since heaven wishes Thee to-day to burst the portals Of thy narrow rustic cell, Where so long immured, thy body Was to feeling a wild beast, Was to sufferance what the rock is, And that 'gainst thy sire and country Thou hast gallantly revolted, And ta'en arms, I come to assist thee, Intermingling the bright corselet Of Minerva with the trappings Of Diana, thus enrobing Silken stuff and shining steel In a rare but rich adornment. On, then, on, undaunted champion! To us both it is important To prevent and bring to nought This engagement and betrothal; First to me, that he, my husband, Should not falsely wed another, Then to thee, that their two staffs Being united, their joined forces Should with overwhelming power Leave our doubtful victory hopeless. Woman, I come here to urge thee To repair my injured honour, And as man I come to rouse thee Crown and sceptre to recover. Woman I would wake thy pity Since here at thy feet I throw me, And as man, my sword and person In thy service I devote thee. But remember, if to-day As a woman thou should'st court me, I, as man, will give thee death In the laudable upholding, Of my honour, since I am In this strife of love, this contest, Woman my complaints to tell thee, And a man to guard my honour. SIGISMUND [aside]. Heavens! if it is true I dream, Memory then suspend thy office, For 'tis vain to hope remembrance Could retain so many objects. Help me, God! or teach me how All these numerous doubts to conquer, Or to cease to think of any!- Whoe'er tried such painful problems? If 'twas but a dream, my grandeur, How then is it, at this moment, That this woman can refer me To some facts that are notorious? Then 'twas truth, and not a dream; But if it was truth (another And no less confusion,) how Can my life be called in proper Speech a dream? So like to dreams Are then all the world's chief glories, That the true are oft rejected As the false, the false too often Are mistaken for the true? Is there then 'twixt one and the other Such slight difference, that a question May arise at any moment Which is true or which is false? Are the original and the copy So alike, that which is which Oft the doubtful mind must ponder? If 'tis so, and if must vanish, As the shades of night at morning, All of majesty and power, All of grandeur and of glory, Let us learn at least to turn To our profit the brief moment That is given us, since our joy Lasteth while our dream lasts only. In my power Rosaura stands, Thou, my heart, her charms adoreth, Let us seize then the occasion; Let love trample in its boldness All the laws on which relying She here at my feet has thrown her. 'Tis a dream; and since 'tis so, Let us dream of joys, the sorrows Will come soon enough hereafter. But with mine own words just spoken, Let me now confute myself! If it is a dream that mocks me, Who for human vanities Would forego celestial glory? What past bliss is not a dream? Who has had his happy fortunes Who hath said not to himself As his memory ran o'er them, "All I saw, beyond a doubt Was a dream." If this exposeth My delusion, if I know That desire is but the glowing Of a flame that turns to ashes At the softest wind that bloweth; Let us seek then the eternal, The true fame that ne'er reposeth, Where the bliss is not a dream, Nor the crown a fleeting glory. Without honour is Rosaura. But it is a prince's province To give honour, not to take it: Then, by Heaven! it is her honour That for her I must win back, Ere this kingdom I can conquer. Let us fly then this temptation. [To the Soldiers. 'Tis too strong: To arms! March onward! For to-day I must give battle, Ere descending night, the golden Sunbeams of expiring day Buries in the dark green ocean. ROSAURA. Dost thou thus, my lord, withdraw thee? What! without a word being spoken? Does my pain deserve no pity? Does my grief so little move thee? Can it be, my lord, thou wilt not Deign to hear, to look upon me? Dost thou even avert thy face? SIGISMUND. Ah, Rosaura, 'tis thy honour That requires this harshness now, If my pity I would show thee. Yes, my voice does not respond, 'Tis my honour that respondeth; True I speak not, for I wish That my actions should speak for me; Thee I do not look on, no, For, alas! it is of moment, That he must not see thy beauty Who is pledged to see thy honour. [Exit followed by the Soldiers. ROSAURA. What enigmas, O ye skies! After many a sigh and tear, Thus in doubt to leave me here With equivocal replies! * * * * * SCENE XI. CLARIN and ROSAURA. CLARIN. Madam, is it visiting hour? ROSAURA. Welcome, Clarin, where have you been? CLARIN. Only four stout walls between In an old enchanted tower; Death was on the cards for me, But amid the sudden strife Ere the last trump came, my life Won the trick and I got free. I ne'er hoped to sound again. ROSAURA. Why? CLARIN. Because alone I know Who you are: And this being so, Learn, Clotaldo is . . . . . This strain Puts me out. [Drums are heard. ROSAURA. What can it be? CLARIN. From the citadel at hand, Leagured round, an armed band As to certain victory Sallies forth with flags unfurled. ROSAURA. 'Gainst Prince Sigismund! and I, Coward that I am, not by To surprise and awe the world, When with so much cruelty Each on each the two hosts spring! [Exit. * * * * * SCENE XII. CLARIN; and Soldiers within. Voices of some. Live, long live our victor King! Voices of others. Live, long live our liberty! CLARIN. Live, long live the two, I say! Me it matters not a pin, Which doth lose or which doth win, If I can keep out of the way!- So aside here I will go, Acting like a prudent hero, Even as the Emperor Nero Took things coolly long ago. Or if care I cannot shun, Let it 'bout mine ownself be; Yes, here hidden I can see All the fighting and the fun; What a cosy place I spy Mid the rock there! so secure, Death can't find me out I'm sure, Then a fig for death I say! [Conceals himself, drums beat and the sound of arms is heard. * * * * * SCENE XIII. BASILIUS, CLOTALDO, ASTOLFO, flying. - CLARIN concealed. BASILIUS. Hapless king! disastrous reign! Outraged father! guilty son! CLOTALDO. See thy vanquished forces run In a panic o'er the plain! ASTOLFO. And the rebel conqueror's stay, Proud, defiant. BASILIUS. 'Tis decreed Those are loyal who succeed, Rebels those who lose the day. Let us then, Clotaldo, flee, Since the victory he hath won, From a proud and cruel son. [Shots are fired within, and CLARIN falls wounded from his hiding-place. CLARIN. Heaven protect me! ASTOLFO. Who can be This last victim of the fight, Who is struck down in the retreat, Falls here bleeding at our feet? CLARIN. I am an unlucky wight, Who to shun Death's fearful face Found the thing I would forget: Flying from him, him I've met. For there is no secret place Hid from death; and therefore I This conclusion hold as clear, He 'scapes best who goes more near, He dies first who first doth fly. Then return, return and be In the bloody conflict lost; Where the battle rages most, There is more security Than in hills how desolate, Since no safety can there be 'Gainst the force of destiny, And the inclemency of fate; Therefore 'tis in vain thou flyest From the death thou draw'st more nigh, Oh, take heed for thou must die If it is God's will thou diest! [Falls within. BASILIUS. Oh, take heed for thou must die If it is God's will thou diest!- With what eloquence, O heaven! Does this body that here lieth, Through the red mouth of a wound To profoundest thoughts entice us From our ignorance and our error! The red current as it glideth Is a bloody tongue that teaches All man's diligence is idle, When against a greater power, And a higher cause it striveth. Thus with me, 'gainst strife and murder When I thought I had provided, I but brought upon my country All the ills I would have hindered. CLOTALDO. Though, my lord, fate knoweth well Every path, and quickly findeth Whom it seeks; yet still it strikes me 'Tis not christian-like to say 'Gainst its rage that nought suffices. That is wrong, a prudent man Even o'er fate victorious rises; And if thou art not preserved From the ills that have surprised thee, From worse ills thyself preserve. ASTOLFO. Sire, Clotaldo doth address thee As a cautious, prudent man, Whose experience time hath ripened. I as a bold youth would speak: Yonder, having lost its rider, I behold a noble steed Wandering reinless and unbridled, Mount and fly with him while I Guard the open path behind thee. BASILIUS. If it is God's will I die, Or if Death for me here lieth As in ambush, face to face I will meet it and defy it. * * * * * SCENE XIV. SIGISMUND, ESTRELLA, ROSAURA, Soldiers, Attendants, BASILIUS, ASTOLFO, and CLOTALDO. A SOLDIER. 'Mid the thickets of the mountain, 'Neath these dark boughs so united, The King hides. SIGISMUND. Pursue him then, Leave no single shrub unrifled, Nothing must escape your search, Not a plant, and not a pine tree. CLOTALDO. Fly, my lord! BASILIUS. And wherefore fly? ASTOLFO. Come! BASILIUS. Astolfo, I'm decided. CLOTALDO. What to do? BASILIUS. To try, Clotaldo, One sole remedy that surviveth. [To SIGISMUND. If 'tis me thou'rt seeking, Prince, At thy feet behold me lying. [Kneeling. Let thy carpet be these hairs Which the snows of age have whitened. Tread upon my neck, and trample On my crown; in base defilement Treat me with all disrespect; Let thy deadliest vengeance strike me Through my honour; as thy slave Make me serve thee, and in spite of All precautions let fate be, Let heaven keep the word it plighted. SIGISMUND. Princes of the Court of Poland, Who such numerous surprises Have astonished seen, attend, For it is your prince invites ye. That which heaven has once determined, That which God's eternal finger Has upon the azure tablets Of the sky sublimely written, Those transparent sheets of sapphire Superscribed with golden ciphers Ne'er deceive, and never lie; The deceiver and the liar Is he who to use them badly In a wrongful sense defines them. Thus, my father, who is present, To protect him from the wildness Of my nature, made of me A fierce brute, a human wild-beast; So that I, who from my birth, From the noble blood that trickles Through my veins, my generous nature, And my liberal condition, Might have proved a docile child, And so grew, it was sufficient By so strange an education, By so wild a course of living, To have made my manners wild;- What a method to refine them! If to any man 'twas said, "It is fated that some wild-beast will destroy you," would it be Wise to wake a sleeping tiger As the remedy of the ill? If 'twere said, "this sword here hidden In its sheath, which thou dost wear, Is the one foredoomed to kill thee," Vain precaution it would be To preserve the threatened victim. Bare to point it at his breast. If 'twere said, "these waves that ripple Calmly here for thee will build Foam-white sepulchres of silver," Wrong it were to trust the sea When its haughty breast is lifted Into mountain heights of snow, Into hills of curling crystal. Well, this very thing has happened Unto him, who feared a wild-beast, And awoke him while he slept; Or who drew a sharp sword hidden Naked forth, or dared the sea When 'twas roused by raging whirlwinds And though my fierce nature (hear me) Was as 'twere the sleeping tiger, A sheathed sword my innate rage And my wrath a quiet ripple, Fate should not be forced by means So unjust and so vindictive, For they but excite it more; And thus he who would be victor O'er his fortune, must succeed By wise prudence and self-strictness. Not before an evil cometh Can it rightly be resisted Even by him who hath foreseen it, For although (the fact's admitted) By an humble resignation It is possible to diminish Its effects, it first must happen, And by no means can be hindered. Let it serve as an example This strange sight, this most surprising Spectacle, this fear, this horror, This great prodigy; for none higher E'er was worked than this we see, After years of vain contriving, Prostrate at my feet a father, And a mighty king submitted. This the sentence of high heaven Which he did his best to hinder He could not prevent. Can I, Who in valour and in science, Who in years am so inferior, It avert? My lord, forgive me, [To the King. Rise, sir, let me clasp thy hand; For since heaven has now apprized thee That thy mode of counteracting Its decree was wrong, a willing Sacrifice to thy revenge Let my prostrate neck be given. BASILIUS. Son, this noble act of thine In my heart of hearts reviveth All my love, thou'rt there reborn. Thou art Prince; the bay that bindeth Heroes' brows, the palm, be thine, Let the crown thine own deeds give thee. ALL. Long live Sigismund our King! SIGISMUND. Though my sword must wait a little Ere great victories it can gain, I to-day will win the highest, The most glorious, o'er myself.- Give, Astolfo, give your plighted Hand here to Rosaura, since It is due and I require it. ASTOLFO. Though 'tis true I owe the debt, Still 'tis needful to consider That she knows not who she is; It were infamous, a stigma On my name to wed a woman . . . . CLOTALDO. Stay, Astolfo, do not finish; For Rosaura is as noble As yourself. My sword will right her In the field against the world: She's my daughter, that's sufficient. ASTOLFO. What do you say? CLOTALDO. Until I saw her To a noble spouse united, I her birth would not reveal. It were now a long recital, But the sum is, she's my child. ASTOLFO. That being so, the word I've plighted I will keep. SIGISMUND. And that Estrella May not now be left afflicted, Seeing she has lost a prince Of such valour and distinction, I propose from mine own hand As a husband one to give her, Who, if he does not exceed Him in worth, perhaps may rival. Give to me thy hand. ESTRELLA. I gain By an honour so distinguished. SIGISMUND. To Clotaldo, who so truly Served my father, I can give him But these open arms wherein He will find what'er he wishes. A SOLDIER. If thou honorest those who serve thee, Thus, to me the first beginner Of the tumult through the land, Who from out the tower, thy prison, Drew thee forth, what wilt thou give? SIGISMUND. Just that tower: and that you issue Never from it until death, I will have you guarded strictly; For the traitor is not needed Once the treason is committed. BASILIUS. So much wisdom makes one wonder. ASTOLFO. What a change in his condition! ROSAURA. How discreet! how calm! how prudent! SIGISMUND. Why this wonder, these surprises, If my teacher was a dream, And amid my new aspirings I am fearful I may wake, And once more a prisoner find me In my cell? But should I not, Even to dream it is sufficient: For I thus have come to know That at last all human blisses Pass and vanish as a dream, And the time that may be given me I henceforth would turn to gain: Asking for our faults forgiveness, Since to generous, noble hearts It is natural to forgive them. Publication Date: May 20th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-librarian

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Daily Capper Daily Capper February 2010 Publication Date: May 10th 2010 https://www.bookrix.com/-thedailycapper

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Heaven Evette Creater Sweaters To everyone that lost all hope or ever wanted to give up. To everyone that didn't have a perfect life but still had the courage to continue. This one's for you. (Don't forget to add to your favorites and leave a comment! It motivates me to add more and work on it!! I've been very busy.) Chapter one: New School year Secret:   “ Hello everyone. I am really excited to be teaching you all. I hope we can all get along this year and I want to know some things about all of you so we can get to know each other a little better. Everyone come sit on the floor.” He smiled. “Raise your hand and when I pick you, please stand and tell us your name, age and some things about yourself. I’ll go first. My name is Miguel Rodriguez but you all can call me Mr. Rodriguez.” He laughed.   Some of the kids giggled with him.   “I was born in Mexico but I moved here to America when I was five years old. I am thirty now. I love art and after I leave here, I go to my art studio and paint. And um…that’s it. Is there anyone else who wants to go next?” he asked.   Immediately most of the kids in the room raised their hands. He called on them one at a time. I remember some of their faces from last year. One boy, named Jason, said he was nine and had four other brothers and one sister. He helps his mom out a lot because he is the oldest. Another girl raised her hand and said that she was 10 and that she lives with her grandparents but her parents visit her often. There was another girl who raised her hand. When Mr. Rodriguez picked her, she stood up and announced her name real proud. I didn’t like her because she always picked on me. She was a real… snob. Her name was Erica.   “Has everyone gone?” Mr. Rodriguez asked.   Everyone had said yes.   All of a sudden, Ms. Big mouth yelled out, “No, she hasn’t gone yet! She’s in the back hiding her face. She thinks she’s slick!”   “Ok Erica, calm down honey. Alright miss…you haven’t gone yet. Can you please tell us something about yourself?” Mr. Rodriguez asked.   “I don’t want to.” I said simply.   “Oh come on, Please?”   I stood up and took a deep breath and let it out slowly before I said “My name is Secret Stone.” Then I sat down like I had just given a 30 minute speech. It was quiet for a few seconds.   Then Erica asked “That’s it? Your just gonna say your name?”   Everyone started to laugh.   “Aren’t there more things we should know?” Mr. Rodriguez giggled.   “No.” I said.    “How about you explain why you always wear those sweaters.” Erica shot out.   “I’m cold.” I retorted.   “All the time? Seriously, it’s like 89 degrees outside!” She shot back.   All the kids started to laugh again.   “How bout you mind your damn business and don’t worry about me. When I find your name on my birth certificate, then you’ll have the privilege to question me and what I wear.”   “Oooh she cursed!” Erica yelled out.   “Girls...Please let’s not make the first day a bad one.” He scolded.   “Sorry Mr. Rodriguez.” Erica said sweetly.   I can’t stand her. She’s such a kiss ass.   “It’s alright honey.” He smiled back.   He looked over at me, I guess waiting for my apology next. If this dude thinks I’m going to say sorry, he’s gonna be waiting till the end of time. Soon everyone else started looking at me. I’m not saying sorry because of what just happened. She should just mind her business. After a few seconds, Mr. Rodriguez just turned around. When he turned back around, he looked at me again. Then he looked at everyone else.   “We can play some games. If there is a game that you don’t want to play, you can sit in the back...any suggestions?” He asked.   Some kid said we should play “Heads, up seven up” while someone else suggested “Simon says”. There was a bunch of stuff they were playing. I sat in the back the whole time. I was the only one who didn’t want to play anything. At some point, during the games, Mr. Rodriguez would look over at me for a few seconds and then back to the games.   I just looked down or away every time. I don’t like making eye contact. They played until it was time for lunch. I didn’t eat. Mr. Rodriguez and the rest of the teachers sat at a big table in the back that over looked the lunchroom. He looked at me again. Then back to the teachers.   “So Mr. Rodriguez how’s your class?” Ms. Marie asked.   She was so pretty. To him, she is gorgeous. I can tell by the way they talk to each other and the way he acts a little nervous around her.   “Oh um…they’re…they’re great… good group of kids.” He replied.   “Oh yes. They’re all little angels aren’t they? Each of them so full of energy and innocence, they’re just adorable.” She laughed.   “Yea, they are. Looks like I’ve got myself a shy one though, might have some problems this year with that one. She doesn’t really like to participate.” He giggled nodding towards my direction.   I catch him looking at me all the time. I didn’t really mind it though because what he didn’t know is that when he isn’t looking, I’m looking at him too. Guess we’re just gonna be looking at each other. Some point during the lunch period, we caught each other’s stares and focused on one another for a few seconds. After lunch we went out for recess. I stood by the grass by myself. I waited to see if someone would come and talk or play with me, but no one did. They all would walk past and stare at me like I had just shot someone. They all decided to play red rover. Since I was the only one who wasn’t invited to play, I sat under a tree that was a little far from the playground. Mr. Rodriguez came over and sat next to me.   “Hi.” He said. I didn’t say anything. I heard him but I didn’t realize he was there. I was in a daze. “Hi.” He repeated. This time I heard him, but I still didn't respond.   “Ignoring me huh?” he giggled.   Still, I said nothing.   “Secret, right?” He asked.   After a couple seconds, I responded, “Yea.”   “Well Secret…what’s up with you? Are you OK? You haven’t really been participating today.” He asked.   “I’m OK.” I answered slightly squinting my eyes from the sun before looking down at my feet.   “Are you sure?” He asked again.   “Yes.”    “Aren’t you hot in that sweater?”    He really does ask a lot of questions.   “No.” I answered blankly.   “You really don’t talk much, do you?”     “I think a lot, but I don’t talk much. Talking gets you into trouble.” I told him After a few quiet seconds.   “Oh no, it’s how you say things that get you into trouble.” He explained.   “Well I say a lot of things…and in a lot of ways. It’s best if I just don’t talk.”    “Oh…is that why you believe you shouldn't talk?" He asked.   "No, my best friend used to tell me that if I didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all…I like to speak my mind freely.” I retorted.   “Used to? Did she move away?” He asked politely.   I just looked at him blankly.     “Hey…I’m just trying to get to know you. Sorry if I seem nosy. You’re just, really---”     “Strange.” I finished for him.     “...No...It’s just that I find you…interesting, that’s all.” He said sheepishly.   “Because I’m strange. It’s ok, I know I am.” I admitted.   “No, really…I do find you interesting. You’re not strange at all. You remind me of myself when I was little.” He explained.   I said nothing and neither did he for a few minutes.   “Well Secret, It was nice getting to know you. I’m glad I did.” He smiled as he stood up to leave.   “Sweaters.” I said after a few seconds.   He stopped walking and turned around to look at me. I didn’t look at him though, instead I stared straight ahead. “Pardon?” He asked confused.   “Sweaters, that’s what people call me. You can call me that too…if you want.” I offered.   “Ok, but I prefer to call you by your first name…if you don’t mind” He giggled.   I looked at him, then looked ahead. “Fine, whatever floats your boat, man.”   He turned and smiled at me before walking away.     Fourth week of school:   I guess I’m walking today. Daniel didn’t get up this morning to take me to school. But then again, when does he ever. He came home late last night, as always. I got out of bed and washed up for school. I brushed my teeth and made myself a piece of toast before I got dressed. I Put on my light pink fuzzy sweater and some blue jeans with the knees cut out. I’m glad Daniel went straight to bed last night instead of coming to talk to me about nothing like he usually does. He seemed drunk and probably won’t go to work today. I grabbed my book bag and headed for the door.   It was 7:45 A.M. and school started at 8. and it was about 7 blocks away and Daniel didn’t sign me up for a bus this year or last year. I knew I was going to be late but I wasn’t about to rush there. I could care less if I got there on time or not. I only go so I don’t have to be at home. On the way to school I stopped by the Golden China Restaurant and bought 5 fortune cookies.   Then I went by the liquor store and got a bunch of penny candy, both with the coins I find in-between the couch and on the floors. I continued my walk to school in no rush at all. When I got there it was 9:00 and I didn’t know that until I went to the office for a tardy slip. The lady at the desk told me that since it’s the first couple weeks of school, all tardies wouldn’t count. But next week they would and that I need to start being here on time. I walked around until I found my classroom.   I opened the door and walked in. The class stopped whatever they were doing. The room fell silent as they watched me come in and sit down.   “Good morning Secret.” Mr. Rodriguez said politely as he slyly looked at the clock on the wall.   I looked at him and said “Hey.”   “Oh, Hey Sweaters.” Erica said mockingly.   The class started to laugh. I didn’t say anything.   “Erica…” Mr. Rodriguez said sternly.   She looked at him then at me and said sorry but I still said nothing. I looked down as the room grew quiet.   “Alright everyone, continue what you were doing. Secret, come here please.” He said.   He handed me a white sheet of paper that had 4 boxes folded onto it and pointed to a table that had crayons, markers and pencils.   “Today we are just writing or drawing 4 things that make us happy, or something that we like to do a lot. Anything you want. Then on the back, you do the same thing but instead write or draw what you don’t like.” He explained.   “Ok.” I said as I took the paper carelessly and walked away.   Most of the kids were working in groups. I sat in a corner away from all of them. Again, Mr. Rodriguez looked at me. This time for a few good minutes like he was studying me for and experiment or something. Then he snapped out of it and just watched the other kids work.   In my first box, I drew a pencil, crayon, eraser and paper and wrote “Art” at the top. My next box, I drew my best friend, Carlos. My third box I tried to draw a few fortune cookies and pieces of candy. Drawing the cookies was a little tough. And in my final box, I drew a man and a woman but I put question marks where they’re faces are supposed to be. On the back, I drew another man with an angry face, but instead I put the question mark where his heart is supposed to be. The second box I drew that freckled face brat, Erica.   The third one, I drew a pair of eyes and wrote “Eye contact.” on top. And my last box, I drew a sweater. We worked until it was time for lunch. In the cafeteria I sat at a table by myself that was in the corner. It was a few feet away from the teachers. Erica and her group of “friends” sat next to my table. They all started to look at me and whisper to each other. I took the bag of fortune cookies and candy out and dumped them out on the table.   I started to choose what I wanted to eat first. I picked up a fortune cookie and ate it piece by piece as I read the fortune; “You will travel far and wide, for pleasure and business, lucky # 10,6,33,28,19,34. Learn Chinese: Each, Mei.” I love these things, they give me hope. I collect them and keep them in a shoe box at home.   I felt something lightly hit the back of my head. Erica and her minions were throwing things at me. I ignored it and ate some candy. Mr. Rodriguez walked over and greeted them and they all talked for a few minutes. Then he came and said hi to me. “Hi.” I said back dryly. He took a sip from his water bottle and looked at the table confused.   “Is that your lunch?” He asked while giggling a little bit.   “Sure, why not.”    “That’s not lunch.” He laughed.   “Anything you eat in the afternoon is lunch.” I explained. “As well as breakfast and dinner.”   “Really?” he laughed.   I looked at him with a serious face. “Yes. Don’t people eat pancakes and crap at lunchtime? What you call that…brunch or something?” He started to laugh.   “Yes…it’s called brunch. You’re funny.” He said still laughing.   I guess Erica and her friends heard him because they were quiet and giving me dirty looks. I didn’t say anything. I just looked at him. I didn’t know how to respond to his compliment. I was never really taught manners. Saying thank you was kind of hard for me to do. I opened my mouth and tried to say it…but I just couldn’t, nothing came out but a small sound.   “Huh?” He asked me confused.   He looked me straight in my eyes. I wanted to look away but his eyes were very pretty! I never really paid attention to his face…or him for that matter. He had long lashes. And his hair was a pretty jet black color and it was long and Kinda wavy .   His chest was a little buff, looks like he works out or something but not too much. His voice was very sweet and comforting. His accent was somewhat persuasive; like he could make you do anything, not me though. Wait, he's my teacher! Let me stop right here.   “Um…I…I gotta pee...be right back.” I said as I hurriedly got up and ran to the bathroom.   Mr. Rodriguez just sat there looking confused. Ms. Marie walked over to him and they started talking. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I tried to fix my hair. It was long as well. Not silky and shiny like his, but just about the same length. I had it in a ponytail with a bang. My mom has long hair too. I don’t know if she’s mixed with something. She acts and looks black but she looks like she has something else in her too. She was pretty. Sometimes I wish I could see her again. I haven’t seen her in years.   I don’t even remember what she looks like. She said she would come back for me soon…or at least that’s what she told me in my dreams. Either way, I haven’t seen her yet. I kept looking in the mirror thinking about her. I wondered where she could be…or if she’s even alive. Does she think about me? Probably not, the only thing I have of her is her heart shaped locket with my baby picture in it…but why’d she leave it?   As I adjusted my sweater and turned to leave, Erica and her two minions came in. I can tell by the grimace of her face that she wasn’t happy, like I cared.   “Hey freak, get out the mirror before you break it.”    The two girls behind her started to laugh. Their names were Gabrielle and Tasha.   “Good one Erica.” Tasha applauded.   “Move.” I said as I headed to the door. Eric rushed past and blocked me.   “Make us move!” She yelled.   I took a deep breath and tried hard to keep myself from slappin the orange out of this chick's hair.   “Move…please.” I repeated.   “The correct phrase is excuse me.” Gabrielle said trying to sound important.   “Well then excuse me.” I retorted.   “You’re such a freak and you know it. I bet your mom knows it too.” Erica said as she moved away from the door and towards the mirror to fix her hair.   “That’s why she left you.” said Gabrielle.   Did she just really?   “Bitch…you got one more time to let my mama’s name come out your mouth. Now excuse me!” I yelled.   I started to walk out but they stopped me and kept talking smack.   “Who are you calling a bitch?” Erica asked. “I’m telling.”   “Man I don’t care. In fact, you can record me saying it and I'll take it to the police station my damn self. Now get the hell out my face and move.” I retorted.   “You’re gonna wish you had never said that, freak.” Tasha explained.   “And one day, you’re gonna wish you were never rude to people. Because everything you say to people affects them, and I hope God has mercy on you on judgment day.” I explained “Drink lots of fluids. You’ll need it for where you’re going.” I smiled.   They got quiet real fast, and with that I walked out and went back to my table. I sat next to Mr. Rodriguez.   “You look upset, you alright?” He asked.   “I’m ok.” I replied as I looked down.   He kept watching my face then looked up when he saw Erica and her minions come and grab their trays and leave. They had disturbed looks on their faces. Good. Then he looked back at me.   “You dislike each other?”   “Very much.”   “Were you friends before?”   “Yes.”   “Oh…how come you’re not friends anymore?”   I just looked at him quickly and looked back down.   “I don’t know.” I said getting a little defensive.   “My mama once told me that your friends now…won’t be your friends in the future. I had a situation like that.” he explained. “The most important person in the world to you is in your life for a minute but one day can suddenly vanish in a second...it’s that easy.”   I thought his words were very true. “Agreed.” I replied. I thought about my mom for a quick second.   He giggled. “You know, you are very smart for your age.” I looked at him. “I mean your point of view. The way you see things is advanced for your age. You really do think a lot.” He said smiling.   “Th…thank you.” I said struggling to get it out.   He looked at me with a soft gaze and said “Your welcome sweetie.”   The bell rung, it was time for recess but instead, we had a behavioral assembly in the gym. They discussed stuff about tardies and other things that I tuned out. I even found myself nodding a little bit. Finally, it was time to go back to our classrooms. Mr. Rodriguez took us to the bathroom first before we headed back to class.   When we went in we all just kept working on what he assigned us. I went to my corner to finish my work. Ms. Marie came by and knocked on the door. When he asked one of the kids to open the door, he nearly fell out of his chair as he jumped up quickly to greet her. I guess she’s that pretty to get injured over. They talked for a few minutes, obviously flirting, and then she left. Both of them had big smiles on their faces. I laughed to myself. He walked over to me.   “Hey, you doin alright?” he smiled as he sat next to me.   “I’m fine….and you?” I smirked.   “What?” he smiled.   “Nothing.” I said anonymously.   He just slyly smiled because he knew what I was talking about.   “She’s a good friend of mine.” He said.   “Oh, yea...real good I bet.” I responded. He laughed.   “Well anyways what are you up to? You done yet?” He took my paper and asked which side was which. I told him the side that said Art is the side with things I like. His smile started to fade as he examined my work.   “You draw very well for your age.” I didn’t say anything. “We’re supposed to share these in class today. Do you want to share with me or to the class?”   “Neither.”    He said nothing but instead just looked at me like he was examining me again.   “Why not?”   “I don’t know. I don't like sharing.”   “Please, tell me then…at least.” He begged. He seemed like he really wanted to know. “I love art too.” he smiled happily.   It was silent for a minute as he continued to look at my paper.   “Can I see your studio?” I asked suddenly, a little embarrassed. He looked at me with a surprised look.   “Well sure, of course you can!” He grinned like that cat off of Alice in Wonderland. "Who's this? He asked pointing to my picture.    “That’s my best friend, Carlos.”   “Oh, where is he now?”   “He’s dead.” I answered softly.   “Lo siento…oh I’m sorry, that means...um...I’m sorry.” He explained.   “I know what it means, and don’t be sorry, I’m glad he’s dead.” I replied.   Mr. Rodriguez snapped his head up quickly and looked at me in confusion. I said nothing. I pointed to the next picture.   “I like fortune cookies and candy. I love the fortunes in them…I have a shoe box full---.” He cut me off. He didn’t say anything he, just had his finger in the air.   “Did...did you…just say that you’re glad that your best friend is dead?” He asked in shock.   I started to crack a smile because of the way he asked the question with his accent. But I didn’t think that was appropriate for the question he was asking…which made it even funnier, so I started laughing. He stared at me hard like he was scared to death and was about to pee on himself and I just kept laughing. I stopped when I noticed the other kids looking at me. I didn’t like that.   I stopped laughing quickly and cleared my throat.   “Yea…but I can’t tell you why.” He snapped out of his examining gaze and asked   “How come?” he asked very hesitantly.   “Just can’t. Now as I was saying, I have a shoe box of these fortunes. I’m starting a new one at home. Sometimes Mr. Ming gives me some for free, I like reading them.” I explained.   He stayed quiet and just gazed at me. I made no contact. I kept my eyes on the paper. He snapped out of it again.   “What’s this one, with the people here?”   “That, ain’t nothing.” I said.   “First of all, ain’t isn’t a word. Second, it’s “that's nothing or that isn't anything” And third, if it’s nothing, why did you draw it on the paper?”    I didn’t say a word. He was waiting for an answer. He wasn’t getting one though. We both were silent at the moment.   “I don’t want to talk about that.” I finally said.   “Ok...” he said as he turned the paper over.   He looked at it and asked me who the girl in the second box was. I was more than happy to tell him.   “That's Erica.” I said proudly with a smirk on my face.   “Oh, baby that’s not nice.” He said in disapproval.   “No, she’s not nice.” I retorted.   He looked at the paper again and then he looked at me. Here he goes again with that look again. It’s like he’s looking for something. I didn’t mind it though, as long as we weren’t making direct eye contact, I’m cool.   “You done here?” he asked.   “Yea.”   “Alright…well um you can sit around and talk or whatever.” he said standing up and dusting off his clothes.   “I’m goin to sleep then.” I replied.   “You don't wanna play with the other kids? He asked.   “No, I’m good.” I responded. I took my extra sweater out my bag and used it as a pillow and went to sleep till it was time to go home.   When I got home, the house was trashed and Daniel was nowhere to be found. I started to clean back up and waited till he came home. He didn’t. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him but I’m used to it, he does this often. One time he left me for at least a whole month. I’m glad I keep a secret stash of food in my room under the floor boards.   I always knew it would come in handy, but I have to keep it hidden or he’d probably take it. I’m glad I can cook a little bit too, simple stuff, or I would have been assed out. It feels cool to live by myself. Where no one can hurt me or watch me be hurt. But people are suspicious, like our nosey neighbor Mrs. Jenkins. She lives in 3B and we live in 3A and I need more clothes for when winter comes.   One day Daniel finally came home. But he had this woman with him. He was dressed real nice and so was she. She looked like she had money so of course Daniel needed to play his part. That’s how he did girls. He’d pretend to be something he’s not, have me play along until he wiped their bank accounts. Then out to the streets they go. I feel bad for them, but mostly I feel bad for Daniel. Seems like he actually likes this one I think.   I don't understand him. It's like he seems to care about me or anything for that matter, but then again, he acts like he doesn’t. On some days, he buys me stuff and tells me I’m a good girl, that’s if I do what he says. Then on other days...he's just not that good person I thought he was. I think that's why my mom left...but why'd she leave me? That question burns me at the core and makes me mad at her like hell. I don’t know how I feel about it. Chapter Two: Too Cold Secret:   When  I met the lady, she didn’t seem pleasant at all. Daniel made me introduce myself.   “Hi…my name’s Se---.” She interrupted me.   “Danny….you didn’t tell me you had a kid.” She said kind of disappointed.   “She isn’t mine. She--.” She cut him off as well.   “Well then why is she here?” she asked ignorantly.   I don’t like this bitch already and it’s only been five minutes. “I…I just take care of her.” He replied. “Why?” she asked.   “I…don’t know, I just do.” he replied as he looked down.   She didn’t say anything, she just stared at me. I looked away though.   “She’s a good girl though…she won’t cause no trouble…right Secret?” he asked. Daniel knew how I was. He knew if I had a chance I would curse the tramp clean out. I just looked at him. “Right?” He said sternly.   “Yea...no trouble.” I replied.   “Now, Miss Divine will be stayin with us for a while.” He said.   I looked at him like he just spoke a different language.   “Don’t look at me like that. She gon be a good house guest and you gon respect her, understand?” he explained.   “Yea.” I said flatly.   “That’s yes sir. While I’m here, you’re going to learn some manners.” Miss Divine said. I said nothing.   “Secret, go in your room, we need to talk.” Daniel said.   I went in and sat on the bed. Daniel came in and stood in front of me. “Aye, don’t start no shit. I really like this one this time and if you blow it for me, you gon regret it, got it?” he explained.   I said nothing so, he grabbed me by my arm.   “Secret, don’t fuckin play with me! Now I asked you a question, do you understand me?”   “Yes!” I said quickly. Now I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not scared of this maniac, this dude’s crazy as hell.   He released me by throwing me on the floor. I almost hit my head on the bed rail. Still hurts either way.   “Don’t come out unless I tell you.” he said angrily as he walked out and slammed the door.   I sat in there for most of the day. I had to pee really bad. I heard some of their conversation from my room.   “Is she eating with us?” The Devil said. That’s what I call her, cuz there ain’t nothing  divine  about that woman.   “She?” he asked confused.   “The kid in the room.”   “Um…I don’t…you want her to?”   “Sure…I would love to get to know the kid. Lay down some rules, if that’s ok.”   “Its fine…” I can tell he wasn’t really comfortable with the idea by the way he replied to her.   He came in and stood by the doorway. I got up and went to the bathroom. When I came out, they both were sitting at the table already.   “Come sit down.” Devil said.   I sat down across from her and Daniel was on the end. I looked at the plate of food.   “It’s meatloaf, cabbage, and mashed potatoes with gravy.” She said with a phony smile.   “It looks very delicious.” Daniel smiled. Delicious? That’s a big word for him. Looks like shit to me.   “Right Secret?” he asked me.   “Yes.” I said flatly.   “Yes what?” she asked trying to correct me. “   Yes Daniel, this meal looks very delicious.” I said sarcastically.   She looked at me with a disgusted face. I didn’t give a fuck.   “Well, let’s enjoy the meal you prepared.” Daniel said trying to fix the mood. He glanced over at me and gave me a hard stare.   “You’re not eating.” She said. I didn’t know if it was a question or a statement.   “I’m not really hungry.” I told her. And this looks like shit, I wanted to add.   “We don’t waste food.” She said. “I can eat it later.” I retorted.   “Watch your tone.” Daniel cut in. I just looked at him.   “Little girl, let me give you some rules here.” She said folding her hands.   “First, watch that attitude of yours. Second, when we instruct you to do something, you do it. Got it?” she explained. I didn’t say a word.   “Secret, she’s talking to you.” Daniel said sternly.   I still said nothing. He got up from the table and secretly grabbed me by my ponytail and threw me in the room.   “Now you get nothing to eat!” He yelled silently. I secretly laughed at how fuckin stupid he was. “Keep on. Your silence gon jeopardize your very existence!” He whispered. His threat sent chills down my spine…because I believed him. I went to the door and it was locked.   I couldn't get out unless someone unlocked it from the outside. He had the door made that way because when I was smaller I would wander the house when he was asleep and try to leave the apartment. I made myself a ham and cheese sandwich with some miracle whip. I got a roll of paper towels and a big bag of chips from my closet and dumped a few chips onto the paper towel. I had a nice meal. Today was Friday. Winter is finally here and it’s freezing. They left me in that room all weekend. I used the bathroom in some empty water bottles. On Sunday night I heard them talking about me, but I couldn’t understand most of it because they had the radio on.   “You need to move.” I heard her say. “This apartment is crappy and will never work for me. Look Danny…we’ve been seeing each other for a while now…and I think we need to step it up a notch. I mean marriage; I’m not getting any younger.   "I agree with you but, baby…I just can’t leave. I got a job, I go to rehab every once in a while and I gotta take care of her.” He explained.   “Are you kidding me Daniel? I have money, we could move into a house away from here. Find you a better job, better rehab center and you don’t have to take care of her anymore. How did you get stuck with her anyways?” she asked.   “Her mama left and didn’t take her with her. I use her as my own little slave sometimes. I know I treat her wrong, but I can’t help it, certain things she does just irritate the hell out of me. Like when she stays quiet when you say sum to her, or when she looks at people in certain ways. Just like her damn mama, and me drinking don’t help at all.” He explained.   “Well …why do you put up with her?” she asked.   “Because….where she gon go? I can’t just leave her on the streets. She’s a little girl still. Plus, why waste her when I can have my own lil maid. You see the house stays clean right?”   He answered. That dirty bastard.   “How old?” she asked really surprised.   “I don’t know, I don’t really remember her last birthday…I don’t even know her birthday. I know she around 9, 10 or maybe 11. I don’t know.” He said.   “Well, I don’t like her at all. She already has a little attitude, if we do keep her as our maid, she could get rebellious as she gets older and not do what we tell her. Then we’ll have a problem, I say we get rid of her.” She said.   “…Well how then?” he asked.   “Beat her some more, I know you already do.” She said almost giggling.   “In fact…I have a better idea…” she said. I couldn’t hear them anymore. I think they started to whisper because a few minutes later I heard him yell out   “Hell naw!” “What do you mean no!?” she yelled back.   “You don’t care about her, and she can’t go anywhere else! It worked for my parents. And it’s the beginning of winter, a perfect time for it!” she yelled while whispering.   “Man…I can’t do that! She’s a little girl, I know she a brat but she don’t deserve that…not at all!” he yelled in a whisper. “…and you…you did that to your own parents? Why?” he asked in shock.   “Because Daniel, I needed things. I read their wills. They've got the green and they gave everything to my sister and me. But we just couldn’t wait. They were too healthy. It had to be done so…we did it.” You can hear the pride in her voice.   “Besides…you don’t care about her do you?” she asked in disbelief.   “I mean...I …I don’t know. I’ve been around her since she was a born. She even got my last name; I just had her since she was five. That's when her mama left.” He explained.   “Look, how bout…I just find her somewhere else to go?” he asked. It was quiet for a moment.   “Fine, but you have till the morning, starting now. If you don’t find someone else to take her then we do it my way, understand?” she asked.   “Morning? That's not enough time Sheila! You really want this don’t you? You crazy...” He said in his pissed off voice.   “Crazy and all yours baby” she said seductively. I heard a kiss sound as I had my ear against the door.   “Fine.” I finally heard him say.   Still listening, I heard the front door open and radio go down a little. I heard a distant knock at the door and Mrs. Jenkins voice.   “Aye, what the hell you want Daniel? It’s almost 11:00 pm and you knockin like you the damn police.” She told him.   “Um…look Mrs. Jenkins…my girl and I are moving soon and…Secret needs a place to live because she can’t come with us and---.” He was cut off.   “Aww  hell  naw! I think she a real sweetie pie and all but I ain’t bouts to raise no mo babies in here! I’m damned near seventy years old. I ain’ts raisin no mo chilren in this house! Shoot, I can barely raise my self!” she retorted. “And why she can’t go with you...? Aw I see, yo new woman don’t like kids huh? Aw well that’s too damn bad! You ain’t bout to dump ya child on me, shit. Get the hell outta here with that!” she said as she closed the door.   “But Mrs. Jenkins…” his words faded. He came back inside and didn’t close the door yet.   “Old drunk bastard….where ha mama at anyways…?” we all heard her through her door.   Daniel finally slammed the door shut afterwards. “I don’t know who else to ask. I don’t have family around and neither does her mama.” He said defeated.   “So…that means you give up then?” she asked excitedly. It was quiet for a moment.   “Yes” he finally said. I just wish I knew what they were talking about.   “Great. Well I’m going to the liquor store for some things for breakfast.” She said. “Be right Back.”   “Alright.”   After she left I heard him come towards my room. I quickly jumped in my bed and pretended to be asleep. He unlocked, opened, and stood by the door.   I think he was thinking. There’s a surprise. He slowly walked to my bed and got to his knees. Then he stroked my hair and kissed me on my forehead…like a daddy would do. Next he placed the golden brown teddy bear under my arm that he got me a while ago and pulled the covers up over my shoulders and tucked me in. He stroked my hair again and got up and walked out of the room. It felt weird when he showed “love”. It was really unexpected. That’s why I never understood him. It’s like he’s bipolar or something. Some days I think he hates me and other days I don’t want to leave his side. He’s a confusing person to me. That’s why I drew the question mark where his heart is on my paper.   I woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast. I smelled bacon, eggs, toast, pancakes and sausage. It smelled really good. I got out of bed and did my daily routine: Washed up, brushed my teeth, got dressed and got my book bag. Miss Devil was cooking and Daniel was sitting at the end of the table reading a newspaper. I started to walk towards the door.   “You didn’t say good morning. We’re sitting right here.” said Ms. Devil.   “Good morning.” I said flatly as I tried to walk out the door.   “Come eat.”   “I’m not hungry.”   “It wasn’t a question. Now come sit down and eat.”   Daniel didn’t say anything or even look at me as usual. He kept his eyes on the newspaper and he was shaking. She set a plate in front of my face. I didn’t move a muscle. instead I just glared at her. “Eat, I said.” She repeated. I stared at her until finally she smacked me across my face hard and yelled “Eat, damn it!” I felt my cheeks grow hot and my eyes become watery. I tried really hard to hold back the tears. I think her fake ass nails scratched me or something. I stared at her again.   “Secret…just eat it.” Daniel finally said quietly.   I gave him a “Did you see that?” look and he nervously looked back at his newspaper. Trembling, I picked up the fork and began to eat. This food tasted really funny.   “Swallow.” She said sternly.   After I did, a slow smile curled on her face and she gave me some apple juice. Even that tasted a little off. Damn, this bitch can’t even make juice! I guess she saw me make a face and said with a smile   “Sorry about the juice, it expired a couple of days ago.”   After I finished, I got up to leave and she stopped me by the door.   “Come here.” She pulled me in the bathroom and put make up over the scratches. Then she aggressively pulled me by my hair and pushed me out into the hallway.   I ran into Mrs. Jenkins’s door hard. Then the bitch had the nerve to throw my book bag at me and slam the door. Oh she’s gonna get hers from me one day. Mrs. Jenkins opened her door and looked at me.   “What you doin Sweaters?” she asked.   “I was running…and I fell.” I lied.   “You fell huh? You sure?”   “Yes.” I told her as I got up.   “You goin to school?”   “Yes.” I repeated.   “But you don’t have no coat on, it’s cold.” She replied.   “…I have to go now…bye Mrs. Jenkins.” I said as I nervously backed up and walked away.   “Child, I pray for you.” I heard her say under her breath as I walked away. I pray for me too.   I walked slowly to school. I was thinking about random things. Like how I miss my mom, and how I never met my dad. How I have to constantly lie to people about what’s going on at home. I hate when I think. Thinking brings up things you’re trying forget. The more I thought, the more I concluded that my life was total shit. And the more I concluded that my life was total shit, the more I wanted to cry….so I did. I started to cry, the more I thought, the harder I cried. I cried until I couldn’t even see where I was going. I had to sit on the curb in front of a clothes shop and I just cried until almost all the energy drained out of me. I felt light headed and fatigued.   “Little girl, are you alright?” a man with a concerned face asked.   “I’m ok.” I replied. I could barely get the words to come out.   “It’s freezing out here. Where’s your coat?”   “I don’t have one.” I answered simply.   “You’re on your way to school?”   “Yes.”   “Want a ride?”   “No.” I said as I got up and quickly walked away.   Dude wasn't bout to kidnap me, shoot. He just looked at me and walked back into the shop. I finally arrived at school. I rung the buzzer, that’s how I know I’m late. The secretary buzzed me in and gave me a tardy slip. It was almost 10:30. Damn! I didn’t think it was that late. I walked down the hall way to my classroom. I walked right in and I guess I interrupted the math lesson. The class grew absolutely quiet and I just took my seat and laid my head down.   “Secret...You’re late.” Mr. Rodriguez said.   “No shit Sherlock.” I mumbled.   “…Excuse me?”   I slowly raised my head up and looked him in his eyes.   "I said, no shit Sherlock.”   The kids started to giggle. He looked at me like I had one eye missing.   “Excuse me but… we don’t use that kind of language in this classroom, understood?” he asked with a stern look. I didn’t say anything. “I asked you a question.” He retorted.   “Kay.” I said ignorantly.   He gave me a hard stare. “Where’s your tardy slip?”   I took it out my pocket and nearly threw it at him, and then I laid my head back down. The room was quiet.   “Secret, you and I need to step out into the hall for a moment.” I didn’t move at all. “Now!” he almost yelled.    Nearly half the class jumped. Even me, I admit. No one ever heard him get loud. Glad to be the first I thought sarcastically. I could tell he was trying to control himself. I got up with an attitude and walked out the room. As he followed behind, I closed the door in his face. He yanked it open and grabbed me by my arm as I tried to walk away.   “What is wrong with you?” he asked.   I said nothing as I tried to yank my arm away. He’s pretty strong but I finally managed to pull away.   “Don’t put your damn hands on me!” I yelled. “Watch your mouth!” he yelled back.   “Make me!” I retorted.   It got quiet as he looked at me. I could tell he was mad. His skin tone changed red. He ran his fingers through his long black hair as he breathed hard, counted and walked around in small circles. I used to do that myself. I count until I can’t count anymore and I sometimes breathe hard but it doesn’t really help. Haven’t done it in a while. He finally stopped and glared at me. I looked away. I walked far from him and sat in a cubby. I was tired and I felt sick a little. He watched me the whole time.   “Secret…we need to talk.” He finally said, trying to calm himself down.   “I don’t want to talk.”    “You don’t have to now, but we will talk.” He answered. “It’s now or later.”   “I don’t want to talk.” I repeated.   He didn’t say anything and neither did I for a moment.   “Why not?” he finally asked. “It’s obvious you have a problem today.” “   My problems aren’t your problems, so why do you want to know them?” I shot at him.   “Because I care!” he said frustrated.   He looked at me with a flushed face. He’s cute with his face. I got up and moved to a different spot. He moved and sat next to me. I moved again, and so did he. This went on for about two more minutes. Finally, I gave up and didn’t move anymore.   “Give up?” he giggled.   “You’re a stalker.” I answered.   “Well thank you” he replied with a smile.   I couldn’t help but also smile. He looked at me, looked down, and then quickly looked at me again with that examining look and a touch of concern on his face.   “Secret, what’s on your face?” he asked.   “What?” I asked while touching my cheek. Oh yea, I forgot about the scratches and makeup. “Oh, it's nothing.” I answered again.   “Yea there is, let me see.” He said as he reached for my face.   I turned my head so he couldn’t and I scooted away a little bit.   “Secret, what’s wrong?” he asked as he got closer. “I just want to see.”   “No.” I replied simply.   I knew he was going to try and reach for me again, so I got up and tried to walk away a little. He stopped me by gently grabbing my arm and pulling me close to him so he could see my face.   “Is that makeup? You’re a little young for it aren’t you?” he asked with a slight laugh while touching it.   “Ow!” Damn, I didn’t mean to say it.   “Ow?” he repeated in a whisper. He just looked at me. “What happened Secret?” he asked.   The way he asked it sounded as if he had just been stabbed. After I didn’t answer right away he went into the classroom and got some tissues. When he came back, he gently wiped the makeup off and revealed the scratches. I didn’t stop him from doing it; I was trying to think of a lie.   “What happened to you?” he asked as he examined the scratches.   “A cat did it.” I answered quickly.   Oh yea! Mrs. Jenkins' cat, whiskers! I could use him as an excuse.   “A cat?” He asked as he examined me.    I could tell he wasn’t convinced. “Yep, my neighbor’s cat, whiskers.”   “You sure?”   “Yea. I was playing with him and I think I played too rough. He scratched me.” I answered.   “It’s almost lunch time…you ready to go back to class like a normal little girl?” he asked.   “No, I’m not normal.” I answered sarcastically.   He smiled and we went in the room. “Alright guys get your lunches and coats and line up.” He told them. He stood by the door and didn’t move. I feel a little nauseous.   During lunch, I laid my head down. I felt tired, but I couldn’t sleep. Mr. Rodriguez came over and gently rubbed my back.   “Secret…you alright honey?” he asked.   I heard him, but I didn’t pay him any attention. I wanted to say I was fine but I didn’t feel like lifting my head up.   “You want to go to the nurse?” he asked.   “No thanks.”   “Well, it’s time to go outside, come on. Where’s your coat?”   “I don’t have one,” I replied as I stood up “my name is Sweaters, not Coats.”   “Oh, well you can’t go outside like that.” He explained. “I’ll be fine; I have on two sweaters and a long sleeve shirt, I walked here and I am fine.” I replied. “You walked?” he asked. “Yea.” I answered. “Well…I still don’t want you out there without a coat.” He said gently.   I was in no mood to argue with him so I didn’t say anything. I just sat and laid my head back down.   “Where’s your studio?” I asked him quietly.   He looked at me and smiled. “It’s across the street from Mason’s. It's a Clothing Store.” He replied as he sat next to me. “The building it’s in looks like a small apartment.”   “I think I walked passed there this morning.” I replied.   “Oh really, I’m there almost every day.” He said with a smile. “You should come visit me, if your parents don’t mind it.”   “Can I come today?” I asked.   “Sure babe, but make sure you remember to ask your parents.” He added.   “They won’t mind.” I replied.   When it was time to go home, I pulled Mr. Rodriguez aside and apologized for the way I was acting. I usually don’t apologize to anyone for anything...except Daniel. But I felt bad because even though I made Mr. Rodriguez mad, he forgave me and was still nice to me. He just smiled sweetly and gave me a hug. At that moment I completely froze. I didn’t hug him back but instead I simply stood there, while he hugged me. It felt weird, I’ve been hugged by Daniel many times, but Mr. Rodriguez’s hugs felt completely different. It felt like my mommy’s old hugs. It was strange coming from him. It felt like love and I wasn’t used to it. He let go and looked me in my eyes.   “It’s ok. We all have our bad days.” Then he smiled and walked me to the exit doors. We didn’t say anything to each other.  “Will you be at your studio?” I asked when we finally got there.    “Yes.” He smiled.   Ms. Marie spotted us and walked over.   “Hello Miguel.” She smiled.   “H...Hola Leelah.” he smiled back nervously. Oooh first names I see.   “And who’s this little cutie pie?” she asked with a smile.   “This is Secret. She’s one of my students.” He answered.   “Well, hello there Secret, that’s a pretty name.” she replied.   “Hi. I like your name too.” I smiled slickly. “Don’t you like her name Mr. Rodriguez?” I asked with a hint.   “Uhh…Yes…it…it’s beautiful.” He said as he nudged me a bit.   “Thank you both.” she smiled.   “You’re welcome.” He said.   “Um…should you be getting home?” He asked me.   “Nope, I’m in no rush at all.” I smiled.   “Oh, Sweetie what’s on your face?” she asked curiously.   I didn’t say anything. “She was scratched by a cat.” He answered for me.   “Oh, that’s terrible! Are you ok?” she asked.   “….I’m fine….I have to go now. Bye.” I said as I nervously walked out the doors.   “Bye, Secret! And oh, and bring your coat tomorrow, ok?” I heard him say from a distance as i got closer to the street.   I walked very slowly on the way home. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to see their faces. I walked past the school playground where kids were playing and other were waiting for rides. I passed the school and passed by a local plaza. I walked past the clothes store again.   “Little girl…” a man said to me. He was standing by the shop door. “Here” He held out a red and black coat with black and grayish fur around the hood. “Try it on.” He said with a smile.   I didn’t move towards him. I just kept looking at him. I started to keep walking.   “Please,” he said “I won't hurt you or anything like that. I just want to give you the coat. That's all.”   The wind blew and I reluctantly walked towards him. I carefully and quickly took the coat from his hands and backed away a bit. I put the coat on, and it fit perfectly. He walked towards me. I backed away.   “Just wanted to button and zip it up for you.” he replied putting his hands up like he was surrendering to the police or something. “May I?” he asked.   “No thank you. I got it.” I replied kinda suspicious of his actions. I buttoned and zipped up the coat myself.   “You can have this.” He replied with a smile.   “Why’d you give this to me?” I asked softly.   “Well, it’s cold out here. And when the snow hits, you’ll need it. You said you didn’t have one.” He replied happily.   He was an old man with brown and a little gray hair. He was in good shape. His eyes were blue and his skin was an apricot color. I guessed he was in his 40’s, the early ones.   “Thank you.” I said to him.   “You’re welcome honey.” He replied. Then he pulled out a matching hat, scarf, and gloves set. After I accepted them, I asked his name. He said it was Mason.   “Mason... Is this your store?” I asked.   “Well, I hope so,” He smiled. “has my name in it. If not, I've been at the wrong store this whole time!" He laughed.   I backed up to look at the sign. It said in big fancy yellow letters, “Mason’s Clothing Store”. I smiled at the man. I took my mother’s locket off and handed to him.   “Thank…Thank you mason.”   He took it in his hands and examined it.   “What's this for?”   “You gave me something, so I’m giving you something.” I replied simply. He gave me the biggest smile and handed it back.   “I think you need this, seems very valuable. I have everything I need here. I have a successful life, and it’s time I give back.” He explained.   “Well then take my favorite ring at least.” I said. “It’s not worth anything, but I found it in a cereal box when I was smaller and I’ve had it ever since.” I said taking the ring off.   He took the plastic ring with the red jewel in it and held in his hand. “I’ll treasure it always.” He smiled. I smiled back and thanked him again.   “Hey, where's your mother? She know you walking around in the cold alone?” he asked.    "Don't have one.”   “Oh, what’s your name?”    “Secret, Secret Stone” I answered.   “Well Secret…What happened to your face?”    “A cat did it.” I replied simply as I walked to Mr. Ming’s Chinese restaurant.   It felt good to be given something for no real reason. No bribes, no conditions, no “you’ll get it if you do what I say’s. Just to be given something, because they want you to have it feels amazing. I loved the coat. It was warm and soft. I got to Mr. Ming’s restaurant and said hello.   “Hello Sweaters. I like your new coat.” Sandra said.   That’s Mr. Ming’s wife. She wasn’t Asian though, she was a black woman. No one really cared because they were cute together but there were some people in the neighborhood that didn’t and wouldn’t accept it. What's wrong with two different people being together? Their windows were broken by rocks with threats on them all the time. No one ever took it seriously because nothing ever happened.   “Thanks, Mr. Mason gave it me.” I smiled.   “Oh how thoughtful.” She replied with a smile.   “Where’s Mr. Ming?” I asked.   “Oh he’s visiting his parents in China. They’re getting really sick.” She answered.   “Oh. That sucks.”   "Yes it does.” She said giggling.   “Here you go cutie.” She handed me a small box of shrimp fried rice, my favorite Chinese food, and ten fortune cookies.  “Mr. Ming said you’re one of his favorite people and that you can have a free meal anytime you want.”   “Thanks!” I said with a smile. I’ll need it if Daniel keeps letting that bitch cook! “But can I pick it up later?” I asked.   I didn’t want them to take it from me.   “Oh sure, we’re staying open late tonight. We close at 10. I have to stay to count, order, and sort the inventory and everything.” She said slouching in the chair behind the counter.   “Everything?” I asked.   “Everything. From fortune cookies all the way to take out boxes.” she replied   “Oh dang that sounds boring. Where's Chu, did he go with Mr. Ming?” I asked.   That’s his cousin, he does the deliveries and picks up the inventory.   “Yea he went with him. I just hope everything’s alright. Haven’t gotten a call from him yet.” She answered.   “When did they leave?”   “Yesterday Morning.”   “Oh, he'll call soon.” I assured. I stood up and glanced at the clock. “I gotta go Ms. Sandra. Gotta get home.” I said as I ran for the door.   “Bye hun.” She waved through the window.   I finally got home and went to my door. I tried to open it but it was locked. I already knew who was behind it because Daniel never locked the door without a note or something on it telling me why. I knocked harder. Finally, the bitch opened the door. “   What?!” she yelled in a whisper.   “Can I come in? I do live here…” I retorted.   “Watch that attitude. Go in your room and say nothing. I have clients.” She shot out.   “You aint gotta worry bout me, I’m not stayin here anyways.” I said coldly.   “And where you goin?” she asked with an attitude.   “With my teacher, if you don’t mind.” I said flatly.   “Girl, I’ll slap the---.”   “You touch me, and I’ll tell my teacher.” I said bravely when actually deep, inside I was scared as hell.   She glared at me and pulled me in.   “Ladies, this is my fiancé’s daughter. Isn’t she adorable?” she introduced.   Man, she phony as hell. They all said hello. I wish I could punch the fuck out of her in front of all these people.   “Don’t mess this up or you’ll be sorry.” She whispered as she secretly pushed me aside. “Refreshments anyone?” she asked them. “Secret, dear, why don’t you refill the lemonade pitcher for mommy ok?” she asked. Mommy? "What the fuck ?" is all I could think. I looked at her and she gave me this “Do it.” Face. I went in my room and took my coat off.   She just made me mad with that "mommy" bullshit. She's gonna pay for that! I paced around for a minute or two thinking. Then I took the water bottles that I had filled with pee and hid them under my coat and came back in the kitchen. Devil was talking to the women with her back towards me. No one saw me. I took the pitcher she had filled with lemonade and poured the pee in it. I stirred and added more ice. I set it on the counter to let it set.   After that I went to use the bathroom. I turned the sink on to make it seem like I washed my hands but I stuck one hand in the pee filled toilet, shook it off a bit, and then I came back out and touched almost all of her food that she had set out. I even spit in her dip for the chips. I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and went to put my coat on. I grabbed my book bag and opened the door.   “Leaving so soon?” Devil said with a phony smile.   “Yes ma’am. Enjoy your party….mom.” I said with a phony smile and headed out the door.   I walked out of the building and ended up meeting Daniel outside. We just stopped and looked at each other. I kept walking and didn’t say anything.   “Secret….” He said. I turned around but didn’t say a word. “Y…you wanna…go to the park?” he asked.   “No.”   “Oh…where you goin?”   “To see my teacher.”   “Where'd you get that coat?” he asked.   “A man gave it to me.” I answered annoyed.   “A man? You taking stuff from strangers now?” he asked sternly.   “Yea Daniel, just like I do at home.” I said flatly.   I was scared. I thought he was going to threaten me for talking back or hit me...but he didn't.   “Oh…ok. I’ll just see you later then.” He said scratching his head.   I just looked at him. “Kay.”   I turned my head so he could get a good look at the scratches. Then I walked away on his ass.   I stopped in front of Mr. Mason’s Shop and looked for Mr. Rodriguez’s studio. I found it, the lights were on and I saw him walk past the window with a canvas board in his hands. I went over and knocked on the door nervously. Mr. Rodriguez came to the door and opened it.   “Hola, Secret.” He said with a smile.   “Hi.”   “Come in, I’m glad you came to see me.” he smiled. “Your parents do know you’re here right?” he asked.   “Yes.”   “Well, then make yourself at home.” He said happily. “Nice coat. Looks cute on you.”   “Thanks, Mr. Mason gave it to me.”   “Well, that’s nice of him.” He said as he took some cans of paint off the shelf.   I took off my coat and book bag and set it on the table as I walked around the place. He had a poster of Mona Lisa on the wall. I saw that picture before in a history book a while ago. I like her smile, if that’s what you call it.   There were a bunch of canvases against the wall that had the most beautiful paintings on them. He had shelves of paper, paint and other supplies. One of his tables had tons of drawings on them. They looked amazing. I picked up one with a fortune cookie drawn on it.   “You like that?” he asked me.   “Yes…it’s awesome.” I replied.   “You can have that if you want it.” He said with a smile. Dang, everyone’s just being nice to me today.   “Thanks.” I said. The next picture I picked up was a picture of some random kids.   “You have kids?” I asked him.   He stopped what he was doing and didn’t say anything. He completely froze and it seemed like he was afraid of the question I asked him.   “Well, do you?” I asked again.   “Um…I…I did.” He replied softly.   “Did? What do you mean?”   “I had a baby once.” he said. “Oh, you were married before?” I asked hopping up to sit on a table.   “No, never married. Out of wedlock. You know what that is?” he asked.   “Yes, it’s when you have a baby but you weren’t married when you had it.”   “You’re very smart.” He smiled softly.   “Thanks...what happened to your baby?” I asked.   “I had a baby girl. With a woman, that I loved but she was unhealthy.”   “The baby or the mama?” I asked confused.   “The mama.”   “How'd she get sick?”   “I um... I don't really want to talk about it.”   It was silent for a minute but I was really curious and needed to know.   “But what happened to your baby?” I asked eagerly.   “She died in a fire.” he said with a broken voice.   I didn’t want to bring back bad memories but I just couldn't stop with the questions.   “How?”   “Someone burned my house down. I think it was her mama...or someone she knew.   “Why would she do that?” I asked.   “I don’t know sweetie.” he answered softly.   “Didn't she know her baby was inside?”   “I don’t know.”   “You miss her?”   “Who sweetie?” he asked.   “The mama.”   “Sometimes.”   “The baby too?”   “Yea...the baby too sometimes.” he said in a low voice. I could barely hear him.   “How come only sometimes?” I asked.   “Experiences can hurt you or make you stronger.” he said walking to get a canvas from a back room. “And that experience hurts. So much that, I try to forget.”   “Why do you want to forget them, wouldn't you want to remember people you love? “ I asked. The questions were just flowing out.   “You know the monkey bars at a playground?” he asked. I nodded. “Well you have to let go of one bar in order to go to the next don’t you? Well, that’s how life is. You have to let go and forget sometimes to move on.” he said.   “Oh...” was all I could say.   “She would have been nine or ten by now.” He randomly said heartbroken. I could tell he was hurt.   “I’m sorry I asked.” I said softly.   “It’s fine, you didn’t mean anything.” He put on a forced smile before looking down. I hopped off the table and walked around the room more.   “Teach me how to paint.” I said trying to change the subject. He didn’t move, I could tell he was still thinking about his baby. I grabbed a canvas board and a paintbrush and brought it to him. “Show me.” I said.   He snapped out of it and slowly took them out of my hands. He put the board on the easel and stopped.   “You want to paint?” he asked.   “Sure.” I answered.   He went in the back room and brought out a smaller canvas board and a smaller easel, and set it up next to his.   “There.” He said as he smiled. I smiled back and got a brush off the table. “What are you going to paint?” he asked.   “I don’t know yet.” I said.   “That’s alright, sometimes I don’t know what to paint either.” He said with a sigh.   “I’ll paint a teddy bear.” I said. “The one Daniel gave me.”   “Daniel?” he asked.   “My step dad.” I answered.   “Oh. Well what do you think I should paint?” He asked.   “Um, Mickey Mouse?” I said unsurely.   “Ok.” He laughed.   He turned on the radio. We actually had a little fun. We painted and he let me watch TV when I was done. I don't get to watch it a lot because Daniel hogs it. After a while, I fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of Mr. Rodriguez gently calling my name. His voice was sweet and loving.   “Hey sleepy head, it’s getting dark, shouldn’t you be getting home?” he asked.   “No, they’re ok with it.” I answered. I got up and stretched and asked what time it was.   “It’s 7:00pm.” He answered.   “What time do you usually leave here?” I asked.   “About 10pm. Sometimes I stay late.” He answered.   “Oh, I’ll be right back.” I said.   “And where are you going?” he giggled.   “To Golden China. I have to pick up some food from Mrs. Ming, I get it free.” I smiled proudly.   “Oh, is that so?” he asked. “Well, I’ll go with you. It’s too dark for you to be alone.” He explained.   “Fine with me dude.” I said as I put my coat on.   He laughed, got his coat and we walked to Golden China. Despite the cold, It was only a couple blocks away. We talked a little on the way there.   “Why do you like art so much?” I asked.   “Because it sets me free, gets rid of stress.”    “And you?”   “Same reason.” I answered. He smiled.   “How come you don’t play or talk with other children?”   “Because, all the other children are dicks.”    “Your vocabulary…” He laughed while shaking his head.   “I know right, blows your mind doesn’t it?” I replied sarcastically. He laughed again.   “You’re very funny.” He replied with a smile.   “Thanks, and you’re….” I faded off. “Um…you’re…”   “I’m what?” he asked.   “You’re cool.” I said. He giggled some more. “I like your hair.” I said.   “Gracias, I was thinking about cutting it.” He explained.   “You can’t!” I said warning him.   “And why not?”   “I like your hair long…looks nice on you.”    “Well, thank you.” He said with a smile.   When we got to Golden China, there were police everywhere and three ambulances. Mr. Rodriguez stopped walking and reached for my hand to stop me from going ahead of him. We watched for a moment to see what had happened. After we saw nothing but policemen and flashing lights, I got frustrated and broke free from his grip. “Secret!” I heard him yell as I ran past the policemen and into the restaurant.   I stopped when I got behind the counter and found Mrs. Ming on the floor dead. She had been shot in the head and in the chest. Same way my best friend Carlos had been. I stood there frozen. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t talk. I was in shock as I stood in the puddle of blood. Her eyes were open and blood came out of her mouth. The thick blood had straightened out her curls. I just looked at her.   “Little girl!” someone yelled. “Get away! Hey, get back!” he yelled again.   He tried pulling me away and I kept pushing him off.   “Leave me alone, that’s my friend!” I yelled.   Finally someone pulled me from the man’s grip. It was Mr. Rodriguez who had me. He pulled me close to him and looked me in my eyes.   “Don’t ever run off like that again, understand?” He yelled. His face was flushed. “You scared me.” he said softly.   Tears ran down my face as I just looked at him.   “Is this your little girl?” the man asked. “   Yes.” He answered.   “You mind if we ask her some questions?” he asked.   “What kind of questions…and who are you?” Mr. Rodriguez asked.   “I’m Mr. Goldberg. She said she was friends with the victim. We would like to ask her some simple questions. That’s all.” The man explained.   They both looked at me and then at Mrs. Ming.   “Alright.” Mr. Rodriguez said. “But can we go outside.” he asked.   “Of course.” Mr. Goldberg said glancing once more at Sandra before the ambulance people covered her up.   Mr. Goldberg took my hand and we started to walk away. Mr. Rodriguez grabbed him by his arm.   “No, if you have to ask her anything, ask in front of me.” The two men glared at each other, then, Mr. Goldberg agreed.   “Alright honey, how did you know Mrs. Ming?” he asked me.   “I come here every other day and buy fortune cookies. Me and my mom used to come here when I was little.” I answered.   “Where’s your mother now?”   “I don’t know.” I answered. Mr. Rodriguez looked at me.   “When’s the last time you saw Mrs. Ming?”   “Earlier today after school. She gave me free food, I was coming back to get it.”   “Really? And where was Mr. Ming?”   “He’s in china visiting his parents. They’re sick.” I replied.   “And how do you know this?”   “….Mrs. Ming told me when I asked her.” I answered annoyed.   “Alright,” He said as he looked at Mr. Rodriguez. “That’s all we need dear.”   I got a glance of the ambulance men putting the body bag on the gurney. Mr. Rodriguez pulled me close to him and covered my ears. I could still hear the muffled sounds.   “What happened?” Mr. Rodriguez asked him.   “Just a simple robbery gone wrong. She was alone here, the guy robbing her obviously panicked and fired. Son of a bitch got away though. Him and the money.” Mr. Goldberg explained.   “That’s terrible.” He said sympathetically.   “Yea well, Thank you for your time.” Mr. Goldberg smiled as he walked away.   “…Come on Secret. This isn’t for a child’s eyes.” Mr. Rodriguez said softly as he gently pushed me from the scene. I broke free from him and ran in the kitchen.   I looked in the fridge for the small box of shrimp fried rice Mrs. Ming had put up for me. It had my name on it in bright red letters. A tear rolled down my cheek as I took it out and walked back towards Mr. Rodriguez.   “Stop doing that!” he scolded.   We started to walk back to the studio. It was real quiet. Mr. Rodriguez reached out and held my hand. I didn’t refuse. We held hands until we got to the studio.   “You alright?” he asked. I didn’t say anything. “You want me to heat that up for you?” he asked referring to the box of rice under my coat.   “No, I’m never eating it.”   “Well, It’s gonna go bad.” He tried reasoning.   “I don’t care.”   He sat next to me and hugged me. “I know you’re hungry.” He smiled. I didn’t say a thing but my stomach did. He laughed and I smiled. “Come on, let me feed you before I take you home, how about pizza?” he asked. I nodded reluctantly. “What kind you like?” “He asked.   “Just cheese.”   “Really? I like that too.” He said smiling.   After the pizza arrived, we just sat around, ate and relaxed. While we ate, I had to ask him a question that had been bugging me since we left Golden China.   “Why’d you tell that man I was yours?” I asked him.   “Well, all teachers at some point claim their students to be their own. Plus, he wanted to ask you some questions, if I wasn’t your parent, he probably would have wanted a parent’s permission. I didn’t want to worry yours, so I just said you were mine.”   “Oh.” Was all I said.   “I like your artwork and stuff, it’s cool.” I complimented.   “Well, thanks……my art’s cool….I’m cool? You know what, I think you actually like me.” he said with a cocky smile.   “No, I think you’re a nice stalke though.” I replied. He laughed.   “Be it as it may, you like me.” he said with a smile. “I’m your friennnd. I’m your friennnd.” He started to tease. He got up and danced around repeating it over and over.   “No, you’re not my friend. I don’t like you.” I said trying not to smile. He kept on repeating it. “No, you’re a stalker. Stop it.” I kept saying.   “I’m your friend, you like me and you know it.” He said with a happy grin.   “Ok….I like you, but you ain't my friend.” I replied as I folded my arms and turned from him.   “That’s fine with me amigo, it’s still close.” He replied happily.   “Not even in Spanish.” I said.   “Damn.” He said defeated.   “Oooh you said damn.” I accused.   “So do you.” he said back. We both laughed.   “You sure I’m not your friend?” he asked.   “Positive.”   “Well, it’s getting late. I should take you home, your parents might be worried.” He said.   “That’s parent, and he ain't worried.” I corrected.   “The word is “isn’t” and I bet he is.” He giggled. “Come on let’s go.” he said.   I got my coat, book bag, the Chinese food, and drawing he let me have. He asked me where I lived after we got into his car.   “Where’s your mama?” he asked in his accent.   “I’m not sure…She left when I was five I think."   “Oh…my mama left me too when I was 7.” He said softly.   “Why?”   “Why’d yours leave you?” he asked.   “I don’t know."   “Exactly."   It was quiet for a minute.   “I’m sorry for your loss.” He said.   “It’s fine.” I replied softly. "I’m used to let downs."   He looked over at me but i kept looking straight ahead.   “We’re here.” I pointed out flatly.   “Want me to take you up?”   “Sure.” I said.   We went in the shabby old building and walked to the third floor.   “3A.” I said.   We walked till we reached my door. He knocked but Mrs. Jenkins came out of her door instead.   “Hey Sweaters, who this?” She asked curiously.   “Hello, I’m Mr. Rodriguez. I’m her teacher.” He said with a smile as he held his hand out for a handshake.   “Damn…..well um…Mr. Rodriguez…you sure is fine. Is there a Mrs. Rodriguez?” she asked laughing.   Oh God, this lady is tryin to flirt with my teacher.    “Hi, Mrs. Jenkins.” I said putting strength on the word “Mrs.”   “Girl, my husband almost dead. Hey teach, I think I could use a lesson.” She said laughing and flirting.   Mr. Rodriguez started to smile nervously. Then Daniel opened the door.   “Who is you?” he asked rubbing his eyes and reaching for my hand. He sounded like he was sleep or maybe drunk.   “I’m Mr. Rodriguez…her teacher.” He said flatly.   “Aw….you brought her home?” he asked.   “Yes…” Mr. Rodriguez said.   “Aw, iight."    “Come on Secret.” He said reaching for my arm.   “Wait…” Mr. Rodriguez said while grabbing me gently by the arm. “Good night. Go straight to bed, school tomorrow.” He smiled.   “Goodnight.” I smiled back.   After he left, Daniel took a plate of food out of the microwave and handed it to me.   “I ate already, thank you though.” I said.   He looked at me. “What you eat?”   “Pizza.”    “Iight, drink this then. You need it.” He handed me a glass of juice. “Drink it.” He ordered.   I took a sip and nearly spit it out.   “It’s vitamin juice…..healthy for kids.” He said wobbling to the couch.   Since when did this asshole care about my health? After I drank the juice, I washed up and got ready for bed. I had a dream about Daniel. He took me to the park when it was dark, and left me there. When I got home, it was empty. I tried to call his name but no sound came out. I have some strange dreams.   Over the next few weeks, it was the same story. Ms. Devil made me eat breakfast. I didn’t argue, I just ate it. I didn’t want any more scars and scratches to lie about. Again Daniel said nothing. I walked past Golden China. The ambulances were gone but some police cars and some stand byers were there with yellow police and crime scene tape. It reminded me of that TV show, CSI. I walked past Mr. Mason’s shop and waved at him. I even felt sick again. Again, I was late, like I cared.   Again, Ms. Marie and Mr. Rodriguez would flirt. Even Erica had some shit to say. She was making fun of me because I had a new scratch on my face. I just wanted to know how everyone saw it. It wasn’t even that big! After school, I visited Mr. Rodriguez a couple more times. I couldn't go everyday but I went when I could. I decided to go by there today, it's Saturday and I have nothing planned.   “So you didn’t always live here?” I asked.   “Here in Illinois?” he asked.   “No, here in this country.”   “Oh, no I haven’t. Beautiful Mexico is where I lived, right in Cancun.” He answered.   “Oh, I always wanted to go to Mexico.” I replied.   “You should go one day then, beautiful country.”   “Did you know Cancun was once a jungle? I love that, the fact that you can take nothing, and make it into something.” He said smiling.   “Oh cool. Why’d you leave?” I asked. He froze again, like he did when I asked him about his baby.   “Um….let’s change the subject, please.” He smiled nervously.   “Ok. You have any friends?” I asked trying to change the mood.   “I have many, but only a few good friends.”   “Oh.”    “How about you, where are your friends?” he asked looking at me.   I was sitting on one of his tables swinging my legs and he was painting.   “My friend is dead and my other friend is my enemy now.” I answered.   “Why you and Erica not friends anymore?” he asked.   “She got jealous of me and Carlos. She thought I liked him better because we hung out more. She started to slowly become a bitch and---.” He cut me off.   “Hey…” he scolded.   “Sorry. But anyways, her dad came back from the army and they had a lot of money and she just thought she was just too good for us. She had nice clothes and toys. Then one day she stopped talking to us, and when she did it was nothing nice. Then Gabrielle and Tasha became her new friends…or minions….whatever you prefer.” I explained.   “We all had been friends since we were smaller. All I know is that I had one friend left, and now he’s gone.” I finished.   “What happened to him…?” he asked.   “His mom shot him in his head and chest while he was taking a nap in his room.” I answered. He stopped painting and turned to look at me.   “W...Why would she do such a thing?” he asked in shock.   “Why do people do a lot of things?” I answered. He looked at me like he wanted to know more. “She said the voices in her head told her to do it. She was a junkie.” I said.   “That’s terrible...” he said in disbelief.   “No it’s not, I'ts a good thing.” I said.   “….Why?”   “He was being abused, by her and all her boyfriends. He told me I was his only friend. And I believed him, because he was my only friend. But he’s dead, and that’s good because now he doesn’t have to be hurt anymore. He’s safe now.” I finished before looking down.   Mr. Rodriguez just looked at me before he looked down too.   “He was supposed to meet me at the secret place that day…” I said.   “What secret place?” he asked.   “In the woods, there’s this spot out there with a tree, it has an old car next to it. We made it like our own clubhouse. I stopped goin when he died. I don’t even remember where it is anymore I think.”   It was quiet for a minute. “I know where that is…” he finally said.   “You do?” I asked surprised.   “Yes, I took my dogs for a walk one day in the woods and they ran off and I followed them. They lead me right to that car. It was a yellow, old fashion car. Like a beetle or something.” He said.   “Yea I remember!” I said excitedly.   “I could take you there. Do you want to go?” he asked smiling.   “When?” I asked.   “How about now?” he replied.   “Ok!” I said smiling.   “Alright let’s go.” He said cheerfully.   The drive to the woods wasn’t that long. It was really a forest preserve and a lot of people walk or ride their bikes on the track. Mr. Rodriguez parked his car in the lot. When we got out and started walking, I asked him about his dogs.   “What kind of dogs do you have?”   “I have a Female Golden retriever, named Dorada and a Male Maltese-poodle named Mixto.”   “Cute, What do they mean?" I asked.   "In English,  Dorada means golden and mixto means mix."   "But I thought it was pronounced Dorado, not dorada." i explained.   “Oh, it's because she’s a girl.” He said. “Sometimes in Spanish, if you’re a female you change the o at the end of the word to an “a”. Like Chico, this means boy and Chica which means girl.” He explained.   “Oh.”   “How do you know Spanish?” he asked.   “My mom spoke it sometimes. She said she learned from someone else. She didn't speak it a lot, she only knew some words and short sentences.” I explained.   “Oh, she wasn't fluent you mean.” He said.   “Yea, that word.”   As we walked the track I kept trying to look for things that would help spark my memory in helping find the tree. I couldn’t find a thing. Luckily, Mr. Rodriguez remembered and we took a shortcut off the trail.   We arrived at the tree with the car. I stopped and just looked at it. Carlos died about 3 years ago. I haven’t been here in a while. I wanted to get a good look at it. I walked up to the car and touched it. It was cool and rusty. I opened the door and a squirrel jumped out and scampered away. Mr. Rodriguez started to laugh.   “Not funny!” I said embarrassed a little. I started to get in.   “Um…I don’t think that’s safe.” He warned.   “It’s safe.” I reassured as I tried to climb inside.   “Yea, but you haven’t been here in a long time….it may not be safe anymore.” He said.   I didn’t try to get in anymore, instead I stepped on the door and climbed on top the car and got in the tree. The way Carlos always did it. I was always scared to do it. I used to always just swing on the swing we made and play in the car. The swing! I jumped down and started to walk towards the swing.   “Don’t you dare!” He warned walking over to me a bit. “It looks like it’ll fall to pieces.”   “Oh, you’re such a baby.” I teased. As I headed towards the swing again.   “Secret, I mean it. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He warned.   I sighed heavily and backed away from the swing. I walked back over the car and opened its trunk. Our snacks and toys we hid in there were still there. Well kinda, looks like the squirrels got to most of it.   “What’s that?” he asked. I started to laugh.   “That’s the peanut butter and jelly sandwich Daniel made for me.”   The bread was green and the peanut butter and jelly was oily in its sandwich bag.   “Gross…” he said laughing.   My favorite doll Daniel had given me was in there. It was brand new when he gave it to me. Still looked brand new, just needed to be wiped down. Carlos’ favorite teddy bear, Randy, was there. I took it and held it close. The wind started to blow.   “Can we leave now?” I asked.   “Sure, you taking those with you?” he said referring to the doll and teddy bear.   “Yea.”   “Alright, let’s go. And make sure you clean those things.” He said softly.   On the walk back I thanked him. It was nice to visit and I was grateful for it.   “No problem sweetie.” He smiled.   Chapter Three: A Different Point Of View. Secret:     Every day was the same routine . They made me eat or they made me drink that juice all the time. I was late for school almost every day. The school called my house to complain about the tardies but no one answered. So I took it into my own hands to just start waking up earlier than expected. Daniel and Devil eventually found out I was up early and just had the juice in the fridge for me. I had to always drink it before I left. And if I didn’t drink it, they’d hit me. Every day I went to see Mr. Rodriguez after school. Every day we’d talk.   Everyday he’d ask the same question “Are we friends yet?”   I’d give him the same answer “No.” And he would laugh it off.   When I came home, the juice would be in the fridge waiting for me. I thought I would be fat by now from how much they made me eat and drink. Yep, everything was the same, except me. I felt sick; I threw up mostly and grew tired all the time. I ran out of energy frequently and I always felt light headed. I slept all the time. Daniel and Devil made it no fun either. They’d tell me to do stuff and I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have the strength or the energy. When I didn’t do it at all or not fast enough, they’d hit me.   Not just the regular slaps and scratches I’m used to, but actual punches and kicks. Bruises and Bumps all over me. The only ones I couldn’t cover are the ones that show on my face. Devil would put a lot of makeup over them but some were still noticeable. I’d always say I fell, ran into something or a type of animal did it. I don’t know why I kept covering for them. One day I forgot to drink the juice before I left for school and when I came home, as soon as I opened the door Ms. Devil threw her high heeled shoe at my face and it hit me in the nose. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and Daniel just sat there and watched. He just looked down, like he was the one hurt.   In class it had started bleeding again and I didn’t know it. Mr. Rodriguez took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up. He didn’t ask about it. Then on Sunday I was taking a nap in my room and Ms. Devil came and burned me a little on my arms with her curling iron. That hurt like hell! I even cried. I drank the juice and ate the food for that day. I didn’t understand why she came in and did that, I didn’t do anything. My arms hurt so bad that I had to be careful doing anything. It hurt to pick up things, to move them, and the slightest touch felt horrible. In the middle of the night, Daniel came in and woke me up to put some sticky stuff from a plant on my burns.   “So it don’t blister up anymore.” He explained.   He said it’s called an Aloe Vera. It felt really good. He said not to tell Sheila. I had to put on my light sweaters because the heavy ones hurt my arms. I couldn’t even put on my coat so I had to walk to school without it all week. The air felt good on my burns. I had caught a slight cold from it though. I don’t get sick often. It wasn’t till Thursday that anyone noticed I looked…different. Mr. Rodriguez had asked me where my homework was. I haven’t turned in any homework for like two weeks. I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t do it because I didn’t have the strength to do it after my beatings. I just told him I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to.   At lunch he pulled me aside and asked me if I was alright.   “I’m fine.” I said softly.   “You sure?”   “You don’t look too good.”   “I…I’m fine.” I said tiredly as I tried to walk away.   “Secret…” he said quietly as he gently grabbed me by my arm to stop me.   “Ouch!” I yelled out, yanking my arm away.   “…I didn’t hurt you… did I?” He asked as he jumped back a little.   “No.” I said quickly.   “You sure...you did yell pretty loud…”   “I’m ok…” I said softly.   He just glared at me. I started to slowly walk away because I felt tired and I just wanted to sit down. Then, he lightly touched my arm again.   “Ow!” I cried out loud.   “What’s wrong?”   “Nothing.” I said simply.   He started to get that examining look. I started to walk away, he grabbed my hand and pulled me close. He squatted down to my level and looked me in my eyes. I didn’t look away. I didn’t have a choice. I thought if I looked away, I’d give myself away. Eventually, I couldn’t take it and looked away.   “What’s wrong with your arm?” he asked sternly.   “Nothing.” I said quickly. He starred at me. The stare he gave me told me “I know your hiding something.” Before I could stop him, he quickly raised my left sleeve. His face was unreadable. He just looked at my arms and then at me.   “What happened?”   I didn’t say anything. He looked at me and then stood completely up without taking his eyes off me. He took me to the nurse, Ms. Marie. I had no idea that she was the nurse. Then again, I never saw her with a class. Man, usually school nurses aren’t there all the time, this chick was here almost every day.   “Oh hi Miguel!” she smiled as she fixed her hair.   “Hi.” He said softly.   “Is something wrong?” she asked.   He swung me over gently to show her my arm. “What do those look like?” he asked.   She took my arm softly and I winced. “They look like burn marks.” She answered as she looked at me with curiosity. “Sweetheart what happened to you?” she asked.   Mr. Rodriguez stood close with his arms folded as they both waited for an answer.   “Daniel told me not to play by the curling irons. I did it anyway and it fell on me.” I lied.   She examined my face and then started to roll my other sleeve up. “These are Burns also.” She said. “How’d you get those?” she asked.   “…Same thing, I kept doing it.” I replied quickly.   “Oh…what about these bruises by your shoulders?” Mr. Rodriguez spotted, gently pulling my shoulder sleeves off.   “I ran into the door. I’m very clumsy.” I said with a phony giggle and smile.   They both just looked at me and it became quiet. Ms. Marie gently and slowly rolled my sleeves down for me and adjusted my sweater to cover my shoulders.   “Secret…you can go back to lunch.” Mr. Rodriguez said softly while glaring at me.   I looked up at him before I walked out of the office very slowly.I knew that i had messed up. They probably know what's up. Maybe I'll get away with it. If not, i can tell Daniel and have him agree to the lie i told. I was in the hallway thinking about what to lie about and how to get the story straight and no one was there but me. I could barely move. I was so tired, completely drained.   Mr. Rodriguez:   I didn’t know what to do. I saw the burn marks on that baby’s arms and it nearly scared me to death. I didn’t know how to react to it. W…what was I supposed to do? Her step father seems to know already. Then something caught on and it reminded me of a bad memory. It gave me flash backs.   “Oh, that poor kid. Parents need to be more careful and take action. You just can’t tell a child to not do something without a warning of what might happen.” I heard Leelah say.   I was quiet for a minute. “…Iron fell on me my ass!” I said coldly.   “What?” She asked confused. I turned and looked at her.   “The curling iron did not fall on her, it was put on her.” I explained.   “What do you mean?” she asked with curiosity.   “She has severe burn marks on her arms. An accident wouldn’t have them like that.” I said with security. “And, there are burn marks on both her arms. I know that little girl and the way she is. She is absolutely not stupid enough to do it again, she is being abused!” I said growing more angrier.   She just looked at me but she didn’t say a word. “H…how can you be so sure?” she asked quietly.   “Isn’t it obvious? ...It should have been.” I said sheepishly. “Why didn’t I see it at first? The anti-socialness, no manners, lack of trust, sudden injuries….I should know. I should have noticed.” I said softly.   Leelah came by and rubbed me on my back. Then she looked me in my eyes. “You cannot blame yourself.” She said sweetly. “A lot of people don’t notice what’s right in their faces. And you’re just her teacher, how could you have known?” she asked softly.   “Because….I went through the same thing.” I sat down on the bench inside the room and she sat real close right next to me.   “Tell me.” she smiled.   I was hesitant to talk about it at first. I wasn't comfortable talking about my past.   “My…father…would hit my mother…all the time. And when she wasn’t around, he’d hit me.” I said. “He drank a lot. We owned a grape vineyard in Cancun, where I lived at the time. The grapes weren’t growing properly; our land had gone dry costing my father thousands of dollars. He always drank to ease his own pain, but I don’t think he ever realized how much pain he caused others. Some of my family left already and came to America, to get away from the terrible drought." "Some of us stayed, praying the land would be fertile again.  We went bankrupt, and he got worse. The beatings got worse. He even drove people away. One night, my mother came into my room and stayed with me. My father burst in and he had a gun in his hand. He aimed it at us, and she tried to protect me by standing in front of me.”   “He kept yelling at her and she kept begging him to put the gun down. He was drunk and stumbled with every move. He fired on accident, and it nearly missing us and went through the window. She pushed me away and told me run. And I…. I didn’t run, because I was afraid. I wish I did though. He came and grabbed me by my hair and put the gun to my head and threatened to shoot if she didn’t go down stairs with him and make love to him. She finally agreed and begged him to let me go. Once he did, he watched her go down stairs then he kissed me on my head and told me, ‘Never be the man I am,’ then he left. A few hours later, my mother came and woke me up. She had a car and a few bags packed outside. She told me I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. We drove to the airport and got on the plane. When I woke up, we were in America. And I’ve never felt so free.”   I turned and looked her in her eyes. “The bruises, the scratches, the bumps, the burns…they never heal fast enough. During school I wore long sleeve shirts, I didn’t talk much, and I always lied about the scars. Two years later, I came home and my mother wasn’t there. There was a note that said she had to leave, and that my aunt would take care of me. My aunt picked me up and packed all my things to live with her.” I paused. “….I should have known…” I stood up and wiped the tear that tried to come out.   Leelah came behind me and grabbed me by my waist, and laid her head on my back. I turned to her. Her eyes said that she really cared. She leaned in and kissed me. I didn’t refuse at all. I kept kissing her. It was long and passionate but she stopped regretfully.   “I forgot we’re at work,” She giggled nervously. “but what are you gonna do now?” I looked at her as I was still hooked on the kiss. I pulled away.   “I’m gonna talk to the principal and maybe we can call the police. Thank you, by the way …for listening.” I said gratefully. She smiled at me.    We walked to the office to talk to the principal. We tried asking for him but the secretary was on the phone. We waited, then out of nowhere, a desperate yell for help came from the bathroom. We ran to see what had happened and a teacher had come out with a girl in her arms.   “Secret!” I yelled. I was scared. I grabbed her and pleaded for her to wake up. Leelah checked her pulse, she was still alive. But her eyes wouldn’t open.   “Please,” Leelah screamed. “Someone call an ambulance!”    Everyone started to panic. Erica was standing by the bathroom wall watching us. Her facial expression was unreadable and she stood there motion less.   “Secret…please wake up. Secret…por favor.” I pleaded as tears ran down my face.   Tamar:   I’m nervous, very nervous. All kinds of questions have been running through my mind all day. How do they look now? Will they recognize me? Sitting in this taxi cab got me itching. I can’t wait till I get there. I can’t wait to see them…to see what I had been missing for so long. I arrived at the building and went to their door. I still remember it. A woman opened it up and looked at me. It was quiet for a minute.   “May I help you?” she asked in a bad attitude.   “Yes I’m Tamar Reevis. I…I came to see Daniel Stone.” I replied politely. ”Does he still live here?”   “Yes, what do you want with him?” she asked.   “Aye, babe who's that?” I heard Daniel say.   He came to the door and looked at me. “May I help you?” he asked politely. He sounded sober.   “Daniel…it’s me Tamar.” I explained.   He just stood there and looked at me. He looked at me like I was lying.   “…Daniel!” that lady said in jealousy.   He snapped out of it “Whatchu want?” he asked after a minute.   “Where’s Secret?” I asked.   “Wait a minute, who are you?” the lady said with an attitude.   “I’m her mother, thank you.” I snapped. She was starting to piss me off.   “Her mother? Oh, the druggie.” She said with a giggle.   I just looked at her. “I’m clean. I’ve been clean for 4 years now.” I said as politely as I could.   “Should have been clean in the first place.” she said ignorantly as she walked off.   “Blame him.” I retorted.   She looked at me, then at him. He looked down avoiding her. “Look…what do you want?” the lady asked.   “Look…mind your business.” I replied.   “Who do you think you’re talking to?” She asked.   “Absolutely Nobody.” I said with a smile.   “Aye, come on now Sheila.” Daniel scolded. “Come in Tamar.”    “What?” She said in disbelief.   “Well she caint stand in the hallway.” He explained.   “And why not?” she asked with an attitude.   I came in and she gave me a look. I gave her the same look.   “Want a drink or sum?” he asked.   “Sure thank you.” I answered.   I sat on the couch in the living room. The same one he had since I met him.   “I’m Sheila Divine, Daniel’s fiancée.” She introduced with a little cockiness in her voice.   “Kay.” I said with a smile. Hers faded away.   “Here you go.” Daniel said as he handed me a glass of lemonade.   “Thank you. So, how have you been?” I asked him.   “Ok…I’ve been goin to rehab…sometimes.” He answered.   “Oh, that’s good.” I replied. “Yep…”   It was quiet for a minute. Then there was a knock at the door.   “Aye, stone!” a woman yelled. “Aye, you seen my cat?”   Daniel sighed and shook his head. He got up and went and opened the door. A plump old woman entered the house and started searching.   “Um…why don’t you come in?” Daniel asked sarcastically as he closed the door.   “I caint find my cat. You seen whiskers anywhere?” she asked. Then she stopped and looked at me.   “Dang Daniel….I didn’t know you was into the group thing.” She said. Group Thing, what she talking about? “Oh she’s pretty though, I see why you’re into it.” She said.   “No, no, Mrs. Jenkins that’s Tamar…” He tried to explain.   “Aw I don’t care what her name is honey, that’s yo business.” She said giggling.   “No, that’s Tamar…Secret’s mama.” He explained.   “What? That aint no Tamar.” She said while trying to see who I was. She got closer, squinting her eyes.   “Oh….oh wow…” She said in shock holding her glasses to her face. “Tamar….well look at you! Looking like a bouquet of roses, you so pretty when you aint on that stuff!” she said smiling.   “Well, thank you Mrs. Jenkins.” I smiled. “I worked hard to get clean.”   “Well that’s good honey, how long?”   “Four years.” I said smiling.   “Oh well I’m proud of ya, you look beautiful…” she complimented.   “You do...” Daniel agreed.   “Thank you both.”    Sheila looked mad and announced she had to pee.   “Don’t nobody wanna know dat!” Mrs. Jenkins replied as Sheila slammed the door. “Terrible ass attitude. So anyway, how you been darling?” she asked me.   “I’ve been good. I was living in Tennessee for a while with a friend. I’m in Indiana now, not too far. I started taking parenting classes and I even got a job as a daycare teacher's assistant. So everything is prettty ok so far.”   “Oh really, well that’s good baby.” She smiled. “Thank you. Daniel, when does Secret get home from school?” I asked.   Daniel:   She looks so beautiful, like when I first met her. I ain't mean to get her hooked on the drugs. I just wanted her to try it. Make her feel how I felt. She didn't really want to but I made her. She wasn’t the same ever since. Until now, she was a different woman. I had a whole different respect for her. But when she kept asking me about Secret, I felt...guilty. How do I tell someone that I…I’m…harmin their only child?   “Daniel…?” Tamar said.   “Oh, um 3:00.” I answered. The phone started to ring and I answered it. After a couple minutes I hung up. I just looked at Tamar.   “What’s wrong?” Tamar asked.   “It's Secret, she's in the hospital. She really sick…” I answered.   “Well what's wrong with her? How'd she get sick?” She asked nervously, each question piercing my heart.   "Um...I don't know. They said she fainted, she's in the emergency room."   "Oh God, I hope she's ok." She said getting up and grabbing her bags.   "You need to call a taxi?" I offered.   "No, thanks. I've got the taxi man still running downstairs. Are you going to come too?"   Sheila opened the bathroom door, but didn't come out. I looked over at her for approval and she shook her head no.   "Uh, i can't. Not right now, I'll meet you there maybe. Or just call me...let me know whats going on." I said getting a pen and paper to write down my number for her.   "Well alright," she said taking it. "it was nice seeing you again Daniel." She said as she rushed out the door. " Bye Mrs. Jenkins and...everyone else.” She made a face at Sheila and Sheila glared backed at her.    After a few minute Mrs. Jenkins finally left. Then Sheila finally came out the bathroom in panic.   “Daniel, pack our stuff, we need to leave now!”   Mr. Rodriguez:   I waited in the waiting room at the hospital with my palms against my face. Leelah was sitting next to me with her hand on my thigh. I felt terrible.   “Miguel, stop beating yourself up.” She told me. I just looked at her then I put my palms on my face again. “Miguel…” Leelah said in a whisper while shaking me.   I raised my head to see the doctor coming our way.   “Hello I’m Doctor Pollum. And you are whom to the patient?” he asked.   “I’m Miguel Rodriguez, her teacher.”    “Are you the only caregiver at this time?"   “Yes sir.”   “Ok, well Secret isn’t doing too well. We lost her twice, but she’s finally stable. She’s still unconscious but you may still see her if you like.” He explained. “Is she with you?” he asked referring to Leelah.   “Yes.”   “Ok, two people at a time, room 112.” He smiled as he walked away.    I just stood there. I was afraid to see her because I didn’t know how I would react. Leelah came and held my hand then she guided me to room 112. When we got to her door, Leelah stopped and pushed me in front of her, gesturing for me to go first. I hesitated as I reached for the door knob. I walked in and saw Secret attached to all kinds of tubes and wires. She looked…peaceful. I wanted to cry, just at the fact that this little girl could die any minute. She’s done it twice, she could do it again, and this time she might not come back. The nurse had walked in and fixed the bed that was next to Secrets for the next patient. They rolled a boy in on a gurney, he looked a few years older than Secret. He had bruises and burn marks on him. His face looked calm and he even smiled at me.    After they got him situated they asked us to step out of the room. We sat in the waiting room for a while and a few minutes later, we saw the doctor followed by two nurses rush into the room. I started to get worried. I wanted to be in there and find out what was going on. The thought of it made me laugh inside. I could already hear Secret calling me a stalker. The doctor came out of the room a while later and walked quickly towards us.   “….Secret’s awake.” He smiled. “She doesn’t really remember what happened, but despite her injuries, she is feeling a lot better…well, after she threw up a couple times. You can see her now if you’d like.”   A smile came across my face as I stared to walk towards her room. “Oh and uh…are you… aware of her vocabulary?” he asked.   “Yes…blows your mind doesn’t it?” I said almost laughing as I rushed to her room.   I walked in and she was laying down watching TV and then she looked at me. A smile went across my face as I walked towards her and held her hand. She didn’t refuse; no one said a thing for a minute. Then Secret let my hand go.   “Can I go home?” She asked   “No, you need to stay here, you’re very sick.” I answered.   She didn’t say anything else. Leelah came in and said the doctor wanted to talk to me. I went outside the room with him while she went in and talked to Secret.   “There are burns on her arms but they aren’t too severe. Good thing they didn’t blister up. She has a small fever also; I can get her some antibiotics too.” He explained. “But what we can’t seem to figure out is why she constantly throws up. It’s like every few minutes.” He said in confusion. “Maybe you can help me get her to talk, find out what she’s been eating?”    “Um, ok sure, I’ll help.”   We went back into the room and saw Leelah smiling as she stroked Secret’s hair.   “…Secret, honey can you tell us anything that you’ve eaten over the past few weeks?” the doctor asked. She didn’t answer but she looked down. I went and held her hand.   “That information is confidential.” She stated firmly.   The doctor started to giggle.   “Secret….” I said trying to be serious.   “I ate food and I drank juice.” She said softly.   “What kind of food and juice?” The doctor asked.   “The average kind dipshit.” She said coldly.   “Secret!” Leelah scolded.   “I just ate regular food. They made me eat it everyday.”    “They?” she asked me. “Daniel and the Devil.” She answered for me.   “Devil?” Leelah questioned.   “His girlfriend, Miss Divine.” She said coldly.   “What kind of juice?” Dr. Pollum asked.   “I don’t know, they told me it was vitamin juice. I had to drink it everyday or they would….” she stopped talking.   “Or…they would what?” I asked.   “Nothing, I just had to drink it everyday before and after school.” She said quickly.   “Who burned you?” I asked sternly.   The room fell quiet. I looked her in her eyes.   “No one did. The curling irons fell on me.” She said quietly.   “It fell on you...huh?” I asked.   She just looked at me nervously. “…yea…fell on me.” she said flatly.   “Ok…” I said softly while starring at her.    The doctor asked me to step out of the room. “We're going to have to contact her parent or guardian. They need to be here.” he told me.   “You cant.” I said simply, feeling the heat getting hotter inside of me.   “Why not?” he asked.   “Because he's the one that did it to her. He harmed her!" I heard myself getting a little loud.   “Well Mr. Rodriguez how can you be so sure? We cant just go around pointing the finger.” he explained.   “But Dr. I am certain tha--.”   “Look, we just cant do that. Now if you really believe this then we can have a few security and a social worker on the stand by when he gets here.”   “No...that's not necessary.”  I said.   “Are you sure?” He asked.   “Yes.” I said uncertainly.   “The school has already called home. Were going to try to call this time.” He said walking away from me.   I stood there helpless. I went to Secret's room to let Leelah know I was leaving and I'd be right back. Secret was laying down wither eyes closed.   “Where are you goin?" She asked.   “I have to go do something.” I answered as I grabbed my coat and left.   I got into my car and drove away. I needed to clear my head. Then I knew exactly where I wanted to go. All kinds of thoughts and memories went through my mind. I had mixed emotions. I finally arrived to my destination and walked into the building. I went to the door and knocked. A man answered.   “Are you Daniel Stone?” I asked.   “Yea…" I just looked at him in silence, there was something familiar about him. “Can I help you?”    I could see a woman in the background. Going in and out of different rooms.   “Oh, well I um just have something to drop off to you.” I said.   “What?”   “This.” I said coldly as I punched him hard, clear across his face.   His nose was bleeding and I didn’t care. I kept punching and kicking him, I felt like my father had possessed my body. I all of a sudden became him, my punches and kicks were harder than ever. I lost all control. I had thrown him against the wall several times. He even got a few licks in and when I realized what I was doing, I didn’t mean to do it, but I wasn’t sorry. The guy was coughing up blood, I heard a woman screaming at me and pushing me.   “Leave him alone! Leave him alone!” she kept squealing.   I stopped and just looked at her. Then I grabbed her by her collar and shoved her against the wall.   “What was in the juice?” I asked trying not to loose control because she was a female.   “What are you talk---.” She said. I started to choke the bitch.   “Don’t play dumb, you know exactly what juice I’m talking about.” I said trying hard not to loose my temper.   She didn’t say anything, temper lost. I choked her a little harder, and then she decided to speak. I let her go and she dropped to the floor. She started to cough and she couldn’t breathe. I threw a half empty water bottle at her that was sitting on the table. She quickly picked it up and drank a little from it. While she coughed a little bit I asked her again   “What was in the juice?”   “Lysol…” She coughed. “I used the purple one, I put it in with grape juice. I told her that it was vitamin juice.” She said trying to catch her breath.   I just looked at her. I couldn’t believe what I had heard.   “You hit women! You’re a coward! ” she yelled. I pinned her up against the wall.   “Bitch, don’t you ever say that to me again! You’re not even a person, poisoning little girls?!” I screamed. “You are trash and you don’t deserve to be called human. You’re a little girl yourself!”   I was instantly pissed so I had to try really hard to restrain myself from choking this bitch to death. I couldn’t hold it so I took my anger out on Daniel. He tried to get up and I kicked him right back down. I felt tired and started to walk towards the door. Before I walked out I turned to look at them. The lady that Secret calls Devil, was crying in the corner looking at me.   “Shut the hell up, what are you crying for? You’re not the one in the hospital, yet…” I said sarcastically. Daniel was still on the floor, coughing and trying to get up. The lady crawled over to him. I ran my fingers through my hair and started to count and take deep breaths.   “If…she were my own daughter, you two….would be fucking dead.” I said trying to catch my breath as I turned and limped a little down the hallway. I got into my car and drove off back to the hospital. I was extremely angry. I had to pull over twice to calm down. I know I have my father’s temper, but I had never in my entire life let it get this bad and posses. I surprised myself, my papa was a mad man.   Who knows what kind of things I’m capable of, but all because of this little girl? Why do I care so much about her? Why am I so protective of her? I ask myself these questions everyday since i met her. For some strange reason, she’s always on my mind. Am I pedophile? I asked myself once. Hell no, that’s sick! Then why do I find myself thinking of her? I would respond.   Then out of no where, as I was in a slight traffic jam, I looked up and saw a billboard for some jewelry that said “There’s a girl in your life, and you love her! Get her gift today!” And then I realized: I do love her, I love her a lot. My heart began to soften, and I returned to “Miguel”. I started to go through the memories of Secret and I. How she’d call me a stalker daily. Her laugh, her smile, her beautiful eyes, and her personality. It all made me smile.   Then I knew what I wanted and needed to do, make her mine. I don’t have children, and I would be more than happy to take care of her. But I want to ask her first, to see if she would like the same... I don’t want to force anything on her and make her feel uncomfortable. When I got back to the hospital, I scurried to go into Secret’s room. All of a sudden, her doctor stopped me and said we needed to talk.   “What happened to you?” he asked me. I didn't respond, I was too excited to tell him my news.   “Wait, may I go first? I would like to adopt her, I don’t want to see her in a foster home. And i don't care how long it would take.” I said trying to catch my breath.   “Oh, well um, that may be a problem…” he said pausing. I looked at him with a disappointed and confused face.   “Why?”   “Well, her…mother is here…” he said.   “Mother?” I repeated softly. I thought she didn't have one.   “Yes, she arrived a few minutes after you left. She insists on taking Secret home after we release her.” he said sympathetically. “Well, didn't you know she had one? You are her teacher right?”   “Yes but I never knew her. Secret told me she didn't have one.” I answered.   “Well, would you like to meet her?”   “…Sure.” I said a little disappointed.   We walked quietly to Secret’s room. When we walked in, a woman was sitting on Secret’s bed and stroking her hair as she was sleeping. She was humming a song, it sounded like Hush little baby. My mother used to sing me that when I was small.   “Hush little baby, don’t say a word…mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird…” she softly sang out loud. Secret was asleep, but you could tell she was listening.   “Ms. Reevis…I would like you to meet Mr. Rodriguez, Secret’s teacher.” Dr. Pollum introduced.   She turned with a smile to look at me. But she froze completely and her smile faded. I returned the glare as she looked familiar.   “He was an excellent caregiver to your daughter.” He said. She didn't respond to him.   “…T…Tamar?” I asked softly.   “Miguel?” she asked.   “Oh, you two already know each other.” Dr. Pollum smiled.   “Look at you…y…you look beautiful.” I complimented.   “...Thank you.” She replied with a straight face.   “Oh yes, very.” Dr. Pollum added.   We both looked at him. “…I’ll um…leave you two alone. Oh  and Mr. Rodriguez, Ms. Marie went to get some food.”   “Alright.” I nodded.   “So…you’re a teacher?” she asked smiling. “I am too….well I’m a daycare's assistant.” She said with a smile.   “That’s very nice.” I said softly. “So, this is your daughter?” I asked.   “Yes…” she answered and looked down. It was quiet for a minute. Leelah walked in with some Popeyes. She handed Tamar a Strawberry soda.   “Here you go honey.” She said as she passed her the drink.   “Thank you.” Tamar said. I kept glaring at her before she finally turned her back to me.   “Is she your only one?” I asked her. There was silence.   “Tamar…” I said sternly. She turned slightly but did not look at me.   “Tamar, don’t ignore me.” I warned.   “What?” She said confused.   “You heard me the first time. Is she your only child?” I asked again.   Leelah just looked at us both confused. Secret started to move a little, as a sign of waking up. I gently grabbed Tamar by the arm and pulled her into the hallway and away from the door.   “What are you doing!? Stop it!” she said frantically as she yanked her arm away and backed up a little.   “Is she the only kid you have?” I asked sternly. She just looked at me, like she was scared to speak.   “Is she the only one?!” I yelled. Her eyes became slightly watery.   She moved her mouth a little but no words came out. I started walking towards her slowly and she slowly backed away until she hit a wall and couldn’t move away anymore.   “Why so nervous?” I asked.   I placed one hand on the wall near her head and the other on my hip as I made complete eye contact, she hates it.   “I…I’m not nervous…” she replied.   “Really? So, is she… the only… one?” I asked extremely frustrated.   “Yes! Yes, She is the only one, would you like to know anything else?!” she asked sarcastically.   I looked down and then back at her. “…Is…Is she mine?” I asked quietly.   “Yes…” she answered quietly after a few seconds. I slowly backed away from her, not releasing my eye contact until I turned and sat down on the bench.  So did she but on the other end and we were quiet for a while.   Secret:   I just woke up and I feel like shit. And who is this touching me? Oh… that’s Ms. Marie.   “Hi Secret, how ya feeling?” She asked.   “Good.” I answered.   It was quiet for a minute. I had a dream with someone singing to me. But the person didn't have a face. But I felt comfortable and I loved her voice. I never have normal dreams.   “Can I call you Leelah?” I asked. She giggled and asked why. “It’s pretty, your whole name is cute. Leelah Marie, I like it.” I smiled.   “Oh thank you…and sure, you can call me Leelah, only outside of school though.” She said. “I like your name too...how'd you ever get a name like that?” she asked.   “I don’t know, Daniel said its because I got a lot of secrets behind me. I think he was just kidding though.”   I answered. Her smile kinda faded but then she forced it back. “Can I get you anything?” she asked.   “Yea, can you find my doctor please? I need to ask him some thing.”   “Oh, um sure…” she said as she stood up. “I’ll be back.”    After a few minutes a nurse came in and pulled the little curtain divider back and revealed a boy on the other side. He looked a few years older than me, and I didn’t even know he was here. After the nurse got him situated and left he looked over at me.   “Hey…” he said.   “Sup.” I responded.   “What you in for?” he asked.   “I have no idea, I was at school, and woke up here.” I answered.   “How about you?” I asked.   “Dad burned me with his cigarette, and then my mom pushed me down the stairs….all because I didn’t take out the trash right away.” He answered with a scoff.   “Oh….well that sucks…”    “Not really, we only have like 6 steps.”   “Apparently enough to knock you out and send you to the hospital…” I said giggling.   He laughed a little bit.   “How old are you?” he asked.   “I’m 9. I’ll be 10 on April 1st.” I explained.   “Hey, my birthday’s April 2nd. I’ll be 12.” He said with a smile.   “I’m Secret, Secret Stone.”    “I’m Elliot, Elliot Jones.” He smiled back.   “Nice to meet you Ms. Stone.”   “Nice to meet you too Mr. Jones.” I smiled back.   I liked him. He was different, not like the other kids. He kind of reminded me of Carlos.    “I’m not stayin here though…hospitals creep me out…and they smell like old people.” Eliot announced.   “I agree. I was thinking about breaking out of here. I don’t like hospitals.” I said flatly.   “Yea I mean, why keep us here, we feel alright, so why not let us go home?” he asked.   “I know right. I’m gonna ask my doctor if I can leave. And if he says no, then I’m leaving anyway.” I said.   “Then I’m coming with you. They took my parents away…I don’t give a damn what they say, I’m not goin to no foster home.” He said stubbornly as he folded his arms.   “I can live on my own. I got a job too, I work under the table at a grocery store.” He said. I just looked at him.   “….You work under tables?” I asked.   He laughed a little bit. “Noo, that means I’m working there secretly. Because I’m too young to work, you have to be 16 to get a job.” He explained while giggling.   “Oh, makes sense…I think.” I said.   “Yea…they sending you to a foster home?” he asked.   “Um...I don’t know. But I can live on my own too. I’ve done it before.” I answered trying to impress him.    “Oh…cool."   It was quiet before a woman walked in.   “Hello you two.” She greeted.   We both looked at each other and then back to her. “Hi…” we both said dryly.   “Elliot, I’m Mrs. Carmichael, your social worker.” She explained. “I’ll be finding you a good home.”   “I’m not going to a foster home. I want to go to my home.” He shot back.   “Oh honey, you have no choice. You’re just a little boy and you need someone to take care of you.” she said while smiling and fixing up the room.   “I can take care of myself!” he said sternly.   She pinched him on the cheek and shook it. “Oh I bet you can sweetie.” She giggled as she strolled out of the room. “Be back later darlings.”   “You see that shit? Screw her, I aint goin to no foster home!” He exclaimed.   “I see. Don’t look like you’ve got much of a choice though.” I said.   “Yea…I guess...I'll cooperate for now, then I'll break free soon.” he replied.   Tamar:   My heart is beating so fast. I don’t know what to say to him. I want to comfort him but I know that he’s angry and won’t let me. I don’t know what to do.   “Why’d you take her from me?” he asked without looking at me.   “…I don’t know…Miguel…” I replied quietly.   He looked at me before looking straight ahead. “You do know…”   “…Miguel…I don’t want to talk about th---.” I started to say.   He jumped up and yelled “You don't wan't to talk about what? This isn't just about you! Why did you take her from me?! You knew that I loved her!”   People looked over at us. Tears filled my eyes as I just looked at him.   He grabbed both of my arms, pulled me close. “Why?”   “I didn’t try to take her…” I choked out.   “What the hell does that mean?” he asked still holding onto my arms, gradually squeezing them harder.   “I didn’t want to…” I said trying not to cry. He just looked at me, right into my eyes. “…Miguel, you’re hurting me.” I whimpered.   He continued to look at me for a minute then he let go. “Why did you take her then?” he asked sternly.   “…Daniel made me…” I answered avoiding his eyes. And…h…he was the one who burned your house down.”   “And you let him…” he said. It sounded more like a statement than a question.   “He said...if I took her, he would give me drugs. I asked what he wanted her for. He told me it was just a dare and if I did it, I could have the drugs.” He didn’t say a word, he just glared at me. “I…I brought her back a few days later, and I saw your house burned down to the ground. Right then I knew Daniel had done it.” I explained. Not a word. “Miguel, you know that I wouldn’t just get up and take Secret from you, I wanted what was best for her and I knew you loved her.” I said.   “You wanted what was best?” he scoffed.   “Yes, that’s why I brought her back! I was on drugs but my mind wasn't completely lost.... I asked people that lived around there have they seen you and they said you were gone, you just…left.” I explained. He just looked at me.   “Well, what the hell was I supposed to do Tamar? Everything I worked for, gone, destroyed, and ruined….was I supposed to stick around and be depressed?” he asked sarcastically. I just looked down.   “You are so irresponsible…” he scoffed.   “Irresponsible?” I asked.   “Yes, first you let a man bribe you into stealing your own daughter…that’s kidnapping Tamar.” He said.   “Second, you just get up and leave her with a man who can’t be trusted and you don’t tell either of them where you’re going, thir---.”   “I can trust him!” I interrupted. He just gave me a confusing look.   “Oh, you can trust him?” he said with a hard stare.   “Yes.” I answered.   “How Tamar? I’m just dying to hear this one.” He said smiling sarcastically.   “Daniel loves her.” I said. He gave me a blank expression.   “He loves her?” he said with a disgusted face.    “Yes, he does.” I said. He started laughing sarcastically, as he ran his fingers through his hair and talked to himself in Spanish.   “Tamar...I should just slap you right now. But I won't because there are too many people here and I don't feel like being locked up tonight.” I just looked at him.   “So you want to slap me?” I asked.   “I'm really trying not to." He started pacing back and fourth.   He started speaking Spanish and then quickly turned around to face me and grabbed me by my arms again.   “He loves her?!” he asked.   “Yes.” I answered.   “Are we talking about the same kid? If he loves her so damn much, what the fuck is she doing here, is this his way of showing love?!?” he asked. I didn’t understand his question. He started shaking me.   “Do you know that your fucking kid is in here because of him, huh do you know that?” he yelled.   “What are you talking---.” I started to ask.   “He’s been abusing her! That’s love? Is that fucking love Tamar?!?” he yelled.   “If you think it is, you have one fucked up mind!” I just looked at him.   “Oh, you still don’t understand?” he asked with a smile. “He is abusing Secret! You know, your daughter…my kid, he’s poisoning our fucking child! She wears sweaters every single day since you’ve been gone! She doesn’t even have a name, people call her sweaters, that’s her goddamn name to other people!” he screamed.   People had stopped what they were doing and watched us.   “What the hell are you all looking at, mind your business.” He told them.   I went and sat down on the bench. I had no idea that was why she was here, I didn't really think aboutit honestly. Daniel told me she was sick. And I started to cry. I felt betrayed and lost. How could I have been so stupid? I can’t believe this at all. Miguel went to cool himself down in a corner. After a few long minutes, he came and sat next to me.   “Look Tamar, I…I’m sorry I yelled at you but I just needed to tell you the tr---.” He said softly.   “…I trusted him.” I interrupted quietly as I looked straight ahead in a daze.   “…Why?” he asked softly. I just shook my head gently. “…Why did you leave?” he asked curiously. I just looked at him and then down.   “I left to get clean.” I answered simply.   “So you just left her, and you didn’t say anything to anyone?” he asked accusingly.   “I’m not stupid ok! I left her there for a reason!” I yelled. He just glared at me.   “And what reason is that Tamar?” he asked.   “He was the only one I trusted with her!” I shouted.   “Why?!” he yelled back.   “Because, he fucking loved her!” I screamed frustrated with tears down my face. He looked at me shaking his head slowly. “You should have seen him with her! They played all the time, they laughed, he bought her stuff and they spent time together! He’d take her to the park, buy her ice-cream and everything!” I screamed as I wiped my tears. “And even though he drank, he wouldn't drink in front of her, he always went into a different room.” I said softly. Miguel just looked at me.   “I…I was the one who was a total mess…” I said as my words drifted. He looked at me in confusion. I squeezed my hair as I started to cry. “Miguel…” I whimpered as tears ran down my face.   “…what?” he answered aggressively.   “I…I almost…sold Secret when she was 4. It was a few weeks before her birthday, and if Daniel hadn’t stopped me I… we…wouldn’t have her at all.” I said as I broke down and cried. Miguel looked at me and wiped a tear that was sliding down his cheek. “How does someone else take care of your child better than you do? I didn’t even trust myself with her…so I left her.” I said trying to calm myself down. “I wanted what was best for my baby…I wanted to get clean and fix everything, like Daniel did. Daniel was going to rehab and he had got himself a steady job…he was making good money. He bought food and clothes for us both. He even started to be more sober than usual. He even tried going a whole year being sober.” I said drying my tears.   “I wanted to do that, be like him…so after they went to bed I packed my things. I took my locket with her baby picture and put it around her neck when she was asleep. I prayed that she wouldn’t forget me…and then I left. I moved to Tennessee with a friend. She was a nurse and she helped me get clean. I went to rehab everyday so I could get my life together…to get Secret back. And ever since then I’ve never ever touched another drug. I was in night school, and some classes . And now I’m a pre-school teacher, well the assistant.” I explained. Miguel gave me a comforting look. “Miguel, I promise you, I never knew what he was doing to her I swear. If I knew I wouldn’t have left her with him. He was my only choice; we had no other family I could give her to…” I said whimpering.   “…It’s ok Tamar…I know you didn’t know.” He said softly as he sat next to me. “I’m Sorry I yelled at you.”   I wiped my face and turned slightly to face him. “He…he poisoned her?” I asked. I had just noticed he had said that earlier. I didn’t want to believe it.   “…the girl he’s with…Divine or something…she did it…but Daniel let her.” He said disappointed.   “Shelia…” I said looking ahead.   “She put Lysol in it, told Secret it was vitamin juice.” He explained. I got up and started to walk towards the hospital doors.   “Tamar, where are you going?” he asked as he ran after me and grabbed my hand.   “I um, have to see some people.” I said quickly as I tried to walk out the doors again. He ran after me again and grabbed my hand again. “To who at this hour?” he asked. I just looked at him as my eyes became watery and a desperate tear slithered down my cheek.   “Oh...you don’t have to do that.” he said almost giggling as he pulled me close and hugged me tightly. “I already took care of it.” He said satisfied.   I pulled away just a little to look at him. That explains the slight scratch on his cheek and a small bruise on his arm. His eyes sparkled as a warm smile came across his face. I had forgotten how handsome he was. His beautiful eyes, his long black hair…everything. His hugs were the same, so full of love and comfort. I felt…safe with him. We continued to look into each others eyes. And for the first time, I didn’t feel scared to make eye contact with him. He was one of the main people I was afraid to do it with. It’s like when he looks into your eyes, he knows all of your secrets. His smile slowly faded away and he looked at me. We glared at each other and then slowly he leaned in and tried to kiss me.   I turned my head so he would miss. He looked at me disappointed. “Miguel…I just want you to know, that I never cheated on you.” I said softly. He looked at me and a touch of doubt went across his face. “Honest…Daniel and I were never a couple.”   “If you were never a couple, then how come you were always with him…?” he asked coldly. I didn’t respond.  “I remember now. I drove you away didn’t I?” he asked guiltily.   “No, Miguel you didn’t---.” I started saying.   “I did didn’t I? I drove you away from me, after you had the baby. We were struggling and we needed help…and I just…” he said hysterically.   “No, no Miguel I was just tired. I just had a baby and the only money we had coming in was from Daniel.” I explained. He just looked at me. “Daniel was my best friend and we had been friends since 7th grade. After I had Secret, I started to get depressed. Daniel constantly suggested that I…I try weed and finally I tried it and…it helped."   "I noticed you needed my help with the baby, so I stopped going over his house for it. But, I didn’t feel well afterwards so I went to get more from him but instead he had other stuff…and I took them. After a while I didn’t like the way I felt, or even looked, and my self esteem shot very low. So I took even more…until I became addicted and drove myself crazy. And I took Secret from you…I took everything from you…” I said as tears streamed down my face. Miguel hugged me and stroked my hair. I lifted up my head to look at him. “I…I am so sorry, Miguel.” I said trying not to cry again. He gently placed his hands on my cheeks. “It’s alright…” he said softly. And then he leaned forward to kiss me. I didn’t refuse this time.   His kiss was so warm and soft. I hadn’t had a kiss like this in so long. This coming from the guy who was just yelling at me? He just sparked up old feelings that I thought would never come back. The kiss was long and beautiful. I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were full of lust. “I’m proud of you Tamar…” he whispered softly into my ear. He sounded so damn sexy. Temptation finally got the best of me and I kissed him back. It felt…so wonderful that I had forgotten where we even were or what we were arguing about.   Haha you don’t even know how bad I wanted to be alone with him. I just couldn’t believe after all these years, that I had found him. I pulled away to look at him. His face had sexual intentions all over it as he checked me out. I bit my bottom lip and started to lean forward for another kiss and then I stopped as I seen Leelah a few feet away. She just stood there and watched us with a disturbed facial expression. The look concerned me because I thought maybe something was wrong with Secret.   Miguel:   She is so goddamn beautiful! We’re in a public place and I needed to control my actions around her, but you don’t how hard that was. I was looking at her, and it was starting to stir up old feelings. But she was looking at something else.   “What?” I asked her.   She let me go and backed away a bit. “Is something wrong with Secret?” She asked.   But I don’t think she was asking me. I looked at her confused.   “What, Tamar what are you talking about?” I asked.   “Leelah, what’s wrong with her?” she asked.   “Leelah?” I repeated as I turned around to see her just a few feet away with watery eyes.   She just looked at me and Tamar and then she turned around and walked out of the hospital.   “Shit…” I said to myself.   “Leelah, wait please!” I yelled after her. “   Wait Miguel, what’s wrong?” Tamar asked while grabbing my hand.   I just looked at her and then towards the doors where Leelah walked out.   “Tamar, I’ll be back, ok? Just go and um check on Secret ok, go ahead.” I said as I started walking out of the hospital looking for Leelah.   “Leelah, Leelah please wait!” I said chasing behind her. I finally caught up to her and grabbed her by her arm.   “Leelah what’s wrong?” I asked.   “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!? You want to know what’s wrong?” she yelled. “What the hell was that Miguel? Tell me, what was it!?” she screamed.   “Leelah, what was what?” She didn’t say a word. “Leelah…” I said trying to figure her out.   “Her! Why were you kissing her?” she said as silent tears ran down her face.   “I…I just---.” I started to say.   “How do you even know each other?” she asked. I didn't respond. “Tell me!” she screamed desperately as she pushed me. I stumbled back a bit.   “…She’s my ex…” I said softly.   “Your ex?” she sighed.   “Yes.” I said softly. It was quiet for a minute. “....and Secret is my daughter…” Silence.   “What did you say?” she asked finally with piercing eyes.   “She’s mine...Secret is my baby. I just found out.” I repeated.   “…Oh my god…” she said as she put her hands over her face and paced back and fourth. “Well, how do you know?” she asked. “She could be lyi---.”   “Tamar was a virgin, and Secret is her only child…..I know she’s mine.” I explained.   “Well…I’m very happy for you, but that doesn’t explain why you kissed her…” she said.   I just looked at her and then ahead. “There is no explanation. It just happened.” I answered. “Why do you care?” I asked out of curiosity.   “I don’t.” She said stubbornly.   “You don’t? Hmm, seems like you did a few minutes ago…” I said almost giggling. She folded her arms and walked away a little bit.   “…Leelah, you like me, don’t you?”   “No…maybe….I don’t know.” She answered.   “Well then, think about it and let me know soon.” I said with a smile as I looked at her.   She smiled back and turned away from me to look ahead. “When are you going to tell her…that you’re her father?” she asked.   Damn, I didn’t even think about that. “I’m not sure…” I answered. It was quiet for a moment. I sat on one of the benches outside the hospital and she continued to stand.   “You really love Secret, don’t you…before you found out?” she asked.   “…Yes…she was all I thought about.” I answered. Leelah finally came and sat down next to me. “If she would have died, I would probably lose my mind.” I admitted.   “What are you guys going to do about Secret?” she asked.   “What do you mean?” I asked.   “Well, who’s going to have custody?” she asked. Damn, I haven’t thought about that either.   “I don’t know, I’ll discuss it with Tamar later on tonight.” I answered.   “She lives out here?” she asked.   “I have no idea.” I admitted.   “We’ll try to work it out. You don’t have to be a part of this, if you don’t want to.” I told her. She held my hand.   “I want to.”   “I just want this all to be over soon.” I sighed.   Secret:   I don’t feel too good.  A woman just walked in.   “I brought you some water, baby.” She announced. She sat in the chair next to me and handed the water to me. “How are you feeling?” she asked.   “I’m ok.” I said.   We sat in silence for a minute. She smiled at me, something about her was familiar. Elliot kept grinning at me.   “Hi, I'm Elliot.” He smiled at her.   “Hi Elliot, I'm Tamar.”   Tamar? I just kept looking at her. Her face, her eyes, her body. Examining each feature like someone at an art gallery. I kept replaying her voice in my head. It sounded so much like the woman's voice in my dream. Was she the woman from my dream? Am I still dreaming? Man... I'm trippin. I just kept starring at her.   She looked at me and smiled and reached for my hand and held it. At that moment, I knew exactly who she was. I didn't know what or how to feel. I didn't react. Does she know me? Does she know I know its her? Mixed emotions started to creep in one bye one. First relief, then pain and sadness, then finally anger. An anger I couldn't keep in, it was eating me up and I couldn't hold on to it anymore. So much that I felt myself grow very hot and uncomfortable. Mr. Rodriguez and Leelah had just walked in.   “Hi Secret, how are you feeling?” he asked while stroking my hair.   “Peachy.” I said sarcastically not once taking my eyes off of my mom.   “Hi, Ms. Marie, are you ok?” Tamar asked.   “I’m fine.” She answered with a forced smile as she walked over to get her coat.   “Are you sure, I saw you---.” Tamar said.   “I’m just fine. Goodnight Secret.” She interrupted and slammed the door on her way out.   What’s up her ass? I thought to myself. Tamar looked at Mr. Rodriguez and he looked away.   “Why’d you come back?” I asked her.   “Well...I came back for you, baby.” I said nothing. “Mommy just wasn’t herself when she was around so she ha---.”   “I’m not little…I can understand you…” I corrected. “Ok...I’m sorry but I just had to leave.”   “You didn’t have to leave, you wanted to.” I said.   It was quiet and Mr. Rodriguez looked at me.   “…Yes but, I had a very good reason to leave.”   “It don’t matter, you left and didn’t tell anybody…you should have stayed where you were.” I said coldly, feeling the flames inside of me grow bigger and hotter.   “Secret…” Mr. Rodriguez said sternly while giving me the “Watch it.” Look.   “Secret, my ass! You left me! You don’t care about me!” I yelled.   “Baby I do care about you that's why I lef---.” She tried to explain.   “Bullshit!! What's in it for you? Huh? Did Daniel promise to give you more drugs if you took me away?.” I asked as I felt my eyes become a little watery but I fought them back immediately. “You just don’t come waltzing back in my fucking life thinking everything’s alright because it’s not!” I screamed.   She was quiet for a second and looked at me with a shocked expression. “Now wait a minute, you watch your damn tone with me!” she yelled. That kind of caught my attention, so I sat back in my bed.   Mr. Rodriguez just placed one of his hands on her arm.   “Now, you watch yourself missy, I am still your mother and you will respect me, do you understand?” she asked . I could tell she was pissed. I just looked at her and folded my arms.   “Secret, answer your mother.” Mr. Rodriguez warned while starring me down.   She got close and leaned her face closer to mines. “I asked you a question…do you understand?” she repeated.   “No, I do not…because you are not my mother…” I said coldly. Mr. Rodriguez looked at me in shock.   Tamar backed away a bit without taking her glare off of me. “…I don’t even remember what my mom looks like…you could be anybody.” I said firmly. “My mommy was pretty like you…not as pretty though. She shook and rocked herself a lot. She cried a lot too, she was always sad…” I said looking off into space.   It was quiet in the room. I looked at Tamar. She looked heartbroken and her eyes looked like they were going to become watery. The nurse came in and announced that visiting hours were over. We kept each others stares.   “You are not my mom...and visiting hours are over.” I said flatly wiping a fallen tear from my face. A single tear drooled down her face.   She went and got her coat and her suitcase off the chair, looked at me and walked out of the room.   “Tamar…” Mr. Rodriguez said as he tried to stop her but she closed the door on him. He turned around to face me. His face said he was very shocked.   “I am very disappointed in you.” he said sternly. “That was very uncalled for…that’s your own mother!”   “She’s not my mother!” I yelled.   “How can you say th---?” he tried saying.   “What do you care for? You’re not my dad! Get out!” I interrupted. He just looked at me. “Get out! Get the fuck out! Get out, get out! Visiting hours are over!” I screamed. I threw the TV remote at him and it hit him in the chest. I started to get hostile and the pulse machine thing got faster.   I got louder and angrier.   “Secret!” Mr. Rodriguez yelled trying to catch my attention. “Secret, calm down!” he yelled. I started going nuts. I got to my knees on my bed and was finding things to throw. “Secret calm down!” he kept yelling. Soon, a bunch of nurses came in and tried to hold me down. They finally did and one nurse gave me a shot in my arm.   “You bitch, that fucking hurts!” I screamed.   “Oh, you’ll be fine Honey.” She replied. I started to scream with tears streaming down my face. I finally calmed down a bit and just cried for a minute. One nurse tried to escort Mr. Rodriguez out of the room.   "What's wrong with her?" he asked concerned.    She didn't answer him. She handed him his coat and tried pushing him out of the room. She finally got him into the hallway.   “What’s happening?” he asked alarmed.   “It's a reaction from the medicine we gave her earlier. She's just a bit delirious. Making her act wild that's all.   “What did they just inject her with?” he asked curiously.   “It’ll calm her down, have a nice evening.” She said with a smile as she shut the door in his face.   Miguel:   “…Ok, then.” I said to myself as I walked away.   I walked out of the hospital and saw Tamar sitting on one of the benches crying. I put my coat on and sat next to her. She dried her face but didn’t speak.   “You ok?” I asked her.   “I’m fine.” She sighed.   “Everything will be fine Tamar, sooner or later.” I reassured.   “I feel so bad.”   “Don’t.” I said softly.   “No, she’s right…I’m a terrible mother…I don’t deserve her back.” She said whimpering.   “Don’t say that, you’re a good mother. Or least your'e trying to be." I said outloud. She looked up at me. "Secret just doesn’t understand yet, she's just a baby…she will soon.” I said trying to release the awkward moment.   “Yea, I guess.” She said drying a tear that crept out of her eyes.   “How are we going to tell her?” I asked.   "Tell her what?"   "Well, that I'm her father."    “I have no idea….maybe she’s better off not knowing.” She answered.   I looked at her. “I want her to know.” I said firmly.   She looked at me and looked away. “Tamar I’m serious….I want her to know.” I said.   “I know you are. I know you very well.” She said softly. It was quiet for a minute.   “Where do you live?” I asked. “Indiana.” She answered. “Damn.” I said shocked.   “My plan was to take Secret and leave. I didn’t expect all of this at all.” She explained. “Luckily I brought clothes. I had a feeling I was going to have to stay.”   “Where are you staying?” I asked.   “Well I was gonna stay at Daniel's house if I had to. But given our current situation, I don’t know. I can find myself a hotel or something, I’ll be fine.” She smiled. She got up and looked down at me. A cab had just pulled up in front of us.   “I’d better get going and find one before it gets too late, goodnight Miguel.” She smiled as she picked up her suitcase and purse. I watched her walk towards it before stopping her.    “Tamar…” I called after her. She turned around to look at me.   “Yes?” I opened my mouth to say something and nothing came out.   “What?” she asked softly. There was dead silence. “Haha, Miguel I have to go.” She giggled as she walked away.   “Wait, Tamar please…” I said finally. She stopped and turned around.   “What is it?” she asked with a smile. Nothing came out.   “Miguel, stop playin.” She giggled. I stood up and walked towards her.   “…Stay with me.” I said softly. She just looked at me in confusion.   “Excuse me, what?” she asked.   “Stay with me Tamar…” I repeated.   “Oh…um no I couldn’t possib---.”   “I insist.” I interrupted. She just looked at me in disbelief.   “Miguel, that’s very sweet of you but I can’---.”   “Please…” I cut her off as I reached for her hand. “Stay with me.”   She looked at me for a few seconds in silence. “Oh.... Miguel, that’s very sweet of you but I just can’t.”   “Why not?” I asked.   “I just can’--.”   “Tamar, please…stay.” I interrupted while smiling. "You don't have to stay in a sleezy motel."    She looked at me unsure of herself and then smiled. “Fine, but  just for tonight.”   “Two nights.” I smiled.   “One.” She said trying not to giggle.   “Three nights.” I suggested.   “No, just one.” She said smiling.   “Four nights.” I said giggling as I walked away from her and  signaled to the cab driver that we wouldn't be needing his services anymore.   “Fine, two nights.” She said laughing as she grabbed my arm to stop me.   I looked at her with admiration. The mother of my child... my daughter. I don't know why exactly, after everything she's put me through, I still have a soft spot for her.     “…Until Secret gets out of the hospital.” I said firmly.   “Ok…until Secret gets out.” She finally said with a smile.   I smiled back at her and told her to follow me to my car. I helped her put her suitcase in the trunk. When we arrived at my house I helped her get her suitcase out of the car and went to unlock and open the front door. I went inside but Tamar continued to stand outside. She just stood there looking at my house.   “Um…are you…coming in?” I asked laughing a bit.    “Oh, I um was just…just trying to recognize your house.” She said.    “Oh…well um come in any time…I guess.” I said laughing.   She smiled sheepishly and quickly followed me in. I dropped the bags down and I took both of our coats and hung them up.   “You want something to drink?” I offered.   “No, thank you.” she smiled.   “Alright, well I’ll show you upstairs to your room.” I said with a smile. I grabbed her suitcase for her and she had her purse. We trotted upstairs until we reached the guestroom. I set the suitcase down on the floor.   “It’s lovely Miguel…thank you.” she smiled as she set her purse down on the stool.    “You’re welcome…y…you want me to show you the rest of the house?” I asked courteously.   “Sure.” She said.   “Well next door is the bathroom…obviously.” I said opening it. She giggled. “Around this corner here is another bedroom. But I paint in there. And over here is my room.” I said pointing to the first room you can see when you reach the top of the stairs.   Tamar walked over to it. She stopped in the doorway and rested her head on the door frame. “It’s…big.” She laughed. I walked and stood next to her with my arms folded.   “Silk…you have taste.” She said referring to my bed set.   “Thanks, it's very soft…it relaxes me.” I said slightly smiling and looking at it.    “I bet it does…you still have that temper of yours.” She said looking at me. I just looked down. It was quiet for about a minute.   “The window is beautiful…the view must be…amazing.” She said as she walked towards the circular window on the left side of my bed.   “Si…I love to watch the sun come up over the trees…it’s beautiful.” I said as I walked over with my hands behind my back.   “Should have known…coming from an artist.” She smiled. “You still do it?” she asked still looking out of the window.   “Yea…I have a studio. I’m there all the time.” I said.   “Can I see your studio one day?” she asked.    “Sure…you and Secret sound the same when ask that question.” I smiled as I looked down.   “She’s seen it already?”   “Yea…she came to see me almost every day.” I smiled.   “I’m not surprised. Secret loves art…she always has, ever since she was little.” She said looking out of the window. “She was constantly making and drawing things. She drew things for me all the time. I still have one that she made me when she was about four or five…it’s my favorite.”   “…May I see it?” I asked curiously.   “Sure…” she smiled. “It’s in my bag, I’ll go get it.” She walked past me to go into the hall. I followed but stopped in my doorway.   “…Tamar…” I called after her. She stopped and turned around. “Are you…wearing perfume?” I asked.   “Yes…are you allergic?” she asked alarmed as she walked away.    “No, it just smells familiar. I think someone I knew used to wear it.” I explained.   “Oh, it’s made from like rose water and something else. Almond oil I think. I like how it smells. I don’t know what it’s called, bottle doesn’t have a name on it and it was given to me without the box.” She said as she came back with a piece of notebook paper in her hand.   She handed it to me and as I unfolded the paper, it revealed a flower in the middle of it. It had five pink petals with a capital purple letter in each one. It spelled out “TAMAR”. The stem was blue with yellow leaves. There were green clouds floating above and they rained letters over it that spelled out “I love you.” The rest of it had red and orange hearts all over the background, with her name signed at the bottom.   “She has a wonderful imagination.” I said smiling as I examined it more.    “Yea…two years ago, someone at the rehab center put something in the microwave that didn’t belong…and it exploded and caught fire. I was in the kitchen looking at this picture. I wasn’t in the room at the time and I left it on the table. I came back, and the kitchen was in flames. They evacuated the building but I ran back inside to get the picture. Fortunately, I got to it before the flames did. My therapist was kind of mad at me for that.” She giggled. “But it meant a lot to me…it lets me know she loved me…at least once, at some point.” She said sadly as she walked back towards the window and glared out of it.    “You know, I honestly think Secret really believes you’re not her mother…” I said trying not to sound cruel.   She snapped her head up and her eyes darted at me. She looked like she wanted to hurt me.   “…I mean…you don’t look or act like the mother she knows. She’s even said herself…she doesn’t remember what you even look like…maybe with this picture, you could jog her memory…let her know it’s really you and that you love her.” I said with a weak smile. I was trying to be serious without seeming like an asshole.   “…Miguel, I don’t think that will wor--.” She started to say.   “Trust me…it will work.” I said with a smile as I handed the drawing back to her. She smiled at me and went to put the picture back in her bag. We both stood in the hallway. “You want me to show you around some more?” I asked.   “No, thanks. I think I’ll just take a shower and maybe go to bed. It’s late.” She said smiling.   “Well, alright…I’ll do the same.” I said with a smile.   “Oh, you can go ahead first, since it’s your house.” She offered.   “No, its ok…I have a bathroom in my room.” I answered laughing.   “Really, another one, where?” she asked.    “The door that looks like a closet by my TV. I have three, there’s one downstairs next to the living room.” I said.   "Alright then.” She said as she backed up a bit. “Yea…um…oh, the towels are in the closet here.” I said pointing to the small closet in the bathroom.   “Oh, thanks.” She said.   There was a small awkward silence. “Well, goodnight.” She said nervously with a smile.   “Goodnight.” I said as kissed her on the cheek. I froze as I realized what I did. We both just looked at each other. “…I…I’m sorry…” I said as I backed away a bit.   “No, it’s…ok.” She said. She backed away into her room.   “Goodnight Miguel.” She said as she got behind the door and slowly closed it.   Tamar:   Wow that was awkward…but I liked it. I should have refused to come over. It’s just weird you know? First, we were yelling at each other…then, we were kissing each other and now, we’re living with each other. Love-hate. I turned the shower on, and got my body wash out of my bag. I heard Miguel turn his shower on and we both walked into the hall at the same time.   “I…was um...just… going downstairs…” he said as he nervously ran down the stairs.   I went back into the room to get my purple satin robe, and then I went and took my shower. The water felt amazing. It was warm and smooth against my skin. The steam made the air feel so fresh. When I got out, I dried off and put my green lace bra and panties on. Then I slipped my purple silk robe on, got my clothes and body wash and went back to the room. As I closed the door, I heard Miguel open his and go downstairs.   Miguel:   I need a drink. I’ve had a long day…a very long day. I deserve it. I had just gotten out of the shower and instead of changing clothes, I just wrapped a towel around my waist and headed toward the kitchen to treat myself to a glass of wine. That’s how bad I wanted it. I honestly deserve it, in my opinion. I got a wine glass out of the cabinet and popped open a bottle of red wine. I poured in the normal amount…then a little more…just a bit more…fuck it, I’m filling the glass up.   The flavor of it was indescribable… made directly from my father’s vineyard. It was smooth and rich down my throat. I had just remembered that I left my lotion in the mirror in the hall way bathroom. I drank a little more and then trotted upstairs to get it. I flicked on the light, grabbed the lotion out of the mirror and rubbed it in on my arms. After that, I put some on my legs and when I bent over I noticed a pair of turquoise panties on the floor by the vent. Chapter Four: Lost Feelings Tamar:   I put some lotion on and spayed a tiny bit of perfume. I gathered my clothes that I had just taken off and made sure I had everything. Damn…where’s my panties? I scuffled around looking for them and didn’t find them. I must have left them in the bathroom. I loosely tied up my robe and walked out of the room. When I went into the bathroom, I stopped in the doorway…just in time to see Miguel…examining them. What the hell? He turned around and had a surprised look on his face.   “This is…not…what it looks like.” He said as he put both hands into the air. The panties were in his right hand…which he quickly hid behind his back as he looked down.   “Um…those are mine...” I said pointing to them. He pulled them from behind his back and looked at them nervously.   “I know…they smell really nice.” He said as he handed them over. “…They’re dirty…” I said just looking at him.   “…I knew that….” he said starring at them.   He kept starring. I hid them in my hands. Then his eyes fixed on something else and he froze. He looked surprised.   “Miguel…?” I called. “Miguel….um…” I said looking down and then up at him. “Guelly.” I said trying to get his attention. There’s a name I haven’t used in a while. I finally got his attention, and he looked at me.   “Um…y…your towel…it's slipping.” I said looking away. Too late, the towel dropped and I had already turned back around. “Jesus…” I said as I just starred at it. “Oh, shit!” he said as he quickly picked up and wrapped the towel back around him. It fell again.   “Don’t look!” he scolded.   “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to!” I said as I quickly turned around.   “You kept looking!” he said embarrassed.    “I thought you fixed it already!” I said as I covered my eyes and walked out of the bathroom into the hall.   “Ok…now I fixed it.” he said. I turned around to see him finally dressed but he stared at me. “What?” I asked curiously.   He pointed slightly at me. My robe was open, revealing just my underwear.   “Oh, damn.” I said as I quickly squeezed it closed and tied it tightly.   We just looked at each other. Why did I spend the night? I must admit though…he looked pretty damn sexy.   “Goodnight…again…” he said as he slowly walked backwards into his room with a smile.   “Goodnight.” I said softly as I walked back to my room.   That was very awkward…but I liked it. It’s about 2:30 A.M. now and I still can’t sleep. I wonder if Miguel is still up. I got out of bed and tip toed into the hallway. I walked past his bedroom and he wasn’t in there. I went down stairs into the kitchen for a glass of water. I hand washed the glass and dried it instead of putting it in the dishwasher. I quietly walked up the stairs and saw some light creep out from an extra room.   I tiptoed over and peeked inside. Miguel was standing in front of a canvas board, painting. The radio was playing soft Spanish music. The CD playing was by Prince Royce. I could tell because Miguel used to sing his songs to me when we started dating, especially the song “Addicted”.   “Tu y yo.” Was playing at the moment and I could hear Miguel singing along. He has a good voice…I love his accent…especially when he speaks Spanish.   “Did I wake you? I could turn the radio down…” he said softly without even looking my way.   “No…y…you didn’t wake me…how’d you know I was standing he---.” I tried finishing.   “I heard you come out of you room. Besides, I know you…you never slept well.” He replied without taking his eyes off the painting.   “May I come in?” I asked softly. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to, he looked like he was in the zone.   “…Si…” he answered quietly.   “Are you alright?” I asked. He froze and sat down in front of his painting. He examined it and then got up to wash excess paint off his hands. The canvas had a painting of a baby girl on it. She was lying down in a crib asleep and was covered with a pink fleece blanket. The baby was Secret. It looked so real, she looked like she would wake up and start crying any minute. I wanted to pick her up and hold her so bad. I feel terrible that I missed all her baby years…I’ve never even rocked her to sleep.   Not when she needed anything…not when she was hurt….not even when she just needed to be loved. I wasn’t there.   “It’s beautiful.” I complimented as he walked back into the room.   “She’s beautiful.” He said softly as he wiped the paint off his hands on a towel.   It was quiet for a moment. I didn’t know what else to say. Miguel put the towel on the table next to him, leaned against it while folding his arms and looked at me. I didn’t return the glare. I continued to stare at the painting. I wanted to cry…but I know it’s too late for tears.   “You’ve really changed…” he said checking me out.   I finally looked at him and back to the painting.   “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked curiously.   “Well, look at you…it’s like you’ve killed her and then brought her back…” he said sarcastically.   “…Killed who?” I asked stubbornly already knowing which route this conversation was going.   “…The Tamar I used to know…the one I fell in love with.” he said softly looking at me.   I caught his stare and quickly avoided it. “Tamar…” he said sternly.   “Your work is fantastic.” I complimented.   “…Thank you…Tamar we need to tal---.” He tried to say.   “I see why she loves art…she gets it from you.” I interrupted.   “Why me?” he asked letting me get off topic.   “Well, I can’t draw or paint.” I said shamefully.   “Who says you can’t?” he asked.   “I say, I mean…I do.” I said looking at him and then down. I walked around looking at his paintings and pictures.   “You can draw.” He stated.   “I can’t, really.” I said.   “Yes, you can.”   “I assure you, I can’t draw.” I said sassily as I walked towards a familiar painting hidden between the wall and table. I picked it up and starred at it. It was unfinished. Miguel quickly took it from me and put it back.   “Miguel…Is that…a painting of my panties?” I asked surprised.   “Um…can you draw a line?” he asked trying to change the subject.   A slight “I know what you were doing” smile went across my face. “Yea, I can.” I said allowing him to lead me off topic.   “Then you can draw.” He said while setting up a new canvas board.   “Whatever.” I said in a smart alec voice   . I walked up to a painting of a flower on it, it was beautiful.   “You must really love art.” I assumed.   “It’s my life.” He said softly.   He walked past me towards the table and took a large sip from his wine glass. The wine bottle was half empty. I saw it earlier when we first arrived. It was on the wine shelf in the last row to the right. It had not been opened at all and Miguel was just sucking it down. He brought some small cans of paint from the shelf and opened them. I studied his every move; he was already drunk. At least he was low key about it. He didn’t seem drunk at all until I saw the bottle. He came and gently grabbed my hand and led me to the canvas board. He got behind me and placed his left hand on my hip.   “Let me show you how.” He whispered sweetly into my ear. I wanted to melt.   “…Sh…Show me how to do what?” I stuttered.   “To paint.” He said softly as he placed a medium sized paint brush into my hand.   “What are we painting?”   “I don’t know, just follow the flow of the brush.”   He placed his hand over mines and we dipped the brush in a baby blue and navy blue acrylic paint. We raised it up together and slowly painted a slightly curved line. We dipped the brush in some off-white colored paint and painted a tiny line onto it. We repeated the process but the lines were different lengths and sizes. Soon, he let my hand go and I was doing it by myself. He backed away slowly until he leaned against the table. Observing me closely, he took a few sips from his wine glass. I kept painting until I felt like I had enough lines…then I stopped.   “Why’d you stop?” he asked softly.   “…I think that’s enough lines.”   “Fill in the spaces with the royal blue color.” He said pointing to the can and sipping from his glass.   I just looked at him for a seconds and then dipped the brush in and painted in the spaces. His face kind of scrunched up in confusion.   “Not like that.” He said as he stood up and gently took the brush out of my hand. He rubbed his eyes. “Do it like this, watch me.”   He painted between a few spaces, letting them overlap the lines. They were curved at the top and straight at the bottom. He was really concentrated. He placed the brush into my hands and put his hand over mines, guiding me. He let me go again after a while and studied me closely. He sat down at the table and poured himself another round of wine. Damn, that’s like his fourth glass.   “Don’t you think that’s enough?” I asked still looking at my painting.   “Not just yet.” He said walking over to me.   I think he thought that I meant the painting. He stood next to me and observed the painting.   “Miguel, what is this?” I sighed.   “What do you think it is?” he asked.   “I don’t know.” I answered flatly.   “Look at it again and then tell me what you think it is.” He responded. I slowly observed it and the sound of water ran through my mind and I heard birds.   “It looks like a water fall.” I said softly.   “Then that’s exactly what it is.” He said as he rubbed his eyes.   “Oh…” I said.   “Since it’s a waterfall, get some of the white and paint the fog at the bottom of the water.” He said pointing to the ends of the lines.   I started painting some awkward circles, trying to make it look like fog.   “Help me please.” I said turning towards him. He was rubbing his eyes again.   “Don’t rub them.” I said looking away.   “Huh?” he asked. He sounded like he forgot I was there.   “I said don’t rub your eyes.” He did it again anyways.   “Are you alright?” I asked.   “…I…I’m fine, I just…I need to sit.” He said tiredly. He looked drained. He sat down in a chair and looked at the wine glass sitting on the table next to him.   I watched him as he tried reaching for it. “You don’t need anymore.” I said sternly as I placed my hand on his arm to stop him from getting it.   He glared at me.    “You don’t have the right to tell me what I need.” He said coldly as he retrieved it, took another sip, and looked down.   I just looked backed to my painting and finished the fog. He was right, I didn’t have any right to tell him anything. He took more sips from his wine.   “That’s fine, go ahead and be like Daniel.” I said heartlessly.   He was going to take another sip but then stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me fiercely. I knew it would piss him off, I said it on purpose because I knew that was the only way to get him to listen to me.   “What did you just say?” he asked angrily. I didn’t say a word. I acted like I didn’t hear him.   “Tamar…” he called.   I did not respond. He stood up and slightly yanked my arm and pulled me towards him. His eyes were red and watery.   “What did you say?”   “I said…go ahead and be like Daniel.”   He smacked the shit out of me.   I saw it coming though, he has his father’s temper and he’s drunk? Oh yea, I definitely saw it coming. I stumbled back and hit the floor hard. I gathered myself together and looked him dead in the eye. His face was filled with surprise and regret and he wanted to help me up but I had gotten up already and slapped his ass back. He stumbled back just a bit and then placed his hand over his cheek where I slapped him. We were both tired and breathing heavily. We stared into each others eyes, I felt like crying. He looked like he wanted to cry, only because his eyes looked watery. A tear slid down my cheek, and one slid down his. He pulled me closer and held me tight.   Then…we kissed. We kissed like we were back together or something. He started walking backwards as we kissed until we were perched up against the table. He started to lower my robe off of my shoulders and stroke my arm.   “I missed you so much...” He said as placed kisses on my neck and chest.   “Miguel…whatchu doin?” I asked knowing exactly what he was or at least trying to do.   He didn’t answer, he kept kissing and rubbing on me.   “Miguel…” I warned trying to get his attention. His hands slowly reached up my back as he unfastened my bra.   “Miguel!” I said gently pushing him away.   His face had the expression of a child being caught with something he wasn’t supposed to have.   “What’s wrong?” he asked confused.   “Miguel, you’re drunk.” I explained.   He looked at me like he didn’t understand.   “We…can’t do this…” I said getting off the table and holding my bra up so it wouldn't fall.   “And why not?” he asked confused.   “I don’t know…we just have to think clearly.” I said softly. “This could maybe be really bad, Miguel.”   “How?” he asked.   “I’m not sure…I just…I just don’t think this is a good idea.” I said looking into his eyes. He got real close again until we were leaning against the table.   “And what makes you say that?” he whispered as he tried to kiss me.   “What about Leelah?” I asked softly stopping him in his tracks. He looked at me and slowly backed up a bit. “I realized why she was so upset earlier…” I said with my eyes darting at him.   I guess I made him mad. He backed off and ran his fingers through his hair.   “Goodnight Tamar.” He said quietly as he snatched his wine bottle with a little bit of wine left in it and walked out of the room.   I didn’t respond to him as I watched him walk away. I turned the radio off and looked down. I went into my room and laid down in bed. I felt tired but I wasn’t sleepy.   I kept tossing and turning. After a half hour of moving around, I was finally in a comfortable position. I was laying on my side facing the wall with my back towards the door. I was hot and I took my robe off. Soon I was starting to nod off and I heard my door creep open. I didn’t turn to see who it was, I was too lazy to do it. I knew it was Miguel. He climbed into the bed with me and leaned over me. He kissed me on my cheek and I finally turned over to face him.   “I'm sorry." I just looked at him. "Leelah and I are not together…we never were.” he explained softly.   "But you like her, don't you?" I asked.    “It’s complicated Tamar…I really don’t know how to explain it, but when I have a good explanation, I'll tell it to you. If I try to explain it to you now, you’ll just be confused." he said as he reached for my hand and held it. "All I know is that I’m with y ou at this very moment…and it might be our only moment and I want it to be special.” He said sweetly as he rested his head on my shoulders and slowly ran his finger tips down my thigh.   I didn’t say anything, I just looked out of the window. The sky was bright, I couldn’t see the moon but I could tell it was out there. Miguel got up out of the bed and held his hand out to me. I reached for it hesitantly. He helped me up and I bent down to get my robe off the stool. Miguel placed his hand over mines and stopped me from getting it.   “…You don’t need it.” He said as he walked out of the room holding my hand.   We walked towards his room and stopped at the door. He opened the door and gestured for me to go first. I hesitantly walked in.   “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine…” he said seductively as he watched me closely as I walked past.    He closed the door and gently grabbed my hand and walked me to his bed. We didn’t sit down on it, instead we stood close to it and Miguel started kissing me on my neck.. I looked out the window as he did that and the view was wonderful. There was a full moon tonight and the way it flew high beyond the trees was beautiful.   It was so amazing it kind of hypnotized me for a few minutes. Miguel noticed that I wasn’t paying any attention to him and looked to see what I was staring at. He looked out the window for a second and then gently turned my face to make me face him. I gazed into his eyes and they looked gorgeous under the moonlight. He slowly leaned towards me and kissed me four times on the lips. “Your eyes,” I said with a smile. “they’re gorgeous.” I complimented as I stroked a piece of his hair.   It was all silky and soft. He giggled a bit and smiled back at me. Complete turn on. Now I’ve seen cute men before, really cute ones, but have you ever seen a gorgeous man? And I mean fucking beautiful, not even remotely close to “cute.” It’s very rare! Miguel just happened to be up there with the gorgeous men. Miguel is very handsome. I’m kind of surprised he wasn’t taken by now. He held my hand and walked over to the window. He gently and slowly swung me around in front of him and wrapped his arms around my waist.    I rested my head on his chest as we looked out the window.   “I don’t understand why I can’t keep my hands off of  you…” he said softly as he kissed my shoulder and slid both hands down my thigh.   “I know why…” I said.   “Oh yea…why then?” he said giggling.   “Because, your ass is drunk. Remember yelling at me a few hours ago?”    We both laughed.   “You ever been drunk?” he asked giggling.   “No…I’ve been high as hell obviously, but never drunk.” I answered.   "I’ve been drunk many times. My very first time was when I was in college and my friend convinced me to go to this huge frat party with him, despite all the homework and tests I had to study for I went anyways. It was crazy, they had this really loud music and the people there barely had on any clothes.” He giggled. “There was this chugging contest and like a dumb ass I did it…twice.” he said with a smile.   “In the morning I woke up in a bathtub…and it wasn’t even in the same building we had the party in and there was some guy in there with me sleeping on the floor.” He laughed.   I started to laugh with him. “I bet the place was a mess!” I said laughing.   “Yea, there were people everywhere, things in places that shouldn’t be there and trash all over the place.” He giggled as he placed one kiss on my neck. I turned to face him and I wrapped my arms around his neck and we had our foreheads together.   “Some party huh? Did you have fun?” I asked with a smile.   “I would say yes if I didn’t have a huge hangover the next day.” He said regretfully.   “Like you’ll have in the morning?”   “I guess.” He said with a smile.   “Can you call the school in the morning and tell them I won’t be coming?” he asked.   “No problem.” I said softly as I gazed into his eyes.   It was quiet for a minute.   “…Tamar…” he called.   “Yes?” I answered still gazing at him.   “…I love you.” he said softly as he hugged me a bit tighter.   My smile faded and I didn’t know what to say. It was quiet for a second before I responded.   “….no…you don’t.” I said pulling away.   “But I do.” He confirmed.   “You’re drunk. You don’t mean it.” I said persuaded.   “Let me show you…you have to let others show you that they love you Tamar.” he said softly. “I know you’ve been hurt before but you have to learn to trust others. Now please, let me show you…that I love you…” he said as he reached for my hand and pulled me close. “Please?” He asked as he slowly kissed me once more.   “…Ok.” I replied as I slowly nodded my head like I was hypnotized.   He rubbed my cheek softly with his thumb. His hands sneakily strolled up my back and he unfastened my bra again. I didn’t refuse this time and he gently pulled it off. He took off his t-shirt and pulled me closer to him and kissed me. He took my hand and we walked back towards his bed.   Secret:   “Miss Stone? Miss Stone, you woke?” Elliot asked.   I just laid there on my side with my back facing him. I was awake, but I didn’t feel like talking.   “Miss Stone?” he asked once more.   “Did you hear anything?” I asked him softly still not facing him.   “I heard it all…” he said freely, “you ok?”   “I’m fine,” I answered, “I just don’t feel too good.”   “Oh…so I guess you not coming then…” he said flatly.   He sounded really disappointed. I didn’t say anything.   “You caint leave anyways…you gotta stay wit yo mom…she loves you.” he said disappointed again.   He sounded like he was a bit jealous. I wanted to believe him but I just couldn’t. Something in my heart just wouldn’t let me believe that Tamar would come back for me or that she really cares.   “She’s not my mama.” I said softly.   “She is…I peeked out of the curtain when she first came…you was sleep but you look just like her. You got the same face as her…you kinda look like that white dude too…but only when y’all together. Y’all look different when you’re separated.” He giggled.   I didn't respond to him right away. “What white dude?” I asked curiously after a few minutes.   “The one with the long hair, he has a funny voice.” he responded   “Oh, him. He's not white, just a lil pale. And his voice is funny because he has an accent. He’s from Mexico and he’s just my teacher.” I corrected.   “Well I thought he was your dad, but I wasn’t sure.” He said confused.   “Why would you think that?” I asked finally turning on my side to face him.   “I don’t know, he just kinda acts like a dad. Like he cares or somethin. Your mom cares too…wish mines did…” he said pitifully.   “I’m sure they do.” I responded.   “What? How can they? I mean, look around, do you see where I am? My parents nor anybody else gives three fucks about me.” he said sadly.   “They just want to put me with some random ass person, let em beat on me, and give em my check and I'm not having that shit, forget it!” he said stubbornly as he folded his arms.   He seems so…“Hood like”.   “Well, if they didn’t love you, at least an inch, then they wouldn’t put up with you in the first place…no matter how they treat you.” I said calmly.   “Oh really?” he asked sarcastically.   “Yeah, or at least that’s how I see it.” I said turning my back towards him.   “And how would you know? You’ve never been abused.” He said forcefully as he folded his arms. He sounded a tad bit jealous. I looked down and didn’t respond for a moment.   “Can I tell you a secret?” I asked.   “Yeah, a brotha aint no snitch.” He said holding his left hand up as if he were in court. “That can get you killed.” He said finishing it off. What he said scared me a bit and I decided not to tell him anything; I tried to change the subject.   “You ever been to school before?” I asked curiously.   “Oh yeah, I usually get straight A’s. Maybe even a B or two might sneak up.” he said rubbing his eyes. I was kinda surprised by his answer. Not the fact that he does go, but the fact that he said he’s getting straight A’s. Especially in English? I’m barely passing because I'm not doing my homework.    “Oh, that’s really good…where you from?” I asked looking down because I’m still thinking about his last answer.   “Atlanta, Georgia.” he said proudly.   “Oh, that’s nice.” I smiled weakly.   “Yea, you like peaches?” he asked.   “Yea, they’re one of my favorite fruits.” I responded.   “Well, you ever had a Georgia peach?” he asked curiously.   “No, I’ve never even been outside of Chicago.” I said flatly.   “Aw shoot! That mean you aint never had a real peach until you’ve had a Georgia peach.” He said with a huge grin.   "What’s so special about it?” I asked eager to know.   “Cuz man, they just the best…Sweet Georgia, home of the best peaches.” He said softly looking up as if he were reliving a precious moment.   I looked up too trying to see the moment he saw. “Why you here in Chicago?” I asked.   “Our apartment building was burned down when I was seven. We moved out here and moved in with my grandma. She died a few years ago and left my mom the house and stuff.” He said laying on his back with both hands behind his head and gazing ahead as he thought about his memory.   “You got brothers or sisters?” I asked. “I got a big sister. She left home when she was like 15. That was years ago.” he said quietly.   “You?” he asked.   “I'm an only child.” I said.   It was quiet for a while and then he broke the silence with a yawn. He shifted and squirmed a bit in his bed until he was comfortable lying on his side.   “What was your secret, Secret?” he asked giggling.   “Never mind.” I said quickly.   “How come you won’t tell me?” he asked.   “It’s not important anymore.” I said flatly as I turned to lay on my side with my back faced towards him.   “Alright then, I don’t mind you keeping secrets.” He said calmly not even caring.   He let out another yawn and it became quiet. I turned just slightly just in time to see his eyes starting to close just a bit.   “So, you’re not leaving?” I asked him.   He didn’t answer me, so I guess he went to sleep. I turned back around and laid my head on the pillow. It was soft and hot so I flipped it over to the cooler side, perfect. After a while, I started to nod off and a woman dressed in a red suit with a vase of flowers came in, accompanied by a nurse, and set them on Elliot’s night stand.   “Is this him?” she asked the nurse quietly.   “Yes, Mr. Elliot Timothius Jones.” She said with a smile.   Timothius, that’s his middle name? Haha, that’s a funny name for him. She lightly caressed his head and then kissed him on his forehead. The nurse pulled the curtain divider closed and then they both left. I started to nod off again; but until I actually fell asleep, I started thinking about everything that happened today. I still don’t know why I’m here or what happened. Why is my mom here and what happened between us? Why is Mr. Rodriguez still sticking around? Why won’t he leave? So many questions ran through my head, even ones that had nothing to do with today. Like whatever happened to Mr. Ming and his shop? After Mrs. Ming died, I stopped going in there.   I attempted to go in one time. But once I touched the door handle I backed up and walked away. I just couldn’t do it. It looked like the restaurant was empty all the time anyways. And Where the hell was Daniel? I was wondering where he’d been. Not that I expected him to show up. But still, I was wondering. Does he love me? I guess he did…but then again, it didn’t seem like it. Sometimes he showed it…and sometimes he doesn’t. He used to when I was smaller. Maybe because I’m older now, he doesn’t like me. Sometimes I just wish I could jump right into his head and see for myself…   Daniel:   I can’t do this anymore, I need to go back. Sheila’s in the bathroom playing with her hair. She pulled me from the ground and dragged me out of the building. Desperately trying to flee, not caring about my injuries. We’re staying in this small ass motel. We’re in Indiana, about a half hour away from Chicago. I guess we’re staying here for the night and leaving early in morning. I think she tryna take us to Alabama.   That’s where she’s from. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she would have left me there. If she would have been selfish and took off without me. She is selfish, and I knew she would have left me if she could. She knows that I would have told if she did…if I was still alive. I rubbed my right shoulder and my neck to soothe the aches and pains on them. That man’s blows to my face and chest almost knocked me clean out.    I still don’t understand who he was or where he came from. I don’t even know him. He looked so familiar, like I’ve seen him before. Something about his eyes and hair triggered the familiar features of him. He was mad though…real mad. I don’t know why though. He just came in my house and picked a fight.   For what though, what did I do to him? Sheila knows but won’t tell me why. I know she knows because I heard him say somethin on his way out but I couldn’t hear him that well. My left ear had completely shut out all sound for a while and everything else sounded muffled in my right. When I think about it, I sometimes wished he would’ve killed me. I wish he would’ve punched me in the face so hard my breathing would just stop instantly.   I wished he would have pounded the side of my head harder than he did so my neck would twist. I wished a lot of things but some…no, all wishes don’t come true. My mind and my body were sore. I was sore from the wounds, the emotions, and the confusions. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t keep Secret off my mind since we left. Every time I try and think of something else, my thoughts end up wandering back to her…just like now. I know she thinks about me sometimes, and no doubt, I think about her too.   I wonder what’s goin through her mind all the time. I wish I could see for myself, cuz lord knows she aint gon tell me. I remember when I took her to the park one time, and bought her an ice-cream cone. She dropped it, and I bought her another, no questions asked. She ate some of it but offered me the rest. She told me that I should take it. I guess she felt bad about droppin the first one. I told her it was ok but she insisted on me havin it, so I took it. It felt nice to be given somethin…even if it’s as little as an ice-cream cone.   For some strange reason, that made me feel good. It made me feel like I was doin somethin right for a change. Most of my life I did wrong…then God gave me this little girl to look after. I didn’t do a good job, not at all. She in the hospital sick, maybe even dead…and it’s my fault. I was always a good boy when I was younger. Never hung out with the wrong people, I got good grades, and was always home before the street lights came on.   Then my dad died when I was fourteen. That messed me up pretty bad. We were never really close, but I know I loved him…and I knew he loved me from a distant. I started drinking and doing drugs on the low…even sold em for a little while. Momma needed help with the bills, but I neva told her where I got the money from when she asked me. I was neva home on time anymore and my grades started to slip. I was even in this small clique full of slackers and idiots.   Haha, my momma whooped my ass all the time when I actually did go home. But I love her; I was always a momma’s boy. I used to get teased all the time. Five years ago I had found out that she had died and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then a few days later, Tamar had left in the morning…but she didn’t come back. That messed me up even more…I felt like I had lost the two most important people in my life at the time. I didn’t go to the funeral, but I think that made things worse.   Not for me…. but for Secret. I now had to face reality and take care of this little girl by myself and realize that my mom was dead. But I couldn’t handle it no more. I was always mad. Mad at the world, mad at Tamar, mad at Secret but mostly mad at myself. I was fired for coming in really late, and on top of that, for being drunk. I threw a “small” hissy fit about it and almost got arrested. I didn’t think it was fair at the time…I felt like my world was bein torn apart. I couldn’t cope with the fact that I had lost everything. My mom, my job and the girl I was starting to fall in love with.   She was my best friend, but I think she loved the drugs more than me. And I was angry so I took my anger out on Secret. The more I was mad, the more I drank and the more Secret had to deal with it. She would come and try to comfort me. I always pushed her away. I remember the very first time I hit her…I didn’t mean to at all. I was askin her somethin…I couldn’t remember what though.   She was sitting in the kitchen drawing a picture. But she wouldn’t answer me and it was pissing me off. But I kept askin and askin her but she wouldn’t answer. Then finally she said in a heartless tone, “You’re drunk Daniel…you’re mean when you’re drunk.” That had hurt my feelings…so bad that I just lost it and slapped her. I had slapped her so hard that she fell out the chair. She cried instantly as she held her cheek and looked at me like I had a gun to her head.   That look killed me so bad that I felt like I was stabbed twice in the heart. Instantly, I had felt really bad and I tried to help her up but she kept crying and scooting away. …She’s never cried with me and it hurt my feelings. I felt ashamed…and to make me feel better, I drank some more. The process repeats: Do somethin, feel bad, and drink through it...again and again. I’m sorry that I ever laid a finger on her. I’m sorry I let Sheila convince me to do somethin so horrible; she’s just a little girl. She didn’t deserve any of it and I’m sorry…just so sorry. I want to…no, I need to make it up to her…I’m goin back.   “Danny, are you alright?” Sheila asked braiding her hair into a side ponytail.   She came out of the bathroom and walked towards me. She stood behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders. She started to massage them and hum to herself. “I’m ok.” I sighed as I rubbed my hands together and leaned forward to look down.   “You sure? You’ve been real quiet since we left.” She said softly.   “Oh, I didn’t notice.” I said quietly, shrugging her hands off of me.   “Well, you were…just making sure you’re ok.” She said walking away from me to the window.   I looked up at her with suspicion. She was wearing a neon green halter top and cream colored booty shorts that said “Dangerous” on the back.   “What a coincidence…” I mumbled under my breath.   She turned to look at me. “Did you say somethin?”   “Nope.” I said with my eyes burning into hers.   “…what’s wrong?” she asked.   “Nothin.” I answered flatly.   “Oh…ok.” She said keeping her eye on me while heading towards the bathroom again. It’s crazy how people change on you. When I met Sheila, I admit, I was just tryna get some cash out of her. But then she just stuck around; started buying me suits and gifts and was just making me feel better about myself just a bit. That’s when I fell for her. Why would she, or anyone for that matter, stick around me? I’m just a bum…a drunk…and a abuser. Maybe that’s what turns her on. She needs someone on the same level as herself; someone as devious as her. She killed her own parents and she don’t give a damn that she did it.   She tried to kill Secret…maybe she succeeded…and I let her. I hate myself for that. I admit, when she first suggested it I wanted to knock her ass out! The plan to poison my baby, the one I’ve taken care of for like nine years, pierced my heart and shattered my soul. It was like a sibling relationship: Just because I bully them, don’t mean you can. I know I love her. And I know I didn’t show it often, but I do…honestly.   I show it sometimes because I know it makes her feel good. I want her to be happy. I hate the look of fear and anger on her face. I try my best to be a “father” but it seem like I always fail in the end. I’ve bought her things but I know I cant buy her love. I have to earn it by showing it. You reap what you sew. That’s what my momma used to tell me. Man, all this thinkin is bringing me down. I need a drink…just one more. I stood up and grabbed the keys off the table.   “Where are you goin?” Shelia asked as she peeked her head out of the bathroom doorway.   “I need a drink.” I replied simply as I grabbed the keys and my black leather jacket and headed for the door.   “Um, I don’t think you should do that.” She said jumping in front of me.   “At least not now, I mean were kind of in the middle of a situation.” She said nervously.   “Besides Daniel, it’s 5:30 in the morning!”   “Shelia move, I just want a drink…just one.” I said trying to push past her.   “You’ll be right back?” she asked finally giving in.   “yea…” I replied.   “You promise?” she asked uncertainly.   “I promise baby.” I said softly as I kissed her on the cheek and held my hand behind my back with my fingers crossed.   She moved out of the way and I stepped into the hall. I grabbed the door handle and took one good final look at her. Was I drunk the whole relationship? Maybe. I thought as I shrugged it off.   “Hurry back, we gotta rest up so we can leave soon.” She said with a smirk.   I just looked at her, disgusted with what I had allowed her to do. How can she keep so calm knowing what she did? I tremble every time I think about the times I hurt Secret. I wasted my time with this bitch. How come I didn't realize that before? I’m trying not to lose it.   “Ok…I’ll be back.” I said softly as I closed the door and walked slowly to her car.   Tamar:   Dear Diary, It’s about 9:30 in the morning. I just woke up, I never really sleep well. I turned to my side, away from Miguel, and starred out into the window. The sun looked beautiful hanging above the trees, like a golden spot. Just waiting for the perfect time to drop down and melt all the snow that was left. Miguel started to squirm around a bit before settling down.   I sat up slowly and looked at him. He looked uncomfortable and he was sweating. I slowly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake him, and tip toed out of the room. I walked to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. My face was clear and my hair was healthy and clean. I turned around towards the full body mirror and checked my legs and arms. The needle marks and scars were still on my arms, but they were fading away. Some of them were gone.   I was a little bit thicker than before, still a petite frame, but not entirely skinny. I’ve come a long way. I can’t stop thinking about my baby. You just don’t know how bad I want to love and hold her. But I don’t think she’ll let me. I’m still trying to convince myself whether or not she really meant what she said.   A part of me thinks that this is a bad idea and another part doesn’t want to give up too soon. Maybe Miguel is right, maybe she doesn’t believe I’m her mother. I pray to God to forgive me for everything. I pray every day and now, I pray for him to give me my baby back. I want her, I need her and I’ve never stopped thinking about her. I might have been a dead beat mother, but I’m here now….and I’m here for good.   I put the pencil down and closed the book as I heard Miguel slowly come down the stairs. He had on a dark grey t-shirt and a pair of light grey sweat pants. He had one hand on his head. He came into the kitchen and walked right past me.   “Good Morning.” I said as I watched him get a mug out of the cabinet.   He turned around quickly and looked at me as if he didn’t know me. Then his confused look turned to relief. “Oh, Buenas dias.” He said softly as he turned back around and walked towards the coffee machine.   It was quiet for a moment. The only sounds came from Miguel and his coffee machine.   “I called you in for work.” I said trying to break the silence.   “Oh, thanks.” He smiled weakly.   “No problem.” I said quietly as I looked down and played with the pen.   He sat down in the chair across from me and put his hair into a pony tail. It was quiet again. He folded his arms and took in a deep breath as he looked around the room.   “How’d you sleep?” we both asked at the same time.   We both smiled.   “I slept ok.” I responded.   “Me too.” He agreed.   “You want coffee?” he asked standing up and making his way to the counter.   “No, thank you.” I answered.   “Alright. I just took some aspirin, I’m gonna lie down for an hour or two.” He said pouring the coffee into the mug. “I have a huge headache. It should go away soon though.” He finished.   “Hmm, I wonder why.” I said sarcastically with a smile. He turned around and smiled back. He took his mug and walked past me giving me a playful look.   “Don’t miss me too much.” He said as he started walking up the stairs.   “Boy, aint nobody gon miss you.” I laughed.   “You will.” He laughed as he disappeared.   I decided to go for a walk to spend the time away. I went upstairs and took a shower and put on a sweater and some jeans. Maybe I’ll be back by 11:00. I looked out the sliding glass door onto the back patio. It’s not snowing now. And some of the snow melted a bit. Two dogs just ran up on the glass and started to bark. They surprised me so I ended up screaming. Miguel quickly ran down half the staircase.   “Tamar, are you alright?” he asked alarmed.   “I’m …ok….when did you get dogs?” I said with my heart beating fast and trying to catch my breath.   He started to laugh. I looked at him with a stare. “That’s not funny Miguel. They scared the hell out of me.” I said walking away from the glass.   “Don’t worry,” he said in the smoothness of his accent. “They don’t bite.”   “Yea well, they’d better not…I might bite back.” I retorted.   He shook his head and smiled. Then he went back upstairs, I followed behind him to my room. I put on my red coat and matching hat and scarf.   “You leaving?” he asked curiously.   “Just gonna take a walk,” I answered putting my gloves on.   “I’ll be back by 11:00.” I grabbed my purse and headed into the hall.   “Alright, I want to show you the studio later. Maybe before Secret’s visit starts?” he asked.   “Sure, See you later.” I said as I walked past him.   “Adios.” He said softly.   When I got outside, it felt like Jack Frost had just placed kisses on my face. I walked a couple blocks. I don’t know where I was walking to and I didn’t care. I just wanted to walk around. And that’s what I did…I just kept walking and walking. I then walked towards a playground. There were squeals, shrieks and screams throughout the area. They seemed to get louder the closer I got to it. Snowballs glided through the air like deformed doves. There were young kids everywhere, in different colors.   Different shades of blues, greens, yellows, reds and pinks. Smiling faces and innocent laughter followed behind each one of them closely. Even teenagers who looked like they were in their senior or junior year of highschool were having fun pushing and shoving each other in the snow. I walked closer and sat on a bench that overlooked the whole park. A little girl with wavy dark hair in a green worn out coat stood crying by a tree alone.   The coat had a few holes in it and so did her hat and gloves. She looked to be about five years old. No one could hear her over the screams but I was close enough. Maybe no one bothered to. She looked like she was maybe Asian or something and she had big beautiful brown eyes. I went towards her and she was crying really loud.   “Hi… what’s wrong” I asked her. Her crying went down to a whimper but she didn’t answer me. “Are you lost?”   I asked hoping for an answer. She nodded. “Where’s your mama?”   “I not know.” She answered before sobbing again.   “Where did you see her last?” I asked.   “In the street.” She answered.   “What happened?” I asked again.   “We walked down the street to see daddy. I was behind her. We walked by the toy store and I stopped to look. When I turned around, she was gone.” She whimpered.   "Oh, alright, alright don’t cry, I’ll help you look for her, ok?” I responded.   She nodded her head and took my hand. We walked around the park for a bit. She looked cold and tired so I gave her my scarf and hat and picked her up. After looking for her mama for a while with no results, I decided to take her to small restaurant. As we walked there, a hysterical young Hispanic man came towards. A woman followed behind him, maybe the girl’s mother.   They started speaking in Spanish and yelling. The little girl jumped down from my arms and ran towards them. They willingly embraced their little girl and then they looked at me. The Girl started to speak to them in a different language and their grimaces faded away. The man walked up to me. He had thick dark eyebrows along with a small mustache. They both looked young, maybe in their mid-20’s.   His coat and the woman’s also had holes in them and their shoes were a bit open at the top.   “Thank you so much for finding our little girl. We don’t know what we could have done without you.” He said as if he were about to cry.   “It’s no problem at al---.” I tried to say.   “Here, take it. It’s all we have.” He said handing out 20 dollars. I looked down at the money.   “No,” I said softly pushing it away. “I don’t want your money.”   “Please, there must be something you want. Please take it.” He pursued on.   “No, finding your little girl and bringing her back to you was all I wanted.”    “Gracias, Thank you very much!” The father said with a smile.   “You’re welcome.” I smiled back. The little girl ran to me and hugged me.   “Susana.” She said with a grin. “Susana Garcia.”   “That’s a pretty name.” I replied.   I looked into her eyes, big and beautiful. The family was poor. I glanced at the mother. She kind of kept to herself and didn’t speak much. She was restless and had a twitch in her eye. She’s on drugs.   “Mr. Garcia…” I called out. I took a card out of my purse and handed it to him. “Here’s a card for a rehab center. They can help your family. I work there at nights. Here’s my number at the bottom. We help people and families find jobs and give them what they need. It helped me…so much, please take it.” I explained handing out the card. He looked at it and took it hesitantly. “I’m not working now but I will be next week. Is there any way you could contact me or may I contact you?” I asked hoping he would say yes.   “No, we don’t take charity.” He said softly returning the card and starting to walk away.   Susana looked at me and then her father. Disappointment filled her eyes.   “…Please…if not for yourself, do it for your daughter…” I said catching his attention again. He turned around and looked at the card again. “I did it for mine.” I said hopefully changing his mind.   He walked back towards me and looked at his little girl. Then, he took the card and thanked me.   “I am extremely grateful. I will contact you when I can. What’s your name?” he asked.   “Tamar, Tamar Reevis.” I answere as I shook his hand.   “Ok, Tamar, we’re staying at this shelter three blocks over called Helping Hands”. Do you have a pen and paper?” he asked.   “Yes.” I answered as I pulled one out and gave it to him. He wrote on the piece of paper. I kept looking at the mother. She  looked lost and was probably unaware of Susana when they were walking.   “Here...it’s the number to the shelter. If you call, ask for Jason and Carmen Garcia.” He said as he handed me the paper and pen back.   I thanked him and Susana came running to me with my hat and scarf.   “No, you keep it. I have more.” I said softly.   We said our goodbyes and I started to walk away, its 10:30.   “Tamar…Feliz Navidad!” Susana yelled as the family walked away.   I turned around and smiled at her “Merry Christmas!” As I walked away from the scene, a boy about 10 or 11 ran into me.   “Sorry lady, I’m the robber.” He said as he ran away.   Two other boys, about his age, chased after him with snowballs. They must be the cops. I retraced my steps and headed back to Miguel’s place. Unfortunately, I have a decent memory. I arrived at the house and rung the doorbell.   Miguel opened the door. He had on some blackish jeans and a black t-shirt that showed off his muscles and his hair was down.   “Hola.” He greeted as I walked in.   When I walked past him, a scent of cologne bounced off him and into my nose.   “You smell good.” I said as took off my coat and set it on the couch.   “Gracias, you do too.” He complimented.   “I remember who your perfume reminds me of now.”   “Oh yea, who?” I asked curiously leaning against the counter.   “My mother." he said flatly.   I just looked at him. "Sooo...you tryna call me old?" I asked not able to hold in my laugh.   He started to laugh himself and shook his head.   "You are something else Tamar."   "Yea, I'm alot of things..." I said softly as I looked at him.   I knew how Miguel felt about his parents, so I never really tried to bring them up.   "So, when do we go see your studio?" I asked trying to change the subject.   "Oh, we can leave in a few minutes. I just fed the dogs I just need to give them fresh water.” He explained.   I started thinking about the little girl again and my heart began to soften.   “Tamar, are you ok?” I snapped out of it and looked at him.   “What?” I asked.   “Are you alright?” he repeated.   “Oh, yea I was…just...thinking.” I said looking down.   “About?” he asked looking up as he set the bowl down on the floor for one of the dogs.   “Just this little girl I met at the park.” I said dismissively.   “What about her?” he asked. I didn’t respond right away.   “She was lost…and poor.” I said.   “Oh, that’s sad. Did you find her mama?” he asked curiously.   “Yea.” I said flatly.   “Then why the face, you should be glad.” He said petting the golden retriever.   “Because I saw her mother and I saw how I used to be.” I said softly as I looked down.   Miguel stopped petting the dog and looked up at me. “What do you mean?” he asked while continuing to pet the dog. I looked over at him.   “She’s on drugs.” Miguel didn’t say anything else. The dogs finished their food and came towards him. The smaller one, that he called Mixto, came over and brushed against my leg. I sat down on the floor next to Miguel to pet it. Miguel looked at me and smiled.   Daniel:   Everything looks the same. I spent the rest of the night here at home. Ain't no cops lurkin around and Sheila keeps callin my phone. I didn’t answer, I’m not going to. I took a shower and put on a white t-shirt and some jeans. Imma go visit my friend, Ziggy. He’s a couple years younger than me but he smart. By smart, I mean he thinks quick…sometimes. I just need some advice.   I walked past Secret’s room and looked inside, expecting her to be there and she wasn't. My stomached dropped and my heart sank. I usually take her with me, she likes him. I walked in and just looked around. I saw something, I think blonde hair, between her covers. I sat on the bed and picked it up. It was that doll I had given her. I hugged it close and then tossed it on the bed. I wonder if she thinking about me. I opened the door to leave, just in time to see Mrs. Jenkins standing there with her door open.   “Good morning.” I said softly.   She looked at me. After a few seconds of uncomfortable glaring I decided to walk away. I closed the door and started down the hall.   “You and that girl hittin on that baby?” she asked in a tone that sent chills down my spine.   It sounded more like a statement than a question. I turned to look at her and she had a facial expression that nearly scared the shit out of me. I didn’t answer her.   “I know you are, I hear it all the time.” She said folding her arms.   “I...I never wanted to…” I said almost stuttering.   “But you did.” She said rolling her eyes.   “I’m sorry.” I said looking down; it was the only thing I could say.   “Why you tellin me sorry? You need to be tellin God, that you’re sorry.” She said slamming the door and cursing to herself.   I just felt ashamed and walked slowly down the hall. Shelia just called me again…and again, I declined it. I arrived at Ziggy’s house and rang the doorbell. Ziggy was one of the guys I hung out with when I was younger. He stayed fresh. Nice house, suits, nice cars and all the ladies. He was a drug dealer too, but a classy one. He never brought the stuff openly to his own house and he always kept a low profile. For the safety of his son, Aaric.   “To rule with mercy. Is what it means.” His son yelled excitedly at me as I walked in.   “Don’t mind him, I told him earlier what it meant cuz he kept askin. Now he keeps yelling it at everybody.” He laughed.   “It’s all good, what’s up?” I asked greeting him with a handshake/hug.   “Not much bruh, what’s good which ya? How’s life?” He asked leading me to his living room. He sat down on his brown leather lazy boy chair and I sat on the matching sofa.   “Life is…difficult at the moment.” I answered looking down.   “Aw, You still drinking?” he asked.   “Naw man, I quit.” I answered flatly.   "Aw yea, cool. When was your last drink?” he asked.   “A few hours ago.” I answered sheepishly. He started to laugh and even I cracked a smile on my face.     “Naw but forreal, all that drinking got me into some major trouble. I don’t think straight when I’m drunk.”   “No one really does, only a few people can control their actions when they’re intoxicated. What kind of trouble are you in?” he asked uncrossing his leg and sitting straight up.   I looked over at Aaric, who was playing with a plastic toy truck. “How old is he?” I asked still looking at him.   “He’s five. Hey Aaric, go in your room and play, me and Daniel need to talk.” Without question or hesitation, Aaric got up with his truck and ran into his room.   “He’s a little parrot. If you gon say sum crazy that you wouldn’t tell Jesus, don’t ever say it in front of him.” Ziggy laughed.   “Oh yea?” I smiled.   “Yep, that boy couldn’t keep a secret if you paid him a million dollars.” We both laughed.   “So what’s up Daniel? And where’s my little Secret?” He asked. My smile faded and I looked down.   “She’s…in the hospital somewhere…maybe…she’s dead.” His smile faded too and he looked at me with this face I can’t really describe.   “W…what you mean?” he asked.   “I don’t know man I messed up…I messed up real bad.” I said feeling tears forming in my eyes.   “Wait, wait, wait, what did you do to Secret man?” he asked sternly.   “I...I’ve been abusing her man. I mean if that’s what people callin it now then yea…I’m abusing her.” I said putting my hands over my face.   “So much you put her in the hospital?” he asked.   “No…yea…I don’t know.” I said standing up and pacing the floor.   “Well, what happened?” he asked standing up too.   “Shelia man! The girl I introduced you to when I came back home.” I yelled trying to control my emotions.   “I let this bitch convince me to poison her! Damn Lysol in her juice and shit!” He just looked at me like I was crazy. “Man, it’s a long story. I just need some advice.” I said letting the tears spill down my cheeks as I sat back down and put my face in my hands.   He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I don’t know man…for the first time…I don’t know, especially being a father myself.”   He said looking down before he sat down. This sent chills down my spine because he always knows.   “Where’s Sheila now?” he asked softly.   “I left her in this hotel somewhere. She keep callin but I didn’t answer.” I said foldin my hands together.   “So, you didn't go see her in the hospital yet?” He  asked.   “Nah, I'm scared to.”   “Think anybody expects you?”   “I'm not sure. This man came to my crib yesterday before Sheilah and me left. He picked a fight...beat my ass though.” I said kind of chuckling to my self.   “Aw damn man. That explains that slight limp you got goin on..and yo nose does look a lil swollen.” he pointed out laughing. I couldn't help but laugh with him.   “The best advice I can give you right now though is to go home…and pray for the best. You made your bed Danny, now you gotta sleep in it.” He said softly trying not to sound cruel.   “I know man…” I said softly as I looked at my feet. “But I don't know if I should turn my self in, or just try and make myself right and just be a better person.”   “You gon take care of her still?” he asked surprised.   “What you tryna say?” I asked with a slight giggle. “Well, shit man, she is in the hospital at this very moment.” He said folding his arms.   “Yea..true. But no, I don’t think so, Tamar came back.” I responded.   “Damn, for real? How she doin?” he asked.   “Great I guess. She cleaned up like magic. Beauty restored and everything. I think she might take Secret with her.” I said sadly.   “Well, whatever you do, make sure your heart and your mind agree with your decision completely. You'll confuse yourself a whole lot when they agree to disagree. Remember that.” he said.   Secret:   I keep hearing noises. What is that? I opened my eyes to catch a nurse fixing up the room. She placed this and that in different areas. She seemed to move so fast. I feel better than I did yesterday. A lot better in fact. I stopped throwing up but my burns still hurt a bit. They’re kinda going away. She pulled the room divider back. I expected to see Elliot there, but he wasn’t. His bed was made neatly and I didn’t see his stuff.   “Morning.” The nurse greeted in a drowsy tone as she walked past.   “Hi…where’s the boy that was here?” I asked watching her as she raced across the room trying to clean it up.   “Boy? What Boy?” she asked speeding across the room like a pinball machine.   “The boy that was in here with me, where’d he go?” I asked loosing patience.   “Oh, him, he left.” She answered replacing his sheets with fresh ones.   “Oh, I didn’t know that.” I said sarcastically. “I meant where did he go?”   “He left with a woman.” She answered.   “What woman? Was she young or old?” I asked.   “Look, I just work here kid, I’m not a detective.” She said walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.   Dr. Pollum came in followed by a male nurse.   “Morning Secret. Jeff, check her pulse please.” He said as he set the clipboard down and walked towards the window and opened the curtains. Jeff came over and sat down next to me. He took my wrist and started to squeeze it hard.   “Ow, that hurts!” I said looking at him with irritation.   “I’m sorry, just checking your pulse honey.” He answered dismissing me.   “Well I’m breathing aren’t I?” I said snatching my arm away. He looked at Dr. Pollum who just laughed.   “You’re a feisty one aren’t you?" He asked me. I didn’t answer.   “Yes, she is.” Dr. Pollum answered for me while laughing.   “Breakfast will be coming soon.” The nurse said.   “What’s today?” I asked.   “Friday.” He answered.   “Can I have blueberry pancakes?” I asked.   “Um, I don’t think they have that today.” The nurse said.   “But I have blueberry pancakes every Friday.” I lied. I just had a taste for them.   “Well, that’s not healthy enough for you now. Your stomach’s still a bit sensitive.” Dr. Pollum said.   “But I feel fine.” I said.   “I’m sure you do but I don’t want to take any chances. The lining of your stomach is a bit damaged, nothing serious. Pancakes are a bit too sweet for you at the moment. How about Toast and eggs?” he asked   “Can I have salt and butter on them?” I asked.   “Afraid not.” He said with a smile.   “Then I don’t want it.” I said sitting back with my arms folded.   “Well you have to eat something honey, your body needs food. How about Jell-O?” he asked.   “100% sugar added?” I asked.   “No, sugar free.” He laughed.   “Cherry?” I asked.   “Orange.”   “I don’t want it. I want blueberry pancakes. I have them every Friday.” I said stubbornly.   “Oh yea, who makes them for you?” he asked.   “Daniel makes them for me…where is he?” I asked softly. Dr. Pollum looked at me but didn’t answer. “Can I call him?” I asked.   “Um…no, you need your rest dear. Your breakfast will be here in a moment.” he said quietly as he walked out of the room.   His nurse followed behind him. I sat back in my bed and crossed my arms. I’m sick of sitting here. I got out of bed and peeked outside the door. My stomach is a little sore. The nurses’ desk is right there across from my room. But no one is sitting there. I quietly tiptoed over and grabbed the phone. I quickly dialed Daniels number and hid under the desk. It rung three times, but he didn’t answer. So I tried the house phone number. This time he picked up.   “Hello?” he asked.   He sounded sleep and sober. I didn’t respond to him.   “Helloo?” he asked again.   I just sat there, I just wanted to hear his voice again. Besides, I didn’t know what to say.   “Anybody there?”   “Daniel?” I finally said. He was quiet on the other end for a minute.   “Secret?” he asked excitedly.   I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he recognizes my voice.   “Where are you?” I asked him.   "At home. Where are you?" he asked me.   "At he hospital." I answered.   "You ok?" he asked concerned.   "Yea, I’m fine. Can you come get me? I wanna come home." I said feeling like a three year old.   There was a brief silence between us before he finally spoke.   "I don't think I can do that."   "Why not?" I asked curiously.   "Because...I just can't baby. I'm happy you're ok though."   "Well, can you come see me?" I asked.   "That's not really a good idea." he answered quietly. It got quiet again. "Hey look, I'll see you again later, just not now." He said trying to cheer me up.   "Oh, well I have to go. I’m not supposed to be on this phone." I said a little disappointed.   "Wait, did you see your mom?"   "Yeah, how'd you know?" I asked.   "She came by earlier."   "Oh, well bye. I got to go before I get caught." I said.   I started to hang up the phone but Daniels voice boomed through.   "Wait!" he said hesitantly. "I love you...I know I never showed it...or said it but... I do, I love you, Secret." and then he hung up the phone.   Surprised by his words, I slowly put the phone back on its receiver and snuck back into my room. I laid my head on the pillow and let his 3 words run in, out and all around me. "I love you." he said. Wonder what made him say that.   Tamar:   I'm kind of excited to see Miguel's studio. When we got there I wasn't really surprised to see the place full of beautiful paintings and drawings.   "I like this painting. What kind of paint is this?" I asked holding a big canvas board up with a night sky on it.   "It's not paint, its oil on canvas." he replied.   "Oh, my bad...still a painting." I said sarcastically. "Too many things to know about art."   "Yeah, I know. It's a lot going on with it." he laughed.   "Why you like it so much?" I asked.   "I can express my feelings this way. Good or bad, it shows through my art." He stated softly.   "Oh." was all I said. what else could I say?   "what about you?" he asked curiously.   "What do you mean?" I asked confused.   "You always ask about me. What's going on with you in your life?" he asked as he sipped his water bottle. I just looked at him. He paused his drinking.   "Besides our current situation." he said flatly before continuing to drink. I got quiet and looked down. When I looked up, Miguel was staring at me, expecting my answers.   “Well, as I told you before, work at a daycare , I'm a assistant.” I said nervously.   He sat down in a chair backwards and rested his arms on the top while nodding his head.   “I only work during the day.” I said taking a seat on another chair. “But I also do volunteer work at the rehab center at night time. When you get clean and volunteer, it gives you points…” I trailed off. Miguel looked interested but a tiny bit confused. “The points get you great benefits.”   “Like what?” he asked.   “Well, the points will turn into some type of value. Either cash or a item u might need.” I explained.   “What can you do to get em?” he asked eagerly. “You could help with paperwork or help plan family interventions. You can also clean around the building. Or if you recommend a patient or family, that could get you some, but not always.” I said.   “Why not?” he asked like a little kid.   “Because, why would you want to get an award for trying to help someone who needs it?” I asked getting a little serious.   “Understandable.” Was all he said at first. “How do you get items you want instead of money?” he asked suddenly.   “You make a wish list of things you want or need. If your counselor or any other staff that knows you, thinks you’ve been doing good, they can take a look at your list and give at least one of those things to you, using your points.” I explained.   “Sounds awesome.” He said looking into my eyes thoughtfully.   He massaged the side of his head with two fingers. Then he ran his fingers through his hair.   “Your head still hurts?” I asked.   He just looked up but didn’t answer. I walked over to him and massaged his head for him. Not trying anything sexual, just wanted to help. He looked up at me with his beautiful brown eyes. Like an innocent baby searching for something.   “You ok?” I asked.   “Yes, why’d you ask?” as he looked down.   “You had a weird look on your face.” I said softly.   “It’s nothing.” He said gently pushing my hands away. He stood up and walked to get his coat off the table.   “Miguel…” I said at a low tone, not wanting him to hear but wanting him to at the same time. He turned around facing me while putting on his long black leather trench coat.   “What time is Secret’s visit?” I asked avoiding what I really wanted to tell him .   “In about 30 minutes.” He said. “Why, you need something?” he asked.   “May I run to that store across the street? I wanna get her something.” I requested softly.   “Sure, we have time.” he as he opened the door.    I grabbed my red coat and headed out. His cell phone started to ring and he answered it. He hung it back up immediately. I guess no one was on it. We were outside in the fresh, cold, crisp air. His phone rang again.   “Lo siento.” He said to me as he answered.   “You can go ahead.” He suggested as he leaned against his car and began his conversation. I walked in the shop and looked around. A older man had come from the back room with a box.   “May I help you?” he asked not looking in my direction.   “Any suggestions for a 9 year old girl?” I asked with a smile.   “9 year old girl, huh?” he asked still not looking at me. “I think I might have something…” he said as he turned to look at me but stopped dead in his tracks.   He starred at me for a moment, like he was examining me or something.   “Is everything alright?” I asked.   "I’m fine. You just look familiar.” He said still eying me curiously. He walked over to a rack of girl clothes. “I’ve got some nice warm sweater dresses.” He said pointing to a red one to show it to me.   “It’s very cute.” I complimented.   He walked away and came back with a red pair of shoes. “These match.” He said smiling.   “Let’s try black.” I suggested. He shrugged his shoulders.   “Yeah, too much red.” He giggled.   When he went to get the shoes, Miguel had just walked in. “Everything ok?” he asked coming over.   “Yeah, you like this dress?” I asked.   “Si, it’s cute.” He said touching it.   “Think she’ll like it?” I asked curiously.   “I hope, she’s very unpredictable.” He answered.   “If she doesn’t, you can bring it back.” The man smiled. “And it’s free of charge.”   “That’s very kind of you, gracias.” Miguel thanked.   “You’re welcome.” He said with a smile.   “I need to get her some fresh clothes. “ I said as I spotted a cute little sweater on a different rack. I grabbed it and a pair of jeans off of a shelf.   “I’ll take these!” I said excitedly.   “Great.” He said taking the dress and shoes. He went to the counter and bagged them up. Miguel’s phone rang again. He looked at it and dismissed it quickly.   “Busy?” I asked.   “I don’t know who it is. Same number keeps calling, but no answer when I pick up.” He explained.   “That’s pretty strange.” I said with a twisted look.   “Yeah, I guess.” He said as he brushed it off. The man came back with our bags and handed them to me.   “Have a nice day.” He said with a smile.   Miguel took them from me. I looked at him with an observing look. He smiled.   “Just being a gentleman.”   “Your mother taught you well.” I said softly. He gave a half smile and looked down.   “Maybe we should get going.” He suggested.   “Oh you’re right.” I said walking towards the door.   “Come again.” The man smiled.   I waved at him as Miguel opened the car door for me. We got in the car and pulled off. This may sound a bit strange but I loved the smell of his car.   “You’re so clean.” I stated accidently out loud.   “What?” he asked with a slight giggle.   “Nothing.” I retreated swiftly.   “No, tell me.” He begged curiously. I took a deep breath and repeated myself.   “What you mean?” he asked half laughing.   “You’re clean. Your house, your car, you…” I trailed off. “Everything’s so clean.”   “Not my life.” He stated sharply.   It was quiet for a few minutes. I broke the silence with “I’m sorry.” He looked at me with a “For what?” face.   “I didn’t mean to put you through any of this.”   I said softly. “Through what?”  He asked.    I had a feeling he was playing dumb. Like he wanted me to admit that it was my fault.   “All of this.” I said playing with my hands. It’s kind of a nervous thing.   “I didn’t mean for you to find out about Secret, at least not this way.” I said softly, more to myself than to him.   He didn’t respond, he just kept driving and looking ahead.   “I’m sorry for putting this all on you. My plan was to get clean, get Secret and take her with me and try to rebuild our life together.” I stated.   “You thought it’d be that easy?” he asked with a mocking tone in his voice.   “It sounded simple in my mind.” I said sassily with my arms folded. I had felt offended.   There was an awkward silence between us and then the car was stopped by a red light. Still silent. Miguel turned on the radio. Good, I was feeling extremely uncomfortable.    We finally arrived at the hospital. As soon as he parked, I hopped out of the car. The tension in it felt like I was carrying a heavy ass kid on my shoulders. He got out too and caught up with me and grabbed my arm gently.   “Tamar…” he said softly. I didn’t look at him, I didn’t want to.  “Look, I didn’t mean anything by what I said.”   He said gently grabbing me by my chin to face him.    “It’s not your fault. My life wasn’t clean before you came anyway.” He said apologetically.    He looked at me with his beautiful eyes that seemed to say “I’m sorry.”   “It’s fine.” I said moving his hand away and walking towards the hospital doors. He caught up with me but didn’t say anything else.   When we got to the front desk, Miguel signed us in. The nurse gestured us into the waiting area with a few other people. I thought she was being completely rude. Her big head ass was on the phone and the conversation didn’t sound related to her job. People were trying to ask her questions and the sign up line was starting to get longer little by little. But the bitch paid close attention when Miguel walked back up to the desk to ask about the visit hold up. I walked up next to him just to see her reaction. Her face changed quickly and I couldn’t help but laugh to myself.   “Secret Stone?” she asked.   “Si, senorita.” Miguel answered.   She got on the phone again and I guess she called the doctor.   “They moved her from the room so it could be cleaned and prepared for the next patient. She’s been transported to a different unit since she’s getting better. She’s playing with the other kids in the play room. You’ll see her shortly.” She said aggravated and annoyed.   “Gracias.” He said politely.   She looked at me with a face. “Mhmm, you and your friend have a nice day.” She said with a fake smile. I just looked at her with a “Bitch, try again.” look. Miguel squeezed my arm gently and pulled me away. We sat down in the chairs and finally after a few moments, they called our names for Secret’s visit.  A nurse walked us towards a new room. Another nurse came running towards her and whispered something in her ear. She pointed towards a door.   “There’s Miss Secret’s door. I’m sorry, there’s an emergency.” She said walking off quickly. Miguel walked towards it eagerly but stopped by the door when he realized I wasn’t following him.   “What’s wrong?” he asked.   “I don’t want to go in.” I said flatly.   “Why not?”  He asked curiously. I didn’t respond.   “Tamar, it’ll be alright.” Miguel reassured.  I shook my head.   “No, how about you go in first. Then just come back and tell me how she’s doing.” He just looked at me for a minute so I gave him a serious look to let him I wasn’t joking.   “Ok..” he said opening the door.   Miguel:   I understand why Tamar didn’t want to go in, so I didn’t bug her about it. Secret was sitting on the bed watching TV.   “Hi sweetie.” I said softly. She looked at me and said hey. “You feeling better?” I asked.   “Yes, a lot better.” She answered softly.   “That’s real good.” I answered. There was an awkward tension in the room.   “Can I go home?” she asked.   “Yes, well if the doctor says you can.” I said trying to comfort her.    “I want Daniel.” She said quietly.   I couldn’t, and mostly, didn’t want to respond to that.   “When is the last time you saw him?” I asked hesitantly.   “Yesterday morning.” She said silently.  The doctor walked in.   “I want to go home to Daniel.”  She stated again.   “You can go home with your mother.” He offered.  “I don’t want to go home with her, I want to go home with Daniel.” She said stubbornly.   Tamar had just walked in and I’m quite sure she heard it.   “But, you can’t.”  he said sympathetically.   “Why not, he’s my dad.” She said. I swear my heart stopped at that moment.   “We’re going to have to tell her eventually.” I interrupted.    Tamar had this frightened look on her face.   “Tell me what?” Secret asked.   "Can you leave the room?" Tamar asked the Nurse.   "Of course, I'll be back in a few." he responded.   “Well…” I paused. Not exactly sure on how I should break the news.   “Daniel…he did a bad thing. He hurt you, he and Sheila both.” I tried to explain.   “They poisoned your food and tried to kill you. We have to keep him from you…for your own safety."   She didn’t have a reaction to the news. She simply sat there as if we had told her nothing at all. Neither her facial expression nor her body language moved a muscle.    “Secret, did you hear us? Do you understand?” I asked.   “Yes.” Was all she said.   “You’ll be able to leave in about an hour.” The Doctor popped in and told her. “I’ll get the discharge papers.” He said to Tamar as he left the room again.   My phone rang again. Same number so I just let it ring.   “Can I go back to the play room?” Secret asked.   “Ask your mother.” I said trying to put Tamar in control a little bit.   Tamar looked at me like I was crazy…and so did Secret. There was an awkward silence and heavy tension in the room. My phone rang again. It gave me a perfect excuse to leave; I didn’t really want to stay in there.   “I’m going to take this.” I said gratefully.   I was trying to leave out but Tamar grabbed my arm secretly and looked at me as if we weren’t going to see each other again. I lightly touched her arm to reassure her. She looked at Secret and then back to me and then let me go. I waited outside the door and answered the phone. Nothing.  I stayed on longer to see if anyone would speak but all I got was a dial tone, so I hung up.   A few seconds later Secret walked out the room and walked right past me. She didn’t say anything to me and went on her way. Tamar stood next to me.   “How’d it go?” I asked.   “It was just an awkward silence. We didn’t speak.” She said softly.   “So, you just let her walk out the room?” I asked not surprised.    “Look, she’s been through enough for now, she doesn’t need anyone chastising her.” She said sternly.   “You cannot be afraid of her.” I said unfolding my arms and walking away.   She followed behind quickly and grabbed my arm to stop me.   “I am not afraid of her.” She said forcefully.   “Prove it. Go tell her to come back then. You did not give her permission to leave.”  I suggested.   “Fine, I will.” She said as she walked off quickly around the corner.   She came back a few seconds later….Secret less.    “Well, where is she?” I asked in a mocking tone.   “I couldn’t do it.” She said simply.   “Right.” I said with a smile.   “I’m not scared of her exactly; I’m more afraid of what she’ll say… words hurt.” She explained.   At first, I really didn’t have a comment for that, only because she was right.   “Secret can be a little aggressive sometimes, but it’s only because she is hurt.”  I tried to tell her.   She didn’t reply. She just stared off in space.   “I know it’s my fault. Don’t have to rub it in.” she said folding her arms and looking down.         I walked away towards her Secrets room but then stopped in my tracks.   "Maybe you should help her get dressed, I'll pack her things." I said softly continuing on my way.   I walked inside and there was a nurse inside looking at the files hanging on the wall and writing things down on her clipboard.   “Excuse me, senorita, but is it really safe for Secret to leave the hospital?” I asked all of a sudden concerned.   She did almost die...and she did only spend one night in the hospital. Just a remarkable miracle I suppose. Thank God.   “Absolutely fine. We had to pump out nearly half of her little body.” She laughed jokingly.    She had orangey brown hair and a southern accent. Not too strong, but enough to notice. I just looked at her with an uncomfortable grimace. She saw my disapproval and slowly stopped.   “Don’t worry about her hun, she’ll be fine. She’ll maybe throw up a little bit later, but she’s fine.” She said with a smile and walked out of the room.   I gathered some of her things the hospital gave her and packed them into a suitcase I had brought from home. She didn’t really have clothes, except the hospital gown and the clothes she wore here. I hope she likes the dress Tamar bought her. Chapter Five: Bitterness    Tamar:     I know I have to fix everything. I know I messed up. I know it’s my fault. I know she hates me. But she’s gonna have to work with me. I’m here now and I’m not leaving. I followed her to where she walked and she led me to this play room. There were sick kids playing with toys or each other and some reading. I saw Secret and she wasn’t doing anything. She was sitting on the floor in a corner: Staring into space, like she was thinking or something. I stood by the door and rested my head on the frame. Looking and observing everything. Some of these kids looked really sick, more than they acted. Some of them were very young. I walked in slowly and walked towards Secret. I tried calling her name but she didn’t respond. I sat down on the floor next to her and tapped her. She jumped a little and looked at me.   “You ok?” I asked a little concerned.   She just looked at me for a minute and nodded her head. I didn’t say anything for a few seconds.   “Well, it’s almost time to go home.” I said softly.   “Home..?” she asked. It was really low, like a murmur, and seemed like she was asking herself more than she was asking me.   “Yes baby…home.” I repeated. “You have to stay with me. I can take care of you now…at least better than I ever could.” I hung my head with slight shame and confidence. She didn’t respond to me. “You ready?”   She nodded her head. I stood up and reached my hand out to her. After a few seconds of staring at it, she stood up but didn’t take my hand. But she let me place my hands on her shoulders and walk back to her room. Miguel had just finished putting her things in the suitcase he had brought from home. I looked in the plastic bag for the new shirt and jeans I bought her.   “Here, sweetie, go and change in the bathroom.” I said handing her the clothes. She took them reluctantly, but gratefully and sniffed them, before going into the bathroom.   “Well, that went well.” Miguel smiled proudly.   I smiled back but I didn’t say anything. The doctor came in with the release papers and Miguel took them to sign.   “Mr., Rodriguez, the parent has to sign them.” Miguel looked up at him and then to me before handing me the papers.   “Parent has to sign.” He repeated staring at me.   I almost snatched them and smiled. After I signed it, I gave them back to the doctor.   “Great, all good to go!” He smiled. He shook both our hands and told me “Good luck.” I smiled faintly and nodded.   “Thanks.”   He left the room and there was an awkward silence. Then Miguel broke it.   “So, where are you going to stay?” he asked eagerly.   “Well, I’ll wait a few days before going back home.” I answered.   “We might stay in a motel.”   “You could stay with me.” He offered genuinely. “Miguel we can’t. You said till Secret got out.” I explained while fixing and straightening up the room nervously.   “Besides, she doesn’t know about you. You know how strange it would be to her if she and her mother stayed with the teacher?” I asked finding a good argument to turn him down.   “Oh, yea you’re right.” He said disappointedly.   “So…when do you plan on telling her?” he asked.   “I…I don’t know Miguel...I honestly don’t.” I answered softly.   When I looked up at him, he looked heartbroken.   “Well, how do you think we should tell her?” I asked.   “I don’t know yet, but Tamar I can’t just sit in the background.” I didn’t respond. “I want to be there for her.”   “So do I.” I said looking at him. He didn't respond and there was a briefe silence. “How about Christmas?” I asked in a low voice.   He looked up as if he were thinking about it. “Great.” He smiled.   I smiled back and stepped away quickly. I didn’t want to end up kissing him.   Secret finally emerged from the bathroom and just looked at us.   “Hey, I was um just talking to your mother.” He said slickly. There was another awkward silence.   “You ready?” I asked her. She just looked at me and then nodded her head slowly.   “Where’s your coat?” I asked.   “It’s at home.” She said softly.   “Home?” I repeated to myself.   “She didn’t have her coat with her when she came to school.” Miguel answered.   “Oh…” was all I said while looking at her.   Who was going to get Secret’s stuff from home? What if Daniel and that girl were still there? I took my coat off and gently put it on Secret. She didn’t push me away, she just kept looking at me. It was like she was looking for something in my eyes. Miguel grabbed her bag and walked out behind us to the parking lot. The cold air brushed my face harshly as the wind zipped past like it was trying to win an neverending race.   Miguel popped his trunk and placed the bag in as I helped Secret settle in the car. Her stomach is still sore, so it hurts for her to lift up or bend. Her doctor said that any kind of pressure on her stomach isn’t good for her. She winced as I tried helping her get in his truck. We drove to the nearest hotel that we could find. I went inside first and paid for at least three days. Miguel tried to give me money before I got out, but I refused. The man at the counter wore a raggedy wife beater with yellowy brown sweat stains under his arms that showcased his big round belly. He looked to be in his late forties, and he was badly in need for a shave. All the hair on his body was grey and black.   “That’ll be 120.” He said flatly. I handed him the money and went upstairs to check out the room.   I opened the door and looked around. It had a small coffee table and two beds. There was a TV and a small bathroom. An air conditioner was on the wall and a small window overlooking the parking lot.   “I guess it’ll do…” I said out loud to myself.   I went back downstairs and ran into the man from the counter. We just looked at eachother for a minute before I hurriedly walked past him. Miguel had gotten out of the car already and took Secret’s bag out of the trunk.   “I’ll bring your suitcase and things back tonight.” He said to me in a whisper so Secret wouldn’t hear.   I nodded and went around to help Secret get out of the car. She was sound asleep. I tried my best to gently pick her up so I wouldn't hurt her, but I think I did anyway. She moaned painfully when I put her in my arms.   “She ok?” Miguel asked.   “Yes, I got her.” I replied.   I lead Miguel inside the hotel and up to our room. The man at the counter was staring at us as we disappeared around the corner and up the stairs.   “Why the hell is he looking at us?” Miguel whispered.   “I don't know, ignore it.” I whispered back. We got in front of our room, 2A, and I softly kicked the door I had left ajar, open.   “Well, I don't like him.” Miguel said softly as he set the suitcase against the door.   “Well, Miguel, just forget about it.” I said almost laughing. “Can you help me?” I asked gesturing to the bed.   He moved the extra pillow out of the way and moved the covers back. I gently laid Secret down on her back and watched her for a minute. I sat on the bed next to her and took her shoes off. Then I placed the covers over her and tucked her in.   “I don't want to take her clothes off. She can do it herself...I don’t want to hurt her.” I said softly out loud.   “I’ll go get your stuff for you now, while she’s still asleep.” He whispered walking towards the door.   I turned to Miguel and thanked him.   “De nada.” he smiled as he left the room.   Miguel:   I walked back down the stairs to the main floor. This hotel was nowhere near fancy. Very cheap and tacky. The lights in the halls were either out, dim or flickering. But most of all, I didn’t like the man at the counter. I wish they could’ve stayed with me, but I know Tamar wouldn’t allow it. I got to my car and started to get in but stopped when I noticed the man at the counter staring at me. We glared at each other uncomfortably before he finally looked away.   I got in and drove halfway home before being stopped by a red light. I rested my head on the steering wheel and let out an exhausted sigh. A loud horn honked and shook me out of my daze. When I arrived home, I opened the door and my little dog came towards me. I picked him up and sat on the couch. I looked around the empty house and for the first time, felt a sense of loneliness. “I’m not lonely, am I?” I asked my dog. He looked at me as if he had understood my question. I laughed and set him on the ground.   I went upstairs to grab Tamar’s things. She had already packed them. I put the bag into my trunk and drove off to get them to Tamar. I called her beforehand to let her know I was coming. She was already downstairs when I pulled up. I pulled the bag out of the trunk and set it on the ground. Tamar came around and grabbed it as I was closing the trunk.   “It’s alright, I got it.” I said as I took it from her hands.   She smiled and nodded in approval. She held the doors open for me until we got to her room. I set the bag down by the door.   “Thanks for everything Miguel.” She said softly as she hugged me. She backed off and started playing with her fingers. She always does that when she’s nervous.   “It’s alright.” I felt like I had to do something. This is my child and her mother here.   “Well goodnight.” I said trying to break the awkward silence.   I started to go for the door but something was on my mind.   “Tamar, I’m sorry for last night. I know I was not being easy to work with.” I apologized.   “It’s fine Miguel. I understand.” She smiled.   “Tamar…did we?” I asked embarrassed.   She looked at me with a puzzled face.   “I know that I was drunk and I only remember so much. I thought we did but I didn’t wake up next to you like we used to She just looked at me and didn’t respond.   “Did we?” I asked now playing with my fingers.   “Did you want us to?” she answered.   “Don’t’ answer with a question.” I said amused.   She gently pushed me towards the door.   “Tamar, please?” I begged.   “If you don’t remember, then why does it matter?” she smiled.   She had a point.   “Tamar…” I said with sigh.   “Fine. No, we didn’t.”   “You lie.” I said unsure of myself. She started to laugh.   “I’m serious,” she said trying to catch her breath.   “I mean, we fooled around a lot , but we never touched.” She said sweetly.   “Really?” I asked a tiny bit surprised.   “Honest to God truth.” She responded before pushing me into the hall. “Goodnight.” She smiled as she closed the door.   Damn, no love? I asked myself. A part of me was a little relieved, but the rest was a little disappointed. I’m not exactly sure why...maybe because deep down inside, I wanted to. I wanted her, I had to admit. I walked back down the stairs to my car and got in, relaxing myself as I drove home. I started to think about Leelah, I haven’t talked to her since she left the hospital. I wonder how she’s doing. But it’s late, I’ll call her later. As I pulled into my driveway, I turned off the car and soaked in the events of today. I feel like I have different emotions and motives.   A part of me wants to be the family man that I never had, and to take care of my responsibilities. And the other, feels like maybe I should just back out and let Tamar and Secret leave and live their lives their own way. Maybe it would be for the best. But I can’t, I will not allow myself to abandon her…or them? I'm confusing myself. I opened the door and hung up my coat on the coat rack. That’s funny…I don’t remember leaving my living room light on. I swear I turned it off, right before I left.   I looked around my surroundings to see if anything else was out of place. I didn’t see anything yet, until I noticed that my smaller dog was outside. He was inside the first time I came back, but I had never put him out…did I? I dismissed the idea and jogged upstairs to check the rest of the house to see if other things were out of place, but there was nothing. Maybe I’m mistaken. Maybe things have finally taken their toll on me, I laughed to myself. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked around once more before heading back downstairs.   When I got to the bottom, there was a man standing near my glass sliding door. He locked his eyes with mine and a gentle smile curled upon his face. It was sort of an unreadable expression, so I couldn’t tell of his intentions. He seemed very unmoved by the fact that I had caught him inside my house uninvited. In fact, he looked as though he were enjoying it.   “Didn’t your mother ever teach you to lock your front door?” He giggled.   “Who are you? What do you want?" I asked feeling myself slowly growing defensive but remaining calm.   His hair was black and shorter than mines. He had facial hair that was cleaned up very nicely. So, I could tell that he wasn't a bum...I think.   “I just wanted to say Hola to you.” He said smiling.   “Ok, Hola, now get out.” I said sternly.   “C’mon, you really don’t remember me?” he said walking closer.   “Stop, you stay there. Don’t come any closer” I said backing away a little bit.   He stopped and gave me a puzzled look.   “Oh, really? I can’t give love to my own familia?” he asked laughing.   Family? He can speak Spanish? Who the hell is this?   “Lo siento señor, pero no te conozco.” He looked at me confused.   I guess he doesn’t speak Spanish.   “I’m sorry, but I don’t know you.” I repeated in English.   “No, I understood you. I just don’t understand how could you not recognize your own hermano, your brother?” He said with a disbelieved scoff.   Brother?   “C’mon Miguelito, don’t tell me that you don’t know me.” He said Coming closer.   Miguelito? I haven’t heard that name in so long, only close family called me that.  The name brought back so many memories instantly.   “Enrique?” I questioned, not really wanting to believe him.   “Hola, baby brother. Miss me?” he asked coming over to hug me. I didn’t really embrace him back.   “It’s good to see you Miguelito, been a very long time.” I just looked at him.   “Yea, try 25 years.” I corrected flatly.   “Well, I’ve been trying to call you.” He admitted nervously.   “So, that was you? Calling here and not answering?” I asked.   “Sí, the calls kept dropping during my flight.”    “I see. Well, what do you want?” I asked.   “I told you, I wanted to say hello.” he answered.   “Hello. Now leave.” I said pointing to the door.   “Really, you are going to put your own family out?” he asked amused.   “I have no family.” I stated flatly.   “You do realize I have feelings, don't you? C'mon Miguelito, don't be like that.”  he sarcastically.   “Stop calling me that!” I snapped.   ”You are not welcome here. Vete, go away.”   “I see...,” He said thinking. “You still don't forgive me for leaving you and mother, do you?”   “Exactly. Now get out.” I repeated.   “Miguel, that was so long ago.” he said. I said nothing. “I see a grudge has traveled for many years.”   “You promised me.” I said slowly remembering.   “Miguel, you're a grown man now, get over it.” he said flatly while walking over to my sink. “Where do you keep your glasses?” He asked looking through my cabinets.   “Yea, you're right...but I wasn't a grown man when you made the promise.” I said standing with my arms folded.   He got a glass and turned around to look at me. “Look, you're right. I'm sorry.” he said defeated.   “You never came back. You didn't tell mama where you were going, and you made me promise not to tell her that you were leaving. In exchange you were gonna come back for us, but you didn't, you never came back.”    “All is forgiven.” He stated as he drank from the glass.   “No its not.” I said surprised with his audacity.   “Well, reality had to hit you sooner or later. I just taught you an early lesson, that's all.” he replied.   I gave him a confused look. He laughed. “About liars Miguelito.”   I shook my head in disbelief. “You're an asshole.”   He looked at me with amusement.   “Well, you don't have to call me names. At least you know now.” he laughed .   “I really should just kick your ass, that's what I should do.” I said shaking my head and walking towards the bathroom mirror.   “Yea you probably should but, you won't.” he called after me mockingly.   His words pissed me off a little.   “What?” I asked provoking him as I walked out of the bathroom.   “You'll just recoil in fear like you've always have.” he said taking another sip from the glass. “I used to win every fight we had.” He laughed.   “I'm not a little kid anymore. I could hurt you.” I said reassuring him.   “Prove it then.” He said setting the glass down.  “C'mon, you've got all this anger and resentment towards me. Let it out. Strike a punch.” he said smiling while coming close to me and pointing at himself.   I stared at him but I didn't move.   “Like I thought. You've always had a sort of weakness in you Miguelito.” He laughed as he turned his back.   I grabbed his shoulder and turned his body to face me before I punched him across the face. He stumbled back and fell to the ground.   “Get out of my damn house.” I said as I looked down on him before walking away.   He got up, laughed and jumped on my back. Does he think this is a game? I tossed him off and threw a few more punches. He tried to punch me, but missed. I tried to punch him, and missed too. I lost my way and he put me in a head lock. I elbowed him in his stomach so he could release his grip. I tackled him but he grabbed me at the same time causing us both to  fall onto the small coffee table and break it.   We didn't move after that. We both laid there in the debris of wood, plastic and glass as our heavy breathing mixed with the feeling of our own pains.   “You broke my vase.” I said holding my arm over my face to cover my eyes, exhausted.   Enrique started to laugh.   “The hell are you laughing at?” I asked out of breath.   “You.” He groaned as he sat up and continued to laugh. “You have father's temper....and his strength too.” he said massaging his neck. “The hell did that come from you soft son of a bitch?” He asked while laughing.   I looked at him while still lying down, as I too couldn't help but laugh.   “I hate you.” I said trying to catch my breath.   “Love you too Miguelito, Love you too.” he said gently hitting my stomach.   I smiled as I sat up, leveled with him. We both looked around our surroundings and each other.   “Look at us.” Enrique said as he plucked a small piece of wood from my hair.   “I know.” I said flatly.   “I'm sorry, man. A promise is a promise, and it's one I intend to keep.” he said thoughtfully.   “Well, it’s a little late for that.” I said standing and helping him up.   “Gracias.” he thanked. “But that's the real reason  why I came by.” I looked at him confused as I started picking up the pieces of garbage. “I uh, came to invite you to our first family reunion…back in Mexico.” he said helping me.   “Reunion? What reunion?” I asked.   “The family has decided to get back together. All is forgiven.”   “What do you mean?”   “Well, I had finally found mama and papa years ago. Remember after that real long drought, it started to rain suddenly?” he asked excited.   I nodded in agreement. “Yea, I remember father locking me out in it for an hour until mother let me in.”   His smile faded and he looked down.   “Well the vineyard's soil finally refurbished after those months of heavy rain. A year later, the grape vine roots started to grow. Two springs later and the grapes blossomed in sweet delicious bulbs. Money was finally flowing within our family's pockets.” He said softly, dismissing my statement.   “Well that's nice.” I said picking up the broken vase pieces. “When is it?”   “That depends.”   “On what?”   “If you will you come.”   “Why?” I asked.   “Because if you won’t come then why does it matter?”   “Enrique….” I said a little annoyed. “Just tell me.”   “Fine, It’s in March. Will you come?”     “I doubt it.” I said sternly.   “Why not, everyone wants to see you.”   “I don’t think I want to see any of them.”   “why?”   “I’m….I’m not ready. I’m not ready to face the past.” I said admittedly.   “Oh, I see.” He said a little disappointed. He grabbed his coat and put it on. He grabbed his suitcases that he hid outside where the dogs were.   “Well I hope you change your mind little brother.”   “Where are you going?” I asked.   “Well, I’m leaving.” He laughed.   I walked over and took the suitcases from him and gestured with a slight nod upstairs. He Smiled at me as he followed me upstairs. I gave him the room that Tamar had stayed in.   “So, this means I can stay?” he asked chuckling.   “Don’t flatter yourself.” I said as I set the suitcases down.   “It’s alright, I won’t be staying long. I have to get back soon for work.”   “What do you do?” I asked curiously.   “I’m the head construction manager in New Jersey. How about you?”   “I’m an elementary school teacher.”   “You like teaching snot nosed little runts?” he asked chuckling.   “Yea, just as much as you like getting dirt under your fingernails and dust in your ass.” I replied dryly.   He started to laugh. “Ah, you’re alright Miguelito.” He said as he patted me hard on the back. “You’re alright.”   I looked at him with a little touch of doubt. A part of me didn't want to believe him and felt a sense of mistrust. Like something about him, or something about his whole reason being here was a lie. But for now, I put my doubts aside, just to let the wound of a broken childhood heal, enough for me to admit to myself that I missed my stupid hermano--my brother.   Tamar:   Dear Diary, It's 10 A.M. and I don't know how to feel. I feel so relieved and scared and everything in between. I cried in the bathroom last night after Miguel left for an hour and a half. But for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I was crying. Was I sad? Was I happy? Am I scared? I don't know. I didn't think this far ahead. I look and check on Secret almost every five minutes. Maybe I'm just paranoid, I don't know. I feel like I have to though. I'm hoping she will grow to love me as much as I love her. I don't think she understands my circumstance just yet. But hopefully she will.    My cell phone rang unexpectedly and I jumped. I answered it quickly so it wouldn't wake Secret. She shifted slightly in her sleep. I took a nice relieved breath because I wasn't ready for her to wake up. I don't know what I would say to her. I hadn't thought I would get this far ahead. And to be honest, I'm a bit overwhelmed. "Hello?" I answered looking back over my shoulder towards Secret. "Hey, Tamar? It's Miguel, how are you?"   "I'm fine, thanks." "And Secret? Is she ok?" He asked concerned. "Yes. She's fine too...we're both fine thank you Miguel." I said as I smiled warmly.   There was an awkward silence for a moment. "Hello?" I asked uncertain if he was still there. "Yes, I'm sorry. I...I uhh...I called to ask if you and Secret...would like to come to breakfast with me...this morning?" He asked hesitantly. "Um, hold on ok?"   I turned around to look over at Secret who was already sitting up on the bed looking at me. I didn't have anything to say so we stared blankly at early other for a second.   "Good morning." I said awkwardly. Nothing.   "How you feeling baby?"   Still nothing.   "Your teacher asked us to breakfast. I didn't want to say yes without your permission first...see if you were feeling better?"   She looked at me with a face I can't explain. Not intimidating like normal but it was weird.   "What do you say? I could use a bite, how about yourself?"   Nothing came from her but the sound of her growling stomach.   "I'll take that as a yes?" I asked with a smile.   She nodded slowly and climbed off the bed and walked towards the bathroom.   "Hello?" I asked getting back on phone. "Oh Hi, how about it?" He asked with nervousness. "We'll come." I smiled. "Great! I'll be there in an hour and 30 minutes!" He said with eager excitement. "Ok cool, we should be ready." I smiled. "Ok, bye." He giggled. "Bye."   Secret emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. She stood in the doorway of the bathroom and stared at me.   "How you doin baby? Feelin ok?" I asked nervously. She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the floor.   "Good dreams?" I asked.   She shook her head as she silently played with the door frame.   "Oh..." I said not able to think of anything else. "I did." I said trying to keep the one sided conversation going. "Wanna know what it was about?" I said walking over to the bed i slept on.   She looked up interested, but she didn't answer.   "I'll tell you if you come and sit with me."    She hesitated for a moment and then slowly walked over and sat on the far end of the bed away from me. I looked down at my feet trying to think of a way to make this dream up. I kinda wished that she would come closer, but at the same time I was a bit relieved she didn't. I would want to touch her and I don't think she'll let me. I just started to say whatever came to mind.   "I had a dream...that this woman, she was lost in space. She wasn't really lost but she still couldn't see anything. She couldn't see the three things she needed to see. They were really important for her, kind of like far friends, but at the time she didn't know that.They had names too, did you know that?" I asked. She shook her head no.    "Their names were Hopes, Dreams, and Responsibilities. Kinda weird names huh?" I giggled softly. "Hopes was the strongest one of all of them. They tried so so hard to protect and guide her the best way they could to keep her from falling. But then one day, she slipped anyway. They tried to hold on to her but she still fell. Hope tried to grab onto her before she hit the floor but she couldn't. The woman was ok, because someone helped her up...but, it wasn't her three friends like she thought. It was three others, who were lurking in the background of her life, waiting to get a chance to lend out their hands. They had names too."   "Their names were Despair, Darkness and Failure. The woman reached out her hand to them to help her up, she didn't know any better. She just wanted to get up. Despair, the strongest, swooped down and hoisted her off the ground into his arms. Hopes tried her best to take the woman out of his arms but darkness flew over and surrounded her until she couldn't see. Failure launched its arms through  Dreams and shattered her into pieces.  Responsibilities, scared of her              Text: Heaven Evette Creater Images: Google images/ Heaven Evette Creater Editing: Heaven Evette Creater Translation: Heaven Evette Creater All rights reserved. Publication Date: October 23rd 2017 https://www.bookrix.com/-bookluver1998

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-friedrich-schiller-don-carlos/

Friedrich Schiller Don Carlos PHILIP THE SECOND, King of Spain. DON CARLOS, Prince, Son of Philip. ALEXANDER FARNESE, Prince of Parma. MARQUIS DE POSA. DUKE OF ALVA. Grandees of Spain: COUNT LERMA, Colonel of the Body Guard, DUKE OF FERIA, Knight of the Golden Fleece, DUKE OF MEDINA SIDONIA, Admiral, DON RAIMOND DE TAXIS, Postmaster-General, DOMINGO, Confessor to the King. GRAND INQUISITOR of Spain. PRIOR of a Carthusian Convent. PAGE of the Queen. DON LOUIS MERCADO, Physician to the Queen. ELIZABETH DE VALOIS, Queen of Spain. INFANTA CLARA FARNESE, a Child three years of age. DUCHESS D'OLIVAREZ, Principal Attendant on the Queen. Ladies Attendant on the Queen: MARCHIONESS DE MONDECAR, PRINCESS EBOLI, COUNTESS FUENTES, Several Ladies, Nobles, Pages, Officers of the Body-Guard, and mute Characters. ACT I. SCENE I. The Royal Gardens in Aranjuez. CARLOS and DOMINGO. DOMINGO. Our pleasant sojourn in Aranjuez Is over now, and yet your highness quits These joyous scenes no happier than before. Our visit hath been fruitless. Oh, my prince, Break this mysterious and gloomy silence! Open your heart to your own father's heart! A monarch never can too dearly buy The peace of his own son - his only son. [CARLOS looks on the ground in silence. Is there one dearest wish that bounteous Heaven Hath e'er withheld from her most favored child? I stood beside, when in Toledo's walls The lofty Charles received his vassals' homage, When conquered princes thronged to kiss his hand, And there at once six mighty kingdoms fell In fealty at his feet: I stood and marked The young, proud blood mount to his glowing cheek, I saw his bosom swell with high resolves, His eye, all radiant with triumphant pride, Flash through the assembled throng; and that same eye Confessed, "Now am I wholly satisfied!" [CARLOS turns away. This silent sorrow, which for eight long moons Hath hung its shadows, prince, upon your brow - The mystery of the court, the nation's grief - Hath cost your father many a sleepless night, And many a tear of anguish to your mother. CARLOS (turning hastily round). My mother! Grant, O heaven, I may forget How she became my mother! DOMINGO. Gracious prince! CARLOS (passing his hands thoughtfully over his brow). Alas! alas! a fruitful source of woe Have mothers been to me. My youngest act, When first these eyes beheld the light of day, Destroyed a mother. DOMINGO. Is it possible That this reproach disturbs your conscience, prince? CARLOS. And my new mother! Hath she not already Cost me my father's heart? Scarce loved at best. My claim to some small favor lay in this - I was his only child! 'Tis over! She Hath blest him with a daughter - and who knows What slumbering ills the future hath in store? DOMINGO. You jest, my prince. All Spain adores its queen. Shall it be thought that you, of all the world, Alone should view her with the eyes of hate - Gaze on her charms, and yet be coldly wise? How, prince? The loveliest lady of her time, A queen withal, and once your own betrothed? No, no, impossible - it cannot be! Where all men love, you surely cannot hate. Carlos could never so belie himself. I prithee, prince, take heed she do not learn That she hath lost her son's regard. The news Would pain her deeply. CARLOS. Ay, sir! think you so? DOMINGO. Your highness doubtless will remember how, At the late tournament in Saragossa, A lance's splinter struck our gracious sire. The queen, attended by her ladies, sat High in the centre gallery of the palace, And looked upon the fight. A cry arose, "The king! he bleeds!" Soon through the general din, A rising murmur strikes upon her ear. "The prince - the prince!" she cries, and forward rushed, As though to leap down from the balcony, When a voice answered, "No, the king himself!" "Then send for his physicians!" she replied, And straight regained her former self-composure. [After a short pause. But you seem wrapped in thought? CARLOS. In wonder, sir, That the king's merry confessor should own So rare a skill in the romancer's art. [Austerely. Yet have I heard it said that those Who watch men's looks and carry tales about, Have done more mischief in this world of ours Than the assassin's knife, or poisoned bowl. Your labor, Sir, hath been but ill-bestowed; Would you win thanks, go seek them of the king. DOMINGO. This caution, prince, is wise. Be circumspect With men - but not with every man alike. Repel not friends and hypocrites together; I mean you well, believe me! CARLOS. Say you so? Let not my father mark it, then, or else Farewell your hopes forever of the purple. DOMINGO (starts). CARLOS. How! CARLOS. Even so! Hath he not promised you The earliest purple in the gift of Spain? DOMINGO. You mock me, prince! CARLOS. Nay! Heaven forefend, that I Should mock that awful man whose fateful lips Can doom my father or to heaven or hell! DOMINGO. I dare not, prince, presume to penetrate The sacred mystery of your secret grief, Yet I implore your highness to remember That, for a conscience ill at ease, the church Hath opened an asylum, of which kings Hold not the key - where even crimes are purged Beneath the holy sacramental seal. You know my meaning, prince - I've said enough. CARLOS. No! be it, never said, I tempted so The keeper of that seal. DOMINGO. Prince, this mistrust - You wrong the most devoted of your servants. CARLOS. Then give me up at once without a thought Thou art a holy man - the world knows that - But, to speak plain, too zealous far for me. The road to Peter's chair is long and rough, And too much knowledge might encumber you. Go, tell this to the king, who sent thee hither! DOMINGO. Who sent me hither? CARLOS. Ay! Those were my words. Too well-too well, I know, that I'm betrayed, Slandered on every hand - that at this court A hundred eyes are hired to watch my steps. I know, that royal Philip to his slaves Hath sold his only son, and every wretch, Who takes account of each half-uttered word, Receives such princely guerdon as was ne'er Bestowed on deeds of honor, Oh, I know But hush! - no more of that! My heart will else O'erflow and I've already said too much. DOMINGO. The king is minded, ere the set of sun, To reach Madrid: I see the court is mustering. Have I permission, prince? CARLOS. I'll follow straight. [Exit DOMINGO. CARLOS (after a short silence). O wretched Philip! wretched as thy son! Soon shall thy bosom bleed at every pore, Torn by suspicion's poisonous serpent fang. Thy fell sagacity full soon shall pierce The fatal secret it is bent to know, And thou wilt madden, when it breaks upon thee! SCENE II. CARLOS, MARQUIS OF POSA. CARLOS. Lo! Who comes here? 'Tis he! O ye kind heavens, My Roderigo! MARQUIS. Carlos! CARLOS. Can it be? And is it truly thou? O yes, it is! I press thee to my bosom, and I feel Thy throbbing heart beat wildly 'gainst mine own. And now all's well again. In this embrace My sick, sad heart is comforted. I hang Upon my Roderigo's neck! MARQUIS. Thy heart! Thy sick sad heart! And what is well again What needeth to be well? Thy words amaze me. CARLOS. What brings thee back so suddenly from Brussels? Whom must I thank for this most glad surprise? And dare I ask? Whom should I thank but thee, Thou gracious and all bounteous Providence? Forgive me, heaven! if joy hath crazed my brain. Thou knewest no angel watched at Carlos' side, And sent me this! And yet I ask who sent him. MARQUIS. Pardon, dear prince, if I can only meet With wonder these tumultuous ecstacies. Not thus I looked to find Don Philip's son. A hectic red burns on your pallid cheek, And your lips quiver with a feverish heat. What must I think, dear prince? No more I see The youth of lion heart, to whom I come The envoy of a brave and suffering people. For now I stand not here as Roderigo - Not as the playmate of the stripling Carlos - But, as the deputy of all mankind, I clasp thee thus: - 'tis Flanders that clings here Around thy neck, appealing with my tears To thee for succor in her bitter need. This land is lost, this land so dear to thee, If Alva, bigotry's relentless tool, Advance on Brussels with his Spanish laws. This noble country's last faint hope depends On thee, loved scion of imperial Charles! And, should thy noble heart forget to beat In human nature's cause, Flanders is lost! CARLOS. Then it is lost. MARQUIS. What do I hear? Alas! CARLOS. Thou speakest of times that long have passed away. I, too, have had my visions of a Carlos, Whose cheek would fire at freedom's glorious name, But he, alas! has long been in his grave. He, thou seest here, no longer is that Carlos, Who took his leave of thee in Alcala, Who in the fervor of a youthful heart, Resolved, at some no distant time, to wake The golden age in Spain! Oh, the conceit, Though but a child's, was yet divinely fair! Those dreams are past! MARQUIS. Said you, those dreams, my prince! And were they only dreams? CARLOS. Oh, let me weep, Upon thy bosom weep these burning tears, My only friend! Not one have I - not one - In the wide circuit of this earth, - not one Far as the sceptre of my sire extends, Far as the navies bear the flag of Spain, There is no spot - none - none, where I dare yield An outlet to my tears, save only this. I charge thee, Roderigo! Oh, by all The hopes we both do entertain of heaven, Cast me not off from thee, my friend, my friend! [POSA bends over him in silent emotion. Look on me, Posa, as an orphan child, Found near the throne, and nurtured by thy love. Indeed, I know not what a father is. I am a monarch's son. Oh, were it so, As my heart tells me that it surely is, That thou from millions hast been chosen out To comprehend my being; if it be true, That all-creating nature has designed In me to reproduce a Roderigo, And on the morning of our life attuned Our souls' soft concords to the selfsame key; If one poor tear, which gives my heart relief, To thee were dearer than my father's favor - - MARQUIS. Oh, it is dearer far than all the world! CARLOS. I'm fallen so low, have grown so poor withal, I must recall to thee our childhood's years, - Must ask thee payment of a debt incurred When thou and I were scarce to boyhood grown. Dost thou remember, how we grew together, Two daring youths, like brothers, side by side? I had no sorrow but to see myself Eclipsed by thy bright genius. So I vowed, Since I might never cope with thee in power, That I would love thee with excess of love. Then with a thousand shows of tenderness, And warm affection, I besieged thy heart, Which cold and proudly still repulsed them all. Oft have I stood, and - yet thou sawest it never Hot bitter tear-drops brimming in mine eyes, When I have marked thee, passing me unheeded, Fold to thy bosom youths of humbler birth. "Why only these?" in anguish, once I asked - "Am I not kind and good to thee as they?" But dropping on thy knees, thine answer came, With an unloving look of cold reserve, "This is my duty to the monarch's son!" MARQUIS. Oh, spare me, dearest prince, nor now recall Those boyish acts that make me blush for shame. CARLOS. I did not merit such disdain from thee - You might despise me, crush my heart, but never Alter my love. Three times didst thou repulse The prince, and thrice he came to thee again, To beg thy love, and force on thee his own. At length chance wrought what Carlos never could. Once we were playing, when thy shuttlecock Glanced off and struck my aunt, Bohemia's queen, Full in the face! She thought 'twas with intent, And all in tears complained unto the king. The palace youth were summoned on the spot, And charged to name the culprit. High in wrath The king vowed vengeance for the deed: "Although It were his son, yet still should he be made A dread example!" I looked around and marked Thee stand aloof, all trembling with dismay. Straight I stepped forth; before the royal feet I flung myself, and cried, "'Twas I who did it; Now let thine anger fall upon thy son!" MARQUIS. Ah, wherefore, prince, remind me? CARLOS. Hear me further! Before the face of the assembled court, That stood, all pale with pity, round about, Thy Carlos was tied up, whipped like a slave; I looked on thee, and wept not. Blow rained on blow; I gnashed my teeth with pain, yet wept I not! My royal blood streamed 'neath the pitiless lash; I looked on thee, and wept not. Then you came, And fell half-choked with sobs before my feet: "Carlos," you cried, "my pride is overcome; I will repay thee when thou art a king." MARQUIS (stretching forth his hand to CARLOS). Carlos, I'll keep my word; my boyhood's vow I now as man renew. I will repay thee. Some day, perchance, the hour may come - - CARLOS. Now! now! The hour has come; thou canst repay me all. I have sore need of love. A fearful secret Burns in my breast; it must - it must be told. In thy pale looks my death-doom will I read. Listen; be petrified; but answer not. I love - I love - my mother! MARQUIS. O my God! CARLOS. Nay, no forbearance! spare me not! Speak! speak! Proclaim aloud, that on this earth's great round There is no misery to compare with mine. Speak! speak! - I know all - all that thou canst say The son doth love his mother. All the world's Established usages, the course of nature, Rome's fearful laws denounce my fatal passion. My suit conflicts with my own father's rights, I feel it all, and yet I love. This path Leads on to madness, or the scaffold. I Love without hope, love guiltily, love madly, With anguish, and with peril of my life; I see, I see it all, and yet I love. MARQUIS. The queen - does she know of your passion? CARLOS. Could I Reveal it to her? She is Philip's wife - She is the queen, and this is Spanish ground, Watched by a jealous father, hemmed around By ceremonial forms, how, how could I Approach her unobserved? 'Tis now eight months, Eight maddening months, since the king summoned me Home from my studies, since I have been doomed To look on her, adore her day by day, And all the while be silent as the grave! Eight maddening months, Roderigo; think of this! This fire has seethed and raged within my breast! A thousand, thousand times, the dread confession Has mounted to my lips, yet evermore Shrunk, like a craven, back upon my heart. O Roderigo! for a few brief moments Alone with her! MARQUIS. Ah! and your father, prince! CARLOS. Unhappy me! Remind me not of him. Tell me of all the torturing pangs of conscience, But speak not, I implore you, of my father! MARQUIS. Then do you hate your father? CARLOS. No, oh, no! I do not hate my father; but the fear That guilty creatures feel, - a shuddering dread, - Comes o'er me ever at that terrible name. Am I to blame, if slavish nurture crushed Love's tender germ within my youthful heart? Six years I'd numbered, ere the fearful man, They told me was my father, met mine eyes. One morning 'twas, when with a stroke I saw him Sign four death-warrants. After that I ne'er Beheld him, save when, for some childish fault, I was brought out for chastisement. O God! I feel my heart grow bitter at the thought. Let us away! away! MARQUIS. Nay, Carlos, nay, You must, you shall give all your sorrow vent, Let it have words! 'twill ease your o'erfraught heart. CARLOS. Oft have I struggled with myself, and oft At midnight, when my guards were sunk in sleep, With floods of burning tears I've sunk before The image of the ever-blessed Virgin, And craved a filial heart, but all in vain. I rose with prayer unheard. O Roderigo! Unfold this wondrous mystery of heaven, Why of a thousand fathers only this Should fall to me - and why to him this son, Of many thousand better? Nature could not In her wide orb have found two opposites More diverse in their elements. How could She bind the two extremes of human kind - Myself and him - in one so holy bond? O dreadful fate! Why was it so decreed? Why should two men, in all things else apart, Concur so fearfully in one desire? Roderigo, here thou seest two hostile stars, That in the lapse of ages, only once, As they sweep onwards in their orbed course, Touch with a crash that shakes them to the centre, Then rush apart forever and forever. MARQUIS. I feel a dire foreboding. CARLOS. So do I. Like hell's grim furies, dreams of dreadful shape Pursue me still. My better genius strives With the fell projects of a dark despair. My wildered subtle spirit crawls through maze On maze of sophistries, until at length It gains a yawning precipice's brink. O Roderigo! should I e'er in him Forget the father - ah! thy deathlike look Tells me I'm understood - should I forget The father - what were then the king to me? MARQUIS (after a pause). One thing, my Carlos, let me beg of you! Whate'er may be your plans, do nothing, - nothing, - Without your friend's advice. You promise this? CARLOS. All, all I promise that thy love can ask! I throw myself entirely upon thee! MARQUIS. The king, I hear, is going to Madrid. The time is short. If with the queen you would Converse in private, it is only here, Here in Aranjuez, it can be done. The quiet of the place, the freer manners, All favor you. CARLOS. And such, too, was my hope; But it, alas! was vain. MARQUIS. Not wholly so. I go to wait upon her. If she be The same in Spain she was in Henry's court, She will be frank at least. And if I can Read any hope for Carlos in her looks - Find her inclined to grant an interview - Get her attendant ladies sent away - - CARLOS. Most of them are my friends - especially The Countess Mondecar, whom I have gained By service to her son, my page. MARQUIS. 'Tis well; Be you at hand, and ready to appear, Whene'er I give the signal, prince. CARLOS. I will, - Be sure I will: - and all good speed attend thee! MARQUIS. I will not lose a moment; so, farewell. [Exeunt severally. SCENE III. The Queen's Residence in Aranjuez. The Pleasure Grounds, intersected by an avenue, terminated by the Queen's Palace. The QUEEN, DUCHESS OF OLIVAREZ, PRINCESS OF EBOLI, and MARCHIONESS OF MONDECAR, all advancing from the avenue. QUEEN (to the MARCHIONESS). I will have you beside me, Mondecar. The princess, with these merry eyes of hers, Has plagued me all the morning. See, she scarce Can hide the joy she feels to leave the country. EBOLI. 'Twere idle to conceal, my queen, that I Shall be most glad to see Madrid once more. MONDECAR. And will your majesty not be so, too? Are you so grieved to quit Aranjuez? QUEEN. To quit - this lovely spot at least I am. This is my world. Its sweetness oft and oft Has twined itself around my inmost heart. Here, nature, simple, rustic nature greets me, The sweet companion of my early years - Here I indulge once more my childhood's sports, And my dear France's gales come blowing here. Blame not this partial fondness - all hearts yearn For their own native land. EBOLI. But then how lone, How dull and lifeless it is here! We might As well be in La Trappe. QUEEN. I cannot see it. To me Madrid alone is lifeless. But What saith our duchess to it? OLIVAREZ. Why, methinks, Your majesty, since kings have ruled in Spain, It hath been still the custom for the court To pass the summer months alternately Here and at Pardo, - in Madrid, the winter. QUEEN. Well, I suppose it has! Duchess, you know I've long resigned all argument with you. MONDECAR. Next month Madrid will be all life and bustle. They're fitting up the Plaza Mayor now, And we shall have rare bull-fights; and, besides, A grand auto da fe is promised us. QUEEN. Promised? This from my gentle Mondecar! MONDECAR. Why not? 'Tis only heretics they burn! QUEEN. I hope my Eboli thinks otherwise! EBOLI. What, I? I beg your majesty may think me As good a Christian as the marchioness. QUEEN. Alas! I had forgotten where I am, - No more of this! We were speaking, I think, About the country? And methinks this month Has flown away with strange rapidity. I counted on much pleasure, very much, From our retirement here, and yet I have not Found that which I expected. Is it thus With all our hopes? And yet I cannot say One wish of mine is left ungratified. OLIVAREZ. You have not told us, Princess Eboli, If there be hope for Gomez, - and if we may Expect ere long to greet you as his bride? QUEEN. True - thank you, duchess, for reminding me! [Addressing the PRINCESS. I have been asked to urge his suit with you. But can I do it? The man whom I reward With my sweet Eboli must be a man Of noble stamp indeed. OLIVAREZ. And such he is, A man of mark and fairest fame, - a man Whom our dear monarch signally has graced With his most royal favor. QUEEN. He's happy in Such high good fortune; but we fain would know, If he can love, and win return of love. This Eboli must answer. EBOLI (stands speechless and confused, her eyes bent on the ground; at last she falls at the QUEEN's feet). Gracious queen! Have pity on me! Let me - let me not, - For heaven's sake, let me not be sacrificed. QUEEN. Be sacrificed! I need no more. Arise! 'Tis a hard fortune to be sacrificed. I do believe you. Rise. And is it long Since you rejected Gomez' suit? EBOLI. Some months - Before Prince Carlos came from Alcala. QUEEN (starts and looks at her with an inquisitive glance). Have you tried well the grounds of your refusal? EBOLI (with energy). It cannot be, my queen, no, never, never, - For a thousand reasons, never! QUEEN. One's enough, You do not love him. That suffices me. Now let it pass. [To her other ladies. I have not seen the Infanta Yet this morning. Pray bring her, marchioness. OLIVAREZ (looking at the clock). It is not yet the hour, your majesty. QUEEN. Not yet the hour for me to be a mother! That's somewhat hard. Forget not, then, to tell me When the right hour does come. [A page enters and whispers to the first lady, who thereupon turns to the QUEEN. OLIVAREZ. The Marquis Posa! May it please your majesty. QUEEN. The Marquis Posa! OLIVAREZ. He comes from France, and from the Netherlands, And craves the honor to present some letters Intrusted to him by your royal mother. QUEEN. Is this allowed? OLIVAREZ (hesitating). A case so unforeseen Is not provided for in my instructions. When a Castilian grandee, with despatches From foreign courts, shall in her garden find The Queen of Spain, and tender them - - QUEEN. Enough! I'll venture, then, on mine own proper peril. OLIVAREZ. May I, your majesty, withdraw the while? QUEEN. E'en as you please, good duchess! [Exit the DUCHESS, the QUEEN gives the PAGE a sign, who thereupon retires. SCENE IV. The QUEEN, PRINCESS EBOLI, MARCHIONESS OF MONDECAR, and MARQUIS OF POSA. QUEEN. I bid you welcome, sir, to Spanish ground! MARQUIS. Ground which I never with so just a pride Hailed for the country of my sires as now. QUEEN (to the two ladies). The Marquis Posa, ladies, who at Rheims Coped with my father in the lists, and made My colors thrice victorious; the first That made me feel how proud a thing it was To be the Queen of Spain and Spanish men. [Turning to the MARQUIS. When we last parted in the Louvre, Sir, You scarcely dreamed that I should ever be Your hostess in Castile. MARQUIS. Most true, my liege! For at that time I never could have dreamed That France should lose to us the only thing We envied her possessing. QUEEN. How, proud Spaniard! The only thing! And you can venture this - This to a daughter of the house of Valois! MARQUIS. I venture now to say it, gracious queen, Since now you are our own. QUEEN. Your journey hither Has led you, as I hear, through France. What news Have you brought with you from my honored mother And from my dearest brothers? MARQUIS (handing letters). I left your royal mother sick at heart, Bereft of every joy save only this, To know her daughter happy on the throne Of our imperial Spain. QUEEN. Could she be aught But happy in the dear remembrances Of relatives so kind - in the sweet thoughts Of the old time when - Sir, you've visited Full many a court in these your various travels, And seen strange lands and customs manifold; And now, they say, you mean to keep at home A greater prince in your retired domain Than is King Philip on his throne - a freer. You're a philosopher; but much I doubt If our Madrid will please you. We are so - So quiet in Madrid. MARQUIS. And that is more Than all the rest of Europe has to boast. QUEEN. I've heard as much. But all this world's concerns Are well-nigh blotted from my memory. [To PRINCESS EBOLI. Princess, methinks I see a hyacinth Yonder in bloom. Wilt bring it to me, sweet? [The PRINCESS goes towards the palace, the QUEEN softly to the MARQUIS. I'm much mistaken, sir, or your arrival Has made one heart more happy here at court. MARQUIS. I have found a sad one - one that in this world A ray of sunshine - - EBOLI. As this gentleman Has seen so many countries, he, no doubt, Has much of note to tell us. MARQUIS. Doubtless, and To seek adventures is a knight's first duty - But his most sacred is to shield the fair. MONDECAR. From giants! But there are no giants now! MARQUIS. Power is a giant ever to the weak. QUEEN. The chevalier says well. There still are giants; But there are knights no more. MARQUIS. Not long ago, On my return from Naples, I became The witness of a very touching story, Which ties of friendship almost make my own Were I not fearful its recital might Fatigue your majesty - - QUEEN. Have I a choice? The princess is not to be lightly balked. Proceed. I too, sir, love a story dearly. MARQUIS. Two noble houses in Mirandola, Weary of jealousies and deadly feuds, Transmitted down from Guelphs and Ghibellines, Through centuries of hate, from sire to son, Resolved to ratify a lasting peace By the sweet ministry of nuptial ties. Fernando, nephew of the great Pietro, And fair Matilda, old Colonna's child, Were chosen to cement this holy bond. Nature had never for each other formed Two fairer hearts. And never had the world Approved a wiser or a happier choice. Still had the youth adored his lovely bride In the dull limner's portraiture alone. How thrilled his heart, then, in the hope to find The truth of all that e'en his fondest dreams Had scarcely dared to credit in her picture! In Padua, where his studies held him bound; Fernando panted for the joyful hour, When he might murmur at Matilda's feet The first pure homage of his fervent love. [The QUEEN grows more attentive; the MARQUIS continues, after a short pause, addressing himself chiefly to PRINCESS EBOLI. Meanwhile the sudden death of Pietro's wife Had left him free to wed. With the hot glow Of youthful blood the hoary lover drinks The fame that reached him of Matilda's charms. He comes - he sees - he loves! The new desire Stifles the voice of nature in his heart. The uncle woos his nephew's destined bride, And at the altar consecrates his theft. QUEEN. And what did then Fernando? MARQUIS. On the wings Of Jove, unconscious of the fearful change, Delirious with the promised joy, he speeds Back to Mirandola. His flying steed By starlight gains the gate. Tumultuous sounds Of music, dance, and jocund revelry Ring from the walls of the illumined palace. With faltering steps he mounts the stair; and now Behold him in the crowded nuptial hall, Unrecognized! Amid the reeling guests Pietro sat. An angel at his side - An angel, whom he knows, and who to him Even in his dreams, seemed ne'er so beautiful. A single glance revealed what once was his - Revealed what now was lost to him forever. EBOLI. O poor Fernando! QUEEN. Surely, sir, your tale Is ended? Nay, it must be. MARQUIS. No, not quite. QUEEN. Did you not say Fernando was your friend? MARQUIS. I have no dearer in the world. EBOLI. But pray Proceed, sir, with your story. MARQUIS. Nay, the rest Is very sad - and to recall it sets My sorrow fresh abroach. Spare me the sequel. [A general silence. QUEEN (turning to the PRINCESS EBOLI). Surely the time is come to see my daughter, I prithee, princess, bring her to me now! [The PRINCESS withdraws. The MARQUIS beckons a Page. The QUEEN opens the letters, and appears surprised. The MARQUIS talks with MARCHIONESS MONDECAR. The QUEEN having read the letters, turns to the MARQUIS with a penetrating look. QUEEN. You have not spoken of Matilda! She Haply was ignorant of Fernando's grief? MARQUIS. Matilda's heart has no one fathomed yet - Great souls endure in silence. QUEEN. You look around you. Who is it you seek? MARQUIS. Just then the thought came over me, how one, Whose name I dare not mention, would rejoice, Stood he where I do now. QUEEN. And who's to blame, That he does not? MARQUIS (interrupting her eagerly). My liege! And dare I venture To interpret thee, as fain I would? He'd find Forgiveness, then, if now he should appear. QUEEN (alarmed). Now, marquis, now? What do you mean by this? MARQUIS. Might he, then, hope? QUEEN. You terrify me, marquis. Surely he will not - - MARQUIS. He is here already. SCENE V. The QUEEN, CARLOS, MARQUIS POSA, MARCHIONESS MONDECAR. The two latter go towards the avenue. CARLOS (on his knees before the QUEEN). At length 'tis come - the happy moment's come, And Charles may touch this all-beloved hand. QUEEN. What headlong folly's this? And dare you break Into my presence thus? Arise, rash man! We are observed; my suite are close at hand. CARLOS. I will not rise. Here will I kneel forever, Here will I lie enchanted at your feet, And grow to the dear ground you tread on? QUEEN. Madman! To what rude boldness my indulgence leads! Know you, it is the queen, your mother, sir, Whom you address in such presumptuous strain? Know, that myself will to the king report This bold intrusion - - CARLOS. And that I must die! Let them come here, and drag me to the scaffold! A moment spent in paradise like this Is not too dearly purchased by a life. QUEEN. But then your queen? CARLOS (rising). O God, I'll go, I'll go! Can I refuse to bend to that appeal? I am your very plaything. Mother, mother, A sign, a transient glance, one broken word From those dear lips can bid me live or die. What would you more? Is there beneath the sun One thing I would not haste to sacrifice To meet your lightest wish? QUEEN. Then fly! CARLOS. God! QUEEN. With tears I do conjure you, Carlos, fly! I ask no more. O fly! before my court, My guards, detecting us alone together, Bear the dread tidings to your father's ear. CARLOS. I bide my doom, or be it life or death. Have I staked every hope on this one moment, Which gives thee to me thus at length alone, That idle fears should balk me of my purpose? No, queen! The world may round its axis roll A hundred thousand times, ere chance again Yield to my prayers a moment such as this. QUEEN. It never shall to all eternity. Unhappy man! What would you ask of me? CARLOS. Heaven is my witness, queen, how I have struggled, Struggled as mortal never did before, But all in vain! My manhood fails - I yield. QUEEN. No more of this - for my sake - for my peace. CARLOS. You were mine own, - in face of all the world, - Affianced to me by two mighty crowns, By heaven and nature plighted as my bride, But Philip, cruel Philip, stole you from me! QUEEN. He is your father? CARLOS. And he is your husband! QUEEN. And gives to you for an inheritance, The mightiest monarchy in all the world. CARLOS. And you, as mother! QUEEN. Mighty heavens! You rave! CARLOS. And is he even conscious of his treasure? Hath he a heart to feel and value yours? I'll not complain - no, no, I will forget, How happy, past all utterance, I might Have been with you, - if he were only so. But he is not - there, there, the anguish lies! He is not, and he never - never can be. Oh, you have robbed me of my paradise, Only to blast it in King Philip's arms! QUEEN. Horrible thought! CARLOS. Oh, yes, right well I know Who 'twas that knit this ill-starred marriage up. I know how Philip loves, and how he wooed. What are you in this kingdom - tell me, what? Regent, belike! Oh, no! If such you were, How could fell Alvas act their murderous deeds, Or Flanders bleed a martyr for her faith? Are you even Philip's wife? Impossible, - Beyond belief. A wife doth still possess Her husband's heart. To whom doth his belong? If ever, perchance, in some hot feverish mood, He yields to gentler impulse, begs he not Forgiveness of his sceptre and gray hairs? QUEEN. Who told you that my lot, at Philip's side Was one for men to pity? CARLOS. My own heart! Which feels, with burning pangs, how at my side It had been to be envied. QUEEN. Thou vain man! What if my heart should tell me the reverse? How, sir, if Philip's watchful tenderness, The looks that silently proclaim his love, Touched me more deeply than his haughty son's Presumptuous eloquence? What, if an old man's Matured esteem - - CARLOS. That makes a difference! Then, Why then, forgiveness! - I'd no thought of this; I had no thought that you could love the king. QUEEN. To honor him's my pleasure and my wish. CARLOS. Then you have never loved? QUEEN. Singular question! CARLOS. Then you have never loved? QUEEN. I love no longer! CARLOS. Because your heart forbids it, or your oath? QUEEN. Leave me; nor never touch this theme again. CARLOS. Because your oath forbids it, or your heart? QUEEN. Because my duty - but, alas, alas! To what avails this scrutiny of fate, Which we must both obey? CARLOS. Must - must obey? QUEEN. What means this solemn tone? CARLOS. Thus much it means That Carlos is not one to yield to must Where he hath power to will! It means, besides, 'That Carlos is not minded to live on, The most unhappy man in all his realm, When it would only cost the overthrow Of Spanish laws to be the happiest. QUEEN. Do I interpret rightly? Still you hope? Dare you hope on, when all is lost forever? CARLOS. I look on naught as lost - except the dead. QUEEN. For me - your mother, do you dare to hope? [She fixes a penetrating look on him, then continues with dignity and earnestness. And yet why not? A new elected monarch Can do far more - make bonfires of the laws His father left - o'erthrow his monuments - Nay, more than this - for what shall hinder him? - Drag from his tomb, in the Escurial, The sacred corpse of his departed sire, Make it a public spectacle, and scatter Forth to the winds his desecrated dust. And then, at last, to fill the measure up - - CARLOS. Merciful heavens, finish not the picture! QUEEN. End all by wedding with his mother. CARLOS. Oh! Accursed son! [He remains for some time paralyzed and speechless. Yes, now 'tis out, 'tis out! I see it clear as day. Oh, would it had Been veiled from me in everlasting darkness! Yes, thou art gone from me - gone - gone forever. The die is cast; and thou art lost to me. Oh, in that thought lies hell; and a hell, too, Lies in the other thought, to call thee mine. Oh, misery! I can bear my fate no longer, My very heart-strings strain as they would burst. QUEEN. Alas, alas! dear Charles, I feel it all, The nameless pang that rages in your breast; Your pangs are infinite, as is your love, And infinite as both will be the glory Of overmastering both. Up, be a man, Wrestle with them boldly. The prize is worthy Of a young warrior's high, heroic heart; Worthy of him in whom the virtues flow Of a long ancestry of mighty kings. Courage! my noble prince! Great Charles's grandson Begins the contest with undaunted heart, Where sons of meaner men would yield at once. CARLOS. Too late, too late! O God, it is too late! QUEEN. Too late to be a man! O Carlos, Carlos! How nobly shows our virtue when the heart Breaks in its exercise! The hand of Heaven Has set you up on high, - far higher, prince, Than millions of your brethren. All she took From others she bestowed with partial hand On thee, her favorite; and millions ask, What was your merit, thus before your birth To be endowed so far above mankind? Up, then, and justify the ways of Heaven; Deserve to take the lead of all the world, And make a sacrifice ne'er made before. CARLOS. I will, I will; I have a giant's strength To win your favor; but to lose you, none. QUEEN. Confess, my Carlos, I have harshly read thee; It is but spoken, and waywardness, and pride, Attract you thus so madly to your mother! The heart you lavish on myself belongs To the great empire you one day shall rule. Look that you sport not with your sacred trust! Love is your high vocation; until now It hath been wrongly bent upon your mother: Oh, lead it back upon your future realms, And so, instead of the fell stings of conscience, Enjoy the bliss of being more than man. Elizabeth has been your earliest love, Your second must be Spain. How gladly, Carlos, Will I give place to this more worthy choice! CARLOS (overpowered by emotion, throws himself at her feet). How great thou art, my angel! Yes, I'll do All, all thou canst desire. So let it be. [He rises. Here in the sight of heaven I stand and swear - I swear to thee, eternal - no, great Heaven! - Eternal silence only, - not oblivion! QUEEN. How can I ask from you what I myself Am not disposed to grant? MARQUIS (hastening from the alley). The king! QUEEN. Oh God! MARQUIS. Away, away! fly from these precincts, prince! QUEEN. His jealousy is dreadful - should he see you - - CARLOS. I'll stay. QUEEN. And who will be the victim then? CARLOS (seizing the MARQUIS by the arm). Away, away! Come, Roderigo, come! [Goes and returns. What may I hope to carry hence with me? QUEEN. Your mother's friendship. CARLOS. Friendship! Mother! QUEEN. And These tears with it - they're from the Netherlands. [She gives him some letters. Exit CARLOS with the MARQUIS. The QUEEN looks restlessly round in search of her ladies, who are nowhere to be seen. As she is about to retire up, the KING enters. SCENE VI. The KING, the QUEEN, DUKE ALVA, COUNT LERMA, DOMINGO, LADIES, GRANDEES, who remain at a little distance. KING. How, madam, alone; not even one of all Your ladies in attendance? Strange! Where are they? QUEEN. My gracious lord! KING. Why thus alone, I say? [To his attendants. I'll take a strict account of this neglect. 'Tis not to be forgiven. Who has the charge Of waiting on your majesty to-day? QUEEN. Oh, be not angry! Good, my lord, 'tis I Myself that am to blame - at my request The Princess Eboli went hence but now. KING. At your request! QUEEN. To call the nurse to me, With the Infanta, whom I longed to see. KING. And was your retinue dismissed for that? This only clears the lady first in waiting. Where was the second? MONDECAR (who has returned and mixed with the other ladies, steps forward). Your majesty, I feel I am to blame for this. KING. You are, and so I give you ten years to reflect upon it, At a most tranquil distance from Madrid. [The MARCHIONESS steps back weeping. General silence. The bystanders all look in confusion towards the QUEEN. QUEEN. What weep you for, dear marchioness? [To the KING. If I Have erred, my gracious liege, the crown I wear, And which I never sought, should save my blushes Is there a law in this your kingdom, sire, To summon monarch's daughters to the bar? Does force alone restrain your Spanish ladies? Or need they stronger safeguard than their virtue? Now pardon me, my liege; 'tis not my wont To send my ladies, who have served me still With smiling cheerfulness, away in tears. Here, Mondecar. [She takes off her girdle and presents it to the MARCHIONESS. You have displeased the king, Not me. Take this remembrance of my favor, And of this hour. I'd have you quit the kingdom. You have only erred in Spain. In my dear France, All men are glad to wipe such tears away. And must I ever be reminded thus? In my dear France it had been otherwise. [Leaning on the MARCHIONESS and covering her face. KING. Can a reproach, that in my love had birth, Afflict you so? A word so trouble you, Which the most anxious tenderness did prompt? [He turns towards the GEANDEES. Here stand the assembled vassals of my throne. Did ever sleep descend upon these eyes, Till at the close of the returning day I've pondered, how the hearts of all my subjects Were beating 'neath the furthest cope of heaven? And should I feel more anxious for my throne Than for the partner of my bosom? No! My sword and Alva can protect my people, My eye alone assures thy love. QUEEN. My liege, If that I have offended - - KING. I am called The richest monarch in the Christian world; The sun in my dominions never sets. All this another hath possessed before, And many another will possess hereafter. That is mine own. All that the monarch hath Belongs to chance - Elizabeth to Philip. This is the point in which I feel I'm mortal. QUEEN. What fear you, sire? KING. Should these gray hairs not fear? But the same instant that my fear begins It dies away forever. [To the grandees. I run over The nobles of my court and miss the foremost. Where is my son, Don Carlos? [No one answers. He begins To give me cause of fear. He shuns my presence Since he came back from school at Alcala. His blood is hot. Why is his look so cold? His bearing all so stately and reserved? Be watchful, duke, I charge you. ALVA. So I am: Long as a heart against this corslet beats, So long may Philip slumber undisturbed; And as God's cherub guards the gates of heaven So doth Duke Alva guard your royal throne. LERMA. Dare I, in all humility, presume To oppose the judgment of earth's wisest king? Too deeply I revere his gracious sire To judge the son so harshly. I fear much From his hot blood, but nothing from his heart. KING. Lerma, your speech is fair to soothe the father, But Alva here will be the monarch's shield - No more of this. [Turning to his suite. Now speed we to Madrid, Our royal duties summon us. The plague Of heresy is rife among my people; Rebellion stalks within my Netherlands - The times are imminent. We must arrest These erring spirits by some dread example. The solemn oath which every Christian king Hath sworn to keep I will redeem to-morrow. 'Twill be a day of doom unparalleled. Our court is bidden to the festival. [He leads off the QUEEN, the rest follow. SCENE VII. DON CARLOS (with letters in his hand), and MARQUIS POSA enter from opposite sides. CARLOS. I am resolved - Flanders shall yet be saved: So runs her suit, and that's enough for me! MARQUIS. There's not another moment to be lost: 'Tis said Duke Alva in the cabinet Is named already as the governor. CARLOS. Betimes to-morrow will I see the king And ask this office for myself. It is The first request I ever made to him, And he can scarce refuse. My presence here Has long been irksome to him. He will grasp This fair pretence my absence to secure. And shall I confess to thee, Roderigo? My hopes go further. Face to face with him, 'Tis possible the pleading of a son May reinstate him in his father's favor. He ne'er hath heard the voice of nature speak; Then let me try for once, my Roderigo, What power she hath when breathing from my lips. MARQUIS. Now do I hear my Carlos' voice once more; Now are you all yourself again! SCENE VIII. The preceding. COUNT LERMA. COUNT. Your grace, His majesty has left Aranjuez; And I am bidden - - CARLOS. Very well, my lord - I shall overtake the king - - MARQUIS (affecting to take leave with ceremony). Your highness, then, Has nothing further to intrust to me? CARLOS. Nothing. A pleasant journey to Madrid! You may, hereafter, tell me more of Flanders. [To LERMA, who is waiting for him. Proceed, my lord! I'll follow thee anon. SCENE IX. DON CARLOS, MARQUIS POSA. CARLOS. I understood thy hint, and thank thee for it. A stranger's presence can alone excuse This forced and measured tone. Are we not brothers? In future, let this puppet-play of rank Be banished from our friendship. Think that we Had met at some gay masking festival, Thou in the habit of a slave, and I Robed, for a jest, in the imperial purple. Throughout the revel we respect the cheat, And play our parts with sportive earnestness, Tripping it gayly with the merry throng; But should thy Carlos beckon through his mask, Thou'dst press his hand in silence as he passed, And we should be as one. MARQUIS. The dream's divine! But are you sure that it will last forever? Is Carlos, then, so certain of himself As to despise the charms of boundless sway? A day will come - an all-important day - When this heroic mind - I warn you now - Will sink o'erwhelmed by too severe a test. Don Philip dies; and Carlos mounts the throne, The mightiest throne in Christendom. How vast The gulf that yawns betwixt mankind and him - A god to-day, who yesterday was man! Steeled to all human weakness - to the voice Of heavenly duty deaf. Humanity - To-day a word of import in his ear - Barters itself, and grovels 'mid the throng Of gaping parasites; his sympathy For human woe is turned to cold neglect, His virtue sunk in loose voluptuous joys. Peru supplies him riches for his folly, His court engenders devils for his vices. Lulled in this heaven the work of crafty slaves, He sleeps a charmed sleep; and while his dream Endures his godhead lasts. And woe to him Who'd break in pity this lethargic trance! What could Roderigo do? Friendship is true, And bold as true. But her bright flashing beams Were much too fierce for sickly majesty: You would not brook a subject's stern appeal, Nor I a monarch's pride! CARLOS. Tearful and true, Thy portraiture of monarchs. Yes - thou'rt right, But 'tis their lusts that thus corrupt their hearts, And hurry them to vice. I still am pure. A youth scarce numbering three-and-twenty years. What thousands waste in riotous delights, Without remorse - the mind's more precious part - The bloom and strength of manhood - I have kept, Hoarding their treasures for the future king. What could unseat my Posa from my heart, If woman fail to do it? MARQUIS. I, myself! Say, could I love you, Carlos, warm as now, If I must fear you? CARLOS. That will never be. What need hast thou of me? What cause hast thou To stoop thy knee, a suppliant at the throne? Does gold allure thee? Thou'rt a richer subject Than I shall be a king! Dost covet honors? E'en in thy youth, fame's brimming chalice stood Full in thy grasp - thou flung'st the toy away. Which of us, then, must be the other's debtor, And which the creditor? Thou standest mute. Dost tremble for the trial? Art thou, then, Uncertain of thyself? MARQUIS. Carlos, I yield! Here is my band. CARLOS. Is it mine own? MARQUIS. Forever - In the most pregnant meaning of the word! CARLOS. And wilt thou prove hereafter to the king As true and warm as to the prince to-day? MARQUIS. I swear! CARLOS. And when round my unguarded heart The serpent flattery winds its subtle coil, Should e'er these eyes of mine forget the tears They once were wont to shed; or should these ears Be closed to mercy's plea, - say, wilt thou, then, The fearless guardian of my virtue, throw Thine iron grasp upon me, and call up My genius by its mighty name? MARQUIS. I will. CARLOS. And now one other favor let me beg. Do call me thou! Long have I envied this Dear privilege of friendship to thine equals. The brother's thou beguiles my ear, my heart, With sweet suggestions of equality. Nay, no reply: - I guess what thou wouldst say - To thee this seems a trifle - but to me, A monarch's son, 'tis much. Say, wilt thou be A brother to me? MARQUIS. Yes; thy brother, yes! CARLOS. Now to the king - my fears are at an end. Thus, arm-in-arm with thee, I dare defy The universal world into the lists. [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE I. The royal palace at Madrid. KING PHILIP under a canopy; DUKE ALVA at some distance, with his head covered; CARLOS. CARLOS. The kingdom takes precedence - willingly Doth Carlos to the minister give place - He speaks for Spain; I am but of the household. [Bows and steps backward. KING. The duke remains - the Infanta may proceed. CARLOS (turning to ALVA). Then must I put it to your honor, sir, To yield my father for a while to me. A son, you know, may to a father's ear Unbosom much, in fulness of his heart, That not befits a stranger's ear. The king Shall not be taken from you, sir - I seek The father only for one little hour. KING. Here stands his friend. CARLOS. And have I e'er deserved To think the duke should be a friend of mine? KING. Or tried to make him one? I scarce can love Those sons who choose more wisely than their fathers. CARLOS. And can Duke Alva's knightly spirit brook To look on such a scene? Now, as I live, I would not play the busy meddler's part, Who thrusts himself, unasked, 'twixt sire and son, And there intrudes without a blush, condemned By his own conscious insignificance, No, not, by heaven, to win a diadem! KING (rising, with an angry look at the Prince). Retire, my lord! [ALVA goes to the principal door, through which CARLOS had entered, the KING points to the other. No, to the cabinet, Until I call you. SCENE II. KING PHILIP. DON CARLOS. CARLOS (as soon as the DUKE has left the apartment, advances to the KING, throws himself at his feet, and then, with great emotion). My father once again! Thanks, endless thanks, for this unwonted favor! Your hand, my father! O delightful day! The rapture of this kiss has long been strange To your poor Carlos. Wherefore have I been Shut from my father's heart? What have I done? KING. Carlos, thou art a novice in these arts - Forbear, I like them not - - CARLOS (rising). And is it so? I hear your courtiers in those words, my father! All is not well, by heaven, all is not true, That a priest says, and a priest's creatures plot. I am not wicked, father; ardent blood Is all my failing; - all my crime is youth; - Wicked I am not - no, in truth, not wicked; - Though many an impulse wild assails my heart, Yet is it still untainted. KING. Ay, 'tis pure - I know it - like thy prayers - - CARLOS. Now, then, or never! We are, for once, alone - the barrier Of courtly form, that severed sire and son Has fallen! Now a golden ray of hope Illumes my soul - a sweet presentment Pervades my heart - and heaven itself inclines, With choirs of joyous angels, to the earth, And full of soft emotion, the thrice blest Looks down upon this great, this glorious scene! Pardon, my father! [He falls on his knees before him. KING. Rise, and leave me. CARLOS. Father! KING (tearing himself from him). This trifling grows too bold. CARLOS. A son's devotion Too bold! Alas! KING. And, to crown all, in tears! Degraded boy! Away, and quit my sight! CARLOS. Now, then, or never! - pardon, O my father! KING. Away, and leave my sight! Return to me Disgraced, defeated, from the battle-field, Thy sire shall meet thee with extended arms: But thus in tears, I spurn thee from my feet. A coward's guilt alone should wash its stains In such ignoble streams. The man who weeps Without a blush will ne'er want cause for tears! CARLOS. Who is this man? By what mistake of nature Has he thus strayed amongst mankind? A tear Is man's unerring, lasting attribute. Whose eye is dry was ne'er of woman born! Oh, teach the eye that ne'er hath overflowed, The timely science of a tear - thou'lt need The moist relief in some dark hour of woo. KING. Think'st thou to shake thy father's strong mistrust With specious words? CARLOS. Mistrust! Then I'll remove it. Here will I hang upon my father's breast, Strain at his heart with vigor, till each shred Of that mistrust, which, with a rock's endurance, Clings firmly round it, piecemeal fall away. And who are they who drive me from the king - My father's favor? What requital hath A monk to give a father for a son? What compensation can the duke supply For a deserted and a childless age? Would'st thou be loved? Here in this bosom springs A fresher, purer fountain, than e'er flowed From those dark, stagnant, muddy reservoirs, Which Philip's gold must first unlock. KING. No more, Presuming boy! For know the hearts thou slanderest Are the approved, true servants of my choice. 'Tis meet that thou do honor to them. CARLOS. Never! I know my worth - all that your Alva dares - That, and much more, can Carlos. What cares he, A hireling! for the welfare of the realm That never can be his? What careth he If Philip's hair grow gray with hoary age? Your Carlos would have loved you: - Oh, I dread To think that you the royal throne must fill Deserted and alone. KING (seemingly struck by this idea, stands in deep thought; after a pause). I am alone! CARLOS (approaching him with eagerness). You have been so till now. Hate me no more, And I will love you dearly as a son: But hate me now no longer! Oh, how sweet, Divinely sweet it is to feel our being Reflected in another's beauteous soul; To see our joys gladden another's cheek, Our pains bring anguish to another's bosom, Our sorrows fill another's eye with tears! How sweet, how glorious is it, hand in hand, With a dear child, in inmost soul beloved, To tread once more the rosy paths of youth, And dream life's fond illusions o'er again! How proud to live through endless centuries Immortal in the virtues of a son; How sweet to plant what his dear hand shall reap; To gather what will yield him rich return, And guess how high his thanks will one day rise! My father of this early paradise Your monks most wisely speak not. KING (not without emotion). Oh, my son, Thou hast condemned thyself in painting thus A bliss this heart hath ne'er enjoyed from thee. CARLOS. The Omniscient be my judge! You till this hour Have still debarred me from your heart, and all Participation in your royal cares. The heir of Spain has been a very stranger In Spanish land - a prisoner in the realm Where he must one day rule. Say, was this just, Or kind? And often have I blushed for shame, And stood with eyes abashed, to learn perchance From foreign envoys, or the general rumor, Thy courtly doings at Aranjuez. KING. Thy blood flows far too hotly in thy veins. Thou would'st but ruin all. CARLOS. But try me, father. 'Tis true my blood flows hotly in my veins. Full three-and-twenty years I now have lived, And naught achieved for immortality. I am aroused - I feel my inward powers - My title to the throne arouses me From slumber, like an angry creditor; And all the misspent hours of early youth, Like debts of honor, clamor in mine ears. It comes at length, the glorious moment comes That claims full interest on the intrusted talent. The annals of the world, ancestral fame, And glory's echoing trumpet urge me on. Now is the blessed hour at length arrived That opens wide to me the list of honor. My king, my father! dare I utter now The suit which led me hither? KING. Still a suit? Unfold it. CARLOS. The rebellion in Brabant Increases to a height - the traitor's madness By stern, but prudent, vigor must be met. The duke, to quell the wild enthusiasm, Invested with the sovereign's power, will lead An army into Flanders. Oh, how full Of glory is such office! and how suited To open wide the temple of renown To me, your son! To my hand, then, O king, Intrust the army; in thy Flemish lands I am well loved, and I will freely gage My life for their fidelity and truth. KING. Thou speakest like a dreamer. This high office Demands a man - and not a stripling's arm. CARLOS. It but demands a human being, father: And that is what Duke Alva ne'er hath been. KING. Terror alone can tie rebellion's hands: Humanity were madness. Thy soft soul Is tender, son: they'll tremble at the duke. Desist from thy request. CARLOS. Despatch me, sire, To Flanders with the army - dare rely E'en on my tender soul. The name of prince, The royal name emblazoned on my standard, Conquers where Alva's butchers but dismay. Here on my knees I crave it - this the first Petition of my life. Trust Flanders to me. KING (contemplating CARLOS with a piercing look). Trust my best army to thy thirst for rule, And put a dagger in my murderer's hand! CARLOS. Great God! and is this all - is this the fruit Of a momentous hour so long desired! [After some thought, in a milder tone. Oh, speak to me more kindly - send me not Thus comfortless away - dismiss me not With this afflicting answer, oh, my father! Use me more tenderly, indeed, I need it. This is the last resource of wild despair - It conquers every power of firm resolve To beat it as a man - this deep contempt - My every suit denied: Let me away - Unheard and foiled in all my fondest hopes, I take my leave. Now Alva and Domingo May proudly sit in triumph where your son Lies weeping in the dust. Your crowd of courtiers, And your long train of cringing, trembling nobles, Your tribe of sallow monks, so deadly pale, All witnessed how you granted me this audience. Let me not be disgraced. Oh, strike me not With this most deadly wound - nor lay me bare To sneering insolence of menial taunts! "That strangers riot on your bounty, whilst Carlos, your son, may supplicate in vain." And as a pledge that you would have me honored, Despatch me straight to Flanders with the army. KING. Urge thy request no farther - as thou wouldst Avoid the king's displeasure. CARLOS. I must brave My king's displeasure, and prefer my suit Once more, it is the last. Trust Flanders to me! I must away from Spain. To linger here Is to draw breath beneath the headsman's axe: The air lies heavy on me in Madrid Like murder on a guilty soul - a change, An instant change of clime alone can cure me. If you would save my life, despatch me straight Without delay to Flanders. KING (with affected coldness). Invalids, Like thee, my son - need not be tended close, And ever watched by the physician's eye - Thou stayest in Spain - the duke will go to Flanders. CARLOS (wildly). Assist me, ye good angels! KING (starting). Hold, what mean Those looks so wild? CARLOS. Father, do you abide Immovably by this determination? KING. It was the king's. CARLOS. Then my commission's done. [Exit in violent emotion. SCENE III. King, sunk in gloomy contemplation, walks a few steps up and down; Alva approaches with embarrassment. KING. Hold yourself ready to depart for Brussels Upon a moment's notice. ALVA. All is prepared, my liege. KING. And your credentials Lie ready sealed within my cabinet, - Meanwhile obtain an audience of the queen, And bid the prince farewell. ALVA. As I came in I met him with a look of frenzy wild Quitting the chamber; and your majesty Is strangely moved, methinks, and bears the marks Of deep excitement - can it be the theme Of your discourse - - KING. Concerned the Duke of Alva. [The KING keeps his eye steadfastly fixed on him. I'm pleased that Carlos hates my councillors, But I'm disturbed that he despises them. [ALVA, coloring deeply, is about to speak. No answer now: propitiate the prince. ALVA. Sire! KING. Tell me who it was that warned me first Of my son's dark designs? I listened then To you, and not to him. I will have proof. And for the future, mark me, Carlos stands Nearer the throne - now duke - you may retire. [The KING retires into his cabinet. Exit DUKE by another door. SCENE IV. The antechamber to the QUEEN'S apartments. DON CARLOS enters in conversation with a PAGE. The attendants retire at his approach. CARLOS. For me this letter? And a key! How's this? And both delivered with such mystery! Come nearer, boy: - from whom didst thou receive them? PAGE (mysteriously). It seemed to me the lady would be guessed Rather than be described. CARLOS (starting). The lady, what! Who art thou, boy? [Looking earnestly at the PAGE. PAGE. A page that serves the queen. CARLOS (affrighted, putting his hand to the PAGE's mouth). Hold, on your life! I know enough: no more. [He tears open the letter hastily, and retires to read it; meanwhile DUKE ALVA comes, and passing the Prince, goes unperceived by him into the QUEEN'S apartment, CARLOS trembles violently and changes color; when he has read the letter he remains a long time speechless, his eyes steadfastly fixed on it; at last he turns to the PAGE. She gave you this herself? PAGE. With her own hands. CARLOS. She gave this letter to you then herself? Deceive me not: I ne'er have seen her writing, And I must credit thee, if thou canst swear it; But if thy tale be false, confess it straight, Nor put this fraud on me. PAGE. This fraud, on whom? CARLOS (looking once more at the letter, then at the PAGE with doubt and earnestness). Your parents - are they living? and your father - Serves he the king? Is he a Spaniard born? PAGE. He fell a colonel on St. Quentin's field, Served in the cavalry of Savoy's duke - His name Alonzo, Count of Henarez. CARLOS (taking his hand, and looking fixedly in his eyes). The king gave you this letter? PAGE (with emotion). Gracious prince, Have I deserved these doubts? CARLOS (reading the letter). "This key unlocks The back apartments in the queen's pavilion, The furthest room lies next a cabinet Wherein no listener's foot dare penetrate; Here may the voice of love without restraint Confess those tender feelings, which till now The heart with silent looks alone hath spoken. The timid lover gains an audience here, And sweet reward repays his secret sorrow." [As if awakening from a reverie. I am not in a dream, do not rave, This is my right hand, this my sword - and these Are written words. 'Tis true - it is no dream. I am beloved, I feel I am beloved. [Unable to contain himself, he rushes hastily through the room, and raises his arms to heaven. PAGE. Follow me, prince, and I will lead the way. CARLOS. Then let me first collect my scattered thoughts. The alarm of joy still trembles in my bosom. Did I e'er lift my fondest hopes so high, Or trust my fancy to so bold a flight? Show me the man can learn thus suddenly To be a god. I am not what I was. I feel another heaven - another sun That was not here before. She loves - she loves me! PAGE (leading him forward). But this is not the place: prince! you forget. CARLOS. The king! My father! [His arms sink, he casts a timid look around, then collecting himself. This is dreadful! Yes, You're right, my friend. I thank you: I was not Just then myself. To be compelled to silence, And bury in my heart this mighty bliss, Is terrible! [Taking the PAGE by the hand, and leading him aside. Now here! What thou hast seen, And what not seen, must be within thy breast Entombed as in the grave. So now depart; I shall not need thy guidance; they must not Surprise us here! Now go. [The PAGE is about to depart. Yet hold, a word! [The PAGE returns. CARLOS lays his hand on his shoulder, and looks him steadily in the face. A direful secret hast thou in thy keeping, Which, like a poison of terrific power, Shivers the cup that holds it into atoms. Guard every look of thine, nor let thy head Guess at thy bosom's secret. Be thou like The senseless speaking-trumpet that receives And echoes back the voice, but hears it not. Thou art a boy! Be ever so; continue The pranks of youth. My correspondent chose Her messenger of love with prudent skill! The king will ne'er suspect a serpent here. PAGE. And I, my prince, shall feel right proud to know I am one secret richer than the king. CARLOS. Vain, foolish boy! 'tis this should make thee tremble. Approach me ever with a cold respect: Ne'er be induced by idle pride to boast How gracious is the prince! No deadlier sin Canst thou commit, my son, than pleasing me. Whate'er thou hast in future for my ear, Give not to words; intrust not to thy lips, Ne'er on that common high road of the thoughts Permit thy news to travel. Speak with an eye, A finger; I will answer with a look. The very air, the light, are Philip's creatures, And the deaf walls around are in his pay. Some one approaches; fly, we'll meet again. [The QUEEN'S chamber opens, and DUKE ALVA comes out. PAGE. Be careful, prince, to find the right apartment. [Exit. CARLOS. It is the duke! Fear not, I'll find the way. SCENE V. DON CARLOS. DUDE OF ALVA. ALVA (meeting him). Two words, most gracious prince. CARLOS. Some other time. [Going. ALVA. The place is not the fittest, I confess; Perhaps your royal highness may be pleased To grant me audience in your private chamber. CARLOS. For what? And why not here? Only be brief. ALVA. The special object which has brought me hither, Is to return your highness lowly thanks For your good services. CARLOS. Thanks to me - For what? Duke Alva's thanks! ALVA. You scarce had left His majesty, ere I received in form Instructions to depart for Brussels. CARLOS. What! For Brussels! ALVA. And to what, most gracious prince, Must I ascribe this favor, but to you - Your intercession with the king? CARLOS. Ob, no! Not in the least to me; but, duke, you travel, So Heaven be with your grace! ALVA. And is this all? It seems, indeed, most strange! And has your highness No further orders, then, to send to Flanders? CARLOS. What should I have? ALVA. Not long ago, it seemed, The country's fate required your presence. CARLOS. How? But yes, you're right, - it was so formerly; But now this change is better as it is. ALVA. I am amazed - - CARLOS. You are an able general, No one doubts that - envy herself must own it. For me, I'm but a youth - so thought the king. CARLOS. The king was right, quite right. I see it now Myself, and am content - and so no more. God speed your journey, as you see, just now My hands are full, and weighty business presses. The rest to-morrow, or whene'er you will, Or when you come from Brussels. ALVA. What is this? CARLOS. The season favors, and your route will lie Through Milan, Lorraine, Burgundy, and on To Germany! What, Germany? Ay, true, In Germany it was - they know you there. 'Tis April now, May, June, - in July, then, Just so! or, at the latest, soon in August, - You will arrive in Brussels, and no doubt We soon shall hear of your victorious deeds. You know the way to win our high esteem, And earn the crown of fame. ALVA (significantly). Indeed! condemned By my own conscious insignificance! CARLOS. You're sensitive, my lord, and with some cause, I own it was not fair to use a weapon Against your grace you were unskilled to wield. ALVA. Unskilled! CARLOS. 'Tis pity I've no leisure now To fight this worthy battle fairly out But at some other time, we - - ALVA. Prince, we both Miscalculate - but still in opposite ways. You, for example, overrate your age By twenty years, whilst on the other band, I, by as many, underrate it - - CARLOS. Well ALVA. And this suggests the thought, how many nights Beside this lovely Lusitanian bride - Your mother - would the king right gladly give To buy an arm like this, to aid his crown. Full well he knows, far easier is the task To make a monarch than a monarchy; Far easier too, to stock the world with kings Than frame an empire for a king to rule. CARLOS. Most true, Duke Alva, yet - - ALVA. And how much blood, Your subjects' dearest blood, must flow in streams Before two drops could make a king of you. CARLOS. Most true, by heaven! and in two words comprised, All that the pride of merit has to urge Against the pride of fortune. But the moral - Now, Duke Alva! ALVA. Woe to the nursling babe Of royalty that mocks the careful hand Which fosters it! How calmly it may sleep On the soft cushion of our victories! The monarch's crown is bright with sparkling gems, But no eye sees the wounds that purchased them. This sword has given our laws to distant realms, Has blazed before the banner of the cross, And in these quarters of the globe has traced Ensanguined furrows for the seed of faith. God was the judge in heaven, and I on earth. CARLOS. God, or the devil - it little matters which; Yours was his chosen arm - that stands confessed. And now no more of this. Some thoughts there are Whereof the memory pains me. I respect My father's choice, - my father needs an Alva! But that he needs him is not just the point I envy in him: a great man you are, This may be true, and I well nigh believe it, Only I fear your mission is begun Some thousand years too soon. Alva, methinks, Were just the man to suit the end of time. Then when the giant insolence of vice Shall have exhausted Heaven's enduring patience, And the rich waving harvest of misdeeds Stand in full ear, and asks a matchless reaper, Then should you fill the post. O God! my paradise! My Flanders! But of this I must not think. 'Tis said you carry with you a full store Of sentences of death already signed. This shows a prudent foresight! No more need To fear your foes' designs, or secret plots: Oh, father! ill indeed I've understood thee. Calling thee harsh, to save me from a post, Where Alva's self alone can fitly shine! 'Twas an unerring token of your love. ALVA. These words deserve - - CARLOS. What! ALVA. But your birth protects you. CARLOS (seizing his sword). That calls for blood! Duke, draw your sword! ALVA (slightingly). On whom? CARLOS. (pressing upon him). Draw, or I run you through. ALVA. Then be it so. [They fight. SCENE VI. The QUEEN, DON CARLOS, DUKE ALVA. QUEEN (coming from her room alarmed). How! naked swords? [To the PRINCE in an indignant and commanding tone. Prince Carlos! CARLOS (agitated at the QUEEN's look, drops his arm, stands motionless, then rushes to the DUKE, and embraces him). Pardon, duke! Your pardon, sir! Forget, forgive it all! [Throws himself in silence at the QUEEN'S feet, then rising suddenly, departs in confusion. ALVA. By heaven, 'tis strange! QUEEN (remains a few moments as if in doubt, then retiring to her apartment). A word with you, Duke ALVA. [Exit, followed by the DUKE. SCENE VII. The PRINCESS EBOLI's apartment. The PRINCESS in a simple, but elegant dress, playing on the lute. The QUEEN's PAGE enters. PRINCESS (starting up suddenly) He comes! PAGE (abruptly). Are you alone? I wonder much He is not here already; but he must Be here upon the instant. PRINCESS. Do you say must! Then he will come, this much is certain then. PAGE. He's close upon my steps. You are beloved, Adored, and with more passionate regard Than mortal ever was, or can be loved. Oh! what a scene I witnessed! PRINCESS (impatiently draws him to her). Quick, you spoke With him! What said he? Tell me straight - How did he look? what were his words? And say - Did he appear embarrassed or confused And did he guess who sent the key to him? Be quick! or did he not? He did not guess At all, perhaps! or guessed amiss! Come, speak, How! not a word to answer me? Oh, fie! You never were so dull - so slow before, 'Tis past all patience. PAGE. Dearest lady, hear me! Both key and note I placed within his hands, In the queen's antechamber, and he started And gazed with wonder when I told him that A lady sent me! PRINCESS. Did he start? go on! That's excellent. Proceed, what next ensued? PAGE. I would have told him more, but he grew pale, And snatched the letter from my hand, and said With look of deadly menace, he knew all. He read the letter with confusion through, And straight began to tremble. PRINCESS. He knew all! He knew it all? Were those his very words? PAGE. He asked me, and again he asked, if you With your own hands had given me the letter? PRINCESS. If I? Then did he mention me by name? PAGE. By name! no name he mentioned: there might be Listeners, he said, about the palace, who Might to the king disclose it. PRINCESS (surprised). Said he that? PAGE. He further said, it much concerned the king; Deeply concerned - to know of that same letter. PRINCESS. The king! Nay, are you sure you heard him right? The king! Was that the very word he used? PAGE. It was. He called it a most perilous secret, And warned me to be strictly on my guard, Never with word or look to give the king Occasion for suspicion. PRINCESS (after a pause, with astonishment). All agrees! It can be nothing else - he must have heard The tale - 'tis very strange! Who could have told him, I wonder who? The eagle eye of love Alone could pierce so far. But tell me further - He read the letter. PAGE. Which, he said, conveyed Such bliss as made him tremble, and till then He had not dared to dream of. As he spoke The duke, by evil chance, approached the room, And this compelled us - - PRINCESS (angrily). What in all the world Could bring the duke to him at such a time? What can detain him? Why appears he not? See how you've been deceived; how truly blest Might he have been already - in the time You've taken to describe his wishes to me! PAGE. The duke, I fear - - PRINCESS. Again, the duke! What can The duke want here? What should a warrior want With my soft dreams of happiness? He should Have left him there, or sent him from his presence. Where is the man may not be treated thus? But Carlos seems as little versed in love As in a woman's heart - he little knows What minutes are. But hark! I hear a step; Away, away! [PAGE hastens out. Where have I laid my lute? I must not seem to wait for him. My song Shall be a signal to him. SCENE VIII. The PRINCESS, DON CARLOS. The PRINCESS has thrown herself upon an ottoman, and plays. CARLOS (rushes in; he recognizes the PRINCESS, and stands thunderstruck). Gracious Heaven! Where am I? PRINCESS (lets her lute fall, and meeting him) What? Prince Carlos! yes, in truth. CARLOS. Where am I? Senseless error; I have missed The right apartment. PRINCESS. With what dexterous skill Carlos contrives to hit the very room Where ladies sit alone! CARLOS. Your pardon, princess! I found - I found the antechamber open. PRINCESS. Can it be possible? I fastened it Myself; at least I thought so - - CARLOS. Ay! you thought, You only thought so; rest assured you did not. You meant to lock it, that I well believe: But most assuredly it was not locked. A lute's sweet sounds attracted me, some hand Touched it with skill; say, was it not a lute? [Looking round inquiringly. Yes, there it lies, and Heaven can bear me witness I love the lute to madness. I became All ear, forgot myself in the sweet strain, And rushed into the chamber to behold The lovely eyes of the divine musician Who charmed me with the magic of her tones. PRINCESS. Innocent curiosity, no doubt! But it was soon appeased, as I can prove. [After a short silence, significantly. I must respect the modesty that has, To spare a woman's blushes, thus involved Itself in so much fiction. CARLOS (with sincerity). Nay, I feel I but augment my deep embarrassment, In vain attempt to extricate myself. Excuse me for a part I cannot play. In this remote apartment, you perhaps Have sought a refuge from the world, to pour The inmost wishes of your secret heart Remote from man's distracting eye. By me, Unhappy that I am, your heavenly dreams Are all disturbed, and the atonement now Must be my speedy absence. [Going. PRINCESS (surprised and confused, but immediately recovering herself). Oh! that step Were cruel, prince, indeed! CARLOS. Princess, I feel What such a look in such a place imports: This virtuous embarrassment has claims To which my manhood never can be deaf. Woe to the wretch whose boldness takes new fire From the pure blush of maiden modesty! I am a coward when a woman trembles. PRINCESS. Is't possible? - such noble self-control In one so young, and he a monarch's son! Now, prince, indeed you shall remain with me, It is my own request, and you must stay. Near such high virtue, every maiden fear Takes wing at once; but your appearance here Disturbed me in a favorite air, and now Your penalty shall be to hear me sing it. CARLOS (sits down near the PRINCESS, not without reluctance). A penalty delightful as the sin! And sooth to say, the subject of the song Was so divine, again and yet again I'd gladly hear it. PRINCESS What! you heard it all? Nay, that was too bad, prince. It was, I think, A song of love. CARLOS. And of successful love, If I mistake not - dear delicious theme From those most beauteous lips - but scarce so true, Methinks, as beautiful. PRINCESS. What! not so true? Then do you doubt the tale? CARLOS. I almost doubt That Carlos and the Princess Eboli, When they discourse on such a theme as love, May not quite understand each other's hearts. [The PRINCESS starts; he observes it, and continues with playful gallantry. Who would believe those rosy-tinted cheeks Concealed a heart torn by the pangs of love. Is it within the range of wayward chance That the fair Princess Eboli should sigh Unheard - unanswered? Love is only known By him who hopelessly persists in love. PRINCESS (with all her former vivacity). Hush! what a dreadful thought! this fate indeed Appears to follow you of all mankind, Especially to-day. [Taking his hand with insinuating interest. You are not happy, Dear prince - you're sad! I know too well you suffer, And wherefore, prince? When with such loud appeal The world invites you to enjoy its bliss - And nature on you pours her bounteous gifts, And spreads around you all life's sweetest joys. You, a great monarch's son, and more - far more - E'en in your cradle with such gifts endowed As far eclipsed the splendor of your rank. You, who in those strict courts where women rule, And pass, without appeal, unerring sentence On manly worth and honor, even there Find partial judges. You, who with a look Can prove victorious, and whose very coldness Kindles aflame; and who, when warmed with passion, Can make a paradise, and scatter round The bliss of heaven, the rapture of the gods. The man whom nature has adorned with gifts To render thousands happy, gifts which she Bestows on few - that such a man as this Should know what misery is! Thou, gracious Heaven, That gavest him all those blessings, why deny Him eyes to see the conquests he has made? CARLOS (who has been lost in absence of mind, suddenly recovers himself by the silence of the PRINCESS, and starts up). Charming! inimitable! Princess, sing That passage, pray, again. PRINCESS (looking at him with astonishment). Where, Carlos, were Your thoughts the while? CARLOS (jumps up). By heaven, you do remind me In proper time - I must away - and quickly. PRINCESS (holding him back). Whither away? CARLOS. Into the open air. Nay, do not hold me, princess, for I feel As though the world behind me were in flames. PRINCESS (holding him forcibly back). What troubles you? Whence comes these strange, these wild, Unnatural looks? Nay, answer me! [CARLOS stops to reflect, she draws him to the sofa to her. Dear Carlos, You need repose, your blood is feverish. Come, sit by me: dispel these gloomy fancies. Ask yourself frankly can your head explain The tumult of your heart - and if it can - Say, can no knight be found in all the court, No lady, generous as fair, to cure you - Rather, I should have said, to understand you? What, no one? CARLOS (hastily, without thinking). If the Princess Eboli - - PRINCESS (delighted, quickly). Indeed! CARLOS. Would write a letter for me, a few words Of kindly intercession to my father; - They say your influence is great. PRINCESS. Who says so? [Aside. Ha! was it jealousy that held thee mute! CARLOS. Perchance my story is already public. I had a sudden wish to visit Brabant Merely to win my spurs - no more. The king, Kind soul, is fearful the fatigues of war Might spoil my singing! PRINCESS. Prince, you play me false! Confess that by this serpent subterfuge You would mislead me. Look me in the face, Deceitful one! and say would he whose thoughts Were only bent on warlike deeds - would he E'er stoop so low as, with deceitful hand, To steal fair ladies' ribbons when they drop, And then - your pardon! hoard them - with such care? [With light action she opens his shirt frill, and seizes a ribbon which is there concealed. CARLOS (drawing back with amazement). Nay, princess - that's too much - I am betrayed. You're not to be deceived. You are in league With spirits and with demons! PRINCESS. Are you then Surprised at this? What will you wager, Carlos But I recall some stories to your heart? Nay, try it with me; ask whate'er you please, And if the triflings of my sportive fancy - The sound half-uttered by the air absorbed - The smile of joy checked by returning gloom - If motions - looks from your own soul concealed Have not escaped my notice - judge if I Can err when thou wouldst have me understand thee? CARLOS. Why, this is boldly ventured; I accept The wager, princess. Then you undertake To make discoveries in my secret heart Unknown even to myself. PRINCESS (displeased, but earnestly). Unknown to thee! Reflect a moment, prince! Nay, look around; This boudoir's not the chamber of the queen, Where small deceits are practised with full license. You start, a sudden blush o'erspreads your face. Who is so bold, so idle, you would ask, As to watch Carlos when he deems himself From scrutiny secure? Who was it, then, At the last palace-ball observed you leave The queen, your partner, standing in the dance, And join, with eager haste, the neighboring couple, To offer to the Princess Eboli The hand your royal partner should have claimed? An error, prince, his majesty himself, Who just then entered the apartment, noticed. CARLOS (with ironical smile). His majesty? And did he really so? Of all men he should not have seen it. PRINCESS. Nor yet that other scene within the chapel, Which doubtless Carlos hath long since forgotten. Prostrate before the holy Virgin's image, You lay in prayer, when suddenly you heard - 'Twas not your fault - a rustling from behind Of ladies' dresses. Then did Philip's son, A youth of hero courage, tremble like A heretic before the holy office. On his pale lips died the half-uttered prayer. In ecstasy of passion, prince - the scene Was truly touching - for you seized the hand, The blessed Virgin's cold and holy hand, And showered your burning kisses on the marble. CARLOS. Princess, you wrong me: that was pure devotion! PRINCESS. Indeed! that's quite another thing. Perhaps It was the fear of losing, then, at cards, When you were seated with the queen and me, And you with dexterous skill purloined my glove. [CARLOS starts surprised. That prompted you to play it for a card? CARLOS. What words are these? O Heaven, what have I done? PRINCESS. Nothing I hope of which you need repent! How pleasantly was I surprised to find Concealed within the glove a little note, Full of the warmest tenderest romance, CARLOS (interrupting her suddenly). Mere poetry! no more. My fancy teems With idle bubbles oft, which break as soon As they arise - and this was one of them; So, prithee, let us talk of it no more. PRINCESS (leaving him with astonishment, and regarding him for some time at a distance). I am exhausted - all attempts are vain To hold this youth. He still eludes my grasp. [Remains silent a few moments. But stay! Perchance 'tis man's unbounded pride, That thus to add a zest to my delight. Assumes a mask of timid diffidence. 'Tis so. [She approaches the PRINCE again, and looks at him doubtingly. Explain yourself, prince, I entreat you. For here I stand before a magic casket, Which all my keys are powerless to unlock. CARLOS. As I before you stand. PRINCESS (leaves him suddenly, walks a few steps up and down in silence, apparently lost in deep thought. After a pause, gravely and solemnly). Then thus at last - I must resolve to speak, and Carlos, you Shall be my judge. Yours is a noble nature, You are a prince - a knight - a man of honor. I throw myself upon your heart - protect me Or if I'm lost beyond redemption's power, Give me your tears in pity for my fate. [The PRINCE draws nearer. A daring favorite of the king demands My hand - his name Ruy Gomez, Count of Silva, The king consents - the bargain has been struck, And I am sold already to his creature. CARLOS (with evident emotion). Sold! you sold! Another bargain, then, Concluded by this royal southern trader! PRINCESS. No; but hear all - 'tis not enough that I Am sacrificed to cold state policy, A snare is laid to entrap my innocence. Here is a letter will unmask the saint! [CARLOS takes the paper, and without reading it listens with impatience to her recital. Where Shall I find protection, prince? Till now My virtue was defended by my pride, At length - - CARLOS. At length you yielded! Yielded? No. For God's sake say not so! PRINCESS. Yielded! to whom? Poor piteous reasoning. Weak beyond contempt Your haughty minds, who hold a woman's favor, And love's pure joys, as wares to traffic for! Love is the only treasure on the face Of this wide earth that knows no purchaser Besides itself - love has no price but love. It is the costly gem, beyond all price, Which I must freely give away, or - bury For ever unenjoyed - like that proud merchant Whom not the wealth of all the rich Rialto Could tempt - a great rebuke to kings! to save From the deep ocean waves his matchless pearl, Too proud to barter it beneath its worth! CARLOS (aside). Now, by great heaven, this woman's beautiful. PRINCESS. Call it caprice or pride, I ne'er will make Division of my joys. To him, alone, I choose as mine, I give up all forever. One only sacrifice I make; but that Shall be eternal. One true heart alone My love shall render happy: but that one I'll elevate to God. The keen delight Of mingling souls - the kiss - the swimming joys Of that delicious hour when lovers meet, The magic power of heavenly beauty - all Are sister colors of a single ray - Leaves of one single blossom. Shall I tear One petal from this sweet, this lovely flower, With reckless hand, and mar its beauteous chalice? Shall I degrade the dignity of woman, The masterpiece of the Almighty's hand, To charm the evening of a reveller? CARLOS. Incredible! that in Madrid should dwell This matchless creature! and unknown to me Until this day. PRINCESS. Long since had I forsaken This court - the world - and in some blest retreat Immured myself; but one tie binds me still Too firmly to existence. Perhaps - alas! 'Tis but a phantom - but 'tis dear to me. I love - but am not loved in turn. CARLOS (full of ardor, going towards her). You are! As true as God is throned in heaven! I swear You are - you are unspeakably beloved. PRINCESS. You swear it, you! - sure 'twas an angel's voice. Oh, if you swear it, Carlos, I'll believe it. Then I am truly loved! CARLOS (embracing her with tenderness). Bewitching maid, Thou creature worthy of idolatry I stand before thee now all eye, all ear, All rapture and delight. What eye hath seen thee - Under yon heaven what eye could e'er have seen thee, And boast he never loved? What dost thou here In Philip's royal court! Thou beauteous angel! Here amid monks and all their princely train. This is no clime for such a lovely flower - They fain would rifle all thy sweets - full well I know their hearts. But it shall never be - Not whilst I draw life's breath. I fold thee thus Within my arms, and in these hands I'll bear thee E'en through a hell replete with mocking fiends. Let me thy guardian angel prove. PRINCESS (with a countenance full of love). O Carlos! How little have I known thee! and how richly With measureless reward thy heart repays The weighty task of - comprehending thee! [She takes his hand and is about to kiss it. CARLOS (drawing it back). Princess! What mean you? PRINCESS (with tenderness and grace, looking at his hand attentively). Oh, this beauteous hand! How lovely 'tis, and rich! This hand has yet Two costly presents to bestow! - a crown - And Carlos' heart: - and both these gifts perchance Upon one mortal! - both on one - Oh, great And godlike gift-almost too much for one! How if you share the treasure, prince! A queen Knows naught of love - and she who truly loves Cares little for a crown! 'Twere better, prince, Then to divide the treasure - and at once - What says my prince? Have you done so already? Have you in truth? And do I know the blest one? CARLOS. Thou shalt. I will unfold myself to thee, To thy unspotted innocence, dear maid, Thy pure, unblemished nature. In this court Thou art the worthiest - first - the only one To whom this soul has stood revealed. Then, yes! I will not now conceal it - yes, I love! PRINCESS. Oh, cruel heart! Does this avowal prove So painful to thee? Must I first deserve Thy pity - ere I hope to win thy love? CARLOS (starting). What say'st thou? PRINCESS. So to trifle with me, prince! Indeed it was not well - and to deny The key - - CARLOS. The key! the key! Oh yes, 'tis so! [After a dead silence. I see it all too plainly! Gracious heaven! [His knees totter, he leans against a chair, and covers his face with his hands. A long silence on both sides. The PRINCESS screams and falls. PRINCESS. Oh, horrible! What have I done! CARLOS. Hurled down So far from all my heavenly joys! 'Tis dreadful! PRINCESS (hiding her face in the cushion). Oh, God! What have I said? CARLOS (kneeling before her). I am not guilty. My passion - an unfortunate mistake - By heaven, I am not guilty - - PRINCESS (pushing him from her). Out of my sight, For heaven's sake! CARLOS. No, I will not leave thee thus. In this dread anguish leave thee - - PRINCESS (pushing him forcibly away). Oh, in pity - For mercy's sake, away - out of my sight! Wouldst thou destroy me? How I hate thy presence! [CARLOS going. Give, give me back the letter and the key. Where is the other letter? CARLOS. The other letter? PRINCESS. That from the king, to me - - CARLOS (terrified). From whom? PRINCESS. The one I just now gave you. CARLOS. From the king! To you! PRINCESS. Oh, heavens, how dreadfully have I Involved myself! The letter, sir! I must Have it again. CARLOS. The letter from the king! To you! PRINCESS. The letter! give it, I implore you By all that's sacred! give it. CARLOS. What, the letter That will unmask the saint! Is this the letter? PRINCESS. Now I'm undone! Quick, give it me - - CARLOS. The letter - - PRINCESS (wringing her hands in despair). What have I done? O dreadful, dire imprudence! CARLOS. This letter comes, then, from the king! Princess, That changes all indeed, and quickly, too. This letter is beyond all value - priceless! All Philip's crowns are worthless, and too poor To win it from my hands. I'll keep this letter. PRINCESS (throwing herself prostrate before him as he is going). Almighty Heaven! then I am lost forever. [Exit CARLOS. SCENE IX. The PRINCESS alone. She seems overcome with surprise, and is confounded. After CARLOS' departure she hastens to call him back. PRINCESS. Prince, but one word! Prince, hear me. He is gone. And this, too, I am doomed to bear - his scorn! And I am left in lonely wretchedness, Rejected and despised! [Sinks down upon a chair. After a pause And yet not so; I'm but displaced - supplanted by some wanton. He loves! of that no longer doubt is left; He has himself confessed it - but my rival - Who can she be? Happy, thrice happy one! This much stands clear: he loves where he should not. He dreads discovery, and from the king He hides his guilty passion! Why from him Who would so gladly hail it? Or, is it not The father that he dreads so in the parent? When the king's wanton purpose was disclosed, His features glowed with triumph, boundless joy Flashed in his eyes, his rigid virtue fled; Why was it mute in such a cause as this? Why should he triumph? What hath he to gain If Philip to his queen - - [She stops suddenly, as if struck by a thought, then drawing hastily from her bosom the ribbon which she had taken from CARLOS, she seems to recognize it. Fool that I am! At length 'tis plain. Where have my senses been? My eyes are opened now. They loved each other Long before Philip wooed her, and the prince Ne'er saw me but with her! She, she alone Was in his thoughts when I believed myself The object of his true and boundless love. O matchless error! and have I betrayed My weakness to her? [Pauses. Should his love prove hopeless? Who can believe it? Would a hopeless love Persist in such a struggle? Called to revel In joys for which a monarch sighs in vain! A hopeless love makes no such sacrifice. What fire was in his kiss! How tenderly He pressed my bosom to his beating heart! Well nigh the trial had proved dangerous To his romantic, unrequited passion! With joy he seized the key he fondly thought The queen had sent: - in this gigantic stride Of love he puts full credence - and he comes - In very truth comes here - and so imputes To Philip's wife a deed so madly rash. And would he so, had love not made him bold? 'Tis clear as day - his suit is heard - she loves! By heaven, this saintly creature burns with passion; How subtle, too, she is! With fear I trembled Before this lofty paragon of virtue! She towered beside me, an exalted being, And in her beams I felt myself eclipsed; I envied her the lovely, cloudless calm, That kept her soul from earthly tumults free. And was this soft serenity but show? Would she at both feasts revel, holding up Her virtue's godlike splendor to our gaze, And riot in the secret joys of vice? And shall the false dissembler cozen thus, And win a safe immunity from this That no avenger comes? By heavens she shall not! I once adored her, - that demands revenge: - The king shall know her treachery - the king! [After a pause. 'Tis the sure way to win the monarch's ear! [Exit. SCENE X. A chamber in the royal palace. DUKE OF ALVA, FATHER DOMINGO. DOMINGO. Something to tell me! ALVA. Ay! a thing of moment, Of which I made discovery to-day, And I would have your judgment on it. DOMINGO. How! Discovery! To what do you allude? ALVA. Prince Carlos and myself this morning met In the queen's antechamber. I received An insult from him - we were both in heat - The strife grew loud - and we had drawn our swords. Alarmed, from her apartments rushed the queen. She stepped between us, - with commanding eye Of conscious power, she looked upon the prince. 'Twas but a single glance, - but his arm dropped, He fell upon my bosom - gave me then A warm embrace, and vanished. DOMINGO (after a pause). This seems strange. It brings a something to my mind, my lord! And thoughts like these I own have often sprung Within my breast; but I avoid such fancies - To no one have I e'er confided them. There are such things as double-edged swords And untrue friends, - I fear them both. 'Tis hard to judge among mankind, but still more hard To know them thoroughly. Words slipped at random Are confidants offended - therefore I Buried my secret in my breast, till time Should drag it forth to light. 'Tis dangerous To render certain services to kings. They are the bolts, which if they miss the mark, Recoil upon the archer! I could swear Upon the sacrament to what I saw. Yet one eye-witness - one word overheard - A scrap of paper - would weigh heavier far Than my most strong conviction! Cursed fate That we are here in Spain! ALVA. And why in Spain? DOMINGO. There is a chance in every court but this For passion to forget itself, and fall. Here it is warned by ever-wakeful laws. Our Spanish queens would find it hard to sin - And only there do they meet obstacles, Where best 'twould serve our purpose to surprise them. ALVA. But listen further: Carlos had to-day An audience of the king; the interview Lasted an hour, and earnestly he sought The government of Flanders for himself. Loudly he begged, and fervently. I heard him In the adjoining cabinet. His eyes Were red with tears when I encountered him. At noon he wore a look of lofty triumph, And vowed his joy at the king's choice of me. He thanked the king. "Matters are changed," he said, "And things go better now." He's no dissembler: How shall I reconcile such contradictions? The prince exults to see himself rejected, And I receive a favor from the king With marks of anger! What must I believe? In truth this new-born dignity doth sound Much more like banishment than royal favor! DOMINGO. And is it come to this at last? to this? And has one moment crumbled into dust What cost us years to build? And you so calm, So perfectly at ease! Know you this youth? Do you foresee the fate we may expect Should he attain to power? The prince! No foe Am I of his. Far other cares than these Gnaw at my rest - cares for the throne - for God, And for his holy church! The royal prince - (I know him, I can penetrate his soul), Has formed a horrible design, Toledo! The wild design - to make himself the regent, And set aside our pure and sacred faith. His bosom glows with some new-fangled virtue, Which, proud and self-sufficient, scorns to rest For strength on any creed. He dares to think! His brain is all on fire with wild chimeras; He reverences the people! And is this A man to be our king? ALVA. Fantastic dreams! No more. A boy's ambition, too, perchance To play some lofty part! What can he less? These thoughts will vanish when he's called to rule. DOMINGO. I doubt it! Of his freedom he is proud, And scorns those strict restraints all men must bear Who hope to govern others. Would he suit Our throne? His bold gigantic mind Would burst the barriers of our policy. In vain I sought to enervate his soul In the loose joys of this voluptuous age. He stood the trial. Fearful is the spirit That rules this youth; and Philip soon will see His sixtieth year. ALVA. Your vision stretches far! DOMINGO. He and the queen are both alike in this. Already works, concealed in either breast, The poisonous wish for change and innovation. Give it but way, 'twill quickly reach the throne. I know this Valois! We may tremble for The secret vengeance of this quiet foe If Philip's weakness hearken to her voice! Fortune so far hath smiled upon us. Now We must anticipate the foe, and both Shall fall together in one fatal snare. Let but a hint of such a thing be dropped Before the king, proved or unproved, it reeks not! Our point is gained if he but waver. We Ourselves have not a doubt; and once convinced, 'Tis easy to convince another's mind. Be sure we shall discover more if we Start with the faith that more remains concealed. ALVA. But soft! A vital question! Who is he Will undertake the task to tell the king? DOMINGO. Nor you, nor I! Now shall you learn, what long My busy spirit, full of its design, Has been at work with, to achieve its ends. Still is there wanting to complete our league A third important personage. The king Loves the young Princess Eboli - and I Foster this passion for my own designs. I am his go-between. She shall be schooled Into our plot. If my plan fail me not, In this young lady shall a close ally - A very queen, bloom for us. She herself Asked me, but now, to meet her in this chamber. I'm full of hope. And in one little night A Spanish maid may blast this Valois lily. ALVA. What do you say! Can I have heard aright? By Heaven! I'm all amazement. Compass this, And I'll bow down to thee, Dominican! The day's our own. DOMINGO. Soft! Some one comes: 'tis she - 'Tis she herself! ALVA. I'm in the adjoining room If you should - - DOMINGO. Be it so: I'll call you in. [Exit ALVA. SCENE XI. PRINCESS, DOMINGO. DOMINGO. At your command, princess. PRINCESS. We are perhaps Not quite alone? [Looking inquisitively after the DUKE. You have, as I observe, A witness still by you. DOMINGO. How? PRINCESS. Who was he, That left your side but now? DOMINGO. It was Duke ALVA. Most gracious princess, he requests you will Admit him to an audience after me. PRINCESS. Duke Alva! How? What can he want with me? You can, perhaps, inform me? DOMINGO. I? - and that Before I learn to what important chance I owe the favor, long denied, to stand Before the Princess Eboli once more? [Pauses awaiting her answer. Has any circumstance occurred at last To favor the king's wishes? Have my hopes Been not in vain, that more deliberate thought Would reconcile you to an offer which Caprice alone and waywardness could spurn? I seek your presence full of expectation - - PRINCESS. Was my last answer to the king conveyed? DOMINGO. I have delayed to inflict this mortal wound. There still is time, it rests with you, princess, To mitigate its rigor. PRINCESS. Tell the king That I expect him. DOMINGO. May I, lovely princess, Indeed accept this as your true reply? PRINCESS. I do not jest. By heaven, you make me tremble What have I done to make e'en you grow pale? DOMINGO. Nay, lady, this surprise - so sudden - I Can scarcely comprehend it. PRINCESS. Reverend sir! You shall not comprehend it. Not for all The world would I you comprehended it. Enough for you it is so - spare yourself The trouble to investigate in thought, Whose eloquence hath wrought this wondrous change. But for your comfort let me add, you have No hand in this misdeed, - nor has the church. Although you've proved that cases might arise Wherein the church, to gain some noble end, Might use the persons of her youthful daughters! Such reasonings move not me; such motives, pure, Right reverend sir, are far too high for me. DOMINGO. When they become superfluous, your grace, I willingly retract them. PRINCESS. Seek the king, And ask him as from me, that he will not Mistake me in this business. What I have been That am I still. 'Tis but the course of things Has changed. When I in anger spurned his suit, I deemed him truly happy in possessing Earth's fairest queen. I thought his faithful wife Deserved my sacrifice. I thought so then, But now I'm undeceived. DOMINGO. Princess, go on! I hear it all - we understand each other. PRINCESS. Enough. She is found out. I will not spare her. The hypocrite's unmasked! - She has deceived The king, all Spain, and me. She loves, I know She loves! I can bring proofs that will make you tremble. The king has been deceived - but he shall not, By heaven, go unrevenged! The saintly mask Of pure and superhuman self-denial I'll tear from her deceitful brow, that all May see the forehead of the shameless sinner. 'Twill cost me dear, but here my triumph lies, That it will cost her infinitely more. DOMINGO. Now all is ripe, let me call in the duke. [Goes out. PRINCESS (astonished). What means all this? SCENE XII. The PRINCESS, DUKE ALVA, DOMINGO. DOMINGO (leading the DUKE in). Our tidings, good my lord, Come somewhat late. The Princess Eboli Reveals to us a secret we had meant Ourselves to impart to her. ALVA. My visit, then, Will not so much surprise her, but I never Trust my own eyes in these discoveries. They need a woman's more discerning glance. PRINCESS. Discoveries! How mean you? DOMINGO. Would we knew What place and fitter season you - - PRINCESS. Just So! To-morrow noon I will expect you both. Reasons I have why this clandestine guilt Should from the king no longer be concealed. ALVA. 'Tis this that brings us here. The king must know it. And he shall hear the news from you, princess, From you alone: - for to what tongue would he Afford such ready credence as to yours, Friend and companion ever of his spouse? DOMINGO. As yours, who more than any one at will Can o'er him exercise supreme command. ALVA. I am the prince's open enemy. DOMINGO. And that is what the world believes of me. The Princess Eboli's above suspicion. We are compelled to silence, but your duty, The duty of your office, calls on you To speak. The king shall not escape our hands. Let your hints rouse him, we'll complete the work. ALVA. It must be done at once, without delay; Each moment now is precious. In an hour The order may arrive for my departure. DOMINGO (after a short pause, turns to the PRINCESS). Cannot some letters be discovered? Truly, An intercepted letter from the prince Would work with rare effect. Ay! let me see - Is it not so? You sleep, princess, I think, In the same chamber with her majesty? PRINCESS. The next to hers. But of what use is that? DOMINGO. Oh, for some skill in locks! Have you observed Where she is wont to keep her casket key? PRINCESS (in thought). Yes, that might lead to something; yes, I think The key is to be found. DOMINGO. Letters, you know, Need messengers. Her retinue is large; Who do you think could put us on the scent? Gold can do much. ALVA. Can no one tell us whether The prince has any trusty confidant? DOMINGO. Not one; in all Madrid not one. ALVA. That's strange! DOMINGO. Rely on me in this. He holds in scorn The universal court. I have my proofs. ALVA. Stay! It occurs to me, as I was leaving The queen's apartments, I beheld the prince In private conference with a page of hers. PRINCESS (suddenly interrupting). O no! that must have been of something else. DOMINGO. Could we not ascertain the fact? It seems Suspicious. [To the DUKE. Did you know the page, my lord! PRINCESS. Some trifle; what else could it be? Enough, I'm sure of that. So we shall meet again Before I see the king; and by that time We may discover much. DOMINGO (leading her aside). What of the king? Say, may he hope? May I assure him so? And the entrancing hour which shall fulfil His fond desires, what shall I say of that? PRINCESS. In a few days I will feign sickness, and Shall be excused from waiting on the queen. Such is, you know, the custom of the court, And I may then remain in my apartment. DOMINGO. 'Tis well devised! Now the great game is won, And we may bid defiance to all queens! PRINCESS. Hark! I am called. I must attend the queen, So fare you well. [Exit. SCENE XIII. ALVA and DOMINGO. DOMINGO (after a pause, during which he has watched the PRINCESS). My lord! these roses, and - Your battles - - ALVA. And your god! - why, even so Thus we'll await the lightning that will scathe us! [Exeunt. SCENE XIV. A Carthusian Convent. DON CARLOS and the PRIOR. CARLOS (to the PRIOR, as he comes in). Been here already? I am sorry for it. PRIOR. Yes, thrice since morning. 'Tis about an hour Since he went hence. CARLOS. But he will sure return. Has he not left some message? PRIOR. Yes; he promised To come again at noon. CARLOS (going to a window, and looking round the country). Your convent lies Far from the public road. Yonder are seen The turrets of Madrid - just so - and there The Mansanares flows. The scenery is Exactly to my wish, and all around Is calm and still as secrecy itself. PRIOR. Or as the entrance to another world. CARLOS. Most worthy sir, to your fidelity And honor, have I now intrusted all I hold most dear and sacred in the world. No mortal man must know, or even suspect, With whom I here hold secret assignation. Most weighty reasons prompt me to deny, To all the world, the friend whom I expect, Therefore I choose this convent. Are we safe From traitors and surprise? You recollect What you have sworn. PRIOR. Good sir, rely on us. A king's suspicion cannot pierce the grave, And curious ears haunts only those resorts Where wealth and passion dwell - but from these walls The world's forever banished. CARLOS. You may think, Perhaps, beneath this seeming fear and caution There lies a guilty conscience? PRIOR. I think nothing. CARLOS. If you imagine this, most holy father, You err - indeed you err. My secret shuns The sight of man - but not the eye of God. PRIOR. Such things concern us little. This retreat To guilt, and innocence alike, is open, And whether thy designs be good or ill, Thy purpose criminal or virtuous, - that We leave to thee to settle with thy heart. CARLOS (with warmth). Our purpose never can disgrace your God. 'Tis his own noblest work. To you indeed, I may reveal it. PRIOR. To what end, I pray? Forego, dear prince, this needless explanation. The world and all its troubles have been long Shut from my thoughts - in preparation for My last long journey. Why recall them to me For the brief space that must precede my death? 'Tis little for salvation that we need - But the bell rings, and summons me to prayer. [Exit PRIOR. SCENE XV. DON CARLOS; the MARQUIS POSA enters. CARLOS. At length once more, - at length - - MARQUIS. Oh, what a trial For the impatience of a friend! The sun Has risen twice - twice set - since Carlos' fate Has been resolved, and am I only now To learn it: speak, - you're reconciled! CARLOS. With whom? MARQUIS. The king! And Flanders, too, - its fate is settled! CARLOS. The duke sets out to-morrow. That is fixed. MARQUIS. That cannot be - it is not surely so. Can all Madrid be so deceived? 'Tis said You had a private audience, and the king - - CARLOS. Remained inflexible, and we are now Divided more than ever. MARQUIS. Do you go To Flanders? CARLOS. No! MARQUIS. Alas! my blighted hopes! CARLOS. Of this hereafter. Oh, Roderigo! since We parted last, what have I not endured? But first thy counsel? I must speak with her! MARQUIS. Your mother? No! But wherefore? CARLOS. I have hopes - But you turn pale! Be calm - I should be happy. And I shall be so: but of this anon - Advise me now, how I may speak with her. MARQUIS. What mean you? What new feverish dream is this? CARLOS. By the great God of wonders 'tis no dream! 'Tis truth, reality - - [Taking out the KING's letter to the PRINCESS EBOLI. Contained in this Important paper - yes, the queen is free, - Free before men and in the eyes of heaven; There read, and cease to wonder at my words. MARQUIS (opening the letter). What do I here behold? The king's own hand! [After he has read it. To whom addressed? CARLOS. To Princess Eboli. Two days ago, a page who serves the queen, Brought me, from unknown hands, a key and letter, Which said that in the left wing of the palace, Where the queen lodges, lay a cabinet, - That there a lady whom I long had loved Awaited me. I straight obeyed the summons. MARQUIS. Fool! madman! you obeyed it - - CARLOS. Not that I The writing knew; but there was only one Such woman, who could think herself adored By Carlos. With delight intoxicate I hastened to the spot. A heavenly song, Re-echoing from the innermost apartment, Served me for guide. I reached the cabinet - I entered and beheld - conceive my wonder! MARQUIS. I guess it all - - CARLOS. I had been lost forever, But that I fell into an angel's hands! She, hapless chance, by my imprudent looks, Deceived, had yielded to the sweet delusion And deemed herself the idol of my soul. Moved by the silent anguish of my breast, With thoughtless generosity, her heart Nobly determined to return my love; Deeming respectful fear had caused my silence, She dared to speak, and all her lovely soul Laid bare before me. MARQUIS. And with calm composure, You tell this tale! The Princess Eboli Saw through your heart; and doubtless she has pierced The inmost secret of your hidden love. You've wronged her deeply, and she rules the king. CARLOS (confidently). But she is virtuous! MARQUIS. She may be so From love's mere selfishness. But much I fear Such virtue - well I know it: know how little It hath the power to soar to that ideal, Which, first conceived in sweet and stately grace, From the pure soul's maternal soil, puts forth Spontaneous shoots, nor asks the gardener's aid To nurse its lavish blossoms into life. 'Tis but a foreign plant, with labor reared, And warmth that poorly imitates the south, In a cold soil and an unfriendly clime. Call it what name you will - or education, Or principle, or artificial virtue Won from the heat of youth by art and cunning, In conflicts manifold - all noted down With scrupulous reckoning to that heaven's account, Which is its aim, and will requite its pains. Ask your own heart! Can she forgive the queen That you should scorn her dearly-purchased virtue, To pine in hopeless love for Philip's wife. CARLOS. Knowest thou the princess, then, so well? MARQUIS. Not I - I've scarcely seen her twice. And yet thus much I may remark. To me she still appears To shun alone the nakedness of vice, Too weakly proud of her imagined virtue. And then I mark the queen. How different, Carlos, Is everything that I behold in her! In native dignity, serene and calm, Wearing a careless cheerfulness - unschooled In all the trained restraints of conduct, far Removed from boldness and timidity, With firm, heroic step, she walks along The narrow middle path of rectitude, Unconscious of the worship she compels, Where she of self-approval never dreamed. Say, does my Carlos in this mirror trace The features of his Eboli? The princess Was constant while she loved; love was the price, The understood condition of her virtue. You failed to pay that price - 'twill therefore fall. CARLOS (with warmth). No, no! [Hastily pacing the apartment. I tell thee, no! And, Roderigo, Ill it becomes thee thus to rob thy Carlos Of his high trust in human excellence, His chief, his dearest joy! MARQUIS. Deserve I this? Friend of my soul, this would I never do - By heaven I would not. Oh, this Eboli! She were an angel to me, and before Her glory would I bend me prostrate down, In reverence deep as thine, if she were not The mistress of thy secret. CARLOS. See how vain, How idle are thy fears! What proofs has she That will not stamp her maiden brow with shame? Say, will she purchase with her own dishonor The wretched satisfaction of revenge? MARQUIS. Ay! to recall a blush, full many a one Has doomed herself to infamy. CARLOS (with increased vehemence). Nay, that Is far too harsh - and cruel! She is proud And noble; well I know her, and fear nothing. Vain are your efforts to alarm my hopes. I must speak to my mother. MARQUIS. Now? for what? CARLOS. Because I've nothing more to care for now. And I must know my fate. Only contrive That I may speak with her. MARQUIS. And wilt thou show This letter to her? CARLOS. Question me no more, But quickly find the means that I may see her. MARQUIS (significantly). Didst thou not tell me that thou lov'st thy mother? And wouldst thou really show this letter to her? [CARLOS fixes his eyes on the ground, and remains silent. I read a something, Carlos, in thy looks Unknown to me before. Thou turn'st thine eyes Away from me. Then it is true, and have I Judged thee aright? Here, let me see that paper. [CARLOS gives him the letter, and the MARQUIS tears it. CARLOS. What! art thou mad? [Moderating his warmth. In truth - I must confess it, That letter was of deepest moment to me. MARQUIS. So it appeared: on that account I tore it. [The MARQUIS casts a penetrating look on the PRINCE, who surveys him with doubt and surprise. A long silence. Now speak to me with candor, Carlos. What Have desecrations of the royal bed To do with thee - thy love? Dost thou fear Philip? How are a husband's violated duties Allied with thee and thy audacious hopes? Has he sinned there, where thou hast placed thy love? Now then, in truth, I learn to comprehend thee - How ill till now I've understood thy love! CARLOS. What dost thou think, Roderigo? MARQUIS. Oh, I feel From what it is that I must wean myself. Once it was otherwise! Yes, once thy soul Was bounteous, rich, and warm, and there was room For a whole world in thy expanded heart. Those feelings are extinct - all swallowed up In one poor, petty, selfish passion. Now Thy heart is withered, dead! No tears last thou For the unhappy fate of wretched Flanders - No, not another tear. Oh, Carlos! see How poor, how beggarly, thou hast become, Since all thy love has centered in thyself! CARLOS (flings himself into a chair. After a pause, with scarcely suppressed tears). Too well I know thou lovest me no more! MARQUIS. Not so, my Carlos. Well I understand This fiery passion: 'tis the misdirection Of feelings pure and noble in themselves. The queen belonged to thee: the king, thy father, Despoiled thee of her - yet till now thou hast Been modestly distrustful of thy claims. Philip, perhaps, was worthy of her! Thou Scarce dared to breathe his sentence in a whisper - This letter has resolved thy doubts, and proved Thou art the worthier man. With haughty joy Thou saw'st before thee rise the doom that waits On tyranny convicted of a theft, But thou wert proud to be the injured one: Wrongs undeserved great souls can calmly suffer, Yet here thy fancy played thee false: thy pride Was touched with satisfaction, and thy heart Allowed itself to hope: I plainly saw This time, at least, thou didst not know thyself. CARLOS (with emotion). Thou'rt wrong, Roderigo; for my thoughts were far Less noble than thy goodness would persuade me. MARQUIS. And am I then e'en here so little known? See, Carlos, when thou errest, 'tis my way, Amid a hundred virtues, still to find That one to which I may impute thy fall. Now, then, we understand each other better, And thou shalt have an audience of the queen. CARLOS (falling on his neck). Oh, how I blush beside thee! MARQUIS. Take my word, And leave the rest to me. A wild, bold thought, A happy thought is dawning in my mind; And thou shalt hear it from a fairer mouth, I hasten to the queen. Perhaps to-morrow Thy wish may be achieved. Till then, my Carlos, Forget not this - "That a design conceived Of lofty reason, which involves the fate, The sufferings of mankind, though it be baffled Ten thousand times, should never be abandoned." Dost hear? Remember Flanders. CARLOS. Yes! all, all That thou and virtue bid me not forget. MARQUIS (going to a window). The time is up - I hear thy suite approaching. [They embrace. Crown prince again, and the vassal. CARLOS. Dost thou go Straight to Madrid? MARQUIS. Yes, straight. CARLOS. Hold! one word more. How nearly it escaped me! Yet 'twas news Of deep importance. "Every letter now Sent to Brabant is opened by the king!" So be upon thy guard. The royal post Has secret orders. MARQUIS. How have you learned this? CARLOS. Don Raymond Taxis is my trusty friend. MARQUIS (after a pause). Well! then they may be sent through Germany. [Exeunt on different sides. ACT III. SCENE I. The king's bedchamber. On the toilet two burning lights. In the background several pages asleep resting on their knees. The KING, in half undress, stands before the table, with one arm bent over the chair, in a reflecting posture. Before him is a medallion and papers. KING. Of a warm fancy she has ever been! Who can deny it? I could never love her, Yet has she never seemed to miss my love. And so 'tis plain - she's false! [Makes a movement which brings him to himself. He looks round with surprise. Where have I been? Is no one watching here, then, save the king? The light's burnt out, and yet it is not day. I must forego my slumbers for to-night. Take it, kind nature, for enjoyed! No time Have monarchs to retrieve the nights they lose. I'm now awake, and day it shall be. [He puts out the candles, and draws aside the window-curtain. He observes the sleeping pages - remains for some time standing before them - then rings a bell. All Asleep within the antechamber, too? SCENE II. The KING, COUNT LERMA. LERMA (surprised at seeing the KING). Does not your majesty feel well? KING. The left Pavilion of the palace was in flames: Did you not hear the alarum? LERMA. No, my liege. KING. No! What? And did I only dream it then? 'Twas surely real! Does not the queen sleep there? LERMA. She does, your majesty. KING. This dream affrights me! In future let the guards be doubled there As soon as it grows dark. Dost hear? And yet Let it be done in secret. I would not - - Why do you gaze on me? LERMA. Your bloodshot eyes, I mark, that beg repose. Dare I remind My liege of an inestimable life, And of your subjects, who with pale dismay Would in such features read of restless nights? But two brief hours of morning sleep would - - KING (with troubled look). Shall I find sleep within the Escurial? Let the king sleep, and he may lose his crown, The husband, his wife's heart. But no! not so; This is but slander. Was it not a woman Whispered the crime to me? Woman, thy name Is calumny? The deed I'll hold unproved, Until a man confirms the fatal truth! [To the pages, who in the meanwhile have awaked. Summon Duke Alva! [Pages go. Count, come nearer to me. [Fixes a searching look on the COUNT. Is all this true? Oh for omniscience now, Though but so long as a man's pulse might beat. Is it true? Upon your oath! Am I deceived? LERMA. My great, my best of kings! KING (drawing back). King! naught but king! And king again! No better answer than Mere hollow echo! When I strike this rock For water, to assuage my burning thirst, It gives me molten gold. LERMA. What true, my liege? KING. Oh, nothing, nothing! Leave me! Get thee gone! [The COUNT going, the KING calls him back again. Say, are you married? and are you a father? LERMA. I am, your majesty. KING. What! married - yet You dare to watch a night here with your king! Your hair is gray, and yet you do not blush To think your wife is honest. Get thee home; You'll find her locked, this moment, in your son's Incestuous embrace. Believe your king. Now go; you stand amazed; you stare at me With searching eye, because of my gray hairs. Unhappy man, reflect. Queens never taint Their virtue thus: doubt it, and you shall die! LERMA (with warmth). Who dare do so? In all my monarch's realms Who has the daring hardihood to breathe Suspicion on her angel purity? To slander thus the best of queens - - KING. The best! The best, from you, too! She has ardent friends, I find, around. It must have cost her much - More than methinks she could afford to give. You are dismissed; now send the duke to me. LERMA. I hear him in the antechamber. [Going. KING (with a milder tone). Count, What you observed is very true. My head Burns with the fever of this sleepless night! What I have uttered in this waking dream, Mark you, forget! I am your gracious king! [Presents his hand to kiss. Exit LERMA, opening the door at the same time to DUKE ALVA. SCENE III. The KING and DUKE ALVA. ALVA (approaching the KING with an air of doubt). This unexpected order, at so strange An hour! [Starts on looking closer at the KING. And then those looks! KING (has seated himself, and taken hold of the medallion on the table. Looks at the DUKE for some time in silence). Is it true I have no faithful servant! ALVA. How? KING. A blow Aimed at my life in its most vital part! Full well 'twas known, yet no one warned me of it. ALVA (with a look of astonishment). A blow aimed at your majesty! and yet Escape your Alva's eye? KING (showing him letters). Know you this writing? ALVA. It is the prince's hand. KING (a pause - watches the DUKE closely). Do you suspect Then nothing? Often have you cautioned me Gainst his ambition. Was there nothing more Than his ambition should have made me tremble? ALVA. Ambition is a word of largest import, And much it may comprise. KING. And had you naught Of special purport to disclose? ALVA (after a pause, mysteriously). Your majesty Hath given the kingdom's welfare to my charge: On this my inmost, secret thoughts are bent, And my best vigilance. Beyond this charge What I may think, suspect, or know belongs To me alone. These are the sacred treasures Which not the vassal only, but the slave, The very slave, may from a king withhold. Not all that to my mind seems plain is yet Mature enough to meet the monarch's ear. Would he be answered - then must I implore He will not question as a king. KING (handing the letters). Read these. ALVA (reads them, and turns to the KING with a look of terror). Who was the madman placed these fatal papers In my king's bands? KING. You know, then, who is meant? No name you see is mentioned in the paper. ALVA (stepping back confused). I was too hasty! KING. But you know! ALVA (after some consideration). 'Tis spoken! The king commands, - I dare not now conceal. I'll not deny it - I do know the person. KING (starting up in violent emotion). God of revenge! inspire me to invent Some new, unheard-of torture! Is their crime So clear, so plain, so public to the world, That without e'en the trouble of inquiry The veriest hint suffices to reveal it? This is too much! I did not dream of this! I am the last of all, then, to discern it - The last in all my realm? ALVA (throwing himself at the KING'S feet). Yes, I confess My guilt, most gracious monarch. I'm ashamed A coward prudence should have tied my tongue When truth, and justice, and my sovereign's honor Urged me to speak. But since all else are silent And since the magic spell of beauty binds All other tongues, I dare to give it voice; Though well I know a son's warm protestations, A wife's seductive charms and winning tears - - KING (suddenly with warmth). Rise, Alva! thou hast now my royal promise; Rise, and speak fearlessly! ALVA (rising). Your majesty, Perchance, may bear in your remembrance still What happened in the garden at Aranjuez. You found the queen deserted by her ladies, With looks confused - alone, within a bower, - KING. Proceed. What further have I yet to hear? ALVA. The Marchioness of Mondecar was banished Because she boldly sacrificed herself To save the queen! It has been since discovered She did no more than she had been commanded. Prince Carlos had been there. KING (starting). The prince! What more? ALVA. Upon the ground the footsteps of a man Were traced, till finally they disappeared Close to a grotto, leftward of the bower, Where lay a handkerchief the prince had dropped. This wakened our suspicions. But besides, The gardener met the prince upon the spot, - Just at the time, as near as we can guess, Your majesty appeared within the walk. KING (recovering from gloomy thought). And yet she wept when I but seemed to doubt! She made me blush before the assembled court, Blush to my very self! By heaven! I stood In presence of her virtue, like a culprit. [A long and deep silence. He sits down and hides his face. Yes, Alva, you are right! All this may lead To something dreadful - leave me for a moment - - ALVA. But, gracious sire, all this is not enough - - KING (snatching up the papers). Nor this, nor this? - nor all the harmony Of these most damning proofs? 'Tis clear as day - I knew it long ago - their heinous guilt Began when first I took her from your hands, Here in Madrid. I think I see her now, With look of horror, pale as midnight ghost, Fixing her eyes upon my hoary hair! 'Twas then the treacherous game began! ALVA. The prince, In welcoming a mother - lost his bride! Long had they nursed a mutual passion, long Each other's ardent feelings understood, Which her new state forbade her to indulge. The fear which still attends love's first avowal Was long subdued. Seduction, bolder grown, Spoke in those forms of easy confidence Which recollections of the past allowed. Allied by harmony of souls and years, And now by similar restraints provoked, They readily obeyed their wild desires. Reasons of state opposed their early union - But can it, sire, be thought she ever gave To the state council such authority? That she subdued the passion of her soul To scrutinize with more attentive eye The election of the cabinet. Her heart Was bent on love, and won a diadem. KING (offended, and with bitterness). You are a nice observer, duke, and I Admire your eloquence. I thank you truly. [Rising coldly and haughtily. But you are right. The queen has deeply erred In keeping from me letters of such import, And in concealing the intrusive visit The prince paid in the garden: - from a false Mistaken honor she has deeply erred And I shall question further. [Ringing the bell. Who waits now Within the antechamber? You, Duke Alva, I need no longer. Go. ALVA. And has my zeal A second time displeased your majesty? KING (to a page who enters). Summon Domingo. Duke, I pardon you For having made me tremble for a moment, With secret apprehension, lest yourself Might fall a victim to a foul misdeed. [Exit ALVA. SCENE IV. The KING, DOMINGO. KING walks up and down the room to collect his thoughts. DOMINGO (after contemplating the KING for some time with a respectful silence). How joyfully surprised I am to find Your majesty so tranquil and collected. KING. Surprised! DOMINGO. And heaven be thanked my fears were groundless! Now may I hope the best. KING. Your fears! What feared you? DOMINGO. I dare not hide it from your majesty That I had learned a secret - - KING (gloomily). And have I Expressed a wish to share your secret with you? Who ventures to anticipate me thus? Too forward, by mine honor! DOMINGO. Gracious monarch! The place, the occasion, seal of secrecy 'Neath which I learned it - free me from this charge. It was intrusted to me at the seat Of penitence - intrusted as a crime That deeply weighed upon the tender soul Of the fair sinner who confessed her guilt, And sought the pardon of offended heaven. Too late the princess weeps a foul misdeed That may involve the queen herself in ruin. KING. Indeed! Kind soul! You have correctly guessed The occasion of your summons. You must guide me Through this dark labyrinth wherein blind zeal Has tangled me. From you I hope for truth. Be candid with me; what must I believe, And what determine? From your sacred office I look for strictest truth. DOMINGO. And if, my liege, The mildness ever incident to this My holy calling, did not such restraint Impose upon me, still I would entreat Your majesty, for your own peace of mind, To urge no further this discovery, And cease forever to pursue a secret Which never can be happily explained. All that is yet discovered may be pardoned. Let the king say the word - and then the queen Has never sinned. The monarch's will bestows Virtue and fortune, both with equal ease. And the king's undisturbed tranquillity Is, in itself, sufficient to destroy The rumors set on foot by calumny. KING. What! Rumors! and of me! among my subjects! DOMINGO. All falsehood, sire! Naught but the vilest falsehood! I'll swear 'tis false! Yet what's believed by all, Groundless and unconfirmed although it be, Works its effect, as sure as truth itself. KING. Not in this case, by heaven! DOMINGO. A virtuous name Is, after all, my liege, the only prize Which queens and peasants' wives contest together. KING. For which I surely have no need to tremble. [He looks doubtingly at DOMINGO. After a pause. Priest, thou hast something fearful to impart. Delay it not. I read it plainly stamped In thy ill-boding looks. Then out with it, Whate'er it be. Let me no longer tremble Upon the rack. What do the people say? DOMINGO. The people, sire, are liable to err, Nay err assuredly. What people think Should not alarm the king. Yet that they should Presume so far as to indulge such thoughts - - KING. Why must I beg this poisonous draught so long? DOMINGO. The people often muse upon that month Which brought your majesty so near the grave, From that time, thirty weeks had scarce elapsed, Before the queen's delivery was announced. [The KING rises and rings the bell. DUKE ALVA enters. DOMINGO alarmed. I am amazed, your majesty! KING (going towards ALVA). Toledo! You are a man - defend me from this priest! DOMINGO (he and DUKE ALVA exchange embarrassed looks. After a pause). Could we have but foreseen that this occurrence Would be avenged upon its mere relater. KING. Said you a bastard? I had scarce, you say, Escaped the pangs of death when first she felt She should, in nature's time, become a mother. Explain how this occurred! 'Twas then, if I Remember right, that you, in every church, Ordered devotions to St. Dominick, For the especial wonder he vouchsafed. On one side or the other, then, you lie! What would you have me credit? Oh, I see Full plainly through you now! If this dark plot Had then been ripe your saint had lost his fame. ALVA. This plot? KING. How can you with a harmony So unexampled in your very thoughts Concur, and not have first conspired together? Would you persuade me thus? Think you that I Perceived not with what eagerness you pounced Upon your prey? With what delight you fed Upon my pain, - my agony of grief? Full well I marked the ardent, burning zeal With which the duke forestalled the mark of grace I destined for my son. And how this priest Presumed to fortify his petty spleen With my wrath's giant arm! I am, forsooth, A bow which each of you may bend at pleasure But I have yet a will. And if I needs Must doubt - perhaps I may begin with you. ALVA. Reward like this our truth did ne'er expect. KING. Your truth! Truth warns of apprehended danger. 'Tis malice that speaks only of the past. What can I gain by your officiousness? Should your suspicion ripen to full truth, What follows but the pangs of separation, The melancholy triumphs of revenge? But no: you only fear - you feed me with Conjectures vague. To hell's profound abyss You lead me on, then flee yourself away. DOMINGO. What other proofs than these are possible, When our own eyes can scarcely trust themselves? KING (after a long pause, turning earnestly and solemnly towards DOMINGO). The grandees of the realm shall be convened, And I will sit in judgment. Then step forth In front of all, if you have courage for it, And charge her as a strumpet. She shall die - Die without mercy - and the prince, too, with her! But mark me well: if she but clear herself That doom shall fall on you. Now, dare you show Honor to truth by such a sacrifice? Determine. No, you dare not. You are silent. Such is the zeal of liars! ALVA (who has stood at a distance, answers coldly and calmly). I will do it. KING (turns round with astonishment and looks at the DUKE for a long time without moving). That's boldly said! But thou hast risked thy life In stubborn conflicts for far less a prize. Has risked it with a gamester's recklessness - For honor's empty bubble. What is life To thee? I'll not expose the royal blood To such a madman's power, whose highest hope Must be to yield his wretched being up With some renown. I spurn your offer. Go; And wait my orders in the audience chamber. [Exeunt. SCENE V. The KING alone. Now give me, gracious Providence! a man. Thou'st given me much already. Now vouchsafe me A man! for thou alone canst grant the boon. Thine eye doth penetrate all hidden things Oh! give me but a friend: for I am not Omniscient like to thee. The ministers Whom thou hast chosen for me thou dost know - And their deserts: and as their merits claim, I value them. Their subjugated vices, Coerced by rein severe, serve all my ends, As thy storms purify this nether world. I thirst for truth. To reach its tranquil spring, Through the dark heaps of thick surrounding error, Is not the lot of kings. Give me the man, So rarely found, of pure and open heart, Of judgment clear, and eye unprejudiced, To aid me in the search. I cast the lots. And may I find that man, among the thousands Who flutter in the sunshine of a court. [He opens an escritoire and takes out a portfolio. After turning over the leaves a long time. Nothing but names, mere names are here: - no note E'en of the services to which they owe Their place upon the roll! Oh, what can be Of shorter memory than gratitude! Here, in this other list, I read each fault Most accurately marked. That is not well! Can vengeance stand in need of such a help? [He reads further. Count Egmont! What doth he here? Long ago The victory of St. Quentin is forgotten. I place him with the dead. [He effaces this name and writes it on the other roll after he has read further. The Marquis Posa! The Marquis Posa! I can scarce recall This person to mind. And doubly marked! A proof I destined him for some great purpose. How is it possible? This man, till now, Has ever shunned my presence - still has fled His royal debtor's eye? The only man, By heaven, within the compass of my realm, Who does not court my favor. Did he burn With avarice, or ambition, long ago He had appeared before my throne. I'll try This wondrous man. He who can thus dispense With royalty will doubtless speak the truth. SCENE VI. The Audience Chamber. DON CARLOS in conversation with the PRINCE of PARMA. DUKES ALVA, FERIA, and MEDINA SIDONIA, COUNT LERMA, and other GRANDEES, with papers in their hands, awaiting the KING. MEDINA SIDONIA (seems to be shunned by all the GRANDEES, turns towards DUKE ALVA, who, alone and absorbed in himself, walks up and down). Duke, you have had an audience of the king? How did you find him minded? ALVA. Somewhat ill For you, and for the news you bring. MEDINA SIDONIA. My heart Was lighter 'mid the roar of English cannon Than here on Spanish ground. [CARLOS, who had regarded him with silent sympathy, now approaches him and presses his hand. My warmest thanks, Prince, for this generous tear. You may perceive How all avoid me. Now my fate is sealed. CARLOS. Still hope the best both from my father's favor, And your own innocence. MEDINA SIDONIA. Prince, I have lost A fleet more mighty than e'er ploughed the waves. And what is such a head as mine to set 'Gainst seventy sunken galleons? And therewith Five hopeful sons! Alas! that breaks my heart. SCENE VII. The KING enters from his chamber, attired. The former all uncover and make room on both sides, while they form a semicircle round him. Silence. KING (rapidly surveying the whole circle). Be covered, all. [DON CARLOS and the PRINCE of PARMA approach first and kiss the KING's hand: he turns with friendly mien to the latter, taking no notice of his son. Your mother, nephew, fain Would be informed what favor you have won Here in Madrid. PARMA. That question let her ask When I have fought my maiden battle, sire. KING. Be satisfied; your turn will come at last, When these old props decay. [To the DUKE OF FERIA. What brings you here? FERIA (kneeling to the KING). The master, sire, of Calatrava's order This morning died. I here return his cross. KING (takes the order and looks round the whole circle). And who is worthiest after him to wear it? [He beckons to DUKE ALVA, who approaches and bends on one knee. The KING hangs the order on his neck. You are my ablest general! Ne'er aspire To more, and, duke, my favors shall not fail you. [He perceives the DUKE of MEDINA SIDONIA. My admiral! MEDINA SIDONIA. And here you see, great king, All that remains of the Armada's might, And of the flower of Spain. KING (after a pause). God rules above us! I sent you to contend with men, and not With rocks and storms. You're welcome to Madrid. [Extending his hand to him to kiss. I thank you for preserving in yourself A faithful servant to me. For as such I value him, my lords; and 'tis my will That you should honor him. [He motions him to rise and cover himself, then turns to the others. What more remains? [To DON CARLOS and the PRINCE OF PARMA. Princes, I thank you. [They retire; the other GRANDEES approach, and kneeling, hand their papers to the KING. He looks over them rapidly, and hands them to DUKE ALVA. Duke, let these be laid Before me in the council. Who waits further? [No one answers. How comes it that amidst my train of nobles The Marquis Posa ne'er appears? I know This Marquis Posa served me with distinction. Does he still live? Why is he not among you? LERMA. The chevalier is just returned from travel, Completed through all Europe. He is now Here in Madrid, and waits a public day To cast himself before his sovereign's feet. ALVA. The Marquis Posa? Right, he is the same Bold Knight of Malta, sire, of whom renown Proclaims this gallant deed. Upon a summons Of the Grand Master, all the valiant knights Assembled in their island, at that time Besieged by Soliman. This noble youth, Scarce numbering eighteen summers, straightway fled From Alcala, where he pursued his studies, And suddenly arrived at La Valette. "This Cross," he said, "was bought for me; and now To prove I'm worthy of it." He was one Of forty knights who held St. Elmo's Castle, At midday, 'gainst Piali, Ulucciali, And Mustapha, and Hassem; the assault Being thrice repeated. When the castle fell, And all the valiant knights were killed around him, He plunged into the ocean, and alone Reached La Valette in safety. Two months after The foe deserts the island, and the knight Returned to end his interrupted studies. FERIA. It was the Marquis Posa, too, who crushed The dread conspiracy in Catalonia; And by his marked activity preserved That powerful province to the Spanish crown. KING. I am amazed! What sort of man is this Who can deserve so highly, yet awake No pang of envy in the breasts of three Who speak his praise? The character he owns Must be of noble stamp indeed, or else A very blank. I'm curious to behold This wondrous man. [To DUKE ALVA. Conduct him to the council When mass is over. [Exit DUKE. The KING calls FERIA. And do you preside Here in my place. [Exit. FERIA. The king is kind to-day. MEDIA SIDONIA. Call him a god! So he has proved to me! FERIA. You well deserve your fortune, admiral! You have my warmest wishes. ONE OF THE GRANDEES. Sir, and mine. A SECOND. And also mine. A THIRD. My heart exults with joy - So excellent a general! THE FIRST. The king Showed you no kindness, 'twas your strict desert. LERMA (to MEDINA SIDONIA, taking leave). Oh, how two little words have made your fortune! [Exeunt all. SCENE VIII. The KING's Cabinet. MARQUIS POSA and DUKE ALVA. MARQUIS (as he enters). Does he want me? What me? Impossible! You must mistake the name. What can he want With me? ALVA. To know you. MARQUIS. Curiosity! No more; I regret the precious minutes That I must lose: time passes swiftly by. ALVA. I now commend you to your lucky stars. The king is in your hands. Employ this moment To your own best advantage; for, remember, If it is lost, you are alone to blame. SCENE IX. The MARQUIS alone. MARQUIS. Duke, 'tis well spoken! Turn to good account The moment which presents itself but once! Truly this courtier reads a useful lesson If not in his sense good, at least in mine. [Walks a few steps backwards and forwards. How came I here? Is it caprice or chance That shows me now my image in this mirror? Why, out of millions, should it picture me - The most unlikely - and present my form To the king's memory? Was this but chance? Perhaps 'twas something more! - what else is chance But the rude stone which from the sculptor's hand Receives its life? Chance comes from Providence, And man must mould it to his own designs. What the king wants with me but little matters; I know the business I shall have with him. Were but one spark of truth with boldness flung Into the despot's soul, how fruitful 'twere In the kind hand of Providence; and so What first appeared capricious act of chalice, May be designed for some momentous end. Whate'er it be, I'll act on this belief. [He takes a few turns in the room, and stands at last in tranquil contemplation before a painting. The KING appears in the neighboring room, where he gives some orders. He then enters and stands motionless at the door, and contemplates the MARQUIS for some time without being observed. SCENE X. The KING, and MARQUIS POSA. The MARQUIS, as soon as he observes the KING, comes forward and sinks on one knee; then rises and remains standing before him without any sign of confusion. KING (looks at him with surprise). We've met before then? MARQUIS. No. KING. You did my crown Some service? Why then do you shun my thanks? My memory is thronged with suitor's claims. One only is omniscient. 'Twas your duty To seek your monarch's eye! Why did you not? MARQUIS. Two days have scarce elapsed since my return From foreign travel, sire. KING. I would not stand Indebted to a subject; ask some favor - - MARQUIS. I enjoy the laws. KING. So does the murderer! MARQUIS. Then how much more the honest citizen! My lot contents me, sire. KING (aside). By heavens! a proud And dauntless mind! That was to be expected. Proud I would have my Spaniards. Better far The cup should overflow than not be full. They say you've left my service? MARQUIS. To make way For some one worthier, I withdrew. KING. 'Tis pity. When spirits such as yours make holiday, The state must suffer. But perchance you feared To miss the post best suited to your merits. MARQUIS. Oh, no! I doubt not the experienced judge, In human nature skilled - his proper study, - Will have discovered at a glance wherein I may be useful to him, wherein not. With deepest gratitude, I feel the favor Wherewith, by so exalted an opinion, Your majesty is loading me; and yet - - [He pauses. KING. You hesitate? MARQUIS. I am, I must confess, Sire, at this moment, unprepared to clothe My thoughts, as the world's citizen, in phrase Beseeming to your subject. When I left The court forever, sire, I deemed myself Released from the necessity to give My reasons for this step. KING. Are they so weak? What do you fear to risk by their disclosure? MARQUIS. My life at farthest, sire, - were time allowed For me to weary you - but this denied - Then truth itself must suffer. I must choose 'Twixt your displeasure and contempt. And if I must decide, I rather would appear Worthy of punishment than pity. KING (with a look of expectation). Well? MARQUIS. I cannot be the servant of a prince. [The KING looks at him with astonishment. I will not cheat the buyer. Should you deem Me worthy of your service, you prescribe A course of duty for me; you command My arm in battle and my head in council. Then, not my actions, but the applause they meet At court becomes their object. But for me Virtue possesses an intrinsic worth. I would, myself, create that happiness A monarch, with my hand, would seek to plant, And duty's task would prove an inward joy, And be my willing choice. Say, like you this? And in your own creation could you hear A new creator? For I ne'er could stoop To be the chisel where I fain would be - The sculptor's self. I dearly love mankind, My gracious liege, but in a monarchy I dare not love another than myself. KING. This ardor is most laudable. You wish To do good deeds to others; how you do them Is but of small account to patriots, Or to the wise. Choose then within these realms The office where you best may satisfy This noble impulse. MARQUIS. 'Tis not to be found. KING. How! MARQUIS. What your majesty would spread abroad, Through these my hands - is it the good of men? Is it the happiness that my pure love Would to mankind impart? Before such bliss Monarchs would tremble. No! Court policy Has raised up new enjoyments for mankind. Which she is always rich enough to grant; And wakened, in the hearts of men, new wishes Which such enjoyments only can content. In her own mint she coins the truth - such truth! As she herself can tolerate: all forms Unlike her own are broken. But is that Which can content the court enough for me? Must my affection for my brother pledge Itself to work my brother injury? To call him happy when he dare not think? Sire, choose not me to spread the happiness Which you have stamped for us. I must decline To circulate such coin. I cannot be The servant of a prince. KING (suddenly). You are, perhaps, A Protestant? MARQUIS (after some reflection). Our creeds, my liege, are one. [A pause. I am misunderstood. I feared as much. You see the veil torn by my hand aside From all the mysteries of majesty. Who can assure you I shall still regard As sacred that which ceases to alarm me? I may seem dangerous, because I think Above myself. I am not so, my liege; My wishes lie corroding here. The rage [Laying his hand on his breast. For innovation, which but serves to increase The heavy weight of chains it cannot break, Shall never fire my blood! The world is yet Unripe for my ideal; and I live A citizen of ages yet to come. But does a fancied picture break your rest? A breach of yours destroys it. KING. Say, am I The first to whom your views are known? MARQUIS. You are. KING (rises, walks a few paces and then stops opposite the MARQUIS - aside). This tone, at least, is new; but flattery Exhausts itself. And men of talent still Disdain to imitate. So let us test Its opposite for once. Why should I not? There is a charm in novelty. Should we Be so agreed, I will bethink me now Of some new state employment, in whose duties Your powerful mind - - MARQUIS. Sire, I perceive how small, How mean, your notions are of manly worth. Suspecting, in an honest man's discourse, Naught but a flatterer's artifice - methinks I can explain the cause of this your error. Mankind compel you to it. With free choice They have disclaimed their true nobility, Lowered themselves to their degraded state. Before man's inward worth, as from a phantom, They fly in terror - and contented with Their poverty, they ornament their chains With slavish prudence; and they call it virtue To bear them with a show of resignation. Thus did you find the world, and thus it was By your great father handed o'er to you. In this debased connection - how could you Respect mankind? KING. Your words contain some truth. MARQUIS. Alas! that when from the Creator's hand You took mankind, and moulded him to suit Your own ideas, making yourself the god Of this new creature, you should overlook That you yourself remained a human being - A very man, as from God's hands you came. Still did you feel a mortal's wants and pains. You needed sympathy; but to a God One can but sacrifice, and pray, and tremble - Wretched exchange! Perversion most unblest Of sacred nature! Once degrade mankind, And make him but a thing to play upon, Who then can share the harmony with you? KING (aside). By heaven, he moves me! MARQUIS. But this sacrifice To you is valueless. You thus become A thing apart, a species of your own. This is the price you pay for being a god; 'Twere dreadful were it not so, and if you Gained nothing by the misery of millions! And if the very freedom you destroyed Were the sole blessing that could make you happy. Dismiss me, sire, I pray you; for my theme Bears me too far; my heart is full; too strong The charm, to stand before the only man To whom I may reveal it. [The COUNT LERMA enters, and whispers a few words to the KING, who signs him to withdraw, and continues sitting in his former posture. KING (to the MARQUIS, after LERMA is gone). Nay, continue. MARQUIS (after a pause). I feel, sire - all the worth - - KING. Proceed; you had Yet more to say to me. MARQUIS. Your majesty, I lately passed through Flanders and Brabant, So many rich and blooming provinces, Filled with a valiant, great, and honest people. To be the father of a race like this I thought must be divine indeed; and then I stumbled on a heap of burnt men's bones. [He stops, he fixes a penetrating look on the KING, who endeavors to return his glance; but he looks on the ground, embarrassed and confused. True, you are forced to act so; but that you Could dare fulfil your task - this fills my soul With shuddering horror! Oh, 'tis pity that The victim, weltering in his blood, must cease To chant the praises of his sacrificer! And that mere men - not beings loftier far - Should write the history of the world. But soon A milder age will follow that of Philip, An age of truer wisdom; hand in hand, The subjects' welfare and the sovereign's greatness Will walk in union. Then the careful state Will spare her children, and necessity No longer glory to be thus inhuman. KING. When, think you, would that blessed age arrive, If I had shrunk before the curse of this? Behold my Spain, see here the burgher's good Blooms in eternal and unclouded peace. A peace like this will I bestow on Flanders. MARQUIS (hastily). The churchyard's peace! And do you hope to end What you have now begun? Say, do you hope To check the ripening change of Christendom, The universal spring, that shall renew The earth's fair form? Would you alone, in Europe, Fling yourself down before the rapid wheel Of destiny, which rolls its ceaseless course, And seize its spokes with human arm. Vain thought! Already thousands have your kingdom fled In joyful poverty: the honest burgher For his faith exiled, was your noblest subject! See! with a mother's arms, Elizabeth Welcomes the fugitives, and Britain blooms In rich luxuriance, from our country's arts. Bereft of the new Christian's industry, Granada lies forsaken, and all Europe Exulting, sees his foe oppressed with wounds, By its own hands inflicted! [The KING is moved; the MARQUIS observes it, and advances a step nearer. You would plant For all eternity, and yet the seeds You sow around you are the seeds of death! This hopeless task, with nature's laws at strife, Will ne'er survive the spirit of its founder. You labor for ingratitude; in vain, With nature you engage in desperate struggle - In vain you waste your high and royal life In projects of destruction. Man is greater Than you esteem him. He will burst the chains Of a long slumber, and reclaim once more His just and hallowed rights. With Nero's name, And fell Busiris', will he couple yours; And - ah! you once deserved a better fate. KING. How know you that? MARQUIS. In very truth you did - Yes, I repeat it - by the Almighty power! Restore us all you have deprived us of, And, generous as strong, let happiness Flow from your horn of plenty - let man's mind Ripen in your vast empire - give us back All you have taken from us - and become, Amidst a thousand kings, a king indeed! [He advances boldly, and fixes on him a look of earnestness and enthusiasm. Oh, that the eloquence of all those myriads, Whose fate depends on this momentous hour, Could hover on my lips, and fan the spark That lights thine eye into a glorious flame! Renounce the mimicry of godlike powers Which level us to nothing. Be, in truth, An image of the Deity himself! Never did mortal man possess so much For purpose so divine. The kings of Europe Pay homage to the name of Spain. Be you The leader of these kings. One pen-stroke now, One motion of your hand, can new create The earth! but grant us liberty of thought. [Casts himself at his feet. KING (surprised, turns away his face, then again looks towards the MARQUIS). Enthusiast most strange! arise; but I - - MARQUIS. Look round on all the glorious face of nature, On freedom it is founded - see how rich, Through freedom it has grown. The great Creator Bestows upon the worm its drop of dew, And gives free-will a triumph in abodes Where lone corruption reigns. See your creation, How small, how poor! The rustling of a leaf Alarms the mighty lord of Christendom. Each virtue makes you quake with fear. While he, Not to disturb fair freedom's blest appearance, Permits the frightful ravages of evil To waste his fair domains. The great Creator We see not - he conceals himself within His own eternal laws. The sceptic sees Their operation, but beholds not Him. "Wherefore a God!" he cries, "the world itself Suffices for itself!" And Christian prayer Ne'er praised him more than doth this blasphemy. KING. And will you undertake to raise up this Exalted standard of weak human nature In my dominions? MARQUIS. You can do it, sire. Who else? Devote to your own people's bliss The kingly power, which has too long enriched The greatness of the throne alone. Restore The prostrate dignity of human nature, And let the subject be, what once he was, The end and object of the monarch's care, Bound by no duty, save a brother's love. And when mankind is to itself restored, Roused to a sense of its own innate worth, When freedom's lofty virtues proudly flourish - Then, sire, when you have made your own wide realms The happiest in the world, it then may be Your duty to subdue the universe. KING (after a long pause). I've heard you to the end. Far differently I find, than in the minds of other men, The world exists in yours. And you shall not By foreign laws be judged. I am the first To whom you have your secret self disclosed; I know it - so believe it - for the sake Of this forbearance - that you have till now Concealed these sentiments, although embraced With so much ardor, - for this cautious prudence. I will forget, young man, that I have learned them, And how I learned them. Rise! I will confute Your youthful dreams by my matured experience, Not by my power as king. Such is my will, And therefore act I thus. Poison itself May, in a worthy nature, be transformed To some benignant use. But, sir, beware My Inquisition! 'Twould afflict me much - - MARQUIS. Indeed! KING (lost in surprise). Ne'er met I such a man as that! No, marquis, no! you wrong me! Not to you Will I become a Nero - not to you! - All happiness shall not be blasted round me, And you at least, beneath my very eyes, May dare continue to remain a man. MARQUIS (quickly). And, sire, my fellow-subjects? Not for me, Nor my own cause, I pleaded. Sire! your subjects - - KING. Nay, if you know so well how future times Will judge me, let them learn at least from you, That when I found a man, I could respect him. MARQUIS. Oh, let not the most just of kings at once Be the most unjust! In your realm of Flanders There are a thousand better men than I. But you - sire! may I dare to say so much - For the first time, perhaps, see liberty In milder form portrayed. KING (with gentle severity). No more of this, Young man! You would, I know, think otherwise Had you but learned to understand mankind As I. But truly - I would not this meeting Should prove our last. How can I hope to win you? MARQUIS. Pray leave me as I am. What value, sire, Should I be to you were you to corrupt me? KING. This pride I will not bear. From this day forth I hold you in my service. No remonstrance - For I will have it so. [After a pause. But how is this? What would I now? Was it not truth I wished? But here is something more. Marquis, so far You've learned to know me as a king; but yet You know me not as man - [The MARQUIS seems to meditate. I understand you - Were I the most unfortunate of fathers, Yet as a husband may I not be blest? MARQUIS. If the possession of a hopeful son, And a most lovely spouse, confer a claim On mortal to assume that title, sire, In both respects, you are supremely blest. KING (with a serious look). That am I not - and never, till this hour, Have I so deeply felt that I am not so. [Contemplating the MARQUIS with a look of melancholy. MARQUIS. The prince possesses a right noble mind. I ne'er have known him otherwise. KING. I have The treasure he has robbed me of, no crown Can e'er requite. So virtuous a queen! MARQUIS. Who dare assert it, sire? KING. The world! and scandal! And I myself! Here lie the damning proofs Of doubtless guilt - and others, too, exist, From which I fear the worst. But still 'tis hard To trust one proof alone. Who brings the charge? And oh! if this were possible - that she, The queen, so foully could pollute her honor, Then how much easier were it to believe An Eboli may be a slanderer! Does not that priest detest my son and her? And can I doubt that Alva broods revenge? My wife has higher worth than all together. MARQUIS. And there exists besides in woman's soul A treasure, sire, beyond all outward show, Above the reach of slander - female virtue! KING. Marquis! those thoughts are mine. It costs too much To sink so low as they accuse the queen. The sacred ties of honor are not broken With so much ease, as some would fain persuade me. Marquis, you know mankind. Just such a man As you I long have wished for - you are kind - Cheerful - and deeply versed in human nature - Therefore I've chosen you - - MARQUIS (surprised and alarmed). Me, sire! KING. You stand Before your king and ask no special favor - For yourself nothing! - that is new to me - You will be just - ne'er weakly swayed by passion. Watch my son close - search the queen's inmost heart. You shall have power to speak with her in private. Retire. [He rings a bell. MARQUIS. And if with but one hope fulfilled I now depart, then is this day indeed The happiest of my life. KING (holds out his hand to him to kiss). I hold it not Amongst my days a lost one. [The MARQUIS rises and goes. COUNT LERMA enters. Count, in future, The marquis is to enter, unannounced. ACT IV. SCENE I. The Queen's Apartment. QUEEN, DUCHESS OLIVAREZ, PRINCESS EBOLI, COUNTESS FUENTES. QUEEN (to the first lady as she rises). And so the key has not been found! My casket Must be forced open then - and that at once. [She observes PRINCESS EBOLI, who approaches and kisses her hand. Welcome, dear princess! I rejoice to see you So near recovered. But you still look pale. FUENTES (with malice). The fault of that vile fever which affects The nerves so painfully. Is't not, princess? QUEEN. I wished to visit you, dear Eboli, But dared not. OLIVAREZ. Oh! the Princess Eboli Was not in want of company. QUEEN. Why, that I readily believe, but what's the matter? You tremble - - PRINCESS. Nothing - nothing, gracious queen. Permit me to retire. QUEEN. You hide it from us - And are far worse than you would have us think. Standing must weary you. Assist her, countess, And let her rest awhile upon that seat. PRINCESS (going). I shall be better in the open air. QUEEN. Attend her, countess. What a sudden illness! [A PAGE enters and speaks to the DUCHESS, who then addresses the QUEEN. OLIVAREZ. The Marquis Posa waits, your majesty, With orders from the king. QUEEN. Admit him then. [PAGE admits the MARQUIS and exit. SCENE II. MARQUIS POSA. The former. The MARQUIS falls on one knee before the QUEEN, who signs to him to rise. QUEEN. What are my lord's commands? And may I dare Thus publicly to hear - - MARQUIS. My business is In private with your royal majesty. [The ladies retire on a signal from the QUEEN. SCENE III. The QUEEN, MARQUIS POSA. QUEEN (full of astonishment). How! Marquis, dare I trust my eyes? Are you Commissioned to me from the king? MARQUIS. Does this Seem such a wonder to your majesty? To me 'tis otherwise. QUEEN. The world must sure Have wandered from its course! That you and he - I must confess - - MARQUIS. It does sound somewhat strange - But be it so. The present times abound In prodigies. QUEEN. But none can equal this. MARQUIS. Suppose I had at last allowed myself To be converted, and had weary grown Of playing the eccentric at the court Of Philip. The eccentric! What is that? He who would be of service to mankind Must first endeavor to resemble them. What end is gained by the vain-glorious garb Of the sectarian? Then suppose - for who From vanity is so completely free As for his creed to seek no proselytes? Suppose, I say, I had it in my mind To place my own opinions on the throne! QUEEN. No, marquis! no! Not even in jest could I Suspect you of so wild a scheme as this; No visionary you! to undertake What you can ne'er accomplish. MARQUIS. But that seems To be the very point at issue. QUEEN. What I chiefly blame you, marquis, for, and what Could well estrange me from you - is - - MARQUIS. Perhaps Duplicity! QUEEN. At least - a want of candor. Perhaps the king himself has no desire You should impart what now you mean to tell me. MARQUIS. No. QUEEN. And can evil means be justified By honest ends? And - pardon me the doubt - Can your high bearing stoop to such an office? I scarce can think it. MARQUIS. Nor, indeed, could I, Were my sole purpose to deceive the king. 'Tis not my wish - I mean to serve him now More honestly than he himself commands. QUEEN. 'Tis spoken like yourself. Enough of this - What would the king? MARQUIS. The king? I can, it seems, Retaliate quickly on my rigid judge And what I have deferred so long to tell, Your majesty, perhaps, would willingly Longer defer to hear. But still it must Be heard. The king requests your majesty Will grant no audience to the ambassador Of France to-day. Such were my high commands - They're executed. QUEEN. Marquis, is that all You have to tell me from him? MARQUIS. Nearly all That justifies me thus to seek your presence. QUEEN. Well, marquis, I'm contented not to hear What should, perhaps, remain a secret from me. MARQUIS. True, queen! though were you other than yourself, I should inform you straight of certain things - Warn you of certain men - but this to you Were a vain office. Danger may arise And disappear around you, unperceived. You will not know it - of too little weight To chase the slumber from your angel brow. But 'twas not this, in sooth, that brought me hither, Prince Carlos - - QUEEN. What of him? How have you left him? MARQUIS. E'en as the only wise man of his time, In whom it is a crime to worship truth - And ready, for his love to risk his life, As the wise sage for his. I bring few words - But here he is himself. [Giving the QUEEN a letter. QUEEN (after she has read it). He says he must Speak with me - - MARQUIS. So do I. QUEEN. And will he thus Be happy - when he sees with his own eyes, That I am wretched? MARQUIS. No; but more resolved, More active. QUEEN. How? MARQUIS. Duke Alva is appointed To Flanders. QUEEN. Yes, appointed - so I hear. MARQUIS. The king cannot retract: - we know the king. This much is clear, the prince must not remain Here in Madrid, nor Flanders be abandoned. QUEEN. And can you hinder it? MARQUIS. Perhaps I can, But then the means are dangerous as the evil - Rash as despair - and yet I know no other. QUEEN. Name them. MARQUIS. To you, and you alone, my queen, Will I reveal them; for from you alone, Carlos will hear them named without a shudder. The name they bear is somewhat harsh. QUEEN. Rebellion! MARQUIS. He must prove faithless to the king, and fly With secrecy to Brussels, where the Flemings Wait him with open arms. The Netherlands Will rise at his command. Our glorious cause From the king's son will gather matchless strength, The Spanish throne shall tremble at his arms, And what his sire denied him in Madrid, That will he willingly concede in Brussels. QUEEN. You've spoken with the king to-day - and yet Maintain all this. MARQUIS. Yes, I maintain it all, Because I spoke with him. QUEEN (after a pause). The daring plan Alarms and pleases me. You may be right - The thought is bold, and that perhaps enchants me. Let it but ripen. Does Prince Carlos know it? MARQUIS. It was my wish that he should hear it first From your own lips. QUEEN. The plan is doubtless good, But then the prince's youth - - MARQUIS. No disadvantage! He there will find the bravest generals Of the Emperor Charles - an Egmont and an Orange - In battle daring, and in council wise. QUEEN (with vivacity). True - the design is grand and beautiful! The prince must act; I feel it sensibly. The part he's doomed to play here in Madrid Has bowed me to the dust on his account. I promise him the aid of France and Savoy; I think with you, lord marquis - he must act - But this design needs money - - MARQUIS. It is ready. QUEEN. I, too, know means. MARQUIS. May I then give him hopes Of seeing you? QUEEN. I will consider it. MARQUIS. The prince, my queen, is urgent for an answer. I promised to procure it. [Presenting his writing tablet to the QUEEN. Two short lines Will be enough. QUEEN (after she has written). When do we meet again? MARQUIS. Whene'er you wish. QUEEN. Whene'er I wish it, marquis! How can I understand this privilege? MARQUIS. As innocently, queen, as e'er you may. But we enjoy it - that is sure enough. QUEEN (interrupting). How will my heart rejoice should this become A refuge for the liberties of Europe, And this through him! Count on my silent aid! MARQUIS (with animation). Right well I knew your heart would understand me. [The DUCHESS OLIVAREZ enters. QUEEN (coldly to the MARQUIS). My lord! the king's commands I shall respect As law. Assure him of the queen's submission. [She makes a sign to him. Exit MARQUIS. SCENE IV. A Gallery. DON CARLOS, COUNT LERMA. CARLOS. Here we are undisturbed. What would you now Impart to me? LERMA. Your highness has a friend Here at the court. CARLOS (starting). A friend! I knew it not! But what's your meaning? LERMA. I must sue for pardon That I am learned in more than I should know. But for your highness' comfort I've received it From one I may depend upon - in short, I have it from myself. CARLOS. Whom speak you of? LERMA. The Marquis Posa. CARLOS. What! LERMA. And if your highness Has trusted to him more of what concerns you Than every one should know, as I am led To fear - - CARLOS. You fear! LERMA. He has been with the king. CARLOS. Indeed! LERMA. Two hours in secret converse too. CARLOS. Indeed! LERMA. The subject was no trifling matter. CARLOS. That I can well believe. LERMA. And several times I heard your name. CARLOS. That's no bad sign, I hope. LERMA. And then, this morning, in the king's apartment, The queen was spoken of mysteriously. CARLOS (starts back astonished). Count Lerma! LERMA. When the marquis had retired I was commanded to admit his lordship In future unannounced. CARLOS. Astonishing! LERMA. And without precedent do I believe, Long as I served the king - - CARLOS. 'Tis strange, indeed! How did you say the queen was spoken of? LERMA (steps back). No, no, my prince! that were against my duty. CARLOS. 'Tis somewhat strange! One secret you impart. The other you withhold. LERMA. The first was due To you, the other to the king. CARLOS. You're right. LERMA. And still I've thought you, prince, a man of honor. CARLOS. Then you have judged me truly. LERMA. But all virtue Is spotless till it's tried. CARLOS. Some stand the trial. LERMA. A powerful monarch's favor is a prize Worth seeking for; and this alluring bait Has ruined many a virtue. CARLOS. Truly said! LERMA. And oftentimes 'tis prudent to discover - What scarce can longer be concealed. CARLOS. Yes, prudent It may be, but you say you've ever known The marquis prove himself a man of honor. LERMA. And if he be so still my fears are harmless, And you become a double gainer, prince. [Going. CARLOS (follows him with emotion, and presses his hand). Trebly I gain, upright and worthy man, I gain another friend, nor lose the one Whom I before possessed. [Exit LERMA. SCENE V. MARQUIS POSA comes through the gallery. CARLOS. MARQUIS. Carlos! My Carlos! CARLOS. Who calls me? Ah! 'tis thou - I was in haste To gain the convent! You will not delay. [Going. MARQUIS. Hold! for a moment. CARLOS. We may be observed. MARQUIS. No chance of that. 'Tis over now. The queen - - CARLOS. You've seen my father. MARQUIS. Yes! he sent for me. CARLOS (full of expectation). Well! MARQUIS. 'Tis all settled - you may see the queen. CARLOS. Yes! but the king! What said the king to you? MARQUIS. Not much. Mere curiosity to learn My history. The zeal of unknown friends - I know not what. He offered me employment. CARLOS. Which you, of course, rejected? MARQUIS. Yes, of course CARLOS. How did you separate? MARQUIS. Oh, well enough! CARLOS. And was I mentioned? MARQUIS. Yes; in general terms. [Taking out a pocketbook and giving it to the PRINCE. See here are two lines written by the queen, To-morrow I will settle where and how. CARLOS (reads it carelessly, puts the tablet in his pocket, and is going). You'll meet me at the prior's? MARQUIS. Yes! But stay Why in such haste? No one is coming hither. CARLOS (with a forced smile). Have we in truth changed characters? To-day You seem so bold and confident. MARQUIS. To-day - Wherefore to-day? CARLOS. What writes the queen to me? MARQUIS. Have you not read this instant? CARLOS. I? Oh yes. MARQUIS. What is't disturbs you now? CARLOS (reads the tablet again, delighted and fervently). Angel of Heaven! I will be so, - I will be worthy of thee. Love elevates great minds. So come what may, Whatever thou commandest, I'll perform. She writes that I must hold myself prepared For a great enterprise! What can she mean? Dost thou not know? MARQUIS. And, Carlos, if I knew, Say, art thou now prepared to hear it from me? CARLOS. Have I offended thee? I was distracted. Roderigo, pardon me. MARQUIS. Distracted! How? CARLOS. I scarcely know! But may I keep this tablet? MARQUIS. Not so! I came to ask thee for thine own. CARLOS. My tablet! Why? MARQUIS. And whatsoever writings You have, unfit to meet a stranger's eye - Letters or memorandums, and in short, Your whole portfolio. CARLOS. Why? MARQUIS. That we may be Prepared for accidents. Who can prevent Surprise? They'll never seek them in my keeping. Here, give them to me - - CARLOS (uneasy). Strange! What can it mean? MARQUIS. Be not alarmed! 'Tis nothing of importance A mere precaution to prevent surprise. You need not be alarmed! CARLOS (gives him the portfolio). Be careful of it. MARQUIS. Be sure I will. CARLOS (looks at him significantly). I give thee much, Roderigo! MARQUIS. Not more than I have often had from thee. The rest we'll talk of yonder. Now farewell. [Going. CARLOS (struggling with himself, then calls him back). Give me my letters back; there's one amongst them The queen addressed to me at Alcala, When I was sick to death. Still next my heart I carry it; to take this letter from me Goes to my very soul. But leave me that, And take the rest. [He takes it out, and returns the portfolio. MARQUIS. I yield unwillingly - For 'twas that letter which I most required. CARLOS. Farewell! [He goes away slowly, stops a moment at the door, turns back again, and brings him the letter. You have it there. [His hand trembles, tears start from his eyes, he falls on the neck of the MARQUIS, and presses his face to his bosom. Oh, not my father, Could do so much, Roderigo! Not my father! [Exit hastily. SCENE VI. MARQUIS (looks after him with astonishment). And is this possible! And to this hour Have I not known him fully? In his heart This blemish has escaped my eye. Distrust Of me - his friend! But no, 'tis calumny! What hath he done that I accuse him thus Of weakest weakness. I myself commit The fault I charge on him. What have I done Might well surprise him! When hath he displayed To his best friend such absolute reserve? Carlos, I must afflict thee - there's no help - And longer still distress thy noble soul. In me the king hath placed his confidence, His holiest trust reposed - as in a casket, And this reliance calls for gratitude. How can disclosure serve thee when my silence Brings thee no harm - serves thee, perhaps? Ah! why Point to the traveller the impending storm? Enough, if I direct its anger past thee! And when thou wakest the sky's again serene. [Exit. SCENE VII. The KING's Cabinet. The KING seated, near him the INFANTA CLARA EUGENIA. KING (after a deep silence). No - she is sure my daughter - or can nature Thus lie like truth! Yes, that blue eye is mine! And I am pictured in thy every feature. Child of my love! for such thou art - I fold thee Thus to my heart; thou art my blood. [Starts and pauses: My blood - What's worse to fear? Are not my features his? [Takes the miniature in his hand and looks first at the portrait, then at the mirror opposite; at last he throws it on the ground, rises hastily, and pushes the INFANTA from him. Away, away! I'm lost in this abyss. SCENE VIII. COUNT LERMA and the KING. LERMA. Her majesty is in the antechamber. KING. What! Now? LERMA. And begs the favor of an audience. KING. Now! At this unaccustomed hour! Not now - I cannot see her yet. LERMA. Here comes the queen. [Exit LERMA. SCENE IX. The KING, the QUEEN enters, and the INFANTA. The INFANTA runs to meet the QUEEN and clings to her; the QUEEN falls at the KING's feet, who is silent, and appears confused and embarrassed. QUEEN. My lord! My husband! I'm constrained to seek Justice before the throne! KING. What? Justice! QUEEN. Yes! I'm treated with dishonor at the court! My casket has been rifled. KING. What! Your casket? QUEEN. And things I highly value have been plundered. KING. Things that you highly value. QUEEN. From the meaning Which ignorant men's officiousness, perhaps, Might give to them - - KING. What's this? Officiousness, And meaning! How? But rise. QUEEN. Oh no, my husband! Not till you bind yourself by sacred promise, By virtue of your own authority, To find the offender out, and grant redress, Or else dismiss my suite, which hides a thief. KING. But rise! In such a posture! Pray you, rise. QUEEN (rises). 'Tis some one of distinction - I know well; My casket held both diamonds and pearls Of matchless value, but he only took My letters. KING. May I ask - - QUEEN. Undoubtedly, My husband. They were letters from the prince: His miniature as well. KING. From whom? QUEEN. The prince, Your son. KING. To you? QUEEN. Sent by the prince to me. KING. What! From Prince Carlos! Do you tell me that? QUEEN. Why not tell you, my husband? KING. And not blush. QUEEN. What mean you? You must surely recollect The letters Carlos sent me to St. Germains, With both courts' full consent. Whether that leave Extended to the portrait, or alone His hasty hope dictated such a step, I cannot now pretend to answer; but If even rash, it may at least be pardoned For thus much I may be his pledge - that then He never thought the gift was for his mother. [Observes the agitation of the KING. What moves you? What's the matter? INFANTA (who has found the miniature on the ground, and has been playing with it, brings it to the QUEEN). Look, dear mother! See what a pretty picture! QUEEN. What then my - - [She recognizes the miniature, and remains in speechless astonishment. They both gaze at each other. After a long pause. In truth, this mode of trying a wife's heart Is great and royal, sire! But I should wish To ask one question? KING. 'Tis for me to question. QUEEN. Let my suspicions spare the innocent. And if by your command this theft was done - - KING. It was so done! QUEEN. Then I have none to blame, And none to pity - other than yourself - Since you possess a wife on whom such schemes Are thrown away. KING. This language is not new - Nor shall you, madam, now again deceive me As in the gardens of Aranjuez - My queen of angel purity, who then So haughtily my accusation spurned - I know her better now. QUEEN. What mean you, sire? KING. Madam! thus briefly and without reserve - Say is it true? still true, that you conversed With no one there? Is really that the truth? QUEEN. I spoke there with the prince. KING. Then is clear As day! So daring! heedless of mine honor! QUEEN. Your honor, sire! If that be now the question, A greater honor is, methinks, at stake Than Castile ever brought me as a dowry. KING. Why did you then deny the prince's presence? QUEEN. Because I'm not accustomed to be questioned Like a delinquent before all your courtiers; I never shall deny the truth when asked With kindness and respect. Was that the tone Your majesty used towards me in Aranjuez? Are your assembled grandees the tribunal Queens must account to for their private conduct? I gave the prince the interview he sought With earnest prayer, because, my liege and lord, I - the queen - wished and willed it, and because I never can admit that formal custom Should sit as judge on actions that are guiltless; And I concealed it from your majesty Because I chose not to contend with you About this right in presence of your courtiers. KING. You speak with boldness, madam! QUEEN. I may add, Because the prince, in his own father's heart, Scarce finds that kindness he so well deserves. KING. So well deserves! QUEEN. Why, sire! should I conceal it! Highly do I esteem him - yes! and love him As a most dear relation, who was once Deemed worthy of a dearer - tenderer - title. I've yet to learn that he, on this account, Should be estranged from me beyond all others, - Because he once was better loved than they. Though your state policy may knit together What bands it pleases - 'tis a harder task To burst such ties! I will not hate another For any one's command - and since I must So speak - such dictates I will not endure. KING. Elizabeth! you've seen me in weak moments - And their remembrance now emboldens you. On that strong influence you now depend, Which you have often, with so much success, Against my firmness tried. But fear the more The power which has seduced me to be weak May yet inflame me to some act of madness. QUEEN. What have I done? KING (takes her hand). If it should prove but so - And is it not already? If the full Accumulated measure of your guilt Become but one breath heavier - should I be Deceived - - [Lets her hand go. I can subdue these last remains Of weakness - can and will - then woe betide Myself and you, Elizabeth! QUEEN. What crime Have I committed? KING. On my own account then Shall blood be shed. QUEEN. And has it come to this? Oh, Heaven! KING. I shall forget myself - I shall Regard no usage and no voice of nature - Not e'en the law of nations. QUEEN. Oh, how much I pity you! KING. The pity of a harlot! INFANTA (clinging to her mother in terror). The king is angry, and my mother weeps. [KING pushes the child violently from the QUEEN. QUEEN (with mildness and dignity, but with faltering voice). This child I must protect from cruelty - Come with me, daughter. [Takes her in her arms. If the king no more Acknowledge thee - beyond the Pyrenees I'll call protectors to defend our cause. [Going. KING (embarrassed). Queen! QUEEN. I can bear no more - it is too much! [Hastening to the door, she falls with her child on the threshold. KING (running to her assistance). Heavens! What is that? INFANTA (cries out with terror). She bleeds! My mother bleeds! [Runs out. KING (anxiously assisting her). Oh, what a fearful accident! You bleed; Do I deserve this cruel punishment? Rise and collect yourself - rise, they are coming! They will surprise us! Shall the assembled court Divert themselves with such a spectacle? Must I entreat you? Rise. [She rises, supported by the KING. SCENE X. The former, ALVA, DOMINGO entering, alarmed, ladies follow. KING. Now let the queen Be led to her apartment; she's unwell. [Exit the QUEEN, attended by her ladies. ALVA and DOMINGO come forward. ALVA. The queen in tears, and blood upon her face! KING. Does that surprise the devils who've misled me? ALVA and DOMINGO. We? KING. You have said enough to drive me mad. But nothing to convince me. ALVA. We gave you What we ourselves possessed. KING. May hell reward you! I've done what I repent of! Ah! was hers, The language of a conscience dark with guilt? MARQUIS POSA (from without). Say, can I see the king? SCENE XI. The former, MARQUIS POSA. KING (starts up at the sound of his voice, and advances some paces to meet him). Ah! here he comes. Right welcome, marquis! Duke! I need you now No longer. Leave us. [ALVA and DOMINGO look at each other with silent astonishment and retire. SCENE XII. The KING, and MARQUIS POSA. MARQUIS. That old soldier, sire, Who has faced death, in twenty battles, for you, Must hold it thankless to be so dismissed. KING. 'Tis thus for you to think - for me to act; In a few hours you have been more to me Than that man in a lifetime. Nor shall I Keep my content a secret. On your brow The lustre of my high and royal favor Shall shine resplendent - I will make that man A mark for envy whom I choose my friend. MARQUIS. What if the veil of dark obscurity Were his sole claim to merit such a title? KING. What come you now to tell me? MARQUIS. As I passed Along the antechamber a dread rumor Fell on my ear, - it seemed incredible, - Of a most angry quarrel - blood - the queen - - KING. Come you from her? MARQUIS. I should be horrified Were not the rumor false: or should perhaps Your majesty meantime have done some act - Discoveries of importance I have made, Which wholly change the aspect of affairs. KING. How now? MARQUIS. I found an opportunity To seize your son's portfolio, with his letters, Which, as I hope, may throw some light - - [He gives the PRINCE's portfolio to the KING. KING (looks through it eagerly). A letter From the emperor, my father. How I a letter Of which I ne'er remember to have heard. [He reads it through, puts it aside, and goes to the other papers. A drawing of some fortress - detached thoughts From Tacitus - and what is here? The hand I surely recognize - it is a lady's. [He reads it attentively, partly to himself, and partly aloud. "This key - the farthest chamber of the queen's Pavilion!" Ha! what's this? "The voice of love, - The timid lover - may - a rich reward." Satanic treachery! I see it now. 'Tis she - 'tis her own writing! MARQUIS. The queen's writing! Impossible! KING. The Princess Eboli's. MARQUIS. Then, it was true, what the queen's page confessed, Not long since - that he brought this key and letter. KING (grasping the MARQUIS' hand in great emotion). Marquis! I see that I'm in dreadful hands. This woman - I confess it - 'twas this woman Forced the queen's casket: and my first suspicions Were breathed by her. Who knows how deep the priest May be engaged in this? I am deceived By cursed villany. MARQUIS. Then it was lucky - - KING. Marquis! O marquis! I begin to fear I've wronged my wife. MARQUIS. If there exist between The prince and queen some secret understandings, They are of other import, rest assured, Than those they charge her with. I know, for certain, The prince's prayer to be despatched to Flanders Was by the queen suggested. KING. I have thought so. MARQUIS. The queen's ambitious. Dare I speak more fully? She sees, with some resentment, her high hopes All disappointed, and herself shut out From share of empire. Your son's youthful ardor Offers itself to her far-reaching views, Her heart! I doubt if she can love. KING. Her schemes Of policy can never make me tremble. MARQUIS. Whether the Infant loves her - whether we Have something worse to fear from him, - are things Worthy our deep attention. To these points Our strictest vigilance must be directed. KING. You must be pledge for him. MARQUIS. And if the king Esteem me capable of such a task, I must entreat it be intrusted to me Wholly without conditions. KING. So it shall. MARQUIS. That in the steps which I may think required, I may be thwarted by no coadjutors, Whatever name they bear. KING. I pledge my word You shall not. You have proved my guardian angel. How many thanks I owe you for this service! [LERMA enters - the KING to him. How did you leave the queen? LERMA. But scarce recovered From her deep swoon. [He looks at the MARQUIS doubtfully, and exit. MARQUIS (to the KING, after a pause). One caution yet seems needful. The prince may be advised of our design, For he has many faithful friends in Ghent, And may have partisans among the rebels. Fear may incite to desperate resolves; Therefore I counsel that some speedy means Be taken to prevent this fatal chance. KING. You are quite right - but how? MARQUIS. Your majesty May sign a secret warrant of arrest And place it in my hands, to be employed, As may seem needful, in the hour of danger. [The KING appears thoughtful. This step must be a most profound state secret Until - - KING (going to his desk and writing the warrant of arrest). The kingdom is at stake, and now The pressing danger sanctions urgent measures. Here marquis! I need scarcely say - use prudence. MARQUIS (taking the warrant). 'Tis only for the last extremity. KING (laying his hand on the shoulder of the MARQUIS). Go! Go, dear marquis! Give this bosom peace, And bring back slumber to my sleepless pillow. [Exeunt at different sides. SCENE XIII. A Gallery. CARLOS entering in extreme agitation, COUNT LERMA meeting him. CARLOS. I have been seeking you. LERMA. And I your highness. CARLOS. For heaven's sake is it true? LERMA. What do you mean? CARLOS. That the king drew his dagger, and that she Was borne, all bathed in blood, from the apartment? Now answer me, by all that's sacred; say, What am I to believe? What truth is in it? LERMA. She fainted, and so grazed her skin in falling That is the whole. CARLOS. Is there no further danger? Count, answer on your honor. LERMA. For the queen No further danger; for yourself, there's much! CARLOS. None for my mother. Then, kind Heaven, I thank thee. A dreadful rumor reached me that the king Raved against child and mother, and that some Dire secret was discovered. LERMA. And the last May possibly be true. CARLOS. Be true! What mean you? LERMA. One warning have I given you, prince, already, And that to-day, but you despised it; now Perhaps you'll profit better by a second. CARLOS. Explain yourself. LERMA. If I mistake not, prince, A few days since I noticed in your hands An azure-blue portfolio, worked in velvet And chased with gold. CARLOS (with anxiety). Yes, I had such a one. LERMA. And on the cover, if I recollect, a portrait Set in pearls? CARLOS. 'Tis right; go on. LERMA. I entered the king's chamber on a sudden, And in his hands I marked that same portfolio, The Marquis Posa standing by his side. CARLOS (after a short silence of astonishment, hastily). 'Tis false! LERMA (warmly). Then I'm a traitor! CARLOS (looking steadfastly at him). That you are! LERMA. Well, I forgive you. CARLOS (paces the apartment in extreme agitation, at length stands still before him). Has he injured thee? What have our guiltless ties of friendship done, That with a demon's zeal thou triest to rend them? LERMA. Prince, I respect the grief which renders you So far unjust. CARLOS. Heaven shield me from suspicion! LERMA. And I remember, too, the king's own words. Just as I entered he addressed the marquis: "How many thanks I owe you for this news." CARLOS. Oh, say no more! LERMA. Duke Alva is disgraced! The great seal taken from the Prince Ruy Gomez, And given to the marquis. CARLOS (lost in deep thought). And from me Has he concealed all this? And why from me? LERMA. As minister all-powerful, the court Looks on him now - as favorite unrivalled! CARLOS. He loved me - loved me greatly: I was dear As his own soul is to him. That I know - Of that I've had a thousand proofs. But should The happiness of millions yield to one? Must not his country dearer to him prove Than Carlos? One friend only is too few For his capacious heart. And not enough Is Carlos' happiness to engross his love. He offers me a sacrifice to virtue; And shall I murmur at him? Now 'tis certain I have forever lost him. [He steps aside and covers his face. LERMA. Dearest prince! How can I serve you? CARLOS (without looking at him). Get you to the king; Go and betray me. I have naught to give. LERMA. Will you then stay and brave the ill that follows? CARLOS (leans on a balustrade and looks forward with a vacant gaze). I've lost him now, and I am destitute! LERMA (approaching him with sympathizing emotion). And will you not consult your safety, prince? CARLOS. My safety! Generous man! LERMA: And is there, then, No other person you should tremble for? CARLOS (starts up). Heavens! you remind me now. Alas! My mother! The letter that I gave him - first refused - Then after, gave him! [He paces backwards and forwards with agitation, wringing his hands. Has she then deserved This blow from him? He should have spared her, Lerma. [In a hasty, determined tone. But I must see her - warn her of her danger - I must prepare her, Lerma, dearest Lerma! Whom shall I send? Have I no friend remaining? Yes! Heaven be praised! I still have one; and now The worst is over. [Exit quickly. LEEMA (follows, and calls after him). Whither, whither, prince? SCENE XIV. The QUEEN, ALVA, DOMINGO. ALVA. If we may be permitted, gracious queen - - QUEEN. What are your wishes? DOMINGO. A most true regard For your high majesty forbids us now To watch in careless silence an event Pregnant with danger to your royal safety. ALVA. We hasten, by a kind and timely warning, To counteract a plot that's laid against you. DOMINGO. And our warm zeal, and our best services, To lay before your feet, most gracious queen! QUEEN (looking at them with astonishment). Most reverend sir, and you, my noble duke, You much surprise me. Such sincere attachment, In truth, I had not hoped for from Domingo, Nor from Duke Alva. Much I value it. A plot you mention, menacing my safety - Dare I inquire by whom - - ALVA. You will beware a certain Marquis Posa He has of late been secretly employed In the king's service. QUEEN. With delight I hear The king has made so excellent a choice. Report, long since, has spoken of the marquis As a deserving, great, and virtuous man - The royal grace was ne'er so well bestowed! DOMINGO. So well bestowed! We think far otherwise. ALVA. It is no secret now, for what designs This man has been employed. QUEEN. How! What designs? You put my expectation on the rack. DOMINGO. How long is it since last your majesty Opened your casket? QUEEN. Why do you inquire? DOMINGO. Did you not miss some articles of value? QUEEN. Why these suspicions? What I missed was then Known to the court! But what of Marquis Posa? Say, what connection has all this with him? ALVA. The closest, please your majesty - the prince Has lost some papers of importance; And they were seen this morning with the king After the marquis had an audience of him. QUEEN (after some consideration). This news is strange indeed - inexplicable To find a foe where I could ne'er have dreamed it, And two warm friends I knew not I possessed! [Fixing her eyes steadfastly upon them. And, to speak truth, I had well nigh imputed To you the wicked turn my husband served me. ALVA. To us! QUEEN. To you yourselves! DOMINGO. To me! Duke Alva! QUEEN (her eyes still fastened on them). I am glad to be so timely made aware Of my rash judgment - else had I resolved This very day to beg his majesty Would bring me face to face with my accusers. But I'm contented now. I can appeal To the Duke Alva for his testimony. ALVA. For mine? You would not sure do that! QUEEN. Why not? ALVA. 'Twould counteract the services we might Render in secret to you. QUEEN. How! in secret? [With stern dignity. I fain would know what secret projects, duke, Your sovereign's spouse can have to form with you, Or, priest! with you - her husband should not know? Think you that I am innocent or guilty? DOMINGO. Strange question! ALVA. Should the monarch prove unjust - And at this time - - QUEEN. Then I must wait for justice Until it come - and they are happiest far Whose consciences may calmly wait their right. [Bows to them and exit. DOMINGO and ALVA exeunt on the opposite side. SCENE XV. Chamber Of PRINCESS EBOLI. PRINCESS EBOLI. CARLOS immediately after. EBOLI. Is it then true - the strange intelligence, That fills the court with wonder? CARLOS (enters). Do not fear Princess! I shall be gentle as a child. EBOLI. Prince, this intrusion! CARLOS. Are you angry still? Offended still with me - - EBOLI. Prince! CARLOS (earnestly). Are you angry? I pray you answer me. EBOLI. What can this mean? You seem, prince, to forget - what would you with me? CARLOS (seizing her hand with warmth). Dear maiden! Can you hate eternally? Can injured love ne'er pardon? EBOLI (disengaging herself). Prince! of what Would you remind me? CARLOS. Of your kindness, dearest! And of my deep ingratitude. Alas, Too well I know it! deeply have I wronged thee - Wounded thy tender heart, and from thine eyes, Thine angel eyes, wrung precious tears, sweet maid! But ah! 'tis not repentance leads me hither. EBOLI. Prince! leave me - I - - CARLOS. I come to thee, because Thou art a maid of gentle soul - because I trust thy heart - thy kind and tender heart. Think, dearest maiden! think, I have no friend, No friend but thee, in all this wretched world - Thou who wert once so kind wilt not forever Hate me, nor will thy anger prove eternal. EBOLI (turning away her face). O cease! No more! for heaven's sake! leave me, prince. CARLOS. Let me remind thee of those golden hours - Let me remind thee of thy love, sweet maid - That love which I so basely have offended! Oh, let me now appear to thee again As once I was - and as thy heart portrayed me. Yet once again, once only, place my image, As in days past, before thy tender soul, And to that idol make a sacrifice Thou canst not make to me. EBOLI. Oh, Carlos, cease! Too cruelly thou sportest with my feelings! CARLOS. Be nobler than thy sex! Forgive an insult! Do what no woman e'er has done before thee, And what no woman, after thee, can equal. I ask of thee an unexampled favor. Grant me - upon my knees I ask of thee Grant me two moments with the queen, my mother! [He casts himself at her feet. SCENE XVI. The former. MARQUIS POSA rushes in; behind him two Officers of the Queen's Guard. MARQUIS (breathless and agitated, rushing between CARLOS and the PRINCESS). Say, what has he confessed? Believe him not! CARLOS (still on his knees, with loud voice). By all that's holy - - MARQUIS (interrupting him with vehemence). He is mad! He raves! Oh, listen to him not! CARLOS (louder and more urgent). It is a question Of life and death; conduct me to her straight. MARQUIS (dragging the PRINCESS from him by force). You die, if you but listen. [To one of the officers, showing an order. Count of Cordova! In the king's name, Prince Carlos is your prisoner. [CARLOS stands bewildered. The PRINCESS utters a cry of horror, and tries to escape. The officers are astounded. A long and deep pause ensues. The MARQUIS trembles violently, and with difficulty preserves his composure. [To the PRINCE. I beg your sword - The Princess Eboli Remains - - [To the officers. And you, on peril of your lives, Let no one with his highness speak - no person - Not e'en yourselves. [He whispers a few words to one officer, then turns to the other. I hasten, instantly, To cast myself before our monarch's feet, And justify this step - - [To the PRINCE. And prince! for you - Expect me in an hour. [CARLOS permits himself to be led away without any signs of consciousness, except that in passing he casts a languid, dying look on the MARQUIS. The PRINCESS endeavors again to escape; the MARQUIS pulls her back by the arm. SCENE XVII. PRINCESS EBOLI, MARQUIS POSA. EBOLI. For Heaven's sake let me leave this place - - MARQUIS (leads her forward with dreadful earnestness). Thou wretch! What has he said to thee? EBOLI. Oh, leave me! Nothing. MARQUIS (with earnestness; holding her back by force). How much has he imparted to thee? Here No way is left thee to escape. To none In this world shalt thou ever tell it. EBOLI (looking at him with terror). Heavens! What would you do? Would you then murder me? MARQUIS (drawing a dagger). Yes, that is my resolve. Be speedy! EBOLI. Mercy! What have I then committed? MARQUIS (looking towards heaven, points the dagger to her breast). Still there's time - The poison has not issued from these lips. Dash but the bowl to atoms, all remains Still as before! The destinies of Spain Against a woman's life! [Remains doubtingly in this position. EBOLI (having sunk down beside him, looks in his face). Do not delay - Why do you hesitate? I beg no mercy - I have deserved to die, and I am ready. MARQUIS (letting his hand drop slowly - after some reflection). It were as cowardly as barbarous. No! God be praised! another way is left. [He lets the dagger fall and hurries out. The PRINCESS hastens out through another door. SCENE XVIII. A Chamber of the QUEEN. The QUEEN to the COUNTESS FUENTES. What means this noisy tumult in the palace? Each breath to-day alarms me! Countess! see What it portends, and hasten back with speed. [Exit COUNTESS FUENTES - the PRINCESS EBOLI rushes in. SCENE XIX. The QUEEN, PRINCESS EBOLI. EBOLI (breathless, pale, and wild, falls before the QUEEN). Help! Help! O Queen! he's seized! QUEEN. Who? EBOLI. He's arrested By the king's orders given to Marquis Posa. QUEEN. Who is arrested? Who? EBOLI. The prince! QUEEN. Thou ravest EBOLI. This moment they are leading him away. QUEEN. And who arrested him? EBOLI. The Marquis Posa. QUEEN. Then heaven be praised! it was the marquis seized him! EBOLI. Can you speak thus, and with such tranquil mien? Oh, heavens! you do not know - you cannot think - - QUEEN. The cause of his arrest! some trifling error, Doubtless arising from his headlong youth! EBOLI. No! no! I know far better. No, my queen! Remorseless treachery! There's no help for him. He dies! QUEEN. He dies! EBOLI. And I'm his murderer! QUEEN. What! Dies? Thou ravest! Think what thou art saying? EBOLI. And wherefore - wherefore dies he? Had I known That it would come to this! QUEEN (takes her affectionately by the hand). Oh, dearest princess, Your senses are distracted, but collect Your wandering spirits, and relate to me More calmly, not in images of horror That fright my inmost soul, whate'er you know! Say, what has happened? EBOLI. Oh, display not, queen, Such heavenly condescension! Like hot flames This kindness sears my conscience. I'm not worthy To view thy purity with eyes profane. Oh, crush the wretch, who, agonized by shame, Remorse, and self-reproach writhes at thy feet! QUEEN. Unhappy woman! Say, what is thy guilt? EBOLI. Angel of light! Sweet saint! thou little knowest The demon who has won thy loving smiles. Know her to-day; I was the wretched thief Who plundered thee. QUEEN. What! Thou? EBOLI. And gave thy letters Up to the king? QUEEN. What! Thou? EBOLI. And dared accuse thee! QUEEN. Thou! Couldst thou this? EBOLI. Revenge and madness - love - I hated thee, and loved the prince! QUEEN. And did His love so prompt thee? QUEEN. And who arrested him? EBOLI. I had owned my love, But met with no return. QUEEN (after a pause). Now all's explained! Rise up! - you loved him - I have pardoned you I have forgotten all. Now, princess, rise. [Holding out her hand to the PRINCESS. EBOLI. No, no; a foul confession still remains. I will not rise, great queen, till I - - QUEEN. Then speak! What have I yet to hear? EBOLI. The king! Seduction! Oh, now you turn away. And in your eyes I read abhorrence. Yes; of that foul crime I charged you with, I have myself been guilty. [She presses her burning face to the ground. Exit QUEEN. A long pause. The COUNTESS OLIVAREZ, after some minutes, comes out of the cabinet, into which the QUEEN entered, and finds the PRINCESS still lying in the above posture. She approaches in silence. On hearing a noise, the latter looks up and becomes like a mad person when she misses the QUEEN. SCENE XX. PRINCESS EBOLI, COUNTESS OLIVAREZ. EBOLI. Heavens! she has left me. I am now undone! OLIVAREZ (approaching her). My princess - Eboli! EBOLI. I know your business, Duchess, and you come hither from the queen, To speak my sentence to me; do it quickly. OLIVAREZ. I am commanded by your majesty To take your cross and key. EBOLI (takes from her breast a golden cross, and gives it to the UCHESS). And but once more May I not kiss my gracious sovereign's hand? OLIVAREZ. In holy Mary's convent shall you learn Your fate, princess. EBOLI (with a flood of tears). Alas! then I no more Shall ever see the queen. OLIVAREZ (embraces her with her face turned away). Princess, farewell. [She goes hastily away. The PRINCESS follows her as far as the door of the cabinet, which is immediately locked after the DUCHESS. She remains a few minutes silent and motionless on her knees before it. She then rises and hastens away, covering her face. SCENE XXI. QUEEN, MARQUIS POSA. QUEEN. Ah, marquis, I am glad you're come at last! MARQUIS (pale, with a disturbed countenance and trembling voice, in solemn, deep agitation, during the whole scene). And is your majesty alone? Can none Within the adjoining chamber overhear us? QUEEN. No one! But why? What news would you impart? [Looking at him closely, and drawing back alarmed. And what has wrought this change in you? Speak, marquis, You make me tremble - all your features seem So marked with death! MARQUIS. You know, perhaps, already. QUEEN. That Carlos is arrested - and they add, By you! Is it then true? From no one else Would I believe it but yourself. MARQUIS. 'Tis true. QUEEN. By you? MARQUIS. By me? QUEEN (looks at him for some time doubtingly). I still respect your actions E'en when I comprehend them not. In this Pardon a timid woman! I much fear You play a dangerous game. MARQUIS. And I have lost it. QUEEN. Merciful heaven! MARQUIS. Queen, fear not! He is safe, But I am lost myself. QUEEN. What do I hear? MARQUIS. Who bade me hazard all on one chance throw? All? And with rash, foolhardy confidence, Sport with the power of heaven? Of bounded mind, Man, who is not omniscient, must not dare To guide the helm of destiny. 'Tis just! But why these thoughts of self. This hour is precious As life can be to man: and who can tell Whether the parsimonious hand of fate May not have measured my last drops of life. QUEEN. The hand of fate! What means this solemn tone? I understand these words not - but I shudder. MARQUIS. He's saved! no matter at what price - he's saved! But only for to-day - a few short hours Are his. Oh, let him husband them! This night The prince must leave Madrid. QUEEN. This very night? MARQUIS. All measures are prepared. The post will meet him At the Carthusian convent, which has served So long as an asylum to our friendship. Here will he find, in letters of exchange, All in the world that fortune gifts me with. Should more be wanting, you must e'en supply it. In truth, I have within my heart full much To unburden to my Carlos - it may chance I shall want leisure now to tell him all In person - but this evening you will see him, And therefore I address myself to you. QUEEN. Oh, for my peace of mind, dear marquis, speak! Explain yourself more clearly! Do not use This dark, and fearful, and mysterious language! Say, what has happened? MARQUIS. I have yet one thing, A matter of importance on my mind: In your hands I deposit it. My lot Was such as few indeed have e'er enjoyed - I loved a prince's son. My heart to one - To that one object given. - embraced the world! I have created in my Carlos' soul, A paradise for millions! Oh, my dream Was lovely! But the will of Providence Has summoned me away, before my hour, From this my beauteous work. His Roderigo Soon shall be his no more, and friendship's claim Will be transferred to love. Here, therefore, here, Upon this sacred altar - on the heart Of his loved queen - I lay my last bequest A precious legacy - he'll find it here, When I shall be no more. [He turns away, his voice choked with grief. QUEEN. This is the language Of a dying man - it surely emanates But from your blood's excitement - or does sense Lie hidden in your language? MARQUIS (has endeavored to collect himself, and continues in a solemn voice). Tell the prince, That he must ever bear in mind the oath We swore, in past enthusiastic days, Upon the sacred host. I have kept mine - I'm true to him till death - 'tis now his turn - - QUEEN. Till death? MARQUIS. Oh, bid him realize the dream, The glowing vision which our friendship painted, Of a new-perfect realm! And let him lay The first hand on the rude, unshapened stone. Whether he fail or prosper - all alike - Let him commence the work. When centuries Have rolled away shall Providence again Raise to the throne a princely youth like him, And animate again a favorite son Whose breast shall burn with like enthusiasm. Tell him, in manhood, he must still revere The dreams of early youth, nor ope the heart Of heaven's all-tender flower to canker-worms Of boasted reason, - nor be led astray When, by the wisdom of the dust, he hears Enthusiasm, heavenly-born, blasphemed. I have already told him. QUEEN. Whither, marquis? Whither does all this tend? MARQUIS. And tell him further, I lay upon his soul the happiness Of man - that with my dying breath I claim, Demand it of him - and with justest title. I had designed a new, a glorious morn, To waken in these kingdoms: for to me Philip had opened all his inmost heart - Called me his son - bestowed his seals upon me - And Alva was no more his counsellor. [He pauses, and looks at the QUEEN for a few moments in silence. You weep! I know those tears, beloved soul! Oh, they are tears of joy! - but it is past - Forever past! Carlos or I? The choice Was prompt and fearful. One of us must perish! And I will be that one. Oh, ask no more! QUEEN. Now, now, at last, I comprehend your meaning, Unhappy man! What have you done? MARQUIS. Cut off Two transient hours of evening to secure A long, bright summer-day! I now give up The king forever. What were I to the king? In such cold soil no rose of mine could bloom; In my great friend must Europe's fortune ripen. Spain I bequeath to him, still bathed in blood From Philip's iron hand. But woe to him, Woe to us both, if I have chosen wrong! But no - oh, no! I know my Carlos better - 'Twill never come to pass! - for this, my queen, You stand my surety. [After a silence. Yes! I saw his love In its first blossom - saw his fatal passion Take root in his young heart. I had full power To check it; but I did not. The attachment Which seemed to me not guilty, I still nourished. The world may censure me, but I repent not, Nor does my heart accuse me. I saw life Where death appeared to others. In a flame So hopeless I discerned hope's golden beam. I wished to lead him to the excellent - To exalt him to the highest point of beauty. Mortality denied a model to me, And language, words. Then did I bend his views To this point only - and my whole endeavor Was to explain to him his love. QUEEN. Your friend, Marquis! so wholly occupied your mind, That for his cause you quite forgot my own - Could you suppose that I had thrown aside All woman's weaknesses, that you could dare Make me his angel, and confide alone In virtue for his armor? You forget What risks this heart must run, when we ennoble Passion with such a beauteous name as this. MARQUIS. Yes, in all other women - but in one, One only, 'tis not so. For you, I swear it. And should you blush to indulge the pure desire To call heroic virtue into life? Can it affect King Philip, that his works Of noblest art, in the Escurial, raise Immortal longings in the painter's soul, Who stands entranced before them? Do the sounds That slumber in the lute, belong alone To him who buys the chords? With ear unmoved He may preserve his treasure: - he has bought The wretched right to shiver it to atoms, But not the power to wake its silver tones, Or, in the magic of its sounds, dissolve. Truth is created for the sage, as beauty Is for the feeling heart. They own each other. And this belief, no coward prejudice Shall make me e'er disclaim. Then promise, queen, That you will ever love him. That false shame, Or fancied dignity, shall never make you Yield to the voice of base dissimulation: - That you will love him still, unchanged, forever. Promise me this, oh, queen! Here solemnly Say, do you promise? QUEEN. That my heart alone Shall ever vindicate my love, I promise - - MARQUIS (drawing his hand back). Now I die satisfied - my work is done. [He bows to the QUEEN, and is about to go. QUEEN (follows him with her eyes in silence). You are then going, marquis, and have not Told me how soon - and when - we meet again? MARQUIS (comes back once more, his face turned away). Yes, we shall surely meet again! QUEEN. Now, Posa, I understand you. Why have you done this? MARQUIS. Carlos or I myself! QUEEN. No! no! you rush Headlong into a deed you deem, sublime. Do not deceive yourself: I know you well: Long have you thirsted for it. If your pride But have its fill, what matters it to you Though thousand hearts should break. Oh! now, at length, I comprehend your feelings - 'tis the love Of admiration which has won your heart - - MARQUIS (surprised, aside). No! I was not prepared for this - - QUEEN (after a pause). Oh, marquis! Is there no hope of preservation? MARQUIS. None. QUEEN. None? Oh, consider well! None possible! Not e'en by me? MARQUIS. Not even, queen, by thee. QUEEN. You but half know me - I have courage, marquis - - MARQUIS. I know it - - QUEEN. And no means of safety? MARQUIS. None QUEEN (turning away and covering her face). Go! Never more shall I respect a man - - MARQUIS (casts himself on his knees before her in evident emotion). O queen! O heaven! how lovely still is life! [He starts up and rushes out. The QUEEN retires into her cabinet. SCENE XXII. DUKE ALVA and DOMINGO walking up and down in silence and separately. COUNT LERMA comes out of the KING's cabinet, and afterwards DON RAYMOND OF TAXIS, the Postmaster-General. LERMA. Has not the marquis yet appeared? ALVA. Not yet. [LERMA about to re-enter the cabinet. TAXIS (enters). Count Lerma! Pray announce me to the king? LERMA. His majesty cannot be seen. TAXIS. But say That I must see him; that my business is Of urgent import to his majesty. Make haste - it will admit of no delay. [LERMA enters the cabinet. ALVA. Dear Taxis, you must learn a little patience - You cannot see the king. TAXIS. Not see him! Why? ALVA. You should have been considerate, and procured Permission from the Marquis Posa first - Who keeps both son and father in confinement. TAXIS. The Marquis Posa! Right - that is the man From whom I bring this letter. ALVA. Ah! What letter? TAXIS. A letter to be forwarded to Brussels. ALVA (attentively). To Brussels? TAXIS. And I bring it to the king. ALVA. Indeed! to Brussels! Heard you that, Domingo? DOMINGO (joining them). Full of suspicion! TAXIS. And with anxious mien, And deep embarrassment he gave it to me. DOMINGO. Embarrassment! To whom is it directed? TAXIS. The Prince of Orange and Nassau. ALVA. To William! There's treason here, Domingo! DOMINGO. Nothing less! In truth this letter must, without delay, Be laid before the king. A noble service You render, worthy man - to be so firm In the discharge of duty. TAXIS. Reverend sir! 'Tis but my duty. ALVA. But you do it well. LERMA (coming out of the cabinet, addressing TAXIS). The king will see you. [TAXIS goes in. Is the marquis come? DOMINGO. He has been sought for everywhere. ALVA. 'Tis strange! The prince is a state prisoner! And the king Knows not the reason why! DOMINGO. He never came To explain the business here. ALVA. What says the king? LERMA. The king spoke not a word. [A noise in the cabinet. ALVA. What noise is that? TAXIS (coming out of the cabinet). Count Lerma! [Both enter. ALVA (to DOMINGO). What so deeply can engage them. DOMINGO. That look of fear! This intercepted letter! It augurs nothing good. ALVA. He sends for Lerma! Yet he must know full well that you and I Are both in waiting. DOMINGO. Ah! our day is over! ALVA. And am I not the same to whom these doors Flew open once? But, ah! how changed is all Around me and how strange! [DOMINGO approaches the cabinet door softly, and remains listening before it. ALVA (after a pause). Hark! All is still And silent as the grave!' I hear them breathe. DOMINGO. The double tapestry absorbs the sounds! ALVA. Away! there's some one coming. All appears So solemn and so still - as if this instant Some deep momentous question were decided. SCENE XXIII. The PRINCE OF PARMA, the DUKES OF FERIA and MEDINA SIDONIA, with other GRANDEES enter - the preceding. PARMA. Say, can we see the king? ALVA. No! PARMA. Who is with him? FERIA. The Marquis Posa, doubtless? ALVA. Every instant He is expected here. PARMA. This moment we Arrive from Saragossa. Through Madrid Terror prevails! Is the announcement true? Domingo. Alas, too true! FERIA. That he has been arrested By the marquis! ALVA. Yes. PARMA. And wherefore? What's the cause? ALVA. Wherefore? That no one knows, except the king And Marquis Posa. PARMA. And without the warrant Of the assembled Cortes of the Realm? FERIA. That man shall suffer, who has lent a hand To infringe the nation's rights. ALVA. And so say I! MEDINA SIDONIA. And I! THE OTHER GRANDEES. And all of us! ALVA. Who'll follow me Into the cabinet? I'll throw myself Before the monarch's feet. LERMA (rushing out of the cabinet). The Duke of Alva! DOMINGO. Then God be praised at last! LERMA. When Marquis Posa Comes, say the king's engaged and he'll be sent for. DOMINGO (to LERMA; all the others having gathered round him, full of anxious expectation). Count! What has happened? You are pale as death! LERMA (hastening away). Fell villany! PARMA and FERIA. What! what! MEDINA SIDONIA. How is the king? DOMINGO (at the same time). Fell villany! Explain - - LERMA. The king shed tears! DOMINGO. Shed tears! ALL (together with astonishment). The king shed tears! [The bell rings in the cabinet, COUNT LERMA hastens in. DOMINGO. Count, yet one word. Pardon! He's gone! We're fettered in amazement. SCENE XXIV. PRINCESS EBOLI, FERIA, MEDINA SIDONIA, PARMA, DOMINGO, and other grandees. EBOLI (hurriedly and distractedly). Where is the king? Where? I must speak with him. [To FERIA. Conduct me to him, duke! FERIA. The monarch is Engaged in urgent business. No one now Can be admitted. EBOLI. Has he signed, as yet, The fatal sentence? He has been deceived. DOMINGO (giving her a significant look at a distance). The Princess Eboli! EBOLI (going to him). What! you here, priest? The very man I want! You can confirm My testimony! [She seizes his hand and would drag him into the cabinet. DOMINGO. I? You rave, princess! FERIA. Hold back. The king cannot attend you now. EBOLI. But he must hear me; he must hear the truth The truth, were he ten times a deity. EBOLI. Man, tremble at the anger of thy idol. I have naught left to hazard. [Attempts to enter the cabinet; ALVA rushes out, his eyes sparkling, triumph in his gait. He hastens to DOMINGO, and embraces him. ALVA. Let each church Resound with high To Dennis. Victory At length is ours. DOMINGO. What! Ours? ALVA (to DOMINGO and the other GRANDEES). Now to the king. You shall hereafter hear the sequel from me. ACT V. SCENE I. A chamber in the royal palace, separated from a large fore-court by an iron-barred gate. Sentinels walking up and down. CARLOS sitting at a table, with his head leaning forward on his arms, as if he were asleep. In the background of the chamber are some officers, confined with him. The MARQUIS POSA enters, unobserved by him, and whispers to the officers, who immediately withdraw. He himself steps close up to CARLOS, and looks at him for a few minutes in silent sorrow. At last he makes a motion which awakens him out of his stupor. CARLOS rises, and seeing the MARQUIS, starts back. He regards him for some time with fixed eyes, and draws his hand over his forehead as if he wished to recollect something. MARQUIS. Carlos! 'tie I. CARLOS (gives him his hand). Comest thou to me again? 'Tis friendly of thee, truly. MARQUIS. Here I thought Thou mightest need a friend. CARLOS. Indeed! was that Thy real thought? Oh, joy unspeakable! Right well I knew thou still wert true to me. MARQUIS. I have deserved this from thee. CARLOS. Hast thou not? And now we understand each other fully, It joys my heart. This kindness, this forbearance Becomes our noble souls. For should there be One rash, unjust demand amongst my wishes, Wouldst thou, for that, refuse me what was just? Virtue I know may often be severe, But never is she cruel and inhuman. Oh! it hath cost thee much; full well I know How thy kind heart with bitter anguish bled As thy hands decked the victim for the altar. MARQUIS. What meanest thou, Carlos? CARLOS. Thou, thyself, wilt now Fulfil the joyous course I should have run. Thou wilt bestow on Spain those golden days She might have hoped in vain to win from me. I'm lost, forever lost; thou saw'st it clearly. This fatal love has scattered, and forever, All the bright, early blossoms of my mind. To all the great, exalted hopes I'm dead. Chance led thee to the king - or Providence, - It cost thee but my secret - and at once He was thine own - thou may'st become his angel: But I am lost, though Spain perhaps may flourish. Well, there is nothing to condemn, if not My own mad blindness. Oh, I should have known That thou art no less great than tender-hearted. MARQUIS. No! I foresaw not, I considered not That friendship's generous heart would lead thee on Beyond my worldly prudence. I have erred, My fabric's shattered - I forgot thy heart. CARLOS. Yet, if it had been possible to spare Her fate - oh, how intensely I had thanked thee! Could I not bear the burden by myself? And why must she be made a second victim? But now no more, I'll spare thee this reproach. What is the queen to thee? Say, dost thou love her? Could thy exalted virtue e'er consult The petty interests of my wretched passion? Oh, pardon me! I was unjust - - MARQUIS. Thou art so! But not for this reproach. Deserved I one, I merit all - and then I should not stand Before you as I do. [He takes out his portfolio. I have some letters To give you back of those you trusted to me. CARLOS (looks first at the letters, then at the MARQUIS, in astonishment). How! MARQUIS. I return them now because they may Prove safer in thy custody than mine. CARLOS. What meanest thou? Has his majesty not read them? Have they not been before him? MARQUIS. What, these letters! CARLOS. Thou didst not show them all, then? MARQUIS. Who has said That ever I showed one? CARLOS (astonished). Can it be so? Count Lerma - - MARQUIS. He! he told thee so! Now all Is clear as day. But who could have foreseen it? Lerma! Oh, no, he hath not learned to lie. 'Tis true, the king has all the other letters. CARLOS (looks at him long with speechless astonishment). But wherefore am I here? MARQUIS. For caution's sake, Lest thou should chance, a second time, to make An Eboli thy confidant. CARLOS (as if waking from a dream). Ha! Now I see it all - all is explained. MARQUIS (goes to the door). Who's there? SCENE II. DUKE ALVA. The former. ALVA (approaching the PRINCE with respect, but turning his back on the MARQUIS during the whole scene). Prince, you are free. Deputed by the king I come to tell you so. [CARLOS looks at the MARQUIS with astonishment. General silence. And I, in truth, Am fortunate to have this honor first - - CARLOS (looking at both with extreme amazement, after a pause, to the DUKE). I am imprisoned, duke, and set at freedom, Unconscious of the cause of one or other. ALVA. As far as I know, prince, 'twas through an error, To which the king was driven by a traitor. CARLOS. Then am I here by order of the king? ALVA. Yes, through an error of his majesty. CARLOS. That gives me pain, indeed. But when the king Commits an error, 'twould beseem the king, Methinks, to remedy the fault in person. I am Don Philip's son - and curious eyes And slanderous looks are on me. What the king Hath done from sense of duty ne'er will I Appear to owe to your considerate favor. I am prepared to appear before the Cortes, And will not take my sword from such a hand. ALVA. The king will never hesitate to grant Your highness a request so just. Permit That I conduct you to him. CARLOS. Here I stay Until the king or all Madrid shall come To lead me from my prison. Take my answer. [ALVA withdraws. He is still seen for some time lingering in the court and giving orders to the guards. SCENE III. CARLOS and MARQUIS POSA. CARLOS (after the departure of the DUKE, full of expectation and astonishment, to the MARQUIS). What means all this? Inform me, Roderigo - Art thou not, then, the minister? MARQUIS. I was, As thou canst well perceive - - [Going to him with great emotion. O Carlos! Now I have succeeded - yes - it is accomplished - 'Tis over now - Omnipotence be praised, To whom I owe success. CARLOS. Success! What mean you? Thy words perplex me. MARQUIS (takes his hand). Carlos! thou art saved - Art free - but I - - [He stops short. CARLOS. But thou - - MARQUIS. Thus to my breast I press thee now, with friendship's fullest right, A right I've bought with all I hold most dear. How great, how lovely, Carlos, is this moment Of self-approving joy? CARLOS. What sudden change I mark upon thy features! Proudly now Thy bosom heaves, thine eyes dart vivid fire! MARQUIS. We must say farewell, Carlos! Tremble 'not, But be a man! And what thou more shalt hear, Promise me, not by unavailing sorrow, Unworthy of great souls, to aggravate The pangs of parting. I am lost to thee, Carlos, for many years - fools say forever. [CARLOS withdraws his hand, but makes no reply. Be thou a man: I've reckoned much on thee - I have not even shunned to pass with thee This awful hour - which men, in words of fear, Have termed the final one. I own it, Carlos, I joy to pass it thus. Come let us sit - I feel myself grown weary and exhausted. [He approaches CARLOS, who is in a lifeless stupor, and allows himself to be involuntarily drawn down by him. Where art thou? No reply! I must be brief. Upon the day that followed our last meeting At the Carthusian monastery the king Called me before him. What ensued thou knowest, And all Madrid. Thou hast not heard, however, Thy secret even then had reached his ears - That letters in the queen's possession found Had testified against thee. This I learned From his own lips - I was his confidant. [He pauses for CARLOS' answer, but he still remains silent. Yes, Carlos, with my lips I broke my faith - Guided the plot myself that worked thy ruin. Thy deed spoke trumpet-tongued; to clear thee fully 'Twas now too late: to frustrate his revenge Was all that now remained for me; and so I made myself thy enemy to-serve thee With fuller power - dost thou not hear me, Carlos, CARLOS. Go on! go on! I hear thee. MARQUIS. To this point I'm guiltless. But the unaccustomed beams Of royal favor dazzled me. The rumor, As I had well foreseen, soon reached thine ears But by mistaken delicacy led, And blinded by my vain desire to end My enterprise alone, I kept concealed From friendship's ear my hazardous design. This was my fatal error! Here I failed! I know it. My self-confidence was madness. Pardon that confidence - 'twas founded, Carlos, Upon our friendship's everlasting base. [He pauses. CARLOS passes from torpid silence to violent agitation. That which I feared befell. Unreal dangers Alarmed your mind. The bleeding queen - the tumult Within the palace - Lerma's interference - And, last of all, my own mysterious silence, Conspired to overwhelm thy heart with wonder. Thou wavered'st, thought'st me lost; but far too noble To doubt thy friend's integrity, thy soul Clothed his defection with a robe of honor, Nor judged him faithless till it found a motive To screen and justify his breach of faith. Forsaken by thy only friend - 'twas then Thou sought'st the arms of Princess Eboli - A demon's arms! 'Twas she betrayed thee, Carlos! I saw thee fly to her - a dire foreboding Struck on my heart - I followed thee too late! Already wert thou prostrate at her feet, The dread avowal had escaped thy lips - No way was left to save thee. CARLOS. No! her heart Was moved, thou dost mistake, her heart was moved. MARQUIS. Night overspread my mind. No remedy, No refuge, no retreat was left to me In nature's boundless compass. Blind despair Transformed me to a fury - to a tiger - I raised my dagger to a woman's breast. But in that moment - in that dreadful moment - A radiant sunbeam fell upon my soul. "Could I mislead the king! Could I succeed In making him think me the criminal! However improbable, the very guilt Will be enough to win the king's belief. I'll dare the task - a sudden thunderbolt May make the tyrant start - what want I further? He stops to think, and Carlos thus gains time To fly to Brussels." CARLOS. And hast thou done this? MARQUIS. I have despatched a letter to Prince William, Saying I loved the queen, and had escaped The king's mistrust in the unjust suspicion Which falsely fell on thee - that I had found Means, through the monarch's favor, to obtain Free access to the queen. I added, further, That I was fearful of discovery - That thou hadst learned my secret, and hadst sped To Princess Eboli, with hopes through her To warn the queen - that I had made thee prisoner - And now that all seemed lost, I had resolved To fly to Brussels. This same letter I - - CARLOS (interrupts him, terrified). Hast surely not intrusted to the post! Thou knowest that letters to Brabant and Flanders - - MARQUIS. Are given to the king; and as things go Taxis would seem to have discharged his duty. CARLOS. Heavens! then I'm lost. MARQUIS. How lost? What meanest thou? CARLOS. And thou, alas! art lost together with me - This dreadful fraud my father ne'er will pardon. MARQUIS. This fraud! Thou'rt mad! Who will disclose it to him? CARLOS (regards him with a fixed look). Who! Dost thou ask? I will myself. MARQUIS. Thou ravest! Stand back - - CARLOS. Away! For heaven's sake hold me not. While I stay here, he's hiring the assassins. MARQUIS. Then is our time more precious - and we still Have much to say. CARLOS. What! Before all is finished? [He makes another effort to go. The MARQUIS holds him by the arm, and looks at him impressively. MARQUIS. Carlos! was I so scrupulous - so eager - When thou, a boy, didst shed thy blood for me? CARLOS (with emotion, and full of admiration). Kind Providence! MARQUIS. Reserve thyself for Flanders! The kingdom is thy destiny - 'tis mine To give my life for thee. CARLOS (takes his hand with deep sensibility). No, no! he will not, Cannot resist a virtue so sublime. I will conduct thee to him, and together, Arm linked in arm, will we appear before him. Then thus will I address him: "Father, see, This is the way a friend acts towards his friend." Trust me, 'twill move him - it will touch his heart. He's not without humanity, - my father. Yes, it will move him. With hot tears, his eyes Will overflow - and he will pardon us. [A shot is fired through the iron grating. CARLOS leaps up. Whom was that meant for? MARQUIS (sinking down). I believe - for me. CARLOS (falling to the earth with a loud cry of grief). O God of mercy! MARQUIS. He is quick - the king. I had hoped - a little longer - Carlos - think Of means of flight - dost hear me? - of thy flight. Thy mother - knows it all - I can no more. [Dies. [CARLOS remains by the corpse, like one bereft of life. After some time the KING enters, accompanied by many GRANDEES; and starts, panic-struck, at the sight. A general and deep silence. The GRANDEES range themselves in a semi-circle round them both, and regard the KING and his SON alternately. The latter continues without any sign of life. The KING regards him in thoughtful silence. SCENE IV. The KING, CARLOS, the DUKESS ALVA, FERIA, and MEDINA SIDONIA, PRINCE OF PARMA, COUNT LERMA, DOMINGO, and numerous GRANDEES. KING (in a gentle tone). Thy prayer hath met a gracious hearing, prince, And here I come, with all the noble peers Of this my court, to bring thee liberty. [CARLOS raises his eyes and looks around him like one awakened from a dream. His eyes are fixed now on the KING, now on the corpse; he gives no answer. Receive thy sword again. We've been too rash! [He approaches him, holds out his hand, and assists him to rise. My son's not in his place; Carlos, arise! Come to thy father's arms! His love awaits thee. CARLOS (receives the embrace of the KING without any consciousness. Suddenly recollects himself, pauses and looks fixedly at him). Thou smell'st of blood - no, I cannot embrace thee! [Pushes his father back. All the GRANDEES are in commotion. CARLOS to them: - Nay, stand not there confounded and amazed! - What monstrous action have I done? Defiled The anointed of the Lord! Oh, fear me not, I would not lay a hand on him. Behold, Stamped on his forehead is the damning brand! The hand of God hath marked him! KING (about to go quickly). Nobles! follow. CARLOS. Whither? You stir not from this spot. [Detaining the KING forcibly with both hands, while with one he manages to seize the sword which the KING has brought with him, and it comes from the scabbard. KING. What! Draw A sword upon thy father? ALL THE GRANDEES (drawing their swords). Regicide! CARLOS (holding the KING firmly with one hand, the naked sword in the other). Put up your swords! What! Think you I am mad? I am not so: or you were much to blame Thus to remind me, that upon the point Of this my sword, his trembling life doth hover. I pray you, stand aloof; for souls like mine Need soothing. There - hold back! And with the king What I have yet to settle touches not Your loyalty. See there - his hand is bloody! Do you not see it? And now look you here! [Pointing to the corpse. This hath he done with a well-practised hand. KING (to the GRANDEES, who press anxiously around him). Retire! Why do you tremble? Are we not Father and son? I will yet wait and see To what atrocious crime his nature - - CARLOS. Nature I know her not. Murder is now the word! The bonds of all humanity are severed, Thine own hands have dissolved them through the realm. Shall I respect a tie which thou hast scorned? Oh, see! see here! the foulest deed of blood That e'er the world beheld. Is there no God That kings, in his creation, work such havoc? Is there no God, I ask? Since mother's wombs Bore children, one alone - and only one - So guiltlessly hath died. And art thou sensible What thou hast done? Oh, no! he knows it not: Knows not that he has robbed - despoiled the world Of a more noble, precious, dearer life Than he and all his century can boast. KING (with a tone of softness). If I have been too hasty, Carlos - thou For whom I have thus acted, should at least Not call me to account. CARLOS. Is't possible! Did you then never guess how dear to me Was he who here lies dead? Thou lifeless corpse! Instruct him - aid his wisdom, to resolve This dark enigma now. He was my friend. And would you know why he has perished thus? He gave his life for me. KING. Ha? my suspicions! CARLOS. Pardon, thou bleeding corpse, that I profane Thy virtue to such ears. But let him blush With deep-felt shame, the crafty politician, That his gray-headed wisdom was o'erreached, E'en by the judgment of a youth. Yes, sire, We two were brothers! Bound by nobler bands Than nature ties. His whole life's bright career Was love. His noble death was love for me. E'en in the moment when his brief esteem Exalted you, he was my own. And when With fascinating tongue he sported with Your haughty, giant mind, 'twas your conceit To bridle him; but you became yourself The pliant tool of his exalted plans. That I became a prisoner, my arrest, Was his deep friendship's meditated work. That letter to Prince William was designed To save my life. It was the first deceit He ever practised. To insure my safety He rushed on death himself, and nobly perished. You lavished on him all your favor; yet For me he died. Your heart, your confidence, You forced upon him. As a toy he held Your sceptre and your power; he cast them from him, And gave his life for me. [The KING stands motionless, with eyes fixed on the ground; all the GRANDEES regard him with surprise and alarm. How could it be That you gave credit to this strange deceit? Meanly indeed he valued you, to try By such coarse artifice to win his ends. You dared to court his friendship, but gave way Before a test so simple. Oh, no! never For souls like yours was such a being formed. That well he knew himself, when he rejected Your crowns, your gifts, your greatness, and yourself. This fine-toned lyre broke in your iron hand, And you could do no more than murder him. ALVA (never having taken his eyes from the KING, and observing his emotion with uneasiness, approaches him with apprehension). Keep not this deathlike silence, sire. Look round, And speak at least to us. CARLOS. Once you were not Indifferent to him. And deeply once You occupied his thoughts. It might have been His lot to make you happy. His full heart Might have enriched you; with its mere abundance An atom of his soul had been enough To make a god of you. You've robbed yourself - Plundered yourself and me. What could you give, To raise again a spirit like to this? [Deep silence. Many of the GRANDEES turn away, or conceal their faces in their mantles. Oh, ye who stand around with terror dumb, And mute surprise, do not condemn the youth Who holds this language to the king, his father. Look on this corpse. Behold! for me he died. If ye have tears - if in your veins flow blood, Not molten brass, look here, and blame me not. [He turns to the KING with more self-possession and calmness. Doubtless you wait the end of this rude scene? Here is my sword, for you are still my king. Think not I fear your vengeance. Murder me, As you have murdered this most noble man. My life is forfeit; that I know full well. But what is life to me? I here renounce All that this world can offer to my hopes. Seek among strangers for a son. Here lies My kingdom. [He sinks down on the corpse, and takes no part in what follows. A confused tumult and the noise of a crowd is heard in the distance. All is deep silence round the KING. His eyes scan the circle over, but no one returns his looks. KING. What! Will no one make reply? Each eye upon the ground, each look abashed! My sentence is pronounced. I read it here Proclaimed in all this lifeless, mute demeanor. My vassals have condemned me. [Silence as before. The tumult grows louder. A murmur is heard among the GRANDEES. They exchange embarrassed looks. COUNT LERMA at length gently touches ALVA. LERMA. Here's rebellion! ALVA (in a low voice). I fear it. LERMA. It approaches! They are coming! SCENE V. An officer of the Body Guard. The former. OFFICER (urgently). Rebellion! Where's the king? [He makes his way through the crowd up to the KING. Madrid's in arms! To thousands swelled, the soldiery and people Surround the palace; and reports are spread That Carlos is a prisoner - that his life Is threatened. And the mob demand to see Him living, or Madrid will be in flames. THE GRANDEES (with excitement). Defend the king! ALVA (to the KING, who remains quiet and unmoved). Fly, sire! your life's in danger. As yet we know not who has armed the people. KING (rousing from his stupor, and advancing with dignity among then). Stands my throne firm, and am I sovereign yet Over this empire? No! I'm king no more. These cowards weep - moved by a puny boy. They only wait the signal to desert me. I am betrayed by rebels! ALVA. Dreadful thought! KING. There! fling yourselves before him - down before The young, the expectant king; I'm nothing now But a forsaken, old, defenceless man! ALVA. Spaniards! is't come to this? [All crowd round the KING, and fall on their knees before him with drawn swords. CARLOS remains alone with the corpse, deserted by all. KING (tearing off his mantle and throwing it from him). There! clothe him now With this my royal mantle; and on high Bear him in triumph o'er my trampled corpse! [He falls senseless in ALVA's and LERMA's arms. LERMA. For heaven's sake, help! FERIA. Oh, sad, disastrous chance! LERMA. He faints! ALVA (leaves the KING in LERMA's and FERIA's hands). Attend his majesty! whilst I Make it my aim to tranquillize Madrid. [Exit ALVA. The KING is borne off, attended by all the grandees. SCENE VI. CARLOS remains behind with the corpse. After a few moments Louis MERCADO appears, looks cautiously round him, and stands a long time silent behind the PRINCE, who does not observe him. MERCADO. I come, prince, from her majesty the queen. [CARLOS turns away and makes no reply. My name, Mercado, I'm the queen's physician See my credentials. [Shows the PRINCE a signet ring. CARLOS remains still silent. And the queen desires To speak with you to-day - on weighty business. CARLOS. Nothing is weighty in this world to me. MERCADO. A charge the Marquis Posa left with her. CARLOS (looking up quickly). Indeed! I come this instant. MERCADO. No, not yet, Most gracious prince! you must delay till night. Each avenue is watched, the guards are doubled You ne'er could reach the palace unperceived; You would endanger everything. CARLOS. And yet - - MERCADO. I know one means alone that can avail us. 'Tis the queen's thought, and she suggests it to you; But it is bold, adventurous, and strange! CARLOS. What is it? MERCADO. A report has long prevailed That in the secret vaults, beneath the palace, At midnight, shrouded in a monk's attire, The emperor's departed spirit walks. The people still give credit to the tale, And the guards watch the post with inward terror. Now, if you but determine to assume This dress, you may pass freely through the guards, Until you reach the chamber of the queen, Which this small key will open. Your attire Will save you from attack. But on the spot, Prince! your decision must be made at once. The requisite apparel and the mask Are ready in your chamber. I must haste And take the queen your answer. CARLOS. And the hour? MERCADO. It is midnight. CARLOS. Then inform her I will come. [Exit MERCADO. SCENE VII. CARLOS and COUNT LERMA. LERMA. Save yourself, prince! The king's enraged against you. Your liberty, if not your life's in danger! Ask me no further - I have stolen away To give you warning - fly this very instant! CARLOS. Heaven will protect me! LERMA. As the queen observed To me, this moment, you must leave Madrid This very day, and fly to Brussels, prince. Postpone it not, I pray you. The commotion Favors your flight. The queen, with this design, Has raised it. No one will presume so far As to lay hand on you. Swift steeds await you At the Carthusian convent, and behold, Here are your weapons, should you be attacked. [LERMA gives him a dagger and pistols. CARLOS. Thanks, thanks, Count Lerma! LERMA. This day's sad event Has moved my inmost soul! No faithful friend Will ever love like him. No patriot breathes But weeps for you. More now I dare not say. CARLOS. Count Lerma! he who's gone considered you A man of honor. LERMA. Farewell, prince, again! Success attend you! Happier times will come - But I shall be no more. Receive my homage! [Falls on one knee. CARLOS (endeavors to prevent him, with much emotion). Not so - not so, count! I am too much moved - I would not be unmanned! LERMA (kissing his hand with feeling). My children's king! To die for you will be their privilege! It is not mine, alas! But in those children Remember me! Return in peace to Spain. May you on Philip's throne feel as a man, For you have learned to suffer! Undertake No bloody deed against your father, prince! Philip compelled his father to yield up The throne to him; and this same Philip now Trembles at his own son. Think, prince, of that And may Heaven prosper and direct your path! [Exit quickly. CARLOS about to hasten away by another side, but turns rapidly round, and throws himself down before the copse, which he again folds in his arms. He then hurries from the room. SCENE VIII. The KING's Antechamber. DUKE ALVA and DUKE FERIA enter in conversation. ALVA. The town is quieted. How is the king? FERIA. In the most fearful state. Within his chamber He is shut up, and whatso'er may happen He will admit no person to his presence. The treason of the marquis has at once Changed his whole nature. We no longer know him. ALVA. I must go to him, nor respect his feelings. A great discovery which I have made - - FERIA. A new discovery! ALVA. A Carthusian monk My guards observed, with stealthy footsteps, creep Into the prince's chamber, and inquire With anxious curiosity, about The Marquis Posa's death. They seized him straight, And questioned him. Urged by the fear of death, He made confession that he bore about him Papers of high importance, which the marquis Enjoined him to deliver to the prince, If, before sunset, he should not return. FERIA. Well, and what further? ALVA. These same letters state That Carlos from Madrid must fly before The morning dawn. FERIA. Indeed! ALVA. And that a ship at Cadiz lies Ready for sea, to carry him to Flushing. And that the Netherlands but wait his presence, To shake the Spanish fetters from their arms. FERIA. Can this be true? ALVA. And other letters say A fleet of Soliman's will sail for Rhodes, According to the treaty, to attack The Spanish squadron in the Midland seas. FERIA. Impossible. ALVA. And hence I understand The object of the journeys, which of late The marquis made through Europe. 'Twas no less Than to rouse all the northern powers to arms In aid of Flanders' freedom. FERIA. Was it so? ALVA. There is besides appended to these letters The full concerted plan of all the war Which is to disunite from Spain's control The Netherlands forever. Naught omitted; The power and opposition close compared; All the resources accurately noted, Together with the maxims to be followed, And all the treaties which they should conclude. The plan is fiendish, but 'tis no less splendid. FERIA. The deep, designing traitor! ALVA. And, moreover, There is allusion made, in these same letters, To some mysterious conference the prince Must with his mother hold upon the eve Preceding his departure. FERIA. That must be This very day. ALVA. At midnight. But for this I have already taken proper steps. You see the case is pressing. Not a moment Is to be lost. Open the monarch's chamber. FERIA. Impossible! All entrance is forbidden. ALVA. I'll open then myself; the increasing danger Must justify my boldness. [As he is on the point of approaching the door it opens, and the KING comes out. FERIA. 'Tis himself. SCENE IX. The KING. The preceding. All are alarmed at his appearance, fall back, and let him pass through them. He appears to be in a waking dream, like a sleep-walker. His dress and figure indicate the disorder caused by his late fainting. With slow steps he walks past the GRANDEES and looks at each with a fixed eye, but without recognizing any of them. At last he stands still, wrapped in thought, his eyes fixed on the ground, till the emotions of his mind gradually express themselves in words. KING. Restore me back the dead! Yes, I must have him. DOMINGO (whispering to ALVA). Speak to him, duke. KING. He died despising me! Have him again I must, and make him think More nobly of me. ALVA (approaching with fear). Sire! KING (looking round the circle). Who speaks to me! Have you forgotten who I am? Why not Upon your knees, before your king, ye creatures! Am I not still your king? I must command Submission from you. Do you all then slight me Because one man despised me? ALVA. Gracious king! No more of him: a new and mightier foe Arises in the bosom of your realm. FERIA. Prince Carlos - - KING. Had a friend who died for him; For him! With me he might have shared an empire. How he looked down upon me! From the throne Kings look not down so proudly. It was plain How vain his conquest made him. His keen sorrow Confessed how great his loss. Man weeps not so For aught that's perishable. Oh, that he might But live again! I'd give my Indies for it! Omnipotence! thou bring'st no comfort to me: Thou canst not stretch thine arm into the grave To rectify one little act, committed With hasty rashness, 'gainst the life of man. The dead return no more. Who dare affirm That I am happy? In the tomb he dwells, Who scorned to flatter me. What care I now For all who live? One spirit, one free being, And one alone, arose in all this age! He died despising me! ALVA. Our lives are useless! Spaniards, let's die at once! E'en in the grave This man still robs us of our monarch's heart. KING (sits down, and leans his head on his arm). Oh! had he died for me! I loved him, too, And much. Dear to me was he as a son. In his young mind there brightly rose for me A new and beauteous morning. Who can say What I had destined for him? He to me Was a first love. All Europe may condemn me, Europe may overwhelm me with its curse, But I deserved his thanks. DOMINGO. What spell is this? KING. And, say, for whom did he desert me thus? A boy, - my son? Oh, no, believe it not! A Posa would not perish for a boy; The scanty flame of friendship could not fill A Posa's heart. It beat for human kind. His passion was the world, and the whole course Of future generations yet unborn. To do them service he secured a throne - And lost it. Such high treason 'gainst mankind Could Posa e'er forgive himself? Oh, no; I know his feelings better. Not that he Carlos preferred to Philip, but the youth - The tender pupil, - to the aged monarch. The father's evening sunbeam could not ripen His novel projects. He reserved for this The young son's orient rays. Oh, 'tis undoubted, They wait for my decease. ALVA. And of your thoughts, Read in these letters strongest confirmation. KING. 'Tis possible he may miscalculate. I'm still myself. Thanks, Nature, for thy gifts; I feel within my frame the strength of youth; I'll turn their schemes to mockery. His virtue Shall be an empty dream - his death, a fool's. His fall shall crush his friend and age together. We'll test it now - how they can do without me. The world is still for one short evening mine, And this same evening will I so employ, That no reformer yet to cone shall reap Another harvest, in the waste I'll leave, For ten long generations after me. He would have offered me a sacrifice To his new deity - humanity! So on humanity I'll take revenge. And with his puppet I'll at once commence. [To the DUKE ALVA. What you have now to tell me of the prince, Repeat. What tidings do these letters bring? ALVA. These letters, sire, contain the last bequest Of Posa to Prince Carlos. KING (reads the papers, watched by all present. He then lays them aside and walks in silence up and down the room). Summon straight The cardinal inquisitor; and beg He will bestow an hour upon the king, This very night! TAXIS. Just on the stroke of two The horses must be ready and prepared, At the Carthusian monastery. ALVA. Spies Despatched by me, moreover, have observed Equipments at the convent for a journey, On which the prince's arms were recognized. FERIA. And it is rumored that large sums are raised In the queen's name, among the Moorish agents, Destined for Brussels. KING. Where is Carlos? ALVA. With Posa's body. KING. And there are lights as yet Within the queen's apartments? ALVA. Everything Is silent there. She has dismissed her maids Far earlier than as yet has been her custom. The Duchess of Arcos, who was last with her, Left her in soundest sleep. [An officer of the Body Guard enters, takes the DUKE OF FERIA aside, and whispers to him. The latter, struck with surprise, turns to DUKE ALVA. The others crowd round him, and a murmuring noise arises. FERIA, TAXIS, and DOMINGO (at the same time) 'Tis wonderful! KING. What is the matter! FERIA. News scarce credible! DOMINGO. Two soldiers, who have just returned from duty, Report - but - oh, the tale's ridiculous! KING. What do they say? ALVA. They say, in the left wing Of the queen's palace, that the emperor's ghost Appeared before them, and with solemn gait Passed on. This rumor is confirmed by all The sentinels, who through the whole pavilion Their watches keep. And they, moreover, add, The phantom in the queen's apartment vanished. KING. And in what shape appeared it? OFFICER. In the robes, The same attire he in Saint Justi wore For the last time, apparelled as a monk. KING. A monk! And did the sentries know his person Whilst he was yet alive? They could not else Determine that it was the emperor. OFFICER. The sceptre which he bore was evidence It was the emperor. DOMINGO. And the story goes He often has been seen in this same dress. KING. Did no one speak to him? OFFICER. No person dared. The sentries prayed, and let him pass in silence. KING. The phantom vanished in the queen's apartments! OFFICER. In the queen's antechamber. [General silence. KING (turns quickly round). What say you? ALVA. Sire! we are silent. KING (after some thought, to the OFFICER). Let my guards be ready And under arms, and order all approach To that wing of the palace to be stopped. I fain would have a word with this same ghost. [Exit OFFICER. Enter a PAGE. PAGE. The cardinal inquisitor. KING (to all present). Retire! [The CARDINAL INQUISITOR, an old man of ninety, and blind, enters, supported on a staff, and led by two Dominicans. The GRANDEES fall on their knees as he passes, and touch the hem of his garment. He gives them his blessing, and they depart. SCENE X. The KING and the GRAND INQUISITOR. A long silence. GRAND INQUISITOR. Say, do I stand before the king? KING. You do. GRAND INQUISITOR. I never thought it would be so again! KING. I now renew the scenes of early youth, When Philip sought his sage instructor's counsel. GRAND INQUISITOR. Your glorious sire, my pupil, Charles the Fifth, Nor sought or needed counsel at my hands. KING. So much happier he! I, cardinal, Am guilty of a murder, and no rest - - GRAND INQUISITOR. What was the reason for this murder? KING. 'Twas A fraud unparalleled - - GRAND INQUISITOR. I know it all. KING. What do you know? Through whom, and since what time? GRAND INQUISITOR. For years - what you have only learned since sunset. KING (with astonishment). You know this man then! GRAND INQUISITOR. All his life is noted From its commencement to its sudden close, In Santa Casa's holy registers. KING. Yet he enjoyed his liberty! GRAND INQUISITOR. The chain With which he struggled, but which held him bound, Though long, was firm, nor easy to be severed. KING. He has already been beyond the kingdom. GRAND INQUISITOR. Where'er he travelled I was at his side. KING (walks backwards and forwards in displeasure). You knew the hands, then, I had fallen into; And yet delayed to warn me! GRAND INQUISITOR. This rebuke I pay you back. Why did you not consult us Before you sought the arms of such a man? You knew him: one sole glance unmasked him to you. Why did you rob the office of its victim? Are we thus trifled with! When majesty Can stoop to such concealment, and in secret, Behind our backs, league with our enemies, What must our fate be then? If one be spared What plea can justify the fate of thousands? KING. But he, no less, has fallen a sacrifice. GRAND INQUISITOR. No; he is murdered - basely, foully murdered. The blood that should so gloriously have flowed To honor us has stained the assassin's hand. What claim had you to touch our sacred rights? He but existed, by our hands to perish. God gave him to this age's exigence, To perish, as a terrible example, And turn high-vaunting reason into shame. Such was my long-laid plan - behold, destroyed In one brief hour, the toil of many years. We are defrauded, and your only gain Is bloody hands. KING. Passion impelled me to it. Forgive me. GRAND INQUISITOR. Passion! And does royal Philip Thus answer me? Have I alone grown old? [Shaking his head angrily. Passion! Make conscience free within your realms, If you're a slave yourself. KING. In things like this I'm but a novice. Bear in patience with me. GRAND INQUISITOR. No, I'm ill pleased with you - to see you thus Tarnish the bygone glories of your reign. Where is that Philip, whose unchanging soul, Fixed as the polar star in heaven above, Round its own axis still pursued its course? Is all the memory of preceding years Forever gone? And did the world become New moulded when you stretched your hand to him? Was poison no more poison? Did distinction 'Twixt good and evil, truth and falsehood, vanish? What then is resolution? What is firmness? What is the faith of man, if in one weak, Unguarded hour, the rules of threescore years Dissolve in air, like woman's fickle favor? KING. I looked into his eyes. Oh, pardon me This weak relapse into mortality. The world has one less access to your heart; Your eyes are sunk in night. GRAND INQUISITOR. What did this man Want with you? What new thing could he adduce, You did not know before? And are you versed So ill with fanatics and innovators? Does the reformer's vaunting language sound So novel to your ears? If the firm edifice Of your conviction totters to mere words, Should you not shudder to subscribe the fate Of many thousand poor, deluded souls Who mount the flaming pile for nothing worse? KING. I sought a human being. These Domingos - - GRAND INQUISITOR. How! human beings! What are they to you? Cyphers to count withal - no more! Alas! And must I now repeat the elements Of kingly knowledge to my gray-haired pupil? An earthly god must learn to bear the want Of what may be denied him. When you whine For sympathy is not the world your equal? What rights should you possess above your equals? KING (throwing himself into a chair). I'm a mere suffering mortal, that I feel; And you demand from me, a wretched creature, What the Creator only can perform. GRAND INQUISITOR. No, sire; I am not thus to be deceived. I see you through. You would escape from us. The church's heavy chains pressed hard upon you; You would be free, and claim your independence. [He pauses. The KING is silent. We are avenged. Be thankful to the church, That checks you with the kindness of a mother. The erring choice you were allowed to make Has proved your punishment. You stand reproved! Now you may turn to us again. And know If I, this day, had not been summoned here, By Heaven above! before to-morrow's sun, You would yourself have stood at my tribunal! KING. Forbear this language, priest. Restrain thyself. I'll not endure it from thee. In such tones No tongue shall speak to me. GRAND INQUISITOR. Then why, O king Call up the ghost of Samuel? I've anointed Two monarchs to the throne of Spain. I hoped To leave behind a firm-established work. I see the fruit of all my life is lost. Don Philip's hands have shattered what I built. But tell me, sire, wherefore have I been summoned? What do I hear? I am not minded, king, To seek such interviews again. KING. But one One service more - the last - and then in peace Depart. Let all the past be now forgotten - Let peace be made between us. We are friends. GRAND INQUISITOR. When Philip bends with due humility. KING (after a pause). My son is meditating treason. GRAND INQUISITOR, Well! And what do you resolve? KING. On all, or nothing. GRAND INQUISITOR. What mean you by this all? KING. He must escape, Or die. GRAND INQUISITOR. Well, sire! decide. KING. And can you not Establish some new creed to justify The bloody murder of one's only son? GRAND INQUISITOR. To appease eternal justice God's own Son Expired upon the cross. KING. And can you spread This creed throughout all Europe? GRAND INQUISITOR. Ay, as far As the true cross is worshipped. KING. But I sin - Sin against nature. Canst thou, by thy power, Silence her mighty voice. GRAND INQUISITOR. The voice of nature Avails not over faith. KING. My right to judge I place within your hands. Can I retrace The step once taken? GRAND INQUISITOR. Give him to me! KING. My only son! For whom then have I labored? GRAND INQUISITOR. For the grave rather than for liberty! KING (rising up). We are agreed. Come with me. GRAND INQUISITOR. Monarch! Whither KING. From his own father's hands to take the victim. [Leads him away. SCENE XI. Queen's Apartment. CARLOS. The QUEEN. Afterwards the KING and attendants. CARLOS in monk's attire, a mask over his face, which he is just taking off; under his arm a naked sword. It is quite dark. He approaches a door, which is in the act of opening. The QUEEN comes out in her night-dress with a lighted candle. CARLOS falls on one knee before her. CARLOS. Elizabeth! QUEEN (regarding him with silent sorrow). Do we thus meet again? CARLOS. 'Tis thus we meet again! [A silence. QUEEN (endeavoring to collect herself). Carlos, arise! We must not now unnerve each other thus. The mighty dead will not be honored now By fruitless tears. Tears are for petty sorrows! He gave himself for thee! With his dear life He purchased thine. And shall this precious blood Flow for a mere delusion of the brain? Oh, Carlos, I have pledged myself for thee. On that assurance did he flee from hence More satisfied. Oh, do not falsify My word. CARLOS (with animation) To him I'll raise a monument Nobler than ever honored proudest monarch, And o'er his dust a paradise shall bloom! QUEEN. Thus did I hope to find thee! This was still The mighty purpose of his death. On me Devolves the last fulfilment of his plans, And I will now fulfil my solemn oath. Yet one more legacy your dying friend Bequeathed to me. I pledged my word to him, And wherefore should I now conceal it from you? To me did he resign his Carlos - I Defy suspicion, and no longer tremble Before mankind, but will for once assume The courage of a friend; My heart shall speak. He called our passion - virtue! I believe him, And will my heart no longer - - CARLOS. Hold, O queen! Long was I sunk in a delusive dream. I loved, but now I am at last awake Forgotten be the past. Here are your letters, - Destroy my own. Fear nothing from my passion, It is extinct. A brighter flame now burns, And purifies my being. All my love Lies buried in the grave. No mortal wish Finds place within this bosom. [After a pause, taking her hand. I have come To bid farewell to you, and I have learned There is a higher, greater good, my mother, Than to call thee mine own. One rapid night Has winged the tardy progress of my years, And prematurely ripened me to manhood. I have no further business in the world, But to remember him. My harvest now Is ended. [He approaches the QUEEN, who conceals her face. Mother! will you not reply! QUEEN. Carlos! regard not these my tears. I cannot Restrain then. But believe me I admire you. CARLOS. Thou wert the only partner of our league And by this name thou shalt remain to me The most beloved object in this world. No other woman can my friendship share, More than she yesterday could win my love. But sacred shall the royal widow be, Should Providence conduct me to the throne. [The KING, accompanied by the GRAND INQUISITOR, appears in the background without being observed. I hasten to leave Spain, and never more Shall I behold my father in this world. No more I love him. Nature is extinct Within this breast. Be you again his wife - His son's forever lost to him! Return Back to your course of duty - I must speed To liberate a people long oppressed From a fell tyrant's hand. Madrid shall bail Carlos as king, or ne'er behold him more. And now a long and last farewell - - [He kisses her. QUEEN. Oh, Carlos! How you exalt me! but I dare not soar To such a height of greatness: - yet I may Contemplate now your noble mind with wonder. CARLOS. Am I not firm, Elizabeth? I hold thee Thus in my arms and tremble not. The fear Of instant death had, yesterday, not torn me From this dear spot. [He leaves her. All that is over now, And I defy my mortal destinies. I've held thee in these arms and wavered not. Hark! Heard you nothing! [A clock strikes. QUEEN. Nothing but the bell That tolls the moment of our separation. CARLOS. Good night, then, mother! And you shall, from Ghent, Receive a letter, which will first proclaim Our secret enterprise aloud. I go To dare King Philip to an open contest. Henceforth there shall be naught concealed between us! You need not shun the aspect of the world. Be this my last deceit. [About to take up the mask - the KING stands between them. KING. It is thy last. [The QUEEN falls senseless. CARLOS (hastens to her and supports her in his arms). Is the queen dead? Great heavens! KING (coolly and quietly to the GRAND INQUISITOR). Lord Cardinal! I've done my part. Go now, and do your own. [Exit. Publication Date: May 21st 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.schiller

