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<s>[INST] [/INST] So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits. If it’s unobserved it will, however, if it’s observed after it’s left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits. </s> |
<s>[INST] Agreed, what’s your point? [/INST] There’s no point, I just think it’s a good idea for a tee-shirt. </s> |
<s>[INST] Excuse me? [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabakov, twenty-six across is MCM, fourteen down is… move your finger… phylum, which makes fourteen across Port-au-Prince. See, Papa Doc’s capital idea, that’s Port-au-Prince. Haiti. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Yes. Um, is this the High IQ sperm bank? [/INST] I think this is the place. </s> |
<s>[INST] Thank-you. We’ll be right back. [/INST] Leonard, I don’t think I can do this. </s> |
<s>[INST] What, are you kidding? You’re a semi-pro. [/INST] No. We are committing genetic fraud. There’s no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring, think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers. </s> |
<s>[INST] Sheldon, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment. [/INST] I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads, but there’s some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler who doesn’t know if he should use an integral or a diff... |
<s>[INST] I’m sure she’ll still love him. [/INST] I wouldn’t. </s> |
<s>[INST] Well, what do you want to do? [/INST] I want to leave. </s> |
<s>[INST] Okay. [/INST] What’s the protocol for leaving? </s> |
<s>[INST] I don’t know, I’ve never reneged on a proffer of sperm before. [/INST] Let’s try just walking out. </s> |
<s>[INST] Okay. [/INST] Bye-bye </s> |
<s>[INST] See you. [/INST] Are you still mad about the sperm bank? </s> |
<s>[INST] No. [/INST] You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs? </s> |
<s>[INST] Not really. [/INST] If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimetres, most people will trip. </s> |
<s>[INST] I don’t care. Two millimetres? That doesn’t seem right. [/INST] No, it’s true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, my father broke his clavicle. </s> |
<s>[INST] Is that why they sent you to boarding school? [/INST] No, that was the result of my work with lasers. </s> |
<s>[INST] New neighbour? [/INST] Evidently. </s> |
<s>[INST] Significant improvement over the old neighbour. [/INST] Two hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition, yes she is. </s> |
<s>[INST] Hi. [/INST] Hi. </s> |
<s>[INST] Hi. [/INST] Hi. </s> |
<s>[INST] We don’t mean to interrupt, we live across the hall. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Oh… uh… no… we don’t live together… um… we live together but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Leonard, Sheldon. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Hi. [/INST] Hi. </s> |
<s>[INST] Hi. Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Oh, great. [/INST] Great. </s> |
<s>[INST] Great. Well, bye. [/INST] Bye. </s> |
<s>[INST] Bye. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Should we have invited her for lunch? [/INST] No. We’re going to start Season Two of Battlestar Galactica. </s> |
<s>[INST] We already watched the Season Two DVDs. [/INST] Not with commentary. </s> |
<s>[INST] I think we should be good neighbours, invite her over, make her feel welcome. [/INST] We never invited Louis-slash-Louise over. </s> |
<s>[INST] Well, then that was wrong of us. We need to widen our circle. [/INST] I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on myspace. </s> |
<s>[INST] Yes, and you’ve never met one of them. [/INST] That’s the beauty of it. </s> |
<s>[INST] I’m going to invite her over. We’ll have a nice meal and chat. [/INST] Chat? We don’t chat. At least not offline. </s> |
<s>[INST] Well it’s not difficult, you just listen to what she says and then you say something appropriate in response. [/INST] To what end? </s> |
<s>[INST] Hi. Again. [/INST] Hi. </s> |
<s>[INST] Hi. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Anyway, um. We brought home Indian food. And, um. I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I’m undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect. Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don’t have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry ab... |
<s>[INST] Uh, yes. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Great. [/INST] Well, today we tried masturbating for money. </s> |
<s>[INST] Okay, well, make yourself at home. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] You’re very welcome. [/INST] Actually that’s my work. Yeah, well, it’s just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part there, that’s just a joke, it’s a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation. Yeah. </s> |
<s>[INST] I have a board. If you like boards, this is my board. [/INST] If by holy smokes you mean a derivative restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men’s room at MIT, sure. </s> |
<s>[INST] What? [/INST] Oh, come on. Who hasn’t seen this differential below “here I sit broken hearted?” </s> |
<s>[INST] At least I didn’t have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out. [/INST] I didn’t invent them, they’re there. </s> |
<s>[INST] In what universe? [/INST] In all of them, that is the point. Um, Penny, that’s where I sit. No, I sit there. What’s the difference? </s> |
<s>[INST] Here we go. [/INST] In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it’s directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discou... |
<s>[INST] Just sit somewhere else. [/INST] Fine. (Wanders in circles, looking lost.) </s> |