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Tori Whitlock Alegria What it takes to be a big sister... To Everyone Who Has to Go Through Things They Shouldn't. Chapter 1: Mami que es este? “Alegria do you want to come to my house tonight?” my friend Alice asked. “Sorry, Allie but…” I was apologizing before I was cut off. “I know, I know I just wish one day you would stop going to take care of your sister everyday when it is you mom’s job to do that!” she whisper yelled at me frustrated. People aren't really allowed to know what goes on at my house. That's why I only have two friends. “You know I can’t and neither can Mama. So please Allie-Bear forgive me” I said using my special puppy eyes she loved do much. It always softens her up even when she wants to kill me. Real best friends right there.  “Okay, okay but one day you have to come to my house. You haven’t been there in for-ev-er!”She said stretching forever into three syllables. “Soon ! See you tomorrow Chica!” I yelled running to Holmes. That’s where Alanza goes to school. She is in Mrs. Hagg’s kindergarten class. Her name discribles her prefectly, a little old hagg. Mrs. Hagg is a awful woman with white, thin, fluffy hair on top of her wrinkled head that never seems to have a smile. Me and Alice had her when we where in kindergarden. One of the worst years of our lives.   *** “But Mrs. Hagg Alegria, mi hermana is going to be here any moment” (hermana) my sister begged. “What did I tell you about that stupid half and half talking? Either you speak in English or Spanish! Pick one! Now come inside so we can call your mother!” Mrs. Hagg yelled, roughly taking Allanza’s hand. “If I may, please let go of my sister señora” I said trying to be nice, I'm very short tempered. Nobody touches mi hermana, while I have anything to say about it. “And who would you might be?” she asked, obviously annoyed.   “I am Alanza’s older sister Alergia” I said with a fake. “Oh well you are late picking up your sister” she had the same exact fake smile I had on. How dare she. ”The school rules say that if a parent or guardian is late then we have to call the child’s parent or guardian ”  “I am fairly sure that the rules say something about yelling and being unfair to your students señora” I said trying not to yell at this woman, she didn’t even bother to recognize me from parent teacher night. It was only Alanza and I that night. “What are you talking about?” she sneered, confused. “Señora, you can’t tell me you were not yelling at mi hermana pobre, I heard you calling her stupid when i walked up” I said with a bit of anger in my tone but I was trying desperately to hide it. (poor sister) “Oh well she wasn’t listening to me,” was her oh-so-brilliant answer. “Really? What exactly was she not doing? The asking permeation to stay outside 10 seconds longer to wait until I got here?” I asked sarcastically. “Well the rules say that…” she began but I cut her off. “The No Place For Hate rules say thet calling names is untolerated and for what you said about the ‘half and half language’ that would be considered racism also against No Place For Hate rule. No?”  No Place for Hate is one of those stupid school things against bullying and racism and other stuff that can’t be fixed. That's just how the world is. She was litterally out of words to yell at us. “I would bet all I have that the school board would be more concerned about a racist teacher than one student being picked up late, I mean you didn’t yell at him ” I said eyeing a little white boy with blond hair and blue eyes looking scared and amazed at the same time. “Well… um…” she was once again speechless. “Señora I suggest that you never grab mi hermana again unless you want trouble with the school board” It was a bluff but she baught it. I turned to my sister, “are you ok chicita?” “Am now, can we please go home now?” she whined. "We could if you stopped whining," with that we left. But not without a waring to the hagg. "I wouldn't sugject metioning this to mi mama, Señora. She won't take this as well as I" Another bluff but she didn't know that. *** The house stunk but I couldn’t tell what it was. “Mama, does not know what happened at school, okay?” I said to keep the peace. Mi Madre wouldn’t like it if we got in trouble on the first day. “Hola mamá estamos en casa” I yelled though the house but no answer came (hi mom we’re home!). I told Alanza to go to our room while i looked aroung. It wasn't uncommon for one of our mother's guests to be caught lingering. I walked to our mama’s room, the door was closed. There was no sock on the door so I decided to just walk in. And there our Mama was and she wasn’t alone. The was passed out with a sad looking man laying on the bed. We both looked her, passes out and smelling of alcahol and weed. Well we do not need his simpathy. “Who are you?” I asked suspicious. “I am Jose. Jose Martinez. And you are?” he asked very formal. That’s strange for one mom’s 'friends' or one nighters what ever you prefer. “I’m Alegria” I said walking over to Mami. I will put her to bed and put this man out of our house. I picled up her mess, then her. She culd have at least made it to the bed. As I did this the man, Jose watched me. When I was finished I reluctantly turned to him. “Mr. Muetearez I’ll show you the door” I said turning around to go to the door. “Jose” “Mande?” “Call me Jose” “Fine. Let’s show you to the door,  Jose " “Alright lets go” and he walked in front of me but he didn’t smell like the nasty smell in this room, I didn’t ask him about it. “Good bye” was all he said before I shut the door in his face. Perhaps a bit impolite but i wouldn't see him again, it doesn't matter. I turned around to see Alanza sitting next to the couch watching. “Alanza that is the worst hiding stop ever ” I groaned hoping she learns better soon, I mean really what if we get robbed or something? They probably wouldn't want our stuff but who knows; gangs are weird. “No its not” she said sticking her tongue out at me. “Hey that’s my move!” I said . She stuck her tongue out again! Oh nu uh. I walked toward her slowly. With my hand in the shape of scissors, like when you play rock, paper scissors, and hummed the Halloween theme song. “I think I’m going to chop off that tongue scene it doesn’t seem to want to stay in that mouth” I said evilly. Alanza gave a shrill scream and ran to our room. I followed her and opened the door. She was in the curtains, that might have been an okay hiding spot if the curtains where the long ones and not ones that only reach her knees. I went around the bed cluelessly when I came around to the window I pounces and with a small squeal and a fit of giggles we came tumbling down to the bed. “Alegria!” she shrieked with a fit of giggles. Alanza was trying to pry my hands off her ribs, trying to make me stop tickling her. It didn't work. So her next tactic was to tickle me back. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t this super ticklish! Because immediately when she tried to tickle me I let go and laughed. Then our neighbor Ms. Gonzales screamed: “Are you girls alright?” Ms. Gonzales is a 69 year old widower with shoulder length grey hair with some brown still in it. “We’re fine, Ms. Gonzales!” we yelled still laughing back at her. “Okay but keep it down! It sounded like you were being kidnapped or something!” she yelled sternly yet caring. Like only a mother could. Ms. Gonzales always acted like the grandmother we never had. Sometime she told us to call her grandma, sometimes we did, and sometimes we didn’t. Eh, she answers to either one. She’s super nice but stern. She always spoke her mind and sometimes she would let us come over when our mom wasn’t there, we just couldn’t tell mom because one time mom came home and we were at grandma’s house and mami called the cops because she couldn’t find us. But occasionally we still do come by-my train of thought was cut off by little hands tickling my ribs. Oh no! It didn't really tickle but thinking she tickled me was halerious, though i was extremely ticklish. “Truce!” I said that way we both win. We were both a little giggly but we needed to talk. "Listen, Alanza, you know how it is. When i say something, you need to listen. Please, little one, this is both out safties." Yes, we had some fun but this Jose could have been a dangerous man. He could have been Felix. Felix was the local gang leader in this town. "I know, okay. Its just, i want to see. I know I shoudn't. I'm sorry" “Okay, just don't do it again. We have to take showers and all that good stuff kay?” “Aw man Fine” she said reluctantly. “Ok I’ll get to making dinner and you go and get yourself in the shower” I said with a smile. She ran to the bathroom with a towel in her hand. Where the towel came from I don’t really know. Oh well. I heard the water go on and I heard her step in. So I decided to get started on dinner. Hmmm what do we have to make? Well I’m tired so I’m gonna make something simple. I was focused on the food when i decided to check on Alanza. I went to check if Alanza was out of the shower and she was. She was sitting down watching cartoons. I'd bet the noodles are ready. I finished making dinner. “Alanza, si quieres comer?” I asked. (Alanza, want dinner?) “Si! Si! Si! Si!” Alanza was yelling and hopping over like a little bunny.  “Hola señora conejito” I said in a cute little baby voice. “Wha-… OH! Ha ha ha! I am a bunny! Yay!” she said hopping again. “Hey Mrs. Peter Cotton Tail’s hop in your chair and sit down” I teased. “Ew! I don’t wanna be anybody’s girlfriend!” Alanza squeaked hoping into her chair. “Why not Peter Cotton Tail? He is the easter bunny and he had so much candy” I don't know why w was trying to get her to like Peter Cotton Tail, but it was all in good fun.  “But remember on Hop! He poops Jelly Beans!” “Alanza that’s a good thing! You love Jelly Beans!” I laughed and it’s true she loves Jelly Beans. “No I only like Starburst jelly beans” “I thought you liked regular and I was the only one who liked the Starburst ones. Wait, is that why some of mine were missing?” After dinner it was getting late so i told alanza to sleep. While she was asleep I cleaned and read. Oh, I love to read. I get to be someone else and not be here with what's going on, what I'm surrounded by or all this stress. Right now i was reading "I am Furniture" By Thalia Chaltas. Its mostly a poetry book. Its about this girl with an abusive dad but not to her because her whole family ignores her and she never gets any attention. This girl is lucky, at least getting ignored you don't get hurt.   ***   "My Moma Told Me. When I Was Young. Sit Beside Me. My Only Son. And Listen Closely. To What I Say. And Is Ya Do This, It'll Help You Some Sunny Day." My alarm woke me up with Simple Man By Shinedown. I decided to wake Alanza with a song. "Oh, Take Your Time, Dont Live Too Fast. Troubles Will Come And They Will Pass. You'll Find A Woman And You'll Find Love. And Don't Forget Son, There Is Someone Up Above." I meant the lyrics, more than she'd ever know. Dispite what we're living in, i want Alanza's life to be good. I want her happy and safe. "And Be A Simple Kind Of Man, Oh Be Something You Love And Understand." We sang together. Before I pressed dissmiss. "Ok all i can smell is your breath and gosh it needs washing. Alanza. Bathroom. Now." "It doesn't stink!" She smells her breath. "I just smell like last night's tuna!" " Alanza ! That's discusting. Teeth, now." She walks to the bathroom and I walk to the kitchen to make her breakfast muttering how gross that is. "I'm done!" She walks into the kitchen sitting down to the find her way through the maze on the back of the cereal box. I started to head to the bathroom. I walked in to the bathroom and did what needed to be done. I threw on a quick pair of ripped leans and a t shirt. She ran to her bike. I guess we're taking the bikes today. We don't live in the best of neiborhoods, so this was taking a chance riding. It'd be too easy to steal from two 'little girls'. We went in the direction on Holmes Elementery. Though my school was closer, it was better for my to take Alanza myself. Upon arriving, we saw Ms. Hagg at the door. Alanza looked at me worried. "You'll be fine. I love you, be good"   Publication Date: October 14th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-tori12598

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-katie-radgowski-the-isolated-diaries-the-holocaust-of-1941/

Katie Radgowski The Isolated Diaries: The Holocaust of 1941 The Holocaust is starting. Could it be Emma's end? To Mrs. Barnhart. Thanks for the education. Chapter 1: A Dinner's Talk Emma sat still, using her silver fork to dig into her carrots. The lamp above the dining table shook slightly, as her family around her ate in silence. Father scratched his chin as he looked outside the window, while Mother gently shoved the tomatos into her mouth. Emma's brother, William, was moving his two carrots around with his hands and smashing them into the gravy, making tiny sounds as if the carrots were cars crashing into a strawberry fruit stand.  "Willam, stop playing with your carrots and eat them, young man!" Mother scolded. "I walk down blocks to get the tastiest carrots I can pay for, and this is how you repay me?"   "Sorry, Mother." William muttered as he dropped the gravy covered carrots from his fingers. "I just like to play with cars."   "Wipe the gravy off with your napkin, and carrots are for eating, not for playing. Your not two, William. Your eight and I expect better from you."   "Besides, son, carrots help you grow a mustache." Father joked as he rubbed his hand on William's hair.   Mother slapped Father's arm with her tiny hand. "Tim! They do not! They make you grow smarter and more active."    Silence followed. Emma hid her uneaten carrots behind the big blobs of mashed potatoes as she said. "I haven't heard from my friend in weeks."   "Is that so, sweetie?" Mother asked. "Why?"   Emma shrugged. "I don't know. She didn't letter me. It's very unusual. I do miss her so much. What happened to her?"   Mother looked at Father, her eyes glinting with worry. Father shifted in his wooden chair, making the pegs creak on the wooden floor. William started eating the mashed potatoes with his hands but nobody noticed, except Emma.   "Dear, there's something that's been going on in Germany right now..." Mother began.   "What?"   "Well, something's happening to the Jewish people, sweetheart. Something bad. It may happen to us, but I hope it will not come. Your friend may have got involved."   "Tell me, Mother." Emma said, rather sharply. "I must hear it. My friend is very important to me, and I need to hear what happened to Bonny."   "Jewish people are being killed." Father admitted. "By the Nazis. Something you don't need to worry about, my dear. Just some sca-"   "You mean Bonny was killed?" Emma gasped as she jumped from her chair, the fork clattering to the floor. "It can't be true! Mother, Father, tell me it isn't true!"   Mother sighed as she got up, dusting the crumbs from her apron as she held Emma's hands. "Listen, sweetheart, I don't know. She could've moved somewhere else, or gotten... killed. Father will try to find out soon enough."   Her finger wiped away a tear that was slowly spilling down Emma's cheek. Mother's face had a warm smile, with bright, glowing green eyes and wavy bangs of ginger hair spilling in front of her eyes. Her hair was back in a bun, as she was wearing green leathered clothes, black shoes, and a white apron with a flower sewed into it. She looked like a real mother, with a homey touch.   Emma hugged her, sniffing. Bonny was a tough, hard girl. She wouldn't die so easily. She would try to escape or fight with the guards.    "Okay, go get changed and into bed." Mother whispered as Emma backed up. "It's almost time for bedtime."   "Aw, Mother." William complained. "Can I stay up tonight?"   "No." Father replied to him. "You need sleep, mister, for school. Your grades matter more then ever right now."   William got up, licking his palms from mashed potatoes as he walked up the stairs, mumbling and grumbling.   Mother laughed. "He'll get over it. You can go and read upstairs, Emma. Just don't tell your brother. I don't want any grumpy trolls!"  Emma agreed as she walked up the stairs. Her Mother sat down besides her Father, whispering to him. What was going on? What was the big problem?      Chapter 2: Butterscotch Candy & Poems Emma sat in her bed, her quilt tucked around her. Her window was halfway open, the noise of the streets below breezing into her room.  She sat, opening up a old, torn book. The pages were a bit rough and wet on the sides, with splotched ink that was puddled across the pages. Emma sighed as she closed the book and read the title, which said "Princess and Prince: Romance".  Emma liked books with adventure, history and swords and battles. Romance was for soft, baby like people. Father said to Emma once that adventure books presents the inner traits within one, and Emma believed him, like always. Mother read's romantic stories, and usually shares them to Emma. But Emma tells her that she's not interested, but interested in the war books, with dramatic chapters and horrific battles. Mother told her sharply once that books like that were for men, and women kept to soft, quiet like stories that modivates them to do chores around the house, like cook dinner and clean your family's clothes. Emma didn't want that.  Emma got up from her bed, brushing some mothballs from her pajamas. She hadn't worn these pajamas since she was only nine, but since she was small and rather skinny, she could fit into any clothes.  Emma walked over to her nightstand and placed the old book on it. The wooden nightstand creaked a bit, and Emma had to shove her knee forward so one cabniet wouldn't slide from it's cozy space. Emma had old furniture, since Father bought them from the markets so they wouldn't spend food money on fancy couches and stuff. Emma usually swore to herself that one day her bed would fall apart right when she's sleeping on it.  Emma jumped, startled, as she heard a knock on the door. She sighed, forcing her heart to calm down from the sudden noise as she called softly. "Come in."  Mother walked in. Mother was wearing a long, white pajama dress that went to her ankles and had blue cotton fabric sewed into it that were shaped like blooming violets. Her hair was back in a ponytail now, and she was wearing white gloves over her hands. Mother was carrying a gray tray that was filled to the brim with small, golden like candy. "Here, dear." Mother murmured as she placed the tray on the nightstand. "Have some butterscotch candy."  Usually, Mother made butterscotch dimpling candy pops every night. They were homemade, and she made them with suger, caramel, ice and another secret recipe. She doesn't tell William or Emma, but Emma was determined to find out.  "Thanks, Mother." Emma said as she grabbed one and popped the candy into her mouth. It was sweet and delicious, her tongue licking at it's creamy surface and her mind bobbing at the taste. "It's great." "Yes, I'm sure it is." Mother replied as she sat down on a chair next to Emma's bed, as Emma sat on the bed's matteress. "Honey, I want you to know that whatever happens, I'm here for you." Mother suddenly said as she reached for Emma's hand. Emma nodded. "I know, Mother." Mother silently got up and walked out. Emma didn't know why she went so quickly, but she didn't mind. She wanted to be alone. Emma got up and raced to the window. The street lamps were coming on, their pale light washing the cobblestone streets yellow. Emma could see horses pulling wagons filled with fruit, vegetables or homeless children or adults. Slowly, the lights flickered off from the other houses across the street. Vendors closed up their stands and walked home, pulling their stand on a wooden wagon. The street settled down with darkness and quietness soon after the sun fell.  Emma grabbed a small notebook from her pocket in her pajamas. She mostly wrote poems, or just advice, in her notebook. She wasn't so good at poems, but poems soothed anyone's worries when you write it down brightly on paper.  Emma looked out of the window. What should she put down? She grabbed her special orange ink pen, that her grandfather got her at a special market stand. It smelled like fresh, juicy oranges when written down and it's ink sparkled in the light.  Emma suddenly had an idea after she stared out the window. She grabbed her pen and wrote;  "Cobblestone is red   Lamps are bright   Vendor men are nice   My street is bright,   E.B"  Emma paused. That sounded nice. When she meant bright, she meant it had lively people and animals, with smooth streets and clean houses. Emma lived in a nice neighborhood.  Emma sketched a rose on the corner. She also drew a man, with a black, oily mustache giving a little girl a large apple and drew a lamp shining over the cobblestone street. She drew a horse carrying a wagon filled with strawberries and children climbing over the fruit, squashing the strawberries with their heavy feet.  Emma yawned after a moment of sketching. She closed her notebook and put it in her pocket, along with her sparkly pen. Emma rose from her bending near the window and closed it, the night noises stopping.  Emma walked over to her bed and climbed in it, covering herself with her colorful, patched quilt that her brother gave her years ago. Blowing the candle off next to her bed, she curled up and closed her eyes, darkness closing over her mind for the night.      Chapter 3: Charlie the Rich Kid Emma was sitting on the couch the next morning, listening to the radio as the newsman reported on plane's zooming above their town in five hours, dropping bombs next to the coastline. William sat on the chair next to the door, shivering in fear as he thought in his little mind that one bomb would drop on their house. Mother explained to him that the thought of it was foolish. Emma agreed, but she had her doubts too.  Mother was in the kitchen, making some raspberry butter pancakes for breakfast. Father already left for work, being an early bird in his old age. With Father's look of brown eyes, blonde hair and a strong posture, he looked young but was quite old. It made Emma feel old for having an old father, but she tried to annoy it.  Mother had grabbed the radio from Emma and put it in the kitchen, listening to a favorite tape of hers as she made the batter. William raced after her, helping her squeeze and peel the oranges for orange juice. William liked to take the seeds and grow them out back. One grew to a large orange tree. It proved great by the plenty supplement of oranges for supper, lunch, breakfast or any little snacks when Emma's family got hungry.  Emma started to read a magazine as she heard a knock on the door. Emma ignored it, but as it grew louder, Mother screamed from the kitchen and above the tunes. "Emma, get the door please!"  Emma groaned as she dropped the magazine and walked over to the door. She brushed her long, black hair back, tried to make her green eyes sparkle, and cleared her throat before opening the door. But Emma saw a sight that made her almost puke.  One tall, skinny boy was in the doorway. The boy had flat, orange hair with blue eyes and freckles on his dappled cheeks. He was wearing a black suit, with polished shoes and black pants. He was smiling a huge, white smile as he had roses wrapped in golden silk in his hands. The one and only 14 year old Charlie Gem.  "Hal-llo, Emma my rose." He purred in a soft, silky voice as he grabbed Emma's hand and kissed it with a bow of his knee. "I come to claim your heart."  "Beat it, squirrel." Emma hissed as she blocked the doorway view, so Mother didn't see Charlie. "I don't like you and I'm busy."  "Who on earth is it, Emma?" Mother's voice came from the kitchen.  Emma was about to say the newsletter guy before Charlie stood on his tiptoes and waved his hand to Mother. "It's me, Charlie Gem, Mrs. Blackclover. I've come to see your precious, pretty daughter and ask you the most important question."  Emma almost flipped over as Mother stopped the radio and her cooking. She jogged away from William, who was shoving seeds up his nose, and to the doorway, shoving Emma into the wall.  "Come in, Mr. Gem." She greeted as Charlie walked into the room. "Make yourself at home."  Mother closed the door as she grabbed Emma's hand and pulled Emma to the couch.  Charlie sat down in the rocking chair, a piece of wheat sticking from his mouth. He put the roses on the counter before sitting, actually, and William grabbed them and started pouring gallons of water onto them.  Mother sat down on the chair as Emma sat on the couch, very far from Charlie. Charlie was the richest kid in the school. He bragged to everyone and was mean to every kid he could see. Except Emma. He was always giving her these diamonds and bringing her loads of chocloates and dresses. He would invite her to parties and special meetings and would always give her loads of stuff on holidays. Charlie tried to impress her, but Emma ignored him every day.  "So, what's your important question, Charlie?" Mother asked eagerly. Every since Emma was eleven, Mother has been trying to get her a boy, who in the future would be her husband. Mother always wanted grandchildren, and tried to make it happen as quick as possible. But Emma doesn't want Charlie as a husband. Never. EVER.  "I, Mrs. Blackclover, want your daughter to be my lady, until we die. She's more beautiful then a blooming rosebud, more smarter then a scientist, more clever then a fox and more lovely then the white snow itself. I want to claim her heart in marriage and love her until we breathe our last breaths. I want to see the sunset with her, calmly go down a crystal river in a boat with her, and have little children together and be parents. I want to stay with her forever. She's so pretty I want to kiss her lips until they turn to smooth ice. Could I claim her heart until she's old enough to be my part?" Charlie Gem announced.  Emma stopped herself from gagging. MARRY HIM? HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER? NO WAY! Emma hated Charlie and liked someone else! Mother wouldn't agree to it when Emma didn't approve it... right?  "Oh, Charlie, you are a charmer." Mother laughed as she sipped some iced tea she got from a glass cup. "I agree. You will be Emma's part until she grows old enough to marry!"  "WHAT! Mother, you can't do this! I DON'T like him! I like someone else! I HATE HIM! I love John from school and I don't want Charlie! Mother, don't do this!" Emma gasped as she jumped up.  "Emma, you won't get a chance like this for ages." Mother replied sternly. "Charlie is a perfect choice. He loves you. That boy probably doesn't."  "He does!" Emma argued. "I bet he does! Charlie just wants me to get all of our richest jewels that grandmother gave us! He's a fraud, Mother, and I won't be his part! Ever!"  Before Mother replied, Emma turned and marched up the stairs. Mother stood, shockless, as Charlie frowned to himself.  Charlie the lover. Emma wouldn't go near him ever again.        Chapter 4: No One Understands Emma sat outside on the steps from the front door. The vendors called out, holding up rich fruit and showing crowds large, healthy horses and cattle. Money was raised for certain animals and Emma watched as some young horses were seperated from their mothers. The sun was sinking behind the buildings, as hooves clambored over the cobblestone streets.  Charlie left an hour ago to go home. He left fifty dollars to Mother to talk Emma into the marriage, but Mother refused and forced him to raise the tax. He gave her two hundred dollars. Mother was joyful but Emma was not. She was upset. She wouldn't marry Charlie. He was.... just... ew. Not her type, if she could explain it.  Father got home too. Mother told him about Emma and with Charlie but Father did not take part. He didn't like to get into girl drama with boys and love. Mother was quite rude about it, saying he wasn't a proper father to his children and a good husband to her if he didn't get involved. But he ignored her, saying that Emma needed to solve it herself.  Emma sighed as she saw one peach roll over to her. One vender seemed to knock over some peaches from his pile and they rolled down the cobblestone paths. Emma wiped the peach from dirt and gravel before she bit into it. It was sweet and juicey and tasted good. Like her victory if she ever got any part of it. Probably not. Emma swallowed as she dug out the seed.  Emma would give William the seed. He would be surprised on how big it was and would be excited. Besides, she could repay him for the dollar he loaned to her a week ago so she could buy John some ice cream from the parlor.  Emma sighed. John. John was a musclear, tall and handsome boy. He had flat, brown hair that went to his eyes and had dark, creamy brown eyes. John seemed to envy her, too, and was Jewish like her. Charlie was not Jewish, which Emma didn't envy him for that either.   Emma heard a hefty grunt as she turned to see Father come down the steps and sit next to her. He smelled like the smoke coming from a candle mixed with grilled chicken and sauce. Emma was realived that it wasn't Mother coming out, for she was trying to ignore Mother. But she still wanted to be alone.  "I'm busy." Emma muttered as she folded up her legs and put her arms on her knees and buried her head into her arm fold.  "No, your not." Father replied. "Your upset. I know what happened with you, your mother, and Charlie Gem but you have to accept it."  "I do not." Emma shot back as she met his gaze. "Father, this is unfair. I hate Charlie Gem. I want to marry someone else when I'm older. Charlie is a fraud. He wants us for those jewels and expensive counter tops. Don't you see the evil in his eyes, Father?"  "No. I never met 'em." Father confessed but then his tone lightened. "I never wanted to marry your mother, to admit it, Emma."  "What? Then why did you marry her, Father?"  Father scratched his mustache before he said. "It was the good for the family and company, sweetie. Then, I got to know her and love her. I then had two lovely children with her."  "I don't like her." Emma scatched as she brushed some hair from her eyes. "She thinks she's so that. Why doesn't she think that I could make my own sensible, adult like choice? I'm not a baby like William, Father, if you haven't noticed."  William then came out. He had syrup all over his face from some waffles he ate some hours ago. He came and jumped down the steps, dancing along the sidewalk as he looked at Emma and Father.  "What are you doin' out here?"  "None of your wax, pinhead." Emma retorted as her eyes narrowed to William. She grabbed the peach seed from her pocket and threw it at him. "Go away!"  "Emma!" Father snarled as William started whining. "Don't ever throw anything at your sibling! Do you understand? He didn't do anything to you." "See? Your just like Mother! William is a little horse butt all over again! He covers my sheets in sugar, pours ants in my socks and puts steak sauce in my bottles of hair gel! He's a rat and I can prove it!" Emma rose from the steps, fists clenched.  "Young lady, you may be forced to do somethings but never to be so rude and irrigant to your little brother! I expected better." Father growled as he stood up.  "Well, your wrong then, Father."  Emma then stuck out her tongue, quite rudely, before marching into the house, slamming the door as she was screaming in her mind.    Chapter 5: The Long Poems Emma marched up to her room and walked in, slamming the door. She locked it securely, anger throbbing into her belly. Father and Mother were tight people! If they were her, and had to put up with William, they would have a cow! Emma was usually a quiet, caring girl but right now, a raging, killer lion ready to pounce and rip into it's prey.  Emma kicked her nightstand. It didn't hurt, but the nightstand shook loudly. She could hear Father's voice talking to Mother's. Emma grabbed some torn old paper as she ripped it, trying to get the rage from her body out and into the cold, still air so it could move and throb around outside her heart, which was burning and was on bright fire. Emma sighed after some moments of tearing. She kicked the paper under her bed before jumping on her back in her blanket, staring at the ceiling. Cold tears came to her eyes. She was never rude to her father, netherless Mother. Something lighted inside her, something that exploded into ashes and came out, redder then blood itself. Emma grabbed her notebook from her pocket and went to the window, sniffing. Maybe a poem will soothe her, and calm down her throbbing mind.  Emma got out her glittery pen. Skipping some written pages, she found a nice, clean one. She started to write;  "No one cares,   No one minds,  No one minds that I'm dying inside  I stay here, whisping out tears,  My mind burning in rage,  Ready to avage  Of all bloody lies  Told and gone,  The lost love,   of a mother and son  turn son to daughter,   comes out clean,   with years to come,   on spares I sing,   Let blood come,   to my bloody knife,   sing a lullaby   to the moon's first,   killer light,   E.B"  Emma stopped writing. Her fingers trembled for more bright, soothing poems. She started writing again, her breaths raspy now.  "Father and Mother,   why don't you care,   for your daughter's    inside mind  you leave me out to melt,   in the sun's,   heating dark hell,   I sit and wait,    for water to come   but you bring me for pain   by calling in your friend's son   who want's to marry me   and take my first approval   but now you will sing  to endless disapproval   I will not bow   to his gooey fingers' I will reject   untill the sun turns,  to cold water.  E.B"  Emma started to laugh softly. This poem... it was great. A modavation to life. She would not kiss nor marry Charlie Gem. She would marry and kiss John Gray till her last breath. Her mind singed with new poems but she couldn't write them. She was too.. troubled.  She dropped the pen into her pocket along with her notebook and breathed in the still, warm air.  Suddenly, she heard a clatter downstairs. Emma heard Mother's scream and Father's raging voice. The sudden air turned to black, wispy smoke as dark voices commanded downstairs, pounding against the floor.  Emma froze.  The Nazis.    Chapter 6: Taken Away.. Emma heard footsteps pound along the hallway's floors. Emma dropped to the floor, crawling as the smoke got heavier. She coughed and gasped for air. Her locked door recieved a knock then a SLAM.  Emma froze as the door kept on getting slams. Finally, it stopped. Emma coughed as she blinked. Was it just a daydream?  Suddenly, the door flew open, hitting her mirror that was attached to the wall. Emma screamed in horror as the mirror pieces fell to the floor, cut and sharp.  Men in dark black suits and with long, black hats came in. They had spears and were wearing smoldering boots with buttons to their suits and coats. They grabbed Emma from the ground with their rough gloves and pulled her through the smoke.  Emma blinked her watery eyes to see. William was being dragged like Emma, crying as he screamed and pulled to be free. Emma cried his name, trying to get to her little brother. But she couldn't. One guard grabbed her neck and threw her forward. Emma gasped at the pain in her back.  The guards carried William and her downstairs. Emma saw Father and Mother too locked up by the Nazis. Father was screaming, thrusting and pulling while Mother was crying.  "Don't hurt the children!" Mother cried.  "We won't hurt 'em." One guard promised, his voice dark and harsh. "We'll just take 'em with us. But... you two may have to go."  Mother and Father froze. Their eyes widened as the guard reached for a long, heavy looking weapon in his belt. Emma felt her heart leap to her throat as the guard pulled out a large wooden rifle. It's polished surface glinted off the light. Emma knew what was going to happen. Oh no...    "Stop!"   BOOM.  Emma stopped struggling. The guard put down his gun, smiling in intense sastifaction. Mother fell to the ground, limp and dead. Mother's skin turned instantly white as snow as the bullet wound, which was at her neck, was bleeding all over her shirt and floor. A thin trail of blood was pouring from her open mouth. Father fell too, pale and bloody like Mother.  "No! Mother, Father!" Emma screeched.  William started sobbing again. The guards ordered something to each other in German before they yanked Emma and William out of the house.  It was dark outside. Lanterns were hanging everywhere and Emma could see people on the porchsteps of their houses, watching them silently with sorrow.  Emma stopped pulling too. Her muscles ached and the spots where the guards gloves bore into her skin were red. Emma saw them pull William away, but she was too exhausted to scream out.  Emma felt her belly churn as she saw the guards light up matches and throw them into her house's windows. Suddenly, a fire broke out inside the house. The orange flames licked up the flammable areas as smoke bellowed from the open windows and into the air. Emma could see the flames inside her room, eating up her precious stuff.  The guards pulled Emma along until they reached a wooden wagon near her house. It had other Jews in it too, but they were all children, smaller then her. The puller of the wagon was a old white horse eating some grass between the cobblestone layers. The guards threw her into the wagon and tied a rope around her hands and feet, placing her onto the wagon's bottom firmly so she wouldn't move. They then mounted the seats at the front and whipped the horse. The horse snorted before lifting it's head and trotting down the street in a fair pace.  Emma felt her heart turn cold. William went into another wagon farther away from the house. His cries for her echoed into the night.  Emma watched as the orange glow of the fire vanished into the shadows as the wagon retreated. The other children were quiet, looking at the houses as the wagon passed by.  Emma's chest tightened painfully. Everything was gone. Her parents, her brother, her house... everything. She never got to apologize to her mother or father, or her brother. She was terrible.  Emma rested her chin on the wagon's side, feeling it scrape her skin. Where to now? She would die inside the camp that they were taking her soon. She knew it and she would never make it.  Emma gritted her teeth as she saw two bright, glowing blue eyes near one large, fancy house on the corner. It was him.  Charlie Gem.    Chapter 7: The Traitor Emma hissed as the wagon pulled over to Charlie Gem. They were turning to the next road, that led to the outside train station. Emma managed to pull out the rope that was pulling her feet down. She turned over to the side of the wagon, facing Charlie as they stopped the wagon so the guards to go get some water fuels.  "Hallo, Emma Blackclover, darling." Charlie chirped, eyes glowing mindly as he walked up, wearing a fancy cloverstone vest and white pants, with pearly black shoes bigger then the wagon's wheels. "Having a fancy day?" "You-you idiot traitor!" Emma snapped as she looked into his eyes, her own green eyes glowing with fire. "You called the Nazis!"  "I did not so!" Charlie retorted, his voice high. "I did nothing of the sort. Why would I send you to death when I love you ever so much?" "You never loved me! You only wanted me for my family's high riches! Well, pretty boy, you can forget that! There all gone!" Emma growled.  "Gone?" Charlie echoed. His voice seemed puzzled. "Gone? Why, that can't be possible."  "The Nazis burned my house. It burned the jewels, too." Emma replied. Emma liked the despair in his eyes for the once lovely glowing purple jewels.  Charlie stomped his foot as he pointed an accusing finger to Emma. His finger almost touched her nose as he snapped. "You... you... you black-headed snotty little girl! Those jewels were mine from the start! I never loved you! And your right.. I did call the Nazis! Good thing your parents are dead, girl."  Emma felt rage twist inside her chest. "You'll pay for this!"  "Boo hoo. Sure." Charlie hissed.  Emma turned her arm. One of her hands twisted out of the rope's bind. With full force, she hit Charlie's nose. She heard a crack and Charlie yelped. The ginger-headed boy toppled back over the sidewalk and into a puddle. When Charlie lifted his hand, blood was pouring from his swollen and brittle nose.  "You made me bleed!" He gasped in shock.  "Good. You need to bleed and feel the pain you've inflected on me. You need it, Charlie Gem. Your a high snotty kid who thinks he has everything. Well, your wrong."  The guards came back from the store. They climbed into the wagon, ignoring Charlie and his bloody nose, and whipped the horse. The horse trotted down the now coming dirt road and to the train station.  Emma watched, grimacing, as she tolled away from Charlie. He was still in the puddle, blood pouring from his broken nose as he watched her in shock.  Emma winced as he vanished from sight. Revenge was a killing thing. Anyone would go inside their hearts and rip it out, puting pain on the other person. It was life.  Emma needed to deal with it.  Chapter 8: The Train to Doom Emma breathed deeply as the horse pulled the wagon to the train station. The station was empty. The old benches were broken as the ground in the pavillion were stained with red and orange stains. There were more Nazis, meaner and darker then the regular drivers, who unlocked the Jews from the ropes and locked their wrists in silver cuffs before dragging them inside.  The old train station was wooden, to Emma's surprise. The planks were splintered and broken. She saw wooden carts, small and colored, connected to each other on a track.  Emma tried to squirm from the guard's grip as they opened one cart's wooden door. The cart inside was small, with smelly hay and boarded walls. The guards threw Emma and the children in the cart before they locked the door, yelling out commands to one another.  Emma scrambled from the hay pile...  TO BE CONTINUED..  Publication Date: July 6th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-hifd2d307c78615

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-bellaa-dreaam-chyna-doll/

Bellaa Dreaam Chyna doll A/n SORRY!! Confessions >___> Okaay . Look Guys , I know ive been slacking VERY hard on this book. But bare with me. Theyll be updates sooner than yall think. Ive been super busy. Sorry yall. But Thanks for reading. Tune into other books of mine as well. OH And im sorry Bellaa Dreamers , But .. I have A Confession. I've been cheating on you all for about 3 months.... Im on Wattpad. And the bad thing about that.. Is i kinda update there frequentlly. Sooooo.. Sorry. But check me out on wattpad, @Bellaa_Dream The very beginning Everyone says dont judge a book by its cover. Shit. You can say that about strippers too. You look at the sexiest or the "toughest" most fierce looking female in the most popular strip club in Alanta - Daddio's. And you might say "Damn she bad as hell or she look real stuck up" and that was everyone's opinion of me. Little did they know , Im just plain ole' Inala Taylor.     A teenage runaway just tryna' make it. Tryna' make a living for myself. Shit , this was nowhere close to the life i envisioned. But oh well. I thought one day i would be a school teacher or work with little old people. But unfortunatly i became Chyna Doll. I got the name Chyna Doll because to Tre the owner of Daddio's, Everything was perfect. Just like a doll. My face, my body, my personality, just everything.     I came from a family of 5. Born to Sienna And Richard Taylor. A mother that was Black and Portugese And my Father was Black and Vieatnamese. I have Three Brothers , Two Sisters. I was always closer to my brothers than my sisters. My sisters were always on there own track. They had no time for me. Inala was always too silent. Or Inala is just to weird for us. The bitches never gave me a chance. My mother was a hard worker so she was never around and my dad was a drug pusher but somehow he made time for me. And only me which made me feel invincable. I remember me and daddy's last day toghther like it was yesterday.   Me and daddy went out to our fav resturant Chan's Chinise and afterwards we walked down to the Ice Cream Parlor. His smile was bright as ever. I didnt know why then but i understand why now , But daddy the whole entire time we were out he looked around nervously. We were walking in a dark ally and out of nowhere some men jumped us.   I got woken up by a huge tall man, I still remember that evil face of his. He dragged me by my hair to see my father one last time. He was strapped to a chair and had been beaten brutaly. He smiled one last bloody smile at me. Another man standing beside him asked "Any last words to say to your pretty little bitch, Richard?" Daddy giggled. "Inala.. Do what you gotta do babygirl. This world is oh so very cold. But you gotta make it. Do it for papa. Be strong. Never be weakend by others. Love yourself as much as daddy did. Daddy loves you babygirl , always and fucking forever."   He lowered his head and prayed. The man that i was woken by laughed hard. "Ha. Jesus isnt here to help you! He fucking hates you! Just Like Sienna Does!" With saying that the bigman walked infront of daddy and ----BANG! Daddy died instantly. I began to cry heavily. The man that was once standing beside daddy came to my side "See.. Little girl this is what happens when people dont do as you tell them to. And thats also what happens when you try to run and hide from what your ment to do. Daddy's in a better place now." "I hate you..." My voice cracked. I didnt know how to get away. So i did what daddy taught me to do. Fight and look for the very next exit. My eyes scaned quickly and i found a cracked window. I was small enough to fit through the crack.    I charged down many blocks before i finally ran into someone. "Help please! Help-- There were big men and guns and those people killed my father please help me!"    They first called the poliece then my.. mother. Or whatever the hell you want to call her. My brothers began to take my father's place. Meaning paying the bills, Working, And spending quality time with me over the years. But it wasnt like my father. I needed my daddy back.    My mother continued to hide shit from me. And of course she distanced herself away from us. Especially me. Like she was SOOOO in love with my father. Fuck that bullshit. She never loved him.   Everytime i saw her fugly face those words rang through my head a million times. "He fucking hates you! Just like Sienna does!"   I got tired of being a charity case. I got tired of being pitty'd. I was tired of my sisters. I was sick and tired of seeing my brothers work like slaves for my mother that sat on her ass and didnt do shit for us anylonger.    At the age of 16 i ran away and never even thought to look back.    I was now turning 20 in a couple of days. Everything was going great for me. No drama. No kids. No family but shit i was fine with that. No boyfriend and i damn sure didnt need one.      Birthday Girl I slowly rolled out of bed. I glanced at the clock. 9:23. Shit. I hated waking up earlier than i had to.    Im always engulfed by my thoughts if i do so. "Happy birthday Inala." i whispered to myself.   Every birthday since daddy died hasnt been the same. Ha.. Me and dad would jus Publication Date: July 11th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-kc851776b21d125

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-bridget-kathleen-dear-you/

Bridget Kathleen Dear you Chapter 1: Saying Goodbye Evelyn Kathleen Connealy walked into her high school early in the morning. The sun was beating down on her back as she walked into the front doors. She yawned and tucked back parts of her long auburn hair behind her ears, now showing the freckles on her pale face. Her hair shown a glowing red-gold when the sun hit and it bounced with every step she took, the curls bobbing up and down by her tiny waist. Evelyn was a small sixteen year-old girl who looked like she was fourteen. Her skin was a fair white and smooth. She was a Sophomore and was right in the middle of the year and wanting it to end already. As she walked up to her locker, she struggled for a few seconds to open her locker and finally it flung open, just like it had always done. She heard a chuckle behind her and she spun around fast, ready to poke the persons eye out with her pin that hooked on to her note book, but Evelyn thought otherwise as she saw her boy friend, Scott, standing behind her. Who would want to damage those pretty dark green eyes? Evelyn stared up at him with her bright, fiery golden brown orbs. "What's so funny?" she asked. "Nothin'. You just always have trouble with that locker and it's funny to watch you try to open it." he joked around with her. Scott was a year older and a Jr. He was tall for his age and lightly tanned skin. His hair was dirty blonde and his bangs hung by the side of his face, taking shape of a heart at the top of his forehead. Evelyn sighed and turned around, putting some of her books into her locker. After that she slammed her locker door shut and turned back around. "If it wasn't for that ghetto locker it make my morning better." she told Scott. As they started to walk to class, Scott took Evelyn's hands in his. "So seeing me in the morning doesn't cheer you up?" he teased her. Evelyn nudged him playfully in the side while walking down the hall. "Of course it makes my morning. It makes my day!" the two laughed and stopped in front of a door. "Looks like this is where I leave you," said Scott. "See you later." he gave her a quick kiss on the lips and was off to his first class. Evelyn watched him for a few seconds before turning into class. Evelyn sat there, not really paying any attention to her teacher and glanced up at the clock. The class was half over. She rolled her eyes. The mornings were always so slow for her. She looked over to her friend, Bianca who sat right across from her and decided to pass her a note. On it she wrote: Could this morning get even worse? She passed the note carefully to her friend. When Bianca read it she smiled. Bianca was seventeen, older than Evelyn, but only by a few months. Her body though was more eye-candy towards the boys though and had a booty every girl wanted. She was well endowed and her long blonde hair was always nice and straight and perfectly even. Bianca wrote back: I doubt it, and passed it back to Evelyn. They continued this until they were almost caught and the teacher gave them both a stern look as in, continue this and I'll make you read it to the class sort of look. A few minutes passed and Evelyn quietly got up and grabbed a bathroom pass off of the teacher desk and walked out of the room. On her way to the bathroom she heard the other voices of the teachers lecturing. It was almost a humming sound. When she got to the restroom she realized that she didn't have to go as badly as she thought and was quickly done. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands with lots of soap. So much soap she blew some of the bubbles on to the mirror in front of her. She then finished washing her hands and while drying her hands off, heard a loud bang from within the school. In seconds she heard students screaming and loud running footsteps going to the hall. Was that a gunshot, she thought to herself. Her heart started to beat. Where did the shot come from? Her class room? Scott's class room? She didn't know. She could hardly think. She forgot about drying the rest of her hands and poked her head out the door. The sounds of screams echoed halls. She turned her head to the right and saw more kids running down another hall. Evelyn ran down the hall and past Scott's room and saw that no one was in there. She then ran to her class and it was the same thing. It was the same for every room. Suddenly a hand reached out to her shoulder. She screamed and but was quietly hushed. "Shhh! It's only me." whispered Scott. Evelyn turned around and flung her arms around Scott. "What's going on?" she said into his neck. Scott pushed her back some and looked her in the eyes. "A shooting, Evelyn. It's a shooting and we need to get the hell out of here." Evelyn wanted to play dumb, as if she did not understand the concept, but she could not escape the reality. Scott took a strong hold of her hand and pulled her right along behind him. "Where is Bianca?" Evelyn asked. Without looking back at her, Scott said, "I haven't seen her yet. Sorry." Suddenly Scott stopped running and got back behind the wall, making Evelyn bump into him a little. "What's wrong?" she asked him. Scott put a finger to his mouth. "Who is it?" she mouthed. Scott just shook his head. The two found themselves in a tight situation. The way out was being blocked by the person who started the whole thing. Scott wasn't about ready to tell Evelyn that though. He then whispered into her ear. "When I say run, you run. Don't look back! Keep running until you find the first room farthest away from that side of the hallway." he pointed towards the hall where the person stood. Evelyn nodded. Understanding. "Go!" he told her. They then began running and did not stop nor did they look back. Evelyn kept moving with Scott right behind her. A gun shot was then sounded and a loud moan came from behind Evelyn. Even though Scott told her not to look back she did and saw Scott laying the stone floor. "SCOTT!" she screamed. Scott looked up at her and yelled at her to run. Evelyn shook her head and ran over to him and quickly picked him up with one arm over shoulders. She went to the nearest room and quickly opened it. When they were inside, Evelyn quickly shoved and piled desks onto each other in front of the door. Just then, the person who was after them in the hallway tried to break in. Evelyn's heart would not stop racing. Finally the pounding stopped the person left. Evelyn fell to her knees and crawled over to Scott who was leaning up against the teachers desk, holding on to his side. "Scott!" Evelyn finished crawling towards him and noticed that he was bleeding on his side. "Oh my God! We have to get you out of here, Scott!" Scott shook his head. "No. It's too dangerous out there. Besides...I'm sure someone...will be here to rescue us soon...Just you wait. Ok?" Evelyn slipped off her white sweater and pressed it against Scott's bloodied up side for pressure. She had learned this from a "survival class" that was for one day. She never thought she'd have to need it so soon. Evelyn started to tear up. Her lips curving under and her eyebrows frowned. "Don't give me that look." Scott said with half a smile. Evelyn shook her head. She let out a sobbing noise and few tears ran down her face. "I'm scared, Scott. Really scared." Scott lifted his hand up to her face and brushed back some of her hair so he could get a better look at her pretty face. "Awh. Doll face. Everything’s going to be fine...You'll see." he then winced pain and dropped his hand to his side. "No, Scott. I'm worried about you! You are not find! You need medical help right now!" she told him. Scott only shook his head in reply. He looked sleepy. A loud crashing sound sounded outside in the halls. "See?" said Scott. "I betcha those are the cops right now." he smiled weakly. He then struggled to lift his hand again and pressed it up against Evelyn's face and brought her close to him and kissed her softly. Evelyn sat next to him and put her arm over on to his other side to apply pressure on his wound. She then rested her head on Scott's shoulder and soon felt him rest his head on top of hers. A few minutes passed and Evelyn heard a loud banging on the door. Her heart started to race as she looked up at the door. There was a group of men standing outside the door and within a few more seconds they had the door open, desks tumbling down and landing at Evenlyn's feet. Indeed it was the cops. They were well dressed and every single gear that they could own on them. One started to pick up Evelyn. Her side leaving Scott's. She watched as he fell over to where she was sitting. She let out a scream and started to resist the cop who had picked her up. "SCOTT! NO! DON'T! YOU CAN'T LEAVE HIM! SCOTT!" she kicked and screamed and hit on the cops chest but it was useless. He was far stronger than she. Another cop knelt down beside Scott and placed two fingers on Scott's neck. "This kid is gone. Someone pick him up." he ordered the last surrounding cops. Hearing this, Evelyn screamed even more. Tears running down her face uncontrollably. She continued to kick and scream as the cop led her outside. Her mind was going fuzzy and her head felt heavy. Finally she passed out. A few days passed and the school was still closed. She didn't know when it open again and didn't care if it ever did. Scott was dead. She looked outside her window was the rain started to come down harder. The moon was nowhere in sight and no stars where in sight either. It was a dull night. Evelyn sat her window, watching the rain drops splatter on the window. They fell just as easily as her tears. She bother to wipe them away. She was tired of doing it. There was no point of doing so until she stopped crying and she didn't know when that would be. She then broke away from her trance of staring out the window when her phone started to ring. It was Bianca. Bianca had safely made it out with not a scratch on her. In fact, she was one of the first ones out. "...Hello?" Evelyn slowly answered. "OH THANK GOD! Your still alive!" Bianca joked through the phone but Evelyn didn't laugh. "How are you holding up?" Bianca asked on a more serious note. For a while Evelyn said nothing so Bianca spoke again. "I've been trying to get a hold of you since the accident. I heard about Scott. I'm so sorry, Evelyn." Evelyn continued to say nothing. "Listen, Evelyn, if you ever want to-" Bianca was then cut off by Evelyn sudden voice. "Bianca. I don't want to talk about it. I'd rather just forget." "Forget? About Scott?" Bianca asked. Even though Bianca was right, Evelyn didn't feel answering her. "Listen, Bianca...I know it's late, but, I don't feel like staying home right now...Want to go on a drive?" she quietly asked. Bianca answered right away with a yes. "Ok," said Evelyn. "I'll pick you up." When Evelyn stopped outside Bianca's house she came out right away and ran to the car for it was still raining. Bianca leaned over and gave Evelyn a long, tight hug. She then sat back in her chair and waited for Evelyn to drive off. It was quiet between the two for a couple of minutes until Bianca broke the silence. "School starts back up next Monday." Evelyn didn't seem to care though. She only picked up her speed. "Evelyn? Did you not hear me?" no answer. Bianca grew scared. "Evelyn...slow down. Your going way too damn fast!" "I'm tired, Bianca." she suddenly stopped the car. The two jolted forward a bit but were kept back from the seat belt. "I'm tired of people asking me if I'm ok. I'm not ok. I lost Scott! I will never BE fine, Bianca!" "Well don't yell at me about it!" said Bianca. "Then get out." Evelyn told her. Bianca's mouth dropped a little. "I'm not getting out! You’re not the only person who was effected by this, Evelyn. Everyone was! And I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. I don't want you to do anything STUPID!" "Fine." Evelyn started to drive and again she picked up her speed. Bianca kept telling her slow down but no words seemed to be reaching Evelyn's ears. The sound of a train blew and Bianca looked to her right. Evelyn was headed right towards the tracks and was not slowing down. Bianca wiped her head back at her friend. "You crazy? STOP! You'll kill us!" Evelyn ignored her and said, "You think I can beat it?" Bianca gasped, realizing what she was about to do. "NO!" Evelyn pressed on the gas. The train was close. The sound of the tracks rattling got louder. The sound of the car rumbling and the horn of the train numbed their ears. ...BAM! The train hit the back end of the Evelyn's car. With the speed she was going the back end of the car lifted and went tumbling down the street. Windows shattered, the sound of the car scrapping hurt their ears. The sound of the train making a sudden stop screeched and finally, everything stopped. The next thing Evelyn knew she was being carried away in a gurney. Doctors were surrounding both sides of her as they rushed her into a room. Pain shot through her body like a thousand needles. Her body was cold, yet she felt like she was on fire. The last thing she remembered was the car flipping and now this and then she feared for her friend, Bianca's life. She felt hot tears forming in her eyes again. Just then she saw someone in the back of the room. They were looking at her closely. She couldn't quite figure out who it was at first though and then it hit her. Scott, she thought to herself, for her voice seemed to be gone at the moment. As the doctors worked franticly over and around her they did not seem to notice Scott in the room. Scott then started to walk up to her. He was wearing the same clothes the day of the shooting. He stood at the end of the bed and said to her, "Close your eyes. Everything will be fine. You want a second chance, you will do as I tell you, Evelyn." She wanted to ask him why he was here and run up to him and hug him but she couldn't. "Close your eyes Evelyn."She then thought, What about Bianca though? And as if he could hear her thoughts he said to her, "She's fine. You'll see her soon." Evelyn then closed her eyes and the pain slowly subsided. The next thing she knew she was waking up in an alley way. The smell of dirt and rotting meat food went to her nose. She shot up with a rude awakening and held her hands to her face to cover the smell. She then looked about her surroundings and gasped. Where the hell was she? She had not a clue. Then suddenly a news paper blew into her leg and she reached over to pick it up. She read the headline out loud, "Trolley strike drags on for third week." Trolley strike, she thought in confusion. Just then she heard a quiet moan and looked to her left. There she saw Bianca, laying a few feet away from her. Evelyn shot up and helped her friend up. When Bianca looked up and saw Evelyn she pushed her back and yelled at her. "Get away from me!" "What?" Evelyn looked at her in confusion. "Don't "WHAT" me! You almost killed me!" Evelyn let out a deep sigh. "Bianca...Look around you." Bianca did just that and was now the one confused. "Where are we?" she asked, forgetting that she was ever mad at Evelyn. The two grabbed hands and walked up to the opening of the alley way. "This place looks like New York."Bianca nodded. "Yeah. But where in New York?"Evelyn squinted her eyes and looked around a bit more. "Looks like...Looks like Brooklyn." What was even stranger was that the people walking around where dressed up in old fashion clothing. "What happened to us?" Bianca breathed. Evelyn shook her head. "I have no idea, but standing here is not going to give us the answer." The two held on to each other’s hands tighter now and walked out in the crowed. People gave them odd looks. "Why are they giving us weird looks?" whispered Evelyn. "It's because we’re not dressed like them." It was then when Evelyn noticed that they were wearing the same clothes the day of the shooting. "Let's find somewhere to stay. I can't stand being looked at any longer." said Evelyn. "Better get used to it, Evelyn because it looks like we’re going to be here for a while." The two continued to walk, not sure where they were heading off too. Something’s were familiar to them, but it wasn't enough to guide them anywhere that they used to know. Chapter 2: Broken heart Evelyn woke up suddenly from a dream. She sat up quickly and rubbed her eyes. Her hair fell over her shoulders, hiding her face. The sunlight shown through the a curtain a bit. She could hear the birds chirping. Suddenly, Bianca walked into the room. She was wearing a yellow dress with white frills on the neck line, the ends of the sleeves and at the bottom of the dress. The dress seemed to show off her curves a bit too much. Her hair swayed around her as she walked up to Evelyn's bed. "Time to get up. You don't want to miss out on breakfast do you?" She raised her arms and opened the curtains without any warning. "Augh!" Evelyn turned her head in the opposite direction, shielding her eyes from the sun. Bianca said nothing more and walked out of the room, closing the door quickly behind her. Bianca was mad at Evelyn. She knew it; after what happened on that rainy night. How could she not be? Evelyn regretted everything and wished she could put her sorry words to right. But that would be difficult. Bianca would hardly talk to her since they arrived at the O'Brian's house hold. The O'Brian's were kind enough to let the two girls in after a day of walking around in Brooklyn. Thomas O'Brian, just a little over forty it seemed like, approached the girls while they sat in Prospect Park. A historical park built in 1867, October 19th in Brooklyn, New York. "Hello. Excuse me if I am intruding on anything, but...you two young ladies' seem lost." It was the first thing he said to them. The two girls looked up at him plainly; confusion on their faces. No clue what to tell the man, so he spoke again. "My name is Thomas O'Brian. I live around here and decided to talk a walk and I saw you two. Please forgive me if I seem rude but...the two of you are dressed awfully different from everyone else. Where do you come from?" he asked. Evelyn was about to say something but Bianca beat her to it. "We are from a long way home. Not sure how we got her but, we are certainly lost that's for sure." "Good heavens!" said Thomas. "Well...pray tell me where you come from. May haps I can be of some assistance?" he told the girls with a reassuring smile. Again, Evelyn was about to speak but Bianca spoke before, so Evelyn just decided to let Bianca do all the talking. "I'm afraid we cannot tell you that, sir." it was all she said and Mr. O'Brian accepted that. He smiled once again at the two young girls. "Do you have a place to stay?" he asked. "No." Bianca replied. Thomas stood up straight and tall then. His nice clean black suit at a few wrinkles in them but he didn't seem to mind them. He then took off his top hat, showing his short brown hair that was pretty much grey by his age. "Well then, allow me to accept you two lovely ladies' into me wife’s and I'se home. I am sure should not mind. She has been rather lonely since all of our boys grew up and moved away." Mr. O'Brian had seven children. All of them were boys and had moved away. Their big home seemed rather lonely with only Thomas's wife, Sybelle and him and with them a few of their maids. The girls were reluctant at first to take up his offer but soon took it up, seeing as they had nowhere else to go. The outside of the house was white with a white fence around and blue flowers growing all around it and beside the house even. It was a cute home. The inside was just as cute. Nicely decorated. Ornaments hung on the shelves. Each room was painted a soft color. The furniture had a soft velvet touch to it and the wood work was shiny with signs of finger prints or dust. This place seemed to good to be true! And it was. The only thing, it did stay true. The O'Brian's were a lovely couple who took them in, not knowing who the girls really were. They were just good people and it gave Evelyn and Bianca a sense of comfort. When Evelyn's eyes adjusted to the light she turned back around to look out the window. Her and Bianca's room sat on the top floor. The bedroom window looked out to a fenced in back yard with a great big green tree in the back of the yard in one of the corners of the fence. Flowers were planted around, giving it a nice look. A picnic table sat opposite of the tree beside the other side of the fence where more flowers were blooming She then sat up and found a nice white long sleeved shirt and an old blue fashion fall dress folded up at the foot of her bed. There, right beside the outfit, was a plain white corset. She picked it up not sure how to put it on. She had gotten away without wearing one for the past two days that she and Bianca had been there. The door slowly creaked open and it was Bianca again. "Still in your night gown I see." "I...I can't figure out how to put this corset on." It was the first thing Evelyn had said to Bianca since they arrived at the house. If Bianca didn't know any better she would think that her friend had gone mute. "let me help." she offered. "Take off your night gown." she told her. Evelyn slowly took of her night gown revealing her naked back and Victorian styled underwear. She faced away from Bianca, holding her breasts, afraid to let anyone see her. She didn't know she felt so uncomfortable around her friend, seeing as they had to take showers after gym class every day. Perhaps it was the tension that still lingered between them. Evelyn slipped on the corset and quickly felt it getting tighter around her chest, ribs, and stomach as Bianca quickly tide up the back. "There. All done." Bianca sighed. "I will meet you down stairs." with that, Bianca left the room again. Evelyn stood there for a moment. Everything in the room was silent. Her heart beat at an unsteady beat, trying to get used to the feel of a corset wrapped around her body. A single tear fell down her pale cheek and landed on top of her arm. She looked down and wiped it away. She then took up the white shirt and put it on. It fit nice and snug on her. Same with the dress. She felt more like a little than ever. She felt like a grown girl gone small again and playing dress up. Evelyn then put on some long white thick stockings and then put on a pair of white laced up boots. She sat down in front of a mirror, grabbed a brush and slowly started to brush her hair. She could still somewhat smell the strawberry shampoo in her hair. It reminded her of home and she closed her eyes. Remembering. When she opened her eyes again, looking down and seeing as there was nothing to put in her hair she decided to let her hair hang loose today. As she descended the stairs the smell of oatmeal and baked bread filled her nostrils. Evelyn then took a seat that a maid had pulled out for her and was quickly placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of her and with that, freshly baked break with some cheese on the side and water to everything down. Evelyn took her napkin and placed it on her lap. The last time she tried to eat oatmeal a blob of it fell on to her lap. The oatmeal had a bit of a sugary taste to it and the bread tasted like sweet honey. The water was fresh yet warm and the cheese was just as good as the rest of the meal. It was a fulfilling meal indeed. Mr. O'Brian, his wife and Bianca and Evelyn sat in silence for quite some time. It seemed for the O'Brian's that food came first before talking. There was no such thing as letting a good meal go uneaten under this roof. "So girls, and my dearest Sybelle," started Thomas. "This evening, before supper, I will be having a meeting with some of the young workers at the Union District here in this very house in my studies. I'm letting you all know this because something has come up and such words that we will speak up, cannot be spoken about in any public area." "I see." said Sybelle. "How long will it last?" she asked sweetly. Mrs. O'Brian was a rather plump lady, though she was still an attractive woman for her age. Her carrot top hair was slightly going white and a few wrinkles shown in her face and hands. She always wore he hair up in a nice bun, only letting a few strands fall down on the side of her face. "I assure you, my dearest, that it will not last as long as what you think. It shall be done before supper is even done. That I promise you, my sweet." Evelyn's heart somewhat melted whenever she heard Thomas talk to his wife just so. They were a cute couple and had been together since they were both sixteen. Mr. O'Brian had came over to America first, working hard and saving up money for his wife Sybelle to sail over. They had came from Ireland and before starting a family, Thomas worked his hands to the bone to insure his sweet wife a happy life here in New York with their seven boys. Later on that night, Evelyn and Bianca sat up in the room that they shared. They heard the voices of men young and old, greeting Thomas at the door. Evelyn looked over at Bianca who sat on her bed, reading a book. A love story it seemed like. "Bianca?" Evelyn said quietly. Bianca did not seem to hear her though. "Bianca?" she said her name a little louder this time. Bianca sighed and placed her book down on lap and looked over to Evelyn. "What?" she said. Evelyn bit her bottom lip before saying, "I'm sorry." Bianca rolled her eyes and sighed again and taking up her book to hid her face. "Apology not accepted." A pain stung at Evelyn's chest when she heard her friend say those words. "What?" "I'm not going to forgive you just like that, Evelyn. Not right now anyway. What you did was wrong. Yes, you were upset, but look where you have gotten us! I can hardly talk to you let alone even look at you. Everyone was hurt on that day Evelyn. Scott was a friend of mine too!" Hate and hurt hit Evelyn hard in the chest. Her heart beat more rapidly. She was worried that Bianca would see her heart pumping right through her dress so she crossed her arms. "Don't talk about Scott!" Evelyn said loudly. "You have no room to talk about him or even say his name. Yeah, he might have been your friend, but Scott and I had a stronger and deeper relationship!" "Oh yeah? Well I am sick and tired of hearing you call out his name every single night!" "Shut your mouth!" Evelyn screamed this time. Before Bianca could say anything else to her friend, Evelyn shot up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She was hot with furry. Her head seemed to be spinning in circles. She placed her left hand over her heart. It was getting hard to breath. It was the damn corset! She had to try to calm herself down, but how? She was so angry! She walked down stairs, turned the corner that headed to the back door. She had wanted to go outside and get some fresh air but she bumped into somebody instead. "Whoa!" it was a young man. Evelyn stumbled back a bit. After she regained her footing she looked up at the young man looking down at her with concern. Her vision was hazy but she could still make out the looks of the young man standing before her. His dirty blonde hair was somewhat messy. He wore dark blue shirt with pink suspenders that held up his brown pants. He was slightly built on top. His shoulders were broad. His chin looked was well shaped. His eyes were an intense bright blue. His lips weren't thick but were not thin either and they gave off a natural, flirtatious curve. His skin was a few shades darker than hers. His arms looked strong. It looked as if he could wrap any girl in his arms and make her feel incredibly safe and warm. "Scott...?" she said tiredly before passing out. The young man caught her just in time after apologizing for running into her. Evelyn lay safely in his arms. "No, miss," he said. "The names Spot. Spot Conlon." but she did not hear him. Chapter 3: The package Evelyn woke up with Mrs. O'Brian and Bianca looking down at her. "Good heavens child!" said Sybelle. "Are you alright?" she asked, checking Evelyn's forehead. Evelyn's head felt like she had hit a train. She slightly laughed to herself. How ironic, she thought. She slowly sat up and the pain in her chest came back. She winced in pain. "We heard that you suddenly passed out." Said Bianca finally. Evelyn looked up at her friend, suddenly remembering the argument they had. She looked away. "It's this corset. It's way too tight!" "Too tight?" said Sybelle. "Let me help you loosen it a bit then, my dear." Evelyn nodded and slowly stood up, walking behind the bed and leaning her hands on the bed post for support as Mrs. O'Brian loosened the corset. Evelyn immediately felt air smoothly go through her lungs. She took in a deep breath. She then readjusted her dress and turned around. "My dear, it was awfully tight." "How long was I out?" she asked. "About ten minutes is all." Said Bianca. She went and sat on her bed. "By the way," said Evelyn. "I ran into someone before fainting. Are they still here?" Mrs. O'Brian got a cheery smile on her face. "OH! That young man. Yes, he is still here, though he's in my husband's office at the moment." Evelyn rubbed her head. "I see. What's his name?" "Spot Conlon, me dear. Why do you ask? Have you met him before?" Evelyn thought for a while. "I'm not sure, miss." She said. All the while in the back of Evelyn's mind, she thought of that boy. Spot Conlon. He looked so familiar. Why? When supper was ready the meeting was just getting over. A whole group of men left the house in a hustle. Some joked as they walked out, politely saying goodbye and others seemed to be in more of a hurry. Sybelle walked into the dining room where the food was being placed out. She motioned the girls to follow her. Evelyn was well on her way to do just that, but found herself stopping. Thomas was talking to young looking men just outside his office. One was taller than the other two. He had black hair that was slicked back and dark eyes. He had a womanizing smile and a heartily laugh. It seemed he had great charisma. The other young man looked familiar though. Then it dawned on her. It was the young man she had ran into. Spot Conlon. He looked over and met Evelyn's gaze from across the room. Evelyn's face flushed red and she quickly walked into the dining room. There she saw Bianca and Sybelle setting things of food down on the table. This was a friendly house hold. Everyone took part in something. Bianca quickly walked up to Evelyn and placed plates in her arms. "Put these on the table." she told her and was back to setting other things on the table. Evelyn slowly and carefully placed each plate down. The plates were delicate china. Each one had wild flowers of all colors hand painted on them, leaving the rim of them a sky blue. When the plates were set out Evelyn placed silverware and napkins down next. She never did this at home. Everyone just served themselves. She kind of liked it this way better. When the table was set and Thomas came into the room everyone took their places. Mr. O'Brian sat next to his wife while Evelyn sat next to Bianca. There were three more chairs that were empty. Evelyn caught a glimpse of Sybelle looking at them. She was probably remembering her sons. "So," said Thomas. "I have a proposition." taking a bit of mashed potatoes after. "What is that me dear?" asked Sybelle. Thomas swallowed his potatoes and then continued talking. "First of all, I must know what level of education you girls are at." he pointed his spoon at the two girls. Bianca and Evelyn both exchanged glances at each other. "We are both Sophomores." replied Bianca. Again, Bianca was taking charge. Not giving Evelyn a chance to speak out. "Ah. I see, I see. That's very good that you girls are still in school. I'm proud of both of you!" This made Evelyn feel good. Not once had her parents praised her going up a class (besides grade school) or for even staying in school. Thomas then said, "Here is my proposition: How would you like to continue your education?" both girls nodded. "Good, good," Thomas smiled. "There is a school not far from here. I have already talked to them and they said they would love to take you in. The name of the school is St. Savior high school. A school just for girls." Evelyn's stomach cringed. ugh. A Catholic high school. great, she thought. Evelyn might have believed in God, but a Catholic school was not her forte. Bianca on the other hand had never been to one did not know what to expect from this school. Evelyn looked down at her plate. She had some mashed potatoes, roast, bread and butter and green beans on her plate and on the side she had some water only this time a cube of ice was in it. Evelyn took up a green bean with her fork and looked at it. Steam rose off from it. She blew on it once, watching the steam flow away from her. She then took a small bite and to her surprise the green bean tasted nice and fresh and shoved the rest of it in her mouth afterwards. The mashed potatoes had a square of butter melted on to it. She mixed it around and took a bit of that next. It was the best mashed potatoes she had ever eaten. Next she ate her roast, which was thick and juicy. Some of the juices even dripped off of the roast on to her plate where her green beans used to sit. It was one of the best meals she had ever had and washed it all down with a semi cold glass of water. After supper the two girls said good night to the O'Brian couple and headed off to bed. "I hope you get a good night’s rest." said Bianca, slipping into her night gown. "Why?" Evelyn asked her. "Didn't you hear Thomas. We start school tomorrow." she pulled her hair out from under her gown and sat on her bed. Evelyn finished putting on her night ware and got under her covers. She grabbed for a brush on the mirror stand and brushed her hair. "Oh, ok." said Evelyn. Bianca shook her head. "You must have been pretty into your food tonight not to have heard." Bianca joked. Evelyn gave a small smile and set the brush back. She pulled the covers over head and went right to sleep. The next morning Evelyn was rudely awaken by a set of clothes being plopped on to her face and next her covers were stripped from her. "What's the big idea!" yelled Evelyn. "Rise and shine! It's time for school." Bianca hovered over Evelyn like hawk. "There is your uniform." she pointed next to the set of clothing by Evelyn's head. Evelyn sat up, grabbing her clothes. She slid off her bed and stripped from her night gown. She first put on her black stockings and then put on the slip that went under the main skirt. Next came with skirt, which was an aweful dark brown color. The shirt was white and longed sleeved and felt smooth while putting on. Lastly was the horrid jacket that matched the skirt. When Evelyn finished putting on her uniform she put her up into a neat bun and then put on s pair of black laced up boots and headed down stairs to eat some breakfast. After Breakfast the two girls met up with Thomas by the front door. He handed each of them a small leather bag. "I put in there a folder with some paper and I gave you both a pencil. I hope that will get you two by for your first day." A maid with dark brown hair that was put in a braid walked up to the three. She was rather short and young looking but was no doubt a little older that the two girls. Maybe by two or three years. "This young lady here is Miss Abigail. She will show you to and from school this first week." explained Mr. O'Brian. "Now off you go before you are late!" he opened the door and let the girls pass. The walk there was not too long. The only bad part about it were the people trying to shuv and sell goods into their arms the fact that was wind was facing them the whole entire way. "Here is the place. St. Savior’s high school." said Abigail. "I will be here a few minutes before school is let you out to come take you girls home." She gave them a small smile and was off and back to the O'Brian house. It wasn't too hard for them to find their rooms seeing as each classroom was labeled with big letters. when they entered the class, almost every seat was taken up but two. It figured. The teacher stood in front of her desk and turned to look at the girls. She was a middle aged woman. Too tall for how skinny she was. Her hands were long and slender. Her shoes pointed like a witch and frizzy hair put up in a messy bun and dark eyes that seemed to burn through your body. Evelyn's stomach started to turn. She felt sick already. "Ah. You must be from the O'Brian house hold. Please, come inside and do introduce yourselves." said the teacher. "My name is Miss. Thorn, but you can call me Miss. T if that is what you wish." Both girls walked in front of the class. All eyes were on them. When they finished introducing themselves, Miss. Thorn had them take a seat clear in the back. Almost instantly Miss. Thorn told the girls to take out their reading books and open to page thirty. The book was Romeo and Juliet. A story that made Evelyn's heart throb. The same for Bianca only Evelyn gave into her emotions more easily. Because they had no books, the two girls had to share with another. Evelyn's partner was a shy little blonde hair who wore her hair in piggy tails. She had a nastily voice and great big blue eyes. She looked like she was twelve, but Evelyn knew that this girl was probably her age. Bianca's partner was girl who looked like she liked to take charge. She knew at that moment that the two would probably butt heads a lot further into the year. The girl held the sides of her hair back with a blue hair pin and let the rest fall down her back. Her hair was almost black and her eyes were a bright grey. As the day went on the two girls worked hard on their studies. Math was not too difficult for they had worked on things similar. English was just some simple writing, reading and spelling, which Evelyn did not take to fondly of. Luckily the girls left without having to take home any work. And just Abigail had told them, she was waiting right outside for them. "It seems I have arrived just in time." she told the girls. "How was your first day?" she asked. "It was fine. Thanks." said Evelyn. "That's good to hear. Please come along." Before they reached home a boy with black hair and dark brown eyes placed himself right in front of Evelyn's way. "Extra, extra Miss! Read all about it! District Union of New York City calls for help!" Evelyn gave him a sad nod. "Sorry boy. I don't have any money." The boys face fell, but before he could turn away, Abigail pulled out two pennies and put them into the boys hand. "Thank Abby!" said the boy. Abigail rolled her eyes and smiled. She sighed. "Oh, Thomas Higgins! You are always so persistent and polite." The boy laughed and blushed. He tipped his newsie hat and said, "Ah shucks, Abby. Call me Racetrack!" he grinned. Abigail gave the boy a playful slap on the face. "Go sell the rest of your job then, Race!" she laughed. "I have to get these two girls back home. See you around." the two said goodbye and the boy, Thomas Higgins who went by the name Racetrack waved off Evelyn and Bianca too. "Who was that boy?" Bianca asked. "Oh," said Abigail with a playful smile on her face. "That's my cousin. Thomas Higgins. He may be trouble maker, but he sure can be a sweet heart when he want to be. Too bad he doesn't go to school as much as what he should." "How old his?" Evelyn asked. "The boy is thirteen. He's told me that after this year he's quitting school. I'se keep on tellin' him to go on and move up to seventh grade, but he just can't stand his teachers. "I'm 'fraid lots of kids can't stand the teacher." she laughed a little. "Well now. Here we are. Home sweet home." she opened the doors and let the two girls go in first. Evelyn could not believe that kids during this time dropped out of school so young. It was shame. And here she was. Sixteen years old. A Sophomore in high school. Even if she were to drop school right now, she's still have a better chance at life than half of the people who walked the streets in Brooklyn New York. Later on that day, not quite supper time and nor was it the slightest bit of grey outside, Evelyn closed her book, Romeo and Juliet closed and put it back into her leather bag. Her and Bianca had picked up a copy after class. If there was one thing Evelyn was better at than Bianca at it was reading. She set her bag down beside her bed and walked out of the room while Bianca was still reading. Evelyn walked outside to get some fresh air. Still wearing her school uniform she wrapped her arms around herself. It wasn't too terribly cold out. It was just the wind that made it seem so. Behind the fenced in back yard Evelyn looked up at the clear blue sky. Not a single cloud was in sight. She sighed and closed her eyes. She imagened herself back at home in her back yard, laying in the grass and looking up at the sky when she had nothing better to do. Suddenly her day dreaming was interrupted by the sound of Mrs. O'Brian voice. She turned around fast and saw Sybelle standing by the door. "Oh me gracious! Thank goodness you are here!" she had a letter and a package in her hands. "What's the matter?" asked Evelyn. "Thomas is up at the Boys Working Union. A package came to him today. I would have one of our maids take it to him, but me being so foolish, sent them on other errands for me. Would you take it to him?" she asked with a worried look on her face. Evelyn was slow at first to answer. "I uh...No, I don't mind. Yes. I will take it to him." "Oh good! You've helped me out much me dear! Thank you." she placed the package into Evelyn's arms. "How do I get there from here?" she asked. Sybelle waved a hand in front of her face and giggles. "Not to worry, dear Evelyn. I've wrote down some directions. Here, this should help." she placed a thick piece of paper with the directions on it on top of the package. Evelyn grabbed it and looked down at it. Before she could say anything else to Mrs. O'Brian she had gone off someplace else. Evelyn shrugged her shoulders and went off to the find the Union. She mumbled to herself the directions as she walked up a market street in Brooklyn. The place was jammed pack and loud with people shouting out goods and offering people little trinkets. She was amazed by how much New York had changed from this time to her time. Of course she knew the differences between this day and age from hers, but actually living in it, she could hardly keep from shouting out. Oh how her history teacher would kill to be her shoes right now. Finally she stood a few yards away from a building where the directions had told her to stop. She looked up in great big letters was written: District Work Union. She took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. She braced herself and held the package close to her chest, unsure of what she would expect. As she opened the front doors a smell of papers and ink and wood and musty carpet filled her nose. She sniffed and coughed once from the surprise of the smell. Evelyn spotted a man about in his sixties sitting behind a rather big oak desk, writing things down in a speedy manner on paper and quickly flipping through them. "Excuse me?" Evelyn slowly approached the large oak desk. "Excuse me?" she said again, but the old man did not seem to hear her, so she spoke louder. "Excuse me, sir!" The man lifted his head slowly. He gave Evelyn an annoyed look and went back to his paper work. "His too busy to see you." he told her in a harsh tone. Evelyn felt herself growing tired of his 'lack of duty' and said to the man, "You don't even know who I want to see. I have a very important package for Mr. O'Brian." The old man looked up at her once more, still looking as annoyed as ever. "Like I said, Miss. He is too busy to talk to such a person as yourself." Evelyn scoffed. "And what does that mean?" she asked him, now giving him the annoyed look. The old man took off his glasses and sighed. "This place is for young men. Men here are hard at work to make things better. I'm sure whatever business you have with Mr. O'Brian can wait." he put his glasses back on and went back to his paper work. Evelyn stood there in front of the desk, watching as the old man continued to ignore her. She caughed once, while at the same time saying, "Sexist!" the old man glanced and gave her a confused look, but he soon went back to his paper work. Evelyn grew so tired of his bull she slammed the package on the deck and then her hands. "I need to talk to Mr. O'Brian NOW!" A few minutes later Evelyn was given the directions to Mr. O'Brian's office. Yelling at the man had givin him a wakeup call. She literally made it loud and clear that she would not be pushed around or ignored and ended up getting her way. The further she went into the building the more men she began to see. Some ignored her, others looked her up and down and occasionally some would say hello like a good gentleman. Finally she made her way into Thomas's office. She knocked a few times before entering and found him talking to one of the men from last night. On Thomas's desk was a large rolled out paper with a design drawn out on it. "Evelyn?" said Thomas. "What on earth are you doing here?" he asked her, surprised by her presence. "Sybelle wanted me to give this to you." she placed the package in his hands. "She would have someone else do it but no one else was around but me so I delivered it for her." "Ah. I see. Well thank you, Evelyn. I appreciate it." Evelyn was about to walk back out, but Mr. O'Brian called out to her. "Evelyn. Please come back. Just for a second, please? I have someone I would like you to meet." Thomas and the man he was talking to both stood up, facing Evelyn. "This here is Charles VahnHam. He is a very skilled worker of mine. Charles, this is Evelyn Connealy. Her and her friend Bianca are the young girls who have been staying with my wife and I." "Pleasure is all mine, Miss Evelyn." he brought out his hand to shake hers but she didn't meet him the rest of the way. He pulled his hand back to his side and gave her a quick smile. "Charles, methinks our work is done for the day. I will wrap the rest up. Please take, Miss Evelyn back home." "Of course." said Charles with a smile. He walked passed Evelyn and opened the door. A loud thud came from outside. All three ran outside the office to find a stack of papers and a young man laying on the wood floor, covering his face. "Oh excuse me!" said Charles, helping the young man get back up. As Evelyn watched she soon realized who it was. It was the other young man Thomas was talking to last night. Spot Conlon. "My apologies, Spot. Didn't not see or hear you coming." Spot picked up his papers that were now in a big heaping pile. "Ah nah! I'se seem ta be in a big rush this evenin'." he then noticed Evelyn and his face flushed red with embarrassment. "Ah! I'se sorry 'bout the other night. Didn' mean ta scare you'se." he said, clearly to Evelyn. Evelyn said nothing. Instead she looked to the side, hiding her blushing face. He really DOES look like him! She thought. He looks like an older Scott. And indeed he did. When Evelyn got home and supper was made and eaten, Evelyn sat up in her room. The candles were out, Bianca was asleep, but Evelyn stayed away. She gazed out her window and looked up at the stars. There was still not a single cloud in sight and the stars looked beautiful. Suddenly a shooting came across the sky. Evelyn gave out a quiet gasp, clasped her hands together, closed her eyes tightly and made a wish. She wished to see Spot Conlon again and when that time arrived she would say something back to him. Chapter 4: Is this real or make believe The steady rising of the scent of summer I want to feel it next to you… Evelyn sat in her usual desk in her classroom. She was staring aimlessly at the board while Miss. Thorn spoke about fractions and equations. Evelyn couldn't help but yawn. She tried to make it as unobvious as she possibly could, hoping Miss. Thorn would not notice her getting 'bored' in her class. Evelyn's gaze focused on the paper on her desk. Her pin was to her right side and she picked it up and started to draw. As to what she was drawing? She didn't know. She just needed to find something else to do before she fell asleep right in the middle of class! It wasn't until a smack on her desk with a ruler did she notice what or who she was drawing. It was Scott. No…It was Spot. "Miss. Connealy. I see you have better things to do in my class than pay attention to my teachings." Evelyn looked up slowly. Miss. Thorn was looking down at her with a raised brow. Evelyn swallowed hard. "Sorry Miss. Thorn. It won't happen again." Miss. Thorn placed the ruler in her palm and stood up straight. "Good. Because you are now going to stay after class and clean up the classroom." Evelyn looked around. The girls stared at her. Bianca had a slight grin on her face. The same one that meant: Oh shit. You're in trouble. Hate to be you. Let's laugh about this later and talk smack about the teacher. Evelyn looked back up at her teacher and said, "There's nothing to clean." Miss. Thorn gave her a mocking grin. "Oh? We shall see about that, Miss. Connealy." Miss. Thorn walked back to the board and continued to teach. Evelyn looked back down at her drawing of Spot. She sighed and crumpled it with her fist. As the girls in the classroom Evelyn sat calmly in her seat, waiting for Miss. Thorn to give her cleaning instructions. As she waited she put the rest of her things in her leather bag and placed the strap on the back of the chair. "I will tell Abigail about you staying late." explained Bianca before leaving the room. Evelyn nodded, understanding. After Bianca left, Miss. Thorn walked over to Evelyn, handing her a bucket with water a rag inside it. "I want you to clean off every single desk, including mine, but first," she handed Evelyn what looked be a shabby looking duster. "I want you to dust." She placed the duster in Evelyn's free hand. "After that I want you to clean the board. Lastly, sweep the floor. The broom is in the closet." She pointed behind her with her thumb. "Now get to work. I have a meeting I must attend to." Miss. Thorn then left Evelyn alone to clean the classroom. In the meantime, Bianca met up with Abigail on the steps outside the building. Abigail looked behind Bianca, seeing no trace of Evelyn. "Miss. Bianca, where is your friend?" she asked. Bianca sighed. "Oh, Miss. Thorn is having her stay after school and clean the classroom. She was caught drawing in the middle of class." Abigail nodded. "I see. Well…would you like me to take you home?" Bianca shook her head. "No. I was kind of hoping to stay here until she got done. Is that ok?" Abigail nodded again. "Of course. I do not mind." Evelyn first started off in the order that Miss. Thorn had instructed. She took the duster and started to dust off the top of her teacher's desk, getting in-between all her little knick knacks and books. She then went to the student's decks and did a quick job on those. Next she took the bucket of water and dipped the rag in and then twisted the water out. She didn't spend much time on the decks of the student's, but she was carful when it came to washing off her teacher's desk. When that was done she erased the chalk board and started to wash it off right away. The sooner she got done, the better. After the chalk board was cleaned, Evelyn walked over to the closet. When she opened everything inside seemed to be so neat and organized. Evelyn wandered what it was that Miss. Thorn did in her spare time. She laughed a little to herself and shook the meaningless thought from her mind and grabbed the broom. When Evelyn was done cleaning she placed everything back in its rightful place. She placed her hands on her hips as she stood at the front of the room, looking at the job she had just completed. She smiled and took in a deep breath and let it out. She walked back over to her desk and picked up her bag. As she was about to leave the classroom, something caught her eyes' attention. She took a few steps back and looked down in the tiny trash can. The drawing that she had crumpled up earlier was sitting on top of everything else. She looked down at it for a few seconds before reaching down to get it out. She un-crumpled it and looked down her now miss formed drawing of Spot. "I see you are done." Said Miss. Thorn, walking in on Evelyn. Evelyn looked over at her teacher who stood at the doorway. She quickly stuffed the drawing in her leather bag and walked to the door. Miss. Thorn slowly moved to the side, allowing Evelyn to pass. As she took her first step to walk out, Miss. Thorn placed a hand on Evelyn's shoulder, stopping her. "A job well done, Miss. Connealy. See you next week." Miss Thorn walked to her desk and sat down and placed her hands delicately on her lap. Evelyn then realized that she was holding her breath and took in some air and slowly let it out as she walked out of the classroom. Evelyn walked outside, surprised to see Bianca and Abigail still waiting for her. "Took you long enough." Bianca joked. Evelyn smile and rolled her eyes. "She had me do a lot of pointless stuff." Walking down the steps with Bianca and Abigail and heading back to the O'Brian house. "Surely it wasn't all pointless." Suggested Abigail. Bianca and Evelyn exchanged looks with little smirks across their faces. When they arrived back to the house it seemed more busy than usual "What is that sound?" Bianca asked. "Oh," said Abigail. "Mr. O'Brian has decided to build a greenhouse for Mrs. O'Brian. I think it rather cute actually. They sure are a sweet couple." She smiled a little bit, but her smile seemed a little sad. Bianca might not have noticed, but Evelyn knew that there was more this girl than just being a maid. Later on that day as the smell of supper wafted through the house, Evelyn sat down in living room front of the piano and lightly pressed a key down. She smiled when she heard the tune. She felt odd sitting in front of the piano. She wished she could play. Be able to make music for her own enjoyment and others. "Do you play?" a voice asked from behind Evelyn. Evelyn turned around and saw Mrs. O'Brian. Evelyn smiled shyly. "No, sadly." she answered her. Sybelle quickly sat down next to her and started to name off some keys. "See? Position your fingers like a spider. It will be easier to move about." Evelyn did just as Sybelle was telling her. Just then, their practicing was interrupted by a loud bang. They both looked stood up and looked outside. Some men were hard at work putting up the first wall for the greenhouse. "Why is Thomas doing this?" Evelyn asked. Sybelle smiled. "I only mentioned it once to him, thinking he would forget about it. It was just a thought, but, for some reason he remembered and wanted to this for me. After all, he knows how much I love to grow things. I did it all the time in Ireland." "That's awfully nice of him to do so." said Evelyn. She noticed from the corner of her left eye that Sybelle was blushing. Evelyn hoped that someday she would have a love like the O'Brian's did. Suddenly Evelyn caught a glimpse of someone. It was Spot he was carrying with him some tools and two large pieces of wood. Evelyn pressed her hands to the window and leaned as close to it as she could, making the window fog up. "Ah," said Sybelle. "So it's him." Evelyn leaned back from the window and gave Sybelle a surprised look. "W-what are you talking about?" Sybelle giggled. "Dear me child! Don't be ashamed to hide it." "H-hide what?" Sybelle cleared her throat before talking again. "That young man, Spot Conlon." Evelyn blushed by the sound of his name and looked down at her feet. Sybelle clearly saw this and said, "Say, why don't we'se make some the boys lemonade. I'm sure they be awfully thankful and who knows, mayhap you can finally talk to him." "S-Sybelle!" Evelyn's face flushed even redder. Sybelle took Evelyn by the hand and lightly pulled her into the kitchen. There she got out some lemonade, water and sugar. She then handed Evelyn a knife and told her to start cutting the lemons in half. When they were done cutting, Sybelle and Evelyn started to squeeze out all of the juice. When they were done with that they poured the rest of it into the jug of water. Next Sybelle put in the sugar and the mixed everything together. "Will you be such a doll and go hand out these glasses to the boys?" Sybelle asked as she finished pouring the lemonade. At first Evelyn was reluctant to say yes but managed to say so. "Here, I will help you." Said Sybelle, getting out a second tray and splitting up the drinks. "You take this one." Sybelle told her, handing her the tray of lemonade. As Evelyn walked outside, the sun was bright. The sun had been hiding all day up until now it seemed, but it wouldn't be up for very much longer. Sybelle was a few paces behind Evelyn as they walked out to the back yard. Mrs. O'Brian went the opposite direction as Evelyn, giving her the chance to talk to Spot. Evelyn walked up behind the group of men who seemed to be crowded around all their tools, talking about their daily lives. "E-excuse me." Said Evelyn. The men stopped talking and slowly turned around to face Evelyn. "Oi! Dis goil's got some drink for us me boys!" said the oldest of the men. He gladly took up a drink and said thank you. The other young men did the same. Some smiled and others tipped their hats. Just as Evelyn was about to walk away a hand grabbed for the lemonade. When she looked up she saw Spot. He took great big gulps until he was done. Evelyn watched as he drank. The Adams apple in his throat moved up and down as he drank it all. He place the glass down with a 'Ah' sound. He smiled at Evelyn, tipped his hat and said thank you. He was about to walk away but a little voice deep inside of Evelyn spoke out suddenly. "Wait!" she said. Spot turned back around, waiting for her to speak again. "What's your name?" she asked. Even though she already knew the answer she wanted to hear it come from him. He smiled. "I'se guess you'se don' remembeh then." He said to her. Evelyn gave him a confused look. Spot saw and explained himself better. "Oh. Sorry. Guess I'se should explain me self betteh." He scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to say next. "The names Spot Conlon. You'se and I ran into each otheh a few days." Evelyn nodded. "Right," she said. "Well my names Evelyn Connealy. It's nice to finally meet you." She told him this rather quietly. He chuckled. "Yeah. I'se know who ya are, Miss. Evelyn." Evelyn was surprised. "Really? But I have never spoken to you until now." Spot nodded. "Ah. Yeah. Woid gets 'round, little missy." He smiled again at her. "Wells…I'se betteh get back ta woik, Miss. Evelyn. Good day." He tipped his hat again and walked away. Later that same day as Evelyn sat up in her bedroom, reading her book, Romeo and Juliet, Bianca sat up from her bed and placed her book down. She sighed heavily. "Evelyn?" she said. Evelyn looked over at her friend. "Hmm?" Bianca looked about the room and then looked down at her hands resting on her lap. "What do you think has happened to us?" Evelyn placed her book down as sat up with Bianca. "I don't know. It's all so confusing." Bianca nodded. "Yeah...Hey, listen. Sorry for not talking to you as much. Ever since we got here we've been drifting apart. I mean I -" "I know, Bianca." said Evelyn. Bianca took in a deep breath and let it out. She seemed nervous. "What do you think will happen to us? I mean...do you think we're stuck here?" she asked. Evelyn then remembered seeing Scott in the hospital room. She remembered what he had told her: "Close your eyes." Evelyn wanted to tell Bianca, but she didn't think that now was the right time. For now she would keep this secret to herself. "Evelyn?" Evelyn repositioned herself on the bed and then said, "Oh!...Umm. This all seems like a dream. Does it not?" Bianca nodded a little. "Yeah. Seems like it. We're probably dreaming or something." Bianca half joked. Evelyn smiled to herself. "Well...This is some vivid dream I'll say." "Oh! I saw you with that Spot Conlon guy today. He looks a lot like...you know who..." Evelyn nodded slowly, but then suddenly blushed. "Wait? What? You saw me?" Bianca laughed a little. "Yeah. It was cute. Do you like him? I mean...He does looked like-" "Scott." Evelyn said, finishing Bianca's sentence. Bianca nodded. "Yeah. So...Do you like him?" Evelyn sighed. "I don't know yet...He's a completely different person." Bianca nodded and laid back down, taking up her book and continuing to read. "That's true. Still...It makes you wonder. Doesn't it?" Evelyn said nothing. Instead she laid back down and picked up her book just as Bianca had done. As she read, a sentence caught her eyes: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Evelyn smiled a little to herself and a small part of her hoped that this was not a dream. She wanted it all to be real. She wanted Spot Conlon to be real and she wanted to see him again. Chapter 5: Sweet dreams are made of these Those moments that may feel like nothing are Treasures worth more than jewels Let this moment be enveloped in soft sunlight And be protected for always Evelyn awoke late into the night. The moonlight was being covered up by clouds so it was hard to see. She could Bianca light breaths as she slept and knew then that her friend was sound to sleep. Something then caught her attention. A bright light shown through from the hallway and into the bedroom from underneath the door. Evelyn removed her covers and dangled her feet over her bed. She yawned and stretched. Was someone out in the hallway? She wondered this. The floor board beneath her feet creaked when she stood up from her bed. She stopped for a moment, worried that she would wake Bianca, but Bianca did not stir. Not even for a moment. So Evelyn continued on and walked up to the door. The light coming from the other side was awfully bright. Was one of the oil lamps acting up? She thought to herself. She placed her hand on the door knob and opened up the door, expecting to see the old familiar hallway of the O'Brian's, but instead she saw a long hallway of a hospital. The lights were dim yet bright enough to see everything. She looked back at the sleeping Bianca and then back to the hospital hallway. She walked out and closed the door quietly behind her. She saw wheel chairs and empty gurneys. Some were tipped over and others sat right side up. She looked to her right and saw a desk. Papers were scattered everywhere and the phone beeped for behind off the hook for long. All of a sudden wheel chair rolled out from a room. Curious, Evelyn went to see what was in the room. There she was Bianca lying in her hospital bed. Her right arm was in a cast. Her eyes had cloth wrapped around them and her left leg was in a cast as well. Evelyn walked up to her friend and placed a hand on her good arm. "I'm so sorry." Tears formed her eyes, but she held them back, thinking that she had to be strong. Bianca breathed at a steady pace. She seemed to be healing up well. Not being able to take much more of looking down at her helpless friend, Evelyn left the room. She walked past a few more until she someone familiar. Staring into the room from the hallway, Evelyn looked at herself. A hand raised her mouth. Her breath had been taken away for a few seconds. She walked into the room and stood at the foot of the bed, looking down at herself. Both of her legs were in casts. Her right arm was too. And a few bandages were placed on her chin and forehead. She walked up closer to herself and touched her lips. Evelyn suddenly felt that touch on her very own lips. She gasped at the touch. Her hands were cold and clammy feeling. Evelyn then heard a loud banging sound and looked to a window that was open. Thunder sounded throughout the building. It seemed to echo, but then a certain sight caught her eyes. Evelyn walked to the open window and climbed out, leaving her other self behind. It was pouring outside, but she didn't seem to be effected by the rain. There in front of her was her old school. It instantly brought back bad memories. She reluctantly walked toward the building and soon stood in front of the entrance. Evelyn stared up at the stairs that led to the front doors of the schools. She took her first step to the doors and within a few seconds she pushed opened the doors. Papers, back packs, and other school materials laid scattered about the hallway. Lockers were wide open and a chilling wind made some of them lap open and shut and some papers flew about. The lights flickered on and off, making it difficult to see much of anything. Suddenly she heard the inner com beep. The sound was scratchy. She wasn't sure if it was mechanical problem if the person had a serious sore throat problem. Whatever the sound was she decided to follow it. It was coming from the information room. She peered her head through the door and saw nothing and the scratching beeping sound soon stopped. From the corner of her eye she saw a few people run down a hallway. "Stop!" she called out and ran after whoever it was. She found herself soon stopping at the sound of a gunshot. She stood there stiff. What she saw was like reliving a nightmare. Scott was on the floor and she saw herself turn back and help him up. The shooter stood only a few feet away from her, their back facing her. They weren't too tall. A black T-shirt, jeans, and short curly black hair and pale skin. The boy started to move toward her other self and Scott. Evelyn ran up to him, ready to grab on to him. She flung herself at him and she went right through his body. She turned around fast and looked at the pursuer. She eyes gapped open. She had seen this boy before. She remembered seeing him in the hall, the library, the lunch room, sitting in a corning by himself with only his tray of food to comfort him. She had thought countless of times to ask the kid to come sit with her and her friends, but she heard from so many people about how weird he was so she never built up the courage to ask him. She didn't even know the kids name. Evelyn got up and followed him to the door where Evelyn had hidden her and Scott. The boy banged on the door. Evelyn looked at him as he did this. Rage and pity grew heavy inside her. "I hate you!" she yelled quite suddenly. She wanted to hit him, to throw him to the floor and start kicking him. She wanted to beat him for taking Scott away from her. "I hate you so much!" she yelled again. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Within a blink of an eye she was outside again. She stood in the middle of a graveyard. It was still raining. She looked to her left and then to her right and saw a group of people crowded around a casket. She walked up the funeral and saw Scott lying inside. His family and friends surrounded him. It was then when she started cry. She couldn't hold it back any longer. She let her tears stream down her face. Scott lay still in his casket. His face was pale. His hair was neatly cleaned and brushed. He was wearing his favorite outfit: A navy blue sweater, blue pressed jeans and with no doubt he was wearing his black and white striped shirt underneath. "I'm so sorry, Scott." She said quietly. "Please...forgive me." She sobbed and sobbed. She held on to the edge of the casket, afraid to let go, afraid that if she did she would fall and wouldn't be able to pull herself back up again. "I loved you Scott! I still love you! I miss you! Please, come back! I don't want to don't want to do this anymore! I'm sorry!" But Scott would not wake up. He really was gone, even in her dreams, Scott was gone. Suddenly she screamed, unable to take the pain. She cursed herself, the world, the boy who did this, God. She cursed everything. She placed her cold hands on to Scott's face. They were soft yet the rest of his body was hard. She kissed his cold, dead lips. She let them linger there for a moment. Her eyes closed, and tears falling onto Scott's face. When she opened her eyes she was looking down at the ground. Her palms pressed down on the wet grass. She looked up and saw Spot. His hair was wet, his wet shirt sticking to his chest. Where she was now in her dream she knew not. She stared up at Spot, a slight smile across his face. Suddenly he dropped to his knees. Evelyn felt her body go stiff as he brought her into a warm embrace. His body was warm. She slowly lifted up her arms and placed them on to his back, feeling heat radiate off his back. He was really warm and she suddenly wanted to be tangled up with him. "There is nothing to forgive." He told her in his Irish accent. She buried her face into his neck. "There was nothing you could do. You did the best that you could and that right there is more than enough." Evelyn suddenly awoke, safe and warm in her bed again. The morning light had just came out. She looked out her window, seeing water droplets slid down the window. It rained last night. She was dreaming. That much was clear, but it felt so real. Suddenly her gaze turned toward her friend. Bianca was still asleep. It must have been pretty early. Evelyn looked back out her window when she heard the voices of men laughing and talking. They started to get back to work on the greenhouse. Soon she saw Spot. He carried with him and some more wood. He placed them down next to some men who were already getting started on putting things together. Spot turned around, looking up at the sky and then saw Evelyn sitting by her window. He tipped his hat again and then waved to her with a broad smile on his face. She smiled and returned the wave. Perhaps today will be a good day, she thought to herself. Chapter 6: No place like home. Even though those days May be imprisoned in darkness I'm believing in you Even though it may be unforgivable Evelyn and Bianca had been living in the O'Brian house for two weeks now. The two girls were walking home on Thursday after school. Abigail was not with them though. After a week of walking the girls to school back and forth it was high time that Abigail attend to her other chores around the house. The girls were ok with that though. They knew their way well enough now and if they stuck together there would be no problem. Evelyn suddenly stopped in her tracks. Bianca, who was talking in mid-sentence, stopped and turned back to look at her friend, "Evelyn?" she said. Evelyn looked up and at her friend. "What?" Bianca raised a brow. "Are you feeling ok?" Evelyn slowly nodded. "Never better." Bianca smirked a little. "Somehow I don't believe you, Evelyn." She walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You've got something on your mind, don't you?" Again, Evelyn slowly nodded. "I'm going to run." She finally said. Bianca looked at her wide-eyed. "WHAT?" "I'm going to go find my old street!" a burst of energy seemed to fill her. "Evelyn…You can't be serious." "Oh, but I am." And like that Evelyn took off. "WAIT!" Bianca called out while running after her friend. After catching up to Evelyn who was still running and dodging the traffic of people, Bianca said, "Evelyn...That's too far! It's all the way down on Rutland Road!" "I know that!" said Evelyn, still running down the streets of Brooklyn. "And?" she added. Bianca rolled her eyes. "That's too far away from the O'Brian's house. I mean, what if something was to happen?" "Nothing will happen. I know where I'm going. I just want to see my old house is all." Bianca gave up fighting with her friend and followed her the rest of the way down to Rutland Road. Evelyn and Bianca finally stopped running. They breathed hard to catch their breath. When Evelyn looked up she smiled as she saw an old familiar building. "We made it!" she said, still a little out of breath. The two girls stood side-by-side, looking up at Evelyn's home. The apartment she used to live in just weeks before. "Ok," said Bianca. "You've seen it now let's go. Let's go before were gone for too long." Evelyn waved a hand in her face. "Oh please, Bianca. Let's soak in the moment. If you want to, you can go back, but I'm going to stay here for a while." "And do what? Look at it? Listen, Evelyn, you just said you wanted to come see it. And now you have seen it, so let's go back." Evelyn shook her head. "No. Not yet." She started to walk up the steps but Bianca grabbed her wrist. Evelyn didn't even look back; she yanked her hand back and kept walking up the steps until she stood in front of the door. She took in a deep breath and slowly let it out; she placed her hands on the handle and twisted it. The darn thing still squeaked. Evelyn ignored Bianca's words and walked right in. A slight gush of musty air blew into her face. Yep, she thought. It still has its same old smell. She smiled to herself as she stood inside the building. She could hear the family's in their homes. Bianca then finally opened the door and stood close behind her friend. "Evelyn…I'm worried that the others will start looking for us. If that happens who knows how much trouble we will be in." she whispered quietly. "Oh don't be such a worry wart." Evelyn told her. She then started to walk up the next flight of stairs, heading towards her old apartment. When she finally saw it a big smile spread across her face, but soon that smile went away. She wanted to open that door. She wanted to burst into the apartment and say, "Mom I'm home!" but someone else came out yelling instead. It was a woman in her mid-thirties. Evelyn could tell that the woman was Irish just by hearing her yell in her thick accent. When the woman finally stopped yelling over at the other apartment door and saw Evelyn standing there she said, "You'se goily aint from 'round heah are ye? What ya's doin' heah? Go on now. Git!" Evelyn was taken aback by the woman's attitude. "I'll have you know, miss, that your apartment used to be mine." She tried to stay calm and collected. The woman's bright red hair seemed to stick out even more now. "Oh ya? How’s long ago lil missy?" Evelyn thought for a moment. "Uhm…Not that long ago." "Ah. Ya really mus' be crazy." "I beg your pardon?" Evelyn said, feeling even more insulted. The lady bumped up her chest more and said, "I'se been livin' heah with me family for years now. Don' know what you'se talkin' 'bout." Evelyn shook her head. "Oh…well then…Never mind." The woman laughed a little, but it wasn't made out to be a mean laugh. "Hey goily, what's your name?" "Evelyn Connealy." She said. The woman shot Evelyn a bright smile. "Ah. So you'se an Irish goil. Ya certainly don' sound like one." Evelyn shrugged. "I'm not from Ireland, if that's what you're wondering." "Where ya from den?" "I'm from here. Brooklyn." The woman nodded. "Well, miss Evelyn, why such a pretty young goil like ye self doin' in these parts of Brooklyn, besides finding ya old home?" Before Evelyn could answer, Bianca showed up right behind her. "Ah," said the Irish woman. "Dis your friend, Evelyn?" Evelyn nodded. "Yeah. Her name is Bianca." The woman nodded back. "Nice to meet you'se both goils. Me name is Mary. Mary Conlon." For a moment Evelyn's heart stopped. "Did you say Conlon?" she finally spoke. "I'se sure did missy. Why?" "Oh…Never mind. It's nothing, really." Bianca then took hold of Evelyn's hand. "Let's go, Evelyn." She said quietly. Evelyn slowly nodded and started to turn away but then looked back at Mary. "It was nice meeting you, Mary. Goodbye." Mary waved them off and the two girls headed out the building. Bianca suddenly stopped after hurrying back to the O'Brian's house. "What's wrong, Bianca?" Evelyn asked. "Look around you. Does this place seem familiar?" she asked. Evelyn laughed a little. Of course every place that Evelyn went looked familiar. She had grown up in Brooklyn after all. Bianca sighed. "Train tracks, Evelyn." Evelyn formed her mouth into a big 'O' and suddenly realized where she was standing. "Over there," Bianca pointed. "Is where the car must have stopped sliding...I think so anyway." The two girls stared where Bianca was pointing. "In the next hundred some years you'll just about kill the both of us." the girls laughed a little, but soon their laughs subsided and went to awkward silence. "Yeah." said Evelyn. "It feels so strange standing here now, knowing what's to come." Bianca and Evelyn held each other's hands walked the rest of the way back to the O'Brian's in silence. Chapter 7: Mixed feelings Please stay shining Stay and smile here for always Evelyn jumbled around in her bag, trying to find her Romeo and Juliet book. The darn thing was nowhere. Suddenly she stopped, Bianca stopping a few pases after her. "What is it this time?" She asked. "My book. I left it in the classroom. We have to go back and get it." Bianca rolled her eyes. "No you don't just use mine." Evelyn stood there, looking stuborn. "Is your book THAT important to you?" Evelyn nodded. Bianca sighed. "Alright. Let's head back." The girls headed back to the school and Bianca stopped at the front door. "What are you doing?" asked Evelyn. "It's a decent day out so I think I'll wait out here for you." Evelyn shrugged her shoulders as in "Oh well." and headed inside. The school was so quiet it was almost creepy. It was a good thing the school had lots of windows so light could come in otherwise it would look haunted. Evelyn pushed opened the door to her class room and stopped for she saw a teary-eyed Miss. Thorn suddenly stand up and walk over to her board. "Forget something?" she said in her snooty voice. Evelyn cleared her throat and walked over to her desk. There she saw her book sitting right on top of her desk. She picked it up and placed it in her bag. Evelyn looked up at her teacher and saw that she was still facing the black board. She felt like she should say something, but couldn't find the right words so she headed right to the door way and stopped. She looked back again, seeing that Miss. Thorn was still writing on the black board. Evelyn turned around and headed out to the hallway. As Bianca waited for Evelyn to return, she looked up at the sky. It was still it grey merky color and the city was still bustling with people. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds, pretending she was back in her own time. Back at home. Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of a boys voice. Bianca shot her eyes open and looked down at the bottom of the steps. There she saw Thomas Higgins or better known as Racetrack. She smiled. "Hey Thomas!" Racetrack smirked. "Please miss. Call me Racetrack...or Race. Thomas is what my ol' granny calls me." Bianca chuckled and nodded. Racetrack then stuffed his papes under his right pit and stuffed his hands in his pocket. "So why ya jus' standin' 'round heah for?" he asked. Before Bianca could reply, Evelyn came walking out the door. "Oh! Hi, Thomas." "Call me Racetrack." "Or Race," said Bianca. Racetrack grinned at her comment. "You ready to head back now?" Bianca asked. Evelyn nodded. "Ya two min' if I'se come walkin' 'round with ya's. I'se could sells my papes on the way." The two girls looked at each other and then nodded at Racetrack. On their way back, Racetrack shouted out headlines. Mainly false once or ones that only spoke half the truth. As they walked closer to the O'Brains house the ever distant sounds of boys shouting became louder. "What's that sound? Is there a fight going on?" Bianca asked. And just as they turned the corner, there they saw a bunch of Newsies piled together in a big heeping mess of a fight. "Plug Uglies..." Racetrack gulped. "Plug what?" said Evelyn. "Plug Uglies. They be oldeh boys or old time newsie boys comin' to soak us younger newsie boys. They steal our money and take our papes. Happened to me few days ago. Got fourteen cents taken from me." "Is that all you made?" Bianca asked. Racetrack shook his head. "Nah. My sis, Abby. She 'em get me and ran oveh to help me out." The two girls thought then. It now made sense to them as to why Abigale was gone the day she was. Must have gotten beat up by the Plug Uglies herself while trying to protect her little brother. "Did they stop when she came over?" Asked Evelyn. Racetrack shook his head again. "They got her too. They only stop cause a cop came by and yelled at 'em. Which was surprising. Mos' cops wont do a damn thing 'bout nothin'." Suddenly the crowd of Newises and Plug Uglies started to disapate as the whistle of a cop came strolling by. The fight was probably stopped because there were so many fighting, not that they cared about anyone getting hurt. When just a few were left standing there, rooting for the boys fighting on the ground, Evelyn, Bianca and even Racetrack walked a little bit closer to get a better look at the two fighters in the ground. The person on top was throwing punch after punch at what looked like an older boy. A Plug Ugly perhaps? But then again the boy on top of him, soaking his very brains out with a single fist while the other held his shirt, looked like an older boy too. When he finished his final blow, the Plug Ugly fell flat and still on the dirty street. The older boy who had won the fight stood up and spat on the Plug Ugly. The newsie boys cheered him on while the Plug Uglies draged their friend away. There was something very odd though about this fellow as Evelyn continued to stare at his back. His dirty blonde hair messy from the fight. His hat stuffed in his back pocket and pink suspenders. He turned around and walked up to a young newsie boy, maybe ten years old, and plopped what seemed to be change in his hand and patted the little head. The little boy smiled up at his and placed his newsie hat back on top of his head. "Is that..." Bianca started. "Spot Conlon!" shouted Racetrack. Spot looked up and saw Racetrack and waved. His face smudged with dirt and a few blood splatters on his shirt. Probably from the Plug Ugly. Evelyn grew disgusted and turned away. Of course he was only helping out the newsies, but the sight of him beating that Plug Ugly up...just the way he took him down...It scared her. "E-Evelyn? Where are you going?" Bianca called out to her friend. "Sorry, Race. Gotta go!" she gave Racetrack a small peck on the cheek and headed after her friend. "Evelyn? What's wrong?" Bianca placed a hand on Evelyn shoulder and turned her around. They stood just outside the O'Brians house. "Did you not see him? That fight?" said Evelyn. "You mean...the way Spot beat the ever living crap outa that Plug...Plug-whatever-you-call-them?" Evelyn nodded. Bianca rolled her eyes. "Oh please! This is New York City, Evelyn! 1899 New York City! This is not the New York City you used to know and love." Evelyn hung her head. "I know...I just...It scared me when I saw the way Spot pounded that...that boy." Bianca placed her hands on her hips and sighed. "Spot was doing it to protect those young Newsie boys. You should be thrilled that Spot can kick some ass!" Bianca nudged Evelyn in the shoulder. "At least you know your future man will be able to protect you." Bianca laughed and Evelyn's face turned beat red. "Stop it!" Evelyn put her head down again, her face getting ever redder and pressing her lips together so she wouldn't start smiling. Bianca continued to laugh at her. "C'mon! Let's head inside." The two friends locked arms and headed inside. There they saw decorations being put up. "What's the ocation?" asked Bianca to a nearby maid. The maid got a big smile on her face and said, "It's the lovely couples 30th annerversery." she giggled. "They are throwing a party tonight. You best be ready for a full house." the maid then went right back to work and the girls looked at each other. "Thirty years?!" Bianca whispered loudly. "That's crazy!" whispered Evelyn just as loud. The girls walked up to their room and placed their school bag on their beds. "What should we wear?" Evelyn said. Bianca went right to the closet and swung it open fast. She looked back at Evelyn and said, "I got this." and started going through the dresses. Within ten minutes, Bianca had both her and Evelyn's dresses picked out. Evelyn stared down at the pink dress on her bed. It's little white frills at the bottom and white shiny beads on the boosom. "You want me to wear this God forsaken thing?" she said to Bianca. Bianca giggled. "Oh c'mon! You'll look so CUTE in it. Besides I have a great idea on how to style your hair. It's not everday girls like us get to dress up like this. "Live it up, Evelyn!" Just then a nocked came to the door and Mrs. O'Brian came walking in. Seeing the dresses on the beds she smiled. "I'se guess ya both heard the news." the girls nodded. Sybelle pratically squeeled and clasped her hands together. "Oh good. You two best get ready fast then. Wash yer faces up good and pretty ya selves up. Tonight is going to be very busy." she then walked out of the room, leaving the girls to their dressing. Evelyn and Bianca looked at each other and started giggling. "If I ever get that excited about a thirty-year-old marriage party, slap me!" said Bianca, falling back on her bed and holding her stomach from all the giggling she was doing. Evelyn lightly tapped Bianca face and laughed even more. "Sure thing," she said. After they stopped laughing so much the girls regained their composure and started getting ready for the dance. Evelyn relunctantly put on the pink dress and swished around, trying to get used to it. "See? You look adorable!" said Bianca. Evelyn's face went red again. "Here, sit down. I'll do your hair." Evelyn sat down in front of the mirror and watched at Bianca brushed through her hair. After a moment of silence, Evelyn looked down at her hands and sighed. "Bianca...if there was or is...any chance of us going back home...Would you go back?" Bianca stopped brushing for a second and grabbed some hair pieces and then went back to brushing. "I suppose so. I mean...theres no one or anything stopping me from leaving." "Well what if your only chance to go back was to leave right now?" Bianca stopped brushing again and thought for a moment. "Where is this all coming from, Evelyn? What's on your mind?" Evelyn twiddled with her fingers. "Well...Let's just say I have grown attached to the people here." Bianca looked at Evelyn in the reflection of the mirror. "Don't tell me...You've fallen for that Conlon dude, haven't you?" Evelyn sighed. "I can't help myself, Bianca. We looks so much like Scott. So much so it's kind of crazy. I can't stop thinking about him. Even if he scared me earlier today with that fight I still have feelings for him. "Evelyn," Bianca said. "Just because he looks like Scott, doesn't mean that he is. They are TWO completely DIFFERENT people from TWO completely DIFFERENT times." Bianca finished putting up Evelyn's hair by twisting it into a bun and placeing a hair pick to stick the bun place. "There that should do it." Evelyn looked back at Bianca said. "Your right. I shouldn't be falling head over heals for him so quickly." Bianca smiled. "Just be careful, Evelyn. Now...do my hair." The friends switched places and went back to no talking and all hair. Later that night Evelyn sat in a chair in the living room, gazing out at all of the peopl who came to the party. Most of them were older folk while a small sort of them were small children. Music played in the background and the sound of people laughing and talking filled the whole house. Evelyn could hardly hear herself think so she stood up fast, her dress swaying with her every movement, she headed out the room to find a quieter place. Bianca had left with Mrs. O'Brian to tend to some cookies they were baking. As Evelyn passed the halls she looked up at the pictures, not taking notice to who she was about to run into. THUMP! "Ouch!" Evelyn stumbled back a few feet, rubbing her head and then looked up at none other Spot Conlon. "Oh...Sorry." she tried passing by him after that, but he caught her arm and pulled her back in front of him. "Evelyn?" he said. Oh his voice made Evelyn weak in the knees. She loved hearing his voice, but then she thought of what Bianca told her and she got some strength back in her legs. "Yes?" she said. "Look uh...Listen...I'se saw ya earlieh today when I'se was soakin' that Plug Uglie. I'se saw the look on ya face. You'se was scared, weren't you?" Evelyn slowly nodded, putting her head down, afriad to look up at Spot. Spot then placed a finger under her chin and her face up to look at him. "Of me?" he then said. Evelyn looked into his bright green eyes and felt herself growing more attached to him. Finally she nodded. Spot took a step back, leaned against the wall and sighed. "Well...I'se awfully sorry 'bout that. Don't want ya to be scared of me. Especially not you." Evelyn was about ready to say something, but a group of people walked back, laughing and giggling. "Hurry!" one of them cried. "Were all going to dance outside in the back yard!" Evelyn and Spot glanced at each other and then headed outside like all the others. There the music was getting set up and people started to get in groups, still talking and laughing, some tapping their feet and the younger kids holding hands and going 'round in circles. Spot stood right behind Evelyn. He looked down her, wanted desperatly to ask her to dance, but to nervous to say anything to her he missed his chance when Charles Vanham walked up to her, grabbed her hand, kissed it and smiled. Spot wanted to punch himself in the leg for letting that jerk get to her first and he wanted to punch charles even more. The may have worked somewhat together at the Union, but that didn't mean they got along. Spot and Charles had always butted head. They thought about things different. Not to mention, Chalres loved kissing ass just so he could be the bosses pet, whereas Spot worked his butt off trying to make a living and work his way up in life the hard way. It had always been that way. "Care to dance?" said Charles. Evelyn looked to her left and then her right and then nodded. Charles took Evelyn out further into the yard and started to dance with her. Spot watched from the porch with envy. Evelyn was shy at first. She didn't know how these people danced. "What's the matter?" asked Charles. "Don't dance." Evelyn cocked her head to the side. "Eeeeh...Not like this." Charles laughed and took her hands, spinning her 'round and 'round. Suddenly she stopped and Charles tipped her over and then brought he back up, spun her around again and lifted her into the air. Evelyn squeeled. Not from excitement, but from surprise. When the song was over with Charles took her hand again and kissed it. Evelyn had to admit. This guy was charming. Just then a hand was placed on Charles shoulder. Charles turned around and saw Spot standng behind him. "Ah. Mr. Conlon. Fancy meeting you here." Spot ignored Charles and walked right up to Evelyn. "May I have this dance?" he asked. Evelyn blushed and nodded. Charles stepped away trying not to show his irritance by Spot and went off to find someone else to dance with. As the soft music started to play, Spot placed his hand on Evelyn's lower back, pushed her closer to him and grabbed her hand and placed it on his shoulder. For a while they said nothing to each other. Evelyn kept her gaze on one of Spot's buttons on his shirt while Spot kept his eyes on her, wishing she would look up at him so he could see those big pretty eyes of hers. "Evelyn..." he said her name softly and quietly so that only she could hear. Evelyn looked up at him for a second and then looke back down. "I'se neveh got to heah ya answer to what I'se told ya in the hallway." "What do you want me to say?" she finally spoke to him. "Anything." he told her. He was surprised how fast he answered her and he felt his stomach flip. "Anything huh?" Evelyn said. "To be honest I was scared, but now I'm not. I understand why you did what you did." Spot nodded. "Ya do huh?" "Yeah...So I'm not scared of you...If that's what your still worried about." Evelyn looked up at Spot and he looked down her. They still danced. "Spot..." she said. "Yeah?" "...The music has stopped." Spot instantly stopped right there and let her go. "Ah...Yeah. Sorry." Just then Bianca came running up with a great big smile on her face. "Evelyn, you have to come try these cookies, Sybelle and I just made! They taste SO great!" she then stopped and turned toward Spot. Her eyes grew wide. "Ah....I see now," she giggled. "Uhmm...Just come to the kitchen when ya both get done talking." Bianca nudged Evelyn in the arm and was off. "Ouch!" Evelyn grabbed her arm and rubbed it. Spot laughed and Evelyn lightly blushed. "Hey, listen, Evelyn. How 'bout one of these nights I take you'se to a real party. One with Irish folk." "Isn't this already a party with Irish folk?" Spot leaned in a little closer to her and said, "When I'se says 'real Irish party' I don' mean these kinda ol' folk party. I'se talkin' 'bout an Irish party with folk such as our selves." Just then a small boy came running up to Spot. "Spot! Spot! You'se gotta come quick!" "What? What's wrong, Jacob?" The little boy looked tired and out of breath. "How ya get in here anyway?" Jacob shook his head. "No time to explain. Ya gotta come quick!" jacob continued to pull on Spot sleev. Spot looked back at Evelyn and said, "Sorry, Evelyn. Somethin's come up. I'se see ya some otheh time. Keep that thought in mind though." with that said, Spot was taken away by the boy named Jacob. Evelyn could help but wonder what was so wrong. Chapter 8: Into the Night Please don't cry Please listen to me Please don't be afraid, I won't do anything I'll cry with you, for you Please, don't be scared Spot Conlon was hard at work at the District Union. Handing out papers, papers, and more papers and occasionally shouting out orders. That was something Spot was good at: Shouting at people and telling them what to do (He got a lot of respect and people looked up to him...er, well, most did) It was how he got this job in the first place. He was practically running his own business, only he had bosses too. And of course there was that GOD FORSAKEN Charles Vanham. Who did he think he was anyway? Spot could hardly stand him. He only put up with him for...well, let's see...NUMEROUS reasons: One, he's a rank above him. Two, a good friend of Thomas O'Brian. Three, a 'teammate' of Mr. O'Brian's group of men, who once in a while had important discussions and four, because Charles is the one who got him this job, but that was another story. Spot hated thinking about the past. It wasn't a good one and he didn't want to remember it, but now he was in New York, getting a new chance at life. He might have loved his mother homeland, Ireland, but the things going on over there were getting just too hard. Now again, that was all in the past and Spot had his mind on other things, such a certain girl: Evelyn Connealy. An Irish girl, no doubt. "HEY! Ya day dreamin' 'bout candy land oveh there?" yelled a younger boy. Spot picked up a pencil and chucked it at the boy. "The next time I heah anotheh blubberin' woid come outa ya mouth, I'ma throw me shoe at you! Now git back t'woik!" The dark haired boy rubbed his arm where the pencil had nailed him and while trying to contain his laughter he went back to work. Later on that day, after work, Spot found himself walking down to a dock all too familiar. It was the dock where most of the Brookklyn newsie boys hung out. "Heya boys! How's it rollin'?" he hollered at the boys. Some of the boys turned their heads and greeted Spot. He walked up to one kid imparticular. "Eh, Racetrack." He spat in his hand the same as Racetrack and the shook. "Salve!" said Racetrack. Spot chuckled. "Whoa, kid, slow down; I'm Irish, not Italian." Spot then looked behind his friend and saw a face he hadn't seen yet in these parts of Brooklyn. "Race, who's dis kid?" he pointed his cane the boy. Racetrack looked behind himself and smiled. "Oh, that be my friend, Finn. Finn Reardon. He a newsie too." Spot gave one nod. "He wanted t'see the docks so I'se decided to tak 'em here t'day." Spot nodded again and then walked past Racetrack. He placed the tip of his cane on the boy called Finn and looked him right in his hazel eyes. Spot didn't say a word to the kid. His look was intimidating enough! Spot then spun back 'round to Racetrack. "Ya seen me lil brotheh anywhere?" he asked. Racetrack nodded. "Yeah. He was heah. Jus' left few minutes ago. Why? He in some trouble?" Race asked. Spot shook his head. "Nah. Jus' don' want no Plug Uglie gettin' him is all." with that, Spot left the group of Newise boys and went looking for his brother, heading in the usually direction that his little brother took home. As Spot continued on his walk home he started his way across the park only to stop soon after by catching a glimpse of a beautiful girl. The pigeons were cluttered around her as she fed them bread crumbs. Her long skirt swaying a little bit in the wind and a few strands of hair hanging at the side of her face. He stood there, staring at her for a good minute or so until she finally noticed him looking at her and she quickly looked the other way. Spot blinked hard once and shook his head when he realized that it was Evelyn that he had been staring at and began to walk up to her. "Hey, uh...Evelyn." he started out. "What ya doin' out heah. Getting pretty cold out ya know?" he scratched the back of his head. Finally Evelyn turned around. God she looked so cute! Spot just wanted to hold her close and never let her go. Feel her hair and the curve of her body and...wait. Spot shook away his thoughts and listened to what Evelyn had to say next. "Hello, Spot." Spot smiled back in return for that 'hello'. "Why were you just standing over there?" he looked past Spot's shoulder where he was standing just moments before. "I was on me way home," he answered truthfully. "Den I saw you and thought I'se say hi." Evelyn blushed. "Oh!...Well, thanks!" "So what are ya doin' heah by ya self?" Spot asked. Evelyn pointed to a store across from the park. "Mrs. O'Brian is doing some shopping. I'd thought I'd go with her." "So ya standin' out heah?" Spot was little confused. Evelyn bit the bottom of her lip and Spot noticed this. He wished he could bite those lips and...AND AGAIN he had to shake his head before his thoughts went any further. "You ok, Spot?" Evelyn asked. "Uh, what?...Yeah!...Yeah." he then saw Mrs. O'Brian making her way across the street and over to the park. "Nice chattin' with, Evelyn." He tipped his hat and walked off, but before he completely walked away he quickly stopped and turned around. "Evelyn!" he suddenly said. Evelyn turned around and waited for him to speak again. "What say you 'bout that REAL Irish party?" he asked. Evelyn grinned a little and nodded. Spot smiled back. "Great," he said. "How's 'leven 'clock sound t'night?" he asked her. At first Evelyn wasn't sure how to respond to his sudden request and Sybelle was fast approaching. It was do or don't. Now or never. Evelyn finally said yes and Spot was on his way. Later that night the cool air gave a nice breeze as he walked down the street towards the O'Brian's house. It was eleven-fifteen. The party was at eleven-thirty. Finally he came to the gate and pulled himself over it and landed cat-like on the moist grass. He made his way to the back yard and looked for Evelyn's bedroom window. He looked to his right and saw nothing to climb up on. He then looked to his left and saw a water pipe. Spot wasn't sure how well it would hold his weight but at this moment it was the best thing he could use. As he made his way up on the little side roof he lightly knocked on the window. Suddenly Evelyn's face popped out from behind the curtains and smiled a little. She quickly opened the window and Spot helped her out. She was still in the same clothes as before: A long black skirt and a white long-sleeved shirt. Her hair was still in a bun only this time no strands of hair hung lose. "Let me climb down foist," he told her. "And then you'se can jump down in me arms." Evelyn nodded. As Spot climbed down the pipe again his hands and feet slipped, making him fall the last five feet and he landed on his side. A small gasp escaped Evelyn's lips. "You alright, Spot?" she whispered loudly. Spot stood up soon after his fall, wiping off some of the dirt. He nodded. "Yeah. I'se jus' fine." "Perhaps I should find another way down?" suggested Evelyn. Spot shook his head. "Nah. Jus' jump and I'se will catch ya. Promise." Evelyn let out a heavy breath and then found herself jumping. She closed her eyes soon found herself in Spot's arms. "See? Told ya I'se catch ya." he smirked and let her down. "C'mon!" he said and led her out into the night. Chapter 9: First Kiss The cry of the summer Drowns out my voice Even a small bit is alright, please don't cry I'll forgive you, please don't cry Spot pulled Evelyn along on the empty Brooklyn streets. Their footsteps giving off soft pita-pat sounds on the stone ground. The air was a little cold, but it was bearable. "Here we are." announced Spot. They stood in front of a building called, The Green Pub. An Irish bar no doubt. Spot took Evelyn's hand again and they both went inside. Those noise quickly got louder. Music filled the air and people were all over the place. Some were drunk and merry, others were up on a small stage singing and dancing along with the music. Everyone looked like they were having the time of their life. Suddenly a drunken man bumped into Evelyn and her fingers slipped right out of Spot's reach. "Spot!" she called out. "Evelyn!" she heard Spot call out to her too. All of a sudden, the drunk man that had bumped into Evelyn was being pulled back by none other than Spot. "The hell ya doin, mate?" said Spot. "Git ya drunk ars outa heah!" with that the drunk man laughed and staggered away. Spot quickly walked up to Evelyn and locked arms with her. "Dis place can get a lil crazy sometimes, but don' worry. You'se got me heah." he gave her a reassuring grin. "Is this place usually like this?" asked Evelyn. Spot pulled out a chair for her to sit down and then grabbed a seat himself. "Yeah...Usually. Ya never git bored heah dats for soir." Spot laughed. "I'se remembeh ta foist time I'se eveh stepped foot in heah. Was one of the greatest times of me life!" A waiter then placed a pint of beer down in front of Spot. "Same as usually, Mr. Conlon." Spot nodded his head once and then took the pint and took a great big gulp. He then reached in his pocket and placed 5 cents in the waiters hand. "Thank you, sir." Spot liked being called that. He liked having getting respect from others. "You come here a lot, I can tell." said Evelyn. Spot grinned. "Sure do, goily," he then looked at Evelyn a bit more closely. "Hey uh...you'se want anything t'drink?" Evelyn thought for a moment. "Maybe just some water." Spot raised a brow. "PSHAW!" he waved a hand in his face and then waved his hand in the air and called the waiter over. "Yes, sir?" asked the waiter. "Git me friend here a pint of Irish whisky." the waiter nodded and was off. Evelyn was surprised. Did people not care how old you were to drink? "Oh...Spot...I don't think I can handle that." she told him. Spot laughed. "Soir ya can! If ya don' finish it, I will gladly take that rest." he put his hand on his chest and tried to look as humble as possible and then burst out laughing. Evelyn couldn't help but join him. Soon the waiter placed a pint of Irish whisky down in front of her. She looked down at it, unsure if she should risk it. Spot moved closer towards her. "C'mon." he said. "Just a sip." he begged her on. Evelyn took a deep breath and took the littlest sip ever. She placed it back down quickly and grimaced. Spot laughed at her. "What's so funny?" she asked him. "Ya face, mate!" he continued laughing. Evelyn felt hot and embarrassed. Maybe it was just the crowd, but she highly doubted it. She took up the pint again and took another sip, only this time it was a bigger sip. Evelyn placed the pint down hard just like the last time and grimaced again. "I'm going to get used to this damn it!" Spot looked at her with wide eyes. "Whoa! Foist time I'se ever hoid a goil like you'se curse!" He took up the whisky and handed it to Evelyn. "Heah, anotheh sip." Evelyn blushed and took a gulp this time. She had wanted to spit it out and throw up, but she forced it all to stay down. As it did she coughed and held her chest. "That's...That's really strong." she said. Spot smiled and finished his pint. He slammed it down hard and gave a satisfying 'ah'. Evelyn took another gulp and the same process happened. "I don't think I can drink it anymore." she slid the whisky over to Spot and watched him down it. Evelyn looked at him with wide eyes, unable to believe that he could do that. "How long have you been drinking, Spot?" she asked. Spot wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Well...I'm nineteen now and I'se started drinking with me pap when I'se was fourteen. So that be five years." "You started drinking at fourteen?" Evelyn could hardly believe it. Spot gave her a look as in 'so what' and sat back in his chair. "Hey, that's pretty late for a kid dat age. Some start sooner." Evelyn was afraid to ask how soon so she changed the subject. "How long you been in New York?" Spot thought for a while. "Came here when I'se was ten, so it's been 'bout nine years." "Got any siblings?" Evelyn asked. Spot nodded. "Two. Little sis and brotheh. Noah, she jus' turned five and Luke, he's twelve." "I wish I had siblings." said Evelyn. "Ya mean...you and that blonde goil aren’t sisteh's?" Evelyn shook her head. "No. Were best friends." Spot nodded. "Interesting. So's tell me 'bout you and ya family." Evelyn rested her elbow on the table and then leaned her head on her fist. "Not much to say. They aint around anymore." Spot made a big 'O' with his mouth. "But that's ok. I've gotten used to it. I used to live on Rutland street and-" before she could finish, Spot cut her off. "Wait. Hold one second. You'se said dat ya used to live on Rutland street?" Evelyn nodded. "I live there right now! Say, how long ya live there?" "Few years, I guess." she answered him. Spot looked at her in disbelief. "Nah! Git out heah! I'se would have noticed a pretty little face like you'se runnin' 'round." Spot realized what he said and shut up right away. Evelyn just blushed. She wished she could tell me, but that would be a major mistake. She then started to think about Scott and her heart started to pound. Suddenly she got a great idea to break the awkward silence. "Do you want to dance?" she asked him. Spot looked over at her and said, "What?" Evelyn stood up and started to pull on Spot's collar. "C'mon. Am I going to have dance all my myself?" Spot then got up and followed her further out on to the floor. The music was louder now and more merry people began to sing and dance. Evelyn jumped up and down a little to the motion of the music like a few others did, and Spot lightly tapped his feet on the floor. "Oh come on, Spot. Ya can't tell me that you, an Irish boy, doesn't know how to dance." Spot shook his head. "Neveh said I couldn't." and just like that the music skipped to a whole new beat and Spot picked up his feet higher off the ground. Tapped the floor harder and faster and once in a while spun around. "C'mon, goily, you try this out." Evelyn tried to copy his moves and was having a hard time doing so. I think the whisky is getting to my head, thought Evelyn. She tried doing it again and ended up tripping over her own feet and fell flat on her bum. Spot burst out laughing and then and then helped her up. As the two giggled together about dancing Spot looked out and over the crowd and saw a familiar face walk in the door. Evelyn saw the sudden look of seriousness that came upon Spot's face and asked. "What's wrong, Spot?" "It's Charles. Charles Vanham. If he sees the two of togetheh, we'se will both be in for it by Mr. O'Brian. I betteh get ya back home." "What?" said Evelyn. "We haven't been here for that long though. I'm sure he won’t see us." Evelyn begged to stay. She was having such a great time. "No," said Spot. "We'se can always come back." He took her hand then and the two sneaked out without Charles seeing them. When the two got outside, the cool air sent chills on their arms from the sudden temperature change. Spot still held on to Evelyn's hand and led her on home. They couldn't help but laugh and giggle. Part of the reason for that was because of the whisky and beer. Evelyn ocasionally stumbled over her own feet and started laughing even harder while she got her skirt and shirt all dirty. Spot on the other hand had a better control over himself and helped her up and laughed at her clumsiness. As a horse and carriage approached Spot pushed Evelyn into an alley to get out of the way. Evelyn leaned against the wall with Spot standing far too close beside her. Spot looked down at her and she looked up. The laughed quietly together. Suddenly, Evelyn felt Spot's hot lips on hers. His body pressed hard up against hers. He held her hands and licked her lips for entrance. Slowly she opened and Spot trailed his tongue in her mouth. She could lightly taste the whisky and beer, but she didn't mind. Spot then moved his hands behind her back, pressed her closer to him, deepening the kiss. Evelyn reached her arms up and around Spot's shoulders. She closed her eyes and imagined being kissed for the first time all over again. Suddenly, Spot stopped and pulled back from her. He looked at her for a moment and then he looked towards the street. "Sorry," he said. "Should have neveh done that." Evelyn was confused. She enjoyed the kiss. Did Spot not like it? This was worrying her. "Spot?...Was it me?" she asked. Spot looked at her like she was crazy or something a laughed a little. He then got serious again. "No. It was me. Now let's git ya home..." with that Spot took her hand and led her the rest of the way home without saying a word. Chapter Ten: Secrets The cicadas say it's too late But I still reach out to you Please believe in me I want to say, "You don't have to cry anymore" Evelyn awoke suddenly with a pillow hitting her in the face. "Ouch!" "Get up!" it was Bianca. Evelyn peered her eyes open to look up at her friend for but a moment and then closed them again and rested her head on her pillow. "I know you were out last night. Tell me why and who you were with." she demanded. Evelyn moaned. "I wasn't out..." she lied. "Horse shit!" hissed Bianca. "Don't lie to me. If you don't tell me the truth I'll be forced to get Mr. and Mrs. O'Brian involved in this." Evelyn slowly sat up and noticed that she was still in her close from the other day. Her boots had bits and pieces of dried mud on them and the rest had fallen either on the floor at the foot of the bed or scattered on her clean sheets. Evelyn looked up at Bianca. Her friend waited for an answer. She rubbed her head. It hurt from all the loud music, smoke and running around from last night. "I...went to an Irish party." she said. "With who?" barked Bianca, demanding more and more information out of her friend. "With...With Spot Conlon." Bianca gasped and smacked Evelyn with her pillow again. "Stop hitting me!" said Evelyn. "I can't believe you!" said Bianca. "You’re going to get yourself in big trouble one of these days. That Conlon is BAD news! Stay away from him. He may remind you of you-know-who, but I don't trust him and neither should you!" Bianca tossed her pillow back on to her bed and walked to the door. "You best hurry up and get some fresh clothes on. We have school in an hour." she shut the door behind her and Evelyn flinched at the sound of it. She sighed and laid back down on her bed, dreading having to get up. What was she thinking? Staying up late on a school night? But she had wanted to desperately to see Spot. And to think that Bianca, her best friend, told her to stop trusting him because she didn't was unthinkable! Evelyn found herself in a tight corner and she was too tired to try and figure her way out of it. As Evelyn was just about ready to finish up her breakfast she placed one of her pancakes into a napkin. She had decided to pick up some papers and not only give the newsie a penny, but some food while she was at it. It wasn't uncommon to NOT run into a newsie on the way to school. Evelyn considered herself very lucky to have a roof over her head, food in her belly and the opportunity to attend school. Bianca and Evelyn were moving up well in education. If they were to do well with all of their testing by the end of the week, her and Bianca would move up as Juniors. Everything worked differently. In some ways it was better and other ways it was well...hard. When Evelyn and Bianca picked up their bags and headed outside, Bianca immediately bomb-barded Evelyn with questions. "You have to tell me everything!" she said first. "About what?" Evelyn said, hoping her friend would let it go. "About your night with Mr. Spotty Conlon! I may not be very FOND of what you did, but I'd still like to know." Evelyn looked over at Bianca and raised a brow. "Spotty?" she said. Bianca laughed. "Go on! Tell me! I'll just keep bugging you if you don't." she gave Evelyn a smile of pure cockiness. Evelyn rolled her eyes and dropped her shoulders. "Oh alright. It started out when Spot asked me if I wanted to see a REAL Irish party. I told him yes, I snuck out, danced, watched him and everyone else though mostly and then we went home." Evelyn looked to her friend and finished. "That's it?" Bianca looked at her stupidly. "C'mon! That can't be ALL that happened." "Well...Spot drank a little bit." Bianca rolled her eyes. "Oh jeez! Spot sounds REALLY boring! Come on! He can't be as bad as you make him out to be. You're not telling me everything are you?" "Well," started Evelyn. "We ended up leaving early because we saw Charles Vanham there. Spot didn't want me getting caught so we ended up leaving early." "And...?" Bianca pressed on. "And that's it." said Evelyn. "No great kissy time?" asked Bianca. Evelyn blushed. "Shh! No!" she lied. She had to. She didn't feel like telling Bianca THAT much already. Besides, Spot ended up acting really weird after that and just wanted to forget that kiss ever happened. But damn was that kiss good. She hadn't been kissed like that ever before. Did guys from way-back-when have a knack for kissing? Evelyn smiled to herself at the thought. Nah. She thought. I must just be kissed deprived or something silly like that, she told herself. Just then a newsie boy bumped his way into Evelyn, shouting out the headline. Evelyn looked around in her dress pocket for a penny and handed it to the boy. He then gave her paper and was about ready to head off but Evelyn called out to the boy and he turned back around. She took out her pancake from her bag and out of the cloth napkin and handed it to him. The boys face lit up like she had just given him some gold. The boy smiled, tipped his hat, said thank you before taking the food and walked off happily with both food and money in his hand. Evelyn felt pretty good about herself and didn't notice Bianca staring at her. "What was that all about?" asked Bianca. "Now your handing out free food?" Evenly only smiled and continued on walking to school. Spot sat in his chair reading a paper. Working at the District Work Center sure beat selling papes. Most of the time Spot found himself either doing paper work, working on projects, yelling at people to do their own projects or taking errands for Mr. O'Brian or Charles. He cringed at the thought of him and put his paper down. He took off his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. Just then two hands slammed down on the table he was at and startled him a bit. "Jessus!" he said. "The hells ya do that for?" he complained. When he saw who it was he grew even more annoyed. "Well if it aint Mr. Vanham himself." "I've been trying to find you all morning. I have something to talk to you about." Spot sighed. Annoyed and just completely irritated. "Can it wait?" he said. Charles raised a brow and placed his hands on his hips. "Don't speak to me so 'lightly' Mr. Conlon. And no, it cannot wait." "Ah right fine. What you got t'say?" Charles sat himself down and began talking. "I saw you last night," he started. "With that Connealy girl, Miss. Evelyn. I advise you to stay away from her." "Jealious?" asked Spot. Charles glared at Spot. "She's just a girl, Spot. I don't want you going and ruining her." Spot glared back. "The hells dat suppose t'mean eh?" now he was just pissed off all together. "Just be careful, Spot. I won’t tell on you because then that means I'll be telling on Miss. Evelyn, and I don't want her getting in trouble for your stupidity." he rose from his chair and walked away from Spot and out of his sights. Spot let out a sigh of relief, glad that that conversation was over and done with. But in a way, Charles was right. Evelyn was a nice girl, but all Spot wanted was to show the poor girl what a real party was. He never meant for this to happen. He never meant to...kiss her. He would have to stay away from the O’Brian’s house then for a while until he got rid of the thought of wanting to kiss Evelyn again. In a small way, Charles was right: Evelyn is a nice girl being brought up by good people and he...he was poor and always living on the edge. He was busy supporting his family. He didn't have time to be chasing skirts like he did in his younger teens. He was almost twenty and his mother was already nagging him about finding a wife and having lots of babies. Spot completely ignored her on that subject and usually left the apartments whenever she brought it up. For now, Spot had his work cut out for him and it liked it that way. While sitting at her desk and writing on her black board with white chalk, Evelyn raised her hand for Mrs. Thorn to come over. Just as she did, Mrs. Thorn stood up from her desk and briskly walked over to Evelyn's side and checked all her answers. "Very well," said Mrs. Thorn. "You are free for the rest of the morning. Continue on with your reading until the rest of the class is done." she walked back over to her desk sat down, picking up her book she was reading just moments before. Evelyn flipped open her book of Romeo and Juliet. She was to the part Murcutio was just about to be killed by Tibalts blade. That part was so moving in the movie, but reading the part in the book moved her emotions even more. She felt for Murcutio. She knew what it was like to have such a dear friend. Evelyn then peaked a glance to Bianca who was done with all of her morning studies and reading the same book too. She was further in it though and looked just as sucked into it as Evelyn herself. She then went back to reading, remember the place and the setting and wishing that she could tell Bianca that her liking Spot was not just some foolish game. She really did like spot and not only because he looked a great deal like Scott. She just didn't know how to go about telling Bianca how she really felt. On the way back from school Bianca and Evelyn saw a bunch of those Plug uglies again beating up a newsie and taking all of his papes and most of his money. The two looked around while the poor boy got beat up and left there on the side of the street. It was such a dirty world and Evelyn wished she could just stop it all. The newsie sniffed and picked himself up and limped away from his selling spot. "I feel so bad for those newsie," said Bianca. "And those damn Plug uglies! I'd sure like to shove my fist into all of their faces." "Why don' ya then?" said a voice. The girls spun 'round and saw Racetrack sitting on some steps, lighting a cigar. "Thomas?!" said Bianca. Racetrack puffed out smoke slowly. "Eh, call me by my nick name, Racetrack. I answeh betteh t'that more. Thomas is what my granny calls me...And Abby." "Oh. Right. So Racetrack," started Bianca. "About what I said..." "Ya can't do it can ya? Is dat it?" Bianca shook her head. "Oh no. I could probably do it, I just think those Plug uglies wouldn't stop bothering me then after that. And not because I beat 'em up, but cause I'm so gorgeous!" she flicked her hair and laughed jokingly. Evelyn and Racetrack joined in. "Sure, Bianca," said Evelyn and Bianca gave her a playful shove. Racetrack stood up from the step he was sitting on and said, "You goilies are different." "That suppose to be a bad thing?" Evelyn said. Racetrack quickly shook his head. "Nah! Everyones always so polite deas days. It jus' annoyin' ya know? And you two, especially Blondie oveh heah, Bianca, jus' don' give crap what othehs think or say." The girls could only shrug, know that Racetrack was right. "I like you goils. And so does my sisteh. Well I best be off to the lodgin' house. Grannys drivin' me crazy." he laughed a little and waved the girls off. Racetrack was right. The girls definitly a different kind of spunk then the rest of the folks and they would have to be careful about that. People would start to ask questions and get sneaky and that was something the girls did not want to have to worry about. Later on that day Evelyn stood by a window in the music room and watched as men worked on the green house. She noticed right away that Spot wasn't there. She had a bad feeling it was because of her. "Something troubling you me dear?" asked Sybelle. Evelyn turned around quickly and said, "Oh! No. Nothings wrong. Just thinking is all." she gave her a small smile. Mrs. O'Brian smiled back. "How ya think of the party?" "It was nice. I really enjoyed it." Mrs. O'Brian chuckled. "Oh, that's good t'hear me dear. Come sit down. Let's play the piano for a while." It had been a few days that Evelyn and Sybelle had practice anything on the piano and it was good to hear the soft melodies the keys gave off. It was a good way to rid the thought of Spot from Evelyn mind too, at least for the time being. She kept her focus on how to play the keys just right and before she knew it she had gotten through her first song. "Oh this is great!" said Sybelle. "You are learning quickly! I never had any daughters to teach music too and me boys were neveh the type to follow into music. They were so much like their fatheh." Evelyn could tell that she was happy with her and Bianca being here and wished, in some way, that she could stay here forever, but nothing ever lasted forever, unless if you were dead. When night came, Evelyn lay all nice and warm in her bed. The sheets covering her toes and up over her chest. The lights were off and the moonlight shined in a little through the curtains, giving off a blue colored light in the room. Evelyn watched at some shadows danced across the ceiling while it blew in the wind. The image of it was so peacful it made her fall right to sleep. But she soon started to dream; at least she thought she was dreaming. She stood at the foot of her bed again, looking down at herself. She turned around and saw misty light sink in from underneath the door. This dream was all too familiar to her. As she opened the door she found herself standing in the hospital hallway again and blinking dull light by the desk in the distance. She stepped forward, walking ever closer to the first room, Bianca's room. She peaked her head inside and saw that Bianca's limp body was still laying there in bandages. Evelyn continued on walking and then came to the second room, her room and walked inside, seeing herself again on the bed. She looked like a tragic mess the closer she walked over to the bed side. "This is what you've become, Evelyn." said a voice. Startled, Evelyn looked over her shoulder and gasped. "S-Scott?!" she was so frozen she couldn't move from where she was standing and Scott only stood a few feet away. He slowly walked over to the other side of the bed and said, "This is you, Evelyn." "I...I know." she answered. "And this is how you will stay even once you wake up." "What do you mean "Once I wake up."?" Scooted sighed, looking down at the Evelyn who laid on the bed and then at Evelyn herself. "You’re stuck in-between time, Evelyn." "And...?" "And you will be stuck like this until you decide what you want to do...I mean...till your heart knows what it wants to do." "Explain...?" said Evelyn having a hard time believing that it was really Scott she was talking to or a figment of her imagination. "Right now, Evelyn, your body is laying here, unconscious, dying slowly, while the conscious part of you is stuck where you are now. For some reason you were brought to where you are for a certain reason and you have to figure why, but you don't have that much longer to think about what it is, that's why you have to hurry." "What about Bianca?" asked Evelyn. "What happens to her is entirely up to you. This is your doing and you have to pick up the pieces and place them together again...It's not your time to die yet, Evelyn. It's the same for Bianca too. You got you yourself and here into this mess and only you can get yourselves out of it." "What if I tell Bianca about this?" Scott shrugged. "I don't know all the details. I'm just the messenger boy." he then reached over and placed a hand on Evelyn's. It was very faint, but she could feel his touch. "What happened to me is not your fault, but your here for a reason. Someone here, in this time, needs you. That's all I can tell you. Now, wake up." and like that Evelyn awoke and sat up fast in her bed. She kicked the covers off of her and slipped of her night rob. She opened up the bedroom door and closed it quietly. She need to get up and walk around; to think. As she descended down the stairs she noticed a light coming from inside Mr. O’Brian’s study room. He was talking to someone, but who? Evelyn peered in closer through the cracked door and listened in on the conversation. "She's a nice girl, yes, I know." it was Mr. O'Brian talking. "But she hardly knows you." The man he was talking to sighed. "Yes, that's true too, but give me some time with her, perhaps even alone, maybe we could make a good match." The voice sounded familiar. Who could it be? "That's if she wants’ to. I cannot force her." replied Mr. O'Brian. Another question struck Evelyn: Who were they talking about? "Completely understandable. I just hope you put some thought into this." said the man. After that Evelyn heard some shuffling and ran to the stairs seeing how the two men were walking out of the study room. Evelyn pretended to just be coming down and saw Mr. O'Brian and Charles Vanham walking out of the room. She was stunned a little to see him here at this hour of the night. "Ah! Miss. Evelyn. It's good to see you. I hope our talking did not wake you." said Charles. Evelyn shook her head. "No, no. I just came down to use the restroom." she then looked away from the two and started to walk away. "Ah! Evelyn...?" called out Mr. O'Brian. Evelyn turned back around, waiting for his reply. "The bathroom is the other way." he told her. Evelyn nodded once and headed in the right direction this time, brushing past Charles; her nerves chilling her as she did so. Chapter 11: Waking up to a nightmare. Bianca woke up that morning and noticed that Evelyn had woken up before her. Lately, Bianca had been feeling tired throughout most of her days. She found herself going to bed early and waking up late. She didn't know what was wrong with her. As she slipped the covers off of her she could hear the men outside hard at work putting together the green house. When she looked outside she saw that they were almost done. Another thing she noticed was that Spot wasn't there. He hadn’t been there all week. She shook the thought from her and decided that whatever it was it wasn't her business. As she got dressed and brushed her hair and neatly put it into a bun she headed down stairs, smelling some eggs and bacon. She walked into the dining room seeing that everyone else had ate their breakfast. Abigail then walked in, ready to clean up some dishes and stopped as soon as she saw Bianca standing there. "Oh! 'scuse me!" she said and started to head out the way she had come. "Wait!" Bianca called out. Abigail stopped and turned around. "Yes?" "Is there still food left?" just as she had said that her stomach growled. Bianca blushed a little with embarrassment and Abigail cleared her throat, trying not to giggle. "Yes, there is. I'll get you a plate right away." Within a few minutes Abigail came back out with a full plate of food. Bianca's nose was right. They did have bacon and eggs for breakfast. "Is there anything else you need?" asked Abigail. Bianca shook her head and Abigail started to walk away. "Wait!" said Bianca again. "Sit down. I could use a good conversation." she told her. Abigail nodded once and sat down next her. Bianca took a few bites of her food before starting up a conversation with Abigail who seemed to be a very quiet girl. "What got you started working for the O'Brian's?" asked Bianca. Abigail cleared her throat and said, "My little brother, Thomas---" "Racetrack." said Bianca. "Abigail nodded. "Yes. Well, shortly after selling papers he found this job for me and I took it up right away." Bianca nodded, Not sure on what to say next, but it was Abigail who spoke up this time. "Um...If you don't mind me asking...Where did you come from? I've heard all sorts of rumors but---" "What kind of rumors?" Bianca said suddenly. Abigail shrugged her shoulders. "Just silly stuff is all...like...some say that you and your friend are run aways or something outrageous like that..." Bianca raised a brow. "Well you can tell them that we are NOT run aways. Evelyn and I just...it's just..." Bianca wasn't sure what to tell this girl. Either way, Bianca would have to lie to her. "Evelyn and I lost some very close friends and we had no idea what to do or where to go...So we came to Brooklyn." Bianca quickly shoved more food in her mouth, afraid she would let something slip. At least part of her lie was true. Later on that day, the sun was out and the wind made the weather reasonable. Bianca stood on the back porch watching the men get back to work. Evelyn and Sybelle were inside playing the piano and Mr. O'Brian sat to far right side of the porch talking something over with Charles Vanham and a few other men. Bianca felt like she was the only one not doing anything. Maybe this was why she had been tired? Was she depressed? She did miss her family. Sure she had Evelyn with her and had nice place to stay, food in her belly and a safe place to sleep at night, but she wanted more than anything was to feel important again. She wanted to see her family and help them out; she wanted to go back to work at the mall and she wanted to play with her younger siblings cousins again. Everyone seemed to have somebody but her and it made her sick to her stomach. She felt grounded; she felt as if she was already looking at her future. Suddenly she found herself walked towards the working men. For some odd reason she wanted to help them. She enjoyed building things and getting a good workout. "Watch out miss!" Someone yelled and before she knew it a long piece of wood smacked her right in the face. The next thing she saw was a white ceiling. She could hear a faint beeping sound and looked over to see what it was. Her eyes grew wide when she realized where she was: A hospital. She started to freak out when she couldn't see out of her left eye. She had wanted to reach up and touch it, but her left arm was in a cast and it hurt to try and move it so she reached up with her right hand felt a bandage around it. She looked down at her feet and her right leg was in a cast too. What the hell was going on? Hot tears started to form in her eyes. An I-V was stuck in her right arm and other cords were attached to her. She saw a nurse walk in soon after. At first she was looking down at some papers and then when she looked up, seeing that she was awake, she gave Bianca a warm smile. "Good morning." she said to her. "What's happened to me?" she asked the nurse. The nurse placed her hand on Bianca's head and told her. "You are lucky to be alive." "What happened?!" Bianca said again. "You got in an accident, dear. You've gone through some pretty rough stuff. It's best you try to keep calm." Then it hit her. Bianca remembered that night that Evelyn was driving. "H-how long have I been asleep?" she asked the nurse. "A little over a month. You're friend though is still in a coma." "Coma?" said Bianca. Is that what had happened to her after the crash? But how was that possible? she had just been at the O’Brian’s house a few seconds ago. The nurse hooked the I-V cord up to a new patch. "There. That should do it." the nurse looked down and then asked Bianca if she was hungry. Come to think of it, Bianca was hungry. In fact, she was starving! Bianca nodded and the nurse smiled again. Bianca was really getting tired of this nurses icky sweet smile. "Right. I'll be back as soon as I can." With that the nurse left, leaving Bianca to herself again. Bianca tried to sit up, but she was in too much pain and decided to stop trying. An hour passed before the nurse came back with a tray of food. On it was pudding, toast with butter, water and some chicken broth. The nurse grabbed a device from the side of the bed and pressed down on a button and the bed slowly moved up. Bianca was now able to be up straight and eat her food. Only one problem occurred though: Bianca was left handed and her left arm was in a cast so she was forced to use her right. When the nurse tried to help Bianca yelled at her, telling her to leave. The nurse quickly left the room and Bianca tried feeding herself again. Her hot soup fell off her spoon before she could even get it to her mouth. She tried this another three times and when the same thing happened and she tossed her spoon on the tray. Not feeling very hungry anymore she watched as the steam rose up from the small cup. Bianca looked out the window, the sun was out and she could see trees swaying in the wind. She didn't know or keep track of how much time had passed. She enjoyed the scenery so much she closed her eyes and imagined herself back at the O'Brian's house, sitting under the tree in the back yard with Evelyn, laughing and telling stories. Soon the door swung open again, thinking for sure it was the nurse again, Bianca was about ready to snap at her but thought otherwise when she heard her mother’s voice ring in her ears. "Bianca! Oh my little girl!" her mother, Grace, ran up to her bed and hugged her. "Mom?! Ouch!" "Oh! Sorry about that!" her mother stepped back and that's when Bianca saw her father. The two smiled at each other. Her father, Edward, placed a warm hand on hers and squeezed it lightly. The parents were happy to see that their little girl was still alive and that she has woken up. "It's a miracle you survived!" said her mother. "We were so worried about you. Your father and I could hardly sleep..." Bianca's mother went on with how worried she was about her and how things were going back at home. Some of it made her smile and others not so much. At the same time Bianca felt happy and sad. Happy to be back, but sad to be gone. She wasn't sure if her feelings made any sense, they were happening and she couldn't control them. Later on that day, after her parents had to leave because of visiting hours, she had requested to see Evelyn. She didn't care if she wasn't awake; she just wanted to see her friend. Bianca was placed into a dark blue wheelchair and taken to Evelyn's room by a different nurse. As she entered the room Bianca saw that Evelyn was in worse condition than she and felt like crying for her friend who couldn't do it for herself. Bianca told the nurse to leave her be and so she was. She sat there in her wheelchair, staring at her sleeping friend, knowing full well where she really was. She was back in 1899 with the O'Brian's. Bianca reached out and touched her friends hand. "Evelyn...if you can hear me then great, but if you can't I don't care, but I need to say this before I go mad...Are you really there? Are you really asleep? If not, then why is your body still here? It just doesn't make any sense! The car tumbled, we crashed, passed out because of it, but why on earth would we go back in time? That's something I don't understand and it scares me. I fear I may never walk again. I fear I may be blind in one eye. My left arm is shattered and my head hurts like hell and I can hardly feed myself. I just wish...I just wish you were here...and awake. Where did we go wrong? C'mon, Evelyn...Wake up from this silly dream already!...Ok?" Evelyn did not steer though. She didn't even make a sound; move a pinky even or an eyelid. Nothing. It was as if Evelyn was sitting doll, all laid out nicely on her bed, only she was bandaged up. Maybe staying asleep is what Evelyn truly need? Who would want to wake up to this nightmare? Chapter 12: Reality sucks Evelyn sat by Bianca's bed side, praying that her dear friend would wake up soon. After a hit to the face by a board, it knocked her out cold and Evelyn somehow got an eerie feeling because of it. A welt on Bianca's forehead started to bruise more and Evelyn knew that once she woke up it would be a killer head ache. Suddenly a knock came to the door; it was Sybelle. "Evelyn, dear, it's time for supper. Won't ya come down?" Evelyn slowly shook her head and softly spoke. "No thank you, ma 'am." she said to her. "I don't have much of an appetite right now." Sybelle said nothing but nodded and closed the door. Evelyn sighed deeply. "C'mon, Bianca. Wake up! A slap to the face like that couldn't have been that bad...could it?" Evelyn reached her hand over and squeezed Bianca's. ~ Bianca sat in the back seat of her parent’s car, watching the other vehicles drive by. Her parents talked, but she heard not a word of it. She was dazed, confused, upset. What was worse was that she had no idea what she wanted. Torn between two worlds was enough to drive anyone up the wall. Bianca noticed a droplet of rain splash on the window; she looked up and saw more heading it's way to the dirty yet beautiful city. She rolled down the window, reaching her arm out the window and feeling the cool air brush past her hand and the side of her face. "Bianca, roll up that window, you'll catch cold." said her mother. Bianca did not listen to her mother's words though and continued to enjoy the nice fresh air. When she got home, Bianca was rolled in her wheel chair by her father who led her to the living room where her mother made out a small bed on the couch. "Is there something wrong with my room?" Bianca asked, watching as her mother placed a pillow down to finish it all off. "No," she replied. "Then why can't I sleep in there?" she asked. Her mother sighed. "You’re dad and I think it's best if you stay away from stairs. Also, you'll be down here with us so we'll be able to hear you if you call for us." "I'll just text you." she said. She then suddenly remember that she no longer a had a cell phone since the accident. "Oh...Never mind," she said. Her father was about to help her out of the wheel chair but she insisted that she do it herself. And she did. When that was said and done, Bianca laid on the long velvety covered couch and stared up at the ceiling. She stared at it so long she started to make out figures on the wall and soon she started talking to them. "What are you looking at?" she said to a figure that looked like a fat old man. "Get that smile off you're dirty face," she then looked to another figure and said, "Well look at you," she said quietly, hardly making a sound. The figure looked like woman with her hair all pinned up and getting ready for some kind of party. The woman looked like Sybelle almost and Bianca felt a hot tear roll down her cheek. "I want to be happy too..." she said, looking at the womanly figure. Bianca then dozed off, leaving the figures on the walls to comfort themselves. The next day Bianca demanded to go to the library. She had fought her father on the subject for a good hour before he finally gave in and took her. She didn't care if she was all bandaged up; she felt the need to go and find things out. Of what? She wasn't quite sure yet and whatever it was she would find it there. When she got to the library, finding a quiet place to be she had asked her father to help her look for things on New York in the late 1800's. When she told him this he gave her a funny look but did it anyway. On the other hand, Bianca went off to find some more serious information on her own; something more on topic. Bianca looked from shelf-to-shelf, not having very good luck with anything until a book fell high from its shelf, giving her a little scare. She rolled around on her wheel chair to see a dusty torn up book on the floor. She went over to it and picked it up, blowing and brushing off the dust; she was hoping to find some kind of label on front but she saw nothing. She looked on the side and even on the back and still saw nothing. Bianca decided to take this as a hint and placed the book on her lap and rolled back to her table where she found her dad setting down four books. "Thanks dad," she said. "If you need anything," he said, "I'll be just down the hall on the computer. I have some writing to get done for work." Bianca nodded twice and her dad left her to her reading. Bianca read for what seemed like a good hour before she finally set down the second book she had picked up; she rubbed her eyes, strained from reading too much for too long, thinking that coming here was all just a big mistake until she glanced over at the book she had found. She opened it and flipped through the first couple of pages, not finding much of an interest in them. She then came across the lines of, "New York City; the way it was." The label was catchy and she began to read. She was hooked by the first couple of sentences and wanted to read more. Suddenly a hand landed on her shoulder and she jumped. "Sorry," it was her father. "Didn't mean to scare you. Find anything you like?" Bianca slowly shook her head. "That's too bad," he told her. "We'll come back another day. We have to go now and you need your rest." Her father was probably right about the resting part, but she wasn't so sure about the coming back part so she slipped the dirty book into her bag without anyone seeing and went on home. Later that night, Bianca sat at the dinner table with her parents. She kept glancing back at her bag that was in the living room with the book in it. She had taken something from the library and she had never done that before and it left a weird yet exciting feeling in her belly. She took one last bite of her baked potato and slid her plate forward. "You didn't eat much." her mother commented, looking up from her plate and over at her daughter. "Not that hungry." Bianca stated. Her mother laughed. "You can't be serious. You got out of a coma and you have hardly ate anything since you woke up and you’re not that hungry?" she scoffed this time. "Finish your plate." she ordered. Bianca said nothing to her mother and removed herself from the dinner table. "Bianca? Where do you think you’re going?" "My room," she said in an irritated tone. She heard her mother stand up from her chair by the sound of it sliding behind her. "You need to be down stairs." her mother told her, following after her. "You can't get up there by yourself. Bianca suddenly stopped. The room was quiet for a while. "Can't do it...by myself?" Bianca said slowly. "Then why don't...you help me." she said. Her mother gave out a heavy sigh. "Don't make things harder than it already is, Bianca." Again it was quiet. "Harder?" she repeated. "Harder?...You don't know what hard is." she said. "WHAT?" her mother snapped. "I'd like you to say that again." she said. Bianca ignored her mother this time and stood up from the wheel chair and took her first step on the stairs. "Bianca..." she heard her father say. "Come down." he said softly. Bianca would not hear any of it though. She took another step, holding on to the railing as she went up. "Honey, do something." she heard mother say. Her father was at a loss for words, he knew that Bianca was a strong young woman and would easily defended if someone helped her with anything that would hurt her pride. One-by-one, Bianca reached the top of the stairs and went into her room. When she opened the door an old familiar smell went up her nose. She smiled a little, but soon that smile faded. The smell was not as comforting as she had hoped. She was used to the smell of the room that her and Evelyn shared. Bianca slammed the door shut and leaned against it. She squeezed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears. When she was sure she wouldn't, she finally made it to her bed and laid down. She laid there for what seemed like hours. Her mom and dad would knock on the door from time-to-time, checking up on her, but she didn't care. She only cared about getting back to Evelyn. To her and Evelyn, 1899 was their Golden Age. She was happy despite the changes. The people she met there she grew very fond of. The newsie, Mr, and Mrs. O'Brian, Racetrack, Abigail, some of the girls at school and even Spot was starting to make an imprint on her life. When all was quiet, Bianca got up from her bed and opened her bedroom door, peeking out to see if anyone was out there. Luck for her, no one was and she slowly made her way to the bathroom. After going to the restroom and brushing her teeth (man it felt good brushing her teeth with decent tooth paste) As she placed the paste back into the cabinet she was about to close it, but something caught her eyes: A bottle of Lunexor and Tylenol. She grabbed the two and took out one Lunexor and two Tylenol; it would be enough to knock a person out. She then placed them back in their rightful place and washed down the pills quickly. She looked at herself in the mirror, realizing what she had just done tears started to form in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away and walked back to her room where she laid back down on her bed. Bianca felt herself getting tired. Dizzy even; and soon she closed her eyes ~ Suddenly she found herself opening them again. A blurry figured stared down at her. "Bianca...?" they said. "...Mmm?" she could hardly muster a sound. "Oh thank God you’re alright! I was so worried." Bianca recognized the voice. "Evelyn...?" The blurry figure nodded. "Yeah...It's me. How are you feeling?" When Bianca's vision became clear and her head started to clear out she slowly say up, confused more now than ever. "What happened to me?" she asked. "You got hit in the head with a board." Evelyn told her. "A board?" Evelyn nodded. "Is everything ok, Bianca? Want me to go get Sybelle?" Bianca shook her head. "No. I'll be fine...I just...I need to tell you something." Evelyn was silent and sat still. "When I was knocked out...I ended up back at the hospital..." Evelyn stood up straighter, her eyes becoming serious. "The hospital?" Chapter thirteen: The proposal Evelyn sat slumped at her desk, paying no mind to what Miss. Thorn was saying up on the board while writing it in chalk. The words that ran through her head where the words spoken from Bianca, telling her that they would have to wake up from this dream soon, but Evelyn didn't want to. She wanted to stay her, forever. "Miss. Connealy, did you hear me at all? I asked you a question." Miss. Thorn's voiced finally found its way in Evelyn's head. She picked at her ear trying to get the annoying sound out but realized that her teachers voice was not an imagination. "No..." Evelyn answered. "What? Speak up, child. I cannot hear you." "I said...NO! Did you hear me this time?" Evelyn knew that was the wrong thing to say and watched as her teacher eyes narrowed, lips piercing together and her face tightening in that pissed off way. "Miss. Connealy, please come to the front of the class." Evelyn rose from her desk and walked to the front of the class. Miss. Thorn dropped the piece of chalk in Evelyn's hand and pointed to the board. "You are here by-forth dismissed from today's teachings and will write on the board THESE exact words: I will NOT talk back to the teacher. You will write this on the board in small hand writing until the end of the day and then I expect you to wash it once everyone has left the room." Miss. Thorn went back to her teachings and left Evelyn to do her writing. At the end of the day as Evelyn finished washing up the last part of the board she dumped her rag into the milky looking water. "Are you finished?" her teacher asked. Evelyn nodded. "Good. GO dump the water and then bring the bucket and the rag back and leave it in the closet." Evelyn did this and returned soon after. As she was picking up her things, Miss, Thorn said, "Why must you make so much trouble for yourself?" Evelyn took a deep breath. "Why must you be so hard on your students? What lessons are there to learn from abuse other than fear?" "Your tongue often gets the better of you, I see." Miss. Thorn said. "I only learned from the best." Evelyn told her. Miss. Thorn looked surprised. "Oh? And who might this be?" "My boy-" Evelyn stopped herself. She was about to say her boyfriend, but Evelyn no longer had one. Scott was dead. "Who? Go on." Evelyn shook her head. "No. It's none of your business. I don't pry into your private life so stay out of mine!" With that Evelyn left in a hustle, almost forgetting about Bianca standing outside, waiting for her. "Hey! Slow down." Bianca finally caught up with her friend. It was then when she was the irritated look on her face. "You two get at it again?" Bianca asked. "ARGH!" Evelyn stopped dead in her tracks and yelled out of frustration, throwing her bag to the dirty stone ground. "Why does she hate me so much? WHY?" At first Bianca didn't know what to do. "Whoa! Calm down. You're away from prison now. Cool down." "I don't NEED to cool down! I want to punch that nosey old hag!" "What did she say this time?" asked Bianca. Evelyn sighed, picked up her bag and brushing it off she said, "I almost told her about Scott." "WHAT? Evelyn! That shi- stuff is really secret. No matter how-" "Whoa...slow down. I didn't tell her that. Just about Scott being my, er well, used to be boyfriend. Almost. And then I stormed out." Bianca nodded. "Ah, I see." Suddenly a familiar voice called out to them and the two girls turned around seeing a newsie hat, with twenty some papes under his pits and a cigar in his mouth. "Hiya ladies! Care for a pape?" it was Racetrack. Bianca's face lit up. "Oh! Hi, Racetrack! How ya been, kid?" Racetrack kicked his foot on the stone and took in a drag. When the thick smoke left his mouth it quickly vanished away with the cold fall winds. "Ah, don' call me kid. It's Racetrack. Jus' Racetrack. Got it?" Bianca laughed a little. "Yeah sure. And no thank you, we don't need a paper, but heres a penny anyway." Bianca pulled out a penny from the pocket of her skirt and tossed it to Racetrack. "Danks!" he said, stuffing it in his shoe. "By the way, Eve, " he said, clearly towards Evelyn. "Spot is lookin' for ya. Says he needs ta tell ya somethin'." "Like what?" "I dunno. You'se think Spot Conlon tells me anything?" Just then Ractrack was joined up by two other newsies. "Where ya been Race?" said a boy slightly older than Ractrack. You could tell he had curly dark hair under that newsie hat of his and he wore a worn out jacket with no buttons. His faded pink shirt was unbuttoned at the top and he wore pants that went up a little passed his ankles. He then looked at Evelyn and Bianca and tipped his hat. "Oh! Hiya sweet faces! Ya can call me Mush." "Knock it off, Mush!" said the other boy joining Racetrack. He looked a little more dignified than the other two. He probably a better stable home than them. "Mush? Finn? How'ja find me?" "If ya aint in Harlem sellin, then ya in Brooklyn." said Mush. "It's dat simple!" Racetrack pushed his face away. "Get outa heah! Ya smell like too many perfumes." Mush was known to get a bit too close to ladies and that's how he got his name. "Race, ya gotta come to the races. There some hot deals goin on!" said the boy named Finn. Racetrack rolled his eyes. "Can't ya see I'm busy heah. Got keep score. Be there in a sec." The boys left and Racetrack finally looked more at ease "They your friends?" Bianca asked. Racetrack smiled. "Yeah. They's are. And a real pain in my ass too!" This made Evelyn smile and Bianca laughed a little. "Well anyway," said Racetrack. "I'll see ya two ladies later. Seeya!" Racetrack left in a hurry, trying to sell the last of his papes so he could go to the race tracks. "Do you feel better now?" Bianca asked. Evelyn slowly nodded. "Thank God it's the weekend!" "For sure! Say...I wonder what Spot wants." Bianca got a huge grin on her face. "Maybe he wants to tell you he LOVES you!" Bianca teased her friend, making her blush. "Stop that, Bianca! There’s no way!" Bianca sighed. "Oh Come one!" she laughed. "Don't get all wishy washy on me now!" Evelyn blushed even more. "Stop it!" Suddenly they were stopped by none other than Spot. "Evelyn...Bianca." he acknowledged them both. "Evelyn...I need ta speak with ya...alone, please?" Bianca just grinned as big as she could and patted Evelyn on the back. "Suuuure. You two...go ahead and TALK. I'll meet you back at the house, Evelyn." She then looked over at Spot and her face got serious. "You better not TRY anything mister. I'll come after you with my own two fists!" Spot looked a little surprised. He had never had such a nice looking girl threaten him before other than the drunk hazy looking ones over at the pub, but of course they were all older than him. "Uh...Yeah." he told her. Bianca brushed passed him and hurried back to the house. "What's the matter with her?" Spot asked. Evelyn shrugged. "She's just...protective of her friends." she told him this quietly and he had to strain to listen. He nodded. "I see...Well, Eve..." "It's Evelyn." she said to him, still as quiet as a mouse. "Oh...Sorry, Evelyn." "No. It's ok. You can call me Eve if you want to." she tried not to blush again. Bianca had gotten her so worked up that she was totally not prepared to speak to spot. "What did you want to talk about?" Evelyn asked. "First, I wanted to apologize for not speaking with ya for some days now, but that don't mean I'm confessin' anythin'," Spot quickly told her this. "But...been tellin' me mam about ya. She wants ta meet ya real bad. Not my idea, but...she wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come over." "...I'm sorry. I can't." Spot looked a little disappointed but then regained his collected self once again. "Ah I see. Too bad den I guess...So what else you's got goin' on that ya can't come?" "Thomas tells me that he has something very important to talk to me about tonight." "Oh...Tonight. Well ya see...Tonight would be not be a good night to come over anyway...What about tomorrow? I can pick you up." Evelyn's heart suddenly jumped. This conversation was reminding her of when Scott was first trying to ask her out. Was Spot trying to do the same? "Tomorrow night will be good, yeah." she told him. "Ah. That's good, I mean, ok." "But tonight I know will be crazy." "Why?" Spot asked her. Evelyn pulled a few strands of hair behind her ears. "I have to talk to Thomas AND Charles Vanham..." he voice trailed off. "Huh? What?" Spot inched closer to her face. Evelyn blushed and put her face down. "I have to talk to both Thomas AND Charles." she said louder this time. When she said Charles name, Spot backed away from her and got an irritated look on his face. He grimaced. "Ugh! Charles...Hate that guy!" "You know him?" Evelyn asked. "Know him? I work with that stupid idiot!" Evelyn was a little surprised. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know." "Ah! Nah...dats fine. Well, I's gotta go, Eve. See ya tomorrow night...uh...six?" Evelyn nodded and watched Spot run off again. When Evelyn got back, she set her bag on the living room couch and sighed. She was finally home and able to rest. "Oh you're back now." Evelyn turned her head and say Sybelle standing there with a dusty rag in her hand. "Thomas and Mr. Vanham are waiting in the office. You best not keep them waiting any longer." she had a rather unusually smile on her face as she said this. Evelyn left her bag on the couch and walked inside the office. So much for resting. This was now the moment of truth. Thomas sat at his desk while Charles sat in black chair across from the desk. There was an empty seat right next to Charles, seeing how it was the only place lef to sit, Evelyn had to sit there. "Evelyn," Thomas started off saying her name as if it were a question. "How do you like this house and all your surroundings?" "I like it." she said truthfully. "And what of the people?" "You mean like you and Sybelle and the people at school?" Thomas nodded. "It's good." she told him. That was half true. "Now what about Mr. Vanham?" Evelyn was at a loss for words. She glanced over at Charles who wore a light smile on his face. She then looked back at Thomas and said, "What about him?" Thomas chuckled lightly and said. "What are your feelings towards him?" "M-my Feelings?" she stuttered. Thomas nodded. "I-I don't know. I hardly know him..." this was true. Thomas then put his hands together and took a deep breath. "Evelyn, since you have been in my care it is up to me to make sure your future is bright. Mr. Vanham has agreed to help me out in this situation...Evelyn, my dear...Charles wishes to marry you. He thinks you are a bright, young and beautiful girl and full of spirit!" Evelyn's mouth dropped a little and she looked over at Charles. "What do you say, Evelyn? Will you marry me? I know we don't know each other very well yet, but we don't have to get married right away." She looked at him as if he was crazy. "WHAT?" "Are you...not happy?" Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Happy? Of COURSE I'm not happy about this!" She stood up fast and pointed a finger at Thomas. "How DARE you try to marry off to a man that I hardly know or even want to get to know! I don't love Charles, I love Sp-" she stopped herself. "I love someone else..." she left the room quickly, slamming the door shut and running to her room and slamming that door too. Evelyn threw herself to her bed and screamed in her pillow. As if today had to get any worse this was that moment. She found herself getting worked up again and knew that she would have to calm down otherwise she'd probably break something. She went to bed without having any supper. She even stayed curled up under sheets and even kept quiet when Bianca came in to get ready for bed. She was too angry to do anything else but lie there and keep herself closed up. Still, she preferred this than having to put up with the bullshit back in her time. Then it hit her. For a moment, Evelyn was able to forget about Charles and think about what Bianca told her, about having to wake up. If it was true, than she wouldn't have to worry about mayrrying Charles. But that left her with someone else to think about: Spot. Would she be able to leave Spot? Just like that and never see him again? He was the closes person she had left remotely close to Scott. This got her to thinking: If I'm awake here and my body is asleep there, then what would happen if I were to die in that time? Would I be able to come back here? If all else would fail, Evelyn decided that she would pull her own plug if that meant staying here...For good. Chapter 14: The apology Spot woke up a little anxious that next morning. He had lied to Evelyn, telling her that his mother was excited to meet her, but the truth to that was that Spot really wanted to see her. Spot’s mother had been bugging him about getting a girl and marrying her. But Spot knew that if he was going to marry it wouldn’t just be any girl; she’d have to have long beautiful hair, a strong will, great hips and beautiful eyes and most of all, loving and beautiful personality. Evelyn fit a lot of those descriptions and wanted to get to know her more to see if she was “the one”. He got dressed and slipped on his shoes and then brushed his hair and put on his cap and headed for work. Today was half a day at work. That meant he’d have time to fix himself up a little to try and impress Evelyn. When he arrived to work her sat down at his station and got to work like he normally did. Suddenly, a hand landed on his shoulder, stopping him from doing his work. “These are for you.” Announced a rather annoying voice said. Spot turned around, about ready to cringe at the sight of Charles standing so close to him. “Yeah?” “I’m busy and these papers need to get handed out to the workers.” Spot gave him a dull look. “Isn’t that your job?” “I’m busy though.” Spot laughed a little and turned around. “That is not my problem.” Charles tried his best to keep his temper controlled from being annoyed by Spot. “Alright then. That’s not a problem.” Of course it was a problem. His anyway, obviously. He wouldn’t mind so much doing it but today he was irritated by Evelyn’s answer from last night. He had hoped she would say yes or be more understanding of his feelings. Instead she tossed them aside and walked away. Charles was not used to be turned away so easily. That just meant he would have to try harder next time. Evelyn woke up surprisingly early the next morning. Her head hurt, probably from the events of last night. She slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes. She looked to Bianca’s bed and saw that she was still asleep. The light, peaceful golden light showed dimly through the curtains a little. She removed her blanket and slipped her feet over the edge of her bed. She yawned and stretched before standing up. She walked to the dresser and picked up her brush. The brush gave her no such luck as her hair puffed up even more so she grabbed a few silver hair pins and pinned it down a little. After satisfied with her work, she tip-toed out of the room and down the stairs. The only people up were the few maids. “Oh! Evelyn, it’s you.” Abigail said, almost running into her. “Abigail? Hi. Morning.” “G’morning. Why are you up so early?” Evelyn shrugged her shoulders. “Good question. Went to bed pretty early last night---hey, where have you been?” “Me?” Abigail pointed to herself. “Been working at another house.” “Oh, I see.” “Sorry if I worried you.” “Oh no you’re fine. I was just wondering is all.” Abigail nodded to this. “Well, Evelyn, if you excuse me, There’s some breakfast to be made.” Abigail excused herself and walked in the direction of the kitchen. Evelyn walked to the living room and sat down on one of the cushions. She looked about the room with not much to do and thought to herself, I wish houses were still like this. I wish people were still as proper in my time as here. It’s not fair! She crossed her arms and laid back her head. Suddenly she started to get a headache. She raised her head back up but that didn’t seem to help at all. “Evelyn, dear?” it was Sybelle. “Oh, Hi.” “You’re up awfully early.” Evelyn gave her a sky smile. “Yeah…” Sybelle came to sit next to her and pressed her hands down on her skirt. “Heard about last night.” Evelyn rolled her eyes to this. “Can we please not talk about that right now?” she asked. “My head really hurts.” Sybelle nodded. “Of course. Would you like some honey tea? Perhaps that would help?” Sybelle suggested. Evelyn nodded. “That sounds great. Thanks.” Sybelle stood up and walked to the kitchen where the sweet smell of flap-jacks and breakfast biscuits were being made. After work it was around three o’clock. Spot was heading home when he heard the cries from his fellow newsie friends. He guessed that his brother was probably somewhere over there. But today the cries were different. He heard: Stop the world! Unfair! Cheaters! Spot couldn’t help but follow the uneasy cries of the newsies. He ended up walking to the Brooklyn bridge finding a rally of newise’s ripping other newsie’s papes. Completely confused by what was going on Spot ran over and broke up a fight. “EH! Knock it off, kid!” he yelled at the one who did the attacking. “Outa the way, you moron!” “Why should I?” “Haven’t you heard?” “Heard what?” Spot asked. The blonde newsie flew his hands in to the air. “Ah great! Now he got away! Good goin’!” the blonde newsie ran off before answering Spot’s question and he was left to watch a crowd of young boys attack each other. Soon the police came in to break up the rally. Spot quickly got out of the way, watching as some boys were dragged off by police and while others found time to escape their grasp. Everything was going crazy and nothing was making any sense. “Did you hear,” Spot heard a woman a few feet away from him talking to another misses on the sidewalk. “Mr. Pulitzer raised the price for his papers.” Spot just about choked on his breath. What? He thought. That good-for-nothing son-of-a-pig jacked up the price of the papes? Now he understood everything and felt stupid for breaking up the fight between the two boys’ just moments ago. Spot bolted for home, hoping his little brother was there and not out in this mess. His heart raced as he ran up the stairs, skipping a step each time. He swung open the door to his residence and saw his mother sitting at the table. She saw the worried look of Spot’s face and asked what was wrong. He ignored his mother’s words and walked to his room where he shared the room with his little brother. His mind and heart settled when he saw his brother sitting on the bed, playing with some cards. Spot’s mother followed him in and asked again what was wrong. Spot turned and said. “The world raised the price in papes t’day. There’s a huge crowd fully of police and newsies over by the Brooklyn Bridge. His mother’s face turned white. “What? Are you sure?” Spot nodded. “How much more?” Spot shrugged. “Don’ know, but I’m gonna find out.” He was about to head out again, seeing that his little brother was safe, but his mother grabbed his arm. “Hold it right there,” she said. “You’s stayin’ inside till it settles down, a’right?” “You kiddin’ me?” She shook her head. “I don’ need my oldest son getting’ beat up. Besides, ya gotta get ready to pick up Evelyn. I’se already startin’ to cook and you need to clean ya self up.” Spot nodded twice and walked to the kitchen sink to wash his face and hands and damp his hair down. He felt silly, dressing up and trying to look presentable for a girl he hardly knew. A beautiful one though, he reminded himself once again. The whole ordeal with the newsies would have to wait till tomorrow. Besides, he was sure enough that either Racetrack or Kid Blink would come rushing over to him to tell him all about it. When it came time to pick up Evelyn Spot took a few breaths and headed outside. He walked and walked thinking about how he would knock on the door. Should I knock three times? Or four? Or ring the bell? And when someone would answer the door how would he explain to them that he was there to pick up Evelyn? When he came to the door he cleared his throat and knocked on the door four times. When no one came he rang the bell. Within a few seconds Abigail came to the door with a faint smile on her face. “Oh. Hello, Spot Conlon. What brings you hear?” Spot was surprised and glad at the same time to see someone he knew a little. “Abigail? Uh, yeah…Is Evelyn here?” Abigail’s little smile faded and she said. “Sorry. She won’t be going anywhere tonight.” “…Why?” he asked. “She told me not to let anyone bother her tonight. Not feeling well, I guess. Perhaps tomorrow?” Spot’s heart fell to the bottom of his stomach. “Ah…nah. Don’ worry ‘bout it, Abi. Jus’ tell her I stopped by. Please? Can ya do that at least?” Abigail nodded and the little smile returned to her face. “Yes, of course.” With that Abigail closed the door and Spot was left to walk home alone, heavy hearted and down in the dumps. He sure felt like he was dumped. Did Evelyn even remember? Did she even care? Maybe she liked Charles better. He furrowed his eyes at the thought and kicked an empty box of peaches. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and cursed to himself. Maybe she really didn’t care. The next day Evelyn trailed behind Bianca and Sybelle as they shopped around the market. She noticed that the cries of the Newsies was quieter than usual. Just then she saw Spot walking the streets, his head down and hands stuffed in his pocket. Her heart raced and fluttered, but then she remembered that last night was the night she was suppose to meet his mother. Abigail had told her that he stopped by but she didn’t listen very well. Her head was still hurting but not as much as the day before. “Bianca!” she said. Bianca turned and looked to her friend. “What is it?” Evelyn pointed over to Spot and got a pleading look on her face. Bianca rolled her eyes and smiled. “Don’t blame me if you get lost in the mess of people. I’ll Sybelle know you where you are.” “Thanks!” Evelyn gave her friend a quick hug and ran to catch up with Spot. “Spot! Spot, wait! Stop!” she called out to him. He didn’t seem to hear her though from the heavy talk of people walking around her. She pushed through crowds of people, almost losing sight of Spot. Finally she reached him and held out her arm. Her finger tips brushed against the back of his shoulder and he suddenly stopped, making Evelyn bump into him. “Evelyn?” he said, a little surprised. “So glad I caught up with you. You know, you walk pretty fast.” “What do ya want?” he said. Evelyn straightened her back, took a breath and said, “I’m so terribly sorry about last night!” Spot didn’t say anything. “Are you mad at me?” Spot shrugged. “Nah. Not really. But ta be poifectly honest…I’m a little disappointed.” Evelyn got a look of shame slapped across her face. “Oh…I’m really sorry, Spot. Last night I---“ “Last night don’ mean nothin’ anymore.” He said quickly with a little bit of irritancy in his voice. Evelyn bit her lower lip. “I…don’t know what to say.” “Don’ say nothing’.” He told her. “You really are mad at me, aren’t you?” Spot scoffed and started to walk away. Evelyn grabbed his shoulder, trying to make him turn around. “Don’ touch me!” he spat. Evelyn was a little shocked by his attitude. “Stop being so pissed off at me! You think you’re the only one who had a hard a time last night?” Spot stayed quiet, listening. “Last night that Charles guy asked me to marry him! I was so upset about this I almost told them that I’m in love with someone else…And besides that I haven’t been feeling all that well. My head has been killing me. And now you’re angry with me?” Spot sighed and looked to his feet for a second and then looked at Evelyn. “Well…Princess, the world isn’t fair. But I see your point. I don’ much like Charles either. You know that, but what you did last night…I mean, you could have at least came down ant told me yourself.” Evelyn wrapped her arms around herself. “I know I’m selfish at times and hide from my own problems, but last night was a complete mess and total accident. You HAVE to believe me!” Spot nodded. “Oh I believe ya.” “So you’re not mad…anymore?” Spot nodded slowly. Evelyn felt better and so did her head, but just a little. “So uh,” started Spot. “Whoes dis guy ya like? He a good guy?” Evelyn blushed. “Y-yeah. He reminds me of someone I once knew.” “Who?” “My boy---I mean, my dead boy friend.” Spot raised his brows. “Oooh. Yeah…right. Sorry.” Evelyn shook her head. “No, don’t apologize.” “So what’s he look like?” he asked her. “Maybe I know him? And I doubt you’se would give me his name so this is why I’m asking.” Evelyn was unable to control the giggle that escaped her mouth. Spot’s stomach flipped and he almost blushed at this. “He’s got dirty blonde hair, loves to wear a hat. He’s Irish, lives in Brooklyn and has very pretty eyes.” Spot thought for a while. “Hmmm…It’s not ringin’ any bells.” Evelyn bit down on her lip, trying not to smile. “Well…maybe you’ll get it later? But…I should probably head back with Evelyn and Bianca.” “Uhm…yeah. See ya, I guess.” “So…everything’s clear about us?” Spot nodded. Evelyn turned by Spot stood still watching her leave. She stopped suddenly, turned around and ran up to Spot, giving him a quick hug and then running off for sure this time. Spot was left totally flabbergasted by this and didn’t know what to think. He got a whiff of her sweet smelling hair and felt her soft body press up against his for a moment before running off. And Evelyn’s heart fluttered as she ran to catch up with Bianca and Sybelle. She did it. She finally did it! Even though it was short she enjoyed that moment of wrapping her arms around the person she loved once again. Chapter 15: The Note Book The circulation bells rang and Racetrack and his Friend, Finn Reardon went to the distrobution center to get their papes. Older kids like Kid Blink and dave Simons pushed their way to the fornt of the line and their papes first. When it came time for Racetrack to get his papers her plunked down 60 cents. "For the life of me, "he said, "I can't figure out why ten cents means so much to millionaires like Hearts and Pulitzer." Ractrack could have complained all he wanted to. But it wasn't going to do him any good. "It's not personl, kid. It's business." said the man who wore a name tag that said, Mr. Needle. Racetrack scowled. "It feels personal." Then the man named mr. Needle blew his whisle, shouting, "Next!" Racetrack said good-bye to Finn as they went to their selling spots. A lot of the newises around New York had stopped buying papes so there was always plenty to go around. There was talk of some people getting a strike together. It just wasn't fair! If there was going to be a strike, Racetrack would certainly join. Just as Race was half way done with selling his papes he saw the most prettiest face and very familiar. "Bianca!" he shouted out. She turned her head and smiled when she saw him and walked over right away. "Hi, Racetrack!" her pretty blond hair bounced at the last step she took towards him. Racetrack grinned and handed a paper to her. "Need a pape?" he asked. Bianca rolled her eyes and laughed a little. "Is that the reason why you had me come over here?" "Nah!...Well kinda," he inched the paper closer to her. "Desperate much?" she asked him. Race laughed. "Hey, Ima a newsie! We newsies have been cheated!" "Cheated? Oh right! I heard about the papers. How much did they raise it again." "I don' know. Buy my pape and find out." he teased. Bianca half smiled, rolling her eyes as she handed Racetrack a penny. "Pleasure doin' business with ya ma'm!" he tipped his hat. "Oh! Now I remember," Bianca said suddenly. "They raised it ten cents. Thats nuts!" "Ya tellin' me! And I'm the one that's gotta sell 'em!" "Any luck?" she asked him. Racetrack shrugged his shoulders. "I get buy. Less than before though." "I'm sorry." Bianca gave him a sad look. "Hey, don't sweat, sweet thing. I'm tough!" Bianca blushed and burst out in laughter. When she stopped she looked down at Racetrack and said to him, "Sweet thing?" "What? I say somethin' wrong?" Bianca shook her head. "No. It's just, I've never been called 'sweet thing' before." "Foist time for everythin', right?" he said. "Aparantly." agreed Bianca. Before Bianca was to turn away and walk home Racetrack called out to her. "Bianca! Say...there's a show goin' on t'night at the Ivering Hall in Manhattan. Some newsie boys an' me will be goin'. Wanna join?" Bianca thought for a while. "Umm. It's a school night." "So?" "So? I take my education seriously." This time Racetrack rolled his eyes. "Ya don' need to go everyday. 'Sides, ya could still go to school tomorrow." "I don't wanna be tired is what I'm saying. And shouldn't you be going to school too?" she asked him. "Who? Me? School? I'm smart enough already." "Is that so?" Bianca tilted her head to the side. "It is so." said Racetrack. "I'm so smart you would hardly believe it!" "Really?" "Really, really." He said. Bianca sighed and placed her hands on her hips. "I'll think about it." Racetrack looked a little surprised. He didn't he'd get this far. "Promise?" "Promise. Cross my heart and hope to die. I'll try to make it." "That's a pretty big swear, but ok. I'll take your word for it." "Alright. Bye, Race." "Seeya, Bianca." Racetrack went off selling the rest of his papes while Bianca walked home with a smile on her face. Evelyn walked the streets of Brooklyn window shopping. She hadn't done this in years. The last time she did this she was ten years old and with her mother on a Monday morning during the summer. They had just finished eating breakfast at a cute little cafe which was not built yet as Evelyn turned the corner and saw an empty lot. She headed down the sidewalk looking at all the nick-nacks and gifts placed in the window; she even passed a few clothing shops. It brought back good memories of her family and how much she missed those times. Hypotheticlly speaking those memories weren't even real yet. and neither were her parents or grandparents. She wondered if she could ever find her great grandparents. Would they already be together or perhaps they hadn't even met yet. Evelyn took a second look into a window she passed and walked back to it, gazing at a brown leather note book sitting in front of the window. She decided to walk into the little gift shop and check it out. The leather was smooth and the pages smelt real nice. She looked at the price and bit her lower lip. Two bucks! Where was she gonna get two bucks? The O'Brian's normally only gave the girls twenty cents a week. It would take Evelyn weeks to save up for this note book, but she felt like she needed it now. Besides, even if she was able to save up it would probably be snatched up by someone else. Evelyn held on to the note book for a while longer as she looked around the rest of the store. She saw angels and birds and even frogs and fish sitting on a glass stand. She walked around a bit more and stood behind a giant book shelf. Evelyn looked both ways and stuffed the leather note book into her bag. She didn't have to worry about cameras cause they werent invented yet, so stealing came easy enough. As she walked home she spotted Bianca laughing and talking to Racetrack. She stopped and stared at the two for a minute; she laughed to herself. The two looked like a young couple. How cute! She thought. Evelyn continued on her way back home, hand pressed up against her bag and feeling the note book. That evening as Evelyn laid down her bed after getting her night gown off she noticed that Bianca still had her regular outfit on. "Not tired?" Evelyn asked. Bianca smiled. "I promised Racetrack, that newsie boy, that I would try to make it to the Ivering Hall tonight. Says theres a show goin' on. Seems fun." Evelyn giggled. "Yeah, I saw you two earlier today. Seems you two have gotten close." Evelyn teased. Bianca turned bright red. "I-i-it's nothing like that at all! I assure you!" "Oh, you assure me, huh?" laughed Evelyn. Bianca placed her hands on her hips. "Hey now! You have Spot and I have Racetrack to talk to." "He's only someone to talk to? Sheesh, Bianca, that's rather harsh." Evelyn laughed as she continued to teas her friend. Bianca rolled her eyes and sighed. "Ok, you win. So I think Racetrack is a little cutey. So what? I'm four years older than he." "So?" said Evelyn. "Spot is three years older than me." "But he's a guy." Evelyn shook her head. "Doesn't matter. Age is just a number, ya know?" "Ok. So what if Spot was some thirty-five year-old man? Would you still like him the way you do now?" Evelyn nodded to this. "Of course! And if he was that old, pretty sure he would have already married me." She laughed. Bianca through a pillow at her friend. "AH! You can have such a dirty mind sometimes!" The girls had a fit of giggles until Sybelle knocked on their door and hushed them. The two held back their last laughed by convering their mouths. "When are you leaving?" asked Evelyn. "Soon." "Like...five minutes soon? Twenty minutes soon?" "More like an hour. Have to wait for Thomas and Sybelle to fall asleep first." Bianca then eyed the leather note book in her friends hands. "When did you get that?" "Today. I stole it though." Bianca's eye's went wide. "You STOLE it?" "Shh! Keep it down." Bianca looked to the door and then back at Evelyn. "Where?" "At a gift shop on my home." "Crazy person! What if someone saw you?" Evelyn waved a hand in front of her. "Don't worry. I made sure no one saw. Besides, it was so easy. No hidden cameras watching you." she smiled at this. "Oh! Evelyn Connealy! You are so weird! Anyway, what will you use it for? A journal?" Evelyn shrugged. "Something like that." After Bianca had left Evelyn turned on the Kerosine lamp and walked over to the writing desk and sat down with her note book. She took out the sharp feathered pin and dipped it in ink and carefully started writing. Dear, Spot, I'm not sure what to use this note book for, but I'm using you to write to. Even if you never see these pages you will always be someone I can talk to in this litle note- The ink on the tip of the feather pin splattered a bit. She took a breath and started writing again. It was the only way she would get used to writing like this. At school she used chalk so this was a whole new experience. She continued to write her letter. This note book will be a get-away when I am stuck on the hard times. Speaking of, its hard for me right now. Today I was reminded of the good times with my mother here in New York City. During the summer we would do lots of window shopping and eat at cute little cafe's. But most of those cafe's are not there...yet. You are probably wondering, "Why yet?" Maybe I will get to that point someday. As of right now, I want you to know more about me and my life; the things I hate, love and wish I could do and take back. Sincerly, Evelyn Connealy. chapter 16: A re-do Evelyn placed her chalk down next to her chalk board as Miss. Thorn walked by to check her answer. She nodded twice and moved on to the next person. Today in class they were having a test over the book, Romeo and Juliet. No matter how many times Evelyn watched that movie it never failed to make her cry and now that she had read the book it made he cry even more. When the bell rang adn the test was done everyone handed over their books to Miss. Thorn. Evenlyn grabbed her things and walked out of the school with Bianca at her side. For the past week and a half Bianca had been sneaking out late at night and going out to the Ivring Hall to hang out with Racetrack, Finn, Mush and all the other newises. Bianca would tell her how fun it was and begged to her come at times, but Evelyn would only shake her head. "Spot goes there sometimes." Bianca would taunt her friend by saying this and Evelyn would always blush. "Stop it! There is only three more months of school left." she put her brown school uniform coat around her more securely as the wind blew. "Why in the world is it snowing out! It's march!" Bianca laughed. "Oh come on! It's not that much. It's melting as soon as it hits the ground. Besides, we just started March." Evelyn looked down at her gloved hands and noticed that she still had the book, Romeo and Juliet in her hands. "Oh crud! Be right back. I have to give this back to Miss. Thorn-in-my-bum or it'll be the end of me for sure!" Evelyn ran the block back to the school and Bianca trailed behind her. Evelyn walked quickly to her classroom to return the book; perhaps too quickly as she entered the room to see a teary eyed Miss. Thorn. Before she noticed Evelyn she stepped back, pretending she never saw and then knocked on the door with her head down. Miss. Thorn quickly dabbed at the tears in her eyes with her sleeve, making sure there was no trace of her tears. "Yes? Come in." she said. Evelyn picked up her head and walked inside the classroom. The look on Miss. Thorn wore the same dull look on her face she saw Evelyn stand at the doorway. "Oh. Its you. What do you need?" Evelyn swallowed hard. "Um. I forgot to return this to you." she walked to Miss. Thorn's desk and placed the book down rather gengerly. "Shouldn't you have put it there when everyone else did?" Evelyn shrugged. "Forgot, I guess. Sorry. I'll be going now." Evelyn turned, heading for the door but then stopped. She turned back to face her teacher. "Um...if you ever want to talk to me about anything, don't hesitate. Ok?" with that Evelyn left behind a rather surprised teacher. The look on Miss. Thorn's face had changed in seconds and it was for the better. Evelyn and Bianca entered their shared room, throwing off their heavy coats and boots and putting on more comfortable attire to ware about the house. "You know...I think I catually said something right to Miss. Thorn today when I returned the book." Evelyn said this while taking off her coat and placing it on a hanger. Without turning around Bianca slipped on some slippers and rubbed her hands together. "Did ya now?" "Yeah...I said something kinda like, "If you ever wanna talk, I'm here"." Bianca laughed a little and turned to meet her friend. "What on earth made you say that ungodly sentence?" Evelyn crossed her arms. "Well...to be honest I caught her crying." "Cry? Miss. Thorn?" Bianca said in disbeliefe. Evelyn nodded. "Yes, it is strange, but seriously...I don't know what came over me." Bianca sat down on her bed and stretched. "Ah! I love living in this century, don't you?" Evelyn went to join her friend on the bed. She smiled, looking up at the ceiling with her hands behind her head. "It certainly is interesting." Bianca giggled. "If I could stay here forever, I would!" "Would you, really? And what do you mean by "if"?" Bianca sat up on her elbows and looked over at her friend. "Don't you remember what I told you before? One of these days were gonna have to wake up, Evelyn." Evelyn furrowed her brows. "I'd rather not." Bianca got a more sympathetic look on her face. "Try to have fun, Evelyn. This never happens to people. And even if it does, they wouldn't talk about it. I mean, who would believe them. If this had never happened to me and someone was trying to tell me that this happened to them, I would laugh my ass off at them." Evelyn let out a heavy sigh. "I wish I could stay here forever..." "Because of Spot?" Evelyn nodded to this. "Listen, Eve...I know how close you were to Scott and I know how you feel about Spot, but don't go falling in love that easily. Don't make him like you to the point of wanting to date you and possibly marry you. I know what it is I saw when I woke up in our time, Evelyn. It may not be pretty or going to be easy at first. But staying would not be good for us. Even if we did have a choice." "But what if we do have a choice?" Evelyn told her. Bianca scoffed at the very idea. "Don't be absurd! Tell ya what...to cheer you up...come to the Ivring Hall with me and Race tonight. It'll be fun and its not a school night either. And on the plus side, Spot might be there." Evelyn got up to be level with her friend. "First you tell me not to get too close to Spot and next you're telling me to go spend time with him." Bianca laughed a little. "Well...You can spend time with him...as friends...Just don't get all lovey-dovey with him." "Too late." "WHAT?!" Bianca said a little too loud. "...What?" Evelyn couldn't help but be the one laughing this time. "It happened a while ago. Don't worry." "A while ago? Evelyn, this happened...A WHILE AGO...And you are now just telling me about this? C'mon! What happened? Spill the goods! Now!" She sat up straight, ready to hear about all the goodies. "Well," started Evelyn. "A while ago I snuck out with Spot. He wanted to take me to an Irirsh Party." "Mhm...Go on." "And after the party...we sorta...kissed." Bianca's jaw dropped a little. "Kissed...Kissed how?" Evelyn thought back to that night and then blushed. She remembered the way Spot's lips moved and carressed her lips; the hint of his tongue lingering on her wet lips, begging for entrance. "Oh MY GOD! You made out with him!" Bianca's eyes went wide and so did her smile. "SHHH!" Evelyn shushed her friend. "It was hardly making out. It was for a few seconds and then he stopped." Bianca calmed herself down and asked, "Why? Just like that? He just stopped?" Evelyn nodded. "Yeah. I think he felt bad. Like, I think he thought he was taking advantage of me or something..." Bianca slapped a hand on her heart and said, "Evelyn, bless your nieve young, little heart!" "Oh quiet! You are hardly older than me." she blushed hard and crossed her arms. The two laughed it out and enjoyed the rest of their conversation. Evelyn was just glad that Bianca dropped the subject of leaving this time. The Ivring Hall was packed as usual and Bianca had managed to drag Evelyn along with while Racetrack, Finn, Mush and another newise fallowed behind. Ractrack placed a hand on Evelyn's shoulder, making her turn around. He leaned in close and whispered. "So uh...does Bianca have a Boy friend?" Knowing full well where this was going, Evelyn grinned. "Why ya ask?" He shrugged. "No reason." "Then I guess I've got no reason to tell you." she began to turn around but Racetrack stopped her. "H-hold one cotton-picken-minute," he took a breath before talking again. "I wanna be her boy friend. Does she have one already though?" Evelyn laughed a little. How cute was it that Racetrack had a thing for Bianca. "How old are you Racetrack Higgins?" Racetrack cleared his throat and then said, "Thirteen." he said this rather proudly. Evelyn raised a brow. "Too bad kid, Bianca's seventeen." Race scoffed. "I don' care. Now tell me, does she got a boy friend?" Evelyn shook her head. Racetrack looked like he was about to jump for joy and pump his fist in the air but contained himself as Bianca turned around, handing them each a piece pf chocolate. "They were handing them out by the handfull and only for 2 cents!" she handed them each two pieces. "Where you get your earnings, if ya don' mind me askin'?" asked Finn, the Irish newise who always wore his cap no matter what, unless a pretty lady walked by. "Evelyn and I are giving ten cents a week by Mr. and Mrs. O'Brian." "Really? That seems real nice." said Finn. Everyone nodded. Evelyn couldn't help but grin at Bianca as she ate her pieces of chocolate. "What?" asked Bianca. "Nothin'." "Then why you smiling at me all creepy like?" "Pffft! No reason at all. C'mon!" Evelyn shoved the rest of her chocolate in her mouth and grabed Bianca's hand. "Let's go dance!" Everyone was enjoying their time. The music was loud and catchy. It made you jump up from wherever you were standing and join in on the fun. People sang along with the music, others talked really loudly; some of the older folk sat at tables playing poker or having arm wrestling matches or contests to see who could drink the most before falling over, which was a heavly played "game". The lights were dim, but it was light enough to see everything and everyone, unless your top (meaning your head) was completely off from drinking too much. Evelyn was happy that she let Bianca talk her into coming. It might have been a little hot being surrounded by so many people and at times the smell would be most unpleasent, Evelyn enjoyed her time. Until that is someone ran into her, almost knocking her out of her shoes. "Oi! My apologies miss!" the young man looked up at her; some of his hair clung to his forehead because of the sweat but there was no mistaking those gorgeous eyes. "Spot!" Evelyn said. "Evelyn?" Spot said. Both were very surprised. "What ya doin' heah for goily?" Before Evelyn could answer him she was intrupted by someone knocking Spot to the floor. The two young men wrestled on the floor for a minute and then it suddenly stopped and Spot came at him with a firery fist and nailed him down flat. Spot srang up from the floor, meeting Evelyn's gaze. "Sorry 'bout that, Eve. C'mon!" "Wait, but...my friends..." Spot waved a hand at her, as in, don't worry about it, sort of wave and led her away from the passed out man that tackled Spot just seconds before. "I really didn't I'd see ya's heah." "Trust me," started Evelyn. "It wasn't my idea to come. Bianca talked me into it." Spot laughed a little. "Well, bless her heart. Been thinkin' 'bout cha anyway." Evelyn blushed. "H-have ya now?" Spot led her to a more quiet and secluded area of the buidling. "Yeah. Eveh since we last talked, been wantin' ta talk to ya more." "Me too." Evelyn admited. Spot looked a little surpised. "Really?" She nodded. "Mhm." Spot smiled and brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. He inched closer to Evelyn's face and whispered to her. "Do ya's know what else I'se been thinkin' about?" Evelyn shook her head. "That kiss." Evelyn blushed even more. "Oh...uh...Um...I see." "C'mon...Ya can't tell me that ya haven't thought about it." Evelyn looked down at her hands, twiddling nervously. "Is that why you brought me out here? To tell me this?" "Eh...Kind of. I mean...I want a new start on things. Ya know?" "On...us?" she asked. Spot nodded. "Exactly!" "And how do you suppose we do that?" Evelyn raised a brow and looked up at Spot. "I thought that maybe we could start by...re-doing that kiss." Evelyn didn't know what to say or do. She was at a lose for words. Her heart began beating so fast that she could hear it and thought that maybe Spot could hear it too. "Are you nervous?" he asked her. "We don't HAVE to kiss. We can just...talk some more if ya like?" Evelyn shook her head. "No. Kissings fine with me." Spot smiled and before moving in for the kiss he said, "Thats fine with me too." Their lips locked on to each other. Oh the sweet taste of Spot's lips on hers! Evelyn heavly yearned for this moment to happen again. She put her arms around Spot's neck and closed her eyes, she deepened the kiss by bringing herself closer to him and she felt him smile on her lips. Spot pressed her up against the wall and placed his hands on her hips and squeezed a little. Evelyn moaned with delight. There might have been no rainy effect or the sun setting behind them, but the sound of music in the background was drowned out by this very moment. Spot stopped kissing for a moment and asked, "More?" Evelyn only had to nod and Spot began kissing her again. This time he hoisted her up so that she was now stradling him. Any modest person walking by would have gotten a disgusted look on their face seeing Evelyn's black leggings and brown boots in the air while Spot held on to her thighs and pressed his body on hers more as they leaned against the wall. Little did they that someone WAS watching them. It wasn't Bianca or Racetrack and his gang, but someone so unpleasent that it would have ended Spot and Evelyn's hot moment right on the spot. There standing across the hall, lingering somewhat in the shadows as a few drunks walked passed him and out of the Ivring Hall was Charles Chapter 17: Close conflict Spot Conlon walked to work early in the morning. His hang over was kicking his ass and he knew work was not going to be any faster than it had been. In fact, it was going to be a lot slower than usual. His head left like it was ready to burst and his mood for peoples stupidty was lower than ever. He opened the door to the district where he worked and repositioned his pink suspenders for more comfort and sat down for work. It wasn't long before Charles came over with a handful of papers. "You need to fill these out." he told him. Not again, Spot thought. "Didin' I'se tell ya dat it's not me problem dat you can't get your own woik done?" "On the contrary," said Charles with a smirk. "This time these really are for you. Mr. O'Brian's orders. Don't wanna go makin' the bos angry now, do ya?" With that Charles lay the packet down. Spot stood up from his chair and pushed the papers back at him. "I don't believe ya. 'Sides, I'se got otheh fella's to be lookin' out for. I don' need these dumb papers keepin' me from doin' it. Take these papers back." Charles took a deep breath. "I understand that you are tired from your late night activities, but you have to take responsibility. I may not like you all that much, Conlon, but trust me on this when I tell you that these papers are for you to fill out." Spot placed a hand on the packet and lifted some of the pages to look at them. "Lat night activities huh?" Spot slammed his fist on the packet of papers. "I don' like it when people spy on me. Got that? You'se keep ya damn business to ya self why don't ya." Charles got an irritated look on his face and placed one hand in his pocket. "I'd be careful what you say, Conlon. Besides...Evelyn is a sweet girl. Don't you go messing with her head. She's my bride so keep your filthy Irish hands off of her." Filthy? Irish? Hands? Spot's face went red as he heard those words. He had not only insulted him but threatened him too. Spot bent his shoulder back and then WHAM! Spot swung his fist at Charles as hard as he could and turned his fist at the right moment like a screw, knocking Charled flat to the floor. A little taken back from Spot's blow, Charles slowly picked himself back up. He touched his lower left side lip and winced in pain. He looked at his fingers that had a good amount of blood on them and then looked back at Spot and glared at him. "You son of a bitch!" he spat. Spot sneered at him. "You insult me, you threaten me, and you spy on me. I'se think I'se got plenty of reason punch you!" "Just wait till Mr. O'Brian hears of this. It will be the end of you!" "Oh yeah sure. Go ahead. Tell on me ya little pansy princess. I'se still be heah waiten for ya. By the way...take ya damn papers...I know ya lies real good, dumbass." A few minutes later Mr. O'Brian showed up in front of spot. He placed his palms on the desk and look right at Spot. "Drink too much las' night, lad?" he asked him. He could tell spot had by the circles under his eyes. Spot groaned. "So what?" Mr. O'Brian sighed and crossed his arms. "How old are ya, Spot?" "Nineteen." "That's old enough to know, hang over or not, that you should not start a fight with a man you work with." "Dat ol' good-for-nothin'-sack of- crap tried makin' me do his paper woik." Mr. O'Brian looked over at charles. "This true?" Charles quickly shook his head. "Oh what the fu-" "Spot! I'll not be toleratin' that kind of language. Now you two betteh shape up or I'll fire the both of ya. Back to work!" With that he stormed out with Charles right behind him. After work the hang over was wearing off and Spot didn't feel much like crap anymore. In fact he was really hungry and walked past a couple by a window eating lunch together. It made him sick how he couldn't aford such a nice meal. It made him sick that he couldn't have a girl of his own...well...there was Evelyn, but she was so confusing. Of course though, Spot could usually read most girls pretty easily, but Evelyn was something else and he loved that he couldn't figure her out right away. He liked to keep guessing, wonderin what would be flying out of her mouth next. He liked her so much because she wasn't like other girls. She wasn't always trying to be so proper in front of him. She was just herself. Evelyn was also good at kissing. He's had a few other girls that he's kissed but none compaired to Evelyn. Spot got to thinking about that kiss even more and how much of an ass he was to have taken an advantage of her like that. Even if she did agree to it, he should have known better. So he mentally kicked himself for it. Just then he looked up as he heard soft giggles and stopped dead in his tracks. Across the street he saw Evelyn and Bianca walking. They didn't seem to notice him and were probably walking home from school. Spot also liked the fact that Evelyn was smart, still in school and a good person. Him on the other hand, he had gotten into his fair share of fights and dropped out of school to help pay the bills. He was fourteen when he was forced to quick.; right in the middle of the year. Least he had made it to the 7th grade. Most of his friends didn't. Now he wasn't stupid or anything, in fact Spot seemed to be too smart for his own good. "Hey Spotty!" Spot turnede to see Racetrack right behind him. "Racetrack? Hey! And don' call me 'Spotty'. It's weird." Racetrack laughed and sold a pape to a nearby businessman. "Pleasure doin' business, sir." he said and then turned to Spot. "How ya been, Spot. Haven't seen ya for a whiles." Spot nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Still sealin' papes?" Racetrack grinned and nodded. "Yeah...for the time bein'. Gettin' reeaal fed up with this 60 cents per 100. Some newsboys are talkin' 'bout startin' a stike." "Really?" said Spot. "I'se jus' love t'see that happen." "Hey it will! Trust me." Just then he looked passed Spot and saw Bianca and Evelyn passing the street. "Whoa...Looky who I found." Spot turned and realized who Racetrack was talking about. "Evelyn and Bianca you mean?" Racetrack grinned. "Ya think I got a chance with Bianca?" Spot raised a brow at him. "You? With an older woman? Sorry. Can't see dat happenin'." "What? Not you too?" Spot laughed a little. "Have people been tellin' ya that?" "More that I would like to admit, but...yes." Spot looked back at Racetrack and patted him on the shoulder. "Good lucke, Race." Race nodded once and went to sell the rest of his papers. Racetrack often came to Brooklyn to sell his papes seeing how he had most luck here. Spot ran to catch up with Evelyn and Bianca and called out to them. The girls stopped and were a little surprised to Spot. "Spot?" said Evelyn. "Umm...hi." Bianca looked at the two and through her hands in the air. "Ok, well I'm gonna be off. Got lots of work that needs to be done. By Evelyn and see you around Spot!" It was quiet between the two and Spot was the first to talk. "She did that on purpose, didn't she?" "Yeah." Evelyn quickly responded to this. She then noticed that he didn't look all that great and asked him what was wrong. Spot scratched the back of his head and said, "Yeah...'bout dat...Listen...the otheh night. I was a little drunk and took advantage of you more than I would like to admit. Sorry for that." Evelyn was a little taken aback to hear him say this. After all she allowed him to kiss her; in fact she enjoyed it. "What...why are you sorry?" She aked him. "I let you kiss me. So what if you were a little drunk. You weren't THAT drunk to not know what you were doing." "But I'm the man...I should take more-" "Whoa! Wait...Stop right there. You're the man? Is that what you seriously just said to me?" Spot wasn't sure if she was angry with him or not so he just shrugged his shoulders. "Spot...I'm not mad at you," Spot loosened up a bit now. "In fact, I'm a little confused as to why you would even say that. It doesn't matter if you're the man, Spot. And it doesn't matter if I'm the woman. So what? Does tha mean I have less of a right to say yes or no? No! The point is we both wanted it. Enough said." Awkward silence began to reach it climax and Spot finally spoke. "So...dats it?" he asked. "That's it." she told him. "You wanna walk me home?" she smiled up at him. Spot blushed a little. "Yeah...Sure." "So...," said Spot, really wanting to talk to her more. "Charles tells me dat you'se his bride to me." Evelyn looked up at him, shocked. "WHAT?" Spot nodded, amused by her reaction. "Told me this mornin'. Got in a fight with him." "A fight? Really? What happened?" "Well...foist he insulted me, then he spied on me and then he threatened me so I punched his good-for-nothin' face." Evelyn laughed a little. "You'se think dats funny?" Spot asked her, shocked. Evelyn quickly cleared her throat. "Well...just the way you said it. Besides he deserves. And for the record, I'm not his "bride". Looks like I'll be having a talk with Mr. O'Brian when I get home." "You'se is one strange goily. Ya know dat?" "Good or bad thing?" she asked him. Spot smiled. "Good thing." They finally stopped in front of the O'Brian's home and stood facing each other. "I'm surprised you caught me walking home." said Evelyn. "Mr. O'Brian let me go early this time I guess." Evelyn nodded to this. "Mmm...Yeah. I like you Spot. I really do." Spot's heart jumped a little. "Yeah?" Evelyn nodded and smiled. "I'se like ya to Eve." Evelyn blushed. "Well that's obvious, don't you think? I mean...with the kissing and all." Spot laughed a little. "Yeah...guess ya right." Evelyn was about to walk up the steps but Spot called out to her and stopped to look back at him. "Evelyn...Why you'se so different from othehs? I mean...you and Bianca. Ya both so...different." Evelyn took a deep breath. "Do we seem that much different?" she asked him. "Well...You talk as if you aint scared of what people think 'bout ya." "I'm not scared. I am who I am, take me or leave me." "Ya see? Most people don' talk like that. I mean... not sayin' I think it's bad...I actually kinda like it." Evelyn blushed. "Also been meanin' t'ask ya somethin else too." "What is that?" "Where you from? Cause you obviously don' act like you'se from Brooklyn...Or New York much less." Evelyn smiled and shook her head some. "Spot...I can assure you I'm from New York City. Sometimes it's just good to have different people around, right?" Spot nodded to this. "Right...Well...be seein' ya, Eve. Don' catch no cold." "Right. Good-bye, Spot." That night after supper and Mr. O'Brian was in his study room, Evelyn walked in, closing the door behind her and sat down in a chair in front of his desk. Mr. O'Brian set his things down and looked over at Evelyn. "Yes, Evelyn?" "Why is Charles Vanham telling people that I am his bride-to-be?" He seemed a little shocked by this. "What? I'm not sure what you mean by this." Evelyn sighed. "I told both you AND him that I am not marrying him! I don't love him and you can't make me marry him. I'm not even your real child." Mr. O'Brian cleared his throat. "Right...You are absolutely right. I will talk to him right away tomorrow. But tell me this...who told you such a thing?" "Spot Conlon told me." He shook his head and laughed a little bit. "That boy," he said. "Evelyn, do you fancy Mr. Conlon?" Evelyn blushed. "Well...he's a good friend of mine. Someone I can trust." He nodded. "I understand that, but I'm not sure if he's the type of person you want to be involved with." This urked her a little bit. "Why not? He obviously works for you so that's GOT to count for something, right?" "Yes, yes," he said. "I am just thinking of your future. Spot Conlon is a poor, young man caring for his family right now. Starting a relationship and feeling his head with nonsense is not something either of you need." Evelyn's feelings were hurt a little. She scoffed. "So marrying charles is the better choice? Is that what you're saying?" He shook his head. "No, no. I'm just...concerned. I found you and Bianca sitting alone on the streets and wanted to give you girls a proper home. I just knew that it was the right thing to do and I want to continue doing the right things for you." "But there comes a time when I must do things myself, right? Well then let me make my own friends. Spot Conlon is a good person. I know he is and anyone who says different will be dealing with me! He may have his rough adges buts that only because of the life he's lived so far! And I should know. I've been around plenty of all that. I have seen and done things that would never imagen possible!" "What on earth do you mean?" he asked her. knowing that she had gone too far and said too much she stopped herself. "I...I have nothing more to say." Evelyn got up and left his study room, leaving him completely clueless. Evelyn felt stupid for blabbing all that out. She went to her room and flopped on her bed. She had had enough! She looked towards Bianca who was rubbing her head and asked what was wrong. "Ugh...I'm fine...It's just a stupid headach. Been bothering me ever since last night." "Maybe you should have sybelle make you some honey tea?" Bianca leaned to the night stand and grabbed her honey tea. "She already made me some." she sniffed the tea before taking a sip. "Ah! Taste so good. So how was the talk with Spot?" she asked her friend. Evelyn began to take off her clothes and grabbed for her winter night gown on the edge of the bed where she left that morning and slipped it on. "It was good." "How good?" "Real good." "Did you two kiss?" "N-no..." "Ah! Lame." Bianca gulped down the rest of her tea and slipped into bed. "I sure like it hear." "Hmm. Me too." agreed Evelyn. "I kind of don't want to leave...Does that sound selfish of me? I mean...we do have family back at home." Yeah," Evelyn nodded. "But ya know...I'd like to stay here too instead of going back." "Yeah..." The girls felt like they were about to cry and then said at the same time, "Let's not go back if we can help it." they laughed at themselves. So it was settled. If the girls could find a way to stay...they would. Chapter 18: Green Sleeves Evelyn sat in her chair at school, looking straight at the clock on her teachers desk. She had finished her work early and wasn't allowed to leave until the bell rang. Evelyn looked over to her friend, Bianca who had just finished her work looked over as well and gave a small smile. Ever since the day that Evelyn walked in on Miss. Thorn sniffling things had been different. Different as in she wasn't always on her case and scratching at her back for the tiniest of things. When the bell finally rang, Evelyn and Bianca grabbed their things and headed straight to the door to the hallway after dropping off their papers. It was still a little chilly but the weather had gotten better. The girls had a month of school left and were excited for the summer. It would be their first time in New York City in 1899. It would give them the opportunity to explore new things and stay up late and meet new people. Perhaps the girls could sell newspapers too and see what it was like to be a newsie. Even if it would just be for a little while, the experience is what would matter the most. After walking a few blocks someone called out the girls' names. When they turned their heads they saw Racetrack, Finn, and Mush running towards them. "Hey you guys!" said Bianca. Evelyn smiled and gave them a small wave. "Hiya, Bianca!" said Racetrack in his usual spunk way. "Jus' gettin' off work?" The girls nodded. "That's great! You got free time?" Bianca and Evelyn looked to each other and then looked back at the boys. "What you got in mind?" asked Bianca. Before Racetrack could answer, Mush did it for him. "We'se goin' to a dance this evenin'. Wanna go?" The girls thought for a few seconds. "What time?" asked Evelyn. "Ya mean, what time it starts? Ten O'clock." explained Finn. Bianca bit her lower lip witch made Racetrack blush (hardly though) as he noticed her do this. "I don't know," she said to them. "what do you think, Evelyn." "I say we go." "You sure?" Evelyn nodded. "Why not?" The boys smiled. "Nice!" Said Racetrack. "We'se be pickin' ya up thirty minutes till ten. Meet us outside. Sound good?" The girls nodded. Finn then shouted out a headline as he saw a man just walk out of a near-by building. He still had a few papes to sell and said goodbye to his friends. Mush on the other hand spotted a pretty girl adn soon left after. Leaving Racetrack with the girls he cleared his throat and gave them a slight wave goodbye. When the girls reached home they smelled food cooking and...hot chocolate? "Mmm! What id that smell?" asked Evelyn. "That would be bean and meat soup," said Sybelle walking to the front of the door to meet the girls. "and coming right up soon is hot chocolate. I haven't made that in so long I hope it taste like it used to be." The girls followed Sybelle into the kitcken were Sybelle started to pour the hot chocolate into small tea cups. She handed them to the girls and they quickly put it up to their noses and sniffed. "I'm sure it taste as good as it smells." said Evelyn. And then she took a sip, burning her tongue, but only slightly. Bianca took her first sip a little after and closed her eyes and smiled. "I think it taste wonderful. Thank you, Sybelle!" Sybelle nodded to this and smiled back. "Glad to hear it. Don't drink too much though, you will spoil your supper." When supper was about done a knock came to the door. Bianca stood up first from reading her book and said, "I'll get it!" and ran to the door. Evelyn stayed by the piano practicing a song and trying to read the complicating notes. When Bianca opened the door she was surprised to see who it was and felt bad for her friend instantly. "Oh. Hello, Charles. Can I help you?" Charles pretty much invited himself in as Bianca asked him this and hung his light gray coat on the coat hanger and his black flat hat. "As a matter fact, you can. I am here for supper. The O'Brian's invited me." He then stopped and listened to the soft music of the piano in the background. "Whose is playing?" he asked walking into the house a little more. Bianca rested her hands on her hips and said, "That would be Evelyn, but Mr. and Mrs. O'Brian are in the dining room getting things ready. So if you want to talk to-" she was cut off though not by Charles talking but instead he started walking away, following the sound of the piano. Bianca sighed out of irritancy and followed him. As Charles walking in the sight of Evelyn amazed him. At first she did not notice him and continued playing. Her brows furrowed as she tried to play the middle part of the song and then stopped; she sighed and looked over to where Charles was standing and jumped back a little her seat. Bianca showed up soon after and walked right past him picking up her book and placing it back on the book shelf. "Have you been playing for long?" Charles asked her. Evelyn shrugged. "A few months," she told him truthfully. Bianca clapped her hands together to break the awkward silence between them and said, "Ok! Whose hungry? I think supper is getting set out on the table as we speak." she gestured them to follow her and left the room quickly. Evelyn was right behind her and soon Charles followed suit. All throughout supper, Evelyn kept glancing over at Mr. O'Brian and gave him a glare, one that only he would be able to see. He did see and he knew exactly why she was doing it; he had invited Charles to supper and she was going to find out why. Charles on the other hand would ocasionally glance over at Evelyn. Bianca would see this and stare at him. When he finally noticed her uneasy stare he stopped and took a bit from his plate. During this whole time, Sybelle was completely blind to the whole thing and continued to carry on the conversation. After Charles had some small talking with Thomas he escorted him out, thanking him that he came. Charles returned the thank you and tipped his hat to the Bianca, Sybelle and Evelyn who stood behind him. After he was gone everyone scattered. Both Sybelle and Bianca retreated to their rooms and Evelyn decided to follow Thomas to his study room. Evelyn closed the door gently behind her and sat down in front of Mr. O'Brian's desk. "Why did you do it?" "Do what? Invite Charles?" Evelyn sat up straighter and said, "Yes." Thomas cleared his throat. "I think you should give him a second chance. He's really not that bad of a man, Evelyn." Evelyn rolled her eyes. Mr. O'Brian saw this and said to her, "Please, do not roll your eyes at me. I'd like to know why you don't enjoy Mr. Vanham's company?" "Well for one thing," Evelyn started. "I have no physical attraction to him and secondly we have nothing in common, and lastly, I...," she sighed. "just forget about it." "Sometimes we become attracted to those once we get to know them." he told Evelyn. "That's not the point!" Evelyn said that coming out a little louder than she had expected. "Thomas...Mr. O'Brian, please don't try to force this on me anymore." Thomas rested his left fist on his cheek and smiled a little. "Just give Charles one more chance. If you still refuse him, I will not ask you again, but humor me please and try." Evelyn said nothing to this and left him to do his work. As ten neared around the corner, the girls readied themselves for the dance. "So what kind of dance do you think this is?" asked Bianca putting on a more comfortable dress with long white sleeves and stockings while the base of it was a light soft yellow. Bianca looked nice in yellow that stopped a little after it reached her knees and she spun around to give the dress a try for dancing. "If it is anything like the dance that Spot and I went to it will be a blast." said Evelyn tying up the last bit of her brown leather boots. She wore a similar dress to Bianca only it was all white and had a black bow to go around the waste and button on the three-quarter length sleeves. "Good," said Bianca. I would love to go to an Irish dance pater. Next time Spot takes you to one you have GOT to invite me!" Evelyn laughed and agreed to take her without a second thought. Racetrack, Finn and Mush met the girls outside right in time. The five young kids traveled along the streets of Brooklyn, watching out for already drunk idiots. "Were going further and further away from up-town." said Bianca. "Yeah so?" said Racetrack. "Where we are goin' is down-town." "The dance is down-town? What kind of dance is this?" Evelyn asked. "It's a dance with different types of music: Italian, Irish, German, you name it!" Finn said. "Trust us, you will love it! Lots of people are going to be there." As expected the place was filled with people who were already singing and dancing. "Let's pick a place closer to the stage and watch the band." said Mush. The group followed him and he started to dance right away. Bianca and Evelyn didn't know what it was, but something about Newsie boys dancing was just so hot. They stood there for a few minutes just watching him move his hands and feet. Finn did his irish dance while Racetrack tried to copy him. Once the girls got more comfortable they too began to try and dance like Finn. Evelyn was a little more familiar with Irish dancing and followed along better than Bianca who always seemed to be a few steps behind. The music played on and on. There was no stop to it and it never seemed like there would be. All different kinds of musicians sat up on stage and played their home made instruments, tapping their feet to the rhythm of the music. It was crazy fun for everyone. It seemed that at moments like this everyone got along pretty well with each other, smiling, laughing and telling adult-like jokes which Evelyn and Bianca found hilarious. As the night went on the crowd got a little smaller. Some of the older folk went home and the really young kids headed off too. In the crowd though was Spot. He had just got done finishing his first pint when he noticed Evelyn and Bianca dancing. Surprised and very happy to see them, especially Evelyn he got up from his seat and walked on over through the crowd. He patted Evelyn on the shoulder and turned her around. Her eyes grew wide as she saw him. "Spot? What ya doing here?" He laughed a little. "What am I doin' heah? Havin' a blast that's what? And I'se should be askin' ya that not you." "Racetrack and his friends invited us along." she told him. Spot looked over at Racetrack who acknowledged him with a short smile and continued to dance and sing with Finn and Mush and once in a while scooted near Bianca to show her a few moves. "Do ya like the party so far, Eve?" Spot asked her. Evelyn nodded to this. "I sure am!" "How ya manage to get outa the house?" Evelyn laughed a little. "Very carefully." she told him. Spot smiled to this. "I'm glad to meet ya heah. Looks like I can you'se some new moves. I feel a Irish song comin' on." and surely there was an irish song coming up next. It started up with the claps of the people and beat of the small drums and the soft sound of the fiddles. Spot lifted one leg and set it down in front of the other and set it behind quickly. He did this with his other leg and repeated the process one more time. "You try." he said. Evelyn tried to copy him but failed the first time. She tried again getting the first part of it down and messed up with the second leg. Spot laughed at this and enjoyed her try-out of Irish dancing. "How 'bout ya jus' watch me for 'while eh?" Evelyn nodded and watched as he moved his feet quickly. During his dance he unbuttoned the two buttons on his shirt and slid off one suspender strap and continued dancing. There was just something about Spot Conlon dancing, moving his feet and occasionally thrusting his hips slightly with his hands stuffed in his pockets that made Evelyn want him even more. How on earth did she get so lucky? By this time Racetrack retreated to some chairs where Finn followed him. Mush on the other hand found a new group of guys to dance and sing with leaving Bianca to join up with Spot and Evelyn. The up beat music did not last for long after that though and Bianca went to join Racetrack and Finn for a rest. As the soft Irish tunes started up Evelyn listened closely. "I've heard this before," she said aloud. "It's green sleeves. You should know, you're Irish." Evelyn nodded. "Of course! Duh." the two laughed. Spot then quickly asked her. "Let's dance this one." Evelyn raised a brow. "How do intended to dance to a slow song like this?" she asked him. "Jus' like this," and he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. Evelyn's cheeks got hot and it wasn't because of the crowded area. "Uhm...Spot. I'm not sure I can dance to this song." "Pfft! No worries there doll face. I'll be leadin' the whole way. 'Sides, it's not every day I gets to dance with a pretty goil like you." Evelyn blushed with embarrassment and hid her face in Spot's chest. She could smell his sweat, but it was a good smelling sweat and she closed her eyes, listening to the music. Towards the end of the song Spot asked, "Eve...I've got some important things to tell ya." "Like what?" She looked up at him. Spot thought for a while of what he should and finally he just said it. "Evelyn, doll face...I'd like ya to be my goil." Evelyn was surprised to hear this yet at the same time she saw it coming. "You mean...like a girl friend?" Spot nodded once. "Yeah." Evelyn smiled big. "Sure. I'll be your girlfriend." It was Spot turn to feel hot now. "Ah...That's great," he ran his fingers through her hair once and looked straight at her. "Eve...This time I'm thinkin' straight. I know what I want and it's you." he leaned in and kissed her. The warm, wet, and softness of the kiss sent shivers down both their spines. We they finally broke apart, Spot confessed, "I don' got lots of money, Eve, but I hope I can make ya happy." Evelyn smiled sweetly and kissed him again. "You already do and you have no idea how relieved I am to feel this way again." Spot stopped suddenly. "Again...? What do you mean?" Evelyn realized what she had said and quickly explained herself. "I haven't been this happy in a long while. I used to have very close, loving people surrounding me, I mean I still do, but so many things have happened in these past couple of months that I'm glad I met you." Spot nodded. "I hope you're bein' honest wit' me, Evelyn." Evelyn nodded. "Trust me. I am. You have nothing to worry about." As the last bit of the song finished, Evelyn leaned in and kissed him again. "Ah, right ya two love birdys!" Racetrack slapped the two of them on the back and started walking towards the small stage. Spot took off his hat and slapped Racetrack with it. "Ya little shit!" he grinned. Racetrack hauled himself up on to the stage along with a few other people. Bianca and Finn came up along a while later, and Mush had run off with someone else. "Racetrack, what are you doing?" "Dancin'!" he called out. Racetrack held out his hand to Bianca and she grabbed it, hauling her up. "Have ya heard this song?" he asked her. Bianca shook her head. Racetrack looked a little shocked. "Jus' follow my lead then," and he began dancing slow at first, matching the rhythm of the music. He slicked his jet black hair back with his hand and then slipped his hat back on. Finn, Spot and Evelyn stood at the bottom of the stage and watched them. Spot cheered them on and Finn clapped his hands while Evelyn just watched with a huge smile on her face. Bianca might have made fun of her and Spot but now she had good reason to make a little fun of her and Racetrack now. She giggled at the thought. Spot turned to Evelyn and the two burst out in laughter. He grabbed Evelyn's hands and started to spin her around fast. Evelyn's hair lashed around her face, laughing and pleading Spot to stop, but all he did was laugh. His hat then flew off and Finn ran to pick it up before getting stopped on or stolen. The music was lively and the people there made the magic spark. While Racetrack and Bianca danced on the small stage, they started to run out of breath, laughing at the sudden mistakes they were now making because their feet could no longer keep up with the music. Finally the music stopped and both Bianca and Evelyn fell on their bums, tired. Spot looked down at Evelyn and smiled. She couldn't stop laughing and her sides were starting to hurt because of it. Evelyn laughed so hard that she snorted. This surprised Spot a lot for it was the first time he had ever heard a girl snort while laughing. "AHA! Lookit ya! Snortin' while laughin'!" He reached his arm out and pulled Evelyn up on her feet. Her face was red from embarrassment. Spot didn't care though and only patted down her hair that started to stick up from the dancing. Her face got redder from them. "Ya look a little flushed, Eve. Wanta get some fresh air?" He looked to the rest of his friends. "I think we'se could all use some fresh air." The cool air did them some good, but Mush was still nowhere to be seen. "Where did that damn Mush go?" Spot asked. "He uh," Racetrack started. "He uh...ran off again." Spot nodded once to this. "Ah. I see now." he cleared his throat. "Wait!" said Bianca suddenly. "What time is it?" Everyone was quiet for a moment. The streets seemed more clear than when they first came. Time must have skipped more than thought. "Must be 'round twelve." said Spot. Evelyn gasped. "Really? I hope no one has woken up back at the house." "You'se wants to head home now?" Spot asked her while sniffing his nose. The cold air was getting to him. All of a sudden Mush showed up with them at the front of the doors, stumbling out and laughing. "Is he drunk?" Bianca asked. "The dumb idiot probably stole some shots from the drunk ones and got himself drunk." Racetrack helped his friend to his feet and slapped him playfull across the face a few times. "Hey dumbass!" he said jokingly. Mush shook his head and balanced himself out. "Yeah...Poifectly fine." he belched soon after and grimaced. "Neveh drinkin' whisky again." he mummbled. Racetrack and Spot laughed at him. On the other hand, Evelyn and Bianca were a bit concerned. "I think now is the best time to be headin' back." "Good thinkin'." Spot agreed. "Let's head towards my place foist. It'll be the fastest way to get the goils home." Everyone agreed to this and decided to follow Finn. On the way there, Mush randomly started up songs, mummbling them or humming or even whistling. Compared to everyone's ears though their preferred Mush to whistle which he did the least of. Suddenly he stopped making everyone else stop. "What ya doin'?" Spot asked him. Mush leaned his head to a shack a man was in. His door was open and the smoke from the fish he was frying in the pan came floating out. It smelt really good. "Oh Gods." said Racetrack. "What? What's he doing?" Bianca asked. "Jus' watch." he told her. Mush managed to climb his way up to the man's shack roof and pulled down his pants and planted his naked butt atop of iron chimney. The girls gasped as they watched Mush let loose. Within seconds the man jumped up from where he was standing and started cursing in Italian. Racetrack's eyes grew wide and he yelled, "Run for it!" The five of them ran for it while Mush pulled up his pants, making his way down the shack roof as he went. The mad Italian man came running after them only soon to lose him. After running a few blocks the Italian man stopped and cursed some more, falling flat on his bum. Spot laughed and pointed. "Hahaha! Look at the fat arse! Can't get one of us even with Mush's pants half way up his white little arse!" he then stopped, realizing that he had two young ladies around him. He glanced over at Evelyn and Bianca who raised their brows and then started laughing. "I don' think they care 'bout cursin', Spot." by this time Mush finally caught up with them. His face was red. "That fat Italian fish man almost got my hide!" Racetrack laughed and shoved him a bit. "Ya idiot! Coulda got us in some crap! Literally!" Finn cleared his throat after gaining some breath and said, "My house is jus' up the block from heah. I can walk the rest of the way," he then looked to Racetrack, his best friend. "You wanna stay the night. Sure my mum and dad won't mind. They like you." Racetrack nodded to this. "Yeah. Betteh then staying with my grandma and hella beats paying for a lodging house." "We'll see ya some otheh time." said Finn. Him and and Racetrack waved, leaving the group. "Oh! Uh... Bye Bianca!" Racetrack shouted out. Bianca smiled a little and waved back. She sighed and turned to her friends. "Gettin' tired...better hurry up." After a few more blocks, Mush said goodbye and turned his corner. Spot asked if he wanted them to walk with him but Mush thought it best to get the girls back as soon as possible. So now Spot was left with Evelyn and Bianca at his side. It was up to him to get them home safely. On the other hand, Bianca and Evelyn enjoyed the night sky of New York. This was the first time that they had stayed out so late together in the time of New York. It was like being in there for the first time. There were not as many lights, but it still looked spectacular. As they neared the O'Brian house they noticed that there was a dim light lite. The girls stomachs' tightened. "Uh ok..." Evelyn said. "What?" Spot asked. "The lights...they're on." Bianca cursed. "Damn..." They all walked up the stairs, Bianca leading and Spot at the end. When Bianca opened the door there was Mr. O'Brian waiting for them. His wife, Sybelle was sitting in the living room on the couch sniffling her nose. "Thomas! Is that...them?" Charles came walking in, his hair was unkempt and his face looked white. He turned away from Thomas and saw the three standing in the doorway. His face flushed mad red. "You..." he said looking at Spot. Thomas stepped in front of him and looked at them all. "Where have you been?" it was a simple question yet it was so hard to answer. "We-" Spot began. "Silence!" Thomas shouted at him, making Spot take a step back. Mr. O'Brian looked to the girls. "Where were you?" "Dancing." Bianca said. Sybelle walked in this time. "Dancing? Where?" "At..." Evelyn Began. "At a club?" Charles finished for her. The three said nothing. "Do you have any idea how worried we were?" Said Sybelle. "From now on, Abigail will be walking you to and from school. You are no longer to go out on the weekends. You are to be grounded hear till the start of summer. Understood?" The girls knew that Sybelle was serious for this was the first time they had ever seen her so upset and her voice sounding so stern; the girls could only nod. Mr. O'Brian saw that Evelyn and Spot were holding hands and cleared his throat. He motioned the girls to go upstairs. It was just Spot now and he knew he was in trouble. "You..." said Charles. "You put this sweet, young and innocent girls in danger by taking them to a club? How dare you!" Thomas held up a hand to quiet him. "It wasn't my fault! I was jus' taken' them home!" Thoms shook his head. "Spot...you can be a good lad at times and otheh times...ya just don' know when to stop an' think." "What he's saying, Spot Conlon is that he doesn't believe you." Charles cut in. "This aint none of ya damn business!" Spot fired back. Sybelle walked out of the room by this time and went to her room. "It is MY business, Mr. Conlon! I am Evelyn's Fiance." Spot narrowed his eyes and looked to Thomas. "Ya can't be serious." Mr. O'Brian nodded. "I am. After tonight, I find Charles to be a suitable husband for her." "And what about Bianca?" Spot quiestioned. "You don' seem ta be poundin' down on her 'bout marriage." "There has not been a man in her life that I know is interested or if she is even interested in any man at the moment." Spot scoffed and shook his head. "And ya Evelyn is ready? You think Evelyn's got a man of her own she really wants?" Mr. O'Brian walked up close to Spot and looked him dead in the eyes. "Oh I know she has her sights on someone and that someone is not a man. He's a boy still many ways." spot said nothing. "It's you, Spot. It's you she thinks she likes." Spot swallowed hard and Thomas went on. "You are not FIT to take care of her. Evelyn may not be my daughter but I think of her as one and as a father figure to her I do not see you fit to be her husband!" The words slapped Spot right in the face. "Please...let me explain." he pleaded with Mr. O'Brian. "I think you have done enough here, Spot." said Charles. "Stop tryin' ta butt in! Why...Why is he even heah?!" he said to Thomas. "That's nothing for you to be concerned about." said Thomas. Spot was pissed. He was only walking the girls home. He took no part in bringing them to the dance. "Please let me explain myself! I was only walking them home!" But Thomas shook his head. "I've heard enough. You should leave now. And I better not catch you talkin' me girls anytime soon." he practically pushed Spot out of the house and closed the door in his face. Spot stood there, humiliated and worried. He did something good for the man he worked for and his kindness was slapped in his face with harsh words. And he was worried about Evelyn. How would she handle this? How would she handle Charles? If he lays one hand on her head, Spot thought, there will be hell to pay! Finally, he stuffed he hands in his pockets and headed for home. There was nothing left for him to do and even a pint of beer was of no interest to him. Mr. O'Brian walked up the stairs to the girls room and let himself in. Evelyn and Bianca stood by each other and looked over to him. It looked like they had been talking. "Evelyn," he said, "You are to forget about Spot Conlon. He may be a good worker, a good son and brother to his family...but I cannot count on him being a good husband...reliable." "What do you mean?" she asked him. Thomas closed his eyes for a second and shook his head. "I know that you have feelings for him." Evelyn could say nothing for this was clearly true. "You are to marry Charles Vanham." Bianca gasped. "What? You can't just DO that! She's not your daughter!" "And this is not your house!" he raised his voice. "I brought you both in out of kindness and this is how you repay me? All I asked was that you behave and go to school to get a good education and you are messing that all up!" he was angry now. The girls had never seen him angry and it scared them. He walked up closer to them. "I don't know who you two think you are, but I am only doing what I think is best. Both Sybelle and I want you to have good futures." he looked Evelyn. "Charles will be a great supportive and reliable husband and father." "But I don't love him..." she said. Thomas pushed Bianca to the side and took a strong hold on to Evelyn's shoulders. "It's not about love! It's about surviving! In this day and age you must do everything you can do! This is not just some fairy tale world you live in! You will marry Charles or so help me God, I will-" he was cut off by Bianca pulling him back with all her might. "GET OUT!" she screamed. "You leave my friend alone!" Bianca had tears piling up in her eyes as she said this. Her knuckles were white because she held them tight in a fist and her face was flushed red. "You can't just expect her to yes to a man she hardly knows. Even with arranged marriages they have plans to have the two get to know one another. Besides, look at you and Sybelle. You love your wife to death, I'm sure. Just calm down..." Thomas let out a big sighed and tried to calm himself. "You have till the summer to decide, Evelyn. What future do you want?" with that he left and closed the door behind him. Evelyn's legs gave in and she sat on her bed, her whole body shaking. Bianca ran to her side and sat down beside her. "Are you going to be ok?" Bianca asked her. Evelyn rested her head on her friends shoulder and started to cry. "This is all my fault..." "Hey...don't blame yourself, Evelyn." Bianca told her. "Just let him cool down. And besides, we both agreed to go to the dance. It is my fault too ya know." She hugged her friend. "We are in this together no matter what. Ok?" Evelyn picked her up and dried her tears. "I hate this...This isn't supposed to happen. We are not even supposed to be here!" Bianca patted Evelyn's back. "I don't think that's true. We are her for a reason, Evelyn." "And what reason is that?" she asked. Bianca shrugged her shoulders. "Well...I guess we'll find out." Chapter 19: Threats Spot held up his stack of papes and shouted out the finest headline he had come up with all day. A few by-standers stopped to buy a paper from him. He earned three cents. Spot nodded a good day to them and continued on shouting. Selling papes was something Spot never failed at. He was done early and earned tips half the time. He had done this for years before he ever started working at the Brooklyn District Union. Anyway, it was a rainy day, the snow had gone and spring was right around the corner. "Over here boy!" Shouted a voice. Spot turned, ready to greet the man with a fake cheerful smile but it fell as soon as he realized who it was. "Oh." said Spot. "Spot Conlon?" said Charles. He wore a tan trench coat and a hat to match it. Spot almost didn't recognize him. "I didn't recognize you from behind. You looked like a mere boy." Charles snickered at this and Spot said nothing. Charles then handed Spot a penny. "One paper please." Spot handed him his pape and received his penny. "By the way, Spot...why are you at the union?" "Taken some time off. Why you care?" "I don't," he said bluntly. "Just making conversation." "Yeah? Well make conversation else whereh." Charles smirked. "Angry? At me? What for?" "I've got papes t'sell." Spot turned and shouted out again, louder this time. "You know what you did was wrong, Conlon. Taking those girls out to a party like and so late." Spot sold a pape just then and stuffed his money in his pocket. When the buyer walked away Spot turned back around and looked Charles dead in the eyes. "I didn' take those goils out. I brought em' home and dats it!" "Then who took them out. Tell me if you’re not lying." Spot knew who took them out and he wasn't about ready to rad out his friend Racetrack. He'd die before he became a scabber. "Don' know. Caught them as they were walkin' out." Charles stared at him for a few seconds and bid his goodbyes and left Spot there selling the rest of his papes on the street. Evelyn had become so absent minded since the fight that she had been forgetting the simplest of things; she had even lost weight. Bianca stopped her as they walked home from school with Abigail and touched her forehead. "You fell really hot, Eve." "Do I?" Evelyn closed her eyes. Bianca looked to Abigail. "What do you think?" she asked her. Abigail walked over and felt Evelyn's head. "Oh, yeah. You're right. You do feel a bit warm." Abigail had been informed to walk the girls home for the remainder of the school year. It was the best way to keep them out of "trouble". Evelyn then gasped and her eyes shot open. "Oh!" "What?" Bianca said. "I completely forgot my bag. How STUPID of me!" She face palmed herself and ran back to the school. Bianca and Abigal waiting outside for her. The building was quiet and only a few voices from the teachers echoed in the halls and so did Evelyn brown laced up boots that she wore every day. She turned the corner quickly and stopped abruptly when she saw Miss. Thorn crying. Her teacher immediately stopped and looked over at Evelyn from her desk. "Yes?" said mustered out. "I...I just came to get my bag." Miss. Thorn nodded and nodded to her bag. "Right there; same place where you left it." She dabbed at her tears. Evelyn walked the rest of the way in and grabbed her bag. Before she left she turned around and stood at the doorway, looking at her teacher. "Miss. Thorn..." she started. "Yes?" "Are you alright?" "I'm fine, child. Why?" Evelyn shrugged. "You were crying." "Oh...Pish posh. I'll be fine, just remembering the past. I'll be fine, Miss. Conneally." Evelyn nodded. "I heard you were once married." Miss. Thorn looked a bit surprised and shocked. "Why...Y-yes. How did you know?" "Word travels, Miss. Thorn." Her teacher cleared her throat. "Yes...I was married...But he died...a very long time ago." "I'm sorry." Evelyn told her. Miss. Thorn nodded. "It was an accident that took him...But that was a long while ago. Go now, before I have you clean something!" Evelyn smiled and nodded. "Yes, Miss. Thorn. See you tomorrow." As the three walked on home Racetrack ran up to them with a stack of papes held under his pits. Abigail saw him approaching and stood in front of the girls. "Oh no you don't!" she said to him. Racetrack got a confused look on his face. "What?" "I know it was you who took these girls out. Mush Myers told me ALL about it! You are in BIG trouble. Wait until Grandma hears of this!" "WHAT? Whoa! Slow down a bit would ya?" Abigail sighed. "They got in trouble after you took them out that night." "Really?" Racetrack had no idea and felt really bad. "And what are you doing here in Brooklyn anyway? Go back to Manhattan, Thomas Higgins!" Racetrack looked passed his sister and mouthed a sorry to the girls and left for Manhattan. Later on that day as Evelyn sat at the piano, playing her songs, Bianca sat in a chair next to her reading a red velvet covered book. The house was filled with the smell of baking potatoes and lean meat soup. "That sounds really pretty." Said Bianca still reading her book. Evelyn stopped for a second to respond. "Thanks..." "What's wrong? Still not feeling good?" "Yeah. That and a lot of other things." she told her friend. "Worried about Spot?" Bianca said quietly. Evelyn nodded. "Don't worry. Spot is a tough guy." Bianca said trying to cheer her friend up. "I know...but still...I don't want everyone to think badly of him." "Things will turn around, Eve. I know they will." It was night now and then rain was coming down hard. Spot had sold his papes but one. He kept that one for the Johnny closet (Another term for an outhouse). The rain bounced off his wet clothes while other clung to him, soaking him even more. His hair stuck to his face as little droplets of water fell off at the ends. Finally he made it back to his apartment where his family waited for him. He quickly walked up the stairs, ignoring his noisy neighbors. And as he opened the door to his home he saw his dear sweet mother was cooking up some potatoes. Spot smiled at her as he dug in his pocket and placed it on the counter where his mother was; he kept his tips to himself. "You sold papes t'day?" his mother said. Spot nodded. "Why on earth did'ja do that, boy?" Spot shrugged. "I miss sellin' me papes." His mother smiled up at him. "Sit down, Spot...Supper is almost done." Spot took his seat and said, "More potatoes?" His mother sighed and nodded. "Tis what we got, son." she placed all the potatoes on single plates and set them down on the table. Soon a rush of little kids came running out of the next room. It was Spot's younger siblings. He adored his family and after his father left them he became the man of the house and a lot of responsibilities fell on his shoulders which also meant it was time for him to grow up. A lot of people had the wrong views on Spot. Sure, to a boy on the outside he looked like someone you didn't want to mess with and to a girl he was their dream boy. He pushed them all away though and kept his mean, strong, king-like status about himself. Spot took a bite from his potato and watched his family eat in peace and quiet. Chapter 20: Plug Uglies, the rescue and oh shillelagh Dear Spot, I sit here again, the same place I always do when writing you these silly letters: the old chestnut desk that creaks every time I rest my hand on it and begin to write, and the same old desk that has an unusually nice smell to it. Summer is here now. I can feel the warm air coming in through the window. I've hardly seen you since that night you got blamed for taking us out to that dance. I also hear that you have started to sell papers again. Sometimes I wish I'd hear your voice shouting out in the city and then I would turn around and there you would be, looking just as you should: a hard worker, loyal to his friends, a loving son and brother, and most of all the handsome young man I am in love with. I love the tiny curls in your hair and the sandy blonde texture...Sorry. I can't help myself at times. You drive me crazy, even when I think about you during the day or late at night. The curve of your lips, the way you walk and the sound of your footsteps; their all planted deep inside my mind and they won't go away. Though, I don't mind at all. Your eyes are a whole new conversation. That wonderful green that I remember looking into mine. I doubt you will ever see this. It's a book I plan on keeping to myself. Thoughts that I don't plan on telling anyone. I'm afraid that if you do you will not believe me and think me totally nuts, or on the other hand you will believe me and still think me totally nuts. I wish I could tell you everything...in person at least... Oh...I miss the sound of your voice. Our past conversations I remember clearly. That is the only way I can hear your voice...your laugh. I bet you've gotten taller too. I think I might have gotten shorter. The only time I can see you is in my dreams now...I still hope to run into you. I hope that everything with Charles will blow over and we will be able to go on with our lives together and be happy finally...Sigh...My ink is almost out. Looks like I will have to cut this letter short. Good-bye, Spot. P.S. I love you... Evelyn set her things aside just at Bianca entered the room. Her hair was up in a neat bun but, it was quickly loosing it's neatness from the heat. "Writing again?" Bianca asked. Evelyn nodded. "A bit, yes. I'm running out of ink though so I will have to ask Sybelle to get more if she can." "I'm sure she will," Bianca then adverted her attention towards something else and pointed outside the window. "Look! Sybelle's green house is finally finished!" Evelyn got up from her seat and looked outside the window. "Did they just finish?" Bianca nodded. "Looks good huh?" Evelyn nodded and pushed back some of her hair. "Do you have anything to pull my hair back with. It's driving me crazy." "Oh yeah, sure." Bianca rushed over to her night stand and gave Evelyn a thick, black string. "Here. Let me help you." Bianca pulled her friends hair back and tide it back for her. "Are you going to be ok, Eve?" Bianca asked her. Evelyn turned around and gave Bianca a puzzled look. "What do you mean?" Bianca shrugged. "Well...with everything that has happened with Spot...you just haven't been the same. And not only that but, Charles comes over more than what he should..." Evelyn sighed and hung her shoulders a bit, leaning up against the wall. "Sometimes I wish I would find him...Spot...right in the middle of Brooklyn, shouting out the headlines...and as I stand looking at him he would turn and see me and we would both be staring at each other while the crowd of people rush past us..." Bianca waited to see if Evelyn would go on and realized that she was done with her little speech. Bianca waved her hand in front of Evelyn's face. "Hello? Hellooooo?" Evelyn snapped back to reality and looked up at Bianca. "You've had some time to plan all this haven't you?" Bianca smiled a bit, trying not to laugh. Evelyn blushed and playfully slapped her friend on the arm. "Shut-up! It's romantice!" Bianca bursted out in fits of giggles. "Which part? The crowd or the standing?" Evelyn rolled her eyes and smiled and walked away. "Oh come on, Eve. That was funny, admit it!" Bianca grabbed Evelyn's shoulder and turned her back around. "At least hear me out on what I have to say." Evelyn finally stopped trying to get away and waited for her friend to speak. "Well? What is it?" Bianca cleared her thoat. "Tomorrow...Early morning..." Evelyn rolled her eyes again. "You know how great I am at getting up in the morning." "Shoosh! Let me finish...If not tomorrow morning then how about in the afternoon we go and sell papers? Maybe that way you will be able to...Oh...I don't know...Hear Spot shouting out?" "Are you serious?" Evelyn asked her. Bianca modded her head and all Evelyn could do was sigh. "Alright. You win. Let's go and sell papers tomorrow afternoon." "Great!" Bianca seemed really excited about it. "I've wanted to know what it was like being a newsie. Besides, you never see that many newsie girls. This should be fun." That afternoon as they were getting ready to sell papes Bianca turned around after buttoning up her shirt and looked over to her friend and smiled. "You're going to weat that?" Evelyn looked herself up and down. "What's wrong with what I am wearing?" she asked.Bianca walked up to her friend and pointed at the hat she was wearing. "Newsie girls don't wear that nice of hats," she then paused and looked down at her shirt. "Or those nice of shirts." Bianca walked over to Evelyn's dresser and pulled out a more everyday-looking white longsleeved shirt. "Put this on. If you are going to play the part you must look it!" Evelyn nodded and quickly changed. At first the two had to ask around where the distrobution center was; where they handed out the papes to the newsies. When they finally found it they rushed to get inline even though they wound up waiting for some time still to get their papes. When it came close to their time to buy papes two older boys came rushing past everyone in the line. Evelyn and Bianca could hear curse words from the youngsters and even the older boys who had been waiting a very long time. "Why doesn't someone stop them?" Evelyn asked. Bianca shrugged and motioned her to move on. One of the boys who cut had shaddy blonde hair that reached past his ears and an eye patch. Evelyn wondered if it was the real deal or if he was just pretending, but she was too intimidated by him to ask him. Evelyn and Bianca started off by selling next to each other but that was a terrible idea. They decided to take the next two blocks down and sell, but no further than that. It was hard at first and Evelyn wondered just how in the hell Spot managed to do this within an hour or so. She had been standing out in the street, sweating in the heat. She had sold fifteen out of thirty and wondered if she would be able to sell the rest. Perhaps if she had to keep selling late that the evening breeze would send her some relief and it would better her chance at finding Spot. She adored Bianca for doing this. She knew that Bianca hated the heat and was only doing this because she loved Evelyn like a little sister. Just as the evening sky started to approach a slight cool breeze came in for the rescue. Evelyn stopped selling for a moment to enjoy the cool breeze. Since going back to an air conditioned house was out of the question this breeze felt like heaven. "Evelyn, are you done yet?" Bianca came up from behind. She had managed to sell all her papes. "I have two left." "So? Take them back to the house. I'm sure we could use it for the outhouse." Evelyn slowly nodded. "I guess you're right." Bianca gave her a pat on the back and they headed for home but, something else came in their way or rather someone. Four boys who looked to be their age maybe older stood blocking their path. "Can you move please?" Bianca asked but they said nothing. They then tried to move around them but again they blocked their path. "The hell is your problem?" Bianca was about loose it. "Bianca stop it." Evelyn begged. "You a newsie goil?" One of them asked, getting up close and into Bianca's personal space. Bianca backed away little and Evelyn took hold of her arm. "So what if we are?" Evelyn said. "Did my friend ask you?" Another boy snapped at her. The first boy who spoke seemed to be the oldest, their leader. He wore black worn out suspenders and a brown shirt and black pants and shoes with a great big hole in one of them. The other boys wore just simple long sleeved shirts with some stans on them and brown and black pants but better shoes. "I'f you're newsies," started the oldest boy. "Then I suggest you give us all your earnings in sellin' ya papes or you'se both aint gonna like it." Seeing that the girls were surrounded and the remaining people on the streets didn't seem to care that these boys were interrogating them that they decided to run for it. They started off at the same pace but Bianca was pumping her feet faster and hurried Evelyn along. One of the boys managed to take hold of Bianca's arms and twisted her skin like an Indian burn. Bianca cried out and let go of Evelyn's hand. Bianca pushed the boy back with all her might and then kicked him in the shin. The girls were split up then leaving one on Bianca's heels and two on Evelyn's while the one who got kicked in the shin decided to give up on the chase and sit down on the side-walk and wait for the throbbing pain to go away. Evelyn ran as fast as she could through the streets of Brooklyn. The bigger guys were after for God know what reason and all she knew was to get away. She had to think fast about where to go. It might have been New York, the place she grew up, but things were still very different. Some areas were blocked and some shops and signs were not even up yet. She didn't have time to stop and think which street she was on. All she could do was keep moving her feet, praying that the two guys would give up and stop chasing her. The sky grew darker and little droplets of rain started to fall until there was a rush of them and the streets became blurry. Evelyn turned to what looked like a good way to lose them, but she only ended up finding herself in an alley. She stopped for but a second, recollecting herself and gaining back some strength. Evelyn started to run again soon after but something unexpected happened: Her legs gave in right beneath her and she fell hard on the stone ground. She didn't understand why her legs gave out. She still had SOME strength left to keep going. But why here of all places? It was like those sketchy movies where the girl gets killed or raped in a dark alley and no one is there to help her. After running for what seemed like forever she could no longer take it and died by hearing the sounds of her own screams that would either slowly die down or instantly stop. Evelyn refused to meet such an end though and grabbed what was ever closest to her among the trash she fell next to and through it at the closest boy. "OW! That bitch just threw a rock at me!" the younger boy held on to his right shoulder, still coming after her. "Looks like we'll have to teach her a lesson then eh? Instead of jus' takin' 'er moneh let's have some fun too!" Evelyn, not giving up just fought to stand back up but couldn't it was like her feet were broken, but instead of pain...she felt...nothing. Her legs were completely numb. She picked up some trash and threw it in the boys' faces. "That's not going to help you!" One of them said. One took her by the arms and pinned her down while the other got on top of her and started to search her. He eventually ended up finding where she kept her money which was hidden in her left boot. After he found what he wanted her smirked at her and squeezed her cheeks real hard. "No one will help you little newsie goil..." he grabbed for her breasts and squeezed those real hard too. Evelyn screamed as loud as she could and was shut up after a few seconds, her mouth being held shut with the boys hand. Her screams were all but muffles now, with no hope of being heard, but all it took was that one scream and someone was there to help. The boy was picked up by one hand and flung back. The boy pinning her down soon got up to fight this rescuer. Her rescuer didn't give the boy a flying chance to get him. Instead he flung his whole arm back and gave it his all and punched the young lad, turning his fist like a screw. WHAM! The boy fell flat on his arse! "Awh. Did you fall down? Here...let me help." the voice sounded familiar but the heavy rain kept her from figuring out who. Plus the dizziness that was slowly overcoming her because off all the running. Evelyn's rescuer then walked past her and picked up the boy not much younger than he and shook him a bit only to throw him on the ground again. He then turned and faced the other boy who picked himself up and came after him with a raging fist. This didn't seem to bother the rescuer though and he dodged his swinging fist. The boy went falling over the rescuer and almost stumbled to his feet. Evelyn managed to turn around by dragging herself, trying not to get in the way. She stared up at her rescuer for a few seconds before finally realizing who it was. "SPOT!" She cried out. Spot did not turn his attention though towards her. Instead he kept his angry gaze upon the two young boys. The droplets of rain fell off at the tips of Spot's hair, his shirt was soaked and so were his pants. His shoes didn't look all that great either but, his fists were in a tight squeeze, almost shaking, white even, and something hung between his belt loop. It was wooden and looked like some kind of make shift hammer, but not quite. He took it out from the loop of his belt and held it firmly in his right fist. "Ya dare t'take advantage of a goil like dat?" his voice was deep and angry. It even scared Evelyn. His true Irish accent kicking in with a hint of that tough Brooklyn talk mixed in with it. "I'se betteh off killin' ya and talkin' a nice long shat you're foking graves...if you git one. You leave 'er 'lone you sons o' bitches!" The boys didn't know what to think. "You...you're Spot Conlon..." said the oldest. He then smirked. "Oh...I've hoid stories 'bout you." Spot ignored him and lifted up the make shift hammer. "Ya knows what this is?" he asked the boys, looking down at it. They shook their heads. "You may call it a hammer heah...but where I come from...Ireland...me homeland. We Irish folk call it a shillelagh...got beat wit it a few times by me own dad." he looked down at it some more before finally saying, "And now...I'se think I'll beat both ya arses wit it." With that said and done the three went after each other like wild animals. Spot took up his shillelagh and whacked the oldest right in the face. He went tumbling down and other stopped but not in the right time and Spot kneed him in the gut and soon whacked him on the back, knocking the hair right out of him. Seeing that this fight was done, knowing for sure that the boys would not get back up, Spot put his shillelagh away and ran back over to Evelyn, helping her up. Evelyn thought she could stand but only fell again. The feeling in her legs had not yet returned. "Whoa!" Spot caught her just in time. "I'm sorry...I can't feel my legs right now I...I don't know why." "That's ok. I'll just carry you." "Ah. No, no. That's not..." but he didn't it anyways and took her out of the alley. "What you'se doin' out hereh in the rain? And so far from home?" "I...was selling newspapers." she told him truthfully. Spot raised a brow at her. "Papes...you'se was sellin' papes?" he laughed a little. "What' so funny?" Evelyn asked him. "Nothin'...How far did ya get?" "How far? You mean by how many I sold?" Spot nodded. "I bought thirty and have two left over." Spot smiled. "Not bad for a fresh newsie goil." he laughed. His laugh ringed in Evelyn's ear like a bell and couldn't help but smile back at him. But then their smiles dropped and they both just stared at each other. There was nothing but the sound of the rain filling the silence until Spot finally asked. "Why were you selling papes? What made ya want to try dat out?" "I was hoping to find you, honestly." Spot's eyes got a little wide. "Really? Ah man...fat chance tryin' t'find me...I sell me papes real fast these days." Evelyn laughed. "Guess I was outa luck...but in a way it all worked out." "Worked out?" he asked her. "Ya nearly got...ya butt kicked!" Evelyn bit her lower lip. "Let's not talk about that part...though you did look pretty damn amazing back there." Spot nodded in agreement. Just then the rain started to light up and Evelyn noticed the street she was on. "Oh no..." "What?" "You're taking me back home?" "Yes...Thata problem?" he asked her. "It's just...after that whole time of not being able to see each other and talk you are just going to take me home?" "Where else do you'se 'spect me ta take ya? Coitenly can't stay outside. We'se both end up gettin' sick." "Take me to your place then." she said to him. "What?!" Spot was shocked. "I want to see your family, Spot." "You...do?" "Yes!" Spot was not going to argue with her. They had nowhere else to go and he didn't really feel like getting blamed again for a good deed. So he decided to take her back to his place, which was probably swarming with his younger siblings and his mother hard at work and making something for supper. Spot carried her to the apartment, the sounds of the neighbors echoed in the halls and on one floor it smelt like rotten milk. The smell soon passed though as they got to Spot's floor. The smell of baking potatoes and fish filled the air. "Were the only Irish family in this apartment so our floor usually smells like baked potatoes." He laughed a little. And as he opened the door to his little home there stood his mother cooking. She turned to greet her son with the usual smile on her face but it turned to shock when she saw him carrying Evelyn. "Goodness!" she said. "Spotty! What happened?" she then gave Evelyn a better look. "Ah...I'se remember you'se. You'se that goil I met some months ago..." Evelyn nodded. Suddenly the splash of water sounded and the three turned their heads to see Spot's two younger brothers sitting in a tin of water playing with a small thing of soap. "Oh! Sorry, dear. Spot, take her into the next room. I'll get you'se a wet rag...she looks a little doity. Worsh her face off and she can join us for suppeh." Spot took Evelyn into the next room and set her down on the bed. His mother came in seconds later with the wet rag and a dry one and handed it to Spot and walked out just as fast as she came in. "Your mom seems real nice." said Evelyn. Spot nodded. "Best one I know." he smirked. He took up the rag and started to wipe off the dirt on Evelyn's face. Even after all that ran she ended up looking dirty. "So what's wrong with your legs? Can you still not feel them?" he asked her.Evelyn looked down and moved her right foot a little. "Somewhat...not really though. I don't know what happened. They just gave out on me...That sort of thing has never happened." Spot raised both brows and smirked. "Well...Miss. Conneally, you'se got one serious condition." As he continued to clean her face they sat there in silence. He was so close to her! Looking carefully over, making sure he got every speck of dirt off her pretty littl face. The last place that had dirt were her lips. It was hardly visable but Spot took the rag and slowly and smoothly wiped it away, looking intently at her lips. He then quickly re-adverted his eyes to hers and cleared his throat. He set rag the down on the floor and picked up the dry rag and carefully dried off her hair a bit. He then looked down at her feet. "Can I?" he asked her. She nodded. Spot carefully unlaced her boots and slowly slid them off setting them to the side. He did the same with the other boot. After that he took Evelyn's right foot and began to massage it. "Mayhaps this will help get some of the feelin' back in your feet and woik on up to ya legs." Spot's hands felt big and warm as he massaged her feet. It felt really nice. Evelyn moved her hand up to Spot and caressed his hair. He seemed a bit startled and stopped for a second. He looked up at her and then went back to looking at her feet and started to massage the other. Again Evelyn went to caress his hair and again he stopped but this time he grabbed her hand and held it with both his hands. "Please," he begged. "I'm tryin' t'be respectable heah...I'se don' want to lose control with you, Eve." "I don't care." she told him. Spot sighed. "But I do! People look at me and think that I'm some kind of loser. Some Loser of Brooklyn." "Loser?" said Evelyn. "You're more like the King of Brooklyn." she told him with a smile."Really?" he said. "You'se think me some kind of King?" Evelyn nodded. "You do have that dashing smile and good looks and you did rescue me from those guys...Who were they anyway?" Spot was a little taken aback by her question. As if she should already know that. Still, he decided to answer her. "Plug Uglies." he said. "Plug Uglies?" "Yeah...they beat up newsies and take their money...they do worse to goils. You'se damn lucky, Evelyn. Knowin' dat even one of 'em harmed you in dat way I would have...I would have...I would have killed 'em. I almost did this evenin'. They jus' made me so...pissed off! I want to be the one who...who..." Evelyn smiled and slitghly blushed. She bent her face down beside his and whispered. "It's ok...I understand what you are trying to say." she told him. Spot blushed. "You...You do?" Evelyn nodded. "You aren't angry?" Evelyn laughed a little. "Why would I be angry?" Spot shook his head. He didn't know what to say. As Evelyn sat back up, Spot leaned in and kissed her, taking her by surprise. It was a surprising kiss but a good one. When they locked lips it was a warm sensation for the both. Spot licked her lower lip asking for entrance and Evelyn gladly gave it to him. His tongue massaged her mouth as she lightly moaned. They bothe had to keep it down so the others would not hear. They couldn't go on for long though, in fear that Spot's mother could very well walked in at any givin moment. "I want you Evelyn...I do." Evelyn moaned softly as she felt Spot move his hand on to her leg and up the side of her thigh. "I want you too." She told him quietly. She could feel Spot's hot breaths deepening and with no doubt soon be getting hard all over his manhood. Suddenly he stopped...Spot pulled back and stood up. "No, Evelyn...I'm goin' t'make an honest young woman outa ya. Not gonna take ya like this or any other day till I make you honest." Soon his mother called out to them that the food was ready. The two headed out and each had half a potato and a piece of fish. Evelyn looked around at Spot's family. This was the life he lived. He worked hard all day and came home to a family just like a father, but in this case he was the big brother. People thought all wrong about Spot...Well kinda. He was still tough, ready to take on anyone, best at selling papes in Brooklyn and good at giving orders...Among other things, Spot did his best. Once the feeling in Evelyn's legs returned Spot walked her home but stopped a block away from the house. The both did not want to risk getting in trouble again. If sneaking around was the only way to see each other then so be it! Evelyn looked at Spot down the block and waved him off. He did the same and the two went their separate ways.Once Evelyn got inside, Bianca ran to see if she was ok. Sybelle came next and then Thomas. "Are you alright?" they asked. "Bianca told us all about it." said Sybelle. Evelyn nodded tiredly. "I'm alright. I managed to lose the Plug Uglies..." Bianca looked at her puzzled and Evelyn gave her a look as in she would tell her later. "I'm tired and need to sleep." "What about supper? You must be hungry." said Thomas."Nope...Not hungry. Jus' tired." she said nothing more but headed up stairs and fell right to sleep, feeling better than she had in weeks. Chapter 21: heart Attack Evelyn stood crouched over looking at a couple of tulips and lilies in Sybelle's Green House. Even though standing in there was hot considering it was the middle of summer she didn't mind so much. After a while the real heat from everyone's business with one another had cooled down. Instead, everyone was trying to enjoy their summer and spending time at the docks and the parks and even Coney Island (least the rich and a few of the poor who spent all year saving up to spend on day there. True story bro) Suddenly the door to the Green House swung open and Bianca came running in with a big smile on her face. "Evelyn! Racetrack and the others are all heading to the docks in Brooklyn! They want to know if we will join them in swimming." she had a look of anticipation on her face and excitement. Evelyn was shocked to hear this news and couldn't help smile back at her friend. "Well...do Sybelle and Thomas know?" Bianca waved her hand in the air and said, "HAH! C'mon, Evelyn. Where's your sense of adventure?" "I'm just worried...You know what happened the last time we went somewhere without telling anyone?" "Don't worry about that. We'll just tell them were running around with some friends from school. They don't know any kids from school. If they do I'm going to be VERY surprised." Evelyn sighed and touched a flower with the tip of her index finger tip and then glanced over at Bianca. She grinned and told Bianca, "Alright...You win." Bianca jumped up and clapped her hands together. "Yes! Ok! Let's go get ready." "Wait!" called Evelyn. "We don't have swimsuits..." Bianca turned around and a smirk spread across her face. "Oh Evelyn...Who says we need swimsuits?" she laughed and left the Green House. The girls made it to the docks within thirty minutes, already in a sweat from running to get there in reasonable amount of time. There was Mush, Racetrack, Finn, and even a new kid they had never met before with an eye patch and of course Spot. Among the other News boys there there were a few Newsie girls, but they didn't pay much attention to one another. Racetrack got up from sitting down on the dock and smiled and waved his hand in the air, greeting the girls. "Oi! Hey goilys!" he had wanted to give them both a hug but it would have been awkward. The girls greeted him back and saw that the others were getting up and joining them. "Where ya swimsuits at?" Mush asked, looking them up and down. The girls blushed and looked at each other. "Yeah...about that...We decided to go in this." She pointed to her dress. "Wont dat be heavy ta swim in?" asked Finn, he scratched his head. Bianca grinned and untied the bow on the back of her dress and then carefully slipped that off showing off her under dress and stockings which she quickly lost the stockings too and set them on a barrel. The boys were in shock and a few of them hid their faces and tried not to blush. If only the poor boys knew what the girls wore in the future. Evelyn was about to do the same but something or rather...someone stopped her. She tried to hide her face, but her eyes kept staring. Getting up from out of the water and standing up on the deck stood Spot dripping wet. His shiny wet hair laid flat and clung a little bit to his face, his nickers plastered to his butt and thighs. Even though it was the same with almost every boy, Spot stood out the most to Evelyn and made her feel uncomfortable in the most...pleasant way. Evelyn felt herself getting hotter and really feel like diving into the water now. Spot walked up to the group and nodded to Bianca and then looked over to Evelyn who still had her dress on. "You's gonna get outa dat pretty dress of yours?" he asked, a grin on his face. He knew what he was doing and DAMN did he do it well. Evelyn tried so hard not to look down at Spot's lower half, ignoring the bulge. "I got this..." said Evelyn. She undid her dress the same as Bianca and placed her things on top of Bianca's. She stood there a little self-conscious while Bianca on the other side was proud of her body and felt confident, especially in this time area. Spot eyed Evelyn for a few seconds enjoying the revealing skin of hers. Then the thought of having her jump into the cold water and her underdress sticking to her body excited him a bit and he was exceptionally glad for the cold water then. "C'mon! The hells we waitin' 'round heah for?" yelled the kid with the eye patch. Racetrack got a look of 'oh snap!' on his face and said, "Eh!...This is Kid Blink. He's a pretty cool guy...once you get ta know em dat is." Kid Blink gave them a smirk and a small salute and jumped into the water with the rest of the boys. First went Finn, then Race and then Mush. They all mad noises while falling to the water and their cries were silenced when the water swallowed them whole. And even after coming up from the water they cried again, splashing water into each other's faces and wrestling around with each other. Everyone seemed to be getting along having a great time with one another, but Evelyn felt a terrible knot in her chest tightening slowly. She figured it was the heat or the fact that Spot was nearly naked. She shook the thought from her mind and just tried to enjoy herself. Bianca was next to jump and let out a tiny scream and popped back out and shook her head around to get her hair out from her eyes. Racetrack noticed every movement of hers and for the first time...in a long time he didn't know what to say to her. If she were just any other girl he would have already dunk her head back under and laughed while he swam away, but instead he kept staring at her and grinned a little and swam a little closer to her. "How ya likin' the cold wata?" he asked, trying to make conversation. Bianca wiped at her eyes and then spoke to him. "This feels great! I'm so glad you invited us to come along." Racetrack was really happy to hear this and then looked up to see that Evelyn was still standing on the dock. "I'se think dat Evelyn still hasn't come to that...invitin' moment..." Bianca glanced and then back at Racetrack. The two of them laughed. Evelyn really debated about jumping in. She knew that once she did that was it, there was no turning back. "Noivous...?" asked Spot. Evelyn turned around and saw Spot standing beside her. He had dried off a bit and his sandy blonde hair wasn't so dark anymore. "Uhm...The thought of that cold water hitting me suddenly already sends chills down my spine." Evelyn told Spot. Spot laughed about this and crossed his arms. He bent down a little whispered into Evelyn's ear, telling her, "No need ta get scared of a lil cold wata, Eve. Listen...if any of these guys mess with ya...I'll kick their arse...Hows dat?" Now it was Evelyn's turn to laugh and once she did Spot placed his hand on her back and pushed her forward. Now he was laughing, enjoying his sweet victory of..well...whatever it was. He then stepped back a few feet and jumped off the dock with a running start. They spent the next two hours running and jumping, running and jumping and splashing each other in the faces and dunking each other and of course showing off. A lot of the other kids had already left for home, but the original group was still there. Evelyn eventually got used to the feeling of her wet under dress on her skin and the look Spot eyeing her every once in a while. After some time though of glancing back and forth at each other it was obvious to them that they both wanted to get close to each other and feel that feeling of...skin. Spot swam closer to her, by-passing the others and soon he was just inches away from her face. "You enjoyin' ya self, Eve?" he asked her. Evelyn nodded and blushed. He was so close. "Yes...I'm very glad that I came here today. It's been a blast." she swam a little closer to the dock and held on to the side while Spot followed her and raised his arm above her and looked right into her eyes. Thankfully the others were far too busy to notice them and continued to go on about their business. Meanwhile Spot placed his free arm around Evelyn and brought himself closer to her. He put his head on top of hers and rubbed his nose against hers. The two smiled and laughed a little. Evelyn looked up at the Spot and she wanted so badly for him to kiss her. She wanted it so much she surprised herself by pulling him in more (as if they weren't close enough already) and kissed him. Spot was a little surprised by this and liked it. He went along with it and kissed her back. Their wet lips locking and tongues touching. Such pleasure was not new to them but the touch was. They hadn't been able to spend time together like this in such a long time that this was a real 'treat'. Evelyn felt Spot bring their bodies closer, her wet glossy breasts touching his nakid chest. They stopped though before anything else was about to happen and found themselves coming back to the group and seeing what was happening around them. It seemed for these two that no matter how much they wanted each other they could never go as far as heavy kissing and lots of touching. But Evelyn and Spot both knew that if the day would come they could get married and live together, eat together, see each other as much as they wanted and not have anyone try to get in the way...Also...the fact that they could have children of their own...resulting in sleeping together. The thought of them both being naked together made Evelyn feel hot again even if she was in that cold water. Once everyone was done swimming and laying out on the dock to dry off before putting the rest of their close back on they noticed that everyone else had gone home besides them. Kid Blink ended up heading out soon after, putting his clothes back on as he went. Then it was Mush and Finn who ended up walking home together. Lastly it was just Evelyn, Bianca, Racetrack and Spot who were left on that dock. It was quiet and the noise from the city was just slightly hearable and the four laid their talking about how their summer was going and everything else that was going on in their lives. It was a chance for them to really talk without any interrupting them. "What will you do once you get done with School, Race?" Bianca asked. Racetrack sighed and finally confessed to her. "I hate school...A poison learns more on da streets these days den goin ta school...Least dats what I think. What about you?" He looked over at Bianca and stared back at him. "Well..." she started. "I plan on finishing school. I don't have much left, ya know? I want to have a good job." Racetrack was surprised yet glad to hear this. "Whacha ya plannin' on doing for woik?" all the woman he knew were either stay at home mothers or they worked in the sweat shop factories or were maids, like his older sister Abigail. Bianca took a deep breath and then said, "I want to act!" Everyone looked at her now. "What?" she said. "It's totally possible! Just you all wait and see." Evelyn cleared her throat. "Not that I think you can't do it...but...why?" she asked. "I love making others laugh...Plus...I've always had the talent. What about you guys?" Racetrack talked about owning his own gambling business and Spot wasn't sure what he wanted to do. Evelyn on the other hand kept her thoughts to herself and just told the others that she wasn't sure yet either. Once a good amount of time had passed they realized how late it was getting and decided to head on home. Bianca and Racetrack were the first to start heading out. Spot on the other hand waited for Evelyn to get her dress back on and make herself look presentable. When Spot saw this he started walking a little ahead of her while trying to keep up with the other two. As Evelyn tied her last shoe and stood up straight and started walking towards the others that knot in her chest finally burst and she felt herself losing conscious. She fell hard to her knees the pain in her chest tightened. She grabbed on to her chest and cried out in pain just once and gasped. Everyone looked back as they heard her fall. Spot was the first to get to her and catch her before she completely fell over. He held her safe in his arms and looked down at her, his eyes filled with fear and hurt. The others reached her side soon after but had no idea what to do for her. Bianca was on the edge of tears. Racetrack saw this and tried comforting her best he could without 'smothering' her. "Evelyn...? EVELYN!" Spot called her name over and over again as she stared up at him, unable to say a word. She had wanted to tell him how badly it hurt and that she needed a doctor. Evelyn turned her gaze away from Spot and the others and stared up at the sky, but there was someone else standing there. As she slowly fell into her pain she saw a familiar face that calmed her yet comforted her at the same time. It was Scott. It wasn't smiling, he wasn't talking, he was just standing there; a look of pain on his face and he watched her suffer. There was nothing he could do for her. Was he really even there? Evelyn looked away from Scott and back over at Spot who still had the same look in eyes. She watched he called out her name but she could not hear him and soon...she was lost in darkness...the pain swallowing her heart whole. chapter 22: Racetrack and Bianca (Bonus chapter)   A couple of days had passed since what happened with Evelyn. Bianca sat on her bed and watched as her friend brushed her hair in front of the vanity. Her face was pale and her eyes were slightly dark. Spot refused to see her because he wanted her to rest. He also didn't want to risk the chance of running into Charles. Spot was right though, Evelyn needed her rest more than anything right now and he had been checking with Bianca everyday to see how she was doing. "How are you feeling today?" Bianca asked her. Evelyn set the brush down and rubbed her eyes. "Still tired, but as far as physically goes I am much better." "Spot's really worried about you, ya know?" Evelyn slowly nodded. "I don't doubt that." she said. Bianca then stood up and sighed. "I'm going to go take a walk. It's way too stuffy in here, plus I need to stretch my legs. You do best to go out in the back yard and do the same." she told her. Evelyn smiled a little and nodded to this. "Plus, I wanted to go buy some chocolate. I'll bring some back for the both of us. Promise." She walked over to her friend and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You gave us a realy big scare that day Evelyn. Maybe we should tell Thomas and Sybelle." Evelyn was quick to shake her head. "Don't! They already worry about us enough. Besides I'm starting to feel better. I'll be in good shape soon. I just need to watch myself more closely." Bianca sighed. "Alrighty...You win. I'll be back in a few." She walked out of the room, down the stairs and out the door where she was a the busy streets of people hustling around. She got to the chocolate store in about twenty minutes. The inside of the store smelt so sweet. She wished Evelyn could have been with her to look at all the different kinds of chocolate they were selling. After a while though she grabbed two bars dark chocolate and went up to the front to buy it. The man put it in a small pretty white paper bag that had blue lines going across the top. As she left the store she heard a newsie shouting out the headline. She searched through her skirt pocket and found a penny. When she reached the young newsie boy she held out her money and called out to him. "Hello! I'd like a paper please." When the boy turned a smile spread across her face. "Racetrack!" she said. "I'm glad to see you. How ya been?" Racetrack returned the kind smiled and said. "I'm doin' jus' fine. Hows Evelyn?" he asked. Bianca thought for a moment of how she should answer that question. "She's doing better, thanks." she gave him the penny and she took her paper. "Are you almost done selling papes?" Racetrack nodded. "Sure am. Why?" Bianca shrugged. "Well...you want to walk me home once you're done. I'd love the company." Racetrack tried to remain cool at this point. He stilled liked Bianca but all his friends told him he didn't stand a chance against a babe like Bianca. He gulped. "Yeah. Dat be great." He told her. "Awesome," she said. "I'll wait over by that bench." she pointed to a nice white bench over by a couple of trees. Once Racetrack was done he calmly walked over to Bianca who was sitting on the bench. She looked up at him and smiled and waited for a few seconds before she decided to get up. "It's nice out today." Bianca started and they headed for home. "Sure is. Too bad Spot and Evelyn can't be here to enjoy it?" Bianca nodded to this. "Here," she told him, getting out her chocolate bar and breaking it in half. She handed it to him and his eyes went wide. "You serious?" he asked her. Bianca just smiled and nodded. "Thanks!" Racetrack took a big bite out and made the 'mmm' sound as he chewed it. It was quiet between the two for a moment as they ate their chocolate, or rather Bianca's chocolate. They continued to walk in silence enjoying each others company while munching on some good chocolate. They would ocasionally glance at one another from time to time, wanting the other to say something but none of them ever did. Finally Racetrack broke the ice. "Good chocolate." He said as he finished his last bite. Bianca looked over to him and nodded. She was still working on hers. Racetrack so wanted to talk to her, but he wasn't sure what it was that would be good to talk about without it getting boring. On the other hand Bianca felt a little funny, talking to a boy three years younger than her and having a slight attraction to him. It wasn't like her. Nonetheless she enjoyed his company and his goofy expressions and jokes. He had a good sense of humor and seemed like a pretty Laid back boy for his age. Now it was Bianca's turn to break the ice. She built up her curage and asked Racetrack, "What do you think of me?" It just came out and she felt so embarrassed. Racetrack looked at her really surprised, "What?" He wished he had more chocoalte to eat now. "Simple question," Bianca said. "What do you think about me?" Thoughts jummped around in Racetrack's head. "Uh..." He stutterted a bit. "I...Think ya...a really goily." "That's it?" Bianca pressed on. Something in her wanted to know more and they were nearing the house so she didn't have much time. Racetrack itched the back of his head. "Theres more..." he slowly added. Bianca was hopful now. "That is...?" Racetrack took a big breath. "...You're...Pretty..." he said. Bianca's eyes went wide. Racetrack saw this and began explaining himself, as if there was anymore to explain after that confession. "What I mean is...Uh...You're pretty cool! Ya fun to hang wit." Bianca laughed this time. "Oh Racetrack, you have made my day!" She stopped walking and took her pointer finger and thumb, pintched Racetrack's chin and brought him in and kissed his fourhead. Completely surprised by this, Racetrack was stunned for the first time in a long time and stood there for a few seconds to ponder on this. Then he came back to the real world that had just gotten a lot better he grinned at Bianca and they started walking again. This time they found themselves on the block of Bianca's house. The precious moment had come and went and now it was almost time to say good-bye to each other. But it was not set in stone, there was something there other than just a friendly relationship. They stopped; they had reached the house. Bianca thanked him and gave him a hug before going inside. As she got inside and closed the door behind her she heard heavy footsteps decending from the stairs and finally saw Spot coming down. When he reached the bottom he stopped in his tracks as he saw her standing there. They exchanged a few looks and Spot was well on his way to leave the house. Bianca shook her head and ran up stares to find Evelyn in tears, sitting in a chair next to the window, her hands resting peacefully in her lap. chapter 23: caring thoughts and words   Evelyn sat in front of the vanity. Bianca had just left and she went back to looking at her reflection. The day was going by slowly, the air in the room was thick and she felt sticky. She ran her fingers through her hair a bit and thoughts began flow through her mind. She thought of Scott and why he looked so sad. What was he thinking about? Why was he so sad? And what was going on with her? She had never once had a problem with her heart. First it was her legs and now it was her heart. What was next? Evelyn did not want to think about it. A cool breez came through the open window and she turned to look back at it. She got up and pulled the chair up to the window and sat down, the curtains flowing slightly towards her, enjoying the fresh air. She began to hum very quietly to herself and she thought of home...her real home. She thought of all her other friends, her parent's. What was going on back in her time? How was everyone doing? She closed her eyes then and tried to clear her mind. Meanwhile, Spot walked the streets of Brooklyn. He over heard chatter of the papers rising in cost for the newsies. It pissed him off. It just wasn't fair! But tell that to the rich bastards that took all that money stuffed heir bellys every night with hot potatoes and steak! There was still talk of a strike but he had no idea when that would be. He would just stay on the sideline for now and wait for a clear answer. Spot was on his way to see Evelyn though. He couldn't stand being away from her any longer and wanted to talk things over. He wanted straight, honest answers from her. Spot was tired of always guessing when she was right there to tell him. He turned the corner and walked a few more blocks before finally getting to the house, He walked up the stone stairs and knocked on the door. He waied only a moment before Abigal opened the door for him. She gladly let him and shut the door behind him. After that she went back to work. She didn't need to ask what he was here for, she already knew and she left him to go to her. Spot walked up the stairs and that the door to Evelyn and Bianca's room was slightly open. He peered through the crack and saw Evelyn alone sitting next to the window, her back facing him. He opened the door quietly and shut it softly after that, hardly making a sound. All his sneaking around New York wasn't for nothing. He stood there looking at Evelyn in her chair, the wind blowing her hair back and listneded her quiet humming. She was beautiful yet completely broken looking. He knew she was tired, he felt like he had made a mistake coming here, but he soon through that thought out of his head. He wanted so much to say something, but he did not want to disturb her. She looked too perfect; like a doll. Finally, Evelyn moved her head a bit and said, "Bianca?" Spot walked up to her and carefully grabbed a lock of her and ran his fingers through it, setting it neatly behind her back. "No." he said. Evelyn quickly turned, shocked to see that Spot was here. "Spot!" she gasped. "Why are you here?" Spot knelt down beside her and brushed part of her hair back behind one of her ears. "I wanted to see you." He simply said. She looked down at him with a sincer look in her eyes as she touched his face and carressed his cheek. Evelyn smiled softly said to him. "I'm happy to see you." They kissed slowly and softly. When they broke away to breathe from the long kiss, Spot finally asked, "What's wrong, Eve?" "What do you mean...?" She knew what was coming next and her heart started to beat fast. "Everything." he said to her. "I want to know everything. I know there are things you are not telling me and you need to tell me right now." he grabbed her hand and rubbed it softly. Evelyn sighed quietly and she closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Spot, but I can't tell you everything..." "Why not?" Spot got a cross look on his face. She shook her head and smiled a little. "You have nothin' to worry about, I promise you..." "Evelyn..." Spot said. "Whateveh it is...you don' have to keep it from me." Evelyn gave in and decided to let Spot in on a few things she wondered herself. "To be perfectly honest...I'm not sure what is wrong. But I know one thing, I know I will be alright. Whatever happens to me, to you and even Bianca, everything will be jsut fine." Spot sighed in defeat. "That don' give me much of an answer. But I Promise you one thing?" Evelyn cocked her dead to side and said, "And what is that?" "Whateveh happens, I'm always gonna be heah for you. No mistaken that, Eve. I love you, you know this." Evelyn nodded to this, tears filling her eyes. Spot inched closer to her and rubbed his nose aganst hers. "I'll ways protect you, Eve. Even if I don' have much to offer but myself...Those damn idots betteh stay away from ya." Evelyn laughed a bit at this. "...Don't you be goin' anywhereh..." he said and kissed her again only this time he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her hard. He squeezed her hand and then moved his hand on to her side and grabbed on to her a little bit. Evelyn opened her mouth a little wider and felt Spot's tongue slip into her mouth. She could taste the saliva on his tongue and she moaned a bit. If it were possible the two would have each other this very moment, but that wasn't possible, least not now. Finally Spot pulled back and took hold of both her hands this time. "I mean what I say, Eve...You betteh rest and get plenty to eat...Don' want you goin out on me." He kissed her cheek and stood up. "Id stay longer, but...mam expects me back early t'day...Take care, Eve..." With that Spot left her there. There was no more to say or tell. Spot had came and said what needed to be said even if Evelyn didn't tell him everything. That day would eventually come. Evelyn burst out in tears then. She felt terrible for only telling Spot a little of the truth that was there. There was so much to tell him but not enough time it seemed like. The tears rolled down her face and her hands laid limp on her lap. She felt weak again and wanted rest but she was sick of resting. Evelyn wanted it all to stop. It hurt so much she didn't even notice Bianca standing in the doorway looking at her. How much time did they have left...? chapter 24: Dreams and Fears, truths and lies.   Evelyn was dreaming again, she knew she was and as she walked through the cold and quiet stillness of the hospital she thought to herself, This is only a dream. I've dreamed this before. It will all be over soon. But she was wrong, she wasn't dreaming the same dream. It only started that way. Evelyn saw the lonely gurney to her left, the papers spread across the floor, a cool wind coming from down the hall and the flickering lights above her. It gave her the chilling feeling of uncertain death, but again she was dream so how could anything harm her here? Evelyn's feet moved her forward even though he mind told her to stay. She did not go into her hospital room nor Bianca's. She ignored that factor completely and headed on. Something was calling her, pulling her in and beckoning to her. Evelyn left the security of the flickering lights and intered total darkness, her hands close to her chest, her bare feet becoming cold and inching closer to the fear that pulled her in. She held out one hand and after a moment or so she felt something solid. She felt around and discovered that it was a door and rested her hand on top of the cold handle unable to turn it. For a moment she thought she heard the sound of laughter so she pressed her left ear to the door and listened closely. Their talking was muffled but she could tell the sound of laughter came from children and the one speaking was a young adult male. When Evelyn had had enough she slowly opened the door and was so shocked she stopped right there in the doorway. There she saw Spot telling a story of Ireland to his younger siblings. All has smiles on their faces and all were happy. When Spot finished his story the children got up as they heard the voice of their mother calling them. As they ran to the door Evelyn was not quick enough to move out of the way, but that was not need, the children ran through her, leaving her to watch the lonely Spot Conlon get up from his chair and sigh heavily. He rubbed inbetween his eyes with his index finger and thumb. He was tired. He was breaking. The King of Brooklyn was unstable, but for what reason could that possibly be? Evelyn slowly walked over to him and looked up at him. For a small moment he looked right at her, his green eyes looking defeated and weary. This is a path that you can take, said a voice. "Path...?" Evelyn repeated. But are you strong enough to do it? Evelyn wasn't sure what to think when she heard this voice speak to her. Then she realised just who it was and felt her body go numb, even in her dream. It was Scott. This had never happened before and it worried her. This is my dream, she thought. I have control over what happens here! Do you? Asked the voice, but then she realised something. "Scott..." she breathed... Everthing in the room started to dissapear, like a misty substance vanishing. Spot had gone away just like everything else and Evelyn watched it all happen. And just as it went another scene came into view and Evelyn stared at her parent's backs. Their heads were faced down in a bow position. She walked around them to look at them from the front and noticed that they were weeping. Why though? She turned herself around and saw a casket and she realised whoes it was. It was hers. Her eyes widdened and she began to shake, to freak out, tremble. She felt extremly cold now and wrapped her arms around herself, but it didn't seem to help. Again the voice of Scott spoke to her, This is a path that you can take. "What do you mean?" she demanded to know. Suddenly Scott appeared before her on the other side of the casket, his face expresionless. Scott then slammed his hands on top of the casket and Evelyn found herself jolting up in bed. She breathed hard, her right hand on her chest and a tear falling down her cheek. She was quick to wipe it away and looked over to see that Bianca was still asleep. After she stopped shaking from the events that took place in her dream, Evelyn slid her legs off the side of the bed and slowly got up. Despite the dream Evelyn was feeling much better, physically anyway. Her mind was still tired though. Soon she felt a deep rumble in her tummy and grinned a little. She was hungry and hadn't eaten as much as she could have and left the room to find food in the kitchen. No one else in the entire house was up yet except for a few maids and Thomas who had just left for work and didn't even see Evelyn coming down the stairs. She walked to the kitchen and made herself some jelly which she quickly devoured and made herself a second one and washed it all down with some milk. She looked to the window above the sink and stared at the morning light shining in. The day was still cool from the night so the temperature was perfect, but it would soon get hot. Evelyn sat herself down at the table and rested her chin on her palms. She was trying to remember everything that happened in her dream. She could remember seeing Spot, she remembered what Scott said to her, This is a path you can take. What did he mean by that? Other than that the memory of the dream was fadding just like the mist. Evelyn found herself going back up stairs and got out something to write with and her journal. She took a deep breath before starting and opened the journal to a new page. Dear Spot, I know how worried you are about me and I am a selfless ass for keeping so much from you, but you see, I have my doubts as well. I'm not sure if you would ever believe me to be from a different time, the future. It scares me and makes me sick to think that if I tell you that you wouldn't love me anymore. I don't want that to happy. I love you too much. So perhaps keeping this from you is that best thing that I could ever possibly do for the both of us. Yesterday you came to me and pleaded with me to tell you evething, the truth...and I did tell you the truth, but not the whole truth. I'm afraid that I will die and my body in this time and the future will parish and I will be put into the ground and I will lose both lives to live. I'm afriad of leaving you, Bianca, my parents and everyone else. I've come to love everyone and I'm scared that anytime now it will be taken from me. That is the truth. So you see...I can't tell you these things. It would ruin you...ruin us... Sincerly, Evelyn Conneally. Evelyn put everything away after that and looked back to see that Bianca was finally waking up. "Oh...You're up before me? You must be feeling better." she half joked. Evelyn smiled. "Yeah...I do feel better." Bianca rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched, getting out of bed and placing her feet on the cricking floor board. "Have you had breakfast yet?" she asked. Evelyn nodded. "I went down and had some jelly toast." she then stopped and sniffed the air. "I do smell some pancakes though. I think I can handle a few pancakes in my belly." Bianca giggled a little and two girls walked down together to eat breakfast. Later that day Spot was hanging out with Racetrack and Kid Blink on the Brooklyn Bridge. The sun was beating down on them and the water below them looked friendly, but it would be a death wish jumping in. "So what we'se gonna do 'bout these damn papes. They's costing me a fortune...literally!" Kid Blink cursed as he said this. Racetrack shook his head. "We gota do something 'bout this. We have t'get others to help us." "What do you mean by that, Race?" Spot leaned up against the bridge and ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times and then placed his cap back on. "Ya mean like a strike?" Kind Blink said. Racetrack snapped a finger. "Yeah! Exactly." "How do ya plan on gettin' everyone t'gether?" asked Kind Blink. Spot cleared his throat. "I could help with that." he said. The boys turned their attention to him. "I can go to ask the Brooklyn Newsies for their help...We need a place to meet foist though." He turned to Spot. "This is your idea to get people together...where should all meet?" Racetrack thought for a while and then said, "Ivoring Hall." "Woiks for me." said Kid Blink. "When?" "Day after tomorrow...Evening." So it was settled then...The strike was happening. Chapter 25: City Hall Park   Wednesday, July 19th, 1899 It was beyond hot. So hot it mad you want to jump in a pool of ice. Evelyn and Bianca followed Racetrack's best friend, Finn Reardon to City Hall Park. All of the Journal newsies met there. Finn held up a paddle to quiet the crowd and to begin the meeting. Racetrack stood in front of all the newsies."All we want is fair play," he said. "It's time for Hearst and Pulitzer to play fair with us." All the newsies whistled and cheered. Evelyn and Bianca could feel themselves getting carried away with all the excitement going. Racetrack punched his right fist in the air as he said the word "time". "It's time for those rich gents to roll back the cost for our papes!" He punched the air again. "It's time that we tell's em' that we'll pay fifty cents for a hundred papes and not one cent more!" This time Racetrack raised both his hands in the air, he shouted, "Or else it's time that we STRIKE!" Evelyn and Bianca were taken back by Racetracks booming voice that reached out to the crowd and it especially impressed Bianca. She blushed at the fact how good he was speaking in front of a crowd like this. And all around them the rest of the Newsies picked up the chant: "STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!" Finally, the chanting stopped as Finn raised his paddle again. A man by the name of Morris Cohen spoke next. He cleared his throat before speaking. "We need to elect officers and plan our strike strategy." he told everyone. Bianca nominated Racetrack and everyone shouted for the approval. Then another shouted: "Finn Reardon!" and someone in the crowd shouted back, "Who?" "The guy with the paddle." Racetrack and Finn won so easily it was almost silly and so did other boys: Kid Blink, Barney Peters, Crutchy Morris, Abe Newman, and Dave Simons. Kid Blink stood up from the crowd and said, "I'm sending Pulitzer and Hearst a message! Our union will give them twenty-four hours to roll back the wholesale price of their newspapers. If they refuse, we will strike!" Kid Blink then appointed a tough-looking fella as a leader. The boy stood and said, " We can do in any scab newsboy that shows his face. We'se here for our rights and we'se will die defendin' them." The newsies clapped and howleld. After that meeting adjourned. Racetrack got down from where he stood, laughing. "What's so funny?" asked Finn. With a big smile on his face, Racetrack said, "This was a great day." "You did really well speaking." Complimented Bianca, walking ever closer to him. Evelyn noticed this and held a hand up to her face as she grinned for a few seconds. "Haha! C'mon, Bianca. Let's head back. Thomas and Sybelle will want us home soon." Bianca nodded to this. "Right," she then glanced back over at the boys. "See you tomorrow." she told them. Thursday, July 20th, 1899 It was still hot the next day and Evelyn and Bianca sipped on some lemonade while walking down the street. Their clothes stuck to their skin and their skirts felt heavier than usual. "I wonder how everything went with the boys." started Evelyn. "Yeah," Bianca agreed. "...I keep trying to remember how the strike actually ends." she suddenly said. Evelyn looked about herself. "Shh! No one is supposed to know. I think the heat is getting to your head." she grinned a little and took another sip from her cup. Just then they spotted Racetrack walking with Spot. They were across the street talking. From the looks of it the conversation seemed a bit edgy. The girls ran over, calling out the boy's names. As Spot saw Evelyn running to him he thought, "Oh Gods...She actually running towards me." he snapped back to reality and looked back at racetrack who was obviously grinning at Bianca. "Have you heard any word yet?" asked Evelyn. Racetrack shook his head and sighed. "I jus' got done tellin' Spot here what happened. I went to get my papes this mornin' and laid down fifty cents, askin' for a hundred papes...and you know what happens?" The girls stayed quiet. "He gave me back my money and pretty much told me to get outa here." Spot spoke up then. "We'se thinkin' theres gonna be a strike happenin' real soon. You goils better get on home before things get messy." But it was already too late. There was chanting of "STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!" rolling down the street. "See what I tell's ya? Get home!" said Spot. There were wagons loaded with newspapers for the uptown, Harlem, Brooklyn, Long Island, and Jersey City Newsies. "Stop the scabs!" Yelled Kid Blink, walking up with a bunch of other newsies following close behind him. The newsies that filled the street charged at the wagons. Evelyn and Bianca watched as the newsies over-ran the wagons, tearing the papers apart. The wagon drivers and scabbers abandond the wagons and started making a run for it, seeing that they were outnumbered. "Nobody's selling these scab sheets!" Racetrack yelled as he ran to help with the tearing and beating. Spot looked to Evelyn and brushed back some of her hair behind her ear. "Go home, Eve." and kissed her on the forehead. Just as Bianca and Evelyn were stepping back, ready to leave and do as Spot had said, tomatoes started flying. The girls looked to see who had made the first throw and it was Mush, laughing his butt off. Just then policed whistles were shrilled through the air. "Cheese it! Yelled Kid Blink. "It's the cops!" All the newsies ran for it then, including those scabs. Evelyn kept watching right alongside Bianca. She would see Spot from time to time, Watching him swing a fist at a cop to protect either himself or another news boy younger than him. He whipped out his cane and bashed a police right on the knee, making him cry out in pain and fall to the ground. "C'mon, Eve! We gotta go!" cried Bianca, tugging her along. "Right, right!" she said and the two of them hurried back to the house. When they got back to the house they were so tired from running they plopped their butts right on the front steps, breathing heavily. "I sure hope those boys will be ok." Evelyn said. Bianca snickered. "Hah! They have Racetrackl and Spot to hold them up. They'll be JUST fine." The two girls giggled. Just then a familiar voice said hello, their footsteps getting closer. The two girls looked up and felt their energy drain even more. It was Charles. "What on earth are you girls doing outside on such a hot day? You should be in, taking it easy and drinking lots of water." Bianca stood up and brushed off her skirt. "As a matter of fact, we were just about to do that. C'mon Evelyn." Evelyn stood up soon after and pushed her hair back behind her ears. "Good to see you, Charles." she said rather plainly. Charles smiled. "Yes. The same to you, Miss Evelyn." he looked to Bianca. "And Bianca; mind showing me in?" he asked. "Sure." said Bianca and she walked up the rest of the steps and opened the door. Evelyn walked in first and then Bianca; Charles held the door open for Bianca and went in after her. "Would you like me to get Thomas?" she asked. Charles nodded. "Yes, that would be great." he told her; as Evelyn was walking away Charles called out to her. She slowly turned, waiting. He walked up to her and whispered in her ear. "This is the last time I will warn you about Spot, Evelyn. He's dangerous and poor. You have no future with him...not a good one at least. I beg that you reconsider my offer for your hand." with that he walked away in the direction Bianca had gone to find Thomas. Evelyn scoffed at him and glared after he left. He didn't know a damn thing about Spot and nor was she going to leave him for a creep like Charles. Suddenly, her heart started to hurt; was it because it was possibly true...or for another reason? Chapter 26: City Hall Park   Wednesday, July 19th, 1899 It was beyond hot. So hot it mad you want to jump in a pool of ice. Evelyn and Bianca followed Racetrack's best friend, Finn Reardon to City Hall Park. All of the Journal newsies met there. Finn held up a paddle to quiet the crowd and to begin the meeting. Racetrack stood in front of all the newsies."All we want is fair play," he said. "It's time for Hearst and Pulitzer to play fair with us." All the newsies whistled and cheered. Evelyn and Bianca could feel themselves getting carried away with all the excitement going. Racetrack punched his right fist in the air as he said the word "time". "It's time for those rich gents to roll back the cost for our papes!" He punched the air again. "It's time that we tell's em' that we'll pay fifty cents for a hundred papes and not one cent more!" This time Racetrack raised both his hands in the air, he shouted, "Or else it's time that we STRIKE!" Evelyn and Bianca were taken back by Racetracks booming voice that reached out to the crowd and it especially impressed Bianca. She blushed at the fact how good he was speaking in front of a crowd like this. And all around them the rest of the Newsies picked up the chant: "STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!" Finally, the chanting stopped as Finn raised his paddle again. A man by the name of Morris Cohen spoke next. He cleared his throat before speaking. "We need to elect officers and plan our strike strategy." he told everyone. Bianca nominated Racetrack and everyone shouted for the approval. Then another shouted: "Finn Reardon!" and someone in the crowd shouted back, "Who?" "The guy with the paddle." Racetrack and Finn won so easily it was almost silly and so did other boys: Kid Blink, Barney Peters, Crutchy Morris, Abe Newman, and Dave Simons. Kid Blink stood up from the crowd and said, "I'm sending Pulitzer and Hearst a message! Our union will give them twenty-four hours to roll back the wholesale price of their newspapers. If they refuse, we will strike!" Kid Blink then appointed a tough-looking fella as a leader. The boy stood and said, " We can do in any scab newsboy that shows his face. We'se here for our rights and we'se will die defendin' them." The newsies clapped and howleld. After that meeting adjourned. Racetrack got down from where he stood, laughing. "What's so funny?" asked Finn. With a big smile on his face, Racetrack said, "This was a great day." "You did really well speaking." Complimented Bianca, walking ever closer to him. Evelyn noticed this and held a hand up to her face as she grinned for a few seconds. "Haha! C'mon, Bianca. Let's head back. Thomas and Sybelle will want us home soon." Bianca nodded to this. "Right," she then glanced back over at the boys. "See you tomorrow." she told them. Thursday, July 20th, 1899 It was still hot the next day and Evelyn and Bianca sipped on some lemonade while walking down the street. Their clothes stuck to their skin and their skirts felt heavier than usual. "I wonder how everything went with the boys." started Evelyn. "Yeah," Bianca agreed. "...I keep trying to remember how the strike actually ends." she suddenly said. Evelyn looked about herself. "Shh! No one is supposed to know. I think the heat is getting to your head." she grinned a little and took another sip from her cup. Just then they spotted Racetrack walking with Spot. They were across the street talking. From the looks of it the conversation seemed a bit edgy. The girls ran over, calling out the boy's names. As Spot saw Evelyn running to him he thought, "Oh Gods...She actually running towards me." he snapped back to reality and looked back at racetrack who was obviously grinning at Bianca. "Have you heard any word yet?" asked Evelyn. Racetrack shook his head and sighed. "I jus' got done tellin' Spot here what happened. I went to get my papes this mornin' and laid down fifty cents, askin' for a hundred papes...and you know what happens?" The girls stayed quiet. "He gave me back my money and pretty much told me to get outa here." Spot spoke up then. "We'se thinkin' theres gonna be a strike happenin' real soon. You goils better get on home before things get messy." But it was already too late. There was chanting of "STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!" rolling down the street. "See what I tell's ya? Get home!" said Spot. There were wagons loaded with newspapers for the uptown, Harlem, Brooklyn, Long Island, and Jersey City Newsies. "Stop the scabs!" Yelled Kid Blink, walking up with a bunch of other newsies following close behind him. The newsies that filled the street charged at the wagons. Evelyn and Bianca watched as the newsies over-ran the wagons, tearing the papers apart. The wagon drivers and scabbers abandond the wagons and started making a run for it, seeing that they were outnumbered. "Nobody's selling these scab sheets!" Racetrack yelled as he ran to help with the tearing and beating. Spot looked to Evelyn and brushed back some of her hair behind her ear. "Go home, Eve." and kissed her on the forehead. Just as Bianca and Evelyn were stepping back, ready to leave and do as Spot had said, tomatoes started flying. The girls looked to see who had made the first throw and it was Mush, laughing his butt off. Just then policed whistles were shrilled through the air. "Cheese it! Yelled Kid Blink. "It's the cops!" All the newsies ran for it then, including those scabs. Evelyn kept watching right alongside Bianca. She would see Spot from time to time, Watching him swing a fist at a cop to protect either himself or another news boy younger than him. He whipped out his cane and bashed a police right on the knee, making him cry out in pain and fall to the ground. "C'mon, Eve! We gotta go!" cried Bianca, tugging her along. "Right, right!" she said and the two of them hurried back to the house. When they got back to the house they were so tired from running they plopped their butts right on the front steps, breathing heavily. "I sure hope those boys will be ok." Evelyn said. Bianca snickered. "Hah! They have Racetrackl and Spot to hold them up. They'll be JUST fine." The two girls giggled. Just then a familiar voice said hello, their footsteps getting closer. The two girls looked up and felt their energy drain even more. It was Charles. "What on earth are you girls doing outside on such a hot day? You should be in, taking it easy and drinking lots of water." Bianca stood up and brushed off her skirt. "As a matter of fact, we were just about to do that. C'mon Evelyn." Evelyn stood up soon after and pushed her hair back behind her ears. "Good to see you, Charles." she said rather plainly. Charles smiled. "Yes. The same to you, Miss Evelyn." he looked to Bianca. "And Bianca; mind showing me in?" he asked. "Sure." said Bianca and she walked up the rest of the steps and opened the door. Evelyn walked in first and then Bianca; Charles held the door open for Bianca and went in after her. "Would you like me to get Thomas?" she asked. Charles nodded. "Yes, that would be great." he told her; as Evelyn was walking away Charles called out to her. She slowly turned, waiting. He walked up to her and whispered in her ear. "This is the last time I will warn you about Spot, Evelyn. He's dangerous and poor. You have no future with him...not a good one at least. I beg that you reconsider my offer for your hand." with that he walked away in the direction Bianca had gone to find Thomas. Evelyn scoffed at him and glared after he left. He didn't know a damn thing about Spot and nor was she going to leave him for a creep like Charles. Suddenly, her heart started to hurt; was it because it was possibly true...or for another reason? Chapter 27: Love me or leave me   Spot leaned over the Brooklyn Bridge and took off his hat, running his fingers through his hair. It was a hot Sunday and he had a splitting head ach. There was a cool wind though and it brought him some release from the abusive sun. "Oh wow. Didn't think I'd run into you here." Spot turned and saw a smiling Evelyn, but when she saw his black eye he suddenly realized what she was staring at by the shocked look on her face. "What happened?" she said, coming closer to him. Spot was a bit touchy and stepped back a little but he backed into the bridge. He didn't want Evelyn to worry or touch his eye. "Ah, it's fine, Eve. Really, I'm jus' fine." "Doesn't look like it." she put her hands on her hips, pouting a bit. "I couldn't find you anywhere after the strike. What happened? I mean, I read about it in the paper, but you can never really trust the paper. You're a newsie. What happened?" Spot sighed and put his hat back on. "Well...we certainly made a scene. Hearst has agreed to speek with us newsies. I don't know how well he will listen to us, but a bunch of us are going tomorrow to see him You want to come?" Evelyn was happy that he was asking but that didn't change the fact about his black eye. "I'd like to go, yeah. Bianca will want to also. And I'm sure Racetrack won't mind that at all." the two laughed a little about that. They both knew that Racetrack had a thing for Bianca. Evelyn's face went back to serious and stepped even closer to Spot. "Charles keeps asking." she told him, taking hold of his suspenders and resting her head on his chest. Spot put his hands on her back, huging her a bit. "What empty promises is he telling you now?" Evelyn leaned away a bit and looked up at him. "The usual. Telling me he can give me a happy life and a well secured one and a good family. Truth is though, I only want you. I want to live with you someday and have a family." Spot took in an even bigger sigh and brushed some of her hair back with his fingers. "I need to show you something." he told her suddenly. He took her hand before she could even say anything. He led her further into Brooklyn. They took a lot of back alleys and less busy streets and even a group of men were gambling with dices, placing money down on the ground. Soon, Evelyn had no idea where they were going but she was trusting Spot every step of the way. They walked for a good twenty minutes before Spot finally gave in and told Evelyn where they going after the fifth time of her asking. "It's not a pretty place, it's a sad place. I need to tell you the truth." He took her down on finally alley before they walked into a small open area. Patches of tall grass sprawled out about the place, but most of all it was just dirt. There were head stones, some where still intact while others laid practically crumbled. Evelyn looked to Spot, her face looking puzzled. "What...what is this?" "It's exactly what it looks like." he told her. "The truth of what could beome of you." Now she was scared. Spot turned her to face him completely. "You say you want only me. You want to live a life with me and have a family, but I've been doing a lot of thinking and maybe Charles is the better choice for you." Evelyn was shocked to hear this come out of his mouth and she slapped him a little and even more surprised at what she did. Spot ignored the little slap and figured he deserved it for saking this to her. "I cannot promise you a happy future Evelyn. I can't promise you a family and I can't even promise you a propper burrial." Evelyn shook her head. "You don't understand. I would rather die than be with Charles. I'd be miserable with him, you know this." "Evelyn, I'm trying to show you the real life!" he was sure not to raise his voice too much. "I don't care!" she told him. "Do I need a reason to love you? Do I need a reason to want to stay with you. Why can't you see that?" Spot placed his hands on her shoulders to try and calm her. " I CAN see that and I DO CARE. This is why I'm telling you this. I have no doubt that you will always love me and I have no doubt that I will always love you, but I don't think you will always be happy. You may think you will but things can change so fast and not in the best of ways." Evelyn bit her lower lip, trying so hard not to tell Spot what she really wanted to say. She finally burst and said the first thing that came to her mind. "You can't do this to me!" Spot was taken aback by her sudden level of voice. "You're pushing me back because you're scared and you don't want to try to make this work! You're being a damn coward!" "Well I'm sorry Evelyn, but I don't think I'm right for you. No matter how much, I want you..." he was finding it difficult to speak now. She slapped him again. "Will you stop doing that?" he said, getting annoyed. "Will you stop acting like a dumb ass?" she told him. "There are so many things I haven't told you yet and you already want to push me away. You think I'm not strong enough? Well tough! I am strong enough, I've been through so much crap it would even make your head spin!" Perhaps this was a terrible way to break the ugly truth to Evelyn, but Spot had to tell her sooner or later. "You can be angry with me all you want, but I'd rather you be angry with me 'bout this than later in the future when we're getting kicked out of our home and sitting on the street with out four kids." Evelyn just shook her head and looked to her feet. "Looks like that punch to the eye did more to you than give you a black eye. Take me home...it's hot. We'll talk about this tomorrow." Spot agreed and they started to walk back together. As they stepped out of the alley the group of gambling men seemed to have ended their game but by the looks of it, it didn't seem to have ended very well. They started to agru in spanish and Spot hurried Evelyn along the dirty streets of deep Brooklyn. Before long a gun shot was heard, the sound of it echoing off the buildings and people screaming. Spot shielded Evelyn with his body but he noticed her slip from underneath him and fall to her side. A sick feeling sunk into Spot's stomach as he realized what had happened. He flipped the unconscious Evelyn around, the right side of her forehead covered in blood. He ran his fingers over the blood, feeling no bullet hole. It must of grazed her. "Eve...?" he said softly at first, feeling like a damn fool now. "Eve?" He said her name louder this time. As he looked down at the one girl he truly cared about as she bled from her head slowly he picked her up bridal style and ran with her to get help. He was too shocked to cry, and too shocked to be pissed. It was as if his life was draining right along with Evelyn's. Chapter 28: Not your fault   Dear You. Chapter 27: Not your fault Spot ran with Evelyn in his arms, trying to make it to the nearest hospital but that was miles away. He felt powerless and regreted taking Evelyn to this place. Spot felt like it was his fault and he was beating himself over it. He stumbled once, his legs getting tired from continuiously running. As people began to notice they tried to stop Spot and help him but he could do was keep moving forward."Please, let us help you." said a man. "Is anyone around here a doctor?" Spot finally collapsed and fell to his knees, still holding Evelyn. "She's...she's bleeding. Idon' know what to do..." "I'm a doctor," A tall, middle-aged man came walking up fast. He knelt down beside the two of them and swung his shoulder bag off and placed it in front of him, opening it. "Tell me what happened." he said. Spot didn't feel like explaning. He wanted this man to just know. His mind so full of different thoughts. "There was a gun shot...I blocked her but...she fell..." The man only nodded. "Let me see her," Spot released Evelyn a bit and her hair was starting to stick to the blood. The doctor moved her hair and took a cloth, cleaning the blood as he dabbed at it. Once he had cleaned the wound better there was a visable line where the bullet had grazed her. The doctor tapped it up with gauz and started to put the rest of his things away and finally, he spoke, "She will be fine for the most, but she needs to see a real doctor." Spot gave him a puzzled look. "What...?" "I'm a retired doctor...I have a tendency to carry around my old stuff." he then adverted his attention back to Evelyn. "You need to get this young girl home and have a real doctor look at her. Are you two related?" he asked. Spot shook his head. "No...just friends."The man who was standing by the whole time finally spoke up and cleared his throat. "I have a wagon just across the street," he pointed behind him with his thumb. "I can take you to where you need to go as long as its in Brooklyn. You live in Brooklyn." Spot nodded. "Great. I'm happy to get that girl home then."Spot got back up and carried Evelyn to the Wagon where he sat in the back till they got to Evelyn's house." Spot knew that there was going to be trouble the second he walked into that house. Everyone would be blamming him, tears would come and he would get an even bigger head ach than what he has. "Do you need my help? Want to me to go in with you?" offered the man. "No...I'll be fine. Thanks." he didn't even hear the man say goodbye, he was too caught up in this mess and as he approched the door, kicking it with his foot thre times...he waited. The door opened quickly and there stood a smiling Bianca, but as soon as she realized what she was seeing her happy little smile dropped and she stepped aside. She closed the door faster than when she opened it and automatically asked.. "What happened? Is she ok?" she saw the blood splots on the gauz and an uncouscience Evelyn was even worse. "Get a doctor." Spot told her, walking up to her room to place Evelyn in her bed. Sybelle came running into the room and gasped asking what in heavens name was going on. "Just get a damn doctor!" Spot yelled. Bianca and Sybelle were both flustered and Bianca went to get the nearest doctor. Sybelle ran up stairs soon after and watched as Spot placed Evelyn carefully on her bed. "Spot...what have you done?" he voice was shaking. Spot told her the truth. "We went on a walk to talk about...us. And things...jus' didn' go as planned. So, we left, coming back here...and then...these gamblin' fella's started up a fight. A gun went off and I went to shield Eve...but the bullet grazed her." "BULLET?" Sybelle cried. Spot cringed at her cry. "This...old, retired doc said she be fine...he fixed her up." "I don't care..." she said. "I think you should leave. You've done enough, Mr.Conlon." Just then they heard Thomas come home and with him was Charles. They were laughing and joking about something in the paper. Sybelle ran to the top of the stairs and called for them to come up. Without question they did ran up to the room and saw a passed out Evelyn, a flustered Sybelle and Spot who had a bit of Evelyn's blood on the collar of his shirt."What in Gods name happened?" Thomas asked. When everything was explained it looked as if Thomas about to bit Spot's skull in, but Charles, of course, stepped in, putting in his two-senses. "Now now," said Charles. "If that old Doctor said that she will be fine than she should." he then looked to Spot. "But this man...this boy, I think should have no right to ever see Evelyn ot Bianca ever again. You're a danger to the two girls and you need to stay away." "Oh shut up!" yelled spot. "You understand nothing!" this took Charles a step back. "Evelyn told me today that she would rather die than be with you." "That's a lie." he said harshly."Is it? Maybe you should ask her when she wakes." Charles laughed. "Hah! I will." Spot looked to Thomas and Sybelle. "Please, believe me when I say that I have and never will have any intentions of harming Evelyn. I love her." This time Charles really laughe but Thomas told him to shut up. "If I was as rich as you," he gestured toward Charles. "I would have already married Evelyn and she'd probably be pregnant with our fist child!" "Stop that kind of talk!" cried Sybelle. "That's not appropriate!" "But it's the truth!" Spot cried back. "It's so true I can hardly stand it. I've never cared about anyone so much outside my family. And you knew me at all you'd know that my family comes first. I work my arse off everyday to make sure they have food on the table every night." once he finished ranting the front door opened and foot-steps were heard going up the stairs. Bianca and a doctor were standing near the doorway. "Spot..." Sybelle said calmly. "You should go now. Whatever has happened...well...we'll take care of it from here. I think it best for you to go." Spot looked to the floor and then turned to look at Evelyn. He nodded and started heading out the room, Bianca and the doctor stepped aside. "Too bad you won't be her to see her wake." Charles said to Spot as he was about to walk out the door. Spot stopped and slowly turned on his heels and looked dead straight at Charles. BAM WAP! Spot punched him good in the face and Charles went falling to the floor with a loud thud. "She will never love you!" he yelled. Thomas took hold of him and forced him out of the house and locked the door. Spot stumbled down the steps and hit his head on the railing going down. He held his head, he wanted to scream, but he just sat there hunched over, holding his head. "What's wrong with me...?" Chapter 29: Better days Static. Voices. That's all Evelyn could hear for the longest time. She couldn't move, speak or even twitch her eyelids. It was dark, but with a faint white glow in the middle where she strained to look. Once in a while she would be able to see dark shadowy figures crossing back and forth. "...Eve." Who? "Eve?" That's me. "It's me." Who is me? "Scott." How is that possible? You're...dead. "Yet I am speaking to you." I'm tired. "Of course you are. That's why I'm making this short." I'm going insane. "You have an important decision coming up." Like what? "Spot..." He doesn't want me. "Course he does." I take it back, I'm not tired...I'm exhausted. "Fight for him. If you really want him you will fight. It's the only way for you to live on in this time." Stop... "Wake up, Eve." Evelyn opened her eyes, the window near her bed was opened a crack and a cool breez was coming in. The first this she saw was the stain on the ceiling from past water problems. She sighed and then took in a deep breath. Her stomach growled and she moaned. The last thing she remembered was walking down the street with Spot...She gasped. Spot. Where was he? Was he ok? It was evening and she could hear the others down stairs eating it seemed like with all the clacking on the plates. She felt her head and bandage was there; her eyes furrowed, trying to remember more of what happened that day. Was it even still the same day? She was certainly in the same attire she picked out. Evelyn finally stood up, but a bit too fast it seemed like and held her head again from the ach. She ignored it and walked down stairs into the dining room. Thomas, Sybelle and Bianca were sitting about the table enjoying some potatos, corn and fish. Was an unsual meal put together but it smelt amazing and Evelyn breathed it in. Sybelle looked up from her plate for but a second and noticed Evelyn standing at the doorway. Her face looked as if she was staring at a ghost. Perhaps she might as well had been. "Good heavens, child. You're awake!" The others then lifted their head to see and smiled when they saw Evelyn. Bianca was the happiest of all and got up from her seat and ran over to her best friend, attacking her with a hug. "Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!" she led Evelyn to the table and got her a plate of food. "I hope you're hungry." Evelyn smiled. "Are you kidding me? I'm starving." They all sat there in silence for a moment and ate their food, going on for a while as if nothing had changed. Finally, Evelyn could no longer stand the silence. "What happened...really?" she asked. The others stopped eating their food and looked at Evelyn once again. "I mean...the last thing I remember is being with Spot." Thomas set down his fork and spoke. "Spot...he uh. He brought you home after...after you uh...were grazed by a bullet." Evelyn touched her head again. "He said he met a retired doctor on the way back to the house. Fixed you up, he said." "I need to see Spot. Tell him I'm alright and such..." Thomas shook his head. "No." "What?" Evelyn was a bit shocked. "Why not tell him I'm alright?" "You can't see Spot anymore. He is a danger to you." Evelyn noticed that Bianca had stopped eating and just stared at her food. Evelyn felt insulted. "How...how could you? Telling me what to do? Yes, you brought Bianca and I in. Fed us, clothed us. But we are not your children. We are allowed to come and go just as easily as you can kick us out. How dare you tell me what I can and cannot do. I'm tired of it! I'm tired of everyone telling what to do." Thomas sighed. "Then leave." Sybelle placed a hand on her chest and looked to her husband. "Thomas!" Bianca finally looked up from her plate. Evelyn looked at him in disgust. "I'm suddenly not very hungry anymore." she exused herself from the table and left the room with Bianca going after her. Evelyn made her way to the sitting room where the piano wasn and looked out the window to the back yard where Sybelle's green house was. "Evelyn...?" Bianca came up behind and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's not right. I'm sorry." Evelyn scoffed. "Doesn't matter anymore." "But of course it does. You are completely right. Evelyn? Do you think that we can ever leave? I mean, truly leave?" Evelyn knew what her friend meant by that and she did not have the answer for it. "I don't care anymore." she sighed. "I think you should go see Spot." Bianca whispered in her ear. "I'll understand if you want to leave and be with him." Evelyn finally turned and looked at her. "And leave you behind? No way." Bianca shrugged and gave a half smile. "I'll be ok. Besides, I have that adorable Racetrack to keep me company." she smiled a bit more then. Evelyn couldn't help but smile back then. "So you do like him...like that?" Bianca gave a little nod. "You think he'll be really handsome when he grows up? Have big hands...feet? You think?" Evelyn's face went red. "Bianca!" "What about Spot? You know what shoe size he is...yet?" she kept going at it. Evelyn gave her a playful push and then sighed. The moment was gone and the past events were taking its place again. "Go see him, Eve, seriously. He's been worried sick about you for the last day and half." Evelyn's eyes got wide. "A d-day in a half?" Bianca nodded. "Spot needs to see you and...I think you should tell him." "Tell him what?" "The truth." The truth about how and why they were really there. "Oh no. No, no, no!" "I would tell him," Bianca spoke. "But it is not my place to say. You have to be the one to do it." Evelyn didn't know what to say to her friend. "I need to be left alone for a while." Evelyn got passed her friend and went to the bed room. The bed room door opened up and in came a very flustered Evelyn. She walked about the room for a few seconds and then stopped, looking at her bed. She lifted up the matteres and pulled out the note book that she had been writing in for several months now to Spot. She sat at her vanity and started to write. Dear Spot, I've come far in this note book. I'm surprised that I have made it this far, really. Bianca told me to tell you the truth, but I can't yet. I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to wake from this nice, crazy dream yet. My head hurts a little from the when the bullet grazed me. By the way, I'm still pissed at you...If you ever read this, maybe you'll laugh at this. I'm not testing you Spot, I'm just trying to make this easier for the both of us. Someday I will tell you...but not now...Not like this. Sincerlly, Evelyn Connealy P.S. I still love you... Evelyn set the quill down and blew on the paper to dry it a but before closing it. She sat there looking at the note book, continplating if she should get rid of the note book all together and take her secret to the grave. Bianca came walking in, peaking her head in first before entering completely. She noticed the note book but didn't say anything about it. "The others...Sybelle and Thomas. They've gone to their room. I'd leave you alone a bit more, but I'm so tired." Evelyn took up her note book and stood up. "That's ok. I can head down stairs." she walked out and went to back to the living area. She paced the room back and forth, holding the note book in her right hand and mumbling to herself. She stood over a small trash can thinking about if she should dump the note book. No. Someone would find it. Evelyn placed the book down and got a small fire going. She held the note book over the fire, her hands shaking a bit and the fire hot and ready to burn anything. You have an important decision coming up. Scott's voice popped into her head and she held the note book close to her chest and grabbed a vase, pouring the water on to the fire. A light smoke rose up and soon vanished. The next day the weather was sparing; a cool breez left the usual hot summer a wonderful bliss of fresh air. Evelyn was feeling much better and the nice weather was certainlly helping. She had with her leath bag strapped over her shoulder and walking quickly to spot's house. She was in a hipe this day. After what happened last night, standing up against Thomas she felt like she could do anything...well almost. She walked into the appartment building, practically running up the stairs. She stopped suddenly at a door, a familiar door and listened to the voices that were inside. As she raised her hand, the excitment in her suddenly fadding, she realized what she was doing and her started to pound with nervousness. "I'll get the bread!" a voice yelled and opened the door. A small boy stood in the dooway looking at Evelyn with big and confused eyes. "Oh!" he said, as if remembering who she was. "Its you! Spot come quick!" Foot steps were heard, quickly making their to the door. Evelyn held her breath as she saw Spot. He looked just as surprised as her. Suddenly, he grabbed her hand and pulled her in gently. "Come," he said and led her to his room. As he locked the door behind him he took Evelyn in his arms before she could say a word and held on her for a long while. "Uhm...It's nice to see you again, Spot." Evelyn spoke softly. "Shhh..." he told her. "Just let me hold you." he said. After another minute of silence and close contact Spot had her sit donw on the bed. He looked her up and down, moving her hair away from her face and brushing his fingers against her cheek. "What are you doing?" Evelyn asked. "Just checking marks...seeing if you're alright." "I'm alive am I not," she joked a little. "I'm ok, Spot." Spot looked at her for a moment, brushing his thumb against her cheek. "I'm so sorry." "For what? The other day? This?" she touched her head. "Don't worry about it." she clutched her bag. "I have something to give you." "That can wait. Tell me why you're here." "I needed to see you..badly. I wanted to let you know I was ok." Spot nodded. "Oh! I almost forgot," she added. "What did mister Hearst say?" Spot scoffed this time and rolled his eyes. "Still a mister too proud and full of himself. He said he would "Look into it" but I don't know if I should believe that or not." "It's a start, though, right?" Spot nodded and smiled a little. "If ya say so. Now what did you want to give me?" Evelyn clutched the strap of her bag and held her breath for a second. "I just wanted to give you...to give you...this." she stopped clutching her bag and placed her hands on Spot's face and pulled him in for a long kiss. Surprised, Spot wrapped his arms around Evelyn and pulled her in close, deepining the kiss. Evelyn shivered and moaned when she felt Spot lick her lower lip. She hadn't felt that kind of feeling in a long while. Evelyn opened her mouth and felt Spot's tongue slip inside her mouth as he pushed her back on to the bed. Her laid his weight on her, feeling her chest move up and down against him. Fight for him. If you really want him you will fight. It is the only way for you to live on in this time... chapter 30: The journal   Evelyn awoke, a raging headache waking her in the early morning. The sun was just rising and she groaned. She figured that sleeping over at Spot's house would give her a good night's rest, but it was the exact opposite. She rolled over to the edge of the bed and peered down, looking at a sleeping Spot on the floor. Nothing happened last night besides a bit of kissing but, that was about as hot and heavy as it got. Evelyn blushed, remembering it. She remembered the long talk they had: they wanted to get married, but Spot was worried about being able to support her and the future that family they would have, no doubt about that. Evelyn would go home today and tell Mr. Connealy that she was leaving and would be packing her things right away. Of course, she would have to explain everything to Bianca first and make sure she would be ok. Then again Bianca would probably be totally happy for her and yell with excitement and yell, "I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!" A bird flew by the window and sat on the edge. It bopped its beak on the window, making Spot stir in his sleep a little. Evelyn put on her boots and put her hair in bun. She figured it would be better to leave without waking him, seeing how it was so difficult to leave once he got his hands on her, holding on to for dear life it seemed like. Evelyn picked up her bag and felt her journal inside. She stopped for a moment and pulled it out, looking down at it. She sighed and turned around. She placed the journal under Spot's blanket and quickly left the house without a single sound to muster. It was six in the morning and the streets were already buzzing with people. It was not unusual for a Sunday. The head ache began to sting in the front of Evelyn's head above her right brow. She rubbed at it, hoping that would help but it only grew worse. At least the morning breeze was fair. But as Evelyn neared the Connealy house she gulped as she saw Sybelle standing at the door. She was banging dust from one of her favorite rugs and dropped it as she saw Evelyn come into view. She quickly picked up her rug and ran inside. Evelyn took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. There would be hell to pay for sure. As she walked inside the freshly baked bread smelling house she saw Sybelle standing by the doorway leading into the living room. "You look to be ok." she said. "I'm glad to see you." Evelyn was shocked at first. "What?" she caught herself saying and then quickly said. "Oh. Um. Yeah, I'm ok, thanks." she almost expected to be slammed with rude comments about being out all night but she was wrong. Completely wrong. And just then Thomas came into the room, his fingertips stained with ink from reading the paper."I suspect you were with Spot?" he asked, already knowing the answer. Evelyn nodded. "Good." Evelyn raised one brow while lowering the other. "I know I have no control over you. I took you in, you and Bianca, knowing that you two could leave at any given moment. I guess I just got caught up in the idea of having to little daughters at home. But you two are not little and you are not my daughters."Evelyn wasn't sure what to say. "Oh. Well…thank you. I actually came here to tell you…everyone…that I am leaving. Spot and I want to get married. It's only naturally that I go live with him and his family." "Natural?" Sybelle said in question. "Married…?" Bianca's voice came from behind Evelyn at the front door.Evelyn forgot that it was NOT natural in this day and age to move in with a man before marriage and Bianca on the other hand…seemed a bit too surprised by all this. Bianca closed the door and leaned against it. "When were you going to tell me?" Evelyn turned around to meet her friend. "We just talked about this last night." Evelyn tried to reassure her best friend. She half expected Bianca to go on a fit, but instead, she only smiled and walked to Evelyn with open arms."I'm so happy for you!" she hugged her friend tight. She backed up a bit to get a good look at her friend and said, "Let's pack your things, shall we?" As the girls ran upstairs Sybelle looked to her husband, smiling. "You've changed." she told him. Thomas tried to hid his smile, but failed. He sighed. "I cannot be helped. Those girls have grown on me." he held out his hand to his wife. "We still haven't had our morning tea. Let's fix that." "Oh? So gentleman-like." she gladly took her husband's hand walked into the kitchen. Spot awoke not even an hour later after Evelyn left. He figured she would have left a letter, a note saying where she was going, but he already knew and smiled a bit to himself. Things were finally starting to turn around. He would talk to Mr. Connealy about getting a raise and maybe get out of Charles's grasps. He took a seat on his bed to put on his shoes. He figured he'd meet Evelyn at the house and help her pack things…if that was what she was doing. But there was something rather uncomfortable underneath him and he pulled it out from under the sheets. In his hands he held Evelyn's journal. He looked at it for a long while, knowing that he probably shouldn't open it, but he couldn't help but think that she left it there for a reason…for him. She had said there was something she had to tell him…to give him, but he had interrupted her. His heart thumped hard as he opened to the first page. It read, "Dear You.". He flipped to the next page and in tiny letters he read aloud, "Dear, reader, this journal if for you. Read it at your own risk." he grinned a bit at the risk part. The next page was just like a normal journal entry only it was for him. Dear, You I don't know why I write this. For some reason I think that maybe someday I will be able to tell you everything about me. I know I should just get on with it and tell you right now in one sentence but you would think me crazy and drop me like a dead fly. You may think that is a totally bizarre thought, but what you will learn in this journal is even more bizarre. But believe me when I tell you that this is all true. Bianca can back me up on this, I know, because the same thing happened to her. As Spot continued to read all of Evelyn's weird behaviors in the past were starting to make sense. So, whatever she was trying to get it he was sure that it wasn't too crazy…Or so he hoped. And on he read… Dear, You I know this must be really weird for you to read, but I have liked you from day number one. You remind me of someone I once knew. His name is Scott and he looked so much like you it's almost scary. To be honest, you almost gave me a mini heart attack. I was happy but sad at the same time, knowing that you are not him, knowing that you will never be him, it almost broke my heart. But I realize now that I have been given a second chance. I want to make things work out with you. I don't want to marry Charles. I don't want to live this life never telling you, but how can I tell you…? How can I make you trust me, and in believe me? Almost all of Evelyn's words were filled with worry. Whatever it was that she was trying to tell him she was serious about it and so worried about what he would think of her afterward. He was almost tempted to skip to the end just to find out, but he didn't he turned to the next page. Dear, You I have been having this terrible headache for some time now. I'm not sure when it started but I passed out a couple days ago because of it. I keep having weird dreams about lying on a hospital bed. I keep seeing him…I keep seeing Scott. He tells me I have to keep going and if I want to stay I have to fight and I have to make an important decision soon. It could be just a dream, but they seem so real. I'm scared. I don't want to die… Now Spot was really concerned. The whole time he read his heart was beating faster. He was sick with worry for Evelyn. What did she want to say so badly? And finally…his answer came sooner than expected. The journal was only written half way in when Spot reached the read. The handwriting was messy…but it was the answer he was waiting for. Dear, Spot This whole journal is for you, believe it or not. If you are reading this now , I am no doubt already gone. I can't promise you the next time you see me will be a happy moment. I'm just going to say it…Just going to write it down now because I fear I may not be able tell you in person or even continue to write in this. I am from the future…SURPRISE! You're dating a girl who's not even born yet! You rebel, I like you. The same goes for Bianca. I grew up in New York with her and we have always gone to school together. A few years ago I met a boy named Scott. I'm sure you remember me mentioning him. He became my boyfriend but, he was shot and killed in a school shooting (You remind me of him so much. I think that is why I grew so attached to you from the first place). I got upset, really upset, and went for a drive with Bianca (You'll learn more about cars as time goes on, trust me). We ended up in the hospital because of my reckless driving. It is my entire fault. But something happened and we ended up going back in time. I know I sound like a mad person, but you can ask me anything and I'm sure I'll be able to answer. I know about the coming wars. I know about the future Presidents and so much more. I even know about the Newsie strike. I don't care if you don't believe me. The fact is I have told you. It's up to you whether you believe me or not. Just remember, I love you… The journal ended there and Spot flipped through the rest of it just to make sure, but there was nothing left to read. He closed the journal and quickly put on his shoes. He picked up the journal back up and ran out his front door, his head spinning and his stomach sick with worry. He ran to Evelyn as fast as he could, praying he wouldn't be too late. Chapter 31: At deaths door Spot ran with all of his might, the wind burning his throat. He bumped into people from time-to-time, stumbling as he kept on running. Even a Brooklyn Newsie called out to him, but Spot never heard, he just kept on running. Please let her be ok, Spot thought as his legs began to give out on him. He pushed himself forward though as he turned the last corner and down the street towards Evelyn's home. Only then did he finally hit someone hard enough that he fell to his side, knocking a business man down with him. "Watch where you're going!" he shouted. But Spot never heard him. His thoughts were so loud that he could hardly hear his own heart beating. Don't die on me, Evelyn! he huffed as he reached the bottom of the stairs to her home. With one final effort to haul his tired legs up the stairs and push the door open someone else did it for him and he went flying in and hit the base of the stairs going up. Bewildered and exhausted from all that running, Spot didn't realize at first who was standing above him. "Well this is a surprise. What are you doing here?" A deep voice croaked. With all the ruckus Spot made making his way in and stumbling, only then did another person enter the main hallway. "What's the matter?" Thomas asked. He looked down and saw Spot on the floor next to the stairs. "Spot Conlon?" Thomas then looked to Charles, the one who had opened the door. "Did you know he was coming?" Charles shook his head. "Not the slightest idea why he is here. Although, I'm assuming it's because of Evelyn. But who told him?" he said that last bit more to himself than to anyone else. Spot finally hauled himself up and brushed off his pants, taking a moment to catch his breath. "Where is Evelyn?" he finally said in one hard breath. Thomas and Charles were awestruck by Spot's appearance that they both kept silent. Finally Spot grew irritated and yelled this time. "I need to see her! Tell me where she is!" At last Thomas cleared his throat and loosened the collar around his neck. "Evelyn isn't doing so well." "What happened to her?" Spot's heart dropped to his stomach. "Evelyn is no longer your concern, ." Charles butted in. With one angry look Spot looked like he was about to beat Charles in to grape fruit juice. "Don't ever say he name in front me again." he warned. Charles almost laughed at him. "What will you do, Spot?" he taunted. "You have nothing to give that is of any use to anyone." he was pushing Spot over the edge and he knew this. "You are no help to Evelyn anymore." and he said this, inching closer to Spot's face. Thomas was about to step in the way of the two of them, but Spot was faster and he pulled back his arm, clenching his hand into an angry fist and soaked Charles in the face, spit and blood flying from his mouth. Spot didn't stop there, though, oh no, and he continued to beat on him. Thomas even tried to pull him back but was pushed back in the process by one powerful shove from Spot. Charles tried to hit back but Spot was too fast and all he could do was defend himself, arms over his head, shielding his face from further punches. "You think I can't protect Evelyn? You think I can't give her anything?" Yelled Spot. "You don't know her like I do!" Finally two arms wrapped around Spot's raised arm, ready to punch one last time, but stopped him before he could by pulling all her weight down on his arm. "Stop it!" yelled Bianca. "You'll kill him!" For that second everything was quiet. Spot looked down at Bianca, her eyes were red and puffy from crying the her usual rosy cheeks had no color to them. Her hair was a mess and her lips pursed together, trying to not let them quiver. It was then that Spot looked around the room(Sybelle had made her way down the stairs by this time) and saw that everyone had the same expression spread across their faces: sorrow. Charles finally picked himself up and straightened out his suit and rubbed his face. "I'll be taking my leave. Keep me in check." Spot glanced back at him with a glare and Charles took his leave with that as a final warning. Sybelle walked up to Spot slowly and took his shaking hands in hers. Only then did Spot notice how much he was shaking with anger and worry. Sybelle's soft touch helped sooth him, but only a little but. Finally, she spoke, "Evelyn is in her room. She's asleep right now. The doctor came by not even twenty minutes ago. Charles paid for the visit." she paused for a second. "We don't know what's wrong." Spot hung his head and Bianca held back tears as Thomas placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The doctor says her headaches and fainting was brought on by stress, but I have a feeling in my gut that there is more to it than just stress." she paused again only longer this time and took a few breaths. She too was fighting back tears. "She's not breathing very well…You need to go see her right now." With that said Spot ran up the stairs and opened the door quickly to Evelyn's and Bianca's room. There she lay on her bed, like a doll set out on display, her chest slowly rising and her breathing getting raspy. She was sweating; and Spot knelt down beside her bed. "It's me, Evelyn. It's Spot. I'm here now." He grabbed her hand, wishing, praying for her to open her eyes, but she never did. "I read it," he said in a soft whisper. "I read the journal." he stopped his words short, not knowing what to say next. He shook his head and took a breath. "It's funny, I actually believe you. After seeing the way you and Bianca have acted in the past…it all makes sense to me now." still no response from his beloved Evelyn. Spot pulled himself up on the bed more and caressed Evelyn's hair. Her sweating and breathing was getting worse. Tell me what to do, Evelyn. Spot was at a lost of what to do. With one shaky hand placed on her cheek, Spot bent down and kissed her. A little shocked, Spot pulled back. The feel of her cold lips sent shivers down his spine. He kissed her again, trying to warm her lips but they were cold every time. "Evelyn? Eve…Evelyn?" Spot's voice trailed off as Evelyn slipped dipper into the hands of death. "Eve…Evely…Evelyn…" Evelyn slowly pried her eyes open, lashing flickering as the light in the room blinded her for a short moment. She was back in the hospital, back in her time. Her heart skipped a beat and fell right to her stomach. Her whole left side was thumb while her right side ached with pain and sharp pricks all over her body and she couldn't move her legs. What was going on? Did she die in the other time? Her eyes welled up with tears. "Everything will be ok know, if you want it to be. You'll see." said a familiar voice. Evelyn turned to her right and blinked once, tears falling. She lost her breath for a moment and then gasped for air. "Scott?" she whispered with a slight moan of pain in her voice. "Yes, Evelyn, it's me, Scott." he smiled down at her. "Don't worry. You're still technically asleep." his presence and voice calmed her a bit. "It's just us, I promise." Evelyn nodded in response and Scott heaved a heavy sigh. "Times up, Evelyn. You have three choices." he told her, his soothing voice suddenly serious now. Evelyn gulped once and tensed her body(or what was left of what she could feel that is) and asked, "And what three choices are those?" Scott held up a finger. "One: You can stay here, but if you choose to do that then you are choosing a very hard path. Your family will be happy and they will always be there to take care of you. But you will die in the past, leaving everyone you love there behind." He held up two fingers now. "Two: You can choose to die here and live in the other world. You will be healthy again, but life will not be easy. You know the struggles of what is to come. Are you mentally and physically prepared for that?" and finally he held up three fingers. "Or three: You can choose to die both here and in the past and come with me. You can be free from pain and suffering, but in doing so, you leave everyone behind to mourn and cry for you. It will not be easy for THEM." he told her sternly. "What should I choose? Help me, Scott." she begged him but he only shook his head. "No, Evelyn. You have to be the one to choose." All of Evelyn's thoughts were rushing through her mind, remembering everyone and everything she had done up until now. She loved her family and friends in the here and now, but she also loved Bianca who was stuck in the past and her new family and friends that she had made there. She also missed Scott. She could leave with him and be happy forever, but everyone else would be torn to pieces because of her death. Either way she looked at it people were going to get hurt. All three choices made her feel like she was being selfish. Finally, Evelyn sighed and gave Scott her answer. "I'm ready." she told him.   Chapter 32: Once upon a dream   "I'm ready." Evelyn told Scott. He just smiled, saying, "I knew you would pick that." Scott placed a warm hand over Evelyn's eyes and sleep overcame her. For some time now Spot had been keeping his head down on the bed, muttering to himself every now and then. Sometimes he blamed himself other times he blamed other people. And suddenly Evelyn's raspy breathing stopped. In fact, she stopped breathing completely. Alarmed, Spot lifted his head. He looked Evelyn over twice and touched her wrist and neck. No heart beat. Nothing. He knelt there hunched over the bed, hands shaking, too scared to touch her cold body. What do I do now? he thought. Bianca had been pacing the hallway back and forth and when she saw what had happened a hands flew to her mouth and she clasped it shut, scared to cry out. Her tears filled the rim of her eyes and finally fell down her colorless cheeks. She couldn't stand it any longer and ran down the stairs, bolting out of the house and down the street. She wanted to get away, she wanted fresh air, but everywhere she ran her lungs were held shut by choking cries. Bianca went to the only place she could get away and that was over in Manhattan. She eventually found herself on Mulberry street which was where Little Italy was. She slumped down on the sidewalk in front of a bakery and put her head down; she didn't even notice the bell that rang as someone came walking out of the bakery. "Whoa! Bianca?" Racetrack said, mouth full of freshly baked bread. He leaned over a bit to see if it was really her and with relief he sat down beside her and took a big bite of his bread. "What's the matter, Beautiful?" Finally Bianca looked up at Racetrack from her lap, red eyes and a wet face stained with tears. Racetrack nearly choked on his bread when he saw her face and tried his best to swallow it. He coughed. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you? I'll give them something to cry about!" he was getting angry all of a sudden. But Bianca just shook her head and put her head back down on her lap. "It's not that." she said quietly. Racetrack almost didn't hear her. "It's not that at all." she told him. Racetrack stopped eating and sat closer to her. "Can you tell me?" he asked. Bianca sniffed and wiped her nose. "Evelyn's dead." she said flatly. Racetrack almost dropped his bread but instead his mouth dropped. "What?" as if Bianca was just joking around. "You can't be serious." he swallowed a hard lump down his throat and it wasn't the bread. "How? When?" questions popped out of his mouth like a mad Italian man who just burnt dinner he was making especially for his wife. It took all of Bianca's strength to look Racetrack in the face and say, "Today. She said she had been having really bad headaches and then she just collapsed and never woke up." she started to cry and buried her face in her hands. Racetrack put his hands around Bianca and offered her the last of his bread. He wasn't feeling very hungry anymore. Bianca gladly took the bread and finished in in just a few big bites. She hadn't realized how hungry she was and was thankful that Racetrack had offered her this food. It almost kept her from crying too much. All the while Racetrack kept one arm around her and held her close as she cried for her best friend. Soft music played in the background, or was it being played further up head somewhere? Evelyn didn't know. For a moment she was walking through darkness, her hands out stretched before her; her feet slid carefully across the cool floor. And then as if someone had just found a lighter, dozens of candles were lit up at once, lighting the way for her down a narrow hall. The place was plain looking. Nothing was in her way, just a narrow hall. As Evelyn kept walking she soon discovered that the music was coming from up head and she walked a little faster now. The song was fairly new and she was trying to pin point the right artist. It must have been a remake of an older song. Hmm. What was it? The song seemed to be on repeat for it stopped for a moment and then started playing again. Finally Evelyn reached a dead end and pressed her hands on a wall, but it wasn't a wall. She moved her hands all across it, finding it to be a door and opened it. Bright light rushed in(the music stopping), blinding her for a moment and as she made her way through her eyes finally adjusted to the light. It wasn't a room she found but Central Park. Kids from her time were running around and playing while others just walked, taking pictures or sitting down to eat. She looked back at the door but it was no longer there, just one of the many streets of Manhattan behind her. It was busy as usual and she continued to walk, watching everyone. No one seemed to notice her and then finally she stopped dead in her tracks. What or rather who she saw sent shivers down her body. Evelyn watched as she saw herself being pushed in a wheelchair by her father, her mother to the side of her. What was going on? And then finally Evelyn understood. She was seeing what would have happened if she had chosen to stay in her time. She would have been in a wheelchair for the rest of her life, but she would have also been well taken care of, Physically and financially. Always and forever. But this was not what she picked. Her eyes became watery and tears fought their way down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away, though, and collected her thoughts and feelings as she continued to watch. Another door slowly appeared then and it creaked open just a few inches, letting her know that it was time to move on. Before leaving though, Evelyn walked up to her parents and started to cry. They looked so happy to have their daughter back. Their voiced were muted to her but she didn't care. "I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry, dad. I can't choose this life." Evelyn fought back the remainder of her tears and rushed to the door and opened it the rest of the way, escaping this bitter sweet scene. For a moment everything was white and the same song from before started playing again, getting louder and louder until it reached it's prefect volume. As the light dimmed Evelyn was shown the front door of her apartment, but it was exactly HER apartment. It was Spot's house, where he lived with his family; a voice talking behind the door. Evelyn placed her hand on the knob and gripped it tightly. Her heart was thumping loudly and so fast she felt it in her throat. Finally, she opened the door was met by Spot and a few of his younger siblings; they didn't see her either. As she walked in she didn't bother to look back because she knew the door would be closed. Spot's younger siblings ran off to another room leaving him in the main room. His back was towards her and as she tried to call out to him her voice was mute, her hand reaching to her throat; and she couldn't seem to move her feet. They were rooted to the floor, like a tree was to the ground. Spot was so close yet she could not reach him no matter what she tried. "Is this the path you really want to take?" Scott's voice spooked her from behind. "No," he said. "Don't turn around." he said this as if he was reading Evelyn's mind. "Just listen to me." It was quiet for a moment. " If you really want this just step forward." With that said, Evelyn felt Scott's presence disappear. Yes, this is what I want, she thought to herself and took one step forward, her foot making a creak on the wooden floor. Spot turned and smiled down at her and held out his hand for her to take it. This was her chance. This was her moment! With no room for second guessing her actions now Evelyn took Spot's warm hand. "Took you long enough." he told her, and with that Evelyn finally figured out the song that had been playing. Huh, she thought. Once Upon a dream. And she smiled, content with her choice. Evelyn squeezed Spot's hand and he looked down at their tangled fingers. With hope filling his heart and the sadness washing away, Spot looked to Evelyn again. Colored returned to her cheek and her eyes flickered open as she took in a deep, slow breath and turned her head some to look up at Spot. She was still in her room laying on her bed. Her headache was gone, the feeling in her legs were back and her heart no longer ached as it once did. "Spot?" she looked up at him in question. "What happened? What are you doing here?" she sat up slowly. "You look like you've seen a ghost." Spot didn't say anything. He just leaped up from his knees and hugged Evelyn tightly, laughing and almost crying with happiness. He gave her sweet kisses all over face, her neck and hands until finally Evelyn had to make him stop. "What's going on?" "I thought you died." he started. "I mean…you did die." Evelyn gave him a confused look. "Oh, it doesn't matter, you're alive and I love you!" he began giving her sweet little kisses again. Foot steps were heard running up the stairs and Mr. and Mrs. Conneally finally reached the door, their faces lit up with same exact happiness and ran to show her love. No one ever questioned what happened to Evelyn that day, they were just happy to have her back, alive and well. Bianca was soon informed and rushed back to her best friend in tears of joy and held on to her for long minutes, crying. Even Racetrack was there, celebrating in the moment. The only person to ever know about Evelyn and Bianca was Spot and they trusted him completely with their secret. There were many times when Bianca wanted to tell Racetrack, her fondness for him growing bigger as the days rolled by, but she never did. Instead she took each day at a time with him, waiting for him to grow up and be a man. However, Evelyn and Spot wasted no time in getting married the following year. With a house of their own and two good jobs, they lived comfortably in Brooklyn for many many years. Bianca and Racetrack on the other hand never got married, but they were also never apart and gave each other wonderful lessons in love. After Mr. and Mrs. Conneally passed away the house was passed down to Bianca and Racetrack who eventually ended up babysitting Spot's and Evelyn's many lovely children: three older boys and two younger girls. But not long after Mr. and Mrs. Conneally's death did Racetrack pass away from a fatal knife wound to his chest, while trying to break up a fight in a bar between to other men(This is how the real Racetrack met his end. Which is bull crap if you ask me. I'm assuming he was in his thirties or forties). Bianca wept for days but found her courage to keep on living when she found that she was pregnant with Racetracks baby boy. That was when she took his last name. As for Spot and Evelyn, they both passed away peacefully in their sleep together well into their eighties. Evelyn had survived through the great depression, world war one and two and many more frightful events. But she also lived through the happy times and took in the nostalgia with great pride, reliving some of her greatest moments in history with Spot.   End. Publication Date: June 20th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-bridgy

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-jaycee4-a-father-039-s-love/

Jaycee4 A Father's Love. Family doesn't mean a thing Where does any fear begin? Is it with a scary movie? A scary experience? Or simply a figment of our imagination? When does a fear start? Why does fear occur? Why does anything happen? What's Sophie-Louise's fear? Well to answer that I will have to tell you her story. Her story begins at birth. March 3rd 1994 and baby girl was born, 6 weeks before she should have. Weighing only 3 pounds and being born early left her in an incubator and her mother was left fighting for her life. Wires and tubes stuck out from her mothers body, it was like a spider had spun a web around her and cocooned her from the outside world. Sophie-Louise recovered quickly but her mother was in a bad way and four days later she past away. The culprit? Well thats easy, it was childbirth. Sophie-Louise was taken home and grew up with just a father around. What could be scary about that? Well I haven't gotten to that part yet. Sophie-Louise had somewhat of a normal life, friends, family, a home but something was missing. She never had a mother figure, nobody to do her pigtails, plat her hair or put her in pretty pink dresses. Her two older sisters Amelia 'Amy' and Chloe were both 25, grown up and out of the house, so even they couldn't protect her from the horrific things she would face. Nor her elder brothers Mason who was 18 or Jonathan 'John' 22, being grown up also meant they were not in the house. Growing up alone with just a father was tough since her father was an alcoholic. People say you are either a happy drunk, sad drunk, angry drunk or violent drunk. Her father well he was both angry and violent. Sophie-Louise faced abuse everyday of her life, since her father was always drinking. Not a day would go past were she wasn't punched, kicked or scratched. She never went to Nursery because her father wouldn't let her out of his sight, but eventually that changed when she started Primary School. For most children, school was a place of hell sent to destroy there childhood yet for her it was heaven. A place were she could escape the troubles of home life and be a normal girl. Even though she was at school most of the day, as soon as she got home the abuse started again. It was like a film stuck on repeat, she couldn't escape it. She feared her father, hated the person he was. She really wanted her mother but she knew that would never happen. Her father never stopped the torment. One day when she got home from school, he took his belt off from around his waist. Once....Twice....Three times the belt was hit across her back, the beating continued, she was beaten so badly she ended up in hospital with three bruised ribs, a black eye and a broken arm. Social Services were soon alerted and she was placed into a foster home. She spent the three years bouncing around from family to family. She didn't have a permanent home, for her families were only temporary. She didn't have anyone to love or care for her, well she did but they never really did care. After another four months in care she was sent back to live with her father since he had been in rehab and supposedly got the help he needed. Things started off okay, her father was nice to her but things didn't stay the same for long. He soon turned his attention to the drink and forgot about being a father all together. He began beating her again, not a day would go buy without her being beaten. She spent a few months with him then when Sophie-Louise turned sixteen her father crossed the line and committed the ultimate sin. She had just had a birthday party and was really tired so headed up to bed. She fell asleep straight away. Her father tiptoed into her room and laid down next to her and slid his grubby hands under the duvet cover. He ran his hands over his daughters leg, like a snake slithering over her body. He ran his hands over her inner thigh then up her night dress. His fingers roamed around her young body then he slid his fingers in her. Then he undid the fly on his trousers and forcefully slid himself inside her. He brutally raped his innocent, beautiful, baby girl. Sophie-Louise was awoken, she stared into her fathers eyes. She didn't see love all she saw was hatred. She tried to break free, but his grip over powered her. After he had his wicked way with her, he whispered in her ear “I love you baby girl”, and an evil smirk grew across his rancid face. He did up his fly and left the room as if nothing had happened. Sick and twisted, he didn't care about his daughters feelings. For the six months he continued to rape her, every night. Each night she would lay in bed and wait for her torment to start again. She could hear the floorboards creak as he came up the stairs. One creak, two creak, three creak, four creak, five creak, six creak, seven creak, eight creak, nine creak, ten creak, eleven creak, twelve creak, thirteen creak and finally the fourteenth creak echoed through the halls. She counted to six in her head and finally her door screech open and there he stood in the doorway, like a mirage sent to hurt her. She stared at his tall silhouette knowing what was to come. She watched as he slithered across her room and sat on her bed. His hands once again roamed her body, she closed her eyes and imaged she was somewhere else, anywhere she didn't care were the place was as long as it wasn't with him. Parish meadows, soon popped into her head. Fields of roses, lavender and daffodils. Birds were singing, the sun was shinning and the oak trees loomed over her. She didn't want to think about her father and what he was doing to her, she needed to think of something happy. The thought soon flashed out of her mind and her eyes shot open. Staring at her fathers face a small tear escaped her tear duct, her father didn't care about the pain he caused his daughter all he cared about was his sick twisted game. A twisted game of chess and once again he had the check mate. He slid off her and left the room and went back down to the living room. She could hear the television, a Beverly Hills 90210 rerun was on. She realised she was safe to move and ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Throwing her clothes into the clothes basket she jumped into the shower, the burning water scolding her. Grabbing her sponge she scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin bled but she still didn't feel clean. No matter how much or how hard she scrubbed she just didn't feel clean. Putting on clean clothes she went back to her bed and curled up into a small ball and placed the covers over her head. She closed her eyes, trying to block out what happened. She tried to tell people but she just couldn't. She went to school and acted like nothing happened. She just put on a smile and said “im fine” even though she really wasn't. She didn't want people to know about what her father did to her. If she told anyone they would judge her and call her a slut a whore or whatever they could think off. She didn't want to be bullied. She already had trouble with her father she didn't want trouble from anyone else. Home life was already hell, hell at school would drive her insane, and would potentially destroy her. It got easier for her faking a smile at school, nobody suspected anything which is exactly what she wanted. She went through life acting like nothing was wrong, smiling at school and facing abuse at home, it was something no child should have to go through. Tears, fears, pain and anger, she was stuck in a black whole with no escape. She fell into a dark place, she became depressed and one night after her father brutally raped and attacked her she couldn't take any more. She raided the bathroom cabinet and found a tub of pills. Turning the tap on she filled a glass with water, then turned and stared at the bath. She filled it with water and slowly climbed into the bath, picking up her glass she placed it on the edge of the bath and picked up the pills. She stared at them for a brief moment then popped the top off. She swallowed all the pills, she grabbed a razor blade and slit both her wrists. The crimson liquid flowed out of her wrists, sinking into the bath she prepared for death. She stared at the water around her, she just wanted to die and escape the cruel world she was in. She closed her eyes, death was finding its way to her. An hour passed and she awoke in the hospital her siblings surrounding her, she stared at them blankly. Emotions flew through her mind disappointment because she wasn't dead. Anger because of what her father did to her, sorrow because she had hurt her siblings. But mostly she felt numb. For so long she had blocked her emotions out, all her feelings locked in a box and she had thrown away the key. She didn't want the feel, the truth was she was tired of feeling which is exactly why she tried to kill herself. Looking at her siblings she realised how much she hurt them, she didn't mean to hurt anyone she just wanted to escape her father the only way she thought possible. Her sister Chloe said she would look after her, Sophie-Louise smiled and sighed with relief. The next week she was stuck in hospital before she was finally discharged. She went home and packed a bag and moved in with her sister and her sisters fiancé. Her father was arrested and kept in a prison cell, she was free from him for a wile. A week later she went Cranberry Court she stood in the dock and made a statement, about her years of abuse. She looked at her father, she looked into his eyes and realised she didn't have to worry about him any more. Her father was sentenced to fifteen years in prison, she sighed with relief. Finally she was free, free from the pain and torment. She went back to her sisters home and curled up on her bed staring at a photo of her mother. She was now a child without parents, but at least she still had family. She started a new school and made new friends. It was a chance for her to start fresh, have a new life, although her past still haunted her. She was on depression tablets and had to take them everyday. Some days were harder than others but she just pushed on through. She had been through so much in her life, more than other teenagers her age had been through. Most teenagers just had to deal with spots and boyfriends but she had bigger issues she had to deal with. Publication Date: November 7th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-jaycee4

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-raissa-kodia-aint-about-that-life/

Raissa Kodia Aint about that life BookRix GmbH & Co. KG 81371 Munich Intro      Arianna    Tamala    Suziay    Jay     Dontre   Damin   Jannel  Kylie ............................IN..............................   Aint About That Life     Being a junior at Ridegford high isn’t so easy for miss Arianna. Through the romors about her and Damin to her girls acting plain crazy she aint ready for the drama. After her mom kicked her out after finding out she wasn’t a virgin anymore, Aria has been living that hard life on her own. One night when she finds out her boyfriend was cheating on her she goes out with her girls to take her mind off the BS but something goes down. Why? Was someone hiding something or was it just lies? What really happen that night? Aria will soon find out that some people on this world just ain’t about that life. Getting to know the characters :   Arianna : She is a sassy little teenager and really loves her babe Jay,but she isn't scared to speak her mind and be who she is. Tamala and Suziay are her very dear best friends. This 16 year old is alot of fun and she loves to party, always hanging and chilling with her girls but she is also all about a having time with Jay. Sometimes that can get in the way with some things. Her personality and her looks got the boys going crazy, wanting to tap that booty. She is on the thick side but shes still fit with her moca skin and loves her weave. Suziay : She is a preppy but cute girl who always wants to fit with the popular. She is with Damin and loves him alot and doesn't want to lose him but has a little something for Dontre. But this preppy cutie always has a opinion witch sometimes pisses off her girls. Even though her mouth is everywhere she still there to kick ass for her girls. She loves to party and have fun with her skinny long hair self. Sometimes a little too much fun but she is trying to change her partying ways because she is growing. Really Growing. Tamala: The ghettoest of them all. She loves to Party and have fun. Her boo is Dontre. They had a on/off relationship for the past 3 years but she loves her some tre. She has mad style and loves her some vodka! Shes always the one to step in for her girls when needed and is a very fun person. She has the I dont give a damn atitude. She always thinks someone has a little something for her man witch can piss off her girls. She is a short girl with a tall atitude. Jannel : She is a stuck up puerto rican princess who loves her some dark chocolate. She is all over Jay and can't stand Aria. She is always up for a challenge and her mouth can get her in some trouble. She has been on/off friends  with Aria , Suziay and Tamala for as long as she can remeber and she is apart of the populars with her best friend Kylie. She is a tall long dark haired girl. Kylie: She is a sweet country girl with a bubbly atitude. Shes nice and hates drama but best believe with beat ass if needed. She is the preppiest but yet ghettoest white girl youll ever find. Shes always with her best friend and likes her some Dontre. She is also classy. Its least likely for you to find her drunk on the road. Jay: He is one of the flyest nigga up in school and is the captain of the Basketball team but wants to persue his dream in rapping. He loves his baby Aria and hates to  lose a arguement. He is a tall dark and hansome guy and always there for his family/friends. Sometimes he makes mistakes but learns from them and try not to make the same mistake again. Aria got him sprung and he really doesn't want to lose her. Dontre: He is a smooth criminal and best friends with Jay and is a star Basketball player . Hes always there to support his friend and brother Damin and is a true ride or die. He plays around alot, and thats why his relationship with Tamala is always messing up because of his dirty ways. Hes very agressive but has his soft side. He really loves Tamala but sometimes he follows the devil instead of the angel on his shoulder. Damin: He is Dontre's older brother by a year but acts like a older brother of 5 years and is also one of the star players of the basketball team. He is always the one to tell Dontre and Jay to wake the hell up and stop acting stupid but he does the same shit. He is a real gentle men and loves his baby Suziay. He also has a soft side and doesn't like to be messed with and secretly has a little something for Aria.   Chapter 1 Waking Up To A Sweet Face Aria's POV : I wake up to see Jay, my boyfriend in bed right next to me. I sit up and look around my apartment. I Get up and walk over to the bathroom and get dolled up for school. Im waiting for my girls Tamala and Suziay to come pick me up even though i have my own car, I still wanna be with my girls. When i walk back into my room Jay is wide awake. "Hey baby." He says stretching."Sup sleepy head, did you forget we had school today?" Ever since I moved out of my moms, Jay has been sleeping over often and im loving his company. He stares at me while im putting my apple bottoms on "What are you looking at?" I Laugh and we kiss. Its 6:00 am and we need to get to school. Im not trying to hear mrs.Remseys loud ass mouth again this morning saying "Late again Miss.Jackson?" So i tell jay to hurry on and get washed up. Then out of nowhere theres a car that pulls up in my driveway bursting with music "It wont stop" By seven streater so i already know its Tamala. She honks her horn knowing its early in the morning and yells "GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE." I roll my eyes and yell back "IM COMMING." I walk back into the bathroom to see a half naked Jay."Im leaving with Tam and Suz." I grab my purse and wallet."See you at school" I say and leave. "Hey girl." Suziay says flipping through her phone in the back seat of Tamala's pink laddy bug."Hey yall." I hop in the passenger seat and Tamala Turns down her music."I hope there isn't any drama today, im not in the mood for it."  Me and Suz laugh "Right Tam. I dont wanna hear it today." Suziay rolls her eyes "What-chu mean today? I don't wanna hear it today or tomorrow or the day after that and after that" This girl is crazy but its true. Im tired of all the BS. "Yeah especially after you know.. what with Damin" Tamala says as she looks at me. Last year me and Damin met, He had a little cush on me but i was with Jay so when i rejected him infront of the whole cortyard, he got mad and made up a rumor saying that me and him hooked up in the bathroom and i got pregnant and had a abortion so Jay wouldn't know, What a Bitch. Just because im on the thick side doesn't mean shit. Its not like i had a beer belly but whatever."You know it wasn't true. I would never hook up with Damins rachet self." I roll my eyes "Don't talk about my man like that Aria" Suz screams and me and Tam laugh."Whatever its not like you put him in check anyways" Tam pulls up to school and we get out. I Look around and I see satin itself standing by the courtyard walking over to me. What the hell? Tamalas POV: When i pull up at school me and my girls step out and I look around. Aria looks distracted so turn to Suziay "Ima go to the bathroom." "Okay Girl." She replies. I run to the bathroom and my iphone starts beebing. One new text message I press read and its my babe Dontre: Hey Bae meet meet me in da bthroom. I roll my eyes and write him back: I Kno U tol me 2 times alread. Somthin wrong? I Wait about two minutes and no reply so i wait around for him but no show. I walk into the boys bathroom and look under all the stalls. No one. I yell "Dontre!" No reply? The fuck he think this is? I text him again : where u @? . I wait around and the bell rings. I text him again telling him how much of a ass he is for making me come in here for no reason. As i walk out the bathroom i feel a arm around my waist."Why you keep me waiting?" I turn around." Well damn sorry." he replies and tries to kiss me, Oh hell Naw."Wait so you gone sit here and not show up then expect me to kiss your ass after making me wait? Ha , got me bent!" I walk away. This nigga got it twisted and I don't even wanna talk to him. "TAMALA!" I can hear him screaming my name but i can careless. I step into class and sit next to my girls. Suziay POV: When i see that Tamala fully walked away i feel my phone vibrating in my coach bag. I pull it out and the text is from Dontre: Hey wheres Tamala? I watched her walk into the building and text him back : Shes heading to the bathroom.Y?  I see Damin and run to him forgeting about Dontre "Baby!" I Jump on him and kiss him."Woah  Bae your acting like you aint see me in months."I Smack him in the back of his head."Of course fool i haven't seen you since saturday!" We hug and he feels soo warm and smells like Axe."Wheres Aria?" I pull away from him. What he tryanna do? Play with my emotions? "Uh Why?"  I look  up at him and its silent for a second."Just wondering..." I roll my eyes and look around the courtyard."I dont even know." I feel my phone vibrate thinking its Aria but insteat its Dontre: Can u meet me in da ganitor room? I stare at the text for some seconds and Damin looks at me like im turning green."Whats up?" I close the text and reply quickly "Nothing"."You sure?" he looks at me suspiciously."Positive" I look across the yard "I, imma be back."I run into the building and walk to the ganitor room."Hey" he says as i open the door."Hey..Shouldn't you be with Tam?" I Walk in and close the door behind me. We stand there in silence then he steps closer to me but i step back."Did you hear what i said?" I say, he looks nice in his Addidas skirt with matching shoes and smells like irish spring. Lord why is he so cute? Wait no, I got a man. He tries to grab my hand but i open the Ganitor room door and say."Focus on your girl?" and walk away. Aria's POV: When i walked out the car and saw Damins face looking at me and walking over to me and i freezed. What do this nigga want?! I hurried and ran to go find Jay. I looked around searching and when i tried to call him it went straight to voice mail. As i turn back around, I see Tamala walking into the building and Suziay on her Samsung texting, Again. I  start walking backwards and i didn't even notice until i bumped into someone "Oh Shit Sor-" I stop in mid setence to see a ugly Jannell infront of me."You need to Watch where your going dumb fuck." I roll my eyes and say "Girl please. Even if I was watching where i was going, its not like i wanna bump into your ugly self" She dust off her shoes like there was dirt on them and yells "Look at what you did to my Channel heels" I Laugh. Is she seriouse? Waisting my time for her ugly ass SHOES."Obiviosly there some knock offs and do I look like i give a good god damn? Uh Nah"." You are just mad because your a two cent broke hoe and im NOT" She replies as she flip her puerto rican dark brown hair."Im the hoe? But last time i checked your all over MY man and your so fast to be his jump back tramp when he needs ya? Don't even" She laughs and says "Your not getting any play huh? Aww so sad. Atleast I get play and dont beg for it."  What a Bitch. I Just wanna grab her neck and kill her! She walk away and the bell rings. I hurry to class and sit by Suziay, leaving Tam a empty seat."Good morning class.Your agenda for the day is on the board. Please take your notes" Mrs.Remsey says as a pissed off Tamala walks in. We Start working and i look down at my phone and see a text from Jay : Hey bbe. srry im l8te and sht fo class I slept wen u left. Luv u Chapter 2 Time to get Turnt!   Jays POV: Thank the Lord its the week-end! You know what they say, you gotta get down on friday! So me and the boys going out and so are the girls. My phone beeps One New Text Message . I press read and its from Damin: U still goin to da club wit us? This nigga already know the answer. I Write his dumb ass back: Ofcourse dummy! i pull Up to Ari's house and grab my week-end bags. I Knock and on the first knock she flings the door open."Hey Ari." We hug and she kisses me "Hey baby." She looks fine in her Booty shorts and White victoria secret tight camisole. She grabs my bags and puts them in her clothset. I grab her from behind and pick her up and bring her to the couch as she screams." QUIT!! You know i hate it when u do that!" I Laugh "Oh you think its funny?" She punches my arm. I Put my hands up in a way that says i surrender  and we laugh. I lay next to her on the couch and cuddle her in my arms."You better act right tonight." She says. Hell yeahh imma act right. I love her i dont wanna lose her."I will don't worry babe"."Okay" We kiss. Her warm lips touching mine conforts me. Then out of nowhere the door opens and someone walks in, interupting our make out session."Oh Shit! PG 13!!" Damin yells."Man Shut the fuck up" i get up. What is he doing here?" How did you get in my house?" Aria Yells and gets up."If yall really wanted to get it in yall wouldve closed the door. Real talk" Damin says and We laugh but Aria doesn't seem amused. She rolls her eyes and walk upstairs. Damins POV: I watch Aria as she struts upstairs. Damn that ass though. I wish i could tap that. Jay is lucky Asf! I keep staring at her ass until she is upstairs."Whats up?" I give Jay the handshake and sit down."Nothing. Yo why you interupt i was gonna get some." Jay says and we laugh."Are you ready to go?" i say while looking at the time. Its 11:45 and i wanna get there as soon as the stripers do."Im waiting for you and Dontre" I pull out my phone and call Dontre."Hello?" he picks up sounding annoyed."Are you ready to go?" I Ask."To go...?" Is this nigga serious? The club ofcourse."The club?!" I tighten my jaw. My brother can be so slow sometimes."Oh..yeah" he says sounding distracted."Meet us at Aris place"."Okay God Damn" He yells and ends the convo. I Walk back inside."Imma go get ready" Jay goes upstairs."iight" i say siting down and watching tv. 10 minutes later Aria comes downstairs and goes to the kitchen. I get up and follow her."Hey Ari" I say as i watch her pour milk in a bowl."Are you lost?" She says."Uh No? Can we talk?" She rolls her eyes and theres a pause."You got 2 Mins." She turns around a faces me."Im Sorry for what i did. I didn't want to hurt you i just dont take rejection well..This whole thing is petty shit. Can we leave the past in the past and atleast get along?" She grabs the bowl of cereal " Whatever" she says and walks away. Damn shes sexy but thats My niggas property, not mine. I walk back in the living room and Jay comes downstairs. We start talking then we hear a Horn honk. Dontre's here. Dontres POV : "Why are you still mad Tamala?" I ask as she storms out the room. Shes been ignoring me since moday when i didn't show up at the bathroom like planned."CAUSE I HAVE EVERY SINGLE DAMN RIGHT TOO!" She yells as she speed walks downstairs."THIS IS SOME STUPID SHIT TO GET MAD AT" I yell."I DONT GIVE A FUCK! WHERE WERE YOU? WITH A POPCORN HOE?" She Yells. Everythings silent then my phone rings, Its Damins stupid self. When im done talking to him Tamala has tears down her face."Baby" I walk over to the couch where shes sitting and touch her arm. She hops up imidiatly."DONT PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON ME NIGGA!" She walks over to the stairs but i stop her. Im am not boutta play no tag with her around the house. I Spin her around to face me."Baby i didn't do ANYTHING!" I say."STOP PLAYING THESE LIEING GAMES WITH ME TRE!" She yells in my face and tries to get my hands off her but im not letting her walk away."THIS IS ALL YOU CAN DO! YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT THE BITCH YOU GOT AT HOME YOU JUST WANNA RUN AROUND AND PLAY GAMES WITH ME AND SOME OTHER HOP A HOE!WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND TRE?! IM DONE!!" She yells with tears down her face. I let her go and she runs up stairs and i run afther her."LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE!!!" She screams on the top of her lungs like she crazy. I Grab the cloths im going to wear and get ready. I love Tamala but i dont know where my head is right now. When i finnish getting ready i knock on The bedroom door. No answer. I try to open it but its locked so i grabed a keychain and unlocked the door. I see Tam on the floor crying. I walk over to her and hold her in my arms."I love you. Im sorry but i didn't do anything.."She doesn't answer."Im going out with the boys.." I walk out the house and get in my car and drive to Ari's house.I honk The horn to let them know im here and they come storming out."What the fuck took you so long?" Jay asks as he hops in the back seat of my escalade. I dont answer so they know i got in a fight with Tam."Who is going to be the sober to night?" Jay asks." I Am" Damin says. We pull up to the club ready to TURN UP. Jays POV: We walk into the club and i think im in heaven! I promised i wasn't going to do anything to Aria. I love her so much.We get on the dance floor with our song "Bands to make her dance". I Grab some shots and drink up and dance with my boys. Dontre mustve really had a bad fight with Tamala because he is drinking up a storm. I drink some vodka and head to the dancefloor. Then this girl slides next to me and start dancing on me. Even though a nigga is drunk they can still reconize there hoes, especially this one."Hey Jay" Janell says as she grinds her puerto rican booty. I move to the side."Hey, wha--ah yourrs doing herea?" I say slurping i feel like everythings a blurr but im still very aware of my instincs." I came to party!" She says in my ear, purposly putting her lips on them. Um okay?" Cool.." I walk away from her and look over to see Damin talking to a girl at the bar. I look closely to see Kylie. She is touching him and stuff..If Suziay was here. But I aint finna be a cock blocker. If thats what he wants okay..I keep dancing and drinking and i feel like, i need to throw up. I look over and see Dontre with a striper throwing bills so i go and join him."Arrrre youww good?" i ask drinking my Ciroc." Yea..Just a lil stressed". I shake my head."I knooo you loove Tamala.Just don't mess uppss kaa?" I walk away and go on the dance floor to dance to my song"seasonal love" and Janell walks up and starts grinding on me but i push her away. She needs to stop! Chapter 3 Leggo   Ariannas POV: I kissed my baby good bye and watch that black escalade speed off. I walk back inside and call my boo Tamala. No reply. Thats wierd. I text her and wait 5 mins. No Reply. I put my uggs on even though its kinda still summer and lock my door then hop in my car. Who does that bitch ass think he is? Walking into MY house, interupting me and My babe and asking for MY forgiveness? Straight stupid stuff right there. He is so stupid? What does Suz see in Him? Like lets be real, he is a asshole for looking at my ass and hitting on me when he has a girl. Ugh men! I mean , I love mine but some niggas just dont diserve ANY respect. I pull up to Tams place and run up to her door. I knock , knock and knock but No reply. This girl got me worried. I pull out my iphone 4 and call Suziay."Hello" She says in her white girl voice."Hey Suz.." I say and look back at Tamalas house."Whats wrong? sound..worried?" I knock again" Tamala is killing me, She isn't answering her phone. Not Texting me back and now im at her door and shes not answering"."Um..Hmm, I dont know" i look around.I knock again and Tam Opens The door Like she gone kill someone."Imma call you back." I say to Suziay and hang up the phone. Tamalas POV: Why does he keep doing this to me?Tears stream down my face as i look around the room.Why does he hurt me so bad but yet I stay with him? I Sniff and hear him close the door behind him. I look around the room, feeling dizzier then ever and stand up. FUCK HIM. My pink iphone beeps and i grab it. One New Text Message I hit read and its from Dontre : Im sorry babe, i dn't want 2 hurt u But im nt gone own up 2 somthin i ant do. i love u ♥, I write back : I love u 2 <3 and sit down on my bed. He keeps hurting me but then i run back? Why..why does he have to be so fucked up but so awsome at the same time. I lay down with tears in my eyes and fall asleep. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. I wake up to hard knocking on my door. I get up and look at myself in the mirrow and see that my eyes are hella red and my hair is all messed up. I Walk over to the door and open it and see Arianna. As soon as i open the door she steps in and touches my face."Well come in.." I say. She looks like shes inspecting me."Are you okay?" She touches my forhead and checks for cuts and bruses and shit."Yeaa?" I walk to my room upstairs."What happened here?" She says looking at the horrible crime scene. The bad news is the nigga aint dead."Dontre" I say as i fix my bed."Oh lord, What happened now?"."I Don't  even wanna get into that Bs. Lemme get cute and we can go pick up Suziay. Call her cause ya already know she hella slow." I Walk into the bathroom and get cute. When im done i step out with my baby phat white dress, Gold heels ,My hair in a bun and some Bamboo Hoops."You look good girl, Lets go back to my house cause i needa get dressed and Suziay getting ready,I Called her." Ari says. I nod and walk into her white bently. Suziays POV: Afther im off the phone with Aria i walk into my room and someone calls me. I pick up my Samsung and its Damin. Why is he calling me he should be with his boys? "Hello?" I Say while walking into my bathroom."Hey baby i just wanted to say we reached the club and imma be home later" I look in the mirrow and straigten my extra long hair."How late is later?" I wash my face and brush my teeth."What is that noise?" He wanna play games trying to change the subject."Im brushing my teeth" I spit and rinse my mouth out and the toothbrush."Answer my question." He pauses and then answers."Maybe around 2 am, i dont know.." I roll my eyes."Okay bye baby"." Bye love you" I blush and reply."Love you too and DONT try to do ANYTHING tonight" I end the convo and get into  my  strapless purple dress. I walk out my room and I hear a knock on the door.Who is this? I open the door and its Kylie."Hello" I say."Can i help you?" I look at my rolex. I have to go."Can i help you?" She mimics me."Is there a problem?"."STAY AWAY FROM DONTRE!" My eyes widen. How did she know? "I know alot of things. STAY OUT OF MY WAY HEFFER!" She yells in her high pitched voice."He isnt even your man and isn't mine eighther. Its Tamala's property." I flip my hair. Why am i so Fabulous? "Don't Play with me! Im warning you!" She yells. I once again flip my hair and smile with my hand on my hip."Im warning you to leave my house! Now" I grab my keys and leave. This girl has problems. I like her and shes super popular but im more pretty and thiner so she needs to back up. Im not even with Dontre i love Damin. I walk out my house and see kylie running in her heels to her car. She tries to open the door but breaks her nail."Ow" she cries and drives away. I jump into my car the classiest i can and put my Gucci glasses on and looks myself in the mirrow. I then drive off to Aris house. Aris POV: Were in the car and Tamalas Sadly quiet."Tam, whats wrong?" Then i see a tear down her face and she wipes it fast."Nothing Im ...Fine" I pull up to my house and stop the car."Tamala you can tell me anything.What happened?" She turns around to face me and tells me everything that happened monday."Me and tre were suppose to meet monday in the bathroom but when i walk in there i aint see him so..I got mad and i went looking for him. Then he comes in the bathroom all late and tries to kiss me and acts like nothing is wrong? Im tierd of the games? Then when i confronted him today he got mad and  said why am i still mad?! IS THIS NIGGA CRAZY? Im so pissed off i cant even, We get in a big ass arguement and he just leaves to go to the club with his 'boys'". I confort her  and rub her back."Tam its alright but you never know, Maybe he wasn't cheating and really loves you. What if you were in his position and you were being accused?" Theres a long silence and she opends the door."Your right..Maybe im just over reacting." We walk into my house and i go get ready. I put my hair down and curl it. I put on my short fitting black dress and a red belt and Red shoes. I Put red hoops on and do my make up with Tamala. Since she was crying she needed to fix it up. I Walk downstairs to wait for Suziay and me and Tam start talking."Monday i bumped into Janells RACHET ass and she was tryanna talk stuff." Tam Laughs then replys while poping her gum."LAWD! This bitch. She is Cray with her white ass. I think she likes Tre or some shit." I Laugh."Forreal? mm i dont trust her."."Got that right. Shoot" We laugh then theres a knock on the door. I Get up and answer the door and see Suziay.We hop into my bently and off we go. We reach the club at around 1:30 cause all that time we took to get dolled up. We walk in and directly me and Tam hit the floor. Ofcourse Suziay's classy ass still at the booth sipping champaign. Our Song is playing so we all hit the floor and start gettin it! "AND SHE GONE SHAKE IT LIKE A RED NOSE" We all start doing the red nose and twerking on each other."LIKE LIKE LIKA LIKAA REDNOSE AND SHE GONE" Tam screams. WE TURNING UP! I walk over to the bar and get us a whole tray of shots and bring it back to our booth."CHEERS!" We do a toast and drink up our shots. We kept drinking and drinking. I head to the dance floor cause my song is on right now. I Start to dance with my magarita and we all was turnt. I MEAN TURNT! Chapter 4 That doesnt stop me Ariannas POV: I feel the covers move and i open my eyes. I look at my clock and it says 4:23 am. I turn around in bed to see a drunk Jay. "What took you so long to come home?" I can smell his liquoir from here."Iiihh Waa-waa-wass Turrnttts" He slurs and slides in bed and puts his hands around my body."I can see that."."I missed you" he kisses my neck and chills runs down my back."I missed you too." I say as he kisses my neck and licks it. I  hear him tear a raper and turn back around. We start to kiss with his nice soft lips as i get on top of him. He grabs my ass and i laugh. I continue kissing him and kissing his nice built body and lets just say we start getting it in and having fun! Real Talk. I wake up with the sun in my face. I touch the side of my bed and see that Jay is gone. I look On my iphone and its 9:30 and i gotta be at work at 10." Shit" I get up and run to the bathroom all naked and i hear laughter. I turn around and see Jay. I smile and run to go brush my teeth. When im done i take a shower and Put on a some skinnies and a plain White polo on with white wedges. I give jay a Peck. "Thats all i get?" I laugh at this niggas cockiness and walk toward the door."A peck is all you will get if you keep it up." We laugh."Iight i see how it is, Bye babe love you." I smile and head out the door with my purse. The wind starts blowing my hair everywhere."Love you more" I say and get in my car. I Drive off and arrive like 20 mins late."Hello Ari" My boss melissa says."Hello miss malissa." She smiles at me sarcastically and i put my starbucks apron on. Tamalas POV: Its 9:59 and i just woke up.I look around and yell."OH SHIT IM LATEEE!" I hop up and run and get dressed In Some riped up booty shorts and a white half shirt showing off my belly piercing. I look around and run back to my room. I get on top on dontre And kiss him. Yesturday when he got back we talked about it with his drunk self and we hashed things out. I think thats the only thing i remeber from yesturday too. I pop a asprin in my mouth cause my head is killing me and Run out the house screaming "BYE BABY ! LUHH YOU" I hop in my pink lady bug and drive off to work. When i get there i try to sneak into the back and put my starbucks apron on. Then a voice is behind me."HA ! You was late too but your hella late my friend." I turn around to see Ari."Girl BYE. Speaking of late, wheres Suz?" I Scroll down my contacts on my phone."She called in sick. She has a bad headche but you know already she dont drink all like that with her prissy ass." We laugh and walk to the cash registers. I text her to see Whats up: GIRL, u late fo work? u stayin in cause yo head hurt? I wait for her to answer like 2 minutes afther: Ya feeling sick. I text her back saying okay and a high pitch prissy voice tryanna say something."Are you suppost to be texting at work?" She smiles her ugly crooked smile and i look up at kylies stupid self." ANNND? How does that give you the right to add you 2 cents into her bisness?" Ari jumps in." BITCH BYE!" I yell."Aren't you suppose to be working in this..LOW class coffee shop instead of texting?" Kylie flips her hair."You know you came here looking for drama and you got it baby!" I yell taking off my Bamboo hoops and tieing my hair."CHILL TAM. She aint worth it." Ari holds me back. "Nahh... LEMME  just get at her skanky ass!" I Grab her hair but MISS Melissa comes out of nowhere and pulls me back."You know thats not how you treat customers..Especially PAYING customers" I roll my eyes and neck like only a black girl can and say."Wellll! Paying customer, How may i help your ugly prissy skanky tiny booty ass?" I make a sarcasitic smile and Kylie replys."Miss melissa you can help me by fireing the BLACK ass bitch." Suziays POV: I wake up and its 10:00. I streach to get ready for work. Then my phone buzzes. I look at it One New Text Message. I Press read and its from Dontre :Hey..I miss u && i want to see u please just..talk to me? Meet me at my house. I sigh and get back to bed to call my boss and tell her that im calling in sick. Then Damin walks into the room. "Hey baby" He kisses me."Why you calling in sick for work?" I stare at the text and say." I don't...I don't feel good baby." He nods and kisses my forehead."I hope you feel better." I smile. I love his company and him..its just perfection i see when i look into his eyes."Thanks." i look down and frown."Whats wrong?" I look away."I don't want you to go to work."He laughs and hugs me."I got to get that cheddar baby,but i promise to come home early." he says and i laugh. "Okayy! And ill be waiting for you." I wink and he starts to laugh."Iight ma. Imma see you later." We kiss and i reply."Okay love you."."Love you too." I watch him go downstairs and leave the house. I go close the door behind him and my phone buzzes again reuining the moment. Surprise, surprise its Dontre: So u ignorin me now? k i feel the luv. I roll my eyes and reply: Wht luv? ders nun and will neva be some luv for u from me. What a nigga, doesn't even have class. I walk over to the bathroom and straighten my already straight and cute hair. I put some camo booty shorts on and a black tank top. I walk over to the kitchen and makes some oatmeal. I wanna stay fit for my baby. I finnish eating and theres a knock on the door. I open the door and this nigga walks in like its his house."So you bitchin' threw the phone?" What the hell does he want?."Well hello to you to." I walk over to the kitchen and bring my plate to the sink thats already full with dishes."Stop playing with me Suziay. You know you love me." I turn around to face him."I DONT LOVE YOU I HATE YOU SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE GOD DAMN!" I yell slow and clear so he can get it through his head."AND YOUR DATING MY BEST FRIEND! I AINT NO HOMMIE HOPPER" I flip my perfectly flat ironed hair and put my hands on my hips."OKAY? THAT DOESNT STOP ME FROM LOVING YOU!" He yells and pull me close. He smells so good."I thought you loved Tam?" I Whisper and his jaw tightens. Theres a silence in the room and i look at him like "Exactly". I turn around to leave but Dontre holds my arm. I look back at him and he has a tear streaming down his face. He has a complicated relationship with Tam and i understand that but im tierd of being his TOY that he plays with. I wipe the tear away and he pulls me in closer kissing me and i kiss him back. He picks my up and brings me upstairs. When were upstairs he gets on stop of me and we start to kiss, he takes off his skirt and reaveals his perfect body  then everything goes black. Arianna's POV: I finnished work at 8:00 pm. I take off my apron and grab my purse."Damn whats with da rush?" Tam laughs and i push her playfully."Girl i just wanna hurry up and get out this mofo."."What? Yo baby daddy need some." I roll my eyes and smiled."Whatevaa!" We laugh and walk out of work."Lets go get our mans and shit and lets go to a bowling bar." Tam yells like she has a good idea."Yeaahh! Okay what time?" I look down at my phone and i see i have a text."Um since its a bar so lets go at 10 cause ya already know how Suz be !"."iight" I hop in my car and Tam throws up the dueces in hers. I roll my hasel eyes and she rolls her green contacts. When i pull up at home its a text from Suz: Hey girl!. She sounds more happy then a sick person is suppose to sound. I text her back asking if she coming to the bowling bar with us and she says yes. I hop out my car and walk inside to see a passed out Jay on the couch. I walk upstairs and put my bag down and go back downstairs. I lay on Jay and immediately wakes up and looks at me then close his eyes."Hey were going to the bowling bar." I sit  up on top of him." With everyone?"." yah, Da whole crew." I say trying to make and impression of him and he laughs."Your not funny."." Who said you where?". I roll my eyes and punch him hard and he pushes me off the couch and we laugh."Play too much!" I yell and act like im mad."But im forreal, are you comming?" He looks at his phone and replys."Yeah. Lemme get ready."."Okay ! TURN UP !" I yell." FUCK OUTTA HERE" He yells. I laugh and go to the bathroom to get ready. Tonight is gonna be Turnt! Can't wait.     Chapter 5 Its always a good time Jays POV: When im done getting ready i call up my man Dontre and tell him whats up."You comming right?" I say as i walk over and put my rolex on." Yeah, everyones going." I check to see if Ari's done and she looks fine in her green skinnies and grey half shirt with a green smiley face on it and her grey heels."Okay, ill see you there."."Iight" I hang up and walk over to Ari whos trying to adjust the strap to her green heels."Why you finna wear heels when we boutta bowl?"."Problem?"."Uh Nah" I smile and walk away. I eat A sandwitch and get diesturbed by a text. I look to see who it is and its Janell: Hey baby i cant wait to see ya tonight <3 I stare at the message and  write back fast hearing Ari's footsteps :Wht u talkin bout?. I hurry and close the text just in time because Aria is staring me down like IM the problem. I get up and grab my keys." Hold on i forgot my Lip gloss."." Use some carmax" She rolls her eyes."No fool." and runs upstairs. I get another text from Janell: Youll see :* It tells me to scroll down and when i do i see a naked picture of Janell.  WHAT THE!! "Oh SHIT!" I yell not knowing i said that outloud and  Ari comes downstairs with her lip gloss."What? I close my messages and shove my phone in my pocket fast."Uhmm..Nu..nothing." My hands start shaking and i walk over and open the door for Ari."Are you sure baby you look..sweaty." She touches my face."Yeah im good." I open the door to my car for my baby and hop in. What does that bitch want? I dont want her and she know it. Its...its not like we ever done anything eighther. What does she want from me, she prolly doing all this because of Ari. We pull up to Bowl'ol bar and get out. Dontres POV: When i get off the phone with Jay i walk in the living room and sit down to wait for Tam. Shes taking forever to get ready and we needa get there at 10. I look at my phone wishing Suziays name would just pop up. Why though? I dont even know, I love Tam and keep hurting her. I want to tell her but i just..cant. I hate to see her cry and mad but i just keep doing the same shit. Suziay is fine but Tamla is Sexy. I don't know why i keep messing around because i love Tam. I just needa chill. I walk up stairs and Tamala runs up to me screaming. " What?" She look back at the bathroom and then turns back around to me."THERES A BIG SPIDER!"." OMG REALLY!" I yell i my best girl impression and go kill it."I donee like spiders." She scratches her head and i laugh. Shes wearing a channel dress and gold gladiators and big gold hoops."Are you ready to go?"." Yeah baby let me just get my lolipop." She loves this MAC lolipop that you suck on and it never goes away or down."Okay." I open the door waiting for her."Leggo" she says and walks to the car. Damn who needs Suziay when you got an ass at home? I get in my car and we go. When we get there, everyones there. I guess we were the late ones tonight. I give my boys the handshake. You already know its time to get crunk. We always bet on witch team would win and the teams are the couples. I grab the ball and get in posture."YAS BABY THATS IT. GO AHEAD, WIN MAMA SOME MONEY!" Tamala screams and i laugh so the ball falls out of my hand and lands in gutter."Damn." I whisper and everyone aww's.  Damins POV: Were all just getting along and i love it when its like this. I walk over to the bar with my boys and get some drinks and we start to talk about life while the girls do there thing too."Man Tamala was tripping but you already know i put her in check." Dontre says drinking his glass of vodka."You mean her putting you in check?" Jay says and we all laugh but tre."She dont put me in check.Im the man of the house." His jaw tightens." Just because your the man of the house dont mean you gotta act like an ass."I grab a shot and chug it down."Man, yall talking but yalll got problems too."Dontre replies. I love Suziay and its not like im cheating on her with Ari. Ari doesn't want me so im done trying with her. Why am i even trying when i have a godess right before my eyes?"I know man. Yo before i came i got a text from Janell." Jay whispers and i sip on some rosay."What it say?" I ask and Dontre looks over to the girls."Its..complicated. I dont even wanna talk about it." Dontre smiles and says."OOO Does somebody have a cush? What is it this time? An affair?!" Tre says while putting his hand balled up in a fist to form a microphone and brings it up to Jays face at every question. Jay pushes him away." Nigga shut the fuck up."."I don't have any problems with Suziay. Me and her are tight asf." I say and Dontre suddenly gets unconfortable."Did yall see the game yesturday?" He changes the subject."Hell yeah. Its was good. Im happy Miami won." Jay says ordering another Magarita."Alright, but Jay whats up with you and Ari?"."Nothing..I love her and thats my girl and  im not boutta lose her no matter what." I laugh and say."Well atleast you still gettin' play!" We all laugh."HELL YEA TURN UP!" Jay yells. Our plate of shots come."Especially if you got a big booty girl." Tre says and we laugh."Ill drink to that!" I say and we toast, drinking our shots down. Jays POV: We finnish talking and head over to the girls to finnish off the game. Me and Ari have 10 points, Tamala and Tre have 14 points and Damin and Suziay have 9. "Aye baby imma head over to the  bathroom." I say."Okay but dont take to long, you know i need you."."Iight" I walk to the bathroom and when im about to get inside Janell walks out the girls bathroom thats right across. I freeze and start to shake, i can feel my jaw tightening. What the hell is she doing here? Then i think back to her text:  Hey baby i cant wait to see  ya tonight <3 and: Youll see. "What the...Wh-wha-what are you doing here?" Im lost for words right now this was suppose to be a fun time."Hey I missed you." She says pushing me against the wall. Does this girl understand simple English? "Get off of me." I push her away and she stands there and smile."Look, why Ari? Why not me?" She touches my face and i grab her hand and force it to her side."I DONT WANT YOU!" I yell."Jay?" Ari says. I can hear her footsteps around the corner oh shit what do i do! "Jay.." Janell pushes herself on me touching my side."Go in the bathroom please!" I whisper."Jay??" Ari says her footsteps getting closer and closer." But baby" Janell grabs my hand i push her into the Girls bathroom just in time because Ari walks up to me."Baby did you hear me calling you and who were you talking to?" She looks around. I have sweat dripping on my foreahead. "Talking? N-N-No I wasn't pshhh i wasn't talking to anyone?" I say my hands shaking."Baby are you sure your okay look at you your sweating and studdering. Lord you got me stressed." She says."Anyways are you ready to go back? Im like dogging these niggas!" She laughs and i do my fake akward laugh. She smiles and walkes away. When i see shes gone Janell comes out."Baby.." She says and touches my face. I grab her hands and push her back. I walk away and go to my friends to finnish off the night.     Chapter 6 Cant do it without you  Ariannas POV: " Im serious Tam..He was acting hella wierd, sweating and shaking. I don't even know what to do." I say as i walk down the hallway with Tam and Suz while i suck on my MAC lolipop. We reach our lockers and Suz is on her phone..Like always." Girl what can i tell you? I don't know, Maybe hes going through a faze." Tam Pops her gum."OMG ! They have these cute Paris hilton shoes on sale for 500 dollars !! AHHHH!" Suziay screams. Is she serious right now? Me and Tam look at each other and roll our eyes."Im forreal though Tam..I can't think straight."." Ari maybe your taking things too serious." I close my locker and face Tam."But what if im not?" I keep sucking on my lolipop. These  are good , maybe thats why Tam is so adicted to them."What if you are?". I roll my eyes." Stop playing. What if..He's ..you know..Cheating?" i look down as we walk down the hallway with our books and bookbags. Im meeting up with Jay tonight and can't wait. " Girl bye, remeber what you told me? Your over reacting, you just need to trust him." I smile at Tams attempt to mimic me. "Iight your right." then Suziay wants to jump in like shes been listening the whole time? This girl."Yeah Ari. You already know he doesn't want to pull that stunt. Hes not man enough." I look at her in disbelief. "Being man enough does not mean you gotta cheat on your girl?" I say and Tam and Suz laugh. I see Jay across the court yard with his boys and he comes over."Don't mention shitt." I whisper as he comes over."Hey baby." I hug him back and give him a quick kiss. My girls go over to there mans and i wink at them and they nod. Jay grabs my bookbag and puts it in his back seat. We start to drive off and i look at Jay."Bae?" I say looking down at my fingers."Yeah?"."Um..Do you have anything you want to tell me?" I ask and theres a silence. We pull up at my house and Jays quiet. I step out my car mad ass hell. Why is he gonna sit here and hear my question and not answer? I walk upstairs and Jay follows me."No." I turn around."No i don't have anything to tell you."He puts his hands around my waist and suddenly all the BS escapes my body."I love you Arianna Lashayl  Jackson." My heart melts knowing he knows my full name like always and turn around raping my hands around his shoulders."I love you to..Im just, worried." He touches my face and says."Don't worry. I would never hurt you." I really love this nigga. We kiss just standing there for like 5 minutes making out. Tams POV: I walk over to Dontre and hug him. He grabs my bookbag and books and i smile as we head down to his car. Lord he smells hella good like irish spring.  I get into his car and we start driving home. I love Tre but its like i can't trust him at times. Im always up in his shit looking for maybe some clues to why hes always a ass to me. I can tell he loves me but why you gotta act like you don't? Its just straight up stupid mess right there. We drive past Ari's house and i see her walk out her car to go into her apartment. We pull up to our house and Dontre helps me out. I walk inside and get in some sweats and sweat shirt."Baby you hungry?" I yell as i walk downstairs."Yea babe." I look inside the kitchen."What-chu wanna eat?" I open the fridge and grab some meat. Im gonna make some speggeti and ground meat."Surprise me!" He yells and i giggle. I start to cook, cutting up some onions and seasoning the bits of meat. Suziay is crazy for acting they way she did. When our girls in need of help its way more important then 500 dollars worth of shoes. I fry the meat with the onions and start boiling the speggeti  with salt. Poor Ari, I know how it feels to suspect some shit. It must be hella tough for her. I feel arms wrap around my waist and laugh."Smells good." I smile and kiss dontres cheek."Ofcours it does. Cause i made it." He laughs but knows its true."Iight, i cant fight with that." I kiss him and make the tomato sauce. When im done making our food, i put it on the dining table and we sit down and say our grace. When were done we start to eat and Dontre tells me how today Kylies ass was on him witch pisses me off. I hate how boards these days wanna get on other bitches mans when they know there taken."Well im glad you told me and didn't do anything with her." He nods and i finnish eating. Then he tells me how Damin said Suziay has been acting wierd. I grab me and my babys plate and bring t to the sink to wash the dishes. When im done i clean the place and walk upstairs to a tierd Dontre. I pull out my phone and Call Ari."Hello?" she says sounding distracted."Hey girl ..wanna go out tonight?" i hear her sigh."Whats going on?" i say while walking into the room and see Dontre on instagram."Im out with Jay..Nothings wrong but sorry girl." I Frown."But-" She  cuts me off."Im out with Jay...sorry." and hangs up. What the hell happened here? I get in my pj's and climb into bed with Dontre. Im super tired and have a test tomorrow. Suziays POV: When i get home with Damin, were just on the couch cuddling and making out and shit. I love Damin soo much I don't wanna lose him but what if he finds out what ive been doing behind his back? He'll kill me for sure and i can't take us breaking up. I hold him tight as we kiss and don't want to let him go, the thought of us even breaking up kills me. I can't take this stupid BS with dontre anymore, i need some Damin sugar. I pull off his shirt and start kissing his chest."Baby did you hear what i said?" Damin says. I look up, ofcourse i didn't. I was in my own world and couldn't hear a word he said."Baby i said if your okay?" He laughs i kiss him."Yes, i just had a horrible thought." I say as i rest my head on his hot chest."What?" I look down at my cute freshly made fench tip fake nails and tears welp up in my eyes."Of..losing you."He hugs me tight as we lay there in each others company."Your not going to lose me baby." He smiles."No mater what."."No matter what?" I ask looking up at him."Yes i love you too much. Don't worry about it. Anything happens, we will work it out." Aww my heart melts and i just need to kiss him so i do. He gets up an grabs my hand and we walk to the bedroom. I push him on he bed and sart to kiss his nice body. He flips me over and kisses my neck. Why do i keep playing games? Its pointless because i have Damin. I wake up and touch the side of the bed witch is empty and cold. I get up and puts my pj's on my naked body. I look around and on my clock it says 11:53 i walk downstairs and look around."Damin?" I yell.Where he go? I grab my phone One New text Message I press read and its from Damin: Baby im getting Chipotle I Love Chipotle,He knows me so well. I touch my hair and it stinks smells like..Anyways i go to the bathroom and wash up. When im done i sart brushing my teeth and Damin walks in."Hey bae" He screams downstairs. I roll my eyes finnish brushing my teeth and i grab my brush. When im downstairs i walk in the kitchen while brushing my hair."Thank you for chi chi." Me and my girls call Chipole chi chi cause we stupid like that."Welcome."He says as i give him a peck on the cheek and resume my bushing."You washed your hair?" He smells it like a dummy."Uh, ya."."Why?" I roll my eyes while smiling cause he knows the answer."Sometimes when your done doing your BISNESS, us girls hair starts to stink when the you know what gets in it." He laughs and i sit down at the table and start eating. That is some good chi chi because im hella full. I finnish doing the dishes and go upstairs to crash into bed with Damin. Ariannas POV: "Shit!" I yell, I just burned my scalp while curling it."Stop burning yo shiiiii before you dont got any hair left!" Jay yells all the way from the room."NIGGA!" I yell back and finnish curling my hair. Im looking fly today with my black strapped wedges and Skinnys with my panda half shirt and matching panda headband."Ari hurry up before your eggs get hot!" Jay yells. I groan. I hate when niggas tryanna hurry you to get ready then say "Why you so rachet?" Well maybe if i had more time to look cute i wouldn't be in this situation right now. I walk over to my room and pop my white hoops on. I grab my bag and purse and head downstairs."Damn, no need to rush a bitch?" I smack Jay in the back of his head."Iight chill." He says and we laugh. I put my stuff down and sit at the table to start eating."Whats all the rush about anyways?" I say."And this bacon is hella good." I munch on the breakfast he made me."Im meeting the boys today so we can talk in the courtyard early."."Why?" I drink my orange juice and look at him."No reason." I nod and grab my phone and text Tam: Come 2 schl earl. She replies :K . I put the tv on and check the mail. A check from my mom is here. Ever since i moved out, my moms sends me weekly checks usually on Fridays for like 400$ for bills , food and shit. She acts like i don't work but i love her help though. I put the check in the kitchen drawer and Open the door."What car we taking?" I say while i grab my bags."I have work tonight." Its thursday and i need my paycheck. "Okay then seperate cars."He replies and gets his bags. I walk into my car and blows a kiss at Jay and he smiles. I drive off to school. Im happy i got a man like Jay in my life , I can trust him and depend on him and be playfull with him when needed. I feel bad for hanging up on Tam earlier but i just needed time with my man. I pull up to school and see Tam and Suziay. I step out and hug them and start catching up with my babes. Chapter 7 Take your time Jays POV: Ever since the situation with Janell i have my guard up. What is wrong with this girl? I told her im not intrested but she keeps it up. Tonight i just want to kick it with my girl with no worries. Its thursday and im ready to wrap up the week. I step out the car and open the door for Aria to come out."Thanks babe." She says and i grab her hand and lead her into Olive garden. We sit down at the Reserved table i have for us and she blushes."You made early reservations?" She says as she sits down looking at the candle. Since i made reservations, we get a tiny corner to ourselfs and nice romantic decorations..With extra pay ofcourse."Its so beautiful."I Laugh and grab her hand."Anything for my baby." She smiles and ruins the moment."How much was it?" I look down and pull away from her hand."Extra pay.." She laughs and kisses my cheek."Im just trying to burst your bubble baby damn. Whats up with you?"."Nothing." I reply quickly just in time for the waitress to interupt."Ill take..Hmm" Ari says as she looks at the menu. I dont wanna be a fat ass but im hungry so i order over her."Ill have some steak with a side of a chicken alfredo and more bread sticks. Oh yeah and A bottle of wine and a COOKED shirmp cocktail." I look over at Ari and her eyes widen. he orders and when the waitress is gone she looks at me."You eat alot when your nervous.Whats wrong baby?" I can tell shes worried but i..i dont know."Nothing baby STOP ASKING ME THAT DAMN QUESTION WHEN ITS NO, ITS NO!" I Yell. Everythings quiet for a second and she looks down at her feet. I look around and notice that nobody was listening then say."Im sorry baby..I didn't want to scream." She looks away then back at me. I didnt want to yell but im tired of the BS."Its okay.." Shes talking in her small sad voice so i already know i hurt her feelings. I grab her hand and kiss it."Can we just focous on each other? Please." I kiss her hand and she blushes. I dont like seeing Ari cry and hurt. Thats why i cant tell her , I want to but..I cant."Im sorry, You know i love you."I hug her and she brightens up. The waitress comes with our food and we start to dig in. Damn i love this place. We talk and eat. When were done, I pay and we leave to go home with the left over bottle of wine."It was funny though! Tamala was gettin' it and Suz was too!" We laugh as we get into the car."We were all getting it! SHE GONE SHAKE IT LIKE A RED NOSE!" She yells as she twerks her booty on the seat. I laugh and start to drive off. Were just talking and having a good time, This is how i like it. When i pull up to the house, Ari jumps out and leaves her purse and everything."Baby! Get my purse im going to the bathroom!" She yells as she runs inside. I nod and grab her purse and the wine bottle when my phone buzzes. I have one new text messsage: Hey Bby, Have u told Ari bout me & u cause i want ha out the picture. If u dnt i will. HAHA , xoxo♥ I think i have been there standing and staring at the message because Ari is out the bathroom and is yelling my name. FUCK JANELL! Dontres POV: Tonight im at my moms because i normally sleep at my parents house  but you know how it is with me and Tamala. Speaking of Tamala, shes at my moms to and were at the dinner table all talking. My mom can be harsh on Tam sometimes but she likes her."So Tamala, What do you plan on becoming when your older?" My mom says. I look at Tam and she smiles happily that she asked that question."I Want to be a hairstylist. Girrrrrl, Ya already KNOW i can throw down with the styling. I Also wanna open my own Fashion line called.'Vive dans la color', Thats french for "Living in color". Im all about the looks, To the weave , To the nails, To My heels. Lord i cant go out with my hair in a twist. I wanna be a big name in the fashion bisness. I can show ya my skills One day! Shoot." Tam yells with her hands in the air and my dad looks at her like shes crazy."Not A Doctor?" My mom says and she looks at me."No ma'am, Ugh. Only dem white bitches run around getting mad paper being a doctor. Well you can get mad paper being a Fashion dealer and stylist." Tam says as she rolls her eyes at the thought. My mom looks pleased but my dad looks annoyed."That doesn't mean you dont have to go for something more upperclased." He says and Tam Laughs. This Pasta my mom made is the bomb and i am tearing it up with the meat rolls and the Taco salad."What about you boy?" My mom says and looks at me. She always calls me "boy" for no damn reason."Damn mama, Ya already know im going for NBA." I say. Now my dad looks pleased and my mom annoyed."No child. You will NOT be a basketball playa'!" She says."Moma you know thats what i want though."."UGHH...UGHHH....I guess your right, If thats what you want baby." She smiles and Tam laughs."Hell Yea!" She yells. Wow i picked the loudest of them all. We finnish eating and Tam fixes the table and does the dishes just to get mamas aproval. When everythings done we go out to the patio and its a little like sunset. Me and Tam head over to the hammick and lay down. We swing there for a second and cuddle. Then Tam looks up at me and smiles."Do you love me?" She says.I roll my eyes."FUCK YEAAAAAA!" I say and we laugh."I luhhh ya too!" She yells and I hold her waist."Would you leave me if i was pregnant?" She says. I get so shocked at the question that the Hammick turns over and i fall off. Tam is laughing so hard right now."Chhhiiiiiiilllll! It was just a joke!" She laughs and gives me her hand so she can help me up. I grab it and yank it so she can fall next to me and we lay there on the floor staring at the sunset turning into the dark night. Damn i love this girl. Damins POV: I can't stand it without suziay, its like shes every  breath i take and lately she doesn't feel good. Im happy its almost the week-end because we need to chill. Im at the hospitals waiting room just sitting there and waiting for my baby to come out strong and healthy but all i see is her and a nurse coming out with and envolope. I stand up and imidiately Suziay tells the nurse to leave."But aren't you going to tell him about th-" The nurse explains. Suz pushes her away and snatches the envolope."Thank you , Bye!" She yells fast and the nurse walks away. I turn to look at Suziay who is holding the envolope mighty tight."Tell me what?" I ask as i grab her purse and lead ehr out the hospital."Nothing.." She gets in the passenger seat and puts the envolope next to her."Are you sure?" I start the engine and she rolls her eyes."I said yes."."But then whats that?" I point to the envolope and she groans. "Nothing..Baby its nothing." She touches my hand as i drive. What the hell is she hiding? Ugh, whatever it is she isn't proud of it. I nod and pull up to donatos."Im getting pizza."I get out the car and see her opening the envolope as i walk into Donatos. I get us a large pepperoni pizza and bread sticks. I order and get back into the car and imidiately Suz puts away the envolope."How long?"." About 20 minutes." I say as she nods. I get back out the car and go inside Donatos. When the pizza is finally ready i get it and see Suz sleeping in the car. I drive off eating a few pieces. When i pull up i get the food out the car and get Suziay out too. I bring her inside and we start to dig in. I love me some donatos. When were done, we clean up and go chill in the living room. I love Suz but what are you hiding ma?     Chapter 8 WHAT THE... Ariannas POV: Im downstiars Watching Tv. Jays upstairs sleeping. I love that Jay stays over often, I don't want to be alone. I look around with my hot chocolate mug and cover. Its starting to get colder as we reach November. I Doze off thinking about my friends and Tam && Tres relationship. I Think about the trust i need to build up with Jay. I know he wouldnt hurt me but all woman sometimes have fazes. When i wake up i hear voices. I go upstairs to a woken up Jay. I slip into bed with him."Well look whos awake." I say and he kisses me on my forehead. He on his phone and he still looks sexy in his basketball shorts and his shirt off. I feel on his chest and i can tell he is getting chills by my hands. I laugh and go down further and he smiles."You better quit before bobby gets hungry." He looks at me and i laugh."ANYWAYSSS! Aren't we going out tonight?" I look up at him. He continues Texting then looks down."Baby, You know im going out with the boys and i thought you was going out too." He tries to play it off and kiss me and try to make out but im not having it. I push him away."What the hell baby i thought we were going out?". I sit up and get on top of him."But baby-" I Roll my eyes at his excuse."You promised." I yell and he grabs my hands. I Kiss his chest. Damn i love this nigga."Baby, go have fun you need it. On the reals."."NO!!!!" I whine, he plays to much, he promised."But-"."NO BUTS!!!!!!!!!!!" I Whine more. He gets out of bed causing me to falll. I stand up on the bed and jump up and down like a kid. He gets on the bed and holds my waist."Well talk about this..When i fill my empty stomach up!" He runs downstiars and i chase him."FAT ASS!" I yell and walk into the kitchen while laughing. I open the fridge and its literally empty..WTF?"Baby.." Jay starts. Oh Shit, moma sent me money this week for shopping and i didn't do it."Oh yeah i need groceries! Lemme go to walmart." I grab my keys and walk out wearing my PINK sweats and matching Hoodie With combat boots and my pink gucci bag. I hop in my car and Drive off to walmart. Jays POV: I Watch Ari speed off and walk back inside. Damn im tierd. I get a drink of water and sit down and watch tv. I zone off for a couple of minutes dreaming about my babe. I Wake up 10 mins later at knocks on my door. Aria probly left her keys. I open the door and my heart and mouth drops."WHAT THE FUCK YO-" I yell but Jannell throws herself on me. I Push her away and she sits on the couch. Shes wearing a long coat."Hey babyyy!" She yells in her puerto rican accient. I Grab her arm and force her to stand up."WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" She needs to get out before ari comes."Babyyyy , ya know you want me PAPIII!" She says and takes off her coat revealing her lingerie. My mouth drops open at how good of a body this girl has."LOOOK , You need to go, NOW!" I Yell pushes her toward the door. She rolls her eyes." LOOK PAPII, I know Ari doesn't give you what you want so stop playing and kick it with the rich bitch." She says and pushes me against the door.I Push her awya so hard she falls on the floor but doesn't give up."I Love you JAY." She yells."I LOVE ARI ! GOD DAMN LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yell in her face while shes on the floor."GET OUT!" I grab her arm and yanks her up the throw her next to the door."Why do you hate me? I only want you and only you, i will be the better option Jay, please just.." She touches my face. Why isn't she listening? Crazy Bitch."I WANT ARI. I DONT WANT YOU SO GET OUT!" I Yell. She nods but then runs upstairs and i chase her. I walk into the room and look around. Where she go? Then when i close the door shes behind there. She leaves the door open and walks over to me. I run downstiars wanting to call the police. She comes behind me and puts down the phone. She turns me around and forces a kiss on me. I try to fight back but..Damn shes sexy. I kiss her back and start to hold her and and she smiles and start to kiss me hungrier. My eyes widen but then i close them. What am i doing? I start to take off her bra and relize were on the stairs. She takes off my shirt and kisses my neck as i pick her up to bring her to the bedroom. Ariannas POV: I Walk into walmart on the phone with Tam and Suz three way. Suz hasen't been feeling good and i feel bad for my boo. I grab a cart and start to throw things into the basket as i talk to them."Oh my lord, Mrs.Remsey gave me a D in her god damn class!" Tam yells. Suz coughs and i roll my eyes."Girls bye , how you know?" I Grab some chicken and start walking down the frozen food aisle."Im On ITSLEARNINGGGGG .com and lawd. Im soo pissed at this bitch." Tam yells. I laugh and Suz Laughs too."All she does is give D's anyways." I can hear Suz flip her hair and i roll my eyes again. I finnish getting the groceries and start to pay.The cashier points to a sign that says "No cell phones && Food." I mug the cashier and tell the girls i gotta go and hang up." Find everything okay?"."Yeah, sure?" I say still texting my girls. Who this bitch think She is?"Okay then.." She says and finnish scanning my items. When shes done, Something happens to the computer so we gotta switch lanes. Damn, it already took like 30 minutes to scan the items already. She restarts and i look around impatiently. When shes done i pay and bring the stuff to my car and hop in. My song Ghetto by August alsina. I Start bumping that shit and singing along. I stop at the stop light and a white lady in a hummer looks over at me in disgust. I Mug her and she Mugs me back."DON'T LOOK FOR TROUBLE WITH A BLACK BITCH!" I yell and start singing along to Ghetto on purpose. When i pull up at home i grab my things and put them on the counter and its hella quiet but all i hear is voices and BOOM BOOM BOOM. I look around and yell."JAY? BABY IM HOME?" I finnish unloading the car and being to walk upstairs. I being walking and see a bra. LMAO, This probally mine but i dont remeber seeing it here. I then see a shirt and some other cloths. I start to pick them up and when im finnally upstairs the noises get louder. Theres a pair of female underwear on the door nob. The door is creaked open and when i push it more im shocked at what i see. I drop the cloths in my hands and tip toe more into the room. Jay is fucking Janell? She is on top of him riding is ..THING out like its a fucking bull or some shit."Oh yeaaaa JANELL! YESS FASTERR" Jay yells.  And they start to go faster."YEAA? FUCK NO!" I yell and imidiately Jay Pushes Janell Off of him. I fall to the floor and my head starts pounding."JAY...!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yell over and over again. There standing there dumb founded. I Feel like the world has stop spinning and i .. I feel, HURT. Tears stream down my face as im on the floor thinking this through."Baby i can explain." I get up and tie my hair. They messed with the wrong one." EXPLAIN? EXPLAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! HAHAHA NIGGA YOUR TIME IS DONE, YOU PUT ON A VERY SHOW CALLED PORN SO NOW YOUR DISMISSED SO YOU CAN PACK YOU SHIT AND FUCK OFF OF MY PROPERTY DUMB ASS DICK!" I yell and turn to Janell."AND YOU BITCH!" I Run and grab her off the bed by her hair and drag her onto the floor and start punching the mess outta her. I knee her in the face while shes screams and pushes her into the window, im seeing blood but i can care less. Jay grabs me but i let go of Janell and grab him and push him on the wall and start uppercutting his ass then kick him in his THING that he cant controll. I Keep punching his ass and punching Janell at the same time. I Grab Janells hair and drag her downstairs to the door and throw her on the porch. Then i grab her cloths and throw it at her too."IMMA GIVE YA ASS ANOTHER WHOOPING IF I SEE YA ON MY PROPERTY AGAIN DUMB THOT!" I Yell and slam the door. I run back upstairs to a crying Jay."GET OUT MY HOUSE NOW!" Jays POV: I Made a mistake and i regret it soo badly but i can't take it back. When Ari Runs back upstairs while yelling."GET OUT MY HOUSE NOW!" I put my boxers back on and my basketball shorts."GET OUT NOW!! GO LEAVE POOF GET OUT MY HOUSEEEEEE!!!" Shes yelling like shes crazy and i dont blame her.' She Pushes me out the bedroom door and i push her back."STOP! HITTING ME LIKE YOU CRAZY!" I Yell."WELL BITCH ASS NIGGA I WOULDNT HAVE TO DO THAT IF YOU DIDNT FUCCCCCKKKK JANELL! HOW COULD YOU!" She slaps me and i push her back.Shes crying like i never seen her do before."BABY LISTEN TO ME!" ."LISTEN? TO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!? YOU BULL SHIT ABOUT YOU BEING FAITHFULl! YOUR LIES ?! ITS TRUEE...." She Yells then sits on the stairs like shes conecting the dots."At the bowling alley, You being on your phone..Acting different...ITS ALL LIES ANAD BULL SHIT , YOU WHERE CHEATING ON ME THE WHOLE TIME! WHYYY? WHY ME!." She Yells with more tears."WHY STAY WITH ME WHEN THE LOVE ISNT THERE!"She Runs into the room and i yell afther her but then she comes out wiht my cloths. She throws them outside and keep getting my cloths."WHAT THE  HELL ARI?" I Yell punching the wall. When shes done throwing my stuff outside she pushes me out the house and grabs a lighter and lights a blunt then grabs the oil shit you use for barbeques and sprays it all over my cloths. She then sits on the steps with her blunt, she only smokes when shes stressed."I...I GAVE YOU LOVE." Tears run down her face."I GAVE YOU MY HOME..I GAVE YOU SUPPORT...FOOD..." She puffs and blows and im just standing there. Why did i pull a bitch move? My hormones got the best of me.."I OPENED MY DOORS UP TO YOU , I OPENED UP MY DAMN FRIDGE FOR YOU AND ALL THAT SHIT AND MOST IMPORTANTLY..." She shakes her head and tears run down more and more."I Opened up my heart to you.." Its quiet for a second as tears run down my face but then she stands up."BUT NOW THAT SHIT IS OVER THE HELL WITH!" She Yells and throws her blunt at my cloths and they catch on fire. I Snap out of my faze wanting push Ari like shes crazy but she already walked off into her house and slammed the door. I step on my cloths multiple times so i can stop the fire and grab them. I Hop into my car and drive off. Damn, what a day. Im gonnna miss her. Why did i do this?       Chapter 9 Good Time? Ariannas POV: "C'mon girl, let lose..Its SATURDAY NIGHT!" Tam yells as she jumps on the couch. Suziay laughs and i sniff and continue drinking my cup of hot chocolate. I Love this shii. I Wipe my tear."Stop crying its not healthy." Ever since the situation with Jay ive been so depressed. Tam and Suz are staying at my house to keep me confort and im glad for it."Stop being so sad baby." Suz says and lays next to me. I sniff my red nose and blow it."Look at chya." Tam Mugs me and tries to do a mpression of me and puts her hand on her hip and tries to say it in my voice."Ya always trippin over that nigga, Ya need ta get up , Wipe ya ass and get cutteeee!" She yells and We laugh. She always know how to mimic me."STAHP! Babayyy girrl. Ya aint gonna get betta if ya keep da tears comminn." She continues and i laugh so hard. Suz grabs my hands and We walk upstairs."Lets get you pretty." Suz says. I hop in the shower and brush my teeth. Tam and Suz get ready too. I Put my Neon glow in the dark snap back , mathcing shoes and neon T-shirt. I throw on some ripped up skinnes. Tam and Suz are wearing the same thing but Suz put in her own taste and put a neon dress instead. I put my make up on and look myself in the mirrow. I kiss it and grab my dolche and gabbana purse and walk to Tams car. We hop in and drive off looking sexy. This is what i need, a night out with my babes. We arrive and walk into the club. I hear Gas Pedal bumping already from outside and we laugh. We walk inside and start to dance."TURN UPPP!" I yell and Tam grabs us shots. We drink it up and Start twerking. "SPEED UP! GAS PEDALLLLLLL" Tam Yells and I Start to twerk Suz. We start jumping around getting it. Its TOO turnt! Tams POV: I Feel bad for my babe Aria. Ive been in her position many times and i hate it. I don't want her being sad or anything so we decide to hit the club. I hate when Tre hurts me and i just feel like shit. Were Dancing and having a good time and i watch Ari And Suz, There getting it at the Gas Pedal."HEYYY, HOW YOU DO THAT??" I Hear through the speakers and start to scream.Thiss My Shit." PANERAMIC AYYEEE, " I Yell drinking some vodka. We dance and laugh and Just have fun. My song Without me by Fantasia is on. Im dancing and i find a striper pole. I had some expirience! I hop on that shit and start dancing, doing tricks like a mother fucker. A nigga i think i know is throwing bills. I Continue dancing with ari and pick up the money. We drink and i count the bills. I ended up with 500 dollars at the end of me dancing. I split it with My girls and we go back to turniing up. The Guy that threw all the bills get closer to me and i gasp."DONTRE! What are you doing here baby?" I say looking around. Wait... if he is here then..JAYS HERE. Shit i need to get Ari out of here before theres a scene. I look around but i cant find my girls. " ARI??!!! SUZIAYYY?!!!" I Yell and look around the club. I grab my drink and start to run around. I sit down and wait around for them. What is going on. I grab Tres hand tight and i have a feeling....I have a really bad feeling......BOOMM BOOM BOOM. I Hear gun shots. I Look around and everyones running. Tre grabs my hand and gets up and starts to run with me. I run and look around. Wheres my girls?"ARRIII!!!!!!!!!!!!" I Yell."SUZZZZIAYYYYY!" I yell , its crazy out here and everyone is running. Then I see Suziay and Ari talking to Kylie and Janell. What the hell is going on? Suziays POV: When Tam and Suz Start getting on the striper pole i head to the bar. I ask for 3 martinis. I sit there and drink. I feel bad for Ari and i do for tam to. She doesnt know ive been fucking her man.. I drink the martinis when some nigga sits next to me. I look at him trying to figure out his face features."DAMIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I ask as i drink."Me and the boys are partying. We need to kick it and i guess we ended up at the same club." I smile and kiss him. I love him soo much. I see Tam and Tre talking and i see Ari walk off to somewhere. I laugh and grab Damin to the dance floor and start bumping to Without me. I start to grind on my babe and we start laughing. Ari comes up to me with Kylie and Janell by her side. What are they doing here? "Hey bitch!" Janell and Kylie yell. I look around and i see these suspicious men come in the club and Damin walks next to me."Bitch back up before you get slapped?!" I yell and Ari Mugs the hoes."No dumb ass, your keeping a secret!" Kylie yells. I look around."Im Not hiding shit!" I yell and then..BOOOM BOOOM BOOOM. I hear gun shots. Me and Ari stay in place not moving. Everyone is screaming and yelling. I see Tam and she walks over to me."SUZIAY ..! WHY DONT YOU TELL TAM WHAT YOUVE BEEN HIDING?" Kylie yells and i look a Dontre."What are you hiding?" Damin asks and Then Jay Walks In. Wow the whole crew is here."IM NOT HIDING SHIT!?" I yell But my girls aren't buying it and so arent the boys."HA HA HA, stop lieing before i spill the beans." Janell yells."BITCH SHUT YO DUMB ASS UP!" Ari yells. Tam looks around confused."Okay Ill do it." Kylie says. My heart sinks. She ...knows? "WELL , IF YOU DONT ALREADY KNOW, YOUR FRIEND HERE IS PREGNANT AND APARRENTLY HER AND DONTRE HAVE BEEN FUCKING, IM NOT GONNA LIE, ME AND HIM WERE FUCKING TOO AND IM PREGNANT FOR HIM TOO!" Kylie yells. Dontres eyes turn blank and Tam Faints. Ari is Gasping  On the floor and Jannell and Kylie are just smiling."IS THIS TRUE?" Damin yells In me and Tres face. Tears stream down my face as i nod."DAMIN I SWEAR ITS YOUR BABY, ME AND DONTRE STOPPED FUCKING LIKE WEEKS AGO I SWEAR!!!" I yell as i begin to cry."YOU KNOW I HAD FEELINGS FOR DONTRE AND HE KEPT MANIPULATING ME SAYING IF I DONT FUCK HIM I WONT SHOW MY LOVE THAT I HAVE FOR HIM BUT I LOVE YOU DAMIN, IT WAS A MISTAKE I PROMISE! I WAS DUMB JUST PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME. I CANT BE A SINGLE MOM , I CANT SURVIVE WITH A CHILD ON MY OWN AND YOU KNOW THAT I CANT SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU!" I Yell as i stop Damin from walking away."HOW COULD YOU?! YOUR MY OWN FUCKING BROTHER!" He yells in Dontres face. I get in the middle to stop them."MAN... IM SORRY DAMIN!" He yells." SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT!!"Damin yells back."BUT TO YOUR BABY MAMA IT DOES!"."SHE AINT MY BABY MAMA , SHES YOURS!" Damin gets closer to Tre pushing me in the middle."FOCUS ON YOUR GIRL!" I yell."THOSE WERE MY WORDS TO YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL." Tam is awake and listening to everything."WAIT...YOU WAS WITH THIS BITCH INSTEAD OF ME THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? WHAT THE HELL!!! YOU SON OF A GOD DAMN BACK STABBER!" Tam yells and she launches herself on me but Jay holds her back."TAMALA IM SORRY!" I yell i try to calm her down but shes hot."TAMALA.. PLEASE" But she pushes me off her."TAM YOU MY BEST FRIEND!" I cry but shes too pissed off."BEST FRIEND? BEST FRIENDS DONT DO THAT TO EACH OTHER BUM BITCH!" She screams."Tamala, please..Forgive me." I get on my knees. I dont want to lose my best friend."I Was stupid and Im sorry." Ariannas POV: What the hell is going on? Im soo confused like, TF? I see these two men walk over holding a gun. Imidiately Jay pushes me behind him. Why am i even touching this nigga?"KYLIE, WHERES MY MONEY!" The gunman yells. Kylie looks around."I SAID WHERE MY MONEYY!!!" He yells louder.What money? What the hell?! The i see him pull the triger and everything goes black. Im out of the funk i was in and im running with jay. I look around and There Tam and Dontre, there Suziay And Damin and were all running. Tears stream down my face and i look around, What is happening, what the hell? I can still hear gunshots and i see people on the floor, i see blood and i see police cars and ambulance. Everyones just running. I lost my shoe but i keep running. When were all far, far away from the club its silent. What just happened? Jays POV: Were officially far away from the club walking on the silent freeway. Everyones in tears..Why are we breaking away from each other? We used to be the best of friends. I take off my jacket and hand it to Ari but she ignores me. Great! She hates me. I love her and i didn't want to hurt her. We stop at a mcdonalds and sit down inside a back booth. Tamala and Suziays Crys are so loud..I Feel bad for Damin, he goes all out for suziay and all she does is cheat."D..D..Damin?" Suziay sniffs."Baby can we .. can we talk?" She touches his arm and he pushes her away."No, don't do this..." She cries more."Please..don't leave me!!" She breaks down."I ..I love you baby, please listen..Please." Damin is turned away from Suziay and right next to her is Tam. She then turns to Tam."Tam..Help me please, Please im sorry, i didnt mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you! Im sooo sooo sooooooo sorry!" She cries. Tam is crying herself. I Sigh and put my head down. I let out some tears and touch Aris hand but she pulls away fast. Everyone is..Mad. I just cant.. Chapter 10 Breaking away.. Ariannas POV: Its been 2 weeks since ive heard from Jay and thats fine. Im done with his foolish acts and im soo over the drama. I would never wish for anyone to die so for Kylie to pass away is a huge deal for me. We had our ups and downs but were still family. Im walking out my apartment to go to Coffee shop with Tam and Suz. I walk in and see my girls and sit down next to them, Ever since the club scene, Tam and Suz are trying to get along."Hey girls." I say and Tam gives me a small smile and so does suziay."We really need to hang tight and stop worrying." I say as i tap them on the back."I feel like a niggas watching me!" Tam yells."I do too." Suziay says and Tam rolls her eyes."I love yall and we will get through this okay?I Promise. One thing my moma always told me is that when trouble come knocking your way you open the door ready to fight it with not one single tear drop but dont knock on troubles door because trouble is still trouble. We will be fine. We are 3 strong, Talented, Smart, Pretty, Well eduacated, Black women!" I yell and we laugh. So far this year has been..cray! Tam and Dontre are Split for the best. I Know Suziay never ment harm but that was Fucked up. I love my girls but i just hate seeing this BS. Do i see a future for me and Jay? Right now i dont. Maybe there can be but not right now. I obsolutely see a future for Suziay and Damin. We did a DNA test and its Damins baby,Thank GOD! There back together and are happy and im happy for my girl. On the other hand Tamala is still a bit depressed. What ive realized is That kylie hired men to come to the club to scare us and shoot her but not to kill her but for her to lose the baby but it didn't go as planned, he shot her cause she didn't pay him so thats what really happened. I Hope Dontre learns from his player ways. Dontre and Damin still have beef and i understand. I feel like im been so hurt that i just cant  be myself at this point and i just need time to rebuild my trust with people. I Also  feel like ive learned alot from this Past Month. I know now who are about that life and who are just simply not. But thats fine becuase i got everything under controll.                                                                              A Word from the authour Thank you for reading my book and i hope you enjoyed it! Im working on the next book: The crew love so stay tooned and continue reading my books! Thank you to everyone that gave me ideas and i will take ideas for the next book too! -Raissa♥   Publisher: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG Implerstraße 24 81371 Munich Germany Publication Date: October 20th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-vf8e913df5a1525 ISBN: 978-3-7309-5658-8

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-friedrich-schiller-the-robbers/

Friedrich Schiller The Robbers SCHILLER'S PREFACE. AS PREFIXED TO THE FIRST EDITION OF THE ROBBERS PUBLISHED IN 1781. Now first translated into English. This play is to be regarded merely as a dramatic narrative in which, for the purpose of tracing out the innermost workings of the soul, advantage has been taken of the dramatic method, without otherwise conforming to the stringent rules of theatrical composition, or seeking the dubious advantage of stage adaptation. It must be admitted as somewhat inconsistent that three very remarkable people, whose acts are dependent on perhaps a thousand contingencies, should be completely developed within three hours, considering that it would scarcely be possible, in the ordinary course of events, that three such remarkable people should, even in twenty-four hours, fully reveal their characters to the most penetrating inquirer. A greater amount of incident is here crowded together than it was possible for me to confine within the narrow limits prescribed by Aristotle and Batteux. It is, however, not so much the bulk of my play as its contents which banish it from the stage. Its scheme and economy require that several characters should appear who would offend the finer feelings of virtue and shock the delicacy of our manners. Every delineator of human character is placed in the same dilemma if he proposes to give a faithful picture of the world as it really is, and not an ideal phantasy, a mere creation of his own. It is the course of mortal things that the good should be shadowed by the bad, and virtue shine the brightest when contrasted with vice. Whoever proposes to discourage vice and to vindicate religion, morality, and social order against their enemies, must unveil crime in all its deformity, and place it before the eyes of men in its colossal magnitude; he must diligently explore its dark mazes, and make himself familiar with sentiments at the wickedness of which his soul revolts. Vice is here exposed in its innermost workings. In Francis it resolves all the confused terrors of conscience into wild abstractions, destroys virtuous sentiments by dissecting them, and holds up the earnest voice of religion to mockery and scorn. He who has gone so far (a distinction by no means enviable) as to quicken his understanding at the expense of his soul - to him the holiest things are no longer holy; to him God and man are alike indifferent, and both worlds are as nothing. Of such a monster I have endeavored to sketch a striking and lifelike portrait, to hold up to abhorrence all the machinery of his scheme of vice, and to test its strength by contrasting it with truth. How far my narrative is successful in accomplishing these objects the reader is left to judge. My conviction is that I have painted nature to the life. Next to this man (Francis) stands another who would perhaps puzzle not a few of my readers. A mind for which the greatest crimes have only charms through the glory which attaches to them, the energy which their perpetration requires, and the dangers which attend them. A remarkable and important personage, abundantly endowed with the power of becoming either a Brutus or a Catiline, according as that power is directed. An unhappy conjunction of circumstances determines him to choose the latter for, his example, and it is only after a fearful straying that he is recalled to emulate the former. Erroneous notions of activity and power, an exuberance of strength which bursts through all the barriers of law, must of necessity conflict with the rules of social life. To these enthusiast dreams of greatness and efficiency it needed but a sarcastic bitterness against the unpoetic spirit of the age to complete the strange Don Quixote whom, in the Robber Moor, we at once detest and love, admire and pity. It is, I hope, unnecessary to remark that I no more hold up this picture as a warning exclusively to robbers than the greatest Spanish satire was levelled exclusively at knight-errants. It is nowadays so much the fashion to be witty at the expense of religion that a man will hardly pass for a genius if he does not allow his impious satire to run a tilt at its most sacred truths. The noble simplicity of holy writ must needs be abused and turned into ridicule at the daily assemblies of the so-called wits; for what is there so holy and serious that will not raise a laugh if a false sense be attached to it? Let me hope that I shall have rendered no inconsiderable service to the cause of true religion and morality in holding up these wanton misbelievers to the detestation of society, under the form of the most despicable robbers. But still more. I have made these said immoral characters to stand out favorably in particular points, and even in some measure to compensate by qualities of the head for what they are deficient in those of the heart. Herein I have done no more than literally copy nature. Every man, even the most depraved, bears in some degree the impress of the Almighty's image, and perhaps the greatest villain is not farther removed from the most upright man than the petty offender; for the moral forces keep even pace with the powers of the mind, and the greater the capacity bestowed on man, the greater and more enormous becomes his misapplication of it; the more responsible is he for his errors. The "Adramelech" of Klopstock (in his Messiah) awakens in us a feeling in which admiration is blended with detestation. We follow Milton's Satan with shuddering wonder through the pathless realms of chaos. The Medea of the old dramatists is, in spite of all her crimes, a great and wondrous woman, and Shakespeare's Richard III. is sure to excite the admiration of the reader, much as he would hate the reality. If it is to be my task to portray men as they are, I must at the same time include their good qualities, of which even the most vicious are never totally destitute. If I would warn mankind against the tiger, I must not omit to describe his glossy, beautifully-marked skin, lest, owing to this omission, the ferocious animal should not be recognized till too late. Besides this, a man who is so utterly depraved as to be without a single redeeming point is no meet subject for art, and would disgust rather than excite the interest of the reader; who would turn over with impatience the pages which concern him. A noble soul can no more endure a succession of moral discords than the musical ear the grating of knives upon glass. And for this reason I should have been ill-advised in attempting to bring my drama on the stage. A certain strength of mind is required both on the part of the poet and the reader; in the former that he may not disguise vice, in the latter that he may not suffer brilliant qualities to beguile him into admiration of what is essentially detestable. Whether the author has fulfilled his duty he leaves others to judge, that his readers will perform theirs he by no means feels assured. The vulgar - among whom I would not be understood to mean merely the rabble - the vulgar I say (between ourselves) extend their influence far around, and unfortunately - set the fashion. Too shortsighted to reach my full meaning, too narrow-minded to comprehend the largeness of my views, too disingenuous to admit my moral aim - they will, I fear, almost frustrate my good intentions, and pretend to discover in my work an apology for the very vice which it has been my object to condemn, and will perhaps make the poor poet, to whom anything rather than justice is usually accorded, responsible for his simplicity. Thus we have a Da capo of the old story of Democritus and the Abderitans, and our worthy Hippocrates would needs exhaust whole plantations of hellebore, were it proposed to remedy this mischief by a healing decoction. [This alludes to the fable amusingly recorded by Wieland in his Geschichte der Abderiten. The Abderitans, who were a byword among the ancients for their extreme simplicity, are said to have sent express for Hipocrates to cure their great townsman Democritus, whom they believed to be out of his senses, because his sayings were beyond their comprehension. Hippocrates, on conversing with Democritus, having at once discovered that the cause lay with themselves, assembled the senate and principal inhabitants in the market-place with the promise of instructing them in the cure of Democritus. He then banteringly advised them to import six shiploads of hellebore of the very best quality, and on its arrival to distribute it among the citizens, at least seven pounds per head, but to the senators double that quantity, as they were bound to have an extra supply of sense. By the time these worthies discovered that they had been laughed at, Hippocrates was out of their reach. The story in Wieland is infinitely more amusing than this short quotation from memory enables me to show. H. G. B.] Let as many friends of truth as you will, instruct their fellow-citizens in the pulpit and on the stage, the vulgar will never cease to be vulgar, though the sun and moon may change their course, and "heaven and earth wax old as a garment." Perhaps, in order to please tender-hearted people, I might have been less true to nature; but if a certain beetle, of whom we have all heard, could extract filth even from pearls, if we have examples that fire has destroyed and water deluged, shall therefore pearls, fire, and water be condemned. In consequence of the remarkable catastrophe which ends my play, I may justly claim for it a place among books of morality, for crime meets at last with the punishment it deserves; the lost one enters again within the pale of the law, and virtue is triumphant. Whoever will but be courteous enough towards me to read my work through with a desire to understand it, from him I may expect - not that he will admire the poet, but that he will esteem the honest man. SCHILLER. EASTER FAIR, 1781. AS COMMUNICATED BY SCHILLER TO DALBERG IN 1781, AND SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN USED AS A PROLOGUE. - This has never before been printed with any of the editions. - The picture of a great, misguided soul, endowed with every gift of excellence; yet lost in spite of all its gifts! Unbridled passions and bad companionship corrupt his heart, urge him on from crime to crime, until at last he stands at the head of a band of murderers, heaps horror upon horror, and plunges from precipice to precipice into the lowest depths of despair. Great and majestic in misfortune, by misfortune reclaimed, and led back to the paths of virtue. Such a man shall you pity and hate, abhor yet love, in the Robber Moor. You will likewise see a juggling, fiendish knave unmasked and blown to atoms in his own mines; a fond, weak, and over-indulgent father; the sorrows of too enthusiastic love, and the tortures of ungoverned passion. Here, too, you will witness, not without a shudder, the interior economy of vice; and from the stage be taught how all the tinsel of fortune fails to smother the inward worm; and how terror, anguish, remorse, and despair tread close on the footsteps of guilt. Let the spectator weep to-day at our exhibition, and tremble, and learn to bend his passions to the laws of religion and reason; let the youth behold with alarm the consequences of unbridled excess; nor let the man depart without imbibing the lesson that the invisible band of Providence makes even villains the instruments of its designs and judgments, and can marvellously unravel the most intricate perplexities of fate. PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION. The eight hundred copies of the first edition of my ROBBERS were exhausted before all the admirers of the piece were supplied. A second was therefore undertaken, which has been improved by greater care in printing, and by the omission of those equivocal sentences which were offensive to the more fastidious part of the public. Such an alteration, however, in the construction of the play as should satisfy all the wishes of my friends and critics has not been my object. In this second edition the several songs have been arranged for the pianoforte, which will enhance its value to the musical part of the public. I am indebted for this to an able composer,* who has performed his task in so masterly a manner that the hearer is not unlikely to forget the poet in the melody of the musician. DR. SCHILLER. STUTTGART, Jan. 5, 1782. * Alluding to his friend Zumsteeg. - ED. "Quae medicamenta non sanant, ferrum sanat; quae ferrum non sanat, ignis sanat." - HIPPOCRATES. MAXIMILIAN, COUNT VON MOOR. CHARLES, | FRANCIS, | his Sons. AMELIA VON EDELREICH, his Niece. SPIEGELBERG, | SCHWEITZER, | GRIMM, | RAZMANN, | Libertines, afterwards Banditti SCHUFTERLE, | ROLLER, | KOSINSKY, | SCHWARTZ, | HERMANN, the natural son of a Nobleman. DANIEL, an old Servant of Count von Moor. PASTOR MOSER. FATHER DOMINIC, a Monk. BAND OF ROBBERS, SERVANTS, ETC. The scene is laid in Germany. Period of action about two years. ACT I. SCENE I. - Franconia. Apartment in the Castle of COUNT MOOR. FRANCIS, OLD MOOR. FRANCIS. But are you really well, father? You look so pale. OLD MOOR. Quite well, my son - what have you to tell me? FRANCIS. The post is arrived - a letter from our correspondent at Leipsic. OLD M. (eagerly). Any tidings of my son Charles? FRANCIS. Hem! Hem! - Why, yes. But I fear - I know not - whether I dare - your health. - Are you really quite well, father? OLD M. As a fish in water.* Does he write of my son? What means this anxiety about my health? You have asked me that question twice. [*This is equivalent to our English saying "As sound as a roach."] FRANCIS. If you are unwell - or are the least apprehensive of being so - permit me to defer - I will speak to you at a fitter season. - (Half aside.) These are no tidings for a feeble frame. OLD M. Gracious Heavens? what am I doomed to hear? FRANCIS. First let me retire and shed a tear of compassion for my lost brother. Would that my lips might be forever sealed - for he is your son! Would that I could throw an eternal veil over his shame - for he is my brother! But to obey you is my first, though painful, duty - forgive me, therefore. OLD M. Oh, Charles! Charles! Didst thou but know what thorns thou plantest in thy father's bosom! That one gladdening report of thee would add ten years to my life! yes, bring back my youth! whilst now, alas, each fresh intelligence but hurries me a step nearer to the grave! FRANCIS. Is it so, old man, then farewell! for even this very day we might all have to tear our hair over your coffin.* [* This idiom is very common in Germany, and is used to express affliction.] OLD M. Stay! There remains but one short step more - let him have his will! (He sits down.) The sins of the father shall be visited unto the third and fourth generation - let him fulfil the decree. FRANCIS (takes the letter out of his pocket). You know our correspondent! See! I would give a finger of my right hand might I pronounce him a liar - a base and slanderous liar! Compose yourself! Forgive me if I do not let you read the letter yourself. You cannot, must not, yet know all. OLD M. All, all, my son. You will but spare me crutches.* [* Du ersparst mir die Krucke ; meaning that the contents of the letter can but shorten his declining years, and so spare him the necessity of crutches.] FRANCIS (reads). "Leipsic, May 1. Were I not bound by an inviolable promise to conceal nothing from you, not even the smallest particular, that I am able to collect, respecting your brother's career, never, my dearest friend, should my guiltless pen become an instrument of torture to you. I can gather from a hundred of your letters how tidings such as these must pierce your fraternal heart. It seems to me as though I saw thee, for the sake of this worthless, this detestable" - (OLD M. covers his face). Oh! my father, I am only reading you the mildest passages - "this detestable man, shedding a thousand tears." Alas! mine flowed - ay, gushed in torrents over these pitying cheeks. "I already picture to myself your aged pious father, pale as death." Good Heavens! and so you are, before you have heard anything. OLD M. Go on! Go on! FRANCIS. "Pale as death, sinking down on his chair, and cursing the day when his ear was first greeted with the lisping cry of 'Father!' I have not yet been able to discover all, and of the little I do know I dare tell you only a part. Your brother now seems to have filled up the measure of his infamy. I, at least, can imagine nothing beyond what he has already accomplished; but possibly his genius may soar above my conceptions. After having contracted debts to the amount of forty thousand ducats, " - a good round sum for pocket-money, father" and having dishonored the daughter of a rich banker, whose affianced lover, a gallant youth of rank, he mortally wounded in a duel, he yesterday, in the dead of night, took the desperate resolution of absconding from the arm of justice, with seven companions whom he had corrupted to his own vicious courses." Father? for heaven's sake, father! How do you feel? OLD M. Enough. No more, my son, no more! FRANCIS. I will spare your feelings. "The injured cry aloud for satisfaction. Warrants have been issued for his apprehension - a price is set on his head - the name of Moor" - No, these unhappy lips shall not be guilty of a father's murder (he tears the letter). Believe it not, my father, believe not a syllable. OLD M. (weeps bitterly). My name - my unsullied name! FRANCIS (throws himself on his neck). Infamous! most infamous Charles! Oh, had I not my forebodings, when, even as a boy, he would scamper after the girls, and ramble about over hill and common with ragamuffin boys and all the vilest rabble; when he shunned the very sight of a church as a malefactor shuns a gaol, and would throw the pence he had wrung from your bounty into the hat of the first beggar he met, whilst we at home were edifying ourselves with devout prayers and pious homilies? Had I not my misgivings when he gave himself up to reading the adventures of Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, and other benighted heathens, in preference to the history of the penitent Tobias? A hundred times over have I warned you - for my brotherly affection was ever kept in subjection to filial duty - that this forward youth would one day bring sorrow and disgrace on us all. Oh that he bore not the name of Moor! that my heart beat less warmly for him! This sinful affection, which I can not overcome, will one day rise up against me before the judgment-seat of heaven. OLD M. Oh! my prospects! my golden dreams! FRANCIS. Ay, well I knew it. Exactly what I always feared. That fiery spirit, you used to say, which is kindling in the boy, and renders him so susceptible to impressions of the beautiful and grand - the ingenuousness which reveals his whole soul in his eyes - the tenderness of feeling which melts him into weeping sympathy at every tale of sorrow - the manly courage which impels him to the summit of giant oaks, and urges him over fosse and palisade and foaming torrents - that youthful thirst of honor - that unconquerable resolution - all those resplendent virtues which in the father's darling gave such promise - would ripen into the warm and sincere friend - the excellent citizen - the hero - the great, the very great man! Now, mark the result, father; the fiery spirit has developed itself - expanded - and behold its precious fruits. Observe this ingenuousness - how nicely it has changed into effrontery; - this tenderness of soul - how it displays itself in dalliance with coquettes, in susceptibility to the blandishments of a courtesan! See this fiery genius, how in six short years it hath burnt out the oil of life, and reduced his body to a living skeleton; so that passing scoffers point at him with a sneer and exclaim - " C'est l'amour qui a fait cela ." Behold this bold, enterprising spirit - how it conceives and executes plans, compared to which the deeds of a Cartouche or a Howard sink into insignificance. And presently, when these precious germs of excellence shall ripen into full maturity, what may not be expected from the full development of such a boyhood? Perhaps, father, you may yet live to see him at the head of some gallant band, which assembles in the silent sanctuary of the forest, and kindly relieves the weary traveller of his superfluous burden. Perhaps you may yet have the opportunity, before you go to your own tomb, of making a pilgrimage to the monument which he may erect for himself, somewhere between earth and heaven! Perhaps, - oh, father - father, look out for some other name, or the very peddlers and street boys who have seen the effigy of your worthy son exhibited in the market-place at Leipsic will point at you with the finger of scorn! OLD M. And thou, too, my Francis, thou too? Oh, my children, how unerringly your shafts are levelled at my heart. FRANCIS. You see that I too have a spirit; but my spirit bears the sting of a scorpion. And then it was "the dry commonplace, the cold, the wooden Francis," and all the pretty little epithets which the contrast between us suggested to your fatherly affection, when he was sitting on your knee, or playfully patting your cheeks? "He would die, forsooth, within the boundaries of his own domain, moulder away, and soon be forgotten;" while the fame of this universal genius would spread from pole to pole! Ah! the cold, dull, wooden Francis thanks thee, heaven, with uplifted hands, that he bears no resemblance to his brother. OLD M. Forgive me, my child! Reproach not thy unhappy father, whose fondest hopes have proved visionary. The merciful God who, through Charles, has sent these tears, will, through thee, my Francis, wipe them from my eyes! FRANCIS. Yes, father, we will wipe them from your eyes. Your Francis will devote - his life to prolong yours. (Taking his hand with affected tenderness.) Your life is the oracle which I will especially consult on every undertaking - the mirror in which I will contemplate everything. No duty so sacred but I am ready to violate it for the preservation of your precious days. You believe me? OLD M. Great are the duties which devolve on thee, my son - Heaven bless thee for what thou has been, and wilt be to me. FRANCIS. Now tell me frankly, father. Should you not be a happy man, were you not obliged to call this son your own? OLD M. In mercy, spare me! When the nurse first placed him in my arms, I held him up to Heaven and exclaimed, "Am I not truly blest?" FRANCIS. So you said then. Now, have you found it so? You may envy the meanest peasant on your estate in this, that he is not the father of such a son. So long as you call him yours you are wretched. Your misery will grow with his years - it will lay you in your grave. OLD M. Oh! he has already reduced me to the decrepitude of fourscore. FRANCIS. Well, then - suppose you were to disown this son. OLD M. (startled). Francis! Francis! what hast thou said! FRANCIS. Is not your love for him the source of all your grief? Root out this love, and he concerns you no longer. But for this weak and reprehensible affection he would be dead to you; - as though he had never been born. It is not flesh and blood, it is the heart that makes us sons and fathers! Love him no more, and this monster ceases to be your son, though he were cut out of your flesh. He has till now been the apple of your eye; but if thine eye offend you, says Scripture, pluck it out. It is better to enter heaven with one eye than hell with two! "It is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." These are the words of the Bible! OLD M. Wouldst thou have me curse my son? FRANCIS. By no means, father. God forbid! But whom do you call your son? Him to whom you have given life, and who in return does his utmost to shorten yours. OLD M. Oh, it is all too true! it is a judgment upon me. The Lord has chosen him as his instrument. FRANCIS. See how filially your bosom child behaves. He destroys you by your own excess of paternal sympathy; murders you by means of the very love you bear him - has coiled round a father's heart to crush it. When you are laid beneath the turf he becomes lord of your possessions, and master of his own will. That barrier removed, and the torrent of his profligacy will rush on without control. Imagine yourself in his place. How often he must wish his father under ground - and how often, too, his brother - who so unmercifully impede the free course of his excesses. But call you this a requital of love? Is this filial gratitude for a father's tenderness? to sacrifice ten years of your life to the lewd pleasures of an hour? in one voluptuous moment to stake the honor of an ancestry which has stood unspotted through seven centuries? Do you call this a son? Answer? Do you call this your son? OLD M. An undutiful son! Alas! but still my child! my child! FRANCIS. A most amiable and precious child - whose constant study is to get rid of his father. Oh, that you could learn to see clearly! that the film might be removed from your eyes! But your indulgence must confirm him in his vices! your assistance tend to justify them. Doubtless you will avert the curse of Heaven from his head, but on your own, father - on yours - will it fall with twofold vengeance. OLD M. Just! most just! Mine, mine be all the guilt! FRANCIS. How many thousands who have drained the voluptuous bowl of pleasure to the dregs have been reclaimed by suffering! And is not the bodily pain which follows every excess a manifest declaration of the divine will! And shall man dare to thwart this by an impious exercise of affection? Shall a father ruin forever the pledge committed to his charge? Consider, father, if you abandon him for a time to the pressure of want will not he be obliged to turn from his wickedness and repent? Otherwise, untaught even in the great school of adversity, he must remain a confirmed reprobate? And then - woe to the father who by a culpable tenderness bath frustrated the ordinances of a higher wisdom! Well, father? OLD M. I will write to him that I withdraw my protection. FRANCIS. That would be wise and prudent. OLD M. That he must never come into my sight again FRANCIS. 'Twill have a most salutary effect. OLD M. (tenderly). Until he reforms. FRANCIS. Right, quite right. But suppose that he comes disguised in the hypocrite's mask, implores your compassion with tears, and wheedles from you a pardon, then quits you again on the morrow, and jests at your weakness in the arms of his harlot. No, my father! He will return of his own accord, when his conscience awakens him to repentance. OLD M. I will write to him, on the spot, to that effect. FRANCIS. Stop, father, one word more. Your just indignation might prompt reproaches too severe, words which might break his heart - and then - do you not think that your deigning to write with your own hand might be construed into an act of forgiveness? It would be better, I think, that you should commit the task to me? OLD M. Do it, my son. Ah! it would, indeed, have broken my heart! Write to him that - FRANCIS (quickly). That's agreed, then? OLD M. Say that he has caused me a thousand bitter tears - a thousand sleepless nights - but, oh! do not drive my son to despair! FRANCIS. Had you not better retire to rest, father? This affects you too strongly. OLD M. Write to him that a father's heart - But I charge you, drive him not to despair. [Exit in sadness.] FRANCIS (looking after him with a chuckle). Make thyself easy, old dotard! thou wilt never more press thy darling to thy bosom - there is a gulf between thee and him impassable as heaven is from hell. He was torn from thy arms before even thou couldst have dreamed it possible to decree the separation. Why, what a sorry bungler should I be had I not skill enough to pluck a son from a father's heart; ay, though he were riveted there with hooks of steel! I have drawn around thee a magic circle of curses which he cannot overleap. Good speed to thee, Master Francis. Papa's darling is disposed of - the course is clear. I must carefully pick up all the scraps of paper, for how easily might my handwriting be recognized. (He gathers the fragments of the letter.) And grief will soon make an end of the old gentleman. And as for her - I must tear this Charles from her heart, though half her life come with him. No small cause have I for being dissatisfied with Dame Nature, and, by my honor, I will have amends! Why did I not crawl the first from my mother's womb? why not the only one? why has she heaped on me this burden of deformity? on me especially? Just as if she had spawned me from her refuse.* Why to me in particular this snub of the Laplander? these negro lips? these Hottentot eyes? On my word, the lady seems to have collected from all the race of mankind whatever was loathsome into a heap, and kneaded the mass into my particular person. Death and destruction! who empowered her to deny to me what she accorded to him? Could a man pay his court to her before he was born? or offend her before he existed? Why went she to work in such a partial spirit? No! no! I do her injustice - she bestowed inventive faculty, and set us naked and helpless on the shore of this great ocean, the world - let those swim who can - the heavy** may sink. To me she gave naught else, and how to make the best use of my endowment is my present business. Men's natural rights are equal; claim is met by claim, effort by effort, and force by force - right is with the strongest - the limits of our power constitute our laws. It is true there are certain organized conventions, which men have devised to keep up what is called the social compact. Honor! truly a very convenient coin, which those who know how to pass it may lay out with great advantage.*** Conscience! oh yes, a useful scarecrow to frighten sparrows away from cherry-trees; it is something like a fairly written bill of exchange with which your bankrupt merchant staves off the evil day. * See Richard III., Act I, Sc. 1, line 17. **Heavy is used in a double meaning; the German word is plump, which Means lumpish clumsy awkward. ***So Falstaff, Hen. IV., Pt. I., Act V., Sc. 1, "Honor is a mere scutcheon." Well! these are all most admirable institutions for keeping fools in awe, and holding the mob underfoot, that the cunning may live the more at their ease. Rare institutions, doubtless. They are something like the fences my boors plant so closely to keep out the hares - yes I' faith, not a hare can trespass on the enclosure, but my lord claps spurs to his hunter, and away he gallops over the teeming harvest! Poor hare! thou playest but a sorry part in this world's drama, but your worshipful lords must needs have hares! *[This may help to illustrate a passage in Shakespeare which puzzles the commentators - "Cupid is a good hare-finder." - Much ADO, Act I., Sc. 1. The hare, in Germany, is considered an emblem of abject submission and cowardice. The word may also be rendered "Simpleton," "Sawney," or any other of the numerous epithets which imply a soft condition.] Then courage, and onward, Francis. The man who fears nothing is as powerful as he who is feared by everybody. It is now the mode to wear buckles on your smallclothes, that you may loosen or tighten them at pleasure. I will be measured for a conscience after the newest fashion, one that will stretch handsomely as occasion may require. Am I to blame? It is the tailor's affair? I have heard a great deal of twaddle about the so-called ties of blood - enough to make a sober man beside himself. He is your brother, they say; which interpreted, means that he was manufactured in the same mould, and for that reason he must needs be sacred in your eyes! To what absurd conclusions must this notion of a sympathy of souls, derived from the propinquity of bodies, inevitably tend? A common source of being is to produce community of sentiment; identity of matter, identity of impulse! Then again, - he is thy father! He gave thee life, thou art his flesh and blood - and therefore he must be sacred to thee! Again a most inconsequential deduction! I should like to know why he begot me;** certainly not out of love for me - for I must first have existed! **[The reader of Sterne will remember a very similar passage in the first chapter of Tristram Shandy.] Could he know me before I had being, or did he think of me during my begetting? or did he wish for me at the moment? Did he know what I should be? If so I would not advise him to acknowledge it or I should pay him off for his feat. Am I to be thankful to him that I am a man? As little as I should have had a right to blame him if he had made me a woman. Can I acknowledge an affection which is not based on any personal regard? Could personal regard be present before the existence of its object? In what, then, consists the sacredness of paternity? Is it in the act itself out of which existence arose? as though this were aught else than an animal process to appease animal desires. Or does it lie, perhaps, in the result of this act, which is nothing more after all than one of iron necessity, and which men would gladly dispense with, were it not at the cost of flesh and blood? Do I then owe him thanks for his affection? Why, what is it but a piece of vanity, the besetting sin of the artist who admires his own works, however hideous they may be? Look you, this is the whole juggle, wrapped up in a mystic veil to work on our fears. And shall I, too, be fooled like an infant? Up then! and to thy work manfully. I will root up from my path whatever obstructs my progress towards becoming the master. Master I must be, that I may extort by force what I cannot win by affection.* *[This soliloquy in some parts resembles that of Richard, Duke of Gloster, in Shakespeare's Henry VI., Act V. Sc. 6.] [Exit.] SCENE II. - A Tavern on the Frontier of Saxony. CHARLES VON MOOR intent on a book; SPIEGELBERG drinking at the table. CHARLES VON M. (lays the book aside). I am disgusted with this age of puny scribblers when I read of great men in my Plutarch. SPIEGEL. (places a glass before him, and drinks). Josephus is the book you should read. CHARLES VON M. The glowing spark of Prometheus is burnt out, and now they substitute for it the flash of lycopodium,* a stage-fire which will not so much as light a pipe. The present generation may be compared to rats crawling about the club of Hercules.** *[Lycopodium (in German Barlappen-mehl), vulgarly known as the Devil's Puff-ball or Witchmeal, is used on the stage, as well in England as on the continent, to produce flashes of fire. It is made of the pollen of common club moss, or wolf's claw (Lycopodium clavatum), the capsules of which contain a highly inflammable powder. Translators have uniformly failed in rendering this passage.] **[This simile brings to mind Shakespeare's: "We petty men Walk under his huge legs, and peep about." JULIUS CAESAR, Act I., Sc. 2.] A French abbe lays it down that Alexander was a poltroon; a phthisicky professor, holding at every word a bottle of sal volatile to his nose, lectures on strength. Fellows who faint at the veriest trifle criticise the tactics of Hannibal; whimpering boys store themselves with phrases out of the slaughter at Canna; and blubber over the victories of Scipio, because they are obliged to construe them. SPIEGEL. Spouted in true Alexandrian style. CHARLES VON M. A brilliant reward for your sweat in the battle-field truly to have your existence perpetuated in gymnasiums, and your immortality laboriously dragged about in a schoolboy's satchel. A precious recompense for your lavished blood to be wrapped round gingerbread by some Nuremberg chandler, or, if you have great luck, to be screwed upon stilts by a French playwright, and be made to move on wires! Ha, ha, ha! SPIEGEL. (drinks). Read Josephus, I tell you. CHARLES VON M. Fie! fie upon this weak, effeminate age, fit for nothing but to ponder over the deeds of former times, and torture the heroes of antiquity with commentaries, or mangle them in tragedies. The vigor of its loins is dried up, and the propagation of the human species has become dependent on potations of malt liquor. SPIEGEL. Tea, brother! tea! CHARLES VON M. They curb honest nature with absurd conventionalities; have scarcely the heart to charge a glass, because they are tasked to drink a health in it; fawn upon the lackey that he may put in a word for them with His Grace, and bully the unfortunate wight from whom they have nothing to fear. They worship any one for a dinner, and are just as ready to poison him should he chance to outbid them for a feather-bed at an auction. They damn the Sadducee who fails to come regularly to church, although their own devotion consists in reckoning up their usurious gains at the very altar. They cast themselves on their knees that they may have an opportunity of displaying their mantles, and hardly take their eyes off the parson from their anxiety to see how his wig is frizzled. They swoon at the sight of a bleeding goose, yet clap their hands with joy when they see their rival driven bankrupt from the Exchange. Warmly as I pressed their hands, - "Only one more day." In vain! To prison with the dog! Entreaties! Vows! Tears! (stamping the ground). Hell and the devil! SPIEGEL. And all for a few thousand paltry ducats! CHARLES VON M. No, I hate to think of it. Am I to squeeze my body into stays, and straight-lace my will in the trammels of law. What might have risen to an eagle's flight has been reduced to a snail's pace by law. Never yet has law formed a great man; 'tis liberty that breeds giants and heroes. Oh! that the spirit of Herman* still glowed in his ashes! *[Herman is the German for Armin or Arminius, the celebrated deliverer of Germany from the Roman yoke. See Menzel's History, vol. i., p. 85, etc.] Set me at the head of an army of fellows like myself, and out of Germany shall spring a republic compared to which Rome and Sparta will be but as nunneries. (Rises and flings his sword upon the table.) SPIEGEL. (jumping up). Bravo! Bravissimo! you are coming to the right key now. I have something for your ear, Moor, which has long been on my mind, and you are the very man for it - drink, brother, drink! What if we turned Jews and brought the kingdom of Jerusalem again on the tapis? But tell me is it not a clever scheme? We send forth a manifesto to the four quarters of the world, and summon to Palestine all that do not eat Swineflesh. Then I prove by incontestable documents that Herod the Tetrarch was my direct ancestor, and so forth. There will be a victory, my fine fellow, when they return and are restored to their lands, and are able to rebuild Jerusalem. Then make a clean sweep of the Turks out of Asia while the iron is hot, hew cedars in Lebanon, build ships, and then the whole nation shall chaffer with old clothes and old lace throughout the world. Meanwhile - CHARLES VON M. (smiles and takes him by the hand). Comrade! There must be an end now of our fooleries. SPIEGEL. (with surprise). Fie! you are not going to play the prodigal son! - a fellow like you who with his sword has scratched more hieroglyhics on other men's faces than three quill-drivers could inscribe in their daybooks in a leap-year! Shall I tell you the story of the great dog funeral? Ha! I must just bring back your own picture to your mind; that will kindle fire in your veins, if nothing else has power to inspire you. Do you remember how the heads of the college caused your dog's leg to be shot off, and you, by way of revenge, proclaimed a fast through the whole town? They fumed and fretted at your edict. But you, without losing time, ordered all the meat to be bought up in Leipsic, so that in the course of eight hours there was not a bone left to pick all over the place, and even fish began to rise in price. The magistrates and the town council vowed vengeance. But we students turned out lustily, seventeen hundred of us, with you at our head, and butchers and tailors and haberdashers at our backs, besides publicans, barbers, and rabble of all sorts, swearing that the town should be sacked if a single hair of a student's head was injured. And so the affair went off like the shooting at Hornberg,* and they were obliged to be off with their tails between their legs. *[The "shooting at Hornberg" is a proverbial expression in Germany for any expedition from which, through lack of courage, the parties retire without firing a shot.] You sent for doctors - a whole posse of them - and offered three ducats to any one who would write a prescription for your dog. We were afraid the gentlemen would stand too much upon honor and refuse, and had already made up our minds to use force. But this was quite unnecessary; the doctors got to fisticuffs for the three ducats, and their competition brought down the price to three groats; in the course of an hour a dozen prescriptions were written, of which, of course, the poor beast very soon died. CHARLES VON M. The vile rascals. SPIEGEL. The funeral procession was arranged with all due pomp; odes for the dog were indited by the gross; and at night we all turned out, near a thousand of us, a lantern in one hand and our rapier in the other, and so proceeded through the town, the bells chiming and ringing, till the dog was entombed. Then came a feed which lasted till broad daylight, when you sent your acknowledgments to the college dons for their kind sympathy, and ordered the meat to be sold at half-price. Mort de ma vie , if we had not as great a respect for you as a garrison for the conqueror of a fortress. CHARLES VON M. And are you not ashamed to boast of these things? Have you not shame enough in you to blush even at the recollection of such pranks? SPIEGEL. Come, come! You are no longer the same Moor. Do you remember how, a thousand times, bottle in hand, you made game of the miserly old governor, bidding him by all means rake and scrape together as much as he could, for that you would swill it all down your throat? Don't you remember, eh? - don't you remember?' O you good-for-nothing, miserable braggart! that was speaking like a man, and a gentleman, but - CHARLES VON M. A curse on you for reminding me of it! A curse on myself for what I said! But it was done in the fumes of wine, and my heart knew not what my tongue uttered. SPIEGEL. (shakes his head). No, no! that cannot be! Impossible, brother! You are not in earnest! Tell me! most sweet brother, is it not poverty which has brought you to this mood? Come! let me tell you a little story of my youthful days. There was a ditch close to my house, eight feet wide at the least, which we boys were trying to leap over for a wager. But it was no go. Splash! there you lay sprawling, amidst hisses and roars of laughter, and a relentless shower of snowballs. By the side of my house a hunter's dog was lying chained, a savage beast, which would catch the girls by their petticoats with the quickness of lightning if they incautiously passed too near him. Now it was my greatest delight to tease this brute in every possible way; and it was enough to make one burst with laughing to see the beast fix his eyes on me with such fierceness that he seemed ready to tear me to pieces if he could but get at me. Well, what happened? Once, when I was amusing myself in this manner, I hit him such a bang in the ribs with a stone that in his fury he broke loose and ran right upon me. I tore away like lightning, but - devil take it! - that confounded ditch lay right in my way. What was to be done? The dog was close at my heels and quite furious; there was no time to deliberate. I took a spring and cleared the ditch. To that leap I was indebted for life and limb; the beast would have torn me to atoms. CHARLES VON M. And to what does all this tend? SPIEGEL. To this - that you may be taught that strength grows with the occasion. For which reason I never despair even when things are the worst. Courage grows with danger. Powers of resistance increase by pressure. It is evident by the obstacles she strews in my path that fate must have designed me for a great man. CHARLES VON M. (angrily). I am not aware of anything for which we still require courage, and have not already shown it. SPIEGEL. Indeed! And so you mean to let your gifts go to waste? To bury your talent? Do you think your paltry achievements at Leipsic amount to the ne plus ultra of genius? Let us but once get to the great world - Paris and London! where you get your ears boxed if you salute a man as honest. It is a real jubilee to practise one's handicraft there on a grand scale. How you will stare! How you will open your eyes! to see signatures forged; dice loaded; locks picked, and strong boxes gutted; all that you shall learn of Spiegelberg! The rascal deserves to be hanged on the first gallows that would rather starve than manipulate with his fingers. CHARLES VON M. (in a fit of absence). How now? I should not wonder if your proficiency went further still. SPIEGEL. I begin to think you mistrust me. Only wait till I have grown warm at it; you shall see wonders; your little brain shall whirl clean round in your pericranium when my teeming wit is delivered. (He rises excited.) How it clears up within me! Great thoughts are dawning in on my soul! Gigantic plans are fermenting in my creative brain. Cursed lethargy (striking his forehead), which has hitherto enchained my faculties, cramped and fettered my prospects! I awake; I feel what I am - and what I am to be! CHARLES VON M. You are a fool! The wine is swaggering in your brain. SPIEGEL. (more excited). Spiegelberg, they will say, art thou a magician, Spiegelberg? 'Tis a pity, the king will say, that thou wert not made a general, Spiegelberg, thou wouldst have thrust the Austrians through a buttonhole. Yes, I hear the doctors lamenting, 'tis a crying shame that he was not bred to medicine, he would have discovered the elixir vitae . Ay, and that he did not take to financiering, the Sullys will deplore in their cabinets, - he would have turned flints into louis-d'ors by his magic. And Spiegelberg will be the word from east to west; then down into the dirt with you, ye cowards, ye reptiles, while Spiegelberg soars with outspread wings to the temple of everlasting fame. CHARLES VON M. A pleasant journey to you! I leave you to climb to the summit of glory on the pillars of infamy. In the shade of my ancestral groves, in the arms of my Amelia, a nobler joy awaits me. I have already, last week, written to my father to implore his forgiveness, and have not concealed the least circumstance from him; and where there is sincerity there is compassion and help. Let us take leave of each other, Moritz. After this day we shall meet no more. The post has arrived. My father's forgiveness must already be within the walls of this town. Enter SCHWEITZER, GRIMM, ROLLER, SCHUFTERLE, and RAZMAN. ROLLER. Are you aware that they are on our track! GRIMM. That we are not for a moment safe from being taken? CHARLES VON M. I don't wonder at it. It must be as it will! Have none of you seen Schwarz? Did he say anything about having a letter for me? ROLLER. He has been long in search of you on some such errand, I suspect. CHARLES VON M. Where is he? where, where? (is about to rush of in haste). ROLLER. Stay! we have appointed him to come here. You tremble? CHARLES VON M. I do not tremble. Why should I tremble? Comrades, this letter - rejoice with me! I am the happiest man under the sun; why should I tremble? Enter SCHWARZ. CHARLES VON M. (rushes towards him). Brother, brother! the letter, the letter! SCHW. (gives him a letter, which he opens hastily). What's the matter? You have grown as pale as a whitewashed wall! CHARLES VON M. My brother's hand! SCHW. What the deuce is Spiegelberg about there? GRIMM. The fellow's mad. He jumps about as if he had St. Vitus' dance. SCHUF. His wits are gone a wool gathering! He's making verses, I'll be sworn! RAZ. Spiegelberg! Ho! Spiegelberg! The brute does not hear. GRIMM. (shakes him). Hallo! fellow! are you dreaming? or - SPIEGEL. (who has all this time been making gestures in a corner of the room, as if working out some great project, jumps up wildly). Your money or your life! (He catches SCHWEITZER by the throat, who very coolly flings him against the wall; Moor drops the letter and rushes out. A general sensation.) ROLLER. (calling after him). Moor! where are you going? What's the matter? GRIMM. What ails him? What has he been doing? He is as pale as death. SCHW. He must have got strange news. Just let us see! ROLLER. (picks up the letter from the ground, and reads). "Unfortunate brother!" - a pleasant beginning - "I have only briefly to inform you that you have nothing more to hope for. You may go, your father directs me to tell you, wherever your own vicious propensities lead. Nor are you to entertain, he says, any hope of ever gaining pardon by weeping at his feet, unless you are prepared to fare upon bread and water in the lowest dungeon of his castle until your hair shall outgrow eagles' feathers, and your nails the talons of a vulture. These are his very words. He commands me to close the letter. Farewell forever! I pity you. "FRANCIS VON MOOR" SCHW. A most amiable and loving brother, in good truth! And the scoundrel's name is Francis. SPIEGEL. (slinking forward). Bread and water! Is that it? A temperate diet! But I have made a better provision for you. Did I not say that I should have to think for you all at last? SCHWEIT. What does the blockhead say! The jackass is going to think for us all! SPIEGEL. Cowards, cripples, lame dogs are ye all if you have not courage enough to venture upon something great. ROLLER. Well, of course, so we should be, you are right; but will your proposed scheme get us out of this devil of a scrape? eh? SPIEGEL. (with a proud laugh). Poor thing! Get us out of this scrape? Ha, ha, ha! Get us out of the scrape! - and is that all your thimbleful of brain can reach? And with that you trot your mare back to the stable? Spiegelberg would have been a miserable bungler indeed if that were the extent of his aim. Heroes, I tell you, barons, princes, gods, it will make of you. RAZ. That's pretty well for one bout, truly! But no doubt it is some neck-breaking piece of business; it will cost a head or so at the least. SPIEGEL. It wants nothing but courage; as to the headwork, I take that entirely upon myself. Courage, I say, Schweitzer! Courage, Roller! Grimm! Razman! Schufterle! Courage! SCHW. Courage! If that is all, I have courage enough to walk through hell barefoot. SCHUFT. And I courage enough to fight the very devil himself under the open gallows for the rescue of any poor sinner. SPIEGEL. That's just what it should be! If ye have courage, let any one of you step forward and say he has still something to lose, and not everything to gain? SCHW. Verily, I should have a good deal to lose, if I were to lose all that I have yet to win! PAZ. Yes, by Jove! and I much to win, if I could win all that I have not got to lose. SCHUFT. Were I to lose what I carry on my back on trust I should at any rate have nothing to lose on the morrow. SPIEGEL. Very well then! (He takes his place in the middle of them, and says in solemn adjuration) - if but a drop of the heroic blood of the ancient Germans still flow in your veins - come! We will fix our abode in the Bohemian forests, draw together a band of robbers, and - What are you gaping at? Has your slender stock of courage oozed out already? ROLLER. You are not the first rogue by many that has defied the gallows; - and yet what other choice have we? SPIEGEL. Choice? You have no choice. Do you want to lie rotting in the debtor's jail and beat hemp till you are bailed by the last trumpet? Would you toil with pick-axe and spade for a morsel of dry bread? or earn a pitiful alms by singing doleful ditties under people's windows? Or will you be sworn at the drumhead - and then comes the question, whether anybody would trust your hang-dog visages - and so under the splenetic humor of some despotic sergeant serve your time of purgatory in advance? Would you like to run the gauntlet to the beat of the drum? or be doomed to drag after you, like a galley-slave, the whole iron store of Vulcan? Behold your choice. You have before you the complete catalogue of all that you may choose from! ROLLER. Spiegelberg is not altogether wrong! I, too, have been concocting plans, but they come much to the same thing. How would it be, thought I, were we to club our wits together, and dish up a pocketbook, or an almanac, or something of that sort, and write reviews at a penny a line, as is now the fashion? SCHUFT. The devil's in you! you are pretty nearly hitting on my own schemes. I have been thinking to myself how would it answer were I to turn Methodist, and hold weekly prayer-meetings? GRIMM. Capital! and, if that fails, turn atheist! We might fall foul of the four Gospels, get our book burned by the hangman, and then it would sell at a prodigious rate. RAZ. Or we might take the field to cure a fashionable ailment. I know a quack doctor who has built himself a house with nothing but mercury, as the motto over his door implies. SCHWEIT. (rises and holds out his hand to Spiegelberg). Spiegelberg, thou art a great man! or else a blind hog has by chance found an acorn. SCHW. Excellent schemes! Honorable professions! How great minds sympathize! All that seems wanting to complete the list is that we should turn pimps and bawds. SPIEGEL. Pooh! Pooh! Nonsense. And what is to prevent our combining most of these occupations in one person? My plan will exalt you the most, and it holds out glory and immortality into the bargain. Remember, too, ye sorry varlets, and it is a matter worthy of consideration: one's fame hereafter - the sweet thought of immortality - ROLLER. And that at the very head of the muster-roll of honorable names! You are a master of eloquence, Spiegelberg, when the question is how to convert an honest man into a scoundrel. But does any one know what has become of Moor? SPIEGEL. Honest, say you? Do you think you'll be less honest then than you are now? What do you call honest? To relieve rich misers of half of those cares which only scare golden sleep from their eyelids; to force hoarded coin into circulation; to restore the equalization of property; in one word, to bring back the golden age; to relieve Providence of many a burdensome pensioner, and so save it the trouble of sending war, pestilence, famine, and above all, doctors - that is what I call honesty, d'ye see; that's what I call being a worthy instrument in the hand of Providence, - and then, at every meal you eat, to have the sweet reflection: this is what thy own ingenuity, thy lion boldness, thy night watchings, have procured for thee - to command the respect both of great and small! ROLLER. And at last to mount towards heaven in the living body, and in spite of wind and storm, in spite of the greedy maw of old father Time, to be hovering beneath the sun and moon and all the stars of the firmament, where even the unreasoning birds of heaven, attracted by noble instinct, chant their seraphic music, and angels with tails hold their most holy councils? Don't you see? And, while monarchs and potentates become a prey to moths and worms, to have the honor of receiving visits from the royal bird of Jove. Moritz, Moritz, Moritz! beware of the three-legged beast.* *[The gallows, which in Germany is formed of three posts.] SPIEGEL. And does that fright thee, craven-heart? Has not many a universal genius, who might have reformed the world, rotted upon the gallows? And does not the renown of such a man live for hundreds and thousands of years, whereas many a king and elector would be passed over in history, were not historians obliged to give him a niche to complete the line of succession, or that the mention of him did not swell the volume a few octavo pages, for which he counts upon hard cash from the publisher. And when the wayfarer sees you swinging to and fro in the breeze he will mutter to himself, "That fellow's brains had no water in them, I'll warrant me," and then groan over the hardship of the times. SCHWEIT. (slaps him on the shoulder). Well said, Spiegelberg! Well said! Why the devil do we stand here hesitating? SCHW. And suppose it is called disgrace - what then? Cannot one, in case of need, always carry a small powder about one, which quietly smooths the weary traveller's passage across the Styx, where no cock-crowing will disturb his rest? No, brother Moritz! Your scheme is good; so at least says my creed. SCHUFT. Zounds! and mine too! Spiegelberg, I am your recruit. RAZ. Like a second Orpheus, Spiegelberg, you have charmed to sleep that howling beast, conscience! Take me as I stand, I am yours entirely! GRIMMM. Si omnes consentiunt ego non dissentio ;* mind, without a comma. There is an auction going on in my head - methodists - quack doctors - reviewers - rogues; - the highest bidder has me. Here is my hand, Moritz! *[The joke is explained by placing a comma after non.] ROLLER. And you too, Schweitzer? (he gives his right hand to SPIEGELBERG). Thus I consign my soul to the devil. SPIEGEL. And your name to the stars! What does it signify where the soul goes to? If crowds of avantcouriers give notice of our descent that the devils may put on their holiday gear, wipe the accumulated soot of a thousand years from their eyelashes, and myriads of horned heads pop up from the smoking mouth of their sulphurous chimneys to welcome our arrival! 'Up, comrades! (leaping up). Up! What in the world is equal to this ecstacy of delight? Come along, comrades! ROLLER. Gently, gently! Where are you going? Every beast must have a head, boys! SPIEGEL. (With bitterness). What is that incubus preaching about? Was not the head already there before a single limb began to move? Follow me, comrades! ROLLER. Gently, I say! even liberty must have its master. Rome and Sparta perished for want of a chief. SPIEGEL. (in a wheedling manner). Yes, - stay - Roller is right. And he must have an enlightened head. Do you understand? A keen, politic head. Yes! when I think what you were only an hour ago, and what you are now, and that it is all owing to one happy thought. Yes, of course, you must have a chief, and you'll own that he who struck out this idea may claim to have an enlightened and politic head? ROLLER. If one could hope, if one could dream, but I fear he will not consent. SPIEGEL. Why not? Speak out boldly, friend! Difficult as it may be to steer a laboring vessel against wind and tide, oppressive as may be the weight of a crown, speak your thought without hesitation, Roller! Perhaps he may be prevailed upon after all! ROLLER. And if he does not the whole vessel will be crazy enough. Without Moor we are a "body without a soul." SPIEGEL. (turning angrily from him). Dolt! blockhead! (Enter CHARLES VON MOOR in violent agitation, stalking backwards and forwards, and speaking to himself.) CHARLES VON M. Man - man! false, perfidious crocodile-brood! Your eyes are all tears, but your hearts steel! Kisses on your lips, but daggers couched in your bosoms! Even lions and tigers nourish their young. Ravens feast their brood on carrion, and he - he Malice I have learned to bear; and I can smile when my fellest enemy drinks to me in my own heart's blood; but when kindred turn traitors, when a father's love becomes a fury's hate; oh, then, let manly resignation give place to raging fire! the gentle lamb become a tiger! and every nerve strain itself to vengeance and destruction! ROLLER. Hark ye, Moor! What think ye of it? A robber's life is pleasanter, after all, than to lie rotting on bread and water in the lowest dungeon of the castle? CHARLES VON M. Why was not this spirit implanted in a tiger which gluts its raging jaws with human flesh? Is this a father's tenderness? Is this love for love? Would I were a bear to rouse all the bears of the north against this murderous race! Repentance, and no pardon! Oh, that I could poison the ocean that men might drink death from every spring! Contrition, implicit reliance, and no pardon! ROLLER. But listen, Moor, - listen to what I am telling you! CHARLES VON M. 'Tis incredible! 'tis a dream - a delusion! Such earnest entreaty, such a vivid picture of misery and tearful penitence - a savage beast would have been melted to compassion! stones would have wept, and yet he - it would be thought a malicious libel upon human nature were I to proclaim it - and yet, yet - oh, that I could sound the trumpet of rebellion through all creation, and lead air, and earth, and sea into battle array against this generation of hyenas! GRIMM. Hear me, only hear me! You are deaf with raving. CHARLES VON M. Avaunt, avaunt! Is not thy name man? Art thou not born of woman? Out of my sight, thou thing with human visage! I loved him so unutterably! - never son so loved a father; I would have sacrificed a thousand lives for him (foaming and stamping the ground). Ha! where is he that will put a sword into my hand that I may strike this generation of vipers to the quick! Who will teach me how to reach their heart's core, to crush, to annihilate the whole race? Such a man shall be my friend, my angel, my god - him will I worship! ROLLER. Such friends behold in us; be but advised! SCHW. Come with us into the Bohemian forests! We will form a band of robbers there, and you (MOOR stares at him). SCHWEIT. You shall be our captain! you must be our captain! SPIEGEL. (throws himself into a chair in a rage). Slaves and cowards! CHARLES VON M. Who inspired thee with that thought? Hark, fellow! (grasping ROLLER tightly) that human soul of thine did not produce it; who suggested it to thee? Yes, by the thousand arms of death! that's what we will, and what we must do! the thought's divine. He who conceived it deserves to be canonized. Robbers and murderers! As my soul lives, I am your captain! ALL (with tumultuous shouts). Hurrah! long live our captain! SPIEGEL. (starting up, aside). Till I give him his coup de grace ! CHARLES VON M. See, it falls like a film from my eyes! What a fool was I to think of returning to be caged? My soul's athirst for deeds, my spirit pants for freedom. Murderers, robbers! with these words I trample the law underfoot - mankind threw off humanity when I appealed to it. Away, then, with human sympathies and mercy! I no longer have a father, no longer affections; blood and death shall teach me to forget that anything was ever dear to me! Come! come! Oh, I will recreate myself with some most fearful vengeance; - 'tis resolved, I am your captain! and success to him who Shall spread fire and slaughter the widest and most savagely - I pledge myself He shall be right royally rewarded. Stand around me, all of you, and swear to me fealty and obedience unto death! Swear by this trusty right hand. ALL (place their hands in his). We swear to thee fealty and obedience unto death! CHARLES VON M. And, by this same trusty right Hand, I here swear to you to remain your captain, true and faithful unto death! This arm shall make an instant corpse of him who doubts, or fears, or retreats. And may the same befall me from your hands if I betray my oath! Are you content? [SPIEGELBERG runs up and down in a furious rage.] ALL (throwing up their hats). We are content! CHARLES VON M. Well, then, let us be gone! Fear neither death nor danger, for an unalterable destiny rules over us. Every man has his doom, be it to die on the soft pillow of down, or in the field of blood, or on the scaffold, or the wheel! One or the other of these must be our lot! [Exeunt.] SPIEGEL. (looking after them after a pause). Your catalogue has a hole in it. You have omitted poison. [Exit.] SCENE III. - MOOR'S Castle. - AMELIA'S Chamber. FRANCIS, AMELIA. FRANCIS. Your face is averted from me, Amelia? Am I less worthy than he who is accursed of his father? AMELIA. Away! Oh! what a loving, compassionate father, who abandons his son a prey to wolves and monsters! In his own comfortable home he pampers himself with delicious wines and stretches his palsied limbs on down, while his noble son is starving. Shame upon you, inhuman wretches! Shame upon you, ye souls of dragons, ye blots on humanity! - his only son! FRANCIS. I thought he had two. AMELIA. Yes, he deserves to have such sons as you are. On his deathbed he will in vain stretch out his withered hands for his Charles, and recoil with a shudder when he feels the ice-cold hand of his Francis. Oh, it is sweet, deliciously sweet, to be cursed by such a father! Tell me, Francis, dear brotherly soul - tell me what must one do to be cursed by him? FRANCIS. You are raving, dearest; you are to be pitied. AMELIA. Oh! indeed. Do you pity your brother? No, monster, you hate him! I hope you hate me too. FRANCIS. I love you as dearly as I love myself, Amelia! AMELIA. If you love me you will not refuse me one little request. FRANCIS. None, none! if you ask no more than my life. AMELIA. Oh, if that is the case! then one request, which you will so easily, so readily grant. (Loftily.) Hate me! I should perforce blush crimson if, whilst thinking of Charles, it should for a moment enter my mind that you do not hate me. You promise me this? Now go, and leave me; I so love to be alone! FRANCIS. Lovely enthusiast! how greatly I admire your gentle, affectionate heart. Here, here, Charles reigned sole monarch, like a god within his temple; he stood before thee waking, he filled your imaination dreaming; the whole creation seemed to thee to centre in Charles, and to reflect him alone; it gave thee no other echo but of him. AMELIA (with emotion). Yes, verily, I own it. Despite of you all, barbarians as you are, I will own it before all the world. I love him! FRANCIS. Inhuman, cruel! So to requite a love like this! To forget her - AMELIA (starting). What! forget me? FRANCIS. Did you not place a ring on his finger? - a diamond ring, the pledge of your love? To be sure how is it possible for youth to resist the fascinations of a wanton? Who can blame him for it, since he had nothing else left to give away? and of course she repaid him with interest by her caresses and embraces. AMELIA (with indignation). My ring to a wanton? FRANCIS. Fie, fie! it is disgraceful. 'Twould not be much, however, if that were all. A ring, be it ever so costly, is, after all, a thing which one may always buy of a Jew. Perhaps the fashion of it did not please him, perhaps he exchanged it for one more beautiful. AMELIA (with violence). But my ring, I say, my ring? FRANCIS. Even yours, Amelia. Ha! such a brilliant, and on my finger; and from Amelia! Death itself should not have plucked it hence. It is not the costliness of the diamond, not the cunning of the pattern - it is love which constitutes its value. Is it not so, Amelia? Dearest child, you are weeping. Woe be to him who causes such precious drops to flow from those heavenly eyes; ah, and if you knew all, if you could but see him yourself, see him under that form? AMELIA. Monster! what do you mean? What form do you speak of? FRANCIS. Hush, hush, gentle soul, press me no further (as if soliloquizing, yet aloud). If it had only some veil, that horrid vice, under which it might shroud itself from the eye of the world! But there it is, glaring horribly through the sallow, leaden eye; proclaiming itself in the sunken, deathlike look; ghastly protruding bones; the faltering, hollow voice; preaching audibly from the shattered, shaking skeleton; piercing to the most vital marrow of the bones, and sapping the manly strength of youth - faugh! the idea sickens me. Nose, eyes, ears shrink from it. You saw that miserable wretch, Amelia, in our hospital, who was heavily breathing out his spirit; modesty seemed to cast down her abashed eye as she passed him; you cried woe upon him. Recall that hideous image to your mind, and your Charles stands before you. His kisses are pestilence, his lips poison. AMELIA (strikes him). Shameless liar! FRANCIS. Does such a Charles inspire you with horror? Does the mere picture fill you with disgust? Go, then! gaze upon him yourself, your handsome, your angelic, your divine Charles! Go, drink his balmy breath, and revel in the ambrosial fumes which ascend from his throat! The very exhalations of his body will plunge you into that dark and deathlike dizziness which follows the smell of a bursting carcase, or the sight of a corpse-strewn battle-field. (AMELIA turns away her face.) What sensations of love! What rapture in those embraces! But is it not unjust to condemn a man because of his diseased exterior? Even in the most wretched lump of deformity a soul great and worthy of love may beam forth brightly like a pearl on a dunghill. ( With a malignant smile.) Even from lips of corruption love may - - . To be sure if vice should undermine the very foundations of character, if with chastity virtue too should take her flight as the fragrance departs from the faded rose - if with the body the soul too should be tainted and corrupted. AMELIA (rising joyfully). Ha! Charles! now I recognize thee again! Thou art whole, whole! It was all a lie! Dost thou not know, miscreant, that it would be impossible for Charles to be the being you describe? (FRANCIS remains standing for some time, lost in thought, then suddenly turns round to go away.) Whither are you going in such haste? Are you flying from your own infamy? FRANCIS (hiding his face). Let me go, let me go! to give free vent to my tears! tyrannical father, thus to abandon the best of your sons to misery and disgrace on every side! Let me go, Amelia! I will throw myself at his feet, on my knees I will conjure him to transfer to me the curse that he has pronounced, to disinherit me, to hate me, my blood, my life, my all - - . AMELIA (falls on his neck). Brother of my Charles! Dearest, most excellent Francis! FRANCIS. Oh, Amelia! how I love you for this unshaken constancy to my brother. Forgive me for venturing to subject your love to so severe a trial! How nobly you have realized my wishes! By those tears, those sighs, that divine indignation - and for me too, for me - our souls did so truly harmonize. AMELIA. Oh, no! that they never did! FRANCIS. Alas! they harmonized so truly that I always thought we must be twins. And were it not for that unfortunate difference in person, to be twin-like, which, it must be admitted, would be to the disadvantage of Charles, we should again and again be mistaken for each other. Thou art, I often said to myself, thou art the very Charles, his echo, his counterpart. AMELIA (shakes her head). No, no! by that chaste light of heaven! not an atom of him, not the least spark of his soul. FRANCIS. So entirely the same in our dispositions; the rose was his favorite flower, and what flower do I esteem above the rose? He loved music beyond expression; and ye are witnesses, ye stars! how often you have listened to me playing on the harpsichord in the dead silence of night, when all around lay buried in darkness and slumber; and how is it possible for you, Amelia, still to doubt? if our love meets in one perfection, and if it is the self-same love, how can its fruits degenerate? (AMELIA looks at him with astonishment.) It was a calm, serene evening, the last before his departure for Leipzic, when he took me with him to the bower where you so often sat together in dreams of love, - we were long speechless; at last he seized my hand, and said, in a low voice, and with tears in his eyes, "I am leaving Amelia; I know not, but I have a sad presentiment that it is forever; forsake her not, brother; be her friend, her Charles - if Charles - should never - never return." (He throws himself down before her, and kisses her hand with fervor.) Never, never, never will he return; and I stand pledged by a sacred oath to fulfil his behest! AMELIA (starting back). Traitor! Now thou art unmasked! In that very bower he conjured me, if he died, to admit no other love. Dost thou see how impious, how execrable - - . Quit my sight! FRANCIS. You know me not, Amelia; you do not know me in the least! AMELIA. Oh, yes, I know you; from henceforth I know you; and you pretend to be like him? You mean to say that he wept for me in your presence? Yours? He would sooner have inscribed my name on the pillory? Begone - this instant! FRANCIS. You insult me. AMELIA. Go - I say. You have robbed me of a precious hour; may it be deducted from your life. FRANCIS. You hate me then! AMELIA. I despise you - away! FRANCIS (stamping with fury). Only wait! you shall learn to tremble before me! - To sacrifice me for a beggar! [Exit in anger.] AMELIA. Go, thou base villain! Now, Charles, am I again thine own. Beggar, did he say! then is the world turned upside down, beggars are kings, and kings are beggars! I would not change the rags he wears for the imperial purple. The look with which he begs must, indeed, be a noble, a royal look, a look that withers into naught the glory, the pomp, the triumphs of the rich and great! Into the dust with thee, glittering baubles! (She tears her pearls from her neck.) Let the rich and the proud be condemned to bear the burden of gold, and silver, and jewels! Be they condemned to carouse at the tables of the voluptuous! To pamper their limbs on the downy couch of luxury! Charles! Charles! Thus am I worthy of thee! [Exit.] ACT II. SCENE I. - FRANCIS VON MOOR in his chamber - in meditation. FRANCIS. It lasts too long-and the doctor even says is recovering - an old man's life is a very eternity! The course would be free and plain before me, but for this troublesome, tough lump of flesh, which, like the infernal demon-hound in ghost stories, bars the way to my treasures. Must, then, my projects bend to the iron yoke of a mechanical system? Is my soaring spirit to be chained down to the snail's pace of matter? To blow out a wick which is already flickering upon its last drop of oil - 'tis nothing more. And yet I would rather not do it myself, on account of what the world would say. I should not wish him to be killed, but merely disposed of. I should like to do what your clever physician does, only the reverse way - not stop Nature's course by running a bar across her path, but only help her to speed a little faster. Are we not able to prolong the conditions of life? Why, then, should we not also be able to shorten them? Philosophers and physiologists teach us how close is the sympathy between the emotions of the mind and the movements of the bodily machine. Convulsive sensations are always accompanied by a disturbance of the mechanical vibrations - passions injure the vital powers - an overburdened spirit bursts its shell. Well, then - what if one knew how to smooth this unbeaten path, for the easier entrance of death into the citadel of life? - to work the body's destruction through the mind - ha! an original device! - who can accomplish this? - a device without a parallel! Think upon it, Moor! That were an art worthy of thee for its inventor. Has not poisoning been raised almost to the rank of a regular science, and Nature compelled, by the force of experiments, to define her limits, so that one may now calculate the heart's throbbings for years in advance, and say to the beating pulse, "So far, and no farther"? Why should not one try one's skill in this line?* *[A woman in Paris, by means of a regularly performed series of experiments, carried the art of poisoning to such perfection that she could predict almost to a certainty the day of death, however remote. Fie upon our physicians, who should blush to be outdone by a woman in their own province. Beckmann, in his article on secret poisoning, has given a particular account of this woman, the Marchioness de Brinvilliers. - See "History of Inventions," Standard Library Edition, vol. i, pp. 47-63.] And how, then, must I, too, go to work to dissever that sweet and peaceful union of soul and body? What species of sensations should I seek to produce? Which would most fiercely assail the condition of life? Anger? - that ravenous wolf is too quickly satiated. Care? that worm gnaws far too slowly. Grief? - that viper creeps too lazily for me. Fear? - hope destroys its power. What! and are these the only executioners of man? is the armory of death so soon exhausted? (In deep thought.) How now! what! ho! I have it! (Starting up.) Terror! What is proof against terror? What powers have religion and reason under that giant's icy grasp! And yet - if he should withstand even this assault? If he should! Oh, then, come Anguish to my aid! and thou, gnawing Repentance! - furies of hell, burrowing snakes who regorge your food, and feed upon your own excrements; ye that are forever destroying, and forever reproducing your poison! And thou, howling Remorse, that desolatest thine own habitation, and feedest upon thy mother. And come ye, too, gentle Graces, to my aid; even you, sweet smiling Memory, goddess of the past - and thou, with thy overflowing horn of plenty, blooming Futurity; show him in your mirror the joys of Paradise, while with fleeting foot you elude his eager grasp. Thus will I work my battery of death, stroke after stroke, upon his fragile body, until the troop of furies close upon him with Despair! Triumph! triumph! - the plan is complete - difficult and masterly beyond compare - sure - safe; for then (with a sneer) the dissecting knife can find no trace of wound or of corrosive poison. (Resolutely.) Be it so! (Enter HERMANN.) Ha! Deus ex machina ! Hermann! HERMANN. At your service, gracious sir! FRANCIS (shakes him by the hand). You will not find it that of an ungrateful master. HERMANN. I have proofs of this. FRANCIS. And you shall have more soon - very soon, Hermann! - I have something to say to thee, Hermann. HERMANN. I am all attention. FRANCIS. I know thee - thou art a resolute fellow - a man of mettle. - To call thee smooth-tongued! My father has greatly belied thee, Hermann. HERMANN. The devil take me if I forget it! FRANCIS. Spoken like a man! Vengeance becomes a manly heart! Thou art to my mind, Hermann. Take this purse, Hermann. It should be heavier were I master here. HERMANN. That is my unceasing wish, most gracious sir. I thank you. FRANCIS. Really, Hermann! dost thou wish that I were master? But my father has the marrow of a lion in his bones, and I am but a younger son. HERMANN. I wish you were the eldest son, and that your father were as marrowless as a girl sinking in a consumption. FRANCIS. Ha! how that elder son would recompense thee! How he would raise thee from this grovelling condition, so ill suited to thy spirit and noble birth, to be a light of the age! - Then shouldst thou be covered with gold from head to foot, and dash through the streets four in hand - verily thou shouldst! - But I am losing sight of what I meant to say. - Have you already forgotten the Lady Amelia, Hermann? HERMANN. A curse upon it! Why do you remind me of her? FRANCIS. My brother has filched her away from you. HERMANN. He shall rue it. FRANCIS. She gave you the sack. And, if I remember right, he kicked you down stairs. HERMANN. For which I will kick him into hell. FRANCIS. He used to say, it was whispered abroad, that your father could never look upon you without smiting his breast and sighing, "God be merciful to me, a sinner!" HERMANN (wildly). Thunder and lightning! No more of this! FRANCIS. He advised you to sell your patent of nobility by auction, and to get your stockings mended with the proceeds. HERMANN. By all the devils in hell, I'll scratch out his eyes with my own nails! FRANCIS. What? you are growing angry? What signifies your anger? What harm can you do him? What can a mouse like you do to such a lion? Your rage only makes his triumph the sweeter. You can do nothing more than gnash your teeth, and vent your rage upon a dry crust. HERMANN (stamping). I will grind him to powder! FRANCIS (slapping his shoulder). Fie, Hermann! You are a gentleman. You must not put up with the affront. You must not give up the lady, no, not for all the world, Hermann! By my soul, I would move heaven and earth were I in your place. HERMANN. I will not rest till I have him, and him, too, under ground. FRANCIS. Not so violent, Hermann! Come nearer - you shall have Amelia. HERMANN. That I must; despite the devil himself, I will have her. FRANCIS. You shall have her, I tell you; and that from my hand. Come closer, I say. - You don't know, perhaps, that Charles is as good as disinherited. HERMANN (going closer to him). Incredible! The first I have heard of it. FRANCIS. Be patient, and listen! Another time you shall hear more. - Yes, I tell you, as good as banished these eleven months. But the old man already begins to lament the hasty step, which, however, I flatter myself (with a smile) is not entirely his own. Amelia, too, is incessantly pursuing him with her tears and reproaches. Presently he will be having him searched for in every quarter of the world; and if he finds him - then it's all over with you, Hermann. You may perhaps have the honor of most obsequiously holding the coach-door while he alights with the lady to get married. HERMANN. I'll strangle him at the altar first. FRANCIS. His father will soon give up his estates to him, and live in retirement in his castle. Then the proud roysterer will have the reins in his own hands, and laugh his enemies to scorn; - and I, who wished to make a great man of you - a man of consequence - I myself, Hermann, shall have to make my humble obeisance at his threshold. HERMANN (with fire). No, as sure as my name is Hermann, that shall never be! If but the smallest spark of wit glimmer in this brain of mine, that shall never be! FRANCIS. Will you be able to prevent it? You, too, my good Hermann, will be made to feel his lash. He will spit in your face when he meets you in the streets; and woe be to you should you venture to shrug your shoulders or to make a wry mouth. Look, my friend! this is all that your lovesuit, your prospects, and your mighty plans amount to. HERMANN. Tell me, what am I to do? FRANCIS. Well, then, listen, Hermann! You see how I enter into your feelings, like a true friend. Go - disguise yourself, so that no one may recognize you; obtain audience of the old man; pretend to come straight from Bohemia, to have been at the battle of Prague along with my brother - to have seen him breathe his last on the field of battle! HERMANN. Will he believe me? FRANCIS. Ho! ho! let that be my care! Take this packet. There you will find your commission set forth at large; and documents, to boot, which shall convince the most incredulous. Only make haste to get away unobserved. Slip through the back gate into the yard, and then scale the garden wall. - The denouement of this tragicomedy you may leave to me! HERMANN. That, I suppose, will be, "Long live our new baron, Francis von Moor!" FRANCIS (patting his cheeks). How cunning you are! By this means, you see, we attain all our aims at once and quickly. Amelia relinquishes all hope of him, - the old man reproaches himself for the death of his son, and - he sickens - a tottering edifice needs no earthquake to bring it down - he will not survive the intelligence - then am I his only son, - Amelia loses every support, and becomes the plaything of my will, and you may easily guess - in short, all will go as we wish - but you must not flinch from your word. HERMANN. What do you say? (Exultingly.) Sooner shall the ball turn back in its course, and bury itself in the entrails of the marksman. Depend upon me! Only let me to the work. Adieu! FRANCIS (calling after him). The harvest is thine, dear Hermann! (Alone.) When the ox has drawn the corn into the barn, he must put up with hay. A dairy maid for thee, and no Amelia! SCENE II. - Old Moor's Bedchamber. OLD MOOR asleep in an arm-chair; AMELIA. AMELIA (approaching him on tip-toe). Softly! Softly! He slumbers. (She places herself before him.) How beautiful! how venerable! - venerable as the picture of a saint. No, I cannot be angry with thee, thou head with the silver locks; I cannot be angry with thee! Slumber on gently, wake up cheerfully - I alone will be the sufferer. OLD M. (dreaming). My son! my son! my son! AMELIA (seizes his hand). Hark! - hark! his son is in his dreams. OLD M. Are you there? Are you really there! Alas! how miserable you seem! Fix not on me that mournful look! I am wretched enough. AMELIA (awakens him abruptly). Look up, dear old man! 'Twas but a dream. Collect yourself! OLD M. (half awake). Was he not there? Did I not press his hands? Cruel Francis! wilt thou tear him even from my dreams? AMELIA (aside). Ha! mark that, Amelia! OLD M. (rousing himself). Where is he? Where? Where am I? You here, Amelia? AMELIA. How do you find yourself? You have had a refreshing slumber. OLD M. I was dreaming about my son. Why did I not dream on? Perhaps I might have obtained forgiveness from his lips. AMELIA. Angels bear no resentment - he forgives you. (Seizes his hand sorrowfully.) Father of my Charles! I, too, forgive you. OLD M. No, no, my child! That death-like paleness of thy cheek is the father's condemnation. Poor girl! I have robbed thee of the happiness of thy youth. Oh, do not curse me! AMELIA (affectionately kissing his hand). I curse you? OLD M. Dost thou know this portrait, my daughter? AMELIA. Charles! OLD M. Such was he in his sixteenth year. But now, alas! how changed. Oh, it is raging within me. That gentleness is now indignation; that smile despair. It was his birthday, was it not, Amelia - in the jessamine bower - when you drew this picture of him? Oh, my daughter! How happy was I in your loves. AMELIA (with her eye still riveted upon the picture). No, no, it is not he! By Heaven, that is not Charles! Here (pointing to her head and her heart), here he is perfect; and how different. The feeble pencil avails not to express that heavenly spirit which reigned in his fiery eye. Away with it! This is a poor image, an ordinary man! I was a mere dauber. OLD M. That kind, that cheering look! Had that been at my bedside, I should have lived in the midst of death. Never, never should I have died! AMELIA. No, you would never, never have died. It would have been but a leap, as we leap from one thought to another and a better. That look would have lighted you across the tomb - that look would have lifted you beyond the stars! OLD M. It is hard! it is sad! I am dying, and my son Charles is not here - I am borne to my tomb, and he weeps not over my grave. How sweet it is to be lulled into the sleep of death by a son's prayer - that is the true requiem. AMELIA (with enthusiasm). Yes, sweet it is, heavenly sweet, to be lulled into the sleep of death by the song of the beloved. Perhaps our dreams continue in the grave - a long, eternal, never-ending dream of Charles - till the trumpet of resurrection sounds - (rising in ecstasy) - and thenceforth and forever in his arms! (A pause; she goes to the piano and plays.) ANDROMACHE. Oh, Hector, wilt thou go for evermore, When fierce Achilles, on the blood-stained shore, Heaps countless victims o'er Patroclus' grave? When then thy hapless orphan boy will rear, Teach him to praise the gods and hurl the spear, When thou art swallow'd up in Xanthus' wave? OLD M. A beautiful song, my daughter. You must play that to me before I die. AMELIA. It is the parting of Hector and Andromache. Charles and I used often to sing it together to the guitar. (She continues.) HECTOR. Beloved wife! stern duty calls to arms - Go, fetch my lance! and cease those vain alarms! On me is cast the destiny of Troy! Astyanax, my child, the Gods will shield, Should Hector fall upon the battle-field; And in Elysium we shall meet with joy! Enter DANIEL. DANIEL. There is a man without, who craves to be admitted to your presence, and says he brings tidings of importance. OLD M. To me there is but one thing in this world of importance; thou knowest it, Amelia. Perhaps it is some unfortunate creature who seeks assistance? He shall not go hence in sorrow. AMELIA. - If it is a beggar, let him come up quickly. OLD M. Amelia, Amelia! spare me! AMELIA (continues to play and sing.) ANDROMACHE. Thy martial tread no more will grace my hall - Thine arms shall hang sad relics on the wall - And Priam's race of godlike heroes fade! Oh, thou wilt go where Phoebus sheds no light - Where black Cocytus wails in endless night Thy love will die in Lethe's gloomy shade. HECTOR. Though I in Lethe's darksome wave should sink, And cease on other mortal ties to think, Yet thy true love shall never be forgot! Hark! on the walls I hear the battle roar - Gird on my armor - and, oh, weep no more. Thy Hector's love in Lethe dieth not! (Enter FRANCIS, HERMANN in disguise, DANIEL.) FRANCIS. Here is the man. He says that he brings terrible news. Can you bear the recital! OLD M. I know but one thing terrible to hear. Come hither, friend, and spare me not! Hand him a cup of wine! HERMANN (in a feigned voice). Most gracious Sir? Let not a poor man be visited with your displeasure, if against his will he lacerates your heart. I am a stranger in these parts, but I know you well; you are the father of Charles von Moor. OLD M. How know you that? HERMANN. I knew your son AMELIA (starting up). He lives then? He lives! You know him? Where is he? Where? (About to rush out.) OLD M. What know you about my son? HERMANN. He was a student at the university of Leipzic. From thence he travelled about, I know not how far. He wandered all over Germany, and, as he told me himself, barefoot and bareheaded, begging his bread from door to door. After five months, the fatal war between Prussia and Austria broke out afresh, and as he had no hopes left in this world, the fame of Frederick's victorious banner drew him to Bohemia. Permit me, said he to the great Schwerin, to die on the bed of heroes, for I have no longer a father! - OLD M. O! Amelia! Look not on me! HERMANN. They gave him a pair of colors. With the Prussians he flew on the wings of victory. We chanced to lie together, in the same tent. He talked much of his old father, and of happy days that were past - and of disappointed hopes - it brought the tears into our eyes. OLD M. (buries his face in his pillow). - No more! Oh, no more! HERMANN. A week after, the fierce battle of Prague was fought - I can assure you your son behaved like a brave soldier. He performed prodigies that day in sight of the whole army. Five regiments were successively cut down by his side, and still he kept his ground. Fiery shells fell right and left, and still your son kept his ground. A ball shattered his right hand: he seized the colors with his left, and still he kept his ground! AMELIA (in transport). Hector, Hector! do you hear? He kept his ground! HERMANN. On the evening of the battle I found him on the same spot. He had sunk down, amidst a shower of hissing balls: with his left hand he was staunching the blood that flowed from a fearful wound; his right he had buried in the earth. "Comrade!" cried he when he saw me, "there has been a report through the ranks that the general fell an hour ago - " "He is fallen," I replied, "and thou?" "Well, then," he cried, withdrawing his left hand from the wound, "let every brave soldier follow his general!" Soon after he breathed out his noble soul, to join his heroic leader. FRANCIS (feigning to rush wildly on HERMANN). May death seal thy accursed lips! Art thou come here to give the death-blow to our father? Father! Amelia! father! HERMANN. It was the last wish of my expiring comrade. "Take this sword," faltered he, with his dying breath, "deliver it to my aged father; his son's blood is upon it - he is avenged - let him rejoice. Tell him that his curse drove me into battle and into death; that I fell in despair." His last sigh was "Amelia." AMELIA (like one aroused from lethargy). His last sigh - Amelia! OLD M. (screaming horribly, and tearing his hair). My curse drove him into death! He fell in despair! FRANCIS (pacing up and down the room). Oh! what have you done, father? My Charles! my brother! HERMANN. Here is the sword; and here, too, is a picture which he drew from his breast at the same time. It is the very image of this young lady. "This for my brother Francis," he said; I know not what he meant by it. FRANCIS (feigning astonishment). For me? Amelia's picture? For me - Charles - Amelia? For me? AMELIA (rushing violently upon HERMANN). Thou venal, bribed impostor! (Lays hold of him.) HERMANN. I am no impostor, noble lady. See yourself if it is not your picture. It may be that you yourself gave it to him. FRANCIS. By heaven, Amelia! your picture! It is, indeed. AMELIA (returns him the picture) My picture, mine! Oh! heavens and earth! OLD M. (screaming and tearing his face.) Woe, woe! my curse drove him into death! He fell in despair! FRANCIS. And he thought of me in the last and parting hour - of me. Angelic soul! When the black banner of death already waved over him he thought of me! OLD M. (stammering like an idiot.) My curse drove him into death. In despair my son perished. HERMANN. This is more than I can bear! Farewell, old gentleman! (Aside to FRANCIS.) How could you have the heart to do this? [Exit in haste.] AMELIA (rises and rushes after him). Stay! stay! What were nis last words? HERMANN (calling back). His last sigh was "Amelia." [Exit.] AMELIA. His last sigh was Amelia! No, thou art no impostor. It is too true - true - he is dead - dead! (staggering to and fro till she sinks down) - dead - Charles is dead! FRANCIS. What do I see? What is this line on the sword? - written with blood - Amelia! AMELIA. By him? FRANCIS. Do I see clearly, or am I dreaming? Behold, in characters of blood, "Francis, forsake not my Amelia." And on the other side, "Amelia, all-powerful death has released thee from thy oath." Now do you see - do you see? With hand stiffening in death he wrote it, with his warm life's blood he wrote it - wrote it on the solemn brink of eternity. His spirit lingered in his flight to unite Francis and Amelia. AMELIA. Gracious heaven! it is his own hand. He never loved me. [Rushes off] FRANCIS (stamping the ground). Confusion! her stubborn heart foils all my cunning! OLD MOOR. Woe, woe! forsake me not, my daughter! Francis, Francis! give me back my son! FRANCIS. Who was it that cursed him? Who was it that drove his son into battle, and death, and despair? Oh, he was an angel, a jewel of heaven! A curse on his destroyers! A curse, a curse upon yourself! OLD MOOR (strikes his breast and forehead with his clenched fist). He was an angel, a jewel of heaven! A curse, a curse, perdition, a curse on myself! I am the father who slew his noble son! He loved me even to death! To expiate my vengeance he rushed into battle and into death! Monster, monster that I am! (He rages against himself.) FRANCIS. He is gone. What avail these tardy lamentations? (with a satanic sneer.) It is easier to murder than to restore to life. You will never bring him back from his grave. OLD Moon. Never, never, never bring him back from the grave! Gone! lost for ever! And you it was that beguiled my heart to curse him. - you - you - Give me back my son! FRANCIS. Rouse not my fury, lest I forsake you even in the hour of death! OLD MOOR. Monster! inhuman monster! Restore my son to me. (Starts from the chair and attempts to catch FRANCIS by the throat, who flings him back.) FRANCIS. Feeble old dotard I would you dare? Die! despair! [Exit.] OLD MOOR. May the thunder of a thousand curses light upon thee! thou hast robbed me of my son. (Throwing himself about in his chair full of despair). Alas! alas! to despair and yet not die. They fly, they forsake me in death; my guardian angels fly from me; all the saints withdraw from the hoary murderer. Oh, misery! will no one support this head, no one release this struggling soul? No son, no daughter, no friend, not one human being - will no one? Alone - forsaken. Woe, woe! To despair, yet not to die! Enter AMELIA, her eyes red with weeping. OLD MOOR. Amelia I messenger of heaven! Art thou come to release my soul? AMELIA (in a gentle tone). You have lost a noble son. OLD MOOR. Murdered him, you mean. With the weight of this impeachment I shall present myself before the judgment-seat of God. AMELIA. Not so, old man! Our heavenly Father has taken him to himself. We should have been too happy in this world. Above, above, beyond the stars, we shall meet again. OLD MOOR. Meet again! Meet again! Oh! it will pierce my soul like a Sword - should I, a saint, meet him among the saints. In the midst of heaven the horrors of hell will strike through me! The remembrance of that deed will crush me in the presence of the Eternal: I have murdered my son! AMELIA. Oh, his smiles will chase away the bitter remembrance from your soul! Cheer up, dear father! I am quite cheerful. Has he not already sung the name of Amelia to listening angels on seraphic harps, and has not heaven's choir sweetly echoed it? Was not his last sigh, Amelia? And will not Amelia be his first accent of joy? OLD MOOR. Heavenly consolation flows from your lips! He will smile upon me, you say? He will forgive me? You must stay with my beloved of my Charles, when I die. AMELIA. To die is to fly to his arms. Oh, how happy and enviable is your lot! Would that my bones were decayed! - that my hairs were gray! Woe upon the vigor of youth! Welcome, decrepid age, nearer to heaven and my Charles! Enter FRANCIS. OLD MOOR. Come near, my son! Forgive me if I spoke too harshly to you just now! I forgive you all. I wish to yield up my spirit in peace. FRANCIS. Have you done weeping for your son? For aught that I see you had but one. OLD MOOR. Jacob had twelve sons, but for his Joseph he wept tears of blood. FRANCIS. Hum! OLD MOOR. Bring the Bible, my daughter, and read to me the story of Jacob and Joseph! It always appeared to me so touching, even before I myself became a Jacob. AMELIA. What part shall I read to you? (Takes the Bible and turns over the leaves.) OLD MOOR. Read to me the grief of the bereaved father, when he found his Joseph no more among his children; - when he sought him in vain amidst his eleven sons; - and his lamentation when he heard that he was taken from him forever. AMELIA (reads). "And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood; and they sent the coat of many colors, and they brought it to their father, and said, 'This have we found: know now whether it be thy son's coat or no.' (Exit FRANCIS suddenly.) And he knew it and said, 'It is my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.'" OLD MOOR (falls back upon the pillow). An evil beast hath devoured Joseph! AMELIA (continues reading). "And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days. And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted, and he said, 'For I will go down into the grave - '" OLD MOOR. Leave off! leave off. I feel very ill. AMELIA (running towards him, lets fall the book). Heaven help us! What is this? OLD MOOR. It is death - darkness - is waving - before my eyes - I pray thee - send for the minister - that he may - give me - the Holy Communion. Where is - my son Francis? AMELIA. He is fled. God have mercy upon us! OLD MOOR. Fled - fled from his father's deathbed? And is that all - all - of two children full of promise - thou hast given - thou hast - taken away - thy name be - AMELIA (with a sudden cry). Dead! both dead! [Exit in despair.] Enter FRANCIS, dancing with joy. FRANCIS. Dead, they cry, dead! Now am I master. Through the whole castle it rings, dead! but stay, perchance he only sleeps? To be sure, yes, to be sure! that certainly is a sleep after which no "good-morrow" is ever said. Sleep and death are but twin-brothers. We will for once change their names! Excellent, welcome sleep! We will call thee death! (He closes the eyes of OLD MOOR.) Who now will come forward and dare to accuse me at the bar of justice, or tell me to my face, thou art a villain? Away, then, with this troublesome mask of humility and virtue! Now you shall see Francis as he is, and tremble! My father was overgentle in his demands, turned his domain into a family-circle, sat blandly smiling at the gate, and saluted his peasants as brethren and children. My brows shall lower upon you like thunderclouds; my lordly name shall hover over you like a threatening comet over the mountains; my forehead shall be your weather-glass! He would caress and fondle the child that lifted its stubborn head against him. But fondling and caressing is not my mode. I will drive the rowels of the spur into their flesh, and give the scourge a trial. Under my rule it shall be brought to pass that potatoes and small-beer shall be considered a holiday treat; and woe to him who meets my eye with the audacious front of health. Haggard want and crouching fear are my insignia; and in this livery I will clothe ye. [Exit.] SCENE III. - THE BOHEMIAN WOODS. SPIEGELBERG, RAZMAN, A Troop Of ROBBERS. RAZ. Are you come? Is it really you? Oh, let me squeeze thee into a jelly, my dear heart's brother! Welcome to the Bohemian forests! Why, you are grown quite stout and jolly! You have brought us recruits in right earnest, a little army of them; you are the very prince of crimps. SPIEGEL. Eh, brother? Eli? And proper fellows they are! You must confess the blessing of heaven is visibly upon me; I was a poor, hungry wretch, and had nothing but this staff when I went over the Jordan, and now there are eight-and-seventy of us, mostly ruined shopkeepers, rejected masters of arts, and law-clerks from the Swabian provinces. They are a rare set of fellows, brother, capital fellows, I promise you; they will steal you the very buttons off each other's trousers in perfect security, although in the teeth of a loaded musket,* and they live in clover and enjoy a reputation for forty miles round, which is quite astonishing. *[The acting edition reads, "Hang your hat up in the sun, and I'll take you a wager it's gone the next minute, as clean out of sight as if the devil himself had walked off with it."] There is not a newspaper in which you will not find some little feat or other of that cunning fellow, Spiegelberg; I take in the papers for nothing else; they have described me from head to foot; you would think you saw me; they have not forgotten even my coat-buttons. But we lead them gloriously by the nose. The other day I went to the printing-office and pretended that I had seen the famous Spiegelberg, dictated to a penny-a-liner who was sitting there the exact image of a quack doctor in the town; the matter gets wind, the fellow is arrested, put to the rack, and in his anguish and stupidity he confesses the devil take me if he does not - confesses that he is Spiegelberg. Fire and fury! I was on the point of giving myself up to a magistrate rather than have my fair fame marred by such a poltroon; however, within three months he was hanged. I was obliged to stuff a right good pinch of snuff into my nose as some time afterwards I was passing the gibbet and saw the pseudo-Spiegelberg parading there in all his glory; and, while Spiegelberg's representative is dangling by the neck, the real Spiegelberg very quietly slips himself out of the noose, and makes jolly long noses behind the backs of these sagacious wiseacres of the law. RAZ. (laughing). You are still the same fellow you always were. SPIEGEL. Ay, sure! body and soul. But I must tell you a bit of fun, my boy, which I had the other day in the nunnery of St. Austin. We fell in with the convent just about sunset; and as I had not fired a single cartridge all day, - you know I hate the diem perdidi as I hate death itself, - I was determined to immortalize the night by some glorious exploit, even though it should cost the devil one of his ears! We kept quite quiet till late in the night. At last all is as still as a mouse - the lights are extinguished. We fancy the nuns must be comfortably tucked up. So I take brother Grimm along with me, and order the others to wait at the gate till they hear my whistle - I secure the watchman, take the keys from him, creep into the maid-servants' dormitory, take. away all their clothes, and whisk the bundle out at the window. We go on from cell to cell, take away the clothes of one sister after another, and lastly those of the lady-abbess herself. Then I sound my whistle, and my fellows outside begin to storm and halloo as if doomsday was at hand, and away they rush with the devil's own uproar into the cells of the sisters! Ha, ha, ha! You should have seen the game - how the poor creatures were groping about in the dark for their petticoats, and how they took on when they found they were gone; and we, in the meantime, at 'em like very devils; and now, terrified and amazed, they wriggled under their bedclothes, or cowered together like cats behind the stoves. There was such shrieking and lamentation; and then the old beldame of an abbess - you know, brother, there is nothing in the world I hate so much as a spider and an old woman - so you may just fancy that wrinkled old hag standing naked before me, conjuring me by her maiden modesty forsooth! Well, I was determined to make short work of it; either, said I, out with your plate and your convent jewels and all your shining dollars, or - my fellows knew what I meant. The end of it was I brought away more than a thousand dollars' worth out of the convent, to say nothing of the fun, which will tell its own story in due time. RAZ. (stamping on the ground). Hang it, that I should be absent on such an occasion. SPIEGEL. Do you see? Now tell me, is not that life? 'Tis that which keeps one fresh and hale, and braces the body so that it swells hourly like an abbot's paunch; I don't know, but I think I must be endowed with some magnetic property, which attracts all the vagabonds on the face of the earth towards me like steel and iron. RAZ. A precious magnet, indeed. But I should like to know, I'll be hanged if I shouldn't, what witchcraft you use? SPIEGEL. Witchcraft? No need of witchcraft. All it wants is a head - a certain practical capacity which, of course, is not taken in with every spoonful of barley meal; for you know I have always said that an honest man may be carved out of any willow stump, but to make a rogue you must have brains; besides which it requires a national genius - a certain rascal-climate - so to speak.* *[In the first (and suppressed) edition was added, "Go to the Grisons, for instance; that is what I call the thief's Athens." This obnoxious passage has been carefully expunged from all the subsequent editions. It gave mortal offence to the Grison magistrates, who made a formal complaint of the insult and caused Schiller to be severely rebuked by the Grand Duke. This incident forms one of the epochs in our author's history.] RAZ. Brother, I have heard Italy celebrated for its artists. SPIEGEL. Yes, yes! Give the devil his due. Italy makes a very noble figure; and if Germany goes on as it has begun, and if the Bible gets fairly kicked out, of which there is every prospect, Germany, too, may in time arrive at something respectable; but I should tell you that climate does not, after all, do such a wonderful deal; genius thrives everywhere; and as for the rest, brother, a crab, you know, will never become a pineapple, not even in Paradise. But to pursue our subject, where did I leave off? RAZ. You were going to tell me about your stratagems. SPIEGEL. Ah, yes! my stratagems. Well, when you get into a town, the first thing is to fish out from the beadles, watchmen, and turnkeys, who are their best customers, and for these, accordingly, you must look out; then ensconce yourself snugly in coffee-houses, brothels, and beer-shops, and observe who cry out most against the cheapness of the times, the reduced five per cents., and the increasing nuisance of police regulations; who rail the loudest against government, or decry physiognomical science, and such like? These are the right sort of fellows, brother. Their honesty is as loose as a hollow tooth; you have only to apply your pincers. Or a shorter and even better plan is to drop a full purse in the public highway, conceal yourself somewhere near, and mark who finds it. Presently after you come running up, search, proclaim your loss aloud, and ask him, as it were casually, "Have you perchance picked up a purse, sir?" If he says "Yes," why then the devil fails you. But if he denies it, with a "pardon me, sir, I remember, I am sorry, sir," (he jumps up), then, brother, you've done the trick. Extinguish your lantern, cunning Diogenes, you have found your match. RAZ. You are an accomplished practitioner. SPIEGEL. My God! As if that had ever been doubted. Well, then, when you have got your man into the net, you must take great care to land him cleverly. You see, my son, the way I have managed is thus: as soon as I was on the scent I stuck to my candidate like a leech; I drank brotherhood with him, and, nota bene , you must always pay the score. That costs a pretty penny, it is true, but never mind that. You must go further; introduce him to gaming-houses and brothels; entangle him in broils and rogueries till he becomes bankrupt in health and strength, in purse, conscience, and reputation; for I must tell you, by the way, that you will make nothing of it unless you ruin both body and soul. Believe me, brother, and I have experienced it more than fifty times in my extensive practice, that when the honest man is once ousted from his stronghold, the devil has it all his own way - the transition is then as easy as from a whore to a devotee. But hark! What bang was that? RAZ. It was thunder; go on. SPIEGEL. Or, there is a yet shorter and still better way. You strip your man of all he has, even to his very shirt, and then he will come to you of his own accord; you won't teach me to suck eggs, brother; ask that copper-faced fellow there. My eyes, how neatly I got him into my meshes. I showed him forty ducats, which I promised to give him if he would bring me an impression in wax of his master's keys. Only think, the stupid brute not only does this, but actually brings me - I'll be hanged if he did not - the keys themselves; and then thinks to get the money. "Sirrah," said I, "are you aware that I am going to carry these keys straight to the lieutenant of police, and to bespeak a place for you on the gibbet?" By the powers! you should have seen how the simpleton opened his eyes, and began to shake from head to foot like a dripping poodle. "For heaven's sake, sir, do but consider. I will - will - " "What will you? Will you at once cut your stick and go to the devil with me?" "Oh, with all my heart, with great pleasure." Ha! ha! ha! my fine fellow; toasted cheese is the thing to catch mice with; do have a good laugh at him, Razman; ha! ha! ha! RAZ. Yes, yes, I must confess. I shall inscribe that lesson in letters of gold upon the tablet of my brain. Satan must know his people right well to have chosen you for his factor. SPIEGEL. Eh, brother? Eli? And if I help him to half a score of fellows he will, of course, let me off scot-free - publishers, you know, always give one copy in ten gratis to those who collect subscribers for them; why should the devil be more of a Jew? Razman, I smell powder. RAZ. Zounds! I smelt it long ago. You may depend upon it there has being something going forward hereabouts. Yes, yes! I can tell you, Spiegelberg, you will be welcome to our captain with your recruits; he, too, has got hold of some brave fellows. SPIEGEL. But look at mine! at mine here, bah! RAZ. Well, well! they may be tolerably expert in the finger department, but, I tell you, the fame of our captain has tempted even some honorable men to join his staff. SPIEGEL. So much the worse. RAZ. Without joking. And they are not ashamed to serve under such a leader. He does not commit murder as we do for the sake of plunder; and as to money, as soon as he had plenty of it at command, he did not seem to care a straw for it; and his third of the booty, which belongs to him of right, he gives away to orphans, or supports promising young men with it at college. But should he happen to get a country squire into his clutches who grinds down his peasants like cattle, or some gold-laced villain, who warps the law to his own purposes, and hoodwinks the eyes of justice with his gold, or any chap of that kidney; then, my boy, he is in his element, and rages like a very devil, as if every fibre in his body were a fury. SPIEGEL. Humph! RAZ. The other day we were told at a tavern that a rich count from Ratisbon was about to pass through, who had gained the day in a suit worth a million of money by the craftiness of his lawyer. The captain was just sitting down to a game of backgammon. "How many of us are there?" said he to me, rising in haste. I saw him bite his nether lip, which he never does except when he is very determined. "Not more than five," I replied. "That's enough," he said; threw his score on the table, left the wine he had ordered untouched, and off we went. The whole time he did not utter a syllable, but walked aloof and alone, only asking us from time to time whether we heard anything, and now and then desiring us to lay our ears to the ground. At last the count came in sight, his carriage heavily laden, the lawyer, seated by his side, an outrider in advance, and two horsemen riding behind. Then you should have seen the man. With a pistol in each hand he ran before us to the carriage, - and the voice with which he thundered, "Halt!" The coachman, who would not halt, was soon toppled from his box; the count fired out of the carriage and missed - the horseman fled. "Your money, rascal!" cried Moor, with his stentorian voice. The count lay like a bullock under the axe: "And are you the rogue who turns justice into a venal prostitute?" The lawyer shook till his teeth chattered again; and a dagger soon stuck in his body, like a stake in a vineyard. "I have done my part," cried the captain, turning proudly away; "the plunder is your affair." And with this he vanished into the forest. SPIEGEL. Hum! hum! Brother, what I told you just now remains between ourselves; there is no occasion for his knowing it. You understand me? RAZ. Yes, yes, I understand! SPIEGEL. You know the man! He has his own notions! You understand me? RAZ. Oh, I quite understand. (Enter SCHWARZ at full speed). Who's there? What is the matter? Any travellers in the forest? SCHWARZ. Quick, quick! Where are the others? Zounds! there you stand gossiping! Don't you know - do you know nothing of it? - that poor Roller - PAZ. What of him? What of him? SCHWARZ. He's hanged, that's all, and four others with him - RAz. Roller hanged? S'death! when? How do you know? SCHWARZ. He has been in limbo more than three weeks, and we knew nothing of it. He was brought up for examination three several days, and still we heard nothing. They put him to the rack to make him tell where the captain was to be found - but the brave fellow would not slip. Yesterday he got his sentence, and this morning was dispatched express to the devil! RAZ. Confound it! Does the captain know? SCHWARZ. He heard of it only yesterday. He foamed like a wild boar. You know that Roller was always an especial favorite; and then the rack! Ropes and scaling-ladders were conveyed to the prison, but in vain. Moor himself got access to him disguised as a Capuchin monk, and proposed to change clothes with him; but Roller absolutely refused; whereupon the captain swore an oath that made our very flesh creep. He vowed that he would light a funeral pile for him, such as had never yet graced the bier of royalty, one that should burn them all to cinders. I fear for the city. He has long owed it a grudge for its intolerable bigotry; and you know, when he says, "I'll do it," the thing is as good as done. RAZ. That is true! I know the captain. If he had pledged his word to the devil to go to hell he never would pray again, though half a pater-noster would take him to heaven. Alas! poor Roller! - poor Roller! SPIEGEL. Memento mori ! But it does not concern me. (Hums a tune). Should I happen to pass the gallows stone, I shall just take a sight with one eye, And think to myself, you may dangle alone, Who now, sir, 's the fool, you or I? RAZ. (Jumping up). Hark! a shot! (Firing and noise is heard behind the scenes). SPIEGEL. Another! RAZ. And another! The captain! (Voices behind the scenes are heard singing). The Nurnbergers deem it the wisest plan, Never to hang till they've caught their man. Da capo . SCHWEITZER and ROLLER (behind the scenes). Holla, ho! Holla, ho! RAZ. Roller! by all the devils! Roller! SCHWEITZER and ROLLER (still behind the scenes). Razman! Schwarz! Spiegelberg! Razman! RAZ. Roller! Schweitzer! Thunder and lightning! Fire and fury! (They run towards him.) Enter CHARLES VON MOOR (on horseback), SCHWEITZER, ROLLER, GRIMM, SCHUFTERLE, and a troop of ROBBERS covered with dust and mud. CHARLES (leaping from his horse) Liberty! Liberty! - Thou art on terra firma, Roller! Take my horse, Schweitzer, and wash him with wine. (Throws himself on the ground.) That was hot work! RAZ. (to ROLLER). Well, by the fires of Pluto! Art thou risen from the wheel? SCHWARZ. Art thou his ghost? or am I a fool? or art thou really the man? ROLLER (still breathless). The identical - alive - whole. - Where do you think I come from? SCHWARZ. It would puzzle a witch to tell! The staff was already broken over you. ROLLER. Ay, that it was, and more than that! I come straightway from the gallows. Only let me get my breath. Schweitzer will tell you all. Give me a glass of brandy! You there too, Spiegelberg! I thought we should have met again in another place. But give me a glass of brandy! my bones are tumbling to pieces. Oh, my captain! Where is my captain? SCHWARZ. Have patience, man, have patience. Just tell me - say - come, let's hear - how did you escape? In the name of wonder how came we to get you back again? My brain is bewildered. From the gallows, you say? ROLLER (swallows a flask of brandy). Ah, that is capital! that warms the inside! Straight from the gallows, I tell you. You stand there amid stare as if that was impossible. I can assure you, I was not more than three paces from that blessed ladder, on which I was to mount to Abraham's bosom - so near, so very near, that I was sold, skin and all, to the dissecting-room! The fee-simple of my life was not worth a pinch of snuff. To the captain I am indebted for breath, and liberty, and life. SCHWEITZER. It was a trick worth the telling. We had heard the day before, through our spies, that Roller was in the devil's own pickle; and unless the vault of heaven fell in suddenly he would, on the morrow - that is, to-day - go the way of all flesh. Up! says the captain, and follow me - what is not a friend worth? Whether we save him or not, we will at least light him up a funeral pile such as never yet honored royalty; one which shall burn them black and blue. The whole troop was summoned. We sent Roller a trusty messenger, who conveyed the notice to him in a little billet, which he slipped into his porridge. ROLLER. I had but small hope of success. SCHWEITZER. We waited till the thoroughfares were clear. The whole town was out after the sight; equestrians, pedestrians, carriages, all pell-mell; the noise and the gibbet-psalm sounded far and wide. Now, says the captain, light up, light up! We all flew like darts; they set fire to the city in three-and-thirty places at once; threw burning firebrands on the powder-magazine, and into the churches and granaries. Morbleu! in less than a quarter of an hour a northeaster, which, like us, must have owed a grudge to the city, came seasonably to our aid, and helped to lift the flames up to the highest gables. Meanwhile we ran up and down the streets like furies, crying, fire! ho! fire! ho! in every direction. There was such howling - screaming-tumult - fire-bells tolling. And presently the powder-magazine blew up into the air with a crash as if the earth were rent in twain, heaven burst to shivers, and hell sunk ten thousand fathoms deeper. ROLLER. Now my guards looked behind them - there lay the city, like Sodom and Gomorrah - the whole horizon was one mass of fire, brimstone, and smoke; and forty hills echoed and reflected the infernal prank far and wide. A panic seized them all - I take advantage of the moment, and, quick as lightning - my fetters had been taken off, so nearly was my time come - while my guards were looking away petrified, like Lot's wife, I shot off - tore through the crowd - and away! After running some sixty paces I throw off my clothes, plunge into the river, and swim along under water till I think they have lost sight of me. My captain stood ready, with horses and clothes - and here I am. Moor! Moor! I only wish that you may soon get into just such another scrape that I may requite you in like manner. RAZ. A brutal wish, for which you deserve to be hanged. It was a glorious prank, though. ROLLER. It was help in need; you cannot judge of it. You should have marched, like me, with a rope round your neck, travelling to your grave in the living body, and seen their horrid sacramental forms and hangman's ceremonies - and then, at every reluctant step, as the struggling feet were thrust forward, to see the infernal machine, on which I was to be elevated, glaring more and more hideously in the blaze of a noonday sun - and the hangman's rapscallions watching for their prey - and the horrible psalm-singing - the cursed twang still rings in my ears - and the screeching hungry ravens, a whole flight of them, who were hovering over the half-rotten carcass of my predecessor. To see all this - ay, more, to have a foretaste of the blessedness which was in store for me! Brother, brother! And then, all of a sudden, the signal of deliverance. It was an explosion as if the vault of heaven were rent in twain. Hark ye, fellows! I tell you, if a man were to leap out of a fiery furnace into a freezing lake he could not feel the contrast half so strongly as I did when I gained the opposite shore. SPIEGEL. (Laughs.) Poor wretch! Well, you have got over it. (Pledges him). Here's to a happy regeneration! ROLLER (flings away his glass). No, by all the treasures of Mammon, I should not like to go through it a second time. Death is something more than a harlequin's leap, and its terrors are even worse than death itself. SPIEGEL. And the powder-magazine leaping into the air! Don't you see it now, Razman? That was the reason the air stunk so, for miles round, of brimstone, as if the whole wardrobe of Moloch was being aired under the open firmament. It was a master-stroke, captain! I envy you for it. SCHWEITZER. If the town makes it a holiday-treat to see our comrade killed by a baited hog, why the devil should we scruple to sacrifice the city for the rescue of our comrade? And, by the way, our fellows had the extra treat of being able to plunder worse than the old emperor. Tell me, what have you sacked? ONE OF THE TROOP. I crept into St. Stephen's church during the hubbub, and tore the gold lace from the altarcloth. The patron saint, thought I to myself, can make gold lace out of packthread. SCHWEITZER. 'Twas well done. What is the use of such rubbish in a church? They offer it to the Creator, who despises such trumpery, while they leave his creatures to die of hunger. And you, Sprazeler - where did you throw your net? A SECOND. I and Brizal broke into a merchant's store, and have brought stuffs enough with us to serve fifty men. A THIRD. I have filched two gold watches and a dozen silver spoons. SCHWEITZER. Well done, well done! And we have lighted them a bonfire that will take a fortnight to put out again. And, to get rid of the fire, they must ruin the city with water. Do you know, Schufterle, how many lives have been lost? SCHUF. Eighty-three, they say. The powder-magazine alone blew threescore to atoms. CHARLES (very seriously). Roller, thou art dearly bought. SCHUF. Bah! bah! What of that? If they had but been men it would have been another matter - but they were babes in swaddling clothes, and shrivelled old nurses that kept the flies from them, and dried-up stove-squatters who could not crawl to the door - patients whining for the doctor, who, with his stately gravity, was marching to the sport. All that had the use of their legs had gone forth in the sight, and nothing remained at home but the dregs of the city. CHARLES. Alas for the poor creatures! Sick people, sayest thou, old men and infants? SCHUF. Ay, the devil go with them! And lying-in-women into the bargain; and women far gone with child, who were afraid of miscarrying under the gibbet; and young mothers, who thought the sight might do them a mischief, and mark the gallows upon the foreheads of their unborn babes - poor poets, without a shoe, because their only pair had been sent to the cobbler to mend - and other such vermin, not worth the trouble of mentioning. As I chanced to pass by a cottage I heard a great squalling inside. I looked in; and, when I came to examine, what do you think it was? Why, an infant - a plump and ruddy urchin - lying on the floor under a table which was just beginning to burn. Poor little wretch! said I, you will be cold there, and with that I threw it into the flames! CHARLES. Indeed, Schufterle? Then may those flames burn in thy bosom to all eternity! Avaunt, monster! Never let me see thee again in my troop! What! Do you murmur? Do you hesitate? Who dares hesitate when I command? Away with him, I say! And there are others among you ripe for my vengeance. I know thee, Spiegelberg. But I will step in among you ere long, and hold a fearful muster-roll. [Exeunt, trembling.] CHARLES (alone, walking up and down in great agitation). Hear them not, thou avenger in heaven! How can I avert it? Art thou to blame, great God, if thy engines, pestilence, and famine, and floods, overwhelm the just with the unjust? Who can stay the flame, which is kindled to destroy the hornet's nest, from extending to the blessed harvest? Oh! fie on the slaughter of women, and children, and the sick! How this deed weighs me down! It has poisoned my fairest achievements! There he stands, poor fool, abashed and disgraced in the sight of heaven; the boy that presumed to wield Jove's thunder, and overthrew pigmies when he should have crushed Titans. Go, go! 'tis not for thee, puny son of clay, to wield the avenging sword of sovereign justice! Thou didst fail at thy first essay. Here, then, I renounce the audacious scheme. I go to hide myself in some deep cleft of the earth, where no daylight will be witness of my shame. (He is about to fly.) Enter a ROBBER hurriedly. ROBBER. Look out, captain! There is mischief in the wind! Whole detachments of Bohemian cavalry are scouring the forests. That infernal bailiff must have betrayed us. Enter more ROBBERS. 2D ROBBER. Captain! captain! they have tracked us! Some thousands of them are forming a cordon round the middle forest. Enter more ROBBERS again. 3D ROBBER. Woe, woe, woe! we are all taken, hanged drawn, and quartered. Thousands of hussars, dragoons, and chasseurs are mustering on the heights, and guard all the passes. [Exit CHARLES VON MOOR.] Enter SCHWEITZER, GRIMM, ROLLER, SCHWARZ, SCHUFTERLE, SPIEGELBERG, RAZMAN, and the whole troop. SCHWEITZER. Ha! Have we routed them out of their feather-beds at last? Come, be jolly, Roller! I have long wished to have a bout with those knights of the bread-basket. Where is the captain? Is the whole troop assembled? I hope we have powder enough? RAZ. Powder, I believe you; but we are only eighty in all and therefore scarcely one to twenty. SCHWEITZER. So much the better! And though there were fifty against my great toe-nail - fellows who have waited till we lit the straw under their very seats. Brother, brother, there is nothing to fear. They sell their lives for tenpence; and are we not fighting for our necks? We will pour into them like a deluge, and fire volleys upon their heads like crashes of thunder. But where the devil is the captain. SPIEGEL. He forsakes us in this extremity. Is there no hope of escape? SCHWEITZER. Escape? SPIEGEL. Oh, that I had tarried in Jerusalem! SCHWEITZER. I wish you were choked in a cesspool, you paltry coward! With defenceless nuns you are a mighty man; but at sight of a pair of fists a confirmed sneak! Now show your courage or you shall be sewn up alive in an ass's hide and baited to death with dogs. RAZ. The captain! the captain! Enter CHARLES (speaking slowly to himself). CHARLES. I have allowed them to be hemmed in on every side. Now they must fight with the energy of despair. (Aloud.) Now my boys! now for it! We must fight like wounded boars, or we are utterly lost! SCHWEITZER. Ha! I'll rip them open with my tusks, till their entrails protrude by the yard! Lead on, captain! we will follow you into the very jaws of death. CHARLES. Charge all your arms! You've plenty of powder, I hope? SCHWEITZER (with energy). Powder? ay, enough to blow the earth up to the moon. RAZ. Every one of us has five brace of pistols, ready loaded, and three carbines to boot. CHARLES. Good! good! Now some of you must climb up the trees, or conceal yourselves in the thickets, and some fire upon them in ambush - SCHWEITZER. That part will suit you, Spiegelberg. CHARLES. The rest will follow me, and fall upon their flanks like furies. SCHWEITZER. There will I be! CHARLES. At the same time let every man make his whistle ring through the forest, and gallop about in every direction, so that our numbers may appear the more formidable. And let all the dogs be unchained, and set on upon their ranks, that they may be broken and dispersed and run in the way of our fire. We three, Roller, Schweitzer, and myself, will fight wherever the fray is hottest. SCHWEITZER. Masterly! excellent! We will so bewilder them with balls that they shall not know whence the salutes are coming. I have more than once shot away a cherry from the mouth. Only let them come on (SCHUFTERLE is pulling SCHWEITZER; the latter takes the captain aside, and entreats him in a low voice.) CHARLES. Silence! SCHWEITZER. I entreat you - CHARLES. Away! Let him have the benefit of his disgrace; it has saved him. He shall not die on the same field with myself, my Schweitzer, and my Roller. Let him change his apparel, and I will say he is a traveller whom I have plundered. Make yourself easy, Schweitzer. Take my word for it he will be hanged yet. Enter FATHER DOMINIC. FATHER DOM. (to himself, starts). Is this the dragon's nest? With your leave, sirs! I am a servant of the church; and yonder are seventeen hundred men who guard every hair of my head. SCHWEITZER. Bravo! bravo! Well spoken to keep his courage warm. CHARLES. Silence, comrade! Will you tell us briefly, good father, what is your errand here? FATHER Dom. I am delegated by the high justices, on whose sentence hangs life or death - ye thieves - ye incendiaries - ye villains - ye venomous generation of vipers, crawling about in the dark, and stinging in secret - ye refuse of humanity - brood of hell - food for ravens and worms - colonists for the gallows and the wheel - SCHWEITZER. Dog! a truce with your foul tongue! or - - - (He holds the butt-end of his gun before FATHER DOMINIC'S face.) CHARLES. Fie, fie, Schweitzer! You cut the thread of his discourse. He has got his sermon so nicely by heart. Pray go on, Sir! "for the gallows and the wheel?" FATHER Dom. And thou, their precious captain! - commander-in-chief of cut-purses! - king of sharpers! Grand Mogul of all the rogues under the sun! - great prototype of that first hellish ringleader who imbued a thousand legions of innocent angels with the flame of rebellion, and drew them down with him into the bottomless pit of damnation! The agonizing cries of bereaved mothers pursue thy footsteps! Thou drinkest blood like water! and thy murderous knife holds men cheaper than air-bubbles! CHARLES. Very true - exceedingly true! Pray proceed, Sir! FATHER DOM. What do you mean? Very true - exceedingly true! Is that an answer? CHARLES. How, Sir? You were not prepared for that, it seems? Go on - by all means go on. What more were you going to say? FATHER DOM. (heated). Abominable wretch! Avaunt! Does not the blood of a murdered count of the empire cling to thy accursed fingers? Hast thou not, with sacrilegious hands, dared to break into the Lord's sanctuary, and carry off the consecrated vessels of the sanctissimum ? Hast thou not flung firebrands into our godly city, and brought down the powder-magazine upon the heads of devout Christians? (Clasps his hands). Horrible, horrible wickedness! that stinketh in the nostrils of Heaven, and provoketh the day of judgment to burst upon you suddenly! ripe for retribution - rushing headlong to the last trump! CHARLES. Masterly guesses thus far! But now, sir, to the point! What is it that the right worshipful justices wish to convey to me through you? FATHER Dom. What you are not worthy to receive. Look around you, incendiary! As far as your eye can reach you are environed by our horsemen - there is no chance of escape. As surely as cherries grow on these oaks, and peaches on these firs, so surely shall you turn your backs upon these oaks and these firs in safety. CHARLES. Do you hear that, Schweitzer? But go on! FATHER DOM. Hear, then, what mercy and forbearance justice shows towards such miscreants. If you instantly prostrate yourselves in submission and sue for mercy and forgiveness, then severity itself will relent to compassion, and justice be to thee an indulgent mother. She will shut one eye upon your horrible crimes, and be satisfied - only think! - to let you be broken on the wheel. SCHWEITZER. Did you hear that, captain? Shall I throttle this well-trained shepherd's cur till the red blood spurts from every pore? ROLLER. Captain! Fire and fury! Captain! How he bites his lip! Shall I topple this fellow upside down like a ninepin? SCHWEITZER. Mine, mine be the job! Let me kneel to you, captain; let me implore you! I beseech you to grant me the delight of pounding him to a jelly! (FATHER DOMINIC screams.) CHARLES. Touch him not! Let no one lay a finger on him! - (To FATHER DOMINIC, drawing his sword.) Hark ye, sir father! Here stand nine-and-seventy men, of whom I am the captain, and not one of them has been taught to trot at a signal, or learned to dance to the music of artillery; while yonder stand seventeen hundred men grown gray under the musket. But now listen! Thus says Moor, the captain of incendiaries. It is true I have slain a count of the empire, burnt and plundered the church of St. Dominic, flung firebrands into your bigoted city, and brought down the powder-magazine upon the heads of devout Christians. But that is not all, - I have done more. (He holds out his right hand.) Do you observe these four costly rings, one on each finger? Go and report punctually to their worships, on whose sentence hangs life or death what you shall hear and see. This ruby I drew from the finger of a minister, whom I stretched at the feet of his prince, during the chase. He had fawned himself up from the lowest dregs, to be the first favorite; - the ruin of his neighbor was his ladder to greatness - orphans' tears helped him to mount it. This diamond I took from a lord treasurer, who sold offices of honor and trust to the highest bidder, and drove the sorrowing patriot from his door. This opal I wear in honor of a priest of your cloth, whom I dispatched with my own hand, after he had publicly deplored in his pulpit the waning power of the Inquisition. I could tell you more stories about my rings, but that I repent the words I have already wasted upon you - FATHER DOM. O Pharaoh! Pharaoh! CHARLES. Do you hear it? Did you mark that sigh? Does he not stand there as if he were imploring fire from heaven to descend and destroy this troop of Korah? He pronounces judgment with a shrug of the shoulders, and eternal damnation with a Christian "Alas!" Is it possible for humanity to be so utterly blind? He who has the hundred eyes of Argus to spy out the faults of his brother - can he be so totally blind to his own? They thunder forth from their clouds about gentleness and forbearance, while they sacrifice human victims to the God of love as if he were the fiery Moloch. They preach the love of one's neighbor, while they drive the aged and blind with curses from their door. They rave against covetousness; yet for the sake of gold they have depopulated Peru, and yoked the natives, like cattle, to their chariots. They rack their brains in wonder to account for the creation of a Judas Iscariot, yet the best of them would betray the whole Trinity for ten shekels. Out upon you, Pharisees! ye falsifiers of truth! ye apes of Deity! You are not ashamed to kneel before crucifixes and altars; you lacerate your backs with thongs, and mortify your flesh with fasting; and with these pitiful mummeries you think, fools as you are, to veil the eyes of Him whom, with the same breath, you address as the Omniscient, just as the great are the most bitterly mocked by those who flatter them while they pretend to hate flatterers. You boast of your honesty and your exemplary conduct; but the God who sees through your hearts would be wroth with Him that made you, were He not the same that had also created the monsters of the Nile. Away with him out of my sight! FATHER DOM. That such a miscreant should be so proud! CHARLES. That's not all. Now I will speak proudly. Go and tell the right worshipful justices - who set men's lives upon the cast of a die - I am not one of those thieves who conspire with sleep and midnight, and play the hero and the lordling on a scaling-ladder. What I have done I shall no doubt hereafter be doomed to read in the register of heaven; but with his miserable ministers of earth I will waste no more words. Tell your masters that my trade is retribution - vengeance my occupation! (He turns his back upon him.) FATHER DOM. Then you despise mercy and forbearance? - -Be it so, I have done with you. (Turning to the troop.) Now then, sirs, you shall hear what the high powers direct me to make known to you! - If you will instantly deliver up to me this condemned malefactor, bound hand and foot, you shall receive a full pardon - your enormities shall be entirely blotted out, even from memory. The holy church will receive you, like lost sheep, with renewed love, into her maternal bosom, and the road to honorable employment shall be open to you all. (With a triumphant smile.) Now sir! how does your majesty relish this? Come on! bind him! and you are free! CHARLES. Do you hear that? Do you hear it? What startles you? Why do you hesitate? They offer you freedom - you that are already their prisoners. They grant you your lives, and that is no idle pretence, for it is clear you are already condemned felons. They promise you honor and emolument; and, on the other hand, what can you hope for, even should you be victorious to-day, but disgrace, and curses, and persecution? They ensure you the pardon of Heaven; you that are actually damned. There is not a single hair on any of you that is not already bespoke in hell. Do you still hesitate? are you staggered? Is it so difficult, then, to choose between heaven and hell? - Do put in a word, father! FATHER DOM. (aside.) Is the fellow crazy? (Aloud.) Perhaps you are afraid that this is a trap to catch you alive? - Read it yourselves! Here - is the general pardon fully signed. (He hands a paper to SCHWEITZER.) Can you still doubt? CHARLES. Only see! only see! What more can you require? Signed with their own hands! It is mercy beyond all bounds! Or are you afraid of their breaking their word, because you have heard it said that no faith need be kept with traitors? Dismiss that fear! Policy alone would constrain them to keep their word, even though it should merely have been pledged to old Nick. Who hereafter would believe them? How could they trade with it a second time? I would take my oath upon it that they mean it sincerely. They know that I am the man who has goaded you on and incited you; they believe you innocent. They look upon your crimes as so many juvenile errors - exuberances of rashness. It is I alone they want. I must pay the penalty. Is it not so, father? FATHER DOM. What devil incarnate is it that speaks out of him? Of course it is so - of course. The fellow turns my brain. CHARLES. What! no answer yet? Do you think it possible to cut your way through yon phalanx? Only look round you! just look round! You surely do not reckon upon that; that were indeed a childish conceit - Or do you flatter yourselves that you will fall like heroes, because you saw that I rejoiced in the prospect of the fight? Oh, do not console yourself with the thought! You are not MOOR. You are miserable thieves! wretched tools of my great designs! despicable as the rope in the hand of the hangman! No! no! Thieves do not fall like heroes. Life must be the hope of thieves, for something fearful has to follow. Thieves may well be allowed to quake at the fear of death. Hark! Do you hear their horns echoing through the forest? See there! how their glittering sabres threaten! What! are you still irresolute? are you mad? are you insane? It is unpardonable. Do you imagine I shall thank you for my life? I disdain your sacrifice! FATHER DOM. (in utter amazement). I shall go mad! I must be gone! Was the like ever heard of? CHARLES. Or are you afraid that I shall stab myself, and so by suicide put an end to the bargain, which only holds good if I am given up alive? No, comrades! that is a vain fear. Here, I fling away my dagger, and my pistols, and this phial of poison, which might have been a treasure to me. I am so wretched that I have lost the power even over my own life. What! still in suspense? Or do you think, perhaps, that I shall stand on my defence when you try to seize me? See here! I bind my right hand to this oak-branch; now I am quite defenceless, a child may overpower me. Who is the first to desert his captain in the hour of need? ROLLER (with wild energy). And what though hell encircle us with ninefold coils! (Brandishing his sword.) Who is the coward that will betray his captain? SCHWEITZER (tears the pardon and flings the pieces into FATHER DOMINIC'S face). Pardon be in our bullets! Away with thee, rascal! Tell your senate that you could not find a single traitor in all Moor's camp. Huzza! Huzza! Save the captain! ALL (shouting). Huzza! Save the captain! Save him! Save our noble captain! CHARLES (releasing his hand from the tree, joyfully). Now we are free, comrades! I feel a host in this single arm! Death or liberty! At the least they shall not take a man of us alive! [They sound the signal for attack; noise and tumult. Exeunt with drawn swords.] ACT III. SCENE I. - AMELIA in the garden, playing the guitar. Bright as an angel from Walhalla's hall, More beautiful than aught of earth was he! Heaven-mild his look, as sunbeams when they fall, Reflected from a calm cerulean sea. His warm embrace - oh, ravishing delight! With heart to heart the fiery pulses danced - Our every sense wrap'd in ecstatic night - Our souls in blissful harmony entranced. His kisses - oh, what paradise of feeling! E'en as two flames which round each other twine - Or flood of seraph harp-tones gently stealing In one soft swell, away to realms divine! They rushed, commingled, melted, soul in soul! Lips glued to lips, with burning tremor bound! Cold earth dissolved, and love without control Absorbed all sense of worldly things around! He's gone! - forever gone! Alas! in vain My bleeding heart in bitter anguish sighs; To me is left alone this world of pain, And mortal life in hopeless sorrow dies. Enter FRANCIS. FRANCIS. Here again already, perverse enthusiast? You stole away from the festive banquet, and marred the mirthful pleasures of my guests. AMELIA. 'Tis pity, truly, to mar such innocent pleasures! Shame on them! The funeral knell that tolled over your father's grave must still be ringing in your ears - FRANCIS. Wilt thou sorrow, then, forever? Let the dead sleep in peace, and do thou make the living happy! I come - AMELIA. And when do you go again? FRANCIS. Alas! Look not on me thus sorrowfully! You wound me, Amelia. I come to tell you - AMELIA. To tell me, I suppose, that Francis von Moor has become lord and master here. FRANCIS. Precisely so; that is the very subject on which I wish to communicate with you. Maximilian von Moor is gone to the tomb of his ancestors. I am master. But I wish - to be so in the fullest sense, Amelia. You know what you have been to our house always regarded as Moor's daughter, his love for you will survive even death itself; that, assuredly, you will never forget? AMELIA. Never, never! Who could be so unfeeling as to drown the memory of it in festive banqueting? FRANCIS. It is your duty to repay the love of the father to his sons; and Charles is dead. Ha! you are struck with amazement; dizzy with the thought! To be sure 'tis a flattering and an elating prospect which may well overpower the pride of a woman. Francis tramples under foot the hopes of the noblest and the richest, and offers his heart, his hand, and with them all his gold, his castles, and his forests to a poor, and, but for him, destitute orphan. Francis - the feared - voluntarily declares himself Amelia's slave! AMELIA. Why does not a thunderbolt cleave the impious tongue which utters the criminal proposal! Thou hast murdered my beloved Charles; and shall Amelia, his betrothed, call thee husband? Thou? FRANCIS. Be not so violent, most gracious princess! It is true that Francis does not come before you like a whining Celadon - 'tis true he has not learned, like a lovesick swain of Arcadia, to sigh forth his amorous plaints to the echo of caves and rocks. Francis speaks - and, when not answered, commands! AMELIA. Commands? thou reptile! Command me? And what if I laughed your command to scorn? FRANCIS. That you will hardly do. There are means, too, which I know of, admirably adapted to humble the pride of a capricious, stubborn girl - cloisters and walls! AMELIA. Excellent! delightful! to be forever secure within cloisters and walls from thy basilisk look, and to have abundant leisure to think and dream of Charles. Welcome with your cloister! welcome your walls! FRANCIS. Ha! Is that it? Beware! Now you have taught me the art of tormenting you. The sight of me shall, like a fiery-haired fury, drive out of your head these eternal phantasies of Charles. Francis shall be the dread phantom ever lurking behind the image of your beloved, like the fiend-dog that guards the subterranean treasure. I will drag you to church by the hair, and sword in hand wring the nuptial vow from your soul. By main force will I ascend your virginal couch, and storm your haughty modesty with still greater haughtiness. AMELIA (gives him a slap in the face). Then take that first by way of dowry! FRANCIS. Ha! I will be tenfold, and twice tenfold revenged for this! My wife! No, that honor you shall never enjoy. You shall be my mistress, my strumpet! The honest peasant's wife shall point her finger at you as she passes you in the street. Ay, gnash your teeth as fiercely as you please - scatter fire and destruction from your eyes - the fury of a woman piques my fancy - it makes you more beautiful, more tempting. Come, this resistance will garnish my triumph, and your struggles give zest to my embraces. Come, come to my chamber - I burn with desire. Come this instant. (Attempts to drag her away). AMELIA (falls on his neck). Forgive me, Francis! (As he is about to clasp her in his arms, she suddenly draws the sword at his side, and hastily disengages herself). Do you see now, miscreant, how I am able to deal with you? I am only a woman, but a woman enraged. Dare to approach, and this steel shall strike your lascivious heart to the core - the spirit of my uncle will guide my hand. Avaunt, this instant! (She drives him away). Ah! how different I feel! Now I breathe again - I feel strong as the snorting steed, ferocious as the tigress when she springs upon the ruthless destroyer of her cubs. To a cloister, did he say? I thank thee for the happy thought! Now has disappointed love found a place of refuge - the cloister - the Redeemer's bosom is the sanctuary of disappointed love. (She is on the point going). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . In the acting edition the following scene occurs between Herman and Francis, immediately before that with Amelia. As Schiller himself thought this among the happiest of his additions, and regretted that it was "entirely and very unfortunately overlooked in the first edition," it seems desirable to introduce it here as well as the soliloquy immediately following, which has acquired some celebrity. SCENE VIII. Enter HERMANN. FRANCIS. Ha! Welcome, my Euryalus! My prompt and trusty instrument! HERMANN (abruptly and peevishly). You sent for me, count - why? FRANCIS. That you might put the seal to your master-piece. HERMANN (gruffly). Indeed? FRANCIS. Give the picture its finishing touch. HERMANN. Poh! Poh! FRANCIS (startled). Shall I call the carriage? We'll arrange the business during the drive? HERMANN (scornfully). No ceremony, sir, if you please. For any business we may have to arrange there is room enough between these four walls. At all events I'll just say a few words to you by way of preface, which may save your lungs some unnecessary exertion. FRANCIS (reservedly). Hum! And what may those words be? HERMANN (with bitter irony). "You shall have Amelia - and that from my hand - " FRANCIS (with astonishment). Hermann! HERMANN (as before, with his back turned on FRANCIS). "Amelia will become the plaything of my will - and you may easily guess the rest-in short all will go as we wish" (Breaks into an indignant laugh, and then turns haughtily to FRANCIS.) Now, Count von Moor, what have you to say to me? FRANCIS (evasively). To thee? Nothing. I had something to say to Hermann. - HERMANN, No evasion. Why was I sent for hither? Was it to be your dupe a second time! and to hold the ladder for a thief to mount? to sell my soul for a hangman s fee? What else did you want with me? FRANCIS (as if recollecting). Ha! It just occurs to me! We must not forget the main point. Did not my steward mention it to you? I wanted to talk to you about the dowry. HERMANN. This is mere mockery sir; or, if not mockery, something worse. Moor, take care of yourself-beware how you kindle my fury, Moor. We are alone! And I have still an unsullied name to stake against yours! Trust not the devil, although he be of your own raising. FRANCIS (with dignity). Does this deportment become thee towards thy sovereign and gracious master? Tremble, slave! HERMANN (ironically). For fear of your displeasure, I suppose? What signifies your displeasure to a man who is at war with himself? Fie, Moor. I already abhor you as a villain; let me not despise you for a fool. I can open graves, and restore the dead to life! Which of us now is the slave? FRANCIS (in a conciliating tone). Come, my good friend, be discreet, and do not prove faithless. HERMANN. Pshaw! To expose a wretch like you is here the best discretion - to keep faith with you would be an utter want of sense. Faith? with whom? Faith with the prince of liars? Oh, I shudder at the thought of such faith. A very little timely faithlessness would have almost made a saint of me. But patience! patience! Revenge is cunning in resources. FRANCIS. Ah, by-the-by, I just remember. You lately lost a purse with a hundred louis in it, in this apartment. I had almost forgotten it. Here, my good friend! take back what belongs to you. (Offers him a purse). HERMANN (throws it scornfully at his feet). A curse on your Judas bribe! It is the earnest-money of hell. You once before thought to make my poverty a pander to my conscience - but you were mistaken, count! egregiously mistaken. That purse of gold came most opportunely - to maintain certain persons. FRANCIS (terrified). Hermann! Hermann! Let me not suspect certain things of you. Should you have done anything contrary to my instructions - you would be the vilest of traitors! HERMANN (exultingly). Should I? Should I really? Well then count, let me give you a little piece of information! (Significantly.) I will fatten up your infamy, and add fuel to your doom. The book of your misdeeds shall one day be served up as a banquet, and all the world be invited to partake of it. (Contemptuously.) Do you understand me now, my most sovereign, gracious, and excellent master? FRANCIS (starts up, losing all command of himself). Ha! Devil! Deceitful impostor! (Striking his forehead.) To think that I should stake my fortune on the caprice of an idiot! That was madness! (Throws himself, in great excitement, on a couch.) HERMANN (whistles through his fingers). Wheugh! the biter bit! - FRANCIS (biting his lip). But it is true, and ever will be true - that there is no thread so feebly spun, or which snaps asunder so readily, as that which weaves the bands of guilt! - HERMANN. Gently! Gently! Are angels, then, superseded, that devils turn moralists? FRANCIS (starts up abruptly; to HERMANN with a malignant laugh). And certain persons will no doubt acquire much honor by making the discovery? HERMANN (clapping his hands). Masterly! Inimitable! You play your part to admiration! First you lure the credulous fool into the slough, and then chuckle at the success of your malice, and cry "Woe be to you sinner!" (Laughing and clenching his teeth.) Oh, how cleverly these imps off the devil manoeuvre. But, count (clapping him on the shoulder) you have not yet got your lesson quite perfect - by Heavens! You first learn what the losing gamester will hazard. Set fire to the powder-magazine, says the pirate, and blow all to hell - both friend and foe! FRANCIS (runs to the wall, and takes down a pistol). Here is treason! I must be resolute - HERMANN (draws a pistol as quickly from his pocket, and presents it at him). Don't trouble yourself - one must be prepared for everything with you. FRANCIS (lets the pistol fall, and throws himself on the sofa in great confusion). Only keep my council till - till I have collected my thoughts. HERMANN. I suppose till you have hired a dozen assassins to silence my tongue forever! Is it not so! But (in his ear) the secret is committed to paper, which my heirs will publish. [Exit.] SCENE IX. FRANCIS, solus. Francis! Francis! Francis! What is all this? Where was thy courage? where thy once so fertile wit? Woe! Woe! And to be betrayed by thy own instruments! The pillars of my good fortune are tottering to their fall, the fences are broken down, and the raging enemy is already bursting in upon me. Well! this calls for some bold and sudden resolve! What if I went in person - and secretly plunged this sword in his body? A wounded man is but a child. Quick! I'll do it. (He walks with a resolute step to the end of the stage, but stops suddenly as if overcome by sensations of horror). Who are these gliding behind me? (Rolling his eyes fearfully) Faces such as I have never yet beheld. What hideous yells do I hear! I feel that I have courage - courage! oh yes to overflowing! But if a mirror should betray me? or my shadow! or the whistling of the murderous stroke! Ugh! Ugh! How my hair bristles! A shudder creeps through my frame. (He lets a poigniard fall from under his clothes.) I am no coward - perhaps somewhat too tenderhearted. Yes! that is it! These are the last struggles of expiring virtue. I revere them. I should indeed be a monster were I to become the murderer of my own brother. No! no! no! That thought be far from me! Let me cherish this vestige of humanity. I will not murder. Nature, thou hast conquered. I still feel something here that seems like - affection. He shall live. [Exit.] Enter HERMANN, timidly. HERMANN. Lady Amelia! Lady Amelia! AMELIA. Unhappy man! why dost thou disturb me? HERMANN. I must throw this weight from my soul before it drags it down to hell. (Falls down before her.) Pardon! pardon! I have grievously injured you, Lady Amelia! AMELIA. Arise! depart! I will hear nothing. (Going.) HERMANN (detaining her). No; stay! In the name of Heaven! In the name of the Eternal! You must know all! AMELIA. Not another word. I forgive you. Depart in peace. (In the act of going.) HERMANN. Only one word - listen; it will restore all your peace of mind. AMELIA (turning back and looking at him with astonishment). How, friend? Who in heaven or on earth can restore my peace of mind? HERMANN. One word from my lips can do it. Hear me! AMELIA (seizing his hand with compassion). Good sir! Can one word from thy lips burst asunder the portals of eternity? HERMANN. (rising). Charles lives! AMELIA (screaming). Wretch! HERMANN. Even so. And one word more. Your uncle - AMELIA. (rushing upon him). Thou liest! HERMANN. Your uncle - AMELIA. Charles lives? HERMANN. And your uncle - AMELIA. Charles lives? HERMANN. And your uncle too - betray me not! (HERMANN runs off) AMELIA (stands a long while like one petrified; after which she starts up wildly, and rushes after HERMANN.) Charles lives! SCENE II. - Country near the Danube. THE ROBBERS (encamped on a rising ground, under trees, their horses are grazing below.) CHARLES. Here must I lie (throwing himself upon the ground). I feel as if my limbs were all shattered. My tongue is as dry as a potsherd (SCHWEITZER disappears unperceived.) I would ask one of you to bring me a handful of water from that stream, but you are all tired to death. SCHWARZ. Our wine-flasks too are all empty. CHARLES. See how beautiful the harvest looks! The trees are breaking with the weight of their fruit. The vines are full of promise. GRIMM. It is a fruitful year. CHARLES. Do you think so? Then at least one toil in the world will be repaid. One? Yet in the night a hailstorm may come and destroy it all. SCHWARZ. That is very possible. It all may be destroyed an hour before the reaping. CHARLES. Just what I say. All will be destroyed. Why should man prosper in that which he has in common with the ant, while he fails in that which places him on a level with the gods. Or is this the aim and limit of his destiny? SCHWARZ. I know not. CHARLES. Thou hast said well; and wilt have done better, if thou never seekest to know. Brother, I have looked on men, their insect cares and their giant projects, - their god-like plans and mouse-like occupations, their intensely eager race after happiness - one trusting to the fleetness of his horse, - another to the nose of his ass, - a third to his own legs; this checkered lottery of life, in which so many stake their innocence and their leaven to snatch a prize, and, - blanks are all they draw - for they find, too late, that there was no prize in the wheel. It is a drama, brother, enough to bring tears into your eyes, while it shakes your sides with laughter. SCHWARZ. How gloriously the sun is setting yonder! CHARLES (absorbed in the scene). So dies a hero! Worthy of adoration! SCHWARZ. You seem deeply moved. CHARLES. When I, was but a boy - it was my darling thought to live like him, like him to die - (with suppressed grief.) It was a boyish thought! GRIMM. It was, indeed. CHARLES. There was a time - (pressing his hat down upon his face). I would be alone, comrades. SCHWARZ. Moor! Moor! Why, what the deuce! How his color changes. GRIMM. By all the devils! What ails him? Is he ill? CHARLES. There was a time when I could not have slept had I forgotten my evening prayers. GRIMM. Are you beside yourself? Would you let the remembrances of your boyish years school you now? CHARLES (lays his head upon the breast of GRIMM). Brother! Brother! GRIMM. Come! Don't play the child - I pray you CHARLES. Oh that I were-that I were again a child! GRIMM. Fie! fie! SCHWARZ. Cheer up! Behold this smiling landscape - this delicious evening! CHARLES. Yes, friends, this world is very lovely - SCHWARZ. Come, now, that was well said. CHARLES. This earth so glorious! - GRIMM. Right - right - I love to hear you talk thus. CHARLES. (sinking back). And I so hideous in' this lovely world - a monster on this glorious earth! GRIMM. Oh dear! oh dear! CHARLES. My innocence! give me back my innocence! Behold, every living thing is gone forth to bask in the cheering rays of the vernal sun - why must I alone inhale the torments of hell out of the joys of heaven? All are so happy, all so united in brotherly love, by the spirit of peace! The whole world one family, and one Father above - but He not my father! I alone the outcast, I alone rejected from the ranks of the blessed - the sweet name of child is not for me - never for me the soul-thrilling glance of her I love - never, never the bosom friend's embrace - (starting back wildly) - surrounded by murderers - hemmed in by hissing vipers - riveted to vice with iron fetters - whirling headlong on the frail reed of sin to the gulf of perdition - amid the blooming flowers of a glad world, a howling Abaddon! SCHWARZ (to the others). How strange! I never saw him thus before. CHARLES (with melancholy). Oh, that I might return again to my mother's womb. That I might be born a beggar! I should desire no more, - no more, oh heaven! - but that I might be like one of those poor laborers! Oh, I would toil till the blood streamed down my temples - to buy myself the luxury of one guiltless slumber - the blessedness of a single tear. GRIMM (to the others). A little patience - the paroxysm is nearly over. CHARLES. There was a time when my tears flowed so freely. Oh, those days of peace! Dear home of my fathers - ye verdant halcyon vales! O all ye Elysian scenes of my childhood! - will you never return? - will your delicious breezes never cool my burning bosom? Mourn with me, Nature, mourn! They will never return! never will their delicious breezes cool my burning bosom! They are gone! gone! irrevocably gone! Enter SCHWEITZER with water in his hat. SCHWEITZER (offering him water in his hat). Drink, captain; here is plenty of water, and cold as ice. SCHWARZ. You are bleeding! What have you been doing? SCHWEITZER. A bit of a freak, you fool, which had well-nigh cost me two legs and a neck. As I was frolicking along the steep sandbanks of the river, plump, in a moment, the whole concern slid from under me, and I after it, some ten fathoms deep; - there I lay, and, as I was recovering my five senses, lo and behold, the most sparkling water in the gravel! Not so much amiss this time, said I to myself, for the caper I have cut. The captain will be sure to relish a drink. CHARLES (returns him the hat and wipes his face). But you are covered with mud, Schweitzer, and we can't see the scar which the Bohemian horseman marked on your forehead - your water was good, Schweitzer - and those scars become you well. SCHWEITZER. Bah! There's room for a score or two more yet. CHARLES. Yes, boys - it was a hot day's work - and only one man lost. Poor Roller! he died a noble death. A marble monument would be erected to his memory had he died in any other cause than mine. Let this suffice. (He wipes the tears from his eyes.) How many, did you say, of the enemy were left on the field? SCHWEITZER. A hundred and sixty huzzars, ninety-three dragoons, some forty chasseurs - in all about three hundred. CHARLES. Three hundred for one! Every one of you has a claim upon this head. (He bares his head.) By this uplifted dagger! As my Soul liveth, I will never forsake you! SCHWEITZER. Swear not! You do not know but you may yet be happy, and repent your oath. CHARLES. By the ashes of my Roller! I will never forsake you. Enter KOSINSKY. KOSINSKY (aside). Hereabouts, they say, I shall find him. Ha! What faces are these? Should they be - if these - they must be the men! Yes, 'tis they,'tis they! I will accost them. SCHWARZ. Take heed! Who goes there? KOSINSKY. Pardon, sirs. I know not whether I am going right or wrong. CHARLES. Suppose right, whom do you take us to be? KOSINSKY. Men! SCHWEITZER. I wonder, captain, whether we have given any proof of that? KOSINSKY. I am in search of men who can look death in the face, and let danger play around then like a tamed snake; who prize liberty above life or honor; whose very names, hailed by the poor and the oppressed, appal the boldest, and make tyrants tremble. SCHWEITZER (to the Captain). I like that fellow. Hark ye, friend! You have found your men. KOSINSKY. So I should think, and I hope soon to find them brothers. You can direct me to the man I am looking for. 'Tis your captain, the great Count von Moor. SCHWEITZER (taking him warmly by the hand). There's a good lad. You and I must be chums. CHARLES (coming nearer). Do you know the captain? KOSINSKY. Thou art he! - in those features - that air - who can look at thee, and doubt it? (Looks earnestly at him for some time). I have always wished to see the man with the annihilating look, as he sat on the ruins of Carthage.* That wish is realized. *[Alluding to Caius Marius. See Plutarch's Lives.] SCHWEITZER. A mettlesome fellow! - CHARLES. And what brings you to me? KOSINSKY. Oh, captain! my more than cruel fate. I have suffered shipwrecked on the stormy ocean of the world; I have seen all my fondest hopes perish; and nought remains to me but a remembrance of the bitter past, which would drive me to madness, were I not to drown it by directing my energies to new objects. CHARLES. Another arraignment of the ways of Providence! Proceed. KOSINSKY. I became a soldier. Misfortune still followed me in the army. I made a venture to the Indies, and my ship was shivered on the rocks - nothing but frustrated hopes! At last, I heard tell far and wide of your valiant deeds, incendiarisms, as they called them, and I came straightway hither, a distance of thirty leagues, firmly resolved to serve under you, if you will deign to accept my services. I entreat thee, noble captain, refuse me not! SCHWEITZER (with a leap into the air). Hurrah! Hurrah! Our Roller replaced ten hundred-fold! An out-and-out brother cut-throat for our troop. CHARLES. What is your name? KOSINSKY. Kosinsky. CHARLES. What? Kosinsky! And do you know that you are but a thoughtless boy, and are embarking on the most weighty passage of your life as heedlessly as a giddy girl? You will find no playing at bowls or ninepins here, as you probably imagine. KOSINSKY. I understand you, sir. I am,'tis true, but four-and-twenty years old, but I have seen swords glittering, and have heard balls whistling around me. CHARLES. Indeed, young gentleman? And was it for this that you took fencing lessons, to run poor travellers through the body for the sake of a dollar, or stab women in the back? Go! go! You have played truant to your nurse because she shook the rod at you. SCHWEITZER. Why, what the devil, captain! what are you about? Do you mean to turn away such a Hercules? Does he not look as if he could baste Marechal Saxe across the Ganges with a ladle? CHARLES. Because your silly schemes miscarry, you come here to turn rogue and assassin! Murder, boy, do you know the meaning of that word? You may have slumbered in peace after cropping a few poppy-heads, but to have a murder on your soul - KOSINSKY. All the murders you bid me commit be upon my head! CHARLES. What! Are you so nimble-witted? Do you take measure of a man to catch him by flattery? How do you know that I am not haunted by terrific dreams, or that I shall not tremble on my death-bed? - How much have you already done of which you have considered the responsibility? KOSINSKY. Very little, I must confess; excepting this long journey to you, noble count - CHARLES. Has your tutor let the story of Robin Hood - get into your hands? Such careless rascals ought to be sent to the galleys. And has it heated your childish fancy, and infected you with the mania of becoming a hero? Are you thirsting for honor and fame? Would you buy immortality by deeds of incendiarism? Mark me, ambitious youth! No laurel blooms for the incendiary. No triumph awaits the victories of the bandit - nothing but curses, danger, death, disgrace. Do you see the gibbet yonder on the hill? SPIEGEL (going up and down indignantly). Oh, how stupid! How abominably, unpardonably stupid! That's not the way. I went to work in a very different manner. KOSINSKY. What should he fear, who fears not death? CHARLES. Bravo! Capital! You have made good use of your time at school; you have got your Seneca cleverly by heart. But, my good friend, you will not be able with these fine phrases to cajole nature in the hour of suffering; they will never blunt the biting tooth of remorse. Ponder on it well, my son! (Takes him by the hand.) I advise you as a father. First learn the depth of the abyss before you plunge headlong into it. If in this world you can catch a single glimpse of happiness - moments may come when you-awake, - and then - it may be too late. Here you step out as it were beyond the pale of humanity - you must either be more than human or a demon. Once more, my son! if but a single spark of hope glimmer for you elsewhere, fly this fearful compact, where nought but despair enters, unless a higher wisdom has so ordained it. You may deceive yourself - believe me, it is possible to mistake that for strength of mind which in reality is nothing more than despair. Take my counsel! mine! and depart quickly. KOSINSKY. No! I will not stir. If my entreaties fail to move you, hear but the story of my misfortunes. And then you will force the dagger into my hand as eagerly as you now seek to withhold it. Seat yourselves awhile on the grass and listen. CHARLES. I will hear your story. KOSINSKY. Know, then, that I am a Bohemian nobleman. By the early death of my father I became master of large possessions. The scene of my domain was a paradise; for it contained an angel - a maid adorned with all the charms of blooming youth, and chaste as the light of heaven. But to whom do I talk of this? It falls unheeded on your cars - ye never loved, ye were never beloved - SCHWEITZER. Gently, gently! The captain grows red as fire. CHARLES. No more! I'll hear you some other time - to-morrow, - or by-and-by, or - after I have seen blood. KOSINSKY. Blood, blood! Only hear on! Blood will fill your whole soul. She was of citizen birth, a German - but her look dissolved all the prejudices of aristocracy. With blushing modesty she received the bridal ring from my hand, and on the morrow I was to have led my AMELIA to the altar. (CHARLES rises suddenly.) In the midst of my intoxicating dream of happiness, and while our nuptials were preparing, an express summoned me to court. I obeyed the summons. Letters were shown me which I was said to have written, full of treasonable matter. I grew scarlet with indignation at such malice; they deprived me of my sword, thrust me into prison, and all my senses forsook me. SCHWEITZER. And in the meantime - go on! I already scent the game. KOSINSKY. There I lay a whole month, and knew not what was taking place. I was full of anxiety for my Amelia, who I was sure would suffer the pangs of death every moment in apprehension of my fate. At last the prime minister makes his appearance, - congratulates me in honey-sweet words on the establishment of my innocence, - reads to me a warrant of discharge, - and returns me my sword. I flew in triumph to my castle, to the arms of my Amelia, but she had disappeared! She had been carried off, it was said, at midnight, no one knew whither, and no eye had beheld her since. A suspicion instantly flashed across my mind. I rushed to the capital - I made inquiries at court - all eyes were upon me, - no one would give me information. At last I discovered her through a grated window of the palace - she threw me a small billet. SCHWEITZER. Did I not say so? KOSINSKY. Death and destruction! The contents were these! They had given her the choice between seeing me put to death, and becoming the mistress of the prince. In the struggle between honor and love she chose the latter, and (with a bitter smile) I was saved. SCHWEITZER. And what did you do then? KOSINSKY. Then I stood like one transfixed with a thunderbolt! Blood was my first thought, blood my last! Foaming at the mouth, I ran to my quarters, armed myself with a two-edged sword, and, with all haste, rushed to the minister's house, for he - he alone - had been the fiendish pander. They must have observed me in the street, for, as I went up, I found all the doors fastened. I searched, I enquired. He was gone, they said, to the prince. I went straight thither, but nobody there would know anything about him. I return, force the doors, find the base wretch, and was on the point when five or six servants suddenly rushed on me from behind, and wrenched the weapon from my hands. SCHWEITZER (stamping the ground). And so the fellow got off clear, and you lost your labor? KOSINSKY. I was arrested, accused, criminally prosecuted, degraded, and - mark this - transported beyond the frontier, as a special favor. My estates were confiscated to the minister, and Amelia remained in the clutches of the tiger, where she weeps and mourns away her life, while my vengeance must keep a fast, and crouch submissively to the yoke of despotism. SCHWEITZER (rising and whetting his sword). That is grist to our mill, captain! There is something here for the incendiaries! CHARLES (who has been walking up and down in violent agitation, with a sudden start to the ROBBERS). I must see her. Up! collect your baggage - you'll stay with us, Kosinsky! Quick, pack up! THE ROBBERS. Where to? What? CHARLES. Where to? Who asks that question? (Fiercely to SCHWEITZER) Traitor, wouldst thou keep me back? But by the hope for heaven! SCHWEITZER. I, a traitor? Lead on to hell and I will follow you! CHARLES (falling on his neck). Dear brother! thou shalt follow me. She weeps, she mourns away her life. Up! quickly! all of you! to Franconia! In a week we must be there. [Exeunt.] ACT IV. SCENE I. - Rural scenery in the neighborhood of CHARLES VON MOOR'S castle. CHARLES VON MOOR, KOSINSKY, at a distance. CHARLES. Go forward, and announce me. You remember what you have to say? KOSINSKY. You are Count Brand, you come from Mecklenburg. I am your groom. Do not fear, I shall take care to play my part. Farewell! [Exit.] CHARLES. Hail to thee, Earth of my Fatherland (kisses the earth.) Heaven of my Fatherland! Sun of my Fatherland! Ye meadows and hills, ye streams and woods! Hail, hail to ye all! How deliciously the breezes are wafted from my native hills? What streams of balmy perfume greet the poor fugitive! Elysium! Realms of poetry! Stay, Moor, thy foot has strayed into a holy temple. (Comes nearer.) See there! the old swallow-nests in the castle yard! - -and the little garden-gate! - and this corner of the fence where I so often watched in ambuscade to teaze old Towzer! - and down there in the green valley, where, as the great Alexander, I led my Macedonians to the battle of Arbela; and the grassy hillock yonder, from which I hurled the Persian satrap - and then waved on high my victorious banner! (He smiles.) The golden age of boyhood lives again in the soul of the outcast. I was then so happy, so wholly, so cloudlessly happy - and now - behold all my prospects a wreck! Here should I have presided, a great, a noble, an honored man - here have - lived over again the years of boyhood in the blooming - children of my Amelia - here! - here have been the idol of my people - but the foul fiend opposed it (Starting.) Why am I here? To feel like the captive when the clanking of his chains awakes him from his dream of liberty. No, let me return to my wretchedness! The captive had forgotten the light of day, but the dream of liberty flashes past his eyes like a blaze of lightning in the night, which leaves it darker than before. Farewell, ye native vales! once ye saw Charles as a boy, and then Charles was happy. Now ye have seen the man his happiness turned to despair! (He moves rapidly towards the most distant point of the landscape, where he suddenly stops and casts a melancholy look across to the castle.) Not to behold her! not even one look? - and only a wall between me and Amelia! No! see her I must! - and him too! - though it crush me! (He turns back.) Father! father! thy son approaches. Away with thee, black, reeking gore! Away with that grim, ghastly look of death! Oh, give me but this one hour free! Amelia! Father! thy Charles approaches! (He goes quickly towards the castle.) Torment me when the morning dawns - give me no rest with the coming night - beset me in frightful dreams! But, oh! poison not this my only hour of bliss! (He is standing at the gate.) What is it I feel? What means this, Moor? Be a man! These death-like shudders - foreboding terrors. [Enters.] SCENE II.* - Gallery in the Castle. *[In some editions this is the third scene, and there is no second.] Enter CHARLES VON MOOR, AMELIA. AMELIA. And are you sure that you should know his portrait among these pictures? CHARLES. Oh, most certainly! his image has always been fresh in my memory. (Passing along thee pictures.) This is not it. AMELIA. You are right! He was the first count, and received his patent of nobility from Frederic Barbarossa, to whom he rendered some service against the corsairs. CHARLES (still reviewing the pictures). Neither is it this - nor this - nor that - it is not among these at all. AMELIA. Nay! look more attentively! I thought you knew him. CHARLES. As well as my own father! This picture wants the sweet expression around the mouth, which distinguished him from among a thousand. It is not he. AMELIA. You surprise me. What! not seen him for eighteen years, and still - CHARLES (quickly, with a hectic blush). Yes, this is he! (He stands as if struck by lightning.) AMELIA. An excellent man! CHARLES (absorbed in the contemplation of the picture). Father! father! forgive me! Yes, an excellent man! (He wipes his eyes.) A godlike man! AMELIA. You seem to take a deep interest in him. CHARLES. Oh, an excellent man! And he is gone, you say! AMELIA. Gone! as our best joys perish. (Gently taking him by the hand.) Dear Sir, no happiness ripens in this world. CHARLES. Most true, most true! And have you already proved this truth by sad experience? You, who can scarcely yet have seen your twenty-third year? AMELIA. Yes, alas, I have proved it. Whatever lives, lives to die in sorrow. We engage our hearts, and grasp after the things of this world, only to undergo the pang of losing them. CHARLES. What can you have lost, and yet so young? AMELIA. Nothing - everything - nothing. Shall we go on, count?* *[In the acting edition is added - "MOOR. And would you learn forgetfulness in that holy garb there? (Pointing to a nun's habit.) "AMELIA. To-morrow I hope to do so. Shall we continue our walk, sir?"] CHARLES. In such haste? Whose portrait is that on the right? There is an unhappy look about that countenance, methinks. AMELIA. That portrait on the left is the son of the count, the present count. Come, let us pass on! CHARLES. But this portrait on the right? AMELIA. Will you not continue your walk, Sir? CHARLES. But this portrait on the right hand? You are in tears, Amelia? [Exit AMELIA, in precipitation.] CHARLES. She loves me, she loves me! Her whole being began to rebel, and the traitor tears rolled down her cheeks. She loves me! Wretch, hast thou deserved this at her hands? Stand I not here like a condemned criminal before the fatal block? Is this the couch on which we so often sat - where I have hung in rapture on her neck? Are these my ancestral halls? (Overcome by the sight of his father's portrait.) Thou - thou - Flames of fire darting from thine eyes - His curse - His curse - He disowns me - Where am I? My sight grows dim - Horrors of the living God - 'Twas I, 'twas I that killed my father! [He rushes off] Enter FRANCIS VON MOOR, in deep thought. FRANCIS. Away with that image! Away with it! Craven heart! Why dost thou tremble, and before whom? Have I not felt, during the few hours that the count has been within these walls as if a spy from hell were gliding at my heels. Methinks I should know him! There is something so lofty, so familiar, in his wild, sunburnt features, which makes me tremble. Amelia, too, is not indifferent towards him! Does she not dart eager, languishing looks at the fellow looks of which she is so chary to all the world beside? Did I not see her drop those stealthy tears into the wine, which, behind my back, he quaffed so eagerly that he seemed to swallow the very glass? Yes, I saw it - I saw it in the mirror with my own eyes. Take care, Francis! Look about you! Some destruction-brooding monster is lurking beneath all this! (He stops, with a searching look, before the portrait of CHARLES.) His long, crane-like neck - his black, fire-sparkling eyes - hem! hem! - his dark, overhanging, bushy eyebrows. (Suddenly starting back.) Malicious hell! dost thou send me this suspicion? It is Charles! Yes, all his features are reviving before me. It is he! despite his mask! it is he! Death and damnation! (Goes up and down with agitated steps.) Is it for this that I have sacrificed my nights - that I have mowed down mountains and filled up chasms? For this that I have turned rebel against all the instincts of humanity? To have this vagabond outcast blunder in at last, and destroy all my cunningly devised fabric. But gently! gently! What remains to be done is but child's play. Have I not already waded up to my very ears in mortal sin? Seeing how far the shore lies behind me, it would be madness to attempt to swim back. To return is now out of the question. Grace itself would be beggared, and infinite mercy become bankrupt, were they to be responsible for all my liabilities. Then onward like a man. (He rings the bell.) Let him be gathered to the spirit of his father, and now come on! For the dead I care not! Daniel! Ho! Daniel! I'd wager a trifle they have already inveigled him too into the plot against me! He looks so full of mystery! Enter DANIEL. DANIEL. What is your pleasure, my master? FRANCIS. Nothing. Go, fill this goblet with wine, and quickly! (Exit DANIEL.) Wait a little, old man! I shall find you out! I will fix my eye upon you so keenly that your stricken conscience shall betray itself through your mask! He shall die! He is but a sorry bungler who leaves his work half finished, and then looks on idly, trusting to chance for what may come of it. Enter DANIEL, with the wine. Bring it here! Look me steadfastly in the face! How your knees knock together! How you tremble! Confess, old man! what have you been doing? DANIEL. Nothing, my honored master, by heaven and my poor soul! FRANCIS. Drink this wine! What? you hesitate? Out with it quickly! What have you put into the wine? DANIEL. Heaven help me! What! I in the wine? FRANCIS. You have poisoned it! Are you not as white as snow? Confess, confess! Who gave it you? The count? Is it not so? The count gave it you? DANIEL. The count? Jesu Maria! The count has not given me anything. FRANCIS (grasping him tight). I will throttle you till you are black in the face, you hoary-headed liar! Nothing? Why, then, are you so often closeted together? He, and you, and Amelia? And what are you always whispering about? Out with it! What secrets, eh? What secrets has he confided to you? DANIEL. I call the Almighty to witness that he has not confided any secrets to me. FRANCIS. Do you mean to deny it? What schemes have you been hatching to get rid of me? Am I to be smothered in my sleep? or is my throat to be cut in shaving? or am I to be poisoned in wine or chocolate? Eh? Out with it, out with it! Or am I to have my quietus administered in my soup? Out with it! I know it all! DANIEL. May heaven so help me in the hour of need as I now tell you the truth, and nothing but the pure, unvarnished truth! FRANCIS. Well, this time I will forgive you. But the money! he most certainly put money into your purse? And he pressed your hand more warmly than is customary? something in the manner of an old acquaintance? DANIEL. Never, indeed, Sir. FRANCIS. He told you, for instance, that he had known you before? that you ought to know him? that the scales would some day fall from your eyes? that - what? Do you mean to say that he never spoke thus to you? DANIEL. Not a word of the kind. FRANCIS. That certain circumstances restrained him - that one must sometimes wear a mask in order to get at one's enemies - that he would be revenged, most terribly revenged? DANIEL. Not a syllable of all this. FRANCIS. What? Nothing at all? Recollect yourself. That he knew the old count well - most intimately - that he loved him - loved him exceedingly - loved him like a son! DANIEL. Something of that sort I remember to have heard him say. FRANCIS (turning pale). Did he say so? did he really? How? let me hear! He said he was my brother? DANIEL (astonished). What, my master? He did not say that. But as Lady Amelia was conducting him through the gallery - I was just dusting the picture frames - he suddenly stood still before the portrait of my late master, and seemed thunderstruck. Lady Amelia pointed it out, and said, "An excellent man!" "Yes, a most excellent man!" he replied, wiping a tear from his eye. FRANCIS. Hark, Daniel! You know I have ever been a kind master to you; I have given you food and raiment, and have spared you labor in consideration of your advanced age. DANIEL. For which may heaven reward you! and I, on my part, have always served you faithfully. FRANCIS. That is just what I was going to say. You have never in all your life contradicted me; for you know much too well that you owe me obedience in all things, whatever I may require of you. DANIEL. In all things with all my heart, so it be not against God and my conscience. FRANCIS. Stuff! nonsense! Are you not ashamed of yourself? An old man, and believe that Christmas tale! Go, Daniel! that was a stupid remark. You know that I am your master. It is on me that God and conscience will be avenged, if, indeed, there be a God and a conscience. DANIEL (clasping his hands together). Merciful Heaven! FRANCIS. By your obedience! Do you understand that word? By your obedience, I command you. With to-morrow's dawn the count must no longer be found among the living. DANIEL. Merciful Heaven! and wherefore? FRANCIS. By your blind obedience! I shall rely upon you implicitly. DANIEL. On me? May the Blessed Virgin have mercy on me! On me? What evil, then, have I, an old man, done! FRANCIS. There is no time now for reflection; your fate is in my hands. Would you rather pine away the remainder of your days in the deepest of my dungeons, where hunger shall compel you to gnaw your own bones, and burning thirst make you suck your own blood? Or would you rather eat your bread in peace, and have rest in your old age? DANIEL. What, my lord! Peace and rest in my old age? And I a murderer? FRANCIS. Answer my question! DANIEL. My gray hairs! my gray hairs! FRANCIS. Yes or no! DANIEL. No! God have mercy upon me! FRANCIS (in the act of going). Very well! you shall have need of it. (DANIEL detains him and falls on his knees before him.) DANIEL. Mercy, master! mercy! FRANCIS. Yes or no! DANIEL. Most gracious master! I am this day seventy-one years of age! and have honored my father and my mother, and, to the best of my knowledge, have never in the whole course of my life defrauded any one to the value of a farthing, - and I have adhered to my creed truly and honestly, and have served in your house four-and-forty years, and am now calmly awaiting a quiet, happy end. Oh, master! master! (violently clasping his knees) and would you deprive me of my only solace in death, that the gnawing worm of an evil conscience may cheat me of my last prayer? that I may go to my long home an abomination in the sight of God and man? No, no! my dearest, best, most excellent, most gracious master! you do not ask that of an old man turned threescore and ten! FRANCIS. Yes or no! What is the use of all this palaver? DANIEL. I will serve you from this day forward more diligently than ever; I will wear out my old bones in your service like a common day-laborer; I will rise earlier and lie down later. Oh, and I will remember you in my prayers night and morning; and God will not reject the prayer of an old man. FRANCIS. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Did you ever hear of the hangman standing upon ceremony when he was told to execute a sentence? DANIEL. That is very true? but to murder an innocent man - one - FRANCIS. Am I responsible to you? Is the axe to question the hangman why he strikes this way and not that? But see how forbearing I am. I offer you a reward for performing what you owe me in virtue of your allegiance. DANIEL. But, when I swore allegiance to you, I at least hoped that I should be allowed to remain a Christian. FRANCIS. No contradiction! Look you! I give you the whole day to think about it! Ponder well on it. Happiness or misery. Do you hear - do you understand? The extreme of happiness or the extreme of misery! I can do wonders in the way of torture. DANIEL (after some reflection). I'll do it; I will do it to-morrow. [Exit.] FRANCIS. The temptation is strong, and I should think he was not born to die a martyr to his faith. Have with you, sir count! According to all ordinary calculations, you will sup to-morrow with old Beelzebub. In these matters all depends upon one's view of a thing; and he is a fool who takes any view that is contrary to his own interest. A father quaffs perhaps a bottle of wine more than ordinary - he is in a certain mood - the result is a human being, the last thing that was thought of in the affair. Well, I, too, am in a certain mood, - and the result is that a human being perishes; and surely there is more of reason and purpose in this than there was in his production. If the birth of a man is the result of an animal paroxysm, who should take it into his head to attach any importance to the negation of his birth? A curse upon the folly of our nurses and teachers, who fill our imaginations with frightful tales, and impress fearful images of punishment upon the plastic brain of childhood, so that involuntary shudders shake the limbs of the man with icy fear, arrest his boldest resolutions, and chain his awakening reason in the fetters of superstitious darkness. Murder! What a hell full of furies hovers around that word. Yet 'tis no more than if nature forgets to bring forth one man more or the doctor makes a mistake - and thus the whole phantasmagoria vanishes. It was something, and it is nothing. Does not this amount to exactly the same thing as though it had been nothing, and came to nothing; and about nothing it is hardly worth while to waste a word. Man is made of filth, and for a time wades in filth, and produces filth, and sinks back into filth, till at last he fouls the boots of his own posterity.* *["To what base uses we may return, Horatio! why, may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander, till we find it stopping a bunghole?" - HAMLET, Act v, Sc. 1.] That is the burden of the song - the filthy cycle of human fate; and with that - a pleasant journey to you, sir brother! Conscience, that splenetic, gouty moralist, may drive shrivelled old drones out of brothels, and torture usurers on their deathbeds - with me it shall never more have audience. [Exit.] SCENE III. - Another Room in the Castle. CHARLES VON MOOR enters from one side, DANIEL from the other. CHARLES (hastily). Where is Lady Amelia? DANIEL. Honored sir! permit an old man to ask you a favor. CHARLES. It is granted. What is it you ask? DANIEL. Not much, and yet all - but little, and yet a great deal. Suffer me to kiss your hand! CHARLES. That I cannot permit, good old man (embraces him), from one whom I should like to call my father. DANIEL. Your hand, your hand! I beseech you. CHARLES. That must not be. DANIEL. It must! (He takes hold of it, surveys it quickly, and falls down before him.) Dear, dearest Charles! CHARLES (startled; he composes himself, and says in a distant tone). What mean you, my friend? I don't understand you. DANIEL. Yes, you may deny it, you may dissemble as much as you please? 'Tis very well! very well. For all that you are my dearest, my excellent young master. Good Heaven! that I, poor old man, should live to have the joy - what a stupid blockhead was I that I did not at a glance - oh, gracious powers! And you are really come back, and the dear old master is underground, and here you are again! What a purblind dolt I was, to be sure! (striking his forehead) that I did not on the instant - Oh, dear me! - -who could have dreamt it - What I have so often prayed for with tears - Oh, mercy me! There he stands again, as large as life, in the old room! CHARLES. What's all this oration about? Are you in a fit of delirium, and have escaped from your keepers; or are you rehearsing a stage-player's part with me? DANIEL. Oh, fie! fie! It is not pretty of you to make game of an old servant. That scar! Eh! do you remember it? Good Heaven! what a fright you put me into - I always loved you so dearly; and what misery you might have brought upon me. You were sitting in my lap - do you remember? there in the round chamber. Has all that quite vanished from your memory - and the cuckoo, too, that you were so fond of listening to? Only think! the cuckoo is broken, broken all to shivers - old Susan smashed it in sweeping the room - yes, indeed, and there you sat in my lap, and cried, "Cockhorse!" and I ran off to fetch your wooden horse - mercy on me! what business had I, thoughtless old fool, to leave you alone - and how I felt as if I were in a boiling caldron when I heard you screaming in the passage; and, when I rushed in, there was your red blood gushing forth, and you lying on the ground. Oh, by the Blessed Virgin! did I not feel as if a bucket of icy cold water was emptied all over me? - but so it happens, unless one keeps all one's eyes upon children. Good Heaven! if it had gone into your eye! Unfortunately it happened to be the right hand. "As long as I live," said I, "never again shall any child in my charge get hold of a knife or scissors, or any other edge tool." 'Twas lucky for me that both my master and mistress were gone on a journey. "Yes, yes! this shall be a warning to me for the rest of my life," said I - Gemini, Gemini! I might have lost my place, I might - God forgive you, you naughty boy - but, thank Heaven! it healed fairly, all but that ugly scar. CHARLES. I do not comprehend one word of all that you are talking about. DANIEL. Eh? eh? that was the time! was it not? How many a ginger-cake, and biscuit, and macaroon, have I slipped into your bands - I was always so fond of you. And do you recollect what you said to me down in the stable, when I put you upon old master's hunter, and let you scamper round the great meadow? "Daniel!" said you, "only wait till I am grown a big man, and you shall be my steward, and ride in the coach with me." "Yes," said I, laughing, "if heaven grants me life and health, and you are not ashamed of the old man," I said, "I shall ask you to let me have the little house down in the village, that has stood empty so long; and then I will lay in a few butts of good wine, and turn publican in my old age." Yes, you may laugh, you may laugh! Eh, young gentleman, have you quite forgotten all that? You do not want to remember the old man, so you carry yourself strange and loftily; - but, you are my jewel of a young master, for all that. You have, it is true, been a little bit wild - don't be angry! - as young blood is apt to be! All may be well yet in the end. CHARLES (falls on his neck). Yes! Daniel! I will no longer hide it from you! I am your Charles, your lost Charles! And now tell me, how does my Amelia? DANIEL (begins to cry). That I, old sinner, should live to have this happiness - and my late blessed master wept so long in vain! Begone, begone, hoary old head! Ye weary bones, descend into the grave with joy! My lord and master lives! my own eyes have beheld him! CHARLES. And he will keep his promise to you. Take that, honest graybeard, for the old hunter (forces a heavy purse upon him). I have not forgotten the old man. DANIEL. How? What are you doing? Too much! You have made a mistake. CHARLES. No mistake, Daniel! (DANIEL is about to throw himself on his knees before him.) Rise! Tell me, how does my Amelia? DANIEL. Heaven reward you! Heaven reward you! O gracious me! Your Amelia will never survive it, she will die for joy? CHARLES (eagerly). She has not forgotten me then? DANIEL. Forgotten you? How can you talk thus? Forgotten you, indeed! You should have been there, you should have seen how she took on, when the news came of your death, which his honor caused to be spread abroad - CHARLES. What do you say? my brother - DANIEL. Yes, your brother; his honor, your brother - another day I will tell you more about it, when we have time - and how cleverly she sent him about his business when he came a wooing every blessed day, and offered to make her his countess. Oh, I must go; I must go and tell her; carry her the news (is about to run of). CHARLES. Stay! stay! she must not know - nobody must know, not even my brother! DANIEL. Your brother? No, on no account; he must not know it! Certainly not! If he know not already more than he ought to know. Oh, I can tell you, there are wicked men, wicked brothers, wicked masters; but I would not for all my master's gold be a wicked servant. His honor thought you were dead. CHARLES. Humph! What are you muttering about? DANIEL (in a half-suppressed voice). And to be sure when a man rises from the dead thus uninvited - your brother was the sole heir of our late master! CHARLES. Old man! what is it you are muttering between your teeth, as if some dreadful secret were hovering on your tongue which you fear to utter, and yet ought? Out with it! DANIEL. But I would rather gnaw my old bones with hunger, and suck my own blood for thirst, than gain a life of luxury by murder. [Exit hastily.] CHARLES (starting up, after a terrible pause). Betrayed! Betrayed! It flashes upon my soul like lightning! A fiendish trick! A murderer and a robber through fiend-like machinations! Calumniated by him! My letters falsified, suppressed! his heart full of love! Oh, what a monstrous fool was I! His fatherly heart full of love! oh, villainy, villainy! It would have cost me but once kneeling at his feet - a tear would have done it - oh blind, blind fool that I was! (running up against the wall). I might have been happy - oh villainy, villainy! Knavishly, yes, knavishly cheated out of all happiness in this life! (He runs up and down in a rage.) A murderer, a robber, all through a knavish trick! He was not even angry! Not a thought of cursing ever entered his heart. Oh, miscreant! inconceivable, hypocritical, abominable miscreant! Enter KOSINSKY. KOSINSKY. Well, captain, where are you loitering? What is the matter? You are for staying here some time longer, I perceive? CHARLES. Up! Saddle the horses! Before sunset we must be over the frontier! KOSINSKY. You are joking. CHARLES (in a commanding tone). Quick! quick! delay not! leave every thing behind! and let no eye see you! (Exit KOSINSKY.) I fly from these walls. The least delay might drive me raving road; and he my father's son! Brother! brother! thou hast made me the most miserable wretch on earth; I never injured thee; this was not brotherly. Reap the fruits of thy crime in quiet, my presence shall no longer embitter thy enjoyment - but, surely, this was not acting like a brother. May oblivion shroud thy misdeed forever, and death not bring it back to light. Enter KOSINSKY. KOSINSKY. The horses are ready saddled, you can mount as soon as you please. CHARLES. Why in such haste? Why so urgent? Shall I see her no more? KOSINSKY. I will take off the bridles again, if you wish it; you bade me hasten head over heels. CHARLES. One more farewell! one more! I must drain this poisoned cup of happiness to the dregs, and then - Stay, Kosinsky! Ten minutes more - behind, in the castle yard - and we gallop off. Scene IV. - In the Garden. AMELIA. "You are in tears, Amelia!" These were his very words - and spoken with such expressionsuch a voice! - oh, it summoned up a thousand dear remembrances! - scenes of past delight, as in my youthful days of happiness, my golden spring-tide of love. The nightingale sung with the same sweetness, the flowers breathed the same delicious fragrance, as when I used to hang enraptured on his neck.* *[Here, in the acting edition, is added, 'Assuredly, if the spirits of the departed wander among the living, then must this stranger be Charles's angel!'] Ha! false, perfidious heart! And dost thou seek thus artfully to veil thy perjury? No, no! begone forever from my soul, thou sinful image! I have not broken my oath, thou only one! Avaunt, from my soul, ye treacherous impious wishes! In the heart where Charles reigns no son of earth may dwell. But why, my soul, dost thou thus constantly, thus obstinately turn towards this stranger? Does he not cling to my heart in the very image of my only one! Is he not his inseparable companion in my thoughts? "You are in tears, Amelia?" Ha! let me fly from him! - - fly! - never more shall my eyes behold this stranger! [CHARLES opens the garden gate.] AMELIA (starting). Hark! hark! did I not hear the gate creak? (She perceives CHARLES and starts up.) He? - whither? - what? I am rooted to the spot, - I can not fly! Forsake me not, good Heaven! No! thou shalt not tear me from my Charles! My soul has no room for two deities, I am but a mortal maid! (She draws the picture of CHARLES from her bosom.) Thou, my Charles! be thou my guardian angel against this stranger, this invader of our loves! At thee will I look, at thee, nor turn away my eyes - nor cast one sinful look towards him! (She sits silent, her eyes fixed upon the picture.) CHARLES. You here, Lady Amelia? - and so sad? and a tear upon that picture? (AMELIA gives him no answer.) And who is the happy man for whom these silver drops fall from an angel's eyes? May I be permitted to look at - (He endeavors to look at the picture.) AMELIA. No - yes - no! CHARLES (starting back). Ha - and does he deserve to be so idolized? Does he deserve it? AMELIA. Had you but known him! CHARLES. I should have envied him. AMELIA. Adored, you mean. CHARLES. Ha! AMELIA. Oh, you would so have loved him? - -there was so much, so much in his face - in his eyes - in the tone of his voice, - which was so like yours - that I love so dearly! (CHARLES casts his eyes down to the ground.) Here, where you are standing, he has stood a thousand times - and by his side, one who, by his side, forgot heaven and earth. Here his eyes feasted on nature's most glorious panorama, - which, as if conscious of his approving glance, seemed to increase in beauty under the approbation of her masterpiece. Here he held the audience of the air captive with his heavenly music. Here, from this bush, he plucked roses, and plucked those roses for me. Here, here, he lay on my neck; here he imprinted burning kisses on my lips, and the flowers hung their heads with pleasure beneath the foot-tread of the lovers.* *[In the acting edition the scene changes materially at this point, and the most sentimental part of the whole drama is transformed into the most voluptuous. The stage direction here is, - (They give way to their transports without control, and mingle their kisses. MOOR hangs in ecstacy on her lips, while she sinks half delirious on the couch.) O Charles! now avenge thyself; my vow is broken. MOOR (tearing himself away from her, as if in frenzy). Can this be hell that still pursues me! (Gazing on her.) I felt so happy! AMELIA (perceiving the ring upon her finger, starts up from the couch). What! Art thou still there - on that guilty hand? Witness of my perjury. Away with thee! (She pulls the ring from her finger and gives it to CHARLES.) Take it - take it, beloved seducer! and with it what I hold most sacred - take my all - my Charles! (She falls back upon the couch.) MOOR (changes color). O thou Most High! was this thy almighty will? It is the very ring I gave her in pledge of our mutual faith. Hell be the grave of love! She has returned my ring. AMELIA (terrified). Heavens! What is the matter? Your eyes roll wildly, and your lips are pale as death! Ah! woe is me. And are the pleasures of thy crime so soon forgotten? MOOR (suppressing his emotion). 'Tis nothing! Nothing! (Raising his eyes to heaven.) I am still a man! (He takes of his own ring and puts it on AMELIA'S finger.) In return take this! sweet fury of my heart! And with it what I hold most sacred - take my all - my Amelia! AMELIA (starting up). Your Amelia! MOOR (mournfully). Oh, she was such a lovely maiden, and faithful as an angel. When we parted we exchanged rings, and vowed eternal constancy. She heard that I was dead - believed it - yet remained constant to the dead. She heard again that I was living - yet became faithless to the living. I flew into her arms - was happy as - the blest in Paradise. Think what my heart was doomed to feel, Amelia! She gave me back my ring - she took her own. AMELIA (her eyes fixed on the earth in amazement). 'Tis strange, most strange! 'Tis horrible! MOOR. Ay, strange and horrible! My child, there is much - ay, much for man to learn ere his poor intellect can fathom the decrees of Him who smiles at human vows and weeps at human projects. My Amelia is an unfortunate maiden! AMELIA. Unfortunate! Because she rejected you? MOOR. Unfortunate. Because she embraced the man she betrayed. AMELIA (with melancholy tenderness). Oh, then, she is indeed unfortunate! From my soul I pity her! She shall be my sister. But there is another and a better world."] CHARLES. He is no more? AMELIA. He sails on troubled seas - Amelia's love sails with him. He wanders through pathless, sandy deserts - Amelia's love clothes the burning sand with verdure, and the barren shrubs with flowers. Southern suits scorch his bare head, northern snows pinch his feet, tempestuous hail beats down on his temples, but Amelia's love lulls him to sleep in the midst of the storm. Seas, and mountains, and skies, divide the lovers - but their souls rise above this prison-house of clay, and meet in the paradise of love. You appear sad, count! CHARLES. These words of love rekindle my love. AMELIA (pale). What? You love another? Alas! what have I said? CHARLES. She believed me dead, and in my supposed death she remained faithful to me - she heard again that I was alive, and she sacrificed for me the crown of a saint. She knows that I am wandering in deserts, and roaming about in misery, yet her love follows me on wings through deserts and through misery. Her name, too, like yours, is Amelia. AMELIA. How I envy your Amelia! CHARLES. Oh, she is an unhappy maid. Her love is fixed upon one who is lost - and it can never - never be rewarded. AMELIA. Say not so! It will be rewarded in heaven. Is it not agreed that there is a better world, where mourners rejoice, and where lovers meet again? CHARLES. Yes, a world where the veil is lifted - where the phantom love will make terrible discoveries - Eternity is its name. My Amelia is an unhappy maid. AMELIA. Unhappy, and loves you?* *[In the acting edition the scene closes with a different denouement. Amelia here says, "Are all unhappy who live with you, and bear the name of Amelia. "CHARLES. Yes, all - when they think they embrace an angel, and find in their arms - a murderer. Alas, for my Amelia! She is indeed unfortunate. "AMELIA (with an expression of deep affliction). Oh, I must weep for her. "CHARLES (grasping her hand, and pointing to the ring). Weep for thyself. "AMELIA (recognizing the ring). Charles! Charles! O heaven and earth! (She sinks fainting; the scene closes.)"] CHARLES. Unhappy, because she loves me! What if I were a murderer? How, Lady Amelia, if your lover could reckon you up a murder for every one of your kisses? Woe to my Amelia! She is an unhappy maid. AMELIA (gayly rising). Ha! What a happy maid am I! My only one is a reflection of Deity, and Deity is mercy and compassion! He could not bear to see a fly suffer. His soul is as far from every thought of blood as the sun is from the moon. (CHARLES suddenly turns away into a thicket, and looks wildly out into the landscape. AMELIA sings, playing the guitar.) Oh! Hector, wilt thou go forevermore, Where fierce Achilles, on the blood-stained shore, Heaps countless victims o'er Patroclus' grave? Who then thy hapless orphan boy will rear, Teach him to praise the gods and hurl the spear, When thou art swallowed up in Xanthus' wave? CHARLES (silently tunes the guitar, and plays). Beloved wife! - stern duty calls to arms Go, fetch my lance! and cease those vain alarms! [He flings the guitar away, and rushes off.] SCENE V. - A neighboring forest. Night. An old ruined castle in the centre of the scene. The band of ROBBERS encamped on the ground. The ROBBERS singing. To rob, to kill, to wench, to fight, Our pastime is, and daily sport; The gibbet claims us morn and night, So let's be jolly, time is short. A merry life we lead, and free, A life of endless fun; Our couch is 'neath the greenwood tree, Through wind and storm we gain our fee, The moon we make our sun. Old Mercury is our patron true, And a capital chap for helping us through. To-day we make the abbot our host, The farmer rich to-morrow; And where we shall get our next day's roast, Gives us nor care nor sorrow. And, when with Rhenish and rare Moselle Our throats we have been oiling, Our courage burns with a fiercer swell, And we're hand and glove with the Lord of Hell, Who down in his flames is broiling. For fathers slain the orphans' cries, The widowed mothers' moan and wail, Of brides bereaved the whimpering sighs, Like music sweet, our ears regale. Beneath the axe to see them writhe, Bellow like calves, fall dead like flies; Such bonny sights, and sounds so blithe, With rapture fill our eats and eyes. And when at last our death-knell rings - The devil take that hour! Payment in full the hangman brings, And off the stage we scour. On the road a glass of good liquor or so, Then hip! hip! hip! and away we go! SCHWEITZER. The night is far advanced, and the captain has not yet returned. RAZ. And yet he promised to be back before the clock struck eight. SCHWEITZER. Should any harm have befallen him, comrades, wouldn't we kindle fires! ay, and murder sucking babes? SPIEGEL. (takes RAZMANN aside). A word in your ear, Razmann! SCHWARZ (to GRIMM). Should we not send out scouts? GRIMM. Let him alone. He no doubt has some feat in hand that will put us to shame. SCHWEITZER. Then you are out, by old Harry! He did not part from us like one that had any masterpiece of roguery in view. Have you forgotten what he said as he marched us across the heath? "The fellow that takes so much as a turnip out of a field, if I know it, leaves his head behind him, as true as my name is Moor." We dare not plunder. RAZ. (aside to SPIEGELBERG). What are you driving at? Speak plainer. SPIEGEL. Hush! hush! I know not what sort of a notion you and I have of liberty, that we should toil under the yoke like bullocks, while we are making such wonderful fine speeches about independence. I like it not. SCHWEITZER (to GRIMM). What crotchet has that swaggering booby got in his numskull, I wonder? RAZ. (aside to SPIEGELBERG). Is it the captain you mean? - SPIEGEL. Hush! I tell you; hush! He has got his eavesdroppers all around us. Captain, did you say? Who made him captain over us? Has he not, in fact, usurped that title, which by right belongs to me? What? Is it for this that we stake our lives - that we endure all the splenetic caprices of fortunes - that we may in the end congratulate ourselves upon being the serfs of a slave? Serfs! When we might be princes? By heaven! Razmann, I could never brook it. SCHWEITZER (overhearing him - to the others). Yes - there's a hero for you! He is just the man to do mighty execution upon frogs with stones. The very breath of his nostrils, when he sneezes, would blow you through the eye of a needle. SPIEGEL. (to RAZMANN). Yes - and for years I have been intent upon it. There must be an alteration, Razmann. If you are the man I always took you for - Razmann! He is missing - he is almost given up - Razmann - methinks his hour is come. What? does not the color so much as mount to your cheek when you hear the chimes of liberty ringing in your ears? Have you not courage enough to take the hint? RAZ. Ha! Satan! What bait art thou spreading for my soul? SPIEGEL. Does it take? Good! then follow me! I have marked in what direction he slunk off. Come along! a brace of pistols seldom fail; and then - we shall be the first to strangle sucking babes. (He endeavors to draw him of.) SCHWEITZER (enraged, draws his sword). Ha! caitiff! I have overheard you! You remind me, at the right moment, of the Bohemian forest! Were not you the coward that began to quail when the cry arose, "the enemy is coming!" I then swore by my soul - (They fight, SPIEGELBERG is killed.) To the devil with thee, assassin! ROBBERS (in agitation). Murder! murder! - Schweitzer! - Spiegelberg! - Part them! SCHWEITZER (throwing the sword on the body). There let him rot! Be still, my comrades! Don't let such a trifle disturb you. The brute has always been inveterate against the captain and has not a single scar on his whole body. Once more, be still. Ha, the scoundrel! He would stab a man behind his back - skulk and murder! Is it for this that the hot sweat has poured down us in streams? that we may sneak out of the world at last like contemptible wretches? The brute! Is it for this that we have lived in fire and brimstone? To perish at last like rats? GRIMM. But what the devil, comrade, were you after? What were you quarreling about? The captain will be furious. SCHWEITZER. Be that on my head. And you, wretch (to RAZMANN) you were his accomplice, you! Get out of my sight! Schufterle was another of your kidney, but he has met his deserts in Switzerland - has been hanged, as the captain prophesied. (A shot is heard.) SCHWARZ (jumping up). Hark! a pistol shot! (Another shot is heard.) Another! Hallo! the captain! GRIMM. Patience! If it be he, there will be a third. (The third shot is heard.) SCHWARZ. 'Tis he! 'Tis the captain! Absent yourself awhile, Schweitzer - till we explain to him! (They fire.) Enter CHARLES VON MOOR and KOSINSKY. SCHWEITZER (running to meet them). Welcome, captain. I have been somewhat choleric in your absence. (He conducts him to the corpse.) Be you judge between him and me. He meant to waylay and assassinate you. ROBBERS (in consternation). What; the captain? CHARLES (after fixing his eyes for some time upon the corpse, with a sudden burst of feeling). Oh, incomprehensible finger of the avenging Nemesis! Was it not he whose siren song seduced me to be what I am? Let this sword be consecrated to the dark goddess of retribution! That was not thy deed, Schweitzer. SCHWEITZER. By heaven, it was mine, though! and, as the devil lives, it is not the worst deed I have done in my time. (Turns away moodily.) CHARLES (absorbed in thought). I comprehend - Great Ruler in heaven - I comprehend. The leaves fall from the trees, and my autumn is come. Remove this object from my sight! (The corpse of SPIEGELBERG is carried out.) GRIMM. Give us your orders, captain! What shall we do next? CHARLES. Soon - very soon - all will be accomplished. Hand me my lute; I have lost myself since I have been there. My lute, I say - I must nurse up my strength again. Leave me! ROBBERS. 'Tis midnight, captain. CHARLES. They were only stage tears after all. Let me bring to memory the song of the old Roman, that my slumbering genius may wake up again. Hand me my lute. Midnight, say you? SCHWARZ. Yes, and past, too! Our eyes are as heavy as lead. For three days we have not slept a wink. CHARLES. What? does balmy sleep visit the eyes of murderers? Why doth it flee mine? I never was a coward, nor a villain. Lay yourselves to rest. At day-break we march. ROBBERS. Good night, captain. (They stretch them selves on the ground and fall asleep.) Profound silence. CHARLES VON MOOR takes up his guitar, and plays. BRUTUS. Oh, be ye welcome, realms of peace and rest! Receive the last of all the sons of Rome! From dread Philippi's field, where all the best Fell bleeding in her cause, I wearied come. Cassius, no more! And Rome now prostrate laid! My brethren all lie weltering in their gore! No refuge left but Hades' gloomy shade; No hope remains! - No world for Brutus more! CAESAR. Who's he that, with a hero's lofty bearing, Comes striding o'er yon mountain's rocky bed? Unless my eyes deceive, that noble daring Bespeaks the Roman warrior's fearless tread. Whence, son of Tiber, do thy footsteps bend! Say, stands the seven-billed city firmly yet? No Caesar there, to be the soldiers friend! Full oft has he that orphaned city wept. BRUTUS. Ha! thou of three-and-twenty wounds! Avaunt! Thou unblest shade, what calls thee back to light? Down with thee, down, to Pluto's deepest haunt, And shroud thy form in black, eternal night, Proud mourner! triumph not to learn our fall! Phillippi's altars reek with freedom's blood? The bier of Brutus is Rome's funeral pall; He Minos seeks. Hence to thy Stygian flood! CAESAR. That death-stroke, Brutus, which thy weapon hurled! Thou, too, Brutus? - that thou shouldst be my foe! Oh, son! It was thy father! Son! The world Was thine by heritage! Now proudly go, Well mayst thou claim to be the chief in glory, 'Twas thy fell sword that pierced thy father's heart! Now go - and at yon gates relate thy story - Say Brutus claims to be the chief in glory, 'Twas his fell sword that pierced his father's heart! Go - Now thou'rt told what staid me on this shore, Grim ferryman, push off, and swiftly ply thine oar. BRUTUS. Stay, father, stay! Within the whole bright round Of Sol's diurnal course I knew but one Who to compare with Caesar could be found; And that one, Caesar, thou didst call thy son! 'Twas only Caesar could destroy a Rome; Brutus alone that Caesar could withstand - Where Brutus lives, must Caesar die! Thy home Be far from mine. I'll seek another land. [He lays down his guitar, and walks to and fro in deep meditation.] Who will give me certainty! All is so dark - a confused labyrinth - no outlet - no guiding star. Were but all to end with this last gasp of breath. To end, like an empty puppet-show. But why then this burning thirst after happiness? Wherefore this ideal of unattained perfection? This looking to an hereafter for the fulfilment of our hopes? If the paltry pressure of this paltry thing (putting a pistol to his head) makes the wise man and the fool - the coward and the brave - the noble and the villain equal? - the harmony which pervades the inanimate world is so divinely perfect - why, then, should there be such discord in the intellectual? No! no! there must be something beyond, for I have not yet attained to happiness. Think ye that I will tremble, spirits of my slaughtered victims? No, I will not tremble. (Trembling violently.) The shrieks of your dying agonies - your black, convulsive features - your ghastly bleeding wounds - what are they all but links of one indissoluble chain of destiny, which hung upon the temperament of my father, the life's blood of my mother, the humors of my nurses and tutors, and even upon the holiday pastimes of my childhood! (Shaking with horror.) Why has my Perillus made of me a brazen bull, whose burning entrails yearn after human flesh? (He lifts the pistol again to his head.) Time and Eternity! - linked together by a single instant! Fearful key, which locks behind me the prisonhouse of life, and opens before me the habitations of eternal night - tell me - oh, tell me - whither - whither wilt thou lead me? Strange, unexplored land! Humanity is unnerved at the fearful thought, the elasticity of our finite nature is paralyzed, and fancy, that wanton ape of the senses, juggles our credulity with appalling phantoms. No! no! a man must be firm. Be what thou wilt, thou undefined futurity, so I remain but true to myself. Be what thou wilt, so I but take this inward self hence with me. External forms are but the trappings of the man. My heaven and my hell is within. What if Thou shouldst doom me to be sole inhabitant of some burnt-out world which thou hast banished from thy sight, where darkness and never-ending desolation were all my prospect; then would my creative brain people the silent waste with its own images, and I should have eternity for leisure to unravel the complicated picture of universal wretchedness. Or wilt thou make me pass through ever-repeated births and ever-changing scenes of misery, stage by stage* - to annihilation? [This and other passages will remind the reader of Cato's soliloquy "It must be so, Plato; thou reasonest well." But the whole bears a strong resemblance to Hamlet's "To be or not to be;" and some passages in Measure for Measure, Act iii, Sc. 1.] Can I not burst asunder the life-threads woven for me in another world as easily as I do these? Thou mayest reduce me into nothing; but Thou canst not take from me this power. (He loads the pistol, and then suddenly pauses.) And shall I then rush into death from a coward fear of the ills of life? Shall I yield to misery the palm of victory over myself? No! I will endure it! (He flings the pistol away.) Misery shall blunt its edge against my pride! Be my destiny fulfilled! (It grows darker and darker.) HERMANN (coming through the forest). Hark! hark! the owl screeches horribly - the village clock strikes twelve. Well, well - villainy is asleep - no listeners in these wilds. (He goes to the castle and knocks.) Come forth, thou man of sorrow! tenant of the miserable dungeon! thy meal awaits thee. CHARLES (stepping gently back, unperceived). What means this? VOICE (from within the castle). Who knocks? Is it you, Hermann, my raven? HERMANN. Yes, 'tis Hermann, your raven. Come to the grating and eat. (Owls are screeching.) Your night companions make a horrid noise, old man! Do you relish your repast? VOICE. Yes - I was very hungry. Thanks to thee, thou merciful sender of ravens, for this thy bread in the wilderness! And how is my dear child, Hermann? HERMANN. Hush! - hark! - A noise like snoring! Don't you hear something? VOICE. What? Do you hear anything? HERMANN. 'Tis the whistling of the wind through the crannies of the tower - a serenading which makes one's teeth chatter, and one's nails turn blue. Hark! tis there again. I still fancy I hear snoring. You have company, old man. Ugh! ugh! ugh! VOICE. Do you see anything? HERMANN. Farewell! farewell! this is a fearful place. Go down into your bole, - thy deliverer, thy avenger is above. Oh! accursed son! (Is about to fly.) CHARLES (stepping forth with horror). Stand! HERMANN (screaming). Oh, me!* *[In the acting edition Hermann, instead of this, says, - 'Tis one of his spies for certain, I have lost all fear (draws his sword). Villain, defend yourself! You have a man before you.] MOOR. I'll have an answer (strikes the sword out of his hand). What boots this childish sword-play? Didst thou not speak of vengeance? Vengeance belongs especially to me - of all men on earth. Who dares interfere with my vocation? HERMANN (starts back in affright). By heaven! That man was not born of woman. His touch withers like the stroke of death. VOICE. Alas, Hermann! to whom are you speaking? MOOR. What! still those sounds? What is going on there? (Runs towards the tower.) Some horrible mystery, no doubt, lies concealed in that tower. This sword shall bring it to light. HERMANN (comes forward trembling). Terrible stranger! art thou the demon of this fearful desert - or perhaps 'one of the ministers of that unfathonable retribution who make their circuit in this lower world, and take account of all the deeds of darkness? Oh! if thou art, be welcome to this tower of horrors! MOOR. Well guessed, wanderer of the night! You have divined my function. Exterminating Angel is my name; but I am flesh and blood like thee. Is this some miserable wretch, cast out of men, and buried in this dungeon? I will loosen his chains. Once more, speak! thou voice of terror Where is the door? HERMANN. As soon could Satan force the gates of heaven as thou that door. Retire, thou man of might! The genius of the wicked is beyond the ordinary powers of man. MOOR. But not the craft of robbers. (He takes some pass-keys from his pocket.) For once I thank heaven I've learned that craft! These keys would mock hell's foresight. (He takes a key, and opens the gate of the tower. An old man comes from below emaciated like a skeleton. MOOR springs back with of right.) Horrible spectre! my father! CHARLES. Stand! I say. HERMANN. Woe! woe! woe! now all is discovered! CHARLES. Speak! Who art thou? What brought thee here? Speak! HERMANN. Mercy, mercy! gracious sir! Hear but one word before you kill me. CHARLES (drawing his sword). What am I to hear? HERMANN. 'Tis true, he forbade me at the peril of my life - but I could not help it - I dare not do otherwise - a God in heaven - your own venerable father there - pity for him overcame me. Kill me, if you will! CHARLES. There's some mystery here - Out with it! Speak! I must know all. VOICE (from the castle). Woe! woe! Is it you, Hermann, that are speaking? To whom are you speaking, Hermann? CHARLES. Some one else down there? What is the meaning of all this? (Runs towards the castle.) It is some prisoner whom mankind have cast off! I will loosen his chains. Voice! Speak! Where is the door? HERMANN. Oh, have mercy, sir - seek no further, I entreat - for mercy's sake desist! (He stops his way.) CHARLES. Locks, bolts, and bars, away! It must come out. Now, for the first time, come to my aid, thief-craft! (He opens the grated iron door with, housebreaking tools. An OLD MAN, reduced to a skeleton, comes up from below.) THE OLD MAN. Mercy on a poor wretch! Mercy! CHARLES (starts back in terror). That is my father's voice! OLD MOOR. I thank thee, merciful Heaven! The hour of deliverance has arrived. CHARLES. Shade of the aged Moor! what has disturbed thee in thy grave? Has thy soul left this earth charged with some foul crime that bars the gates of Paradise against thee? Say? - I will have masses read, to send thy wandering spirit to its home. Hast thou buried in the earth the gold of widows and orphans, that thou art driven to wander howling through the midnight hour? I will snatch the hidden treasure from the clutches of the infernal dragon, though he should vomit a thousand redhot flames upon me, and gnash his sharp teeth against my sword. Or comest thou, at my request, to reveal to me the mysteries of eternity? Speak, thou! speak! I am not the man to blanch with fear! OLD MOOR. I am not a spirit. Touch me - I live but oh! a life indeed of misery! CHARLES. What! hast thou not been buried? OLD MOOR. I was buried - that is to say, a dead dog lies in the vault of my ancestors, and I have been pining for three long moons in this dark and loathsome dungeon, where no sunbeam shines, no warm breeze penetrates, where no friend is seen, where the hoarse raven croaks and owls screech their midnight concert. CHARLES. Heaven and earth! Who has done this? OLD MOOR. Curse him not! 'Tis my son, Francis, who did this. CHARLES. Francis? Francis? Oh, eternal chaos! OLD MOOR. If thou art a man, and hast a human heart - oh! my unknown deliverer - then listen to a father's miseries which his own sons have heaped upon him. For three long moons I have moaned my pitiful tale to these flinty walls - but all my answer was an empty echo, that seemed to mock my wailings. Therefore, if thou art a man, and hast a human heart - CHARLES. That appeal might move even wild beasts to pity. OLD MOOR. I lay upon a sick bed, and had scarcely begun to recover a little strength, after a dangerous illness, when a man was brought to me, who pretended that my first-born had fallen in battle. He brought a sword stained with his blood, and his last farewell - and said that my curse had driven him into battle, and death, and despair. CHARLES (turning away in violent agitation). The light breaks in upon me! OLD MOOR. Hear me on! I fainted at the dreadful news. They must have thought me dead; for, when I recovered my senses, I was already in my coffin, shrouded like a corpse. I scratched against the lid. It was opened - 'twas in the dead of night - my son Francis stood before me - "What!" said he, with a tremendous voice, "wilt thou then live forever?" - and with this he slammed-to the lid of the coffin. The thunder of these words bereft me of my senses; when I awoke again, I felt that the coffin was in motion, and being borne on wheels. At last it was opened - I found myself at the entrance of this dungeon - my son stood before me, and the man, too, who had brought me the bloody sword from Charles. I fell at my son's feet, and ten times I embraced his knees, and wept, and conjured, and supplicated, but the supplications of a father reached not his flinty heart. "Down with the old carcass!" said he, with a voice of thunder, "he has lived too long;" - and I was thrust down without mercy, and my son Francis closed the door upon Me. CHARLES. Impossible! - impossible! Your memory or senses deceive you. OLD MOOR. Oh, that it were so! But hear me on, and restrain your rage! There I lay for twenty hours, and not a soul cared for my misery. No human footstep treads this solitary wild, for 'tis commonly believed that the ghosts of my ancestors drag clanking chains through these ruins, and chant their funeral dirge at the hour of midnight. At last I heard the door creak again on its hinges; this man opened it, and brought me bread and water. He told me that I had been condemned to die of hunger, and that his life was in danger should it be discovered that he fed me. Thus has my miserable existence been till now sustained - but the unceasing cold - the foul air of my filthy dungeon - my incurable grief - have exhausted my strength, and reduced my body to a skeleton. A thousand times have I implored heaven, with tears, to put an end to my sufferings - but doubtless the measure of my punishment is not fulfilled, - or some happiness must be yet in store for me, for which he deigns thus miraculously to preserve me. But I suffer justly - my Charles! my Charles! - and before there was even a gray hair on his Head! CHARLES. Enough! Rise! ye stocks, ye lumps of ice! ye lazy unfeeling sleepers! Up! will none of you awake? (He fires a pistol over their heads.) THE ROBBERS (starting up). Ho! hallo! hallo! what is the matter? CHARLES. Has not that tale shaken you out of your sleep? 'Tis enough to break the sleep eternal! See here, see here! The laws of the world have become mere dice-play; the bonds of nature are burst asunder; the Demon of Discord has broken loose, and stalks abroad triumphant! the Son has slain his Father! THE ROBBERS. What does the captain say? CHARLES. Slain! did I say? No, that is too mild a term! A son has a thousand-fold broken his own father on the wheel, - impaled, racked, flayed him alive! - but all these words are too feeble to express what would make sin itself blush and cannibals shudder. For ages, no devil ever conceived a deed so horrible. His own father! - but see, see him! he has fainted away! His own father - the son - into this dungeon - cold - naked - hungry - athirst - Oh! see, I pray you, see! - 'tis my own father, in very truth it is. THE ROBBERS (come running and surround the old man). Your father? Yours? SCHWEITZER (approaches him reverently, and falls on his knees before him). Father of my captain! let me kiss thy feet! My dagger is at thy command. CHARLES. Revenge, revenge, revenge! thou horribly injured, profaned old man! Thus, from this moment, and forever, I rend in twain all ties of fraternity. (He rends his garment from top to bottom.) Here, in the face of heaven, I curse him - curse every drop of blood which flows in his veins! Hear me, O moon and stars! and thou black canopy of night, that lookest down upon this horror! Hear me, thrice terrible avenger. Thou who reignest above yon pallid orb, who sittest an avenger and a judge above the stars, and dartest thy fiery bolts through darkness on the head of guilt! Behold me on my knees behold me raise this hand aloft in the gloom of night - and hear my oath - and may nature vomit me forth as some horrible abortion from out the circle of her works if I break that oath! Here I swear that I will never more greet the light of day, till the blood of that foul parricide, spilt upon this stone, reeks in misty vapor towards heaven. (He rises.) ROBBERS. 'Tis a deed of hell! After this, who shall call us villains? No! by all the dragons of darkness we never have done anything half so horrible. CHARLES. True! and by all the fearful groans of those whom your daggers have despatched - of those who on that terrible day were consumed by fire, or crushed by the falling tower - no thought of murder or rapine shall be harbored in your breast, till every man among you has dyed his garments scarlet in this monster's blood. It never, I should think, entered your dreams, that it would fall to your lot to execute the great decrees of heaven? The tangled web of our destiny is unravelled! To-day, to-day, an invisible power has ennobled our craft! Worship Him who has called you to this high destiny, who has conducted you hither, and deemed ye worthy to be the terrible angels of his inscrutable judgments! Uncover your heads! Bow down and kiss the dust, and rise up sanctified. (They kneel.) SCHWEITZER. Now, captain, issue your commands! What shall we do? CHARLES. Rise, Schweitzer! and touch these sacred locks! (Leading him to his father, and putting a lock of hair in his hand.) Do you remember still, how you, cleft the skull of that Bohemian trooper, at the moment his sabre was descending on my head, and I had sunk down on my knees, breathless and exhausted? 'Twas then I promised thee a reward that should be right royal. But to this hour I have never been able to discharge that debt. SCHWEITZER. You swore that much to me, 'tis true; but let me call you my debtor forever! CHARLES. No; now will I repay thee, Schweitzer! No mortal has yet been honored as thou shalt be. I appoint thee avenger of my father's wrongs! (SCHWEITZER rises.) SCHWEITZER. Mighty captain! this day you have, for the first time, made me truly proud! Say, when, where, how shall I smite him? CHARLES. The minutes are sacred. You must hasten to the work. Choose the best of the band, and lead them straight to the count's castle! Drag him from his bed, though he sleep, or he folded in the arms of pleasure! Drag him from the table, though he be drunk! Tear him from the crucifix, though he lie on his knees before it! But mark my words - I charge thee, deliver him into my hands alive! I will hew that man to pieces, and feed the hungry vultures with his flesh, who dares but graze his skin, or injure a single hair of his head! I must have him whole. Bring him to me whole and alive, and a million shall be thy reward. I'll plunder kings at the risk of my life, but thou shalt have it, and go free as air. Thou hast my purpose - see it done! SCHWEITZER. Enough, captain! here is my hand upon it. You shall see both of us, or neither. Come, Schweitzer's destroying angels, follow me! (Exit with a troop.) CHARLES. The rest of you disperse in the forest - I remain here. ACT V. SCENE I. A vista of rooms. Dark night. Enter DANIEL, with a lantern and a bundle. DANIEL. Farewell, dear home! How many happy days have I enjoyed within these walls, while my old master lived. Tears to thy memory, thou whom the grave has long since devoured! He deserves this tribute from an old servant. His roof was the asylum of orphans, the refuge of the destitute, but this son has made it a den of murderers. Farewell, thou dear floor! How often has old Daniel scrubbed thee! Farewell, dear stove, old Daniel takes a heavy leave of thee. All things had grown so familiar to thee, - thou wilt feel it sorely, old Eleazar. But heaven preserve me through grace from the wiles and assault of the tempter. Empty I came hither - empty I will depart, - but my soul is saved! (He is in the act of going out, when he is met by FRANCIS, rushing in, in his dressing-gown.) Heaven help me! Master! (He puts out his lantern.) FRANCIS. Betrayed! betrayed! The spirit of the dead are vomited from their graves. The realm of death, shaken out of its eternal slumber, roars at me, "Murderer, murderer!" Who moves there? DANIEL (frightened). Help, holy Virgin! help! Is it you, my gracious master, whose shrieks echo so terribly through the castle that every one is aroused out of his sleep? FRANCIS. Sleep? And who gave thee leave to sleep? Go, get lights! (Exit DANIEL. Enter another servant.) No one shall sleep at this hour. Do you hear? All shall be awake - in arms - let the guns be loaded! Did you not see them rushing through yon vaulted passages? SERVANT. See whom, my lord? FRANCIS. Whom? you dolt, slave! And do you, with a cold and vacant stare, ask me whom? Have they not beset me almost to madness? Whom? blockhead! whom? Ghosts and demons! How far is the night advanced? SERVANT. The watch has just called two. FRANCIS. What? will this eternal night last till doomsday? Did you hear no tumult near? no shout of victory? no trampling of horses? Where is Char - the Count, I would say? SERVANT. I know not, my lord. FRANCIS. You know not? And are you too one of his gang? I'll tread your villain's heart out through your ribs for that infernal "I know not!" Begone, fetch the minister! SERVANT. My lord! FRANCIS. What! Do you grumble? Do you demur? (Exit servant hastily.) Do my very slaves conspire against me? Heaven, earth, and hell - all conspire against me! DANIEL (returns with a lighted candle). My lord! FRANCIS. Who said I trembled? No! - 'twas but a dream. The dead still rest in their graves! Tremble! or pale? No, no! I am calm - quite tranquil. DANIEL. You are as pale as death, my lord; your voice is weak and faltering. FRANCIS. I am somewhat feverish. When the minister comes be sure you say I am in a fever. Say that I intend to be bled in the morning. DANIEL. Shall I give you some drops of the balsam of life on sugar? FRANCIS. Yes, balsam of life on sugar! The minister will not be here just yet. My voice is weak and faltering. Give me of the balsam of life on sugar! DANIEL. Let me have the keys, I will go down to the closet and get it. FRANCIS. No! no! no! Stay! - or I will go with you. You see I must not be left alone! How easily I might, you see - faint - if I should be left alone. Never mind, never mind! It will pass off - you must not leave me. DANIEL. Indeed, Sir, you are ill, very ill. FRANCIS. Yes, just so, just so, nothing more. And illness, you know, bewilders the brain, and breeds strange and maddening dreams. What signify dreams? Dreams come from the stomach and cannot signify anything. Is it not so, Daniel? I had a very comical dream just now. (He sinks down fainting.) DANIEL. Oh, merciful heaven! what is this? George! - Conrad! Sebastian! Martin! Give but some sign of life! (Shaking him.) Oh, the Blessed Virgin! Oh, Joseph! Keep but your reason! They will say I have murdered him! Lord have mercy upon me! FRANCIS (confused). Avaunt! - avaunt! - why dost thou glare upon me thus, thou horrible spectre? The time for the resurrection of the dead is not yet come. DANIEL. Merciful heavens! he has lost his senses. FRANCIS (recovering himself gradually). Where am I? You here, Daniel? What have I said? Heed it not. I have told a lie, whatever I said. Come, help me up! 'T was only a fit of delirium - because - because - I have not finished my night's rest. DANIEL. If John were but here! I'll call for help - I'll send for the physician. FRANCIS. Stay! Seat yourself by my side on this sofa! There. You are a sensible man, a good man. Listen to my dream! DANIEL. Not now; another time! Let me lead you to bed; you have great need of rest. FRANCIS. No, no; I prythee, listen, Daniel, and have a good laugh at me. You must know I fancied that I held a princely banquet, my heart was merry, and I lay stretched on the turf in the castle garden; and all on a sudden - it was at midday - and all on a sudden - but mind you have a good laugh at me! DANIEL. All on a sudden. FRANCIS. All on a sudden a tremendous peal of thunder struck upon my slumbering ear; I started up staggering and trembling; and lo, it seemed as if the whole hemisphere had burst forth in one flaming sheet of fire, and mountains, and cities, and forests melted away like wax in the furnace; and then rose a howling whirlwind, which swept before it the earth, and the sea, and heaven; then came a sound, as from brazen trumpets, "Earth, give up thy dead: sea, give up thy dead!" and the open plains began to heave, and to cast up skulls, and ribs, and jawbones, and legs, which drew together into human bodies, and then came sweeping along in dense, interminable masses - a living deluge. Then I looked up, and to! I stood at the foot of the thundering Sinai, and above me was a multitude, and below me a multitude; and on the summit of the mountain, on three smoking thrones, sat three men, before whose gaze all creation trembled. DANIEL. Why, this is a living picture of the day of judgment. FRANCIS. Did I not tell you? Is it not ridiculous stuff? And one stepped forth who, to look upon, was like a starlight night; he had in his hand a signet ring of iron, which he held up between the east and the west, and said, "Eternal, holy, just, immutable! There is but one truth; there is but one virtue! Woe, woe, woe! to the doubting sinner!" Then stepped forth a second, who had in his hand a flashing mirror, which he held up between the east and west, and said, "This is the mirror of truth; hypocrisy and deceit cannot look on it." Then was I terrified, and so were all, for we saw the forms of snakes, and tigers, and leopards reflected from that fearful mirror. Then stepped forth a third, who had in his hand a brazen balance, which he held up between the east and the west, and said, "Approach, ye sons of Adam! I weigh your thoughts in the balance of my wrath! and your deeds with the weight of my fury!" DANIEL. The Lord have mercy upon me! FRANCIS. They all stood pale and trembling, and every heart was panting with fearful expectation. Then it seemed to me as if I heard my name called the first from out the thunders of the mountain, and the innermost marrow froze within my bones, and my teeth chattered loudly. Presently the clang of the balance was heard, the rocks sent forth thunders, and the hours glided by, one after the other, towards the left scale, and each threw into it a mortal sin! DANIEL. Oh, may God forgive you! FRANCIS. He forgave me not! The left scale grew mountains high, but the other, filled with the blood of atonement, still outweighed it. At last came an old man, heavily bowed down with grief, his arm gnawed through with raging hunger. Every eye turned away in horror from the sight. I knew the man - he cut off a lock of his silver hair, and cast it into the scale of my sins, when to! in an instant, it sank down to the abyss, and the scale of atonement flew up on high. Then heard I a voice, issuing like thunder from the bowels *[Some editions of the original read Rauch (smoke), some Bauch, as translated.] of the mountain, "Pardon, pardon to every sinner of the earth and of the deep! Thou alone art rejected!" (A profound pause.) Well, why don't you laugh? DANIEL. Can I laugh while my flesh creeps? Dreams come from above. FRANCIS. Pshaw! pshaw! Say not so! Call me a fool, an idiot, an absurd fool! Do, there's a good Daniel, I entreat of you; have a hearty laugh at me! DANIEL. Dreams come from God. I will pray for you. FRANCIS. Thou liest, I tell thee. Go, this instant, run! be quick! see where the minister tarries all this time; tell him to come quickly, instantly! But, I tell thee, thou liest! DANIEL. Heaven have mercy upon you! [Exit.] FRANCIS. Vulgar prejudice! mere superstition! It has not yet been proved that the past is not past and forgotten, or that there is an eye above this earth to take account of what passes on it. Humph! Humph! But whence, then, this fearful whisper to my soul? Is there really an avenging judge above the stars? No, no! Yes, yes! A fearful monitor within bears witness that there is One above the stars who judgeth! What! meet the avenger above the stars this very night? No, no! I say. All is empty, lonely, desolate, beyond the stars. Miserable subterfuge, beneath which thy cowardice seeks to hide itself. And if there should be something in it after all? No! no! it cannot be. I insist that it cannot be! But yet, if there should be! Woe to thee if thy sins should all have been registered above! - if they should be counted over to thee this very night! Why creeps this shudder through my frame? To die! Why does that word frighten me thus? To give an account to the Avenger, there, above the stars! and if he should be just - the wails of orphans and widows, of the oppressed, the tormented, ascending to his ears, and he be just? Why have they been afflicted? And why have I been permitted to trample upon them? Enter PASTOR MOSER. MOSER. Your lordship sent for me! I am surprised! The first time in my life! Is it to scoff at religion, or does it begin to make you tremble? FRANCIS. I may scoff or I may tremble, according as you shall answer me. Listen to me, Moser, I will prove that you are a fool, or wish to make fools of others, and you shall answer me. Do you hear? At the peril of your life you shall answer me. MOSER. 'Tis a higher Being whom you summon before your tribunal. He will answer you hereafter. FRANCIS. I will be answered now, this instant, that I may not commit the contemptible folly of calling upon the idol of the vulgar under the pressure of suffering. I have often, in bumpers of Burgundy, tauntingly pledged you in the toast, "There is no God!" Now I address myself to you in earnest, and I tell you there is none? You shall oppose me with all the weapons in your power; but with the breath of my lips I will blow them away. MOSER. 'Twere well that you could also blow away the thunder which will alight upon your proud soul with ten thousand times ten thousand tons' weight! That omniscient God, whom you - fool and miscreant - are denying in the midst of his creation, needeth not to justify himself by the mouth of dust. He is as great in your tyrannies as in the sweetest smile of triumphant virtue. FRANCIS. Uncommonly well said, parson. Thus I like you. MOSER. I stand here as steward of a greater Master, and am addressing one who, like myself, is a sinner - one whom I care not to please. I must indeed be able to work miracles, to extort the acknowledgment from your obdurate wickedness - but if your conviction is so firm, why have you sent for me in the middle of the night? FRANCIS. Because time hangs heavy on my hands, and the chess-board has ceased to have any attraction. I wish to amuse myself in a tilt with the parson. Your empty terrors will not unman my courage. I am well aware that those who have come off short in this world look forward to eternity; but they will be sadly disappointed. I have always read that our whole body is nothing more than a blood-spring, and that, with its last drop, mind and thought dissolve into nothing. They share all the infirmities of the body; why, then, should they not cease with its dissolution? Why not evaporate in its decomposition? Let a drop of water stray into your brain, and life makes a sudden pause, which borders on non-existence, and this pause continued is death. Sensation is the vibration of a few chords, which, when the instrument is broken, cease to sound. If I raze my seven castles - if I dash this Venus to pieces - there is an end of their symmetry and beauty. Behold! thus is it with your immortal soul! MOSER. So says the philosophy of your despair. But your own heart, which knocks against your ribs with terror even while you thus argue, gives your tongue the lie. These cobwebs of systems are swept away by the single word - "Thou must die!" I challenge you, and be this the test: If you maintain your firmness in the hour of death; if your principles do not then miserably desert you, you shall be admitted to have the best of the argument. But if, in that dread hour, the least shudder creeps over you, then woe be to you! you have deceived yourself. FRANCIS (disturbed). If in the hour of death a shudder creeps over me? MOSER. I have seen many such wretches before now, who set truth at defiance up to that point; but at the approach of death the illusion vanished. I will stand at your bedside when you are dying - I should much like to see a tyrant die. I will stand by, and look you steadfastly in the face when the physician takes your cold, clammy hand, and is scarcely able to detect your expiring pulse; and when he looks up, and, with a fearful shake of the head, says to you, "All human aid is in vain!" Beware, at that moment, beware, lest you look like Richard and Nero! FRANCIS. No! no! MOSER. Even that very "No" will then be turned to a howling "Yea!" An inward tribunal, which you can no longer cheat with sceptical delusions, will then wake up and pass judgment upon you. But the waking up will be like that of one buried alive in the bowels of the churchyard; there will come remorse like that of the suicide who has committed the fatal act and repents it; - 'twill be a flash of lightning suddenly breaking in upon the midnight darkness of your life! There will be one look, and, if you can sustain that, I will admit that you have won! FRANCIS (walking up and down restlessly). Cant! Priestly cant! MOSER. Then, for the first time, will the sword of eternity pass through your soul; - and then, for the first time, too late, the thought of God will wake up a terrible monitor, whose name is Judge. Mark this, Moor; a thousand lives hang upon your beck; and of those thousand every nine hundred and ninety-nine have been rendered miserable by you. You wanted but the Roman empire to be a Nero, the kingdom of Peru to be a Pizarro. Now do you really think that the Almighty will suffer a worm like you to play the tyrant in His world and to reverse all his ordinances? Do you think the nine hundred and ninety-nine were created only to be destroyed, only to serve as puppets in your diabolical game? Think it not! He will call you to account for every minute of which you have robbed them, every joy that you have poisoned, every perfection that you have intercepted. Then, if you can answer Him - then, Moor, I will admit that you have won. FRANCIS. No more, not another word! Am I to be at the mercy of thy drivelling fancies? MOSER. Beware! The different destinies of mankind are balanced with terrible nicety. The scale of life which sinks here will rise there, and that which rises here will sink there. What was here temporary affliction will there be eternal triumph; and what here was temporary triumph will there be eternal despair. FRANCIS (rushing savagely upon him.) May the thunder of heaven strike thee dumb, thou lying spirit! I will tear thy venomed tongue out of thy mouth! MOSER. Do you so soon feel the weight of truth? Before I have brought forward one single word of evidence? Let me first proceed to the proofs - FRANCIS. Silence! To hell with thee and thy proofs! The soul is annihilated, I tell thee, and I will not be gainsaid! MOSER. That is what the spirits of the bottomless pit are hourly moaning for; but heaven denies the boon. Do you hope to escape from the Avenger's arm even in the solitary waste of nothingness? If you climb up into heaven, he is there! if you make your bed in hell, behold he is there also! If you say to the night, "Hide me!" and to the darkness, "Cover me!" even the night shall be light about you, and darkness blaze upon your damned soul like a noonday sun. FRANCIS. But I do not wish to be immortal - let them be so that like; I have no desire to hinder them. I will force him to annihilate me; I will so provoke his fury that he may utterly destroy me. Tell me which are the greatest sins - which excite him to the most terrible wrath? MOSER. I know but two. But men do not commit these, nor do men even dream of them. FRANCIS. What are they? MOSER (very significantly). Parricide is the name of the one; fratricide of the other. Why do you turn so suddenly pale? FRANCIS. What, old man? Art thou in league with heaven or with hell? Who told thee that? MOSER. Woe to him that hath them both upon his soul! It were better for that man that he had never been born! But be at peace; you have no longer either a father or a brother! FRANCIS. Ha! what! Do you know no greater sin? Think again! Death, heaven, eternity, damnation, hang upon thy lips. Not one greater? MOSER. No, not one FRANCIS (falling back in a chair). Annihilation! annihilation! MOSER. Rejoice, then, rejoice! Congratulate yourself! With all your abominations you are yet a saint in comparison with a parricide. The curse that falls upon you is a love ditty in comparison with the curse that lies upon him. Retribution - FRANCIS (starting up). Away with thee! May the graves open and swallow thee ten thousand fathoms deep, thou bird of ill omen! Who bade thee come here? Away, I tell thee, or I will run thee through and through! MOSER. Can mere "priestly cant" excite a philosopher to such a pitch of frenzy? Why not blow it away with a breath of your lips? (Exit.) [FRANCIS throws himself about in his chair in terrible agitation. Profound stillness.] Enter a SERVANT, hastily SERVANT. The Lady Amelia has fled. The count has suddenly disappeared. Enter DANIEL, in great alarm. DANIEL. My lord, a troop of furious horsemen are galloping down the hill, shouting "murder! murder!" The whole village is in alarm. FRANCIS. Quick! let all the bells be tolled - summon everyone to the chapel - let all fall on their knees - pray for me. All prisoners shall be released and forgiven - I will make two and threefold restitution to the poor - I will - why don't you run? Do call in the father confessor, that he may give me absolution for my sins. What! are you not gone yet? (The uproar becomes more audible.) DANIEL. Heaven have mercy upon me, poor sinner! Can I believe you in earnest, sir? You, who always made a jest of religion? How many a Bible and prayer-book have you flung at my bead when by chance you caught me at my devotions? FRANCIS. No more of this. To die! think of it! to die! It will be too late! (The voice of SCHWEITZER is heard, loud and furious.) Pray for me, Daniel! Pray, I entreat you! DANIEL. I always told you, - "you hold prayer in such contempt; but take heed! take heed! when the fatal hour comes, when the waters are flowing in upon your soul, you will be ready to give all the treasures of the world for one little Christian prayer." Do you see it now? What abuse you used to heap on me! Now you feel it! Is it not so! FRANCIS (embracing him violently). Forgive me! my dear precious jewel of a Daniel, forgive me! I will clothe you from head to foot - do but pray. I will make quite a bridegroom of you - I will - only do pray - I entreat you - on my knees, I conjure you. In the devil's name, pray! why don't you pray? (Tumult in the streets, shouts and noises.) SCHWEIT. (in the street). Storm the place! Kill all before you! Force the gates! I see lights! He must be there! FRANCIS (on his knees). Listen to my prayer, O God in heaven! It is the first time - it shall never happen again. Hear me, God in heaven! DANIEL. Mercy on me! What are you saying? What a wicked prayer! Uproar of the PEOPLE, rushing in. PEOPLE. Robbers! murderers! Who makes such a dreadful noise at this midnight hour! SCHWEIT (still in the street). Beat them back, comrades! 'Tis the devil, come to fetch your master. Where is Schwarz with his troop? Surround the castle, Grimm! Scale the walls! GRIMM. Bring the firebrands. Either we must up or he must down. I will throw fire into his halls. FRANCIS (praying). Oh Lord! I have been no common murderer - I have been guilty of no petty crimes, gracious Lord - DANIEL. Heaven be merciful to us! His very prayers are turned to sins. (Stones and firebrands are hurled up from below; the windows fall in with a crash; the castle takes fire.) FRANCIS. I cannot pray. Here! and here! (striking his breast and his forehead) All is so void - so barren! (Rises from his knees.) No, I will not pray. Heaven shall not have that triumph, nor hell that pastime. DANIEL. O holy Virgin! Help! save! The whole castle is in flames! FRANCIS. There, take this sword! Quick! Run it right through my body, that these fiends may not be in time to make holiday sport of me. (The fire increases.) DANIEL. Heaven forbid? Heaven forbid! I would send no one before his time to heaven, much less to - (He runs away). FRANCIS (following him with a ghastly stare, after a pause). To hell, thou wouldst say. Indeed! I scent something of the kind. (In delirium.) Are these their triumphant yells? Do I hear you hissing, ye serpents of the abyss? They force their way up - they besiege the door! Why do I shrink from this biting steel? The door cracks - it yields - there is no escape! Ha! then do thou have mercy upon me! (He tears away the golden cord from his hat, and strangles himself.)* *[In the acting edition, Francis attempts to throw himself into the flames, but is prevented by the robbers, and taken alive. He is then brought before his brother, in chains, for sentence. SCHWEITZER says, "I have fulfilled my word, and brought him alive." GRIMM. "We tore him out of the flames and the castle is in ashes." After confronting Francis with his father, and a reproachful interview between the brothers, Charles delegates the judgment on Francis to Schweitzer and Kosinsky, but for himself forgives him in these words: "Thou hast robbed me of heaven's bliss! Be that sin blotted out! Thy doom is sealed - perdition is thy lot! But I forgive thee, brother." Upon this CHARLES embraces and leaves him; the ROBBERS however, thrust FRANCIS into the dungeon where he had immured his father, laughing in a savage manner. Beyond this the fate of Francis is left undetermined. Schweitzer, instead of killing himself, is made partaker, with Kosinsky, of Moor's estate.] Enter SCHWEITZER and his band. SCHWEITZER. Murderous wretch, where art thou? Did you see how they fled? Has he so few friends? Where has the beast crawled to? GRIMM (stumbles over the corpse). Stay! what is this lying in the way? Lights here. SCHWARZ. He has been beforehand with us. Put up your swords. There he lies sprawling like a dead dog. SCHWEITZER. Dead! What! dead? Dead without me? 'Tis a lie, I say. Mark how quickly he will spring upon his feet! (Shakes him). Hollo! up with you? There is a father to be murdered. GRIMM. Spare your pains. He is as dead as a log. SCHWEITZER (steps aside from him). Yes, his game is up! He is dead! dead! Go back and tell my captain he is as dead as a log. He will not see me again. (Blows his brains out.) SCENE II. - The scene the same as the last scene of the preceding Act. OLD MOOR seated on a stone; CHARLES VON MOOR opposite; ROBBERS scattered through the wood. CHARLES. He does not come! (Strikes his dagger against a stone till the sparks fly.) OLD MOOR. Let pardon be his punishment - redoubled love my vengeance. CHARLES. No! by my enraged soul that shall not be! I will not permit it. He shall bear that enormous load of crime with him into eternity! - what else should I kill him for? OLD MOOR (bursting into tears). Oh my child! CHARLES. What! you weep for him? In sight of this dungeon? OLD MOOR. Mercy! oh mercy! (Wringing his hands violently.) Now - now my son is brought to judgment! CHARLES (starting). Which son? OLD MOOR. Ha! what means that question? CHARLES. Nothing! nothing! OLD MOOR. Art thou come to make a mockery of my grief? CHARLES. Treacherous conscience! Take no heed of my words! OLD MOOR. Yes, I persecuted a son, and a son persecutes me in return. It is the finger of God. Oh my Charles! my Charles! If thou dost hover around me in the realms of peace, forgive me! oh forgive me! CHARLES (hastily). He forgives you! (Checking himself.) If he is worthy to be called your son, he must forgive you! OLD MOOR. Ha! he was too noble a son for me. But I will go to him with my tears, my sleepless nights, my racking dreams. I will embrace his knees, and cry - cry aloud - "I have sinned against heaven and before thee; I am no longer worthy to be called thy father!" CHARLES (in deep emotion). Was he very dear to you - that other son? OLD MOOR. Heaven is my witness, how much I loved him. Oh, why did I suffer myself to be beguiled by the arts of a wicked son? I was an envied father among the fathers of the world - my children full of promise, blooming by my side! But - oh that fatal hour! - the demon of envy entered into the heart of my younger son - I listened to the serpent - and - lost both my children! (Hides his countenance.) CHARLES (removes to a distance from him). Lost forever! OLD MOOR. Oh, deeply do I feel the words of Amelia. The spirit of vengeance spoke from her lips. "In vain wilt thou stretch forth thy dying hands after a son, in vain fancy thou art grasping the warm hands of thy Charles, - he will never more stand by thy bedside." (CHARLES stretches out his hand to him with averted face.) Oh, that this were the hand of my Charles! But he is laid far away in the narrow house - he is sleeping the iron sleep - he hears not the voice of my lamentation. Woe is me! to die in the arms of a stranger? No son left - no son left to close my eyes! CHARLES (in violent emotion). It must be so - the moment has arrived. Leave me - (to the ROBBERS.) And yet - can I restore his son to him? Alas! No! I cannot restore him that son! No! I will not think of it. OLD MOOR. Friend! what is that you were muttering? CHARLES. Your son - yes, old man - (faltering) your son - is - lost forever! OLD MOOR. Forever? CHARLES (looking up to heaven in bitter anguish). Oh this once - keep my soul from sinking - sustain me but this once! OLD MOOR. Forever, did you say. CHARLES. Ask no more! I said forever! OLD MOOR. Stranger, stranger! why didst thou drag me forth from the dungeon to remind me of my sorrows? CHARLES. And what if I were now to snatch his blessing? - snatch it like a thief, and steal away with the precious prize? A father's blessing, they say, is never lost. OLD MOOR. And is my Francis too lost? CHARLES (falling on his knees before him). 'Twas I who burst the bars of your dungeon. I crave thy blessing! OLD MOOR (sorrowfully). Oh that thou shouldst destroy the son! - thou, the father's deliverer! Behold! Heaven's mercy is untiring, and we pitiful worms let the sun go down upon our wrath. (Lays his hand upon the head of CHARLES.) Be thou happy, even as thou shalt be merciful! CHARLES (rising much affected). Oh! - where is my manhood? My sinews are unstrung - the sword drops from my hand. OLD MOOR. How lovely a thing it is when brethren dwell together in unity; as the dewdrops of heaven that fall upon the mountains of Zion. Learn to deserve that happiness, young man, and the angels of heaven will sun themselves in thy glory. Let thy wisdom be the wisdom of gray hairs, but let thy heart be the heart of innocent childhood. CHARLES. Oh, for a foretaste of that happiness! Kiss me, divine old man! OLD MOOR (kissing him). Think it thy father's kiss; and I will think I am kissing my son. Canst thou too weep? CHARLES. I felt as if it were my father's kiss! Woe unto me, were they to bring him now! (The companions of SCHWEITZER enter in a silent and mournful procession, hanging down their heads and hiding their faces.) CHARLES. Good heaven! (Retreats horror-struck, and seeks to hide himself. They pass by him his face is averted. Profound silence. They halt.) GRIMM (in a subdued tone). My captain! [CHARLES does not answer and steps farther back.] SCHWARZ. Dear captain! [CHARLES retreats still farther.] GRIMM. 'Tis not our fault, captain! CHARLES (without looking at them). Who are ye? GRIMM. You do not look at us! Your faithful followers. CHARLES. Woe to ye, if ye are faithful to me! GRIMM. The last farewell from your servant Schweitzer! - CHARLES (starting). Then ye have not found him? SCHWARZ. Found him dead. CHARLES (leaping up with joy). Thanks, O Sovereign Ruler of all things! - Embrace me, my children! - Mercy be henceforward our watchword! - Now, were that too surmounted, - all would be surmounted. Enter ROBBERS with AMELIA. ROBBERS. Hurrah! hurrah! A prize, a splendid prize! AMELIA (with hair dishevelled). The dead, they cry, have arisen at his voice - My uncle alive - in this wood - Where is he? Charles? Uncle! - Ha? (She rushes into the arms, of OLD MOOR.) OLD MOOR. Amelia! my daughter! Amelia! (Holds her tightly grasped in his arms.) CHARLES (starting back). Who brings this image before my eyes. AMELIA (tearing herself away from the old man, rushes upon CHARLES, and embraces him in an ecstasy of delight). I have him, O ye stars! I have him! CHARLES (tearing himself away, to the ROBBERS). Let us be gone, comrades! The arch fiend has betrayed me! AMELIA. My bridegroom, my bridegroom! thou art raving! Ha! 'Tis with delight! Why, then, am I so cold, so unfeeling, in the midst of this tumult of happiness? OLD MOOR (rousing himself). Bridegroom? Daughter! my daughter! Thy bridegroom?* *[Instead of this the stage edition has, "Come my children! Thy hand, Charles - and thine, Amelia. Oh! I never looked for such happiness on this side the grave. Here let me unite you forever."] AMELIA. His forever! He forever, ever, mine! Oh! ye heavenly powers! support me in this ecstasy of bliss, lest I sink beneath its weight! CHARLES. Tear her from my neck! Kill her! Kill him! Kill me - yourselves - everybody! Let the whole world perish! (About to rush of.) AMELIA. Whither? what? Love! eternity! happiness! never-ending joys! and thou wouldst fly? CHARLES. Away, away! most unfortunate of brides! See with thine own eves; ask, and hear it with thine own ears! Most miserable of fathers! Let me escape hence forever! AMELIA. Support me! for heaven's sake support me! It is growing dark before my eyes! He flies! CHARLES. Too late! In vain! Your curse, father! Ask me no more! I am - I have - your curse - your supposed curse! Who enticed me hither? (Rushing upon the ROBBERS with drawn sword.) Which of you enticed me hither, ye demons of the abyss? Perish, then, Amelia! Die, father! Die, for the third time, through me! These, thy deliverers, are Robbers and Murderers! Thy Charles is their Captain! (OLD MOOR expires.) [AMELIA stands silent and transfixed like a statue. The whole band are mute. A fearful pause.] CHARLES (rushing against an oak). The souls of those I have strangled in the intoxication of love - of those whom I crushed to atoms in the sacredness of sleep - of those whom - Ha! ha! ha! do you hear the powder-magazine bursting over the heads of women in travail? Do you see the flames creeping round the cradles of sucklings? That is our nuptial torch; those shrieks our wedding music! Oh! he forgetteth none of these things! - he knoweth how to connect the - links in the chain of life. Therefore do love's delights elude my grasp; therefore is love given me for a torment! This is retribution! AMELIA. 'Tis all true! Thou Ruler in heaven! 'Tis all true! What have I done, poor innocent lamb? I have loved this man! CHARLES. This is more than a man can endure. Have I not heard death hissing at me from more thousands of barrels, and never yet moved a hair's breadth out of its way. And shall I now be taught to tremble like a woman? tremble before a woman! No! a woman shall not conquer my manly courage! Blood! blood! 'tis but a fit of womanish feeling. I must glut myself with blood; and this will pass away. (He is about to fly.) AMELIA (sinking into his arms). Murderer! devil! I cannot - angel - leave thee! CHARLES (thrusting her from him). Away! insidious serpent! Thou wouldst make a mockery of my frenzy; but I will bid defiance to my tyrant destiny. What! art thou weeping? O ye relentless, malicious stars! She pretends to weep, as if any soul could weep for me! (AMELIA falls on his neck.) Ha! what means this? She shuns me not - she spurns me not. Amelia! hast thou then forgotten? Dost thou remember whom thou art embracing, Amelia? AMELIA. My only one, mine, mine forever! CHARLES (recovering himself in an ecstasy of joy). She forgives me, she loves me! Then am I pure as the ether of heaven, for she loves me! With tears I thank thee, all-merciful Father! (He falls on his knees, and bursts into a violent fit of weeping.) The peace of my soul is restored; my sufferings are at an end. Hell is no more! Behold! oh behold! the child of light weeps on the neck of a repentant demon! (Rising and turning to the ROBBERS). Why are ye not weeping also? Weep, weep, ye are all so happy. O Amelia! Amelia! Amelia! (He hangs on her neck, they remain locked in a silent embrace.) A ROBBER (stepping forward enraged). Hold, traitor! This instant come from her arms! or I will speak a word that shall make thy ears tingle, and thy teeth chatter with horror! (He holds his sword between them.) AN AGED ROBBER. Remember the Bohemian forests! Dost thou hear? dost thou tremble? Remember the Bohemian forests, I tell thee! Faithless man! where are thy oaths? Are wounds so soon forgotten? Who staked fortune, honor, life itself for thee? Who stood by thee like walls, and like shields caught the blows which were aimed at thy life? Didst not thou then lift up thy hand and swear an iron oath never to forsake us, even as we forsook not thee? Base, perfidious wretch! and wouldst thou now desert us at the whining of a harlot? A THIRD ROBBER. Shame on thy perjury! The spirit of the immolated Roller, whom thou didst summon from the realms of death to attest thy oath, will blush at thy cowardice, and rise from his grave full armed to chastise thee. THE ROBBERS (all in disorder, tearing open their garments). See here! and here! Dost thou know these scars? Thou art ours! With our heart's blood we have bought thee, and thou art ours bodily, even though the Archangel Michael should seek to wrest thee out of the grasp of the fiery Moloch! Now! March with us! Sacrifice for sacrifice, Amelia for the band! CHARLES (releasing her hand). It is past! I would arise and return to my father; but heaven has said, "It shall not be!" (Coldly.) Blind fool that I was! why should I wish it? Is it possible for a great sinner to return? A great sinner never can return. That ought I long since to have known. Be still! I pray thee be still! 'Tis all as it should be. When He sought me I would not; now that I seek him, He will not. What can be more just? Do not roll about thine eyes so wildly. He - has no need of me. Has He not creatures in abundance? One he can easily spare, and that one am I. Come along, comrades! AMELIA (pulling him back). Stay, I beseech you! One blow! one deadly blow! Again forsaken! Draw thy sword, and have mercy upon me! CHARLES. Mercy has taken refuge among bears. I will not kill thee! AMELIA (embracing his knees). Oh, for heaven's sake! by all that is merciful! I ask no longer for love. I know that our stars fly from each other in opposition. Death is all I ask. Forsaken, forsaken! Take that word in all its dreadful import! Forsaken! I cannot survive it! Thou knowest well that no woman can survive that. All I ask is death. See, my hand trembles! I have not courage to strike the blow. I shrink from the gleaming blade! To thee it is so easy, so very easy; thou art a master in murder - draw thy sword, and make me happy! CHARLES. Wouldst thou alone be happy? Away with thee! I will kill no woman! AMELIA. Ha! destroyer! thou canst only kill the happy; they who are weary of existence thou sparest! (She glides towards the robbers.) Then do ye have mercy on me, disciples of murder! There lurks a bloodthirsty pity in your looks that is consoling to the wretched. Your master is a boaster and a coward. CHARLES. Woman, what dost thou say? (The ROBBERS turn away.) AMELIA. No friend? No; not even among these a friend? (She rises.) Well, then, let Dido teach me how to die! (She is going; a ROBBER takes aim at her.) CHARLES. Hold! dare it! Moor's Amelia shall die by no other hand than Moor's. (He strikes her dead.) THE ROBBERS. Captain! captain! what hast thou done? Art thou raving? CHARLES (with his eyes fixed on the body). One more pang and all will be over. She is immolated! Now, look on! have you any farther demand? Ye staked a life for me, a life which has ceased to be your own - a life full of infamy and shame! I have sacrificed an angel for you. Now! look upon her! Are you content? GRIMM. You have repaid your debt with usury. You have done all that man could do for his honor, and more. Now let's away. CHARLES. What say you? Is not the life of a saint for the life of a felon more than an equal exchange? Oh! I say unto you if every one of you were to - mount the scaffold, and to have his flesh torn from his bones piecemeal with red-hot pincers, through eleven long summer days of torture, yet would it not counterbalance these tears! (With a bitter laugh.) The scars! the Bohemian forests! Yes, yes! they must be repaid, of course! SCHWARZ. Compose yourself, captain! Come along with us! this is no sight for you. Lead us elsewhere! CHARLES. Stay! one word more before we proceed elsewhere. Mark me, ye malicious executioners of my barbarous nod! from this moment I cease to be your captain.* *[The acting edition reads, - "Banditti! we are quits. This bleeding corpse cancels my bond to you forever. From your own I set you free." ROBBERS. "We are again your slaves till death!" CHARLES. "No, no, no! We have done with each other. My genius whispers me, 'Go no further, Moor. Here is the goal of humanity - and thine!' Take back this bloody plume (throws it at their feet). Let him who seeks to be your captain take it up."] With shame and horror I here lay down the bloody staff, under which you thought yourselves licensed to perpetrate your crimes and to defile the fair light of heaven with deeds of darkness. Depart to the right and to the left. We shall never more have aught in common. THE ROBBERS. Ha! coward! where are thy lofty schemes? were they but soap-bubbles, which disperse at the breath of a woman?* *[In lieu of this soliloquy and what follows, to the end, the acting edition has: - R. MOOR. Dare not to scrutinize the acts of Moor. That is my last command. Now, draw near - form a circle around me, and receive the last words of your dying captain. (He surveys them attentively for some time.) You have been devotedly faithful to me, faithful beyond example. Had virtue bound you together as firmly as vice, you would have been heroes, and your names recorded by mankind with admiration. Go and offer your services to the state. Dedicate your talents to the cause of a monarch who is waging war in vindication of the rights of man. With this blessing I disband you. Schweitzer and Kosinsky, do you stay. (The others disperse slowly, with signs of emotion.)] SCENE VIII. R. MOOR, SCRWETTZER, and KOSINSKY. R. MOOR. Give me thy right hand, Kosinsky - Schweitzer thy left. (He takes their hands, and stands between, them; to KOSINSKY,) Young man, thou art still pure-amongst the guilty thou alone art guiltless! (To SCHWEITZER.) Deeply have I imbrued thy hand in blood. 'Tis I who have done this. With this cordial grasp I take back mine own. Schweitzer! thou art purified! (He raises their hands fervently to heaven.) Father in heaven! here I restore them to thee. They will be more devoted to thy service than those who never fell. Of that I feel assured. (SCHWEITZER and KOSINSKY fall on his neck with fervor.) Not now - not now, dear comrades. Spare my feelings in this trying hour. An earldom has this day fallen to my lot - a rich domain on which no malediction rests. Share it between you, my children; become good citizens; and if for ten human beings that I have destroyed you make but one happy, my soul may yet be saved. Go - no farewell! In another world we may meet again - or perhaps no more. Away! away! ere my fortitude desert me. [Exeunt both, with downcast countenances.] SCENE IX. And I, too, am a good citizen. Do I not fulfil the extremity of the law? Do I not honor the law? Do I not uphold and defend it? I remember speaking to a poor officer on my way hither, who was toiling as a day-laborer, and has eleven living children. A thousand ducats have been offered to whoever shall deliver up the great robber alive. That man shall be served. [Exit.] CHARLES. Oh! fool that I was, to fancy that I could amend the world by misdeeds and maintain law by lawlessness! I called it vengeance and equity. I presumed, O Providence! upon whetting out the notches of thy sword and repairing thy partialities. But, oh, vain trifling! here I stand on the brink of a fearful life, and learn, with wailing and gnashing of teeth, that two men like myself could ruin the whole edifice of the moral world. Pardon - pardon the boy who thought to forestall Thee; to Thee alone belongeth vengeance; Thou needest not the hand of man! But it is not in my power to recall the past; that which is ruined remains ruined; what I have thrown down will never more rise up again. Yet one thing is left me whereby I may atone to the offended majesty of the law and restore the order which I have violated. A victim is required - a victim to declare before all mankind how inviolable that majesty is - that victim shall be myself. I will be the death-offering! ROBBERS. Take his sword from him - he will kill himself. CHARLES. Fools that ye are! doomed to eternal blindness! Think ye that one mortal sin will expiate other mortal sins? Do you suppose that the harmony of the world would be promoted by such an impious discord? (Throwing his arms at their feet.) He shall have me alive. I go to deliver myself into the hands of justice. ROBBERS. Put him in chains! he has lost his senses! CHARLES. Not that I have any doubt but that justice would find me speedily enough if the powers above so ordained it. But she might surprise me in sleep, or overtake me in flight, or seize me with violence and the sword, and then I should have lost the only merit left me, that of making my death a free-will atonement. Why should I, like a thief, any longer conceal a life, which in the counsels of the heavenly ministry has long been forfeited? ROBBERS. Let him go. He is infected with the great-man-mania; he means to offer up his life for empty admiration. CHARLES. I might, 'tis true, be admired for it. (After a moment's reflection.) I remember, on my way hither, talking to a poor creature, a day-laborer, with eleven living children. A reward has been offered of a thousand louis-d'ors to any one who shall deliver up the great robber alive. That man shall be served. [Exit.] Publication Date: May 21st 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.schiller

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Kenisha Coleman Senior Year Love Family Ties mom can you hurry up please?" I yelled through the driver seat of my Chevy 2016 CRuz. "Have fun trying to hurry her up" said my twin sister Carla from the passenger seat "un minuto Carmen , i have to get the twins bag ready." Elania, my mom yelled back. "Ugh!" i mumbled as i looked in the back seat at my 4 month old new baby brother and sister. they were sleep as usually , they always are. The way people known my family as the richest family in California and it might be true but i am more than that. At that my iPhone 6s Plus started to ring and i knew exactly who was calling me. It was my best friends Juliee and Alicia who were also twins , they when to my school even thou there family wasn't as rich as my they still were rich. "Hey Sweetie, whats up?" i said answering the phone. "Oh nothing really how about you ?. Yea !",i heard Alicia say in the background. " hahaha , nothing , just going back to school shopping with my mom ! but she taking forever!, i yelled the last part so she would hear me. " oh okay well text me when you get back okay ?" "she said. " okay " i said and hung up . And as soon as i hung up i saw my mom coming. "finally" i mumbled as i reached for my seat belt. The way the Grey Angel's Party my twin and I am apart of the Grey Angels. Its a group of rich girls and i am the president and Carla is the vice president so we have random party when we are bored and tonight was one of those nights. That night, after my house cook Lisa cooked dinner and my maid Leslie cleaned the table, i was walking up the stairs to my room until i heard my iPhone ring playing "It Will Rain" by Bruno mars. i knew who it was automatically at with a smile i answered my boyfriend Alex. "Hey you", i sang. "Hey babe" he replied "whats up?" "oh nothing really thinking about you." "awe aren't you sweet, by the way what are you doing tonight?" "nothing why whats up baby?" "the twins are having a party, you wanna come?" "you know it" "okay babe pick me up at 9:30 okay?" "okay baby ,iloveyou" "iloveyou" Click   "a salir esta noche Carmen",my mom asked from the door frame. "ahh si the twins are having a party", I answered "oh bien, tienen cariño divertido está bien" , she said as she walked away to the cry of the twins. It was 7:00 now so i decided to go jump in the shower. When i got back out it was like 7:32, i could not see it well without my glasses or contacts on. So i decided to do my make up and curled my hair and by the time that was over it was around 8:35. When i was done i walked to my closet and took out my 5&1/2in black heels and a black spaghetti strapped skin fit dress. When i was strapping my shoes,my phone rang and when i looked down , it was Mandy. "hello" , i answered "hey, you wanna come with me and my guy friend to see hunger games?", she asked. "Wtf !, Mandy do you know what tonight is bitch ?" "Umm no not really , what is it ?" "the twins summer party is tonight!" "oh shit i forgot, im so sorry" "its okay just tell you little guy friend the plans have changed" "i cant" "and why the fuck not" "he isnt the type of guy that would like our partys" "so. he cant be that bad" "he is a pk" (Preachers kid) "wtf so you are going to pick him over us?" "Im sorry ,can i make it up?" "all i have to say is that if you miss tonight, you will not be welcome back into the Grey Angels! " "but lola missed a party and she was okay" "thats because she paid a grand to be excused , you poor may i remind you. The only reason your in is because you dad is my dads coworker and he wants me to be nice to you . So chose now!" Silent   "hello", i replied. "yea , um wat time is the party again?" "thats my girl its at 10 but we have to be there at 9:30 for a meeting, and by the way bring your little guy friend also i want to convert him to the boyfreinds of the Grey Angels if you know what i mean" "okay but can you come pick us up , he is already over here now" "okay i will call you when i get there okay" "okay" "bye" click   After i hung up it was 8:55 so i walked down stairs to my dad working on his laptop. "going somewhere honey?", he asked looking up. "um yea the twins house" "okay have fun" as i closed to refrigerator door with a hand full of grapes i hear to door bell and walked to get it. When i opened it i say Alex wearing a black and white holister shirt and black areopostale jeans with black Jordans. "Hi mister and misses Serrano " he said. "hi Alex", my dad said looking up "come on in sweetie ", my mom said " um mom we have to go" i said "Oh yea well have fun", she answered                                                                                                         "Is Carla here" i asked my mom                                                                                                               "uhh no she took her car and said she will meet you there. she went for david(bf)"                                          As we walked to his 2016 BMW i paused and looked at him.                                                                       "what?” He asked                                                                                                                                                      "do you know where Mandy lives? , I asked.                                                                                                                     "no why, but I can learn babe"                                                                                                                                 "no give me the keys"                                                                                                                                                 He started at me then smiled and gave me the keys. as we drove I turned on the radio to b96 and started singing how to love. we go to Mandy house around 9:18 and I called her to come out. when they got in Alex asked her who was that and I found out his name was Eric. I turned around and said,                           " Hi I’m Carmen and this is my rude ass boyfriend Alex"                                                                                   "hi" he said shyly and I giggled not seeing anyone that shy in a while. As we got to the twins mansion it was 9:28.                                                                                                                                                                  "good with two minutes to spare" I said getting out. " Alex take Eric to the boyfriends for the Grey Angels club" I continued " and you come with me I said looking at Mandy.                                                          "hey you bitches" I yelled walking in Alicia, one of the twins room.                                                                     "hey Carmen and Mandy" Alicia and Juliee said in unison as usual.                                                                     " Okay so why the fuck am I heard so early", I asked sounding annoyed.                                                               "because you love us" Alicia yelled. And at that we got our meeting started. as we walked out of the room it was 9:50 so we went to go see what the boys were doing. when I got there I say Alex, David, Eric, Peter, and Michael watching the game.                                                                                                   "What the fuck do you think you’re doing! " I yelled then giggled when they started at me like I was crazy. Around 9:56 a lot of people started to show up and the party really started. As I walked around I noticed this guy staring at me like I had something on me . So I quickly walked to the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror to make sure I was okay. When I was sure I walked back out and went to go find Mandy and mister preacher kid.                                                                                                                                    "hey", I said as I walked over to them sitting around a table.                                                                                                   "hey Carmen wats up?" Mandy asked looking up.                                                                                            "how do you like your first Grey Angels party so far? " , I asked Eric.                                                                     " um its, its different”, he said.                                                                                                                                 "hahaha , Mandy babe is it okay if your guy friend take a walk?"                                                                                                   "no prod , I was going to go look for Lola anyway", she said walking off.                                                                           "so ,what’s up with you and Mandy?", I asked when we were on the patio.                                                     "um , nothing really, I guess well I mean I really like her but I don't know how she will react if I asked her out or told her I wanted to be more than friends."                                                                                                      "I say you ask her out, she really likes you."                                                                                                              "really? " he asked smiling                                                                                                                                                          I nodded my head yes                                                                                                                                                           "well can you help me cause I tend to freeze when I want to say something to her", he said continuing.        "sure sweetie", I said as I texted Mandy to get her ass over here asap.                                                            As she walked over she looked kind of puzzled and worried. when he got up he looked at her and froze and I knew this was what he was talking about and he would need my help. "He really likes you and he wants to be more than friends and he asking you to go out with him". she started at me as I finished talking like I was talking Chinese or something and then back at him and shock her head yes in disbelieve.                                                                                                                                          "anyways , I am go find my boyfriend so I can tell him the news", I said walking off. when I got back in the house I say Alex talking to a girl at the bar who was wearing a really tight purple shirt that showed off her b cup boobs and her want to be stylish out aged jeans and a want to be Louis Vuitton bag.                "hey sweetie" , I said walking over there                                                                                                             "hey baby , um Samantha this is my girlfriend Carmen”, he said looking at me.                                                  "hi", she said quietly with envy in her eyes. I just smiled and looked back at Alex.                                                              " okay babe , so I just hooked up Mandy and Eric so you got to make an announcement to the other boys"                                                                                                                                                                               "okay baby, um Samantha nice talking to you excuse me" he said kissing my forehead and left leaving Samantha and I alone                                                                                                                                                                 "so, um you’re the Carmen everyone talks about and says your drop dead gorgeous, I don't see it ha-ha " ,she said bitchily                                                                                                                                                                          "and you’re the whore that sleep with everyone's boyfriend cause she can’t get her own. oh and BTW he’s not interested in you cow" I said walking away with her speechless.                                                                As I walked in the house I saw the twins with the same guy that was staring at me.                                                 "Oh, this is our president, Carmen" Alicia said smiling.                                                                                           "Hola", I said laughing.                                                                                                                                                        "hi" he said looking into my eyes and for a split second I thought we were the only two people in the room and I could tell he saw it as well.                                                                                                                                We-ell, I h-avee to g-ggo" , I said stuttering and walking away quickly.                                                                           All night he was on my mind. As the night ended I got in the car and felt sleepy. We drove in silence as we dropped off Mandy and Eric and headed towards my house. I woke up as he was carrying me into my house and laying me on my bed.                                                                                                                                         "Don’t go please" I begged                                                                                                                                                 "but your sleepy" he answered                                                                                                                                         At that I kissed him as he started to take off his shirt and the lights went out.                                                                                                        School Starting When i woke up Alex was gone. Then i remembered that it was the first day of my senior year. I looked at my clock at it was 6:15 so i was late to get up. Im usually up doing yoga by 5:30. I walked into the shower and just stood there as the hot water ran down my body. As i got out i walked into my closet with only underwear and a bra and just stood there looking at my clothes blankly. My mind kept going back to the night before and that mysterious boy Kevin and what about him drew me to him. I decided to wear a short black pleated skirt with a lace white tube top and a black see through stocking with stars up the outer sides of it with some black rhinestone pumps when i was done with my clothes and makeup, it was 7:20 and since school didn't start till 8:45 i decided to curl my hair and braid half of the front. As i walked down stairs i hear a familiar voices and saw that it was Kevin sitting with my mother at the dinner table. "What the hell", i said as i got down all the stairs. "Sé amable miel" my mom said as she handed him another glass of orange juice."This is Kevin his dad got a job at the hospital daddy works at and they moved in next door, i want you to be nice to him and show him around school okay" she said finishing.                                                                                                          She came over and whispered they are the third richest family now "sí mamá" i said grabbing a bowl of fruits from Lisa and my protein shake. "gracias", she said walking out into the living room. "Do you need a ride to school",i asked looking at him. "yes please" he said shyly and quietly. "okay hold on let me get my bag and jacket",i said walking away to the den. When i returned he was standing by the door with his stuff.                                                                                                                      "mami did Carla go for david"                                                                                                                "No he picked her up like an hour ago" "adios mami" i said as i walked though the door and out to the car when we started to drive i turned on the radio and noticed it was 8:00 and decided to stop at Starbucks. when i parked in front of Starbuck i undid my seat belted and looked at him as he looked out the window. "come on" i said reaching over and undoing his seat belt he looked at me and opened the door. when we walked in and i was waiting for both of our orders i noticed that he was staring at me. "what" i said catching his attention. "ummm question are you black?" he said looking at my hands. " haha , no im a mulatto. which is a dark Spanish hence the hair" i said pointing to my long curly light brown hair. "are you?" i asked "umm yea i am" he said looking at the floor. "cool haha" i said laughing causing him to smile and noticing for the first time he had perfect teeth and dimples. "awww you have dimples, that's so hot"i said staring as he blushed. "lol really i hate them" "wtf is wrong with you?" i said laughing and getting out the car.                                                                  "there okay but i like you smile better" he said opening the door for me                                                      "awww thank you"   when we got to school i went to the main office, showed him his classes and locker and since we had 4 classes together, i told him i would help. as i walked off he yelled out thanks and i just smiled. Kevin  At lunch was the next time i saw Kevin. He was in the lunch line talking to some nerd. As i walked over the nerd started to hyperventilate.  " what are you staring at?" i asked the nerd. " nothing carmen you dont really talk to me unless its to move my head in ap english class or ap calc." he said " well would you like an award or something sir?" i asked impatient. " no your beauty is enough, i cant wait to tell all my friends!" he screamed wallking away in a hurry. "weird! anyway what are you doing eating school lunch it is a no-no." i said dragging him out of line.  " what do you eat then?" he asked puzzled "we go out to eat. It is the 21 century you know sir." i said walking to the doors as he followed. " is this even legal?" he asked lookinhg around. " No duhh, i wouldnt do it if it wasnt. I do have a 4.0 and won school president, also head cheerleader and volunteer after school every monday and thursady." i said starting my car " i know! You are very talked about at school. Even by teachers" he said smiling "whatever anyway im hungry where do you wanna go?" i asked "wherever."  "okay chipotle"  "never had it"  "Please tell me your lying?" "No, sadly. My parents arent usually in to the eating out   We walked in school the same time the first bell rang    Ringggggggggg   " well you better get to gym sir" i said laughing. " Dont you have gym, 6 period everyone has gym."  " well unlike everyone else i only have 6 periods other than 8 so i dont have gym i usually leave before everyone is even out of gym i took most of the classes i needed this year online last summer to get ahead."  " oh smart you!" "okay well i will see you after school i will be back and come get you after i spend my 2 hour at the mall with my twin" " let me guess she did the online thing as well?"  "all the girls in my club did! haha! Bye" "bye" " get sweaty for the both of us"i yelled back."   As i started my car, i called Carla to let her know i was on the way. When i got there all of the club members were sitting at a froyo store laughing with some older guy.  "Oh is this what life is about now? Hiting on older poor guys to make them think he has a chance even though all of you whores have boyfriends?" "Bitch don't start!", Yelled Carla. " We all saw you at school flirting with that new sexy hunk Kevin, so bitch you are not a saint either" "Wtf are you are you talking about?" i yelled back. "If you call that flirting you dont know the meaning of the word. "Well you were kinda giggling" "What do you mean? Im just a nice person." i said with a sacrastic undertone. "Whatever dont like we havent known you for 11 years" carla says as she walks away and into the victoria secret semi-annual sale. I follow as i laugh and roll my eyes at her comment.         Text: LOVE Images: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5T-8YGpFUzI/TnjLGgRQtHI/AAAAAAAAAo8/I6f-cN1xvI8/s1600/Beautiful-Hayden-Panettiere-Wallpapers-4.jpg All rights reserved. Publication Date: February 15th 2017 https://www.bookrix.com/-nishaaboo

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Oscar Wilde The Importance of Being Earnest Publication Date: September 15th 2009 https://www.bookrix.com/-librarian

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Celestina A. Teen Mother This book is dedicated to all the people that have been treated badly, raped, sexually assaulted, hit, and beaten with as a child and You're not alone there is a lot of kids that have been badly abused as a kid and that's what this book is basically about. Thanks for reading. Introduction This is a story about a 21 year old girl of how she became a hardworking, still going to school and trying to live her life teen mother. And this is her story……. Chapter 1: Meet the Family On January 18th, 1992, there was me Jordan Sanchez. I had 2 parents that didn't want kids so they put me in a crappy fostor home in Brooklyn, New York with 2 parents and 3 other kids that weren't theirs. The foster home wasn't a good one but it didn't matter because i wasn't happy and that's what my parents wanted. But my foster parents were even worse every morning i would get hit for no apparent reason if i was hungry, sleepy, or tired. But as i grew up i taught myself everything my parents were supposed to teach me like, i taught myself how to talk, walk, and i learned how to cook from all the cooking shows i watched over the years and I'm only 3 years old. My step parents Diana and John were always telling me that i wasn't important, that my parents didn't love me, and that i was so stupid i couldn't go to school. An one day they pushed me to the edge to where i didn't want to be there anymore, so I packed my backpack and sneaked into their room and i took all their money because all they used it for was alcohol and drugs, Now I'm raising myself and i did a pretty damn good job doing it. About 4 years later I went back to the foster home because I needed more money and food, I sneaked back into the house when I see 2 kids, a boy and a girl (the boy was like 5 and the girl like was 4) with Jenifer and Joseph (my parents) I haven’t seen them since I was a baby and I was thinking to myself (why do these people have kids and then put them in a damn foster home.) As I was eavesdropping on their conversation and Jenifer said that if Diana and john can take care of them, Diana said as she was doing her drugs “hey you brats go upstairs, we need to talk to your parents” and the boy said “where’s Jordan?”. Joseph said “Hey kid shut up and both of you get your fucking asses upstairs” the kids were walking upstairs and I was still listening to their conversation to see what they were going to do with the kids. Jenifer said “Did they find Jordan yet?” and Diana said “no why do you miss her and how do the kids know about her” and to think I was starting to think my mom cared about me and she said this “no I was just wondering if they found that little bitch and my mom keeps showing them pictures of her when I was at the hospital”. I quietly walked upstairs because I was so upset after my mom said that and I wanted to see my brother and sister and my dad didn’t even say anything so I went upstairs to my old room. I see them and my brother came up to me and hugged me and said “Jordan we missed you” and I told him “hi I missed you too” then I said “do you have a name” and he said “Jason” and I nodded ok and I told him “that’s a nice name (then I told my sister) what’s your name?”. She said “Leslie” and I said to her “that’s a cool name” then I told them “Do you guys even want to stay here because if you don’t we can sneak out of here and you guys don’t have to worry about a thing because I will take of you and those people are dangerous, so what do you say?” they looked at each other and then back at me and said “ok where ever you go we’re going too”. I told them to get their bags and walk out the back door and wait for me in the front yard and I’ll be there in a minute and they listened to me and I was surprised because kids at that age don’t usually listen. I ran to their room because I heard them coming upstairs so when I got into the room I hid under the bed because it was the closes thing to the door and they came in and Diana said “I just don’t understand why they want us to watch the kids I mean what do we look like a fucking charity case”. John said “I know dumb asses so what do you want to do now”, she said “we can make a kid of our own” then they got on the bed and started making out “oh my God this is so gross” I said quietly to myself and I got out from under the bed and went to their closet and there the safe was just waiting for somebody to open it and I walked towards it. I put the password and It didn’t take it and I’m like these people changed it damn it. “Hey babe we should go to the store and buy some stuff we need new plants for the front yard” Diana says as she opens the closet doors and I hid real quick once I heard her talking, then john says “ok and I put the new password”. She said “what’s the password” and John said 374951 and she put the password, got her money, then once they left I put the password, took all the money they had in there (they steal the money anyway so they don’t need it). Then I ran downstairs to the kitchen and I got all their food and then I told the kids to come inside because Diana and John were gone so I gave Jason the bag of food and I told them lets go, then I realized that they didn’t take the other car and I already know how to drive so I took the keys and we got out of there. We took off to the house that I live in but its beat up and the money is going to help fix it but I have to fix it myself but still I can buy a house when I turn 18 so hopefully I keep this house till then but this is just for now and the kids like it and they were happy because they get to do their own room the way they want it and they can fix it the way they want it. Chapter 2: Trying to fit in 5 years later, my brother was in the 5th grade and turning 10 yrs. old, my sister was in the 4th grade and just turned 9 yrs. old and I’m in the 7th grade and I turned 12. Man we are all growing so damn fast I feel like I missed 5 years with just a blink of an eye. My brother and sister are working on trying to fit in, I can tell because you know when you’re a kid and you’re wondering what everyone else is doing and wearing and that’s how they are and I’m not surprised because Jenifer and Joseph used to act like that (from what the kids told me). Today is everyone’s first day of school the kids are going crazy because they’re wondering what to wear, if they look cool like all the other kids but it’s my fault I spoil them too much. “Hey Jason are you ready you’re going to be late” I said to Jason and he said “yeah I’m straight” and I said to him “well come eat your breakfast” and he said “no I’ll eat at school”. Then I said “hey Leslie come on I have to walk you and your brother to school” and she said “no time I’m gonna walk to school by myself” and I told her “dressed like that no you need to go change”. She was wearing short shorts and a tank top and at her age that is not tolerated in my book. She said “oh come on I’m going to be late” I told her “I don’t care yo u're not gonna go to school looking like that so go upstairs and change” and she said “fine but it’s your fault that I’m late” and I told her just to shut up and go change. I was frustrated because I thought I didn’t need to deal with this until they were older but that’s life and I chose this life to save my family not that’s a bad thing. When I dropped off Jason I was taking Leslie to school, the reason I put them in different schools is mainly because they hate each other and the last time I put them in a school together they were always fighting and I don’t want them to go to school with me because people get suspicious so we have to go to different schools so that way people won’t be like aren’t those the kids that ran away or something like that and they can recognize me, Jason or Leslie if we’re together. Anyways as I was dropping off Leslie, she ran quickly into the school I thought she would probably hang out with her friends and she wasn’t late it was barely 7:30 and the bell doesn’t ring until 7:50 and that’s why I got confused but I don’t know she probably wanted to go early or something. So I left after a minute of just standing there I went to school and a bunch of girls were looking at me which I’m not surprised because when I ran away in 1998 I got into a lot of trouble, I was getting into fights and I caused a lot of trouble in Brooklyn but that was my past and my future is right ahead of me. After school I called the kids and I told them that I had to go to the doctor because I got into a fight with them stupid girls and one of them had a knife and I got stabbed because I hit one of her girls and some guy named Danny Garcia helped me get to the hospital and he is the cutest guy in school but I have kids and I don’t know I’m not really into boys right now I just want to get my life straightened out first. Sometimes I wonder why I took these kids I kept saying to myself I need them in my life because my life wont be complete without them but I’m in the hospital and the doctor said I was fine but I can’t go to school for a couple of days so that’s that, then my brother was on his way to go pick up my sister, then Leslie was walking outside and there was these girls out there and they jumped her and Jason got there but she was already on the floor and the girls took everything of hers: her pack back, her cellphone, and her new jacket I barely got her that jacket. It was 50 bucks and from what Jason told me over the phone the girls were like 15 or 16 and I know that I’m not supposed to go anywhere because my leg has stitches but I can’t just sit around waiting until I get better and I can’t call the cops because they’re looking for me so I have to do this myself. So what I did was I got a bat and in case they get crazy a knife because I don’t know how old these girls are and I don’t know what they’re gonna do so I need to take back what belongs to Leslie because its expensive so I went to the school and I was looking around and the Janitor was still there so I asked him where the girls went and he said that they went to the cornerstore by the bakery and I ran over there as fast as I could and my leg was killing me and then I seen the girls and I went up to them and I was like you think it’s funny taking my sister’s stuff and they weren’t 16 they were like in their 20s but I took matters into my own hands and I hit them with the bat and then I took my sister’s stuff and I ran, the girls were coming after me but I was running so fast and they were slowing down and they were saying we know what you look like bitch but I didn’t care as long as I got Leslie’s stuff I’m ok but then I see the cops and I’m like great and I quickly got my phone out and I text Jason and the cops got me and I forgot to press send. Chapter 3: The Night in jail Later that night Jason and Leslie were waiting for me at the house because they never had to worry about me being late because I told before we started school that we would all be home at least by 5 or 6 and the latest is 8 but no later than that and once I was in jail I asked the officer can I make a phone call and the officer said ok but only 2 minutes and that’s all you get and I took it because I needed to tell the kids where I was before they freak out so I called Jason and he said “hello” all scared and then I said “Jason it’s me Jordan I’m in jail and I’ll explain later but now just be safe and don’t go to school tomorrow because I’m afraid something is gonna happen and keep your sister safe and this is only for a little while because I think they’re gonna send me back to Diana and John so just keep each other safe until I get back ok”.  Jason said “ok but what about you what can we do” and I told him that I didn’t want them to worry because I had everything in control but I needed to go because my time was almost up so I had to hang up but I told Jason to be safe and he said ok but be careful. The next morning they said that I had a visitor and I was confused because Jason and Leslie wouldn’t come to the jail and I went to the phone. There was Jenifer and Joseph and I was pissed because I didn’t want to talk to them or look at them and I told the officer I didn’t know those people and the officer said but they told me that you’re their daughter and they can get you out of here and I just sat and looked at them and said how do you know I was here and they said the officers called them. My dad said “I knew one day you would be in here” and I told him “shut up you don’t know me ok so shut the hell up and I rather stay in jail then go home with Diana and john or you guys” and they said that they loved me and I was like bullshit no you don’t because if you love me so much then why did you give me away and I didn’t want to hear their sob stories so I just got up and left. The officer said that I can make a call because they felt bad so I just called the kids just to see if they were safe and I was trying to figure out a way to get me out of here and the police officer said that I needed to hurry up because the boss wanted to talk to me so I just hung up and I told them that I love them. The officer and the detective came in the room and I was scared because I didn’t know what was going to happen and the detective said “Hello Jordan the reason I came in here today is because you are getting charged for stealing a car, taking kids that are not yours and for leaving the foster home” and I said “ok detective you can’t prove anything and plus you don’t know what those people did to me and I’m innocent” and he said that Diana and john were taking me back tomorrow. I had to think of something and I couldn’t think of anything so I was going back into that house. The officer comes in and says “Mrs. Sanchez your free to go your foster parents are here” and I got up from the uncomfortable bed and I walked out and I see them to uglies standing there and they had a stupid expression on their face and then Diana said “there you are come here I haven’t seen you in years we been trying to look for you right John” and he said “yes we have are you happy to come home you little cutie” and I just stood there and I was looking at them playing around and Diana got my arm and john got my other arm and we all walked like the happy family we’re supposed to be. Chapter 4: Round 1 with Diana Its 3 in the morning and I was on the way to their house and all I was thinking was what the hell are these people going to do to me. “Get out of the car you little bitch” Diana said as she grabbed me by my hair out of the car and into the house and John was looking out for the cops and when I walked into the house with these 2 idiots I only seen 1 difference and that was the bodyguards in case I wanted to leave again. Anyways Diana literally picked me up and threw me to the bodyguards and thank God they caught me and she said “John bring me my gun”. I swallowed the gum I had and then the bodyguards sat me down as Diana was waiting for john to bring her gun. “Here you go babe” John said as he was handing Diana the gun and then she sat down and asked me “where’s your brother and sister, did you enjoy your freedom” and I said to her “ I ain’t telling you shit and you can’t make me and the cops know I’m here” and she said “doesn’t matter if they know where you are I might just kill you before they get here unless you tell me where they are” and I said in a pissed off mood “go ahead kill me because it will take you forever to find them and you ain’t going to find them and if you hurt them I swear I’ll come back alive and kill you and yes that’s a threat”. “Wow you think your all badass now huh because you took my favorite car and you took all my money huh and you took all my food but you’re not you think you are, now im going to make your life a living hell” she said to me but I didn’t feel threatened and I said “what are you gonna do raise me again” and Diana looked at me and laughed and then she slapped me with the gun. Then she walked behind me and said “you know Jordan I can shoot you with this gun and you won’t have to worry about your brother or sister because I already found them” and then Leslie said “Jordan help us” and Diana said “oh look at that it Jordan’s ugly family, I think I’ll just kill your brother first” and I said “no don’t touch them or im gonna” and she said “what are you do runaway again honey I found you and I have security cameras everywhere I have booby traps everywhere any of you fuckers decide to leave, well I think we all know what’s gonna happen” and I looked down at my legs and I was depressed because I was thinking that this lady really got us where she wants us and then she said “take her upstairs, im gonna have a little talk with her little family” and I said “wait no Diana I’ll do whatever you want just don’t hurt the kids please” and she said “it’s too late Jordan not only did you get yourself in danger but you got your loved ones in danger”. Once the bodyguards put me upstairs I was thinking of a plan and I had no idea and I opened the door and they were still standing there. Then I heard yelling coming from downstairs and it sounded like the kids and I heard 2 gun shots coming from downstairs, then I heard footsteps and then I heard “hold it right there” and then 2 more gun shots and I opened the door and I looked at the bodyguards and they were on the floor bleeding to death. Then I looked at Jason and he had the gun and he stood still because it was his first time shooting people and I took the gun and put it on the floor and the kids were starting to cry and I was like shhh its ok and I was hugging them and I told them lets go and I called a cab and I wanted to leave the house because I didn’t want the cops to see me and the kids because then they would split us up and we went home and packed our stuff and I ended up moving with one of my friends because I didn’t want to get caught somewhere else and she didn’t mind and her parents would register the kids to school and they told me not to worry and that they would take care of everything and I was like what a relief because I need to rest and everything turned out fine for a little while. Chapter 5: High School 2 years later the year 2006, I’m a freshman in high school and 14 years old, Jason is 12 years old and starting 8th grade and Leslie is 11 years old and starting 7th grade. I have to honestly say that I was scared that it was my first day of high school because new people, new teachers, and more drama. Jason has a girlfriend named Jen and he is really nervous because he wants to make a good impression and Leslie has a boyfriend and he’s in high school and I know people say that age doesn’t matter and that what the heart wants what the heart wants and blah blah blah but I mean she’s a kid and it’s hard to take care of 2 preteens and now I have 2 more twin brothers Mikey and Michael(Jenifer and joseph don’t know when to stop so now I’m taking care of 4 kids and I’m barely started high school.) I can’t back out now because I can’t just abandon them they’ll hate me and I’m not sending them back to Diana and john because God knows what they’re going to do to them. Today is the first day of school and the twins first day of first grade (they are 6 years old and they were born in the year 2000) so yeah a lot of things happening today and we live in long Beach, New York. We had to move because people got suspicious of us so I took the kids and I live with one of my friends from school and she didn’t mind because she was an only child and then her parents put my brothers and sister in school and I was like finally I can enjoy my life in high school. As I’m getting ready for school then I heard my friend calling me “Jordan come on lets go I don’t want to be late for school” and I said “alright I’m done I can’t wait until we get to school I’m so excited” and she said “I know now let’s go I want to get there early because I want to walk around campus” and I told her ok let’s go and then we left but I wanted the kids to get dropped off first because I was more concerned for them than myself and we dropped off the twins, then Leslie and Jason and then me and my friend Stephanie. When I seen the school all I was thinking was wow its huge and there was a lot of people and when me and Stephanie were walking around some idiot shoved Stephanie and she fell on the floor and I was like dude that’s not cool so I went up to the guy(he was a big muscular guy but he was ugly) and said “hey watch where you are going” and then he said “bitch get the fuck out of here” and I pointed to Stephanie and then said “bitch you can get the fuck out of here when you apologize to her because you pushed her on purpose I think as a man you should apologize” and Stephanie said “look its fine lets go to class” and I said “not until he apologizes” and his girlfriend came up to me and she taught she was all badass and that her man didn’t need to apologize and said “bitch take your little whore with you and go to class before I beat the shit out of you”. I took off my backpack and I punched her and everyone around was like oh shit and I didn’t care either the guy apologizes or I'm gonna kicked out of school for beating up this hoe. And me and her fought but then the security guards were trying to break up the fight and then the dumpass that pushed Stephanie punched me in the face and it wasn’t an accident he did it on purpose and that really pissed me off so I took swing at him and I missed because the security broke me and that stupid bitch up and I couldn’t reach him and then after a few seconds I was in the principal’s office and Stephanie was waiting for me so we can go to class and the principal said that he was furious that it was the first day of school and he didn’t like it so he gave us both school suspension and I was like awesome my first day of school and I already got in trouble. Then once I left the office, Stephanie was complaining that it was just an accident and that I shouldn’t have done anything or said anything and that she could take of herself and she never stood up for herself she starts getting all freaked out and just stands there and she never got into a fight which is a good thing but still she doesn’t defend herself she’s even scared of her parents and well I don’t know what that feels like because I never had parents and I just wish that she would defend herself for once in her life, then when we got to class there I seen the cutest guy in school so far and I was like whoa but then I see his girlfriend and then my happy face came off my face, and I sat down. And then after school Stephanie wanted to check out the football players tryout for the team and I’m not into guys because most of the guys that I like are either in a relationship and usually they cheat on me anyway so I just try to find a date for steph because she took me into her own home, nobody has ever done that for me before and then when me and her were walking home her parents called and they said that they were going to the hospital because steph’s mom was having a heart attack and that if we can go pick up the kids and we had no choice so we went to go pick up the twins first and then Jason and Leslie. They were all fine but I was worried about Stephanie because when her dad called she got scared because her mom doesn’t usually get heart attacks but after a few hours her mom was ok. Chapter 6: Falling in love A few days later, Stephanie’s mom came back from the hospital and Stephanie was feeling better because she was devastated. Me and steph were in class and she said “hey do you want to go to the mall today with Kandy her boyfriend’s driving us though” and I said to her “sure but I rather walk” and she said “why?” and I said to her “because her boyfriend creeps me out he’s always looking at me weird and he’s older than her it just makes me uncomfortable” and she said “oh come on it’ll be fun and we can go get you a coffee or something please I want to go today” and I finally said “fine we’ll go” and the school bell rang. Kandy’s boyfriend came picked us up from school and I felt awkward because his friends were in the car and I looked at steph and she just looked at me. Thank God we were at the mall all ready and when we were walking around the mall I seen Danny Garcia the hottest guy in school. He had dark brown eyes and I love his red leather jacket and he had an amazing body and I'm talking about Taylor Lautner hot body and not only did he have a nice body but he’s a good listener and I know that because I did an assignment and he was listening because he was asking good questions and he’s actually my type of guy and when we seen him at the mall all I heard was “go talk to him” over and over again and it was steph. I told her “no I can’t just walk up to him what am I supposed to say and what if his girlfriend is with him” then I see Kandy walking up to him and she told him that I wanted to talk to him and I was like thanks Kandy and then he seen me and smiled and Kandy said his girlfriend wasn’t with him. Then as I walked up to him I tripped over some hangers and he helped me and I said “thanks I uh meant to do that” and he smiled and said “sure ok I believe you and I like your shirt its pretty cool, you like Linkin park?” and I said “yeah I love linkin park and thanks I made it myself” and he said “can you make me one and in return I’ll take you to their concert this Saturday” and I said all happy and smiley “yeah that’s sounds awesome but what about your girlfriend” and he said “she won’t mind” and I said “ok cool” and he said “ok it’s a date and give me your number and I’ll text you” and I gave him my number, then he left. I went to go find steph and then I see Danny with his girlfriend and they were arguing and I walked away and then I kept looking back and then I turned back around and I walked up to them and then I said “Hey what’s going on” and she said “go away you’re the whole reason we’re arguing and why are you taking her to the concert and not me” and he said “no the whole reason we’re arguing is because your jealous of her and you don’t like linkin park and I think she’s cool” and she said “oh my God and your date with him is over he is off limits” and I said “whoa don’t raise your hand at me and so what he can’t hang out with girls” and then she hit me and said “shut the fuck up” and then Danny said “what the hell is wrong with you why did you hit her” and he was trying to keep me on the floor because he seen me fight with other people so he knows but that’s why he was keeping me on the floor and she walked away. “Man what is wrong with her” I said to Danny and he said “I think she’s just jealous because she hates mostly everything and everybody and don’t take it personally but she hates you a lot for some reason”. Me and Danny were talking the whole time I was there at the mall and he made me laugh and I made him laugh I mean he’s a cool guy he’s smart, funny and he’s sexy (lol). Then he told me that he wanted to take his girlfriend to the fair and she doesn’t like the fair because it sucks and he asked if I ever wanted to go and I said yeah then he told me “your my type of girl Jordan your sweet, kind, and your kinda hot” and I looked at him and I said “kinda?” and he said " im kidding your hot, want to go out with me?” and I said “yeah” and he said “cool I’ll text you later because I need to go take care of sister” and I said “Ok I’ll see you later but you better break up with that bitch” and he said “ok I will love you” and I was shocked because I never heard those words coming directly at me and I was stupid to say “ok” and he walked away and all I was thinking was great I just screwed up my chances with this guy. Chapter 7: My first relationship Saturday morning, I got a text from Danny saying that he wanted to have breakfast and I text him back saying ok and I called steph and I told her “what should I wear Danny is taking me to breakfast and I don’t want to look stupid” and she said “just come with me because your clothes are boring” then she gave me a dress which I don’t wear very often. It was a blue short mini dress and I’m not really a girly girl, I’m more of a regular girl that wears anything but dresses or skirts anyways as I’m getting ready, the doorbell rang and Leslie went to go answer it and it was Danny and I was nervous because I wasn’t ready and I was upset and Leslie said “hey Jordan your hunky is here” and I said “ok I’ll be right down” and then Jason came in because he wanted to talk to Danny and then Jason said “hello Danny I heard alot about you” and then Danny said “thanks and you are?”. Then Jason was asking him a bunch of questions like, “do you like my sister, will you do anything to hurt her, are you going to cheat on her and where do you live” and those questions were ridiculous I mean he was acting like a dad and I never told Danny about my whole life, I just told him the basics like: where I was from, what my hobbies are and my favorite sports, you know that kind of stuff. But I never actually told what happened over the years with Diana and john but I need to get to know this kid before I tell him anything about my social life, then as soon as I finished getting ready I ran downstairs because I did not want Jason telling Danny about what had happen over the years. Danny got up from the table and he looked at me and he said “wow you look beautiful” and I said “thanks you too, I meant handsome” and Jason said “nice Jordan, so where you going?” I rolled my eyes and I looked at Jason and said “don’t you have homework to do” and he said “that’s Sunday’s problem today I get to do what I want or go where I want” and I said “go upstairs and help your sister with the twins” and Jason walked upstairs and said “Don’t be late Stephanie’s mom is making steak”. “Anyways are you ready to go?” I said to Danny and he said “yeah” and he held the door for me and he let me go first and I was thinking to myself this guy is a gentlemen and he’s treating me good but don’t get nervous this is your first real relationship so don’t screw it up (I kept saying it to myself). Danny knows how to drive which I was surprised because no teenager that I know knows how to and if they do know how to drive well then that’s great but most teenagers get into car accidents. As we were thinking of what to order Danny said “so what looks good to you” and I said "anything is fine” and he said “well how about the pancake combo it comes with eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, and pancakes” and I opened my eyes wide open and I said “wow um sure that’s sounds good” and the waitress came to take our order and I looked at her and it was Danny’s ex-girlfriend and I can tell that Danny looked uncomfortable because his ex and his new girlfriend were in the same room and we got into a fight on Tuesday but I can understand what he’s going through. Anyways as she was taking our order she was flirting with Danny which I didn’t like and I said to her “hey Jessica is that your manager” and then I looked at the manager and she says “yeah why?” and I called the manager and Jessica got all freaked out and the manager said “Good morning is there a problem”. Jessica interrupted me “no sir I’m just taking orders” and then I said “and flirting with customers” and then the manager looked at Jessica and said “IN MY OFFICE NOW (then he looked back at me and Danny) I’m sorry about that do you want a free dessert” and I said “yes please”. Then after they left us alone Danny looked at me and he said “I’m proud of you” and I said “for what?” and then he said “for always sticking up for yourself all the time and I forgot to tell you, you know how you got into a fight with that girl from school….. Well I went up to her boyfriend and I beat his ass because everyone seen him punch you in the face and I told the principal and he said that he was kicking him out of school... So I practically saved your life”. Then I said “well I always stick up for myself and I never back down when it comes to fighting someone and thank you I would have done it myself but I was busy” and he said “did your dad teach you how to be a fighting machine” and I looked down then I looked back at him and said “no I uh taught myself everything that my parents were supposed to teach me like I taught myself how talk, walk, and other personal things”. Then he looked at me all sideways and I wasn’t going to tell him but maybe this guy was ok and I need to talk to someone about it so I told him about Jenifer and Joseph, right away he was shocked and he couldn’t believe it. Then I told him about Diana and John of what they did to me and when I told him about them hitting me when I was sleepy, tired or hungry he said “that’s horrible and I know its none of my business but why did you stay” and I said “I don’t live with them anymore, I live with Stephanie’s parents because I have a criminal record and I had to run away and I’m not going back and I’m going back there tonight to get one more baby but I need help getting there because if I walk down the streets the cops can easily sweep me up like that and I don’t want to scare the kids again”. Then he looked at me and he said “you want to take you” and I said “no I already have myself in danger and the kids and I can’t do it again because if Diana and john find us…. They’re going to kill us” then my phone rang and I answered it and I said “hello?” and then the person said “hi is this Jordan Sanchez” and I looked at Danny and I said “yes this she” and the person said “this is your neighbor from across the street the kids are fine but Stephanie and her parents just been shot” and I said “ok I’ll be right there” and then the person said “ok” and I told Danny “I got to get home right now” and he just followed me into the car. “Jordan what’s going on” he said to me while he’s trying to start the car and I said “forget it I’m running and I’ll tell you later” and I got out of the car and ran and then Danny said “what happened”. As I was running I heard the cops and I jumped into the bushes and thank God they didn’t see me and I ran towards Stephanie’s house and I put on my sunglasses and my hoodie so that way the cops don’t notice me and the officer said “ma’am you need to step back” and I said “I live here”. I ran towards Stephanie and I said in tears “Stephanie….. Stephanie can you hear me” and the ambulance said “is this your sister” and I played it off and said “yeah is she going to be ok” and he said “she’s dead and so are her parents from what I heard a blonde lady with short hair, she was 135 pounds, she has a tattoo on her shoulder and she came to the house and started shooting when they were in the front yard”. I looked at Stephanie and I started crying and he continued “we tried to come as fast as we could but it was too late and the kids are fine thank God they weren’t in the house they left once they heard gun shots and another guy was with her and I think it was her husband again someone told me this and apparently he took something of yours” and I ran inside because I didn’t want them to touch my safe and I ran into the kids’ room and I went towards there closet and I opened the door and they took all of the money that I took from them and they took the kids baby pictures and I knew it was Diana and John because the last I remember she had blonde hair and it was short but then i thought to myself they're still alive and I looked out the window and I said “I need to get the bags and get out of here” then Danny ran into the room and said “are you ok?” and I kicked him because I didn’t know who it was and he said “it’s me” and I said “I hate you” and he said “why what the fuck did I to you?” and I slapped him and said “it’s all your fault” and he said “what the hell did I do to you” and I said as I was packing the bags “because if I hadn’t gone out with you none of this could of happen and you were on your phone a lot what did you do text someone to kill them” and he said “shut the fuck up”. I said “wait I know you, your wearing a disguise” and I pulled off the wig and it was Danny’s ex Jessica and I said “why did you do this” and she said “because you took my boyfriend and they paid me to keep an eye on you” and I said “how could you do this to me and was he behind all this too” she nodded yes and I said “you can keep that piece of shit because all you are going to be is a fucking slutty ass motherfucking bitch that you are and tell Diana I’ll be seeing her around because if she hurts that baby I will fuck her up and I hope you die in hell” and she walked away and said “beware of the bitch because when you least expect it she will come after you”. Then after I had all the bags packed I took the kids and we started walking and I couldn’t find a place to live so we just camped out and I don’t know what to do. Chapter 8: On the search for a new place Well, know me and the kids are all walking we have no money, no food, nothing to drink and I’m starting to think that maybe we should go back but then I don’t know and I said to the kids “I don’t think I can do this you guys I love you guys more than anything but we can’t walk around the streets all day trying to find a new place to live we’re all wanted and I have a criminal record and I can’t take care of you guys by myself so what I’m thinking is that we should go back” and Jason said “no Jordan we don’t want to go back we want to stay with you we missed 7 years of your life and we want to be in it forever so don’t give up now we’ll find a place” and I started crying and then I heard a car coming towards us and I pushed the kids back and I pulled out my gun that I took from Diana and I pointed it at the car and I see the lady and it was the lady that helped me on my feet when I ran away in 92. Her name was Mrs. Johnson she was sweet old lady I think she’s in her late 50s or 60s but she’s pretty cool and when I seen her she said “hey Jordan what are you doing on the side of the street and who are those kids?” and I said “those are my brothers and sister do you live far away from Brooklyn” and she said “oh you still running away from them” and I smiled and said “yeah so you think we can live with you” and she said “oh sure go ahead and put your bags in the trunk and just to let you know I don’t live here in new York no more I live in Jackson, New Jersey its beautiful the beach is beautiful and the only reason I only come to visit every few days, how come you still live here in Brooklyn” and I said “it’s because the Ki- who’s the baby” and she said “that’s your brother Johnny I found him at someone’s house in a dog basket and I can tell it was your brother because I seen Diana and John carry him around the store before but they barely noticed me but yeah I picked him up for you plus he looks like you” and I smiled and I said “thank you very much Mrs. Johnson” and she said “your welcome and please call me mom”. I loved Mrs. Johnson so much she would take me to the fairs and she would take me out of town and she’s like the grandma you always wanted and when I was 5 she put me in a small home and that’s how I got the old beat up house but the thing is that Mrs. Johnson could have took me into her house but she had grandkids to watch over and I didn’t want her to add more pressure to her back so I left and I kept the house that she told me to go to and so she helped me a lot and now that her grandkids are all grown up she misses them but we should keep her mind off of them for a while. Mrs. Johnson said “so who are all of you kids” and Jason said “I’m Jason, this is my sister Leslie, the twins names are Mikey and Michael and who are you?” and Mrs. Johnson said “I used to take care of your sister for awhile but then she wanted to be on her own and now she realizes it was mistake” and I said “ yes that’s right I learned from my mistakes and now I’m making up for it by giving you guys a better life so that’s why we’re moving to Jackson, New Jersey” and Leslie said “no way pull over I’m not going there my friend said that’s a dangerous place” and Mrs. Johnson said “honey its not that bad I lived there for about a year and where I live it is not dangerous and if your worried about making friends don’t worry these people are nice and friendly trust me you guys are going to love it and over there you guys don’t need to hide from anybody”. We were on our way to Mrs. Johnson’s house I looked at the kids and they didn’t look happy but the whole reason I’m going to new jersey is because over there we won’t need to be hiding and the kids won’t get into trouble and I can get a job and finish school. Mrs. Johnson said as she was getting out of the car “we’re here!” and I said to the kids “look I know its not new York but this is where you can be safe and you won’t have to hide know get your bags out of the trunk and treat Mrs. Johnson with respect Jason because I can see it from your face that you don’t like her” and he said “its not that I just don’t feel comfortable and dad wouldn’t like it” and I looked at him and I said “dad didn’t care about any of us because if he would, you wouldn’t be here with me” and he got out of the car and got the bags and I know that right away he didn’t want to talk to me anymore and so I just the bags out of the trunk and Mrs. Johnson’s house was beautiful it was just a normal house it has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and it wasn’t much but hey at least its something. “Alright go ahead and put your bags down and I’ll fix you guys some food” Mrs. Johnson said and I told the kids that we were going to have to share rooms because we can’t all fit into this house so I told the kids that Leslie and Jason can room together and Mikey and Michael can share one room and I’ll have the other room with the baby. While Mrs. Johnson was making dinner we were unpacking our bags, then Leslie walked into my room and closed the door and said “are we really going to live here Jordan” and I said “for the last time yes we are going to live here” and she said “I hate you because instead of dealing with Diana and John you just run away from your problems that’s all you do” and I said “shut up don’t you ever talk to me like that and you don’t know the half of what they did to me because you and your brother didn’t have to deal with it and you guys probably can’t handle it anyway and don’t judge me and stop dressing up like your 21” and she said “what’s wrong with what I’m wearing” and I said “you look like a hooker” and she slapped me and walked out of the room and I said “oh hell no” and I walked into her room and I took her phone, her short shorts, tank tops, and her laptop and I took it and put it in a box and she said “what are you doing” and I said “you don’t ever slap me ever and your grounded for 2 months and no TV and you’re going to school with me in the morning so I can enroll you and then I got to enroll your brothers and you have to walk to school like we did at home” and she said “that’s so unfair I have to walk to school” and I said “ no you need to hitchhike yes you need to walk to school and then right after school you come home do your homework, then you do your chores then go to bed and that’s it and no boys” and she said “you can take my phone, my laptop, and my clothes but you can’t take my boys from me I have reputation around here” and I said “in New York you could have gotten away with this but here you can’t get away with stuff like this” and she said “you’re the worst sister ever” and I said “go to your room” and she went into her room. After a few hours she went in my room and broke my favorite necklace and my favorite picture of the kids and I went to go make the baby a bottle and I heard Leslie’s voice and someone else’s it sounded like Mrs. Johnson and I went to go check and it was and Leslie was sitting down at the kitchen table and Mrs. Johnson was talking to her about her behavior. When I see them two talking and Mrs. Johnson said “I don’t understand why you’re acting this way your sister is trying to make your life easier and safer, I mean are you really that selfish and I know the reason why your acting up is because you miss your parents and I’m just trying to talk to you before Jordan gets up to yell at you so think of this as a time to grow up….oh and if I ever see you hit your brothers or sister then you pack your stuff and you can sleep outside” and Leslie said “ok so what can I do to make her not be mad at me anymore” and Mrs. Johnson said “be a good kid tomorrow and don’t give her a hard time and make her feel like she’s important and I don’t want to hear a bad word out of your mouth now that your living here and be nice to your brothers and I’m going to tell them about all this tomorrow now go to bed its late” and Leslie said “ok goodnight mom I love you” and she gave Mrs. Johnson a hug and I was surprised when she called her mom and then I went back to my room and fed the baby. Next morning Leslie cooked breakfast for everyone and she was treating everyone with kindness and Mrs. Johnson enrolled the kids in school already and she said she’s trying to figure out a school for me and I told her that that I was gonna have to go to a high school in new York because there’s no schools that would consider me. The only schools that would consider me is the high schools in New York so I enrolled into schools that were in new York and in about a year I can start driving to school so everything’s pretty good. Chapter 9: The guide to getting my license The year 2008 is finally here only 2 weeks before my birthday and I can get my license, Leslie’s not being a snotty brat anymore she’s actually starting to be a good kid and she’s dressing more appropriate, Jason is ok but he still has the habit of talking back to me, Mikey and Michael are doing ok but they got into a fight at school because some kids were making fun of them and so they got into a fight but overall their ok, Mrs. Johnson is doing good too actually she’s been taking Leslie shopping and showing her around town and well the baby is ok he’s barely 2 and he talks already. So basically my life is ok but we’re still struggling but everything will fall into place but the whole school thing for me is not going so well, mainly because we have to drive all the way to new York just to go to school and then last year was pretty bad because I ended up getting pulled over by the new York police men and luckily they didn’t notice me well because my hair isn’t black anymore I had to dye it a different color so that way they don’t notice me and I got taller and that’s basically everything. Now all I have to do is get my license and turn 18 and I can buy my own house and I’m cool, I been having a lot of doubts lately for some reason like, if I should have come to new jersey or if I should have taken the kids but I mean Diana and John are the meanest parents ever and I can only imagine what they would do to my kids (now I’m calling them my kids because I been raising them basically their whole life). “Let’s go guys I don’t want you to be late for school” and they all said “coming” and I said “wow you guys are hyper, eat your breakfast” and they ate their breakfast and Mrs. Johnson said “Good morning” and I said “good morning Mrs. Johnson did you sleep well” and she said “yes I did and I forgot Jordan you got a phone call from the driving program thingy and they said that you can take the test and if you pass you get your license” and I said “yes finally I can get my license and go to places and..” and she looked at me and said “if you pass the test” and I said “That won’t be a problem and I been practicing ever since I was like 5 or 6”. She said “well, if you think you can do it, we’ll start driving tomorrow or when you come home from school” and I said “why?” and she said “because you need to study and I want to see if you’ll do good and no radio or phone or cute boys” and I said “fine and the cute boys don’t look at me anyway because I look stupid” and she said “why don’t you just change your style I mean you look like you want to kill somebody and your always wearing black, dark blue, dark colors and your always wearing a sweater or a jacket” and I said “first of all how do I look like I want to kill somebody and the only reason I wear dark colors is because I hate yellow, green, pink, and brown and second of all why are you telling me how I should live my life” and she said “I’m trying to make your life easier by taking care of the kids and paying for school clothes and if you don’t like it here you can sleep outside with the dogs” and I said “fine well if that’s what gets you off my back then I’ll sleep out there till I’m old enough to where I can my own house and take care of the kids how I want to” and she said “fine when you get back from school Take your shit and get out of my house”. At that time I knew I got her mad because she cussed at me and she never cusses at me or anyone but if you piss her off to where she can’t deal with you anymore she will make your life a living hell. After school I went to Mrs. Johnson’s room and nobody was in there and I see the kids and I said “have you seen Mrs. Johnson anywhere” and they said “she’s outside watering the grass” and I ran outside, went up to Mrs. Johnson and I said “Mrs. Johnson I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way and I promise I won’t do it again” and she said “let’s go” and I said “where” and she said “to the car so you can start driving” and I said “so your not mad at me” and she said “no I have been tough on you and I don’t want you to ever say anything like that ever again, do you hear me” and I said “yes ma’am never again”. We drove around for like a half hour and that was it and when we got home she didn’t criticize me or anything, she actually was giving me good advice like to stay in one lane and then if I want to turn I need to use my signal and other stuff. Chapter 10: "Who's the boyfriend?" 2 days later I went driving with Mrs. Johnson again because she doesn’t want me to fail and I totally understand I mean I don’t want to fail either but as I was driving around the neighborhood I got a phone call from Jason and I told Mrs. Johnson to answer it. “Hello Jordan’s phone” Mrs. Johnson said and Jason said “can I talk to Jordan” and Mrs. Johnson said “wait I’ll put you on speaker because she’s driving” and she put it on speaker and she said “ok what is it” and he said “Leslie’s in the hospital and I just picked up Mikey and Michael can you come pick us up and then drive to the hospital and see what’s going on with Leslie and all I know is that she’s at the hospital” and I said “ok Jason get the kids and wait at the school and we’ll go pick you up”. As I was racing to go pick up the kids and get to the hospital, I was shaking, nervous and worried because Leslie usually calls me but instead she calls Jason and I’m a little anxious to see what happens. As we arrived at the hospital I got off the car as quickly as I could inside and I asked the front desk lady “what room is Leslie Sanchez in” and then some guy like 15 years old said “I know where she is I’ll show you” and I was confused but I followed him anyway and we went up to the room. The family and I were waiting for the doctor and she finally came out and she said “Jordan Sanchez” and I said “yes that’s me, is she ok” and she said “yes but I think you need to sit and calm down” and I sat down and I said “ok I’m calm” and she said “Leslie is pregnant (my face went blank) and she’s 2 months pregnant and her boyfriend is sitting right other there” and I looked at the guy and said “you little stupid son of bit-” and the doctor was covering my mouth and held me back. After a few minutes I calmed down and I went to go see Leslie and she was scared just from her face and I said “Are you ok?” and she said “yeah but you’re not gonna yell at me” and I said “not till we get home because here there is to many witnesses and at least at home I can tell you how stupid you are, how did you even get out of the house” and she said “Jordan I have a window and I sneak out of the house” and I closed the door and said “YOU KNOW THIS IS ABOUT THE STUPIDEST THING YOU COULD HAVE EVER DONE, DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT’S A JOKE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID AND SLUTTY” and she said “I’m not a slut if I’m a slut you’re a whore”. I slapped her across her face and said “don’t you ever talk to me like that EVER in your whole entire life and that dumbass that got you pregnant is going to help you with that baby when I’m around or when Mrs. Johnson is babysitting” and she said “ok Jordan chill out” and I said “NO I’M NOT GOING TO CHILL OUT THIS IS BAD REALLY BAD”. Me and her kept arguing and arguing but after a while I just stormed out of there and then Mrs. Johnson Said “Jordan are you ok” and I said “no my little sister is 2 months pregnant going on 3 and I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I should send her to a program for teenage pregnant girls or something I just don’t know what to do” and she said “we’ll figure it out I don’t want you to give up on her yet” and I said “how can I look at my pregnant little sister, I mean I never dealt with something like this before I mean she’s just a kid having a baby” and she said “everything will be ok” and Jason said “you dealt with all of our problems and we always got threw them together as family” and I said “well not this time she can figure it out on her own”. About 2 weeks later Leslie was starting to get pains and I was fed up with her Bullshit already I mean she’s acting like she’s a grown up now that she’s pregnant and just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she’s a grown up. Another thing is that everyone is telling me you should help her and that you should be taking her to the doctor’s appointments and I don’t have time and plus she can take care of herself, I got a phone call from Jason saying that if I can take Leslie house shopping and I said to him “why do you want me to take her and why is she going house shopping and he said “that she wants to be a grown up and she needs a place to live and that she can’t live in the same place with someone who doesn’t want to help her” and I asked “if Leslie was right there so I can talk to her” and he said “that she was at the doctors” and I said “ok fine I’ll go pick her up”. I drove up to the parking lot and I went up the elevator to the floor that Leslie was on and I waited till she got out and after a few minutes she was out and I walked up to her and I said “ready to go house hunting” and she said “what are you doing here, I thought Jason was supposed to be coming to get me” and I said “look I know I haven’t been there for you but I promise that I won’t back out but you’re not buying a house, me and Mrs. Johnson are going to buy the house we already found a few houses but we need all of you guys to come and I usually don’t let the boyfriend come to the house but he’s the father of your baby and he needs to be around her/him and I’ll talk to his parents and see if he can get a job because he’s like 15 (he’s 2 years older than her) and he is old enough to get a job and make money to buy the baby stuff like clothes and stuff but I mean I need to show you how to take care of a baby and the bad thing is I’m going to have to homeschool you or online school”. Leslie was a little pissed off because she didn’t answer me the whole ride home and Leslie is tough kid, she will never be angry with me well not for a long time anyway and as I was waiting for her to answer me she finally said something “look Jordan the reason I was gonna find a house was because I wanted to be an adult and I knew you didn’t want to help so I asked Jason if he can help me find a house because he’s the only one that would help me” and I said “Leslie look at me I promise that I will never turn my back on you and I’ll help you threw this pregnancy ok” and she said “deal thanks Jordan and he doesn’t know that I’m pregnant” and I looked at her and said “but I thought why was he at the hospital” and she said “because I told him I got sick from the food from school” and I said “Leslie this is serious and invite him to dinner and we’ll tell him but I think you should tell him gently don’t get him all freaked out”. Chapter 11: The sit down 2 weeks later, Leslie was finally going to tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant and she’s going to do it because it’s his baby and I don’t want to tell him the consequences. “Leslie come on you said you would do it and I told you what day and today is the day so come on” I said to Leslie and she said “I know but do we really need to tell him right now” and I said “yes because he needs to help you with this baby” and she said “I don’t want to though” and I pulled her arm and said “come on your wasting time” and I drove her to the restaurant and we both got off the car and she was wearing a dress so that way he won’t tell that her stomach got bigger. We walked up to the table and he said “hey babe and the girl that yelled in my face at the hospital” and I said “hi and hello you must be his parents” and the lady said “hi im Denise and this is my husband William and this is my daughter Janie and that’s her dog crystal and that’s her brother Michael and this is my newborn Mary” and I said “you have a big family and it’s nice to meet all of you” and her husband said “we would have brought all our family but they’re in school right now” and I said “how many kids do you have?” and he said “we have 10” and I said “wow that’s a lot of kids um why don’t we sit down and order” and Denise said “we already ordered and who are you?” and I said “oh sorry I’m Jordan this is my sister Leslie and my brothers would have come but this conversation doesn’t include them” and she said “oh yes why are we here” and I looked Leslie and she said “Babe I have something to tell but don’t get upset” and he said “why would I get upset” and she took a deep breath and said “I’m pregnant with your baby” and everyone stood quiet for like 5 minutes and the mother said “is this a joke” and I said “no its not a joke, the day that Leslie went to the hospital wasn’t because she was hurt in sports or anything the doctor came out to tell me that she was pregnant and I was angry, upset, and I was terrified and when she told it was from your son I exploded and I wanted to hurt him but I stood back and the doctor said that she got the test results and it his baby” and the dad said “well what do you suppose we do”. Leslie said “the reason we came here today was to tell you I was pregnant from your son and I am 2 months and 4 weeks pregnant and I think the responsible thing he should do is get a job and help me with the baby and if he doesn’t help with the baby or doesn’t do anything I’m taking him to court and he’s going to be charged for getting me pregnant” and we looked at his parents and I said “so are we going to compromise or are we going to fight and Leslie doesn’t want an abortion or adoption she wants to keep the baby” and her boyfriend said “why do you want to keep it” and she said “because I’m going to feel guilty for not keeping him or her” and he said “well I guess were fighting” and the dad said “no you ain’t, you’re going to help provide for that baby its yours now and you need to be her side” and Leslie said “no its ok if he wants it to be like that I guess I’ll see you in court” and the mom said “wait, he’ll help” and we both looked at him and he said “fine I’ll help with the baby but don’t tell anyone at school about this” and I said “ I’m homeschooling her because she can’t go to school because she’s pregnant” and he said “ ok but still don’t tell anybody” and Leslie said “what am I going to ruin your reputation at school or something” and he said “no I just don’t want no one to know” and she said “ I’ll call  you later” and we left. 2 months later, he has a job, he is trying to get his license but you have to be 16 to take the test but he’s practicing and we finally found a house we had to rebuild it. It had 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, and a backyard, now it has 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and they all have bathtubs, and a huge backyard so there’s a bedroom for me and the baby , one for Jason, one for Leslie, the baby and maybe Aaron (Leslie’s boyfriend) one for Mrs. Johnson, and one for the twins. So everyone has a bedroom and no one is crowded like we used to be Leslie is having a girl and she is excited and I am too but I’m still waiting till that baby gets out and see if she’s going to be good at being a mother and if Aaron is going to be a good father. They been taking parenting classes for teens but I don’t think they really know what they are doing so when they get home I teach them how to feed the baby and I been letting her take care of her baby brother because so she can see how to take care of a baby and she’s doing good but the boyfriend needs some help I mean he has the feeding thing down but changing the baby and taking it a bath I don’t think he knows how to do it but hopefully he can get through it. The parents have been coming from time to time to bring Leslie food and baby clothes and baby stuff but they were boy stuff so I’m guessing Aaron didn’t tell them but today he told them that Leslie was having a girl and they were like great now we have to take all this stuff back and get girl clothes. I have been helping Leslie sleep because she doesn’t sleep very well and I noticed that she dreams about my mom and dad because she would be saying mom can you help me with this and that and I was think that maybe my mom and dad were probably nice to them but then again I can be wrong. Chapter 12: She's finally here It’s 4:30 in the afternoon and the baby is almost here and everyone is waiting for the baby to arrive and Aaron is in the room with Leslie and I can hear “Push” being repeated in the other room and I was happy but then when I heard some squishy gushy sound fall on the floor I threw up because it was disgusting and I can hear Aaron saying oh my God and I know that it he is super freaked out and Leslie was so embarrassed because her water broke when we were at the store and everyone taught she peed on herself and I was laughing at that time but then when I heard her saying the baby’s coming and then that’s when we rushed to the hospital and I heard a baby crying and the doctor called me and I went inside and there she was Victoria Browns Sanchez (browns is Aaron’s last name) and Leslie was so happy she finally got to hold the baby and I left her and Aaron alone to talk and they were talking for hours and I finally went in there and I said “is everything ok in here” and they said “yes we’re fine” and I said “ok because me and the kids are going home we’re tired and text me like around 5 or 8 o’clock because I want to sleep and enjoy your baby” and they said “we will” and then when I went home and fell asleep I kept hearing my phone going off and I answered and it was my friend Daniel and he said he wanted to go out and he’s just my friend ( I don’t like him that way) and I said “dude I’m asleep” and he said “ok but there’s hot dudes out here” and I had no Idea he was gay and I said “ok im up” and he came and picked me up and I said “damn there’s a lot of cute guys here man” and he said “I know look at him” and I said “you can have him” and he went up to the guy he liked and they started making out and I was like how come he can get a guy but I can’t and I said “hi” to a lot of guys but then I see a guy from school and I went up to him and he said “hey what’s up” and I said “you know who I am” and he said “fuck yeah you’re the girl that punched that bitch out last year or the year before that” and I said “well you know I have good right arm” and he said “hell yeah you do” and me and him made out but he’s a sloppy kisser so I went home and I couldn’t find Daniel and I see him and he was having sex with the boy he was making out with and I was like ok I’m walking home. There was a lot of creeps out at night and I thought new York was bad but over here in jersey its worse and as I was walking home and it was a long ass walk home and I see some fucker that kept looking at me and honking the horn and at me and I said “fuck off bro” and he said “come here baby I want to rock your world” and I said “leave me alone dude” and he said “you don’t remember me” and I said “Danny?” and he said “what’s up” and I said “how the hell did you find me” and he said “you can’t hide from me girl even if you wanted to” and I said “just leave me alone Danny im not in the mood” and he gave one of his friends the signal to come and get me and he said “you’re coming with me and I ran away but then the dumbass caught me and I said “let me go” and I was kicking and screaming and the guy put something over my mouth and the next thing I knew I was knocked out for like an hour and I finally woke up and I was strapped in a chair and I had Duct tape on my mouth and I see people around me and then I see Danny come towards me and he pulled the tape off my mouth and I said “ah you stupid motherfucker let me go” and he said “yeah I’ll let you go but I need you to do something for me” and I said “I ain’t doing shit” and he said “yes you are because if you don’t do I’m gonna pay your family a little visit” and I said “how did you find out where I live” and he said “the realtor is my buddy” and I said “what do you want” and he said “I think we know what I want” he started touching my leg and I said “your perverted you know that” and he slapped me and he said “drink this” and I looked at him and said “why” and he said “it’s a special juice” and I said “ok fine” and I didn’t swallow and once he turned around I spit it out and nobody was around me so that was good and he said “ now you will be knocked out for hours” and I said as I was pretending “oh no you little bit-” and he said “shhh shhh” and I said “I hope you die in he-” and he said “wait what did you say” and he unlocked me for some reason and said “what did you say” and I said “come closer” and he came closer and I said “FUCK OFF” and he was holding his ears and then I got bat and he said “you tricked me you little whore” and I said “back off Danny or I’ll” and he said “or what you gonna run away again” and I said “no you but are” and I hit him with the bat and it knocked him out and I was looking for a gun and then as I was looking a gun he got back and he got the lamp and he hit me on the head and I hit the floor and he was searching my pockets for evidence but once he touched my stuff I hit him in the face and I got the gun and I pointed it to him. “Give me the gun Jordan” he said and before he said anything else I shot him and then I see people coming into the room and they looked at Danny and then at me and they came after me but I shot them and I said “I need to get out of here” and then I see the realtor and I shot him too at that time I felt like a badass but then I said “ you did it for your safety” and I took one of the cars and I drove home and I see Mrs. Johnson outside and I pulled over and I ran towards them and I started crying and Mrs. Johnson said “Jordan? Come here” and I gave her hug for worrying about me. I thought I was going to die and I was scared because when you’re in situation like that you don’t know what to do or who to trust. It was 4:15 in the morning and Mrs. Johnson put on the news and the news lady said “there was a shooting at a house on Northern Boulevard and there was about 6 people dead Daniel Evans with the story: and Daniel (my best friend) said “Yes Rebecca the shooting was pretty bad and the damage that the person left behind was just outrageous and I speaking to Serena Smith who was at the party and might have some information that everyone must know, know tell Serena did you see what actually happened inside this house?” and she said “I don’t know exactly what happened but you know we were just partying like we always do and some girl comes in and ruins it she starts shooting everyone and she actually took my 2011 Honda and I was upset and I don’t know how she got my keys” and he said “do you have any idea who the girl is?” and she said “no but my friend Danny knows her but I never met her I heard about her like she was hard core person to hang out with and I told him why don’t you invite over I want to meet her and ever since he hasn’t invited her and all I know is this girl lives like in the high country and I just hope they find her because if she kills anybody else she will pay” and he said “thank you Serena well you heard it here first if anyone knows what had happen here or who it is call 602-silent witness back to you Rebecca”. She said “thank you Daniel for that outrageous story just in we had another story about a missing vehicle somewhere around Jackson and it looks like someone ditched the car and we found a purse and it has 30 dollars, a picture of a car that says my dream car, a pair of sunglasses and a friendship bracelet the lady down there is taking a sample of the girls sunglasses and she says that its Jordan Sanchez, If you have any information about this girl call 602-silent witness”. Chapter 13: The story of my life Mrs. Johnson said “Jordan?” and I said “I’m turning myself in because I don’t want the kids to be seeing me get taken away again” and she said “Jordan?” and I said “I can’t do it I’m going to just give up on myself and the kids are going to have to go back with Diana and john because I don’t want you taking care of them” and she said “Jordan I need to” and I said “I mean how long can I hide I mean I’m wanted over in new York and now there looking for me here in jersey what’s next I’m going to California and im gonna get caught there too” and she said “Jordan someone is on the phone” and I answered it “Hello Jordan speaking” and some girl said “look you should turn yourself in and see what the judge says and maybe give him an explanation of what happened” and I said “who is this” and she said “let’s just say I’m a friend” and I said “I don’t trust you how do you know I’m not gonna stay in jail forever and never come out and I never been to jail for more than a day and I was lucky I didn’t get raped” and she said “ok Jordan calm down you can trust me because once your brother Jason called me I said what is going on and he said my sister needs help she has a criminal record in new York and now she has one here in jersey and I just want to get her a good lawyer to get her out of all this bs and I said ok well give me her number and I’ll call her myself and I’ll invite her to dinner and we can talk so now I just want to make things easier for you Jordan I don’t want you to get hurt or thrown into jail ok I really don’t” and I said “how soon can we meet up” and she said “I’ll go to your house right now and we can talk things over ok I’ll take you some dinner” and I said “ok thanks”. The girl showed up at my doorstep and I opened the door and said “come in” and she said “thank you wow you have a lovely home” and I said “why don’t we sit down and discuss the things that are wrong with me” and she said “nothing’s wrong with you Jordan I just want to know what happened over the years so I can help you” and I said “well it all started when I was born” and she said “ok go ahead” and I said “when my parents had me it was the best day of my life but then when we drove to Brooklyn, New York because there was house there and my mom and dad didn’t want kids so the next thing I knew I was in the foster home and I hated the foster home mainly because my foster parents Diana and john would beat to sleep, they would, beat if I was hungry or tired and I remember when Diana told me when I was around 2 years old and she said Jordan do you know that you will never ever be smart and you will die just not today and that I wasn’t important and I know it’s hard to hear because I was at such a young age but they didn’t care I seen Diana kill 2 kids right in front of me one of them was my closest friend and she killed her because she didn’t show up on time for dinner and the girl was only 1 second late and she killed her and the other one was 5 and he didn’t do anything, he was just a quiet kid and she killed him for not taking out the trash and when I turned 3 she (started to cry) tried to kill me when I was asleep and when I woke up she backed off and said go back to sleep and I was scared because I thought I was going to die. After a while she left me alone and when I started learning how to walk and talk and fight I packed my stuff and I left because I knew if I stood there longer I would not make it out”. She said “that’s sad Jordan how come you didn’t go to the police then” and I said “because if I went to police she would kill me, she would break out of prison and kill me and john wasn’t bad but he still will kill me too and after 4 years I went back because I felt that I needed to go back because I needed shelter but then again I had shelter I just needed money but a little girl in a big city trying to find life somewhere but when I got back from my little trip I found it” and she said “found what?” and I said “family, I found family, my little brother and sister were my family and when I see them with my parents all I was thinking was why do they have kids and put them here I mean there’s better places but I know this sounds stupid but I’m glad that I went back because if I haven’t gone back I wouldn’t have seen them my brother and sister”. “ok know can you skip to what happened at the party” she said and I said “do you want to know how I got here or not” and she said “continue” and I said “anyways when I see my sister she was wearing a blue striped dress and white shoes and my brother was wearing a black shirt with dark blue pants and white shoes and I was happy when they said that they wanted their big sister Jordan that made me feel good that I was finally part of a family and after a while about 5 years later”. She said “I’m sorry this a depressing story, I just want to know what at the party” and I looked at her and said “oh it is but what I’m telling you is true about what happened at the party is true, well simple I went to a party with my friend Daniel and he seen a guy that he liked and they made out I partied for a little while and then I got tired to where I wanted to go home and when I went to the car he was being very friendly with the guy so I walked home and its 30 minute drive home and its like a 6 hour walk home and it was dark and there was guys honking at me saying hey baby you can ride me any day and I kept telling them to leave me alone and one guy Danny Garcia he drove up to me and said hey baby you need a ride and I said fuck off bro and he said come on I know you want this and so I walked a little faster and he still kept following me and then he finally told his friend to go get me and I ran once I heard a car door open and I ran but the guy caught me and I couldn’t move because the guy covered my mouth because I was kicking and screaming then I finally knocked out and then when I woke up I was tied up in a chair and I had duct tape on my mouth and I see Danny come up to me I got freaked out and he ripped the duct tape off my mouth and I said ah and I told him to let me go and he said no I don’t think so and he told the people that were in the room to leave us alone and I told him what did he want with me and he said that he wanted sex from me, he gave me a drink that made me knock out and I didn’t drink I made him think that I drank it and when I was knocked out I said I want to and I didn’t finish the sentence and he unlocked me and I got a bat and knocked him out for like a minute and he hit me with a lamp and started touching me and I slapped him, found a gun, pointed it to him and he said give me the gun Jordan and before he said anything else I shot him and the people in the other room heard the gunshot and I shot them too because they were coming towards me and I needed to protect myself, I left but then I see the realtor and I remember Danny saying that was his buddy so I shot him too and I took off with a 2011 Honda but I knew the cops were going to find out about the stolen car so I just ditched the car and ran home and that’s it” and she said “you could have just ran away from Danny”. I said “he works for Diana so If I ran he would catch me and he knew where I lived” and she said “ok I’ll make some calls and see what I can do” and I said “wait that’s it you’re not going to help me” and she said “I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll discuss it” and I said “but that’s what we are doing right now” and she said “tomorrow”. Chapter 14: I'm going to court A few days later I was in court with the best lawyer in the state and I kept saying that I hope I can get out of this and I failed I ended up going to jail for 6 months and it was hell because the girl that was in my cell kept beating me up every morning and I was like hey this feels just like but just worse. The food was disgusting I threw it back and I hated it, Mrs. Johnson kept coming to visit me because she didn’t want me to suffer but it was too late I was suffering, the kids were too she told me and she also told me that the officer told her that I had to stay an extra 2 months for what happened in new York and I was like great I missing Leslie’s birthday for this shit and I was so frustrated I wanted to see the kids and I wanted to tell them everything was going to be ok but what do you expect when you have people coming after you and the best thing you can do is to kill them and I learned from my mistakes. “Mrs. Sanchez you have a visitor” the officer said, I walked out and they escorted me to the phone and I see the person sitting there and I told the officer I didn’t know her and he said that it was great grandma and I sat down and I picked up the phone and said “hey grandma Maggie” and she said “hey sweetie look at you all grown up, your sister and brother told me that you were in here and I said for what and they said because she ran away, she killed 6 people, and she stole a car”. I said “look grandma a lot has happened to me over the years that you don’t know about the kids too, we all been through a lot and I can’t take it back as much as I want to I can’t” and she said “I asked the judge if I can take you out of this place and he said that he’ll let you go in 2 weeks instead of 2 months and he said he understood what you were going through because the guy you were talking about took his little girl when she was 14 and he raped her, and took naked pictures of her, and he killed her once he was done with her so you’ll get out of here in 2 weeks” and I said “wow that’s great because I don’t want to be here anymore grandma”. She said “I know you don’t, nobody does but he said if he catches you one more time committing any more crime your saying in jail for whatever your sentenced to” and I said “thanks grandma, wait how did you know I was here in jersey” and she said “Television and I went to go visit Diana and john but they said you were gone” and I said “wait I thought they were dead” and she said “no they’re still alive, wait what do you mean still alive” and I said “I’ll tell you when I leave from this place”. That was the end of that conversation, I couldn’t believe it that Diana and john were still alive and I was more surprised when I see my grandma, I never had a grandpa, her ex-husband left her and that was my mom’s dad and she hasn’t found a man yet I wonder why?. After 2 weeks I was home and I finally got to see my brothers, sister and her baby, I was so happy to be home and it felt good to eat a hamburger with fries, a shake, and onion rings. “Hey Jordan um I know you just got out of jail but you think we can throw you a party to welcome you home” Leslie said then Jason said “because we want you to feel good about yourself and we want you to be loved by all the people that love you and support you” and Mrs. Johnson said “we all love Jordan and we want you to have a good time but not here” and Mikey and Michael said “we want to have the party in..” and everyone said “IN NEW YORK CITY” and my eyes went wide open and I said “ok let’s do it but I think you should have surprised me instead of telling me” and Robert said “well we will surprise you when we get there and don’t freak out but Mikey and Michael have been reading your journal and we seen your crush and we invited him to your party”. I stood up and I said “WHAT” and Jason said “ok don’t hurt us but he said he likes you and your pretty cool so please don’t hurt us” and I said “he said I was cool and he likes me? Cool” and Mrs. Johnson said “and your grandma is going too and does she have a boyfriend” and weirdly nodded and she said “oh ok cool I can’t wait to see her” and I said “ok? Moving on um sure why not but to warn you I haven’t been myself” and Leslie said “Jordan you haven’t been yourself for years” and I made a face. The day of the party was the day I got out jail and I tried to enjoy it but my family invited my enemies and the girls I got into a fight with and just to let you know I got into a lot of fights when I was in jail for 6 months and I was so pissed off when I seen the girls I used to go to school with. The girl came up to me and she said “hey Jordan I’m glad you finally got out of jail I mean you are just the most wonderful person ever and Jonathan doesn’t want to be with you he wants sex and he won’t get the from you” and I said “look you little whore everyone knows you had sex with every guy in our class except for Jonathan and he likes me” and she said “don’t make me laugh hahaha he likes you hahaha” and Jonathan said “hey Natalia hey Jordan do you want to do something this Friday night” (Natalia’s face went from laughing to grrr and I looked at her with a little smile). “Sure why not and why wait let’s do something right now can I get you a drink” I said then he said “sure come on” and he took my hand and I looked back at Natalia and I flipped her off and she got pissed it was hilarious because the most popular girl in school just got turned down for me a normal girl that went to jail and is having an awesome time with her friends and enjoying life well trying to anyway. The party ended surprisingly with no drama, no one got arrested, no one started a fight, and it actually was a good night. Chapter 15: 2010 Finally I’m 18 I can keep the kids, get my own house, and do whatever the hell I want to do with my life fuck Diana and john im free the cops can’t send me back to them fuckers im free finally. As I’m enjoying my victory I seen Mrs. Johnson talking on the phone and she was yelling into the phone I needed to go check it out for myself so I went outside in the backyard. “Mrs. Johnson is everything ok” I said but she hung up the phone pretty quickly and said “hey Jordan what’s up?” and I said “What is going on Mrs. Johnson” and she said feeling guilty “look Jordan it wasn’t my fault but she wanted to do it” and I said “DO WHAT?” and she said “Leslie is getting married” and my jaw went down and I said “Married, she’s not old enough to get married why didn’t you tell me, I haven’t seen her in a week and I thought she was staying at her friend’s house” and she said “well she is but in Nevada” and I said “what the hell is she doing over there”. I was so shocked that Leslie was getting married and I was more shocked when I heard that she was in Nevada and that’s no place for a kid and I said “I can’t believe this after all this time you have been covering for her” then she said “im so sorry Jordan I’ll fly down and go get her” and I said “no haven’t you done enough” and I got in my car and I raced to the airport and I said to the front desk lady “what time is the next flight to Nevada” and she said “I’m sorry but we are all sold out” and I said “you need to get me on the first flight out to Nevada because my little sister is getting married and I didn’t know I thought she was staying at her friend’s house but apparently not so please whens the next flight to Nevada” and she said “next Tuesday” and I said “next Tuesday? Do you have a map to get there” and she said “here you go and please be careful there is a lot of car accidents happening out there and the people are crazy” and I said “Thanks for the warning” and I went back home to pack. “Jordan what are you doing?” Mrs. Johnson said then I said “im driving to Nevada and I’m bringing her back” and she said “but what about the kids” and I said “you’ll take care of them won’t you” and she said “no we are all going with you whether you like it or not” and I said “fine I’ll take the kids out early and I’ll tell the principal that they will be out for 2 weeks” and she said “a week?” and I said “yes a week its going to be some stormy whether tonight and I don’t know how the weather will be when we get there and Leslie is in so much trouble for this and I can’t believe you covered for her” and she said “then you’ll hate the kids because they knew too” and I said “WHAT?”. After the boys got off school, the bags were all packed, and all their seats were buckled up we were on our way to go pick up this girl, I mean who does she think she is to be flying out to Vegas and get married and another thought came to mind was why Vegas?. The whole six hour ride was annoying I have Jason texting on his phone, Mikey playing his Nintendo, Mrs. Johnson calling my grandma that we were going to go pick her up once we get to Florida (I forgot to mention my grandma and Mrs. Johnson are dating…… yeah their a lesbian and I’m surprisingly ok with that) Michael was talking to his best friend in the world, and Jason keeps making annoying sounds. “WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO FOCUS ON GETTING LESLIE BACK AND COME HOME WHERE ITS QUIET SO MRS. JOHNSON TELL MY GRANDMA YOU LOVE HER BUT YOU NEED TO GO PLEASE AND JASON IF I’M DRIVING GIVE ME YOUR PHONE AND ROBERT PLEASE BABY BE QUIET AND MIKEY DO REALLY NEED TO PLAY THAT GAME RIGHT NOW AND MICHAEL PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIEND YOU CALL HIM LATER PLEASE I JUST WANT TO GET ACROSS THE STATE AND THEN WE will rest and for a day or two and then we will do it again but please for God’s sake just listen to some music” and Robert said “just plug in the ear phones into the audio jack and listen to the radio and you want have to hear us annoy you” and I said “just for you to stop annoying me on the way there”. It’s been a week and we passed Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, and now we are in South Carolina and we are all struggling but mostly me because I been driving this whole time, I mean Mrs. Johnson Drove too for a little while but she said once we get to Vegas grab her and I’ll drive us back home so I hope I can make it to Vegas without sleep. “Hey I’m getting a call …..It’s from Leslie?” Jason said then I said “answer the phone but don’t tell her we are going and put her on speaker” and he said “ok… Hello?” and Leslie said “hey what’s up dude” and he said “nothing just got home from school” and she said “Jordan doesn’t know about this does she” and he said “no you think I’m an idiot why would I tell her anything she’s stupid” and she said “yeah I know but look Jason don’t tell anyone especially Mrs. Johnson” and he said “what?” and she said “I’m Pregnant again” and I said quietly “again?” and he said “I don’t know what to say Leslie I mean I thought you were the good one but I guess not” and she said “what do you mean the good one” and he said “Jordan was counting on you and when are you just gonna call her and tell her where you are because I feel guilty not telling her anything about this and it doesn’t feel right” and she said “everything will be fine once I get married next week I’ll call her after the wedding” and he said “why did you pick Vegas for the wedding anyway” and she said “because I got a fake license and people over here will believe anything and they don’t really give a fuck” and I answered the phone “look Leslie I am on my way to pick you up from Vegas and I already called the Vegas police station to go look for you and keep you in the office until I get there and you can’t leave the state” and she hung the phone. “Fuck” I said then Jason said “what are you doing” and I said “I’m calling the Vegas police station so they can keep her and Aaron there until I get there” and the police station picked up and said “Hello Vegas police station how may I help you” and I said “ok this is going to be a long story my little 16 year old sister is down there and she is getting married and I was wondering if you can please keep her and her boyfriend Aaron Browns in hostage until I get there to pick them I barely found out about this like a week ago and if you can please help that will be wonderful hello. Hello son of a bitch” and Mrs. Johnson said “language” and I said “sorry I’m trying to get them to help me because Leslie can leave the state and go get married somewhere else and she’s not going to tell you where she’s going because I picked up the phone and I told her I was going to go get her so know we have to wait to see what happens. Chapter 16: "Where is she?" A few days later we finally got to Vegas and we had to split up me and the twins, My Grandma and Mrs. Johnson, Jason, and Robert, it was a mess I couldn’t find them but I found Aaron sitting at a bench all by himself and I ran to him and said “Aaron what happened, where is Leslie” and he said “I don’t know and I don’t care, me and her broke up” and I said “well Aaron if you’re having trouble finding her I’ll” he interrupted me “I mean what do you expect Jordan for me to stay with her I know that it’s my baby and shit but I’m 18 years old I don’t need to listen to my family they don’t choose my decisions I do and you can tell Leslie she can go fuck herself and do whatever the fuck she wants with the baby I don’t care anymore I just want to have fun and enjoy my life I mean you have no idea what I am going through”. “I do know what you are going through Aaron I am going through the same thing with my sister and brothers and I’m guessing Leslie hasn’t told you about what happen but I think that’s just because nobody knows the story because I never told it to anyone and look Aaron I know it’s tough trying to raise a kid but why are you backing out now I mean those great 2 years of your life with that baby didn’t make you smile” and he said “of course it made me smile but what am I supposed to do with my life raise a kid and then when she gets older what do I tell her oh yeah sweetie I got your mom pregnant with you and I never got to be a teenager again and you ruined my life”. “I didn’t enjoy my teenage years and I didn’t enjoy my high school years but I got through it with these kids (I showed him a picture of the kids) that’s my future forever and I didn’t have to do it I could have gave up and go enjoy my life too but then what good is that gonna do I’m going to be watching the news and the lady says ‘and today 5 kids were stabbed to death’ and those people Diana and john are very bad people and I ran away because she tried to kill when I was asleep” I said. Then said “you enjoy life, I’m going to go look for my sister and if I don’t find her don’t be surprised when you see her on the news announcing that she’s dead”. I left him alone because he was being a jerk to Leslie and he said that he didn’t care what Leslie did with the baby, my Grandma couldn’t find her either so it was a disaster and I wasn’t giving up because a little girl once said ‘Don’t ever give up when it comes to finding family’ and then I stopped for a minute and I thought because I was born in Vegas and I kept remembering and then I remembered where my old house was and I called my Grandma and I told her that I knew where Leslie was at and to meet them at street where her old house was and I ran there with the twins and I see Leslie sitting on the bench and I walked towards her and I said “hey how you doing” and she said “I’m sorry Jordan I didn’t tell you about this I know that it was wrong but I thought marrying Aaron would keep him around but he left me” and I said “I know because I talked to him and I told him that if he wanted to go and enjoy life he can do it but he can’t just run back into your life and make things better again Leslie you deserve so much better and you better not do this ever again do you hear me, you could have never seen me again and the last thing I said to you was have a good day sweetie” and she said “can we go home I don’t want to be here anymore it’s reminding me of the bad times like the fight with Aaron” and I grabbed her and I took her to the car and I went to go pick up the kids and My Grandparents. After a few hours Leslie was starting to forget about Aaron and she was starting to cheer up and Jason was talking to her trying to be the big brother and I ended up driving home because I didn’t want to stop anywhere so if anyone wanted to go to sleep they can sleep in the car. After a few days, we were back home and I was so exhausted from all that driving and on the way home I seen so hot ass guys I was like wow now that dude has a body and he was the hottest dude and guess who got his number this girl me Jordan Sanchez got his number and everyone else was ok but then leslie got a text from Aaron that he was sorry and blah blah and I told Leslie not to fall for his tricks but she keeps talking to him but I let her deal with it on her own. “Hey you need to come eat dinner it nice and hot… It’s your favorite spaghetti with meatballs” I said to leslie and Jason said “ha ha you said balls haha are they big” and I said “they’re huge now shut up” and Leslie says “thanks Jordan but I can’t forget about him and I’m took attracted to him” and I said “I got it, why don’t we ditch school tomorrow and we’ll go shopping how does that sound” and she said “ok” and I said “but for now can you eat and then once you eat you’ll come back and go to sleep” and she said “ok and I need to tell you something about my second pregnancy doesn’t exist” and I said ‘yes’ in my mind and I told her “oh that’s ok as long as your home safe right” and she said “right thanks Jordan you’re a cool sister” and I said “thanks you are too”. Leslie ate and then a few hours later I found out some bad news….. Chapter 17: Round 2 with Diana It’s CHRISTMAS time finally I can the kids and everybody something for Christmas and Leslie wanted to give her kid up for adoption because she couldn’t take care of her and she was always tired and getting up going to school tired and I didn’t want her to go through that so I took her out of school and now I’m homeschooling her but today I had to go visit Mrs. Johnson and my Grandma because we live in a house and they live in an apartment. So as I’m driving towards their apartment I seen cops and ambulance in front of me and they are going the same street as me and I stepped on the gas to go faster because if there’s cops and ambulances then something went wrong so I stepped on it and I finally got to the apartment and i seen the cops going into my grandma and Mrs. Johnson’s apartment and I ran upstairs and the officer told me “Miss you need to step back” and I said “that’s my family” and he just let me go and I walked inside the apartment and I seen blood all over the place and I seen the ambulance coming towards me and they had like some sort of bed with them and they carried my Grandma out first and then I seen another ambulance and they got Mrs. Johnson and I said “excuse me but what happened to them are you the owner of this building” and he told me to follow him and I did and we went into his office and he said “look um I don’t know what happened but this video will explain what happened this morning and im so sorry for your lost”. He put a video clip of what happened this morning and I see a lady and a guy and they broke into my Grandparents house and they looked like they were in there for a long time and the guy said he lost one of his security guards and I heard 2 gunshots and then another 2 gunshots and I started crying because I was thinking to myself and I couldn’t understand why these killed my grandparents they are all I have left and I see 2 kids go in the room and when I seen their faces it was my cousins from  and I was wondering what they were doing there. I see the people running out of the apartment with a bag and the boys were going after them and they got shot and I said to the guy or manager or whatever he was “where are those boys” and he said “keep watching” and i watched and it was Diana and john and after they shot the kids they put them in the bags and then I heard the tv and the news said “that two bags were found in the lake today around 12 o clock at noon and it seems as if there was 2 little boys in the bag here’s Daniel Evans with the story Daniel” and he said “thank you Rebecca and yes there was 2 little boys in the lake found dead and I feel so sorry for their family’s lost and may the boys rest in peace back to you Jor I mean Rebecca”. I broke down when I heard that they killed my Grandparents and I wish they were here so I can tell them I’m sorry because I fought with them when I told them I wasn’t going to their wedding. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and it was Daniel and he looked at me and he gave me huge and said “I’m so sorry Jordan I know this hurts you a lot” and I said as I was crying “I miss them so very much Daniel I swear I don’t know if I’ll be able to live another day knowing that they’re gone” and he said “Jordan Jordan look at me I know this is hard for you but you fought through your whole life and you always got through all those bad times and worse times I mean leslie got pregnant and you said you wouldn’t help her but you did and you taught her how to fight, you taught all the kids to fight and you Jordan Sanchez are going to fight just like you always been doing” and I got a call from Leslie and I said “hello” and she said “Jordan we need you right now” and I said “look Leslie” and Diana said “it hurts don’t it when you lose something very valuable to you” and I said “Diana?” and she said “yup me and the kids are going out of town for a little while” and I said “How did you find them and i thought you were dead?” and she said “your grandma had your address to your house and we came and gave your brothers and sister a little visit and your brother is very tough trying to shoot at me and the blood was real but I got out of it alive and guess who I’m killing first”. Then I told Daniel lets go and I continued “look Diana we can make a deal you let the kids go and you can kill me because I rather myself dead than them, what do you say” and she said “I love the offer but I don’t want you dead Jordan I want you alive and i don’t need you because you are grown up now and I don’t have to be responsible for you anymore just the kids goodbye we’ll tell you when we get there” and I said “where?” and she said “it’s a mystery” and I said “wait Diana” and nobody answers and I said “fuck don’t go to my house just keep going straight” and he said “why what happened” and I said “Diana got them and she won’t tell me where the fuck they’re going I am just so pissed off right now I don’t know what to do” and I called the cops and I told them that they kidnapped my little sister and brothers and they killed 2 of my brothers and they said that they will try to look for them and Daniel said “so what are we doing know” and I said “drive keep driving till we find them dumbasses and there’s nothing I can do” and then my phone rang and it was Jason “look Diana lets meet up and we’ll talk” and she said “fine but if I see cops Jordan I’m killing your brothers and then your little slutty sister” and leslie said in the background “I am not a slut” and I said “fine but don’t touch me or the kids where should we meet up” and she said “city island, Bronx, new York and be there in 45 minutes” and I said “that’s a 2 hour ride from here” and she said “well tell the kids that your sorry that they are gonna die” and I said “no I’ll make it” and she said “yes you will goodbye” and she hung up. We got to the place where Diana said she wanted to meet me but she’s not here and so I called her and she said “hello” and I said “where the hell are you?” and she said “I am over here” and I was looking around and I couldn’t see her and I said “where?” and she said “get out of the car” and I said “ok but don’t get me from behind” and she said “I won’t” and I stepped out of the car and I said “ok I’m out where the hell are yo” some guy was covering my mouth and i couldn’t breathe then Daniel came from behind and hit him with the bat and he said “let her go you stupid motherfucker” and he carried me to the backseat and I looked over and the guy was on the floor and he said “Jordan you ok” and I said “what happened?” and he said “don’t worry about it your safe now” and me and Daniel clicked and then next thing I know I was falling in love with him. Chapter 18: Love at first sight I didn’t think Daniel would be a really cool guy but he is and he’s kind of cute but I forgot that he was gay so dating him would be crazy but I mean he is so gorgeous to me anyway and I hope he likes me Jordan stop it you like him but you don’t want him to know that so keep it to yourself but I mean he’s and I said it out loud “so cute” and he looks at me and said “what?” and I said “nothing um I thought that shirt looks really cute on you” and I was like great now he thinks I’m crazy and he said “oh thanks my brother bought it for me” and i asked him “oh what happened to your boyfriend” and he said “oh I don’t like that ass whole found out he was using me to make someone jealous” and I said “wow so what are you gonna do now” and he said “find someone else maybe I’ll date a girl or guy that has some since” and I said “wait your bisexual” and he said “no I just made out with that guy for fun you know just to try it” and I said “oh cool” and he said “can I ask you something” and I said “sure” and he said “can I kiss you” and I was stupid to ask “why?” and he said “never mind forget it” and I said “wait no I didn’t mean that and what I meant to say was ok” and he said “really?” and I nodded yes and me and him started getting close and closer and we kissed for like 2 minutes and it was awesome and we pulled apart and me and him were like “you were good” and I was all smiling and next thing I knew we took it to the backseat and can I say he is wonderful in bed too (just kidding we didn’t take it that far). About a year later Leslie was with me but we couldn’t find Jason or the baby or Mikey and Michael Leslie said something about Jason going to Mexico to smuggle drugs into the U.S. and that was not going to happen not one of my kids is going to jail so we took the first flight to Mexico and it was a 6 hour flight and my ass was tired of all the traveling so we just walked to find Jason and leslie said she seen him in the corner and it looks like he was waiting for someone so I just told them to wait and to give me money so I can pretend I’m buying drugs from him so I went up to him and I was like “sup wanna make a deal” and he said “Jordan?” and I said “shut up I’m going to pretend that I am buying drugs from you” and he said “but why?” and someone said “eh perra le dejas en paz” this means hey bitch leave him alone and I said “is he talking to me” and he said “Jordan don’t” and I said in Spanish “estabas hablando conmigo, porque si usted es decir a la cara” this means are you talking to me because if you are come say it to my face and the guy said “vete a la mierda perra volver a donde vinieron” this means fuck you bitch go back to where you came from and I said to him “lo decimos otra vez” this means say it again. And he said “vete a la mierda perra lo que no entiendes es que ese maldito retardado que quiero decir es lo que entiendes nada” this means fuck you bitch are you that fucking retarded I mean do you understand anything and I said as I pointed the gun to him “poner sus malditas manos arriba ahora que es diana y donde está mi hermanito robert no estoy jugando más” this means put your fucking hands up and where is Diana and where is my brother Robert im not playing around. And he said “que está en la colina, diana a la izquierda y que no sé dónde está ninguno de nosotros lo hacemos” this means he’s up the hill and Diana left again we don’t know where she is none of us do and I said “vas a venir con nosotros porque si me disparan eres mi copia de seguridad y la niña de pie detrás de ti, voy a matarla si no está ahí y no me gusta poner los niños de las personas en peligro, pero si tengo que i 'll hacerlo” this means you are coming with us because if i get shot you are my backup and that little girl standing behind you, i'm gonna kill her if he's not up there and i don't like putting people's kids in danger but if i have to i'll do it. “He’s right there” Jason said and I said “go get him” and I said to the guy “usted y su niña con suerte, voy a dejarte ir, pero si tengo la policía viene detrás de mí que voy a la cárcel por cometer un asesinato en usted y su niña” this means you and your little girl are lucky, i'll let you go but if i have the cops coming after me i'm going to jail for committing murder on you and your little girl. And I said to him “o si no te mato ahora y deje ir a la chica” this means or should I kill you now and let the girl go and he said “por favor me deje y se vaya señorita Jordania porque yo no quiero morir por favor, te lo ruego” this means please let me and her go miss Jordan because i don't want to die please i'm begging you. “bien puede ir, pero tengo 2 más niños que quedan de encontrar y si están bien entonces no voy a volver, pero si yo puedo encontrarlos y oigo que Diana los mató entonces voy a volver y te voy a matar y ella y lo siento, pero estos chicos significa todo para mí no tengo padres que me dejaron y creo que usted sabe donde están por lo que me dicen” this means fine you may go but i have 2 more kids left to find and if they're ok then i won't come back but if i cant find them and i hear that diana killed them then i will come back and I'll kill you and her and I'm sorry but these kids mean everything to me I don't have parents they left me and i think you know where they are so tell me. He said one of them is in Tijuana or La Paz and the other one is in California somewhere and when we went to Mikey and he was safe thank God but I need to find one more kid which is Michael. Chapter 19: "Michael where are you?" It’s been 2 weeks and we still haven’t found him and I was so pissed well everyone was pissed off and I ended up splitting up me, Leslie, Mikey and Daniel, Jason, and Robert and we still haven’t found him and all I was thinking was why California and I even put fliers and nothing and I said to everyone “where can he be?” and everyone said “I don’t know”. We all were thinking the same thing why California and we were all thinking hard but nothing and then we stopped for a while and went to go eat and maybe come up with a plan and Daniel said “ok so far we went to go find Leslie and where were you born” and she said “New York in the Bronx why?” and he said “that’s where we found you and Jason where were you born?” and Jason said “Mexico city” and Daniel said “Robert” and I said “he was born in Mexico city too but he was up a hill” and he said “maybe Diana is putting Michael where he was born, quick Jordan where was he born?” and I said “I never found out I never got his birth certificate” and Mikey said “he’s in Hawaii” and I said “what? Hawaii are you sure Mikey because we have no more money if we go out there” and he said “yes I’m sure he’s my brother now let’s go”. We were on our way there to Hawaii and it was a long drive but we got there and we had to split up again and I couldn’t find them but then I found out that he was in Honolulu, Hawaii thank God and he was safe but the bad thing is we don’t have so we all have to get jobs because the prices of the tickets are high and me and Daniel got jobs so did Jason and Leslie had to take care of the kids and I got a job to be closer to them and so after 2 days we got 500 for 1 adult ticket and Mikey and Michael are 150 and leslie and Jason are 250 and Robert is 50 so we need exactly 1700 hundred dollars and we still need to make money for food while we are here and I love Hawaii it’s beautiful but the thing is Jason makes 150 a week and he volunteers feeding the homeless center or something like it and he always wanted to do something for the community so I let him do it, Daniel is waiter at a restaurant and he gets every week a 1          50 too and I make 200 hundred a week but my job is so hard that I can’t explain it but its hard. After 2 weeks we barely made 800 and that is still not enough and I was wondering what we can do then I heard leslie singing in the shower (she was singing to Lady Gaga’s Alejandro I love that song). When I heard leslie singing I was like she can sing and make hundreds of dollars and I went to go tell everybody that leslie can sing and we will out of here by tomorrow or maybe tonight and I told the boys to make flyers and I told leslie that she was working tonight, that she was going to make money singing and she said she doesn’t know that many songs and I told her I would help her. I helped her sing beyonce songs, Miley cyrus songs, and other songs from different artist and then it was 5:30 and it was time for the concert and leslie started singing and everyone was going crazy and people kept giving us money and that night we made 10,000 dollars and then when we got to California everyone seen leslie and they were going crazy and I was wondering why? And I was guessing that someone in Hawaii put her on the internet and a music producer came up to her and said “hey kid your pretty good at singing want to make a record deal” and she looked me and said “please” and I nodded yes  and she said “I accept and does this mean I get to move here” and he said “we’ll if your 18 but if not your going to have to wait” and she looked at me and I said to him “how about this we let her stay with one of my cousins here and they are taking her to all of her concerts and going with her on tour because I have stuff to deal with” and he said “what’s wrong with LA” and I said “nothing sir its just if im going to move here its going to be a long time before she can make a record” and he said “are you her manager” and I said “no I’m her older sister” and he said “well how about this I’ll make her famous and you just help her make herself look good and I’ll ship your stuff here and you can buy a house here” and I said “ok you have a deal and make my sister look good”. Chapter 20: Leslie's famous About a year later Leslie was going on tour she actually caught up pretty quickly and me and Daniel are engaged and Jason is engaged too with his girlfriend Jessica from Hawaii and I’m letting him get engaged because he’s 17 years old and he’s starting to be a good boyfriend to her and she’s being a good girlfriend to him and they are getting married next year because in case they change their mind but we still need to see how that goes and leslie is 16 years old and she loves giving people autographs and taking pictures and I’m pretty happy for her because she can do something with her life and I have something to do with mine. Mikey is starting to like girls now and he’s only 11 years old and he actually started talking to this girl and I was so glad because he deserves it because he has been tutoring leslie because I don’t want her to go to school because the kids went crazy when they see her face and I don’t want her to get hurt so I told Mikey to do it. Michael is a little bratty but he is a good kid but he’s trying to be a badass and he’s leslie’s makeup artist and he said he likes to work with makeup and I just worked on her new clothing line and girls are buying the clothes like crazy they love the shirts and everything so everything is fine. And the best part she got an award for best female actress and I’m so happy for her and she told me to go with her up on stage with her (and yes she’s acting now too) and I said “I am so proud of you leslie that I am sending everyone that voted for her, she’s having an after party celebrating her success so thank you all and you are all invited” and leslie said “thanks Jordan my manager and thanks to all my fans out there without you I wouldn’t be standing right here in front of millions of people so thank you and bless you all love you all” and she thanked me for the after party because she wasn’t expecting it. And when she got another award for best female singer when I went up to talk someone shot at me and they got me and when I looked to see who it was it was Diana and I can tell because that bitch was fat and her hair was blonde but thank God I had my phone right there and it saved me and I was still alive and leslie got off stage and I went with her and I said to the security “what the hell are you guys doing out there she could have got hurt and I could have died don’t you know how to do your job” and they said “we checked every person that enters this building (the other security said) except one” and the other security said “what do you mean except one” and he said “there was this lady” and I said “I’m suing you I got have died on the stage, you need to check the building I think she is still here” and then my phone was buzzing because I got text from Diana and she said “did you enjoy the show” and I called her and said “What do you want from us Diana aren’t we a pain in your ass” and some lady looked at me and I said “its my grandma” and she nodded ok and Diana said “yeah but it was sure fun seeing you fall on the floor” and I hung up and I said to leslie “lets go we need to get out of here” and she said “why” and I said “because I need to do something” and I texted Daniel and told him to bring the kids and get out of there”. He said “babe what happened on stage” and I said “Diana did it because when I went up there with leslie she didn’t shoot the first time but when I went up there again she just shot me and I’m sorry guys I didn’t mean to do that but I need to something about this bitch or she will keep trying to kill us” and he said “what are you gonna do” and I said “shh” and Diana said “hello” and I said “meet me in new York in that hell whole you call a house and I’ll meet you there in a 2 hours” and he said “what are you doing” and she said “yes my dream came true ok see you later gator” and I hung up and we got to the house and I was packing my bag. Daniel said “do you mind telling me what you are doing” and I said “I’m killing Diana and John and any other people that she knows because she won’t stop Daniel I mean what happens if she sees us on our wedding say and she shoots at us as we are about to say I do I need to kill her and don’t tell the kids because they’re going to get scared” and he said “what do I tell them” and I said as I was getting my weapons ready “just tell them I’m going out of town for a little while and don’t tell them nothing else” and he said “ok but you don’t need back up” and I said “no I need you to stay here and watch the kids I got the first flight to new York” and he said “babe be careful please and stay alive” and I kissed him for like a second and I said “I will and you stay with the kids at all time this won’t take long” and I ran out of the house. Chapter 21: Diana is dead to me I was on the flight to new York and I needed to talk to Diana before I send her to hell and I was pissed off because she tried to kill me but then the plane was going down and the pilot said “everyone stay in your seats, buckle up we are going down” and I was scared because I see a lot of movies about plane crashes and I felt like I was going to die but then some of us made it out alive and I asked the pilot what happened and she said “it seems as if someone shorted out the battery” and I can tell it was Diana because she is evil so I called Diana and said “having fun yet” and she said “almost once I get my hands on you” and I said “well your lucky I made it out alive and I’ll drive” and she said “ok Jordan have fun” and I said “I think I’ll walk but it might take me a while” and she said “take as long as you need I’ll be waiting” and I hung up and I was thinking of a plan because Diana probably has cab drivers wanting to kill me and she probably has people coming after me so I just walked all the way from California to new York and man did those 3 months suck. It was the first year that I spent Christmas and my birthday and valentine’s day alone but I did it for the kids to get here and then as I was walking to new York I killed like 10 or 20 people before I got to new York and I had to because they were trying to kill me. Daniel has been calling me every hour and I was tired so I didn’t pick and I guess he thought I was dead because he kept calling me and saying baby you still out there so yeah I been through a lot and Jason said that he wanted to come because he wanted to be my backup and I was in New York but man it was tiring walking I mean now in days you don’t know who to trust and I mean it’s just it sucks when you want to see your kids so badly but then someone comes in and ruins it. It’s been a week since I been in new York, i never been so far away from the kids before and leaving them with my fiancé and its messed up because you can’t do anything when you have someone coming in and ruining all your happiness and the reason I haven’t went to Diana’s house yet is because I’m scared and my legs hurt like a bitch from walking so much. After 2 weeks of sitting I finally get up and go to Diana’s and to tell you something I never tried to kill Diana in my entire life because I know I would get charged for it or go to jail. Today is March, 21st, 2012 the day I kill Diana or at least talk to her first and then kill her but I need her to feel guilty for what she put me and the kids and all the kids that she hurt. I was on my way to Diana’s house but I needed to get myself a gun, a bat, and other weapons to take care of myself and I need to do it because then she will kill me right when I walk in and I was arriving at the house and all I was thinking was if I’m going to out alive and if I can do this but I know I can so I started walking up the stairs and then once I was at the last top of the stairs and then I heard ‘ding’ and the house exploded and I flew back and then I got a message from Diana saying “If you want to come face to face with me you need to come find me first bitch have fun hunting I sure as hell am” and I text her back saying “You crossed the line Diana and you best believe that I’ll find you” and she text back saying “you’ll never live another day Jordan you realize that don’t you” and I text back “I’ll find you”. I hung up and I called Daniel and I told him to stay with the kids at all times because Diana and john were probably going that way and I don’t want nothing to happen to them. After 2 weeks I finally found Diana and I was really pissed off at her because not only did she try to kill me but I had to walk all the way too Canada just to come talk to her but now I just want to fight her. Chapter 22: Kicking Diana's ass “Hi Diana we finally are face to face oh and look no one around to stop me when I’m done with you” I said then she said “Hi Jordan how are you” and I said “shut up Diana I been taking your crap all of my life and I’m tired of it and I just want to let you know everything that you did to me and how it made me feel” and she said “well what did I do that was so bad” and I said as I got my bat and broke her favorite stature of her and john “well you almost killed when I was 3 years old and younger (then I hit one of her other statues of her and john and said) you killed people right in front of me for no reason and you stool drugs and brought drugs into the state and yes you made money but then what happened” and she said “you came back and stool it from me and took my favorite car” and I said “you didn’t even drive it and it was a good car and you have never took it out for a drive” and she said “fuck you Jordan and stop fucking with my statues those cost me hundreds of dollars” and I said “what about these pictures” and she said “only a dollar but..” and I said before I broke her pictures “uh oh look at that oh no what a tregdity” and she said “jordan you don’t know what I can do to you” and I said “come at me bitch that’s what I want you to do because you made my life a living hell and I ain’t taking it no more and say goodbye to john” and I shot him and she said “John… What the hell is wrong with you” and I said “well you took what was mine and what belonged to me” and she said “what your grandparents, your best friend, and her parents and Danny” and I said “what are you talking about” and Danny said as he was pointing the gun to my head “hello Jordan give it over” and I said “Danny why are you doing this” and she said “I’m paying him to and if he don’t he’s going to die and I’ll kill his family” and he said “and I ain’t going to let that happen” and she said “tie her up, I’ll be in California, you know where your family is” and I said “don’t touch them” and she said “it will be over quickly” and she left and as Danny was tying me up I got my ankle gun and shot him” and i untied myself and I went after Diana. And I couldn’t find Diana and I told Daniel to get out of California as fast as they can and I went after Diana and she was getting on her first flight to California and I went behind her and I grabbed her by her hair and threw her on the ground and I said “no one kills my friend or her parents and no one kills my grandparents” and danny came from behind me and said “don’t kill her” and they dragged me outside of the airport and the dumbass security guard weren’t doing anything and then when they were putting me in the truck and Jason came from behind them and said “get off of my sister” and Daniel helped me get out of the car and Jason shot Danny a couple of times to make sure he was dead. I was confused on why they came to Canada and I was more pissed off because I couldn’t find Johnny and all I was thinking was that Diana took him and leslie and I said “Daniel what are you guys doing here” and he said “we wanted to help and your not the only one that has been through what Diana did she hit me too when I was young but that was when I was 4 or 5 years old and we’re not related” and I said “well thank God because that would be gross if I was dating my brother or cousin” and he said “and I need to help you find the kids because she has them now and we need to stop her before she kills them” and I said “well if we follow her car I think we can catch her” and he said “well lets go”. “Look we can’t find her she got away again she won” I said and Daniel said “Jordan we need you to hurt her the way she hurt us like you said she beat you up when you were little for the stupidest things and she kidnapped the kids and she put them in different states so you can have a hard time trying to find them and she almost killed you” and I kept having this feeling that I had to do what was right don’t matter about the consequences so I pulled over and I told the kids and Daniel that I’m gonna get rid of this lady because she is ruining our lives and she has the kids so I dropped them off at a hotel and I took off and I after 2 hours of looking for her I finally seen her and I said “here we go Jordan”. Chapter 23: Jordan V.S. Diana I went up to Diana and I slapped her and punched her and kicked her in the face and I shot the bodyguards and I told the kids to wait in the car and they ran to the car and she said “you bitch” and she got up from the floor and she got out her gun and before she shot me I said “lets settle this like ladies shall we” and I grabbed her wrist and she was shooting up and I was trying to make her give up the gun by punching and kicking her and she finally let go and I pulled her by her hair and threw her on the ground like she did to me and she said “Wait Jordan I’m sorry ok” and I said “fuck you Diana” and then I said as I kicked and beat her with a bat “you killed my grandparents (then I said “you killed my best friends’ parents and you killed my best friend”) and then as I was about to end it for Diana someone came from behind and surprisingly it was my mom and dad and my mom said “Let go of the gun Jordan” and my dad was trying to get gun from my hand and I said “Let go of me you crazy cabrona” and she said “what did you say” and I said “You know what that means you been it for years” and she said “What?” and my dad said “Bitch it means bitch” and she said “Screw a youa” and I said “What?” and she said “you know what I said” and I shot my dad and then my backed up and I said “You are a crazy bitch” and leslie said “wait Jordan no not mom” and I said “oh hell no you want mom to be alive after she tackled me” and she said “I want her alive because I don’t know if I’ll ever live without her” and I said “you lived without her for years and now you want her back”. And she said “well no but I think I should do it” and I said “ok if your sure and she said im sure” and she got the gun and she said “Sorry mom but you left me no choice” and she shot my mom and then she said “I needed to let her go Jordan”. I said to leslie “I told you if you wanted to do it” and she said “I needed to do it the way her and dad treated me dad raped me when I was a baby and I was crying so much and he never stopped and mom raped Jason when he was 2 that’s why he’s always in a weird mood when it comes to girls and don’t tell anyone but he’s gay” and I said “how do you know” and she said “because he told me and he keeps sending his boyfriend pictures of his junk” and I said “well ok then um lets get them in Diana’s car and we’ll drive it into the lake and then we’ll get rid of the evidence” and she said “wait Jordan watch out” and I said “what” and she shot Diana and I said “thanks I forgot to do that” and we went to go take the bodies into the lake and we walked to the hotel and we were all together again and I was happy because not only do I have my kids and my fiancé, I have real family. Today is April 15th, 2012 and it’s the day I finally get married, man everything in my life is going well leslie gets her baby back because the parents went to jail for shoplifting but she’s happy and Jason is getting married too to his boyfriend tony, he’s a sweet kid and he’s very gentle with him and Jason is happy being with him, and leslie is dating one of the neighbors his name is Kyle and he loves leslie like it was his little puppy he would always take care of her and she’s happy being with him but the thing is I told her not to have sex and if they were to wait next year and she took it because after Victoria she didn’t want to have no more kids until she is old enough to handle it. Daniel and I were finally tying the not and me and him had our ups and downs but we will always love each other and we can’t stay made at each other and the reason we are getting married now is because I don’t want to be fat in my wedding dress and yes that means im pregnant finally and I’m a month and leslie has been helping me with the baby by trying to help it grow faster and I don’t know if that’s even possible but I let her do because she wants to help and I mean she’s only 17 and she knows a lot about babies than I do and Mikey wants to go join the military and support us but I told he needs to wait a couple of years because I need to spend time with him because of all that happened with Diana and I’m in a good place right now and so is everybody else and we invited all of our friends and some of our family. Chapter 24: I pronouce you husband and wife When it was my time to go out there I was really nervous but then someone came into my dressing room and it was my grandpa and I said “grandpa Joe what are you doing here I thought you and grandma divorced” and he said “yeah we did but I regret getting a divorce and the reason I came here today was to give you this gift from Grandma Mary” and I said “she’s still alive” and he said “no but she wanted me to give that to you in case she ever dies and she wanted to see you when you were five but when they told your grandma that you ran away she never gave it to you” and I started crying and he said “no baby don’t cry and to cheer you up im here to walk you down the isle” and I said “thank you grandpa but who told you I was here and getting married” and he said “the kids and Daniel thought it was a good idea for you to get married the right way and that is for the father to walk his daughter down the isle and to be there for her and I know your dumbass of a dad didn’t want that for you but I want the best for you and I might be old but I’ll try my best to be there for you and the kids now that I can see my grand baby again” and I said “oh grandpa thank you and I know grandma is looking down at you and saying wow what a man” and he said “I heard she was with some old lady” and I said “yeah I’ll explain later we need to go” and he said “ok but wait I need to give you something” and he pulled out a Diamond necklace and he said “this is for you I got it for you for your birthday but you were gone so I couldn’t give it to you” and I hugged him and we walked outside and the music started playing and everyone was standing up and at that moment I knew who my family is and that was everyone is my family and even though we get into arguments we stand by each other. When I finally got to the alter my grandpa kissed me on the cheek and he said to Daniel “you take care of her and protect her” and he said “I will thank you for coming” and he said “no problem”. When I looked at Daniel I knew at the moment he was my partner and he was always there for me and that this is the guy and when the Pastor said “I ask Daniel parker to say your vows to Mrs. Jordan Sanchez” and he said “Jordan you been the most wonderful person ever, you always were there for me when I learned that I wasn’t gay ( and my face was like ok didn’t see that coming) and you know even thought you seen me make love to another guy ( and my face was like Kristen stewart when she looks surprised) but underneath all that you still fell in love with Jordan you are the most beautiful, most grateful, and I hope we have many years with each other and I hope our baby is as beautiful and as tough as you are and after all that has happen your still alive” and the pastor said “ok that was disturbing but heart felt now Jordan say your vows to Daniel” and I said “Daniel you are my life, and you were life when I first met you and I didn’t think that I would marry a person like you someone that is special because God sent me an angel and he told you to take care of me and to protect me but Daniel you are more than my best friend from my childhood you are my whole world and I promised to you that I will always love you no matter what happens in life I know we will always be together forever and ever” and the pastor said “that was beautiful and now can I have the rings please”. Leslie and Jason brought the rings and he said “now I want you to say these words to each other as you place the ring on each other’s finger ‘with this ring I be wed’ Jordan you first and then you will go Daniel” and I said as I was placing ring on Daniel “with this ring I be wed” and he said as he was placing the ring on my finger “with this Diamond ring I be wed” and I looked at and that sucker was huge and the pastor said “If anyone here has any reasons as to why these two should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace” and he said “I Pronounce you husband and wife you may kiss your bride” and Daniel grabbed like they do in the movies and he kissed me and now I’m a bride and then after a while Jason got married to Tony and he was so cute and when it got to the part where they had to say their vows to each other it was more awkward because Jason said something about a guys’ stuff being sucked on and it was just so awkward and I felt very uncomfortable well everybody did and I got to meet Selena Gomez and Beyonce and I was happy because leslie invited them and I was more happy when drake came to the wedding because I love his songs and he’s cute but I’m married and I have kids now and I had deal with them practically my whole life. But the day ended quickly and after 8 months I had baby girl and I named Mary Belle parker sanchez (Belle was Mrs. Johnson’s name) and I almost forgot about the gift that my grandma gave me and it was a dress to where to Greece and it was amazing the water felt good and I took the kids and they left me and Daniel alone but we couldn’t do anything because the baby was born and I wasn’t in the mood but we made it work and after a few more months I had another pregnancy with Daniel and It was triplets and one of them was a girl and 2 boys and man was I huge and man and I named them the girl Stephanie and the boys names were Steven and Christian so we had leslie, Jason, Johnny, Mikey, Michael, Victoria, Mary Belle, Stephanie, Steven and Christian so that’s a total of 10 kids all together including Tony and Kyle so basically 12 but most likely 10 but who knows maybe we’ll have more kids. And we all lived a happily ever after until next time muahh (just kidding) Publication Date: November 20th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-mb01db485e1b825