<s>[INST] Sheldon, sit! [/INST] Aaah! </s> |
<s>[INST] Well this is nice. We don’t have a lot of company over. [/INST] That’s not true. Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over all the time. </s> |
<s>[INST] Yes I now, but… [/INST] Tuesday night we played Klingon boggle until one in the morning. </s> |
<s>[INST] Yes, I remember. [/INST] I resent you saying we don’t have company. </s> |
<s>[INST] I’m sorry. [/INST] That is an antisocial implication. </s> |
<s>[INST] I said I’m sorry. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Yeah, it’s like regular boggle but, in Klingon. That’s probably enough about us, tell us about you. [/INST] Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of your birth somehow effects your person... |
<s>[INST] I think what Sheldon’s trying to say, is that Sagittarius wouldn’t have been our first guess. [/INST] That’s interesting. Leonard can’t process corn. </s> |
<s>[INST] Wu-uh, do you have some sort of a job? [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Oh, okay. I love cheesecake. [/INST] You’re lactose intolerant. </s> |
<s>[INST] I don’t eat it, I just think it’s a good idea. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] So it’s based on your life? [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Well, if that was a movie I would go see it. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Well it sounds wonderful. [/INST] It took you four years to get through High School? </s> |
<s>[INST] Don’t. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Should I say something? I feel like I should say something. [/INST] You? No, you’ll only make it worse. Yes. </s> |
<s>[INST] No, it’s not crazy it’s, uh, uh, it’s a paradox. And paradoxes are part of nature, think about light. Now if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments, but then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles too. Well, I didn’t make it wors... |
<s>[INST] Our shower works. [/INST] Yes. </s> |
<s>[INST] No. [/INST] No? </s> |
<s>[INST] No. [/INST] No. </s> |
<s>[INST] It’s right down the hall. [/INST] Well this is an interesting development. </s> |
<s>[INST] How so? [/INST] It has been some time since we’ve had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment. </s> |
<s>[INST] That’s not true, remember at Thanksgiving my grandmother with Alzheimer’s had that episode. [/INST] Point taken. It has been some time since we’ve had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn’t want to rip our eyes out. </s> |
<s>[INST] The worst part was watching her carve that turkey. [/INST] So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? </s> |
<s>[INST] Excuse me? [/INST] That woman in there’s not going to have sex with you. </s> |
<s>[INST] Well I’m not trying to have sex with her. [/INST] Oh, good. Then you won’t be disappointed. </s> |
<s>[INST] What makes you think she wouldn’t have sex with me, I’m a male and she’s a female? [/INST] Yes, but not of the same species. </s> |
<s>[INST] I’m not going to engage in hypotheticals here, I’m just trying to be a good neighbour. [/INST] Oh, of course. </s> |
<s>[INST] That’s not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop that I wouldn’t participate. However briefly. [/INST] Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker no-more-tears shampoo? </s> |
<s>[INST] It’s Darth Vader shampoo. (There is a knock on the door.) Luke Skywalker’s the conditioner. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] See what? [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] This is not a good time. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] That’s great, you guys have to go. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] It’s just not a good time. [/INST] Leonard has a lady over. </s> |
<s>[INST] No. And she’s not a lady, she’s just a new neighbour. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Uh-huh. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] I’m not anticipating coitus. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Can we please stop saying coitus? [/INST] Technically that would be coitus interruptus. </s> |
<s>[INST] Come on, I’ll show you the trick with the shower. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Save it for your blog, Howard. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Uh, there it goes, it sticks, I’m sorry. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] You’re welcome, oh, you’re going to step right, okay, I’ll…. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] The hair products are Sheldon’s. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] A favour? Sure, you can ask me a favour, I would do you a favour for you. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Oh, I’ll probably say yes. [/INST] </s> |
<s>[INST] Wow. [/INST] I really think we should examine the chain of causality here. </s> |
<s>[INST] Must we? [/INST] Event A. A beautiful woman stands naked in our shower. Event B. We drive half way across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman’s ex-boyfriend. Query, on what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events? </s> |
<s>[INST] She asked me to do her a favour, Sheldon. [/INST] Ah, yes, well that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher level distal cause. </s> |
<s>[INST] Which is? [/INST] You think with your penis. </s> |
<s>[INST] That’s a biological impossibility and you didn’t have to come. [/INST] Oh, right, yes, I could have stayed behind and watched Wolowitz try to hit on Penny in Russian, Arabic and Farsi. Why can’t she get her own TV. </s> |
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