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-ayesha-azhar-girl-trouble-completed/

Ayesha Azhar Girl Trouble (Completed) Sometimes you don't know what you've done until it's too late..... This book is specially dedicated to both of my parents, Fatima Azhar and Azhar Qadri. To both my siblings Faizan and Amna. And to everyone who ever encouraged me in my ambition. To all my readers. And lastly for all my critics, you know who you are. Chapter 1  ''Hey, Steph, over here" Mandy waved at me as I made my way over to the cafeteria. Mandy McHugh is my best friend, as in my only friend. She has blue eyes and tanned skin whereas I have pale white skin. She’s really bold, totally opposite of me. I am very nervous and as much as I hate to admit it, I am much of a coward, afraid of almost everything like spiders and dark rooms. But surprisingly, I never get bullied. I made my way over to her. "Steph! You are late, auditions for Sustenance are about to start. Come on" She took my hand and led me to the gym. I stopped. "Mandy, you know I will never get a part, you will get the lead role, you always do, but me......" I sighed. Mandy gently took my hand. "I had a different idea for you, I thought you might like to join the stage crew since you are fabulous at painting" I brightened up at the idea instantly. After all I was the daughter of Charls Moore, a well known artist, so it was only natural that I would have that talent too. So while Mandy wrote her name down for the lead role of Sandy, I wrote mine down for the stage crew. though it did hurt me to know that Mandy hadn’t even considered that I could get a part in the play, if I practiced hard enough. I mean, I know I am not that great an actor, but I COULD have got a minor part. But, oh well, Mandy knew me so well; she must have thought that I wouldn’t even want a part. And I didn’t really; stage crew was good enough for me. Mr. Owens, our cast director knowing how good I was at art selected me as the President of the stage crew. I was in charge of building the sets. I was quite happy. Mandy wasn't so happy though, she was afraid that she might not get the lead role. "Don’t be stupid, Mandy, so far you are the most likely person to be selected and does anyone else even want the role of Sandy?" I asked as we ate sundaes in the California Dream Parlor. She didn’t reply. "Maaaandy"I started “Are there any other competitors you are worried about?" "Well" she replied, "There’s Ashley John and she’s a real pro" "She may be excellent but you were lead last year too, remember" "Yeah, guess I am worried about nothing". Just then we saw Ashley coming towards us, smiling sweetly at Mandy. She came and stood in front of her. "Hey, I heard you are auditioning for Sandy too,"   "Yes, I am." Mandy replied. "I am glad, a little competition is always good for the health, and it’s going to be really interesting now"     "Oh, really?"Mandy said sarcastically, “You’re not worried I might get the role of Sandy, and you won’t?" "Umm...No, you see you might be good at acting, but I’m better. I KNOW I’ll get the role, so there’s no need for me to worry, its going to be a great competition though" "You’ve got it a little wrong there, Ashley, seeing as I was lead last year, I’m most likely to be the lead this year too “Mandy said. "That’s just the case, Mandy, you were lead last year too, but not again, time changes, and with it people too, there are new faces, and there will be a new face this time too" I sat quite still through this exchange, I don’t really like interfering in other peoples matters, I have got enough troubles of my own, but seeing as this was something in which my best friend was involved, I had to say something. "Well, you guys, “I started “None of you know who will win, I mean, you can’t be sure, If you are as good as you say you are, Ashley, then it IS going to be an interesting competition, but why worry about it now?" Mandy and Ashley both turned towards me, they had been quite lost in their own worlds, and they must have forgotten that I was there too. “And who may you be?" Ashley asked quite rudely. "None of your concern."Mandy said, I shot her a look, whatever would it matter if I told Ashley my name?   “I’m Stephanie Moore."I said, extending my hand. "Ashley John," Ashley shook my hand “Nice to meet you" "Well, nice to meet you too," I said, and received a glare from Mandy, “So let’s forget all about this, okay? The best actor will get the role of Sandy, so you both can’t do much except practice hard." "Yup, there’s no doubt in that. May the best actor win."Ashley nodded. "Yes. May the best actor win."Mandy repeated.     "Brittany, you are the clothes designer, since you know so much about fashion" It was morning, some days later, and I was busy handing out jobs for the stage crew, when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around.  "Jake?!"I cried out in surprise. "Great surprise, huh?"Jake grinned. Jake Wilson had been my best friend in my old school, The Educators, that was years ago, I had not seen him since the last two years, but still, I recognized him immediately. "What are you doing here? You’re not in trouble, are you?"I asked. "Nope, I just changed schools like you and I thought I could also join the stage crew in Sustenance."He said. "Great” I said enthusiastically, “We need more members anyway, but when did this happen, I mean, when did you transfer?" "Just this month, must have been two days." "Wow," I was surprised, "How come I never saw you around?" "Well, you have seen me now, anyways, I kind of found some new friends so I hung out with them." "Oh, someone I know?" "I don’t know. You know Ashley John?" "Yeah." I nodded, how could I forget Ashley? Mandy had been driving me crazy about it, constantly worrying that she would not get the lead. As if. "Well, so it’s her and some of her friends." "Hey, good start."I thumped Jake on the back lightly, "You made friends so quickly, it took me ages."    "I didn’t really make friends." "What do you mean?"     "Nothing, anyways, want to hang out somewhere today?" "Umm.....okay," I nodded, “I’ll meet you .Later." "Later." Jake waved and then left the auditorium. I got up too and after giving instructions to the other members to be at the auditorium early morning tomorrow, I left the auditorium too. I went over to the clothes room. Mandy sat there, looking upset. "Mandy? What’s the matter?" "That same old Ashley problem" She replied matter of factly. "What Ashley problem?" "Don’t pretend, Steph, you know what I’m talking about, I saw Ashley practicing today, she’s really good."   "Well then, that’s good, isn’t it? There’ll be a tough competition." "Good? Are you mad, Steph? Her being good means that she has a very good chance of being the lead."   "You have too, Mandy." "She's better than me, what if she wins?" "She might, but maybe if you spend your time practicing, instead of spying on your opponents, there won’t be a chance of her getting the lead." "What do you mean, spying? I was just passing and I happened to see her, Steph. Nothing more to it." "Okay, good, forget it. I don’t think you should be too worried, Mandy, I mean you are a good actress, what’s more to it?" "You don’t know, Steph."                            "Enlighten me then." "Not now." "Well, you’re right about that. I need to go, but we WILL talk about this later, Mandy."I said, putting on my coat. "I wanted to go see a movie with you today, Steph."Mandy said in a small voice. "Oh. l am so sorry, but you see, Jake Wilson, he was my best friend in my last school, he’s here and I promised to meet him, so I’ll have to go." "Steph, don’t go, please." "Whatever’s the matter with you, Mandy? Jake was my best friend, I have to meet him." "He  WAS  your best friend, Steph; I am your present best friend. You should be spending more time with me." "I hate it when you get so possessive, Mandy, and anyways, don’t you have to complete your history homework today?" "Ughh..Oh don’t bother, go on, have fun with your new best friend!!"Mandy screamed and stormed out of the room. I didn't know what was wrong with her. I couldn't believe that she had walked out on me as I looked at her disappearing figure.         Well, whatever. I didn't care about Mandy’s anger. I mean, this was nothing to be angry about.She was just being possessive. What was the use now waiting here? She wasn’t going to come back. I had better go and meet Jake. I locked the door and turned to leave. I was quite fuming at Mandy by the time I was eating sundaes with Jake at the California Dream Parlor.        "So, how did you end up in my school?"I asked dipping the spoon in my cup. "Well....." "Well what? Tell me."I insisted. "It was actually Ashley; I don’t know where I would be without her." "Ashley? What do you mean? You have only just come to know her.” "No, Steph, Ashley has been my best friend ever since she came in The Educators."                     Chapter 2 "So, you mean you’ve always known Ashley?" "Well, not always, Steph. Ashley came at The Educators soon after you left ,and she soon became my best friend, well, she has that personality, Steph, which makes a person want to like her."      When did Ashley's personality come into this?    "Just tell me about her, Jake, so she’s your best friend or she just was?" "She was my best friend after you, Steph, she is, now even. We used to do everything together, and then Ashley won a scholarship. She was so happy that day when she found out that she had won the scholarship."     "Wait! You mean to say Ashley got admitted in this school through a scholarship?"     "Yes,  Steph." Jake nodded, "She wouldn’t have been able to afford the high fees otherwise. Getting admitted in this school was quite important for her, Steph, this is an acting school, it was her dream come true, she always wanted to be an actor."     "Oh," this was all quite new to me. Ashley was poor? Of all the mysteries in the world, this was most surprising, she definitely had not looked poor; that day she had met Mandy and me. "Is she like really poor?"  "What's that supposed to mean?"   "Oh, nothing. So when she transferred, you did too?" "Yes, she was my best friend, we went through so much together, I couldn’t remain in The  Educators without her." "So much as in what?" "Sorry, can’t tell you, Steph." Why did no one wanted to tell me anything nowadays? Mandy hadn’t told me whatever it was about Ashley which frightened her, and now this. "Oh, so are you two kind of like a thing?" "No! Ashley is just my best friend." Suddenly my eye caught something, there was Ashley, sitting in a far end booth with some of her friends whom I didn’t recognize. She came over when she saw Jake and me. "Jake?"She exclaimed, "What are you doing here with Stephanie?" "Manners, Ash."Jake smiled, "I would like to officially introduce you to my friend, Stephanie Moore."  I just stared, so did Ashley. "Hey, no handshake?"Jake said. Ashley extended a hand."We’ve met before. Remember me, Stephanie?" "Of course I do “I said. "When have you both met before?"Jake said, pretending to sound hurt. "Just some days ago, Jake, and how come you never told me that you knew Stephanie?"Ashley asked, glaring at Jake. "Well, you never asked." "I have now, and I want the full story, how long have you two been in touch?' "We just met today, Ash."Jake said. "Okay then, but remember, you said, friend, who’s your best friend?"Ashley said, smiling secretively. "You of course, Ash" Ashley jumped and hugged Jake. As I watched them, I felt a kind of twinge. That was how Jake and I had always been, but oh, anyways, I had Mandy now. "Hey, nice necklace, Steph, where's it from?"Ashley said, pointing to my pearl necklace which I wore around my neck. I looked at it proudly. "Thanks" I said."I love it too, its antique, from Paris, my cousin brought it for me". "Wow, you have very generous cousins."Ashley chuckled. What was that supposed to mean? But I didn’t care, Ashley seemed like a nice girl, I could solve all those mysteries about her being poor later, now I could only concentrate on having fun and I was soon laughing with Jake and Ashley, with no thoughts in my mind about Mandy.     "Mandy, how ‘re you doing?"I asked entering her bedroom. I had been waiting for her to call me, but she hadn't so I had come to check on her at her house. Her mother had let me in saying that she hadn't been quite up to the mark and had been in her bedroom all day. "I thought I could help you practice for the audition."I added. No reply. That’s what I hate the most about people; they only reply when they feel like it, and never when you want them to .And why wasn’t Mandy replying anyways? Fights like these were common between us because of Mandy's unfortunate quality of being so possessive.  Why was she taking it so seriously this time? "Mandy? I’m talking to you." "Yes?" "Did you even hear what I said, Mandy?" "I did, but I don’t care, Steph" "And why’s that?" "Because you’re with Ashley now, aren’t you, Steph? Why would you want to help me?" "Please." "Oh, don’t lie, Steph, I saw you, I saw you with Ashley in the California Dream Parlor" "With Ashley? I was with Jake." "Oh, really?"Mandy said in that sarcastic tone that I knew so well, "Then was it your twin whom I saw with Ashley and Jake?" "Well....okay fine, but I wasn’t with Ashley really, I was with Jake and then Ashley came over, you see, Ashley is most unfortunately Jake's best friend. Jake told me quite a lot about Ashley, if you would like to know"    Mandy looked at me. We both understood what I had meant by that. Despite her being angry at me, she smiled. "OK. Tell me everything." "Then listen, "I said."But close the door first, Mandy, we don’t want anyone else to hear this." Mandy closed the door and then sat down on the bed beside me, "Shoot" "But one thing, Mandy, you can never ever ever tell, got it?"Mandy nodded.      Though Jake hadn’t asked me not to tell anyone, but still, this was not my secret to tell. I was getting to know Ashley quite well, and I didn’t want her to know that I was spreading stories about her.         "Good, Jake said something about a scholarship, Mandy, according to him, Ashley’s really poor, though I don’t think so-"   "Poor?" Mandy interrupted. " That can’t be, I mean you saw the way she dressed yourself, Steph."        “I know, Mandy."I nodded," That was what I was going to say, I definitely don’t think that she’s poor, but anyways, Jake also said that Ashley always wanted to be an actor, she transferred to this school only this year, so she is a new girl too, which makes it harder for her to beat you because she won’t have as many supporters."    ”Good," Mandy said.   "Yeah, Jake said that she was really happy when she got that scholarship and got admitted in this school. What I can gather from all this, Mandy, is that Ashley must be really ambitious."     "Yup, but about her being poor must definitely be a lie, Steph, how could she be poor?"  "Who knows? Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t. Come on, let’s play some Snap." "Okay, I’ll bring the cards." And then we settled down to play a nice game of cards.   "Ok, so you need to put your hands up when you say this line." It was later in the evening and I was still at Mandy's house helping her rehearse for her audition. Mandy dropped down on the bed, obviously tired. "The audition is only a week away “she said wearily “And I don’t know a thing. I’m dead meat" "Why do you   always think negative?"I muttered .I was tired of all this complaining and groaning. Mandy was always complaining that Ashley did this, Ashley did that etc. I mean she lost her physics notebook and insisted Ashley had stolen it. Who in their right mind would think that? "Ok, Ok, I admit I have been acting a bit too negative, but didn't you see what she did to me today?"Mandy said repeating her complains. "And what did she do?" "She took my physics book."  "Come on, Mandy, you cannot possibly blame Ashley for that. What proof do you have?"I said .Mandy was seriously starting to get on my nerves now. "Well, I don’t have any proof." Mandy said, her face turning into a frown, "But didn't you see how she was smirking at me?" I had to agree with her at that. When Miss Juliana had scolded Mandy, Ashley had been smiling as if she was happy that Mandy was in trouble, but that possibly couldn't mean anything. "Listen, Mandy," I sat down on the bed close to her and tried to explain."I have had lots of competitions and challenges myself but it doesn't mean you have to make the other competitor your enemy. You remember we both were competitors once and when I won, you went bonkers, but that was the start of our friendship. Challenges are scary, but they are fun to be. You take them too seriously" "Whose side are you on, Steph? Mine or her?"  Mandy stood up, hands on her fists. "You’ve repeated this question so often, Mandy, I am considering going over to the dark side." "You are ditching me for her?" "How can you possibly think that?"I said my voice rising. “You said it yourself, Steph." "I only meant that as a joke, honestly, Mandy, can’t you see a joke?" "No, I can’t, ok? So don’t joke about things like that."  Well, Well, Well, how many things would I have to take care of while being friends with Mandy? "Fine. I won’t, ok? I’m leaving now, it’s late." "Good then, Bye." "Bye." I closed the door and went down the stairs. Mandy didn’t come with me to the door as she always did. I suppose she was still angry. I didn’t care much either. I was used to this now. Even though Mandy and I had been best friends since the last two years, she had remained the same; possessive, angry, and untrusting. The distance between mine and Mandy's house is really less, only about a block, so I reached my house pretty soon. I softly opened the door .To my surprise, Mother told me one of my friends had called and was waiting for me in my room. Who could it be? Not Mandy, of course. Then Jake?  I opened the door of my room and gasped when I saw the person inside.          "Ashley!"       Chapter 3      "Hey! Hi,Steph."Ashley smiled. "What are you doing here, Ashley? And what were you looking for in my cupboard?"   Ashley had been prying in my cupboard. I was sure of it; for when I entered the room, Ashley had suddenly moved. "Cupboard? No, I wasn’t looking in your cupboard, Steph, I just wondered whether there were any photos of you and Jake together?" "You came here, in my room, to ask me this?"I said, annoyed. "Well, no, I came here to take you with me to Steve’s party. But forget that now, so are there any photos of you and Jake together?" I looked at her suspiciously. "Wait, I’ll have to check." I said" By the way, how did you know where I live?"      "I asked Jake." "How come he knew where I live?"     "For God’s sake, Stephanie, you must have told him somehow."   "Oh, ok." I said and opened my bedside drawer. As far as I remembered, there had been some photos of me and Jake together. But where they were, I had no idea. "Maybe in there?"Ashley pointed towards the cupboard. "How do you know that the photos are in the cupboard, Ashley?" "I don’t, I’m just saying that they could be there."  I opened my cupboard, and looked inside, after throwing out a lot of clothes and other things, I finally found them. "Here, " I handed them over to Ashley. "See, I told you." Ashley chuckled. And how did she know anyways? But oh, forget that, I looked at my own and Jake's smiling faces in the picture and a smile came on my own face. "When was this taken?" Ashley asked. "Two years ago, I don’t exactly know when, but it was a circus, I think. We both went to a circus together or it must have been a fair." "Oh, you both look good together, Steph." "Ummm...well, I guess so." What else could I say? Whatever was Ashley pointing at anyway?  “Don’t you two have any pictures together, Ashley?" I asked, mainly to change the subject. "Of course we have," Ashley nodded, "But come on now ,we’ve to leave, here, take these back, they are good ones."She handed me back the photos.  I wasn’t going to take all the trouble of putting them in the cupboard now, I just thrust them in my drawer. "Hey! Keep them in a safe place at least, they are precious."Ashley said. "They are mine, and anyways I will put them back later." "Ok," Ashley nodded, "Come on," "Where are we going?" "Steve's party, don’t you remember? You agreed to go." I did? Why didn’t I remember anything then? "Excuse me, but I don’t even know any Steve ."I said grumpily.  “But you will, soon enough.”   "Why do you want me to go?” I was about to say no but then I thought it might take my mind off Mandy. My face turned red with anger, thinking of Mandy .She had absolutely no control over her tongue. How like her to say that I was ditching her! Well, I would prove that right now. It would teach her a lesson to know that I was with Ashley, instead of her. So I agreed.           As predicted, we hung out all of the rest of the day. It was mostly night but it was quite fun.Asley wasn't Ashley wasn’t so bad. Not as bad as Mandy made her sound. No, I shook my head , Ashley wasn't bad at all. She was quite nice. It was just Mandy blaming her, like she had blamed me even though I am her  best   friend. Once again I fumed up. We had a big game of darts afterwards, Jake won easily, he was so good at it, he could aim with his eyes closed. Then Ashley stood up and talked everyone in playing truth or dare. "Steph, Truth or Dare?" "Dare" My thoughts turned back to Mandy, I felt a little guilty; Mandy would be thinking I was angry at her, but here I was instead, having fun with Ashley .  Mandy would have a fit, if she came to know. I giggled at the thought even though there was no reason to laugh. "You are  happy?"  Jake suddenly asked. "Huh? What?"I asked. "Ashley just dared you to eat all these mushrooms" I tuned back into the conversation.Oh God, the mushrooms were so smelly and all. Yuck. But it was a dare so I had to do it. "Go, Steph, show them." Everyone started cheering. As they cheered me on, I ate hand after hand full of mushrooms .This was the feeling of pure happiness, of being complete. I loved this feeling ‘.I only wish Mandy was here too’, I thought, then quickly whisked the thought out of my mind.       I stopped at my locker some days later. There was a note stuck on it. Something like this:                                     "I am sorry I hurt you, I was upset and taking it out on you. That's a rotten trick. But...Hey! We are friends. Right? Friends forever.                                                                           _Mandy P.S. Please meet me in the auditorium after lunch break. I want you to be there  when I audition.   I smiled. Almost a week had passed and we hadn't talked to each other but I had known Mandy would come to her senses sooner or later. It seemed that she had. I smiled again to no one at particular. It was so weird; sometimes I could be so angry at Mandy, and at other times even thinking about her made me smile.   After lunch break, I went into the auditorium. Mandy waved at me, we both hugged. I don’t know why it felt like I hadn't seen her in years. I just wanted to keep on hugging her, to know she was safe and secure, being best friends for almost the whole of your life can result to this. I hugged her again. Mandy looked at me questioningly. She then smiled. "That's for luck."I said. She smiled again. We both took our places as the auditions began to start. Lots of other kids performed for the smaller roles, then Ashley got onstage for Sandy, the female lead role. I had to admit that she was wonderful like a real pro. Anyone could see that she was really into acting. I said so and received a glare from Mandy. It would be  very hard for Mr. Owens to decide between Ashley and Mandy. At last Mandy’s name was called. I felt her body tense. She got on stage. She had chosen Act 2 in which the soldiers would be coming to get her and she would hide in a cupboard. Slowly the scene began, Mandy opened the cupboard and..............BLIM! BLAM! TUCH!. And then a scream. A scream which sounded very like Mandy's. Everyone jumped up. It seemed that a box full of shoes had been in the cupboard and it had fallen on Mandy. Kids helped Mandy to her feet, I felt awful, Mandy’s audition was destroyed, someone had done this, though it was a cupboard so it was only natural that there would be shoes in the cupboard but still. I looked around. Ashley was already there, asking Mr. Owens to let Mandy take an audition again, what?! Ashley was doing that? She should be happy, she would easily be Sandy now that Mandy was out of the game. But despite Ashley’s efforts Mandy stood up and came to Ashley. "I’ll get you for this!" She screamed, her eyes red with anger. I gasped. I had never seen her like this."I’ll not let you get away with this!" God, I thought, did Mandy really think Ashley had put a box of shoes there? It was a  cupboard.  It was common for it to have clothes or something. But I had been having the same thoughts myself, so I couldn’t blame her. Though I hadn’t thought Ashley must have done it. The Sister must have forgotten to take this box out before the audition. But it was kind of sad; Mandy's audition was destroyed. Suddenly Mandy ran towards Ashley, trying to push her down. "Mandy! Stop!"I tried to get her away from Ashley. This was getting wild, I couldn’t let Mr. Owens or anyone else see her like this; no one would ever respect her anymore. But unfortunately, Mr. Owens was already there and so were hundreds of other people who had came to watch the auditions. "Miss McHugh." Mr. Owens said coldly. "Stop this nonsense, I will let you take an audition again because of Miss Ashley here, she has proven to be quite a good sport, though your behavior towards her is unbearable" "Aaaaaa...ugh!" Mandy screamed again and ran out of the auditorium. I followed her. "She destroyed my audition, she’s taking over my life!" Mandy was screaming madly, running down the hall; her hands flying. God, I needed to stop her, children were staring at her as if she was some kind of alien. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me to catch up with her.                                                                                            Chapter 4 A few hours later. "This is ridiculous"I said as Mandy dried her hair. "It IS , I dont know what to do,I know I should be thankful to Ashley, because of her, I am getting a chance to audition again,But all I feel is anger and hatred towards her"Mandy said. "Dont worry,it will work out in the end,I am sure of it, Mandy." "But how? I mean, it just makes me angry whenever I look at Ashley." "Have you ever tried to figure out WHY it makes you angry?" "Well, no, but it surely must be because she has that kind of personality, which makes you dislike her, doesnt she,Steph?" "Well,er....yes, ofcourse." Waht else could I say? In the past few days I had learnt two aspects of Ashley's personality, one which made people dislike her, according to Mandy, and one which made people like her, according to Jake. Which one did I agree with? Most likely with Jake, but I couldnt tell Mandy that. "So..I have to audition again now." "Hmm...you have got to be really good this time, Mandy, after what you did last time.screaming like that?"I said."Mr Owens didn't look VERY happy,I think he would be quite happy to make Ashley Sandy" "Why are you being so negative?"Mandy muttered.I felt guilty,Some days ago I had said that to her.You cant help being negative,I realised now.I gave her an apologetic smile. "Okay,Okay"I said"But you need to stop being so pathetic at such little things. "Yes,madame"Mandy teased"I will do as you say,Your Highness". I smiled, it was impossible not to smile, so I smiled again.     I clapped as Mandy came onstage.It was her audition the next day.Thankfully,it went smoothly.No up's and down's. "The results and the handing out of roles will be done a weak later"Mr Owens announced,so we all left.Mandy was beaming happily as we rode the four blocks to my house.             "Do you think I will get it?"Mandy asked. "I am sure you will"I said"But you have  to admit, Ashley was good too" "Yeah"Mandy made a face."Tha's why I have a feeling that I will not get it" "Then throw away that feeling, Mandy, if Ashley was good, then so were you, the only thing I am worried about is...." "Is what? tell me, Steph, I have to be prepared." "Well, you know, that day, the way you were screaming, Mr Owens may not have got a very good impression." "Oh,well, if that happens, then I wont have lost because Ashley was better then me in  acting, it would be just my wildness." "Meaning?" I really didnt understand when Mandy talked in codes, like she was doing now. Alien language, I called it. Why not talk in simple easy english? "Nothing, I just meant that Ashley isnt better then me in acting." "She isnt better, Mandy, but she is just as good as you." "Good then, its gonna be a tough competition."    "YOU are saying that, Mandy?"  "So?Cant I?" Mandy smiled."You have got a very bad impression of me, Steph." "Oh,okay then."This was going to take some time to digest.I had to make sure."So,just in case you dont get the lead, you wont get wild or anything,Okay?'I said. "Okay,Come on,I am gonna be late"Mandy nodded," and then my MOTHER is going to get wild."She added.We both laughed happily,and pedaled faster on the road.     At about eleven in the night,I lay down to sleep.According to my mom I had been asleep since eight,but then she didn't know that I had been reading novels under the covers with a torch.I found it hard to sleep, all that had passed in the last few days was going through my brain.               Mandy had made a new enemy and I had found a new friend, or maybe two new friends? Did Ashley consider me a good friend of hers? I would never find out, but maybe I could ask Jake about it.And what about Ashley being poor? Really,that couldnt be.But whyever would Jake lie?He had seemed really honest when he had told me about it.If Ashley WAS poor, then maybe that was why she so wanted the lead this year, she had got admitted in this school through a scholarship, if she got the lead, then that would secure her position.     But maybe it was Ashley who had lied to Jake,but whyever would SHE lie?It was all too confusing, Jake and Ashley had seemed really close, they were best friends afterall,Ashley wouldnt have lied to Jake. And was Ashley really an enemy of Mandy? It was just Mandy who had made Ashley her enemy, Ashley had never been rude to Mandy.I would never be able to figure this out.          I finally went to sleepbut then I woke at about twelve when someone threw stones at my bedroom window.Thinking that it must be Mandy or someone,I got out of bed and opened the window,To my surprise,it was Jake.  "Jake!!" I cried"What are you doing here?" "Sshh.......look down there"Jake pointed below.I looked down,there was Ashley and a whole group of their friends.I gasped and looked at Jake questioningly. "We decided to have a secret party at the last minute"he explained."Thought you would like to come too"   "Ummm...its a school night, Jake." "So what?" "I am sorry,I cant go"I said.  REALLY sorry.They were going to have such fun.Hanging out at this time of the night.But if someone found out I would be dead meat. "Steph,please"Jake made his most charming smile. "Okay,fine"I said, I didnt know why I had agreed, I had never done something this outrageous, If mother or father ever found out, I would be grounded for sure."but let me go change first". Noone would find out,and even if someone did,I would handle it, atleast I thought I would be able to handle it.  "Great"Jake said"I am waiting for you down below".and he was gone. I quickly changed and then quietly sneaked down the stairs so that my parents couldnt hear.It was quite a difficult task since our stairs creake very loudly but I managed it in the end. "Oh,hi,Steph"Ashley waved at me as I ran out of the back door. "Hi"I replied. "I didn't think you would come"Ashley said,"Because of Mandy"she added. I hadn't thought about Mandy.But it was my choice who I hung out with. "Why would I not come because of Mandy? I did come with you to Steve's party, didnt I?" "Yes, you did,good then, I would really like to know you better, Steph"' "Then you have a chance to now," I said "Mandy is my best friend,but I make my own choices" "I am glad"she replied"I would like to hang out with you more often".I nodded. We entered Caeseys, I had never really came to Caeseys before, Mandy and I always went to the California Dream Parlour.But this looked quite posh. I couldnt quite understand,Ashley was poor,Then why did she hang out at such an expensive place?The people here looked quite rich.     I would never be able to ask Ashley right out if she was poor, I had to try some other way, maybe I could ask about her scholarship. "Ashley?"I started. "Yes?" "Well,Jake said that you got admitted in this school through a scholarship,umm...is that true?" "So he told you?I knew he would." "Umm...yes, he did, do you mind?" "No,I dont, but what do you care?" "I do care,Ashley, I mean, arent we friends now?" "I suppose we are, though Mandy wont be too happy to hear that, would she?" "No she wont be, though she has got nothing against you,Ashley, its just that shes very possessive sometimes." "oh really?" Ashley said, copying Mandy's sarcastic tone,"Then why doesnt she mind when you hang out with Jake or someone else?" "Well,errr..."I couldnt find an answer to that,"Forget that, Ashley, tell me about yourself." "You already know everything about me,Steph, Jake must have told you that I am poor and everything else too" "No, he didnt tell me anything else,Ashley." "Then here it is, when I came in The Educators, it was Jake who helped me, who shared everything with me, he supported me so much, I dont know where I would be without him." Hmmm......Jake said that Ashley had helped him,Ashley says that Jake helped  him.I couldnt understand a single thing. What was going on? "So...you two are best friends?"I asked. "Ofcourse, I would have thought you would have guessed as much now." "Ok, so you really want the lead, dont you?" "Yes, its really important for me,Steph,If I get the lead, then that will secure my position." "Oh," I suddenly felt very sorry for Ashley, it was so important for her to get the lead, maybe Mandy should back off, afterall, she had been the lead last year too, others should get a chance now. "Come on, lets order, Steph." Ashley suddenly said, I nodded     We got a table and sat down.I looked around. There wasnt anyone else here whom I knew, wait, who was that? Suddenly I saw something which made me freeze.Guess who I saw sitting with her whole FAMILY on a corner  table?Mandy. Chapter 5   You can guess what happened after that,we ended up in a fight as usual.but  thankfully at that time I was sensible enough to hide my face and run.Though why did I ran? Why didnt I want Mandy to see me? Maybe I just didnot want another fight.I mean it was really nothing,Mandy seeing me,but if she knew that I was with Ashley then she would get one of her ideas that I was ditching her.But Mandy had already seen me, she didnot say anything as I ran,but the next morning,in class, she had a WHOLE LOT to say. "How CAN   you behave like Ashley's best friend when you know I how much I hate her?Mandy said. "What are you talking about,Mandy?"I said innocently.I didnot want to start a fight. "Dont lie to me Steph,the least you can do is tell the truth"she said coldly. "Alright",I said"Even if I WAS with Ashley its not as if I commited a crime" "CRIME?"Mandy's voice was raising"Now ashley is trying to steal you from me too" "No, she is not, Mandy, I can have other friends beside you, and anyways, Ashley isnt reallly as bad as you think she is,Mandy, if only you would give her a chance-"   "I dont want to give her a chance,"Mandy broke in"I am good enough as it is, and I want you to stay the same too,Steph,Why do you want to be friends with her anyways? "Because I like her, Mandy,I like her, though not as much as I like you, but good enough, why shoud  I not be friends with her just because YOU have made her your enemy?" "Because you are my best friend! you should support me,Steph!" "I do support you,Mandy, I mean, ofcourse I want you to be the lead." "I didnt mean that, Steph, I meant that you should support ME, and not be friends with your best friends enemy." "It doesnt matter,Mandy,I like her, so I will be friends with her, you cant stop me, because you dont own me" "Yes,"Mandy said as if in a daze"yes,I dont own you", and then without saying another word,she turned away.I stared after her,I was used to her storming off now.     "Ummm......I saw you having a fight with Mandy,Steph"Ashley said,stopping me at my locker. "Doesn't it seem strange that  YOU  of all people saw me having a fight with Mandy?"I  said sarcastically. "Yeah"Ashley shuffled her feet. "What?"I asked. "well",she began"I have a feeling that it was because of me". It was kind of her to say that,but at that time I was pissed off with her,so I said"yes,it  WAS  because of you". Ashley looked at me,surprised. I continued"Will you be as kind to leave me alone?" Ashley nodded quickly and turned away.Why was I being rude to her?It wasnot her fault that Mandy was so stupid. "Wait!"I called after her"I am sorry for being so rude" "That is to be expected"Ashley smiled"I understand" "No,really.I was just upset and taking it off on you" "Its okay"Ashley said"but what you did last night was  NOT  okay.why did you run off like that?" "because of Mandy,you see,I was scared that we would end up having a fight' "well,you had now too"Ashley pointed out"so there was no use of you running" "yeah"I sighed. "Why do you care for her so much anyways, Steph? I mean, I have only ever seen you two fighting." 'Well, no.."I said defensively."We love each other, we have been best friends since years." "So just because of that, you will let her say anything she wants to you,Steph?" "Why are you saying all this,Ashley?" "No reason,"Ashley shook her head,"I just thought-" "Well, dont think  then,"I interrupted her in between," I dont want to hear anything against Mandy, I will see you later." "Okay, see you later,Bye." "Bye"' I left, I really wanted this school day  to get over quickly, I turned and went into the hall to look for my next class.     It was Literature and I was scribbling away notes when my name was announced. "Mr Owens is calling you in the auditorium,Stephanie"Miss Jonathan said. I quickly made my way to the auditorium. Why was Mr Owens calling me? something must definitely be wrong with the sets.I opened the door and went inside. "You called me.Mr Owens?" "Yes,sit down dear," I sat down on a chair and then looked at him expectantly. He took a sigh and then said"As you know the roles of Sustenance are to be announced tommorow,Miss Moore." "Yes" I nodded, wondering where this conversation was going. "So I  have to tell you, Miss McHugh is not the lead." "Oh"I said,though I wasn't surprised,after the tantrum she had shown that day on the first auditions,Mr Owens was very unlikely to choose her for the lead. "I know it is wrong to tell a student this before the roles are announced but-" "But?"I asked. "Let me finish please, Miss Moore." I nodded.This was all quite dramatic, Mandy not being the lead, who else was the lead then? Ashley ofcourse. Then hadnt Mandy got even a minor part in the play? "Knowing  Miss McHugh's anger,she is sure to  get wild,and I dont want any unpleasent events in my play,Miss Moore.So I want you to break this news down to her gently,before I announce the roles"I nodded. "I have given her the second role,seeing that she IS a great actrees,but if she does anything,I am afraid she will not be allowed to act in the play". I sighed,Mandy would NEVER be able to stand this. "I dont want her to be deprived of that position so I hope you will do as I tell you to,will you,Miss Moore?" "Yes,Mr Owens"I said though I didnt know HOW I would do it since Mandy wasn't speaking to me, or rather I wasnt speaking to her. "You can go now". I left and went back to class,Noone bothered to look in my direction as I entered, I guess, I just wasnt as important, but Mandy did look up, and smiled. I didnt smile back.My mind was too preoccupied.          I went back to my seat and put my hand into my bag for my necklace which I also used  as a good luck charm,which relaxed me.But to my surprise it wasnt there! I emptied the contents of my bag,but no necklace.then I began to panic,the bell rang and everyone went out,But I stayed behind, looking everywhere for my neclace.Seeing me,Mandy came over, "Whats wrong?"she asked worried. "My necklace,Mandy,the one which I always wore,you seen it somewhere?".I said, forgetting in my tension that Mandy and I werent speaking to each other. "No"she shook her head,we both started to look for it but we couldn't find it.Tired,we went back to her house. "I am sorry Steph,about my behaviour"she said."Its okay,Mandy"I said"as long as you dont do it again" "Oh, but I do keep doing this again and again, dont I?" "Well, yes,"I said,"But you just have to understand, Ashley is my friend too, even if she is not yours." "Ok, I wont do this again."Mandy made a face."Oh!and I am sorry about your neclace too, though why you care for it so, I dont understand".            I started at her,she knew the necklace was my good luck charm,then why was she saying this?Staring at her, a thought crossed my mind,Could it....Could it possibly be that Mandy had stolen my necklace for getting back at me for hanging out with Ashley?No way,Stephanie,I told myself,She's your best friend,Best friends do some horrible things sometimes,I thought.Why was I thinking like this?Why WOULD she do it?I asked myself,though I already knew the answer. "Oh,Steph"Mandy began"tommorow the roles of the play will be announced." Oh my gosh!I had forgot all about what Mr Owens had said,I had to tell Mandy about it,but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. "Mandy,if you dont get the lead,dont get upset,okay?"I said "Dont worry,I wont"Mandy replied,smiling strangely.I looked at her suspiciously,this was not like Mandy,but maybe she had learned to control her anger. "You really wont be upset if you dont get the lead?" "Yes....What is the matter with you,Steph?I mean it is just a play." "Oh, good then."I nodded. This was far too much, Mandy didnt care if she didnt get the lead, when did this happen? something was definitely wrong.This wasnt Mandy, but I decided not to bother about this now.  " Ok,do you have the dialouge script,Mandy?"I suddenly asked,though I didn't know why I wanted the dialouge script now,I just felt like reading Mandy's script. "Yes,it must be in my backpack" I got her backpack and took out the script.Wait,there was something else there,I shouldn't pry,I thought.Oh well,I will just have a look.I put my hand inside,took the thing out and gasped. It was my necklace!     Chapter 6    I couldn't believe my eyes! MY   necklace in MANDY'S    backpack. I stared and stared at it, trying to force it to change it's form, trying to change it into a notebook or something, trying to change it into  ANYTHING  but my necklace. I just didn't want to believe, didn't want to accept that Mandy had been the one, MANDY had stolen my necklace.    But why would she? What benefit would she get from it? Aside from it being from Paris, it was nothing very special, nor expensive, nor unique. That left only one option, she had done this to hurt me. But whyever? 'Just because you would never want to hurt her, doesn't mean that she would think it wrong too', a voice said in my head. I ignored it first but then, didn't all the evidence point towards Mandy?    Think of the devil and the devil is here. I saw Mandy coming towards me, worry apparent on her face, Worry, because she had suddenly remembered that her backpack was the place where she had hidden the necklace and she was worried I would find out? or worry because of me? "What took you so long, Steph? I thought you had fallen over or something."Mandy said,coming nearer and taking her backpack from me.I didn't say anything.Mandy looked at me. I still didn't say anything. "Hellooooo.......Earth to Stephanie"she said, waving her arms in front of me. I held up my necklace. "Whats that?" Mandy asked,as if she didn't know a thing of what I was talking about,"Oh! your necklace! you found it, Congrats"she exclaimed after taking a closer look. "Yes,I did find it." "So? Why are you making a face then?" "Because I feel like it." "You feel like making a face even though you have found your necklace?" " It doesn't matter that I found it, Mandy.What matters is that WHERE  I found it. Do you know where my necklace was?" "How would  I know where your necklace was?" "Oh really," I said sarcastically,"Cant you guess?" "No, well, where DID  you find it?" I snatched her backpack away from her and held it up so that she could get a full view,"In here!" I threw the bacpack at her. I expected her to react, but she just stood there, looking confused. "I dont understand,"she took a step towards me'"What was your necklace doing in my backpack?" " That's what  I  would like to know!" I said, surprised at how calm I was, even though I was so angry. "Steph? you surely dont think that  I stole your necklace and put it there?"         I just stood there, so angry that my whole  body was shaking.Didn't her pretending that she hadn't stolen my necklace  PROVE  that she had? Wasn't that waht those criminals in those T.V. series always  did? Acted innocent? "Can you explain how my necklace got into your backpack then, if you didn't put it there yourself?" "I dont know, Steph.Anyone could have put it there,My backpack was out in the classroom the whole day,while I was outside the auditorium trying to...." "Trying to what?" "Nothing, but look,that doesnt matter_" "No, it does!"I cut her in between"Why cant you tell me?huh? Afraid you will be embarassed if I found out more about alll the crimes you have committed?" "Crimes?What crimes?" "You obviously stole my necklace, didn't you? and now you have the nerve to lie about it." "I DIDN'T  steal your necklace,Steph,How many times do I have to tell you? Why would I?" "Oh, I dont know,the police dont know the motive behind the crime before the criminal has told them,do they?" "Police?Criminal?Have you seriously gone mad,Steph? You have been watching far too many crime shows.I am telling you for the last time that I didn't steal any necklace, nor do I have any reason to do so!" "No,you did!you did,Mandy. you have been distant to me ever since I started hanging out with Ashley.You are jealous,  this could have been your perfect revenge." "I dont believe you,Steph,I dont believe that you think I have stooped to that level.Is this all the trust you ever had in me?' "I trusted you alot,Mandy.I trusted you more then I trust myself,but you broke that trust, you betrayed me!" "Fine then!"Mandy exclaimed"Fine,you know what?I think it was a mistake we ever became friends.you never believed in me, you didn't have anyone else so you confided in me.But now you have a special friend,dont you?now you have Ashley." "Dont try to change the subject!" "I have no intention to do so, if you really dont trust me,Steph,then we should end this once and for all.I have  lost your trust in your opinion,and you have lost my trust in mine.My belief that you would always stand by me in whatever catastrophe we faced is shattered.I want no more to do with you, Stephanie Moore."              I stood there, glaring at Mandy.I felt that my pride was hurt.Even though Mandy's reply had made me half believe that Mandy was innocent,her nerve to not only say that I was wrong but to also turn the blame on me, cauht me offguard. I felt my cheeks reddening.                 How dare she! It was MY  right,I should have been the one to make Mandy feel guilty, Instead, I   felt bad, as if I had commited a huge crime by breaking her trust. ME  break her trust?ha!How like her to accuse ME  as if I had been the one found with a stolen necklace in my backpack. "YOU want no more to do with me, or  I  want no more to do with you?I dont know why I stuck with you in the first place, Mandy,flying in a rage at every little thing,   FIGHTING with me at every little thing and behaving as if you own me" "Then why are you still here,Steph?complaining because I have finished everything with you?Get out!" "Huh?"I was confused. "My room, stupid,Get out of my rooom.just go away! I never want to see you again!" "I dont want to see you again either!"I screamed and with that I stormed off.        I slammed the door hard as I left. Serve Mandy right. I walked softly on the road, my shoes making a crunching noise on the ground.I reached my home soon,and went straight to my room. I pretended not to hear when my mother called me for lunch.I just wanted to lie down on my bed and forget everything..                 As I lay down on the bed,I thought about everything which had passed.The true object of our fight had been forgotten in old faults,sour memories,which had been kept hidden in the brain because none of us wanted to hurt the other,had finally came out.It was all so confusing. I knew Mandy would react but not so much as to break it off completely,and as to the real object of our fight,the necklace,if Mandy hadn't stolen my necklace then who had?   Whom did I know who was so low that they had stolen my necklace and then hid it in Mandy's backpack to blame her?Unfortunately,I couldn't come up with an answer.   But what if it was a mistake? What if I had myself put the necklace in Mandys backpack?But I would surely remember if I had done something like that. And anyways, Mandy and I hadnt been talking to each other, how could I have put my necklace in Mandys backpack?No, that couldnt be.        I closed my eyes,trying to force the bad memories out, sleep was threatining to engulf me, though HOW   I could sleep when I was so emotionally disturbed,was beyond my intelligence.I didn't know what to think anymore.Had I been wrong? Had I wrongly accused Mandy? Oh dear,no wonder Mandy was so angry.But what if I was right?What if Mandy HAD  stolen my necklace? And worst of all, what would happen tommorow, when the roles of Sustenance  would be announced? Chapter 7   I woke up a few hours later, a glance at the bedside clock on the table told me that it was only around 5:00 in the evening.I got out of bed,I had a ton of homework to do.Miss Edgecomb had told us to write on a famous historician and I have always had trouble  deciding on who to pick to write essays on.But first I needed a drink.I opened my bedroom door and walked quietly into the kitchen.My mother was in there, making pasta.She looked up,sensing my presence.   "Oh,are you feeling well,Stephanie?you dont normally sleep in the afternoon,I was worried, you dont have a temperature, do you?"My mother said, checking my forehead. There you go, that was my mom worried about every little thing. "No mother, I am perfectly alright, I was just a little tired, Anyways,can I have a drink?"    "Sure,Sweetie,"she replied"Oh!and your friend called,I didn't want to disturb you so I told her to call later" "Mandy,wasn't it?"I asked    So soon? I smiled.Mandy had came to her senses earlier this time.Anyways it was SO like Mandy to fight and then apologize and pretend as if everything was alright.But I wasn't prepared to forgive her just yet.She had gone too far this time.I still couldn't believe she had done it.Stealing!and speaking about my necklace, where was it?God damn it,I must have left it at Mandy's, well I wasn't going to go back for it, that was for sure.   "No,not Mandy dear,it was Ashley something,she quite insisted that she had to talk to you.She wanted to come here.Really! After I TOLD her that you were asleep.You should call her,Steph,she sounded quite urgent." "Okay"I agreed,even though I was in no mood to talk with anyone.But it felt important not to loose the only good friend I had,after Mandy,I mean.So I called Ashley. "Hi,this is Stephanie Moore speaking.Can I talk to Ashley?" "Steph? Oh hey,it's me,Ashley." "You called?" "Yes, I want to tell you something, Steph, it's about the play." "What?" "Well,it's the sets, Steph, I dont really know what happened but Harry O'Cornor of the Computer Club just called to tell me that the paint has been rubbed off." "Rubbed off?But how?" "Well,like I said,I dont know, Harry only said that the paint has been rubbed off." "When did this happen?" "Just over two hours ago,I called as soon as I heard, but you were asleep.You should go check the sets as you are the sets manager." "Well, alright, I guess."I said"I will be over"And we hung up. I dressed instantly, what could have happened to the sets? I would only know when I get there.           I went over to Ashley's and together we went over to the school to see the stage, It wasn't so bad, The paint was smeared but it could be repainted.Infact, I thought it could be made much better then before. "I dont think it's damaged much,Ash,we can paint it again,It wont take much time."   I looked at Ashley, she was smiling at me in this strange sort of way. "What?" I asked, self consiously. "Its the first time you have said it" she replied. " First time I have said what?" "I mean, its the first time you have called me Ash." "So whats so special in me calling you Ash?" "Nothing, I guess, but you know, its like friendy, you have finally dropped that formal tone, saying the whole of Ashley, Ash suggests a more friendly manner." "Really?"I didnt think so at all,Why use contractions when they werent really necessary? Steph or Stephanie was different but Ash or Ashley?just two letters difference, but anyways, if Ashley felt like that, what could I do?    "So, do you want me to call you Ash?" I asked. "No, I mean, I want you to call me whatever you want to,Steph."    "So Ash is fine then?" "Yup,good." Ashley stepped closer towards me,"The sets are going to be fine,what's troubling you now,Steph? You look worried." "Worried, me?" I said,"No,nothing is troubling me, I am fine." "No, you arent, there's always SOMETHING in nothing,Steph." "Well, there's no something in THIS nothing,Ashley."  "Liar,you really are a very bad liar,Steph,has anyone ever told you that? you are obviously worried about something." "I am not worried about ANYTHING." "You arent just worried about ANYTHING,Steph,you are worried about LOTS of things,you csn tell me,I wont spill." "Well,err..."I thought about it.Really, Ashley was being a much better friend to me then Mandy had been,and besides, I needed to confirm my doubts, know for sure whether Mandy had stolen my necklace or not, Ashley's opinion on this would maybe help me decide for myself. So I decided to tell her. "Its about Mandy,"I said,"You remember that necklace I had, Ash?" "The one which you wore that day in The California Dream?" I nodded,"Yes,So what happened was that today when Mr Owens called me,I left it in my backpack,when I returned,it wasnt there,and earlier today, when I was over at Mandy's,I was checking her backpack and there it was." "Hmmm...so you think Mandy stole it?"Ashley asked. "I...No,I dont know,but it WAS in her backpack."  "You know what,Steph?Mandy sits right next to you,if anyone had a good chance to steal that necklace,it was Mandy, and dont think I am saying this to turn you against Mandy, its just a basic fact."  "Yes, but Mandy said she wasnt in class-" "Wasnt in class?"Ashley interrupted,"Whoa, she was right there,I mean,ok,she did leave, but she left a long time after you left."  "Why did she lie to me then?" "To keep you from the truth?Maybe she just planned to take it and then give it back to you after a day or two,saying that she had searched for it and then found it, to get into your good books?" "Well,no....Mandy's not like that." "If you can think her capable of stealing, then why cant you think her capable of one harmless prank,Steph?And if she didnt take your necklace then why was it in her backpack?" "Mandy said someone else must have put it there-" "Someone else as in who?Me?You know,I never will understand Mandy,I got her a second audition,but all she does is mope around as if I am a murderer or something, and will hurt her."   "No, she didnt take your name Ashley, its nothing about you-" "Please,"Ashley held up her hands,"I dont want to talk about it anymore." "Ok,"I said, what else could I say? I had turned my problem into hers."Well,good luck for tommorow."      "Thanks,"Ashley smiled,"Gotta go now, I'll see you later." "Ok,"Ashley gave me a hug and left.I sighed and began walking. Oh God, what was I going to do now? I had already lost Mandy and now Ashley was angry at me too. Maybe I had got such a personality which made people want to fight with me?     Maybe I should take a lift from someone?No, I felt like walking.As I walked, a tear rolled down my cheeks, 'Oh Mandy, why have you done this?'Maybe I should go apologise? Afterall, I was pretty rude too, but not as much as her. Mandy, Mandy, after Jake, it had always been Mandy.We had never fought this bad before. All our fights had been small, on minor things.But this time I was sure Mandy wasnt going to apologise, because her apologising would mean that she was accepting that she had stolen my naecklace. And I wasnt going to apologise either,because my apologising would mean that I was accepting that she hadnt stolen my naecklace.Did Mandy really believe in me anymore? Worse, did I believe in Mandy anymore? I turned around, I had heard a sound.Was someone following me? Nope, noone out there. Where was I anyway?I had been walking for quite a long time.Infact, instead of walking TOWARDS my house, I had been walking AWAY from it. I looked around again. I was near Jake's house,Should I call on him? It was getting dark, but I didnt care, I didnt feel like going home.I didnt even know Mr and Mrs Wilson that well, I had only seen them once, in seventh grade.I knocked in the door, Jake opened. "Hey!you came! So Ash told you, huh?"Jake asked. "Told me what?"I said, confused. "So she didnt tell you,But you are here now, so it doesnt matter, come on, party's going on." "Oh!"I exclaimed blushing,"If I am interrupting a party, I'll leave." "No, silly."Jake laughed."You are invited, Ash must have forgotten to tell you, Come on."   I went inside.The party was in full swing.I recognized a lot of students from school and some freshmen.How did Jake came to know all these people so quiickly?But anyways, who cared? I saw Ashley sitting in a corner, sipping apple syrup.I went over. " So you left because you had to come HERE, huh?"I asked. "yeah,"Ashley nodded,"Sorry,Jake asked  me to tell you about the party but I got so angry all of a sudden, I forgot." "It's okay."I said. "So, who told you about the party then?" "No one, I was just going home and then I thought of calling on Jake." "You were just going home and you thought of calling on Jake?"Ashley said, questioningly. "Yeah,so what?"I said. "Hey!"Ashley exclaimed,"You and Jake arent going out,are you?" "No!" I said,"We are just friends, what made you think that?" "Nothing,I just thought." "Isnt there always a something in nothing, Ash?"I said, teasingly.   Ashley chuckled,"Well, there is a nothing once in a while, in which there really is nothing, you said it yourself."   We both smiled, Ashley  was fun to be around.Then Jake stood up. "Attention,Truth or Dare everyone, come on."   "Excellent, come on Steph." Ashley took my hand. "Oh, no,I am not playing,I can still tast mushrooms in my mouth."I said, backing away, but Ashley grabbed me. "Yes, you are playing,Steph.Come on"I didnt move. "Come ON, Steph, or I will carry you there." Ashley pulled me towards the table. "Who's first?" a girl in the year below,Mitchelle Clark asked. "Stephanie Moore."Ashley announced. "Me? Why me?" I groaned. "Because you were the last one to join the game?"Ashley replied, matter of factly."Come on now, dont be a spoilsport, Truth or Dare?"   I thought about it, who knew what dare Ashley might make me do? Truth was much safer. "Truth." "Truth, what shall I ask you? Hmmm....." Ashley said. "I know!" Ashley exclaimed,"What did Mr Owens called for?"  I froze, "I... I cant tell you that, Ash, Mr Owens told me not to tell anyone." "You have to, Steph, you chose Truth, afterall." Should I tell? Everyone WOULD know tommorrow,what would it hurt if they came to know today? "Ok,"I said. "And remember, only the truth."Ashley warned. "Ok, well, Mr Owens just called to tell me that Mandy isnt the lead in Sustenance."I explained.    Ashley took a deep breath,"Then who is? The lead,I mean?" I looked around. There was silence in the room. All eyes were on me, waiting for the answer.I took a deep breath and finally said,             "You are,Ash."              Chapter 8  Ashley gasped,"Yes,yes, yes,Oh my God!,Jake!"  Ashley hugged Jake,she didnt leave,"Oh,oh, Jake."Jake held her tightly, "I am so happy for you, Ash,so so happy." "I cant believe it, Oh, this is too good to be true,you are sure, arent you,Steph?"      I nodded, "Yes," Mr Owens hadnt really said that Ashley was the lead, but I had figured, if Mandy wasnt the lead, then ofcourse Ashley would be.    A tear rolled down Ashley's cheek. "Why are you crying,Ash?" I asked, this was nothing to cry about, was it? "These are happy tears, Steph."Ashley replied."oh,I am so happy!" She hugged me too, then she hugged Jake again,"Finally, Finally, Jake." "Yes,yes, I know."Jake replied.   What were they talking about?But I didnt care, it made me feel happy to see Ashley happy, but I felt that twinge again when I saw Ashley and Jake together. "umm.....you guys."I tried to break their hug, "Mandy is second lead." "Oh, but who cares? she can be anything she wants as long as she is not the lead."Ashley said. "Yes, but did Mr Owens say why he didnt select Mandy for the lead?" Jake asked.     I didnt want to reply, I knew I would regret it later, But I had to do something to divert their attention and break their hug, they were still holding hands. "He...Well, Mandy is, you know, quite....energetic.I mean, she gets angry at very little things,like that day she flew at Ashley, Mr Owens doesnt want someone like that for the lead." "Energetic?" Jake chuckled and moved away from Ashley, "Is that the best you can do,Steph?"  I blushed, but atleast I had suceeded in diverting their attention. "Mr Owens was right at THAT,"A boy named Winston said."That McHugh girl looked so comical,running down the corridors, her arms flying." "Yeah, she wasnt fit to be lead."another girl nodded. "Ashley is much better." a boy said.     I had to say something, I had turned then all against Mandy. "You guys," I started,"Dont say that, Mandy is a very good actres, I am sure-" "No, she isnt,"A boy said,"She shouldnt even be second lead, she will mess up all our rehearsals."    Everyone shook their head in agreement, even Ashley and Jake. I glared at them, ofcourse, now that Ashley was the lead, what would she care? but Jake too? But ofcourse, he was Ashley's best friend wasnt he? He would support her. I remembered Mandy's words, "You are my best friend, Steph, you should support me." Oh, forget that,Jake was most probably Ashley's boyfriend too, though none of them would admit to it, why did I care anyways? Why did I care if Jake and Ashley were together? "YOU should be the second lead,Steph,"Jake said suddenly, breaking into my thoughts."You are quite a good actress too."   "Well I never! I never really thought about it Jake." "Then think about it now."Jake replied.     "As far as I know, all the parts have already been given out,Jake."I replied,"And anyways, I dont even want a part, if I would have wanted, I would have auditioned, it was always Mandy-"   "Forget Mandy, I am sure she must have been the one to tell you not to audition,didnt she?"Ashley broke in. "No, she didnt tell me, I decided for myself." This was a right out lie, I HAD wanted a part in Grease, but when Mandy had said that she had only thought about me for the stage crew, I had changed my mind. Afterall, if my best friend did not think me capable of acting, then most probably I wasnt.  "Maybe she didnt discourage you, but she didnt encourage you either, did she?" "Yes, she didnt." What was the use lying? They already thought bad about Mandy.   "We are encouraging you, Steph."Ashley said,"All the parts havent been taken yet, as far as I know,There is a minor part left.No one auditioned for it, Mr Owens is still looking for someone." "Which part is it?" I heard myself asking.I couldnt believe myself. Was I really thinking about auditioning? Surely not? "Of Rosalind who is Merope's younger sister, its really a very small part, just a few lines,I dont think its taken yet."Ashley replied.   "Merope,hmmm....."Who was Merope?I didnt know the play cast that well, I only knew the lead role of Sandy because of Mandy. "Merope's the second lead,which means Mandy."Ashley said, seeing that I didnot have any knowledge who Merope was.  Mandy, hmm...so Rosalind was Merope's sister,meaning I would be Mandy's sister.If I got the part ofcourse and that only IF I auditioned.And that even if that part wasnt taken yet.  But if I did get the part, was I ready to spend so much time in Mandy's aqquaintance just yet? But why should I care? Mandy should back out if she wanted too, not me. Mandy had never, as Ashley said, encouraged me.These were my real friends,I looked around the room, who recognised my real talent.       "Okay,"I said,"I'll ask Mr Owens tommorrow." "You better do,"Jake said.     "Oh, I am so excited!"Ashley exclaimed, hugging me again,"I did SO wanted to be the lead." "Well,you are now," I pointed out,"So no worries."    "I know, it still is totally unbelievable, Me, the lead role of such a great play? Wow!Amazing!"Ashley threw her hands in the air.   I sighed. Mandy too,had been so excited, so happy, when she had been announced the lead last year.She would be so heartbroken, so devasted when she would find out that she wasnt the lead.Oh, she would need some moral support.She had no other good friends except me.What would she do, all alone?   "Does Mandy know?"Ashley broke into my thoughts. "Mandy? What does Mandy know?" I said.      "I mean, does Mandy know that she is not the lead, I am?" "No, how would she know?"    "You ofcourse."Ashley pointed towards me,"I mean, you told a whole roomful of people that Mandy is not the lead, I am, then ofcourse you would have told your best friend too."      "No, I havent,"I shook my head,"We arent talking right now." I was surprised, didnt Ashley remember what I had told her about my necklace.Ofcourse,Mandy and I werent talking, how could we be, after all that had happened?         "Oh," Ashley said."Well, thats all you both seem to do ever since I have known you, I mean, I have never seen you two being friendly toward each other, you are almost always fighting."     "Yes, it IS sort of strange,Ash, ever since you have came, we two are always having fights." "What is that supposed to mean?"    "Nothing,"I replied."Just saying, by the way, congratz on gettig the lead." "Thanks."    "I'll be going now, is getting quite late,Ash."  "Okay, and thanks Steph."     "For what?" "For telling me the good news."   "Oh that, no problem.Bye now."  "Hey,Steph!wait!"Jake called.    I turned around"Yes?" "You are going home alone?"   "Ummm...yes." "Do you want me to walk you home?"   Jake was offering to walk me home.What did this mean?   "Umm..no, I'll be okay, but thenks for offering." "You sure?"   "Definitely."I nodded."Bye now." " Okay good, bye then." I turned around,"By the way, when will you go home, Ash? its getting quite late."    "Oh, I'll hang around,Jake wont get rid of me so easily."Ashley smiled. "You bet I wont."Jake smiled back.   I felt awful leaving them both here together, but I had too. My curfew was 7:00, I had to get home by 7:15 at the latest.It was already 6:55 now, If I didnt get home at 7:10 atleast, mother would be worried sick.Father would be home by that time too, and they would both be worrying together.So I had to leave now.    I left them like thatand started walking on the road.What was that sound I had heard when I was coming?Had someone been following me?Most probably not, just my own imagination playing tricks on me. Anyways,Mandy.Oh,Mandy,Mandy,Mandy, what was I going to do about her?She would already be completely broken on finding out that she was not the lead and then she would find out that I had told everyone that she was not the lead beforehand. I had turned everyone against her!Oh, what had I DONE?It seemed as if everyone knew the news except the person it most concerned. Chapter 9 I woke up early the next morning. There was a sickening feeling in my chest.Today was the day that the roles of Sustenance would be announced.Today was the day that Mandy's heart was going to be broken. Oh God,what would happen today?     I dressed quickly, one part of me wanted to get to school quickly, so that I could get this all over with and leave it in the past.But one part of me wanted to delay this forever. I was trembling to think of what would happen when Mandy would find out that she was not the lead. "Morning,honey."my mother called out as I entered the kitchen,"Breakfast?"    "No thanks, mother, I really dont feel like eating today." "Come on, Steph, have a little bit of toast atleast."  I sighed.What was the use arguing?Mother never let me go to school without eating anything first,and besides the school bus wasn't due for another 10 minutes.I pulled out a chair and sat down. "So, how's school going,Steph?" my mother asked, buttering the toast. "School's good."I replied, taking a bite.    "Everything is fine between you and Mandy?" I choked."Yes,ofcourse,why....why are you asking?"   "Nothing,but i havent seen Mandy around the house since the past few days,so I just wondered." I remembered Ashley's theory that there was always something in nothing.But I didnt ponder over it.     "Everthing's fine,mother." "No,really Steph, your father and I hardly ever see Mandy these days, infact we hardly ever see YOU."    "Well,umm...I have been kind of busy these days." "Busy with what? You were late last night, so I called Mandy, she said you werent with her, If you  were not with her, then where were you?"   Damn Mandy.How dare she tattle on me? "Umm...I was with,err...some new friends." "What new friends?" "Oh, look,there's the school bus,I'll talk to you later, mother, bye."   "Ok, bye, Steph." Thank God. the school bus came at just the right moment.Though there was only walking distance between the school and my home,Mandy and I had decided that we would go by the school bus. We usually came home in the afternoon on our bikes or sometimes we walked home, but we almost always went to school by the bus.          I climbed up the steps and into the bus, Mandy and I always sat together, but today she was sittting with Nicole instead. Ashley didnt go by the school bus, so I had noone else to sit next to. I just went and sat by myself.Mandy was sitting on the seat behind me.   "Hey, so today the roles of Sustenance will be announced.Goh, I am so excited."a girl named Lia Candara said.  "I know,"her friend Eschell replied."I do so hope you get the second lead."    "But what if I dont?" "Dont worry, you will."   "But, there are two candidates for the lead, the one who wont win will surely get the second lead, wont she?"    "Umm.....I dont know, that depends on Mr Owens, I guess."Eschell replied. "Who  do you think will get the lead?"        "Ashley John, I thought she was MUCH better then that McHugh girl." "Really?Well, I  dont think so,Mandy was good enough too."      I was sure Mandy could hear all this, she was sitting just behind me.I looked back at her,she was taking care not to let her eyes meet mine.If she was going to be so rude,then I didnt care either.    "I agree with you,Lia."I joined in the conversation,"I too think that Ashley will get the lead." "Really?"Lia said, surprised."But isnt Mandy your best friend?"     "Was." I said,putting emphasis on the past tense. Serve Mandy right.I looked back at her again, Finally, she looked at me, with this sort of strange look, not angry, just surprised.   "You guys,"Eschell said."Why do you both think so? Mandy was very good too."  "She may be, but I dont think Mr Owens will make a tattle tale the lead."I said, looking back at Mandy.      "Tattle tale? what do you mean?" Lia said. "Oh, nothing."I said and sat back on my seat.      When did I become so mean?Oh, well, nothing could be done now.The bus came to a stop at the school gate. Mandy got out quickly, I followed. I had thought she would say something to me about yesterday, but she didnt, she just walked ahead of me and went into class.     The rest of the day passed in restlessness, whatever was going to happen today?Finally, drama period came during which the roles of Sustenance were going to be announced.A lot of people had gathered in the auditorium to watch the roles being announced.I saw  the two girls from the bus, Lia and Eschell sitting in a corner. Lia with her head in her hands. Probably wishing with all her heart to get the second lead. Poor her, how broken she would be to find out that she was not the second lead.How broken would Mandy be to find out that she was not the lead.    I saw Mandy too, standing with a group of her friends. But that didnt worry me, because I knew that they werent real friends, just Mandy's worshippers. Anyways, it would be good for her to have some support when she would find out that she was not the lead.   I didnt think I would care, but as I looked at Mandy's worried face, all our good memories flashed in my brain. All the good times, how could I leave her alone like this in such an important day of her life? No, I couldnt, she was my best friend, I had to be with her, support her today. I took a deep breath and took a step towards Mandy. "Hey,Steph."I turned around, it was Ashley.   "Hi."I replied.I turned around again, Mandy was looking at me, I took another step towrds her. "Come on,Steph."Ashley took my hand,"Where are you going?"   I looked back again, Mandy or Ashley? they were both staring at me. I remembered yesterday,Mandy's words "I want nothing more to do with you, Stephanie Moore."    I remembered mother's words "Mandy said you werent with her."   and then Ashley's words "I would really like to know you better,Steph"    Ashley.Ashley was the right choice.Mandy had left me,Mandy had herself finished everything with me, Mandy had tattled to my mother,why was I going towards her now? I took a step back and turned towards Ashley.   "No where, I was just looking for you,Ashley, where's Jake?" "He must be here somewhere," Ashley replied." come on, lets get a seat."      She started towards the chairs, I followed,Ashley was  the only candidate who did not look worried, ofcourse, she already knew that she was the lead, what  need did she have to worry? We chose a table and sat down. I looked back again.Mandy was still staring at me, her mouth hanging open in surprise.I giggled, what had she thought?That I would still go with her after what she had done yesterday? All the previous times, it was Mandy who used to get angry and I had to convince her, now i was angry at her for a change.It felt good to be in control. "Hey,Steph,Ash." Jake said, coming over. "Hi." we both replied together. I looked at Ashley and smiled. she smiled back. "So?"Jake started,"Did you ask Mr Owens for the part?" "No," I repled." look, I just wasnt born for acting-"    "No, you are."Ashley broke in,"What's so wrong in auditioning? If you dont get the part, fine then, but what if you do get the part? Wont it be amazing then?"   I sighed. "I dont know." "Ash is right,Steph." Jake said."You should audition atleast-"   "But what if the part is already taken?" I broke in. "That's why we are telling you to go to Mr Owens now,Steph, before the roles are announced."Ashley said.    "And if the part is taken, then good, but go to Mr Owens now, Steph, we are right behind you."Jake added. " Are you sure of this?" I asked.    "Yes,"they both replied together. "Ok then, but come with me." I got up, Ashley and Jake got up too, I saw Mandy looking at me from the corner of my eye, probably wondering where I was going.  Mr Owens was sitting on a chair backstage, sorting out some papers. "Mr Owens?" I called out nervously. "Yes,Miss Moore?"    "Ummm...i wanted to ask you something-" "Is something wrong with the sets?" Mr Owens asked.    "No,err...I just wondered, has the role of Rosalind be taken yet?" "Rosalind?" Mr owens replied,"No, I dont think so, but why are you asking?"    "umm...I wondered,err..could I audition for the part?" "You?but arent you the sets manager?"    "Yes, I am but-" "But she would like to have a role in the play too."Ashley broke in.    "If that is the case, then you can audition now, before the announcing of the roles." Mr Owens replied. "Umm...okay." I said.   "Dont worry, you'll be fine."Ashley thumped me on the back. "Wish me luck."I said.   "Good luck"Jake and Ashley said.I auditioned.Thank God,my audition was backstage and not in front of all the other people or I would have just died.Though I did feel bad that Mandy wasnt here, she would have seen that I too had the talent for acting. "Good,"Mr Owens said after I had auditioned."You can go now"    "Okay."I nodded and we left. "Ooooh, I am so excited," Ashley said."How wonderful will my name sound annouced as the lead."   "Yes, comeon,lets sit." I said.   We all sat down.Mr Owens came on the stage.    "Thankyou all for gathering here today,"He announced,"As you all know, the roles of Sustenance are going to be announced today."  A cheer came from the crowds. "Now before I announce the names," Mr Owens continued"I would like to say that all of the contestants were equally good, and it was very hard for me to decide who to select, please dont feel bad if you dont get the role you wanted."    The crowds were cheering louder then ever. "We will start from the lead roles, these were very difficult to decide,but the male lead role is Jason Mandley!"    The whole auditorium erupted in applause.A smile came on Ashley's face, she was going to get this applause too, Jason's supporters clapped and cheered.I turned around.     "And now for the female lead role,"Mr Owens continued,I held my breath,"The female lead role is,and this too was very hard to decide, but the female lead is.....Ashley John!"      Chapter 10 I closed me eyes and waited.All around me, there were cheers, applause, clapping, all for Ashley. But I only waited for one voice, Mandy's.Mandy was going to start shouting any minute now. I waited for another minute, no sound. Why wasnt Mandy saying anything?Was she there? I opened my eyes, there was Mandy,sitting now, and not trace of sadness on her face! Infact, she looked quite happy, maybe she was just pretending to be happy, she couldnt really be happy. She had lost the lead, the thing she had been dreading since days! ofcourse, she couldnt be happy.   I closed my eyes again, any minute now, I opened my eyes again, was everything allright with Mandy?  I wasnt  even aware that Ashley was hugging me, I only had eyes for Mandy. Was something wrong with Mandy? I looked at her again, her eyes found mine. She looked at me for a full minute before turning away.Mr Owens looked at me and smiled.OMG! he thought I had somehow convinced Mandy to stay quiet. But I hadnt, I hadnt told Mandy that she wasnt the lead, then why wasnt she saying anything now?      "And now for the second leads,"Mr Owens was still announcing,but I didnt hear which name he announced for the male lead, I was still looking at Mandy."The female second lead is Mandy McHugh!"   I clapped, so did many others, there was cheering too, but it was comparitively less then that which had been done for Ashley.I looked over for Lia, there she was, tears running down her face.she was crying, and Mandy looked happy that she had lost.  Mr Owens went on announcing the roles, I was only woken out of my trance when Jake's name was called. That brought me back to life. "Hey, congratz,Jake." Ashley said. "But...But you didnt audition, Jake."I cried out.    "Are you in your right mind,Steph? ofcourse I did,I auditioned for the part of Harry and I got it." Jake replied, waving a hand in front of my eyes. "Umm...ok,ok, you may have auditioned, but I dont remember, congatz anyway."I said.   "Thanks." "Hey!"I suddenly exclaimed.  "What?"  Ashley asked.    "My name wasnt announced,right?" I asked, realization dawning on me that I hadnt got a part.  "No,silly." Jake said."Your name wil be announced later on, only the big parts are being announced now, not the minor ones." "And ofcourse you will get the part." Ashley said,"No one else auditioned for it." She added with a laugh.   What was that supposed to mean? That I was wrong to want a part that noone else wanted? "Look," Jake pointed out."Mr Owens is announcing the minor ones now."    I strained my ears to hear.I looked over at Mandy, she was still sitting like that, with a smile on her face. Did she know that I too had auditioned for a part? "For the role of Rosalind, Stephanie Moore."Mr Owens announced.   There were lots of cheers, Ashley and Jake clapped. Many of their friends were clapping too, I looked over at Mandy, she wasnt clapping,she looked shocked. I giggled. What did she think, that I wasnt good enough to get a part? Fine, it was a part noone else wanted, but atleast it was a part.I had shown Mandy right. She caught my eyes, and raised her hands to clap.I smiled, ha! I had defeated Mandy, she HAD to clap.     I turned my eyes away.Many people came to congratulate me but they were nothing compared to those who came to congratulate Jake, and even they were nothing compared to those who came to congratulate Ashley. Mandy was still standing with her crowd of worshippers. She walked towards us as I looked at her. I held up my face proudly, and took Ashley's hand. Mandy looked at my hand, holding Ashley's hand, with a look that could be described as disgust.     "Congratulations,Ashley."she said, extending a hand. "Congratulations to you too, on getting the SECOND lead." Ashley said contemptuously, shaking Mandy's hand. "Well, I got an important part,atleast, unlike SOME people I know." Mandy replied, looking at me pointedly.     "Unlike SOME people, I dont lie,its important enough for me." I shot back. "Oh really?" Mandy said, turning towards me,"And when have these SOME people lied to you?"     "Why do you care?" I snorted,"You are not in that list of SOME people, or do you think you are?"  Ashley giggled. That brought us back to earth. I turned around, everyone was watching us.     "That's for you to decide, it's your list, afterall."Mandy said, turning away,"Congratulations anyway, and congratulations to you too Jake, and you Ashley, you finally got what you wanted.you got everything." "Yes, I did." Ashley replied, her eyes ablaze,"I got everything which was once yours."   Mandy and Ashley glared at each other, I looked at Mandy, why had I ever been friends with her in the first place? How could I ever have been so stupid? To have thought that she actually cared for me? But atleast it was all over now, I could leave it all in the past and start my new life with my new friends.    "Come on, Ashley, Jake." I came in between,"let's go, there's no use standing here now."   "Yeah," Ashley nodded,"Come on." I walked away, leaving Mandy standing there, Jake followed us, I turned around,     "By the way, congratz Mandy, on getting the second lead." I walked towards her again, and extended a hand, she took it,I stared in her eyes, was that regret?No,it couldnt be, as I looked in her eyes, I felt myself dissolving, all those good memories, Mandy, my bestfriend Mandy. I tried to pull my hand out of her grasp, she didnt let go, I pulled my hand again. She just kept staring at me with those puppy like eyes, my hand was hurting now.   "Come on,Steph." I heard Ashley call. Mandy dropped my hand, it hung loosely on my side,I stared at her in surprise.She turned away and left. I kept standing there, staring at her disappearing figure. "What are you looking at,Steph?" Jake said, coming over at my side," Dont you have a class to go to?Ashley has already left." "Ohh...n.nothing."I replied, still in a daze.Jake pinched me,"Ouch!Hey,Jake!"I called out in pain.    "Good you are back to your senses, are you coming, or are you going to stand here staring all day?" "Coming, Coming." I replied, and let Jake drag me out of the auditorium, once we were out, he said,"Will you be alright now, Steph?"   "Ofcourse,"I replied, moving away.He grabbed my hand and pulled me back,"You dont seem ok to me, Steph, maybe you should go to the sick room." "I am fine,Jake." I replied, though I was thrilled to pieces inside,Jake was worried for me!did that mean that he really liked me?    "Are you sure?" he asked again. "Yes," I nodded.Suddenly I felt an urge to hug him, I reached up(Jake is quite tall), and hugged him.   "Whoa!" He started, "You are definitely not ok,Steph, what's came into you today?" "Nothing." I replied,smiling,"I am just a little over excited,Jake, if you know what I mean."    "You are not a little over excited, you are completely over excited,as far as I can tell." I smiled again, Jake was so amazing! How could I have forgotten how much I cared for Jake while I was best friends with Mandy? It seemed ridiculous to me now,Mandy compared to Jake? No,null, she was nothing compared to Jake. Jake was my best friend, if only, if only I could tell everyone that Jake was my present best friend.Who was my present best friend, anyways? Not Mandy ofcourse, then Ashley? But Ashley and Jake were best friends. So none of them could be my best friend. Maybe Ashley and Jake were more then best friends?            I hope not,was a person allowed to have more then one best friend? I didnt know, wouldnt that create a sort of triangle? One person would always be left out.And was it necessary that a person have one best friend atleast? Couldn't a person have just many friends, and not just one best friend?             "There you go again,"I heard Jake say,I looked up,"Earth to Stephanie."He said, waving a hand in front of my eyes.I rolled my eyes.  "Fine,I am alive, ok? I am in my senses, now what do you want?"I was annoyed, he had interrupted my thoughts. "I want to hug you!" He said suddenly, and lifted me up.   "Jake!!" I screamed,"This is a school, for God's sake! put me down!" "ok,ok,Ha!" Jake laughed, as he lowered me to the ground,"Got you back!"    "What did I ever do to you?" I said,laughing. "Nothing, that's what you did,nothing!"      "You idiot!" I giggled,"I will get you back for this one, see if I dont!" Suddenly I noticed someone standing in a corner."Hey!"I cried.     "What?" Jake said, turning around.        "Someone's spying on us!!!" Chapter 11  "Where?Who's spying on us?" Jake exclaimed, turning around.     "They have run off now, There!" I ran towards the hall,"Hey! Whoever you are, Stop!!" I ran down the hall, where had they hidden? who had been spying on me and Jake? was it a he, a she, or a they?I turned around, Jake was following me.I ran faster and crashed into......"Mandy!!"       "What are you doing here?" I asked, breathing hard, Mandy had been spying on me and Jake, Mandy was bent down on the floor, collecting up her books which had fallen out of her hands when we had crashed.   "What need is there to run down the halls at top speed,Stephanie?"Mandy asked, looking up. "The need is,"I started,"That I have to find some people who were spying on me and Jake, you have any idea what I am talking about?"  "No, for God's sake, Stephanie, have you always been mad, or have you recently lost your mind?" "I have recently GOT back my mind after loosing it to you for two years!" I said, shaking her hard so she stood up. "What do you want, Stephanie?"Mandy asked, annoyed.    "What do I want? What do YOU want,Mandy? Why were you spying on us?" "I wasnt spying on you,Stephanie, I was just walking down the hall to my next class,when I crashed into you, or when YOU crashed into me."   "Oh, really?" I said, copying Mandy's sarcastic tone once again,"You are lying!" "I am not, I really do think something has happened to your brain,Steph, one accusation after another, cant you get a life?"   I rolled my eyes, Jake came running up,"What's happening? Did you find out who was spying on us, Steph?" "I did find out,Jake, but that person wont admit to it." I said, looking pointedly at Mandy.   "Hey!Why are you all gathered here?" Ashley asked, coming out of a corner. "Where were you all this time,Ash?" Jake asked just as I was about to tell Ashley about Mandy's obvious lie.     "Me? Nowhere, I was just going to class, why? what's happening?" Ashley replied, coming towards me.Jake looked at Ashley suspiciously and I glared at Jake, did he think that Ashley had been spying on us? For God's sake!   "Am I allowed to leave now?" Mandy said, sarcastically. "No, you are not, not until you admit that you were spying on us, and why you were spying on us!" I said, glaring at her. "Well, it may surprise you, Steph."Mandy started, glaring back at me, "But you dont rule the world,Now get out of mt way."   "No,you cant go, unless you tell why you were spying on us, Mandy."  I said, coming in front of her, to block her way. "Be it the hard way then." Mandy replied, I stared at her surprised, suddenly she pushed me, I stepped back in pain, Mandy started walking and then turned around again, "Dont ever bother me again, Stephanie Moore, or you will find out that I too, have the power to hurt." She said, and then turned away. "What?" I asked and ran after her,Ashley stopped me,"No,Steph, leave her alone, she is already upset on not getting the lead." "Yup,"Jake said,taking my hand,"Lets go to class now."   I once again let him drag me to class,"I cant believe her, how dare she be so rude-"I started but Ashley interrupted. "For God's sake, cant you just forget that?forget Mandy, forget what she said."    "I am TRYING to, but she doesnt let me, whyever was she spying at me?"I said, exasperated. "Maybe it's the fact that you and Jake walk around the school as if you are a couple!" Ashley burst out.      "What?!We are not!" Jake exclaimed, dropping my hand. "Then that better be, Jake, you cant forget what you promised me." Ashley said, pushing me out of the way and going towards Jake.  Promise? What had Jake promised Ashley? And why did Ashley feel bad if Jake and I even did look like a couple?What if they were the same reasons as mine, when I had felt bad when Ashley and Jake had been together?What if, What if Ashley liked Jake too? and what if Jake liked Ashley too? Oh my God! Did I like Jake? Was that why I felt bad when Ashley and Jake were together? I looked at them now, they were hugging, I felt a rush of anger, of betrayal. Suddenly I didnt want to be here anymore, no, Ashley and Jake belonged together.          I was an intruder here, I turned back silently, and went back to class, No one noticed me leave, Jake and Ashley were too busy embracing and ofcourse I didnot have a best friend anymore to be with me always.     "Hey, where did you run off to in lunch?" Jake said, catching up with me. It was afternoon now,  and I was at my locker, collecting all my books, before I went home.   "No where, I just realized it was late for class." I replied, turning towards him. "But still, Steph, you ran off without saying anything, you arent upset by what Ashley said about us, are you?" Me? upset? No way, I hadnt been upset by what Ashley had said about me and Jake, I had been upset by what she had done after she had said that. "No, ofcourse not, Jake." "Thank God then, I was worried, come on, I'll walk you home."   "Thanks Jake, but I will be fine." "You are still angry, arent you,Steph?"    "No really, Jake, there's no need, I am not angry at you, why would I be?" "Then prove it."Jake said, "Let me walk you home."     I sighed, if he was being so stubborn, what could I do?    "Fine then, but where's Ashley?"I asked. "Ashley is going to stay after school,Steph."Jake replied,"She has some things to do."      "What things?" "I dont know, just asking Mr Owens for the rehearsals  for Sustenance, I guess."     Oh, so this was the reason. Jake was with me because Ashley wasnt available, if Ashley had been there, he never would have offered to walk me home, I sighed, I felt dreadful.     "Come on now."Jake said, we started walking. "Umm..so?" I asked.   "So what?" Jake said, confused. "Umm...I mean, err...I mean, oh nothing." I couldn't ask him, I had been meaning to ask him if there was anything between him and Ashley. He had denied it that afternoon in The California Dream, all those days ago, but maybe now things were different.But I couldn't bring myself to ask him, I just couldn't.  "Nothing what? What did you want  to ask me, Steph?" Jake pounced on the subject.      "Err....I...Umm..yes! I wanted to ask you would you like to come for tea at my house today,Jake?"I said, thank god I thought of something,"Mother wants to meet you."       "Ok then." Jake smiled at me, my heart melted, I smiled back.Atleast one problem was solved now, mother would finally be contended that I wasnt hanging out with wrong people after she met Jake. AND another problem was solved, worrying and worrying about how Mandy would react when she found out that she wasn't the lead, that was all over now. AND I was here with Jake, while Ashley was far away at school. I walked happily with Jake, looking up at him and smiling.  "There,"I said pointing out,we had been walking for quite a while now,we had reached my house. "Your house still looks the same as always, Steph, even though it's been two years."Jake said, turning.      "Am I the same too?"I said teasingly. "Not at all.Steph, you have changed, ALOT."    "In what ways have I changed?" "In your looks for the first thing, you have grown more beautiful."      I blushed and looked away from Jake,did Jake really think I was beautiful? More beautiful then Ashley?I for one did not think so.   "I meant, you know, in qualities."I explained. "I was going to say that,Steph."Jake replied,"You have became, I dont know, sort of indifferent."     Indifferent,me? OMG! did Jake think I was ignoring him? "So this is the bell, right?" Jake said, changing the subject, I looked up, we were standing in front of my house."Yes,"I nodded. I normally went through the back door, but since Jake was with me this time, and I had  to introduce him to mother, I thought it better to go through the front door, and anyways, Jake had already rang the bell. "Steph? Is that you?"My mother called,"Yes." I answered.My mother opened the door,"Come on in, Steph, why didnt you come through the back door?I thought...oh!" she broke, when she noticed Jake.    "Good  Afternoon,Mrs Moore." Jake said, extending a hand. "Good Afternoon."My mother replied, looking at me quetioningly.     "This is Jake Wilson,mother, you remember Jake? My best friend in primary?" "Oh, Jake,"My mother said, a flicker of recognition on her face."Come on in, would you like tea?"    "Oh no, I am sorry Mrs Moore,  but actually I have to go somewhere-" "But you said you would Jake!"I broke in.    "Yes, I did, but I just remembered I have to go somewhere,I'll see you later,bye Steph."Jake replied and began walking. "Well, bye then."I said, and went inside.     "What was that?" My mother asked, as soon as I entered. "Nothing, Mother, I am tired, I'll have a little rest before I eat,ok?"    My mother did not insist, she just nodded.It must have been clear from my face that I needed some rest. Of course I did. It had been such a tiring day.I sighed and climbed upstairs. i was just outside my bedroom door when I heard some muffled voices.Someone was in my room! An intruder! A theif!      What should I do? I screamed, mother came running,"What happened,Steph?Are you allright?" "Th..there's someone in my bedroom!"I exclaimed.     "In your bedroom?"My mother said and came forward.She opened my bedroom door while I marveled at her bravery.I looked around my room, everything seemed in place and there was certainly no one in there.    "There's no one there, Steph, you must have been mistaken." "No! there was someone here-"    "Steph, you are tired.Have some rest and then I will call you for lunch."My mother said and left, I looked at her disappearing figure. Oh well, maybe I had been mistaken.   I looked around again, everything was in place,if someone had been in my room, they would have taken something.I dropped down on my bed. Me and my wild imagination.I closed my eyes.                Ugh...my legs ached.I sat up again.Jake, sweet amazing Jake. So incredibly sweet of him to walk me home.But why did he leave so suddenly then?and what was that he said about me being indifferent?I didnt want to loose him,I didnt want to loose anyone anymore.I had already lost Mandy.What would happen now?But Jake, what about him, why did I care so much for him?Those pics! of me and Jake together, I wanted to see them now. I stood up, and walked towards my cupboard, wasnt that where I had put them the last time after showing them to Ashley?   I searched the cupboard thoroughly, I threw out a lot of clothes, but still no pics. But then I remembered that I hadnt put them back in the cupboard after I had shown them to Ashley.I remembered what Ashley had said, "Keep them in a safe place atleast, they are precious."   Yup, I hadnt put them back in the cupboard, they would still be in my bedside drawer, I opened it, and threw out all that was inside, but still no pics.I searched all my other drawers but still no pics. I turned my whole room upside down and then looked around in despair.That was when the realization hit me.    Someone had deliberately stolen my and Jake's pics!!! Chapter 12 I turned around. Who had done it? Who had stolen our pics? Ofcourse not, no one would have, they would still be here, just my wild imagination again. I bent down to look at the mess on my bedroom floor. I ruffled some clothes here and there, and then started throwing them on my bed.Finally the floor was clothes-free. I ran my hand through my other things. Where? Where were they? They HAD to be here somewhere.   I stood up, no, they weren't here.I ran out of my room, and ran down the stairs, taking two at a time.There was mother, in the kitchen, probably making something for lunch.   "Mother?" "Yes,hon?Why didnt you go to sleep yet?"   "Forget that,mother, Listen, have you seen that album of pics I had, of me and Jake together?" "Album of pics?No, why? Have you lost them?"     "Yes, they arent where I left them, has anyone been in my room recently?" "No, just the daily maid,It must be there in your room only,Steph.Look carefully."    "I have looked carefully, mother, I have looked everywhere!" I said.  "Dont TELL me, Stephanie Moore, have you thrown out everything again?"   I flushed, how did mother came to know?"Umm..well,err..I'll put it back again,mother." "You better do,Steph, go and put your room to order right this minute."   I nodded once and climbed the stairs gloomily and went back to my room, once I saw the mess my room was in, my heart sank.It was impossible to believe that I had brought this disaster to myself in the space of only,what, 5 minutes? Maybe that was my special talent.To attract trouble.   I wasn't going to clean this up now ofcourse. I had more important things to do, I had to find those pics first. And while everything was out on the floor, then there would be no problem if I made a little bit more mess.I bent down and then sighed.It was no use, I wouldn't be able to find anything in this mess. I pulled myself up and plopped down on the bed.I rolled over and closed my eyes.              Ouch, there was something pricking me there, under the covers. I stood up again, and pulled the sheet off the bed. There, now the bed was just as messy as the floor, but I didnt bother about that now,there it was, the thing which had been pricking me. I reached over to take it in my hand and then gasped.It was my necklace! The one I had left at Mandy's, the one I had accused Mandy of stealing!           But what was it doing here? I had left it at Mandy's yesterday, and she hadn't given it back to me in school today.Then how sould it be here? and what about that voice I had heard, making me think that there was an intruder in my room? Were these two things connected? And then the mystery of the pics.Where were they?One thing was for sure, only Mandy knew where my necklace was, only she had the power to retrieve it, if the necklace was here, then it could only mean that Mandy had been in my room too. And if she had been in my room, then she had taken the pics too. I couldn't believe it! She had sunk to breaking in and stealing now!How could she! How DARE she?                I would kill her, I would completely and totally kill her when I would see her tommorow. Infact I would go over to her house and kill her right now. Such a dangerous criminal did not deserve to live in this world one more minute. First she had spyed on me and Jake, and then she stole our pics.But what did she have against Jake? I had thought she was only jealous of Ashley. But No, it was me.It made her angry to see me happy, that was her problem, she had got it in against ME.             Well, I was soon going to put that right now, I jumped off my bed, not  bothering to be careful of not crunching my clothes(strewn on the floor) by my shoes. I went down the stairs quietly and I was about to enter the living room and announce my mother that I was going over to teach Mandy a lesson that she would never forget, but then I stopped. Mother would never let me go, she would bother too much about me cleaning my room first, and I didnot want to delay this visit. I sneaked quietly out of the back door, shutting the door noiselessly behind me. I knew mother would be hurt if she found out that I had sneaked out and I would probably be grounded but I had to take that risk.          I walked softly on the hard ground.Have I ever mentioned before that the distance between my and Mandy's house is really small? As it was, I reached her house soon. I decided to ring the bell.We used to have a secret way, whenever I would come over, I would tap quietly on the back door three times, and Mandy would know it was me, and then we would hang out for hours, and Mrs McHugh  wouldn't notice a thing until I would suddenly spring up and surprise her, and she would wonder how long I had been there.It all seemed childish now, I felt my hands clenching into fists as I waited for someone to open the door.    I heard footsteps and readied myself, Mandy's mother opened the door. "Good afternoon, Mrs McHugh."I started,"Can I meet Mandy?"    "Of course."She replied and led me in.she gave me a look which plainly asked why I hadn't came through the back door.Obviously, Mandy hadn't told her about our little exchange of friends. I smiled apologetically and then waved once before climbing the stairs which would lead me to Mandy's room.I knew she wouldn't be expecting me, but when I reached her door, the sound which I heard coming out shocked me. Mandy was crying! A thing I hadn't seen her do in months!          I opened the door and ran towards her, hugging her instintively. It was only after she pushed me back that I realized what I was doing and the reason I was here. I stepped back, trying to bring some of the anger back,which I had been feeling at my own house, and which had melted as soon as I had heard Mandy crying.But try as I did, I failed very badly.        Mandy glared at me, trying to wipe away her tears with her hand. So it had all been an act, that smiling face when the roles of Sustenance had been announced. This was the real Mandy, without the hard mask.Crying, crying because she had lost the role of Sandy.    "What are you doing here?" She asked very rudely, as I watched her sniff.I dint know what to answer, I couldnt be angry at her when she was so weak like this. "Well, errr..."I started, and then stopped.I looked aat her, her expression turned into a snarl.     "Just say it and get out!" She said,glaring. Fine,I felt my anger rising again.If she was going to be so difficult, then so was I. "Good, where's my necklace?"I asked. "That damned necklace again!" Mandy shouted in frustration,"How many times do I have to tell you,I have no knowledge where it-" "Mandy!"I broke in."I left it here yesterday, after I found it in your backpack yesterday."  "You what?Oh."She said as understanding dawned on her face,"Well, it must be here somewhere, I dont know where it is."  I knew for certain where it was, back in my house, safely locked in my drawer, but her pretending that SHE didnt know,made me angry again. "Dont you remember your little visit at my house?" I said sarcastically.   "Visit?No,"Mandy said, looking at me earnestly,"I haven't been over at your place in days." "Oh,really?" I took a step towards her,"Then who left my necklace under the covers? and who stole mine and Jake's pics?" "Accusations!MORE accusations!"Mandy said, as if she couldn't believe that could be possible."Homestly, I thought you had came here to make up with me,but no,you are the same as ever!" "You are the same as ever too,Mandy, selfish, cruel and envious of everyone else!"I flushed as I said the words. Mandy looked at me as if she couldnt believe it, I couldnt believe it myself. Had I really said that to her, right to her face? "You know what,Stephanie?" Mandy said, coming towards me so that her face was inches from mine,she spoke in a calm voice, but with hatred dipping on every word,"I dont care! Go on believing what you want,Stephanie Moore, Yes,I stole your necklace, I stole your pics,I broke into your house,and what else was there?" Inspite of myself I began to laugh,it was so funny that Mandy was asking ME for the hundred different crimes that SHE had commited.      "You think it's funny, dont you, Steph?"I nodded, not really believing that she was seroius."Then I will tell you something which isnt, you know what, Steph?I did really steal your necklace."   Chapter 13          “Oh, ya, you stole my  necklace,”I said,repeating after her sarcastically, not really realizing what she was saying,”You stole our pics and you-Wait!What?you stole my necklace?”   “Don’t you believe so,Steph?”Mandy said in a  calm cold voice,”Don’t you KNOW so?” “Yes,ofourse, yes you did-“ “Then why are you surprised?” Yes,why was  surprised?Just a minute ago, I had accused Mandy of the theft, then why couldn’t I believe it now?I had blamed Mandy countless times.But somehow her accepting, her saying that she HAD done it, made it unbelievable. “I am not” “So you believe me now?” “No, I don’t, you didn’t,Mandy.” “What?”Mandy said, coming towards me,”You didn’t believe me when I said that I hadn’t stolen your stupid necklace and now you wont believe me when I say that I DID.” Ugh,this was confusing, I had came here to teach Mandy a lesson,instead I had learnt one myself:Never accuse another until you are absolutely sure. I suspected that I did really believe that Mandy had stolen my necklace, but it was just the fact that Mandy had been crying which had had a bad efffect on my  mind, making it refuse to believe anything against Mandy,but I deserted the idea quickly. “You know what,Mandy?”I said, moving towards the door,”I don’t think you are in the mood for confessions,I’ll come later.” “No, you wont.”Mandy said, coming forward and blocking my way,”You aren’t allowed to, just say whatever you want now only.” “Look,Mandy,I am willing to compromise, just give me back my pics and I’ll leave you alone.” “As it happens,  I don’t have any sort of pics which belong to you.” I snorted,”As if I would believe that, the evidence all points against you, Mandy, only you knew where my necklace was.” “No, I didn’t, I was too hurt by your words alone yesterday, to concentrate on your other wordly possessons.” “Really,Mandy?”I sighed in frustration,this was getting too much,. Lies and lies, couldn’t Mandy  admit her mistake for once?”You are impossble.” “Yes I am, I am possible, Steph, but you aren’t, you wont believe anything I say.”   "Yes, I dont, you have made me.You wont confess?" "I have already."   "Ugh!Fine! I'm going." "Your wish." I turned away and slammed the door hard as I left.That seemed to be the only thing in my power these days.     I grimaced as I opened the door to my house. Although the distance hadn't been much, but my mind was weighted with the fact that I had done a wrong, or let a wrong be done. This was all too difficult, not knowing the truth, and having to judje other people with the little facts you had.I did not know whether what I had done was right or wrong, but I  did know that Mandy had been hurt. Did she deserve to be hurt or did I?  "Steph?"  Oho, now I was done, Mother would be extremely mad if she found out that I had sneaked out.I sneaked in and I was just in time, I started climbing the stairs to my room the exact moment that Mother turned the corner and the stairs came into view. "Steph, what are you doing there? Come on down, aren't you hungry?" "Umm.. I was, er... just coming, mother, but I dont feel hungry now. "   "Are you feeling alright?" "Yes, mother,I just want to have some rest." "What were you doing upto now if you weren't resting?"    "Nothing,mother,I am going."  "OK." I turned and started climbing the stairs. I went upto my room and locked the door.I plopped down on the bed and closed my eyes.Today had been too much.So Mandy was pretty good and actress then, the way she had pretended to be indifferent to the fact that she wasn't lead had almost had me convinced that she didn't care. But I kneww her almost as much as I knew myself so I knew that she wouldn't back off so soon. And her tears had proved that. Did I perhaps have a hand in those tears?                      I closed my eyes again, I hadn't realized that I had opened them, and then I remembered, my room! OMG! I hadn't cleaned up my room yet! If mother wasn't angry at me sneaking out, then she would surely be mad now.I jumped off my bed and looked around.Who had told me to spread destruction in my room? It would take an awful lot of time to clean up this mess now. I sighed and then turned to clean up the mess which I had made myself.     The next morning. I stepped up and looked around. So much had changed but this dear old school bus had remained the same, I smiled at the driver, Harrry Sloan, as I made my way over to the end of the bus. Mandy was still sitting in our usual seat, but this time the seat next to her was empty. I sighed and sat down beside  her. Mandy kept staring determinedly in the front. So did I. It was like we were playing a childish game, sulking because we had another one of our fights. But even I wasnt that stupid to think that the past few days had been just another fight. They had been an end. The End.      I sighed again, and this time Mandy turned to look  at me. I turned away, soon we had neared the school and a smile broke on my face as I caught sight of Jake near the school gate. He was with Ashley.Ofcourse, I should have expected, that fact made me bitter though. The bus stopped and I rushed off, pushing Mandy a little in my hurry to get out. I did not look back but rushed straight up to Jake and Ashley.But I stopped a few yards before I reached them, they seemed to be in a serious discussion, Ashley was breathing heavily, and Jake looked angry.Maybe I shouldn't interrupt them.But it was too late, even as I thought it, I was walking towards them, a huge smile on my pale face. "Hey, guys." Jake looked up, he smiled in return but Ashley still looked angry. She glared at me from under her dark eyelashes which made me feel nervous.Maybe I should not have interrupted.     "Hey,Steph."Jake hugged me, he looked back at Ashley, I did too.What was up with her? She was still glaring at me.   "Ash, you okay?" I turned towards her, reaching out to hold her hand, that seemed to bring her back to life, she glared at me once more, and then at Jake."Ash,what-"I started but she cut in.     "Leave me alone!"She pushed my hand away from her and stormed off. "What's up with her?"I asked Jake, I was hurt, what had I done wrong now?     "Nothing." Jake replied,"She's just having...problems." "Problems? What sort of problems?"     "Oh, you know, the usual, money" "Did she ask you for help?"    "No" "Why was she angry with you then?"      "Look, Steph. I dont know." "Fine, why is she angry at me,Jake?"     "I recommend you go ask her, okay? stop bothering me." "Cant you stop being so bitter?"     "No, dont you know a lost battle, Steph? I am not in the mood for talking,ok? I'll see you later."   And with that, Jake too walked off, leaving me alone to wonder where I had gone wrong, this seemed to be in my fate now, my friends walking out on me. Mandy, Ashley, Jake. What was wrong with those two anyway?   It wasnt my fault that Ashley wasn't blessed with super rich parents. Why did she have to take it out on me for?I wasn't going to get anything standing here alone.The bell was going to ring any minute. I sighed for the third time that day as I pushed forward in the jumble of students to make my way to class.   Chapter 14 I sat next to Leah Candara in English,I had not seen either Jake or Ashley the whole of the day.Ten minutes ago it had been announced that all the play members were to assemble in the auditorium at Lunch to get details for the time of the rehearsals.It was not usual for the rehearsals to be held so soon after the cast members were announced.Probably Ashley's work, she was Mr Owens' pet now, and she wanted things rushed up.Couldnot wait for the first rehearsal where she would see herself as the lead.Ofcourse.     "Hey, what are you doing, standing there?Aren't you in the play?" I turned at the sound of the voice, I had not realized that the bell had rung, most of the students had filed out of the class, it was Leah who was talking to me, staring at me as if she thought my mind was somewhere in outer space. "Yes, I am."    "Well, then go, Mr Owens is calling everyone-" "Ya, ya, I know, I am going."  "Ok, no need to be so rough." "Sorry."  I walked towards the auditorium, there were already alot of children assembled there. I spotted Ashley,alone this time, and walked towards her. "Ash?"   She turned to look at me,"Oh.Steph." "Did ypu expect someone else?"      "Yes." "Jake?"I guessed.    "Yeah." "What's up between you too?"     "Nothing." "Are you angry at me?"   "No, Steph, everything is fine." "Jake said that you were having problems-"     "He did?With what?"  "He said money."     "Money, oh yeah, money, ofcourse." "Can I help you in any way,Ash? I mean, I can-"    "What do you mean, 'I can help you?'" "Well, if you need a loan-"     "Shut up,Stephanie, I am fine at my own, I dont need your charity." "I didnt mean that ofcourse,Ash, I only meant-"     "I dont care what you meant, Steph, look, there's Mr Owens , he's going to announce the time for the rehearsals today."   I leaned back. Atleast, Ashley wasn't angry at me, but this wasn;t like her, to be so rude,she and Jake were both acting wierd today,now when I most needed them.When I didn't have Mandy.   "Did he say anything else?" Ashley was talking to me again.   "He?" I asked, confused. "Jake, did he say anything else?"    "Umm,no, was he supposed to?" "He didn't say anything about us?"     "No.About you two, when did you become 'us'?" "Ofcourse not, Never."   And with that, Ashley turned away again, I waited for her to elaborate, but she didnot say anything else.I was about to ask her again, but then MrOwen's loud throaty voice filled the auditorium and all was quiet.    "The rehearsals will be set everyday from tommorow, after school, today is the 27th of May, the play will be held on the 11th of June, in the school auditorium, the tickets will be available for buying in a few days. The final dress rehearsal will be on the 9th of June.Many of you are acting in a play for the first time so please do your best."        "Is the choir with us?" I turned towards the source of the voice, it was  a 10th grader.              Mr Owens nodded,"Yes, Mr Lepidus has kindly consented, the choir will be singing all the background songs while the main songs will be sung by our two young leads."      Ashley blushed under the stares of almost everyone in the auditorium other then those who were looking at Harry, the male lead. Well, there you go, fame always finds it's way to you. It was after a while that I realized that I was staring at Ashley too, I turned away at once.            I scanned the crowd, searching for a familiar face, where was Jake? He was supposed to be here too, afterall all he had quite an important role, if not the lead.It seemed that the same thought had crossed Ashley's mind too. She too, was searching the crowds.Mr Owens started to speak again.       "Well, I hope you do your best,I want all of you here tommorow, 2:30 sharp. Right after school, dont be late. You can all go now."         There were many 'oohs' and 'yeahs' and then finally the children started to walk out of the auditorium, I caught sight of Mandy walking away.She caught me staring, but didnot change her expression, she just walked on blanky, as if she didnot have a care in the world.I scowled and then turned towards Ashley.    "Well, see you later then,Steph." She was already walking away. "Wait,Ash, why wasnt Jake here?" I ran after her.      "I dont know why you think I should know if you dont."   "Umm, ok., if you see him, do let me know." I said in a small voice.        "Most probably I wont, I dont want to anyway." Ashley turned away again.   "Why not?"     "Just because."   "Ok," I knew I was fighting a lost battle there, I knew none of them would tell me what had happened between those two,"See you later then."      "Ya, bye"  I walked out of the auditorium, Ashley already had. The hallway was full of girls and boys, the bell had rung, so everyone was rushing to get to class, I opened my backpack and took out my timetable, I had History next, which meant it was going to be a long day. I sighed and then made my way to class.     It was afternoon and I was walking back to my house. I had neither caught sight of Jake or Ashley after I had seen Ashley in lunch.What was going on between those two, what about that 'us'? Were they going out? That thought sent a twinge in my heart.Why was I hurt anyway? Whatever it was was between those two, why did I care? Yes, why did I care? I didn't think I had the answer to that myself.      There was a crunching sound. As if someone had stepped on a twig. I looked back, the ally was deserted. There was only my shadow behind me. I relaxed and started walking agin.  Thach , there it was again, there WAS someone there, following me, like that day. I looked back again, No one. Whoever it was was doing a good job of hiding themselves. I started walking faster, only a little bit slower then running.     Now I could hear footsteps too. Hurried footsteps, but they werent follwnig me.No, I stopped, they were running away from me.I looked back, I caught sight of someone around the corner, it seemed like a boy from the back, it was dark so I couldnt see the clothes, just the figure.       "Hey, you! wait! who are you?" I called out, running after the figure, I turned the corner where I had seen him, or maybe her, but there was only darkness around me. No one was here.Nothing.This was crazy. Maybe I had a mind infection or something.I had thought that someone was following me even that time that I was returning from that party at Jake's.But this time there definitely had been someone, but whoever it was had run away.    I looked around, darkness threatened to engulf me. Even though it was still day, this dark ally represented the scene of night.I had better get out of here fast. I began to run, first running, and then my pace slowed down to a walk.I was nearing home, just a block now. How did Mandy get home? We always used to walk together, or sometimes we would ride our bikes, but I was never this scared before, because we would always be together.Now that I was alone, I thought I could see evil figures lurking in the shadows.        Jake and Ash.Where were they? Probably everything between them was going to be allright by tommorow.I remembered when Jake had walked me home once.Sweet Jake.My best friend Jake, or really my ex-best friend Jake.Whichever it was, he was still there, he was still my friend.He was still mine.         Chapter 15 "So, Serena, what's the plot of Sustenance really?" It was the next day, during lunch and I was sitting with a group of girls from the play discussing the progress of the play.The reason behind this was that Ashley and Jake were nowhere to be seen.My doubt was that they had gone off somewhere together but I couldn't be sure.But one thing that I was sure of was the fact that wherever they were, they would be back by rehearsal time.Ashley,certainly wouldn't  miss her first rehearsal as lead. "Havent you read the dialouges?" Serena asked, turning to look at me. "I have, but I dont quite understand, it's all so jumbled up, I only know one basic fact, that Merope is Rosalind's sister.What else is there?" "So you know that.Ok,"Serna started and took a deep breath,"Merope, the second female lead and the lead,Sandy are very good friends." "Best friends?" I intervened. "You coould say,then Merope is Rose's sister,the other character's are the second male lead,Harry Wakefeild-"   "Who play's that one?" I interrupted. "Jake Wilson, now please dont interrupt,Steph."I nodded,"Then there is Ryan Rudolph,and then the male lead,Justin Timberlake, played by Jason Mandley." Serena added because she interpreted by my face that I was about to interrupt again,"And I dont know who play's Ryan's role.Got it till there?"  "Ya."I nodded. "Then there are Sandy'd parents, Merope and Rose's mother,there are common people too, you know, just casual roles,one or two lines.Then there is the choir, for the background music, they wont actually be in the play though.I think that's all." "Dont Merope and Rose have a father?"  "Nah, father's dead, I think." "What do they all do?"   "What do you mean,'what do they all do'?" "I mean, what's the plot?" I said, annoyed.   "umm...why arent you with your friends anyway?" "Which friends? I have many types."I said, still annoyed.   "You know what I mean, Ashley and Jake, where are they?"    "i dont know." "You do, please Steph,they should be back by rehearsal time."   "They will be, I dont know where they are, but I do know that they will be back by rehearsal time."   "What's going on between you all?"     "Nothing." "Fine, if you dont wanna tell."    "No, really.Nothing is going on, what made you think so?"   "I just thought.Anyways, so the plot. Harry Wakefeild and Sandy,"Serena stopped, she took a look at my face and laughed,"Guess I had better tell you the real names, or else it will confuse you." I nodded. "Ok, so there are two couples in the story, Jake and Ashley are destined to marry."   "What?!" Even in the play, did Jake and Ashley HAVE to be together? "Ya,then Mandy and whoever is playing Ryan's role are to be married too. I think Michael Tsui has that role."Now about who lves who.You are Mandy's sister and you love Jake.Ok?" I nodded.I couldnt help but feel that that was more right then Serena thought it was.   "But Jake is going to be married to Ashley.He loves her,but Ashley doesn't love Jake." "Who does she love?"   "This is where Jason Mandley comes in.Ashley loves Jason, and she loves her too, and they plan to run off together." I was beginning to like this story.If Jake and Ashley weren't together then it was an excellent plot.   "Mandy loves Jason too, and she and Ashley are best friends as you said, so Ashley tells Mandy that she is going to run off with Jason." Mandy and Ashley best friends?Ha!Never!They hated each other.Even the thought made me laugh.   "Mandy wants to stop Ashley and Jason from running off because she loves Jason." Just like Mandy to want to ruin other's happiness."Then?"I asked. "So she asks her sister Rosalind for help, which means she wants you to do something to stop Ashley and Jason from running off.So, what do you do?"  "Help her?" I guesses. "No,you dont.You love Jake.If Ashley and Jason dont run off together then Ashley will be married to Jake.you dont want that,so you dont help Mandy.You sacrifice your sister's love for your own love.Got it?"  I nodded and smiled.pretty interesting story so far.But what I really wanted to know was whether Jake and I got together in the end. "Do Jake and I get together in the end?"I asked.   "Listen,na, you will spoil all the suspense like this.Patience.Now,you dont help your sister.You go against her.you help Ashley and Jason to run off as soon as they can."  Do I really? I felt insulted that I had such a selfish character in the play, but when it really came to that, I wasm't sure that I wouldnt do something selfish like that for Jake. "When Mandy comes to know that Ashley and Jason have run of and that you helped the do it,she kills herself-" "No!! I wont let Mandy die!" I screamed. "We are not talking about you here,Steph, we are talking about Rosalind and Merope.Ok?" "Yeah,yeah."I saidd,breathing hard,"Rosalind and Merope." Even the thought that Mandy could die was enough to bring tears to my eyes.Maybe Mandy and I were'nt talking now,but she was still there,she was still alive.I knew I wouldn't be able to live if Mandy wouldnt be there.   "So then Mandy dies?" Serena was talking on, but I was still trying to relax,it's just a play, just a play.   "Merope.Merope dies.Please call her Merope,Serena." "Ok, so when you hear that merope has died, you are devastated, she's your sister afterall.You visit her grave where you cry and ask her to forgive you.But then,Jake arrives at the graveyard.He has came to know that you helped his wife to be,meaning Ashley, and Jason to run off together.And he's angry.You beg, but he doesnt listen.He kills you." "Jake kills me?" Ugh.I wasnt quite sure I liked this play afterall."But,didnt he love me?"   "No, he loved Ashley?" Serena had no idea how true her words were, and how much her words were hurting me.Couldn't Jake love me in a play atleast?No, he had to love Ashley.Just like in real life.The day of the announcing of the roles flashed into my mind.Ashley and Jake hugging.Together.Ashley's words, "You cant forget what you promised me!!" Yes, what had Jake promised Ashley? I would probably never find out.   "So there you are, that's all." "Ok,"I started,"But why does everyone say my part of Rosalind is a minor one, I think it's quite a big one."      Serena laughed,"It IS small,Steph, you are just one of the puppet roles." I stared at her blankly."What do you mean?"    "Look,"Serena said, looking serious again,"It's like in a band,there are lots of fans, admirers, but they are just playing a role, arent they? Making the band famous. So suppose you like the band too, so you are just one of the fandom, nothing special. But if one of the bandmates were to like you,THEN you would be something."  "So my part is small just because none of the characters love me?"    "You could say,you are just the second lead's sister, like in a battle, lots of people die, but not all are remembered, there are other main roles, mine for instance.I am Sandy's mother." "Oh."I nodded.I was beginning to understand this now,"Who's is Sandy's father?"    "I really dont remember,Steph." "It's sad,"I started,"Everyone dies, only Jason and Ashley live happily ever after. What happens to Jake?"    "He doesn't die, he goes on to another country, get's married to someone else and starts his life there.And so does Mandy's fiancee, Michael if it is, they both get married again." "Oh.And Sandy's parents?" "They disown her, but that doesnt  really matter because Sandy never returns, atleast that's what the writer tells us. And Merope's and your mother lives forever in grief of loosing both of her daughters." "So only Merope and Rose die, and all because I helped Ashley instead of Mandy."I said, feelig a weird sort of twinge in my heart. "Ya, all because you were selfish.Well, you deserted your sister, you had to have your punishment."   "But Mandy didnt do anything.She shouldn't have died." "She dies in grief,because you went against her. Now, forget that,look, it's almost time for the bell. Ok, I'll see you later." "Ok,later." Serena waved and then ran off.Most of the cafteria was empty now.Everyone was gone,except me.i couldnot help but think about that play.About what my character does. I act selfish and donot help Mandy.Mandy dies. And all because I went and helped Ashley instead of my own sister Mandy.      Chapter 16 It was when I was walking towards the auditorium for the first rehearsal that it occured to me that my part in the play was the same as in real life.Jake didnt love me. Or maybe he did, but just hadn't shown it yet.I couldn't be sure.But there was something between him and Ashley.Definitely. "There you are, Steph?" I turned to look at the source of the voice, it was Leah.I didn't like it when other people called me Steph, only my close friends could call me that. "Stephanie." I said,"Yes?"   "Ok, Stephanie, Mandy asked me this to you.Here." She handed me a photo.I turned it over and smiled. It was one of me and her.Of me and Mandy, laughing together, happy.Oh, the good times we had. "There's another one too,here." I took the second photo, it was one of me and Jake.Wait, how come Mandy had one of these? What was this supposed to mean anyway? What was Mandy trying to show? "Did she say something?" I asked. "Nah.Just said that you had given her these photos once and she wanted to return them to you but couldn't do it herself." "Oh."   I had been wondering how Mandy had got hold of one of these pics, she had clearly denied having any knowledge of where mine and Jake's pics were.But now that I thought about it, I remembere that I had shown her Jake's picture once, and she had asked to have it.And I had given it to her.But why had she returned it now?And all at once I knew why.Because she knew that I had lost all other pics I had of me and Jake together.Oh! So sweet of her! I would surely treasure this pic.The only remaining memory of the good time that Jake and I had had togetether. "Ok, thanks."I said. "You are welcome."   I started walking again and entered the auditorium.It was crowded.I searched for either jake or Ashley but there was still no sign of either of them.I chose a chair and sat down.Jake and Ash had better come quickly.Mr Owens wouldn't be too happy if they would be late on the first rehearsal. "So, is everyone here?" Mr Owens asked. "Yes."Many children nodded.I felt uneasy.Jake and Ash were still not here.Where were they? "We will be rehearsing the first scene today."Mr Owens started again," This is between Sandy and her parents.She will request them not to marry her to Harry.Those of you who have read the script will know the end.Now, where is Sandy?" I was about to point out that Ashley wasn't here yet, but suddenly there she was.Standing right next to Mr Owens as if she had been standing there all along. "The parents, come along please." I watched Serena and another boy from the same grade walk towards the stage. If Ashley was here, then Jake would definitely be here too.But where was he?I still couldn't see him anywhere.Had they both been hiding from me?Were they tired of me already? I searched for Mandy.Yuo, there she was, as good as anything.i should probably thank her for returning that photo back to me, it was good thinking on her part.but why had she returned it with another picture of me and her together? To show that I was better off with her then I was with Jake? Atleast, she had done one good thing.I should not doubt her intentions now.  Mr Owens throaty voice came from the stage,"Please everyone, eyes on the stage."   Lots of eyes turned towards the stage.I too, instinctively opened my eyes wider so that I could watch better.As it was only the first rehearsal, the lights hadn't been switched off. But still, it was dark.I could make out Ashley, as in Sandy, talking to her mother. "Mama, you putteth me to death!" She said. "I do not do anything of the kind.Harry be the one for you, Sandy." her mother, Serena replied.    "But I donot love him!" "That does not matter. You will do as your elders say, you must marry him.You will-" "Do not do this to me,Mama, do you not love me?'  "I do not wish you to have a bad future, my daughter. I only think of the good of you." "But this not be the good for me, Mama, you must understand.I can not love him!"   "you must. You will get married in a few days, so you must love him." "I will not, I will not marry him!" The crowd broke into applause.Wow! Ashley was such a natural at acting.She exactly fit in the role of Sandy.There was no doubt that Mr Owens would be feeling satisfied that his choosing Ashley instead of Mandy for the role of Sandy was the right decision.  "Excellent!" Mr Owens clapped."I think after a little bit more practise, you will be perfect in this scene, Miss John, and you too."He added, pointing towards Serena. Suddenly I understood what Serena had meant earlier. Lots of people die, but not all are remembered.Serena had an important role, but her role was nothing compared to Ashley, the lead. So like in a battle. Each individual soldier is important in deciding the result of the battle, but not all get the credit.Not all are remembered.Unfair life.  "Now on to the next scene."Mr Owens was still talking.I sighed, wasn't it time for home already?"This will be where Sandy will tell Merope that she plans to run off with Justin.Come on up here,Merope." I sat up straight.This was bound to be interesting.Ashley and Mandy acting like they were best friends, that would be a laugh.As I watched Mandy walk towards the auditorium, I was sure that she wouldn't even be able to act friendly with Ashley, let alone best friends. "Up here, now start!" Mr Owens gave the signal for the start of the scene. Ashley walked towards Mandy and hugged her. "Oh Merope! It has happened.The date is set!"   "What has happened, my dearest Sandy?" I had to admit it, Mandy was good. "The marriage! The date of the marriage is set!"    "Is there no hope left?" Mandy asked. "None! I have tried talking to Mama, she insists that their decision is the right for me. There is no other way now, Justin and I must run away."   "You must not!" Mandy said angrily,"You cannot let your parents go to shame.You must no do anything of the kind."   "But I have to! I cannot marry Harry. I love Justin." "But he does not love you,Sandy, he is only playing with you."     "Do you know who he loves then,Merope?" "I....No, I do not. But you must not run away with him, I will not let you!"     "You can not stop me, Merope. I know you love Justin too, but there is no hope for you, he doesnot love you, he loves me."   "He doesnot love you,Sandy.And I donot love him.I merely ask you not to make a fool of yourself." "It is not me! It is you who is trying to fool me,Merope.I have heard you talking in your sleep, I have heard you take his name!"   "You have been mistaken,Sandy, I nurse no emotions of the kind.But I warn you this, I will not let you two run away." "What will you do,Merope? I ask in you a friend.Instead, I find an enemy. I have been fooled! But I will not let you do anything to stop us.You can not go to either of my parents.No one will listen to you.They will consider you insane.You can not do anything."  "I must! and I will, you will see,Sandy, I will not let you go to shame." "Do not lie, you donot stop me for my sake.You can not part with Justin.That is all."     "Fine.Then be it that. I donot wish to see you anymore.Do not come to see me,Sandy." "That is the same for you,Merope."      Mandy and Ashley turned and looked at their audience.Amazing! I had actually thought that it was all real.They both were so god at acting. There was alot of applause. In the midst of it all, Ashley climbed off the stage and ran towards Jake. Where did he come from all of a sudden? This was getting more confusing every minute. "Wasn't I good?" Ashley asked, looking at Jake and breathing heavily.   "You were amazing, Ash.Totally amazing."Jake smiled. "Oh,Jake!" Ashley hugged Jake, I felt that twinge again. I thought of walking towards them but then thought otherwise when I remembered what had happened the last time I had done this.No, let Jake come to me himself.    "You both were really good, Miss McHugh and Miss John." Mr Owens said, pointing towards Ashley and Mandy,"I think this is enough for today.We only have 13 more days left now.You must learn all your lines by tommorow.You can go now."  Everyone started walking out of the auditorium, some talking about how good Ashley had been, others about Mandy and some even about Serena. I waited for Jake, but it didn't seem like he would come towards me, he and Ashley were still talking excitedly. I walked towards Mandy. there were alot of people around her, congratulating her. "Hey, congrats Mandy."I said, you were really good."    "I know, thankyou Steph."Mandy smiled. "And thanks for returning that pic,Mandy, it means a lot, that you thought of me-"    "I did not do it for you, Stephanie, I only gave it back because I felt that there was no need for me to keep it anymore.Now excuse me, but I have to go."   I stared after her as she walked out of the aditorium. I looked around for Jake or Ashley, they weren't here.      "Hey, Sam."I said, walking towards a boy,"Have you seen Ashley or Jake?"   "They left already.Just a while ago.Why?"       "Nothing." Jake and Ashley had left.Left without even greeting me. The realization seemed to sink in that there was no point waiting here anymore.There was no one here.Mandy had left, Jake and Ashley had left.I was alone.     Chapter 17 It was so maddening!What was going on between Ashley and Jake that they had completely forgotten me? Or maybe, I HAD never been one of them.Maybe I had always been a puppet, something to use against Mandy.And now,Ashley had discarded me, now that she had got what she wanted.Even if Ashley did use me like that, I would never believe it of Jake. As I lay on my bed that night, the events of the day flashed through my mind.The day had passed in a blur after I had came home from school.I had only had lunch, learnt my lines and then I had done my homework.That's all.There had been no one to visit.No where to go. But tomorrow was going to be better.Or worse.Who could say? But I would talk to Jake tomorrow.I would try to find out what was up between him and Ashley.Tomorrow.And with that resolution in my mind, I fell in the sweet clutches of sleep.     The bus turned the corner and entered the school grounds.It was the next morning.I let Mandy get off the bus first and then I got off. The first thing I saw when I got off was Jake, standing there, and grinning at me like an idiot. "Hey!Jake."I said, runnig towards him,"Are you okay?"    "Never been better." Jake smiled. "What were you up to? The last two days, you and Ash?"    "Nothing.Just a fight we had, we are okay now." "Ummm..good then, I was worried."    "You take after your mother, Steph, worrying about every little thing."   "But you left without even greeting me yesterday-"      "Ash and I had something important to do." "Something important which you cant tell me?"   "Yeah, come on now, let's go inside."   "Oh, fine then." I let him drag me inside.Once we were in the hall, he left me and started walking towards his first class, Maths it seemed. "Bye, Steph, see you in rehearsal."He waved.   "Not in lunch?" I asked. "No-"   "Got something important to do with Ash?"I broke in coldly.Jake stared at me for a moment and then he walked towards me again.He held out his hand.I thought maybe he wanted to shake hands, so I held out my own hand.But instead, he just held my own hand in his tightly. "What's wrong with you,Steph?" "Nothing."    "Listen, do you mind when Ash and I hang out together without you?"  My heart started beating loudly,"No, why would I?"      Jake looked somewhat taken back, as if he had expected a different reply,"Then you should have no problem over what Ash and I do.I have something else to do in lunch, so I'll see you at rehearsal,ok?"  I nodded,"Yeah."   "Ok, later then." "Bye." Jake started walking again, I turned around, why had he asked that? Did he suspect that I liked him? Oh God, I hope not. It would be a real mess if he did. Oh, well, Time would tell.Nothing I could do now. I started walking and walked towards my own class.   Rehearsal time again.It was 29th May today, we had to be perfect by the 9th of June, the dress rehearsal, and then the big day.The day of the play.My part wasnt so difficult so I had no reason to worry but the ones who had the big parts were freaking out. Jake had promised to meet me, so hope was still on.But I worried that he would not make it.Ashley would be there, somehow our friendship had changed, became more complicated as we matured.I was worried about Ashley, she had been very cold to me the past two days.I did not know what had been wrong between her and Jake, but I  knew it was about me. I was in the auditorium now, it was just as crowded as yesterday, with the addition that Jake and Ashley were here too.Together, as expected.I walked towards them. "Hey! Hi, Steph." Ashley smiled. "Hello." I replied, then looked at Jake.   "What?"he asked, amused. "Nothing, dont you have enough respect to get up,Jake? A lady is standing in front of you and you are sitting down?" I pretended to sound hurt.Jake grinned at me, Ashley laughed. "Ya,Jake.Get up, Ladies first." "Fine, ladies."Jake got up, then whipped out a chair from another table and sat down upon it.I stared at him, still standing. "What now?" His tone suggested that he was supressing a laugh. "You."I said and laughed.   "Sit down or do you want me to take that chair back?" I sat down and grinned at Jake.   "Guys," Ashley broke in,"It's so weird, isn't it? Even in play, I got what Mandy wanted, I got Justin.Though I am not so sure I do really want him." She batted her eyelashes at Jake, I scowled.Fortunately Mr Owens started speaking just then, which stopped me from retorting. "Good Afternoon, everyone.Yesterday's rehearsal was an excellent one, I hope you are all as well prepared today."There were many 'yeahs' and 'we ares' from the listening audience and then Mr Owens continues,"Today we will be rehearsing Harry's and Sandy's engagement ceremony, after which Sandy will run to Justin and plan to run off. Come up,please."      Jake and Ash got up and walked towards the stage.I stared after them. I had no interest in listening to what Sandy had to say to Justin, but the first part, the engagement ceremony was important for me.They had taken their positions on the stage. "Start."That was Mr Owens signal.Ashley started walking towards Jake with Serena close behind her.   "Mama, I tell you for one more time, this is not right." "Be quiet, do not let Harry or your father doubt you,Sandy,there he is, be good now."   Sandy's father, whom I now recognized as my 6th grade Bio partner, took Ashley's hand and handed it to Jake.I bit my lip.It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming out loud. "Ah,Sandy."Jake looked at Ashley with eyes full of love.It made me feel sick.    "Take good care of my Sandy now, son."Sandy's father said, shaking Jake's hand. "You can rest assured,father."Jake said.Ugh.Then came something which almost had me over.Rings.Jake's father whom I noticed now, gave Jake a ring.The rest of it was so heart breaking that I closed my eyes and did not open them again until Jake came by my side and said, "Was I good? Were we ok together?" "Yeah," I nodded,"You were good." "Then why did you close your eyes?"    "I...they were hurting, that's why.Can we go home now?" "No, Ash is still rehearsing her scene with Justin, she is telling him that she doesn't love me."Jake pouted.    "Do you mind?" I said,"That she doesn't love you?" "No,"Jake grinned,"You love me na, I dont need her."   "Oh,yeah."I said," I love you, but you dont love me, so it doesn't really matter."My heart was beating really loudly now.      "I do love you,Steph,I am just not able to tell you." My heart dropped a beat,"You do love me?"     "Yes," Jake looked at me,"In the play, I mean."   Of course.I should have known.    "If you love me, then why do you kill me in the end?" "Well, errr..because the writer wants me to."    I smiled,"That's a good one,Jake."  Ashley was around us suddenly, I did not realize where she came from, but there she was.     "We were good together, weren't we, Jakey?" Jakey?Ugh."Ya, you were both good, especially you,Jake."I said.    "Thank you,"Ashley started,"by the way, you will have your turn tomorrow,I asked Mr Owens,he said we are going to rehearse your scene tomorrow,Steph." "Finally!" I said, Jake smiled,"You can go home now, Steph."    "You aren't coming?"I asked. "Nah.Got something to do."    I raised my eyebrows, but then decided to let it go,"Ok, bye."  "Bye." I ran off. The walk back to home was a quick and a quiet one.Noone following me today. I was soon at my house on my bed, thinking about what tomorrow would bring.Tomorrow I was going to be on the stage, rehearsing my scene with Mandy.Oh! I couldn't wait for tomorrow! Chapter 18 I woke up afresh the next morning.I could hardly wait to get to school.Finally, I would be acting along side Mandy.And I would show them all! My acting would be so good that they would all have to admit it. Especially Mandy. "I had a different idea for you, I thought you might like to join the stage crew,since you.."   Ha! She would soon know that it wasn't only stage crew that I was good at. Talking about stage crew though, I didn't know whether all the sets had been built.Gosh, I had completely forgotten! I would have to see to that today. I ate quickly and in minutes, it seemed, I was in the school grounds searching for a familiar face.   "Looking for me?" Jake grinned as he came over. "Sorry."I said,"But you aren't special enough."    "Ohhh," Jake sounded amused,"Then who is that special person?" "He hasn't came in my life yet."    "Then make do with the ones you have." "Oh, shut up Jake. Look, there's Ash, come on." I started walking towards her,Jake didn't follow,"Why are you standing there now?" I asked.    "Listen, Steph,I need to tell you something." "Something as in what?"I turned to look back at Jake, I could see Ashley watching us from the corner of my eye.Maybe Jake sensed it too because he said,    "It's something important, Steph, something private. Maybe later?" There. Ashley had spoiled my special moment now. I glared at her then turned back at Jake.    "Oh, ok, come on, let's go to class now."  "Yeah, come on."   It would soon be rehearsal time again. This was beginning to be a routine now, just come to school, have a little chat with either Jake or Ashley, have lunch, rehearsal, and then leave. "For all members of Sustenance," A voice came from the school microphone. I sat up," The rehearsal today has been canceled, Mr Owens had had to visit his sick sister today.You may all go home after school." Many children whistled. Someone said,"But we have only a few days left, we will not be ablt to act perfectly if Mr Owens keeps canceling rehearsals." "It's just one rehearsal and besides Mr Oqens will schedule another one in it's place."someone replied.   "Yeah, but it wont be the same." I closed my ears to the sounds and complaints of my classmates. As it was, normally I would be happy that the rehearsal had been canceled, becasue I was not a very big fan of watching Jake act all lovey dovey towards Ashley.But as we were supposed to rehearse my scene with Mandy today after such a long wait, I was one to complain. Well, atleast I would be ablt to go straight home from school now.The bell rung soon enough, and I slung my backpack over my shoulder and prepared to leave.And then suddenly Jake was there. "Hey, wait Steph." "Oh, hello Jake."   "Can I walk you home?" This wasnt it all ways unexpected, after that strange way that Jake had said that he had something important to tell me, I knew something was up.But all the same, I was nervous. "Err..umm, yeah, if you want to." I said.   "No, he doesnt want to. Jake, not today." There, here comes the villian of my story, Ashley John.   "But she should know, Ash, she's our friend."Jake said and gripped Ashley's hand, I opened my ears at once.What was it that Jake wanted to tell me but Ashley did not want him to? "Listen to me, Jake." Ashley started,"Now's not the perfect time, we'll tell her later."    Jake looked like he was about to argue, but then he sighed. Ashley smiled at him encouragingly, I felt that it was my cue to say something. "What are you both talking about?"I said.    "Nothing, just casual." Ashley replied, with half a glane at Jake.I looked at Jake, he shrugged. I knew that i was not going to be told anything then, so I just said, "Jake, are you coming?"     Jake looked at Ashley, it seemed that he was asking her for permission, she shook her head ever so slightly, Jake too shook his head and said, "Err...no, I remembered I have something important to do, but we'll see you tomorrow." I knew it, I knew that as soon as Ashley would come in the game, Jake would change his mind.He seemed to listen to everything she said. "Ok,"I said,"I'll see you two tomorrow then."    "Yeah,"Ashley nodded,"We'll see you later." "Later."   I started walking, when I was maybe a block away, I looked back, they were both staring at me. I turned away again. Let them watch if they had to. I walked faster, and then I was out of their sight. I couldn't understand Jake's behaviour today. He was completely acting like Ashley's puppet, doing what she told him to and resisting what he forbid him to. And what did he want to tell me anyway? And why did Ashley did not  want him to tell me?  Oh, it wasnt likely that I would get any of the answers though. So I closed my mind and concentrated only on getting home.    I was soon at my home, mother insisted that I have lunch before I sleep, so I had to. I got stuck in my Algebra homework, Mandy used to help me do it, she was good at Maths.Oh, there were countless things she was good at, except keeping friends. But I didnt have her now, so I would have to do something myself.  I climbed down from my bed. Maybe a shower would help clear my mind, though it wasnt likely. I opened my cupboard to take out my clothes, that was when something fell out. I picked it up, it was a photo, or photos, it was a collection of photos.  I sat down again, and analyzed each one by one. They were all of me and Mandy. The first one was of last winter, I think, I had my arms around a snowman, while Mandy was in the background, pretndind to look hurt. The second one was of us in a zoo, Mandy was trying to frighten me with a pet snake. The shot was of me screaming while Mandy was laughing. There were so many that it would take a millinium to describe them. There were of us in different places, but they all had one thing in common, our friendship. It could be clearly seen in the way Mandy and I looked at each other in this photo, for example, I had a butter fly on my hand, and I was smiling at Mandy, showing off and she was grinnning back at me. That was all gone now.       Why hadn't I ever made a photo album? They would all get lost like this.Like the ones with Jake had. I scooped them all up and put them all in my bedside drawer.I flopped down on my bed again, that shower would have to wait now, and my homework too, I was too sleepy to care.     I had been trying to hide from Jake and Ashley all day. I did not want to listen to any more of their talks. But I knew I would meet them during rehearsal, and I did. "Where were you all day,Steph?" Jake asked when we took our usual seats.   "Where were you that day when I saw neither of you or  Ashley, Jake?" Ashley looked at Jake and then at me.   "No where, just hanging around,Steph." Jake said. "I was too," I said in a firm voice," Just hanging around."    Jake was about to interrupt again, but Mr Owens started speaking then so he couldn't. "I am sorry for canceling yesterdays rehearsal, I have scheduled another rehearsal on Saturday. Today we will rehearsa  the scene of Merope's death and her sister, Rosalind and mother grieving for her. Come up, please." "What?" I said, "But Ashley! you said we would be rehearsing my scene today."   "This IS your scene, isnt it?" Ashley laughed,"You crying over your sister."     I shook my head and then walked towards the stage. Mandy was already there. There was another girl there. She was supposed to be my mother. "Ok, Miss Moore, you will be returning home and then your mother will give you the news that Merope has died, and you will return to her deathside at once,ok?"Mr Owens said, I nodded."Start." I started walking, my mother ran towards me and hugged me. "What has happened,Mother?" I asked.    "It's your sister, Rose, she is no more!" "No! Merope! what became the reason of her death?"     "She is herself responsible,Rose!" "Oh no, my Merope! Take me to her, Mother."    My mother lead me to the corner of my stage, I was prepared to cry and all  but what met my gaze shocked me. I was not prepared for this, it was Mandy, her face was covered, but she was lying in a coffin. Tears which had nothing to do with acting came in my eyes and fell over. I rushed to her at once. "Merope, oh Merope! This be all because of me."   I lifted the cover off her face as I was suppose to, and gasped. Mandy looked so white, so ghostlike. She was unmoving, so STILL, I felt for her heartbeat, it wasn't there. And then it hit me, Mandy was DEAD!! Chapter 19 I screamed "Mandy!!" the exact same moment that my mother screamed "Merope!!, so it was fortunate that my scream was drowned out. Because if Mr Owens had heard me, I would be out of the play for sure. As it was, when Mandy heard me scream HER name, instead of Merope, her eyebrows flickered, as if she was about to open her eyes, but then she thought better and remained still. I breathed heavily.For a moment there, I had actually thought that Mandy was dead.She looked so still, so dead. Anyone would have been fooled. I had to admit, she was an excellent actress, she had even fooled me! Her best friend!Ok, I wasn't her best friend now, but I was once, so that was enough. My mother in the play, I still couldn't remember her name, rushed and fell down beside Mandy's coffin.That was my cue to get up and comfort her. I got up and put an arm around her, still watching Mandy from the corner of my eye.  "There, there, Mother, do not be grieved, Merope would not wish it."     " It has happened all because of Sandy, and becasue of you, Rose! you were not there when she needed you! where were you?" "I was waiting for news  mother, I know I am to blame for what happened to my dear sister, I am to blame for the disaster that has struck us. When will she be buried?"   "In the afternoon. Do not leave me now, Rosalind." "I will not, Mother, do not be afraid."     I looked down at Mandy's still face again, and another tear came into my eyes, why was I crying? I knew Mandy wasn't dead, it was all acting, why was I crying then? I wanted this to be over as soon as it could be so that Mandy could return to her own form again. I half dragged my mother to the corner of the stage. "Good acting, Miss McHugh,"Mr Owens said, Mandy got up from the cofffin and brushed the dirt off her clothes,"Miss Moore, you need some more practise, you were not emotional enough."    Was he kidding?!! Me, and not emotional? Did he even see me crying? Did he hear me scream Mandy's name? ofcourse not, he hadn't heard that. "Yes, Mr Owens, I'll practise at home."I said.    "Ok, you can all go now." I looked back once at Mandy. Only she had heard me scream her name. What had passed between us what was passes between two people in love. Pain, I had felt real pain, horror, to see Mandy dead. And in that one second, I knew I still loved Mandy. I still loved her as much as ever. I still believed her to be my best friend in my heart, if not by my appearence.She met my gaze and smiled.   "You were good, Steph." "Thanks,"I smiled back,"You too." I turned again and climbed down the stage towards  Ashley and Jake.     "Heey, guys." "Hi, Steph." they both replied together.    "Was I good?" I asked. "Errr... yeah, you were really good."Jake said, I raised my eyebrows,"Really, you were excellent."      "He's right, though you did seem a little bit indifferent, Steph, you know what I mean?" Ashley looked at me. My eyebrows clicked together in confusion. Indifferent? What did she mean?   "You were supposed to cry out,Steph."Ashley said,"You only did once, and you didn't even folow the dialouge script."   "No, I did." I said quite firmly.Of course I had followed the script.  "You didn't, Steph."Jake said,"What you said was nowhere in the script."      "Really?" I couldn't believe them, had my mind just made up those lines which I had said itself? "Yeah. Anyways, maybe you just forgot, learn it better next time."     "Oh, ok." I nodded."Are you two prepared to tell me what Jake wanted to tell me yesterday?" "No."Ashley said coldly,"There WAS nothing, just a Jake thing, pretending to have secrets, right Jake?"     "Yeah."Jake said, grinning at me,"We were only trying to fool you, testing to see whether we both could act good enough, and you fell for it!"   I glared at him.Such lies! Acting, ha!"Please dont make a fool of my mind,Jake, you were not acting-"    "But that's the beauty of an actor, isn't it?" Ashley broke in,"He acts so well, that people dont even realize that he's acting." "Oh, alright." I said in frustration, "if you want it to be that. I am going."     "Wait, Steph, dont be angry-" That was Jake. "Leave me alone, Jake, you go and act with Ash, yeah, go!"     Jake stared at me, "Let her be, Jake."Ashley said, looking at me,"She'll cool off."    Yeah, I'll cool off, I'll do whatever everyone wants me to. Like a puppet.Oh,yeah I'll cool off.     I tossed and turned on my bed, I was finding it hard to sleep tonight. Weird thoughts were running in my mind. But the one image which kept making appearences every few seconds was the image of Mandy, lying still, lying dead. And then as if I could hear my own words, "I know I am to blame for my dear sister's death."  Where had these words come from? I had learnt the script so well. The original lines were," Do not make me feel worse, Mother, I am here mourning for my sister, I refused to help her, do not make me leave." I could remember them as clear as anything now. Why couldn't I remember them there, on the stage? Why did I say these completely different lines? I tossed again. It was dark, I was on the seaside, up on a high cliff. Where was Mandy? Yeah, there she was, she was so far, I wanted to touch her, but I couldn't. She was so far. She was almost on the edge, she could fall over. I called out to her, she didnot listen. So close, she was so close to the edge. I tried to run towards her, but I couldn't. My feet seemed stuck on the ground. I could hear as well as see the splashing waves below. They looked terrifying, made me shudder. I tried to call out to her again, "Mandy, come back, Mandy!" This time, I found my voice, Mandy turned,"Yes Steph?"    "Get away from there,Mandy, you'll fall over!" "I can not move,Stephanie, you have brought me where I am."    "Mandy!! Look out!" I screamed as a wave crashed over Mandy's head. she disappeared from view, "Mandy!!" I screamed agin,"Mandy!! where are you?!!" and then I saw her, falling, down, down, into the water, into the darkness, away from me. "No, Mandy!!" "It's allright, its allright, dear-"Somewhere I knew that that was a familiar voice, but I was too preoccupied to care.    "No, Mandy! she is dying! someone save her!" "Steph, it's ok, you are okay-"    "No, Mandy, save her,Mandy-" "Stephanie! Wake up!"   Someone shook me, was I dying too? I opened  my eyes and looked around. "Stephanie? Are you okay now?"    "Mummy?" I was in my room, not on that cliff. No, I was okay, Mandy was okay. "Were you having a bad dream?"    "Yes.Did I wake you up?" "Yes.You were screaming Mandy's name over and over. Is everything okay between you two?"     "Yeah. What time is it, mummy?"   "It's almost morning," She looked at her watch," Yes, it's 5:00."       "Oh. I am okay now, mother, really."   "Are you sure?" I nodded,"Ok, go back to sleep."       Mummy went out of the room and closed the door behind her. I closed my eyes. Morning, it was almost morning, so there would be school soon. Damn Mandy! She was coming in my dreams now too. It was only because I had thought her to be dead in school today, that I had dreamed her dying. Just that. It wasn't a sign or anything. Just Mandy having a laugh out of terrifying me in my dreams.I tossed again and fell asleep.     I looked around for Mandy, I had to see, had to make sure that she was alive and well.Even though I knew I knew it was just a dream, but still.I knew that she had History after lunch, so I waited patiently outside History class for her to come out.There she was. "Mandy!" "Steph? What do you want?" "Nothing.Are you okay?" "Why do you want to know?"   "I just do. I had a dream about you, are you okay?" "No, I am not, I have never been okay."     "What do you mean?" "I am a theif, aren't I? and a liar, And a sneak. And God knows what else."   Was she trying to make me feel guilty?"If you say so,"I said,"But really, are you fine?" "What's to say I am not?"    "ListenI am asking you a simple question, Mandy-" "You dont have the right to ask me any question,Stephanie,you lost that right when you showered those accusations on me!"    "You didn't prove me wrong,did you? Infact, you admitted to it yourself-" "Yes, I did, and didn't you say that you didn't believe me then?" "I did, but look, that doesn't matter-"   "Why doesn't it? Why does anything that concerns me not matter,Steph?" "Can you just stop it,Mandy? Here I am, trying to make things up to you-"   "Then dont! Dont,Stephanie Moore!Didn't you say it, didn't you say, 'I want nothing more to do with you,Mandy!'why are you making things up to me now?" "Because I like you! Because you are my friend-"   "I am your friend? Listen, dont fool me, Steph,now that Jake and Ash have got together and left you alone, you come after me?" "Jake and Ash arent together!" "Yes they are!" Mandy grinned,"It hurts you, doesn't it? But they are together, I have seen it."   "You are lying!you are lying because you want me to feel bad-" "I dont want you to feel anything,Stephanie, I dont care for you enough for that,now, go run after your Jake and ASH, leave me alone!"  We glared at each other for a while, then Mandy turned and stormed off, like she always does,  I stared after her for a while, but then I too, shrugged, and walked away.       Chapter 20 Whatever.If she didn't care, then neither did I.Let her be.Who was I to interfere anyway.Yeah, right.Who was I? Someone anyone coud use for their own benefit and I wouldn't even know. That's what I was.A nobody.Liar! How dare Mandy?Jake and Ash together! They would surely have told me if something like that had been going on. "Hey, Steph, there you are, where have you been all day?"   Here comes Jake, the villian, or possibly the hero. "Where's Ash?" I asked, no caring to answer his own question. "She must be somewhere about. Why? Do you need any help?" "Not from any of you."   "Why are you angry at me, Steph-" "Listen, just butt off,Jake.I am not in the mood to talk."   "Ok, fine.Buty arent you even gonna come to rehearsal?" "Is it rehearsal time already?"   "Yeah, it is." "Ugh.Fine, I am coming."   Jake waited for me as I brushed off the dirt from my clothes.I made it apparent by my every move that his presence was unwelcome, but he still stuck around, and refused to budge. I got up. "Let's go." He said, taking my hand and guiding me towards the auditorium.   "I am fine on my own,Jake." I said, and pulled my hand from his grasp. "Oh, alright.If you wanna."    Jake looked at me for a split second, then shrugged as if to say that he didnt care either, and ran off. I stared after him, I had expected him to stay. I wanted him to plead and say that he was sorry. But he didn't. He didn't even apologize. I ran after him and entered the auditorium. There he was. "You are late, Miss Moore." I looked up, everyone was staring at me. It was Mr Owens who was speaking to me,  staring at me with a kind of reproving look.I blushed.   "I.errr,I..I wont be late anymore." "Make sure, you can have a seat now."    I nodded and walked to the far end of the auditorium, chose a seat and sat down. Jake's eyes followed me there, he was sitting with Ashley as usual, on the other end.  Mr Owens started his usual speech, I didn't even bother to listen,it was only when a girl nudged me that I came back to life. "Hey, get up! It's your scene."   I got up and walked towards the stage, I hoped against hope that this was not the scene with Mandy. I was right, it wasn't. Instead, it was worse, it was the one in which Jake would kill me in the graveyard. I grimaced and took my alloted place, beside Mandy's grave. "Oh, my sweet Merope! Why do you do this to yourself?"   "You make her, evil woman." I turned around, as I was supposed to, and looked at Jake. God, even though there was nothing different about him, the way that he looked at me scared me. "What means you, my love?" I said.   "Do not call me that, I loveth you not. You helpeth my wife to escape-" "I did it for you, Harry, I loveth you-"   "I can not let you live. You must die, you are a criminal. Responsible for so many catastrophes." "Do not harm me, Harry, you do not know how much-"    "No words! you must not live." "Then kill me! I do not mind dying by the hands of my love-"     I was not even finished, when Jake raised his hand, and pretended to draw his sword inside me, I almost thought it was real, and my eyes widened in horror.      But then I remembered who I was in time, and screamed,"No!" Just once, and then I was dead. I closed my eyes, then I heard clapping, so I sat up and opened them again. Seems that I had stuck to the script this time. "You were perfect this time, Miss Moore." Mr Owens beamed. I smiled and looked around for Jake, my murderer. He saw me looking and grinned. I turned away. This was enough. I still wasn't prepared to forgive either him or Ashley yet. Now, my only worry was to get home as soon as I could, without being stopped by my large list of followers.    It was 2nd June today, I had got home safely yesterday, Today even, I had not been cornered by anyone. But it was rehearsal time again, so I prepared myself.After a long wait, today I was finally going to rehearse my scene with Mandy. Jake held out a chair open for me as I entered, so I had no choice but to sit down. Jake greeted me warmly, Ashley coldly, though it was her, she should be apologizing to me. I went up the stage when my name was called, and peeped at Mandy from backstage. Finally, Mr Owens gave the signal, so I walked forward, "You calleth me, my sister?" I said, coming from the darkness into the light.    "Yes, I suppose you have heard that Sandy and Justin plan to elope?" "I have heard something of the kind, yes, but how does that matter to you,Merope?"     "I plan to stop them.I can not let my Sandy go to shame-" "Do not lie, Merope, I have heard that you are in love with the Justin boy, that is your cause for stopping them, isn't it?" "No, do not doubt me,Rosalind. Tell me one thing, will you helo me in my cause?"    "I can not, if I do, Sandy and Harry will be married, I can not let that happen-" "You will not help your own sister, Rosalind?"     "I can not. You will yourself go to shame if you try to stop them, no one will listen to you-" "So you will not?"    "No." "You helpeth the enemy,Rosalind."     "I do not, but I do not consent to bring shame upon myself and my sister-" "Do not come to see me,Rose."    "Oh, Merope, do not disown me-" "Get away, Rose."    I watched Mandy grimace and then she walked backstage. I turned around and smiled. There was loads of clapping this time round too. Mandy came out. "Hey, Mandy, you were great-" I started, but she ignored me, and climbed down the stage towards a group of her new found friends. I climbed down too, but not towrds my own friends, but towards the gate. "You are not going anywhere." Strong hands grabbed me, forcing me to stop.    "Let me go,Jake." I said and tryed to break free, I watched Ashley from the corner of my eye, looking at us disapprovingly.  "No, you are coming with us." He forced me to turn around, and then looked into my eyes,"Listen, there's a party at my house today, all members of Sustenance are coming-" I knew where this was going so I said, "No." "PLease, come on,Steph. What are you gonna do at home?"   "Just because I spend my free time at home doesnot mean that I have time to go to ridiculous parties-" "No, you are coming. Remember the last time you came, didn't you have fun?"    I sighed.Last time had been different.Last time, things weren't so complicated as they were now. Last time, I had blabbed out that Mandy wasn't the lead. Didn't he know the importance of last time? "Ok, fine."   The grin that Jake gave me was almost enough to make my heart melt.I sighed again, when would I EVER stop listening to my heart instead of my mind? "Good, come along, she's coming,Ash."Jake called out to Ashley, she didnot look very happy with this news but she smiled anyway. "Great. It's gonna be fun." Ashley smiled, coming towards me.   "Jake's parties are always fun." I said. "Let's see."   I was soon at Jake's house. True to his word, Jake had invited every member of Sustenance, so the house was full. I had been sitting here dully, while Jake and Ash danced together, Jake had never once asked me to dance with him. I was seriously beginning to think that this was a mistake. I had not even told Mummy that I would be going to Jake's after school. She would be worried sick. Suddenly, Jake and Ash laughed, and went out of the room. Making an excuse that I needed another drink, I got up and tried to follow them. Where were they? They had got a head start, so I couldn't know. I opened one door after another, but they were all empty.   Then I saw light in the far end of the hall, so I went there. I turned the corner, the room was only slightly open, but I could still see what was going on inside. What I saw made me gasp. It was Jake and  Ash. A tear ran down my cheek.Yes, it was Jake and Ash all right, and they were kissing.   Chapter 21 The gasp which issued through my lips was almost impossible to hear. I had lost my voice. Silent tears ran down my cheeks. Jake, Oh, Jake! I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't stand to watch this. I closed the door softly behind me, they didn't even hear. They were too otherwise preoccupied. I ran down the hall, and into the main room, I couldn't believe I had been so badly fooled. I had lost everything.Everything!    All for Jake and Ash. So this was what Jake had wanted to tell  me, and Ashley had told him not to. So that she could keep on using me. Oh, oh! I gripped a chair for support, I could barely support my weight. The chair gave away beneath me.No one noticed, everyone was too busy dancing and having fun.Everyone except me. I sunk to the floor, still crying, still remembering. Oh,Mandy! I so badly needed Mandy now, but I didn't have her.No, I had lost her too, all for Jake and Ash. All for these liars!   I stood up. No, I couldn't be here anymore. I opened the door in one swift motion and ran out wildly.I heard someone call behind me, but I didn't care. There was darkness around me, the street lights were switched off, I still ran off wildly, not even bothering to stop when a passing car almost hit me. I couldn't stop now, I had to run, had to drive out all the memories.Had to forget.  I stopped when I reached my house. So near Mandy's house. I could go there if I wanted. I could bury myself in Mandy's warm hug and forget everything. Everything could be as it had been. But I had lost the chance now, there had been too many mistakes on my part. I wasn't Stephanie, Mandy McHugh's best friend anymore.No, I was Stephanie, Ashley John's and Jake Wilson's sidekick.   I ran up the steps abd slammed upon the door, running wildly up the stairs towards my room. My mother's voice stopped me, "Steph?Are you okay?Steph!" I slammed my bedroom door shut and locked it. I fell down on my bed, fresh tears threatening to spill, I let them fall, not even caring that my mother could hear me and it would hurt her.She had started banging on the door now, "Stephanie, come out! What's happened?" "Go away, mummy!" I cried out, and threw a pillow at the door, it made a feathery sound as it crashed,"Please!" "Just tell me what it is, Steph, maybe I can help you-"    "No! Just leave me alone!" "Stephanie,please-"    "Just go, mummy!" I heard her sigh, and then her heavy footsteps started down the stairs, she was gone.I was alone now.I held both of my hands tightly over my head. I couldn't live with this.No,I couldn't! Not Jake! And in that one moment, I realized how much I liked him.How much I liked Jake, that it made me devastated to see him with someone else. And Ashley knew it! That was why she did not want Jake to tell me, so that she could keep on using me. Be hell with her! I picked up a cup randomly and threw it towards the door. It made a loud sound as it crashed, the sound of something breaking.The sound of my breaking soul.    I sobbed harder and covered my face in my pillow. Oh, the only person I ever really liked.I trusted her! I believed that liar,Ashley, instead of Mandy!I remembered Serena's words, "Well, you deserted your own sister and helped Sandy, you had to have your punishment."    Oh. And that creep,Jake! What had he said when I had asked him if he and Ash were going out? "Ashley is just my best friend!!"   Liar.All liars.I threw my backpack at the wall. It's contents fell on the grond. I stared at them, that was all I seemed to be doing now adays, breaking things, breaking relationships, and then staring at the remains. But there was something sparkly there. I got uo and bent down towards the door to examine it. It was a picture.The picture.The one of me and Jake together,laughing.Given by Mandy.Oh,Mandy!Oh,Jake! All the million people that I had lost. And all before Ashley.  I looked down at the photo and smiled. Jake ad I seemed to be in a hut, Jake had his one arm around me, while with the other, he was making horns behind my back. I was smiling at the camera, whereas he was making silly faces. I fell down and laid my head against the door.If only, if only we could be this happy again. If only everything could be as it used to be.I ran my finger lightly over Jake's face, smiling, remembering.  "In your looks for one, you have grown more beautiful,Steph." Sweet sensitive Jake.My sobs were louder now, I had finally found my voice. I heard Mummy's footsteps against the stairs. So she was still listening outside, waiting for me to cool off. "Leave her alone,Jake, she'll cool off." Ashley, that creep! That liar.I trusted her so blindly. Never once doubting that she could do anything to hurt me. Though what had she done? Only like Jake, as I had. She had only followed her heart, not really intending to hurt me. But, oh! I had been hurt. I was devastated, whether she meant this or not, she had hurt me alot. I remembered how she had once asked whether there was anything between me and Jake. She had said that she was merely curious. Now I knew otherwise.    "I loveth you not." I remembered that scene with Jake. It seemed like years ago now, when I had declared my love for Jake, and he had refused me, saying that he loved Ashley. So right. So true. I should have known, but then he had said, " I do love you, Steph, I am just not able to tell you." And I had said,"You love me?" And he had looked surprised, as if taken aback, and said,    "Yeah.I mean, in the play." Oh,Jake! You could not even love me in a play.You lied. You loved Ashley. It seemed that they were destined to be together.Ashley and Jake. And I was destined to sit outside and mope forever by Mandy's grave, while waiting for my love to come and kill me. I sighed and rolled on the floor, towards my bed. I was under my bed now, light came from both sides. I closed my eyes.  "Ashley is my best friend. I couldn't remain in The Educators withour her." Oh,Jake, why didn't you SAY? why didn't you tell me that you and Ashley were something mire then just friends? Why did you give me false hope? I remembered how he had once said, "Looking for me?" And I had said,"No, you aren't special enough." And he had asked who that special person was, like he was really interested, and when I had said that that special person hadn't came into my life yet, he had said, "Then make do with the one's you have." Why did he say that? Oh,why did you say that,Jake? Mandy had been so right. Mandy had known. Mandy knew beforehand how cunning Ashley was. That was why she kept her distance, and she tried to warn me too, but oh! I did not listen, and now...Now, everything was over. Mandy and I were over, she had said,  "Go run after your Jake and ASH. Leave me alone!!" She had warned me, she had warned me that Jake and Ashley were together.   "It hurts you, doesn't it? But it's true.I have seen it." Something pricked me.I held it up. It was that necklace. The necklace which was the reason for all this. Cursed thing.What did one necklace MATTER? how could I have been stupid to risk  my friendship with Mandy over one stupid necklace? "I never want to see you again,Stephanie Moore!" Oh, it was all this necklace's fault. I threw it with all my power at the wall. It broke into a million pieces. The beads flew here and there.Great. Now I would not be able to walk without slipping. I rolled out from under the bed, and with some difficulty, managed to climb up on the bed. I would be strong.I would show them all. Jake, Ashley,Mandy and everyone else who thought they could take advantage of me because I was weak. Yes, I would show them all. I would be indifferent to any kind of emotion.Yes. I looked at the picture in my hand, the one of me and Jake, and then sighed.Yes, I threw it with all my might towards the wall, where though it did not make any kind of sound, I knew it had crashed. I knew it had broken. Because it was over.Jake  and I were over. It was broken.Forever. Chapter 22 I stretched as I brought myself into a sitting postition. Every part of me hurt. I only wanted to lie down again and forget everything. But I knew I would have to go to school today, first because even though it was the weekend, but Mr Owen's had sheduled rehearsal today.It was 6th June today, the dress rehearsal was on 9th June, so there was really no time.I couldn't miss that. And for the other, bacause I had to face Jake. And Ashley. I breathed heavily. I had sworn yesterday, as I cried myself to sleep, that I wouldn't let those two mess me around. I would be strong. Not just Steph anymore. I would be Stephanie Moore.    I would have to face Mummy too today. What would I say to her? She should want me to eat something. I sighed, even though I had not eaten anything the whole of yesterday, apart from the little breakfast I had had, I didnot feel hungry. I felt empty, yes, weak, but not hungry. Not prune to any sort of human needs. I was stron now, much stronger then I had been yesterday. My resolution would hold. It was so weird, how one sad news could drive you into the depths of despair, but at the same time, also give you strength.A reaon to live. And my reason to live now, was to show everyone that I could survive alone. I did not need anyone. Not even Mandy.It jsut seemed like a chapter out of a book now. A chapter that I had read, the good time I had spent. But it was over now, I had moved on. The rehearsal wasnt until afternoon, so there was no need for me to get up now. But I knew that Jake would come around.He would want to know why I had left early yesterday without even greeting him. Maybe Ashley would be with him, acting all good and angel like. The devil.  First thing to do today was talk to Mummy and reassure her that there was nothing wrong with me. That would take alot of time. Second thing was.....talk to Mandy? I had to make it up to her, but she wouldnt let me. I had tried that day but without sucess. I jumped off the bed, it was almost morning. I looked at my bedside clock, it was 8:00. Had I really slept all that long? And mummy hadn't even woken me. I have never been able to sleep for more then 7 hours so this was a surprise. People always say that when you have had a heartbreak, its difficult to sleep. But here I was, sleeping more then I do normally. Maybe there really was something wrong with me. I opened my bedroom door and went quietly down the stairs. Mummy was on the breakfast table. She looked up when she saw me. I smiled as I pulled out a chair and sat down. "Now sit down, or do you want me to take that chair back?" I forced Jake's memory to get out of my head. That was over. I was here now, with mummy.   "Are you alright, Steph?" I  nodded as I buttered a toast. I couldnt let mummy think that I had lost my hunger, or she would get suspicious. "Why were you so upset yesterday?" There it had came.The big why."Nothing,mummy, just the rehearsal did not go well yesterday. and it was sort of my fault, so you know." "Did someone say anything?"   "No. Not at all." Mummy looked at me like she was about to argue, but then merely shrugged and said,   "By the way, Steph, your father and I arent going to be home on the 11th-"  "But arent you going to watch me in the play?!"     "Let me finish. We are going to watch you. We are going to leave after. In the night." "But where are you going?"    "Your fathers Aunt Catherine is very sick with pneumonia, we have to visit her at the earliest possibility. We will be back by the 13th." "But I cant stay home alone,Mummy, you know how scared I am of being alone." That was true. Ever since I had been little, I had been afraid of the dark. Of being alone, of loosing everyone. It wasnt fear of thieves or bandits which held me back, but fear of the paranormal. Fear of the unknown. "Dont worry, you can go to any of your friends house. I am sure there will be an after party to celebrate the sucess of the play.And in any way, I have asked Mrs Simons to keep an eye on you."  Mrs Simons was our next daughter, I nodded."But you'll stay to watch the play?"   "Yes. Look, Steph, Mr Harry Sutton, you know he's the one who directed that blockbuster movie." I nodded,"Yeah?"   "He's going to come to watch your play too. Here's an interview of him." I saw now that mother was reading the newspaper."Wow.Such a big celebrity, how did Mr Owens convince him to come?"   "Who knows?" Mummy shrugged,"But it says here that he is going to select one of you who is the best actor and give him or her a part in his new movie.Wow, Steph! What if he selected you?"  I laughed."You know I am not that good, he's probably going to select Mandy or Ash or Justin. You know I am not good enough." "You MIGHT be. That's all I am saying.Now, do you have to do have a rehearsal today?" I nodded,"Well, be back early, you know how worried I was yesterday." "ok, I'll be back by 8:00. I'll see you later." I nodded once more and climbed the stairs to my room. Once inside, I picked up al the stuff which I had thrown around yesterday, and placed it neatly in it's proper place. I tried not to look as the picture of me and Jake came in my hand. I held it in my hand, wondering where to put it.  Then I crumpled it up and threw it into the waste paper basket. That was it's proper place.  Where was my backpack now? Yup, there against the wall. I held it up and placed all my books inside, except Algebra which I had to do today. Once done, I settled down with my Algebra homework spread in front of me and vowed not to think of anything except completing my homework.     I looked up a while later. After what seemed like hours, I was finally done. I glanced at my bedside clock and gasped. It WAS really hours. I had started homework at 10:00 and now it was 2:00. Just about time for the rehearsal. I gathered my books and then went down stairs. "Mummy, did anyone call for me?" "No, was someone supposed to?"    "Yeah. Well, anyways, mummy, I am going, I'll be back soon." I walked out in the fresh air. It was such a beautiful day, it seemed to mock me. Soon I was through the school gates. There was no hiding now, i walked with my head held high. There they were. Jake and Ash. Together.I chose a chair and sat down. Jake motioned for me to come over but I ignored him.  A few minutes, and I was already starting to feel sleepy. Even though I had had 11 hours of sleep already! Though that was maybe becuase Jake was rehearsing hi scene, where he mourns and cries because the love of his life has run away. I could barely keep up my eyes open. It was all so nauseating. Finally, it ended. I only knew it had ended because there was applause and Jake's voice could be heard beside me, "Hey, Steph, are you ok? You look sort of sick."  I just turned to look at him and nodded. Mistaking my enthusiasm, he continued, "Did you hear about Mr Harry Sutton?" I nodded again,"Ashley's so excited. You know iif he selects her, then she has her career set. And ofcourse he'll select her."   I forced myself to speak,"You cant be sure of that, he might select me-"  Jake laughed, I glared at him."Really, you cant be serious, You!"   "Why?" I said,"Why I cant be selected, Jake? Why must it always be Ashley?"       "I mean, she's the lead, so you know." "No, I dont know, Jake, Mandy may as well be selected. And dont talk to me if all you want to do is shower praises on Ashley."  Jake looked at me, and realized that I was serious and that it would be better to change the subject. "Why did you leave so suddenly yesterday?"    "I remembered I had something important to do." "But you left-"   "Listen, Jake Wilson, dont interfere in my personal life. Go run. Your best friend Ashley is looking for you." "What's wrong with you today, Steph? Have you and Ash had had a fight?"    "No. Bye. I am leaving." "Wait! What's the hurry, Steph? Wait!"     I ignored his voice and went out instead. Serve him right. The image of him and Ashley kissing came in my mind. And with it, tears. I forced myself to run harder. There was a park around the corner. I entered it and looked around.  Despite myself, a smile came on my lips. There was only love here. A girl of about twelve was feeding bread crumbs to some ducks. An old couple who must be around 75, were sitting on a bench, talking about old times. There was another couple here. I didnt recognize them from my school though they seemed to be my age.Maybe Jake and Ash had came here once too. Like this couple. I walked towards a pole and supported my weight against it. It was around 6:00 now. The sun was setting. It looked beautiful, a blob of yellow drowning in a sea of reddish black fire. Dim light was spread everywhere. I looked around, the old couple was holding hands now and looking at the sunset.A tear escaped through my eyes. It was all so beautiful, if only there was someone else here too, to enjoy this with me. I sighed and looked up too. The sun had almost set. A feeling of hopelessness suddenly overcame me. The dark was slowly enveloping me in it's firm grasp. And I realised, that it was over. The dark evil had spread. My sun had set. Chapter 23 I was home early yesterday. Back even before I was supposed to. Today was Sunday, try as Mr Owens had, he couldn't schedule a rehearsal today. It was a public holiday, and 7th June today. Which meant that there was going to be one last super rehearsal tomorrow, and then it would be the dress rehearsal. And then once all this play shit was over, I would be free of Jake and all the other unwanted people in my life. And then I could plan on how to get Mandy back. She was angry now, but I knew she would be more calm once the play was over. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked the same as ever. Pale, thin. Noone could see how broken I was. On the outside, I looked fine. Whole. But no one knew. No one could see the scars beneath. I walked and went quietly down the stairs. Mummy was out somewhere, she had left a note,  "Gone for some shopping. Will be back by 1:00." I folded the note and placed it neatly into a drawer. I was getting it about neatness these days.My stomach gave a growl so I opened the refregirator and looked inside for something to eat. I found nothing to my liking. That meant that I would have to cook something. I opened some drawers and finally found a ragged cook book.Hmmm..what to cook now? Stew would be good. I cut some meat and then adding some chilli, placed it into the oven, setting the timer for 15 minutes. Then I decided that it would not be a waste of my time if I watched Tv while I waited. I went into the common room and switched on the news. "It has been revealed that Mr Harry Sutton willl also be attending the high school production of Sustenance. He will also select the best actor and cast him in his new movie, Only For You. Get ready, young girls and gentlemen. You might just be selected-" Balh, Blah, Blah. I started counting on my fingers, just to pass the time, and then the bell rang. Mummy was home early. It wasnt even 12 yet. I got up and opened the door. "Jake!"  "Yeah. Umm.. hi." "What are you doing here?"   "I..I just came to, you know, check up on you, you left so suddenly yesterday." "Has Ashley came with you too?"   "No. Its just..me." We stared at each other for a while. He was still standing while I was standing at the door, preventing him from coming inside. "So..is your mother home?"   "No." I replied,"Mummy's out." "Umm..can I come in?"   "Yes. Of course."I said, letting him in. I followed him as he walked towards the living room and then turned to look at me. "Your house is pretty nice,Steph." He said, looking around. "Thanks. Have a seat. It isn't necessary to stand." I said, sitting down as I talked.     "No, thanks, I am alright." "Your wish."   I opened up a bottle, and pouring out some water in a glass, handed it up to him. He refused. I shrugged and drank it up myself. The next 4 or 5 minutes that passed were like hell.We just kept staring at each other like mannequins(Dummies). Finally, I decided to break the silence and said,   "What do you want,Jake?" He seemed relieved that I had spoken first. Taking a deep breath, he said,"I really only just wanted to talk to you, Steph.Look, I know you are angry at me. Just tell me why. Please."  "There's nothing wron,Jake.I am fine-"     "Dont lie, Steph. I KNOW there's something wrong. Why are you being so indifferent? Is it something Ash said? Or me perhaps?"  " It isnt what you said, Jake, it's what you two DID." "So there really is something then. What did we do?    "Do you think I dont know, Jake?" I stood up, and slowly circled around him, my face contorted in anger,"Do you think I dont know that you and Ashley are together?"   He gasped,"You..you know?" "Yes!" I said,"I have seen you two together."    "Now you know. I...I wanted to tell you, Steph, Ashley stopped me. Believe me-" "Dont lie to me, Jake, you were both on this together!"     "It isnt how it looks like, Steph,trust me-" "Trust you so that you can break me again?No.No, Jake Wilson, you cant fool me anymore."    Jake came forward and tried to force my hand into his. "Calm down.Just calm down,Steph-"   "No!" I broke free,"You both are going out!" "So?" For the first time, Jake looked angry,"What does it matter to you, Steph, why do YOU care about what I do?"   "Because..Because," I satared at him, tears in my eyes, at loss for words,"Because..just, just shut up,Jake. Get out! Out! Now!"   "Say it! Say it,Steph, why do you care whatever I..what's that smell?" I looked up at this change in the subject and sniffed the air. Really, there was a smell around. Like burning. OMG! The stew! I ran into the kitchen, Jake followed me. I opened the oven door, black smoke came  out. Wearing safety gloves, I took out the tray and almost felt like screaming, It was burnt.Completely. Not even an animal could eat this now. And the smell was unbearable. Jake looked at me sympathetically.It made me angry. "This is all your fault!" I said," If you hadn't came adn distracted me, then it wouldn't have burnt."     "My fault?" However is it my fault,Steph?" Jake said, the trace of a smile on his face. It made me even more angry. "DONT LAUGH!"   "Okay, okay, fine."Jake held up his hands,"If you are really that hungry, then we can go out and eat. We could get Ashley too-" "Dont take her name infront of me."   "Fine then. Just the two of us." I thought about it. It didnot seem like a very bad deal, ofcourse if Jake would pay."You'll pay?" I asked.Jake laughed."Yeah." "Good then." I took my overcoat and locking the main door behind me, we went out. It was not a very big coincidence that we met Ashley while we were in the restaurant. Ofcourse she came and sat with us. I could hardly bear to look at her, every time I saw her arrogant face, I saw her and Jake kissing, and it almost made me feel sick. "So, do you know the latest scoop? About Mr Sutton?" I noddded. She hadnt up till now mentioned her and Jake's little encounter. I didnt care if she didnt. I would, I wanted her to know that I knew. As soon as Jake would be out of sight. I had been saved by the burning stew. I knew he did have a theory that I liked him too, that was why he had asked ofcourse. Soon Jake got up and left the table to pay the bill. I leaned forward towards Ashley. "So..you and Jake are going out? Congratz."    Ashley looked at me like she could not believe herself,"Did Jake tell you?" I thought about it, I wouldn't mind if Jake and Ashley stopped talking to each other.    "Yes,"I nodded,"He was bursting to tell me, told me first thing on Saturday. Ofcourse, I am his best friend, he had to tell me. You are only his girl friend."   Ashley looked like she did not like this description of herself and said,"Really Steph? Then how come he never mentioned the fact that he had told you? And by the way, Steph, have you really forgotten Mandy? You are her best friend, remember? not Jake's."   I thought about how to retort, finally I said," One can have more then one best friend, but ofcourse you wouldn't know, you always have run after one thing, haven't you, Ash? You always find a way to get what you want." "Yes."Ashley smiled, she looked dangerously evil when she smiled, I couldnt believe that I once used to consider that smile cute." Now you have admitted it yourself, I do always get what I want. So be warned now only,Stephanie."  "What do you mean?" "You cant get Jake. He's mine."     "I dont want him-" "Liar. So like your darling Mandy, arent you,Steph?'I dont love Justin, I merely say for your sake.'You are both such liars." "Atleast we lie to bring happiness, we dont DESTROY people's happiness, Ashley, like you do. You drove me and Mandy apart, Ashley. You did it on purpose."   "I dont know what you mean, Stephanie, but know this, everyone who comes to competite with me will always loose. I always win. Now here comes Jake."  I looked up."Ready to go, ladies? " Jake said.   "Stephanie is. She has somewhere to go, that was what she was telling me about, dont you Steph? Come on, Jake. We can practise pur lines at your house."Ashley said,I stared at her in disbbelief, with my mouth hanging open. "Well. if you say so. Come on, Ash. Bye, Steph, see you tomorrow."     "Yes.See you tomorrow, Steph." Ashley called out airily. they both turned and walked out of the restaurant, laughing and talking together. I stared after them. So this was on now. Ashley would do everything in her power to keep me away from Jake. Well, I would stop her. I ran out, but I had lost against her once more. She and Jake were nowhere to be seen. Sighing, I started the long walk back home. Alone this time.I sighed again.     Once back home, I cleaned up all the mess I had made in the kitchen. Then I sprayed some air conditioner to drown out the bad smell. When I was done, I went up to my room and closed the lights. So Ashley had won. There was nothing I could do now, except make up to Mandy once this pay was over, and pretend as if none of this ever happened. I was sure Mandy would forgive me. But I wasnt sure whether I could live with Jake and Ash together. I would have to distance myself with them. That was the only thing left to do. It would be all as if this play had never happened and Jake and I had never met. Just about 4 more days, tomorrow would be 8th and then all this would be over. And once mummy and father would be back by the 13th, my life would be back to normal. I looked around. Time to clean my room.     "Steph, come on down for dinner." "Coming, mother." I went down the stairs, and entered the kitchen. For the first time in forever, father was home. He looked up when he saw me. "Stephaine, come on, sit beside me." I went and sat down, wondering what special ocasion this was.   "So, your mother has told you that we will be leaving on the 11th?" I nodded, wondering where this was heading.   "Your mother has talked to Mrs McHugh, girls your age would be able to live alone, but since you get scraed, you can live with the McHughs. You would like that, wont you? Their daughter Mandy is your best friend-" "No.Absolutely not." I stood up,"Mummy, you KNOW Mandy and I arent talking these days, how will I ever live with her for two whole days?" "You can make it up to her during this time, I know you want to, Steph, and really, if you dont agree, then you would have to stay home alone. You wont like that, would you?"  "Then dont go.Please?" "You know we have to go,Steph, now like a good girl, you'll stay at the McHughs, whatever has changed? Up until last month you and Mandy would have been delighted at this opportunity." "Things arent the same now, mummy, but..oh,alright." I ate quickly and thenstarted climbing the stairs sulkily. I came down a moment later. "Does Mandy know?" "What does she know?"   "I mean, does she know that I am going to stay with her?" "I suppose yes, though I am not sure. Mrs McHugh may not have told her yet."   "Oh." I went up the stairs again, and slowly climbed up on my bed. I suppose this was all fro the better, if I was staying at Mandy's house, it would be easier to make her forgive me. But the play would be on the night of 11th and then I would go to Mandy's house. And an after party, if there would be one, would of course be at Jake's house on the 12th and then 13th and Mummy and father would be back. Just tomorrow and the 10th and then everything would be normal. Everything would be as it used to be.With this resolution in mind, I lowered the covers on my head, dreaming of a better tomorrow.   Chapter 24 "So,everyone as you all know today was the final rehearsal before the dress rehearsal,"Mr Owens was giving his usual speech after the end of a rehearsal the next day,"Please do your best. Mr Harry Sutton has kindly consented to watch our play. There will be an audience of more then 3000 people. It may be a girl or a boy. Please abide by Mr Harry's decision, wichever it is." I glanced sideways at Ashley. She smiled triumphantly at me. I scowled. Her Highness must be confident that she would be selected. Well, not if I had any say in the matter. I would do everything in my power to have Mr Harry select Mandy instead of Ashley. In any case, he might not select either of them. I turned away, Jake had wanted me to sit with him, but I had refused, and when he had insisted, I had told him in very clear words to mind his own business. I was positive that this was for the best.I couldnt care less. If I liked Jake, then that would have been different, but I ddin't. An evil little voice in the back of my head had been troubling me ever since I had woke up, it said now,    "If you dont like Jake, why did you cry for a whole night after you saw him and Ash kissing?" I tried to make him shut up, but it continued,"Then why do you care? Why do you want to distance yourself with Jake now if you dont like him?" Shut up, SHut up, I repeated it over and over like a mantra until finally the voice kept quiet. Though I quite doubted that that was maybe because it had had it's fill. "Tomorrow the dress rehearsal has been sheduled for 3:00. Please dont be late.There should be no mistakes. None at all. Everything should be perfect. Please come with your alloted dresses.I repeat, do not be late." I nodded along with many others, it seemed like a natural response to nod if someone asked you to do something. I looked for Mandy, along with any sign  that she knew we would be spending the night together. She caught me looking and shrugged. We had not spoken to each other since that last fight. When I had declared her a liar because she had said that Jake and Ash were together. i felt so bad now. Horrible.Mandy was right, she had always been right. And I had misjudged her, always doubting her motive. As I stared at her, I wished I could be sitting over there with her, instead of here, alone. But there were just 2 more days. The 9th and the 10th. I would be spending the night of 11th with her, and then it would be alright. I got up, Mandy was just out of the door when she turned to look at me, I stared back into her blue eyes, my own brown eyes wide. I felt lost in that sea of colour. It seemed that I would never get out, and then Mandy shook her head and closed the door. I felt a hand behind me and turned around, it was Ashley. "So, your Mandy didnt wait for you, did she,Steph? I feel so bad for you."    I breathed heavily and then turned to look at her. "How come your boyfriend isnot with you,Ashhley?"    "So you have finally admitted that he's my boyfriend? Good,so you realized you cant win from me." "I dont care whatever he is. Where is he?"    "I dont keep track of everyone-" "Not even your boyfriend?"    "No. Noone is important enough." "Then why did you do all this if he isnt even important to you?"     "All this as in what?" "You know what I am talking about, Ashley, you made me and Mandy fight-"        "Nonsense. Same old nonsense again. I really do think you need a doctor,Steph, your brain is affected, first you accused Mandy, and now me. You'll be accusing your mother next!"   "You are such a liar, Ashley." "You are the teacher,Steph."   "Ugh." I freed my hand from her grasp and then walked out of the auditorium. Why was Ashley dating Jake if she didnt even like him? The way she had said that, as if she really didnot care. Then why was she doing this? Maybe she was doing this for Jake, mmaybe he really liked her.  "She's my best friend, I couldnt remain in The Educators without her."   Ofcourse. How could I have missed that? Ashley didn't like Jake, Jake liked her.  I placed my hands in the pockets of my overcoat. As if I cared. Let them do whatever they wanted. I wouldn't be the victim of Ahsley's games anymore. I was out of this. Jake had brought this on himself. He would have to find his own way out. I didn't care. I had put on a strong face. Like I was indifferent. But deep down, like really deep down, where no one could see it, I knew I did. I knew I cared.    I ran up the steps and into the house. "Mummy?"    "Steph. Yes?" "Is lunch ready?"   "No. Just half an hour." "Ok. I am up in my room."   Mummy nodded so I went up to my room. Tomorrow was the dress rehearsal, I had to pick out my dresses. The sets were completed, though I couldnt take any credit for that. I had hardly paid any attention to the sets with everything that was going on. Everything had been done by Brittany and the others. But I was the head anyway, so the credit WOULD go to me.      I opened my cupboard. That one scene in the graveyard would require a black dress. Because I would be mourning.This one would be perfect. And the scene with Mandy, hmm....yeah, this. It was a beige coloured dress with a V-neck and half sleeves. It would be perfect for a visit to my elder sister. All the other dresses had already been picked out, so I didn't have to worry about that. I flopped down on my bed. Mummy would soon call me for lunch.     I woke up afresh the next morning. It was 9th May, the dress rehearsal. the days had passed so quickly. It just seemed like yesterday that Mr Owens had announced Ashley the lead. But it seemed like years to that first morning when Mandy had called me for Sustenance auditions. "Hey, Steph, you are late. Auditions for Sustenance are about to start." Sweet Mandy. Sure she had her errors. But she was not altogether wrong. Atleast she still had a brain. Ashley hadn't been able to fool her as easily as she had fooled me. I was lucky to have her. I would gain her back. I would go to any lengths to have her forgive me. I knew she missed me too. I got up and put all the dresses into my backpack. I had no idea if everything would go as planned today, but I did know that today was going to be the last day. The last day of all this pretense. 11th, we would be ating before the audience. And then everything would be okay. As it used to be.  "I'm leaving, mummy!"   "Will you be back late?" "I dont know.Maybbe."    "Try to be early, Steph." "Yeah. I'll try. Bye."    "Bye and Good Luck."  I started to walk and then turned around again.    "By the way, mom, if anyone calls for me, anyone except Mandy, say I am not at home, ok?"   "Why?"      "Just do, please." "Is this connected to that night you came back crying?"      I blushed and tried to smile to hide that blush,"No. I just dont want to talk to anyone before the play, mom, you know, not good for the nerves." "How come Mandy is different?"    "Gosh!Look at the time."I said, pointing to an imaginary watch on my wrist, and hoping that mother wouldnt notice,"I'll be late. Bye." Mummy looked like she wouldn't give  up so easily but then she said,"Okay. Bye."    I hurried down the steps, I had missed the school bus. I started to run, ever since I had started coming home alone, I was beginning to be scared of the dark. Now, I used to take the longer way home, just so that I wouldn't have to pass that dark alley. But I was short on time now, so I would have to pass that alley. The danger was over. I was into the school gates now. The day passed so quickly, I hardly realized, and soon it was rehearsal time again. Ashley was sitting alone in a chair, I was almost about to ask her for Jake, but then I didnt. You dont care, remember? You dont care. I chose a chair and sat down. Soon we were all called in to change in our dresses. I was changed in a minute. All the important scenes were rehearsed first. I had forgotten, today was the last and the dress rehearsal which meant that I was going to be terribly late home. Mummy would worry. But she would probably call Mrs McHugh and be reassured.     My scenes came too. The ones with Jake and with Mandy, I only had a few scenes with Ashley, which I performed, surprisingly, with ease. But maybe that was because of the fact that these were the scenes where I help Ashley run off with Justin, so she is acting all grateful to me. But, whatever, all of my scenes were soon done. The changing was a little bit difficult, changing into one suit after another. But I knew that this was nothing. The real problem would be on the 11th, when all the changign rooms would be occupied, because everyone would be changing clothes one after the other.    It was all so hurried that I didn't have a chance to talk with anyone. Not even Ashley could get through to me. I only saw Jake in our scenes together, and he pretended to be indifferent to me, or maybe that was just his good acting skills. He was going to kill me afterall. It was soon over, and Mr Owens gave his usual speech, which was too boring even to relate. The only few exceptions were that there were some new hopes and all. He hoped we would perform well and that the most deserving person would win the role by Mr Harrry. The most desreving. Ha! I remembere a conversation me and Mandy had once had. "You are a good actress, Mandy, what's more to it?"    "You dont know, Steph." How I wished I could go back. Now I know, Mandy. I sighed. Now I know.   Chapter 25 I scowled as I tripped over my feet and landed  head first on the floor.   "Ouch!" I stood up, rubbing my head, still scowling. "Come on, get up, there is really no need to hurry, Steph." Mother came at my side and helped me up.     "No, there is, I have to take the school bus today, mummy, I have been missing it the past few days, I have to meet Mandy."    "You can meet her at school." "Yes, but others are there too then. I need to talk to her alone."    "What do you mean by others,Steph?" "Look! There's the bus. Bye,mummy!"     "Yeah. Bye." I rushed  up the steps and into the bus.  Where was Mandy? She wasn't in our usual seat. I walked to the end of the bus but she was nowhere around. She must have missed the bus. And I had to talk to her today! I would just have to make do with tomorrow.   The bus entered the school and I got off. The scene was of utter confusion. There were only a few special classes today, as it was the last day before the play. I only had Algebra. As usual, Jake and Ashley werent here. I felt sort of uncomfortable. Jake should be looking for me. He was my friend afterall. Where was he?    Soemwhere around with Ashley, ofcourse. Where else? I only had to attend my Algebra  class and then I could leave. I walked towards the hall and into my Algebra class. I sat on seat, with the seat beside me empty.      "Hi." I turned, expecting to find Ashley or Jake and then gasped when I saw who it was.    "Mandy?" "Yeah. How are you??"    "I am good. So, I am going to stay with you tomorrow." "Yes, Mother told me."    "Do you mind?" "No! Why would I?"    "Er..Ok, I guesss." "You know about Ashley and Jake now?"      "Yes." I turned away, that was a topic I never wanted to talk about with anyone, even if it was only Mandy. FOrtunately, Mr Stevenson, our Algebra teacher, started his lecture just then, so Mandy just stared at me for a moment and then started her work. When the class ended, I expcted her to wait for me, but she didnt. She got up as soon as the bell rang, and without even saying Bye, left. I soon knew the reason why.   "Hey, Steph." "Jake."    "So, are you prepared for tomorrow?" "Lets see. Wheres A..No, where were you in the morning?"     "With Ash, we had something to do." I scowled, something to do.Yeah, right.     "Where is she now?" "She has another class, History."     "Oh, ok. Well, I'll see you tomorrow." "Yes. Umm..Steph?"     "What?" "Are you okay with me and Ash?"     I almost dropped my books."Ofcourse. Why would I care? I mean, it's your choice."        "No, the way you reacted then-" "That was only because I was angry that you didnt tell me yourself."     "Are you sure?"   "Yes. I'' see you later, Jake."   "Yeah. Later."  Ugh. Why was Jake always asking things like that? He knew ofcourse that I liked him. He only wanted me to say that. As if I ever would. No, as if I liiked him. I walked towards my house, taking the short way this time, through the dark alley, I was too preoccupied to think otherwise. I had just entered the alley when I heard it. A noise. As if somethingwas banging against another. Something light. A sewerage lake passed through here. Maybe something was stuck inside it. My better instincts told me that I should just run for it, but even so, I bent down the side of the lake. It was so dark that I could hardly make out anything. I put my hand in my backpack and tried to feel around for a torch or something. I took it out and switched it on.    I directed it towards the dirty lake. There was an awful smell around.It didnt seem like there was anything here, except dirty water. Wait! There was something. An object, floating around the other corner. Even with the light of the torch, it couldnt be seen clearly from this far. I had to take it out. There must be a peice of wood or something around. I picked up a log and tried to take that thing out.      Finally, it got stuck on the log and I pulled it back. I put my light on it and when I saw what it was, I gasped. It was a picture. It was one of me and Jake. What was it doing here? This was among those pictures which had gone missing. Someone had stolen this and then thrown it in this sewerage tunnel. Who had done this? And where were the other missing pictures? I showed my light on the lake. There was another one, some yards ahead. I couldnt make out what it was, but it must be another one of the missing pictures. I ran alongside it,yes, it was. I could just make out Jake's face. There! Another one! I could make out another one just beside it, and another! And just a little ahead of it, another! I ran wildly along the side of the lake. The whole alley was full of them!     I reached out when I saw a picture in which me and Jake both could be seen clearly. The other pictures had been damaged, but this one was safe. I had to get it out. In my worry, I forgot to use the log and reached out myself.    Aaaaaah!" I screamed as I slipped and fell right into the lake. I looked at myself, I was covered in dirty water, and God knows, what else from head to foot. But what was more worrying then that, was the fact that the lake was carrying me, carrying me with the flow to wherever it lead. I screamed again, but there was no one to hear me. Pictures and all thoughts of Jake forgotten, I screamed again, and tried to hold on to something. I couldnt even make out where I was, how far the lake had carried me, I could only see darkness ahead. I didnt recognize this side of the alley, and the path seemed far away.     There was a  pipe dangling into the lake from above. I prepared to jump as  I neared it. I jumped and caught hold of the pipe and held on for dear life. Where was I? I had to get out of here. I tried to swing from the pipe on the path, but the path was beyond my reach. I tried to go back from where I had came from, I swung here and there, and once the path looked reachable, I jumped  and landed on the hard blocks. I was covered in Sustenance water. I looked around, there was a tree here that I could recognize. Not even caring that my backpack was left behind, I screamed agin and ran wildly in the direction towards my house.     "Mummy!" I cried as soon as I opened the door and ran wildly towards the kitchen.    "Steph? Whar happened?" Mother said when she caught sight of my appearence. I ran and fell into her armms, crying"Oh, Mom!"    "Steph, are you allright? come, sit here." She dragged me towards the sofa and made me sit down. "What happedned?"     "Jake! I...I was in the alley, mother, the one which has the sewerage lake, and, and, there were pictures! pictures of me and Jake INSIDE the lake! And I fell in!"    "Pictures?Oh, Stephanie, you must have imagined it-" "No! I didnt! I actually took one out and then I fell in-"    "You are talking nonsense, Steph, where's your backpack?" "Its...Its back there, near the lake somewhere. But mummy, there were pictures!"     "No, everything's fine-" "I'll show you! Come with me, mummy, please, we'll get my backpack back too."      "No, you have to change first, Steph-" "PLease!"     "Ok. Where is this alley?" We got out of the house and I lead her back to the dark alley. Peple stared at me as I passed them. They must think that I was a criminal or someone. I was covered in dirt. I lead her towards the lake. "There!" I cried out, as we reached the spot where my backpack was lying on the floor."There! There were the pictures!"    "Where, Steph? I cant see anything." "They WERE here, the lake must have carried them somewhere-"     "Theres' nothing here, Steph, come on, you need to have some rest-" "No! They were here-"   "Steph! You need rest, you are tired, that's why you are imagining things. Come on."      "But, mummy-" "Stephanie!"    I sighed and let mother drag me back. I picked up my backpack and looked behind. As I stared into the black water, I knew. I knew that someone had bee here in the time that I had ran back home and called Mummy. Someone had hidden those pictrures again. Why! I had actually held one picture in my hand! I had shown my torch on it!   "Come on, Steph." I looked back again, andI knew. I WOULD be back. I would come back and find those pictures, Wherever they were.     "Wake up, Stephanie." Is it morning already?"  "Yes. It's almost midday. Dont you all have to assemble early in the auditorium? When is the play going to start?"  "6:00. We have to be there by 4. What time is it?"    "2:00. Come on, wake up, dont you have to practise?" "Yes, I have too. Did anyone call for me?"     "No, Steph, what IS up with you? No one has called for you in days, and you are acting so weird now and then-" "Nothing, mummy. But that was real. I didn't imagine those pictures-"     "Not again, Steph." "But-"   "We have talked over that for more then necessary, there was nothing there, you were just tired, so you imagi-" "I didnt imagine it! Even if I did, then why dont I have those pictures now?Where are they?"    "You must have placed them here somewhere-" "Ugh."    I got up and brushed my teeth, Mummy stared at me for a while and then shrugged and went back downstairs. I stared after her, no one would believe me. I had to go back ang get all those pictures out myself. Maybe If I talked to Mandy....No, not now.Later.      It was while I was climbing down the stairs that it hit me. Today was the 11th! Today was the day of the play! Oh God! Today I would be performing before thousands of people! How would I do that? Oh!    "Come on down, Steph. Your father will be home early today." I pulled out a chair and sat down.    "When are you guys going to leave?" "Around 10. Your play will be over by then?"    "I guess." "Now, while we are not here, dont do anything idiotic,Steph, you are going to stay at the McHughs. Dont go running back to that dark alley, promise me you wont?"     "Mummy, you know I have to chec-" "Promise me, Steph."     "Ok, fine. Promise."I made a face.  "And dont go out anywhere. We will be back by the evening of 13th."     "Ok. I'll be good."     I pulled the crtain and peeped at the audience. The auditorium was almost full. It made me feel sick.Such a lot of people. I could hardly make out Mummy and father sitting in the far end. Mr Harry Sutton was sittting right in the front row. "Miss Moore."   I turned.It was Mr Owens. "Please dont peep through the curtain."   I nodded. It was 5:57 and I was backstage. The play was about to start. The first scene would be of Ashley talking to her mother, Serena. Everyone was already in their dresses. There had been such a lot of confusion that I had not caught sight of anyone else except Mandy. We had only passed a smile as I had seen her come out of the changing room. The curtain opened, I shrunk back.   "Mother! you putteth me to death!" I ran back and hid in one of the changing rooms. How was Ashley performing before such a huge audience? Oh! Someone kill me! I was having a very bad dose of stage fright. "Steph? Are you in there?"     I kept quiet. I planned to hide here forever. But something in the voice made me speak. "Mandy?"   "Yes.Come out,Steph.Why are you hiding?" I unlocked the door and rushed out.   "Oh. I cant, Mandy, I cant perform-" "I know. But you'll be okay."    "I-" "Trust me." I stared at her."Come on." She lead me towards the stage.    "Now you just walk in and say your lines. ok?"    I nodded and walked on the sage. Thankgod my first scene was with Mandy. I walked towards her. "You calleth me, Merope?"    "Yes..." Thankfully it went smoothly. And I even performed all the other scenes too. Without once forgetting my lines. Just when I had began to have fun, the play was over. I could hardly believ it. All the scenes had been performed. And the changing dresses part wasnt even that difficult. In the end, all of us assembled together on the stage and bowed. Mummy smiled at me. Everyone stood up and clapped. We walked down the stairs and towards our parents.   "Thankyou to all of the students, for making it possible to act such a good play."Mr Owens started to speak,"Now I would liike to call Mr Harry to say a few words."    Everyone clapped, Mr Sutton climbed up on the stage. "It was a wonderful play." Everyone clapped,"I would select all of you if I could. Everyone acted just as well. But the person who I have selected for my movie, or rather the girl who I have selected is..."   I held my breath. Not Ashley. Not Ashley. Please not Ashley. "Mandy McHugh!!"  I stood up and clapped. Mandy stood up too, looking around as if she couldnt believe it. Her parents were huggging her, she looked around for me. "Steph! I won!!"   "Yeah! You won, Mandy!!!" I hugged her. she held on to me tight.    "Mandy. Go to the stage." "Oh, oh, yes."    She walked towards the stage and climbed up. I looked around for Ashley. She was crrying, and Jake was trying to cheer her up. Yes! Finally, the culprit gets what she deserves.   "I mean, she's the lead, Mr Harry is sure to select her." Oh, Jake. You were wrong! I smiled and clapped harder as Mandy shook hands with Mr Harry and held the contract in her hands, then waved it for everyone to see. She smiled at me, even though she could barely see me from so far. I smiled back. It was over. Everything was okay. The evil had subsided. Virtue had won.     Chapter 26 "You were wonderful, Steph."    "Really?" "Yes. I really did think you would forget your lines, the way you walked on the stage, so shyly, but you were excellent after that." "Thankyou so much,Mummy, where's father?" "He's gone to to do all the preparations, it's already 9. Our flight is at 10."    "Oh. Well, I'll be back in a sec." I went over towards Ashley. Jake looked up when he saw me coming and motioned for me not to say or do anything to upset Ash more. Huh! Why shouldn't I ? I didnt care how upset she was. I sat down beside her,grinning. I knew I shouldnt be happy in another persons sorrow, butI couldnt control myself. The measures Ashley had taken to seperate me and Mandy made me feel even more strongly against her. I looked over at Jake. Poor Jake. He had got caught up in all this trouble. Girl trouble. Ashley looked up. I smiled at her.   "So, Ashley, how about celebrating? Mandy won. Dont you think that calls for a celebration?"  "Steph, be-" Jake started but Ashley stopped him.      "No, let her speak." She looked at me,"Where is she? Where is that little sneak Mandy?" "Dont you dare call Mandy anthing bad infront of me!"    "Oooh. Where did all this emotion come from?" Ashley snorted. I stared back into her eyes determinedly,"Now that Mandy has won, you are after her again?"   "Shut up!" I stood up,"You are just jealous because you lost." "I have no need to be jealous of someone like Mandy. There has obviously been a mistake.I'll go and correct it now." "Huh?" I stared at her. Ashley climbed down the stairs towards the stage. "Stop her!" Jake shook me," Stop her. She's going to make a fool of herself."     "Really?" I smiled,"Then I suppose we should let her, shouldnt we? Shes used to getting her own way afterall." Jake glared at me,"How CAN you, Steph? You are supposed to be her friend!"   I stood up on my toes and stared into Jake's brown eyes. "Well. Surprise!" I glared at him,"I am not."    Jake grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop,"I dont believe you." "Then dont!" I said angrily,"Where are her parents anyway? They should be with her." "Her parents arent here. But why would you care? The great Miss Stephanie Moore doesnt care for anyone else beside her dear Mandy. Does she?" "Yeah, right!" I pulled my hand, but without sucess,"Let go of me,Jake." I tried to pull my hand away from him, he pulled me towards him.    "I said let go of me, Jake!" "No-"    The rest of his sentence was impossible to hear because there was aloud noise from the stage. We both turned to look at the stage, my hand still firmly clasped in his. I screwed my eyes so that see clearly. Mandy was on the stage. Ashley was there beside Mr Harry. She seemed to be..begging?    Jake let go of my hand and then with one last angry look at me, ran towards the stage.I followed him and ran towards the stage. I followed him and ran towards Mandy, she gave me a worried look. Now that I was near enough, I could hear what Ashley was saying.   "Mr Sutton, Mandy is only the second lead. I was the main lead. I deserve to be given that role-" "I am sorry, but I watched the play very carefully, I am confident that I gave the role to the most deserving."  "But-" "Ashley!" Jake stepped forward and placed his arms around her, dragging her towards the corner of the stage."Hush. Everything's okay. Just calm down."   Ashley rested her head on his shoulder and started sobbing, Oh,Jake!" "I know. Come on. Lets just go home." Jake carried her to the door of the auditorium and then they were gone. I started to run after them, but Mandy stopped me. "Not now, Steph." "But Jake...." I sighed. Jake and you are over. You and Jake are over. Yes, I didnt care for Jake anymore.     "Stephanie, come here." "I looked around,"Mummy, are you guys leaving already?"    "Yes." Father emerged from behind Mummy," The flight will take off in 15 minutes." Mother bent down and held my face in her hands,"You'll be alright, Steph?"    I nodded. "You'll go straight to the McHughs after here. Here's a number of Aunt Hilda's house. You can contact at this. You have our mobile numbers already?" I nodded again.    "Oh, Steph,"Mummy hugged me,"please be safe, Dont get in trouble." "Yeah, mummy, I'll be good." Father bent down to hug me too. "Arent I going with you to the airport, Father?" "No, Steph. You better stay here with Mandy.Ok? We'll be back by the 13th."     "Ok. I am gonna miss you too." "We'll call you as soon as we reach. Bye now."    "Bye."  I waved until they reached the gate and were gone. Then I turned to look around for Mandy.     "Stephanie dear. You wont mund sleeping with Mandy, will you?"    "No, ofcourse not, Mrs McHugh." "Excellent. Then you can sleep in Mandy's room."    I nodded. It was later in the night and I was at Mandy's house. Mandy had already gone up to bed. I climbed the stairs and opened the door to the room in which I had slept such a lot of times, just in different circumstances. I looked around at the bed, Mandy had her eyes closed but I knew she was awake. I walked over to the spare bed and straoghtened the bed covers, making as much noise as I could. Finally, I plopped down upon it, preparing to ask Mandy to forgive me. "Mandy, I know you are awake." No answer. Mandy just turned to the other side, her eyelids flickering.   "Mandy, I....I want to tell you... I am sorry." "Atleast you can reply, Mandy, I know you are listening, I am ever so sorry for doubting you, I should have never. I am so lucky to have you."  I sat up on the bed. "Mandy? Listen, that day, that I came over, and you said that you hadnt stolen either my necklace or those pics, I know now you didnt. I knew then too, but I just couldnt say it. It was Ashley, she did everything, Mandy, and I...I blamed you. I am so sorry."  "Mandy, please....You KNOW how sorry I am, why wont you reply?" I waited for an answer, there was no reply, except that a weird noise filled the room. Like something crunching agaist another. Remebering the last time I had investigated a noise like that, I decided to ignore it.   "Mandy, please..tell me if you are still angry at me, please." Why wouldnt she reply? She could atleast say that she was angry and then not talk to me for the rest of the night. I got up and sat on the bed beside her. "Mandy?"I shook her,"Mandy?"   Suddenly I knew what that weird noise had been. Snoring. Mandy was snoring. She hadn't heard a single word of what I had said. I stared down at her with horror. Mandy was snoring. Mandy was asleep.     Ring. Ring. Ring. Mandy picked up the phone,"Hello? Oh, right, I'll hand it over." "It's for you." She said, pointing at me, coming towards the breakfast table. The whole McHugh family including me were sitting around the breakfast table. Have I ever mentioned the fact that Mandy is an only child? That was what had got us together in the first place. We both talked to each other about how bad it was, not having a sibling, and them we both kind of got together. Jake had a younger brother, but I didnt know about Ashley. I had never bothered to ask her.     I hadn't been able to talk to Mandy last night. I didnt have the heart to wake her. "Who is it?" I asked, getting up.   "Your friend Jake Wilson." Mandy said sarcastically and pulling down a chair, sat down. I walked over to the landline phone. "Hello, Jake?"   "Yeah, hi." "How did you get this number?"    "Got it from Ash." "How is she? Ashley?"    "Much better, thankyou." Jake replied coldly, I cringed at the tone. "Why did you call, Jake?"   "Nothing personal. I am holding an after party at my house today. All the cast members are invited. Just thought I should let you know." "I thought you would do something like this." I chuckled, Mandy stared at me.     "Dont come if you dont wanna, Stephanie,I am not inviting you personally, all the members of the play are going to come."   "I'll be there." I said, "Shall I bring Mandy too?" "I just told you, Steph," Jake said in a raised voice,"ALL the members of the play are invited. Not just you. It's an afterparty.Do you understand the meaning of that?" "Ok, fine,I get it." I said angrily. "Good. Finally, you do get it,I only wish you had understood other things too." "What do you mean?"    "Nothing." Jake stopped,"Bye." "Jake, listen-"    The line went dead. I placed the phone into the receiver, and walked out of the room. I felt Mandy's eyes follow me as I left. I went and sat down on the sofa in the TV room. There was a three day holiday, so there was no school today. Neither tomorrow. After a while, Mandy opened the door and peeped inside. "What are you watching?" "Oh, nothing. I am just sitting here."   "Then lets watch something." "If you want to." Mandy came and sat down beside me and switched on the TV. We sat silently for a while. None of us really watching the TV but pretending to.Then I spoke, "Mandy?"  "Yeah?" "I am sorry for that day. I know you didnt steal my necklace or those pics-"    "I am sorry to,Steph, but I am sorry FOR you. You counted on having Jake take your side, didnt you?" Dont get angry. Dont get angry.   "We are not talking about that-" "For a fact,Steph,"Mandy interrupted me again,"I dont want to listen to your apologies. Ok?"    "Mandy, please-" "Ok, listen. Tell me one thing. Why did Jake call for you?"    "Oh, that. He only wanted to invite us to his ccelebration party. He and Ashley are throwing it together at his today." "Ashley's throwing parties even though she lost?Wow. That girl has some nerve." "I suppose. The whole cast is invited.So, are you going to come,Mandy?"    "Ofcourse!"Mandy said excitedly,"We'll both go together." "Umm....good then. By the way, Ashley is going to be there too."    "So what Who cares about her?I am only going there to celebrate and enjoy. It doesnt matter if Ashley is there too. She'll try to spoil the fun ofcourse, but who heard of a party without a little drama?" "Oh. yeah, right."I said, "Drama. Ofcourse? Who heard of a a peaceful lfe without some drama?" "By the way, Steph."Mandy leaned in,"Now that we are on the topic, I think I should let you know. That roomful of people werent the only ones who knew that I wasnt the lead." "Huh?" I stared at her in confusion. And then I realized. Mandy knew that she wasnt the lead before the roles were announced. She knew that I had blabbed at Jakes party that night. "You mean...you knew?" I managed to ask. "Yes." "But...but how?" "I told you that I left the class too, didnt I? I had left my book in the auditorium. When I reached the auditorium, I heard you and Mr Owens talking. He was telling you that I wasnt the lead. I listened quietly and then ran back to class. That was why I was so calm on not getting the lead. I had already prepared myself." "I..I dont believe it." "It wont be the first time. I have learnt, Steph, that you will NEVER believe anything I say. And you want me to forgive you. Well, I wont try now. You are allowed to believe whatever you want to." Mandy stood up and walked towards the door. I stood up too,   "But you never told me!" "You never asked."Mandy said, as if speaking to a child,"Well, I am telling you now, so doesnt matter." She went out of the door and then peeped in again.    "Switch on the TV if you are not watching. By the way, when wil the party start?" I was still too bewildered to speak. Mandy laughed,   "Tell me later, Ok?" I nodded. Mandy went out. I followed her,    "Its around afternoon, I think." "Oh. Well, then we should get ready, you would want to dress well for your Jake, wouldnt you,Steph?"     "I dont want to do anything of the kind. I am only going because Jake invited the whole cast. That's all." Mandy laughed again,"Oh, Steph, you will never understand. Well, come on. Lets dress up."    "Ok." We both went up to her room and tried on different dresses of hers. After we had chosen a dress for ourselves, we set out for the matching makeup.Then we spread our dresses on the bed and stared at them.   Mandy smiled,"Now all that's left to do is to wait." I smiled back,"Yeah. Wait. Wait for the unknown."         Chapter 27 I knocked on the door. The door opned revealing a girl from my class whom I recognized but couldnt name. I passed a smile as I went inside, Mandy following me. "Hey!" Someone called out as we passed,"Theres that girl who won that role! What's her name? Mandy, isnt it?" I turned to smile at Mandy. Mandy waved at everyone. They had all turned to look at her, admiring a future celebrity who would be appearing in Mr Harry Suttons new movie. I smiled at the prospect. "So you are here."   "I said I would be, didnt I, Jake?" "Good then. " Jake turned away," Thanks for coming too, Mandy."    "Oh, it's a pleasure." Mandy said airily," I would never dream of loosing such an opprtunity to meet you all here together." "Oh, Umm.. yes, ofcourse." Jake looked at me and raised his eyebrows. I shrugged.      "Where is Ashley?" Mandy asked. "Here I am!" Ashley announced, coming into view. Jake smiled at her, taking her hand. "Think of the devil and the devil is here." Mandy muttered, so slowly that only I heard. Ashley looked at me pointedly and then at her hand clasped in Jake's. I turned away, I knew what she was pointing at. But I had to be indifferent. I couldnt let her know how much the fact, that Jake and  Ash were together hurt me. No, I couldnt. "So, now that everyone is here, lets have a toast." Ashley said, raising her glass. "Yeah, why not?"Mandy raised her glass too.   "To Sustenance." I said. "To the lead of Sustenance."  Jake smiled. I raised my glass higher,    "To the winner of Mr Harry's role." I looked at Jake smugly. "To the girl who acted the best, but still didnt win the role." Jake smiled triumphantly.    "To Mandy McHugh." I said. "To Ashley John." Jake said. I sighed in frustration.    "Come on, lets just drink it, you guys." Mandy laughed and took a sip. "Yeah. forget her, Jake, come on, lets go welcome our other guests." Ashley took Jake's arm. Jake looked at me then turned back to Ashley and smiled, "Yes, come on." Jake and Ashley turned and walked into the other room. I stared at them, then Mandy shook me.    "Feeling sorry?" "No. I am glad I am not in Ashley's friendship circle anymore." I replied.     "But Jake still is." "Who cares about him?" I said, taking another sip.    "Let me see," Mandy said,"Maybe someone named Stephanie Moore?"   "Shut up, Mandy."  "Listen, Steph, anyone who knows you can see that you like him. You cant fool yourself anymore. Just admit it."   "Can we just forget those two, Mandy?" "You cant ever forget one of them, Steph." "Fine!" I screamed,"I like him, just stop it now!"    "There. I knew it." Ashley came up behind Mandy,"Thankyou Mandy, for making her admit. But he's mine, Steph."    I glared at Mandy. She looked at me sympathetically.  "Ugh!" I sighed and walked out of the room, leaving Mandy and Ashley together. I went towards the podium and looked out. The sky was a mixture of deep blue and grey. It looked like it would rain soon. Mummy hadnt even called since she had called llast night to let me know that they had reached safely.  I still had Aunt Hildas number with me. I could phone her now. I walked towards the living room. I knew there was no one there because the lights were switched off. Without opening the lights, I walked towards the phone and dialed Aunt Hildas number. "Hello?" "Hey, mummy? It's me. Steph." "Oh, steph, are you okay, what are you-" "Yeah, yeah, mummy, I am fine, tell me, is Aunt Hilda okay now?" There was a deep pause, then Mummy said,"No. She's worse. The doctor says its going to be anytime now." "You mean she's going to die?!" "Yes. Steph. She has no time left. It's fortunate that we came here yesterday. She has been unconsious since the morning." "Oh." I had never seen anyone die before. The prospect of death was new to me, apart from those pretend deaths in the play. Mandy's death. I shook my head, even the thought of Mandy's death was nauseating to me. "But you are going to come home tomorrow, mummy?" "Yes. Tell me, Steph, where are you now? Are you at the McHughs?" "No. I am at Jake's house. You were right,Mummy, he held a after party. Mandy is here too." "Are you having fun?" "Yeah. I am missing you guys."    "We'll be back soon,Steph, listen, I have to go now, we'll talk later, ok?" "Ok,bye."   I put down the receiver and sighed. Even my own mother didn't have time to talk to me. I got up and then the living daylights were scared out of me. Someone grabbed me! "Aaaaaaah! Who are you?Let me go!" I struggled to free myself. The lights were still off so it was hard to see. I pulled my hand away and bit my attacker. " Hey! It's only me, Steph. Are you seriously mad? You bit me!" "Huh? Jake?"    I walked over and switched on the lights. "Oh, Oh,Jake, I am so sorry, Does it hurt?"    "Not at all. It feeles like flying." Jake said sarcastically, clutching his hand. "Well, it's your own fault, Mr Jake, who told you to pounce on me like that?"    "I didnt POUNCE  on you. I just saw a shadow in the room and deccided to check who it was. It may have been a burglar." "Yeah, right." I said,"As if a burglar would be sitting in your living room." "Could happen. Who knows?"  I walked towards the door, Jake caught my hand,    "Where are you going?" "Out." I said,"Am I not even allowed to do that?"    "No.Go out. Infact, just get out of my life." "Why?"  I leaned in towards him,"Now that you have Ashley, you dont need me?"    "I dont HAVE Ashley, if that's what you mean, and why's that bothering YOU anyway?"  "Has it ever occured to you,Jake, that there's a world beyond your sweet Ashley?"        Jake glared at me, I glared back, "Are YOU that world, Steph?"     I blushed,"I..No, ofcourse not,I only meant generally." "Generally."Jake repeated,"Well, then I suppose we had better go. Ashley will wonder what we are doing here alone."   "Alone. What can we do alone,Jake? We ARE never alone. There's always Ash between us." "I dont know what you are trying to point at, Steph. Everyone must be waiting for us-"    "Forget everyone. Forget Ashley. Listen to me, Jake, do you care for me at all? Dont you care what I think?" "What if I say I do?" "Then I'll be the happiest girl in the world." "And what if I dont?"    "Stop this nonsense, Jake-" "No, YOU stop this, Steph. What are you trying to show? That you are a better friend then Ashley?"     "Ashley. Ashley. Ashley. Cant we forget her for once?" "I am trying to, but you wont let me."    I took a deep breath, "Listen, Jake, I am only trying to tell you that Ashley doesnt care for you the way you care for her-" "There you go again.And you want me to forget Ashley.Why are you talking about her now?"    "Because she's the one, Jake! Dont all love stories have a villian? Shes our villian!" "Love story? Do you call us a love story, Steph?"    "I..I..yes! Yes, I like you,Jake! I have always." "Do you really mean that?" Jake stared into my eyes as if he couldnt believe his ears.    "Yes. I do, Jake. I do." We both stared at each other, tears in my eyes. I couldn't read the expresion on Jake's face. Was he angry? Did he think of me like a sister? A noise brought us both back to earth. Ashley was standing at the door, clapping. I glared at her. She smiled, "Well. Well. Well.What do we have here?  So determined, Steph? So determined to seperate me and Jake?"   "I am not trying to do anything like that-"I started but Ashley interrupted me, "Such LIES,Steph. Do you think I dont know? You know what, Jake? Steph has been after you ever since she first saw you. It hurts her to see us together. She's trying to have us break up."  "I dont know what you are talking about." I said and walked out of the door towards the stairs. "Really,Steph? You dont know? Then maybe I should enlighten you. What about the fact that you two were here alone? You planned that, didn't you?"   "Believe whatever you want-" I started again but was interrupted.  "Ashley." So far, Jake had kept quiet. But now he came forward,out of the room after Ashley, forcing me to stop and look at him,"Let me handle this." "What are YOU going to say now, Jake? That you feel sorry for me?" I glared at him angrily,"You think I am wrong, dont you? You think that I lied to you."   "No, I dont. I dont, Steph." Jake took my hand in his, I stared in his eyes,"Infact, I am quite happy. Happy that you finally told me how you feel about-"   "What's going on,Jake?" Ashley said in a calm cold voice, coming forward and seperating me and Jake."Have you forgot? Have you forgotten your promise?"   "No..... No, never, Ash." Jake drew back and turned away from me. I stared after him. Then Ahsley came up close near me and glared at me. "I told you, ddint I? I told you that you cant ever win." She said it so quietly that Jake didnt hear her.    "You...I'll get you back, Ashley, see if I dont-" "Oh, your threats dont scare me, Stephanie."  "What's going on here?" Mandy came into view, climbing up the stairs and onto the hall. "Welcome," Ashley said sarcastically,"Your presence was the only one left. Any complains you want to register?"    Mandy looked at me questioningly, I shrugged. This was getting out of hand now. "None yet. Though maybe you have something to say?" Oh God, why was Mandy fighting with Ashley now? Jake looked at me, I glared at him. Whatever had he promised Ashley that he had drew back so suddenly? Ashley walked towards Mandy, glaring. "You are right at that. How come Mr Harry gave YOU that role?" Ashley said, looking hatefull at Mandy. "He answered that himself, didnt he?" Mandy smirked,"He said'I gave the role to the most deserving.' I deserved it the most. I acted the best."   "You didnt! You brainwashed him somehow, Mandy, I know you did. He would never have rejected me and selected you if he had been in his consiousness." "That's an excellent theory,"Mandy smiled,"It should go down in The Book Of World Records." "Guys," Jake came forward,"Just shut it, Ok?"   "No, Jake, no!" Ashley screamed, I looked at her,"It was my everything.Everything! And she got it all." "I know, Ash, I know how much it means to you." Jake tried to comfort her.    "No, you dont, Jake. Do you have ANY idea how much mama was depending on me winning that role?"Ashley cried. I stared at her in disbelief, was she actually crying?" Mama doesnt have a job now, we were depending on the money which would come from that role. "   "I know. We'll do something, Ash-" Jake said. "No! She got it all! She!" Ashley said, pointing hatefully at Mandy.    "Hush,, hush, Ash, calm do-" "She'll pay! I'll make her pay for destroying my life!"    "No..Ash! Stop." What happened next was so fast that I barely realized what was happening. In one swift motion, Ashley was over at Mandy's side, glaring at her while muttering,"I'll make you pay." And then I saw no more. Because she pushed Mandy. Mandy screamed as she lost her balance and fell down, rolling down the stairs. Jake and I shrieked. "Mandy!" Ashley remained in her place, frozen. Blood started to appear on the stairs, and then Mandy rolled on to the last step, unconsious. I ran down the stairs towards her. Blood was everywhere, I stared at her in horror. Her eyes  had rolled back into her head.She lay crumpled up on the last step. I held her face in my hands. Her features could hadly be recognised, there was so much blood. Blood. No! No! I tried to shake her, to make her open her eyes, but she remained unconsious. "Someone call an ambulance!" I shrieked. I felt someone trying to lift me up away from Mandy, and I realized, this was not a dream. This was real. Mandy was dying, she was bleeding. I screamed,"Mandy!"  I looked around,I could barely see anything, my vision was darkened, "Steph? Get up. The ambulance is coming, come on, get up, she'll be allright-"    "No! Wake her! Wake her,Jake!" And then I saw or heard no more, because I too, like Mandy had dropped into unconsiousness.      Chapter 28  I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in a room, a white room. There were tubes everywhere. One was going through my nose, the other one was injected in my hand. I screwed my eyes, Jake was sitting beside me. "Jake? Where am I?" "Steph? She's awake!" Jake cried and got up, out the door. I stared after him and called out in a weak voice, "Dont leave me, Jake!" And then there were all these tubes allover me, and I saw a doctor measuring my blood pressure or something and then, "She'll be fine now. You can take her home by the evening." "Thank you, Doctor." I heard Jake reply. And then the doctor left the room.    "Jake?" I cried out again,"Jake, where am I?" "Hospital. You are in the hospital, Steph. You fainted when you saw Mandy." Mandy. Mandy! Where was she? Hiow was she?   "Where is she? Where is Mandy?" I tried to get up and free myself from all the million tubes. In a minute, Jake's hands were over me, forcing me to stop. "No, you cant go out now, Steph. Your blood pressure is still low." "Be hell with me!" I cried, still trying to free myself,"How is Mandy! Take me to her!"   "Relax...hush," Jake tried to comfort me the way he had comforted Ashley, it brought back that memory of Jake's house. How long had been that? How long had  I been unconsious? "Dont HUSH me, Jake." I gave up, trying to free myself, in no way could I ever match Jake'a strengh,"Let go. Let me go to Mandy."  "You are not going anywhere now, Steph. You need to rest-" "Why dont you understand?!" I cried angrily,"I CANT rest! I have to see Mandy!" "Well, you cant see her now, she's in the ICU."    "ICU?!" No! That meant that her conditon was seriously bad! In one swift motion, I had freed myself from all the tubes. So fast that Jake didnt even realize. He caught me as I was about to open the door and run out. I stopped him before he could say anything, "Dont mess with me now, Jake."You,"I pointed a finger at his chest,"Just. Tell. Me. The. Ward. Mandy.Is. In." I waited, Jake didnt reply but instead tried to close the door. "Fine!" I yelled, forcing the door open and ran out. It wasnt hard finding out where Mandy was, there were a lot of people gathered outside  the ward, reporters too. Reporters? What were they doing here?And then I noticed, there were police officers too. I ran over to them. And then I saw her, Ashley. With handcuffs on her hands, and gripped by two cops, and a woman who I didn't recognise crying loudly beside her. "Ashley? Where are they taking you?!" I cried out, looking at the cops all around. "Ashley John is being taken under custody for the attempted murder of Mandy McHugh." "Murder?!" I screamed,"Of Mandy!!"    And then someone yelled, "She's Stephanie Moore! Shes a withness!" And then there were all these people trying to get through to me, there were cameras clicking, people yelling all sorts of strange things. A cop held me behind him, holding the mob from getting through to me. I blinked. What was happening? Among the choas, I could make out the voices of the reporters, "Stephanie!"Do you think Ashley John is responsible for the attempted murder of Mandy McHugh?"    "Miss Moore! Eye withnesses say that you were there when the crime was performed, what are your views on it? Do you think-" "Stephanie!Did you see the deed performed?" There were cries of 'Stephanie!' everywhere. I looked around in horror, there was noone here that I recognized, apart from Ashley. These were strangers, strangers bombarding me with questions. And then I saw a familiar face. I ran out from behind the cops towards him, the mob followed. "Jake!" I hid my head in his chest and sobbed, not even caring that I was coming on TV now. I was so terrified, complettely broken. I felt so alone. "I know."Jake ruffled my hair lightly,"That's why I didnt want you to come out." In less then a minute, the mob was over at our side. I could hear them,   "Mr Wilson! Were you there too?" "What can you say about the arresting of your friend Ashley?"    "Mr Jake! What happened that Miss John tried to murder Miss McHugh?" I felt Jake look around, and then I was lifted off my feet. I opened my eyes, Jake had lifted me up in arms and was carrying me somewhere. Even though I was dead with worry for Mandy, I couldnt help thinking how nice Jake smelled. Like sugary mint. And the feel of his hands over me was even more amazing. I flung my arms around him,I hadnt realized that we were walking until Jake placed me down gently on a hospital bed.   We were in a room, maybe the same room as before. I couldnt be sure. Jake poured out a glass of water and handed it to me, I took it, my hands shaking.   I almost dropped the glass, I hadnt realized how weak I was. Jake took it from mr and held up infront of me so that I could drink. I took a sip and then pushed the glass away. "Are you okay?" Jake asked, placing a hand on my forehead to check out my temperature. I noddded,   "Why are all those people here,Jake?" "You know how rarely anything happens here at Forks, Steph. The media is going to make a big case out of this." "Oh. How long was I uncosious?" "6 hours, I think. But long enough. You almost had me sick with worry, Steph. You wouldnt wake up and I thought you were...you werwe going to...I didnt leave your bedside even once." "You didnt go out to check on Ashely? The cops have arrested her." "I know I should. But I was just so worried about you. As soon as we reached the hospital, the word had spread. We were interrogated by the cops and I..I told them that Ashley pushed Mandy. They have been holding her under custody since then." "'For attempted murder of Mandy McHugh,'" I repeated what the officer had said, and then that wave of terror ran over me again. Mandy! "How is Mandy, Jake? She's going to be allright, isnt she?" Jake looked at me, taking my hand in his and rubbing it gently. It made me feel that something was terribly wrong. "Tell me,Jake! How is Mandy?" "I...Steph, Mandy is not, errr, well. She's umm...in the ICU. The doctors are not, umm, very sure they can save her-" "What?!" I screamed, standing up,"No!Mandy cant die. Not Mandy!" "Steph! Dont get upset, please-"   "What do you mean, dont get upset?" I cried," Mandy is dying! Take me to her, please, Jake, please!" "You cant go now, Steph, All the media is out there-"    "I dont care! I want to see her!" "But the doctors wont even let you see her-"     "I will force them!" "But, Steph-"   "Did YOU stand out, Jake? Did you stay away while I was unconsious?Could you do it? No. You were there in the room, werent you? Then dont stop ME, Jake." We stood staring at each other's eyes. Brown into light brown.I knew I had him with the last line. The one about him waiting for me to wake up.  The scene of earlier today was replayed. There were tears in my eyes. The only difference was that this time Jake broke the silence. "Ok," He nodded,"Come on." I followed him out in the hall. The questions started again when we passed through the cops in the ICU ward. "There she is."Jake said, pointing towards a door. I walked over to the room and pressed myself against the door.It was glass, so I could see Mandy lying on the bed inside, her eyes closed, dying. "Mandy."I started sobbing, Jake came and placed an arm around me,    "There. There. It will be alright." I barely heard him, I was lost in my own world.I wanted to touch Mandy, feel her. Make sure that she was still there, she was still alive. I forced open the door, it shut lightly beside me. I walked inside, going to sit on the bedside around Mandy.I touched her face, her hair. Mandy. My Mandy.   I hadnt even asked her for forgiveness yet, we hadnt even talked thoroughly about the Ashley problem. I had so much to tell her, so much. If only she was there to listen. All the good times we had had together, the times we had laughed uncontrolably over things not even funny. We had gone to parties together;slept together. There was so much, such a large portion of mylife had been spent with Mandy. How could she leave me now? Leave me to fight with the whole world alone? No, she wouldnt'. She couldn't.  All the times we had teased each other,   "Yes, madame,"Mandy had said, "I will do as you say, Your Highness." "You have got a very bad impression of me, Steph."    I remembered all the times we had laughed in Library together because we thought that the Librarian and our school peon, Mr Wilkins were going out. The time we had watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 together. We had both cried when Ron had left Harry and Hermione.   The countless times we had watched reruns of our favourite TV serial,Green Gables. The times we had sat and gossiped about others. Everything had been perfect. Perfect. Before Ashley had came along and destroyed everything.  And then all the times we had fought over Ashley. How could I have been so stupid? How?    "I dont want to give her a chance, Steph. I am good enough as it is, and I want you to stay the same too, why do you want to be friends with her anyway?" "You are my best friend! You should support me, Steph!" How I had accused her,   "You obviously stole my necklace, didnt you? And now you have the nerve to lie about it!" "I dont believe you, Steph. Is this all the tust you had in me?"    Oh!Oh! Why? Why did I ever accuse Mandy? How I could I have said all the things to her that I had? How could I have mistrusted my best friend?  The time I had found Mandy crying in her room. Broken, because she had lost the lead. And I had rubbed it in in her face. Instead of comforting her, I had accused her of stoling mine and Jake's pics. What kind of friend had I been? If only she could come back now, I would tell her everything. Everything. I would fall on her knees if I had to. I laid my head against Mandy's arm, crying softly. "Hey! What are you doing here? Even the patient's parents are not allowed to go inside the ICU room. Please come out."   I looked up, a man in doctors clothes was motioning for me to come out; I stood up. "Please, please let me stay with her-"    "I am sorry, miss, but you will have to come out, germs can spread." "She's my sister! please-"     "Please go out or I will have to call the authorities." I sobbed and then with one last touch at Mandy's face, I walked over to the door. I looked back at Mandy. Why was my heart thumping? Why did I feel like this was the last time I would see Mandy alive? No. I couldn't let myself think anything like that.   I walked out of the ward room, "Jake? Where are you?"     I had forgotten that the mob was waiting outside,they caught me as soon as I came out; trying to hold a microphone under my mouth. Asking questions. I looked around, there was Jake; with Ashley. I felt a burst of anger when I saw Ashley. She was responsible for all this, she had pushed Mandy! She was alive, well, while Mandy was there in the ICU. She had destroyed my life! I lunged at her.   "You! You did this! you pushed her!" Realizing that this was a golden opportunity, the reporters came at my side at once, recording everything on camera.  "You tried to murder Mandy-" "Be quiet, Steph, you dont know what you are talking about, anything you say now will be recorded." Jake tried to shush me. "No!" I screamed,"Why should I be quiet? The whole world should know!" I ran towards a reporter,"I'll tell you, what do you want to know? I am a withness, this girl here, Ashley, sje tried to murder my best friend Mandy-"   "Shut up!' Jake caught hold of me, putting his hand on my mouth, I fought against him, "No!" I looked at Ashley,"Why wont you speak now, huh? Lost your voice?"     "Are Mr and Mrs McHugh here?" I looked around; it was a doctor, the same one who had driven me out. For the first time I noticed Mandy's parents standing in a corner. Her mother sobbing silenty. They called out,  "Here we are, is Mandy better now?" "No," The doctor shook his head, walking towards them, I ran over too," I am sorry to say but your daughter has gone into coma."   "Coma?!!" There was a large intake of breath from everyone; Mrs McHugh sobbed harder; I screamed and Jake ran over to comfort me. Ofcourse, it didnt matter to him;what did he care? He didnt care for anyone beside Ashley. I shrug him off.   "Coma? You mean she will never wake up?" Mandy's father said. "We cant be sure. With coma, you dont know." The doctor replied," She may wake up now, or in 10 years, or never.She may die. Nothing can be said. And even if she wakes up, there is no surity, that she will remember anything."  I fell down on the floor, the doctor walked away but his words stayed behind'she may never wake up','she may die'. Oh! Ring.Ring.Ring. Jake's phone was ringing. He handed it to me,"It's for you."   "Who is it?" I asked, remembering as I want the time that I had asked Mandy the same question when she had said the same thing to me. "It's your parents." "How do they know?" "I called them.    "Oh. Ok, give it to me." I held the phone,"Hello?"   "Hello, Steph? Are you alright? Oh! You are  okay? How did everything happen Is Mandy okay? When did you wake up? Do you have anyone there with you? OH! Why wont you anwer me?!"   "Mummmy, let me speak atleast. Yes, I am okay now. The McHughs are here too." "Is Mandy okay?"   I stifled a sob,"No, she's gone into coma."     There was a pause on the other side,"Oh, I am so sorry, Steph-" "Please dont talk  about it, mummy, tell me, is Aunt Hilda okay now?"    Another pause, then,"No, she died. Earlier today. Very soon after you called infact."     "May she rest in peace." I couldnt express more then just general grief for Aunt Hildas death because I didnt know her so well," When are you two coming back?"  "We are trying to come as soon as we can, I know you are alone. We will be back after the funeral. Tommorow. "   "Oh." "Are the McHughs okay?"    "No. They are crying. the cops have arrested Ashley-"  Suddenly everyone in the hospital rushed towards someone. I looked up;the doctor had came out again.    "Mummy, I'll talk later," Without even waiting to hear her reply, I screamed,"Bye!" and ran towards the doctor.  "What's happened? Is Mandy okay? Has she woken up?" The Doctor looked at the McHughs and then at all the people gathered around, including the reporters and the officers. And then taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth to speak. Chapter 29 "Now, before I say anything, please be sure that we tried our best-"    I was almost about to shout,"Oh, shut that! Just tell us about Mandy!" But Jake placed a hand on my mouth. I looked over to him, but he was looking ahead. "-But I am very sorry to say, Mandy McHugh is no more." There were shrieks and yells, I dropped down to the floor, still trying to make sense of what the doctor had said.'Mandy McHugh is no more.' And then I realized, Mandy was dead!    "No! You are lying!"  I fought against Jake, and ran towards the ICU ward, going straight for the rom Mandy was in. I heard people following me, but I didnt care. There was only one thought on my mind;I had to make sure that the doctor was lying, I had to make sure that Mandy was still alive. I ran towards her, shaking her, her face, her hair, any part of her that I could touch. "Mandy! Mandy, wake up!" I shook Mandy's face, i tried to open her eyes, I felt for her heartbeat, it wasn't there.   "Mandy!Look! Its me, Steph, I have came to take you home, come on, wake up, Mandy,open your eyes, please, MANDY!"      I felt someone trying to drag me away, trying to seperate me from my Mandy, I kicked and fought against them. "No! Wake her, she is not dead. No,she is alive!"     That same doctor came around, covering Mandy's face with the sheets. "No!" I yelled,"What are you doing?" I pulled the sheets down,"She wont be able to breathe!"     "Steph, she's dead-"  "No! She's not dead! you are lying1 You all are lying!"     I ran towards Mandy again,"Mandy, look, look what they are saying about you, they are saying you are dead, come on, wake up-"    "Miss Moore! She's dead, someone control this girl please!" There was yelling, shouting, all sorts of strange noises.The doctor covered Mandy's head again, I tried to run towards her, but I was stopped;strong hands were holding me back,   "Let me go! Mandy's alive-"  And then I was lifted off my feet again, I didnt care who it was, I just wanted to get back to Mandy, I fought against my carrier with all my might, screaming,   "No! Mandy's alive-" And then I caught sight of Mr and Mrs McHughs face. they were both crying;broken, but they were both staring at me, asif they had found their daughter again. I turned away from them, and kicked my attacker. I was placed down somewhere, I gor up again, still screaming. Jake stopped me,     "Stephanie! She's dead. Mandy. Is. Dead!" The realization seemed to hit this time, I stared up at his face in horror. Yes, Mandy was dead. That was the truth; Mandy was gone,gone far far away where I could never touch her again. We would never talk again, never laugh together. I would never hear her  voice again. "Oh, Oh Jake!" "Just calm down, Steph, it will be alright, hush."      I took a deep breath, and then a rush of anger came over me again, "Where's Ashley? Where's that witch? Where's that MURDERER?"     This seemed to strike Jake, "Murderer?"And then"Oh!" Perhaps he had not realized that now that Mandy had died, Ashley was guilty of murder. Her acting career, all her dreams were over. Prison would be her home now.    Served her right! That spoiled evil brat. I would give evidence against her; however much Jake would want me not to, I would. I would make sure that that murderer got her punishment.   And for a moment, I had forgotten, and whose murder I was talking about.But then it all came crashing back. But before I could take another step, Jake had already left the room. I followed him.   Outside it did not seem that the news that Mandy had died had spread. The media was still crowded outside the room, not being allowed to go inside. Jake and I both ran towards Ashley. I let him get to her first, all the better for me. He went and stood around her. The woman whom I still didnt recognise, looked up and asked, "What happened? Can I take Ashley home now?" Home? Then she must be Ashley's mother, why wasnt her father here too? Jake held the woman's hand sympathetically, "No, I am sorry, Mrs John,"So I was right, the woman was Ashley's mother,"But Mandy has died, there will be the court proceedings now-"   "That girl died and left my daughter-"Mrs John started to speak, but I interrupted her, "Dont you dare!" I cried, running up to her,"Dont you dare say anything bad about Mandy!"     Mrs John looked sideways at Jake, with a glance I realized had a hidden meaning; but which I didnt understand.But I was stopped thinking further because Ashley, who had been silent all this time, started to laugh. Hysterically. We all looked at her in confusion. "Ha ha ha!"She actually FELL down laughing, clutching her stomach. Mrs John tried to control her, afterall we were coming on live TV right now. "Ashley, are you okay? Why are you laughing?" "Dont you see, mother? Mandy is dead!"    "That's nothing to laugh about!" Her mother hissed. "Hahaaha! Jake! Mandy's dead! I'll get that role now!"    That was the last straw. Mandy was dead, and she was happy that she would get the role now?I lunged towards her, "You. Evil. Murderer.You'll have your punishment, you'll go to prison-" "Dead!Mandy's dead!"    "You-"I started again but Jake interupted me, "Stop, Steph!" He said,"Dont you see? It..it has got to her brain! She's..she's mentally unstable!"    "Yeah, right."I said sarcastically,She's mentally..wait!what?! You mean..she's...she's gone mad?!!" "We are giving you the latest news,"Lots of the reporters had started to film their interviews,"The victim, Mandy McHugh has died, and the culprit,Ashley John is being said to have lost her brain."   "Look at her!" Jake screamed, fianlly having lost his temper,"Do you think se would be acting like this if she was in her right mind?"   "She..sh..she.."I stared at Ashley, she was twirling around, laughing. The cops were trying to control her, she was hysterical. Uncontrollable. And then I realized, Yes. She was mentally unstable. She would never be so...so vulnerable, if she was okay.   She had lost her brain;mlost her brain in the knowledge that her life was over. She would be going to prison now. "She's mad!" I yelled,"She's dangerous!"      And then everything was happening suddenly. The cops were dragging Ashley somewhere with the media, Mrs John and Jake running after them.     I looked around, there was no one here. No one at all. No one here to suport me, cry with me. There was only me here.Only me, me and Mandy's dead body.   It was a few hours later; I was at Mandy's house, with her parents. My own parents were due to arrive anytime now. We had stayed up the whole night, it was around 8 in the morning now. I had stayed with Mandy's parents, supporting them, crying with them. Our grief was the same. But how could I comfort them for loosing their daughter, whom they loved, when I was broken myself?     Jake had went with Ashley; she had been put under custody; in the Mason Hospital for the Mentally Unstable, down South of Riverdale. She hadn't been certified as Mandy's murderer yet. But she was the biggest suspect. Suspect, huh! She WAS the murderer. We all were wthnesses. There had been 4 people present on that hall when Mandy had fell. Me, Jake, Mandy and Ashley. Jake would obviously give evidence in favour of Ashley, he wouldnt want her to go to prison. But I would give evidence against her. I would avenge Mandy's murderer.    Prison. She hadnt been taken to prison yet, only to the hospital. To check whether she had lost her mental stability. According to that, it would be decided, what the court proceedings would be. If she really had lost her mind, she wouldnt be put into prison, only in the Mental hospital.    She was still under custofy though. the police were gathered outside the hospital. And the media too. What did they care? They only wanted a good story for their viewers. They didnt care that some parents had lost their daughter, a friend had lost her best friend, a girl had left this world. A leaf had fallen. A light had dimmed. What DID they care? "Here, have something to eat, you must be tired." I looked up, it was a woman I didnt recognise, she was handing me a Dairy Milk.    "Thanks."I said, taking it from her, afterall who can refuse a Diary Milk? The woman smiled and sat down beside me, "You were Mandy's best friend, werent you?" She said softly.    I sighed, best friends. I hadnt behaved very best friendly, for sure.  "Yeah, I was."I replied, taking a bite. I didnt really care who this woman was, she must be a relative of the McHughs. A lot of people had came here to comfort Mandy's parents. This must be one of them.  "It must hurt." "Ofcourse it does!"I snapped.    "I am sorry, Mrs McHugh told me that you were there too when it happened. Would you like to tell me about it? It might make you feel less guilty."   I stared up at her, she was a stranger, a complete stranger. Yet, somehow I felt like telling her everything. My subconsience was telling me that I shouldnt trust her, but I ignored it.    "It all happened so quickly, one moment Mandy was there, and the other she was falling."I said, my mind taking me back to that scene in the hall.   "Oh. Did she loose her balance? Is that why she fell?" "Did she ever!"I said in a rush of emotion,"No! That murderer Ashley pushed her! That's why she fell! She would never have fallen otherwise!"    For a moment, I thought I saw a look of satisfaction on that womans face, and then again, worrry. "You blame her, then."It was not a question, it was a statement, but I replied anyway,     "Yes. I blame her entirely for taking Mandy's life, she should be put into prison!" "Well, well,well," the woman said, in such a perfect imitation of Ashley that I actually thought she was here and looked up,"The court will decide that. Do you feel better now?"   "Yes. Loads."I nodded. "Get some rest now." the woman got up suddenly and left the room. I got up too and went otside. Mummy had already phoned, she knew Mandy was dead. They were coming back.   I opened the door, and walked outside. I jogged over to a park, the same park I had sat in one day. I went and sat at a bench.It was early morning;so it wasnt much crowded. I closed my eyes.   "Steph! Wake up!" "Huh?" I opened my eyes,"Mandy, is that you?"    "For Gods Sake! Mandy is dead! When will you accept that?" I screwed up my eyes,"Jake?"    "Yes, Jake. Now, get up and come with me." "Where? What time is it by the way?"I said, getting  up and rubbing my eyes.    "Around 11. Come on, I need to show you something."  "What?"    "Get up first." I got up and glared at him,"Now what?"    "You were sleping on a bench." "I was sleeping on a...so what?"    "Nothing. But what you did BEFORE that is something. Come with me."    "What did I do? What did I do, Jake?"       He didnt reply, instead dragged me towards his house. And into the TV room. "Why have we came here, Jake?"     He switched on the Tv. It was a news channel.  "You brought me here to watch the news?"    "Look!" I stared at the screen, and gasped. It was me. Me! With that moman. She was a reporter! She had tricked me! Tricked me into giving her an interview! "That murderer Ashley pushed her!" "Yes, I blame her entirely for taking Mandy's life. She should be put into prison."     I watched my own face speaking on the Tv. And then that woman said, "We now know that Miss  Ashley John murdered Mandy McHugh. one of the two present withnesses have given evidence against her. The other prime withness is Jake Wilson.."   "Why did you do that, Steph? Why?!" "Believe me, Jake. I..I didnt know!"    "Oh, right!" He said sarcastically,"You didnt know that that woman was recording you?" "Honestly, Jake, she didnt say anything-"    "Oh, please!" "I am not lying, Jake, please, please dont leave me, please. Mandy's already gone."    Jake looked at me and then sighed,"I am sorry, Steph, but do you have ANY idea what that Interview is going to cost? "He looked at my tearstrewn face,"Oh, alright."    I hugged him then looked up,"What will happen now?" "The court has sheduled a hearing for tomorrow.If Ashley is proven guilty but mentally unstable, she will be put into the mental hospital."  "We know she's guilty, Jake." "But she didnt mean it!"    "She did so. She went over and pushed Mandy." Jake gave me a look with whichI knew we were going to have a fight now.    "Do you have any idea what she's been through,Steph?" "That doesnt matter now-"     "No, it does. Come on, I'll show you her house. And then you can judge her."  I nodded, I had to see for myself,"Is it far?"     "In the outskirts of the town. We'll go by bus."  I nodded again, we both caught the subway bus and sat by the window side. I looked over at Jake, he seemed lost in thought. "Jake?" "Yeah?"    "Where are your parents?" "At the hospital. With Mrs John."    "Oh. Are we there yet?" "Just about."     The bus rounded a corner and I followed Jake as he got off.  The area we had came to looked like a rubbish dumpster to me. there were some shabby cottages here and there. A bad smell sorrounded the air, i wrinkled my nose.   "You think it's strange, dont you, Steph?" "Um, what's strange?"    "That Ashley might live in a place like this?" "Yes. Ofcourse, she doesnt live her."     "I'll show you, come on." Jake lead me towards one of the cottage, and pointed at the gate. I could barely make out the name 'John'. I gasped, so Ashley did really live here.   Jake opened the door, it creaked. "She...she actually LIVES here?" I asked, peeping inside the cottage,"this house is smaller then my den!"      Jake smiled, a weird sort of bitter smile,"You see now? You see her need for money? Ashley's father diied when she barely 5. Since then her mother, Mrs John, brought up her and her two twin brothers alone. She did odd jobs, cleaning. Working as a clerk. All sorts of jobs just so that she could feed her children."  I noticed a tear in Jake's eyes as he said this,"Ashley wanted to help her. She wanted her to rest now. She wanted to earn money, support her family. She wanted her brothers to have  agood future.        "That was why it was so important for her to get that role. If she had won that role, she would have got fame. She would have been payed alot by Mr Harry. And then she would have been cast in other movies too. She would have made it big, improved her future. they would have been able to afford a good house. Help themselves."    I realized, with a shock, that I was crying myself. I had never thought that Ashley had such a troubled life. Jake continued again, "And then her mother lost one of her jobs. And they started starving. I offered to help her, I WANTED to help her, remember? I told you to?" I nodded,"But Ashley would not allow it, she did not want anyones charity. That was whys she was so desperate. When she lost that role, she realized that she had lost the last chance she had of helping her mother and her brothers."    "Oh." Oh! Poor, poor Ashley.'Never judge a book by its cover' I had judged Ashley by what she appeared to be. Never once realizing that there was a hidden life under that hard mask. I had mistaken her.   "You see? She had her reasons." Jake said and looked at me.I nodded, and placed my head on his chest; looking at the shabby cottage before me. Yes, she had her reasons. She was wrong. They had both been wrong; Ashley and Mandy. Byt they were right too, I realized. yes, they were right too...in  their own way. Chapter 30 How could I have known? Understood the hidden meanings? I had mistaken Mandy, and now it was revealed that I had mistaken Ashley too, had I ever done anything right in my 17 years of life?    "I...I am..but, but she never said anything!"I said. "I told you,"Jake started,"She had her self pride, she wanted to do everything herself. She was very angry with me when she found out that I had told you she was having financial problems. You told her, I suppose?"    I nooded. "She was angry. We fought alot. Somehow, she only trusted me; trusted me to keep her secret safe. We had gone through alot together. She felt she could trust me."    "I know." I didnt want to hear any of this. Sorry, as I was for Ashley, I didnt want to hear repeats about her and Jake's trust in each other. "Come on, Jake, let's goo back. I cant stay here a moment longer." I started walking back, Jake caught up with me.    "So you cant even stay here for a few minutes; Ashley LIVED here." "I know. I am sorry for her, Jake. I misjudged her, but what do you mean by all this?"     "You gave evidence against her." It was more like an accusatry statement then a question. "I did the right thing, Jake."     "By doing the wrong thing, you can save a person's life, Steph."    "What about the life that I lost? What about Mandy?!"   "Can you bring her back? Will, by making Ashley go to prison, you bring Mandy back?"        "No, but her soul will rest in peace." "Steph,"Jake looked like he was trying to control himself,"You know as well as I do that Ashley did not mean to bring Mandy any real harm, apart from some bruises. You were THERE. You saw it yourself."   Jake looked into my eyes, it felt impossible for me to tear my eyes away, because what he was saying was true. Completely true. Yes, Ashley was the reason Mandy was no more, but Ashley hadn't meant to kill Mandy. She wanted to hurt Mandy somehow but not kill. I turned my eyes away from Jake's atlast.   "The court will decide that." I started walking towards the busstop. "But you will give evidence against her?" "Give me some time to think, Jake!"I cried, "You have told me alot today, I need to think about that before I come to any conclusion!" Jake looked at me and then sighed,      "Oh. Alright, come on." We both got on the bus, soon we had reached the bustop near Mandy's house. We got off.   “Where are you going?” I asked, “Back to the hospital,” Jake replied.     “Oh. I am going back home. Mummy and Father must be back by now.” “Good. See you later. And Steph ?”   “Yeah?” “Think about what I said.” “Okay.” We parted our ways. I walked back towards my house. If Mummy and dad wouldn’t be back then the house would still be locked. I climbed up the stairs and opened the door, it was unlocked.     “Mummy?” “Steph!”     Mummy came running out of somewhere, quickly followed by father; and they both hugged me. “Are you alright, Steph?” She asked, touching every part of me that she could reach.”  “Yes, yes, mummy. I am good.” “Is..did we miss the funeral?”   I felt myself stiffening, ”No, you didn’t. Its tomorrow.” “Oh. Did anyone bother you about it, Steph? I saw your interview on the Tv.” “Interview. As if!” “What do you mean?” “Nothing, Mummy. Look, I am sure you must be tired, lets all rest now.”     Mummy looked unsure but then nodded, “Ok.” I ran up the stairs, past father, and up to my room. The last time I had been it things had been so changed,   so changed. Mandy had still been alive. All had been well. Ring.Ring.Ring. I looked around and then realized that my own cellphone was ringing. I received the call. “Hello?” “Miss Moore?” “Yes.” “We are from The Express Tribune,”I sighed, not one of those again.”Would you like to give us a special interview regarding the death of-“    There. I had cut the call. These reporters had been pestering me ever since yesterday. I flipped my mobile over and took out the sim and threw it into the dustbin. There, it was gone now. Stephanie Moore, best friend of Murdered Mandy McHugh was dead too. “Steph, wake up.” “Huh?Mummy,” I sat up, “For how long did I sleep?”     “Ummm, around 5 hours, I think.” “Oh. I slept in the morning too. Whats happening to me?”     “Steph, you did not have an ounce of sleep last night. Ofcourse, your body needs rest.” “Yeah, probably. What time is it now?”      “Around 8. Come on, get up. Arent you hungry?” “Yeah. Loads. Is it dinner already?” “Yes. Get up. I am waiting for you in the kitchen.”           She got up and went out, I stared after her. My mind running back to Ashley’s shabby, small, cottage home.Here I was, I had everything. Loving parents, a good home, money. *I* didn’t have to work so that my family wouldn’t starve. I had everything given to me. I didn’t have to work for anything. And there was Ashley, having to live with the knowledge that her younger brothers went to sleep everynight with an empty stomach. Here, while we threw away the food when we didn’t feel like it, Ashley’s mother had to work odd jobs so she could give that same food to her family. In a way, it wasn’t fair. Me having everything, but Ashley having to work for it. She had not wanted her life to be so. But I could still help her. Help her, if I gave evidence in favour of her. Like Jake said, I could do a wrong to do a big right.           But that would be an insult to Mandy’s memory! Helping her culprit escape. I couldn’t do that to Mandy! I couldn’t!          But what about Ashley? What about those two twin brothers who must now be waiting for their sister to  come home? What about Ashley’s life? Her whole life would be destroyed. And all if I gave evidence against her. It was all in my hands. Do wrong to one person, Mandy, while doing right for others, Ashley, her brothers, Mrs John. What was right and what was wrong? Yes, Ashley had pushed Mandy, But that must have been destined. Destined for Mandy to be at the edge of the stairs at that time so that she slipped and went rolling down the stairs, hurting her head. It was all predestination. It could have been otherwise, Mandy might have been standing at my place, and then she wouldn’t have been hurt at all by Ashley’s push. And everything would have been alright. Was this all destined? For Mandy to fall and die, and for me to learn the truth about Ashley? What should I do now? It all depended on me. My one statement in the court would decide four peoples life. “Stephanie!Why aren’t you here yet? Come down at once!” “Coming, mother.” I had better go now. Looking at myself in the mirror for a second(I looked a mess) I opened my bedroom door and climbed down the stairs, and into the kitchen. I pulled a chair and sat down. “Steph? Are you feeling okay?” “I TOLD you, mummy, I am okay! Really, it was Mandy who died, not me!” Mother looked at me and then sighed. “I know you have gone through a lot, Steph, I just want you to know that your parents will be there for you if you ever feel like talking to someone.” “I appreciate it, Mummy, I really do. But I don’t want to talk about it.” “But you have to, Steph! There is the funeral tomorrow, you cant just pretend as if nothing happened!” “ok, Fine!”I snapped,”What do you want?” “I know its hard, Steph, but there will be the court proceedings. You need to be sure of what you have seen.” I stared at her,”You..you mean that I cant keep changing my statement?”     “Exactly. I know Mandy was your best friend. But you have to do what’s best for you, Steph. You have your whole life ahead of you. We don’t want you to be in any trouble with the law.” I nodded, ”I’ll be careful.”    “You trust people too easily, Steph. I heard about that reporter-“ “Mummy, please! We’ll talk later!”    “Steph, wait-“ “I am going over to Mandy’s.”    “Not Mandy, the McHughs, Steph.” “Ugh, Fine!” “Okay, but you cant go alone.”     “What? Now you are grounding me?!” “No, Steph, I just don’t want you to be alone in your present situation.” “MOM! For the last time, I am OKAY!” I ran off towards the door, that was when I heard the sob. I looked back, mummy was crying! “Mummy! Why…why are you crying?!”     “Oh, Steph. I…I am so worried about you. So worried! As soon as Jake called yesterday, I wanted to come back immediately, to make sure you are safe!” “Mummy. I am okay, please don’t cry.” “I…I feel so insecure about you, Steph. The McHughs must be so broken, but..but I am only worried about you! You are my only daughter, Steph, I wont be able to stand it if anything happened to you!”              I realized then what it was to a parent to loose a daughter. After what had happened to Mandy, it had made Mummy insecure, worried about me. “I promise, mummy, nothing’s gonna happen to me. I’ll always be here with you. Always.”     I hugged her, she wiped her tears away and smiled. “I am so sorry, it’s so silly of me, but-“    “It’s okay, mummy.”I hugged her,”I’ll be good.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” I smiled,”I’ll call Jake.”     “ Yes, you do that,” Mummy replied,” Jake’s a good boy, I liked him.” I blushed and then bent down to hide my blush; with the excuse that I was calling Jake.   "Hello, Jake?" "Yeah. Who is this?"   "It's me, Steph. As if  you dont have my name saved already!" "Ooops!Forgot! Well, why did you call?"   "Can we go over to Mandy's, Jake? The McHughs are really broken." "Whatever you say. But you'll have to come with me to see Ashley first, Steph."     "I dont  want to see her,"I replied. "Remember?"Jake said from the other end of the phone,"You said you would think about what I said?"     "Oh. Allright."I said, giving up,"When are you coming over?" "10 minutes. I'll be there."    "Good. Bye." "Bye, See ya."    I hung up the phone and looked up to see mother,"He's coming." God knew what would happen now.      Jake was over at my house, not in 10 minutes, 15, but whatever. He stood there at the door looking up at me shyly because he could see Mummy standing inside.  "Umm, so? You are coming to the hospital?" He said,I nodded.  "Yeah. But you'll have to come and meet Mummy first. You know, she's worried about me after what happened to Mandy."    Jake looked like he understood, and then walked inside and shook hands with mother.   "Hello, Mrs Moore.  So, can I take Steph over to see Ashley now? She's in the Hospital for the Mentally Unstable-"   "Hospital? But werent you two going over to visit Mandy's parents?" "We are,"Jake looked at me, I shrugged,"But we are going to go to the hospital first."    Mummy looked at me and smiled,"Oh, ok. Please take care of Steph, Jake." "Ofcourse."Jake smiled, and walked back to me.     "Bye, mummy."  "Bye, Steph. Be back soon, it's night out."     "Ok."  We walked out, Jake turned to look at me.    "Look, if Ashley says anything, think of it by her point of view, ok?" "You mean, like remember she lives in a cottage and starves thing?:     "Yes." "Ok." We both got on the bus and rached the hospital.     "Woa!"I said,"This one's bigger then that last hospital." "It's the best one in Riverdale."Jake said,"Come on. Ashley is in a ward upstairs."     We climbed up the stairs, I was getting more and more nervous with every step. A big decision lay before me, a decision that could change lots of lives. A room came into view, Jake opened the door and we went inside. There was Ashley on the bed, Mrs John was sitting on the stool beside her. And...two, two such incredibly cute little twins standing beside her. Ashley's twin brothers, I realied,they must be 11 years old.How could I do wrong to such innocent little boys?    Ashley looked up as we came in; Jake went and sat beside her; Mrs John nodded at me once and then walked out of the room, taking her twin sons with her. Not knowing what to do, I sat on the empty stool and looked at Ashley. She looked the same as ever, thin and beautiful. Except perhaps maybe a little pale.   "Ashley wants to tell you something, Steph."Jake looked at me,and mouthed'Remember?', I nodded. "Umm, what, Ash?"    "I was the one who did it," Ashely said, as if in a trance.  "The one who did what?"     "Stole your necklace and Jake's pics."I gasped, so I was right, it had been her all along,"And I thrashed your room. I wanted to break up you and Mandy, so that it would be easier for me to win the lead role, because Mandy would not perform her best."   "You-!"I stood up, Jake  was over at my side at once, saying,"Remember?" "What 'Remember?, Jake?!" I screamed,"She's the reason Mandy and I stayed mad at each other for days!"    "Steph, please. You know why  she did it."  Jake looked at me, his eyes were begging. I nodded once, Ashley continued,     "And then I realized that you and Jake were getting close, I couldn't let that happen. You had everything. Everything, Steph! And you wanted Jake too! He was the only one, the only one who was mine. My best friend, Jake. And you were trying to take him away from me too!"      I shook my head, "No, Ash, I was doing nothing of the kind-" "Come ON, just admit it!" Ashley screamed,"You liked him. I realied that. ofcourse, I loved Jake like nothing else except a brother, but when I saw  your intentions, I changed my mind. I had to make you back off, and that was the only way."   I gasped,"You..you USED jake just to make sure that I would back off?" "Not used."Ashley said,"He was in on all this."     I gasped again, and turned to look at Jake again. "You!" I accused,"You were involved in all this?"     "I only did it for Ashley." He said, as if that exlained everything.  "You FOOLED me!" I yelled.     "Yes, but I had to, Steph. Ash was hysterical, I had to help her. you dont know what its like. For her. I realized her possesiveness. That's why I did it."    I just glared at him. Ashley continued, "Then I threw your pice in that tunnel, I couldnt let ANY proof remain that you two were once together."     "You are insane!" I yelled,"Mad, Ash!"   "Well, that's why I am here, isnt it?" Ashley said bitterly,"In a mental hospital?"       "You did this all just for your stupid role?" "Yes. it was important for me, Steph. My path to fame. You HAVE to understand, Steph. I never meant to hurt Mandy more then just a few bruises here and there. I had no idea she would die. You have to help me, Steph. Please!"    "Ugh." I said, this was getting more confusing every minute." I...I have to go now. " I turned back, I heard Ash yell after me,"Please think about it, Steph, You'll be saving my life!"    Yes. yes, I would not only be saving her life, but four other lives. But was it worth to do another wrong for a person who had already done me so many wrongs?     "Mrs McHugh, are you okay?" We were  at Mandy's house now, Jake was somewhere about and I was with Mandy's mother. "No, I am so hapy you are here, Steph. Mandy loved you, so much."    "I know,"I nodded," Do you..do you want me to stay here with you,Mrs McHugh?" "Please, "She replied,"Dont call me Mrs McHugh. Call me Aunt Jenny."    "Umm, ok." I replied,"So, Aunt Jenny, do you want me to bring you anything to eat or something? You look so tired."  "No, dear. You should go home now. Your mother must be worried about you." "Ok."I nodded and got up.    "Stephanie, please be early at...at Mandy's funeral,"her voice broke as she said this,"I wouldnt be able to do it without you."   I nodded again and went over to hug her, just like Mandy hugged her. "I'll be early. Mandy meant alot to me too."     " I know."She replied.  I nodded again and then left the room, back to my own house. Once inside, I dove straight for my room, after a yell,"I am home, Mummy!" and then I was in my room, with the door locked.   Now, I had to decide soon. What do do and what not? The court had called a hearing for 15th. Today was the 13th. It was so hard to believe that on the 11th, I had just been worried about making Mandy angry at me, and now I was worried about her funeral. Strange world. You never knew what could happen next   But what should I do? All the talks that I had ever had with Ashley, Mandy and Jake were flooding my mind; and then in a moment of realiation, I knew. I knew what I was going to say when the judge called me up in court. I smiled and then fluffed the covers up my head and closed my eyes into the darkness.     "Would you like to come forward and say a few words about Mandy, Miss Moore?" It was Mandy's funeral the next day and the priest was calling me up the podium. I looked around. Almost everyone from the town was here, many reporters. My parents, Jake's. Even Ashley and her mother were here. And the cops, ofcourse. And the town people. I walked up to the podium and too the mike.  "Mandy was the best friend a girl could ever have,"I said,"Sure she was possesive, she would shout, yell, be mad at me. But over all that, she loved me. She was the sort of girl who, if she had anything against you, would say it right out infront of you. Not keep it in like sneaks."I looked over at Ashley as I said this,"She never wanted to loose, so she never gave up; until people made her. "She would always warn me, dont get too close to this person, or that person, and I never listened. But she was right. She was always right. She used to judge people correctly. She  would know their inner thoughts.  But even though they did wrong to her, she never wavered, never wavered from the path of truth, of virtue. She was, and will always be my best friend, Mandy McHugh."   I heard  alot of cheering as I walked down from the podium and over to my seat between Mummy and Mrs McHugh. There, I had done it. Paid my last respects to Mandy, may she rest in peace now. We all stood up to pray for her. The other's had  already spoken, I was the last one. And then Mandy was buried. I had a last glimpse of her, as one by one, everyone threw a handful of sand over her, and then she could be seen nomore. Mandy, my best friend, Mandy was gone. Buried, beneath the earth. Mandy was no more.     "Have a good night's sleep, Steph, you have a very busy day ahead of you."Mummy said, as she tucked me into bed that night. "Yeah." Mummy left the room. Yup, tomorrow was going to be the court hearing. Not that I was unprepared, I had learnt my statement by heart, but still. It was the law afterall. I was abit nervous. Today, the reporters had swarmed the McHugh's house. They even tried to talk to Mummy, though what information could they possibly get from her? She wasnt even there when it happened. But once the court gave it's decision, my life would be normal. Yeah, normal except that Mandy wouldn't be there.     "Dont be nervous, Steph, you just go in that little box when the judge calls you and answer every question that the lawyer asks you, Ok?" Father tried to comfort me, we were outside court the next day, and the hearing was in a few minutes. I was so nervous my hands were shaking. Mr and Mrs McHugh were here, Jake and Ash, her family and lots of other people whom I didnt recognise. And then the jury. Jake and Ash had been pestering me nonstop. They wanted to know whether or not I would give evidence against Ashley, but I wouldnt tell them.   The bell rang and we all went inside the court room, Mummy practically had to drag me because my feet had turned to stone. The court room was so big! And so official and dangerous looking! Lives were destroyed here, or saved. We took our seats. A man in the front started to speak, "We are here to find the real culprit behid the Mandy McHugh murder. Mandy McHugh, age 17, was pushed, or fell down a flight of stairs and was killed. We will now call in the defense lawyer, Steve Stifler," A man came in,"And the prosecutor, Michael Clark."   Another man came in and sat on the seat beside Mr McHugh. So Mrs John had hired a lawyer too. Duh. Ofcourse they would. The case started.   Ashley was called up in the culprit box, and then one by one, the withnesses. Mrs Wilson, Jake's mother was called too. And many others, who according to me, didn't give any useful evidence at all. And then Jake. I didnt want to hear anything that Jake said, so I closed my ears and only opened them when I heard Jake saying my name, "Steph and I were there with Mandy and Ash. It was all really a small fight, and Ashley, in a sudden burst of anger, went over to push Mandy. It was unfortunate that Mandy was standing near the stairs, which is why she fell, otherwise she would not have been very hurt. It was not intentional on Ashley's part. She did not want to kill Mandy." "Thankyou,"Mr Clark said,"And now I would like to call the second prime withness, Stephanie Moore!"   I felt all eyes on me as I got up and made my way over to the withness box. I turned back to look at Mrs John once, she seemed to be begging, that look in her eyes, begging me to save her daughter. In a flash, I remembered how mummy had been crying, so worried about me even though I was alright. Mrs John must be nuts with worry now.  But then, what about Mandy's mother? What about Mrs McHugh? She had lost her daughter.. "Ugh," I sighed as I went and stood in the box, my legs still trembling and looked up at Mr Clark.    "Your name is Stephanie Moore?" Father had warned me that there would be alot of cross questioning, I nodded, then thinking better said,"Yes."  "What is your age?" "17 years, 4 months."    "Were you there when the deed was performed?" "Yes."   "At whose house was the party?" "My friend, Jake Wilson's."    "Were his parents there?" "Umm, I dont think so." The lawyer understood my hesitation and continued,    "What exactly happened at the party?"   There. The one question I was waiting for."Mandy and I went together,"I started," Then we had a drink and I went into the living room to phone my Mother, Jake met me there, and we started talking. That was when Ashley came into the room too and the fight got heated. I ran out of the room. Outside the livig room were the stairs that led to the den, Mandy was just coming up. She saw us and asked what the matter was. She and Ashley started fighting then, and then Ashley got angry and she pushed Mandy."   "Did she push her intentionally?" I felt all of the people in the room hold their breath. I looked from Mrs John to Mrs McHugh. A mother to a mother. And then I dared a glance at Ashley, she was looking at me with tear strewn eyes. One wrong for many rights. Yes.    "No," I said, I saw Jake smiling at me encouragingly,"It was all unintentional. Ashley did want to hurt Mandy. But she did not mean to kill. She had no idea that there were stairs behind, and that by a push, Mandy could fall down the stairs and get seriously hurt."   "Oh. Then you donot hold her responsible for you friend, Mandy McHugh's death?" "No. That was all predestined. It was just fate, that Mandy happened to be there beside the stairs. If she had been standing anywhere else, she would not have been much hurt by Ashley's push. Yes, Ashley did mean to hurt her, cause her some physical injury, I know so, but she did not mean to kill."  "You dont have anything to say on this topic?" "No. Except that, even though I know that Mandy and Ashley didnot get along very well with each other, She would never want Ashley to go wrongfully into prison because of her." "Thankyou. You can go now."   I walked back towards my stage.There. I had done everything in my power. Now it was all in the hands of the judge.  "The jury will now decide whether or not Ashley John is guilty of the murder of Mandy McHugh." Oh God. Now was the moment. After a while, the judge started to speak.   "The jury has now decided, taking in mind all of the withness, that Ashley John is not guilty of the murder of Mandy McHugh." Ashley and Jake hugged each other, Mrs John started crying, the judge continued," Miss John will be subject to spend 2 months in the Riverdale Hospital for the Mentally Unstable where she will have her mind treated, and then she will be free to go. This court is now dismissed."    The jury started walking out of the courtroom. Mrs John, Ashley and Jake came running up to me. "Thankyou so much, dear,"Mrs John sopke first,"You saved my daughter's life."      I looked at Ashley, she didn't say anything, instead she came forward and hugged me, "Thankyou. Thankyou so much, Steph. You gave me my life back. I am so sorry for alll that I did with you. I am so so sorry."   I felt her hot tears against my hair and smiled, "There, there. It's okay now, Ash. Everything is okay."    Jake smiled at me,"I knew you would do it." I smiled back at him.But one thing was still not perfect. I walked over to Mrs McHugh. "Aunt Jenny," I smiled at her,"Are you angry at me?"   "No, dear. Infact, I think you did the right thing," She smiled back at me,"What Mandy would have done." Mummy and Father walked over to where I was standing and smiled, Mr and Mrs McHugh shook hands with them.   "Do you mind?" Mrs McHugh asked," Steph's our daughter now too." "Not at all."    I didnot exactly understand what they meant by that. But I knew it was something good anyway. I smiled again when I looked up and saw Jake smiling at me from the other end of the court room. Finally, everything was perfect. Sequel "Steph, come on. You are gonna be late."   I smiled as I looked up at Jake. Even though it had been months, I still couldn't get over the fact that he had grown so much. He was ever so tall and so handsome. He looked so bigger then me. It figured though. He was already 18. It was my birthday tomorrow. After Ashley had been declared innocent, we had all continued our education. Auditins had been held again, and Ashley had won that role in Mr Harry's film that had been Mandy's.  After we had finished our school, she had gone away in acting college, and Jake and I had both got admitted in Rochestar university of the Medical Sciences. That's right. We were both going to become a doctor. Since Ashley had done Mr Harry's film, The Conjuring, she had been, as predicted, cast in many other movies and Tv Serials too. Her acting career was all set. She was a famous actress now. She even had all those fans. Jake and I on the other hand, had had a nice quiet life. Mr and Mrs McHugh had accepted me as their daughter now. And though our college was in Rochestar, we would go to Riverdale every two weekends to visit our parents and Mr and Mrs McHugh.   Life was going so well now. Ashley had turned over a new leaf. She was ever so grateful to me for giving evidence in favour of her. We were very good friends now. And ofcourse, her and Jake were now over. They had never been. Jake and I still hadnt talked openly about how we felt about each other since that day in the living room of his house. Anyways, tomorrow was the 16th of February. It was my birthday. We had already celebrated Jake's birthday on the 7th of December. On honour of my birthday, Ashley was flying in from Los Angeles, where she was currently shooting a show, me and Jake were going back to Riverdale and we were all going to have this big birthday party at my house.  I had never felt so happier in all my life. Soon, though it would be a year since Mandy had died. Though we had all moved on, we had never forgotten Mandy.  "Stephanie Moore," Jake was getting annoyed now,"Do you need a written invitation?"  I laughed,"Chill, Jakey, I am coming." It was so unbelievable that I was once disgusted that Ashley had called Jake Jakey. Now I loved that nicname and teased him with that. He hated that name. He glared at me now. Gosh, even while glaring he looked so cute. "Well, Stephy, make it quick." That was the nick name he had invented for me. Even though I already had a perfectly good nick name, Steph. But he was just annoyed. I laughed again, "Come on, let's go." I followed him  and entered the aeroplane. We were flying back to Riverdale. We normally went by bus, but as we wanted to get back to home early, we were flying. "I'll have the window seat!" I yelled, and then not giving Jake a chance to contraduict, ran and sat down by the window. "Hah!" I announced triumphantly. Jalke smiled at me, "Well, Steph, I hate to disappoint you, but that's not our seat. Our's is behind." "Oho."   I tried to get up quickly and sit on the window seat but Jake was already sitting there. I made my most innocent face and said, "Pleeeasee, Jakey?" "Oh. Alright."   Jake sighed as he shifted over and let me sit in the window seat and then smiled. "It's going to be an hour flight. Have some sleep."   I nodded, and then looked out of the window. The plane had started, and the streets were whizing by, soon nothing was visible except clouds here and there. I closed my eyes and smiled. Life was a bliss.   "Oh, Steph, I am so glad to see you! It's been so long!" Mummy rushed up to me as me and Jake opened the door to my house. I smiled sideways at Jake. This was the same routine. Everytime we would meet our parents, they would say it had been so long even though it had only been two weeks. Jake said this was because as we were busy in our studies, we didn't realize the  time passing. But our parents had to wait two whole weeks to see their children.  "Yeah, Mummy, I am happy to see you too." I turned to look at Jake, "Are you staying?"    "No. I'll come over early tomorrow. ok?" "Ok. Bye."    "bye, Mrs Moore." Jake waved once at Mummy, and then he was gone.    "He's such a nice boy." My mother said wistfully after him. I smiled, Yes, he was.   "Steph,you must be tired. you should go rest."  "That's a good idea." I said and climbed upto my room. It was the same as ever, Mummy had kept it so neat. As if someone actually lived here. Well, I would be living here. For three days atleast. Jake and I were going back on the 18th.   I sunk myself deep in my pillow and smiled again. It was so strange, nowadays, I could find a reason to smile at everything. Well, why shouldn't I? I had helped Ashley, she had  money now. Her brothers were both studying in a very good school now. And such cute little kids they were. Ashley had celebrated their 12th birthday, and invited all their famous actors and actresses. Frankly speaking, she had money now. Her mother would often come to visit us too. We were all on very good terms now. Mr McHugh and Aunt Jenny were sort of my parents now. Even though I lived  with Mummy and Father when we came from Rochestor, we would still go to visit them.   A smile came on my lips again as I sank into sweet sleep.     "Throw it on her." "No, no, she'll wake up."   "We WANT her to wake up, Jake, come on, let me do it, this task is not for the light hearted." "Light hearted? As if YOU are vey brave, Ash."    I could hear whispering as I tried to go back to my dream. Such a nice dreaming it was too, two rabbits were floating on a lake. Wait! Two rabbits couldnt float on a lake, could they? And then these rabbits pounced on my face and they were so cold, I shivered and woke up with a start.  "Huh?"I could feel cold water over me, and then when my eyes came into focus, I saw Jake and Ash standing on my bedside. I instantly felt angry. How dare they throw cold water over me?   "You guys," I started, Jake backed off, but  Ash stood there, smiling like an idiot,"Is this ANY way to wake up someone..aaah!"   Ash had thrown water over me again. I was ready to rip her apart when my eyes again came into focus when I saw mummy, father, Mandy's parents, Mrs John, Steve and Fred( Ashley's twin brothers) standing behind her in the room too. And then a loud yelling of, "Happy Birthday!!!!!!!"   And then everyone was hugging me one by one and I was smiling, Jake hugged me the hardest and the longest. And then they stuffed cake in my mouth and all over my face.   "This is incredible!" I smiled as I plastered cake cream all over Jake's face. He got me right back and got cream all over my hair.    Ashley made an arm gesture as if speaking in front of a camera,"So, my dear people, this is the official waking up 18th Birthday of Stephanie Moore!" She ducked as I threw cake over her,"The official Birthday Party will be held at The Moore house. It will start at 2. Stay tuned for more-"   This time I got her full in the face. She made a face as she looked at me from behind the cream. I looked around at my room. It was a mess now, cream and cake here and there, but I didn't care. Whatever. I was much too happy now. This was my best Birthday ever!   "So, what's for breakfast?" I said, smiling at everyone. "What would you like, your Higness?" Jake said, bowing infront of me.   I smiled,"Ummm, blueberry pancakes?"  "Then blueberry pancakes it is! Anything else?" He said, lookking at me all innocently, I laughed.    "Nope. All's good." Laughing and smiling, we made our way over to the kitchen, where everywhere sat in different places. Our normally empty kitchen was now filled with happy, smiling people. As promised, I had blueberry pancakes and grape juice, Then we made our plans for the day. Jake and Ash made plans actually, as they would still not tell me what they were going to give me.  I could hardly wait for 2. It came soon enough. Mummy had got me a satin dress for my Birthday party. It was creamy pink. It was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen, and with a little makeup and hairdo, I looked, hopefully good. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I had a feeling, a feeling that today was going to be special. Something good would happen to me today. I was sure of it. "Steph, come on down. The guests are starting to arrive."   "Coming, Mother!" I called back. hmmm..I looked good. Time to make my grand entrance. I climbed down the stairs, there was everyone waiting for me. Jake looked more handsome then ever. He had decided to wear a suit to honour the occasion. Ashley, even, looked more beautiful, though that couldnt possibly be. She was already so beautiful. There was a loud chorus of 'Happy Birthday!' as I came down.  Then we cut the cake. I gave the first bite to Mummy, the second to Aunt Jenny, then Father, and then Jake. He smiled and then stuffed the leftover in my mouth.Ashley smiled through all this. She was over it now. Soon, it was time to open the presents. "So, which one is this from?"I said, pointing to a large wrapped box which sat in the middle of the table.   "It's from us, dear." Aunt Jenny said, pointing to her and Mr McHugh. I hadn't gotten as unformal to call him uncle yet. "Oh. Ok."I nodded,"Jake, which one's yours?"   "I am not gonna tell you. I havent even signed my name. You'll know it when you see it." "Oh. Alright." I reached out for a box and unwrapped it, it was a new camera. The one you see in all those grand shops."To Steph, with love, Mummy and Father."I read and smiled, then went over to Mummy and hugged her. The next gift was from Mandy's parents, it was a big drum. Not very big, but the size I had always wanted. I went over to hug her too. After many other presents, I finally got my hand on Ashley's. I smiled as I unwrapped it. God knew what she would have got me. It was a book, I saw, disappointed. "Book?" I said. "Not a book, silly, it's a photo album." Ashley replied,"Open it and you'll see."    "Oh." I opened the album. I could see instantly what had inspired Ash to give me this. There were chapters within the album, like in Best Friends column, there were all these pictures of me and Mandy, and some of me and Jake("I salvaged them from the tunnel" Ashley admitted, embarassed.). And then in the Best Family section, these were all these photos of Mummy, me and Father. I turned another page.  It said Best Ever Couple. I looked up at Ash in confusion. I had never went out with anyone. She smiled at me and mouthed,"Turn Over."  I turned over the page and gasped. They were all pictures of me and Jake. And not old either. Recent pics. Infront of our college. At my house. And labeled under Best Ever Couple! I shut the album quickly and looked at Ashley. She smiled. "Thanks,"I smiled,"But what about that?"   "You'll soon know." She said, all mysteriously. "Where's your gift,Jake?"I said,"No gift is left now."     "Come with me, I'll give it you." Jake said and smiled. "Umm, okay."   We walked out of the house and around the garden.    "So,"I said,"Where's my gift?" "I... i want you tell me something first, Steph,"at this point, Jake took my hand,"Do you like me...like really like me?"      I looked up at him. For once in my life, I wanted to tell the truth. "Yes," I said, and looked down.    "Then why didn't you say?" "Because you obviously liked Ash, didn't you?" I cried,"Always, you have been so friendly with each other, and I know you would never go out with me, because you dont like me-"   At this point, I was stopped. Stopped because Jake had dropped my hand and instead put his around my neck and we were kissing! Kissing! I kissed him right back becasue I thought this was the only time in my life that I would get this opportunity. We broke apart after a while, "Are you totally mad?" Jake said,"I have always liked you.Always! I told you, that thing with Ashley was all fake. I have always just liked you!"   "Really?" "Really, Steph."   "Oh! I am so happy, Jake. But, what did you promise Ash? That she always kept reminding you of?" "Oh, that. Nothing. I only promised her that I would always do whatever she said. I love her like a sister."   "She knew about this?" "Yup. And here's your gift."     I unwrapped it, it was a ring. Not an engagement ring or anything. But, just that. A ring. With the name Steph printed on it. In emerald. I knew instantly what it meant. I fell in Jake's arms at once. "Thankyou!Thankyou so much, Jake! I am so happy!"    "You deserve to be." I smiled and then we went inside, hand in hand. Ashley noticed and smiled at us. We were together now.     It was two days later and I was standing before Mandy's grave. I was in the graveyard, with Jake. We were going to go back to Rochestor tommorow. I stared at the grave. "Mandy McHugh,"It said,"1995-2013. May she rest in peace."  A tear dropped from my eyes, Jake tightened his hug around me. I bent down and placed flowers around the grave. And then I started sobbing in Jake's chest. "Hush...it's okay. You cant bring her back now by crying, Steph."   I nodded,"But I so miss her!"    "I know. But she's gone now, Steph. Gone where you can never see her again." I nodded again, yes. Mandy was no more, She was just a memory now,a hapy memory.    "But we are here, Steph. We are both alive. Together."   I smiled and looked up at him,"Yes, Jake. We are here. Together."    And then we turned and made our way out of the graveyard and towards the aiprt where was the plane that would take us back to Rochestor. Back to our dreams. Yes, I smiled again as we walked together. Ready to face all the challenges that life would throw at us. Together. Text: Ayesha Azhar Images: Ayesha Azhar Editing: Ayesha Azhar Translation: Ayesha Azhar All rights reserved. Publication Date: July 26th 2017 https://www.bookrix.com/-gq97d192a701d25

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-by-lurlene-mcdaniel-angels-in-pink-raina-039-s-story/

By: Lurlene McDaniel Angels in Pink: Raina's Story One "Is everything all right?" Raina St. James asked as soon as Kathleen McKensie had climbed into the car and shut the door. "Sure," Kathleen said halfheartedly, turning her head so that Raina couldn't see her eyes filling with moisture. "Everything's fine. It's hard coming here, that's all." She had just toured the inside of her home while her friends waited for her in the car. She'd gone from room to room checking everything out, as she had every day for the past few weeks. Nothing was disturbed. Everything looked orderly and, except for some dust buildup, seemed the same as when she had been living there. From the backseat, Holly Harrison reached out and patted Kathleen's shoulder. "Your mom won't be in the hospital forever. Didn't you say Dr. Kiefer was thinking of transferring her to the rehab center this week?" Kathleen nodded, still gazing longingly out the car window at the front of her home. "It's just that I can't remember one time that my mom wasn't around for a first day of school. Ever since kindergarten." "Well, we're here for you now, girlfriend," Raina said, backing her car out of the driveway. "And...and I appreciate it," Kathleen said, finding a tissue and dabbing her eyes. She knew that Raina could have gone to shcool that mourning with her boyfriend, Hunter, Holly's brother, but Raina had elected instead to face day one of their junior year with her best friends. Twisting in her seat, Kathleen told Holly, "And I know your mom tried hard to make the day special for us. It was nice of her to make waffles for breakfast because she knows I like them." For the past several weeks, while her mother recovered from heart surbery, Kathleen had lived with Holly and her family. Because her father had died tragically years before, she and Mary Ellen had only each other. It had been fun being a part of Holly's family, but Kathleen was ready to go home. Only, her mother had weeks of rehabilitation to go through first, and Kathleen had to remain at Holly's. "Mom lives to force-feed her family," Holly said, bulging her cheecks out in an exaggerated imitation of overeating. "I could have done just fine with cereal. The first day of school always makes me nervous, and when I'm nervous, I get sick to my stomach." "Not in my car," Raina said, glancing in the rearview mirror at Holly. "Day one makes me excitted," she added. "According to my schedule sheet, I can meet Hunter between three classes." "Whoopee," Holly said wihtout enthusiasm. "We get to meet him coming out of the bathroom every morning. Not a pretty sight." This made Kathleen smile. "It's not that bad, Raina." "And don't think I'm not jealous about it either." Raina was crazy about Hunter, now a senior at their high school, and she couldn't imagine facing the next year without him when he went off to college. "Speaking of boyfriends, what do you hear from Carson? I guess today's his first day too." "He called last night," Kathleen said. "To wish me luck." Since Carson Kiefer attended the prestigious Bryce Academy on the other side of Tampa, she didn't expect to see him often. She figured it was only a matter of time before he forgot about her completely. Wasn't that what the nasty-tempered Stephanie Marlow had predicted to Kathleen at the end-of-the-year banquet for the Pink Angels hospital volunteers just a couple of weeks before? The words buzzed in her memory. "Don't think that just because he's fooled around with you all summer, I'm out of the picture. Thsi has happened before, you know. He finds some new little plaything for a few months and keeps himself busy. But he always comes back to me." "Why don't you invite him to our first football game next Friday night? You can double with me and Hunter." Raina's voice pulled Kathleen into the present. "Maybe I will. He told me he likes the two of you." Publication Date: February 6th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-justhtawsm116

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-dark1995-so-you-love-me-now-well-i-hate-you-now/

dark1995 So you love me now? - Well i hate you now! I am no more the nerd you knew Hannah's POV Why do I have to move back here? Where he is? The person that broke my heart and humiliated me. The person who crushed my heart, made fun of me and who is at fault that I was nearly raped. Right now my new school. The school where my first love and the person who ruined my life is, and that person is Mike Megal. The flashbacks flow inside my head. [Flashback] There I see him in the middle of hall. Today is valentines day and I am about to confess to him. I gather all my courage and go to him. I stand in front of him with my hands shaking a bit. Slowly I look up at him and our eyes meet. -I l...I…like you.- I said with quiet voice. There is pure quiet for few seconds. And then I hear what I feared the most. -Are you freaking kidding me ? Do you think I am an idiot? Listen clearly here you nerd bitch, there is no fucking way I would ever be with you.- He said and pushed me away. I heard everybody laugh and my heart brake in thousand peaces. I felt sharp pain when somebody suddenly kicked my back and when I looked up I saw our schools quinka Linzy. Soon many other hits followed and I felt tears fall from my eyes. I looked up and everybody was blurry but I could see smile on Mike’s face. I saw him walk away and laughing. I don’t know for how long the kick continued but to me it seemed like ages till I heard my only friends voice. -You freaks get away from her!!!- My best and only friends, Lucas said. I felt somebody touch my back and when I looked up I saw Lucas’s sweet face. -Mu…- I said weakly and fell in his arms. -Those bastards!! I am sorry for not coming sooner.- Lucas said and picked me up and carried me to infirmary. Lucas was my only friend, he was only who didn’t turn back on me when my bullying started. He always protected me. [Flashback end’s] After that incident my bullying got even worst. The near rape incident made my parents move me to Korea for five years. My mom , Kathy, cried every night, saying that she is bad mother for not protecting me. My dad was looking strong but sometimes I could hear him cry as well. [Flashback] Our PE just ended and I was only one left in locker room. -Look who we have hear? The nerds bitch.- I heard some voices and when I turned around I saw three seniors. They where smirking and I felt shivers run through my spine. I quickly grabbed my bag and tried to leave but one of them grabbed me by hand and pushed me against the wall. I fell on the ground and I felt them grab my hands and tie them behind my back. -Let’s have some fun hear.- Said one of the seniors and turned me around and pushed me against wall harshly. -N…no…pl..plea…please…le..let me g…go…- I stuttered in fear. I felt burn on my left cheek and I could taste the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. Tears started to poor out of my eyes. -Shut up you bitch!- yelled the senior that was holding my from moving. I started to struggle when I felt one of seniors hands move under my shirt. I felt fear and disgust when he did that. I started to cry out loudly and begged for them to stop but once again I was hit. The guy cursed and ripped my shirt open. My tears stained my cheeks and traveled down my neck. The taste of blood mixed with my tears and I felt the urge to vomit. My fear and panic grew bigger when I saw the eyes of senior. They where full of hunger and something that I couldn’t explain. -NO!!! LET ME GO!!!- I yelled and tried to free my hands but then I felt on of the seniors grab me by my hair and then they hit my head against wall harshly. I felt warm blood flow down the side of my forehead. The fear and pain took over my body and the only thing I could do was cry. I felt one of the seniors go down to my pants and unbutton them. My body didn’t listen to me. I wanted to fight against them but the pain was too much for me to bear. -YOU BASTARDS LET HIM GO!!- I heard Lucas’s voice and I knew I was saved. I let my eyes close and the only sound I heard for next ten minutes was punches and cursing. -Lucas take him away.- I heard Lucas's brother, Jim’s voice. Strange, Jim never liked me so why is he helping. -I’m sorry for not protecting you.- I heard Lucas's voice that full of saddens and then I felt something cover my body and untie my hands. -I will deal with them, you take the poor kid home and it would be better if you tell his parents what happened. He cant keep up with this.- I heard Jim’s voice but then I didn’t hear anything, only dripping of my blood. [End of flashback] Luca did tell my parents about this and Kathy immediately transferred me to school in Korea and we moved there. Now after five years I am finally back. Changed. I don’t wear my glasses anymore. I have blonde hair in place of black pony tail . My new uniform looks perfectly on me with my black jacket, that has silver colored flower with silver feathers on my right chest pocket, open and my shirt that has two from top open. The shirt goes till lower then my hips and i have black short skirt, wearing black high heels. I walk confidently in the school’s building and head to my new classroom. At least I know that Lucas is there waiting for me. I reach the classrooms doors and open them. I am greeted by teachers warm smile and she invites me in. -This is your new classmate, she transferred here from Korea so please be nice to her. Now introduce yourself and then go sit next to Lucas.- Teacher said and smiled. -wow she is so hot.- -Man I would go crazy from her.- -Shee is so cute.- -is she even a girl? She's more like angel.- I heard whispers. They really didn’t know who I am. But I know who are they. They are the people who bullied him. -Hello everyone, my name is Hannah Mindey and with many of you I was classmates in middle school.- As soon as these words left my mouth, every bodies eyes widened and I could hear gasping. And then my eyes landed and two persons that I hated the most. Mike and Kevin. I smirked when I saw the shocked expressions on their faces. -Hannie!!!- I looked to my right and saw smiling Lucas. He is the only one who knew that I am coming back, this is gonna be fun. Chapter 2 Hannah’s POV I walked and sat down next to Lucas who hugged me tightly and I hugged him back. He smiled at me. -I missed you Hannah.- He said happily. -I missed you too.- I said and smiled at him. -Lucas, Hannah. Quiet!- our teacher said and we slightly bowed and kept quiet for the rest of the of the lesson. All the time while lesson kept going I kept feeling stares on my back. It actually felt really uncomfortable. I turned around and saw both Mike and Kevin looking at me. Mike had black hair and his well built body could bee seen even thought he whore the uniform, Kevin on other hand had blonde hair and he as well had well built body. . They where getting on my nerves so I decided to do something to piss them of more. I gathered all my strength and courage and showed them “finger”. Now Kevin was looking at me with shocked expression while Mike’s shocked expression soon became into smirk. I turned my attention back to teacher who was teaching class. Soon the lesson ended and I packed my bag. I wanted to ask Lucas where is our next class but he grabbed me by my hand and dragged me away. He dragged me all the way to the rooftop. -Lucas, aren’t we supposed to go to our next lesson?- I asked him but he just smiled. -Let’s skip it. I haven’t seen you for five damn years!- He happily exclaimed and hugged me. I smiled and hugged him back. -I missed you too.- i said and I felt the hug tighten. After hugging for few minutes we finally parted away and sat on the ground. -So tell, what happened to you in these five years.- Lucas said and put his head in my lap. I sighted and closed my eyes. -It was okay.- I said trying to avoid the subject but guess he knew that. -Hannah, please tell me the truth.- He said and I took deep breath. -Okay.at first my mom wanted to transfer me alone but for first three years she and dad came with me. For two years I couldn’t step out of my new house. I was scared and I guess I gave in to the fear. My mom hired best home school teacher but all of them where women because I was scared of being touched by another male. The only person who could do it was my dad and cousin. For two years I never took step outside the house and I spent my days in my room listening to music. For few month’s I couldn’t even sleep. I would wake up in the middle of night screaming and crying. I had nightmares every time I closed my eyes and in the beginning my mom always slept next to me. Honestly my nightmare never ended. Even now there are time when I have those dreams and fear and paranoia takes over me.- I said and opened my eyes to look at bright blue sky. -Hanna…sorry…- Lucas said and I just patted his head. -It’s not your fault Lu. After two years of being in the house I decided to take my first steps outside. I went out without saying anything to my parents. I walked around and saw park so I went there. It was so beautiful there and also there I met my first friend in Korea. He was a guy. He was nice to me even thought I was just stranger. At first I still couldn’t be able to let him touch me and he understood it. We talked for hours and we became friend. When I went home I saw crying mom and dad and only then I understood that I have to get better so I tried to do it. Me and that person met everyday in the park and slowly he helped me overcome my fear. He said that I have to be strong not only for myself but also for people dear to me, because they are in pain as well. Slowly I did it. I started going to school and made new friends.Soon after that my parents came back because of the business. I changed myself in order to get stronger but I still think that I am weak. That person is still my friend and I still met him every day at park, I even told him that I am mowing back to Korea but never once did he tell me his name. I called him Moko.- I said and looked at Lucas. He had painful expression on his face. One full of regret and sorrow. -Lu, don’t make that face. Nothing is your fault, you actually saved me. If it weren’t for you then I would have probably…- I was cut of by doors of rooftop opening and when I looked in the door direction I saw Kevin there. -Kevin…- I heard Lucas say. So they call him like that. -Lu, I will go and look around, okay?- I asked and he nodded unwillingly.’ I rifled his hair with smiled and he sat up removing his head from my lap. I smiled and stood up. I took my bag and walked in the direction of doors while Howon or Hoya walked straight at me. He stopped right in front of me. -Move.- I said with cold tone. - I want to talk.- He said firmly, I laughed. -You, all mighty Kevin, want to talk to me? Wow just because you are kinga hear you think I will feel happy because you want to talk to me? Well I got news for you, I don’t want to talk or see you. It’s enough that we are classmates.- I said and was about to walk away when he grabbed me by my hand and turned to face him. -I’m sorry.- he said and this made me laugh even more. -Heh, you weren’t sorry when everybody used to beat me up and call me names. You weren’t sorry when those bustards tried to rape me. You weren’t sorry when you decided to abandon somebody who despite you being poor was willing to be your friend wholeheartedly. You weren’t sorry when your father got rich and you ignored me. So don’t dare to say that word because know that I will never forgive anyone who used to hurt me.- I said and pulled my hand out of his grip. I walked till the door and then turned around. -And so just so you know I HATE YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY.- I said and walked away. While walking around this new school memories of me being bullied flowed in my head an suddenly I heard oh so familiar cheers. This time it wasn’t memory, somebody was being bullied it just like I was. I looked to my right and saw crowd of people. I walked closer and there I saw Mike with girls all over him smirking and looking at boy, who was crying and holding his books and broken glasses. I felt rage boil inside of me. Nothing has changed. If it is not me then it is somebody else. I saw people just walking by or looking with pity in their eyes. I detest these people even more. They are not laughing but they are just watching. They are even worse for those who are laughing. I decided to step in. I walked true the crowd of people and bended down in front of the crying boy. -Here, let me help you.- I said and took some of his textbooks. I saw boys shocked expression. I smiled and helped him up. -let’s go.- I saw and glared at the crowd that was now silent. Slowly they made path for me and the boy. We started waling until I heard his, Mike’s, voice. -What do you think you are doing? I am not finished with him.- he said and showed the girls away. I felt the boy tremble and I pushed him behind my back. -You are lower that dog.- I said and slapped him hard. Chapter 3 Hanna’s POV -You are lower than dog.- I said and slapped him hard. I heard loud gasps and everybody had their eyes widened. I kept looking straight at Mike who was the most shocked. He looked at me with widened eyes. -What? What you gonna do to me after I hit you, Mike? Are you going to order for somebody to beat me up like in middle school? Hah, I will tell you one thing, never again will I fear you or let you do the same of what you did to me!! Never!! I wont let you ruin somebody’s life just because you are a arrogant spoiled brainless idiot, who dosent care about anything but who would be next person that you would fuck.- I said and his eyes grew even wider. I didn’t even wait for his reply when I turned around, grabbed boys arm and dragged him away from that place. -Hey, where is the infirmary?- I asked him when I saw his bleeding hand that started to stain his textbooks. -Eh? Do…down the h…hall…first floor a…and left.- He stuttered. I nodded and dragged him even faster. We quickly reached infirmary and when we entered I saw that there was nobody there. I sighted and made boy sit on one of the beds. I went to search for some medicine to apply on his wound and also bandages. -take of your jacket.- I ordered him and he did as I told him. i rolled up his shirt and then cleaned his wound with water. It wasn’t that bad. I bandaged his wound and then smiled at him. -Thank you.- he said quietly and lowered his head. -But you shouldn’t have done that. Now they will probably bully you as well.- he said in sad tone. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked straight in his eyes. -Listen to me. I helped you from my own free will and I am not afraid of those like him. Also, where are your friends, why weren’t they helping you?- I asked and I saw tears swell up in his brown eyes. - I don’t have any. Nobody wants to get bullied so they avoid me.- he said with broken voice. -Than meet me, Hanna Mindey, your new friend.- I said with big smile and I saw his eyes widen. He looked in disbelief at me but soon he burst out in tears and hugged me. -Thank you.- he cried while hugging me and I hugged him back. -Also soon you will have another friend. I have known him since I was in middle school.- I said when he finally stopped crying and released me from hug. -Are you sure he will want to be my friend?- he asked shyly. He was so cute. -Yup, when I was in middle school I was also bullied by the same jerk as you but that person was the only friend who didn’t abandon me and he even helped me. You don’t need to worry about him.- I said with reassuring smile. He smiled and hugged me once again. -Oh by the way, what’s your name?- I asked and looked at him. -Nick.- he said with smile. -Hehe you have any siblings?- I asked him as I got more comfy on the infirmary bed. -Yup, I have older brother, who came form Kore yesterday and he will come to this school in three days..- he said with smile. -really, that’s cool. I have friend in Korea but I never got to know his name. I always called him Moko.- I said and heard bell rang. -You should go now, I will be fine.- Nick said and I nodded. -Bye bye Nick.- I waved him goodbye and run off. After looking in schedule I saw that my next lesson is PE, I remembered where the dressing rooms where from what Luca told and quickly run to get changed. I quickly changed in plain black sleeveless v-neck t-shirt and black short. I pulled my hair in pony tail and run to gym. -Hannie!!- I hear Luca yell and I smiled. I run to him and saw that there was another guy standing next to him. He smiled at me and I smiled back. -Hannie, meet Ed, he is captain of basketball team that I am in. Ed, this is my best friend who just came back from Korea.- Luca introduced us and I shook hands with him. Soon I heard girls yell and scream and when I looked up, I saw Mike and Kevin enter the gym. Just grate. Soon after that teacher came and told that we will be playing dodge ball. Teacher assigned captains and they where Mike and Kevin. I was in the same team as Mike, but lucky for me so was Luca and Ed. After fifteen minutes in game, our team only had left me, Luca and Mike. In our team every girl except for me where hit out first. On Other team was Kevin and five other guys. Ed was hit out when he protected me from the ball. I was really athletic to begin with and I liked playing dodge ball. Soon I had ball and I hit out Kevin. Everybody was amazed and guys from my team, who where out, cheered for me. Mike had ball and soon I felt big pain on the back of my head and I fell on the ground harshly. -What’s your problem!?- I heard Luca yell. What happened? Chapter 4 Hannah’s POV :uca helped me to walk till locker room because my head was still hurting and I felt really dizzy. -Hannah, lie down, I will get some ice for you.-Luca said and I lead on the bench and closed my eyes. -I will be back soon.- he said and I juts nodded. After few minutes I heard doors open and somebody walking to me. I wanted to open my eyes but a warm hand covered them. Then it mowed to my forehead and then it gently and slowly rubbed my hurting side. The hand was warm and gentle. -Sorry.- the voice said and I realized that it wasn’t Luca. I opened my eyes and saw Kevin looking at my with eyes full of hurt, pain, sadness and love. I brushed his hand away and quickly sat up. Wrong move. My dizziness grew and I felt my body falling but Kevin caught me. He didn’t say a word and helped me lean against the wall. He sat down next to me and held me from falling down. I didn’t say anything to him. I felt his eyes looking at me but I ignored him. -Hannah I…- he wanted to say something but I cut him of. -Don’t. Don’t say anything. It is hard for me to be near you so please just let me be. Plus leave, this is girl locker room.- I said and closed my eyes. -I cant. Please don’t ignore me.- he said in broken voice. -Kevin I said…- he cut me of. -Please Hannah, I am sorry for what I did. I really am. Please forgive me and give another chance.- he begged. -I cant. Not after what I have been true. Understand me and leave alone.- I said and I felt tear slid down my face. I never thought that it would be this hard to face him. I opened my eyes when I felt him standing up. -What do you want for me to do? If you want I will beg on my knees in front of entire school.- he said with pained expression. I wanted to answer but Luca entered. I looked at him and he looked at me and then at Kevin. -Leave.- I said and turned my head away so I would be facing him. He looked at me once again before leaving. Luca didn’t say anything and came to me. He gently put the ice on my hurting side of head and I smiled at him weakly. Kevin’s POV I walked out of locker room and headed to one place that I felt I would be free. Rooftop. I quickly run there and when I opened doors I saw nobody there. I took few steps further and then I fell on my knees. Tears falling from my eyes. I was crying. I haven’t cried for so long. I remember when I cried when my mom passed away the one who comforted me was Hannah. I have loved her ever since then. I wasn’t rich when I was small kid and Hannah was the only person who wanted to be my friend. I know I did wrong. I know that and I regret it so fucking much. I wish I could go back to past. I wish I would have never left her when we entered muddle school. I wish I would have been the one protecting her from bullying. But I didn’t. I was coward and now Hannah hates me. She wont forgive me and I know I deserve this. Remembering what Hannah told Luca about the time she was in America. I never knew that she suffered so much. I feel like the lowest of them all. I have always loved her but never once did I have courage to protect her. Why was I such a coward? What can I do to make her forgive and love me again? Mike’s POV -Mike, you are so hot!!- I heard one of annoying sluts say but I juts ignored it. I kept walking till I reached out now empty classroom. I sat in my seat and banged my head against the table. -WHY THE HELL DID I APOLOGIZED TO HER!!??- I yelled out loudly. Why? Of course I hit her with the ball because she insulted me but why did I apologize? Argh! I banged my head against the table once again. I leaned back in my seat and looked at ceiling. I have to admit it. She has become so beautiful. I never thought that she would come back after I paid those guys to rape her. But honestly I am happy that her friend saved her. I was so shocked to see her back and this beautiful. Never once did I thought that she would become this beautiful. I knew she was beautiful and that’s why I bullied her, but never I would I have guessed this. On top of that she saved my new toy that I bullied and she even insulted me. She sure is the first to do that. She has changed so much. -AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!- I yelled loudly. Even so, why did I say that I am sorry? Why didn’t I just laugh at her and why did my heart hurt to see her hurt like that? I cant be liking her! I already got rid of my feelings for her after she left!! I cant fall for her again!! But she is so beautiful…NO!! I Can’t!! -L!- I heard my newest girlfriends, Sarah’s voice. I looked at her and she run and sat next to me. She tried to act cute and it was so annoying. She hugged my hand and kissed me on cheek. -Mike, let’s go on a date.- She said in really girly voice that sounded so disgusting. …you are an arrogant spoiled brainless idiot, who doesn’t care about anything but who would be next person that you would fuck…. Suddenly her words run through my head. -it’s over slut.- I said to the girl and pushed her of me. -Wh…why?- she said with fake tears in her eyes. -heh because you are a slut and I’m not into sluts.- I said and smirked at her. Soon I saw a smirk on her face as she moved closer to me and unbuttoned top two buttons of her shirt. -Mike, then let’s have some fun, what do you say?- she said and leaned closer to me. -What a slut.- I said and pushed her of and walked to doors. -You won’t find anyone better then me!! Every girl is the same here, you know because you have fucked half of them. You know that I am the best you can get in this place so why not take it.- She said with smirk and sat on my chair, crossing her legs and playing with her hair. Hannah’s face appeared in my head. - I already have seen better.- I said and walked away. While walking true hallway I couldn’t think o logical reason why I rejected her. Seriously she was the biggest slut and the best in bed in entire school so why did I reject her? If it would have happened before I would have banged her countless times but now when she is offering herself I just reject her? And why the hell that Hannah’s face appeared in my head when she said there is no one better? SHIT!! What is happening to me? Text: the copyrights belong to me dark1995 or on other site (AFF) known as 1995dark. All rights reserved. Publication Date: March 11th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-dark1995

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-brooke-m-awakend/

Brooke .M. Awakend High School. I Woke Up From A Nightmare Screaming, Again. I Was Breathing Heavily With My Hair hung Over My Face Almost Shedding A Tear. I Leaned Up And Reached For My Blanket; Twisting It To The Side And Over My Body. Placing One Foot At A Time On the Wooden Floor I Stood Up And Walked To My Dresser. I Threw On A Tank Top, A Pair Of Black Ripped Jeans, And a Baggy Sweater Then Walked Down Stairs. I Went To The Kitchen To Get Some Water, I Was Opening The Fridge, Until i Seen My Drunk, Asshole Dad. I Slammed It Shut A Practically Sprinted Out Of The Kitchen, Just As I got My Shoes On And Was Ready And Near the Door He Yelled; "Bitch! get your Ass In Here And Make Me Some Food!". I Looked Back And Paused For A Moment. I Was Going To Say something; To Make Him Wish He'd Never Said that, but I Didn’t. Instead I Turned Towards the Door and Ran To School. No-One Was Outside The School Doors. Sliding My Worn Out Converse Across The School Hallway I Come to A Screech When i Hit My Locker. I Whip It Open And Grab My books With Intense Power. I Slammed It Shut And With A Quick Speed I Went To My First Class. I Stopped At The Third Door And Looked Up At The Black Plack On The Door, It Read; "Art Room". I Turned The Knob And Opened The Door To The Direct Attention of The All The Students. I Hate Being Centre Of Attention, it Makes Me Sick To My Stomach knowing Students Have A Chance To Say Things Like "Why You Late? Busy Cutting Again?" Or Just Plain Old Un-Original "Emo Girl". While Looking At The Floor I Lifted My Hood Up And Walked To The Back Of The Room To My Assigned Seat. The Teacher Mr. Wheeling Then Said after An Awkward Silence "Hood Off, Allie" After He Looked Away I Lifted my Hood Back up And Over My Straight, Long Black Hair. Periods Went By And Bells Rang. I Sit In the Back Of each Class So As usual I Sat In My Seat, Took Out My Books And Waited For The Intensily boring Lesson From My Fucked Up Teachers. When Class Ended I Got Up Sliding My Books Off the Corner Of My Desk. I Was The First Out Of The Doors, And When i Got To My Locker I Dragged Out My Bag From The Bottom And Slapped It Over My Back. My Bag Is Really old, Ive Had The Same One For 4 Years. My Mom Bought It For Me Its A Plain Black Soft Material Bag. Its All i Have Left of Her Since she Died. I Was Walking Towards The School Doors, How happy I Was To Get Out Of School, But How Scared I Was To Go Home. Just Before Hitting The Blue Metal Doors My Bag Decided To Rip From The Bottom Revealing My Many Sketch Pads, Note Books And My Sharpe Blade. I Ruffled Up The Papers And Books From The Floor; Probraly Ruining Some Of My Art Work But I Didnt Care. I Was In Search Of My Blade And When I Found It I Picked It up And Stormed Out Of The Door. I Heard My Name Being Called But I Didnt Look Back To See I Just Walked Down The Street. I Walked Down The Road Till I Seen My House. My Dad Was On the Porch With His Friend Rob. Beer Bottles Every Where. I Quickly Turned Away hoping That He Wouldnt Notice Me But Of Corse; He Did. He Seen My Head Bow Down To The SideWalk And i Sped Down The Road. Screaming In An Intense Strong Loud Voice The Words "You Fucking Slut, Get In Here Right Now!" Echo'ed The Street. I Came To A Stop And Turned Back. My Dad Has Always Been Open About His Life, No Secrets, No Regrets. I Avoid My House When His Friend Rob Is There, He Always tries To Rape Me. Ive Left Him A Few Bruises but My Scars From Him Are Far More Perminant. I Took Slow Steps Up The Front Stairs, And As I Walked through The Broken Screen Door My Dad Threw A Beer Bottle At The Back of My Head. I Blacked Out. I woke Up To The Smell Of Lit Weed And Spilt Achohal, I Was Lying In The Couch With Just A Bra And Undies. Rob Came Up To Me Piss Drunk. "Hellof Allieef" He Stammerd. I Leaned Up. "Where Are My Clothes You Creep" I Screamed At him. He Slapped My Across My face. My Dad was Sitting Across The Living Room On An Old Wooden Chair, Laughing. Rob Smiled At Him And Gave My Another Smack. I Looked At My dad. "Please Don't Let Him Do This" I Said As tears Flew Down My Cheeks. "Would You rather you Do It Myself you Little Bitch!" My Dad Shouted Back. I Started To Cry. Rob Was Feeling Up My Thighs, I Pushed Him Away. " Don't!.... Touch Me!" I Said. He Punched My in My Jaw Makin My Lip Bleed The Brightest Red Blood. He Punched My Again And Again Until i Was Dizzy Enough That I Couldnt Pull Him Off Me. I Felt a Sharp Pinch and When I looked At My Arm An Drug Injection Was Being Slid Ito My Pale Skin. My Eyes Went Droopy, And My Head Went Weak. I Could Barely Make Out What Was Happening But I Could Still Feel Him Trying to Touch Me. This Time He Drugged Me, He Was In Total Control. Im Still A Virgin Though, He has ever Gotten Me This unstable Before, But Nothing Was Getting in His Way This Time And I Was So Sure Of It. He Was Sliding his Hand Down My Pants, Feeling Me Up; Until The Cops Busted Through My Door. My Dad And Rob Looking In Shock. Rob Got Up And Ran For The Back Door But Cops Came Around Back. An Officer Picked Me Up And carried Me Into The back Of The Cop Car. I Laid There Until The Police Got In And Drove Me To The Station. They Helped Me Out Of The Car And My Bare Feet Lading Firmly On The Cement. People Rushing Up To me Leading Me To A Room And Laying Me on The Leather Couch. I Fell Into A Deep Sleep. I Was Woken By My Dad, I Jumped Back In Shock , A Police Officer Drived Me Home. I Missed School That Day. Instead I Spent My Time Making Food For My Dad. That Night I Got No Sleep. I Tossed And Turned Back And Forth. When Morning Came Around I Opened My Eyes to Seeing My Dad Stand Over Me With A Long Belt. I Leaned Up And Held My Knees Against My Chest. ‘Just Get This Over With, Im Gonna Be Late For School” I Said In A Sigh. Non the Less He Folded His Belt In Two And Whipped it Along My Back, Leaving A Bleeding Mark. I Held in the Pain and When He Left My Room Threw on a White Hoodie, Some Skinny’s And Rushed My Hair into a Messy bun. I Stumbled Down The Stairs And Out The Door. I Ran Too School And Made It 3 Minutes Before the Bell. I Walked Threw The School Doors And Down The Hall; Everyone Was Whispering. I’m Used to Hearing “Freak or Loser” But They All Covered There Mouths In Silence While Starring At Me. Suddenly I Felt Someone Stand Behind Me holding Me Tight and Taking Me Towards The Gym. I Couldn’t Look Back From The Way I Was Positioned But When We Got To The Gym And The Hold Was realized I Turned Around And Before Me Was A Guy. I Was About To Yell At Him Till I Looked At His Sweatshirt And To My Despair I Seen Blood. “Oh My God Your Bleeding!, Are You Okay?” I Asked Quickly. “Im fine! But I’m Not the One Bleeding, What Happened to Your Back!” He Replied Rather Tensely. I Starred At Him Questionably. He Turned Me Around Gently And Lifted Up My White Sweat Shirt, Then My Tank Top. I Hesitated For A bit But Accepted. After He Looked At My Back I Turned Around. “What’s Wrong?” I Asked Softly. “Your Back, Its Bleeding. What Happened? Were you Hit? Who Did this?” He Asked So Many Questions I Didn’t Know What to Say. My Eyes Started To Tear Up And He Held Me Close. I Barley knew him But Knew Of Him He Was 16, Quiet, Shy, A Few Friends, Wore Black, Had A Spiked Cut Hair Lining And Had His Lip, Nose And Eyebrow pierced. He Was very Dark, But He Was Defiantly The Sweetest Guy You’d Ever meet. I Just Didn’t No His Name. After Moments Of Silence And Starring, And Crying I Finally Broke The Awkward. “Thank you… I’m Sorry You Had to See That, And Im Sorry You Had to Feel Sorry For Me” I Said. “Ive Seen Worse, Much Worse, And I Do Feel Sorry For You But Not For The Reason’s You Think” he Went On. “I Was Watching From Across The Street, And I’m Sorry About Calling The Cops” he Said Slowly. I looked Up At him. “ I Just Di.. I stopped him With A Hug. “You Got Me Away From My Dad, My house, Reality” I Said While Looking Him in The Eyes. He Smirked. “Do you Want To Go For A Walk?” He Asked Sweetly. I Nodded And He Led Me Out The Back Doors Of The Gym. We Walked Down The Street Till We Hit A Big Field About 4 Blocks Away From School. We Walked Around The Edge’s Of The Field And Sat On A Hill. I Held My Knees Against My Chest In Silence. I Looked Over At Him And When He Looked Back I Turned My Head Quickly. He Laughed. “What?” I Asked. “Nothing” He Laughed Again. He held His Head in His Hands And Pushed Backs His Hair. He Was Beautiful. It Was Quiet For A Moment Until I Broke The Silence. “What’s your name?” I Asked Softly. Resting My Head On The Top Of My Knees. “Codie.. And yours?” He Replied In A Very Gentle Calm Voice. “Allie”. “Well Allie, Are you Going To Tell me What Happened To Your Back?” He Waited Patiently For My Answer. I Didn’t Know What To Say. He Knew Parts Of The Story, otherwise Why Would He Have Called The Cops? Speaking Of That, Why Did He? He Shouldn’t Care, Im Nothing; Worthless. Thoughts Floated Through My Head But In The End I Decided To Say “My Dad, He Hit Me Across My Back With A Belt, His Belt, Until It Bled. I Went On. “What Did You See that Made you Call The Police?” I Asked In A Strong yet Shy Tone. He Moved Closer Wrapping His Arms Around My Side. “I Seen That Guy Over Top Of You, You Laying Weakly, In Pain, Screaming For Help But your Dad Did Nothing But Watched You Suffer And Scream” He Said. His Voice Sounded As If it Hurt Him To Say It, Like It Hurt Him To See Me Like That. He Leaned Back And Rested His Body Flat On The Grass Bending One Arm To Fit Under His Head. I Looked Back At Him. I Laid Back Over His Other Arm But When My back Hit the Grass I gasped In Pain Leaning Up Again. He Pulled Me Back Gently Laying Me On My Side Putting My Head On His Chest. I Closed My Eyes As He Wrapped His Arms Around Me. He Kissed My Forehead As I Fell Into A Smooth Sleep. When I Awoke His Head Was Rested Over Mine With his Eyes Closed And His Cold Lips Pressed Again My Forehead. “Codie… Are you Awake?” I Whispered Into His ear. Mmm He Groaned. “Codie” I Whispered Once More. He Quickly Leaned Up. “Huh? .. Oh” He Smiled At Me. “I Didn’t Mean To Wake you, Im Sorry I Just Wanted To Know The Time” I Said Quietly. He Rubbed His Eyes A took Out His Phone From His Back Pocket. He Shook His Hair And Read His Phone. “Its 5:30am” He Said Still Sleepily. “Shit!..” I Cursed Standing Up Much Too Quickly. I Held Out My Hand And Lifted Him Off His Feet. His Sweatshirt Sleeves Were Rolled To His elbows Revealing Many, Many Scars. When He Noticed Me Starring He Rolled Them Up Quickly Looking Away, Keeping No Eye Contact. I Rolled Up Mine Showing My Scars As well Showing Him He Wasn’t Alone. He Looked Down And Paused In Shock. He Moved A Single Strand Of Hair Away from My Face And Rubbed His Hand Gently Across My Cheek. He Looked Into My Eyes Will A Still Focus. He Leaned In To Kiss Me. As I Wrapped My Arm Around The Back Of His Neck I Held Him Close As His Lips Locked With Mine. Pushing His Hair Up And His Smooth Lips Moved With Mine As One. Wrapping his Arms Around My Waist He Lifted Me Off My Feet And The Twisted Around Him. When He Pulled Away Gently We Looked At Eachother. I Bite My Lip As He Let A Gorgeous Smile Spread Across His Face. “Can I Walk You Home?” He Smirked. He Put My Bangs Behind My Ear As He Waited For My Reply. I Didn’t Know Weather To Say Yes Or No. If He Walked Me Home He Would See My Dad, Drunk, Rugged And Abusively Toned. I Looked Down At The Grass As My Eyes Filled With Water. He Placed his Two Fingers On My Chin Lifting My Head. I Turned It Looking At The Distance Hiding My Puffy Eyes. His Palm Rested against My Cheek as He Turned It Back To him. “You Don’t Need To Worry For me, I only Need To Worry For You” He Continued In A very Strong Calm Voice. “Ive Never Felt … What I’m Feeling For Anyone In My Existence, You’re my Life Now And I Will Do Anything To Keep It That Way, Your Mine” He Pulled Me In Close Kissing My Cheek. He took My Hand and We Walked down the Dirt Path Leading out Of the Park and down the Street. After 20 Minutes And Hand Swinging, Laughing And Crying, We Approached My House. “Here’s Me” I paused. He looked Around And Then Smiled Down At Me. He Dropped My Hand And Went Across the Street Down 2 Houses. He Shouted Across The Road “Here’s Me” Then laughed. I Never Knew He Lived there, I haven’t Seen him Walking The Streets So I Guess I Would Have Never Known. He Looked Both Ways Then Jogged Back To Me Wrapping His Arms Around My Waist Then Locking Them Behind Me. “Since When Do You live there?” I Let Out A Very Bad Fake Laugh. “Since About 3 Years Ago” He Smirked. “Oh really?” He Spun Me Around Replying With A Nod. It Was the Perfect Moment. I Slid Away From his Arms Like A Little Snake. “I Got to Go” I Kissed His Cheek And Walked Up My House Stairs. He Jerked His Head At Me As I looked Back Then Sunk His Hands Into His Front Pockets. Bowing His Head Down He Crossed The Street Arriving At His House. I Walked Through My Busted Screen Door to See My Dad Passed Out On The Couch With A Beer Bottle In His Hand. I walked Up My Creaking Stairs And Into My Room Plopping On My Bed With Head Phones In My Ears Thinking Of Him. "God i Love HighSchool" I Said As I Quietly Laughed. Codie. Codie. She Makes Me So Happy; I Can’t Begin to Think Of Losing Her Without Collapsing In The Pain. When I Got In My House My Mom Welcomed Me With The Good Old “Who Was The Girl?”… “You were spying on me?” I Said Back. “ I Wasn’t Spying I Just Worry That’s All, She Wears Too Much Black And Seems Far To Affectionate Over You, I Don’t Approve Codie, I Don’t” She Said In A Firm Tone. “Well Thankfully I Don’t Care Weather You Approve, She’s Everything To me And I’m Not Going to Lose Her Because You Can’t Except That I’m Growing Up” I Said As I Stormed Up To My Room Slamming The Door Behind Me. I Can’t Stop Thinking Of Her, She’s So Beautiful, She’s Who I’ve Been Waiting For; And I Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head. I Sat At My Desk As I Put In My Head Phones And Fell Asleep. After 2 And A Half Months Of Dating I Wanted To try Something New. I’m Still A Virgin… And She Meant So Much To Me. I didn’t want to lose it To Just Anyone. After getting dressed I Met up with Allie A Few Blocks Away the the Park. We Sat On The Same Hill Where We Sat The First Day We Kissed. After A Very, Very Awkward Moment Of Silence I Said A Few Words. “Hey, Can I Ask you Something?...” I Said Slowly. She Laughed At My Funny Tone. “Of Corse Anything” She Replied. “Well I’ve Been Thinking, We’ve Been Dating for 2 and a Half Months and I Thought Maybe We Could Try… I Paused In Embarrassment’ Maybe We Could Try Something More Intimate... Like Sex Maybe?” I Said Even Slower Then The Previous Question. Her Head Popped Up From Laying It On Her Knees. He stuttered in a Quiet Voice While trying To Speak. “We Will, I Just don’t think I’m Ready Just yet, I Love You A lot I Just Don’t Think I’m Experienced, Or Brave Enough, But We Will I Promise” She Said On. “You’re Still A Virgin? Me Too; I’m Not Experienced Either, And I’m Sure As Hell Not Brave Enough But I Understand Ill Wait” I Smiled And Kissed Her Forehead. “Thanks’, And Yes I’m Still A Virgin, I thought You Knew Already” She Said Quietly Hoping no One Would Here Her. I Walked Her Home After Words And Went Up to My Room That Night And Rustled Through My Drawers. When I Found My Blood Stained Blade I Slit It Across My Wrist And Let The Blood Pour Out. I Was So Stupid, I Put her Under Pressure, I Could Have Hurt Her Or Lost her I’m So Stupid, I Kept Thinking To Myself As The Blood Dripped On The To Floor. I Fell Asleep Soon After. I Love Her. Months Went By As Our 4th Hit. I Woke Up that Morning And Sent Her A Text Saying "I Love You". After I Sent it I Smiled At My Phone As I through It On The Bed Side Dresser. I Got Dressed In Black Skinny Jeans And no Shirt. I Tossed on A Old Black Hoodie And Went Across The Street To Meet Allie. I Walked With Her To School As She Held Onto My Arm. A First For Everything. I Woke Up To The Sound Of My Phone Ringing. I Was Sweating And Out Of Breath Again From My Nightmares. There Getting Worse And Worse Every night. They Never Change Its Always Me And My Dad, And He’s Trying To Kill Me With A Piece Of Broken Glass, A Glass Mirror I Broke With My Own Looks; But This Time… It Was Me And Codie. We Were Sitting On His Front Porch When My Dad Came Outside To The Sidewalk Drunk. He Was Walking Across the Street When Codie Ran After Him. I Pulled His Arm Back To Stop Him But He Slipped Out Of My Grip. A Car was Speeding Right towards Them. I Was Screaming, When Codie Realized The Car He Pushed My Dad to The Sidewalk And He Was Hit. My Dad Came up To Me and Whispered in My Ear, “That’s What’s Going to Happen to You” Then I Would Wake Up. I Reached Over To Grab My Phone. “I Love You” Is All It Read. I Smiled When I Saw The Sender Was Codie. I Stepped Out Of Bed throwing My Blanket Aside and Running to Get Dressed. I Threw On Skinny’s, A Red Lace Tank Top and Placed My Black Hoodie over Top of My Shirt. I Ran Down Stairs Avoiding Breakfast And Out The Door. Me And Codie Have Been Dating For 4 Months Today. He Brings A Smile To My Face When I See His Gorgeous Green Eyes Meet Mine. Every Morning He Kisses My Lips Telling Me How Beautiful I Am. I Feel Like Everything Is In Place But I Don’t Think He Thinks So. Around 6 Weeks Ago He Asked Me If I Wanted to Get More “Intimate”. I Was Scared, Inexperienced And I Could Tell He Was Too. When I Turned Him Down I Could See The Sadness In His Eyes. Codie Doesn’t Revolve Our Relationship Around Sex, It Was The First Time He Asked , I Just Wasn’t Ready. Although I Think I Am Now. After 4 Months Of Being Together, There Has To Be A First Time For Everything Right? He Met Me Outside My House Door And We Walked To School As I Leaned My Head On His Shoulder. I Grew taller over The Months But Still Has To Tippy Toe To reach His Lips. We Went to Our Separate Classes, And Met up at the Ones We Have together. Lunch Passed, And Then Before I knew it, it Was Time To Go Home. I Walked to Codie’s Locker and Grabbed His Hand as We Walked out the School’s Front Doors. His Mom Is Away On A Business trip For 3 Weeks So I Asked To Come Over. When We Got To His House He turned On a movie And We Sat In His Room On The Floor Cuddling. After That one Ended I Turned On Another One; Half Way through That I Turned To Kiss Him. We Kept Kissing , I Reached To Un Buckle His Belt But He Pulled Away. “Allie We Don’t Have To Do This, I’m Not Rushing Into Anything We Can Take Our Time” He Blurted out. “I Know What I Want, I Want you, I love you” I Leaned Into To Kiss Him Again But He Still Pulled Away. “I’m Sorry, I Don’t Think We Should, You’ll Regret it I Know you Will” He Turned His Head. “Fine, ill Go Then, Bye Codie” I Stood Up And Walked Away. He Grabbed My Arm. “Allie Please Don’t Do This, I’m Sorry”. I Jerked My Arm Away And Walked Down the Stairs And Out His Door Slamming It Behind Me. I Was Running Across The Street When I Bumped Into Someone And fell Over. I Looked Up To See An Unfamiliar Face. He Held Out His Hand And Lifted Me Up And Off My Feet. “ I Am So, So Sorry, Are you Hurt, Are Your Bleeding? Do you Need A Doctor?” He Was Speed talking While Spinning Me Around To Examine Me. I Laughed And Held My Finger Against His Lips To Shut Him up. “ I’m Fine, Thanks”. I Replied. “Oh thank god… I’m Joseph But you Can Call me Joey” He Curtsied. I Just Laughed. “I’m Allie, Nice To Meet You” I Said. “You Too, I Should Probably tell You I’m Gay, Feel Free To Run From “The Freak” At Anytime” He Said rather Annoyed With himself. “Why Would I Run?, Your No Threat Besides I’m A Freak too.” I Smiled As I Held Out My Wrists to Show Him My Cuts. He Wrapped His Arm Around My Neck. “I Think I’m going To Like you” He Laughed. “Don’t Get your hopes Up, I’m Hard To Figure out, Even my Boyfriend Codie Says So” I Replied With A Rather Visible Smirk. “I Like A Challenge” We Walked Over Towards Codie’s House Again. I Knocked On the Door As Joey Stood Back A little behind Me. When Codie Answered His Facial Expression Turned From Worried To Angry After Noticing Joey. Joey Held Up His Hands In Surrender And Said Quickly “Im Gay Hun, Don’t Kill Me”. Codie Smiled. “ I Wasn’t Going To, I Just care About Allie”. “I Still Have to Go, I Just Wanted to See If you Were Okay” I Said All of A Sudden To Codie. I Walked Down The Stairs And Across The Street To My House. Joey Walked Further Down The Street To His House And Codie Slammed His Door Going Into His. I Couldn’t Sleep Again That Night. I Would try to Close My Eyes But All That Popped Up Was Codie Getting Hit By That Car And I Couldn’t Put Myself Through That. Instead I Got Out My Blade And Began Cutting Deep Into My Wrists. “Ahh –Ssss!” I Hissed Under My Breath In Pain As My Arms Turned Pale And Became Weak. I Heard Foot Steps Up The Stairs, Quiet But Still You Could Hear Them. I Smeared The Blood Up My Arm Covering It Up And Curled Under My Blanket. My Door Creaked Open As the Door Knock Shook In Movement. The Door Was Shut Behind Who Ever It Was As They Gently Started Walking. I Launched Up And Out From My Blanket Kicking The Person In The Shin. I Turned On The Bedside Lap And Seen It Was Joey. “Joey…” I Paused And Crouched Kneel Beside Him. He Looked Down At The Intense Amount Of Blood, And then At Me. I Pulled Him Across The Floor Gently And We Leaned up Against My Bed. His Eyes Were Full Of Water And Above His Eye A Slit That Bled Down His Cheek. My Eyes Filled Up With Water In Sight Of His Bleeding Cut. “I’m Sorry For Scaring You, I Just Couldn’t Go Back Home, I Really Sorry” He Pleaded For Forgiveness But I Had Nothing To Forgive Him For. He Did Nothing Wrong And I Would Have Done the Same Thing If I Was Alone, Scared And Hurt Too. “No, Its Okay, What Happened? Are You Alright… Who, Who Did This? I Stuttered The Words As They Came Out From My Dry Lips. He Told Me Of How His Father Had Died. How his Mother’s new Boyfriend Harmed Him and His Mother If They Don’t “Obey” Him. How His “Step Father” Put Him In front Of The Bathroom Mirror And Told Him How Ugly And Pathetic He Was; How His Step Father Broke The Mirror And Said Joey’s Shame Shattered It, And With The Sharpest Piece Of Glass He Gashed It Across his Upper Eye Leaving Behind A Deep Scar. I Covered My Mouth And Began To Cry Like I’ve Never Cried At All In My Life. My Tears Poured Over Cheek, And Down My Face. He Smudged My Eye Liner Under My Eyes And Told Me In a Calm tone “It’s Going To be Okay”. After I Calmed Down We Just Sat Up All Night talking. I Talked About Codie And Our Not So “Intimate Encounter”. “I Wasn’t Ready When he Was, And Now Because Of that He’s Afraid To Touch Me” I Said Annoyed. “Sounds To Me Like He’s the One Not Ready This Time” It Was Silent For A bit. Then He Talked About His Dad, talked About Him as If they Were Best Friends Before He Died. He’s Very Expressive And Feminine; I Love it. “He Died About two Years Ago, He Was Working On the Rail Way When His Pant Leg Got Caught Into The Track, That Was When the train Hit Him” He Slowly Spoke. “I’m Sorry” I replied. He Nodded. We Goofed Around trying To Lighten The Mood. His Legs Lay Straight On The Ground And My Head Gently Placed Across Them In The Opposite Direction. Looking Up At Him Laughing At My Horrible Jokes. I Buried My Head In His Chest When I Or He Said Something That Made Me Embarrassed. He Was My Best Friend. I’ve Never Had A Best Friend Before, Someone to Tell me What To Wear, To Run To When I Have boy Problems. Well, there’s A First for Everything. I Could Still See The Sadness In His Eyes. “You Know, Joey, You Can Stay Here Till Things Get Better At Home, As long As You need I’m Here For You” I Suggested. “Thanks Allie, Lets Just Hope you Don’t Rape Me” He Laughed. I Playfully Punched Him In The Gut. “I’m Saving My “Organs For Someone A little More Manly” I Did A Cheesy Smile. His Jaw Dropped As he Covered It Half Way With A Girly Hand Motion. “Hmph, I Am So Manly Enough” We Both Laughed. That’s All I Remembered before Drifting Of to Sleep. I Got Up that Morning After About And Hour Of Sleep And Licked The Side Of Joey’s Face. “Morning Sunshine” I Announced After his Shocking Wake Up. “You Know, I’m Going to Have to Sanitize My Face thanks To You” he wiped Of My Saliva and Smirked. “Im going To Take A Shower” I Grabbed A Towel And Walked Out My Door. “Hey Allie” He Called. I Held The Corner Of the Bedroom Wall And Half Looked Into My Room. “Yeah?” I Asked. “Don’t Drop The Soap” He Smiled. It Was a Stupid Remark People Use For “Gay’s”. I Laughed At his Fail Attempt To Make A Joke And Walked Back Into The Bathroom. I Turned On The Faucet, Then Pushed Down The Rod To Turn On The Shower. I Stood Under The Water And Pushed Back My Hair With The Shampoo. I Washed And I Rinsed Off . I reached For My Towel And Dried Off A bit. I Put On My Underwear And Bra Still Standing In The Tub And Wrapped Around Me The Other Dry Towel. I Stepped Out Slowly Putting My First Foot On the Ground And Then Lifted My Other One Over The Edge. I Hit The Ledge of the Tub And Dropped to the Ground With And Intense Slam. Joey Ran In, And Helped me Up With His Single Hand. When Are Fingers Touched I Felt What he Felt. I Pulled Back As We Powered Up And Electric Shock. My Hair Fizzed Up As Joey Hid His Smile Of Laughter. I Left The Pain He Felt, The Guilt, The Hatred towards Himself, All His Emotions. I then Started To Hear His Thoughts In My Head, He Thought it Was Funny How My Hair Spiked Up From The Spark, But How I Looked Adorable When In Fear. I Was So Confused , I Didn’t No What Was Happening. He Helped Me Up And I Ran Into The Room With Him And Closed The Door. What If I Could Feel What People Felt, Hear There Thought? I was Still Surprised By Everything That’s Already Happened. I Wondered If I Would be Able to Read Codie, Really Under Stand what was Going Through his Body. Was It My Touch? It Had To Be. I Took Of My Towel, Got Dressed, Threw On A Sweater And Grabbed his Hand Dragging Him Down The Stairs And Across the Street To Codie’s House. I Knocked On the Door With A Powerful Forced And Lunged At Him When he Answered The Door, Knocking Him Over And Onto The Ground. With My Over Top Of Him I Kissed His Lips. I Began To Absorb His Emotions, Everything In His Mind. He Was thinking Of Me, And How He Rejected me. How I Was So Upset At him. He Was Feeling Sad and Guilty but HeShouldn’t Have, It Was My Fault Instead Of Him rushing Me I Rushed Him. I Looked Into His Eyes And Smiled. He Looked Over At Joey And He Just Shrugged, Not Nothing What The Fuck Was Happening. I Got up then Reached To Help Codie Up. I Had To Figure Out Exactly What Was Happening, Why I Could All Of A Sudden take In All of What People Don’t Dish Out. Still Being Confused Me, Codie And Joey Started Walking To School. I Completely Let My So Called ‘Power” Free Of My Mind. Just Till After School Pain & Pleasure. The Classes Me And Codie Didn’t Have, Me And Joey Did. I Was Only Alone On A Few Little Stupid Classes. Through The Front Doors… People Were Starring At Me As I Walked Down The Hallway With Both of Them. Joey Gave Me A Piggy Back, But Everyone Already Knew It Was Codie I Was Dating. I Could Tell Even Without Me Touching Them They Were Thinking “Love Triangle” But It Wasn’t Like That. I Loved Codie, More Than Anyone In The World. Joey Is Just Shy About Being Gay, So She Doesn’t Announce It Or Dress His Part. I Got To My First Class with Codie; Science. We Had To Work In Partners At The Microscopes. Working on Cells Both Multi and Unicellular. When We Got Up I Looked Into The Scope And Wrote Down What I Saw. It Took Me A While To Write Down Minor-Details, So Long I Forgot A Part. I Looked Back Into the Microscope And Saw Faint Letters. I Turned The Lenses To Low And Read “I Love You” I Looked Over And Up At Codie But He Looked Away And Whistled In Suspicion. I Smiled At Him Then Switched Back the Glass to the Cell. When The Bell Rang I Went To My Other Classes. Today I Only Had 2 Classes with Codie, And 1 With Joey. The Rest by Myself, As Usual. After School Me And Codie Walked Home While Joey Stayed Back At School. We Walked Around The Block For A Bit And Then over To His House. With his Mom Still Being Out Of Town He Must Get Lonley. We Watched A Action Movie; Fast And The Furious. Paul Walked Is Gorgeous. I Had A Long Day At School Anyway, And Even With All The Excited Ment I was About to Fall Asleep When he turned of The Movie and Took Me by the Hands. I Looked At Him Still Trying To Stay Awake. “Mmm” I groaned. “We Need To talk About The Other Night” He Said. “I Was The One Who Wasn’t Ready, And I’m Sorry For That, But You Can’t Ever Do That Do Me Again; You Can’t Walk Out On Me, I Love You And I Can’t Even Begin To Think About Loosing You I Just Can’t, So Please, Don’t Run From Me” He Frowned. I Hugged Him Wrapping My Arms Tight Around Him. “I Won’t Ever Leave You, I Promise I Love You Too. I Was Just Excited, And A little Spontaneous That Night, I Only Want To Do It When your Ready I Smile. He Looked At Me And Said Very Slowly “I Want To, I’m Ready To Try” He Started Lifting Up My Top. Then My Pants Came of, Then My Bra, Then My Underwear. He Kissed Up My Body Till He Got To My Lips. I Was Looking Him In His Beautiful Green Eyes When His Smile Took My Attention. I Gently Pulled of His belt, Then His Jeans And The Rest Of His Clothes. When We Were Both Naked My Stomach Started Turning. He Was So Muscled, So Sexy; But I Felt Fat And Ugly (Even Though I Weighed Only 90 Pounds At Age 15) I Laid on My Back As He Laid over Me. “Ready?” He Said Worried. I nodded My Head as He Pushed in Gently. I Bit My Lip in Sudden Pain but It Started To Feel A little Good after a While. I Tightened My Grip Around His Neck. He Asked If I Was Okay A Few times But I Was Moaning Pretty Loud By The Time We Past 20 Mins. I Was So Red In The Face, I Was Moaning In Pleasure And Holding On To Him. My Stomach Felt Kind of Weird Though, He Moved In And Out A little Faster Until I Began To Twitch And Squirm. I Was What People Call An “Orgasim” I Held On Tighter Then Ever As It Felt All Tingly Inside. He Laughed At My Sudden Change From Pleasure To Awkward. I Seen A Slight Bit Of Blood, I Was A Virgin and it Was Normal But Still Very, Very Awkward. It Started To Feel Really Great! He Pushed It Harder… And A lot Faster!, I Felt Like I Was Going To Scream! It Was Happening Again, That Weird Tingly Feeling. I “Cum-med Again” And Then He Did A Minute After. I Was On Birth Control So He Released Inside Me, I Didn’t Mind It Just Felt A little Weird Is All. We Walked Up Stairs To Go Take A Shower Together, We Rinsed Off And Got Out. I Put Back On My Clothes And He Put On His. “That Was Amazing” I Laughed. “I Agree” He Pushed Back His Hair. “Sorry About The Blood” I Smirked A Bit. “Don’t Worry, Its Normal Right?” He Laughed. I Kissed Him Goodbye and Walked Across the Street to My House. I Was Brave Enough To Do it, I Had Sex for the First Time. I Couldn’t Believe It. It Was So Pleasurable. When I Walked In My Door, I Didn’t See My Dad. I Took My First Few Feet Up The Stairs When He Back Handed Me Pushing Me to Hit My Head On The Steps. I Woke Up With Blood On My Shirt, On A Gurney In An Ambulance. My Head Was Dizzy, Pounding, Throbbing In Intense Pain. The Medic’s Were Attending My Head, It Was Gashed Open From The Stair And Gushing Blood. I Closed My Eyes A Wished It Would All Go Away. I Opened My Eyes To Arrive In A Hospital Bed With Joey Beside Me, But No Sigh Of Codie. I Looked Around But He Wasn’t There. “Where’s Codie? How long Was I Asleep Anyway?” I Held My Head. “He Was Here About 10 Minutes Ago But He Left, His Mom Called And Said She Was Coming Home” He Smirked. “Oh, Okay. Ow! What Happened?” I Held My Head; Looking At My Hand Covered In Blood. “Just Go To Sleep You Goof” Joey knocked Me Over On My Back Gently. “Fine” I Laughed. Closing My Eyes I Went Back to Sleep. I Woke Back Up In Codie’s House. I’ve Always Been A Deep, Deep! Sleeper. For Example, I Don’t Even Feel Being Picked Up And getting Dragged Into A House. I Kissed Codie’s Cheek. “Thank you” I Smiled. He Knew I Was Always Happy To Be Away From My Dad. He Nodded. Codie’s Mom Walked in the Room with a Wet Face Cloth and Ice Bag. “You’re Staying With Us” She Smiled. “Your Father Is … Well He’s In Prison” She Continued. My Eyes Lit up in Happiness as I Lunged at Mrs. Walker (Codie’s Mom) Hugging Her. “Thank You So Much!” I Said Quickly. She Laughed at My Sudden Happy Facial Expression, I Just Found out My Dad Was in Jail and the Best I Could to Was Smile. “My Only Rule is you And Codie Sleep In Different Rooms, Please” He insisted. I Hesitated. “You’re House Your Rules, I Just Thank You” I Smiled. Codie Walked over With Me And Helped Me Pack Up My Clothes, And My Other Items. I Didn’t Want His Mom Buying Me new Stuff. Not At All. I Looked In The Mirror As I Got My Toothbrush From The Bathroom. I Had A Bloody Scar Over One Side Of My Face. I Lifted it off The Wall And Through It Down The Hallway. “I’m Done With Getting Dirty, I’m Not Dealing With It Anymore” I Said Aloud. Codie Looked at Me in Confusion but Grabbed Some of My Small Bags Filled with My Shoes/Hair ties/Socks/Underwear/Bra. I Carried three Bag of My Jeans/Shirts/Sweaters/Shorts/Tights and Legwarmers. We Walked Into His House As He Walked Me Up the Stairs To The Entrance Of A Blank Wall. I looked Over At Him. “What The Fuck?” I Questioned. He Moved A Picture to The Side A Bit And the Wall Opened A Door. I Jumped Back Surprised And Laughed. “That’s Awesome!” I Shouted. “My Dad Built It for Me To Put My Stuff In, Things I Didn’t Want People To Touch” He Looked Down At Me. I Kissed His Cold Lips. “I’m Sorry” I Said. He Nodded. We Walked Into The Room. It Was Huge. I Set My Bags Down, And He Set His Down. He Pulled Out A Wad Of Cash, There Had to Be At Least 2000 Dollars There. I Looked At Him And Pushed It Away. “You’re Rich?” I Asked. “A little, take It, It for a Bedroom Set, My Mom Said So”. “I Can’t, Its Way to Much!” He Took Out A Dollar And Smirked. “there” He Laughed. I Gave Him A Big Dirty I Took the Money. He Pulled out His Mom’s Car Keys. She Didn’t Seem Like She Liked Me Much. Codie Said She Would Learn To Love Me, But I Didn’t Care Either Way. Me, Codie And His Mom Drove To IKEA. I Bought A Bed, Some Dressers, And Some Bed Side Tables For Under A Thousand Dollars. I Got Black Sheets with Red Blood Splats on Them for Under 40 Dollars and Used The Rest, For Some New Clothes. When We Got Home Some IKEA Guys Helped Set Everything Up. When I was Settled In, I Put Away My Clothes, Shoes, Regular Teen Things. I Walked Down The Block While Codie Stayed Home To Help His Mom With Some Things. I Went To The Shoppers Drug Mart to Buy Some Pads, Tampons, Tooth Paste And A New Hair Brush. I Was Starting Over. My Dad Wouldn’t Be Getting Out Anytime Soon So I Was Going To Get My New Life Started. I Cashed Out And Walked Out The Store And Down The Street With Two Bags. I Bought Some Extra Pads Just In Case I Didn’t Get Money Next Month. I Wanted To Save Up, Mine And Codie’s 6 Month Anniversary Was Coming Up Soon; It’s a Big Deal To Me And I Wanted To Get Him Something Nice. I Walked Into The Door And Up Stairs To My Wall. (Lol) I Turned The Picture To The Right And Walked On In. I Unpacked The Pads/Tampons And Placed Them Into My Bedside Drawer. I Put My Toothbrush/Paste In My Own Bathroom; Can you Believe It? I Have My Own Bathroom. When I Turned Around Codie Was At The Door. I Hugged Him Tight A Kissed his Cheek. “I Love This, I Completely Love This”. He Smiled At Me As I Said It. “I’m Glad You Like it Babe” He Laughed. He’s Never Called Me Babe In The Whole 5 And A Half Months Weve Dated, But I Liked It It Was Very Unique. “Babe?” I Laughed. I Pulled Me In Close Wrapping His Arms Around My Waist “You Are My Babe” He Kissed My Lips Closing The Door Behind Him. It Was More Pleasure Than Pain That Day. The Woods Its Been 2 Weeks Since I Moved Into Codie’s House, I’ve Been So Busy I Havn’t Even Had Time For Joey. He Had To Go Back Home When I Moved In With Codie, I Felt More Guilt In My Stomach When I Seen The Pain In His Eyes At School. New Scars Each Day, From His Step Dad I Assumed. Joey Is My Best Friend, No Doubt At All. I Missed Him… I Didn’t Care What People Said At School, Being That People Recognized Codie Was Gay They Judged Him More Than They Judged Me, He Doesn’t Even Show Up To School Much Anymore. I Had To See Him. I Took A Shower, Got Dressed, Rushed My Hair In A Messed Bun And Walked Out The Door. I Avoided Each Crack In The Side Walk, My Mom Was Already Dead, And I Was So Sure My Dad Would Be Soon Gone As well, I Didn’t Care For My Father, Not Even Half A Slight Of Love, But My Mom Was A Good Mom, And I Wanted Her Happiness As Much As I Had My Own. I Got To Joey’s Door And Hesitated. I Let Out A Deep Breath And Knocked Three Times Backing Up At The Yelling I Heard Inside. The Door Swung Opened And There Stood Joey’s Mom. “Is Joseph Here?” I Stuttered. She Closed the Door Quietly behind Her, “You Need To Leave Now, Joe-Joe Goes To The Woods Plenty Each Day, you’ll Find Him There” She Said Slowly And Very Calmly. I Nodded And Walked Down The Street As She Pointed Down At The Huge Woodlands That Lied Before Me. She Was Dragged Into The House By A Tall Rugged Man. I Glanced At Him, But Ran Off Before He Could Notice. Down The Street Jumping The Blocks Of Cement As They Connected Down the Road. I Ran Through The Woods, Round And Round Looking For Joey. I Heard A Crackle Of Noise So I Hit Behind A Tree, Pressing My Cheek On The Side Of It I Looked At The Distance Between Each Tree. As I Seen Someone I Flinched Back And Slit My Lip Off A Chip Piece Of Bark On The Tree. I Looked Over Again But No-one Was There.. Suddenly A Grip Wrapped Around My Waist Pulling Me Off To The Side Slightly. I Stood In Silence, And When We Came To A Stop I Turned To See Joey. “Oh Thank God” I Smiled Hugging Him tightly. "Don't Do That!, Where Have You Been I Havn;t Seen you In Forever, I Missed You, Why Arn't You Ever At School? I Asked Most Likely Sounding Like A Concerned Mom. He Just Laughed. He Looked Down At Me. He Touched Him Thumb To My Bleeding Lip, But I Jerked Away Looking Off The Distance. He Signed taking My Hand, Looking Up At Him Climbing What Seemed To Be A Tree House Of Some Sort. It Was Broken, Dirty, But Very Big. I Climbed The Alter As He Reached Out His Hand To Lifted Me Off The Last Step. We Sat Up Against The Wall. He Thoughts And Emotions Rushed Through My Blood As I Sat There. I Had To Tell Him And Codie About What’s Been Going On. I Knew Codie Wouldn’t Be Happy Of My Telling Joey First But I Didn’t Care At That Particular Moment. “Hey Joey, I Need To Tell you Something” I Said Awkwardly. His Eyes Lit Up “Okay, What Is It?” He Waited. “When I Touch Someone, With My Bear Skin… I Start To Feel What They Feel, And Hear What They Think” I Paused. He Laughed. “I Knew It”. I Questioned Him With Some Harsh Comments, Asking Mainly About How this Happened To Me. He Said Only “I Don’t Know, When You Started Being More Desperate For Human, Physical Contact I Researched A Bit On Natural Gifts, And When One Came Up Explaining Your Behavior I Knew What Was Going On, It Is Kind Of Obvious… to Me Anyway” He Said Rather Calm And Soft Voiced. I nodded Understanding. “So Why Are You Always Here Joey?” I Asked. “I Can’t Stay At Home, And When you Moved In With Codie I Knew I Had To Stay Away In General Approach That Is” He Smirked. “You Didn’t need To, You’re my Best Friend I Can’t Loose You, I tell You Everything About Everything And It Will Never Change” He Smiled As The Words Flowed Out Of My Cold Purple Lips. He Wrapped His Arms around Me Tight in Comfort as the Question He Asked “So How’s Things with Codie And… You Know” Sunk Into My Head. I Looked Up At Him “We Had Sex, I Was Brave Enough To Do It, We Have Only Had Sex Twice But Each Time Is Perfect To Me; Twice In The Same Day I Mind You” I Laughed. “Its Beautiful here, In The Woods” I Said. “Yeah, I Love It Out Here, Its So Peaceful, You Hear The Wolves Howl At Night And I Tell You Allie Its Amazing” He Went On. I Smiled At Him. I Was Only glad To See He Was Happy, Even Though All He Had Here Was A Mattress, Some Blankets And Many Gorgeous Sketches He Drew. He Smirked At My Smile. Joey’s Question Still Sat In My Head, I Wondered If When I Got Home… Me And Codie Could Do It Again, Were Not Getting Any Younger. I Laughed In My Head. I’m Only 15 So I Think I Want To Do It Many More Times, And Especially With Codie. The Trees Started To Move In The Wind. It really Was Beautiful Here, And Now That I Knew Where Joey Is Hiding Out, I Could Force His Sorry But To School Each Day, Besides The Woods Is Only Down The Road. Rejection. When I Got Home (Codie’s House) “ I Talked To Joey” I Said Quietly. “Oh Yeah? How Is He?” He Asked. “Good, He’s Going to Start Coming To School Again Which I Good I Guess”. After A Moment Of Silence I Started Flirting A Bit When I Walked Into His Room, Further In That Is. Is It Safe To Say Joey’s Question Got Me “Turned On”? Codie Was Wearing No Shirt So His Abs Were Showing A Direct Movie to My Eyes. I Smiled At Him, And He Smiled Back Welcoming Me Into His Arms. I Started Kissing His Neck, And When He Caught On He Stood Up And Locked His Bedroom Door. Him Taking Off My Shirt And Pants, Me Taking Of His Pants And Boxers. After Making Out For About 10 Minutes He Laid Me Down And Got Over Top Of Me. I Hesitated. “I Want to Try Something” I Smiled. The Confused Look On His Face Made Me Want To Laugh. I Switched Us Over Getting On Top This time. I Spread My Legs A bit And Placed It in Me. Guiding It with My Hand It Finally Got It. I Started Moving Up And Down, He Pushed In Deep, I Could Feel It Inside and It Still Kind Of Hurt Going In Harder But I Got Used To It. Moaning Quietly I Could Feel I Was Having An Orgasm. I Collapsed Over His Body As He Still Moved Up And Down Faster. When He Released, He Stopped With It Still In Me. Smiling, I Didn’t Want To Stop. I Gave Him One Of those Looks, And He Nodded With A Slight Smile. Pushing In Deeper, And Faster I Could Feel Another Orgasm. This Time I Bit My Lip As He Pulled Out during It. I Was Embarrassed, My Face Was All Red as Liquid Was Over Top Of Him. He Wrapped His Arms Around Me And Laughed. “Relax Hun, Its Normal” He Said. I Forced A Smile But Only A Small Grin Appeared. We Rushed Into The Shower To Get Cleaned Off. He Washed My Body For Me As I Kissed His Gentle Lips. When We Got Out, I Rapped My Towel Around Me And Got Into My Room. Placing On A Tank Top, And Some Baggy pants I Laid In My Bed. I Laughed And Smiled To Myself Thinking Of How “Shamed” I Felt Of Nothing. It Was Normal Right? So Who Cared . I Closed My Eyes And Fell Into A Light Sleep. I Felt Codie Kiss My Forehead Goodnight, As He Walked Into His Room And Shut The Door Quietly. I Was Awoken In Fear By The Same Nightmare. Codie Dies, And I’m Left To Defend Myself. I Started to Cry As I Sat Up Resting My Head On My Knees. I Sniffed And Took It All in Wiping My Tears. I Got Dressed For School And Walked Out The Door And Down To Class With Codie And Joey. I Walked Into The School Doors And Stopped At My Locker. I Opened It To See All The Couple Pictures Me And Codie Took, One Of Us On The Swings, Us On “Our Hill”, One Of Us Kissing, Another Of Us Cuddling. Then I Seen A Few Of Me And Joey. One Of Us Hugging, One Of Me Licking His Face , One Of Us Comparing Scars, One Of Us Laughing. I smiled at the Sight of Each of There Face’s. I Was Glad I Had Them Both. Around 2 Weeks Went By. A Great Two Weeks. Me and Joey Went Shopping For Bra’s, And Codie And Me Had Dinner In A Old Fashion Restaurant. I’ve Always Loved the Oldness of Those Places, So Unique and Bright. I Woke Up This Morning In Sweat. I Jumped Out Of Bed And Ran Into The Shower Before Codie Could See Me All Ugly. He Knew I Had Nightmares But I Never Really Told Him About Them. I’ve Only Ever Told Joey. I Washed Up Quick And Fast Avoiding Of Being Late. I Dashed To Get Dressing Whipping My Hair Out Of The Towel And Brushed It Down. I Wore It Out For The Day, And Not Just Because I Lost My Hair Tie. It Was Mine And Codie’s 6 Official Anniversary! I Was Going Out At Lunch To By Him His Cold Chain. It Would Say Allie Bear On The Back Of The Gold Block That Dangled Over The Edge Of It. I Walked Down The Stairs Feeling A little Dizzy. When I Walked Into The Kitchen The Smell Of Eggs Hit Me. I Covered My Mouth And Ran Up Stairs And Began Puking In The Beautiful, Just Cleaned Toilet. I Was Sure It Stopped Until I Began Puling Again. Codie Held Back My Hair As My Guts Ended Up In The Rounded Toilet Bowl. I Felt Sick To My Stomach. I Wiped My Mouth, And Cleaned It With Mouth Wash. Rinse, Rinse Spit, Drink Water. “babe, What’s Wrong? Are You Sick?” Codie Asked Worried. “Im Not Sure, I Don’t Think I Am, Can We Go To A Nurse’s Office, Please I Feel More Sick Than I Ever Have” I Replied In A Die-ing Voice. “Of Corse We Can” He Took My Hand Wan We Walked To His Car. We Drove To A Clinic Wear I Usually Go To See Mrs. Harris, A Great Nurse Who Was A Friend Of my Moms. I Signed In And Smiled As She Welcomed Me Into Her Office. I Asked Codie To Wait In The Waiting Room As I talked To Mrs. Harris. “A Few Questions Darling?” She Implied. I Nodded. “What Is Wrong Exactly” She Asked. “I Woke Up This Morning And Felt Sick to My Stomach, I Was Puking For And Hour And A Half, My Head Was Pounding But When I Got In The Car I Was Starving” I Replied. She Nodded Slowly. “Okay Now, Are You Sexually Active?” She Said. I Nodded. “How Long Ago?” She Asked Right After. “Hmm, About Maybe A Week Ago, Longer I Think” I Said. “Last Period Was When? She Asked. “ Last Month…” I Paused. “Do You Use Protection?” She Quickly Asked Calmly. “No, But I’ve Just Started Birth Control About A Month Ago, Why Is This Necessary” I Asked. “You Have The Signs Of Pregnancy, But Just To Be Sure Please Take This Cup And You Know With It” She Laughed. I Was Shocked By Her Facial Expression. Could I Really Be Pregnant? I Went To The Bathroom Avoiding Codie, I Pee’d, And Brought It Back to The Doctor. I Waited A Half Hour Before She Came In With A Rather Sour Look on Her Pale Face. “You Are Pregnant My Dear, 6 Weeks Along To Be Exact” She Stuttered The Words Noticing My Pain. I Nodding In A Thanks And Walked Out. I Grabbed Codies And Hand. “What She Say?” He Asked. “Its Just The Stomach Flu She Said” I Stammered. “Okay”, He Kissed My Forehead. I Looked Back At The Pregnant Mothers In The Waiting Room. I would be Them In 8 Months, Big, In Pain, Soon Giving Birth. A Tear Ran Down My Cheek, I Quickly Wiped It Was So Codie Wouldn’t Notice And Forced A Smile For The Rest Of The Day. I Couldn’t Tell Him. I Thought For Sure Birth Control Was officiate But There’s Always That 2% Chance, Figures I’m The 2%. I Stumbled My Walk. Codie Found My Sudden Change In Emotion Worrying, So He Laid Me To Bed And Kissed Me Goodnight. If Only He Could Feel My Emotion, If Only He Could Hear My Thoughts. I Cried Myself Till I Was Dripping Wet. I Was Tired From All The Stress. I Decided I Would Tell Joey First. I Opened My Closed Eyes And Texted Joey Rather Quickly “Tomorrow, meet Me At The Tree House I The Woods Down The Street, Its Important Joe I’m Really Scared”. My Phone Started To Ring From Joey Calling. A Tear Fell On My Phone While I Rejected The Call. I Cried Myself To A Very Quick Sleep And Waited Till Morning. What Was I Going To Do? What If I Tell Codie And He Hates Me? I Have Never Been So Scared In My Life. When My Eyes Were Drifting Off I Dreamt The Same Nightmare Three Times, Each Time Waking Up In More Tears Then The One Before. What Was I Going To Do. I’m Not Totally Against Abortion, But I’m Not Sure I Want A Baby, Im 15! And Codie is 16. Im Really Scared and It Doesn’t Help Knowing Codie’s Mom Doesn’t Like Me Much. I Would Be Totally Alone If He Rejected Me On The Off Chance Anyway!. Thoughts Raced Through My Mind As I Got Only Few hours Of Sleep. When I Awoke In The Morning I Had Almost Forgotten it Was Friday. Another Nightmare, Another Change, Another Death. For The First Time I Seen Myself Die. I Seen Myself Die and Codie Didn’t care. I Couldn’t Believe It, it Killed Me Inside. The Tears Flew Down My Cheeks, As I remembered My Nightmare. I Could Feel My Heart Pounding Like A Kick Drum, It Felt Like My Stomach Was Going To Come Out My Mouth. When I Caught My Breath, I Ran To The Bathroom Covering My Mouth feeling The Urge To Puke Up Everything I Ate The Night Before. I Felt My Hair Get Brushed Back, I Smiled A Quick Smile Still Feeling My Lungs burn, I Was Happy Codie Was Here For Me; But When I Turned There Was No-one There. There They Came. The tears Flowed Down My Face As I Thought, What if I Was Alone? What if I Was Rejected By Codie? I Paused And Began Puking Again. When I Was Finally Finished I Pulled Back My hair Into A Bun, Rinsed My Mouth And Went Into My Room. I Put on Some Tights, Short-Shorts Over Top, And A Tank Top. My Converse Were Knee High And A Head Band Rested Over My Messy Bun. I Walked Down To The Kitchen, But Took A Quick Turn When I Seen Codie. I Grabbed My Bag And Walked Down The Road To School. I Felt The Pain beneath My Chest, Feeling Dizzy. I Grabbed My Blade From My Bag And Slit It Across My Wrist 6 or 7 Times. I Collapsed On The Street Right There Crying The Every Ounce Of Water In My Body. The Birds Were Chirping, The Trees Were Rustling, And My Wrists were bleeding. I Sniffed And Took It In, Got Up And Walked Down The Street A bit More Till I Hit School. I Walked To The Doors And Rolled Down My Sleeves Hiding The Blood Dripping Down My Arm. I Wiped My Eyes And Walked Down The Hall. Codie Still Loved Me, I Still Loved Him More Than Anything In The Whole World, We Were Still Together, I Was Just To Scared of Loosing Him To Tell him Of Our baby. To Tell Him We Were Having A Baby. I Seen Him In the Halls That Day, In Class, At Lunch. I Avoided Him, I Seen How it Broke Him, How He Felt Guilty, But He Did Nothing Wrong. How He Felt It Was His Fault That He Did Something, But It Was Just Me. When It Was finally after school, I Walked Straight To The Woods, Straight To The Tree House And Waited For Joey. It Wasn’t Too Long After A Rustle In The Bushes, And then An Appearance From Him Startled Me. As He Climbed The Step He Sat Beside Me, And My Smudged Eyes Dripping And Intense Amount Of Water. With The Worried Look On His face, He Held Me Close. I thought… This Is the First person I Tell. I Held My Belly And Took In A Deep Breath, Holding It In I Spoke. Time To Tell Everyone. I Let out My Breath and Sat There as I Was Drenching Myself and Joey in My Black Colored tears. “Joey, I’m so…I’m So Scared” I Stuttered. He Looked Into My Eyes. Then Down At My Hand On My Belly. He Didn’t Catch On. “Tell me What’s Wrong, Please I Can’t Stand to see you like This” He Sheared A Tear. “I’m Pregnant” I Balled My Eyes. I Cracked, I Cracked Right In front Of Joey And Started To Die From Loss Of Body Water. His Eyes Lit Up In Shock. I Felt Sick To My Stomach, Like I Was Going To Throw Up. Non The Less, I Did. Puking Out The Corner, Joey Holding My Hair Out Of My Face. “Stop, I Don’t Want You To See Me Like This Stop” I Said Between Breaths. “I Don’t Care Allie, you’re my Best friend, Whether you Like It Or Not, When your Sick, And With Me, I’m The Night In Shining Amour” He Rested His Head On My Back. I Held On To the Ledge of the Tree house Window, And When I Re-gained My Insides, I Sat Back down Wiping My Mouth. Joey Looked At Me And Held My Wrist Flipping It Over. “You Can’t Do This Anymore, Your Having A Baby Right?” His Eyes Filled Up. “No Matter What, Im Here For You, Have You Told Codie yet?” He Paused As the Question Sunk Into My Brain. “No, I Haven’t Told Anyone, Just you, Is that Bad?” I Questioned My Approach On this Whole Baby Thing. Was I Doing The Right Thing By Telling Joey First? I Sat There And Let out A Sigh. I Was Relieved That Joey Didn’t Reject Me. I Told Him About What I Thought Codie Would Do… His Response? “Are You Fucking Crazy?, Codie Loves You more Than He Loves His Own Life, He Will Defiantly NOT Reject, Leave, Walk Away, or Run From you Allie, He Just Wont” He Almost Shouted. The Strengthening Of His Voice Scared Me, but I Knew He Was Right. I Didn’t see it Before, But I Should Have known Codie Loved Me, Codie Would Never Run. “I No, I’m Going To Tell Him Right Now” I Nodded. I Took out My Phone, Texted Codie and Told Him to Meet Me and Joey about 10 Minutes into the Woodland Woods. I Received A Text Not Even A Millisecond After I Sent Mine Saying “Ill Be There In Five!” I Could Tell My How Fast It Came, And The ‘!” That he Thought I Was In Danger. It Was About Time I Told Everyone, About Time I Told Everyone… The Truth. When Codie Rushed Between The Trees, I Seen Him In The Distance. He Climbed the Stairs And Kissed Me With Intense Passion. His Cold Lips Pressed Mine As He Wrapped Him Arms Around My Neck Holding Me And Kneeling Beside Me. “what’s Wrong? You Avoided Me Today, Why? Is Everything Okay? Why Do I Smell Puke? Did you Get Sick Again? Babe Tell me What’s Wrong!” He Got Louder. I Could tell He Was Worried For Me. All His Questions. “Codie, I’m Pregnant, Sorry For Avoiding You, Everything Is Not okay, I Did Get Sick Again, And Im Just Really Scared!” Tears Swarmed My Face Again, Lots Of Tears. I Answered All His Questions. “Pregnant?, Really? He Questioned. I Nodded. He Hugged Me Tight And Kissed My Cheek. “I Can’t believe it!, Were Having A Baby???” I Nodded Again. He Smiled. “You’re Not Mad, Your Not Going to Leave Me, Or Run?” I Was Worried All This Time For nothing. He Shook His Head No Quickly. “Of Corse Not!” He yelled. “Told You” Joey Slipped Into The Conversation. I Laughed. I Let Out My Deep Sign In Relief. Thank God I Wasn’t Going Through This Alone. “How Far Along are You? He Asked. “About 6 Weeks, Ish…” I Stuttered. He Kept Telling Me it would be Okay, But I Wasn’t As Scared Anymore, I Would Have Codie, And Not To Mention Joey, I Would Be Set For Whatever We Decide. After talking About The Plans We Had, Figuring Out A Couple Names, We Walked Home To Tell His Mom. We Wanted To Keep It, We Wanted To At Least try To Be Parents. When We All Sat At the Coffee Table, We Told Her Together. She Seemed A little Angry, But A Huge Visible Smile Spread Her Face When We Told Her We Wanted to keep It. This Whole “Telling Everyone” Thing Worked Out Better Than I Would Have Ever Thought. I Was Thinking The Worst When Really the Best Was Happening Right Before My Eyes. The Day Was Still Young, And After Talking For A Good Hour, Codies Mom Agreed For The Wall Separating Mine And Codies Room, to Be Torn Down. One Big Room, A Couples Room. After The Workers Smashed It Down, We Cleaned Up The Mess And By That Time It Was Getting Late. Over The Weekend My Morning Sickness Faded, Me And Codie Bought A Brand New King Size Bed, And Re-Painted the Room. Codies Mom Went All Crazy On Building A Nursery. She Bought A Crib, A Playpen, Diapers, Wipes, Formula, Little Teddy Bears. She Even Bought A Car seat, And A Stroller. She Had Money To Spend And Something To Spend It On. I Was Happy I Told Everyone. I’m Also Happy Were Keeping ‘it”. I Went To Sleep That Night With Codie Holding My Side, Touching His Hand To My Belly And My Hand To His. My Nightmares Are Getting Worse, Gut Retching Worse. They Seem Longer, And More Vivid each One; But life Seems to Be Getting More Real. I Don’t Get Morning Sickness Anymore, That Stage Is Done, But now I’m At The Stage Of “Miss Bitchy”. Just The Other Day I Told Joey To “Fuck Off” When He Started Humming My Favorite Song. It Was My Favorite Song! And I Still said Something Rude. I Feel So Bad, And I No im Doing it I Just Cant Help It. Codie’s Mom Says Its Just Hormones, And That Its Normal, I Just Hate Making Them Upset, I Feel Guilty; But I Was Happy To Be Finding Out The Sex Of The Baby Tomorrow. Codie And Joey were Both Coming With me. I Woke Up that Morning And Got Dressed. I Went Down Stairs For Breakfast, Saturday Breakfasts Were Always So Big, And Delicious. When Me And Codie Got In The Car, Joey Ran Up And Got In Too. Joey Sitting In the Front With Codie, Me In The Back. Joey Reached over And turned On My Favorite Song, Turning The Nob Slowly Afraid Of What id Say, This Time. I Laughed Out Loud As I Sang Along To The Music Blaring From The Car. I Felt A Small Tingle In My Stomach. “STOP THE CAR!!!!!!” I Screamed Aloud As Codie Screeched The Car To A Stop. Both Codie and Joey Turned Back To See Me holding my Belly, Moving around My Hand around in a Circular Motion. I Smiled When I Felt The Baby’s Small, Tiny Kick. I Dragged Both Codie’s And Joey’s Hand To My belly. Codie Laughed, While Joey Started to cry. My Face Went from A Smile to Oddly Questionable Look at Sight Of his tears. “Its So beautiful” Joey Wiped His tears Smiled Hugely. Me And Codie Died Of laughter. He Started Up the Car Again, And We Drove Into The Doctor’s office Park-way. He parked The Car While joey Opened My Door For me. Codie Came Around The Back Of The Car And Took my Hand While Joey Walked Up Ahead And Signed me In. I Was Freaking Out, But I Was Glad I Had My Boyfriend, And My Best friend With me. This Was It. Time To Find Out The Sex Of The baby. The Baby. The Doctor Motioned Us into The Room. I Laid Down on The Squishy Dentist Type Bed And Lifted My Shirt Up A bit. The Doctor Rubbed Some Jelly On My belly And Moved a Motion Screener Against, and around it. The Doctor Sighed In Dismay. I looked At the Screen to See nothing There. A tear Fell down My Cheek as I Thought I Lost the Baby; But Soon A Picture Came To The Black And White Screen When He Moved Position. A Ear to Ear Smile Spread My Face and Codie’s. I Started To Cry, And Cry When The Doctor Told us the Sex Was… A Boy. I looked over At Codie’s face And Seen a Tear Fall From his Eye. I Knew Right Then That We Were Going to Be the Best, most Amazing Parents in the World. The Doctor Went On About how The Baby Was Healthy, And Very Energetic. How I Should Beware of The Kicks and Pain He Might bring Me. I Worried My Expression In Vision Of What might Happen. I Held My Stomach. I Lifted My Hand To See Jelly all over it. I Swung Back My Head In Laughter And Codie Just Smirked. When We Left The Office, Codie Drove Into his Parking Lot At Home And Me And Joey Both Walked In. We (Me And Codie) Told His Mom Everything The Doctor Said. It brought Tears to Her Eyes When She Found out the Sex. Codie Wrapped His Arms Around My Waist. As The Months Went By, I Grew Bigger, And Bigger, And Bigger. My Clothes Barley Fit, My Stomach Grew Long And Outwards. But I Didn’t Care. Joey Was There For Me And More importantly Codie Was. Through My Whole Pregnancy I kept Craving for Sex and Food. Codie Refused In Fear Of Hurting The Baby. It Made Me Upset A Few times And I’ve Walked Out To Go Meet Joey For Hours, Leaving Codie To Worry Even More about my Wear Abouts. A Few Times Ive Walked Out From Joey And Codie, Leaving Them To Become Closer Then Ever. We All Grew Together As One, He Was Our Best Friend, Completely. Joey And Codie Teased Me, Laughing At Me From Behind. I Only Glared At There Fail Attempt Of Whispering. One Night I Even Left At 2 In the morning, Scaring Joey Half To Death As I Curled Up Against him Shivering And Drenched I Tears. When I Got Home The Next Morning Cops Were At The House. Joey Walked Back With Me And Codie Laughed At Joey’s Shrugging Shoulders In The Sight Of My Scare. I Knew Never To Leave So Late Again If I Knew What Was Good For Me. Codie Forgave Me That Day, And That Night Cuddled Me Till I Drifted To Sleep. Joey And Him Stayed Up Laughing All Night, So It Was Hard To Get The Little Sleep I Did, But I Faked Leaving Them Thinking I Was Asleep. It Was A Week Before My Dew Date. I Was Sitting On The Couch Eating Potato Watching TV When I Felt A Wetness Soak My Pants And The New Couch. I Screamed In The Pain That Followed After my ten Minutes of Shock. Codie Ran Sliding And Banging Down the hallway To See What Was Wrong. I Knew Then That The baby was Coming. I Screamed in Pain Louder And Louder. Codie Lifted Me up off The Couch and took me out to the Car as Codie’s Mom Ran out after Us and into the Driver Seat. When We Got Buckled in The pain Stopped For Awhile. She Rushed As Fast As She Could To The Hospital, After A 20 Minute Drive, And 5 Minutes Left More Pain Shot Through Me. Codie Was Crying In Sight Of Me In So Much Pain. He Hated Seeing Me In Pain, He Always Has. When We Hit The Hospital Codies Mom Ran In First Telling The Doctors I Was Having Contractions. I Rushed in With Codie and Was Seated in A Wheel Chair And Rushed Into A Room. I Discussed With My Doctor That I Wanted A Birth With The Drug; but She Said I Was Much Too Far Along For It. I Was Due In Less Then 7 minutes Tops. The Doctors Told Me To Push, As I Screamed And Screamed I Hear The Jumping And Worrying Noises Of Joey Outside The Door. Codie Sitting beside Me Holding My Hand the Whole Time I Pushed Again, And Again, And Again And What Seemed Like Forever Was Only 6 hours Of Labor. A Beautiful Healthy Baby Boy Stretched Through Me As The Doctors Washed Him of, Wrapped him In a Blue Blanket And Handed Him To Codie. I Was Still In A bit Of Pain but It Faded After The Birth. “Any names?” The Doctor Said. Joey Walked Through The Hospital Room With A Smile Just As She Asked. Codie Smiled And looked Up At Me. Noticing Him In The Room. I nodded With A Smile. “Joey” We Both Said looking At The Doctor. Joey’s Face Light Up And His Eyes Popped Out. He Started Crying. “Really? Your Naming Him After Me?” He Smiled Still Crying. I Laughed At His Surprise. I Would Have Thought He Would Guess It But I Guess Not. He Was 7 pounds 7 Ounces. A Perfect baby. After A Few Days, We Went Home With Our Beautiful Baby Boy; Joseph. We settled him In His Nursery. He Fell Asleep Beside His Teddy Codie Wrapped his Arms Around My Still Hurting Waist And Whispered In My Ear “Love you, And I Love Our Baby”. I Turned To Him And Looked In His Eyes. I Wrapped My Arms Around His Neck And Smiled. “I Love you, And I Love Him Too”. And He Kissed Me Gently. Publication Date: November 9th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-brookiesmilez

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-udhaya-nandhini-coffee-prince/

UDHAYA NANDHINI COFFEE PRINCE intro Choi Han-gyul (Gong Yoo) is a third generation scion of a food chaebol. He has never had a job and does not care for responsibility. Han-gyul is hung up on his first love, Han Yoo-joo (Chae Jung-an), and certainly doesn't want to get married despite his family's requests. On the other hand, Go Eun-chan (Yoon Eun-hye) is a 24-year-old tomboy who is often mistaken for a guy. She takes up every job possible: Taekwondo teacher, waitress, food delivery, and has the responsibility of taking care of her childish, spendthrift mother and trouble-making younger sister. When Han-gyul and Eun-chan meet, he, not knowing that she is a girl, decides to hire her to pretend to be his gay lover so that he can escape the blind dates arranged by his grandmother. Meanwhile, Han-gyul's cousin, Choi Han-seong (Lee Sun-kyun), is an established music producer and his ex-girlfriend, Han Yoo-joo, is a famous artist who studied in New York. The two were lovers for about 8 years, but their relationship ended when Yoo-joo left Han-seong for another man. Two years after they separate, their paths cross again when she returns to Seoul. Han-seong is initially angry at her, but he succumbs to his lingering feelings and they start to date again. After getting an ultimatum from his grandmother, Han-gyul takes over a rundown old coffee shop, later renamed "Coffee Prince," to prove that he's capable, both to his grandmother and to Yoo-joo. In order to attract female customers, he only hires good-looking male employees. Eun-chan, desperate for money, continues to hide her gender to get a job at Coffee Prince. Eun-chan also become friends with Han-seong, and she is initially attracted to him because of his kindness. Han-seong also enjoys spending time with her, and an impulsive kiss that he gives her causes him and Yoo-joo to break up for a short time. Soon, feelings start to develop between Eun-chan and Han-gyul. Because he's unaware that she is a woman, he starts to question his sexuality and is thrown into turmoil. When he discovers her secret, he feels hurt and betrayed. However, he eventually forgives her and they begin to date. They face strong opposition from his family due to her family’s lower status, but when Han-gyul's grandmother meets Eun-chan, she is impressed by her independence and ambition. She helps pay for Eun-chan to study in Italy to become a barista. After two years of a long-distance relationship, a more stylish Eun-chan returns to Korea and Han-gyul. Cast Yoon Eun-hye as Go Eun-chan[3][4] Gong Yoo as Choi Han-gyul Lee Sun-kyun as Chi Han-seong Chae Jung-an as Han Yoo-joo Lee Eon as Hwang Min-yeop (waiter at Coffee Prince) Kim Dong-wook as Jin Ha-rim (waiter at Coffee Prince) Kim Jae-wook as Noh Sun-ki (waffle chef at Coffee Prince) Kim Chang-wan as Hong Gae-shik Kim Young-ok as Han-gyul and Han-seong's grandmother Kim Ja-ok as Han-gyul's mother Choi Il-hwa as Han-gyul's father Park Wonan's mother Han Yeh-in as Go Eun-sae (Eun-chan's younger sister) Yoon Seung-ah as girl playing cards with Han-gyul on the plane. episode 1: The story’s pretty simple: EUN CHAN is a hard-working young woman who looks (and acts) like a boy — so much so that people even question her when she insists she’s female. She works multiple jobs, delivering jjajangmyun (Chinese-style noodles) and milk, and teaching Taekwondo. She’s used to being mistaken for a boy, but doesn’t really seem to care. She’s also got a huge appetite. HAN GYUL is a rich, conceited ladies’ man who’s got women throwing themselves at him left and right. His mother and grandmother are after him to marry and stop playing around with his life, although they too aren’t immune to his charm when he deflects with sweet words. His grandmother is the head of a large (food?) company and he’s been living off her money, and agrees to go on a matchmaking date to appease her. (Han Gyul’s a playboy, but has a soft spot for YU JU, who used to date his older cousin, HAN SUNG (Lee Sun Kyun of the swoony velvety voice.) That rounds out our main love rectangle.) They briefly meet when Eun Chan delivers jjajangmyun to Han Gyul, and she’s shocked to see him flashing his family jewels at her from under his loosely draped towel. He doesn’t think much of it, but it flusters her. And just in case you’re wondering how much she actually saw, I think it’s safe to assume she saw plenty. And I’m not talking about the towel. Eun Chan’s younger sister, EUN SAE, a pretty, feminine girl in her last year of high school, calls Eun Chan “oppa” (meaning brother, rather than “unni” for sister) and seems to regularly call Eun Chan to help when she’s being pestered by annoying guys. This time (meeting at the run-down Coffee Prince cafe) it’s Min Yup bothering her, a somewhat coarse, uncouth guy who insists he loves Eun Sae. He assumes Eun Chan is Eun Sae’s boyfriend, and Eun Chan doesn’t bother correcting his misconception. She easily subdues the hot-tempered Min Yup, but agrees to a challenge — an eating contest. First person to finish five bowls of jjajangmyun wins; loser pays (with money and presumably also his pride). It is truly one of the more disgusting things I’ve seen in my life. Eun Sae makes it worse by mixing in fruit yogurt in Min Yup’s dish, and as he watches Eun Chan eat her radishes with yogurt, he can’t take it. He loses. Their family’s big problem is money, with a mother who’s careless with funds and a general tight economy all around. On top of their house deposit needing to be paid (approximately $10,000 — leases are paid in a lump sum), their mother has thoughtlessly lost someone else’s expensive ring, and the person wants it back. Eun Chan tries to go around asking for employee loans or paycheck advances, but doesn’t get anywhere. Things get worse when Eun Chan witnesses a purse-snatching and rushes to catch the thief, only to find it’s her sister’s not-boyfriend. Unfortunately, the victim is Yu Ju, who’s there with Han Gyul. Eun Chan goes easy on Min Yup when he says he was going to help pay for her sister’s school fees; she instructs him under her breath to shove her aside and run away. He does, and she pretends to chase him. Yu Ju is thankful for her purse’s return, but Han Gyul sees everything and assumes it was a con operation planned between Eun Chan and the thief. Still, he says he feels sorry for her and gives Eun Chan his card to contact him for reimbursement for her scooter, which was damaged in the process. As a result, she’s fired from her delivery job. Eun Chan first encounters Han Sung of the Deep Resonant Voice when she greets his dog while delivering milk. On the other side of the fence, he hears her talk affectionately with the dog (and this is how he knows she’s female, since she refers to herself as a girl). Curious, he goes out to see her as she bicycles away. He is, meanwhile, nursing a still-wounded heart over Yu Ju, whom we can assume dumped him in some cold and callous way, judging from the way he can barely stand to look at her. I just hope she didn’t leave him to go off and treat her terminal cancer in the States and is now back to win him over again. Han Sung and Eun Chan officially meet when she takes another part-time job as a server at a wine bar. Han Sung recognizes her as the delivery girl, and in a thematically related conversation, Eun Chan learns his dog isn’t a girl, as she’d presumed, but a boy. He’s adorable and I love him already. In fact, I like him so much I don’t know how they’re going to flip me over to Team Han Gyul, cuz Gong Yoo’s assy ego ain’t doing it for me. Eun Chan reaaaally doesn’t want to ask Han Gyul for money (compensation for her bike repairs), but she doesn’t have many options. She agonizes between pride and money, money and pride… and finally decides that pride won’t feed her. She visits him, and he remarks what a girly face she’s got for a guy. She asks for the money, and he gives her a hard time, insinuating she’s a scammer. When he tries to remove her by force, they end up on a heap on the floor… leading to the misconception that both are gay by the girl who sees them there.Then, he insults her parents (for not raising her properly), which hugely offends her. She demands an apology, and when he doesn’t respond, she follows him all the way to his blind date. Or rather, his string of six blind dates, all with equally crazy or weird women. She pesters him all day for an apology.She follows him into the men’s room, demanding an apology and compensation. She wonders if he’s really gay, which seems to spark an idea in his mind. And he surprises her by looking at her closely and asking: “Want to play my boyfriend?” episode 2....... coming soon..... Publication Date: December 12th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-dodc0624db79a25

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-carissa-ferguson-how-my-world-came-crashing-down/

Carissa Ferguson How My World Came Crashing Down 'Cheyenne! Come down for Breakfast!' I heard my mom and woke up happily as I usually do. I throw on my favorite pink shirt and a nice skirt then run downstairs. I see a bunch of Eggs and Sausage which is rare because we can't afford that stuff. 'Wow mommy! We get this for breakfast?' I yelled excitedly. 'Yes dear,' my mom replied with a giggle, 'Eat fast because you woke up late but I thought you could use a little more sleep.' she said. My mommy was so happy and I couldn't wait to go to school and see all my friends. I ate it as fast as I could and it was sooo good! 'Okay mommy, The school bus is here, I love you bye,' I yelled going out the door. 'Bye, Love you Cheyenne!' My said waving. I hopped onto the school bus and sat with my Best Friend Ariana, she is super duper nice to me and we do everything together! We sat there talking until we arrived at school. I walked in and waved to everyone because I knew all the second, third, and fourth graders! Might seem wierd to know all those people but it just happened, and they wave back at me with a smile. I walk into class and my teacher (Mrs. Honey) greets me,she usually just sits there. Today is a pretty good day so far! Mrs. Honey read stories and we had snacktime and a bunch of other fun stuff! The whole time though, I couldn't wait to go home and watch that movie with my mommy! She said she got a movie for me and that we were gonna watch it when I get home tonight. I look at the clock on the wall, almost 3 o'clock! 10 more minutes, I try to stay patience but it's hard! Finally, 3. 2. 1. RINNGG! The school bell rings and I jump up to grab my backpack. I wait for Ariana at the classroom door as I usually do, I wait 5 minutes and the classroom is cleared out. I guess she decided to go ahead and leave without me. No big deal I guess I thought to myself trying to stay happy, I hop on the bus and sit with Ariana. 'Sorry I didn't wait for you Cheyenne, I forgot,' Ariana told me but she didn't look very sorry if you asked me.. 'It's okay, it was only one time,' I said forcing a smile. The bus stopped at my house and I ran as fast as I could inside! 'MOMMY MOMMY! ARE WE GONNA WATCH OUR MOVIE NOW?!' I screamed so happily. 'Yes honey, I got it all ready! Popcorn, snacks, and drinks just for us, I even made thc couch into a bed with blankets,' She was excited too. I could just tell! We sat for about an hour watching the funny cartoon movie and then the phone rang but we usually don't get phone calls unless it's serious stuff likes bills. My mom got a little worried because of that fact but she answered the phone. She got a REALLY concerned look on her face, and scared. I got nervous myself because my mommy always stays calm no matter what but if she doesn't, then you know it's really bad. She hung up the phone and told me not to worry, we finished the movie but the whole time, she was sitting there biting her nails which she only does when shes nervous, worried, or scared. She was biting them down to the nub so she must've been all three. We finished the Movie and she asked me if I'd go upstairs to bed. I nodded Okay and kissed her goodnight. I snuggled into my bed and fell asleep silently. I woke up because I heard something, it sounded like my mother screaming into the Phone. I made out 'You won't hurt my little girl' and 'Stay Away'. I got scared so I came downstairs with a tear streaming down my face and said 'Mommy, what's going on?' she replied 'Aww honey, it's nothing, don't worry about it.' That didn't help any though because I was still scared. I went to bed hoping to forget all about it. I woke up, put my clothes on, and went downstairs. There was a man standing there with my mom and was about the same age as her. I ran to my mommy and hid behind her. I tugged her dress and looked up at her. 'Mommy, who's that?' I whispered. 'Honey, this is your daddy, he's going to live with us,' she answered in a unsure way. I waved hello. 'Can I have a hug?' he said smiling. I walked towards him and my mom pulled me back and whispered into my ear 'Daddy is a bad man, don't give him hugs or kisses and stay away from him. It's for your safety.' I looked at daddy and nodded no and said that I was sorry. He said he understands and walked upstairs into the spare bedroom. My mom whispered to me 'You are gonna sleep in my room for as long as daddy is here. Okay?' I nodded. I ate a granola bar for breakfast, grabbed my backpack then hug, kiss, and wave goodbye to my mommy. I got onto the bus to find another girl in my seat by Ariana. I just sat in an empty seat until we got to school. I arrived and just did everything I was told to do, hoping my mommy would be all better when I got home. I still can't believe I met my daddy! He seems nice but why can't I give him one hug.. just a little one. The bell rang through my thoughts and I got home on the bus still sitting alone because some girl was in my seat again. I got home and yelled for my mommy. I heard her screaming inside the guest bedroom. I opened the door and saw my daddy and mommy under the blankets, my mommy kept screaming for him to stop but he held her mouth shut. Then she saw me and realized her little girl saw this. She gathered all her might, bit his hand hard so he'd let go of her mouth and he did. She hit him on his head so hard he was knocked out. She grabbed her clothes and put them on as fast as she could. 'Mommy! What was daddy doing to you?!' I asked her. 'He was hugging me and I didn't like it. Just don't worry about it. Okay?' I nodded no because I had to worry, I couldn't forget about this! That was the beginning of How My World Came Crashing Down. Text: I don't own any of the Images , I got it from Google Images . All rights reserved. Publication Date: August 10th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-carissanichole.1

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-sherrad-glosson-my-no-good-baby-daddy/

Sherrad Glosson My No Good Baby Daddy To all the real Fathers out there. It's not always our wrong doing that causes split households. These women have to be accountable as well. My No Good Baby Daddy (A Short Story) Whats up, yall? Thank you for coming to check out my short story. It will leave you breath taking. Hope you enjoy. “Yea, I'll take another one please.” “Okie dokie, I'll be right back.” “Did she just say okie dokie?” Bargo asked his boy Jarad as they sat and had a few drinks at a local bar in the hood.   A bar that they used to go to meet up often to have a few drinks and chat. Bargo and Jarad have known each other since high school and when they graduated, Jarad went off to the Navy and got married, while Bargo went to Job Corp. Jarad started laughing, “I think she just did bro. She look like she's new. You seen her around here before?” Bargo shook his head “nope.” Jarad was back in town for a lil vacation. A vacation that he rarely gets to take. He hadn’t seen his wife in quite sometime because he is stationed in Virginia. Do to his heavy commitment and involvement in the Navy since high school, they gave him a lil relief and a reward. Bargo was back and forth from Job Corp and just like most men in his era, a job is not a easy thing to find right now. Do to the unemployment rate and the lack of education he has, he is easily overlooked and considered at the bottom of the list when it comes to open positions. With a two and a half year old son and a girlfriend that is fronting most of the bills around the house, he often judges his masculinity. As society would have it, some college grads finished school with a Bachelors degree and even that is not considered enough to get a job. So, often times he would hustle just to help out around the house with the bills. “Thanks baby.” “Your welcome,” the waiter replied before walking away sashaying her way across the room. “Damn.” Bargo said. In awe as he watched her glide across the room as if she was on skates. “Aight, you betta chill before Tamika get in yo' ass again.” “C’mon, man, Tamika runs nothing this way but her mouth,” Bargo replied to Jared’s comment. If she knew ……Wait, hold up, this her right now. Jarad answered his cell phone, hel…hello….What are you talking about, Tamika?....Man, I'll be there in a min...,” Bargo looked at Jarad as Jarad was shaking his head. Bargo turned his body away from him. "Man, look, don’t be calling my phone asking me no damn questions. I SAID I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE ALRIGHT?” He hung up the phone and turned back to Jarad. Jarad was snickering, waiting to hear what Bargo was about to say. “Man, she be on some bullshit.” “Rrrrrriht!” Jarad replied sarcastically. “If you really knew the real,” said Bargo. “Watchu' mean by that?” Jarad questioned. “I’ll put it like this. Never believe in what you see. It’s always what you don’t see." “I don’t know about that, but from what I see, you better get cho' ass home before Tamika get up here.” “She don’t know where I’m at?” “Oh, thats watchu' think, huh? You forgot that you just posted a Instagram photo a few minutes ago and you have the locations automatically updated.” “SHIT! I forgot about that. Ima' grown ass man dawg!” Bargo puffed his chess out. Jarad laughed “Not without a job you ain’t!” Bargo and Jarad sat at the bar for a few more minutes and continued to sip on their beer, while listening to the music. Reminiscing on the old days…. ------------------- “Girl, I am not lying, he better hurry up and come watch Davon. He ain’t doing nothing no way. He better be glad I don’t go to where he's at. He must've forgot that he posted a picture on instagram about thirteen minutes ago and it showed that he was just around the corner at the bar.” Tamika was waiting on Bargo to come back home because she had plansfor the evening. She told him that earlier and yet, he acts as though he forgets when he supposed to watch his son. Tamika works for a Law Firm downtown. She just became partner a month ago and is already making a name for herself. Winning Ninety Three percent of her cases in just a short period of time is looking good on here resume and making it a plus for all women who are pursing a degree in Law school. “Girl let me call you back. Here come this sorry ass nigga right now.” Tamika hung up the phone as Bargo came in the side door. Without even acknowledging her, he walked to the couch and turned the TV. on. “Oh shit! my nigga Kobe playing these bum ass Pistons tonight!” Tamika walked over and stood her tall walnut toned skin in front of the TV. Her curves blocked every angle and every vantage point between t.v and Bargo with her arms folded and part of her left eye covered due to a new hair styled that she just got done today. “Tamika, you ain’t made of glass. Can you get the hell out the way!” Bargo yelled. “What the hell is this?” She asked. Bargo started laughing his ass off, “On everything I love, I didn’t do it” Bargo stood up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge and when he closed the door, Tamika was standing there with the evidence she found in her hand. “Tamika, I swear, I ain’t use it!” “Well, who did?” she questioned. Bargo didn’t  reply. He went back and sat down and continued to watch the game. “Hmmph! Well, I'm about to go. I told you I had an engagement tonight and you wanna take all fucking day. You don’t do shit as it is, but play damn video games, get high, drink, and probably stick ya lil dick in these ratchet ass hoes out here.” “Little huh? You wasn’t saying that shit a few nights ago.” “Nigga, you was high as fuck, drunk as hell of Hennessy and we ALL know, Hennething is possoble, TUH!. You was supposed to fuck me good. Try that shit when you sober.” Tamika said while shaking her head and pointing her fingers. Bargo didn’t have a good come back for that one. She cut him deep with the (Hennessy) line. He just continued to watch T.V. and drink his beer. Its not like Bargo didn’t wanna work. It’s just that he wasn’t qualified, but then again, Tamika couldn’t remember the last time he even filled out an application for a job online. She often checks the computer recent activity, and what she sees the most is free porn. Typical for a man who don’t do shit all day. Tamika slammed the door before walking out and Bargo acted like It didn’t fade him. Davon was in the room sleep. “Aye, what’s up Jarad?” Bargo called his friend. “Bargo, what’s good? Man we could have stayed at the bar a lil longer. My wife ain’t even here.” Bargo started laughing, “Yea, that’s why you should have called her and let her know that you were coming home instead of tryna surprise her ass.” “Man, whatever.” Jarad replied with disdain in his voice. “But look though, remember when we were at the bar and I told you to not to believe in what you see but in what you don’t see?” “Yea, and?” “I want you to ride somewhere with me real quick.” “A’ight, well, I’m at the crib. Come scoop me up.” Bargo went into his son's room and Davon was still sleep. “Pippa, come here.” He snapped his fingers, and his all white red nose Pit Bull came walking to where he was standing. “Stay” the vicious dog sat in front of the door guarding it. Bargo left and went and pick up his friend. “Man, I don’t know where the hell Alexis at. I’ve been calling her ass since we left the bar. I got to the crib and it was empty.” Bargo just kept driving as Jarad went on talking about his wife not being at home and how he should've called her at least to let her know he was on his way home. Bargo had something else on his mind. His father always told him that whatever is hung in the closet will eventually come out one day. Whether it will be worn or thrown away. Today was one of those days where the closet will be cleaned for good. “Bargo…..Bargo!” “Oh, huh? My bad I was daydreaming.”   “Damn, nigga what type of shit you on, and why the hell are we Downtown at the Renaissance center? Nigga, you better not be on some gay shit. I know we ain’t seen each other in a while but, I ain’t wit that funny style shit.”   “Nigga, shut up and get out.” They both exited the car and started walking across Jefferson Avenue heading to the Marriot Hotel. “Seriously, bro, you ain’t on know gay shit are you?” Jarad questioned again. Bargo didn’t reply. He just walked in the door and Jarad followed behind him. Jarad was still tryna get through to his wife and yet, she still wasn’t answering any of his calls, “My damn signal faded” Jarad was pissed they were on the elevator. Bargo still in his own world, wasn’t paying him an attention. Jarad could tell that something was up with Bargo by that point, but couldn’t quite put a finger on it. DING! The elevator opened up and they started walking down the hallway. ‘Bargo, why are we here?” Jarad stopped walking and Bargo turned around and faced him. “Believe in what you don’t see, Homie.” “Nigga, why the fuck you keep telling me that?” Jarad shot back. Bargo held up a brown envelope, “Time to air out dirty laundry.” Bargo walked up to the door that was in front of them, and without even knocking, he pulled out a room key. Inserted it into the key hole, waiting for it to turn green, then slowly turned the handle. Jarad stood there as the once puzzled look on his face slowly began to become aware of what could have possibly been going on. Bargo put his finger up to his lips signaling Jarad to be quiet and they tip toed, walking in the door and quietly closing it behind them. “Hmph….hmph… baby don’t stop. Go up…up …up… right there. Aw…..Aw…..oooh shhiet.” Bargo and Jarad stood in front of the bed while Tamika was on her knees with her butt in the air, as a man was behind her giving her oral pleasure. Jarad couldn’t  believe what he was witnessing. Bargo smiled as he looked back at Jarad, shaking his head and then looked back at his Baby momma. He found out about her cheating on one the social sites. It was too obvious that she and this guy In front of him were liking any and every picture that each other posted. Constant tweets and retweets on twitter and numerous Facebook likes on old pictures. Pretty sloppy for a woman who’s a lawyer, but every dog has Its day and sometimes cats, he suppose. Just like Bargos father said ‘Everything that’s in the closet will come out... eventually.’   “Put it in daddy.” Tamika asked for more pleasure from the guy behind her. Little did she know, it was'nt whom she'd hoped. Bargo gave the man a nod and he got up and walked out the room. “Hmph….yes…right there. Damn, baby you so hard, fuck me daddy.” Bargo started going fasterer and fasterer until his finger started getting restless. Just after she came on the Gold and Chrome 9mm, Bargo pulled the trigger and blew her guts out. She fell forward and Bargo took the gun out of her insides and walked out the room. Jarad had already walked out with the man that was already in the room when they got there. “Good looking Homie,” Bargo said giving him a five and a half shoulder hug. “Wait! Yall know each other?” “We met not to long ago. Tamika was fucking him on the side. He didn’t know she had a nigga until I met him on Twitter. I can’t fault him for what I would have done. So, I had him set it up.” “That’s real nigga shit right there, Homie, straight up!” “Real niggas do real thangs.” The man replied. “Fool, you still tryna call yo wife.” Bargo said as Jarad was back on the phone. “Wait! yall hear that? Shh...” Jarad ordered. They all got quiet instantly tryna figure out what Jarad was talking about and they all heard a phone ring. “Man, I don’t hear nothing but a phone ringing.” Said Bargo. “Exactly,” He said while putting the phone up to Bargo’s ear. Bargo eyes got big and he started following the sound of the phone which was a few doors down. They stood at the door, and moments later Jarad knocked. On the other side of the door he hears…. “Did you order room service.” A mans voice. “I don’t think I did,” Jarad’s wife responded. As soon as the door opened up, Jarad burst through the door, knocking the man down and ran over to his naked wife sitting on the bed. With much anger and emotion in his heart, he didn’t even bother letting her explain. He silenced her loud scream by grabbing her neck and twisting it so hard that her neck turned around twice. He went back over to the guy on the ground holding his nose. “DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS MARRIED?” he yelled. The man didn’t respond. “YOU HEAR ME, BITCH? He yelled again. Not getting a response was killing his patience. He quickly grabbed the gun from Bargo and started pistol whipping him until he was dead. Out of breath, he stood up, looked at Bargo, then back at his wife, and then back at Bargo, and said “Always believe in what you don’t see. Believe in what you feel. That’s your intuition..." "I was tryna tell you all along. I may have been a horrible baby daddy but I still made sure I was at home with family. What's ever in the closet will eventually come out. Whether its to be worn, or thrown away...." I hope you enjoyed my short story “My No Good Baby Daddy”. Make sure you go get a copy of my first book entitled “When Water Becomes Thicker Than Blood” on Amazon.com Right now. More short stories coming soon, and my next book entitled “Life Starts When The Church Ends” which is also on amazon.com.   Hit me up on facebook for more info on projects ...facebook @SherradGlosson and remember "BE YOUR OWN HYPE!" The only validation you need in this world is that of yourself. "I'm My Own Hype" #IMOH Editing: Sherrad Oneil Glosson Publication Date: November 11th 2017 https://www.bookrix.com/-sherrad

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-jessica-pham-escape/

Jessica Pham Escape To all the people who have lost someone they loved. Book song: Only Place I Call Home by Every Avenue. Chapter 1 Prologue- This can’t be happening to me. Why does this always happen to the people I love? Why? Chapter 2  Carrie and I were lying on the bed, bored out of our minds. “What should we do?” I asked. “Uh, I don’t know… Hey, isn’t John having a party tonight?” She asked.   “Yeah.” I replied. “Well then, come on!! Get yo lazy ass off of that bed and lets go get ready!” she yelled as she jumped off the bed. I laughed, and walked into my walk- in closet. “Hmph. What should I wear?” I asked her, since she’s the fashionista. She walked over to where I was standing. “Hmm. OOH! I KNOW! You should wear this!” she exclaimed. She had picked out some bootie shorts, black fishnet tights, a black tight shirt, some black Converse, and a plain black hoodie. Yeah, I like black, she knows me so much. My name is Kristen and I’m 18 years old. Right now, it’s Sunday. Thank goodness, I hate school. You have to choose the right group to hang out, or else you’re a loner. Carrie over there, hangs out with the ‘in’ crowd. She’s probably the only non- stuck up person in the group. We met in kindergarten. I was being bullied by a snobby rich girl, and at that time, her family was poor, and she was gorgeous. She still is. She walked up to the snobby girl, and pushed her away. “Stop it! That’s mean!” she had said. And we were best friends ever since. I know I’m the kind of person who strikes you as emo, and I am. Cassie was the exact opposite. She’s bright, sweet, caring, and popular. I guess the only reason I was accepted into the ‘in’ crowd was because of her. And because she refused to let me go. She’s one of those people who everyone liked. So the other people had no choice but to accept me. But I see them look at me like I’m a freak. Which I guess I am too. Cassie had light blond hair. So light, it looks white. She’s about 5’3 , she Scottish, and had a perfect tan. I have jet black hair, chopped into short layers, done by yours truly. I put it up in a bun most of the time. The other times, I let it hang in my face. I’m 5’7 and I’m all- American. My skin is pale white, I don’t bother getting tans, I think they’re a waste of time. I have brown eyes, Cassie had bright blue eyes. I painted my nails black, she did her nails yellow. She just has that really bubbly personality. We walked down the stairs and she grabbed the keys. We got in her car and she drove to John’s house. By the time we got there, it was around 8. and the party was already loud and packed. Cassie and I walked into the house and passed a bunch of people passed out on the lawn, the couches, you name it. The people who weren’t passed out or vomiting their brains out, were either dancing their butt off, chugging beer, playing pool, or making out in a corner. A typical teenage scene, if you ask me. This isn’t my scene at all though; I would rather be sitting at home, reading a book and listening to music or something. I looked around, trying to find Cassie, but she was nowhere to be found. Great, not I’m going to walk around with nothing to do. I should probably go home. I turned towards the door, but then I remembered that Cassie was my ride. I sighed and looked at the ground , trying to avoid attention. I also had a couple of shots. I started stumbling, and ended up walking into the schools biggest bully. “Hey, watch it bitch!” he yelled, pushing me to the ground. “Dude, isn’t that Cassie’s friend?” one of his friends asked. “Shit, it is!” he gasped as Cassie stumbled into the circle that formed around the bully, his friend, and I. She looked at me on the ground and her eyes widened. She turned to the bully, “Matt, did you do this to her?” she slurred while pointing a wobbly finger at me. She didn’t let him answer and turned to me, “Did he do this to you?” I opened my mouth to answer, but my brain as all foggy. “You know what? Imma deal with you tomorrowwaah. I’m tired. Leggo Kris, c’mon.” she yawned. “Dude, she let you go!” someone in the crowd yelled, surprised. She once beat a guy up, broke his nose, and sent him to the hospital. Just for slapping me and calling me names. And lemme tell ya, he weighed a ton and she didn’t even get a scratch. She grabbed my hand, and we both stumbled out the door. Chapter 3 I knew I should’ve driven us both home because I was less drunk than her, but she insisted that she drove. Her eyes were half closed, but when they closed, she would jerk herself awake. Neither of us saw it coming. One moment the intersection was clear, and free of cars, and the next, the truck crashed into us, hitting the driver’s side. The force of the truck was so hard; the car tumbled to its side. None of us had our seatbelts on either. Cassie turned to me, her head was so bloody, and I could barely see it. She gave me a weak smile. And that was the last thing a saw before I fell into a deep pool of blackness. Chapter 4 Pain. I felt it everywhere, everywhere but my left arm. I lay there, and it all came crashing to me. The party. The truck. The accident. Cassie. “No, no. NO!” I yelled. I twisted and turned frantically. I squeezed my eyes shut, “No. CASSIE!” I sat up really fast, causing my whole body pain. My eyes were blurry, but I could hear someone calling my name and telling me it’s ok and gently laying me back onto the bed. As my vision cleared up, I saw that the person was my mom. I was in a hospital. “Mom, where’s Cassie?” I asked. Her eyes welled up with tears, she covered her mouth and shook her head. My eyes widened, “NO! This can’t be happening! Not her too! No!” The monitor started beeping like crazy, and doctors rushed in the room. “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave.” the doctor said in a soft, but firm voice. My mother nodded and walked out of the room. I lie there, gasping for breath, and tried to calm my nerves down. My heart ached, and it felt like someone stabbed me there. “We’re going to have to keep you here over night.” The doctor said. I just nodded my head. My eyes started stinging, as tears rolled down the side of my face. I turned my body so that it was facing the window. “Poor girl. She’s gone through a lot.” a nurse said. “Yes, I know.” Another said. I tuned out and stared out the window, and fell asleep. Chapter 5   The next time I woke up, my mom was asleep beside my bed. She looked so young, and innocent. If I didn’t know her, I would’ve thought she was only 32, and living her dreams. But I do know her, she’s really 46, and I know how much pain she’s been through. She tries her best to suck it up, for my sake, but I hear her crying herself to sleep every night.   I slowly push myself up to a sitting position, trying not to wake her up. I do though, and she lifts her head up and looked at me. “Honey…” “I’m ok mom, don’t worry about me.”   “You’re all that I have left! I have to worry about you!” she said, I could tell this was going to turn into an argument. I didn’t feel like yelling at someone, so I just layed back down and fell asleep. When I woke up, my mom was shaking me awake. “C’mon sweetie, the doctor said you’re free to go.” I silently got up and walked to the car. I opened the door and sat down. My mom started the car and drove to our house. We drove in silence and I stared out the window, thinking about how unfair it is for Cassie to die. Why does it have to be her! It could’ve been me. It should’ve been me. I should’ve been driving, instead of her. This is all my fault! My mom looked at the rearview mirror with a sad face. Chapter 6 The next few weeks was hell. People pointed and laughed. They stared at me and whispered behind their books. I mean, this happens all the time, but before, I had Cassie. Now I don’t have anyone. She was my only friend, now she’s gone. When I walk into class, everyone turns and look at me. When I eat lunch, I don’t have anywhere to go. The pops (popular people) kicked me out of their group, I don’t really care. But all the tables are full; none would let me sit at their tables anyway. So I went outside. All the tables were also full. I skipped lunch that day. It’s been 2 months since Cassie died, and all the kids wouldn’t stop bullying me. I had enough. Enough of the bullying, enough of the stares and the whispers. Enough of Florida. I came home with an egg covered car, and I was crying. I walked through the door and my mother ran up to me, “Kristen! Honey, what happened?” I didn’t answer her and ran upstairs. Later that night, she walked in my room and sat on my bed. My back was to her, but I turned so I was facing her. “I’m sorry about your car.” She said, rubbing my back. My eyes and nose stung, then tears fell. “Mom, I can’t take it anymore. I have to get away. The teasing, the whispers. I can’t take it anymore!” I bursted. She sighed, and she looked like she was deciding between letting it be, or doing something about it. “What do you want to do?” she finally asked. “Can I just go away for a while?” I asked. She closed her eyes and sighed, “Okay. Where do you want to go?” “Anywhere." Chapter 7   I spent the whole night packing my stuff. While I was doing that, my mom was making arrangements for my flight to California. I looked at my bag. I keep on thinking that I'm forgetting something... Eh, whatever. I walked over to my table and grabbed a couple thousand bucks. Oh yeah, my mom's a multi- millionare. None knows about that except for Cassie. I closed my eyes, trying not to cry. I blew out a breath and fell on my bed. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep. The next morning, I woke up to my mom shaking me. I groaned and turned over. "Honey, you're leaving today. So wake up!" I sighed, got out of bed and gathered my stuff up. Chapter 8 Before I knew it, I was at the airport and saying goodbye to my mom. I felt tears fall down my face. “Sweetie, you don’t have to do this…” my mom said. “But I want to.” We hugged and I boarded the plane. I sat next to an old but really nice lady. I had the window seat. I took a ragged breath and looked out the windows. I wish I was a bird. They’re carefree, they don’t have things that tie them down, and they can go anywhere. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything else. When I woke up, the flight attendant person was selling food. She got to my row, and I reached in my pocket for some money, but the nice old lady beside me stopped me and said, “What do you want to eat? I’ll buy something for you. I can tell you’re going through a rough time.” I smiled and asked for a bag of chips. The lady paid for it and I said thanks. She smiled back at me. She’s so nice. We talked for the rest of the flight, and then the pilot announced that we were there. I said goodbye to Julie (the nice old lady)and got my things. Chapter 9 I stood outside the airport and looked around. I sighed, “Well, this is it.” A new beginning. I took a big breath, and limped towards the fountain while looking down at the ground. (A habit I can’t seem to get rid of) When I got there, I sat down at the edge and stared into the water. I reached into my pocket -with my right hand because my left arm was in a cast- and pulled out a quarter. I made a wish and threw it into the water as far as I could. I wish everything would be ok. Looking at the ground, I turned around and walked right into a hard chest. “Watch it, bitch!” the person I walked into said. That’s what Matt said the night Cassie died… I mumbled a sorry and tried to run away before the water works came. But a hand grabbed mine and I turned around. “Are you ok?” a guy asked. “Yeah! Yeah. I’m fine.” I managed to get out. Then I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I let the tears fall. The guy pulled me into a hug, “Sorry about Sam.” He glared at Sam. “I’m Will.” Who does he think he is? Hugging strangers in front of an airport... “We were just headed to the park. By the way, what’s your name?” he asked. “Kristen.” I mumbled. “Well Kristen, you wanna come with us?” I stood there, mouth slightly agape. “Uh...” He didn’t wait for an answer, and grabbed my hand –once again- and tugged me towards the park. Chapter 10 "Wait! Who do you think you are?!" I asked. Sam scoffed and folded his arms. He trailed behind us. Close enough so we know he’s there, but far enough so people will think he’s not with us. I think I’m being kidnapped. I’m being forced to go somewhere I don’t want to go. I jogged while the guys rode their skateboards. We had to stop a few times; you know you’re out of shape when you can’t even jog for a few minutes. Man, I wish I brought my skateboard. And plus, I had to carry my bags with my right hand too. I had 6 bags in all. I carried two, Will carried 3, and Sam carried one. We finally arrived, Will had a big smile on his face, and Sam gave me a -if –you- even- look- like- you- know- me- you’re- dead- look and skated off. I sat down on the bench and watched they guys skate. Huh, they’re pretty good. Some people walked up to me and we started chatting. After they left, I was all alone. I chose a really secluded spot, and all of a sudden; a hand covered my mouth, and dragged me off. Chapter 11 I tried to scream and struggle, but he had a death grip on me. His hand was replaced by a cloth. It smelled weird and my eyes started to cross. My body went limp. All I could do was try and keep my eyes open. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. And in the distance, far, far away, I heard a faint shout. ~~~ I knew that girl was trouble. Really. I go away for just a moment, and she goes and gets kidnapped. I was hanging out with my friends, and when I looked over at her, she wasn’t there. I looked around and saw that she was being dragged off by some guy in a trench coat. I grumbled and ran after them “Hey! Hey you!” I yelled. The guy didn’t stop. Kristen was struggling to get away from him, but no luck. Then he pulled out a white cloth and held it to her mouth. She instantly went limp. I grunted and pounded my legs harder. The when I was close enough, I did a flying tackle. I landed on him and we both flew to the ground, Kristen was on the ground, and she wasn’t moving. I looked down at her kidnapper, and threw a few punches. He tried to get up, but I was heavier. Finally, he managed to get up and run away. I didn’t bother chasing after him. I knelt down next to Kristen. Her little body was moving up and down with every breath. She’ll be ok, I thought. Then I saw Will running towards us. “Hey man, is she ok? What happened?” he asked. “Some guy tried to drag her off.” I replied. “Oh.” was all he said. He bent down and picked her up, bridal style. We went by the skate park and got her stuff. Chapter 12 I gasped and jerked awake. Damn, I just had the weirdest dream ever. I dreamt that I had met two guys and then I got kidnapped. I opened my eyes, and Will was looking down at me, concerned. Nope, I guess that wasn’t a dream then. I scowled. “You ok?” he asked. I had just noticed that he was carrying me; I freaked out and jumped out of his arms. I landed on my butt and winced. Sam walks by with his arms crossed and muttered, “Serves you right.” I got up and dusted my butt off. “Thanks. Uh, for helping me.” I muttered, looking at the ground. “No problem.” Will replied with a lopsided grin. I started walking away, but Will asked, “Hey, where are you going?” “Uh, I don’t know, probably rent a hotel and walk around, why?” I asked. “Well, um, I was wondering, um, if you’d wanna, I don’t know, come stay with us?” as soon as those words left his mouth, Sam yelled, “Hell no!” I glared at Sam, then I said, “Nah, I’ll pass. I think I need some time alone.” I gave Will a weak smile, grabbed my things, and walked off to nowhere in particular. I sighed, I haven’t been here for more than one day, and I already miss my mom. I wonder what she’s doing. I walked around and shopped for clothes. By the end of the day, my arms were full of bags. I quickly went to the nearest hotel, and rented out a room. The girl at the counter handed me a key to a room in the third floor. I got into the elevator and clicked the 3 button. I finally made it to my room and then I searched for the card. Ughh! Where did it go? Oh, found it. It was in my pocket. I reached in and grabbed it, trying not to make the bag fall on the ground. It did though. “Aw, poo.” I muttered under my breath. I heard a chuckle behind me, I turned around so fast, I fell on the ground, along with all the other bags. This is so embarrassing.. Chapter 13 “You ok?” the guy who scared me asked. “Yeah.” I muttered. “Do you need help with that?” he motioned to the bags on the floor. “Sure.” I said quietly. He picked up all the bags without a wince or anything. The bags must have weighed 10 pounds! I slid the card in the slot and the green light flashed. I opened the door and motioned him in. Yes, I was stupid for inviting a stranger into my hotel room. He looked around and whistled, “Damn, this place is big.” I smiled and told him to set the bags in a corner. After he did that, we stood there in an awkward silence. “Um, do you want coffee?” I asked, spotting a water boiler and a few packs. “Sure.” He said. I walked over to the table and made the coffee. Five minutes later, I returned with the coffee. He was still standing, so I said, “Why don’t you take a seat?” “Okay.” He sat down on the couch. I went over and sat on the bed with both of our coffees. I handed one to him. He took it and thanked me. We lapsed into another silence. “So, you’re not from around here, aren’t you?” he asked. “Nah. I’m from Florida.” I said. “What brings you do California?” he asked. I looked down and my eyes started watering. Cassie. She was my best friend, the only friend I had. The person who listened to everything I said, even if she can be a little annoying. She was like a sister to me. And now she’s gone. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said, worried. I shook my head. He came over and sat next to me and rubbed my back, “Shh, it’s ok.” That’s when the dam broke. My body wracked with every sob. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms around him. He seemed surprised at first, but he hugged me back a few seconds later. He continued rubbing my back and whispering things like, “It’s ok.” Look at me, I let a complete stranger in and now I’m crying on his shirt. After what seemed like forever, I pulled away and sniffled. “I’m sorry for ruining your shirt.” “Hey, it’s ok. Don’t worry about it.” He reassured me. He didn’t question why I suddenly started crying. He just sat there and comforted me. I could tell he was going to be a friend. Right after a find out his name. “What’s your name?” I asked after I calmed down somewhat. “Ryan. What’s yours?” “Kristen.” I replied. He nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s getting kinda late, I have to go. Are you free tomorrow?” Ryan asked. “Yeah.” “Wanna hang out?” he asked. “Sure.” He got up and walked to the door. I followed him. He pulled the door open and turned around. “It’s nice to meet you Kristen.” I ran up to him and hugged him tightly. He stood still for a second and I thought I scared him off, but he hugged me back. “It nice to meet you too, Ryan. And thanks for today.” I squeezed him one more time and let go. I stepped back and he waved at me. “Bye!” I lifted my hand, “Bye.” Chapter 14 I felt tears prickling my eyes as I ran to the bathroom. I left the door open and braced my arms on the sink. I looked up to the mirror and took in my appearance. Everything around me was posh, clean, and belonged there. I was the only one who didn’t. I’ll never fit in. I never did in the first place. I shut my eyes tightly. I felt a lump in my throat. My eyes were swollen, my lips were too fat, my cheekbones weren’t right, my hair was all matted and jacked up. Cassie use to fix my hair all the time, I didn’t know how to dress myself. Cassie..   The thought of her brought more tears. I blinked my eyes rapidly. I miss her.. so much. This is too much. I needed to get rid of these feelings.. I needed to move on. I needed to face the fact that she’s gone. I sniffled, and went over to my luggage. I searched around for what I was looking for while wiping tears from my eyes. My hand grazed a sharp edge. I wrapped my fingers around the object and pulled it out. I didn’t care that finger was bleeding, I really didn’t. I prodded to the bathroom and slid down the wall. I bit my lip and slid the razor blade slide down my arm. I felt it; I felt the cool, hard metal go down my pale skin. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears free fell down my cheeks. Blood was dripping down my arm. The pain felt good, it made me feel like I wasn’t in my body, like I was a ghost. The pain made me forget what happened. I sniffled and slid it back down my already bloody skin. And again, and again.. My eyes were blurry with tears, and I kept seeing back spots in my vision. “Hey, I forgot my keys, I’ll- WHAT THE HELL?!” Someone yelled. I was too tired, too out of breath, to care. I felt myself being lifted up. The razor blade dropped on the ground with a clang. “Hey, Kristen, KRISTEN. Stay with me!” That was the last thing I heard before the world went black. Text: This is all my imagination. Don't copy it, or I'll hunt you down. Jaykay ;D Images: Images from google(: All rights reserved. Publication Date: October 1st 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-jessica273

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-bailey-blueberrycherry-bubblegum/

Bailey Blueberrycherry Bubblegum Some kids don't have a choice. To all the abused girls in the world: For all the suffering you are forced to endure. Mother Come Back! "Mommy!" I screamed in my small child's voice. She was laying on the ground, motionless. I dragged myself slowly down the ditch with my arms, because my legs weren't working. Then back up it, to the place she had been thrown. Her petite and motherly body lay not only motionless, but lifeless as well. Her eyes were wide open and there was a stick poking out of her throat. I shook her. When she didn't move, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, sobbing, and begging her to come back to me. I was 6. My brother was 8, and was laying 20 ft. away from me and our mom. He got up, seemingly unscathed, and asked me what was wrong with mommy. "She's got a stick in her froat!" I had just lost my first tooth. "What!?!?" He said, collapsing to his knees. I released my grip on my mother and reached for him. He pulled me up onto his lap, squeezing me tightly. "Sky? Marky? Junebug?" He yelled for me, my brother, and my mother, limping up the hill, blood dripping down his face from a cut on his forehead. "Where are you?" "Over here, Daddy!" Marcus yelled, a clearly large of sadness in his voice. "What happened, Junebug, Marky? Is Skylah okay?" He had a worried tone in his voice. "At least I'm alive!" I said, sobbing. His face got emotionless, and he dropped to his knees. The love of his life was dead. "JUNE!" He screamed hatefully at the heavens, "GIVE ME BACK MY JUNEBUG YOU BASTARD!" A drunk driver was speeding down the same hardly driven road as us. He was going the opposite direction with his passed out girlfriend in the passenger seat. She flopped her hand over and it landed on his leg that was on the gas pedal. Her arm was heavy enough to push his leg all the way down and while he was pulling her hand off of him he lost focus, and rammed head on into our truck, nearly paralyzing me, breaking my brother's toe, snapping my father's leg and one of his arms, and killing my mother. He also killed his girlfriend, who was wearing her seat belt and was fully sober at the time, but he, who was not wearing his seat belt and was completely loaded, got away with nothing but a scratch on his forehead. He was convicted and given the death sentence. The First Time (Sky POV) My father was always hitting Marcus. Screaming things at him, telling him he was worthless, and that he should've died instead of his precious Junebug. I told him, when I was 6 1/2, that she was our mother, and that we loved her every bit as much as he did. He sunk to the floor, apologizing, over and over again. "You should not be apologizing to me, you should apologize to Marcus!" I told him, expecting him to obey me, but instead he looked at me and shook his head. "I was apologizing for letting us get in that car accident, not for hitting him! I don't regret that at all!" He said. "The accident was not your fault, daddy." I said hugging him tightly. I hadn't noticed Marcus crying in the corner. When I did, I let go of my dad, ran over to him, and squeezed him in a warm embrace. I looked back at my dad and he was staring jealously. He was still hitting Marcus when I turned 8, and he had left me untouched, I was his mini June. On my eighth birthday, after all my friends left and all my presents were opened, my father looked at me and smiled. "You look just like your mother, you know that?" He said. "Yes, Daddy." I replied. People had cried just looking at me at the funeral because I looked like her. Looking like her had done nothing but cursed me. Later that night I was playing with my new dollies, and my dad came in. He sat down and played with my dollies and I for a while. He kissed me, but not like a father would kiss his daughter, but rather, his wife. He got up, shut the door, and locked it with a key. He brought me to my bed. "Daddy, what are y-" "Shh!" I was cut of by my dad shushing me. He went along, pleasuring himself, and trying to do the same to me, but it only hurt! Her First Time (Marc POV) It was her eighth birthday. I didn't get birthdays anymore, my dad thought I was a murderer. What was worse was he was spoiling her, giving her everything she wanted. I saw the way he looked at her though, and I could tell that there was something more that he wanted, but hadn't gotten yet, and I guessed what it was. He wanted to sleep with her, the pervert! She was so young, and so innocent! She saw him almost the same as she did before the accident, just a little less because I didn't get birthdays. She was so cute, and I loved to be around her, but not like the way you're probably thinking. I was just the overprotective brother, that loved his sister a lot, and wished he could protect her from the dangers of her own father. "Mommy, will you help me out of the toilet? Heeheeheehee!" Skylah asked my mother dolly. She loved to play dollies with me. "Sure, darling, I'll get you out, and throw you in the bathtub, stinky!" I said in my best falsetto voice, causing more laughter from Sky. "But mommy, I don't like baths!" She said in the best little boy voice she could muster up, and then she bursted out laughing again. "Oh no!" I said, "I've gotta go, Dad's coming!" "Awww, okay. Bye bye..." She said, pouting. I quickly dashed into my bedroom. It was right across the hall, so I cracked my door. I wanted to be able to see what was going on. He sat and played dollies with her nicely for about an hour. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere he leaned in and kissed her! I got up and swiftly started walking towards her. I didn't care how hard I got beat, I was determined that he wasn't doing to touch her. I promised mom that I would protect her. Just as I was reaching my doorway, the door closed and I started running I heard a key turn in the lock. I twisted the handle. I was screwed, there was no way for me to get in there. I was screaming into the crack of the door, and he yelled back that if I called anyone he would kill the both of them. I sat on the floor and leaned against the door, my eyes wide with a mix of emotions. Surprise, sadness, anger, hurt, sympathy, and most of all I felt betrayal. No one had betrayed be, I had betrayed myself and my mother. If she were there she would've been ashamed of me. Even Now, I Want To Run Away That first night, when he was through and had fallen asleep next to me, I carefully crawled out, so I wouldn't wake him up. I went to the door, and tried to twist the knob. It wouldn't turn. It was sort of noisy, so I looked back at my dad on my bed. I shuddered. It was such an awful sight to see. No daughter should ever see their dad laying naked and erect in their bed. I went to the window, and I unlatched it. I lifted it up and breathed in the cool air. I felt a rush of cold air between my legs, and I put on my nightgown. I crawled out the window onto the roof of the wraparound porch. I closed the window, and it automatically latched, so he would have no way of knowing that I wasn't in the room, or how I got out. I crawled over to my big brother's window, and knocked loudly. He woke up quickly, and once he saw it was me on the roof, he opened his window and let me into his room. I sat there, whispering every detail, while silently sobbing. Something suddenly snapped inside of me. I wanted to get out of there, badly. "Let's run away together, Marky!" I whispered hastily, with a wide smile across my face. He agreed and he packed some things in a suitcase we were going to share. I went to the laundry room and packed some things, too. I grabbed my favorite teddy bear, and we started walking. We were headed towards the police department, but before we got there, a cop car picked us up and took us home. He didn't notice the tears in my eyes, or the blood between my legs that I hadn't washed off yet, or all the black and blue bruises all over my entire body. He just dropped us off and left. He hugged me tightly, and asked me a bunch of questions. What was I thinking, was I alright, did anyone hurt me? Then, he turned to Marcus as if he was some sort of criminal. "What the hell were you thinking? Are you retarded? You kidnap your sister and think you're gonna get away with it? God damnit I have enough things on my mind and I don't need to worry about you stealing your sister!" He yelled. My brother was FEARLESS. "First of all, she came into my room in hysterics after you raped her, secondly, it was her idea! Just ask her!" "Dad, it was my idea, don't punish him for something that I did!" I begged. "Sweetie, you don't need to protect him, he needs discipline!" He then turned to Marcus, "And you son-of-a-bitch! How dare you accuse me of raping her! We made love, just ask her!" "No dad, I didn't want you to touch me. I don't like you like that! That's how I like Manny down the street!" I blurted. He looked hurt, and stormed out the door. The next day I was watching the news and something about a murdered boy came on, and I saw a picture of Manny. They said that whoever attacked the 11 year old had cut off his man parts and wrote in blood on his stomach, 'Now she'll never feel that way again!'. But they had ZERO evidence. And to this day, I still feel that Manny's death was my fault. "Marc, even now, I'd like to run away, but maybe we can run this time!" I said, while our so called dad was sleeping. "Sure." He said, knowing full well that there were camera's in his room. At least dad would know it was my idea, and not his. I popped in a piece of blueberry bubblegum to get the taste of his cum out of my mouth. We packed again, and this time I included my whole stash of gum. Publication Date: April 15th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-blueberrycherry

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-jada-saladon-sage-amp-brittany/

Jada Saladon Sage & Brittany Looking Back "Sage we have to do this , we cant stay here and let this happen." "I cant, how are we going to make it were only 15  Brittany what are we going to do?" Sage says sobbing uncontrolably. Brittany had no answer to Sage's question other than  she didnt care.  She couldn't stay here another day and see her bestfriend continue to be rapped by a nigga she was forced to call "Daddy". "Look I don't know Sage but anything is better than sitting here doing this shit everynight,'' Brittany says.  ''I already packed all out clothes and the food out of the pantry and fridge.  All you have to do is throw on these sweats and come with me.''   '' PLEASE  SAGE, " Brittany begged and pleaded. "Okay , lets do it,'' Sage replied.    As Brittany threw on her hollister sweat pants and hoodie Sage ran to the front and threw the little pack of matches on the floor and then turned the gas stove on high. Brittany entered the kitchen at just enough tine to pour the gas on the floor and open the window. The girls quickly but quietly tip toed there way back to the basement too put their Jansports on their back and exit the house threw the window of the room. When the girls finally made it out of the house, they stood their for a minute taking in the hell hole they had just released themselves from.  "You ready?" whispered Sage.  "Hell Yeah,'' Britt replied.   Sage removed the cigarrete from her sweats and brittany removed the lighter from her bag and handed it to Sage. Sage lit up and Brittany took the cancerstick from her mouth and looked at her and said"Let me do the honors.'' Brittany threw the cigarrete in through the window she opened in the kitchen. As soon at Britt threw the cigarrete her and Sage took off running. As soon as they reached the end of the road, the house went up in FLAMES.   No one knew about the burning of the house except them , no one knew that Mr.Tector (They're Foster Parent) took a trip to Brittany's room everynight. No one knew that Sage mom was a heroin addict . They only shared secrets with one another - That night was the straw on the camels back for the girls. After the house was demolished the girls walked in silence both thinking about the future and where it would take them.     4 Years Later   "Say cheeeeesssseeee!''  '' It's an important day bestiee," Brittany said as she snapped the instagram photo of them both. This really was an important day for the girls, today marked the 4th anniversery since there " Burning   Day.''  "What are you doing today?"Sage asked after the picture. "Nothing really , the usual  just going to work  and being all sucessful and shit,"she responded. "Shut ya cocky ass up,'' Sage giggled.    After the " Planed   Incident " happened with the girls they countined to go to school and the succefully graduated with their GED. Brittany is now an intern for a pharmastical representative and Sage is a receptionist for a plastic surgery company. Even though each of the girls had decent jobs , their expectation and wants that the girls have is a tad bit higher than what their checks cut so they both have " Sugar   Daddies.''     Yes of course these sugar daddies are old as hell, but Sage and Brittany didn't give a damn whatever the old ass men prefered from 3somes to riding hard and fast they met the wishes for a large amount of money and that is how they stay last in the newest shit and live in midtown of Atlanta in this big ass loft.      "You tryna hit the club after work tonight? I mean it is Friday and it is our "Anniversary" says Brit. "Yeah, Im down hit me up after work so I can know what time were leaving,'' replied Sage. "Ight, I gotchu.  Im on my way to work see ya later" Brit said before we ended the phone call. "Deuces". Who You Lookin' At? Brittany Sage   Sage really didnt feel like going anywhere after work except her bed , but she knew how important this night was to her and Britt, so she dragged her ass upstairs to an already dressed and turrnt up Brittany. After Sage was completly ready to go 2 hours later the girls climbed in Brittany's red and black Range Rover.   By the way the girls was dancing in the car you would have thought they were already in the club. When Sage stepped out of the passenger seat she looked at Britt who was wearing a skin tight black dress with the front of the dress cut out. Sage then looked down at herself who was wearing a creme crop top, creme skin tight pants, with her burberry cardigan wrapped around her waist. Couldn't nobody tell them they weren't the shit; and that's exactly what their demeanor portrayed.     VIP: Dope Boys Only   Laith( 1st period ) Jayce( 2nd picture )   "Laith , mannn I know you saw her looking atchu' go talk to her cuss if you don't I DAMN SHO will.'' "Stop acting so thirsty, that shit aint cool.''  Of course I saw her looking at me and I know she saw me looking back, she obviously isnt intresred"   "You sound like Drake nigga , now aint the time to be all emotional and shit; get ya shit together" Jayce said through the loud music blasting through club VXI   At that moment Laith got up from his seat directly infront of the VIP bar and headed over to the two beautiful females."Now thats my boy,"Jayce said while cheering loudly. Laith made his way next to the girls and arrogantly sat in their section.    Sage looked down at him with a smile mixed with flirtation and alcohol however, Brittany's look was full of attitude and discomfort. Once Sage looked down at dreads , nicely chiseled features, and not to mention the white YSL shirt he was wearing complimented with a pair of True Religon and mint Lebrons on his feet; needless to say her drunk mind was sold on taking this one home and showing him a few things.   Sage decided to sit right next to him even though the smoke coming from his blunt was about to make her pass out, she tried her hardest to keep her sexy ansamble. Just then the DJ made a shout out to my homies Laith and Jayce Hakeem.    ''They killing the dope game this song is for them," Young Scooter Columbia Remix started blarring through the speaker as soon as Jayce made his way next to his brother to celebrate. Brittany looked at Sage and Sage looked at Brittany and they had no idea that two of Atlantas biggest drug kingpins were sitting right next to them , but not just sitting actually trying to get to know them.   Brittany had a change of heart after a couple of vodka shots, she looked at Jayce with his round eyes and beautiful dimples, with the top of his curly ceaser dyed blone - not to mention all the tattos and the $300 american Gucci rag around his neck.   "Where yall tryna head to after this?" Jayce asked "Home, and I hope you plan on coming with us," Brittany said with a slight slur and a smile. "I'll go any where with you right now as good as you look,'' Jayce said .  "Damn right," Laith added while looking at Sage with the sexiest eyes possible.   Sage leaned into Laith as much as possible without touching his lips and whispered while looking deep into his eyes and said "If you want "this,'' You better get up and bring ya ass on cuss Im not waiting all night and im hot and ready right now.'' That type of aggressive shit really turned Laith on and he was head over heels right about now. "Your place or mine?" he questioned. "Mine" stated Sage. "C'mon yall ready to go, and get it popping at the crib," Brittany asked standing up. "Lets go, yall follow us,'' Sage said.    No More Talking As soon as the four of them got through the door, game over Laith and Jayce weren't playing any games. Laith grabbed Sage and put her against the wall and lifted up her dress and press those fingers against her clit and started rubbing and rolling and groping all over her.   Sage started moaning and perring like a cat; truth is Sage ain't had none in 8 months since her last relationship. As soon as she was about to say "hold on" Laith then pulled off her Victoria Secrets effortlesly and slid all his 9 inches into her white, slippery heaven.   Sage could NOT believe she was in her doorway fucking Laith Hakeem, Of Atlanta's Cartel. She felt like a hoe but now wasn't the time for guilt she enjoyed herself so much because all she had to do was lay there , Laith was putting it down and making his mark all up in through Sage.   Jayce was not suprised that his brother layed Sage out as soon as they got into the house. Laith was always the impacient one. While Laith was smashing Sage on the floor, Jayce picked Brittany up and she pointed him to her room. Jayce layed Britt on her back an she looked him directly in his round eyes and said "Dont hold back; Own all of this because it's all for you.''   Thats all he needed to hear.  He kissed and bit Brittany all over her neck like she was made out of caramel, then he moved to her C-cups, stomach, and then everything from her belly button to her toes was well licked. By the time he was ready to give her what she really wanted she was already in heaven and had already came THREE times... Needless to say , It was a G R E A T Night. Please Don't Call Me A Hoe... Sage and Laith   "Lord, I know I commited a sin last night but - please please please let this man stay here with me, and not think Imma hoe,"Sage silently prayed Sage felt like she was in an outter-body experience when she woke up on Laith's chest. She had no idea how their night ended in the bed because all she remembers is being on the floor and pinned to the wall , but then again her eyes were closed the whole time. Sage had a sore throat from screaming ALL night, a sore scalp from having her hair pulled AND all the bruises and sores of a lifetime ; It was worth it tho, because last night she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time.   Laith was SO drained from last night he didn't even feel Sage move. He put in all the work last night. He was so gone over Sage because she was so beautiful and down to earth and real , all at the same time of embracing her femine side with her girly laughs, and batting her eyelashes. She was such an intrecet rare species to Laith , and he was definetly willing to take her places and show her things he was sure she had never seen before.   Laith felt kind of bad for manhandling her 5'5 frame, and brusing her light caramel complexion. He knew she would feel a certain type of way about fuckng him on the first night, but he didnt want her to worry about that because he felt in his heart that she wasn't a thirsty hoe like most of them. He didn't want her to think for one second what she did last night with him was wrong, so he rolled over beside her and wrapped his tattoed arms around her whole body to let her know there was no harsh feelings and that he was glad to be here.   ''Oh my god, he just wrapped his arms around me as if this wasn't a booty call.  Does he think he is somewhere else? Is he unconcious and just doing this because he turned this way? "Im just overthinking," she whispered."Then stop," he responded. "I didnt know you were awake,"Sage said with suprise.  "I didnt know you were overthinking what happened last night,''Sage shot up out of her position and repositioned to look Laith straight in the eye.   "Look I dont want you to think I'm some type of hoe because Im not, I just think...ugh i dont know Im just really attracted to you and last night I was drunk" "So you gotta be drunk to fuck me"He cut her off with his question. She looked at his handsome face and smiled then replyed "Not at all".     ***************     Brittany and Jayce       "Mmmmm baby, don't stop right there," Brittany moaned while she was holding Jayce's head between her legs. "Im not stopping until I hear you scream,"Jayce managed to say through his slurping and sloshing sounds through Brittany's thighs. Just then Brittany started to get louder and louder and whiced the words ,"Im about to cum babe,'' which was just pure motivation for Jayce and his tounge started moving a mile a minute.   After a angelic like scream and moan Brittanys body went limp and she just layed there feeling like she was on cloud 9. Unlike Sage, Brittany didn't really care that she smashed "ol boy" on the first night.  Of course when she woke up that was the first thing she thought about but then that inspired her to continue where they left off. "And thats how the Hakeem Boys say goodmorning" he said.  ''Well damn, looks like imma have to keep you around then,"Brittany stated with a slight smile.   "Im hungry," said Jayce. "You just ate,'' Brittany said reffering back to what just happened "Ohhhhhhhhh, You got jokes huh?" he laughed. "I sure do," Brittany mumbled right before she gave him a kiss.  Brittany wasn't one of those, ''I dont kiss a man after they eat'' type girls; its her pussy and she knew it was squeaky clean so she had no problem kissing this gorgeous man laying next to her. ''Lets go to iHop," he suggested. "Alright, go see if my sister and your brother want to come with us,"  "Ight'' Brit said while getting up. Be Careful What U Ask For At this time Brittany was glad she took up the offer at Dollar general for the buy one toothbrush get the other one free sale; because at this moment the Hakeem boys each needed a toothbrush to wash away everything they did the night before and this morning with her and her sister. "Here you go,'' Brittany said while throwing the toothbrushes at both of them,  "Thanks" they replied.   "So what are yall going to do about clothes, cuss y'all can take a shower here but Sage and I definetly don't have clothes for you,''she laughed. ''Oh. we came prepared, we have our shit in the trunk of the Escalade we was driving last night.''  "Oh, so what y'all just have y'all shit already packed for nights like these with multiple girls?'' Brittany said with a confused look with attitude on her face. Laith looked over at  his little brother and said, "Handle that'' cuss Britt had no idea what she was talking about.     It wasn't Laith's place to tell her that because he wasn't her man.  By the looks of last night Jayce was the one on the virge of becoming Mr.Right so it's his little brothers battle and not his. Laith walked away fully confident that Jayce would handle things correctly, because he witnessed his brother put his foot down without being too aggressive, Laith had to give it to him.   Jayce was truly a Hakeem which meant he knew how the game went with females. "Nothing like that, bae,you thinking all wrong.  We have our clothes in the truck because in our "profession" you never know when your going to have to handle buisness in different ways than just talking.  ''Hakeem's are never caught slippin'.''  Britt understood what he was getting at but her fast ass tounge spoke before thought "So what are you saying, you kill people and shit?''    "Be careful what you ask lil mamma. You in over ya head with that one," he said reffering to her dumbass question as he walked away to proceed to the shower. Jayce passed Laith in the walk way from Sage's room to the bathroom he gave a slight smile and nod of approal.  He was proud of his lil brother for handling the situation just as he would have.   Breakfast For The 4 Of Us   After everyone brush their teeth,washed their face, and took baths they got dressed. Brittany was wearing a Juicy Couture track suit that was black increst with rhinestones; Sage was wearing a Victoria Secret white jogging suit with sequins. Brittany and Sage were never the type to over due it like them ghetto ass girls that get dressed all the way up and wear makeup like a damn show pony.  The girls mastered the art about time and place. Both the girls wanted to show the boys that they were naturally beautiful and didn't need all the makeup and skintight dresses to impress them.   "So the whole reason my brother and I planned to take you ladies out this morning is because we wanted to learn more about you," Jayce said.  "Well what do you want to know?'' questioned Brittany.  "Everything, keep in mind that this isn't just a one way thing; we are willing to tell you guys about us to" "Yall should definetly go first though because you two already know what we do, we want to know what you guys do for a living to live in that nice ass loft," Laith said while  cutting his little brother off.   "You want me to tell them?'' Brittany mouthed to Sage as she looked her direction, "Yeah,you can tell them.'' Brittany gave everyone in the booth an individual look before she started to explain THIER life story. "I was about 7 years old the first time I saw my mom shoot up heroin, it broke my heart, I remember when I was 10 she tried to get me to have sex with this man for some drugs and I knew it wasn't right so I packed my shit and dipped because I knew I deserved better.''   ''I was a 10 year old homeless girl in Montgomary Alabama and  I remember waking up behind some hospital I use to stay behind for shelter.  May 3rd was the day Child Protective Services offically put me in the system. I wasn't in a group home for long.  This disgusting human being named Mr.Tector decided it was time for me to come stay with him.''  Brittany's voice started to crack at this point but she was a master at holding back tears, thanks to her less than perfect childhood. "He molested me almost everynight, until Sage came around.''   Sage was starting to feel overwhelmed, even though she was there for most of the abuse Brittany had endured it was still a lot to hear out loud. Sage and Brittany never really talked about the brutal past of their demonds. Jayce was so pissed off that he wanted to excuse himself from the table, but he didn't want to seem like an asshole.  He couldnt believe the shit he was hearing.  He couldnt believe that these two beautiful women had been through so much.  He couldnt imagine a monster that would want to hurt Britt or Sage.   Jayce first instict was to ask everyting about "Mr.Tector" and find out where that sick muthfucka live because Jayce was ready to put in work on behalf of Britt and Sage... shit Jayce killed people that owed him drug money , so killing someone that hurt the people he cares about was nothing to him. Laith was feeling a since of guilt, he knew that him and his brother didn't know Britt and Sage that long but he felt guilty because he is fearless and a nigga wouldn't dare try him the way Tector tried these girls.    He hated bullies and who is more of a bully than a child molester? Laith felt his trigger finger itching. Both Laith and Jayce was raised to have upmost respect for a women so any man that takes advantage of women in his eyes was practically ''A DEAD MAN WALKING.'' Laith knew he would regret asking this question but his heart started getting way more curious than his mind. "So how did Sage end up at the house with you and that creep ass perv.?''Sage cleared her throat and got ready to speak.  Sage made sure to look Laith straight in the face when she would respond to his question because Sage didnt want pitty, she just wanted them to understand.   "My mother died in a car accident when I was 2.  My dad died before I was born, in the US Service. My mother was all I had because she had fell out with our family years before I was in the car with her when everything happened but I dont remeber anything. I was passed around from foster home to foster home, then one day my social worker finally told me she had a steady place for me and it was at Tector's house."   "Your mothers name was Valarie?"said Laith with more of a voice of statement rather than question. Sage was completly throwed off so her natural insticnt kicked in and she raised her voice slightly with emotion and asked, "How did you know that?''  "You have a very small almost invisible tattoo on you rib cage under your right arm,"Laith said. "You noticed?'' she said.    "I notice everything Sage, everything about your body I have already imprinted in my mind.  I can see a shadow in the darkes room with the smallest light and know if it;s you or not.  You really dont understand how intrict and alluring you really are ... thats why it is so hard... (he paused) for me to think of someone hurting you.''  Sage was no where near a cry baby, but none of the men she had sex with had ever noticed that one very small very vital part of her,and the fact that he did made tears form and drop. If it wasnt clear that this was meant to be it was V E R Y clear then at that very moment.   "So what about you guys?  You know our past so wassup with yall?'' Brittany asked "Well, our dad is Benzie Beeno. ''Your dad is Benzie Beeno," Sage cut them off. Sage was so suprised but now that she put 2 +2 together it only made since . "Britttany you remember Benzie Beeno?" Sage asked "Yeaaa, kinda. I was still kinda young when he left,'' Brittany replied. "Yeah, we were young when he got locked up too. I was 9 and Laith was 11. We didnt really know what our dad was at the moment but we knew that we always stayed dressed in the nicest shit and our mom didnt work anywhere so we just figured pops was rich.''   '' As we got older and started hanging round the streets a little more and that's when we really saw how much of a legend our dad really was. On my 17th birthday and Laith's 19th birthday, because we are exactly two years apart, we got a call from pops saying that it was time to take over the buisness.''  He said Atlanta had missed his presence in the streets and it was time for us to follow our legacy ... and thats how were the men you see sitting before you.''  "So thats it?''   ''You guys basically got handed the power," Brittnay questioned with confusion. Sage almost had a fucking heart attack when she heard those dumb ass words leave Brittany's mouth.  I mean Sage just didnt understand, even if Brtt was thinking that why the fuck would she have to say it? Stupid ass move on Britt's behalf. "We aint never got handed shit.  Our dad worked for everything that the Hakeems have.  If our dad wouldn't have gotten a life sentence we wouldn't have even been in this situation.''   ''Power wasn't handed to us it was forced on us. I aint complaining but this shit aint easy ... If our father handed us the power than he also handed heartache, pain, and courage. When you've lost more friends than you can count, when you have had to kill peoples mothers and grandmothers , when you have been in the hospital so much you got ya own damn room. THEN you tell me about getting shit handed to you,"Laith said filled with emotion.   "Damn right" Jayce cosigned. Jayce knew his brother went a little overboard but FUCK THAT ! Brittany had shit ALL twisted.  He let Laith straighten her out because he couldn't see himself being that rough with Britt but down playing a Hakeem's boy ability was a NO NO. The city of Atlanta didn't play that shit and it was better for Laith to set Britt staright rather than one of the Hakeem's hired killas . Teach Me How To Love...YOU     When Sage and Laith got into Laith's all black Audi R8 there was a bouquet of roses on the passanger side. Sage couldnt help but smile when she saw the roses. She had no idea what the fuck she was going through but damn Laith had her in a trance. Laith's face lit up when he saw Sage face, he felt like she deserved the world and MUCH more. Laith closed the car door on his side and walked over to the passanger side and wrapped his arms around Sage and said "I hope you like them as much as I like you. I know it's kinda corny but a nigga get's cliche when it comes to you. You've been through so much and I can't erase it but I can try my best to make you forget all about it.''   Sage was crying once again from happiness, she had never been so emotional and open in her life.  She felt like she couldn't even talk her heart was oozing so much she felt it would rupture her throat if she tried to speak.  Sage turned around and hugged Laith like she would never see his handsome face again. " I love you already babe," Sage whispered. "Not as much as I love you,beautiful" he replied. "Lets go home, Im ready to make love to you the right way.   When Sage and Laith arrived home he picked her up, as she grabbed his dreads and carried her to her bed. Laith proceeded to undress her where he revealed her red lingere. Sage wasn't hesitant at all  and she actually helped him take off her pants.  She was ready and SOBER this time. After Sage undressed Laith he kissed her over and over and over again from head to toe... EVERYWHERE - Sage sucked on Laith neck until it was completly red.  He fingered her slowly while  trying to loosen her before he had no mercy on her pussy.   Sages moan sounded so good to him it was almost like she was singing . What Laith didnt know is that when Sage was in the mood and she was a complete FREAK!   When he got done lossening her up she took his fingers from her pussy and put it in her mouth if he wasn't already hard ... HE WAS ROCK SOLID now. Sage got up from the bed completly naked and grabbed Laith's hand to lead him to the wall .   The guys Sage is use to fucking with would be completly extatic right now becuase they know going to the wall means you are about to get BLESSED  but Not Laith tho, this is his first time seeing this side of Sage. She pressed his body up against the wall with her 34 C and slid down his body as gracefully as a snake while still remaning eye contact. She grabbed his 9 inches and placed it in her mouth.  She started moving her tounge in a circular motion around the tip which sent laith straight into heaven.   Then she sucked all 9 inches into her mouth the whole time she was sucking Laith she was thinking all the tips her friends had given her and all the things she learned in high school. " When hard suck soft , keep it wet , be aggresive , hum while you do it ,keep eye contact- that'll drive him insane" Laith was getting ready to cum. He was holding it in as long as he could but he had to admit this girl was on some pornstar type shit and even though he was a veteran in the game, he wasn't expecting this from someone as innocent looking as Sage. "Im about to cum,'' he uttered  as he thought that would be Sage's que to get up but he obviously didn't know Sage because she kept sucking just like she didnt hear him; actually she sucked a little bit harder using her jaws to contrast. "Bae, Imma cu--- before he could even finish his sentence Sage's mouth was full, he expected her to be pissed but instead she swallowed like it was a milkshake.   Before Laith could even snap outta the daze of her being soooooooooo sexy and so willing. Sage was already bent all the way over infront of him.  She was bent down so far that the palms of her hands was touching the ground. Laith wasted no time in inserting him self into her. When he enteredd he knew right then this was trouble becuase he was not wearing a condom and this shit felt way to goood. He short stroked her a good 11 or 12 times then starting going deep and long stroking; thats when those moans turned into screams.   Sage demanded he go faster; she was into that hard kinky sex. He sped up and she had no idea what she was asking for because her screams were getting louder then she started moaning when he grabbed her hair from the back and told her to, "Take it.'' Both were in EXSTACY! Sage had already came twice but she could tell this third one was going to be "The One".   "Harder Daddy," was the last words Sage could speak right before the tip of his dick  as it started  hitting that G-Spot and that was it.  It was like a faucet had been turned on when Laith hit that spot. After Laith finally pulled out he picked up Sage and carried her to the bed. Laith layed next to her with his body covered in a light sweat while his chest was rising and falling. Sage rolled over and got on top of him and layed her head on his shoulder, then he pulled the sheets up to cover them. Neither said a word but both admitted to themselves that was some of the best fuck-sessions they have  ever had. The Call ...     "Mmm, I love being with you baby and  haven't felt this way in a long time,"Sage whispered in Laith's ear as she lifted up her head off of his chest. Both were hot, naked, and exsaperated from the fuck-session . Even with all that Sage still had to let him know that she was really feelin' him. "Told you I love everything about you,"Laith said with his deep sexy sleepy voice. Just as Sage was about to respond but her Gold iPhone went off playing Drunk in love (she jail broke her phone to get it to play a specific ringtone).    It was Britt.  It then dawned on Sage that her and Laith did leave those two back at the iHOP spot."Wassup? " Sage answered ... she didnt hear anything but soft cries - "Brittany Janae Smith WHATS WRONG?''... ''HELLO!" By this time Sage was sitting straight up in bed. Britt hardley EVER cried so this was a strong sign something was VERY wrong. "Everything good?" Laith questioned when Sage didnt respond Laith picked up his phone and without hesitation dialed up Jayce number and texted him.  "Aye, whats wrong with Britt? Everything straight?''   As soon as Laith sent that message Sage blurted, "OH MY GOD ! What happened ? How? Where are you ? Is Jayce ok?'' Laith almost had a panic attack when he heard Sage question about Jayce well being because he knew people only questioned when things are wrong, and even though he and his brother were well off they had no room to take L's or too lose another family member. While Laith was sitting there stuck on stupid Sage jumped up and  threw on the first thing in sight as Laith followed suit.   "Brittany stay exactly where you are we are on our way and stop crying.''  Laith got secured in the Audi and when Sage got in he told her "Put on your seatbelt and tell me exactly where Jayce and Brittany is.''  "Britt, is in College Park and Jayce is at Piedmont Hospital.'' The word hospital almost brought tears to his eyes, but he couldnt cry yet; Laith mind started racing and he started asking a hundred thoudsand questions to himself as he was speeding down the highway he was thinking when me and Sage left we were and still in MidTown Atlanta how the fuck Jayce got all the way to the hood of College Park ? Laith jerked into the parking space so swift that Brittany nearly jumped off the bench that she was crying on.   He jumped ot of the car like super man or some shit and had  literally picked Brittany up in his arms when he realized she was trembling. (This was so cute to Sage , it showed her that he really does care about THEM) "Calm down and tell me exactly what happened," he said as he sat down on the bench with Britt still in his arms.  She cleared her throat and said, "About 30 minutes after yall left  Jayce and I hoped in the Escalade that me and Sage drove over here in and he was talking to me telling me how he could give me the world if I did everything that a girlfriend should do.  Then he got a call on his phone and we made a U-turn and started heading South Atlanta.''   I asked him why we were going this way and he told me because he had "buisness" to handle. After we drove south for about 15 minutes all of a sudden our back window shattered. Then this car started ramming the back of the truck.''  What did the car look like? ''Laith questioned.  '' MMMM... I didnt get a good view but I looked in the review before I ducked down and I saw a red F1-50." Thats all Brittany had to say. Laith knew exactly who was gunning for his brother.  He really didnt want to know but he had to ask.  "Why is Jayce in the hospital then and why aren't you with him?''  ''Jayce got sho,t" Laith couldn't believe his ears and  he was so fucking mad it was unbearable.   Brittany could see the instant impact and she looked over at Sage who was already in tears just from thinking that her little sister was put in harms way along with her mans brother. "He is okay  though  Laith.  Im not saying dont be mad but he is fine,'' she said.     ''How do you know and where did he get shotat?" Laith qestioned.  "Because when the paramedics got here and got him out of the car I was hysterical because their was blood all over him and he was cryin'.''  Before Brittany had a chance to finish Laith jumoed up and said "THEN HOW TF U SO SURE HE ALRIGHT!''  "Because when the paramedics came and got him he was still talking shit about how he was going to do this and that and  then he told me to call you and go to the hosiptal and wait for him.''   "So he got shot in the chest?'' Sage asked. "No, he was shot on his side probably right near if not on his rib cage.''  Laith who was still standing whe he said, "Y'all get in the car and lets go," in a very authority filled tone. The girls did as they were told and  within 25 minutes they were busting through the damn doors of the Peidmont Hospital. When they walked in they didn't see a sign in desk so they immediatly started looking from left to right. Sage was the first one to spot the front desk and without saying a word they all  started walking in that direction.    As Brittany was following Sage to the desk she was praying to God that she didn't have to curse the receptionist out  or she already knew how those bitches could be. Laith already had hot tears in his eyes and all that was on his mind is seeing Jayce  so  he walked up to the front desk and polietly said, "My name is Laith Hakeem and my little brother was just brought in not to long ago suffering from a shot wound. ''Whats his room number? His name is Jayce Hakeem,'' the ghetto hoodrat ass bitch with long ratchet ass nails on in every color with 3 diffrent shades of blue in her head to match her scrubs.   She must have just landed a job being a receptionist for the hosiptal and it was her first day so I'm guessing she thought this shit was a game.  This bitch proceeds on to shine her gold ass grill to Laith (which aggrevated the hell out of Brittany and Sage) and thn she say, "Are you two (looking at Britt and Sage) and areyou his kinfolk?'' in her country ass voice.     The girls shook their heads no and the receptionist said "Well then y'all can't''..  And before she could get the words outta her ratchet ass mouth Brittany went into crazy mode and spewed "BITCH I'LL REACH ACROSS THIS MUTHAFCKING TABLE AND,'' - (Sage jumped in to finish Britt statement and said) "BEAT YO UGLY RATCHET ASS IF YOU KEEP THINKING THIS SHIT IS A GAME!''   (Laith's turn) THIS SHIT AIN'T NO GAME BITCH! MY BROTHER FUCKED UP AND YO UGLY ASS PLAYING GAMES LIKE A NIGGA WANTYOU!'' Apparantly the girl had enough of the rudeness and just blurted out Jayce room number, "526" she said in a scared tone.  As the three of them rushed to the elevator Sage turned around and said, "Fix ya lacefront bitch!''   The three of them couldn't stop moving on the elevator that seemed it was moving as slow as possible. All of their minds were racing a mile a minute Brittany started thinking about all the blood that was in the car as hot tears streamed down her face. Sage walked over to comfort her sister and tell her how strong she is being because she knew if the shoe was on the other foot and this was Laith and her she would be loosing her damn mind.    We finally reached the 5th flooras the doors swung open with a... BING ! They exited off the elevator and the room that was straight ahead of them read 520 so they speed walked staright and made a right turn down the hallway and there was the room 526. All three of them were scared out of their mind and didn't know what to expect. I'm Straight...How Bout' You?     Laith was the first one through the door with Britt and Sage right behind him. When Laith entered the room Jayce was sitting straight up in the hospital bed with the gaz-bandage wrapped around his right side. "I knew it wouldn't be long before you showed up,"Jayce said cheesin' like he was smiling for a selfie. "You know Imma always be here,  no matter what Jayce," Laith replied while  walking closer to the bed so he could get a closer look at the wound on Jayce.   Jayce nodded his head in understanding then looked at Britt still shaken up and crying.  "Come here Britt," he said,'' Brittany speed walked across the hospital room. Jayce scooted over and patted the space next to him. Britt sat down right beside her man. "Im sorry you had to see all that.  You've already been through enough and I don't want to add to it. I'll never put you in harms way again babygirl . I know I just met you but you mean the world to me already. I know I sound like a "Loverboy" right now but this is just how I feel.'' Jayce leaned up kinda slumped over the edge of the hospital bed and looked back at Brittany.   "Jayce, I don't get it why are you worried about me when I'm perfectly fine. The only reason I was crying is because I was worried about you baby. You didnt know you were going to get that phone call and you didn't know what happened was going to happened. I'm here for you, Im ridin' for you and it dosen't matter what it is. As long as you good, Im good,. '' Jayce leaned in to kidd Brittany and right when there lips touched.  "Love you already bae,"  Jayce said.  "Think I loved you before I met you," Brittt repiled.     They embarced with a very passionate kiss. After the heavenly kiss Jayce looked over at Sage who was sitting on Laith's lap in the hospital chair and said, "I appreciate your concern Sage.  Thats nothing but love, and I sincerly mean that. And like I just told your sister I promise I won't put her in harms way ever again.'' Sage couldnt help but blush Jayce was so cute with his puppy dog eyes and she knew he was so sincere. Sage looked at Jayce from across the room and said, "I believe you Jayce and  I trust you with her  and that's crazy becuase I usually dont trust anybody with her... or me.''    "I definetly understand.  So I don't know about y'all but I',m ready to bounce up out this muafucka" stated Jayce. "What you mean my nigga? You still got gause wrapped up round ya rib cage!'' Laith couldnt believe his ears. "Right,  since a nigga wrapped up that mean I can get the fuck up outta here and go handle our buisness," Jayce stated with the most serious facial expression in the room. Laith knew his brother wasn't one of them type of "Let shit go" niggas.  He knew all that was on his brothers mind right now was revenge.'' Laith couldnt blame him because he raised him that way.   "Nah , Im not sure I'm comfortable with that. You just got shot not even 3 hours ago.''  ''Thats not the point."  "Then what is?" Jayce and Britt went back and forth while Sage and Laith sat and listened as the smaller sibilings figured out their next move. Laith being the older brother wanted to step in and tell Britt to fall back because she dosent know anything about this life however, he understood both persepectives of the situation. As far as Laith and Sage could see neither one of them understood what the argument was about because if the roles were reversed Sage wouldn't have a thing to say she would be down for whatever with her man .... and Laith knew that.   Sage was the epitamy of a "Rider.''  "Listen, Brittany,the point is I'm fine and  I'm up walking, talking and all that extra shit. If you think I'm about to sit up in this bed and feel sorry for myself you got me fucked up ... straight up.  I ain't cut like that. Now that this situation has been explained and analyzed, the fact of the matter is I'm about to get up out this bed and put on my clothes and  your going to help me. After I'm done putting on my clothes Laith taking all of us back to your crib."     "I wanna be with you, I really dont want to leave your side.  Jayce dont leave I'll be worried to death about you the whole time your gone." Britt was in her feelings. Laith shook his head as he looked down at the hospiatl floor.  Laith was aware that pussy had power and was nervous about what Jayce response would be to Brittany's proposal. Jayce faced Britany once again and grabbed both of her hands this time and looked her directly in the eyes. "I understand baby girl, you know I don't want to leave you. Being around you these past couple days I've felt so comfortable and I really don't wish to change that. I gotta be honest with you baby, I have some niggas outta Jacksonville gunnin' for me and if I don't handle my buisness accuratly then it will  be way more than a bullet grazing my side.''    In tears Brittany whispered, "I understand you gotta do what you gotta do. All I know is not a hair on your head better not be missinig cuss I really can't deal with anymore cold ass hospitals.'' As Jayce hugged Brittany on the hospital bed he reassured her she had nothing to be worried about. Sage and Laith exchanged looks and kissed eachother (It was just one big ass love fest in room 526). Laith being the impacient one stood up and said, "Now that we have all established that there is nothing but love in this room, what we finna do bruh," (shooting that question toward Jayce)  followed up with another question.    "So are we going to sneak Jayce up outta here or are we just gone thug it and walk straight out the front entarance?" "If it's one thing I know is that the Hakeem's dont seem to be scared of shit, so why not walk through the damn entrance? Who gone say sum bout it?" Sage stood up and politiced. Jayce was already in motion putting back on his Levi jeans with his matching Versace shirt and belt when he stated,"You damn right Sis and  I like the way you think.''  Brittany was helping him put on his shoes, Sage was making sure her make-up was in place and not looking ratchet from the previous tears she shed, and Laith was looking out all windows to make sure 12 (The police) wasn't anywhere in the realm.    The last thing they needed was MORE attention. After everybody gave each other the look to make sure no one looked a mess or conspicuious Jayce said "Lets Pray". All four of them  stood in a circle in the middle of the room and held hands a bowed their heads. Naturally Jayce went on to lead the prayer.  "Father God we come to you and give you thanks because all of us standing her are truly blessed.  He paused...especially me after today. God all mighty we ask that you give us clarity and guidance along with having your blessings all over us.''  ''Amen'' we all said in unison.   "Lets slide fam," Laith concluded. As they walked out of the room 526 Brittany was suprised to see that Jayce could still walk right, from a distance you couldn't even tell something was wrong with him. "Damn bae , you look good and it  don't even look like you've been shot," Britt stated as they walked through the elevator doors. "Hakeem blood plus the looks," he said with a smirk on his face. As the elevator doors opened to signal that they had reached the lobby floor all four of them exited the elevator and walked straight out the door. The ratchet receptionist looked like she wanted to say something but Brittany and Sage shot her look that said "Bitch, It's in your better intrest not to.'' Hoping into Laith's Audi was the best relief of the whole damn day. Full Of Meetings & Ideas Balcony View   Sage's Room   When they arrived back to the girls loft apartment it was 6 o'clock and it was already dark outside. Jayce asked Laith to step outside on the balcony to have a "talk". Meanwhile the girls figured they needed to have some 1 on 1 as well , Sage definetly had something to say.      "Listen Brittany I'm so glad your ok , but I just want to let you know all this is par for the course ... I mean we aint fucking wit no "panny anny" lowkey ass street thugs ... Laith and Jayce are diffrent they're touching real money ... this aint no shit for the weak-hearted. I know you a strong girl and all but I just wanted to make sure you understand everything thats going on." "I understand what you saying , you know I already peeped what was up when they said their father was Benzie Benno , I just reallly wasnt ready for today- that threw me way off" Brittany stated with sorrow and relif in the same breath. "I know that and thats what I'm trying to tell you , you have to stay ready for some crazy shit like that .... this isnt Basketball Wives or The Real Houswives of Atlanta". "I get what you saying , but damn can you back the fuck up ! I know all that is coming along with the boys but regardless of whatever I have feelings for Jayce and seeing all that shit earlier today got me thinking.... Dont sit here and act like if the shoe was on the other foot you wouldnt be shaken up to ..... Thats the probelm Sage I know you have more experience with this shit but just give me a break". After that Brittany stormed outta the room into the kitchen.       "Wassup my nigga , whats the plan? I know you wasnt quiet as a chruch mouse in the car for no reason ... I know you was thinking of something" Laith questiuoned. "You already know I was thinking about.. a way to clap back Publication Date: April 13th 2015 https://www.bookrix.com/-tte25da642a5825

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William Shakespeare The Taming of the Shrew Dramatis Personae Persons in the Induction A LORD CHRISTOPHER SLY, a tinker HOSTESS PAGE PLAYERS HUNTSMEN SERVANTS BAPTISTA MINOLA, a rich eman of Padua VINCENTIO, an old gentleman of Pisa LUCENTIO, son to Vincentio; in love with Bianca PETRUCHIO, a gentleman of Verona; suitor to Katherina Suitors to Bianca GREMIO HORTENSIO Servants to Lucentio TRANIO BIONDELLO Servants to Petruchio GRUMIO CURTIS PEDANT, set up to personate Vincentio Daughters to Baptista KATHERINA, the shrew BIANCA WIDOW Tailor, Haberdasher, and Servants attending on Baptista and Petruchio SCENE: Sometimes in Padua, and sometimes in PETRUCHIO'S house in the country. INDUCTION. SCENE I. Before an alehouse on a heath. [Enter HOSTESS and SLY.] SLY. I'll pheeze you, in faith. HOSTESS. A pair of stocks, you rogue! SLY. Y'are a baggage; the Slys are no rogues; look in the chronicles: we came in with Richard Conqueror. Therefore, paucas pallabris; let the world slide. Sessa! HOSTESS. You will not pay for the glasses you have burst? SLY. No, not a denier. Go by, Saint Jeronimy, go to thy cold bed and warm thee. HOSTESS. I know my remedy; I must go fetch the third-borough. [Exit.] SLY. Third, or fourth, or fifth borough, I'll answer him by law. I'll not budge an inch, boy: let him come, and kindly. [Lies down on the ground, and falls asleep.] [Horns winded. Enter a LORD from hunting, with Huntsmen and Servants.] LORD. Huntsman, I charge thee, tender well my hounds; Brach Merriman, the poor cur, is emboss'd, And couple Clowder with the deep-mouth'd brach. Saw'st thou not, boy, how Silver made it good At the hedge-corner, in the coldest fault? I would not lose the dog for twenty pound. FIRST HUNTSMAN. Why, Bellman is as good as he, my lord; He cried upon it at the merest loss, And twice to-day pick'd out the dullest scent; Trust me, I take him for the better dog. LORD. Thou art a fool: if Echo were as fleet, I would esteem him worth a dozen such. But sup them well, and look unto them all; To-morrow I intend to hunt again. FIRST HUNTSMAN. I will, my lord. LORD. [ Sees Sly.] What's here? One dead, or drunk? See, doth he breathe? SECOND HUNTSMAN. He breathes, my lord. Were he not warm'd with ale, This were a bed but cold to sleep so soundly. LORD. O monstrous beast! how like a swine he lies! Grim death, how foul and loathsome is thine image! Sirs, I will practise on this drunken man. What think you, if he were convey'd to bed, Wrapp'd in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers, A most delicious banquet by his bed, And brave attendants near him when he wakes, Would not the beggar then forget himself? FIRST HUNTSMAN. Believe me, lord, I think he cannot choose. SECOND HUNTSMAN. It would seem strange unto him when he wak'd. LORD. Even as a flattering dream or worthless fancy. Then take him up, and manage well the jest. Carry him gently to my fairest chamber, And hang it round with all my wanton pictures; Balm his foul head in warm distilled waters, And burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet. Procure me music ready when he wakes, To make a dulcet and a heavenly sound; And if he chance to speak, be ready straight, And with a low submissive reverence Say 'What is it your honour will command?' Let one attend him with a silver basin Full of rose-water and bestrew'd with flowers; Another bear the ewer, the third a diaper, And say 'Will't please your lordship cool your hands?' Some one be ready with a costly suit, And ask him what apparel he will wear; Another tell him of his hounds and horse, And that his lady mourns at his disease. Persuade him that he hath been lunatic; And, when he says he is - say that he dreams, For he is nothing but a mighty lord. This do, and do it kindly, gentle sirs; It will be pastime passing excellent, If it be husbanded with modesty. FIRST HUNTSMAN. My lord, I warrant you we will play our part, As he shall think by our true diligence, He is no less than what we say he is. LORD. Take him up gently, and to bed with him, And each one to his office when he wakes. [SLY is bourne out. A trumpet sounds.] Sirrah, go see what trumpet 'tis that sounds: [Exit SERVANT.] Belike some noble gentleman that means, Travelling some journey, to repose him here. [Re-enter SERVANT.] How now! who is it? SERVANT. An it please your honour, players That offer service to your lordship. LORD. Bid them come near. [Enter PLAYERS.] Now, fellows, you are welcome. PLAYERS. We thank your honour. LORD. Do you intend to stay with me to-night? PLAYER. So please your lordship to accept our duty. LORD. With all my heart. This fellow I remember Since once he play'd a farmer's eldest son; 'Twas where you woo'd the gentlewoman so well. I have forgot your name; but, sure, that part Was aptly fitted and naturally perform'd. PLAYER. I think 'twas Soto that your honour means. LORD. 'Tis very true; thou didst it excellent. Well, you are come to me in happy time, The rather for I have some sport in hand Wherein your cunning can assist me much. There is a lord will hear you play to-night; But I am doubtful of your modesties, Lest, over-eying of his odd behaviour, - For yet his honour never heard a play, - You break into some merry passion And so offend him; for I tell you, sirs, If you should smile, he grows impatient. PLAYER. Fear not, my lord; we can contain ourselves, Were he the veriest antick in the world. LORD. Go, sirrah, take them to the buttery, And give them friendly welcome every one: Let them want nothing that my house affords. [Exit one with the PLAYERS.] Sirrah, go you to Barthol'mew my page, And see him dress'd in all suits like a lady; That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber, And call him 'madam,' do him obeisance. Tell him from me - as he will win my love, - He bear himself with honourable action, Such as he hath observ'd in noble ladies Unto their lords, by them accomplished; Such duty to the drunkard let him do, With soft low tongue and lowly courtesy, And say 'What is't your honour will command, Wherein your lady and your humble wife May show her duty and make known her love?' And then with kind embracements, tempting kisses, And with declining head into his bosom, Bid him shed tears, as being overjoy'd To see her noble lord restor'd to health, Who for this seven years hath esteemed him No better than a poor and loathsome beggar. And if the boy have not a woman's gift To rain a shower of commanded tears, An onion will do well for such a shift, Which, in a napkin being close convey'd, Shall in despite enforce a watery eye. See this dispatch'd with all the haste thou canst; Anon I'll give thee more instructions. [Exit SERVANT.] I know the boy will well usurp the grace, Voice, gait, and action, of a gentlewoman; I long to hear him call the drunkard husband; And how my men will stay themselves from laughter When they do homage to this simple peasant. I'll in to counsel them; haply my presence May well abate the over-merry spleen, Which otherwise would grow into extremes. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. A bedchamber in the LORD'S house. [SLY is discovered in a rich nightgown, with ATTENDANTS: some with apparel, basin, ewer, and other appurtenances; and LORD, dressed like a servant.] SLY. For God's sake! a pot of small ale. FIRST SERVANT. Will't please your lordship drink a cup of sack? SECOND SERVANT. Will't please your honour taste of these conserves? THIRD SERVANT. What raiment will your honour wear to-day? SLY. I am Christophero Sly; call not me honour nor lordship. I ne'er drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef. Ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet: nay, sometime more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my toes look through the over-leather. LORD. Heaven cease this idle humour in your honour! O, that a mighty man of such descent, Of such possessions, and so high esteem, Should be infused with so foul a spirit! SLY. What! would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher Sly, old Sly's son of Burton-heath; by birth a pedlar, by education a card-maker, by transmutation a bear-herd, and now by present profession a tinker? Ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if she know me not: if she say I am not fourteen pence on the score for sheer ale, score me up for the lyingest knave in Christendom. What! I am not bestraught. Here's - THIRD SERVANT. O! this it is that makes your lady mourn. SECOND SERVANT. O! this is it that makes your servants droop. LORD. Hence comes it that your kindred shuns your house, As beaten hence by your strange lunacy. O noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth, Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment, And banish hence these abject lowly dreams. Look how thy servants do attend on thee, Each in his office ready at thy beck: Wilt thou have music? Hark! Apollo plays, [Music] And twenty caged nightingales do sing: Or wilt thou sleep? We'll have thee to a couch Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis. Say thou wilt walk: we will bestrew the ground: Or wilt thou ride? Thy horses shall be trapp'd, Their harness studded all with gold and pearl. Dost thou love hawking? Thou hast hawks will soar Above the morning lark: or wilt thou hunt? Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them And fetch shall echoes from the hollow earth. FIRST SERVANT. Say thou wilt course; thy greyhounds are as swift As breathed stags; ay, fleeter than the roe. SECOND SERVANT. Dost thou love pictures? We will fetch thee straight Adonis painted by a running brook, And Cytherea all in sedges hid, Which seem to move and wanton with her breath Even as the waving sedges play with wind. LORD. We'll show thee Io as she was a maid And how she was beguiled and surpris'd, As lively painted as the deed was done. THIRD SERVANT. Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood, Scratching her legs, that one shall swear she bleeds And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep, So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn. LORD. Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord: Thou hast a lady far more beautiful Than any woman in this waning age. FIRST SERVANT. And, till the tears that she hath shed for thee Like envious floods o'er-run her lovely face, She was the fairest creature in the world; And yet she is inferior to none. SLY. Am I a lord? and have I such a lady? Or do I dream? Or have I dream'd till now? I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak; I smell sweet savours, and I feel soft things: Upon my life, I am a lord indeed; And not a tinker, nor Christophero Sly. Well, bring our lady hither to our sight; And once again, a pot o' the smallest ale. SECOND SERVANT. Will't please your mightiness to wash your hands? [Servants present a ewer, basin, and napkin.] O, how we joy to see your wit restor'd! O, that once more you knew but what you are! These fifteen years you have been in a dream, Or, when you wak'd, so wak'd as if you slept. SLY. These fifteen years! by my fay, a goodly nap. But did I never speak of all that time? FIRST SERVANT. O! yes, my lord, but very idle words; For though you lay here in this goodly chamber, Yet would you say ye were beaten out of door, And rail upon the hostess of the house, And say you would present her at the leet, Because she brought stone jugs and no seal'd quarts. Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket. SLY. Ay, the woman's maid of the house. THIRD SERVANT. Why, sir, you know no house nor no such maid, Nor no such men as you have reckon'd up, As Stephen Sly, and old John Naps of Greece, And Peter Turf, and Henry Pimpernell; And twenty more such names and men as these, Which never were, nor no man ever saw. SLY. Now, Lord be thanked for my good amends! ALL. Amen. SLY. I thank thee; thou shalt not lose by it. [Enter the PAGE, as a lady, with ATTENDANTS.] PAGE. How fares my noble lord? SLY. Marry, I fare well; for here is cheer enough. Where is my wife? PAGE. Here, noble lord: what is thy will with her? SLY. Are you my wife, and will not call me husband? My men should call me lord: I am your goodman. PAGE. My husband and my lord, my lord and husband; I am your wife in all obedience. SLY. I know it well. What must I call her? LORD. Madam. SLY. Al'ce madam, or Joan madam? LORD. Madam, and nothing else; so lords call ladies. SLY. Madam wife, they say that I have dream'd And slept above some fifteen year or more. PAGE. Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me, Being all this time abandon'd from your bed. SLY. 'Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone. Madam, undress you, and come now to bed. PAGE. Thrice noble lord, let me entreat of you To pardon me yet for a night or two; Or, if not so, until the sun be set: For your physicians have expressly charg'd, In peril to incur your former malady, That I should yet absent me from your bed: I hope this reason stands for my excuse. SLY. Ay, it stands so that I may hardly tarry so long; but I would be loath to fall into my dreams again: I will therefore tarry, in despite of the flesh and the blood. [Enter a SERVANT.] SERVANT. Your honour's players, hearing your amendment, Are come to play a pleasant comedy; For so your doctors hold it very meet, Seeing too much sadness hath congeal'd your blood, And melancholy is the nurse of frenzy: Therefore they thought it good you hear a play, And frame your mind to mirth and merriment, Which bars a thousand harms and lengthens life. SLY. Marry, I will; let them play it. Is not a commonty a Christmas gambold or a tumbling-trick? PAGE. No, my good lord; it is more pleasing stuff. SLY. What! household stuff? PAGE. It is a kind of history. SLY. Well, we'll see't. Come, madam wife, sit by my side and let the world slip: we shall ne'er be younger. [Flourish.] ACT I. SCENE I. Padua. A public place. [Enter LUCENTIO and TRANIO.] LUCENTIO. Tranio, since for the great desire I had To see fair Padua, nursery of arts, I am arriv'd for fruitful Lombardy, The pleasant garden of great Italy, And by my father's love and leave am arm'd With his good will and thy good company, My trusty servant well approv'd in all, Here let us breathe, and haply institute A course of learning and ingenious studies. Pisa, renowned for grave citizens, Gave me my being and my father first, A merchant of great traffic through the world, Vincentio, come of the Bentivolii. Vincentio's son, brought up in Florence, It shall become to serve all hopes conceiv'd, To deck his fortune with his virtuous deeds: And therefore, Tranio, for the time I study, Virtue and that part of philosophy Will I apply that treats of happiness By virtue specially to be achiev'd. Tell me thy mind; for I have Pisa left And am to Padua come as he that leaves A shallow plash to plunge him in the deep, And with satiety seeks to quench his thirst. TRANIO. Mi perdonato, gentle master mine; I am in all affected as yourself; Glad that you thus continue your resolve To suck the sweets of sweet philosophy. Only, good master, while we do admire This virtue and this moral discipline, Let's be no stoics nor no stocks, I pray; Or so devote to Aristotle's checks As Ovid be an outcast quite abjur'd. Balk logic with acquaintance that you have, And practise rhetoric in your common talk; Music and poesy use to quicken you; The mathematics and the metaphysics, Fall to them as you find your stomach serves you: No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en; In brief, sir, study what you most affect. LUCENTIO. Gramercies, Tranio, well dost thou advise. If, Biondello, thou wert come ashore, We could at once put us in readiness, And take a lodging fit to entertain Such friends as time in Padua shall beget. But stay awhile; what company is this? TRANIO. Master, some show to welcome us to town. [Enter BAPTISTA, KATHERINA, BIANCA, GREMIO,and HORTENSIO. LUCENTIO and TRANIO stand aside.] BAPTISTA. Gentlemen, importune me no further, For how I firmly am resolv'd you know; That is, not to bestow my youngest daughter Before I have a husband for the elder. If either of you both love Katherina, Because I know you well and love you well, Leave shall you have to court her at your pleasure. GREMIO. To cart her rather: she's too rough for me. There, there, Hortensio, will you any wife? KATHERINA. [To BAPTISTA] I pray you, sir, is it your will To make a stale of me amongst these mates? HORTENSIO. Mates, maid! How mean you that? No mates for you, Unless you were of gentler, milder mould. KATHERINA. I' faith, sir, you shall never need to fear; I wis it is not halfway to her heart; But if it were, doubt not her care should be To comb your noddle with a three-legg'd stool, And paint your face, and use you like a fool. HORTENSIO. From all such devils, good Lord deliver us! GREMIO. And me, too, good Lord! TRANIO. Husht, master! Here's some good pastime toward: That wench is stark mad or wonderful froward. LUCENTIO. But in the other's silence do I see Maid's mild behaviour and sobriety. Peace, Tranio! TRANIO. Well said, master; mum! and gaze your fill. BAPTISTA. Gentlemen, that I may soon make good What I have said, - Bianca, get you in: And let it not displease thee, good Bianca, For I will love thee ne'er the less, my girl. KATHERINA. A pretty peat! it is best Put finger in the eye, an she knew why. BIANCA. Sister, content you in my discontent. Sir, to your pleasure humbly I subscribe: My books and instruments shall be my company, On them to look, and practise by myself. LUCENTIO. Hark, Tranio! thou mayst hear Minerva speak. HORTENSIO. Signior Baptista, will you be so strange? Sorry am I that our good will effects Bianca's grief. GREMIO. Why will you mew her up, Signior Baptista, for this fiend of hell, And make her bear the penance of her tongue? BAPTISTA. Gentlemen, content ye; I am resolv'd. Go in, Bianca. [Exit BIANCA.] And for I know she taketh most delight In music, instruments, and poetry, Schoolmasters will I keep within my house Fit to instruct her youth. If you, Hortensio, Or, Signior Gremio, you, know any such, Prefer them hither; for to cunning men I will be very kind, and liberal To mine own children in good bringing up; And so, farewell. Katherina, you may stay; For I have more to commune with Bianca. [Exit.] KATHERINA. Why, and I trust I may go too, may I not? What! shall I be appointed hours, as though, belike, I knew not what to take and what to leave? Ha! [Exit.] GREMIO. You may go to the devil's dam: your gifts are so good here's none will hold you. Their love is not so great, Hortensio, but we may blow our nails together, and fast it fairly out; our cake's dough on both sides. Farewell: yet, for the love I bear my sweet Bianca, if I can by any means light on a fit man to teach her that wherein she delights, I will wish him to her father. HORTENSIO. So will I, Signior Gremio: but a word, I pray. Though the nature of our quarrel yet never brooked parle, know now, upon advice, it toucheth us both, - that we may yet again have access to our fair mistress, and be happy rivals in Bianca's love, - to labour and effect one thing specially. GREMIO. What's that, I pray? HORTENSIO. Marry, sir, to get a husband for her sister. GREMIO. A husband! a devil. HORTENSIO. I say, a husband. GREMIO. I say, a devil. Thinkest thou, Hortensio, though her fatherbe very rich, any man is so very a fool to be married to hell? HORTENSIO. Tush, Gremio! Though it pass your patience and mine to endure her loud alarums, why, man, there be good fellows in the world, an a man could light on them, would take her with all faults, and money enough. GREMIO. I cannot tell; but I had as lief take her dowry with this condition: to be whipp'd at the high cross every morning. HORTENSIO. Faith, as you say, there's small choice in rotten apples. But, come; since this bar in law makes us friends, it shall be so far forth friendly maintained, till by helping Baptista's eldest daughter to a husband, we set his youngest free for a husband, and then have to't afresh. Sweet Bianca! Happy man be his dole! He that runs fastest gets the ring. How say you, Signior Gremio? GREMIO. I am agreed; and would I had given him the best horse in Padua to begin his wooing, that would thoroughly woo her, wed her, and bed her, and rid the house of her. Come on. [Exeunt GREMIO and HORTENSIO.] TRANIO. I pray, sir, tell me, is it possible That love should of a sudden take such hold? LUCENTIO. O Tranio! till I found it to be true, I never thought it possible or likely; But see, while idly I stood looking on, I found the effect of love in idleness; And now in plainness do confess to thee, That art to me as secret and as dear As Anna to the Queen of Carthage was, Tranio, I burn, I pine, I perish, Tranio, If I achieve not this young modest girl. Counsel me, Tranio, for I know thou canst: Assist me, Tranio, for I know thou wilt. TRANIO. Master, it is no time to chide you now; Affection is not rated from the heart: If love have touch'd you, nought remains but so: Redime te captum quam queas minimo. LUCENTIO. Gramercies, lad; go forward; this contents; The rest will comfort, for thy counsel's sound. TRANIO. Master, you look'd so longly on the maid. Perhaps you mark'd not what's the pith of all. LUCENTIO. O, yes, I saw sweet beauty in her face, Such as the daughter of Agenor had, That made great Jove to humble him to her hand, When with his knees he kiss'd the Cretan strand. TRANIO. Saw you no more? mark'd you not how her sister Began to scold and raise up such a storm That mortal ears might hardly endure the din? LUCENTIO. Tranio, I saw her coral lips to move, And with her breath she did perfume the air; Sacred and sweet was all I saw in her. TRANIO. Nay, then, 'tis time to stir him from his trance. I pray, awake, sir: if you love the maid, Bend thoughts and wits to achieve her. Thus it stands: Her elder sister is so curst and shrewd, That till the father rid his hands of her, Master, your love must live a maid at home; And therefore has he closely mew'd her up, Because she will not be annoy'd with suitors. LUCENTIO. Ah, Tranio, what a cruel father's he! But art thou not advis'd he took some care To get her cunning schoolmasters to instruct her? TRANIO. Ay, marry, am I, sir, and now 'tis plotted. LUCENTIO. I have it, Tranio. TRANIO. Master, for my hand, Both our inventions meet and jump in one. LUCENTIO. Tell me thine first. TRANIO. You will be schoolmaster, And undertake the teaching of the maid: That's your device. LUCENTIO. It is: may it be done? TRANIO. Not possible; for who shall bear your part And be in Padua here Vincentio's son; Keep house and ply his book, welcome his friends; Visit his countrymen, and banquet them? LUCENTIO. Basta; content thee, for I have it full. We have not yet been seen in any house, Nor can we be distinguish'd by our faces For man or master: then it follows thus: Thou shalt be master, Tranio, in my stead, Keep house and port and servants, as I should; I will some other be; some Florentine, Some Neapolitan, or meaner man of Pisa. 'Tis hatch'd, and shall be so: Tranio, at once Uncase thee; take my colour'd hat and cloak. When Biondello comes, he waits on thee; But I will charm him first to keep his tongue. [They exchange habits] TRANIO. So had you need. In brief, sir, sith it your pleasure is, And I am tied to be obedient; For so your father charg'd me at our parting, 'Be serviceable to my son,' quoth he, Although I think 'twas in another sense: I am content to be Lucentio, Because so well I love Lucentio. LUCENTIO. Tranio, be so, because Lucentio loves; And let me be a slave, to achieve that maid Whose sudden sight hath thrall'd my wounded eye. Here comes the rogue. [Enter BIONDELLO.] Sirrah, where have you been? BIONDELLO. Where have I been! Nay, how now! where are you? Master, has my fellow Tranio stol'n your clothes? Or you stol'n his? or both? Pray, what's the news? LUCENTIO. Sirrah, come hither: 'tis no time to jest, And therefore frame your manners to the time. Your fellow Tranio here, to save my life, Puts my apparel and my count'nance on, And I for my escape have put on his; For in a quarrel since I came ashore I kill'd a man, and fear I was descried. Wait you on him, I charge you, as becomes, While I make way from hence to save my life. You understand me? BIONDELLO. I, sir! Ne'er a whit. LUCENTIO. And not a jot of Tranio in your mouth: Tranio is changed to Lucentio. BIONDELLO. The better for him: would I were so too! TRANIO. So could I, faith, boy, to have the next wish after, That Lucentio indeed had Baptista's youngest daughter. But, sirrah, not for my sake but your master's, I advise You use your manners discreetly in all kind of companies: When I am alone, why, then I am Tranio; But in all places else your master, Lucentio. LUCENTIO. Tranio, let's go. One thing more rests, that thyself execute, to make one among these wooers: if thou ask me why, sufficeth my reasons are both good and weighty. [Exeunt.] [The Presenters above speak.] FIRST SERVANT. My lord, you nod; you do not mind the play. SLY. Yes, by Saint Anne, I do. A good matter, surely: comes there any more of it? PAGE. My lord, 'tis but begun. SLY. 'Tis a very excellent piece of work, madam lady: would 'twere done! [They sit and mark.] SCENE II. Padua. Before HORTENSIO'S house. [Enter PETRUCHIO and his man GRUMIO.] PETRUCHIO. Verona, for a while I take my leave, To see my friends in Padua; but of all My best beloved and approved friend, Hortensio; and I trow this is his house. Here, sirrah Grumio, knock, I say. GRUMIO. Knock, sir! Whom should I knock? Is there any man has rebused your worship? PETRUCHIO. Villain, I say, knock me here soundly. GRUMIO. Knock you here, sir! Why, sir, what am I, sir, that I should knock you here, sir? PETRUCHIO. Villain, I say, knock me at this gate; And rap me well, or I'll knock your knave's pate. GRUMIO. My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock you first, And then I know after who comes by the worst. PETRUCHIO. Will it not be? Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll ring it; I'll try how you can sol,fa, and sing it. [He wrings GRUMIO by the ears.] GRUMIO. Help, masters, help! my master is mad. PETRUCHIO. Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain! [Enter HORTENSIO.] HORTENSIO. How now! what's the matter? My old friend Grumio! and my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona? PETRUCHIO. Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray? Con tutto il cuore ben trovato, may I say. HORTENSIO. Alla nostra casa ben venuto; molto honorato signor mio Petruchio. Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound this quarrel. GRUMIO. Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin. If this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service, look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to use his master so; being, perhaps, for aught I see, two-and-thirty, a pip out? Whom would to God I had well knock'd at first, Then had not Grumio come by the worst. PETRUCHIO. A senseless villain! Good Hortensio, I bade the rascal knock upon your gate, And could not get him for my heart to do it. GRUMIO. Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these words plain: 'Sirrah knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And come you now with 'knocking at the gate'? PETRUCHIO. Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you. HORTENSIO. Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio's pledge; Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and you, Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio. And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale Blows you to Padua here from old Verona? PETRUCHIO. Such wind as scatters young men through the world To seek their fortunes farther than at home, Where small experience grows. But in a few, Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me: Antonio, my father, is deceas'd, And I have thrust myself into this maze, Haply to wive and thrive as best I may; Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home, And so am come abroad to see the world. HORTENSIO. Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife? Thou'dst thank me but a little for my counsel; And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich, And very rich: but th'art too much my friend, And I'll not wish thee to her. PETRUCHIO. Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife, As wealth is burden of my wooing dance, Be she as foul as was Florentius' love, As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd As Socrates' Xanthippe or a worse, She moves me not, or not removes, at least, Affection's edge in me, were she as rough As are the swelling Adriatic seas: I come to wive it wealthily in Padua; If wealthily, then happily in Padua. GRUMIO. Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind is: why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her head, though she has as many diseases as two-and-fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal. HORTENSIO. Petruchio, since we are stepp'd thus far in, I will continue that I broach'd in jest. I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife With wealth enough, and young and beauteous; Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman: Her only fault, - and that is faults enough, - Is, that she is intolerable curst And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure, That, were my state far worser than it is, I would not wed her for a mine of gold. PETRUCHIO. Hortensio, peace! thou know'st not gold's effect: Tell me her father's name, and 'tis enough; For I will board her, though she chide as loud As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack. HORTENSIO. Her father is Baptista Minola, An affable and courteous gentleman; Her name is Katherina Minola, Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue. PETRUCHIO. I know her father, though I know not her; And he knew my deceased father well. I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her; And therefore let me be thus bold with you, To give you over at this first encounter, Unless you will accompany me thither. GRUMIO. I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts. O' my word, an she knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good upon him. She may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so; why, that's nothing; and he begin once, he'll rail in his rope-tricks. I'll tell you what, sir, an she stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in her face, and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir. HORTENSIO. Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee, For in Baptista's keep my treasure is: He hath the jewel of my life in hold, His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca, And her withholds from me and other more, Suitors to her and rivals in my love; Supposing it a thing impossible, For those defects I have before rehears'd, That ever Katherina will be woo'd: Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en, That none shall have access unto Bianca Till Katherine the curst have got a husband. GRUMIO. Katherine the curst! A title for a maid of all titles the worst. HORTENSIO. Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace, And offer me disguis'd in sober robes, To old Baptista as a schoolmaster Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca; That so I may, by this device at least Have leave and leisure to make love to her, And unsuspected court her by herself. GRUMIO. Here's no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks, how the young folks lay their heads together! [Enter GREMIO, and LUCENTIO disguised, with books under his arm.] Master, master, look about you: who goes there, ha? HORTENSIO. Peace, Grumio! 'tis the rival of my love. Petruchio, stand by awhile. GRUMIO. A proper stripling, and an amorous! GREMIO. O! very well; I have perus'd the note. Hark you, sir; I'll have them very fairly bound: All books of love, see that at any hand, And see you read no other lectures to her. You understand me. Over and beside Signior Baptista's liberality, I'll mend it with a largess. Take your papers too, And let me have them very well perfum'd; For she is sweeter than perfume itself To whom they go to. What will you read to her? LUCENTIO. Whate'er I read to her, I'll plead for you, As for my patron, stand you so assur'd, As firmly as yourself were still in place; Yea, and perhaps with more successful words Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir. GREMIO. O! this learning, what a thing it is. GRUMIO. O! this woodcock, what an ass it is. PETRUCHIO. Peace, sirrah! HORTENSIO. Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio! GREMIO. And you are well met, Signior Hortensio. Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola. I promis'd to enquire carefully About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca; And by good fortune I have lighted well On this young man; for learning and behaviour Fit for her turn, well read in poetry And other books, good ones, I warrant ye. HORTENSIO. 'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman Hath promis'd me to help me to another, A fine musician to instruct our mistress: So shall I no whit be behind in duty To fair Bianca, so belov'd of me. GREMIO. Belov'd of me, and that my deeds shall prove. GRUMIO. [Aside.] And that his bags shall prove. HORTENSIO. Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love: Listen to me, and if you speak me fair, I'll tell you news indifferent good for either. Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met, Upon agreement from us to his liking, Will undertake to woo curst Katherine; Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please. GREMIO. So said, so done, is well. Hortensio, have you told him all her faults? PETRUCHIO. I know she is an irksome brawling scold; If that be all, masters, I hear no harm. GREMIO. No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman? PETRUCHIO. Born in Verona, old Antonio's son. My father dead, my fortune lives for me; And I do hope good days and long to see. GREMIO. O Sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange! But if you have a stomach, to't i' God's name; You shall have me assisting you in all. But will you woo this wild-cat? PETRUCHIO. Will I live? GRUMIO. Will he woo her? Ay, or I'll hang her. PETRUCHIO. Why came I hither but to that intent? Think you a little din can daunt mine ears? Have I not in my time heard lions roar? Have I not heard the sea, puff'd up with winds, Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat? Have I not heard great ordnance in the field, And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies? Have I not in a pitched battle heard Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang? And do you tell me of a woman's tongue, That gives not half so great a blow to hear As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire? Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs. GRUMIO. [Aside] For he fears none. GREMIO. Hortensio, hark: This gentleman is happily arriv'd, My mind presumes, for his own good and ours. HORTENSIO. I promis'd we would be contributors, And bear his charge of wooing, whatsoe'er. GREMIO. And so we will, provided that he win her. GRUMIO. I would I were as sure of a good dinner. [Enter TRANIO, bravely apparelled;and BIONDELLO.] TRANIO. Gentlemen, God save you! If I may be bold, Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way To the house of Signior Baptista Minola? BIONDELLO. He that has the two fair daughters; is't he you mean? TRANIO. Even he, Biondello! GREMIO. Hark you, sir, you mean not her to - TRANIO. Perhaps him and her, sir; what have you to do? PETRUCHIO. Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray. TRANIO. I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let's away. LUCENTIO. [Aside] Well begun, Tranio. HORTENSIO. Sir, a word ere you go. Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of, yea or no? TRANIO. And if I be, sir, is it any offence? GREMIO. No; if without more words you will get you hence. TRANIO. Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free For me as for you? GREMIO. But so is not she. TRANIO. For what reason, I beseech you? GREMIO. For this reason, if you'll know, That she's the choice love of Signior Gremio. HORTENSIO. That she's the chosen of Signior Hortensio. TRANIO. Softly, my masters! If you be gentlemen, Do me this right; hear me with patience. Baptista is a noble gentleman, To whom my father is not all unknown; And were his daughter fairer than she is, She may more suitors have, and me for one. Fair Leda's daughter had a thousand wooers; Then well one more may fair Bianca have; And so she shall: Lucentio shall make one, Though Paris came in hope to speed alone. GREMIO. What!this gentleman will out-talk us all. LUCENTIO. Sir, give him head; I know he'll prove a jade. PETRUCHIO. Hortensio, to what end are all these words? HORTENSIO. Sir, let me be so bold as ask you, Did you yet ever see Baptista's daughter? TRANIO. No, sir, but hear I do that he hath two, The one as famous for a scolding tongue As is the other for beauteous modesty. PETRUCHIO. Sir, sir, the first's for me; let her go by. GREMIO. Yea, leave that labour to great Hercules, And let it be more than Alcides' twelve. PETRUCHIO. Sir, understand you this of me, in sooth: The youngest daughter, whom you hearken for, Her father keeps from all access of suitors, And will not promise her to any man Until the elder sister first be wed; The younger then is free, and not before. TRANIO. If it be so, sir, that you are the man Must stead us all, and me amongst the rest; And if you break the ice, and do this feat, Achieve the elder, set the younger free For our access, whose hap shall be to have her Will not so graceless be to be ingrate. HORTENSIO. Sir, you say well, and well you do conceive; And since you do profess to be a suitor, You must, as we do, gratify this gentleman, To whom we all rest generally beholding. TRANIO. Sir, I shall not be slack; in sign whereof, Please ye we may contrive this afternoon, And quaff carouses to our mistress' health; And do as adversaries do in law, Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends. GRUMIO, BIONDELLO. O excellent motion! Fellows, let's be gone. HORTENSIO. The motion's good indeed, and be it so: - Petruchio, I shall be your ben venuto. [Exeunt.] ACT II. SCENE I. Padua. A room in BAPTISTA'S house. [Enter KATHERINA and BIANCA.] BIANCA. Good sister, wrong me not, nor wrong yourself, To make a bondmaid and a slave of me; That I disdain; but for these other gawds, Unbind my hands, I'll pull them off myself, Yea, all my raiment, to my petticoat; Or what you will command me will I do, So well I know my duty to my elders. KATHERINA. Of all thy suitors here I charge thee tell Whom thou lov'st best: see thou dissemble not. BIANCA. Believe me, sister, of all the men alive I never yet beheld that special face Which I could fancy more than any other. KATHERINA. Minion, thou liest. Is't not Hortensio? BIANCA. If you affect him, sister, here I swear I'll plead for you myself but you shall have him. KATHERINA. O! then, belike, you fancy riches more: You will have Gremio to keep you fair. BIANCA. Is it for him you do envy me so? Nay, then you jest; and now I well perceive You have but jested with me all this while: I prithee, sister Kate, untie my hands. KATHERINA. If that be jest, then an the rest was so. [Strikes her.] [Enter BAPTISTA.] BAPTISTA. Why, how now, dame! Whence grows this insolence? Bianca, stand aside. Poor girl! she weeps. Go ply thy needle; meddle not with her. For shame, thou hilding of a devilish spirit, Why dost thou wrong her that did ne'er wrong thee? When did she cross thee with a bitter word? KATHERINA. Her silence flouts me, and I'll be reveng'd. [Flies after BIANCA.] BAPTISTA. What! in my sight? Bianca, get thee in. [Exit BIANCA.] KATHERINA. What! will you not suffer me? Nay, now I see She is your treasure, she must have a husband; I must dance bare-foot on her wedding-day, And, for your love to her, lead apes in hell. Talk not to me: I will go sit and weep Till I can find occasion of revenge. [Exit.] BAPTISTA. Was ever gentleman thus griev'd as I? But who comes here? [Enter GREMIO, with LUCENTIO in the habit of a mean man; PETRUCHIO, with HORTENSIO as a musician; and TRANIO, with BIONDELLO bearing a lute and books.] GREMIO. Good morrow, neighbour Baptista. BAPTISTA. Good morrow, neighbour Gremio. God save you, gentlemen! PETRUCHIO. And you, good sir! Pray, have you not a daughter Call'd Katherina, fair and virtuous? BAPTISTA. I have a daughter, sir, call'd Katherina. GREMIO. You are too blunt: go to it orderly. PETRUCHIO. You wrong me, Signior Gremio: give me leave. I am a gentleman of Verona, sir, That, hearing of her beauty and her wit, Her affability and bashful modesty, Her wondrous qualities and mild behaviour, Am bold to show myself a forward guest Within your house, to make mine eye the witness Of that report which I so oft have heard. And, for an entrance to my entertainment, I do present you with a man of mine, [Presenting HORTENSIO.] Cunning in music and the mathematics, To instruct her fully in those sciences, Whereof I know she is not ignorant. Accept of him, or else you do me wrong: His name is Licio, born in Mantua. BAPTISTA. You're welcome, sir, and he for your good sake; But for my daughter Katherine, this I know, She is not for your turn, the more my grief. PETRUCHIO. I see you do not mean to part with her; Or else you like not of my company. BAPTISTA. Mistake me not; I speak but as I find. Whence are you, sir? What may I call your name? PETRUCHIO. Petruchio is my name, Antonio's son; A man well known throughout all Italy. BAPTISTA. I know him well: you are welcome for his sake. GREMIO. Saving your tale, Petruchio, I pray, Let us, that are poor petitioners, speak too. Backare! you are marvellous forward. PETRUCHIO. O, pardon me, Signior Gremio; I would fain be doing. GREMIO. I doubt it not, sir; but you will curse your wooing. Neighbour, this is a gift very grateful, I am sure of it. To express the like kindness, myself, that have been more kindly beholding to you than any, freely give unto you this young scholar, [Presenting LUCENTIO.] that has been long studying at Rheims; as cunning in Greek, Latin, and other languages, as the other in music and mathematics. His name is Cambio; pray accept his service. BAPTISTA. A thousand thanks, Signior Gremio; welcome, good Cambio. - [To TRANIO.] But, gentle sir, methinks you walk like a stranger: may I be so bold to know the cause of your coming? TRANIO. Pardon me, sir, the boldness is mine own, That, being a stranger in this city here, Do make myself a suitor to your daughter, Unto Bianca, fair and virtuous. Nor is your firm resolve unknown to me, In the preferment of the eldest sister. This liberty is all that I request, That, upon knowledge of my parentage, I may have welcome 'mongst the rest that woo, And free access and favour as the rest: And, toward the education of your daughters, I here bestow a simple instrument, And this small packet of Greek and Latin books: If you accept them, then their worth is great. BAPTISTA. Lucentio is your name, of whence, I pray? TRANIO. Of Pisa, sir; son to Vincentio. BAPTISTA. A mighty man of Pisa: by report I know him well: you are very welcome, sir. [To HORTENSIO.] Take you the lute, [To LUCENTIO.] and you the set of books; You shall go see your pupils presently. Holla, within! [Enter a SERVANT.] Sirrah, lead these gentlemen To my two daughters, and tell them both These are their tutors: bid them use them well. [Exit SERVANT, with HORTENSIO, LUCENTIO, and BIONDELLO.] We will go walk a little in the orchard, And then to dinner. You are passing welcome, And so I pray you all to think yourselves. PETRUCHIO. Signior Baptista, my business asketh haste, And every day I cannot come to woo. You knew my father well, and in him me, Left solely heir to all his lands and goods, Which I have bettered rather than decreas'd: Then tell me, if I get your daughter's love, What dowry shall I have with her to wife? BAPTISTA. After my death, the one half of my lands, And in possession twenty thousand crowns. PETRUCHIO. And, for that dowry, I'll assure her of Her widowhood, be it that she survive me, In all my lands and leases whatsoever. Let specialities be therefore drawn between us, That covenants may be kept on either hand. BAPTISTA. Ay, when the special thing is well obtain'd, That is, her love; for that is all in all. PETRUCHIO. Why, that is nothing; for I tell you, father, I am as peremptory as she proud-minded; And where two raging fires meet together, They do consume the thing that feeds their fury: Though little fire grows great with little wind, Yet extreme gusts will blow out fire and all; So I to her, and so she yields to me; For I am rough and woo not like a babe. BAPTISTA. Well mayst thou woo, and happy be thy speed! But be thou arm'd for some unhappy words. PETRUCHIO. Ay, to the proof, as mountains are for winds, That shake not though they blow perpetually. [Re-enter HORTENSIO, with his head broke.] BAPTISTA. How now, my friend! Why dost thou look so pale? HORTENSIO. For fear, I promise you, if I look pale. BAPTISTA. What, will my daughter prove a good musician? HORTENSIO. I think she'll sooner prove a soldier: Iron may hold with her, but never lutes. BAPTISTA. Why, then thou canst not break her to the lute? HORTENSIO. Why, no; for she hath broke the lute to me. I did but tell her she mistook her frets, And bow'd her hand to teach her fingering; When, with a most impatient devilish spirit, 'Frets, call you these?' quoth she 'I'll fume with them'; And with that word she struck me on the head, And through the instrument my pate made way; And there I stood amazed for a while, As on a pillory, looking through the lute; While she did call me rascal fiddler, And twangling Jack, with twenty such vile terms, As she had studied to misuse me so. PETRUCHIO. Now, by the world, it is a lusty wench! I love her ten times more than e'er I did: O! how I long to have some chat with her! BAPTISTA. [To HORTENSIO.] Well, go with me, and be not so discomfited; Proceed in practice with my younger daughter; She's apt to learn, and thankful for good turns. Signior Petruchio, will you go with us, Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you? PETRUCHIO. I pray you do. I will attend her here. [Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, and HORTENSIO.] And woo her with some spirit when she comes. Say that she rail; why, then I'll tell her plain She sings as sweetly as a nightingale: Say that she frown; I'll say she looks as clear As morning roses newly wash'd with dew: Say she be mute, and will not speak a word; Then I'll commend her volubility, And say she uttereth piercing eloquence: If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks, As though she bid me stay by her a week: If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day When I shall ask the banns, and when be married. But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak. [Enter KATHERINA.] Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear. KATHERINA. Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing: They call me Katherine that do talk of me. PETRUCHIO. You lie, in faith, for you are call'd plain Kate, And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst; But, Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom, Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate, For dainties are all cates: and therefore, Kate, Take this of me, Kate of my consolation; Hearing thy mildness prais'd in every town, Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded, - Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs, - Myself am mov'd to woo thee for my wife. KATHERINA. Mov'd! in good time: let him that mov'd you hither Remove you hence. I knew you at the first, You were a moveable. PETRUCHIO. Why, what's a moveable? KATHERINA. A joint-stool. PETRUCHIO. Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me. KATHERINA. Asses are made to bear, and so are you. PETRUCHIO. Women are made to bear, and so are you. KATHERINA. No such jade as bear you, if me you mean. PETRUCHIO. Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee; For, knowing thee to be but young and light, - KATHERINA. Too light for such a swain as you to catch; And yet as heavy as my weight should be. PETRUCHIO. Should be! should buz! KATHERINA. Well ta'en, and like a buzzard. PETRUCHIO. O, slow-wing'd turtle! shall a buzzard take thee? KATHERINA. Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard. PETRUCHIO. Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry. KATHERINA. If I be waspish, best beware my sting. PETRUCHIO. My remedy is, then, to pluck it out. KATHERINA. Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies. PETRUCHIO. Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. KATHERINA. In his tongue. PETRUCHIO. Whose tongue? KATHERINA. Yours, if you talk of tales; and so farewell. PETRUCHIO. What! with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again, Good Kate; I am a gentleman. KATHERINA. That I'll try. [Striking him.] PETRUCHIO. I swear I'll cuff you if you strike again. KATHERINA. So may you lose your arms: If you strike me, you are no gentleman; And if no gentleman, why then no arms. PETRUCHIO. A herald, Kate? O! put me in thy books. KATHERINA. What is your crest? a coxcomb? PETRUCHIO. A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen. KATHERINA. No cock of mine; you crow too like a craven. PETRUCHIO. Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look so sour. KATHERINA. It is my fashion when I see a crab. PETRUCHIO. Why, here's no crab, and therefore look not sour. KATHERINA. There is, there is. PETRUCHIO. Then show it me. KATHERINA. Had I a glass I would. PETRUCHIO. What, you mean my face? KATHERINA. Well aim'd of such a young one. PETRUCHIO. Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you. KATHERINA. Yet you are wither'd. PETRUCHIO. 'Tis with cares. KATHERINA. I care not. PETRUCHIO. Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth, you 'scape not so. KATHERINA. I chafe you, if I tarry; let me go. PETRUCHIO. No, not a whit; I find you passing gentle. 'Twas told me you were rough, and coy, and sullen, And now I find report a very liar; For thou art pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous, But slow in speech, yet sweet as spring-time flowers. Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance, Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will, Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk; But thou with mildness entertain'st thy wooers; With gentle conference, soft and affable. Why does the world report that Kate doth limp? O sland'rous world! Kate like the hazel-twig Is straight and slender, and as brown in hue As hazel-nuts, and sweeter than the kernels. O! let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt. KATHERINA. Go, fool, and whom thou keep'st command. PETRUCHIO. Did ever Dian so become a grove As Kate this chamber with her princely gait? O! be thou Dian, and let her be Kate, And then let Kate be chaste, and Dian sportful! KATHERINA. Where did you study all this goodly speech? PETRUCHIO. It is extempore, from my mother-wit. KATHERINA. A witty mother! witless else her son. PETRUCHIO. Am I not wise? KATHERINA. Yes; keep you warm. PETRUCHIO. Marry, so I mean, sweet Katherine, in thy bed; And therefore, setting all this chat aside, Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented That you shall be my wife your dowry 'greed on; And will you, nill you, I will marry you. Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn; For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty, - Thy beauty that doth make me like thee well, - Thou must be married to no man but me; For I am he am born to tame you, Kate, And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate Conformable as other household Kates. Here comes your father. Never make denial; I must and will have Katherine to my wife. [Re-enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and TRANIO.] BAPTISTA. Now, Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter? PETRUCHIO. How but well, sir? how but well? It were impossible I should speed amiss. BAPTISTA. Why, how now, daughter Katherine, in your dumps? KATHERINA. Call you me daughter? Now I promise you You have show'd a tender fatherly regard To wish me wed to one half lunatic, A mad-cap ruffian and a swearing Jack, That thinks with oaths to face the matter out. PETRUCHIO. Father, 'tis thus: yourself and all the world That talk'd of her have talk'd amiss of her: If she be curst, it is for policy, For she's not froward, but modest as the dove; She is not hot, but temperate as the morn; For patience she will prove a second Grissel, And Roman Lucrece for her chastity; And to conclude, we have 'greed so well together That upon Sunday is the wedding-day. KATHERINA. I'll see thee hang'd on Sunday first. GREMIO. Hark, Petruchio; she says she'll see thee hang'd first. TRANIO. Is this your speeding? Nay, then good-night our part! PETRUCHIO. Be patient, gentlemen. I choose her for myself; If she and I be pleas'd, what's that to you? 'Tis bargain'd 'twixt us twain, being alone, That she shall still be curst in company. I tell you, 'tis incredible to believe How much she loves me: O! the kindest Kate She hung about my neck, and kiss on kiss She vied so fast, protesting oath on oath, That in a twink she won me to her love. O! you are novices: 'tis a world to see, How tame, when men and women are alone, A meacock wretch can make the curstest shrew. Give me thy hand, Kate; I will unto Venice, To buy apparel 'gainst the wedding-day. Provide the feast, father, and bid the guests; I will be sure my Katherine shall be fine. BAPTISTA. I know not what to say; but give me your hands. God send you joy, Petruchio! 'Tis a match. GREMIO, TRANIO. Amen, say we; we will be witnesses. PETRUCHIO. Father, and wife, and gentlemen, adieu. I will to Venice; Sunday comes apace; We will have rings and things, and fine array; And kiss me, Kate; we will be married o' Sunday. [Exeunt PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA, severally.] GREMIO. Was ever match clapp'd up so suddenly? BAPTISTA. Faith, gentlemen, now I play a merchant's part, And venture madly on a desperate mart. TRANIO. 'Twas a commodity lay fretting by you; 'Twill bring you gain, or perish on the seas. BAPTISTA. The gain I seek is, quiet in the match. GREMIO. No doubt but he hath got a quiet catch. But now, Baptista, to your younger daughter: Now is the day we long have looked for; I am your neighbour, and was suitor first. TRANIO. And I am one that love Bianca more Than words can witness or your thoughts can guess. GREMIO. Youngling, thou canst not love so dear as I. TRANIO. Greybeard, thy love doth freeze. GREMIO. But thine doth fry. Skipper, stand back; 'tis age that nourisheth. TRANIO. But youth in ladies' eyes that flourisheth. BAPTISTA. Content you, gentlemen; I'll compound this strife: 'Tis deeds must win the prize, and he of both That can assure my daughter greatest dower Shall have my Bianca's love. Say, Signior Gremio, what can you assure her? GREMIO. First, as you know, my house within the city Is richly furnished with plate and gold: Basins and ewers to lave her dainty hands; My hangings all of Tyrian tapestry; In ivory coffers I have stuff'd my crowns; In cypress chests my arras counterpoints, Costly apparel, tents, and canopies, Fine linen, Turkey cushions boss'd with pearl, Valance of Venice gold in needle-work; Pewter and brass, and all things that belong To house or housekeeping: then, at my farm I have a hundred milch-kine to the pail, Six score fat oxen standing in my stalls, And all things answerable to this portion. Myself am struck in years, I must confess; And if I die to-morrow this is hers, If whilst I live she will be only mine. TRANIO. That 'only' came well in. Sir, list to me: I am my father's heir and only son; If I may have your daughter to my wife, I'll leave her houses three or four as good Within rich Pisa's walls as any one Old Signior Gremio has in Padua; Besides two thousand ducats by the year Of fruitful land, all which shall be her jointure. What, have I pinch'd you, Signior Gremio? GREMIO. Two thousand ducats by the year of land! My land amounts not to so much in all: That she shall have, besides an argosy That now is lying in Marseilles' road. What, have I chok'd you with an argosy? TRANIO. Gremio, 'tis known my father hath no less Than three great argosies, besides two galliasses, And twelve tight galleys; these I will assure her, And twice as much, whate'er thou offer'st next. GREMIO. Nay, I have offer'd all; I have no more; And she can have no more than all I have; If you like me, she shall have me and mine. TRANIO. Why, then the maid is mine from all the world, By your firm promise; Gremio is out-vied. BAPTISTA. I must confess your offer is the best; And let your father make her the assurance, She is your own; else, you must pardon me; If you should die before him, where's her dower? TRANIO. That's but a cavil; he is old, I young. GREMIO. And may not young men die as well as old? BAPTISTA. Well, gentlemen, I am thus resolv'd. On Sunday next, you know, My daughter Katherine is to be married; Now, on the Sunday following, shall Bianca Be bride to you, if you make this assurance; If not, to Signior Gremio. And so I take my leave, and thank you both. GREMIO. Adieu, good neighbour. [Exit BAPTISTA.] Now, I fear thee not: Sirrah young gamester, your father were a fool To give thee all, and in his waning age Set foot under thy table. Tut! a toy! An old Italian fox is not so kind, my boy. [Exit.] TRANIO. A vengeance on your crafty wither'd hide! Yet I have fac'd it with a card of ten. 'Tis in my head to do my master good: I see no reason but suppos'd Lucentio Must get a father, call'd 'suppos'd Vincentio'; And that's a wonder: fathers commonly Do get their children; but in this case of wooing A child shall get a sire, if I fail not of my cunning. [Exit.] ACT III. SCENE I. Padua. A room in BAPTISTA'S house. [Enter LUCENTIO, HORTENSIO, and BIANCA.] LUCENTIO. Fiddler, forbear; you grow too forward, sir. Have you so soon forgot the entertainment Her sister Katherine welcome'd you withal? HORTENSIO. But, wrangling pedant, this is The patroness of heavenly harmony: Then give me leave to have prerogative; And when in music we have spent an hour, Your lecture shall have leisure for as much. LUCENTIO. Preposterous ass, that never read so far To know the cause why music was ordain'd! Was it not to refresh the mind of man After his studies or his usual pain? Then give me leave to read philosophy, And while I pause serve in your harmony. HORTENSIO. Sirrah, I will not bear these braves of thine. BIANCA. Why, gentlemen, you do me double wrong, To strive for that which resteth in my choice. I am no breeching scholar in the schools, I'll not be tied to hours nor 'pointed times, But learn my lessons as I please myself. And, to cut off all strife, here sit we down; Take you your instrument, play you the whiles; His lecture will be done ere you have tun'd. HORTENSIO. You'll leave his lecture when I am in tune? [Retires.] LUCENTIO. That will be never: tune your instrument. BIANCA. Where left we last? LUCENTIO. Here, madam: - Hic ibat Simois; hic est Sigeia tellus; Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis. BIANCA. Construe them. LUCENTIO. 'Hic ibat,' as I told you before, 'Simois,' I am Lucentio, 'hic est,' son unto Vincentio of Pisa, 'Sigeia tellus,' disguised thus to get your love, 'Hic steterat,' and that Lucentio that comes a-wooing, 'Priami,' is my man Tranio, 'regia,' bearing my port, 'celsa senis,' that we might beguile the old pantaloon. HORTENSIO. {Returning.] Madam, my instrument's in tune. BIANCA. Let's hear. - [HORTENSIO plays.] O fie! the treble jars. LUCENTIO. Spit in the hole, man, and tune again. BIANCA. Now let me see if I can construe it: 'Hic ibat Simois,' I know you not; 'hic est Sigeia tellus,' I trust you not; 'Hic steterat Priami,' take heed he hear us not; 'regia,' presume not; 'celsa senis,' despair not. HORTENSIO. Madam, 'tis now in tune. LUCENTIO. All but the base. HORTENSIO. The base is right; 'tis the base knave that jars. How fiery and forward our pedant is! [Aside] Now, for my life, the knave doth court my love: Pedascule, I'll watch you better yet. BIANCA. In time I may believe, yet I mistrust. LUCENTIO. Mistrust it not; for sure, AEacides Was Ajax, call'd so from his grandfather. BIANCA. I must believe my master; else, I promise you, I should be arguing still upon that doubt; But let it rest. Now, Licio, to you. Good master, take it not unkindly, pray, That I have been thus pleasant with you both. HORTENSIO. [To LUCENTIO] You may go walk and give me leave awhile; My lessons make no music in three parts. LUCENTIO. Are you so formal, sir? [Aside] Well, I must wait, And watch withal; for, but I be deceiv'd, Our fine musician groweth amorous. HORTENSIO. Madam, before you touch the instrument, To learn the order of my fingering, I must begin with rudiments of art; To teach you gamut in a briefer sort, More pleasant, pithy, and effectual, Than hath been taught by any of my trade: And there it is in writing, fairly drawn. BIANCA. Why, I am past my gamut long ago. HORTENSIO. Yet read the gamut of Hortensio. BIANCA. 'Gamut' I am, the ground of all accord, 'A re,' to plead Hortensio's passion; 'B mi,' Bianca, take him for thy lord, 'C fa ut,' that loves with all affection: 'D sol re,' one clef, two notes have I 'E la mi,' show pity or I die. Call you this gamut? Tut, I like it not: Old fashions please me best; I am not so nice, To change true rules for odd inventions. [Enter a SERVANT.] SERVANT. Mistress, your father prays you leave your books, And help to dress your sister's chamber up: You know to-morrow is the wedding-day. BIANCA. Farewell, sweet masters, both: I must be gone. [Exeunt BIANCA and SERVANT.] LUCENTIO. Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay. [Exit.] HORTENSIO. But I have cause to pry into this pedant: Methinks he looks as though he were in love. Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble To cast thy wand'ring eyes on every stale, Seize thee that list: if once I find thee ranging, Hortensio will be quit with thee by changing. [Exit.] SCENE II. The same. Before BAPTISTA'S house. [Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, LUCENTIO, and ATTENDANTS.] BAPTISTA. [To TRANIO.] Signior Lucentio, this is the 'pointed day That Katherine and Petruchio should be married, And yet we hear not of our son-in-law. What will be said? What mockery will it be To want the bridegroom when the priest attends To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage! What says Lucentio to this shame of ours? KATHERINA. No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc'd To give my hand, oppos'd against my heart, Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen; Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure. I told you, I, he was a frantic fool, Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour; And to be noted for a merry man, He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage, Make friends invited, and proclaim the banns; Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd. Now must the world point at poor Katherine, And say 'Lo! there is mad Petruchio's wife, If it would please him come and marry her.' TRANIO. Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too. Upon my life, Petruchio means but well, Whatever fortune stays him from his word: Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise; Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest. KATHERINA. Would Katherine had never seen him though! [Exit, weeping, followed by BIANCA and others.] BAPTISTA. Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep, For such an injury would vex a very saint; Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour. [Enter BIONDELLO.] Master, master! News! old news, and such news as you never heard of! BAPTISTA. Is it new and old too? How may that be? BIONDELLO. Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio's coming? BAPTISTA. Is he come? BIONDELLO. Why, no, sir. BAPTISTA. What then? BIONDELLO. He is coming. BAPTISTA. When will he be here? BIONDELLO. When he stands where I am and sees you there. TRANIO. But, say, what to thine old news? BIONDELLO. Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta'en out of the town armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken points: his horse hipped with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred; besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten; near-legged before, and with a half-checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep's leather, which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now repaired with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman's crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced with pack-thread. BAPTISTA. Who comes with him? BIONDELLO. O, sir! his lackey, for all the world caparisoned like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue list; an old hat, and the 'humour of forty fancies' prick'd in't for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman's lackey. TRANIO. 'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion; Yet oftentimes lie goes but mean-apparell'd. BAPTISTA. I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes. BIONDELLO. Why, sir, he comes not. BAPTISTA. Didst thou not say he comes? BIONDELLO. Who? that Petruchio came? BAPTISTA. Ay, that Petruchio came. BIONDELLO. No, sir; I say his horse comes, with him on his back. BAPTISTA. Why, that's all one. BIONDELLO. Nay, by Saint Jamy, I hold you a penny, A horse and a man Is more than one, And yet not many. [Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO.] PETRUCHIO. Come, where be these gallants? Who is at home? BAPTISTA. You are welcome, sir. PETRUCHIO. And yet I come not well. BAPTISTA. And yet you halt not. TRANIO. Not so well apparell'd As I wish you were. PETRUCHIO. Were it better, I should rush in thus. But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride? How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown; And wherefore gaze this goodly company, As if they saw some wondrous monument, Some comet or unusual prodigy? BAPTISTA. Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day: First were we sad, fearing you would not come; Now sadder, that you come so unprovided. Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate, An eye-sore to our solemn festival. TRANIO. And tell us what occasion of import Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife, And sent you hither so unlike yourself? PETRUCHIO. Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear; Sufficeth, I am come to keep my word, Though in some part enforced to digress; Which at more leisure I will so excuse As you shall well be satisfied withal. But where is Kate? I stay too long from her; The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church. TRANIO. See not your bride in these unreverent robes; Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine. PETRUCHIO. Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her. BAPTISTA. But thus, I trust, you will not marry her. PETRUCHIO. Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words; To me she's married, not unto my clothes. Could I repair what she will wear in me As I can change these poor accoutrements, 'Twere well for Kate and better for myself. But what a fool am I to chat with you When I should bid good-morrow to my bride, And seal the title with a lovely kiss! [Exeunt PETRUCHIO, GRUMIO, and BIODELLO.] TRANIO. He hath some meaning in his mad attire. We will persuade him, be it possible, To put on better ere he go to church. BAPTISTA. I'll after him and see the event of this. [Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO and ATTENDENTS.] TRANIO. But to her love concerneth us to add Her father's liking; which to bring to pass, As I before imparted to your worship, I am to get a man, - whate'er he be It skills not much; we'll fit him to our turn, - And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa, And make assurance here in Padua, Of greater sums than I have promised. So shall you quietly enjoy your hope, And marry sweet Bianca with consent. LUCENTIO. Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly, 'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage; Which once perform'd, let all the world say no, I'll keep mine own despite of all the world. TRANIO. That by degrees we mean to look into, And watch our vantage in this business. We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio, The narrow-prying father, Minola, The quaint musician, amorous Licio; All for my master's sake, Lucentio. [Re-enter GREMIO.] Signior Gremio, came you from the church? GREMIO. As willingly as e'er I came from school. TRANIO. And is the bride and bridegroom coming home? GREMIO. A bridegroom, say you? 'Tis a groom indeed, A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find. TRANIO. Curster than she? Why, 'tis impossible. GREMIO. Why, he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend. TRANIO. Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam. GREMIO. Tut! she's a lamb, a dove, a fool, to him. I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest Should ask if Katherine should be his wife, 'Ay, by gogs-wouns' quoth he, and swore so loud That, all amaz'd, the priest let fall the book; And as he stoop'd again to take it up, The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff That down fell priest and book, and book and priest: 'Now take them up,' quoth he 'if any list.' TRANIO. What said the wench, when he rose again? GREMIO. Trembled and shook, for why, he stamp'd and swore As if the vicar meant to cozen him. But after many ceremonies done, He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if He had been abroad, carousing to his mates After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel, And threw the sops all in the sexton's face, Having no other reason But that his beard grew thin and hungerly And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking. This done, he took the bride about the neck, And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack That at the parting all the church did echo. And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame; And after me, I know, the rout is coming. Such a mad marriage never was before. Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play. [Music.] [Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, and Train.] PETRUCHIO. Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains: I know you think to dine with me to-day, And have prepar'd great store of wedding cheer But so it is- my haste doth call me hence, And therefore here I mean to take my leave. BAPTISTA. Is't possible you will away to-night? PETRUCHIO. I must away to-day before night come. Make it no wonder: if you knew my business, You would entreat me rather go than stay. And, honest company, I thank you all, That have beheld me give away myself To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife. Dine with my father, drink a health to me. For I must hence; and farewell to you all. TRANIO. Let us entreat you stay till after dinner. PETRUCHIO. It may not be. GREMIO. Let me entreat you. PETRUCHIO. It cannot be. KATHERINA. Let me entreat you. PETRUCHIO. I am content. KATHERINA. Are you content to stay? PETRUCHIO. I am content you shall entreat me stay; But yet not stay, entreat me how you can. KATHERINA. Now, if you love me, stay. PETRUCHIO. Grumio, my horse! GRUMIO. Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the horses. KATHERINA. Nay, then, Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day; No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself. The door is open, sir; there lies your way; You may be jogging whiles your boots are green; For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself. 'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom That take it on you at the first so roundly. PETRUCHIO. O Kate! content thee: prithee be not angry. KATHERINA. I will be angry: what hast thou to do? Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure. GREMIO. Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work. KATHERINA. Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner: I see a woman may be made a fool, If she had not a spirit to resist. PETRUCHIO. They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command. Obey the bride, you that attend on her; Go to the feast, revel and domineer, Carouse full measure to her maidenhead, Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves: But for my bonny Kate, she must with me. Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret; I will be master of what is mine own. She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house, My household stuff, my field, my barn, My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything; And here she stands, touch her whoever dare; I'll bring mine action on the proudest he That stops my way in Padua. Grumio, Draw forth thy weapon; we are beset with thieves; Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man. Fear not, sweet wench; they shall not touch thee, Kate; I'll buckler thee against a million. [Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, and GRUMIO.] BAPTISTA. Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones. GREMIO. Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing. TRANIO. Of all mad matches, never was the like. LUCENTIO. Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister? BIANCA. That, being mad herself, she's madly mated. GREMIO. I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated. BAPTISTA. Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants For to supply the places at the table, You know there wants no junkets at the feast. Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place; And let Bianca take her sister's room. TRANIO. Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it? BAPTISTA. She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go. [Exeunt.] ACT IV. SCENE I. A hall in PETRUCHIO'S country house. [Enter GRUMIO.] GRUMIO. Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray'd? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis! [Enter CURTIS.] CURTIS. Who is that calls so coldly? GRUMIO. A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis. CURTIS. Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio? GRUMIO. O, ay! Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water. CURTIS. Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported? GRUMIO. She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou knowest winter tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis. CURTIS. Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast. GRUMIO. Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot; and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand, - she being now at hand, - thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office? CURTIS. I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world? GRUMIO. A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and therefore fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty, for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death. CURTIS. There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news? GRUMIO. Why, 'Jack boy! ho, boy!' and as much news as thou wilt. CURTIS. Come, you are so full of cony-catching. GRUMIO. Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold. Where's the cook? Is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept, the serving-men in their new fustian, their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on? Be the Jacks fair within, the Jills fair without, and carpets laid, and everything in order? CURTIS. All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news? GRUMIO. First, know my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out. CURTIS. How? GRUMIO. Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale. CURTIS. Let's ha't, good Grumio. GRUMIO. Lend thine ear. CURTIS. Here. GRUMIO. [Striking him.] There. CURTIS. This 'tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale. GRUMIO. And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale; and this cuff was but to knock at your car and beseech listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress, - CURTIS. Both of one horse? GRUMIO. What's that to thee? CURTIS. Why, a horse. GRUMIO. Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled; how he left her with the horse upon her; how he beat me because her horse stumbled; how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me: how he swore; how she prayed, that never prayed before; how I cried; how the horses ran away; how her bridle was burst; how I lost my crupper; with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienced to thy grave. CURTIS. By this reckoning he is more shrew than she. GRUMIO. Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest; let their heads be sleekly combed, their blue coats brush'd and their garters of an indifferent knit; let them curtsy with their left legs, and not presume to touch a hair of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready? CURTIS. They are. GRUMIO. Call them forth. CURTIS. Do you hear? ho! You must meet my master to countenance my mistress. GRUMIO. Why, she hath a face of her own. CURTIS. Who knows not that? GRUMIO. Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her. CURTIS. I call them forth to credit her. GRUMIO. Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them. [Enter several SERVANTS.] NATHANIEL. Welcome home, Grumio! PHILIP. How now, Grumio! JOSEPH. What, Grumio! NICHOLAS. Fellow Grumio! NATHANIEL. How now, old lad! GRUMIO. Welcome, you; how now, you; what, you; fellow, you; and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat? NATHANIEL. All things is ready. How near is our master? GRUMIO. E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not, - Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master. [Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA.] PETRUCHIO. Where be these knaves? What! no man at door To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse? Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip? - ALL SERVANTS. Here, here, sir; here, sir. PETRUCHIO. Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms! What, no attendance? no regard? no duty? Where is the foolish knave I sent before? GRUMIO. Here, sir; as foolish as I was before. PETRUCHIO. You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge! Did I not bid thee meet me in the park, And bring along these rascal knaves with thee? GRUMIO. Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made, And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel; There was no link to colour Peter's hat, And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing; There was none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory; The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly; Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you. PETRUCHIO. Go, rascals, go and fetch my supper in. [Exeunt some of the SERVANTS.] Where is the life that late I led? Where are those - ? Sit down, Kate, and welcome. Soud, soud, soud, soud! [Re-enter SERVANTS with supper.] Why, when, I say? - Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry. - Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains! when? It was the friar of orders grey, As he forth walked on his way: Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry: [Strikes him.] Take that, and mend the plucking off the other. Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho! Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither: [Exit SERVANT.] One, Kate, that you must kiss and be acquainted with. Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water? Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily. - [SERVANT lets the ewer fall. PETRUCHIO strikes him.] You whoreson villain! will you let it fall? KATHERINA. Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling. PETRUCHIO. A whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave! Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach. Will you give thanks, sweet Kate, or else shall I? - What's this? Mutton? FIRST SERVANT. Ay. PETRUCHIO. Who brought it? PETER. I. PETRUCHIO. 'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat. What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook? How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser, And serve it thus to me that love it not? [Throws the meat, etc., at them.] There, take it to you, trenchers, cups, and all. You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves! What! do you grumble? I'll be with you straight. KATHERINA. I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet; The meat was well, if you were so contented. PETRUCHIO. I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away, And I expressly am forbid to touch it; For it engenders choler, planteth anger; And better 'twere that both of us did fast, Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric, Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh. Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended. And for this night we'll fast for company: Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber. [Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, and CURTIS.] NATHANIEL. Peter, didst ever see the like? PETER. He kills her in her own humour. [Re-enter CURTIS.] GRUMIO. Where is he? CURTIS. In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her; And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul, Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak, And sits as one new risen from a dream. Away, away! for he is coming hither. [Exeunt.] [Re-enter PETRUCHIO.] PETRUCHIO. Thus have I politicly begun my reign, And 'tis my hope to end successfully. My falcon now is sharp and passing empty. And till she stoop she must not be full-gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way I have to man my haggard, To make her come, and know her keeper's call, That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites That bate and beat, and will not be obedient. She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat; Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not; As with the meat, some undeserved fault I'll find about the making of the bed; And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster, This way the coverlet, another way the sheets; Ay, and amid this hurly I intend That all is done in reverend care of her; And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night: And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl, And with the clamour keep her still awake. This is a way to kill a wife with kindness; And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour. He that knows better how to tame a shrew, Now let him speak; 'tis charity to show. [Exit.] SCENE II. Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house. [Enter TRANIO and HORTENSIO.] TRANIO. Is 't possible, friend Licio, that Mistress Bianca Doth fancy any other but Lucentio? I tell you, sir, she bears me fair in hand. HORTENSIO. Sir, to satisfy you in what I have said, Stand by and mark the manner of his teaching. [They stand aside.] [Enter BIANCA and LUCENTIO.] LUCENTIO. Now, mistress, profit you in what you read? BIANCA. What, master, read you, First resolve me that. LUCENTIO. I read that I profess, the Art to Love. BIANCA. And may you prove, sir, master of your art! LUCENTIO. While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart. [They retire.] HORTENSIO. Quick proceeders, marry! Now tell me, I pray, You that durst swear that your Mistress Bianca Lov'd none in the world so well as Lucentio. TRANIO. O despiteful love! unconstant womankind! I tell thee, Licio, this is wonderful. HORTENSIO. Mistake no more; I am not Licio. Nor a musician as I seem to be; But one that scorn to live in this disguise For such a one as leaves a gentleman And makes a god of such a cullion: Know, sir, that I am call'd Hortensio. TRANIO. Signior Hortensio, I have often heard Of your entire affection to Bianca; And since mine eyes are witness of her lightness, I will with you, if you be so contented, Forswear Bianca and her love for ever. HORTENSIO. See, how they kiss and court! Signior Lucentio, Here is my hand, and here I firmly vow Never to woo her more, but do forswear her, As one unworthy all the former favours That I have fondly flatter'd her withal. TRANIO. And here I take the like unfeigned oath, Never to marry with her though she would entreat; Fie on her! See how beastly she doth court him! HORTENSIO. Would all the world but he had quite forsworn! For me, that I may surely keep mine oath, I will be married to a wealtlly widow Ere three days pass, which hath as long lov'd me As I have lov'd this proud disdainful haggard. And so farewell, Signior Lucentio. Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks, Shall win my love; and so I take my leave, In resolution as I swore before. [Exit HORTENSIO. LUCENTIO and BIANCA advance.] TRANIO. Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace As 'longeth to a lover's blessed case! Nay, I have ta'en you napping, gentle love, And have forsworn you with Hortensio. BIANCA. Tranio, you jest; but have you both forsworn me? TRANIO. Mistress, we have. LUCENTIO. Then we are rid of Licio. TRANIO. I' faith, he'll have a lusty widow now, That shall be woo'd and wedded in a day. BIANCA. God give him joy! TRANIO. Ay, and he'll tame her. BIANCA. He says so, Tranio. TRANIO. Faith, he is gone unto the taming-school. BIANCA. The taming-school! What, is there such a place? TRANIO. Ay, mistress; and Petruchio is the master, That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long, To tame a shrew and charm her chattering tongue. [Enter BIONDELLO, running.] BIONDELLO. O master, master! I have watch'd so long That I am dog-weary; but at last I spied An ancient angel coming down the hill Will serve the turn. TRANIO. What is he, Biondello? BIONDELLO. Master, a mercatante or a pedant, I know not what; but formal in apparel, In gait and countenance surely like a father. LUCENTIO. And what of him, Tranio? TRANIO. If he be credulous and trust my tale, I'll make him glad to seem Vincentio, And give assurance to Baptista Minola, As if he were the right Vincentio. Take in your love, and then let me alone. [Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA.] [Enter a PEDANT.] PEDANT. God save you, sir! TRANIO. And you, sir! you are welcome. Travel you far on, or are you at the farthest? PEDANT. Sir, at the farthest for a week or two; But then up farther, and as far as Rome; And so to Tripoli, if God lend me life. TRANIO. What countryman, I pray? PEDANT. Of Mantua. TRANIO. Of Mantua, sir? Marry, God forbid, And come to Padua, careless of your life! PEDANT. My life, sir! How, I pray? for that goes hard. TRANIO. 'Tis death for any one in Mantua To come to Padua. Know you not the cause? Your ships are stay'd at Venice; and the duke, - For private quarrel 'twixt your duke and him, - Hath publish'd and proclaim'd it openly. 'Tis marvel, but that you are but newly come You might have heard it else proclaim'd about. PEDANT. Alas, sir! it is worse for me than so; For I have bills for money by exchange From Florence, and must here deliver them. TRANIO. Well, sir, to do you courtesy, This will I do, and this I will advise you: First, tell me, have you ever been at Pisa? PEDANT. Ay, sir, in Pisa have I often been, Pisa renowned for grave citizens. TRANIO. Among them know you one Vincentio? PEDANT. I know him not, but I have heard of him, A merchant of incomparable wealth. TRANIO. He is my father, sir; and, sooth to say, In countenance somewhat doth resemble you. BIONDELLO. [Aside.] As much as an apple doth an oyster, and all one. TRANIO. To save your life in this extremity, This favour will I do you for his sake; And think it not the worst of all your fortunes That you are like to Sir Vincentio. His name and credit shall you undertake, And in my house you shall be friendly lodg'd; Look that you take upon you as you should! You understand me, sir; so shall you stay Till you have done your business in the city. If this be courtesy, sir, accept of it. PEDANT. O, sir, I do; and will repute you ever The patron of my life and liberty. TRANIO. Then go with me to make the matter good. This, by the way, I let you understand: My father is here look'd for every day To pass assurance of a dower in marriage 'Twixt me and one Baptista's daughter here: In all these circumstances I'll instruct you. Go with me to clothe you as becomes you. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. A room in PETRUCHIO'S house. [Enter KATHERINA and GRUMIO.] GRUMIO. No, no, forsooth; I dare not for my life. KATHERINA. The more my wrong, the more his spite appears. What, did he marry me to famish me? Beggars that come unto my father's door Upon entreaty have a present alms; If not, elsewhere they meet with charity; But I, who never knew how to entreat, Nor never needed that I should entreat, Am starv'd for meat, giddy for lack of sleep; With oaths kept waking, and with brawling fed. And that which spites me more than all these wants, He does it under name of perfect love; As who should say, if I should sleep or eat 'Twere deadly sickness, or else present death. I prithee go and get me some repast; I care not what, so it be wholesome food. GRUMIO. What say you to a neat's foot? KATHERINA. 'Tis passing good; I prithee let me have it. GRUMIO. I fear it is too choleric a meat. How say you to a fat tripe finely broil'd? KATHERINA. I like it well; good Grumio, fetch it me. GRUMIO. I cannot tell; I fear 'tis choleric. What say you to a piece of beef and mustard? KATHERINA. A dish that I do love to feed upon. GRUMIO. Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little. KATHERINA. Why then the beef, and let the mustard rest. GRUMIO. Nay, then I will not: you shall have the mustard, Or else you get no beef of Grumio. KATHERINA. Then both, or one, or anything thou wilt. GRUMIO. Why then the mustard without the beef. KATHERINA. Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave, [Beats him.] That feed'st me with the very name of meat. Sorrow on thee and all the pack of you That triumph thus upon my misery! Go, get thee gone, I say. [Enter PETRUCHIO with a dish of meat; and HORTENSIO.] PETRUCHIO. How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all amort? HORTENSIO. Mistress, what cheer? KATHERINA. Faith, as cold as can be. PETRUCHIO. Pluck up thy spirits; look cheerfully upon me. Here, love; thou seest how diligent I am, To dress thy meat myself, and bring it thee: [Sets the dish on a table.] I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks. What! not a word? Nay, then thou lov'st it not, And all my pains is sorted to no proof. Here, take away this dish. KATHERINA. I pray you, let it stand. PETRUCHIO. The poorest service is repaid with thanks; And so shall mine, before you touch the meat. KATHERINA. I thank you, sir. HORTENSIO. Signior Petruchio, fie! you are to blame. Come, Mistress Kate, I'll bear you company. PETRUCHIO. [Aside.] Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lovest me. Much good do it unto thy gentle heart! Kate, eat apace: and now, my honey love, Will we return unto thy father's house And revel it as bravely as the best, With silken coats and caps, and golden rings, With ruffs and cuffs and farthingales and things; With scarfs and fans and double change of bravery, With amber bracelets, beads, and all this knavery. What! hast thou din'd? The tailor stays thy leisure, To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure. [Enter TAILOR.] Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments; Lay forth the gown. - [Enter HABERDASHER.] What news with you, sir? HABERDASHER. Here is the cap your worship did bespeak. PETRUCHIO. Why, this was moulded on a porringer; A velvet dish: fie, fie! 'tis lewd and filthy: Why, 'tis a cockle or a walnut-shell, A knack, a toy, a trick, a baby's cap: Away with it! come, let me have a bigger. KATHERINA. I'll have no bigger; this doth fit the time, And gentlewomen wear such caps as these. PETRUCHIO. When you are gentle, you shall have one too, And not till then. HORTENSIO. [Aside] That will not be in haste. KATHERINA. Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak; And speak I will. I am no child, no babe. Your betters have endur'd me say my mind, And if you cannot, best you stop your ears. My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, Or else my heart, concealing it, will break; And rather than it shall, I will be free Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words. PETRUCHIO. Why, thou say'st true; it is a paltry cap, A custard-coffin, a bauble, a silken pie; I love thee well in that thou lik'st it not. KATHERINA. Love me or love me not, I like the cap; And it I will have, or I will have none. [Exit HABERDASHER.] PETRUCHIO. Thy gown? Why, ay: come, tailor, let us see't. O mercy, God! what masquing stuff is here? What's this? A sleeve? 'Tis like a demi-cannon. What, up and down, carv'd like an appletart? Here's snip and nip and cut and slish and slash, Like to a censer in a barber's shop. Why, what i' devil's name, tailor, call'st thou this? HORTENSIO. [Aside] I see she's like to have neither cap nor gown. TAILOR. You bid me make it orderly and well, According to the fashion and the time. PETRUCHIO. Marry, and did; but if you be remember'd, I did not bid you mar it to the time. Go, hop me over every kennel home, For you shall hop without my custom, sir. I'll none of it: hence! make your best of it. KATHERINA. I never saw a better fashion'd gown, More quaint, more pleasing, nor more commendable; Belike you mean to make a puppet of me. PETRUCHIO. Why, true; he means to make a puppet of thee. TAILOR. She says your worship means to make a puppet of her. PETRUCHIO. O monstrous arrogance! Thou liest, thou thread, Thou thimble, Thou yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail! Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter-cricket thou! Brav'd in mine own house with a skein of thread! Away! thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant, Or I shall so be-mete thee with thy yard As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou liv'st! I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr'd her gown. TAILOR. Your worship is deceiv'd: the gown is made Just as my master had direction. Grumio gave order how it should be done. GRUMIO. I gave him no order; I gave him the stuff. TAILOR. But how did you desire it should be made? GRUMIO. Marry, sir, with needle and thread. TAILOR. But did you not request to have it cut? GRUMIO. Thou hast faced many things. TAILOR. I have. GRUMIO. Face not me. Thou hast braved many men; brave not me: I will neither be fac'd nor brav'd. I say unto thee, I bid thy master cut out the gown; but I did not bid him cut it to pieces: ergo, thou liest. TAILOR. Why, here is the note of the fashion to testify. PETRUCHIO. Read it. GRUMIO. The note lies in 's throat, if he say I said so. TAILOR. 'Imprimis, a loose-bodied gown.' GRUMIO. Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sew me in the skirts of it and beat me to death with a bottom of brown thread; I said, a gown. PETRUCHIO. Proceed. TAILOR. 'With a small compassed cape.' GRUMIO. I confess the cape. TAILOR. 'With a trunk sleeve.' GRUMIO. I confess two sleeves. TAILOR. 'The sleeves curiously cut.' PETRUCHIO. Ay, there's the villainy. GRUMIO. Error i' the bill, sir; error i' the bill. I commanded the sleeves should be cut out, and sew'd up again; and that I'll prove upon thee, though thy little finger be armed in a thimble. TAILOR. This is true that I say; an I had thee in place where thou shouldst know it. GRUMIO. I am for thee straight; take thou the bill, give me thy mete-yard, and spare not me. HORTENSIO. God-a-mercy, Grumio! Then he shall have no odds. PETRUCHIO. Well, sir, in brief, the gown is not for me. GRUMIO. You are i' the right, sir; 'tis for my mistress. PETRUCHIO. Go, take it up unto thy master's use. GRUMIO. Villain, not for thy life! Take up my mistress' gown for thy master's use! PETRUCHIO. Why, sir, what's your conceit in that? GRUMIO. O, sir, the conceit is deeper than you think for. Take up my mistress' gown to his master's use! O fie, fie, fie! PETRUCHIO. [Aside] Hortensio, say thou wilt see the tailor paid. [To Tailor.] Go take it hence; be gone, and say no more. HORTENSIO. [Aside to Tailor.] Tailor, I'll pay thee for thy gown to-morrow; Take no unkindness of his hasty words. Away, I say! commend me to thy master. [Exit TAILOR.] PETRUCHIO. Well, come, my Kate; we will unto your father's Even in these honest mean habiliments. Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor For 'tis the mind that makes the body rich; And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds, So honour peereth in the meanest habit. What, is the jay more precious than the lark Because his feathers are more beautiful? Or is the adder better than the eel Because his painted skin contents the eye? O no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse For this poor furniture and mean array. If thou account'st it shame, lay it on me; And therefore frolic; we will hence forthwith, To feast and sport us at thy father's house. Go call my men, and let us straight to him; And bring our horses unto Long-lane end; There will we mount, and thither walk on foot. Let's see; I think 'tis now some seven o'clock, And well we may come there by dinner-time. KATHERINA. I dare assure you, sir, 'tis almost two, And 'twill be supper-time ere you come there. PETRUCHIO. It shall be seven ere I go to horse. Look what I speak, or do, or think to do, You are still crossing it. Sirs, let 't alone: I will not go to-day; and ere I do, It shall be what o'clock I say it is. HORTENSIO. Why, so this gallant will command the sun. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house. [Enter TRANIO, and the PEDANT dressed like VINCENTIO.] TRANIO. Sir, this is the house; please it you that I call? PEDANT. Ay, what else? and, but I be deceived, Signior Baptista may remember me, Near twenty years ago in Genoa, Where we were lodgers at the Pegasus. TRANIO. 'Tis well; and hold your own, in any case, With such austerity as 'longeth to a father. PEDANT. I warrant you. But, sir, here comes your boy; 'Twere good he were school'd. [Enter BIONDELLO.] TRANIO. Fear you not him. Sirrah Biondello, Now do your duty throughly, I advise you. Imagine 'twere the right Vincentio. BIONDELLO. Tut! fear not me. TRANIO. But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista? BIONDELLO. I told him that your father was at Venice, And that you look'd for him this day in Padua. TRANIO. Thou'rt a tall fellow; hold thee that to drink. Here comes Baptista. Set your countenance, sir. [Enter BAPTISTA and LUCENTIO.] Signior Baptista, you are happily met. [To the PEDANT] Sir, this is the gentleman I told you of; I pray you stand good father to me now; Give me Bianca for my patrimony. PEDANT. Soft, son! Sir, by your leave: having come to Padua To gather in some debts, my son Lucentio Made me acquainted with a weighty cause Of love between your daughter and himself: And, - for the good report I hear of you, And for the love he beareth to your daughter, And she to him, - to stay him not too long, I am content, in a good father's care, To have him match'd; and, if you please to like No worse than I, upon some agreement Me shall you find ready and willing With one consent to have her so bestow'd; For curious I cannot be with you, Signior Baptista, of whom I hear so well. BAPTISTA. Sir, pardon me in what I have to say. Your plainness and your shortness please me well. Right true it is your son Lucentio here Doth love my daughter, and she loveth him, Or both dissemble deeply their affections; And therefore, if you say no more than this, That like a father you will deal with him, And pass my daughter a sufficient dower, The match is made, and all is done: Your son shall have my daughter with consent. TRANIO. I thank you, sir. Where then do you know best We be affied, and such assurance ta'en As shall with either part's agreement stand? BAPTISTA. Not in my house, Lucentio, for you know Pitchers have ears, and I have many servants; Besides, old Gremio is hearkening still, And happily we might be interrupted. TRANIO. Then at my lodging, an it like you: There doth my father lie; and there this night We'll pass the business privately and well. Send for your daughter by your servant here; My boy shall fetch the scrivener presently. The worst is this, that at so slender warning You are like to have a thin and slender pittance. BAPTISTA. It likes me well. Cambio, hie you home, And bid Bianca make her ready straight; And, if you will, tell what hath happened: Lucentio's father is arriv'd in Padua, And how she's like to be Lucentio's wife. LUCENTIO. I pray the gods she may, with all my heart! TRANIO. Dally not with the gods, but get thee gone. Signior Baptista, shall I lead the way? Welcome! One mess is like to be your cheer; Come, sir; we will better it in Pisa. BAPTISTA. I follow you. [Exeunt TRANIO, Pedant, and BAPTISTA.] BIONDELLO. Cambio! LUCENTIO. What say'st thou, Biondello? BIONDELLO. You saw my master wink and laugh upon you? LUCENTIO. Biondello, what of that? BIONDELLO. Faith, nothing; but has left me here behind to expound the meaning or moral of his signs and tokens. LUCENTIO. I pray thee moralize them. BIONDELLO. Then thus: Baptista is safe, talking with the deceiving father of a deceitful son. LUCENTIO. And what of him? BIONDELLO. His daughter is to be brought by you to the supper. LUCENTIO. And then? BIONDELLO. The old priest at Saint Luke's church is at your command at all hours. LUCENTIO. And what of all this? BIONDELLO. I cannot tell, except they are busied about a counterfeit assurance. Take your assurance of her, cum privilegio ad imprimendum solum; to the church! take the priest, clerk, and some sufficient honest witnesses. If this be not that you look for, I have more to say, But bid Bianca farewell for ever and a day. [Going.] LUCENTIO. Hear'st thou, Biondello? BIONDELLO. I cannot tarry: I knew a wench married in an afternoon as she went to the garden for parsley to stuff a rabbit; and so may you, sir; and so adieu, sir. My master hath appointed me to go to Saint Luke's to bid the priest be ready to come against you come with your appendix. [Exit.] LUCENTIO. I may, and will, if she be so contented. She will be pleas'd; then wherefore should I doubt? Hap what hap may, I'll roundly go about her; It shall go hard if Cambio go without her: [Exit.] SCENE V. A public road [Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, HORTENSIO, and SERVANTS.] PETRUCHIO. Come on, i' God's name; once more toward our father's. Good Lord, how bright and goodly shines the moon! KATHERINA. The moon! The sun; it is not moonlight now. PETRUCHIO. I say it is the moon that shines so bright. KATHERINA. I know it is the sun that shines so bright. PETRUCHIO. Now by my mother's son, and that's myself, It shall be moon, or star, or what I list, Or ere I journey to your father's house. Go on and fetch our horses back again. Evermore cross'd and cross'd; nothing but cross'd! HORTENSIO. Say as he says, or we shall never go. KATHERINA. Forward, I pray, since we have come so far, And be it moon, or sun, or what you please; And if you please to call it a rush-candle, Henceforth I vow it shall be so for me. PETRUCHIO. I say it is the moon. KATHERINA. I know it is the moon. PETRUCHIO. Nay, then you lie; it is the blessed sun. KATHERINA. Then, God be bless'd, it is the blessed sun; But sun it is not when you say it is not, And the moon changes even as your mind. What you will have it nam'd, even that it is, And so it shall be so for Katherine. HORTENSIO. Petruchio, go thy ways; the field is won. PETRUCHIO. Well, forward, forward! thus the bowl should run, And not unluckily against the bias. But, soft! Company is coming here. [Enter VINCENTIO, in a travelling dress.] [To VINCENTIO] Good-morrow, gentle mistress; where away? Tell me, sweet Kate, and tell me truly too, Hast thou beheld a fresher gentlewoman? Such war of white and red within her cheeks! What stars do spangle heaven with such beauty As those two eyes become that heavenly face? Fair lovely maid, once more good day to thee. Sweet Kate, embrace her for her beauty's sake. HORTENSIO. 'A will make the man mad, to make a woman of him. KATHERINA. Young budding virgin, fair and fresh and sweet, Whither away, or where is thy abode? Happy the parents of so fair a child; Happier the man whom favourable stars Allot thee for his lovely bed-fellow. PETRUCHIO. Why, how now, Kate! I hope thou art not mad: This is a man, old, wrinkled, faded, wither'd, And not a maiden, as thou sayst he is. KATHERINA. Pardon, old father, my mistaking eyes, That have been so bedazzled with the sun That everything I look on seemeth green: Now I perceive thou art a reverend father; Pardon, I pray thee, for my mad mistaking. PETRUCHIO. Do, good old grandsire, and withal make known Which way thou travellest: if along with us, We shall be joyful of thy company. VINCENTIO. Fair sir, and you my merry mistress, That with your strange encounter much amaz'd me, My name is called Vincentio; my dwelling Pisa; And bound I am to Padua, there to visit A son of mine, which long I have not seen. PETRUCHIO. What is his name? VINCENTIO. Lucentio, gentle sir. PETRUCHIO. Happily met; the happier for thy son. And now by law, as well as reverend age, I may entitle thee my loving father: The sister to my wife, this gentlewoman, Thy son by this hath married. Wonder not, Nor be not griev'd: she is of good esteem, Her dowry wealthy, and of worthy birth; Beside, so qualified as may beseem The spouse of any noble gentleman. Let me embrace with old Vincentio; And wander we to see thy honest son, Who will of thy arrival be full joyous. VINCENTIO. But is this true? or is it else your pleasure, Like pleasant travellers, to break a jest Upon the company you overtake? HORTENSIO. I do assure thee, father, so it is. PETRUCHIO. Come, go along, and see the truth hereof; For our first merriment hath made thee jealous. [Exeunt all but HORTENSIO.] HORTENSIO. Well, Petruchio, this has put me in heart. Have to my widow! and if she be froward, Then hast thou taught Hortensio to be untoward. [Exit.] ACT V. SCENE I. Padua. Before LUCENTIO'S house. [Enter on one side BIONDELLO, LUCENTIO, and BIANCA; GREMIO walking on other side.] BIONDELLO. Softly and swiftly, sir, for the priest is ready. LUCENTIO. I fly, Biondello; but they may chance to need the at home, therefore leave us. BIONDELLO. Nay, faith, I'll see the church o' your back; and then come back to my master's as soon as I can. [Exeunt LUCENTIO, BIANCA, and BIONDELLO.] GREMIO. I marvel Cambio comes not all this while. [Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, VINCENTIO, and ATTENDANTS.] PETRUCHIO. Sir, here's the door; this is Lucentio's house: My father's bears more toward the market-place; Thither must I, and here I leave you, sir. VINCENTIO. You shall not choose but drink before you go. I think I shall command your welcome here, And by all likelihood some cheer is toward. [Knocks.] GREMIO. They're busy within; you were best knock louder. [Enter PEDANT above, at a window.] PEDANT. What's he that knocks as he would beat down the gate? VINCENTIO. Is Signior Lucentio within, sir? PEDANT. He's within, sir, but not to be spoken withal. VINCENTIO. What if a man bring him a hundred pound or two to make merry withal? PEDANT. Keep your hundred pounds to yourself: he shall need none so long as I live. PETRUCHIO. Nay, I told you your son was well beloved in Padua. Do you hear, sir? To leave frivolous circumstances, I pray you tell Signior Lucentio that his father is come from Pisa, and is here at the door to speak with him. PEDANT. Thou liest: his father is come from Padua, and here looking out at the window. VINCENTIO. Art thou his father? PEDANT. Ay, sir; so his mother says, if I may believe her. PETRUCHIO. [To VINCENTIO] Why, how now, gentleman! why, this is flat knavery to take upon you another man's name. PEDANT. Lay hands on the villain: I believe 'a means to cozen somebody in this city under my countenance. [Re-enter BIONDELLO.] BIONDELLO. I have seen them in the church together: God send 'em good shipping! But who is here? Mine old master, Vincentio! Now we are undone and brought to nothing. VINCENTIO. [Seeing BIONDELLO.] Come hither, crack-hemp. BIONDELLO. I hope I may choose, sir. VINCENTIO. Come hither, you rogue. What, have you forgot me? BIONDELLO. Forgot you! No, sir: I could not forget you, for I never saw you before in all my life. VINCENTIO. What, you notorious villain! didst thou never see thy master's father, Vincentio? BIONDELLO. What, my old worshipful old master? Yes, marry, sir; see where he looks out of the window. VINCENTIO. Is't so, indeed? [He beats BIONDELLO.] BIONDELLO. Help, help, help! here's a madman will murder me. [Exit.] PEDANT. Help, son! help, Signior Baptista! [Exit from the window.] PETRUCHIO. Prithee, Kate, let's stand aside and see the end of this controversy. [They retire.] [Re-enter PEDANT below; BAPTISTA, TRANIO, and SERVANTS.] TRANIO. Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant? VINCENTIO. What am I, sir! nay, what are you, sir? O immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet, a velvet hose, a scarlet cloak, and a copatain hat! O, I am undone! I am undone! While I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at the university. TRANIO. How now! what's the matter? BAPTISTA. What, is the man lunatic? TRANIO. Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by your habit, but your words show you a madman. Why, sir, what 'cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I thank my good father, I am able to maintain it. VINCENTIO. Thy father! O villain! he is a sailmaker in Bergamo. BAPTISTA. You mistake, sir; you mistake, sir. Pray, what do you think is his name? VINCENTIO. His name! As if I knew not his name! I have brought him up ever since he was three years old, and his name is Tranio. PEDANT. Away, away, mad ass! His name is Lucentio; and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands of me, Signior Vicentio. VINCENTIO. Lucentio! O, he hath murdered his master! Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the Duke's name. O, my son, my son! Tell me, thou villain, where is my son, Lucentio? TRANIO. Call forth an officer. [Enter one with an OFFICER.] Carry this mad knave to the gaol. Father Baptista, I charge you see that he be forthcoming. VINCENTIO. Carry me to the gaol! GREMIO. Stay, officer; he shall not go to prison. BAPTISTA. Talk not, Signior Gremio; I say he shall go to prison. GREMIO. Take heed, Signior Baptista, lest you be cony-catched in this business; I dare swear this is the right Vincentio. PEDANT. Swear if thou darest. GREMIO. Nay, I dare not swear it. TRANIO. Then thou wert best say that I am not Lucentio. GREMIO. Yes, I know thee to be Signior Lucentio. BAPTISTA. Away with the dotard! to the gaol with him! VINCENTIO. Thus strangers may be haled and abus'd: O monstrous villain! [Re-enter BIONDELLO, with LUCENTIO and BIANCA.] BIONDELLO. O! we are spoiled; and yonder he is: deny him, forswear him, or else we are all undone. LUCENTIO. [Kneeling.] Pardon, sweet father. VINCENTIO. Lives my sweetest son? [BIONDELLO, TRANIO, and PEDANT, run out.] BIANCA. [Kneeling.] Pardon, dear father. BAPTISTA. How hast thou offended? Where is Lucentio? LUCENTIO. Here's Lucentio, Right son to the right Vincentio; That have by marriage made thy daughter mine, While counterfeit supposes blear'd thine eyne. GREMIO. Here 's packing, with a witness, to deceive us all! VINCENTIO. Where is that damned villain, Tranio, That fac'd and brav'd me in this matter so? BAPTISTA. Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio? BIANCA. Cambio is chang'd into Lucentio. LUCENTIO. Love wrought these miracles. Bianca's love Made me exchange my state with Tranio, While he did bear my countenance in the town; And happily I have arriv'd at the last Unto the wished haven of my bliss. What Tranio did, myself enforc'd him to; Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake. VINCENTIO. I'll slit the villain's nose that would have sent me to the gaol. BAPTISTA. [To LUCENTIO.] But do you hear, sir? Have you married my daughter without asking my good will? VINCENTIO. Fear not, Baptista; we will content you, go to: but I will in, to be revenged for this villainy. [Exit.] BAPTISTA. And I to sound the depth of this knavery. [Exit.] LUCENTIO. Look not pale, Bianca; thy father will not frown. [Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA.] GREMIO. My cake is dough, but I'll in among the rest; Out of hope of all but my share of the feast. [Exit.] [PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA advance.] KATHERINA. Husband, let's follow to see the end of this ado. PETRUCHIO. First kiss me, Kate, and we will. KATHERINA. What! in the midst of the street? PETRUCHIO. What! art thou ashamed of me? KATHERINA. No, sir; God forbid; but ashamed to kiss. PETRUCHIO. Why, then, let's home again. Come, sirrah, let's away. KATHERINA. Nay, I will give thee a kiss: now pray thee, love, stay. PETRUCHIO. Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate: Better once than never, for never too late. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. A room in LUCENTIO'S house. [Enter BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, the PEDANT, LUCENTIO, BIANCA, PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, HORTENSIO, and WIDOW. TRANIO, BIONDELLO, and GRUMIO, and Others, attending.] LUCENTIO. At last, though long, our jarring notes agree: And time it is when raging war is done, To smile at 'scapes and perils overblown. My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome, While I with self-same kindness welcome thine. Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina, And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow, Feast with the best, and welcome to my house: My banquet is to close our stomachs up, After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down; For now we sit to chat as well as eat. [They sit at table.] PETRUCHIO. Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat! BAPTISTA. Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio. PETRUCHIO. Padua affords nothing but what is kind. HORTENSIO. For both our sakes I would that word were true. PETRUCHIO. Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow. WIDOW. Then never trust me if I be afeard. PETRUCHIO. You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense: I mean Hortensio is afeard of you. WIDOW. He that is giddy thinks the world turns round. PETRUCHIO. Roundly replied. KATHERINA. Mistress, how mean you that? WIDOW. Thus I conceive by him. PETRUCHIO. Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that? HORTENSIO. My widow says thus she conceives her tale. PETRUCHIO. Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow. KATHERINA. 'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round': I pray you tell me what you meant by that. WIDOW. Your husband, being troubled with a shrew, Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe; And now you know my meaning. KATHERINA. A very mean meaning. WIDOW. Right, I mean you. KATHERINA. And I am mean, indeed, respecting you. PETRUCHIO. To her, Kate! HORTENSIO. To her, widow! PETRUCHIO. A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down. HORTENSIO. That's my office. PETRUCHIO. Spoke like an officer: ha' to thee, lad. [Drinks to HORTENSIO.] BAPTISTA. How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks? GREMIO. Believe me, sir, they butt together well. BIANCA. Head and butt! An hasty-witted body Would say your head and butt were head and horn. VINCENTIO. Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken'd you? BIANCA. Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I'll sleep again. PETRUCHIO. Nay, that you shall not; since you have begun, Have at you for a bitter jest or two. BIANCA. Am I your bird? I mean to shift my bush, And then pursue me as you draw your bow. You are welcome all. [Exeunt BIANCA, KATHERINA, and WIDOW.] PETRUCHIO. She hath prevented me. Here, Signior Tranio; This bird you aim'd at, though you hit her not: Therefore a health to all that shot and miss'd. TRANIO. O, sir! Lucentio slipp'd me like his greyhound, Which runs himself, and catches for his master. PETRUCHIO. A good swift simile, but something currish. TRANIO. 'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself: 'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay. BAPTISTA. O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now. LUCENTIO. I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio. HORTENSIO. Confess, confess; hath he not hit you here? PETRUCHIO. A' has a little gall'd me, I confess; And, as the jest did glance away from me, 'Tis ten to one it maim'd you two outright. BAPTISTA. Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio, I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all. PETRUCHIO. Well, I say no; and therefore, for assurance, Let's each one send unto his wife, And he whose wife is most obedient, To come at first when he doth send for her, Shall win the wager which we will propose. HORTENSIO. Content. What's the wager? LUCENTIO. Twenty crowns. PETRUCHIO. Twenty crowns! I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound, But twenty times so much upon my wife. LUCENTIO. A hundred then. HORTENSIO. Content. PETRUCHIO. A match! 'tis done. HORTENSIO. Who shall begin? LUCENTIO. That will I. Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me. BIONDELLO. I go. [Exit.] BAPTISTA. Son, I'll be your half, Bianca comes. LUCENTIO. I'll have no halves; I'll bear it all myself. [Re-enter BIONDELLO.] How now! what news? BIONDELLO. Sir, my mistress sends you word That she is busy and she cannot come. PETRUCHIO. How! She's busy, and she cannot come! Is that an answer? GREMIO. Ay, and a kind one too: Pray God, sir, your wife send you not a worse. PETRUCHIO. I hope, better. HORTENSIO. Sirrah Biondello, go and entreat my wife To come to me forthwith. [Exit BIONDELLO.] PETRUCHIO. O, ho! entreat her! Nay, then she must needs come. HORTENSIO. I am afraid, sir, Do what you can, yours will not be entreated. [Re-enter BIONDELLO.] Now, where's my wife? BIONDELLO. She says you have some goodly jest in hand: She will not come; she bids you come to her. PETRUCHIO. Worse and worse; she will not come! O vile, Intolerable, not to be endur'd! Sirrah Grumio, go to your mistress; say, I command her come to me. [Exit GRUMIO.] HORTENSIO. I know her answer. PETRUCHIO. What? HORTENSIO. She will not. PETRUCHIO. The fouler fortune mine, and there an end. [Re-enter KATHERINA.] BAPTISTA. Now, by my holidame, here comes Katherina! KATHERINA. What is your sir, that you send for me? PETRUCHIO. Where is your sister, and Hortensio's wife? KATHERINA. They sit conferring by the parlour fire. PETRUCHIO. Go, fetch them hither; if they deny to come, Swinge me them soundly forth unto their husbands. Away, I say, and bring them hither straight. [Exit KATHERINA.] LUCENTIO. Here is a wonder, if you talk of a wonder. HORTENSIO. And so it is. I wonder what it bodes. PETRUCHIO. Marry, peace it bodes, and love, and quiet life, An awful rule, and right supremacy; And, to be short, what not that's sweet and happy. BAPTISTA. Now fair befall thee, good Petruchio! The wager thou hast won; and I will add Unto their losses twenty thousand crowns; Another dowry to another daughter, For she is chang'd, as she had never been. PETRUCHIO. Nay, I will win my wager better yet, And show more sign of her obedience, Her new-built virtue and obedience. See where she comes, and brings your froward wives As prisoners to her womanly persuasion. [Re-enter KATHERINA with BIANCA and WIDOW.] Katherine, that cap of yours becomes you not: Off with that bauble, throw it underfoot. [KATHERINA pulls off her cap and throws it down.] WIDOW. Lord, let me never have a cause to sigh Till I be brought to such a silly pass! BIANCA. Fie! what a foolish duty call you this? LUCENTIO. I would your duty were as foolish too; The wisdom of your duty, fair Bianca, Hath cost me a hundred crowns since supper-time! BIANCA. The more fool you for laying on my duty. PETRUCHIO. Katherine, I charge thee, tell these headstrong women What duty they do owe their lords and husbands. WIDOW. Come, come, you're mocking; we will have no telling. PETRUCHIO. Come on, I say; and first begin with her. WIDOW. She shall not. PETRUCHIO. I say she shall: and first begin with her. KATHERINA. Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow, And dart not scornful glances from those eyes To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor: It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads, Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds, And in no sense is meet or amiable. A woman mov'd is like a fountain troubled, Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty; And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it. Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee, And for thy maintenance commits his body To painful labour both by sea and land, To watch the night in storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe; And craves no other tribute at thy hands But love, fair looks, and true obedience; Too little payment for so great a debt. Such duty as the subject owes the prince, Even such a woman oweth to her husband; And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour, And not obedient to his honest will, What is she but a foul contending rebel And graceless traitor to her loving lord? - I am asham'd that women are so simple To offer war where they should kneel for peace, Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway, When they are bound to serve, love, and obey. Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth, Unapt to toll and trouble in the world, But that our soft conditions and our hearts Should well agree with our external parts? Come, come, you froward and unable worms! My mind hath been as big as one of yours, My heart as great, my reason haply more, To bandy word for word and frown for frown; But now I see our lances are but straws, Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare, That seeming to be most which we indeed least are. Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot, And place your hands below your husband's foot: In token of which duty, if he please, My hand is ready; may it do him ease. PETRUCHIO. Why, there's a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate. LUCENTIO. Well, go thy ways, old lad, for thou shalt ha't. VINCENTIO. 'Tis a good hearing when children are toward. LUCENTIO. But a harsh hearing when women are froward. PETRUCHIO. Come, Kate, we'll to bed. We three are married, but you two are sped. 'Twas I won the wager, [To LUCENTIO.] though you hit the white; And being a winner, God give you good night! [Exeunt PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA.] HORTENSIO. Now go thy ways; thou hast tam'd a curst shrew. LUCENTIO. 'Tis a wonder, by your leave, she will be tam'd so. [Exeunt.] Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

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J.M. Hurley The Dreamer Part 1 A Livid Children Book I Dedicate this book to the my fans who support me, my family who've always been there for me and two very inspiring authors. P.C Cast and L.J Smith. Thanks so much guys! Prologue Life can be hard. I should know that better than anyone. Another quality of life is that it’s weird. It’s weird because you think you know what’s going to happen then there’s a twist and next thing you know you’re all turned around and life isn’t so good anymore. But the biggest quality about life is that everything happens for a reason. There must be a reason why one minute I am fine and the next minute I'm running for my life. But I guess that's what you get when dreams become reality, and reality becomes dangerous... Chapter 1 I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. I looked in the steam-covered mirror and smiled. It was finally here. It was the first day of school for most kids but I literally lived at school. A boarding school named St. Julia’s was considered my only home then. I’ve lived here ever since 6th grade when my dad got promoted and we were forced to move away from our small town apartment. Since both my parents work, and my mother travels often, they decided to ship me away so they could continue living normally. They even had arrangements so that when everyone else gets to leave for summer, I stay here. Naturally I was rather bitter for awhile, after all, they did just send me off to be raise by someone else, but I got over it seeing as I’m not exactly the grudge-holding type. Originally I loathed St. Julia’s, but overtime I’ve grown to love it. After waiting for the whole summer with my only company being annoying teachers, a downside of living a school, I was dying to get some of my social life back. I was even excited to see my roommate, Stephanie. Stephanie had never really enjoyed my company but towards the end of the year she started to act like I existed and I was so desperate I’d play popular girl for the chance to talk to someone. It’s going to take more than acting, I silently reminded myself as I threw on some make-up and began to gloss my lips. Maybe Stephanie will forget about last year, to this I shook my head doubtfully, she really isn’t the forgiving type. I shuddered as I remembered the memories of last year. Her hate for me had all started when I was made her roommate instead of her best friend, Charity Windler. I’m still not exactly sure why she blamed me for our rooming situation, but she did unfortunately. She, along with her entire group blamed me, and from then on hated me. After Charity mysteriously dropped out I was certain that Stephanie and I’s relationship would improve, but if anything, it only got worse. But this year is going to be different, I reminded myself, maybe if I keep thinking that, I’ll actually start to believe it. I mentally kicked myself for that last thought and continued getting ready. I got dressed and neatly side braided my messy hair. Today I dressed in ripped blue jeans and a tank top. I grabbed my phone from my bunk and shoved it in my backpack. Then I headed out the door. I was almost down the 3rd staircase when Stephanie stepped in front of me. I could tell it wasn’t going to be like last year. Nope, she was going to hate me way more this year. I could tell, from the way her posy snickered and stared, that an insult was coming. “Hey roomie,” Stephanie said mockingly in her high soprano voice. “What’s with the homeless kid costume?” She asked pretending to look innocent like she hadn’t just slammed me. “Costume?” I asked trying to push past her blocking arms. “Uh! Rude much?” she yelled as I accidentally pushed her while trying to escape. I broke into a sprint, when I reached the bottom of the staircase more arms than I could count reached out and snatched me to the side. Suddenly hands were tugging my hair, shoving and pinching me. I tried to call out but a hand gagged my mouth. I felt a sharp blow to my legs and my knees buckled. A blow to my head made me close my eyes in pain and I tried hard not to focus on the throbbing pain in my shin. They didn’t bother picking me up they just kept hitting and kicking until suddenly I felt relief. The strong grip released my arm and I sprawled onto the cold tile.I heard footsteps and assumed they were walking away and I let out a sigh of relief. My ears were ringing and when I tried to open my eyes the room around me spun, so I stayed on the ground and waited for what must have been at least an hour until I heard footsteps. I tried to look up to see who was coming but found I was too exhausted to move. All of the sudden I was lifted into the air by a warm comfortable form. I struggled weakly for a few moments but after realizing they weren’t hurting me, I surrendered. I managed to force my head up and saw that my attackers were gone, which I took as good sign. “Waking up so soon?” A guy’s voice said and I lifted my head to see a gorgeous guy. He had sandy blonde hair, that reminded me of a beach, bright blue eyes the sparkled when he smiled and wore kakis and a white tee. “Yeah, how’d you find me?”I asked absentmindedly resting my head on his warm shoulder. “ Your attackers weren’t very quiet with their dirty work, I heard them plotting it.” He replied as I inhaled deeply and was pleasantly surprised by his sweet smelling cologne. Suddenly he set me down on a nurse’s bed and I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. “Thanks for rescuing me” I said staring at his piercing blue eyes. “Well I wouldn’t exactly call kicking a few guys in area’s we’d best not discuss, a rescue” he said, a heartbreaking smile spreading across his face. “ I only wish I wasn’t too late,” He said staring at my shin. I followed his gaze down to my shin and saw it was bloody and bruised. I met his worried gaze and smiled a little at his dismay for me. “I’m fine if anything I’m better than I’ve been all summer,” I said trying to joke but failing miserably. I’m Summer Charard,” I said extending my hand then seeing it was cut pulling it back quickly. But not quick enough, he noticed. “Your hurt,” He said, it wasn’t a question but a statement. “Normally when someone introduces themselves to one another it is expected for the other to state his or her name,” I said sarcastically. “Well in that case, Zane VanLouge,” He said smiling at my joke. “Well, Zane, I think it’s only polite that I thank you for your service,” I said. But before he could respond a school nurse came in and shooed him out. But before he left he poked his head in and said,” I guess I’ll see you later, Summer.” “Yeah,” I replied my cheeks turning a rosy red. Chapter 2 The Nurse ran some quick tests then, coming to the conclusion that I was fine, allowed me to follow her to the counter to check out. “Your first class is History and you can pick up your schedule from that boy who accompanied you today,” the nurse stated as I signed the last health form. “Thanks” I replied as I waved and then slipped out the door. to make sure nothing was broken then sent me on my way. I crept down the hallway till I reached my first classroom. Even though history is my worst and least favorite subject I couldn’t have been any happier to be in a safe controlled area even if it meant I had to get tortured with boredom. As it turned out my so called safe savior failed. As I walked in I noticed that Stephanie’s zombies were in the class but the head zombie herself wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Then I saw him. Zane was sitting in the back reading a text book and I noticed how adorable he really was. He smiled silently to himself and his usually hidden dimples showed themselves. I could’ve stood there all day just staring at him but Stephanie’s crew was beginning to notice my presence and as it turns out they weren’t very happy that I’d been saved. “Hey Blondie, how’s the shin feeling?” a bulky guy asked turning around to face me. I recognized him now, Tyler Droda, Stephanie’s current boyfriend. “Just fine thanks for asking Tyler, “I replied not giving him the satisfaction of my fear even though I was terrified on the inside. “ You aren’t going to escape this time, “Tyler said stepping forward. I backed up and bumped into Zane. “No, you aren’t going to touch her this time,” Zane said gently pushing me behind himself. “Whatever, your little boyfriend won’t be around all the time, Summer,” Tyler said sliding back into his seat again. Zane led me to the back of the room and offered me the seat next to him which I took gratefully. “Ignore those jerks,” He said as the zombies started to throw spit wads at me. “Thanks for sticking up for me,” I said looking up at him and smiling, “it means a lot.” “No problem,” He said and handed me an envelope. "That’s your schedule, the nurse asked me to pick it up for you.” I took the envelope with a shaky hand. What if Stephanie was my roommate again? Would I get stuck with one of her followers? There was only one way I’d find out. I opened the letter and read: Dear Miss Summer Charard, Your roommate will be Sierra Coblik. In room # 215.Your schedule will be on the sheet following this letter. Your belongings have been transferred for you already so all you need to do is unpack and you should be able to accomplish that during your lunch break. I have already been informed of the incident that occurred earlier and I have informed you parents who were very worried and I would highly suggest assuring them of your well health after this letter. Best regards, Ms. Kelly 1. History 2. Algebra 3. Art 4. Lunch 5. Self Defense 6. A.P. Chemistry 7. Dance 8. ELA I folded the letter and put it back into the envelope then turned towards Zane. “Do we have any classes together?” I asked silently begging him to say yes. “Any? We have every class together,” He said smiling as my jaw dropped. “Every class? That’s like impossible,” I said gawking at him. “Well then I guess I’ll have to tell them to change it,” He said pretending to get up. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. “No way, I need my personal savior around,” I said sounding a lot more confident then I felt. “Well would you let your personal savior hang out with you tonight,” He asked shooting me a smile so cute I could’ve died and I wouldn’t have cared. “Well I do sort of owe him don’t I,”I said feeling my cheeks turn bright red. Had he just asked me out? He’s So Cute! I thought to myself. I smiled shyly and winked at him. “I’m taking that as a yes,” Zane replied his smile brightening at the outcome of his invitation. Chapter 3 So there I was. It was 5:30, a half an hour before my ‘date’, and I still didn’t know what to wear. I curled my light blonde hair into ringlets and started powdering my face as I tried to find something to wear. Only problem was that when Ms. Kelly transferred my belongings she messed everything up I couldn’t find anything. Finally I found a navy blue sundress that complimented my pale skin. As I finished up with my preparations I heard a knock on the door and my heart skipped a beat. I walked over to the door and opened it with clammy hands. There stood a Blonde Valley girl. “Hi, you must be Sierra, I’m Summer,” I said extending my hand towards her. “Oh I know who you are, you’re the girl who escaped Stephanie,” She said shaking my hand energetically. “Congrats, I hate her too,” She added stepping into our room. “You looking for something or are you just really messy?” She asked scanning the clothes covered room. “I was but I found it, sorry about the mess I’ll clean it up when I get back,” I said grabbing my jacket off the dresser. “When you get back? Where are you going?” She asked turning away from the mess. “Zane Invited me out for a evening stroll,” I replied hearing the pride in my voice. She looked up, confused, then asked, “Zane?” and before I could answer she continued, “Oh! You mean the tall, blonde, new guy, right?” She said. I nodded at her, and smiled at her description of him. “Oh ok then you go and have fun,” She said turning to give me a wink. “What?” I asked desperate not to be late but curious. “Well he’s not too hard on the eyes if you know what I mean,” She said smiling mischievously. Before I could reply there was another knock on the door only now I knew who it had to be. I opened up the door and used the handle to steady myself. Zane stood in the door way looking so handsome I almost had to look away. “Are you ready for our walk?” He asked as he looked me up and down the smiled, obviously satisfied. We went out for an evening stroll near the campus lake. After the half an hour of walking I had to take off my heels to relieve my aching feet. Though most guy would take a girls walking around barefoot with her shoes in her hands a total turn-off, Zane said it was cute. After a while of strolling we gave up with it and sat by the lake. We talked about every topic from the weather to debating alien life. With every new topic Zane found a new way to make me laugh. “So you actually got fired from fry cook,” I said giggling flirtatiously and dipping my toe into the water. “Yes, a bit embarrassing isn’t it?” He replied laughing with me. “Maybe you should try pro wrestler,” I said, “You took down my attackers pretty well,” I add laughing awkwardly. Zane’s smile disappeared masked with a new serious face. “You shouldn’t joke about that,” He said pulling his feet out of the water. “I didn’t mean to make you upset,” I said getting up and brushing myself off and mentally kicking myself for ruining the mood. “I just don’t want you getting hurt again,” He said looking over as Stephanie and her cronies walked out. “We should go now,” He said grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the opposite door. “That’s right you better run,” Tyler yelled. Zane’s back stiffened and his body began to tense. “Ignore him, let’s go,” I said uselessly trying to pull him into the building. “No you go ahead, I’m going to stay here,” He said pushing me inside and shutting the door behind me. I pushed against the door, desperate to stop him, but it didn’t budge. So I waited. I just stood there and prayed that he’d come through the door soon. I had to wait about 10 minutes before the door whipped open and I had to step back to avoid getting hit. Tyler and Stephanie burst through the doorway and from the dark corner I was hiding in I could just make out her comforting him. They were oblivious to the fact I was in the hallway. They didn’t stop moving or even pause in their steps, just kept going down the hallway, and then darted into the nurses office. Then Zane walked through the door and I gasped. His shirt collar was soaked with blood and his knuckles were tore and oozing blood. “Oh My God! What happened? What did he do to you?!” I screeched touching my hand to his chest where it was covered in blood. He didn’t wince under the pressure so I figured that was a good sign. “That’s not mine,” He said indicating the blood on his chest. “What about that?” I said pointing to his raw knuckles. “We got in a fight and I got a swipe at his face, no big deal.” He said squeezing my hand. “You hit him?”I asked. “Yeah, I think I broke his nose,” He replied then seeing my look of horror he added,” Only because he threatened to hurt you.” “So you were protecting me?” I asked feeling rather flattered. “Yeah, now it’s getting late so I better get you home,” He said sliding his arm around me to guide me towards the door. When we got to my dorm he stopped walking and pulled me up against the wall. “Promise me you’ll try to stay safe,” He said his face so close I could smell his cinnamon scented breath. “Promise,” I said Inhaling deeply. “O.K.,” He said letting his arms fall to his sides. “Well, bye,” I said dumbly then turned towards the door to cover up some of my awkwardness. “ I had a wonderful evening,” He said pecking me on the check, “have a good night,” and with that he disappeared down the hallway. Chapter 4 I just stood there for while, processing everything that just happened. I thought I was going to stand there all night until I heard the night wardens. Knowing how much trouble I’d be in if I was caught up and about past curfew, I quietly slipped into my room. I did a quick scope of the room, noting that most of the mess had vanished, a good sign. My eyes fell upon Sierra who was quietly snoring, fast asleep, in dream world now. Then I realized how nice she’s been she gave me advice, cleaned up my mess, and didn’t fuss over me leaving. Maybe all roommates are like that, though I’d never know, I’ve been stuck with Stephanie my whole life. I pulled off my shoes and slipped under the warm sheets. Not bothering to change because I smelled like him, I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was dreaming. But I realized all to soon that I wasn’t having a dream, no, I was having a nightmare. Chapter 5 I was falling into a never ending dark abyss. When my feet hit the ground, my knees buckled and I fell forward onto a hard, rough surface. I felt the tiny rocks underneath me and came to the conclusion that I was lying on gravel. I pushed myself up with my hands, spitting mud and pebble out of my mouth. I finally got it together enough to stand. As I looked around I spotted a light in this pit of never ending darkness. I took a step forward but feeling my knees turn to jello I just sat down. I was about to try standing again when I saw a figure approaching me. “You’re one of them,” He said his voice deep and rough, he scared me and his voice sent shivers down my spine. “One of what?” I asked deeply confused by his accusation. “To powerful….deadly…..must die,” His voice was low and hushed and as I tried to hear what he was saying I began to grasp what his previous words were. “Must die? What are you-” But he cut me short as he pulled a knife out of his long trench coat and lunged forward at me. I closed my eyes and screamed, sounding even more terrified then I actually was. I braced myself for the blow, I even felt the knife pierce my skin and sink deep down my chest and into my arm. I cried out in pain, and readied myself for his next attack when I was pulled out of my nightmare, and everything disappeared. Chapter 6 I bolted straight up in bed. I was completely tangled blankets and was drenched with sweat. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself but I only managed to make myself hyperventilate. “I tried to wake you up,” Sierra said startling me with her presence and making me jump. “Did I wake you up?” I asked, feeling like the worst roommate ever. “To be honest, I doubt there’s anyone who you didn’t wake up within a mile from here,” She said turning on a lamp so we could see better. “Was I that bad?” I asked as I started to untangle myself from my mess of blankets. “ Let’s just you would win the part of horror movie scream girl, hands down,” She said trying to lighten my mood, but not getting very far. I couldn’t even bring myself to smile, I was still too stunned from my crazy dream to respond how I normally would. “Probably not the first time you’ve heard that before though, right?” She asked snapping me back to reality. “Yeah it’s definitely not, say what time is it?” I asked desperate not to go back to sleep, no matter what the time was. “About 5:00, but if you want company I can stay up with you,” She said climbing onto my bunk, as if to prove her point. “ Whoa! That’s one nasty cut you have there!” She said then pointed to my chest, then moving her finger in the air down my arm as if the trace the cut in the air. I followed her gaze down to my right arm where a long, deep, red cut was present. I heard Sierra gasp as she too just realized that it was still fresh and gushing blood. “God! How did that happen? Is that fresh? Do you need to see the nurse?” She asked talking so fast her words were jumbled together. “I don’t know how it happened, yes to it being fresh, no to having to see the nurse.” I replied having already spent an hour earlier in the day in the infirmary I wasn’t looking forward to spending another. “Are you sure? It looks pretty deep. What if you need stitches?” She asked observing how far the cut went into skin, which was a fairly great amount. “No, I’m fine really I’m-,” I started but I was cut off by a loud click and our door swinging open. Ms. Kelly stood in the doorway dressed in her nightgown and looking slightly disheveled. In her right hand she held a key and in the other she clutched a cell phone. Her fingers were resting on the phones key pad, ready to dial at any sign of danger. She silently put the key back into her pocket then produced a flashlight from her pocket to replace it. She clicked it on and a bright light flashed Sierra and I in the face, then it clicked off. She walked over and flicked our light switch so our room came to life. I took a moment to examine my arm in the light. Sierra was right, I would definitely need stitches. But I wasn’t concerned about that, I was concerned why I had a mark on my arm in reality when I got cut in a dream. I heard Ms. Kelly gasp and I looked up to see her frightened eyes bulging as she saw my arm. “Oh My! Summer, why don’t you let me help you climb down and then we need to get you to the nurse,” She said grabbing my good arm and helping me down from my bunk. Ms. Kelly didn’t let go of me until I was lying down, safely on the nurses bed. She kept the frightened look on her face the whole time the nurse ran tests. She only left the room once, to call my parents. When my parents arrived things began to get out of control. My dad demanded to know who did it, and my mother wanted to know why they did it. When I didn’t answer either of them my parents panicking began to turn quick to anger, and they ended up leaving me alone awhile so they could cool down. Ms. Kelly came in, after I’d had some time alone, sat down on the bed, and grabbed my hand. “Now sweetie,” She said sugar coating her voice, “How exactly did this happen?” She asked her face smiling but I could hear the hidden urgency in her voice. “I’m sorry but I don’t know, I know it sounds crazy but I has having a wacky dream and then woke up screaming with a bloody cut on my arm,” I replied and hearing the craziness of my own story I blushed, embarrassed. “Wacky Dream? You didn’t mention that you’d had a weird dream. Care to elaborate?” She asked telling me with her gaze that it really wasn’t up for question whether I wanted to tell her or not. “ I was walking on stilts, then one of them got caught in quick sand. So I was sinking and to save myself I jumped off. But when I jumped I fell into a hole and I was falling so I started screaming, then I woke up.” I said. I don’t know why I lied to her, but my gut instinct was telling me that it was important that she didn’t know the truth. “As highly likely as that dream sounds, I have a feeling your holding back some crucial details,” She replied her gaze changing from sweet and warm to cold and icy. “Well, I bet Summer would remember more details after a nice warm bubble bath, and a warm breakfast,” My mom said saving me from Ms. Kelly’s interrogating. “Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Ms. Kelly said getting up and brushing her skirt off, “Oh and Linda,” She said, addressing my mom, “I promise you this won’t go without punishment.” Chapter 7 As I stumbled down the hallway, I took a good look at everyone passing by. Even though I’d dreamt his face, it seemed so familiar, so familiar I’d almost convinced myself that he was real. Almost. But deep down, my sanity remained, and I knew that man or no man, dreams are dreams, not reality. But that still didn’t explain the cut. I was still trying to figure out a logical reason about my cut when I stumbled into a chest so solid with muscle it could be mistaken for a wall. I knew a chest this buff could only belong to one person, Zane. I flirtatiously flipped my hair without looking up and said, “Why hello there stranger,” in the sexiest voice I could manage. But when I looked up expecting to see Zane’s familiar bright blue eyes I found myself, instead, looking into a pair of beautiful sea green eyes. “Pardon me, I wasn’t watching where I was walking,” He said his voice ringing like chimes. “Oh, um, no that’s fine, so are you an exchange student?” I asked referring to his slight British accent. “No, legal American,” He replied making my cheeks flush bright red in embarrassment. “Do you need help getting somewhere?” He asked after an uncomfortable silence. “Oh, no, just heading down for breakfast,” I replied. “Well,” He said as a mischievous grin made itself present on his face, “that’s exactly where I’m going. May I escort you?” He asked bowing down like a English gentlemen. “Sure,” I said laughing at my, oh so clever response as he links his arm through mine and we walk down the hallway catching many glances, but to caught up in talking to care. Chapter 8 “So what’s your name?” I asked between mouthfuls of food. “Kyle Landon,” he said, “and you must be Summer Charad.” “Indeed I am ,” I said not stopping to wonder how he knew who I was. We talked small talk, about things like the weather and upcoming exams. Kyle was funny, and when I laughed, the smile didn’t feel fake on my face. He almost made me forget about the man’s face. Almost, but not quite. “ So how’d you get that nasty cut?” He asked smiling innocently but there was something hidden behind his expression that made the hairs on back stand on end. I opened my mouth to tell him my story/lies but found I couldn’t speak when I looked across the cafeteria. There Zane stood. Pain visible across his face, it hurt me to think that I may be the cause of that pain. But I haven’t done anything wrong , I thought to myself, I was only talking to Kyle and it’s not like we’re dating anyways. “Excuse me,” I said to Kyle as I got up and started walking towards Zane. As I got closer I realized that I’d mistaken his expression for pain when instead it was panic. I quickened my pace and as soon as he saw me coming he quickly hurried over to me. “Are you okay?” the tone of his voice so urgent that it worried me. “Yeah, of course I am,” I said my eyes looking at him question, “I’m fine,” I said again, pulling off my cardigan and fanning myself. “Woo! It is really humid in here, want to go grab a drink or something?” I said about to start walking toward the drink cooler until I saw the look on his face, then stopped abruptly. “What now?” I asked feeling a bit annoyed. “How did that happen, and in what world is it ‘ok’?” He demanded motioning to the ugly, jagged cut that would forever remain on my chest and drag down to just above my elbow. “I’m serious Summer!” Zane said his expression stony. “Hey SS have a good sleep?” Stephanie said strutting past us, laughing with her crew of robots, who of course thought she was hilarious. “SS?” I asked regretting opening my mouth as soon as the words were out. Stephanie halted and spun around to face me. “ I only have 3 things to say to you,” She said and her robots held back giggles of anticipation. “1. You do not under any circumstances talk to me. I talk and you listen. “2. SS is for Summer’s Scars because of that ugly marking you have now,” She said pausing to allow anyone watching to laugh at me then continued,” and 3. You better watch your back because this is my school and no way in Hell are you going to take it from me.” And with that she flipped her hair over her shoulder and strutted away, shaking her hips so much I thought she was going to ‘booty bump’ one of her cronies but they quickly moved out of her way. Chapter 9 “Look can we just talk about this later?” I asked, “class is going to start soon.” Then, as if to prove my point, the bell rang and students began to slowly clear the premises. “We have every class together, I’m sure you could explain on the way,” Zane said staring at me with those bright blue eyes of his that sparkled in a way that made me catch my breath and I couldn’t help but cave. “O.k.,” I said beginning to walk with him to our first class. Then I told him everything. I blurted my entire being to him and he just nodded and never interrupted me or told me I was crazy. It took me all day to tell him the full story and when I was finally finished he was walking me to my room. “You lied to Ms. Kelly,” he said. “Yes,” I said wondering for a moment if he was going to tell her. “But you didn’t lie to me,” he said. It wasn’t a question, simply a statement but I answered him anyway. “No, I didn’t. I told you the complete and totally insane sounding truth.” “Why?” He asked cutting me off and turning around to face me. “Why didn’t you lie to me?” He asked again looking at me with questioning eyes. “Because I don’t have to,” I blurted and then without thinking I continued, “when I’m with you I don’t have to pretend I’m something I’m not, you don’t judge me,” I said smiling up at him. “No, no I can’t judge you Summer,” He said stepping in closer to me, “not when your personality is so bright and colorful.” I blushed deeply; I’d never had a guy compliment my personality so greatly. “You’re beautiful Summer, you know that?” Zane said staring at me with such awe that I had to look away. “You don’t mean that,” I said looking down and shrugging shyly. “No, I really do,” He said and as his words sank in I leaned into him and closed my eyes. When our lips met there was a kind of passion there that I’d never even imagined. He kissed me gently as if he was afraid he’d hurt me but as I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my body against his, his kissing became more powerful and urgent. “I hate to interrupt your um personal yet still public ‘hangout’ but I kind of want to get into my room,” Sierra cleared her throat shyly as my cheeks took on a new rosy color and I untangled myself, unfortunately, from Zane. “Thanks,” She said as she stepped around us and went into our room. “That was embarrassing,” I said putting my hands over my face to cover my bright red cheeks. “I think it was worth it,” He said pulling me close and wrapping his arms around me. “I should go talk to her, she looked kind of upset,” I said sighing. “Yeah, okay. Hey listen, if you have another dream like that tell me, okay?” He said, his face suddenly serious again. “Yeah, of course,” I said, “well I’ll talk to you later,” I said giving him a quick peck on the cheek and opening my door and stepping in. I closed the door behind me quickly, but not quickly enough to catch the movement in the shadows right where Zane and I had been standing just seconds ago. Was someone spying on us? I wondered silently but then forgot all about my dreams, and creepy shadow figures. Instead I just concentrated on my new best friend. Chapter 10 Sierra and I talked for awhile and turns out she was fine, just a little homesick. Her mother was on vacation in Panama and doesn’t know the first thing about a cell phone so Sierra hasn’t talked to her in over two weeks. We talked more, and I tried to comfort her but there was an awkward silence in the air. “So,” She said breaking the uncomfortable silence, “are you and Zane a ‘thing’ now or what?” She asked and I realized I wasn’t really sure. Yeah, I like him and I am quite sure he likes me too, heck just hours ago we’d been kissing, but does that really mean he's mine? I was positive that Zane wasn’t interested in anyone else but me, but did that mean he actually wanted to be with me? My head began to spin as questions began forming and multiplying in my head. “Um, Earth to summer?” She asked pulling me out of my thoughts. “Oh, yeah,” I said sounding really stupid and unsupportive. “Yeah you’re a couple or yeah your back on Earth?” She asked making me giggle. “Yeah I’m back on Earth, as for the other question you know as much as I do,” I said feeling totally confused. Sierra must have noticed my sigh because she laughed and said, “ Well I guess we’ll find out with time to come,” and then quickly dropped the topic, thankfully. “I’m kind of tired so I’m going to take a nap,” I said climbing up onto my bunk and snuggling down under my blankets. As I laid down my head and closed my eyes I fell asleep almost instantly into what I hoped was a dreamless sleep. Chapter 11 I dreamed I was lying down. Whatever I was lying was hard and odd, my guess was a slab of concrete. There must be torches or candle around me, I thought silently, because I can feel the heat radiating from something to me. I opened my eyes and saw my guess was surprisingly accurate. I was lying on what look like a bed of rocks and ceremonial candles glowed in the dimly lit room. “So you return,” said a distinctly familiar voice and my shoulders tensed as I felt a stab of fear. I whipped my head around and bravely met his piercing green eyes. “As do you,” I said making sure to keep the trembling fear out of my voice. “No,” he said smiling darkly, “I’ve been here, it is you who chooses to keep returning.” “You’re Wrong!” I said sounding like a defiant little girl.“I don’t want to be here! I don’t want you here!” I yelled sitting up more and noticing that his face had a look of amusement on it. “Oh I’m sure you don’t,” he said, “but you don’t really have a choice, do you?” and with that he lunged at me and grabbed my wrist. Using his hold on my wrist he flipped me over and made my head smack against the hard concrete. “Get off of me!” I said kicking and punching blindly. When I made contact I heard him gasp and felt his grip loosen on my arm. I took advantage of his weakened grasp, and slipped my arm from his grasp while he tried to recover from my blow. I ran as fast I could down the hallway till I reached a large wooden door. I flung it open and then everything went black and the only thing left of the dream was a small cut on the back of my hairline and an odd looking bruise on my wrist. Chapter 12 The rest of my sleep was surprisingly peaceful. When I awoke it was still dark out and my clock read 5:45 A.M. Had I really only slept that long? It’d seemed a lot longer than a mere 7 hours. I sighed, it was to early to call Zane and no one else knew the true story. My phone vibrated against my thigh from the inside of my sweats pocket. I pulled it out and peered tiredly at the ultra bright screen. I had over 7 voicemails in my inbox and all of them were from my parents. I sighed as I listened to them, each more panicked than the first. All they did was worry, even when I was young they were always worriers. I swear my mom could get an ulcer just from me arriving late for something. I knew it was early, well very early, but I hurried and dialed their number, knowing that they wouldn’t rest until I called. It barely even rang once before my mom picked up. “Summer? Summer is that you? Are you okay? What took you so long, honey?” My Mom’s questions were coming so fast they began to merge and I decided to just wait until my mom was done talking. When she finished talking she sounded tired and out of breath. “Summer, are you there?” she asked and before she could start babbling again I quickly answered, “Oh yeah, I’m here mom. Don’t worry, I’m fine,” I said but looking down and seeing my wrist made me shift guiltily. “How’s the cut healing?” She asked and from the exhaust in her voice I guessed she’d been up all night worrying about me. “Oh Mom! It’s fine, actually it’s just a scar now. You’re the one who I’m worried about! You need to get some rest,” I said feeling, not for the first time, like I was the mother and she was the daughter. “Oh, honey I guess you’re right, I probably should get some rest,” She muttered mostly to herself. “Well I’ll let you go now honey, I just wanted to make sure you were alright, call me if anything else happens, and take care honey.” “Bye mom,” I said then hit the end call. I hadn't meant to make my talk short with her but she’d sounded exhausted and I still needed to call Zane. I thought of how worried Zane would be and that I shouldn’t rule out the possibility of him rushing over here. So I decided against just calling him right away and instead grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom to take the longest bubble bath ever recorded. Chapter 13 By the time I got out of the tub, and had myself looking ‘presentable’ it was 7:30. I figured I’d given Zane enough time to sleep in, so I grabbed my cell and started to dial his number. “It’s a little early for calls, don’t you think?” Sierra said sitting up drowsily sitting up and giving me a questioning look. “Oh, did I wake you up?” I asked, completely avoiding her question. “No, my alarm did,” she said matter-of-factly then added, “and you didn’t answer my question.” I sighed, Sierra really was a good person. Heck! She was the greatest roommate a girl could ask for. Didn’t she deserve the truth? Yes she did, unfortunately I wasn’t brave enough to tell her. So I did what I’d been doing ever since I had that first dream. I lied. “Yeah, it’s still pretty early but Zane wanted me to call him right after I woke up,” I said, which wasn’t a complete lie. “Okay,” She said looking unsatisfied with my answer. Since she was suspicious I knew Sierra would be watching my every move so I decided to make my message to Zane short and sweet. “Hey Zane, it’s Summer. Yesterday you asked me to call you, you remember that, right? So anyways here I am, call me back if you want to talk more. Bye!” I said and quickly hung up the phone and silently questioned my message. Would he be able to understand what I was telling him? Or would he think I was just a freaky, clingy girl who called guys way to early in the morning? I sat on my bunk thinking of all the worst case scenarios when Sierra suddenly got up. “I’m going down for breakfast, have fun being hungry,” She said walking towards the door then pausing and turning around. “Though I suppose when your with a guys like Zane, hunger doesn’t matter, neither does the truth,” And with that she walked out. “Ugh!” I said exasperated, “I’ll have to deal with her later. She really does have a lot of reasons to be mad at me. I guess I can’t blame her. Oh goodness. I’m talking to myself.” I sighed; maybe I’d really lost it. Heck! I think anyone might act rather insane after having a dream like mine. “Sometimes we talk to ourselves when we feel like no one is there to listen.” Zane’s voice surprised me so much I nearly jumped and I had to catch my breath as he continued from where he was standing in the doorway. “You know I’m always here if you need someone to listen,” He said stepping in and closing the door behind him. “Of course I do,” I said turning around and was yet again shocked by his extreme beauty. “Pardon me,” He said reminding me of an English gentleman from the 1800’s. “But your message has left me a bit confused. I’m afraid I don’t understand what you were trying to tell me.” He finished, his sparkling blue eyes tainted with looks of confusion. “Yes,” I said pausing to get my bearings, “and I have a lot to tell you.” And with that I started to tell him my story, a story that was so utterly and unbelievably strange that I myself doubted it was true. Chapter 14 When I finished we just sat there. I hoped Zane would understand, that he would have a solution to my nightmares, but he just sat there. Unmoving and silent. “You said you hit your head, are you okay?” he asked finally, breaking to uncomfortable silence. “Yeah, it’s just a little sore,” I said then unconsciously rubbed my wrist then grimaced from the applied pressure. I checked to see if Zane had noticed but he wasn’t look at me. He was looking straight ahead of him, and there was a distant look in his eyes, almost as if he was blocking out this world and was entering another. “What do you think they are?” I asked and as soon as I spoke the words I saw fear flash across his face. But as quickly as it came, it was gone, replaced with a calm, preserved look. “Summer, they are simply bad dreams,” He said, and with every word my heart began to crumble. “It’s childish to think that they are anything more than that,” He said his voice cold and harsh. “How do you explain my injuries then?” I demanded beginning to feel my pulse quicken like it always does when I get angry. “You’re a restless sleeper,” he said, his voice still calm and emotionless. “You don’t get it!” I shouted at him, feeling tears begin to form in my eyes. Why had I thought he would understand? Yes, He’d listened once but did he really care or even understand? No, no he didn’t care. “Summer, it’s childish to fight about this,” He said. “What happened to being here? What happened to listening?!” I yelled feeling the tears begin to spill out over my eyes. “I have listened Summer, let me know when you have something other than childish tales to tell me,” And with that he walked out, leaving me standing there, tears running down my face, and my heart broken in two. Chapter 15 When Kyle found me I was lying on the floor sobbing and tears streaked my face. “Summer? Summer, what’s wrong?” he asked walking over and crouching next to me. “Life,” I sobbed. Kyle sighed and pulled me close into his comforting embrace and there we sat for hours. I sat there, with the comforting smell of Kyle’s cologne and I cried. I cried for the hurt of Zane’s words, for the fear that haunted me every time I went to sleep, for the hatred that radiated at me from Stephanie and most of all for the confusion of why it felt so right in his arms, Kyle’s arms. But aren't I Zane’s girl? I doubted I was, after the talk we’d just had, and after what he said, I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to be his girl. After hours of crying and self pity I got up and began wiping my smeared mascara off my face. “Are you feeling and better?” Kyle asked taking the washcloth from me and carefully removing the rest of my make-up. “I just feel num now,” I said as he wrung the cloth out and threw it into our hamper. “And that’s good, right?” He asked, turning to face me. “It’s neither good nor bad. It just means I’m done with my pathetic self pity,” I said. “Sometimes we deserve self pity,” he said stepping towards me. “What happened to your wrist?” He asked and though his words made me want to break down into tears again, I stood strong, and repeated the words that just hours ago had broke my heart. “I’m a restless sleeper.” With that I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “Summer, where are you going?” Kyle asked beginning to follow me. “I’m sorry but I have some unfinished business that I need to take care of,” I replied and feeling as cold as ice I strode out of my room, leaving Kyle just standing there, just as Zane and Sierra had left me. Instead of sticking around with Kyle, the easy choice, I was choosing to go to the place I wanted to go least. It wasn’t the easy thing to do, but I knew it was something I was going to have to do sometime. So as I walked toward Stephanie’s room I took deep breaths, trying to build up my confidence, I was going to need it. Part 2 Up Now! Publication Date: August 14th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-sppellerd

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-by-falexis-winston-the-iron-king/

By: Falexis Winston The Iron King Chapter 1: The Ghost in the Computer Publication Date: December 12th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-dreamgirls1

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-richelle-platt-the-titanic-rewrote/

Richelle Platt The Titanic rewrote! roses and jacks story to the people who died on the Titanic Publication Date: August 26th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-cherrybomb15

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-diyah-5-guys-and-only-1-girl-what-will-happen/

Diyah 5 Guys And Only 1 Girl What Will Happen 5 Guys And Only 1 Girl What Will Happen Just To Introduce You To My Family... Hi I’m Al’Aiyah and I live with my brother Elijah and his 5 friends and its chaotic their. Let me tell you about all of us! Al’Aiyah (Me) I am 17, I am 5’11, I have long black hair that reaches my butt, light skinned (mexican), 4 pack, size D breasts and a really big butt. Im hot I know but Im really not conceited I just know Im gorgeous. I am known to have a bad attitude though but guys take it as sexy while girls take it as a threat so I do a lot of fighting. I am captain of the dance, cheerleading, track and basketball team so yeah people envy me. Elijah Elijah is my brother he is 18,6’10, long braids that go to the bottom of his shoulder, a 10 pack and a deep but not to deep voice. Most girls love and will do anything for my brother because he is captain of the football and basketball team. Kieth Kieth is my brothers friend and is 18, and my best friend Alannah’s baby daddy/love of her life. They have a daughter name Ka’Laiyah yeah they mixed Kieth, Alannah and Al’Aiyah to get Ka’Laiyah but anyways she is so gorgeous she takes after her mom most because of her long black hair and dimples on each cheek. Kieth has been tamed by Alannah for 3 years. Shawn Shawn is 18, my brothers other friend he is gorgeous. I am in love with him and I have been for 7 years. He is caramel skinned, waves (any dude would die for), 6’9 and he has a 12 pack. Shawn has such a great personality and he is so sexy its just ugh I wish he was mine even though I have a boyfriend I really want Shawn. Bryan Brian is my brothers friend he is 6’8, 18 years old, brown skinned and a 10 pack. Bryan is what you call a player and has always been he has a new girl/slut every single week. Tyshawn Tyshawn is known as Ty. He is 6’7, 12 pack, light skinned, and waves. He is what you call the casual player but sometimes will have a relationship. My parents are on acting trips because they are big time actors we are rich and we have our own mansion. Our house is so big we have a pool room and trampoline room its so cool we even have elevators. Omg Were Together! Al’Aiyah I woke up early today and decided to be nice and cook the boys some breakfast and get break started. So I climbed out of bed, still in my tank top that covers half my stomach until you get to my belly button and my short shorts that stop right before my butt is seeable and got onto the elevator that was in my enormous room (it was the size of 12 normal living rooms) and pressed the button with the “K” for kitchen. When I got downstair I decided I should make some pancakes, bacon, eggs, muffins and sausage. I was mixing the pancake mix when I heard the elevator open so I looked at it and saw Shawn he walked over to me and did something I wouldn’t expect from him. He KISSED me passionately, his lips were so soft and they tasted like cotton candy. He gently licked my lips asking for entrance which I granted and their we were making out in the kitchen were I should’ve been making breakfast. I wanted to take it further but I had a boyfriend but I didn’t love my boyfriend Chris like he loved me. So I just kept the kiss going and we ended up laying on the couch with me laying on top of him with kiss I never wanted to end. He said “you are so beautiful and I want you. Bad.” I laughed and said “you don’t know how bad I want you to bu-but I can’t have you...because I have to stay with Chris.” He sighed and stopped the kiss and said “listen Al’Aiyah Marie Robinson you don’t ever have to do anything if you don’t want we can go to his house now and breakup with him if you would like. I will come with you for comforting and then we can be together just me and you forever.” I smiled at the thought of that and said “okay we can do this but how are we going to tell Elijah and lets go today first let me go upstairs and get dressed‘ he smirked and said ”can I help you take a shower;)?” I laughed at his question and said “no but we can do this!” I kissed him with passion and smiled, got up and walked over to the elevator. He sat their with a o-shaped mouth and said “but I wasn’t done yet!” He pouted and I smiled and said “hey, we never broke up with Chris so until then imma cheater and thats not me so you can get what you want after I do what I need to do, the sooner the better!” The elevator door opened and I got in. When i got upstairs I got in the shower and when I got out I dropped my towel on my bed and looked at myself in my huge mirror. Im not weird or anything its just that I love looking at myself because I know Im pretty! As im looking in the mirror I see Shawn sitting on the bed looking at me with lust. I turned around and smiled at him, he smiled back I walked over to him sat in his lap and kissed him and gave myself permission to enter and I explored his mouth making sure I touched every single piece of it. I pushed him down so we were laying down but he stopped the kiss and said “hey, remember you’re still with Chris so were going to have to wait before we do anything I sighed and got up to put on lotion but he grabbed the bottle and rubbed my body down in lotion then I got dressed. Once I was done we crept downstairs and got into my red farrari and drove to Chris’s house. We got out of the car and I knocked on Chris’s door he answered and kissed me but I pulled back. He made a I know you’re not breaking up with me for him face and then I began talking. “Uh... you’re not going to like this but I want to break up with you because Im with shawn now. He instantly got pissed and pushed past me to Shawn and punched him in the jaw. Shawn laughed and then punched Chris and he fell then they fought for about 10 more minutes and then Chris was on the ground but afterwards Shawn got up and kissed me. He picked my up and put me on his back and walked us to the car and on the way there I kissed his neck and his face. When we got in the car his face was bleeding on the cheek I touched it and he flinched. I looked worried I didn’t like seeing him in pain “Shawn, are you okay?” He shook his head yea and drove off. When we got home and got out the car we were hand in hand then we walked into the house. The guys all saw Shawn’s cheek but blew that off because Shawn didn’t show pain. They’re eyes were glued on our hands but Keith was the first to step up and say something “Aye why yall all holdin’ hands and stuff looking like a couple.” I was nervous but just said everything “me and Shawn are dating now.” The guys were shocked and then Brian said “what Elijah man you aint gone say nothing! When we all wanna try and get with her it’s a problem but he can have her thats some bull!” Elijah came forward he ignored Bryan and said “hey man, I knew you liked Laiyah (my nickname is Laiyah or Laiy-Laiy) but uh I already knew this would happen so yall can do whatever I dont care. Long as you know not to hurt my baby sis or its me and you.” Shawn shook his head and said “okay” I smiled and kissed Shawn. All the boys clapped their hands and we ended the kiss and laughed. I kissed Shawn again and said “Uh... bae Im gonna see you later I wanna go call Leayah (my bestfriend)!” He smiled “okay aye can I come with cause I wanna talk to you before you make the call?” I shook my head yes and pulled him with me by the stairs but before we could start walking he lifted my off my feet and put me on his neck and carried me the stairs. When we got to the room her put me on the bed and kissed me roughly then he stopped and we started talking “hey Laiyah uhm... I just wanted to talk to you about us. I want to tell you that I love you and have always did every since I met you I wanted to be with you forever but was to nervous to say this so since I know were together I just wanna say I love you with all my heart!” I started crying happy tears and said “I love you t-too!” We kissed for about the rest of the night and then we fell asleep in my bed. Publication Date: December 22nd 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-prettyawesome12

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-jerilynn-bates-my-life-in-a-composition-notebook/

Jerilynn Bates My Life in a Composition Notebook Diaries are meant only for the eye of the writer To Ellen Hopkins for the novels that inspired me to try this. Redbluff is such a small town, full of mediocre people all trying to steal eachothers styles. Sometimes I think the only people who don't care about how they look are my best friend and I. Though it's not as if my best friend can care about what it looks like, considering it's a composition notebook. Nevertheless, it's a great listener... and it does whatever I want. I suppose, if anyone ever paid attention to what I wrote, what I wrote in, they might find it sad, that my only friend is a notebook. Though, I doubt anyone would ever find out. Mostly because I'm a wallflower. I'm bland, plain, destined to forever be in the background of the painting. Never in the spotlight, but always there to witness. I know, stupid. But in a town the size of a quarter, you'd think everyone knew everyone, and no secrets were kept. My secrets, however, most always revolve around feeling small. I suppose I only have my parents to blame, for meeting, for falling in "love," marrying and moving to such a claustraphobic town. I've always wondered what it would be like to fit in, live in a place where it was easy to connect with the person next to you like they were your own kin. I suppose I'll never know where a place like that is. Or if there even is a place like that. Is it always so difficult to stand out? Not blend into the wallpaper like some decoration you didn't want to get but somehow found yourself buying anyway? I wonder if I have a place somewhere out there. I'm always hearing about people finding their 'place' in this world. and it always happens to revolve around the opposite sex and "love." I've always found it difficult to believe there's a such thing as love. I force that from my mind though, as I try to concentrate on my schoolwork. Math is a subject I've never understood. What kind of thing would want to create such mindlessness? My mother, before her alcoholism, once told me, it's not a what, so much as a who. Just as the Mr. Kendalls, the math teacher asks us how to solve the ratio he had written on the board, a boy walks in. I hear the kids around me start whispering. He's hot. Yes, he is. Tall, blond, built. Yeah, I guess he would be the tippical 'hot', I thought as he strode up to the teacher to tell Mr. Kendalls that he was the new student. And then he turned and and looked at... me? I looked over both shoulders to see if he was looking past me, but no one was sitting behind me. He can't be looking at me, though, could he? It's not like I was bad looking, exactly. But I cirtainly wasn't good looking. Not like the other girls in this class, Not like he is. I felt myself freeze, my cells turn to ice as even my most figity didget stopped moving, and, as my face heated, I realized I was completely still. But he wasn't still. He, it seemed, was as free to move as the nonexistant wind that fluttered his clothing as he took the empty seat behind me, smirking. And all through the rest of class, I could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of my head, stairing. After class I cut across the quad and into the library. Lunch was my safety, a place to go and get away from the noise of a boring school. A place to finally be alone, just my best friend and I. I walked strait past the tables and into the rows and rows of books, choosing a spot in the very back between shelves and sat. I guess this is where I belong. Because this is where I am. Back here, away from crowds, it was quiet. Here, in the section that holds nothing but dictionaries, medical, tree, animals, bee's, I was alone. I was able to blend in to the back ground where ever I went, but here, I was nearly nonexistant. I opened the cover of my composition notebook, figuring I had enough time to write a little down, for later access into memories I'd have otherwise forgotten. I know it's stupid, But seeing as though I don't have a friend thats able to speak to remind me of the memories I'd lost, concidering that I'm a wallflower, It's possibly, maybe, just a little bit, alright... that I have a diary. Gods, I'm so sad. Not the teary, depressed sad that most use the word as, that my alchoholic mom would assume is what I meant, but the kind of sad that lable's me exactly as what I am; a loser. I've never concidered the fact that I might have low self esteem, but thinking about it now, I guess it made sense. With me, I guess, of course it would. The story of my life, though, right? Depression, low self esteem, a best friend who's never shown any interest in me except for what I shove into it's card board mouth. Why would anyone care about someone like that? A nobody. Would you care? I don't think anybody would. An ordinary girl like me, peddles a bland shade of yellow, that turns tannish when compared to the sickly green wallpaper background. Who would care if I died? I wasn't exactly keen On the idea of dieing. But I suppose it was something that happened to everyone eventually, right? Nothing lasts forever, it can't, not even life. As sad as the thought that there would come a point in time where you really, truely did become nonexistant, I couldn't find it in myself to believe that there was any hope for an affterlife for me of anykind. Thats just the way it is I mean, if I'm not noticed in life, if I'm bland enough that only the lockers and windows and walls would want to keep my company,why would that change just because I died? I wouldn't have been surprised if I didn't make death's cut either and instead was forced to live forever... no matter how lame. Text: Original story. Copyright laws apply here. All rights reserved. Publication Date: August 4th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-artanimelover

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-sophie-j-brain-a-deal-with-the-devil/

Sophie J Brain A Deal With The Devil Prologue   Prologue She could feel his hot breath on her neck as he pushed himself in, doing her best not to cringe she moved her face to the side. Big mistake as she turned he used the opportunity to kiss her, why was she doing this again? Each week she swore she would find another way and yet she always found herself back in the same situation and even though she knew she had to do it for the sake of her daughter it didn't make it any better. After about 10 minutes of him pumping her, groaning and slobbering all over her, he pulled himself out and grabbed her hair. He was hurting her again and he knew he was, his dick was getting a little firmer each time she whimpered, he pulled her up and kissed her hard, his tongue going down her throat, this lasted for about five minutes before he roughly spun her around and pushed her so she was bent over the desk. “Oh, Jennifer I'm going to enjoy this” he muttered as he slowly entered her arse She grunted slightly as she felt him slide deeply into her butt, it was hurting, it always hurt but Jen had to do her best not a cry, if she was weeping he would do for longer. This is for Caroline Jen scream in her mind, all this pain and suffering was so her daughter could have a better start in life than her, so she could turn out differently. Ever since Jen was young she had been a target for bullies, the overbearing bastards would always choose her for their twisted mind games. “Oh Jen” he moaned as he slammed into her “oh you are so good, you dirty whore” Why did she always let him do this to her? Why didn't she just take a stand and say no? Tell the men in her life that she was better? Was it because deep down she knew she was nothing more than a dirty slut, branded this way since the age of 13 She felt herself unclench as he took his hard cock from her arse but before she had time to relax she was back on her knees and his cock was in her mouth as he used her hair to push her so his dick went further and further into her mouth, it tasted foul and the stench was horrible, she doubted he had washed for a few days. “Oh suck me good” he moaned like she had a choice in anyway, she felt his hand reach down and touch her boob squeezing hard with delight and then she wasn't sucking him anymore but had been pushed back down onto the floor, his lips were on her nipples licking and sucking while his fingers violently abused her pussy, it was all hurting but she could do nothing about it, if she did then her daughter wouldn't be going to best school and wouldn't turn out differently from her. Then he was on top of her again kissing her neck and entering her pussy, pounding her and moaning. “Oh, Jen you are the best” he grunted “Oh yes fuck me, move those hips you bitch” She made a feeble attempt to move and his hand slapped her face “do it properly or not at all you slut, ah who needs you?” Jen shut her eyes and laid perfectly still as he pushed into her, thrashed in and out of her until she felt him tremble above her “oh fuck me Jen” he moaned before collapsing on top of her. Another week was finished and she had another week before she had to come back and let this slob maul her again and make her feel like a piece of shit on his shoe. “Oh Jen” He mumbled as he kissed her and got up “you are such a nice slut” He rolled off her and picked up her clothes, he sniffed them quickly before tossing them at her “Get dressed and go” he spat “you are making the room untidy” She slowly got up being careful not to move her thighs too quickly, they seem to be constantly bruised these days, she got dressed as quickly as she could, anything to be out of this place but as she reached the door she heard him call out her name. She turned around and faced him, he was a beefy man but Jen could still see where he was once attractive, his black hair was still that little bit too long and his body gave the appearance of superiority that supported his nature. Dreading the next words from his mouth she watched as he picked up a pencil from the desk and began to fiddle with it, completely mesmerised by the slight movement of his hands. “Keith” she answered almost defiantly, he hated when she called him by his first name. His face went red but he did little else to show his anger “I almost forgot to mention the school fees are raising from next term” Her heart fell to her stomach, she couldn't even afford the fees as they were now, how was she supposed to afford anything higher? She needed to make sure Caroline got a better start in life than she did, “But Mr Burton you know I can't afford anything more than I am already paying” Burton stood up and stalked around her like a vulture circling their prey “Its 'Mr Burton' now you want something from me, is it?” “I have nothing else to give you and you know that” Jen said softly “Please you must be able to do something I'm begging you” “I do love to see you when you beg” his eyes sparkled with an evil delight as he backed her into the door, reaching behind her to lock it “funny last time I believed you were on your knees” “Mr Burton please” Jen begged “You cannot want it again, we agreed to one hour each week, you just finished, you cannot be horny again” Burton slapped her face, then used her backside to pull her to him so she could see just how horny he was “Our agreement was for me to help you out with fees as they stood before, they are now rising and I think perhaps we should raise your end of bargain. Say two hours every week, perhaps even two days a week for two hours” he threw her roughly back into the door “Mr Burton that isn't fair” She whispered “Fair?!” he laughed “you forget my dear that I have something over you, you want that daughter of yours not to grow into a dirty whore like her mother and I am the key to that dream, so I don't have to play fair” Jennifer felt her eyes sting with tears “Please just help me” Burton began to undo his trousers as he leaned over and licked her ear, softly, he knew she hated that, once his hard cock was fully exposed he whispered “Get onto your knees and beg for me Jennifer, and enjoy it this time” Chapter One   Chapter One Jennifer is thirteen years old and is about to meet someone who will change her life for ever.   Jennifer Gilmore made the same walk home from school every day, she passed the same trees and the same houses and it took her the same amount of time. One late March afternoon however Jen would take longer to get home, as she turned into Jackdaw lane she banged straight into a man. “I'm so sorry” she cried out immediately despite the fact that it was her that was sprawled on the floor and not him, who looked magnificently calm looking down at her with a twinkle in his eye, she looked down and saw with utter embarrassment that her legs were wide open, she closed them quickly. The man smiled and held out his arm “Would you like a hand?” She smiled gratefully and took his hand “Thank you so much, I'm so sorry about that I should really look where I'm going” No one said anything, he was too busy looking at her and she was too busy looking at him, as she had been speaking that twinkle in his eye had caught her attention and she had been mesmerised by it. He wasn't an old man but almost certainly in his thirties. His hair was greying slightly at the edges and his eyes looked like they held a world of knowledge. It was at this point that Jen realised that she had been so busy studying him that she had not noticed he was doing a good job of studying her and the look on his face was nothing short of approval, what he approved of however Jen had no idea. “It’s no bother” he finally replied, his voice as smooth as silk “no one was hurt” “I can daydream horribly” Jen said feeling a need to explain herself “No one is usually on this road” “Perhaps I should buy you a coke for the inconvenience of my presence” He smiled “It is the least I can do” Jen felt her face flush “Oh no that's ok it was me that bumped into you” He smiled and Jen felt her stomach flutter “in that case make it up to me by letting me spend the afternoon in your company” There were many reasons why she should say no, he was a stranger and surely someone at home would miss her. Jen frowned, actually, her mum and her new step dad Colin were always so busy these days that they probably wouldn't miss her, she looked back up at his mysterious gentleman and once again found herself transfixed by that twinkle in his eye, she felt like she could get lost in that twinkle, slowly she nodded, after all one small afternoon of adventure couldn't hurt too much.   As the weeks went by Jen found herself bumping into her mystery man more and each time they went for a bite to eat. She soon found out that his name was Phil and after a bit of time she came to trust him completely. By the end of their third meeting he knew everything about her, it never occurred to Jen as she finished telling Phil all about her that she knew very little about him, all she thought about was how much he must care for her to listen to everything. Seven weeks after their first meeting Jen walked out of school to find him outside, he had never met her from school and this was a wonderful surprise “Phil” she called as ran up to him “what are you doing here?” “Well my dear I thought perhaps we could go somewhere else today” he answered cryptically “Oh?” she frowned “Is there anywhere near here then? Colin says all the places around here are dumps” “Colin is probably referring to the restaurants” he replied “I am referring to my house” “Your house?” Jen echoed. Without answering Phil grabbed her arm and started leading her out of the school building towards the neighbouring village. “Phil wait” Jen laughed enjoying it all despite herself “Where are we going?” He stopped and turned around a small smile touching his features, instead of answering her question he leaned down and kissed her softly and moved back, then while she was in a daze, he had never none more than kiss her cheek, he leaned down and kissed her again but this time he slid his tongue into her mouth and explored, she didn't know what to do so she just stood there and let him kiss her, then she felt his hand reach her backside. As he squeezed something inside of her went off and she knew what to do, she used her own tongue to find his and licked tenderly, in her head it was like their tongues were performing a slow dance of ecstasy. Phil  slowly moved his head up and smiled slyly “Such a lovely kiss from someone so sweet and innocent but we still have much practise to do, so are we going back to mine?” Jen nodded and followed him to his house, when they had entered the house he locked the door behind her and led her to the sofa. She sat down awkwardly and smiled, her heart was beating a mile a minute completely unsure of what this wonderful man would say or do next, for the last seven weeks something had been transforming within her and it had finally come to head with his kiss. She loved this man, she knew she shouldn't and she knew that it would never work, her step dad would never allow it especially as it would almost certainly mean his successful business would go down the tubes but she did anyway and now she didn't know how to act. Phil  sat down next to her and kissed her softly, she became aware of his hand on her leg, he continued to kiss her and explore her with his tongue, his hand moved to her shirt and he started to undo her buttons, she stiffened slightly, she was not used to this much intimacy. “Shhh” he whispered in her ear “It's all ok” his tongue darted out and traced the outline of her ear and Jen felt herself melting under him, his hand squeezed her breast slightly and she felt herself tingle between her legs it was at this point that she became aware of his cock hard against her leg, Jen knew enough about sex to know what that meant. “Oh, god Jenny” he murmured against her lips “Oh I want you” Jen moaned softly as she felt him kiss her neck, she wanted this, all of it, more than anything she had ever wanted in her life but the sensible side of her brain began to kick in and she found herself scared of the next step, this was all happening too fast. “Jennifer what's going on?” Phil  stopped and got up “you've gone all stiff, I'm just trying to show you how much I love you” Jen felt her heart expand “You love me?” “I do Jenny” He murmured softly “and I thought you loved me” “I do love you Phil ” Jen whispered “I do” He stood up “Then you show me Jenny, show me how much you love me” “But I’m not sure if I am ready to do all of it right now” she felt so embarrassed her words came out as a sob. “You don't have to do everything sweetheart” he replied as he began to undo his trousers and rub his hard cock “You can suck me if you want” “Suck you?” Jen asked In reply he shoved his cock closer to her “Put this is in your mouth and slowly suck, move your mouth up and down it” Jen gingerly took hold of his cock and ran her hand up and down it, feeling the muscles pulse beneath her touch, she heard him groaning her name “and you want me to suck it?” He looked down at her “It would certainly show me how much you love me” Jen nodded and moved her mouth to the tip of his cock and then slid her mouth down the length of it, the slight hair on his balls tickled her nose, it was a very strange experience and the taste was so weird but she knew that if she stopped he would think she didn't love him and she so desperately wanted to show him that she did. As she moved her head back to the tip of his dick he groaned her name and grabbed onto her hair and pushed her back down to his balls “I prefer you here” he groaned and then using her hair he started to guide her mouth up and down his cock, not only did he control her movement but also her speed. At times, it felt like she was going to be sick and he was pulling on her hair which was causing a bit of pain but she was happy for it if it made him feel loved. He pulled her completely off his dick and leaned down to kiss her his tongue ramming into her mouth “I fucking love you Jenny, you suck cock so good” with barely a minute to breath her face was pushed back onto his cock. Again, he used her hair to guide her. Her head moving up and down his dick first slowly and then the longer she sucked the faster he made her go and his groans got louder with each thrust. “Oh, God Jenny that's it harder, oh yes suck me good” After 10 minutes of sucking him she felt his cock getting more stiff in her mouth and he let a moan louder than the others. “Oh, Jenny oh fuck yes”. He came in her mouth, his sperm dribbled slightly down her chin and he put himself back in his trousers, was she able to spit it out at all? It didn't taste bad but it had a slightly salty taste that wasn't going well with her, she looked up at him to see what he wanted of her. “If you like the taste you can swallow it” He smiled Jen did so, not because she was overly fond of the taste but she was scared if she didn't he would think she didn't care for him and she didn't want that. She stood up and wiped her mouth “I do love you Phil .” “I love you too Jenny” He smiled as he grabbed her arse “but for now we must keep this a secret, you know your step father would never allow it” “I know” she said “I wish he would be ok with it as I want to be with you” “We will be together Jenny but when you are old enough” he replied kissing her ear “You could never come here now, think of what people would say” “I know” Jen signed “we can still have out dinners, though can't we?” “I will still be seeing you every day Jenny yes” Phil  promised “we can work on your sucking skills, see if we can make you better than perfect” Jen smiled weakly “I'm sure I could try”   And Jen did try her very best, from that day on Phil  stopped taking her for dinner and started taking her round his house for a daily cock suck, after two weeks she knew enough that he didn't have to grab onto her and guild her, she could do it all on her own, he still did grab on if he got very excited though. It was a very odd thing, every time she sucked him and he came in her mouth he said he loved her even more but Jen could sense that he was getting agitated about not moving any further. He would try to get her to go all the way but then stop with a frustrated grunt and shove his dick into her mouth, she wished she could go all the way with him, she wasn't sure what was stopping her she certainly loved Phil , it was just getting the courage, that final push that made her do it. One day Jen got the push that she needed, she left school and was shocked to see he wasn't there, since that first day at his house he was always waiting for her, without thinking she went to his house, he opened the door quickly and angrily. “Jenny, you shouldn't be here” he growled but he grabbed her arm and pulled her inside “I was worried about you” she mumbled “when you didn't meet me” “Perhaps it is because I did not want to meet you” he snapped Jen stepped back slightly hurt and slightly scared, she had never seen him like this before, had never seen him angry before, it was stupid but she did not think he was capable of such an emotion. “I'm sorry” she whispered “I should go” “Jenny wait” he grabbed her hand “I'm sorry, I'm just a bit stressed today that's all” he pulled her closer and kissed her lightly “please stay” Jen felt her lips tingle and nodded quickly “Can I help at all?” “I don't know” he replied “Well what is wrong?” Jen asked, desperate to help in anyway so he would not be angry anymore. “Well first work has been a total nightmare this week” he began “and usually in those circumstances I would want to go and make love to my girlfriend but of course you aren't ready for that and then I got myself all worked up” “Because I won't make love to you?” Jen asked “Well I started thinking that maybe you don't love me as you say you do” he answered his voice working its way back to the sharp tone he had used earlier “Jenny I am willing to give myself to you completely but you don't seem willing to do the same. How can I know you love me when you refuse to show me?” Jen bit her lip in thought, over the last few weeks all she had been able to think about was how he might start to doubt her feelings if she didn't have sex with him and now that is exactly what had happened, she felt disgusted with herself. Suddenly she had the need to show him that she loved him and to show him how much, she looked up at him and smiled weakly, he looked back down and her but didn't say anything finally she asked “Will you be gentle?” His smile turned slightly possessive and he let out a small growl before grabbing her shoulders and kissing her, his tongue slipped into her mouth and it felt like he wanted to taste every inch of her, his hands moved to her backside, he grabbed and squeezed her, moaning deeply into her mouth. Then it all began to happen at once, before she knew what was happening he had lowered her onto the sofa and she was half dressed, he never stopped kissing her throughout the whole process, he was like an animal and Jen did not know whether to feel thrilled or scared. Within five minutes he had removed all of her clothing and he began to kiss her nipples, she let out a small moan whatever he was doing it felt so wicked and so lovely, she felt wanted and beautiful. Why had she waited so long for this? Why had she made him wait?. “Oh God Jenny” he grunted as he moved his fingers to her legs “You are so fucking good, I am going to fuck you so hard” “Phil ?” she asked nervously. “It’s all fine my dear” he murmured kissing her neck “I will make it good” She nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see, she hoped he would sense that she trusted him, He got off her for a moment and undressed, her eyes moved to his hard cock, even though she had sucked it on a near daily basis for the last few weeks it suddenly dawned on her how big he was, and he would need to put that inside of her? All she could think was that it was not in any way going to work. He re-joined her and his fingers worked their way up her leg as he began to kiss once more, first he started on her collar bone and then trailed a line of kisses down her chest until he reached her nipples, he kissed them again but this time he was biting slightly, it did not feel the same for Jen as it had before, he was hurting but she didn't want to ask him to stop now not when he was feeling so close to her. He moved back to her hear “Oh Jenny I love you, I'm going to touch you now” “Touch me?” Jen echoed, “aren't you doing that now?” He chucked, low and softly into her ear “I'm going to really touch you now” Jen didn't know what to expect then she felt his fingers touch her vagina, he thrust one inside her and she let out a soft scream, she had not been expecting this kind of intimacy and she had not had time to brace herself, Phil kissed her hard as he pulled his finger out and positioned his cock ready to enter her. “Oh Jenny I am going to enjoy this” he murmured “you are so ready, you naughty girl” He pushed himself inside of her, kissing her so she would not scream. The sensation was so weird, it hurt a lot but Jen did not want to tell him to go slowly, she wanted him to enjoy this even if she didn't, she didn't mind how it is was for her as long as it was good for him, besides she had heard that a girl rarely enjoys her first time. “Oh fuck Jenny” He groaned as he pumped in and out of her, each thrust more painful that the last “Oh fuck me Jenny” Instinctively she moved her hips up, his cock moved deeper inside of her and the pain became stronger, perhaps she was doing it wrong and that is why she wasn't enjoying it so much, she moved her hips again in the hope that she would began to feel the same ecstasy as he was. “Oh Jenny” He moaned, his thrusts were getting faster and more deep “Oh carry on what you are doing, oh you good girl” He reached under her and squeezed her bum, his cock went completely into her and all she could feel was an enormous pain, it shattered through her and she wanted to scream but he had already covered her mouth with his and was kissing her, his tongue taking control of her mouth so she couldn't make a sound if she wanted to. After a few minutes the pain started to go down, as if he knew he stopped kissing her and moved to ear whispering “You are mine now Jenny in every possible way and I'm going to make sure you know it” Squeezing and kissing her nipples, he pounded her wounded and swollen pussy, the pain had started to ease off and Jen felt the beginnings of pleasure tingle through her, she let out a small moan “Oh you like this?” he laughed softly “I had better go faster then?” he started thrusting even faster than before, the short pleasure that Jen had found was gone replaced with a frictional pain, luckily Phil was lost in his own pleasure to see. Phil carried on making love to her, each thrust more hard and fast than the one before, for a few more minutes. His hands moved all over her and his lips kissed her neck and her nipples. Jen did what she could for his enjoyment and moved her hips in time with his as best as she could, her hands lifted up and brushed along his chest, he let out a small growl and moved her hand to his balls “rub then” he groaned and she began to do so. “Oh god fuck Jenny” He screamed as he pounded her for the final time, she felt his hot liquid enter her as he collapsed onto of her “Oh Jenny” he mumbled “you dirty girl you”   Chapter Two Chapter Two Two months later, Jen makes a deal that will forever define her life.   Jen spent most days with Phil after their first time, especially as it was the school holidays. She found that he could be a very passionate man, if they weren't having sex then she was usually sucking him or giving him a hand job, so far he was enjoying all of their encounters and had made no more indications that he doubted her true feelings for him. Soon September rolled around and she had to go back to school, on the first day back she found herself impatiently tapping the desk willing the time to move faster so she could escape and see him again. Each time they made love she always tried to do something a little different in hope that it would please him a bit more and so far the act has not been overly pleasurable for her, Jen's one goal and dream at that moment was for them both to orgasm while performing an act of love but she had not felt such pleasure yet, luckily she didn't think Phil had noticed that fact. At long last school was over and she ran as fast as she could to Phil 's house, she tried the handle when she got there but it was locked so she knocked on the door, Phil opened it a few moments later looking slightly flustered, he grabbed her hand and pulled her in “Thank God you are here” he muttered quickly “Phil ?” she asked “what is wrong? Have I done something?” “Oh Jenny you haven't done anything” He raked his hands through his hair “It's me I've upset someone dreadfully and he is not the kind of man that you upset” “How did you upset him?” Jen was quite scared now, Phil never looked worried. “I owed him some money but I wasn't able to pay it all back” he replied “That did not please him very much” “Can I help at all” Jen asked “I have some money saved” “Oh Jenny” he sighed “This has gone a lot further than money now, he feels dishonoured” “Oh” Jen bit her lip “So what can we do?” “There is something that might help” Phil answered “but I hate to ask it of you, I love you so much and you shouldn't be mixed up in my mess” “I love you too” she replied “that is why I want to help, what might help?” “Well Mr Turner is rather fond of woman” Phil murmured “perhaps if you did something to sweeten him it might make things better” ”You mean like sex?” Jen was confused, why would he want her to do that with someone else? It was an act of love. He shrugged hopelessly “I don't want to ask you to do anything Jenny but I also don't want us to spend the rest of our lives looking over shoulders, I doubt you would have to go all the way with him, if you gave him a blow job that should be fine” Jen felt her insides twist, she didn't want to suck some random guy but she didn't want Phil to be worried either and as he said the alternative would be to spend the rest of their lives worried that this man would strike, This was not the kind of life that she wanted to have, finally she nodded “Ok I will do this for us, when will it happen?” , As if on cue the doorbell rang “That will be him now” Jen nodded a little scared of what he would be like, Phil was always so thoughtful to her, this Mr Turner might not by the same. Phil opened the door and Mr Turner walked in looking very powerful, he had a lean but muscular body, short blonde hair and he possessed the slightest stubble. When his piecing grey eyes looked at her his well-formed lips smiled in approval Phil stepped forward “Mr Turner, this is Jenny” “Jenny very nice to meet you” Mr Turner said smoothly Jen smiled, thinking that would be the best course of action at that moment. “Jenny will be trying to arrange a peace offering” she heard Phil say as he opened the door to the lounge “So I will just leave you here for a few minutes” Jen followed Mr Turner into the room and smiled awkwardly, she was not sure what etiquette for this was. Mr Turner, on the other hand, seemed to be completely aware of what to do, he roughly grabbed her hair and pushed her down so she kneeling in front of him, very slowly he undid his black jeans and pushed them down. “Take it out” he ordered gruffly Jen swallowed and gingerly pulled down his boxers taking his large firm cock into her hands, she heard him groan and his hand tightened around her hair and used it to shove her mouth down the length of his dick. The action caught her off guard and almost made her gag, he was slightly bigger than Phil and she had not expected him to go this fast with her. After the initial shock she managed to get her wits again and began to move her mouth in the ways Phil had taught her. She tightened her mouth around his cock and teased. Using her tongue to swirl around the length of his cock until she rested on the tip, she sucked softly and her tongue darted along the tip. Mr Turner seemed to like this, his cock got harder in her mouth and she heard him groan. Using her instinct she moved her hands to his balls and massaged slowly as she started to move up and down his cock, his groans got more enthused and his actions got more painful. Then it all turned out of her control, he used her hair to stop her from sucking him and pushed her onto the sofa and removed her knickers, Jen felt herself begin to shake, Phil had not warned her that this might happen. “Shh” Mr Turner whispered in her ear “It will all be ok” He spread open her legs and moved his mouth to her pussy, his tongue began to move up and down her clit. It would have felt great if she had not been so scared. Jen should call Phil , she knew she should, but she was so scared of what would happen if she did, if this man was truly dangerous he might turn violent and then what would happen to her? What would happen to Phil ? She had to let him do what he wanted, when it was all over then she would tell Phil but right now she was just concerned with keeping this potentially harmful man happy. So instead she kept quiet and let this man explore her most intimate area with his tongue and fingers, she felt tears prick her eyes as his actions got more violent, after about five minutes of his tongue licking her pussy he stopped and moved himself away from her. Jen let out a sigh of relief as it seemed it was all finally over however her comfort was short lived when she realised he was taking off his trousers “You are ready for me now” he grinned as he moved himself over her. He began to enter her but where Phil had been slow and careful this man was fast and hard, in one movement he was fully embedded within her, Jen bit her lip to stop herself from screaming in pain, she was so determined to not make any noise, she did not want Phil to come in and stop Mr Turner. She was sure he would since he loved her and not expected this to happen but Jen was so terrified of the consequences of that happening. Mr Turner groaned as his thrusts got more powerful and fast, the pain within her was growing and Jen could feel tears running down her face. “Oh God” Mr Turner groaned “Oh fuck Jenny, you good girl” Then his thrusts began to slow down, he was pulling out nearly all the way and then embedding himself within her again. It was while he was pumping her like this that the pain became unbearable and Jen let out a small sob, nothing too loud but he heard it anyway, it made him grin even more “Its ok dear it will be over soon” He pulled out of her and grabbed her hair pulling her to her knees, he whacked her face with his hard cock and began to rub it up and down, it didn't take too long for him to explode on her face, his hot sperm hitting her eye and then dribbling down her down to her mouth. “Lick me clean” he ordered as he moved her head down his cock again. Once all the sperm from his cock was gone he shoved her back and told her to lay down on the sofa. Jen nodded and moved herself to the sofa. She laid so her head was turned away from Mr Turner, as she heard him leave the room she finally let all the tears flow, she cried heavy sobs and her body shock. She heard the door open again and quickly wiped her eyes. “Jenny?” it was Phil , his voice barely a whisper “Are you ok?” Jen sat up quickly, she wanted to seem calm and unfazed by it all but she knew that she still had tears in her eyes, finally she replied “he did more than you said he would” Phil blinked but otherwise seemed unaffected “What do you mean?” “He did everything” Jen whimpered “I let him do it all, I'm so sorry I should have stopped it all, I know I should have” Phil hugged her “It's ok Jenny, it's happened now and you did everything perfectly” Jen was confused, why would he think she did everything perfectly? Surely he didn't want her to sleep with other men? “Phil I don't understand” Phil stood up “I have a few people I'd like you to meet” Jen blinked in confusion “You want me to do that with other people?” “Just until we get out of trouble and then we can be together properly” Phil explained. “But I thought it was just a onetime thing?” Jen asked something inside her chest curled and twisted “I don't know if I want to do that again” “Jenny my dear, you do want us to be together, don't you?” Phil asked “You do want us to have a future?” “More than anything” Jen replied “I love you so much” “Then you can do me a few favours can't you?” Phil sat back down and grabbed her shoulders “Phil you're hurting me” her shoulders were stinging as his nails bit into her skin “Please stop it” “You will see my friends Jenny” Phil snarled “You will keep them happy” “Why would you even want me with men?” Jen asked defiantly despite the fact that she was terrified “If you love me why would you want me to do that? I don't think I can, I love you so much I can't be with another-” Phil 's hand slapping her face cut her off “Don't you understand, stupid girl, it’s because I love you that I want you to do it, once this is done we can have a family.” “You hit me” it was all she could bring herself to say, maybe Phil was right, a few more men wouldn't be so bad and if it meant a lifetime with the man she loved then she was sure it would be worth it. “Would it be many more people?” Phil smiled and hugged her again “Oh you won't regret this my dear” Chapter Three Chapter Three 5 months later, Jen is still keeping Phil’s friends happy and is beginning to see herself differently.   Whenever she looked in the mirror these days she always saw a stranger. When she was at school she heard people use terms that she dare not think about but when she was alone they all came swimming back to her, whore, slut, tart . They never say them to her but it still made her flinch regardless, Jen often wondered if other people could see it all in her eyes, if they could see all the secrets that she carried, if they could see all the favours she had done for Phil . It never got any easier for her, each day she went to his house and she knew it wouldn’t just be him that she would see but someone else as well, one more person if she was lucky usually it was two, she always seemed to carry condoms with her now since Phil did not want her on the pill. Phil promised that it would all be coming to an end soon, he promised her every day but it seemed there was always one more person up the ladder that had heard about her services and just needed to have her, Jen had made up in her mind that perhaps this was just the life she would need to lead for the moment. “Jenny where are you” Phil called banging on the bathroom door, “Mr Carter is waiting for you” Jen signed and finished putting on her lipstick, she opened the door and smiled at Phil who leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, that way he wouldn't mess up her make up. “I thought it was Mr Patel?” “That's later my dear” Phil replied smacking her bum as she walked in front of him “then I have something to talk to you about” Jenny nodded dutifully, each day he seemed to want to speak to her about something. She entered the spare bedroom where Mr Carter was waiting for her, he leaned down and kissed her savagely and pushed her onto the bed, the rest was rather a blur. Jen always turned her head away and thought about something else while it was happening. Mr Patel came in almost immediately after Mr Carter was done and again Jen just turned her head away and stared out the window. There was a park nearby and she could see a little girl playing with her father, or who Jen assumed was her father, she looked so young and innocent as she ran around the park with this gentleman chasing her. It became too hard for her to watch so Jen turned her back and looked up at the man who was pumping her slowly and then within a flash she was back into reality and she could not escape. Mr Patel got off of her and pushed her down so she could suck his cock, this was a change, she hadn't done this in a few weeks. Her mouth got back into the regular routine quickly enough and she started to tease his cock slowly as she heard his groans get more and more enthused until he exploded in her mouth, the taste was vile but Jen knew she couldn't spit it out until he was gone. She heard him leave the room and spat it into the cup she kept on the bed side table, oh god this was truly vile at times, she hoped it would all be over soon but she always so scared to ask Phil when it would be. She heard the door behind her open and then there he was stood looking over her, he gave her a tissue which she accepted gratefully. She dabbed the side of mouth and watched as he sat down next to her “I need to talk to you” he murmured as he kissed her neck. “Oh yeah?” she asked “what about?” “Well I need you to come over five days a week now” he answered running his hand up her leg “more people are interested in meeting you and it will mean that we can get this nasty business over with sooner” “I'm not sure if I can” Jen said leaning back as his hand reached her pussy, his fingers playing with her clit and then entering her, she bit her lip slightly at the pain, she was always sore these days “Colin is asking lots of questions about where I have been, I'm not sure if he would let me out more” Phil moved so his finger was further inside her and leaned down to kiss her chest “Well Jenny I am sure you can find some way to get him off your case” She didn't need to be a genius to work out what Phil was trying to say, he wanted her to seduce Colin so he would let her out of the house more, she just wasn't sure if she could do it, sleeping with strangers was one thing but Colin was someone she had to see every day. “Jenny I want you now” Phil groaned as he pushed her so she was laid on the floor completely, he entered her slowly but his actions after that were fast, he slammed in and out of her pussy painfully while kissing her roughly “Oh God Jenny you are good” Jen smiled weakly, she didn't want to tell him how painful his actions were, she grunted slightly as he bit the skin around her nipple a bit too hard. He slammed into her one last time letting out a loud moan and she felt his hot liquid enter her, Phil moved to her side and began to kiss her ear. “You do like fucking me don’t you?” he whispered. She nodded because even though it hurt most of the time and she had not yet learnt how to enjoy sex, she did love Phil and because of that she like it when they made love together. “Of course I do” “Well then I'm sure you will find some way to make your step father let you out more, and then we can fuck five times a week instead of just three” The thought became appealing to Jen and maybe Phil was right, if she was there more then it meant that she could have sex with the people Phil had upset quicker and they would be together sooner. “I will try my best” she promised “Good girl” Phil patted her on the head “now are you going to clean me up?” Jen got on her knees and began to suck Phil 's cock, getting rid of sperm that was covering it, feeling him getting hard in her mouth again; it was going to be a long afternoon.   Later that evening Jen found herself stood outside of Colin's study, the closed door looking very intimidating as always. Quietly she knocked on the door and waited for her step father's voice allowing her entry. Once she was inside she didn't know what to do, so she stayed awkwardly stood by the door. “Ah Jennifer” Colin smiled “What a welcome surprise, I thought it would be your mother” “Oh sorry” she murmured not sure what else to say “It’s quite al right” he replied softly “How can I help you?” “Well I, um, just wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming straight after school for a while” best to get it out at once “I will back for dinner but I'm still helping my friend in the afternoons” “What are you helping you friend with?” he asked standing up and walking towards her. Jen took a step back “Just some business, he is giving me an internship that's why I've been staying out already but now he says he needs me five days a week” “I bet he does” Colin said with a sly smile. As he looked at her she suddenly felt very exposed in the nightie she was wearing. She moved her arms so she covered up slightly and took another step back so she was pressed up against the door. Colin reached behind her and locked the door. “Colin?” Jen asked nervously, “I'm not a fool Jennifer” he said in a low vice “I know you having sex, you come back stiff and I can tell you are sore” Jen bit her lip and looked down at the floor she hadn't been aware that her activities were so easy to detect. Colin used his fingers to lift her face up “Its ok dear, I'm not going to tell your mother. So you have found yourself a boyfriend then?” “Yes we love each other very much” Jen answered “And now you need to see him every day after school?” at her nod he stroked his hand down her cheek “I'm sure it would be fine but perhaps you could love me a little as well?” Jen understood perfectly and licked her lips softly. Colin took her silence as agreement and leaned down to kiss her. It was a light touch of his lips onto her's, over just as quickly as it had started. Jen felt herself nod despite the fact that she had already agreed. “It's nice when we can be friendly” he smiled unlocking the door behind her. As she turned to go she felt his hand cup her arse and squeeze roughly. Jen bit her lip to stop herself from yelping. She moved quietly to her room and silently began to cry. She didn't know how much longer she could do this, all she was clinging onto was the fact that at the end of it all she and Phil would be together but that dream was fading from her mind with every new man she to fuck and now she would have to give herself to Colin and see him every day, it was going to be unbearable.   A week later Jen found herself restless, she had just had to see three people at Phil ’s house and she was not feeling very well. She missed the times before they had had sex when Phil would take her out on dates. That had all stopped after the first time they made love. With a heavy sigh she let herself into her house looking around for Colin, he had been to see her twice since they had made their agreement and so far seemed to enjoy what she had to offer. She walked in the house slowly and silently, she was home a bit later than normal so she didn't want to disturb anyone. Suddenly she felt an arm come out and grab her, before she knew what was happening she had been pulled into Colin's study and was pushed up against his door. He grabbed her shoulders and roughly kissed her, his tongue probing her mouth as his hand reached up and squeezed her buttocks. He used the leverage of her bum to pull her to him, she felt his hard cock through his trousers, as he let go of her he pushed her slightly back into the door. Jen looked up at him as he leant on his desk looking very calm and masterful “You are late home today” he said “I'm sorry Colin” she replied “things over ran, I came back as quickly as I could” “It’s a good job I waited up for you isn't it” he smiled “Your mother wasn't feeling very well, she went to bed taking one of her tablets” Jen looked at the clock it was barely past eight o'clock, her mother usually went to bed early these days, she said she didn't sleep well and insisted on taking sleeping tablets that usually made her dead to the world until morning. She looked back up at Colin who was grinning at her. “I hope mum wasn't too sick” “Oh no” he said softly “just tired, come here Jennifer” She dutifully walked over to him, after which he started kissing her neck and lips, moaning softly, he put his hands in her hair and pulled softly. “Oh you taste so good” he murmured. She just smiled at him, she knew it was best to stay silent at these moments; he twisted his body around so he could get full access to her. “You really need to make sure you let us know when you will be late, we get worried.” “I'm sorry” Jen said again “I will try my best to let you know next time” “Lean on the desk” he ordered roughly, helping her when she didn't perform the action quick enough “We are going to do something different this time, I will make sure you do tell us when you are late” Jen turned her head around scared slightly for what would happen but then it all became clear when he began to pull down her tights and panties. He picked up a book from the desk and used to spank her arse, each whack harder and more painful than the last, Jen bit her lip but couldn't stop herself from letting out a small whimper now and again, after a while he stopped using a book and just used his hands, oddly it was those slaps that hurt the most, when she was sure her bum was red raw she felt him stop she went to turn around but he held her firmly in place. She heard him get on his knees and felt as his hands began to massage her buttocks, squeezing on occasion. “Have you learned your lesson?” she heard him whisper “Yes I have” she answered softly In answer to this he moved his mouth and began to kiss her backside, his tongue flicking against her butt hole. He opened her leg and shoved his fingers into her pussy, moving them in and out as he sucked and kissed her bum. Then he stood back up and pushed her so her face was resting on the desk and her bum was fully exposed “You are going to enjoy this Jennifer” he purred. She could not have prepared herself in any way for what happened next, Colin entered her arse, the pain was excruciating and she felt like her whole body was stretching. He began to slowly pump her, moving in and out of her still sore arse, with each thrust his moans got louder and louder and the pain got worse. Jen tried to think about something else but she couldn't all she could think about what the pain and that fact that she was letting it all happen. After five minutes of this painful torture Colin added a whole new element, he began to spank her while he was thrusting; she could feel him getting hard as he began to do this. He used her hair to pull her up so he could whisper her ear “Remember whoever you are with, out there you will always come home to me” after which he pushed back down and used her hips to move deeper inside her. Jen let out a small scream despite her best efforts. “Oh just bite your lip dear” Colin snapped “It will be over soon” When it felt like she was going to pass out for the pain he pulled out of her completely and pushed her down so she was on her knees. He stood above her and began to run his hand up and down his cock, from instinct she moved up and began to play with his balls, Colin gave her a knowing look but did not ask her to stop, Jen moved and slowly licked them. It was then that he pushed her back, clearly at the end of his limit and orgasmed, his liquid squirting all over her face. She started to stand up but he made her keep her on the ground, he leaned down and whispered in her ear “You are a dirty slut Jenny, I will definitely be seeing you more” he grabbed her arm and pulled her up “now go clean yourself up, perhaps I will see you again later” Jen ran out of the room into the bathroom and began to run herself a bath, she always did this now, it made her feel better relaxing in a nice hot bath, almost normal, however she knew she wasn't normal any more. Colin was right she was a dirty slut only good for one thing, luckily Phil saw beyond that and wanted to make her more than what she was. If it wasn't for him that she really wouldn't be worth anything, she was already sleeping with so many men. As Jen striped off she smiled at herself in the mirror, as the image of her and Phil growing old together floated in her mind, it would all be worth it, it had to be. She had no idea her step father would soon make her give her services to his friends as well. Chapter Four Chapter Four Three months after Jen's fourteenth birthday and she is just about to get some life changing news.   As Jen left the house to get to school she heard Colin call after her, with trepidation she walked back into the house, since she had started sleeping with Colin he had become quite demanding, asking her to do sexual favours for his business contacts. She did not like it but when she had told Phil he explained that she needed to do whatever Colin wanted because otherwise it might jeopardise their chances of being together. Apparently Colin knew enough to end their relationship; it had made sense at the time but as the months had drawn on Jen was forgetting why it had done. She pushed her brain back to the present and smiled weakly at her step father “Yes Colin?” “I just wanted to let you know that your mother is going to be away for a few days” he answered “she will probably be gone by the time you get home” “Oh why she is going?” Jen asked, her heart plummeting, with her mum away Colin was open to demand a lot more. “Just to get away for a little bit” Colin smiled slyly “she needed the break” Jen frowned unsure of why her mum would need a break, all she seemed to do is sit around the house being a lady of leisure but before she could ask what she wanted Colin added “I treated her to a nice trip abroad, she will be gone for a month” Jen smiled again trying her best to cover up the fact that her heart was sinking into her stomach. Colin could keep her up for as long as he wanted without her mum in the house, perhaps she should talk to Phil , maybe if he knew how serious things were getting with Colin he would want to step in and put a stop to it. “Thanks for letting me know” she finally murmured “I would have been worried if I didn't see her” He reached around and hugged her using the opportunity to squeeze her arse and grind her against him. “Make sure you hurry home tonight” he whispered “I have someone very important for you to meet” Jen nodded as she pulled away and began to walk out of the house again, her heart was beating fast as she slowly began to realise that she had no control over her life, things were always moving faster than she could keep up with. Sometimes she even forgot why she was putting up with all of the people Phil brought her way, then immediately felt ashamed, perhaps it was getting ahead of her at times but she knew the end result would be her and Phil together for the rest of their lives, with a sigh she pushed on to school her dread of the afternoon to follow rising with each minute.   While Jen was at school, she found herself unable to concentrate on anything except Colin, the thought of him waiting for her at home so that he could use her however he wanted was enough to make her sick. She stopped as she walked past the toilets feeling a rush of nausea fill through her, she ran into the toilet stall and vomited violently. When she was done she sat on the floor and sobbed quietly, she was not sure how much longer she could do this. For months she had let herself be subjected to all of this for the sake of love, and she did so desperately want to be with Phil but it was all becoming too much for her. She couldn't remember the last time she had a night when she wasn't fucking someone. Jen stood up as something suddenly hit her, she also couldn't remember the last time she had had her period, not in the last two months for sure. It hadn't even occurred to her before, she had been so preoccupied with Phil and Colin and their friends that she hadn't even thought about it. She had always been regular with her periods, 3rd Friday of every month, and she couldn't bring herself to believe that the lack of it now was coincidental. She shakily left the stall of the toilet and looked at herself in the mirror, did she look more chubby? She touched her stomach, could she feel anything? “J are you alright?” it was Annabelle one of her friends “you look very white” Jen smiled softly “I'm just not feeling well that’s all” “You look absolutely dreadful” Annabelle said never one to mince words “and your eyes are so red, have you been crying?” Something must have shown her face because Anna reached over and hugged her “Oh Jenny why were you crying?” “I don't know” Jen shrugged as the hug broke “I just felt sad, just suddenly became all emotional” “Ah you poor thing” Anna patted her on the shoulder “Do you want to go and see the school nurse?” Jen shook her head “no its ok I just think I'll go home early, get some rest” “Jenny you have to see the nurse to go home early” Anna reminded her “Let me take you to see her, it’s probably nothing more than your time of the month” “No I haven't been on for a few months” Jen replied without thinking. “You've missed your period?” Anna asked, all of her friends knew how regular she was “Ah well it’s probably nothing, it’s not like you have been having sex is it?” “No of course not” Jen lied, her friends didn't know about her after school activities “I'm probably just skipping them, I heard sometimes it happens” “Yeah mine goes away sometimes for a few months” Anna said as they walked down the hallway “So it’s probably nothing” Anna squeezed her as she continued to lead Jen to the nurse’s office. Jen realised that if she went to the nurse she was bound to slip up and tell them everything and then that would be it for her and Phil . She stopped suddenly and turn to Anna “Please don't make me the see the nurse she'll call home and Colin will get worried” Jen looked around to make sure no one was there “I'll just rush off and you can say you never saw me” Anna looked unsure “Jenny, are you sure you are feeling ok? You don't look well at all; you look like you have something on your mind” “I'm fine really” Jen answered “I just don't want to worry my mum or Colin and you know what the nurse is like, one case of stomach ache and you are dying” “Ok Jenny but please let me know you are ok” Jen nodded and ran off being careful to avoid any teachers, once she was out into the town centre she realised she had no idea what to do or where to go. She started walking aimlessly being careful not to attract attention to herself. While she was walking she found herself down Phil 's road, she walked to his house and knocked on the door, she had no idea how he would take all of this. He had told he wanted a family but not right now. “Jenny what are you doing here?” It was Phil looking at her like she had sprouted another head “Shouldn't you be in school?” “I walked out” Jen mumbled looking down on the ground “Can I come in?” Phil moved aside to let her pass, should she tell him now? Or maybe it would be better to get a test first? It could all be a big misunderstanding and then she would have worried him for no reason. All her worrying was put on hold anyway because Phil suddenly grabbed her and pushed her up against the door and began to kiss her savagely. “Phil ” she gasped the moment he moved his lips away from hers. “You want to do this now?” “I always want to do this” he replied in a low voice as he began to work on her shirt buttons “And you have been so busy helping me recently I haven't been able to have you myself” Jen blushed as he pushed her skirt down to the floor he kissed along her stomach and up to her breasts, he cupped them and squeezed roughly making her flinch slightly, he must not have noticed as he repeated the acting rotating them slightly clockwise. “Oh God Jenny you are so good” He moaned as he took of her bra and kissed her nipples, biting slightly. She just smiled weakly in return, it was either that or yelp at the slight pain his biting was causing. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the lounge and pushed her onto the sofa. She was now completely naked except for her knickers, he walked over to her began to kiss up her leg, his hand squeezing as he moved closer to her pussy, he shoved his hand into her knickers and began to flick her clit roughly. He grabbed her hand used it to rub his cock, which began to throb and harden from under her trousers with each touch, when he was done playing with clit he moved away and got undressed. After he pushed her to the floor and straddled her just above her chest, then he began to shove his cock in her mouth using her hair as leverage, she had never done oral this way before but she must have done relatively ok as he carried on for quite some time before standing up. “Get on your knees  for me Jenny” He ordered roughly, when she did as he asked he grabbed her bum so he could thrust it in the air and then he slowly entered her from behind and started to pound in and out of her pussy. Whenever he fucked her this way he was always deep inside of her and she could feel the whole length of his hard cock entering her. His hand spanked and squeezed her buttocks as his thrusts became more frenzied and fast, Jen bit her lip as he pounded deep inside her again while letting out a small moan as he orgasmed inside of her. He pulled out slowly and began to get dressed. Jen stood up and put her clothes back on then looked at him expectantly. “Well this was a nice surprise” Phil smiled “but you really shouldn't be bunking off school” Jen looked down at the floor unsure of how to proceed, should she tell him about her suspicions? “Jenny what’s wrong?” he asked “something is obviously on your mind” “No I'm ok” she replied feeling very cowardly “I'm just thinking of the arrangement we have with your friends” “Oh” he seemed slightly annoyed and his mouth moved into a thin line “What about it?” “Well is it going to be over soon?” Jen walked over to Phil and went to hug him, he moved away before she could “It’s just I want us to be together now” “Jenny why are you saying this now?” he asked “you were happy before” Jen bit her lip “I wasn't happy Phil I did it because I love you but now I want us to be together properly” Phil grabbed her hand and moved her to the sofa “Jenny we will be together just give it a few more months and our life can began” “But what if we don't have a few more months?” Jen asked without thinking “What do you mean?” Phil replied pushing her away. “I think I might be pregnant” she whispered He looked at her in silence, it was the longest minute of Jen's life, finally he walked over and hugged her “It's ok, I'll help you. I'll take you to get rid of it” “But Phil what if I don't want to get rid of it?” she asked “Now we can be a proper family, just like you said” Phil laughed out loud “You are a silly girl Jenny” “What do you mean?” she whispered “Do you really think I want a family with you?” he snarled “You are nothing more than a fuck for me” “But you said you loved me?” she felt her eyes well up with tears “You said you wanted to be with me forever” “Maybe I did at some point” he replied “but then you started whoring yourself around to all my friends. You honestly think I enjoy watching you in the arms of other men? I thought it was me that you loved” Jen felt her body shake as all of her emotions battled together how had she not noticed how much all of her 'favours' were hurting him? “But I don't understand” she whimpered “you said I needed to do this, so that we could be safe when were together?” “At first yes” Phil allowed “But I had expected you to fight back a little, like any proper woman would” “But when I did -” “And then there is your step father” he interrupted “I never asked you to do that” “You said-” “I said” Phil replied cutting her off again “to keep him happy, it was you who decided to fuck him and his friends, my heart has been breaking over the last few months, then I realised you aren't worth it because deep down you are just a dirty whore” Jen shook her head “No Phil I'm not really” the tears were streaming down her cheeks “I don't enjoy it at all. I just want to be with you and have a family” “You aren't good enough to have a family” he grabbed her and pulled her up roughly “You won't ever be more than a filthy slut, I should have known all you state school girls are just slags” Phil threw her out of the house, telling her not to come back. Jen walked on shaking legs to her bus stop, her eyes so full of tears she could barely see. Could Phil be right? Was she really nothing more than a whore? She thought back to when she first slept with Colin, Phil was right he hadn't said to carry on; he had said to make him happy. Jen touched her stomach, she was going to have a baby to look after, she was going to have to make sure that her child wouldn't end up like her and she would just have to use all the tools in her box to make sure that didn’t happen. Chapter Five Chapter Five Jen is eighteen years old, her daughter Caroline has just recently turned four. Jen is at a job interview that her step father has arranged.   He looked at her intently, even after all this time, after all the favours she had had to perform Jen was never used to this. She tried to act calm and confident but she always ended up scared and worried. Mr Matthews walked up to her and sat down in the chair next to hers, smiling slyly “So Jennifer tell why you think you would be a good candidate for this job?” Jen swallowed “Well I have been helping out in my step father's business for the last two years, I also got top grades at school. I'm just looking to expand myself more.” “Well Colin certainly gave me a glowing report” Mr Matthews replied “he made me more than aware of how well you perform.” She flinched slightly as he ran a finger down her cheek “Well I always do my very best, sir.” Mr Matthews eyes flashed with passion “I'm sure you do” he stood up again and walked back to his desk “however it must be said that you do not have any proper experience, you are quite young and the rest of the team will fail to take you very seriously and I would also be remiss if I did not point out about your daughter.” Jen nodded “I understand there are some reservations” she allowed “however I promise I'll work harder than anyone else and I will be very loyal to your company.” “I can't have you running around looking for child care every few days” “No I have all that covered” Jen replied “my mum will be looking after her when she isn't at school” Mr Matthews slowly paced the room as he took of all this in “And then we come to the experience issue?” “Well I have been doing the same job for my step father for the last two years” She answered. “With help” Mr Matthews argued “and besides your step father is hardly going to fire or discipline you.” He would Jen thought warily; Colin was making any excuse to fuck her at the moment. “So you won’t be giving me the job then?” she asked as she began to stand up. “Well let’s not be so hasty” he reached out and grabbed her wrist then started to close the distance between them “I'm sure we can find something for you my dear, why don't you come over to my house tonight so we can discuss in more detail?” Jen felt herself deflate, she had been expecting this outcome but it still hurt her none the less, she could offer so much to people if they would just look beyond her vagina. “What time would you like me to come over?” “Come around after six” he answered “Colin has my address.” Jen went to leave but he still had control of her wrist, he tugged it and pulled her up against him, moving his head so he could whisper in her ear “you do look very sexy now though I must say” then he licked around her ear lobe and down her neck. Jen stood up straight as she felt his tongue move down towards the top of her chest. Colin had advised her to leave a few buttons of her shirt undone; as such a fair amount of cleavage was showing. She looked around and realised that all the curtains were closed. As he reached her buttons, he looked up and smiled wolfishly “You think I didn't see what you were doing here? You must be gagging for it, you dirty whore” he stood up and turned her around “Why should I make you wait until later?” He reached behind her and locked the door then started running his hands up her leg before turning her around again. She watched him closely as he moved he walked back to his seat behind his desk. He wasn't an old man around mid to late thirties however he was on the larger side, his hair was a dark blonde that was balding slightly but she could tell that when he was younger it had looked magnificent. She forced herself to look at his face, his eyes were a light green which sparkled with power, something she feared he had always had in his life and his mouth curved up into a smile that was sure to have come from the devil himself. In some circumstances he could look completely charming and in others like a monster. In this case it was the latter. He saw her staring and his smile became even more wicked, she didn't dare move a muscle, if this is what she needed to do to get a job then so be it, she needed to have a way to support Caroline. “Now Miss Gilmore” He finally murmured “Strip for me” Jen was so taken by surprise it took her a moment to find her voice. “Pardon?” “Did I stutter Miss Gilmore?” he snapped “I told you to strip for me, start with those silly stocking things you are wearing” With shaking fingers Jen followed all of his demands until she was stood completely naked in front of him. He was really making this as bad as he could. “Now Miss Gilmore I want you to come and sit on my lap” when she did as he instructed he grabbed her boob and began to suck and bite her nipple while roughly fondling the other with his hand. When he was done with this he shoved her to the floor violently, causing her to hurt her hip. He undid he trousers and ordered her to arch her bum up, when she complied he slowly entered her bum. He then started thrusting in and out of her. She wanted to grip onto something but she didn't have anything except the floor, so she dug her finger nails into the carpet. After a few minutes he arched her bum up more so he was deeper inside, pushing her face to the ground. After minutes of vigorous pounding he pulled out and began to lick and suck her bum hole. Jen felt tears roll down her face; it had been a few months since someone had been this rough with her. He grabbed her hips and used them as leverage to turn her around, when she groaned slightly at the pain he smiled again “Don't worry dear we aren't finished yet” He grabbed his cock and ran it down her face and across her mouth, she opened her mouth instinctively and he shoved her cock inside it, grabbing the back of her head so he could thrust it deep inside her. He held tightly onto her hair. She did her best to suck him well but she still must have done something wrong as with each thrust she found he was pulling her hair back and forth. “Oh fuck Miss Gilmore, your step father was right you are a dirty whore” Jen was too busy trying not to choke on his cock to give any sort of reply, she moved her head back to the tip in an attempt to get some air but he didn't like that and moved her back with such force that her chin hit his balls. Her spit was all over the length of his cock, he stopped her sucking and ordered her to lick him clean. She began to lick as he moved her head down to his balls; she started to suck his balls. He moaned furiously, reaching over to spank her bottom and squeeze her boobs. “Oh fuck me” He moaned as he pushed her back so she was laid on the floor he began to rub his cock as he came close to completion ordering her to play with her boobs as he did so, after a minute of this he came all over her body. “Get your clothes and go” he ordered, she got dressed silently and went to leave “See you tonight at 7” he reminded her as she was leaving. Jen rushed out of the office to the alley at the side of the building and started to cry, she touched her hip softly, the pain was quite bad now and she was going to have to do all of that again later? Well probably more than just later when he gives her the job and he would give her the job she was almost certain of it. Jen sighed and composed herself, this was just the start of many things, she still had to get Caroline into school and ask Colin for help getting a deposit down for a flat, and she needed to keep strong for her daughter.   When she got home she found Colin sat in the kitchen. She frowned slightly; Colin usually lived in his study during the day. Jen quickly walked into the lounge and lay on the sofa. She just needed a few minutes to rest and prepare for that evening. However it seemed a rest would not be happening that day as the minute she closed her eyes she heard the door crash open. She opened her eyes and saw Colin breathing down at her. “Colin I'm tired” she mumbled “You think I care?” he snapped “how did it got today?” “It was fine” Jen sighed “I need to go round his house later; you will need to give me the address” “That's fine” Colin dismissed the answer with wave of his hand. “Has mum called today?” she asked, her mum was on holiday with Caroline while Jen sorted out a job and Caroline's schooling “Yes she said Caroline is fine and they are due back on the weekend” Jen smiled warmly, she hated when Caroline was away, she missed her so much; it was like a part of her was missing. “We will have to get you a flat soon” Colin grunted Jen nodded, her mum had said she would help her out when finding a flat for her and Caroline “When mum is back I will start to look into it” “That sounds like a good idea” Jen felt Colin's hand on her leg and looked up, she groaned inwardly, she recognised the look in his eye, and he wouldn't leave without being satisfied. She grabbed onto his hand before reached her still sore hip. “Colin” she signed “Can we not right now?” His expression turned thunderous and Jen felt herself shrink back into the sofa. She made one last attempt at peace “I don't want to be too tired for later” Colin seemed to accept this; he gave a short nod of approval but still continued to leer at her. He grabbed her hand and pulled so she was sat up “I need something Jennifer” Jen nodded and moved her hands to Colin's belt, with trembling fingers she undid his belt. His hands reached up to grab onto her hair, she gasped slightly at the pain but carried on undressing him, once his cock was with her hands she started to slowly suck. Colin was perhaps bigger than all the men she had been with. As she moved her mouth further down his cock she felt him go firmer and he forced her head further down his cock, her reflexes kicked in and she move her head to an angle so she wouldn’t gag. He started to thrust in her mouth making her eyes water; she could his groans getting more frenzied as each thrust got more aggressive. Jen felt as he pulled her off his cock and forced her to his knees. As soon as she knelt down he emptied himself onto her face, his semen dripping down into her mouth. “There my dear” he leered pulling her hair so she was looking up at him “that wasn't so hard was it?” Jen shook her head and started to stand up “I should probably start to get ready” Colin finished doing his belt up and spanked her on the arse “I'll leave the address for you” with this he walked out of the room. Jen picked up a napkin from the side table and wiped Colin's sperm off her face. She looked in the mirror; she could feel her lower lip trembling. She collapsed back on the sofa and let the tears come.   The next day Jen gingerly got out of her bed and walked to the bathroom, as she looked in the mirror she felt herself wince. Mr Matthews had been rough with again the night before and she now had bruise running along her neck, a large blueish green mark running down to her chest bone. Each movement was a painful reminder of the life she had begun to lead. It had started to get her down over the last few days, she knew it was all done in the best interest of her daughter but when Caroline was away it all crept back up on her and she felt dirty and ashamed. Every so often she thought about Phil and how much she had hurt him, and the words he had said to her. He had told her that she was always going to be like this, that she was always going to turn out to be a whore. At least Jen had made sure that Caroline wasn't going to turn out the same way she would be going to the best school Jen could find, the same one she had been in for the last four years of her schooling and Jen knew that she would be able to persuade the head teacher to help her with the school fees. Jen sighed as she looked in the mirror again and walked back into her bedroom, she got dressed quickly choosing to wear a turtle neck jumper, to cover up the bruise, and her denim skirt. As she walked down stairs she saw Colin in the kitchen, again a strange occurrence as she knew he would not be fucking her that day as she had to meet a business client in the evening. “Colin good morning” she said smiling weakly as she entered the kitchen. “A very good morning my dear” he was beaming, Jen got worried Colin never beamed “I heard from Mr Matthews you got the job.” “Wonderful” she murmured. “What time does your business friend arrive today?” “Seven o'clock and I expect you here ready to impress” Jen shrugged again and nodded, she was always there on time and always impressed. Chapter Six Chapter Six Jen is twenty-two, Eight year old Caroline is excelling in school and Jen is still doing everything she can to keep her there.   Jen walked back into work slowly and sat down at her desk. Caroline’s school fees were going up and she would have to fuck Mr Burton at least twice a week to keep up with them. She cringed at the thought and sighed sadly, Mr Matthews always made her pay when she got back from her lunch late. She looked around; the sales team were looking her and laughing so she pulled a face a got back to work. It was an open secret that she was fucking Mr Matthews and Sean and Ryan did everything they could to remind her that they knew. Last time she was late they made sure to tell Mr Matthews and he made her suffer for not telling him herself. She moved back to her work and sighed. Once again the sales team hadn’t given her their weekly states. This meant that she would be late getting the report to Mr Matthews, who always delighted in punishing her. She walked over to them, Sean had gone on lunch but she could see Ran leering at her. “How can I help, darling?” he asked when she got there. Jen stopped herself from shuddering. Ryan was in his mid to late thirties and had shocking blonde hair. His eyes always held a sparkle of something that terrified her, and from what she knew he treated women badly. “Ryan” she smiled thinly “your sales figures are late.” “Oh are they?” Ryan leaned back in his chair “that’s a shame, Sean was in charge of them this week and he won’t be back for an hour.” She sighed; Sean had been in charge the previous week as well. “Please just send them to me when he gets back.” “I can only pass on the message to Sean” he smiled. “Ryan-” she started. “Miss Gilmore” a voice boomed. Jen turned around shakily and looked at Mr Matthews “Yes, sir?” “My office, now!” He ordered before walking into his office. Jen reluctantly followed. He was sat at his desk assessing her as she walked in. Once she was fully in the room, he stood up and locked the door behind her, breathing on her neck in the process, causing her to shiver. He shut the blinds then turned to her “since when do we take ninety minute lunch breaks?” “I’m sorry, Mr Matthews, my meeting over ran.” “And you are badgering our sales team again?” “They are late with their figures.” She explained. “Perhaps if you were more efficient then they would get them to you.” He murmured. Jen thought that her efficiency had nothing to do with whether they got their figures to her on time or not but she held her tongue. Mr Matthews had a sadistic twinkle in his eye and she didn’t much relish the thought of explaining another bruise to Caroline. Mr Matthews was the roughest of all the men she had never been with and she did her best not to make him angry. Many men had slapped or bitten her too hard during sex but with Matthews it was different. He thrived on rough play and had no problem hitting her even when they weren’t fucking. She had more than once gone home with a bloody lip after upsetting him. The worst thing was that there was nothing she could do about it; she needed the money and the job so she had to put up with it. Unlike her co-workers she had never been given a salary increase, yet the cost of living was rising. She hated herself for getting into this mess. If she had just showed Phil how much she loved him and resisted sleeping with his friends then she would be happily married by now. Instead her life had become a circle of turmoil. She had been actively having sex for nearly ten years and yet she didn’t find any enjoyment from the act. Maybe if she did then it would make her life more bearable but every time she was with someone she just felt cheap. She glanced up at Mr. Matthews “I am sorry I was late sir, I will stay late tonight to make up the time.” He seemed to dismiss her words with a flick of a hand. She knew that he knew she would stay late whether she offered or not. She was too afraid of him to do anything that might be classed as defiance. “Where is my report for this week?” he asked. “As I said sir, the sales team are late getting me their figures and-” Her words were stopped as his fist connected with her side. The surprise of the blow caught her off guard and she dropped to the floor, clenching her fists against the pain. “You will not talk back to me, girl” Matthews thundered, he walked over and picked her up by her hair. She grunted in surprise as he pulled her back up to her feet “you will get me the report by the end of the day, do I make myself clear?” She knew that if she didn’t have the report by the end of the day she would be in even more trouble but she nodded anyway. She needed to get out of the office and attend to her side. He let go of her hair and pushed her against the locked door. Jen stiffened as he began to kiss her neck. While the office knew that he fucked her he had never done it during work hours before, it was perhaps the only gentlemanly thing he had done for her. She tried to wiggle free but he held her firm with his portly body. Jen sighed softly and relented to his advances. It was what was expected of her, after all.                    Later that evening, Jen gingerly got into the bath. After close examination she had seen that her side was bruised badly from her the top of her bum to her belly button. She sighed sadly as she moved further into the water. She had always found water to be oddly calming and she always enjoyed her evening bath. It made her feel clean and innocent, if only for half an hour, and it let her dream that maybe she could have a better life. Mr. Matthews had been fuming when she had still been unable to give him the sales report at the end of the day but what else could she do? She begged and pleaded with Sean and Ryan every Friday for it to be given to her on time and each Monday she had nothing. Matthews had suggested that she be nicer to them, she knew what he meant but had no intention of stooping so low. She had to sleep with Matthews for the sake of her job, but she didn’t to fuck around with everyone. Her ears picked up sounds of Caroline getting out of bed to use the toilet. Jen poked her head around the shower curtain just as she walked into the bathroom. Jen could not forget who she was doing this for. It was all so Caroline could get a better start in life, the start that Jen had been denied. Phil had said that she had been destined to live the life of a whore. Something that she had decided, however subconsciously, when she had let Mr. Turner fuck her on Phil ’s sofa, all those years ago. She had thought at the time that she had been doing the right thing but over the years, she realised the truth. She had given herself to numerous men, more than she liked to count, and she now knew that Phil was correct. Her start in life had led her to be predisposed to the life of a slut. That was what everyone called her when they fucked her and that was what she was. At one time she had had dreams of weddings and children, more children, growing up in a household full of love and care. She knew that these dreams were about as worthless and she was. She had ruined any chance of true love when she had let someone, other than Phil , fuck her. She blinked herself back into the present and waved at her daughter, all of Caroline’s school reports mark her to be the best in her class in most subjects and her eyes always held a sparkle of intelligence. “Mum, I need more books.” Caroline declared. Jen shook her head affectionately “more books? We just bought a load last week.” “But I read them all, please can we get more over the weekend mum” she asked “please.” Jen nodded “Maybe, now go to bed and we will talk in the morning.” Caroline’s face erupted into a smile “‘maybe’ always means ‘yes’ whoopee more books.” Jen laughed as Caroline ran out of the room but inside her stomach was tying itself into knots. She would have to ask Colin for money, not something she liked doing but her a lot of her wages had been spent on new uniform. She would be seeing him that Thursday anyway, as her mother took Caroline for dinner and she stayed with him. They would either fuck on these occasions or she would ‘entertain’ his busy clients. She slid down into the bath until the water rested against her chin, how easy would it be for her to put her head under? Easy enough, but she had a daughter to think about, and she would not let herself take the easy way out. She had never seriously considered suicide but it did pop into her mind when she was feeling particularly low. She knew that she would never go through with it though; she had to be strong for her daughter. Caroline was the only thing that kept her going in life. She had fPhil in love with her the moment she had been placed in Jen’s arms. She had stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. Her mum and Colin had tried to take her but Jen had held firm, possibly the only time she had defied Colin, not wanting to miss out on a second. Later, when they had been left alone, Jen had made a promise to her sleeping daughter. She had promised that whatever happened she would never let Caroline make the same mistakes she had. Jen would make sure that she was loved and cherished. Caroline would grow up knowing that people would notice if she didn’t come home from school on time. Jen would notice if anything happened to her and would protect her from the evils in the world. Jen often thought about Phil and what he was doing. She didn’t even know if he still lived in the area, as she daren’t go near his house, but she hoped that he was all right. She hated how she had hurt him. She hated how she hadn’t been able to deny her ultimate fate. Jen went over the course of events that was their relationship at least once every few days, still trying to work out what had happened. Whatever reasons she had given herself at the time for fucking around while she was with Phil no longer made sense. All she saw was the dirty whore that he had seen at the end of their relationship. She got out of the bath and once again examined her hip, it looked worse than it had before getting in. She walked into her bedroom and got into bed, letting out an involuntary sob as she did so. Chapter Seven Chapter Seven Jen is twenty seven years old and is about to meet someone who will change her life forever, again.   She was running too fast, she knew she was, but Caroline had been late which meant that she was late. She was due to give someone an office tour and Mr Matthews would have her guts for garters if she was late for it. Jen got to the office with five minutes to spare, she took a long breath in the hope it would ease the stitch in her side. She would have to explain how mornings work to Caroline again. A quick glance around her office told her that the sales team hadn’t yet arrived but she could see Mr Matthews in his office. He caught her eye and smiled leeringly. Since she had started working form him, nine longs years ago, he had become more and more abusive with his power. He hit her and mentally tortured her just because he could. He knew that while she worked for him he could treat her how he wanted and she knew that he could stop her from getting a job elsewhere. She stood and walked to Mr Matthews’s office; she knocked on the door and waited for permission to enter. Once inside she tried her best to stay in the door frame so he couldn’t delay her exit. “Well Miss Gilmore” he sneered “you will be on your best behaviour today?” She nodded “I am looking forward to meeting the new team member.” “You will hardly work with him” Matthews dismissed “he will be working with the sale team.” Jen smiled, that was what she wanted. She hoped that this man would be an ally to her against Sean and Ryan. She saw Matthew’s glaring and quickly switched off her smile. Matthews stood up and walked towards her “I want you stay late tonight.” She inwardly groaned, she knew what that meant, and she had no one to watch Caroline. She would have to call her mother. “I will have to get someone to watch Caroline.” She murmured “I will see what I can do.” Matthews kissed her “Make the call.”   “Hi, excuse me?” Jen looked up from her reports and found herself face to face with the most handsome man she had ever seen. His hair was a warm chestnut and he had ice blue eyes that sparkled with warmth. His face, which was perhaps averagely attractive, became beautiful by the soft kindness of his features. “Hello” she smiled “how can I help?” “I’m William Godfrey” he answered. She blinked, Godfrey? Oh, of course, the new man, Jen stood up and held out her hand “Lovely to meet you, I’m Jennifer Gilmore, Mr Matthew’s assistant.” “Lovely to meet you” he murmured and to Jen’s surprise he sounded genuine. She coughed in an attempt to ease her beating heart and motioned around the room “well this is the office” she pointed to a group of people in the left hand corner “that’s Daniel, Chantelle and Zoe, they’re the marketing team, they work under Mark, who is on holiday.” She walked him over to Sean and Ryan “this is the rest of the sales team, you work under Mr Matthews and report your figures me to me.” She turned to the boys “which reminds me; you are late with the report again this week.” “Opps” Sean muttered “was meant to do that for you, weren’t we Ryan?” Ryan nodded “yeah that’s right.” Jen breathed in slowly to avoid letting her anger show, she had to keep her head in front of the new man. She looked at him and found that he was regarding her with interest. She found his gaze uncomfortable and looked away. “If you can get it to me by the end of the day” she murmured before turning back to William “well that’s everyone. As I said I’m Jennifer Gilmore and I work under-” “Just about everyone” Ryan interrupted before laughing with Sean at his joke. Jen felt a strange anger fuel inside her and before she knew what she was doing, she snapped “well I have never worked under you.” She bit her lip as she realised what she had done. Ryan stood up and walked to her, bringing his body as close to hers as he could. He leaned down and kissed her cheek “if you want that report you had better be nice to me” he whispered. Jen coughed discreetly and pulled herself away from Ryan. She turned to William and nodded politely before walking back to her desk.   Will watched Miss Gilmore walk back to her desk and then turned to his new colleagues. The way they had treated her had been abominable. She was a beautiful, young woman and they had acted like she was just a piece of meat. “What is the report she needs?” he demanded. Ryan and Sean raised their eyebrows “the weekly sales figures” Sean replied “she will need them for just after lunch time to send the regional report by close of business and Mr Matthews will want the office report.” “So you haven’t done it?” Will asked. “We’ve done it” Ryan answered “we just haven’t sent it to her. That way Mr Matthews will have to tell her off.” “I beg your pardon?” Will asked, sure he had misheard, why would they want her in trouble. “Ah I see” Ryan nodded “you don’t know about her, she isn’t someone you need to worry about, she’s just a whore. Mr. Matthews will shag her and that will make them both happy. We do it for her really.” Will blinked and looked back at the Miss Gilmore, he had thought he had seen sadness in her eyes but he hadn’t been able to make out why. Now he knew a little more and things started to become clear. He watched as she was beckoned into the office of Mr. Matthews and noticed the fear that crossed her face. That was when he decided that he needed to be her friend.   Jen winced as she left the office and sat down at her desk. She looked down at her knuckles, which were blooded and bruised after Matthews had trapped them in a draw. She knew that she needed to wrap a bandage around them but she knew that Matthews was watching her so she put on a brave face. Why did he have to hurt her so? He was brutal enough when they had sex let alone when they didn’t. He had been furious with her when she had told him that she couldn’t stay at work any later than normal and had decided to fuck her there. Once they were finished he had taken her hand and slammed in it in the drawer, he had said that she would think twice before defying him in future. “Miss Gilmore?” She looked up, William smiled down at her “hello, Mr. Godfrey, how can I help?” “I wondered if you could show me somewhere to get lunch” he replied “you see I’m new to area.” She glanced at the time, half past twelve, she would have to leave to see Caroline’s head teacher soon. She looked back to William “there is a nice café just down the road; they do the most amazing sandwiches. If you can wait ten minutes then I’ll show you.” William nodded and waited while she got herself ready for lunch. She hoped that she would be able to grab something to eat after seeing Mr. Burton. She usually had fifteen minutes to spare, which gave her ample time to get something, but recently he had started to delay her, meaning she usually had to skip lunch. They left the office and walked up the street. Jen felt her hands get sweaty and she realised that her heart was beating faster than usual. Something inside of her had awakened and she didn’t know how to act. William had spent time with Ryan and Sean so he was sure to know what she was like but she for some reason care. They arrived at the café “this is the place” she smiled “try the ham and cheese, it’s amazing.” He put his hand on her arm “won’t you stay and get something with me?” “I wish I could Mr. Godfrey but I have a thing.” “Call me Will” he murmured. She blinked, his voice was laced with kindness and she felt something inside of her wobble. It had been a long time since someone, other than Caroline, had been kind to her. Maybe he was different to the other men she had met. “Thank you Will, you can call me Jen.” She smiled “we will eat at another time I am sure but I have a meeting at my daughter’s school.” His shock was visible straight away “I didn’t realise you were a mum, how old is she?” “Thirteen” Jen replied. “I see.” He murmured but his face told her that he didn’t see. His eyes had glassed over and his mouth was twisted and she knew that he pitied her. The silence that descended over them was awkward and ugly, and all Jen could do was stare at the pity in his eyes. She moved her head away, in fear that he would read more in her than she wanted him to, and took a step back. “Well I had better be going to my appointment.” “Jen” he started. “No, it’s fine” she murmured, surprised by the catch in her voice. “I need to go.” Before he could reply she had rushed off in the direction of Caroline’s school.   An hour later, Jen walked unsteadily back into the office. Burton had been rough with her and she had hurt her ankle in the process. As she got to her desk she saw that a takeaway bag had been placed on top of it. She blinked and looked at the note that had been taped on the bag.   Jen, Sorry about before you just took me by surprise, I hope we can still be friends? Will x p.s. enjoy the Sandwich.   She looked inside the bag and saw one of the ham and cheese sandwiches from the café. She smiled to herself, as predicted she had not been able to grab food on her way back. She looked over towards the sales team and saw him working at his desk; he looked up, smiled and mouthed “check your email.” She quickly did as he asked and saw a message from him containing the weekly sales report. It was the first time in nine years that it had actually been sent to her on time. She clicked to reply to the email and wrote:   To Will, Thank you so much, for the report and the lunch. Talk soon, Jen Chapter Eight Chapter Eight Jen has just turned twenty eight, Caroline continues to excel in school and Jen’s friendship with Will continues to blossom.   Jen smiled as she walked into the office. Since Will had started, six months prior, she no longer felt so nervous when going to work. He had become her friend and she knew that while he was there she would be all right. Mr. Matthews continued to be abusive to her but with Will to talk to it didn’t seem as bad. She arrived earlier than usual so she had time to go over her holiday entitlement. Caroline was desperate to go on holiday over the Easter break but Jen knew that it wouldn’t be likely. Each year she got whatever days were left after everyone else had taken their holiday. She always gave her dates first but Mr. Matthew’s would pretend to lose them then blame her for the mistake. Jen’s mum usually took Caroline away but now she was older, Caroline wanted Jen. Jen wouldn’t have minded a holiday herself, as she hadn’t been on one in over a decade, but she knew she had to do what she could to hold on to her job. Out of curiosity, she began to look at holiday parks close by and the cost of them over the Easter break. As expected they were high in price but her savings were more than enough to cover it. “Morning Jen.” She looked up at the familiar voice and smiled “good morning Will, how are you doing?” “I’m fine thank you” he pointed to her computer screen “planning a holiday?” She winced sheepishly “afraid not, I wouldn’t be able to get the time off even if I wanted to.” “How come?” he asked “no one else has holiday for that week.” “They don’t?” she asked “Mr. Matthews told me that they did.” “Didn’t you double check the holiday calendar?” “I don’t have access to it” she admitted “Mr. Matthews hasn’t given me the right permission for it or something like that.” Will frowned, it hadn’t taken him long to see that Mr. Matthews was a sadistic boss who liked to abuse his power. Will had noticed that Matthews held some sort of power over Jen and he used it frequently. The whole office knew that she was sleeping with Matthews but Will wasn’t sure how much she enjoyed it. Each time she left his office she always rushed straight off to the loo and Will had seen bruises on her more than once. It wouldn’t have surprised him in the least if Matthews was holding back holiday information so she missed out. “Let me log in” he murmured. Although his order had been a gentle one, Will noticed that Jen jumped out of her seat extraordinarily quickly. Almost like she was afraid of what would happen if she didn’t obey fast enough He quickly pulled up the joint holiday calendar that was shared by everyone in the office, except Jen, and glanced at her week of interest. As suspected the whole of the Easter break was free. “You could take it if you wanted” he confirmed. She shook her head “Matthews would never agree to let me have it.” Will thought for a moment “after lunch we will ask him together.”   As arrange the two of them knocked on Matthew’s office door after lunch. Jen felt her stomach twist and she was sure that she would be sick at any moment. She tried to turn around but Will held firm, she looked at the determination on his face and found the courage she needed. “Come in” came Matthews’ sharp order. Slowly Jen opened the door and entered the office, Will following close behind, Matthews hadn’t looked up from his papers show she let out a small cough. He gave her the smallest of glances “Yes, Miss Gilmore, what do you want?” “Well sir” she began “I was wondering if I could request some holiday for Easter?” “A bit late, aren’t you?” he asked. “Well sir, I did give you my requests but I never heard anything back from you and-” His fist hit the desk cutting her off. She let out an involuntary yelp and took a step back. She had had enough dealings with Matthews to know what would happen next. “Are you or are you not late with your holiday request Miss Gilmore?” he roared. She started to nod but then she heard Will’s voice ring out. “As she was trying to explain to your Mr. Matthews, she did make the request and didn’t hear back, I can see that the week she wants is clear on the holiday calendar, can we assume that is because Miss Gilmore’s request was authorised?” Jen’s eyes widened, no one spoke to Mr. Matthews that way. She watched as Matthews rose from his seat “what brings you here Godfrey?” “I offered to accompany Jen as I understand there has been some dispute in the past about what holiday she had asked for.” Matthews raised his eyebrows “is that so?” Will nodded. “Yes, I thought it would be wise for her to have a witness, just in case there is ever a need for clarification in the future. So is she able to take time of over the Easter break or not? As I said the whole two weeks is open on our calendar.” Matthews sat speechless for a moment and then nodded “take whatever time off over Easter that you want Miss Gilmore.” Jen blinked, it had worked. Will had helped her get the holiday that she wanted. She had worked for Matthews for nearly ten years and that had never happened before. “Thank you very much sir.” They turned to leave but Matthews called her back, she should have known that it wouldn’t have been so easy. Of course he would need to have revenge for Will’s power trip. Will looked at her questioningly but she told him to leave. She knew what would happen and if he stuck around then Matthews would punish him as well. “Sir?” she asked once they were alone. “He is a nice boy isn’t he?” Matthews murmured. “Indeed sir” she replied curious about the choice of topic “I like him very much.” Matthews stood and pushed her against the closed office door “don’t start getting any funny ideas my girl. He will never be interested in a dirty slut like you. I’m not sure what you have done to make him like you so much but once he sees the real you then he won’t be interested.” Jen flinched at the harshness of his words. He was right, Will was better than her. Will was kind and caring and Jen knew that she didn’t deserve it. She looked at Matthews hopefully, silently pleading with him to not get more violent with her. As expected her silent pleads were unanswered and he tossed her to the floor with a brutal laugh. Jen looked at the corner of the ceiling and pretended that something else was happening.   Fifteen minutes later, Will watched as Jen rushed out of Matthews’ office and straight to the toilets. He stood and followed her. She was crying in the communal washing area and he noticed bruising around her eyes. “I should have known” she sobbed. “Should have known what?” he asked. “That it wasn’t going to be easy, good things don’t happen to people like me.” “What do you mean ‘people like you’?” She sniffed “I’m dirty and awful and I don’t deserve good things. I know how you all look at me. I know what I said behind my back. I never used to be this way, or maybe I did. I don’t know.” “You aren’t dirty” Will murmured, “you are beautiful.” She shook her head “I was always supposed to turn out this way, that’s what Phil said.” “Who’s Phil?” She was also so careful not to divulge any information about her past. Will was desperate to know what had made her turn to her current way in life. Was Phil the father of her daughter? Did he hold the answers? “He’s no one” Jen replied “just someone I hurt a long time ago. He told me that I would end up this way and he was right. I am good for nothing else but Caroline, she will be better than me, I’m making sure of it.” He waited for her to compose herself in the hope that he might learn more but alas, once she was ready she started to walk back to the office. He couldn’t let it end that way. He knew that she was worth more than she thought “Jen.” She turned around “Yes?” “Would you like to go for dinner tonight?” She began to shake her head, for she knew that she shouldn’t get too close to him, but something stopped her. She knew that they couldn’t have a future together as lovers but there was no reason that they couldn’t be friends. She would have to make sure that he didn’t get any false expectations from her. The last thing she wanted was for someone else to get hurt by her. “I will have to ask my mother to look after Caroline.” Will smiled “only if it’s not an inconvenience?” Jen sighed to herself, every time she asked her mother to watch Caroline it was an inconvenience. Her mum was still having problems with her sleeping pills but always stayed clean when she watching Caroline. That didn’t stop her from moaning to Jen about it though. Jen would have to make sure that her mum didn’t have any other plans for that night. Colin would be in the house but Caroline knew that she wasn’t allowed to be alone with him. Jen had made that rule a long time ago. She turned to Will and smiled “I will see what I can do and let you know.” Chapter Nine   Please note Gareths name has changed from Allen to Phil   Chapter Nine Two months later, Jen and Will have been going on friend dates nearly every week but she is reluctant to let it get too far.   Jen sighed happily as she cleaned her kitchen work top. Things had been improving at work and her friendship with Will was blossoming well. He had even started chaperoning her, whenever possible, during her visits to see Mr. Matthews. “What are you smiling about?” Jen looked up as Caroline entered the room and sat down on one of the stools by the counter. Caroline had just turned fourteen and was looking more beautiful every day. The older she became the more thankful Jen was that she had given her daughter the best start in life. Jen might not be completely happy but at least Caroline would be all right. That was all Jen could ask for. “I’m not smiling about anything” Jen finally replied. “Yes you are, mum” Caroline argued “are you thinking about your friend Will?” Caroline had seen Will walk Jen home at the end of the last week and had been incessant with questions about him. Jen had tried to be as honest as possible but some of the questions had been hard to answer. “It’s not about Will” Jen lied. “Mum, I don’t mind if you want a boyfriend” Caroline smiled “I think it would be nice.” “Will is not my boyfriend” Jen replied. “I know” Caroline shook her head “but he could be, if you wanted him to be, do you want him to be?” Jen stopped cleaning for a moment; did she want to be with him? She knew the answer, yes she did but she also knew she couldn’t be with him. She had been tainted by her relationship with Phil and she knew that she wasn’t good enough for anyone else. The only thing she was good at was fucking and she doubted that he would be happy with just that. She hadn’t been able to ignore the glints in his eyes and the meaning behind his words. Jen knew that he wanted to be with her but she couldn’t let herself fall for him. She needed to be strong and resist. He was a good man and the last thing he needed was to be paired with a slut like her. She had hurt Phil and if she wasn’t careful then she would hurt Will as well. She would have to try and cut their friendship down to bare the minimum. It was the only way to avoid him pain.   The next day at work Jen did all she could to avoid Will but as lunch time came around he managed to find her. “Want to eat something?” He asked as he walked up to her desk. Jen quickly looked towards Mr. Matthews’ office. He had been noticing her friendship with Will and had expressed upset with it. If she upset him then she would find herself out of a job and then what would she do? She shook her head “I need to work through some stuff, I’m sorry.” He nodded sadly “does Matthews need to speak with you?” She leaned back “don’t speak so loud.” Will blinked, why was she being shy? Everyone knew that she and Mr. Matthews were fucking. What was wrong with her? “I’m sorry” he murmured. Jen looked down, she knew that she shouldn’t be so embarrassed by his words. Everyone knew what happened when she was called into Matthews’ office but there was something about him saying it that made her feel dirty. She knew she was a slut but she somehow she didn’t like Will knowing it. He was all that was good and kind and she couldn’t risk hurting him like she hurt Phil. “I need to get back to work” she murmured, inwardly wincing as he lurched back at her sharp tone. She had to hurt him. For his sake she had to distance herself. Will blinked, what had happened? Before the weekend they had been fine and now she was behaving like they had never spoken. Had he done something to displease her? “Can I help you with it?” he asked. She shook her head “I had better not get any help, Matthews wouldn’t like it.” Will looked towards Matthews’ office and scowled. The man always seemed to bully Jen whatever chance he got and Will was fed up. He wanted to start looking for another job but he was loath to leave her on her own with Matthews. “Let me take you out tonight” he murmured. She blinked “tonight?” “Or if you don’t have childcare I will cook for you at home. I just want to talk.” Against her extreme better judgment, Jen felt herself nod “that would be lovely, we can go back straight after work.”   Later that evening Jen and Will arrived back at her house at around six. They decided to have a takeaway instead of cooking, something which delighted Caroline, and they both sat on the sofa as they decided what they wanted. “Mum, can we please get pizza?” Caroline begged “you know it’s my favourite.” Jen smiled at Will “do you like pizza?” “It’s actually my favourite too” he replied. “Yes!” Caroline cheered “pizza! I’ll be in my room, let me know when it’s here.” Jen laughed as she watched Caroline rush out of the room “well that’s been decided then.” “You have a great relationship with her” Will murmured, “you must be happy.” Jen nodded “well it’s always been just me and her so we are close.” “What about the father?” Will asked before he could think the better of it. He knew it was a personal question but he couldn’t help himself, he wanted to know everything about Jen. Jen stood and picked up the phone “we broke up before Caroline was born, he hasn’t met her.” Will waited while Jen ordered the pizza. Why had they broken up? Had it been because of the pregnancy? He needed to know. “Why did you break up?” He asked once she was finished on the phone. Jen winced “can we talk about something else?” Will nodded “forgive me, please; I just wanted to know more about your life.” “Why?” she asked. “Because we are friends” he replied. Jen sighed; maybe she should tell him what happened. It might deter him for getting too close to her if he knew the truth about her, if he saw how much she had hurt Phil. She closed the door and sat back down on the sofa “I was thirteen and I met someone, Phil, he was lovely and kind and sweet and he loved me.” Will’s alerts lit up at her words, he could see what was coming. It was odd and strange but he knew that once she was finished he would see a new side to her, a side that he would love. “He took me out every day” she continued “well I mean after a time we became intimate and we stopped going out but we still saw each other. One day he said he needed me to please one of his friends. I thought it would just be a blow job but his friend fucked me.” Jen looked at Will’s face but she wasn’t able to read his expression, maybe he would see her for what she was and leave her alone. It was what she wanted but it still made her feel hollow inside. After everything she still craved love, she needed it, she was only human, but she couldn’t have it. She had been given a chance at love and she had ruined it. “I’m not sure how it happened now but when I told Phil he said that it was good. Soon Colin, my stepfather, knew and he said I had to fuck him to keep him silent. Phil knew about it but didn’t say anything. When I got pregnant I told Phil but he didn’t want it, he said I had hurt him by fucking around with all different people. He said that it was because I was from a state school.” Will nodded, suddenly her desire to put Caroline in a good school became clear. She blamed herself for what had happened and yet he could see that she had been exploited. How could he convince her that she wasn’t dirty? “I know you are shocked” Jen murmured “if you want to go then I understand.” Will took of her hand “I will stay if you don’t mind?” Jen shook her head “no, that’s fine.” Why did he want to stay? Hadn’t he heard what she had said? She was dirty and nothing, who would want to know someone like her?   “You have a past” Will murmured, unconsciously answering her question “who doesn’t?” Jen nodded, she knew he was right but it didn’t little to make her feel better. She would always be tainted by her past; it would always hang over her like a black cloud. She didn’t know how to stop it.   Later that night, after Caroline had gone to bed, Will stood up and walked over to the kitchen to put the plates into the sink. Jen had dozed off on the sofa but she opened her eyes at clanking sound. “Will?” “Just cleaning up” he murmured, smiling at the slut in her voice. They had found two bottles of wine and had drunk them both. “You should stay here” she murmured “it’s late.” Will blinked “Jen, I’m not sure that me and you sleeping together is a good idea.” She winced, of course that would be his first thought. She touched her forehead, it was woozy and light. She didn’t usually drink much so she wasn’t used to such a high level of alcohol. “I meant on the sofa” she replied. Will nodded; of course that was what she had meant. How foolish was he? They were friends. Maybe he wanted more but she obviously had things to work through before that could happen. “Thank you” he murmured. She stood up unsteadily and waved at sink “I will do them tomorrow, don’t worry about them.” “All right” he smiled, he walked to her and kissed on her the cheek. She turned her head and kiss him again but on the lips “you are lovely.” He pulled her to him and kissed her deeper, his tongue entered her mouth and he did all he could to make it good for her. He teased her tongue with his and smiled as he heard her moan. Her hand moved to his head and she stroked his hair softly. He hardened immediately and pushed her against the closed door. She moaned softly and pulled him closer to her. Jen blinked at her actions, she didn’t know what she was doing but he made her feel good and she wanted the good to continue. “Wait” he order as he gentle pulled down her trousers and panties. “Will?” she asked. “It’s all right” he replied. He guided her back to the sofa and opened her legs out. Once she was exposed he moved his mouth to her vagina and started licking. With each lick she felt something inside of her grow, she had never enjoyed sex before but with Will it was different. With Will everything seemed to be different. Where everyone else had been fast and rough, Will was slow and soft. Each time he made a movement it was like a small electric shock went up her legs to her belly and she knew it was growing into something fantastic. She moaned and begged for more, she needed to know what was at the end, she needed to feel what it was like to orgasm. She needed him to show her what it was like to be loved. After ten minutes of him licking and teasing her, the feeling in her stomach became overwhelming. Just as she thought she wouldn’t be able to take anymore of torture her whole world exploded. She found herself transported to the ceiling as she floated back down to her body. Will grinned as he watched Jen regain her posture. He had never been too good at oral so he was glad that he had been able to make her orgasm. He took her hand and helped her to her bedroom. “Will, you are amazing” she whispered “’you must really love me.” He blinked at her words as he picked up her trousers and panties and replied truthfully “yes I do love you Jen.” She nodded as he put her into bed as she sleepily turned to her side he heard her murmured “I do know you know.” “What do you know?” he asked. “I know that I’m not to blame” she yawned “I know that all the stuff that happened, wasn’t my fault.” Will nodded and closed the door quietly. He walked back and into the lounge and wondered if she even realised what she had just revealed. Chapter Ten   Chapter Ten The next morning and Jen is about to wake up to reality.   He had his hands in her hair and was pulling softly. Jen moaned to herself and moved closer to his body. He was firm, just as she had remembered, and he was strong. He pulled her closer and pulled harder on her hair, Jen stopped moaning and winced with pain. She looked up with confused eyes and saw him smile dangerously. Her heart sank as she realised she had misunderstood what he wanted. She should have known better than to expect love. He pushed her down onto the bed and immediately covered her body with his. She didn’t try to move away as she knew better than that. She knew what she had to do. He kissed her neck and moved his hands along her legs until he reached her pussy. She winces as his fingers prodded and probed at her clitoris. He had always been rough with her. Slowly he moved his cock to her entrance and started to thrust inside her. Each movement he made caused her more pain and all she wanted was for it to stop. “What are you doing?” he grunted. She blinked as she realised that she had been pushing at his chest. “Stop” he moaned as he hit her face. She shook her head, she didn’t want it. She wanted him to stop. She pushed at him again with more force and he moved off her. She sighed with relief until he grabbed her hair and moved her mouth to his cock. Before she could do anything, his cock was deep in her mouth. He was so deep that she began to gag from it. She narrowed her eyes; she didn’t want to comply to him anymore. She pushed him away and moved to the other side of the room. “What are you doing?” He gasped. She shook her head “I don’t want this.” “I don’t care what you want” he growled. He started to walk towards her and- Jen woke up with a start and blinked. It wasn’t the first time she had had a dream like that but it was the first time she had refused the person in it. What did that mean? She was used to complying with what men wanted, in her dreams and in life, it was all she knew. Phil had made it clear that she wouldn’t amount to anything more than being a slut. She had spent her whole adult life living up to that, why should her subconscious changed things now? She blinked as fuzzy memories of the night before played in her mind and groaned. She had let Will give her oral sex, what had she been thinking? She was supposed to be keeping her distance. Jen couldn’t stop a small smile from spreading as she remembered what he had made her feel. She had had her first orgasm and it had been fantastic. She wanted more but she wasn’t sure how she could. She glanced at the clock and got out of bed. She needed to sort out Caroline’s breakfast and she would have to make something for Will as well. She quietly walked into the kitchen and picked up the empty wine bottle from the sink. She winced, no wonder she had let her guard down, how much had she drank the night before? More memories filtered thought and she sat down in shock as she remembered what Will had told her the night before. Will loved her? She shook her head, she must have misunderstood him. She heard him stir from the sofa and sit up, he grinned at her boyishly “morning Jen.” She smiled “Morning, how you feeling?” “Dreadful” he replied “I’m not much of a wine drinker, I might pull a sicky off work.” “You can’t do that” Jen murmured. “Of course I can” Will replied as stood up “and you can too if you want.” Jen did want to but she couldn’t upset Matthews, what would happen if he found out that she had spent the day with Will? He would make sure she was punished and he was already violent enough. She shook her head “I can’t, he would know right away. I have never had a sick day.” “Never?” Will asked. “I always just go in when I’m sick” Jen admitted, only just realising how foolish she sounded. Why had she never taken a sick day? She had never been truly sick at work, except that time she had had food poisoning. She had spent more time in the loo than she had at her desk but she has still shown up. Matthew’s would have had her guts for garters if she hadn’t. Jen frowned, what had happened to her? At one time she had been brave and strong. She had stood up for herself and she hadn’t been scared to take risks, when had that changed? It wasn’t the first time she had thought about who she used to be. She usually put pin pointed the moment of change to the moment she found out she was pregnant but she knew it was earlier than that. The moment she had become weak had been the moment she had let Mr. Turner fuck her on Phil’s sofa. She knew she should have pushed him away, she knew she should have fought back, but she hadn’t and that moment had forever defined and altered who she was. She looked at Will, as he looked at her with compassion, and she realised she still had some courage in her. Without really thinking she nodded “all right then, let’s do it.”   “So your mother remarried?” Jen nodded as she chewed on her lunch. They had decided to reheat the remains of the previous night’s pizza. “That’s right, she married Colin about sixteen years again.” Will nodded, he wasn’t sure how he had managed to persuade Jen to take the day off. One minute she had been against it and the next she had been almost insisted. He wasn’t even sure why he had asked in the first place. There was no logical reason for it except he wanted more of her company. The previous night had he told her that he loved her and he realised he had been telling the truth. He wasn’t sure when it had happened or who but he loved her. He needed to know all there was about her and he wanted to make her realise just how much she was worth. He wanted to help her realise that she had been exploited as a teenager. Despite her words the previous night, Will doubted that she truly accepted the truth. She seemed to have twisted it in her head so that she was the one to blame. “Why do you ask?” Jen murmured. Will shrugged “just interested in your life.” Jen wiggled in her seat “you know all the important things. You know my past.” She looked down as she spoke and gentle moved her face so she was looking at him “do you think I won’t love you because of your past?” Jen’s eyes widened, she had put his words to the back of her mind, assuming them to be nothing more than drunken ramblings, but now he was saying them again. Why was he saying these things? Surely he couldn’t mean them. Slowly she put her pizza on the plate and tried to sound amused as she replied “don’t say that.” He took hold of her hand “I mean it Jen, I love you.” She shook her head and stood up “you can’t love me, you weren’t supposed to love me!” Will stood up, shocked by her reaction and confused by her choice of words “what do you mean; I wasn’t supposed to love you?” She shook her head “I needed for you to not love me, I don’t want to hurt you like I hurt Phil.” Will sighed, it seemed everything came back around to Phil. How could he make her see that she wasn’t to blame? How could he make her see that she was worthy of his love? He walked to her and kissed her softly on the lips, he felt her melt into his arms and he scooped her up and moved to the sofa. They fell onto the sofa together amidst giggles and kisses and caressed her legs softly with his fingers tips. He moved his mouth to her ear “you are beautiful and I will always love you and protect you.” Jen closed her eyes to try and escape the reality that was in front of her. She couldn’t be with Will, she knew she couldn’t, but she couldn’t stop herself. She loved him too. She hadn’t supposed to and yet she did. What was the point in pushing him away if he already loved her? She ran her hand up his back and watched as flickers of pleasure crossed his face. She took his face in her hands and kissed him softly “I love you too.” He smiled “thank goodness for that.” She nodded, something had awakened inside of her and she knew that she had to do right by Will. She had let Phil down but she wasn’t about to repeat her mistakes. Jen wasn’t sure how or when she had fallen in love with Will but it was there. She had assumed that she wouldn’t be able to love anyone else but she had been wrong. Will was all that she wanted and his love had given her the strength she needed. She knew which way to go forward and she wasn’t going to look back. She would always be slut deep down but she would have to stomp down on those feelings. She wouldn’t break Will’s heart. She sat up “I need to go” Will frowned, “right now?” She nodded “standing appointment with Caroline’s school, will you wait here for me?” “I understand” he replied “of course I will wait.” Jen heard the slight twinge in his voice and she squeezed his hand affectionately. She didn’t want to hear that twinge ever again; she needed to make things right between them.   Jen arrived at the school a little earlier than usual. She placed a hand over her beating heart and tried to calm her nerves. Mr Burton, Caroline’s head master, would not be happy when he heard what she had to say. She walked into the reception and asked for Burton. The snotty receptionist looked her down and told her to sit while they called him. Nothing was out of the ordinary and yet it was like she was seeing it for the first time. There was no reason for the change of attitude and yet it was there. The doors swung open and Burton strode into the waiting area “ah Miss Gilmore” he grinned “come with me.” She followed him to his office and winced as he locked the door behind them. Before she had time to breath she was pressed between his body and the door frame as he kissed her hard. With an inward sigh she almost relented to his advances. She was so used to do what people wanted and complying to sexual demands that for a moment she almost let herself slip, then she remembered Will. He loved her and she needed to stay faithful to him, no matter how scary it was. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him as hard as she could. He moved away and looked at her savagely “what are you doing?” She shook her head “I am cutting this off now, I can’t do it anymore. I have met someone.” “Miss Gilmore,” he hissed “don’t forget why this started to begin with.” She winced, she could read the expression on his face and she knew that his ego had been bruised. She had been fucking Burton since the age of fourteen, ever since she had transferred schools and had needed to earn her fees. As school was for ages five – eighteen, she had needed to continue fucking him for Caroline’s schooling as well. At one point she had asked Colin for help but he had refused, despite having more than enough funds. Burton had once been an attractive man and Jen had spent many a lunch time listening to her peers swoon over him. If only they had known the reality of what they had been wishing for. “You need to fuck me to keep your daughter in school” Burton grunted. Jen wasn’t sure what happened but suddenly she felt power fill her body and she realised that she could play him like he was playing her. At that moment she realised that she had the strength to make Colin, Burton and Matthews powerless against her. How had she not realised before? She walked to Burton’s desk and picked up a picture of his family “she looks nice” Jen commented pointed to his wife. Burton blinked “she is nice.” “Young” Jen commenting putting picture down, she already knew that Burton’s wife was almost half his age. “you must love each other very much to be able to face to stigma of your relationship.” “What are you talking about?” Burton burst out. “Unless she really did marry you for your money” Jen continued “I would be careful to keep hold of her when it all goes.” Burton walked to her, pulled her off the desk and grabbed hold of her chin, “explain yourself.” Jen shrugged him away “how would it look when I inform the school board that we have been fucking for the last fourteen years and for two of those years I was an underage school girl.” His face drained of colour “you have no proof.” Jen smiled, each word filled her with more power and she began to feel reborn. Maybe she wasn’t as bad a person as she had thought; maybe she had change since her time with Phil. Maybe if she managed to make it all right so she could be faithful to Will then she would be able to move on from her life and no longer be a dirty slut. “Maybe I don’t” Jen finally replied “but after I tell them and the newspapers people will start to piece things together and even if they decide I am wrong, which I’m not, your reputation will be gone, along with your wife I imagine.” “You bitch” Burton spat, but Jen could see that he knew he was defeated, he sat down at his desk “what do you want?” “Caroline stays in school and until I find a way to pay you will cover her fees” Jen replied, surprised at how quickly she was finding her confidence “and our little arrangement stops today.” Burton sighed “all right, but I won’t pay for her indefinitely, you need to find another way soon.” Jen nodded, she already had an idea about who she would get the money from “thanks you Mr. Burton, I will speak to you soon.” Burton nodded “Miss Gilmore.” As Jen left the school she heard the reception mutter “just a quickie then” under her breath. Usually she would have let it go but there was nothing usual about that day so she stopped and turned back. “Excuse me” Jen murmured. The receptionist rolled her eyes “yes Miss Gilmore?” “You may remember that I am a parent at this school” Jen murmured sternly “and you should treat me with a bit more respect, no matter what rumours you hear about me, is that clear?” “Absolutely” replied the blinking receptionist. Jen smiled and left the school, the wind rustled in her hair and she felt better than she had in years. All she needed to do now was speak to Colin and Matthews then she and Will could truly be together. Chapter Eleven   Chapter Eleven The next day, Jen has tackled Colin and is now ready for her biggest hurdle. Mr. Matthews.   Jen turned to Will, who offered her a smile of encouragement as they walked into work. So far she had been successful in telling her regular sexual clients that it needed to stop. The mention of blackmail had worked just as well with Colin as it had with Mr. Burton. She knew that her mother’s money was the backbone of Colin’s company and if it were to disappear he would be finished. Jen had told him that she would no longer be fucking him and she needed to him to take on Caroline’s school fees otherwise she would tell her mother everything. The last hurdle to face was Matthews. He wouldn’t be happy when he found out that she would no longer be keeping him sexually satisfied and she wasn’t sure how she would stand up to him but she had to. She looked at Will again to remind herself why she had to. He loved her and she loved him too, maybe his love was misplaced but she would not hurt him in the same way she hurt Phil. She couldn’t let him down. She wanted to love him always. They walked into work together, as usual they were earlier than everyone else and they sat behind Jen’s desk while they waited for everyone. After a few minutes they heard the office door open and Matthews walked in. He signalled for Jen to join him in his office, with a sigh she followed him in. “Where were you yesterday?” he demanded as soon as he had locked the door. She swallowed and tried to find the courage she had had the day before “I was sick, I called in with enough time as my contract dictates, now you have called me in here I need to speak with you, about our sexual relationship.” “What about it?” he breathed on her neck causing her to shiver. She moved away from him and sat down at his desk. She had to be strong; she had to remember that she was doing it for Will. The man she loved. “As of today I am ceasing our sexual relationship.” Matthews’ face turned a shade of red as he thrusted it into hers “and how do you think that will work? You know that fucking me is the only reason you are in a job.” Again Jen felt need to let out a long breath before continuing. Out of everyone she had ever fucked Matthews was, and probably would always be, the one she was most scared of. He was a strong and calculating man, which could be a deadly combination, especially when it was in the wrong hands. “You cannot fire me Matthews because I quit, I have found a job elsewhere.” “What will you do without my reference?” he snarled “I told you if you leave I won’t give you one and no one will employ you. You have no skills to offer other than your body.” “So you have always told me” Jen murmured “but then I was speaking to my new employer and I realised that for the last nine years we have been using a sales spreadsheet that I made so that information was easier to find. They will be implanting the same thing when I start, you can’t tell me that I am useless anymore because I know I’m not.” She wasn’t really lying, while she hadn’t been offered a new job Will was talking to someone from another company who was looking for a secretary so she did hope to have one soon. “As for my reference, you will give me one otherwise I will tell my new employer everything that you have done to me. The sex, the abuse, the numerous black eyes, and then I will do everything I can to see help them bring you down.” Matthews’ fist pounded on the desk but something was missing in his eyes. Jen realised then that she had won, he knew that she had beaten him. She stood up and walked to the door “I wonder if it would be worth giving me pay in lieu of notice, have a think about it.” “Miss Gilmore, I can still cause trouble for you” Matthews warned “mark my words I will make sure that neither you or your daughter get very far in your career.” Jen sighed, she hadn’t really wanted to use the last tool in her box but it seemed like he was giving her no choice. She turned around and walked back to the desk, Matthews had walked back to his side and was sat down in his chair. “I don’t like having to use blackmail but I know that all the money in this company mainly belongs to your wife’s family and I wonder what they would say if they find out that you have been beating her.” Matthews’ eyes widened “you don’t know what you are talking about.” “As a fellow victim of your abuse I do know what I am talking about” Jen countered “I could tell when I met her at the Christmas party that you must hit her regularly. One word from me and that will be all they need to piece things together and then you will really be left with nothing. So can I count you on to leave me alone or do I have to get into contact with your wife’s family?” “You bitch” Matthews shouted. “Thank you for you cooperation” she smiled as she left his office. As soon as she was out of the office she rushed to Will, who hugged her tightly, she had done it. She had stood up to all of them and now they could get on with the rest of their lives. Maybe she would never be good enough for him, but he loved her and she would do all she could to make him feel loved in return. “I have this thing at Caroline’s school tonight” Jen murmured “she is introducing some new benefactor or something, in all honestly I only skim read the letter, would you like to come?” Will smiled “I’d love too.”   Later that evening they made the short journey to Caroline’s school. Matthews had decided to give pay in lieu of notice so she wouldn’t have to see him again, something she was more than grateful for. She had been willing to work the two weeks but in truth she hadn’t really wanted to. Everyone in the office knew about her and Matthews and their sniggers were beginning to drive her insane. Jen was sure that she was going to get similar sniggers from the staff at the school tonight but she could handle that. Caroline had been given an important job and she wasn’t going to miss it. Jen wasn’t sure why it had been Caroline who had been picked, all she had been told was that she had been chosen specifically by the new benefactor himself. Curious indeed but Jen knew that it must have something to do with Caroline’s school record. She had the best grades and attendance of anyone else in the school, Jen knew that much, so it only made sense that someone would choose her to introduce them. “Mum!” Caroline beamed as they walked in “and Will too, nice to see you both, do I look all right?” Jen looked down at her daughter, who looked beautiful in a tight fitting ruby dress, and smiled “you look wonderful sweetheart.” “Thanks mum” Caroline grinned “right I need to go, thank you so much for coming.” Jen watched as Caroline dashed off to behind the stage then sat down in a seat near the front. She saw a few people giving her odd glances, she rarely attended any even functions, but she didn’t care. She was there to support her daughter and that was all that mattered to her. Will had also noticed the staring parents “what’s up with them?” Jen shrugged “I don’t know, probably jealous that my daughter was chosen over their child for the introduction. To be honest, I don’t really get too involved with the school.” Will nodded “well maybe you could change that in the future, you know if you wanted to.” “Maybe” she murmured. Truthfully she hadn’t really thought about it one way or the other. It was an open secret amongst the staff that she had been fucking Burton so she had no doubt that some of the parents also knew. In truth she had assumed that they would think of her as nothing so she hadn’t bothered to try and make friends. The lights began to dimmer as everyone turned to look at the stage. Caroline was stood next to Burton, who cleared his throat before speaking. “Good evening ladies and gentleman” he boomed “As you know we are here today to welcome a new benefactor into the school board of directors. I pass you over to one of our best pupils, who will be introducing him to you all this evening, ladies and gentleman, Miss Caroline Gilmore.” There was a small round of applause as Caroline walked up to a podium and cleared her throat. “Thank you very much Mr. Burton, I have the greatest honour to introduce to you all, the latest member on our board of directors. Not only has he been taking an active interest in the lives of us students here at the school but he has also given a very generous donation to help fund our new library and pay for new equipment.” Jen smiled with pride at her daughter “she is so wonderful” she whispered to Will. “Ladies and Gentleman, please give a large round of applause for our benefactor, Mr. Pearson.” Caroline cheered as she started clapping. Jen felt the blood drain from her face, it couldn’t be could it? “Did she say Mr. Pearson?” Will nodded “yeah that’s right, she did a wonderful job, don’t you think?” Jen nodded but she couldn’t get her mind to focus, surely it couldn’t be the same one, surely there were lots of Mr. Pearsons. With trepidation she looked back to the stage and tried not wince as she was faced with the reality in front of her. “Oh my God” she whispered “it can’t be.” Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe he didn’t know that Caroline was her daughter, and maybe he didn’t know that she was sat in the audience. She saw him turn in her direction and their eyes met, she swallowed nervously and tried not to flinch as he winked at her. “Who is he?” Will asked, urgently. Jen let out a small breath “It’s Phil.” Chapter Twelve   Chapter Twelve Jen is about to have an awkward encounter   Jen tried to swallow but her throat was dry. What was Phil doing there? She hadn’t seen him in over fifteen years but he still looked amazing. He hadn’t age much, if at all, and she could feel herself going back in time. Oh dear, what was she going to say to him? Would he still hate her for hurting him? She turned to Will, who was watching Phil with unblinking eyes, what was he thinking? Maybe he wouldn’t love her once he found out how badly she had hurt Phil. Jen bit her lip, she had only just started trusting love again and she didn’t want anything to mess it up. She wished she knew what Will was thinking. Finally the assembly draw to a close and, as was customary, the parents were invited to stay for drinks afterwards to become better acquainted. Jen stood up quickly, wanting nothing more than to escape as soon as Caroline was ready. She felt Will’s hand on her back as she scanned the crowd looking for Caroline. Jen felt the blood drain from her face as she saw spotted her daughter, engrossed in conversation with Phil. Will, who had also spotted Caroline, whispered “it will be all right, I’m here.” Jen nodded slowly as they began to walk towards Caroline and Phil. She needed to be strong, she had to get Caroline away from him, she didn’t want her daughter knowing who is was. If Caroline found out the truth about Jen’s past who knows what she would think. “Caroline” Jen smiled, doing her best to seem calm. “Mum” Caroline beamed “I didn’t know you already knew Mr. Pearson. How exciting.” “I wouldn’t say I know him” Jen murmured. “Oh come on, Jenny” Phil grinned “we used to be quite friendly at one time.” Jen flinched at his use of her old nickname “that was a long time ago Phil.” “I suppose it was” Phil replied before turning to Will “you must be the boyfriend.” “That’s right” Will grunted. “I hope you are looking after Jenny” Phil smiled. “I am” Will snapped, as he fought to control his anger, how dare this man act as if nothing had happened? Jen might be in denial about it all but Will knew the truth about Phil. He knew that Phil had groomed her and used her for his own advantage then discarded with her as soon as she was no longer useful. Caroline turned to Will with a confused look on her face. He wasn’t surprised; he wasn’t usually so brash with people. “Are you all right Will?” “Quite all right” he replied softly “just a bit tired.” “Yes, we have to be going” Jen murmured, grateful that Will had made the perfect excuse for them to leave. She took hold of Caroline’s hand and gentle pulled her away from Phil. “Can’t I stay a bit longer?” Caroline asked “I’m happy to walk home, it’s not far?” “No, I don’t want you walking in the dark” Jen replied “you don’t know who is about.” “I will give her a lift home” Phil cut in. “Oh, yes please” Caroline beamed “that would be all right wouldn’t it?” “No!” Jen snapped loudly. All eyes turned to her in surprise; she didn’t usually raise her voice. She couldn’t let Caroline be alone with Phil, it was all too risky. She knew how charming Phil could be and she didn’t want Caroline to fall under his spell. “I’m sorry” Will murmured flashing Jen a smile “it’s my fault, I’m planning to take you both out for a meal this evening.” “A meal?” Caroline beamed “can we have pizza?” “Whatever you like” Will grinned. “Oh yes, pizza” Caroline smiled as she pulled Will towards the exit. Jen smiled nervously “I had better follow them, Caroline gets a bit excited about pizza.” Phil nodded “until next time, Jenny.” “There won’t be a next time” Jen returned, trying to sound forceful “I want you to leave me and Caroline alone. We don’t need you.” “I never said you did” Phil smiled “but I will see Caroline here at times. I cannot ignore her.” “Don’t do anything to her” Jen warned before rushing as quickly as she could to the exit. She hoped he listened to her and left the two of them alone. The last thing she needed was for Caroline to discover the truth about her.   It was around lunchtime the next day when she heard a knock at door. Jen frowned, she wasn’t expecting anyone and Caroline was school, with a sigh she stood up and opened the door. She felt the blood drain from her face as Phil smiled at her and walked past her into the flat. She let out a breath to try and ease her nerves but it was no good, her heart was beating double speed. What was he doing there? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? “Nice place” Phil commented “I can see you are doing well for yourself.” “I get by” Jen replied cautiously “I am in between jobs at the moment. Why are you here?” Phil chuckled “you don’t mess around do you?” “I told you to leave me alone” Jen snapped “why are you here?” “I can’t stop thinking about you” Phil murmured as he walked towards her. Jen’s heart started beating faster and she took a step back out of fear. Phil had a dangerous look in his eye, one she remembered from when they dated, and she didn’t like it. It was the look he had had before they had fucked for the first time. “I can’t help that” she said nervously. “You were always such a good girl” he grinned as he ran his finger down her cheek. She flinched and moved away from him again, how did he know where she lived? She supposed it was easy enough to find out, especially when he was connected so closely to Caroline’s school but still it unnerved her. She didn’t want to be alone with him, especially when he looked so aggressively turned on but what else could she do? Will wasn’t expected back until that evening and she doubted he would leave if she asked. She had already asked him to leave her alone and he had defied her in that regard. “Why are you here?” she repeated. He walked to her again and put his hand on her waist. She tried to move away but he held firm “I missed you, Jenny. Seeing you last night reminded me how good you are and I want you.” “No!” Jen snapped as she pushed on his chest. “Come on, Jenny” Phil smiled as he kissed her neck “you used to do this all the time.” “I don’t do it anymore” Jen argued, as she, once again, failed to push him away “I’m with Will now and I don’t want to fuck anyone else. Leave me alone, now.” Slowly Phil shook his head as he brought his lips to hers. Jen continued to fight him but he was too strong for her and his protests just seemed to excite him even more. He pushed her onto the sofa and started to undress. Jen took advantage of the distraction to make a dash for the front door but he had pre-empted her actions and had no trouble grabbing hold of her again. Once she was back in his arms he slapped her across the face. “Don’t do that again.” “Please, Phil” Jen whispered as teared started to fall down her face “please don’t do this.” “I need you, Jenny” he replied as he pulled her close to him. She could feel his erection, hard and fierce against her leg. Why was he doing this to her? She had said no, she didn’t want it. “Strip” he ordered. She shook her head “No, let me go please.” He pushed her back onto the sofa and laid on top of her to stop her from moving “I will do it for you” he whispered in her ear “don’t fight me, Jenny.” She ignored his words and started pushing on his chest but it was no use, he was too strong for her to fight back. “Please stop” she begged as he pulled down her trousers “please no.” He chuckled “I’m not used to you being so resistant, Jenny, at one time you would have let me do whatever I wanted.” Jen shook her head, unsure of what to say in reply. She had love him before but she didn’t any longer, she wasn’t sure what had happened to him. Was he still mad at her for what had happened? Was he doing all of this purely for revenge? He positioned himself to enter her pussy and with one fast thrust he fully embedded himself within her. The pain was like nothing she had felt before and she made a feeble attempt to push him away once more but she knew it would be pointless. With another chuckle he began to move in and out of her, each thrust increased the pain she felt and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying out in distress. She didn’t want him to see how much he was hurting her; she didn’t want him to take satisfaction from her tears. Jen closed her eyes to try and pretend that it wasn’t happening but it was no use. Nothing could distract her from the pain in her pussy or the callous laughing of the man causing that pain. She felt his movements become more frenzied as he neared completion and his thrusts became faster and harder. “Please stop now” she begged. He slapped her face “I will stop when I want to.” She shook her head helpless as the pain increased. Unable to hold back any longer she let out a sharp cry and the tears started falling silently down her cheeks. She felt his mouth close around her nipple and she let out a surprised gasp as he began to bite around it. After what felt like hours he pulled out of her and shoved his cock in her mouth, forcing her to suck him until he orgasmed. His sperm filled her mouth as he pushed her away and slowly got dressed. Jen looked down and waited for him to finish. At the sound of the door she rushed to the bathroom and spat his sperm into the sink. She cleaned her mouth out then she slowly sat on the floor and started to cry. Chapter Thirteen Chapter Thirteen Jen is still sat in the bathroom reliving what happened with Phil as she regresses back to being thirteen years old.   She flinched as she heard the door open, had Phil come back? She wasn’t sure how long she had been in the bathroom but surely he was well away by now. Jen winced as she heard Will’s voice calling for her, what would she say to him? She stood up on trembling legs and painted a wobbly smile onto her face. She had to act as if everything was normal. Why had Phil done that to her? Maybe she had been wrong; maybe she wasn’t good enough to be loved. Perhaps all she was good for was fucking. Why else would Phil have raped her? She looked in the mirror and quickly wiped her eyes. She had said no, she had told him she didn’t want to and he had still done it. What other answer was there? Since her first time with Phil she had believed that all she was good for was sex. When she had met Will she had begun to hope that maybe she could have more, that maybe she could be worth more but she had been wrong. Phil had proven her wrong. Why else would he have done what he did? He must still be angry about what she had done to him before. “Jen, are you here?” Will called. “Just coming” she replied urgently. Jen walked out of the bathroom and smiled at Will. She walked further into the room and her eyes locked on the sofa. That was where it had happened. She closed her eyes as a wave of pain shot her through her. What was she going to do? “Jen, are you all right?” She opened her eyes quickly and turned to Will, he was looking at her with concern. She didn’t deserved his concern, she was dirty. She was nothing. No wonder Phil had raped her. “You should go” Jen murmured. Will blinked “Jen?” “You need to leave” she replied softly as tears fell down her cheeks “I can’t do this to you anymore.” “Do what to me?” “I can’t be with you this way anymore.” Jen whispered “it isn’t fair on you, you deserve more than what I can give, you deserve more than me.” Will looked at her with watery eyes “why are you doing this? Don’t you love me?” “Of course I love you” Jen shook her head, she didn’t want to think about how much she loved him. She knew she was breaking both their hearts but what else could she do? Obviously Phil had sensed something in her. Obviously he knew that deep down she could never be more than a cheap whore. Will hadn’t been able to see that yet but he would, she knew that she would hurt him just like she had hurt Phil. “This is about that man” Will walked over to her and took her shoulders “what happened?” Jen shook her head “no, it’s me. I won’t ever be worthy of someone like you.” “Jen, please don’t turn me away” he begged. “I have to” she whispered “I have to.” “I will leave no” Will replied “but I will be back and I will find out what happened.” She closed her eyes again until she heard the front door slam then she curled herself up in the arm chair and she started to cry.   It was three hours before Will came back to the flat. He had needed time to cool off and ease his pain before trying to speak with Jen again. Something had happened that day and he needed to know what it was. He suspected it had something to do with her ex but he couldn’t be sure. He had never seen Jen so shaken up before, it unnerved him. She had been gaining such confidence and it tore at his heart to see her so shaken up. He let himself into the flat and saw her sat on the arm chair, Caroline was next to her “please mum, tell me what happened.” “It’s nothing Caroline” Jen replied but her voice was monotone and she had a blank expression. Will coughed “Jen?” Caroline rushed to him “Oh Will, do you know what’s wrong with mum? “I’m not sure” he replied looking at Jen. “I told you to go” Jen murmured. Caroline turned around confused “it’s Will mum.” “I know who it is” Jen replied as she stood up “I broke up with Will.” “Why?” Caroline asked. “It’s personal” Jen walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water as she tried to compose her mind. Caroline had noticed something was wrong the moment she had arrived home. She had been incessant with questions. “What this mess on the sofa?” Jen groaned at her daughter’s question. She didn’t want to look at the sofa but it seemed like she would have no choice. Not unless she wanted to admit what had happened. She backed out of the kitchen “what mess?” “These stain marks” Caroline pointed at little droplets on the sofa cushions. Jen closed her eyes. Some of Phil’s sperm must have dripped from her mouth and marked the sofa. She looked at Will who was also looking at the marks with dawning recognition. “What did he do to you?” Will asked. “Nothing” Jen snapped defensively, she couldn’t tell them what had happened. She couldn’t let Caroline know what kind of person she was. “What did who do?” Caroline asked. “Phil” Will answered, he had known it was something do with Phil as soon as he had seen Jen. What had the knave done?” “The man from school?” Caroline asked “why would he have done anything?” “He didn’t do anything” Jen insisted as her heart started to beat faster “nothing happened.” Will wasn’t going to be as easily convinced as she hoped. He recognised what the stains on the sofa were and he knew what had happened. He took a step towards Jen. “Look at me” he gently ordered, when she did he continued “did he rape you?” He heard Caroline gasp from behind him but his eyes never left Jen’s as she slowly nodded and started to cry. He took her in his arms and held her tightly, he wanted to make it all go away. The man had tormented her childhood and Will would not let him torment her adulthood as well. She was worth so much more than she gave herself credit for. She was worth the world. “Mum?” Caroline walked forward “he raped you?” Jen moved away from Will and sat back down in the arm chair. She had never felt so small in her whole life. Why did Phil have to come back? Why couldn’t she be worthy of love? What made her such a bad person? “I deserved it” she whispered “I treated him terribly when I was younger.” “No one deserved to get raped” Caroline asked “what did you do when you were younger?” Jen shook her head “you are too young.” “I’m fourteen” Caroline argued “they taught us all about sex and rape in school. What happened?” “Caroline, it’s nothing” Jen insisted “I hurt him a long time ago, that’s all.” “You never did anything to him” Will burst out “he exploited you!” Silence descended upon the room and all three of them looked at each other. Jen bit her lip and looked away towards the wall. How could Will say that she was the one who had been wronged? She had been the one who had hurt Phil not the other way around. “Mum, when did you know him?” Caroline asked slowly before glancing cautiously at Will. He realised that she had guessed what had happened to Jen. “I met him when I was thirteen” Jen replied “we had a relationship and I hurt him.” Caroline looked at Will again before kneeling down next to the arm chair and taking Jen’s hands. Will took a step back, aware that mother and daughter needed a moment to themselves. “Mum, how did you hurt him?” Caroline asked. Jen tried not to flinch at her daughter’s gentle touch. She hadn’t wanted to tell Caroline about what had happened but it seemed the circumstances beyond her control were making it all come out. She smiled softly “I started sleeping with his friends, I thought that that was what he wanted but it wasn’t. He told me that he had been waiting for me to defy him and refuse. He told me that I broke his heart.” “Is he my dad?” Caroline asked. Jen closed her eyes and shook her head “I don’t know, it could have been any of them.” Caroline nodded “I understand. You don’t really think you are to blame do you?” “He loved me until I did that” Jen murmured. “But you were thirteen” Caroline argued “and he was surely in his thirties by then. You must see that he exploited you.” Jen looked at her daughter in surprise then turned to Will. They had both said used that word, ‘exploited’ it sounded awful. Not the word she would have used to describe the love he had had for her. “Mum?” Caroline asked. Jen shook her head and stood up as tears started falling down her cheeks. Did they think she couldn’t see how it looked to an outsider? She wasn’t stupid but she had been on inside and she had seen how hurt Phil had been. “He said when I became pregnant that was a whore” she cried “he always knew it but I started to forgot my place and he saw that so he made damn sure that I would remember. That is why he raped me.” “Mum, you are in denial” Caroline argued “think about it, if, deep down, you knew it was your fault then why did you want me to be with him on my own? You knew he was a risk and you had to protect me. Deep down, you know what he really did to you.” The earth around Jen shattered as she turned around to compose herself. Why did something so simple have such an effect on her? She felt like the truth had hit on her the head. “No” she shook her head as confusion filled her mind “no it was my fault.” Will walked forward “you know it’s not.” “Don’t you understand?” Jen cried as she turned around “don’t you understand that it has to be my fault? Because if it wasn’t, if I wasn’t always meant to turn out this way, then that means if I had been ten seconds earlier or ten seconds later then none of it would happened and that’s too much to bear.” Will put his arm around her as she started to cry and suddenly everything made sense in her mind. All the confusion was gone and all that was left was the starling reality of what had happened to her. “It wasn’t my fault” she sobbed “it wasn’t my fault.”     Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fourteen A few days later. Jen has reported Phil to the police, who were as helpful as they could be, on the way back she stops in at her mother’s house.   Her mother was surprised to see her; truthfully Jen wasn’t sure why she decided to visit her childhood home. She didn’t usually go to the house in case she saw Colin but on the way back from the police station she had felt the urge to go there. Her mother, Constance Stark, showed her into the lounge and sat down in the arm chair. Jen sat down on the adjoining sofa and smiled softly, suddenly unsure what to say. She cleared her throat “how have you been?” “Fine” Constance replied. Jen swallowed, her mother had always been something of hard woman to talk to. She was usually cold without meaning to be and that tended to make Jen not want to talk to her. “I know you and Caroline are close” Jen finally murmured finding the words only moments before speaking them “but from now on she can’t come here, if you want to see her than you need to come to our house.” “What have you said to her?” Constance asked “why the sudden change?” “She doesn’t want to come to the house anymore in case she sees Colin” Jen replied “I have to respect her feelings in the matter.” Something flickered over Constance’s face that Jen could not read. After giving birth to Caroline, Jen had made strict orders that Colin was not to be left alone with her. She doubted her mother had forgotten the conversation. “What has Colin done to her?” Constance asked. “It wasn’t anything he done to her” Jen answered softly “it was what he has done to me.” Constance raised her eyebrows as she stood to get herself a drink. Jen’s eyes followed her as she sat back down. “Tell me what you came here to say.” “We used to be close” Jen murmured “then dad died and I don’t know what happened. Did you really not notice or were you simply choosing to be blind to it all? I mean you must have noticed something surely?” “Jennifer, please, what is this all about?” “The last few days have been hard for me and I have been thinking about a lot. I have been thinking about my childhood a lot.” Jen stood and walked to the window “It has taken me fifteen years to accept it but Colin exploited me and used me.” “What are you talking about?” her mother demanded “why are you saying these things?” Jen turned around “because it’s true and please don’t act so surprised. Did you never think about the identity of Caroline’s father?” “A boy at school you said” Constance replied. “Oh please” Jen scoffed “that’s what Colin said not me, the truth is I don’t know who her father is and it could even be Colin.” “No” her mother murmured. “Yes!” Jen shot back “I was groomed when I was thirteen by a man named Phil, he made me prostitute myself and when Colin found out he took advantage and made me do the same.” Constance shook her head “No, Jennifer, stop saying these things.” “I can’t change what happened mother” Jen snapped “I won’t back down from the truth any longer. Colin used me for sex, he could be Caroline’s father I don’t know, and Caroline doesn’t want to be around him anymore and I have to respect her wishes.” “And what about me?” Constance asked “surely you don’t hold me responsible.” Jen raised her eyebrows “I just wish I knew what happened to you after dad died. I know Colin gave you want you needed but what about what I needed? I needed you.” “You had me” Constance insisted. “No I didn’t” Jen replied as she walked back from the window and looked at her mother “you were always on pain pills or sleeping pills or away on holiday. I can’t fault how you have been to Caroline but I lost you the day dad died and you know it. You were looking for something I couldn’t give you and Colin could. I don’t blame you for what happened but I can’t forgive Colin for exploiting me. He knew what was happening and he used it to his advantage. I can’t make you believe and quite honestly it doesn’t bother me if you do.” Jen started to leave but stopped and turned around again “Colin gave you love, a love I couldn’t give you, as well as security and money. I know why you clung onto him and maybe you one day you will see that I am telling the truth and leave. You know where we are if you need us.” Jen left the house and turned around one more time with a pensive sigh before she started walking back to her flat. It had been a roller-coaster of a week and she was glad it was relatively over. She and Will started their new jobs that following Monday and she couldn’t wait. At last she would be appreciated for her work. She hadn’t told her mother about the police or that she had told them everything, including Colin’s part in her exploitation. She would find out when the police went to speak with him after conducting an investigation. Jen smiled as the wind rustled through her hair and instead of going home she decided to take a stroll. For the first time in fifteen years she felt at peace with her life. She was still surprised it had taken her so long to see what had happened to her clearly. Once she had admitted the truth to herself it had all made so much sense. She blinked as she realised she had walked near her old school. How many days had she rushed out of there desperate to see Phil? She shuddered at thought. She had been so in love with him and it had all been lies. That had been the hardest thing to accept. The fact that everything he had said had been a lie, that the feelings he had professed had all been false. Over half of her life had been dictated by something that had never been there in the first place. How could anything be so cruel? With renewed determination she turned around and walked towards Phil’s house. She didn’t want to see him, at least she didn’t think she did, but she wanted to see his house. For all she knew he no longer lived there anyway but she wanted to see where her life had been changed forever. She didn’t think she could face up to her past completely without seeing it. She walked as quickly as possible and stopped in the road just slightly opposite his house. She scanned the street as memories washed over her. She hadn’t been there since the day she found out she was pregnant. She didn’t know what to do, she quickly sent a text to Will to explain where she was then she went back to scanning the street. She shrugged as she realised she felt nothing for any of it anymore. All the feelings that had once been there were now non-existent and she had a new life to lead now, one that was filled with love and hope. She turned to walk away but stopped as she saw a police car turn into the road and stop outside Phil’s house. She turned around intrigued and watched as two uniformed officers knocked on the door, as soon as Phil opened the door she felt tears in her eyes. She clenched her next in attempt to stop herself from crying and watched on. The police seemed to show him a batch and a piece of paper and one of them entered the house while the other stayed outside with Phil. She was too far away to hear what was being said but Phil looked annoyed and was shaking his head in exasperation. Suddenly the other police man came out of the house and whispered something to the one outside. Jen watched as the first police man, the one inside the house, started speaking frantically into his radio. He rushed back into the house and within seconds he walked back out with his arm around a young girl. Jen’s neck clenched even harder as the tears in her eyes became more forceful. She hadn’t even considered until that moment that there might have been other girls. How foolish she had been. She looked on at the house as the girl tried to reach out to Phil as he stoically stood by the policeman. “We need a female officer here” the first policeman called into his radio. “Let me go” the girl demanded “Phil, tell them that we love each other please. Tell them.” Suddenly Jen felt a hand in hers and she looked up and saw Will by her side. They watched in silence as the scene unfolded and the police handcuffed Phil. Just before he was lowered into the police car he caught sight of her and they locked eyes. He nodded at her and she returned the gesture. She knew that he knew she had been the one to go to the police and that was all that mattered. “Mum?” She looked behind her and saw Caroline walking up the road. She took her daughter’s hand and turned back to the scene outside Phil’s house. The young girl was now crying hysterically as a man, presumably one of Phil’s clients, walked up to the house. Jen shook her head and turned away, she had seen enough. She didn’t want to be reminded of her past completely. “How are you feeling?” Caroline asked “did you see grand ma?” “I did” Jen replied “she was in shock but I think she will understand eventually.” “You must be glad that it is all over?” Will asked. Jen shook her head as she stared off into distance “it’s not all over though is it? Maybe for me I am starting to move on but he will always be there in the back my mind and there will always be other people.” She gestured to the house “for that young girl it’s all just starting, and there must be many others like us too.” Jen sighed “I will this was the end, I wish I could say it was all over” she turned to Will and smiled “but I am glad that I am able to move on with the rest of my life, let’s go home.” The three of them walked away from the house together, all of them looking forward to the bright future that was awaiting them.   Text: Sophie J Brain Images: Sophie J Brain Editing: Sophie J Brain All rights reserved. Publication Date: August 30th 2018 https://www.bookrix.com/-ow9b8fef09a4095

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-kylie-golden-i-never-thought-it-would-happen-to-me/

Kylie Golden I Never Thought it Would Happen to me no one ever does... dedicated to the author of speak. Chapter 1 I ran, my feet slamming against the ground. My heart pounded in my chest, and my breath shot in and out of me so fast i thought my lungs would burst. just keep running.just keep running. I tried to scream, but couldnt breath. i could hear his footsteps, right behind me, coming closer and closer. Thud, Thud, Thud . A tree limb scratched my cheek, and blood trickled down my face. My feet, only covered my flip flops were covered in scratched, thorns, mud, and dirt. As i tried to duck underneath a tree branch, a firm hand gripped my shoulder firmly. i tried to scream again, but a rugh callosed hand covered my mouth. God, please no! dont let him do this.. those words rung through my head. Tears blurred my vision as he tackled me to the ground and pinned my arms above my head.His hand lossened, and fell of my mouth to pull on my clothes. i whispered Feebly, " Please stop! no no please.." my words fell to death ears, the only way knew he heard me is because he slapped me and told me to shut up. please.. no... god..help me.. he covered my mouth again as he pulled of his clothes. my bare skin was pressed against the rugh forest floor. Suddenly, in the bottom of my stomach there was a searing pain. god make him stop...it hurts Tears poured down my face. I managed to bite his hand, and when it flew off my mouth, i screamed for my life, praying someone would rescue me, anyone. Chapter 2 I woke up, screaming. Again. Four months later, i still had nightmares. i took the usual twenty minutes to calm down. the same thoughts that i always thought after having that dream began to run through my head. why me? of all people, me. i never skipped school, and i made straight As.why not the girls who snuck out and got themselves i into that? all i was doing was taking my dog out for a walk. flashback- I heard leaves crunch behind me. "hello?!" i yelled, frightened.stop, your overracting Carie i told myself. then i saw a face. Mr. Rogers from next door. he was following me. then i started running. end of flashback- I still cant believe it was Mr.Rogers who raped me. he was perfectly happy.married, had kids. but no he had to go and attack me. he ought be proud of himself. I was also four months pregnant. Chapter 3 I jumped in the shower washing my body, once, two, three times before i felt clean. ever since that night, i couldnt shake the feeling of being dirty. I looked down at my swollen belly, and couldnt push away the small sliver of disgust i felt covered by love. i always felt the disgust, thinking of his father. my poor baby boy, who no matter what people said i would not abort. i had always been pro-life. i shook myself from my thoughts and headed towards the door, trying to think of test, school, anything but that night. Publication Date: February 3rd 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-kbggirl

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-j-t-d-039-arelli-for-a-girl/

J.T. D&apos;Arelli For a Girl I dedicate this book to myself, because I truly believe that, were I somehow turned into a girl, I would be the most attractive, talented, quick witted and intelligent female to ever strut the streets of the world. I only know this because I already am that girl. Minus the girl part. BookRix GmbH & Co. KG 81371 Munich A Good Day at the Track "58...! 59...! 60...!" Coach Bradford called out the times as I ran past. Right on schedule. One lap down, three to go. Tilden was just where I wanted him, two strides in front of me. Already we had broken away from the rest of field. With 3/4 of the race still in front of us, the real running wouldn't start for a while yet. But in the mile, you don't want to wait too long to make your move. My name's Jack Lind. I'm a 17-year old high-school senior. I guess you could consider me a pretty ordinary guy, except for one thing: I eat, breathe and sleep track and field. My specialty is the mile run and today I'm trying to do something no high school boy has done in 34 years: run a sub 4-minute mile. Coach Bradford and I had been plotting this for months. I live in Milford, a quiet little farm town in upstate New York — about halfway between Binghamton and Syracuse. I'd been running cross country and track for my school since the 7th grade, but only in the last couple of seasons had my times improved to the point where a lot of people were starting to take notice. I finished last year with a personal best of 4:12 for the mile — which had led to a third place performance at the state championships. Over the summer and through the fall cross-country season, my training had become more intense than ever. But what had really made a difference was finally getting my growth spurt. In less than a year I had gained 3 inches in height and my stamina had improved tremendously as well. Tilden and I passed our coaches to complete the second lap. He was still two strides in front and I was more than content to draft off him for a little longer. Two more laps to go. We had completed the half-mile in just over two minutes, so my goal was still in sight. Ten days ago, I had run a 4:05. I was racing on a cinder track, with no competition to speak of. I'm not trying to be arrogant; it's just that in the local athletic district of which Milford was a part, I was 30 seconds faster than anyone else. But it was that performance that had convinced Coach Bradford the time was ripe for my attempt at the 4-minute mile. The first major invitational of the year was Cortland, a larger college town about an hour's drive away. More than 30 schools would be competing. Unlike any of the schools in my district, Cortland boasted a high-performance synthetic track, which would provide a superb surface for a fast time. Also, the stadium was equipped with electronic timing, which was a must for any record to be valid. Stopwatches were not acceptable for the national books. Plus, Tilden would be there. Kevin Tilden was the fastest high-school miler in New York. He had won the race for the state title last year, the one where I finished third. He had already improved his personal best of 4:07 earlier this season, which (along with my 4:05) was enough to raise eyebrows of track fans across the country. Quite a number of people were looking forward to this match up. Tilden and me most of all. It's very hard for track athletes, particularly middle and long distance runners to achieve their best times unless there is strong competition. Both Tilden and I wanted to use this meet, and each other, to reach new levels of excellence. My coach and I, however, were keeping our plans for the 4-minute barrier to ourselves. Halfway through the third lap now. I could sense Tilden was slowing a bit — the pace had been torrid. The third lap is the most critical in a mile run. Races were often won or lost during that 400-meter stretch, even though the fans might not realize it. I could accept the slowing pace, and then I could set up a tactical run from here to the end - hanging behind Tilden until the final homestretch, then 'kicking' it on in. If I settled for that, I might win the race — but I would not break any records. I had to maintain this speed if I wanted to get below four minutes. That meant I would have to move past Tilden now. So I did. This was not a championship competition, just a mid-season invitational. There was no title on the line. But I really wanted that time! I shifted to a higher gear, ran past Tilden, and moved quickly back to the rail as soon as I was legally ahead (you aren't allowed to cut off other runners when you pass — you need at least two steps). Tilden was now behind me, which meant he could draft off of me, allowing me to force a path through the air for him. It sounds silly, but drafting is a common technique in many sports, from speed skating to cycling. However, if I could get far enough ahead, then he wouldn't gain any advantage. The three-lap time — 3:01. That meant I would have to run a 59-second quarter for the last lap to break the barrier. My legs were feeling a little burn, but my lungs were strong, and I concentrated on maintaining a steady stride. Behind me, I could sense Tilden fading as I picked up the speed. In 1965 Jim Ryun, America's greatest miler, ran a 3:55 as a high-school senior in Kansas. Ryun went on to break the world record for the mile with a 3:51 and also earned an Olympic silver medal in 1972. In 1966 and 1967, two other high-school athletes broke 4 minutes with times of 3:59 — Tim Danielson and the legendary Marty Liquori. Since then, no high-school boy in the United States had run the mile in under 4 minutes, let alone approached Ryun's record of 3:55. A stretch of more than 30 years. I was determined beat that streak. Two hundred meters to go. Tilden had fallen far back, but there were several hundred fans and even some press making a lot of noise, encouraging me. My lungs were burning now and I had to focus on keeping my pace smooth. Distance running is very psychological. Often, the race is won not by the fastest, but the strongest, the one who can best master his pain when every nerve in his body is crying for relief. Just like mine were now. One hundred meters to go. God, it hurt! But everyone was screaming for me, Coach Bradford loudest of all. Believe me, it makes a difference to have that support. I gritted my teeth, swallowed down my stomach, and plunged the final steps over the line. Gasping, my hands on my knees, I raised my eyes to look at the scoreboard clock. 3:59.5. I'd done it! A huge roar went through the crowd as it sunk in. I was immediately surrounded by a mass of humanity, and nearly knocked off my feet by Coach Bradford. Since he doubles as the football coach and goes in at 6'3, 240 — it was quite an impact. But I managed to keep my feet while I tried to catch my breath. A feeling of elation swept through me as I realized what I had done. Not only had I just become the fastest high school miler in the country, I was the fastest in the last three decades. And I still had half the season in front of me! Everyone was talking at once. Tilden came up and congratulated me. He'd come in at 4:04, his best time ever. But I could sense his disappointment — I knew what it felt like, since he'd defeated me the year before. He'd have other chances, though — when we met again at the state championships. I knew he'd be hungry for another try. But for now, this was my moment. I shook so many hands, I felt like a politician. Gradually, though, the excitement died down, and we moved off the track. It was time for the girl's mile — and Milford had a pretty good runner in that race, Becky Barton. I had a lot of respect for her and the rest of the girl's team — I didn't want all the chaos of my performance to interfere. Still, while watching Becky run from the stands, I was mobbed by coaches, athletes and fans. In addition, two of the local papers had reporters, trying to get a recap from me. I kept one eye on the track while I described everything that was going on. Next to me, Coach Bradford was reciting how our strategy had been planned. I broke off for a moment to cheer Becky on as she entered the homestretch. Kicking hard, she crossed the line in third place, with a time of 5:13. A fine time for her — and a new school record for the Milford girls. We all cheered loudly as she smiled up at us. I was still fielding questions, but I yelled out my congratulations to her. She and I, along with all of the distance runners (half-mile, mile and 2-mile) were a close community — a team within a team. This was common among tracksters. Sprinters, hurdlers, jumpers, throwers — we all rooted for each other, but our events required such different styles of training that we bonded most with those who practiced and competed by our sides. Of course, the fact that Becky and the other girls looked so cute in their tight running briefs didn't hurt either. It seemed as though my race had generated an infectious energy for all of our competitors. Milford had many top three finishes, along with excellent times and distances. Best of all, Hal Turner, one of my closest friends, won the two-mile in 9:36 — which was sure to be a contending performance at the bigger meets later in the year. It was a great bus ride home. Needless to say, Coach Bradford was in a very good mood. Everyone was singing, cheering and recounting the stories of the meet. Milford had finished 3rd in the team standings — which was all the more impressive considering many of the schools were two or three times our size. Becky, Hal and the rest of our distance crew traded jokes and basked in the atmosphere of accomplishment. We arrived back at the Milford high school campus, where my mother was waiting to pick me up. Everyone said a final goodbye and Coach Bradford told us to report for a light workout tomorrow. We still had some small meets before the big competitions at the end of the season, and he wanted our training to peak at the right time. I got in the old Civic with my mother. "How did it go?" she asked. "I did it! I broke 4 minutes!" "Congratulations." And that was it. My mother and I definitely had a rocky relationship. She had divorced when I was very young and she'd never remarried. Since I had no siblings, it was just the two of us. Sometimes that makes family even closer. Sometimes not. In my case, I loved my mother very much, and I knew she loved me back. But we had struggled throughout my teenage years. She worked very hard as an administrative assistant in a local factory, and she had a lot of expectations for me — academic achievement, excellent colleges and so forth. I made good grades — I was even on the honor society. But I was a notch below the best students in my class. That hardly bothered me, since track was my priority. I was already being recruited by many colleges and I just didn't have the same intensity about studying. My mother felt differently, though. She believed my classes should come first and track a distant second. This frustrated me, of course — she didn't seem to take my running seriously, or appreciate how important it was to me. It was the age-old conflict between the generations: the parents have one vision for their children — the kids have a different one for themselves. "So how was your English paper?" "A-" "What went wrong?" "Hey, A- is a pretty good grade, Mom." "Pretty good is not going to get you into the Ivy League." "But I've already got two Ivy League coaches recruiting me." "After-school activities are not the stuff of a successful career. I'm glad your hobby is going well for you — but it's no substitute for true academics." I was too incensed over her dismissal of my running as a 'hobby' to point out that as long as I got in, who cares what criteria were used? When would she ever respect my effort? I finished the ride in silence. We lived in an old farmhouse about three miles from town. We fixed a quick spaghetti dinner (all distance runners love pasta for 'carbo-loading'). Mom and I made small talk about the office — we avoided school and track. Tired from a long day, and the emotional high of the race, I showered up and hit the sack. The next morning, I rode the school bus in — the only way I was going to get my own car was to work for it, and I wasn't giving up running for an after-school job at McDonalds. While at my locker before first period, a pair of slender, feminine arms encircled my waist and a warm body, smelling sweetly of soap and lilacs pressed against me. I smiled and turned around, looking into the lovely blue eyes of Sue Wendell, my recently acquired girlfriend. "Congratulations!" she said — kissing me quickly. Then, not so quickly. "Thanks, sweetie." nuzzling her neck in return. At least she appreciated what I did. I still couldn't believe my good fortune. Sue was a very pretty, petite young woman, as close to the ideal All- American girl as one could get. She was a superb student, an excellent field-hockey player, a cheerleader and president of the school class. She was easily the most popular girl in school — but not because she belonged to the right clique. Instead, she... transcended cliques, forming true friendships with jocks, nerds, bangers, Goths and all the rest. How did she do this? Because she was the most honest person I'd ever met. There was no pretense about her and she never judged people by what category they might be in. To borrow from the film, she was the anti-Heather. I'd always had a crush on her — along with every other guy in the school. But while I never expected it to come to anything, we had been very good friends for years. Study buddies, school activities and so on. But about two months back, I'd asked her to a movie — I had no ulterior motives, yet something clicked that night. As we said goodbye, I had leaned over to kiss her cheek — she had turned her head and our lips met. We both felt the shock of the unexpected contact, looked at each other, then kissed again. And again. Turned out there was something there after all. We started dating regularly, and I was very, very happy. I'd never made it past second base with her — which was just fine with me. I was more than satisfied with what I had — and that lack of pressure made us quite comfortable with each other. There were only a few months to graduation — so I didn't know what kind of future we had — we were content to take it one day at a time. I smiled down at her, delighting in how her light brown hair framed her face. She was wearing a set of the low-riding jeans that had been so popular with girls lately, and I could just glimpse the lace waistband of her panties as I bent to kiss her again. She laughed and gently pushed me away. "Time for class, Jack — we don't want to be late." And so began an excellent day of school. I received all kinds of congratulations and slaps on the back. A track athlete, even one who could run a sub-four mile, was not going to be in the same league as a star quarterback or pitcher. This was true for both high-school and the 'real' world. Nevertheless, I had made the local TV news and was featured in the papers — so teachers and students alike were according me a new measure of respect. Long about lunch, I turned a corner and nearly bumped into Andy Marks. He glared malevolently at me, then he walked away. The Federation has the Klingons. Bond has Goldfinger. Kerrigan has Harding. And I have Andy Marks. There's one like him in every school — Marks was an all-around bully and equal opportunity offender. He led a group of similarly challenged twits who delighted in the pain they caused others. Physically, when they could get away with it. Most of the time, they specialized in taunts, pranks and general cruelty. Just like predators stalking a herd — they had a knack for spotting the weak, the outcast, the emotionally vulnerable. Then they would pick, tease and threaten until whatever sick satisfaction they required was fulfilled. Do I sound bitter? Oh yeah — I had been a regular target of Marks myself, until my senior year. But as I mentioned earlier, I'd picked up several inches in height, and I had become a bit of a jock myself. Once both my size and my status had improved, Marks eased off. Like most bullies, he lacked the courage to face someone who could fight back. Plus, with Sue Wendell on my arm, I felt damn near invincible. So he left me alone. I finished classes and went to the locker room to change for practice. Hal was already there - he waited while I got ready. "You and Sue are looking good together — are you two still as wholesome as ever?" "A gentleman never tells." "Which usually means he's not getting any." "Hey, I've got all I need. Speaking of such things, I've noticed Becky making eyes at you. Any possibilities there?" Hal grinned. He said nothing, but I knew he had a little thing for Becky Barton. She'd broken up with her last boyfriend a couple of months ago and his interest was definitely piqued. Hal and I were both rather shy with girls, so we spent a lot of time speculating about the female of the species. We'd had some dates and kissed a few ladies in our day, but girls were definitely a mystery to us — more so (we thought) than for most guys. I finished lacing up my shoes (which seemed a little loose for some odd reason). We hit the track behind the school, where we met up with the rest of the distance running corps. The sprinters were in the weight room, the jumpers and throwers on the runways — so we had the oval to ourselves. Becky and the rest of the girls finished their stretches (always fun to watch), then we began our workout. I noted with amusement that Becky and Hal did the warm-up jog together. They even looked alike, both tall, slender and with dark hair. They were certainly on their way to couplehood. The centerpiece of my training for the mile was the 400- meter run. Coach Bradford and I had designed a 'ladder' program — where I would run single laps at an increasing pace, trying to build quickness and endurance. Often, I would set myself against a sequence of runners, starting with Hal (whose speed was nearly close to mine), then against the girls -- where a pair of them would run 200- meters each while I did the full 400. This way, we all pushed each other to a higher level of training than we could have achieved on our own. Today, though, I seemed to be struggling a little. Hal almost beat me for the first 400, and I found myself having to reach a bit deeper in the later stages of the workout. I chalked it up to being tired from last night's race — I'd rest a bit and come back stronger tomorrow. That night the phone rang while Mom and I were eating dinner. I picked it up — it was a reporter asking about my race. I spent about 10 minutes recounting the event for her - both play-by-play and background. 'Color', the reporter called it. She was very nice and wished me good luck as we finished the conversation. "So who was that?" my mother asked. "Another local paper?" "Sports Illustrated." And I had the satisfaction of seeing Mom's eyes widen in surprise. Even though she tried to conceal it, I could tell she was impressed. Maybe I was finally getting through to her. "Are they going to do an article on you?" "Nothing that elaborate. It'll just be a couple of paragraphs in the back of the magazine." I played it nonchalantly — I didn't want to oversell it. I'd have to break Ryun's record to get a full page with picture, but even so, just to get mentioned in the nation's premier sporting journal was making me feel as though all my effort was paying off. The next day, though, my practice times were even slower - I felt strong but I couldn't reach my usual speeds. Hal beat me for the first series of 400s and Coach Bradford was a bit concerned. I did a full speed workout mile under the clock — my time was 4:22. Now, I never run as quickly in practice as I do in a race — but I should have been able to get at least 10 seconds faster, even on my own. A little worried, I went home and did the usual shower- homework-dinner routine. By the following day it was clear that something was really wrong. My clothes seemed to be fitting a bit oddly — I wondered if I was losing weight. And during practice — my times were slower yet. Not only was I finishing well behind Hal, but in my run against the girls relay, Becky actually matched my pace for the second 200 meters. There was no way a girl runner, however fast, should have been able to keep up with me. Coach Bradford called me over. "Are there any symptoms at all, Jack?" "No, Coach. That's the weird part. I feel perfectly fine. No soreness or muscle cramps — and I'm not tired. I just can't seem to get up to my normal speed." "I think it's time you saw Doc Gilroy. Something's got to be causing this. If you don't have an injury, it might be mono. We've only got four days before our next meet." The possibility of mono was daunting. The bane of high school athletes, mononucleosis was a blood disorder that completely sapped a teenager of all energy. Someone with mono was in no serious danger as long as they got proper medical treatment. But mono could last for weeks, even months. And kids with mono ended up so exhausted they couldn't even summon the strength to get out of bed, let alone compete in sports. If I had mono, my high school track career was over. So it was with some trepidation that I made an appointment with the doctor. Despite the town's small size, Milford actually had a pretty respectable medical clinic. Headed up by Doc Gilroy, the staff had a good reputation and was well liked by the community. The Doc, as everyone called him, was a classic version of the country physician, with silver hair, a kind, patient face and a reassuring bedside manner. He poked and prodded at me for a while, making little jokes and asking about my symptoms. I mentioned mono — he said not to jump the gun (an apt track analogy), and drew some blood. The clinic had its own lab and he told me the results would be back the next day. The following morning, Sue and I chatted before class. I was concentrating very hard not to let my worries about running sour our mood as we made a date for the weekend. "A movie again?" I asked her — smiling into her blue eyes. "Sure. We'll rent something from the video store." "Don't you want to go out?" Sue was no couch potato — she usually preferred activities for a date — bowling, class parties, dances, etc. Milford was hardly a cosmopolitan hotbed, but there was often something going on. Of course, I had the usual ulterior motive of any teenage boy. There are a lot of quiet rural roads around town... "Actually, my family's gone until Sunday — they left me behind to housesit for a couple of days — so we'll have the place to ourselves." She smiled at me impishly, then turned and walked away - while I stood there thunderstruck. Was she implying what I hoped she was? Of course, I wouldn't presume to know the mind of a girl. Still, maybe she really was ready... It was with a lighter heart that I went to the clinic for my follow-up appointment. I was surprised to find my mother there — apparently, the doctor had called her in. My elation over Sue faded as we both were escorted into the Doc's office. Strangely, Doctor Wilson was in his office as well. An attractive, 40-ish woman with short blond hair, she was the town OB/GYN. Why would she be here? The Doc entered the room. Both had serious looks on their faces, yet they didn't seem to radiate too much tension. "I take it it's not mono." I said. "The tests came back negative." he replied. My mother spoke, a look of fear on her face. "It's not something terminal, is it?" Doc smiled. "No, nothing like that. Jack is in excellent health. But I'd better let Doctor Wilson explain." The woman spoke for the first time. "Have you heard of Gender Biomorphism?" "Sure." I responded. "It's that weird syndrome that turns boys into gir- Oh my GOD!" I fell back into my chair. I managed to gasp out: "Don't tell me..." "I'm afraid so, Jack." Dr. Wilson replied. "The tests confirmed it — the transformation is already well underway." I was in utter shock. I couldn't even begin to grasp this. HIV or cancer would have been less stunning. I'd never even considered this. I was going to be a... a girl? No freaking way! Frozen in place, I felt like I was disconnected from my body. I could hear the conversation continue — but as if from a great distance. "Are you sure?" my mother asked. "I've not heard of a case around here." Doctor Wilson replied. "Jack is the first in the entire county. As soon as we got the results from the initial run we rushed them to Syracuse. They verified it independently. Jack is becoming female — same as the others." The others. Dear Lord. Gender Biomorphism, or GB for short, had been around for several years now. The first cases had been documented in such sterling publications as the National Enquirer and Weekly World News. Gender-bending was long a staple of the supermarket tabloid set. Most folks, including myself, just laughed. But when the Center for Disease Control verified the existence of the phenomenon, everyone took notice. By the time the 60 Minutes crew did their profile, no one was laughing anymore. I tried to remember what I had heard. Somewhere around 6000 boys across the country had been affected — with a few hundred more each month. There was absolutely no pattern - nothing to track its spread. GB could show up anytime, anywhere. It was just one of its many mysteries. Girls were not affected, only boys changed. And only teenagers seemed to fall victim — there had been no recorded cases in anyone over 18. My mother had a shocked look on her face. "How... how long does he have?" I realized it was like asking the doctor how much time I had to live. I felt the same way. "The transition should be complete in about 3 days. As you may know, it's a gradual process until the final stage. The body prepares slowly at first — chromosomal, skeletal, etc. Then, it's like an asymptotic curve — the more dramatic, visible changes happen in just a couple of hours." Dramatic. Visible. That would mean... breasts. Among other things. Oh, God, no. I felt myself grow dizzy as my breathing increased. The doctors quickly had me lower my head and gave me some water. My hands were shaking — I glanced at my mother. Her face was drained of color, and I wondered if she was feeling faint, too. After I calmed down, I was ready to continue. "How?" I asked. "You mean how did you get it?" Dr Wilson looked at me. I nodded. She continued. "We don't know. As you may already be aware, GB has defied the best scientific minds on the planet. There is no common vector, no path for us to follow — so there is no way to predict where it strikes next, or why." "Is there anything that can be done?" "No. We've tried a variety of responses on other boys - hormone and gene therapies, metabolic rate reductions, and so on. Nothing works, nothing even delays the impact. No matter what the treatment, every boy affected becomes female." And so I asked the final question. "How female?" Dr Wilson paused for a moment and looked at me sympathetically. "Completely. In fact, after GB has finished with you, there will be no way for even a doctor to tell you were once a boy." I sat there in a state of glum amazement. The Doc spoke. "There's no easy way to put it, Jack. I've known you and your Mom for many years so I know how strong you both are. Here's a time when you will need that strength." He spoke again. "Jack, the reality is this — by Monday you will be a girl." Silence among all four of us. It was just too bizarre to comprehend. "So how do we prepare?" my mother finally asked. "I've already made arrangements for Jack to be enrolled in the Gender Reorientation Seminar up in Syracuse." Dr Wilson replied. "You mean Girl School?" I snorted derisively. "That's the colloquial phrase for it — but don't mock it. GRS is a valuable tool in helping you to transition." I'd read about GRS as well. After it became apparent that GB was not going away, and was impacting an increasingly larger number of boys, many states set up special facilities for those affected. At first, GRS clinics were just isolated places to endure the physical change in private, away from the media and other vultures. Later, more sophisticated support services were added, including psychological counseling and even training in such feminine activities as cosmetics and hair-styling. Hence the derogatory name: Girl School. And now I would have to attend. I shuddered. "Will he be in any pain?" Mom asked. She still had a worried look on her face and I was reassured by how much she cared. "None — although there is considerable disorientation during the final stages, no one has reported anything like pain. Chances are, he'll be asleep during the end." 'The end' — good way to put it. They continued their conversation for a few more minutes - setting up the details of where and when I would report to GRS. Meanwhile, I just sat there — still unable to get my mind around it all. In the car, my mother and I were quiet. Both of us remained in a state of shock. There were other emotions at work, too. For me, my shock was mixed with horror. Everything, EVERYTHING, about my life was going to be different. Friends, family, school — hell, even my very voice would... change. And I felt certain it would be a change for the worse. It was just too overwhelming to accept. Like me, I could sense my mother had other feelings besides shock. As I caught her glancing at me, I could see sympathy, worry and... curiosity. I knew she was thinking the same thing I was. What kind of girl would I be? I wasn't sure of the impact of GB on appearance — that is, did the boys affected come out looking like their mothers? I took a long look at Mom while she drove. You know how it is as a teenager — it's next to impossible to judge the attractiveness of one's own parents. I mean, c'mon, who can imagine their folks as real people? They're just Mom and Dad. So for perhaps the first time in my life, I really looked at Mom, the way a male would stare at a female. And I had to admit — she was pretty. Very pretty. About 5'6". Fine, collar-length, medium brown hair, big blue eyes, smooth skin, full breasts... oh God. Would I look like that? I remembered overhearing her bridge-club friends complimenting Mom on her attractiveness. Once, Hal had remarked that my mother was a 'babe' — which gave me the creeps. Kind of like when Candace Bergen played Garth's mom on Wayne's World — and was drooled over by Mike Meyers. I'd felt the same way Garth had — she was my mother, not a... a woman! But now I realized that I might very well end up with a similar appearance. And that really depressed me. I didn't want to imagine myself as a female — but looking at my mother was creating a picture in my mind of what was going to happen to me. We arrived home — I just sat down on the couch, too overwhelmed to move. Mom sat down next to me and put her arms around me. I let her do so. We didn't hug often — but now I suddenly felt a deep need to be comforted. She spoke. "Jack, I'm not going to insult you by saying I understand what you are going through. I really can't imagine what it's going to be like. But I want you to know I love you, I'm here for you and I'll help you in every way I can." "Like taking me bra-shopping?" I said bitterly. "You know that's not what I meant." I sighed. "I know, Mom, and really, I am grateful. It's just too much to accept. I can't even begin to cope with this." "I'll help you — you are my child, whatever your gender, and come what may, I'll accept you for who you are." "That's sweet, Mom, and I know you mean it. But that's the problem. Just who am I? I mean, being a boy, growing up as a guy — that's all I know. More to the point, that's all I want to know." "I'll help you to learn. And you may find — if you give it a chance — you might even like it. I enjoyed being a girl and I've loved being a woman even more. There are advantages, you know." "Like wearing short skirts on hot days?" I said, a bit mockingly. She chuckled. "That's one of the minor ones. Actually, I've always felt there's a certain kind of... magic with femininity that men miss out on. Of course, I might be biased." "Gee, do you think?" I muttered. "Look, Jack, I'm not trying to say things will be the same. We're both realists. Your life will change. Our life together will change — but it doesn't have to be a nightmare. There are worse fates that being an attractive young lady." Maybe she was right. I mean, how bad could becoming a girl really be? Sure, I'd need some new clothes and new running shoes and... Oh no. Running. And suddenly it came crashing down on me. Now I knew why my workout times had been getting worse. I was turning into a girl. And girls are slower than boys. A lot slower... That meant that I, too, would be slo... oh God. I sprinted for my room and fired up my computer. I'd long since memorized the high school, national and world records for men's track and field. I could tell you the history of who had been the world's fastest miler for the last century. I was nearly as expert on all the other events, too, from the 100-meter dash to the javelin throw. Track was practically a religion for me — I'd been running competitively since I was 11. Just like other kids poured over NFL and NBA stats, I studied the IAAF (International Amateur Athletic Federation) record books. And I dreamed of my own name being written in. But I'd never paid much attention to the women's marks. After all, it had no impact on my career. I would never compete against them, so their records were not a goal for me. But as I got on-line and looked at the side-by-side comparisons, I realized with a sinking heart just how different the men's and women's standards were. 100-meter dash: Men, Tim Montgomery: 9.78. Women, Florence Griffith Joyner: 10.49. It got worse as the distances grew. 400-meter run: Men, Michael Johnson: 43.03. Women, Marita Koch: 47.1 And then I came to the mile. I already knew the current men's record, of course — my hero, the god of the mile: Hicham El Guerrouj of Morocco and his amazing 3:43. Then I saw the women's time: Svetlana Masterkova of Russia. 4:12. Jesus Christ. A few days ago, I'd run a 3:59. I was just a high-school boy who had never competed in an international race. And I was already nearly fifteen seconds better than the fastest woman miler ever. In 1954, Roger Bannister of England did what sports physiologists argued could never be achieved — he broke the 4 minute barrier for the mile. In the five decades since then, some 300 men around the world had followed in his footsteps, lowering the record by a remarkable 17 seconds. I'd just joined that elite club myself earlier this week - which only added to my hunger for more. But now... No woman had done it. Not even close. If I became a real girl, then I would never run a sub-four mile again. No matter how hard I trained, how much pain I endured, my body would not achieve such speed. Not as a female. And just like that, all my dreams were gone. I know you may have trouble understanding where I'm coming from — but if you have any athletic background of your own, especially as a kid, you've probably indulged in a little fantasy while working out or competing. You know, pretending you are in the NBA finals against Jordan; catching the winning pass in the Super Bowl; hitting a home run off Randy Johnson in the World Series. It helps to intensify the experience, makes it more fun. And for a lucky few of us, our fantasies can become reality. I'd had many of them during the years of long, grueling workouts. It kept me running — that kind of dreaming. And for track and field athletes, we had our own Super Bowl, every four years. The Olympics. That was the one time where track stars could reach the fame of big league athletes — with names like Bruce Jenner, Carl Lewis, and Michael Johnson. And I had dreamed of joining them — racing El Guerrouj to a gold medal and world record in front of an audience of billions. And best of all, there was a chance — just a chance — it might have come true for me. But now that fantasy was dead. Once I was female, I would be lucky to finish on the same lap as the Olympic men's champion. Even if I ran the mile ten seconds faster than any woman before, I'd still be utterly outclassed by the guys. I felt an emotional pain that seemed to reach my very soul. Maybe... maybe this wasn't really happening. Maybe there had been a mistake after all. Still in my room, I took off all my clothes and studied myself carefully. Like any athlete, I knew my body well. And I couldn't avoid what I was seeing. It had already begun. Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes! It was subtle, but undeniable. There was a definite curve between my waist and my hips that had not been there before. My legs seemed a bit smoother — and higher up, I realized with dismay, there was a hint of puffiness to my chest that was new. Oh, it was nothing dramatic — the average 10-year old girl probably had more, but the nipples were clearly larger and my 'pecs' (such as they were) appeared rounder. As for my face — once I looked closely, I could see my nose and mouth were slightly different. I can't really describe it — but when added to my thinning eyebrows, I was less masculine, more... androgynous. In fact — I thought to my horror — if I put on a wig, I might just pass as a girl already. It wasn't that I suddenly resembled Britney Spears. It was just that when I looked at myself with the knowledge of what was happening, I could now see the preliminary effects of GB. For the moment, the world would still see me as a boy, but that was more due to my walk, my clothes, and my haircut. Take those away, and I could be perceived as... feminine. And the real changes hadn't even kicked in yet! I felt a sense of dismay that reached even deeper than before. I could not deny the evidence in the mirror. The doctors were right, after all — it would soon be impossible to ignore this harsh reality. I really was turning into a girl. I could imagine what was happening inside my body — my chromosomes changing to XX, my body growing smaller, muscles weaker, skin softer. Every breath I took just provided my body with the oxygen it needed to complete the transition — from male to... female. How could this be happening to me? I'm not supposed to be a girl! I never had any desire to be one. I liked my body, my life, my running, my buddies, my girlfriend, my... Oh God — Sue! And now my horror was complete. If... no, when I became a girl, then Sue and I were... finished. I mean — GB doesn't turn girls into boys. That meant Sue and I would be the same sex — we would both be females — and then... Milford is a small, conservative town. There were no Gay Pride parades and no one at school was out of the closet. Of course, I'm sure we had the same percentages of homosexuals as anyplace else — but here it was definitely 'don't ask, don't tell'. So what would I be once I was a girl? I refused to think about boys that way. Would my feelings for Sue make me a... a... lesbian? The thought was too absurd to consider. But I was confident of one thing — Sue was not gay. Once GB was done with me, then there was no chance that Sue and I could have a romantic relationship. And that sent my emotions spiraling down still further. I'd always had great affection and more than a little bit of a crush on her. But since we started dating, my desire for her had increased tremendously. There was the physical part - I mean, I am a teenager — so of course I dwelled in a near perpetual state of elevated hormones. Anything that smacked of femininity was highly erotic for me. But it was more than that with Sue. My previous dates had seemed like formulaic efforts at a ritual — I made the moves until the girl told me to stop, then I politely took her home — hoping to get a little farther next time. But Sue and I, clichÈd though this may sound, had a connection. With Sue, it wasn't about the potential for sex (Okay, there was some of that!) — rather, it was the easy, delightful 'specialness' of our time together. That was why I never felt any pressure to escalate to third base or beyond. When the time was right, we would both know it. No games, no teasing, no manipulation. That's the kind of girl she was. I loved being with her. I loved her. And now, that was lost to me. How could we ever make love if we both had vagi... I felt tears coming to my eyes. At that moment, my mother opened the door to my room. I was still undressed, and she turned away quickly. I picked up a robe. "Don't worry, Mom, nudity won't be an issue for us by Monday." I said harshly. "I just wanted to see if you were okay." she said. "Well, let's see. The 5000 miles I've run in training over the last 4 years are wasted. My athletic scholarships are gone. Sports Illustrated will never call me again. I'm going to have to blow my allowance on make-up and nylons. I'm about to become the laughingstock of the school... and, oh yeah — my beautiful girlfriend will be forced to dump me next week. So I'm just fucking peachy!" She started to walk towards me. I raised my hand to stop her. "I know you mean well, Mom, but I'm not really up for hearing the 'it'll be all right' speech right now. I need some time by myself — please?" She nodded and said, "You know where to find me." Then she shut the door. I got into bed and did something I'd never done before: I cried myself to sleep. That night I had some very unsettling dreams. You've probably had or at least heard of the classic nightmare of appearing in public nude. Freudian theory argues that represents the unconscious fear of having one's privacy or secrets exposed. I'd had the dream myself once or twice before. These dreams were different, though. Yes, I was in public without any clothes on. But this time I was a naked girl. A jumbled set of images ran through my mind — I was in school, or on the track or at a party. But in each scene, two things were common. One, I was nude. And two, I was female. In the dreams, there weren't any physical sensations — just an awareness that I was a girl. Everyone was pointing and laughing at me. I kept getting comments like 'nice rack' or 'cute bush', while I desperately searched for something to wear. Embarrassed, I would frantically look in lockers or my backpack — but all I could find were skirts, dresses and other girl's clothing - which I couldn't bring myself to put on. In one dream sequence, still nude, I managed to locate a pair of boxer shorts and pulled them up, only to watch in dismay as they morphed into a frilly pair of girl's... panties. Pink, no less. Then, topless, trying to cover my breasts, I found myself surrounded by a group of boys who smiled and hooted as they approached me to... I woke up in a cold sweat, the sheets twisted around me. My dreams had unsettled me further — was this to be my destiny as a girl? To be ashamed and disgraced — someone to be mocked? Telling myself, a la 'Dallas', that it was only a dream wouldn't work — for this nightmare was real. Shaken, I headed for the shower — only to freeze when I saw myself undressed. More changes — my nipples were now nearly twice as large as before, the pinkish cones standing up a quarter inch or more from my chest. And the flesh underneath was fuller — still nothing like what a woman would have, but enough to mark what was happening to me. With most of the storms of adolescence behind me, I'd finally acquired a positive image of my body. I was no hunk, but the girls told me I was nice looking — and of course, my athleticism also made me feel proud of what I had. But now I felt betrayed by my body — as if it were turning against me. To lose my shape like this — I felt as though I was losing myself. Yet I was still determined to go to school today. At some level I knew this was my last chance to enjoy my old life as a boy. Mom had already headed into work — her job gave her very little opportunity for time off. I pulled on a T- shirt — and whipped it off again when I saw how it displayed my nipples and... chest. I refused to say the other word. I found a looser, bulkier polo and struggled to get my jeans up past hips that seemed to have widened further during the night. Worse yet was the fact that I had to roll the cuffs on my jeans a couple of times as I sadly noted I was getting shorter. I don't want to convey the impression that I now looked like a girl in drag. I still appeared mostly male — only close observation would show that something was amiss. 'Amiss'. A macabre pun occurred to me — I was about to become 'a miss'. On the bus, a few kids whispered as I sat down — I hoped the changes weren't that obvious yet. But I knew something was up when I got to my locker. More kids were looking at me strangely as I got out my books. I heard a heavy footstep behind me and turned to look up at the looming frame of Big Mark Williams (BMW), our track team's star discus thrower. At six-six, 265, Mark was, as you might expect, a big part of the football team as well. Yet, despite his huge size, he had a reputation as a gentle, albeit laconic, giant. He never picked on anybody — and it was for sure no one picked on him. He put one large hand on my shoulder and said "Sorry, dude." Then he turned and walked away. And I realized my secret was out. Milford is, as I've mentioned, a small town. And as the old joke goes, the only thing that travels faster than light is gossip. In Milford, everyone knew everyone else — there's little anonymity here. Which means if there's a juicy bit of information about, all the folks will get a bite. Someone at the clinic must have leaked. I was certain it wasn't Doctors Gilroy and Wilson — their reputation as professionals was too solid for that. Probably a technician or receptionist — it didn't really matter who had done the talking. What did matter was that everyone at school either knew — or would soon know — the truth: I was about to become eligible for Homecoming Queen. Suddenly I felt a touch on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw that it was Sue. She looked at me for a moment, then glanced around quickly. Tugging on my hand, she pulled me into a vacant classroom. She shut the door, then cupped my chin with one palm and studied my face carefully. There was an expression of curiosity and concern in her eyes. She spoke. "It's true, isn't it?" I nodded slowly, saying nothing. "I can see it now that I know what to look for — oh, Jack..." She was in my arms then, giving me an intense hug. "How... how much longer?" "By Monday, the doctors say." She pulled back and gazed into my eyes. "Does it hurt, is there any pain?" "Not physically," I replied. "I'm so worried for you. I did some reading on-line this morning. There's a lot of material on GB. I hadn't paid much attention to it before now but I guess you're going to be a real girl — as if you were born that way." "Kind of puts a damper on our prom, doesn't it?" I said flatly. "Oh, Jack — there's no way I'm giving up on us. You've always been a nice guy and you've also become the sweetest boyfriend I ever had. You mean too much to me to lose that." "Sue, we won't have a choice. We're both going to be girls - it's not like we can ever make... I mean, be together the way I... we want." "Jack, listen to me. We'll worry about that when the time comes. We both know there's something between us more important than sex. No matter what happens, I'm going to be there for you — I'll help you in every way. No one will ever have the same place in my heart — because... I... love you." Yesterday I would have been elated to hear her say that. Now, the moment was bittersweet — knowing that whatever love we had could not be expressed as we would have chosen. But it was still wonderful to listen to those words from her and I responded in kind. She stepped up to me and gave me a long, lingering kiss that sent shivers across my body. Her tongue probed delicately into my mouth — once, twice. I felt the familiar rush of blood to my groin and the hardness beginning. And then I felt another response, a strange one... a tingling... In my nipples. Oh God — my body was already starting to react like a girl's! I broke off the kiss. "What's wrong?" she asked. Tears forming in my eyes, I reached out to touch her lovely face. "I'm sorry, Sue... I..." Then, almost sobbing, I pushed past her and headed out the door. I just couldn't be with her — knowing that my body was changing to match hers. I felt so saddened, realizing what I was losing. Dazed and confused, I wandered the halls for a while. One advantage of being a senior just a few months away from graduation was that I didn't have to worry much about detention. I wasn't up for class — I wanted some... reassurance. But I wasn't going to find any here. As I passed girls in the corridors, I looked at them — fascinated by their femininity. Of course, I had always been intrigued by girls - but now my perspective was altered. I noticed so many differences I'd never paid attention to before. How they carried their books, the way they touched each other as they talked, the light dangling of wrists. Their body language was so complex and unique — a subtle delicacy about every gesture. Prior to GB, I had simply seen femininity as a package — I just noticed the final results, not all the myriad of details that made girls... girlish. And now I was supposed to be like them? Even when I became physically female, how was I ever going to learn to act like a girl? To move like one? To be feminine not only in body, but in manner and style? It seemed a hopeless task, even if I had wanted to take it on — which, of course, I didn't. I had no desire to be like them. Yet I had no choice. I was going to look like a girl - I could feel it all the way down to my rapidly feminizing bones. I had never, ever felt a sense of doom like this. Even more depressed, my wandering footsteps led me to Coach Bradford's office — adjacent to the gym, for he taught phys-ed during school hours. The coach was an avid researcher on training techniques and sports medicine — his desk was crowded with various journals and books. He was on the Internet as I walked in. I sat down as he looked at me closely. "I take it you know," I said. "The rumor mill's been very busy this morning. How long does the Doc give you?" "Monday," I replied. His eyes widened a bit. "That fast, eh? I'd hoped we could get a couple more meets in before..." "Before you have to issue me a girl's uniform?" I finished. "Something like that. I'm very sorry about this, Jack." There was a disappointed look in his eyes. I knew why. Coach Bradford had enjoyed considerable success with his football teams over the years — but he really loved coaching track — the complex range of disciplines was a challenge that appealed to him. Between jumping, throwing, sprinting, distance and the relays, there was always something new to teach and to learn. Of course, football was where Coach Bradford earned most of his well-deserved prestige — but in me, he had found an opportunity to guide a national-class athlete. The coach had picked me out all the way back in 8th grade, and we'd come a long way together. Each season, we'd set new goals, plotted the training and patiently worked for them. We'd made an effective team — but now, just when it was paying off for both of us, it was gone. "Is there any chance I'll be able to keep my speed?" He shook his head slowly and pointed to his computer. "I doubt it, Jack. I'm no expert on GB, but those who are say there's been absolutely no physiological difference detected between a boy who becomes a girl via GB verses one who was born that way. And as for the speed, I've known for years the distinction between male and female athletes. You know my philosophy on this." I did. Coach Bradford had led a number of girl's teams for Milford and he had a good reputation as a fair and open- minded coach. He really believed that girls and sports were a good combination. But it just wasn't the same as for the boys. "Jack, the inescapable facts are these: girls have 25% less lung capacity than boys and are 40% behind the guys for upper body strength. Added to that is the inefficient skeletal structure caused by wider hips and you have the disparity between even the best-trained female athletes versus the men. Once your... transformation is complete, you'll have the same limitations as any other girl. I've coached track for years and I've always had to account for that in my programs." I just sat there, staring at him. He continued: "My record is loud and clear — I'm an ardent supporter of girl's sports — I've got two daughters myself. Title IX has been a wonderful positive for young women — in fact, it may be of benefit to you." "How?" "You know there have been more than 30 colleges recruiting you. Just because you're going to be a girl doesn't mean that's over. There are plenty of track scholarships for young women at all the top schools. If your speed as a girl is proportional to what you ran as a boy, then you will be in demand as much as ever." "I appreciate what you're trying to say, Coach — but it's not the same thing, is it?" He was silent. Although we didn't speak of it, we both knew what I meant. Before GB, I was a great miler. After GB, I could still be a great miler. For a girl. And that's what made this so hard. That damn phrase: 'for a girl.' No matter how good I might be as a female, I wouldn't be as good as I was before. So, assuming I remained a competitive athlete, I would still be forced to acknowledge it — I could not compete against men. "She's really good... for a girl." Thus, I would be forced into a separate category. An inferior category. To be sure, I was already in a special category as a boy. A 3:59 mile was a spectacular achievement — for a high-school kid. El Guerrouj, the world record holder, could still beat me by 16 seconds. But that was just a step. I had very real hopes to move up — college, track clubs, the Olympics. And if I made it all the way, then I might become the best miler. Not the best high school kid; not the best college runner; just the best. Period. But all that was gone now. As a girl, even if I became an Olympic champion — I would always have the qualifier: Gold Medalist. Women's gold medalist. I know, I know. It's hardly PC. We're supposed to celebrate boys' and girls' athletic achievements as complementary. We're not supposed to notice the girls have to be segregated into an athletic ghetto in order to shine. Example? The US women's soccer team won the first women's World Cup a few years back. The year before, the US men's team finished poorly in the men's World Cup. Many feminists, pundits and coaches touted the relative performances as proof that the women athletes were now superior to the men. The phrase became: 'Girls rule, boys drool, soccer's cool.' I was delighted to see the women win the Cup — and it was great to see girls get so enthusiastic about sports. But for all the hoopla about girl power, nobody ever suggested putting the men's team against the women's on the same field. The results would have been obvious — the women would have been crushed. Everyone remembers tennis star Billie Jean King's defeat of Bobby Riggs back in the '70s — it became an icon of the women's rights movement. But King was at the height of her career at the time, while Riggs was over the hill, well into his 50s. When the athletes are more balanced, the results are much different. In 1998, Martina Navratilova and Jimmy Connors played an exhibition match in Las Vegas. Connors was only allowed one serve per point and had to defend the doubles alleys — while Navratilova got two serves and had less court to protect. The score? Despite the handicap, it was an easy victory for Connors at 6-2, 6-2. And this was arguably the greatest women's player of all time. I love watching the Williams sisters play tennis. They've raised the standard of the women's game to a whole new level. Their grace, power and femininity are a delight to see. But Agassi or Sampras would make mincemeat of them. And society rewards accordingly. Tennis is an exception - most other female pro athletes make a fraction of salary earned by the men. The WNBA is an honorable effort, but there's no way people are going to pay the same money to see Cheryl Swopes as they would to see Jordan, Shaq or Yao. In the more than one hundred Olympic events, only three have men and women competing side by side together: yachting, equestrian and pairs figure skating. In all other sports, the girls have to be on their own — or they wouldn't even qualify. That was now my fate. Coach Bradford and I sat quietly, contemplating the wreckage of all our plans. Then he spoke. "Jack, when you get back next week, I'll put you under the clock — let's see where we are before we plot our next move." "Coach, I have to be honest — I don't think I'll ever run again." I meant it, too. Racing a mile after I turned into a girl would just prove all of the above. "I respect how you feel, Jack — but promise me you'll make one attempt." I looked at him carefully — there was a bit of a gleam in his eye — I knew he had something in mind. "What's going on?" "You'll just have to trust me, Jack. Will you promise?" I didn't even hesitate. Coach Bradford had been my mentor for 5 years — I owed him this. "All right — I'll do one mile after I'm a... after it's over." God — it was still a shock to think it — I was turning into a girl. People just weren't supposed to change sex! It was so surreal. A bit numb, I said goodbye and headed back to the halls. It was there that I spotted Hal and Becky. Much to my delight, they were holding hands. It looked as though their status as a couple was cemented. For a brief moment, I forgot about my own problems — I was glad to see things working out for others. They immediately waved to me and came over. Becky spoke first. "We've been looking all over for you. I can't believe what I heard. Is it true?" "I'm afraid so," I said wryly. "By Monday, you, me and Sue can all get makeovers together." "That's so cool! I mean, I know it's not exactly what you want in your life — but I bet you'll make a terrific girl. We're going to have so much fun." She was bubbling with enthusiasm — there was not a trace of mockery or sarcasm. Amazingly, she saw my turning female as an adventure. Hal grinned at me. "What some guys won't do to get into a girl's panties." Becky punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Behave, boy. Listen, Jack, after you join the superior sex, you can give me all the dirt on how males think. Maybe you can even help me figure this character out," she smiled — pointing at Hal. I was astonished at what seemed to be such a cavalier attitude. I was about to complain to them. But then I realized Hal and Becky were both reassuring me of something - I would still be their friend, come what may. They weren't going to coddle me — because they respected me. And that reassured me quite a bit. We spent a few more minutes chatting about inconsequential matters — it was nice to have a normal conversation without thinking of that feminine Sword of Damocles above me. The bell rang and we made preparations to head to class. Becky spoke again. "Seriously, Jack — I am sorry for what you're going through. But I've got a special feeling that tells me it will all work out in the end. We're on your side." Hal seconded the feeling. "And nobody had better hassle you afterwards, or they'll have me to deal with." I smiled at that. Distance runners like Hal are hardly built like football players — so the idea of him as my bodyguard could only go so far. But he'd been my best male friend for years and I knew he'd really look out for me. Feeling better than I had all morning, I said my farewells and headed down the hall. Of course, all good things must come to an end — I ran into Andy Marks around the next corner. He immediately broke into a large grin, and a mocking expression appeared on his face. He was accompanied by two of his fellow goons (names are irrelevant — call them Rommel and Goering). They quickly formed a triangle, backing me against the lockers. I noticed to my dismay that I was now a bit shorter than them — I'd been taller just a week ago. Adding to the fun, the corridor was deserted - they had me all to themselves. Andy spoke first in a condescending tone. "Well, well — if it isn't MISS Lind." He looked at me closely. "See any tits on her yet, boys?" Rommel and Goering shook their heads. "All in good time, I suppose. I always did think you were a pussy, Jack. Now you've actually gone and proven it." "Fuck off," I snapped, trying to push past them. They held me back easily. "My, my, such language. Not very ladylike, Jack — or should I say Jackie?" "You shouldn't say anything at all, Marks. Assholes are usually very quiet, except when they produce crap." "Still trying to play the tough guy, eh, Jackie? You've gotten mighty big for your britches lately — but you won't be so tough after you're in skirts. No more track star or dream girlfriend. Or are you hoping to turn that Wendell bitch into a lez?" Seething in rage, I started to take a swing, but Rommel and Goering grabbed my arms. Marks spoke again. "You know, you should look me up when the girlie bug is done with you. I'll bet you'll be able to give a hellacious blowjob, what with you being an ex-boy and all." It was my turn. "Why wait, Marks? The way you three hang together, I figure you'd rather get your blowjobs from guys. Or... do you prefer to give them?" His face darkened. "I'm glad this is happening to you, Lind. Once you're wearing panties, then you'll know your place. Me and the boys here will make sure of that. You're nothing but a cunt waiting to happen. And when it does, I'll be ready for you. I'll find you alone and I'll show you what being a girl is all about." "You know, Marks, there are many..." I stopped, shocked. My voice had suddenly cracked. I tried again. "There are..." And I stopped again, moving from shocked to horrified. My voice had changed. High, lilting... female. There were looks of astonishment on all three of their faces — which probably matched my own expression. Once more I tried to speak — forcing my voice lower. It was useless. I sounded like a cross between Sue and Becky. I was at least an octave higher than before — or so I guessed — I didn't have much musical expertise. The three started laughing as I reddened in shame. Marks said triumphantly, "Another step closer. Want to bet she's ready for a bra by noon?" Desperately, I stomped on Rommel's foot, then managed to shove Marks aside as I ran down the hall. Marks restrained his partners-in-slime. "Let her go, boys. I never hit a lady." In tears once again, I sprinted for a door and began the three-mile run back to my house. I just couldn't face any more people. Up to now, I had been in denial about GB at some levels. While I accepted intellectually that I was going to be a girl, emotionally I was unwilling to acknowledge it. By this, I don't mean the struggle I was having over athletics and girlfriends — rather, I just hadn't imagined what having a girl's body would be like physically. But now I could tell. As I ran, the higher pitch of my breathing continued to amaze me. I tripped slightly as I crossed a sidewalk — the gasp I gave was utterly girlish. My shirt rubbed against my nipples, which felt raw in a new way. And worst of all, I could sense a bit of... jiggle in my chest as I bobbed along. At least my endurance was okay. Running three miles consecutively was part of my regular training anyway. I had an intense need to be alone. The humiliation I'd endured from Marks and his rent-a-twits was based on a still larger sense of shame echoing through me. The shame of being a girl. Now we're venturing into really dangerous territory. Four decades of ever- increasing political correctness permeating all society should have prevented me from even thinking that girls were inferior — save for the special category of sports. But let human nature will out. I remember an exercise a teacher had given to a class of grade-school kids. Imagine yourself, she said, as the opposite sex for one day. What would you do? The girls in the class wrote imaginative essays, seeing themselves as boys, using their newfound strength for all sorts of adventures — especially as a force for good. On the other hand, every boy had the identical response: "No way would I ever be a girl, even for a day." The reality of the human condition is inescapable — no matter how far women's rights might advance, no matter how progressive the education, most males will always perceive femininity as a synonym for weakness. Oh, men can and do respect women's positive attributes of intelligence, determination and even emotional power. But the body — therein lies the rub. A female body is so dramatically smaller and more fragile than a male's. Men fear weakness and its cousin, vulnerability. As a result, men find the whole notion of being feminine distasteful and even frightening. And with this kind of thinking it's no wonder men seek to avoid anything that associates them with womanhood. But I could not avoid it. That point was proven still further as I arrived home and locked myself in the bathroom. Once again, I took off my clothes. Once again, I inspected my body. Once again, I could see I was yet more female. My face was now more than androgynous, it was becoming effeminate. My nose was smaller and starting to turn up at the tip. My chin was more pointed and my eyes appeared larger. Lips were fuller, mouth wider. My short haircut could no longer prevent me from looking a bit like a girl. It got worse as I went lower. My nipples were swollen and stood out from my chest even more than this morning. And I also had what might be called breast buds. I'd never seen a pre-adolescent girl undressed of course, but I suspected my chest looked like what a girl might have when she wore her first training bra. As for the manly hydraulics, my scrotum seemed to press more closely against my body and my penis was (I realized with a sinking heart) — much smaller and less 'independent' — almost as if it were blending in with the scrotum. And overall, my frame appeared more... delicate. I never had bulging muscles — a miler didn't want the extra weight — but I had filled out some in my shoulders over the last year. That was gone now — I looked like I was 14 again. And so I started to cry — which I'd done more times in the last 24 hours than I had in the previous 24 months. Perfectly normal — for a girl. That fact unnerved me further and became a cycle. The more I cried, the more I realized how emotional I was becoming. And the more I perceived my new emotions, the more I cried — until I was weeping — soft, feminine sobs that further underscored what was happening to me. After about 10 minutes, I managed to get some control and splashed cold water on my face. It was only noon, but I went to bed. Partly because I was exhausted, and partly because I wanted to shut out the world. I must have been asleep for many hours before my mother woke me with a gentle shake. It was dark out, so she turned on the light. And she gasped when she saw me. I didn't have a mirror — but I could guess what she was seeing — still more progress on the road to womanhood. "Oh, Jack — I was worried about you. They called me from school when you didn't show up for class." I replied, "You can see why I left. Just look at me!" I sounded like a little girl about to have a fit. Her eyes widened at the soft feminine tone of my voice. She gently ran her finger along the curve of my jaw. "It really is happening to you. I still have trouble believing it — it's so hard for me to imagine my son as my daughter. You're going to be so pretty — but I guess that's not what you want to hear right now." "You got that right. Oh, Mom, how am I going to deal with this?" "By knowing that I love you and I'll be by your side. The one advantage is that I know everything there is to know about being a girl. At least I'll be able to identify with much of what you are feeling." "Not everything." "No, not everything. I can't imagine what it would be like to turn into a man. I know I'll never fully understand all that you are going through — the very act of changing sex — but I can help you cope with a girl's body. I still have this feeling that you might get to like it. "I can't see how, Mom. I like myself just fine now. I don't WANT to like any part of being a girl." "Because you feel that being a girl is a step down?" She had me there, but I didn't want to give it to her. "Jack, if I could prevent this from happening to you, I would. Having said that, if this becomes an opportunity for just one male to learn to respect females without being condescending — then at least a little good may come from it." There was a sharp tone to her voice. I stopped for a moment and tried to think of her perspective. "It's really hard to be a woman, isn't it?" She looked at me kindly. "Hard, yes, sometimes. The sexism, the prejudice is daunting. But it's incredibly rewarding as well. If I were offered a chance to be accepted as truly equal to men, but at the price of surrendering my femininity, I'd turn it down. That's how much I love being a woman." I sighed. "I don't think I'm ever going to feel the same way, Mom." "I can see how you would think that now — you're still in transition. But once the change is complete, and the magic of girlhood is yours, you may see things in a different way." "Let's hope so. Because I definitely don't like how I see things now." We hugged then — and I had to admit that at least I was feeling closer to my mother than I had for a long time. I just wish the price weren't so high. I slept fitfully for a few more hours. I awoke to a bright, sunny Saturday morning — completely at odds with my mood. Today was the day for me to head off to Girl School, excuse me, GRS. I sure as hell didn't want to go, but I knew time was running out. In the mirror, I could see my skin was getting smoother and my Adams apple was gone. It was hard for me to use the toilet now — most of the underside of my penis seemed to be fused to my scrotum — I could barely control the direction. As for my face, no one would see me as a young man anymore. At best, a pre-adolescent boy, if not outright a girl. I got into the car with Mom and we began the long drive to Syracuse. I didn't pack any clothes — why bother? By Monday, nothing I owned would fit. We were silent for most of the trip. I felt as if I were being driven to prison, or basic training or some similar doom. After an hour winding our way through the rolling hills and farms, we arrived at a nondescript office park near the Syracuse University campus. I could see the vast bulk of the Carrier Dome — Syracuse was the only college in America to have an indoor football stadium. I looked at the huge facility with nostalgia — I'd run track meets there. Not any more. I was surprised at the security — there were gates, guards and brick walls — all low key, but very professional. They needed it, though. In addition to intrusions from the media, GRS facilities had been attacked by religious zealots and other assorted nuts. To many, GB victims were freaks of nature, abominations against God. And to some, GB girls needed to be confronted, contained as if they... we... were threats to humanity, straight out of the X- Files. We were checked in and directed to a low, three story, modern building. Mom got out of the car with me and prepared to walk in. I stopped her. "I need to do this on my own, Mom." "Are you sure?" "Yes." I didn't want to have anyone I knew witnessing what I was about to go through. Not even my mother. She nodded, then gave me a huge hug. "I'll be back on Monday." "Thanks, Mom. Be sure to bring me some panties." I said that with a smile on my face — a mixture of the sardonic and the fatalistic. She looked at me intensely. "You're going to be all right, Jack Lind. I raised you to be strong, and that's what you are." I gave her another hug then headed up the stairs. It occurred to me that I was walking into this building as a boy. But when I walked out, I wouldn't be! Who's That Girl? Trembling a bit, I stepped into the lobby, where I was greeted by a smiling young woman, who took my name, then led me to a small lab. As I followed her, I noticed how her hips rounded out her white uniform dress very nicely. I found myself wondering if I would look the same. I filled out a lot of paperwork and presented more documentation from Doctors Gilroy and Wilson. Then I was given a quick physical — and they drew some blood. Everyone was very kind and patient with me. Finally, I was taken to what appeared to be a classroom with a dozen seats and a lectern up front. About half the seats were occupied by boys? ... girls? I really couldn't tell. I took a seat for myself while checking out those around me. Some looked at me shyly; others turned their heads in embarrassment. All of them were definitely victims of GB — they were feminized to one degree or another. In a few cases, I could see what were clearly breasts (albeit small ones) pushing out their shirts. Others were not as far along — but they also had faces that were too gentle for masculinity. None of these people could be considered truly male, even if they weren't quite girls yet. The worst part was realizing that I fit into this crowd just fine. The boy next to me leaned over and extended a hand — when I shook it I felt as though I was almost holding Sue's hand — his was nearly that delicate. "Todd Mackenzie," he introduced himself with a soprano voice even higher than mine. "Jack Lind," I replied. "The miler?" he said, seemingly impressed. "Not so much anymore. I'm surprised you've heard of me." "I go to Binghamton High. I ran on their cross-country team last year. All the coaches know about you — you're the most famous athlete from these parts in, like... forever." "That's about to change. Probably for the best. The last thing any of us need right now is more attention." "You said it," he responded. "This really sucks doesn't it?" "Absolutely. Worst part is, I've got no idea how to be a girl — even if I wanted to." "Well, I do know something about it. I have four sisters and I'm the only boy." "Oh, God," I said sympathetically. "How is everyone taking it?" "My dad's totally freaked, as you can imagine. Losing his only son and all. My sisters think it's great, of course — as if my house weren't girly enough already." "And your Mom?" "She's neutral — she just wants to make sure I'm okay." "That's cool. At least your sisters can help you adjust." "Don't be too sure that's a good thing. They're already plotting makeovers and how to doll me up. They've got all kinds of frilly outfits they want me to dress up in." There was look of repugnance on Todd's rather cute face. "Does living with them give you any insight as to what being a girl is all about?" "Sometimes I think so. Other times, I think I could live with them for a hundred years and not understand them." "Well, I'll bet you'll understand them better by next week." "All too true. This will sound silly, but one thing I liked was being able to easily sort my clothes from theirs on laundry day. Now, I'll have to wear the same things they do — so everything will be mixed up." He shuddered as we both had a vision of him accidentally pulling on panties belonging to one of his sisters — and having them fit. While we were talking, several others had taken seats around us — there were now ten of us in the room. All conversation stopped when a 30-ish woman with medium-length red hair and a charcoal-gray business suit came in and stood at the lectern. "Good morning, folks," she began. "My name is Janet Barlow and I want to welcome you to the Gender Reorientation Seminar. We use the acronym 'GRS' to refer to this program — though you've probably heard terms like 'Girl School' or 'Cunt Class' or some other such nonsense." I jumped a little at her blatant use of vulgarity. I'd never heard an adult, particularly a woman, express herself in front of me that way. "Got your attention, didn't I?" She continued. "I do apologize, but there's one rule about this program that's absolutely imperative: honesty. My staff and I will be straight with you about everything. That can sometimes be a hard challenge — for we don't pull any punches here. We're going to tell it like it is, because if we do any less, you won't be prepared for what you're about to go through. "Our goal is straightforward — to help you adjust to your new sex and all that goes along with it. We've guided nearly 250 boys to girls through this facility alone and we have a lot of experience and feedback. Our charter requires - and our professionalism demands — that we do all we can to get you through this. "Why? Here's the first harsh reality you'll need to face. Although some 6000 boys across the country have been transformed, that's less than 1/10th of one percent of the population of America. Because the number of transformees is so small in comparison, that means society is not going to change to accommodate you — you are going to have to change to accommodate society." She paused and looked at each of us in turn. "If GB were affecting 10-20% of all males, it might be a different story. If that many men were becoming women — the very concept of how we define femininity would change. But that's not the case here. Each of you will have to match the current cultural expectations of being a girl. If not, you'll find yourselves frustrated, isolated and ostracized." We were silent at that while she continued. "Don't think us unsympathetic — we all wish you were not going through this. We know none of you want to be here. But it is imperative you understand that you are going to be young women and you will have to behave accordingly. "Now for the good news. This program is not about forcing femininity down your throat. We not going to make you put on party dresses, wear nylons, or teeter around in high heels." There seemed a palpable sense of relief in the room. "Yes, there are classes on makeup, hairstyling and so forth — but they are voluntary. The only mandatory classes are on physiology and hygiene — which are essential for good health. Everything else is optional." One 'boy' raised his hand. "Then why have them?" Ms. Barlow replied, "Because some of you are the children of single dads, who are not going to be able to acquaint you with the basics of day to day femininity. And even for those of you with in-house mothers and sisters — you may still be reluctant to turn to them. Fact is, teenage girls spend a lot of time with fashion and appearance and you will be in a better position to fit in if you know what's going on. "Which leads to my next point. It's very important for you to understand that being a girl is not about cosmetics, perms and skirts. You may have a vision of girlhood as being focused on nothing but image. That just ain't true. To be sure, there are all kinds of cultural connotations typically associated with being a girl. And you are going to have to live up to many of them. "But, here's the key point — there are as many ways to be a girl as there are girls. Some girls are into make-up and clothes big time — others pay little attention to the whole thing. We just want you to know what your options are." I raised my hand. "But you just warned us that we're going to have to act all girly to fit in. It almost seems like you are contradicting yourself." She smiled. "In every class, there's always someone who brings that up. It's a good point. Here's the distinction. After you finish your transformation, it's up to you to figure out your style as a girl. You may like short hair, jeans and playing football. Or, you may find you like pretty dresses, frilly underwear and ballet." "Fat chance of that," I muttered. Ms. Barlow smile grew broader. "You'd be surprised — more on that later. But here's the gist of what I'm saying. You can be any kind of girl you want..." She paused for emphasis. "As long as you remember you ARE a girl. "The worse mistake someone affected by GB can make is to pretend they're still a boy. Wearing pants and getting a crewcut isn't going to change what you are. Trust me on this — based on all the others who've come before you. The surest path to misery is to deny what has happened. You can be into sports, be into gory computer games, be into MTV's 'Jackass'. Be into whatever — but do it as a girl." Todd spoke up. "But that seems so impossible! The only way to do that would be to accept being a girl in the first place. I don't know if I ever can." Ms. Barlow replied. "Let me give you some hope here. About 75% of the boys who go through this reach a point where they enjoy being girls as much as they enjoyed being boys. The length of time to get there varies — months or even a year, but it does happen. That doesn't mean they think they are better off as girls, but they are just as fulfilled and content with their new gender as with their old. If you offered them a chance to go back — some might take it, but not without regrets. Todd asked, "So it evens out?" "For those 75%, yes. They do find happiness as females, although they don't see one gender or the other as better. The things they like about girlhood cancel out the things they miss about boyhood." "What about the rest?" Ms. Barlow grinned. "For about 20%, they end up enjoying their new sex in a big way. They love being female and would never change back. Once they get a taste of femininity, they become true girly-girls — rather quickly. Weeks, or even days." "You're kidding!" Todd exclaimed. "Nope. For those 20%, the biggest question they have is 'How did I ever put up with being a boy?' — for obvious reasons, they have the easiest adjustment." "You mean they wanted to be girls?" "Not necessarily. While some may have had a subconscious desire to be female, most were amazed at their reaction. Once they had a girl's body, they found themselves at home in a way they never expected. It's actually rather fun to watch them. They all say 'Oh my god, I'm a girl... and... and I like it!'" I did the arithmetic. "What about the remaining 5%?" Ms. Barlow grew serious. "Time for more honesty. The final category of GB transformees is thankfully the smallest. They are the ones who never fully make the mental leap from male to female. No matter how much time and effort one of these kids puts in, she'll always feel as though she's a boy trapped in a girl's body." "I know which category I'll be in," one of the others said bleakly. "Oh no," Ms. Barlow responded. "There's absolutely no predicting who will turn out as what. We've had macho football jocks come through here, completely distraught, and found themselves happily shopping for prom dresses a month later. And we've had young men who were effeminate or outright gay really struggle with being girls. There's no rhyme or reason to this — so don't lock yourself into a mindset just yet. In a class of this size, I'd wager all of you will come to be delighted or at least content with your impending femininity." There were expressions of doubt on all the faces around me. I was sure I mirrored them. "Okay, I know you are all skeptical — all I can say is give it a chance. You may be pleasantly surprised. In the meantime, our next speaker is Doctor Christine Turley. She'll be telling you about what's happening to your bodies." An older woman, maybe in her 40's entered. She had short dark hair and was wearing a lab coat. There seemed to be something of a stern manner about her. "I like to get right down to it," she began. "Each one of you is going to be a girl — complete by every biological standard. You will have wider hips, narrower waists, smaller muscles. You'll grow breasts, ovaries, and a uterus. You'll develop a vagina — along with a clitoris. You will have to sit to urinate. You will have a woman's menstrual cycle — i.e. periods. You all will have PMS to one degree or another. Your sexual arousal will be female in nature — swelling of your vulva, breasts and nipples, lubrication of your vagina. Your sex drive will be that of a woman — including intense female orgasms that are quite different from a man's. If a male ejaculates inside you, you can — and most likely will — become pregnant. If you deliver a baby, your breasts will give milk. And some decades from now, you will all experience menopause." Everyone was utterly still — the room filled with an atmosphere of silent horror. Then she smiled, rather wryly. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Several of us actually gasped. Of course, I knew in theory all that was going to happen to me — but to listen to her spell it out was unnerving. I'd have to wear tampons inside my...yuck! I could become pregnant, labor pains and all. Worse yet was contemplating HOW I could get pregnant. The idea of a boy using his... penis to enter my body? Eeeeeeeeewwwww! "It's important for you not to have any illusions — none of you will retain any hint of male physiology. Each person in this class is transforming into a girl, and will grow up to be a woman. Denying that is pointless. The sooner you accept what's happening to your bodies, the sooner you can begin to accept things mentally. "Now let me give you some history. Gender Biomorphism, or GB, has been around for just under three years. The first 5 cases appeared simultaneously in 5 different states. It took the CDC about 2 months to identify the phenomenon, by which time more than 150 additional boys were affected. Since the beginning, there have been over 6000 cases documented in America, along with another 500 overseas. Needless to say, the first wave of GB girls had a very traumatic time. Dozens of teenage boys found themselves turning into females with no warning — leaving them completely in shock. There were no support systems and the media sensationalized what was happening to the poor kids. Sadly, twenty of the newly created girls committed suicide. But the development of GRS and a general acceptance in society of the existence of GB has eased the pressure of transition. There hasn't been a suicide in over a year. "No one knows how GB operates, or how it proliferates. The CDC has done intense epidemiological studies and proven that it is not spread by direct contact — GB is not contagious. There is absolutely no evidence of a bacteria or virus causing the change. We can only identify the presence of GB by looking for metabolites in the bloodstream — agents normally found in females." We sat, raptly listening to Doctor Turley's briefing. "The current theory is that GB operates in three phases. First, as you may recall from basic biology, males have an XY chromosome pattern. GB alters that to female XX in a matter of days. That's really not such a big deal in itself. In fact, if that were the extent of GB, the result would probably not even be visible." I spoke, "Why isn't the chromosome change so important?" "Because the impact of the XX/XY is greatest on a developing fetus — influencing the hormonal balance in the amniotic sac — guiding the baby to male or female. By the time a child nears adulthood, the sex of the body is fixed - for the most part. However, your change from XY to XX does lay a foundation for the rest of GB — so that any future cell growth in your body is based on a female matrix. "Phase two of GB, for want of a better layman's term, is organ cloning. That is, your body draws upon existing tissues and literally incubates a female reproductive system, along with modifications to brain and endocrine structures. As an example, ovaries are forming in your abdominal cavities — the testes provide the raw material. Similar functions occur as your penises become vaginas and clitorises while your scrotums become vulvas. The uterus and fallopian tubes germinate from the unused penile protoplasm." She continued. "However, not even that would give you a woman's body — for you would still have the skeletal structure, the height and appearance of males. This is where the third and least understood phase of GB comes into play. As the final step, GB somehow 'sculpts' your frame from the inside — reducing your height, reshaping your bones, especially the pelvis, and feminizing your faces and muscles." "Any theory as to how?" Todd asked. "Yes. Nanotechnology. The first two phases of GB — the change in chromosomes and the switch of reproductive organs - do occur elsewhere in nature, particularly in some species of fish. But the effect of GB's third phase is unprecedented anywhere on the planet. We believe a mechanical function is at work here — surgery at the cellular level to produce the final result." "But that would mean GB is... artificial." I said slowly. "That is the current thinking. And we have one definitive piece of evidence." We waited for her to finish. "Every boy affected by GB finishes the transformation with long hair, shoulder length or more." It took me a moment to figure it out. Then I said, "There's no biological reason for long hair on girls." "Correct. Hair length is purely a cultural phenomenon — not tied to gender in a physical way. So if GB is producing long hair, it must be by design." "You mean someone is doing this on purpose?" Todd said in a stunned tone. "That's our conclusion. There is other evidence — every boy seems to come out as an unusually attractive female version of himself. And the high rate of successful adjustment to girlhood (75% + 20%) implies other changes to brain chemistry. But it's the hair length that really makes the case for deliberate planning." "But isn't nanotechnology just getting started?" I asked. "For most researchers, yes. But someone out there appears to be 'pushing the envelope'. This is a very new conclusion and has not been much discussed publicly. After all, there's absolutely no proof — it's like the early days of HIV — we can't take a picture of the bacteria / virus / nanobot." "But who? And why?" Todd inquired. "Believe me, that is the subject of the most covert and intense international investigation ever conducted. Scientists, doctors, universities, federal agents, detectives, law enforcement and intelligence agencies — everyone's trying to figure this out. One key clue was the initial appearance of GB — five different locales at once. I suspect we'll learn the existence of teams that are deliberately selecting and 'infecting' boys across the country — the 6000 so far may be a random sampling of the young male population to measure the success of GB." Success? Good Christ! The idea that someone may have intentionally inflicted GB upon me filled me with anger. My dreams, my very manhood was being taken from me. I was about to be condemned to a lifetime of wearing panties and having periods! And all for a damned experiment? If I ever got my hands on those responsible, I'd... Then I looked down at my slender, nearly hairless arms. I'd what? Scratch their eyes out? Yank their hair? It's not like I could assert myself physically — after all, I'd just be a girl. I had the most unusual mixture of rage and depression I'd ever felt. The atmosphere in the class had become decidedly frosty, as we contemplated what we had just been told. My own emotions were reflected in the faces of the other 'boys'. I have to use the quotation marks because most of them were looking more feminine with each passing moment. It had been hard enough to accept GB as a natural, albeit freakish, occurrence. But to realize that this had been done to us on purpose made it even worse. I felt more helpless than ever. Dr. Turley resumed. "I sympathize with your feelings. Even though I'm not going through what you are, I'm angry too. I'm a medical professional and the thought of those poor girls who committed suicide as a consequence of someone playing God with their bodies goes against everything I stand for. That's why I'm so determined to help you cope. "So let's talk about what's next. You all are entering the final phase of GB. The foundation has been laid — your chromosomes have already changed to XX, your female sexual and reproductive organs are taking shape and your physiques are becoming more female. Once a threshold has been crossed, the effects of GB accelerate greatly. You'll become very sleepy and feel a strong need to rest. During this time, the last changes occur — including the full growth of your breasts, the final configuration of your vaginas and your faces will become completely feminine. While a few of you may be partially awake, most of you will be unconscious during this time. There is no pain." "How long does this take?" Todd asked. "About one to two hours. By the way, that has been considered as more evidence for deliberate design of GB. There are no known biological processes that can produce so much change so quickly. There are species of fish and insects that spontaneously switch sex — but only over a much longer period of time." "And how long do we have left?" another 'boy' asked. "All of you will finish changing over the next 24-72 hours. Some of you will be female by dinnertime." We were quiet as we realized there was no escaping our fate. Dr. Turley spoke again. "Okay. I've thrown a lot at you. Now, I'd like to introduce our next speaker. Please welcome Erin O'Donnell." Another woman — no, a girl walked into the room. She was quite young — 16 or 17 at most. She had fine dark hair that reached to the small of her back. She was wearing a casual black skirt, rather short, and a white blouse — filled out by a very respectable set of breasts. Her long legs were smooth and bare — socks and flats completed her clothing. Instead of standing at the lectern, she pulled a chair to the front of the class and sat down. I also noticed she was very good-looking. At least there was still enough male in me to appreciate a lovely girl — even if I couldn't do much with her any more. She smiled at us winningly. "Hi! As Dr Turley indicated, my name is Erin. I'm a junior at Onandaga High — about 20 minutes away. I know you are going through some pretty amazing changes, and I'm here to help you with that." Todd spoke, "How?" "Because three months ago, I was sitting in one of your chairs." She paused for a moment while we drew the obvious conclusion. Todd continued, "You mean you used to be a..." "Boy? Yep — my name was Eric, I played lacrosse and I loved to watch pro wrestling." I was amazed. This was the first time I'd ever met anyone who'd been through GB all the way. She seemed so feminine — not just her very attractive body, but also her mannerisms. If anything, she appeared to be a bit more girly than average. In a million years, I never would have guessed she was once a boy. "Believe me, I know exactly what you are feeling. When I first learned I had GB, I was horrified. I wasn't a stud, but I was 6'2, 190 and had no interest in being female. I liked girls, of course, both as friends and romantically — but I never saw myself becoming one. So I was convinced that GB would destroy my life. I'm here to tell you that I was wrong. There is life after GB." "What kind of life?" I asked. "A lot better than I ever imagined. The one thing that surprised me most was just how much... fun it is to be a female. I'd never expected that the day-to-day routine of girlfriends, boyfriends and simple femininity would be so fulfilling. It's different, I'll grant you that, but it's pretty special." "I take it you're one of the 20%." Todd said. "Not really — although I may be closer to the cusp than average. I don't believe that one sex or the other is innately superior. What I do believe is that being a girl is very rewarding in its own way — if you give it a chance." "Would you go back?" I asked. She stopped to consider for a moment. "Probably not. I do miss the physical prowess I had as a boy — but if I were to change back, I'd miss a lot more from the girl side of things." "But you're, what, 5'7" and 120 pounds now?" "I'll claim the height — never ask a lady her weight." "Sorry. It's just that you're so much smaller and weaker as a girl. Aren't you afraid of boys and what they can do to you?" "It's true that I'm vulnerable to boys in a way I obviously wasn't before. But I have power over boys myself." "How so?" I pressed. Erin didn't answer me. Instead, she just uncrossed and then re-crossed her lovely legs. She took her time doing so, and I found myself fascinated by the view up her short skirt. Drawing the motion out, the pretty girl briefly (no pun intended) revealed her very cute white lace panties to the class. She smiled at us and I suddenly reddened as I realized she had flashed us on purpose — and I reddened still further as I noticed every boy in the class had stared, transfixed, while she had done so. "Does that answer your question?" she asked amusedly. "Yeah, I guess," I replied, somewhat embarrassed. "So now you see. A girl can instantly command the attention of just about any boy — and she can get him to do all sorts of favors. All she has to do is act a little sexy or flirty, and boys will be putty in her hands. It works even better if she's a babe, as all of you are likely to be. "So, does that make everything even out? For me, yes. I know boys are much stronger than I am — but that strength is of little value to them, since society won't condone its use against me. After all, I'm a girl — and it's very wrong for a guy to hurt a girl. Truth be told, I was attacked more in the seventh grade, when I was a smaller-than- average boy. As a girl, particularly a cute one, you can inspire a chivalry in guys that works to your advantage." She continued. "What I can tell you is that every one of you has the potential to have a great life as a girl. The key is patience. When I completed the transition, and saw myself as female for the first time, I couldn't imagine how I would cope. But I had a lot of help from my family and friends. During the initial seven days or so, I slowly got to know my body and I found the more time I spent as a girl, the more natural it felt. Yes, it seemed bizarre at first to have breasts, but a week or two later, it felt somehow... right... to have them. Same thing with the rest of me. There's an analogy I can try here. If you've know someone who had a nose job, there comes a time when they feel as though they've always looked that way. They actually forget what they looked like before. The mind is very adaptable." We all started to ask questions. "What was it like going back to school?" "The first couple of days were very strange, of course — especially using girls' bathrooms and so on. And yeah, I was teased a bit. But then something very interesting happened. If you look like a girl, dress like a girl and act like a girl, most people will see you as a girl — and only a girl. After a week, it seemed as though most folks barely remembered me as a boy." "So you dressed up all frilly at first?" "Not too much — I did wear a skirt the first few days. And let me tell you, nothing communicates femininity to yourself and to those around you like wearing skirts and dresses. It's a very female feeling. But I didn't go for some extreme girly-girl look. No pantyhose or crinolines. I just tried to appear as a normal teenager." "Yeah — I saw you kept your hair." "That's a big one. If you're like me, you'll feel as though the first thing you want to do is cut it all off. My advice — hold onto it for a while — you can always shorten it later. But having the long hair — like the skirts — gets the point of your new gender across to everyone — including yourself." "But what if I don't want to 'get the point across'?" "I'd recommend making the attempt anyway — the one thing you can't do is be a boy. You don't want to be in some sexually ambiguous state. You'll suffer a lot more ridicule and you won't change a thing in any case. Wear a skirt, keep the hair and so on — just for a few days. You'll fit in a lot faster and you'll start to feel more feminine as well. After you get settled in, if you want to switch to jeans and pixie cuts — go for it." "What about friends?" "Expect a lot of differences. With the girls, I found myself growing very close to them — I could see things from their perspective. And I found out something else. Girlfriends communicate a whole lot better than guys do. I mean — when I was a boy, I had great friendships with other guys, but the feelings were always assumed — we rarely spoke of them. Girls are much more direct with their support and affection for each other. I really like my circle of female friends — they're one of the big reasons I'd be reluctant to change back." "What about guys?" "I still have very good friendships with boys. But, time to be honest here. You've been male all your lives — and you've had female friends. If she happens to be good looking — then in the back of your mind, you'll have a desire for her. Doesn't mean you ever expect anything to come of it — any subliminal attraction you may have won't get in the way of your friendship with her. But that feeling's always in the background. Most girls aren't aware of this — but since I was a boy for so long, I know how boys think. So, once you are a girl, it does change how you interact with the guys." I thought of Sue. I'd always enjoyed my friendship with her — even in our platonic phase. But I'd had my share of fantasies then, too — I mean, she was so beautiful. If I became a pretty girl, then guys were going to have similar fantasies about me. Oy, vey! "Same question, different topic. What about guys?" Another person was speaking up. "I can't even imagine kissing a boy, let alone having..." "Been there, done that, got the T-shirt." Erin smiled. "When I first changed, I didn't want sex with anyone. I figured at best I'd be a lesbian. But GB seems to produce an interesting effect — you keep your orientation. That is, if you were hetero as a guy — you'll be hetero as a girl. If you were gay, you'll stay that way." "That's so weird — I'd of thought it would be the opposite. I mean wouldn't a gay guy love the chance to be with other guys, once he was a girl?" "That would seem to make sense, but it doesn't play out that way. Sexual orientation appears to be fixed, not malleable. Gays hit by GB still prefer to be with their own sex — which means other girls. And, as I can tell you, straights love the opposite. Once the hormones kick in, you'd be amazed how fast you'll change. It sure did for me." "Maybe you were really gay yourself. Not that there's anything wrong with that." Erin laughed. "Nope, I was always into girls. Literally. I'd had four girlfriends since the seventh grade — and I was no virgin as a guy. But after I spent a few weeks in a girl's body, things seemed to take over." "I can't believe it." Erin stood up. "Time for another demonstration." She walked over to the boy who'd made the comment, then she took him by the hand — they stood together at the front of the class. I noticed the boy had not yet been changed that much by GB. She reached out her hands, cupped his face and began to kiss him. Automatically, his arms went around her. The kiss deepened — she was clearly setting the pace. After a few moments, they were outright necking — with heavy breathing and wandering caresses. One of her hands moved toward his crotch, not quite touching. Emboldened, he reached down to the hem of her short skirt, and began to lift it upwards. All of us were in a state of arousal, watching this scene. Erin gave a soft, feminine gasp as her skirt was raised all the way to her waist, fully revealing the pretty panties she'd teased us with earlier. I noticed the fabric of her very girly underwear was patterned with little blue roses over the white background. Both of them began to push their groins against each other as their passion grew. She made no move to cover up as the boy rubbed her curvy butt through her silky undies. Just when it seemed they were in danger of stripping completely, she broke away from him — panting heavily. He was still focused on her — and with good reason. She took a few moments to collect herself, then she led him back to his chair. It occurred to me that was probably the last time he would ever kiss a girl — as a boy. This was mind-blowing to consider. The lovely girl in front of me — who'd just proven her orientation in a big way (I could see her erect nipples poking against her blouse) — had once been a guy, over six feet tall. He'd played sports, hung out with the boys, even made love to a girl. But now... just look at him... her! Still a little breathless, she turned to the class. "The biggest challenge you're going to face when it comes to your sexuality as girls is not how to be attracted to boys, but rather, how to stop in time. As a girl, it will take a bit longer for you to become aroused — but once you do, it's very hard to resist. A female body can be very demanding — it's all too easy for a girl to just get carried away. If I'd gone that far with him in the back seat of my car, well..." The boy asked, "Are you a virgin as a girl?" Erin smiled. "Yes. But I'm becoming more interested in taking the final step every day. The point I'm making here is that I was a normal guy, with normal desires. Now, I'm a normal girl, still with normal desires. After you get a taste, most of you will be the same. And there's one other thing to consider." "What's that?" Todd asked. "Wait until you get over the initial shock of transition — then I'd suggest a little personal time in a bath or bed. Just let your fingers do the walking." She blushed prettily. "Are you saying..." "Yes. Oh, my yes. Once you discover ALL the pleasures of your body — being a girl will seem a lot more tolerable. It's much more intense than what I experienced as a guy. And, it helps you get into the proper frame of mind for... romance. Two words: shower nozzle." I had to admit I was intrigued by that. What would a female orgasm feel like? It was difficult to envision, of course, since I couldn't even imagine having a vagina — and yet, I was going to find out. Interesting... At that point, we took a break. We were paired up — Todd became my partner — and led to a dormitory area. Dr. Turley explained we would need to rest as much as possible. For obvious reasons, we were a little reluctant — knowing that we could fall asleep as boys... And wake up as girls! But I did feel tired, so I made no protest as Todd and I closed the door on our semi-private room, with two hotel style beds. There was a fair amount of literature on the nightstands — including a schedule of classes. I noticed the aforementioned courses on hairstyling and make-up — and also saw there was a one-hour class on underwear. A whole hour? For just underwear? Todd spoke. "So what do you think?" "Well, they are trying to be helpful. Knowing we're not alone makes it a lot easier to cope." "You said it," Todd replied. "Can you imagine what it was like for those first boys — turning into girls without any explanation or support?" "It's scary enough as it is. What did you think of Erin?" "God, she's hot. I couldn't believe it when she made out with that guy." "I couldn't believe she flashed us. It was straight out of 'Basic Instinct'. She's definitely all girl. She seems to be pretty content, though — I mean, she even likes to wear frilly panties. She's not the least bit butch." Todd spoke again. "Maybe... maybe there's something to what she's saying — that if we give it a chance, we might actually like it." "My mom said the same thing — but she's never been male, so how could she know? But I gotta admit — hearing it from Erin makes me feel better. If a jock like he must have been can enjoy it — maybe we can too." "Let's hope so," Todd responded. "Because we don't seem to have a choice." He pulled off his shirt and stripped to his briefs. My eyes traveled to his chest — where I saw nipples even larger than mine atop two swellings that were well on their way to becoming... breasts. I sighed, stripped to my underwear as well, and got into bed. Despite the strange surroundings, I zonked out rather quickly. When I woke up — there was a topless girl asleep on Todd's bed. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her. She was stretched out above the covers, wearing only boy's briefs — which seemed tight around her flared hips and all too loose in the crotch. She had long blonde hair cascading luxuriously over the pillow and a very cute face. But my eyes were riveted to her chest — where a pair of lovely breasts graced by full nipples pointed skyward. I'd never seen a girl topless in person before and to see her chest, rising and falling with her breath, was almost inhumanly sexy to me. Of course I knew it was Todd. GB was obviously finished with him... her. And as she lay there, she seemed to be having some kind of erotic dream. Her small hands were gently rubbing her belly as she smiled to herself — eyes still closed. A soft moan escaped from her wide lips as her hand reached still lower — into the boy's briefs that were completely unsuited for her changed body. I could see her hand moving about in the crotch of her underwear — searching... searching... For what she would never find again, except between the legs of a man. Her eyes snapped open and a look of shock appeared. She sat up all at once and her hands immediately reached to cup her breasts — confirming the femininity that had been inflicted on her. Ignoring me completely, she rose and stepped unsteadily to the mirror, where she saw the girl she had become. I found myself using the pronouns of 'her' and 'she' because that's how I saw her. Yeah, I knew that inside that pretty body was the mind of a normal boy — but there was no way I could make the connection to what my eyes saw on the outside. Todd was a girl, and if even I couldn't see the male he'd once been, then it was certain the rest of the world would not. Todd just stood there, trying to take in the female body that was now hers. I saw a wide range of emotions on her face as she attempted to absorb the image in the mirror. I stepped up to help her. "Are you all right?" I asked — possibly the most inane thing I could have said. "Oh God," she gasped. "It really happened to me. Somehow I thought I would just wake up and still be a boy... but I'm a g... gir... girl!" I said nothing — reaching out touch her — when suddenly I felt a ferocious itching in my nipples. A great lassitude seemed to come over me and I staggered. Todd caught me just as I fell and she helped me back to my bed. I lay down — struggling to stay awake. Todd spoke. "I think it's your turn now, Jack," she said sadly. I knew she was right — but I tried to fight it. I was finally at the moment of truth — and despite my attempts to steel myself for what was about to happen — I felt pure panic. I couldn't even talk — all I could do was mentally plead for help — useless of course. Oh, please stop this! I don't want to be a girl! I don't want to wear bras — I don't want to have a...a pussy! Please let me stay a boy! I want to grow up to be a man, not a woman! Please... But I might as well have been talking to the Borg. Resistance was futile. I could actually feel myself changing with every second, could feel the new vagina delving deep between my legs. GB was winning its final victory — transforming me into the young woman I was doomed to be. It was like a near-death experience as I felt more and more distant from my body. After a few minutes, I simply passed out. When I awoke, I knew. I didn't have to touch my chest or reach down below — I could sense it through every inch of my form. I was no longer a boy. I was now a girl. This wasn't some gradual realization — it was instantaneous. If I had to pick one feeling above all other, it would be my chest. Lying on my back, I had to look UP to see my huge nipples — which tingled a bit from the cool air. And the breasts? They were enormous! Horrified, I sat up — my tiny hands reached to cup my new chest — my nipples instantly hardened against my palms. My god, my breasts were so... heavy! I felt their weight tugging firmly against my torso as I leaned forward. An hour ago, my chest was that of an 11 year old. Now, I had the body of a... woman! But I was distracted by the cape of hair sweeping across my shoulders and down my back. I could actually sense the pressure of the long hair pulling against my scalp. I stood up unsteadily. Between the heaviness of my gigantic breasts and lengthy tresses, it was a wonder I didn't fall over. I took my first tottering steps — which felt so different, so wrong. My legs seemed to be incorrectly attached to my hips — hips that were as wide as my shoulders. Jesus, I'm a freak! I've been turned into some hyper-voluptuous Playboy centerfold! My... tits are bouncing around like Anna Nicole Smith! I must look like a stripper! I pulled my boys briefs down silky smooth legs and lurched over to the mirror. And amazingly, I felt relieved. For my reflection was not that of an overdeveloped bimbo from a late-night Cinemax movie. What I saw in the mirror was normal. For a girl, that is. A naked teenage girl. This was the first time in my life I'd ever actually seen a naked girl. I'd dreamed of the first moment when the mystery of a woman's body would finally be revealed to me. I just never expected the body to be mine! To be sure, Hal and I had poured over Penthouse just like most adolescent boys. So I had some idea of the appearance of the nude female form. And despite our youth and inexperience, we were aware enough to know that 'real' girls wouldn't look so over-the-top anyway. But to see an unclad young woman in person... well! The mirror revealed her in all her feminine glory. She had a very cute face, full lips and absolutely huge blue eyes. Her fine, light brown hair was very long, very straight and fell all the way down to the small of her back. Her shoulders and arms were quite slim, but not emaciated. Her breasts were indeed large, but hardly centerfold quality. I couldn't guess their size — her small frame made perspective difficult. They seemed very rounded, though — not pointy at all. Her rib cage tapered down to a narrow waist, flaring back out to hips that were wide, but somehow seemed a bit smaller that what many girls her age might have. Her legs may have been her best feature — very smooth and elegant. Overall, her body was extremely athletic — for a girl. And of course, my eyes were drawn to the place between her legs — rising all at once from the base of her belly — the thin delta of dark brown hair that looked like an arrow, pointing to her... vagina. Her crotch was clearly female — the pinkish lips just visible beneath the downy curls. I stared, mesmerized. She was very pretty — almost beautiful. Her body was wonderfully proportioned for a young woman who exercised regularly. This is what I've become? And as I moved, so did the girl in the glass. If you've ever seen that classic comedy sketch with Harpo Marx and Lucille Ball, where one mirrors the other's movements — then you know what I was hoping for. I wanted the girl to break character, to move on her own — and prove that she was not me. But of course, she didn't. For I was her. At this point, my mind was spinning more than Brian Boitano with an inner-ear infection inside a centrifuge (thank you, Dennis Miller). I still felt a sense of relief that my body was not some Jessica Rabbit exaggeration of femininity. But I was dismayed to see there was no trace of my male self left. But I sure was cute! And yet I felt like my breasts were huge balloons, my arms were like sticks and my hips were so wide you could shelve books on them. But when I looked in the mirror — I saw a very attractive, normal female body. So I knew my breasts were not really so huge, my arms were okay and so forth. Yet I was a girl! So I felt lost, confused. But I was a naked girl! And so my male mind was intrigued by my exposed female body. But I missed my penis — I felt so empty... down below! But there was a girl's vagina right in front of me — waiting for me to explore its mysteries! And on and on... The array of emotions cascading down on me was more diverse than a Benetton ad campaign. Shock, curiosity, sadness, fear, fascination and even a little arousal. I felt dizzy from it all — I staggered over to the bed and sat down on a butt that clearly had more padding than before. I took a couple of deep breaths, watching in amazement as my... boobs jiggled. I was just reaching up to cup them when the door opened. It was a nurse. "Oh!" she said, seeming a little surprised. "You're finished." "Well, that's one way to put it," I responded, my voice even higher than before. She smiled ruefully. "I'm sorry — that's not what I meant. How do you feel?" "I guess I feel like a girl — whatever that means." "Don't worry, you'll figure it out soon enough. Are you in any pain?" "I'm a little dizzy, otherwise I'm okay." I looked down and gave a start. I'd forgotten I was nude, female and having a conversation with a woman who appeared to have smaller breasts than me. I shuddered. The nurse quickly came to my side and threw a blanket over my shoulders. "You need to take it very slow for a little while yet. I'll be back in about 15 minutes — we need to give you a physical. There are some clothes in the drawer that should fit you. Don't worry — nothing too frilly." Her manner was reassuring and I was grateful for that. She began to leave, then turned back to me. "I feel kind of special. I'm the very first person to see you as a girl. It's almost like being in the delivery room. Just hang in there — you will adjust. You're very pretty, if it's any consolation." It wasn't. The last thing I wanted to hear were compliments on my looks. After all, if I'm attractive — I'd have to consider who I'd be attracting. I got up, still unsteady and walked over to the dresser. Inside the drawer were a few articles of clothing. I pulled them out and took inventory. One pair gray sweatpants — okay. One tank top - okay. One pair underpants. Not okay. For they were girls' underpants. As I held them up, I noticed they were very simple. White cotton, no lace, no flowers. A slight scalloping of the waistband was the only concession to femininity. But it didn't matter. They were still... panties. Before GB, I'd always thought of the term 'panties' as cute, even a little sexy. But now, it seemed a bit condescending. 'Panties' was a word you'd expect a four year old to use. For a grown woman to have her underpants referred to in such a childish fashion somehow made her less adult, more like a little girl. Which made it all the harder for her to be accepted as an equal. I remembered an old episode of 'All In The Family', when Archie Bunker proclaimed "in my household, the money will be earned by the ones who wear the pants in the family, not the panties!" And now I would have to wear them. Slowly, I reached down to pull them on. My breasts seemed to dangle pendulously all the way to the floor as I bent over. I pulled the underwear up my so smooth legs to my hips and snugly against my female crotch. Oh! Despite the conservative style, just wearing these panties made me feel... girly. I mean, I really didn't know what feeling 'girly' was like, but I definitely didn't feel like a boy. The fabric was so much softer than my male briefs. The elastic on the legbands hugged my butt in a strange way. The underwear seemed to be cut similar to a low rise set of boys' briefs — except for a little higher on the hip. But most remarkable was the feel of the panties pressing between my legs. No bulge of a penis. No adjustments to make — for I had nothing to adjust. The panties made me feel bereft of manhood, the flatness between my legs confirming that all I had was a... vagina. I keep using the terms vagina and breasts as opposed to pussy, hooters, etc. As a boy, I'd occasionally referred to girls' anatomy with the earthier language. But now, I felt such names were somehow... degrading. I certainly didn't want to have a vagina. But I wanted a cunt even less. The scientific terminology didn't feel quite as embarrassing. I have no choice about being a girl — but I wasn't going to use the harsher appellations that would reduce me to a set of body parts. Anyway, it did feel a little better to have the panties on — I wanted to cover myself up. I pulled the tank top over my head and actually had to tug it over my breasts. My god, my chest seemed larger with the top on than off! A tight blouse can enhance even a small-breasted woman. For me, my breasts seemed to push my top out so far — and the huge nipples were visible through the ribbed cotton. I realized then that I would never truly be able to conceal my chest. Oh, I could prevent the direct exposure of skin — but the presence of my breasts would forever be undeniable. For the rest of my life, everywhere I went my breasts would precede me, announcing to the world: "Look everybody — she's a girl!" Clad about as well as I could be for the moment, I went back to the mirror to take stock. What I saw was a typical teenager, dressed as if she were lounging around the house. I noticed something else — I appeared younger than as a boy. The girl in the mirror looked about 15 years old. And that was also dismaying to me, for the last thing a teenager of either gender wants is to look more youthful. Whether it's girls layering on the makeup or boys struggling to grow a mustache, every teenager seeks to seem older than his/her age. Yet GB had taken a couple of years off my appearance — which made me feel even more vulnerable. But, god, this girl was cute! She... I... bore a striking resemblance to the actress Michelle Tractenberg — who plays Dawn on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. We weren't twins — my hair was a little darker and longer and her lips were fuller than mine — but we could have passed for cousins. Our body types were similar as well — slender, full- breasted, with hips that were slightly smaller than average for a girl, but very feminine in terms of curves. You have to understand I still had a disconnect between what I saw in my reflection and what I felt from my body. Dressed in the simple tank and sweatpants, I looked quite normal — even though my senses were screaming to me that my breasts were Hindenberg-class and my ass wouldn't fit in a movie theater seat. I hoped the adjustment Erin had spoken of wouldn't take too long — I still felt freakish. The door opened and the nurse led me down the hall to the examining room. It looked just like any other treatment facility with a long table, covered with paper, and cabinets filled with supplies. I also noticed two strange brackets projecting from one end of the table — which almost resembled stirrups. Uh, oh. I realized then I was about to undergo a profound initiation into my new girlhood — a gynecological exam. I knew virtually nothing about them, except that most women didn't care for the experience. The nurse remained with me and Dr Turley, still in her white coat, entered the room. "Okay Jack — I see you've completed the physical transition. I know you are very disoriented and confused right now — I just need to know if you are feeling any pain." "No," I replied softly. "I do feel very weird, but it doesn't hurt." "Good. You've probably guessed what is next. We need to verify the full results of GB and we need to make sure there are no medical issues with your new reproductive organs. I've endured a number of these exams — so I know it is intimidating. But as a woman myself, I promise to make this as comfortable as possible. Regular gynecological exams are crucial for women and girls to maintain good health. You've got a more complex body than before and it does need more maintenance." She spoke in a sober tone, but there was a kind look to her eyes. Then she asked me to undress down to my panties. Slowly I complied. I noticed I was already starting to feel shy about having my breasts exposed, and I was glad there were only females in the room. I just wish I weren't one of them. While I sat on the table, Dr Turley showed me how to perform a self-examination for lumps and cautioned me about the risks of cancer. By the time she was done kneading my chest, I felt rather sore. They certainly were sensitive! She spoke then. "I have to admit, I'm more than a little jealous — you have a lovely pair of breasts. I know that's not high on your list of priorities, but at least GB gives you an aesthetically pleasing body." "Problem is, Doctor, we have different standards of aesthetics," I responded. Then things got very serious. I removed my panties, scooted down to the end of the platform and placed my feet into the stirrups. The nurse draped a blanket over my chest, but I was still nude below the waist. Never had I experienced a sense of exposure like this. With my legs spread so far apart and nothing between them but a vagina, I felt somehow extra naked — as if I were physically revealing my very soul. Dr Turley spoke. "Okay, Jack — here we go. I'm going to insert a speculum into your vaginal canal and examine your cervix for abnormalities. You'll feel a pinching effect — I'll try to be very gentle." She then spread jelly on a plastic set of 'spoons' and moved her chair between my legs. I began to tremble — my whole body was shaking. The nurse patted my hand and spoke reassuring words — it helped a little. Then, I felt a bizarre stretching sensation where my scrotum once was, followed by a feeling of... penetration — into an opening my body never had before. It was so surreal that I almost didn't notice the pain. Almost. God, I felt so... complicated down there! And very delicate as she probed deeper inside me. The speculum seemed huge — filling me more than I imagined possible. While Dr Turley was examining me, she was calling out observations to the nurse. At one point I heard her say, "Patient's hymen is of normal appearance and dimension. She has no abnormalities of her cervix." I felt a double whammy. 'Hymen'? That meant I was a virgin. Which made sense in a weird way, since I was a virgin as a boy. I wondered if Erin, who'd lost her virginity as a male, had a hymen when GB finished her. So I was 'cherry'? Very unsettling to realize I was that anatomically correct as a girl. Added to that was the strangeness of hearing the feminine pronouns of 'her' and 'she' used to refer to me. I knew it was inevitable — I'd thought of Todd the same way when she had completed her transformation. But to be identified as female in such a casual fashion drove home the dramatic change I'd undergone. It was far more than just physical — I'd entered a whole new world. Much to my relief, Dr Turley completed the exam. I felt oddly 'open' once the speculum was removed and the excess jelly was uncomfortable. The nurse helped me to clean up — as I was doing so, I experienced just a hint of pleasure as my vulva was gently rubbed. I quickly put it out of my mind — I didn't want to consider my sexuality in any way. I got dressed again, realizing I was actually grateful to pull up my girl's panties and achieve some modesty at last. Dr Turley reported everything was normal. Then she began a very detailed discussion of the female body, complete with pictures. This included descriptions of various functions, highlighting the obvious need to wipe after urination — which of course had to be done sitting down. Menstruation was also part of the program, as I leaned at age 17 what most girls learned at age 10. Back when I was in grade school, I remember some gym classes segregated by sex, while each watched certain films. The boys had always wondered what the girls' movies were all about — even at that age, femininity was a forbidden mystery to me. Not any more. And frankly, I could have done without learning about these secrets. Pads, tampons, pantiliners and all the rest seemed intimidating, not to mention awkward. Apparently, I'd still have a 'package' in my underwear for several days a month — just not the one I was used to. Then there were the various infections I'd have to watch for. By the time she was done, I felt overwhelmed, exhausted and vulnerable. Noting this, Dr. Turley concluded. "Jack, I know you've been through a lot — but you are handling things very well. It may seem that girlhood is very daunting, almost frightening. But I can assure you it will feel normal soon enough. And there are rewards as well. I believe Erin spoke to the class about personal 'experimentation'. Remember our discussion of the clitoris. I'd recommend it for you — it will help you get in tune with your body and you may find being a girl can be quite pleasant." I had my doubts. I didn't even want to have a vagina — let alone go on some spelunking expedition up inside of it. I preferred to pretend it just wasn't there — which was actually easier to do than you might think. Most of the time, I wasn't even aware of my female organs — though I was acutely aware of the void between my legs. But that was more a result of my missing my penis, rather than sensing my new opening. As the nurse led me to a cafeteria, I came to another understanding. The Lord taketh away, but the Lord also giveth. I felt empty down below — but the presence of my breasts more than made up for it. Every step I took produced a jiggling sensation — my swollen nipples felt as though they were floating in space, far in front of my torso. The tank top stretched against my breasts, producing an itching feeling that was half irritating, half pleasant. I arrived at the cafeteria, famished. Ravenous, I loaded up a tray with various salads, pastas, etc. The room had two groups of people, the guys from the class who were still male, and those who... weren't. I joined the second group. Birds of a feather. Todd was already there, halfway through her meal. She looked up at me. "Jack?" "In the flesh." "Jesus, you're pretty. How are you doing?" "About the same as you, probably. I'm just trying to hang in there." Two other girls were with us. One was a cute redhead with an array of adorable freckles, the other was perhaps the most beautiful of us all — classic Ethiopian features and a flawless dark mocha complexion. Both, like Todd and myself, were utterly feminine in appearance. They were dressed in the same casual combo I had on — and all four of us filled out our tops very well. In fact, I may have had the edge in that category, though the others were certainly no slouches. Great. I'm not only a girl, I'm stacked to boot. The redhead introduced herself as Billy, the black girl as Jerome. It was so incongruous to hear the masculine monikers used by such attractive young women, and I realized for the first time I was going to have to change my own name. We attempted small talk for a few minutes before we started to discuss the day's events. During our conversation, we noticed the other table of boys casting surreptitious glances at us. I could guess was going on. Half of their attention was based on male appreciation for four pretty girls in tight tops. The other half would be wonder: "Am I going to look like that?" I could understand their interest, for the three girls I was sitting with were very captivating in appearance. In my old male form, I probably would have had a semi just from seeing their nipples poking out the thin cotton fabric. In this body though, desire manifested itself in a different way — I felt a slight tingle in my own chest and a hint of warmth between my legs. I quickly turned my thoughts away. "So, what did you think of the exam?" Billy asked. "All the dignity of a 'Jerry Springer' episode," I responded. "It was sooo embarrassing!" Todd chimed in. "And to think we've got to go through it every year." She shook her head, her blond hair waving. "Just wait till we have babies," Billy said. We all looked at the freckled girl in shock. "There's no way I'm ever going to let a guy get me in that condition," Jerome said emphatically. Todd and I seconded the opinion. Billy smiled at us. "I wouldn't be so sure. Remember Erin?" I had to credit that. Erin had not been shy about her female sexuality. She had been very willing to make out with a boy. And if could happen to her, then... Todd said to Billy, "You don't seem all that upset about the prospect." "That's because I'm not. I kind of like being... this way." She looked down at herself, contemplating her new form. "Already?" I asked incredulously. "Dr. Turley did say 20% of the boys ended up preferring life as girls. I feel... special as a female. I can't really describe it, but there's something about this body that appeals to me. I even like the idea of dressing it up. I'm looking forward to seeing how I look in lingerie, skirts and all the rest." She blushed, but met our eyes steadily. "Did you want to be a girl before GB?" "Nope. I'd always been a little curious about what it might feel like, but I was happy as a guy. But it's as though some kind of switch was thrown inside me — I'm really excited about all this." She seemed almost bubbly. "Even the exam, didn't that faze you?" Todd asked. "Actually, it was almost like... validation. As if it proved how female I am. And I liked having it proven." Wow. Granted, Billy looked like a very attractive, perfectly normal young woman. So for her talk about wanting to wear skirts and frilly underwear made sense at face value. But she'd been a boy six hours ago! "How can you stand this?" Jerome asked her. "I hate it!" I looked at the lovely dark-skinned girl, her haunted face framed by glossy black curls. She continued in a low but heated tone, "Every breath I take I feel these... these tits. I'm so fucking small and weak, I've got this pussy between my legs and I know damn well what I look like. Every guy will want to jump me. And I'm gonna have to wear bras, have periods and all this other girly shit. I don't want any of this. And you sit there and say you can't wait to get into a dress? How? Tell me how you can cope with this — cause I can't see living another day in this body, let alone a lifetime." It was Billy's turn to seem shocked. And since Jerome detested her new body to the same extreme Billy loved hers, neither could see the other's perspective. As for me, I felt I was closer to Jerome's position than Billy's. But I wasn't at the point of despair. I'd jump at a chance to go back, but now that the worst had happened, I thought I could at least live with it. Hearing Jerome say otherwise made me scared for her. I remembered Doctor Turley's story about the suicides. I tried to reassure Jerome. "I'm not thrilled with this either. But it's not like we have to put on tutus and join a dance team. If we just take it slow and look out for each other, we can get through this." She looked flatly back. "You think it's going to be any easier for you, white girl? With that alabaster skin of yours, that perfect hair and those nipples you could dial a phone with? Your chest alone is going to make every dude hard. Or are you like Billy here — all ready to put on crotchless panties and go trolling for studs?" All three of us were taken aback at the vehemence of her speech. The expression on her face softened. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I guess I'm just acting like a... bitch." She smiled wryly for a brief instant. "It's just so hard for me. I know it's no joyride for you, but being black makes it different." "How?" Todd asked, brushing her blond hair back. "Do I have to explain it? African-American culture places a great deal of value on brothers being tough, strong, and independent — due to what we have to go through in this society. And before you interrupt, I know white boys are supposed to be all macho, too. But be honest, it's not the same. You've seen the movies, read the books, listened to the music — you know what the image is — a black man never wants to appear anything less than in total control of himself." Tears welled up in her huge dark eyes. "But how can I be in control when I'm in the middle of PMS, or have to worry about my skirt flying around on a windy day, or some guy takes a shine to me and he outweighs me by a hundred pounds?" I'd thought about those things too. I'd already come to understand being a girl meant surrendering a certain sense of independence. Between the body and the culture, it was difficult for a girl to feel in command of... anything. Of course, Erin's demonstration earlier today (remember when she flashed us?) had proven that girls did have some power. But to take advantage of it meant fully accepting being a girl in every way. Billy may have been up to it, but I doubted I was — and it was for sure Jerome was not. "I'm sorry," was all I could say to her. She looked at me and smiled, which made her even more gorgeous. "Don't worry, Jack. I'm not going to do anything bad — I'm just frustrated, that's all. Actually, you're the one who's got the biggest challenge. Are you going to keep running the mile as a girl?" "You know about me?" "Hell, yeah. I'm more into sprints, myself — but everybody in the track world is up on you. So are a lot of other people. Breaking the four-minute mile? Damned impressive." It was my turn to be morose. "It doesn't look like I'll ever do it again." Jerome didn't try to spin it. "It's a tough break for both of us, man." I winced at her use of the term 'man'. She turned to Todd. "How are you doing?" The pretty blonde replied, "Not too bad so far. Having four sisters kind of paved the way for me." She was about to continue when a nurse came up and said it was bedtime. As we said good night to each other, we seemed a little bit more at ease than before. It was definitely true — GRS was helpful. Just being able to talk to other guys... girls who were going through the same thing made it better. Todd and I arrived back in our room — dreading what was coming. We had to get ready for bed. I went ahead of her — into the bathroom where brushing my teeth was the first normal thing I'd done today. I washed my face, marveling at how it felt different to my hands — the slope of my nose, the shape of my chin. And the skin was so soft, so clear! I'd never had many problems with acne as a boy, but now my complexion seemed almost to glow. I constantly had to brush my hair back — a mannerism I was learning quickly. It was still surreal to look in the mirror and see someone else's face. Yes, there was a slight resemblance to my former self — but for all practical purposes, I'd become another human being. And I had no idea who she was. God, would I ever get used to this? As I cleaned up, I was intrigued by how tiny my hands were. They seemed no bigger than Sue's — almost like the hands of a child. And yet they were so fine, so evenly proportioned. I spent nearly five minutes just looking at them. I'd never smoked a joint (bad for training) but I imagined I looked like someone who was high, fascinated by the mundane in a Thoreau-like way. Todd knocked on the door, her soprano voice asking if I was all right. I said yes, then proceeded to the final shock my body had in store for me tonight. I needed to pee. I stared at the bowl at which I would never aim again. No writing my name in the snow for me. Slowly, I tugged down my pants and panties, and sat. And sat. And sat. I had to concentrate to learn what muscles to relax. Just when I was about to give up, the stream suddenly erupted from my body. I gave a little gasp as it happened — it seemed as though I had less control over things than before. I know it's silly, but I missed being able to direct the flow. When it was over, I carefully wiped as I'd been shown. God! To put my hands between my legs and feel nothing but space was eerie. But the sensation of my... vulva being touched was even eerier. So sensitive! I kept my eyes forward during all of this. My vagina was set back a little further between my legs — which was for the best since I had no desire to look at it. Now that may seem strange to you, since a vagina represents the most physical aspect of femininity. And after all, I'd spent my life as a male, so here was the chance to learn all about it. As a boy, I'd always been extremely curious about what a woman looked like down there. Yes, I'd seen Playboy, etc — but I knew the 'live' experience would be much more intense. So here I was, with the mystery of girlhood right in front of me at last — yet now I felt uncomfortable, almost repulsed by it. If this vagina had been on some other girl, then I would have been delighted to check things out. But on my body? It just didn't excite me. I washed up and turned the bathroom over to Todd. I removed my pants and got into bed. I spent the time watching my chest rise and fall with my breath. After about 10 minutes, she came out, white-faced and almost shaking, dressed in her tank top and white cotton panties — same style as mine. She had very nice legs, I noticed with a little delight. "Are you okay?" I asked her. "I'm not sure. It's just so... so bizarre to see myself like this. I mean, I love my sisters, but I never wanted to become one of them! And yet now, I'll fit in just fi... fine. We'll talk about clothes and boys and periods and I'll... I'll be just like they are!" She sat down on the bed and began to cry. "Jack, I... I don't know if I can do this! I was happy being a guy — but to see these breasts and my... female parts — I'm not really Todd any more. I'm this... this girl!" I went over to her and put my arms around her slim shoulders. I just let her speak. "My name's going to have to change. But I don't know what to pick! Toddrina? Toddra? It's just so ridiculous." She continued to sob and I felt a strangely mothering instinct. I pulled her head to my chest and cradled the petite blonde in my slender arms. Already, the social aspect of being a young woman was kicking in. As a guy, another guy would have never cried in front of me. And even if he had, the most I would have done was pat his shoulder. But as a girl, comforting another girl by cuddling with her seemed perfectly natural. Although I was still boy enough to be a little turned on by hugging a cute female in her underwear. "For you, Jack, it's got to be easier. You can go with Jackie — so you can still keep some of your identity." I'd already considered that. But my painful encounter with Andy Marks, where he'd mockingly called me Jackie had spoiled the choice. Then too, using 'Jackie' seemed almost a cop-out — as if I were still trying to hold on to some semblance of my former existence. Erin and the other counselors were right — I could never be Jack any more — one look in the mirror or down my top proved that. I was someone else entirely now, so I needed a whole new name. How about Stephanie? I don't know why it popped into my head, but it seemed to fit. Stephanie Lind. A nice name — for a girl. Todd was still snuggling against my breasts and that interesting new tingling feeling was beginning in my nipples. I gently pulled her up and told her my choice for my name. Then I suggested one for her. "How about Tamara?" She paused for a moment. "You know what — that's not bad! I could shorten it to Tammie or even Tam. A woman's name, but a lot better than Becky or Sue." I nearly laughed — but I kept silent. I knew my two best female friends liked their names, but I could understand how they might have been a little too girly for Todd... Tamara to handle. She hugged me then, and the feel of our breasts pressing together was stunning, our nipples poking almost aggressively into each other. We broke the hug, a little astonished at the erotic sensation. Our eyes met for a moment and we looked away in embarrassment. We got back into our beds and turned out the lights. She spoke to me in the dark. "Thanks for being there for me — you're a really sweet gir... oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you a..." "Girl?" I finished. "I may not want to be one and I don't know anything about how to be one, but I have to admit... that's what I am." She sighed. "That's what we both are." "Good night... Tamara." "Good night... Stephanie." The name echoed in my mind as I lay in bed. I'm not a boy named Jack. I'm a girl named Stephanie. The impossibility of that statement jarred with its reality. And forget about sleep. I was learning, as generations of full-breasted females had before me, that a well-developed chest was quite a distraction when trying to rest. My nipples reacted to the slightest pressure, and the sheer bulk of my breasts shifted against my body with every move. When I turned on my side, I could actually feel the weight of one breast on top of the other. And there was no chance I could sleep on my stomach now. I tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. Resolutely, I forced my thoughts away from the vagina that nestled between my legs, waiting to be explored. Then there was the hair — spilling over the pillow and falling across my face. While I tried to settle down, I thought I heard a few muffled sobs coming from Tamara's bed. A few came from my bed as well. But I finally did fall into a deep sleep — dreamless, thank God, and I awoke to the sound of a shower running. Tamara's bed was empty and I got up slowly. Walking to the mirror, I could see nothing had changed — my reflection was that of a teenage girl in her panties and top, eyes a little puffy, hair mussed. The male I had been was a little excited at seeing a young woman in a state of undress, but fortunately, I was still too disoriented to react to it. Tamara came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her girl-style, with a plastic shower cap. She seemed a little calmer than last night — in fact, there was almost a glow about her. She pulled off the cap and smiled at me. "Better use one of these — it'll take forever to dry this much hair. One advantage of having four sisters — I know a fair amount about female routines." I walked into the bathroom, took off my underwear and stepped into the shower. The hot water felt very good as I lathered up my incredibly smooth and hairless skin. I had to cup my breasts from the spray — they were so sensitive! As I soaped down, I found myself beginning to enjoy washing my breasts — the combination of warm water and lather was... stimulating. Almost without willing it, my hands began to stroke my nipples, which quickly became more swollen than ever. This may sound odd, but the best way to describe the sensation of having breasts was as if I had two large semi-erections on my torso — firm but not stiff, growing more pleasurable the closer to the tips I stroked. My breathing grew ragged, and I felt a moisture between my legs that was not water. I realized with a start that several minutes had passed. I'd become lost in the feelings of my girlish body! Dismayed at how easily I had succumbed to female sexuality, I finished quickly. I noticed there was a shower nozzle attachment and I also noticed some droplets of water on it. I thought back to what Erin had said about experimentation, and then I thought of the glow on Tamara's face as she'd left the bathroom. Good for her — if it helps her cope, so much the better. It wasn't for me, though. For I wanted nothing to do with a girl's sex drive. Yes, I accepted I was female because I had no choice. But I didn't want to imagine arousal, for I couldn't imagine...boys. I was still repulsed at the idea that I would become attracted to males —no matter that the experts said it would happen. At the very least, I wanted to put it off until I could control things. But my body was not only that of a female, it was that of a teenager. Which meant I had the elevated hormones all kids had. Girls' hormones. Which in turn meant my body would have a mind of its own, so to speak. The last thing I wanted was to find myself lusting for boys — being forced by my body to desire them, against my will. So I didn't want to get acquainted with my female needs — at all. For once a girl got started, as Erin's demonstration had proved, there was no guarantee she could stop. Drying off, I stepped outside where Tamara was waiting. She smiled at me, and looked me over. I could hardly blame her — a naked girl was toweling down right in front of her. The part of her that was still Todd was enjoying the view. I wasn't bothered by her interest, though. After all, we were both female — she was no threat to me. "How was your shower?" "Wet," I replied curtly. Then I lightened my tone. "Sorry — I'm having a little trouble this morning." "I understand. Did you try out any of the... attachments?" she said mischievously. "No chance. I ended up enjoying myself more than I wanted to — just from my chest alone." "Yeah — a girl's body is rather sensitive, isn't it? I experimented a little... down below." This did interest me. "How was it?" "Very different. And quite intense. I didn't get very far — but if what I felt was an indicator of things to come..." "Please tell me that pun was accidental." She giggled. "Yes. As much as I hate to admit it, there may be some advantages to being this way. I've got a feeling sex as a girl is going to be a lot more... extreme than as a boy." "Just so long as I don't have to involve any boys myself." I shuddered. She grew more serious as I pulled on a fresh pair of panties. The female underwear still felt so odd. "I know what you mean," Tamara said. "The idea of guys is... intimidating." "Not to mention repulsive." Tamara didn't reply. I wondered if she was ahead of me on the path toward a girl's mind. A nurse knocked and told us to report to the cafeteria for breakfast. There we found Billy and Jerome. None of the remaining boys had transformed overnight, so the four of us took a table again. Billy spoke first. "Pick a name yet?" "Stephanie," I replied. "Tamara," the former Todd echoed. "You?" "Beth." "That's cute," Tamara said. "So are your two names," Billy, now Beth told us. "Yeah, we're just such adorable girly-girls, aren't we?" Jerome chimed in sarcastically. "Well, when in Rome..." Tamara said. "I want a ticket out of Rome," Jerome shot back. "I want to go to MANchester or MANanagua or MANchuria or..." She tried to think of another one. "MANdalay!" I couldn't resist. "How about GUYana?" Jerome said, "That'll work. Hell, I'd even take Boise!" We ran out of steam at that point. Beth tried to put a positive look on it. "I know this is harder for you than me, Jerome — and I don't think Stephanie's too happy about it either. But if we have to be girls, at least we're young, healthy and very good-looking. That's not a bad way to go through life." A sad smile spread across Jerome's lovely face. "I was young, healthy and very good-looking before all this." We chuckled. I spoke to Beth and asked the pretty redhead if she still felt the same way as she did last night. "Oh, yes, Stephanie — especially after my shower." She blushed. "If I were offered a chance to go back now, I might just turn it down. This is... exciting!" Jerome shook her head. "My hat's off to you, Beth — but I can't see how you feel like this." "Just give it time, Jerome. Speaking of which, have you chosen a name yet?" "You know I don't want to. Picking a girl's name for myself would be like saying I agree with everything that's happened." Tamara interjected. "I hear you, Jerome. But it's like we were told yesterday — the rest of the world is not going to change for us. They'll see us as girls, and if we have boy's names, we'll just get more negative attention." "Intellectually, I know you're right... Tamara. But I'm still a man in my heart — even though I'm carrying these tits above it. I know I have to go along to get along, but it's..." her lips began to tremble. "Damn... I cry all too easily now." All three of us reached over to hug her. Jerome looked up at us, tears running down her face and managed a weak smirk. "Well, it's not completely bad. I've got three hot girls fussing over me. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead, no less." We all laughed. Then we were escorted to the first class of the day. Underwear. Actually, it was the first of a series of blocks on girls' clothing — which we obviously needed. Todd... Tamara could have figured things out on her own, since she grew up in a house with five females. But the rest of us were completely clueless. When we arrived in the room, we found a smiling Erin waiting for us, dressed in a long blue robe with a floral pattern. "Well, I see you all have crossed the great divide. I hope you are doing alright, because we have a lot to talk about this morning." After a few more pleasantries, she locked the door so we would not be disturbed. Then she got down to business. "As you must know by now, being a girl is a lot more complicated than being a guy. That complexity is reflected in everything she does — physically and socially. The more you know, the easier it will be for you to adjust. So let's get down to basics." "Women's underwear serves three purposes. First, the obvious hygienic one. Second, to accentuate clothing. When a man puts on a suit, it doesn't really matter what he's wearing underneath. But for a woman, her underwear has to integrate with what she's wearing on the outside — because she's far more likely to be showing skin. Stockings, bras and slips are all part of the package. And third, women's underwear communicates a sense of femininity to the woman wearing it, and the men around her. "You've all heard the term 'lingerie', from the French, 'to linger'. As I can tell you, wearing lingerie is a very sensuous experience — it makes you feel girly. And when you feel girly, others treat you that way. "Now, men's underwear and men's clothing in general, is utilitarian — that is, it serves a functional purpose. And to be fair, much of the time, the clothes you put on as girls will be functional as well. Not every minute is a fashion show. "But," Erin continued, "most girls, including those affected by GB, do find a desire to indulge their femininity by wearing something frilly on occasion. It can be as simple as a lace pair of panties, or as all-out as a stocking and garter set. As teenage girls, you won't spend much time in teddies, corsets and the like. Those kind of things tend to be costumes, not very practical. But you will put on skirts and dresses once in a while, and you will find a strong desire to wear pretty things underneath them. "I never expected to feel that way myself. I figured everything I'd wear would come right out of 'Jockey for Girls'. But after a few weeks as a female, I found that I liked wearing feminine clothes, including the underwear. It's fun and damn near... irresistible." Jerome and I exchanged glances. I found Erin's statement hard to credit and Jerome certainly had doubts. Tamara and Beth seemed to be more into the possibility. Erin stood up, and smoothly removed her robe. All four of us took a deep breath, appreciating what we saw. Billy... Beth may have already been thinking of herself as a real girl, but even she could not help but be impressed by Erin's fine body, dressed only in a skimpy yellow bra and briefs. My, she was nice. "Now what I'm wearing is a slightly more exotic version of what you should wear every time you leave your home. As you can see, I have on a bra with matching panties. At a minimum, a girl is expected to wear some kind of underpants and a bra whenever she is in public. There really is no occasion you should ever be without panties." She suddenly gave a naughty smile. "Well, there is one occasion. Anyway, having your bra and panties match is not mandatory — in fact, it's quite normal not to. But I do like to have the set coordinate — it's... cuter that way." She giggled. "When sleeping, your breasts — as you've no doubt discovered — are quite sensitive and do need to be covered. Typically, a girl wears panties and either a sleep-shirt or a T-shirt to bed. Of course, there are all kinds of pajamas you can put on as well, including the famous baby-dolls that have lots of lace and ruffles. But usually, girls prefer to sleep in something practical." Then she began a detailed description of the different kinds of panties. Briefs, hipsters, bikinis, low-rise, high-cut and, most bizarre, thongs. And the different fabrics — cotton, nylon, Lycra, polyblends. She modeled a few different types for us — changing right in front of us. I enjoyed looking at her lovely curves, while realizing sadly that her nudity didn't bother her in the least — why should it? There were no boys in the room. And so she gave us a chance to see how the different fashions looked. God knows she looked good in all of them. "Now for bras. Women wear bras for modesty — you don't want to encourage guys by putting yourself on too much display. The goal for a girl is sexy, not slutty. A woman also wears a bra to keep her chest... under control. As you have all seen, things can bounce around quite a bit. A bra helps with that. As GB girls, you have a bit more in the breast department than many of your peers, so bras are all the more essential." That was followed by an even more extensive display of all the various types of bras — demi- cups, underwires, sports bras, and on and on. I noticed she did turn her back while changing — but I could still catch glimpses of her full chest. Quite fun. Then came slips. As Erin explained, many skirts and dresses are rather sheer — to prevent too much exposure, slips create a smoother, more subtle line. Pantyhose and stockings were discussed as well. "Fashion for teenage girls these days rarely requires slips and stockings on a regular basis. Most teen girls do wear dresses from time to time, but usually prefer bare-legs or tights. Tights are easier to put on, don't run so much, and create the feeling of wearing pants — which is reassuring when your hem of your skirt is no lower than your fingertips." I had absolutely no intention of wearing anything of the kind. Jeans would do just fine for me — I was not about to force myself into all this... this girl stuff. I knew I'd have to wear bras — one look at my prodigious chest made that abundantly clear. But as for the rest, I planned to take full advantage of the freedom girls had to wear the clothes of the opposite sex. As if on cue, Erin spoke again. "All this may seem ridiculous, but the key is to experiment and develop your own style. One of the greatest things about being a girl are all the options. A teenage girl can wear just about anything she wants. It's a blast to try on a dozen different sets of clothes and suddenly find an outfit that's... you! And you can count your blessings you were not a girl in the 1950s — where you would have been forced to wear dresses, crinolines, stockings and garters every single day." Jerome (she really needs to get a girl's name) and I shuddered at that. Even in the 21st century, dressing like a girl seemed — in Erin's words — ridiculous. I was growing weary of all this. We finally took a break and I went to see Janet Barlow, the GRS program manger. I asked her to place a call to my mom to have her pick me up. She expressed doubt about my readiness to leave GRS. "Are you sure, Stephanie?" I cringed at the sound of my new name (word had gotten around fast), but shook it off. "Yes, I am. I've completed the transition, my physical says I'm okay and I'm not really interested in getting my hair done or putting on make-up. I'll finish the paperwork — after that, I'm out of here." Ms Barlow sensed a bit of tension in my voice. "Jack... Stephanie, you need to understand something — bailing out of the course now will not improve your odds of success for a successful mental transition to womanhood. I know having all this thrown at you is overwhelming and you feel a need to escape, but you can't run away from your own body." "Look, I know what I am now — I'm just can't revel in it the way Billy... Beth does. I'm not trying to run away from anything, I just have to pace myself. If I need lessons on make-up and so forth, my mom can help me." "You say you know what you are. What are you, then?" she asked, looking at me pointedly. "I'm a girl," I replied, meeting her eyes steadily in return. "And?" she prompted. "I'm not a boy. I'm in no hurry to put on dresses or date people — but I know I'm female and I'll always be that way. I'm not going to waste any effort seeking to convince anyone I'm still a guy." I touched my chest. "I mean, what would be the point?" I was trying to project a sense of acceptance I didn't really feel. But I needed to get out of this environment — it was far too much to take in. Jesus, I'd just spent an hour learning about women's underwear! I'm not ready for more. "Stephanie, I get the feeling you may be resigned to being a girl, but you haven't really accepted it in your heart. We have more counseling sessions coming up today — I think you'd benefit." "Maybe another time, Ms Barlow. I know I'll take years to adjust to all this — but for the moment, I want to move at my own speed." That I was able to say honestly. She looked at me thoughtfully, nodded and placed the call to my mom. "She'll be here in an hour." Just as she was about to resume, the door to her office burst open and a distraught Jerome entered. She was in tears, her slim shoulders shaking with repressed sobs. "Are you okay?" Ms Barlow asked the beautiful black girl. Jerome struggled to reply. "I... I can't do this! I just can't be... like this!" Ms Barlow walked over and put a comforting hand on her arm. "Yes, you can. You're not alone — there are many people who've been through this before you and we all want to help." Jerome shrugged off Ms Barlow's arm. She began to cry uncontrollably — and clutched her breasts as if... As if she were trying to pull them off. "I'm a cunt!" she wailed. I just sat there, frozen in place. Ms Barlow quickly summoned one of the doctors, who gave the hysterical girl a sedative. After a few moments, she calmed down enough to be taken to an observation room. Shaken, I stared at the program director. She looked at me soberly. "What's going to happen to her?" I asked. "She's going to need a lot of therapy. This can happen with GB — the shock of transition, of having your identity forcibly changed can unbalance anyone. Jerome is in for a difficult time. There's a lesson for you here, Stephanie. I know you're a strong person. I know you're an outstanding athlete — yes, I read the sports papers, too. But don't make the mistake of thinking you can just 'gut it out'. You're going to need support to get through this — your journey has only begun. Do not, repeat, do NOT try to think like a man — one of the greatest aspects of being a woman is the ability to ask for help when you need it. "And you're going to need it, Stephanie. Every boy affected by GB does. You will survive this and even prosper — as long as you don't deny what you're feeling. You must face your emotions as a girl, and accept them. Otherwise, you may wake up a week, a month or even a year from now... like Jerome." I listened very carefully. "I understand... really. I'm not thrilled about any of this — but I won't keep things bottled up. I still want to leave GRS, but I'll do the follow-up work. Deal?" Ms Barlow studied me carefully. "You don't make deals with me, Stephanie — you make them with yourself. But I do have a good feeling about you, so I'll release you to your mother." And with that, I began 'outprocessing'. One of the huge advantages of having GRS managed by the state was taking care of all the legal business. There was even a representative from the DMV. In one hour, I had certified name-change documents, a new social security card and a new driver's license. I studied my license carefully. Name: Stephanie Lind. Height: 5'7". Weight: 119 lbs. Sex: Female. Good God. Such a simple thing — a little plastic card that proved Jack Lind no longer existed. Even... especially the picture. No one ever takes a good picture for her license, but I came close as I realized I was very photogenic — for a girl. It was such a shock to look at my photo — a cute, almost dainty, teenage female. In a way, it was just as surreal as looking in a mirror — objective proof of my new, albeit unwanted, femininity. I said goodbye to Tamara and Beth as they headed off for a makeover. We all expressed our worries about Jerome. We also exchanged e-mails and other contact info. They chucked as I wryly commented on how much easier it was for me to get phone numbers from pretty girls — now that I was one myself. I exchanged hugs with both of them. Beth seemed glowing and even Tamara appeared to be content with her fate. I just wished I could be where they were. And with that, I left GRS and headed for the parking lot where my mom was waiting. Ma Ma, Where's My Bra? I walked right up to her — I could tell she wasn't expecting me — not as I now was. I stopped a few feet away from her as the recognition dawned on her face. "Ja... Jack?" "Congratulations, Mrs. Lind. It's a girl!" I said self- mockingly. "Oh, my God — you're so pretty!" Mom said incredulously. "I just can't believe it!" "You and me both. Mom, I really don't want to hang around here — can we get on the road?" Her mind still in a whirl, she got into the driver's seat while I buckled in — noting how the shoulder strap across my chest stretched the fabric of my tank top and made my breasts seem even larger. Speaking of which... "Here's something I bet you never imagined your son saying — Mom, I need a bra." She looked at my chest for a full minute before starting the car. Shaken, she said, "I guess you do. We can go to the Milford..." "Not a chance, Mom. I know I've got to get some new clothes, but I want to do it here in Syracuse. Less likelihood of me running across someone I know." She nodded agreement as we headed for a local mall. While she drove, she kept sneaking glances over at me. In a way, I felt I had a bit of an edge here. I'd had a day to get used to my new sex — for my Mom, it was her first sight of her son as a girl. She was clearly off-balance. "Are you okay?" "I'm not in any pain, at least." "How does it feel?" "I can't even begin to describe it yet, Mom. It feels... weird. I've still got two arms, legs, eyes, etc. But the rest... I can't even talk about it." We fell silent until we arrived at the stores. I got out of the car with some trepidation. This was the first time I would be in public as a female. Nervously, I made my way into the mall with my mother. And immediately, my education began. Every single person who passed me looked at me. The women and girls seemed to be almost reproaching, though I saw some expressions of... envy? As for the guys, some did more than look. 'Ogle' would be a better term. Much of the attention was directed at my chest — still bouncing under my thin tank-top, the huge nipples poking through. A few guys were almost drooling. For the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to have someone 'undress me with his eyes'. I felt almost naked! This was very strange — and creepy. As a boy, I'd always been pretty much anonymous. Yeah, some of the girls said I was cute, but I was hardly the center of attention when I went out. But now... I realized I would never blend into a crowd again. General Patton once commented to his troops: "You are always on parade." Now I understood the civilian equivalent — if you're an attractive woman, you will always be on parade. I felt incredibly self-conscious. Maybe I could convert to Islam — the idea of a burkha was now appealing. I was amazed to see I couldn't wait to get into a bra. Anything to deflect attention from my breasts. We arrived at a JC Penny's and went to the teen clothing section. Just standing under the sign that said 'GIRLS' was unnerving. A saleswoman came up to us. "I'd like this young lady fitted for a brassiere," my mother said almost proudly. "Of course," the saleswoman replied. "And what size has she been wearing?" We were both silent for a moment at the obvious but unexpected question. "I... I really never wore one before," I stammered. "Oh," the saleswoman said uncertainly. "But with such a well-developed chest, you've never..." Then it hit her. "GB?" she finished. "Yeah," I said, eyes downcast. She seemed to brighten. "Actually, we get a fair number of girls from the clinic, since we're one of the closest stores. Let me take you in back, where we can be more... discreet." She was trying to be nice about it, chatting as we went to the fitting area — telling me how I would love being a girl — and how she had the perfect bra for me to wear. I fell glumly in line behind her. We arrived at the back, where she proceeded to stretch a measuring tape around me in a variety of ways. "You're a 34C," she reported. "Why, she's the same size as..." Mom paused. Wonderful. Just what every boy dreams of — for his chest to match his mother's. The saleswoman proceeded to select a variety of bras for me — I picked the plainest one of the lot. The straps and hooks were so... complicated! When the saleswoman offered to help me, I reluctantly accepted — I doubted I could figure it out on my own. We went into one of the dressing rooms, where I slowly removed my top. The assistant stared at me for a moment. "You're very pretty — and I'd kill for those breasts!" "I'd give them to you if I could, believe me." "I'm sorry. It's just that you GB girls all come out with such wonderful bodies. Most women would love to look like you." "Yeah, but the problem is, most men wouldn't." "I know," she said sympathetically. "Here, let me help you with that." And so I put on my first bra. It felt weird of course. But at least the cups were nice. The soft fabric against my sensitive nipples was rather pleasant and I was very glad to have them packaged up. But the straps felt awkward — I kept tugging at them, trying to get more comfortable. The saleswoman assured me the bra fit me properly — which meant I was going to have to get used to the sensation. I pulled my top back on and was relieved to feel less self- conscious. My chest still jiggled inside the bra — but things were more under control. I selected a half-dozen of the same style — white cotton with a satin lining. Then it was time for panties. I learned I was a size 5. Both women tried to get me into various frilly types, but I was adamant. A couple of packs of 'Jockey for Her' briefs — white cotton as well. Then I got a pair of sneakers (I was now a size 8 women's) and a very conservative pair of casual flats (novel terminology). Jeans were next. With my new configuration of waist and hips, I knew I'd have to wear girl's styles. I picked out a couple of the less ornamented kind and headed for the dressing room. While there, another girl had left the door of her booth half-open — she smiled at me as I walked by, completely relaxed in her pretty underwear. She was quite attractive and I had to turn my eyes away before I started to stare. I noticed with some dismay as I took off my pants that the sight of her had firmed my nipples up inside my bra. And the sight of myself in the mirror — a cute teen girl in her tank top and briefs — kept my arousal going. It was very strange. When I looked at my body directly, I felt no stimulation. But when I caught glimpses of my reflection, particularly in a state of undress — I could actually get turned on. It was as if the boy I'd been had become a voyeur — he was getting hot. But he was now in a girl's body — so his excitement could only manifest itself in a female way. He had no penis to make erect. Instead his panties... my panties grew wet. Without my willing it, my hand strayed closer to my crotch to... Oh! My mom called to me from outside the changing room. I stopped myself and struggled quickly into the jeans, noting the snugness of the fit around my hips. I also noted the gap between my tank top and the low-riding waistband of the girl's dungarees. My flawlessly flat tummy was now showing an inch or so of creamy skin in the fashion so popular with young women these days. Nevertheless, I could tell the jeans were a good fit for my changed form. We bought several pairs along with some simple pullover blouses. Mom kept steering me towards some dresses. She held one out — a ruffled pink number. "You'd look so sweet in this, honey. Don't you want to try it on?" "No, Mom. It's just not me." She looked disappointed. "Mom, I know you may have some mother-daughter shopping/bonding vision going here. But..." I actually grinned, "I'm not that kind of girl." "Are you sure?" "Very. I accept the basics — I'll wear a bra if for no other reason than to keep the boys away. But I'm not ready for anything else yet." "Oh, Jack, I don't think you'll ever keep the boys away. But I understand. We'll take it slow." Hearing the incongruity of my old name reminded me I hadn't told her my new one. I pulled my license out of my wallet and showed it to her. "Ste... Stephanie?" "It seems to work for some reason — I don't know why. I wasn't going to go with Sue — Johnny Cash already covered that one." She was silent for a moment. "I don't think I really appreciated how hard this is for you. You're not Jack any more, are you?" "No, I'm not. I'm mean... I was him and I still feel like him inside. But I know I can't live that life any more. The world's not going to change for me. I learned that at Girl School." "This is so surreal. I have a daughter named Stephanie. Good Heavens, how are you coping with this?" "I'm not sure, Mom. I don't like this at all, but I seem to be able to tolerate it. Not everyone does." I thought of Jerome. "I knew you were strong, Ja... Stephanie. You're proving me right." She hugged me then, and I felt comforted by her faith in me. We left the store and began the walk through the mall, back to the car. I refused to even look at the Victoria's Secrets shop. Mom didn't try to push me towards any more girly accoutrements, except for — a purse. I knew I had to have one — most girl's fashions didn't have pockets for wallets. I chose a very simple black style that would go with anything. Now I was fully outfitted — a bra, snug jeans, a pastel blouse, flats and a purse. I was a match for every girl I saw. I still got far too many looks for my taste — but at least the women weren't criticizing my previously braless state and the boys were slightly less overt in their attentions. Slightly. The other thing I was adjusting to was my new size. I'd lost 4 inches in height and about 30 pounds in weight. I was small again, like I had been before my growth spurt and I didn't like it one bit. Although I was still taller than the average girl, I no longer towered over them. Instead, nearly all the boys towered over me. I felt a sense of fragility that was very disconcerting. They're so much bigger than me! How could I ever stand up to them if they gave me trouble? I was glad when we made it to the car and began the drive home. I remained quiet as we headed back — staring at my so- slender arms. I was still having difficulty accepting my new status — small, weak, vulnerable... female. I knew exactly how boys thought. I knew what they felt when they saw me. I knew how sex and desire dominated most of their waking moments. Hell, I still felt it myself. Part of me wanted to molest my own body. But if a boy wanted to take advantage of me, there was no way I could fight him off. Even the puniest geeks could overpower me, now. As a guy, I'd grown up with the rough and tumble culture of physical competition. And until the last year or so (when I'd shot up in height), I'd been on the short end of the stick — so to speak. I'd been relieved to get my growth spurt and at the very least — if I got into some confrontation I couldn't handle — I could run away. There wasn't a kid in America who could outpace me once I got a lead on him. But now I was back where I started — physically fragile again. Only this was even worse. Now I was a girl, and every boy would try to... or at least want to... I found myself trembling at this line of thought. "Are you okay, sweetie?" my mom asked me. "How do you do it?" "Do what?" "How do you face the fact that any guy could... hurt you? I mean, we're so... fragile in comparison to men. Any of them could... force themselves on us and we couldn't possibly stop them." She thought about it for a moment. "You're really scared, aren't you?" "Yes." "You're scared of being raped." Just to hear the word filled me with horror — since I knew it could now happen to me. "Yeah — I'm scared of being..." I couldn't even say it. "Good." "What?!" I said in disbelief. "Ja... Stephanie, contrary to TV and the movies, the majority of sexual assaults are not perpetrated by strangers. Usually, the girl knows her attacker — acquaintances, dates, step-family and so forth. Now, most men and boys, as you know, may have a strong desire for women but they will behave themselves. If you draw a firm line, they won't cross it. But there are a few men who will. The majority of women learn at a young age how to tell the difference. Sadly, some women never do learn and fall victim over and over again." "But how does a woman tell — who's a good guy and who isn't?" "Observation, instinct and experience. That's what makes me worried for you, honey." I noticed that since I changed, my mother was calling me 'sweetie' and 'honey' a lot more. I never liked it before, but now... I didn't mind so much. "The challenge, Stephanie, is that you are so lovely — you're a very, very attractive young woman. But you don't have the years of growing up as a girl to handle it. It's like putting someone who never drove a car into Manhattan traffic during rush hour." Good analogy as we pulled up to our house. She continued. "So I'm glad to see you're scared. It's important for you to be thinking about these things. You don't have to live in fear — but you do need to be very cautious until you get used to the social consequences of being the pretty girl you are." "There is one advantage," I responded. "As a former guy, I do know how teenage boys have sex-on-the-brain 24/7. So I'm not that na‘ve about what they're interested in." "That's good. And you'll find, once you have a little practice, that you can control boys rather well." I flashed back to Erin's demonstration. "You just have to learn about the bad apples." I went to my room and stowed away my purchases. Mom had already boxed up my old clothes. God, my underwear drawer sure looked different! And as I surveyed my room, I wondered if it would become more feminine over time. Certainly the poster of a bikini-clad Carmen Electra was not something the average teenage girl would pin on her wall. Even more disconcerting was the thought that flashed briefly through my mind: how would I look wearing that bikini? I heard a footstep behind. I turned. It was Sue. It's hard to say which one of us was more shocked. I hadn't expected to see her until school. And she sure wasn't ready to see her boyfriend as a girl! Both of us remained in stasis, frozen in placed as we stared at each other. "Ja... Oh God! You're so... so... pretty!" she gasped. "Sue? I didn't know you were going to be..." "Your mother called me before she left to pick you up. I thought you might want to see a friendly face." She stepped up to me — I was only an inch taller than her now. She reached out her hand and gently touched my cheek. "You look so... feminine, and that hair — it's gorgeous! Is GB finished? It sure seems like it is. Are you really a girl... all the way?" I blushed and hung my head. "There's nothing to be ashamed about... Stephanie." I looked back up at her. "Your mom told me. Stephanie Lind. I like it!" "Sue... I..." "Shhh. I told you before how special you are to me. I'm here to help you — especially to get you through your first day of school. How 'bout we have a sleepover tonight?" "You mean the two of us, sleeping in the same room?" "Why not? We're both girls now — it's not like the town gossips can complain." I considered it for about one-tenth of a second. Gee, my lovely girlfriend, spending the night with me in her pajamas. "Uh... sure!" "Great," Sue responded. "Let's get some dinner." It was a weird meal. The three of us were a bit tentative, for obvious reasons. Mom and Sue had always gotten along — in fact, Mom had hoped Sue (who was the class salutatorian) would influence me into pulling my grades up to the highest in the school. But even though I was Jack on the inside, I was a whole new person on the outside. When Mom and Sue looked at me, they were seeing a stranger — a girl they'd never met before today. And even though intellectually they knew it was still me underneath it all — it was as if we had just been introduced for the first time. So our conversation was a lot more formal than it would have been otherwise. But as you may have picked up, I have a fatalistic sense of humor, which I was liberally using to cope with all of this. My various jokes and sarcastic remarks actually helped us in a way — we didn't have to tiptoe around what had been done to me. I told them about the theory that GB was an artificial creation and I'd been deliberately infected. They were both outraged. I also told them a little about Girl School. They giggled at my description of the lingerie class. "So now you know all about the frilly stuff we females have to wear," Sue smiled. "I would have rather found out the way most boys do — in the back seat of a car," I smiled back. We cleaned up the dishes. I spent a few minutes in the bathroom, brushing teeth and so forth. It was still surreal to see the girl in the mirror. I finished and turned the bathroom over to Sue. A short while later, she came into my bedroom. "I really admire how you're handling things, Stephanie. If I suddenly turned into a boy, I don't know what I'd do." "I'm hanging in there. But I'm also hanging out there," I said, pointing to my chest. "You've got quite a body, Stephanie." "I suppose. Seriously, I'm so glad you're here, Sue. It means a lot to me to have your support." "You'll always have it. Are you going to school tomorrow?" "I'm very nervous, but I think I will. I mean, it's not like staying home will make me any less of a girl. I might as well get it over with." "Good for you. I'll ride in by your side — if anyone even looks cross-eyed at you, I'll..." She said that so fiercely I couldn't help but be touched by her protective manner. I reached out and gave her a hug, which she held closely for several moments. Then my nipples started to firm up inside my bra. She was still my girlfriend after all! I may have changed, but she remained the delightful young woman I'd fallen in love with. But Sue released the hug — I could tell she had felt my physical response to her. We looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, then looked away. "I guess we'd better get to bed," I said. We pulled out our sleepshirts. Shyly, we stripped off our clothes. This was the first time I'd ever seen Sue in her underwear. I couldn't help but sneak peeks at her. The bra she wore was white nylon and layered with lace. Her panties were also white nylon, with lace around the waist and a cute pattern of flowers sprayed across the seat. Sue always had been a very feminine girl — her taste in clothes clearly reflected that. And to see her lovely body in such an intimate setting was appealing. I then had a curious feeling: My simple white cotton panties seemed... drab and inelegant when compared to hers. I really thought her undies were pretty. But was it that I liked how the panties looked on Sue? Or how they might look on me? Was I jealous of my girlfriend's underwear? Jesus, what was happening to me? I slowly pulled off my bra — rubbing my skin where the straps had left marks. Now she peeked at me, apparently fascinated by my chest — just as I was with hers, which she revealed as she removed her own bra. My breath caught in my throat as my sexy lady stood before me — dressed only in skimpy panties, her small, perky breasts bobbing slightly. Lord, she was hot! We both just stared at each other for a moment, but for different reasons. Me — I was drooling over finally seeing Sue in a nearly nude state. But Sue was looking at me in wonder, not lust — assessing what her boyfriend had become. "God, Stephanie... you really are all girl!" she exclaimed. Standing there in just my female briefs — with the eerily flat crotch that matched hers, I guess it was kind of obvious. "It's incredible — most of us would die to look like you!" "Don't sell yourself short, Sue — I'm impressed by what I'm seeing as well." We pulled on our sleepshirts and got into bed. That was another dramatic change from manhood. Guys never shared a bed. When Hal had stayed over at my place, he'd slept on the carpet — just as I had done at his house. Sure, we had double beds, but it was an unwritten rule that we never used them together. But girls? It seemed to be perfectly normal for two girls crash on the same mattress. Sue hadn't even hesitated. I suppose there's some psychological background for all that. I'll figure it out some other time. Dammit! This was supposed to be my dream come true. I'm in bed, lying next to Sue Wendell in her nightie! To be where I was now, every guy in the school would have given his left testicle. But then again, I'd lost both of mine. So now I had this incredible opportunity — and I couldn't do anything about it. Or could I? We lay side by side in the dim light, staring up at the ceiling, not talking at all. Then I slowly reached to take Sue's hand — which seemed larger than before. That, of course, was because my own hand was smaller. I tried to interlace our fingers instead of cupping palms — it took a moment before she responded in kind. I then moved my arm across her torso, snuggling up to her. Much to my consternation, my breasts pressed against her, distracting me slightly from the seduction I was attempting. I reached out to touch her face, and gently turned her head towards me. There was a nervous look in her eyes. My motions had raised the hem of her nightshirt, revealing the pretty underpants I'd admired earlier. Unfortunately, it had done the same to me, so as I pressed closer to her, our panties brushed together in an affirmation of our mutual femininity. Still determined, I gave her cheek a light, but long kiss. While doing so, I caressed her left breast, feeling the nipple (all too much like my own) harden. Sue was motionless through all of this — not resisting, but not responding either. My body was responding, though. My own nipples were quite hard and I sensed a... glowing through both my breasts. And for the first time, I felt a familiar rush of blood to my groin. Only this time, I didn't grow hard. I grew... soft. I felt an odd, almost spongy feeling between my legs and I became aware that my panties were damp in certain places. The strangeness of the sensation warred with the pleasure of it. Very weird, but very nice. Mmmm. Even with this new body, it was so fun to cuddle with my lovely girlfriend! My enthusiasm grew and as I continued to stroke her breasts, I rolled on top of her in a classic male position. Sue and I have never achieved this level of intimacy before — if becoming a girl was what it took to get her into my bed, maybe it was all worth it! Below me, she remained quiet as we both adjusted to our breasts pressing against each other through our thin nightshirts. I was definitely getting more aroused — aware of my full chest and feminine crotch as I lay on her. I felt a new warmth building between my legs. I leaned my head forward to kiss her — meeting her sweet lips with mine. My long hair fell down around both our faces. She reacted tentatively. I opened my mouth slightly for our tongues to touch as they had done for so many wonderful kisses before. Yet her mouth remained closed. And as I glanced into her eyes — I could see only one emotion reflected there. Revulsion. God bless her, she was trying. But I could not deny the harsh reality. Sue did not desire me anymore, not physically. There was no spark, no magic. Oh, I wanted her as much as ever. But she no longer felt the same about me. She wasn't even capable of having that passion for me. For Sue, the idea of having sex with another girl was repellent. She was a girl who liked boys. And I was not a boy. Not anymore. With matching cries of anguish, we pulled apart. "Stephanie, I'm sorry!" she gasped. "I just can't be... that way with you." I sat on the edge of the bed and looked disconsolately down at my flawlessly smooth legs. I sighed deeply. "It's not your fault, Sue. I think... I think I knew all along it couldn't work between us anymore." "Stephie... Jack... I love you so much. But you're like me now! It's not the same. I mean, I want to want you — I really do. But..." "I'm still Jack on the inside, Sue. I feel like I've loved you my whole life! Even now I want you... but I know that... we're girls. Both of us." The finality was crushing. We were in tears at this point. "It's hard for me too, Ja... Stephanie, whoever you are. God, my sweet handsome boyfriend is now prettier than me, and he... he has bigger breasts, to boot!" "Nobody's prettier than you, Sue. But I do understand. If GB had left me alone and turned you into a guy... I doubt I ever could have..." We fell into each other's arms, but there was no eroticism now. We just hugged, while I mentally cursed the softness of my chest that matched hers. We spent the next few minutes actually sobbing into one another's shoulders. We wept for what was lost, for what might have been. It was the most poignant moment of my life. I'd dreamed that Sue and I had been destined for one another. I'd feared I might lose her to someone else, or that she might become tired of me. But I never dreamed I'd lose her because I'd grown a vagina! Yet that was exactly what had happened. Sue and I were the same gender now and we could never attain that near- mystical union of male and female — as a boy and a girl. She smiled at me sadly and took my hand. She led me over to the full-length mirror. "Look at us, Stephanie. We're both going to be women. And I don't think we're cut out to be lesbians — neither of us look like the chicks from t.A.T.u." "No," I smirked. "We're cuter than they are." She laughed. "Damn straight, girl! You may not want to be this way, Stephanie, and Lord knows I wish you were still Jack — but you do have a lovely body and I'm hoping you can learn to take pride in it. Nobody likes a girl who's conceited about her looks, but if she can quietly enjoy her appearance — it really helps with her self-confidence." "So that's why you always seem so emotionally 'together'! Because you know how gorgeous you are." She looked at me with a fond smile. She cupped my face with her hands and stared intensely into my eyes. "Listen to me, Stephanie Lind. We have lost, but we have also gained. You're my girlfriend now and I will always, always be there for you. You never had any siblings before — but you do from this day forward. We're sisters, you and me. Now and forever." I felt my heart skip a beat. I knew this was no exaggeration, no hyperbole. When Sue said something, she meant it! All my life it had just been me and my mom — I'd always felt a little lonely at that. But not any more. Sue and I were going to have a lifelong connection. It might not be the one we had expected — but I sensed (somewhere deep in my newly feminized psyche) that it would be just as fulfilling. I felt a storm of emotion come over me. In tears once again — but this time happier ones — I hugged her tightly. I sort of had a sister! Feeling more positive, we got back into bed. We snuggled up next to each other and doused the lights. It was bittersweet — for I still had sexual feelings for Sue. You don't just turn those off. But I was also catching a hint of the emotional bond that could form between two girls - and it was very powerful in its own right. It didn't take long to fall asleep. Waking up the next morning with a young woman in my bed was a little disconcerting — but as we greeted each other it seemed more natural. Already, we were adjusting to our new relationship. After we had a quick breakfast, I took a shower. I still had to struggle to keep my hands from wandering around my feminine crotch. Last night's arousal had sparked an interest in those... nether regions — but I wasn't prepared to explore my new sexuality just yet. Besides, given the astonishing length of time it took to wash my hair, I had no minutes to spare. It was heavy and took like, forever to dry. The part fell straight down the middle — I made no attempt to style it — I let it hang naturally, draping down below my shoulders. I wrapped a towel around myself and headed for my bedroom. I was very nervous over what was to come — my first day of school as a girl. When I got to my room, however, both Sue and my mom were waiting expectantly. "We thought we'd offer you a choice, today," Mom said — pointing to the bed. Laid out on it were two outfits. The first consisted of a pair of jeans, a simple pullover, sneakers and a set of the very basic underwear we'd bought yesterday. As for the second outfit... My breath caught in my throat. There was a matching pink lace bra and panty set, a pretty red blouse and a... a skirt! A pleated, tartan kilt! Sue and Mom were smiling at me. "You've got to be kidding," I said. "Didn't you tell us about that girl Erin you met at GRS? She wore a skirt her first day," Mom replied. "Yeah... but..." "And didn't she say it helped her to fit in, to be treated more like a young woman?" "But..." "And aren't you just a little bit curious about what it would feel like?" "Umm..." Sensing I was weakening, Sue chimed in. "Stephanie — there's something else to consider. You are... were the first boy to get GB in Milford — but you may not be the last. You're popular and successful and you'll be out of here in a couple of months. The next boy might not be so lucky. He could be 15, a social outcast, and stuck for three more years in this school — all alone in the body of a girl. The way you handle your transition is going to set the stage for all the guys who come after you." It was Mom's turn. "If you can convince everyone that you're truly female — and it shouldn't take long with that face — then it will go easier for the next person. Let's face it, Stephanie — this is a small town — one way or another, you're going to leave a legacy." "Your mother and I have talked about this," Sue said. "The choice is yours. But you should know I'm going to wear a skirt myself today. Why not join me?" She smiled winningly. Then they left me alone with the two outfits. Decision time. Yes, Erin had argued a persuasive case for dressing in a feminine manner right from the start. And yes, I'd already accepted the necessity of wearing a bra. But that was just it — necessity. I had to wear bras to protect my very sensitive breasts and to keep the boys from drooling any more than... normal. But wearing a skirt was optional — which took me to another plane of womanhood. Unlike a bra, I could ignore dresses and so forth. So if I voluntarily put on a skirt, it meant that I was saying to the world — "I'm happy being a girl!" Was I ready for that? Not really. But then I thought of Sue's comment about the next boy to get GB. She was right — since I was the first, my experience would shape his. If everyone thought of me as some androgynous freak — then I would be treated accordingly. I only had a short time left at this school — I could tough it out no matter what. But the next guy might not be so lucky. On the other hand, if everyone saw me as a true girl — inside and out, then that next GB victim would have an easier time of it. Also, I've been a runner for a long time. That means dealing with a lot of physical and mental pain. I can be a stubborn son-of-a-bitch. Correction: I can be a stubborn bitch. Besides, I WAS very curious. What the hell. I picked up the pretty pink panties and stepped into them. The white lace caressed my smooth thighs as I pulled them into place. Oh! The sensation of the silky soft nylon sent a tingle all over my hips. I traced a finger over the satiny fabric and felt a shiver. Wow! That was certainly different from 'Jockey for Her' briefs. God, my crotch was so smooth and flat! I then strapped on the matching bra, lavished with lace, placing my breasts in the soft cups and working the front clasp gingerly. I took a quick look in the mirror. It was remarkable how I appeared even more girly in the frilly underwear — and my, it was sexy. The panties were sheer enough to show a hint of the inverted triangle that was my pubic 'bush'. I didn't have a lot of hair down there, but it did follow the natural female pattern. I pulled the blouse over my head — and over my breasts. Then came the moment of truth. I put on the skirt — a little awkwardly at first — working the elastic waistband all the way to my belly button. It was a dark pleated plaid kilt that fell to about two inches above my knee. Not very short by teenage girl standards — but it still felt as though I was indecently dressed. White knee socks, black flats and my purse completed the ensemble. Another trip to the mirror. God, I was cute! The classic picture of an adorable schoolgirl — and I'm her? I stared at myself — it was stunning how the clothes dramatically enhanced my femininity. What was also stunning was the brief sense of delight I took in my appearance. I felt a strange fluttering sensation in my tummy as I realized part of me was starting to like my new look. It felt... special. Special in a way that I'd never felt as a boy. There was a knock at the door. Mom and Sue entered. I looked at them nervously. Mom spoke first. "Oh honey, you look delightful." "That outfit is definitely you," Sue chimed in — looking pretty hot in her own short blue skirt. "It's hard to believe I have a lovely daughter." "Mom, is it just me, or are you taking a bit of pride in the fact that I might be cute?" "Well, it is kind of a nice reflection on me, too." I responded. "Don't worry, Mom — you still got it, and then some." "Stephanie, I'm really proud of you myself," Sue added. "Just one more thing." She stepped up to me and began to lift the hem of my kilt. I nearly said "eek!" She told me to relax and she fastened a large safety pin in the classic preppie manner I'd seen other girls do. "We'll have to work on accessorizing later — but you're definitely going to be a hit. You look great. Let's get the bus." With a final hug from my mom, we headed outside. "Oh, and Sue?" my mother stopped us with an impish expression. "Yes, Mrs. Lind?" "Make sure she keeps her knees together. We don't want any boy getting a peek at her panties — they're so pretty she might be tempted to show them off." "Mother!" I cried out, flaming red with embarrassment. Sue laughed. "I'll teach her how to sit like a lady." Mortified, I headed for the corner while they both chuckled. God, it was strange to wear a skirt! I felt as though I had no pants on — which of course was true. When I stood still, I couldn't sense any clothing below the waist. I was so... exposed! And the breeze gently swirling up my kilt didn't help. Sue saw me clutching my hem. "Don't worry, Stephanie — you're perfectly dressed." For a girl. "I feel half-naked!" "That's because you are. We both are," she said, holding out her own skirt. "But you'll get used to it. Of course, I've been wearing dresses since I was little — so I've had more time. Admit it, though — it's fun, isn't it?" "No! Well... maybe." She took my hand. "You're a pretty girl in a pretty outfit, Stephanie — and you've got me by your side. You'll be fine." The bus approached and she released my fingers. I realized a little sadly that we couldn't hold hands in public any more. At least not in Milford. New Girl in School We got onto the bus. I had more butterflies in my stomach than ever before. I'd been riding this bus for 10 years now — Otto the Busdriver Man (who was also a local farmer) had been behind the wheel every day. He just stared at me with an amazed expression. One duplicated by every kid on the bus. Even though I'd changed sex and looked quite different, most of the kids already knew I'd been hit with GB. Plus, this was my house — so they were able to deduce who I was very quickly. All conversation stopped as Sue and I took our seats. I made sure to smooth my skirt under me. Everyone turned to stare and I was very grateful for my friend's presence. Then the whispers started. "Holy... is that really Jack?" "Jesus — he sure looks like a girl!" "Get a load of that chest." "It's not fair — how come he gets to be cuter than me?" "She's... I mean he's a babe!" "Nice legs." "I wonder where she got that pretty blouse?" "Damn — he's even hotter than his girlfriend." "He's giving me a semi — does that mean I'm gay?" "I love her hair — she must use a really good conditioner." It was impossible to ignore all the comments. But I took heart in that no one seemed to think I was a boy in drag. At least they acknowledged I was female on the outside. Of course, looking at my full breasts pushing out my top and my creamy thighs projecting from my hem, it was an easy call. One of the kids in front of us turned around. It was Arleen Larkin, an attractive girl from one of the farms down the road. She was the quiet type, shy — fond of wearing dresses a lot — a very feminine young woman. She wore her wheat- colored hair at shoulder-length and she had a more rounded figure than me (it's still hard to believe I have a figure!) We'd been bus buddies for years — but I didn't know anyone who was really close to her. She stared at me in wonder for a moment. "Jack, you look so... great!" There was a delighted expression on her face, as if she were... glad this had happened to me. "Thanks — I'm still trying to figure it all out." "Well, I think you're beautiful! And I love your outfit. It's so cool you wore a skirt on your first day. How do you like being a girl?" She was almost gushing. "How do YOU like being one?" I answered back. "Yeah, I see what you mean. What I meant was, do you like it better than being a boy?" I paused for a moment. "Not yet, Arleen. I still miss the old me. But... I think I can live with this." "I know you can, Jack. You just need to give it a little time." She continued to ask questions all the way in — she appeared actually giddy over my new form. It was remarkable - I'd captured more of her attention today than I had in the previous year. What was going on here? There was no time to dwell on it as we arrived at the school. With my heart in my throat and Sue by my side, I went into the large building. And everywhere I went, I was gawked at. At first, the kids were just checking me out — sort of a "who's the new girl?" matter. But as people put two and two together, I seemed to be on center stage. I also felt as if I were a walking mute-button — I silenced all talk for a 20-foot radius around me. Sue took my arm — at least we could still touch each other — had we both been guys, it would have been hands off. A little shaky, we made it to the administrative office. The GRS staff had consulted with the school — the paperwork of gender and name change already been set up. But I did need to sign some forms and so forth. The two secretaries were apparently delighted with my femininity. "Isn't she just the cutest thing?" I overheard one say. Mixed feeling here — I didn't like being a cute thing, and yet... I also saw the principal — Mr. Grogan. He came out of his office while I was finishing up. "So you're Stephanie, now?" he said. I felt a little uncomfortable as he looked me up and down — his eyes lingering on my breasts and my bare legs. I suddenly wished I weren't wearing a skirt. There was just something about the way he... well, 'leered' would be too strong a word, but it seemed like that anyway. "Yes, Mr. Grogran," I replied, a bit intimidated. "You're the first person I've ever seen who's gone through GB. You certainly turned out to be a lovely little lady. Yes, very lovely indeed," he said slowly, creeping me out even more. He was a tall man, with a full head of dark hair. I'd heard some of the female teachers refer to him as a handsome guy — but the girls said he made them feel uneasy. I could now see why. Maybe I can accept boys drooling over me... after all, I used to be one myself so I can have a little sympathy for them. But a grown man? Ugh. He continued. "Well, young lady, I know you're going through a lot of adjustments. If you ever need to talk, my door is always open." "Thank you, Mr. Grogan." Sue quickly took my arm again and pulled me out the door. I could still feel him watching me as I walked away. "That was bizarre," I said to Sue. "He's always been that way. He's never touched anyone as far as I know, but it still feels..." "Degrading?" I finished. "Yeah. How come some men are like that, Stephanie?" "I think they just never finish growing up. One thing's for sure — I'm going to steer clear of him." "I guess your feminine intuition is kicking in." I smiled at that. "God knows I need it — the way I look now." While walking to my locker I was still adjusting to my very female outfit. The silky panties caressed my butt in a quite stimulating way. The lace on the leg bands tickled me near some very personal places. Boxers had never captured my attention like this! And I continued to be intrigued by the skirt — the way it swirled around my thighs, the hem gently swaying as I walked. I felt this sensation of being... open, somehow. I can't really describe it — but wearing a skirt made me feel more girly, more cute and more... vulnerable all at the same time. I did notice with relief that I was adopting some of the mannerisms I'd seen on other females. I constantly reached up to brush my hair back from my face — a routine that was becoming automatic. I occasionally tugged on the straps of my bra, gently stretching across my slim shoulders. My hips swayed just by walking — I didn't have to try to move like a girl... I just did it. My arms swung a bit wider than before, to account for my new anatomy. I still felt a little clumsy in this body, despite its natural grace — but I did appear like a real young woman. Hardly my choice, of course — but I felt less freakish than before. You may think it odd that I truly wanted to act like a girl — but my goal was simple: just fit in. Next to my locker, I spotted Becky and Hal. Unlike before, they weren't holding hands — though they appeared to be having a spirited conversation. They turned to look at us. "Ja... Jack?" Becky said uncertainly. "In the flesh," I responded. "Albeit a little differently shaped." "Good Lord, you're adorable!" You know, that reaction was becoming less bothersome to me as time went by. "How do you like it so far?" "I'd like it a lot more if this damn bra didn't dig into me so much," I said, struggling once again with the straps. "Ah, the price of femininity," Becky commiserated. "But with a chest like yours, it's par for the course." "I'd rather be a couple of strokes under par than over it. How do you all ever get used to these things?" "Years of practice. You never got a chance to wear a training bra, so for you it's like going from fifth grade to the varsity team in one weekend." Meanwhile, Hal just gazed at me, stunned. It was so odd to have to stare up at him now. I saw an expression in his eyes I'd seen before — when he'd looked at Becky. Uh, oh. She grabbed one of my arms and Sue took the other. "Time for some girl talk, Hal — no boys allowed," Becky said as they hustled me down the hall. I thought I saw a look of wistfulness on Hal's face and I was amazed to feel a hint of smugness as we both realized I'd just gained entrance to a private club he could never join. We arrived at a quiet corner where I explained my name change and gave Becky an abbreviated version of my Girl School experiences. "I'm impressed, Stephanie. You seem to be handling this so well. I told you it would work out." "Becky, not to get your hopes up, but the jury's still out. I'm not sure about anything yet, especially how I'm going to pee while in this getup." "Don't worry. You'll figure it out. Speaking of which — Sue, how the heck did you get her into a skirt?" "Oh, just a little peer pressure," Sue replied. "She won't admit it, but I think she's starting to like it." Both girls turned to me. "Well, I wouldn't go that far — let's just say I'm giving it a chance." "You go, girl," Becky said — half mocking, half serious. "Remember, I'm on your side, too." With that, I went to homeroom. Everyone froze in place — gazing at me while I took Jack's chair. The attendant called my old name, I had to correct her in that breathy, little-girl voice I'd acquired. The usual whispers began. While sitting there, I noticed a boy a couple of rows ahead had bent over to tie his shoe. He seemed to be taking a long time, until I realized what was going on. He was peeking up my skirt! Being a veteran of such techniques in my younger days, I knew how easy it was to catch a 'money shot' if a girl was not alert. Which was the problem — my knees were a few inches apart. Not much, but enough to give him a thrill. Instantly, I crossed my legs — blushing the whole time. All right, I will admit it — I was beginning to enjoy wearing pretty panties. But there was no way I wanted to model them for the guys! From that point forward, I kept my thighs practically welded together under my skirt. During the next two classes, I got lots of comments from the other (other!) girls about my looks, my clothes and so on. Most of them were positive — in fact, a surprising number of girls seemed to believe my transformation was actually cool. Their attitude was that going from boy to girl could be construed as a... promotion. I was a long way from that — I still felt as though I'd been downsized. Literally. On the other hand, the guys were more distant — socially that is. It was for sure they were checking me out intensely. But I could tell they were rattled by it all. And I knew why. On the one hand, I was an attractive young woman — and they were attracted. On the other hand, they knew I used to be a guy — so there was that whole homophobia thing going on. Fine with me. I wanted the boys to give me some space. By this point, I was beginning to enjoy some of the social aspects of being a girl. The clothes were awkward, but kind of fun. I did seem to be connecting with the other ladies of the class in a deeper way. And the bond I was forming with Sue and Becky was nearly exhilarating. But I remained intensely intimidated by my sexuality. I didn't even want to deal with my vagina myself, let alone have any boys go there. And let there be no mistake — I knew exactly what the boys wanted from me. Actually, that's not fair. When I thought back to my prior romance with Sue, the magic of being in love with a girl was much more than just physical. And I'd spent enough time with guys like Hal to know that many of them really did want a relationship that went beyond fumbling around the couch. There were guys who could emotionally act as if they were something more than a collection of teenage hormones. But despite that awareness, I just wasn't ready. Hell, I didn't know if I could even be aroused by a boy! After all, last night I'd attempted to seduce my girlfriend — I was still... enthusiastic about women's bodies — despite having one of my own. Between classes, I endured another initiation into femininity — a trip to a public bathroom. I stood outside the door marked with the doll-like representation of a female. Interesting how the gender distinction in clothing is so profound that using the icon of a figure in a dress was sufficient to identify the facility as 'for women only'. Even more interesting as I realized how universal the symbol was — even overseas. I took a deep breath and entered the bathroom. This was my first trip to forbidden territory — last week I could have gotten detention for walking in here. Immediately, I was struck by how the place smelled a lot better than the boy's restroom. And then there were only stalls. As I moved toward the center, one girl was at the mirror — working on her makeup. She smiled at me as she walked out — no shriek of protest at a boy sneaking in. To her, I was simply another girl. That fact was driven home as I looked at the infamous 'gumball machine' — the term I'd heard girls use to describe the maxipad dispenser. Just like an arcade game - a quarter a play. I stared at the small vending contraption in wonder — realizing how far I'd come across the great divide. Up to now, I hadn't really thought all that much about my periods. I mean — I knew I was going to have them, but only in the abstract. Now though, the stark reality of my impending womanhood was right in front of me. With a shuddering breath, I entered one of the stalls. Obviously, this was going to be different. I slowly lifted the hem of my plaid skirt, revealing those ever- so-cute panties I was wearing. Struggling, I held the skirt up with my forearms while I hooked my thumbs in the lace waistband, sliding my pretty underpants down my thighs. I sat — careful to keep my skirt raised. The position was faintly humiliating — no one was there to see me, of course — but I still felt embarrassed. Skirt hiked up to my waist, underwear pulled down — not much dignity in that. I finished, wiped, etc and went to wash my hands. In the mirror, I gazed at the utterly female face reflected back. This was my life now. I'm this girl. God, how did this happen to me? You have to understand, I'd embarked on an uncertain journey towards mental girlhood. With GRS and also with Sue, Becky and my Mom I felt as if I were making progress in accepting who I now was. But in moments like these, when I was alone, doing something new and uniquely female — I backslid a little. The sense of loss, of Jack, of the boy I once was seemed to strike me harder whenever I was confronted with additional proof of my new role as a girl. My eyes grew moist and I sniffled a bit. I guess I just missed my old life. I took a second deep breath and headed out the door. I was also dealing with another new hassle — my purse. I wasn't used to carrying the damn thing — I kept leaving it behind and racing back to get it before the next ball rang. Other than my wallet, I didn't even have anything in it. Although (as my recent trip to the restroom had demonstrated) I'd have to stock it up sometime in the next 28 days. I had another interesting encounter in between classes. Our discus thrower, Big Mark Williams (BMW) — all six-feet six of him — came over to my locker. If he'd seemed large before, he now loomed over me as if he were Andre the Giant. The shadow he cast felt like an eclipse. At best, I came up to his chest. I tilted my head way, way back and met his eyes. He checked me out from head to toe (in a nice way), smiled kindly and reached one hand (the size of my head) to pat my shoulder. "Looking good, dude." Then he lumbered off. Now that was cool. No mocking, no leering, just a friendly appreciation for my new appearance. Guys, if you want to make a girl feel at ease (especially if she used to be a boy), that's the way to do it. That led me to my next challenge — gym class. For me, phys- ed was rather redundant — I got far more exercise during track practice. But it beat sitting around some study hall, so I always went through the routine. Not so routine today. I squared my shoulders, tried to calm my racing heart and slow my breathing. Then I walked into the girl's locker room. Mute-button time again. Complete silence as I made my way to the locker I'd been assigned. The room was laid out just like the boy's side. My locker was painted the same color. The benches were mounted in the usual place. Yep, just like before. Except for the thirty or so half- naked girls around me. I tried very hard to keep my eyes to myself — despite the astonishing variety of female bodies on display. The last thing I wanted was to find myself ostracized further by causing the other girls to feel as though I was drooling over them. Which of course, I was. Some of these ladies had been the target of admiring glances since my buddies and I were in the sixth grade. And now I was seeing them in their underwear. It took all my mental discipline to focus my eyes on my locker and the simple task of changing clothes. I slipped slowly out of my skirt and pulled off my top. A few girls had actually covered themselves when I came in — and were clearly still reluctant to reveal their bodies to me. The whispers started again. "I can't believe they let him in here." "Yeah — but isn't that bra and panty set cute?" "Jesus, do you think they're real?" "Nah — she stuffs. I'm sure of it." "Well, she sure doesn't look like a boy." "I don't care — they should have kicked him out of school. What a pervert — trying to act like he's a real girl." Fuck that. I'd had enough. My turn. "All right, everybody, a moment of your time, please!" I had every head facing me instantly. Still standing in my matching pink underwear, I continued, speaking firmly in my soft soprano. "I know some of you may not want me here. If it's any consolation, I don't want to be here either. Milford has lots of very pretty girls, but it's not like I volunteered for a lifetime of periods just to sneak a peak at you. Y'all are cute — but nobody's that cute. Fact is — we're stuck with this. So we might as well live with it. I promise not to make a pass at anybody in this room. In turn, maybe you can help me figure out what to do if the boys make passes at me. Besides, I don't have anything you don't have." And with a theatrical flourish, I took off my bra. This was a bit of dirty pool, for I had a secret weapon. Two of them, to be precise. There was a whooshing sound - dozens of sudden intakes of breath. I knew from the comments I'd received at Girl School that GB females had rather special chests. I'd confirmed that upon seeing Sue and catching brief glimpses of the girls in this room. I'm not trying to be arrogant here, but I knew my breasts were exceptional compared to the average teenager. As a "C" cup, I was large, but not overly endowed (for which I was very grateful). And my breasts were perfectly formed, like wide- rimmed champagne glasses. So between their size, shape and firmness — I knew I had quite a pair. The other girls stared at my breasts with looks of pure jealousy. And for the first time, I took a little pride in having the damn things. They sure were a conversation stopper! As I reached for my sports bra, I made certain the smugness I felt was not revealed on my face. Standing there in just a very skimpy pair of sheer panties, my female sex could not possibly be denied. Which was exactly what I'd intended. I would have jumped at a chance to go back, but if I had to be a girl, I didn't want anybody doubting it. As GRS had taught me, sexual ambiguity doesn't play well — particularly in a hick town like Milford. By the end of this day, the thirty girls in my gym class will have reported every detail of my new body to all the other girls in the school. And that would make my transition a lot easier. Of course, the guys will end up getting the same report, but there wasn't a lot I could to do about that. I pulled on my sports bra, noting how it flattened my chest and seemed to keep me from flopping around as much. The other girls resumed their normal discussions, although I noticed Arleen Larkin, my bus buddy, still casting glances at me. There was a look in her eyes that was vaguely familiar and I began to get a little suspicious. The class was volleyball. As I played I noticed a little less hot dogging and a little more team spirit amongst the girls than when I was a boy. I was still settling in to my body, so I felt awkward. I kept jumping for blocks I could have made before, but was now too short to reach. The net was so high! Still, I was able to help my side to victory. Between that and my locker room performance earlier, some of the girls started to relax around me. A few were a bit hostile yet, but things were thawing somewhat. I got a lot of curious questions, about whether I liked being a girl better and so forth. I was noncommittal — told them I was still trying to figure it all out. Which was true, as far as it went. But I was also engaging in some diplomacy. If I projected a morose, bitter, doom and gloom attitude, the other girls might find it insulting. I didn't want to give the impression that I believed being a girl was degrading. Besides, was it really so bad? Nothing truly terrible had happened to me so far. The whole thing was surreal, yes — but not awful. As we left the court, I saw Coach Bradford — I ran over to him. "Hello, Stephanie." "You recognize me, Coach?" "I'd know that stride anywhere. You sure do..." I filled in the blank. "I know," I sighed. "I'm cute." He laughed. "Actually, I was going to say you sure do need a new uniform. We've got our next meet against Oxton tomorrow. I expect you to be there." "Coach, I'm not sure if I..." "Remember your promise, Stephanie? You said you'd do one competition under the clock. I'm holding you to that." I was very nervous about running again. I already knew the verdict — my miler days were finished. Volleyball was a subjective thing — but the stopwatch was not. Once I did the race, the proof of my physical inferiority as a female would be complete. But I had promised him. "Okay." "Good. Then let's get you your new outfit." He led me to a supply closet where the track team uniforms were stored. After a few embarrassing questions about my measurements, he handed me the gold top and blue bottom (Milford's school colors) along with the matching sweats. The fabric was much softer and stretchier than my old uniform. I took the gear from him reluctantly. "You're all set, Stephanie. I'll see you at practice tonight — then tomorrow, we'll see what you can do as a girl." He still had that glint in his eye. I wondered what was up. "Oh, and Stephanie?" I turned to him. "You are cute," he smiled at me. I returned to the locker room and began to change back into my street clothes. I did notice the others changing as well — I was amazed at the variety of underwear. No two girls had on the same style panties. It was a riot of patterns and materials. Clearly, girls chose to express their individuality through their taste in lingerie. I wondered if it was possible to draw any conclusions between what a girl wore on the outside versus what she wore underneath. Was the shy girl in baggy clothes trying to make a personal statement in sporting a sexy bikini set next to her skin? Even though she knew no boy would see it? Especially if she knew no boy would see it? Freud might have had a field day — if he'd put down the cocaine long enough. Still, he did say the greatest mystery in psychology was trying to figure out 'what do women want?" Damned if I know, either. I pulled on my skirt, and finished getting dressed. Contrary to what you may have seen in the movies, most high school girls do not shower after gym class. Underwear and even bare breasts were one thing — full nudity was not. Despite there being no boys anywhere, we washed up at the sinks. Another culture change. And so my day continued. From time to time, I ran across Sue or Becky, who gave me thumbs up. I was also settling into this body more. And I had to admit something to myself: I liked having a vagina. I know, I know! It's so bizarre to say — but it was true. I felt so, so comfortable between my legs — no constant shifting of the manly hydraulics. I could cross my thighs with ease (which was very essential in this skirt) and it seemed more aesthetically pleasing in an odd way. Neater. Nicer. More... attractive. It's difficult to describe. If you're a man reading this, the sense of loss would appear to be the greatest trauma you could face. No more penis? Shades of John Bobbit! I know I felt that way when I first learned of GB. But the reality of the female crotch was much different. I didn't feel bereft of my manhood as much as before. The smooth, subtle folds of my vulva complemented my new form very well. And the silky feel of my nylon panties sent a constant, pleasant tingle across my entire body. Now I'm not saying I liked being a girl better. I still didn't want anything to do with sex this way. And I sure as hell didn't enjoy the frailty of a female. It's just that, in and of itself, my vagina was... cool. On the other hand, there were the breasts. Yes, I'd enjoyed showing them off in gym class — but it was still unnerving to have them. They were just so... there! At the corner of my eye, or when I leaned over something or someone, or just when walking around. The colloquial 'headlights' really did apply. Their presence was a ceaseless distraction — not only for me, but for the boys, too. The brief conversations I had with the guys were frustrating — for I only got eye contact with them 50 percent of the time. That in turn reminded me of how it was harder for a woman to be taken seriously in any given environment. She could be at the office, making a professional presentation — and most of the guys would be thinking: "She's right. And nice rack!" Now I was in the same boat. I was starting to understand the crucial definition breasts made for a girl's sexuality. A guy's manhood was hidden — if size did matter, it was only in bed. But a girl's chest — my chest — was out there for all to see. If she was too small, she wasn't sexy enough. Too big, and she was a slut. But whatever her size, her very womanhood was displayed for everyone's judgment — in a way that a boy never experienced. That fact was driven home when I rounded another corner and had my first female encounter with Andy Marks. My heart leapt into my throat. He was accompanied by his usual goons - today I'll call them Pol and Pot. Of course their initial reaction was to stare at my breasts. Then they looked at my face and recognition dawned. "All right! Big, tough Jack is now a little girl," he exulted. "Isn't she cute, boys?" Pol and Pot grunted assent. "And wearing a skirt on her first day. You were definitely born to be a cunt. Stephanie, is it? A good, girly name for you." They had me cornered in the standard formation. They were so tall! No one in the corridor, either. Remember what I said a few moments ago about liking my vagina? Forget it. I wanted my old body back. Never had I felt so vulnerable. "You sure turned out to be sexy, Stephanie. Are you a horny little bitch yet? I hear GB girls start getting wet for guys pretty quick. Why don't we check your panties and see? Boys..." Pol and Pot reached for my skirt. I fought to keep the hem against my legs and breathed a sigh of relief when the bell sounded and the hallway filled with students. As the three left me, Marks took one last shot. "I know you're just dying to have me, girl. Don't worry — you'll get your chance." I raced for the bathroom, grateful to retreat to a females- only environment. Trembling, I tucked my hair behind my ears, washed my face, and tried to get calm. Jesus, that had been scary! If they'd had more time with me, who knows what would have happened? I remembered the discussion with my mother. She'd warned me that some guys were dangerous. But I'd already understood that about Marks and his cohorts. Yet the knowledge wouldn't have helped me. They could have... I burst into tears. Standing at the mirror, I couldn't help it. A couple of girls came up to me and asked me if I was all right. Apparently, they didn't realize I was once Jack. They both patted my shoulder. "Boy trouble?" one inquired. "You could say that," I managed to reply. "Don't worry. He'll see the light. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time." I didn't bother to correct her. But I was touched by the concern she and her friend were showing me — a complete stranger. There's something about this sisterhood thing I was really beginning to appreciate. A guy crying in a boy's bathroom would have gotten his ass kicked. I smiled and thanked them. It took me the rest of the day to get myself back under control. I went to track practice for the first time in a week. Changing in the girl's locker room wasn't so dramatic now. Besides, this was a different set of kids. I knew them all well, for they'd been my teammates for years. Sue did not run track, but Becky did. She was adorable in her flowered blue underwear and we chatted a bit as we finished getting dressed. I told her about my first day — but I didn't talk about the encounter with Andy Marks. I felt somehow... ashamed. We headed out to the oval and there I saw Hal for the first time since this morning. It was very weird being around him and I could tell he felt the same way. We spoke little as we went through our stretching routine. Good lord, I was limber! It seemed as if I were made out of rubber. I could reach positions only dreamed of before. I smiled a little at the ease my body had in the poses. Maybe I'll take up yoga. I did a light workout. No speed drills or fartlek (if you don't know the term, don't worry.) I ran with Becky for most of the laps — our strides mirroring each other. It occurred to me that I would be racing against her tomorrow. After all, she was the school record holder for the Milford girls in the mile. But I resisted the temptation to challenge her. I was going to run one last meet for Coach Bradford. Then I was going to quit the team. After practice, Hal came up to me. "How are..." I started. "Are you..." he started. We paused for an awkward moment. This was silly! Hal had been my best friend for years. We'd shared so much, from school to running to girls. Hell, I loved him. Of course, in a million years, I never would have told him that — guys don't communicate that way. But there was no peer I was closer to than him. So there was no reason for our friendship to change. Yet it had. My breasts had come between us — metaphorically speaking. Hal was not leering at me in the least, and there was a genuine look of concern on his face. He cared about me, I could tell. But still, it was different now. Because he saw me as attractive. And worse, as I looked up at his ever so blue eyes, with his chiseled chin and thick dark hair — I think I saw him as attractive, too. Oh God. There was a sensation of butterflies in my stomach as I felt, for a fleeting moment, a girl's desire — for a boy. "Are you doing okay... Stephanie?" he asked. "I've been so worried about you." "I'm... I'm alright." "Don't take this the wrong way — but you look great." I knew what he meant — it was kind of like how Mark Williams had greeted me earlier today. No drooling, just respectfully admiring the view. "Thanks." "Are you going to run against Oxton tomorrow?" "Yeah — I promised the coach one race. I'll keep it." "That's good. Oxton's got an excellent team. We need to be at full strength." "My full strength isn't what it used to be, Hal." "Maybe. But you've still got guts. I can't even imagine going through everything that you are. I mean, wearing a bra? Or having a... And yet you're here — part of the team. One thing's for sure, you're as tough as ever." "Yeah, it takes a real man to be a girl." The comment was so ludicrous we burst out laughing. As we walked back to the locker rooms, we managed to resume some of our old banter. It was almost normal — except for the sideways glances we kept casting, when we thought the other person wasn't looking. He, checking out my chest — and me, checking out his... legs. I was strangely interested in the muscles on his thighs. Oh my... We arrived at the gym — and there our routine came to an end. I didn't join him in the locker room — instead, I walked over to the girl's side. Where I belonged. While heading home, I found myself fascinated by how I was fascinated by Hal's body. I shouldn't have been the least bit excited. And yet he made me feel, if not outright horny, at least... intrigued. I fought to ignore the thought. I arrived home to find my mother eagerly awaiting. "How was your day, sweetie?" "Well, a boy tried to peek up my skirt, I think the principal is a letch, I flashed the girls in my gym class and guys are beginning to turn me on." Mom laughed. "You know, honey, that sounds like a typical day for a girl." I had to laugh, too. "Yeah, I suppose it is." "So are you really thinking about boys?" "Not exactly. I mean, I don't want to go out with anybody — but... I don't know, Mom. I guess it's just that I see the potential with boys — even if I'm not ready to act on it. It's so confusing. But I still like girls, too." "You're probably about the same I was when I was eleven. I knew boys were out there — and I was starting to wonder about them — yet I didn't want to go near them. Then again, I did." "That's exactly where I am, Mom. Only for me — I still feel repelled by the idea. I used to BE a boy — I shouldn't want to be WITH them. It almost seems... gay." "Oh, honey — I don't think labels like gay and straight can have any meaning for you. Your body has its needs and you'll just act on them when you're ready. Will you be with boys or with girls? Only time can tell. What did they say at GRS?" "They told me I would probably be attracted to boys." "That's how I see it. You've got a healthy teenage girl's body and if you become like I was at your age, you won't be able to stop dreaming about boys. It's not like you choose to want them — you just do." "Yuck." She smiled. "Physically, you're a 17 year-old female. Mentally, you're a 17 year-old male. But your mind is switching over. From a psychological perspective, you're probably a girl between 8 and 10 years old." "I don't believe it." "Let me prove it, then. Come with me." She led me to my room, and opened my closet door. There, a dozen very feminine outfits were hung up. Skirts and dresses; blouses and jumpers. She also opened up my underwear drawer. My white basic cotton undies were all gone, replaced by an astonishing array of dainty panties and bras — in many colors and styles, lots of lace etc, etc. "Jesus, Mom — did you carjack a shipment to the Limited?" "Before you pass judgment on me, look me in the eyes and answer one question truthfully: how did you feel wearing a skirt today?" I hesitated for a moment. "I... I..." "It felt wonderful, didn't it?" she prompted. Damn — she was right. "Yes, mom... it did feel special." "And the underwear, too. Didn't it make you feel all pretty and girly?" "Yeah, yeah." "And there's a part of you that really liked feeling that way, isn't there?" I felt like I was being interrogated by the 'Law and Order' guys. "You're leading the witness, Mom — but... yes." "That's the part of you that's a little girl — and she's determined to assert her gender identity. Your cousins are acting that way right now. They love any excuse to wear a dress." My mom's sister had two daughters — age six and eight. I only saw them a couple of times a year. They could be a real pain — but they were also very cute kids. I'd always been fond of them — they kind of looked up to me. And Mom was right — they loved to play dress-up and wear frilly clothes any chance they could get. Mom continued. "Now you're like they are — you're getting to explore your femininity. All little girls are like that. Most of them move past the 'fluffy' stage by the time they're teenagers. But since you never got to wear skirts when you were younger, you're going through that phase now." "I don't think so." "Oh really?" She walked over to the closet and held out that cute pink number she'd enticed me with on our first shopping trip. She led me to the mirror and placed the dress against me. "Tell me you don't want to wear this to school tomorrow." I could see from my reflection how adorable I'd look in it. Just say no. Say no! But I couldn't. Because, dammit, I did want to wear it. Incredible. One day in a skirt and I couldn't resist the idea of dressing like that some more. "Okay. I admit it. I want to wear it." "And cute panties with a matching bra underneath?" "All right, all right. You win. Yes, Mom, I like dressing up as a girl. I know I shouldn't, but..." "Why shouldn't you like it?" she prodded. "Well... because..." "Because you still think, deep inside, that for a boy to become a girl is embarrassing." "I suppose." "That's the part of you trying to resist all of this. But what you're starting to learn is that there are benefits as well. You lose, but you gain too. Being female is special in it's own way — and you're realizing that now. So don't fight it — go with it. Enjoy your girlhood." She was right. If I stripped away the male attitude I had, and tried to look objectively at how I felt about this body and about wearing skirts and pretty underwear — I flat out liked it. My reluctance to acknowledge it was based on habit — upon the disdain all boys were supposed to feel about girly things. But then, I'm not really a boy anymore, am I? I didn't know if my changing attitude was a result of GB reshaping my mind, or just the natural consequence of experiencing femininity — but either way, I was starting to like being a young woman. And much of what went with it. But not all, I reflected later as I was getting ready for bed. Aside from the extreme length of time it took to do my hair, etc, I was still fretting over the whole Andy Marks thing. I knew he'd be causing me more problems, and I also knew I was vulnerable to him in a new way now. As I pulled my sleepshirt over my ample breasts (still amazed at how my nipples poked through), I wondered what I was going to do about it. While lying in bed, I was struck by how the blanket rested more heavily against my crotch than before. A small thing, but another reminder of how my life had changed. I faded off to sleep, visions of the day — Becky and Sue and all the girls from the locker room flashing through my mind. I Want a Boy-Toy And I dreamed. I was drifting, drifting gently on a placid body of water. Smooth, calming, peaceful. There was no raft, no boat — just my body and the warmth of the ocean supporting me. But after a time, I felt a tide begin to lift me. Slowly at first, then more rapidly as I felt myself carried ever higher by the now-turbulent waves. Yet I felt no danger — in fact, the more violent the water, the more relaxed I seemed. Then, just when it appeared I could rise no higher, I felt the waves suddenly recede — almost as if the water was flowing... through my body, draining and draining. Until there was no more water, and I was left on a sandy beach, a wonderful lassitude filling me. I rolled over and looked into the eyes of my lover. He smiled back at me. He?! Then I woke up and immediately realized what had happened. I'd just had a wet dream. A GIRL's wet dream. With an emphasis on the 'wet' part! My legs were spread as wide as they could be and my panties were completely soaked. In fact, they were dripping. Even the sheets below were damp. There was a musky, female odor in the air. I felt a throbbing between my legs and my nipples were straining against my sleepshirt. Jesus! Now I'd a few of these as a boy, but never had I left a mess like this! Embarrassed at the unladylike, yet feminine position my legs had assumed, I quickly brought my knees together and got up. A few minutes later, fresh sheets and fresh panties in place, I felt a little calmer. But still! I realized what a wet dream represented — a body's release of sexual tension while sleeping. Yet the strange nature of the dream, along with the prodigious quantity of fluids I'd produced, demonstrated the new world I was now in. The world of a woman. For I remembered the last part of the dream. I'd had a lover. A male lover. I really didn't want to go there. But obviously, my body did. I returned to an uneasy sleep. The next morning, while screwing up my courage to wear the pink dress my mom had gotten me, I thought about what had happened. In essence, I'd had a girl's orgasm. Granted, I'd been asleep, but the intensity of it resonated still. Different than a boy's. Much different. Especially the... ejaculation. I'd had no idea girls could be so... productive! Definitely a unique experience. How much more intense would it be if I were awake? And stimulating myself directly? Or being stimulated by someone else? I pulled the dress over my head. It was a bit longer than yesterday's skirt. Light pink, flowers, spring-style, etc. I finished getting ready and got a huge hug from my mom as she gushed over how pretty I looked in the outfit — a fact I'd confirmed in the glass. The more time I spend as a female, the more time I spend in front of mirrors. Remember the classic Norman Rockwell painting of a young girl in her slip, staring at her reflection? She was wondering what kind of woman she was going to be. I was doing the same. Physical appearance was becoming more important to me than ever before. Please don't think me conceited. I wasn't taking pride in my looks, quite the opposite — I was still unsettled by them. I knew I was cute — but that was because I'd spent a lifetime as a boy looking at girls — so I had a perspective other girls lacked. But also because I'd been a boy, I knew (better than other girls) what boys would think when they saw me. Yet wearing the dress was... fun. Along with my satiny panties, I felt so... so... girly! There was another whole set of uniquely feminine feelings running through me — new feelings that I was really starting to enjoy. So — confused, pleased, awkward and excited — I headed for the bus to start my day. I sat down next to Arleen, who continued to be enthralled with my dress, my hair, my femininity, etc. She kept looking at me with such a deep expression, one that I was beginning to recognize. When we arrived at school, she suddenly took my arm and practically dragged me to an unoccupied office. Then she locked the door. By now, I'd figured out what was going on — so I was not surprised when she kissed me. No sisterly kiss between girlfriends, either. She was simultaneously shy and bold, a rather appealing combination. As she pressed her lips to mine, my arms automatically went around her. She was so soft — and curvier than either Sue or myself. Finally, after a delightful minute of interlocking tongues, I pushed away from her. "Arleen, is there something you want to tell me?" She blushed, looked at the floor and finally said, "I guess I'm not really like other girls." "That's okay, neither am I," was my light-hearted response. "I've always had certain feelings that just don't fit in." "You've done an incredible job of concealing them. I never would have guessed. You're so... feminine!" "That was the whole idea, Stephanie. I knew from childhood that I was attracted to girls. I also knew the rest of the world would condemn me for it. And being trapped in this fucking small town!" I jumped a little — I'd never heard her curse before. "If anybody in Milford even suspected I was gay, I would have been branded, outcast as unclean." She sighed deeply, then continued. "So I dressed in... dresses. Wore my hair long. Put on make-up. Acted like a girly-girl. I even dated a couple of boys, just to keep the illusion going. I tried to hide not only from everyone else, but also from myself. But I always failed. Oh, no one figured it out. But on the inside — I kept wanting what I could never have. "Last year was the worse," she said softly, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I fell in love for the first time. With one of our classmates. I won't tell you her name. It was like a wonderful dream and a terrible nightmare at the same time. I had all these amazing, powerful feelings for her. I wanted to go to a mountaintop and shout, 'I love this girl!' "But I couldn't. I had to bottle everything up, bury all my emotions. I'd see her in the halls every day and my heart would leap. Then it would plunge into an abyss when I realized I could never share what I felt. It was worse than unrequited love — I knew the very thought of being with me would repel her. And... and I couldn't even tell anyone else! Not my friends, not my family... no one. All I could do was hide... conceal... deny." She was openly crying now. "It took months for me to recover. I just kept saying to myself... someday. Someday I'd get out of this damn town and find a place where I could be who I really was... without being ashamed." She looked at me through lowered eyelashes. "You're the first person I've ever told." I thought about what she had said. I was so very sympathetic for her pain — for I knew how she felt. After all, I'd lost my girlfriend the same way. And I'd been able to share my love with Sue — at least for a while. And even now, I didn't have to pretend our feelings never existed. Not the way Arleen had been forced to. I walked over to her, wrapped my arms around her and gave her a huge hug. "Arleen, you've nothing to fear from me. If there's one girl in this school who understands, I'm her. I'm so sorry. I wish you'd never had to go through what you did." She held the hug for a few moments, then stepped back for a moment. "You're such a sweetheart, Stephanie. Even when you were Jack, I thought you were special. You were always nice to me. I... I used to fantasize about us." "Despite the fact I was male?" "True, I'm not really big on guys. I think girls are better all around. But you were so cool — for a boy. I'd imagine us going out on a date. Then something would happen to turn you into a... girl. Some spell, or aliens or whatever. And once you were female, we'd be together the way I always dreamed of being with a woman." I looked at her. She smiled shyly. "And now, I think my fantasy might be coming true. When you got on the bus yesterday, and you really were a girl — so pretty, so feminine — and it was no dream..." I stood still as she approached me. "It's real," she continued — gazing at me in wonder. She cupped my face, ran her hands through my long hair, bravely caressed my breasts. Mmmm. She whispered to me: "You ARE a girl... you are SUCH a girl... will you be MY girl?" And she kissed me again. Deeply, soulfully and I felt my body respond to her touch. Oh my, it was nice. There was no guilt. Sue and I had no romance anymore. And my sexuality had been turned inside out (or outside in?) — so there wasn't any homophobia to deal with. And unlike Sue, this young woman really, I mean REALLY wanted me. That alone piqued my interest. So I grew very enthusiastic about it all. Our breathing became ragged as our female bodies pressed together. She was the aggressor —with all those years of denial, I may have been the first person she ever kissed. We embraced more tightly — both pairs of breasts pushing against each other — her nipples almost stinging me through our bras. She gasped as I stroked her chest, while she began to lift up my dress. There was a ringing in my ears — dizziness as our ardor increased. It wasn't long before we ended up against the desk — both of us had our hems hiked over our hips by now as we experienced the delightful sensation of nylon panties rubbing against each other. Her hands were gently fondling my girly little butt while I entwined our smooth legs together. She laid me back and moved on top of me — with an expression of sheer pleasure on her face. We paused for a moment. Then, by unspoken agreement — we simply took off our dresses. In nothing but our frilly underwear, we resumed — caressing, stroking, kissing. I'm sure this scene would have aroused most male observers — it certainly would have done so for me. Two pretty schoolgirls, each wearing only her bra and panties, passionately making out. I imagined a trailer for an upcoming movie: 'American Pie 4 — From Apple to Hair!' I could feel the moisture starting between my legs, that oddly erotic softness — and the crotch of Arleen's silky undies had a wet stain as well. My nipples were so swollen! My desire grew still higher as she started to undo my bra. Oh, what desire... I pushed my groin against her, seeking to satiate the new, intense hunger that rose inside me. Deep inside me. Which could only be satisfied by... A thought came into my hormone-addled mind then. Opera. Yes, I said opera. Stick with me here. My mother dragged me to several operas over the years, all of which were crashing bores to me. Part of that is because the Syracuse and Binghamton theaters are about 200 miles off Broadway and the Met — Beverly Sills and Placido Domingo don't hang out much with us John-Boy types in the boonies. But the main reason I never got into opera was simple — I never had a passion for it. I did appreciate the technical skill of the productions, the elaborate staging, the over-the-top story lines and the magnificent singing. I could respect it, even admire it, but there was no magic about it for me. Remember 'Pretty Woman'? There's a moment when Richard Gere (having quit gerbils cold-turkey) takes Julia Roberts to an opera. Before it begins, he tells her she will either have a true passion for it — immediately - or she won't. He says if she doesn't, she may learn to appreciate it — but she will never be enraptured by the art. As we know, she swooned over the production, thrilled from the first moment. She did have it. But when it came to Arleen, I didn't. Oh, I could appreciate Arleen's lovely body, her cute face and shining hair. And there was no question my physical arousal was real. I was very wet and excited from her stimulation. But I felt no passion for her. Dammit — I should! She's a sweet, sexy young girl. I should want to be all over her. But what I really wanted was something else. I wanted her inside me. But like me, she was female. And so she couldn't satisfy my new craving — the strange hunger I felt deep within me. I didn't want her like this. I wanted... I wanted a boy. The irony nearly made me laugh. Here was Arleen, who fantasized about turning me into a girl. But now that the impossible had actually happened, I wanted her to turn into a guy. Because that was my body's desire. My... vagina... really, really wanted to be... penetrated. (I still have trouble combining the word 'my' with 'vagina'!) The intensity of these novel, yet exciting female urges shocked me. And even mentally, I found myself far more open to the possibility of boys than I ever would have imagined. So, like opera, I could appreciate and respect Arleen's beauty and her sexuality. But I could not embrace it — not the way she wanted. Arleen sensed my emotional disconnection and paused. She looked deeply into my eyes. "It's not working for you, is it, Stephanie?" she said sadly. "I'm sorry, Arleen — you're so sexy and I really want to want you, but..." I was echoing Sue from the other night. "I understand, Stephanie. I kind of thought that since you were once a boy you might find the idea of being with another girl appealing." "I thought I would, too — but I'm... I'm changing. Inside. You're so attractive, Arleen. I'd love to be with you — it wouldn't matter to me who was the boy and who was the girl. I'd gladly play either role. But..." "As long as there was both a boy AND a girl," she said. "Yeah... they told me at GRS that straight people stay straight, even after the change. I just never imagined I'd get these... feelings so quickly." Arleen sighed again, and her eyes were watery. "I'd hoped, Stephanie..." "That you wouldn't have to be alone anymore." "Ye... Yes..." tears were spilling down her face again. "But you're not alone, Arleen. You will get the hell out of this place, and we're both worldly enough to know there are communities out there where you can be yourself and be accepted." I spoke very firmly, cupping her chin in my small hand and meeting her eyes squarely. "You will find the love you deserve. I know it. And there's something else." "What?" she asked, a hint of interest in her voice. "You don't have to keep it all inside anymore. Anytime you need, whatever you're feeling — love, sadness, whatever — there's one person you can talk to. One person whom you can say anything to — and she'll never judge you. She'll just be your friend and support you." "Uh... would that be you?" she managed a little smile. "Yes, yes and more yes! Arleen — I know better than most what you're going through. My own sexuality has been a little... ambiguous lately. And I'm also amazed by you. You're so strong to have dealt with this all by yourself and still turn out to be such a cool person. So yes, girl, I am your confidant. They also told me at GRS one of the best things about being female was sharing our feelings. I can see that for myself now. Don't suffer in silence, Arleen. I'm here for you." I could see a range of emotions play across her face. Most, though not all, were positive. I knew the bittersweet nature of it for her — she still desired me, and I could not reciprocate. But I remembered how Sue had given me a different part of her spirit to connect with — perhaps I could do the same for Arleen. She wrapped her arms around me in another huge hug. "You're pretty amazing yourself, Stephanie. You changed sex and you're not only coping, you're helping ME! Before you were hit by GB, I always thought you'd make a fantastic girl. And now you've proven me right." Last week, I would have considered that a bit of an insult. But now? Being told that Jack had been an apt candidate for girlhood felt almost like a compliment. Weird. We continued the embrace until we realized we'd been in the deserted office for 20 minutes, and we were both in our underwear. Sheepishly, we broke the hug and scrambled back into our dresses. We carefully checked the hallway before we exited the room. With a quick squeeze of hands, we said goodbye and promised to meet later. The next few classes were uneventful, although I was still dealing with my damp crotch. As a girl, I didn't have to contend with the visibility of an erection. But I did have to cope with wet panties. Fortunately, nylon dries quickly, and an hour after my encounter with Arleen, I no longer had that 'not so fresh' feeling. I resolved to pack a spare pair of undies in my purse — although I didn't plan to repeat such heavy breathing any time soon. Still, a girl can't be too careful. Aside from the strange sensation of wearing a breezy pink spring dress, things were beginning to seem 'normal'. Kids began to talk more openly to me — with endless variations on the 'how does it feel to be a girl?' subject. But more and more of the time, I had conversations that didn't center on me at all — which was fine, indeed. Teachers, gossip, sports, homework, etc. all began to reassert their traditional place in the student body politic. There was one unpleasant incident. While at my locker, I suddenly found a firm hand press against my back and push me against the metal. Andy Marks's voice whispered into my ear. "Hello, pussy." I fought to free myself, but he was far too strong. There were a few kids around, but he was subtle about his body language — only if I cried out would I get any help. And I just couldn't do it. "Looking good today, Stephanie. I'm glad to see you in a frilly dress. All the better for you to act like the cunt you are. I wonder what color panties you've got on? It won't be long before I find out — you should wear a black lacy pair for me. Our time is coming, girl — and when it does, I'm going to put you in your place. On your back, with your dress over your hips and your legs in the air. The perfect position for a girl like you." "Let her go, Marks," a feminine voice said. He released me and I turned to see Sue and Becky glaring at him with matching expressions of disgust. "Stephanie and I were just getting to know each other a little better," he said smoothly. "Big mistake, Marks. The last thing you should want is for any girl to know the real you. Once she does, she'll be too busy throwing up to pay attention." Sue was harsher than I'd ever seen her. He smiled — unaffected by the jibe. "You judge me too quickly, Wendell. I'm just a little misunderstood, that's all." "You're not 'misunderstood' at all, Marks. But you are 'little'. Take my advice — don't wear tight pants — or your shortcomings will be all the more obvious." Wow. His face flushed for a moment — but he was without his toadies and the three of us were standing firm. "Ah, well. I'll leave you all to carpet-munch in peace. Stephanie, I'll be seeing you around." "Only in your dreams, Marks." I replied. He sauntered away. Becky muttered, "I'd call him an asshole, but that would be an insult — to asses with holes." "I'll bet between the three of us, we could have dropped him," Sue said. "I think he was already dropped — on his head — when he was a baby," I replied. "He's definitely got it in for you, Stephanie," Sue commented, a worried expression on her face. "Most bullies are just bluff, but he's... dangerous. Something's going to have to be done about him, before..." She didn't finish, but I knew where she was going. Before he attacked me. "Maybe we should report him," Becky offered. "After all, he was using physical force on her — it could qualify as assault." "No," I replied. "I know his type well. He'd just get a slap on the wrist, and come after me all the more. I think I'm going have to solve this one on my own." "Stephanie, not to belabor the obvious, but you're a girl now," Sue said. "Jack could have manhandled him, but you... probably can't. I don't mean it as an insult — it's just a fact of life." "I know, Sue. Believe me, I'm very aware of the physical disadvantage. You're right — I can't 'manhandle' him. I need a more... subtle approach — I'll have to 'girlhandle' him." "You've got something in mind?" Becky asked. "Maybe." I replied slowly. For I had seen something in Andy Marks while he'd been looking at me. And at Becky and Sue, for that matter. Not only lust or satisfaction at dominating those weaker than him. No, there'd been something else as well. It tickled in the back of my head. But enough for now. I had a track race to prepare for. The last one of my life. Today would be a home meet — Oxton was making the short drive to our school. I entered the girl's locker room, pondering what was to come. I hardly paid attention to the other girls on the team, changing into their uniforms. I unpacked my own outfit and pulled my dress off over my head. I changed bras, then tugged the bright yellow tanktop with the 'Milford' sash across the front. It was a bit shorter than the boy's style, coming only an inch or two past my belly button. And then there were the little darts in the side, allowing room for my breasts — which filled the space very nicely. Then came the bottoms. They're called bunhuggers, or hiphuggers. Some girls derisively referred to them as 'the diapers." Essentially, the girls' track uniform bottoms were panties. Officially, they were called 'racing briefs' — sold by Nike. Made of a soft poly-nylon blend, they had no legs at all. If you've ever seen footage of world-class female track stars, you'd probably recognize them. They were sleek-looking and God knows as a boy I'd loved how all the girls appeared in them. As if they were running in their underwear. There'd been some controversy in the village about the uniform. Many of the old biddies and town elders thought the outfits were scandalous — showing far too much of the female anatomy. Coach Bradford had his way, though — for while the Milford girls were ambivalent about their appearance, every single athlete did say she felt faster wearing them. In fact, I'd been careful to put on bikini panties this morning, because anything fuller would have been revealed by the skimpy racing briefs. I gingerly pulled on the outfit, noting the silky sensation of the fabric. Yes, the dark blue color did look great with the gold top. My hips were snugly wrapped and the flatness between my legs was all too obvious. There was a fashionable two-inch gap between the bottom of my tank top and the waistband of the briefs. Oh well, at least everyone will know I'm a real girl. I put on the sweats and joined the rest of the team on the track for the warm-up. Oxton was already there, camped out in the bleachers across the oval. There was the sense of anticipation in the air — that electricity I always felt before a race. The butterflies in my stomach began and I found myself bouncing on my heels. I surveyed the competition and plotted my strategy as I finished stretching. Yep — just like any other meet. Except for the 34C breasts on my chest, the sports bra holding them and the panty- shorts I was about to reveal to the crowd! During last night's workout, I'd been distracted by my long tresses flying in the wind, so I had Becky do a quick twist for me. Her hair was much shorter — which was for the best, since I had no idea how to braid it. The races got underway and Milford had a good start, placing well in the first set of relays and the 100-meter dash. A track meet in full force is like a three-ring circus. There are jumpers, runners and throwers all competing simultaneously. At any given moment, a fan can see a discus arcing through the air, a pole-vaulter sailing 15 feet high, hurdlers racing for the finish and much more. It's definitely not boring. The girls and boys compete as separate teams. Although the boys' performance does not count for the girls' team, and vice-versa, there's a tremendous camaraderie between both genders. We train side by side, ride the same bus, wear similar (though obviously not identical!) uniforms. In a way that's unique among high school sports, track bonds boys and girls together. Field hockey, football and so forth aren't the same. So Becky and I cheered wildly for the guys as well as the girls. I wandered over to the throwing ring — where Mark Williams was methodically destroying the discus competition as always. As a two-time defending section champion, he was nearly invincible. In between tosses, I offered him encouragement (not that he needed it). He did the same for me. I also connected briefly with Hal — who was preparing for the two-mile. I was still a little nervous around him — particularly since I found myself enjoying watching him stretch. The boys' mile finished — an Oxton runner won in a time of 4:29. I watched wistfully — knowing last week I could have beaten him by 30 seconds. I realized sadly how much I had lost. Then it was our turn. First call for the girls' mile was announced. Becky and I stripped off our sweats. God, I felt so exposed in the racing briefs! Every eye seemed to turn to me — even though I knew I looked perfectly normal — for a girl. Despite that, I felt like I was walking around in my panties. And to think I'd considered a skirt risquÈ! Our smooth crotches were tightly outlined by our snug uniforms. It was uncanny to see my body appear so similar to Becky's in the feminine outfit as I nervously approached the line. Coach Bradford gave Becky and I some last minute tips. Oxton had an excellent girl miler — Melody McCarthy. She was one of the fastest girls in the state — Becky had never beaten her. We took our place with the rest — a total of six runners were competing today. My race strategy was simple: run hard, put in a good-faith effort, go through the motions. Let's face it, I wasn't really motivated for this. Once I was done, I'd head back to the locker room and take off these silly (albeit sexy) running shorts for the last time. The gun went off... And it was like a switch flipping in my head. Suddenly I was no longer a 'girl' miler. I didn't care about the breasts bouncing on my chest or the ultra-cute uniform or the fact that I was racing against females. Instead, just like when I was a boy, all I cared about was the competition — I was an athlete, running against other athletes. Nothing else mattered. I simply wanted to WIN! Melody took the early lead, while I hung a stride back. I was still uncertain about the pace I should set. I ignored the times called out by Coach Bradford as we finished the first lap. I had no standard from previous races to match. I just focused on the girl in front of me. She was a strong runner, and she surged ahead several times, trying to shake me — but I hung on — getting more comfortable as we moved deeper into the race. Mid-race surges are a common strategy for good distance athletes — they can wreak psychological havoc on the competition. And that's what distance running is all about. Speed is crucial, yes — but races are often won by tactics — by choosing the right moment to convince your opponent you're stronger than he... or she is — that you're mastered your pain. Once a competitor believes that, she's finished. Melody saw I wasn't going anywhere — so she just maintained her swift pace, while I continued to draft off of her. I knew she was a little confused — she'd dominated our local athletic district for years. As a senior, her only real competition came at the state level. She was probably expecting an easy time of it. Not today, sister! Becky and the rest had fallen well back as we began the bell lap. Melody had a cute butt (she wearing the same style shorts I was), but I was getting tired of looking at it. She tried to accelerate further, but she had no higher gear to shift to. I did, though. On the backstretch, I blasted past her with a surge of my own — quickly moving ahead and cutting to the rail at the first legal opportunity. She never knew what hit her as she faded behind me. I felt very strong as I kicked all the way down the homestretch to break the tape. The crowd cheered and whistled their appreciation. I'd just won the race! I felt all the same elation and satisfaction I had as a boy. No difference. And that fascinated me. There was no sense of male distaste at a hollow victory — beating a bunch of girls. It was a race — and I'd won it, fair and square. Cool! I turned and cheered the remaining runners as they crossed the line. Becky finished third and I quickly went over to her. She was still gasping as the Coach passed on her time: 5:08, her fastest mile ever. He was about to tell me my time, when I was literally swept off my feet by Hal — who hugged me tightly. He'd never done that when I was a guy! I felt a tingly sensation all over as my breasts plumped against his chest. Whether I was ready or not, my body was clearly enjoying the close contact with a male. Reflexively, I held him tightly. Then — not so reflexively - I kept on holding him. Nice. A bit embarrassed, we broke contact as Melody came up to me. I shook hands with her as she congratulated me. "Who are you?" the tall brunette asked. "Stephanie. Stephanie Lind." "Are you related to Jack? I didn't see him here today." "Actually, I... am... was Jack. GB." A look of astonishment appeared on her face. "You mean, you're a boy?" "Not anymore," I replied, gesturing at my breasts. The tight racing briefs also demonstrated my gender in an obvious way. "But... but," Melody paused. "But what?" I prompted. "But... it's not fair. You ran in the girl's race!" "So?" I said, growing a bit exasperated. "I AM a girl!" "Well, yeah... I guess," she acknowledged reluctantly. "Look, Melody — should we head over to the locker room so I can prove it to you?" I was getting more than a little irritated with her. If I needed to repeat my gym class performance from yesterday, I'd gladly put her in her place. I'd already noted my chest was much more substantial than hers. Meeeooowww! "No... I'll... I'll see you 'round." She headed off to her coach and they began a spirited conversation. Meanwhile, Coach Bradford came over to me. He was smiling broadly. "Well, Stephanie — how did it feel?" "It was great!" I exclaimed. "Once the race started, something came over me. I just... went for it!" "So it felt like the old days, eh?" "Well, except for this freaking bra, but yes... wait a minute. You knew I'd react like this," I said accusingly. "I had no doubt. Look, Stephanie — you're a competitor — you've got the fire, the determination to win. It doesn't matter one damn bit what your gender is. You want to be the best — whether as a boy or as a girl." I stopped to consider that. He was right — I just hadn't expected to be... satisfied with winning a girl's race. But I was. And I was hungry for more. A lot more. "Are you ready for your time?" he asked. "Yeah — give it to me," I said reluctantly. "4:49 — you finished 7 seconds ahead of McCarthy." Last week I'd done a 3:59. I'd lost fifty seconds from my best. Even though I was expecting it, it was still depressing. I sighed. "I guess Jim Ryun's record is out of the picture, Coach. No way I'm ever going to get 3:55 in this body." "Yes, Stephanie — his record is safe from you. But there's one record you can go for." "What's that?" "Mary Decker." Now that got me thinking. If there was one female distance runner who'd captured my attention before GB, it was Mary Decker. She'd utterly dominated all high-school and college competition across the country during the 1970's. At one point, she'd held every national record from 800 meters all the way through 3000. She was so good she even beat the drugged-up East German and Russian 'women' during the 1983 World Cup. Unfortunately, the Olympics had not been kind to her. She missed out on the 1980 Moscow games because of the Carter boycott — due to the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. And in the 1984 LA games, she had that infamous collision with Zola Budd halfway through the finals of the 3000 meters. I remembered her husband carrying her off the field, while she was in tears at the end of her Olympic dream. Still, she was nearly as much of an American track legend as Ryun. "Coach, what is her high school record for the mile, anyway?" "4:42 — it's stood for a number of years." Hmmm. Seven seconds faster than the time I'd run today. I began to wonder if I could reach it. I'd finished today's race with a lot left — maybe... "There's something else, Stephanie. Your 4:49 today is the fastest any girl has run in the state in two years. It's one of the three fastest in the entire country so far this season. There's no doubt about it — proportionally, you're as good as a girl as you were a boy." "So there might be some..." "There will be some scholarships. The colleges will be salivating over you. And not just because of how you look in those shorts." I blushed and... giggled. Giggled? The coach continued. "Sorry, Stephanie, I couldn't resist. So how about it? Are you going to finish the season?" For the first time since I'd gotten the news about GB, I felt my dream was alive again. "Yes, Coach, I will." "Good girl. I'll see you tomorrow at practice." And with that, he turned his attention back to the rest of the meet. I spent the remainder of the competition in the bleachers with Becky, cheering on our team. Hal won the two-mile. I had to restrain myself from embracing him — my body was almost commanding me to give him another big hug — but I resisted. Barely. Oddly, I noticed that Becky stayed in the bleachers while I was congratulating Hal. What was up with that? We had several other good performances — but the final results were a mixed-bag. The Oxton boys beat our guys, but the Milford girls won — my victory over Melody had proved decisive in the team scoring. I got a lot of pats from the girls as we headed back to the locker room. I noticed Becky was strangely silent, almost distant. And while it was still novel and fun to see the pretty, dark- haired girl in her underwear, I was worried. Once we were back into street clothes (hard to believe that meant me in a flowered pink dress!) — I pulled her aside. "Becky, are you alright?" She paused, looked at me with an uncertain expression, then nodded. "What is it then?" I prodded. "Look, Stephanie, I'm trying to be accepting of all this — but it's hard." "What is, Becky?" "This is going to sound so petty... but... last week I was the best girl miler Milford ever had. No, I couldn't beat Melody, but I was still pretty good. You got nearly all the attention as Jack, I mean, you are... were the fastest boy in America. But I had my... niche and I liked it." I saw where she was going with this. "Then I got GB and rained all over your parade." "More like a cloudburst. Jesus, Stephanie, you just broke my school record by 25 seconds! I've been running track for years — but nobody's going to remember me now. No scholarships are coming my way. And I feel so ridiculous complaining about it! I know you never wanted to get GB. You're just trying to do the best you can — and you've been doing so well! But... oh God, I feel like such a selfish bitch..." "No, Becky, you're not being fair to yourself! I'm so sorry this all happened. I didn't mean to..." "Turn into a girl?" she said sardonically. "Well, yeah. I mean, I never wanted to steal your thunder, Becky. It's just that... running is a part of me, boy or girl." "I know, Stephanie. And if you offer to quit, I'll smack you one. You were born to do this — I don't want you to stop at all. I was just being silly, that's all." "No, Becky, you were being human. But what's up with you and Hal?" She looked away for a moment. "I guess you haven't been female long enough to see what's in front of you." "What do you mean?" "Hal's falling for a girl, all right — but it's not me." Did she mean... oh no! "Becky, don't tell me I wrecked you and..." She looked surprised for a moment. Then she smiled. "No, no. You didn't break us up. I wasn't sure about Hal even before you got back from GRS. But I still had a little hope for us — until I saw his face when he met the new you." "I'm not following..." "Stephanie, for somebody who used to be one, you've sure got a lot to learn about boys. Hal's already got a crush on you! It shouldn't be a surprise — you two were best friends for years. And then you turn into this cute girl. You guys had already bonded emotionally, but now there's an even better reason for you to get a little... closer." Was she right? Did Hal really want me — as a girl? And did I... encourage it? "Becky... I swear I wasn't thinking like that." She laughed. "I know you weren't, Stephanie. It's not your style to begin with and you've hardly had the time to learn feminine wiles." "So let's see. I break your record, take all your well- deserved attention, and capture your boyfriend's... interest." "Yeah... that about sums it up." "And you're still speaking to me?" She took a deep breath. "What I'm doing, Stephanie, is out of respect for Jack. He... you were always a class act. The fact that you had Sue as your girlfriend proved it — she's the sweetest person I've ever known." "Well I think you're neck-and-neck with her." Her eyes softened. "Anyway, I know you didn't ask for any of this — it just worked out that way. So I'm on your side — even now." I felt my heart melt. I wrapped my arms around her and whispered my thanks. After a few moments, she pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Crying, are we?" "If you tell anyone, I'll say it's allergies." She smiled... though a bit of sadness remained. "Let's get out of here." We headed home. As you know, teenagers occupy a solipsistic universe. With the possible exception of toddlers, few people are more self-centered. But with the right friends and families, kids can get past that egocentric stage. Ever since GB, though, I'd been slipping. Up to now, I'd only focused on how becoming a girl affected ME. I hadn't really considered the emotional impact on Mom, Sue, Becky and... Hal. Now I can cut myself a little slack here. Changing sex is a damn good reason to concentrate on one's own situation. But even so, I had to remember there were other special people out there — whose feelings I needed to keep in mind. I resolved to do better. That resolve was really tested with my Mom, though. During dinner, she asked me about my day. We talked about my dress, classes, how I felt about wearing a dress, teachers, how pretty I was in my dress, friends, and what dress I was going to wear tomorrow. The weird part was, I actually enjoyed spending all that time discussing clothes. As a boy, clothing was utilitarian — as a girl, clothing was an end in itself. Then we got to track. "So you ran against, what was it... Oxton?" "Yes. It was great! I beat Melody McCarthy — she's one of the best in the state. And Coach Bradford says I did the third fastest girl's mile in the country this year. He even thinks I can break Mary Decker's national record!" I was bubbling with enthusiasm. "Are you going to finish the season?" "Absolutely. We got the divisional meet coming up Friday — the first step on the way to the state championships!" Mom didn't reply. Instead, she pushed her plate back and sighed. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I'd hoped that after... GB, you might... reassess your priorities." "Are you saying..." "Stephanie... I'm just a little disappointed that you're pressing on with all this track foolishness. Especially now that you're a..." "Because I'm a girl? Are you saying girls shouldn't be athletic?" I replied disbelievingly. "No, no... there's nothing wrong with a girl who's into sports. What I'm saying is that you need to concentrate on the things that matter. Now, more than ever." "Mom, I can't believe this. You still don't get it, do you? Track is not something I do, it's what I AM! But you never see that! You just think it's some hobby that keeps me away from the books. You're so damned obsessed with grades and transcripts. I get good marks — I'm going to get into college. Why isn't that enough for you? Why?!" My voice rose in tone and volume during my diatribe, reaching a very womanly shriek. "Stephanie, it's hard to explain — but try to listen to me. Your father and I married when we were very young. I dropped out of college to be with him... because that's what I was raised to do. I was expected to find a nice man, and start a family. I barely even considered any other options — I'd been so brainwashed by the 'feminine mystique'. But your father and I were far too young and immature to make it work. The only good to come out of that marriage was you." "So when he left, I was a single mom with no education. I was lucky to get the job I did at the factory — at least I was an office worker. Your father... well, you know the history there." I did. 'Dad' barely put in an appearance while I was growing up. We hardly got phone calls, let alone child support. To be honest, I was never all that upset about it. If that's the kind of man he was, then I didn't need him in my life. Mom continued. "My biggest mistake was not finishing my degree and having a professional career to build on. I've made a little progress at the office, but I'm basically a glorified assistant. No matter how competent you are, no one takes you seriously unless you can check the right blocks on the proverbial forms. So I don't make a lot of money..." "I've never complained about that, Mom. I know how hard you work." "But it does limit things nonetheless. We've never taken a vacation. Your college fund will scarcely cover your textbooks. The new wardrobe I bought you was the biggest splurge we've done in years." "Mom, I can cut back. Forget the fancy lingerie — 'Jockey for Girls' will do just fine." She smiled. "No, Stephanie, I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am that you are starting to enjoy being a young woman. I want to indulge your femininity — it's good for both of us. You'll understand if you ever have a daughter someday." I pondered that while she continued. If I did have a daughter, I'd be the one giving birth to her! "But what I'm saying, Stephanie, is that everyone needs to be able to stand on their own feet. That means a good education, which means a good college, which mean good grades. Every parent wants her child to learn from her experience, not to repeat bad patterns. So that's why I always harped on school and so forth. And now that you're female..." "Why should that matter?" "Stephanie — as I said, watching you turn into such a lovely girl has been almost a dream come true for me. No, that doesn't mean I wished it upon you — I know you're struggling with all this in ways I'll never understand. I'd change you back into Jack in an instant... if that was what you wanted." Amazingly, I wondered for a moment if it really was. "Nevertheless, I'm so excited about the new life you have, and about the woman you're going to be. But you're more... vulnerable, too." "Yeah, I know, rape and all that." "Not just physically, Stephanie. There's another danger. It's all too easy for a woman to... submerge her identity with a man. To support him at the cost of herself. To sacrifice for him and to lose her future in the doing. Even in the 21st century, society still implies that role for women. Especially in a rural town like this. Now that you're a girl too, you could get caught in that same trap." "Do you feel trapped because of me, Mom?" "Good heavens, no! I wouldn't have missed having you for the world. I just wish I'd had more options — I wish I hadn't given up all my choices. We could have had a much better time of it..." I thought about what she said. Though she'd never admit it, I could tell she regretted how her life turned out — and I was a big part of that. I didn't doubt her love for me — but I could see she was unhappy in other ways. And what would happen when I did leave for college? What would be left for her? No husband, a dead-end job and an empty bedroom where her son... daughter used to live. I felt a surge of emotion for her and I got up to give her a huge hug. "Mom, I love you so much. Never think I don't appreciate everything you've done for me. You will always be the... God, this sounds so maudlin, but you will always be the guiding light of my life." Insert obvious soap opera joke here. But I knew she was touched by what I'd said. Actually, I'd felt that way about her since... forever. It's just that I can share it with her so much more easily — now that I'm a girl. "Mom, if I turn out to be half the woman you are, I'll count myself fortunate. But having said that, it's also my life to live. I know you have my best interests at heart — but I have to be my own ma... person. I'm asking you to accept this. Running means so much to me. I'd thought I'd lost it forever — but now, there's a chance I can still find some meaning in it. Please, please understand that." She looked at me closely. "I know how important it is to you, Stephanie. And I'm proud that you're determined to carry on with it. I'll try... but I'm still going to nag you!" "I can handle it." Another hug and I headed off to bed. Lord, what a day! As I washed up, brushed, and changed into my sleepshirt, I though back on it all. Between Arleen, Becky and my Mom, there'd been enough pathos on display to fill up an entire week of 'Oprah'. Compared with all that, dealing with my feminine form was almost a breeze. I was already becoming accustomed to the sway of my breasts, the emptiness between my legs, and so forth. Would a girl's emotions prove more challenging than a girl's body? Good Night, Sweet Principal My body had a surprise in store for me, though. I had trouble falling asleep, so I got up to open the window — things were a bit stuffy. Then it happened. I felt a strange tingling in my thighs, and then in my nipples. My breathing and my pulse quickened. I spent a minute trying to calm myself, unsure of what was happening. I leaned against my desk, growing dizzy with sensation. My muscles suddenly weakened, and I eased slowly to the floor — unable to stand. But I wasn't in pain — far from it. I felt a growing excitement throughout my breasts, now — much more intense than even my 'encounter' with Arleen. My nipples became rock hard and my breath grew ragged. Suddenly, I felt a tremendous surge through my entire body. I gasped at the new yet strangely familiar sensation. All my blood seemed to rush to my groin, and I found myself spreading my legs far apart — my hips thrusting into the air, seeking... Penetration. Oh, god — I was having a girl's orgasm! Without willing it, my vagina began to soak clear through my panties as I moaned softly, my hands moving to my breasts. Oh! Just touching my nipples doubled the pleasure building between my legs. Oh yes! More... please... more! My thighs parted, then closed, then parted again — seeking friction, contact — anything to fill the emptiness... anything to complete... I was utterly out of control, unable to stop. Still stroking my breasts, it hit me. Ecstasy. Sheer ecstasy. Shuddering, a wave of delight spread through every fiber of my being as my vagina poured out copious amounts of fluid. I felt strange muscles, deep inside my new sex contract over and over. Ohhhh! It's so good, so powerful... oh... oh yes... yes... yessss! Exhausted, the glow still filling me, I tried to catch my breath. Slowly, I managed to regain my feet. I'd practically left a puddle on the floor, which I wiped up — then it was time for fresh panties as I weakly made my way back to bed. What had just happened to me? I knew the obvious — I'd had my first female climax. But how? I wasn't touching myself before it... happened. And even while I was... coming, I wasn't stimulating myself between my legs. And yet my body reacted with such passion! I felt vulnerable — for I hadn't been able to control it. I'd simply fallen to the floor and just... It was like last night's wet dream, only I'd been awake for this one. An involuntary orgasm? I'd never heard of such a thing. As a boy, it took a considerable amount of... attention to produce a result. But was it different for girls? Somehow, I doubted it. Everything I'd read in Penthouse, et al implied that women had to work hard for their sexual satisfaction. And yet I couldn't deny it had happened to me. God, it had felt soooo good! More intense, more all-encompassing than as a boy. The scariest part was that I could tell I'd just skimmed the surface! There was much more to come... so to speak. Rattled, but weary, I drifted off to sleep. I woke up in dry panties — so at least it hadn't happened again during the night. During my shower, I felt both a physical and a mental desire to explore my vagina, to see if I could get a handle on things. Yet I remained intimidated by the new sexual anatomy between my legs, so I resisted. I put on a cream-colored blouse and a paisley silk skirt — about three inches above the knee. A little shorter than before, but after running yesterday's race in that skimpy uniform, I was getting used to showing skin. Arleen was on the bus and she looked happily at me while I took a seat next to her. We chatted about inconsequential things — the setting was too public to share more personal... matters. But there was no doubting our connection, now. She did look nice in her peasant blouse and skirt combo, but — like yesterday — her pretty body didn't really do very much for me. Instead, I felt... sisterly towards her. The good news was: she seemed to be satisfied with that. We exchanged a quick, but sweet hug as we separated for the first bell. And so began an uneventful set of classes. Oh, sure — my breasts pressed ungainly against the desk whenever I leaned over. I was a little worried about the flimsiness of my skirt. I had to master the 'hair flip' while writing in my notebook. And I couldn't be too careful when it came to keeping my legs crossed. But you know what? I didn't care. What had seemed awkward at first was slowly but surely becoming second nature. Erin had talked about this at Girl School. The mind does adjust. And more, it was even a little bit fun. There's something special about being a girl, about wearing pretty clothes and feeling feminine. I had only scratched the surface, so I couldn't say just what it was. But I kind of liked it. And those around me could tell — with every passing hour, everyone was treating me exactly as Erin had predicted: as if I'd always been this way. My skirts, my long tresses, my soft voice and all the rest were painting a truly girlish picture. People reacted accordingly. I got fewer comments on the 'don't you miss being a boy' theme. Girls were warming up to me in a purely female way — sharing stories, compliments, gossip. Boys were modifying their behavior too — less cursing when I was around, more playfulness, trying to impress me. It was actually rather sweet. Part of it had to do with the sensuous nature of my body. I don't mean 'sensuous' as a synonym for sexy — but rather in the classic definition: appealing to the senses. My perception of sight, hearing, smell and especially touch had heightened dramatically. Every contact against my smooth skin could feel tingly. I was so much more aware of my body and my environment. My silky skirt and my even silkier panties caressed my hips and legs in an endlessly sumptuous way. I suspect that if a boy were to put on my clothes, he might enjoy the soft material, but his body would not communicate the same physical delight. That alone was making me act a lot more girly. And everyone was picking up on it. I'd read once that a woman's body is far better built for pleasure than a man's. Up to GB, there'd been no way of objectively verifying that. But now I knew it to be true. Especially after last night! That orgasm had been incredible. The tingling in the thighs, moving to my breasts... I remembered it so vividly it was as if it were happening now... Uh, oh. It WAS happening now! Right here in class! My pulse was racing, my skin was flushed. I could feel the pleasure begin to build. Still distant, but drawing closer. Oh God! I can't stop it. I can't... I can't do this in front of everyone! I had a horrifying vision of collapsing on the floor, my legs spread wide, my skirt hiked up, my pretty underpants on display for all to see, while I... came. I quickly excused myself, without waiting for the teacher. Unsteadily, I lurched for the exit and made it to the corridor. Placing one hand against the wall, I started down to the bathroom. There wasn't much time left. My bra grew tighter as my breasts swelled within it. Dizziness again — I could barely stand. The insides of my thighs were wet. A glowing feeling was rising from the base of my belly. I realized then I wouldn't make it to the bathroom. The corridor was empty — but anyone could happen by. Fortunately, there was an unlocked storeroom. I entered and quickly shut the door. I staggered across the room and fell onto an old couch. Breathing heavily, I couldn't help but stroke my rock-hard nipples poking through my blouse. Ohhh! It felt so, so nice. Just touching my breasts seemed to triple the delight I felt down below. In amazement, I watched my legs move apart, wider and wider. I tried to bring them together, to stand up. But I couldn't. Oh... Oh... yes! Without my willing it, my legs spread as far as possible, my paisley skirt raised up, my panties now revealed. This is what would have happened in front of all the kids, had I not made it here. The ultimate embarrassment. My body was totally out of control by now. I was helpless to stop the rhythmic thrusting of my hips, up and down, in a feminine simulation of lovemaking. I tried to keep quiet, but my need was too great. Soft, girlish moans filled the small, dusty room as my orgasm began. A wave of thick pleasure crashed over me. Mmmm... yesss. Even more intense than last night! Finally, it ended. Once again, my panties were drenched, the vinyl of the couch shiny where my... juices had spilled. Jesus and I thought coming as a guy was messy! But far more unsettling was the knowledge that my body had taken over me completely. I'd surrendered utterly to the pleasure — while hardly touching myself. I'd never heard of this happening to anyone — boy or girl. Something was wrong. And I'd better get a handle on it quickly. So far, the kids had been pretty good about accepting my transition. The reason for that was obvious — I seemed like a normal girl, so I was being treated like one. But if I started having spontaneous orgasms in front of everyone — I'd be on the express line for Freakville. Fortunately, I'd packed an extra pair of panties in my purse. I quickly changed — trying to wipe down as much as possible. Fresh undies felt sooo good! Still trembling and a bit pale, I headed out of the storeroom. Just as I was closing the door, I heard footsteps behind me. It was the principal — Mr. Grogan. "Stephanie, what were you doing in there?" Now that was one question I didn't want to answer. I stammered for a moment. He continued, "And how come you're not in class? Do you have a pass?" "I... I wasn't feeling well, Mr. Grogan. I was just heading for the bathroom." But I could tell he wasn't buying it. He eyed me up and down in that creepy way of his. And worse was the image I knew I was presenting. Still breathless, my nipples thrusting against my bra, my clothes and hair mussed and a faint but undeniable feminine scent in the air. I looked like a girl who'd just been rousted from the backseat of her boyfriend's car. "Even if that were true, Stephanie, that still doesn't explain what you were doing in the storeroom. I think we'd better discuss your infraction in my office." Nervously, I followed him to the private entrance for his 'chambers'. He took a seat behind his large oak desk, while I stood uncertainly in front of him, my hands toying with the hem of my skirt. I was still disoriented from my 'moment' and I wasn't thinking clearly. "Now, Stephanie, I realize you've had a lot of adjustments to make lately. But I can't have students wandering the halls unaccounted for. Especially given that you're a senior. The younger students look up to you — you're expected to set an example." "I'm sorry, sir. I just wasn't feeling very well." "That's understandable — but you're still required to report your condition to the teacher and to obtain a hall pass. I can't play favorites here. I'm afraid I'll have to assign you the usual detention." Oh no! That would mean I wouldn't be able to compete in Friday's track meet. Any student who received detention was ineligible for extracurricular activities for an entire week. I had to get out of this somehow. "Mr. Grogan, I really am very sorry. I didn't mean to break any rules. Is there anything I could do? Maybe some extra schoolwork or a volunteer project? I'm willing to accept my punishment — but I don't want to miss track." During my bit of pleading, I found myself doing something I'd never imagined: using my feminine wiles. Of course, I had only a vague idea how to do it, but I tried to project a cute sweetness into my voice and I looked at him from lowered eyelashes. I had to be careful not to lay it on too thick — the principal was a veteran at dealing with kids. He'd see right through most acts. He was silent for a few moments — pondering what I'd said. He continued to stare at me and I could guess what was going through his mind as I stood there. His reputation was clean — indeed, it was exemplary. He was a respected and successful administrator and no complaints had ever been lodged against him by students or teachers. Nevertheless, I could see it in his eyes — carefully concealed but still there: desire. For me! "Very well, Stephanie. There may be another solution." He reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a... paddle! It was about two feet long and one wide — made of hickory. "The State of New York no longer authorizes corporal punishment in schools. However, I feel alternative methods of discipline have their place. So, I'll present you with a choice: detention — and the end of your track season — or, this..." he hefted the paddle. "You're... you want to... spank me?" I said incredulously. "Your decision, young lady. You have represented this school very well in athletics — so I'm offering you an opportunity to continue to do so. Otherwise..." How could this be happening? And yet I knew I was stuck. If I refused, my Milford running days were over. Worse yet, I hadn't had the chance to demonstrate to the college scouts what I could do as a girl. No coach was going to offer me a full ride based on yesterday's race alone. If I didn't finish the season, I might not get any scholarships, Title IX or not. On the other hand, it was quite obvious what Mr. Grogan wanted — to satisfy the desire I could see on his face. Oh, I wasn't worried about sex, per se — neither of us was insane enough for that. But he clearly held the upper hand (so to speak). What could I do? "Al... alright, Mr. Grogan." "So you are choosing to resolve this matter here and now, just the two of us?" "Ye... yes, sir" "Very well, Stephanie. Please remove your skirt." Shocked, I just stood there for a moment. "You've got to be kidding," I finally said. He spoke in a calm, measured tone. "Stephanie, corporal punishment does require the infliction of pain. You will not be tortured — but there must be some suffering, else what would be the point? Clothing can mitigate the effects of the blows — hence the need to partially disrobe. Now, you are wearing panties, are you not?" "Um... yes." I stammered disbelievingly. "Then that will satisfy the demands of modesty. Hurry up, girl — we don't have all day." Slowly, my hands went to the waistband of my skirt. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. You may not either — but keep in mind two things. One — my passion for running. I'd already endured years of pain to get where I was. Two — I was still fuzzy from the orgasm I'd had just five minutes ago. And I couldn't deny the sexual charge that remained. I slipped out of my silk skirt, folding it carefully and laying it on a table. My face flaming, I stood before my principal wearing just my blouse, bra and peach- colored panties. His look had moved from desire to lust as the careful mask slipped a bit. I knew how pretty I was, and in my underwear, I also knew how men would react to my new body. And he was a man. A very handsome one, I reluctantly noted. "All right, Stephanie, please lie down across my lap." Stunned, I realized he was forcing an intimacy upon us I hadn't anticipated. But I had to go through with it. I assumed the position. It's difficult to describe the feeling I had next. I was stretched out across Mr. Grogan's firm thighs. My cute little ass was fully exposed to him — encased only in the flimsiest of nylon panties. I should have been embarrassed - and I was. I should have been nervous — and I was. But what I shouldn't have been was horny — yet I was. There was something... appealing about having this strong, male presence commanding me. In control of me. I felt a need, deep within me that was...satisfied being like this. As if it were... right, somehow for me to submit to him. Because he was a man. And I was a girl. The first blow came — the smack was audible throughout the office. Oh! The pain was sharper than I expected — due to my more delicate skin, I suppose. A second blow produced a feminine gasp from my mouth, while the third brought tears to my eyes. He was keeping his word, though — it wasn't brutal or damaging. Just degrading. And yet... and yet it was something else. Arousing. As the blows rained down, I found my hips moving forward in an effort to escape. This in turn was producing friction, caused by my... girl parts pressing harder against him. Pressing against... His erection. Oh God! I could feel the hardness of him against the most intimate place on my body. The spanking was driving my groin into his as I lay across his lap. Which could not help but turn both of us on all the more. Only our clothing prevented his penis from touching my vagina. Oh! That thought alone should have cooled my ardor. But it didn't. Instead, I grew wetter and hotter. So much hotter! My breathing became ragged again as my body was receiving its first true sexual stimulation. Oh... oh yes... more... Tears were rolling down my face by now. I couldn't say when the spanking had stopped. He was now gently rubbing my panty-clad butt, the soft nylon transmitting sparks of delight. My nipples felt like two candles burning on my chest. I ached to have them touched. Still stroking me while I lay across his lap, he spoke. "You are the first GB female I've ever met. But I must say, Stephanie, you do your new sex proud. I wonder if you were always meant to be a girl — you've taken to it quite well. GB may function as a corrective measure — turning boys unsuited for masculinity into the girls they should have been. Perhaps it's for the best — now you are the girl on the outside you seemed to have been on the inside. Certainly you have an affinity for the properly submissive role of a woman." I was barely listening to him. All I wanted was for him to keep touching me. I turned over on his lap. I could feel his enormous erection pressing against the seat of my pretty underpants. My eyes wet with tears, I met his gaze. I could see the desire on his face — along with... satisfaction. For him, it was not only sexual. He wanted to show how dominant he was. He had succeeded. Both of us shifted our glance to my body. My blouse had hiked up considerably. The only covering I had below my belly button were my sheer panties, edged in white lace — and they were sopping wet. The dark triangle of my bush was clearly visible to us both. And between my legs, we both could see the outline of my vagina, the lips of my vulva creating just a hint of a bulge in my frilly hipster-style underwear. That semblance of a bulge seemed to mock what I once had as a boy — and what he had as a man. I was embarrassed at having my girlhood so explicitly placed on display for his gratification. The physical proof of my fragility. I felt wet and vulnerable and open. My hips continued to make the tiniest bucking movements — still seeking... penetration. My feminine sex — sculpted in the sheerest of silk. God, what a sight! Breathing deeply, I realized to my shame and delight I was only a few moments away from yet another orgasm. He must have known it too. He continued. "After all, Stephanie, what is a woman but a creature of her feelings? Her sexuality, her emotions drive who and what she is. Consider your current position. You'd do anything to achieve... satisfaction right now, would you not?" "Ye... yes. Oh, yes," I gasped huskily. I was beyond reason at this point. "So you can see, Stephanie, what you are. Females such as yourself are ruled by their bodies. You are now subject to womanly passions that demonstrate how inappropriate manhood would have been for you. It really is for the best, young lady. Don't you agree?" "Ye... yes" "So you admit you were not worthy of boyhood. You were meant to be a girl." "Yes," I was gasping, my orgasm drawing closer. "Say it." "I... I was meant to be a girl." "You never should have been a boy." His hand hovered tantalizingly close to my utterly feminine crotch, promising the relief I so desperately needed. "No... I never should have been a boy." "And you submit to your fate as a female." "Yes... I ohhh!" I cried out as my thighs tingled in anticipation. "Finish it, Stephanie." "Yes... I... I accept my fate... I'm a... mmmmm... I'm a girl." Almost there! Oh please... "And you've done a fine job of demonstrating that. After all, only someone who was a true girly-girl would wear panties so pretty. Let's have a touch, shall we?" With that, he took my hand, moved it to my hips, and dragged my forefinger against the wet crotch of my women's underpants — just a single stroke. The barest caress of my vagina. He was very careful not to touch me himself. That was all it took. Yet another orgasm — more intense yet. He actually had to muffle my mouth with his hand as I writhed on his lap, moaning and gasping, my vagina contracting over and over as I came with a power I couldn't have imagined as a boy. Ohhh yess... Finally it was over, the last quiverings of my new sex faded. I slowly rejoined reality, completely drained. In more ways than one, for my underwear was drenched with yet another round of... girl juice. I stood unsteadily and made my way to the front of his desk. I felt an amazing mixture of shame and... satisfaction. What I had just done filled me with embarrassment — but mitigated by the sheer pleasure of the sexual delight. To give you an image of what I looked like at that moment, standing in a daze before him, think back to the movie 'Ace Ventura — Pet Detective'. At the climax, Ace battles Lieutenant Einhorn, nearly knocking her out. Stunned and disoriented, she staggers about — while Ace strips her down to her underwear, to prove she's really a man. Now imagine a 17-year-old girl in Sean Young's place, and you get the picture. By the way, I'm appreciating transgendered people a lot more these days. Mr. Grogan looked it me with a mixture of ardor and power. He spoke. "Well, Miss Lind, I believe discipline has been restored. You do appreciate the importance of following proper procedure when leaving class?" "Yes, sir." "So, do you promise to be a good little girl?" "Yes, sir." "Say it," he said forcefully. "I'll be a good little girl, sir." I felt still more shame at acknowledging my female condition. "Then I trust there will be no repetition of this incident." God, I hope not! "No, sir." "And I believe you also have a better understanding of a woman's place in comparison to a man's. Since you are now a girl and will someday become a woman yourself, it is best for you to know your new status." He didn't have to spell out what he thought my new 'status' was — I'd just proved it to both of us. I reluctantly nodded — not so much in agreement, but just to get this over with. "Very well, Stephanie. You're excused." He handed me a hall pass for the nurse. I barely had presence of mind to put on my skirt before I left his office. I walked slowly to the infirmary, trying to make some sense of what had happened. I was very confident I was the first girl Mr. Grogan had tried such a stunt with. A public high school is not the Catholic Church — administrators are too terrified of lawsuits to tolerate serial molesters. So Mr. Grogan had singled me out because of my unique status as a GB female. I'd read enough Penthouse letters to have an idea of what he was about. I knew S/M existed, and that it was based on the dominant/submissive relationship. He apparently got off on being a dominant. And it was pretty obvious I'd just played the submissive role — all too easily. Somehow, the fact that I used to be a boy made my surrender to him still more intense — for both of us. S/M games (from what I'd read) place great stock on humiliation and control. Mr. Grogan's interest in me was undoubtedly piqued by my new and very feminine condition. He perceived my change as humiliating in and of itself — which made toying with me all the more satisfying to him. After all, a boy whose been turned into a girl against his will has already been degraded — at least in the eyes of some. That makes the dominant's control all the more delicious — the submissive has lost power over his very gender — betrayed by his... her own body into an inferior state. Stripped of his masculinity — forced to be a helpless girl. The power of the penis transformed into the vulnerability of the vagina — a female ready to be mastered by a man. Worse yet was the undeniable realization that I'd actually... enjoyed it myself. Was this the true core of femininity? I couldn't credit it — for it didn't connect what I knew of the women and girls in my life. Mom, Sue, Becky — these people were completely womanly, and yet they were no wallflowers. Each of them was strong and would not accept being treated in a condescending way. Yet I had. Yes, Mr. Grogan had blackmailed me with the detention threat. But I knew if I'd pushed back, I could have escaped. Coach Bradford would have persuaded the principal to reinstate me. I didn't have to do what I did. To be sure, I was still off-balance by my body's... sexual spasms. And Mr. Grogan had certainly taken advantage of that. But I'd read that submissives have power, too. They can set limits to the extent of their surrender. If they choose not to, well... it's their call. I also knew from my readings that S/M roles are not gender specific. Men can (and often do) take on the compliant character and women play aggressors. So being a girl, in and of itself, did not mean I had to be sexually humiliated as a matter of course. Which meant, deep inside me, there was some core that liked to surrender control. Maybe it had always been there — but becoming female had 'outed' me. What was more bizarre was how that contrasted with my attitude on the track. When pitted against opponents in a race — I wanted to RULE them, to demonstrate my power over them. My newfound femininity had not altered that one whit. So to have this other part of me desire the opposite — to let myself be at the mercy of another — was truly a shock to discover. It made no sense, unless my personality was seeking some kind of balance between extremes. People are weird, you know? I convinced the nurse I needed attention from the town clinic — without having to give him any gory details. So a short time later, I found myself outside Dr. Wilson's office. I stared at the OB-GYN plate on her door — reflecting on how my life had changed. I now had to visit the 'gynie'. Dr. Wilson opened the door and invited me in. This was the first time we'd met since GB and she studied me closely. "I understand you're Stephanie, now." I nodded yes. "Well, Stephanie, I see you've completed the physical transition. How are you feeling?" "I was hanging in there for a while, Doctor, but something strange has been going on for the last day or so." "What's seems to be the problem?" she asked in the classic physician's manner. I took a deep breath. This was going to be embarrassing. On the other hand, I was getting used to embarrassment. "Doctor, I keep having these tremendous, overwhelming... orgasms." She looked at me nonplussed. "Most girls wouldn't see that as a problem." "But I'm not... stimulating myself. They just happen! I was sitting in class, then all of the sudden my body went out of control. I barely got out of sight. While it's hitting me, I can't even keep my legs together. I know I've got some adjusting to do as a girl, but this can't possibly be normal." "How many times has this taken place?" I counted back. "Three in the last day. They're getting more intense, too. It's almost like an attack — except for how good it feels." "And there's no intimate contact beforehand?" "No." I wasn't going to explain my 'encounter' with Principal Grogan. "You're right, Stephanie. It's not normal. But it's also not unprecedented. I think I'd better have a look at things." And so I endured my second gynecological exam. Once again, I assumed the position — naked below the waist, legs splayed wide, while Doctor Wilson poked and prodded my most personal body parts. This could be the worst thing about being a girl so far. I loathed the complete loss of dignity — at least the doctor was a woman. I couldn't imagine a male physician this way. During the inspection, I heard her remark 'incredible' under her breath. "Is something wrong?" "I'm sorry, Stephanie, that was unprofessional of me. It's just so amazing to see the effect of GB on a boy. I've been an OB/GYN for 15 years. I've examined hundreds of women and girls and there's nothing to indicate you weren't born this way. I'm astonished at how completely female GB has made you." "Not as astonished as I am." She chuckled. "No, I suppose not. You can get dressed now." Gratefully, I pulled on my panties and skirt while she removed her gloves and made some notes. "By the way, Stephanie, that's a very cute outfit. I'm glad to see you in such feminine clothes — you seem to be adjusting well. Now, as for the results — there are no abnormalities at all. Your vulva, vagina and cervix are healthy and well within the parameters I'd expect to find for a teenage girl." "So what's causing this?" "I'll want to do some more readings before I commit to this — but your phenomenon is not unique. Spontaneous orgasms can occur, particularly for women. Other GB girls have reported it before you." "Why?" "It works like this, Stephanie. You are on a hormonal rollercoaster right now. To help the transition from boy to girl, GB flooded your body with an excess of female hormones — including those that affect sexual arousal. Eventually, you'll settle into a more normal range — but for the moment, you've got elevated levels of the chemicals that drive your libido." She paused to think, then she asked me point-blank. "Have you masturbated since becoming a girl?" "No!" I said, my face reddening. "I haven't even explored... down below." "Well, I suggest you start, Stephanie. To put it colloquially, your vagina is trying to get your attention. And she can be a stubborn little thing. If you ignore her, she'll make her needs known one way or another." I was amused to hear Doctor Wilson assign my vagina a personality and pronoun. I'd done the same thing with my penis as a boy. "Simply put, Stephanie, I think you should get to know your body better. Give yourself a little TLC and I expect your accidental orgasms will... come... to an end," she laughed. "But how?" "I'm no Jocelyn Elders — I'm not going to give you step by step instructions. But speaking as a woman, foreplay is a must to get in the mood. Find a nice, relaxing environment and start slowly and gently. If you're like most girls, the clitoris will be the focus, but take your time getting there. Your breasts can be a great help." God, this was so surreal — having a woman physician give me pointers on how to 'flick my clit!' I got up to leave, but Dr. Wilson stopped me. "Stephanie, I have one off-the-record question. How do male and female orgasms compare?" I thought about it. "They don't, really. I mean — the sensation is so different. As a guy, I felt like I was exploding from a single point. As a girl, it feels as if my whole body is overwhelmed by this... this wave of electricity." "Is one more intense than the other?" She seemed very curious. "I think it's going to be a lot more intense as a girl, once I figure it all out." "Well then, you should start practicing. Thanks for indulging me, Stephanie. I've read a lot about GB girls comparing their before-and-after sexuality, but I'm still fascinated by what it would be like to experience arousal from both genders' perspective." I got the feeling she was hoping the female side of things had the edge. I still wasn't convinced one way or the other, but... "Doctor, as far as... orgasms go, I think as girls we've got the better end of the deal. Of course, I'm not telling any of the guys that. I don't want them to get jealous." She smiled and invited me to call her if I had any more problems. Back at school, I attempted to get on a more even keel. I figured two mind-bending orgasms would be enough to keep my body calm for the rest of the day. I ran into my circle from time to time, carefully avoiding a direct response to Hal's 'how was your morning?' I could just imagine the look on his face if I answered, "Not bad. The principal stripped me half-naked and spanked me, after which I came all over his lap. But enough about me — how are you?" No, I wasn't going to go there. Especially with the tingly feeling I got while talking to the guy. I gave a noncommittal response and quickly said goodbye to Hal. I could tell he was hurt — but how could I get him to understand the reason I was distancing myself from him was not because I didn't want to be with him, but rather because I wanted to be with him a little too much? I couldn't take any chances on my body spinning out of control again. I did get one nice surprise from Sue, though. "Stephanie, would you be willing to come to a gathering at my house this Saturday?" "Of course. What did you have in mind?" "Actually, I was thinking of a twofer. We'd start with a co-ed pool bash and then have girls-only for the rest of the night." "You... you're inviting me to a slumber party?" She laughed. "Well, we usually don't call it that these days, but yeah..." I was a bit uncertain. Hmmm. "Okay, I guess." "Don't worry, Stephanie, we aren't going to have any Wiccan rituals. It's just that this may be the last chance for many of us to get together before we graduate. It'll be fun — and it's good practice for you." "Practice?" "You know, all that secret girl stuff boys wonder about," she stage-whispered conspiratorially. "All right, I'm in." "Great. I can't wait to take you bikini-shopping!" "Hold on, Sue — bikini?" I said disbelievingly. "Well, of course, silly — it's a pool party, too. We've got to look cool for the guys. Hal's going to be there as well. Bye!" She smiled winningly and swirled away. I just stood there in disbelief. I was going to have to wear a bikini? In front of boys? In front of Hal? Now that really made me uneasy. I'd been to a few pool parties in the past — and like all guys, I'd delighted in the vision of my female classmates wearing skimpy bathing suits. So I knew exactly what the boys would be thinking as I paraded around in front of them — clad in a costume more revealing than my underwear. Yet the thought of guys drooling over me was not quite as repulsive as it was a few days ago. My encounter with Arleen made it evident that a romance with another girl would not get the job done for me. That meant boys, and like it or not... oh, hell... I just liked it. There's something gratifying to the ego about being an attractive female. Even if a girl doesn't want a particular guy at a particular moment, just knowing that she's desirable to them is still a thrill. So I knew I'd be at Sue's party...dressed appropriately. To Be... A Girl... Or Not To Be... A Girl? I got home a little early from practice — Dr. Wilson's comments still on my mind. That, plus my increasing acceptance of the 'boy factor' gave me the courage to take my femininity to another step. In the bathroom, I stripped off my clothes, ran the tub and stood naked in front of the mirror. Once again, I was struck by my likeness to 'Dawn' from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. I wondered if the bastards who designed GB programmed famous young women into whatever machinery that made the damn thing work. I had a vision of a Strangelovian lab where the researchers chuckled fiendishly over their plots — turning boys' lives upside down — forcing them to be girls. Celebrity look-alikes, no less. Was there another Faith somewhere? Or the witches from 'Charmed'? Or Kirsten Dunst? Probably not. I did resemble Michelle Tractenberg — but I could see the old me in the mirror as well. At least a hint. Perhaps I would have looked like her if I'd been born a normal girl. I preferred to think that — it made me feel as though I was my own person, and not some fantasy coded up by a perverted computer jock. God, it was still surreal to see this lovely naked girl in the mirror and realize she's me! But not as strange as last week. Slowly, ever so slowly, I was adjusting. It was time — I'd put it off long enough. I got a stool and sat down in front of the glass. A bit sheepishly, I moved my knees apart and gazed at my vagina in the reflection. While standing up, it was kind of hard to see — since it was set farther back between my legs than my penis had been. That had made it easier to ignore — out of sight, out of mind. The pinkish lips formed the slit that marked my new sex — the slit that made me a girl. I thought about how all boys (myself included) devoted so much effort to see what was now before me. It seemed anti-climactic. I did like its appearance, though — neat and orderly. Much better organized than a man. I reached a finger and gently parted the labia. I was, however, a lot more complicated inside. Wow! All sorts of mysterious folds of flesh. And so sensitive! I tried to identify all that was there — the urethra, the clitoris, the vagina. Even with the education I'd gotten at Girl School, I still wasn't sure what was what. Interesting, but not really erotic. I sent a finger questing inside me for the first time. Struggling a bit — I was tight and dry. My finger felt so large — how would a penis fit inside me? I pulled my finger out and sniffed it — a hint of the girlish musk I'd exuded earlier. All in all, I was fascinated by my new sex — arousal was something else, though. Although watching a cute girl play with herself in the mirror did offer some possibilities. But remembering Dr. Wilson's comments, I knew I needed the right environment to really give my vagina a test drive. So I got into the bubble bath with the scented soap and the warm water. That alone made me feel relaxed and tingly. By the time I was lathering my breasts, things were beginning to come together. My nipples got so, so firm! It was amazing how bold they were. I spent the next several minutes gently stroking my chest, reveling in the new sensations. Having breasts was fun! And that started the fire between my legs. So, I sent a tentative finger down again. This time, my vagina seemed much more open as I pushed a finger deep into me. Ever so deep. Ever so nice. My breathing increased as I moved my other hand to explore my vulva. It wasn't long before I found the erect clitoris — the tiny, feminine remnant of what had once been my penis. Oh! It felt... Oh! Soooo sweet! Now, for the first time, I was masturbating as a girl. This time I was in charge of my body. My clitoris was even more sensitive than the tip of my penis had been. Mmmmm! That, combined with the steady pumping of my other finger in and out of me, was quickly creating a glow — an approaching wave I had grown to recognize. Yes! More... please, more! I found myself wishing I had a third hand to stroke my breasts, which had swelled even larger, the nipples the size of thimbles. I alternated one hand between my chest and my womanly crotch to take advantage of all the delightful new parts I had. Ohhhh! Heaven... it's heaven! My clitoris was now every bit as hard as my penis had been — and each caress around it took me to a new level of excitement. My vagina was producing new fluids that seemed even more slippery than the water in my bath. I spread the lubricant over my vulva, which made the caressing all the more satisfying. I was moaning in my soft, girlish voice — my hips pushing up, seeking the penetration my vagina demanded. Dr. Wilson was right — 'she' sure was insistent! Since there was no boy around, my finger would have to do. I felt the wave come closer and I knew it wouldn't be long now. Oh, yes... my body... my girl's body... oh I love my girl's body... yesss! Somehow I found the perfect combination of nipples and clitoris and vagina and that sent me over the edge. The wave carried me up and then crashed down on me. My vagina contracted tightly around my finger, holding it in place — adamant that I remain inside 'her'. Don't stop... please don't stop... ohhhh! Shaking and trembling, I cried out as my orgasm lifted me to heights I'd never imagined. Never... never will I regret being a girl! Never! Not... not if I can feel... soooo... sooo goood! Gasping for air, I slowly came down from the peak. Oh my god, that was incredible! Still more intense than my 'spontaneous' climaxes and a whole universe apart from the male equivalent. I was too weak to move for several minutes - just letting the warm water caress every inch of this wonderful female body I now inhabited! Okay. Before this gets out of hand, let me point out how people under the influence of certain stimuli (drugs, alcohol, sex or MTV's 'Jackass') aren't really thinking clearly. Earlier today, my orgasms had rendered me pliant to Principal Grogan — submitting to an exploitation I never would have accepted in my right mind. And the delight I'd just experienced a moment ago did not mean I didn't still resent what GB had done to me. But I was rapidly learning that being a girl did have its compensations. If I had to be stuck this way forever — well, there were worse fates. With a naughty smile, I finished my bath and stepped out of the tub. I was just reaching for my towel when my mother walked in. Opposite sex family members really have no business seeing each other naked once the child nears puberty. On those few occasions when my Mom and I had opened a door at the wrong moment, we'd quickly covered up. But now that we were both the same gender, I strangely felt no embarrassment at being unclad in front of her. I leisurely toweled off while she looked at me. I suddenly remembered this was the first time she'd seen me naked as a girl. After a couple of moments of staring she apologized. "I'm sorry, Stephanie — I'm just so mesmerized by you. You really are my daughter!" "In the flesh, Mom." "I'm not sure how I feel about this. I love you as much as ever, but I miss my son, too. And I also think I'm jealous of how gorgeous you are." I blushed. I had mixed feelings as well. It was weird hearing my mother praise my femininity. And yet it was kind of... gratifying. That night I couldn't resist 'getting acquainted' with myself again. And again. And again. Perhaps the most marvelous thing about female sexuality was how I no longer required 'down time' in between those mind-shattering orgasms. So I acted like a kid at Christmas, enjoying her new toy. God, it was fun! All I had to do was reach down between my smooth legs, and there it was — waiting to deliver one incredible climax after another. At least I had the presence of mind to strip off my panties and cover the bed with a towel beforehand — the only way to control the eruptions from 'Old Faithful'. I also found different positions could produce even greater delight. My favorite was lying on my back, one forearm reaching behind my knees and pulling them all the way to my swollen breasts, while my other hand reached around my sexy ass to part my labia and marvel at the treasures within. And it wasn't long before I used the same techniques to enhance the experience as when I was a boy. Fantasies. Only this time, the genders were reversed. No more imagining myself in bed with Sue or some stacked Playboy centerfold. No — now it was a succession of males. Initially, my fantasies focused on filling the emptiness that so desperately beckoned me — deep inside my girl's body. I conjured a variety of ethereal members that plunged into me — over and over. But soon my fantasies grew elaborate — I found myself with a phalanx of lovers caressing every inch of me. I'd stroke my nipples and envision a man's hand doing the same. I'd trace gentle circles around my clitoris and pretend his tongue was lapping away. I'd send a finger into my ever-so- wet vagina and dream of his penis filling me up, oh! Filling me up so completely. At first faceless, my dream lover became more fleshed out — until Thursday night, when I lay gasping after my third orgasm and realized I'd just dreamed of Hal making love to me — that same penis I'd seen in the locker-room shower so many times before, now fully erect — taking my virginity as our bodies blended together — boy and girl, man and woman. And I was the woman. And I liked it. No — I loved it. As I made the journey from male to female sexuality, there were some bumps. Once, I found myself stroking my clitoris as if it were my old equipment. It tried, oh it did try. It would swell and grow hard in response to my touch. But even at maximum stimulation, it could only achieve an inch or so in size. Just like the rest of me, my once proud penis had been fully transitioned into girlhood — a tiny, delicate, little clitoris. Bathed in an endless sea of femininity — 'she' could only dream of what she had been, but would never be again. 'Her' masculinity taken from her — her erection now so small it could easily be contained within the snuggest of womanly panties. So there was a little backsliding as I missed what I had been. But only a little. The overwhelming physical pleasure of being a girl, combined with the rich fantasy life I was constructing — was rapidly altering my outlook. After a few nights of masturbating as a young woman, I began to wonder if I was approaching the 20 percent of GB ladies who preferred their lovely new bodies to what they had before. Dr. Wilson had been right — I had no more spontaneous orgasms. Apparently, as long as I satisfied my desires at night, my vagina would behave 'herself' during the day. That was for the best, because it was clear that Hal and I were falling for each other. Our conversations were awkward and shy, but with the intense subtext that marked two people attracted to one another. When I was talking with him, I couldn't help but recall the delightful sexual reveries I'd been having about him. That had to be showing on my face — I didn't intend to give him 'come-hither' eyes, but I just couldn't help it. He was so sweet and so... so damn cute! I never could have imagined myself seeing a boy as sexy — but there it was. My journey to mental girlhood was moving inexorably forward. Not only was I assessing a guy on the basis of looks, I was now imagining him... me... us. Of course, that led to endless teasing and giggles on the part of Sue, Arleen and even Becky — who'd resigned herself to the whole mess with extraordinary grace. Yeah, it was a regular Peyton Place around my circle. Arleen wanted me, I wanted Hal, Becky wanted Hal, Hal wanted me, but I still missed Sue, who still missed Jack, who used to be Hal's best friend! I thought of the old J. Geil's song: You love her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else, you just can't win. True to her word, Sue took me bikini-shopping. Milford had a small department store, which catered heavily toward the overalls and sundresses that marked country 'fashion'. But recently, they'd improved their stock of contemporary clothing for teenage girls — a fact to which I'd been oblivious, for understandable reasons. Sue quickly acquainted me with the endless options of bathing suit styles: high-cut, hipsters and (shudder) thongs. Bizarre did not begin to describe my feelings at dashing in and out of changing rooms with Sue — trying on one outfit after another, while seeing my former girlfriend (romantic version) totally nude. She was lovely, but it just wasn't the same. A week ago, a vision of Sue like this would have made me harder than a case of Viagra. Now, nothing. Sigh. And then there were the bikinis themselves. Sue tried to force me into the skimpiest ones possible, but I drew the line at thongs. There was no way I was going to give any boy that kind of a thrill. Girls' bathing suits were so... revealing! I could barely stand to have Sue see me in them — and we were the same gender. How was I going to muster the courage to wear one in public? In the end, I settled on a cream-colored two-piece that was rather daring in the front, making the most of my breasts — but more conservative in the back, with 'full-seat coverage'. I was getting comfortable with having cleavage, but no 'butt-floss' for me. I was stunned at the sight of myself in the bathing suit. God, I was so... female! Sue looked at me with an open expression of envy. "Stephanie — I seriously think I'd sell my soul for your chest." I blushed — I was doing that a lot these days. Such a change — before GB, I'd have loved having a girl express desire for my body. Now the sentiment was a little different, to say the least. Friday came around. I'd worn dresses and such all week, so I took a day off from flaunting my femininity and wriggled into a snug pair of low-rider jeans and a simple cotton blouse. It felt a little odd to be in pants again. I enjoyed the freedom of not having to keep my legs together, and yet — I missed the swirling flow of a skirt. I realized that moment that I'd taken another step towards womanhood: — I didn't just tolerate skirts, I actually kind of preferred to be in them! I found myself looking forward to Monday, when I could put on another dress for school. How had this happened to me? A week ago I was a boy, for heaven's sake! My only interest in a young woman's clothes was how to get them off her. Now, I could hardly wait for the little thrill that came with wearing pretty panties and cute skirts. Unreal. I was turning into a true girly-girl! It was an uneventful day — the big moment would come this afternoon — at the track meet. This time, the stakes were higher. Our local athletic district was separated into two divisions. Today's meet was the Western Division championship — the first rung on the ladder to the big competitions. Those who finished in the top four would go on to the next level — the District title. The top performers there would qualify for the Sectional meet — all of central New York. And finally — the winners at the Sectional race would advance to the New York State Championships — where I'd finished third last year. As a boy. Now I was trying to win it all as a girl. Miss one rung on that ladder, though, and I'd be out. There were no second chances. Survival of the fastest. I sat next to Becky and Hal on the bus ride over to Wyndam — where the district race would take place today. We chatted lively at first, but the closer we got to the school, the more the butterflies kicked in. The whole team grew quiet as we began to focus on the competition ahead. We arrived at Wyndam, where a dozen schools had already set up their 'camps'. The smell of witch-hazel liniment was in the air as we unloaded all the equipment — batons, vaulting poles, discuses (discii?), etc. Wyndam had a lovely track — set in a natural bowl, which cut down on the wind. It was surrounded by pine trees and a bubbling stream. The well- rolled cinder surface was flawlessly marked into lanes by the white lime. The tension was palpable. I reveled in the atmosphere — this was what I lived for. Girl or boy, I didn't care. But as our team approached the track, something unusual happened. Melody McCarthy, the Oxton star miler I'd beaten a few days ago approached us, along with her coach. Two district officials accompanied them. More ominously, there was a county sheriff's deputy — in full uniform — walking toward us as well. Our team met them, puzzled. "Coach Bradford?" one of the officials said. "Yes?" "I'm afraid I have to serve you with a court order. There's been a legal motion against a member of your team." "What's this about?" my coach asked. "The county judge has issued an injunction — prohibiting Stephanie Lind from competing in the girls' mile today." "What the he..." Coach Bradford's faced darkened. The Oxton coach spoke first, his tone dripping with venom. "It means the hermaphroditic freak that you're trying to pass off as a girl isn't going to be running today. Unless 'she' wants to take on the boys." Behind him, Melody was smirking broadly. There were gasps all around me as my heart plunged downward. "You have to be kidding," Coach Bradford responded. "The state recognizes her as a female — look at her driver's license, for God's sake. Heck, just look at HER!" He gestured at me and everyone's eyes seemed to fixate on my breasts and hips — and the smooth crotch that proved my femininity. I blushed — and felt a strong desire to cover up. But my skimpy racing briefs weren't going to get the job done this time. The official spoke. "I'm sorry, Coach — but the injunction is in order and the deputy is here to enforce it. The district's hands are tied — Stephanie cannot compete until the status of her... gender has been settled in court." I was standing there, frozen in shock — while Coach Bradford protested. "This makes no sense — what reason would you have for stopping her?" Oxton's coach replied. "I'll grant this kid may look like a female." He ran his eyes lewdly over my half-naked body. "But 'she' was a boy just last week. 'She' has no business taking away opportunities for real girls like Melody. If you want 'her' to compete, you're going to have to prove 'her' former masculinity doesn't give her any unfair advantage. And while you're at it, Coach Bradford, you can apologize to my athlete for the humiliation you put her through — running a fake girl against her." Coach Bradford was livid. "How about I apologize for what I'm going to put YOU through? Let's start with that brick wall over there!" In five years, I'd never seen him like this. He stepped up to the Oxton coach — whose mocking attitude evaporated as he took in the size of my coach. One of the brawny Oxton shot-putters tried to head Coach Bradford off — but Mark Williams (BMW), bigger than any of them, moved to block the Oxton kid. It was getting very ugly, very fast. Fortunately, the deputy quickly calmed everyone down. The district official spoke again. "Between you and me, Coach Bradford, I sympathize. But Oxton has the law on their side. You're going to have to settle this in court. Until then, Stephanie has to stay on the sidelines." I was finally able to speak. "But if I don't race today, I'm out for the season!" "That should give you plenty of time to practice stuffing that bra better," Melody snickered at me. "You're just jealous 'cause she's faster than you are," Becky snapped back. "And a helluva lot sexier," Hal chimed in. "Damn straight," Becky echoed. "She's twice the woman you'll ever be, you pathetic bitch!" The riot nearly started all over again — but the deputy restored order once more. He was certainly earning his pay today. Coach Bradford studied the injunction, but shook his head sadly. "I don't see any way to avoid this, Stephanie. We'll have to sit this one out." As we walked away, Coach Bradford called out to Melody's coach. In a tone worthy of Schwarzenegger, he said: "She'll be back." I was surrounded by sympathetic teammates — and I was very grateful for their support. But I shooed them away and told them to get warmed up. They had races to run and I didn't want my disaster to impact anyone else. Alone, feeling glummer than I could ever have imagined, I headed for the bleachers. Tears formed in my eyes. Again! I'd had my hopes dashed, then resurrected, then dashed again! I was crying openly now. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. Every damn time I tried to make peace with what had been done to me, I suffered another setback. I was just a normal boy with a special talent and all I ever wanted to do was make the most of it. Then I was turned into a girl against my will. I'd worked to accept my new body, my new life. The strange new clothes, the complex social structure, the intricate nature of my feminine sexuality. I'd tried to cope with my reduced athletic ability — not to get too hung up on the 'not bad for a girl' theme. But all that was gone now. My season was over. No scholarships to carry me into college. My mother was right — I should have had a back-up plan. Now, I saw myself graduating in a few weeks, with no real prospects. Just a country girl. I thought of the Charlie Daniel's song: Rich man goes off to college and a poor man goes to work. Poor girl wants to get married and a rich girl wants to flirt. I shuddered at a vision of myself shopping for gingham tablecloths at the local Wal-Mart, while my farmer husband awaited me in the pickup to take us square dancing. I'd reminisce about our honeymoon at Niagara Falls. I'd have three kids by the age of twenty-one and spend my precious free time baking pies for the 'girls' at the coffee klatch — where we'd trade recipes and compare crop yields. Maybe I'd join the military — at least that would get me the hell out of this place. But then I wondered what would happen if the military decided I wasn't a real girl either? There were no separate dorms for GB kids. More despair. Maybe I was doomed never to fit in anywhere. Shades of Cher — I felt like a halfbreed. During the meet, I cheered on my teammates. It wasn't easy — the magic, the energy of the competition was gone. But I applauded and called out encouragement when I could — using that damn girly soprano I now had. In between events, some of the other kids visited me in the bleachers, while I dashed tears from my eyes and tried to put on a brave face. Even though my heart was breaking. The one good thing — Oxton's perfidy had really fired up our team. It was obvious from the start we were going to finish ahead of them in the overall scoring — both boys and girls. Mark Williams obliterated all comers in the shot and disc, Hal won the two-mile as well. I chuckled — their coach's strategy had backfired a bit. In a perfect world, Becky would have beaten Melody in the girl's mile. But we live on Earth — Melody easily won the division title in 4:52. I noted with satisfaction her time was still slower than the one I turned in earlier this week. At least Becky lowered her personal best by another two seconds and finished second. I was very happy for her — she'd qualified for the district meet next Tuesday. But although both the Milford boys and girls team had performed well, there was still a sense of loss as we boarded the bus for home. Usually, the ride back was a chance to chill — sing songs, tell jokes, etc. But my mood was subdued — although I was really trying to be upbeat. Coach Bradford took a seat next to me. "Stephanie, do you remember what I said to the Oxton coach?" "Yeah — something about 'I'll be back'. But how can that be? Even if we get the injunction overturned by Monday — it's too late. I'm out for the season." He smiled. "No, you're not. Or have you forgotten Nationals?" My heart suddenly leapt. I HAD forgotten Nationals! Let me explain. Track is unique among sports — for it crowns a national high-school champion. Sure, every state has tournaments for champions in basketball, football and so forth. But a 50-state tournament for a match play sport is impractical. There's no way to devise a NCAA-style 'March Madness' to settle the best high-school basketball team in the country, for example. The expense alone makes it impossible. But track is different. Because it's based on individual events, it's possible to determine national champions in a single meet. Nike and Footlocker sponsor the National meet every year — moving the competition from state to state. There were only three requirements. One, be 18 years old or less. Two, you had to be enrolled in an accredited high- school. And three, you had to meet the qualifying standard. In other words, each event, from 100 meters to the pole vault mandated a minimum performance that scooped up the 10 or so best athletes, boys and girls — from across the United States. The standards were set very high to ensure an elite competition — but if you qualified, it didn't matter what other races you missed. Coach Bradford waited for me to get it. "Now you see, Stephanie. Last Tuesday, you ran a 4:49 in a sanctioned, certified meet. You may not be able to go to the New York State championship — but you most certainly meet the requirements for the National race. As I mentioned, you're ranked third in the country right now." "But what about the injunction?" "It won't apply — the National meet is beyond New York State's jurisdiction. And I'll have to check, but I believe Nike and Footlocker have not forbidden the inclusion of GB girls. Besides, once we get Jim Martin on board, we'll get that damn court order quashed." "So there's still hope," I smiled. "Absolutely. If you win the Nike meet — and prove yourself in head-to-head competition — to be the fastest girl miler in America, all the colleges will be after you. And if you get Mary Decker's record... well!" I was still uncertain. "Did you say Jim Martin?" "Yep. If anyone can bring this madness to an end it's him." I pondered that. Jim Martin was well known to everyone in Milford. He'd been a high-profile attorney in Washington, DC. He'd even worked some of the Congressional inquiries that drew so much media attention during the Reagan, Bush and Clinton administrations. But he'd grown weary of the big-city life and had hung out his own shingle in Milford — his wife's hometown. Now his legal work consisted of wills and property settlements. Why anybody would settle down here was a mystery to me — but if he was willing to take my case, then we had an ace in the hole the Oxton side may not have considered. So there was hope. But I was still morose as I took Hal up on his offer to give me a lift home. We were silent for a few moments. Then I spoke. "Great race, Hal. I'm looking forward to seeing you run next week." "Thanks. I just can't get into it, though. I'm royally pissed about what happened to you." "Coach thinks we can beat the injunction so I can run in Nationals." "That's terrific!" Hal exclaimed. "After everything you've been through, you deserve a chance to show what you've got." "I hope you weren't referring to my uniform." Was I fishing for compliments? He laughed. "No. Although you've got a lot to show off there as well." He paused, then resumed. "I just wanted to say how much I respect you, Ja... Stephanie. I don't think I'd have handled... becoming a... things as well as you have." "You can say it, Hal. I'm a girl." "Yeah... that." "You know, it's really not all that bad. I think I could deal with it if I could keep running. But if I lose that... I... I don't know what I'd do! I..." And suddenly I was crying. Hal pulled the car over into my driveway and looked at me with concern. "It's just that when I'm running, that's the only time I feel normal. I forget about panties and breasts and all that. I feel like I did when I was Jack. Without it, it's like I've lost myself..." My voice was shaking and I started to sob. So Hal did what any boy would do with a girl crying in his front seat. He took me into his arms and held me. It was so comforting — his arms were strong, as if he were protecting me. I felt safe, at peace. I didn't even consider the strangeness of having a guy hold me. I just went with it. After a few moments, I got myself under control. Then I felt a hand tip my chin up. I looked into Hal's blue eyes — gazing at me with such intensity. There was caring, compassion — and something more reflected there. And I realized at that moment, for the first time in my life, I was about to be kissed by a boy. My heart began pounding as his face drew nearer — but I didn't even consider turning away. A tiny gasp came from me as his soft lips met mine. It was wonderful! Very intense. I'd had fantasies about being with him — but this simple reality was so much more. Oh! Kissing him was quite different than with Sue. He was the boy, the aggressor — maintaining that ever so sweet contact — gently exploring my lips. And I was the girl — letting him make the move while I decided if I liked it. I did. His tongue thrust carefully forward. For a brief moment I resisted — but then my mouth opened for him and he entered me. There was an old expression I read once — advice from a woman to a girl: "Do not open thy lips unless thou plannest to open thy limbs." Now I knew what she meant. There was an intimacy about French kissing as a girl that mimicked sex — the male penetrating the female's lips to explore the space within. Oh my. My body was responding in every way now — pulse racing, nipples firming, breasts swelling. Somewhere in my frazzled state I remembered Erin from GRS warning about how easy it was for a girl to lose control. Despite every cell of my body screaming for me to hold onto this boy, to let him continue — I managed to pull away. I quickly got out of the car. "Stephanie, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... for us to..." Panting, I stood a few feet from him, then shyly met his eyes. No frustration or anger from him. He was genuinely worried about me. I managed a small smile. "I'm not upset, Hal. How could I be when I was only wondering what was taking you so long?" I smiled again, then turned and raced into the house. Jesus. I'd just made out with a boy. And I wanted more of it. Lots more! Right now! I showered, but that didn't lower my arousal. In fact, as I looked at the shower head, I remembered the stories I'd heard about girls and nozzles. Slowly, I undid the head and moved it down... between my legs. A little to the left... no... up a smidgen... and... Oh YES! It took less that thirty seconds for me to have the most spectacular orgasm yet — I was coming in colors, nearly screaming with delight — visions of Hal and I making love adding to the potency of the climax. Oh God... oh God... how could I ever have been satisfied with a boy's body? Trembling, my knees weakened and I slid to the floor of the shower, water still streaming from the nozzle. I knew there was a dreamy expression on my dazzled face. Jesus! It seemed every time I came as a girl it just got better and better! I wasn't sure if I could handle more of this. Who was I kidding? Of course I could and I wanted to press on. But not right now. At least the orgasm had drained the immediate... need... Hal had inspired in me. One interesting thing I was learning from all this. Girls were human too. As a boy, I'd always regarded girls as these mysterious otherworldly creatures, untouched by the base desires that had inspired my male sexuality. At best, I'd seen girls acquiescing to sex out of affection or love — somehow more pure, more ethereal. But now that I was female myself — I could see that girls got horny, as well. They too had physical needs comparable to guys. A vagina made things a little different, maybe — but the same concept applied. After a hot and heavy make-out session with Sue, I'd usually come home to relieve the pressure in private. And as a girl, after a similar encounter with Hal? Same thing — although a shower nozzle was a much more effective... aid. I was surprised to find Mom outraged over the court-order that had barred me from the track. I'd expected her to be pleased that my running career was most likely over. I knew she would take no delight in it of course, but I thought she'd be relieved I'd have no more distractions from school. I was wrong. Mom had apparently picked up on how important running was to me — and then too, she detested the idea of someone questioning the femininity of her daughter. In addition, she didn't feel as though it was anyone's business but ours whether or not I ran track. And she could tell I was genuinely hurt by it all — no good parent tolerates a child in pain. So the next morning, she drove me down to Jim Martin's office — a well- appointed set of rooms on the ground floor of a lovely Victorian mansion near the center of town. The furniture was plush leather and the carpet was so thick it felt like mud. Mr. Martin may have chosen the quiet country life — but he'd retained a fondness for the trappings of a big-city law firm. We were escorted into a spacious conference room by the secretary. She was a pretty young blonde woman in an elegant, albeit feminine, business suit. My first thought on seeing her was how much I liked her hairstyle, followed by curiosity over how I would look wearing her matching jacket/skirt combo. Only after that did I consider how full her breasts were — and even then, my reaction was not one of desire, but rather... jealousy. God, I was becoming soooo female! Jim Martin entered the room. He was short for a man — about my height. Close-cropped dark hair with a hint of gray around the temples. Despite the casual hour — Saturday morning — he was formally dressed in a well-cut suit. I felt an instant charisma about him — he carried with him a great sense of confidence. Not arrogant in the least, but a powerful man nonetheless. He introduced himself to all of us, studying me closely as we shook hands. We sat down and Coach Bradford recounted the previous day's events. Mr. Martin listened attentively but asked no questions. Once the coach was finished, the attorney reviewed the injunction and was silent for a few moments. Then he looked directly at me. "Are you a girl, Stephanie?" The bluntness of the question startled me. "I... I... yes..." I stammered. "Let's try again. Are you a girl?" "Yes," I said firmly. "Much better." He spoke to everyone at the table. "That's something you all will have to prepare for. As we move forward in challenging this injunction, Stephanie will become the target of a great deal of attention. Much of that attention will be negative and all of it will seek to cast doubt on her gender. It's very important for you to banish any lingering questions you may have as to the true nature of Stephanie's femininity. All of you, Stephanie in particular, must act as though her girlhood is an inviolable fact, beyond any debate. "Why is that so important?" my mother asked. "Because this case is going to become a media circus." "How?" "I'm going to make it into one," he said flatly — with a hint of a smile. And I knew at that moment we had the right man for the job. "So you're willing to be my lawyer?" I asked him. "Absolutely. I wouldn't miss this for the world." Coach Bradford spoke. "But why make it so public?" "There are two possibilities here. One — Oxton has filed this injunction because they have a genuine concern to ensure a level playing field for all athletes. Or two — Oxton has filed this injunction because they have a star athlete of their own, and this is an excellent way to eliminate one of her competitors. Which do you think it is?" "The second." Coach Bradford and I spoke simultaneously. "Correct. Despite my years in Washington, I retain a sense of idealism. However, I'm also honest in my assessment of human nature. When one looks at Oxton's position, and one also considers the rest of the district does not object to Stephanie's participation, it is obvious that Melody McCarthy and her coach are motivated by personal ambitions. That's where the media comes in. "You see, American journalism in the 21st century is focused on the so-called human interest element of any given story. Facts are not nearly as relevant as emotion. I intend to present Stephanie as she really is. A lovely young girl, struggling to define her femininity and learn what it means to be a woman. Just like any other teenage girl. Trying to grow up and figure out who she is. Just like any other teenager — boy or girl. A girl with an extraordinary history and an even more extraordinary talent. She's not looking for fame — she just wants to be the best athlete, the best girl, the best person she can be." Wow. With his mellifluous voice and vocabulary, Mr. Martin had defined me better than I'd ever done for myself. "In short, the media can't help but present Stephanie to the public as a sympathetic figure. And when I finish contrasting that with the naked self-interest of McCarthy and her coach, the public will see Stephanie as the wronged party. That aids our case — because whether we like it or not, what happens outside the courtroom influences what happens inside it. Recall OJ or the Massachusetts au-pair girl." The attorney continued. "And this is doubly important for us, Stephanie, because transgendered law is ill-defined at best. I started research last night, as soon as your coach called me. The good news is that you are recognized as legally female in all fifty states. But that only applies to public institutions, and only in certain ways. It is still permissible for any private entity to define 'female' in accordance with their own criteria." "You may remember the story of Renee Richards, back in the 1970's. She became a woman via a sex-change operation. She won the right to be recognized as a female by her home state — her driver's license and amended birth certificate reflect that. But when she attempted to play professional tennis as a woman, the US Open and the USTA invoked a rarely used 'sex test'. They defined 'woman' as a function of one's chromosomes. Since Richards still had the XY genetics of a man, when her cellular structure was put under the microscope, she failed to meet the standard set by the tournaments. Despite her legal status as a woman, she lost the courtroom battle and was barred from playing in women's events." "But I'm XX," I said. "Exactly. GB goes far beyond any operation. Boys transformed by GB into girls are considered to be females as a matter of settled case law, at both the state and federal levels. That was resolved fairly quickly after the advent of GB. What has not been resolved is the status of sports — which remains perhaps the only area of public life where there is a distinct and irreconcilable difference due to gender. Because males as a group are more potent athletically than females, crossing that line will inevitably result in conflict. That's what happened to Renee Richards and what Oxton is hoping will happen to you." "Will it?" I asked nervously. "Not very likely." He spoke with such confidence I was instantly reassured. "Unlike Renee Richards, there is no conceivable standard of physical femininity you cannot meet. No matter what 'test' Oxton may attempt to invoke, you will pass it as the girl you are. I confirmed that in my discussions with the Syracuse GRS this morning." I was impressed by how much he had already accomplished. He continued. "The only strategy that can help them is the unknown. Because GB is so mysterious in origin, Oxton will argue that the lack of scientific explanation as to how GB functions means there are too many uncertainties to permit you to compete. They will claim that you may have some hidden advantage, some hint of masculinity locked away that gives you an unfair edge when competing against girls. They'll be pushing the intangibles." "That sounds like it might work," Coach Bradford said. "If this were a criminal case, absolutely not. They would have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you were still male in some way — which they cannot possibly do. But since this is a civil matter, there is a chance, albeit slim, that they could convince a judge. By the way, there will be no jury trial here — the tort process requires the judge to make both findings of fact and findings of law." "So the judge that signed this injunction will be deciding," I said morosely. "Yes, but don't get too pessimistic about that. Judge Burrell has a fair reputation. He's an old-fashioned guy and that will work in our favor." "How so?" "Stephanie, for all the high-flown legalese, his decision will come down to one simple question: are you a real girl? It will be your job to convince him you are. If he sees you as such, we can easily make our case. You've got three more days to get ready — we'll appear in front of him on Tuesday." "That fast?" I was suddenly nervous again. "Time is of the essence here. While it's too late to get you into the state competitions, we must conclude this prior to the national championships. Yes, I researched all that as well. We need a formal declaration from a court to establish the precedent, once and for all, that you are female in every way. That will not only protect you, but all the GB girls who come after you as well." He continued. "After all, Stephanie, you're the first male national-class athlete to attempt to resume competition as a girl. There was one basketball player who was considered an NBA prospect — but GB took nearly a foot of height away from him and once female she never played in the WNBA. I suspect it was just too much for her to cope with." I vaguely remembered the story. I could sure sympathize with her, though! "So now you understand. In the end, Oxton will not set the standard for femininity — you will. On Tuesday, you need to be attired accordingly." Mom spoke. "Should we get her a business suit?" I thought back to the secretary. "No," Mr. Martin said. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but she'd look like a little girl playing dress-up in her mommy's clothes. Better for her to look like the feminine teenager she is, rather than a contrived attempt at womanhood. I suggest a spring dress, just below the knee, soft pastels, no prints, lightly ruffled collar and sleeves, with matching hose and heels. Something that a young girl would wear to church." I was amazed at his sartorial expertise. He was very, very good. I guess you get what you pay for. Speaking of which... He seemed to read my mind. "Don't worry, Stephanie — I'm taking this pro bono. Fact is, you're doing me a favor. I have no regrets over choosing the peaceful country life — but I do miss the challenge of making new law — and that's what we're going to do here." He smiled, shook our hands and reminded us to be at the county courthouse on Tuesday. I spent a quiet day doing a few chores and some homework. I was considering what my attorney had said this morning — about how it would all come down to one thing — proving my gender to the judge. And I knew it was much more than just having a woman's chest and vulva. After all, Renee Richards had all that too, but it hadn't helped her in the sports arena. But could I get the world and the judge in particular, to accept me as a real girl — when I was still trying to accept it myself? If I was filled with apprehension about tonight's pool/slumber party, how would I do in the courtroom? Still, I am stubborn, as you've no doubt concluded by now — I was going to try. I pondered it all while mowing the lawn. Sweat poured down into my bra — I grumbled a bit — wasn't this supposed to be a boy's job? It would have been nice if turning into a girl had gotten me out of some of the more onerous tasks around the house. Though it was probably for the best I wasn't too focused on stereotypes of gender-appropriate labor. After all, despite my newfound femininity, I was still a lousy cook. I lost track of time — Mom called me to get ready. Hurriedly, I raced through my shower. "Honey, I'll pack an overnight bag for you." "Thanks, Mom — please don't forget my bikini." God, it felt surreal to say that! I spent a few minutes fussing with my hair in front of the mirror, strangely nervous — and I realized I was actually worried about how I would look for the boys. I ran a brush through my long locks. No sense in worrying too much — it was just going to get wet again. I pulled on a set of snug denim shorts over pink cotton panties and tugged a cute tee over my chest. I checked my look — simple, but sweet. I seemed so young! I raced for the car, where Mom was waiting with my bag. She drove me over to Sue's place. "Your first slumber party — how fun." "I don't think they call them that any more, Mom." Borrowing from Sue, I was trying to play the sophisticated teenager — even though I knew far less than she. "Whatever the name — they're all the same. You'll talk and giggle the whole night long — then sleep until noon." She smiled in indulgent recollection. I rolled my eyes, pretending to be jaded. We looked at each other — then burst out laughing. "Okay. I admit it. I don't know anything." "You'll be fine, honey. Just relax and have a good time. And make sure Sue kicks the boys out before bedtime. After they see you in that bikini — they won't want to leave." "Oh, Mother." I said dramatically. But I was a little concerned — as an ex-boy I knew even better than she how right she was. How was Sue going to keep control? We arrived at the house and I gave Mom a quick kiss before heading inside. You're a Doll, Baby! Sue greeted me at the door, wearing the sexy bikini (is there any other kind?) we'd picked out for her earlier. She looked very, very nice — but... last week I would've needed a bib to control the drool. Now, no physical response at all from my body at all. Nothing more than appreciation for another girl's beauty. I really had changed. Speaking of which, Sue guided me to a bathroom where I could put on my own bathing suit. It was a warm day, but I shook a little as I stepped into the skimpy bottoms and carefully tied the top across my breasts. Still a bit bizarre to look in the full-length mirror as I undressed — seeing the naked teenage girl I'd become. But I was starting to get used to the idea of looking like this. If only my suit wasn't so revealing! Who was I kidding? If I didn't really want to reveal so much skin, I wouldn't be wearing this in the first place. There was a part of me, growing stronger every day, that liked the idea of showing off. Narcissistic? Oh, yeah. Shakespeare did write 'Vanity, thy name is woman'. But as I tentatively stepped out of the bathroom and went out to the flagstone deck, I understood something else. A woman's body can give her power over men. No, it's not PC — but it does help to make up for smaller muscles, etc. And that power was on full display as I joined the others. Every boy's head instantly swiveled to check me out. There were about a half-dozen guys there and I was acutely aware of how scanty my bikini was. At least with my racing briefs, I got to wear panties underneath. But now there was only a single layer of Lycra protecting my... girlhood from view. And I truly had cleavage, to boot — more than any of the other young women at the party. I felt almost naked! Then I spotted Hal. My heart jumped a little as I saw him for the first time since our kiss last night. He stared intently at me, smiling and serious at the same time. I understood where he was coming from. He genuinely cared for me as a person, a friend. But he was a healthy male, and looking at me as I was now dressed was inevitably causing a response. I couldn't stop my eyes from gazing at his crotch, and even his baggy trunks couldn't conceal the erection rising within. My body was responding, too. Just the knowledge that Hal wanted me was reaching deep into my newly female psyche. And he looked very good in his own right. Very good. Unbidden, my mind recalled one of my fantasies I'd been pleasuring myself with. Hal, on top of me, gently kissing my breasts while I reached down to stroke his... All of this happened it about 30 seconds, as we just stared at each other. My nipples felt as if they would burst through my top. Sue and Becky came up to us then. "Break it up, you two," Becky said. "Should we get you a room?" Sue teased. I literally had to shake myself out of the erotic trance I'd fallen into. Jesus! And to think I'd thought boys were the hornier gender. I made the rounds, meeting the rest of the group — mostly Sue's cheerleading friends. Arleen was there too — I'd prevailed upon Sue to invite her. "Nice suit," she smiled at me — a devilish look in her eyes. I actually blushed as she discreetly looked me up and down. Getting checked out by a girl had taken on a whole new meaning for me. "You, too," I responded. She was in a light-blue one-piece that highlighted her generous curves. "I'm glad you came. Are you having a good time?" "Strangely, yes," she replied. "Sue always did have a friendly crowd, and there's some real eye candy here." She chuckled slyly. "You got that right!" Becky said, as she arrived in time to hear Arleen's last comment. I had to hide my smile — she had no idea where Arleen's real interests lay. In fact, as I noted Becky's pretty yellow bikini, I could see Arleen was very entertained. I continued the rounds, smirking inwardly at how all the boys manfully attempted to keep eye contact with us girls as we mingled. They were good guys, trying their best to behave — but our skimpy bathing suits sure didn't make it easy for them. That was the power I spoke of earlier — the one I'd acquired with my girly new body. And that defined the difference between how the boys and girls dressed. I considered the guys in their baggy swim trunks, hanging down to their knees. And then I considered the girls — in our high-cut, skin-tight bikinis — with the fabric pressing tightly against our smooth crotches. Our chests barely contained. Proving our femininity in the most obvious of ways. In fact, while our bikinis seemingly concealed our breasts and our vaginas, all it really did was draw attention to them. Just the opposite of what I used to be. Girls were the ones who wore the short skirts, the sexy tights, the clingy dresses. We were the ones who put our bodies on display, not the guys. Although a naughty part of me longed to see Hal wearing a bikini bottom. Still, at least his chest was bare — and quite nice to look at. Smooth, flat, lightly muscled. Oh yes... I damn near fell into another trance. God, this was incredible! I was drooling over my best friend's body — a guy I'd been showering with for years. Uh, oh. Don't go there. I struggled to banish images of a naked Hal, dripping wet, from my mind. Struggled to dismiss thoughts of his long penis, dangling as he dried off — a penis that I'd love to have pushed deep into my... Fortunately, Sue called us into the water for some games before I could embarrass myself again. I quickly dove into the pool, and was horrified when my top started to come off. While underwater, my heart racing, I managed to secure it back across my chest. Whew! Being a girl offered many more opportunities for embarrassment. I'd been lucky to stay underwater as long as I did, because I was far more buoyant than ever before. And not just my extra body fat. I was mesmerized by the sight of my breasts bobbing in the water — as if they wanted independence from my body and to go drifting off on their own. And of course, the chill made my nipples rock hard. And here I was thinking that the pool would offer some protection. Ha! The other girls were in a similar boat, so to speak. The guys were in heaven, as to be expected. Just as I would have been a week ago. We horsed around in the water for the next half-hour or so. We had classic 'chicken-fights — boys on the bottom, girls on top — trying to tip each team over. I partnered up with Hal and struggled to push Sue, Becky, Arleen and the others off their 'mounts'. I wasn't used to my new position and Hal and I were tipped more often than not. We didn't complain, though — every time we fell into the water, Hal took the opportunity to discreetly caress some part of my body. My breasts, my legs, my butt — whatever was handy. After fifteen minutes, I was so erotically charged I starting falling into the water on purpose, just so he could grope me some more. We switched games, which was for the best. Although I was continuing to pleasure myself at night — I was still very leery of getting too aroused in public. Big Mark Williams (aka BMW) was impressing everyone with how far he could toss a girl across the pool. I was stunned at his strength as he gently picked me up and swung me ten feet through the air to splash down in the deep end. God, he made me feel like a little doll! Fun ride, though. We finished in the water and grilled hot dogs and burgers. I still felt immodestly clad in my sexy bikini and I wanted to put on a T-shirt. But the other girls stayed in their suits, so I did the same. After another hour of conversation, laughter and the occasional fall into the pool, we began to wind down. I noted with interest that over time I didn't mind showing so much skin as I did before. It seemed more natural to be dressed like this. I guess I was just getting used to another aspect of life as a girl. Eventually, we banished the guys. There was lots of good- natured protesting, but they headed to their cars with high spirits as we followed them to say good night. I walked with Hal to his car, and then I went for it. I felt an electricity run through my body and I seemed to lose all control. I put my arms around his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him deeply. This time I was the aggressor — pushing my breasts against him, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. I could feel his erection rising as our bodies pressed together. Oh yes... "Okay you two. Ten more seconds and then we're breaking out the hoses." Sue said laughingly. Hal and I looked deeply into one another's eyes, then we reluctantly parted. Unbelievable. One week as a girl and I was nearly ready to have my best friend make love to me. Nearly. For the thought of making love as a girl (for real, not a fantasy), was simultaneously the most wonderful and the most frightening thing I could imagine. But I now knew it was going to happen. And soon. My body's needs were overwhelming me — and I also craved the emotional bond I was forming with the guy. I wanted him. There. I said it. What's the big deal, anyway? I'm just a girl who wants her guy to make love to her. What could be more normal than that? Why should a little thing like 'I used to be a boy' be an issue? It certainly wasn't for him. And it was becoming less of an issue for me, too. On the way back in, I noted Becky and Mark (BMW) saying good night rather intimately. I smiled as the cute girl stretched up to give the big man a quick kiss. He blushed and drove away. Now that was good news. I still felt guilty about Becky and Hal, even though she'd been so cool about it. Mark was a nice guy and if he and Becky could make something happen, I was sure it would be good for both of them. I headed upstairs to get changed. I opened the bag my mother had set up for me to get out my nightshirt. But it wasn't there. Instead, she'd packed a very frilly pink nightie. I pulled it on, the fabric gliding sensuously across my skin. And stopped, stunned, as I realized it ended at my hips. Now wait a minute. How come this nightie was so short? I reached back into the back and pulled out a matching pair of pink ruffled panties. Oh, no. This was no ordinary nightie. This was a set of baby-doll pajamas! There was a note in the bag. Dear Stephanie, I loved to wear baby-dolls when I was a girl — now's your chance to join in on the fun! This one's a classic style from the 1950's. You're going to look so adorable in it. Don't worry — the other girls will be delighted. Love, Mom Frantically, I searched the bag for something else to wear. No luck. My mom had planned well. Like it or not, I was going to have to parade around in front of everyone dressed in the silliest, most ultra-feminine outfit possible. At least the guys were gone. Although, as I pulled on the matching lace panties, a part of me regretted Hal's absence — I'd love to see the look on his face if he saw me wearing this! God, the panties felt nice! Snugly wrapping my hips in a lovely layer of ruffles and frills, just wearing them made me feel girlier than ever. The hem of my top was so short, my panties were sure to show to one and all. Which of course was the whole point of baby-doll pajamas — a girl was extra-cute when her pretty underpants were on display. This was the most explicitly feminine garment I'd worn to date. Last week, I would have looked ridiculous dressed like this. Now, I looked adorable. Just like my mother had said. With the puffy sleeves, empire waist and bare legs, my baby-dolls made me appear youthful and innocent, and yet somehow sexy and tantalizing at the same time. I sighed at my mother's deception and made my way downstairs — with more than a little trepidation. I needn't have worried. Mom was spot-on with her prediction of the other girls' reaction. They were delighted — far from laughing at me, they almost seemed jealous they weren't dressed the same way. I kept getting comments on how 'retro chic' the outfit was and how I was turning into more of a girl than they ever believed possible. They got that right. And so began our slumber party. I quickly learned to dismiss all the classic male fantasies about such events. We didn't give each other spankings, nor did we practice kissing with one another, nor did we strip to our underwear and have a pillow fight. None of that. I wasn't really surprised. By now, I'd learned that most boys' assumptions about girls were no more accurate than medieval Europeans' assumptions about a flat earth. Fact is, a girls' slumber party wasn't really all that different from a guys' 'bull session'. We talked about boys, teachers, boys, homework, boys, graduation, boys, sports, boys, clothes and for a little variety — boys. Once again, I was learning that girls were people, too. Sure, they... we dressed a little different (just look at the ruffles on the seat of my panties!), and we communicated differently — but girls and guys really have similar aspirations. Good friendships, success in school, sports, getting into the right college and romance. There was a lot of gossip about who was going out with whom, and I took more than a little ribbing about Hal. But I knew the girls were just having fun, so I went along with the laughter and had a good time. Then things got a little more serious. The girls finally broached the hidden topic — my ambiguous gender. I knew they were curious. After all, how often does a girl get a chance to ask another girl what it's like being a boy? "I heard about that whole injunction thing," Sue said. "Are you really going to court?" "Yep. I have to get a ruling about my legal status if I want to compete as a female." Karen, one of Sue's cheerleading buddies asked, "But won't that be embarrassing — having to testify about your body and all?" "Maybe. But if I back down, that will just give more ammo to all those who feel GB girls aren't really women. I've got to face this now, or I'll be dealing with it the rest of my life." "That's so brave." "I wouldn't go that far. Let's just say it needs to be done, and I'm going to do it." "So you really see yourself as a girl," Becky said. "Yes," I said. "I'd better, considering how I'm dressed." There were some chuckles at that. Karen spoke again. "So what do you like or not like about a girl's body?" I thought for a moment. "I guess I could sum it up this way - I like panties, but I don't care for bras." Puzzled looks from the others. "Okay. I mean, I like how a girl is built... down below. It's... nicer than being a boy. And panties are soft and pretty and fun." A few nods at that. "But I'm having more trouble with my... chest and the bras that go with it. It's awkward. And it makes me self- conscious." "I think I understand. And with your chest, you've got more to worry about," Karen replied jealously. I blushed. "Maybe — but it's a tradeoff. I guess that's the story of life. You get positives and negatives either way." "But overall, do you like it — as a girl?" Arleen, quiet up to now, spoke. I paused. Then, "Yeah — I... I really do. I mean, there are a lot of things I miss about being a guy, but..." I paused again, thinking. "But there's something special about being a girl. I can't really put my finger on it, but it's cool in its own way. I've still got a lot to figure out though." "Do you like it — better?" Arleen spoke again. I really thought hard before answering. "I don't know. But I'm beginning to think it's possible. I can't believe I'm saying this... but I think a day might come when I'll like being a girl enough that I wouldn't want to go back." There were smiles all around. Then Sue stepped out for a moment. The other girls seemed to be waiting for something — there was anticipation in the air. Then Sue returned, carrying a box. "I've talked this over with the others, and we all agree. We want you to have this." And she handed the box to me. Tentatively, I took it from her and opened it. Inside was a cheerleading uniform. Astonished, I felt my jaw drop. I looked at Sue and her teammates in shock. They smiled back at me, along with Becky and Arleen (who were not on the squad, but were clearly enjoying the moment). "You... you want me to be a..." "Yes. You can say it, Stephanie. We want you to be a cheerleader with us." I picked up the gold top with the dark-blue pleated skirt in amazement. "I... I don't know what to say..." I stammered. "Say you'll join us, silly," Karen responded. I felt a surge of emotion run through me. I couldn't believe how thoughtful, how accepting they were! Sue sensed my confusion. "I think I can speak for all of us when I say how much we liked you as Jack. And not just in the romantic way," she said with a wistful look. "You were one of the good guys. And we were all worried about how you'd handle becoming a girl. So many guys act as if girls are second-class citizens. But you've been great. You didn't sit around moping about how being female was a shameful thing. You didn't act like you'd been demoted by your new gender. Instead, you threw yourself into it like it was some... some track meet. One week as a girl and you're wearing bikinis and baby-dolls, running races, hanging out with your girlfriends and falling for a great guy. But even more than that, you're treating your femininity with respect — and that reflects well on us all." The rest of the girls nodded in affirmation as my eyes grew watery. My god, they were so sweet! I felt so, so lucky to have these friends. I'd never experienced anything like this as a boy. Remember when I said I could imagine a point where I'd prefer to stay this way? At that moment, I was nearly there. I knew Sue was taking a risk here. She'd been captain of the cheerleaders for the last two years — so she'd shaped the team in her image. You know how in some schools, cheerleaders are emotional terrorists — wielding their popularity as a weapon to dominate less fortunate girls and boys alike. Sue, of course, was different. Her team did volunteer work in the community and helped out younger kids with counseling. Yeah, the girls were human, so there was some sense of 'specialness' about them — but they really tried hard to avoid looking down on those not so well placed in the social order. Inviting me onto the squad was chancy for Sue. She'd probably take some heat from parents and students — those who agreed with the Oxton assessment that I wasn't a real girl. But it was symbolic as well. The football and basketball seasons were long since over — there were only a few weeks to graduation. Just naming me to the squad carried a message. Nothing conveyed the image of the 'All- American Girl' more than a high-school cheerleader. Karen spoke up then. "Bottom line, Stephanie — we're proud of you. And wait 'till they learn in court you're on the squad! That'll show those Oxton twits." She said that with such determination, I felt my heart leap. Oprah time. I nodded my acceptance and burst into happy tears. Then there were group hugs, sniffles and lots of pats. I was truly touched by their gesture. I can't really say that girls have closer friendships with each other than guys do with their own gender. But I can say girls express it far more readily, and that made me feel very supported by them — which in turn led to my tears. I felt ever so grateful to have these young women in my life. After I got under control, Karen said to Sue, "Is she going to go through the..." "Initiation? No, I think that's a bit much to expect of her," Sue replied. Nervousness again. "What's the initiation?" I asked. "Well... as you know, we wear the uniforms once a week. There's a tradition we have for a new cheerleader." She hesitated, and actually blushed. Karen picked it up. "When a new girl wears her uniform to school for the first time, she puts on the skirt, the blouse and the vest. But she doesn't put on the..." "What?" I asked, growing a little exasperated. "Her tights!" all four of the cheerleaders laughed at once. "Wait a minute..." Arleen chuckled. "You know, I'd wondered about that," she said. Sue spoke up again, noting my confusion. "I keep forgetting you used to be a boy — so you probably aren't up on all the details. You see, Stephanie, cheerleaders wear matching tights under their skirts — they're really special panties that go over the girl's underwear. It gives her a little modesty, which we all need considering how short these skirts are. Years ago, a ritual got started among the Milford cheerleaders (don't ask me how) — when a new girl was welcomed onto the squad, she had to spend one day at school, in the uniform, without tights." "But that would mean..." I said, almost horrified. "Yep. Everyone would see her panties. Her everyday panties. There's no way for a girl to keep them from peeking out when she's dressed like that. And you know how boys are..." I had to laugh. "Yeah, I think I do." "But we don't expect you to carry on like that. We know you're kind of a special case." Sue tried to reassure me. I thought I'd caught a glimpse or two of underwear beneath a cheerleader's skirt over the years. But as a boy, I had no awareness of feminine apparel, so I just enjoyed the view. Now, though, it would be my turn. They were offering me an out — should I take it? "Did all of you go through this?" I asked. They nodded. "Then I will too. Just promise not to laugh, Okay?" The whole squad applauded me. "That's our girl!" one commented. "And the tradition goes on," Sue said. "Needless to say, you'd better wear your prettiest undies — because every guy in the school will be seeing them." I shuddered. What had I gotten into? Oh, well. Besides, there was a naughty part of me that liked the idea of teasing the boys. After that, we turned to other topics. More conversation, snacks, music and so on. It was a lot of fun. And of course, no slumber party would be complete without the interruption by the annoying little brother. His name was Chuck, about 13 or so — Becky caught him on the stairs, spying on us. Several of us squealed, pretending to be shy. I just stood, frozen in place as the young boy studied my appearance, open-mouthed. Jesus, I'd thrown footballs around with this kid and now he was seeing me in frilly baby-doll pajamas! I blushed. "Cute panties!" he said admiringly to me as Sue ordered him back upstairs. I ruefully shook my head — that was just a taste of what I would go through when I wore my cheerleading suit to school. God help me. And yet, I wasn't entirely unhappy. Later, Arleen and I got a quiet moment. She eyed me up and down — I could tell she was very pleased with my outfit. "I just wanted to thank you for inviting me, Stephanie. You know I don't get out much and you know why. But tonight's been a lot of fun," she smiled at me. "I'm really glad, Arleen. It meant a lot to me to have you here." "And I'm so happy for you with joining the squad and all. I mean — I usually look upon cheerleading as a construct of the patriarchy intended to indoctrinate young girls for a life of being sex objects..." I laughed at the classic clichÈd analysis. "I take it you've already audited a women's studies course over at the university." She laughed too. "Well, maybe it's not that bad. But in your case, it's just right. It's the camaraderie, being accepted for what you've become. You're a classy dame, Stephanie." "So are you, Arleen." We exchanged a hug and rejoined the others. As my mom had said, we talked and giggled for another hour before finally crawling into our sleeping bags. My pajama top kept riding up on me, but the outfit was so silky smooth and fun to wear, I really didn't mind. And we didn't get up until noon. When I got home, Mom was eager for all the details. I gave her a little hell for tricking me into the silly baby- dolls. "'Fess up. You loved it," she smiled. "Well..." "I see you've still got a hint of boy left in you. You seemed to feel you have to pretend to detest looking like the cutie you are. But I can tell — you're falling for it, Stephanie. You just can't resist dressing like a girly-girl — because deep inside, you don't want to be anything else." "You don't know the half of it." I showed her the cheerleading outfit. Her eyes widened. "I see Sue's raised the ante," she said in wonder as she held up the pleated mini- skirt. "Are you going to wear it?" "Yep — tomorrow, along with the rest of the squad." There was a mixture of emotions on my mother's face. "What's wrong?" I asked. "For years I've always considered cheerleading the wrong activity for young women. I don't like the idea of girls standing on the sidelines, encouraging boys. I'd rather see them on the field in their own right." "You sound like Arleen." "But on the other hand, when I was in high-school, I wanted to be a cheerleader more than anything. I never made it — so my disdain is probably sour grapes." She paused, then smiled wryly. "I can't believe it — I'm jealous of my son, who's now more of an icon of girlhood than I ever was." We both started to laugh. The whole thing was so ridiculous. And yet there I was, the next morning, getting dressed as a cheerleader. I was careful in my selection of panties, because it was certain they would be on display. Much as I'd come to love the feel of nylon hipsters, I knew they would be dangerous — they were far too sheer to risk. Instead, I pulled on a pair of white cotton Olga briefs, with a hint of lace. Obviously feminine, but not too racy. Then it was time for the navy skirt, which was absurdly short, reaching only partway down my thighs. I put on the sweater-vest combo and headed for the mirror. Reluctantly, I left the matching blue panty-tights behind. For the umpteenth time, I was amazed at the sight of myself. Each new outfit I put on drove home the point. I was such a... a... girl! I spun in a circle, testing the suit. My pleats swirled up, and I caught a flash of white. No doubt about it — if I wasn't very, very cautious, my feminine undies would show to one and all. With apprehension, I made my way to the school bus, careful to keep my hands near my hem in case any breezes rose up. I felt soooo exposed! And yet, there was a part of me that was pleased to be dressed like this. I suspect that there's a strong streak of exhibitionism in many, if not most, women. It's a balancing act. A girl doesn't want to seem trashy — as if she's flaunting her body. And yet she does want to appear sexy, albeit in an innocent way. Bikinis, mini-skirts, cute dresses and such are ways for a girl to show off, without looking as though she's trying to do so. But I was also learning the little thrill a girl feels when she knows she looks nice. And my outfit was perfect for the task. Inadvertently revealing. After all, what use are pretty panties if no one can see them? God, what has happened to me? On the bus, I sat next to Arleen, being ever so cautious with my skirt. It was so damn short I couldn't even tuck it under me. I had to sit with my panties directly touching the bench, and carefully arrange the skirt in a circle around my hips. But I knew an alert boy could still catch a glimpse. Or an alert girl. "Nice legs," Arleen commented — discreetly checking me out once again. I smiled at the routine we'd developed. We both knew we would never sleep together, but for the first time in her life, Arleen was free to acknowledge her sexuality. She could flirt with me and know I'd appreciate it. And I did — as an ex-boy, I could still enjoy having a pretty girl desire me. We felt safe with each other. The reaction of the kids to my status as a cheerleader was predictable. More gasps, jaw-dropping, whispers, etc. By now though, I was thick-skinned enough to stop a MOAB. It just didn't bother me. Though I was adjusting to the skimpy costume — I felt a lot more comfortable when I hooked up with Sue, Karen and the rest of the squad — all dressed the same as me. There's something about a uniform, no matter what the circumstances, that bonds people. They pulled me into the girls' room. "Well?" Sue asked, smiling. The other girls were smiling as well. I quickly figured out what they wanted. Blushing, I lifted my skirt to show my compliance with the silly hazing. They responded with delight. "Nice panties.", "Cute butt." and so on. Then the jokes stopped. "You belong with us, now," Sue said. "And we're glad to have you," Karen added. I smiled at them warmly. I really had become one of the girls. God knows the boys were reacting to me as such. The initial shyness they had around me was long gone. As a cheerleader, I'd become a target of male attention to a degree I'd never experienced before. Yet I could sense the power I had, too. Just like at the pool party, the guys were in such awe of my body I could have gotten them to carry my books, buy me snacks or maybe sign over the titles to their cars. I had to restrain myself from abusing their attention. I didn't want to lead them on. Besides, there was only one guy on my mind. Hal's reaction to seeing me as a cheerleader was intense. He looked as if he were ready to scoop me up, carry me off to a bed somewhere, and make love to me. I was terrified to realize that if he had tried, I probably would have let him. And further proof of my girlhood was on the way. Halfway through math class, I felt a little strange. Not another orgasm, thank God — but still, oddly damp. I went to the bathroom to check things out. There was blood on the crotch of my panties. Just a few drops — but it was undeniable. I was starting my period. I slumped against the wall in amazement. A couple of weeks ago, the thought of being forced to endure a girl's period would have horrified me. Now... well, I can't say I welcomed it. While I knew most young girls looked forward to their first menstrual cycle — I was hardly in that category. I hadn't put in their time as a prepubescent female — being programmed with breathless anticipation for the event. And yet — I was pleased in an odd way. For this was, at age seventeen, the same experience other girls had at age twelve — an affirmation of womanhood and a sign of maturity. And that was reassuring to me. But it was also more proof that I could never be a man again. Another door slamming shut on the life I might have had — if I hadn't been hit with GB. And there was still enough boy in me to regret the loss. Jack was gone forever — my bloodstained underwear left no doubt of that. I sighed, reached into my purse, and clumsily put the pantiliner in place. That would hold me for now — though I knew my flow would increase over the next day or so, and I would have to deal with... tampons. Yuck. Of course, this HAD to happen on the day I was wearing a cheerleader's uniform, sans tights. Which made concealing my panties more than a matter of simple modesty. It was one thing for everyone to see I was a cute girl in cute undies. It was something else for everyone to see that I was riding the crimson wave. But it was impossible to keep my guard up every second. While at my locker, I suddenly felt my skirt being lifted all the way to my waist. I gasped out in shock, frantically pulling at the hem, trying to cover up. I whirled in anger to see the mocking leer of Andy Marks. "Well, well, Miss Lind. I'm a little disappointed — I thought you'd be a thong girl." "Don't try to think, Marks — at least until the Ripley's Believe It Or Not crew arrives to document it." "You're certainly making progress. Seems like you're in a shorter skirt every time I see you." "And it seems like you're more of an asshole every time I see you." "Such a big mouth for such a small girl. I'm looking forward to filling it." He loomed a little closer — but there were a few kids around and I knew he couldn't try anything physical. Still, I was intimidated — and I hated feeling that way. "By the way, what was that tiny bulge in your panties? It couldn't be what you used to have — not even you were that under-endowed as a guy." I wanted to come back with another retort — but instead, thinking of the pantiliner nestled snugly against my vagina — I just blushed. He may have been a jerk — but he figured it out. "You're on the rag, aren't you? You really did turn into a perfect little pussy, eh?" He seemed almost amazed. "And what's your excuse?" I responded. "I guess I'll have to wait a few days before I arrange for some quality time for us. But don't worry, Stephanie, our time will come. In every way." The bell rang before this delightful repartee could continue. But as he left, I caught that strange look in his eyes again. There was a subtext here I was missing. While I pondered it, my cell rang. It was Mr. Martin, my attorney. There's No Such Thing as Bad Publicity "Stephanie, are you ready to go public?""What do you mean?""There's a CNN team on their way to your school right now. They'd like to interview you about your experience and your goals."I felt a wave of nervousness. "I... I'm...""Don't worry, Stephanie — you'll do fine. All you have to do is be yourself."But that was the sixty-four dollar question. Who am I? Mr. Martin continued. "By the way, what are you wearing?""My cheerleading uniform.""You're kidding." I told him about being invited onto the squad, though I left out the hazing part."That's priceless! We couldn't have planned it any better. You're going to be perfect. I've already made arrangements with your Principal Grogan. He was very accommodating and spoke highly of you."I'll just bet he did. "When will they get here?""About twenty minutes. Just relax, Stephanie and let your femininity carry the day." We said goodbye.My mind was in a whirl — I was about to be interviewed by one of the largest news organizations in the world. CNN's audience ran upwards of a billion people each week.And they were going to learn about me? What in heavens name am I going to do? I didn't even want my deadbeat father to know I'd changed sex — and now I was going to broadcast it to the planet? I prayed Mr. Martin knew was he was doing.Sure enough, I was summoned to the principal's office a short time later. Knees shaking, I walked in to find a lovely blonde woman — very professionally dressed, talking with Mr. Grogan. She smiled as I entered, while my principal was taken aback. I suddenly realized he'd not seen me in a cheerleader's outfit before. Our eyes met, and I knew the same image was flashing through both our minds: me, lying across his lap, with my short pleated skirt hiked up while he... disciplined me.Even more disconcerting was the brief sexual thrill that ran through my body, and the realization that a part of me wanted to recreate what we had done together last week. I shook myself back to reality and was introduced to the reporter. Her name was Connie Hart — and she was a pro. She had a knack for making people feel at ease while simultaneously taking charge."It's a pleasure to meet you, Stephanie. Mr. Grogan has kindly granted access for us to talk and to show a little bit about what you're going through."I found myself envying her gracious manner and elegant style. I was a girl — she was a woman. I realized I had a long way to go before I'd ever reach her level of sophistication. Amazingly though, I felt like I wanted to get there someday.We spoke in a conference room for a few minutes while the camera crew set up. Then we did some takes under the lights before the formal interview began. It was nerve-wracking at first, but like any skilled journalist, she was adept at drawing people out. I was relaxing more and more while I told my story — to the point where I was revealing my emotions to a greater degree than I ever intended. Without meaning to, I teared up as she gently questioned my reaction to being barred from running.After I got back under control, she asked a number of background queries. Then they did some candid shots — me with my friends, working out on the track and so forth. I cringed as they caught me on camera holding hands with Hal. All the other kids were intrigued as the TV crew traveled with me through my daily routine.It was over before I knew it. As the gear was being packed up, Ms. Hart came back to me."I must say, Stephanie, I am very impressed by you. I've always been fascinated by boys who've been forced to deal with GB — but you've put a novel twist on things. As a journalist, I strive for objectivity, but that doesn't prevent me from wishing for happy endings.""I was scared of this whole idea," I responded. "I wasn't sure what I was getting into — but thanks for going easy on me.""Don't worry, Stephanie. Just watch tonight's broadcast. I think you'll find I'm more than fair." There was a glint of humor in her eyes as she said goodbye.That night, Mom and I waited in front of the TV with great anticipation. My stomach seemed to move to a spin cycle as the announcer introduced the story.Then it began. Connie Hart did the voiceover."Meet Stephanie Lind. By all appearances, a normal teenage girl. She's a student (shot of me in class), a cheerleader (shot of me in uniform), and an athlete (shot of me on the track). She gossips with her girlfriends (shot of Becky, Sue and I giggling) and has a place in her heart for a special guy." (shot of Hal and me). I groaned upon seeing that."But Stephanie is no ordinary girl — for just a couple of weeks ago... she was a boy." (File footage of an earlier race — eerie to see my old self on the screen)."Now GB is not a new phenomenon, and many stories have already been told. But what makes Stephanie unique is a court injunction that implies she's not really a girl after all — and that may cost her the dream of a lifetime. For Stephanie is arguably the best high-school miler in United States. As a schoolboy, she recently became the first to run a sub-four minute mile in three decades. Although struck by GB, she refused to be stopped in her quest for athletic excellence. She bravely rejoined the team as a girl, and produced one of the fastest female times in the country this year."Yet her hopes for the future are in jeopardy, because a rival school recently blocked Stephanie from competing. Their reason — despite all scientific evidence to the contrary — they are claiming she should not be considered a biological girl and should be prohibited from competing against other females."The camera shots shifted to a close-up of the Oxton coach. Extreme close-up, making him look rather sinister. And it was then I realized this was turning into a classic '60 Minutes-style hatchet job."Coach Jenkins, you say Stephanie should not be allowed to compete. Every major scientific body in the country has defined GB girls as truly female. Why is your position different?" I was amazed at the change in Ms. Hart's tone — aggressive and scornful."Well, I just want to be sure she doesn't have an unfair advantage due to her previous status as a boy. We don't know..."Ms. Hart interrupted him. "Despite the overwhelming evidence that no such advantage exists?""Well... there's no absolute proof of that. She could still have an edge that science cannot detect.""And the fact that you have a star athlete of your own isn't motivating your actions at all? If Stephanie's out of the picture, then your girl is much more likely to win the national championships, isn't she?" Ms. Hart's tone became accusatory. An unflattering picture of Melody McCarthy was shown. God, did these newscasters have an agenda or what?"It's not about that," Coach Jenkins replied awkwardly. "We just want to make sure things are fair, that's all."Instant cut to me being interviewed by Ms Hart at school. A tear running down my face. "All I'm asking is a fair chance to compete."There was a little more of the Oxton side, with Ms. Hart listening disdainfully to Coach Jenkins. At one point, he obliquely attempted to imply I wasn't a real girl, which led to another instant cut of me in my cheerleader's uniform — caught in a very flattering light. My breasts pushed out my top quite nicely and I noted for the first time that I had really good legs. It was for certain I was as feminine as could be. When that image was juxtaposed with Coach Jenkins' comments, he appeared silly.Which was the whole point.There were more interviews with my friends — including Coach Bradford and Sue."What was your reaction when you learned your boyfriend was turning into a girl?""I was so scared for him — about how he was going to handle it. And I was so sad to realize our romance would be over." There was a poignant look on Sue's lovely face."And how have things been since he became Stephanie?" Ms. Hart asked.Her expression brightened. "She's amazing! I'm very proud of her. She's adjusted so well and she's determined to be the best girl she can be. I think of her as my sister, now."The piece ended with a shot of me gazing pensively across the school's 400-meter track, my long hair blowing gently in the breeze. Ms. Hart gave the voiceover. "Stephanie Lind has already faced more challenges in her few years than most. Tomorrow, a court will decide if this young girl's dreams will stay alive, or if they'll be taken from her - the way her previous life was. Reporting for CNN, this is Connie Hart."Wow. They'd certainly done a number on Oxton. The phone rang — it was Jim Martin."Did I not tell you?" there was a satisfied tone to his voice."You sure did, Mr. Martin. They couldn't have been better if we paid them. Um... we didn't pay them, right?""Don't worry, Stephanie, I don't play that way. I just gave them what they wanted.""And what was that?""A story that writes itself. Modern journalism isn't about facts or truth any more. What editors want nowadays are simple morality plays. They want heroes and villains, good guys and bad guys. All neatly packaged up in a few sound bites. We opened the door and let their stereotypes carry the day. Of course, Oxton did make it easy for us.""You ARE good.""Thank you, young lady. And you were great. Now get some rest. We've got a big day tomorrow."Hal called me then to wish me luck."You looked very, very nice," he said."So did you. You don't mind that we were outed?""Nope," he replied with certainty."I... I was a little worried, Hal. I keep thinking you're going to figure out I used to be a guy and then run away from me. I'm amazed you're not embarrassed.""Yeah, sometimes it's kind of weird. You'll get a certain expression or make a move and I'll remember you used to be Jack. But now, you're so... so girly! Don't take this the wrong way — I'm kind of glad this happened. I'm... happier with you than I ever imagined. You're a real lady... through and through. You're Stephanie now and the fact that you were born a boy doesn't mean you're not truly female. I can... sense it.""Like a disturbance in the Force.""You know what I mean. There's something different about girls that resonates with a guy. I feel that with you — if you were still male in some way I wouldn't have these same... emotions. And if other people can't deal with that, fuck 'em.""I'd rather you did that to me." Jesus! Did I just say that? I felt my face flush — damn hormones. I had a vision of a new movie: "Milford Girls Are Easy".He paused for a moment and I swear I could sense his erection over the phone. There was an almost palpable sexual tension in the air — in reaction to what I'd said. However crudely, I'd just confirmed what we both had anticipated: that sooner or later, we were going to make love. My heart fluttered and my panties grew wet. Then Hal took a ragged breath. Finally, he chuckled."All in good time. And now I have to... attend to certain matters." Being a former boy — I knew exactly what he meant. He wished me luck again and we said good night.I was in a state of arousal myself, as I envisioned him... relieving certain pressures with me in his thoughts. I spent a little extra time in the shower with my new friend, Mr. Nozzle. I kept imagining a tumescent Hal, him fantasizing about being inside me — while the fact that I could turn him on excited me even more. I struggled to keep silent as the intense girl's orgasm washed across my body (ever so gooood!) — but a few soft moans were inevitable.I had an uneasy night's sleep. I was nervous about appearing in court, and I also felt a little guilt as I recalled the CNN story. Oxton really had been set up to lose and I wasn't sure if that was fair. But then I remembered the insulting attitude of the Oxton coach and Melody's snide remark about bra-stuffing. That kept me from feeling too remorseful.The next morning offered two more feminine firsts. Tampons and nylons. There's probably a song in there somewhere:"Oh, he was a good boy, real good, yes sir... But now it's tampons and nylons for her."My period had reached the point where I could no longer rely on pantyliners to keep things under control. Instead, I would have to rely on... Rely. I was forced to ask my mother for help — the whole applicator process was intimidating. Once again, no dignity for me as I squatted slightly to insert the plastic and cotton assembly into my...Like before, whenever I was doing something new that drove home how female I'd become, I felt a little less sure about my new life. Jack seemed to manifest himself, in protest of the girl he was trying not to be. But it was useless. He... I... we... were irreversibly a member of the fair sex — doomed to endure every facet of femininity. And we would never return — a point driven home as I adjusted to the awkward feeling of the tampon deep inside me. It felt so large! How was a penis supposed to fit down there?Meanwhile, Mom was swooning over her little girl growing up and becoming a woman. After all, this was supposed to be one of those classic mother-daughter bonding moments. I tried not to grumble too much — but I did come across as a little bitchy. Was I having PMS?At least the stockings were better. Yeah, it was a hassle pulling them up into place over my panties, but my, they felt nice. Warm, yet cool and very sensuous, especially when combined with my lacy white slip. The dress, a soft, light green number was next, ending just below my knees. Still more adjusting as Mom helped into my first pair of heels.Jesus! With all this frilly underwear I was reaching new levels of girlishness. Walking in this body and with these clothes was more than simple motion — I felt as if I were... gliding. Mom carefully brushed my hair, and then it was off to the mirror once again to see how yet another outfit displayed my feminine charms.I looked so young, so pretty and ever so female. I felt my confidence rise a bit — there was no way anyone could look at me and see a boy. Mom had done a great job. I turned to see her beaming at me — and I could tell she was pleased with her efforts."You're so lovely, sweetheart.""You've worked a miracle, Mom.""Well, considering what I had to work with."We both chuckled. "You always wanted to do this, didn't you?" I asked her."Stephanie, it's not PC, but I can say it now. Every mother dreams of having a daughter she can dress up and make beautiful. I guess it's some extension from our doll- playing days. But of course, when a mom only has a son, she can never act on it. Although I used to imagine you'd be in some school play where you'd have to be a girl. I even had a wig picked out."I shuddered. Even now, the thought of dressing in girl's clothes was still a touch intimidating. I was glad Mom never had a chance to experiment when I was still a boy.We drove for the county courthouse, in Norville — about fifteen miles away. My anxiety rose as the minutes ticked off. At least I was distracted by the constant play of my dress, slip and stockings — caressing me all over. I felt ultra-feminine... and I liked it.Mom smiled at me. "It's fun, isn't it?"I no longer tried to deny it. "Yeah. It's weird being in these clothes — but it's nice." I was finally past the stage where I felt I had to pretend I didn't like wearing a dress, and all the rest. I really did like it... and to hell with anyone who thought I shouldn't! Move Over, Ally McBeal When we arrived at the county courthouse, I wasn't surprised to see all the TV trucks and media throng gathered outside. Last night's CNN broadcast, combined with the tight deadline of the court docket, meant this story would burn hot and fast. If I was lucky, it would all play out in the next day or so, and the press could turn its attention to the latest celebrity marriage or which of the 9 (90? 900?) candidates for president made the silliest gaffe of the week. And though I'd be grateful when this circus came to an end, it was serving a useful purpose. So as I walked through the crowd of reporters (still amazed at being in nylons and heels!) I was careful to put on a nice smile and politely answer a couple of the hundreds of questions being tossed at me. "How do you like being a girl?" — "More and more every day!" "Why are you challenging the injunction?" — "I'm an athlete and I'm just hoping for a fair chance." "Do you think it's fair for you to compete against girls?" — "Why not? I am one." "Do you like wearing dresses?" — "Yes, although I could do without bras." — "No, you couldn't!" the female journalist replied jealously, prompting some good-natured chuckles. "Do you have a boyfriend?" — "I'm not supposed to take the fifth until I'm inside the courtroom." A few more chuckles at that. Jim Martin met us at the top of the steps and quickly escorted us to a restricted conference room where we could speak in private. "Well done, Stephanie — you handled them just fine," he complimented me. "I've got a feeling that will be the easy part," I said apprehensively. "Don't worry, Stephanie. Yes, Oxton is going to be challenging — but I'm confident you'll be up to it. Remember, the facts and the law are on our side — you really are a girl and we have the legal precedents. They'll try to trip you up and make you act like a boy — because their best chance is to show you've still some hint of maleness within you. Bear with me, for this will sound sexist, but I want you to be a demure, albeit determined, young woman. It's very important for you to appear as feminine as possible on the stand. Are you ready?" Was he kidding? I was wearing stockings across sleek smooth legs. My full breasts pushed out the front of my silk dress. My long hair hung well past my shoulders. I could feel the bra stretching across my back. I had a cute guy as my boyfriend. And deep inside me lurked the tampon that was catching the flow of my period. I didn't just feel feminine, I felt like the girliest girl who ever girled! And I got another boost as we headed for the courtroom. Tamara (formerly Todd) and Jerome from GRS were waiting! I squealed in delight as I ran to embrace them. We'd traded some e-mails over the last few weeks, but I never expected to see them today. "I can't believe you're here!" "I saw the CNN story last night — I figured you could use a show of support. Jerome decided to tag along," Tamara replied. I smiled at the cute blonde girl, who wearing a dress even frillier than mine and with an expertly applied make-up job. "I see your sisters have been busy." "All four of them. It's damn tough to resist them all — they never give me a break. Every few minutes one of them has another skirt, or a new shade of lipstick or a bra and panty set they're just dying to have me put on. They're like tag-team wrestlers. After a while, I just gave up." She had a rueful look on her face — but I could see underneath it she really liked being this way. I turned to Jerome, and in a more serious tone asked her how she was doing. Unlike Tamara, she was wearing a simple blouse and jeans combo, with no make-up. I knew how much she was struggling with the femininity she was forced to endure — I remembered the last time I saw her, hysterical with horror at her female condition. "Better, now. I've been working with the GRS staff a lot — and Tamara's been a big help. It's so cool we both go to the same school. I finally picked a name as well — I'm Jeri." She sighed. "Good adaptation." But I could see the sad look in her eyes. It was so hard to match that sadness with her remarkable beauty. Tamara and I may have been passing pretty, but Jerome — Jeri — was sensational. Once again I was struck by her flawless dark complexion, even better than mine. Her African features were elegant, aristocratic and sensual all at once. And her figure! Most women would have sold their souls to look half as good as she. And yet, Jeri would forever be a boy trapped in a girl's body. No amount of counseling could help her make the journey that Tamara and I were making — to full acceptance of our destinies as women. For Jeri, even the simple act of putting on a pair of panties would daily force her to confront an unwanted girlhood she could never escape. My heart went out to her — I told her she was looking good, but I was careful not to gush about her beauty. I knew that was the last thing she wanted to hear. "Don't worry, Stephanie. I know I can live with this now — but don't look for me on the cover of Vogue anytime soon." I refrained from commenting she was easily lovely enough to model for the magazine. Both Jeri and Tamara then praised my own look, with many comments about how I was so cute, so adorable, so girly, yadda, yadda, yadda. We exchange hugs and I thanked them for their support. Then my attorney and I took our seats at the defendant's side of the courtroom. Bright TV lights everywhere. I noted the presence of two attorneys on the plaintiff side. Their eyes widened as they saw Mr. Martin would be their opposing counsel. A big-time lawyer from the nation's capital was not what they expected today. Cool! Behind them sat Oxton's Coach Jenkins and that... that... deep breath. Okay — I have to be ladylike here — so, that 'rhymes with witch' — Melody McCarthy. Both of them had sour looks on their faces — I could tell they were still dismayed about last night's CNN story — and they certainly must not have had much fun running the gauntlet of reporters this morning. I smiled inwardly — even if I lost today, it was still worth seeing their expressions of dismay. All across America, these two had been painted as bigoted opportunists. Couldn't have happened to a nicer pair. And then it began. The bailiff called the court to order. "All rise for the honorable Judge William Burrell." The tall, robed figure of the county judge entered and took his seat upon the high bench. He had thinning silver hair, and a serious, but not stern visage. After the clerk identified the case for the record, the judge spoke: "Before we start, I want to hear opening statements from both sides. And no soliloquies, please. Let's stay on point." His voice was a very deep bass and clearly in command. The Oxton attorney, a sharply-dressed woman in her forties, began. "Your honor, our goal today is not to heap misfortune upon the young person we see before us. We appreciate the challenge presented by the phenomenon of Gender Biomorphism and we are sympathetic to the plight of this child. We have no wish to cause more pain. Having said that, we are determined to seek fairness. Melody McCarthy is an outstanding athlete with a proven record of excellence. But her record assumes honorable competition among equals. "That assumption, however, is placed in jeopardy by the participation of young Lind running as a female. We will show today that the uncertainties of GB's origins, its effects on the human body and the unknown ramifications of GB over the long run render any attempt to categorize a GB victim as fully female premature at best. "We wish to reassure the court that we are not motivated by a desire to prevent a competitor from achieving his or her goals... (a couple of snorts from the gallery at that) but rather, by a sincere intent to ensure a level playing field — where those who are truly females can compete against each other in the spirit of equality, and can then take comfort in knowing they have measured themselves against the best of their kind. Perhaps one day, when the phenomenon of GB is more fully understood, it will be appropriate for young Lind to join such competition. But that time is not now." It was a very smooth argument, I thought. Oxton's strategy was exactly as Mr. Martin had predicted — cast seeds of doubt over the true status of my gender by demonstrating all that was unknown about GB. And using a female attorney, expressing a superficial concern for my emotions was clever as well. Finally, the near artful avoidance of any gender pronouns for me — adding to my sexual ambiguity. Then it was Mr. Martin's turn. He stood, and looked not at Judge Burrell, but rather at the Oxton table. "'But that time is not now.'" he replayed the last quote. "If not now, when? It is rather convenient for Oxton to defer Miss Lind's opportunity to compete until after she no longer represents an impediment to their own athlete. And since opposing counsel raised the issue, I look forward to exploring the motivation behind Oxton's legal action in due time." "But most relevant here is a simple reality. Stephanie Lind is a girl — fully female in every way. We will establish that today. She easily passes every reasonable standard of femininity science and society can set. And once we've proven her gender is as undeniable as that of any young woman, we will demonstrate the overwhelming precedents in American case law that mandate she be granted what she has already earned — a fair chance to compete." "That is the true 'level playing field' Oxton claims to desire — one where all female athletes may take said field in honorable contest, free from prejudice, bigotry or... greed." He gave just the briefest of contemptuous glances at the Oxton side. Addressing the judge once more, he concluded: "If Oxton's petition succeeds, it will serve to legitimize the stigma associated with the transgendered, and score a victory for the forces of intolerance. But even more importantly, justice will be denied for this young girl. We can... we must do better for her." There was a smattering of applause as my attorney sat down. Judge Burrell banged the gavel and called for order. "Now it's my turn," he said. "Contrary to what you may have seen at the OJ trial, I run a very efficient courtroom. There will be no tolerance for showboating or theatrics. We have no jury in this matter, and despite the remarkable attention from the media (he looked at Mr. Martin with an irritated expression) I will not be influenced by any outside interest. Today both sides will present evidence and testimony on this point: whether or not the defendant should be permitted to compete in New York State public high school athletics as a girl. At the conclusion, I will render my ruling." I would have been concerned about Judge Burrell's obvious exasperation with Mr. Martin, but as my attorney pointed out to me earlier, we were still ahead of the game, for the judge would know that his decision would be scrutinized across the land. That meant he would have to follow the letter of the law — which was an advantage for us. Up first were the scientists. True to his word, in the name of efficiency Judge Burrell limited each side to one expert witness. I was delighted to see Mr. Martin call Dr. Christine Turley, the physician who had helped me at Girl School. Through his questioning, she gave very explicit depictions of what my body had undergone at the hands of GB, including the complete growth of the female reproductive system and my corresponding loss of size and strength. "So Stephanie is able to function as a biological female, then?" "Yes. She is capable of becoming pregnant and delivering a baby to term. Our examinations also showed that she can lactate and then nurse her potential child." Shudder. "And she will menstruate?" "Correct. In fact, she's probably menstruating right now." Every eye in the courtroom turned to me as my face flamed red in embarrassment. My thoughts flew to the tampon nestled inside my vagina. Jesus — must the whole world know I'm having my period? And — when will I have to change the damn thing? "We'll confirm that when she takes the stand." Of course, he already knew — probably from my mother. One rule followed by all good litigators — never ask the witness a question to which you don't already know the answer. He continued. "In the meantime, Dr. Turley, is there anything about Stephanie's physiology that differs from what would be expected of a 17 year old woman?" "None. In terms of hormones, muscle mass and density her body is well within the parameters of a normal girl." Mr. Martin then walked Dr. Turley through a series of blind studies where doctors and scientists had examined GB and 'normal' girls without knowing who was who. The studies had universally concluded no difference could be detected. GB girls were indistinguishable from the original article. During the cross-examination, the Oxton attorney got very personal. "You examined Jack after his change, correct?" "Yes — I performed HER first gynecological screening," Dr. Turley replied, emphasizing the pronoun. "That included an evaluation of his genitalia, which was superficially female?" "Objection — your honor," Mr. Martin spoke. "As per Jorgen v. State of New York, all those affected by GB are considered legally female upon the final formations of their physiology. From that point forward both New York and Federal law recognizes the victim as a girl. As such, I respectfully ask the court to instruct opposing counsel to refer to Miss Lind with the appropriate feminine pronouns, and by her legal name." "Objection sustained. Counsel will comply." "Very well. Did you note anything unusual about... her... new genitalia." The Oxton attorney placed a mocking pause before she said 'her'. "No. As I testified earlier, Stephanie was well within normal female parameters." "But your own records document the size of her clitoris at 31.0 millimeters, do they not?" "Yes — she would reach that size when aroused — about 1.2 inches." "Tell me, Dr Turley, what is the average size of a mature human female's clitoris?" "The average is approximately 25.0 millimeters, about 1 inch when tumescent." "And is not the clitoris considered the physiological equivalent of the penis?" "There is some commonality — but they also differ greatly in function as well. It is a mistake to consider the clitoris as a woman's penis. One might as well consider the penis as a man's clitoris." "Nevertheless, Doctor, since GB manufactured Stephanie's clitoris from the remnant of her male penis, then does not her abnormal size indicate she retains some element of masculinity that the average female does not?" At this point I felt a storm of horrified emotion. Good God — just a few weeks ago I'd been a normal boy. Now, I was in the body of a girl — sitting in a courtroom, participating in a hearing that was being televised across the country — and everyone was debating the size of my clitoris? The absurdity... the impossibility of this moment was overwhelming. I'm just a — was just an average guy! How the hell did I end up here?! I wasn't sure if I even wanted to have a clitoris in the first place — and now there's going to be an official court transcript forever preserving the discussion of the damn thing! I couldn't help it — a single tear of shame and dismay rolled down my cheek. Without intending to, I locked eyes with the judge. Now we all know that the justice system is supposed to be impartial and objective, but I could see Judge Burrell's brief expression of sympathy. I knew I looked like a sweet young girl, dressed ever in an ever so feminine style. And I knew from my own boyhood that most men feel an instinctive, primal obligation to protect women from pain. So I knew, fair or unfair, we'd made a connection. Dr Turley responded frostily. "As any expert on human anatomy knows, there's a wide range of what is considered normal. Stephanie's clitoris is somewhat larger than average, but by no means abnormal. I could also say the same of her breasts." Everyone's eyes flew to my chest. Blush city once again. Sigh. Dr Turley concluded, "And certainly it affords her no physiological advantage over other girls." The Oxton attorney tried to press the point. "But can you say with scientific certainty that is the case?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" The judge broke in at this point. "Asked and answered, counselor — move on." That ended the cross for Dr. Turley. Mr. Martin then spent a delightful 30 minutes shredding the expert from the Oxton side. For every study or claim the witness attempted to cite, Mr. Martin brought up a counterpart. Not even on the contrived scripts of 'Law and Order' had I seen such a neat, precise dissection. My, he was good. Up next were the coaches — to provide perspective on my athletic ability. Coach Bradford ran down my running history, recounting how I'd become 20% slower since I'd been turned into a girl. He traced the history of the men's and women's mile and showed how my 4:49 as a female was perfectly proportional to my 3:59 mile as a boy — i.e. I was among the elite for my gender(s), but not unprecedented. Coach Jenkins, the Oxton coach, speculated that if I could run a 4:49 mile after one week as a girl, maybe I had some hidden masculine advantage. But Mr. Martin recalled Coach Bradford back and traced my intense training regimen, pointing out I was already in excellent condition prior to GB — after all, I'd run that 3:59 mile just a week before. I noticed throughout the testimony that Mr. Martin kept referring to me as 'Miss' Lind, as opposed to the Oxton side, which kept using 'Ms.' It made sense. 'Miss' was somehow softer, more girly. Which of course was the whole reason the women's movement had embraced 'Ms.' Yet 'Miss' was very useful in building the image of my femininity. And then it was my turn. Nervously, I approached the witness stand, my stockings brushing softly, my silk dress whispering as I walked. I didn't have to testify, but it was obvious it would help my case. I sat carefully, raised my hand and took the oath in my clear, soprano voice. Mr. Martin went first. "Stephanie, are you a girl?" "Yes," I replied — we were replaying our conversation from our first meeting. "What makes you feel that way, besides the obvious physical reality?" "At first... I felt like an actor, playing a part. I was just a boy hanging out in a girl's body. But then..." "Then?" he prompted. "I started to... change. Inside. Each day I felt... different — not connected to who I was as Jack. The way I looked at things, the way I interacted with my friends and family, the way I felt about being female." "What has changed?" "It reached all... all the way to my soul. It's hard to articulate, but I'm a new person now. I've come to see femininity as more than just wearing dresses and having long hair. It's a separate way of life, a way of... of being. I like the very... idea... of girlhood and I like knowing that I'm going to be a... woman. Somehow, I've become a different human being than before. Not better, not worse... but... different." I spoke softly, occasionally reaching back to brush my tresses from my face. "But if you're so different, why compete as an athlete? Wouldn't it be easier to just walk away from this — and avoid all the publicity and hassle?" "No," I said firmly. "I may be physically weaker as a girl, but that doesn't have to mean weak as a person. If someone were an artist, or a mathematician, or a carpenter, or a dancer as a boy, would turning into a girl mean that she should give it all up? I feel most... alive when I'm running... it's like I'm plugged into this... amplifier, a volume control on my life that gets turned up whenever I'm on the track. Running is part of who I am — boy or girl, I couldn't bear to... lose it." My vision grew misty and I brushed tears from my eyes. I was not playing to an audience — by now, you can probably tell this came from the heart. Oxton took their turn. "What makes you think you have the right to steal someone else's dreams?" she asked, gesturing at Melody. No faux sympathy now — she was going for the jugular. "If a dream is to be realized, it has to be earned, not given. And I've as much right to my dream as she does to hers." "Yes. Earned. But how can you, ostensibly a boy, consider beating a girl in a race as earning your dream?" "Because now I'm a girl, too." "So you say. But are you really? When you first... transformed, what was your reaction?" "Confusion... fear... curiosity." "Why curiosity?" "Everyone wonders from time to time what being the opposite sex would feel like. The genders are so... so... different." "And yet you believe you've bridged that gap in just a few weeks?" "My body didn't give me much choice. It's kind of like teaching someone to swim by throwing them into the deep end of the pool. I'd rather have had time to get acclimated but..." "But..." she prompted. I knew what was going on here. She was on a fishing expedition to see if I still considered myself a guy in some way, or at least regretted my new life. "But I've learned to deal with it. The mind is part of the body. Being female just... overwhelmed me." "Come now. Are we to believe that all those years of being a boy could be swept aside simply by growing a pair of breasts?" "It's so much more than that. Every cell of my body was affected. My voice, my face... After a few days, I couldn't even see myself as a guy anymore. And once that happened, I started to change... mentally... and... emotionally." "You had a girlfriend, before. Were you still attracted to her after you changed?" I paused for a moment. I wanted to deny it — the Oxton attorney may have been grasping at straws — but I didn't want to give her the slightest opening. But Mr. Martin had been adamant on the need for honesty. He'd pointed out that competent attorneys are meticulous in their research — the worst thing that could happen was for me to appear dissembling on the stand. I had no idea how she could have found out about my attempt to romance Sue that first night home — but I wasn't taking any chances. "I repeat, were you still attracted to your girlfriend after you changed?" "Yes... for a while." She moved for the kill. "Then if you could retain a boy's sexual desire, why not other elements of your masculinity, either mental or physical?" "Objection, your honor." Mr. Martin spoke up. "Sexual orientation is not a function of gender, even for an athlete. Or is opposing counsel next going to speak all the alleged lesbians in the world of women's golf?" "My question is valid, your honor. Sexual orientation is a function of physical brain chemistry at the very least. If this person still thinks like the boy he/she was, then the... completeness of the transition cannot be assumed." "Objection overruled. Witness will answer the question." "I repeat, you still retain a boy's sexual desire, correct?" "Not anymore. Respectfully, ma'am, I already told you — the more time I spent as a girl, the more everything changed. I... I have a boyfriend now." "Ah, yes. But isn't that just for show? You don't really have such feelings for a boy, do you?" And that's where she made her fatal mistake. I started thinking about Hal. About his handsome features, his lean athletic form, his well-muscled legs. Frolicking in the pool. Our first kiss. That moment on the telephone when we openly acknowledged our sexual connection. And most of all — our friendship stretching back over the years. At that moment, in front of an audience of millions — (or at least thousands — this wasn't the Truman Show) — I knew the truth. I'd fallen in love with him. Becky and Sue explained it to me later — what they saw watching me on Court TV. "It was wonderful," Sue laughed. "As soon as you started talking about him, you got this moon-struck, calf-eyed, dreamy, goofy, girly-girl look on your face. It was hilarious and sweet and most of all... real!" Becky added, "There was no way you could have faked that. And everybody knew it." I hardly even remember the rest of my testimony. I think at that point Oxton's legal team realized it was over. Their only hope was innuendo, speculation about my still being a boy in some way — and that strategy had just been blown out of the water. The remainder of the hearing was anticlimactic. Even Mr. Martin relaxed a bit during closing arguments — citing only 5 of the 20 precedents he'd researched. He was, however, careful to refute in advance the few cases Oxton might have used. Their attorneys made a game effort, but they had little to work with — Mr. Martin had been spot on — both the facts and the law were on our side. We rose as Judge Burrell retired to chambers. In a normal proceeding, it might be months before we had a decision. But the urgency of resolving this matter before the Nationals meant a quick timetable. Though it was unlikely that another injunction could prevent me from competing there — getting a positive conclusion to this one was an excellent ace in the hole. We broke for lunch, dodging the media — after all, it was out of their hands now. Not to sound too callous, but their usefulness to us had come to an end. In the restroom, I fretted over a run in my hose — fortunately, it was above the hem of my dress. And let me tell you, (for those of you who aren't ladies) it's no joyride to pee as a girl while wearing a slip AND a dress and AND stockings AND panties. Just getting my all my underwear up/down as needed was exhausting! Giggle. I was surprised when my attorney's cell phone rang and we were recalled back to the courtroom. With my heart beating fast, I rose as the judge took the bench. Fortunately, since this was a civil matter, I didn't have to stand as he rendered his ruling. Even so, I was very nervous, trembling a bit. One thing about dresses — they aren't very warm, especially when the AC is cranked up. As I waited, I irrelevantly wondered if the chill I felt would make my nipples visible through my bra. Jesus — the things girls have to worry about! He spoke. "As a matter of law, I find the defendant's feminine nature has been satisfactorily proven by any reasonable measure. The petitioner has failed to provide sufficient evidence to override the conclusions of both the scientific and legal communities. I hereby declare the defendant to be of the female sex, completely and without reservation. Accordingly, she is eligible to participate in any activity, event, association or facility exclusive to women or girls. I lift my injunction and consider the matter closed." And with that it was over. There were a number of cheers from the gallery as I wrapped my arms around Mr. Martin — giving him a huge hug. With tears in my eyes, I did the same for Coach Bradford, Dr. Turley and my mom. God, I was so lucky to have their support! If Melody McCarthy and her coach had sour expressions before, they now looked like they'd just swallowed an entire lemon orchard. "Guess you fooled them with that WonderBra of yours," Melody hissed at me as I walked out. "Save it for the track, sister," I smiled sweetly in response. I was feeling too elated to get irritated with her. We'd have our final battle soon enough. In a conference room, my attorney and I wrapped up a few loose ends. "Will they appeal?" my mother asked. "Very unlikely," Mr. Martin replied. "To put it colloquially, they were hammered today. The chances of success are quite remote — and the Oxton school district doesn't have infinite funds. Attorneys aren't cheap, you know," He smiled. I thanked him again and kissed his cheek. He may have been the most unflappable man I ever met, but I thought I saw him blush just a little. Snicker. Mom and I said goodbye. We passed through the media throng where I gave the usual platitudes about how "I was glad justice was done" and "I just want a fair chance to compete." That was how I felt of course, but it still seemed as if I were going through a ritual with all the journalists. Kind of like in the baseball movie 'Bull Durham', where Kevin Costner teaches Tim Robbins all the appropriate clichÈs. There was an amusing exchange with one reporter, though. "Stephanie, now that the law has said you're a girl, how are you going to celebrate?" "I'm going to get some Ben & Jerry's and a new pair of stockings! Disneyworld will have to wait!" I got a few laughs with that. It was a fun drive home, Mom and I recounting the events of the day. Although it was still early afternoon, I was too drained to return to school. Back at the old farmhouse, we packed a picnic basket and headed for our 'special place'. About a half-mile from home was a little brook running down the side of a hill, through an open meadow filled with Queen Anne's Lace. There was a lovely grouping of trees and a terrific view across the small valley. It was a perfectly pastoral setting — just walking by it made one feel at peace. My mom and I used to come here regularly, before the storms of adolescence had distanced us. After chatting our way through a pleasant lunch, we fell into a relaxed silence, listening to the birds. Suddenly, Mom stood up and began getting undressed. "What are you doing?" "Just a quick dip to cool off. Why not join me?" "But we don't have our suits!" "Um... are you forgetting we're both female?" she asked as she pulled off her jeans. For a moment I actually had. Seeing one's mother nude while one is a boy is very creepy. But now? Who cares? I smiled as we stripped to our panties. I noted with some delight that Mom's breasts were quite lovely — in wonderful shape for a woman her age. If there was a genetic component to GB, her appearance boded well for my future. We swam around the brook for a while — it was cool but not too cold. We got into a splashing water fight, laughing and shrieking together. It was very nice. Afterwards, we wrapped ourselves up in the picnic blanket and just stared at the clouds. There was something very familiar about this moment — almost dÈj‡ vu. It took me a while to remember — then I put it together. Years ago, I'd been flipping through the pages of one of my Mom's magazines. I'd come across an advertisement for underwear. There had been a picture of a mother and daughter, each dressed only in very pretty panties, long hair artfully arranged to cover their chests. They were kneeling together in a forest, admiring a butterfly. There'd been something about that advertisement that fascinated me as a young boy. At first, it was the titillating image of two lovely females wearing nothing but cute underpants. But I came to realize my interest was more than that. There was a sense, a mood about that idyllic scene — as if the woman and the girl were sharing something special with each other and with their surroundings. Something that I, as a boy, could never understand. I remember feeling almost jealous of them, of whatever... magic they had and I didn't. But now... I finally Got It. Sitting here with my mother, each of us likewise only in panties, the sunlight dappling across our bare skin through the trees, the brook gently babbling beside us, the birds singing sweetly — I realized I was no longer merely an observer of that magic... I'd become a participant. At that moment I felt an incredible sense of communion, with the trees, the birds, the sky, the sun — with nature herself. I felt a part of nature's creation — all life shouting its gladness around me. And best of all, I realized that I too could create — that in my body I could bring forth a new life into the world, just as my mother had done for me. I felt my spirit soar — a celebration of the femininity of nature — and of my own unexpected but glorious new femininity along with it. I'd become a part of the affirming cycle of the cosmos. I could actually sense the presence of Gaia — if not corporeal, then at least in my heart. And I gazed at my Mom, my sweet mother, who'd given so much of herself for me, I felt a connection with her that transcended any emotion we'd had before. Our shared sex had become like a sacred bond — our mutual womanhood bound us together in the magic of the dance of life. I started to cry. I wrapped my arms around her and wept with joy. For the love I felt for her, the love she had for me. For the sheer delight of being a girl, and of sharing in the mysteries of creation. For the wonder that I too, like my mother, could bear a child. For the happiness that I was finally at peace with my transformation — that I wouldn't ever, EVER give up this feeling! We stayed in that embrace for what seemed like hours. We both were laughing, crying and smiling together. There were no words, and no need for them. It was almost as if we could sense each other's very souls. Finally, with expressions of delight, we packed up and returned home. I was in a dream-like state for the rest of the day. What had happened back at the glade had been an epiphany of sorts — a realization of the profound implications of my girlhood. And even more, how that connected me to all the women who'd come before me. I could have a baby. No, I didn't want to run off and buy a bunch of maternity clothes. It was the potential... the possibility... of becoming a mother that amazed me. Girls grow up from infancy knowing this and accepting it as a matter of fact. But for me, who'd spent his youth as a boy, the novelty of the concept was profound. And I liked it. It was at this point that I realized I didn't really want to go back to being male. If a cure for GB were found, I'd almost certainly turn it down. Much like Erin at Girl School, I still missed some parts of my previous life, but I'd come to enjoy this gift of girlishness in a way I never could have imagined before. But all good things must come to an end. The next few days at school were fun — as I expected, my status as a minor celebrity wound down quickly and a state of normalcy returned. Schwarzenegger's candidacy for governor drove my story off the CNN headlines — which was perfectly fine for me. I went to class, wrote my papers, hung around with my circle, and worked out at the track. The team was preparing for the district and sectional championships, although each ladder weeded out a few more members. Still, we were probably going to send at least a half-dozen athletes to the state meet. I wouldn't be able to compete, of course - as a result of Oxton's scheming — but the end of the season still beckoned me: the Nationals. Thanks to my court ruling, I was still eligible for that one, so I continued to train hard. It was after one of my practices that it happened. The Good, the Bad, and the Really Ugly! I'd finished changing back into my street clothes and said goodnight to Becky. I was walking down the deserted corridor when I noticed a utility room door that was open a few inches. Curious, I walked a little closer, when suddenly rough hands seized me and pushed me into the room. A firm punch to the base of my skull made me see stars. The door was slammed shut behind me and my hands were swiftly bound and tied around a pipe, forcing me into a seated position. It all happened so fast I didn't even have time to scream. Heart pounding, I raised confused eyes to see what was happening. I really shouldn't have been surprised to see Andy Marks. As usual, he was accompanied by his gruesome twosome. Today, let's call them Uday and Qusay. They stood behind him while he stared down at me with a malevolent smile. "Well, well. Little Miss Lind. I told you this day was coming. Now it's finally time for us get to know each other better." "What the hell do you think you're doing, Marks?" "That should be obvious, girl. Someone needs to put you in your place, and I'm just the guy to do it." "You've lost it, Marks. Untie me before you get into more trouble." I was trying to be brave, but my pulse was racing. I struggled not to look afraid. "Back when you were Jack, I knew you didn't have what it takes to be a real man. And now that you're Stephanie, you've proven it. I've watched you — flouncing around in those cute little outfits of yours, finally acting like the pussy you always were on the inside. You dressed like that for me... because you want this," he said, gesturing towards his crotch. "Fuck off, Marks." But my bravado was on a razor's edge. I knew what could happen in this room, and I was growing terrified. "Very appropriate way to put it, Stephanie. There will be some fucking, but I won't be alone. Let's just run down the story here. I know you dress like a girl. I know you've got a boyfriend. And I know you've had your period. There's really only one thing left for you to experience to complete your journey. And here is where it's going to happen, little bitch." He stepped forward and with one swift motion, ripped open my blouse. I was wearing my classic schoolgirl outfit, with the pleated skirt and all the rest. The sudden violation of my space shocked me into silence. My bra was exposed, my chest heaving as I struggled against my bonds. "Not bad, Stephanie. But let's see what you've been hiding all this time." And with that, he reached for the front clasp and literally tore my bra off. And for the first time, a boy (three of them!) saw my breasts. I flushed red with shame, having long ago developed the feminine modesty compelling me to conceal my torso. There were expressions of sheer lust on their faces as they drooled over my body. I'd been proud of my breasts in the girl's locker room — but now I was reeling from the embarrassment of having them on my chest. I suddenly found myself yearning for the masculinity forever lost to me. After a few moments, I began to gather my wits and was about to plead for my release, when suddenly Marks pulled a knife out and waved it near my face. "If you speak, girl, it will be the last thing you ever say." I froze in place. At that, Uday and Qusay seemed uneasy. One spoke. "Uh, listen man, I thought we were just going to scare her a little." "Shut the fuck up. If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you. This little cunt is going to get what she deserves." He turned back to me, slowly taking in my bare breasts with a dark smile on his face. "Nice, nice rack, girlie. But let's see what else you've got." I could barely swallow as his hands went to the hem of my skirt, slowly, ever so slowly, raising it up my smooth thighs. Unlike when he ripped my blouse open, he drew this motion out, demonstrating the control, the power he had. I was acutely aware of the knife — it wasn't very big — but it was all too intimidating. I didn't dare resist as he lifted my skirts still higher — inch by inch. My legs were nearly completely bare now as he torturously exposed my body. And then he raised the skirt all the way to my hips, revealing my panties. I was wearing a pastel blue nylon pair today, with cute little butterflies. His leer grew still greater as all three boys in the room drank in the sight of my female sex, well defined and barely concealed by my pretty underpants. I suddenly felt a sense of rage unlike any before. They had no right, no RIGHT to see me like this! My body was for me and whomever I chose to share it with. And no one else. My panties were for my enjoyment, not for some hypersexed asshole like Andy Marks. The combination of expressions on his hated face grew more intense. Desire, lust, and... That mysterious something I'd spotted before was back. What the hell was it — what did he really want from me? Later for that. My anger swelled as I found common ground with every woman and girl who'd ever been assaulted by a man. That combination of complete helplessness and utter violation produced an emotional volcano within me. I swear if I'd had a gun at that moment, I could have shot all three of them. Gritting my teeth, I raised my voice as he reached to yank off my panties. "Don't touch me, you motherfucker." He raised the knife. "I told you not to speak, girl." "I don't care. Cut me to ribbons if you want — but I'd rather die than have you lay another hand on me." And with that I took a deep breath in preparation for my first scream. I meant it. And he could tell. My anger was helping me to find strength I didn't know I had. A look of uncertainty crossed his features — was he really ready to hurt me? I was about to find out as I yelled for help. I didn't expect anyone to come, of course. The cavalry always arrives in time in Hollywood, but here in Milford, there was no director to cue the hero. Nevertheless, he came anyway. Hal burst into the room, and took in the scene. Me, tied to a steam pipe, my blouse and bra ripped open, my breasts bare, my skirt hiked up to my waist, my panties in full view. And Marks, standing over me with a knife in his hands. Wouldn't take anyone long to figure this one out. Hal roared and charged into Marks, knocking him down and sending the knife flying. Marks was flat on his back as Hal began to rain blows down onto him. Unfortunately, he'd moved so quickly, he hadn't seen Uday and Qusay. They may have been reluctant participants, but they were in this all the way now. They pulled Hal off of Marks, holding him back as Marks got off the ground and retrieved the knife. "Well, well. The gallant boyfriend arrives to save the day. How romantic." He slammed a fist into Hal's stomach, making him bend over in the old, old reaction. Another punch, this time to the head, left Hal dazed and semiconscious. "Leave him alone, you bastard, or I'll..." I snapped. "You'll what? What can you do to me, little bitch? You're small and weak — just like all girls. I could break you in half without even trying. You're female, Stephanie, which makes you inferior to any guy." I struggled furiously against my bonds, cursing my slender arms and delicate chest. In that sense, he was right. I could not stand up to him — even if I were untied, he could utterly dominate me physically. It was so unfair! Why did women have to be so fragile? I found myself resenting the very femininity that I'd celebrated just a few days before. "So now, at last, you understand. You're just a little girl, soft and pretty and helpless. Which is exactly what you should be, anyway. That's all that girls are for, to live for the pleasure of men." He raised the knife to Hal's face. "You said you'd rather die than have me touch you. Are you prepared to see your boyfriend take your place?" "No... don't hurt him," I begged. "Then you'll cooperate." "Ye... yes." I stammered. "Then first, tell me what you are." Confused, I just looked at him. An expression of fury came across his face. "You're a girl!" he shouted. Jesus, he really was insane. "I'm... I'm a girl." I repeated, trying to keep him calm. "You're nothing but a horny little bitch." A deep breath. "I'm a... horny little... bitch." "You can't wait for me to fuck you, to show you what it means to be a woman." They were just words. So why was I so ashamed? But I played along. "I can't wait for..." I paused. "Finish it!" he shouted again, putting the knife against Hal's cheek. "I can't wait for you to fuck me." When this was over, I was going to dig a nice deep hole and crawl into it. It was clear than Marks was tipping over the edge. Uday and Qusay were obviously scared. But Marks had the knife and whatever hold he had over them was very strong. I suppose if I'd been really sophisticated, I would have gone into some, "Oh Andy, you're so manly... you make it so hard for a girl to say no... I can't resist you, etc." It would have bought me some time, and maybe given Hal a chance to recover. I tried to work up my courage — but I could hardly stomach the idea. "Those are cute panties you're wearing, Stephanie. I'm not surprised to see you in the frilly stuff — you were born for it. But as adorable as you look in those panties, I'd bet you'd look even better without them." Once again Marks strode across the room to me, and once again prepared to yank off my pretty underpants. And once again, the door burst opened — this time revealing the massive form of Big Mark Williams (BMW), all six feet six and 260 pounds of him. For a moment, the half-dozen of us were frozen — taking in the tableau. Uday and Qusay reacted first, dropping Hal and rushing at the huge young man. Big mistake. Almost casually, he reached out with two massive arms, caught each of them in a hand and knocked their heads together. They passed out cold on the floor. Hal struggled to his feet as Andy Marks slowly edged toward BMW — brandishing the blade. Marks was clearly scared as he saw his buddies unconscious — but he wasn't backing down. BMW didn't even bother with any gestures of bravado. He just stood there, waiting for Marks to make his move. Marks attempted to lunge forward — but BMW moved with surprising speed — stepping to the side and then chopping down on his outstretched arm. The knife went spinning across the floor and BMW backhanded Marks across the face. Andy fell to his knees in a daze. Hal rushed over to me and quickly untied me. My first reaction was utterly feminine — I pulled the shreds of my blouse together and covered my breasts. My second reaction was also feminine — I started to cry as the terror of the moment faded and I had the luxury of acknowledging my emotions. Hal held me tightly as BMW came over to us. They both anxiously asked me if I was all right. "Yes — thanks to you two." I raised my tear-stained face to the boys and gathered them both into my arms. Still crying, I told them how grateful I was. "If it hadn't been for you guys, I... I..." I left it unfinished — it was obvious what would have happened. "How did you find me, anyway?" Hal spoke. "I was walking down the hall and I spotted your purse. You must have dropped it when they dragged you in here. I could hear people talking behind the door, so I stopped — then I heard you scream." Saved by my purse. I had to smile. Becoming female had made me a target for Marks — but I'd been rescued by that same femininity. "You too?" I queried BMW. "Yep. I saw both your purse and Hal's gym bag as well." "God bless you both," I said — hugging them tightly. Marks groaned, and began to rise. A murderous look appeared on Hal's face and he turned to my would-be assailant. "No." I said, grabbing his arm. "You've got to be kidding, Stephanie. Jesus, he nearly..." "I know, Hal — but I have other plans for him." "I assume you're going to report him to the police," BMW said. "Nope. I've had enough of courtrooms lately. I've got something else in mind." Hal spoke again. "Stephanie, there's no way he can be allowed to walk away from this." I stood my ground. "I agree — he will pay a price. But only on my terms. Trust me, guys — I know what I'm doing." Hal looked closely at me, then nodded slowly. "Okay then. But if he ever..." BMW cut in. "This part I'll handle." He walked over to Marks and with one hand, grabbed his shirt and lifted him six inches off of the ground. Marks had a fearful expression. Good. Then BMW began to speak. "She's given you a reprieve, asshole. But understand something — I'm not so forgiving. If you so much as speak to her again, or look at her cross- eyed, or ever, EVER lay a hand on her, I will bury you. Literally." BMW had a reputation as an easy-going guy — but there was a look of such power and determination on his face, even Stallone would have been cowed. I could see Marks begin to shake, still dangling in his grasp. BMW continued. "Pray for her good health, Marks — because if anything ever happens to her, I'll be coming for you. It won't matter if it's not your fault. It won't matter if she says to back off. Nothing will protect you from me. And when I'm done, it'll take you years just to learn how to walk again." He growled the last with fierce authority — then he threw Marks across the utility room to land atop Uday and Qusay. All three of us left the space — we walked back to Hal's car. I was still struggling to keep my shredded blouse together — fortunately, there was no one else around. I wasn't afraid of either of these guys seeing my breasts — I know this sounds silly and arrogant — but they'd earned the right to peek. I gave a final hug to BMW — then Hal drove me home. I was silent during the ride, reflecting on all that happened. Hal kept giving me looks of concern. When we arrived, he turned off the ignition and faced me. There were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Stephanie... If the big guy hadn't shown up..." I knew what was going on — I remembered from my own boyhood. There was a male imperative — a man was supposed to protect his woman, and Hal felt he'd failed me. I smiled at him. "But you did save me, Hal. If you hadn't tackled him when you did, he wouldn't have stopped in time. You bought us the chance we needed. In all my life, I was never so glad to see anyone as when you opened that door. I know I can count on you. You're... you're my knight, my prince..." Corny, yes. But that's how I saw him. We hugged again, both of us crying. Then I kissed his cheek and raced inside. Fortunately, Mom wasn't home. I knew I could get BMW and Hal to back off on my request, but if Mom learned what happened, she'd be dialing 911 in seconds. I wanted to deal with Marks my own way. Make no mistake about it — I was outraged and furious over what he'd tried to do. Aside from the horror of the experience (and I knew I'd be having nightmares) — there was something else I hated about it all. He'd made me resent my own femininity. He'd done to me what had been done to so many other women — forced me to regret my girlhood, made me wish I were a man so I couldn't be vulnerable to him. So I wouldn't be so damn small and weak. There's a neat little movie called 'The Smokers' — about a group of teenage girls at a boarding school, coping with romance and boys for the first time. There's one scene where a girl is complaining to a guy what she detests about being female. She says to him, "You don't know what it's like walking around with a gaping hole between your legs, waiting to be filled by the likes of you. Once you're inside you have all the power." It IS about power, and it shouldn't have to be that way. We girls should be able to celebrate and enjoy every facet of our bodies. We shouldn't have to feel helpless and vulnerable because we have vaginas, or because we lack the strength to defend them. Yet that's how Marks had made me feel. And I knew it would forever haunt me until I regained the upper hand — until I had the power over him. Having some guy beat him up, or having him arrested wouldn't be good enough. I couldn't subcontract this to a cop or a boyfriend — I had to do the job myself. I'd worked too hard at accepting my femininity to allow Marks such a victory. Fortunately, I knew just what to do. The next day, I got up and went through my usual morning routine, put on a pretty dress and made sure to place the item I needed in my purse. Then it was off to school, where Becky, Arleen and Sue all expressed support for me and dismay over what had happened. Rumors were already circulating around the campus — I aimed to set the story straight soon enough. "Stephanie, you've got to report him to the principal or to the police," Arleen insisted. Becky and Sue seconded her opinion. I was pleased to see that Arleen had become a full-fledged member of our circle. "Principal Grogan?" I smiled with irony. "I don't think he's my best alternative. Besides, I've got a better answer. Wait for me in the senior lounge during second period." Guardedly, they said they'd wait. Second period came and I headed off to the lounge. The senior class had a separate 'club' with a stereo, soda machine and such. One of the nice perks of being on top of the student pyramid. Most study halls found us in the lounge, reading, playing cards, etc. That was my destination today. I checked my purse to make sure my little item was ready. Then I took a deep breath, entered the lounge and walked right up to Andy Marks. He looked at me warily. "What do you want?" "The better question, Marks, is what do YOU want? I know the answer." I reached into my purse and pulled out my special item. A pair of my panties. His eyes widened as I held them up for him to see. "Do you remember these, Marks? I was wearing them last night — when you tried to rape me." I spoke in a firm voice. Every one of the thirty or so kids in the lounge had fallen silent as they turned to the two of us. You could have heard the proverbial pin drop. Marks had a confused and uncertain expression on his face. And that something else was there too. I'd finally reasoned it out. Envy. Marks was jealous of me — and that was how I intended to defeat him. "It took me a while to understand why you were so hateful to me, Marks. Always insulting and mocking me after I changed. At first I just dismissed it as your usual assholic self — after all, you've caused a lot of misery around this place. But then I figured it out." He continued to stare at me — mesmerized. So were all the other kids. "You see, Marks, you're afraid of me. Afraid of what I represent. You're scared GB could happen to you too. You're afraid you might wake up with breasts on your chest — or have to spend the rest of your life wearing panties like these." I paused for effect, then continued. "But your fear isn't because you're scared of becoming a girl. What you're really afraid of is this: that you WANT to become a girl. That deep down inside that sewer you call a personality, there's a part of you that's jealous of me that I got to do what you didn't. That I turned into a female." He was still frozen in place — shocked. "And because you don't have the guts to admit it to yourself — that you want to be female, too — you took it out on me. Hence, you staged Rape-apalloza '03 last night." There were stunned gasps all around me. "But you didn't have to go through all that, Marks," I said, shifting to a light, mocking tone. "Nobody's really sure how GB spreads. Maybe if you wear my panties, you'll get your wish. Maybe they'll turn you into the girl I know you're just dying to be. You didn't have to try to rape me — all you had to do was ask and I would have given them to you. I know you want them — so here you go." And with that, I tossed my pretty undies into his lap. He recoiled as if they were a pair of rattlesnakes. There's a moment in every track meet I've ever run that I call the 'turning'. It's when I'm racing next to an athlete and we're pushing each other to the limit. When I'm at my best, an instant will happen where both of us know I'm going to win. My will is stronger than my competitor. Often, this can happen as early as the second lap of a race. Once 'the turning' occurs, the outcome is inevitable — even if the fans don't know it until after we've crossed the finish line. Of course, I've been 'turned' too, when up against a better athlete. But not today. At that moment — I'd 'turned' Marks — and we both knew it. I'd shown I was stronger than he — that I had the power. Elated, I felt the confidence, the belief in my femininity restored as I saw the look of anguish and shame cross his features. I steadily, relentlessly met his eyes — daring him to deny what I'd said. He could not. With a strangled sob, utterly disgraced in front of our peers, he ran from the lounge. To my amazement, I ran after him. I sensed it was not quite over. I found him in the hallway, leaning against a locker, tears running down his face. I can't say I felt compassion for him — not after all he had done. But I'd reached a point where I didn't want to add to his pain. At the least, I'd forced him to confront his demon — that couldn't help but make a difference. I walked up to him and stood there firmly, my arms folded under my breasts. "How... how did you know?" he stammered. "It was obvious in hindsight, I guess." "Once I heard you were going to be a girl — I... I found myself dreaming about what it would be like. I kept fantasizing about GB happening to me. I... I would obsess over it. And then you came to school as a female — and... and you were so pretty and so feminine and seemed so happy! I just got more and more jealous. And I couldn't figure out why! I'd never wanted to be a girl before — but when it happened to you, it was all I could think about. And boys aren't ever supposed to want to be girls — so I got more scared that others would find out how I really felt — and I got angrier and angrier. I guess I... blamed you for making me feel this way." "Chances are, Marks, you felt that way your whole life — you just never accepted it." "I'm so sorry, Stephanie. I... I just lost control." "It's too late for apologies, Marks. But if you really want to make it better — then listen to me now. I've done my research. I know the transgendered are a peaceful, nonviolent lot. There's a darkness in you that has nothing to do with your sex. You've been hurting people for a long, long time. Even if you woke up tomorrow with a perfect girl's body — you'd still be a danger to yourself and those around you. You've got some serious issues you need to fix... fast. Get some help, Marks. If you want to make up for what you've done... get some goddamn help." Then I turned and walked away. I still couldn't stomach his presence — the image of being bound and stripped half-naked before him remained. But now I could balance it with the strength I'd been able to prove to both of us. And who knows — maybe he would get the therapy he so desperately needed. I wasn't betting the farm on it — but there was a chance. I gained high praise from everyone over my demolition of Andy Marks. It only took a couple of hours for the story to spread across the entire school — after which, no one was taking him seriously. Even the various nerds and geeks he'd tormented were eager to challenge his twisted authority. But it turned out not to be necessary. Marks and his partners-in-slime essentially disappeared from that day forward. They showed up for classes, but otherwise they avoided contact with all the other kids. And it was for sure the other kids wanted nothing to do with them. In life, you reap what you sow. We'd all be graduating soon and they'd have a fresh start somewhere else. Perhaps they'd learn their lesson and try to act like human beings. Perhaps. But in the meantime, things settled back to normal. I continued my intense workouts under Coach Bradford's guidance and accompanied the team to the various post- season title meets. Becky made it to the sectional race — the farthest she'd ever gotten. I cheered loudly for her and later, at the State championships, we all cheered as Hal finished third in the two-mile. And, for the first time in years, Milford had an athlete go all the way to the top — Big Mark Williams finished second in the shot-put and won the state title in the discus. We were all giddy with delight for him. Of course, every silver lining has its cloud. Melody McCarthy won the championship in the girl's mile — with a 4:50 that nearly matched my 4:49 from earlier in the season. I watched with more than a little resentment as she received her medal. From the stands, I locked eyes with her — a brief battle of wills. Grrrrr. I couldn't wait for our showdown at the National meet next week. During this time, I was moving deeper and deeper into my girlhood. I learned a whole new vocabulary: healing posts, scrunchies, applicators, clarifiers and so much more. The complexity of being a girl was still intimidating. But it was also fun. I grew ever closer to Becky, Sue and Arleen as the final days of our school life passed by. And then there was Hal. Each time we said goodnight, our embrace lasted longer and our kisses grew more passionate. Until one evening, after a dinner/movie date, I found myself necking with him along one of those quiet rural roads I used to take Sue on. We'd been parked in his car for about half an hour when he suggested we get into the back seat. Now I'd still been 'attending' to myself at night to keep my hormones under control — but by this point I had no interest in pretending to resist. God, I was so hot for him! He was very gentle and never put any pressure on me for sex — which made him all the sexier to me. So I eagerly moved to the back of the car, where we resumed that delightful French kissing — the music on the stereo carrying us along. I was in a daze, bedazzled by the wonder, the magic of his body against mine. So I shouldn't have been surprised when after a while I found myself sitting on his lap — wearing only my panties. He was down to his boxers and was staring with apparent joy at my chest. How had this happened? How had I let this boy undress me so easily? I couldn't even remember when my skirt and bra had come off! All those questions were driven from my mind when he took one swollen nipple into his mouth. Oh! I felt as though my whole body had been reduced to a single point of flesh, where his tongue was ever so gently rolling over the tip. Mmmmm. Soooo nice. He cupped my other breast in his palm — the nipple hardened instantly. He carefully squeezed, sending sparks of pleasure across my entire chest. And down below, too. Those cute little panties of mine were growing wetter by the second. It was almost like I was drooling — only between my legs. Our breathing grew ragged as I writhed on his lap — his erection pressing against... against... the one part of my body that wanted him the most. I needed him, oh! how I needed him... inside me — my vagina had gained an appetite of 'her' own, a hunger not unlike an empty stomach — that had to be filled. He raised his face from my breasts and began to kiss me again. His hands ran through my hair and I felt an indescribable urge wash across me — to surrender to him. Without my willing it, my body lay back on the seat and I pulled him on top of me. Ohhh, yesss! Just feeling him there — his strength, his power dominating me — but at my command, at my will. What a wonderful combination of control and submission! I pulled his boxers off and saw his penis, sooo, so big and ready. Ready for me! Only a thin layer of wispy nylon protected my vagina from the next, obvious step. I was just about to invite him to take off my panties, when something strange happened deep inside my psyche. A faint echo of Jack, of the boy I'd once been managed to make himself heard. And as far as he was concerned, he would make love as a girl only over his dead body. I could tell he... I... we... were terrified at a primal level... terrified of taking the ultimate feminine step. A step designed by nature for one purpose. Now love may be as grand as the poets say — but sex is the way the species propagate. All the passion and desire Hal and I felt for each other was very real on an emotional level. But on the physical level, there was a subtext. My body wanted me to get pregnant! The intense pleasure I was so deliriously enjoying was but a tool — my body's determination to manipulate me into spreading my legs and letting a boy come inside me — so I could be put 'in the family way'. Millions of years of evolution had led to me — a girl so in thrall to her own passion that she couldn't resist her fate — a girl who would accept anything — even pregnancy, as long as she could satisfy her intense craving. Intellectually, I knew that was hardly the whole picture these days. Birth control could protect women from the biological consequences of sex. And I knew from GRS that despite my periods, I couldn't get pregnant for at least a year after GB. But the whole concept was still so alien to me, to the faint echo of masculinity that dwelled within — and I realized I wasn't quite ready. Hal, bless him, sensed it and immediately backed off. "I'm sorry, Stephanie..." "Don't you dare apologize, Hal — we're in this together..." "I understand you're reluc..." I looked over at this wonderful boy — who'd been so patient and thoughtful with me. And I looked at the erection still full and throbbing in his lap. I shivered as I contemplated it. My body was still screaming for me to embrace him — just the sight of his penis made my vagina gush with desire. To think I used to be like that! It seemed so... alien... to me now. Yet I remembered all my make-out sessions with Sue and how I'd struggled to control my own male sexuality. I had to do this for him — he deserved some relief. And I was just the girl to give it to him. So this time, I had him lie down while I lowered my face to his hips. His eyes widened as he realized he was about to receive his first blowjob. It was my first as well — but in my wildest dreams, I never imagined I'd be the one giving it! That faint echo of the boy inside me tried to protest again, but I was having none of it. "You're a girl," I mentally told him. "Get over it — you're going to be having sex with guys for the rest of your life — you may as well learn what it's like." And with that, I took Hal's manhood in my mouth. He instantly gasped and I found myself curious about what it felt like for him. Sue and I had never gotten this far. Still, I knew I had an edge over the average girl when it came to pleasuring a boy — and I put all that knowledge to good use. He actually tasted quite good — which I hadn't expected — salty and spicy and fresh and oh! I loved to hear the little gasps he made as I worked my tongue up and down his shaft. He seemed so big! That in turn excited me — my panties were beyond wet at this point — they were drenched. A very female odor began to fill the car — which only turned us both on still more. I took him to the brink, then backed off — drawing out the experience for him. Finally, after 15 minutes of expert manipulation on my part — I let it happen for him. Lord, he was productive! I kept right on him as he came — making sure he got the most out of it. I loved the long, powerful groan of ecstasy he made — knowing I'd caused it was so... satisfying... to me in a very girly way. I didn't really care for the swallowing part, though — but he was in such heaven that I just couldn't stop. Gasping, he and I embraced. He was smart enough not to thank me — that would have implied I'd 'serviced' him. I now had a sense of how the act could be degrading for a girl. Fortunately, I knew Hal's feelings for me were real — so I didn't feel the least bit 'used'. Instead, he just kept caressing me while we enjoyed our intimacy. After a time, we pulled our clothes back on and headed home. With a final hug goodnight, I headed inside. Mom looked pointedly at me as I entered the living room. It was no use denying what Hal and I had been up to. My disheveled clothes and flushed expression were evidence enough. "Well?" she asked. "Um... well what?" I replied. "Don't play dumb with me, young lady. I know you'll find this hard to believe, but back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and Reagan was young, I was a teenager. And I had my share of back-seat encounters with boys, too. So..." She paused expectantly. I had to smile. She was playing the protective Mom to the hilt — but there was an undercurrent of humor about it all. Here she was, worrying about her son getting pregnant! Of course, she was aware that I had a temporary immunity for such things — but still... "Mom — we're doing fine. Hal is a perfect gentleman and never pressures me. He treats me like a princess and... and... I'm having the most wonderful time with him." "How wonderful?" "Not too wonderful, if that's what you're worried about." A look of relief crossed her face. "I know GRS covered some of these basics for you — but you do know that the first time can be... challenging... for a girl." "I know, Mom," I said exasperatedly. Mom and I were closer than ever, but no teenager wants a parent prying into her sex life. "Yes, Hal is a sweetie, and I do trust him to do right by you. I just want to be sure you know what you're getting into." "Actually, Hal's the one who'll be getting into things," I smiled wickedly. "I'll be the one who's gotten into." I couldn't help but laugh as she winced. Mom shook her head ruefully, then looked at me in wonder. "You really are all girl, aren't you?" I shivered in recollection of my evening. "Yes... oh my, yes," I responded. Rather hard to deny, considering I'd just performed oral sex on my boyfriend. But the cool part was — I felt no desire to deny it in the first place. We hugged and I went upstairs for a badly needed shower. Hal may have had his tension relieved tonight — but I was still on fire. My nipples were thrusting almost painfully against my bra and I could've wrung drops of... girl juice... from my panties. But Mr. Nozzle awaited me — just the memory of Hal brought me to my most intense female orgasms yet. God, I like having a vagina! Fortunately, the shower radio was able to mask most of my sounds effects — hopefully, Mom would dismiss the moaning as just the latest Christina Aguilera hit. Which reminded me — it was past time for me to take down my Carmen Electra poster. The Dream is Alive But my passion with Hal would have to wait. For the moment I'd been eagerly waiting was finally upon me. The Nationals. This would be the last race of my high school career — and it would also determine what would happen for me in college. There would be plenty of scouts from all the top universities deciding which athletes would get what scholarship offers. And there was my long-delayed rematch with Melody McCarthy as well. I remembered with bitterness how the Oxton injunction had blocked me from most of the track season. And I also remembered the insulting attitude Melody and her coach had adopted. Yes, my vindication in court had been delightful — but I knew the only place we'd really settle this would be on the track. Just the way I wanted it. But Coach Bradford had some cautionary advice for me as we drove through the placid countryside towards Cornell University. Much like the Olympics, the National High School Track and Field Championships were rotated from place to place. This year, the meet was right in our backyard. Cornell's Schollenkopf Field was the best outdoor track in New York, (even better than the Cortland track where I'd run my last race as a boy) — and was only a couple of hours away. Anyway, my coach gave me a warning. "Stephanie, you must remember that there's more to this race than Melody McCarthy. Every girl in this field has broken the 5-minute barrier. Four, including Melody and yourself, have gotten under 4:50. And two of these girls have run faster miles than you." Coach was wise to point this out, though I knew all this already. Laura Swain of Virginia had done a 4:48 and Beth Hamilton of California had turned in a very impressive 4:46. Both were state champions and both were sure to be fierce competitors. "Bottom line, Stephanie — you have to run your race. Don't get caught up in the early rush and keep in mind you're competing against 10 girls, not 1." I felt the butterflies in my stomach again as we approached the beautiful campus. There was that electricity in the air I loved so much. And the crowd! The stadium was full — nearly 10,000 people were on hand. Many would be family, friends, and coaches of the 350 athletes competing today. Vendors selling programs and snacks were out in full force and there was a constant buzz of excitement. This was far and away the largest and most prestigious meet I'd ever attended — I saw uniforms from high schools all across America. There was even TV coverage — ESPN would tape the races for replay on one of their secondary channels. I was nervous and a little intimidated. And yet, I was also thrilled. This was where I belonged — what I was born to do. I warmed up carefully, going through the stretches that were part of my pre-race routine. It helped to calm the jitters. I kept working on my focus while the other events were taking place — the sound of cheering as some athletes realized their dreams. And the groans as some athletes did not. Before I knew it, it was final call for the girls' mile. We cleared security and made our way down to the high-tech synthetic surface of the track. Coach Bradford turned to me then. "Stephanie, I want you to know how proud I am of you. No matter what happens today, you're one of the bravest, strongest kids I've ever known. You go out there, do your best and you'll be a winner." As sudden tears came to my eyes I realized this would be my final race for my Coach. God, we'd come a long way together! In a way, he'd been the father I'd never known. I gave him a huge hug — then he gave me a playful pat on my butt — clad in those cute panty-shorts I'd grown to like so much. I giggled and headed onto the track. By virtue of my 4:49 earlier this season, I was placed in third position from the inside rail, right next to Melody McCarthy. She attempted a staredown — I didn't bother. I just looked at her — gave a big grin to show she couldn't intimidate me, and took my place at the starting line. The two fastest girls, Laura and Beth, were on my opposite side, the other six were stretched out along the rest of the tape. We were introduced to the crowd, and I spotted my mother, Hal and the rest of my friends in the stand. I didn't wave — I was already sinking into the trance, the focus that I embraced at the start of every race. Then, without further ado, the gun went off. The mad scramble began. I knew with a field this good the pack would be close together for some time. With every girl here a sub-five miler, it would take a while to sort the wheat from the chaff. I laid off the lead group, avoiding contact as much as possible. There was a lot of jostling and bumping of elbows as the rhythm of the race was set. The pace was very, very fast — many of the girls were caught up in the excitement and had pushed out hard. Maybe too hard. That was fine with me — I wasn't the least bit worried as I finished the first lap in 6th place. It was the time that mattered — "70 seconds," Coach Bradford called out. Perfect. Even better than I'd hoped. When I was a boy, my target time for the mile was 60 seconds per lap — with four laps that would put me on a 4-minute mile pace. Those days were gone of course — my new goal as a female was 70 seconds — which would translate to a 4:40 mile. As we began the second lap, I could sense some of the girls in front of me were tiring — the pace was too swift to sustain. I waited until the backstretch to move past two of them — never pass on the curve — why run farther than you have to? That put three girls in front of me — Melody — who was leading, Laura from Virginia (rather nice butt on her!) and Beth from California. We were the four who had broken the 4:50 mark this season, which made us the likely contenders for the title. As we finished the second lap, I was pleased with the time: 2:21. The pace had barely slowed and that was playing right into my hands. Coach Bradford and I had meticulously rehearsed this. The one thing we didn't want was a slow, tactical race. Often, especially in the Olympics, the top athletes hold back — racing for the title, not the time. That meant a leisurely jog for three laps, followed by a frantic sprint to the finish. The problem with such a strategy is that it leaves far too much to chance — the lesser runners are right there with the big guns, which means anything can happen at the end. In the men's 1500-meter race at the 1992 Olympics, the entire field was still bunched together for the last lap. During the chaotic dash that followed, the defending world champions and record holders lost to an unknown from Spain, who quickly became a national hero — since the Games were taking place in Barcelona. So my goal was simple — don't just race the other girls, race the clock. Race Mary Decker and her 4:42 national record. Burn everyone out — if they want to keep up, make them pay. In pain. As we started the third lap, Melody began to slow. Beth and Laura eased off as well. The rest of the field was far behind after two laps at this speed, so it was down to the four of us. Time to get busy. As we entered the backstretch of the third lap, I put on an enormous surge and pushed past all three girls. I kept my stride steady as I took the lead — focusing on maintaining the pace necessary for the 4:40 mile that was my target. I heard a roar from the crowd as they realized this would be no stroll through the park. Many of the fans were very knowledgeable and they could sense what I had in mind. Melody, Laura and Beth now had a choice to make. Hang with me, and endure the pressure — or relax and hope I'd crash later. All three came after me. This was going to be a slugfest. I entered the homestretch of the third lap and began to feel the pain. I was breathing okay, but my legs were quivering. We flashed past the wire and got the three-lap time: 3:30. Wow — even faster than I'd expected. As we entered the backstretch of the fourth and final lap — the pain grew. My breathing became labored and my legs were now shaking. But I didn't relent — I concentrated with every neuron I could fire on keeping my form and maintaining the speed. My only consolation was that the other girls were hurting just as bad. Behind me, I heard a feminine voice curse as Melody broke — the pace had snapped her and she fell back. One down, two to go. We entered the final turn. I was gritting my teeth and having to force my legs to reach full stride. Then Laura gasped, coughed and dropped behind. Two down, one to go. Beth was right with me as we headed down the homestretch. As the California state champion, I knew she had to be one tough chick. But I'm a tough chick, too. It hurts, though — God, it hurts! As I raced towards the final hundred meters, I remembered all those years of training: the running in snow, blazing heat, pouring rain. Everything I'd endured, both as a boy and as a girl, to reach my dream. So I swallowed down my stomach, which was trying to leap up my throat. I made my hands into fists, growled deeply (still soprano), bared my teeth and drank in the roar of the crowd — using that energy to master my pain and gut it out to the end. Just a little bit farther... just a little bit farther and it won't hurt anymore... I zeroed in on the finish line, knowing only there would the torture end. All I had to do was get to it... as fast as I could. And then Beth snapped — I could feel her fading behind. Not much — just a few strides, but that was all I needed. Somehow, I found the strength for a final surge and broke the tape. In first place. I did it! I'm the fastest girl miler in the country! Gasping, I nearly plunged to my knees before Coach Bradford scooped me up into a huge hug. I felt like a little doll in his massive arms — I was too weary even to hug him back. But I did have enough in me to smile. He set me down and pointed to the scoreboard, where the electronic clock had marked my time: 4:39. My god — I've broken Mary Decker's record. I'm the fastest high school miler in history! For a girl, that is... but I didn't care about the damn qualifier. Elated and overwhelmed, I started to cry as I embraced my coach and basked in the cheers from the crowd. Beth Hamilton came up with a big smile — she threw her arm around my shoulder. "I knew you were the girl to beat - congratulations," she said. "What a race!" She'd finished in 4:43 — a new California State record. Laura Swain was there too — her 4:46 was a record for Virginia as well. Track fans would be talking about this one for years. Melody had finished out of the medals — in fourth place. She had collapsed on the ground. I was very careful not to snicker as I approached her — but my effort at sportsmanship was wasted. She looked up at me. "I don't care what anyone says. You don't deserve this — especially with those fake boobs." For my response, I replayed 'Seinfeld'. I leaned over Melody, allowing her to peek down my bra. Which she did — at length, her eyes widening as she saw I was the genuine article. Then I spoke. "They're real... and they're spectacular." Then I flounced away. I know, I know — it was petty of me, but Lord, that felt good! I continued to be mobbed by officials, fans and the press as I made my way up to the stands where Mom and my friends awaited me. I put in more hugs than Leo Buscaglia and struggled not to cry as everyone congratulated me. A feeling of completeness, of satisfaction filled me. It had been so hard — but it had all been worth it! Everyone was still talking excitedly while the boys' mile was run. I watched a little wistfully as Kevin Tilden (remember him from my last race as a guy?) won the National title with a time of 4:02. For all the hoopla over my victory, he'd finished 37 seconds faster than me. Though a tiny part of me was pleased to see my status as the only sub-4 high school boy in 30 years remained intact. But I was happy for his victory and went up to congratulate him afterwards. It was the first time we'd met since I'd changed. My former archrival looked me up and down. Then he smiled, shook his head and whistled. "You know, when I first heard you were going to be a girl, I was a little sad — because I knew I'd run better if you were around. But I have to say, Stephanie, that between the way you race and the way you... look — maybe this was for the best." I smiled and gave the guy a hug. Then both of us went off to be interviewed by the press and to meet all the scouts. Since we had just become the fastest boy and girl milers in the United Sates, we attracted a lot of attention. I gave my phone number to a half-dozen college coaches, all of whom were dangling scholarship offers and other inducements in front of me. The next hour was dizzying, dazzling and delightful. Finally, things calmed down. Coach Bradford walked my mom and me to our car. Mom looked up at him — they'd met briefly at my hearing, but this was their first chance to talk. "Thank you, Coach, for everything you've done for my... daughter — I never really appreciated just how hard and how special all this is. You've really made a difference in her life — and you've opened my eyes as well." "She's a coach's dream, Mrs. Lind — and I'm proud to have worked with her." We said our goodbyes and Mom drove me home. We said little, the emotion of the day had been exhausting — but I could tell she was very happy for me. At long last, Mom and I were in synch on just why running was so important to me. The following Monday began the final week before graduation. I wore my cheerleading uniform for the last time — I felt a lot more comfortable with the tights on, now that my hazing was over. If the silly little skirt flew up, at least I didn't have to worry about my panties showing. And all day long, just like when I'd cracked the 4:00 minute barrier as Jack — I got many congratulations and pats on the back. Winning a national title and breaking a special record had put me back where I'd been as a boy. Well, almost where I'd been... I reflected wryly, primping in front of the mirror in the girls' bathroom with the rest of the cheerleaders. Some things would never be the same, I realized, as I listened the other girls talk and giggle. And you know what? That's cool with me. Coach Bradford was inundated with calls from universities all over the country — not to mention the press. We did a few phone interviews and sorted through all the deals. I had plenty of time to choose, and with his guidance, I knew I'd end up at the right place. But the glow from the championships faded quickly — life goes on and the next major event was rapidly approaching. The Prom. Of course, I was going with Hal. He'd asked me last week — strangely shy — and I found myself flattered that he chose me. It made no sense for me to feel that way — we were already so intimate that our going together should have been matter-of-fact. It wasn't until I was clued in by Arleen, Becky, and Sue - that I understood what was really on the table. In a small town like Milford, the race to adulthood is a bit slower than in more cosmopolitan settings — the connection between boys and girls likewise takes a bit longer. Bottom line was this — if a Milford girl was really serious about a boy, then prom night was usually when she lost her virginity. Oh my. It was already a foregone conclusion that Hal and I were going to make love. But to have a whole evening dedicated to that moment was another thing entirely! The prom represented one of the classic rituals of youth — the clothes, the dancing and... everything else. I'd dreamed of going to the prom with Sue — in my fantasies I would woo her with such skill that she'd melt into my arms. I'd carry her off to a feather bed, where she'd remove her beautiful gown and I'd see her in all her feminine glory. Then we'd be together the way I'd always dreamed... But in all my fantasies, I never imagined I'd be the one to be 'wooed'! I'd be the one in the fancy gown, the one who'd 'melt' into the arms of her lover. Yet that was now my destiny. And the other girls knew it. All week long, I got all kinds of feedback on the dress, the flowers, the make-up, the hair and everything else that would go into the preparations. And there was also a lot of good-natured teasing about what would happen after the prom. Becky, Sue and Arleen kept giving me sly looks and naughty comments — and some rather earthy advice. When it comes to discussions of sex, girls can be a lot more explicit than guys. And so I found myself on Saturday getting ready for the last social event of my high-school life. This being the prom, I'd allotted 6 hours for the task. Mom and I got to experience yet another classic mother-daughter moment as she helped me along. Bubble bath, nail polish, skin conditioners. Up went my hair — then down — then up again as I alternated from smiles to tears and back. I was very emotional as I prepared — the girlishness of the moment was almost overwhelming. Finally, it came time to get dressed. With trembling hands, I put on the white lace garter belt with matching bra and stockings Sue had bought for me. I noted with fascination how the outfit served as a gilded frame surrounding my... girlhood. I'd learned enough by now to put the silk white panties over my garters, to allow easier access to my... Then I looked at my reflection, clad only in the ornate underwear. Mom said it for me. "My God, Stephanie — you're so beautiful." She was beaming with pride as we both drank in the extraordinarily feminine image that was now mine. My crinoline, with an underslip was next — followed by the gown — a white mini-dress, lavished in lace. It ended about two inches above my knee — with the crinoline pushing it out from my legs — creating a delightful swirl as I moved. The whole outfit had a wonderful mixture of sophisticated woman and innocent schoolgirl — all wrapped up in one. The picture was further enhanced by my upswept hair — with a couple of bangs brought forward to showcase my face — skillfully made up by my Mom. She embraced me as my eyes filled with tears over the wonder, the joy of the lovely girl I'd become. What a journey this had been! A couple of months ago, I'd been a normal boy. Now, I was a girl about to take the ultimate feminine step. I thought about all the other girls across America — getting ready on their prom nights. They... we... were girding up our courage for what was to come. That moment when our beautiful dresses would be raised over our hips, our pretty panties pulled down, our thighs parted, and that indescribable, terrifying, exhilarating moment when we would be transformed from girls into... women. I shivered at the thought. Yet I could hardly wait. Besides, turning into a woman really shouldn't be that big a deal for me. After all, being changed from a boy into a girl was far more dramatic — and I'd survived that, hadn't I? Hal arrived. Let me tell you, the expression of 'jaw dropping to the floor' isn't always an exaggeration. I loved the impact I had on him — and I couldn't deny the one he had on me. Standing there, so tall and elegant in his tux, with his dark hair carefully cut and combed and a whiff of aftershave — I felt a crashing wave of feminine desire sweep over me. God, he was hot! We exchanged the wrist corsage and boutonniere, then with a final hug for my Mom — we were off. Hal had a special surprise for me though. A friend of his worked in a bookstore and had gotten an advance copy of this week's 'Sports Illustrated'. And halfway through the mag was my story — a full page with color photos documenting my race for the title and the new record I'd set. Comments from my Coach and myself were included, along with predictions of future glory from the reporter. A delighted smile spread across my face as I realized my dream had come true. And then, as I looked into Hal's eyes, I realized another dream was coming true as well. We arrived at the gym decorated with crepe paper (remember, this is a hick town) and hooked up with the rest of the gang. Becky had arrived with Big Mark Williams (BMW) and they were very cool together. Sue and Arleen had decided to go stag, so they hung out at our table. Everyone looked just smashing as we danced and laughed the hours away. The gossamer silk stockings and the frothy crinoline made me feel more girly, more sexy and more feminine with each moment. Hormones were bubbling all over the place as the dozens of couples moved closer to each other. I noted Becky and BMW were definitely connecting — and I suspected I was not the only girl who was going to learn what it meant to be a woman tonight. I also noticed Sue and Arleen looking at me a little wistfully — though for obviously different reasons. In the bathroom, Sue and I chatted. "I'm so happy for you, Stephanie — you and Hal are perfect for each other." "Thanks — though I must say I do miss you still. I mean, I'm so glad to have you as my friend — and you've done so much for me. But... you're also one amazingly wonderful and... sexy lady — and there's enough of... Jack left in me to wish we could... still be together." She looked at me with sad but shining eyes. "I love you, Stephanie," she said simply. "I love you, too, Sue — thank you for everything." We embraced, both of us in tears. It was bittersweet — not just the lost romance with Sue, but everything else as well. Tonight was the last time we'd all be in one place. Graduation was just a few days away and after that we'd scatter to the winds. Our childhood was ending and there was a sense of loss. Yet it felt right, too. There's a time and a place for everything in life and we all felt the call of the future — we knew that saying goodbye was part of growing up. Though not just yet. The final slow songs of the evening were played. I made sure to dance with BMW — feeling lost in his massive arms. But the big guy moved with surprising grace, and I knew he'd be just right for Becky. I thanked him again for his heroics on my behalf and wished him the best with his new lady. Then came my dance with Hal. We said nothing, just snuggling against one another. We were beyond words at this point, our passion waiting for but one release. One final song to go — and I noticed Arleen looking at me again with that expression of wistfulness. I walked up to her and extended my arm. "Arleen, would you dance with me?" Her look became one of astonishment as she realized what I was offering — a moment where she could be herself, truly herself, in front of everyone. Meeting my eyes steadily, she smiled and took my hand. Boldly, I led her to the center of the gym, where all the other couples were swaying together. I looked at her carefully. "Are you sure?" I asked. She nodded happily. So I took her in my arms and danced with her. Cheek to cheek, breasts to breasts, enjoying the novel sensation of our silk stockings brushing together as we moved across the floor. We drew some startled glances — while girls routinely dance fast songs together, they never do for slow ones — at least not in Milford. But I wanted Arleen to have this — this chance where she did not have to hide who she was. And I could tell by the way she pressed against me that she was more than ready to be 'outed'. The song finally ended and she looked at me with dazzled eyes. Still touching, I raised my hands and cupped her face. Then I let that faint echo of Jack within me have one last male moment — I kissed her. A long, slow, sweet, romantic kiss — our tongues playing gently together. There were gasps all around us — but I didn't care. And neither did she. I ended our embrace — but not before I thanked her for her friendship. Arleen would forever have the memory all girls should have — dancing at her prom and being kissed by someone she cared about. The expression of rapture on her face made it all worthwhile. I smiled, said goodnight and grabbed a startled Hal's hand. I told him it was just 'girl business' as I laughingly dragged him out to his car for the evening's final chapter. For which he had planned well. There weren't any hotels to be found in these parts, and we both wanted something more than a lover's lane encounter in a car. But Hal had just the thing in mind. Way back in the woods, at the end of a logging trail, was an old hunter's cabin known only to us runners. We'd found it years ago — during our time on the cross-country team. Hal drove us up and doused the headlights — then he led me inside. He knelt over the fireplace and my eyes widened as the room lit up. The windows had washed and the floor swept. A full bed with a soft comforter had been prepared. There were flowers in vases everywhere and a sheepskin rug in front of the fire. It was perfect. For the final touch, Hal lit a candle and set it next to the bed. Then he looked at me and said, "You're too beautiful to love in the dark." I felt my knees go weak. My turn. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, I undressed. My gown, then my crinoline, then my bra. His gaze grew more intense with each item I removed. At the end, taking a deep breath, I slipped out of my silk panties. I stood before him in only my garter belt, stockings and heels, my body fully visible to him at last. His eyes widened and he gave a small gasp as he saw just how female I really was. Then, with equal slowness, he undressed — finally removing his boxers and allowing me to admire his body in return. I loved his flat smooth chest and the corded muscles of his legs. His manhood seemed even larger than our last encounter — yet while I was apprehensive, I was not the least bit intimidated. The thought that just the sight of my body could inspire such a reaction in him was very pleasing to me. And then we were in each other's arms — kissing hungrily. I felt his hardness pressing against me as his hands gently squeezed my breasts. Oh! The sensation of skin against skin was so, so sweet. I gasped as his tongue found my breasts, while I reached down and stroked his penis. Wild how it was so soft and so firm at the same time! I was careful, though — as a former boy I knew how easy it was to lose control. Both of us were making little cries of pleasure as we caressed and kissed each other everywhere. I felt as if we'd been transported to another universe — one where the only objects that existed were our bodies. We fell onto the bed, he on top in the classic male position of dominance — me on the bottom as the submissive female. My thighs parted without my telling them to — they just moved apart for him. Oh yes! More... please more... His kisses moved away from my rock-hard nipples and slowly down my belly to the little tuft of hair between my legs. Oh! Was he going to? Would he? Oohhhh yesss! I cried out as his tongue began to explore my vagina, which was already dripping. I knew this was Hal's first experience with pleasuring a girl this way — but he certainly seemed to know what he was doing. Oh my god! It was so good! I could actually feel my clitoris swelling and a wonderful glow began to unfold as his lips dashed across me from top to bottom. I found myself pressing his head against my groin — bedazzled by the incredible feminine delight. The more he tongued me, the hotter and wetter I got. I could feel the walls of my new vagina drawing apart — my hips bucking upward. And I realized that I didn't want his face down there — I wanted his penis there, instead. Right now! The indescribable need to be penetrated, to be taken as a female became too much to resist. I pulled his head up to my face and presented my hips to him. He knelt over me, looked deeply into my eyes and gently pushed his manhood against my crotch. This was it — the moment of truth. I was about to lose my virginity as a girl, about to accept my new gender in the most profound of ways. Yet I didn't even contemplate resisting — I smiled up at him in invitation. And with that, he thrust carefully but firmly into me. Ohhh! There was much less pain than I expected, though I did hurt a little as my hymen was torn. But I was so wet and so ready for him. And then... the glorious sensation of being filled — that terrible emptiness, that feminine longing finally being satisfied. It was as if my body was a puzzle and his penis was the last piece. Please... oh please, my lover... yes... Hal began to rock back and forth and my pleasure reached heights I'd never imagined. My solitary masturbation was nothing compared to this — with him I felt complete, fulfilled in every way — emotionally and physically. My hips rose to meet his as our lovemaking grew more polished — the ancient rhythm of male and female coupling. He controlled the pace of our intercourse, while I was just along for the ride. Yet somehow — yielding to him made the experience all the more intense — and exhilarating. Perhaps there's something primal in a girl's soul that makes the very act of surrendering so arousing for her. Breathing heavily, both of us sexually charged beyond belief, he paused. Then, while staying inside me, he sat back on his heels and lifted my hips onto his lap. Ohhh! Somehow, that drove his beautiful penis still deeper into me. Then he reached his thumb forward and began to caress my swollen clitoris. That took me to an even higher plane of delight. Oh my God — how can it feel so good to be a girl? Oh... don't stop... please don't stop... I remembered to my astonishment that Hal and I had read of this position in an issue of 'Playboy' last year — supposedly guaranteed to bring a girl to ecstasy. We'd both vowed to try it for our first lovemaking. I just never imagined he'd be trying it on ME! My body was spasming, the muscles on the inside of my thighs jumping as he continued to thrust into me while simultaneously stroking my clitoris. Oh Hal, oh my lover — oh, I'm so lucky to have you! And with that, I felt my vagina begin to tense, the lips of my vulva began to quiver, and I exploded into my orgasm. Flame swept across me from head to foot as I gritted my teeth and curled my toes. The small cabin was filled with the cries of female passion as I trembled and shook. Oh God — I love this! Oh, I love being a girl... oh my body... my wonderful feminine body... ohhhh YESSS! It seemed to last forever — much longer than ever before. A river of fluid poured from my vagina. My entire crotch felt like it had turned to warm butter as the hyper-intense orgasm continued to dominate me. Oh... even more amazing than I'd hoped for... oh! What a miracle this is! Finally, my body calmed down — but right behind that came Hal — literally. I felt his penis twitch deep inside me — then he gasped and groaned as his male orgasm overtook him. Yet I knew — however good he felt, I felt even better. I loved the sensation of his warm manhood slowly withdrawing, while leaving his seed within me. Is this heaven? I wondered, as he collapsed onto me. We continued to caress and stroke each other — both of us were near tears with amazement and happiness. He asked if I was all right. Silly boy. I'd never been better in my life. We told each other how special the experience had been — for a couple of virgins, we'd done very well indeed. Especially considering how my body was nearly as much of a mystery to me as it was to him. One advantage of being teenagers — it doesn't take long to recover. After a time, I could feel his erection rising again — and a corresponding need in me rise as well. Amazing. My cheek was raw where his young (albeit shaven) beard had scraped me. My bones felt a bit bruised from the weight of him on top of me. My vagina was still sore from the taking of my hymen. My crotch felt a little messy from a variety of secretions. And I couldn't wait to get him back inside me. As I spread my stocking-clad legs once again and joyfully welcomed him into my body — two thoughts kept whirling through my mind. The first? I'm a woman! The second? I wouldn't have it any other way! Epilogue Summer, 2008 — Beijing, China I stood at the end of the track with a dozen other women who hailed from all over the world. We walked down the homestretch to take position on the starting line. All around us were 100,000 spectators, anticipating the event to come — the women's 1500-meter run. A sense of excitement filled every corner of Olympic Stadium. As I prepared to begin my race, I reflected on this strange and wonderful journey. After graduating high school, I took a full scholarship to Stanford University — which had one of the best track programs in America. I quickly learned it was better to be a big fish in a small pond than vice versa. But I got great support from my new coach, and Coach Bradford was also there for me in spirit. Slowly but surely, I climbed the ladder — moving from also-ran to division leader to NCAA champion. Once I earned my degree (computer science — always have a backup plan!) — I moved to Colorado Springs and the US Olympic Training Headquarters. The altitude and the experts helped me to the next level — international competition. Last year, I'd finished second in the US Championships and a respectable sixth at the World Cup. That, of course, just made me hungry for more. So I trained still harder, ran more races, refining my skills. It paid off. Two months earlier — I'd won the US Olympic Trials — and three weeks ago, I'd defeated most of these women at an all-comers meet in Europe. The announcer introduced me to the crowd, first in Mandarin, then in English. "Representing the United States of America, currently ranked second in the world, Stephanie Lind!" A thrill of pride and anticipation went through me. I spotted my Mom waving wildly from the stands. She'd made the long, long journey to be here and I couldn't have been happier. We were as close as ever — constantly calling and e-mailing each other when I was on the road. My first commercial endorsement (with Nike) was inked just a month ago — so I set up a college fund and practically ordered her back to school. She was so excited about finishing her degree and all the new opportunities ahead. She was, in her forties, coming into her own at last. Hal and I made a valiant effort to keep our relationship going — but reality did intrude. Going to college on opposite sides of the country made it impossible to sustain our intimacy and we reluctantly parted ways. But only romantically. We remained close friends — in fact, packed in my luggage was a wedding invitation — for I'd become very fond of his fiancÈ as well. I just hope she'll show some mercy with my bridesmaid dress! I always knew Sue was destined for big things. She went straight to the Ivy League and graduated from Brown, followed by Yale Law School. She was living in Washington now, learning the ropes as she prepared for a career in politics. I was sure to visit her whenever I passed through the city — we stayed in touch, sharing everything as we advanced in our respective fields. She really had become a sister for me and I was so lucky to have her. Becky and BMW had married two years ago, when he was drafted by the Buffalo Bills. I'd made the journey back to New York to revel in their wedding. Becky was expecting their first child — and her husband already had a weight set picked out. Boy or girl, that kid was destined to be a jock. Arleen played out the cliché to its logical end — she'd moved to San Francisco. I'd met her partner — an equally sweet and adorable young woman who would have percolated my hormones as Jack. Arleen had finally escaped Milford, and she had blossomed as a result. Tamara from Girl School had gone all out — she was married and had her first baby, a boy — last year. Every once in a while, when I looked at their pictures, it still amazed me that she'd once been a normal male — and now she was a mommy. But the glow on her face made it clear she was delighted with the way things turned out. Not so for Jeri. I made a special point to stay in touch with her — because I knew she was struggling more than anyone. I wasn't surprised when she went to West Point — a military academy was just the place for someone trying to avoid having to be all girly. She became an outstanding cadet, taking to the hyper-masculine environment — and she was now a commissioned second lieutenant in the Army. We'd gotten together a few times over the years — and we always had fun. But I could tell — she still saw herself as a man trapped in a woman's body — and she forever would. Sigh. As for me? I certainly didn't feel that way. I'd taken a couple of lovers during my college years — and I currently had my eye on a very cute marathoner who worked out with me back in Colorado. I'd really come to enjoy my sexuality as a woman and I took a particular delight in lovemaking with a nice man. Especially when I got to play a submissive role with a dominant partner. My experience with Principal Grogan had only whetted my appetite for such games. I love having a man take control over me in that way. But only at MY choice, and only in bed. I suspect my desire to be sexually dominated has less to do with my femininity and more to do with my own needs, innate from birth. That passion sure is a lot easier to express as a woman, though. Of course, periods and bras remain frustrating — but cute panties, pretty dresses and those amazing orgasms make up for it. I train hard, but I also love to get all dolled up and indulge my girly side. At the end of the day - I'm very happy to be in this female body. But I'm going to wait before I settle down. I look forward to the time when I'll have the husband, the 2.4 kids and the white picket fence — but not yet. I've got other things to do first. GB remains a mystery to this day. No one has ever figured out who's behind it — in fact, it seems to be spreading just a bit. The first reported cases of girls turning into boys appeared last year, and if an answer isn't found eventually, the implications for humanity will be very interesting indeed. The starter called us to the line. I began to sink into my race-trance, while the other women took their positions next to me. The stadium grew hushed as the moment I'd dreamed of arrived at last. The gun went off. And I was on my way. It's a great life... for a girl. Publisher: BookRix GmbH & Co. KG Implerstraße 24 81371 Munich Germany Text: Me Images: Me Editing: Me Translation: Me All rights reserved. Publication Date: March 28th 2016 https://www.bookrix.com/-jk0df0c3f528f25 ISBN: 978-3-7396-4568-1

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-marisa-redhead16-sophia/

Marisa Redhead16 Sophia To Mom, who's always been supportive. Most of the students like him as well. My other teachers include two Mr.Reeds. They are brothers. The history Mr.Reed is average sized, and he basically has no muscles and no fat. He has brown, curly hair. He's the younger of the brothers. His brother is Mr. Johnson's height, but he does not weigh 200 pounds in a good way. He's not fat, but he's not skinny either.My English teacher is Mr.Kurl.Which is kind of ironically strange, because he has dark curly hair. The science Mr. Reed has a crush on the guidance counselor, Miss Cara Ridda. She is very pretty, with red hair, light skin, and hazel eyes. l have seen her before. l remembered that some of the dorks you see in the movies wear contacts or glasses. l felt lucky, then felt bad. l thought about Sophia. l caught myself thinking,"She WILL be mine." Monday started okay. The two best parts were when Mr. Johnson caught Billy trying to stick a note that said "Fat geek" onto my shirt. An even better part was, right before l walked into history, Sophia actually said," Hi, Tobias.". l could not stop thinking, She knows my name! l was still smiling when Tony picked me up. " Hi, big guy," he said.l ignored him. Tuesday was terrible. Billy stuck a note that said " Fattest dork" on my shirt. l didn't know it was there until a plain boy named Marco mentioned it. Sophia did not say much to me but "Where's Nina?" "Girls bathroom." At that moment, Nina came out,putting lip gloss on. "Hi, Muffincake." Behind Sophia was Billy. "She's mine,not yours." Billy slapped me really hard on the chest. I doubled over, gasping for breath. "Tobias!" Mr. Reed the science teacher hurried to my side. "I'm fine, really." l lied. Mr.Reed sniffed at me, then cleaned his glasses."The nurse still needs to see you,Tobias Shane Grass. And no offense, but you're a bad liar. l'll take care of Billy." The nurse looked unhappy when l walked in. " l really wish you'd learn to comeback." she said, as she studied the new bruise. l felt completely embarassed. " We'd better call your father," the nurse said. l knew that the nurse happened to be really good friends with Dad. Dad had most likely told her what happened.Soon l was in Dad's car. He was quiet the whole time. He was feeling depressed.When we got home,my stomach growled loudly. " Are you hungry?" Dad asked. "Yes." "So am l. l'll put something in the stove" Dad rubbed his blond head, and searched for something for lunch. He found meatloaf." Your mother's been meaning to cook this." he said. After we finished eating, my favorite show, NUMB3RS came on. Dad joined me on the couch,sipping red wine. Girlfriend decided to lay down at my feet. "He's going to trip over you or step on your tail, dog." Dad said. She pretended not to hear him. A few hours later, Tony walked in. He poured himself a glass of water and took a sip. When Mom came home l cornered her and asked " Which shirts look good on me?" " Your red shirt looks good on you. That grey shirt with the skull looks good. Almost all your shirts look good on you. Why?" I told her what l was thinking. " Sophia sounds like she wants to stand up for you." " Her look really says I think you're fat and stupid." Mom laughed and said " Oh Tobias," like she did when l used to say l hated girls. Now l love girls. But l don't know how to talk to them. Later l was on YouTube.I was looking at random videos when l saw it: Sophias Vanity and Purse Tour. l clicked on it without thinking. "Hi everyone," she said. "l'm here for you, gorgeous," l said out loud. " So l'm going to be doing a What's In My Purse video. Then I'll do a vanity and room tour." l watched the whole thing. " lnterested in her?" said a voice. l spun around. Tony. " l don't know. She goes to my school. She's popular." l said.Tony walked away. The next day l was in science. " ls something wrong Tobias ?" l turned around. It was Mr. Reed. "No, nothing's wrong." l told him. He raised one eyebrow. That day, l was working on homework, when my favorite love song started to play. l imagined myself in a better body, dancing with Sophia, smelling her rose scented perfume. "TONY!" Dad's angry voice raged through the house. l paused GirlsGreatestDream's video.It was pretty stupid anyway. All he was doing was trying to get a girl to change her personality so she could be with him. She was smarter than he thought. He wanted her to go tanning and change her pretty red hair to a different shade. She evantually walked away. "Tobias, where's your brother?" l looked. Dad. " In his room the last time l checked." My dog gave me a look like "Huh? What are you talking about?" l gave her a gentle scratch, but l couldn't go very far because of the size of my stomach. At school the next day, l went to the nurse simply because she ordered me to. Who'd l see? Sophia, holding a heating pad over her waist. She glanced at me. Her bright eyeshadow really brought out her beautiful eyes. She offered me a smile. l could not tell whether it was flirty or nice. l smiled back. The next thing l knew l was in gym, sweating hard. Coach blew the whistle. " You worthless pudgy idiot, Tobias!" l blushed, Billy snickered. " Tobias isn't worthless," said a familiar voice. It was Mr. Johnson. He was frowning. " He's sweatin', you numbskull!" "He's supposed to sweat!" "What are you doing anyway?" "I'm heading toward the office. l need to copy these off. Imbelic idiot." He turned to leave, but Coach jumped him. Soon, Mr. Kurl and both Mr.Reeds were trying to separate them. It was a pretty nasty fight. Blood, fists, and even teeth were everywhere. Several more teachers and students came in, including my friends and crush. Micheal edged toward me. "What's happening?" he asked. l told him everything. Sophia got really close to me. My stomach lurched. What is she doing? What should l do? l thought. l got to go home early.Dad looked really unhappy. " l tried to position for a job in a grocery store, Tobias. l didn't get it." l glanced at him. " I'm sorry." " lt was my fault, son." When we were home,Mom and Tony were already home. "Joseph, we need to talk to Tony." "What's wrong, honey?" Mom looked at me. "Why is he home? ls he sick?" She felt my forehead. " He's fine. Something happened in one of his classes. l'll tell you later. Tobias,go upstairs with your dog." l obeyed him. l read a book about a boy with several health problems. Pretty soon, l heard yelling and slamming doors. Then l heard soft crying and talking. l heard Dad's voice. "l didn't mean to hurt him like that. l only meant to lecture him. But what if Tobias heard us?" "If he did, he probably won't bring it up, Joseph." "l'm so sorry, Anna. This is my fault." "Not completely." l heard a knock then a door open. " Tony?" " What do you want?" " l'm so sorry.l'm just so stressed out. Can you ever forgive me?" " Okay, Dad." " Are we friends again?" "Yeah." My door opened.It was Dad. He and Tony both looked like they'd been crying. "Tobias, did you hear anything?" l nodded. A tear fell out of Dad's eye. "It's time for lunch. Mom bought McDonald's." Even though l knew how many calories my belly would take in,l marked the page and went downstairs. The next day,school was canceled. l asked Nina to come over. Her job was find clothes that look good, or better yet, make me look slimmer. But when she arrived, Tony started to flirt with her. " Nice perfume." he said, sniffing her and putting his hand on her back. "Thanks!" l glared at him. Her perfume did smell good, but l knew Tony just wanted to annoy me. l also did not want Nina to get hurt. Tony had broken plenty of hearts already. Tony glanced at me and got the message. We both knew his new girlfriend, Spring, was set to be torn apart. Spring has a lot of friends, both girls and guys. But Tony can cause a lot of pain. Mom smiled at Nina when she came in from the kitchen, carrying a plateful of brownies topped with cashews and almonds. I glared at her also. She was not supposed to do anything. Mom likes Nina, they get along perfectly,but Nina was supposed to be here for me only. l also thought about asking her for dating advice. l took her upstairs after she bubbled on about my grades and she even said some girls think my face looks interesting.Tony asked her if that was a good thing. She said yes, which surprised me. When Girlfriend saw Nina, she wagged her tail and sniffed her. They'd met before. Nina set her purse on my bed and sat down. "So, what's up?" she asked. l told her what l wanted. She smiled. "This will be fun." "How's Sophia doing?" l asked while she took off my shirt and held a brown one against my pudgy gut. " She's great. Hmmm. This one makes you look super skinny." She picked out another one." This shirt looks good, but it also makes you look chubby." She put it in the Keep pile. We got through the closet quickly. We kept everything. I thought about Sophia. l realized l was in love. l loved her. At school the next school day, I headed into the boys locker room and dressed out. We had a substitute gym teacher. He was very handsome, with a slim figure and long wavyish, curly hair. His hair reached his shoulders. He seemed to be part Hispanic.l watched as he counted us off. l could already see he had a great upper torso. His white tank top was stretched tight against his sexy body. He spoke. " Guess what guys? l'm eighteen years old." We stared at him. "My name is Glen Crow. Since Coach got fired, l'm going to be your sub." You could see he was nervous. Twenty five students against one eighteen year old, we could bring him down. " We'll stop by the Aerobics room to get steps, then go to the boys gym." He took us to the Aerobics room. Sophia was in the Aerobics room on a treadmill. Sophia is a few inches shorter than me, but you could literally barely see her feet. She ran so unbelievedly fast. She looked at us. My stomach flipped. Billy whistled. "Kiss-worthy legs, honey!" All the girls in the room glared at him. "Sophia is not a prize!" Maureen, the most popular girl in the school, said. Maureen has blond hair,wears so much makeup you can barely see the rest of her body, and has super-rich parents. She is also as hard as nails, and a little boy crazy. However, if a boy says an inappropiate comment to one of her friends or sisters, she'll rush to her defense. She was doing a weight lifting exercise. That night, l was getting ready for bed. l happened to look down,and noticed that l had bigger belly rolls than anyone in my family. l tried to take off my jeans, but they seemed to be glued to my waist. l remembered that Glen Crow took off his shirt. He had the abs l wanted! l forced my jeans off my waist, and studied myself in the full length mirror. Girlfriend was already on my bed. l flicked off the light and laid down. l covered myself up to my chest. Thoughts of Sophia flooded my mind. l love you,Sophia. l thought. On Saturday,l was reading one of Tony's magazines that he didn't want anymore. l read something new: Don't Believe That Skinny Guys don't get belly rolls,we do! That surprised me. l realized that l knew l had to lose weight, l just wasn't sure how. l stepped on the scale in the bathroom, and gasped. l had reached over 200 pounds! l was now considered obese. l was more than 20 pounds overweight. Luckily, we had Italian for dinner. l decided that l needed a change. After dinner l made . a list of the changes l needed: Sophia had to give me a sign that she loved me,(unless she already had), l needed to lose weight, especially in my belly, life at home needed updating, and Billy had to stop hassling me. l hadn't really thought about he hurt me at least twice a week. Did he truly hate me? Probably. l looked at Girlfriend. She was trying to get the flea collar off. We do give her medicine, but Mom bought the collar for extra protection. "Stop that," l ordered. She gave me a guilty look. l found myself thinking about Sophia. Would her long brown hair match my long blond hair? Who could l tell about her? Logan? No way! He'd tell everybody he knew. Nina? She'd probably tell Sophia herself. Michael? He'd tell Nina. l don't know if l've said this, but Michael really likes Nina. He'd literally die to be with her. Mom? She'd give me flirting tips. Dad? He can't keep a secret. Tony? He'd either laugh and tell his girlfriend, or grunt and pretend l didn't tell him. He's done both. l love Tony, but he can be a pest. Spring came over for dinner Sunday. She was nice and pretty, and everyone liked her. Mom made a really delicious dish. It was a French dish. Monday? Not okay. Mr. Kurl caught Billy trying dump soda mixed with tea and milk and coconut meat on my hair. Sophia didn't spare me a glance. Look at me! Talk to me! Say you love me! l begged her. When l got home,things went weird. " TOBIAS SHANE GRASS!!!" I walked into the kitchen. " Did you call me?" l asked Dad. " l think Tony is playing a prank." he said. Then he turned back to to the newspaper. " Anything new?" l asked him. He smiled, then turned serious. "A major car accident. There was a pregnant woman in it. Her fiance was to blame. He's okay, but she isn't. Don't you know this girl?" He pointed to a picture of an African American girl holding a cat with three legs. "Sure. That's Kila. l went to Burkhard Elementary with her." Dad nodded. "l thought she looked familiar." Girlfriend tried to sniff me. l sat down on the couch and pushed her nose away from my stomach. She persisted. l picked up a Doggie Root Beer and squeezed it. She sat down. l took a good book that had to be read for English out. Dad went outside and brought everything in. Literally. "Tobias, grab some food and a book and go downstairs." l obeyed him. There was good weather for a tornado. When l got downstairs l settled on the couch. l eventually fell asleep reading. When l woke up l went upstairs and showered and brushed my teeth. "Good morning, son." Dad said. "You are not going to school today. You overslept. Mom's in a bad mood, so be careful." But Mom was not in a bad mood at all. She was wearing a collared buttoned empire waist khaki dress. l really liked it. So did Dad. "Sexy dress," he said. Mom tousled his hair. l nibbled the blueberry pancake. Mom felt my forehead. "Those are your favorite," she said. "l'm feeling chubby today." Partial truth. "l know the feeling," Dad said under his breath. Later there was Michael's basketball game. Today we were going against our arch rivals, the Mountain Goats. l soon heard shouts of "Goats!!!" "Devils!!!". Nina leaned over. "This is a big game for Micheal, so be happy for him." she whispered. l saw Sophia not too far away. She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt that said Led Zeppelin. On her feet were cheetah flats. l really liked her green eye shadow. She had a giraffe purse close. She was also sipping coffee and talking to Billy. She saw me and smiled. l smiled back. "What's up?" l asked Nina. She looked at me. l pointed at Sophia. "They're boyfriend and girlfriend." Then time stopped completely. l saw a huge guy wider than he was tall trying to block Michael's shot. l looked at Logan. His hair was standing up. But that didn't matter. My heart was pounding, my breath was short, and my stomach kept flipping. Tears welled in my eyes. l heard a pretty female voice. "Tobias, are you okay?" "Yeah." A female handed me a tissue. l wiped my eyes with it. "Dude, are you sure you're okay?" A red haired male. The male and female looked at each other. l totally ignored them. At that time, l couldn't recognize anybody. Not Logan. Not Sophia. Not myself. l saw Micheal and Nina afterwards. We had won the game, but l felt depressed. "Nina, l need to talk to you." Micheal said. He pulled her to a spot where nobody could eavesdrop. She smiled after he said something. She literally grinned from ear to ear. "Wow," Logan said. l knew what he meant. `Later,there was a dance. Micheal had put on a flannel shirt and was dancing with Nina. I didn't dance, but l saw Sophia dancing. She was a fantastic dancer. She reminded me of a mixture between Lady Gaga and Abba. Her moves were not quite as sexy as Lady Gaga's, but still good. My belly rolls seemed to have gotten bigger. This is impossible, l thought. When l stood up, my stomach hung over almost ten inches. l knocked on Tony's door. " Come in," he said. l walked in. Tony was lying on his stomach and watching wrestling. "Whassup Sqiurt?" "Have you ever felt that you can't be with a girl but you're chunky and a dork at the same time?" He cocked his head. "l've had dorks have crushes on me, but l've never felt too chubby or dorky enough not to be with a girl. Actually l can't remember the last time l've felt truly dorky. Why?" "Just wondering." l lied. Tony smirked. "Sit down. This black guy's really nailing this Puerto Rican guy." Tony wasn't kidding. He really was. He actually won the round. Tony reached into a big bag of salt and vinegar chips. Then he gulped down a can of Coca-Cola. His floor looked he hadn't vacuumed it in years. After the show Tony turned it to Criminal Minds. "Ooh, looks like a couple of guys got into a bloody chick fight." l totally agreed with him. "Where's Mom and Dad?" "Dad got a job at the Burger King on Gage. Mom took a client to a nice restaurant." That meant they'd both be gone for a while. My belly rumbled. The next day l walked up to Nina. Nina has a locker that's pink on the inside. "Hey," she said without turning around. "I've got a bunch of news. Pop quiz in science and math both. Here's the answers to a homework thingy." The reason why she said "homework thingy" was because Mr. Reed was walking right by us. He glanced at us. "Anyway, here's the answers." "Come on Nina. You know l don't cheat. Wait, how'd you know? And how did you get the answers?" Silly question. We have a professional hacker in our school. He or she calls himherself The Beauty. A lot of people think it's a girl because of the name. But the work is done so messily and carelessly that a girl couldn't possibly be the hacker. Nina raised her perfect eyebrows. Why didn't l see how brown and sparkley her eyes really are? "You need to loosen up, Mr.Levelheaded. And there's going to be a party at Maureen's place. About seven. Everyone's invited. Friday." "But l don't know where she lives." "West forty eight second street. Big pink Victorian house. Blue rosebushes. Good looking place. Think about it." "Sounds like Nina wants you to go." Mom said. "And she is your friend." "But, Mom, Maureen is the most popular girl in school." "Speaking of popular girls, Mom, remember that Sara Nerdatron and Delilah Prettie are coming over." "Tony, that's not nice." "l'm serious Mom, that's their last names. Oh yeah, and Sandy Slut is coming over." "Tony!" Then the doorbell rang. l opened it. Three girls were standing there. There was a girl that reminded me of Maureen, a girl wearing slacks and a polo shirt, and a girl wearing provacative clothing. l could see that she had pasties under her shirt. Okay, l do not need to see that. l also knew that Mom would flip as soon as she saw her. "My name's Sandy Slut," the third girl said. She was wearing a tight tank top, a skirt four inches long, and gladiator high heels. She wore lots of blue and black eye shadow. She also had curly blond hair. All of them had blond hair. The girl that looked like Maureen could definitely be her sister. " l'm Sara Nerdatron." the second one said. l glanced at Tony. He gave Mom a smug smile. Mom rolled her eyes. "Okay, you were right." "Wow Tony. You have the cutest cousin." Sandy said. "He's my little brother." "Oh." "His name is Tobias." "Cool. What's it mean?" Tony looked at Mom. Mom shrugged. "We don't know." "So Tony, " Sandy said, inching forward. She played with Tony's bangs. "You want to go on a date." Tony flashed a big smile. And it was real. "l have a girlfriend. Spring Garcia." "Spring Garcia!" Sandy stepped back. She looked like she'd just seen an alien. Maureen number two smiled. "Spring Garcia is really sweet and funny. And she is so real. She was even real when that hot guy from New York came by." "l'll tell her you said that, Kelsy." l glanced at Mom. She looked at me. We were both surprised. Most of Tony's relationships never lasted as long as this. Had Tony found The One? Was he truly in love? l went upstairs. Thoughts of Sophia clouded my mind. l thought about it. l'd secretly been thinking about it for days. Get it over with, you chubby fool! l reached into my dresser drawer, pulled out a pocket knife l had gotten years ago, and slit my wrist. It was the first time. lt didn't hurt. All l knew was that l loved Sophia, but she belonged to someone else. She belonged to my enemy. I need to work on my flirting anyway, l reminded myself. l'd ask Nina for help with that. l opened my locker, grabbed my math textbook and shut the locker. l turned around. Billy was standing right there with a big grin on his face. "l know your secret," he said. Then he drew back his fist. "Billy!" l turned around. My science teacher was right behind Billy with his arms folded. "You weren't going to hurt him, were you?" he asked. But of course he knew the answer. Billy knew that he knew. Mr. Reed knew that he knew he knew. And l knew that both of them knew. "Of course not!" Billy cried. "Strange, l've seen you hit him more than anything else." l walked toward the math wing. l heard Mr.Reed lecturing Billy. After math l walked up to Maureen's locker. "Hey, are you coming to my party?" she asked. "l'm considering it." "Cool. What's up?" l felt butterflies in my belly. Maureen is the most popular girl l know other than my cousin Jasmine. "Uh... how do you impress a girl you're madly in love with?" Maureen smiled. "Does she have a boyfriend?" "Yes." "Then there's not much you can do. If you flirt boldly, you risk making him jealous. If you ask her out, unless she's a hooker, you risk making her anxious. The best thing to do right now is smile and be nice to her. Flirt subtly. Kind of like applying makeup. It can be tricky at first, but you get better the more you do it." She applied a little eyeshadow and walked off. l wrote down everything she said except the makeup part. But how do l flirt? l decided to talk to Tony. "Yo, little bro," he cooed as l climbed into his car. "Tony?" "Yo?" "How do you flirt?" He chattered about the 200 flirt lines he knows. "Mom and Dad are going to be late tonight, so l'll stop at Mickey D's." l didn't really want anything, but Tony ordered for me anyway. "Hey, l have to feed my little baby brother. He'll be hungry without food." He tousled my hair. l let Girlfriend in. But it wasn't just her. A queensland heeler followed her. "That's Jazz." Tony said. "Mom had him checked for a microchip. Nothing. So she adopted him." "What does Dad think of him?" "He's like 'He's just there'. But Mom fell in love with him. She's schudeled an appointment with a local groomer. What do you think?" "l think he's brilliant." It was the truth. l loved him. l went upstairs and lay on my bed. l read a book. Thirty minutes later, l heard shouting. l put the book down and went downstairs. Mom sat at the dining room table. She turned toward me. "Tobias, sweetheart, go back upstairs and take Girlfriend and Jazz with you." l obeyed her. l heard more shouting and slamming. l went to bed around nine o' clock. The next day was grim. Tony and Dad didn't even look at each other. When Tony went to his room l decided to follow him. l don't know what possessed me to do so. He came out with a jacket. We ate breakfast. Tony drove me to school. l watched Sophia closely. She and Billy were definitely dating. Okay, so l decided to go to Maureen's party. Maureen opened the door. " Hi Tobias! Glad you came." She smelled like fresh lavender, and looked beautiful. l loved the hot pink lipstick. "You look lovely." l managed to say. She beamed. "So l heard you got a new puppy." "Sort of. His name is Jazz." "So is he much trouble?" She batted her eyelashes. "He needs to be house trained." Ain't that the truth! My new cell phone rang. Mom had bought it the night before. l looked at it. Michael. 'Yo dude. Sup?' 'lm at Maureen's party.' 'Oh. Have fun.' "Whassup?" Maureen asked. "He wondered what l was doing." "That's cool. Hey, l need some help in science. Can l get your number?" "Sure." l love science and social sciences, and l wanted to get popular and skinny and impress Sophia. l soon saw this girl named Chloe. Chloe has long brown hair that she's always dying to match her current crush's hair. Today it was dirty blond, like my hair. She wore a purple low cut tank top and and miniskirt. She also wore high heels and was shaking her head and dancing wildly. She' s also kind of tall. Maureen sighed. "l don't know why l bothered. You really can't trust her. And Mum would have a heart attack if she met her." l nodded in agreement. Chloe is kind of crazy and inapproriate. l've seen her cuss multiple times. l know almost everyone cusses occasionly, even l've cussed a couple times, but Chloe is really bad. She cusses worse than a player. Her wannabes cheered and clapped. Don't ask me why she has wannabes. Players surrounded her. They were also cheering. "Well if it isn't the neighborhood wimp!" Billy cried. He grabbed me. A pretty hand with perfect nails grasped his shoulder. It was Sophia. My mouth felt cottony, and my hands felt clammy. "Billy, not today. Not now. l'm so sorry Tobias and Maureen." "That's okay," Maureen told her. By eleven o' clock the party was in full swing. "Here you go." Samantha said, shoving beer in my face. Samantha is this girl that gossips constantly. She'd walked up to me and started gossiping. "l don't drink beer." "It's not beer. Some idiot brought beer, red wine, and champagne. Maureen's mom bought this just in case." l tasted it. It was apple juice. l watched people dance and drink. l was happy to see that Sophia had water and a lemon slice and pretended that it was tonic water. l saw a girl ask Maureen for beauty advice. She wasn't ugly, she was actually very beautiful, but she was one of those girls that are irked by pretty girls. l watched Maureen talk about health and beauty secrets. l wonder if she'll tell me how to get skinny, l wondered. She brought her up to her room to see her vanity. l also saw her cat. Mom hates litterboxes, so we've never had a cat. The one thing that makes up for it is that my aunt has a Siamese cat named Sama. It's pronounced Same-a. The party went on until six o'clock in the morning. By then people had either passed out or gone home. Nina, Micheal, Logan, Sophia and l helped Maureen clean up. She thanked us and her mom drove Nina and Sophia home. Micheal called his mom who drove him and Logan home. Maureen asked me to go into her room. She showed me the exercise and computer room. "Mum's room is private. But you can see my room." l asked her if she'd showed Nina and Sophia her room. She said they'd already seen it. Her room was twice the size of my room and had ten times more taste. The walls were pink. Her vanity was big and had Hollywood lights. She had a Twilight poster of Jacob. Other posters included Britney Spears, Rihanna, and others like them. Her closet was huge and seemed to have everything. She even showed me her diary. " This entry says 'Jacob is dangerously cute. But he's a total trenchie.' This entry says 'My newest guy obsession are ones with blond hair and brown eyes.'" "Hmmm." Interesting. l have blond hair and brown eyes. l glanced at Maureen. She seemed so perfect, so intriguing. But l loved Sophia. Mom drove me home. "You're quiet. Did something happen?" "Not really." Her eyebrows furrowed and she tried to feel my forehead. "I'm just thinking, Mom. Really." Mom looked back at the road. Then she brightened up. "You're old enough for a driver's learner's permit. Do you want to sign up? If Dad and l are busy, your aunt or Grandma or Tony can show you." "Sure." Mom smiled at Dad when we walked in. "He said yes." l scratched Jazz's ears. Girlfriend shoved him out of the way. "Be nice." l told her. She nipped at Jazz. Mom glanced at her. "l think she's getting a little jealous of Jazz." she said. l took Jazz into another room and petted him. Mom said he's really sweet and needs as much attention and love as we give Girlfriend. Unfortunately, Mom's thinking about a pug puppy named Lilian. We might get her, we might not. Dad doesn't care for pugs, he thinks they're good for nothing. Tony loves pugs, especially ones with six thousand wrinkles. He's encouraging Mom to get her. While l was on the computer, l decied to make a page of information l knew about Sophia. 1. her sister is Nina 2. She's dating Billy. 3. Her favorite fruit is cherries. 4. Her family is almost as rich as Maureen's. 5. She loves handbags and shoes. Okay, so l didn't know much. But that would change. l looked up flirt lines. l didn't find any that would be good or useful. l gazed at a girl that looked like Sophia. l had to practice flirting. l called Nina and told her what l was thinking. "Talk to Micheal. He knows someone that would be perfect. Oh yeah, l'm dating him." "That's cool." After our conversation was done l called Micheal and left a message. "Hey. What's up?" he asked. "l need someone to practice flirting with." He pondered for a moment. "Ruth Wets." My belly dropped to the floor. So Micheal was planning to hook me up with Ruth Wets. The ugliest and most repulsive girl in school. But l said sure. l hate you, l told myself. l kept cursing myself for thirty minutes after l hung up. Later, l had a date with a girl incredibly boring and unattractive. Mom drove me to the mall. That's where the date was. "Hello,Tobias!" Ruth cried. "Uh, hi." She wrinkled her nose. "You're supposed to say hello, not hi. But let's talk about you." She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the food court. l ordered two hamburgers, coke, and water. "So. What's your favorite color?" "Blue." She dramatically tossed her multiple braids. Her glasses looked tight and uncomfortable. Her braces were baby blue. "What's your favorite food?" "Dunno." " What's your favorite girl?" l answered Sophia without thinking. "That hooker! Stealing my boyfriend! Unacceptable!" My stomach twisted. Boyfriend? "This is our first date." "Exactly!" l left with an armload of regrets. l texted Micheal to ask him what to do. "Stay her boyfriend. I' ll figure out something." l knew he'd tell Nina. The next day, school wasn't bad. Sophia smiled at me. Billy kept glaring at me. He'd dramatically kiss Sophia. The only problem was, Ruth wouldn't leave me alone. Even if l was just getting a drink, she'd follow me. She even made a 'No kissing Tobias Zone.' l couldn't talk to Nina without her freaking out. "He's my boyfriend!" she yelled to any girl that walked by. She is so embarassing, l thought. l tried to go to class. The one class l have with her was science. Science is my favorite class. l tried to concentrate on what Mr.Reed was saying. l kept glancing at Ruth. She smiled at me. After science, Logan cornered me with a quizzical look. "What's up?" he asked. l sighed and told him everything. He just grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Okay, easy. Say 'Ruth. You were just a practice victim. Nobody likes you. You're ugly and weird and jealous.' Quick and easy. She may kill you, but you won't have to deal with her." "I can't believe l've listened to you." l told him. Ruth kept being possessive. "Ruth, stay here. l need to talk to someone." l walked up to Nina, who was drinking Crystal Light water. "l need to get rid of her!" "Just tell her you don't like her." "HE'S MY BOYFRIEND! GET AWAY FROM HIM,BIG FAT PROSTITUTE!" "What did you call me?" Nina asked her. "You heard me." "Uh...Ruth?" "It's okay. You're mine forever." "That's not what l was talking about!" l told Ruth what l thought of her. "You're weird and annoying and ugly and you either smell or have too much perfume on, and l'm not your boyfriend!" l didn't see what happened next. l walked to P.E. Glen counted us off after the bell. "Glen?" It was Miss Ridda, the perky redheaded counselor. "Yeah?" l could see he was anxious. "Can l borrow Tobias please?" "Sure." "What's up?" l asked her in the hallway. "Ruth Wets wants to talk to you in private." Great. l should have known. When l got there, l ended up talking to Ruth about relationships. We ended on an okay note. When l was driving home with Tony, l saw something new about his hair. "Your bangs are shorter." l told him."Yeah. Spring's dad is suspicious. Since he's your doctor and her dad, l wanted to make an impression. And her mom has a page filled with my physical flaws. My hair was at the top. l didn't get it cut, just trimmed. l don't think her parents like me one bit. Spring's naming all my physical and mental stuff her parents would like. So she's trying to get them to like me." l was surprised again. Tony had not hurt Spring yet. They were still together. "l'm keeping Spring. l'm in love." Tony said. He wiped a tear away."l've changed." he replied. Dad looked at Tony when we got home. Tony ignored him. "Tony? l'm so sorry." "That doesn't change things." "l'm so sorry." Dad repeated. He went back to the newspaper he was reading. l let the dogs in and went upstairs. Tony and Girlfriend followed me, and Jazz followed Tony. Jazz is Mom's dog, but for some reason, he really likes Tony. Girlfriend was really upset. She bared her teeth and growled. You could tell she was definitely jealous of Jazz. l led her upstairs and read a book. l was feeling content until my phone rang. "Hello?" "Hello. Tobias Grass?" "Sophia?" l just knew it was her. "Yeah?" "How did you get my number? What's wrong?" "Maureen. And l just wanted to apologize about Billy." "He seems perfect for you." "Actually, he's neurotic and a little needy." "That's not good." "l also wanted to ask for advice. What should l do?" "l think you should do whatever your heart tells you to." "Thanks. Bye." "Bye. Yes! " l fell over on purpose. The girl of my dreams had just called me to apologize and for advice! l felt really excited. My excitement continued through the next day. The biggest problem was Billy. He kept glaring at me.Who knew why? l felt happy until l got home. Tony whistled. There was sticky notes EVERYWHERE. The fridge, freezer, counter, table, desk, everything. l picked up a note. It said, 'Take silk skirt to dry cleaners.'. The menu was even worse. Mom puts whatever is for dinner on a chalkboard menu. Steak, pie, steamed asphargus, pork, bon bons, cooked carrots, and more. l felt my stomach flip. The only time Mom had a menu this big was when a client or somebody important was coming over. l know l haven't mentioned this before, but Mom is a high scale lawyer. She's even won a case for a Senator's daughter and wife before he got elected. Sometimes it's useful to have your mother as a lawyer. She's definitely smart and prepared. She's won millions of cases. Not hundreds, millions. l couldn't believe it. Mom took the sticky notes down and wrote the memos down in her planner. "FFY." she said. That meant fend for yourself if you want dinner. Tony cooked macoroni and cheese for everybody. He's a really good cook and loves food, but can't even stand cooking premade pizza. l wondered if l should become aneroxic. No, too stupid and dangerous. "l need to pick up Spring." Tony said. "l promised her a movie." "Which one?" Mom asked. "The one with the four chicks. l know it's a chick flick, but Spring loves chick flicks." "Oh." Tony grabbed his wallet and debit card and walked out. l noticed a brunette girl walk toward the porch. She rang the doorbell. l answered it. She smiled at me. She was very pretty, long eyelashes, a perfect nose, and plump lips. Wow. She looks like Sophia. "Does your mom or sister need makeup? At Kelly's beauty store we try to bring out the prettiest of women." "l don't need makeup, thank you." Mom said. The brunette pushed past me. "But ma'am, do you really think you look like a model?" Mom turned red. Not embarassment, but anger. Unfortunately, the press arrived at that moment. "Your makeup gives me hives, anyway." "But look at those eyebrows! Ew! And what's that on your face? A mole?" "Get out before l call the police." The brunette walked out with the camera behind her. Dad walked in. "What happened?" he asked. Mom told him everything. Dad smiled. "Your eyebrows are perfect. And your mole is what makes you so beautiful. Anne?" "Joseph." "Anne." "Joseph." l don't mind it when others show affection, but with my parents it gets really sappy. Thinking of Sophia, l listened to the slow version of 'Every time we touch' by Cascada. My love for her was so powerful... she was a heart throbber, not just a crush. l wanted to hold her... kiss her, love her, protect her. Jazz suddenly waltzed in, breaking my fantasy. l realized l was on my bed with my hands folded over my gut. My body felt really stiff. Jazz picked up a toy monkey and squeezed it. l showered and got ready to go to bed. l realized my jeans were getting tighter. l tried on all of them and put the too small ones in an extra cardboard box. If l ever get rid of this gut,l'll finally be skinny and if l'm skinny Sophia will love me and if Sophia loves me l'll be popular. l thought. The plan made sense. l wrote it down on my Lifelong List of Things To Do. l'd made the list in seventh grade. lt was basic stuff. Be rich, get a Corvette, get an Oldsmobile, get a hot wife, stuff like that. For the wife, l figured brown, blond, or redhead. Or black. l currently wanted Sophia. Sweet, flirty, smart, beautiful. My last crush was a blond. l thought about asking her out, then l figured out she's a ditzy airhead. l personally don't like those kinds of girls. Perky,yes. Airhead, no. Confident, yes. Selfish, no. But everyone needs to be slightly selfish but still indulge in good karma. That's the problem with the world today. l went to sleep without any more problems. My alarm beeped. l slapped it hard. l heard a knock at the door. "Yeah?" "Tobias, you don't have school today. In service." Dad said. He closed my door. l woke up an hour later. l put on loose jeans and a black t-shirt. l brushed my teeth and combed my long dishwater blond hair. Mom was making omelets and bacon. She was singing. "l won another case." she announced. "That's good." Dad said, looking at the newspaper. "Who died?" Tony asked, coming downstairs without a shirt on. "Nnnoobboooooooddyy!" Mom sang. "A woman tried to sue a man who got her daughter drunk with Rohypnol, a date rape drug,did it with her, and stole her identity,jewelry,money, checkbook and credit card, but she was having some trouble with the proof. l had the girl tested and she was positive for the drug, the beer,vodka, wine, and lice. The guy was ordered to give the girl her stuff back, pay off the debt racked up on her credit card, pay to have the lice removed, pay for the hospital bill, pay for recovery and therapy, and do three months worth of community service. The judge did not take it too kindly that a teenage girl could have gotten hurt or worse. She was hard on the guy. She made him feel remorse for what he did. But l kind of feel sorry for him because his daughter was being bullied by a more popular but not very nice girl,and the girl who got hurt was in her group. But the judge told him 'If you can't be civil and teach your daughter the right way to handle these bullies, move to another planet.' I believe she deserved some punishment for being so mean to the other girl, but no one should go what she went through. Her friend's words were 'Girl, you need shopping and pampering days until you be yourself again.' She'd even bought her a new pedicure set, foot spray, foot powder, foot cream, and Smooth Away." "What's Smooth Away?" Tony asked. Mom just beamed. "With Smooth Away, l'll never shave or wax again. l'll save thousands!" We ate breakfast while Mom bubbled on about Jazz's visit to the vet. Negative for everything. "He needs to gain some weight,but other than that, he's perfect. He is exactly one year older than Girlfriend." Mom smiled at me."And she's doing fine too. And the pregnancy...what pregnancy? A simple pregnancy scare." l felt relief wash over me. We all looked at the dogs. Girlfriend was chewing on a rawhide bone and Jazz was cleaning her ears. After breakfast we watched our favorite family movie, The Ultimate Test. It was about an alien who disguised himself as a human. His race wanted to know more about Earth before they blew the planet up. But the alien fell in love with a cute redheaded girl and changed his mind. He even wrote her a love song. She eventually found out who he was and left in the middle of a date. She even warned the FBI. They questioned the alien and figured out she wasn't joking. They erased her memory of it and ordered the alien to stop the attack. He did, but he also ended up heartbroken. He said that she showed him what love is like. Area 51 kept a copy of the incident. Unfortunately, the press wouldn't leave them alone. So what happens? They put it on YouTube. Tony grabbed his keys. "Toby, want to come with me?" "Where're you going?" "Mall. Spring's birthday is coming up and l want to get her something cool." "Sure." We climbed into his car. l brought my laptop in case of a traffic jam.We got there without problems. Tony walked into Beautiful Body right away. He came out with a couple Olay face cleansers and a body scrub from Jergens. But he still thought he should get more. He walked into Clinique's and bought a gold headband and a black purse with a cheetah heart. He also bought a zebra purse with pink trim. "l got carried away," he admitted."Maybe l should be the next best fashion designer!" We heard a loud "l love you." coming from something that wasn't human at all. "Good giiirrrlll!" Mom exclaimed. Dad saw us. "Your mother is convinced she'll make millions by teaching the dogs to talk." "Not a bad idea if you post it on the internet." Tony said. Dad shrugged. "Can't argue with that." l eventually decided to take Jazz and Girlfriend for a walk. By the time l walked one block, my entire body felt totally numb. l took a sip of water. l walked five blocks. When l got home, l showered and ate lunch. lt was crab. Mom's crab is really tasty. She serves it whole, with olive oil drizzled inside the shell.My stomach felt heavier than it usually does after lunch. "Okay Mr. Popular, where are you going?" Mom asked Tony. "Hang out with a friend." "What are you doing with that box?" Tony had a small box in his hand. He held up his hands. "Okay, you've caught me. My friend has a smoking problem." "But you're sixteen! You're too young to smoke!" "But Chad is eighteen; he's old enough to smoke, he's just addicted." "Oh. Have fun! Be safe!" "God, you're such a worrywart." Tony mumbled under his breath. "Tobias! NUMB3ERS is on!" Dad called. l watched it with him while Mom cooked chili. l felt my body collapse on my bed. l was so tired. l wanted to take a nap, but every time l do, l sleep for three hours. l sipped water and looked at my floor. A pair of boxers and two pairs of jeans. l tossed them into the laundry hamper. My stomach growled. l just ate. You should be full. l reminded it. It ignored my thoughts. l ate a granola bar. l felt much better. I read a book about the boy with the problems. Asthma, diabetes, stuff like that. l felt so sorry for him. He was only my age, but he was so upset. The boy never died, like the doctors predicted, but his diabetes was somehow cured. He thought it was the third shot of a pint of insulin. Maybe he was right. But the doctors didn't believe him and tried to put him in therapy. Then they figured out he was right and got themselves arrested because they tried to experiment on him. He went through therapy and slowly recovered. Have you seen a movie where two guys fight over a girl? l felt like l'd come in last over Sophia. My heart fluttered, my head felt dizzy, and my stomach lurched every time l pictured her beautiful face. l wanted to hold her body, gaze at her curves, kiss her...but l couldn't while she was with Billy. My hands sweated as l gazed an old picture of her in my last elementary school yearbook. Her features...her eyes...mouth...nose...hair...chin...everything on her was perfect. l planted a gentle kiss on the picture. l looked at a seventh grade picture of her. She was going to be mine soon. Her peachy, pale, glowing skin, sparkling brown eyes, shiny,soft hair, beautiful hands, rosyish lips...wide hips...legs to hold...all that was going to be mine. But my worst enemy owned her. l noticed that my picture was next to hers. l believed that picture was meant to be there. l looked for Tony after that. l found him changing his oil. "Hey, pipsqueak," he said. His face had dirt and oil on it. "You're going to get a pimple." l told him. He shrugged. "l can always pop it. l have some face wash from Axe. Or l can borrow Mom's extra makeup and look like an obnoxious idiot." "You are obnoxious." "True. But l still get straight A's, get plenty of girls, have twenty carloads of buddies, and have ten carloads of rivals and enemies." He was right about that. Just then, one of his old rivals from football drove by. He shouted a lot of good words at Tony and threw an old firecracker that sounds like a gun at him. Tony stood in front of me to protect me. Dad ran out after the thing went off. "Boys! Are you okay?" "Yeah, we're fine." Tony said. Dad went inside to tell Mom. Tony went inside to shower, and l brushed Jazz. He liked it when l scratched his belly. When Tony came out and sat beside me, Jazz hopped onto his lap. "Hey, boy. At least you still like me." Tony said. Dad glanced at him with a hurt look in his eyes. "Tony? l'm so sorry. Please talk to me." "He needs a little more time, lover." Mom told him. "Dad broke my trust completely." Tony said softly. Dad went upstairs. After a minute,we heard soft crying. Dad's heart is really broken. l realized. "Tony, why don't you just forgive him?" Mom asked. "I've already talked to him and he feels horrible." "He's being sensitive. He doesn't care. If he really loved me... " "It's because he loves you. He's trying to apologize because he loves you." "He freakin abused me! He hit me!" "Son, he's in therapy." "I don't care. l wish he wasn't my dad. l wish he was never born!" "Tony!" "He's right, Anna." Dad said. Tony just grabbed a videogame, book, magazine, Spring's gifts, and a roll of wrapping paper with cats all over it. "l'm going to Zee's." he muttered. He grabbed his wallet and keys and left. "Sorry you had to see that, Tobias." "That's okay." l headed upstairs. "This is all my fault. l shouldn't have hurt him. If l could go back now, l would." Dad said. "He needs time to calm down. He'll come back in a few hours." Mom told him. Actually Tony came back in exactly seven minutes. l was brushing Girlfriend while she tried to play with Jazz. Dad was frying rice and carrots. "Dad?" Dad turned around. "Tony." "l'm so sorry!" Tony wrapped his arms around Dad and broke down. "l'm so sorry. l'm so sorry. l'm so..." "Shhh. Calm down, son. l'm sorry too." Mom was at the foot of the stairs. She smiled and wiped a tear away. But Tony was still sobbing. Dad tried to calm him down. "l'm to blame for this." Tony whispered."l'm such a..." "Don't say it. This is not your fault, Tony. Don't ever say you're to blame for this." Dad told him. "l'm in therapy. l'll find a job." When they stopped hugging, l noticed Tony's eyes were red, as if he'd put bleach in them.(Ouch!) "l wish l was never born." "Don't ever say that,Tony." "But l said..." "l know what you said." Logan and l had been paired up for a history assignment. l love Logan,but he's such a slacker. He just studied my room as l tried to finish the details for the poster l'd been making. "What if l got all the credit for your work? Would you be ticked off?" "Heck yeah." He chuckled."Why is your room so clean?" he asked. "Because l'm a nerd and l like it that way." l told him. " Where's your dad?" "Job interview." "Oh." Where's your brother?" "He's with his girlfriend and a bunch of friends." "Now l'm back." Tony said. "We almost got kicked out for the day. My friend kept hooting at every hot girl that passed, even if she was with her boyfriend or sister or friend. He accidentally hooted at a blond teenage mom. Her brother almost lost his temper." Logan just shrugged. "Was was she a ten?" "Lookwise. But being a teenage mom, that brought her down a few. Her boyfriend was also there. He looked just like you, Logan. Red hair and everything. But boy, was he pissed. He told me that his son did not need to hear his mom being yelled at. Spring was really embarassed. l thought l was going to lose her. Then l promised her that l would not hang out with her and Zack in the same building except school or home ever again." l finished the assignment. "Spring and Sophia. Sophia and Spring." Logan said. He grinned at me. "Do you know Sophia, Nina's sister? Tobias? You should totally ask her out." My stomach dropped. "Uh, why?" "Because Maureen is telling the universe about how you two would be perfect for each other." "Really?" "Yeah. Will you?" l looked at Tony. He grinned. "l'll bet you fifty bucks she's hot." he offered. "Oh man. She's gorgeous. An eleven. A twenty, on a scale of one to ten. She deserves a thousand bucks." Logan told him. "Then l'll bet you Tobias doesn't ask her out at all this year." Tony said. Logan agreed, and they shook on it. But their bet broke my heart. l love Sophia, l love Logan, l love Tony. I looked around the next day. School hadn't even begun yet. Cliques gossiped. Flirty people flirted. Boyfriends and girlfriends kissed. Nerds prepared to go to class. Maureen and Nina were talking. Michael and Logan argued about who's better, KU or Giants. Billy and Sophia were kissing. I suddenly heard a loud shout. It was Ruth. "NO! I'll shave my armpits and legs and brush my hair and teeth when Tobias Shane Grass loves me again!" A boy named Seth looked at me with a question in his eyes. He casually ran his hand over his long blond hair and walked up to me."Sup?" he asked. l told him everything. He nodded."Big mistake, dude. l've dated her before. She won't leave you alone until someone else asks her on a date. Which will be in six million years." He walked away to tell his girlfriend. Chloe walked up to me."What's wrong? Girlfriend upset?" She put her hand on my chest. "Listen, I've got to go. l promised somebody l'd help her with something." l told her. Chloe wrinkled her nose. "Her?" she asked. "Yeah." l don't know why, but as soon as Billy walked up to another girl, l approached Sophia. "Hi.What's up Tobias?" she said. l gazed into her piercing brown eyes for a second. l wanted to feel her brown hair, kiss her plump lips. "l...uh...what would you do if you had two guys chasing you but you didn't like either one of them and was in love with someone else but he has a girlfriend?" She pressed her lips together. "If the guy l'm in love with has a girlfriend, l'd either find somebody else or wait until they break up. The longest teenage relationship l know of was with my brother and his current girlfriend. They've been together for three years. As for the other one, l'd tell him l'm not interested." "You have a brother?" l asked her. "Yeah. l thought Nina told you that. But l think l know why not. He's really talkative and embarassing." "Thanks for the tip." l told her. She grinned. "You're welcome. Since you asked me for help l'll ask you for help. What should you do if you're unsure about the current boyfriend?" Jackpot! "You should do whatever your heart tells you to." l told her. "Thanks." she said. l glanced at the clock. Five more minutes. Sophia and l talked about our lives. My new dog. Her bata fish. Girlfriend's pregnancy scare. Nina's cat. l glanced at Ruth a couple of times. She was glaring at Sophia. "She's just mad because l'm talking to you." l told her. "l heard you're dating her." Sophia told me. l smirked. l told her the truth. "l'm not dating her. That was one time. l'd rather date an airhead." Now l knew a little more about Sophia. Perfect. Ruth kept glaring at Sophia. l felt horrible. l'd brought this on her. l felt ugly and fat. "Tobias, is something wrong?" Mr. Reed's question interrupted my thoughts. His hazel eyes looked worried through his glasses. "Yeah, l'm fine." l told him. He straightened up and walked on. After science l saw him whispering in Mr. Kurl's ear. Mr.Kurl glanced at me then nodded and said something back. l overheard Mr. Johnson talking to Glen about me. "Mr. Reed is worried about Tobias. He's not himself lately. He's quieter and hasn't answered any question in more than a week. l saw him talking to Chloe then Sophia this morning. It was clear he did not want Chloe near him but was fine with Sophia. His math grade dropped a few points. Not a whole letter grade, but enough to affect him. Mr. Kurl said he hasn't read one sentence since they read a story about a young man who nearly died of cancer. He's worried that that story scared him. l don't think he's scared, it's something deeper." l walked out of the locker room with my water bottle in hand. Glen took roll. "l just want all of you to know that if there's something wrong you can always tell me." he said, and looked right at me when he said "tell me." l sweated like l was running for my life five minutes later. My hair would not stay out of my face, my stomach jiggled, and l hate running. The song was good at least. After l'd run a mile l collapsed on the floor. "Tobias, are you okay?" Mr. Crow asked, standing over me. "l...don't...know..." l breathed. He nodded. "Quick tip. And this applies to anyone who's listening!" he called. Several people stopped. "Don't over extend yourself. Go to your limit. Don't go any farther. That's the secret to a great workout." In history, we watched Mary Poppins. We'd already watched three Shirley Temple movies. "What's the similarity?" Mr. Reed asked. l raised my hand. My history teacher looked a little surprised. "Tobias?" "There's children in both movies." "He's right, there's children in both movies. What else?" Other people named every single similarity. The bell rang. "Uh...Tobias, l need to talk to you." Mr. Reed said. l walked up to him. "What's up?" "I've been talking to your other teachers, including my brother." He moved a lock of his wild curly hair out of his face. "It seems you haven't been yourself lately. Is something going on? You haven't answered any of my questions for three weeks until today. Apparently that's happened in other classes. Are you hurting? Are your friends still nice to you? Mr.Johnson said he saw you talking to Ruth Wets in a mall where his sister's boyfriend works. He also saw you talking to Chloe Keen and Sophia Martinez. We're worried about you Tobias. We really are. You're one of my personal favorite students. You're smart, hardworking, and quiet. Please tell me if anything's wrong." He tried keep a straight face, but his eyes were big and pleading. l sighed. "You'll be the first person l tell when and if l'm ready." l told him. After school l saw Sophia sitting by herself. "Hey." She turned around. "Hi." "Are you lonely?" "Not really. Nina had to help with something." l noticed she was wearing a white tank top, shorts, and skateboarding sneakers. Somebody turned a radio on. "Are you two helping?" That was the principal. Sophia said sure, and l found myself cleaning a hall somebody pelted with lunch meat with Sophia, and listening to "Pocketful of Sunshine". Sophia spent some of the extra time organizing her locker with my help. l didn't even see Tony until we finished. "Thanks for helping," Sophia said. Without warning, she gave me a kiss on my cheek. "That's for helping and being a good friend." she said. Behind her, Billy gritted his teeth. "Who was that?" Tony asked. "My best friend's sister." "Oh. She like you?" "As a friend." We were listening to "If I Had You" by Adam Lambert. Tony cranked up the volume. "This is for you, Spring." he said. l noticed that he had a picture of Spring in his wallet, car, and a big one in his room. Her dark hair certainly complemented Tony's long blond hair. But does brown complement blond? Will she ever be mine? "A girl kissed Tobias." Tony loudly announced. "Oh Tobias, that's wonderful! What did she look like?" Mom asked. "He said she's Nina's sister. She had long brown hair, brown eyes, a narrowish wideish nose, plump lips, perfect ears, hoop earrings, and she was wearing a tank top, mini-shorts that covered a great butt and a little leg and skateboarding sneakers. And she had a giraffe purse." Tony said. "She sounds attractive." Dad said without looking up. "Oh yeah, she was hot. On a scale of one to ten, she's an eleven." He looked at me."You're red, bubby. You know, you should ask her out." My parents looked at me. l told the truth. "l probably would, but she has a boyfriend." l told them. "Who?" Tony asked. "Did you see the guy behind her?" "The redheaded one, blond one or the one wearing a leather jacket?" "Leather jacket." "Yeah. Is it him?" "Yeah." "What did he look like?" Dad asked. Tony described Billy, right down to his nails. l kept seeing things. Like, green spots on the ceiling. Yellow spots on Jazz's stomach. Red spots in Mom's hair. Blue spots on Dad's shirt. Purple spots on Tony's chest. l decided to call it coloration hallucination. l did my homework, and stared at the ceiling in my bedroom. "Toby?" It was my brother. "Toby, l...why are you staring at my chest?" "Uh..." "Anyway, Spring and l want to go have dinner and see another movie. Want to tag along? She has to bring her ten year old sister." "Sure." l had nothing better to do. Besides, l like Spring. And ten year olds can be a handful. Dinner was good. Medium-well steak with potato wedges. Spring's sister batted her eyelashes at me. The movie was even better. It was about a girl who asked a popular girl to give her a makeover and get her cooler friends and a boyfriend. The only problem was a boyfriend. The unpopular girl was needy and jealous. Guys couldn't even look at their own sister or cousin. A guy asked her out eventually. "Pocketful of Sunshine" and "If l Had You" at the end I felt stressed. l kept thinking She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me. l kept seeing colors. l talked to Dad about the colors. He just said adolescence was the cause. "Do you know where Tony is? l need to ask him a question." "l think he's upstairs, son." l went upstairs. "Tony?" l asked, walking in his room. "l'm taking a nap. Spring and her best friend got into a fight about me." What Tony did not know was that Mom was eavesdropping around the corner. "Victoria called me a chubby player. Victoria Wets." My heart skipped three beats. "Victoria Wets? That's Ruth Wets sister! Ruth Wets is crazy about me and wants to be my girlfriend." "Why don't you date her?" Tony asked. "Because she's weird and ugly and talks too much and..." l told Tony all of Ruth's issues. "Bullshiz. Bullshiz. No wonder Victoria's crazy." "Careful of the language." Dad said as he walked past. Tony rolled his eyes. He was lying on his back with his fingers laced over his belly. "Sup, alec?" Alec is Spanish for "little brother". Or at least it's close enough. "l was wondering if you've ever been in love." "l'm in love right now.True love." He moved a piece of hair out of his eyes. "l really want to impress Spring's family and make her ex jealous. But her family doesn't like me." He sat up. "Why doesn't Mom call her parents and invite them for dinner?" Mom bounced into the room."Tony, that's a wonderful idea! l'll cook and convince them you helped. l know how much you hate cooking." "Actually, l think l'll help." Tony said. Jazz and Girlfriend barked. "They agree." Mom said, bending down to scratch Girlfriend. "Tobias? Why don't you invite Nina and her sister?" Mom asked. "Okay. l'll text her right now. When is it?" "Saturday's best." l texted Nina. 'Cool.See u then.Sophia said she'd go.' Nina texted back. School went by fast. l sat on the bench. l was wearing a button down shirt tucked under my belly. l also sprayed extra cologne on. l wanted to look good for Sophia. "Wait until Chloe,Ruth, and your crush see you. You look amazing." Nina had told me earlier. Sophia even blushed a little every time we saw each other. Her crimson cheeks turned me on. "Hey dude." l turned around. Logan. He stopped and looked me up and down. He rubbed his eyes. "Is it me or are you a flirt?" he teased. Micheal was beside him. "Tobias, you look hot. Like, super amazing." He sat down beside me. His eyes were red. "Have you been crying, Mr. Popular?" l asked him. He rubbed his eye. "It's nothing." He turned red. "Please don't tell Nina! l don't want to hurt her. l love her." "What do you mean?" l asked him. "I was so caught up in lust. l didn't want to." Suddenly, l knew what he'd done. "Micheal, who was it? Why'd you do it? I can't keep this a secret." "Neither can l." That was Sophia. Micheal hopped up. "Sophia! Don't tell her!" "She's my sister. l love her even though she grinds my nerves sometimes." "What if it was switched? Would you want Nina to tell you Billy cheated on you?" Score. Micheal had won that round. Sophia chewed on some hair. The bad news is, a big gossiper and her boyfriend were close by. They watched us closely. "Okay. l won't tell her." "Hey, baby." My rival held my love close. They kissed. "I don't think I can stand losing Nina. l'll kill myself." Micheal said. "That's a little graphic." l told him. "She's Psyche, and l'm Cupid." he said. Micheal's family is half Greek. "Except she's not psycho. l feel so bad." Just then, his dad pulled up. "Son, what do you feel bad about?" He had a Greek accent, and is a little stocky. His hair is jet black, and his eyes are big and brown. You can tell he's Micheal's dad in a heartbeat. "l'll tell you in the car, Dad." Micheal said. He and Logan shook hands, then l shook with him. "Please don't tell her." he whispered. He got into his dad's car and they drove off. "l wonder who it was. Probably a slut or confused chick desperate for a boyfriend." Logan said. l agreed with him. Our school is very cliqued. Tony drove me home again. "Sup, little bubby?" he asked."What do you mean?" l asked him. "l can tell if something's wrong with my own brother. Better than Mom and Dad can. l love you, Tobias. You can always call or text me or talk to me. And if you tell anyone l said this, l'll kill you." His words touched me so much l had to write it down. "l love you too, Tony. The same thing applies to you." He choked up and moved closer to me. l told him everything Micheal had said. "Who can l tell?" he asked. "No one." "Can l tell Spring?" "As you swear her to secrecy." Arguing could be heard from the foyer. "I'm telling you, Anne Rachel Grass! I don't care! Even if l did, would l keep this a secret from my boys?" "They are our SONS!" "l don't care!" l followed my brother upstairs. "l've never seen them fight that bad." Tony said. He brought out a stethoscope from his old spying and lock picking kit, and put it against the wall in his room. He brought the rest of the kit in his room. "l can't believe Mom never threw this out." he said. She threatened to throw it out after he heard them in the bedroom. l followed him. He gave me another stethoscope, but l decided l didn't want it. l heard more shouting and barking. Eventually l heard a door slam. When l went downstairs after an hour of messing around on my laptop. Dad was drinking red wine and watching a romantic movie. His eyes were as red as the wine. "Where's Mom?" l asked. He didn't look at me. "She's at a hotel. I'm sorry you and Tony heard that, Tobias." A door opened. It was Mom. Her eyes were also red. She hugged me and Dad. "I'm so sorry." she whispered. When she saw Tony she hugged him."I'm so sorry." she repeated. Tony and l went upstairs. We listened through the stethoscopes. "I'm so sorry Anne. You want what's best for them and l threw the rug right out from under them. They are my sons. l can't believe l said that about them." "I'm sorry too, Joseph. l want them to know we'll be fine. You tried, Joseph." Soft crying. Dad trying to calm Mom down. Kissing and sucking. Taking clothes off and shutting blinds. l cuddled with Girlfriend on my bed.l thought about what l needed. Sophia, a skinny belly, Billy leaving me alone. The skinny belly l could get on my own. Sophia needs to love me back.Billy needs to leave me alone, but also leave Sophia alone. My stomach started to growl after a while. l glanced at the clock on my desk. It wasn't even time to feed Girlfriend and Jazz yet. l went onto a chat log. Redboy: Hi Hotcheer: Hey Redboy sup? u like red? Redboy: kinda my favorite color is brown Hotcheer: why brown? Redboy: my crush's eyes and hair Hotcheer: oh that's so sweet!!! ;) good luck Redboy: thanx l pulled up a picture of Hotcheer. She did the same. She had black hair, plump lips, pale skin, and full eyelashes. She lived up to her online name. She pulled up a picture of me. Hotcheer: hey ur good looking luv the shirt Redboy: thanx l wondered why anyone would call me good looking. Suddenly a picture of Sophia went up. Her eyes went wide. All three of us stared at each other for a minute. Cherriesandpepsi: tobias!!!!!!!! Redboy: sophia Hotcheer: whats goin on? Cherriesandpepsi: hes my sisters bff Redboy: bff? Cherriesandpepsi: best friend forever Redboy: o : Hotcheer: tobias is my boyfriends name.!!. Cherriesandpepsi: cool Hotcheer: im loggin off Redboy: k Cherriesandpepsi: k Sophia switched to video log. l did the same. "I'm excited." Sophia said. "Yeah, l am too." "TOBIAS! Dinner!" Dad called. "Listen. l've got to go. See you tomorrow." "Okay. Bye." We logged off. We ate pork and cooked carrots. The pork was better than the carrots. l looked at the calender. "Mom, when is Girlfriend's next vet appointment?" l asked. "Next Saturday. She needs her shots and teeth cleaned." Mom answered. l heard the song 'Battlefield' by Jordin Sparks on the radio. Great song. l showered and put on fresh boxers and a tight shirt. l didn't feel good, so l wanted to lie down. l laid down on my bed and started to watch a movie. l heard a knock at the door. "Come in." l said. Dad walked in. "Son, we're watching The Ultimate Test. You look hot." He felt my forehead. "Anne!" he called. Mom rushed in. She took my temperature. She gasped. "One hundred and four degrees! Joseph, get him some juice or water. He needs a cool drink." Dad walked out. Mom looked directly at me. "Tobias, tell me the truth. Do you have a bellyache or headache?" "Bellyache. Both, actually. My belly feels worse than my head, but they both hurt a lot." Dad came back with orange juice. "Why is Tobias hogging the attention?" my brother asked, coming in. "He has a fever,Tony." Dad told him. "Do you want privacy, Tobias?" Mom asked, setting aspirin on my nightstand. "Yeah." My family left and Dad closed the door. l began to feel better an hour later. The movie was over. l decided l didn't like it. It was Tony's anyway. l read the newspaper. A new Nazarene Church, a skeleton and evidence of ghosts found in an abandoned warehouse. l do believe in ghosts. A Senator broke her leg, a story about a link to Alzheimer's. Not much else. l read the school newspaper. A boy who hands out socks and shoes and backpacks at a homeless shelter. That was the only thing that wasn't boring. l read one of Dad's old magazines. Sex and woman tips. A workout that was supposed to help you lose fifteen pounds in one week. But that's not possible. Money tips. l have over one hundred dollars in my wallet. A gorgeous new car. My body was in pain. One of Nelly Furtado's songs played. l suppose l fell asleep, because Dad was shaking me. "Tobias, son, wake up." He felt my forehead. He shivered a little. "Never mind." he said. Then he closed the door.l heard him talking to Mom. "Anne, he's still sick. He's burning up. l think he'll have to stay home again. He's...l'm worried about him." l realized l felt even worse. My entire body hurt so much. l heard Dad talking to himself. "First month's weight loss goal: fifteen pounds." Dad was going on a diet. l was feeling so tired, so in pain. l heard Dad again. "Tobias! Tobias, wake up. Wake up, son." "What's going on? Dad, why am l in a hospital bed?" "Son, you fell asleep. You were sleepwalking. At first you were moving furniture, then you walked outside and got hit by a truck. Mom will be here soon with Tony. Tobias, you're lucky to be alive. You had some bleeding in your stomach and leg, but they fixed it. Son, you also passed out and got a concussion. Please don't be mad at the next person who wakes you up." The TV was on. l watched a movie with my father until lunch. By then, Mom and Tony were three hours late. "l'll call them." Dad said. He went into a hallway. When l woke up again Tony was sitting beside me. "Good news, little bubby. You can go home." l went home with a bruise on my back and my left leg in a cast. l was going to stay home for a few days. When school was over, l texted Micheal, Nina, and Logan. 'OMG! i hope ur ok Sophia says hi and she thinks ur hot' I stared at Nina's text for a long time. Sophia. Thought. I. Was..... Hot. l loved her so much. She thought l was hot. But she was with Billy. 'Tell her i said hi.' "Do you like her?" Tony asked, reading the texts. "Yeah. I like Nina's sister a lot." l said without thinking. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Tell her you like her." "Sophia or Nina?" l asked as if it wasn't obvious. "Both." "OH TOBIAS!" I turned around and came face to face with Mom. She had tears in her eyes. "Say you need her number for a project or survey or something. When she answers your call a few days later tell her how you feel. Make sure you buy her favorite flowers on your first date. A little chocolate would also help unless she hates it or is allergic to it." Mom was talking so fast she had to catch her breath. Mom was dangerously excited. She cocked her head. "What happened to Ruth?" "She wasn't my type." l told her. So l texted Nina and she gave me her sister's number. l texted Micheal and Logan after Nina. Micheal never responded, and Logan just said 'Wow.i feel sorrow 4 u'. So l spent a few days at home with Dad. All l did was watch TV, read books, get fatter, and sleep. l tried doing ab exercises, but most of them involved both my legs, and doing exercises like the mason twist was hard, so l just stretched. l texted Nina,Micheal, and Logan. l felt like l was getting more heavy than l actually was. l dreamed about kissing and loving on Sophia. One day l was so happy and blind l didn't realize l was on the floor until Jazz sat on top of my face. Tony had to capture that on videocamera and digital camera. Before l knew it, it was already online. "Ahhhhhh, this ruins my life." l moaned. "Don't be Mr. Dramaqueen. You'll be fine." Mom said. "l had to endure pictures of me and my boyfriend in bed back then. It was embarassing, and we never talked for weeks." "Luckily your mother was the prettiest girl in school. She wasn't the most popular, but she hung out with them ninety percent of the time. Even Phoebe couldn't beat her. Pheobe was the most popular girl, but your mother was the prettiest." Dad said. Dad acts weird and mentions other women when Mom talks about or to another man. l pictured Mom in a cute sweater with popular girls sitting on a good car. Maybe with big curly hair and tacky glasses, even though she does't wear them and her hair is naturally straight. My mother is one of those people who looks great in everything even if it's as ugly as sin. She literally looks fantastic in everything she puts on. l wanted to kiss Sophia. Of course. I've kissed only one girl before, but she liked me, l didn't like her at all. Yes, it was Chloe. Major ouch. She hated me for a while after l said "l wouldn't date you if my life depended on it." But l got into a fight with my ex-best friend, Jake. He'd asked my crush out even though he knew l liked her. Her name was Rogue. She had wavy red hair and small violet eyes.The most beautiful girl anyone's ever seen. Hallways either stopped or slowed every time she walked into one. Everyone wanted to either date or be friends with her. Jake and Rogue both go to another school. l'd bet over one hundred dollars they broke up. Speaking of Jake, Mom called me into the kitchen. l figured it might be a friend. l sat down at the dining table. "Hello?" "Tobias Shane Grass? lt's Jake." My heart stopped. "Listen, l'm so sorry about Rogue. l know it was over a year ago, Rogue broke up with me last week. Said she found somebody else. Some male model with buffed abs. He's older than her by two years. He promised me he would protect her and won't break her heart. Accept my apology?" he said."Sure." We ended on a good note. l felt so stressed and out of shape. l wished l was skinnier. Much skinnier. At school the next day, Micheal stopped me by my locker. "Are you okay, dude?" "Yeah." "Logan and Nina are worried about you. So are my parents. Dad wanted to give your family some food." "Why? We're fine." "Yeah, but he said your family might be too upset to cook. He has it in his head that someone died." "No one died." "Yeah, that's what l've been trying to tell him. He probably gave your mom or dad some sort of cakey slash crusty dish that l forget the name. l know it's as Greek as he is though. One hundred percent." "Hmmm. Tell him thanks." "Okay." l zoned through my classes, feeling the occasional butterflies in my stomach when my girl walked by, getting ugly looks from my enemy, and doing whatever l missed. For gym l stretched extra hard. l wanted to be skinny soon and make Billy jealous. The song "Kiss the Girl" played. It was Ashley Tisdale's version. l want to kiss her, but she has a boyfriend. "Quick random love advice. Stop the treadmills and everything else." l stopped running and took a drink of water. "Did you know that even if a girl was married or had a boyfriend, the guy told her he loved her anyway?" "Nice." Billy said, grinning. "Would he then cheat and commit adultery?" Everyone giggled, even me. Glen smiled. "That was up to the woman." he said. "The hour's almost up. Blame me if you're late. l'll call the office. Go change." l changed into my clothes. l had a hard time getting my jeans on and my shirt to cover my waist. Okay, so Nina convinced me to go to a talent show with her, Micheal, Sophia, and...Billy. Billy glared at me when l met with them. "What is he doing here?" he asked. "Billy, pretend you like him for two hours for once. He's our friend." Sophia told him. We found seats together near the back. It started with Chloe singing 'Ex-Girlfriend' then 'Barbie Girl'. Ruth sang a song she wrote herself. It was about me and her. Sophia, Micheal, and Nina tried not to laugh. Billy did laugh. l was blushing and trying to hide. Everybody else laughed. Logan made sure his shirt was working properly. (l know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but it's Logan.) A stuck up cheerleader did a routine while singing a song about kissing somebody who didn't like her back. A couple sang a romantic song l'd never heard of. Halfway through the song l saw Billy grabbing and rubbing Sophia's hand. She leaned her head on his shoulder. l didn't like that. My heart broke a little. l loved Sophia but Billy had her and Sophia's sister Nina was dating Micheal Logan was flirting a popular blond who secretly liked him back...my life was in a triangle. Yes Logan had just started flirting with a popular blond. Her name is Lindsay and she's cute. She has a heart shaped face and big green eyes. She hangs out with Sophia, Nina, and Maureen. Speaking of which, l saw her with her mom and sister. She was texting and talking. l understand why her mom was there, she's the president of the school board. She looks exactly like Maureen except hair color and texture. Think Emma Watson. Long and wavy-curly. Very pretty. l know her not just because of Maureen, but because my mom won a case for her once. That's how l know her and Maureen. That's also l met Nina. She and Sophia were staying at Maureen's house for a few months while their parents were in rehab and she brought them over. The case was for a woman who constantly cursed at and threw stuff at Maureen and her sister because she hates children. Boys more than girls, though. Mother protecting her children. My mother completely understood that. When it was over Micheal's dad was at the door. He seemed to have lost a few pounds. "Tobias," he said getting off the phone. "Your mother wants me to help you pack a bag and go to my house. Your father is both hallucinating and drinking and swearing. He's also passed out several times. You and your brother will stay at our house." "Ok." While he called his wife l turned around. "Is everything all right?" Sophia asked. And the butterflies work their way into my belly, l thought. "Yeah." l said. But l knew she heard. Everybody, including Logan, had heard. For once Logan kept his mouth shut. l was so tired, l held ice on my head. l slept in Micheal's room on the floor. Micheal's room was big with posters and pictures of basketball and football stars. And a few male models along with a female model. Micheal also had a few pictures of Nina on his desk. You could tell how much he loved her. The next few days were fine. Micheal let me shower and brush my teeth in his bathroom. School was okay except for one little thing. l was sitting on the benches again. "Tobias?" l looked up. It was Mr. Johnson. "What are you doing?" he asked. "My brother is picking me up. He does every day." "Where does he go?" "He's a sophomore." "Oh. So he's in high school." "Yeah." He jogged off. Jog? Yes. For the first time l noticed he was wearing a tight tank top and biker shorts and he was jogging. For a minute l felt jealous of him. Of his body. Listen to yourself. Jealous of your own teacher. Hey, what's wrong with Nina? l wondered. She was walking toward me with her arms crossed tightly. But it wasn't cold. In fact, l should not have worn jeans. "Nina, is something wrong?" l asked her. She shrugged. "Micheal cheated on me. The chick he slept with told me to stay away for a year." "Oh l'm so sorry," l hugged her a little. "How did you find out?" l asked her. "Hafize was talking to Micheal about it. l overheard. Then you-know-who found me and told to stay away and that l'm ugly and dumb." She was really crying now. She buried her face in my chest and sobbed. "l'm so sorry. You're actually very beautiful and smart and sweet. I'm not saying that just to be nice l swear." l glanced up. Sophia was rubbing her fraternal twin sister's back. Nina's hair is very black. Sophia's hair is very brown. They both have dark brown eyes. My hair is very blond. My eyes are chocolate brown. Nina calls it 'a handsome combination and totally hot girlfriend worthy looks'. l looked up again. Logan's hair is very red, but not as red as Rogue's. Jake was looking at me. l noted that he seemed to have lost then gained weight again. His blond-brown hair looked a little greasy and messy. He waved at me then sat down on the other side. "Who was that?" Sophia asked quietly. "He was handsome." "Thank you." Jake said in an annoyed voice. Nina giggled a little. She'd stopped crying while l felt a spark of extreme jealously. "That's Jake. He was my best friend." "Oh so l'm not your friend?" Nina asked. "Relax, l said was. As in 'l knew before l truly knew you'." "That's sweet." Sophia teased. She and Nina giggled. "l feel better already,but l'm not getting up. Tobias, your chest is like a pillow and l can hear your heart beating like crazy." l smirked. Just then Tony pulled up and honked. "l have to go." l said. Without thinking, l bent down and kissed Sophia on the lips. A little of her lipstick wiped off. Tony waggled his eyebrows when l got in. "l saw that. Are you dating?" "No, l just have a humoungous crush on her. l wasn't thinking when l kissed her." l quickly covered my mouth. Tony grinned. l had a choir performance that evening. l already knew Nina would be there. And so would Ruth and Chloe. Of course Nina, Sophia, Ruth, Chloe, Maureen, and Logan and Lindsay were there. Logan and Lindsay held hands. Mom had a video camera. l did my solo on the first song. The song was called 'Summer Dreams'. My position is first bass. Hafize did her solo, and Micheal did his. We did nine more songs including one by Stevie Nicks. When it was over, Nina cornered me. "Do you like my sister?" "l'm in love with your sister." She sighed and tossed her hair. "Look, it's really romantic that you like her that much. But not only is she dating, she's dating your enemy, and she's your best friend's sister. l would really hate it if you two broke up and our friendship faded." "Relax. We won't break up if your sister likes me back. If we do, l promise l won't be the breaker. l'll be the break-ee." She was satisfied with that and hugged me and left. Nina and Sophia walked away and got into their mother's car. The next day was the day the bullying cycle started again. Billy dumped my books twice and slammed me against a locker and the hand dryer in the bathroom. Mr. Reed saw me being slammed on a jock's locker, and Mr. Kurl was washing his hands when l was slammed on the hand dryer. Ms. Ridda and Miss Lily were walking by when my books were dumped both times. l was stressed out when l got home. l did my homework, and tried to forget the fact that my father looked worried when l walked in. He stared until l went upstairs. l stared back. Girlfriend jumped on my chest went l laid on my bed and covered my eyes. l decided to take a nap. l closed the door, took my clothes off, which of course was hard, and shut off the light. Dad was shaking me an hour later. "Son, Tobias, wake up. It's time for dinner. l made chili." l looked at him. "l can't remember the last time you cooked. Where's Mom and Tony?" "Tony's with his girlfriend, and Mom had to leave the state unexpectedly. Just you and me for a while, bud. Rub your eyes and get dressed." l put my clothes back on and went downstairs and looked at myself in the mirror. l looked tired and annoyed, and since the shirt was a little tight and l'd been wearing a jacket all day, l could see my bellybutton and the outline of my gut. l went downstairs. "l think it's about time for a trim, son. Your hair is getting really long." l didn't say anything. "Silence doesn't mean anything. He must still be tired." my father reminded himself. l heard a little fear and a little hurt in his voice. Tony got home way past his curfew. l mean way WAY past his curfew. As soon as he walked through the door, Dad started yelling."Can't you pay attention to time you worthless piece of slime!" "What did you call me? You think l'm..." "Shut up! l don't want to hear anymore out of you!" "You hate me! You even like Tobias more than me!" "Tony, that's not true!" "Then why don't you ever abuse or yell at him instead?" "Because he's a better kid than you! He's worth more! If l had to choose between you and him, him!" "JOSEPH! TONY!" Mom was home. l heard more yelling. Someone even threw something. Eventually Mom must have called the police, because l heard sirens at our house. One of our neighbors called the press, who wouldn't leave us alone. Dad was in jail, and Tony was at a hospital. Newspapers kept calling, so Mom wouldn't let me go to school, and bolted the door. l was a little annoyed that she was being overprotective, but l knew she knew this was private and no one had to know. The press got what they could and took pictures of Tony and Dad. It was on TV. The deputy in charge kept most of it private. She was kind of pretty, a little Asian, African American, Native American and Caucasion in her. She kept the deep details private,and told the not-as-violent stuff. As for Tony, he looked terrible. Two black eyes, on leg broken, one arm broken, and fractured ribs. They blurred Dad's face when they found him. Even more interesting stuff. Dad was having an affair with his ex boss's wife. That's the real reason why he got fired anyway. When l went to sleep, l heard Mom raging. "You LIED to me and ABUSED YOUR OWN SON MENTALLY EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'LL DO TO TOBIAS IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO TONY! YOU HAD NO REASON TO HURT HIM AT ALL!" Dad was crying and desperately trying to apologize. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Everyone's heart was broken. Everyone, including me, blamed him or herself. Mom blamed herself for not seeing it coming, Tony blamed himself for being the victim and a horrible son and brother, Dad blamed himself for being the cause of it, and l blamed myself for getting caught in the middle. The press loved it. They felt sympathy, just like almost everyone else, but they loved the story. Tony and l stayed out of school for a week. We went to court with our parents. They were thinking about getting a divorce. The state wouldn't let Dad near us. He couldn't even hug us without people getting suspicious. For now, they were separated. Dad stayed at a hotel. l saw Tony cut himself twice. He caught me the second time. He begged me not to tell Mom. l told her anyway. "Mom." "Son." "Can l talk to you for a second?" "Sure. What's wrong?" "l...l caught Tony cutting himself twice." She sat down and kissed me. "So have you." l stared at her in surprise. "How'd you know?" "Mothers just know, son. Do you want me to enroll you two in therapy?" "If it'll help." She kissed me again and added calling a therapist on her list of things to do. Everyone tried to stay busy and things improved. Tony went out with his friends more. He rarely saw Spring. l got the feeling things were awkward between them. Mom made his curfew later, because of not only that night, but because his physical and mental health and grades were improving. Tony kept coming home at his old curfew on the dot. Mom was scared. She called a teen expert. The expert said she thought Tony felt it would happen again and that he was scared. He was. He wouldn't say why he kept coming home on the dot. His friends were also nervous. Most of them knew what had happened. Tony came home depressed one day. l was doing homework, which l had a lot of. "What's wrong?" Mom asked. "Spring broke up with me. She found out what l did to other girls in school. She's not sure if we can get back together or not. She's not sure.......and l love her so much." He sat down on the couch and broke down. Mom hugged and kissed him."She was intelligent, beautiful, and funny. She had beautiful dark hair and eyes. l liked her. Dad liked her. Tobias loved her." She winked at me. l grinned. l got the message."Have you learned your lesson?" she asked. "Yes," Tony said. He was much calmer now. The next morning, we heard the song 'Accidentally In Love'. Tony cranked it up. "I'll be a little late, l have something l've got to do." Tony said. "Hey fatso! lt's the wimp from l don't know where!" Billy shrieked. Tony started to get out of his car. "Please don't!" l begged. "He deserves it." Tony said. "l know,but he's Sophia's boyfriend!" l said.Tony got back in his car. l walked into school. "Hey wimp! Gained some weight lately?" Billy said. Just ignore him. He's trying to get under your skin. l told myself. When l saw Ruth,l was surprised. Her hair was clean. No dirt, no grease, no major split ends, it was blonder and prettier than l'd ever seen. Most of her acne was gone, she lost the glasses, and was wearing makeup. She was also hanging out with Chloe. Sophia and l waved at each other. Nina was annoyed at everybody. Logan was lovesick. So was Michael. Michael complained to me about wanting Nina back. l had to go to the South Gym for weights. Nina wore a hot pink shirt, grey shorts, and cool tennis shoes. Her hair was in a ponytail. She was beautiful. As always. When she saw me, she waved. "She's a tad more superficial than l am." Nina said. We were walking outside around her neighborhood. She was talking about a new girl from New York. "She's nice to me though. She thinks you're cute." l looked at her. "She does?" "Yeah. You truly are, Tobias." "But l'm fat." "Don't be so negative. You're not as chubby as you think, Tobias Shane Grass. You're rich,cute, and have a hot older brother. Even l kind of like Tony. Do you mind if l ask him out?" l looked at the grass. "l suppose not. But remember, he's heartbroken and he's a sophomore." "l'm not gonna ask him out now, l'll wait. Sophia's never met Tony." "That's true." "Realize. Dirty Little Secret. Shorty's Short Shorts. All those have something to do with love. Tobias, we like each other's siblings. l like your brother, you love my sister. Promise we won't let that get in the way of our friendship?" l sighed. "Promise." Nina sang a song. "Firework" by Katy Perry. "Have ever had second thoughts about getting back with your ex and forgiving them?" she asked. Her question caught me off guard. "Not really." "Okay. I'll call Mike tonight. Her sister was sitting on the porch. She'd curled her hair and wore a pretty dress. "You look beautiful," l told Sophia. She blushed. "Thanks, Tobias," she said. "Oh please," Nina said. "She's curled her hair a million times. And she bought that green dress at Victoria's Secret three weeks ago." Sophia rolled her eyes. "Tobias,"she said. She dragged me aside. "We should stay close, but not too close. l'm not sure how l feel yet." l kissed her anyway. l held her and we gazed at each other. l felt her large breasts press against mine. Her brown eyes sparkled. When we let go, Billy was standing there. His face was red. "Why are you even here? You don't belong anywhere but heck!" He grabbed Sophia's arm and kissed her. "Billy, stop...that hurts..." Sophia said. He let go. "Sorry babe." He gazed at her. "You have the same name as the Goddess...you really are one to me..." My love looked uncomfortable. l walked home. All l could think about was Sophia. l nearly ran into Mr. Johnson. He stopped for a second. "What are you doing here, Tobias?" he gasped. "l live around here. What about you?" "l also live around here." he said. He said bye and l kept walking while he kept running. l really like Mr. Johnson, he's one of my favorite teachers. He also had a body to die for. A thin tummy, large chest, muscular legs and arms. He also had short blond hair that he gelled forward or spiked sometimes. His eyes are big and brown. He waved at Nina and Sophia and kept running. My mother and Nina's mother both know him. My mother won a case for his sister. Nina's mother stalked him for a few weeks. l wondered if l needed him as my "Sexy Body" coach. My body isn't sexy at all. l weigh 220 pounds. l have a gut, embarassing legs, and heavy arms. l saw Dad's form in the house. My stomach dropped. He's not supposed to be here, l thought. What's he doing here? l walked inside. Dad turned around. "Oh Tobias! l didn't expect you back yet!" "What are you doing here?" l asked. "Packing some clothes." "Why are you in the knife drawer?" "Get my knives." he said. He got his knives and clothes, and hugged and kissed me. "l'm so sorry, l screwed this family up. This is all my fault. Son, can you ever forgive me?" "Yes." He left just as Mom was pulling in the driveway. They talked for a minute. l overheard them. "l love them, but after what l did to Tony...Anne you know what l'll do to them." "True. I have one question Joseph." "l have an answer." "Why didn't you hurt Tobias? He was a witness, but you've never struck him." "l...l don't know why..." He left. l felt depressed. Mom walked in the the house. She started to sing. "The day ain't going away..." My mother's singing is very beautiful. l went upstairs and vaccuumed my floor. l then organized my bookshelf. Science fiction there, advice and self help here. l glanced up after a while. Tony was standing there. "Where have you been?" l asked him. "At Spring's place, singing our song outside her window. Not lying." he said. "What'd you need?" "A hug and advice." "From your little brother?" "Yeah. Now l know what its like to be in love. At first l thought love was a joke. Now l know it's not." "Have...have you thought about dating your friend's sister forever?" He raised one eyebrow. "Not really. l'm a random kind of guy." He started to sing an obnoxious love song. Yeah right. Sure you are... l thought. l thought for a moment. l thought about what Nina would think. Logan would wolf whistle if he saw us together. l don't know what Michael would think. l thought about what everybody else would think. Billy would hate my guts, Ruth would hate Sophia, Chloe would look for another geek. Everybody else would think it's great. Or a joke. l know a lot of people would think we wouldn't be right together. l felt so lost, so confused. l loved her, Billy loved her, Chloe hated Sophia and loved me, Ruth hated Sophia and loved me. l knew the one person who would truly hate me was Billy. l felt like l had to protect Sophia. l heard singing outside my window as l read a book on my laptop. It was Ruth, singing an annoying love song. l glanced up at the laptop again. l realized l hadn't logged out of Guyville.com the other day. l clicked on Love Life. l saw a quiz called 'Will you get your crush?'. l clicked on it. Question: How often do you see her/him? A. Every single day B. Once a day C. Once a week D.Twice or less a week A to every single one. It said l would have her soon. Yeah, right. My entire life was messed up. l walked into the bathroom to shower. I found a lacy bra, pantyhose, stripper heels, and a box of condoms. Tony was on the shower with Sandy Slut. They were kissing. l walked out in annoyance. Not that this is the first time he's used my bathroom for sex. So l grabbed my clothes and towel and showered in his bathroom. l also used his body wash, shampoo and conditioner, cologne, and even his deodorant cake. (Nice!) So that was my little revenge for him using my bathroom for sex. Tony was waiting for his shower when l was done. "You didn't have to use my soap." he said. "l even used your deodorant cake." l told him. He squinted. "You little brat." he said. "Hey! l'm not picking up your dirty clothes!" "Yes you are." He groaned loudly. "You're also cleaning his bathroom, especially the shower and tub!" Mom called. Tony was back to himself. The only reason why was because he was lonely without Spring. He kept pictures of her in a box filled with special memories. He cooked more and we went to therapy every week. Our therapist was a chubby man with blond curly hair. If he lost several pounds, he'd be perfect. He was nice and had a neat office with pictures of his sister, mother, and fiancee. His name was Daniel Mish. He also had a cat named Lover and a dog named Torrence. As l walked into his waiting room l saw someone l used to know. Jake. He waved, and l waved back. l sat beside him. "l'm really sorry. l know how much you loved her." he said. In that instant, l realized I was over Rogue. "l'm over her," l told Jake. He nodded. "But l'm not." he said. I realized I never was meant to date her. "I don't think I was ever meant to date her." I said. He leaned on my shoulder. I rubbed his head. Some people stared at us. One guy flipped us off. Jake flipped him off back. "You are so mean to people! Why'd you flip him off?" his hot blond cheerleader girlfriend said. "l...uh..." She looked at me. "Are you friends or something more? If you are not something more, do you stand up for those specific rights? If you do, you're awesome." "l do." l said. Her boyfriend was embarassed and looked like he felt bad. Good riddens. "Grass?" Daniel Mish asked. l got up with Tony and Mom. Daniel had his glasses on today, and seemed to have a cold. He walked upright, with a little stiffness in his back. He also seemed to be sucking in his belly today. He kept letting it go and taking deep breaths. His office was a little messier than usual, and Torrence and Lover were sleeping. He had three boxes of Puffs Kleenex on his desk. He also had cough and cold medicine, some coffee, and a new picture of his fiancee. She had black hair, porcelain skin, naturally rosy lips, and wore little makeup. You could tell right off the bat that he truly loved her and wanted to be around her constantly, even though she was the receptionist and owner of a prestigous building down the street. So they were very well off. "How have you boys been?" he asked. He had a legal pad and erasable pen, and kept his laptop open. He wrote 'Tobias and Tony Grass,two depressed and troubled brothers' at the top. Tony admitted what he'd done and why. "You must really like this girl. Can you tell why you think you've fallen for her and not others?" Daniel asked. "l truly believe she's the one. She's the most beautiful girl l've ever seen in my life. She's part Mexican, part Gypsy, and part Irish. She has this amazing black hair, beautiful eyes, and pouty lips. l can't stop thinking about her...she's so different...beauty wise and personality wise. She's sweet, firm, smart, funny,dashing, charming...she should work in a Playboy mansion." Daniel narrowed his eyes. "She's that amazing! But she's not some sexy playgirlish whore, she's a cute member of the Junior Honor Society and the Fashion Beauty & Popularity Club. She volunteers at The Humane Society and donates to charity." Daniel took his glasses off and squinted through them. He cleaned one lens and put them back on. "Tony, you seem to find this girl the most beautiful thing in the world." "Hell yeah." Daniel glanced at a picture of his fiancee and got a pained look on his face. We finished earlier than usual. Daniel didn't have much advice. Lunch was shrimp and crab salad with creme brulee as a side. The drink we had besides water and wine was chocolate milk. Mom talked with Daniel over the phone in another room. Mom glanced at us once or twice. "Thank you so much, Mr. Mish. You've really helped this family." She clicked off. Sophia and Nina called me later. "What's up?" Sophia asked. "l don't know what my life is like right now, baby." l quickly covered my mouth. "It's all right, Billy just left." she said. l knew she had it on speaker so Nina could hear. But l heard Nina and Kevin arguing in the background. Something about which version of Friday The 13th was better. Nina said the newer version was better. "l'd probably better let you go. l hear breathing at another end." We both paused. Then l heard it. "Billy, get off the phone. We both hear you breathing. Maureen, why are you on?" "l can't help myself!" said an all-too familiar voice. "Okay, Little Miss Snoop. You've got the scoop, now please get off." Maureen did as Sophia asked. We all knew it was illegal in some states to listen in on a phone conversation without someone knowing. "Sorry, baby." Billy quipped. Then he got off. "l can't believe him." Sophia said. "Neither can l." l said. We said Bye l love you and got off. l couldn't believe what l saw in the mirror. Loose skin on my belly. l had finally lost a little weight, l had also been eating healthy lately and from that walk to and from Nina's house....l just couldn't believe it. l was still heavy and had a gut, but it was getting better. l imagined holding her in my arms closely. Her being able to wrap her arms around my stomach. As Jason Derulo's "Ridin Solo" played in my head, l closed my eyes and felt a moment of luxury. My stomach actually feels flat! l thought. I wasn't lying to myself. It felt good. The only thing that broke my sudden confidence and peace was Jazz pushing my door open. I quickly threw a shirt on and went downstairs. I knew she liked me and I loved her, but...Billy... I called Micheal. I didn't want to talk to Nina. I told him what was going on. "No, don't worry," he said. "Billy couldn't do anything to you because Sophia would kill him. Nina's been telling me she's interested in you. Are you two dating?" His question threw me off. "Toby?" he asked. I answered him. "I wish." I said without thinking. I also noticed the TV was on, he was eating something, and his dad was talking to him. "He's almost done, Dad. Yes I promise I'll be there in five minutes." His dad said something like Please hurry my son and walked off. Mike paused. "Mike?" I asked. "Nina forgave me. But can I forgive myself?" "You should. She loves you, Micheal." "I know." We said Goodbye and got off. The doorbell rang. A high school girl wearing a blue polo shirt and knee length skirt was at the door. She even wore pantyhose and regular high heels. "Doesn't Tony James Grass live here?" She asked, sounding nervous. "Hang on." I went into Tony's room. "Tony were you expecting anybody."He rolled over onto his stomach."No. I'm staying at Josh's later. Why?" "There's a nervous sounding girl at the door." He leaned up. "Is it Spring?" "Not even close." He got up and walked to the door. I noticed he was watching an old French romantic comedy. I smirked. I knew it was Mom's. My thoughts turned to my father. I hadn't heard from him in a while. Maybe he feels ashamed, like he's let us down, or maybe he's busy, I thought. I asked Mom about it when she passed by. Her lip quivered. Uh oh, I probably shouldn't have brought that up, I thought. "He loves you and Tony, son," she said. She walked off. "Who was that, Tony?" I asked. "She thought I would up her reputation by having sex. I don't want to live in a Playboy mansion or be in a PlayGirl magazine. I don't want to be a whore, Tobias. I still love Spring and I always will." He glanced at his old PlayBoy magazines. He grabbed a shoebox and put them in by year and month. He had just gotten another issue. "But I can't stop." he said, looking at the redhead on the cover. "She's so hot..." he said. I knew he was talking about Spring, not the redhead. But the redhead was hot too. Tony left for Josh's house an hour before dinner. He brought a few new magazines with him. He decided his reputation was at stake. Mom knew he was having a hard time without Spring. He had done it once since she left him. Mom brought up the thought of going out for dinner. I said okay, so we left soon. "Where do you want to go?" Mom asked. "It's up to you." I said. We ended up going to her favorite sports bar. A smokin hot waitress with mocha-colored skin and red lips walked up to us. She wore a skimpy outfit, fuschia tank top and light really short shorts. I caught myself checking her out. "Hello, ma'am and sir, what can I get for you?" "Cherry margarita." Mom said. "Water." I said. Oh I definitely need a cherry margarita... I thought. A hyper version of 'La Vida Loca' was playing. I recognized it as the version from Shrek. I ordered a hamburger with mushrooms. Mom ordered the same thing. We finished dinner quickly. I glanced at my stomach. It churned a little bit. Your stomach is almost always going to look fuller after you eat, I reminded myself. I decided to stretch before I went to bed. Mom paid and tipped the gorgeous waitress, and then we left. "Did you like it?" she asked. "Oh, yes," I said. She grinned. "The waitress' name was Jesse," she said. "She's really nice. And very pretty." As soon as we got home, we noticed a huge mess. "Oh my..." Mom said. We'd been attacked by a possible theif. The milk in the fridge was gone along with Mom's special cheese. Half the beef was gone. Mom's favorite fern was knocked over. Girlfriend and Jazz were outside...and we didn't let them outside before we left. I let them back in and went to check for more stolen stuff. Mom dialed 911. "Yes ma'am....our milk, cheese, and some beef was gone, and our dogs were outside...no one was home..." Or maybe somebody WAS home, I thought, seeing a familiar cell phone. Dad. I called him. I pressed speaker, while Mom listened in."Hello?" "How can you answer without your cell?" "Tobias! Son, I lost my phone two days ago. Do you know where it is? I'm using the hotel phone." I ignored the coincidence and talked to him. "It's on the floor. Dad, we got an intruder." "Oh my god! Are you all right?" "Yeah, Mom and I went to Sniper for dinner." "Where's Tony?" "At a friend's house." "What was stolen?" "Some beef, milk and cheese. Nothing else. And we've got a lot of valuable stuff." "Yeah. I promise somebody framed me,son. I have one enemy, but he wouldn't do something like that. Your mother doesn't have enemies, thank goodness. Your brother has plenty of enemies. Remember when one threw a firecracker in our yard?" "Yeah." A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. A skinny African American cop was at the door. We showed him the house, phone and fridge. He took pictures of us. He reached down to scratch Girlfriend's neck, and pulled his arm back. "What's this?" he asked. He pulled a piece of paper from under her collar. It read 'You have been on TV at least once and have and abusive father. Tony and Tobias Grass must be put out of their misery. "Could it be a woman?" I asked, noticing the neat writing. "Possible. But women tend to be more personal like 'I've been watching you' or 'I have seen you'." the cop said. He said he'll scan it for fingerprints and walked out. He took Dad's cell phone with him. I relaxed on the couch and brushed Jazz. He likes it when I brush him. For some reason, his favorite is Tony, but he loves when I and only I brush him. He won't let anyone else brush him. I was feeling content during math class. Mr. Johnson wanted us to create a poster representing pi, a.k.a., 3.14. "But it's October!" someone complained. Mr. Johnson smiled coyly. "I know, it's my job to torture you," he teased. "But Pi Day is months away!" a girl said. "I know. I want to be prepared for that. At least I'm not making you make posters for Earth Day or Valentine's Day." he said. "Can we work with a partner?" someone asked. Mr. Johnson bit his lip. You could tell he hadn't thought about that. "I suppose. You may work with one person." he said firmly. Everybody paired up. "Do you want to be my partner?" Sophia asked. My stomach twisted. "Sure." I said. "But what about Billy?" He was glaring at me and he had to pair up with Ruth. I had to bite my cheeks to keep from smiling. Sophia saw him. "He'll live." she said. She got the supplies and sat down. "Do you want to draw or write?" she asked. "Either one is fine." "Unless you object, you can write. My writing's weird." she said. You're a better drawer than I am anyway. She grinned. "Thanks." she said. I realized I said it out loud. I blushed. Billy cornered me after class. "I want you to stay away from her for a year!" he snapped. I totally lost it. "How do you know she doesn't want me? I love her so much and you're my biggest problem right now?" He raised an eyebrow. "You're obese and have a moron father and a slut for a mother." "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that, gang banging bitch!" He punched me in the gut and eye. When I walked into English, Mr. Kurl raised his eyes. "How did you get that black eye, son?" he asked. "Uh..." "Never mind. I'll take you to the nurse, sir." "What happened?" he asked. I told him what happened. "He called your mother a slut?" I nodded. "Now Tobias, listen to me. Your mother is no slut. She's a wonderful and beautiful woman, and I like her very much. I actually had a crush on her in high school." I looked at him. "You did?" He nodded. "You look like you're in you're late twenties." He grinned. "Thanks. I'm actually much older than that. I'm as old as she is." The nurse examined me closely. "He'll have to go home." was all she said. That was that. My mother was called and the nurse explained what happened. I honestly didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay and not have homework. I told Mr. Kurl this, and he chuckled. "I know son, I know you've been gone a lot lately because of injuries and problems, but you'll have to really go. You know what, I'll just make you read Hamlet. I've also got a few copies of the video, and I'll let you borrow one. I'll talk to your other teachers, see what they think." "What?" It was Mr. Johnson. When he saw my eye his mouth opened. "Good gracious, boy, what on earth...?" He let it hang. Mr. Kurl took him into the hallway to talk to him. I overheard them talking. "Billy has got to stop hurting him! What if he kills him?" "His mother told me he threw a green smokebomb into their yard while he was taking care of the plants!" "I'm worried about his self esteem and safety. He's nice, quiet, smart, and responsible, and he's pretty overweight. I like him a lot, and I don't want him to get hurt." "No one does. Someone is going to need to protect him." "But we don't want to embarass him. What we put Billy on probation for the rest of the school year without telling him?" "That's a good idea, Curtis. I'll tell his other teachers about the idea. The principal too. He needs to get involved. It's out of or hands right now. I even saw Billy push him sharply against a hand dryer right in front of me. I was done with the urinal and was washing my hands." "Here comes John and Cara right now." The science Mr. Reed and the counselor was walking toward them. The nurse made me hold an ice pack against my eye and massaged my stomach with whole milk. "You have a nice belly. Not a lot of hair." she said. "Thanks." I saw Mom talking to my teachers and counselors. Mom almost broke down even. She was really upset. "Why? Why is he torturing my son? Haven't you talked to his parents?" "We have. It's out of our hands now, Mrs. Grass. Relax, he'll be fine. His eye looks bad, but not life threatening." Mr. Johnson said. Mom really did break down. Miss Ridda rubbed her back. "We've done all we can. We've all lectured Billy at least once and have given him detention and called his parents so many times I've lost track. His parents are the type of parents who consider their child 'perfect'. I've been yelled at and told 'He wouldn't do that!' by both his father and mother. His mother even said I must be mistaken or lying. She...." She let it hang. Mom wiped a tear away. "I understand. From now on I'm going to be or have some adult near him." "Good idea, Anne." Mr. Kurl said. I didn't have much homework, since they all knew l was stressed. It took me half an hour to get everything done. I watched Jazz and Girlfriend play-wrestle. It made me want Sophia. My cell phone rang. My ringtone for Sophia's number. She slipped it into my pocket when she kissed me. I wish. I actually asked Nina for it. It was Mike Posner's "Cooler Than Me". "Hello?" I asked. "Tobias? It's Sophia." "I know." "I heard what happened. I think it's about time to break up with Billy, but I'm scared." "Why?" "Meet me at the mall today and I'll tell you." "Ok." "I'll drive you." Mom said. I blinked and blushed. I'd forgotten I still had it on speaker. "So why does she want to break up with him?" Mom asked. I gave her ten reasons why. She nodded. "I don't know why she would be scared. Billy's not harmless, but he's not....you know...." l tried to explain. "But she must be scared for a good reason." Mom said. "You never know." She waited for me in her brother's car. We walked towards the mall together. She wore skinny jeans, black flats, a white shirt, and a pretty pink scarf. Her beautiful hair was extra straight and she applied a little more makeup. I noticed that she always wore something extra and stood up a little straighter when she knew she was going to see me. We bought frozen yogurt and sat down. She told me about her relationship with Billy and why she didn't like him anymore. "Sometimes I think it's my fault," she said, tears building up. "Listen to me, Sophia. It's not your fault. He has a lot of problems with his life right now. Why else would he torture me other than the fact that I'm a dork?" I said. "Hey Tobias Grass. Sophia Martinez." We turned and saw this girl who likes to get people in trouble and cause drama with people who are on the A list or B list. She was recording us. Sophia rolled her eyes and turned back. "He knows you are attractive and that you like me. I like you too, Tobias, but....my life is just too hectic right now to break up or get another boyfriend." I kissed her hand. "I love you so much....I'll be waiting when you're ready. If I have another girlfriend by then...screw me. Literally." She giggled. "I don't know what I would do or where I would be without you, Tobias." she said. My baby winced. "I'm not sure if I can...never mind. We're both young, and super serious relationships usually start at sixteen. But people who say we don't know true love just because we're young are way wrong." I kissed her wrist. "I can't live without you, Sophia Martinez." "I know. I'm as old as Juliet and you're...what? Wasn't your birthday in July?" I nodded. I felt so content, so protective around her...an ugly fat guy with a beautiful girl...I knew that Billy couldn't kill me, because if he did, she would torture him and throw him in jail herself. People stared at us. People took pictures. We stayed a little longer than planned. She wanted a necklace and a casual dress, so I waited. And I needed boxers and jeans, so she waited while I found my size. She waited a lot shorter than I did with her. "That was short. Why do guys hate shopping?" she asked. I gave her several reasons why. She shook her head and I could tell she didn't understand them. I also noticed my shirt was getting tighter, but my jeans were looser...weird. I was losing weight in my hips, and it was all going to my tummy. We got a lovers photo because she wanted to brag to all her friends. She grinned when she saw the pictures. "You have a nice smile." she said. "Thanks. You do too." She blushed. She gave me a few pictures. I put them in my wallet. Little did I know we were being watched by an unexpected visitor. I found myself pinned against the wall. "I knew it. You're trying to steal my girlfriend you fat loser!" Billy said. "Stop it. Leave him alone, he's not doing anything." Sophia said. Billy reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pistol. That's when she started crying. "Billy....stop...leave him alone..." And the other girl was still filming. She'd been filming us the entire time. People took pictures. My body was thinking faster than my brain. I've taken self defense classes before, I just never used them. I ducked underneath his arm and pulled his arms together like he was being arrested. "What are you?!!!!!" Billy screeched. "I'm a black belt," I said. So he got arrested and banned and I got named the hero. The manager gave us a huge coupon. Seventy percent off anything we bought today or next time. "We could use you at the station, kid, but unfortunately you're too young," said the cop in charge. I ended up hating myself later. Sophia was going to be mine finally, but I hate being the center of attention sometimes. They showed everything on the news. Guess what else? Mom got called by Oprah herself. The national news got a hold of a copy. My stomach hurt every time I saw it or heard about it. Tony bragged to his friends about his brave brother, and Dad called a couple times to make sure I was okay. I wasn't, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Mom filed a lawsuit against my rival, despite my pleas. I knew she just wanted to protect me. Whenever Dad stopped by, to get some food or get something, he always checked on me. I stayed in my room most of the time, reading or sleeping or watching some cheesy love movie. Sophia and Nina called. Nina was proud of me but mad at her sister. She said she should have done something, and Sophia said that she know what to do. Besides, I had the bully under control. I told a reporter my secret over the phone. "I tightened my gut, legs hip width apart, and had my elbows propped perfectly. I let my chest breathe. My....what? My testicles? I kept them where they were..." He started to make me uncomfortable, so I ended the conversation. A woman from Marie Claire interviewed Mom. At school, I was the new hero. Sophia was the heroine. Almost everybody said something about it. Sophia was happy to brag about it, but I wasn't and no one could understand why. Glen, Mr. Reed (science), Mr. Kurl and Mr. Johnson showed the tape. I overheard Glen talking to Miss Ridda about starting a self-defense course. Which he did. God, it was so embarassing. I hated him for a while. I think he knew that. He was so proud of me. He ruffled my hair whenever I did a kick or punch right. Which was every day. Billy got put on probation by the law and school. And Ruth and Chloe were even more turned on. Ruth looked a heck of lot better. No braces, no acne, no glasses, no disgusting hair, nothing. And she wore makeup for the first time ever. "Can I sit here?" Sophia asked one day. "Of course." I said. We didn't say anything for five minutes. Suddenly she looked up. "Oh, help us, Jesus." she said. I turned around. Michael and Billy were fighting. The jocks were on one side, Billy's cronies on the other. Mr. Reed (history) was trying to keep them apart. Several other teachers yanked them apart. Mike and Billy tried to hit each other. No luck. They were taken away. Sophia and I finished eating. "I wonder whose fault it was?" she said. "Probably Billy's." I said. "True." she said. "So what do you think of the self defense class?" she asked. "I hate it honestly. Just because I saved myself from getting shot in the gut that doesn't mean everyone has to make a big deal out of it. I don't even like the girl that recorded us." I said. "No one does. She's pretty annoying and you can't trust her much. She doesn't have very many friends." she said. I gazed in her eyes. People knew we loved each other now. My stomach still twisted and my head still spinned when I saw her. "So do you want to go to the next dance if everything works out?" she asked. "Who wouldn't want to go to the next dance with you?" I asked. She turned away. "Kalonice." she muttered. "Who?" I asked. "Kalonice," she repeated. "He goes to a different school. We met on Espin, which is basically a teenage dating site. We went out on a date. He was cute, smart, funny...basically the whole package. Or so I thought. The first few months were perfect. Then something happened. He changed. I saw his true side. He'd been drinking one night. We prepared to have sex. I felt beautiful. I'd bought condoms. I'd also been drinking a little. He leaned forward and said 'Sophia, you are the most beautiful girl ever. I want to be with you. Will you go to this dance with me?' Of course I said yes. I felt like he'd asked me to marry him. And of course we were at his house and I'd met his parents and he'd met mine. My parents are always working or partying, so it was a huge deal. Suddenly I heard a noise. He told me to get under the bed. I did that, but not before kissing his beautiful curly hair. A drunk girl that reminded me of a mix between Chloe and Ruth stomped in. She shouted 'What are you doing with another girl!?' He said, 'We broke up four months ago! Get over it!' She suddenly grabbed me out from under the bed and started hitting me. He yanked her off and told her to leave. She shouted 'WE BROKE UP FOUR HOURS AGO!' and hit me again. She finally left. But I was confused. I asked him what happened, and he said he couldn't lie. He told me that he'd been dating her for two years, then lost interest because she was extremely jealous. Heck she got jealous of his cousin. He went looking for another, found me, dated me, and broke up before we went to his friend's party. He said he couldn't live without me and wanted me to be with him. I just called Kevin and left. I later heard he broke with a third girl two days later. He also went to the dance alone." She wiped at her eyes. "I felt like I'd been shot in the heart. That was the first time I'd been truly upset about a relationship. My stomach hurt like heck. Then I met Billy." she concluded. I kissed and hugged her. I felt her arms around my midsection and I felt her warmth. Her satiny shirt rubbed against my polyester shirt. Her jeans rubbed on mine. Her cotton bag rubbed on my arm. "You're so much smaller than me. SO much skinnier. And so beautiful. DON'T blame yourself for what HE did. I know how much cheating hurts. Relax, baby, relax..." We went to our next class together. The bell rang just as we sat down. "You are so lucky." Mr. Johnson warned to...a lot of people, strangely. I remembered that the music didn't play. They always play "Dancing Queen" or "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" a minute before the bell rings. It's becoming tacky, although everyone secretly likes those songs, including me. He had us finish the stupid posters. Sophia finished her drawings and glued them on. I finished the facts and glued them on. Time went by fast. People stared at us all day. Sophia reminded me that people would lose interest in a few weeks. I tried to believe her, but didn't. We hugged but didn't kiss after school.Tony teased me. "Stop it," I told. "Come on, Toby. I was just playing." To our surprise, Mom was on the phone with Dad. "He wants to take you boys out to dinner. He's going to tell you something we think you should know," she said. Tony groaned. "Come on Tony. He just wants to talk." Mom said. "Well, I don't." "It's just for an hour at the most. I'm thinking about giving him a second chance anyway." Tony went upstairs, mad. He didn't come down until the doorbell rang. I answered it. My father stood there. He hugged me tightly. "I miss you, son." "I miss you too Daddy." Dad tried to hug Tony, but Tony didn't hug back and got a creeped out look on his face. Dad looked hurt, but tried not show it. "I love you both." he said. He drove us to the new McDonald's on twenty third street. It's really cool, softer booths, one TV per booth, you get waited on, and lower prices. And FOUR drive-throughs. We chose a booth, ordered what we wanted, and relaxed. Dad looked nervous, he was biting his lip and twirling his fingers. I noticed his hair looked blonder than usual. He also had more hair in front. He didn't look forty-five years old, either. He looked thirty-five.The waiter came back with our food. "Here you are, sir." he said. gently putting down Dad's salad. He gave us our food. He had a fake smile on. I guessed he was being extra nice because we actually looked like we were well off. Which we are, but we never dress that way. Dad and Tony both wore tight flannel shirts tucked in their jeans. My red shirt looked new, because Mom became addicted to Tide. My father seemed to relax a little. "I've known your mother since she was in high school." I stared at him. "Since SHE was in high school?" Dad nodded. "I was already graduated. I was a teacher and was ten years older than her. She was a senior when l finally confessed my feelings for her." I felt my eyes go wide. "You're fifty years old?" I said. He nodded. "Please don't tell anybody. I love you both and your mother so much. I can't live without her, and l can't imagine losing my sons." Tony stared at his Big Mac. I nibbled on my chicken strip. I didn't want to believe it. But I had to. What choice did I have? "You could have told the truth from the start." Tony said, getting up. Dad asked for a box for the rest of our food. I went to the car, leaving my father with the food and payment. He came out five minutes later, holding the box in one hand, and letting the keys dangle in the other. No one spoke to him. He tried to explain things and calm us down. "I was drunk the day she found out. We had sex and married. I didn't have a choice after that. I quit my job and worked as a broker. I knew my teaching license would be provoked if my boss found out. I worked as a broker for years before I got drunk and helped my client steal money. That's why I got fired. I'm lucky I didn't go to prison. I'm really trying to find another job, boys. I don't think I'll get one soon because of my age. I've screwed up hundreds of times. Tony, son, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. Sorry I made you break up with the girl that started your...um....thing. I really did like her. But I felt that she was too pushy. Sorry I didn't listen." "Whatever. She hates me anyway." Tony growled. Dad looked hurt. Dad took a nap when we got home. Tony went into his room and I sat on the couch. "Tobias?" Mom said. "I don't want to talk. I'll probably blow up." I told her. She went upstairs and talked to Tony. I felt like crying. I just wanted my old father back. I wanted everything to be like it was when I was five. Perfect. I was skinny then and could care less about Sophia. I felt like crap. My song for Sophia played on my phone. Weezer's 'Memories'. I picked it up. "Hey babe." I said. "Hey. So did Nina tell you yet?" I felt a cold spot in my gut. "Tell me what?" "That Logan and Lindsay have been really hitting it off. People are saying that she wants him just because he's...he doesn't have many friends, let's say that....they're also saying he wants her because she's popular and theatrical...anyways she's thinking about breaking up with him and he's thinking about breaking up with her." I fell silent. "Tobias? Hon?" "Thinking, sweet." I felt confused. "How have they been hitting it off if they're going to break up?" "Lindsay told me that she truly loved Logan and thought he loved her." "He falls in love too easily." "So do you," she reminded me. "Yeah, sorry about that, baby." I wanted to kiss her suddenly. The doorbell rang. "I've got to go, babe. I'll call later, I promise." "Okay. Bye." "Bye. And Sophia?" "Hmm?" "I love you." "I love you, too." I opened the door. A tall blond woman wearing red lipstick and a navy blue business suit with camera men were there. I recognized her as Sheila Montgomery, a popular anchorwoman. "Are you Mr. Tobias Grass?" she asked, smiling. Of course she knew who I was. "Yes..." "Can we interview you? You'll be on the news tonight." I looked at my mother. She mouthed 'Your choice.' I looked back at Sheila. "Yes." I said. "Now?" she asked. "Anytime time you want, Mrs. Montgomery." "Call me Sheila." "Okay, Sheila." Mom offered cookies and crab cakes. The news people refused. Mom sat down and I straightened my shirt. "Five, four, three, two, one." "Hi and welcome to 7o'clock news tonight. I'm Sheila Montgomery here with Mr. Tobias Grass, the almost victim of the near stabbing experience. Tell me Tobias, how old are you?" "I'm fifteen." "Where do you go to school?" "Burkhard Middle School." "Why the middle school?" "Because there's too many people at the high school." "That must be...interesting." I chuckled. "Defintiely interesting." "Tell me, what made you react to Tom's attempted stabbing?" "Tom? Oh...Billy. Blond moment. I really don't know, just natural gut instinct. People don't expect a guy my size to be flexible like that." "Where did you learn such a move?" "My mother enrolled me in self defense classes when I was nine." "What did your girlfriend think?" "Sophia Martinez? She's not my girlfriend, she's my best friend's fraternal twin sister. And she was proud of me." "What about your friend? What did he think?" "She was also proud." "Who is your friend?" "Nina Martinez." "Who was taping?" I rolled my eyes. "A girl who likes to get people in trouble and cause drama. I forget her name." Total lie. They finally left. I was exhausted and hungry. Mom grabbed some meals from Wendy's. Tony and I hadn't eaten much. She asked me if I wanted the truck toy. "No thank you!" I told her. "It would make a nice present for Mark," she said. Mark is my three year old cousin. The next day, my entire family was furious. Sheila made it look like Sophia WAS MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My phone rang. Sophia. "Hey what's up babe?" "Don't call me that. I'm not your girlfriend, and never will be!" " "Wait Sophia...." She hung up. I quickly called Nina. "Okay, I know you. You would never claim somebody was your girlfriend if she wasn't. What happened?" she asked. I explained everything. What I said, and how I perceived it. "Oh. Okay. Love you, bye." "Love you too. Bye." Sophia called and texted me several times. I ignored it. We didn't talk at all. At school, I heard crying. Something pushed me to find out what it was. Guess who? Sophia. "Now I'll NEVER date him ever!!! I wish I'd listened to Tobias. I'm a horrible person." "You're not horrible." When she saw me, she got up and tried to leave. I grabbed her arm. "Sophia, wait." "Just go!!!" I ignored her for the rest of the week. She called and texted, but I still ignored her. Nina called me Saturday. "She loves you so much, Tobias." "So?" She sighed. Go onto YouTube, and type in 'Tobias Grass' Real Interview'. I did. I watched it. "So?" "Sophia saw that and felt terrible. She also knows you'd never do anything like that. She was stressed because of Billy." "So?" I still wasn't convinced. "SO Google 'Tom /Billy Paers' and look at his profiles plus his law papers." I did. I was shocked by what I saw. Next time Sophia called me, I'd answer. Nina hung up on me. I called Sophia. "Hello?" "It's me, baby. I saw his profiles. All of them. Sweetheart, I"m so sorry." Silence. I was afraid I'd lost her. "I am too." she finally said. "Don't be. I know why. Sophia, I love you...so much. I can't live without you." "Tobias, after what happened between us, we shouldn't get together. I'm going to break up with Billy and stay single for a while. Sorry." "Sophia....I...." She hung up. I knew what I had to do. I walked to her house. When she answered the door, I was shocked. She had zero makeup on and had freckles on her nose. She was still pretty, though. "I didn't know you had freckles." I said. "They're ugly, aren't they?" she said. "Ye...." Yes, I started to agree before I caught myself. I honestly thought she was cute, I just wasn't thinking clearly. She shut the door on me. "Babe...wait....I'm sorry..." Nina opened the door. "We promised we wouldn't let anything like this get in the way of our friendship." she said. She hugged me. I stayed home the next day again. My father picked up my homework. My fifty six year old father. "Son, are you okay?" "I don't know." I sniffed. My throat was sore, my nose was red, and my eyes were watering. Dad felt my forehead. He got me juice and a few movies. I did homework, watched a movie, and fell asleep. My cell phone rang while I was asleep. I woke up to Nina's voice. "Tobias, are you okay? Love ya, bye." I felt like crying. I grabbed the knife, and prepared to do it. I held the knife close to my throat. I slit both my wrists, smeared blood all over, and uncovered myself. I wanted to stab myself in the gut. "TOBIAS!!!!!!!!!!" My father ran up to me, grabbed the knife out of my hand, cutting himself in the process, and hugged me. He searched for more knives, and took away anything I could use as a weapon. Dad called Daniel, then Mom. "Anne, he tried to kill himself. Tobias. He was getting ready to stab himself in the stomach. I called Daniel. Yes, I called her. She and Sophia will stop by when he's feeling better. I called the school. Honey, we have to put him on a suicide watch. Wait.....what...no.....Tony wouldn't do that! I know, baby, I know, it was a simple matter of student and professor falling in love. Honey, I got you pregnant with Tony, then we married when he was born...I know you know that...Anne...honey...baby...babe...calm down, sweet. Calm down. I'll watch him. I promise." Dad cleaned me up with a wet rag. "Dad, was I an accident?" I asked him. He paused. "You both were, honey. Son, stop squirming. I know you're stressed out. I am, too. I've called Daniel, and he'll come over later." I had an idea. I thought it was stupid. I told Dad. He grinned. "Nice idea, son." "I swear, it was an accident." Dad looked at me. "Tobias...look at me, son. You are a smart and handsome boy. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. I'm glad I had you and Tony. Your mother once told me that now she knows what real beauty is. To her, you two are the most beautiful things on the planet. I agree with her." He kissed me. He brought me more movies and books and I watched them. Mom arrived at lunchtime. "I won another case. Want to hear about it?" "Sure." She sat cross-legged on my floor. "This woman got mad at her husband for hitting their kids. A girl your age, who goes to your school, and a boy Tony knows. The girl's name is Chloe Kink." I sat up. "Say that again." "Chloe Kink?" I nodded. "She has a huge crush on me, and dresses like a prostitute." "I'll say!" Mom said. "Anyways, and yes her mother works for a pimp. She filed divorce and abuse charges." I felt satisfied knowing part of Chloe's life. Turns out, her mother makes as much money as mine does. And of course her mother got arrested and my mother offered to take in Chloe and her brother until their grandma arrived from Texas. Their aunt lives in California, and she was arriving too. I knocked on Chloe's door. "I'm putting makeup on!!!!" she called. "Only Tobias can come in." "I am Tobias." "Then come in silly!" Chelley's 'Took The Night' was playing. Chloe was burning aloe oil and putting mascara on. "Guess what? I get to live with you until my grandma arrives, which will be in a week." "Huh? It takes two hours to get from here to Texas." "Yes, but by plane. She's driving a Chevrolet made in the fifties." "Why?" "Who knows why? Anyways, we'll be together for another week or so." I wore a flannel shirt the day the news crew was meant to arrive. I had to straighten things out with me and my love. Chloe loved it. She wore a miniskirt and a reallly tight tank top. Daniel was there. He and Dad talked. He was " the family friend". Dad offered him beer and wine. Daniel sort of flirted with my mother, so Dad tried to get revenge. Daniel drank one glass of champagne. Dad offered him really fattening food, but he politely refused. "I'm on a Nutrisystem based diet." he told Dad. "Hmmph. Is it working?" "Yes. I've lost ten pounds since I started working with your sons." I noticed Daniel's stomach had been shrinking. He grinned when he saw me. "This is a really good idea, Tobias. I would never have thought of it. Good ideas are signs of a smart mind. If I'd been going through what you are, I'd be already dead. I wasn't as strong as you are, sir. I was a nerd in middle and high school. I couldn't defend myself. I had to count on other people for that." "Thanks." "You're welcome." Dad looked at the clock. "We still have an hour. Do you want to talk to him?" "Yes." "Want me to leave?" "Yes." I talked to Daniel. He listened closely and took notes. "Tobias, I think you should talk to Sophia. She needs you now. You didn't mean to insult her." My phone vibrated. "Can I look at this?" "Yes." 'Tobias, Sophia thinks she needs laser surgery to remove her freckles. Can you talk to her? You're the reason why. Love ya, Nina.' I didn't think anything of it. My phone three minutes later. Sophia. "Did you really make out with Maureen?" she asked. This was it, I was about to lose both my love and best friend. "I can't tell a lie," I said, imitating George Washington. "Yes, babe, I did make out with Maureen. I'm so so sorry, Sophia, wait...." "Shut yourself in a locker and never climb out! I hope you break your other leg or better yet, become roadkill!!!" She hung up. "Ouch," Daniel said. I got myself together in the bathroom. Interview time! "So I am here back at Tobias' Grass' house. Tell me Tobias, why did you call us back?" "I need to point out a few mistakes. Some that I made, some that you made." "What are they, sir?" "The first mistake is yours, ma'am. You said that Sophia Martinez is my girlfriend. She's not my girlfriend at all. I want her to be, she wants to be, but she's not." "Why not?" "She has a boyfriend. Tom Paers." I suddenly realized I wasn't afraid of him anymore. "The truth is, Sophia, if you're watching this, I did make out with somebody. I won't say who on camera, that would ruin her reputation, and she's a good person. Neither of us were thinking, we were in her room, I'd been drinking fruit juice I found out is spiked. So was she. We were in her room, it was heat of the moment, and I hope you can forgive me, Sophia Martinez. I love you, I'd fight for you, and I'm sorry. I hope you find someone better than me." I kissed my finger and touched the camera. Nobody said anything. The news crew left. "So that's what happened at Maureen's. Tobias why didn't you say anything?" Mom said. "I didn't want either of us to get in trouble." I said. "What's the real reason?" my father said. "That is the real reason, Dad." Before I knew it, my lip and nose were bleeding, and I was on the floor. Daniel and Mom looked shocked. "GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE! NEVER COME BACK! I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF IF YOU DO! HE WAS TELLING THE ******* TRUTH! YOU ******* *****! YOU'VE HURT THIS FAMILY MORE THAN ONCE! FIRST TONY MULTIPLE TIMES, THEN TOBIAS!" Mom shouted a lot more good words at Dad. Daniel and Tony helped me up. Tony dotted my face with a paper towel. Daniel looked for band aids. "Band aids are in the hall closet." Tony said. Dad was crying and trying to apologize. "I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT FAKE CRAP!" When Dad tried to help me, Mom got out a gun. Dad quickly left. Mom took off her wedding ring, threw it down, and sobbed. Dad called me. I didn't answer. "Tobias, please pick up. I'm so so so sorry. Son, I love you so much. I..." Mom cut off the connection. She packed all of Dad's things in his bags, including some candles, which she normally would have stolen. She gave them to him. He tried to hug Mom, but she threatened to sue him for rape. He snuck a kiss on her cheek. She flipped him off." ******* you," she said. He hugged me and Tony. "I love you both so much, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt either of you. You two mean everything to me." "Come on, *****. Your own car is moving faster than you." Mom said. Dad and Daniel both left. Everybody wanted to be alone. I got a text from Sophia. 'We weren't truly dating anyway. I'm sorry 2. go ahead and erase my #. Love u, Sophia.' I called her. "Sophia Martinez, I love you. I love you so much. You have nothing to be sorry for." "We broke up." "What?" "Billy and I. We broke up. Or really, I broke up with him. He's nothing but trouble. And he called Nina a Mexican whore. Hey, I'm part Mexican too, and she's my sister." I didn't say anything. "Tobias?" "Babe?" She sighed."Maybe it's best if we stay...friends. You know? Like 'He's just my sister's best friend.' Or 'She's my friend's sister.' You know? Because we met through Nina, and she didn't want us dating in the first place. The only reason why she let us is because she loves us both and wants us to be happy." I sighed. "Sophia, I love you too much. I don't think I can deal with that." "Then we shouldn't be talking." She hung up. At school, I got a lot of stares. Nobody talked to me, not even my teachers. Mr. Reed pretended not to see me. Billy was even worse. He insulted me openly. No one cared. No one. Logan totally ignored me. Michael just waved. The only person who still liked me was Nina and Sophia. Even they didn't talk much. When I got home, I went to my room and sobbed. I grabbed a pocket knife and slit my own wrist. "Tobias?" I looked over and saw Daniel. "Your wrist..." He took my knife away and cleaned up my wrist. "Your mother asked me to come over every day. Tobias, I think you feel abandoned and alone. Just know this: You are not to blame for this. Everyone else in your life is. Even me. More people than you think care about you. Tell me what happened today." I told him everything. Life got worse. My grades lowered to Fs and everybody laughed with Billy. I decided that if I wasn't dead or had run away by that time, I'd move out of state. Maybe to California or Kansas. I listened to 'Clementine' every day. The girl had drowned and her boyfriend blamed himself for it. I know it's a really sad song. Exactly my point. Eventually, Daniel broke down, too. My only people I felt still cared about me was Tony and Mom. "You know Tobias, you don't know what real love is.You're just a kid. You don't know anything!" Daniel said. He got up and left. I knew what to do then. I grabbed a butcher knife and got ready for death. "Tobias, stop it!" Tony shouted. Tony and I wrestled over the knife, causing Jazz and Girlfriend to bark. Tony fell down, and I realized he'd been stabbed in the stomach. I slit my throat and fell down. It was raining hard now. All the lights went out. "Tobias, don't do this to yourself. You'll only make things worse." Tony said, looking at me and his stomach. He reached for the phone and dialed. "911, what's your emergency?" said the operator. "My brother tried to kill himself and we fought and my gut is bleeding and his throat is bleeding and we're both hurt..." "Sir, slow down. Your gut is bleeding and your brother's throat is bleeding?" "Yes, he's in worse shape than I am, just please send somebody. The address is..." I passed out at this point. I was in a peaceful place. Flowers and something soft everywhere. I saw Sophia. "I love you,Tobias. Will you marry me?" I became excited. "Yes, yes, yes yes!" I saw Billy. "I'm sorry I acted like a slut to you, Mr. Grass. Do you accept my apology, sir, and one million dollars?" "Yes!" I got a glimpse of Michael Jackson. "Young sir, you are in heaven!" he said. 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' and 'A Lover's Concerto' played. I felt pounding on my chest. I looked down and saw my body in a hospital. Coincidently, I was in the process of reading '90 Minutes In Heaven'. I realized I was dead. "Am I..." "Dead? Yes. Sir, you are literally in Heaven." I saw a familiar looking man. Long brown hair and beard, wearing a beautiful white robe. Jesus. Literally. It was Him. "Tobias Shane Grass, you are in fact dead, but it is not your time." "But what can I do? I can't go home." "Yes, you can. If you wish, go down to Earth and see what everyone else is thinking and feeling. Good luck, young sir. Enjoy your future wife now and don't plan for the future so soon. You are still young. You are still learning..." Then He disappeared. I went down to Earth. Everyone in school saw what was happening, because it was live. Those that didn't texted and called friends. Even the TV in New York. I glanced up. I realized I was in a hospital. Doctors, nurses, Mom, Dad, Daniel, and my teachers. Tony was right beside me. "Why did you do that? I was in a peaceful place. I was in Heaven. I even saw Michael Jackson and Jesus, and I think my Guardian Angel." I said. Everyone looked at each other. "Jesus said 'Enjoy your future wife, it's not your time, don't plan for the future too soon, you are still young.'" "He died." somebody said. They healed my chest. Literally took half a second. Then I woke up. Yeah, I woke up. I'd been sleeping. Mom was putting medicine on my nightstand table. "Morning, sunshine," she said. She kissed me. "I had a dream that I was dead for a couple minutes. The song "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" was playing. I really was in Heaven." "Huh." That was all she said. Huh. "Daniel would like to apologize to you, Tobias. He's just stressed because his fiancee cheated on him. He caught her in bed with his best friend. She had used him to get to him." "So Daniel really was mad at me for no reason at all?" "Toby, he's not mad at you at all. If you want, he said he'll direct you to another therapist. She's a good friend of his. She's helped all kinds of adolescents dealing with love, suicide, and divorce. Even pregnancy. She specializes in people your age, son." "I'll think about it." "Okay." I was back at school soon. Everybody called me clever and smart. Girls kept smiling at me. I asked Nina about it. She grinned. "I'm going to girl prison for telling you this, but girls like romantic, smart, friendly guys. Guys like you. That's why Sophia likes you so much. You're the opposite of you-know-who." I felt confident. I'd lost a couple pounds, too. My grades improved. My jeans felt looser. I'd lost a bunch of gut. My heart still pined for Sophia. I missed her so much. I was hanging out in Nina's room. She was putting makeup on. Bras and magazines were thrown everywhere. "Hey, do you have the third season of The Office?" she asked. "Yeah." "Can I borrow it?" "Maybe." "Okay, Toby, I have good and bad news. What do you want to hear first?" If heard the bad news first, I'd take the good news better. I told Nina this. "Bad news: Michael and I aren't dating anymore." I looked at her. "I'm so sorry. What happened?" "I couldn't let his cheating go. It's hard for me to forgive a guy who upset me. It's also hard for me to let him go." I stood up and hugged her from behind. Her nails dug into my skin. We carefully let each other go and gazed into each other's eyes. In her eyes, I saw fear, depression, and love. I wondered what she saw in mine. "I can't hold it in anymore." she said. "Tobias, I know it can never happen now, and I hope you forget that I said this. I love you. Like, love love. You." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lead her on, but I didn't want her to feel worse either. She was going through enough stress. Her relationship between her sister and I confused her and probably made her feel guilty, and she'd been cheated on by Michael, who'd been a good friend to her. Her eyes wavered. "There's a rumor going around that Maureen really likes you." she said. I opened my mouth a little. "Tell me what's happening in this love mess. I need to know." I told her. "Sophia likes you but doesn't want a relationship because of me. You are still in love with her. I love you too. Michael loves me but he cheated on me and I can't let that go. Logan and Lindsay like each other. Lindsay is totally popular, but not many people like Logan. He's a really annoying jerk sometimes, but I don't think he knows it. Billy loves Sophia and would throw a party if you got killed or anything." she bit her bottom lip. "Tobias, honey, please don't make me cry over this. Sophia broke up with Billy yesterday. She says she's happier." I felt my knees buckle. Nina caught me. She set me on her bed and pulled my shirt down. Tears began to well up in her eyes. "Please don't cry." I told her, sitting up. "Nina...I'm so sorry...don't cry..." "I should have told you earlier!" she cried. She buried her head in her pillow. "Look, I'm sorry. I'll figure out some way..." I started. She ignored me. I realized how pretty I thought she was. I pulled her close and kissed her hair. She settled down and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Nina. If I'd known.." "No, don't. I should have told you earlier. Can we just forget I ever said that?" I thought for a moment. "I don't know, Nina, honestly, I used to have a huge crush on you. I should never have started something with Sophia. I'm really sorry." She laid her head on my chest. "This is all my fault, Nina. I'm sorry. I'm really so very sorry. I wish I could change things. I'll do something. I'll go on to Espin or something. Yes, I think I could forget ever loving you. Sophia too. But the fact that I loved you both...I know it's awkward and painful. Look, if you want to talk to Tony, that's fine with me." I felt so guilty. Nina shook her head. "No, that'll make things worse. Look, we're both stressed. Should we tell Sophia?" I shook my head. "No, that'll just upset her. I'm glad she broke up with Billy, everyone is, but she doesn't need more stress. If I give you a first and final kiss, can you forgive me?" I asked her. She looked at me."I was thinking the same thing." she closed her door so Sophia wouldn't see, and she leaned forward. I wrapped my hands around her waist, felt her smoooth,soft skin beneath my hands. She was wearing a tube top. I wondered where she was going and what she was doing in that. I felt her lips brush mine. I pulled her closer. "You're a pretty sexy guy, Tobias Shane Grass, " she whispered. I felt her tongue caress my lips. I caressed hers with my tongue. I grabbed a handful of fresh tresses. I'd wanted to do this for years. Literally. And it wasn't Sophia, it was her sister, my best friend, Nina Laura Martinez. I'd loved her since preschool. Of all the people I had to fall for after her, it was her sister. I realized I could have stopped. I could have done something. I smelled her fresh lotion and perfume. Victoria's Secret Pink. I didn't want to stop. My mind cleared and I felt light and happy. My beautiful best friend could have become my girlfriend if one of us had only said something. Nina told me this after our kiss. Her kiss was amazing. She wanted me, and I wanted her more. We both knew this. We finished our kiss. I missed her lips already. She applied lipstick and wiped some lipstick off of me. Her hands wrapped around my belly. We gazed into each other's eyes. I felt safe and comfortable. I wanted to protect her. Her vanity shone bright, highlighting her face. I thought about what I was doing with Nina. Suddenly, I heard a distressed squeal. I looked up. Sophia had pryed open Nina's door with a toothpick, and had seen us kissing. Nina quickly got up. "Sophia!..." Sophia ran to her room and locked the door. "Sophia!" I cried. "Sophia, baby, please listen to me! I'm sorry!" "I was right about you! Go away, you flipping pimp!" That stung. "Sophia, please..." "It's better to leave her alone. I'll try to talk to her later. If you want, you can try to call her later. Right now, I've got to meet somebody." "Who?" I asked her. She gave me a sly grin. "You might find out later. Hopefully he'll help her get over Billy." We hugged and said good bye. I felt like Tony. Who was kissing another girl. "Do you mind?" he snapped when he saw me. I turned to the Asian girl. "Did you know he had sex with twenty girls in one night?" I asked her. "What?" she said. She turned to Tony. "Is this true?" she said. Tony said he couldn't lie, wrapped his arms even tighter around his new "girlfriend", who grabbed her purse and left. "YOU LITTLE TART! DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF!" Tony snapped. "YOU'RE THE REAL PLAYER HERE! YOU ARE THE MOST SELFISH PERSON I KNOW!" I yelled. "TONY! TOBIAS!" Mom pulled us apart. "You know what, Tobias, what you did today was pretty selfish too!" "Stay out of it! You are not involved in my love life!" I yelled at her. She looked surprised. "Maybe you don't need counseling, and should cut yourself." She said. That did it. I went to my room, grabbed my pocketknife, called Sophia and told her I loved her and I was sorry, and slit my wrists, legs, chest, back, shoulders, cheeks, nose, eyebrows, midsection, and feet and hands. I laid in bed and let myself bleed. I called everyone I knew and left messages on their machines. I told them what I'd done. I wrote a will. Books go to friends and classmates, clothes go to charity, old toys in storage go to charity, laptop goes Sophia, blankets go to Nina...I heard the door crack and Mom started talking. "Tobias, honey, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said..." she stopped and her mouth hung open when she saw me. "OH MY GOD! TOBIAS SHANE GRASS, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?" Without waiting for an answer, she called paramedics. "Yes, yes...he's covered in blood...I think he cut himself everywhere...yes...he's cut himself before..." I found myself in an ambulance, Mom sobbing and I was drifting off to sleep. Or worse. Which is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to die. I wanted death. Bright sunlight poured in. I was on a bed with an IV tube connected to me. The table had gifts and food on it. I opened the first card. Dad. It said "Hey, I just wanted you to know you're the greatest boy on the planet!!!" Below, in his handwriting, it said "Son, I'm so sorry! Your mother and I might get divorced. I used to own stocks in your and Tony's names. I sold them to a broker who sold them to Mom. When you turn 18, you'll own a million bucks! Here's some cash enclosed." An envelope had fallen out. It had two hundred dollars in it. The next one was from Mom. It said "You truly are a fantabulous boy and son! I love you!" Mom wrote "Tobias, I'm really sorry! You were right, I have nothing to do with your love life! Nina called and told me what really happened. Honey, I feel so guilty. I've called the therapist. She'll talk to you when you wake up. I also put some books you've been wanting on the table. I love you more than anything! Love Mom!" I looked at the table. I book I'd been wanting since it came out was on the table. I picked it up and flipped through it. The door opened, and a nurse appeared. He took one look at me, closed the door, and went to get my family. A rose was on the table. Several, actually. They were paper and silk. They were from girls in my class. Notes and candy were also provided. Notes like 'I'm sorry!' and 'I miss you!'. The door opened again. My mother stood there, crying. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." she whispered. "Hey, I'm fine now. I know why you said what you did." I said. "Because I'm a selfish, bitchy, horrible mother. Worst parent of the year award." she said. "No," I told her. "That wasn't your fault. I was so caught up in my own problems, I wasn't thinking about everyone else." "No...son...that's not true either. You were stressed, and people tend to make more mistakes when they're stressed. Nina called me and told me what had happened. Son, I'm really sorry. I was just so upset with your father and the court, I suppose I wasn't thinking about your feelings. Or your love life. I have nothing to do with your love life, you were right about that." If I'd made a list of days where my mother felt guilty for something she did to me, today would top the list. She offered me a present wrapped in green wrapping paper with glitter. I glanced at her and opened it. My stomach flipped with curiosity as I opened the package. It was small, it could fit in the palm of my hand. A small black box covered in velvet was within. I opened it, and my stomach dropped to the floor. A beautiful gold men's ring sat there. "Two hundred carot pure gold," Mom said, grinning. I looked at her. "Gold is worth fifteen thousand dollars today!!" I told her. She nodded. "They were having a clearance. She told me they were secretly selling pure gold for sixty dollars." I felt surprised. "That's as much an antique chair," I said. She smiled coyly. I glanced down. My stomach seemed to plump up then flatten out when I laid back. I sat up again. It rounded out again and hung out several inches. I felt embarassed and unhappy. I groaned and fell back on the bed. "What's wrong?" Mom asked. "How can somebody live with excess pudge?" I muttered. "I'm not quite understanding..." Mom said. "I'm nothing but fat! My gut is bigger than I ever thought it would be, and I wish it was gone!" Mom glanced at my gut. "Are you worried about the size of your stomach, son?" she said. "I wish it was gone." "Honey, everybody has something they don't like about themselves. Sometimes I wish I was a little more curvy. Your father wishes his penis wasn't so small. Speaking of which, how's yours?" she said. "Mine's the size of a walnut. It's a little itchy, though, and red. Red like Logan's hair. I think I need to see a doctor." "We'll get that checked out while we're here." She got me coffee, and a hamburger and french fries. I let her have the toy. I nibbled on a fry and watched the TV. Lady Gaga's newest outfit was a dress made of wood and diamonds. Weird, but interesting. Her hair was in a huge bun spiraled on top of her head, like a beehive, except this one tipped back. Red lipstick, blue eyeshadow, huge eyelashes, purple blush. Talon-like nails that could be a cat's claws. I opened another card. It was from Maureen. 'Hey you. I'm really sorry things haven't been working out for you! If you want to talk, you can call me anytime!' She'd left a lipstick mark. I touched it and wondered if she really did have a crush on me. The next one was from Chloe. She left me kisses, a photo of her kissing me, lipgloss (which Mom stole), a razor, some earrings, a certificate for fifteen percent off my next tattoo, tickets to a stripper club (which Mom stole once again), a piece of her hair, and a photo of her breasts. Ruth gave me similar stuff. Michael got me tickets to a basketball game I'd been interested in, Logan gave me a videocamera, Nina got me flowers and money, which she said was from both her and Sophia. Nina texted me and said she'd talked to Sophia. My girl said she'd talk to me, if I promised not to kiss her or Nina while she was there. She also brought her brother Kevin, who now hated me. "So you're the dude who's been confusing my sisters." was his greeting. He was tall, thin, had a flat stomach (which I was jealous of), and a buzz cut. "Yeah. I'm Tobias." I told him. He just nodded, and left the room. Sophia and Nina entered. "Hey." I said. Sophia took a stomach pill. "Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded. "Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it to tell you so much about my life." she said. "It was, baby. I wanted to know more about you and I got my wish." She looked at me like I'd asked her to shove her hair in a dirty pool filter, and I realized I'd said the wrong thing. I found myself telling her everything. Everything. She kept a firm grip on her handbag, like she was getting ready to leave. She'd dressed in a white sleeveless button down shirt with ruffles, and a pencil skirt. Her high heels were regular pumps. I soon found out why. "I have an interview with a magazine." she quickly said, and walked out. Nina stared at me. "That's what happened?" she said. I nodded. "Tobias..." her voice trailed off. I knew I had screwed up. I made mistakes. I got out my laptop and came up with an idea: Relationship Mistakes Blog. It would be a blog for guys to write down thier mistakes in crushes and relationships. They could give each other advice, support, ask questions, and love. I told Nina about my idea. Her eyes lit up. "That gives me an idea!" she said. "Okay, you know Sophia, Maureen and I own that one website for girls, right?" "Yeah?" "We could support it off of there! I'll need a hundred bucks, though." I reached into my wallet. "Tobias, you don't have to do anything. Besides, you just got some money." I gave her a hundred dollar bill that had been in my wallet for years. She set it on my stomach. I gave it back to her. "Take it. You'll need it." I told her. I called Sophia twice and texted her five times. I checked my phone every two minutes. I wanted to know that she trusted and loved me. But no, I'd lost both. I had to open my fat mouth and kiss Nina. I wanted to forget it all happened. I wanted to change time. My theory about time was, that the time machine had in fact been invented, the government didn't want us to know about it. My heart broke. I knew I'd lost her. I put on Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On'. I suddenly wanted to see Titanic. I asked Mom if we had it. She said yes. She'd even brought it. I started it where Rose was saving her boyfriend. I ate until I was stuffed. I ate nothing but junk and fast food. My mother told me my stomach would explode if I wasn't careful. She left and I continued to open cards and gifts. A notebook from the science Mr. Reed. My other one was almost full. A rose from the history Mr. Reed, which I found odd. Mr. Johnson gave me a ruler and a protractor. His card said 'I'm sorry you don't feel good kid. Keep up the good work!' I felt like crying. I put the stuff down, and sobbed. I thought about Nina, Sophia, Chloe, Ruth, Maureen, Logan, Michael, David, all of them. I eventually fell asleep. When I woke up, a hot breakfast was waiting beside me and another table with books and a box was waiting. I felt confused. I grasped the box and opened it. Inside was money. Thousands of dollars. I texted Nina. She told me that my idea had been summoned and already it was as big as YouTube or Facebook. She told me to create a Twitter account and if I needed to, call a broker. Or therapist. I felt my stomach give a loud growl. I felt it vibrate with hunger and protest. I looked at breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, milk, juice. I didn't want any of it. I shoved it away. "Why aren't you eating?" my nurse, his name was Mitch Cline, said. "I don't want it." "Why? Are you not hungry?" "No, I'm a fat guy and I need my girl." He raised one eyebrow. "Do you want me to get you something healthier?" "I don't want food." "Tobias, you need to eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." "All right, something better." He took the plate away, muttering "Stubborn kid. Well, I should be a little nice to him. Just because my wife cheated on me doesn't mean I should make his love life worse." He had curly hair, big blue eyes, a little tubby, and wore green scrubs. He brought me a fresh NutriGrain Bar, and some milk. "Hey, sorry for being rude. My wife cheated on me." "Okay. I'm sorry too." "Eh, she's a real bitch anyway. Calls me names, chokes my dog, and throws stuff." "Oh, why don't you leave her?" "I will. She's a little possessive, too." "Okay." "RIng this if you need anything." He gave me a bell. Not like a cowbell, like a buzzer. "It's technically attached to a button on my shirt. And if there's a real emergency, like if you're choking or having a seizure, pull this." He showed me a red rope. "Uh, I think that's it. Do you need anything else?" "No, I'm fine." "All right then. See ya." "See ya." He left the room. I texted my mother. 'How long do I have 2 stay here?' Didn't take long for her to answer. 'Until all your wounds heal enough for u to leave.' 'Tht could take days!' 'The longest ur staying here is three days. Ur father and I will still work and go home. Btw, ur brother got his appendix taken out. He had appendictis.' 'Oh. How will school happen?' 'Your teachers will send your homework there. Btw, ur history teacher Mr. Reed sent multicolored roses. Tht was nice. U shold thank him.' 'Yea I shold.' I saw Nina an hour later. Sophia was with her. I wanted to kiss her, but she wouldn't stand more than a foot away. "I'm sorry!" I said. "Not until you explain what happened and why." she told me. I gazed at her dress. Her hair was wavy and she wore the green dress I'd liked. "I thought I could trust you. I even broke up with my boyfriend for you!" She made me angry, despite her beauty. "That's not the reason you broke up with him!" She looked shocked. "You broke up with him because he did pot! You broke up with because he was obsessed with you! You broke up with him because he was in a dangerous gang! You broke up with him because he wanted to have sex! You weren't ready because of Kalonice...!" Tears spilled over her cheeks and she ran out of the room. Nina went after her. I realized this time I really had lost her. I wanted to go after her. I wanted to apologize and kiss and hold her. I turned away from the door. "You're laying on your IV arm," Mitch said. "I know." I said. "Well stop. You're going to make yourself bleed." He said. He turned me over, and squinted at me. "What?" I asked, annoyed. "Oh my god." was all he said. He came in right after, dragging a beautiful blond doctor with him. "...he's got all the signs of it, his heart rate is fine, he's depressed, he tried to kill himself..." The doctor turned on a flashlight and shined in my eyes. "What's going on?" I asked. "His temperature seems fine, he's a little pale, his lips are dry. He needs chapstick. Right now." she turned to Mitch, who opened a drawer and produced LipSmackers. I shook my head. He smirked. "Son, you need it. Lick your lips." I licked them. They were chapped. "What flavor is it?" "Strawberry." I smoothed it on my lips and felt the flavor come off. "Tobias?" "Hmm?" "We'll need to run some tests." "Why?" "We think you might have a rare disease. It's psychological, it penetrates your mind. It has to do with unbearable love." My stomach flipped. They called my mother and father. My father was at Burger King, where he was working until he found a real job. They agreed to fill out some paperwork, but no one would tell me what they thought I had. "No, it'll embarass him." my mother told Mitch. "Will somebody just tell me what I have!" I was becoming desperate. Mitch finally told me after Mom left the hospital two hours later. "Tobias, we think you have..." he gulped. "...Obsessed Ex Syndrome." I was shocked. "But I never really dated her! How can I have that?" His eyes got big. "Who is she?" I realized I'd said too much. "Sophia Martinez." "The girl who was crying?" "Yes." "Tobias, listen to me carefully. This is a serious condition. It leads to stalking, and sometimes murder. The 'husband kills wife' stories you hear, they are almost always actually divorced or separated. Does your mother know you like this girl?" I gulped. "Mom, Dad, Tony." "I'll be back." He came back in exactly five minutes. I felt like I had to call Michael. But he'd dated Nina. Would he even like me anymore? Besides Logan, who is a complete jerk and a total idiot who says whatever's on his mind, Michael is my closest guy friend. I know enough about him to know that his father suffers from obesity, and it used to be worse, and his mother bakes spinach brownies, and she was hot in high school, and when Michael's brother broke his leg, he spoke Greek so nobody except his father could understand him. "You'll need real counseling and other things to get over this girl," Mitch told me. I didn't say anything. He shuffled some papers and organized them on the floor cabinet. "All right, I'll let you go. If you get hungry or want a snack, buzzer me. If I'm not working I'll be there soon." "Uh, Mitch?" "Yes?" "I'm starving right now." It was a white lie, of course. And he knew it. "You're a predictable guy, Tobias. What do you want?" "Something fried or chocolatey." "All right. See ya." "See ya." He came back with chocolate milk and chicken strips and fries from McDonald's. I nibbled on them. I watched a movie I'd never seen, but it had been advertised. I hated my body. That's all I thought. All I was thinking. Maybe if I got a new body and became a huge deal wrestler, Sophia would want me back. "That's superficial thinking, Tobias Grass. What women really want is a nice personality. My wife didn't care that I was fat. I'm still fat today, but even more so two years ago. What you need, sir, is some sort of book that tells boys what girls really want." I suddenly remembered the book. "There's one in my room, actually. It's on my desk. It's called What Girls Really Want, A Guys Guide To Girls." He nodded. "I'll talk to your mother. In the meantime, why don't you rest a little bit. You'll need it when you go back to school. Your bully is in bigger trouble than he ever imagined, and he knows it. Your principal and one of your teachers, Mr. Reed, the one in your history class, would like to talk to you about it. See you next time." By now, it was way past lunch, and I was starving. I buzzed Mitch. He opened the door. "Yes Tobias?" "I would really appreciate if you brought me some food. And can you please close the curtains?" He closed them. "Tobias, I'm well aware that you're hungry. Your hunger may be even greater for love than food soon. You may wish to stay away from your friend and her sister." I felt like he'd shot me in the heart. I quietly nibbled from the chips he'd brought me. I was getting more food and gifts and cards. I secretly felt flattered, but I wanted to get out of the hospital. Mom had made a box for the cards and gifts. She had already made boxes for cards for the family, 'for later memories.' She brought it over. I wanted to die again. I wanted to grab the nearest knife and get it over with. I fell asleep wishing for either a knife or a time machine. I fell asleep crying. When I woke up, I looked at the clock. I'd slept until ten, and fallen asleep at four. I was depressed and exhausted. I didn't want to admit it, though. I missed Sophia. I missed Nina. I missed everybody. I pressed the buzzer. He didn't come until two hours later. "Sorry, I was helping with an operation on a man who needed liposuction." "I need that, too. Maybe everybody will like me then." "Don't be so negative. Look, I'll bring you food. What do you want?" "Something full of fat and grease. What's the use of trying?" He narrowed his eyebrows. School wasn't that bad. My teachers either sent me homework or gave me an A. My dreams were plenty vivid. I was either running from Billy or kissing Sophia mostly. I didn't like either of those dreams. Sometimes Maureen would tell me she still loved me and had since preschool. I told her I didn't love her, and she would cry. Her hair become so blonde it blocked out the sun. Sun was always gone. Not the sun sun, a classmate named Sun. He would come back with a broken wrist, arms, legs, neck, etc. I knew everyone would stare at me when I got back to school. I decided to ignore them. If anyone else bullies me, whatever. I'd been pushed, shoved, kicked, punched, almost stabbed, and totally beaten by the same guy who secretly ate paste mixed with grass in grade school. I realized suddenly just how pathetic he was, and how pathetic I'd been. I'd been afraid of him for two years, and it escalated. First it started with the teasing, 'Look at Mr. Fatty', then went to punching and kicking me, and all I'd done was cry in secret. By now everybody knew he was bullying me. I knew he had to stop. But the only person who could really make him stop, was me. I needed him to stop now. I spent five minutes thinking. Then Mitch came in. I'd already decided what to say to Billy. He'd heard my voice before, but I'd begged him to stop, not told him! "Please don't hurt me!" "Why do you do this to me?" All his answers were "Because you're a fat nerd!!" and then he'd hit me again. He'd gotten detention so many times, just for beating me up, it was stupid. And I'd missed so much school because of him, it was ridiculous. Then I realized why Mom and Dad let me stay home after a supposed tornado hit. They wanted me to stay away from him. Mitch handed me a cheeseburger. "Are you all right, Tobias?" He felt my forehead. "You've got a fever. I'll bring some juice and ice." He brought some orange juice and ice. Tell me if you need anything else." he said. He walked out of the room.My mother visited me. I wasn't able to take a shower, but they did leave me a wet washcloth. And Mom had brought me new cologne. I quickly dotted my face, chest, stomach, and arms. I sprayed on cologne. I combed my hair. I looked in the mirror and winced. Had it gotten blonder? I had used some new hair gel Tony had bought for me. I looked at the label. It said 'Warning! May turn brown hair blonde, and blonde hair lighter.' Mom was not happy. She called Tony after she noticed my new hair color. She took the gel. "It turned his hair lighter, honey. It even says on the label it may turn blonde hair lighter. All right, it's too late now anyway. We can dye his hair..." "No!" She looked at me. "Do you remember the time my hair turned green after I got out of the pool? You insisted I dye it, so you took me to this guy who was flirting with me and wasn't paying attention. He used the wrong dye, and it turned my hair purple! It slowly faded to pink. Dad had to buy a wig. It was so embarassing." I blushed at the memory. People took pictures of my hair. And of me. My hair was longer then, so we cut it anyway. "Do you want to leave it alone?" Mom asked. "Yes. I'll just wash it. No more hair dye." She looked at the gel. "Do you want to toss or save this?" An idea slowly formed in my mind. "I'll save that, actually. Trust me, he'll wish he'd read the label." My mother smiled. "I didn't know you could be so bad. You're a really good kid, Tobias." I blushed. I wanted to see Sophia. I called her several times. "Wait for her to come to you," Mom said. "Or if she doesn't, you'll have to admit that maybe you weren't supposed to date. If she wants to stay friends, stay friends. If she..." "WILL YOU STOP THAT ALREADY!!" My mother looked shocked. "Tobias...I was just trying to help.." "Well, stop! I already know all this stuff! I don't need a reminder that she might never want to speak to me again!" Mom didn't give me any more advice after I said that. Mitch pulled the IV out of my arm. it was time for me to leave. I left with a heavy heart, knowing I'd lost Sophia. I went to my room. I cleaned out my backpack. Textbooks, gum wrapper, pencils, pen, glue, scissors, notebooks, folders, binder. I organized it starting with my heavist textbook. I walked through the halls. Cleaning my backpack was worth it. My back felt much better. I heard whispers and occasional snickering. Like I'd planned, I ignored them. Grandma was right when she said that ignoring the gossipers and bullies is a sign of strength. I opened my locker, and found an envelope. All it said was 'Tobias Grass. If you are not him, give this to him.' I was him. I opened it up. It had a number and it said 'If you ever need something, call me!'. The number was 785-170-4389. I put it in my cell, and put my books away. I'd ruined my reputation in less than a week. Michael wasn't speaking to me. Duh, I'd kissed his ex. "So Tobias..." I felt soft fingers with talon-like nails scraping the back of my neck. "Tell me why you kissed her when you were meant to kiss me." I turned around and faced Chloe. I decided to be honest and direct. "Chloe, I'm not interested in you. I'm not ready for a relationship, and I wasn't ready when I kissed Sophia. Or Nina." I was being taped and watched, but I pretended not to care. "Did you give me this?" I asked, even though it was a stupid question. Chloe has nice handwriting, and this was definitely a guy's handwriting. "Hell no." she said as she walked away. I wrote down who it could be. It wasn't Nina or Sophia. It would be Ruth, Maureen, or a secret admirer. I wrote down who all it could be. Who It Could Be Ruth Maureen Mr. Reed? (History) Mia Flinder (Shy Girl Who Giggles Around Boys) Bella Flinder (Mia's Sister Who Copies Her) I knew it could be anyone else. I went to my first class. Mr. Kurl was surprised to see me. "School hasn't even begun yet, Tobias." "I don't have anywhere else to go." "I understand." he said. As he wrote the assignment on the board, I opened up my planner. I'd missed enough school that I couldn't afford to miss another day or assignment. I figured I might as well get caught up. I wrote the number down. "How'd you get that number?" Mr. Kurl asked, leaning over my desk. "I found it in my locker," I told him truthfully. He blinked and sucked in his stomach for a second. "That's a teacher's number." he said. I looked up at him. "That's...awkward." I said. "You being fat or in the hospital?" Billy sneered. Mr. Kurl shot him a look. "I'll talk to him. Don't call him." "Okay." My stomach got a cramp. I'd eaten so much junk lately, my stomach couldn't handle it. I listened to Mr. Kurl's lecture carefully. "What does it usually mean when somebody has jet-black eyes like an alien?" "They have no soul." somebody said. "That's right, they have no soul, they don't care. This guy's spent so much time alone hunting animals, he turned to murder." We continued to read the story, and Mr.Kurl passed out a worksheet about the story. My stomach lurched. He'd given hard questions. On top of it, he wouldn't let us use the story. "What is this, a memory test?" someone mumbled. Mr. Kurl grinned. "Somewhat. I want to see how much you remember from reading short stories." "We've all read Clifford The Big Red Dog," someone else muttered. "How much do you remember?" Mr. Kurl said. "That's what I thought." I turned mine in. "Tobias, wait." "Is there a problem?" "Yes. Did you copy off someone?" I blinked. "No. Why would I copy off someone?" "Yours looks exactly like Billy's." "Well, maybe we got the same answers." "I don't believe you. Go to the office." I grabbed my stuff and left. I figured maybe he was having a bad morning. As I passed Nina's locker, I heard my name being called. "Tobias, wait. I remembered how untruthful Billy is and how often you've lied. And I caught Billy copying someone else. I apologize. I went over your work and gave you an A+. Not because I feel bad, well, partially, but mainly because you deserve it. The other person got a B and Billy got an F. Come on." Mr. Kurl escorted me back to the classroom. Mr. Kurl tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Tom, this isn't funny." He knocked on the door. "Whatever, losers!" said a familiar voice. "What is going on?" the principal, Mr. Vere, said. He's black and looks a lot like Michael Jordan. Mr. Kurl told him what happened. Mr. Vere pounded on the door. "Tom, if you open this door now, it won't go on your record." I saw his fingers crossed behind his back. Mr. Vere was used to seeing Billy, and just about had enough of him. The resource officer, Officer Veronica Johnson, was walking down the other hallway. "What's going on?" she asked. "Tom won't let us in." Mr. Vere said. Officer Johnson called the janitor. He tried, but even he couldn't open the door. Other teachers and secretaries came over. The cops were called. "Tom, if you open this door right now, we won't have any problems." a hot cop said. Billy peeked through. "You're hot but you're a cop!" he sang. Everyone inside the room giggled. "Tobias?" a cop said. "Yes?" I looked at him. Then I realized what he wanted. "Oh, lord." I cussed. I kicked the door and it fell off it's hinges. The cops arrested Billy. Billy looked at me with hatred. I walked into the room. Everybody looked impressed. I got to go to my other class early. I stopped Michael when he came out of his class. He tried to ignore me. "All right, I'll tell you anyway. I honestly thought Sophia wouldn't find out. I used to like Nina, and she likes me. Neither one of us thought you would figure it out." "I'm not stupid." he muttered as he got his science book out. "I know. You're a pretty smart guy. Look, neither one of us meant to hurt you." "Nina asked me out yesterday. She wanted to get back together. I told her to shut up, called her ugly, and said 'I hope I never see your fat ass ever again.' I regret it now. I think I know what happened. It was meant to be a quick kiss. I felt so bad for cheating on Nina, especially since we were friends. Then you kissed her and she and Sophia found out you liked both of them. They got upset. Nina even erased your number. Sophia did, too." My heart fell into a million pieces when he said this. "Nina said 'Michael, do you want to get back together? Britney Spears is in town this week with Enimem.' I said what I said. Tobias, I'd be with her now if I'd been thinking. I would have called you, but you know how jealous I get. I erased her number right there, and she ran off crying. Sophia called me two-faced, heartless, bastard, idiot, controlling, jealous, and totally uncool. In that order. I had had a great thing with Nina. I screwed up, and she forgave me. I screwed up again, now she's erased my number and not talking or texting me. She tried to explain things. I wouldn't listen." "Why are you listening now?" He grinned. "Because you're persistent and hard to ignore. Are we bros again?" "Yeah." We did the guy hug/handshake. "Question: Can you help me with Nina?" he asked. "I wish I could. She's not talking to me, either. I made Sophia cry." "What did you do?" "I'll explain later." I heard a loud slam. "The cops let Billy go." Michael muttered. My stomach felt queasy. "You will always be mine!" he shouted in her face. She was crying. I felt jealousy and courage working it's way into my heart. I walked over there. Michael followed me. "Get off of her! You just want somebody to love you because you're so insecure." He glared at me. "Oh, I'm the insecure one? Look in the mirror, Pudgy!" Some people laughed. Michael glared at them. David approached Billy. "You know what, Thomas? The only one who's showing real courage is Tobias! He's gone through so much, I'd be dead by now, but he's still alive. That means he's strong. He's much stronger than you've ever been!" Billy punched David in the gut so hard, he sent him across the room. I felt one going for my gut. I ducked. Billy punched a locker instead. When he went for me again, I grabbed his arm and held him in a half nelson until Officer Johnson arrived. I looked around the room.Most people were looking at me. Most had surprise and/or gratitude on their faces. Sophia fell. I grabbed her. She was out cold. I gave her a kiss on the lips. Nothing. The nurse and Mr.Kurl carried her to the nurse's room. My already broken heart broke a little more. Nina sent me a text. 'Thx 4 saving my sis' 'Will you forgive me? I'm sorry. I'm so sry. I truly am.' No text back. When I walked into science later that day, Mr. Reed bent over my desk. "I'm proud of you. You showed courage and finally stood up to him, and saved somebody else." "But I still don't have my best friend or a girlfriend." "They'll forgive you in time. Let them cool off, then explain what happened. Nobody really knows or can explain in better detail than you can. You are the only one who can explain everything." He ruffled my hair. I sat down on the benches after school again. Sophia sat opposite of me. She had a black eye. We ignored each other. Well, she did. "Sophia, I'm sorry." When I tried to explain what had happened between us, she put in her iPod. Tony pulled up. "Good bye." I said. Deep inside, I knew it would be the last thing I ever said to her. I felt like crying. Not in front of my brother. "Tobias, I said I'm sorry. You said you were sorry, and I forgave you. My girlfriend at the time won't speak to me anymore, but I found out she had two boyfriends at the time. Tobias?" I wiped a tear away. Tony didn't say anything else. I laid in bed and cried. I missed Sophia and Nina so much. I would keep their numbers forever, but I would never speak to them again. I eventually fell asleep, and woke up to fresh bacon frying. I realized I'd overslept a little bit. I saw a note from Dad. 'Hey son. School is canceled because of yesterday. I'm proud of you. They even showed it on the news, and your mother asked for a copy. Bacon and pancakes downstairs, blueberry and chocolate chip. Out of all the people I know, you deserve it the most. I went to a job interview. I'll be back at ten or later. Love you.' I borrowed Tony's robe, and went downstairs. I nibbled on a chocolate chip pancake. It reminded me of Nina's lip gloss when we had kissed. After breakfast, I turned on my bath. I laid in the hot bubbles. My cell phone vibrated. 'You should have stayed dead. You died legally for four seconds. Go ahead, kill urself again.' I sent it to Dad, and said 'This got sent to me.' He didn't respond. He got back at ten, like he promised. "Tobias, let me see the text." I gave him my phone. "I used to be a teacher at your school." he mumbled, staring at my phone. "Bullying wasn't nearly as bad as this. Personally, I think your bully's parents don't care. Or act like he's perfect. I've dealt with both types of parents. The first is the hardest to get through. I'll call your principal and file a complaint." He saved the text. He popped in a movie. The third Harry Potter. "It's all my fault." I muttered. "No, it's not." my father kissed my head. "Don't ever think that you are to blame for this. It's really partially my fault. Your mother and I have known about this ever since the first push. I really wish we would have done something, then it wouldn't have gotten so out of control." "Dad, how old are you?" He looked at me. "I'm fifty six years old, son." he said. "I'm about a decade older than your mother. Tobias, I love you more than anything. If I had lost you, I don't know what I would have done. I'd have lost another kid." "Another?" I asked. "Yes, honey. You had a sister. She would be two years older than Tony. She died after you were born. Her name was Teresa. Man, she loved you. She was always trying to play with you. If you want, I have some pictures." "Yeah." He got out old albums. There was pictures. There was one with Dad without his shirt on, and I was on my stomach on his stomach. A little girl with brunette hair was beside us. She had a Barbie doll. I leaned on my father, and stared at the pictures. There was one where she was carrying a specific brown purse Mom never uses and keeps in a clear plastic tub filled with old toys. My sister was very young when she died. Dad said I was four months. She had been playing in the street, and a drunk driver ran her over. That's when Mom became a lawyer, because she wanted her money. Unfortunately, she couldn't do it. She did hire a good lawyer, though. "That's why Mom works on child cases and why she works so hard?" I asked. "Yes." Dad said. I leaned on him and watched The Prisoner Of Azkaban. I didn't want to think about Sophia or Nina. Instead I thought about Billy and what would happen to him. He'd be in trouble. For hurting me. How many other people had he hurt? He'd shoved Sophia against metal and made her cry. He'd punched David in the stomach. The only reason why David and I texted each other (We had nothing in common, we wouldn't have met except probably through Nina), was because he'd saved my head once. I had been waiting for Tony, then some muggers came along and almost killed me. I'd forgotten my wallet, and left my phone in my locker by accident, which I don't do anymore. David had snapped a picture of them from a distance, and threatened to call the cops if they did anything to me. He also pretended to have a pocketknife. The muggers were stupid, two of them had knives. After that, I owed him my life. Dad stretched and went into the kitchen for a beer. "Do you want anything, son?" "Do we have anything chocolate in there?" "You go after chocolate like a woman! Yes, your mother has a 'secret stash' hidden in the cabinet." "Don't tell him that!" Mom said, coming in. "Well?" Dad asked. Mom ushered him into the extra bedroom. They think it's soundproof, but it's not. "Tom Paers is going to find his dumb butt in jail soon. He pushed Sophia and threatened her, threatened Michael, gave Logan McCree, Tobias' friend, a broken nose. He's also punched David Finn in the belly so hard it threw him across the hall, threatened some geek Tobias' age, (wow, Mom) broken into a soda machine, stole roses from a floral shop and gave them to Sophia, and he's also threatened and hit somebody from another school. His parents are going to find a huge bill in their mailbox some day. The flowers cost two dollars, the soda machine is repaired, but it cost two hundred dollars to get it fixed, and Logan's mom is threatening a lawsuit. " I texted Logan. 'When did Billy The Bum/Bear break your nose?' 'Yesterday, wen he hit David and pushed Sophia. Lindsays pissed at me.' 'Y?' 'She thinks i told hur ex tht i wanted 2 stab him.he said thts not it. this girl told him she wanted 2 reach down Linds throat and pull her heart out.' 'Wow! Y wood she say tht, Linds is really sweet and funny.' 'Aparently its a case of jelousy.The otha girl is none other then Maureen herself. We all like her, but she gets jelous. the boi is her ex 2, but Linds didn't kno it.wat confuses me is tht Maureen dosnt like me & shes dating Rick, the guy from CHS. our schol is big, but news spreads fast. Somebody told me u and Nina got into a fite.' My heart broke at this reminder. 'Yea, dont worry bout it, ill tell ya later. I gtg.' 'K. see ya hot stuff.' I rolled my eyes. "Whaddup with the eye ceiling thing?" Whenever somebody rolls their eyes, my brother refers to it as 'the eye ceiling thing'. "Logan called me hot stuff." "Oh. The dork owes me cash." "What? Oh, the bet? Actually, you owe him money." Tony did 'the eye ceiling thing'. Much to my amusement, he walked over to the computer and typed 'How To Get Your Exgirlfriend back.' I wanted to type the same, though we really hadn't dated. I walked into my room and called her. "What?" she said, sounding sleepy. "Sophia, I have to tell you the truth. I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have kissed your sister. Truth is, I used to have a crush on her." "Is that why you told me you loved me? Why did you fall for me?" "No and I couldn't control it. Sophia, you're beautiful." "So is Nin." "I know. Sophia, I'm really sorry. Meet me at Regents Park and I'll explain everything." "Whatevs. This had better be good. Otherwise, I'm signing up for Match.com or VampireFreaks.com." "Vampire Freaks?" "It's a dating and friend site for goths, trenchies, emos, punks, whatever." "I'll be there. I promise with all my heart." "Cheesy. But classic. Total PlayBoy sentence. See ya, dork." I felt stung at her last sentence. I loved this girl, and she called me a dork. I went to Regents Park, which I didn't live far from. I told Tony where I was going, and left. It was chilly, so I brought my leather jacket. I managed to get there. I saw Mr. Johnson jogging again. He saw me and waved. I waved back. His tank top was even tighter. Now you could see the shape of his abs. He had a ten pack. His iPod was plugged in his ears, and a lot of the moms and girls noticed him. I saw Spring. She was with a guy with blond hair, a leather jacket, and he had a ponytail. I knew Tony would be jealous. She saw me but she ignored me. I wondered what Tony had done exactly. I'd find out later. Meanwhile, I saw her across the grass. She was wearing a blue t-shirt with a strip of camisole showing. She wore sweatpants from Victoria's Secret and mocassins. Her hair was loose and flowing, and her makeup was natural. I tried to kiss her but she pushed me away. "After you explain and after I think it's worth it." "Sophia, I did have a crush on Nina. But that was years ago. Like in third grade. We've kissed before, but we were playing a game." "So you told me you loved me to get to my sister?" "No, we were playing Truth Or Dare. And that was last year." "Tobias, I had a crush on you last year." "You did?" "Yes. How long have you been crushing on me?" "Since this year." She got up and left. "Sophia...wait!" "It's not worth it!" she called over her shoulder. My heart broken and my attempt failed, I went home immediately. Dad had stopped by McDonald's for lunch. I sat down and nibbled on a fry. "Are you all right, son?" Dad asked. "I tried to talk to Sophia. She won't listen." "Give her time, honey. She'll forgive you eventually." My heart would never recover from this, I knew. I thought about what would happen if I'd never kissed her that fateful day. Maybe this was fate. I'd sworn I'd never fall in true love again after what happened with Rogue. I realized I was over Rogue. But was Jake, my ex-best friend, the one I'd told all my secrets to? I did see him occasionally. He'd given me his new number. I texted him quickly. 'R u over Rogue?' 'U total geek. Of course not! was it worth losing you only to be dumped by her a year later for some model with a six pack? No. i missed u more than i realized. i kno i sound girly. but its truth. btw, i'm the one who put tht note in ur locker. hes my uncle, they both r. they have another brother whos my real dad. anotha reason y they like u.specially Matt, ur history teacher. he picks me up and drops me off home. & yea, hes gay. every1 talks bout it. u look a lot like his old boyfriend who died a few years ago. thts y he likes u best. sides me.' I felt sorry for Mr. Kurl. He'd lost someone he loved. Who looked like me. Jake sent me a picture. It was my teacher, leaning on someone's shoulder. This guy was tall, a little chubby, had long blond hair, big brown eyes, everything. He really did look like me. No wonder. I stared at the ceiling, wishing for a miracle. A love expert. One clue, one piece of advice. I thought back through the last few weeks. Nothing. I stared at the stupid book, What Girls Really Want: A Guy's Guide To Girls. Had Tony given me it? Had Dad or Mom thought it was mine? I decided to figure that out. I went to Tony's room. "What?" he asked. He was totally naked, except for Joe Boxers. I could seeing he'd been stuffing himself with junk food since Spring broke up with him.” Is this yours?" I asked, holding up the book. He squinted at it. "Used to be. I finished it a few weeks ago. I thought you might want it. FYI, your shirt is on backward." I looked down and realized he wasn't kidding. I switched it around. The relationship between Tony and I hadn't been the greatest lately. Was he still mad at me for ruining his kiss-session? If he was, he wouldn't have told me my shirt was on backward. He'd been spending a lot of time in his room lately, reading or watching TV. His futon was dirty and full of food crumbs. A soda had been spilled on his carpet. Mom and Dad were worried about him. Tony had forgiven Dad a long time ago, and so had I. Dad was in therapy and would talk to Mom if something was bothering him. I felt hopeless. I felt like nothing could help me now. I’d screwed up my whole love life. Dad was married and loved my mother more than words could say, but he’d lost her trust. She still loved him, but she was unsure if she could trust him. She was working a lot to keep her mind off things. Dad missed her. She walked in now, looking exhausted. “Honey, I want to talk to you. Tobias, come here.” Dad said. Dad showed her the text I’d gotten. She looked at him. “Will you talk to someone?” “Of course. He is our son.” Mom did a double take. “Joseph...” “Baby, I’ve realized something.” He took her hand and kissed it and touched his face with it. “I know it’s our boys. We both made them. I won’t let another child die, even if I have to die myself. I tried to imagine a life without them at all, but I can’t. The time I spent away from them was hell. I couldn’t live without them. I even cut myself, trying to relieve pain.” He showed us his wrist, which was covered in scars and marks. Even dried blood from fresh wounds. His hair was long, tousled, and damp from a shower. Dad looked at us. “Tony, Tobias, come here.” We sat down beside each other. Mom went to get some wine and cheese. “Boys, I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you. I apologize for the way I’ve treated you both. Especially you, Tony.” He paused for a second. “Come here.” We leaned forward and he hugged and kissed us. We went to watch a movie. “The Scarlet Letter or Sarah Plain And Tall?” Mom said, getting on her knees to put the movie in the DVR. “Sarah.” Tony said. “All right, then.” Mom said, putting the movie in. “No, Sarah sent me a text. It says ‘Ur bros a rotten cheater and so r u. He followed in ur footsteps. Wen u get the chance ull buy a stripper pole. Spring called me a t-w-a-t cuz I find u incredible!!! But also I find u a total cheat and I sholdnt b in love wit u!’ Wow, she has probs.” Tony gave me a smile that was full of humor, ‘Can you believe this chick?’, and love. “I’m not dating a girl who calls my brother a cheater. Those days are over. Now I know how Rita felt when I dumped her for being a bad kisser.” “Good boy. I won’t let you date someone like that anymore.” Tony ignored him. He said ‘I wont date any1 who says tht about my bro. sry my ex called u tht. She still likes me.’ I stared at the TV screen and we watched the movie. After the movie I went to my room. I decided to take a short nap. I set my alarm clock for twenty minutes. I fell asleep wanting my life to end. I heard a loud song by a heavy metal band. I realized it was on Tony’s friend’s favorite station. He’s always pulling tricks like that. Tony, not Antonio. I found myself wanting Sophia. If I had another chance, if I could go back… I couldn’t. I went to see what was happening elsewhere. My stomach growled loudly. I felt a vibration in it. Well, duh, Tobias. You’re fat and you’re hungry. “Where’s Tobias?” I heard my father ask. “He went to take a nap twenty one minutes ago. Oh, he’s back.” My brother said. I yawned and rubbed my eye. I laid on the floor. I became pummeled with doggy claws and kisses. Jazz was happy to see me. Girlfriend licked my face. “Hey, baby.” I petted my dog and her boyfriend. I hadn’t been paying much attention to her. I scratched her pretty ears. She rolled over on her back, wanting her belly rubbed. Tony scratched Jazz and I played with Girlfriend. Dad got the video camera out. For thirty minutes, we played with our dogs. I stole Girlfriend’s carrot from her and made her so dizzy she fell over. Dad laughed. Tony tried to teach Jazz to play dead. Both our reputations were wrecked, but we had each other, our dogs, and parents. Girlfriend wanted a treat. I told her to say ‘I love you.’ “I love you!” To my amazement, here’s what happened in a dog voice, “I love you, Tobias!” Dad grinned and Tony laughed. I felt incredible. I hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. Not even with Sophia. Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ came on the radio. I gave my dog a treat. She gave me an ‘I’m innocent’ look. Tony and I both felt happy. I nibbled on some caviar left on the table. Caviar is a rich food, and a lot of rich people eat it, but it really doesn’t cost much, depending on the fish eggs. That’s basically all it is, raw fish eggs. Dad had recently gotten a police scanner for free. Supposedly, it didn’t work. Now it did. A male voice came on, “There’s been a robbery at Sixty five Sweet Street. Black male, long black pants, navy shirt, wearing Nikes. The second male is Asian, white pants, navy shirt. There might also be a female, white, long brunette hair, black pants, black tank top, wearing high heels.” “What color are the shoes?” “Grey for the Nikes, black sandal-like high heels.” “Canine units on the scene. No sign of the suspects…except…oh, here’s an earring. Large silver hoop. Also a ring, wedding ring. Are any of them married?” “The female and the black male are married together.” “Ten-four.” “Stop right there or you’ll get bit by the dog!” “Asian male spotted. Officer Davis and Canine Auggie are there.” I leaned on my stomach and stared at Girlfriend. She licked my face like a Boston Terrier. I remembered my old Boston Terrier. Man, I loved that dog. Her name was Lilyann. Mom named her. I had just taken her for a walk when she collapsed. I wondered if I’d overheated her. Dad assured me it wasn’t my fault, and we rushed her to the vet. She had a brain tumor and we had to put her down. It happened to be the day before my birthday. Worst birthday ever. A year later, I got Girlfriend as a Christmas present from Mom. She was an extremely obnoxious puppy, worse than a Labrador. Sometimes I still wonder if there’s anything I could have done. Feed her a different food, take her on less walks, give her some special medication. “So what are you doing for your and Mom’s anniversary?” I said, hoping to think about something else. “Probably drive to Kansas City or go to New York again.” Dad said. As usual. On their honeymoon, they’d gone to Paris and went to several big cities. “Cool.” Tony said. Their anniversary was in a few weeks. Tony and I usually stayed at Michael’s. I got to bed early. The next morning, I went to my bathroom. As I took a shower, I noticed some loose skin on my gut. I’d lost some weight! But how much? I stepped on the scale. I lost two pounds. Just two pounds. I’d lost my appetite lately. Maybe that was it, I was eating less. I combed my hair, which was ridiculously long now. I could have put it in a ponytail if I wanted to. Not really, I was being dramatic. I brushed my teeth until they sparkled and I could use them for a squeak horn. I dressed in grey jeans and a blue shirt. I didn’t like the way you could see my bellybutton. I ignored it. There was a man in my kitchen. He looked familiar somehow. Brown curly hair, navy jeans, an olive green flannel shirt. “Mr. Reed, what are you doing here?” He turned around, and I realized it was my history one. “Hello, Tobias. I heard about what happened between you and Jake. I’m sorry.” “It’s all right, it happened a year ago.” “No, I mean, I…I’m sorry about what happened between you and I. I made a mistake. It’s just that you remind me of someone I used to…” he stopped. He knew I knew. “I’ll be near you and your brother today. I’ll be behind you. That’s why I’m here.” “What for?” “To protect you. From Billy and paparazzi.” “But why?” “Because I felt a need to protect you. You’re one of my favorite students and you remind me so much of Bryce.” He looked sad at the word ‘Bryce’. I knew that Bryce had been his fiancé. I felt a sincere pain for him. He’d lost someone he cared about more than anything else. Even if Bryce was still alive, it wouldn’t matter. I reminded Mr. Reed of someone he once loved more than anything else in the world. I found myself in the backseat of Tony’s truck. Mr. Reed was riding shotgun. “So, Tony, how’s school going?” “Okay.” “Found a girl yet?” “Actually, yes. Her name’s Juliet.” “Juliet who?” “Juliet Aberdale. Blond, brown eyes, pretty. Wearing a denim skirt and a tank top today.” “I won’t even ask…” Mr. Reed glanced at me. “…how you know.” I got out and started to make my way to my locker. I opened my locker up. I saw green eyes out of the corner of my eyes. It was Valerie, a girl who I’d sort of dated. She’d liked me for a while after we stopped. I wondered if she still did. She smiled at me and gave me a flirtatious look. I half smiled at her. She walked towards me. “Tobias, I think I know what really happened.” Did I mention that she has an English accent? “I’ll call you after school. Do you have the same number?” “No, my new number is 785-385-4501. Got it?” “Yes. I’ll call you later. Do you want to try dating again.” “Not right now, but maybe later.” “All right then. See ya.” I gazed at her leaving. Nina approached me. “Hi, Tobias.” “Hi.” “Okay, look I’m really sorry for the way I’ve been treating you lately. It’s uncool.” “It’s all right. It was really my fault.” “No, it was mine. I shouldn’t have asked you for a kiss and should have kept my door locked.” “It was heat of the moment. But you know, if I hadn’t crushed on your sister this whole thing would have been avoided.” “Tobias Shane Grass, you of all people should know that you can’t control love. It controls you. Expected love only happens when you look in different places. I still love you, but I know you don’t want to date me. Especially not after this. I only dated Michael to get closer to you. It was wrong, and that’s one of the reasons why we’re not talking anymore. I never expected to fall in love with him. After I caught him with that whore, I stopped loving him and started loving you again. You know why?” “You were jealous?” She grinned. “He wasn’t right for me.” “So I saw you talking to Valerie. Are you dating her again?” “Sort of.” I immediately regretted saying it. Nina’s face fell. “Oh.” She said. I noticed how perfect her lips were, pink and full. I’d seen Nina without makeup on, and she was still pretty. I thought she was pretty, but I sort of stopped liking her in that way. Or had I? “It was unbelievable. My first thought was This can’t be true! She’s my best friend! Then she smiled at me and walked away and my world turned upside down.” I told Tony in the car. Mr. Reed had gotten a ride from his brother. “Sounds like you like her.” Tony said. “Just ask me or Spring. We fell in love when neither of us expected it.” I realized something. “Oh my gracious, Tony you did not cheat on her.” He gave me a sad smile and nodded. “Yeah, I did. I have a notebook for all the girls I’ve dated or hooked up with. Numbers and addresses.” “Isn’t that stalkerish?” “Who’re you gonna tell, Squeaky?” “Don’t call me that. I have a lower voice than you anyway.” He glanced at me. “That’s why you’re so embarrassing. People are thinking, ‘Hey, isn’t that the guy with the fifteen year old brother who has a lower voice and bigger zippers?’” I glanced down. He was right. I walked through the door quickly. Dad was at the table. And he was drunk. “What the hell were you thinking? You kissed both sisters. Maybe you are a cheat. You both are. I wish neither of you had been born!” I ran to my room, shut the door, and locked it. I sobbed in my knees. Dad hated me. He hated Tony, too. They were shouting and arguing. Dad hadn’t told the truth when he said he would stop drinking. I grabbed the knife and slit my wrist. Unfortunately, Tony decided to walk in then. He unlocked the door with a toothpick and came in. He saw me with the knife. “Tobias, stop this. Mom thought you were done, that’s why we don’t see Daniel anymore.” We heard Mom come in then. She and Dad started arguing. I heard footsteps, high heels, come up the stairs. Loafers, next. “Fine! Here’s your suitcase! Get out and never come back ever!” I heard Dad complaining about me and Tony as he threw stuff in his bags. “I know what you’re thinking. Dad doesn’t hate you, he doesn’t have a high alcohol resistance.” We hugged and he cleaned up my wrist and bandaged it. I read the book, A Guy’s Guide. I should have read it earlier. It helped me to understand the opposite sex more. And it was written by a woman named Rebecca Harkins. So I was getting real expertise, plus she’d been a guest star on on several shows and movies involving a lot of love and romance. I decided to Google her later. For now, I was content. I had been upset earlier, but I have low self-confidence. I was madly in love with someone. I loved Sophia, I liked her sister, who was also my best friend, who liked me. Sophia loved me back, but she didn’t trust me because I had kissed her sister. I still kind of liked Valerie, at least I still got those butterflies in my belly today. Ruth, Chloe, and Mia liked me. Maureen secretly liked me, she just hadn’t flirted because of Sophia and probably Nina. I realized I had at least six girls who were crushing on me. Wow, I was shocked. I felt myself collapse on the bed. I was exhausted and hungry. I read a magazine article about love and what it can do to you. I found a lot of interesting stuff. My stomach felt like a feather was brushing it. I shoved my jacket off. I could feel myself dozing off. I slept through dinner. It was ten o’clock when I woke. Mom and Dad were talking. “It doesn’t matter. He’s fifteen years old, he’ll be fine. His weight shouldn’t matter. He knows he’s overweight, and he doesn’t like it. I seen the look on his face when he steps on the scale.” Dad said. “He’s young, Joseph. He’s a teenage boy. He’ll get over her. Nina said she feels terrible but her sister acts like she hates Tobias. We all know she doesn’t, she loves him to death. I’ve met Sophia, and I think she’s a lovely girl. She’s exactly like Tony described, but when I saw her she was wearing a green dress. We talked for a bit and I could tell she was nervous. Personally I think Nina set us up on purpose.” I didn’t say anything. Nina would do something like that. I decided to ask her about it later. I turned over to face the wall. My door opened, and my floor squeaked. Somebody placed a hand on my shoulder and kissed me. “I’m so sorry, Tobias. I didn’t realize how drunk I really was. I’ve taken a nap since then, and I’m sober now. I love you.” Dad said. He kissed me again, and left my room. I got up, took a shower, put clothes on, the usual. I went to my bedroom to get my bag, but it wasn’t there. I went into the livingroom. I thought I’d left it there, but I hadn’t. I looked in the diningroom. Not there. Tony’s room. Yes, it was there. Tony will do that at least once a year. I looked in it to make sure everything was there. Yes, but there was also a piece of paper. It said ‘Tobias, I can’t live like this anymore. I ‘m going to move to Kevin’s. Not Nina’s brother, my friend. Bye, you’ve been the best little brother. Miss you. Love Tony.’ I couldn’t believe it. My older brother, the guy I’d mimicked when I was five, the guy who held my hand when I got checked, the guy whom I’d always thought was brave and strong, was gone. He’d run away. I showed the letter to Dad, who turned pale. “I found it in his room.” I said. Dad didn’t say anything. “Get in the car.” he said. I worried about my brother all day. Nina hugged me once and Victoria looked jealous. She knew Nina had a crush on me. Nina knew I liked her sister. Nina was my old crush and my best friend. I stopped by the band room after school, where the cheerleaders practice. Maureen was leading the routine. Duh, she was the captain. The coach wasn’t a very good one, all she ever did was eat and put makeup on. So she didn’t care if friends or boyfriends or girlfriends stopped by. We have two yell leaders, Zeke Mattey and Jack Peters. Zeke had the megaphone and was shouting cheers, his blond hair whipping around his face. ‘wher r u? its mom.’ ‘I’m in the band room. R u off work yet?’ ‘Almost. B ther in thirty minutes son.’ ‘k’ Maureen called a break. I cornered her. “Why are you treating me like this? You kissed me when you knew I liked her!” “Whatever. I get whatever guy I want. Plus more.” She winked at Jack, who blushed. “Maureen, you have a boyfriend!” “He broke my heart. I am not going back to him.” “I didn’t realize…” “Of course you didn’t. Sophia thinks she’s the hottest girl in school. She’s not. I am.” I couldn’t believe how vain she was acting. She was talking about her best friend behind her back, flirting with somebody she didn’t have a crush on. I knew I was getting nowhere. “Now look, I’ll tell Sophia you kissed me. I text everyone I know and tell them you also kissed me.” Her eyes went wide. “You wouldn’t dare!” “Oh, I would.” If there’s one thing Maureen can’t stand, it’s having her reputation ruined. I also surprised myself. A year ago, I never would have made that threat. I would have walked away. I walked away, satisfied with myself. I saw Sophia sitting on the bench, writing. “What are you writing?” I asked. She glanced up. “A song.” “About what?” “You.” “Can I see it?” “Sure.” I noticed she had a handbag with a bunch of c’s on it. I recognized it as a Coach bag. The only reason why I knew that was because Mom carried one around sometimes, and I’d asked her about it. Sophia’s song was very good. It was about a girl who wanted a boy but he’d broken her heart. “Was it a friendship kiss?” she asked. “I used to crush on her, she has a crush on me.” “She didn’t tell me.” “She’s your sister, and she loves you. She knew you had a crush on me.” “That’s because I told her.” “She asked for a kiss. I accepted. That’s it. It was supposed to be quick.” I said. A tear fell out of her eye. She wrapped her arms around me. I smelled her perfume, felt her touch. I’d been waiting for this moment. I loved her. “Is it possible…?” I asked. She looked at me. “I’m not sure…not yet at least Tobias. I’m sorry.” I felt like she’d poked my heart with a knife. She leaned against me, sighing. Her sweatpants were loose around the legs but tightened at her ankles. I saw her ankles. They were smooth and bony. I could feel her heart beating on my chest. Mom walked up to us. Sophia leaned up. “Hello, Mrs. Grass.” “Dear, call me Anne.” Mom said, nodding at her. “Anne.” Sophia repeated. I leaned back and listened to the Foo Fighters on the radio. “There goes my hero.” I said, talking about Tony. Mom looked at me. I completely ignored her. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep. I was dead tired. No homework fortunately. I set my bag on the floor in my bedroom. I kicked off my shoes, closed my door, shut off my light, and got my ‘Do Not Disturb Tobias’ mood on. I laid onto my bed. I pulled the covers up and closed my eyes. I was in a ravine. A little one. I climbed up the hill, not knowing where I was going or doing. I felt my shoes almost slip. There she was, in a strapless lavender dress. She smelled like roses. She looked like a red rose. She smiled and stretched her arms out to me. I grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. “Tobias, come closer, my love. Come closer…” I felt myself be punched in the gut and sent backwards. He grabbed her and started to lead her away. No way. I quickly got up, wanting revenge. My sweet was being taken away from me. I grasped her arms and pulled her to me. “Mine.” I said. A honeysuckle blossom formed on her arm, then disappeared into her. A honeysuckle formed on the ground. Something told me to lick the few drops of honey that were in it. I picked it up and licked it. I gave it to Sophia, and she licked it too. It sort of reminded me of Adam and Eve with the fruit. No one knows for sure if it was an apple or a grapefruit or some other fruit. Either way, the juice was yummy, just like honey from a honeysuckle flower is yummy. I woke up with a pang of hunger. Dinner time. I could hear my stomach growling. You could hear it from a mile away. I looked in the cupboard. Then I saw the time. Midnight. Dang. And I was starving. I grabbed a granola bar and went back to bed. The next day was weird. Nobody talked about me anymore, which I liked. Finally, everybody lost interest in the fat nerd. I was still madly in love with Sophia, and I blushed every time she walked by. I headed toward my first class. Mr. Kurl had glasses on, and was talking to, guess who, my mother. Embarrassing, yes. My mother glanced at me then turned back to her high school secret admirer. They would have made a good couple, had Mr. Kurl worked up the courage to ask her out. I sat down at my desk. I set my backpack on the chair and turned around. Guess who? Billy Paers. Oh boy. He completely ignored me. “Tobias, can you come here for a second?” Mr. Kurl asked. I got up and walked toward his desk. “If you need anything or have any problems, call your mother right away. Don’t go to the nurse, the office, restroom, anything. Okay?” “Okay.” I was glad he was whispering really softly. I walked back with no regrets, then I saw Billy’s face. He’d heard. He looked pissed. I didn’t say anything. Mr. Kurl also saw Billy’s face. He ignored him. We finished Romeo and Juliet quickly. We all know how it ends. Everyone thinks ‘Just give her five more minutes!’ but he’s not a mind reader. I decided that if Sophia was a goddess, she’d be Aphrodite. She was wearing lavender eye shadow, (honestly, who doesn’t look gorgeous in that color?) and she was wearing the infamous green dress with a blue cardigan. On her feet were the shoes with straps, the ones Mom called ‘gladiator sandals’. Now that I looked at them more closely, they did look like gladiator sandals. My love walked toward me with all the grace and beauty of the infamous Greek goddess. I decided to question Michael about her later. Sophia ignored me and walked past. “Aphrodite? Sure, I can tell you about her. Her son is Cupid, her first true love died, he was actually Cupid’s stepfather, she had tons of affairs, there was a rivalry between her Athena and Hera.” “Hera?” “Hera wasn’t her mother, she was born by Zeus’s father’s blood droppinginto the sea. She didn’t like Psyche, Cupid’s wife, at first because she was so beautiful. She grew to like her a few years after Cupid saved her. I don’t know much else, I’ll talk to Dad. He’s always studying Greek history. Speaking of Aphrodite, have you seen Nina today? I really miss her and I want to apologize to her.” “She’s right behind you.” Michael turned around. “Thanks.” He muttered before he went to talk to her. I saw her try to turn away, but Michael caught her. He loved her enough to ask for forgiveness and try to save their relationship. I wondered if I would still be able to get a relationship with Sophia. Then I remembered Vicky. Oh, man. I went to the bleachers after school to see if Maureen had actually done what I'd wanted her to do. "Hey, big guy." Nina said, sitting beside me. "Hey. What are you doing here?" I asked. Nina grinned. "You're probably not gonna like this, but Sophia became a cheerleader." "What?" "She asked Mrs. Alnez if she could join. Alnez said yes. Sophia wants a change, and to knock Maureen off the top. She knows Maureen and you made out. Kevin has a fat lip." she blushed. There she was, in formation. Sophia was a gymnast and a tennis player almost a year ago, so she was fast and flexible. "She's also been taking piano lessons from that woman who lives across the street from you for a few days. So if you want to see her, you know where she is." Sophia looked up and waved at us. We waved back. I heard someone say "Who's the guy with the belly?" from the track. "That's Tobias. He's really smart and sweet, but he's quiet and not self-confident." someone else said. "He's got a sexy voice, though. Really low and deep." I was really hungry by then. I felt sure everyone could see my stomach vibrating. My stomach was completely empty by the time Tony got there. Nina was still waiting for her sister to get out of the bathroom. "Why so late?" I asked Big Brother. "Basketball tryouts and a girl fight. Spring and my pyscho ex-girlfriend Katie Welson. By the way, new girlfriend. Her name's Tyra Banks, like the model. Same skin color, too. Not my first black girlfriend, but definitely the sexiest and smartest. She feels that she doesn't have to do much to impress me. She's right. I had a little crush on her before, but I was scared and dating someone else." "Who?" I asked. "Katie Welson, of course. There's her car now." I saw a pretty brunette in a silver 2009 Honda Civic. She was putting on lipstick and blaring Katy Perry. Clearly popular. Spring was popular too, but she was definitely the crazy one today. She chased after Katie and nearly rammed her car. I noticed Spring's car was dirtier and had 'Honk If U Think I'm Sexy' written on it. I was starting to think Spring wasn't as nice as I'd thought she was. Pretty, smart, and popular, but vain and loved catfights. Tony told me he'd heard that Spring was stalking him on the Internet, and she secretly had posters of naked men in her nightstand drawer. She was planning to work at an adult club soon, even though she wasn't even eighteen yet. She also had a fake ID, which who doesn't, even I've got one, but she got so drunk she passed out. I texted Nina all this information. 'Sounds like a hottie.' was her response. 'She looks like you and ur sister mixed together' I told her. She said she didn't care. I said whatever. I'd been friends with Nina since sixth grade, and could tell her anything. She usually had good advice. Usually. Mom said she thinks Spring wants Tony back and she's trying to impress him. Well, it failed to impress her. She changed her mind about Spring, and decided she didn't like her anymore. Tony didn't care. He was all over his new girlfriend. She apparently was the hottest, smartest, sweetest girl he'd ever actually dated, which is saying a lot. Tony asked Mom if Tyra could come over for dinner. Mom said sure. Tony called Tyra suddenly. "Hey you!" was her answer. "Hey babe, I've got you on speakerphone. My mom and Toby are here." "Hi, Mrs. Grass and Tobias." she said. Mom grinned. "Call me Anne, dear." Mom said. "All right, Anne. What's up, Tobias?" "Nothing much." "Good." The song Sexy Chick by David Guetta feat. Akon came on. "Babe, our song's playing." "Cool." Mom smirked. All Tony's girlfriend 'songs' were usually tacky or sappy. Note the past tense. Tony always let his girlfriends choose it. I had a feeling they agreed on the song this time. But he was happy. Truly happy. Not, okay, he was totally madly desperately in love. He wasn't fake or unhappy. He was truly happy. Spring may have been crazy, but she opened his eyes and showed him what love was. I'd wanted to be just like him when I was younger. I changed my tune as I got older. "Tone, I gotta go. See you tomorrow?" "See you." He was grinning. "I'm so in love!" he said, spreading his arms out. Dad walked through. He wasn't sober like he'd promised he'd be, he was flat drunk. Tony and I got our stuff and went upstairs. We went to his room. He listened through the wall. I felt totally out of place. I waded through the dirty clothes and plopped on his bed. l soon realized I was sitting on a pair of dirty underwear. I could hear Mom and Dad shouting soon. They were arguing about Dad's condition. "You promised you'd stay sober!" Mom shouted. I heard a slapping noise, meaning Dad had slapped her. He called her several terrible names. So terrible I won't repeat them. Just slap him back. Tell him you'll divorce him for good. Tell him he's made too many mistakes. I silently begged Mom. I heard Tony whispering similar things. He still had his ear pressed against the wall. More arguing. "I can't live without my boys!" Dad said. "I love them, even if they were accidents." Tony and I glanced at each other. We'd already sort of known this, but this hurt, hearing it from Dad's mouth. "If you loved them, you wouldn't have hurt them! You've put them through enough trouble already." Mom said.have I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in Tony's bed. He laid right beside me, snoring away. l almost thought l was late for school, then I remembered we had In Service. I got up and went to my room only to fall asleep again in bed. I woke up to the smell of vanilla coffee and fresh bacon. Tony was at the stove, cooking breakfast for Mom, who was usually beautiful but today her skin looked tired, she had smeared eyeliner, her hair was limp, and a big black bruise was on her usually smooth and clean cheek. She pulled me close and kissed me when I went for a little hug. "Sleep well, hon?" "Yeah." "Thanks, Tony." Mom said when he placed a mug of coffee, sunny-side up eggs, toast, and bacon in front of her. He let her kiss his cheek for once. A car turned into our street. Mom got up. "Nina?" she asked. "What's up?" "I need to talk to Tobias like, now." "All right." "What's up?" I asked as l leaned against the fridge and nibbled on a strip of bacon. "It's about Soph. When she got up Billy was on top of her, trying to have sex. She screamed and Kevin came into her room with a socket wrench." "Socket wrench?" I asked. "Hey, it was the closest weapon. Anyway, Kev scared Billy off and called the cops. Since Billy belongs to a gang, we're all scared for her. Detective Jackson's going to question her and pursue a full investigation. Billy has been skipping on therapy and anger management classes. Toby, I need a hug." I hugged her. When Nina told Mom what happened, Mom said she'd be more than happy to support Sophia. She even offered a discount. Nina said thanks and she'd talk to her sister and brother. I was worried, yes. Scared, a little. Stomach growling, I went back into my room and sat in front of the computer. I played a Britney Spears song and went onto the chat log. Several people were on it. Hotcheer: Tht one chick is pretty tho DavieBoi: Sophia Martinez? Hotcheer: Ya, her Maurwreck: Her bro takes care of her and her sis Nina ther parents r always away I wondered why Maureen would so willingly share private information like this. "I'm gonna kill her." said Nina, coming up behind me. "She's been telling people private info about Soph and spreading stupid rumors about her." "Why?" "She's jealous, she's a homewrecker, Suzy The Boyfriend Stealer, and she cheats on her boyfriend. She's still dating that one guy. When Josh found out, he was pissed. He's not speaking to her. He really liked her." "Why is she jealous, Nin?" "She's jealous because she knows you like Sophia, and she likes you. Speaking of liking you..." I turned back. Maurwreck: Fyi, Tobias Grass and i r dating Redboy: O we r? I didn't kno tht DavieBoi: Nice Hotcheer: Burn!!!! Nina laughed out loud. "I can't believe you just did that!" she said. "She'll probably hate you for a while." "I know. Frankly, I don't care." "Hey, can you help me with a math worksheet?" "Sure. Sup?" It was about some theory, a p-word theory. I did my best with her. I stared at Nina's black hair that came from her Mexican side. Her eyes were bright and smiling. I realized I loved Nina. Wait, no, it was her sister I loved. Besides, I'd turned Nina down and she wasn't about to start crawling back. Nina was my best friend, not my girlfriend. I felt my heart falling onto the carpet. I looked down. I suddenly felt very queasy. She was singing a song that sounded familiar but the words were switched about. I gave her a quizzical look. She smiled. "The One by Millionaires. It's a girl group. Sophia loves them. She was singing that song last night." I laid on my bed. Nina placed her elbows on my stomach. "Oof! You have bony elbows, you know?" "I know." She laid her head on my soft middle, with her feet still on the floor. "How would you feel if Sophia, Kevin and I took a vacation to the city of dreams?" "New York? I don't know. Depends on when your going and the reason why." I'd been to New York. I liked it. I learned that they would be going in the summer, and Tony and I could join them. Duh. So life at school improved Billy-wise. Billy got suspended for a month, and Logan told me they were thinking about getting him expelled. Good riddens. No one truly liked him, and he'd beat up not just me, but David, Logan, and a couple other guys. I still wanted Sophia. Normal afternoon. I bumped my head after I awoke to my cell phone ringing. I groggily sat up and answered it. "Hel-lo?" "Hello, Mr. Sleepy." "Nina, it's seven on a Saturday morning. What do you need?" "You. We need to talk." "About what?" "You and Sophia, of course. Without the whole school knowing." she said. She had a point. "Okay, I'll be there soon." I said. I showered and dressed and put on a black shirt with black jeans. I left a note telling Mom where I'd be. I was at Nina's house so often now, she wouldn't worry. Nina and Sophia were at the table, sipping coffee. Sophia had some paper in front of her. I tilted my head, and both girls laughed. "It's so cute when you do that." Nina said.I shrugged. I had nothing to say. "So, you and Sophia." she said. Sophia turned bright red and jumped from the table. "You didn't say this meeting was about us!" she said. "You said it was about Billy and I!" My heart broke when she said this. "Sophia..." Nina started. "Don't 'Sophia' me!" her sister snapped. She turned to me. "I'm sorry, Tobias, but we can't be together." That one sentence, and she ripped me apart. "Kalonice asked me out again, and I agreed." Sophia said, making it worse. Nina looked surprised. "You're dating that loser again?!" she said. Sophia nodded. "He's changed. In fact, he's right here." A tall boy came out. He looked to be seventeen. His hair was jet black and curly/wavy. His eyes were yellow. He looked tired. He saw me. "So this is the infamous Tobias Grass." he said. I was so upset I ignored his sarcasm. His wifebeater was sweaty and tight, revealing a flat stomach and broad chest. "Sophia, he's eighteen!" Nina said. The acid in my stomach got thicker. Sophia nodded. "Nina, I love him. And he's changed." "I was with her for four months, for four months I was slowly breaking three hearts, but none knew. I only loved one." he said. That was enough! I couldn't take it anymore! I had come a block down just to get my heart broken. Why had she done this? Why? How long had they been together? For a while, obviously. Great. I had been turned down for a man who was four years older than her. Oh well. I didn't need Sophia. Heck yeah, I needed her. I knocked on Tony's door, suddenly needing my older brother. He answered with a growl. "I was asleep." he said. "I need to talk." I told him. "Whassup?" he asked. He turned on his TV and began flipping through the channels. "Sophia has another boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, but he's eighteen years old and he has yellow eyes with black hair and his name is Kalonice." Tony stopped flipping. "Oh chiz, I know him. He's on the basketball team, he's the captain. Don't worry, little brother, I'll talk to him." "Thanks." I said. "Why woulkd he want to date a fifteen year old though?" Tony said. "I think they've dated before." I said. Tony nodded. "He used to be a player like me. I thought he mentioned a girl named Sophia, but I didn't think about Nina or her age. I thought he was talking about somebody else." So that was it. Tony came back with a pint of ice cream to make me feel better, and Mom, being the caring overprotective embarassing mother that she is, brought me apple juice. Once when I got hit by another kid at a playground when I was four, Mom brought me straight home and gave me apple juice. I remembered some headache medicin that had given me a stomachache and made me throw up. That was last year. I remembered that I was allergic to penicillan. I didn't why I was remembering medicines that made me sick, I just wanted to distract myself with something other than the sexy, smart, sweet brunette that had just ripped my heart out and tore it into pieces and let her boyfriend stomp on it. Give me a hey, give me a ho, give me an "I love you but I don't know you anymore!!" I literally cried. Mom patted my back. "She'll realize what she's missing in a few weeks, son. You'll see." she said, bending down and kissing me. I was feeling miserable, so I laid down in my bed with the sheets over my dirty blond head. "Hey, yo ho, you'll be fat and searchin fo yo baby's fatha in college." said Anika, a pretty black girl on Girls In Rapsody. It was a movie about a group of girls trying to launch their rap career. "Oh, really?" said Megan, the blond Barbie lok-alike with unoriginal taste. She was stealing someone else's work for her own needs. Was it me, or was a Queensland heeler and shepard collie mix laying on my legs and stomach? The shepard collie mix was on my stomach, the Queensland heeler was on my legs. Tony amused himself by taking pictures. He was uncontrollably giggling. He knew I was embarassed. The rat. I began singing. "He lost his soul to a woman so heartless!They don't know 'bout me and YOU!" "Nice." Tony said. I heard kissing and music coming from my parents' bedroom. 'Keep On Loving You' by REP Speedwagon, in fact. I also heard my brother talking to someone in his bedroom. "Christine's an embersary?" he was saying. "Interesting. No, I know she's jealous of my girlfriend. No, my girlfriend's black. Tall, deep eyes. Sweet. Very smart. Positively gorgeous." Everyone's love life was absolutely perfect except mine. Mr. Reed had his fiance. His brother was dating a model from Sweden. (Don't ask.) Michael and Nina had each other. Logan and Lindsay had each other. The girl of my dreams had her boyfriend, Kalonice. I was a loser in love. I was DESPERATELY in love. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep the pain away. I could not believe I was experiencing. I'd been in love before, but not like this. I thought about her constantly. I needed something. A sign, a hint. I was ready to shout out every secret I had. I was more than ready for anything. ANYTHING. This time, I didn't need a layer of love or some cover-up. I had to face the problem dead-on. This I realized with anguish in my heart. I knew I was in true absolute love. How much longer would it take to cure this? (No pun intended.) I was lethargic the rest of the day. Dad brought me my food. That's how tired and depressed I was. Pork chops. Yum. Pizza. Lots of fat. Again, yum. I saw Michael and Logan come in. "What are you doing here?" "We're taking you out. You need to get drunk." Michael said. "Yeah, I'm really sorry Sophia broke your heart by choosing a hot eighteen year old over you. Ow!!" Logan said, as Michael harshly elbowed him in the ribs. "Thanks, guys, but I'd rather lay here feeling sorry for myself." "Oh no, you don't." Tony said. I noticed he had his keys in his hand. "We're taking you out if it's the last thing we do." he said. Knowing I had no choice, I got up off my bed, applied deodorant and cologne, and followed my brother and two best guy friends. We went to a party serving beer. Michael handed me a cup. I didn't like drinking, but I did like beer and I wanted to impress the guya nd about females temporarily. Logan flirted with a hot brunette with an awesome body. Michael started talking to some blond. A redhead walked up to me. I glanced at Tony. He was flirting with girl who wore short clothing and had brunette curly hair. So much for forgetting girls. The redhead kissed my lips seductively, and I was all over her. Her name was Kimberly. Apparently her boyfriend had dumped her for her best friend. I saw a curly haired guy looking over at us. Kimberly said that was him. "I love you..." I whispered. I was completely hammered now. She took my shirt off. She pulled a condom out of her bag and brought me into the back room. "I love you..." I whispered again. I'm like my father in that sense hat it doesn't take much for me to get drunk. Now Logan was high on cocaine and Michael was high on flirting. Tony told the girl with him, Sarah, that he'd screw her if he didn't have a girlfriend. Unfortunately, TOny's girlfriend was also there, and she heard him. She slapped him and left in tears. I felt sorry for her. Tony told Sarah tht he'd screw her NOW. Then my senses kicked in. Well, not completely. I realized how drunk I was and what I was doing. I asked Kimberly for her number and told her I had to rescue my brother. She agreed. I walked up to Tony and pulled him away before he did something incredibly stupid. I won't mention it, because he's done it before. I pulled Logan away from some people who were smoking crack cocaine and marijuana. I went up to Michael and took him away from a girl who was bad news. We all ended up spending the night in my room. I pulled some extra blankets from Tony's room and my linen closet. I found myself laying half off my bed. My father was stroking my face. "Son, are you okay?" he said. He smelled like Axe cologne and looked like he was going out on a formal date. "No. What are you doing?" "I'm getting ready to meet some people somewhere. But if I need to, I'll stay here." he said. "I'm fine." I said. "All right." I felt myself begin to faint, so I sat down. Dad had walked into the kitchen to get some wine. His drinking had slowed, allowing the rest of us to relax. My new favorite song was Kelly Clarkson's "Realize". I "realized" that Sophia did not feel the same about me. She didn't share the same feelings. She had whatshisface to protecct her. I knew she'd need me later, though. Dang. I tried to distract myself, watching Men In Black II with Dad. I tried to wonder how they made the actress's stomach look so big. How they made the little alien, how they made the pug talk. No luck. I leaned against my father, wanting his advice. "Son, I'm fifty six years old and I canstill tell when something's bothering one of you. Tell me what's wrong." "Dad, I can't get her off my mind!" I cried, I began sobbing and buried my face in my father's red shirt. He kissed my head and massaged my scalp. I gave all my secrets away, and it totally backfired. It was my fault. I had no one else to blame but me, myself, and I. I leaned back, wanting Sophia. What did it matter anyway? She was my best friend's sister! Not a good idea. Nina and I were still best friends, thank God, but it still hurt like crazy because whenever I thought about Nina, she reminded me of her sister. They both were a quarter Mexican, both had dark hair and eyes and pretty and interesting features. I went into my room and tried to call Nina. "It's Nina Martinez. Bela Lugosi's dead but I'm not. Leave me a message on my voicemail." "Nice try." I said. A pause. "Tobias? How'd you know it was me?" "Because we've been friends since we were nine years old and I know you better than anyone." "Oh. Wassup?" "I can't get your sister off my mind." "Go shopping. Do a puzzle. Bother Tony. Watch a movie. Give yourself a good feeling with your hand and your..." "Wow, Nina." "Anyway, keep yourself busy. Don't think about Princess Xena and Prince Badass. Imagine yourself in a perfect place, where nothing can touch you." I knew she was right. I needed something to keep my mind off of Sophia Martinez. But it's not easy when her sister is your best friend and you notice the same curiosity and interest sparkle in their deep brown eyes. Nina's hair was darker, and straighter most of the time, but it still looked like HERS to me. No, do not think about Sophia Roseanna Martinez, Tobias Shane Grass. Think about your weight. You're always concerned with the size of your belly and how people think of you when they see a fat fifteen year who's near the top of his class. Dang. My morals had gone haywire and often I found myself wondering what Sophia looked in a bra and what kind she wore. Nina had already given me that information, Victoria's Secret and T.J. Maxx. She sometimes bought them on clearance at WalMart. Whatever, I didn't care where she bought them, only WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE IN THEM!!! Calm down, Tobias. You're stressing yourself out over a GIRL!! Do not pass go. She broke your heart by getting back with her gorgeous ex-boyfriend. He's older, too. She's fifteen and he's eighteen. She gets what she gets. Take a chill pill. Dang, I need Tylenol. It was true. My head and my stomach were beginning to feel woozy and I felt dizzy. Suddenly, everything went black. I heard a female voice say my name then say the s word. Nina? I heard her speaking to my mother. "Anne, I have no clue what happened. I was trying to help him forget Sophia, when suddenly, he just passed out. No, he's not having a seizure, he's just unconscious. Okay, I'll call 911." A minute later: "Hello? Yes, my name is Nina Martinez, I'm at Paskell Drive on 12th.My friend Tobias...I was trying to help him forget a girl that broke his heart when he suddenly passed out. He's alive, he's just not responding. I don't know if he can hear me. Okay. Tobias, if you can, wave your hand." I lifted my hand. "He just lifted his hand an inch off the ground, then it fell on his chest. Yes. Thank you." The next thing I remember is seeing a black woman crouching over me,wearing a police uniform. "Tobias, if you can hear me, wave your hand." I tried to lift my hand, but I couldn't. I suddenly realized I'd hit my head on a sharp rock and I was bleeding profusely. My legs had fallen asleep and I couldn't get up, much as I wanted to. I also realized the hand I tried to lift was broken. Darn. I was used to breaking the bones in my body, I do it all the time, but my hand had never hurt this much. I passed out again. When I awoke, a familiar face was standing over me. "Who are you?" I asked the man. He suddenly looked nervous. He had platinum blond hair with a couple greys. "Tobias." he said, taking my hand. "Don't you remember me? I'm your father. Are you hungry?" I nodded. My father shifted his weight to his right, and I realized he was sitting in a chair, he was just very tall. He nodded. "I figured as much. Tony took Nina to get some coffee, while your mother went to get us something to eat." he said. I noticed his teeth were very white. He was also pretty large. I barely remembered I ever had a father. I couldn't remember who Tony was, my brother perhaps, but I remembered Nina. The beautiful girl I saw just before I passed out. I'd been feeling a mixture of anger, love, and hurt. I found myself loving Nina, as more than just a friend. A raven-haired woman walked in. She had blue eyes and pretty lips. "He doesn't remember who I am." my father said. My mother looked worried. "Son, do you rememeber me?" she said. "No." I said. "I'm your mother," she said with a crack in her voice. I watched as a female figure walked to the door. "Nina." I said. She wrapped her arms around me. I saw my parents look at each other. "Why is it he remembers her, but not us?" Dad said. Nina glanced back at him. "The rock he hit his head on must've affected his memory," she said. "It was large and sharp, and when he fell, he plummeted down. I should have helped him." she berated herself. "Don't blame yourself for this. This isn't your fault." Dad said. Nina looked at me like she suddenly had an idea. She held out a knife. "Do you remember where I got this?" "Uhh..." "You gave to me earlier this month after you said you cut yourself." My mother gasped. My father's mouth opened a little. The knife did look familiar. Nina put it back in her bag. Then she pulled out a packet of sugar. "You stole this from a coffee shop and gave it to me in case we wanted it later." She then grabbed her wallet. She pulled a picture of me and a girl with brown hair, and I began having memory flashes. "Sophia..." I said. "Yes, it's Sophia. Remember this?" she said, holding a pair of tweezers. "You thought you...well...you did have a monobrow and asked me to pluck your eyebrows." "Never let me forget that." Tony whispered to Dad. "I won't." Dad said. I fell asleep. I was very groggy. I woke up, and when I did, I remembered everything. Nina helped me walk to my door. I laid down on my bed."You end up in the hospital more than anyone else I know, and you miss a lot of school because of it. Lucky." "I don't like missing school. I actually like school. The only thing I don't like is Billy, Ruth, and Chloe." "I know." my best friend kissed the top of my head and walked out of my room. A minute later I heard shouting. Female and male, four voices. I heard a scream that sounded like Nina's and heard glass breaking. Nina ran into my room and shut the door. Judging by her scared look, I knew someone had been hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" she demanded. "I could have helped!" I told her about my dad. His real age , his drinking problem and constant fights with Tony. "Oh God." was her reply. I knew she and Tony liked each other, but I didn't expect her to walk out to help my brother! I tried to go after her, bt I tripped over a magazine. Magazine? All my magazines were in a bin in the corner. I realized it was a Playboy magazine, probably Tony's. Tony! My brother! He was an idiot and a playboy, but he was still my brother! I found him and Dad fighting outside, Mom and Nina trying to seperate them. I quickly ran over and grabbed Tony by the waist and pulled him away. Dad was red and sweating, but so was Tony. "Mom'll definitely divorce him now, " Tony muttered. "Little brother, please let go of my belly." "What happened?" I asked. "Dad's a fucking lunatic. He's halleucinating again, he thinks I'm his rival from high school thirty years ago. He's still drinking, alec." I had not noticed before how similar Tony and I looked. Blond hair, brown eyes, thick legs and chest. We did not look much like our parents, But Dad did have blond hair, thick too. Tony and I hugged. I leaned against my brother and listened to his heart beat in his chest. He kissed the top of my head, and we just held each other. "I don't think I've ever seen two brothers who loved each other more." Nina said. Tony glanced at her. "Nina, you should go. The police'll be here any minute now." Nina shrugged. "I don't care." she said. She looked at me. I knew she wanted to date Tony. "I owe you. I hope you have better luck than I did." I said. I dozed off for twenty minutes on the couch. When I woke up, I saw Mom peck Nina's cheek. Nina'd probably told her. And they love each other, so...but when I saw Tony kiss Nina, I felt a twinge of jealosy. Wait...was I in love with my best friend? Was she the reason I went after her sister? How could I compete with two older and better-looking guys? First Kalonice made me jealous, now Tony. The next thing I knew, I was standing between them. "Tobias, if you didn't want me to date Tony-mmmmhhhh!" The last part was me kissing her. I kissed her. I kissed Nina Martinez, my absolute best friend in the world. Then I knew I loved her. Tony's eyes were wide when I looked back at him. Then I realized I was on the floor with a bleeding lip. Nina ran out, crying. Tony ran after her. "Nina, wait...let me explain..." I went into my bedroom and flipped through the Playboy magazine. All I saw was fake blond hair, fake brests, fake lips, fake butt, fake everything. I preferred girls with dark hair suddenly. Sophia and Nina both had dark hair. Sophia was a beautiful brunette, while Nina had jet-black hair. I took another nap, this time for an hour. I felt recumbant when I awoke. But when I went downstairs, Tony wasn't speaking to me. I noticed he'd sent me a few texts. 'U drove her away from me. Ur not my brother.' 'Go screw yourself.' 'I'm done with love. All it does is cause heartbreak.' I sent him a few back. 'Ur not my brother either, u stole my love, and broke my heart, and embarrassed me by being a playboy. I hate u rite now. We both should have known I loved her.' Not for the first time, I considered suicide. Nina had my knife, and Mom had hidden all the kitchen knives in a chest with a skeleton key that she'd hidden. She was using one right now to cut a tomato. I laid on the floor with my arms across my chest like I was dead or doing crunches. My dog laid on top of me, figuring I was there to cuddle with her and her boyfriend. My ex-brother stepped over me. "I've called Nina three times now. I'm gonna go to her house. Tobias are you coming?" I looked up at him. "Are you serious?" "Yeah, we need to let her decide, and I want to do it fairly." Not surprisingly, Kalonice was on their couch with his arm draped over Sophia. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd forced her to do anything. A sinking feeling placed itself in my gut. I felt that Kalonice was too controlling, even though I'd met him ony once. We followed Nina to her room. She had posters of Justin Bieber and Zak Bagans eerywhere. Her two biggest celebrity crushes. I'll admit I have a crush on Selena Gomez and Emma Stone, but I only have two posters of each girl. And I've never put them on my wall, which I know is weird. With Nina, it's Justin Bieber that and Zak Bagans this. Tony sat closer to her, she was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed and a pillow in her lap. "It's probably my fault." Tony said. Nina leaned over and placed her head on his chest. Now we know whom she liked more. "It's mine, too." she said. Tony kissed her. "Don't blame yourself, baby. I couldn't resist you, I knew it was a matter of time before we-" he stopped suddenly and looked at me. "What happened?" I said. "It was all my fault, little brother. I never took Nina home some of those days and nights. Or I stayed hours longer than I should have." Suddenly I knew what he was talking about. Without thinking, I raised my fist to hit him. Nina blocked my blow. "I'm a blackbelt, " she explained. I was a blackbelt too, but I was not about to hit someone I loved. Tony knew I was infuriated. I hated him more than anything at this point. I walked downstairs and saw Kalonice gripping Sophia, pinning her down, and kissing her. He was forcing her to have sex! He was eighteen, and she was fifteen! "Kalonice, please stop..." she murmured. He totally ignored her and began to take off her seude skirt. I grabbed him by the stomach and yanked him off her. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" he said. "She told you to stop, but you starting taking off her skirt. You could get arrested for rape, anyway." Kalonice glared at me. "Not like she'd tell. She loves me." I glanced at Sophia, expecting her to cut in, but she was staring at a spot on the carpet. "You deserve better than him." I whispered in her ear before I left. "I'm not deaf!" Kalonice snapped, his accent more established. "Sophia, come here darling..." he said. "I love you..." But when I got home, I got on my laptop. I had to find out if he had a criminal record. I pulled up his public records. Sure enough, he had counts for robbery, statury rape, and endangering a minor by pulling her to a window while he screwed her. He'd been kicked out of his parents house twice, he'd run away. Why did Sophia not know this? But what if she did? I called her brother. "He's going to destroy her!" I snapped. "Oh shit, I did not know any of this, she told me he had a clean record." "He was screwing her before I left, or at least tried to." I told him what happened between us. "I'm gonna kill him." Kevin said. "Get your bro to help me." "Okay." I called Tony. He didn't answer, but he called back using Nina's phone. "I'm in a house with a pedophile? Shit." By the time I got back there, laptop in hand, Tony, Kevin, and Talia's brother were holding him down. Apparently Tony had to punch Kalonice in the stomach to get down, he'd literally just eaten. Talia's brother was tall with smooth mahogany skin. Sophia was crying and Nina was keeping her back. "Kill me, then." Kalonice said. "Fuck you." he said when he saw me. Sophia got past Nina and yanked Talia's brother off. He was lanky enough that she could. She leaned against him. I showed Kevin the records while he held the perv. "Let him go!" Sophia said. "I do love him." Kalonice glared at her. "This glitch is telling the truth. Fine. If I never talk to your sister again will you let me go?" he said. "Fine. Go." Kevin said. "Kalonice, wait..." Sophia started, going after him. He ignored her, got his backpack, and left. He drove off in a black Nissan Coupe. Sophia started crying like crazy righ then. She left, went up to her room, and shut the door. "KALONICE!" she yelled. "It's all my fault. I should have done a background check. He had just finished screwing her when I found him." Kevin said. "What about your parents?" I said. "Our dad works twenty-four seven at restaurants. Our mom just doesn't care, she only comes here to shower, and both our parents are cheating on each other." Kevin said. Interesting. I thought. I could admit that Nina loed Tony, not me, bt I could not admit to myself that Sophia now hated me. I probably should not have done what I did. Kalonice was a true pedophile, but both Maureen and Sophia loved him. I went home and took a shower. It was almost dinnertime now. At school, Sophia stayed secluded. I saved her from a pedophile, but she now hated me for it. Billy tried to flirt with her, but she ignored him too. He still hated me, he pushed me into a cheerleader's locker again, but I pushed out of his grasp. I just did all my work at school. Sophia did the same. On Sunday, I'd called her five times but no answer. When I arrived in Science, Mr. Reed pulled me aside before the bell rang. "Tobias, are you all right?" "I'm fine." I lied. He saw right through it. "Okay, well, if anything, you can talk to me or my brother." he said. My heart ripped when he said 'brother'. Tony had taken all of us to school this morning. I was totally depressed. I tried to listen to Mr. Reed's lecture on velocity and speed. After school, I stayed outside and watched the cheerleaders practice. I saw Chris Potter and Brittany Ford making out. I felt jealous. They had each other. I saw Beth and Lang flirt. I felt lonely and jealous. Tony walked up to me fifteen minutes later. "This whole thing is my fault. All my fault." I muttered. "I should not have done what I did to Nina. It's my fault, too." Tony said. He let me lean against his chest again. I wanted to kill myself. I'd tried several times and failed. I ensured that one of the loves of my life had a broken heart. I ensured that my other love was in love with my brother. I'd tried to save Sophia from a pedophile, but instead I ripped her heart out. I did my homework and laid in bed, depressed, I coughed. My head hurt and I felt crappy. Mom came in and felt my forehead. I felt myself sneeze. Two times. Mom left and brought back orange juice. Fresh-squeezed. I felt sick, physically and mentally. I knew I had broken Sophia apart. I'd torn her. I wanted to ask her to forgive me, to allow me to ask her to date me again. We'd tried, to no avail. Dang. I knew she might not. I took out a piece of paper, and wrote down how I felt. I let myself write down whatever I wanted to, wherever I wanted to. So there I was, stuck in LoserVille. I knew I might be shunned. Sophia wasn't talking to me, at least. Everyone else was. I was depressed that my crush wasn't. I knew she may never speak to me again. Eh, at least I found a pedophile and stopped him from hurting her. In the process, I'd hurt her myself. Oh, well. I'd rather have me breaking her heart than a pedophile possibly getting her pregnant or transmitting a disease to her. If she did get pregnant, I'd like to have it be my child. For now, all I wanted to concentrate on was school. I was one of the top five in my class, and I wanted to keep it that way. All the better to get into film school. Yes, my secret dream is being a camera man or a director. Either or. I've been called practical and resourceful before, but never a big dreamer. My grandmother secretly wants me to get into medical school and my father law school. No pressure. I was calculating mathematical formulas and had to finish an essay for English. I finished math quickly and began to work on English. Suddenly I heard "Can't you see there's nothing I'd rather do, but try to make it up to you?" I looked up. It was just my radio. Daughtry's 'Feels Like Tonight'. I ignored it. Well, I tried to. I couldn't. I could feel tears in my eyes. I wiped them with my shirt, and tried to get myself together. No luck. Shit. It wasn't over though. Not until Sophia and I worked things out. This time, I wouldn't involve Nina or let her be. I had to fix this myself. She was strumming on her guitar when I walked into her room. She looked up. "What do you want?" she said. Ouch. But I ignored the insult. "I-I'm sorry. I was trying to protect you." I said. " I know." she said, adjusting her cushion. "Then why did you get mad?" I said. "Why did you call him out on his shit?" she said. I was surprised to hear a curse come out of those plump lips. "Because I love you." I said. She looked up. "You finally said it. I loved him, but I also loved you. I loved him more." she said. I was shocked and hurt at the same time. "Y-you loved me?" I said. "Note the past tense." she said. Ouch. She was good. I noticed a book called If. "What's this about?" I asked, picking it up. "It's about five friends growing apart. One is dating a player, one is slowly becoming the most popular girl in school, one is a nerd, one's emo, and one is trying to hold on to an old spark." "Interesting." I said. It was. Interesting context and concept, a lot of big words used, a lot of drama from what I could see. There was even a chapter titled Catfight. Soph was almost done, from where her bookmark was. But then, I saw what her bookmark was. A school picture of ME. Me, who'd ripped her heart apart. She grabbed the bookmark and the book, and slapped me. I didn't cry then. I left. I went home and went to bed. Then I started crying. I heard yelling. I had about enough. That man had to go. I went downstairs. I saw him shoving my mother against the fridge. I quickly grabbed his waist and tried to pull him off. He hit me and pushed me on the floor. He grabbed my neck and began to choke me. Then I died. I remember seeing my body being rushed to the hospital. I saw Jesus. "It's not your time." was all He said. I also saw my guardian angel. He helped me back down to Earth. The next day, I saw Tony holding my hand, Nina crying behind him. "Dad's been arrested." Tony said. "He'll go to jail for attempted murder. "I died." I said. "I know. Mom's also been hurt, he stabbed her in the chest. She'll have to divorce him now. She can't change him." "Where's Sophia?" I asked. "She tried to kill herself. She slit her neck. Kalonice came to see her. He apologized to her and they made up." I wished Tony hadn't told me that. But I needed to know it, so he did. Damn. Shoot. Blast. Oh, well. Two days later we were sitting in Nina's room. Me, Michael, Logan, and Nina. Michael had his arm around her tiny waist, and she had her left arm over his shoulder. They were sitting on her bed. Logan and I were sitting on the floor. Logan was leaning back and absorbing the sunlight. It made his red hair look brighter. "So, that's it." I told them. "I just sat down on the couch and started watching Gilmore Girls." "Nice." Michael said. "Alexis Bledel has pretty hair." Nina play-punched him. "That's it? You weren't upset?" Logan said. "I was, but I wasn't surprised anymore. I think it's time to let Sophia go. I made plenty of mistakes and I meant well with them, but this has gotten out of hand. Over the past couple of months the only thing anyone ever gossiped about at school was me. I'm tired of it." "Not anymore." Nina said. "Billy got arrested again." "Typical." Logan said. "He got arrested when he tried to knife him." he said. pointing his thumb at me. "Yeah, but this is even more serious. Everyone knows he didn't only bully Tobias, he bullied David and Chris as well. Well, he tried to bully Chris Chris is way too popular." "Thanks a lot." I snapped. "I didn't say you weren't popular." Nina shot back. "Is it me, or are all of Billy's "victims" blond?" Michael asked. We were all silent. It did seem kind of strange. Nina got up and got on her desktop. "Tom Paers, history. Tried to knife Tobias Grass, who defended himself by twisting his opponent's arm around, arrested for robbery. Wow. I didn't know that. Victim was an African American man who tried to walk away, but Tom put a knife againt his arm and threatened to cut him if he didn't hand over his wallet." I didn't know he'd tried to rob a man, either. Nina continued reading. "Here's something else. When he was five years old, his beautiful blond sixteen year old sister committed suicide. She was apparently bullied by a "spoiled, dirty rotten brat" according to his mother. OH MY GOD, come check out this website!" We all peered at the monitor. It was a website called StopTomPaers.com. It had all his victims names and photos, including mine. "Nina, what exactly did he do this time?" Logan asked. Nina hesitated. "He tried to murder Kalonice." she said. I felt a chill go up my spine. "Soph and another couple witnessed it. He held a gun against K's stomach.Soph tried to twist his arm around like Tobias did, but he knocked her to the ground, causing some major bruises and scratches. The gun went off when she hit the ground, and Tom missed Kalonice's chest by inches. Mom and Dad want Soph to go into therapy, She needs it, and she knows it." I turned, and saw Sophia lingering in the doorway. "Are you all right?" Logan asked her. "Yeah, I'm fine." she said. If 'major bruises and scratches' could talk, hers would be yelling. She wore a thin tank top that was cut up, showing lots of cleavage, and her shorts were very short. I don't know why, but I wanted to push her onto a bed and kiss her and screw her and tell her everything would be okay. Nina would kill me, though. "Michael, your dad's here." "Okay." he and Nina kissed, we pumped fists, he waved at Logan and Sophia and left. Sophia went to her room. "Anything else?" Logan said, directing the conversation back to Billy. "There is something else. Actually, a couple things. He tried to change his name, but never did. Another thing. There is a website dedicated to Catherine Paers. Here's her picture." There was a gorgeous blond girl with brown eyes on the screen. "He doesn't care about the eyes. I have brown eyes, David blue, and Chris blue-green." I said. "Totally. His sister has beautiful blond hair. Hmm." Nin said. I wasn't sure what to say or do. Billy had been arrested. My name and photo were out there without my permission. I was in Science taking notes. I wondered who sat from me at that angle. Then it hit me. Sophia! "She's a master at texting and picture taking without anyone knowing. She could have very well done this." Nina said. "Him bullying you, Tobias, is the biggest reason she dumped his sorry ass. She knows how handle a computer, too. Almost better than Jason Lerak." she said, making a face and referring to a super-nerd who has a big crush on her. I walked into Sophia's room. She was listening to Breaking Benjamin's Diary of Jane. My stomach twisted into a huge knot as I saw the book she was reading. It was called How To Get Over a guy. "It's my fault." I muttered. She looked up. "This whole thing is completely my fault. I should have been totally honest with you from the start. Sophia, I started liking you after I broke up with that one girl.I love you. I've loved you since this summer, after I saw you at Walmart browsing through makeup." To my surprise, she giggled and blushed. "I love you too, Tobias." she said, putting her book down. "I'm sorry. I made mistakes, too. I broke up with Billy. I know that wasn't a mistake, but then Kalonice came back into my life....I fell hard for him, Tobias. I know he's too old for me, and he's abusive. I didn't care then. I do now. I can still be friends with him, but nothing else." I noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing any makeup. She was gorgeous without it. I walked toward her. She looked down at her feet. Her hair wasn't necessarily wavy or straight. It was sexy. I sat on her bed near her hips, and leaned down. She closed her eyes. We kissed. Kissed like we'd never kissed before. Her lips were plump and soft and supple. Her breath tasted like lavender. Lavender is a gorgeous good smelling flower. It's also edible. I noticed a poem. I picked it up without thinking. "It's not finished yet," Sophia said quickly.     My Undying Love by Sophia Martinez Roses are red like his lips, his eyes are Brown like chocolate, his hair is blond like every beautiful guy's hair should be, his belly is round but I don't care, his personality makes up for all his flaws. His name is Tobias Shane Grass, and he's like a daisy in a garden of poison ivy. "I know, it sucks." "What kind of poem is it?" "Idk. A poem that doesn't rhyme." she answered. I searched my memory banks for the name. Free verse. "Free verse." I said. Soph shrugged and went back to her book. "What are you reading?" "It's called Complete Me. It's about a girl who falls head-over-heels for a guy. It's not long before he finds another girl and the first one goes pyscho. She pretty much ruins her reputation." "Ah. That sounds interesting. How is it?" "It's great, it's better than I thought it would be. I go to the city library a lot, so I read different things. I like reading." She could have been gorgeous and sweet, but that really turned me on. Above all, I like smart girls. An hour later, I emerged from her room, lipstick on my face, lube on my member, yes, I had sex with Sophia. It was awesome. Tony was waiting with a big stupid grin on his face. "Shut up." I said.   "I didn't say anything." "You were about to." "I'm so proud of you." "Silence is beauty." "You're beautiful, then." he said. I proceeded to give him a "you're weird" look. "Dude, I was out there for forty minutes. Nina said she'll slap you next time she sees you. She said if you break her sister's heart, she twist you into a little ball for her cat to play with." "Okay." I was in choir two days later. I'm a bass. I have one of the deepest voices in the school. "Nice. Guys, be careful. It's in your high voice." said Mr. Ira, the teacher. We were singing The Power of Love by Air Supply. We were also singing My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, and Love Potion #9. In addition to that, we had to learn the song Hello by Dragonette. Notice a theme? Well, except for Hello. The girls were leading Hello and My Heart Will Go On. The guys were leading The Power of Love and Love Potion #9. Sophia, Nina, Maureen, Chloe, and Ruth were all in that class. I noticed Chloe kept looking at me. She'd turn her head during a pause or during guys only parts. "Also, I have an announcement. As you know, many of you stayed at the middle school because of overcrowding at the high school.There would have been way too many people there. Well now. we're going to add everyone there. This month. So go home and inform your parents." Mr. Ira said, touching his large stomach. I told my mother, who hugged me. "That's brilliant, Tobias." "It really is. Whatever." "Dinner's ready." Mom usually changes the subject when she thinks I don't want to talk about something. She was right. I knew I'd miss my teachers and other people I'd met. But I also knew high school would be better. I browsed through a used bookstore that night. My stomach was totally full, I'd eaten roast beef and cabbage and Mom had made homemade ice cream. Yum. Tony needed to find a book that Keisha had recommended, and he'd asked me to come along. Suddenly, I saw It and Complete Me. I picked them up, looked around to make sure no one else seemed to want them, and flipped through them. A passage from Complete Me read: "I could not believe it. After all I'd done for him? That jerk would pay!" A passage from It read: "Ashley Vercolena. The most popular and well-known girl in school. I destined to be like her." I know they were both only three sentences, well, one was just a name, but they both looked good and they reminded me of Sophia. I also found another book I was looking for, Jilted By Love. It was about a couple who were both Tony's age and found each other at a dance for multiple schools. The girl was jilted by her current boyfriend, who kissed her best friend at the dance, the boy was jilted by his girlfriend who kissed his best friend. He asked the first girl to dance at a slow song, and they fell in love. I purchased the books and started to walk to Tony's truck, when I heard a girl say, "Damn. I swear they were here." I turned and I saw you-know-who. She smiled at me, saw I had the books she was looking for, and laughed out loud. "You never cease to amaze me." she said. "I know." I said. We hugged, and my fingers lingered on her long brown hair. It was so incredibly sexy, I was overwhelmed by it. We shared a quick kiss. "Sophia?" "Hmm?" "See you tomorrow." "See you." It felt good seeing her. I knew I'd finally chosen the right girl. She wasn't perfect, but she wasn't not perfect either. That personality of hers was the best I'd ever seen in a girl. Besides Nina, of course. My best friend winked at me. I winked back. When I got home, I suddenly felt a burst of happiness. I had a new girlfriend, Billy would leave me alone, and I was losing weight. Everything was perfect. Too perfect. Sure, Sophia and I were sending each other raunchy messages, and Tony and Keisha's new song was "One Step At A Time" by Jordin Sparks.   I glanced into Tony's room. Keisha's head was on Tony's chest. She was sleeping, and Tony was stroking her relaxed hair. Her ebony skin against Tony's pale stomach was an interesing contrast. She screamed like Princess Xena when she and Tony...um...did it. Tony kissed her cheek softly. "I love you." he whispered in her ear. Her hand fell on his chest. He held it. I just smiled, then walked off. So, my brother had finally found The One. Before, he said that Keisha was "some black chick that was probably a virgin because she's too nice". Boy, was he wrong. Keisha had a spice about her, and it was attractive. She always smells like Spanish Amber, which is nice. Her face isn't plain. She experiments with her makeup, but she never looks like she's trying too hard. Her hair is nice, too. Soft and silky. I know because she whipped her head around once to answer a question my father asked her and her hair hit my face. It smelled like watermelon and strawberries. Fortunately she didn't know, it's so long. It's down to her waistline. I heard beautiful music coming from Sophia's room. It was soothing, almost magical. She was vacuuming her room. She wore a white tank top with loose-fitting pink plaid shorts. She turned and saw me, and turned the vacuum off. She smiled. She walked toward me in a sexy way. We grabbed a handful of each other's hair, and kissed. "I love you." I said. "I love you too." And right then, I knew we'd be together forever. At least for a while. Text: People may use phrases and notes. All music artists and songs are real except the Shorty one which Nina mentions. All rights reserved. Publication Date: June 25th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-redhead16

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-queen-blue-moon/

Queen Blue Moon sharniyvia, and sakayla my bestieessss Chapter 1 Emily Halls Megan Halls Caroline Meal Cole Ugey Ella Payne Josh Hernandez Valeria Cuite T.J. Halls Conner Randall Dylan Turnip Terrance James Brandon Halls stanley Martin Jaylin Meal Gayrell Randall Chris Cross Lexi Halls Stella Martin Edwin Halls Jason Blue Savaria Cuite Chloe Rebecca Meal Christine Looney Chrystal Looney Astro Carrissle Micheal Jade Aleric Angla Noah Ethan Anthony Ashley Roderick Avion Eric Zeke Daniel Bonnie Damon Clouse Jeremy Henry Blue Chapter 2 I won't name anymore Chapters I've never given much thought to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go. "Bye mom, I love you." i said to my mother one last time before I boarded my flight to Forks. "Bye Stella. I love you too." She said with tears in her eyes. You see, my mom remarried recently to an NBA player named LeBron James and he travels a lot. My mom stays home with me but I know she wants to travel with him. So, I've decided to go live with my dad, Stanley in Forks. When I got off the plane in Forks, my dad was in the airport waiting for me. We didn't talk much on oour way to his house. * * * Stanley showed me to my room. It wasn't that much different from my from when I was little. It still had my old toys, but now it had a Queen sized bed instead of a twin bed. There was also a computer desk with a laptop on it. I heard people talking outside, so I looked out my window, and there were some people and a really old blue truck. I went outside to see who it was. "Oh Stella, this is Henry Blue and his son Jason." My dad said. I nodded said hi to them . Jason smiled and said hey and Henry said hello. "So Stella, what do you think?" Stanley asked me. "About what?" I said confused. "I just bought this truck off of Henry." He said. "Oh my gosh! Thanks dad." I said happily. I got in my turck and Jason got in the passenger side. "You'll have to double pump the clutch, but other than that it should run great." He said. "Kay thanks." I said. "So do you need a ride to school or something?" I asked. "Nah I go to school on the reservation," He replied. "That's too bad. It would've been nice to know one person." I said. * * * My truck made a deafening noise as I rode down the street to Forks High School. When I pulled into the parking lot, all eyes were on me because of my truck's loud noise. I got out of my truck and slammed the door shut. "Nice ride." a boy said with tiny little dredlocks in his head. "Yeah thanks," I mumbled and I heard his friends laughing as I walked away. I walked into the office and got my schedule. "Hey you're Bella Martin right?" says a nerdy looking kid. "That's not my FUCKING name! My name is Stella." I yelled at him. "Okay sorry Stella." He said, obviously scared. "It's okay." I said cheerfully. "Ookay? Well my name's Ethan." He said with a smile. During my classes, I met some really nice people. I met this girl named Chloe, who is nice but she talks to fucking much. and I met Angla who is quiet and really nice. I also met Anthony who abviously has a crush on me but he is ugly as shit. I met Noah too. He also has a crush on my. Why all these ugly ass people like me!?! But anyways, thats all the people I met. I walked to lunch and Chloe said that I could sit with her and her friends.That's when I saw them. "Who are they?" I asked to no one in particular. Chloe followed my gaze. "Oh they're the Halls." "The pretty one with the blonde hair, that's Gayrell and the one with the reddish brown hair is Edwin, Gayrell's boyfriend. They're together. Like together together. The tiny girl with the black hair is Lexi. She's like really wierd." "And you're a whore!" Lexi shouted back. "Anyways, she's withe the blonde boy who looks like he's in pain." "His name is Conner." "Bitch, I'll show you some pain!" Conner yelled at her. I stared at them in surprise. "They've never acted like that before." Chloe said sadly. "Who's he?" I asked as a really buff dude walked into the cafeteria. "Oh that's Brandon Halls. He's totally gorgeous obviously. Buuuttt apparently nobody here is cute enough for him. Heha like I care." She said. 'She totally cares.' I thought to myself. I smiled to myself thinking of him turning her down. I looked over at him and he was starring out the window but I could tell that he was smiling. Then, the bell rang for lunch to be over. I walked to my next class, Biology. When I walked in, I sat down beside Brandon because it was the only seat left. "Hi, I'm Stella Martin." I said, trying to start a conversation. He rolled his eyes and looked out the window. "Fine, don't answer me then." I mumbled. "Im Brandon Halls." he said with an attitude. "Well don't get a attitude with me. All I did was said hey!" I yelled. "Well don't fucking talk to me if you don't want to hear my attitude.!" he yelled back. "Fine bastard." I said "Fine" he said. Then, the teacher told us to get out of his class. "Asshole." I mumbled under my breath. I got up and walked out of the class. He turned left so I turned right. I wanted to be no where near him. I started my truck up and went home. When I got home I cooked Stanley some dinner and went to sleep. * * * I woke up and got ready for school. I was kinda in a rush for some reason. When I got to school, I walked into the cafeteria and sat down beside Chloe. "Brandon Halls is staring at you. " She said out of the blue. I turned around to look at him and....yep he was staring at me. "Pedophile." I muttered under my breath, and I swear I heard him laugh. In first period, I sat down beside him. "So I'm a pedophile huh?" he asked. "Yes. Yes you are. Now please stop talking to me." I said. "Yes ma'am." he laughed. I rolled my eyes and tried to pay attention to the teacher, but too many questions were going through my head. Why is staring so hard? Does he hate me or not? What did I ever do to him? Oh wait, I cursed him out. Nevermind. The bell rang interrupting me from my thoughts. Time for P.E., my best class. Which I also have with Brandon. Were were playing basketball today. Girls against boys. They lost, we won, we're awesome!!!! * * * I went into the locker room and got dressed. I went outside and stood by my truck. I looked over at Brandon who was standing beside his car staring at me again. That's when I heard a loud squeal and anthony's truck was coming around the corner at me, full speed. Suddenly Brandon as by my side and he pushed me out of the way and stopped the van with his HAND! Wait am I tripping? Naw he did that. After all this happened, an ambulance came to get me and took me to the hospital. * * * I woke up in a hospital bed. "Oh Stella, you're awake! I'm soo sorry!" I looked to my left and I saw Anthony on the bed next to me and his head was bleeding. "Yeah I'm sorry too that you almost fucking killed me!" I yelled. "Stella I'm sorry tha-" he began, but I cut him off. "Please shut up" I yelled. Ouch I got a headache. Then a very young and cute doctor walked into the room. "Sorry Stella!" Anthony said, AGAIN. "Dr. will you please tell him to shut up?" I asked the doctor. "She doesn't want to har you fucking apologies, now shut the fuck up and lay yo ass down." The doctor said calmly. "Hey I like you!" I told the doctor. "I'm doctor Halls but you can call me T.J." he said. "Hey are you Brandon's dad?" I asked. "yep" he said popping the 'p'. "Oh" I said sadly. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I don't think he likes me much. On the first day of school he was looking like he wanted to kill me!" I said. "That nigga did what? Take two of these, I'll be back. " He handed me a bottle of tylenol and walked out of the room. I heard a lot of yelling and then T.J. walked back into the room and smiled at me. "He said he didn't mean anything by it." He said. "Okay." I smiled at him. "So yeah you're good to go." He said. "Alright bye." I said. "Peace out my nigga.!" He yelled. I laughed on my way out the door. When I got out into the main lobby, I saw Brandon talking to his sister Gayrell. "Hey can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. Gayrell glared at me and alked away. "What?" he asked. "H-How did you get over to me so fast?" I stuttered. "I was standing right next to you Stella." He said. "No you weren't!" "Yes I was." he said and walked away. "Stupid motherfucker." I said. That night I went home and got on google. I typed in the words 'super strength'. I clicked on something random and a few words popped out like 'strength','white',and 'sucks up blood'. Holy sweet lord Jesus. This nigga a tampon! * * * The next day at school, I sat with Chloe at breakfast, then I went to first period. I sat next to Brandon and that nigga was staring at me again. I ignored hom for the whole first half of the day. At lunch time, I sat with Chloe and her friends again. I looked at the Halls table out of habbit and there were only four people at the table. I looked around the cafeteria for Brandon. He was sitting at the table by his self across the room from where he usually sits. I rolled my eyes at him again and sat down. "Brandon is staring at you again." Chloe said. I looked at him and he motioned for me to come here. "Does he mean you?" Chloe asked. "Let me go see what this fool want." I said. I got up and walked over to him. "What?" I asked. "How about you sit with me today?" He asked. I sat down quietly. "You look worried." he pointed out. "I know what you are." I said quietly. He looked shocked for a minute. "And what exactly is that?" he asked. "A tampon." I said quietly. "Idiot" he coughed. "How am I an idiot?" I asked. "Because I'm a vampire.!" he yelled. "Forrealz?" "Yep" he said. "Oh okay." I said. "You're not worried?" he asked. "Nope." I said. "So you were worred when you thought I was a tampon, but now you're not worried?" he asked. "Exactly." I said. "You know you're strange right?" he said. "Yes. Yes I know I'm strange." I said. "Cool" he said. "Sooo, you eat people?" I asked. "No." He said. "But that's what vampires do." I accused. "My family and I only eat animals." he said. "I thought there was no such thing as vegetarian vampires?" I asked. "Myth" he said. Burnt by sun?" "Myth." Stake in the heart?" "Myth" "Oooooh." I understand now. "Soo...." Awkward silence. I got up and walked to P.E. I tried to walk super fast but he kept pace with me easily. "I don't think we should be friends." he said. "It's a little late for that, but why not.?" I asked. "I'm dangerous for you." he said quietly. "Uh in case you haven't noticed, I'm dangerous for myself." I said "Yeah." he said. "Asshole." he muttered. "What did I do?!" I yelled. "Not you, him." he said, pointing at Noah. "What did he do?" "Look Stella,I can read every mind in the world apart from yours." "Is something wrong with me?" I asked worried. "I tell you I can read minds, and you're you're worried, that something is wrong with you?" he asked. "Well obviously." I muttered. The the bell rang for us to go to class. We walked down the hall together and he looked worried. "What's wrong with you?," I asked. "Oh I'm just waiting for you to run away screaming." he said. "I don't care what you are. Like I said, It's too late to turn back now." I whispered as I looked down at my hands. "You don't care that I'm a monster?" he asked in disbelief. I looked him in the eyes and whispered, "no." Then he brought his lips to mine, and kissed me. I swear my heart was about to jump out of my chest. when he pulled back, he looked me into my eyes and said, "Stella Nicole Martin, will you be my girlfriend?" I smiled really big. "Yes." I whispered. "Good because tomorrow is Saturday and you're coming to meet my family," he said. "Umm I don't think Gayrell likes me very much," I muttered. "Don't worry about her, she'll come around sometime." he said assuringly. "Okay but if she get a attitude with me, Imma get one back." I said. "Umm okay," he laughed. * * * At home, I quickly went to sleep so the next day would come sooner. In the morning, I jumped out of bed very cheerfully. I got in the shower and washed my hair. when I got out the shower, I blow-dried my hair and curled it. I put on a brown long sleeved sweater, dark blue skinny jeans, and brown snow-boots.Right after I was done, I heard a car horn. I looked outside my window, and Brandon was outside in his silver BMW. I ran downstairs, and out the front door. He opened the passenger door for me, and I got in quietly. Now I'm really nervous. "So can other people in your family read minds like you can?" I asked curiously. "No that's just me, but Lexi sees visions of the future, and Conner can control people's emotions" he siad. "Oh ok." I said. By now we were at his house. I looked at his house. I was really surprised by what I saw. It was so...open. One wall was completely glass. I stared at the house with my mouth open. "Surprising isn't it?" he asked. "Very." I breathed. He took my hand and led me into the house. We walked into the living room, and all his family was there. What's up Stella?" T.J. yelled. "Hey T.J." I said back. Brandon looked at us confused. "We really bonded at the hospital." I explained. "Aaahh" he said and nodded his head. "Hi Stella, I'm Emily" his mother said kindly. "Hi" I said, going into shy mode again. Then all of a sudden I felt completely calm and at ease. I looked and Conner and he looked at Brandon with his eyebrows raised. "Yeah, she knows." Brandon laughed. "Oh well in that case, I'm Conner Randall," he said with his hand out. "Hi" I said shaking his hand. "Hi Stella, I'm Lexi!" Brandon's sister said.Her voice sounded like wind chimes. She practically danced across the room to me and gave me a hug. I blushed, but I hugged her back. "Aww she's blushing!" Edwin yelled and pulled me into a hug, which caused me to blush even more. Gayrell didn't say anything so neither did I. Then Brandon picked me up and ran up the stairs in like, a half a second, and took me to his room. "Why do you have a be?" I asked, looking at the blue king sized bed in the middle of his room. "To look normal" he explained. "So you don't sleep?" I asked. "Nope vampires can't sleep." He said. "Oh." I said. Then he started looking at me with this creepy look. "Are you trying to scare me?" I asked. "No." he said, but I could tell he was lying. "You're not as scary as you think you are, ya know." I said. "Oh you really shouldn't have said that." he said, before showing his gleaming teeth. Then he flipped me around and tackled me to the bed. The headboard hit the wall. I looked up and he was on top of me. "Scared yet?" he said sarcastically. "Nope" I said. "Liar, I can hear your heartbeat." he laughed. "Can we come in?" a soft voice asked. I looked towards the door and Lexi and Conner were standing in the doorway. I blushed and looked at Brandon and he re-arranged us so taht I was sitting on his lap. Lexi danced to the middle of the room and sat on the floor, criss-cross apple sauce. Brandon rolled his eyes dramatically. "Well," Lexi began, "there's a thunderstorm tonight and T.J. wants to go play ball and we were wondering if you wanted to come. Brandon looked at me and I shrugged. "Sure." he said. and Lexi stood up. "Let's go see if Edwin and Gayrell are coming."She told Conner. "Okay but you already know what they're goin to say." he said. Then she dance out of the room, with Conner right behind her. Lexi's so graceful. I bet she could make the world's greatest ballerina cry any day of the week. "So..why do yall wait until a thunderstorm to play, and what kind of ball are we playing?" I asked. "You'll see." he said Publication Date: February 2nd 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-awesomemade

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-walt-sautter-the-divine-comedy-mmix/

Walt Sautter The Divine Comedy MMIX THE DIVINE COMEDY MMIX By Walt Copyright Sautter 2010 ACT I NARRATOR It's a beautiful day in heaven, blue skies, occasional white puffy clouds, a light breeze and of course, perfect temperature. It's an everyday in heaven! (GABRIELE enters with wings and wearing a white robe. GOD old man in a white robe, with flowing white beard. God is in His splendor, seated on his throne.) GOD "Why are you always sneaking up on me like that? Can't you flap a wing or something to let me know you're here?" GABRIELE "Sorry Sir! I just kinda thought that you knew I was here. You being all-knowing and such." GOD "That's right, I am all-knowing, but I use the all-knowing for the big stuff, like keeping the planets going the right way and the sun working; not to check out the little stuff, like you sneaking up on me all the time. So what is it that you want?" GABRIELE "Well Sir, there's a lot of talk going on down there lately. GOD "Talk about what? Where?" GABRIELE "Earth, of course Sir. They’re talk about the Second Coming. The Rapture!" GOD "The raptors. Don't tell me that they’re extinct already? I planned on having them around for at least another hundred thousand years! What did it? That global warming thing? Wait till I get my hands on... On second thought, let me call Al Gore." GABRIELE "No Sir! Rapture! Not raptor!" GOD "Oh! Rapture! (God pauses and hesitates) "You know when you get to be my age, eternal that is, sometimes your hearing starts to go." GABRIELE "Why don't you just fix it? You could do it with a wave of your hand." GOD (With a somber look) "When you get to be eternal, the hands don't wave so good either. Anyway, tell me more about this Rapture thing." GABRIELE "Well, lots of people are saying Jesus is coming back and soon!" GOD "He was just there a couple thousands years ago. What do they want? Do they want him to move in full time? Isn't once in a while, like every million years or so, enough for them? Hey, I'm like everybody else, I want some quality time with my kid too! I don't want him going on all these long business trips all the time. Last time he was gone thirty-three years!" GABRIELE "I'm just telling you what I hear and I think maybe we should pay attention this time before things get out of hand. Remember that the Tower of Babel thing? They were working on it for over forty years before we really took them seriously? We don't want to go through that stuff again, do we?" (God pauses and thinks hard. He strokes His long, white beard and then runs His fingers back through His long white, hair as He thinks.) GOD "I think you're right. I remember, I had to go all the way down to Earth and do the many tongues to show them who was boss. It was a pain! I had to come up with a zillion different languages and don't think that was easy to do on the spur of the moment like that! It was almost as bad as the Sodom and Gomora thing. It smelled like brimstone around here for weeks. And parting the Red Sea; do you know what it’s like to pull that off without a special effects department?” GABRIELE "So what's the first we thing we should do for this Second Coming?" GOD "First of all, let's not calling it the "Second Coming" because you just know that if we do that then they'll want a "Third Coming" and the then a forth and fifth. Get what I mean? We don't want to keep encouraging sequels." GABRIELE "Absolutely right as usual Sir.” (Gabrielle thinking out loud) "Let's see we can't call 'Here We Go Again'. How about 'Coming - Phase Two", no!" (Gabrielle with a look of inspiration) "How about 'Second Coming - Smackdown II' GOD "'Smackdown' is already copyrighted." GABRIELE I got it! 'The Second Coming - This Time We're Kickin' Ass'" GOD "Are you kidin'? How would that make me look in the New New Testament? GABRIELE "What about - 'Second Coming - The Final Chapter'?" GOD "No, I told you I don't like that 'second' idea. O.K.! I got it! 'The Final Rapture Chapter'. It makes it clear that this is the last time and even better it rhymes." GABRIELE "It's very catchy but way too first century. I think we've got to be more hip. How about 'Rap It Up'? It's to the point and pretty slick. Besides, if we advertise it's very little copy. It'll help to keep costs down!" (God and Gabrielle look at each other with profound satisfaction.) GABRIELE "Well now how do we get that message out? We've got to get some good PR out in front of this thing to make it work. Let's see. Billboards might work. How about TV talk shows? If we could get on Larry King? Maybe infomercials? Like the Flowbee, the Chia Pet or the Ginsu." GOD "Maybe we need something really dramatic to make our presence known, like a gigantic earthquake, a huge tidal wave, a cataclysmic meteor strike or a baldness cure that really works." GABRIELE "I don't like the earthquake and that stuff. It would kill off a good part of the audience. I think we ought to go with some conventional advertising and if that doesn't work then we do the earthquake, tidal wave kind of stuff. Or maybe you could go down there on a cloud with a thunder and lightning show. The kind of thing you did with Moses that time." GOD "The on a cloud stuff again! No way! If you think I'm going to go through all that, you're crazy! The staging, the special effects, the speech writing - you know how I hate public speaking - I haven't done it in centuries! (God pauses) Alright - we'll start small and see how it goes." GABRIELE "But, you know, before we do anything else I think we better tell Jesus about this." GOD "Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him lately." GABRIELE "Don't you remember Sir? You gave him a little vacation time after his last trip" GOD "Two thousand years! A 'little vacation time'? Go get him and tell him I want to see him." NARRATOR Gabriele, as commanded goes to find Jesus. The very first place he looks is Beach Heaven. He's known to hang out there. The sand is cloud white, the temperature is just perfect and the waves - the waves are a surfer paradise, of course! GABRIELE "Have you seen Jesus? His Father wants to see him." BEACH ANGEL "Jesus?" (with a faint giggle) "He was here just a little while ago. He was some of his surfing tricks. He did a couple of perfect laybacks and a three sixty and .." (Gabriele interrupts) GABRIELE "Sure, I know - I know! But where is he now?" BEACH ANGEL "He left about two hours I think he said he was going over to Pebble Paradise Country Club." NARRATOR Gabriele flies over the golf course to find Jesus. The course is perfect, of course. He finds Jesus on the eighteenth hole, a par three. Jesus is at the tee ready to tee off as Gabriele walks up. JESUS "Why are you sneaking up on me like that on my back swing? Now look what you made me do!" NARRATOR The ball flies off towards a nearby pond. Jesus quickly waves His hand and the pond instantly freezes, the ball bounces off the ice onto the green and lands in the hole. Jesus takes out his scorecard and writes down a one. JESUS "Let's see. That's a nineteen today." GABRIELE "Nineteen? What happened?" JESUS "It was Satan again. He always seems to know when to call to ruin my game. He called my cell phone on fourteen just as I hit my shot. I didn't have time to do my hand wave thing and I had to take a two! And the hell of it all he really didn't have anything new to say just the same old stuff. 'Would I meet him in the desert this afternoon? Would I go for a hike with him up to the cliff overlook? Would I throw myself off the cliff and save myself?' What does he think I'm crazy? We already went through that stuff. Remember? Why does he keep calling me? GABRIELE "I don't know. Some guys never quit! They just can't take no for an answer. It's a personally flaw! He's just got a personally flaw." JESUS "So what do you want? " GABRIELE "Your dad wants to see you." JESUS "About what?" (JESUS pauses for a moment and then continues.) "I hope it's not like the last time He called me. I listened to one of His ideas and if I remember correctly, things didn't work out that good for me. But if He calls I guess I have to go." (JESUS hands His golf club to MICHEAL His caddy and GABRIELLE and He leave together to see the Father.) GOD "My Son! How have you been? Enjoying your vacation I hope." (As he put arm around JESUS'S shoulder and huge him tightly) JESUS "Yes Dad. I've been fine and I've had a great vacation but I have the feeling it's about to end. Am I right?" GOD "Now what makes you say that Son?" JESUS "Well, for one your halo is not quite as bright as usual as a matter of fact it's pulsating a bit. That generally means you've got something on your mind." (An angel to God’s left immediately holds up a mirror. GOD looks at his halo in the mirror.) GOD "Omniscient as usual Jesus." (God pauses and then continues) "Here's the story. Gabrielle has told me that the multitudes on Earth are expecting you to come back, and soon." (God again pauses and looks straight at Jesus who says nothing) "We've decided to grant them their wish. We've even come up with an official title for the event -'Rap It Up'. "Pretty MMCst century? What do you think?" JESUS (with a scowl) "What do I think? Are you kidding? Count me out! And by the way, who's the 'we' decided?" GOD "Well, Gabrielle and I." GABRIELE (Interjects quickly in a timid voice) "I chimed in here and there but I'm not real decider. You know that only your Father can be the real decider." JESUS "Why would I want to do that again? Do you remember the last time?" GOD (smiles as he speaks) "Because you're The Lamb of God, The Savior of Man, The King of Kings, The - " JESUS (Jesus interrupts) "Oh give it up. You can't sweet-talk me again. I'm not going! No way!" GOD (with a frown and his stern voice) "Who's the Dad and who's the Son around here. (he pauses) Remember that day you spent in Hell after the Resurrection. How would like a couple weeks down there to think this over?" JESUS (Now in a meek tone) "But Dad, you wouldn't do that. Remember you're all loving and stuff." GOD "You've heard of tough love my boy? This is it! Now let's plan this out." JESUS "Let's hope it's a better plan than the last time." GOD "First, we've got to find another virgin. We can't use Mary again. If we send her down with that costume of hers they will all think she's a Muslim! We've got to come up with someone a little more hip. Somebody more with it. Gabriele, that's going to be your job again. (God snaps His fingers and Gabrielle disappears Gabrielle finds himself on Earth in his quest to find a virgin. He suddenly appears in San Francisco in the middle of the Gay Pride Parade.) PARADE MARCHER (Dressed in a bikini top and bottom and wearing a plumed headdress and dancing to the blaring disco music in the background) "Hey Honey, how did you do that anyway? All of a sudden, here you are! You're a cutie too!" (as they continue to march) "And where did you get that costume? Those wings, they look so real! What are you suppose to be - Cupid or something? But let me tell Honey you gotta fix that robe thing. You gotta get more skin going if you're going get a guy here. And where's the bow and arrow thing anyway?" GABRIELE "I'm here to find a virgin." PARADE MARCHER "Aren't we all! But I don't think it going to happen around here if you know what I mean." GABRIELE "No you don't understand. I was sent here by God to find a virgin." PARADE MARCHER "Hey Honey, that's a beautiful line but I really don't think it's going work. You gotta be more creative. That one has been used by more preachers and priests than you can shake a dick - I mean stick - at!" GABRIELE (Gabrielle stops and shouts as the Marcher turns away and continues to dance down the street with the parade leaving Gabrielle standing alone as the parade line passes) "No, God really sent me. I really mean it!" PARADE MARCHER (the Marcher shouts back) "Sure you do. Sure you do." NARRATOR "What's a angel to do? It looks like the job of finding a virgin is going to be a lot harder this time around." GABRIELE (Muttering to himself) "I can see already this is not going work. Let me call the Boss." (Gabrielle encounters a second marcher) "Is there a pay phone around here?" MARCHER NUMBER 2 "Sure sweetie. Down the street and to the right." (Gabrielle makes his way to the phone to find it with the hand piece cut off. A parade watcher interrupts him as he is staring at the useless pay phone) PARADE WATCHER (In an affected voice) "Need to make a call? It's not going happen on that. How about I let you use my cell?" GABRIELE "God bless you." PARADE WATCHER (as he hands the phone to Gabrielle) "Thank you but I don't think so." (Gabrielle dials the number G-O-D-1-A-N-D-O-N-L-Y-1) VOICE ON THE OTHER END "Thank you for calling GOD1ANDONLY1. Please listen to the following since our menu has changed. For the Father press 1, for Jesus, press 2 for the Holy Ghost press 3, for Saint Peter press..." (Gabrielle presses 1) VOICE ON THE OTHER END "Please be advised that all calls are recorded for training purposes only." (A busy signal comes from the phone. Gabrielle pushes the operator button) OPERATOR "That line is very busy. Let's see today is the Mega Ball Lottery drawing. Always lots of prayers coming in on that day. Would you like to leave a voice message?" GABRIELE "O.K." (in a disgusted tone) "God - this is Gabriele. GOD (in a loud voice) "I know! I know who it is. You've got to remember - I know everything! I know everyone who calls - always!" (in a whisper) "I've got caller ID." GABRIELE “Things aren't working out that good. You gotta beam me back up. I'm here in San Fran. Exactly where I'm not sure but you can find me on the GPS." (Gabrielle hangs up the phone and hands it back to the owner) PARADE WATCHER "So are you new in town?" (suddenly Gabrielle vanishes in front of the startled Parade Watcher) ACT II Back in God's Palace (Gabriele appears tired and frustrated) GABRIELE "Like I told you on the phone - this virgin thing -" (Gabrielle is interrupted by JC) JESUS "You know, maybe we shouldn't go the same route as before anyway. The last time I was born on Christmas and then I had to kind of just hang around for thirty years until I could start to get things going. A lot of wasted time and very boring! I say this time we hit the ground running!" GOD "I think maybe you're right. This time we'll send you down full-grown. Now, let's see, last time you started at thirty. Today, from what I hear, sixty is the new fifty and fifty is the new forty and so on. So, I guess we'll make you- oh - thirty-five to be on the safe side. What do you think?" JESUS "Well, that sounds pretty good but I've seen some of the thirty- five year olds and a lot of them aren't too pretty. The obesity epidemic and all. I'll go for the thirty-five deal but you gotta send me down in good shape and I want a membership in New York Sport's Club included! And just in case, sign me up for Nutrisystem too!" GOD "I suppose you'll want a 'Life Lift' too?" JESUS "If it comes with the package? Then, sure, why not!" GOD "Ok, then it's settled. Get your stuff together and we'll set you down tomorrow." JESUS "What stuff. You expect me to wear that old robe and sandals that I had before - do you? As a matter of fact, I think I left all that stuff behind after the Ascension. I haven't looked at that painting of me ascending in a long time but I seem to remember that I wasn't wearing the robe and sandal set then. All I had was a loincloth. Not too hip! I definitely need new threads. I gotta fit in so I can talk to my peeps. How about a MasterCard?" GOD "Threads. Peeps. What's going on here?" JESUS "I've got to practice my lingo so I can fit in with the homies right from the get go. You know the old 'thees and thys stuff' are definitely really old school now." GOD "Okay. Okay. Be here tomorrow morning at six" JESUS "Come on Dad! I haven't up at six in centuries. Just because you have to be up early to make sure the sun rises and stuff doesn't mean that I should. How about ten?" GOD "Alright." (muttering to himself) "What parents won't do for their kids these days!" (the next morning at ten o'clock in God's Palace) GOD "Well, are you two ready?" JESUS "You two?" GOD "You and Gab." JESUS "What! Are you sending him along to keep an eye on me?" GOD "Urr - Well, kinda" JESUS "Maybe you should have thought of that last time! All right! Let's go." (Jesus motions to Gabrielle, God waves his hand and they both disappear) (they both appear on Earth) GABRIELE "Where the heaven are we?" JESUS "I'm not really sure. With all this new technology anything can happen. You just can't trust electronics. The last time I sent my halo in to be fixed they sent it back and then the charger didn't work. (with a sigh) Then I had to resend it. It was still on warranty but the postage was killing me. Well, I think the first thing we have to do is get a bunch of homies together - you know - disciples. But this time fishermen are out! Did you ever hang around with those guys?" GABRIELE "No, not really." JESUS "The smell is awful! And to make it worst, they're always talking about how big this fish was and that fish was and how they almost caught Jaws. It's hard to deal with day after day after day. Frankly, it gets boring real fast!" (Gabriele bends down and picks up a discarded newspaper from the street) GABRIELE "Hey! Look here. 'Unemployment Rate Reaches 8 Percent' - we should be able to round up some apostles in no time." JESUS "Let me see that." (He reads the article at light speed - of course) JESUS "Let's get down to the Unemployment Office pronto. There's probably a zillion guys there looking for work." GABRIELE "How many do you think we'll need?" JESUS "Last time we had thirteen. I'm including Judas of course. Let me see - the biggest crowd we ever had was about five thousand and that was with a free meal. That was the 'Sermon on the Mount' gig. These days five thousand is nothing. A Jimmy Swaggart rally could draw that now. I don't want to do those dinner- theater crowds any more. I'm thinking more like the Billy Graham Crusade type this time. I think we need more front men to get the word out and really advertise. Let's find that office" (Jesus walks up to a car stopped at the light and taps on the window - the driver cracks the window slightly) JESUS "Excuse me.." DRIVER "No handouts pal. Get a haircut and shave and job. You bums make me sick!" (he rolls up the window and speeds off as the light changes) JESUS "Well, so much for the meek inheriting the Earth. I guess that's one beatitude I'll have to change." GABRIELE "Hey. Wait a minute. I think I see a sign down the street by that line of people. 'Department of Labor and Workforce Development' - that must be it." (they walk down the street and approach several men at the end of the line) GABRIELE "Hi fellows. My name's Gabriele and this is the Messiah. We've just come to Earth - this is our second time here - and we're looking to hire some disciples. Are any of you guys interested?" (there is no response and Gabriele continues) GABRIELE "Well, what do you say?" FIRST MAN IN LINE "No habla Engles" JESUS "Oh, he speaks Spanish. I’ll speak to him in Spanish." GABRIELE "I didn't know you spoke Spanish." JESUS "Of course! I can speak any language - well except - Ebonics always gave me a little trouble." JESUS (IN SPANISH) "Listen Hombres, here’s what he said - his name is Gabriele - like the Angel Gabriele and I'm the Messiah. What's your name?" FIRST MAN IN LINE "Jesus." JESUS "No. No. My name is Jesus." JESUS (IN ENGLISH TO GABRIELE) " I guess my Spanish needs some work. Let me try this again." JESUS (IN SPANISH) My name is Jesus. What is your name?" FIRST MAN IN LINE "Jesus." JESUS (IN ENGLISH TO GABRIELE) "I'm getting no where with this guy. I'll just call him 'primer hombre en la línea'. Hmm - That's a bit long. OK just 'primer hombre'." JESUS (IN SPANISH) "OK, Hombre Primer how would you and your amigos like a job with Gab and myself. You'll be kind of our Hispanic community organizer. Get the Latino crowd together. Promote our events. Hand out flyers. Make sure the sound system is working right. Hand out the free tacos at the show. Help clean up after. You know - kind of like our roadie No landscaping. Promise!" HOMBRE PRIMER "What's the hourly?" JESUS "What were you making at your last job? Now, tell me the truth. Remember, I'm the Messiah. I'll know if you're lying. And even worst I'll mark it down as a mortal sin!" HOMBRE PRIMER "Salario mínimo - and no time and half for overtime and no bennies. That was under the table - no taxman." JESUS "I can beat that! How about eight denarius an hour?" HOMBRE PRIMER "Eight what?" GABRIELE "Master - they don't use denarius any more!" JESUS (IN AN ANNOYED TONE) "I knew that! I knew that! I was just doing some arithmetic out loud. That's about seven fifty." JESUS (TO HOMBRE PRIMER) "Seven fifty an hour. That's the best I can do." HOMBRE PRIMER "What about medical?" JESUS "Medical? You don't need medical. Got a problem - I'll just cure you right on the spot. I'll even give you dental and optical. If you don't believe me get the Bible and check me out. It's all there. I’ve done blindness, leprosy - even death. All that without one day in med school!" HOMBRE PRIMER "Sounds good - of course we'll need a demonstration healing before we sign up." HOMBRE PRIMER (TURNS TO THE MAN NEXT TO HIM) "What do you think Jesus?" JESUS "I just told you." (Jesus realizes that the second man is named Jesus too) "Alright! Here we go again! You'll be el hombre número dos or how about just HOMBRE DOS. Now find me a leper and I'll show you." HOMBRE DOS "Why does he want a leopard?" HOMBRE PRIMER "No estupidez! He wants someone with leprosy!" HOMBRE DOS "We aint got no stinkin' lepers around here!" JESUS "Alright - Hombre Dos - come over here." (Hombre Dos walks over to Jesus" "Let me see your hand. Now watch this." (Jesus points to a wart on the man's hand. He waves his hand slowly over the wart. The wart remains) "Gab! Come over here and give me some help with this. I'm a little out of practice." (Gabriele walks over and they both wave their hands over the wart. The wart disappears! The Hombres stare in amazement) JESUS "Pretty good huh boys? Ok that will be five dollars." HOMBRE PRIMER "Five dollars? Why five dollars?" JESUS "Didn't I tell you? The plan comes with a five-dollar copay. Five dollars for regular medical miracles and twenty five for emergency miracles." (Hombre Dos begrudgingly hands Jesus five dollars and Jesus gives it to Gabriele) HOMBRE PRIMER "What about the tax deal? Under the table or what?" JESUS "Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto me what is mine." (Gab interrupts) GABRIELE "It's Uncle Sam now. That Caesar stuff was centuries ago." JESUS "OK! Give unto Uncle Solomon.." GABRIELE "No! Sam!" JESUS "I mean give to Uncle Sam what is Uncle Sam's and to me what is mine." HOMBRE PRIMER "What does that mean?" JESUS "You gotta pay taxes, man! Can't beat 'em except by lying or dying." HOMBRE PRIMER "OK. We'll be here tomorrow at nine." (Jesus and Gabriele leave the Hombres and walk down the street) GABRIELE "Well Boss, that's a good start. We've got the Hispanics covered. Now tomorrow we have to sign up some white guys and some African Americans. Then it's on to the Asians and the Native Americans and I think we'll have them all covered. You know what I mean - the EOE thing." JESUS "EOE?" GABRIELE "Equal Opportunity Employment!" GABRIELE "Oh! Wait a minute. I forgot the gays. We'll some of them too!" JESUS "Gays?" GABRIELE "You know. They used to call them the Abominations. That’s kind out now with all the PC stuff. Now it's Gays." JESUS "OK! I get it. Now I think we need to find a place to stay tonight. And I'm not staying in any stable this time! My mother told me all about it. She said it was terrible. She said you couldn't take a step without getting something on your sandals. And the smell - the smell she said was worst than the disciples." GABRIELE "Hey. I see a 'Vacancy' sign up head." (Jesus and Gabriele enter the hotel and walk up to the front desk) JESUS "We'd like a room for the night." HOTEL CLERK "Yes sir. Let you take your information and we'll check you in. OK. Your name please." JESUS "Jesus Christ." HOTEL CLERK "Very good sir. And I guess your friend is the Angel Gabriele." JESUS "How did you know?" HOTEL CLERK "Ok. I can take a joke with the rest of them but now I need your name." JESUS "Jesus Christ." HOTEL CLERK "I'm going have to insist that you stop joking a give me your name or I'm going have to ask you leave." JESUS (IN A STERN TONE) "My name is Jesus Christ." HOTEL CLERK "Alright! Get out here before I call the cops." (Jesus and Gabriele leave quietly) GABRIELE "I think you're going to have to change your name Boss or we'll never get a room." JESUS "Well when they ask me my name I can't tell a lie. You don't expect the Messiah to lie, do you?" GABRIELE "Urr - of course not. Never! How about we call you Isus Hristos. Issy for short." JESUS "Isus Hristos? What kind of name is that?" GABRIELE That's Romanian for Jesus Christ. Then when you tell people your name you won't be lying and we'll get a room for the night." JESUS "Isus Hristo. Issy.OK. Isus sounds kind of Japanese. It will probably even help when recruit our Asian contingent. And Issy, that will be good with Jews." From now on - Issy it is." (Jesus and Gabriele get a room using Jesus’ new name - Isus Hristo) ACT III (the next morning they meet the Hombres as scheduled) (as they walk down the street they walk by a city park) GABRIELE (pointing to a group of three guys playing basketball) "Hey Jesus - I mean Issy - Here's our chance to pick up some black guys." JESUS (Jesus calls through the chain link fence) "Hey. Any of you guys want a job?" HEBE PRETTY(FIRST BLACK GUY) "What's you want, Man?" JESUS "I said - Any of you guys want a job?" HEBE PRETTY "Not unless it's with the NBA!" (they continue to play) JESUS "NBA? With you playin' like that! You gotta be foolin'" (they stop playing and walk over to the fence) NOTSO (SECOND BLACK GUY) "You know who you're talkin' to? This is Hebe Pretty here." (as he motions towards the guy next to him) "You know what that means? It means 'He be pretty damn good'. That's what it means! Now if you boys wanta see - then get your white and Latino asses out here and we'll show you." GABRIELE "I think they are challenging us to some basketball Boss." JESUS "OK boys. Let's go." (Jesus walks towards the open gate and waves all of them to come with him) HOMBRE PRIMER "But we don't know anything about basketball." JESUS "Don't worry! Just feed me!" (three enter the court - Jesus, Gabrielle and Hombres Primer - the others watch - and the game begins Jesus gets the ball from the opposite end of the court and immediately shoots the ball full court into the basket at the far end." HEBE PRETTY "We got a lucky white boy on our hands here." (Notso takes the ball out and on the first dribble the ball bounces into Jesus’ hands - Jesus runs to the basket, jumps four feet into the air, hangs in mid air above the rim for a half second and dunks the ball All the Black Guys stare in amazement. The game goes on and Jesus continues with one astonishing play after another.) HEBE PRETTY (out of breath and sweating profusely) "How'd you learn to play like that?" JESUS "A God given talent. If you three join us I am sure I can help you with your game. It will probably take a miracle but I think I can get you ready for the NBA after all." (three look at each other a bit bewildered, raise their eyebrows and follow Jesus down the street) GABRIELE (WHISPERING) Hey, Boss we're doing great. One day and we've got the Latinos and Afros. Beautiful! Let's see. We still need the Asians and Native Americans. Oh yeah, and the gays too! And, lastly of course, we'll need a few token whities." (they walk passed the local college courtyard. It's a beautiful spring day and several students are there studying. On a nearby bench, three Asian students are pondering some physics problems. Jesus quietly approaches the bench and looks over the shoulder of one.) JESUS "Thermo? Tough stuff!" ASIAN NUMBER ONE (replies with disinterest, continuing to work on the problem) "Sure are." JESUS "Maybe I can help." ASIAN NUMBER ONE "Help how?" JESUS "Let me see the problem." (Jesus takes the book, looks at the problem and hands it back to Asian Number One) "The answer is negative forty hundred and eighty joules and the next one, problem fifty-two is seven hundred and twenty Kelvin!" ASIAN NUMBER TWO (IN AN INCREDULOUS tone) "Let me check the answers in the back." (he turns to the answer key and peruses the list) "Negative four eighty and seven twenty. He's right!" ASIAN NUMBER THREE "It's got to be a trick. Give him another one." (Asian Number One opens the book at random) ASIAN NUMBER ONE "Here. What's the answer to number twenty?" (he points to the problem) JESUS "Ah! Harmonic motion. Number twenty. It's four pi square meters per second" (Asian number two again looks for the answer) ASIAN NUMBER TWO "Right again!" ASIAN NUMBER ONE "How did you do that?" JESUS "I am the Light; the person who sees by me will view all things." ASIAN NUMBER THREE (LOOKING AT THE OTHER TWO) "What does that mean." JESUS "Follow me and I'll show you how!" (all eleven continue down the street led my Jesus and Gabriele) GABRIELE "Boss - Do you think it's a good idea to keep calling these guys by names like Hombre Primer, Black Guy Number One, and Asian Guy Number Two. I don't think it really makes them feel at home, if you know what I mean." JESUS "You know Gab, I think you're absolutely right! I'll give them all nice friendly, common names like I did with the Apostles the last time." GABRIELE "What do you mean - 'Like last time'?" JESUS "You didn't really think that a bunch of Jewish guys from Israel had names like John and Mark and Peter did you? Peter's real name was Hamish and John was Moshe'. I changed them all. Could you imagine, 'The Gospel According to Moshe'. How would that work?" GABRIELE "I see what you mean. But how come you kept your Hispanic name - Jesus?" JESUS "I didn't at first. I originally called myself Shlomo. And then the teasing started. 'Slow Mo Shlomo', 'Shlomo the Schlemiel','Go low Shlomo' and so I changed my name from Shlomo to Jesus. Jesus Christ has a much better ring to it, than Shlomo Christ anyway!" GABRIELE "'Jesus' doesn't exactly fit in with the others either. It's not like Tom, I mean Thomas or Jim, I mean James." JESUS "That's true and I was starting to get teased about that name too! Jumpin' Jesus, Jesus H. Christ and that kind of stuff. They were really getting on my nerves. So I finally put my foot down. I couldn't keep changing my name so I told them 'Make fun of my name one more time and I'm calling it blasphemy and this time it's a mortal sin!' That ended it. No more teasing and Jesus has been my name ever since." GABRIELE (IN AMAZEMENT) "Wow, the things I never knew!" (Jesus halts him parade of followers) JESUS "Alright - Black Guy Number One. What's your real name?" HEBE "'Hebe'" JESUS "No - your real name." HEBE "BBWADDENE" JESUS "Do you know what that means?" HEBE "The Great One. That's what my mother told me." JESUS (JESUS MAKES A BUZZER SOUND) "Wrong. It means a large dog! I think we'll stick with Hebe. And what about you Notso? And by the way what does Notso mean?" NOTSO "Well, when they started calling Hebe, Hebe because he be pretty damn good at hoops, they started calling me Notso, not so good at hoops." JESUS "I see. What's your real name?" NOTSO "ISOKE - my mother said it means 'Airy One - like a bird' in Zulu" JESUS Not so Notso! It means 'Hairy One'in Swahili. I think we'll keep calling you Notso." (Jesus turns to the third Black Guy) JESUS "And your name?" THIRD BLACK GUY "TAFADZWA - my mamma said it means 'We are pissed." JESUS "No! No! It means 'We are pleased'in African Shona." THIRD BLACK GUY "No. She really meant 'We are pissed'. I was the last of ten kids." JESUS "Okay - TAFADZWA it is. Tafa for short. How about you guys." (he motions to the Asians) ASIAN NUMBER ONE "They call me the General." JESUS "Okay, General. What's your real name?" ASIAN NUMBER ONE "Tso Chic." JESUS "Oh, Like General Tso's Chicken?" "And you?" (he points to the other two) ASIAN NUMBER TWO "My name is Wai Lee. They call me The Bruce." JESUS "Like Bruce Lee?" ASIAN NUMBER THREE "No. Like Bruce Springstein. I'm a big fan." JESUS (HE POINTS TO THE LAST ASIAN) "How about you?" ASIAN NUMBER THREE "They call me Charlie." JESUS "Ah - Charlie Chan." ASIAN NUMBER THREE "No. Like Charlie Wong. That's my name." (they continue to walk - Suddenly Hombre Primer runs up to Jesus) HOMBRE PRIMER "Boss! Boss! I just remembered. The boys and I gotta leave early today." JESUS "Gotta leave early? Why?" HOMBRE PRIMER "We gotta get ready to go the Hombre Dos's sister's wedding. It's tonight." JESUS "You guys have only been on the job one day and you're taking off early already? (Jesus pauses to think) Well, I guess it’s okay - but I've got to dock you." HOMBRE DOS "How about if you come too?" JESUS "All of us! Well, maybe then I could overlook that docking. Okay! We'll go." (that night - Jesus and the disciples enter the reception hall) HOMBRE DOS "Welcome. Let me introduce you to my sister and her new husband Sis, this is my new boss Issy and his foreman Gab. He's the guy I've been telling you about." (Hombre Primer calls Jesus aside for a moment) HOMBRE DOS "Listen Boss, did you notice my sister's upper lip?" JESUS "No. What do you mean?" HOMBRE DOS "The hair. It's very hairy! I told her about my wart and that maybe you could help her out with the mostacho." JESUS "Well, it is her wedding day. Okay!" (Jesus walks over to Hombre Dos's sister and runs his finger over her upper lip and the hair disappears) GABRIELE "That will be ten dollars please!" HOMBRE DOS "Ten dollars? How come the wart was only five?" GABRIELE "Out of network!" (the husband hands Gabrielle a ten-dollar bill) (the party continues) (Suddenly from the crowd) "No más cerveza!" GABRIELE "What did he say?" JESUS "He said 'No more beer!' The beer ran out and it looks like the crowd is starting to get rowdy." "I feel like I've been here before. You know like deja vu and I think I know exactly what to do." (Jesus calls over the waiter) "Bring me ten large pitchers of water." (the waiter rushes into the kitchen. He and an assistant return with the pitchers and place them on the tables) JESUS (MUTTERING TO HIMSELF) "Now let's see if I can remember how this goes." (He closes his eyes, waves his hands right over left The crowd is silent Jesus opens his eyes and the water is unchanged) JESUS (TO HIMSELF IN A LOW VOICE) "Oh, now, I remember - wine to water is right over left. Water to beer is left over right." He closes his eyes again, and this time waves his hands left over right) Loud applause rises from the crowd, Jesus opens his eyes and in each pitcher the water has been transformed into beer - the party continues) (Suddenly, he doors of the kitchen spring open and the owner of the hall rushes toward Jesus carrying a sheet of paper) HALL OWNER "Do you see this? This is the contract for the hall rental. What does it say right there? (he points angrily) 'No outside alcohol' Now either you get rid of that beer or I'll kick you all out!" (Jesus looks at the contract closely) JESUS "The man's right. That's what it says." (Jesus closes his eyes, waves his hands in the oppose direction and the beer turns back into water. The crowd again begins boo) GABRIELE "What are we going to do now?" JESUS "No problemo." (He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out the credit card him Father had given him. He stands before the group with both arms raised, with the credit card in hand) "Peace I say unto you. Look at the birds of the air, they neither toil nor reap yet their Father feeds them. Look at the lilies of the field, they neither sow nor spin yet their Father clothes them. Are you less than they in his eyes?" (a voice from the crowd yells) "What the hell does all that mean?" JESUS "It means, my son - 'Open bar' on me" (and Jesus hands the credit card to the owner and the crowd cheers) (the next morning Jesus and Gabrielle awake and are getting ready for the day ahead) JESUS "Hurray up. I want to get down to Bob's Sporting Goods Store." GABRIELE "Sporting Goods Store for what?" JESUS "Well, last night was pretty embarrassing. When I turned the water into to beer at the wedding my first try didn't work. All because I forgot one little thing." GABRIELE "What's that got to do with Sporting Goods?" JESUS "Well, last night, after we got back, you fell asleep. I stayed up and was watching the football game." GABRIELE "So?" JESUS "I noticed that every time they went back to the huddle, the quarterback looked at his wrist. Then the announcer said that he had the play list written there on a wristband. I'm going to get one of those wristbands and put all the miracles on it. No more embarrassing screw ups for me!" GABRIELE "Wow! What a great idea. Now I see why they say that you possess all the wisdom of the universe, Boss" (several days pass and Jesus and his followers are walking the streets continuing to search for new disciplines) (it is late in the afternoon) JESUS "I don't know about you but I'm famished." GABRIELE "We haven't eaten since this morning and that continental breakfast at the hotel wasn't very good either." (As they pass an alleyway a voice is heard from the shadows) VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS "Psst! Jesus! Over here." GABRIELE "Who's that?" JESUS "I'm not sure but the voice sure sounds familiar." (Jesus walks over to the alley way) JESUS "It's you again. Don't you ever give up?" VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS "I heard you say you were hungry. If you are the Son of God, tell these scrap papers on the ground in this alley to become Burger King coupons." JESUS "It is written: 'Man does not live on Whoppers alone." (Jesus is then taken to the top of the tallest building in the city) VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: "He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'" JESUS "Without a bungee cord! What? Are you nuts?" (Jesus is then taken a scenic overlook. He and the Voice walk over to the binoculars and the Voice puts in a quarter) VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS "Here look through these. All this I will give you, if you will bow down and worship me." JESUS "What kind of fool do you think I am? This is the old 'I have a bridge to sell you' trick. Away from me, Satan!" (Jesus reappears back along side of Gabrielle) GABRIELE "Who was that?" JESUS "Satan, the Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Old Scratch, The Antichrist, Evil one, The Ruler of Demons, The Tempter, The Beast, you know, same old guy." GABRIELE "You know, we're having some trouble rounding up a white contingent." JESUS "And what about women? We need women too. And native Americans?" GABRIELE "I know. We're working on it. And we also need some of the handicapped." JESUS "No. We can't do that because everybody will say 'Why don't you heal them?' and I'd look pretty bad if I didn't. Then if they're healed we'd be back to having no handicaps. It would be a vicious circle, so I hate to do it but I have to cut them out. No disabled disciplines!" (They continue to walk and approach a group of women standing in front of a bar smoking cigarettes) GABRIELE "Hello girls." GIRLS "Who you calln' girls, Shortie?" (Gabrielle turns to Jesus) GABRIELE "Am I really that short?" JESUS "Don't worry about it. I'll fix that later." GABRIELE (TURNS BACK TO THE GIRLS) "No. We're just trying to get some women to work for us." GIRLS "What are you? Some kind of pimp or somethin'? We're just out here to have smoke not to get hustled." GABRIELE "You don't understand. He's Jesus Christ and.." GIRLS "You don't understand. I'm the Virgin Mary, here's Mary Magdolin and that's Joan of Arc over there. Now if you guys don't get out of here, I'm goin' to call Pontius Pilate over there and get your asses arrested." (she points to a cop across the street) (they moves on) GABRIELE "That didn't work out too good. I wonder why they were so mean?" JESUS "I think I spied a few demons back there. I probably should have done a little casting out like I did with the kid in Tyre that time. That might have helped to make them a bit nicer." GABRIELE "Yeah, I remember that. You really turned the kid around. No more tantrums, no more whining, no more pestering, no more back talk. You even got her to brush her teeth." (Gabrielle is silent for a while) GABRIELE "By the way Boss, when are we going to deal with my 'short' problem?" JESUS "Are you pestering me already? I told you later." (they continue to walk - GABRIELLE again silent) GABRIELE "When later?" JESUS "Oh man you don't quit! I don't want to do this on the street right here. I can't concentrate with all this noise. I need a nice quiet place. Alright let's go over to the Dunkn' Donuts" (they walk into the coffee shop) JESUS "Okay - we'll do it in the bathroom." (they both enter the men's room) (Jesus checks the miracle list on the wristband) JESUS "Alright, you've got to get down on your knees for this one. This is a pretty tough miracle." (Gabrielle gets down on his knees in front of Jesus) (suddenly the door swings open and the manager appears) MANAGER "I thought I heard you guys talking about doing it in the men's and I was right. You better get out of here right now or I'll have you arrested for public lewdness. And don't come back!" (Gabrielle and Jesus leave the coffee shop) JESUS "See that? I told you later and couldn't wait. You know patience is a virtue. You know what I'm tempted to do? Make pestering a sin! And it will be all your fault. Every kid in the world will be piling up sins day after day after day. It will be all your on you! Do you want that on your conscience?" (Gabrielle replies meekly) GABRIELE "No Boss." JESUS "Alright then, keep quiet and don't bother me again. And by way, don't mention any of this to the others. It's very embarrassing." (they join the other on the sidewalk) (as the walk they pass a group of white guys standing on the corner all dressed in athletic tee shirt with bulging biceps and tattoos) GABRIELE "Hey Boss. Maybe we can recruit these guys. I see one of them has a cross on his arm and the other has your picture on his shoulder." JESUS "I think you're right. Let's talk to them. Hey Big Ass. We'd like to talk to you guys for a minute." WHITE GUY ONE "Who you callin' me 'Big Ass'. What are you some kinda smart guy lookin' for a beatin'." GABRIELE "What is the matter with you? Why are you calling this guy 'Big Ass'?" JESUS "That's what that Chinese tattoo on his arm says. Translated it means 'Call me Big Ass' so I called him 'Big Ass'." (the white guys take a threatening step toward Jesus) (Jesus raises his hand points to the tattoo on WHITE GUY ONE'S arm) JESUS "No. It says right there on your arm 'Call me 'Big Ass'' in Chinese." WHITE GUY ONE "No it doesn't, it says 'Man of Steel'. The guy who put on told me that." JESUS "See that second symbol? He spelled it wrong. See that little loop on the end there?" (Jesus points to the tattoo) "That should loop up not down. Loop up means 'Man of Steel', loop down means 'Call me Big Ass'." (Jesus calls over the Asian guys and points to the tattoo) ASIAN NUMBER ONE "Loop down, 'Call me Big Ass'" (Jesus gestures to ASIAN GUY TWO) ASIAN NUMBER TWO "'Call me Big Ass'" (Jesus gestures to ASIAN GUY THREE) ASIAN NUMBER THREE "'Call me Big Ass'" JESUS "There you go. Four to one. It says 'Call me Big Ass'." WHITE GUY ONE "What am I gonna do now? I got the 'Big Ass' tattoo thing down both arms and on my ass." JESUS "I think I can help. Come over here and roll up your sleeve." (Jesus rubs his hand over the tattoo and it disappears) "Now the other arm." (Again Jesus runs his hand over the other arm and the tattoo disappears) "Okay now pull the back of your pants down." (Again Jesus runs his hand over the tattoo and it disappears) (At that minute the coffee shop manager happens to walk by) MANAGER "Didn't I just kick you out of my shop for that stuff? Here you are doing the same thing again. I guess you gays just can't control yourselves. 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind' Remember Sodom and Gomora!. That's from the Bible, just in case you haven't read it." JESUS "That was before I was born." MANAGER "I hate wise guy fags." (he walks away shaking his head) GABRIELE "What was he talking about Sodom and Gomora?" JESUS "You remember. Lot, the pillar of salt all that stuff." GABRIELE "Oh, yes. Now I remember. That was when your Father always was in a really crabby mood. He was smoting people right and left. He even played nasty tricks on some of his best people like Job and Abraham. He always wanted to check to see if they really loved him. Insecurity I guess. Then, I remember some of the archangels got together and suggested that he go into therapy and take some angry management classes. It really helped. After about the fifth or sixth session he got a lot nicer." (the group continues to walk) GABRIELE "What about the Indians, Boss? We've got the Latinos, the Asians, the Blacks, the Whites. We still need Indians and gays!" (White guy 'Big Ass' over hears the conversation) BIG ASS "There's this Indian guy that lives next to me. He from Mumbai but I don't think you'd want him. He hardly speaks English and he's already got a job. He's a telephone tech support for Dell Computers." JESUS "No. We mean Native Americans." BIG ASS "Oh! You mean real Indians. Well, my bud over there is part Indian, I means Native American." (he points to the other white guy in the group) GABRIELE "What do you mean, 'Part Indian'? BIG ASS "Well, his grandfather was Chief Thunder Thud on the Howdy Doody Show in the fifties." GABRIELE "Kawabonga! That means he's - let’ see - a quarter Native American. Is that okay Boss?" JESUS "I think so. But wait. What tribe was that?" (Big Ass yells to the other white guy) BIG ASS "What tribe was your grandfather in? Was it the Tinka Tonka or the Sigafoose?" OTHER WHITE GUY "Princess Summerfall Winterspring was a Tinka Tonka and Buffalo Bob's grandfather was a Sigafoose. My grand pop was a Ooragnak." JESUS "Okay. He'll do. Check off the Native Americas. Oh, by the way what's your Native American name?" WHITE GUY TWO "Third Thud." BIG ASS "Listen. Didn't you say you need gays too?" GABRIELE "Sure we do." BIG ASS "Would a trany count?" GABRIELE "What do you think, Boss?" JESUS "Well, we went for a quarter Native American. I guess a transsexual could fill in for a gay. What's his name?" (Big Ass points to the third white guy in the group) BIG ASS "They call him is Usta." GABRIELE "Like 'Use to be'?" BIG ASS "Right on, Shortie." (they continue walk) ACT IV GABRIELE "Hey, Boss. We got all our guys now. Isn't it time to start spreading the Word?" JESUS "I think so. I saw on the map in the hotel that there's a nice big park down this street. Let's go look it over." (they continue to walk to the park) GABRIELE "Wow! This looks great. It's big enough for good crowd and there's a mount right over there." (he points to a small knoll) "But - No olive trees. Wait a minute - you know they make some great looking artificial trees today. We can buy some fake olive trees and just put them around. Staging, ya know." HOMBRE PRIMER "Listen, Amigos. You've gotta have some entertainment or you're not going to get anybody to come. You need a band, food and maybe some girls too." EL HOMBRE NÚMERO DOS "Si!" GABRIELE "You know, I think they're right. Times have changed. Everybody wants show biz." JESUS "I think I can cover the food part. How about loaves and fishes?" HEBE PRETTY " Loaves and fishes? You mean like fish sandwiches?" NOTSO "Fish sandwiches! Are you nuts? Look what happened to Arthur Treacher's! Nobody wants fish sandwiches. We gotta have Popeye's or KFC!" HOMBRE DOS "I'm votin' for Taco Bell!" ASIAN NUMBER ONE "My uncle owns 'Ding Ho Palace'. I can get shrimp rolls wholesale." NOTSO "Hey my brother's a rapper. He can do the warm-up show." GABRIELE "What kind of rapping does he do? Pimps and whores stuff is not going work." NOTSO "No - I'll talk to him. If we give him some time he can probably do some rap hymns like 'Onward Christian Homies' or 'O Silent Night - Opps - Now I'm Hearin' Gun Shots'." ASIAN NUMBER THREE "Hey - My Uncle has a band." GABRIELE "What does he play?" ASIAN NUMBER THREE "He plays the bonang." GABRIELE "What's that?" ASIAN NUMBER THREE "It is one of the lead instruments in Javanese Gamelan music. The Bonang is composed of a double-row of horizontally mounted tuned bronze kettle gongs and is usually played with two padded tabuhs. All of the kettles have a central boss, but around it the lower-pitched ones have a flattened head, while the higher ones have an arched one...." GABRIELE "Never mind. We'll go with Notso's brother." ASIAN NUMBER ONE “Hey, how about we have a raffle too?” GABRIELE “Great idea. We could sell potato chips and whoever gets the bag with a chip that looks like your mother wins. What do you think Boss?” JESUS “Sure! But what are we going to raffle off?” GABRIELE “How about everlasting life?” JESUS “No can do – that’s Dad’s department.” GABRIELE “How about a gift basket of miracles for the whole family?” JESUS “That’s an idea.” GABRIELE “How about a full year of late night television movies with no Ginso Knife or Chia Pet ads?” JESUS “I like the basket I idea better.” GABRIELE “Okay, but let’s have a grand prizes too. How about a plenary indulgence for the first prize and the second grand will be two partial indulgences, one you and one for a friend.” JESUS “Sounds good.” NOTSO “What’s an indulgence?” GABRIELE “It’s like a get out of purgatory free card.” NOTSO “My brother-in-law was in Attica for armed robbery. That was in New York. What state is purgatory in?” GABRIELE “Never mind!” (as they stand at the entrance to the park planning the event a cop walks up to them) COP "What are you guys doing. Loitering I suppose." GABRIELE "No. We're going to have a rally here." COP "A rally! Do you have a permit? As a matter of fact - let me see - how many people are here now?" (he pauses and looks the group over) JESUS "Fourteen." COP "You might need a permit right now. I have to look this up. Hold on a minute." (he takes a small book from his back pocket and thumbs through it) "Oh yeah. Here it is right here. Section 4-12:5. 'Crowds of ten or more require a park permit. Usage of facilities without a permit is subject to a fine of fifty dollars'. Looks like I gotta write you a ticket." GABRIELE "A ticket for what?" COP "Just like I said. Using the park without a permit." "Here. You can pay this down at city hall when you get your permit for your rally." (the cop writes out the ticket hands it to Jesus and walks away.) (the group walks to city hall) JESUS "We would like to get a permit to use the park for a rally." WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "Wait here." (she leaves the counter and is gone for thirty minutes - she reappears with several sheets of paper in hand and a large coffee stain down the front of her blouse) "Look Honey, ya made me rush and look what happened." (she points to the stain) "Here, fill these out and bring 'em back and don't be comin' back around ten. It's my break." JESUS "Look at all these questions. Father's name, mother's maiden name, last employment, and down here at the bottom, a two hundred and fifty word essay on 'Why We Must Keep Our Parks Clean'." GABRIELE "Let's see - your name - 'Isus Hristos' - no put down Izzy Hristos - Isus sounds a little too Muslim. Father's name - Joe Christ - no let's put in Joe Hristo. And mother's maiden? What was your mother's maiden name?" JESUS "She was always a maiden. Haven't you read the Bible?" GABRIELE "That's right! Okay then, put down Mary Hristo." (they fill out the forms and return them the next day - at nine o'clock) WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "Mr. Hristo. I see here that you will be having entertainment at your event. Is that true?" JESUS "Yes" (she disappears and returns in several minutes) WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "You'll have to fill out one of these." (she hands him several sheets of paper) JESUS "What's this?" WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "Application for an entertainment license. Oh, and what's this I see here? You're going to use artificial plants in your event. You'll need a landscaping license application. And food and beverages will be served. That requires a food handler's license. What kind of beverages will be served, Mr. Hristo?" JESUS "Wine." WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "Will children be attending?" (Jesus looks quizzically at Gabrielle) GABRIELE "Remember 'Suffer the little children to come unto me' I think so!" WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "Okay, then you won't need an alcohol license. If kids are present, no booze! You can't serve wine. Let me give you a little hint though. Give 'em Jolt or Red Bull. That stuff really gets them into the show." (she disappears again and returns with a fist full of forms) WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER "Here you go. Fill these out and bring them back tomorrow and we'll set you right up." (Jesus and Gabrielle leave a the building and are met by a man with slicked back hair, high rolled collar smoking a cigar.) MAN WITH SLICKED HAIR "Hey - you guys - come here. I heard you're gonna have a rally down at the park next week, right?" GABRIELE "Why, yes." MAN WITH SLICKED HAIR "And you're gonna have food. What kinda food?" JESUS "We're not sure yet." MAN WITH SLICKED HAIR "Well, I'm comin' with some of my friends and we like hot dogs and we only like the dogs from the Mr. Weenie trucks. If we get any other kind we all get very upset and when we get upset we upset everybody else, if you know what I mean. GABRIELE (TURNS TO JESUS) "I think they call this extortion, Boss." JESUS "That's a sin and we can't participate in sinful activities." MAN WITH SLICKED HAIR "Sin huh! When we show up at your rally you'll see a real sin!" JESUS "What are names of your friends?" MAN WITH SLICKED HAIR "Three Finger Sal, Petey the Wire and Pinochle Mike. Why ya gonna give 'em free tickets?" (he laughs) (Jesus looks down at his wristband - waves his hands over the man's eyes) MAN WITH SLICKED HAIR "I'm blind! I can't see!" (his cell phone rings and he fumbles to find it) THREE FINGER SAL "Joey! Joey! I'm blind! So is Sally and Mikey! GABRIELE "Boss - whatever happened to 'whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other'?" JESUS "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth!" GABRIELE "Whatever happened to 'Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself'?" JESUS "Vengeance be mine sayeth the Lord!" GABRIELE "Whatever happened to 'If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink'?" JESUS "Whatever happened to you shutting up? Okay! Okay!" (Jesus waves his hands again and they regain their sight) (the day of the rally finally arrives. Notso's brother puts on a tremendous rap concert featuring songs like 'Do You Hear What I Hear - No But I Do Smell Weed' and 'God Rest Ye Merry Hookers') (Jesus is in the middle of his rousing sermon when a voice comes from the throng) VOICE FROM THRONG "Hey - There's no more hot dogs!" (Jesus looks over to Gabrielle) JESUS "Gabrielle. Come over here." (Gabrielle obliges and Jesus extends his hand) JESUS "Here - pull my finger." (Gabrielle again obliges and a long string of hot dogs issue from Jesus’ sleeve) (the sermon concludes and it's the time for healing - people line up before Jesus - the line is over two hundred people long) GABRIELE "Boss, are we going to do this? We'll be here all night." JESUS "You're right. Get me the bullhorn." "Okay, all diseased persons. I need your attention. Those with dementia, please get someone to pay attention for you. All diseases A through I, like acne through ingrown hairs, line up on the left. J through P like Kuru through the Plague, line up in the middle, and the rest of you with anything like Scabies or Warts on the right. And remember, no cutting in line. If you cut and say it was because you have Alzheimer’s and you really didn't know you were cutting, I'm still not going to accept that and you will not be cured. Also, please be advised that some receivers of miracle healing have experienced upset stomach, diarrhea, gas, loose stools and religious image hallucinations in everyday food products and passing clouds. Do not drive or operate machinery immediately after the miracle has been performed." (Jesus faces the crowd on the left, glances at the wristband, closes his eyes waves his hands several times and roar goes up from the group on the right - crutches fly through the air) JESUS "Hebe and Big Ass. Carry those people over in line one that were hit by those flying crutches to line three where the unconscious are to be cured." “Gabrielle, give me that bullhorn back. There will be no more crutch throwing. Anyone caught throwing crutches will have his disease reinstated." (Jesus faces the center line - glances at the wristband and closes his eyes, waves his hands and the crowd roars) (Jesus now faces the crowd on the right, glances at the wristband, waves his hands, leans backward, rotates his body three times, pulls his head to right and then to the left, bends over and touches his toes three times - the crowd roars) GABRIELE "Boss, why was that last miracle so hard?" JESUS "What do you mean hard?" GABRIELE "Well, you had to do all that bending and twisting and toe touching?" JESUS "Oh that! I was just feeling a little stiff and I was getting the kinks out." (the crowd begins to leave - Jesus grabs the bullhorn) JESUS "Attention. All those healed; please remember to turn in your Handicap Parking Tags at the gate. Someone will there to collect them before you leave and if you want to put a little in the tip jar, that would be appreciated too. Also, please go to www.Miracles-R-Us.com to get your very own DVD of your healing to share with friends and family. Only $19.95 plus postage and handling." (as the crowd leaves a voice calls) VOICE "Hey, what about me over here. I didn't get healed." JESUS "Are you sure my son?" (the man lifts up his bare foot) VOICE "Look. Do I look like I'm cured?" (Jesus looks intently but sees nothing) VOICE "Onychomycosis." (Jesus searches the wristband under O and finds nothing) (the Voice again, impatiently) "Onychomycosis! Onychomycosis!" JESUS "I'm sorry my son. I just can't seem to locate your affliction." VOICE "That's just great! You cured everybody else from acrocephalosyndactylia to Zollinger-Ellison Syndrome but not me! This whole thing smells of bigotry." (Jesus and his disciples walk home from the rally elated at their success) ACT V (the next morning Jesus is awakened by Gabrielle standing at the foot of the bed holding up a newspaper pointing to the headlines) GABRIELE "Boss! Boss! Looks at this. It says 'Local Healer Accused of Discrimination and Bigotry'." JESUS "Turn on the TV." TV NEWSCASTER "Here we are at Four For You talking with Mr. Jason Jorick. Mr. Jorick tell us what happened last evening at Community Park." JORICK "Well, I went to the rally at the park and at the end everybody lined up to be healed so I got in the J through P line because I have Onychomycosis. Then everybody got healed, I mean crutches were flying, wheelchairs were over turned and those big googly eyeglasses were all over the ground. But me, not me. I was still standing suffering with my Onychomycosis. I think it was pure discrimination against people with Onychomycosis. There's no doubt. We Onychomycosisists aren't going to take it any more. We're going to fight back." TV NEWSCASTER "Yes, Mr. Jorick, being a member of the black, bisexual, midget, six-fingered community myself, I thoroughly understand discrimination. And by the way, I too am a Onychomycosisist." JESUS "Hey Gabrielle, look out the window. What's that noise?" (Gabrielle looks out the window) GABRIELE "There's a whole bunch of people out there with signs." JESUS "Can you read them?" GABRIELE "One of them says 'Healer Sucks'. Oh here's another. It says 'Cure All? - Not if you're a Onychomyc'" JESUS "If your a what?" GABRIELE "I think it meant to say 'Onychomycosisist' but it won't fit on the sign." (suddenly there's a knock on the door - Jesus opens the door - there stand three cops) COP AT DOOR "Are you Issy Hristo? Were you the bigoted healer at the rally last night?" JESUS "Well, uh." COP AT DOOR "I have a warrant for your arrest Mr. Hristo. I'll have to come with me." GABRIELE "On what charges?" COP AT DOOR "Stay out of this Shortie." GABRIELE "See that! You said you were going make me taller and you never did! Now on second thought - take him away." COP AT DOOR "The charge is inflicting injury on a minority. A hate crime." JESUS "I didn't inflict an injury on any minority." COP AT DOOR "How many people do you know that have Onychomycosis?" JESUS "None." COP AT DOOR "There you go, he's a minority. Did you cure Mr. Jorick last night?" JESUS "Well, no." COP AT DOOR "Did you cure everybody else?" JESUS "Well, yes." COP AT DOOR "Then, how do you think he felt?" JESUS "Not to good, I guess." COP AT DOOR "Then you severely injured his feelings and additionally left him writhing in pain with his Onychomycosis while everyone else went on their merry way completed cured. From Mr. Jorick's standpoint, you weren't exactly the Good Samaritan, true?" JESUS "I guess you're right." COP AT DOOR "Okay, you just confessed. Let's go." (Jesus is taken to jail) CONVICT ONE "Hey Bro, what the rap? Me, myself I'm in for murder." CONVICT TWO "Yeah, what's your sheet? Mine's rape." CONVICT THREE "I got armed robbery of a nun goin' for me." JESUS "I've been charged with a hate crime against a Onychomycosisist" CONVICT ONE "Holy! I won't wanta be in your shoes." CONVICT TWO "Me neither." CONVICT THREE "It don't look good for you Bro." CONVICT THREE "I'd say you be lookin' at, at least ten maybe fifteen." CONVICT ONE "I'm bettin' I'm seein' the street before you." JESUS "But you guys are charged with murder, rape and armed robbery." CONVICT TWO "Yeah, but Judge Pylot ain't no murder, and he ain't no raper and he never held nobody up." JESUS (mutters to himself at first) “Boy, that name sounds familiar but I just place it.” (then out loud) So?" CONVICT THREE "But he is a Onychomycosisist." (Jesus' day in court arrives) JUDGE PYLOT "Order in the court! Bailiff - please escort all the protesters from the courtroom. I understand the emotion being a Onychomycosisist myself but we must have order before we convict this defendant." (Jesus sits quietly with flashbacks) (the trial starts and the prosecutor begins) PROSECUTOR "This man stands before you accused of a most heinous crime. He, with malice and intent condemned Mr. Jorick to a life of suffering without regard. While curing hundreds of others around him, Mr. Jorick was left to a life despair and shame. This, I say is the height of bigotry and discrimination." JUDGE PYLOT "Okay, Mr. Childs, how does the defendant plead?" MR. CHILDS "Not guilty your Honor." JUDGE PYLOT "Not guilty on what basis?" MR. CHILDS "Your Honor, this man is not guilty of bigotry, not guilty of discrimination, not guilty of hate crimes - he's guilty of misunderstanding. He was healing Mr. Jorick of Distal Subungual Onychomycosis when reality Mr. Jorick suffers from Proximal Subungual Onychomycosis. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please remove your shoes and socks and put your feet on the railing. Your Honor, let me use this juror's left big toe as defense exhibit one. Now let me call Dr. AjatashatruAnshumanAshwatthamaAnus to the stand." (the Dr. takes the stand) MR. CHILDS "Now Dr. AjatashatruAnshumanAshwatthama, did I get that right?" THE DOCTOR "No. It's AjatashatruAnshumanAshwatthamaAnus. You left out the anus MR. CHILDS "Okay, then Dr. A - is it true that you are a world renown Onychomycosis specialist who has studied over a million feet, maybe a billion, in your native India?" THE DOCTOR "Very truly I am the world's greatest Onychomycosisist." MR. CHILDS "Now, from your location, can you tell if this toe is Distal Subungual Onychomycosis or Proximal Subungual Onychomycosis?" THE DOCTOR "I'm not sure." (Childs points to the toe of the next juror) MR. CHILDS "Exhibit two your Honor. How about this one?" THE DOCTOR "I'm not sure." (Childs continues down the line pointing to each toe in succession and getting the same answer from Dr. A) MR. CHILDS "Ladies and gentlemen let it be shown that even Dr. AjatashatruAnshumanAshwatthamaAnu, A world-renowned specialist in Onychomycosis could not determine the specific type of toenail fungus on any of the jurors. Let me ask you then, what do you expect out of a carpenter? Also, let the record reflect my client's disappointment that the juror has been stacked with Onychomycosisists." (the trial concludes and the jury returns) JUDGE PYLOT "Have you reached a verdict?" JUROR FOREMAN "Yes, we have your Honor. We the jury find the defendant guilty." (the courtroom erupts) JUDGE PYLOT "Defendant please rise. The jury having found you guilty of a hate crime." (the juror foreman rises) JUROR FOREMAN "No your Honor, we find him guilty of practicing medicine without license." JUDGE PYLOT "The jury finding you guilty of the crime of practicing medicine without a license, I hereby on behalf of the AMA sentence you to ten years in prison where you will no longer be able to harm the Onychomycosisistic community." JESUS "Forgive them Father for they no not what they do." "Beam me up Dad!" END Publication Date: March 12th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-wsautter

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-jason-how-to-kill-nervousness-acting/

Jason How to kill nervousness: Acting Publication Date: June 20th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-spectra6234

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-msp-my-life-with-9-guys/

msp My Life with 9 guys Chapter 1 <font;actionman<font;38pt>>Today December 26, 2011 Dear dairy, Today was the best day of my life I got to ride my scooter and bike .But last night was kind of the best because the boy I like was their his nickname is Butter his hair makes him cute and he is a little chubby but you should want some meat on your man don’t you .So I woke up this mooring and I had the weirdest dream and it was about that I was so tired I had Butter drive me home and we went to his house and I got out and we went into his room and we had sex and 3 months later we had figured out that I was pregnant with a baby girl and we would name her Cecelia Charmaine chapter two Christmas day was the best day ever I got to open all of my toys and what makes so special is that I got to go down to my grandmas and the boy I like was thier and I was flirting with him and he was flirting with me back and my little brother was their so I could not kiss him like I had planed a fiew months back so the next time I go down their I will kiss him brother or not because my plan will work during the summer I will wear my shorts and I will go swimming and I will wear my short shirts and he will love that and he will want to go out with me and I’ll say yes but we can’t tell anybody because we are related I think but I’m not sure .They will judge us and we will tell all of our friends and family at the same time and see what they have to say about it .I’m going through a lot and my think relative flirting with me is not helping because I try to impress him and the boy I like at school and that is to much for me to handle.Ihate ev I’m too tall I have BIG FEET but I just ignore them and go on with my life as usual but the thing I can’t handle is people Talking about my friends and I really can’t stand Megan she is always being a bitch and she is always trying to tell someone what to do she told me to bring her a pokdot purse and I always told her I would bring it to her but I never ever brought it. I think that I’m pregnant I think it happen in November the week of thanksgiving when I went down to my great, great grandma’s house and this boy named Butter the one I was talking about earlier in the story so when I would turn around and he would air hump me from a few inches away and when I sat down and he sat beside me he touched me and I think he drunk out of my drink when I sat it down beside me so I might go into labor and not even know it so I really hope I’m not because I would not know how to explain it because how could it happen to me during the chapter3 best time of my life I love Butter and I will ask him out the being of the new year but I will also ask the boy out that I like out also so yesterday was my birthday and I turned 12 and I’m so happy and Saturday is new year’s eve and I ‘m going down to my grandmas I think I’ll be so happy if I do and I’m taking my laptop and the iPod so I can listen to music and so I can type down ever thing that goes on instead of waiting until I get home and so I can get some music from the iPod and put it on my laptop I hope that I will get to bring my iPod and I will be so happy when go back to school so I can show off my new shoes and clothes and I am going to ask him out and I’m going to ask him out .Today is New Year’s eve and I’m going down to my grandmas and I’m sneaking the iPod so I can listen to music and show off the stuff that I have on it and I love that I have a laptop. Well it didn’t go like I planned I had to stay up to my grandmother’s house while my father went somewhere so there was a party and I just sat up to my grandmothers and played with my baby cousin .So today is Martin Luther King Jr. birthday and I had to wake up at 6:00 and go down to a breakfast @ the civic center and after that we came home and cleaned up so after we had got through cleaning up Enyia came and I took her out of her car seat and brought her to my room and I held her .So I figured out that I was not pregnant and I am so happy that I am not pregnant so that might not be true because I have been having pains in my lower tummy and I still haven’t went to the doctor’s office and I always have the munches.chapter 3 so i went back to school and here we go angin with the partying and this time it was differnt so i met this boy named christan his girlfrend name is sendy sellers and she is my best friend so i went to meet them and when my date simon pulled up we heaard screaming and we rushed on and we saw syendy jumping up and down we asked why she was and she said christan prouposed to her and we were both jumping up and down now and simon told christan that i thought what we agreed to do this on the same day and i just looked at him and passed out and when we got the hospital i figured out that i was 1 week pregnat so we whent out and brought a crib ,stroller,high chair and paint blue pink and so i went home and told my parents and they told me that i had to move out because that if i was going to have a baaby i was going to have to learn how to be a parent.so i moved out and my parents got me a car it was an infinty and a maxium .spollier alert there is a second bookcomming the name is i do say yes. Publication Date: March 30th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-rockel1

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-kweenjay-fuck-my-life/

KweenJay Fuck My Life will it ever get better??? Daddy went too far now Ugh!!! I hate living in this damn house!! Oh excuse my manners. My name is Asia. Asia Garrison. Im 15 My life is sooo fucked up right now... I live with my daddy. He got drinkin issues. Chapter 1 I was downstairs watchin t.v. mindin my own damn business. ''Asia! Get yo ass up here now!!'' My daddy hollered. I went up stairs and walked in my room just in time for my daddy to slap me cross my face. ''Bitch sit yo ass down" Daddy hollered, so I sat down on my bed. "Bitch get up!" He yelled in my face. I stood up and he walked over to me. He gave me a hug and squeezed my fat, round, ass. By the way yall I am fine as hell. I got big titties, long black hair that stop at my butt, light grey eyes , Im 5 feet tall and my ass is just amazing. Oh and my skin the color of caramel. But back to the story. My daddy squeezed my ass. I said "Nigga what the fuck you doing?" "Bitch shut the hell up" was all he said. He rubbed my titties and squeezed them. "Nigga you better back the fuck up" I yelled at him. He started to unbutton my booty shorts that showed half of my ass. "Stop daddy for real" I said. "Bitch if you say another word imma beat the fuck out of you and then rape you!" he spat at me. I believed him so I shut my ass up. He pulled my shorts off and then my lace panties. I didn't have on a shirt, just a bathing suit top. He snatched it off and threw me on my bed. I knew he was finna rape me and I wanted to scream but if I did he would beat me and getting raped is bad enough. He sucked my nipples and then kissed down my body all the way to my pussy. He gave my pussy a long good suck and then said "You wanna taste yourself?" I shook my head no. He kissed me anyway though. Next he got on top of me and rammed his huge dick into my pussy....now Im in a fucking foster home that I've been in and out of over the past year. Im 16 now. THE END......FOR NOW my new home Chapter 2 "Asia come see me in my office" my foster care social worker said. Damn what this bitch want? I thought as I went to her office. When I went in there, a pretty woman who kinda looks like me was sitting in a chair. "Asia have a seat" Mrs. Smith said. That's my social worker's name. I sat down and stared at the lady for a minute. "Asia this is Kelly Garrison. She's your auntie" "Um okay" I said. "She wants to adopt you Asia." Mrs. Smith said. "Well maybe I dont wanna be adopted. Every where I go the person who adopted me treats me like shit!" "Im not like those other parents. Im your aunt." Kelly said. "Was I talking to you?" I asked in my nastiest voice. She turned away from me and looked at Mrs. Smith. "Sorry Asia but you have no choice you have to go with Ms. Garrison. "Man this a bunch of bullshit" I said and got up to leave. "Where are you going?" Mrs. Smith asked. "To pack my shit! Where else?" I went in my room and packed my stuff in 10 minutes considering I didn't have very much to pack. I got in the car with Kelly and we had a long silent drive to her place. Damn her crib bigger then a motherfucka!! "How many people live here?" I asked. "Just me you and the maid." "Oh" was all I could say. We went in the house and she showed me to my room. It was pink. "Do you like it?" she asked. "I hate pink." I said. She didn't say anything she just walked away. "You have school in the morning!" she yelled when she got down stairs. "Damn" I said to myself. I went to put my clothes in my closet but the closet was already filled. Damn it was some sexy clothes in there. I decided to pick out an outfit to wear to school. I got a black mini skirt and a blue bikini top and a short jacket that stopped just past my titties and had half sleeves and I got out my blue stilettos. I was tired so I went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, I put on my outfit. Damn Im sexy. I decided to let my hair be down so I brushed it down and put on some lipgloss. Im fine without the makeup so I didn't put on none. I grabbed my bag and walked out the front door. I didnt know my way to school so I just started walking luckily I got there before class started. I went to the front office to get my schedule. When I got my schedule I walked out of the office and bumped into a tall, fine light skin boy with really curly hair. It wasnt kinda long too. It was like a mini fro. He was sexy and all but he looked like somebody I should stay away from. He looked like a trouble maker kinda. I looked at him and walked away. "Wait lil mama." He said so I turned around and walked back to him. "What?" I said. "What's your name?" he asked. "Asia Garrison. What's yours?" "Izadore Love. But everybody calls me Izzy." He said. "Okay bye" I said. "Why so rude?" he asked. "Cause Im a rude bitch" I said simply. "And if Im so rude then quit talkin to me and Im rude cause you look like a drug dealer." I added. "Fuck you bitch" he said and walked away. I went to my first period and took a seat in the very back. Then Izzy came walkin through the door. "Damn" I said. He sat two seats in front of me and didnt look back the whole class period. Fine with me. It turned out that I had every class with him. Even gym. Well thats fucked up. At the end of the day I was glad to take my fine ass home. meeting lizzy Chapter 3 The next day I didnt feel like dressin up so I put on some booty shorts and a tank top and let my hair down. In first period the teacher said the girls had to pick a boy's name out of a hat and we had to learn 20 things about each other before tomorrow. I picked Izzy. Damn. At lunchtime I realized I forgot to ask Kelly for lunch money so I went outside. While Im out here I might as well smoke as cigarette I was thinking. So I lit one up and Izzy came outside. He walked over to me. "Look Asia, I know you don't wanna do this assignment and neither do I but I gotta go home in a minute anyway so can we do it then?" he asked. "You mean skip school?" I asked. "Duh." He said "Fine." I said and we walked to his car. Damn that hoe was clean. We were driving for a while and he pulled up in front of an elementary school. A very pretty girl with long curly hair walked up to the car and got in.Chapter 3 The next day I didnt feel like dressin up so I put on some booty shorts and a tank top and let my hair down. In first period the teacher said the girls had to pick a boy's name out of a hat and we had to learn 20 things about each other before tomorrow. I picked Izzy. Damn. At lunchtime I realized I forgot to ask Kelly for lunch money so I went outside. While Im out here I might as well smoke as cigarette I was thinking. So I lit one up and Izzy came outside. He walked over to me. "Look Asia, I know you don't wanna do this assignment and neither do I but I gotta go home in a minute anyway so can we do it then?" he asked. "You mean skip school?" I asked. "Duh." He said "Fine." I said and we walked to his car. Damn that hoe was clean. We were driving for a while and he pulled up in front of an elementary school. A very pretty girl with long curly hair walked up to the car and got in.Chapter 3 The next day I didnt feel like dressin up so I put on some booty shorts and a tank top and let my hair down. In first period the teacher said the girls had to pick a boy's name out of a hat and we had to learn 20 things about each other before tomorrow. I picked Izzy. Damn. At lunchtime I realized I forgot to ask Kelly for lunch money so I went outside. While Im out here I might as well smoke as cigarette I was thinking. So I lit one up and Izzy came outside. He walked over to me. "Look Asia, I know you don't wanna do this assignment and neither do I but I gotta go home in a minute anyway so can we do it then?" he asked. "You mean skip school?" I asked. "Duh." He said "Fine." I said and we walked to his car. Damn that hoe was clean. We were driving for a while and he pulled up in front of an elementary school. A very pretty girl with long curly hair walked up to the car and got in. She looked to be about 5 or 6. "Hey Izzy" she said when she got in. "Hey Lizzy" he said. "Hi" she said to me. "Hey" I said back. "You're very pretty" she said and smiled at me. "Thanks, you are too" I said. Izzy looked at me and smiled and then pulled off. "What's your name?" she asked. "Asia." "Mine is Elizabeth but you can call me Lizzy." "Okay Lizzy" I said and glanced at Izzy. He was smiling again. "Izzy will you take me for ice cream?" Lizzy asked her brother. "Sorry Lizzy not today. I have homework." Izzy said. I punched him in the arm and said "Yes he will take you for ice cream Lizzy." "Okay!" she said and smiled She looked to be about 5 or 6. "Hey Izzy" she said when she got in. "Hey Lizzy" he said. "Hi" she said to me. "Hey" I said back. "You're very pretty" she said and smiled at me. "Thanks, you are too" I said. Izzy looked at me and smiled and then pulled off. "What's your name?" she asked. "Asia." "Mine is Elizabeth but you can call me Lizzy." "Okay Lizzy" I said and glanced at Izzy. He was smiling again. "Izzy will you take me for ice cream?" Lizzy asked her brother. "Sorry Lizzy not today. I have homework." Izzy said. I punched him in the arm and said "Yes he will take you for ice cream Lizzy." "Okay!" she said and smiled She looked to be about 5 or 6. "Hey Izzy" she said when she got in. "Hey Lizzy" he said. "Hi" she said to me. "Hey" I said back. "You're very pretty" she said and smiled at me. "Thanks, you are too" I said. Izzy looked at me and smiled and then pulled off. "What's your name?" she asked. "Asia." "Mine is Elizabeth but you can call me Lizzy." "Okay Lizzy" I said and glanced at Izzy. He was smiling again. "Izzy will you take me for ice cream?" Lizzy asked her brother. "Sorry Lizzy not today. I have homework." Izzy said. I punched him in the arm and said "Yes he will take you for ice cream Lizzy." "Okay!" she said and smiled the end for now Chapter 4 We went to the ice cream shop Izzy gave Lizzy some money to go order the ice cream. "Why you so nice to my sister?" Izzy asked. "Cause she's nice and cute unlike her brother." I said "What am I then?" he asked "You're cute and mean." I said simply. "You are too. And you made me mean but actually im not mean." he said. "Yeah you are" Lizzy said walking up behind me with three ice cream cones. "Ha" I said and Lizzy gave us our ice cream. "Lizzy you're supposed to be on my side." Izzy said. "But you're mean" she said and gave me a high five. Izzy just smiled and ate his ice cream. "If you only knew how you looked eating that ice cream all slow like that." he said to me. I grabbed a chunk of my ice cream and smashed it in his face. "Freak!" I yelled in a playful voice. He flicked some off of his fingers at me and wiped the ice cream off his face. "Okay Lizzy time to go." he said and picked Lizzy up and took her to his car. When we got to his house we went to his room and Lizzy went to do her homework. "Damn boy yo room look like a jungle." I said when I walked in his room. "I never have time to clean it" he said. "Whateva" and sat on his bed. "So we gonna do this homework or what?" he said. "Okay start" I said. THE END......FOR NOW Text: nilinda.johnson Images: google Editing: nilindajohnson Translation: google All rights reserved. Publication Date: October 22nd 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-awesomemade

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-william-shakespeare-antony-and-cleopatra/

William Shakespeare Antony and Cleopatra PERSONS REPRESENTED. M.ANTONY, Triumvir OCTAVIUS CAESAR, Triumvir M. AEMIL. LEPIDUS, Triumvir SEXTUS POMPEIUS Triumvir DOMITIUS ENOBARBUS, friend to Antony VENTIDIUS, friend to Antony EROS, friend to Antony SCARUS, friend to Antony DERCETAS, friend to Antony DEMETRIUS, friend to Antony PHILO, friend to Antony MAECENAS, friend to Caesar AGRIPPA, friend to Caesar DOLABELLA, friend to Caesar PROCULEIUS, friend to Caesar THYREUS, friend to Caesar GALLUS, friend to Caesar MENAS, friend to Pompey MENECRATES, friend to Pompey VARRIUS, friend to Pompey TAURUS, Lieutenant-General to Caesar CANIDIUS, Lieutenant-General to Antony SILIUS, an Officer in Ventidius's army EUPHRONIUS, an Ambassador from Antony to Caesar ALEXAS, attendant on Cleopatra MARDIAN, attendant on Cleopatra SELEUCUS, attendant on Cleopatra DIOMEDES, attendant on Cleopatra A SOOTHSAYER A CLOWN CLEOPATRA, Queen of Egypt OCTAVIA, sister to Caesar and wife to Antony CHARMIAN, Attendant on Cleopatra IRAS, Attendant on Cleopatra Officers, Soldiers, Messengers, and other Attendants SCENE: Dispersed, in several parts of the Roman Empire. ACT I. SCENE I. Alexandria. A Room in CLEOPATRA'S palace. [Enter DEMETRIUS and PHILO.] PHILO. Nay, but this dotage of our general's O'erflows the measure: those his goodly eyes, That o'er the files and musters of the war Have glow'd like plated Mars, now bend, now turn, The office and devotion of their view Upon a tawny front: his captain's heart, Which in the scuffles of great fights hath burst The buckles on his breast, reneges all temper, And is become the bellows and the fan To cool a gipsy's lust. [Flourish within.] Look where they come: Take but good note, and you shall see in him The triple pillar of the world transform'd Into a strumpet's fool: behold and see. [Enter ANTONY and CLEOPATRA, with their trains; Eunuchs fanning her.] CLEOPATRA. If it be love indeed, tell me how much. ANTONY. There's beggary in the love that can be reckon'd. CLEOPATRA. I'll set a bourn how far to be belov'd. ANTONY. Then must thou needs find out new heaven, new earth. [Enter an Attendant.] ATTENDANT. News, my good lord, from Rome. ANTONY. Grates me:--the sum. CLEOPATRA. Nay, hear them, Antony: Fulvia perchance is angry; or who knows If the scarce-bearded Caesar have not sent His powerful mandate to you: 'Do this or this; Take in that kingdom and enfranchise that; Perform't, or else we damn thee.' ANTONY. How, my love! CLEOPATRA. Perchance! Nay, and most like:-- You must not stay here longer,--your dismission Is come from Caesar; therefore hear it, Antony. -- Where's Fulvia's process?--Caesar's I would say?--Both?-- Call in the messengers.--As I am Egypt's queen, Thou blushest, Antony; and that blood of thine Is Caesar's homager: else so thy cheek pays shame When shrill-tongu'd Fulvia scolds.--The messengers! ANTONY. Let Rome in Tiber melt, and the wide arch Of the rang'd empire fall! Here is my space. Kingdoms are clay: our dungy earth alike Feeds beast as man: the nobleness of life Is to do thus [Embracing]; when such a mutual pair And such a twain can do't, in which I bind, On pain of punishment, the world to weet We stand up peerless. CLEOPATRA. Excellent falsehood! Why did he marry Fulvia, and not love her?-- I'll seem the fool I am not; Antony Will be himself. ANTONY. But stirr'd by Cleopatra.-- Now, for the love of Love and her soft hours, Let's not confound the time with conference harsh: There's not a minute of our lives should stretch Without some pleasure now:--what sport to-night? CLEOPATRA. Hear the ambassadors. ANTONY. Fie, wrangling queen! Whom everything becomes,--to chide, to laugh, To weep; whose every passion fully strives To make itself in thee fair and admir'd! No messenger; but thine, and all alone To-night we'll wander through the streets and note The qualities of people. Come, my queen; Last night you did desire it:--speak not to us. [Exeunt ANTONY and CLEOPATRA, with their Train.] DEMETRIUS. Is Caesar with Antonius priz'd so slight? PHILO. Sir, sometimes when he is not Antony, He comes too short of that great property Which still should go with Antony. DEMETRIUS. I am full sorry That he approves the common liar, who Thus speaks of him at Rome: but I will hope Of better deeds to-morrow. Rest you happy! [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Alexandria. Another Room in CLEOPATRA'S palace. [Enter CHARMIAN, IRAS, ALEXAS, and a Soothsayer.] CHARMIAN. Lord Alexas, sweet Alexas, most anything Alexas, almost most absolute Alexas, where's the soothsayer that you praised so to the queen? O that I knew this husband, which you say must charge his horns with garlands! ALEXAS. Soothsayer,-- SOOTHSAYER. Your will? CHARMIAN. Is this the man?--Is't you, sir, that know things? SOOTHSAYER. In nature's infinite book of secrecy A little I can read. ALEXAS. Show him your hand. [Enter ENOBARBUS.] ENOBARBUS. Bring in the banquet quickly; wine enough Cleopatra's health to drink. CHARMIAN. Good, sir, give me good fortune. SOOTHSAYER. I make not, but foresee. CHARMIAN. Pray, then, foresee me one. SOOTHSAYER. You shall be yet far fairer than you are. CHARMIAN. He means in flesh. IRAS. No, you shall paint when you are old. CHARMIAN. Wrinkles forbid! ALEXAS. Vex not his prescience; be attentive. CHARMIAN. Hush! SOOTHSAYER. You shall be more beloving than beloved. CHARMIAN. I had rather heat my liver with drinking. ALEXAS. Nay, hear him. CHARMIAN. Good now, some excellent fortune! Let me be married to three kings in a forenoon, and widow them all: let me have a child at fifty, to whom Herod of Jewry may do homage: find me to marry me with Octavius Caesar, and companion me with my mistress. SOOTHSAYER. You shall outlive the lady whom you serve. CHARMIAN. O, excellent! I love long life better than figs. SOOTHSAYER. You have seen and prov'd a fairer former fortune Than that which is to approach. CHARMIAN. Then belike my children shall have no names:--pr'ythee, how many boys and wenches must I have? SOOTHSAYER. If every of your wishes had a womb, And fertile every wish, a million. CHARMIAN. Out, fool! I forgive thee for a witch. ALEXAS. You think none but your sheets are privy to your wishes. CHARMIAN. Nay, come, tell Iras hers. ALEXAS. We'll know all our fortunes. ENOBARBUS. Mine, and most of our fortunes, to-night, shall be-- drunk to bed. IRAS. There's a palm presages chastity, if nothing else. CHARMIAN. E'en as the o'erflowing Nilus presageth famine. IRAS. Go, you wild bedfellow, you cannot soothsay. CHARMIAN. Nay, if an oily palm be not a fruitful prognostication, I cannot scratch mine ear.--Pr'ythee, tell her but worky-day fortune. SOOTHSAYER. Your fortunes are alike. IRAS. But how, but how? give me particulars. SOOTHSAYER. I have said. IRAS. Am I not an inch of fortune better than she? CHARMIAN. Well, if you were but an inch of fortune better than I, where would you choose it? IRAS. Not in my husband's nose. CHARMIAN. Our worser thoughts heavens mend!--Alexas,--come, his fortune! his fortune!--O, let him marry a woman that cannot go, sweet Isis, I beseech thee! And let her die too, and give him a worse! and let worse follow worse, till the worst of all follow him laughing to his grave, fiftyfold a cuckold! Good Isis, hear me this prayer, though thou deny me a matter of more weight; good Isis, I beseech thee! IRAS. Amen. Dear goddess, hear that prayer of the people! for, as it is a heartbreaking to see a handsome man loose-wived, so it is a deadly sorrow to behold a foul knave uncuckolded: therefore, dear Isis, keep decorum, and fortune him accordingly! CHARMIAN. Amen. ALEXAS. Lo now, if it lay in their hands to make me a cuckold, they would make themselves whores but they'd do't! ENOBARBUS. Hush! Here comes Antony. CHARMIAN. Not he; the queen. [Enter CLEOPATRA.] CLEOPATRA. Saw you my lord? ENOBARBUS. No, lady. CLEOPATRA. Was he not here? CHARMIAN. No, madam. CLEOPATRA. He was dispos'd to mirth; but on the sudden A Roman thought hath struck him.--Enobarbus,-- ENOBARBUS. Madam? CLEOPATRA. Seek him, and bring him hither.--Where's Alexas? ALEXAS. Here, at your service.--My lord approaches. CLEOPATRA. We will not look upon him: go with us. [Exeunt CLEOPATRA, ENOBARBUS, CHAR., IRAS, ALEX., and Soothsayer.] [Enter ANTONY, with a MESSENGER and Attendants.] MESSENGER. Fulvia thy wife first came into the field. ANTONY. Against my brother Lucius. MESSENGER. Ay: But soon that war had end, and the time's state Made friends of them, jointing their force 'gainst Caesar; Whose better issue in the war, from Italy Upon the first encounter, drave them. ANTONY. Well, what worst? MESSENGER. The nature of bad news infects the teller. ANTONY. When it concerns the fool or coward.--On:-- Things that are past are done with me.--'Tis thus; Who tells me true, though in his tale lie death, I hear him as he flatter'd. MESSENGER. Labienus,-- This is stiff news,--hath, with his Parthian force, Extended Asia from Euphrates; His conquering banner shook from Syria To Lydia and to Ionia; Whilst,-- ANTONY. Antony, thou wouldst say,-- MESSENGER. O, my lord! ANTONY. Speak to me home, mince not the general tongue: Name Cleopatra as she is call'd in Rome; Rail thou in Fulvia's phrase; and taunt my faults With such full licence as both truth and malice Have power to utter. O, then we bring forth weeds When our quick minds lie still; and our ills told us Is as our earing. Fare thee well awhile. MESSENGER. At your noble pleasure. [Exit.] ANTONY. From Sicyon, ho, the news! Speak there! FIRST ATTENDANT. The man from Sicyon--is there such an one? SECOND ATTENDANT. He stays upon your will. ANTONY. Let him appear.-- These strong Egyptian fetters I must break, Or lose myself in dotage.-- [Enter another MESSENGER.] What are you? SECOND MESSENGER. Fulvia thy wife is dead. ANTONY. Where died she? SECOND MESSENGER. In Sicyon: Her length of sickness, with what else more serious Importeth thee to know, this bears. [Gives a letter.] ANTONY. Forbear me. [Exit MESSENGER.] There's a great spirit gone! Thus did I desire it: What our contempts doth often hurl from us, We wish it ours again; the present pleasure, By revolution lowering, does become The opposite of itself: she's good, being gone; The hand could pluck her back that shov'd her on. I must from this enchanting queen break off: Ten thousand harms, more than the ills I know, My idleness doth hatch--ho, Enobarbus! [Re-enter ENOBARBUS.] ENOBARBUS. What's your pleasure, sir? ANTONY. I must with haste from hence. ENOBARBUS. Why, then we kill all our women: we see how mortal an unkindness is to them; if they suffer our departure, death's the word. ANTONY. I must be gone. ENOBARBUS. Under a compelling occasion, let women die: it were pity to cast them away for nothing; though, between them and a great cause they should be esteemed nothing. Cleopatra, catching but the least noise of this, dies instantly; I have seen her die twenty times upon far poorer moment: I do think there is mettle in death, which commits some loving act upon her, she hath such a celerity in dying. ANTONY. She is cunning past man's thought. ENOBARBUS. Alack, sir, no: her passions are made of nothing but the finest part of pure love: we cannot call her winds and waters, sighs and tears; they are greater storms and tempests than almanacs can report: this cannot be cunning in her; if it be, she makes a shower of rain as well as Jove. ANTONY. Would I had never seen her! ENOBARBUS. O sir, you had then left unseen a wonderful piece of work; which not to have been blest withal would have discredited your travel. ANTONY. Fulvia is dead. ENOBARBUS. Sir? ANTONY. Fulvia is dead. ENOBARBUS. Fulvia? ANTONY. Dead. ENOBARBUS. Why, sir, give the gods a thankful sacrifice. When it pleaseth their deities to take the wife of a man from him, it shows to man the tailors of the earth; comforting therein that when old robes are worn out there are members to make new. If there were no more women but Fulvia, then had you indeed a cut, and the case to be lamented: this grief is crown'd with consolation; your old smock brings forth a new petticoat:--and, indeed, the tears live in an onion that should water this sorrow. ANTONY. The business she hath broached in the state Cannot endure my absence. ENOBARBUS. And the business you have broached here cannot be without you; especially that of Cleopatra's, which wholly depends on your abode. ANTONY. No more light answers. Let our officers Have notice what we purpose. I shall break The cause of our expedience to the queen, And get her leave to part. For not alone The death of Fulvia, with more urgent touches, Do strongly speak to us; but the letters too Of many our contriving friends in Rome Petition us at home: Sextus Pompeius Hath given the dare to Caesar, and commands The empire of the sea; our slippery people,-- Whose love is never link'd to the deserver Till his deserts are past,--begin to throw Pompey the Great, and all his dignities, Upon his son; who, high in name and power, Higher than both in blood and life, stands up For the main soldier: whose quality, going on, The sides o' the world may danger: much is breeding Which, like the courser's hair, hath yet but life And not a serpent's poison. Say, our pleasure To such whose place is under us, requires Our quick remove from hence. ENOBARBUS. I shall do't. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Alexandria. A Room in CLEOPATRA'S palace. [Enter CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, IRAS, and ALEXAS.] CLEOPATRA. Where is he? CHARMIAN. I did not see him since. CLEOPATRA. See where he is, who's with him, what he does:-- I did not send you:--if you find him sad, Say I am dancing; if in mirth, report That I am sudden sick: quick, and return. [Exit ALEXAS.] CHARMIAN. Madam, methinks, if you did love him dearly, You do not hold the method to enforce The like from him. CLEOPATRA. What should I do, I do not? CHARMIAN. In each thing give him way; cross him in nothing. CLEOPATRA. Thou teachest like a fool,--the way to lose him. CHARMIAN. Tempt him not so too far; I wish, forbear; In time we hate that which we often fear. But here comes Antony. [Enter ANTONY.] CLEOPATRA. I am sick and sullen. ANTONY. I am sorry to give breathing to my purpose,-- CLEOPATRA. Help me away, dear Charmian; I shall fall; It cannot be thus long, the sides of nature Will not sustain it. ANTONY. Now, my dearest queen,-- CLEOPATRA. Pray you, stand farther from me. ANTONY. What's the matter? CLEOPATRA. I know by that same eye there's some good news. What says the married woman?--You may go. Would she had never given you leave to come! Let her not say 'tis I that keep you here,-- I have no power upon you; hers you are. ANTONY. The gods best know,-- CLEOPATRA. O, never was there queen So mightily betray'd! Yet at the first I saw the treasons planted. ANTONY. Cleopatra,-- CLEOPATRA. Why should I think you can be mine and true, Though you in swearing shake the throned gods, Who have been false to Fulvia? Riotous madness, To be entangled with those mouth-made vows, Which break themselves in swearing! ANTONY. Most sweet queen,-- CLEOPATRA. Nay, pray you, seek no colour for your going, But bid farewell, and go: when you su'd staying, Then was the time for words: no going then;-- Eternity was in our lips and eyes, Bliss in our brows' bent; none our parts so poor But was a race of heaven: they are so still, Or thou, the greatest soldier of the world, Art turn'd the greatest liar. ANTONY. How now, lady! CLEOPATRA. I would I had thy inches; thou shouldst know There were a heart in Egypt. ANTONY. Hear me, queen: The strong necessity of time commands Our services awhile; but my full heart Remains in use with you. Our Italy Shines o'er with civil swords: Sextus Pompeius Makes his approaches to the port of Rome; Equality of two domestic powers Breed scrupulous faction: the hated, grown to strength, Are newly grown to love: the condemn'd Pompey, Rich in his father's honour, creeps apace Into the hearts of such as have not thriv'd Upon the present state, whose numbers threaten; And quietness, grown sick of rest, would purge By any desperate change. My more particular, And that which most with you should safe my going, Is Fulvia's death. CLEOPATRA. Though age from folly could not give me freedom, It does from childishness:--can Fulvia die? ANTONY. She's dead, my queen. Look here, and, at thy sovereign leisure, read The garboils she awak'd;at the last, best. See when and where she died. CLEOPATRA. O most false love! Where be the sacred vials thou shouldst fill With sorrowful water? Now I see, I see, In Fulvia's death how mine receiv'd shall be. ANTONY. Quarrel no more, but be prepar'd to know The purposes I bear; which are, or cease, As you shall give theadvice. By the fire That quickens Nilus' slime, I go from hence Thy soldier, servant, making peace or war As thou affect'st. CLEOPATRA. Cut my lace, Charmian, come;-- But let it be: I am quickly ill and well, So Antony loves. ANTONY. My precious queen, forbear; And give true evidence to his love, which stands An honourable trial. CLEOPATRA. So Fulvia told me. I pr'ythee, turn aside and weep for her; Then bid adieu to me, and say the tears Belong to Egypt: good now, play one scene Of excellent dissembling; and let it look Like perfect honour. ANTONY. You'll heat my blood: no more. CLEOPATRA. You can do better yet; but this is meetly. ANTONY. Now, by my sword,-- CLEOPATRA. And target.--Still he mends; But this is not the best:--look, pr'ythee, Charmian, How this Herculean Roman does become The carriage of his chafe. ANTONY. I'll leave you, lady. CLEOPATRA. Courteous lord, one word. Sir, you and I must part,--but that's not it; Sir, you and I have lov'd,--but there's not it; That you know well: something it is I would,-- O, my oblivion is a very Antony, And I am all forgotten. ANTONY. But that your royalty Holds idleness your subject, I should take you For idleness itself. CLEOPATRA. 'Tis sweating labour To bear such idleness so near the heart As Cleopatra this. But, sir, forgive me; Since my becomings kill me, when they do not Eye well to you: your honour calls you hence; Therefore be deaf to my unpitied folly, And all the gods go with you! upon your sword Sit laurel victory! and smooth success Be strew'd before your feet! ANTONY. Let us go. Come; Our separation so abides, and flies, That thou, residing here, goes yet with me, And I, hence fleeting, here remain with thee. Away! [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Rome. An Apartment in CAESAR'S House. [Enter OCTAVIUS CAESAR, LEPIDUS, and Attendants.] CAESAR. You may see, Lepidus, and henceforth know, It is not Caesar's natural vice to hate Our great competitor. From Alexandria This is the news:--he fishes, drinks, and wastes The lamps of night in revel: is not more manlike Than Cleopatra;, nor the queen of Ptolemy More womanly than he: hardly gave audience, or Vouchsaf'd to think he had partners: you shall find there A man who is the abstract of all faults That all men follow. LEPIDUS. I must not think there are Evils enow to darken all his goodness: His faults in him seem as the spots of heaven, More fiery by night's blackness; hereditary Rather than purchas'd; what he cannot change Than what he chooses. CAESAR. You are too indulgent. Let's grant it is not Amiss to tumble on the bed of Ptolemy; To give a kingdom for a mirth; to sit And keep the turn of tippling with a slave; To reel the streets at noon, and stand the buffet With knaves that smell of sweat: say this becomes him,-- As his composure must be rare indeed Whom these things cannot blemish,--yet must Antony No way excuse his foils when we do bear So great weight in his lightness. If he fill'd His vacancy with his voluptuousness, Full surfeits and the dryness of his bones Call on him for't: but to confound such time That drums him from his sport, and speaks as loud As his own state and ours,--'tis to be chid As we rate boys, who, being mature in knowledge, Pawn their experience to their present pleasure, And so rebel to judgment. [Enter a Messenger.] LEPIDUS. Here's more news. MESSENGER. Thy biddings have been done; and every hour, Most noble Caesar, shalt thou have report How 'tis abroad. Pompey is strong at sea; And it appears he is belov'd of those That only have fear'd Caesar: to the ports The discontents repair, and men's reports Give him much wrong'd. CAESAR. I should have known no less: It hath been taught us from the primal state That he which is was wish'd until he were; And the ebb'd man, ne'er lov'd till ne'er worth love, Comes dear'd by being lack'd. This common body, Like to a vagabond flag upon the stream, Goes to and back, lackeying the varying tide, To rot itself with motion. MESSENGER. Caesar, I bring thee word Menecrates and Menas, famous pirates, Make the sea serve them, which they ear and wound With keels of every kind: many hot inroads They make in Italy; the borders maritime Lack blood to think on't, and flush youth revolt: No vessel can peep forth but 'tis as soon Taken as seen; for Pompey's name strikes more Than could his war resisted. CAESAR. Antony, Leave thy lascivious wassails. When thou once Was beaten from Modena, where thou slew'st Hirtius and Pansa, consuls, at thy heel Did famine follow; whom thou fought'st against, Though daintily brought up, with patience more Than savages could suffer: thou didst drink The stale of horses, and the gilded puddle Which beasts would cough at: thy palate then did deign The roughest berry on the rudest hedge; Yea, like the stag when snow the pasture sheets, The barks of trees thou browsed'st; on the Alps It is reported thou didst eat strange flesh, Which some did die to look on: and all this,-- It wounds thine honour that I speak it now,-- Was borne so like a soldier that thy cheek So much as lank'd not. LEPIDUS. 'Tis pity of him. CAESAR. Let his shames quickly Drive him to Rome; 'tis time we twain Did show ourselves i' thefield; and to that end Assemble we immediate council: Pompey Thrives in our idleness. LEPIDUS. To-morrow, Caesar, I shall be furnish'd to inform you rightly Both what by sea and land I can be able To front this present time. CAESAR. Till which encounter It is my business too. Farewell. LEPIDUS. Farewell, my lord: what you shall know meantime Of stirs abroad, I shall beseech you, sir, To let me be partaker. CAESAR. Doubt not, sir; I knew it for my bond. [Exeunt.] SCENE V. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, IRAS, and MARDIAN.] CLEOPATRA. Charmian,-- CHARMIAN. Madam? CLEOPATRA. Ha, ha!-- Give me to drink mandragora. CHARMIAN. Why, madam? CLEOPATRA. That I might sleep out this great gap of time My Antony is away. CHARMIAN. You think of him too much. CLEOPATRA. O, 'tis treason! CHARMIAN. Madam, I trust, not so. CLEOPATRA. Thou, eunuch Mardian! MARDIAN. What's your highness' pleasure? CLEOPATRA. Not now to hear thee sing; I take no pleasure In aught an eunuch has; 'tis well for thee That, being unseminar'd, thy freer thoughts May not fly forth of Egypt. Hast thou affections? MARDIAN. Yes, gracious madam. CLEOPATRA. Indeed! MARDIAN. Not in deed, madam; for I can do nothing But what indeed is honest to be done: Yet have I fierce affections, and think What Venus did with Mars. CLEOPATRA. O Charmian, Where think'st thou he is now? Stands he or sits he? Or does he walk? or is he on his horse? O happy horse, to bear the weight of Antony! Do bravely, horse! for wott'st thou whom thou mov'st? The demi-Atlas of this earth, the arm And burgonet of men.--He's speaking now, Or murmuring 'Where's my serpent of old Nile?' For so he calls me.--Now I feed myself With most delicious poison:--think on me, That am with Phoebus' amorous pinches black, And wrinkled deep in time? Broad-fronted Caesar, When thou wast here above the ground I was A morsel for a monarch: and great Pompey Would stand and make his eyes grow in my brow; There would he anchor his aspect and die With looking on his life. [Enter ALEXAS.] ALEXAS. Sovereign of Egypt, hail! CLEOPATRA. How much unlike art thou Mark Antony! Yet, coming from him, that great medicine hath With his tinct gilded thee.-- How goes it with my brave Mark Antony? ALEXAS. Last thing he did, dear queen, He kiss'd,--the last of many doubled kisses,-- This orient pearl: his speech sticks in my heart. CLEOPATRA. Mine ear must pluck it thence. ALEXAS. 'Good friend,' quoth he 'Say, the firm Roman to great Egypt sends This treasure of an oyster; at whose foot, To mend the petty present, I will piece Her opulent throne with kingdoms; all the east, Say thou, shall call her mistress.' So he nodded, And soberly did mount an arm-girt steed, Who neigh'd so high that what I would have spoke Was beastly dumb'd by him. CLEOPATRA. What, was he sad or merry? ALEXAS. Like to the time o' the year between the extremes Of hot and cold, he was nor sad nor merry. CLEOPATRA. O well-divided disposition!--Note him, Note him, good Charmian; 'tis the man; but note him: He was not sad,--for he would shine on those That make their looks by his; he was not merry,-- Which seem'd to tell them his remembrance lay In Egypt with his joy; but between both: O heavenly mingle!--Be'st thou sad or merry, The violence of either thee becomes, So does it no man else.--Mett'st thou my posts? ALEXAS. Ay, madam, twenty several messengers. Why do you send so thick? CLEOPATRA. Who's born that day When I forget to send to Antony Shall die a beggar.--Ink and paper, Charmian.-- Welcome, my good Alexas.--Did I, Charmian, Ever love Caesar so? CHARMIAN. O that brave Caesar! CLEOPATRA. Be chok'd with such another emphasis! Say 'the brave Antony.' CHARMIAN. The valiant Caesar! CLEOPATRA. By Isis, I will give thee bloody teeth If thou with Caesar paragon again My man of men. CHARMIAN. By your most gracious pardon, I sing but after you. CLEOPATRA. My salad days, When I was green in judgment:--cold in blood, To say as I said then!--But come, away; Get me ink and paper: he shall have every day A several greeting, Or I'll unpeople Egypt. [Exeunt.] ACT II. SCENE I. Messina. A Room in POMPEY'S house. [Enter POMPEY, MENECRATES, and MENAS.] POMPEY. If the great gods be just, they shall assist The deeds of justest men. MENECRATES. Know, worthy Pompey, That what they do delay they not deny. POMPEY. Whiles we are suitors to their throne, decays The thing we sue for. MENECRATES. We, ignorant of ourselves, Beg often our own harms, which the wise powers Deny us for our good; so find we profit By losing of our prayers. POMPEY. I shall do well; The people love me, and the sea is mine; My powers are crescent, and my auguring hope Says it will come to the full. Mark Antony In Egypt sits at dinner, and will make No wars without doors: Caesar gets money where He loses hearts: Lepidus flatters both, Of both is flatter'd; but he neither loves Nor either cares for him. MENAS. Caesar and Lepidus Are in the field: a mighty strength they carry. POMPEY. Where have you this? 'tis false. MENAS. From Silvius, sir. POMPEY. He dreams: I know they are in Rome together, Looking for Antony. But all the charms of love, Salt Cleopatra, soften thy wan'd lip! Let witchcraft join with beauty, lust with both! Tie up the libertine in a field of feasts, Keep his brain fuming; Epicurean cooks Sharpen with cloyless sauce his appetite; That sleep and feeding may prorogue his honour Even till a Lethe'd dullness. [Enter VARRIUS.] How now, Varrius! VARRIUS. This is most certain that I shall deliver:-- Mark Antony is every hour in Rome Expected: since he went from Egypt 'tis A space for further travel. POMPEY. I could have given less matter A better ear.--Menas, I did not think This amorous surfeiter would have donn'd his helm For such a petty war; his soldiership Is twice the other twain: but let us rear The higher our opinion, that our stirring Can from the lap of Egypt's widow pluck The ne'er lust-wearied Antony. MENAS. I cannot hope Caesar and Antony shall well greet together: His wife that's dead did trespasses to Caesar; His brother warr'd upon him; although, I think, Not mov'd by Antony. POMPEY. I know not, Menas, How lesser enmities may give way to greater. Were't not that we stand up against them all, 'Twere pregnant they should square between themselves; For they have entertained cause enough To draw their swords: but how the fear of us May cement their divisions, and bind up The petty difference, we yet not know. Be't as our gods will have't! It only stands Our lives upon to use our strongest hands. Come, Menas. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Rome. A Room in the House of LEPIDUS. [Enter ENOBARBUS and LEPIDUS.] LEPIDUS. Good Enobarbus, 'tis a worthy deed, And shall become you well, to entreat your captain To soft and gentle speech. ENOBARBUS. I shall entreat him To answer like himself: if Caesar move him, Let Antony look over Caesar's head, And speak as loud as Mars. By Jupiter, Were I the wearer of Antonius' beard, I would not shave't to-day. LEPIDUS. 'Tis not a time For private stomaching. ENOBARBUS. Every time Serves for the matter that is then born in't. LEPIDUS. But small to greater matters must give way. ENOBARBUS. Not if the small come first. LEPIDUS. Your speech is passion: But, pray you, stir no embers up. Here comes The noble Antony. [Enter ANTONY and VENTIDIUS.] ENOBARBUS. And yonder, Caesar. [Enter CAESAR, MAECENAS, and AGRIPPA.] ANTONY. If we compose well here, to Parthia; Hark, Ventidius. CAESAR. I do not know, Maecenas; ask Agrippa. LEPIDUS. Noble friends, That which combin'd us was most great, and let not A leaner action rend us. What's amiss, May it be gently heard: when we debate Our trivial difference loud, we do commit Murder in healing wounds: then, noble partners,-- The rather for I earnestly beseech,-- Touch you the sourest points with sweetest terms, Nor curstness grow to the matter. ANTONY. 'Tis spoken well. Were we before our armies, and to fight, I should do thus. CAESAR. Welcome to Rome. ANTONY. Thank you. CAESAR. Sit. ANTONY. Sit, sir. CAESAR. Nay, then. ANTONY. I learn you take things ill which are not so, Or being, concern you not. CAESAR. I must be laugh'd at If, or for nothing or a little, I Should say myself offended, and with you Chiefly i' the world; more laugh'd at that I should Once name you derogately, when to sound your name It not concern'd me. ANTONY. My being in Egypt, Caesar, What was't to you? CAESAR. No more than my residing here at Rome Might be to you in Egypt: yet, if you there Did practise on my state, your being in Egypt Might be my question. ANTONY. How intend you practis'd? CAESAR. You may be pleas'd to catch at mine intent By what did here befall me. Your wife and brother Made wars upon me; and their contestation Was theme for you, you were the word of war. ANTONY. You do mistake your business; my brother never Did urge me in his act: I did inquire it; And have my learning from some true reports That drew their swords with you. Did he not rather Discredit my authority with yours; And make the wars alike against my stomach, Having alike your cause? Of this my letters Before did satisfy you. If you'll patch a quarrel As matter whole you have not to make it with, It must not be with this. CAESAR. You praise yourself By laying defects of judgment to me; but You patch'd up your excuses. ANTONY. Not so, not so; I know you could not lack, I am certain on't, Very necessity of this thought, that I, Your partner in the cause 'gainst which he fought, Could not with graceful eyes attend those wars Which 'fronted mine own peace. As for my wife, I would you had her spirit in such another: The third o' theworld is yours; which with a snaffle You may pace easy, but not such a wife. ENOBARBUS. Would we had all such wives, that the men Might go to wars with the women. ANTONY. So much uncurbable, her garboils, Caesar, Made out of her impatience,--which not wanted Shrewdness of policy too,--I grieving grant Did you too much disquiet: for that you must But say I could not help it. CAESAR. I wrote to you When rioting in Alexandria; you Did pocket up my letters, and with taunts Did gibe my missive out of audience. ANTONY. Sir, He fell upon me ere admitted: then Three kings I had newly feasted, and did want Of what I was i' the morning: but next day I told him of myself; which was as much As to have ask'd him pardon. Let this fellow Be nothing of our strife; if we contend, Out of our question wipe him. CAESAR. You have broken The article of your oath; which you shall never Have tongue to charge me with. LEPIDUS. Soft, Caesar! ANTONY. No; Lepidus, let him speak. The honour is sacred which he talks on now, Supposing that I lack'd it.--But on, Caesar; The article of my oath. CAESAR. To lend me arms and aid when I requir'd them; The which you both denied. ANTONY. Neglected, rather; And then when poison'd hours had bound me up From mine own knowledge. As nearly as I may, I'll play the penitent to you: but mine honesty Shall not make poor my greatness, nor my power Work without it. Truth is, that Fulvia, To have me out of Egypt, made wars here; For which myself, the ignorant motive, do So far ask pardon as befits mine honour To stoop in such a case. LEPIDUS. 'Tis noble spoken. MAECENAS. If it might please you to enforce no further The griefs between ye: to forget them quite Were to remember that the present need Speaks to atone you. LEPIDUS. Worthily spoken, Maecenas. ENOBARBUS. Or, if you borrow one another's love for the instant, you may, when you hear no more words of Pompey, return it again: you shall have time to wrangle in when you have nothing else to do. ANTONY. Thou art a soldier only: speak no more. ENOBARBUS. That truth should be silent I had almost forgot. ANTONY. You wrong this presence; therefore speak no more. ENOBARBUS. Go to, then; your considerate stone! CAESAR. I do not much dislike the matter, but The manner of his speech; for't cannot be We shall remain in friendship, our conditions So differing in their acts. Yet if I knew What hoop should hold us stanch, from edge to edge O' the world, I would pursue it. AGRIPPA. Give me leave, Caesar,-- CAESAR. Speak, Agrippa. AGRIPPA. Thou hast a sister by the mother's side, Admir'd Octavia: great Mark Antony Is now a widower. CAESAR. Say not so, Agrippa: If Cleopatra heard you, your reproof Were well deserv'd of rashness. ANTONY. I am not married, Caesar: let me hear Agrippa further speak. AGRIPPA. To hold you in perpetual amity, To make you brothers, and to knit your hearts With an unslipping knot, take Antony Octavia to his wife; whose beauty claims No worse a husband than the best of men; Whose virtue and whose general graces speak That which none else can utter. By this marriage All little jealousies, which now seem great, And all great fears, which now import their dangers, Would then be nothing: truths would be tales, Where now half tales be truths: her love to both Would each to other, and all loves to both, Draw after her. Pardon what I have spoke; For 'tis a studied, not a present thought, By duty ruminated. ANTONY. Will Caesar speak? CAESAR. Not till he hears how Antony is touch'd With what is spoke already. ANTONY. What power is in Agrippa, If I would say 'Agrippa, be it so,' To make this good? CAESAR. The power of Caesar, and His power unto Octavia. ANTONY. May I never To this good purpose, that so fairly shows, Dream of impediment!--Let me have thy hand: Further this act of grace; and from this hour The heart of brothers govern in our loves And sway our great designs! CAESAR. There is my hand. A sister I bequeath you, whom no brother Did ever love so dearly: let her live To join our kingdoms and our hearts; and never Fly off our loves again! LEPIDUS. Happily, amen! ANTONY. I did not think to draw my sword 'gainst Pompey; For he hath laid strange courtesies and great Of late upon me. I must thank him only, Lest my remembrance suffer ill report; At heel of that, defy him. LEPIDUS. Time calls upon's: Of us must Pompey presently be sought, Or else he seeks out us. ANTONY. Where lies he? CAESAR. About the Mount Misenum. ANTONY. What is his strength By land? CAESAR. Great and increasing; but by sea He is an absolute master. ANTONY. So is the fame. Would we had spoke together! Haste we for it: Yet, ere we put ourselves in arms, despatch we The business we have talk'd of. CAESAR. With most gladness; And do invite you to my sister's view, Whither straight I'll lead you. ANTONY. Let us, Lepidus, Not lack your company. LEPIDUS. Noble Antony, Not sickness should detain me. [Flourish. Exeunt CAESAR, ANTONY, and LEPIDUS.] MAECENAS. Welcome from Egypt, sir. ENOBARBUS. Half the heart of Caesar, worthy Maecenas!--my honourable friend, Agrippa!-- AGRIPPA. Good Enobarbus! MAECENAS. We have cause to be glad that matters are so well digested. You stay'd well by it in Egypt. ENOBARBUS. Ay, sir; we did sleep day out of countenance, and made the night light with drinking. MAECENAS. Eight wild boars roasted whole at a breakfast, and but twelve persons there. Is this true? ENOBARBUS. This was but as a fly by an eagle: we had much more monstrous matter of feast, which worthily deserved noting. MAECENAS. She's a most triumphant lady, if report be square to her. ENOBARBUS. When she first met Mark Antony she pursed up his heart, upon the river of Cydnus. AGRIPPA. There she appeared indeed; or my reporter devised well for her. ENOBARBUS. I will tell you. The barge she sat in, like a burnish'd throne, Burn'd on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails, and so perfumed that The winds were love-sick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes. For her own person, It beggar'd all description: she did lie In her pavilion,--cloth-of-gold of tissue,-- O'er-picturing that Venus where we see The fancy out-work nature: on each side her Stood pretty dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids, With divers-colour'd fans, whose wind did seem To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool, And what they undid did. AGRIPPA. O, rare for Antony! ENOBARBUS. Her gentlewomen, like the Nereids, So many mermaids, tended her i' the eyes, And made their bends adornings: at the helm A seeming mermaid steers: the silken tackle Swell with the touches of those flower-soft hands That yarely frame the office. From the barge A strange invisible perfume hits the sense Of the adjacent wharfs. The city cast Her people out upon her; and Antony, Enthron'd i' the market-place, did sit alone, Whistling to the air; which, but for vacancy, Had gone to gaze on Cleopatra too, And made a gap in nature. AGRIPPA. Rare Egyptian! ENOBARBUS. Upon her landing, Antony sent to her, Invited her to supper: she replied It should be better he became her guest; Which she entreated: our courteous Antony, Whom ne'er the word of 'No' woman heard speak, Being barber'd ten times o'er, goes to the feast, And, for his ordinary, pays his heart For what his eyes eat only. AGRIPPA. Royal wench! She made great Caesar lay his sword to bed: He ploughed her, and she cropp'd. ENOBARBUS. I saw her once Hop forty paces through the public street; And, having lost her breath, she spoke and panted, That she did make defect perfection, And, breathless, power breathe forth. MAECENAS. Now Antony must leave her utterly. ENOBARBUS. Never; he will not: Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety: other women cloy The appetites they feed; but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies: for vilest things Become themselves in her; that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. MAECENAS. If beauty, wisdom, modesty, can settle The heart of Antony, Octavia is A blessed lottery to him. AGRIPPA. Let us go.-- Good Enobarbus, make yourself my guest Whilst you abide here. ENOBARBUS. Humbly, sir, I thank you. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Rome. A Room in CAESAR'S House. [Enter CAESAR, ANTONY, OCTAVIA between them, and Attendants.] ANTONY. The world and my great office will sometimes Divide me from your bosom. OCTAVIA. All which time Before the gods my knee shall bow my prayers To them for you. ANTONY. Good night, sir.--My Octavia, Read not my blemishes in the world's report: I have not kept my square; but that to come Shall all be done by the rule. Good night, dear lady.-- OCTAVIA. Good night, sir. CAESAR. Good night. [Exeunt CAESAR and OCTAVIA.] [Enter SOOTHSAYER.] ANTONY. Now, sirrah, you do wish yourself in Egypt? SOOTHSAYER. Would I had never come from thence, nor you Thither! ANTONY. If you can, your reason. SOOTHSAYER. I see it in my motion, have it not in my tongue; but yet Hie you to Egypt again. ANTONY. Say to me, Whose fortunes shall rise higher, Caesar's or mine? SOOTHSAYER. Caesar's. Therefore, O Antony, stay not by his side: Thy demon, that thy spirit which keeps thee, is Noble, courageous, high, unmatchable, Where Caesar's is not; but near him thy angel Becomes a fear, as being o'erpower'd: therefore Make space enough between you. ANTONY. Speak this no more. SOOTHSAYER. To none but thee; no more but when to thee. If thou dost play with him at any game, Thou art sure to lose; and of that natural luck He beats thee 'gainst the odds: thy lustre thickens When he shines by: I say again, thy spirit Is all afraid to govern thee near him; But, he away, 'tis noble. ANTONY. Get thee gone: Say to Ventidius I would speak with him:-- [Exit SOOTHSAYER.] He shall to Parthia.--Be it art or hap, He hath spoken true: the very dice obey him;-- And in our sports my better cunning faints Under his chance: if we draw lots, he speeds; His cocks do win the battle still of mine, When it is all to nought; and his quails ever Beat mine, inhoop'd, at odds. I will to Egypt: And though I make this marriage for my peace, I' the East my pleasure lies. [Enter VENTIDIUS.] O, come, Ventidius, You must to Parthia: your commission's ready; Follow me and receive it. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Rome. A street. [Enter LEPIDUS, MAECENAS, and AGRIPPA.] LEPIDUS. Trouble yourselves no further: pray you, hasten Your generals after. AGRIPPA. Sir, Mark Antony Will e'en but kiss Octavia, and we'll follow. LEPIDUS. Till I shall see you in your soldier's dress, Which will become you both, farewell. MAECENAS. We shall, As I conceive the journey, be at the mount Before you, Lepidus. LEPIDUS. Your way is shorter; My purposes do draw me much about. You'll win two days upon me. BOTH. Sir, good success! LEPIDUS. Farewell. [Exeunt.] SCENE V. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, IRAS, ALEXAS, and Attendants.] CLEOPATRA. Give me some music,--music, moody food Of us that trade in love. ALL. The music, ho! [Enter MARDIAN.] CLEOPATRA. Let it alone; let's to billiards: Come, Charmian. CHARMIAN. My arm is sore; best play with Mardian. CLEOPATRA. As well a woman with an eunuch play'd As with a woman.--Come, you'll play with me, sir? MARDIAN. As well as I can, madam. CLEOPATRA. And when good will is show'd, though't come too short, The actor may plead pardon. I'll none now:-- Give me mine angle,--we'll to the river. There, My music playing far off, I will betray Tawny-finn'd fishes; my bended hook shall pierce Their slimy jaws; and as I draw them up I'll think them every one an Antony, And say 'Ah ha! You're caught.' CHARMIAN. 'Twas merry when You wager'd on your angling; when your diver Did hang a salt fish on his hook, which he With fervency drew up. CLEOPATRA. That time?--O times!-- I laughed him out of patience; and that night I laugh'd him into patience: and next morn, Ere the ninth hour, I drunk him to his bed; Then put my tires and mantles on him, whilst I wore his sword Philippan. [Enter a MESSENGER.] O! from Italy!-- Ram thou thy fruitful tidings in mine ears, That long time have been barren. MESSENGER. Madam, madam,-- CLEOPATRA. Antony's dead!-- If thou say so, villain, thou kill'st thy mistress; But well and free, If thou so yield him, there is gold, and here My bluest veins to kiss,--a hand that kings Have lipp'd, and trembled kissing. MESSENGER. First, madam, he's well. CLEOPATRA. Why, there's more gold. But, sirrah, mark, we use To say the dead are well: bring it to that, The gold I give thee will I melt and pour Down thy ill-uttering throat. MESSENGER. Good madam, hear me. CLEOPATRA. Well, go to, I will; But there's no goodness in thy face: if Antony Be free and healthful,--why so tart a favour To trumpet such good tidings! If not well, Thou shouldst come like a fury crown'd with snakes, Not like a formal man. MESSENGER. Will't please you hear me? CLEOPATRA. I have a mind to strike thee ere thou speak'st: Yet, if thou say Antony lives, is well, Or friends with Caesar, or not captive to him, I'll set thee in a shower of gold, and hail Rich pearls upon thee. MESSENGER. Madam, he's well. CLEOPATRA. Well said. MESSENGER. And friends with Caesar. CLEOPATRA. Th'art an honest man. MESSENGER. Caesar and he are greater friends than ever. CLEOPATRA. Make thee a fortune from me. MESSENGER. But yet, madam,-- CLEOPATRA. I do not like 'but yet', it does allay The good precedence; fie upon 'but yet'! 'But yet' is as a gaoler to bring forth Some monstrous malefactor. Pr'ythee, friend, Pour out the pack of matter to mine ear, The good and bad together: he's friends with Caesar; In state of health, thou say'st; and, thou say'st, free. MESSENGER. Free, madam! no; I made no such report: He's bound unto Octavia. CLEOPATRA. For what good turn? MESSENGER. For the best turn i' the bed. CLEOPATRA. I am pale, Charmian. MESSENGER. Madam, he's married to Octavia. CLEOPATRA. The most infectious pestilence upon thee! [Strikes him down.] MESSENGER. Good madam, patience. CLEOPATRA. What say you?--Hence, [Strikes him again.] Horrible villain! or I'll spurn thine eyes Like balls before me; I'll unhair thy head: [She hales him up and down.] Thou shalt be whipp'd with wire and stew'd in brine, Smarting in ling'ring pickle. MESSENGER. Gracious madam, I that do bring the news made not the match. CLEOPATRA. Say 'tis not so, a province I will give thee, And make thy fortunes proud: the blow thou hadst Shall make thy peace for moving me to rage; And I will boot thee with what gift beside Thy modesty can beg. MESSENGER. He's married, madam. CLEOPATRA. Rogue, thou hast liv'd too long. [Draws a dagger.] MESSENGER. Nay, then I'll run.-- What mean you, madam? I have made no fault. [Exit.] CHARMIAN. Good madam, keep yourself within yourself: The man is innocent. CLEOPATRA. Some innocents scape not the thunderbolt.-- Melt Egypt into Nile! and kindly creatures Turn all to serpents!--Call the slave again:-- Though I am mad, I will not bite him:--call! CHARMIAN. He is afear'd to come. CLEOPATRA. I will not hurt him. [Exit CHARMIAN.] These hands do lack nobility, that they strike A meaner than myself; since I myself Have given myself the cause. [Re-enter CHARMIAN and Messenger.] Come hither, sir. Though it be honest, it is never good To bring bad news: give to a gracious message An host of tongues; but let ill tidings tell Themselves when they be felt. MESSENGER. I have done my duty. CLEOPATRA. Is he married? I cannot hate thee worser than I do If thou again say 'Yes.' MESSENGER. He's married, madam. CLEOPATRA. The gods confound thee! dost thou hold there still! MESSENGER. Should I lie, madam? CLEOPATRA. O, I would thou didst, So half my Egypt were submerg'd, and made A cistern for scal'd snakes! Go, get thee hence: Hadst thou Narcissus in thy face, to me Thou wouldst appear most ugly. He is married? MESSENGER. I crave your highness' pardon. CLEOPATRA. He is married? MESSENGER. Take no offence that I would not offend you: To punish me for what you make me do Seems much unequal: he's married to Octavia. CLEOPATRA. O, that his fault should make a knave of thee That art not what tho'rt sure of!--Get thee hence: The merchandise which thou hast brought from Rome Are all too dear for me: lie they upon thy hand, And be undone by 'em! [Exit Messenger.] CHARMIAN. Good your highness, patience. CLEOPATRA. In praising Antony I have disprais'd Caesar. CHARMIAN. Many times, madam. CLEOPATRA. I am paid for't now. Lead me from hence; I faint:--O Iras, Charmian!--'tis no matter.-- Go to the fellow, good Alexas; bid him Report the feature of Octavia, her years, Her inclination; let him not leave out The colour of her hair:--bring me word quickly. [Exit ALEXAS.] Let him for ever go:--let him not, Charmian-- Though he be painted one way like a Gorgon, T'other way he's a Mars.--[To MARDIAN] Bid you Alexas Bring me word how tall she is.--Pity me, Charmian, But do not speak to me.--Lead me to my chamber. [Exeunt.] SCENE VI. Near Misenum. [Flourish. Enter POMPEY and MENAS at one side, with drum and trumpet; at the other, CAESAR, ANTONY, LEPIDUS, ENOBARBUS, MAECENAS, with Soldiers marching.] POMPEY. Your hostages I have, so have you mine; And we shall talk before we fight. CAESAR. Most meet That first we come to words; and therefore have we Our written purposes before us sent; Which, if thou hast consider'd, let us know If 'twill tie up thy discontented sword, And carry back to Sicily much tall youth That else must perish here. POMPEY. To you all three, The senators alone of this great world, Chief factors for the gods,--I do not know Wherefore my father should revengers want, Having a son and friends; since Julius Caesar, Who at Philippi the good Brutus ghosted, There saw you labouring for him. What was't That mov'd pale Cassius to conspire; and what Made the all-honour'd, honest Roman, Brutus, With the arm'd rest, courtiers of beauteous freedom, To drench the Capitol, but that they would Have one man but a man? And that is it Hath made me rig my navy; at whose burden The anger'd ocean foams; with which I meant To scourge the ingratitude that despiteful Rome Cast on my noble father. CAESAR. Take your time. ANTONY. Thou canst not fear us, Pompey, with thy sails; We'll speak with thee at sea: at land thou know'st How much we do o'er-count thee. POMPEY. At land, indeed, Thou dost o'er-count me of my father's house: But, since the cuckoo builds not for himself, Remain in't as thou mayst. LEPIDUS. Be pleas'd to tell us,-- For this is from the present,--how you take The offers we have sent you. CAESAR. There's the point. ANTONY. Which do not be entreated to, but weigh What it is worth embrac'd. CAESAR. And what may follow, To try a larger fortune. POMPEY. You have made me offer Of Sicily, Sardinia; and I must Rid all the sea of pirates; then to send Measures of wheat to Rome; this 'greed upon, To part with unhack'd edges and bear back Our targes undinted. CAESAR, ANTONY, and LEPIDUS. That's our offer. POMPEY. Know, then, I came before you here a man prepar'd To take this offer: but Mark Antony Put me to some impatience:--though I lose The praise of it by telling, you must know, When Caesar and your brother were at blows, Your mother came to Sicily, and did find Her welcome friendly. ANTONY. I have heard it, Pompey, And am well studied for a liberal thanks Which I do owe you. POMPEY. Let me have your hand: I did not think, sir, to have met you here. ANTONY. The beds i' the East are soft; and, thanks to you, That call'd me, timelier than my purpose, hither; For I have gained by it. CAESAR. Since I saw you last There is a change upon you. POMPEY. Well, I know not What counts harsh fortune casts upon my face; But in my bosom shall she never come To make my heart her vassal. LEPIDUS. Well met here. POMPEY. I hope so, Lepidus.--Thus we are agreed: I crave our composition may be written, And seal'd between us. CAESAR. That's the next to do. POMPEY. We'll feast each other ere we part; and let's Draw lots who shall begin. ANTONY. That will I, Pompey. POMPEY. No, Antony, take the lot: but, first Or last, your fine Egyptian cookery Shall have the fame. I have heard that Julius Caesar Grew fat with feasting there. ANTONY. You have heard much. POMPEY. I have fair meanings, sir. ANTONY. And fair words to them. POMPEY. Then so much have I heard; And I have heard Apollodorus carried,-- ENOBARBUS. No more of that:--he did so. POMPEY. What, I pray you? ENOBARBUS. A certain queen to Caesar in a mattress. POMPEY. I know thee now: how far'st thou, soldier? ENOBARBUS. Well; And well am like to do; for I perceive Four feasts are toward. POMPEY. Let me shake thy hand; I never hated thee: I have seen thee fight, When I have envied thy behaviour. ENOBARBUS. Sir, I never lov'd you much; but I ha' prais'd ye When you have well deserv'd ten times as much As I have said you did. POMPEY. Enjoy thy plainness; It nothing ill becomes thee.-- Aboard my galley I invite you all: Will you lead, lords? CAESAR, ANTONY, and LEPIDUS. Show's the way, sir. POMPEY. Come. [Exeunt all but ENOBARBUS and MENAS.] MENAS. [Aside.] Thy father, Pompey, would ne'er have made this treaty.-- You and I have known, sir. ENOBARBUS. At sea, I think. MENAS. We have, sir. ENOBARBUS. You have done well by water. MENAS. And you by land. ENOBARBUS. I will praise any man that will praise me; though it cannot be denied what I have done by land. MENAS. Nor what I have done by water. ENOBARBUS. Yes, something you can deny for your own safety: you have been a great thief by sea. MENAS. And you by land. ENOBARBUS. There I deny my land service. But give me your hand, Menas: if our eyes had authority, here they might take two thieves kissing. MENAS. All men's faces are true, whatsome'er their hands are. ENOBARBUS. But there is never a fair woman has a true face. MENAS. No slander; they steal hearts. ENOBARBUS. We came hither to fight with you. MENAS. For my part, I am sorry it is turn'd to a drinking. Pompey doth this day laugh away his fortune. ENOBARBUS. If he do, sure he cannot weep it back again. MENAS. You have said, sir. We look'd not for Mark Antony here: pray you, is he married to Cleopatra? ENOBARBUS. Caesar's sister is called Octavia. MENAS. True, sir; she was the wife of Caius Marcellus. ENOBARBUS. But she is now the wife of Marcus Antonius. MENAS. Pray you, sir? ENOBARBUS. 'Tis true. MENAS. Then is Caesar and he for ever knit together. ENOBARBUS. If I were bound to divine of this unity, I would not prophesy so. MENAS. I think the policy of that purpose made more in the marriage than the love of the parties. ENOBARBUS. I think so too. But you shall find the band that seems to tie their friendship together will be the very strangler of their amity: Octavia is of a holy, cold, and still conversation. MENAS. Who would not have his wife so? ENOBARBUS. Not he that himself is not so; which is Mark Antony. He will to his Egyptian dish again: then shall the sighs of Octavia blow the fire up in Caesar; and, as I said before, that which is the strength of their amity shall prove the immediate author of their variance. Antony will use his affection where it is: he married but his occasion here. MENAS. And thus it may be. Come, sir, will you aboard? I have a health for you. ENOBARBUS. I shall take it, sir: we have used our throats in Egypt. MENAS. Come, let's away. [Exeunt.] SCENE VII. On board POMPEY'S Galley, lying near Misenum. [Music. Enter two or three SERVANTS with a banquet.] FIRST SERVANT. Here they'll be, man. Some o' their plants are ill-rooted already; the least wind i' the world will blow them down. SECOND SERVANT. Lepidus is high-coloured. FIRST SERVANT. They have made him drink alms-drink. SECOND SERVANT. As they pinch one another by the disposition, he cries out 'no more'; reconciles them to his entreaty and himself to the drink. FIRST SERVANT. But it raises the greater war between him and his discretion. SECOND SERVANT. Why, this it is to have a name in great men's fellowship: I had as lief have a reed that will do me no service as a partizan I could not heave. FIRST SERVANT. To be called into a huge sphere, and not to be seen to move in't, are the holes where eyes should be, which pitifully disaster the cheeks. [A sennet sounded. Enter CAESAR, ANTONY, LEPIDUS, POMPEY, AGRIPPA, MAECENAS, ENOBARBUS, MENAS, with other Captains.] ANTONY. [To CAESAR.] Thus do they, sir: they take the flow o' the Nile By certain scales i' the pyramid; they know By the height, the lowness, or the mean, if dearth Or foison follow: the higher Nilus swells The more it promises; as it ebbs, the seedsman Upon the slime and ooze scatters his grain, And shortly comes to harvest. LEPIDUS. You've strange serpents there. ANTONY. Ay, Lepidus. LEPIDUS. Your serpent of Egypt is bred now of your mud by the operation of your sun: so is your crocodile. ANTONY. They are so. POMPEY. Sit --and some wine!--A health to Lepidus! LEPIDUS. I am not so well as I should be, but I'll ne'er out. ENOBARBUS. Not till you have slept; I fear me you'll be in till then. LEPIDUS. Nay, certainly, I have heard the Ptolemies' pyramises are very goodly things; without contradiction I have heard that. MENAS. [Aside to POMPEY.] Pompey, a word. POMPEY. [Aside to MENAS.] Say in mine ear: what is't? MENAS. [Aside to POMPEY.] Forsake thy seat, I do beseech thee, captain, And hear me speak a word. POMPEY. [Aside to MENAS.] Forbear me till ano.n-- This wine for Lepidus! LEPIDUS. What manner o' thing is your crocodile? ANTONY. It is shaped, sir, like itself; and it is as broad as it hath breadth: it is just so high as it is, and moves with it own organs: it lives by that which nourisheth it, and the elements once out of it, it transmigrates. LEPIDUS. What colour is it of? ANTONY. Of its own colour too. LEPIDUS. 'Tis a strange serpent. ANTONY. 'Tis so. And the tears of it are wet. CAESAR. Will this description satisfy him? ANTONY. With the health that Pompey gives him, else he is a very epicure. POMPEY. [Aside to MENAS.] Go, hang, sir, hang! Tell me of that! away! Do as I bid you.--Where's this cup I call'd for? MENAS. [Aside to POMPEY.] If for the sake of merit thou wilt hear me, Rise from thy stool. POMPEY. [Aside to MENAS.] I think thou'rt mad. [Rises and walks aside.] The matter? MENAS. I have ever held my cap off to thy fortunes. POMPEY. Thou hast serv'd me with much faith. What's else to say?-- Be jolly, lords. ANTONY. These quicksands, Lepidus, Keep off them, for you sink. MENAS. Wilt thou be lord of all the world? POMPEY. What say'st thou? MENAS. Wilt thou be lord of the whole world? That's twice. POMPEY. How should that be? MENAS. But entertain it, And though you think me poor, I am the man Will give thee all the world. POMPEY. Hast thou drunk well? MENAS. No, Pompey, I have kept me from the cup. Thou art, if thou dar'st be, the earthly Jove: Whate'er the ocean pales or sky inclips Is thine, if thou wilt have't. POMPEY. Show me which way. MENAS. These three world-sharers, these competitors, Are in thy vessel: let me cut the cable; And when we are put off, fall to their throats: All then is thine. POMPEY. Ah, this thou shouldst have done, And not have spoke on't! In me 'tis villainy: In thee't had been good service. Thou must know 'Tis not my profit that does lead mine honour: Mine honour it. Repent that e'er thy tongue Hath so betray'd thine act: being done unknown, I should have found it afterwards well done; But must condemn it now. Desist, and drink. MENAS. [Aside.] For this, I'll never follow thy pall'd fortunes more. Who seeks, and will not take when once 'tis offer'd, Shall never find it more. POMPEY. This health to Lepidus! ANTONY. Bear him ashore. I'll pledge it for him, Pompey. ENOBARBUS. Here's to thee, Menas! MENAS. Enobarbus, welcome! POMPEY. Fill till the cup be hid. ENOBARBUS. There's a strong fellow, Menas. [Pointing to the servant who carries off LEPIDUS.] MENAS. Why? ENOBARBUS. 'A bears the third part of the world, man; see'st not? MENAS. The third part, then, is drunk; would it were all, That it might go on wheels! ENOBARBUS. Drink thou; increase the reels. MENAS. Come. POMPEY. This is not yet an Alexandrian feast. ANTONY. It ripens towards it.--Strike the vessels, ho!-- Here is to Caesar! CAESAR. I could well forbear't. It's monstrous labour when I wash my brain And it grows fouler. ANTONY. Be a child o' the time. CAESAR. Possess it, I'll make answer: But I had rather fast from all four days Than drink so much in one. ENOBARBUS. [To ANTONY.] Ha, my brave emperor! Shall we dance now the Egyptian Bacchanals And celebrate our drink? POMPEY. Let's ha't, good soldier. ANTONY. Come, let's all take hands, Till that the conquering wine hath steep'd our sense In soft and delicate Lethe. ENOBARBUS. All take hands.-- Make battery to our ears with the loud music:-- The while I'll place you: then the boy shall sing; The holding every man shall bear as loud As his strong sides can volley. [Music plays. ENOBARBUS places them hand in hand.] SONG. Come, thou monarch of the vine, Plumpy Bacchus with pink eyne! In thy fats our cares be drown'd, With thy grapes our hairs be crown'd: Cup us, till the world go round, Cup us, till the world go round! CAESAR. What would you more?--Pompey, good night. Good brother, Let me request you off: our graver business Frowns at this levity.--Gentle lords, let's part; You see we have burnt our cheeks: strong Enobarb Is weaker than the wine; and mine own tongue Splits what it speaks: the wild disguise hath almost Antick'd us all. What needs more words. Good night.-- Good Antony, your hand. POMPEY. I'll try you on the shore. ANTONY. And shall, sir: give's your hand. POMPEY. O Antony, You have my father's house,--but, what? we are friends. Come, down into the boat. ENOBARBUS. Take heed you fall not. [Exeunt POMPEY, CAESAR, ANTONY, and Attendants.] Menas, I'll not on shore. MENAS. No, to my cabin.-- These drums!--these trumpets, flutes! what!-- Let Neptune hear we bid a loud farewell To these great fellows: sound and be hang'd, sound out! [A flourish of trumpets, with drums.] ENOBARBUS. Hoo! says 'a.--There's my cap. MENAS. Hoo!--noble captain, come. [Exeunt.] ACT III. SCENE I. A plain in Syria. [Enter VENTIDIUS, in triumph, with SILIUS and other Romans, Officers and Soldiers; the dead body of PACORUS borne in front.] VENTIDIUS. Now, darting Parthia, art thou struck; and now Pleas'd fortune does of Marcus Crassus' death Make me revenger.--Bear the king's son's body Before our army.--Thy Pacorus, Orodes, Pays this for Marcus Crassus. SILIUS. Noble Ventidius, Whilst yet with Parthian blood thy sword is warm The fugitive Parthians follow; spur through Media, Mesopotamia, and the shelters whither The routed fly: so thy grand captain Antony Shall set thee on triumphant chariots, and Put garlands on thy head. VENTIDIUS. O Silius, Silius, I have done enough: a lower place, note well, May make too great an act; for learn this, Silius,-- Better to leave undone, than by our deed Acquire too high a fame when him we serve's away. Caesar and Antony have ever won More in their officer, than person: Sossius, One of my place in Syria, his lieutenant, For quick accumulation of renown, Which he achiev'd by the minute, lost his favour. Who does i' the wars more than his captain can Becomes his captain's captain; and ambition, The soldier's virtue, rather makes choice of loss Than gain which darkens him. I could do more to do Antonius good, But 'twould offend him; and in his offence Should my performance perish. SILIUS. Thou hast, Ventidius, that Without the which a soldier and his sword Grants scarce distinction. Thou wilt write to Antony? VENTIDIUS. I'll humbly signify what in his name, That magical word of war, we have effected; How, with his banners, and his well-paid ranks, The ne'er-yet-beaten horse of Parthia We have jaded out o' the field. SILIUS. Where is he now? VENTIDIUS. He purposeth to Athens: whither, with what haste The weight we must convey with's will permit, We shall appear before him.--On, there; pass along! [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Rome. An Ante-chamber in CAESAR'S house. [Enter AGRIPPA and ENOBARBUS, meeting.] AGRIPPA. What, are the brothers parted? ENOBARBUS. They have despatch'd with Pompey; he is gone; The other three are sealing. Octavia weeps To part from Rome: Caesar is sad; and Lepidus, Since Pompey's feast, as Menas says, is troubled With the green sickness. AGRIPPA. 'Tis a noble Lepidus. ENOBARBUS. A very fine one: O, how he loves Caesar! AGRIPPA. Nay, but how dearly he adores Mark Antony! ENOBARBUS. Caesar? Why he's the Jupiter of men. AGRIPPA. What's Antony? The god of Jupiter. ENOBARBUS. Spake you of Caesar? How! the nonpareil! AGRIPPA. O, Antony! O thou Arabian bird! ENOBARBUS. Would you praise Caesar, say 'Caesar'--go no further. AGRIPPA. Indeed, he plied them both with excellent praises. ENOBARBUS. But he loves Caesar best;--yet he loves Antony: Hoo! hearts, tongues, figures, scribes, bards, poets, cannot Think, speak, cast, write, sing, number--hoo!-- His love to Antony. But as for Caesar, Kneel down, kneel down, and wonder. AGRIPPA. Both he loves. ENOBARBUS. They are his shards, and he their beetle. [Trumpets within.] So,-- This is to horse.--Adieu, noble Agrippa. AGRIPPA. Good fortune, worthy soldier; and farewell. [Enter CAESAR, ANTONY, LEPIDUS, and OCTAVIA.] ANTONY. No further, sir. CAESAR. You take from me a great part of myself; Use me well in't.--Sister, prove such a wife As my thoughts make thee, and as my furthest band Shall pass on thy approof.--Most noble Antony, Let not the piece of virtue which is set Betwixt us as the cement of our love, To keep it builded, be the ram to batter The fortress of it; for better might we Have lov'd without this mean if on both parts This be not cherish'd. ANTONY. Make me not offended In your distrust. CAESAR. I have said. ANTONY. You shall not find, Though you be therein curious, the least cause For what you seem to fear: so, the gods keep you, And make the hearts of Romans serve your ends! We will here part. CAESAR. Farewell, my dearest sister, fare thee well: The elements be kind to thee, and make Thy spirits all of comfort! Fare thee well. OCTAVIA. My noble brother!-- ANTONY. The April's in her eyes: it is love's spring, And these the showers to bring it on.--Be cheerful. OCTAVIA. Sir, look well to my husband's house; and-- CAESAR. What, Octavia? OCTAVIA. I'll tell you in your ear. ANTONY. Her tongue will not obey her heart, nor can Her heart inform her tongue,--the swan's down feather, That stands upon the swell at the full of tide, And neither way inclines. ENOBARBUS. [Aside to AGRIPPA.] Will Caesar weep? AGRIPPA. [Aside to ENOBARBUS.] He has a cloud in's face. ENOBARBUS. [Aside to AGRIPPA.] He were the worse for that, were he a horse; So is he, being a man. AGRIPPA. [Aside to ENOBARBUS.] Why, Enobarbus, When Antony found Julius Caesar dead, He cried almost to roaring; and he wept When at Philippi he found Brutus slain. ENOBARBUS. [Aside to AGRIPPA.] That year, indeed, he was troubled with a rheum; What willingly he did confound he wail'd: Believe't till I weep too. CAESAR. No, sweet Octavia, You shall hear from me still; the time shall not Out-go my thinking on you. ANTONY. Come, sir, come; I'll wrestle with you in my strength of love: Look, here I have you; thus I let you go, And give you to the gods. CAESAR. Adieu; be happy! LEPIDUS. Let all the number of the stars give light To thy fair way! CAESAR. Farewell, farewell! [Kisses OCTAVIA.] ANTONY. Farewell! [Trumpets sound within. Exeunt.] SCENE III. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, IRAS, and ALEXAS.] CLEOPATRA. Where is the fellow? ALEXAS. Half afear'd to come. CLEOPATRA. Go to, go to. [Enter a Messenger.] Come hither, sir. ALEXAS. Good majesty, Herod of Jewry dare not look upon you But when you are well pleas'd. CLEOPATRA. That Herod's head I'll have: but how? when Antony is gone, Through whom I might command it?--Come thou near. MESSENGER. Most gracious majesty,-- CLEOPATRA. Didst thou behold Octavia? MESSENGER. Ay, dread queen. CLEOPATRA. Where? MESSENGER. Madam, in Rome I look'd her in the face, and saw her led Between her brother and Mark Antony. CLEOPATRA. Is she as tall as me? MESSENGER. She is not, madam. CLEOPATRA. Didst hear her speak? is she shrill-tongu'd or low? MESSENGER. Madam, I heard her speak: she is low-voic'd. CLEOPATRA. That's not so good:--he cannot like her long. CHARMIAN. Like her! O Isis! 'tis impossible. CLEOPATRA. I think so, Charmian: dull of tongue and dwarfish!-- What majesty is in her gait? Remember, If e'er thou look'dst on majesty. MESSENGER. She creeps,-- Her motion and her station are as one; She shows a body rather than a life, A statue than a breather. CLEOPATRA. Is this certain? MESSENGER. Or I have no observance. CHARMIAN. Three in Egypt Cannot make better note. CLEOPATRA. He's very knowing; I do perceive't:--there's nothing in her yet:-- The fellow has good judgment. CHARMIAN. Excellent. CLEOPATRA. Guess at her years, I pr'ythee. MESSENGER. Madam, She was a widow. CLEOPATRA. Widow!--Charmian, hark! MESSENGER. And I do think she's thirty. CLEOPATRA. Bear'st thou her face in mind? is't long or round? MESSENGER. Round even to faultiness. CLEOPATRA. For the most part, too, they are foolish that are so.-- Her hair, what colour? MESSENGER. Brown, madam: and her forehead As low as she would wish it. CLEOPATRA. There's gold for thee. Thou must not take my former sharpness ill:-- I will employ thee back again; I find thee Most fit for business:--go make thee ready; Our letters are prepar'd. [Exit Messenger.] CHARMIAN. A proper man. CLEOPATRA. Indeed, he is so: I repent me much That so I harried him. Why, methinks, by him, This creature's no such thing. CHARMIAN. Nothing, madam. CLEOPATRA. The man hath seen some majesty, and should know. CHARMIAN. Hath he seen majesty? Isis else defend, And serving you so long! CLEOPATRA. I have one thing more to ask him yet, good Charmian: But 'tis no matter; thou shalt bring him to me Where I will write. All may be well enough. CHARMIAN. I warrant you, madam. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Athens. A Room in ANTONY'S House. [Enter ANTONY and OCTAVIA.] ANTONY. Nay, nay, Octavia, not only that,-- That were excusable, that and thousands more Of semblable import--but he hath wag'd New wars 'gainst Pompey; made his will, and read it To public ear: Spoke scandy of me: when perforce he could not But pay me terms of honour, cold and sickly He vented them:most narrow measure lent me; When the best hint was given him, he not took't, Or did it from his teeth. OCTAVIA. O my good lord, Believe not all; or if you must believe, Stomach not all. A more unhappy lady, If this division chance, ne'er stood between, Praying for both parts: Sure the good gods will mock me presently When I shall pray 'O, bless my lord and husband!' Undo that prayer by crying out as loud 'O, bless my brother!' Husband win, win brother, Prays and destroys the prayer; no mid-way 'Twixt these extremes at all. ANTONY. Gentle Octavia, Let your best love draw to that point which seeks Best to preserve it: if I lose mine honour, I lose myself: better I were not yours Than yours so branchless. But, as you requested, Yourself shall go between's: the meantime, lady, I'll raise the preparation of a war Shall stain your brother: make your soonest haste; So your desires are yours. OCTAVIA. Thanks to my lord. The Jove of power make me, most weak, most weak, Your reconciler! Wars 'twixt you twain would be As if the world should cleave, and that slain men Should solder up the rift. ANTONY. When it appears to you where this begins, Turn your displeasure that way; for our faults Can never be so equal that your love Can equally move with them. Provide your going; Choose your own company, and command what cost Your heart has mind to. [Exeunt.] SCENE V. Athens. Another Room in ANTONY'S House. [Enter ENOBARBUS and EROS, meeting.] ENOBARBUS. How now, friend Eros! EROS. There's strange news come, sir. ENOBARBUS. What, man? EROS. Caesar and Lepidus have made wars upon Pompey. ENOBARBUS. This is old: what is the success? EROS. Caesar, having made use of him in the wars 'gainst Pompey, presently denied him rivality; would not let him partake in the glory of the action: and not resting here, accuses him of letters he had formerly wrote to Pompey; upon his own appeal, seizes him: so the poor third is up, till death enlarge his confine. ENOBARBUS. Then, world, thou hast a pair of chaps, no more; And throw between them all the food thou hast, They'll grind the one the other. Where's Antony? EROS. He's walking in the garden--thus; and spurns The rush that lies before him; cries 'Fool Lepidus!' And threats the throat of that his officer That murder'd Pompey. ENOBARBUS. Our great navy's rigg'd. EROS. For Italy and Caesar. More, Domitius; My lord desires you presently: my news I might have told hereafter. ENOBARBUS. 'Twill be naught; But let it be.--Bring me to Antony. EROS. Come, sir. [Exeunt.] SCENE VI. Rome. A Room in CAESAR'S House. [Enter CAESAR, AGRIPPA, and MAECENAS.] CAESAR. Contemning Rome, he has done all this, and more, In Alexandria. Here's the manner of't:-- I' the market-place, on a tribunal silver'd, Cleopatra and himself in chairs of gold Were publicly enthron'd: at the feet sat Caesarion, whom they call my father's son, And all the unlawful issue that their lust Since then hath made between them. Unto her He gave the 'stablishment of Egypt; made her Of lower Syria, Cyprus, Lydia, Absolute queen. MAECENAS. This in the public eye? CAESAR. I' the common show-place, where they exercise. His sons he there proclaim'd the kings of kings: Great Media, Parthia, and Armenia, He gave to Alexander; to Ptolemy he assign'd Syria, Cilicia, and Phoenicia: she In the habiliments of the goddess Isis That day appear'd; and oft before gave audience, As 'tis reported, so. MAECENAS. Let Rome be thus Inform'd. AGRIPPA. Who, queasy with his insolence Already, will their good thoughts call from him. CAESAR. The people knows it: and have now receiv'd His accusations. AGRIPPA. Who does he accuse? CAESAR. Caesar: and that, having in Sicily Sextus Pompeius spoil'd, we had not rated him His part o' the isle: then does he say he lent me Some shipping, unrestor'd: lastly, he frets That Lepidus of the triumvirate Should be depos'd; and, being, that we detain All his revenue. AGRIPPA. Sir, this should be answer'd. CAESAR. 'Tis done already, and messenger gone. I have told him Lepidus was grown too cruel; That he his high authority abus'd, And did deserve his change: for what I have conquer'd I grant him part; but then, in his Armenia And other of his conquer'd kingdoms, I Demand the like. MAECENAS. He'll never yield to that. CAESAR. Nor must not then be yielded to in this. [Enter OCTAVIA, with her train.] OCTAVIA. Hail, Caesar, and my lord! hail, most dear Caesar! CAESAR. That ever I should call thee castaway! OCTAVIA. You have not call'd me so, nor have you cause. CAESAR. Why have you stol'n upon us thus? You come not Like Caesar's sister: the wife of Antony Should have an army for an usher, and The neighs of horse to tell of her approach Long ere she did appear; the trees by the way Should have borne men; and expectation fainted, Longing for what it had not; nay, the dust Should have ascended to the roof of heaven, Rais'd by your populous troops: but you are come A market-maid to Rome; and have prevented The ostentation of our love, which left unshown Is often left unlov'd; we should have met you By sea and land; supplying every stage With an augmented greeting. OCTAVIA. Good my lord, To come thus was I not constrain'd, but did it On my free will. My lord, Mark Antony, Hearing that you prepar'd for war, acquainted My grieved ear withal: whereon I begg'd His pardon for return. CAESAR. Which soon he granted, Being an obstruct 'tween his lust and him. OCTAVIA. Do not say so, my lord. CAESAR. I have eyes upon him, And his affairs come to me on the wind. Where is he now? OCTAVIA. My lord, in Athens. CAESAR. No, my most wronged sister; Cleopatra Hath nodded him to her. He hath given his empire Up to a whore; who now are levying The kings o' theearth for war: he hath assembled Bocchus, the king of Libya; Archelaus Of Cappadocia; Philadelphos, king Of Paphlagonia; the Thracian king, Adallas; King Manchus of Arabia; King of Pont; Herod of Jewry; Mithridates, king Of Comagene; Polemon and Amyntas, The kings of Mede and Lycaonia, with More larger list of sceptres. OCTAVIA. Ay me, most wretched, That have my heart parted betwixt two friends, That do afflict each other! CAESAR. Welcome hither: Your letters did withhold our breaking forth, Till we perceiv'd both how you were wrong led And we in negligent danger. Cheer your heart: Be you not troubled with the time, which drives O'er your content these strong necessities; But let determin'd things to destiny Hold unbewail'd their way. Welcome to Rome; Nothing more dear to me. You are abus'd Beyond the mark of thought: and the high gods, To do you justice, make their ministers Of us and those that love you. Best of comfort; And ever welcome to us. AGRIPPA. Welcome, lady. MAECENAS. Welcome, dear madam. Each heart in Rome does love and pity you: Only theadulterous Antony, most large In his abominations, turns you off, And gives his potent regiment to a trull That noises it against us. OCTAVIA. Is it so, sir? CAESAR. Most certain. Sister, welcome: pray you Be ever known to patience: my dear'st sister! [Exeunt.] SCENE VII. ANTONY'S Camp near the Promontory of Actium. [Enter CLEOPATRA and ENOBARBUS.] CLEOPATRA. I will be even with thee, doubt it not. ENOBARBUS. But why, why, why? CLEOPATRA. Thou hast forspoke my being in these wars, And say'st it is not fit. ENOBARBUS. Well, is it, is it? CLEOPATRA. If not denounc'd against us, why should not we Be there in person? ENOBARBUS. [Aside.] Well, I could reply:-- If we should serve with horse and mares together The horse were merely lost; the mares would bear A soldier and his horse. CLEOPATRA. What is't you say? ENOBARBUS. Your presence needs must puzzle Antony; Take from his heart, take from his brain, from's time, What should not then be spar'd. He is already Traduc'd for levity: and 'tis said in Rome That Photinus an eunuch and your maids Manage this war. CLEOPATRA. Sink Rome, and their tongues rot That speak against us! A charge we bear i' the war, And, as the president of my kingdom, will Appear there for a man. Speak not against it; I will not stay behind. ENOBARBUS. Nay, I have done. Here comes the emperor. [Enter ANTONY and CANIDIUS.] ANTONY. Is it not strange, Canidius, That from Tarentum and Brundusium He could so quickly cut the Ionian sea, And take in Toryne?--You have heard on't, sweet? CLEOPATRA. Celerity is never more admir'd Than by the negligent. ANTONY. A good rebuke, Which might have well becom'd the best of men To taunt at slackness.--Canidius, we Will fight with him by sea. CLEOPATRA. By sea! what else? CANIDIUS. Why will my lord do so? ANTONY. For that he dares us to't. ENOBARBUS. So hath my lord dar'd him to single fight. CANIDIUS. Ay, and to wage this battle at Pharsalia, Where Caesar fought with Pompey. But these offers, Which serve not for his vantage, he shakes off; And so should you. ENOBARBUS. Your ships are not well mann'd: Your mariners are muleteers, reapers, people Ingross'd by swift impress; in Caesar's fleet Are those that often have 'gainst Pompey fought: Their ships are yare; yours heavy: no disgrace Shall fall you for refusing him at sea, Being prepar'd for land. ANTONY. By sea, by sea. ENOBARBUS. Most worthy sir, you therein throw away The absolute soldiership you have by land; Distract your army, which doth most consist Of war-mark'd footmen; leave unexecuted Your own renowned knowledge; quite forgo The way which promises assurance; and Give up yourself merely to chance and hazard From firm security. ANTONY. I'll fight at sea. CLEOPATRA. I have sixty sails, Caesar none better. ANTONY. Our overplus of shipping will we burn; And, with the rest full-mann'd, from the head of Actium Beat the approaching Caesar. But if we fail, We then can do't at land. [Enter a Messenger.] Thy business? MESSENGER. The news is true, my lord: he is descried; Caesar has taken Toryne. ANTONY. Can he be there in person? 'tis impossible-- Strange that his power should be.--Canidius, Our nineteen legions thou shalt hold by land, And our twelve thousand horse.--We'll to our ship: Away, my Thetis! [Enter a SOLDIER.] How now, worthy soldier? SOLDIER. O noble emperor, do not fight by sea; Trust not to rotten planks: do you misdoubt This sword and these my wounds? Let the Egyptians And the Phoenicians go a-ducking: we Have us'd to conquer standing on the earth And fighting foot to foot. ANTONY. Well, well:--away. [Exeunt ANTONY, CLEOPATRA, and ENOBARBUS.] SOLDIER. By Hercules, I think I am i' the right. CANIDIUS. Soldier, thou art: but his whole action grows Not in the power on't: so our leader's led, And we are women's men. SOLDIER. You keep by land The legions and the horse whole, do you not? CANIDIUS. Marcus Octavius, Marcus Justeius, Publicola, and Caelius are for sea: But we keep whole by land. This speed of Caesar's Carries beyond belief. SOLDIER. While he was yet in Rome His power went out in such distractions as Beguil'd all spies. CANIDIUS. Who's his lieutenant, hear you? SOLDIER. They say one Taurus. CANIDIUS. Well I know the man. [Enter a Messenger.] MESSENGER. The Emperor calls Canidius. CANIDIUS. With news the time's with labour; and throes forth Each minute some. [Exeunt.] SCENE VIII. A plain near Actium. [Enter CAESAR, TAURUS, Officers, and others.] CAESAR. Taurus,-- TAURUS. My lord? CAESAR. Strike not by land; keep whole; provoke not battle Till we have done at sea. Do not exceed The prescript of this scroll: our fortune lies Upon this jump. [Exeunt.] SCENE IX. Another part of the Plain. [Enter ANTONY and ENOBARBUS.] ANTONY. Set we our squadrons on yon side o' the hill, In eye of Caesar's battle; from which place We may the number of the ships behold, And so proceed accordingly. [Exeunt.] SCENE X. Another part of the Plain. [Enter CANIDIUS, marching with his land Army one way; and TAURUS, the Lieutenant of CAESAR, with his Army, the other way. After their going in, is heard the noise of a sea-fight.] [Alarum. Enter ENOBARBUS.] ENOBARBUS. Naught, naught, all naught! I can behold no longer: The Antoniad, the Egyptian admiral, With all their sixty, fly and turn the rudder: To see't mine eyes are blasted. [Enter SCARUS.] SCARUS. Gods and goddesses, All the whole synod of them! ENOBARBUS. What's thy passion? SCARUS. The greater cantle of the world is lost With very ignorance; we have kiss'd away Kingdoms and provinces. ENOBARBUS. How appears the fight? SCARUS. On our side like the token'd pestilence, Where death is sure. Yon ribaudred nag of Egypt,-- Whom leprosy o'ertake!--i' the midst o' the fight, When vantage like a pair of twins appear'd, Both as the same, or rather ours the elder,-- The breese upon her, like a cow in June,-- Hoists sails and flies. ENOBARBUS. That I beheld: Mine eyes did sicken at the sight, and could not Endure a further view. SCARUS. She once being loof'd, The noble ruin of her magic, Antony, Claps on his sea-wing, and, like a doting mallard, Leaving the fight in height, flies after her: I never saw an action of such shame; Experience, manhood, honour, ne'er before Did violate so itself. ENOBARBUS. Alack, alack! [Enter CANIDIUS.] CANIDIUS. Our fortune on the sea is out of breath, And sinks most lamentably. Had our general Been what he knew himself, it had gone well: O, he has given example for our flight Most grossly by his own! ENOBARBUS. Ay, are you thereabouts? Why, then, good night indeed. CANIDIUS. Toward Peloponnesus are they fled. SCARUS. 'Tis easy to't; and there I will attend What further comes. CANIDIUS. To Caesar will I render My legions and my horse; six kings already Show me the way of yielding. ENOBARBUS. I'll yet follow The wounded chance of Antony, though my reason Sits in the wind against me. [Exeunt.] SCENE XI. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter ANTONY and attendants.] ANTONY. Hark! the land bids me tread no more upon't;-- It is asham'd to bear me.--Friends, come hither: I am so lated in the world that I Have lost my way for ever:--I have a ship Laden with gold; take that; divide it; fly, And make your peace with Caesar. ALL. Fly! Not we. ANTONY. I have fled myself, and have instructed cowards To run and show their shoulders.--Friends, be gone; I have myself resolv'd upon a course Which has no need of you; be gone; My treasure's in the harbour, take it.--O, I follow'd that I blush to look upon: My very hairs do mutiny; for the white Reprove the brown for rashness, and they them For fear and doting.--Friends, be gone: you shall Have letters from me to some friends that will Sweep your way for you. Pray you, look not sad, Nor make replies of loathness: take the hint Which my despair proclaims; let that be left Which leaves itself: to the sea-side straightway: I will possess you of that ship and treasure. Leave me, I pray, a little: pray you now:-- Nay, do so; for indeed I have lost command, Therefore I pray you:--I'll see you by and by. [Sits down.] [Enter CLEOPATRA, led by CHARMIAN and IRAS, EROS following.] EROS. Nay, gentle madam, to him!--comfort him. IRAS. Do, most dear queen. CHARMIAN. Do! why, what else? CLEOPATRA. Let me sit down. O Juno! ANTONY. No, no, no, no, no. EROS. See you here, sir? ANTONY. O, fie, fie, fie! CHARMIAN. Madam,-- IRAS. Madam, O good empress,-- EROS. Sir, sir,-- ANTONY. Yes, my lord, yes;--he at Philippi kept His sword e'en like a dancer; while I struck The lean and wrinkled Cassius; and 'twas I That the mad Brutus ended; he alone Dealt on lieutenantry, and no practice had In the brave squares of war: yet now--no matter. CLEOPATRA. Ah, stand by. EROS. The queen, my lord, the queen! IRAS. Go to him, madam, speak to him: He is unqualitied with very shame. CLEOPATRA. Well then,--sustain me.--O! EROS. Most noble sir, arise; the queen approaches: Her head's declin'd, and death will seize her, but Your comfort makes the rescue. ANTONY. I have offended reputation,-- A most unnoble swerving. EROS. Sir, the queen. ANTONY. O, whither hast thou led me, Egypt? See How I convey my shame out of thine eyes By looking back, what I have left behind 'Stroy'd in dishonour. CLEOPATRA. O my lord, my lord, Forgive my fearful sails! I little thought You would have follow'd. ANTONY. Egypt, thou knew'st too well My heart was to thy rudder tied by the strings, And thou shouldst tow me after: o'er my spirit Thy full supremacy thou knew'st, and that Thy beck might from the bidding of the gods Command me. CLEOPATRA. O, my pardon! ANTONY. Now I must To the young man send humble treaties, dodge And palter in the shifts of lowness; who With half the bulk o' the world play'd as I pleas'd, Making and marring fortunes. You did know How much you were my conqueror; and that My sword, made weak by my affection, would Obey it on all cause. CLEOPATRA. Pardon, pardon! ANTONY. Fall not a tear, I say; one of them rates All that is won and lost: give me a kiss; Even this repays me.--We sent our schoolmaster; Is he come back?--Love, I am full of lead.-- Some wine, within there, and our viands!--Fortune knows We scorn her most when most she offers blows. [Exeunt.] SCENE XII. CAESAR'S camp in Egypt. [Enter CAESAR, DOLABELLA, THYREUS, with others.] CAESAR. Let him appear that's come from Antony.-- Know you him? DOLABELLA. Caesar, 'tis his schoolmaster: An argument that he is pluck'd, when hither He sends so poor a pinion of his wing, Which had superfluous kings for messengers Not many moons gone by. [Enter EUPHRONIUS.] CAESAR. Approach, and speak. EUPHRONIUS. Such as I am, I come from Antony: I was of late as petty to his ends As is the morn-dew on the myrtle leaf To his grand sea. CAESAR. Be't so: declare thine office. EUPHRONIUS. Lord of his fortunes he salutes thee, and Requires to live in Egypt: which not granted, He lessens his requests; and to thee sues To let him breathe between the heavens and earth, A private man in Athens: this for him. Next, Cleopatra does confess thy greatness; Submits her to thy might, and of thee craves The circle of the Ptolemies for her heirs, Now hazarded to thy grace. CAESAR. For Antony, I have no ears to his request. The queen Of audience nor desire shall fail; so she From Egypt drive her all-disgraced friend, Or take his life there: this if she perform, She shall not sue unheard. So to them both. EUPHRONIUS. Fortune pursue thee! CAESAR. Bring him through the bands. [Exit EUPHRONIUS.] [To THYREUS.] To try thy eloquence, now 'tis time. Despatch; From Antony win Cleopatra. Promise, And in our name, what she requires; add more, From thine invention, offers: women are not In their best fortunes strong; but want will perjure The ne'er-touch'd vestal: try thy cunning, Thyreus; Make thine own edict for thy pains, which we Will answer as a law. THYREUS. Caesar, I go. CAESAR. Observe how Antony becomes his flaw, And what thou think'st his very action speaks In every power that moves. THYREUS. Caesar, I shall. [Exeunt.] SCENE XIII. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter CLEOPATRA, ENOBARBUS, CHARMIAN, and IRAS.] CLEOPATRA. What shall we do, Enobarbus? ENOBARBUS. Think, and die. CLEOPATRA. Is Antony or we in fault for this? ENOBARBUS. Antony only, that would make his will Lord of his reason. What though you fled From that great face of war, whose several ranges Frighted each other? why should he follow? The itch of his affection should not then Have nick'd his captainship; at such a point, When half to half the world oppos'd, he being The mered question; 'twas a shame no less Than was his loss, to course your flying flags And leave his navy gazing. CLEOPATRA. Pr'ythee, peace. [Enter ANTONY, with EUPHRONIUS.] ANTONY. Is that his answer? EUPHRONIUS. Ay, my lord. ANTONY. The queen shall then have courtesy, so she Will yield us up. EUPHRONIUS. He says so. ANTONY. Let her know't.-- To the boy Caesar send this grizzled head, And he will fill thy wishes to the brim With principalities. CLEOPATRA. That head, my lord? ANTONY. To him again: tell him he wears the rose Of youth upon him; from which the world should note Something particular: his coins, ships, legions, May be a coward's; whose ministers would prevail Under the service of a child as soon As i' the command of Caesar: I dare him therefore To lay his gay comparisons apart, And answer me declin'd, sword against sword, Ourselves alone. I'll write it: follow me. [Exeunt ANTONY and EUPHRONIUS.] EUPHRONIUS. Yes, like enough high-battled Caesar will Unstate his happiness, and be stag'd to the show Against a sworder.--I see men's judgments are A parcel of their fortunes; and things outward Do draw the inward quality after them, To suffer all alike. That he should dream, Knowing all measures, the full Caesar will Answer his emptiness!--Caesar, thou hast subdu'd His judgment too. [Enter an Attendant.] ATTENDANT. A messenger from Caesar. CLEOPATRA. What, no more ceremony?--See, my women!-- Against the blown rose may they stop their nose That kneel'd unto the buds.--Admit him, sir. [Exit Attendant.] ENOBARBUS. [Aside.] Mine honesty and I begin to square. The loyalty well held to fools does make Our faith mere folly:--yet he that can endure To follow with allegiance a fallen lord Does conquer him that did his master conquer, And earns a place i' the story. [Enter THYREUS.] CLEOPATRA. Caesar's will? THYREUS. Hear it apart. CLEOPATRA. None but friends: say boldly. THYREUS. So, haply, are they friends to Antony. ENOBARBUS. He needs as many, sir, as Caesar has; Or needs not us. If Caesar please, our master Will leap to be his friend: for us, you know Whose he is we are, and that is Caesar's. THYREUS. So.-- Thus then, thou most renown'd: Caesar entreats Not to consider in what case thou stand'st Further than he is Caesar. CLEOPATRA. Go on: right royal. THYREUS. He knows that you embrace not Antony As you did love, but as you fear'd him. CLEOPATRA. O! THYREUS. The scars upon your honour, therefore, he Does pity, as constrained blemishes, Not as deserv'd. CLEOPATRA. He is a god, and knows What is most right: mine honour was not yielded, But conquer'd merely. ENOBARBUS. [Aside.] To be sure of that, I will ask Antony.--Sir, sir, thou art so leaky That we must leave thee to thy sinking, for Thy dearest quit thee. [Exit.] THYREUS. Shall I say to Caesar What you require of him? for he partly begs To be desir'd to give. It much would please him That of his fortunes you should make a staff To lean upon: but it would warm his spirits To hear from me you had left Antony, And put yourself under his shroud, who is The universal landlord. CLEOPATRA. What's your name? THYREUS. My name is Thyreus. CLEOPATRA. Most kind messenger, Say to great Caesar this:--in deputation I kiss his conquring hand: tell him I am prompt To lay my crown at's feet, and there to kneel: Tell him, from his all-obeying breath I hear The doom of Egypt. THYREUS. 'Tis your noblest course. Wisdom and fortune combating together, If that the former dare but what it can, No chance may shake it. Give me grace to lay My duty on your hand. CLEOPATRA. Your Caesar's father Oft, when he hath mus'd of taking kingdoms in, Bestow'd his lips on that unworthy place, As it rain'd kisses. [Re-enter ANTONY and ENOBARBUS.] ANTONY. Favours, by Jove that thunders!-- What art thou, fellow? THYREUS. One that but performs The bidding of the fullest man, and worthiest To have command obey'd. ENOBARBUS. [Aside.] You will be whipp'd. ANTONY. Approach there.--Ah, you kite!--Now, gods and devils! Authority melts from me: of late, when I cried 'Ho!' Like boys unto a muss, kings would start forth And cry 'Your will?' Have you no ears? I am Antony yet. [Enter Attendants.] Take hence this Jack and whip him. ENOBARBUS. 'Tis better playing with a lion's whelp Than with an old one dying. ANTONY. Moon and stars! Whip him.--Were't twenty of the greatest tributaries That do acknowledge Caesar, should I find them So saucy with the hand of she here,--what's her name Since she was Cleopatra?--Whip him, fellows, Till like a boy you see him cringe his face, And whine aloud for mercy: take him hence. THYMUS. Mark Antony,-- ANTONY. Tug him away: being whipp'd, Bring him again.--This Jack of Caesar's shall Bear us an errand to him.-- [Exeunt Attendants with THYREUS.] You were half blasted ere I knew you.--Ha! Have I my pillow left unpress'd in Rome, Forborne the getting of a lawful race, And by a gem of women, to be abus'd By one that looks on feeders? CLEOPATRA. Good my lord,-- ANTONY. You have been a boggler ever:-- But when we in our viciousness grow hard,-- O misery on't!--the wise gods seal our eyes; In our own filth drop our clear judgments: make us Adore our errors; laugh at's while we strut To our confusion. CLEOPATRA. O, is't come to this? ANTONY. I found you as a morsel cold upon Dead Caesar's trencher; nay, you were a fragment Of Cneius Pompey's; besides what hotter hours, Unregist'red in vulgar fame, you have Luxuriously pick'd out:--for I am sure, Though you can guess what temperance should be, You know not what it is. CLEOPATRA. Wherefore is this? ANTONY. To let a fellow that will take rewards, And say 'God quit you!' be familiar with My playfellow, your hand; this kingly seal And plighter of high hearts!--O that I were Upon the hill of Basan, to outroar The horned herd! for I have savage cause; And to proclaim it civilly were like A halter'd neck which does the hangman thank For being yare about him. [Re-enter Attendants with THYREUS.] Is he whipp'd? FIRST ATTENDANT. Soundly, my lord. ANTONY. Cried he? and begg'd he pardon? FIRST ATTENDANT. He did ask favour. ANTONY. If that thy father live, let him repent Thou wast not made his daughter; and be thou sorry To follow Caesar in his triumph, since Thou hast been whipp'd for following him: henceforth The white hand of a lady fever thee, Shake thou to look on't.--Get thee back to Caesar; Tell him thy entertainment: look thou say He makes me angry with him; for he seems Proud and disdainful, harping on what I am, Not what he knew I was: he makes me angry; And at this time most easy 'tis to do't, When my good stars, that were my former guides, Have empty left their orbs, and shot their fires Into the abysm of hell. If he mislike My speech and what is done, tell him he has Hipparchus, my enfranched bondman, whom He may at pleasure, whip, or hang, or torture, As he shall like, to quit me: urge it thou: Hence with thy stripes, be gone. [Exit THYREUS.] CLEOPATRA. Have you done yet? ANTONY. Alack, our terrene moon Is now eclips'd, and it portends alone The fall of Antony! CLEOPATRA. I must stay his time. ANTONY. To flatter Caesar, would you mingle eyes With one that ties his points? CLEOPATRA. Not know me yet? ANTONY. Cold-hearted toward me? CLEOPATRA. Ah, dear, if I be so, From my cold heart let heaven engender hail, And poison it in the source; and the first stone Drop in my neck: as it determines, so Dissolve my life! The next Caesarion smite! Till, by degrees, the memory of my womb, Together with my brave Egyptians all, By the discandying of this pelleted storm, Lie graveless,--till the flies and gnats of Nile Have buried them for prey! ANTONY. I am satisfied. Caesar sits down in Alexandria; where I will oppose his fate. Our force by land Hath nobly held: our sever'd navy to Have knit again, and fleet, threat'ning most sea-like. Where hast thou been, my heart?--Dost thou hear, lady? If from the field I shall return once more To kiss these lips, I will appear in blood: I and my sword will earn our chronicle: There's hope in't yet. CLEOPATRA. That's my brave lord! ANTONY. I will be treble-sinew'd, hearted, breath'd, And fight maliciously: for when mine hours Were nice and lucky, men did ransom lives Of me for jests; but now I'll set my teeth, And send to darkness all that stop me.--Come, Let's have one other gaudy night: call to me All my sad captains; fill our bowls; once more Let's mock the midnight bell. CLEOPATRA. It is my birthday. I had thought t'have held it poor; but since my lord Is Antony again I will be Cleopatra. ANTONY. We will yet do well. CLEOPATRA. Call all his noble captains to my lord. ANTONY. Do so; we'll speak to them: and to-night I'll force The wine peep through their scars.--Come on, my queen; There's sap in't yet. The next time I do fight I'll make death love me; for I will contend Even with his pestilent scythe. [Exeunt all but ENOBARBUS.] ENOBARBUS. Now he'll outstare the lightning. To be furious Is to be frighted out of fear; and in that mood The dove will peck the estridge; and I see still A diminution in our captain's brain Restores his heart: when valour preys on reason, It eats the sword it fights with. I will seek Some way to leave him. [Exit.] ACT IV. SCENE I. CAESAR'S Camp at Alexandria. [Enter CAESAR reading a letter; AGRIPPA, MAECENAS, and others.] CAESAR. He calls me boy; and chides as he had power To beat me out of Egypt; my messenger He hath whip'd with rods; dares me to personal combat, Caesar to Antony:--let the old ruffian know I have many other ways to die; meantime Laugh at his challenge. MAECENAS. Caesar must think When one so great begins to rage, he's hunted Even to falling. Give him no breath, but now Make boot of his distraction:--never anger Made good guard for itself. CAESAR. Let our best heads Know that to-morrow the last of many battles We mean to fight.--Within our files there are Of those that serv'd Mark Antony but late, Enough to fetch him in. See it done: And feast the army; we have store to do't, And they have earn'd the waste. Poor Antony! [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter ANTONY, CLEOPATRA, ENOBARBUS, CHARMIAN, IRAS, ALEXAS, and others.] ANTONY. He will not fight with me, Domitius? ENOBARBUS. No. ANTONY. Why should he not? ENOBARBUS. He thinks, being twenty times of better fortune, He is twenty men to one. ANTONY. To-morrow, soldier, By sea and land I'll fight; or I will live, Or bathe my dying honour in the blood Shall make it live again. Woo't thou fight well? ENOBARBUS. I'll strike, and cry 'Take all.' ANTONY. Well said; come on.-- Call forth my household servants: let's to-night Be bounteous at our meal.-- [Enter Servants.] Give me thy hand, Thou has been rightly honest;--so hast thou;-- Thou,--and thou,--and thou;--you have serv'd me well, And kings have been your fellows. CLEOPATRA. [Aside to ENOBARBUS.] What means this? ENOBARBUS. [Aside to CLEOPATRA.] 'Tis one of those odd tricks which sorrow shoots Out of the mind. ANTONY. And thou art honest too. I wish I could be made so many men, And all of you clapp'd up together in An Antony, that I might do you service So good as you have done. SERVANT. The gods forbid! ANTONY. Well, my good fellows, wait on me to-night: Scant not my cups; and make as much of me As when mine empire was your fellow too, And suffer'd my command. CLEOPATRA. [Aside to ENOBARBUS.] What does he mean? ENOBARBUS. [Aside to CLEOPATRA.] To make his followers weep. ANTONY. Tend me to-night; May be it is the period of your duty: Haply you shall not see me more; or if, A mangled shadow: perchance to-morrow You'll serve another master. I look on you As one that takes his leave. Mine honest friends, I turn you not away; but, like a master Married to your good service, stay till death: Tend me to-night two hours, I ask no more, And the gods yield you for't! ENOBARBUS. What mean you, sir, To give them this discomfort? Look, they weep; And I, an ass, am onion-ey'd: for shame, Transform us not to women. ANTONY. Ho, ho, ho! Now the witch take me, if I meant it thus! Grace grow where those drops fall! My hearty friends, You take me in too dolorous a sense; For I spake to you for your comfort,--did desire you To burn this night with torches: know, my hearts, I hope well of to-morrow; and will lead you Where rather I'll expect victorious life Than death and honour. Let's to supper; come, And drown consideration. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Alexandria. Before the Palace. [Enter two Soldiers to their guard.] FIRST SOLDIER. Brother, good night: to-morrow is the day. SECOND SOLDIER. It will determine one way: fare you well. Heard you of nothing strange about the streets? FIRST SOLDIER. Nothing. What news? SECOND SOLDIER. Belike 'tis but a rumour. Good night to you. FIRST SOLDIER. Well, sir, good night. [Enter two other Soldiers.] SECOND SOLDIER. Soldiers, have careful watch. THIRD SOLDIER. And you. Good night, good night. [The first two place themselves at their posts.] FOURTH SOLDIER. Here we: [The third and fourth take their posts.] and if to-morrow Our navy thrive, I have an absolute hope Our landmen will stand up. THIRD SOLDIER. 'Tis a brave army, And full of purpose. [Music as of hautboys under the stage.] FOURTH SOLDIER. Peace, what noise? FIRST SOLDIER. List, list! SECOND SOLDIER. Hark! FIRST SOLDIER. Music i' the air. THIRD SOLDIER. Under the earth. FOURTH SOLDIER. It signs well, does it not? THIRD SOLDIER. No. FIRST SOLDIER. Peace, I say! What should this mean? SECOND SOLDIER. 'Tis the god Hercules, whom Antony lov'd, Now leaves him. FIRST SOLDIER. Walk; let's see if other watchmen Do hear what we do. [They advance to another post.] SECOND SOLDIER. How now, masters! SOLDIERS. [Speaking together.] How now! How now! Do you hear this? FIRST SOLDIER. Ay; is't not strange? THIRD SOLDIER. Do you hear, masters? do you hear? FIRST SOLDIER. Follow the noise so far as we have quarter; Let's see how it will give off. SOLDIERS. [Speaking together.] Content. 'Tis strange. [Exeunt.] SCENE IV. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter ANTONY and CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, IRAS, and others attending.] ANTONY. Eros! mine armour, Eros! CLEOPATRA. Sleep a little. ANTONY. No, my chuck.--Eros! Come, mine armour, Eros! [Enter EROS with armour.] Come, good fellow, put mine iron on.-- If fortune be not ours to-day, it is Because we brave her.--Come. CLEOPATRA. Nay, I'll help too. What's this for? ANTONY. Ah, let be, let be! Thou art The armourer of my heart. False, false; this, this. CLEOPATRA. Sooth, la, I'll help: thus it must be. ANTONY. Well, well; We shall thrive now.--Seest thou, my good fellow? Go put on thy defences. EROS. Briefly, sir. CLEOPATRA. Is not this buckled well? ANTONY. Rarely, rarely; He that unbuckles this, till we do please To daff't for our repose, shall hear a storm.-- Thou fumblest, Eros, and my queen's a squire More tight at this than thou: despatch.--O love, That thou couldst see my wars to-day, and knew'st The royal occupation! Thou shouldst see A workman in't.-- [Enter an Officer, armed.] Good-morrow to thee; welcome: Thou look'st like him that knows a warlike charge: To business that we love we rise betime, And go to't with delight. OFFICER. A thousand, sir, Early though't be, have on their riveted trim, And at the port expect you. [Shout. Flourish of trumpets within.] [Enter other Officers and Soldiers.] SECOND OFFICER. The morn is fair.--Good morrow, general. ALL. Good morrow, general. ANTONY. 'Tis well blown, lads: This morning, like the spirit of a youth That means to be of note, begins betimes.-- So, so; come, give me that: this way; well said.-- Fare thee well, dame, whate'er becomes of me: [Kisses her.] This is a soldier's kiss: rebukeable, And worthy shameful check it were, to stand On more mechanic compliment; I'll leave thee Now like a man of steel.--You that will fight, Follow me close; I'll bring you to't. Adieu. [Exeunt ANTONY, EROS, Officers and Soldiers.] CHARMIAN. Please you, retire to your chamber. CLEOPATRA. Lead me. He goes forth gallantly. That he and Caesar might Determine this great war in single fight! Then, Antony,--but now--Well, on. [Exeunt.] SCENE V. ANTONY'S camp near Alexandria. [Trumpets sound within. Enter ANTONY and EROS; a SOLDIER meeting them.] SOLDIER. The gods make this a happy day to Antony! ANTONY. Would thou and those thy scars had once prevail'd To make me fight at land! SOLDIER. Hadst thou done so, The kings that have revolted, and the soldier That has this morning left thee, would have still Follow'd thy heels. ANTONY. Who's gone this morning? SOLDIER. Who. One ever near thee. Call for Enobarbus, He shall not hear thee; or from Caesar's camp Say 'I am none of thine.' ANTONY. What say'st thou? SOLDIER. Sir, He is with Caesar. EROS. Sir, his chests and treasure He has not with him. ANTONY. Is he gone? SOLDIER. Most certain. ANTONY. Go, Eros, send his treasure after; do it; Detain no jot, I charge thee; write to him-- I will subscribe,--gentle adieus and greetings; Say that I wish he never find more cause To change a master.--O, my fortunes have Corrupted honest men!--Eros, despatch. [Exeunt.] SCENE VI. Alexandria. CAESAR'S camp. [Flourish. Enter AGRIPPA, CAESAR, with DOLABELLA and ENOBARBUS.] CAESAR. Go forth, Agrippa, and begin the fight: Our will is Antony be took alive; Make it so known. AGRIPPA. Caesar, I shall. [Exit.] CAESAR. The time of universal peace is near: Prove this a prosperous day, the three-nook'd world Shall bear the olive freely. [Enter a Messenger.] MESSENGER. Antony Is come into the field. CAESAR. Go charge Agrippa Plant those that have revolted in the van, That Antony may seem to spend his fury Upon himself. [Exeunt CAESAR and his Train.] ENOBARBUS. Alexas did revolt; and went to Jewry on Affairs of Antony; there did dissuade Great Herod to incline himself to Caesar And leave his master Antony: for this pains Casaer hath hang'd him. Canidius and the rest That fell away, have entertainment, but No honourable trust. I have done ill; Of which I do accuse myself so sorely That I will joy no more. [Enter a SOLDIER of CAESAR'S.] SOLDIER. Enobarbus, Antony Hath after thee sent all thy treasure, with His bounty overplus: the messenger Came on my guard, and at thy tent is now Unloading of his mules. ENOBARBUS. I give it you. SOLDIER. Mock not, Enobarbus. I tell you true: best you saf'd the bringer Out of the host; I must attend mine office, Or would have done't myself. Your emperor Continues still a Jove. [Exit.] ENOBARBUS. I am alone the villain of the earth, And feel I am so most. O Antony, Thou mine of bounty, how wouldst thou have paid My better service, when my turpitude Thou dost so crown with gold! This blows my heart: If swift thought break it not, a swifter mean Shall outstrike thought: but thought will do't, I feel. I fight against thee!--No: I will go seek Some ditch wherein to die; the foul'st best fits My latter part of life. [Exit.] SCENE VII. Field of battle between the Camps. [Alarum. Drums and trumpets. Enter AGRIPPA and others.] AGRIPPA. Retire, we have engag'd ourselves too far: Caesar himself has work, and our oppression Exceeds what we expected. [Exeunt.] [Alarum. Enter ANTONY, and SCARUS wounded.] SCARUS. O my brave emperor, this is fought indeed! Had we done so at first, we had driven them home With clouts about their heads. ANTONY. Thou bleed'st apace. SCARUS. I had a wound here that was like a T, But now 'tis made an H. ANTONY. They do retire. SCARUS. We'll beat'em into bench-holes: I have yet Room for six scotches more. [Enter EROS.] EROS. They are beaten, sir; and our advantage serves For a fair victory. SCARUS. Let us score their backs And snatch 'em up, as we take hares, behind: 'Tis sport to maul a runner. ANTONY. I will reward thee Once for thy sprightly comfort, and tenfold For thy good valour. Come thee on. SCARUS. I'll halt after. [Exeunt.] SCENE VIII. Under the Walls of Alexandria. [Alarum. Enter ANTONY, marching; SCARUS and Forces.] ANTONY. We have beat him to his camp. Run one before And let the queen know of our gests.--To-morrow, Before the sun shall see us, we'll spill the blood That has to-day escap'd. I thank you all; For doughty-handed are you, and have fought Not as you serv'd the cause, but as't had been Each man's like mine; you have shown all Hectors. Enter the city, clip your wives, your friends, Tell them your feats; whilst they with joyful tears Wash the congealment from your wounds and kiss The honour'd gashes whole.--[To SCARUS.] Give me thy hand; [Enter CLEOPATRA, attended.] To this great fairy I'll commend thy acts, Make her thanks bless thee. O thou day o' the world, Chain mine arm'd neck; leap thou, attire and all; Through proof of harness to my heart, and there Ride on the pants triumphing. CLEOPATRA. Lord of lords! O infinite virtue, com'st thou smiling from The world's great snare uncaught? ANTONY. Mine nightingale, We have beat them to their beds. What, girl! though grey Do something mingle with our younger brown, yet ha' we A brain that nourishes our nerves, and can Get goal for goal of youth. Behold this man; Commend unto his lips thy favouring hand;-- Kiss it, my warrior: he hath fought to-day As if a god, in hate of mankind, had Destroyed in such a shape. CLEOPATRA. I'll give thee, friend, An armour all of gold; it was a king's. ANTONY. He has deserv'd it, were it carbuncled Like holy Phoebus' car.--Give me thy hand: Through Alexandria make a jolly march; Bear our hack'd targets like the men that owe them: Had our great palace the capacity To camp this host, we all would sup together, And drink carouses to the next day's fate, Which promises royal peril.--Trumpeters, With brazen din blast you the city's ear; Make mingle with our rattling tabourines; That heaven and earth may strike their sounds together, Applauding our approach. [Exeunt.] SCENE IX. CAESAR'S camp. [Sentinels at their Post.] FIRST SOLDIER. If we be not reliev'd within this hour, We must return to thecourt of guard: the night Is shiny; and they say we shall embattle By the second hour i' the morn. SECOND SOLDIER. This last day was A shrewd one to's. [Enter ENOBARBUS.] ENOBARBUS. O, bear me witness, night.-- THIRD SOLDIER. What man is this? SECOND SOLDIER. Stand close and list him. ENOBARBUS. Be witness to me, O thou blessed moon, When men revolted shall upon record Bear hateful memory, poor Enobarbus did Before thy face repent!-- FIRST SOLDIER. Enobarbus! THIRD SOLDIER. Peace! Hark further. ENOBARBUS. O sovereign mistress of true melancholy, The poisonous damp of night disponge upon me, That life, a very rebel to my will, May hang no longer on me: throw my heart Against the flint and hardness of my fault; Which, being dried with grief, will break to powder, And finish all foul thoughts. O Antony, Nobler than my revolt is infamous, Forgive me in thine own particular; But let the world rank me in register A master-leaver and a fugitive: O Antony! O Antony! [Dies.] SECOND SOLDIER. Let's speak to him. FIRST SOLDIER. Let's hear him, for the things he speaks May concern Caesar. THIRD SOLDIER. Let's do so. But he sleeps. FIRST SOLDIER. Swoons rather; for so bad a prayer as his Was never yet fore sleep. SECOND SOLDIER. Go we to him. THIRD SOLDIER. Awake, sir, awake; speak to us. SECOND SOLDIER. Hear you, sir? FIRST SOLDIER. The hand of death hath raught him. [Drums afar off.] Hark! the drums Do merrily wake the sleepers. Let us bear him To the court of guard; he is of note: our hour Is fully out. THIRD SOLDIER. Come on, then; He may recover yet. [Exeunt with the body.] SCENE X. Ground between the two Camps. [Enter ANTONY and SCARUS, with Forces, marching.] ANTONY. Their preparation is to-day by sea; We please them not by land. SCARUS. For both, my lord. ANTONY. I would they'd fight i' the fire or i' the air; We'd fight there too. But this it is; our foot Upon the hills adjoining to the city Shall stay with us:--order for sea is given; They have put forth the haven:--forward now, Where their appointment we may best discover, And look on their endeavour. [Exeunt.] SCENE XI. Another part of the Ground. [Enter CAESAR with his Forces, marching.] CAESAR. But being charg'd, we will be still by land, Which, as I take't, we shall; for his best force Is forth to man his galleys. To the vales, And hold our best advantage. [Exeunt.] SCENE XII. Another part of the Ground. [Enter ANTONY and SCARUS.] ANTONY. Yet they are not join'd: where yond pine does stand I shall discover all: I'll bring thee word Straight how 'tis like to go. [Exit.] SCARUS. Swallows have built In Cleopatra's sails their nests: the augurers Say they know not,--they cannot tell;--look grimly, And dare not speak their knowledge. Antony Is valiant and dejected; and, by starts, His fretted fortunes give him hope and fear Of what he has and has not. [Alarum afar off, as at a sea-fight.] [Re-enter ANTONY.] ANTONY. All is lost; This foul Egyptian hath betrayed me: My fleet hath yielded to the foe; and yonder They cast their caps up, and carouse together Like friends long lost.--Triple-turn'd whore! 'tis thou Hast sold me to this novice; and my heart Makes only wars on thee.--Bid them all fly; For when I am reveng'd upon my charm, I have done all.--Bid them all fly; begone. [Exit SCARUS.] O sun, thy uprise shall I see no more: Fortune and Antony part here; even here Do we shake hands.--All come to this!--The hearts That spaniel'd me at heels, to whom I gave Their wishes, do discandy, melt their sweets On blossoming Caesar; and this pine is bark'd That overtopp'd them all. Betray'd I am: O this false soul of Egypt! this grave charm, Whose eye beck'd forth my wars and call'd them home; Whose bosom was my crownet, my chief end,-- Like a right gypsy, hath, at fast and loose, Beguil'd me to the very heart of loss.-- What, Eros, Eros! [Enter CLEOPATRA.] Ah, thou spell! Avaunt! CLEOPATRA. Why is my lord enrag'd against his love? ANTONY. Vanish, or I shall give thee thy deserving, And blemish Caesar's triumph. Let him take thee And hoist thee up to the shouting plebeians: Follow his chariot, like the greatest spot Of all thy sex; most monster-like, be shown For poor'st diminutives, for doits; and let Patient Octavia plough thy visage up With her prepared nails. [Exit CLEOPATRA.] 'Tis well thou'rt gone, If it be well to live; but better 'twere Thou fell'st into my fury, for one death Might have prevented many.--Eros, ho!-- The shirt of Nessus is upon me: teach me, Alcides, thou mine ancestor, thy rage: Let me lodge Lichas on the horns o' the moon; And with those hands that grasp'd the heaviest club Subdue my worthiest self. The witch shall die: To the young Roman boy she hath sold me, and I fall Under this plot:--she dies for't.--Eros, ho! [Exit.] SCENE XIII. Alexandria. A Room in the Palace. [Enter CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, IRAS, and MARDIAN.] CLEOPATRA. Help me, my women! O, he is more mad Than Telamon for his shield; the boar of Thessaly Was never so emboss'd. CHARMIAN. To the monument! There lock yourself, and send him word you are dead. The soul and body rive not more in parting Than greatness going off. CLEOPATRA. To the monument!-- Mardian, go tell him I have slain myself; Say that the last I spoke was 'Antony', And word it, pr'ythee, piteously: hence, Mardian; And bring me how he takes my death.-- To the monument! [Exeunt.] SCENE XIV. Alexandria. Another Room. [Enter ANTONY and EROS.] ANTONY. Eros, thou yet behold'st me? EROS. Ay, noble lord. ANTONY. Sometime we see a cloud that's dragonish; A vapour sometime like a bear or lion, A tower'd citadel, a pendant rock, A forked mountain, or blue promontory With trees upon't, that nod unto the world, And mock our eyes with air: thou hast seen these signs; They are black vesper's pageants. EROS. Ay, my lord. ANTONY. That which is now a horse, even with a thought The rack dislimns; and makes it indistinct, As water is in water. EROS. It does, my lord. ANTONY. My good knave Eros, now thy captain is Even such a body: here I am Antony; Yet cannot hold this visible shape, my knave. I made these wars for Egypt; and the queen,-- Whose heart I thought I had, for she had mine; Which, whilst it was mine, had annex'd unto't A million moe, now lost,--she, Eros, has Pack'd cards with Caesar, and false-play'd my glory Unto an enemy's triumph.-- Nay, weep not, gentle Eros; there is left us Ourselves to end ourselves.-- [Enter MARDIAN.] O, thy vile lady! She has robb'd me of my sword. MARDIAN. No, Antony; My mistress lov'd thee, and her fortunes mingled With thine entirely. ANTONY. Hence, saucy eunuch; peace! She hath betray'd me, and shall die the death. MARDIAN. Death of one person can be paid but once, And that she has discharg'd: what thou wouldst do Is done unto thy hand: the last she spake Was 'Antony! most noble Antony!' Then in the midst a tearing groan did break The name of Antony; it was divided Between her heart and lips: she render'd life, Thy name so buried in her. ANTONY. Dead then? MARDIAN. Dead. ANTONY. Unarm, Eros; the long day's task is done, And we must sleep.--That thou depart'st hence safe Does pay thy labour richly; go. [Exit MARDIAN.] Off, pluck off;-- The sevenfold shield of Ajax cannot keep The battery from my heart. O, cleave, my sides! Heart, once be stronger than thy continent, Crack thy frail case!--Apace, Eros, apace.-- No more a soldier.--Bruised pieces, go; You have been nobly borne.--From me awhile.-- [Exit EROS.] I will o'ertake thee, Cleopatra, and Weep for my pardon. So it must be, for now All length is torture.--Since the torch is out, Lie down, and stray no further:--now all labour Mars what it does; yea, very force entangles Itself with strength: seal then, and all is done.-- Eros!--I come, my queen.--Eros!--stay for me: Where souls do couch on flowers, we'll hand in hand, And with our sprightly port make the ghosts gaze: Dido and her Aeneas shall want troops, And all the haunt be ours.--Come, Eros, Eros! [Re-enter EROS.] EROS. What would my lord? ANTONY. Since Cleopatra died, I have liv'd in such dishonour that the gods Detest my baseness. I, that with my sword Quarter'd the world, and o'er green Neptune's back With ships made cities, condemn myself to lack The courage of a woman; less noble mind Than she which by her death our Caesar tells 'I am conqueror of myself.' Thou art sworn, Eros, That, when the exigent should come,--which now Is come indeed--when I should see behind me The inevitable prosecution of Disgrace and horror, that, on my command, Thou then wouldst kill me: do't; the time is come: Thou strik'st not me; 'tis Caesar thou defeat'st. Put colour in thy cheek. EROS. The gods withhold me! Shall I do that which all the Parthian darts, Though enemy, lost aim and could not? ANTONY. Eros, Wouldst thou be window'd in great Rome and see Thy master thus with pleach'd arms, bending down His corrigible neck, his face subdu'd To penetrative shame; whilst the wheel'd seat Of fortunate Caesar, drawn before him, branded His baseness that ensued? EROS. I would not see't. ANTONY. Come, then; for with a wound I must be cur'd. Draw that thy honest sword, which thou hast worn Most useful for thy country. EROS. O, sir, pardon me! ANTONY. When I did make thee free, swor'st thou not then To do this when I bade thee? Do it at once; Or thy precedent services are all But accidents unpurpos'd. Draw, and come. EROS. Turn from me then that noble countenance, Wherein the worship of the whole world lies. ANTONY. Lo thee! [Turning from him.] EROS. My sword is drawn. ANTONY. Then let it do at once The thing why thou hast drawn it. EROS. My dear master, My captain and my emperor, let me say, Before I strike this bloody stroke, farewell. ANTONY. 'Tis said, man;--and farewell. EROS. Farewell, great chief. Shall I strike now? ANTONY. Now, Eros. EROS. Why, there then [falls on his sword]!--thus do I escape the sorrow Of Antony's death. [Dies.] ANTONY. Thrice nobler than myself! Thou teachest me, O valiant Eros, what I should, and thou couldst not. My queen and Eros Have, by their brave instruction, got upon me A nobleness in record: but I will be A bridegroom in my death, and run into't As to a lover's bed. Come, then; and, Eros, Thy master dies thy scholar: to do thus [Falling on his sword.] I learn'd of thee. How? not dead? not dead?-- The guard, ho!--O, despatch me! [Enter DERCETAS and a guard.] FIRST GUARD. What's the noise? ANTONY. I have done my work ill, friends: O, make an end Of what I have begun. SECOND GUARD. The star is fallen. FIRST GUARD. And time is at his period. ALL. Alas, and woe! ANTONY. Let him that loves me, strike me dead. FIRST GUARD. Not I. SECOND GUARD. Nor I. THIRD GUARD. Nor any one. [Exeunt guard.] DERCETAS. Thy death and fortunes bid thy followers fly. This sword but shown to Caesar, with this tidings, Shall enter me with him. [Enter DIOMEDES.] DIOMEDES. Where's Antony? DERCETAS. There, Diomed, there. DIOMEDES. Lives he? Wilt thou not answer, man? [Exit DERCETAS.] ANTONY. Art thou there, Diomed? Draw thy sword and give me Sufficing strokes for death. DIOMEDES. Most absolute lord, My mistress Cleopatra sent me to thee. ANTONY. When did she send thee? DIOMEDES. Now, my lord. ANTONY. Where is she? DIOMEDES. Lock'd in her monument. She had a prophesying fear Of what hath come to pass: for when she saw,-- Which never shall be found,--you did suspect She had dispos'd with Caesar, and that your rage Would not be purg'd, she sent you word she was dead; But, fearing since how it might work, hath sent Me to proclaim the truth; and I am come, I dread, too late. ANTONY. Too late, good Diomed.--Call my guard, I pr'ythee. DIOMEDES. What, ho! the emperor's guard! The guard, what ho! Come, your lord calls! [Enter some of the Guard.] ANTONY. Bear me, good friends, where Cleopatra bides; 'Tis the last service that I shall command you. FIRST GUARD. Woe, woe are we, sir, you may not live to wear All your true followers out. ALL. Most heavy day! ANTONY. Nay, good my fellows, do not please sharp fate To grace it with your sorrows: bid that welcome Which comes to punish us, and we punish it, Seeming to bear it lightly. Take me up: I have led you oft: carry me now, good friends, And have my thanks for all. [Exeunt, bearing ANTONY.] SCENE XV. Alexandria. A monument. [Enter, above, CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN and IRAS.] CLEOPATRA. O Charmian, I will never go from hence! CHARMIAN. Be comforted, dear madam. CLEOPATRA. No, I will not: All strange and terrible events are welcome, But comforts we despise; our size of sorrow, Proportion'd to our cause, must be as great As that which makes it.-- [Enter, below, DIOMEDES.] How now! is he dead? DIOMEDES. His death's upon him, but not dead. Look out o' the other side your monument; His guard have brought him thither. [Enter, below, ANTONY, borne by the Guard.] CLEOPATRA. O sun, Burn the great sphere thou mov'st in!--darkling stand The varying shore o' theworld.--O Antony, Antony, Antony!--Help, Charmian; help, Iras, help,-- Help, friends below;--let's draw him hither. ANTONY. Peace! Not Caesar's valour hath o'erthrown Antony, But Antony's hath triumph'd on itself. CLEOPATRA. So it should be, that none but Antony Should conquer Antony; but woe 'tis so! ANTONY. I am dying, Egypt, dying; only I here importune death awhile, until Of many thousand kisses the poor last I lay upon thy lips. CLEOPATRA. I dare not, dear,-- Dear my lord, pardon,--I dare not, Lest I be taken: not the imperious show Of the full-fortun'd Caesar ever shall Be brooch'd with me; if knife, drugs, serpents, have Edge, sting, or operation, I am safe; Your wife Octavia, with her modest eyes And still conclusion, shall acquire no honour Demuring upon me.--But come, come, Antony,-- Help me, my women,--we must draw thee up; Assist, good friends. ANTONY. O, quick, or I am gone. CLEOPATRA. Here's sport indeed!--How heavy weighs my lord! Our strength is all gone into heaviness; That makes the weight: had I great Juno's power, The strong-wing'd Mercury should fetch thee up, And set thee by Jove's side. Yet come a little,-- Wishers were ever fools,--O come, come; [They draw ANTONY up.] And welcome, welcome! die where thou hast liv'd: Quicken with kissing: had my lips that power, Thus would I wear them out. ALL. A heavy sight! ANTONY. I am dying, Egypt, dying: Give me some wine, and let me speak a little. CLEOPATRA. No, let me speak; and let me rail so high That the false huswife Fortune break her wheel, Provok'd by my offence. ANTONY. One word, sweet queen: Of Caesar seek your honour, with your safety.--O! CLEOPATRA. They do not go together. ANTONY. Gentle, hear me: None about Caesar trust but Proculeius. CLEOPATRA. My resolution and my hands I'll trust; None about Caesar. ANTONY. The miserable change now at my end Lament nor sorrow at: but please your thoughts In feeding them with those my former fortunes Wherein I liv'd, the greatest prince o' the world, The noblest; and do now not basely die, Not cowardly put off my helmet to My countryman, a Roman by a Roman Valiantly vanquish'd. Now my spirit is going: I can no more. CLEOPATRA. Noblest of men, woo't die? Hast thou no care of me? shall I abide In this dull world, which in thy absence is No better than a sty?--O, see, my women, [Antony dies.] The crown o' the earth doth melt.--My lord!-- O, wither'd is the garland of the war, The soldier's pole is fallen: young boys and girls Are level now with men: the odds is gone, And there is nothing left remarkable Beneath the visiting moon. [Faints.] CHARMIAN. O, quietness, lady! IRAS. She is dead too, our sovereign. CHARMIAN. Lady!-- IRAS. Madam!-- CHARMIAN. O madam, madam, madam!-- IRAS. Royal Egypt, Empress,-- CHARMIAN. Peace, peace, Iras! CLEOPATRA. No more but e'en a woman, and commanded By such poor passion as the maid that milks And does the meanest chares.--It were for me To throw my sceptre at the injurious gods; To tell them that this world did equal theirs Till they had stol'n our jewel. All's but naught; Patience is sottish, and impatience does Become a dog that's mad: then is it sin To rush into the secret house of death Ere death dare come to us?--How do you, women? What, what! good cheer! Why, how now, Charmian! My noble girls!--Ah, women, women, look, Our lamp is spent, it's out!--Good sirs, take heart:-- We'll bury him; and then, what's brave, what's noble, Let's do it after the high Roman fashion, And make death proud to take us. Come, away: This case of that huge spirit now is cold: Ah, women, women!--Come; we have no friend But resolution, and the briefest end. [Exeunt; those above bearing off ANTONY'S body.] ACT V. SCENE I. CAESAR'S Camp before Alexandria. [Enter CAESAR, AGRIPPA, DOLABELLA, MAECENAS, GALLUS, PROCULEIUS, and Others.] CAESAR. Go to him, Dolabella, bid him yield; Being so frustrate, tell him he mocks The pauses that he makes. DOLABELLA. Caesar, I shall. [Exit.] [Enter DERCETAS with the sword of ANTONY.] CAESAR. Wherefore is that? And what art thou that dar'st Appear thus to us? DERCETAS. I am call'd Dercetas; Mark Antony I serv'd, who best was worthy Best to be serv'd: whilst he stood up and spoke, He was my master, and I wore my life To spend upon his haters. If thou please To take me to thee, as I was to him I'll be to Caesar; if thou pleasest not, I yield thee up my life. CAESAR. What is't thou say'st? DERCETAS. I say, O Caesar, Antony is dead. CAESAR. The breaking of so great a thing should make A greater crack: the round world Should have shook lions into civil streets, And citizens to their dens. The death of Antony Is not a single doom; in the name lay A moiety of the world. DERCETAS. He is dead, Caesar; Not by a public minister of justice, Nor by a hired knife; but that self hand Which writ his honour in the acts it did Hath, with the courage which the heart did lend it, Splitted the heart.--This is his sword; I robb'd his wound of it; behold it stain'd With his most noble blood. CAESAR. Look you sad, friends? The gods rebuke me, but it is tidings To wash the eyes of kings. AGRIPPA. And strange it is That nature must compel us to lament Our most persisted deeds. MAECENAS. His taints and honours Weigh'd equal with him. AGRIPPA. A rarer spirit never Did steer humanity. But you, gods, will give us Some faults to make us men. Caesar is touch'd. MAECENAS. When such a spacious mirror's set before him, He needs must see himself. CAESAR. O Antony! I have follow'd thee to this!--But we do lance Diseases in our bodies: I must perforce Have shown to thee such a declining day Or look on thine; we could not stall together In the whole world: but yet let me lament, With tears as sovereign as the blood of hearts, That thou, my brother, my competitor In top of all design, my mate in empire, Friend and companion in the front of war, The arm of mine own body, and the heart Where mine his thoughts did kindle,--that our stars, Unreconciliable, should divide Our equalness to this.--Hear me, good friends,-- But I will tell you at some meeter season. [Enter a Messenger.] The business of this man looks out of him; We'll hear him what he says.--Whence are you? MESSENGER. A poor Egyptian yet. The queen, my mistress, Confin'd in all she has, her monument, Of thy intents desires instruction, That she preparedly may frame herself To the way she's forc'd to. CAESAR. Bid her have good heart: She soon shall know of us, by some of ours, How honourable and how kindly we Determine for her; for Caesar cannot learn To be ungentle. MESSENGER. So the gods preserve thee! [Exit.] CAESAR. Come hither, Proculeius. Go and say We purpose her no shame: give her what comforts The quality of her passion shall require Lest, in her greatness, by some mortal stroke She do defeat us; for her life in Rome Would be eternal in our triumph: go, And with your speediest bring us what she says, And how you find her. PROCULEIUS. Caesar, I shall. [Exit.] CAESAR. Gallus, go you along.-- [Exit GALLUS.] Where's Dolabella, to second Proculeius? ALL. Dolabella! CAESAR. Let him alone, for I remember now How he's employ'd; he shall in time be ready. Go with me to my tent; where you shall see How hardly I was drawn into this war; How calm and gentle I proceeded still In all my writings: go with me, and see What I can show in this. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. Alexandria. A Room in the Monument. [Enter CLEOPATRA, CHARMIAN, and IRAS.] CLEOPATRA. My desolation does begin to make A better life. 'Tis paltry to be Caesar; Not being Fortune, he's but Fortune's knave, A minister of her will: and it is great To do that thing that ends all other deeds; Which shackles accidents and bolts up change; Which sleeps, and never palates more the dug, The beggar's nurse and Caesar's. [Enter, to the gates of the Monument, PROCULEIUS, GALLUS, and Soldiers.] PROCULEIUS. Caesar sends greetings to the queen of Egypt; And bids thee study on what fair demands Thou mean'st to have him grant thee. CLEOPATRA. What's thy name? PROCULEIUS. My name is Proculeius. CLEOPATRA. Antony Did tell me of you, bade me trust you; but I do not greatly care to be deceiv'd, That have no use for trusting. If your master Would have a queen his beggar, you must tell him That majesty, to keep decorum, must No less beg than a kingdom: if he please To give me conquer'd Egypt for my son, He gives me so much of mine own as I Will kneel to him with thanks. PROCULEIUS. Be of good cheer; You are fallen into a princely hand; fear nothing: Make your full reference freely to my lord, Who is so full of grace that it flows over On all that need: let me report to him Your sweet dependency; and you shall find A conqueror that will pray in aid for kindness Where he for grace is kneel'd to. CLEOPATRA. Pray you, tell him I am his fortune's vassal and I send him The greatness he has got. I hourly learn A doctrine of obedience; and would gladly Look him i' the face. PROCULEIUS. This I'll report, dear lady. Have comfort, for I know your plight is pitied Of him that caus'd it. GALLUS. You see how easily she may be surpris'd: [Here PROCULEIUS and two of the Guard ascend the Monument by a ladder placed against a window, and, having ascended, come behind CLEOPATRA. Some of the Guard unbar and open the gates.] [To PROCULEIUS. and the Guear.] Guard her till Caesar come. [Exit.] IRAS. Royal queen! CHARMIAN. O Cleopatra! thou art taken, queen! CLEOPATRA. Quick, quick, good hands. [Drawing a dagger.] PROCULEIUS. Hold, worthy lady, hold; [Seizes and disarms her.] Do not yourself such wrong, who are in this Reliev'd, but not betray'd. CLEOPATRA. What, of death too, That rids our dogs of languish? PROCULEIUS. Cleopatra, Do not abuse my master's bounty by Theundoing of yourself: let the world see His nobleness well acted, which your death Will never let come forth. CLEOPATRA. Where art thou, death? Come hither, come! Come, come, and take a queen Worth many babes and beggars! PROCULEIUS. O, temperance, lady! CLEOPATRA. Sir, I will eat no meat; I'll not drink, sir; If idle talk will once be accessary, I'll not sleep neither: this mortal house I'll ruin, Do Caesar what he can. Know, sir, that I Will not wait pinion'd at your master's court; Nor once be chastis'd with the sober eye Of dull Octavia. Shall they hoist me up, And show me to the shouting varletry Of censuring Rome? Rather a ditch in Egypt Be gentle grave unto me! rather on Nilus' mud Lay me stark-nak'd, and let the water-flies Blow me into abhorring! rather make My country's high pyramides my gibbet, And hang me up in chains! PROCULEIUS. You do extend These thoughts of horror further than you shall Find cause in Caesar. [Enter DOLABELLA.] DOLABELLA. Proculeius, What thou hast done thy master Caesar knows, And he hath sent for thee: as for the queen, I'll take her to my guard. PROCULEIUS. So, Dolabella, It shall content me best: be gentle to her.-- [To CLEOPATRA.] To Caesar I will speak what you shall please, If you'll employ me to him. CLEOPATRA. Say I would die. [Exeunt PROCULEIUS and Soldiers.] DOLABELLA. Most noble empress, you have heard of me? CLEOPATRA. I cannot tell. DOLABELLA. Assuredly you know me. CLEOPATRA. No matter, sir, what I have heard or known. You laugh when boys or women tell their dreams; Is't not your trick? DOLABELLA. I understand not, madam. CLEOPATRA. I dream'd there was an Emperor Antony:-- O, such another sleep, that I might see But such another man! DOLABELLA. If it might please you,-- CLEOPATRA. His face was as the heavens; and therein stuck A sun and moon, which kept their course, and lighted The little O, the earth. DOLABELLA. Most sovereign creature,-- CLEOPATRA. His legs bestrid the ocean; his rear'd arm Crested the world: his voice was propertied As all the tuned spheres, and that to friends; But when he meant to quail and shake the orb, He was as rattling thunder. For his bounty, There was no winter in't; an autumn 'twas That grew the more by reaping: his delights Were dolphin-like; they show'd his back above The element they liv'd in: in his livery Walk'd crowns and crownets; realms and islands were As plates dropp'd from his pocket. DOLABELLA. Cleopatra,-- CLEOPATRA. Think you there was or might be such a man As this I dream'd of? DOLABELLA. Gentle madam, no. CLEOPATRA. You lie, up to the hearing of the gods. But if there be, or ever were, one such, It's past the size of dreaming: nature wants stuff To vie strange forms with fancy: yet to imagine An Antony were nature's piece 'gainst fancy, Condemning shadows quite. DOLABELLA. Hear me, good madam. Your loss is, as yourself, great; and you bear it As answering to the weight: would I might never O'ertake pursu'd success, but I do feel, By the rebound of yours, a grief that smites My very heart at root. CLEOPATRA. I thank you, sir. Know you what Caesar means to do with me? DOLABELLA. I am loath to tell you what I would you knew. CLEOPATRA. Nay, pray you, sir,-- DOLABELLA. Though he be honourable,-- CLEOPATRA. He'll lead me, then, in triumph? DOLABELLA. Madam, he will; I know it. [Flourish within.] [Within.] Make way there,--Caesar! [Enter CAESAR, GALLUS, PROCULEIUS, MAECENAS, SELEUCUS, and Attendants.] CAESAR. Which is the queen of Egypt? DOLABELLA. It is the emperor, madam. [CLEOPATRA kneels.] CAESAR. Arise, you shall not kneel:-- I pray you, rise; rise, Egypt. CLEOPATRA. Sir, the gods Will have it thus; my master and my lord I must obey. CAESAR. Take to you no hard thoughts; The record of what injuries you did us, Though written in our flesh, we shall remember As things but done by chance. CLEOPATRA. Sole sir o' the world, I cannot project mine own cause so well To make it clear: but do confess I have Been laden with like frailties which before Have often sham'd our sex. CAESAR. Cleopatra, know We will extenuate rather than enforce: If you apply yourself to our intents,-- Which towards you are most gentle,--you shall find A benefit in this change; but if you seek To lay on me a cruelty, by taking Antony's course, you shall bereave yourself Of my good purposes, and put your children To that destruction which I'll guard them from, If thereon you rely. I'll take my leave. CLEOPATRA. And may, through all the world: 'tis yours, and we, Your scutcheons and your signs of conquest, shall Hang in what place you please. Here, my good lord. CAESAR. You shall advise me in all for Cleopatra. CLEOPATRA. This is the brief of money, plate, and jewels, I am possess'd of: 'tis exactly valued; Not petty things admitted.--Where's Seleucus? SELEUCUS. Here, madam. CLEOPATRA. This is my treasurer: let him speak, my lord, Upon his peril, that I have reserv'd To myself nothing. Speak the truth, Seleucus. SELEUCUS. Madam, I had rather seal my lips than to my peril Speak that which is not. CLEOPATRA. What have I kept back? SELEUCUS. Enough to purchase what you have made known. CAESAR. Nay, blush not, Cleopatra; I approve Your wisdom in the deed. CLEOPATRA. See, Caesar! O, behold, How pomp is follow'd! Mine will now be yours; And, should we shift estates, yours would be mine. The ingratitude of this Seleucus does Even make me wild: O slave, of no more trust Than love that's hir'd!--What, goest thou back? thou shalt Go back, I warrant thee; but I'll catch thine eyes Though they had wings; slave, soulless villain, dog! O rarely base! CAESAR. Good queen, let us entreat you. CLEOPATRA. O Caesar, what a wounding shame is this,-- That thou vouchsafing here to visit me, Doing the honour of thy lordliness To one so meek, that mine own servant should Parcel the sum of my disgraces by Addition of his envy! Say, good Caesar, That I some lady trifles have reserv'd, Immoment toys, things of such dignity As we greet modern friends withal; and say, Some nobler token I have kept apart For Livia and Octavia, to induce Their mediation;--must I be unfolded With one that I have bred? The gods! It smites me Beneath the fall I have. [To SELEUCUS.] Pr'ythee go hence; Or I shall show the cinders of my spirits Through theashes of my chance.--Wert thou a man, Thou wouldst have mercy on me. CAESAR. Forbear, Seleucus. [Exit SELEUCUS.] CLEOPATRA. Be it known that we, the greatest, are misthought For things that others do; and when we fall We answer others' merits in our name, Are therefore to be pitied. CAESAR. Cleopatra, Not what you have reserv'd, nor what acknowledg'd, Put we i' the roll of conquest: still be't yours, Bestow it at your pleasure; and believe Caesar's no merchant, to make prize with you Of things that merchants sold. Therefore be cheer'd; Make not your thoughts your prisons: no, dear queen; For we intend so to dispose you as Yourself shall give us counsel. Feed and sleep: Our care and pity is so much upon you That we remain your friend; and so, adieu. CLEOPATRA. My master and my lord! CAESAR. Not so. Adieu. [Flourish. Exeunt CAESAR and his Train.] CLEOPATRA. He words me, girls, he words me, that I should not Be noble to myself: but hark thee, Charmian! [Whispers CHARMIAN.] IRAS. Finish, good lady; the bright day is done, And we are for the dark. CLEOPATRA. Hie thee again: I have spoke already, and it is provided; Go put it to the haste. CHARMIAN. Madam, I will. [Re-enter DOLABELLA.] DOLABELLA. Where's the queen? CHARMIAN. Behold, sir. [Exit.] CLEOPATRA. Dolabella! DOLABELLA. Madam, as thereto sworn by your command, Which my love makes religion to obey, I tell you this: Caesar through Syria Intends his journey; and within three days You with your children will he send before: Make your best use of this: I have perform'd Your pleasure and my promise. CLEOPATRA. Dolabella, I shall remain your debtor. DOLABELLA. I your servant. Adieu, good queen; I must attend on Caesar. CLEOPATRA. Farewell, and thanks. [Exit DOLABELLA.] Now, Iras, what think'st thou? Thou, an Egyptian puppet, shall be shown In Rome as well as I: mechanic slaves, With greasy aprons, rules, and hammers, shall Uplift us to the view; in their thick breaths, Rank of gross diet, shall we be enclouded, And forc'd to drink their vapour. IRAS. The gods forbid! CLEOPATRA. Nay, 'tis most certain, Iras:--saucy lictors Will catch at us like strumpets; and scald rhymers Ballad us out o' tune: the quick comedians Extemporally will stage us, and present Our Alexandrian revels; Antony Shall be brought drunken forth, and I shall see Some squeaking Cleopatra boy my greatness I' the posture of a whore. IRAS. O the good gods! CLEOPATRA. Nay, that's certain. IRAS. I'll never see't; for I am sure mine nails Are stronger than mine eyes. CLEOPATRA. Why, that's the way To fool their preparation and to conquer Their most absurd intents. [Enter CHARMIAN.] Now, Charmian!-- Show me, my women, like a queen.--Go fetch My best attires;--I am again for Cydnus, To meet Mark Antony:--sirrah, Iras, go.-- Now, noble Charmian, we'll despatch indeed; And when thou hast done this chare, I'll give thee leave To play till doomsday.--Bring our crown and all. [Exit IRAS. A noise within.] Wherefore's this noise? [Enter one of the Guard.] GUARD. Here is a rural fellow That will not be denied your highness' presence: He brings you figs. CLEOPATRA. Let him come in. [Exit Guard.] What poor an instrument May do a noble deed! he brings me liberty. My resolution's plac'd, and I have nothing Of woman in me: now from head to foot I am marble-constant; now the fleeting moon No planet is of mine. [Re-enter Guard, with Clown bringing a basket.] GUARD. This is the man. CLEOPATRA. Avoid, and leave him. [Exit Guard.] Hast thou the pretty worm of Nilus there That kills and pains not? CLOWN. Truly, I have him. But I would not be the party that should desire you to touch him, for his biting is immortal; those that do die of it do seldom or never recover. CLEOPATRA. Remember'st thou any that have died on't? CLOWN. Very many, men and women too. I heard of one of them no longer than yesterday: a very honest woman, but something given to lie; as a woman should not do but in the way of honesty: how she died of the biting of it, what pain she felt,--truly she makes a very good report o' the worm; but he that will believe all that they say shall never be saved by half that they do: but this is most falliable, the worm's an odd worm. CLEOPATRA. Get thee hence; farewell. CLOWN. I wish you all joy of the worm. [Sets down the basket.] CLEOPATRA. Farewell. CLOWN. You must think this, look you, that the worm will do his kind. CLEOPATRA. Ay, ay; farewell. CLOWN. Look you, the worm is not to be trusted but in the keeping of wise people; for indeed there is no goodness in the worm. CLEOPATRA. Take thou no care; it shall be heeded. CLOWN. Very good. Give it nothing, I pray you, for it is not worth the feeding. CLEOPATRA. Will it eat me? CLOWN. You must not think I am so simple but I know the devil himself will not eat a woman: I know that a woman is a dish for the gods, if the devil dress her not. But truly, these same whoreson devils do the gods great harm in their women, for in every ten that they make the devils mar five. CLEOPATRA. Well, get thee gone; farewell. CLOWN. Yes, forsooth. I wish you joy o' the worm. [Exit.] [Re-enter IRAS, with a robe, crown, &c.] CLEOPATRA. Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have Immortal longings in me: now no more The juice of Egypt's grape shall moist this lip:-- Yare, yare, good Iras; quick.--Methinks I hear Antony call; I see him rouse himself To praise my noble act; I hear him mock The luck of Caesar, which the gods give men To excuse their after wrath. Husband, I come: Now to that name my courage prove my title! I am fire and air; my other elements I give to baser life.--So,--have you done? Come then, and take the last warmth of my lips. Farewell, kind Charmian;--Iras, long farewell. [Kisses them. IRAS falls and dies.] Have I the aspic in my lips? Dost fall? If thus thou and nature can so gently part, The stroke of death is as a lover's pinch, Which hurts and is desir'd. Dost thou lie still? If thou vanishest, thou tell'st the world It is not worth leave-taking. CHARMIAN. Dissolve, thick cloud, and rain; that I may say The gods themselves do weep! CLEOPATRA. This proves me base: If she first meet the curled Antony, He'll make demand of her, and spend that kiss Which is my heaven to have.--Come, thou mortal wretch, [To an asp, which she applies to her breast.] With thy sharp teeth this knot intrinsicate Of life at once untie: poor venomous fool, Be angry and despatch. O couldst thou speak, That I might hear thee call great Caesar ass Unpolicied! CHARMIAN. O eastern star! CLEOPATRA. Peace, peace! Dost thou not see my baby at my breast That sucks the nurse asleep? CHARMIAN. O, break! O, break! CLEOPATRA. As sweet as balm, as soft as air, as gentle:-- O Antony! Nay, I will take thee too:-- [Applying another asp to her arm.] What should I stay,-- [Falls on a bed and dies.] CHARMIAN. In this vile world?--So, fare thee well.-- Now boast thee, death, in thy possession lies A lass unparallel'd.--Downy windows, close; And golden Phoebus never be beheld Of eyes again so royal! Your crown's awry; I'll mend it and then play. [Enter the guard, rushing in.] FIRST GUARD. Where's the queen? CHARMIAN. Speak softly, wake her not. FIRST GUARD. Caesar hath sent,-- CHARMIAN. Too slow a messenger. [Applies an asp.] O, come apace, despatch: I partly feel thee. FIRST GUARD. Approach, ho! all's not well: Caesar's beguil'd. SECOND GUARD. There's Dolabella sent from Caesar; call him. FIRST GUARD. What work is here!--Charmian, is this well done? CHARMIAN. It is well done, and fitting for a princess Descended of so many royal kings. Ah, soldier! [CHARMIAN dies.] [Re-enter DOLABELLA.] DOLABELLA. How goes it here? SECOND GUARD. All dead. DOLABELLA. Caesar, thy thoughts Touch their effects in this: thyself art coming To see perform'd the dreaded act which thou So sought'st to hinder. [Within.] A way there, a way for Caesar! [Re-enter CAESAR and his Train.] DOLABELLA. O sir, you are too sure an augurer; That you did fear is done. CAESAR. Bravest at the last, She levell'd at our purposes, and being royal, Took her own way.--The manner of their deaths? I do not see them bleed. DOLABELLA. Who was last with them? FIRST GUARD. A simple countryman that brought her figs. This was his basket. CAESAR. Poison'd then. FIRST GUARD. O Caesar, This Charmian liv'd but now; she stood and spake: I found her trimming up the diadem On her dead mistress; tremblingly she stood, And on the sudden dropp'd. CAESAR. O noble weakness!-- If they had swallow'd poison 'twould appear By external swelling: but she looks like sleep,-- As she would catch another Antony In her strong toil of grace. DOLABELLA. Here on her breast There is a vent of blood, and something blown: The like is on her arm. FIRST GUARD. This is an aspic's trail: and these fig-leaves Have slime upon them, such as the aspic leaves Upon the caves of Nile. CAESAR. Most probable That so she died; for her physician tells me She hath pursu'd conclusions infinite Of easy ways to die. Take up her bed, And bear her women from the monument:-- She shall be buried by her Antony: No grave upon the earth shall clip in it A pair so famous. High events as these Strike those that make them; and their story is No less in pity than his glory which Brought them to be lamented. Our army shall In solemn show attend this funeral; And then to Rome.--Come, Dolabella, see High order in this great solemnity. [The End.] Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

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William Shakespeare The Winter's Tale Dramatis Personae LEONTES, King of Sicilia MAMILLIUS, his son CAMILLO, Sicilian Lord ANTIGONUS, Sicilian Lord CLEOMENES, Sicilian Lord DION, Sicilian Lord POLIXENES, King of Bohemia FLORIZEL, his son ARCHIDAMUS, a Bohemian Lord An Old Shepherd, reputed father of Perdita CLOWN, his son AUTOLYCUS, a rogue A Mariner Gaoler Servant to the Old Shepherd Other Sicilian Lords Sicilian Gentlemen Officers of a Court of Judicature HERMIONE, Queen to Leontes PERDITA, daughter to Leontes and Hermione PAULINA, wife to Antigonus EMILIA, a lady attending on the Queen MOPSA, shepherdess DORCAS, shepherdess Other Ladies, attending on the Queen Lords, Ladies, and Attendants; Satyrs for a Dance; Shepherds, Shepherdesses, Guards, &c. TIME, as Chorus SCENE: Sometimes in Sicilia; sometimes in Bohemia. ACT I. SCENE I. Sicilia. An Antechamber in LEONTES' Palace. [Enter CAMILLO and ARCHIDAMUS] ARCHIDAMUS. If you shall chance, Camillo, to visit Bohemia, on the like occasion whereon my services are now on foot, you shall see, as I have said, great difference betwixt our Bohemia and your Sicilia. CAMILLO. I think this coming summer the King of Sicilia means to pay Bohemia the visitation which he justly owes him. ARCHIDAMUS. Wherein our entertainment shall shame us we will be justified in our loves; for indeed, - CAMILLO. Beseech you, - ARCHIDAMUS. Verily, I speak it in the freedom of my knowledge: we cannot with such magnificence - in so rare - I know not what to say. - We will give you sleepy drinks, that your senses, unintelligent of our insufficience, may, though they cannot praise us, as little accuse us. CAMILLO. You pay a great deal too dear for what's given freely. ARCHIDAMUS. Believe me, I speak as my understanding instructs me and as mine honesty puts it to utterance. CAMILLO. Sicilia cannot show himself overkind to Bohemia. They were trained together in their childhoods; and there rooted betwixt them then such an affection which cannot choose but branch now. Since their more mature dignities and royal necessities made separation of their society, their encounters, though not personal, have been royally attorneyed with interchange of gifts, letters, loving embassies; that they have seemed to be together, though absent; shook hands, as over a vast; and embraced as it were from the ends of opposed winds. The heavens continue their loves! ARCHIDAMUS. I think there is not in the world either malice or matter to alter it. You have an unspeakable comfort of your young Prince Mamillius: it is a gentleman of the greatest promise that ever came into my note. CAMILLO. I very well agree with you in the hopes of him. It is a gallant child; one that indeed physics the subject, makes old hearts fresh: they that went on crutches ere he was born desire yet their life to see him a man. ARCHIDAMUS. Would they else be content to die? CAMILLO. Yes, if there were no other excuse why they should desire to live. ARCHIDAMUS. If the king had no son, they would desire to live on crutches till he had one. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. The same. A Room of State in the Palace. [Enter LEONTES, POLIXENES, HERMIONE, MAMILLIUS, CAMILLO, and Attendants.] POLIXENES. Nine changes of the watery star hath been The shepherd's note since we have left our throne Without a burden: time as long again Would be fill'd up, my brother, with our thanks; And yet we should, for perpetuity, Go hence in debt: and therefore, like a cipher, Yet standing in rich place, I multiply With one we-thank-you many thousands more That go before it. LEONTES. Stay your thanks a while, And pay them when you part. POLIXENES. Sir, that's to-morrow. I am question'd by my fears, of what may chance Or breed upon our absence; that may blow No sneaping winds at home, to make us say, 'This is put forth too truly.' Besides, I have stay'd To tire your royalty. LEONTES. We are tougher, brother, Than you can put us to't. POLIXENES. No longer stay. LEONTES. One seven-night longer. POLIXENES. Very sooth, to-morrow. LEONTES. We'll part the time between 's then: and in that I'll no gainsaying. POLIXENES. Press me not, beseech you, so, There is no tongue that moves, none, none i' the world, So soon as yours, could win me: so it should now, Were there necessity in your request, although 'Twere needful I denied it. My affairs Do even drag me homeward: which to hinder, Were, in your love a whip to me; my stay To you a charge and trouble: to save both, Farewell, our brother. LEONTES. Tongue-tied, our queen? Speak you. HERMIONE. I had thought, sir, to have held my peace until You had drawn oaths from him not to stay. You, sir, Charge him too coldly. Tell him you are sure All in Bohemia's well: this satisfaction The by-gone day proclaimed: say this to him, He's beat from his best ward. LEONTES. Well said, Hermione. HERMIONE. To tell he longs to see his son were strong: But let him say so then, and let him go; But let him swear so, and he shall not stay, We'll thwack him hence with distaffs. - [To POLIXENES] Yet of your royal presence I'll adventure The borrow of a week. When at Bohemia You take my lord, I'll give him my commission To let him there a month behind the gest Prefix'd for's parting: - yet, good deed, Leontes, I love thee not a jar of the clock behind What lady she her lord. - You'll stay? POLIXENES. No, madam. HERMIONE. Nay, but you will? POLIXENES. I may not, verily. HERMIONE. Verily! You put me off with limber vows; but I, Though you would seek to unsphere the stars with oaths, Should yet say 'Sir, no going.' Verily, You shall not go; a lady's verily is As potent as a lord's. Will go yet? Force me to keep you as a prisoner, Not like a guest: so you shall pay your fees When you depart, and save your thanks. How say you? My prisoner or my guest? by your dread 'verily,' One of them you shall be. POLIXENES. Your guest, then, madam: To be your prisoner should import offending; Which is for me less easy to commit Than you to punish. HERMIONE. Not your gaoler then, But your kind hostess. Come, I'll question you Of my lord's tricks and yours when you were boys. You were pretty lordings then. POLIXENES. We were, fair queen, Two lads that thought there was no more behind But such a day to-morrow as to-day, And to be boy eternal. HERMIONE. Was not my lord the verier wag o' the two? POLIXENES. We were as twinn'd lambs that did frisk i' the sun And bleat the one at th' other. What we chang'd Was innocence for innocence; we knew not The doctrine of ill-doing, nor dream'd That any did. Had we pursu'd that life, And our weak spirits ne'er been higher rear'd With stronger blood, we should have answer'd heaven Boldly 'Not guilty,' the imposition clear'd Hereditary ours. HERMIONE. By this we gather You have tripp'd since. POLIXENES. O my most sacred lady, Temptations have since then been born to 's! for In those unfledg'd days was my wife a girl; Your precious self had then not cross'd the eyes Of my young play-fellow. HERMIONE. Grace to boot! Of this make no conclusion, lest you say Your queen and I are devils: yet, go on; The offences we have made you do we'll answer; If you first sinn'd with us, and that with us You did continue fault, and that you slipp'd not With any but with us. LEONTES. Is he won yet? HERMIONE. He'll stay, my lord. LEONTES. At my request he would not. Hermione, my dearest, thou never spok'st To better purpose. HERMIONE. Never? LEONTES. Never but once. HERMIONE. What! have I twice said well? when was't before? I pr'ythee tell me; cram 's with praise, and make 's As fat as tame things: one good deed dying tongueless Slaughters a thousand waiting upon that. Our praises are our wages; you may ride 's With one soft kiss a thousand furlongs ere With spur we heat an acre. But to the goal: - My last good deed was to entreat his stay; What was my first? it has an elder sister, Or I mistake you: O, would her name were Grace! But once before I spoke to the purpose - when? Nay, let me have't; I long. LEONTES. Why, that was when Three crabbèd months had sour'd themselves to death, Ere I could make thee open thy white hand And clap thyself my love; then didst thou utter 'I am yours for ever.' HERMIONE. It is Grace indeed. Why, lo you now, I have spoke to the purpose twice; The one for ever earn'd a royal husband; Th' other for some while a friend. [Giving her hand to POLIXENES.] LEONTES. [Aside.] Too hot, too hot! To mingle friendship far is mingling bloods. I have tremor cordis on me; - my heart dances; But not for joy, - not joy. - This entertainment May a free face put on; derive a liberty From heartiness, from bounty, fertile bosom, And well become the agent:'t may, I grant: But to be paddling palms and pinching fingers, As now they are; and making practis'd smiles As in a looking-glass; and then to sigh, as 'twere The mort o' the deer: O, that is entertainment My bosom likes not, nor my brows, - Mamillius, Art thou my boy? MAMILLIUS. Ay, my good lord. LEONTES. I' fecks! Why, that's my bawcock. What! hast smutch'd thy nose? - They say it is a copy out of mine. Come, captain, We must be neat; - not neat, but cleanly, captain: And yet the steer, the heifer, and the calf, Are all call'd neat. - [Observing POLIXENES and HERMIONE] Still virginalling Upon his palm? - How now, you wanton calf! Art thou my calf? MAMILLIUS. Yes, if you will, my lord. LEONTES. Thou want'st a rough pash, and the shoots that I have, To be full like me: - yet they say we are Almost as like as eggs; women say so, That will say anything: but were they false As o'er-dy'd blacks, as wind, as waters, - false As dice are to be wish'd by one that fixes No bourn 'twixt his and mine; yet were it true To say this boy were like me. - Come, sir page, Look on me with your welkin eye: sweet villain! Most dear'st! my collop! - Can thy dam? - may't be? Affection! thy intention stabs the centre: Thou dost make possible things not so held, Communicat'st with dreams; - how can this be? - With what's unreal thou co-active art, And fellow'st nothing: then 'tis very credent Thou mayst co-join with something; and thou dost, - And that beyond commission; and I find it, - And that to the infection of my brains And hardening of my brows. POLIXENES. What means Sicilia? HERMIONE. He something seems unsettled. POLIXENES. How! my lord! What cheer? How is't with you, best brother? HERMIONE. You look As if you held a brow of much distraction: Are you mov'd, my lord? LEONTES. No, in good earnest. - How sometimes nature will betray its folly, Its tenderness, and make itself a pastime To harder bosoms! Looking on the lines Of my boy's face, methoughts I did recoil Twenty-three years; and saw myself unbreech'd, In my green velvet coat; my dagger muzzled, Lest it should bite its master, and so prove, As ornaments oft do, too dangerous. How like, methought, I then was to this kernel, This squash, this gentleman. - Mine honest friend, Will you take eggs for money? MAMILLIUS. No, my lord, I'll fight. LEONTES. You will? Why, happy man be 's dole! - My brother, Are you so fond of your young prince as we Do seem to be of ours? POLIXENES. If at home, sir, He's all my exercise, my mirth, my matter: Now my sworn friend, and then mine enemy; My parasite, my soldier, statesman, all: He makes a July's day short as December; And with his varying childness cures in me Thoughts that would thick my blood. LEONTES. So stands this squire Offic'd with me. We two will walk, my lord, And leave you to your graver steps. - Hermione, How thou lov'st us show in our brother's welcome; Let what is dear in Sicily be cheap: Next to thyself and my young rover, he's Apparent to my heart. HERMIONE. If you would seek us, We are yours i' the garden. Shall 's attend you there? LEONTES. To your own bents dispose you: you'll be found, Be you beneath the sky. [Aside] I am angling now. Though you perceive me not how I give line. Go to, go to! [Observing POLIXENES and HERMIONE] How she holds up the neb, the bill to him! And arms her with the boldness of a wife To her allowing husband! [Exeunt POLIXENES, HERMIONE, and Attendants.] Gone already! Inch-thick, knee-deep, o'er head and ears a fork'd one! - Go, play, boy, play: - thy mother plays, and I Play too; but so disgrac'd a part, whose issue Will hiss me to my grave: contempt and clamour Will be my knell. - Go, play, boy, play. - There have been, Or I am much deceiv'd, cuckolds ere now; And many a man there is, even at this present, Now while I speak this, holds his wife by the arm That little thinks she has been sluic'd in his absence, And his pond fish'd by his next neighbour, by Sir Smile, his neighbour; nay, there's comfort in't, Whiles other men have gates, and those gates open'd, As mine, against their will: should all despair That hath revolted wives, the tenth of mankind Would hang themselves. Physic for't there's none; It is a bawdy planet, that will strike Where 'tis predominant; and 'tis powerful, think it, From east, west, north, and south: be it concluded, No barricado for a belly: know't; It will let in and out the enemy With bag and baggage. Many thousand of us Have the disease, and feel't not. - How now, boy! MAMILLIUS. I am like you, they say. LEONTES. Why, that's some comfort. - What! Camillo there? CAMILLO. Ay, my good lord. LEONTES. Go play, Mamillius; thou'rt an honest man. - [Exit MAMILLIUS.] Camillo, this great sir will yet stay longer. CAMILLO. You had much ado to make his anchor hold: When you cast out, it still came home. LEONTES. Didst note it? CAMILLO. He would not stay at your petitions; made His business more material. LEONTES. Didst perceive it? - [Aside.] They're here with me already; whispering, rounding, 'Sicilia is a so-forth.' 'Tis far gone When I shall gust it last. - How came't, Camillo, That he did stay? CAMILLO. At the good queen's entreaty. LEONTES. At the queen's be't: 'good' should be pertinent; But so it is, it is not. Was this taken By any understanding pate but thine? For thy conceit is soaking, will draw in More than the common blocks: - not noted, is't, But of the finer natures? by some severals Of head-piece extraordinary? lower messes Perchance are to this business purblind? say. CAMILLO. Business, my lord! I think most understand Bohemia stays here longer. LEONTES. Ha! CAMILLO. Stays here longer. LEONTES. Ay, but why? CAMILLO. To satisfy your highness, and the entreaties Of our most gracious mistress. LEONTES. Satisfy Th' entreaties of your mistress! - satisfy! - Let that suffice. I have trusted thee, Camillo, With all the nearest things to my heart, as well My chamber-councils, wherein, priest-like, thou Hast cleans'd my bosom; I from thee departed Thy penitent reform'd: but we have been Deceiv'd in thy integrity, deceiv'd In that which seems so. CAMILLO. Be it forbid, my lord! LEONTES. To bide upon't, - thou art not honest; or, If thou inclin'st that way, thou art a coward, Which hoxes honesty behind, restraining From course requir'd; or else thou must be counted A servant grafted in my serious trust, And therein negligent; or else a fool That seest a game play'd home, the rich stake drawn, And tak'st it all for jest. CAMILLO. My gracious lord, I may be negligent, foolish, and fearful; In every one of these no man is free, But that his negligence, his folly, fear, Among the infinite doings of the world, Sometime puts forth: in your affairs, my lord, If ever I were wilful-negligent, It was my folly; if industriously I play'd the fool, it was my negligence, Not weighing well the end; if ever fearful To do a thing, where I the issue doubted, Whereof the execution did cry out Against the non-performance, 'twas a fear Which oft affects the wisest: these, my lord, Are such allow'd infirmities that honesty Is never free of. But, beseech your grace, Be plainer with me; let me know my trespass By its own visage: if I then deny it, 'Tis none of mine. LEONTES. Have not you seen, Camillo, - But that's past doubt: you have, or your eye-glass Is thicker than a cuckold's horn, - or heard, - For, to a vision so apparent, rumour Cannot be mute, - or thought, - for cogitation Resides not in that man that does not think it, - My wife is slippery? If thou wilt confess, - Or else be impudently negative, To have nor eyes nor ears nor thought, - then say My wife's a hobby-horse; deserves a name As rank as any flax-wench that puts to Before her troth-plight: say't and justify't. CAMILLO. I would not be a stander-by to hear My sovereign mistress clouded so, without My present vengeance taken: 'shrew my heart, You never spoke what did become you less Than this; which to reiterate were sin As deep as that, though true. LEONTES. Is whispering nothing? Is leaning cheek to cheek? is meeting noses? Kissing with inside lip? Stopping the career Of laughter with a sigh? - a note infallible Of breaking honesty; - horsing foot on foot? Skulking in corners? wishing clocks more swift; Hours, minutes; noon, midnight? and all eyes Blind with the pin and web but theirs, theirs only, That would unseen be wicked? - is this nothing? Why, then the world and all that's in't is nothing; The covering sky is nothing; Bohemia nothing; My is nothing; nor nothing have these nothings, If this be nothing. CAMILLO. Good my lord, be cur'd Of this diseas'd opinion, and betimes; For 'tis most dangerous. LEONTES. Say it be, 'tis true. CAMILLO. No, no, my lord. LEONTES. It is; you lie, you lie: I say thou liest, Camillo, and I hate thee; Pronounce thee a gross lout, a mindless slave; Or else a hovering temporizer, that Canst with thine eyes at once see good and evil, Inclining to them both. - Were my wife's liver Infected as her life, she would not live The running of one glass. CAMILLO. Who does infect her? LEONTES. Why, he that wears her like her medal, hanging About his neck, Bohemia: who - if I Had servants true about me, that bare eyes To see alike mine honour as their profits, Their own particular thrifts, - they would do that Which should undo more doing: ay, and thou, His cupbearer, - whom I from meaner form Have bench'd and rear'd to worship; who mayst see, Plainly as heaven sees earth and earth sees heaven, How I am galled, - mightst bespice a cup, To give mine enemy a lasting wink; Which draught to me were cordial. CAMILLO. Sir, my lord, I could do this; and that with no rash potion, But with a ling'ring dram, that should not work Maliciously like poison: but I cannot Believe this crack to be in my dread mistress, So sovereignly being honourable. I have lov'd thee, - LEONTES. Make that thy question, and go rot! Dost think I am so muddy, so unsettled, To appoint myself in this vexation; sully The purity and whiteness of my sheets, - Which to preserve is sleep; which being spotted Is goads, thorns, nettles, tails of wasps; Give scandal to the blood o' the prince, my son, - Who I do think is mine, and love as mine, - Without ripe moving to't? - Would I do this? Could man so blench? CAMILLO. I must believe you, sir: I do; and will fetch off Bohemia for't; Provided that, when he's remov'd, your highness Will take again your queen as yours at first, Even for your son's sake; and thereby for sealing The injury of tongues in courts and kingdoms Known and allied to yours. LEONTES. Thou dost advise me Even so as I mine own course have set down: I'll give no blemish to her honour, none. CAMILLO. My lord, Go then; and with a countenance as clear As friendship wears at feasts, keep with Bohemia And with your queen: I am his cupbearer. If from me he have wholesome beverage, Account me not your servant. LEONTES. This is all: Do't, and thou hast the one-half of my heart; Do't not, thou splitt'st thine own. CAMILLO. I'll do't, my lord. LEONTES. I will seem friendly, as thou hast advis'd me. [Exit.] CAMILLO. O miserable lady! - But, for me, What case stand I in? I must be the poisoner Of good Polixenes: and my ground to do't Is the obedience to a master; one Who, in rebellion with himself, will have All that are his so too. - To do this deed, Promotion follows: if I could find example Of thousands that had struck anointed kings And flourish'd after, I'd not do't; but since Nor brass, nor stone, nor parchment, bears not one, Let villainy itself forswear't. I must Forsake the court: to do't, or no, is certain To me a break-neck. Happy star reign now! Here comes Bohemia. [Enter POLIXENES.] POLIXENES. This is strange! methinks My favour here begins to warp. Not speak? - Good-day, Camillo. CAMILLO. Hail, most royal sir! POLIXENES. What is the news i' the court? CAMILLO. None rare, my lord. POLIXENES. The king hath on him such a countenance As he had lost some province, and a region Lov'd as he loves himself; even now I met him With customary compliment; when he, Wafting his eyes to the contrary, and falling A lip of much contempt, speeds from me; So leaves me to consider what is breeding That changes thus his manners. CAMILLO. I dare not know, my lord. POLIXENES. How! dare not! do not. Do you know, and dare not Be intelligent to me? 'Tis thereabouts; For, to yourself, what you do know, you must, And cannot say, you dare not. Good Camillo, Your chang'd complexions are to me a mirror Which shows me mine chang'd too; for I must be A party in this alteration, finding Myself thus alter'd with't. CAMILLO. There is a sickness Which puts some of us in distemper; but I cannot name the disease; and it is caught Of you that yet are well. POLIXENES. How! caught of me! Make me not sighted like the basilisk: I have look'd on thousands who have sped the better By my regard, but kill'd none so. Camillo, - As you are certainly a gentleman, thereto Clerk-like, experienc'd, which no less adorns Our gentry than our parents' noble names, In whose success we are gentle, - I beseech you, If you know aught which does behove my knowledge Thereof to be inform'd, imprison't not In ignorant concealment. CAMILLO. I may not answer. POLIXENES. A sickness caught of me, and yet I well! I must be answer'd. - Dost thou hear, Camillo, I conjure thee, by all the parts of man Which honour does acknowledge, - whereof the least Is not this suit of mine, - that thou declare What incidency thou dost guess of harm Is creeping toward me; how far off, how near; Which way to be prevented, if to be; If not, how best to bear it. CAMILLO. Sir, I will tell you; Since I am charg'd in honour, and by him That I think honourable: therefore mark my counsel, Which must be ev'n as swiftly follow'd as I mean to utter it, or both yourself and me Cry lost, and so goodnight! POLIXENES. On, good Camillo. CAMILLO. I am appointed him to murder you. POLIXENES. By whom, Camillo? CAMILLO. By the king. POLIXENES. For what? CAMILLO. He thinks, nay, with all confidence he swears, As he had seen't or been an instrument To vice you to't, that you have touch'd his queen Forbiddenly. POLIXENES. O, then my best blood turn To an infected jelly, and my name Be yok'd with his that did betray the best! Turn then my freshest reputation to A savour that may strike the dullest nostril Where I arrive, and my approach be shunn'd, Nay, hated too, worse than the great'st infection That e'er was heard or read! CAMILLO. Swear his thought over By each particular star in heaven and By all their influences, you may as well Forbid the sea for to obey the moon As, or by oath remove, or counsel shake The fabric of his folly, whose foundation Is pil'd upon his faith, and will continue The standing of his body. POLIXENES. How should this grow? CAMILLO. I know not: but I am sure 'tis safer to Avoid what's grown than question how 'tis born. If, therefore you dare trust my honesty, - That lies enclosèd in this trunk, which you Shall bear along impawn'd, - away to-night. Your followers I will whisper to the business; And will, by twos and threes, at several posterns, Clear them o' the city: for myself, I'll put My fortunes to your service, which are here By this discovery lost. Be not uncertain; For, by the honour of my parents, I Have utter'd truth: which if you seek to prove, I dare not stand by; nor shall you be safer Than one condemn'd by the king's own mouth, thereon His execution sworn. POLIXENES. I do believe thee; I saw his heart in his face. Give me thy hand; Be pilot to me, and thy places shall Still neighbour mine. My ships are ready, and My people did expect my hence departure Two days ago. - This jealousy Is for a precious creature: as she's rare, Must it be great; and, as his person's mighty, Must it be violent; and as he does conceive He is dishonour'd by a man which ever Profess'd to him, why, his revenges must In that be made more bitter. Fear o'ershades me; Good expedition be my friend, and comfort The gracious queen, part of this theme, but nothing Of his ill-ta'en suspicion! Come, Camillo; I will respect thee as a father, if Thou bear'st my life off hence: let us avoid. CAMILLO. It is in mine authority to command The keys of all the posterns: please your highness To take the urgent hour: come, sir, away. [Exeunt.] ACT II. SCENE I. Sicilia. A Room in the Palace. [Enter HERMIONE, MAMILLIUS, and Ladies.] HERMIONE. Take the boy to you: he so troubles me, 'Tis past enduring. FIRST LADY. Come, my gracious lord, Shall I be your playfellow? MAMILLIUS. No, I'll none of you. FIRST LADY. Why, my sweet lord? MAMILLIUS. You'll kiss me hard, and speak to me as if I were a baby still. - [To Second Lady.] I love you better. SECOND LADY. And why so, my lord? MAMILLIUS. Not for because Your brows are blacker; yet black brows, they say, Become some women best; so that there be not Too much hair there, but in a semicircle Or a half-moon made with a pen. SECOND LADY. Who taught you this? MAMILLIUS. I learn'd it out of women's faces. - Pray now, What colour are your eyebrows? FIRST LADY. Blue, my lord. MAMILLIUS. Nay, that's a mock: I have seen a lady's nose That has been blue, but not her eyebrows. FIRST LADY. Hark ye: The queen your mother rounds apace. We shall Present our services to a fine new prince One of these days; and then you'd wanton with us, If we would have you. SECOND LADY. She is spread of late Into a goodly bulk: good time encounter her! HERMIONE. What wisdom stirs amongst you? Come, sir, now I am for you again: pray you sit by us, And tell 's a tale. MAMILLIUS. Merry or sad shall't be? HERMIONE. As merry as you will. MAMILLIUS. A sad tale's best for winter. I have one Of sprites and goblins. HERMIONE. Let's have that, good sir. Come on, sit down; - come on, and do your best To fright me with your sprites: you're powerful at it. MAMILLIUS. There was a man, - HERMIONE. Nay, come, sit down: then on. MAMILLIUS. Dwelt by a churchyard: - I will tell it softly; Yond crickets shall not hear it. HERMIONE. Come on then, And give't me in mine ear. [Enter LEONTES, ANTIGONUS, Lords, and Guards.] LEONTES. Was he met there? his train? Camillo with him? FIRST LORD. Behind the tuft of pines I met them; never Saw I men scour so on their way: I ey'd them Even to their ships. LEONTES. How bles'd am I In my just censure, in my true opinion! - Alack, for lesser knowledge! - How accurs'd In being so blest! - There may be in the cup A spider steep'd, and one may drink, depart, And yet partake no venom; for his knowledge Is not infected; but if one present The abhorr'd ingredient to his eye, make known How he hath drunk, he cracks his gorge, his sides, With violent hefts; - I have drunk, and seen the spider. Camillo was his help in this, his pander: - There is a plot against my life, my crown; All's true that is mistrusted: - that false villain Whom I employ'd, was pre-employ'd by him: He has discover'd my design, and I Remain a pinch'd thing; yea, a very trick For them to play at will. - How came the posterns So easily open? FIRST LORD. By his great authority; Which often hath no less prevail'd than so, On your command. LEONTES. I know't too well. - Give me the boy: - I am glad you did not nurse him: Though he does bear some signs of me, yet you Have too much blood in him. HERMIONE. What is this? sport? LEONTES. Bear the boy hence; he shall not come about her; Away with him! - and let her sport herself With that she's big with; - for 'tis Polixenes Has made thee swell thus. [Exit MAMILLIUS, with some of the Guards.] HERMIONE. But I'd say he had not, And I'll be sworn you would believe my saying, Howe'er you learn the nayward. LEONTES. You, my lords, Look on her, mark her well; be but about To say, 'she is a goodly lady' and The justice of your hearts will thereto add, ''Tis pity she's not honest, honourable': Praise her but for this her without-door form, - Which, on my faith, deserves high speech, - and straight The shrug, the hum or ha, - these petty brands That calumny doth use: - O, I am out, That mercy does; for calumny will sear Virtue itself: - these shrugs, these hum's, and ha's, When you have said 'she's goodly,' come between, Ere you can say 'she's honest': but be it known, From him that has most cause to grieve it should be, She's an adultress! HERMIONE. Should a villain say so, The most replenish'd villain in the world, He were as much more villain: you, my lord, Do but mistake. LEONTES. You have mistook, my lady, Polixenes for Leontes: O thou thing, Which I'll not call a creature of thy place, Lest barbarism, making me the precedent, Should a like language use to all degrees, And mannerly distinguishment leave out Betwixt the prince and beggar! - I have said, She's an adultress; I have said with whom: More, she's a traitor; and Camillo is A federary with her; and one that knows What she should shame to know herself But with her most vile principal, that she's A bed-swerver, even as bad as those That vulgars give boldest titles; ay, and privy To this their late escape. HERMIONE. No, by my life, Privy to none of this. How will this grieve you, When you shall come to clearer knowledge, that You thus have publish'd me! Gentle my lord, You scarce can right me throughly then, to say You did mistake. LEONTES. No; if I mistake In those foundations which I build upon, The centre is not big enough to bear A school-boy's top. - Away with her to prison! He who shall speak for her is afar off guilty But that he speaks. HERMIONE. There's some ill planet reigns: I must be patient till the heavens look With an aspéct more favourable. - Good my lords, I am not prone to weeping, as our sex Commonly are; the want of which vain dew Perchance shall dry your pities; but I have That honourable grief lodg'd here, which burns Worse than tears drown: beseech you all, my lords, With thoughts so qualified as your charities Shall best instruct you, measure me; - and so The king's will be perform'd! LEONTES. [To the GUARD.] Shall I be heard? HERMIONE. Who is't that goes with me? - Beseech your highness My women may be with me; for, you see, My plight requires it. - Do not weep, good fools; There is no cause: when you shall know your mistress Has deserv'd prison, then abound in tears As I come out: this action I now go on Is for my better grace. - Adieu, my lord: I never wish'd to see you sorry; now I trust I shall. - My women, come; you have leave. LEONTES. Go, do our bidding; hence! [Exeunt QUEEN and Ladies, with Guards.] FIRST LORD. Beseech your highness, call the queen again. ANTIGONUS. Be certain what you do, sir, lest your justice Prove violence, in the which three great ones suffer, Yourself, your queen, your son. FIRST LORD. For her, my lord, - I dare my life lay down, - and will do't, sir, Please you to accept it, - that the queen is spotless I' the eyes of heaven and to you; I mean In this which you accuse her. ANTIGONUS. If it prove She's otherwise, I'll keep my stables where I lodge my wife; I'll go in couples with her; Than when I feel and see her no further trust her; For every inch of woman in the world, Ay, every dram of woman's flesh, is false, If she be. LEONTES. Hold your peaces. FIRST LORD. Good my lord, - ANTIGONUS. It is for you we speak, not for ourselves: You are abus'd, and by some putter-on That will be damn'd for't: would I knew the villain, I would land-damn him. Be she honour-flaw'd, - I have three daughters; the eldest is eleven; The second and the third, nine and some five; If this prove true, they'll pay for't. By mine honour, I'll geld 'em all: fourteen they shall not see, To bring false generations: they are co-heirs; And I had rather glib myself than they Should not produce fair issue. LEONTES. Cease; no more. You smell this business with a sense as cold As is a dead man's nose: but I do see't and feel't As you feel doing thus; and see withal The instruments that feel. ANTIGONUS. If it be so, We need no grave to bury honesty; There's not a grain of it the face to sweeten Of the whole dungy earth. LEONTES. What! Lack I credit? FIRST LORD. I had rather you did lack than I, my lord, Upon this ground: and more it would content me To have her honour true than your suspicion; Be blam'd for't how you might. LEONTES. Why, what need we Commune with you of this, but rather follow Our forceful instigation? Our prerogative Calls not your counsels; but our natural goodness Imparts this; which, if you, - or stupified Or seeming so in skill, - cannot or will not Relish a truth, like us, inform yourselves We need no more of your advice: the matter, The loss, the gain, the ord'ring on't, is all Properly ours. ANTIGONUS. And I wish, my liege, You had only in your silent judgment tried it, Without more overture. LEONTES. How could that be? Either thou art most ignorant by age, Or thou wert born a fool. Camillo's flight, Added to their familiarity, - Which was as gross as ever touch'd conjecture, That lack'd sight only, nought for approbation, But only seeing, all other circumstances Made up to th' deed, - doth push on this proceeding. Yet, for a greater confirmation, - For, in an act of this importance, 'twere Most piteous to be wild, - I have despatch'd in post To sacred Delphos, to Apollo's temple, Cleomenes and Dion, whom you know Of stuff'd sufficiency: now, from the oracle They will bring all, whose spiritual counsel had, Shall stop or spur me. Have I done well? FIRST LORD. Well done, my lord, - LEONTES. Though I am satisfied, and need no more Than what I know, yet shall the oracle Give rest to the minds of others such as he Whose ignorant credulity will not Come up to th' truth: so have we thought it good From our free person she should be confin'd; Lest that the treachery of the two fled hence Be left her to perform. Come, follow us; We are to speak in public; for this business Will raise us all. ANTIGONUS. [Aside.] To laughter, as I take it, If the good truth were known. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. The same. The outer Room of a Prison. [Enter PAULINA and Attendants.] PAULINA. The keeper of the prison, - call to him; Let him have knowledge who I am. [Exit an Attendant.] Good lady! No court in Europe is too good for thee; What dost thou then in prison? [Re-enter Attendant, with the Keeper.] Now, good sir, You know me, do you not? KEEPER. For a worthy lady, And one who much I honour. PAULINA. Pray you, then, Conduct me to the queen. KEEPER. I may not, madam; To the contrary I have express commandment. PAULINA. Here's ado, to lock up honesty and honour from The access of gentle visitors! - Is't lawful, Pray you, to see her women? any of them? Emilia? KEEPER. So please you, madam, to put Apart these your attendants, I Shall bring Emilia forth. PAULINA. I pray now, call her. Withdraw yourselves. [Exeunt ATTENDANTS.] KEEPER. And, madam, I must be present at your conference. PAULINA. Well, be't so, pr'ythee. [Exit KEEPER.] Here's such ado to make no stain a stain As passes colouring. [Re-enter KEEPER, with EMILIA.] Dear gentlewoman, how fares our gracious lady? EMILIA. As well as one so great and so forlorn May hold together: on her frights and griefs, - Which never tender lady hath borne greater, - She is, something before her time, deliver'd. PAULINA. A boy? EMILIA. A daughter; and a goodly babe, Lusty, and like to live: the queen receives Much comfort in't; says 'My poor prisoner, I am as innocent as you.' PAULINA. I dare be sworn; - These dangerous unsafe lunes i' the king, beshrew them! He must be told on't, and he shall: the office Becomes a woman best; I'll take't upon me; If I prove honey-mouth'd, let my tongue blister; And never to my red-look'd anger be The trumpet any more. - Pray you, Emilia, Commend my best obedience to the queen; If she dares trust me with her little babe, I'll show't the king, and undertake to be Her advocate to th' loud'st. We do not know How he may soften at the sight o' the child: The silence often of pure innocence Persuades, when speaking fails. EMILIA. Most worthy madam, Your honour and your goodness is so evident, That your free undertaking cannot miss A thriving issue: there is no lady living So meet for this great errand. Please your ladyship To visit the next room, I'll presently Acquaint the queen of your most noble offer; Who but to-day hammer'd of this design, But durst not tempt a minister of honour, Lest she should be denied. PAULINA. Tell her, Emilia, I'll use that tongue I have: if wit flow from it As boldness from my bosom, let't not be doubted I shall do good. EMILIA. Now be you bless'd for it! I'll to the queen: please you come something nearer. KEEPER. Madam, if't please the queen to send the babe, I know not what I shall incur to pass it, Having no warrant. PAULINA. You need not fear it, sir: This child was prisoner to the womb, and is, By law and process of great nature thence Freed and enfranchis'd: not a party to The anger of the king, nor guilty of, If any be, the trespass of the queen. KEEPER. I do believe it. PAULINA. Do not you fear: upon mine honour, I Will stand betwixt you and danger. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. The same. A Room in the Palace. [Enter LEONTES, ANTIGONUS, Lords, and other Attendants.] LEONTES. Nor night nor day no rest: it is but weakness To bear the matter thus, - mere weakness. If The cause were not in being, - part o' the cause, She the adultress; for the harlot king Is quite beyond mine arm, out of the blank And level of my brain, plot-proof; but she I can hook to me: - say that she were gone, Given to the fire, a moiety of my rest Might come to me again. - Who's there? FIRST ATTENDANT. My lord? LEONTES. How does the boy? FIRST ATTENDANT. He took good rest to-night; 'Tis hop'd his sickness is discharg'd. LEONTES. To see his nobleness! Conceiving the dishonour of his mother, He straight declin'd, droop'd, took it deeply, Fasten'd and fix'd the shame on't in himself, Threw off his spirit, his appetite, his sleep, And downright languish'd. - Leave me solely: - go, See how he fares. - [Exit FIRST ATTENDANT.] Fie, fie! no thought of him; The very thought of my revenges that way Recoil upon me: in himself too mighty, And in his parties, his alliance, - let him be, Until a time may serve: for present vengeance, Take it on her. Camillo and Polixenes Laugh at me; make their pastime at my sorrow: They should not laugh if I could reach them; nor Shall she within my power. [Enter PAULINA, with a Child.] FIRST LORD. You must not enter. PAULINA. Nay, rather, good my lords, be second to me: Fear you his tyrannous passion more, alas, Than the queen's life? a gracious innocent soul, More free than he is jealous. ANTIGONUS. That's enough. SECOND ATTENDANT. Madam, he hath not slept to-night; commanded None should come at him. PAULINA. Not so hot, good sir; I come to bring him sleep. 'Tis such as you, - That creep like shadows by him, and do sigh At each his needless heavings, - such as you Nourish the cause of his awaking: I Do come, with words as med'cinal as true, Honest as either, to purge him of that humour That presses him from sleep. LEONTES. What noise there, ho? PAULINA. No noise, my lord; but needful conference About some gossips for your highness. LEONTES. How! - Away with that audacious lady! - Antigonus, I charg'd thee that she should not come about me: I knew she would. ANTIGONUS. I told her so, my lord, On your displeasure's peril, and on mine, She should not visit you. LEONTES. What, canst not rule her? PAULINA. From all dishonesty he can: in this, - Unless he take the course that you have done, Commit me for committing honour, - trust it, He shall not rule me. ANTIGONUS. La you now, you hear When she will take the rein, I let her run; But she'll not stumble. PAULINA. Good my liege, I come, - And, I beseech you, hear me, who professes Myself your loyal servant, your physician, Your most obedient counsellor: yet that dares Less appear so, in comforting your evils, Than such as most seem yours: - I say I come From your good queen. LEONTES. Good queen! PAULINA. Good queen, my lord, Good queen: I say, good queen; And would by combat make her good, so were I A man, the worst about you. LEONTES. Force her hence! PAULINA. Let him that makes but trifles of his eyes First hand me: on mine own accord I'll off; But first I'll do my errand - The good queen, For she is good, hath brought you forth a daughter; Here 'tis; commends it to your blessing. [Laying down the child.] LEONTES. Out! A mankind witch! Hence with her, out o' door: A most intelligencing bawd! PAULINA. Not so: I am as ignorant in that as you In so entitling me; and no less honest Than you are mad; which is enough, I'll warrant, As this world goes, to pass for honest. LEONTES. Traitors! Will you not push her out? Give her the bastard: - Thou dotard! [To ANTIGONUS] Thou art woman-tir'd, unroosted By thy Dame Partlet here: - take up the bastard; Take't up, I say; give't to thy crone. PAULINA. For ever Unvenerable be thy hands, if thou Tak'st up the princess by that forced baseness Which he has put upon't! LEONTES. He dreads his wife. PAULINA. So I would you did; then 'twere past all doubt You'd call your children yours. LEONTES. A nest of traitors? ANTIGONUS. I am none, by this good light. PAULINA. Nor I; nor any, But one that's here; and that's himself: for he The sacred honour of himself, his queen's, His hopeful son's, his babe's, betrays to slander, Whose sting is sharper than the sword's; and will not, - For, as the case now stands, it is a curse He cannot be compell'd to't, - once remove The root of his opinion, which is rotten As ever oak or stone was sound. LEONTES. A callat Of boundless tongue, who late hath beat her husband, And now baits me! - This brat is none of mine; It is the issue of Polixenes: Hence with it! and together with the dam, Commit them to the fire. PAULINA. It is yours! And, might we lay the old proverb to your charge, So like you 'tis the worse. - Behold, my lords, Although the print be little, the whole matter And copy of the father, - eye, nose, lip, The trick of his frown, his forehead; nay, the valley, The pretty dimples of his chin and cheek; his smiles; The very mould and frame of hand, nail, finger: - And thou, good goddess Nature, which hast made it So like to him that got it, if thou hast The ordering of the mind too, 'mongst all colours No yellow in't, lest she suspect, as he does, Her children not her husband's! LEONTES. A gross hag! And, losel, thou art worthy to be hang'd That wilt not stay her tongue. ANTIGONUS. Hang all the husbands That cannot do that feat, you'll leave yourself Hardly one subject. LEONTES. Once more, take her hence. PAULINA. A most unworthy and unnatural lord Can do no more. LEONTES. I'll have thee burn'd. PAULINA. I care not. It is an heretic that makes the fire, Not she which burns in't. I'll not call you tyrant But this most cruel usage of your queen, - Not able to produce more accusation Than your own weak-hing'd fancy, - something savours Of tyranny, and will ignoble make you, Yea, scandalous to the world. LEONTES. On your allegiance, Out of the chamber with her! Were I a tyrant, Where were her life? She durst not call me so, If she did know me one. Away with her! PAULINA. I pray you, do not push me; I'll be gone. - Look to your babe, my lord; 'tis yours: Jove send her A better guiding spirit! - What needs these hands? You that are thus so tender o'er his follies, Will never do him good, not one of you. So, so: - farewell; we are gone. [Exit.] LEONTES. Thou, traitor, hast set on thy wife to this. My child? - away with't. - even thou, that hast A heart so tender o'er it, take it hence, And see it instantly consum'd with fire; Even thou, and none but thou. Take it up straight: Within this hour bring me word 'tis done, - And by good testimony, - or I'll seize thy life, With that thou else call'st thine. If thou refuse, And wilt encounter with my wrath, say so; The bastard-brains with these my proper hands Shall I dash out. Go, take it to the fire; For thou set'st on thy wife. ANTIGONUS. I did not, sir: These lords, my noble fellows, if they please, Can clear me in't. LORDS. We can: - my royal liege, He is not guilty of her coming hither. LEONTES. You're liars all. FIRST LORD. Beseech your highness, give us better credit: We have always truly serv'd you; and beseech So to esteem of us: and on our knees we beg, - As recompense of our dear services, Past and to come, - that you do change this purpose, Which, being so horrible, so bloody, must Lead on to some foul issue: we all kneel. LEONTES. I am a feather for each wind that blows: - Shall I live on, to see this bastard kneel And call me father? better burn it now, Than curse it then. But, be it; let it live: - It shall not neither. - [To ANTIGONUS.] You, sir, come you hither: You that have been so tenderly officious With Lady Margery, your midwife, there, To save this bastard's life, - for 'tis a bastard, So sure as this beard's grey, - what will you adventure To save this brat's life? ANTIGONUS. Anything, my lord, That my ability may undergo, And nobleness impose: at least, thus much; I'll pawn the little blood which I have left To save the innocent: - anything possible. LEONTES. It shall be possible. Swear by this sword Thou wilt perform my bidding. ANTIGONUS. I will, my lord. LEONTES. Mark, and perform it, - seest thou? for the fail Of any point in't shall not only be Death to thyself, but to thy lewd-tongu'd wife, Whom for this time we pardon. We enjoin thee, As thou art liegeman to us, that thou carry This female bastard hence; and that thou bear it To some remote and desert place, quite out Of our dominions; and that there thou leave it, Without more mercy, to it own protection And favour of the climate. As by strange fortune It came to us, I do in justice charge thee, On thy soul's peril and thy body's torture, That thou commend it strangely to some place Where chance may nurse or end it. Take it up. ANTIGONUS. I swear to do this, though a present death Had been more merciful. - Come on, poor babe: Some powerful spirit instruct the kites and ravens To be thy nurses! Wolves and bears, they say, Casting their savageness aside, have done Like offices of pity. - Sir, be prosperous In more than this deed does require! - and blessing, Against this cruelty, fight on thy side, Poor thing, condemn'd to loss! [Exit with the child.] LEONTES. No, I'll not rear Another's issue. SECOND ATTENDANT. Please your highness, posts From those you sent to the oracle are come An hour since: Cleomenes and Dion, Being well arriv'd from Delphos, are both landed, Hasting to the court. FIRST LORD. So please you, sir, their speed Hath been beyond account. LEONTES. Twenty-three days They have been absent: 'tis good speed; foretells The great Apollo suddenly will have The truth of this appear. Prepare you, lords; Summon a session, that we may arraign Our most disloyal lady; for, as she hath Been publicly accus'd, so shall she have A just and open trial. While she lives, My heart will be a burden to me. Leave me; And think upon my bidding. [Exeunt.] ACT III. SCENE I. Sicilia. A Street in some Town. [Enter CLEOMENES and DION.] CLEOMENES. The climate's delicate; the air most sweet; Fertile the isle; the temple much surpassing The common praise it bears. DION. I shall report, For most it caught me, the celestial habits, - Methinks I so should term them, - and the reverence Of the grave wearers. O, the sacrifice! How ceremonious, solemn, and unearthly, It was i' the offering! CLEOMENES. But of all, the burst And the ear-deaf'ning voice o' the oracle, Kin to Jove's thunder, so surprised my sense That I was nothing. DION. If the event o' the journey Prove as successful to the queen, - O, be't so! - As it hath been to us rare, pleasant, speedy, The time is worth the use on't. CLEOMENES. Great Apollo Turn all to th' best! These proclamations, So forcing faults upon Hermione, I little like. DION. The violent carriage of it Will clear or end the business: when the oracle, - Thus by Apollo's great divine seal'd up, - Shall the contents discover, something rare Even then will rush to knowledge. - Go, - fresh horses; - And gracious be the issue! [Exeunt.] SCENE II. The same. A Court of Justice [Enter LEONTES, Lords, and Officers appear, properly seated.] LEONTES. This sessions, - to our great grief we pronounce, - Even pushes 'gainst our heart; - the party tried, The daughter of a king, our wife; and one Of us too much belov'd. Let us be clear'd Of being tyrannous, since we so openly Proceed in justice; which shall have due course, Even to the guilt or the purgation. - Produce the prisoner. OFFICER. It is his highness' pleasure that the queen Appear in person here in court. - CRIER. Silence! [HERMIONE, is brought in guarded; PAULINA, and Ladies attending.] LEONTES. Read the indictment. OFFICER. [Reads.] 'Hermione, queen to the worthy Leontes, king of Sicilia, thou art here accused and arraigned of high treason, in committing adultery with Polixenes, king of Bohemia; and conspiring with Camillo to take away the life of our sovereign lord the king, thy royal husband: the pretence whereof being by circumstances partly laid open, thou, Hermione, contrary to the faith and allegiance of true subject, didst counsel and aid them, for their better safety, to fly away by night.' HERMIONE. Since what I am to say must be but that Which contradicts my accusation, and The testimony on my part no other But what comes from myself, it shall scarce boot me To say 'Not guilty': mine integrity, Being counted falsehood, shall, as I express it, Be so receiv'd. But thus, - if powers divine Behold our human actions, - as they do, - I doubt not, then, but innocence shall make False accusation blush, and tyranny Tremble at patience. - You, my lord, best know, - Who least will seem to do so, - my past life Hath been as continent, as chaste, as true, As I am now unhappy: which is more Than history can pattern, though devis'd And play'd to take spectators; for behold me, - A fellow of the royal bed, which owe A moiety of the throne, a great king's daughter, The mother to a hopeful prince, - here standing To prate and talk for life and honour 'fore Who please to come and hear. For life, I prize it As I weigh grief, which I would spare: for honour, 'Tis a derivative from me to mine, And only that I stand for. I appeal To your own conscience, sir, before Polixenes Came to your court, how I was in your grace, How merited to be so; since he came, With what encounter so uncurrent I Have strain'd t' appear thus: if one jot beyond The bound of honour, or in act or will That way inclining, harden'd be the hearts Of all that hear me, and my near'st of kin Cry fie upon my grave! LEONTES. I ne'er heard yet That any of these bolder vices wanted Less impudence to gainsay what they did Than to perform it first. HERMIONE. That's true enough; Though 'tis a saying, sir, not due to me. LEONTES. You will not own it. HERMIONE. More than mistress of Which comes to me in name of fault, I must not At all acknowledge. For Polixenes, - With whom I am accus'd, - I do confess I lov'd him, as in honour he requir'd; With such a kind of love as might become A lady like me; with a love even such, So and no other, as yourself commanded: Which not to have done, I think had been in me Both disobedience and ingratitude To you and toward your friend; whose love had spoke, Ever since it could speak, from an infant, freely, That it was yours. Now for conspiracy, I know not how it tastes; though it be dish'd For me to try how: all I know of it Is that Camillo was an honest man; And why he left your court, the gods themselves, Wotting no more than I, are ignorant. LEONTES. You knew of his departure, as you know What you have underta'en to do in 's absence. HERMIONE. Sir, You speak a language that I understand not: My life stands in the level of your dreams, Which I'll lay down. LEONTES. Your actions are my dreams; You had a bastard by Polixenes, And I but dream'd it: - as you were past all shame, - Those of your fact are so, - so past all truth: Which to deny concerns more than avails; for as Thy brat hath been cast out, like to itself, No father owning it, - which is, indeed, More criminal in thee than it, - so thou Shalt feel our justice; in whose easiest passage Look for no less than death. HERMIONE. Sir, spare your threats: The bug which you would fright me with, I seek. To me can life be no commodity: The crown and comfort of my life, your favour, I do give lost; for I do feel it gone, But know not how it went: my second joy, And first-fruits of my body, from his presence I am barr'd, like one infectious: my third comfort, Starr'd most unluckily, is from my breast, - The innocent milk in its most innocent mouth, - Hal'd out to murder: myself on every post Proclaim'd a strumpet; with immodest hatred The child-bed privilege denied, which 'longs To women of all fashion; lastly, hurried Here to this place, i' the open air, before I have got strength of limit. Now, my liege, Tell me what blessings I have here alive, That I should fear to die. Therefore proceed. But yet hear this; mistake me not; - no life, - I prize it not a straw, - but for mine honour (Which I would free), if I shall be condemn'd Upon surmises - all proofs sleeping else, But what your jealousies awake - I tell you 'Tis rigour, and not law. - Your honours all, I do refer me to the oracle: Apollo be my judge! FIRST LORD. This your request Is altogether just: therefore, bring forth, And in Apollo's name, his oracle: [Exeunt certain Officers.] HERMIONE. The Emperor of Russia was my father; O that he were alive, and here beholding His daughter's trial! that he did but see The flatness of my misery; yet with eyes Of pity, not revenge! [Re-enter OFFICERS, with CLEOMENES and DION.] OFFICER. You here shall swear upon this sword of justice, That you, Cleomenes and Dion, have Been both at Delphos, and from thence have brought This seal'd-up oracle, by the hand deliver'd Of great Apollo's priest; and that since then, You have not dar'd to break the holy seal, Nor read the secrets in't. CLEOMENES, DION. All this we swear. LEONTES. Break up the seals and read. OFFICER. [Reads.] 'Hermione is chaste; Polixenes blameless; Camillo a true subject; Leontes a jealous tyrant; his innocent babe truly begotten; and the king shall live without an heir, if that which is lost be not found.' LORDS. Now blessed be the great Apollo! HERMIONE. Praised! LEONTES. Hast thou read truth? OFFICER. Ay, my lord; even so As it is here set down. LEONTES. There is no truth at all i' the oracle: The sessions shall proceed: this is mere falsehood! [Enter a Servant hastily.] SERVANT. My lord the king, the king! LEONTES. What is the business? SERVANT. O sir, I shall be hated to report it: The prince your son, with mere conceit and fear Of the queen's speed, is gone. LEONTES. How! gone? SERVANT. Is dead. LEONTES. Apollo's angry; and the heavens themselves Do strike at my injustice. [HERMIONE faints.] How now there! PAULINA. This news is mortal to the queen: - Look down And see what death is doing. LEONTES. Take her hence: Her heart is but o'ercharg'd; she will recover. - I have too much believ'd mine own suspicion: - Beseech you tenderly apply to her Some remedies for life. - [Exeunt PAULINA and Ladies with HERMIONE.] Apollo, pardon My great profaneness 'gainst thine oracle! - I'll reconcile me to Polixenes; New woo my queen; recall the good Camillo - Whom I proclaim a man of truth, of mercy; For, being transported by my jealousies To bloody thoughts and to revenge, I chose Camillo for the minister to poison My friend Polixenes: which had been done, But that the good mind of Camillo tardied My swift command, though I with death and with Reward did threaten and encourage him, Not doing it and being done: he, most humane, And fill'd with honour, to my kingly guest Unclasp'd my practice; quit his fortunes here, Which you knew great; and to the certain hazard Of all incertainties himself commended, No richer than his honour: - how he glisters Thorough my rust! And how his piety Does my deeds make the blacker! [Re-enter PAULINA.] PAULINA. Woe the while! O, cut my lace, lest my heart, cracking it, Break too! FIRST LORD. What fit is this, good lady? PAULINA. What studied torments, tyrant, hast for me? What wheels? racks? fires? what flaying? boiling In leads or oils? what old or newer torture Must I receive, whose every word deserves To taste of thy most worst? Thy tyranny Together working with thy jealousies, - Fancies too weak for boys, too green and idle For girls of nine, - O, think what they have done, And then run mad indeed, - stark mad! for all Thy by-gone fooleries were but spices of it. That thou betray'dst Polixenes, 'twas nothing; That did but show thee, of a fool, inconstant, And damnable ingrateful; nor was't much Thou wouldst have poison'd good Camillo's honour, To have him kill a king; poor trespasses, - More monstrous standing by: whereof I reckon The casting forth to crows thy baby daughter, To be or none or little, though a devil Would have shed water out of fire ere done't; Nor is't directly laid to thee, the death Of the young prince, whose honourable thoughts, - Thoughts high for one so tender, - cleft the heart That could conceive a gross and foolish sire Blemish'd his gracious dam: this is not, - no, Laid to thy answer: but the last, - O lords, When I have said, cry Woe! - the queen, the queen, The sweetest, dearest creature's dead; and vengeance for't Not dropp'd down yet. FIRST LORD. The higher powers forbid! PAULINA. I say she's dead: I'll swear't. If word nor oath Prevail not, go and see: if you can bring Tincture, or lustre, in her lip, her eye, Heat outwardly or breath within, I'll serve you As I would do the gods. - But, O thou tyrant! Do not repent these things; for they are heavier Than all thy woes can stir; therefore betake thee To nothing but despair. A thousand knees Ten thousand years together, naked, fasting, Upon a barren mountain, and still winter In storm perpetual, could not move the gods To look that way thou wert. LEONTES. Go on, go on: Thou canst not speak too much; I have deserv'd All tongues to talk their bitterest! FIRST LORD. Say no more: Howe'er the business goes, you have made fault I' the boldness of your speech. PAULINA. I am sorry for't: All faults I make, when I shall come to know them, I do repent. Alas, I have show'd too much The rashness of a woman: he is touch'd To th' noble heart - What's gone and what's past help, Should be past grief: do not receive affliction At my petition; I beseech you, rather Let me be punish'd, that have minded you Of what you should forget. Now, good my liege, Sir, royal sir, forgive a foolish woman: The love I bore your queen, - lo, fool again! - I'll speak of her no more, nor of your children; I'll not remember you of my own lord, Who is lost too: take your patience to you, And I'll say nothing. LEONTES. Thou didst speak but well, When most the truth; which I receive much better Than to be pitied of thee. Pr'ythee, bring me To the dead bodies of my queen and son: One grave shall be for both; upon them shall The causes of their death appear, unto Our shame perpetual. Once a day I'll visit The chapel where they lie; and tears shed there Shall be my recreation: so long as nature Will bear up with this exercise, so long I daily vow to use it. - Come, and lead me To these sorrows. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. Bohemia. A desert Country near the Sea. [Enter ANTIGONUS with the Child, and a Mariner.] ANTIGONUS. Thou art perfect, then, our ship hath touch'd upon The deserts of Bohemia? MARINER. Ay, my lord; and fear We have landed in ill time: the skies look grimly, And threaten present blusters. In my conscience, The heavens with that we have in hand are angry, And frown upon 's. ANTIGONUS. Their sacred wills be done! - Go, get aboard; Look to thy bark: I'll not be long before I call upon thee. MARINER. Make your best haste; and go not Too far i' the land: 'tis like to be loud weather; Besides, this place is famous for the creatures Of prey that keep upon't. ANTIGONUS. Go thou away: I'll follow instantly. MARINER. I am glad at heart To be so rid o' th' business. [Exit.] ANTIGONUS. Come, poor babe: - I have heard (but not believ'd) the spirits of the dead May walk again: if such thing be, thy mother Appear'd to me last night; for ne'er was dream So like a waking. To me comes a creature, Sometimes her head on one side, some another: I never saw a vessel of like sorrow, So fill'd and so becoming: in pure white robes, Like very sanctity, she did approach My cabin where I lay: thrice bow'd before me; And, gasping to begin some speech, her eyes Became two spouts: the fury spent, anon Did this break from her: 'Good Antigonus, Since fate, against thy better disposition, Hath made thy person for the thrower-out Of my poor babe, according to thine oath, - Places remote enough are in Bohemia, There weep, and leave it crying; and, for the babe Is counted lost for ever, Perdita I pr'ythee call't. For this ungentle business, Put on thee by my lord, thou ne'er shalt see Thy wife Paulina more': so, with shrieks, She melted into air. Affrighted much, I did in time collect myself; and thought This was so, and no slumber. Dreams are toys; Yet, for this once, yea, superstitiously, I will be squar'd by this. I do believe Hermione hath suffer'd death, and that Apollo would, this being indeed the issue Of King Polixenes, it should here be laid, Either for life or death, upon the earth Of its right father. Blossom, speed thee well! [Laying down the child.] There lie; and there thy character: there these; [Laying down a bundle.] Which may if fortune please, both breed thee, pretty, And still rest thine. - The storm begins: - poor wretch, That for thy mother's fault art thus expos'd To loss and what may follow! - Weep I cannot, But my heart bleeds: and most accurs'd am I To be by oath enjoin'd to this. - Farewell! The day frowns more and more: - thou'rt like to have A lullaby too rough: - I never saw The heavens so dim by day. A savage clamour! - Well may I get aboard! - This is the chase: I am gone for ever. [Exit, pursued by a bear.] [Enter an old SHEPHERD.] SHEPHERD. I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep out the rest; for there is nothing in the between but getting wenches with child, wronging the ancientry, stealing, fighting. - Hark you now! Would any but these boiled brains of nineteen and two-and-twenty hunt this weather? They have scared away two of my best sheep, which I fear the wolf will sooner find than the master: if anywhere I have them, 'tis by the sea-side, browsing of ivy. - Good luck, an't be thy will! what have we here? [Taking up the child.] Mercy on's, a bairn: A very pretty bairn! A boy or a child, I wonder? A pretty one; a very pretty one: sure, some scape: though I am not bookish, yet I can read waiting-gentlewoman in the scape. This has been some stair-work, some trunk-work, some behind-door-work; they were warmer that got this than the poor thing is here. I'll take it up for pity: yet I'll tarry till my son comes; he hallaed but even now. - Whoa, ho hoa! CLOWN. [Within.] Hilloa, loa! SHEPHERD. What, art so near? If thou'lt see a thing to talk on when thou art dead and rotten, come hither. [Enter CLOWN.] What ail'st thou, man? CLOWN. I have seen two such sights, by sea and by land! - but I am not to say it is a sea, for it is now the sky: betwixt the firmament and it, you cannot thrust a bodkin's point. SHEPHERD. Why, boy, how is it? CLOWN. I would you did but see how it chafes, how it rages, how it takes up the shore! But that's not to the point. O, the most piteous cry of the poor souls! sometimes to see 'em, and not to see 'em; now the ship boring the moon with her mainmast, and anon swallowed with yest and froth, as you'd thrust a cork into a hogshead. And then for the land service, - to see how the bear tore out his shoulder-bone; how he cried to me for help, and said his name was Antigonus, a nobleman. - But to make an end of the ship, - to see how the sea flap-dragon'd it: - but first, how the poor souls roared, and the sea mocked them; - and how the poor gentleman roared, and the bear mocked him, - both roaring louder than the sea or weather. SHEPHERD. Name of mercy! when was this, boy? CLOWN. Now, now; I have not winked since I saw these sights: the men are not yet cold under water, nor the bear half dined on the gentleman; he's at it now. SHEPHERD. Would I had been by to have helped the old man! CLOWN. I would you had been by the ship-side, to have helped her: there your charity would have lacked footing. SHEPHERD. [Aside.] Heavy matters, heavy matters! But look thee here, boy. Now bless thyself: thou mettest with things dying, I with things new-born. Here's a sight for thee; look thee, a bearing-cloth for a squire's child! look thee here; take up, take up, boy; open't. So, let's see: - it was told me I should be rich by the fairies: this is some changeling: - open't. What's within, boy? CLOWN. You're a made old man; if the sins of your youth are forgiven you, you're well to live. Gold! all gold! SHEPHERD. This is fairy-gold, boy, and 'twill prove so: up with it, keep it close: home, home, the next way! We are lucky, boy: and to be so still requires nothing but secrecy - Let my sheep go: - come, good boy, the next way home. CLOWN. Go you the next way with your findings. I'll go see if the bear be gone from the gentleman, and how much he hath eaten: they are never curst but when they are hungry: if there be any of him left, I'll bury it. SHEPHERD. That's a good deed. If thou mayest discern by that which is left of him what he is, fetch me to the sight of him. CLOWN. Marry, will I; and you shall help to put him i' the ground. SHEPHERD. 'Tis a lucky day, boy; and we'll do good deeds on't. [Exeunt.] ACT IV. SCENE I. [Enter Time, as Chorus.] TIME. I, - that please some, try all; both joy and terror Of good and bad; that make and unfold error, - Now take upon me, in the name of Time, To use my wings. Impute it not a crime To me or my swift passage, that I slide O'er sixteen years, and leave the growth untried Of that wide gap, since it is in my power To o'erthrow law, and in one self-born hour To plant and o'erwhelm custom. Let me pass The same I am, ere ancient'st order was Or what is now received: I witness to The times that brought them in; so shall I do To the freshest things now reigning, and make stale The glistering of this present, as my tale Now seems to it. Your patience this allowing, I turn my glass, and give my scene such growing As you had slept between. Leontes leaving The effects of his fond jealousies, so grieving That he shuts up himself; imagine me, Gentle spectators, that I now may be In fair Bohemia; and remember well, I mention'd a son o' the king's, which Florizel I now name to you; and with speed so pace To speak of Perdita, now grown in grace Equal with wondering: what of her ensues, I list not prophesy; but let Time's news Be known when 'tis brought forth: - a shepherd's daughter, And what to her adheres, which follows after, Is the argument of Time. Of this allow, If ever you have spent time worse ere now; If never, yet that Time himself doth say He wishes earnestly you never may. [Exit.] SCENE II. Bohemia. A Room in the palace of POLIXENES. [Enter POLIXENES and CAMILLO.] POLIXENES. I pray thee, good Camillo, be no more importunate: 'tis a sickness denying thee anything; a death to grant this. CAMILLO. It is fifteen years since I saw my country; though I have for the most part been aired abroad, I desire to lay my bones there. Besides, the penitent king, my master, hath sent for me; to whose feeling sorrows I might be some allay, or I o'erween to think so, - which is another spur to my departure. POLIXENES. As thou lovest me, Camillo, wipe not out the rest of thy services by leaving me now: the need I have of thee, thine own goodness hath made; better not to have had thee than thus to want thee; thou, having made me businesses which none without thee can sufficiently manage, must either stay to execute them thyself, or take away with thee the very services thou hast done; which if I have not enough considered, - as too much I cannot, - to be more thankful to thee shall be my study; and my profit therein the heaping friendships. Of that fatal country Sicilia, pr'ythee, speak no more; whose very naming punishes me with the remembrance of that penitent, as thou call'st him, and reconciled king, my brother; whose loss of his most precious queen and children are even now to be afresh lamented. Say to me, when sawest thou the Prince Florizel, my son? Kings are no less unhappy, their issue not being gracious, than they are in losing them when they have approved their virtues. CAMILLO. Sir, it is three days since I saw the prince. What his happier affairs may be, are to me unknown; but I have missingly noted he is of late much retired from court, and is less frequent to his princely exercises than formerly he hath appeared. POLIXENES. I have considered so much, Camillo, and with some care; so far that I have eyes under my service which look upon his removedness; from whom I have this intelligence, - that he is seldom from the house of a most homely shepherd, - a man, they say, that from very nothing, and beyond the imagination of his neighbours, is grown into an unspeakable estate. CAMILLO. I have heard, sir, of such a man, who hath a daughter of most rare note: the report of her is extended more than can be thought to begin from such a cottage. POLIXENES. That's likewise part of my intelligence: but, I fear, the angle that plucks our son thither. Thou shalt accompany us to the place; where we will, not appearing what we are, have some question with the shepherd; from whose simplicity I think it not uneasy to get the cause of my son's resort thither. Pr'ythee, be my present partner in this business, and lay aside the thoughts of Sicilia. CAMILLO. I willingly obey your command. POLIXENES. My best Camillo! - We must disguise ourselves. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. The same. A Road near the Shepherd's cottage. [Enter AUTOLYCUS, singing.] AUTOLYCUS. When daffodils begin to peer, - With, hey! the doxy over the dale, - Why, then comes in the sweet o' the year: For the red blood reigns in the winter's pale. The white sheet bleaching on the hedge, - With, hey! the sweet birds, O, how they sing! - Doth set my pugging tooth on edge; For a quart of ale is a dish for a king. The lark, that tirra-lirra chants, - With, hey! with, hey! the thrush and the jay, - Are summer songs for me and my aunts, While we lie tumbling in the hay. I have serv'd Prince Florizel, and in my time wore three-pile; but now I am out of service: But shall I go mourn for that, my dear? The pale moon shines by night: And when I wander here and there, I then do most go right. If tinkers may have leave to live, And bear the sow-skin budget, Then my account I well may give And in the stocks avouch it. My traffic is sheets; when the kite builds, look to lesser linen. My father named me Autolycus; who being, I as am, littered under Mercury, was likewise a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles. With die and drab I purchased this caparison; and my revenue is the silly-cheat: gallows and knock are too powerful on the highway; beating and hanging are terrors to me; for the life to come, I sleep out the thought of it. - A prize! a prize! [Enter CLOWN.] CLOWN. Let me see: - every 'leven wether tods; every tod yields pound and odd shilling; fifteen hundred shorn, what comes the wool to? AUTOLYCUS. [Aside.] If the springe hold, the cock's mine. CLOWN. I cannot do't without counters. - Let me see; what am I to buy for our sheep-shearing feast? 'Three pound of sugar; five pound of currants; rice' - what will this sister of mine do with rice? But my father hath made her mistress of the feast, and she lays it on. She hath made me four and twenty nosegays for the shearers, - three-man song-men all, and very good ones; but they are most of them means and bases; but one puritan amongst them, and he sings psalms to hornpipes. I must have saffron to colour the warden pies; 'mace - dates', - none, that's out of my note; 'nutmegs, seven; a race or two of ginger', - but that I may beg; 'four pound of prunes, and as many of raisins o' the sun.' AUTOLYCUS. [Grovelling on the ground.] O that ever I was born! CLOWN. I' the name of me, - AUTOLYCUS. O, help me, help me! Pluck but off these rags; and then, death, death! CLOWN. Alack, poor soul! thou hast need of more rags to lay on thee, rather than have these off. AUTOLYCUS. O sir, the loathsomeness of them offend me more than the stripes I have received, which are mighty ones and millions. CLOWN. Alas, poor man! a million of beating may come to a great matter. AUTOLYCUS. I am robb'd, sir, and beaten; my money and apparel ta'en from me, and these detestable things put upon me. CLOWN. What, by a horseman or a footman? AUTOLYCUS. A footman, sweet sir, a footman. CLOWN. Indeed, he should be a footman, by the garments he has left with thee: if this be a horseman's coat, it hath seen very hot service. Lend me thy hand, I'll help thee: come, lend me thy hand. [Helping him up.] AUTOLYCUS. O, good sir, tenderly, O! CLOWN. Alas, poor soul! AUTOLYCUS. O, good sir, softly, good sir: I fear, sir, my shoulder blade is out. CLOWN. How now! canst stand? AUTOLYCUS. Softly, dear sir! [Picks his pocket.] good sir, softly; you ha' done me a charitable office. CLOWN. Dost lack any money? I have a little money for thee. AUTOLYCUS. No, good sweet sir; no, I beseech you, sir: I have a kinsman not past three quarters of a mile hence, unto whom I was going; I shall there have money or anything I want: offer me no money, I pray you; that kills my heart. CLOWN. What manner of fellow was he that robbed you? AUTOLYCUS. A fellow, sir, that I have known to go about with troll-my-dames; I knew him once a servant of the prince; I cannot tell, good sir, for which of his virtues it was, but he was certainly whipped out of the court. CLOWN. His vices, you would say; there's no virtue whipped out of the court: they cherish it, to make it stay there; and yet it will no more but abide. AUTOLYCUS. Vices, I would say, sir. I know this man well: he hath been since an ape-bearer; then a process-server, a bailiff; then he compassed a motion of the Prodigal Son, and married a tinker's wife within a mile where my land and living lies; and, having flown over many knavish professions, he settled only in rogue: some call him Autolycus. CLOWN. Out upon him! prig, for my life, prig: he haunts wakes, fairs, and bear-baitings. AUTOLYCUS. Very true, sir; he, sir, he; that's the rogue that put me into this apparel. CLOWN. Not a more cowardly rogue in all Bohemia; if you had but looked big and spit at him, he'd have run. AUTOLYCUS. I must confess to you, sir, I am no fighter: I am false of heart that way; and that he knew, I warrant him. CLOWN. How do you now? AUTOLYCUS. Sweet sir, much better than I was; I can stand and walk: I will even take my leave of you and pace softly towards my kinsman's. CLOWN. Shall I bring thee on the way? AUTOLYCUS. No, good-faced sir; no, sweet sir. CLOWN. Then fare thee well: I must go buy spices for our sheep-shearing. AUTOLYCUS. Prosper you, sweet sir! [Exit CLOWN.] Your purse is not hot enough to purchase your spice. I'll be with you at your sheep-shearing too. If I make not this cheat bring out another, and the shearers prove sheep, let me be unrolled, and my name put in the book of virtue! [Sings.] Jog on, jog on, the footpath way, And merrily hent the stile-a: A merry heart goes all the day, Your sad tires in a mile-a. [Exit.] SCENE IV. The same. A Shepherd's Cottage. [Enter FLORIZEL and PERDITA.] FLORIZEL. These your unusual weeds to each part of you Do give a life, - no shepherdess, but Flora Peering in April's front. This your sheep-shearing Is as a meeting of the petty gods, And you the queen on't. PERDITA. Sir, my gracious lord, To chide at your extremes it not becomes me, - O, pardon that I name them! - your high self, The gracious mark o' the land, you have obscur'd With a swain's wearing; and me, poor lowly maid, Most goddess-like prank'd up. But that our feasts In every mess have folly, and the feeders Digest it with a custom, I should blush To see you so attir'd; swoon, I think, To show myself a glass. FLORIZEL. I bless the time When my good falcon made her flight across Thy father's ground. PERDITA. Now Jove afford you cause! To me the difference forges dread: your greatness Hath not been us'd to fear. Even now I tremble To think your father, by some accident, Should pass this way, as you did. O, the fates! How would he look to see his work, so noble, Vilely bound up? What would he say? Or how Should I, in these my borrow'd flaunts, behold The sternness of his presence? FLORIZEL. Apprehend Nothing but jollity. The gods themselves, Humbling their deities to love, have taken The shapes of beasts upon them: Jupiter Became a bull and bellow'd; the green Neptune A ram and bleated; and the fire-rob'd god, Golden Apollo, a poor humble swain, As I seem now: - their transformations Were never for a piece of beauty rarer, - Nor in a way so chaste, since my desires Run not before mine honour, nor my lusts Burn hotter than my faith. PERDITA. O, but, sir, Your resolution cannot hold when 'tis Oppos'd, as it must be, by the power of the king: One of these two must be necessities, Which then will speak, that you must change this purpose, Or I my life. FLORIZEL. Thou dearest Perdita, With these forc'd thoughts, I pr'ythee, darken not The mirth o' the feast: or I'll be thine, my fair, Or not my father's; for I cannot be Mine own, nor anything to any, if I be not thine: to this I am most constant, Though destiny say no. Be merry, gentle; Strangle such thoughts as these with any thing That you behold the while. Your guests are coming: Lift up your countenance, as it were the day Of celebration of that nuptial which We two have sworn shall come. PERDITA. O lady Fortune, Stand you auspicious! FLORIZEL. See, your guests approach: Address yourself to entertain them sprightly, And let's be red with mirth. [Enter Shepherd, with POLIXENES and CAMILLO, disguised; CLOWN, MOPSA, DORCAS, with others.] SHEPHERD. Fie, daughter! When my old wife liv'd, upon This day she was both pantler, butler, cook; Both dame and servant; welcom'd all; serv'd all; Would sing her song and dance her turn; now here At upper end o' the table, now i' the middle; On his shoulder, and his; her face o' fire With labour, and the thing she took to quench it She would to each one sip. You are retir'd, As if you were a feasted one, and not The hostess of the meeting: pray you, bid These unknown friends to us welcome, for it is A way to make us better friends, more known. Come, quench your blushes, and present yourself That which you are, mistress o' the feast: come on, And bid us welcome to your sheep-shearing, As your good flock shall prosper. PERDITA. [To POLIXENES.] Sir, welcome! It is my father's will I should take on me The hostess-ship o' the day: - [To CAMILLO.] You're welcome, sir! Give me those flowers there, Dorcas. - Reverend sirs, For you there's rosemary and rue; these keep Seeming and savour all the winter long: Grace and remembrance be to you both! And welcome to our shearing! POLIXENES. Shepherdess - A fair one are you! - well you fit our ages With flowers of winter. PERDITA. Sir, the year growing ancient, - Not yet on summer's death nor on the birth Of trembling winter, - the fairest flowers o' the season Are our carnations and streak'd gillyvors, Which some call nature's bastards: of that kind Our rustic garden's barren; and I care not To get slips of them. POLIXENES. Wherefore, gentle maiden, Do you neglect them? PERDITA. For I have heard it said There is an art which, in their piedness, shares With great creating nature. POLIXENES. Say there be; Yet nature is made better by no mean But nature makes that mean; so, o'er that art Which you say adds to nature, is an art That nature makes. You see, sweet maid, we marry A gentler scion to the wildest stock, And make conceive a bark of baser kind By bud of nobler race. This is an art Which does mend nature, - change it rather; but The art itself is nature. PERDITA. So it is. POLIXENES. Then make your garden rich in gillyvors, And do not call them bastards. PERDITA. I'll not put The dibble in earth to set one slip of them; No more than were I painted, I would wish This youth should say, 'twere well, and only therefore Desire to breed by me. - Here's flowers for you; Hot lavender, mints, savory, marjoram; The marigold, that goes to bed with the sun, And with him rises weeping; these are flowers Of middle summer, and I think they are given To men of middle age. You're very welcome! CAMILLO. I should leave grazing, were I of your flock, And only live by gazing. PERDITA. Out, alas! You'd be so lean that blasts of January Would blow you through and through. - Now, my fairest friend, I would I had some flowers o' the spring that might Become your time of day; - and yours, and yours, That wear upon your virgin branches yet Your maidenheads growing. - O Proserpina, From the flowers now, that, frighted, thou lett'st fall From Dis's waggon! - daffodils, That come before the swallow dares, and take The winds of March with beauty; violets dim But sweeter than the lids of Juno's eyes Or Cytherea's breath; pale primroses, That die unmarried ere they can behold Bright Phoebus in his strength, - a malady Most incident to maids; bold oxlips, and The crown-imperial; lilies of all kinds, The flower-de-luce being one. - O, these I lack, To make you garlands of; and, my sweet friend, To strew him o'er and o'er! FLORIZEL. What, like a corse? PERDITA. No; like a bank for love to lie and play on; Not like a corse; or if, - not to be buried, But quick, and in mine arms. Come, take your flowers; Methinks I play as I have seen them do In Whitsun pastorals: sure, this robe of mine Does change my disposition. FLORIZEL. What you do Still betters what is done. When you speak, sweet, I'd have you do it ever; when you sing, I'd have you buy and sell so; so give alms; Pray so; and, for the ordering your affairs, To sing them too: when you do dance, I wish you A wave o' the sea, that you might ever do Nothing but that; move still, still so, and own No other function: each your doing, So singular in each particular, Crowns what you are doing in the present deeds, That all your acts are queens. PERDITA. O Doricles, Your praises are too large: but that your youth, And the true blood which peeps fairly through it, Do plainly give you out an unstained shepherd, With wisdom I might fear, my Doricles, You woo'd me the false way. FLORIZEL. I think you have As little skill to fear as I have purpose To put you to't. But, come; our dance, I pray: Your hand, my Perdita; so turtles pair That never mean to part. PERDITA. I'll swear for 'em. POLIXENES. This is the prettiest low-born lass that ever Ran on the green-sward: nothing she does or seems But smacks of something greater than herself, Too noble for this place. CAMILLO. He tells her something That makes her blood look out: good sooth, she is The queen of curds and cream. CLOWN. Come on, strike up. DORCAS. Mopsa must be your mistress; marry, garlic, To mend her kissing with! MOPSA. Now, in good time! CLOWN. Not a word, a word; we stand upon our manners. - Come, strike up. [Music. Here a dance Of Shepherds and Shepherdesses.] POLIXENES. Pray, good shepherd, what fair swain is this Which dances with your daughter? SHEPHERD. They call him Doricles; and boasts himself To have a worthy feeding; but I have it Upon his own report, and I believe it: He looks like sooth. He says he loves my daughter: I think so too; for never gaz'd the moon Upon the water as he'll stand, and read, As 'twere, my daughter's eyes: and, to be plain, I think there is not half a kiss to choose Who loves another best. POLIXENES. She dances featly. SHEPHERD. So she does anything; though I report it, That should be silent; if young Doricles Do light upon her, she shall bring him that Which he not dreams of. [Enter a SERVANT.] SERVANT. O master, if you did but hear the pedlar at the door, you would never dance again after a tabor and pipe; no, the bagpipe could not move you: he sings several tunes faster than you'll tell money: he utters them as he had eaten ballads, and all men's ears grew to his tunes. CLOWN. He could never come better: he shall come in. I love a ballad but even too well, if it be doleful matter merrily set down, or a very pleasant thing indeed and sung lamentably. SERVANT. He hath songs for man or woman of all sizes; no milliner can so fit his customers with gloves: he has the prettiest love-songs for maids; so without bawdry, which is strange; with such delicate burdens of 'dildos' and 'fadings', 'jump her and thump her'; and where some stretch-mouth'd rascal would, as it were, mean mischief, and break a foul gap into the matter, he makes the maid to answer 'Whoop, do me no harm, good man', - puts him off, slights him, with 'Whoop, do me no harm, good man.' POLIXENES. This is a brave fellow. CLOWN. Believe me, thou talkest of an admirable conceited fellow. Has he any unbraided wares? SERVANT. He hath ribbons of all the colours i' the rainbow; points, more than all the lawyers in Bohemia can learnedly handle, though they come to him by the gross; inkles, caddisses, cambrics, lawns; why he sings 'em over as they were gods or goddesses; you would think a smock were a she-angel, he so chants to the sleeve-hand and the work about the square on't. CLOWN. Pr'ythee bring him in; and let him approach singing. PERDITA. Forewarn him that he use no scurrilous words in his tunes. [Exit SERVANT.] CLOWN. You have of these pedlars that have more in them than you'd think, sister. PERDITA. Ay, good brother, or go about to think. [Enter AUTOLYCUS, singing.] AUTOLYCUS. Lawn as white as driven snow; Cypress black as e'er was crow; Gloves as sweet as damask-roses; Masks for faces and for noses; Bugle-bracelet, necklace amber, Perfume for a lady's chamber; Golden quoifs and stomachers, For my lads to give their dears; Pins and poking-sticks of steel, What maids lack from head to heel. Come, buy of me, come; come buy, come buy; Buy, lads, or else your lasses cry: Come, buy. CLOWN. If I were not in love with Mopsa, thou shouldst take no money of me; but being enthralled as I am, it will also be the bondage of certain ribbons and gloves. MOPSA. I was promis'd them against the feast; but they come not too late now. DORCAS. He hath promised you more than that, or there be liars. MOPSA. He hath paid you all he promised you: may be he has paid you more, - which will shame you to give him again. CLOWN. Is there no manners left among maids? will they wear their plackets where they should bear their faces? Is there not milking-time, when you are going to bed, or kiln-hole, to whistle off these secrets, but you must be tittle-tattling before all our guests? 'tis well they are whispering. Clamour your tongues, and not a word more. MOPSA. I have done. Come, you promised me a tawdry lace, and a pair of sweet gloves. CLOWN. Have I not told thee how I was cozened by the way, and lost all my money? AUTOLYCUS. And indeed, sir, there are cozeners abroad; therefore it behoves men to be wary. CLOWN. Fear not thou, man; thou shalt lose nothing here. AUTOLYCUS. I hope so, sir; for I have about me many parcels of charge. CLOWN. What hast here? ballads? MOPSA. Pray now, buy some: I love a ballad in print a-life; for then we are sure they are true. AUTOLYCUS. Here's one to a very doleful tune. How a usurer's wife was brought to bed of twenty money-bags at a burden, and how she long'd to eat adders' heads and toads carbonadoed. MOPSA. Is it true, think you? AUTOLYCUS. Very true; and but a month old. DORCAS. Bless me from marrying a usurer! AUTOLYCUS. Here's the midwife's name to' t, one Mistress Taleporter, and five or six honest wives that were present. Why should I carry lies abroad? MOPSA. Pray you now, buy it. CLOWN. Come on, lay it by; and let's first see more ballads; we'll buy the other things anon. AUTOLYCUS. Here's another ballad, of a fish that appeared upon the coast on Wednesday the fourscore of April, forty thousand fathom above water, and sung this ballad against the hard hearts of maids: it was thought she was a woman, and was turned into a cold fish for she would not exchange flesh with one that loved her. The ballad is very pitiful, and as true. DORCAS. Is it true too, think you? AUTOLYCUS. Five justices' hands at it; and witnesses more than my pack will hold. CLOWN. Lay it by too: another. AUTOLYCUS. This is a merry ballad; but a very pretty one. MOPSA. Let's have some merry ones. AUTOLYCUS. Why, this is a passing merry one, and goes to the tune of 'Two maids wooing a man.' There's scarce a maid westward but she sings it: 'tis in request, I can tell you. MOPSA. We can both sing it: if thou'lt bear a part, thou shalt hear; 'tis in three parts. DORCAS. We had the tune on't a month ago. AUTOLYCUS. I can bear my part; you must know 'tis my occupation: have at it with you. [SONG.] AUTOLYCUS. Get you hence, for I must go Where it fits not you to know. DORCAS. Whither? MOPSA. O, whither? DORCAS. Whither? MOPSA. It becomes thy oath full well Thou to me thy secrets tell. DORCAS. Me too! Let me go thither. MOPSA. Or thou goest to the grange or mill: DORCAS. If to either, thou dost ill. AUTOLYCUS. Neither. DORCAS. What, neither? AUTOLYCUS. Neither. DORCAS. Thou hast sworn my love to be; MOPSA. Thou hast sworn it more to me; Then whither goest? - say, whither? CLOWN. We'll have this song out anon by ourselves; my father and the gentlemen are in sad talk, and we'll not trouble them. - Come, bring away thy pack after me. - Wenches, I'll buy for you both: - Pedlar, let's have the first choice. - Follow me, girls. [Exit with DORCAS and MOPSA.] AUTOLYCUS. [Aside.] And you shall pay well for 'em. Will you buy any tape, Or lace for your cape, My dainty duck, my dear-a? Any silk, any thread, Any toys for your head, Of the new'st and fin'st, fin'st wear-a? Come to the pedlar; Money's a meddler That doth utter all men's ware-a. [Exit.] [Re-enter Servant.] SERVANT. Master, there is three carters, three shepherds, three neat-herds, three swine-herds, that have made themselves all men of hair; they call themselves saltiers: and they have dance which the wenches say is a gallimaufry of gambols, because they are not in't; but they themselves are o' the mind (if it be not too rough for some that know little but bowling) it will please plentifully. SHEPHERD. Away! we'll none on't; here has been too much homely foolery already. - I know, sir, we weary you. POLIXENES. You weary those that refresh us: pray, let's see these four threes of herdsmen. SERVANT. One three of them, by their own report, sir, hath danced before the king; and not the worst of the three but jumps twelve foot and a half by the squire. SHEPHERD. Leave your prating: since these good men are pleased, let them come in; but quickly now. SERVANT. Why, they stay at door, sir. [Exit.] [Enter Twelve Rustics, habited like Satyrs. They dance, and then exeunt.] POLIXENES. O, father, you'll know more of that hereafter. - [To CAMILLO.] Is it not too far gone? - 'Tis time to part them. - He's simple and tells much. [To FLORIZEL.] How now, fair shepherd! Your heart is full of something that does take Your mind from feasting. Sooth, when I was young And handed love as you do, I was wont To load my she with knacks: I would have ransack'd The pedlar's silken treasury and have pour'd it To her acceptance; you have let him go, And nothing marted with him. If your lass Interpretation should abuse, and call this Your lack of love or bounty, you were straited For a reply, at least if you make a care Of happy holding her. FLORIZEL. Old sir, I know She prizes not such trifles as these are: The gifts she looks from me are pack'd and lock'd Up in my heart; which I have given already, But not deliver'd. - O, hear me breathe my life Before this ancient sir, who, it should seem, Hath sometime lov'd, - I take thy hand! this hand, As soft as dove's down, and as white as it, Or Ethiopian's tooth, or the fann'd snow that's bolted By the northern blasts twice o'er. POLIXENES. What follows this? - How prettily the young swain seems to wash The hand was fair before! - I have put you out: But to your protestation; let me hear What you profess. FLORIZEL. Do, and be witness to't. POLIXENES. And this my neighbour, too? FLORIZEL. And he, and more Than he, and men, - the earth, the heavens, and all: - That, - were I crown'd the most imperial monarch, Thereof most worthy; were I the fairest youth That ever made eye swerve; had force and knowledge More than was ever man's, - I would not prize them Without her love: for her employ them all; Commend them, and condemn them to her service, Or to their own perdition. POLIXENES. Fairly offer'd. CAMILLO. This shows a sound affection. SHEPHERD. But, my daughter, Say you the like to him? PERDITA. I cannot speak So well, nothing so well; no, nor mean better: By the pattern of mine own thoughts I cut out The purity of his. SHEPHERD. Take hands, a bargain! - And, friends unknown, you shall bear witness to't: I give my daughter to him, and will make Her portion equal his. FLORIZEL. O, that must be I' the virtue of your daughter: one being dead, I shall have more than you can dream of yet; Enough then for your wonder: but come on, Contract us 'fore these witnesses. SHEPHERD. Come, your hand; - And, daughter, yours. POLIXENES. Soft, swain, awhile, beseech you; Have you a father? FLORIZEL. I have; but what of him? POLIXENES. Knows he of this? FLORIZEL. He neither does nor shall. POLIXENES. Methinks a father Is, at the nuptial of his son, a guest That best becomes the table. Pray you, once more; Is not your father grown incapable Of reasonable affairs? is he not stupid With age and altering rheums? can he speak? hear? Know man from man? dispute his own estate? Lies he not bed-rid? and again does nothing But what he did being childish? FLORIZEL. No, good sir; He has his health, and ampler strength indeed Than most have of his age. POLIXENES. By my white beard, You offer him, if this be so, a wrong Something unfilial: reason my son Should choose himself a wife; but as good reason The father, - all whose joy is nothing else But fair posterity, - should hold some counsel In such a business. FLORIZEL. I yield all this; But, for some other reasons, my grave sir, Which 'tis not fit you know, I not acquaint My father of this business. POLIXENES. Let him know't. FLORIZEL. He shall not. POLIXENES. Pr'ythee let him. FLORIZEL. No, he must not. SHEPHERD. Let him, my son: he shall not need to grieve At knowing of thy choice. FLORIZEL. Come, come, he must not. - Mark our contract. POLIXENES. [Discovering himself.] Mark your divorce, young sir, Whom son I dare not call; thou art too base To be acknowledged: thou a sceptre's heir, That thus affects a sheep-hook! - Thou, old traitor, I am sorry that, by hanging thee, I can but Shorten thy life one week. - And thou, fresh piece Of excellent witchcraft, who of force must know The royal fool thou cop'st with, - SHEPHERD. O, my heart! POLIXENES. I'll have thy beauty scratch'd with briers, and made More homely than thy state. For thee, fond boy, - If I may ever know thou dost but sigh That thou no more shalt see this knack, - as never I mean thou shalt, - we'll bar thee from succession; Not hold thee of our blood, no, not our kin, Far than Deucalion off: - mark thou my words: Follow us to the court. - Thou churl, for this time, Though full of our displeasure, yet we free thee From the dead blow of it. - And you, enchantment, - Worthy enough a herdsman; yea, him too That makes himself, but for our honour therein, Unworthy thee, - if ever henceforth thou These rural latches to his entrance open, Or hoop his body more with thy embraces, I will devise a death as cruel for thee As thou art tender to't. [Exit.] PERDITA. Even here undone! I was not much afeard: for once or twice I was about to speak, and tell him plainly The self-same sun that shines upon his court Hides not his visage from our cottage, but Looks on alike. - [To FLORIZEL.] Will't please you, sir, be gone? I told you what would come of this! Beseech you, Of your own state take care: this dream of mine, Being now awake, I'll queen it no inch further, But milk my ewes, and weep. CAMILLO. Why, how now, father! Speak ere thou diest. SHEPHERD. I cannot speak, nor think, Nor dare to know that which I know. - [To FLORIZEL.] O, sir, You have undone a man of fourscore-three, That thought to fill his grave in quiet; yea, To die upon the bed my father died, To lie close by his honest bones! but now Some hangman must put on my shroud, and lay me Where no priest shovels in dust. - [To PERDITA.] O cursèd wretch, That knew'st this was the prince, and wouldst adventure To mingle faith with him! - Undone, undone! If I might die within this hour, I have liv'd To die when I desire. [Exit.] FLORIZEL. Why look you so upon me? I am but sorry, not afeard; delay'd, But nothing alt'red: what I was, I am: More straining on for plucking back; not following My leash unwillingly. CAMILLO. Gracious, my lord, You know your father's temper: at this time He will allow no speech, - which I do guess You do not purpose to him, - and as hardly Will he endure your sight as yet, I fear: Then, till the fury of his highness settle, Come not before him. FLORIZEL. I not purpose it. I think Camillo? CAMILLO. Even he, my lord. PERDITA. How often have I told you 'twould be thus! How often said my dignity would last But till 'twere known! FLORIZEL. It cannot fail but by The violation of my faith; and then Let nature crush the sides o' the earth together And mar the seeds within! - Lift up thy looks. - From my succession wipe me, father; I Am heir to my affection. CAMILLO. Be advis'd. FLORIZEL. I am, - and by my fancy; if my reason Will thereto be obedient, I have reason; If not, my senses, better pleas'd with madness, Do bid it welcome. CAMILLO. This is desperate, sir. FLORIZEL. So call it: but it does fulfil my vow: I needs must think it honesty. Camillo, Not for Bohemia, nor the pomp that may Be thereat glean'd; for all the sun sees or The close earth wombs, or the profound seas hide In unknown fathoms, will I break my oath To this my fair belov'd: therefore, I pray you, As you have ever been my father's honour'd friend When he shall miss me, - as, in faith, I mean not To see him any more, - cast your good counsels Upon his passion: let myself and fortune Tug for the time to come. This you may know, And so deliver, - I am put to sea With her, whom here I cannot hold on shore; And, most oppórtune to her need, I have A vessel rides fast by, but not prepar'd For this design. What course I mean to hold Shall nothing benefit your knowledge, nor Concern me the reporting. CAMILLO. O, my lord, I would your spirit were easier for advice, Or stronger for your need. FLORIZEL. Hark, Perdita. - [Takes her aside.] [To CAMILLO.]I'll hear you by and by. CAMILLO. He's irremovable, Resolv'd for flight. Now were I happy if His going I could frame to serve my turn; Save him from danger, do him love and honour; Purchase the sight again of dear Sicilia And that unhappy king, my master, whom I so much thirst to see. FLORIZEL. Now, good Camillo, I am so fraught with curious business that I leave out ceremony. CAMILLO. Sir, I think You have heard of my poor services, i' the love That I have borne your father? FLORIZEL. Very nobly Have you deserv'd: it is my father's music To speak your deeds; not little of his care To have them recompens'd as thought on. CAMILLO. Well, my lord, If you may please to think I love the king, And, through him, what's nearest to him, which is Your gracious self, embrace but my direction, - If your more ponderous and settled project May suffer alteration, - on mine honour, I'll point you where you shall have such receiving As shall become your highness; where you may Enjoy your mistress, - from the whom, I see, There's no disjunction to be made, but by, As heavens forfend! your ruin, - marry her; And, - with my best endeavours in your absence - Your discontenting father strive to qualify, And bring him up to liking. FLORIZEL. How, Camillo, May this, almost a miracle, be done? That I may call thee something more than man, And, after that, trust to thee. CAMILLO. Have you thought on A place whereto you'll go? FLORIZEL. Not any yet; But as the unthought-on accident is guilty To what we wildly do; so we profess Ourselves to be the slaves of chance, and flies Of every wind that blows. CAMILLO. Then list to me: This follows, - if you will not change your purpose, But undergo this flight, - make for Sicilia; And there present yourself and your fair princess, - For so, I see, she must be, - 'fore Leontes: She shall be habited as it becomes The partner of your bed. Methinks I see Leontes opening his free arms, and weeping His welcomes forth; asks thee, the son, forgiveness, As 'twere i' the father's person; kisses the hands Of your fresh princess; o'er and o'er divides him 'Twixt his unkindness and his kindness, - the one He chides to hell, and bids the other grow Faster than thought or time. FLORIZEL. Worthy Camillo, What colour for my visitation shall I Hold up before him? CAMILLO. Sent by the king your father To greet him and to give him comforts. Sir, The manner of your bearing towards him, with What you as from your father, shall deliver, Things known betwixt us three, I'll write you down; The which shall point you forth at every sitting, What you must say; that he shall not perceive But that you have your father's bosom there, And speak his very heart. FLORIZEL. I am bound to you: There is some sap in this. CAMILLO. A course more promising Than a wild dedication of yourselves To unpath'd waters, undream'd shores, most certain To miseries enough: no hope to help you; But as you shake off one to take another: Nothing so certain as your anchors; who Do their best office if they can but stay you Where you'll be loath to be: besides, you know Prosperity's the very bond of love, Whose fresh complexion and whose heart together Affliction alters. PERDITA. One of these is true: I think affliction may subdue the cheek, But not take in the mind. CAMILLO. Yea, say you so? There shall not at your father's house, these seven years Be born another such. FLORIZEL. My good Camillo, She is as forward of her breeding as She is i' the rear our birth. CAMILLO. I cannot say 'tis pity She lacks instruction; for she seems a mistress To most that teach. PERDITA. Your pardon, sir; for this: I'll blush you thanks. FLORIZEL. My prettiest Perdita! - But, O, the thorns we stand upon! - Camillo, - Preserver of my father, now of me; The medicine of our house! - how shall we do? We are not furnish'd like Bohemia's son; Nor shall appear in Sicilia. CAMILLO. My lord, Fear none of this: I think you know my fortunes Do all lie there: it shall be so my care To have you royally appointed as if The scene you play were mine. For instance, sir, That you may know you shall not want, - one word. [They talk aside.] [Re-enter AUTOLYCUS.] AUTOLYCUS. Ha, ha! what a fool Honesty is! and Trust, his sworn brother, a very simple gentleman! I have sold all my trumpery; not a counterfeit stone, not a riband, glass, pomander, brooch, table-book, ballad, knife, tape, glove, shoe-tie, bracelet, horn-ring, to keep my pack from fasting; - they throng who should buy first, as if my trinkets had been hallowed, and brought a benediction to the buyer: by which means I saw whose purse was best in picture; and what I saw, to my good use I remembered. My clown (who wants but something to be a reasonable man) grew so in love with the wenches' song that he would not stir his pettitoes till he had both tune and words; which so drew the rest of the herd to me that all their other senses stuck in ears: you might have pinched a placket, - it was senseless; 'twas nothing to geld a codpiece of a purse; I would have filed keys off that hung in chains: no hearing, no feeling, but my sir's song, and admiring the nothing of it. So that, in this time of lethargy, I picked and cut most of their festival purses; and had not the old man come in with whoobub against his daughter and the king's son, and scared my choughs from the chaff, I had not left a purse alive in the whole army. [CAMILLO, FLORIZEL, and PERDITA come forward.] CAMILLO. Nay, but my letters, by this means being there So soon as you arrive, shall clear that doubt. FLORIZEL. And those that you'll procure from king Leontes, - CAMILLO. Shall satisfy your father. PERDITA. Happy be you! All that you speak shows fair. CAMILLO. [Seeing AUTOLYCUS.] Who have we here? We'll make an instrument of this; omit Nothing may give us aid. AUTOLYCUS. [Aside.] If they have overheard me now, - why, hanging. CAMILLO. How now, good fellow! why shakest thou so? Fear not, man; here's no harm intended to thee. AUTOLYCUS. I am a poor fellow, sir. CAMILLO. Why, be so still; here's nobody will steal that from thee: yet, for the outside of thy poverty we must make an exchange; therefore discase thee instantly, - thou must think there's a necessity in't, - and change garments with this gentleman: though the pennyworth on his side be the worst, yet hold thee, there's some boot. [Giving money.] AUTOLYCUS. I am a poor fellow, sir: - [Aside.] I know ye well enough. CAMILLO. Nay, pr'ythee dispatch: the gentleman is half flay'd already. AUTOLYCUS. Are you in earnest, sir? - [Aside.] I smell the trick on't. FLORIZEL. Dispatch, I pr'ythee. AUTOLYCUS. Indeed, I have had earnest; but I cannot with conscience take it. CAMILLO. Unbuckle, unbuckle. [FLORIZEL and AUTOLYCUS exchange garments.] Fortunate mistress, - let my prophecy Come home to you! - you must retire yourself Into some covert; take your sweetheart's hat And pluck it o'er your brows, muffle your face, Dismantle you; and, as you can, disliken The truth of your own seeming; that you may, - For I do fear eyes over, - to shipboard Get undescried. PERDITA. I see the play so lies That I must bear a part. CAMILLO. No remedy. - Have you done there? FLORIZEL. Should I now meet my father, He would not call me son. CAMILLO. Nay, you shall have no hat. - [Giving it to PERDITA.] Come, lady, come. - Farewell, my friend. AUTOLYCUS. Adieu, sir. FLORIZEL. O Perdita, what have we twain forgot! Pray you a word. [They converse apart.] CAMILLO. [Aside.] What I do next, shall be to tell the king Of this escape, and whither they are bound; Wherein, my hope is, I shall so prevail To force him after: in whose company I shall re-view Sicilia; for whose sight I have a woman's longing. FLORIZEL. Fortune speed us! - Thus we set on, Camillo, to the sea-side. CAMILLO. The swifter speed the better. [Exeunt FLORIZEL, PERDITA, and CAMILLO.] AUTOLYCUS. I understand the business, I hear it: - to have an open ear, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is necessary for a cut-purse; a good nose is requisite also, to smell out work for the other senses. I see this is the time that the unjust man doth thrive. What an exchange had this been without boot? what a boot is here with this exchange? Sure, the gods do this year connive at us, and we may do anything extempore. The prince himself is about a piece of iniquity, - stealing away from his father with his clog at his heels: if I thought it were a piece of honesty to acquaint the king withal, I would not do't: I hold it the more knavery to conceal it; and therein am I constant to my profession. [Re-enter CLOWN and SHEPHERD.] Aside, aside; - here is more matter for a hot brain: every lane's end, every shop, church, session, hanging, yields a careful man work. CLOWN. See, see; what a man you are now! There is no other way but to tell the king she's a changeling, and none of your flesh and blood. SHEPHERD. Nay, but hear me. CLOWN. Nay, but hear me. SHEPHERD. Go to, then. CLOWN. She being none of your flesh and blood, your flesh and blood has not offended the king; and so your flesh and blood is not to be punished by him. Show those things you found about her; those secret things, - all but what she has with her: this being done, let the law go whistle; I warrant you. SHEPHERD. I will tell the king all, every word, - yea, and his son's pranks too; who, I may say, is no honest man neither to his father nor to me, to go about to make me the king's brother-in-law. CLOWN. Indeed, brother-in-law was the farthest off you could have been to him; and then your blood had been the dearer by I know how much an ounce. AUTOLYCUS. [Aside.] Very wisely, puppies! SHEPHERD. Well, let us to the king: there is that in this fardel will make him scratch his beard! AUTOLYCUS. [Aside.] I know not what impediment this complaint may be to the flight of my master. CLOWN. Pray heartily he be at palace. AUTOLYCUS. [Aside.] Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. Let me pocket up my pedlar's excrement. [Takes off his false beard.] - How now, rustics! whither are you bound? SHEPHERD. To the palace, an it like your worship. AUTOLYCUS. Your affairs there, what, with whom, the condition of that fardel, the place of your dwelling, your names, your ages, of what having, breeding, and anything that is fitting to be known? discover. CLOWN. We are but plain fellows, sir. AUTOLYCUS. A lie: you are rough and hairy. Let me have no lying; it becomes none but tradesmen, and they often give us soldiers the lie: but we pay them for it with stamped coin, not stabbing steel; therefore they do not give us the lie. CLOWN. Your worship had like to have given us one, if you had not taken yourself with the manner. SHEPHERD. Are you a courtier, an't like you, sir? AUTOLYCUS. Whether it like me or no, I am a courtier. Seest thou not the air of the court in these enfoldings? hath not my gait in it the measure of the court? receives not thy nose court-odour from me? reflect I not on thy baseness court-contempt? Think'st thou, for that I insinuate, or toaze from thee thy business, I am therefore no courtier? I am courtier cap-à-pie, and one that will either push on or pluck back thy business there: whereupon I command thee to open thy affair. SHEPHERD. My business, sir, is to the king. AUTOLYCUS. What advocate hast thou to him? SHEPHERD. I know not, an't like you. CLOWN. Advocate's the court-word for a pheasant; say you have none. SHEPHERD. None, sir; I have no pheasant, cock nor hen. AUTOLYCUS. How bless'd are we that are not simple men! Yet nature might have made me as these are, Therefore I will not disdain. CLOWN. This cannot be but a great courtier. SHEPHERD. His garments are rich, but he wears them not handsomely. CLOWN. He seems to be the more noble in being fantastical: a great man, I'll warrant; I know by the picking on's teeth. AUTOLYCUS. The fardel there? what's i' the fardel? Wherefore that box? SHEPHERD. Sir, there lies such secrets in this fardel and box which none must know but the king; and which he shall know within this hour, if I may come to the speech of him. AUTOLYCUS. Age, thou hast lost thy labour. SHEPHERD. Why, sir? AUTOLYCUS. The king is not at the palace; he is gone aboard a new ship to purge melancholy and air himself: for, if thou beest capable of things serious, thou must know the king is full of grief. SHEPHERD. So 'tis said, sir, - about his son, that should have married a shepherd's daughter. AUTOLYCUS. If that shepherd be not in hand-fast, let him fly: the curses he shall have, the tortures he shall feel, will break the back of man, the heart of monster. CLOWN. Think you so, sir? AUTOLYCUS. Not he alone shall suffer what wit can make heavy and vengeance bitter; but those that are germane to him, though removed fifty times, shall all come under the hangman: which, though it be great pity, yet it is necessary. An old sheep-whistling rogue, a ram-tender, to offer to have his daughter come into grace! Some say he shall be stoned; but that death is too soft for him, say I. Draw our throne into a sheep-cote! - all deaths are too few, the sharpest too easy. CLOWN. Has the old man e'er a son, sir, do you hear, an't like you, sir? AUTOLYCUS. He has a son, - who shall be flayed alive; then 'nointed over with honey, set on the head of a wasp's nest; then stand till he be three quarters and a dram dead; then recovered again with aqua-vitæ or some other hot infusion; then, raw as he is, and in the hottest day prognostication proclaims, shall he be set against a brick wall, the sun looking with a southward eye upon him, - where he is to behold him with flies blown to death. But what talk we of these traitorly rascals, whose miseries are to be smiled at, their offences being so capital? Tell me, - for you seem to be honest plain men, - what you have to the king: being something gently considered, I'll bring you where he is aboard, tender your persons to his presence, whisper him in your behalfs; and if it be in man besides the king to effect your suits, here is man shall do it. CLOWN. He seems to be of great authority: close with him, give him gold; and though authority be a stubborn bear, yet he is oft led by the nose with gold: show the inside of your purse to the outside of his hand, and no more ado. Remember, - ston'd and flayed alive. SHEPHERD. An't please you, sir, to undertake the business for us, here is that gold I have: I'll make it as much more, and leave this young man in pawn till I bring it you. AUTOLYCUS. After I have done what I promised? SHEPHERD. Ay, sir. AUTOLYCUS. Well, give me the moiety. Are you a party in this business? CLOWN. In some sort, sir: but though my case be a pitiful one, I hope I shall not be flayed out of it. AUTOLYCUS. O, that's the case of the shepherd's son. Hang him, he'll be made an example. CLOWN. Comfort, good comfort! We must to the king and show our strange sights. He must know 'tis none of your daughter nor my sister; we are gone else. Sir, I will give you as much as this old man does, when the business is performed; and remain, as he says, your pawn till it be brought you. AUTOLYCUS. I will trust you. Walk before toward the sea-side; go on the right-hand; I will but look upon the hedge, and follow you. CLOWN. We are blessed in this man, as I may say, even blessed. SHEPHERD. Let's before, as he bids us: he was provided to do us good. [Exeunt Shepherd and Clown.] AUTOLYCUS. If I had a mind to be honest, I see Fortune would not suffer me: she drops booties in my mouth. I am courted now with a double occasion, - gold, and a means to do the prince my master good; which who knows how that may turn back to my advancement? I will bring these two moles, these blind ones, aboard him: if he think it fit to shore them again, and that the complaint they have to the king concerns him nothing, let him call me rogue for being so far officious; for I am proof against that title, and what shame else belongs to't. To him will I present them: there may be matter in it. [Exit.] ACT V. SCENE I. Sicilia. A Room in the palace of LEONTES. [Enter LEONTES, CLEOMENES, DION, PAULINA, and others.] CLEOMENES. Sir, you have done enough, and have perform'd A saint-like sorrow: no fault could you make Which you have not redeem'd; indeed, paid down More penitence than done trespass: at the last, Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil; With them, forgive yourself. LEONTES. Whilst I remember Her and her virtues, I cannot forget My blemishes in them; and so still think of The wrong I did myself: which was so much That heirless it hath made my kingdom, and Destroy'd the sweet'st companion that e'er man Bred his hopes out of. PAULINA. True, too true, my lord; If, one by one, you wedded all the world, Or from the all that are took something good, To make a perfect woman, she you kill'd Would be unparallel'd. LEONTES. I think so. - Kill'd! She I kill'd! I did so: but thou strik'st me Sorely, to say I did: it is as bitter Upon thy tongue as in my thought: now, good now, Say so but seldom. CLEOMENES. Not at all, good lady; You might have spoken a thousand things that would Have done the time more benefit, and grac'd Your kindness better. PAULINA. You are one of those Would have him wed again. DION. If you would not so, You pity not the state, nor the remembrance Of his most sovereign name; consider little What dangers, by his highness' fail of issue, May drop upon his kingdom, and devour Incertain lookers-on. What were more holy Than to rejoice the former queen is well? What holier than, - for royalty's repair, For present comfort, and for future good, - To bless the bed of majesty again With a sweet fellow to't? PAULINA. There is none worthy, Respecting her that's gone. Besides, the gods Will have fulfill'd their secret purposes; For has not the divine Apollo said, Is't not the tenour of his oracle, That king Leontes shall not have an heir Till his lost child be found? which that it shall, Is all as monstrous to our human reason As my Antigonus to break his grave And come again to me; who, on my life, Did perish with the infant. 'Tis your counsel My lord should to the heavens be contrary, Oppose against their wills. - [To LEONTES.] Care not for issue; The crown will find an heir: great Alexander Left his to the worthiest; so his successor Was like to be the best. LEONTES. Good Paulina, - Who hast the memory of Hermione, I know, in honour, - O that ever I Had squar'd me to thy counsel! - then, even now, I might have look'd upon my queen's full eyes, Have taken treasure from her lips, - PAULINA. And left them More rich for what they yielded. LEONTES. Thou speak'st truth. No more such wives; therefore, no wife: one worse, And better us'd, would make her sainted spirit Again possess her corpse; and on this stage, - Where we offend her now, - appear soul-vexed, And begin 'Why to me?' PAULINA. Had she such power, She had just cause. LEONTES. She had; and would incense me To murder her I married. PAULINA. I should so. Were I the ghost that walk'd, I'd bid you mark Her eye, and tell me for what dull part in't You chose her: then I'd shriek, that even your ears Should rift to hear me; and the words that follow'd Should be 'Remember mine!' LEONTES. Stars, stars, And all eyes else dead coals! - fear thou no wife; I'll have no wife, Paulina. PAULINA. Will you swear Never to marry but by my free leave? LEONTES. Never, Paulina; so be bless'd my spirit! PAULINA. Then, good my lords, bear witness to his oath. CLEOMENES. You tempt him over-much. PAULINA. Unless another, As like Hermione as is her picture, Affront his eye. CLEOMENES. Good madam, - PAULINA. I have done. Yet, if my lord will marry, - if you will, sir, No remedy but you will, - give me the office To choose you a queen: she shall not be so young As was your former; but she shall be such As, walk'd your first queen's ghost, it should take joy To see her in your arms. LEONTES. My true Paulina, We shall not marry till thou bidd'st us. PAULINA. That Shall be when your first queen's again in breath; Never till then. [Enter a GENTLEMAN.] GENTLEMAN. One that gives out himself Prince Florizel, Son of Polixenes, with his princess, - she The fairest I have yet beheld, - desires access To your high presence. LEONTES. What with him? he comes not Like to his father's greatness: his approach, So out of circumstance and sudden, tells us 'Tis not a visitation fram'd, but forc'd By need and accident. What train? GENTLEMAN. But few, And those but mean. LEONTES. His princess, say you, with him? GENTLEMAN. Ay; the most peerless piece of earth, I think, That e'er the sun shone bright on. PAULINA. O Hermione, As every present time doth boast itself Above a better gone, so must thy grave Give way to what's seen now! Sir, you yourself Have said and writ so, - but your writing now Is colder than that theme, - 'She had not been, Nor was not to be equall'd'; thus your verse Flow'd with her beauty once; 'tis shrewdly ebb'd, To say you have seen a better. GENTLEMAN. Pardon, madam: The one I have almost forgot, - your pardon; - The other, when she has obtain'd your eye, Will have your tongue too. This is a creature, Would she begin a sect, might quench the zeal Of all professors else; make proselytes Of who she but bid follow. PAULINA. How! not women? GENTLEMAN. Women will love her that she is a woman More worth than any man; men, that she is The rarest of all women. LEONTES. Go, Cleomenes; Yourself, assisted with your honour'd friends, Bring them to our embracement. - [Exeunt CLEOMENES, Lords, and Gent.] Still, 'tis strange He thus should steal upon us. PAULINA. Had our prince, - Jewel of children, - seen this hour, he had pair'd Well with this lord: there was not full a month Between their births. LEONTES. Pr'ythee no more; cease; Thou know'st He dies to me again when talk'd of: sure, When I shall see this gentleman, thy speeches Will bring me to consider that which may Unfurnish me of reason. - They are come. - [Re-enter CLEOMENES, with FLORIZEL, PERDITA, and Attendants.] Your mother was most true to wedlock, prince; For she did print your royal father off, Conceiving you: were I but twenty-one, Your father's image is so hit in you, His very air, that I should call you brother, As I did him, and speak of something wildly By us perform'd before. Most dearly welcome! And your fair princess, - goddess! O, alas! I lost a couple that 'twixt heaven and earth Might thus have stood, begetting wonder, as You, gracious couple, do! And then I lost, - All mine own folly, - the society, Amity too, of your brave father, whom, Though bearing misery, I desire my life Once more to look on him. FLORIZEL. By his command Have I here touch'd Sicilia, and from him Give you all greetings that a king, at friend, Can send his brother: and, but infirmity, - Which waits upon worn times, - hath something seiz'd His wish'd ability, he had himself The lands and waters 'twixt your throne and his Measur'd, to look upon you; whom he loves, He bade me say so, - more than all the sceptres And those that bear them, living. LEONTES. O my brother, - Good gentleman! - the wrongs I have done thee stir Afresh within me; and these thy offices, So rarely kind, are as interpreters Of my behind-hand slackness! - Welcome hither, As is the spring to the earth. And hath he too Expos'd this paragon to the fearful usage, - At least ungentle, - of the dreadful Neptune, To greet a man not worth her pains, much less The adventure of her person? FLORIZEL. Good, my lord, She came from Libya. LEONTES. Where the warlike Smalus, That noble honour'd lord, is fear'd and lov'd? FLORIZEL. Most royal sir, from thence; from him whose daughter His tears proclaim'd his, parting with her: thence, - A prosperous south-wind friendly, we have cross'd, To execute the charge my father gave me, For visiting your highness: my best train I have from your Sicilian shores dismiss'd; Who for Bohemia bend, to signify Not only my success in Libya, sir, But my arrival, and my wife's, in safety Here, where we are. LEONTES. The blessèd gods Purge all infection from our air whilst you Do climate here! You have a holy father, A graceful gentleman; against whose person, So sacred as it is, I have done sin: For which the heavens, taking angry note, Have left me issueless; and your father's bless'd, - As he from heaven merits it, - with you Worthy his goodness. What might I have been, Might I a son and daughter now have look'd on, Such goodly things as you! [Enter a Lord.] LORD. Most noble sir, That which I shall report will bear no credit, Were not the proof so nigh. Please you, great sir, Bohemia greets you from himself by me; Desires you to attach his son, who has, - His dignity and duty both cast off, - Fled from his father, from his hopes, and with A shepherd's daughter. LEONTES. Where's Bohemia? speak. LORD. Here in your city; I now came from him: I speak amazedly; and it becomes My marvel and my message. To your court Whiles he was hast'ning, - in the chase, it seems, Of this fair couple, - meets he on the way The father of this seeming lady and Her brother, having both their country quitted With this young prince. FLORIZEL. Camillo has betray'd me; Whose honour and whose honesty, till now, Endur'd all weathers. LORD. Lay't so to his charge; He's with the king your father. LEONTES. Who? Camillo? LORD. Camillo, sir; I spake with him; who now Has these poor men in question. Never saw I Wretches so quake: they kneel, they kiss the earth; Forswear themselves as often as they speak: Bohemia stops his ears, and threatens them With divers deaths in death. PERDITA. O my poor father! - The heaven sets spies upon us, will not have Our contract celebrated. LEONTES. You are married? FLORIZEL. We are not, sir, nor are we like to be; The stars, I see, will kiss the valleys first: - The odds for high and low's alike. LEONTES. My lord, Is this the daughter of a king? FLORIZEL. She is, When once she is my wife. LEONTES. That once, I see by your good father's speed, Will come on very slowly. I am sorry, Most sorry, you have broken from his liking, Where you were tied in duty; and as sorry Your choice is not so rich in worth as beauty, That you might well enjoy her. FLORIZEL. Dear, look up: Though Fortune, visible an enemy, Should chase us with my father, power no jot Hath she to change our loves. - Beseech you, sir, Remember since you ow'd no more to time Than I do now: with thought of such affections, Step forth mine advocate; at your request My father will grant precious things as trifles. LEONTES. Would he do so, I'd beg your precious mistress, Which he counts but a trifle. PAULINA. Sir, my liege, Your eye hath too much youth in't: not a month 'Fore your queen died, she was more worth such gazes Than what you look on now. LEONTES. I thought of her Even in these looks I made. - [To FLORIZEL.] But your petition Is yet unanswer'd. I will to your father. Your honour not o'erthrown by your desires, I am friend to them and you: upon which errand I now go toward him; therefore, follow me, And mark what way I make. Come, good my lord. [Exeunt.] SCENE II. The same. Before the Palace. [Enter AUTOLYCUS and a Gentleman.] AUTOLYCUS. Beseech you, sir, were you present at this relation? FIRST GENTLEMAN. I was by at the opening of the fardel, heard the old shepherd deliver the manner how he found it: whereupon, after a little amazedness, we were all commanded out of the chamber; only this, methought I heard the shepherd say he found the child. AUTOLYCUS. I would most gladly know the issue of it. FIRST GENTLEMAN. I make a broken delivery of the business; but the changes I perceived in the king and Camillo were very notes of admiration. They seem'd almost, with staring on one another, to tear the cases of their eyes; there was speech in their dumbness, language in their very gesture; they looked as they had heard of a world ransomed, or one destroyed: a notable passion of wonder appeared in them; but the wisest beholder, that knew no more but seeing could not say if the importance were joy or sorrow; - but in the extremity of the one, it must needs be. Here comes a gentleman that happily knows more. [Enter a Gentleman.] The news, Rogero? SECOND GENTLEMAN. Nothing but bonfires: the oracle is fulfilled: the king's daughter is found: such a deal of wonder is broken out within this hour that ballad-makers cannot be able to express it. Here comes the Lady Paulina's steward: he can deliver you more. [Enter a third Gentleman.] How goes it now, sir? This news, which is called true, is so like an old tale that the verity of it is in strong suspicion. Has the king found his heir? THIRD GENTLEMAN. Most true, if ever truth were pregnant by circumstance. That which you hear you'll swear you see, there is such unity in the proofs. The mantle of Queen Hermione; her jewel about the neck of it; the letters of Antigonus, found with it, which they know to be his character; the majesty of the creature in resemblance of the mother; the affection of nobleness, which nature shows above her breeding; and many other evidences, - proclaim her with all certainty to be the king's daughter. Did you see the meeting of the two kings? SECOND GENTLEMAN. No. THIRD GENTLEMAN. Then you have lost a sight which was to be seen, cannot be spoken of. There might you have beheld one joy crown another, so and in such manner that it seemed sorrow wept to take leave of them; for their joy waded in tears. There was casting up of eyes, holding up of hands, with countenance of such distraction that they were to be known by garment, not by favour. Our king, being ready to leap out of himself for joy of his found daughter, as if that joy were now become a loss, cries 'O, thy mother, thy mother!' then asks Bohemia forgiveness; then embraces his son-in-law; then again worries he his daughter with clipping her; now he thanks the old shepherd, which stands by like a weather-bitten conduit of many kings' reigns. I never heard of such another encounter, which lames report to follow it, and undoes description to do it. SECOND GENTLEMAN. What, pray you, became of Antigonus, that carried hence the child? THIRD GENTLEMAN. Like an old tale still, which will have matter to rehearse, though credit be asleep and not an ear open. He was torn to pieces with a bear: this avouches the shepherd's son, who has not only his innocence, - which seems much, - to justify him, but a handkerchief and rings of his, that Paulina knows. FIRST GENTLEMAN. What became of his bark and his followers? THIRD GENTLEMAN. Wrecked the same instant of their master's death, and in the view of the shepherd: so that all the instruments which aided to expose the child were even then lost when it was found. But, O, the noble combat that 'twixt joy and sorrow was fought in Paulina! She had one eye declined for the loss of her husband, another elevated that the oracle was fulfilled: she lifted the princess from the earth, and so locks her in embracing, as if she would pin her to her heart, that she might no more be in danger of losing. FIRST GENTLEMAN. The dignity of this act was worth the audience of kings and princes; for by such was it acted. THIRD GENTLEMAN. One of the prettiest touches of all, and that which angled for mine eyes, - caught the water, though not the fish, - was, when at the relation of the queen's death, with the manner how she came to it, - bravely confessed and lamented by the king, - how attentivenes wounded his daughter; till, from one sign of dolour to another, she did with an 'Alas!' - I would fain say, bleed tears; for I am sure my heart wept blood. Who was most marble there changed colour; some swooned, all sorrowed: if all the world could have seen it, the woe had been universal. FIRST GENTLEMAN. Are they returned to the court? THIRD GENTLEMAN. No: the princess hearing of her mother's statue, which is in the keeping of Paulina, - a piece many years in doing and now newly performed by that rare Italian master, Julio Romano, who, had he himself eternity, and could put breath into his work, would beguile nature of her custom, so perfectly he is her ape: he so near to Hermione hath done Hermione that they say one would speak to her and stand in hope of answer: - thither with all greediness of affection are they gone; and there they intend to sup. SECOND GENTLEMAN. I thought she had some great matter there in hand; for she hath privately twice or thrice a day, ever since the death of Hermione, visited that removed house. Shall we thither, and with our company piece the rejoicing? FIRST GENTLEMAN. Who would be thence that has the benefit of access? every wink of an eye some new grace will be born: our absence makes us unthrifty to our knowledge. Let's along. [Exeunt GENTLEMEN.] AUTOLYCUS. Now, had I not the dash of my former life in me, would preferment drop on my head. I brought the old man and his son aboard the prince; told him I heard them talk of a fardel and I know not what; but he at that time over-fond of the shepherd's daughter, - so he then took her to be, - who began to be much sea-sick, and himself little better, extremity of weather continuing, this mystery remained undiscover'd. But 'tis all one to me; for had I been the finder-out of this secret, it would not have relish'd among my other discredits. Here come those I have done good to against my will, and already appearing in the blossoms of their fortune. [Enter Shepherd and Clown.] SHEPHERD. Come, boy; I am past more children, but thy sons and daughters will be all gentlemen born. CLOWN. You are well met, sir: you denied to fight with me this other day, because I was no gentleman born. See you these clothes? say you see them not and think me still no gentleman born: you were best say these robes are not gentlemen born. Give me the lie, do; and try whether I am not now a gentleman born. AUTOLYCUS. I know you are now, sir, a gentleman born. CLOWN. Ay, and have been so any time these four hours. SHEPHERD. And so have I, boy! CLOWN. So you have: - but I was a gentleman born before my father; for the king's son took me by the hand and called me brother; and then the two kings called my father brother; and then the prince, my brother, and the princess, my sister, called my father father; and so we wept; and there was the first gentleman-like tears that ever we shed. SHEPHERD. We may live, son, to shed many more. CLOWN. Ay; or else 'twere hard luck, being in so preposterous estate as we are. AUTOLYCUS. I humbly beseech you, sir, to pardon me all the faults I have committed to your worship, and to give me your good report to the prince my master. SHEPHERD. Pr'ythee, son, do; for we must be gentle, now we are gentlemen. CLOWN. Thou wilt amend thy life? AUTOLYCUS. Ay, an it like your good worship. CLOWN. Give me thy hand: I will swear to the prince thou art as honest a true fellow as any is in Bohemia. SHEPHERD. You may say it, but not swear it. CLOWN. Not swear it, now I am a gentleman? Let boors and franklins say it, I'll swear it. SHEPHERD. How if it be false, son? CLOWN. If it be ne'er so false, a true gentleman may swear it in the behalf of his friend. - And I'll swear to the prince thou art a tall fellow of thy hands and that thou wilt not be drunk; but I know thou art no tall fellow of thy hands and that thou wilt be drunk: but I'll swear it; and I would thou wouldst be a tall fellow of thy hands. AUTOLYCUS. I will prove so, sir, to my power. CLOWN. Ay, by any means, prove a tall fellow: if I do not wonder how thou darest venture to be drunk, not being a tall fellow, trust me not. - Hark! the kings and the princes, our kindred, are going to see the queen's picture. Come, follow us: we'll be thy good masters. [Exeunt.] SCENE III. The same. A Room in PAULINA's house. [Enter LEONTES, POLIXENES, FLORIZEL, PERDITA, CAMILLO, PAULINA, Lords and Attendants.] LEONTES. O grave and good Paulina, the great comfort That I have had of thee! PAULINA. What, sovereign sir, I did not well, I meant well. All my services You have paid home: but that you have vouchsaf'd, With your crown'd brother and these your contracted Heirs of your kingdoms, my poor house to visit, It is a surplus of your grace which never My life may last to answer. LEONTES. O Paulina, We honour you with trouble: - but we came To see the statue of our queen: your gallery Have we pass'd through, not without much content In many singularities; but we saw not That which my daughter came to look upon, The statue of her mother. PAULINA. As she liv'd peerless, So her dead likeness, I do well believe, Excels whatever yet you look'd upon Or hand of man hath done; therefore I keep it Lonely, apart. But here it is: prepare To see the life as lively mock'd as ever Still sleep mock'd death: behold; and say 'tis well. [PAULINA undraws a curtain, and discovers HERMIONE, standing as a statue.] I like your silence, - it the more shows off Your wonder: but yet speak; - first, you, my liege. Comes it not something near? LEONTES. Her natural posture! - Chide me, dear stone, that I may say indeed Thou art Hermione; or rather, thou art she In thy not chiding; for she was as tender As infancy and grace. - But yet, Paulina, Hermione was not so much wrinkled; nothing So agèd, as this seems. POLIXENES. O, not by much! PAULINA. So much the more our carver's excellence; Which lets go by some sixteen years, and makes her As she liv'd now. LEONTES. As now she might have done, So much to my good comfort, as it is Now piercing to my soul. O, thus she stood, Even with such life of majesty, - warm life, As now it coldly stands, - when first I woo'd her! I am asham'd: does not the stone rebuke me For being more stone than it? - O royal piece, There's magic in thy majesty; which has My evils conjur'd to remembrance; and From thy admiring daughter took the spirits, Standing like stone with thee! PERDITA. And give me leave; And do not say 'tis superstition, that I kneel, and then implore her blessing. - Lady, Dear queen, that ended when I but began, Give me that hand of yours to kiss. PAULINA. O, patience! The statue is but newly fix'd, the colour's Not dry. CAMILLO. My lord, your sorrow was too sore laid on, Which sixteen winters cannot blow away, So many summers dry; scarce any joy Did ever so long live; no sorrow But kill'd itself much sooner. POLIXENES. Dear my brother, Let him that was the cause of this have power To take off so much grief from you as he Will piece up in himself. PAULINA. Indeed, my lord, If I had thought the sight of my poor image Would thus have wrought you, - for the stone is mine, - I'd not have show'd it. LEONTES. Do not draw the curtain. PAULINA. No longer shall you gaze on't; lest your fancy May think anon it moves. LEONTES. Let be, let be. - Would I were dead, but that, methinks, already - What was he that did make it? See, my lord, Would you not deem it breath'd, and that those veins Did verily bear blood? POLIXENES. Masterly done: The very life seems warm upon her lip. LEONTES. The fixture of her eye has motion in't, As we are mock'd with art. PAULINA. I'll draw the curtain: My lord's almost so far transported that He'll think anon it lives. LEONTES. O sweet Paulina, Make me to think so twenty years together! No settled senses of the world can match The pleasure of that madness. Let't alone. PAULINA. I am sorry, sir, I have thus far stirr'd you: but I could afflict you further. LEONTES. Do, Paulina; For this affliction has a taste as sweet As any cordial comfort. - Still, methinks, There is an air comes from her: what fine chisel Could ever yet cut breath? Let no man mock me, For I will kiss her! PAULINA. Good my lord, forbear: The ruddiness upon her lip is wet; You'll mar it if you kiss it; stain your own With oily painting. Shall I draw the curtain? LEONTES. No, not these twenty years. PERDITA. So long could I Stand by, a looker on. PAULINA. Either forbear, Quit presently the chapel, or resolve you For more amazement. If you can behold it, I'll make the statue move indeed, descend, And take you by the hand, but then you'll think, - Which I protest against, - I am assisted By wicked powers. LEONTES. What you can make her do I am content to look on: what to speak, I am content to hear; for 'tis as easy To make her speak as move. PAULINA. It is requir'd You do awake your faith. Then all stand still; Or those that think it is unlawful business I am about, let them depart. LEONTES. Proceed: No foot shall stir. PAULINA. Music, awake her: strike. - [Music.] 'Tis time; descend; be stone no more; approach; Strike all that look upon with marvel. Come; I'll fill your grave up: stir; nay, come away; Bequeath to death your numbness, for from him Dear life redeems you. - You perceive she stirs. [HERMIONE comes down from the pedestal.] Start not; her actions shall be holy as You hear my spell is lawful: do not shun her Until you see her die again; for then You kill her double. Nay, present your hand: When she was young you woo'd her; now in age Is she become the suitor? LEONTES. [Embracing her.] O, she's warm! If this be magic, let it be an art Lawful as eating. POLIXENES. She embraces him. CAMILLO. She hangs about his neck: If she pertain to life, let her speak too. POLIXENES. Ay, and make it manifest where she has liv'd, Or how stol'n from the dead. PAULINA. That she is living, Were it but told you, should be hooted at Like an old tale; but it appears she lives, Though yet she speak not. Mark a little while. - Please you to interpose, fair madam: kneel, And pray your mother's blessing. - Turn, good lady; Our Perdita is found. [Presenting PERDITA, who kneels to HERMIONE.] HERMIONE. You gods, look down, And from your sacred vials pour your graces Upon my daughter's head! - Tell me, mine own, Where hast thou been preserv'd? where liv'd? how found Thy father's court? for thou shalt hear that I, - Knowing by Paulina that the oracle Gave hope thou wast in being, - have preserv'd Myself to see the issue. PAULINA. There's time enough for that; Lest they desire upon this push to trouble Your joys with like relation. - Go together, You precious winners all; your exultation Partake to every one. I, an old turtle, Will wing me to some wither'd bough, and there My mate, that's never to be found again, Lament till I am lost. LEONTES. O peace, Paulina! Thou shouldst a husband take by my consent, As I by thine a wife: this is a match, And made between's by vows. Thou hast found mine; But how, is to be question'd: for I saw her, As I thought, dead; and have, in vain, said many A prayer upon her grave. I'll not seek far, - For him, I partly know his mind, - to find thee An honourable husband. - Come, Camillo, And take her by the hand, whose worth and honesty Is richly noted, and here justified By us, a pair of kings. - Let's from this place. - What! look upon my brother: - both your pardons, That e'er I put between your holy looks My ill suspicion. - This your son-in-law, And son unto the king, whom heavens directing, Is troth-plight to your daughter. - Good Paulina, Lead us from hence; where we may leisurely Each one demand, and answer to his part Perform'd in this wide gap of time, since first We were dissever'd: hastily lead away! [Exeunt.] Publication Date: May 29th 2008 https://www.bookrix.com/-bx.shakespeare

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-rashel-j-married-to-him/

Rashel J. Married?To Him? Seriously... I dedicate this to my friend,Mahalea,for being there and going with me on all of our crazy adventures.I love you,Haley! Boyfriend Chapter 1 As I was in class, listening to the teacher drone on and on about the nucleus inside of a cell, I was doodling in my notebook. I was drawing a black widow spider. Next to it I wrote the words "Fatal Beauty". The bell rang (which scared the life out of me!). The next thing I know, I'm being dragged out of class by my best friend Alexa. "Hey. Listen we need to talk." she said sternly. "About what?" I said becoming nervous. Usually when she had something to say it was something I didn't want to hear. "As you know, everyone who is going to my party has a date...except for you." she said. "So?Why should I have a date?I mean it's not like I'd date them otherwise." I said, pushing my locker closed. "Because everyone else does!" Alexa stepped in front of me causing me to stop. "I'm not everyone else, Alexa." I muttered. "You are right. You are just Amber Forest, a really pretty girl that has a twisted sense of humor and is a great friend!" Alexa said.Ugh, I hated it when she said that. "Fine. I'll bring a date." I sighed. She clapped her hands. "Thank you so much! Wait,what color are you going to wear?" Alexa asked biting her glossy lip. I thought for a moment. "Green." I decided. She smiled and walked away. "Wait! Alexa! What did you want to know what color I was wearing for?!" I was about to follow her, but the stupid bell rang. I walked into my trigonometry class and sat in my usual seat in the back. I let my long,waist length black hair fall over my face like curtain. Mr.Brundage, my teacher, came in and announced that we were having a pop quiz. The class groaned, but I just smirked. The papers started getting passed back. Nathan Scott sat in front of me. When he turned to give me my paper, he opened his mouth. "Hey, Amber. I heard that you don't have a date to Alexa's party yet. Do you want to go with me?" he asked. Deciding that it probably couldn't get better then him, I sighed. "Sure." I took my paper and put my head down quickly. "Mr.Scott? Is there something you would like to say?" Mr.Brundage raised one brow. "No, Mr.B." Nathan muttered. After that, the class was completely quiet. When I finished the test, I took out a notebook and started drawing ideas for my dress. It started out with a heart-shaped bodice that showed off my curves. Then it flowered out near the bottom. It stopped just above the knee. It was a simple dress. Next,I designed some flats. "Please pass your tests forward. You will get your grades tomorrow." Mr.Brundage said just when the bell rang. I put my notebook away and passed my test forward. I stood up and left the classroom. Guess who followed me to my locker? Michael Della, the most stuck up guy in my school. "What do want, Michael?" I asked, opening my locker. "You know what I want." he said. "Well, you know, besides that." I sighed. "Hmmm, let's see, well, I want you to be my girlfriend. Why don't you ever say yes?"He leaned against the wall. "Because you're a major ass and because I already have a boyfriend." I said without thinking. "Oh yeah? Where is he?" Michael asked challenging me.I scanned the crowd and saw Nathan walking by. I grabbed his hand. "This is my boyfriend." I said. "You her boyfriend?" Michael asked. I dug my nails into his hand. "Yeah, why?" Nathan asked. "Nothing. Bye, Amber." he winked at me and walked away. Nathan snorted. "He is a horrible liar." he said. I chuckled. "Bye. I'll see you later." I waved before he could ask questions. "You better leave him alone. He's mine so back off." someone hissed behind me. I turned around. It was Brooklyn Parnell. Head cheerleader and the school's Queen Bee. "What are you talking about?" I mumbled. "Michael, who else? He's mine.We may be off right now, but he is still mine." she said. "Listen, I don't want him. You need to tell him to leave me alone. Got it?" I stalked off towards my next class. I smirked as I heard the frustruated scream of Brooklyn and heard her heels stomp down the hall in the opposite direction. Just before my hand could reach for the door, another shot out and opened it for me. I looked up and smiled at the stranger then entered the classroom and sat in the back. Once I entered, I heard the most annoying noise ever: Ms.Clark, my English Studies teacher (I swore to myself that one day, I would have her assinated.). "Good morning, class. Before we begin, I would like to announce that we have a new student."Ms.Clark said, standing up her stick-like body from her chair and touched the boy's shoulder. The same exact boy who opened the door for me. "Would you like to introduce yourself?" Ms.Clark asked, flashing her rotten toothed smile. I saw the Viking blond boy wince at her teeth and I snickered. "My name is Brian Molltiese, I'm 17 years old and as you can tell, I'm new here."he said. I noticed he had a slight Irish accent. I heard some girls sigh with longing at his voice. "Well then, Brian, I am your English Studies teacher, Ms.Clark.Why don't you take any seat that is empty and we will begin." Ms.Skank (all the students call her that behind her back because she flirts with half the male teachers at this school and even flirts with the male students!). Unfortunetly, the only empty seat was next to me. As usual, I get the bad luck. He sat down and stuck his hand out to me. "Hi, I'm Brian." he said. I looked up out of my Chinese bang and held my hand out to reach his. "Hey, I'm Amber." I said with a half smile. I looked him over. He had curly blond hair that stopped just above his eye brows on his forehead, eyes as green as hellebore flowers, and of course, he had the beautiful face of an Angel. I dropped his hand quickly and pulled it back into the curtain of black, stormy curls. I pulled my attention back to the now darkened room,where on the screen was a movie about something that had to do with econommics. I kept my eyes on the screen, but I could tell Brian was sneeking glances at me every now and then. But, me being the independent girl I am, I ignored him. Sooner then I thought, class was over, the lights were switched on and a storm of girls ran over to my table. "Hey Brian, do you need help with finding your classes?" "Hey Brian, can you find your locker, because if not, I could help you?" "Hey Brian, do you want to sit with us at lunch?"and this went on and on until I walked out of the classroom, not being able to hear anymore. As I was fighting my way through the thick crowd toward my locker, I found Nathan, leaning against my blue locker. I put a fake smile on my face. "Hey, Boyfriend."I said as I grabbed his hand. He looked surprised. "Hey, Girlfriend." he said back. "Oh my gosh, I owe you one. Thank you!" I said,giving Nathan a hug. "I know you owe me. You can repay me by giving me a dramatic kiss on the lips at Alexa's party." he smiled. I was pretty sure that if I looked down,my jaw would be on the floor. I closed my mouth and gulped. "Fine. It's a deal." I said.Nathan gasped in mock surprise. "Wow! Amber the Rock has given in this quickly. This is a shocker!"he said, widening his eyes. I playfully punched him in his arm. "Whatever. Well, anyway, I guess I'll see you at lunch." I sighed, pulling out my Science notebook and heading back towards the classroom. Chapter 2 I'm sitting in class thinking, did I really just flirt with Nathan? Oh yeah, I did.What the hell is wrong with me?Okay, before you get all when-is-this-chick-gonig-to-get-to-the-vampire-part, let me tell you, I am the vampire. Well, atleast half.I'm half angel, too.Now, don't get all excited. Here is the list of things we vampires do: 1.)We drink blood 2.)We are immortal 3.)We are very beautiful 4.)It's true we don't get along with werewolves (they really do smell like dogs.) 5.)We will die if you stake us (Duh, it would kill anybody) 6.)We have heartbeats 7.)We are abnormally smart 8.)And we can eat normal food, after all, blood doesn't have everything in it. Here are some things that aren't true about us: 1.)We don't burn up in the sun 2.)We surely do not sparkle 3.)We don't need an invitation to walk into someones house 4.)We are not dead (Come on,that's gross! Our skin would get all wrinkly!) 5.)We are not souless and evil 6.)We are sooo not gothic (I mean hello? Wearing black all the time is depressing, but hey, I wear black sometimes.) 7.)And, we don't turn all ugly, growling, and hissing like a cat when we're feeding or angry Yeah, and that's about it. I zoned back in to the class and realized that someone had sat next to me at the two-seater table. I looked at them through my bang. It was Candice Smith. "Hey Candi, what's up?" I said. We were good friends, after all, I helped her get through her parents divorce last year. Candi's cropped brown haired head turned towards me. She looked at me with her regular brown eyes. "Hey, Amber. I'm good. Um...I've been meaning to tell you something." she started playing with her fingers. I narrowed my eyes. Candi only did that when she had to tell me something that I wouldn't like. "What is it? Bad or good? If it's bad, tell me later." I said. "Um..both, I guess." she sighed. "Then tell me." I muttered. "I'm dating Justin." she said rapidlly. I froze in my doodling. "Justin. As in Justin Cox, my cousin!" I said.Candi nodded. Ah,my cousin,Justin. He was a nice boy, well mannered, treated girls and women with respect. I gave her a small smile. "I'm glad for you. Just be careful, he likes bite sometimes." I whispered in her ear. She blushed scarlet all the way to her ears. I love my family. Surprisingly,vampires are very family oriented. We always stay in touch. The bell rung about a couple seconds after Candi's blush faded. "Later, Candi." I smiled at her and left. I looked at my touch screen phone. 12:45. Great, lunch time. I was starving. I put my books away and shut my locker. I looked down the crowded hallways and saw Brian, swamped by 20 girls. He looked nervous and uncomfortable. I could practilly smell it. I sighed and started towards the group. Of course, I had to go save the newbie. I held in a giggle because I realized that all of these girls were cheerleaders. "Girls, coach needs all of you to go to the locker room. She has something to tell you!" I shouted. All the girls stopped talking and rushed to the locker room. They knew never to mess Coach Walsh. "Thanks." Brian let out a sigh of relief. "Hey ,do you want do sit with me for lunch, or do are you going to sit with the Populars?" I asked. "Why would I sit with them? Their table is full of those...things." he shuddered. I just laughed. "And this isn't even the begining. By the time school is over, you're going to be scarred for life." I giggled. He gulped. "Come on." I led him to my table and we started eating. "Who is this hunky piece of boy at our table?" a familiar voice said behind me. I turned to see the rest of my friends;Alyce, Alexa, Zack, Charles, Christal, and Patrick. "Oh no! They're here, too?"Brian asked, his voice a octave higher. "No. This ash blond cat over here is Alyce, the one with red hair is Alexa, the one with grey eyes is Charles, the tall one is Zack, the one who is blushing is Christal, and the one who is making her blush is Patrick. Everybody, this is Brian Molltiese. The newbie and newest victim of the Bitch Squad." I said. Zack sat next to Brian and patted his back. "Dude, I feel sorry for you." he said with a look of sympathy. "If you're ever in trouble, come to me.Okay, Boy Boy?" Alyce said to him flipping her blond hair. "Great. She gave him a nickname." Charles muttered. "Is that a bad thing?" Brian whispered to me from acrcoss the table. "I don't know." I sighed. I chuckled at the look on his face. "Hey, have you found a date to my party yet?" Alexa asked. Everyone at the table turned and looked at me. "Yes." I said. "Who is it?" Christal asked, her brown eyes glittering with curiosity. I was about to tell them, when I got a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and grinned. "Hey, Boyfriend. I was about to tell them about you." I said to Nathan. Everyone gasped. "Hey, Girlfriend. I came to ask you a question." Nathan said sitting on my lap. I heard Patrick stiffle a growl, since he was like a brother to me. "Shoot." I sighed. "What color?" he asked. "Green." I said. "Okay. See ya later, Girlfriend." he got up and walked away. I heard everyone let out a breath. "Whoa. You're dating Nathan Scott? The Girl Rejecter? How is that possible?" Alyce said. "Don't forget, this Amber we're talking about." Charles sighed. "True, but still. He has rejected every girl in this school." Alyce put her thinking face on. "Actually, I'm not dating Nathan. He's my date to Alexa's party." I explained. They didn't look convinced. "Then what was with the 'Girlfriend', 'Boyfriend' thing?" Christal asked. "Michael kept asking me out so I told him Nathan was my boyfriend. So, now Michael thinks he's my boyfriend." I said. "Oh." was murmured around the table. Brian hadn't said anything. "Brian? Is something wrong?" I asked him while everyone else was talking. He looked up and I was suprised to see anger, but all I could sense was that it wasn't directed at me. "I'm fine. I have to go." he got up and left the lunch room. Chapter 3 I didn't see Brian for the rest of the day, either because we didn't have any more classes together, or because he was avoiding me. At the end of the school day, Alexa wouldn't stop talking about what happened with Nathan in the lunch room. "Oh my gosh! You two were so cute! I mean, I never noticed how good a couple you two would make." she was going on and on. "Shut up already! Gosh, it's not like we're dating." I shrieked.She looked up at (Well,down,because I'm so short.)me before getting in my Alfa Romeo. "Whatever. I bet you're going to be the second best good looking couple there." she put lip gloss on. I guess I better tell her now. "Look, at the party, I'm going to kiss Nathan-" was all I got out before I was interupted. "What! Oh my gosh, I knew it! I knew you liked him!" Alexa yelled. "-Because I owe him." I finished. She pouted. "Oh." she sighed. I rolled my eyes as I pulled up to her house. "See you tomorrow. I'll call you later." I said as she got out and I pulled off. When I was about 5 minutes away from my house, a figure jumped in front of my car. Of course, it was the one and only, my brother. When I stopped, he knocked on my passenger window. I opened the door and he got in. "Hello, little sister. Your looking a little on the short side today." he chuckled. "Shut up. You know I don't like talking about my height." I growled. He just laughed. "That's not funny, Chris!" I pulled into the drive way. He still didn't stop laughing. "I'm telling everybody!" I yelled as I ran out of my car. People say I'm short enough so they get the feeling to protect me. But, I'm not short, I'm fun-sized. Now if you're wondering just who these 'Everybody' are I'll tell you; there's my oldest brother, Joseph, who is 700 years old, Lucas, who is 528 years, Mikee, he's 109, Trinity, who is 87, Mary (she's my favorite.), who is 67, and Emma, who is 40. Chris (who is 18) and I (I'm 17) are the only ones at a human age. Just so you know, we can stop the aging process whenever we want. "Chris hurt my feelings!" I yelled, running through the house. "What did he do?" all my siblings said at the same time in front of me. "Amber! Im going to kill you!" Chris yelled. When he saw me with our brothers and sisters, his face paled. "Uh oh." he sqeaked and ran. "Get him!" Mary yelled, her dark brown hair raced away. Everyone else laughed and went, too. I was skipping down the hall to my room when I suddenly hit a brick wall. I stumbled, but big arms kept me up. I looked up and smiled. "Hi, daddy!" I said. I jumped up to hug him. Hey, I love my daddy, he's the one who chose for me to be a girl. I love my mom too, but ya know, I have to because she is the one who gave birth to my awesome self. I jumped down. There was a crash down stairs. "What's going on?" daddy raised one black eye brow. I get my hair, my complextion, and my dimples from him. I got my height and my eyes from my mom. "Nothing." I said in a voice that would make sugar taste sour. He smiled and wakled away, knowing I was just kidding. I walked the rest of the way to my room. My room is awesome. It's emerald green. Everything is that color. I bet you're thinking, "Why is it emerald green?". Why?Because green is awesome. I flopped on my bed and took out my phone. I had one text message. It was from Nathan. Nathan: Hey, Girlfriend. You want to help me find an outfit for the party? Me:Hey, Boyfriend. Sure. Where do you want to meet? Nathan: Meet me in the food court in front of Taco Bell at the mall. Me: KK. Be there in 5. I smiled to myself. I was going to give him a make over. I put on a black shirt that said in green 'I'm With My Boyfriend, So Stop Staring.' in big green letters with a green arrow pointing to the right. Then, I put on some black skinny jeans that said 'Don't Drool. It's Unattractive Like Your Face.' on my butt. I put on some green flats, put my hair in cute pig tails with a side fringe, and a necklace with an emerald the size of my thumb nail on it. Then, I grabbed my phone and my keys and left. ~~~~~~~ I got there right on time. Nathan was waving to me like a lunatic. I grabbed his arm. "Come on." I made sure the arrow was pointing at him. First, we bought him a V neck T-shirt that was black, a black and green plaid button shirt, faded black skinny jeans, and black and green converse. Once he was done, I bought the same thing, except in the girl version, without him knowing. Nathan's P.O.V When we were shopping, her face was always lighting up with delight. I loved her outfit. Guys kept staring at her, but I glared at them when she wasn't looking. She was so happy, she didn't even notice that I was holding her hand. I liked her alot, but there was no point. My kind can't get involved with humans. I mean, the Vampire Council would never allow it. All of a sudden, my phone started ringing my father's ringtone. "Hold on, this is my dad." I smiled at her before walking some distance away. "Hello." I said. "Nathan, you need to get home, now.Your mother and I need to tell you something important." my father's voice deep voice said. I looked over at Amber. "But, dad.I'm-" I was cut off. "I don't care about what you're doing. This is more important." he said harshly and then hung up. I groaned. I walked back to Amber. "Listen, Amber, my dad needs me at home. Let me walk you to your car." I grabbed her hand and led her out of the mall. We stopped at her car. She gave me my bags and put hers in her car. Then,she turned around and gave me a hug. I tried to hide my excitement. I hugged her back. "I had fun today. I guess, I'll see you tomorrow." she said. She got in her car and left. I finally let out my smile. I got home quickly, not wanting to anger my dad. When I got home, they were in the dining room. "Nathan, your father and I have made an agreement with the second most powerful family." mom said. "What do I have to do with anything?" I asked. "You have to choose one of their daughters to marry." dad said. "What?!" I exclaimed. "They're coming over on Saturday. Be on your best behavior." my father said. And then, they got up and left. But,my mom came back. "Here." she put a ring in my hand and went to her room. Amber's P.O.V Nathan looked real sad when he told me he had to go. But, when I told him I had fun, I meant it. He didn't even notice that I grabbed his hand. When I walked through the front door I was yanked on to the couch. "Where were you?" Mikee asked. I looked at him like he was stupid. I held up my shopping bags. "Oh. Dad said that all of the girls are going to some dinner party on Saturday." he sighed. "Great!" I said sarcastically. Usually when daddy takes the girls to a "Dinner Party", he always tries to set us up with people. "Hey!" Mikee shouted. "What!" I shouted back. He turned his head to me. "Let's go to the park." he whispered. I smiled and nodded. We ran out of the house like two little school girls. On the way out we passed mom. When she saw us, she laughed. "Be back before ten!" she yelled as we raced out the door. When we reached the park, we sat down on the swings. "Soooo, who is your boyfriend?" Mikee smirked. I tilted my head a little, and gave him a questioning look. "What do you mean?" I asked. His eyes slid down to my shirt. I looked down and gasped. I still had my Boyfriend shirt on. "No one is my boyfriend." I said just as Nathan's ringtone came on. His ringtone was My Boyfriend's Back by the Raveonettes. Mikee raised his eye brow. "Hello?" I asked. Mikee could hear the conversation so there was no point in walking away. "Hey, it's Nathan." Nathan said. I rolled my eyes. "Well, I know that. I could tell by your ringtone." "I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow after school?" Nathan asked slowly. Before I could answer, Mikee snatched the phone from my hands. "Hey!" I yelped. "Hi, Nathan. This is Mikee, Amber's brother. She said yes. Okay, bye now." when he turned back around, he was smiling like a maniac. I pouted as he picked me up and carried me home. Brian's P.O.V I watched as her brother carried her home. I needed to get her alone before she got married to that boy. After all, once she was claimed, I would not be able to get what belongs to me. And SHE has what belongs to me. I will get her, even if it kills her. Amber's P.O.V I groaned. "Why are you carrying me?" I whined. "Because there are crazy people out here who could snatch you up." he whispered. "Like you?" I asked. He nodded. Mikee kicked open the front door. I wiggled out of his arms and ran into my room and called Alexa. "Hey, girlie. What's up?" she answered. "Nathan just asked me over to his house tomorrow." I said. "WHAT! He asked you out?!" This is Alexa over-exagerating things, as usual. "No. Over to his house. Not on a date." I said as if I were talking to a child. She growled in frustration. "Why won't you two just go out already?!" she half screamed. "Hmm. Maybe because we don't like eachother? Or maybe there is this law that says I can't?" I said as if I just discovered it. "Whatever. You know you just love braking the laws." she yawned. "Well, maybe I don't want to die!" I whispered. "Jeez, you know your dad would never let any one lay a hand on you." she snorted. "That's true-but that's not the point! The point is that he's human and I'm a vampire." I said. Point. Blank. Period. "Whatever. Anyway, I just killed a spider in my room." Alexa cried. "What kind of spider?" I asked, laying down on my bed. "A wood spider." I tilted my head. "Isn't that a little bit random?" "Sort of. I mean,yesterday it was flys, now spiders. What's next, snakes?" she yelled. "Why are you yelling?" I asked calmly. "Because 5 more just came out of the ceiling!" she wailed. I laughed. "Well, I'll leave you to your spider killing spree." I said, "Watch out for spider eggs!" "Shut up!" she shrieked. I laughed again as I hung up. I put on some Tweety Bird ( A/N: Tweety Bird is my husband, I swear! Don't hate on him! ) pajamas and went downstairs to join my family for dinner. Damn I woke up, refreshed from my long sleep. I was now ready to do what I came here for. To destroy. Amber's P.O.V The day at Nathan's house was good, I got to meet his family. I never knew he had an older brother that went to our school. A brother who hit on me, just to annoy Nathan. I laughed at their strange way to show affection for eachother; instead of hugs, there were hair nuggies, instead of hand shakes, there were arm wrestles. Those were at eachothers necks, but all in good fun. "So? Why should I care?" I was saying to Christal. She kept telling me that she heard Brian had a girlfriend. "Because he's interested in you!" "Hey, check out the new girl!" I heard behind me. The hallway was suddenly quiet. I turned and held in a gasp. The new girl was here. She had wavy brown hair,she was tall, and had chocolate brown eyes. She was wearing a black wife beater and blue skinnies. And she had a small necklace on. "Well, fresh meat for the BS, don't you think?" I asked Christal. She nodded. "She looks strong enough." Christal smirked. "She doesn't look human, that's all I know." Christal agreed. ~~~~~ The new girl has been the buzz all day and I was sick of it. Okay, she's new and pretty. So what? It was annoying, plus tonight was the dance, so it was making me even more annoyed. I groaned as I flopped onto the couch. "What's wrong lil' sister?" Mary asked. "Nothing, just annoyed." I grumbled. Mary raised one brow. "The new girl. Okay, she's new,but do you have to talk about her all day? It's annoying." I sighed. Mary hummed. "Well, ingore her and have a good time at the dance." was all she said. "Really? Seriously? That's all you have to say?" I whined. "What else is there to say? Do you want me to say go beat her up or drink her blood? That wouldn't be very Big Sisterly, you know. I do have a reputation to keep." she said. "Aww! That's why I love you!" I cooed and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "Ew! Just because we're related doesn't mean put your saliva all over my face!" she whined. I laughed and got ready for the dance. Nathan's P.O.V My brother, Leroy, sat on my bed and laughed at me. Why? Because I'm pacing in my room like a madman. I was so nervous, I almost wanted to call Amber and cancel. "Why are you so nervous? She's just a human." Leroy said. I stopped and glared at him. "She's not a slut like your girls are, Leroy. Even for a human, she deserves some respect." I growled. He just smirked. "Relax, brother. It's not like you love her." he snorted. "Eh." I coughed dramatically. "You don't love her, right?" Leroy half yelled. I looked down at my carpeted floor. "Are you out of your mind?!" he hissed. "Look, you don't know her. She's...different. It's like, well, she makes me happy and I feel like I might actually fit in this world, you know? She's no ordinary human, Leroy. She's special, I just don't know how." I sighed. I looked at my watch and cursed. "I have to go." I said rushing to get my jacket. "Tomorrow you're choosing your wife. You need to get this little human crush out of your head. It'll only make bad things happen on both ends." Leroy said quietly. I looked back at him, but didn't answer him as I shut the door. Amber's P.O.V "Amber, let me just-" Emma whined. "No, just leave it. It's fine." I sighed. "Fine. If you get called ugly, it's not my fault." she sniffed. I rolled my eyes at her. "Isn't that a bit dramatic, Emma?" Trinity asked. "What? Me? Being to dramatic? Our lives are too boring! I'm here to make it dramatic. So, deal with it or die!" Emma tackled Trinity to the ground ( my bedroom floor) and started giving her a wet willy. Have you ever been given a wet willy by a vampire? It's horrible. Makes me shiver, unless it's one of my siblings getting the wet willy. I laughed at the two of them and looked in my mirror. I had on the knee length dress I designed, my green flats, my hair was tamed into a curly ponytail with a small, but cute, hump at the top. The two stopped wrestling on the floor to coo at me. "Aww! Look at her." "She looks like a little fairy." I raised my eye brow at that one. Fairy? "Your headband." Trinity said. Oh, yeah! My headband was green and black velvet with small black beads and a satin green butterfly on it. But still. A vampire fairy? I shook my head at them. "SMH" I said to them. "What?" they said at the same time. "Shaking. My. Head." I said slowly. They just smiled. The door bell rang. We all squealed like little school girls. I heard my awesome dad answer the door. "Amber!" he called. I hugged my sisters before leaving my room. When I walked downstairs, I heard three gasps. One, from my dad, one from Nathan, and one from my mom. I looked up from the steps and gave them a small smile. "Oh, my baby!" mom cried. I sighed quietly. "Come on so we came take some pictures." my dad smiled at me. I nodded and stood next to Nathan. I put an arm around his waist and he did the same. Soon, my eyes were watering because of all the flashing lights aimed at my face. "Okay, are we done? My eyes are watering." I said. 5 flashes later, Nathan and I were on our way to the dance. Ophelia's P.O.V This would be an easy kill. My mission was to destroy the last daughter of the Forest Clan. And Amber Forest was my target. Once this was done, Master would give me my freedom. And once I was free, I'd start my own Pack and have a life of my own. Freedom was so close, I could almost smell it. I couldn't screw this up. Wouldn't. Brian's P.O.V My date to the dance would not shut up. She had dyed blonde hair and watery blue eyes that looked like she was always about to cry. She was talking about how all of her friends would be jealous because she got the new guy. I was tempted to snap her neck, my patience with this girl running thin. "Hey, what's your full name?" I asked because I had forgotten her name. "Oh, Samantha Cathy LaBarge." she said proudly. "Nice name." I snorted. She gasped. "I bet it's better than your full name." "Brian Mason Moltiese." I said. She pouted,but stayed quiet the rest of the ride. When we walked into the building, the first thing I saw was Amber and Nathan. Together. Damn. Those Elders work fast. That put me on a time crunch. "Damn him." I said under my breath. Luckily, Samantha hadn't heard me. "Why don't you go and get us some drinks?" I suggested to the girl. She nodded and trotted off to the refreshment table. A couple seconds later I caught Amber's eye and motioned her over. "So, this is the party?" I joked in her ear when she reached me. "Yeah,this is it." she beamed. "It's nice, but a little dull." I answered, with a fake disinterested shrug. Amber smirked. "Just wait until Mr.DeVril leaves. He the chaperon until he decides its safe and no one is going to have sex on the dance floor." she answered, jerking her head in the direction of a balding man with Steve Urkel pants. He had a clipboard in hand and was watching the teens on the dance floor. "When is he leaving exactly?" I asked. Amber held up both hands and counted down. As soon as she had reached one, the chaperon had walked out the door. "Nice..." I said, applauding her as she made a motion of flipping her hair and bowing. Text: Do not steal this.I got the image from Bing.com. All rights reserved. Publication Date: November 30th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-raerae22

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-blueberry-cherry-whole-lotta-shit/

Blueberry Cherry Whole Lotta Shit What do Brianna and Logan have to do to escape the trouble? ALL I WANNA DO RIGHT NOW IS LOVE YOU! I, Brianna Medes was with my friend Maci Wrogg, at her house for a sleepover. Her dad and his girlfriend were in bed and it was just us and her brother. Her brother and two of his friends were upstairs in the kitchen making 3 pizzas. We had just finished singing karaoke, and Logan (Maci's brother), and his friends, came down to ask us if we wanted any pizza. We were a little hungry so we went upstairs and each had a slice of pizza. "Oh, you hormonal 16 year old juniors!" He said, "So hungry, huh?" "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, "You had 6 pieces of pizza ALONE! 3 times as much as me and Maci COMBINED!" "I KNOW I WAS JUST KIDDING!" He spoke to me like I was mentally challenged, or something. After that was over we all went downstairs and split into two groups. Me and Maci went into her room to settle down. Logan and his friends, Derrik and Alex, went to watch a movie in the living room. When I came out an hour later to use the bathroom, I was in my underwear and a tank top. I peeked my head out and made sure nobody was looking first and then I tiptoed out, apparently not quiet enough because they each craned their neck to see who it was and caught me in the middle of my journey to the bathroom. Derrik whistled, which is funny because they are all seniors. "OOH THEY'RE LACY!" Derrik continued. At that point I realized I was wearing my see-through Victoria's Secret underwear. 'SHIT' I thought. Once I got into the bathroom I put my cell phone up to my face and quick texted Maci: THY SAW ME IN MY UNDRWR! She texted back: oh well just g2bed! . So I went to the bathroom like I had to do. When I came out, Alex was standing by the bathroom door with a bottle of beer. "Join us m'lady?" He said in a fake British accent, which was just too funny not to laugh at. "Ah, what the hell!" I replied, "But just gimme a sec, I need a blanket." "Fuck your own blanket!" He told me, "You can share one with me!" And he dragged me over to his couch, laughing my ass off. He opened mJy beer politely and handed it to me. I chugged it all in a matter of seconds, and slammed it down, asking for another one. He looked at me weirdly and opened another one. "What a party girl! HAHAHAHA!" Derrik said. "I've never seen a girl slam a beer that fast! Especially an underaged 15 year old!" Logan put in. I drank the other one, and then I realized that they were asking me if I wanted to do karaoke. I responded with a, FUCK YEAH! Derrik wanted to do a duet with me. Then Alex, and finally Logan. After the duets, they wanted me to sing and dance for them again. So I sang my favorite song. CHORUS LYRICS: I wanna love you until dawn comes, KAY KAY LETS HOPE DAWN NEVER COMES! I wanna sex it up until the end of the day, KAY KAY LETS HOPE THE DAY NEVER ENDS! BOOOOM BOOOOM POW BEDROOM MAGIC! Why Are You Staring at Me? When I was done singing I layed down on the floor. I was tired and I had drank 3 beers. I was so tired that logan moved me to their guest room and covered me up like any decent guy would. During the night I slept well other than 2 times I woke up from disturbances from the boys. Once was a few minutes after I had fallen asleep. I woke up again because my brain must've wanted to actually understand what was being talked about in the other room after it heard my name mentioned. "OOOOOOOHHHH!!! LOGAN LIKES!!!" Alex said rudely to Logan. "SHUT UP!!!! More like Alex likes!!! You're the one that shared a blanked with her and asked her to come over with us!!!" Logan said. "How many other hot friends does your sister have???" Derrik said, his eyes widened. "None." Logan said. "One of us gets Brianna and one gets your sister and the other one can go find some mildly attractive teenager that goes to our school." Alex said, glad that he was thinking at all. "We don't want you planning our future, and neither would Brianna if she was here!" Logan said. "True..." Derrik said friend-like. By the time I woke up it was 10:30 and the sun was high in the sky. I got up, put on some light makeup (heavy mascara though, I liked when my eyes popped like that) and put on a bikini and shorts over the bottom. After that I went to go eat a salad and an apple for brunch, while Maci ate lunch, since she was up since 9 AM. When we were both done eating we went to the middle of the circle that we both lived on. We laid our towels down on top of squishy yoga mats we had, specially for this purpose. We listened to my iPod on my wireless iPod dock. We played all our favorite songs, including songs about "She looks like a god in that gorg. bikini" . "Her hot-pink and white polka-dot bikini is a... POLKA-DO!" I heard Alex whisper into Derrik's ear. They burst out laughing just as Logan was coming out with Maci and I's pink lemonades and the boys' waters. "What's so funny guys?" Logan asked them. "Apparently my bikini is a "Polka-DO"!!! Isn't that hilarious?" I said sarcastically, "You could at least be polite about it!" Logan changed the subject, "Do you guys want to go play basketball?" "Sure!" Derrik and Alex said eagerly. They got up and played basketball at the hoop on the side of the circle. Later that day they went back inside. Everyone had so much fun that we slept over again. This time, we paired up. Maci with Derrik in her room, Alex alone in the living room, and Logan and I in the privacy of the guest room. The boys had planned it, with their original plan still having me in the guest room in the private guest room, but each of the boys wanted in there with me. Logan won it with, "Hey, it's my house!" and gave the reasoning that he didn't want the other two ('Dirty Fools' was the description he used) raping me! Logan heard my teeth chattering, and climbed into the queen sized bed with me, cuddling up close. "Mmmmmm," I hummed in satisfaction, "You're warm!" During the night, I had a nightmare about spiders, big huge fuzzy ones, attacking me! I woke up and Logan was hugging me tightly. "Please stop screaming!" He begged quietly. "I'm so sorry!" I said apologetically, "I was having a nightmare!" I explained. "What was it about?" He asked concerned. "Spiders!" I said quietly, shuddering. I don't know exactly what happened, other than that night was the most amazing night I'd ever had, including the next year even! I had finally had sex. With a hot guy too!!! Publication Date: September 10th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-blueberrycherry

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-angelcake72-she-039-s-snow-white/

Angelcake72 She's Snow white but in her own way Chapter 1 He slowly lefts my head up and kisses me gentle on the lips. My eyes open and a warm grateful smile is appearing on my face. He helps me up and we get on his horse. "Savannah Walton." Someone said repeatedly. "No. My prince, I'm Snow White." I mumbled. Laughter woke me up from my dream. I open my eyes and saw all the guys in my room. "Ugh! What!" I shouted at them as I sat up. "Today's school. Get ready, Snow white." My brother said. I mumbled some curse words under my breath as I pushed all Seven guys out of my room and locked the door. I groaned and walked to my walk in closet. I'm not even close to Snow white. She's a princess and I'm a normal person. She is a girly girl with short black hair. I'm a tomboy with long black hair. She lives with Seven dwarfs and I live with seven idiotic guys. The only thing in common are that we both have evil step mothers, we have black hair, and that we have the same initials, which happen to be S and W. Snow White. Savannah Walton. See were not the same at all. I pulled out my pair of black ripped skinny jeans, my leather jacket with Drop dead on the left side of it, a white tang top, bra, panties, and my converse. I walked to the bathroom and laid them on the counter. I stripped my Pj's off and threw them in the hamper. I turned on the shower and got in. I walked downstairs to something burning in the kitchen. I groaned and walked to the kitchen door. Food was every where and all seven idiots were in the kitchen. "What are you idiots doing?" I asked as calm as I can. "Making breakfast." My brother replied. "Sure looks like it,"I said as I began to walk to the front door but stopped,"You guys are cleaning that." I walked out the door just in time to run into no other than my stupid brother's Ex-girlfriend. "Savannah." She muttered. "Slut. Oh my bad, Leslie." I said. "Very immature, Snow white." She stopped right in front of my face. "Watch it, Leslie. My fist could easy slip and hit you right on that ugly face of yours." I threatened her. "Oh really? Then bring it on." She said as she got all up in my face. "I rather not." I said as I backed away a few steps. "Aw...You scared." She said in a baby voice. "Nah....Your just in my personal space. Anyway why are you here?" "To see my....Boyfriend." She said. "Oh please...Why are you really here?" "I heard you have a new member. Who is he?!" "None. Of. your. business." I said each word very slowly. "Uh...Fine." She said as she stomped off. I looked at my watch and I had only five minutes before I was late. "Oh no!" I yelled as I began to run. I was late for class and that meant.....punishment. I sighed and walked myself inside school. Grr....If that slut, Leslie would've just kept her mouth shut I wouldn't have been late. I opened my class door and my teacher turned to me. "Glad you can join us, Ms. Walton." Ms. Burks said. "Sorry." I apologized. "Just go take a seat." She said as she gave out a sigh. "Sure thing." I said kinda loud. I walked back to my seat and sat down. She started teaching again and I looked down to find a piece of paper on the corner of my desk. "Uh...what's this?" I whispered. I looked at it and gave a quiet chuckle. "It's a detention slip." I whispered. "Ms. Walton, Do you have something to say to the class?" Ms. Burks said looking at me hardcore. "No Ma'am." I said as I made a gesture to tell her to go on. She began teaching once more. Detention, huh? Well that'll be great. I don't have to go home until 5, I thought. I smiled of the thought of it. No boys. No mess. No Problem. That's my memo. Just like No shoes. No shirt. No service. Chapter 2 I walked out of detention at Five and sighed. I have to go home to the guys' mess. I walked outside and sat down on the steps. A car pulled up and stopped in front of me. I stood up and got in the passenger side. I had texted my brother to come and pick me up. I pushed my phone back in my pocket and sighed. I looked at my brother and smiled. He smiled and began to drive. I looked out the window and just remembered the new member of the house. I looked at my brother again. "Hey?" I said. "Hmmm?" He said as he still watched the road. "Who's the new guy?" I asked. "Some show off." My brother snapped. "Does this show off have a name?" I asked him. "Dustin E. Wright." My brother said. "Ah, What makes him a 'show' off?" I asked him. "EVERYTHING." My brother stated. "Are you jelly, bro?" I chuckled at his face. He huffed and keep his mouth shut the whole ride home. To think about it. Home means mess and Mess is done by guys. Seven guys was plenty and now Eight. I have a feeling I'm going to either pull out all of my hair or try to kill one of them in their sleep. There names are Fabian, Miles, Shawn, Kendall, Nicholas, Trent, Dustin, and my brother, Braydon Walton. They all had there nicknames...from me. Fabio, Miley, Shay, Ken, Nikki, Trout, for Dusitn...Dusty, and Bro. Since I'm talking about the guys I'll describe them for ya. Fabian has dark brown hair with hazel eyes. He plays football and basketball. He's Six foot one and he is Seventeen. He doesn't have a girlfriend. Miles is Seventeen to and he plays basketball. He has a girl friend and he stands at six foot two. He has shaggy blond hair with brown eyes. He can sing but he doesn't like to in front of people. Shawn has short light brown hair with blue eyes. He plays Baseball and he is six foot five. He is Eighteen and has a girl friend as well. I don't really get along with him. Kendall is Sixteen and he plays Basketball. He is six foot three and has a six pack. I know because he usually runs around the house without a shirt. He doesn't have a girlfriend and he is like a second brother to me. He has dirty blond hair and blue eyes. Nicholas is Eighteen and he has a girl friend. He has blond hair and sky blue eyes. He has the look of a model and rich person. I like Nicholas when he acts normal and when I mean Normal I mean staring at his abs normal. The other normal is when he sobs about how he looks pathetic and blah blah blah. He plays football most of the time. Trent has dark brown hair that looks kinda reddish brown in the sun. He has green eyes and he is six foot six. He has a girl friend but I don't think their relationship is going to last. He plays soccer and he is sixteen. Last but not least my brother, Braydon. He has brown hair with blond highlights and blue eyes. He plays football and he stands at six foot four. He is Nineteen and has a girl friend that I like. When I was done describing the guys my brother parked the car and turned the key. He pulled it out once the engine died and got out. I got out and followed him inside. I heard yelling and crashing in the living room. Typical teen guys watching football or basketball.....or baseball. My brother walked into the living room and told the guys to calm down or he'll take he's shot gun and shoot their heads off. Well....that's my brother for ya. I walked up the stairs and looked at the floor. Man is this floor so shiny. I mean it's usually dirty and piled with boy clothes. I bumped into someone making me jump out of my thoughts. My head flew up and I banged it off somebody's head. "Ow." We both said. I rubbed my head and looked up into green eyes that any girl would be lucky to get lost in. "Y-you must be Justin." I said. He laughed and showed his pure white teeth. "It's Dustin and next time watch where your going." He snapped at me. Gosh! Well that moment is ruined, I thought. "Who do you think you are?!" I snapped back. "I just told you, Idiot. Dustin E. Wright." He said in a duh tone. "I know that-" I said but my bro cut me off. "Dustin?" He said it in a question. "You know it." Dustin replied like he was cool or something. "Man I thought you were some show off but your just old best friend, Dustin." My bro said with a huge smile. Wait...Dustin. Oh god. Dustin is my bro's old best friend but he had moved away about four, three years ago. I knew that name sound familiar. "Dustin???" I said. "Yeah. Don't you remember him?" My bro asked. "Nope." I lied. I crossed my arms and sighed. "Are you sure?" Dustin asked me. "Yep. Don't know who the heck you are." I lied again. I was great at lying and I think I can use it against Dustin. "Dustin. Dustin E. Wright. The boy that use to throw mud at you when we were really little." Dustin said. I made a fake thinking face and shrugged. "No, I don't remember." I lied. I turned around and walked down the stairs. I heard a frustrated sigh and then a laugh. I walked into the living room and sat down on Ken. As I told you before Kendall is like a second brother to me, so he really doesn't care unless he has a girlfriend. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. My bro and Dustine(new nick name for him) came into the living room and sat down. It was really loud since the guys was watching Football. You know how guys are while watching it. I sighed in frustration and jumped off of Ken. "You guys are the loudest freaking idiots I know!" I yelled and stomped my way up stairs to my room. I heard all the guys laugh and then begin to yell 'Yes'. I flopped down on my bed and covered my head with my pillow. I threw the pillow on the floor and sat up. I groaned when Dustine came into my room. "What do you want?" I asked him as I stood up and walked to my closet. "Ah....The guys left to get Pizza." He said. "Oh, Cool. Bye." I said as I grabbed my favorite shirt my brother had bought me for my birthday three or four years ago. It still fit me to. I walked to my bathroom and slipped my shirt I had on off. I threw it down on the floor and put the other shirt on. I walked out of the bathroom and noticed Dustin was still there. He smiled and rubbed his head. "What?" I snapped at him. "That's the shirt that your brother and I picked out." He said. I remember that day. FLASH BACK I woke up by falling off of my bed. I had landed on my face when two familiar voices entered my room laughing. I stood up to face my brother and Dustin. Today was my birthday and I was now fourteen. I groaned when my brother hugged me and kissed my cheek. He gave me a huge smile and Dustin had handed me bag. I opened the bag to reveal a long shirt that had 'I love you" on the front and 'Forever <3' on the back. It was a simple present for my birthday but I just loved it. I smiled big and ran to my bathroom. I put the shirt on and came out. The guys clapped and cheered like idiots. I sighed and flopped down on my bed. My brother smiled at me once more. "I'll be back." He said and then walked out of the room. He left me alone with Dustin. Dustin sat beside me and sighed. "Thanks." I said as I turned my head to him. He turned to me and our eyes connected. He leaned in and kissed me. I was shock at first and than I responded to his kiss. "Savannah? Savannah?! Savannah!" Someone yelled repeatedly. I snapped out of the flash back and I noticed I had been smiling like a idiot. Dustin was now in front of me with his hands on my shoulders and he stared into my eyes. My heart raced for no reason and I found myself frozen like a cube of ice. Dustin had been my first kiss and I know. What fourteen year old has never been kissed? Well...I haven't, so suck it up. I wasn't quite paying attention to Dustin all I was doing was staring at his lips. Before I knew it my eyes widen in surprise and I went limp. Dustin had smashed his lips to mine and my legs turned like Jello. As I shock as I was I didn't respond for awhile until I heard my name being yelled. "What?!" I yelled as my eyes opened and all seven idiots. Wait..all eight idiots are surrounding me. I was dreaming the whole time. "We heard you mumbling stuff in your sleep." Fabian told me. "Like what?" I asked. "Well....kissing noises." Trent said. "And?!" I shouted. "And....other stuff." My bro said feeling awkward. "Just tell me." I muttered. "Moans." Shawn blurted out and then laughed at my reaction. "STF! You guys are so freaking annoying!" I yelled. I must have fell asleep when I put the pillow over my head. It felt so real though. I stood up and walked to my closet. I'm glad I used to play soft ball. I grabbed my baseball bat and all the guys gulped even Dustin. "So who's first?!" I shouted with a big grin appearing on my face when I swung the bat and it smashed the lamp that sat by my closet. It broke into twenty different pieces. The lamp was ugly anyway. They all screamed like girls and ran out of my room. I threw the bat back in my closet and flopped back down on my bed. I huffed and followed the lines on my ceiling. I finally got bored and pulled out my phone. I text my Best Friend, Casey. ~~~ I had told her to come over because all the guys are annoying and I was bored. She would be over in about ten minutes. I sighed as I made my down the stairs and into the living room. The guys were playing their video games and talking about guy stuff. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the remote controller from Trent and pushed him off the couch. He gasped and shoot me death glares. "My turn with my bro, Trent." I said. "Oh. Your on." My brother had told me as he pushed 'play'. Publication Date: January 30th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-angelcake72

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-angelcake72-100-days-with-mr-guitar-jerk/

Angelcake72 100 days with Mr. Guitar Jerk Chapter 1 ASHTON Satan has it out for me. I SWEAR. He does. Just wait, I'll be late and then he'll jump out of no where to send me to hell. "Ashton, Come on! We're going to be late!" My brother yelled as he picked up his pace. "Don't you know I already know that!" I yelled at him as I caught up to him. He checked his wrist watch and looked at me. "We got only thirty seconds to get there!" He yelled as we turned around the corner of the Hall. "I know." I pouted. All of a sudden everything was rushing. My feet wasn't touching the ground and I wasn't running no more. Of course my brother kept running. I was about to hit the floor when I felt arms go around me. I sighed in relief as they pulled me back up slowly. The person removed his arms from around my waist. Well, at least I think it was a guy. I didn't really get a glimpse of him because I ran off as soon as he helped me. I ran down the hall and stopped at the office door. I fixed my hair and walked in to come to find my brother. I sighed in relief and sat down beside him. "What happened to you?" He asked. "I fell and 'someone' left me." I said, mad. "Ash-" My brother began but he shut up when the door opened and a Lady in her 50's walked in. She sat in front of us and put her clipboard down. "I see you guys made it." She said looking back and forth at us. "Yes, ma'am." My brother said. "And I see that your parents both attend this school." She said as she looked down at hr clip board. "Yeah." I said as nicely as I can. She really didn't have to bring our parents into this. Yes, they attend this school. "I see you both have excellent grades. Corey plays football. Ashton, I understand you like music." She said as she looked up at me when she said my name. I nodded and she scribbled something down on the clip board. She handed us two sheets of paper and stood up. "What's this?" Corey asked the woman. "Your schedules." She began as she pushed her chair in and continued,"You two were going to get into this school anyway." She turned around and grabbed the door knob to the door she came in. "Well see ya." My brother said as he opened the door about to leave the room. "Corey?" I said. "What?" He whined, anxious to leave. "Revenge is a bit-" I got cut off by the lady. "No, foul language." She said. I smiled and followed my brother out of the room. He walked toward his first class while I just wondered off a different way. I shoved my hands in my pocket as I walked down the hall of my new School. Eh, What a good day . Note the sarcasm. STRANGER "Ugh, Stupid teacher!" I yelled as I walked down the hall. I huffed and started to hear yelling coming from down the hall. A guy my age and a girl one year younger runs around the corner. The girl's dark brown waved through the air as she came closer. All of a sudden she trips over her own foot and started to fall. I wrap my arms around her waist catching her before she hit the floor face first. She was facing the floor and I never really got the chance to see her face. I pulled her up slowly and removed my arms from her waist. I was hoping she would turn around and thank me. Well, that really didn't happen. Instead she ran off. "Er-You're total welcome, person?" I say as she disappears out of my sight. Uh, girls these days . ------------------------------------------------------------------------- SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT XD COMMENT Heart.     Chapter 2 ASHTON A loud annoying beeping sound was irrupting me from my sleep. Stupid alarm clocks and their annoying beeping. I flung my arm over to my night stand and tried to hit the snooze, which I couldn't find my alarm clock anywhere on my stand. I groaned in frustration and opened my eyes. I spotted my alarm clock and threw it at the wall. THUMP! "Ashton!" My brother yelled from his room. "Sorry!" I yelled back as I got up. I walked into my bathroom and turned on the shower. Letting it warm up because I hate cold and hot showers. I walked back into my room and into my walk in closet. I grabbed my usual, which is a shirt with a pair of skinny jeans and my vans. I walked into my bathroom and laid them on the counter. I stripped my clothes off and threw them into the hamper. I got into the shower and did what I had to do and got out. I got dressed and slipped my vans on. I grabbed my jacket and slid one arm into the sleeve. A loud crash was heard from downstairs. I laughed and slid my other arm in the other sleeve. I grabbed my bag and walked downstairs. "Look what you did, Corey. Shame on you." A familiar voice said from the kitchen. "But Auntie. I didn't. You did." He pouted. I smiled wide and ran into the kitchen. I hugged her and she hugged me back. "Look what your brother did." She said and I looked down to see glass all over the floor. "Aw, Bad Corey, Bad." I teased him like he was a dog. He sighed and walked outside to his car. "Well, as much as I want to stay, Auntie. I can't." I said to her and she smiled. I walked to the front door and smiled. "You have a good day, dear." She yelled out. "I will." I won't. I walked outside and got into Corey's car. When we got to school everyone and I mean EVERYONE was staring at us. It was uncomfortable. We got out of the car and started walking down the sidewalk toward the school entrance. A few girls flashed me that look of hatred and some guys stared me up to down. I opened the double doors and we walked in. Not expecting what came next. A girl ran right into me. The girl had long dirty blond hair and hazel eyes. At least I think they were hazel. I couldn't really get a chance to really see because of the tears forming into her eyes. She ran past me with her hands covering her face. I look down to pick up the books she had dropped. I stood back up and a group of guys came walking toward me laughing. I was confused at first but I soon understood why the poor girl was crying. Either a rejection,a prank, or she was bullied. I scowled at the guys as they made their way over to me. "Oh, Lookie here." A tall guy with shaggy blond hair said as he stared at me. I rolled my eyes as the whole group of guys stared at me. The guy standing beside the blond hair guy stared not at me but the girl's books. "Are you her mother or something?!" The guy snapped and his friends laughed. "Are you blind?" I shot back. Not caring if they bullied me because if one hand was laid on me. I'm not holding back. The guy laughed and walked over to me. He got in my face and smirked. "Oh, I like you." He whispered. I laughed at him and backed away. "Sorry but I don't go out with guys with smelly breath and mental issues." I spat out. His friends chuckled and I could tell the guy was pissed off by his jaw clenching. He looked at the blond dude and said something. The blond guy came over to me and laid his hand on my arm. "Chase, don't you think that's enough." A voice behind the jocks demanded. A guy with black hair and dark brown eyes stepped forward to stand right in front of Chase. "Why don't you stay out of this, Levi?" Chase snapped at the boy. He turned to the blond guy and nodded. The blond guy starts to lift me up and I wasn't too happy about it. I grab the blond guys arm and twist it around. I push him to the locker and pinned his arm behind his back. "Don't touch me." I said through clenched teeth. I shoved his head to the locker and turned around to look at the rest of the jocks. "If you will," I began as I grabbed my books and the girl's books,"I'll be going." I walked off toward where the girl ran off to, which looked to be the girl's bathroom. Well, I think. LEVI My brother has always been a prick. Just because he's the captain of the football team and all, doesn't mean he can pick on innocent teenagers for the fun of it. My brother was tall, built, and smart. My mother favored him and my father loved him. I was the child with the ratty clothes and no attention. That's why I moved out and moved in with my friends. Got a job, payed for a guitar, and made money playing music on the street. I know, I know. Are you insane? Well, Yes. Yes, I am. I loved my guitar. Had it for four years now and I can't bare to lose it. Music is my life and you can live without life now, can you? Anyway my brother and his crew were making fun of Katie Millers again. The poor girl had to go through it everyday and to top off the drama she had at home. She'd probably be at home in her room crying somewhere in a corner. I felt sorry for her and told my brother off but he still picks on people. What was so funny about hurting a person feelings? I walked off down the hall after my brother as he made his way over to a familiar looking girl. She had picked Katie's books up and noticed the group coming toward her. She looked as pissed off as I was. "Oh, Lookie here." Shane said as he stared at her. I saw her roll her eyes and knew my brother noticed Katie's books. "Are you her mother or something?!" My brother snapped and his friends laughed. Oh, how original? "Are you blind?" The girl shot back. Here we go , I thought. My brother laughed and walked over to her. He got in her face and said something that made me shocked. "Oh, I like you." He whispered. She laughed at him and backed away. "Sorry but I don't go out with guys with smelly breath and mental issues." She spat out. His friends chuckled and I knew he was pissed off. He looked at Shawn and said something. Shawn walked over to her and laid his hand on her arm. I was pissed off now. I walked up behind the group of boys. "Chase, don't you think that's enough." I said. "Why don't you stay out of this, Levi?" Chase snapped at me. He turned to Shawn and nodded. He started to lift the girl and the girl's face didn't look to happy about it. She grab Shawn's arm and twisted it around. Pushing him into the locker and pinned his arm behind his back. "Don't touch me." She said through clenched teeth. Then she shoved his head to the locker and turned around the look at the rest of the jocks. Man, you got to love girls like that. "If you will," She began as she grabbed her books and the Katie's books,"I'll be going." She walked off toward where Katie ran off to. Publication Date: February 16th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-angelcake72

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-chloe-knox-i-hate-you-on-hold/

Chloe Knox I Hate You (On-Hold) Life of an Emo Dedication - to my circle of BESTIES: Hannah Stertzel, Peyton Keller, and last but not least Danielle Zubar. I love my little threesome for all eternity and hope that our friendship will always prolong through the drama and depression that comes along with life. Prologue: Who Am I ? "Who am I?" That is the one question I never thought I'd be asking myself. When you're little, life seems so carefree and easy. Everything was fun, nothing was boring. The whole world was new and exciting. Every girl was a princess and every guy was a super hero. Everything was perfect, when I was little. Of course there were the days where I'd still get into trouble. There were the days were I broke my father's C.D.s. There was a day were I got in trouble for trying to make kool-aid and scrambled eggs on the floor. There was even a day that I had decided to through the cat out the window! ...But life was still easy. Life was still a fairytale. And now... My heart ached and my gut felt like a pit of nothingness as I sat on my bed, tears streaming down my face to the point where I couldn't see clearly. Instead of my normal room with the splattered walls and the soft quilt, all I saw was blur...just like my life. When I was little I used to be confident. I used to believe in God. Now, I've lost my way, and I can't seem to find it. It was almost as if my blurred vision was a symbol. It symbolized the way I saw my life. When I was little I thought I had everything figured out. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and no one could ever, EVER stop me. Now, my life is a chaotic mess that has slipped through my fingers. I am no longer in control. I'm helpless and alone. I'm a victim of my own pathetic life. Do you remember the days when you were little? The days that you could be so innocent? The days that you would promise things to your parents that you were sure you could keep? Me? I can perfectly. I remember the days that I'd get so mad at my dad for smoking. I remember the days that the smoke from the single cigarette made me choke and want to vomit. I remember the day that I said, "Daddy, I'm never gonna smoke!" I remember the days where I'd roll my eyes at the girls that starved themselves to "fit in". I remember the days where I'd roll my eyes at the popular kids, because "I'll never be mean like them." I remember when I said, "I'll never drink." I remember when I said, "I'll never cut myself." I remember when I said, "I'll never say 'I hate you'." When I was little life was carefree and easy. Everything was fun, nothing was boring. The whole world was new and exciting. I was a princess. When I was little I thought I had everything figured out. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and no one could ever, EVER stop me. ...and I was stupid for thinking I'd keep those promises. I was stupid for thinking that life would never change. I was stupid for thinking that I'd always be the perfect little princess, that my mother and father loved... So I look down at my bloody wrist, my blurred vision only now starting to clear up (Not because I'm not sad anymore, but because I've cried so much that I feel dried up. I sob and sob, but no more tears come out). I think of my life, my family, my friends...and of the pain...and I ask myself, "Who am I?" The truth is...I don't know! Chapter One: Maladjusted Tanya P.O.V. I sit in middle of the shower with my head tilted up toward the water. A single tear rolled over my cheek when I blinked. My heart pounded, my breathes quickened, and my bare body shook. I knew that what I was doing was wrong. And to be quite honest, I’m not even sure that it helped heal my feelings of heart break or hurting. It probably didn’t. It just numbed me. It numbed my emotions of betrayal and my never ending emotions of self-hate. It took away all my worries and regrets. It seemed to wash away my sins…for the time being, that is…and then all I had to focus on was… I held back a whimper by biting my bottom lip as I pressed the clean, sharp, and silver razor blade into my wrist and sliced the pale flesh open. Crimson red blood immediately began to trickle from the thin, yet deep, cut on my wrist. It tickled at first as the blood oozed its way from my cut and down my arm…but then the pain kicked in. The stinging aching pain that no person would ever imagine could come from such a tiny slit, yet I was grateful. I was grateful for the pain that made me forget my so called friends and all the soreness I had ever felt. And my mother? Oh, that bitch! The moment I felt my anger and pain begin to rekindle I pressed the edge of the razor blade into my flesh again, breaking the skin and making another deep cut that bled onto the shower floor. I repeated this over, and over, and over, until I felt no emotion at all. It took about half an hour, but eventually I was carefree. It didn’t matter to me, that I no longer had any friends. It no longer mattered to me that I was failing school. And it no longer mattered that my mother was a complete and utter a-hole. She didn’t deserve me or my love. She doesn’t deserve my father, or my brother, or anyone…Nope! Guess I’m not done! The blade again made contact with my flesh only this time I pressed it into a cut I had already made. It increased the pain by a million, but it also took my thoughts off of my mother. Instead I focused on the massive pain, not the emotional but the physical pain. I couldn’t go to school all upset over my mother and life. I had to at least look like I didn’t give a shit. I had to at least look like I was handling everything fine. I couldn’t go to school looking like the complete emotional wreck that I was, or else everyone at school will start calling me “emo” and “depressed”. It might be the truth, but it doesn’t hurt any less than a horrible rumor would. Besides, they all talk about me enough as it is. “Good morning, sweetie.” My father said, his voice soft and gentle, when I walked downstairs. “Morning daddy,” I mumbled as I took a seat at the bar. My father placed a bowl of cereal in front of me. It was Cookie Crisp; my favorite. I couldn’t hold back the smile. It was the little things that my father would do that put a smile on my face. He was the one person on this horrible planet I could stand…well, next to Nicole, my best friend. I just called her Nicki, though. “Oh. My. God. Is that a smile I see?” my father teased with a big and charming smile. I didn’t say anything as I plastered a fake (yet convincing) smile on my face. The sudden guilt that hit me in my stomach made me want to tell the truth to my father and say I’m sorry. I felt guilty for cutting myself, knowing that my father would be hurt tremendously if he found out. He loved me…then I heard my mother upstairs, and all my guilt went away as quickly as it had come. “Tanya! Tanya! Get your ass up here! Get up here, right now!” I looked over at my dad, who just looked at me with the same exact expression I probably had. His light blue eyes were scared and seemed worried. I took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm down my beating heart. I knew what was going to happen. It happened almost every day at least once…you’d think I’d be used to it. That after awhile, her words just wouldn’t hurt anymore, that her screams and spats of hatred would mean nothing to me. And one day maybe they will. Maybe one day my mother won’t be able to hurt me…but for now, she got me! Right now, it was like I was my mother’s little voodoo doll. She pocked and prodded at me till I burst. I walked upstairs to find my mother in the bathroom leaning over the sink with both hands clutching the counter top. Her knuckles were turning white, and for a moment I thought she was going to actually break the counter. “Y-yes, mother?” “Where the hell is my hairspray!?” Really? Really? That’s what you look so pissed about? You can’t find your hairspray? Wtf? “I don’t know,” I mumbled as my anger and annoyance grew. She always reacted. She never just took a step back, took in a deep breath, and thought…she just reacted. Her eyes narrowed on me, the chocolate brown eyes of hers turning big and black with anger. She snapped her hand up next to my face, but she didn’t hit me. I still recoiled, though. Who wouldn’t? Her hand was inches from my face, “Don’t you dare talk to me in that tone of voice.” “What tone? All I said was that—“ “You said ‘I don’t know’!” my mother said as she sighed and crossed her arms and did what she thought was a good imitation of me; nose scrunched, lips turned to a frown, and she rolled her eyes. “I didn’t do that—“ “Oh just shut up! Where’s my hairspray?” “Mom! I don’t know!” I felt so angry; I could feel my body radiating heat. Why couldn’t she just except that if I said I didn’t know, I didn’t? Why was it that everything always had to be me? “Well, it had to be you or your sister, and she said she didn’t touch it.” Of course! Leah was the innocent angel! As usual! “Well it wasn’t me! I don’t even use hairspray, mom!” “Whatever! Get out of my face!” That last sentence really hurt. She said it all the time to me, yet it was the one that hurt the most. She always said it when she was hitting her breaking point, when she was fed up of talking or even looking at me. And every time she said it, she was interrupting me. She’d never let me finish what I was saying. She’d never let me explain or tell my side of the story. She’d always just assume; Tanya! Tanya! Tanya! “But mom! You’re not even listening to me! You’re just—“ “I said get out of my face!” my mother screamed as she pushed my shoulder making me stumble backward over my own feet. I fell on my butt, in the middle of the hall way and then she slammed the door shut mumbling, “Fucking ungrateful child! She never knows when to shut that fucking mouth of hers!” Tears threatened my vision, turning it to a slight blur. But I held them back, grabbed my school stuff, and went into the garage to grab my bike. No way was I going to wait here for my mother to go on and on for a good hour about how terrible of a daughter I was. I wasn’t going to sit in my room and cry over what she said about me. She doesn’t love me, so I don’t love her. She doesn’t deserve my respect….it’s a good thing I have some more razor blades in my locker. I’m going to need them. Chapter Two: Naïve Tanya's P.O.V. For those of you who are either too oblivious or in your own perfect “La La Land” to know or even realize it, girls are bitches! Twenty-four-seven it’s either non-stop gossip or incessant whines about their own appearance. “Did you see what that girl was wearing today?” “God, I hate my hair.” “Her boobs look so fake and disproportionate. They have to be implants.” “I look so ugly today.” “Ew! Someone hasn’t heard of the invention of soap and warm water.” “Awe, I broke a nail.” “She actually went all the way with him? O!M!G! What a slut!” “Does this make me look fat?” And what pisses me off is the people you here saying this is usually one of the popular girls. You know; the type of girl that has perfect hair, with a gorgeous face that guys drool over? The type of girl that’s parents are rich enough to get her a pedicure every week and is as skinny as a pool cue? I mean, seriously! Just shut up! There is more to life then dating and prom, and there’s definitely more problems in life then a broken nail and one bad hair day! I mean, yeah! I complain about the same things—well not the broke nail thing since I barely have any. I chew the tips to bits. It’s just a habit I have. And about the whole dissing on people thing? What the hell’s up with that? Like, seriously! Honestly, if I see a girl walking down the street with nappy hair that stinks or if I see a twelve year old in Wally-World (a.k.a. Walmart), yeah! I’d probably judge. Every does. It’s human nature. But at least I have the decency to keep my thoughts to myself. Whatever happened to the saying ‘if you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say it’? Maybe I should teach that quote to my mother… Anyway, girls are bitches and that’s why I usually hang out with guys. My only and best girl friend is Nicole (a.k.a. Nicki) Rivers. We’ve been friends since the beginning of the fifth grade. She tried to take my lunch money, so I punched her in the left boob and BAM! Best friends for life! No matter what kind of day, even after a crying or cutting fit she can make me laugh and smile and have a good time. It’s almost like I have two lives or two different personalities. When I’m at home with my mother and my homework, I’m depressed. But with Nicki, I’m fine. I’m just me….and that’s great because the more and more I’m with my mother, it seems like the more and more I lose of myself. But as much as I love Nicki I hate her—not literally! I’m just bummed—for ditching me. I’m at lunch sitting by myself just doodling counting down the seconds that Nicki is gone. I hope and wish for her to come back from the music room quickly, but I swear she’s like a snail, or molasses, or something. “Hey!” I jumped at the sudden familiar voice coming from my side. I was so engrossed with my drawing that I hadn’t even noticed Brandon take a seat next to me. I looked at him, his brown eyes curious. "What do you want?" I asked as I squinted at him in irritation. Brandon? He was just like every other good-looking guy in school...he's a dick! He thinks he's so hot, and cool, and that no girl can resist him It's nauseating. "Nothing. Just wondering why you're not with my sister. Usually you two are joined at the hip." Oh yeah, and I forgot to tell you, Brandon is Nicki's older brother. "Your sister ditched me to talk to Mrs. Reinart about her violin practice after school today." "Ah," he mumbled with an understanding nod. I rolled my eyes at him and sighed aloud, hoping that would be enough to make him go away. I don't like Brandon that much, if you haven't all ready noticed. After an awkward moment of silence I figured I'd just ignore him and go back to my drawing, so I did. I picked up my pencil and began adding texture to the drawing, "What you drawing?" I glared at Brandon, "What do you care?" "I'm just trying to be nice." he said as he put his hands up in an innocent gesture. No way in hell did I by it. I scoffed, "And since when are you nice to me?" He squinted at me, confused, "When have I not been nice to you?" "Are you just going to keep answering my questions with another question?" "I don't know, am I?" I said with a raised brow, purposely. Just to tick me off, he had to come up with the lamest question. "Well whenever I'm at your hanging out with Nicki, you barely ever say hi. Last time I checked ignoring people isn't being nice." I said and went back to my drawing. There was a moment of silence, and I kept cussing in my head when I found myself wishing he'd end it...he did, "Well, I said hi today...what you drawing?" "Just stuff." I said with a sigh. Brandon moved closer to me to try and peer over my shoulder, so I quickly slammed my sketchpad shut, "What do you want Brandon?" "I want to see what you're drawing." he said with a smirk as he reached a hand out for my sketch pad. I quickly slid it out of reach across the lunch table and glared at him, "Well too bad. You're not gonna." He looked down at the filthy tiled school floor and began to fake whimper. I couldn't help but laugh, "You are so pathetic." But what he did worked. His little fake pout, caught me off guard, and so while I was giggling at him he tour the notebook from my hands. "Hey! Give it back!" I yelped as I reached for my sketchpad. Brandon only smirked some more and stood to make sure I couldn't reach it. Why did he have to be so tall? I stood up and tried to jump for it, but he was a good few inches taller then me and really fast too. He'd just switch hands. I looked around and saw that a lot of people were watching us, and my cheeks immediately began to blush. I couldn't not try and get my book back. A lot of personal stuff was in that thing. And then I saw Brandon's friends in the corner of the lunch room laughing their asses off. I knew it! He wasn't being nice! He was just trying to crack up his friends by making a fool out of me! I stopped jumping and gave Brandon my fiercest glare, "Give! Me! My! Sketchbook! Now!" "Why? What's in here that you don't want me to see, huh?" Well let's see; there are my personal thoughts, my emo and depressing drawings of crying woman and dead babies! Nothing out of the ordinary! "Give it back, you fucking prick!" Brandon's smirk grew into a smile, "Ooooh! I get it! You've got pictures of me in here, don't you?" I blushed, but my anger didn't go away. Not even a bit, "Yeah! Tons! There's even a nude drawing!" I growled sarcastically. Now he obviously knew I was being sarcastic, yet he still felt like making me feel like crap! Why? Who knows! "Oh yeah! Let's see one, shall we." he said as he opened the book and flipped through a couple of pages. He squinted at them, his smile immediately disappearing. Was he confused? Surprised? Disgusted? Then I saw his lips. They were moving the slightest bit, but nothing was coming out. He was reading! Hell no! He was not reading that! Panic arouse in me. My heart began to beat, my legs were shaking, and my whole body was heating in embarrassment. Now he was going to tell everyone about me. He's was going to tell everyone how horrible I thought my life was and how I cut...No! I won't let him! I reached for the book, but this time he caught my wrist instead of pulling the book out of my reach. I tried to pull away as I groaned in dislike, "Let me go! What are you doing?" With his free hand he slammed the book shut and put it on top of the lunch table, and then he yanked me closer to him. I tried to pull away again, but eventually gave up. Brandon he hated football, but he LOVED hockey...and he was definitely way stronger than any football player in the high school, and definitely stronger than me. He looked at me; his eyes so dark they seemed black, just like my mother's had turned this morning. Only he didn't seem angry. Surprised? Maybe even a bit worried? But not angry. I looked back at him, and cursed at myself when I began to cry. He knew. Oh god, he knew! He looked from my face, and then to my wrist which he held in his hand. Slowly and gently he pushed up the long sleeve to my shirt to reveal my freshly scarred wrist. There were at least five; thin and jagged strips of scarred flesh ran across my wrist, plus a bunch of red lines that were now a bit puffy from the rubber band I used most of the time during school. It didn't numb me as good as the razor blades, but they were easier to get away with during class. You can't exactly sit in the middle of Algebra and cut yourself to the point of bleeding and not get noticed. His thumb brushed over my bruised skin, and I winced the slightest bit. The rubber band bruises still hurt a bit. The scars not so much, but they weren't completely healed either, “Why would you—” I need him in between the legs, grabbed my sketch pad, and ran out of the cafeteria before the bell rang and before he could ask anything. I ignored his moans of pain, and I didn't care that I'd most likely get in trouble since the whole entire school saw me do it...I didn't even look back. I just wanted to get out of there. The whole school didn't need to see me cry like the pathetic two year old I was. He was just like my mother. He didn't care about me, only wanted to have his nose in everyone’s business. Chapter Three: Prince Charming, Superheroes, Guardian Angels, Fairy Godmother’s, and Me Brandon’s P.O.V. My guy friends ran over to me the moment Tanya had decided to knee me in my downstairs are. Boy it hurt like a mother fucker! No girl as ever done that to me before! I’ve never even been hit there during a sport or anything! Never! So when she…god! It freakin hurts! It stings, there’s this non-stop ringing in my left ear, and guess what my friends are doing to help me….NOTHING! Their just laughing their freakin asses off and are rolling on the floor imitating me. I moaned in pain as I held my junk just hoping the pain would stop…or at least decrease…then I thought of Tanya…but not Tanya in general…her book. I could still see the perfect drawing in my head. It was amazing and beautiful, yet depressing and sad at the same time. It had been a drawing of this girl…it was a portrait, a self portrait! Tanya was sitting in a corner, her black hair dangling in her face. She was wearing a huge black sweatshirt and underwear and was clutching her knees to her chest in the most vulnerable and sad position I had ever seen. Most of the background was nothing but scribbles of black that were closing in on her, as if she were suffocating…but there was one strand of light that shined through the darkness and lit up only the slightest part of her face. Only part of one eye was visible in the picture, past her hair and the darkness, and one single black tear was falling over her cheek…and I’ll never forget what it said at the bottom of the page in perfect cursive letters: I’m ugly inside and out! I’m hopeless! I’m alone! I’m no longer a princess! There’s no such thing as Prince Charming! There’s no longer any Superheroes or Guardian Angels! I have no Fairy God Mother! I’m just a sad, lonely, pathetic, clumsy, pest! I’m in head deep, lost! Too deep and too lost to be helped by any Prince Charming! Any Superhero! Any Guardian Angel! Or any Fairy God Mother! I’m not even worth it! And under this passage of writing was a knife dripping blood that zigzagged through the words! The heartbreaking words of poor Tanya! What was wrong with her? Why did she feel this way? How does she not know how beautiful she is? How can she say she’s ugly, inside AND out? How can she not have hope? How far deep and lost can this poor girl? How can she believe that she’s not worth being saved? That she’s not worth anyone’s attention, or love? She’s smart, beautiful, talented…why doesn’t she see that? I ignored the pain, and I ignored my obnoxious friends’ laughter and watched Tanya’s back as she ran out of the cafeteria her long black hair flowing behind her. I hadn’t meant to hurt her. I didn’t realize that what I did make her upset. I didn’t even realize she was hurting in general. I had always just thought she was one of those shy and quiet girls. Well…now I knew why she never wore short sleeves. Know I knew why when ever I’d see her at the pool over the summer, she’d never actually swim. She’s just lie under a tree with her nose in that sketch pad of hers, despite how many times Nicki would try to convince her to hop in. Now I knew everything, and I was going to fix it. I might not be Prince Charming! I’m might not be a Superhero or a Guardian Angel! And I sure as hell ain’t no Fairy God Mother! But I will save her! I will help her! She can count on me! Chapter Four: Denial Tanya's P.O.V. Ring! Ring! Ring! “Hey.” I looked from the black hole of text books and crumpled paper that I call a locker and to Brandon, my brows furrowed and my lips in a frown, “What do you want from me, Brandon! Seriously! Why can’t you just leave me alone?” All day ever since lunch Brandon won’t leave me alone. He’s pretty much following me around like a lost puppy. So yeah, I’ll admit there’s a part of me that likes the attention. Who doesn’t want one of the hottest guys in school following them around…but him? He’s giving me attention for the wrong reasons. All he wants is to know about how horrible my life is so he can go to his friends and brag. “Look, you need help, Tanya. You need to see a physiatrist or something—“ I slammed my locker when my hand twitched to avoid slapping him in the face, “You don’t know me! You don’t know my life!” “Well obviously it’s not that good if you’re cutting yourself!” I went agape as I slapped him on the shoulder, “Will you shut up! I don’t want the whole school to know about it! If anyone finds out—if you tell anyone, everybody’s going to think I’m depressed.” I whispered aggressively as I looked up and down the halls at the hundreds of students at their lockers and chatting on and on about the latest gossip. My name was the last thing I wanted on everyone’s minds let alone lips. “But you are depressed.” “No I’m not,” I growled back through gritted teeth. Brandon laughed in disbelief, “Oh, so you just hurt yourself for fun? Is that it? You get pleasure from hurting yourself?” My cheeks grew warm as I felt the tears come. I tried to hold them back, but it was too late. I had let my guard slip for one second and now I couldn’t bring my wall back up. It was almost like they just faded away! I quickly looked to my side and into my locker, just to advert my stare. I might not like Brandon, but I still don’t want him to see me cry. If he notices—which I’m sure he already has—he’ll tell his friend’s that he made “Miss. Emo, cry!” I took in a jagged breath as tears poured over my cheeks and down my neck. I began to sob, but quickly bit the inside of my cheek to muffle the noise! If anyone saw this, my life would be screwed, even more than it already was. “Why do you do it, Tanya?” After a moment of holding back my sobs and hiccups I whispered, “It numbs me.” “I can’t hear you, Tanya.” Brandon said with a slight chuckle as he took a step closer to me so that no one could hear us talking. I took in another deep breath and turned to look at him. His brown eyes which I usually described as mud brown now seemed fluorescent with worry and concern. They were a caramel chocolate brown that for reasons that I don’t quite understand made me want to trust him. I had already explained all this to Nicki, but she couldn’t do anything to help me. She’s never been in my position and so all she could do was say “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.” Her support still wasn’t enough. Maybe…maybe all I needed was one more person to talk too. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as I thought he was. Maybe he did care. Maybe he would listen. “It numbs me,” I repeated as a tear rolled down my face and into the crease of my lips. I could taste the nasty saltiness of it and I held back the erg to wipe all the wetness on my cheeks away. “It-it numbs you? From what?” he asked as he leaned against the locker next to me. “It numbs my emotional hurt…and forces me to focus on the physical hurt.” Brandon squinted at me in confusion, “What do you mean?” “When I…cut…it makes me forget about why I was upset…and instead…makes me feel the physical pain of the cut. It takes away the emotional pain….it numbs me,” I whispered with a shrug. There was a long silence, and I just wanted to run away. Brandon was just staring at me with those chocolate—not mud—brown eyes, as I cried. He was just watching me, as more and more and more tears flowed, “That’s not good.” I laughed through the pain and tears, “No shit, Sherlock.” A small half-smile appeared on Brandon’s face. He raised his hand to my face and I innately flinched thinking he might hit me. I watched his big callused hand hesitate, before finally brushing the tears off my right cheek. I didn’t move, didn’t speak. I just stood still, motionless, frozen. “I can help you.” “My best friend couldn’t help me…and I don’t even like you, so…” Another small half-smile spread across Brandon’s face, “You can’t just hold it in and confide in one person—“ “She’s my best friend! You? You ignored me my whole life, and now all of a sudden you want to help me? I barley know you! “I didn’t realize that you were upset! I’m trying to help you! You can’t just ignore me!” Ring! Ring! Ring! Went the bell signaling the end of locker time and the beginning of last period. “You want a bet!” I whispered as I pulled away from his hand and walked away to study hall. Chapter Five: A Misunderstood Misunderstanding Tanya's P.O.V. “Hey, mom?” I asked into the school’s phone not sure of what she’d say. I hoped to god she’d say yes. I needed a girl’s night, just me and Nicki. I used to hang out with her all the time, but lately I haven’t been able too. Around her I’m happy, and I miss the happy me. I heard a sigh from the other end of the phone that made the speaker crackle, “Yeah? What you want?” “Nicki said that her parents wanted me over for dinner tonight, since I haven’t seen them in awhile?” “Don’t beat around the bush, Tanya. Just fuckin ask what you want to ask?” My mother growled through the phone so loudly that the teacher walking by me heard it. I turned around to meet the skinny teacher’s face and I blushed as I mouthed a ‘hi’. They gave me a sympathetic look, and walked away. He didn’t ask me what was going on. He didn’t ask me if I was okay. He just gave me a look, and walked off never once looking back. “Can I stay for dinner at Nicki’s?” I mumbled. There was another loud sigh that showed evidence of her being annoyed, angry; you know the norm! “How long are you gonna be there?” “I don’t know, nine at the latest I guess.” “Is that boy gonna be there?” “Boy? What boy?” “Don’t act dumb, you fucking smart-ass!” I went agape as tears began to form. I wasn’t upset, I was just that angry. She always thought I was lying to her. She always thought I was purposely being a “bitch”. I seriously didn’t know what she was talking about, and for her to call me a smart-ass because of that? It’s so unfair! She calls me out on everything! Even stuff I never did, yet I can’t say one thing to offend her or I’m the one that’s gets slapped in the face! “I’m not being a smart-ass. I’m just saying I don’t know who you’re talking about!” “That Billie, guy? The girls brother?” “You mean Brandon?” “See? You do know him, you fucking ungrateful son of a—“ Tears began overflowing over my cheeks, my lips were quivering, my legs were shaking, and my heart was beating roughly against my chest. I couldn’t breathe a steady breath; every breath I took was shaky and uncomfortable to take in. “Mom! I swear I’m not lying! I didn’t know who you were talking about until you said Nicki’s brother.” “Whatever! He’s gonna be there?” “Yeah, why wouldn’t he—“ “And you still want to go?” That caught me off guard. I was confused, and overwhelmed, and had no clue what she meant. What did she mean ‘You still want to go’? Why wouldn’t I? “Yeah,” I said slowly not wanting to anger my mother, and knowing that if I said the wrong thing she’d flip. “So you want to hang out with your friend even though a boy that’s older then you is going to be there? Are you crazy? What if he—“ “Mom! No! Brandon, he might be full of himself but he’s nothing like that. Besides, it’s not like I’m sleeping over. It’s just dinner.” “Yeah? That’s how they all are! You wanna know how I lost my virginity?” “No, mom! Don’t!” More tears began to pour from my eyes as a weird feeling hit me in my gut. I knew what was coming. I knew what she was going to say, and I didn’t want to hear it. I already knew the story, and she always used it against me. “I was drugged, Tanya! I was drugged and raped! I awoke to a fucking douche bag climbing off of my naked body, and you want to know who it was? You want to know who fucking raped me?” “Mom! Stop it!” I whispered through tears as my mother began to grow louder to the point where the lady (Miss. Ravens) in the office was staring at me. I didn’t like it. It made me feel so much more uncomfortable then I all ready was, “Please, I’m using the school phone. The teachers can hear everything your saying—“ “I don’t give a fuck, what they hear. They can go shove it! You need to hear this—“ even though I all ready have millions of times “—I was raped by a guy who I thought was my best, and I mean BEST, friend. He took away the only innocent thing about me!” “Mom! Please!” “So if you want to, whatever! Got to Nicki’s! I don’t care! Call me when you want your father to pick you up!” “Wait! Mom! I just want to—“Click! She hung up on me leaving me in the dark, eyes and cheeks soaked with tears and my heart full of hurt, “I love you,” I mumbled as I hung up the phone grabbed my back and…“Are you okay, sweetie?” I looked up at Miss. Raven, her glasses on the tip of her pixie nose and her eyes fixed on me. I quickly wiped my wet cheeks and smiled, “Excuse me?” “I said are you okay?” I hesitated for a moment to swallow the wetness in the back of my mouth, “Um…yeah! I’m-I’m fine.” Miss. Raven nodded—even though it was clear that she knew I was lying—and pushed her glasses back up to her eyes, “Well…have a good day…” With a smile I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the school’s office, but the moment I passed through the door and into the empty school hall way I again began to cry. Chapter Six: Leave Me Alone Brandon’s P.O.V. “Tanya told me about how you read her sketchpad…” I looked up at my little sister from my laptop and rolled my eyes, “So…” “She also told me how you said she should see a shrink—“ “I was just trying to help her—“ “And you seriously think telling her to see a shrink was the best thing? I mean, really Brandon? The first thing that pops into her head when you say shrink is crazy! So now not only is she depressed, she thinks she’s crazy! Why couldn’t you just let her be?” I was starting to feel a bit angry. I shut my laptop and stood up, to stand over her, “Why aren’t you trying to help her?” I glared down on her hoping she’d back down. I never like fighting with Nicki, but she needs to see that I’m not wrong this time. I was very surprised and impressed, though, when she didn’t back down like she usually did, “I am trying to help her!” “No you’re not! You’re sitting there and letting your best friend suffer in silence! How can you live with yourself knowing that you’re not doing anything to help her? At least I tried to talk to her and tell her what I thought would be good for her!” Tears made her eyes go glassy, but she didn’t let them fall over her cheeks. She held them in, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty for making her feel that way. I just couldn’t control my anger…I don’t even know what exactly I’m so angry about. I swear sometimes I think that boys have non-official periods too. “I have talked to her! I have told her what I thought was best! But there’s nothing I can do! All of her emotions and the cutting? I don’t understand them! I wish I could help her, and I have tried…but I just can’t.” There was a very long silence as I watched my sister cry. Never once had I even thought how she was feeling. Nicki, she was always obnoxiously loud and happy. She was always laughing or being a goof-ball. She’s never, EVER been depressed…so how was she supposed to help Tanya? How am I supposed to? “What do you do then…?” Nicki giggled through her tears as she wiped her wet cheeks, “I ignore it.” “You ignore her pain? That’s how you help her?” My anger was rekindling, but her response confused me so much that the anger disappeared as quickly as it had come. “Yup.” There was another long silence before she continued, “I don’t ask her about her pain. I don’t even ever mention the scars and cuts. I just ignore them. When she comes to me upset I embrace her, encourage her to get all her feelings out…and then we got out to the park, or we go rollerblading, or to the movies…I do whatever I can to get her mind off of whatever it is that upset her. I do whatever I can to make her laugh.” I thought for a while about what my sister was saying. And to me what she said made sense. It would never take away her hurt, or her emotional trauma…but Tanya could be herself and have fun for a while. No worried, no regrets, just her and Nicki. “Brandon, I know you like her—“ “I don’t like—“ “Don’t even try it.” I shut my mouth immediately and listened to my sister, “I might be younger and more gullible then you, but I’m still your little sister. I still know you. I knew you liked her the day I brought her home for the first time. That’s why you ignored her, correct? At first she seemed like just another annoying pest, but then you got to know her a bit. Then you started dating Natalie and you’re too big of a horn dog to control yourself.” I shot her a glare as I crossed my arms. “Relax, I’m just saying.” “Just get on with it already, Nicole!” “Like I was saying, I know you like her…but you need to understand that the last thing she needs is more heartbreak. Don’t start anything with her unless you know for absolute sure that you’re not going to be a complete jerk and you need to be sure that you just don’t like her because of her cute ass and face. “You need to be able to stand up for her against your friends and you need to be able to deal with the rumors that would be spread if you hung out with her.” “Yes, Dr. Phil!” I sighed as I hoped back onto my bed. “I’m serious, Brandon! If you start stuff with her and then toss her off your shoulder a few weeks later because you’re tired of her, you’re just going to make her even more depressed.” The realization of all my past girlfriends suddenly hit me. Becky, Jamie, Rebecca, Natalie? All of them, I liked…for about a month tops. Each one I had dated because of their looks, not because I liked their personalities. And when I was bored, I’d just throw them away. Would I just end up doing the same to Tanya? Tanya’s P.O.V. Tears were pouring down my eyes as I listened through Brandon’s closed bedroom door. I could hear everything he and Nicki were saying. EVERYTHING! I never realized that Nicki was hurting a bit herself. I never realized that she felt guilty about not being able to comfort me completely, but now I knew. The tone in her voice and the way she spoke made that evident. She sounded like she was crying. …and then I heard, “Brandon, I know you like her,” and I ran downstairs to wait for Nicki on the living room couch. The tears had stopped pouring, and my guilt for making Nicki feel guilty had faded a bit. Now, I was just too surprised at that last sentence; “I know you like her…” Did he? I mean I’ll admit, he’s a gorgeous guy and he’s smart, funny…but he’s a huge player and only does stuff for self-benefit. He does stuff when he gets something in return. So do I think he’s hot? Hell yeah! Do I like him? I don’t know! I don’t think so… “Hey hun! How was school?” I heard Mr. Rivers ask as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. I wiped the tears quickly off my cheeks and plastered a fake smile on my face, “Oh, it was fine. Thanks for asking, Mr. Rivers.” “For the last time, Tanya, call me John.” I nodded, “Thanks…John.” “Well dinner’s ready, you want to go get Brandon and Nicki or shall I?” “Ummmmm…I think it’d be best if you get them. I’ll go help your wife in the kitchen.” Chapter Seven: Fears Confirmed Tanya’s P.O.V. “Need any help?” I looked over my shoulder to see Brandon. His straight brown hair was dangling in his eyes, hands shoved in his pockets. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and glared, “No, I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help…especially a shrink’s.” He was talking about the dishes which I had offered to do after dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Rivers, but I was talking about…you know…my cutting thing. I ignored Brandon and I shoved both my hands back into the hot soapy water to find the last of the dirty silverware. “Okay I’m sorry about that whole shrink thing. I swear I don’t think you’re crazy, but—“that word ‘but’ immediately infuriated me. It meant he was going to say something that I didn’t like…I was right “—you really do need to talk to somebody.” I tossed the clean fork that I had been scrubbing back into the fluffy soapy water and turned to Brandon, “Look! I understand that you’re trying to help the poor emo girl, but save your sympathy for someone that wants it, okay?” Brandon didn’t waver. He just crossed his arms and stood his ground, “You need help, Tanya.” “Why? Why do I need help? What do you think I am? Crazy? Sick?” I growled as I grabbed the counter top behind me and squeezed. A sharp pain shot up my hand as the edge of the counter dug into my palm. it didn't brake the skin and draw blood, but it was enough pain to take awau some of my anger and frustration. Brandon sighed and rolled his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. I could tell just by looking at his face. I was ticking him off…good. “Tanya, I—“ “If you really want to help me Brandon, leave me alone. Stop following me at school. Stop bringing it up. Just stop! You don’t know me, and you don’t know what my life is like! I don’t need help! I just need people to stay out of my business!” “What is wrong with you?” Brandon whispered with a smirk! He was actually smiling. What the hell? Who the hell did he think he was? He had no right! What’s so funny about this anyway? What’s so funny about a girl hating herself so much to the point of self-destruction? What’s so funny about a mother not loving her own child? “What is wrong with me? What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” I asked on the verge of tears. He had no right to judge me, or laugh at me. He doesn’t live my life. He has a happy family that loves him. He doesn’t know what it’s like. “This morning you were okay with opening up to me, and now you’re just being a bitch.” I went agape. Seriously? You tell your sister you want to help me, and then you call me a bitch? What the heck are you doing?! “Nobody’s going to help you if you act all bipolar like this.” “For the last time, Brandon, I don’t want your help. I don’t need a shrink, and I don’t need a self-absorbed hockey player to tell me what to do. You don’t know what it’s like to be me. You don’t know what it’s like to live with my mother—“ “See! You just proved my point.” I froze, confused. “If you didn’t want help, you wouldn’t have just let the fact that you were upset about your mother slip out so easily.” I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t. I hadn’t really said that, had I? I hadn’t mentioned my mother? “I never said that I was upset at my mother.” “You didn’t flat out say ‘I’m upset with my mom’. But you’re on the verge of crying and you did say ‘You don’t know what it’s like to live with my mother’.” No! I hadn’t seriously…crap! No he, for sure, wasn’t going to leave me alone! He was going to go on and on about my life till I exploded. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears that were now stinging my vision, and squeezed. The faint palm in my hands increase, but only the slightest bit. My heart was pounding, my breathes were getting quicker and quicker, and then…I felt a hand on mine. It was Brandon’s. Slowly and carefully I felt his fingers intertwine in mine as he pulled them away from the counter. Then I felt is warm breath on my lips and my eyes burst open, “Wha-what are you doing?” Brandon looked at me, his brown eyes darker than normal, but not black. He seemed hurt or worried, “Tanya…I…” “Brandon?” I asked with a frown not sure how to react. He was holding my hands to his chest with a faint smile, and I was on the verge of tears because he won’t stop bringing up my cutting. That’s the only reason I had agreed to come tonight, I thought I’d be able to escape my mother for a few more hours, “I…like you…Tanya. I have for a while. And I just don’t understand how you can act like…what you’re doing to yourself, is no big deal.” I stood still and motionless, not sure what to do or say. One single tear rolled over my cheek, to my lips. I took a quick breath through my mouth to swallow the nasty and salty wetness from the single tear. Brandon lifted his hand to my cheek, and I innately winced thinking of the hard to forget yet rare times that my mother had back handed me. Brandon hesitated for a moment, but then quickly brush a strand of my black hair past my ear that had fallen out of my ponytail. I looked into his eyes, and I bit my lip not sure of what to do. His eyes were a dark brown that showed a deep emotion that I didn't understand. Looking into those eyes, despite myself, I felt warm and safe, I guess. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to tell him what my life was like. I wanted to tell him of my pain and hurt, and I wanted him to help me...but he doesn't know me like Nicki, and even she can't help me...so how could he. Brandon took a step into me, slowly to give me plenty of time to object and push him away. I just stood still. Part of me wanted this, and another part was telling me to run. Run and never look back. I felt confused, yet hopeful, and I knew I couldn't afford to think that way. Why are you even risking this, Tanya, I scolded myself, You're such an idiot! You know what kind of a guy Brandon is! Why are you risking it. Brandon's lips brushed mine, and nothing was no longer in slow motion. I wanted this, but I couldn't let it happen. I just couldn't. i'd be setting my self up for failure and for more(like Nicki had said)heartbreak. "Brandon?" "Yea," he whispered against my mouth without pulling back to look at me or anything. He didn't progress forward, though. he just stood still and motionless, like me. I slowly shook my head, "I...I can't..." "Can't what? Just say the words and I'll back up." I pulled back to look at Brandon, in his eyes. Did he think this was a game? Is that all he thought I was? A game? Well he's not going to win me. He's going to have to try way harder then this. "I can't do this." I whispered suddenly feeling played or used. Brandon sighed in dislike, but he did pull away. He took a few steps back, and then shoved his hands back into his pockets. I leaned against the kitchen sink, hands going back to the edge of the kitchen counter. "Tanya...are you-" Ding! Dong! I practically ran out of the kitchen when I heard the doorbell. My father was here to drive me home. Never had I ever been happier to leave Nicki's house. Publication Date: June 24th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-chloeknox18

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-m-d-medina-mr-perfect-meets-ms-trouble/

m.d medina mr perfect meets ms trouble what will hapen when mr perfect falls for the one girl who he least expects he would alicia "Alicia" i heard someone whispering in my ear "ALICIA!" I heard my brother screamed "get up woman!" i groaned "leave me alone" he jumped on my bed and started screaming like a five year old "get up wake up before i leave you and you have to take the bus or miss school!" I said "bye" he got off my bed and and chuckled "bye" i heard his car start about 5 minutes later and drive off. I realized what just happen and shot up i mumbled to myself "he did not just really leave me and looked at my clock why was he leaving so early it was only 7:00 school doesn't start for a hour. I got up still a little groggy and walked to my mirror and jumped back a little realizing it was my image in the mirror and i mumbled "i really need to fix myself." I walked to my closet and grabbed a pair of boot cut jeans that fit very well and grabbed a shirt that said "I am responsible for what I say,But not for what you miss understand" that was lime green. By the way im alicia if you havent relized im 5'6 yeah kinda tall. I'm 14 I have really curly black locks of hair and dark brown eyes and im a light caramel color. I'm not the popularst girl in my school actually people barley notice me except for the "it" crew when they torture me. My brother is a senior at the same school but barley relizes whats going on with the freshman he is really tall at 6'4 he has straight black hair and percing dark blue eyes. He is one of the "it" crews in the higher grade. I'm pretty sure that he would stick up for me but he doesnt need to know about it I know its kinda selfish but whatever.People at school dont know im his little sister though cause im pretty sure then the "it" crew would take me in but I want to get through highschool by myself well whatever.I got in the shower and got out I was ready by 7:25 I dryed my hair which got its normal soft curls,and went down stairs and grabbed a pop tart,and put it in the toster and smiled. I love those things I think I got a straberry one ."pop" I heard the toster sound and then put it on a plate and let it cool I ate it and saw it was 7:35,and I stuffed the rest the pop tart in my mouth and ran upstairs grabbed my books,and brushed my teeth really quick,and grabbed my black converse,and ran outside I was sitting on the stool. I heard some girls laughing down the road and I frowened and I heard kaity say "hey loser do you need a ride?" kaity has red hair and green eyes her friend beside her said "yeah loser did you hear her!" I just looked at them and looked away she said "I think we need to teach this loser a lesson" she got out of the car and grabbed her scissors and said why dont we show you what real fasion is.They cut up my shirt and left me I was kicking back but kaity just held my arms and legs while her evil minnion cut up my shirt.I ran into my house grabbed a new hollister shirt that was pink and walked out and whith my luck what happened I saw the bus drive off "GREAT!" then I heard a car pull by my house and said "do you need a ride?" i walked up closer so i could get a better look at the guy who offered me a ride he looked about 16 he was pretty cute I said "your not a perv trying to rape me right?" He smiled and said "get in" I looked at him and said "you never answered my question." He said "no im not trying to rape you but yes im a perv." He chuckled he said 'so you coming or not?!" I said "s....ure..." and I ran to the stop I was at and grabbed all my stuff,and ran up to his car.He smiled and I got in "logan...logan stonewall!" "I know who you are but im alicia kenish" he smiled and said "ahh nice name" I said "thanks I guess" he laughed "why are you being so stiff?" I said "i'm not being stiff" he said "yes you are" "no im not" "yes you are" "whatever" "wow your a feisty one arnt you" "well logan your a pretty boy arnt you" "so you think im pretty?" He said batting his eyelashes like a school girl who had a crush on a boy I said "dont flatter yourself" he smiled and said "dont worry i get those from girls all the time." I sneered he giggled "hey what grade are you in?" he asked "9Th." "Oh no wounder." "No wounder what?" "no wounder I havent seen you" "yeah..." we were silent the rest the way he was grinning the whole way though we got to school I said "hey thanks...for the ride" and smiled a little he said "oh so she has a smile" I put my hands up to my face and said "no way" he laughed and I heard some guys say screamed at his car. The scream came from over near a parking lot and the 5 boys that were there said "Logan get your ass over here!" He drove over near the parking space and I got out of the car and the 5 guys sitting there looked surprised. Then got a smirk on there face I got kinda creeped out and they said hey come over here to me. I walked over there and said "hi" like idiots I said "hi" and started walking away but then they said "wait" and then logan walked up. I actually didn't look at him much he was really cute he had light brown hair and bright green eyes he was about 6'1 he was hot.I thought and my mouth open with a little o shaping my mouth.little I turned and saw his friends smiling at us all the guys were cute one kinda short like 5'8 with blond hair he looked like a minutaure version of logan.There was one with redish brown hair that was spikie with frekles everywhere he was about 5'9. One with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes a little darker than mine same hight as the red head.Then one guy that had jet black hair like mine with grey eyes he was about 5'11. Then the last was a guy that had dark brown hair with hazel eyes about 6'2. They were all pretty buff and had deep voices the one with blonde hair asked with a smile "sooo is thiis your new girlfriend" me and logan looked at each other with wide eyes and said "girlfriend?!" "No we are just friends" I stammered "yeah what she said" he said kinda nervous why were we nervous? We weren't dating and they all said "uhm hum" and logan said "oh yeah" he pointed to the boy with blond hair trying to change the subject and said "that's justin and he is my little brother he is in 10th grade" and pointed to the red head "nik he is in 11th grade like me" and pointed at dark brown hair and said "kevin 12th" then pointed at the guy with black hair and said "austin 11th" and pointed at the guy with hazel eyes and said "alexander 12th(alex for short)." They all had a smile like the first one had big and toothy grins. They all said in tune "hello" I said "well i'm alicia" they said "Alicia" at the same time I said you guys dont have to say it in sync they all said it at a random time "ok" and laughed "yeah we do that to creep people out" said nik I said well it worked then Austin said "sooo logan lik...: logan cut in and said "soo I will see you later" and he looked at me like i should go I said "k later..." and then I realized omg nik is kaitys brother... logan --Logan's pov-- She walked away and I just smirked. "Man you like her" austin said while slightly punching my arm my brother asked me "Do you like her?Do you want her to be your girlfriend?Do you want to..." "bro..listen don't be like mom ha ha you ask to many questions." "ha yeah talk about annoying siblings kaity had her stupid boyfriend over at our house last night and he ate all my pizza" said nik. "Awwww man come to my house and ill by you pizza" said austin while he pat nik on the back "Well bro i'm waiting for your answer.." said justin "Why do you want to know?" i asked "Cause I do man just answer the question don't be such a vagina" he said rolling his eyes "Did you just saw vagina" I laughed out "Yes i did now answer the question" he said everyone else was silent and looking at me then I heard the bell and ran inside and I said "sorry you guys gotta get to class" I don't know why i was so nervous to answer that question I mean yeah I thought she was cute but i didn't like her i barley knew her.When i walked into the building i heard a bunch of girls giggling and saying "how hot logan is" "how cute I am" how awesome i am." I mean I did like the attention but it could get kinda crazy I was on my way to gym when i felt a tap on my shoulder and i turned around and saw Katie niks sister."Hi katie what do you want?" I said kinda rude "I was wondering if you were going to the pep rally this Friday?"She asked touching my arm and twirling her hair "Of course i'm going i'm the lead quarterback" katie really made me mad I didn't like her I was just nice to her cause she was my best friends younger sister "Well" she smiled "would you like to go with me then we could go do something else if you want" She bit her lower lip she looked like she was lusting me wait what lust? No no no this wasn't good why me i thought then I heard alicia's voice "Katie why don't you leave logan alone?" "Why are you talking to me you piece of trash your ugly anyways" "Katie I may be ugly but you are way uglier than me any-day you may be pretty on the outside but you are the ugliest person i know and personality don't tramp beauty unless you a re you who sleeps with every guy while dating Avery" she was right so i laughed a little and katie looked at me and she raised her hand and smacked alicia across the face she looked happy about it. "That's what you get you piece of trash" I looked at her and saw her brother with a shocked face nik I walked in and saw my little sister slap alicia across the face I saw logan was between them I was so dissapointed the way she treated other people I mean she wasn't always like that she used to be my sweet little sister. I guess middle school changed her i was mad and angry so i walked up to them and grabbed her arm and said "what the hell is your problem you such a little bitch sometime and don't worry mom will know how you treat other people and logan yeah he doesn't like you he is nice to you cause I asked him to be so leave him alone and leave alicia alone also stop being a little brat" I spat it looked like I slapped her across her face she started crying and ran away i helped alicia pick up her books and looked at logan who was helping alicia up and she straightened out her clothes he said "nice job man" I said "yeah it was noting" I asked alicia if she was ok she stammered and said "y...yeah" and she looked like she was about to cry but she didn't then I saw Ryan kenish running t'words us he hugged alicia and logan looked surprised and said "uhm well alicia i will talk to you later" he ran off i think he thought that was alicia's boyfriend which I didn't know if they were or not "logan" alicia screamed "well ill talk to you guys later I have to talk to you later hey actually ill sit with you at lunch and I will bring logan to lunch." "Ok thanks" she looked like she was about to cry I will see you later" "bye" and I walked to class oh the joy of chemistry I sat in my seat next to who else but my beautiful girlfriend "hey babe" I said she said "oh hey and gave me a half hug" "whats up" "nothing" her name was jenny she had short blond hair that was in like a bob and bright blue eye's. "so I was thinking" jenny said "yes about?" she smiled "I think i'm going to join swim team" "That's awesome babe!" i said "yeah and I was thinking you could join also" she grinned "uhm i don't know about all of that but I will be there for every game I mean meet" she looked dissapointed but said "ok" "by the way we are sitting in a new place at lunch today" "why" "just cause" "ok?" then the teacher walked in and we stopped talking avery I was walking down the hall and saw alicia walking down the hall she looked lost like always and it was already spring and school was almost over and she still looked lost she was pretty but she was a nerd and I'm dating katie."Hey alicia you need help' she looked up at me and said "s..ure" and we walked past the gym.I opened the door and saw katie grabbing logan's arm and flirting with him which made me pissed and alicia said "hey ill talk to you later if you wan't" I said "s..sure" focasing my attention on logan and katie he didn't look to happy about katie touching him I couldn't deal with this I walked to class and sat in my seat and sat next to this girl with braces she was drooling all over her paper and said "hi avery" i smiled and looked away and made a disgusting look She was kind of scary looking I mean she had like full out braces and was slobbering like my sister Jessie did. The teacher walked in the class room and then I saw Katie walk in class she looked like she was about to cry I asked her “what’s wrong” she said "it's none of your business" and the teacher said that we needed to be quiet so we did I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down welcome to dumpsvill population You”. I handed the paper to her and she read it and looked in shocked and said ‘why?’ I wrote 'cause you’re a whore and im tired of it' she frowned and rolled her eyes and went through the rest of the day ignoring her. alicia I was confused I walked here cause I knew I saw avery I had the biggest crush on him since the third grade. He walked and then asked me “Do you need help Alicia?” I was shocked he knew my name he hasn’t said it till the third grade were he kissed me under the basketball court for a dare he smiled at me his smile was so adorable but not as cute as logans wait!Why in the world am I thinking about logan I was walking with avery in my own thought thinking about logan he was so adorable I thought and so nice I wish he liked me I said in my mind and avery opend door for me and I smiled and said thanks and he said your welcome and he stood there in shock and I saw Katie flirting with logan and my heart broke a little for avery I said hey ill talk to you later cause he seemed really upset and so I walked over to Katie and logan and told her off she slapped me across my face my books flew across the room and I wanted to cry I saw nick I barley heard him say anythiy and saw Katie run away about to cry I got up then saw my brother running twords me and he hugged me and asked me “are you ok?”Yeah I saw logan looked a little hurt and he said “I have to go” he ran away and I screamed out “logan” hopeing it would stop him but he ignored me nik said hey I have to go looking at my brother suspiciously and said “ill sit with you at lucnch and I will bring logan” I said ok cause I felt bad about making logan feel bad I was about to cry I walked to my math class and sat in the back by mysewlf and the teacher began to teach and I fell asleep Imy day went by so fast I was already at lunch oh the joy of meat loaf Mondays I got a handburger though and got some grappes and jello with a chocolate milk I sat down at a table and saw nik walking my way with a veryt pretty girl I noticed I had lunch period with all of them a long time ago but I usually ate by myself except sometimes my friends sat with me but I mostly sat by myself yeah I know your surprised I have friends *shocked face* yeah but they don’t come up much in the book wait why am I talking to myself nik sat down and I saw logan get in line and he came to my table and sat down and nik said jenny Alicia Alicia jenny my girlfriend jenny said hi I said hiya and logan grumbled and went to his lunch I said whats wrong and he all of a sudden cracked on me. logan When I saw him hugging her I clicked and I left and ran into class. I sat next to this girl in my class she was hot but she is absolutly dumb we had a project to do together the teacher was sitting in class and we were talking she said "like uhm i was woundering if you wanted to go out like you know sometime?' "uhm julie your really beatiful babe but i'm kinda with urm someone kinda" "oh and who is that?" "You don't know her" "oh ok." I got up as the bell rang and I was thinking about alicia when that dude hugged her it was probable her boyfriend I got kinda mad but why exactly was I mad I didn't know exactly but here came nik walking twords me "hey man" he said "whats up" "nothing..Hey you know lets sit with alicia tonight" i felt my face get red "why don't we not?" "come on man for me" "why do you want this so bad?" "Cause man you like her i could tell it by the way you looked at her" "i don't like her dude" "Sure man then why did you drive her to school" "cause I was doing a good deed for a neiboor in need." "Sure man that's why you give her that look" "what look?" "the one were you get all smoshy" "whatever man if i go to lunch with you will you leave me alone?" "Yup" "fine ill go to the stupid lunch" i shut my locker and walked away to my next class the day went by a lot i grabbed my lunch and sat down at alicia's table I was poking at my meat loaf and alicaia said "whats wrong" "WHATS WRONG WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND?" "My boyfriend?" "DON'T PRETEND TO NOT KNOW YOU KNOW THE ONE WHO HUGGED YOU AKA UHM RYAN!" she just laughed which made me more mad "that's my brother didn't i tell you my last name?! its kenish if you never heard" "w..what?!" "yeah his name is ryan kenish and mine is alicia jessica kenish" she laughed I blushed "sorry about that" she just laughed I blushed she said "you must really like me to be getting so mad" I turned even more red and shifted in my seat she raised a eyebrow and bit out of her burger everyone else just looked at me then all of a sudden my little brother came and put his tray down and asked why we all looked like a bunch of dead zombies we all just laughed "hey man" my brother said while patting on my back."Sup brother" "nothing hey alicia" he said winking at her she blushed he smiled in satisfaction knowing he wanted to make her blush. "Hey justin" she smiled "Alicia...babe my brother and you should go out" "What?!" I said "calm down logie you guys would make a cute couple" said jenny and alicia just was looking down she was so adorable she looked up at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes man why am I talking like this I barley met this girl and she makes me feel happy when i'm around her I haven't felt this way in a long time.Dude snap out of it she is just some girl I slaped myself like a ideot and alicia just looked at me like what the hell "uhm are you ok" everyone asked as austin sat down at the table he had a bored look on his face like he always did looked at me and alicia and said "sooo you guys want to hang out after school?" I smiled and said "what do we have planned" "uhmmm i dont know mabey it involves me you alicia.." my brother said "wait wait why dont we have a foursom not just you guys god I dont want to be left out" "What!?!?!" Alicia asked "He is jokeing thats not what we are doing" austin said with a seriouse face "Yeahhh...sure i was" my brother said with shifty eyes austin punched him in the arm and said "shut up man" "austin now its not nice punching people hasnt your mother taught you that tsk tsk tsk" my brother said pointing his finger at him "So alicia....Uhm do you want to hang out with us ofter school" i asked lookeing down at my meat loaf as kevin sat down with alex next to him then justina came and sat down on alex's lap and rachel sat on kevins rachel was pretty kinda she had longish brown wavey hair and blue eyes and she was tall and skinny but she was just ok to me justina was the 'beauty queen' for my grade she had blond hair that was really long it reached to her lower back and it was ocks of curls she had blue eyes and she looked perfect which wasnt a understatement she was freaking but she wasnt my type she was kinda dumb im not saying all blondes are dumb its just that most of them at my school are. "hiya" rachel said waving at alicia, alicia just smiled at her and justina smiled at alicia and said "like...whats up?!" "nothing im alicia by the way: she smiled "hey alicia" kevin alex rachel and justina said in different timeing "Im rachel" "justina" "You know us" said kevin and alex at the same time "SO are you dating austin or justin?" asked rachel "uhm none of them" alicia asked uncomfortable "So your dateing logan" justina asked in shiock "uhm..no" "well i can tell he likes you" rachel said "Why does everyone say that!?" I asked "cause the way you look at her" everyone said in sync except alicia she looked kinda uncomfortable "well...uhm...ok" alicia said she got up and said "I uhm have to go.." she looked really uncomfortable "wait up" i screamed running after her "What now?" alicia asked "what happend over there?" "Its just weird" "what is?" "Im not used to being told that someone liked me.." "Well...Uhm" I said screatching my head "well what?" she asked lifting her eyebrow "Well..do...you?" "Do I what...Like you?" "Yeah?" "Uhm well yeah but I barley know you.." "Well I like you also" " I said i bet my face was beat red her cheeks were turning red also "Well..ok" then she started walking away "Wait ..why dont we go out sometime?" "I dont think that will be such a great idea logan" she sighed "Well why not?" "Cause me and you together that wouldnt be such a great idea" "Well that makes no sense why dont we try" "NO logan im trying to tell you no cuase I do like you dont get me wrong but i've heard you play girls so No is my finnal answer. I dont want to be just another one of those girls and it wouldnt be a great idea" I felt my heart shatter a little I stood there like a ideot with my mouth hung open for about 10 seconds she just stood there and stared at me then she turned and walked away she was gone and I screamed at myself "Ideot" and put my hands in my face and went back to the lunch table planning on going to do something to make her like me again. A light bulb poped in my head 'her brother' i said with a evil grin. ryan "Hey man whats up" i turned and saw logan stonewall "Hey man nothing much" I said grabbing his hand and shakeing it we were on the same football team he was mr heartthrob for the 11th grade well thats what i heard "I need a favor" logan asked "Yeah man what is it?" "You know Uhm alicia right alicia kenish?" "Yeah she is my little sister why?" "Well I was woundering if your parents would let me take her out" "We don't live with our parents they left us alone and send money every week but why would you want to go out with alicia? She is only 14 well she is going to be 15 in September...Your not trying to use her as one of your little play toys right?" he looked really seriouse when he tole me this "No man no I like her she intrests me." I looked at him I don't know I know logan he isnt the greatest guy in the world but I would give him a chance with her "ok im giving you this one chance man but if you ruin it never again" "thanks so much man" and we gave a bro hug and my face looked exactly like this --> >.> when I told him how to win my sister over "Ok so bring her white roses white not any other color make sure they have blummed only a little so she can watch them grow come to my house at 4:40 exactly and at 4:44 she makes a wish and then bring the flowers up to her give her this sob blah blah blah story but man it has to be original you cant get it off the internet.Then tell her she has no choice to go to a place ewith you say you wont leave until she says then if she says no say you will sing a song and you sing terabbily if she says no again and ask her again she will say no then you sing at the top of your lungs realllyyy bad" he looked kinda uncomfortable "Are you down for that" I asked him hopeing he would say 'no man I cant do that its to much' and start crying but insted he said "Yes" man this dude must really be into my sister i thought kinda uncomfortable about a guy who not only was not a virgin but also who was one of the most popular people in the school and liked my little sister. I said "ok man if its to much just tell me no now and ill get on with my life and stuff" "No man im cool with it but I gotta go ill see you later bruh" I eyed hiim and said "ok" and looked like this ----> -.- "what did I just doo?" i mubbled out loud i wanted to punch myself I just let a player like me ask my little sister out poop poop poop I triped over a trash can and looked around hopeing no one saw that and walked away like a cool kid and smiled at a group of girls who were looking at me and when they giggled I said to myself I still got it. Humm should i grorw a beard I think I would look really hot Your so random ryan thats why your so awesome no you are ryan no you are im going crazy yes I am i slaped myself inside my head and said get yourself together man and walked into my class. austin Hummmm... Wait wait what just happend Did I just hear logan ask ryan what he could do to like alicia 'hehehe' i thought to myself I knew it he liked her yes its on and rocking i thought to myself ehh alicia is kinda hot but kinda not my type well she is but she is logan's kinda he owns her yeah yeah ladys we own you we are considered man whores if we stole you from your boyfriend well we don't own you I hope you know what I mean and anyways I could get any chick I wanted I just didn't want one at the moment well if you don't belive me the next chick that walks past me is mine oh shit its some goth chick oh well ill show you i get two chances "Hey beth" I said flashing her a huge smile yeah she was hot but she had a lot of metal and looked pissed all the time kinda like me except for the meatal part she had blond hair she was kinda short and had black hilights and had tons of black liner around her eyes and lipstick the color of blood uhmmm mabey I could make this work "Uhm hi austin" "How are you?" "Fine why are you talking to me?" "Why well beth uase your absouloulty gorgus beth" I said with a smile she just gave me a weird look and said "what do you really want austin" "You" i said winking at her "You want in my pants" "No no no not that I mean that would be cool but I want a date" she sighed and said "well your shit out of luck!" "Why bethanie please your going to make me cry" "Austin no your not why dont you go date ginger.." I looked over at ginger she was pretty but I want beth "No I want a date with you" "Why austin you havent talked to me since the 6th grade when we used to be friends then you became mr popularity!" "Cause beth I missed you" "uhm hummm sure" i grabbed a neclace out from my shirt and she saw it and looked like she almost was going to cry i fliped it over and ingraraved on it said beth and austin bestfriends forever "You kept it?" I smiled a little yeah me and beth were bestfriends since we were little and I wore that neclace she gave me in the third grade she had a braclet but I don't know if she still had it she smiled and gave me a hug and I heard gasps but I didnt care I really did miss beth I hugged her back and I heard wispers and more gasps I asked her "so will you still go out with me?" "Yes austin" she said I smiled a little and said "ill come to your house uhm this afternoon" "Ok.." she said i saw her wipping away some of the black maskara that was going down her cheeks "ill see you later beth" I smiled and walked away alicia “WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND WHATS WRONG?!” logan exclaimed “my boyfriend?” “YEAH YOU KNOW RYAN KENISH AKA YOUR BOYFRIEND” “Hahaha” oh my god he thought my brother was my boyfriend he was getting really mad about me laughing also “That’s my brother ha” I said you should have seen his face it was so red ------>insert lunch sean blah blah blah --- > I went through the day alright I guess then I walked to my brothers car and got in he smiled at me and said “soooo logan stonewall” I looked at him with one eyebrow raised “what about him/” “I heard he drove you to school” “yeah …” “I heard he liked you also.” ‘Did he talk to you?” “No why ” I stared at him knowing hee lied and said “whatever “ We got home and I sat down I made a snack and it was 3”45 I sat down and watched t.v for a little bit and had some chttoes for a snack and did some of my homework and saw that it was 4::39 I was upstairs and I heard my brother open the door and said “you actually showed up” oh its probable one of his lame friends. It was 4:44 I wished that logan could forgive me then I heard a knock on the door I said “come ….in…?” who was it I saw logan walk in my eyes almost poped out of my head he had white roses that hadn’t blummed that much “hey Alicia lets go out” “I told you logan no.” “well im not leaveing until you say yes and these are for you” he handed me the roses and sat on my bed “logan im not going to say yes” “well then I might as well get comfy” he said laying down on my bed putting his hands behind his back he asked “now will you go out with me?” “no” “fine im going to start singing” “what?” “yup and im a really bad singer” “no please don’t” “oh baby baby How was I supposed to know That something wasn't right here Oh baby baby I shouldn't have let you go And now you're out of sight yeah Show me how you want it to be Tell me baby cause I need to know now oh because My loneliness is killing me I must confess I still believe When I'm not with you I lose my mind Give me a sign Hit me baby one more time Oh baby baby The reason I breathe is you Boy you got me blinded Oh pretty baby There's nothing that I wouldn't do It's not the way I planned it Show me how you want it to be Tell me baby cause I need to know now oh because My loneliness is killing me I must confess I still believe When I'm not with you I lose my mind Give me a sign Hit me baby one more time Oh baby baby how was I supposed to know Oh pretty baby I shouldn't have let you go I must confess that my loneliness is killing me now Don't you know I still believe That you will be here And give me a sign Hit me baby….” “fine fine god are you happy now I don’t have to like it and really Brittney spears!?” he smiled and said “yup” “your special” he smiled and said “not as special as you” I lifted my eyebrown and said “whatever you can leavenow “ “ok but remember we have a date on Friday and im picking you up for school tommrow” Before I could say no he walked away I smiled a little then my brother walked in my room sat next to me and said with a smirk on his face “so logan stonewall” “shut up” “You like logan you like logan na na na na na na” “suck a coconut” “You want to suck logans coconut” he said while smiling I smacked him in the arm “oh so you do haha cant wait till I tell him that” “I never said I did” “yeah but you never said you didn’t but you better not cause I will cut his coconut in half “ he said with a seriouse face and I just laughed we got pizza for dinner then I heard the door slam open “yo sup my hoes” “mollie what are you doing home so late?” ryan asked “I was doing stuff” “what kind of stuff” I asked “the kind of stuff that’s none of your business Alicia and you two ryan” “did it involve a boy” ryan and me asked in sync “how did you know and it also involved heaven stonewall” Me and ryan looked at each other “stonewall????” “yup” she said mollie had short black hair that went just a little bit above her sholder with red hilights actually it covered most of the top of her head and the bottom was all black she had her nose periced and was only 13 she was going to be 14 this year on the last day of September mine is the 14th if you cared but yeah she was rebelling she hung out with a bunch of boys from the ages 15-21 and a few girls but they rebelled also I guess its cause me and ryan don’t give her enough attention that she has to get it from other boys I mean she doesn’t do anything with them cause they told me she doesn’t she looked a lot like me but mabey just a little prettier she grabbed a piece of pizza and sat on the couch ryan said “no tattoos?” “noo” “no more percings?” “NO god will you just leave me alone!” “NO ITS YOUR FAULT THIS FAMILY IS FALLING APART!” “OH YEAH ITS MY FAULT CAUSE IM PRETTY SURE ITS MOM AND DADS” she said she started crying “mollie im sorry” ryan said hugging her “its just you have changed so much” “I know I will try and be good fro now on im sorry” she said sniffling “what happened?” I asked “Colton …he tried to do something with me and I said no and then he tried rapeing me “ she said the ryan got really angry and said “I told you they were bad news now were is that mother ..” “its fine really im fine!” “ok” he said colton was this guy that went to my school im pretty sure my brotherwas going to kill him when they got to school tommrow me and mollie went upstairs and sat in her room talking “mollie guess what!” “what?” “I have a date”she looked shocked “with who?whats his name?how old is he? Is he cute ?he is really real right?” I laughed “yes he is real his name is logan,he is 16,yeah he is really cute” “great wait logan what? “stonewall” “what the freaking frack that’s heavens brother” “yeah I kinda figured that already” “oh yeah he is really cute and her other brother is also haha” “justin?” “yep..you know him also” “yeah he is cool” “nice the reson I asked if he was real is cause of tami she said she had a boyfriend and he was fake…” “wow who does that?!” “tami hahaha” “true true” “soooo you like uhm justin..” “he is alright haha” “would you go on a double date” “RYAN SHE IS TRYING TO MAKE ME CRASH HER DATE!!!” “wow” “sure why not if he wants to I wouldn’t mind haha” “thank you so much” “Welcome…I know im the best sister you ever had!” “You’re the only one….” “I know that’s why I said it cuase you couldn’t deni it hehe” “ha ha “ I hugged her we both got ready for bed she went to be d and I did also I got ready in the morning and went to logans car and got in the front seat and saw Justin sitting in the back and my evil master pan was put in place… justin Alicia got in the car and was smiling at me kinda creepy I said “yes Alicia…” “Justin you know I love you” “what are you up to?” “yeah what are you up to?” said logan eyeing me suspiciously “you guys have a sister named heaven right?” “yeah” me and logan said at the same time “well I have a sister named mollie” I choked on my spit “what?!” I said kindda squeaky “yeah whats wrong with her?” “nothing …nothing at all…” I said smiling her sister was hot though. “so would you do me a favor..” “sureee…what is it” “go on a double date with me and her “. Logan said “wait on our date” “yep” “but it was going tobe just us…” “now its not” “so Justin what do you think of my sister” “she is hot I woiuld totally do her…” she looked at me with one eyebrow up “I mean take her on a respectable date” I said with shifty eyes “good” she said mollie I got on the bus and sat next to heaven she was like me her parents swwere never home “hey mol’s” “Hey hev…so whats up” “nothing hey you want to come over Saturday and stay over?” “yeah I have to ask ryan though..” “since when” “since last night when me and him got into a huge fight” “well ok you should stay over and we can laugh at my brother Justin stare at you like a idiot” “haha yeah that was funny last time” “I think he drooled” she said busting out laughing so all the other 8th graders were looking at us “hehe sorry” she said logan Friday came quick and I was in my room getting ready so was Justin it was alicias plan I guess so she wouldn’t be alone with me. I wore a baby blue button up shirt with nice black jeans. My hair was perfect like always and yeah I do have my ears percied its not gay im telling you people I wore my dimonds and smiled at myself “looking good logan” “ha ha whatever logan” my little sister said walking in my room she came up to me she was small she was only 5 ‘3 she had to stand on my bed to look straight at me “oh by the way logie my friend is comeing over tommrow…” “ok..” “yo man get down here we are going to be late!” Justin said “heaven-leigh be good please for once for me” “anything for you only if you give me 20 dollars” she said giving me a huge smile I grabbed my wallet and handed her a 20 and said no drugs “like I would do drugs that’s for food!” “ok…” I said eyein her suspiciously “have fun on your dates haha tell Justin not to drule over mollie again” “I DID NOT DRULE” Justin said screaming up the stairs “sure you didn’t Justin hehe” me and Justin got in the car he started grumbling “whats your problem” I asked “heaven said I druled,I DON’T DRULE!” “well I didn’t really pay attention to you drulling but she is staying over I think tommmrow…” “wha…” “yeahhhh ha ha” “that’s not funny” We were silent the rest the way which wasn’t that far like 6 minuts we got out and knocked on the door ryan answered eating a what looked like a bag of chips and said “what do you guys want?” “we are here for our date with mollie and uhrm Alicia” Justin said “oh that’s why they look like that” he said stuffing his face with food I walked in and ryan said “they are in the kitchen but I would be carful cause they are probably fighting” Me and Justin just looked at each other we walked in the kitchen “you’re the bitch” I heard a kinda familiar voice say who I would assume is mollie “yeah im not the one who takes crap why don’t you eat it also” I heard a slap in the face me and Justin walked in kinda hesitant and saw alicias face full of pie “oh you little brat” Alicia said jumping on mollie “wow ladys no need to fight over me” Justin said then at the same time mollie and Alicia turned and sae Justin and then then Alicia said “mollie don’t you think these boys need some pie” “Alicia I think that’s a great idea” they said grabbing a hand full of pie and throwing it at us “oh now your going to get it” Justin said I laughed out “oh well I think that we need to wash that pie down!” I grabbed the water hose and started the water and sprayed them we all laughed mollie screamed “MY HAIR hAHA OH WELL HAHA” she looked kinda like Alicia but she straightend her hair haha soon Alicia me and Justin and mollie were looking at each other “mabey we should just clean up and ha ha order pizza and sit in alicias room and watch a movie” “why my room why not yours” Alicia said “if you want mine is fine also” mollie said I stood there like a moron and said “hi” then looked around with shifty eyes mollie looked at me with one eye brow raised looking me up and down cheaking every freature of me and finnaly smiled and said “my sister was right..” “about” she just grinned and said “nothing hehe” then Justin was staring at mollie with drule coming out heaven was right I laughed and said “heaven was right Justin” he looked at me and looked down and saw slobber and blushed a little “heaven what about heaven she isn’t going to kill me right for going out with her brother..no I already talked to her about it …is that why she invited me over so she could cut me in half” mollie said looking around like a wild crazy animal panting “urm….no” Justin said She grabbed Justin by the sholders which wasn’t that hard cause he is only like 5’8 and she is like 5’5 and shook him and said “are your for sure I don’t want to die” she said grabbing onto him hugging him with his super soaked shirt a smile lit his face and Alicia just looked at them and said “Justin just remember what you said respectable date” he laughed and said “sureeeee….” She flipped his blonde hair out of his face and said “uhm me and my brother over here need sokme clothes we will be back I guess” this time mollies face lit up and said stay and ran away she was really curvey she had a really small waist she looked kinda like a modle (btw this is mollies real boyfriend writing this part haha I don’t want her to kick my ass but she really does look like that which is kinda weird lots of us guys have desided that so if you relize that there are parts were it sounds a lot like a guys writing cause its me she made me write for most the guys like logan I write completely for him and ryan which is my name btw >.>) we waited there for about 10 minuts when I heard a crash me Alicia and Justin ran to were the crash was it was mollie with a pile of clothes face forward in the couch she got up and said “gee thanks you all are soooo helpful why don’t I just give a little dance to show you how happy I am” she stood there looking at us I said “what are these” “what do they look like” mollie said looking at me like I was dumb “c..clothes?” “no dip Sherlock” mollie said while rolling her eyes (yes mollie is like that in real life but not as bad as she was in the beginning just reallllly sarcastic” “ok well lets take showers I guess and then meet in mollies room first door to the left and then you can take a shower in her room and I will take a shower in my moms and mollie will take one in ryans and you can take one in my room logan.” Ok we all went upstairs and Alicia pointed us out to were we were going and towls and stuff are under the sink… we all took showers and meet up in mollies room which was purple and black I sat on her fuzzy bed with some of ryans clothes I would assume mollie walked in the room with sweat pants and a tank top she sat next to me and said “hi “ “hey” “so what happened why were you guys yelling at each opther” “cause …well uhm she ..uhm kinda well…” “spit it out haha” “she stole my brush” I looked at her and just closed my eyes and blinked “Alicia” “yeah” she said looking at me “do…you want to know a secret” I said kinda slow. “I don’t know …” “do you or do you not..” “I do..” “my parents died and left me to take care of my brother and sister I haven’t had a real actual date in over …..ever…” “really” “yeah she hugged me “my parents left ryan in charge they don’t stay with us they live on there own on some rsort or something they don’t even care I think…” “im sorry..” “I have a question….” “yeah….” “hey I have a idea you aske me something then I ask you?” “sure…uhm have you ever kissed a guy” “haha what kind of question is that?!”I leaned over and kissed her on the lips wow they were really soft you know those sparks your soulposed to feel well I didn’t feel them it was like sitting on a warm beach just chilling( this is mollie my stupid boyfriend had to do something with some stupid girl >. alicia (i will add more later im just really tired and yeah sooo i will have more later sorry about that) Text: this book will not be permeated to be copy-ed in anyway meaning recorded videoed or anything other than reading it with your own eyes All rights reserved. Publication Date: May 11th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-molmed.0

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-s-heald-the-wrath-of-a-beaten-woman/

S. Heald The Wrath of a Beaten Woman The Wrath of a Beaten Woman ***** Chapter 1 Staring into the mirror I couldn’t help but cry. The reflection of my swollen face was a sad sight to stomach, even harder to look at in real time. My large green eyes had lost the glimmer they once had, and with a large gash on my right cheek bone I realized I had been defeated once again. When had I let it get this bad? Over the past few months he had gotten worse, apologizing every other time about how sorry he was and how he would never do it again. He was lying. I knew he was lying, but I wanted so desperately to believe his lie and not be afraid of him. There was so much good in him that I could see when he opened up to me. I remember four years ago when we met and it was one of the best days of my life. I remember the day, that I had thought was the happiest day of my life, like it was yesterday. My only brother, Ryan, was getting married to the woman of his dreams and even though I hated the bright green bridesmaid dress I smiled the whole time. Seeing someone you care about so happy just brings joy into your heart, and I knew that he was overfilled with undying love for his new bride. During the wedding I noticed a very handsome man smiling at me three rows back on the bride’s side of the church. His name was Eric Benjamin Lee. He was almost six feet tall with thick, dark brown hair. His teeth were so white they seemed to be glowing, and if I must say, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in person. I couldn’t keep from smiling back at him. During the reception he had walked over to the table I was sitting at and asked for a dance. It felt like I had just been asked to my first high school dance and I was overcome with joy. I felt so safe and lucky in his arms that night, dancing the night away under the stars and white lights they had used for décor. He smelled like the best of winter and a cool breeze during summer. I treasured everything about him, from the way his eyes seemed to pick up the moonlight and glisten under the stars, to the way his hands cradled my back like they would never let me fall. Yes, we had come a long way from that amazing night to where we are now. I found some anaesthetic in the bathroom cabinet and started applying some to my cheek. I have learned how to cover my bruises and cuts well, but I knew that this one would probably scar if I didn’t put something on it. I didn’t have to worry about covering up from my family anymore since I didn’t see them often. Eric and I had moved many hours away from my family back in Medford, Wisconsin to Alabama. Eric’s job was transferred to a plant here and at that time, he was amazing in my eyes and I would have followed him to the moon. I still managed to talk to my mom and dad once every other day, and my brother once a week, but I missed them so much. As I applied the cream to the cut it started to burn and I had to hold my breath for a moment. The pain of the cream wasn’t near as bad as the pain my heart was in. My whole body was screaming, but inside I was starting going numb. Chapter 2 I had so many painful memories, especially here recently. Some people may wonder why a woman stays in a relationship that causes her so much pain. And to be honest I cannot answer that for other women. Why have I stayed? Well I have stayed because I fear him and I fear what life will be like without his love. Eric was from a very wealthy family and also made good money in the engineering profession. He had threatened that if I left him he would ruin my name, leave me broke, and would make it his life goal to make my life hell while I walked this earth. I fear the day that I die with his hands around my throat, and I fear the day that I had to live without him as strange as that sounds. I hated him, but I also loved him so much; or did I? I confused my emotions lately between love and hate; I didn’t seem to be able to tell which emotion was stronger when I thought of him. Maybe I was the sick one. If I did escape and start over, who would love me? I was so screwed up emotionally and mentally at this point that I doubted I would ever love another man truly again. I doubted I would ever let another man in the way I had allowed Eric in. I decided to put on some makeup so that I didn’t feel so bad about having a new shiner. It hurt to rub in the creamy makeup but I pushed through it until my black eye looked light brown. The last time he had gone off on me still played through my mind. We had been watching television when my cell phone rang. I picked it up to see that it was an unavailable number. Eric grabbed the phone out of my hand and answered it. Whoever was on the other line hung up abruptly. Eric had sworn that it was someone I was seeing behind his back, even though I pleaded with him that he was the only man I wanted or was interested in. He stood and hovered over me and faster than I could blink he had back handed me. The pressure of his hand was so severe that it knocked me onto the floor. I don’t know if I was crying out of fear or pain, but my tears just fuelled him. He then picked me up with his hand around my throat muttering about how he would teach me to go behind his back or something to that effect. I remember my hands grabbing at his trying to loosen up his grip because it was getting harder for me to breathe. He took me to the bedroom, still with his hand around my neck, and with his other hand he thrashed away at my night gown until he had managed to remove it and then snatched down my panties. I started to sob harder because I knew exactly what he was doing. He pulled down his boxer briefs and forced himself inside of me. I begged him to stop as he tore into me. He released his hand from my neck and then turns me over so that my face was down in the comforter. He continued until he reached his climax and fell on top of my lifeless body. He didn’t say much to me, only whispered in my ear that he loved me and that was the only reason he was jealous like this. I didn’t speak to him the rest of that night. That was the night that my heart turned cold and started to hate him. That was a bad night, but tonight, I could deal with. Eric was getting ready to leave to go out with his friends as I finished touching up my makeup. “You look awful Maria, I think you should stay in and get some rest. I will be home later, don’t wait up.” I heard him calling before the door to our small ranch style home slammed shut. I was relieved that he was going to be gone for a while. A bath sounded so inviting as I undressed and turned the hot water on. As I climbed into the tub I couldn’t help but notice the bruises on my legs and arms. Now that I was naked, everything that was impure seemed to stand out. I noticed on the upper part of my arm had four perfect dots in a row. It was Eric’s finger indentions. The sex with Eric use to be so passionate and loving but now it was rough and emotionless. How could I still have love for him? How could I not want him dead? I couldn’t figure out why, maybe it was because I was holding on to the good inside of him still. He had been the only man I had shared my whole being with and I felt trapped and held back just thinking of life without him. Chapter 3 I was twenty eight now, with no children. Most of my friends my age had at least one kid and were working on the second if they didn’t already have two. I thought about going to the doctor to find out if everything was fine since Eric and I hadn’t used protection for a year now and yet no babies. I wanted a child but I also knew that in our present state, that was the last thing we needed. If I were to get pregnant Eric would use the baby against me and if I ever had the courage to leave him then he would try to get custody. I knew that he was not fit to be a father in his current condition. The truth was, I loved him so much that I thought in my head he would change if we brought a child into the world. I mean he didn’t use to be this way, who is to say he couldn’t go back to how he use to be and love me unconditionally and never want to hurt me again. As I fluffed up some of the bubbles around me in the tub, I couldn’t help but remember the romantic night we had when we finally moved into this house. It was memories like these that made me continue to love him even through the hard times. I came home from shopping for some things for the house and as soon as I walked in I started smiling. He had Marvin Gaye playing in the background and candles lit all around the house. There was a trail of rose petals leading to the bathroom where he was drawing up a bath for me. He looked irresistible with no shirt on and his one tattoo wrapping around his shoulders. His hair was a beautiful mess, and when he smiled at me I just melted. He was the most amazing man in the world in my eyes. Something about him made me love myself more. The vision of that day started to fade in my head as I snapped back to reality. Leaning my head back on the edge of the claw foot tub, I closed my eyes again and started to cry uncontrollably. Chapter 4 It had been about a week since my breakdown in the bathtub and Eric seemed to be in a much better mood this week. We decided to plan a date night and go to one of my favourite restaurants in town. I was excited and rummaged through my closet for something nice to wear. I found a yellow sun dress and matched some dainty white sandals to complete the look. I straitened my long blonde hair and applied a little makeup. My cheek was looking a lot better and with makeup it wasn’t very visible. Eric walked up behind me and kissed down my neck and shoulders. “I love you so much Maria,” he said to me in a loving soft tone. It was times like these when Eric was so amazing that he made all the bad go away. One happy moment like this could erase away all the bad ones before. I don’t know if it’s like that with everyone, but he had that power over me. Once we arrived at the restaurant, Eric ordered a bottle of wine and romanced me all night. The restaurant we were at had a nice Italian feel and a small house band playing in the background. Eric convinced me to get up and dance with him in the magic of the moment. While we dance he got on one knee with a ring in his hand and asked me to marry him. I was the happiest woman alive, well at least I seemed to be at the time. I said yes before I even thought about it and we slow dance and laughed for two strait songs. It had been four years of dating, and I had waited for this day to come. I knew that once we were married he would respect me. In my head being his wife would make things so much different. He then paid the bill and we headed home. Once we made it to the house and walked up the front steps Eric said to me, “Take your dress off, I want to have you right here on the porch under the moonlight.”I thought that he must have had a little too much wine and I refused and tried to get him to go inside. I would consider myself reserved but Eric was different; he was demanding and always wanted to try new things sexually. “Sweetie, we have neighbors, and I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Let’s just go inside and enjoy the rest of the evening, “I said to him as loving as I possibly could. “I think you should just what you’re told to do. I give you a ring and ask you to marry me and you can’t even do one thing for me?” When he said it like that, it made me second guess myself. He was right; I needed to be more spontaneous with him. I must have been lost in thought because he pushed me towards the door giving into my request against his own wishes. Once we were inside behind the closed front door he backhanded me pushing me into the wall. "When I tell you to do something, I expect you to obey. You are my fiancé now and you will respect me!" He yelled. I was speechless. I thought the night was going so well and I didn’t understand what I had done to upset him so much. He then whispered in my ear, "Take your dress off now." I gave into his game and slipped out of the sundress slowly. I just stared back into his empty eyes waiting on his next move. I knew the way he treated me was wrong, but some dark place inside of me needed his touch and needed to be owned the way only he could do. Yes I was defiantly sick in so many ways. Eric walked around me in a circle like an animal stalking its prey. His voice called to me in a stern hard tone, "Get on your knees." I hesitated for a moment but did as he said. I was intoxicated by his glaring and wanted to know what he would do next. Moments like these made me think that if I were to leave him, I would never find another man that would please me in this manner. He had made every fantasy I could ever imagine come to life and that was just another reason I needed him so. I could hear him fidgeting with his zipper and then his pants and belt hit the floor. His hands were cold as he picked up my hips and brought my body close to his wrapping my legs around his waist. He then had his way with me like he had so many other times. I panted and moaned with him knowing that he enjoyed the game even more than I did. Once he climaxed, he left me to my thoughts as he went to shower. As I sat up and leaned against the wall, I looked down at the ring he had given me only an hour or two before. It was beautiful. Vintage, with a nice size diamond and it had engraving on the inside that read, Always in my Heart. How could he do such sweet things and then be so evil at other times. The million dollar question had played through my mind so many times. Chapter 5 The next few days seemed to be better. I thought that everything was actually close to perfect. That was until Eric started staying at work longer and working more often than before. He would always have a couple nights a week he went out with his friends, but I never minded much because he was home the other nights. Now that he was working more, it seemed like between work and his friends we were rarely together. It was a Friday night and I had dinner ready waiting on Eric to get home from work. By the time that he got home dinner was cold and it was way past dark. I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath and his steps weren’t as sober as he would have liked. I was fuming. "How can you go out drinking after work knowing that I am sitting here waiting on you for dinner? You should have called!" I yelled at him. He wasn’t use to me raising my voice to him and obviously wasn’t happy about it. He came charging across the counter towards me. I stumbled out of his way just out of reach when he came at me again shoving me into the wall. "Don’t you ever speak to me like that you ungrateful bitch!" He spat in my face. I held my hand up trying to block his fist as he tried to hit me. He wanted a fight and now he had one. He knocked me off of my feet and drug me to the bedroom. I was kicking and fighting him the whole time but it was no use. He was a giant compared to me and much stronger. I could tell my lip was busted from the metallic taste that seeped around my mouth as he snatched me up and bend me over the bed pinning his weight on top of me. In no time he had my shorts pulled down and his pants pooled around his feet as his massive erection invaded me without permission. I tried to get him off by clawing at his hands that pinned mine behind my back but he never stopped. He didn’t stop until his seed was dripping from me onto the bed that we had made love in so many times. My cheeks were stained with tears of anger as I felt overcome with shame and defeat. We didn’t speak after that for several days. He would go about his way and I would do the same. I was hurt and wanted an apology of some sort; although I knew it wouldn’t be enough. I can’t tell you how many times I had packed that bag to leave but before I could get it zipped I would start to unpack it again. Why did I let him do this to me and why had I allowed him to own me like this. I was scared of life without him, even though I knew it would be so much better. A few days later I scheduled an appointment with my gynaecologist to make sure everything was up to date and to also to talk to the doctor about my fertility. I didn’t tell Eric about my appointment for reasons I wasn’t sure of. The last thing I needed was for him to want to bring a child into the picture right now. While taking a shower I let the hot water flow over my body. I watched as soap suds collected around the drain and I was once again lost in thought. My mind was telling me that I needed to get out, but my heart was very unwilling to listen. As my mind was racing I decided to shave my legs and pamper myself for a moment. I ran the razor up my leg as I examined a new bruise from the previous night’s encounter. I was starting to hate myself for allowing him to win. Thinking back I remember the cold day he left to go on a business trip for two days and I had tried to overdose on pain pills to be set free from the hurt and disaster my life had become. I guess not even drugs would set me free though, because I went to sleep that night expecting never to wake up, but like clockwork my blaring alarm woke me the next morning. Now instead of hurting myself, I caught myself thinking of poising him, or running away in the night, away from him and the life we had made together, but I knew that was unlikely because his love would overpower any thought I had of escape. I know I sounded pitiful but he had me right where he wanted me and I had let him win. Chapter 6 On the day of my appointment I got up and got ready, looking forward to getting out and about. It was a beautiful day outside with no clouds in sight. There was a slight breeze and the trees were caressed by it as I hopped in my car. After having my exam at the doctor’s office, I awaited results. The doctor walked in with a frown on his face. He took one look at my face and then looked away. He pulled out a pamphlet from my chart and handed it to me. The front of it read, 'How to handle life with Hepatitis'.” A sickness started growing in my stomach. The realization of what was happening seemed to have punched me in the stomach harder than Eric ever had. What was the doctor saying? Eric had been my first and only partner in bed so I knew that if I had acquired an STD that it would be from him. Had he been cheating on me? Or did he know of this before we were together and never told me? Seeming to read my mind the doctor stopped talking and got my attention, “Ms Sinclair, if you need to talk to someone, I know a great counsellor who has dealt with similar cases. I will give you her card.” I still didn’t respond to his statements. All I could do was tear up and stare into thin air. He called after a nurse to come in and talk with me and answer any questions I had. She was looking at me like I was a diseased dog or a leper. I was ashamed and hurt. My stomach was screaming and all I wanted to do was get in my car and drive. Driving home I debated to call Eric and tell him the news. I was wanted to kill him because so many signs had pointed to him cheating on me but I never would let myself believe it. Now I knew he had cheated. Not only had he cheated, but with some diseased whore. The last appointment I had was a completely fine check up and no sign of any abnormalities, so knew that his affair had been within the last six months. I would confront him about this but I didn’t know how or when. I had never tried to actually leave him before but this was my breaking point. Before now it had all just been thoughts in my head that I would never let surface. What would he do? Would he fight me? Try to stop me? What would I do to him? In my present state I would likely kill him myself. I was angry; angrier than I had ever been before. I had learned that I had Hepatitis and that I would more than likely never be able to have children. I would have to always take medicine for my new found disease and it was his entire fault. After I made it safely inside our home I couldn’t help but look around at the pictures on the walls and the memories we had made together over the years. All lies. I felt bile in the back of my throat as I realized what I had let this man do to me. I had let him defeat me and push me into a dark and disgusting corner. He had stripped me of everything I had ever stood for and he didn’t care. All these years I had never I would have revenge on him. I would not let him win this time. Not again. Chapter 7 It had been several days since my appointment and I had yet to tell him the news that one of his sluts had given him Hepatitis. Over the last couple days every ounce of love that I had for him had transformed to hate. I had a beautiful dinner laid out on our dining room table with candles burning. I made sure to wear sexy black lace lingerie under my clothing and have a bottle of wine on the table waiting for my bastard fiancé to come home. He never called anymore to say if he would be late or not so I wasn’t sure if he would be with one of his whores tonight or not before coming home to me. I didn’t care at this point. It seemed like my love for him had been replaced with this vengeful emotion that burned my insides and needed release. That emotion had fuelled the night I had so carefully planned for him. I waited by the front door of our home for what seemed like an eternity before I finally saw his headlights pulling into the driveway. It was show time. As Eric walked into the house with his formal business suit on I could smell the bourbon on his breath all the way across the room. I put on a fake smile and called to him in a chipper voice, "There’s my sweet fiancé. I made you supper and I even have some desert for you if you are a good boy." He looked at me a little suspicious but gave in. He walked to the table to see his plate already made with one of his favorite dishes waiting on him. He pushed the plate away and dug a dagger in me saying, "It’s good to see that you are capable of having a civilized dinner waiting on me since you’re not good for much else." That son of a bitch. I tried not to pry the fork from his hand and stab him with it as he started to eat. I watched as he finished his food without saying thank you or complimenting me at all. That was fine, he would have plenty of time to think about how to make it up to me soon enough. After dinner Eric went to shower and I looked through his discarded clothes after he had closed the shower door. I noticed in his boxers he had cum stains, probably from some slut that he was seeing behind my back. I wondered if it was the same one who gave him hepatitis. I didn’t know and didn’t care. I lay across the bed in nothing but my lingerie and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. His eyes sparkled as he opened the door to see my body waiting on him. He walked towards me and asked, "Wow, what’s got you in such a willing mood tonight?" I give him a dirty little smile and pull out some handcuffs and dangle them over my head and respond with, "I was thinking you could let me satisfy you in every way possible tonight. I know I haven’t been as good to you as I should be, so let me make it up to you." I don’t know when I became a master at lying but he believed every drop of poison coming out of my mouth and lay on the bed in position as I handcuffed his hands and feet to the bed frame. I was glad he had enjoyed some bourbon before coming home because had he been in his right mind, he wouldn’t have let me handcuff him so willingly. Eric was a control freak and would never have let me dominate him in sobriety. It was time to enjoy myself for a change. He watched me with a huge grin on his face as I climbed off of the bed and grabbed one of the burning candles off of the dresser. I walked back over to him holding the candle above his chest. His grin demolished as he begged, "No! I don’t like wax Maria, you know that!" I just smiled as I started pouring the wax from one nipple to the other. He screamed like a little bitch. He was trying to get loose but I knew that he would have no luck. It was time for me to say all the things I had wanted to say over the past four years. "How many are there Eric? Over the years, how many girls have you screwed behind my back?" He was pleading with his eyes and trying to deny my accusations but I continued to speak ignoring his pleading, "All this time I sat here taking your beatings, cooking your supper, cleaning your house, tending to your dirty dick, and the whole time you have used me and cheated on me. Well it finally caught up to you." I poured the remaining hot wax on his genitals as he screamed again. I walked over to his clothes and snatched a belt out of the pants he had previously worn. He started to panic, "Maria what are you doing!? Calm down! I never cheated on you, I promise baby. I would never do that!" I knew he was lying, and I was done with the lies. I said to him, "I am going to ask you one more time and if you lie to me then I am going to beat you with this belt until you tell me the truth." He just stared at me as I asked again, "How many women have you slept with since we have been together?" He was slow to respond but continued with his original story, "I haven’t cheated on you Maria, I promise." I didn’t hesitate as popped the belt across his stomach leaving an instant red mark as he screamed at the top of his lungs. Before giving him a chance to say another word I slapped him again across his upper thighs. I couldn’t help but laugh at his yelps of pain. All I could think of was all the times that he broke me and how screwed up I would be for the rest of my life because of him. He deserved this. He deserved this pain and so much more. "I am going to ask you again, how many others were there?" He thought carefully before he spoke this time, "Only one, but I ended it a while back." Lies, lies, and more lies. I slapped him with the belt again over and over hitting his legs, stomach, genitals and chest until he was screaming, "OK I WILL TELL YOU!!" I stopped for a moment to hear him out. "There were 3 different women. I am still seeing one of them. I saw her tonight before I came home. Maria I am so sorry and it will never happen again." Strangely enough, I believed that he was telling the truth about the number of women he had cheated with. I stared into his eyes as the desperation filled the room. I saw in his eyes that he realized he no longer owned me. This time, he had lost and he knew it. I dropped the belt and slapped him in the face with my bare hand and said all to calmly, "I hope you rot with your whores. And by the way, one of them gave you hepatitis. I know this because you gave it to me. You gave hepatitis to the woman who loved you and was always faithful and forgiving to you.” I bowed my head for a moment before continuing. “Now that woman is going to walk out that door with her things and she is never coming back. You on the other hand, are going to lay here until I decide to call the fire department to come get you. By then you will be in a pile of your own bowel since your food was full of laxatives.” His expression was to kill for. I then proceeded to take his cell phone and take a picture of him on our bed in the nude and send it to every contact in his phone including his business contacts. I couldn’t help but smile. I turned and dressed very slowly in front of him. I didn’t bother to look back as I walked out of our bedroom, down the hall, and out the front door. Since I had already packed all of my things into my car and emptied all of the money out of our accounts I had no need to waste any time before hitting the road. The crystal clear sky was pleasant as the stars shined down on my car’s hood. I looked one last time at my old life before putting the car in drive and driving into my future, far away from Eric Lee and his lies. END Thank you for taking the time to read my book. Please take a moment to leave a comment at the site from which you downloaded. All feedback is appreciated! Text: Copyright 2013 by Stacie Heald All rights reserved. Publication Date: February 6th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-staciemd87

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-adande-bienaime-love-drama-lies-and-allybies/

adande bienaime Love,Drama ,Lies,and allybies the drama....begins to:my friends First Day "Serena Lane you get up this instance your late for school, you never one to be late on the first day!" my mother said yelling at me. "fine" i said "okay,okay i'm up dang". i walked all the way downstairs from my upstairs bedroom to go take a shower. we just moved from Chicago to California.When i finished up taking a shower i went to change and came back down to eat."how are you sweetie".my mom said. this coming from the one who yelled at me to get my ass down stairs."oh just fine". i mumbled unhappily."i know how your feeling and i know you miss your school bu-". Ring! my mother never got to finish that sentence, phew saved by the telephone.I took one more look at the mirror before i went outside to walk to my new school. As the sun beat down at my hazel eyes.i had beautiful black wavy hair and hazel grey eyes. My best friends at my older school say i'm so beautiful with everything.They even say i have a nice body.i chuckled to myself at my memories. I casually walked in the big building. Everyone starring at me . ugh. i walked into the principal's office to get my schedule."oh hello there Miss.Serena Lane , and welcome to South Eastern HIGH". he said in his jolly tone "i'm Mr. Karol and here is your schedule for the whole school year...your teacher is Ms-"he began."Um ill be on my way".i interrupted him and left. i'm guessing he wasn't mad because he knows the situation with my family. I went to my locker and put my English stuff away and went to Science Class. All eyes and ears As i walked into the class room everyone once again was starring at me like i was some kind of model i mean who can blame the curvy body and a rack . i went in and took my seat behind a cute dude. "okay now settle down class ... as you can see we have a new student today and her name is Serena Lane". she continued "now Serena can you in introduce yourself in front of class please. i nodded in reply. "uh..um.. well as you can see you all know my name and i'm from Chicago i moved to California and i'm African ,Haitian American and my eyes are a little diff-". i got cut off by a chick."um to much information".the whole class laughed.my cheeks were burning i decided to stand up for myself "says the girl who is probably a self absorbed prick". ooh, the whole class went and i took a seat. she kept giving me glares.i just rolled my eyes at her.The lunch bell rang. i walked outta class just like that.I went in to the cafeteria ,got my lunch and couldn't decide where to sit. Well the girl who was mean was out of the question. "hey, you can sit with us". said a boy i didn't know.he was so adorable my gosh."uh sure". i went to go sit next to him. "by the way i'm Gregory,". he said smiling "and these are my friends Erin,Steve,Micheal,and Hannah". "hey!".they all said in usion. We all started laughing. Lunch period was over. As i was walking to my locker someone was waiting there."hey ,...Serena right".he said while smiling he was blonde blue eyes and had one dimple on his right cheek."yup".i replied."um.. well Serena i hear your new and my names Jason."he introduced himself."Me and my friends want to ask you to come to my party if that's cool with you". "i'll ask my mom ,but for now yes". he handed me a party invitation and winked at me.despite my dark complexion i was blushing. Now it was time to leave school.I had the most incredible day there except the part in the morning. I walked into my house and it was kind of strange because my mom wasn't home. then i remembered she now has a job and so does my dad. I went upstairs to my bedroom and was doing my homework when i heard a knock. i ran down."who is it".i yelled. "its me Erin.. from lunch". she said casually. "oh".i replied. "so i saw you talking to Jason and he invited you to the party".she said happily."um yeah." i smiled as i said this."i was wondering since we both got invited do you wanna go to the mall and choose outfits." she asked."yeah of course".i said excitedly. i went upstairs grabbed my coat and went into her mothers car. "so where we going". i asked happily. "were going to La Boutique'".she replied answering my question. We both ran into the store and were trying on really nice short dresses. i chose a blue sleeveless dress and Erin chose a black half strapped dress. we kept on screaming on how good we looked in them. we quickly paid and left the shop. "you hungry Serena".she asked wearily. "Hell yeah". i shrieked . we went to McDonald and i ordered a double cheese burger and Erin ordered only chicken nuggets and fries. when we got out the drive through we ate hungrily. After awhile we just talked about the gossip shes been hearing ,but of course how would i know.Then she dropped me off and i thanked her. I made my first new best friend. i thought to myself Party Time The whole week me and Erin were anxious to go.Then Saturday came , it was party time. My mother said yes , so i had permission to go. "so what are you gonna where".she asked anxiously. i explained to her and she was nodding her head with approval."that's nice". it was 8:30. hell yeah PARTY TIME. I sent a text to Erin. it said ( R U STILL COMING ). BEEP! i looked at the text. it said (NO I'M SICK JASON SAID HE'LL DRIVE YOU). I was sad ,but then got happy when Jason was gonna pick me up. Honk! HONK! I looked out the window and Jason was there in a nice tuxedo. i kissed my mom goodbye."have fun sweetie!". she yelled out the window. how embarrassing i thought to myself as i climbed in the front. He pulled out the drive way. "you look nice". he said checking me out. i blushed."um.. Thanks you do to. When we arrived at the party we could already hear the music blaring into our ears. he got out the drivers seat and opened the door for me . such a gentleman.i walked in and once again eyes was on me. Maybe its cause i have a curvy body and a huge rack and rear.i walked in and started dancing. instantly all the guys danced to.i took a break.Jason was starring at me. HE'S STARRING AT ME!!.okay just act normal. he walked toward me. "do you wanna drink". he asked me hopefully. "sure".i replied. he came back with a coke. "thanks". i said excitedly."no prob".The song changed into a slow song. i was swaying with the music. "Serena" Jason said nervously. "yeah" i turned to him with my grey hazel eyes to show that i was listening. Gosh she's beautiful.Jason thought. "do you wanna dance". i simply just nodded.i stood up with him. he put his hand on my waist and one on my rear. it felt good...no it was great.i put my arms around his neck and put my head on his shoulder.we swayed there with everyone watching. Then at 12:04 the party was over. when drove me home and stopped at my house i got out and said thank you. i went upstairs after i said hi to my mom. i was daydreaming then went out like a light. Gossip Girl was her name When i walked in Science all i could do was daydream when that mean chick was talking behind my back. turned and glared at her. "um if you have something to say, say it to my face". i said daring her. "okay then , i will". she said "i saw you dance with Jason and you are so outta his league so don't even try okay."i had it with her "you know what your just jealous because he didn't dance with you and he was staring at me ". The bell rung and i added to it ."And FYI at least i don't have to watch what i eat". i swear if it was humanly possible i think smoke would've come out her ears.I just sashayed out of the room. The whole day went great though. when i went home my mother was sitting there at the table crying. "Mom whats wrong?" i asked her worriedly.she looked up and she could barely get the words out "y-your dad w-was on a plane and it Cras-". she started sobbing before she got the word out. i was bawling like crazy with her. we both weren't even hungry so we cried ourselves to sleep. The Funeral the next day i didn't even go to school so my mom just called and told the principal the sad news. he to was upset. the funeral was on October 3,2013.i sang in my fathers funeral. when we all went to the coffin my mother fell on his body sobbing "Why Martin don't leave us ". she sobbed. four people had to take her away. then we all went home. i was still wearing my black dress that i wore to the funeral that day. i had no light in my room and i was really depressed. Erin comforted me with nice words then left. I was looking at our old photos when my mom came in. "you really miss him don't you Serena". she asked. i simply nodded with tears streaming down my brown cheeks."Remember when he said funny made up words when you were sad". she said and manged to crack a smile. "yeah..mama". i said "yes dear". "do you think god would want us to stay strong when things didn't go right". "of course have faith". she whispered then walked out of my room. We ate dinner in silence we pretty much did anything in silence . I went to get smoothies. i sat at the table with red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. drank my smoothie. -flash back- "hey daddy, don't you love Chicago" i said with a high pitch voice. "yes ,but i love you more than anything in the world honey bun". he said. we were sitting under the night sky with stars above our heads we were looking at the great dipper and he told stories about the stars. -back to reality- a tear slid off my cheek. i walked back home in silence. i walked upstairs and began to pray. "dear lord please tell my father said hello and i promise to follow you and Jesus in my life time.... Amen". i said and went to bed. i woke up.a noise woke me up. Clink! i turn to the window and i see that Jason is there he smiles and throws a letter in my window (don't open till Sunday P.S: I'M SORRY BOUT YOUR DADDY MINES DIED TO GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MAY THE LORD BE WITH YOU BY:JASON HEFTILY the next day was Sunday i stared at the evolpe Text: adande bienaime Images: vava voom Editing: my friend Cheyenne Flores Translation: vathsana marquez All rights reserved. Publication Date: February 16th 2013 https://www.bookrix.com/-adorckable

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-daniella-bofi-emily-039-s-pregnancy/

daniella bofi EMILY'S PREGNANCY Emily's life i dedicate this book to all the teen moms in the world one hope you have a great life Chapter one my pregnancy was starting to show and I had to go to school I went downstairs to get breakfast and wait for jack.mom left money for me on the kitchen counter it was nine o'clock and jack was still not here i got in my ford f-150 car and drove to school 30 minutes early were i can found zoey my best friend. i started to get out of my car when zoey came up to me and said how many monthes am i pregnant i said today i was going to find out and see if it was a girl or boy.when i pushed the door of brook stone high school people were staring out me and asking me questions about if me and jack were still together. the bell ringed it was first period when it was lunch i found jack with other girl zoey found my face red i walked up to jack and slapped him how could you i said i run out of the school and started crying. i got in my car and drove to the hospital for my appointment i parked and send a text to my mom to bring food when she came home i went to the hospital were i signed some papers a few minutes later the doctor called my name she told to lay down on the table and showed my half my belly the doctor said i was have twins and they were girls and i was eight monthes pregnant that means that i had to get the cribs and feeding bottles and all that baby stuff i called jack and he anwser i said that we were having twins jack said sorry but he wasn't cheating on me it was his cousin later on jack came to my house and we went shopping for baby clothes and cribs when we came home me and jack took the cribs and went upstairs with them mom went to my car and bought the baby stuff inside after she went to work.it was me and jack we started working on the cribs. we were finally done i went upstairs put on my pj and lay in bed. jack came on the bed he was sleeping over i push so he can have room. Chapter two today i was nine monthes pregnant five more weeks untill my babies were here in my mind i was like this was happening so fast i was about to be a mom and jack was about to be a dad me and my mom were going to pick up my dad from the airport.we got in my car and head off to the airport when we reached there i saw my dad i ran to him and give him a big hug but when he saw my belly it didn't look like he was happy so i said when we reach home i would tell him what happen i called jack that my dad was here and we had to set up the babies room right when we come home  five mintues later jack come we went inside and i explain on how me and jack did it. first my dad look mad but later he said he was happy that nothing happen to me i asked my dad if he can help paintthe nursey room he went right to it while my dad was painting i went to my room put on sweatpants and sweatshrit i went back downstairs we ad dinner when jack asked if he could stay here over the night he went back to his house to get his pj and school clothes.when jacked was gone i started picking out what i was going to wear for tomorrow jack come took a shower and went to bed i was putting my hair into a messy bun when i was done i went right to sleep. i couldn't sleep i ketp on turning and turning by three am i started to fall sleep at eight i woke up and get in the shower by eight thirty i was done i woke up jack so he could get dressed up i went downstairs to see if my mom or dad was done with the nursey i saw pink butterflies everywhere and i thought about what my babies were going to wear it was nine thirty i was late for school i said good bye to my mom and dad and went right to my car. i tryed to find a place i could park.i saw zoey and told her that i waas havng twins and they were girls it was second period when i started to have my morning sickness i went to the bathroom quickly and start throwing up after i was done i went to the office if they could let me take a day off . Chapter three zoey and i were at the store shopping for my twins when i went home i got in the shower and put on sweatpant with sweatshirt after i was done put on my clothes i went downstairs to make a sandwick after done eating i went to get my laptop and video chat with one of my friends i started to sleepwhen i it was one fiveteen pm when i woke up i went down to the nursey and started packing i got a call from jack saying that he had to got to boston to visit his grandparents i started packing my bag for the hospital and i had to call the school to have nine weeks off my mom came and helped me set up the other when my dad came i thanked him for painting the nursey this week had been stressful and i had to get some rest of tomorrow. saturday is finally here i got in the shower and put on jeans and a yolo shirt i went to my car were jack told me to meet him the airport when i came to the airport jack ran to me and started rubbing his hand around my belly three more weeks until i see my babies me and jack went to my house to see want name would be prefect for our girl i had the prefect name roxanna and mackenzie jack loved it i went upstairs to take off my makeup i turn on the shower and waited a few mintues until i got in when i was done taking a shower i went right to sleep because three more week until i give birth. when i woke up it was 3:00 am i was starting to have really bad pains in my body but all i know was that tomorrow i had to go to birth class i took a shower and got dress i went downstairs were i had some breakfast and went to the living room to watch tv i flip the channel back and forth to see what was up next i found jack packing my hospital bag went to my car to get some of the clothes i brought for my twins when i went to school people asked me when am i going to have the baby or will i bring the baby to school i just ketp on walking and hugging jack's hand. Chapter four b my belly was starting to get big today i had a appointment with the doctor when i got into my car zoey came to my house to go with me when we reached the doctor's office he check my bell and said that my twins were find. i called my boyfriend to says that our babies or was it baby i throught in my mind while the phone was ringing i went to the car seat in the passager seat while zoey was driving me we stopped to get some food at mcdonalds while zoey was ordering.i called my mom to tell her that just about three more days until i was going into labor when i came ome i went to the living room turn on the tv and start eating my fries and burger my dad came home and gave me a kiss on the head he ask me why jack has not call me to check i told him because he went to get a job my dad said i had to go to brith classes to know how it feels first i throught it was way too much but i throught about it and i said i don't really want to go so i went upstairs and got in my sweat's and went downstairs to get my phone i texted jack if he could come over to sleepover he said yes when jack came over he got his pj's and went right to sleep i wanted to talk to him about something i throught why not wait until tomorrow i got in bed with jack he was already sleeping the next day i got up early to look through my hospital bag to get some clothes for the babies two more days until i get to hold them in my hand jack and i went on a date for the last time until we are parents. after eating dinner we went to the picnic palce and had some fruits we went right home and found my mom and dad  Chapter five knlv.hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Publication Date: March 22nd 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-kt63029556a8235

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-brea-isomee-a-hot-mess/

brea isomee A hot mess chapter 1 - Adriyel I heard the gun shots from a couple doors down so i didn't move from my spot on the floor . They rang out : one , pause , another one . I wouldn't say i was scared though . i've had more guns pointed at me and have seen more guns fired than a fifteen year old should . But it's apart of life . Well , at least it's apart of my life . " What you doin' in there girl ! " my mother banged on my bedroom door and shouted . I was searching underneath my bed for my diary . But it wasn't there . That's where i had always left it so my mother couldn't get her grimy hands on it . If she saw half the shit i'd written in there it would probably be curtains for my ass . " Open up i say , unless you want this damn door knocked down , " now that was my grandmother . Grandma may didn't play either . She was twice as bitter and heartless as her daughter , my mother . she'd knock me upside my head in less than a heartbeat if i even walked wrong . Ain't that some shit ? ! They had something against me . My mama and her mama , they just didn't like me and i really couldn't figure that shit out ! I went to school everyday , came home every evening , cleaned up after that , cooked dinner every night , and if i had time i'd do my home work and get ready for school the next day . That shit wasn't cool , at all ! But i didn't have a choice so i kept my mouth closed and did what they said . But damn was that shit getting tiring . I stood up , walked over to my door , unlocked it and it swung open . " Who do you think you are little girl , " my mother rushed in followed my my grandmother " You are not grown . You get no privacy in my damn house unless i say so . " And then it was my grandmother's turn " Bet not be no lil' boys in here ! I know that much . Unless you want a ass whoopin' . yo lil' fast tail runnin' around in short skirts and too little shorts . I'm your grandmother remember that . I run shit . Not you or ya mama . As long as i'm alive i got this . " I just listened . My anger was rising by the minute but i some how kept my cool . Maybe knowing that if i went off they would both beat my ass at the same time with nobody to protect me . I could feel sweat forming in my palms , Heat rising in my body , ringing in my ears . I imagines just for a moment that i killed them both but , that could never turn out good . I thought of different plans , different ideas but they all had the same ending : me doing 25 to life . I laughed at that thought , my pretty ass wouldn't last 2 days in jail . "Oh you think it's funny ! ? , " my mother took off her shoe and swung it , it landed directly on the left side of my neck " ain't shit funny ! " The left side of my neck stung like you wouldn't believe . But she didn't stop . She swung it 3 more times , all landing blows to my head . I shook my head a little , the shit was hurting , bad . " You gon' punish me for your miserable childhood ? oh now , that's just crazy ." They looked at each other and walked out the room . My grandmother returned a few seconds later wit my red notebook that i called my diary in her hand . She threw it toward me and i caught it " You called me a evil bitch in there . You called me the devil himself . you gon' pay . believe you gon' pay . " The rest of the night was quiet . I took a shower and laid out my outfit for school the next day . I put out my journal late at night and began to flip thru it . That's when i realized every page had shit written on it like " you never gon' be shit " or " little bitch " . I flipped to a clean page and proceeded to write : dear diary , i'm fine , i guess . I'm alive at least . Do yo believe it ? they're mad at me for telling it like it really is ! what the fuck kind of stuff is that ? anyways , i keep thinking about the gun shots i heard earlier . I wonder who the target was and who really got shot because around here the original target is never the one who gets shot . . . I drifted off to sleep . chapter 2 - blue "Come on baby please . " After the police arrived and took away Lady's and Neo's bodies i was feeling horrible . Keshia was in the living room crying . I didn't tell her Neo caught me fuckin' lady and that's why he killed her and himself , i just kept my mouth shut and comforted her . I kissed her cheek " baby , you gotta stop crying for me , it's not healthy for the baby . please . " She sobbed " i cant ! Neo was like my own brother , now Lady i didn't care for her skanky ass . But , i loved Neo . You know that . I treated your brother like he was my own . He was our baby's god father damnit ! " I held her in my arms and rocked her back and forth kissing her constantly to let her know it was gonna be okay . Meanwhile inside my chest my fuckin' heart was damn near crumbling . My own fuckin' brother ! How could i sleep with his girl man . How ? ! He was all i had in this world and i fucked that up . If we hadn't have all moved into this house me and Lady wouldn't have start checkin' for each other and Neo would still be here right now ! It's all my fault . When our grandfather died and left us this house we should have just sold it and split the money . But at the time moving in sounded like a good idea . Damn ! chapter 3 - Adriyel " Dri ! Wait up shorty ! " Xavier ran down the school hall to catch up with me . I really didn't have time to socialize . I was already 20 minutes late for my first bell class . So i kept it pushing . He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him " i cant get a hi or nothing like that ? " " nope - " His eyes traveled down my face and landed right on my neck where my mother hit me . There was a bruise starting to form on my extremely light brown skin . I put my hand on my neck to try and cover it but it was way too late . He grabbed me and pulled me into a embrace , so warm . His tall , athletic body covered my small frame " Adriyel , man , -" I cut him off and tried to pull away from his hug because i felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes but he wouldn't let me go . with a shaky voice i mumbled " let me go , Xavier . I'm okay . " " no , im not letting you go , baby . You can tell me to all you want . " I couldn't breath . And it wasn't because he was holding me too tight or anything but because i felt embarrassed . Xavier had already known abou my home life but he never saw a bruise or anything like that until now . Hot tears streamed down my face " I'm okay . I'm fine . " He loosened his hold on me a little bit and let me take a step back but his eyes never left me . I could tell he was concerned but i didn't like the way he was looking at me . He was looking at me like he was screaming for me to let him help me but there was really nothing he could do though . " come with me ." He grabbed my hands and led the way out the school building . I didn't object , i just followed behind him . I was too wrapped in my own thoughts to object . We walked , a few blocks over to the park . We sat on the bench and he pulled me onto his lap . He looked deep into my eyes before he spoke " You know i love you , right ? And i want you safe and protected at all times . Matter of fact , i want to protect you . But i cant do that with you all the way over there . Like , i need you near me , baby . " I kept quiet because i knew where this was going , he wanted me to live with him . And i really couldn't . no doubt i love him and of course he was always my baby since we were toddlers . we'd had our fair share of ups and downs . And i loved him . That's for sure . He could see i wasn't gonna talk " come on Adriyel ! I need you on this . You want to keep getting yelled at and beat and shit ? ! Do you ? " I took a deep breath " no . " " okay then . We don't even have to stay here . My homie snake lent me his homie's black Mercedes Benz for a small fee . All you gotta do is say the word baby . " I thought for a minute . It all sounded so good . It really did . But , i still wasn't sure . He kissed me " we can get our on place and everything . i'ma take care of you baby . And if you want i can put a lil jr in yo belly too . " I gave him a look that said HELL NO ! He laughed so i just had to join in . "i was just playing baby . Damn , you still cant take a joke . " We laughed and kissed and i agreed to leave town with him the next night . It really was getting worse and worse by the day . And when i arrived home that confirmed it . The first voice i heard when i closed the front door was my grandmother's coming from the kitchen " And where you been ? school let out at 3 , it takes you 10 minutes at the most to get here , and it's 4 o'clock . " I went into the kitchen and sat at the table across from her " i sat outside with a friend . " " ain't nobody tell you you could sit outside with no damn friends but get the hell outta my face . " I left the kitchen and headed upstairs to my room . I was surprised to see my mother sitting on my bed waiting for me . she didn't look happy either . I took off my book bag and stayed at a distance " hi . " " come here girl ! " I took a few steps toward her . " bitch , i said come here ! " she reached out and grabbed my arm to pull me to her " the school called today . So i guess you just skippin' now ? huh ? " she let me go and swung a belt she had on the bed next to her . The belt whipped right across my face leaving a burning feeling on my face . I wanted to yell out in pain but i was too in shock . Before i could do anything she swung again , and again , and again , all in different spots on my face . I could feel blood trickle down my chin as she continued to hit me . I fell to the floor and rolled into a fetal position to try to protect my face but she still swung . And she didn't swing at my body , but just at my head . " YOU . MUST . THINK . YOU . GROWN . I SAW YOU WITH THAT BOY ! YOU . A . HOE . NOW ? HUH ? ! " When she finally stopped i could feel my face swelling up . It felt like i had been repeatedly kicked in my head and my face . I never knew a whoopin' could hurt so bad . I waited for her to leave before i sat up . My hair was standing all over my head , my face was on fire too . I was pissed and so fed up but i couldn't utter not one word . I decided right there that i was done . I admit , skipping school wasn't smart on my part but i shouldn't be bleeding from my face . I cleaned my face as best as i could , dumped all my school shit out my book bag and filled it with clothes , then i found my cell phone and dialed Xavier's number . I had to get out of there , asap. " Adriyel ? " " yeah , can you come get me ? I cant stay here . " He paused but agreed . I waited a few more minutes , slung my book bag over my shoulders and climbed out my bedroom window . By the time i made it around to the front of the house Xavier was pulling up . I jumped in the car and he sped away . His head turned back and forth between me and the road , i could see the muscles in his jaw working . He was pissed but he kept his mouth shut and drove . I was glad he didn't say anything because i wasn't ready to talk about it . we must have been driving for 25 minutes in complete silence before i heard police sirens behind us . I looked back and then turned to Xavier who was pulling to the side of the road " baby ? " He didn't say anything . He looked at me though and his face was telling me he knew exactly what this was about . I shook my head " i can't fucking believe you . What is this about ? " The police officer knocked on the driver side window and Xavier rolled down the window " sir , i'm going to need you to step out of the car . " He followed the directions , put his hands on his head , and was patted down and hand cuffed . A second officer walked up to my window and told me to step out " ma'am how old are you ? " If i told the truth they'd send me back home . no , i couldn't go back home . I wouldn't go if they threatened to kill me . Either i was gonna die out here or i was gonna die at home . And i'd already made my choice , i'd die out here . " 19 . " He shinned his flash light in my eyes but i didn't budge , i didn't even blink " got some i.d. ? " I shook my head " nope . now , what is this about ? " " This car was at the scene of a robbery no less than 30 minutes ago and your boyfriend over there , " He pointed to Xavier who was being put in the back seat of the police cruiser " matches the description for the robber . now - " His radio cut him off " shots fired at 246 Leeper ave . I need all available units whithin 8 blocks ." We were 6 blocks over from Leeper avenue so he had to go . He looked at me and shook his head " ma'am , it's your lucky day . But don't let me catch you out here again . " He knew i wasn't 19 , the look on his face said it all . But he walked away anyways . I thanked god at that very moment . He jogged back to his cruiser and him and his partner were on their way . I looked at Xavier sitting in the back seat and tears escaped my eyes . He was my everything . He mouthed the words " do it for us . " I knew what that meant . A few months ago we'd had a conversation as he walked me home from school . He smiled at me while we walked " you know i'm gon' take you away from all this one day . just me and you . " I laughed " yeah , i'll be waiting on that day . " " no for real babe . i'ma put you threw college and the whole 9 ! one of us gotta do good . And if i cant then i'ma make sure you can . " I stopped walking and turned to face him " you can do it , you just choose not to . " He pulled me into his arms " well , do it for both of us then , baby . 'cause a nigga like me ain't built for no shit like that . " I got in the driver side of the car , i didn't have a license but i had learned how to drive long ago . So i drove . I drove until my back hurt . I drove until my eyes were watering from looking at the road or from thinking about Xavier . I drove until my hands cramped . I drove until the car stopped . Publication Date: June 17th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-noodle513

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-chalen-d-she-039-s-gone-bad/

Chalen D. She's Gone Bad in this story they do twilight as a play, and i am in no way at all, saying that the work is mine. it's Stephanie's. i know there's misspelled words in this i was to tired to proof read. "really?" i asked the coke machine. i put my last dollar and 50c. into it and it didn't give me my soda. i kicked it and the sdoa fell. "ha!" i said taking my soda. "need help?" i asked the kid staring at me. "nope." he said, with a smile. "just want a soda." he said. he put money in pushed a button and hit it with his fist. the soda tumbled down. he took it and looked at me. "it's old," he said. "you gotta hit it." he said. "yeah." i said, walking to class. "thats how i knew you where new." he said, catching up with me. "how?" i asked, not stopping. "everyone hits it with there fist, if you kick it, your knew." he said. "ok." i said, my eye brows pulled together. "yup. see yah around kid." he said. he ran to a group of rockers and gave everyone high fives. i rolled my eyes and went inside the english room. the bell rang and the boy flew through the door. "late." the teacher said. "oh come on mr. d." he said. "technically, he was in the door before the bell ended." i said. the teacher and the kid looked at me. "your safe." the teacher said sitting down. the kid gave me a high five on the way to his seat. "alright class. we have a knew student." mr. d. said. "they know." i said. everyone laughed. "her name is um how do you say your name?" he asked. "it's Raylynn i go by rilie." i siad. "ok." he said. "any way romeo and Juliet." the teacher said clapping his hands togeter. the boy next to me jumped. i stared at the door as the teacher droned on. a note in the shape of a star, flew out of no were and landed on my desk. Already looking at the door eh? I spit my now non flavored gum into the note and tossed it in the trash. the bell rang and i basically felw out of my desk. "art." the teacher said. "art is the most wonderful way to express you self." she siad. "you gotta be kidding me?" i asked the roof as the boy walked through the door. he handed the teacher a note and sat down on the other end of the room. when he saw me he gave a little finger wave. i nodded and looked at the art teacher. "you each have a canvas paint something or a saying that means something to you. then you will give it to the person of your choice." she said. i got to work. THE BOY WHO TAUGHT ME TO RELAX. i painted. the boy came to me and gave me the painting he did. THE GIRL WHO KICKED THE COKE MACHINE. i laughed and gave him mine. he smiled and went back to his seat. i skipped lunch and hid in the office saying i didn't feel good. the bell rang and i snuck out of the office and left to drama class. "we are going to be working on a play this semester." the director said. "i'll give you the parts tomorrow, as of right now, we need to work on the back drop, so get into partners." he said. i decided to go solo, and unstrung the lights. "got you this." someone said. "oh it's you." i said to the boy. again? i asked the roof. "where you expecting someone?" he asked. "thanks you can put the ladder over there." i said ignoring his question. he held the ladder as i hung the lights. "hey kid in the blue shirt can you hand me the other string of lights please?" i asked. he nodded and gave me the lights. "thank you." i said. he nodded. the bell rang and i got into my car and drove home. i still couldn't get over the size of my older brothers mansion. "someone called for you." he said. he walked from the living room to the kitchen and put his bowl in the sink. "i can't belive that a child like you is one of the most richest people in the world." i told him. "child?" he asked. i pointed at his shirt. he looked down at the blue fruit loop on his shirt. he picked it off and ate it. "your 19 years old, start acting like it." i siad. "ok miss thirty-five." he said, going to the living room. "we've been over this i'm 17 blake!" i yelled after him. "whateves." he siad. "whateves?" i asked. "have you been haning out with 10 year olds again?" i asked. "home work." he said. i rolled my eyes and jogged up to my room. i did my home work and answered the door. "hey!" the boy said, taken off gaurd almost as much as i was. i looked at the roof. Seriously? "what's up?" i asked. "blake here?" he asked. "blake!" i yelled. "oh hey man." Blake said, doing a hand shake with him. "have you met my sister?" he asked. "yeah. Raylynn." the boy said. "rilie." me and blake said together. "right." the kid said, pulling his eye brows together. i crossed my arms. "wanna come in?" blake asked. the kid nodded. "so wanna finish that new video game?" blake asked the kid. "hell yeah." he said. i followed them to the living room. "trun the light off will yah rilie?" blake asked. "do i look like a maid?" i asked. "please?" the kid asked. i rolled my eyes and sat down. the kid typed in his gaming name. coltan64 awesomeness. coltan. i sat in the dark and watched them play the game. i listened to the rain and tunder. the room would light up every now and then when lightning would flash across the dark pissed off sky. "hey who called?" i asked him. "kyler." blake said copping off some guys head with a sowrd. i got up and went to the kitchen. i sat at the island. "hello?" kyler asked. "hey babe." i said. "rillie! sweetie pie! why haven't you called me?" he said. "i just got in last night. "i said. "i miss you so much come home." he begged. "i can't." i said. "i know. i thought if i said it it would make me feel better." he said. "i miss you." i said. "ahwe! i miss you too cutie." he said. "so tell me how's school." he said. "well school is school." i said. "have any friends?" he asked. "nope." i said. "huh. that don't sound like the rilie i love." he said. "i don't want friends. when the whole thing blows over at home, i don't want a bunch of people to say goodbye to." i said. "so you just sit by yourself then?" he asked. "no i hide in the office." i said. "oh hun." he said. "don't you have next door kids?" he asked. "I don't really know my way around yet." i said. he shighed. "blake bought me a car." i siad. "holy cow nipples shut up gurlie." he said. "totaly the truth." i said. "well shit." he said. "yeah its a black convertible." i said. "oh sweet! you have to take me on a ride." he said. "when everything blows over i promise." i said. "when what blows over?" coltan asked getting a soda. "never you mind." i said. "who are you talking to?" coltan and kyler asked. "never you damn mind." i said. "blakes friend." i told kyler. "oh come on we're friends." coltan said. "no we aren't we don't have anything in common." i said. coltan took the phone fom me. "give it back." i yelled. "hey whats up?" coltan asked. "kyler dont talk to him girl code!" i yelled. i smaked coltans arm and held my hand out. coltan thumped the phone in my hand. "sorry." i said to kyler. "is that your best friend on the phone?" coltan asked. "out!" i yelled pointing to the door. "all right." he said. "blake i got your soda." he said. "you like him." kyler said. "when hell freezes over." i said. "alright hun. but when you date i call taking full credit and i can say i told you so." kyler said. "it wont happen." i siad. "20 bucks." kyler said. "30." i said. "deal." he said. i put the phone down and did the hand shake me and him came up with in the 7th grade for when we couldn't shake hands. i picked the phone up. "so what's his name?" he asked. "coltan and he makes me irate." i said. "he can only do that if you let him hun." he siad. "i love you." i said. "i love you too babe." he said. "oh shit i have to go josh stuck his head in the stair fence thingy and got his head stuck." he said. josh is his 11 year old brother. "oh use butter." i said, recalling when blake did the same thing, no to long ago. "thanks talk to you soon." he said. "i love you." i siad. "i love you too babe." he siad. i hung up the phone and put my head in my hands. i missed kyler and my firends, and my mom. but affter what i did there was NO going back there untill things died down. "did he go home yet?" i asked blake as he came in the kitchen and recyled the cans. "yeah." he said. "i'm late." i told blake, the next morning. "for a very important date?" he asked. i looked at the ceiling. would it be a sin if i strangeld him? "just don't set the house on fire." i said. i grabed my jaket and bag and ran outside. "lovley." i said, as i got buckets of rain poored on me. i through the jaket over my head and ran to my car. the car in front of me was at the stop sighn, hood up. i honked and zoomed around them. coltan was under the hood. "dammit." i said putting the car in revers. "get in!" i yelled at him. he dropped his hood, grabed his bag, locked his door and jumped in the car. "seat belt." i said, hitting the gas. once on school grounds i went to the soda machine becuse we got there faster than i thought we would. i put my money in and looked around. i hit the machine and my soda fell. "told you." coltan said. "dammnit coltan!" i practicly yelled. i got some stares and what the hell's. "are you going to stand there all day or can i get a soda?" he asked. i moved. "wait for me." he said. and for some lame reson i did. we walked to class in sclince. "come meet my friends." he said. i planted my feet in the grass. "come on." he said. he took my hand and pulled me. "rilie." he said, when i didn't move. "what?" i asked. "come on." he insisted, pointing to the rocker group. i would fit in well with them, but like i said, when i went home i didn't want to say goodbye to people, cause it effing sucks ass. he pulled me to his group. "jay, skylar, greysen, andy, davie, aiden, hayley, kristen and kilie." he said. "this is rilie." he said. everyone jumped up from the wall and high fived us. the bell rang. "dammit coltan!" i yelled. he yranked me to the class room. "safe!" a kid named frankie said, his arms like a reff. the whole class burst out with laughter. me and coltan bowed and high fived. "alright class!" Mr. D. said. everyone ran to there seats and shut there mouth. not only was he the english teacher he was the princapal. "rilie!" aiden yelled. i looked at my sand wich and then made my way to his table. "whats crackalakin?" he asked, giving me a haigh five. "not a damn thing." i said. "aint that the truth?" andy asked. he sat down and high fived us. everyone else came and sat down. i hugged hayley and kristen and the lunch talk began. "what?" i asked as davie called my name. "why did you move with your brother?" he asked. "she missed him." coltan covered for me. i pointed at coltan and davie shrugged and ate a fry. thanks, i mouthed. coltan nodded and jummped into a conversaion with the guys. the girls nodded trying to keep up. "whats a seven ahlod?" greyson aksed her eye brows raised. jay opened his mouth but it was me who talked. "it's the most powerful wizard in the game they're talking about. kill him and you win the game. its on the last level." i siad. the girls' mouths fell open and the boys high fived me. "how'd you know that?" kristen asked. "blake is my older brother." i simply said. everyone nodded as if that explained a big thing, and it did. i should know what it was scince blake invented the line of games. i took a drink of my soda. "i have changed my mind. we are going to do a film. once done the whole school will see it. we're doing twilight." he said. i looked at the celing. Really? "we're doing the skript exactly like the book." he said. good. the book is better. "now kristen, your alice. and rosalie will be played by hayley. greysen your going to be esme. skylar your going to be jessica, and fay your angila. jay is carlisel, aiden jasper, davie emmett, andy jacob, kilie your going to be bella's mom and frankie your bella's dad." he said. he gave rolls to the other kids. "bella and edward are rilie and coltan." the director said. "ooo!" everyone said. i looked at the roof and coltan looked at his hand. Come on!? What did i do for this? i prayed before i ate, i made my bed in the morning! we redid the sets and the bell rang. "why did i have to make friends?" i asked the roof of my car. coltan knocked on my window and i unlocked the door. he slid in putting his back pack on the floor. "so, my car wont be done till mondy. think you can deal with me till then?" he said. i looked at the roof of my car. what did i do? "well?" coltan asked. "sure." i said turning over the engine. "wait!" skylar yelled. she was with aiden and andy. "can we bum a ride?" she asked bending down and resting her arm on the door. "get in." i said. "sweet." aiden said. "you rock rilie." andy said. "thanks." skylar said shutting her door. "yep." i said. i dropped everyone off and parked in the drive way. i dropped coltan off at his car so he could wait for the toe truck. "hey niehbor!" he yelled hopping out of the toe turck. WHY!? i asked looking a the sky. i waved . "be over in a hour." he said. "i'll tell blake!" i yelled back. "thanks!" he yelled opening his door. "coltans coming over." i said. "kyler called." blake said. "babe things are getting worse." kyler said, when i called him. "you can't come home at all maybe." he said. "why are you wispering?" i asked. "im at the library." he said. "why?" i asked. kyler didn't go there. it simpliy wasn't done unless i promised him skittles. " my crush works here." he said. "Shut up! is he cute?" i asked. "of course! back to you. the cops are involved now and they're looking for you. everyone in school is covering your ass right now." he said. ok so i know everyone. it's hard not to when you all basicly grew up together. "hold them off tell everyone if they rat on me, i'll slap them silly. no matter what the cops say or give you guys, don't tell them where i am or could be." i siad. "oh i already told them where you could be." he said. "where?" i asked. "canada." he said. i smaked my forehead. "sorry babe." he said when he heard me smak my forehead. "shit i gotta go." i siad. "i love you." he said. "i love you too bye." i said, quikly hanging up the phone as coltan came into the kitchen for sodas. "hey how's it goin?" i asked him with a nod. "what's going on?" he asked. "nuthing." i said. "cut the shit tell me." he said. "nuthing it's just kyler." i said. "whats wrong with him?" he asked getting a soda. "not my secret to tell." i said, taking the soda. "what the?'' he asked, as if it litaraly flew from his hand. "oh," i said by the kitchen door. "we need to get together, and run lines." i siad. "shit." he said. "give me an hour with the game and i'll meet you out back." he said. "sweet do you have a skript?" i asked. "shit thats what i forgot." he said. "lucky for you i snagged a copy." i siad. "awesome meet you out side in an hour." he said. i did my home work took a quick shower and went out side with the scripts. "hello." coltan said. " my name is edward cullen. i didn't get a chance to introduce myself last week. you must be bella swan?" coltan said. when he said bella swan he got on his knee and held his hands up to me. "strike me now!" i yelled at the sky arms out. "im sorry." he said standing up. "why don't we start with seen 7?" he asked. "hold it romeo." i said pushing him away from me, as he tryed to kiss me. "can't you just thank me and get over it?" coltan asked. "thank you." i said. "your not going to let this go are you?" he asked. "no." i said. " in that case." he said pausing. "i hope you enjoy disapointment." coltan finished. "whoa! hey why all the fighting?" blake asked coming to us. "we're not fighting, we're acting. we got the lead." coltan said. "great guys." blake said. blake began talking to coltan about the newest game he did. "well i guess practice is over." i said going inside. "where you going?" coltan asked. "inside to practice, could you at least scan through the script?" i said before shuting the french door. "bossy." coltan said to blake. "yeah, she get's it from my mom." blake said. "ok kiddos lets see what you got." the director said. i don't know why he wanted us to call him that he wasn't a reall one. "carlisel esme." coltan said with a pause. " this is bella." he finished. "you are very welcome, bella." jay said, coming to me. i shook his hand. "it's nice to see you again dr. cullen." i siad. "please call me carlisle." jay said. "carlisle." i said with a smile. greysen smiled and took my hand. "it's very nice to know you." she said. "thank you. i'm glad to meet you, too." i said. "where are alice and jasper?" coltan asked. "hey edward!" kristen called a little over the top with happiness. kristen ran down the stairs to us, leaving aiden at the top of the stairs. "hi bella." she said. the "director" picked good charactors. kristen kissed my cheeck everyone stiffened and i looked up at coltan. "you do smell nice. i never noticed before." she said. aiden came down. and stood a little ways away. "hello, bella." he said. "hello jasper." i said. "it's nice to meet you all, you have a very beautiful home." i siad. "thank you." greysen said. "we're so glad you came." she said. i looked at the piano. "do you play?" greysen asked noding to the piano slightly. i shook my head. "not at all. but it's so beautiful. is it yours?" i said. "no," she laughed. "edward didn't tell you he was musical?" she asked. i narowed my eyes at coltan. "i should of known, i guess." i siad. greysen raised her eye browns. "edward can do anything right?" i asked. aiden laughed and greysen gave coltan a motherly look. "i hope you havent been showing off, it's rude." she said. "just a bit." coltan laughed. "he's been too modest, actually." i siad. "well play for her." greyen said. "you just said showing off was rude." coltan objected. "there are exceptions to every rule." she said. "i'd like to hear you play." i said. "it's settled then." she said, pushing him to the piano. coltan pulled me along with him. i sat on the bench. he looked at me for a while and then turned to the keys. " and cut!" the director yelled before coltan touched the keys. "i am amazed!" he said everyone else clapped. i was amazed that coltan got every line right. he didn't even mess up. it was almost as if it came natrual to him. the last 10 mins of classs we went to get out of costumes. "you look nice with brown hair." coltan siad. "it's my natural color." i siad, taking off the wig and reveling my bleach blond hair with purple highlights. i stood behind a curtin and got into my clothes. "you did good." i said, peering at him from over the top of the curtin. "i should of been good i stayed up all night." he said. "why?'' i asked. i grabed my bag. "i did it for you." he said. i smiled. "thanks." i siad. "this grade means a lot to me." i said. " i know. thats whay i did it." he said. i smiled and punched his arm. he laughed and ran a hand throguh his black choppy hair. it fell into his blue eyes. "come on." i said. we walked down the hall. he wouldn't stop smiling so i pushed him. he laughed and chased me to my car. he pulled my side pony tail lightly. " dude the cops know where your mom lives now they went and talked to her." kyler said when i called him. "did she tell them where i was?" i asked. "yeah she said your living with your brother but she doesn't know where you are." he said. "shit." i said. "i think it's time i told blake." i siad. "good idea." he said. "yeah but he's not good with this stuff." i said. "if i told him the cops where after me he'd flip like freak out flip." i said. "tell him it wasn't your fault you got tangled up with the cops." he said. "oh yeah, it wasn't my fault i was just at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. who's going to belive that?" i asked. "i would." coltan said. i wipped around. "coltan what are you doing here?'' i asked. "what did you do?" he asked. "nothing just something that i didnt mean to happen." i said. "look you can't tell blake or anyone i don't want you involved. your too important to me now." i said. "cruch alert." kyler said. "look, if the cops come to you just say that i'm just your neihbor. kyler i gotta go." i siad. i told him i loved him and i hung up. "what happened." coltan asked. "it's better if you don't know." i siad. "blake!" i yelled. "what's up?" he asked. "i have to go." i said. "where?" he asked. coltan and him followed me to my room. " the cops are looking for me." i siad. "what, why?" he asked. "don't worry about it." i said. "where you going to go?" he asked. "i don't know." i said. "i'll live in my car for a while." i siad. "you can't do that." coltan said. "watch me." i said starting to pack my things. "just tell me what happened." blake said. " i can't." i said. he took me by the shoulders. "tell me." he said. he looked like my dad. that's why i might of told him. "i went to this party with kyler. things happened and i told kyler about it. kyler told his cousins and they kicked someomes ass and put him in the hospital, and he died. then he was brang back to life, but he never got out yet" i said. "some how my name got brang in to this and now im the number one person they want." i said. "where's kylers cousins?" he asked. "canada." i said. "what happened at the party?" coltan asked. "i can't tell you." i said pulling away from the grip of blakes large hands. "yes you can." blake said. "oh come on." coltan said. "i was raped ok?" i said. "shit." i siad. coltans fists colsed. blake wasn't himself. "what do i have to do to keep you safe?" he asked. "i don't know yet." i said. "why do they want you?" coltan asked calm. i could tell we was about to blow up. "lets not find out shall we?" i said. "well they think your the cause of the beating or they just want to question you about the party." blake siad. "i don't want to find out." i said. i sat in english irect and alert. the door opened and two cops came in. coltan looked at me. as soon as the cops turned thier backs to talk to the teacher i left the room. i through my hair in a bun and zipped up my hoddie throughing on my hood. i tightened my backback straps and jumped the fence that led to the student parking lot. i got in my car and drove away. i passed by my house three times before pulling in. "the cops have been here." blake said. "yeah i know they're at school." i said. "i have a summer home in forks, we need to get you there and fast." he said. "are you going too?" i asked. "if i dissapear now they'll know somethings up." he said. so blake was smart. "here. i got you a fake id and a airline ticket, as where speaking one of my men is switching your licence plates." he said. "this is camila. she's going to give you a make over." he said. "your things are packed. when you get to the air port go to star bucks a guy with orange hair will meet you there. give him this lighter and he'll know who you are. he'll make sure everything will go smothly, your car will be delivered and he'll watch over you and make sure your safe." he said. damn i never knew blake had this in him. i rolled my eyes as my hair was turned back to brown. 30 mins later i gave the guy a lighter. "rilie." he smiled. he gave me a envelope. "enjoy your trip, i'll meet you in forks and don't talk to anyone. this state is crawling with undercover cops." he said. i stared at him. "like you?" i asked. "yeah, you need to listen cause i could loose my job for this." he siad. "deal." i said. "good, now go i don't want to be seen with you too much." he said. i went to gate 6 and got on my flight. "there you are." a man said to me. he had brown hair. "i'm sorry sir. i don't know you." i said in a southeren acsent. "you good kid." the guy said. he showed me the lighter. " this way." he said. we jogged through the air port with people running out of our way and staring at us. we got my sfuff and got into my car. once at the house the guy gave me a cell phone. "this is a safety line phone. if you need to make a phone call use this. if there is an emergency hold down the star key for three seconds, my men and i will be here with in sceconds. my number is under gabe. if you need anything call me ." he siad. "thanks." i siad. "one more thing." he said he gave me a gun. "know how to use it?" he asked. "course." i said. "wait a minute," i siad. " your jones." i siad. "you have a good memory kid." he said. "yeah i know." i siad. "you know how to use these right?" he asked, showing me a tazer gun and pepper spray. "i should my dad was your best friend." i said. he nodded and gave them to me. "i'll have someone check on you every now and then. they'll knock twise and show you the lighter through the peep hole. if you see no lighter do not answer the door understand?" he said. "deal." i said. "good luck kid." he said. he kissed my forhead. "thanks uncle gabe." i siad as he truned and opened the door. "it's my job." he siad. "be careful." i siad. "always. you too." he said. he colosed the door and i was alone. i called blake. "yeah?" he asked. "im safe." i said. "good." he said. with out another word the line went dead. "hello?" a frantic voice asked. "coltan." i said. "damnit rilie." he said. "where are you?" he demanded. "i can't tell you." i said. "why the hell not?" he asked. "the less you know the better." i said. "i want to know. srcatch that i need to know." he siad. "i'm safe." i said. there was a pause. "promise?" he asked, voice shaking. "yes." i said. "just tell me where you are." he begged. he sounded broken. "i'll call when i can." i siad. "rilie." he said, before i hung up. damn, why did kyler always have to be right? i asked the roof. Kyler! i diled his number. "kyler." i said. "hun?" he asked. "yeah what's going on?" i asked. "the cops have moved to beverlyhills to find you." he said. "yeah i know i'm not there." i said. "where are you?'' he asked. "im in hiding." i siad. "where?'' he asked. "if i tell you, you promise to stay there?'' i asked. "i have to, who's going to keep you up to date on this end?" he said. "im in forks." i said. "well shit, is it cold?" he asked. "some what." i said. "see any vampires yet?'' he asked. "if i don't eat soon i will be one." i said. he laughed. "alright, i love yah hun." he said. "keep me posted." i said. "will do." he said. "k i love you bye." i said. i ate and went to a room. i locked the door and pushed the dresser in front of it. i locked the window, and turned off the light. i kept the bed lamp on. i put the tazer gun and peper spry in the side table i made sure the gun was on safety and slipped it under the pillow. i fell asleep quickly, relizing how tired i was. "need anything?' the guy at my door asked the next morning. "im good." i siad. he nodded sliped the lighter in his poket and left. i locked the door and ate some strawberries. "happy birthady to me." i said. being 18 is such a drag. i took a shower. i looked out the door as two knocks sounded. a second later a lighter appered. i opend the door. "coltan?" i asked. i jumped out of the house and hugged him. he pulled me into the house. "how'd you find me?" i asked. he locked the door. "you really wanna know?'' he asked. "yeah." i said. "i'm a good hacker, i heard it when you told kyler." he said. "whatever i don't care i'm glad your here." i said. we hugged. "so did they talk to you?" i asked. "yeah they said they just wanted to ask you questions and i told them i didn't know you that well." he siad. "good." i said, holding the couch pillow close to my chest. "hey, where's your dad?" he asked. "ri?" he asked when i didn't answer him. "he died." i wispered. "he tryed to get some guy the cops wanted. he pushed my uncle out of the way of a bullet." i said. "hit him dead in the chest." i said. he was quite. i took in and let out a breath. "what's wrong?'' he asked. "you wouldn't belive me if i told you." i said. "give it a shot." he said. "wait i mean go." he said. "it's fine." i said. he stared at me for a while telling me to tell him what was on my mind. "i'm scared." i said. "your right i don't belive you." he said. "not scared for me. for blake and my mom and kyler." i said. "and you." i siad. "you shouldn't of come here." i said. standing up. "why?" he asked. "if i get caught i don't want to take you down with me." i said. "why do you care if i go down?" he asked. "i don't want to lose you. your too important to me now." i said. he stood. "you need to leave." i siaid. "i can't." he said. his voice sounded hurt. "you just have to." i said. "i can't leave you." he said. "why not, what about your family don't you care about them?' i asked. "don't you care for yours?" he asked. "you just up and left." he said. "i up and left for them!" i said. "i don't want them getting involved they mean the world to me. this is my fault i don't want them involved!" i said. he stayed quite. i kinda felt it was because that i rasied my voice. he was standing in front of me. i crossed my arms. "you gotta leave." i said. "do you want me too?" he asked. "if it keeps you safe then yes." i said. "i don't want to leave you behind, when i can't pertect you i feel all wiered, it kinda feaks me out." he said. i looked at the floor. "come on." he said. he pulled me into his arms. and for a split second, i let someone else be the strong one. that night i gave him a pillow and a blanket. he slept on the couch as i slept in my room. or at least tryed to. coltan kept truning and thummping his legs on the couch "is there a problem?" i asekd pushing my door open, hard enough to make it hit the wall. "the couch isn't long enough." he isad. even though the couch was three cusions long, he did look a little cramped. he came to me and thats when i notised he towered over me, making me want to just curl against him. "do you have an extra blanket so i can sleep on the floor?" he asked. "your not sleeping on the floor." i siad. "should i sleep on the roof then?" he asked. "sleep in my bed." i siad. "what?" he asked. but i was tired i was already heading to the room. "you can sleep." he siad. "i have to be alert." i said. "how about i be alert." he said. i relaxed and fell asleep. "you cook?" i asked coltan in the morning. "suprise." he said. "i'll say." i said. "gonna call kyler?" he asked. "yeah." i said. "you can't go one day with out talking to that boy." he said. "or should i say girl? witch one does he perfer?" he asked. "you care what gay people think?" i asked. "yeah, course i do they're people too. they're cool." he said. i crossed my arms. "you know that how?'' i asked. "cause, jay's gay." he said with a shrug. "cool." i said. "anything new?'' i asked kyler. i sat at the table no longer caring if coltan heard the conversaion. he didn't want to go home? fine. let him be apart of every damn thing. "yeah." kyler said. "well?" i asked. "they told the school who ever gives any info they'll get a thousand dollars." he said. "shit, they want me bad." i said. "i know." he said. "anyone fess up?'' i asked. "no way, everyone knows they're lying." he said. "oh hey, by the way how's the library crush going?" i asked. "total ass hon." he said. "well listen i think i have someone for you." i said. coltan laughed and shook his head. "oh god." coltan smiled. "really?" he asked. "yeah he's cute sweet and totaly romantic." i said. "what's his name?" he asked. "jay. i'll send you a pick when i can go back to beverlyhills." i said. "cool. i gotta go the cops are here." he said. with that he hung up. "what happened?" he asked, setting a cheese omlet in from of me. "thanks. the cops are there." i siad. coltan gave me a glass of milk and sat down to eat. "he will be ok." coltan siad, looking me in the eye. i relaxed not one bit. "he better be." i said taking a bit. "this is really good." i said. two knocks sounded. i went to the door and saw a lighter. i opend the door. "hey uncle josh." i said. "who you talking to huh?" he asked. "any out sider can be dangerous." he said. he went to the kitchen. "you come here." he siad. coltan came to him. josh patted him down. "you cant search him like that." i objected. "i can do whatever i want sweet cheeks, im a cop." he said. "a cop, rilie whats going on?" coltan asked. "i thought we where avoding them." he said. "this is my dad's best friend blake sent him to protect me." i said. "this is coltan. one of my friends." i said. "this is risky raylynn." he said. "i know but he wont leave." i said. "won't leave huh?" he asked steping to coltan. "wait!" i siad. "he can stay i need some one to talk to." i said. josh looked at me. "do you trust him?" he asked. "yes." i said. "do you need anything?" he asked. "no." i siad shaking my head. josh kissed my forehead, took another look and coltan and left. i locked the door and finished my food. i answered my phone. "babe, they know your in forks." kyler said, he sounded like he was running. "how?" i asked standing up. "james said blake has a home there." he said. "why are you running?' i asked. "im going to kick his ass." he siad. "don't kill him." i said. "no promises." he said. "kyler please!" i said, but the line was dead. i called josh. "they know where i am, it's a matter of seconds before this place gets flooded with cops." i siad. "i know im getting you out of there as we speak." he said. "hurry." i siad. "doin' my best cupcake, pack." he said. with that the line went dead. "get ready, we're on the run." i said to coltan he got up and started stuffing his clothes in the back pack he had."someone's messing with your car." coltan said. "what does it look like he's doing?" i asked zipping up my jaket. "he's changing your plates." he said. two knoks ecohed through the semi bare house. "got it." he said. "check for the lighter." i said. there was a pause and then the sound of coltan undoing the locks. "miss rilie?" i heard. "in the room." i said. "are your bags ready?" the guy asked. "yep." i said. the guy put our stuff in the trunck. "ready?'' josh asked. "yeah." i said. "lets move." he said. he put his hand on my back and we jogged to the car. he opened and shut my door for me. coltan and josh jummped in. josh started the car and pushed a button. soon the roof was closing and we where off. "what do you mean, they're sourounding the city?" josh asked. he listend. "there checking every car?" he asked in disbelieve. "damn they sure do want you kid." he said looking to me. "scope the city lines, call me back if you find a whole in thier line of people." he said. he hung up the phone and pulled over. the trees loomed over us, almost as if they new our end of the line was soon. "that was fast." josh said picking up his phone. "alright." he said and hung up. we took the main highway and then truned onto a dirt road. "hang on, to something." he said. we zoomed down the road, me bouncing up and down, hitting my head three times untill josh finaly turned on to a road, dirst flying and wheels screaching in protest. YOU ARE NOW LEAVING FORKS WASHINGTON. i relaxed some. "where to next?'' i asked. "catalina island, your dad had a safe house, you mom never sold it." he said. "how do i get my car there?" i asked. "you don't. i'll have one of my men watch it." he siad. "are you going to?" i asked. "someone's gotta have your back." he said. was it just me or did he glance at coltan? i asked the roof. we got onto a speed boat and sped to the island. the waves crashed into the boat as we sliced through them. coltan stayed scilent. i grabbed his had and let it go. i held on to my chair. "lock that door." josh said as we went into the house. coltan listened and sat on the couch. two weeks passed and no news was reported about the cops. had they just given up? did they want us to think that so i'd come out of hiding. "i'm on vacation, i can't come in to work today." josh said as i came into the kitchen. the rain had died down but hadn't stoped. "im in carolina, visiting my sister." he said. "yeah. im sorry." he said. "there looking for me." he siad. "there's not much time before they'll send out a search party." he said. "shit, they'll probably bring the dogs." he said. "did anyone know about this place?" i asked "i don't think so." he said. my phone rang. "it might be blake." i siad. "put it on speaker phone." josh said. "rilie?" the voice asked. "yeah?" i asked. "this is sheriff miller." he said. shit. "how'd you get this number?" i asked. "the phone your useing is cop issued, we can turn it into a listening device." he said. "i'm going to ask you one time. who gave you the phone?" he said. "nobody." i said. "hun, we just want to talk to you. ok?" he said. i looked at josh, who shook his head no. "i don't belive you." i said. "look, i don't want to have to have my men come and get you." he siad. "i'll make a deal you'll be safe if you just come and talk to us." he said. josh shook his head no. "no." i said. "be smart raylynn i don't want to send in my men. they will find you." he said. "oh yeah?" i asked. "you don't know me that well then eh?" i said. "look. jake was our most smartest cop." he said. josh wrote something down. HEAR HIM OUT. "and?" i asked. "your dad could stay hiden for days. you remind me of him." he said. "i do?" i asked. DON'T FALL FOR IT. josh wrote. "come on, ri, your dad would want you to talk to us." he said. "my dad was a good cop. he was a better bad guy though. i think he'd understand." i said. miller shighed. YOU HAVE HIM NOW BRING IT HOME. josh wrote. "we will find you and i have no choice but to aresst you." he said. "come and get me then." i said. "fine." he said. "oh and how's catalina?" miller asked. "i'll be waiting for you. armed." i said. "play it smart girl." he said. "i'm jake's daughter. i don't have to play." i said. as soon as he menched catalina all three of us were up and packing. "catch me if you can." i said, before hanging up. i got into the speed boat and chucked the phone in to the water. we got into my car and drove to new jersey. "rilie!" my cousin yelled. "fame!" i yelled as i got out of the car. i hadn't seen my cousin in 12 years. "oh my god i missed you." she said. we hugged. "funny how a run in with the cops brings yah home." she said. i smiled. "aunt jade." i said giving her a hug. "hey uncle danny." i said. danny was my dads older brother. he's also better at keeping things hidden. "welcome home kid!" he said hugging me. i was born in jersey. when my dad died when i was six my mom moved me and blake to arazona. "i have to go back and show my face. i'll be back as soon as i can though." josh told danny. they shook hands. "thanks for bringing her home." he said. josh nodded. "i will be back." josh said to me. he spoke slowly and with sertinty. i nodded. danny's staff took our bags from the car. josh kissed my forehead got into my car and zoomed away. i stayed there for three weeks. i hadn't talked to, blake or kyler, scince forks. josh never called or came back i was starting to get worried. "what?" i asked as i opend the door. i was glad to find my acsent had come back a little. "josh!" i yelled. i jumped into his arms. he held me. stroking my hair and repetedly kissed my head. "whats going on?" i asked. "lets get inside." he said. "i got your case. they want to talk to you about what happend at the party." he said. i stiffened. josh sat back in his chiar. the chair craked under his weight. "wanna tell me what happened?" he asked. "i'm goo.." i said, to quickly. "you had nothing to do with the beating of that kid." he said. "you can go home. the cops just wanted to know if you wannted to press charges." he said. "that kid died, and was revied becuase of me." i said. "no." josh said. " i told someone what hapened at the party, and that someone told thier cousins, and the cousins beat the shit out of him." i said. josh leaned forward. "do you know who the beaters are?" he asked. "yes." i said. "who?" he asked. "i can't tell you." i said. "someone died, and you can't tell me who did it?" he asked. "he didn't die all the way." i said. "this is a big crime raylynn." danny said. i stayed quiet. "do you know where they are?" danny asked. i nodded once. "where?" he asked. i shook my head no. "look if you tell us where they are we wont tell them how we found them." josh said. "only me and that someone know. they'll know who told." i said. "who's the someone?" danny asked. i opened my mouth and snapped it shut. "yep your my brothers kid alright." danny said. "well if they just want to know if i want to press charges then i can go home." i said. "no you can't. your our only witness." josh said. "what you gonna turn me in?" i asked. "i have no chocie." josh said. i stood up. "i'll bring you back in the morning." he said. "dannny!" i objected. danny sighed. "would you let him take fame?" i asked. danny just stared at me. "nice." i siad. i went to my room. coltan stayed at a hotel. at midnight i would sneek out and pick him up. midnight rolled around. i grabed my bags and jumped out of my window. i looked around and ran to my car. i opened the door and through my stuff in. i got in but left my door open so i wouldn't wake anyone up. i put the car in drive, and let it roll down the street. when i was far enough away, i shut my door and put in the key. i drove to the hotel and banged on the door. " rilie?" coltan asked. "we have to go now." i said. "the cops on us?" he asked. "No. but danny and josh want to turn me in, because i know who beat the guy, so we need to leave before they find out im gone." i said. "where we going?" he asked. "alska." i said. we got into my car and drove to alska. we put my car on the farrie and rode the boat the rest of the way there. i knoked on the door to a not so familiar house. "how's house is this?" coltan asked. a girl answered the door. she rested agaist the door jam and lit a ciggaret. "well if it isn't little miss acid." she said. i pushed my way through the door. "look ice. i just need to stay here for a while untill things die down." i told her, once she heard the story. ice used to live in arazona untill she ran away from home becuase her step dad abused her. she was in a gang and they gave me acid as a nick name. "yeah sure." she siad. "you know i always have your back." she said. ice's real name is everah. "everah?" i asked as she went into the kitchen. "yeah, ri?" she asked. "how yah doing?" i asked. "well i'm living." she said whith a smile. "you still in the gang?" i asked. "no, they said i was a liability cause how young i was. they didn't want to get involved with the blues." she said. i took her hand. "come home with me." i begged. "can't babe." she said with a smile. "when everything dies down come back with me." i siad. she smiled. "i can't be saved." she wispered. "everyone can be helped." i siad. "i miss you." i said. she sniffed back a tear. she truned around, then turned back to me raping her arms around me. "i miss you." she said. i let out some air. i stayed there for three weeks. "phone." ice said, giving me the phone. "hello?" i asked. "oh god rilie!" a girl yelled. "you scared me!" she said. "how did you know to call ice." i said. "i thought you were dead!" she yelled. "fame!'' i said loud enough to get her attention. "huh?" she asked. "how did you know to call ice?" i asked. "your runnning out of places to hide rilie." she said. "does your dad know i'm here?" i asked. "no. they dropped the case." she said. "how can i trust you?" i asked. "your just going to have to." fame said. "i don't know if i can." i said. "who are you talking to?" danny asked. "no one," fame said. "hello?" danny asked. i froze. he let out some air. "rilie." he siad. "raylynn." he siad. "what?" i wispered. "you can come home now." he said. "how can i trust you. your my uncle and you where going to turn me in." i said. "your just going to have to." he siad. "your mom misses you and bake is worried call them. go home." he said. i hung up the phone. "they say it's safe to go home." i said. "you gonna do it?" she asked. "i think i have to." i said. looking at coltan. i hugged ice goodbye and thanked her. "damnit wait!" she yelled. "i know i might get caught but im coming with you." she said, jummping into my car. i turned in my seat and hugged her. ice's cell rang. "it's kyler." she said. " kyler what-" "dont come home it's a trick." he said. "thanks." i said. "i have to go, i love you." he said. " i love you too." i said. "blake what do i do?" i asked. "i told josh that you like to act. so he's running that buy the chief, i also told him your a compulsive liar and to not listen to a word you say." he said. "shit, nice!" i said. "thanks." he siad. "he's going to call me back so i need this line free." he said. "ok bye." i said. "hey rilie?" he asked. "yeah?" i asked. "i love you kid." he said. i smiled. "i love you back." i said. the line went dead. i told ice and coltan and we went back inside. " so i guess we just wait till, blake calls?" ice said. "yeah." i said. "this will work out acid just wait and see." she said. the next morning i took a well needed shower. "alright, so they beleived my sap story. you can come back, go to arazona first. they still want to question you about the party. they didn't beleive me on that part." he said. "i'm trusting you blake." i said. "good." he said. the line went dead. we got off the plain and went to the front of the air port. all my friends stood there, with a poster that said welcome home, rilie! "kyler!" i yelled. i ran to him rapping my legs around his waist. i took his face in my hands and gave him a kiss. "you keep that up and i think i'll start liking girls." he said. "shut up dork!" i said, hugging him. i got down. "hey let me go!" i yelled at the cops. kyler, ice, and coltan jumped on the cops. one cop got awayand shoved me into the car. he took me to the staion. "mom!" i yelled. i ran to her and hugged. "the truth. that's all they want." she said, smothing my hair. "he rapped me at a party. drop the charges and put him behind bars. can i leave now?" i asked. he wrote something down and nodded. "yes!" i said, punching the air. i hugged my mom. when we left, ice coltan and kyler where running up the stairs. "oh your free!" ice said, pulling me into a hug. "yeah, so i guess, i can go home now." i said. "home here, or home there?" kyler asked. i grabbed his hand. "home there. come with me. you and ice can stay with me, we can put you in school. you can meat jay. blake can get you a house mom. this is where i belong. Blake needs me." i said. "i'll call my dad." kyler said. "yeah, i guess i could move." mom said. " i'll be where you are." ice said. we hugged. "hey can we talk?" coltan asked. i followed him to the wall. when he turned to me, i kissed him. "i really like you." i said. "i like you to." he said. "no i really, really like you." i said. "i love you too." he said, kissing me. Publication Date: January 8th 2018 https://www.bookrix.com/-chalen

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-candy-williams-this-time/

candy williams this time he came back chapter one i was 13 when sammy left , we had just began dating and he moved away without telling me. i always wonder if i would ever forgive him because he was the only person i had besides from my little brother max . my father went to live with his other family when i was 12 and since then my mom is never around so i got to do whatever i want and thats how i ended up with mike my lovely boyfriend even though i am 16 and he is 21 we still have a pretty normal relationship other than when things get kinda rough. i have two friends and they are always there for me too. LEXY i heard my brother calling my name it was time for school and i was already late . what do you want i asked him don't you see me sleeping . sorry for bothering you he said ,i could hear his foot steps fading as he walk down the hallway. i got up took a shower and started shearing for some clothes am always looking sexy no matter what i wear. downstairs i caught my brother making breakfast which i didn't eat . i took a apple and left. chapter two my friend came to pick me up jasmine and carmen i took the front seat and we headed to school listening to jasmine brag about her new boyfriend. any plans carmen said as we pull in the school yard, yeah we can go to that park i've been hearing about , uhh sorry but i can't i'm busy . what you have not been hanging with us lately said carmen . i rolled my eyes and got out of the car i have a man now i said. while i was in class i got a call from mike he wanted me to come with away with him i can't i have a test coming up. mike: so the test is more important than me thats what you are saying me : no am just saying i can't skip class today . mike : and i say get you ass down here before i do something to you. me: ok uhh miss can i use the bathroom i ask since that was the only way i could leave. sure she replied . i walk out and saw mike waiting in the front , i got in the car and he was silent for i few seconds i told you not to diss me like that he said while smashing my face against the car window you bitch always dissing me , your hurting me i said , he drove off and went to a his house we gotinto his room and he told me to take my clothes off . i know i deserve what i got a while ago i said to my self i was the one who pissed him off. i took my clothes off and let him do what he alway did. chapter three i didn't make it back to school so mike left me at the bus stop . while i was there i saw some cute ass guys coming towards me there was one guy with braids in his hair and the other guy was cute too but damn i said to myself as they came over to where i was standing i tried not to stare too hard but i couldn't help it they were fine. LEXY the guy with the braids said , my heat started pounding , i turned around and looked real hard then i figured out who it was sammy i said unsure . yeah he said as he hug me real tight i've been thinking about you ever since i left he said . uuhhmm i said , ohh this is my friend alex he introduced me hi i said back so it nice to see you again i said . so you gonna give me your number he ask sure i said . while i was giving him my number i notice mike's car coming towards the bus stop that my ride i told them i got into the car and he drove away so thats what you do when am not around mike said angrily i was scared of what was gonna happen next you know what he said we are over he said as he open the door and pushed me out . i had bruses all over my skin . i took the bus and went home. when i got home and saw max doing his home work hey i said hey where have you been you are late i have been waiting he said . long story i so if you don't mine i am going to my room. chapter four i went upstairs took a shower and laid on my bed my phone rang it was carmen hey girl where were you today oh i left wit my man and guess who i saw today looking all fine and sweet who carmen asked sammy you mean your old boyfriend sammy yeh let me send you a picture of him and his friend . ok but wait are you gonna get back with him . if you you look at the picture you will know what i am thinking i told her . while i was waiting for carmen to call back , i got a call from sammy hey i said hey baby he said back me :baby??? sammy : i know you are mad at me leaving witout telling you and i am mad at me too but i was young and i as you can see am a grown man now. me: well i didn't think it was gonna be this easy but i forgive you sammy : thats the girl i know. so when can i see you again he ask me: well why would you want to see me don't you have a girlfriend sammy : what if i say you are the only girl i want me: ok see you tomorrow sammy:well i will come pick you up at 2 pm by the way you have any sexy friends like you that need a man me : i think i can help you with that anyway bye sammy: bye baby. chapter five hey carmen guess what , alex is looking for a girl and i think you are the perfect girl, are you serious me and alex am up for it . so can you get jasmine to stay with max while we are out with the guys . sure carmen said. i went to max's room hey bro you are gonna stay with jasmine today because i have some stuff to do . ok he said thats why i love you i said back . i was wearing a sexy dress that made my ass show i made my tall black hair into a bun i didn't have to put makeup on because i am natural beauty . i got a text message from sammy , he was outside so i grab my pruse and went outside where they were. hey sexy sammy said i could tell he was impressed by the way he was checking me out . alex was in the back seat so i went to the front. looking good . all i could do was smile and he knew by the look on my face that i was nervous . he look and smelled so good that i couldn't even talk. when we got to carmen house she was waiting in the front looking all good like she always did. i introduced her to alex and sammy and we headed to where they were taking us on our way we were talking , laughing , and making jokes alex and carmen where all up in each others face while me and sammy talk about the past . then i remember while we were leaving my house i could swear i saw mikes car , i heard my phone vibrate and it was sammy saying; am sorry for what i did the other day , i don't know what had gotten into me i'm missing you right now and i promise if you forgive me i will make it right. after reading the message i text carmen telling her she text back TURN YOUR PHONE OFF i didn't turn it off though . we arrive at a beach i was kinda disappointed until the sun started to set it was so beautiful and i was tempted by sammy i just wanted to get on top of him and do things that i shouldn't do., right then i felt his lips against mine a few seconds later i found myself on top of him wanting everything that was in his pants , but he stop . whats wrong i asked , no matter how much i would like to get it in i can't because i know you are not that type of girl and that not the type of girl am looking for . i smiled and sat there on the sand feeling cheap and thinking to myself , was i really thinking about having sex on the beach . my thoughts were interupped by by sammy it was time to go .when i got home he gave me a kiss and watched mye walk into my house. chapter six i got inside went to check on my mom and my brother they were bout asleep. i went to my room laid on my bed and started thinking about what had happened then my phone vibrated it was mike calling i didn't answer . there was 30 miss calls and six text message all from mike , i didn't even bother to read them. i was dating sammy for almost 2 months now and mike has been calling , texting and stacking me nonstop . i couldn't bother with his drama . i was not gonna ride with my friends this after noon and sammy was out working so i had to ride the bus . while i was walking out i saw mikes car , i tried to turn around and walk the other way but he already noticed me mike : you weren't answering your phone so i figured i would come here with this gift me: look i don't need you or your cheap ass gift OK i have move on so just leave me alone. mike : i told you to stop dissing me like that you hear me i came over here to apolagize to you with this gift and thats how you do me me: i don't really care if am dissing you or not you are not my man he started pulling closer to me , i tried to run but he grabbed my neck and push me against the wall i couldn't breath . then i heard a voice i couldn't tell what the person was saying but mike had let go off my neck . i woke up to my mom standing over me what happen she asked i don't know i lied mom can you give me a minute . ok baby she said leaving the room . it took a while before sammy spoke . who was he and don't lie to me i was thinking about lying but then i told the truth that he is my ex boyfriend who use to abuse me day by day. how can you keep something like that from me he is dangerous he could have hurt you. what were you doing here by the way . i wanted to surprise you. my door burst open are you OK carmen and jasmine said. alex was here too. am fine guys i said i was just getting ready to go to Sammy's house . so i talked to my girls and left with sammy. chapter seven sammy house was cleaner than i thought it would be i was amazed . you want something to drink . a water i said he brought me a water and we went into his room am gonna take a shower you want to come sure i said . we showered and came out looking for some clothes sammy came over to where i was pulled me close and asked , can i get it in now . he pushed me against the wall and kissed me . he started off slowly but then he speeded up i thought i was tough but damn he had me crying i told him to relax and let me do my thing but when i looked into his eyes i couldn't hold the tears back it was like my first time all over again his dick couldn't even fit it hurt so bad but still it felt so good that was one night i would never forget. i woke up in the morning and saw my baby looking at me just then i figured out how much i really loved him we talked he laugh about me bragging and still crying i didn't pay him any mine . he also convinced me to press charges against mike so when we left he house i did. chapter eight mike hasn't bother me since so every thing was pretty OK . carmen and alex were the perfect couple , my family was ok and i didn't cry any more during sex as a matter of fact sammy was the one who cried. Publication Date: August 4th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-kadailia.

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-shannon-jones-aka-brandonsgirl9951-not-anymore-why-does-these-dreams-keep-coming-back/

shannon jones aka brandonsgirl9951 not anymore why does these dreams keep coming back? why wont they stop? to anyone who kept having dreams about the same thing. Text: One day Emillys cat died, and she been having weired dreams about it. She dident know what to do. So she asked her mom and all she said, was the animals are trying to talk to you Emilly. Emilly dident understand how could that be? All rights reserved. Publication Date: December 7th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-brandonsgirl9951

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-imogen-walker-the-black-stallion/

Imogen Walker The black stallion Chapter 1 The noise of my parents fighting pierces my eardrums making me get anxious and frustrated, I look at them their facial expressions changing every second, the harsh words they say to each other when they say to me "Casey go to your room, dinner will be ready later" my mother says firmly. I slowly walk into my room I sit on my bed and look out the window the sound of anger lingering in my ears I look at the bush behind the house that has a large open area at the top where a few bitchy girls hang out sometimes hoping they aren't they I climb out of my window swiftly not making a sound. I creep up behind my house until I think that no one would hear me I start to run up the trail leading to the open plain on the top with lush green grass. I hear a twig snap in the bushes and look over from where I was sitting on a lonely log I squint and make out a large shape but can't quite see. The figure moves closer and I see that the figure makes out the shape of a large pure black horse with a prominent white blaze down the front of its face. I hear the hooves hit the ground at a lightning speed hearing the dirt flick up the black horse goes closer I say "hey boy, don't be scared" he nickers and flicks his head keeping distance. I decide to not pay attention to him he moves a step closer and I look up he flicks his head and running off through the grass leaving no sign of him I sigh and lay down on the log eventually falling asleep in the sunlight. I open my eyes the heat getting to me I look behind me and see the black horse in the distance he staring at me I look at my watch and see the time I run off copying him. I wake up the next morning bright and early before everyone else I get a few carrots and sneak out my window again running up the trail I look over the open plain and don't see him anywhere I start to worry a little but remembering he is wild, I look around and say " here boy!, I got a carrot for you" I hear a annoying chuckle behind me and look around and see Rebecca who is the best horse rider I'm town laughing at me, I say " get lost Rebecca". She laughs again and says " who are you talking too? Your little ghost horse because your parents can't afford for you to have your own?" I glare at her and say " Rebecca beat it, I didn't want you here so go" she let's off a smirk and says smartly " too bad it's the councils property and if I see that horse you are calling to I will get it shot" I stare at her and walk off a tear running down my cheek. I arrive home and sneak back into my bedroom and walk out into the kitchen no sound at all I sigh and make some breakfast for myself I hear some movement further down the house and see mum plodding her way towards me and says " Casey you are going to have to miss your lesson today, I know you only you only have one every fortnight but I don't have the money this week" she says dully. I look at her a sigh of relief covers my face, smiling at her and continuing making breakfast. I see dad walk out after i finish eating and look at me and give me a smile making a coffee and a tea for mum, i finish up and walk back into my room. I get out a pencil and paper and start to sketch the beautiful black stallion who was right in front of my eyes yesterday his white blaze reflecting off his black coat making him look handsome.   Chapter 2 Days past by and the black stallion has disappeared no sign of him, I start to loose hope but think I will try one more time, grabbing the freshly picked carrots and climbing through my window. I run up the trail sprinting hoping the black stallion would be there. I get to the top and look around and I squint and see him in the distance, I yell " here boy! Here boy! I have a carrot for you." Once again I hear the annoying chuckle of Rebecca's voice behind me, I glare at her and say " Rebecca why do you always have to torment me?, like I'm someone who kills people or something" she let's out a giggle and says " the only thing that is getting killed is that horse" I glare at her and step forward I turn around and see the black stallion galloping full speed towards us, Rebecca says well here he is trying to get around me, I move where she does knowing he is right behind me, she slaps me across the face and without knowing that the black stallion is right there. He rears up going towards her making her back away like a little kid, I stare up in shock,she screams "get that thing away from me!" I chuckle at her fear. She gets up quickly and sprints off no sign or her. The horse puts his two front feet back on the earth and I pull out carrot, he sniffs it nuzzling it. He grabs it and eats it, I smile and put my hand out to him, he puts his nose to it and bows his head a little. I slowly move my hand up his face patting him. I say to him follow me I run he canters behind me I take him down the trail and lead him to my house, putting him in one of the back paddocks and run inside closing the gate to mum and say "mum look!, she walks out and sees the black stallion gracefully eating the grass in the paddock, she stares at him in shock and says quietly "he is beautiful, how did he get here?" I say to her smirking "he followed me, can we keep him!, please please mum" I beg her my eyes wide. She smirks and puts her hand to her lips " he is beautiful, but how do you know you are going to be able to brake him in?" I say to her pleading " mum if we don't keep him, Rebecca said she will get him killed by the council!" She looks at me shocked her eyes wide open, " we can't let a horse like him get killed!, I guess we are going to keep him" she says seeing my facial expression change in an instant. I look at her and scream "thank you!!!" I grab her hand and run out to the paddock her trailing behind. She stands behind the fence, I walk in and say calming words walking up to him he puts his nose in my hand and nuzzles it, I smile and out my other hand on his fore head he moves his head up. I say to mum excitedly "watch this!" I start to run down the paddock he canters behind me I slow down and he trots behind me nickers and he flicks his head. I stop and he stops behind me placing his head just by my shoulder, I look over to mum and smile. She says " that's quite impressive" she says winking. I smile and face him staring into his dark eyes the sun making his fur shine, I slowly raise my hand and trace my finger down his blaze gracefully.   Chapter 3 A few days have passed and I finally decide on the name Sampson for our newest black stallion. I walk into the old tack room, cob webs overtaking I look around and spot the lunge lead and I walk out and open the rusty gate and walk in, he looks up and nickers and keeps eating. I grab the end of the lunge lead and pick it up and stand behind his front shoulder and slowly swing it he moves a little I move with him making him go around in a circle. I swing it a little faster wanting to see his reaction he turns and jumps at me, I chuckle and push him more he throws out a buck but gets into a little trot. I swing the rope a little closer and he turns again, I say sternly "no" staring him down. He stares back challenging me I swing the rope he jumps a little towards me, " I say woo boy" pushing him back out with the lunge lead. He trots around he prances I smile leaving my arm spread out pushing him along. I let him go into a walk and I say to him calmly " woo up boy." I drop the lunge lead and walk up too him giving him a pat and a carrot I had in my back pocket. I say cheerfully " good boy today! You done well" patting him on the forehead.  I put the lunge lead back into the tack room and skip inside cheerfully and say to mum and dad " I got Sampson to lunge! And he trotted too!" I look at them cheerfully seeing smiles spread across their faces. Dad says excitedly "that's really good Casey, I think if you put time into him he will be a good horse" I smile and agree with him walking back out the door into the paddock. I sit on the grass and watch him gracefully eating, I look at my watch and see that it is around 5pm I get up and got to the tack shed getting his feed ready, mixing it up I water it down and walk into the paddock he gallops over and stops putting his head in the bucket. I close the gate and watch him eat for awhile admiring his stunning looks when I see in the distance a truck on the side saying " ranger" I squint and read it quickly calling mum and dad. I see mum and dad walking fast out to me I look at them and the to the truck following my eyes they see it and say " did that girl call them?!" I look at them worry covering my face, the truck works it's way closer to where we are standing and comes up right beside us and stops the man in the front looks down at us. My dad says to him politely " do we have a problem sir?" The man opens the door and steps down off the truck and says "I have had complaints about a wild horse that has been roaming the area, have you seen it?" I quickly look over at Sampson and back the the man standing in front of us. " No I haven't seen one around lately, but if I do I will surely give you a call?" My dad says confidently. The man looks around and spots our horse and says " is he yours?" I quickly reply and say yes he is ours staring at him worried. He let's out a sigh and says " I really hate when young er the community's ring up comparing and nothing is here, thank you for your time" he says smiling and gets back into the trick and drove off. Chapter 4 The sound of my alarm buzzes my ears, waking me up too darkness. I look at the time and it reads 5:00am I roll over and rub my eyes getting up out of bed and putting my dressing gown on, slowly walking out to the paddock. Sampson looks over and nickers greeting me I open the gate up and I walk up to him and give him a good pat and a fresh carrot. I whisper in his ear " yesterday was a close one, lucky you weren't still wild boy you would have been taken" I walk back to the tack room and mix up a feed for him carrying the bucket out and putting it in the paddock the smell of copra lingering the air. He trots over and shoves his mouth into the bucket eating away at the grains. I go and grab my grooming kit and I walk over to him slowly putting my hand on his back and rub it slowly I place the brush on him his back tenses and I talk to him calmly. I slowly glide the brush over his back and rump getting all the excess hair and dirt off him. I run it down his legs and under his stomach. I grab a mane brush and brush down is mane pull the knots out. I grab his tail slowly and pull it around the the side his thick black hair running down my leg I brush it knots everywhere I say to him " we better have a grooming session aye?" He keeps eating moving the bucket with his mouth. I look at my watch and it reads 6:00am I take the brush away and give him a kiss on the neck and tell him i will see him soon and put the grooming set back in the tack room and walk inside. I make myself some breakfast and then go and get ready for school the time going fast. I grab my school bag and put it I over my shoulder and yell " bye mum, bye dad" and walk out. I look over at Sampson and say " I will see you this afternoon, mum will give you some hay later, have a good day boy" and I walk to the end of the driveway and wait for my school bus. I arrive at school and the first person I see is my best friend Alice I walk up too her a smile spreading across my face I say "have a guess what?!" She looks at me and says " what?" I giggle and say " I got my own horse!!" She looks at me shocked and says " you are so lucky!, you didn't come to lessons last week?" I smile my cheeks going red I say quietly " yeah I couldn't mum and dad were fighting and yeah but I will be coming next week for sure." She says excitedly " what type, gender, colour, tell me everything!" I look at her and smirk and say " well this horse isn't your normal school horse, how can I put it he is from the wild." She looks at me stunned and confusion fills her eyes, " what?, why would you get a wild horse that you are going to have to brake in?" I look at her and tell her what happened with the Sampson and she listened intently and understood me. She says enthusiastically " I am coming over to see him!, can I catch the bus home with you?" I reply " that should be fine, mum will be home anyway." I sit down to eat lunch with my usual group, we start chatting and I soon feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn around and look up and see Rebecca standing there. I say to her "what do you want?" Giving her no expression. She looks at me and says "you do realise that your good for nothing horse will never be worth anything or good at pony club, all it is good for is dog meat." I look at her in shock and stand up and say to her sternly "don't you ever say that about him again! How would you know if he is good or not? And I don't really care if he isn't, I'm not a competitive brat like you are with your little 10,000 dollar pony and your snobby arse." She looks at me and gives me a death stare she says smartly "we will see who wins the show? I bet it won't be your stupid horse!" She walks off and I yell "we will see." I sit back down and look at my friends they reassure me and I say "I don't really care about her because all she can do is make other people feel bad, and she always has too be centre of attention so she is dead to me."  Chapter 5 I arrive home with Alice walking up my street she spots Sampson and says "he is beautiful!" Running up my driveway over to the fence, I run behind her and he spots me and nickers loudly running over he throws out a buck excitedly. I stand by the fence and he comes up to it I pat his forehead and say "how was your day boy?, meet Alice she is my friend from school she isn't nasty like Rebecca" I watch as Alice puts her hand out to him he nuzzles it and licks her hand she smiles and moves her hand up patting his white blaze. She looks at me and says "he is so friendly, I can't  wait until you can ride him!" I look at her and say " yeah today I am going to try and put a halter on him and lead him around." We walk into the house and I put my bag in my bedroom and greet mum Alice following me. I walk back outside and quickly grab a halter and a carrot and walk into the paddock. Alice waits outside the gate waiting for me to see his reaction. I walk up to him and give him a good pat and say "good boy, I'm just going to put a halter on you,it's  not going to hurt you trust me" I get the halter into position and slid it over his nose he walks back a little, I whisper to him calming words. I clip the top bit up and let him free he shakes his head and runs up to the fence, shaking his head around trying to get it off. I walk back up to Alice and say " you can come see him if you want?" She opens the gate and walks inside the paddock I quickly go to the tack room and grab a lead rope and lunge rope walking back into the paddock. I look at Alice and Sampson she patting him, a smile spread across her face. I leave them for a moment knowing that she has always wanted a horse of her own and never being able to get one. I grab the lunge rope and walk up too them I say "sorry to ruin the moment" Alice replies smiling " it's alright go ahead" she walks back a little and I attach the lunge rope too his halter. He feels the sudden weight of it and walks back throwing his head I say "here boy it's alright" calming him down. I swing the end of the lunge rope trying to get him to walk on, he walks around in a circle. I push him more and he goes to run at me, I stand holding my ground and push him out again getting him into a trot. I make him go faster, I spin in circles as he fast trots around me I push a little more and he goes into a canter. I say happily "good boy!" Smiling at him he canters around in a circle smoothly.  I stop him and softly tug on the rope he slowly walks towards me and I praise him. I say to Alice "would you like a turn?" She looks at me and says quickly "sure" taking hold of the lead rope. I say to her before she begins, "he might try to run at you but don't be scared, just hold your ground and push him back out" she nods and starts to swing the rope. I look at him and seeing that he is testing her, she pushes him more and glides into a trot, prancing around on the grass. I see the sweat rising on his coat making him a darker black, she pushes him a little and he stops and try's to run at her. She hesitates buts stands her ground,I watch and see that she pushes him out again. She gets him into a canter and canters him around, sweat dripping from him, she stops and walks up to him praising him. She hands me the lunge rope and says "he is so good,considering he was completely wild a couple of weeks ago, I think he is going to be so good to ride" I smile at her and look at Sampson his breathe on my shoulder. I see my dad pull into the drive away and say out the window, "he's sweaty, go give him a drink" Chapter 6 The morning arises when I hear chatter in the distance, I get up and peek out my back window and see Rebecca there with some other girl patting Sampson! I run out and say "what so you think you are doing!" She looks around and chuckles and says "I'm just giving your horse some affection" i push her away "well he doesn't need any from you anyway" I retort as she gives me a death stare and walks off. I look at Sampson and run my finger up his white blaze and say " I will get you your feed in a second" feeling my nudge my hand. I walk back to the paddock carrying his bright blue bucket along with a pick in my hand. He trots over to me and I hand him the food, I say "I'm just going to try and pick your feet out, you will be alright" I slowly put my hand down his leg and squeeze and he lifts it. I grab it but he tries to kick it forward I say "no!" In a harsh voice picking out the remainder dirt in his feet. I walk back inside and hear my mum say "we better take you and Sampson to pony club so you can ride him there?" I look around my face glowing " yes we should but how are we going to get him on a float?" I say hoping she has a answer. She looks at me and looks around for something when she says "dad has a friend who can put him on a float he is coming around today" I smile and say "I really hope he doesn't play up too much" frowning a little.We drive in our ford territory with a double horse float on the back, I look out the window and look around at the float checking Sampson in the float.  We turn into the drive way I look over and see my best friend Alice riding Pepper her stock horse in the arena. We come to a stop and I get out and slowly open up the float door and walk up beside Sampson and untie him backing him out of the float. He looks around and nickers, Alice notices me and stops and quickly jumps off running over to the side of the fence tying up Pepper. My mum walks into the office as I walk him into the arena, I say to Alice excitedly "I'm putting a saddle on him today!" She looks at me and smiles replying "he's gonna go so good here!." I see mum walking over with the president, as she grabs my saddle the president named Linda says confidently "where did you get him from?" I look at her and say "the wild" trailing off. She looks at me and says picking up her tone "he is going to be crazy!, how are you going to be able to ride him here at shallow halls?" I say quietly, "he will be fine, don't stress ms." She looks at me wide eyed doubting me and walks off as mum enters the arena. I hold out the saddle blanket to him and let him sniff it carefully. I slid it onto his back he looks around at it his eyes tilting a little back. I calm him and apply some pressure onto his back as if someone would get up. I then slide the saddle onto his back gently and do the girth up on the first hole, letting it hang loosely around his waist. I lunge him for a while doing the girth up tighter and tighter until it is just right. I put the stirrups down and place one foot in the stirrup applying some pressure as my mum holds him. I swing up slowly and slide my other foot in. I get my mum to lead me around the arena slowly and carefully I stay focus on him. Publication Date: April 26th 2014 https://www.bookrix.com/-ti0ff4ee428eb25

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-bria-grant-sybastian-039-s-slave-toy/

Bria Grant Sybastian's Slave Toy The Characters SYBASTIAN: This guy invented the word trouble maker. He;s always picking on Anna. Why?... Quote: "AN-NA-MEL-IA, I-DI-OT, BRA-IN DE-AD GI-RL, whatever you want, just come on, THE BUS IS HERE!" ANNAMELIA: They say all red-heads are smart, but once you meet, Annn..lia you think not. Quote: "... don’t call me that! Its way too long! I said ANNA! Call me ANNA. Say it with me 'ANN-A!' Jeez…" CYNTHIA: This Lolita goth girl does not play. She's a hero to Anna, but she is so different from Anna. There's something fishy going on here. Quote: "A costume. For a costume party." Ronny is a sports fanatic, he may not be the captain of the football team, but he's Sybastian's right hand man, even though he doesn't want to be. He's always so close to Annamelia. oh, goodness...here comes the drama Qoute: He doesn't really have a cool funny quote, yet, all he does is fondle butts. Publication Date: August 17th 2011 https://www.bookrix.com/-cosmicdoodle

https://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-candy-williams-girls/

candy williams girls its complicated chapter one i just moved to manchester with my parents and my sisters KIELY and KIM my name is shawn and am 16 years old , girls are always over me and its been good . am going to this new school here , i went to check it out yesterday and the girls were sexy , anyway enough about that . lets talk about my family . my mom kelly is the best mom in the world but she still want to treat me like a baby which am not . my dad steven is the man he always talk to me about girls a stuff and help me to grow into a man , and then there's my two sister KIELY that is 9 and KIM is 13 we have our problem , like they never leave the bathroom and they always say things about me IN FRONT of my girls BUT OTHER THAN THAT ITS ALL GOOD and i love them they are my girl . chapter two wake up you EDIOT my KIM said your late and am going to school with you , i picked some clothes out and went to the bathroom i got ready and me and KIM went to get the car when we arrived at school all eyes were on us cause you know my sister was look all good and i was looking sexy as usual and at that moment i know that i was gonna be the man around here.i walk into the school it was already time to go to class i hugged my kim and then i saw some other girls looking and rolling their eyes at her she just kept smiling. i went to class the teacher interduced me and i sat down . i looked at the girl next to me and bite my lips and she was blushing i was just playing around though because she is not my type .i couldn't believe when it was time for lunch it came so fast or maybe it was because i was asleep. i do not eat so i just sat in the lunch room listening to music and checking some girls out then came this girl ,long hair , pretty face , nice ass and the right size , hi she said my name is carmen , my name is shawn i am new around here i said , i can see that she replied can i sit with you ? why not i said . damn i said to myself am really feeling this girl she is so hot she wanted to hangout after school so i was totally up for it . after school i met with my sister and told her i was going to hang out with a friend how do you do that she said and walked away . chapter three i had fun with carmen while hanging out i learned a lot of things about her but i can't stay all those things . i walked her home and she kissed me i had a feeling she needed more so while she was walking away i put my hands in my pocket and bite my lip she turned around come here i said , i stand still with my hands in my pocket she started to kiss me again i put my hands around her waist and looked her in the eyes and said dont acting shy babe , i felt her shaking i knew it felt good so i kissed her on the lips and walked away. i went home to my mom yelling about me being home late and i have only been out by myself for a day i hugged her and laugh but she still didn't spot yelling. i ate some food , took a shower and went to my room and started thinking about what happen i started to feel guilty because it was my first day with her , i called her , me: hi what's up babe? carmen :hi i just had a shower and now am shearing for some under wear me: that sounds sexy i wish i was there to help you search . carmen : me too. hey my moms coming talk to you tomorrow OK. me: OK i hang up the phone and started thinking about weather am ready or not . chapter five when i arrived at school in the morning girls were all over me i even got some phone numbers , when i saw my girl she was looking so fly i held her by the waist and kissed her , couple people were staring but i didn't really care . in talent class i was sitting beside this sexy chick i guess she must be really checking me out to se my tattoo nice tattoo she said thank you i replied it was a poem on my chest any she started to touch me on my leg hey i am already taken she looked at me and rolled her eyes i just smiled. at lunch a couple of my homeboys that i knew from way back came to see me we fool around for a little and then they left i saw my girl from across the room i sent her text message telling her to come over so she did we started talking but i couldn't stop looking at her ass , hey she said don't be looking at my butt when i'll be talking to you , sorry i said with a kiss he smiled and walk back to her friends . she was always shy and shaking when she was around me , but i can,t blame her i was way too sexy . after school a got a text message from carmen asking if i wanted to hangout i replied no because because my sister needed my help with some boy problem , OK she said , i hugged my sister and walked home . when i got home i put my book bag on the floor , what the problem now i ask, can you believe jake want to break up with me because am living here i mean i though we had something you know what i mean she said , you just got to think about it its hard for him not seeing you am i think it getting to him,i said my hand is gonna get to your head if you don't stop talking to her about boys mom said, i smiled and went up to my room when carmen called me . you had fun she said , what are you talking about i ask i saw you with your girl , look carmen that was my sister i had to help her with some problems are you jelous ? why would i be she ask , i don,t know can i see you tonight i asked sure she said. chapter six me and carmen has been seeing each other for about two mounts now and its been going real good and even seeing her tonight . KIELY can you get out the bathroom i have to go and you are taking too long . i can't wait until you leave, you nukkle head KIELY said. she always act grown but i got bigger thing to deal with right now. i took a shower put some clothes on and went to carmen 's house her parents was out she took me to her room i was about to say something when she said SHHHHHHHHHH and started undressing me i just stood there and let her do her thing when she was done i started undressing her , i could tell it was her first time , so i decided to take it slow i kissed her slowely she was shaking i told her to trust me she laid on the bed and i did what i had to do . i took a while to stop but i didn't to go all the way because i didn't want carmen to feel uncomfortable on her first time , i looked her into the eyes and kissed her she smiled and i hugged her from behind , was i good she asked you were perfect i said she laughed kiss me on the lips. chapter seven at school the other day i saw carmen and she was crying , what's wrong i asked you one of her friend said because of you all the girls are talking about her i thought you didn't care about that well you just found out i do , we are over shawn she said and walked away its almost a mount and still she hasn't answer my calls or replied to my text massages i was starting to thing that this was a joke how can someone be so childish i sure couldn't get over her but i had to move on to get my mine straight . i went to mcdonal with my sisters while i was placing my oder i saw carmen i asked KIM to finish up for me i went over to where carmen was sitting can i talk to i said to her ummu sure she said . me : how are you just gonna not answer my calls or replies to my text carmen: am sorry i guess i was just scared me: scared of what carmen: i don,t know , please stop shouting me : stop crying its just that your are acting like a child carmen : your still shouting i wasn't ready for the whole relationship thing its kin of new to me and after we had sex i didn't know what to say to you me:you didn't have to say anything i held her by the waist and started kissing kissing her i felt when she started unzipping my pants remember you in Mcdolnals i said she laugh and we went back in side my sisters already finished eating i took them home and went to carmen 's house her parents were home she interduces me to and we talked for a bit they left , we got up to her room and we started argue checking some girl out but she was to fine i was her smooth legs , shhhhhhhhhhhhhh and let me do what i do. Publication Date: July 18th 2012 https://www.bookrix.com/-kadailia.