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He nearly drown in his own tea pee.
Did you hear about the Native American man that drank 200 cups of tea?
1
Mycheexarphlexin
What's the best anti diarrheal prescription?
2
Matt
What do you call a person who is outside a door and has no arms nor legs?
3
Jean-Luc Pickacard
Which Star Trek character is a member of the magic circle?
4
A bullet doesn't miss Harambe
What's the difference between a bullet and a human?
5
He was having a mid-life crisis
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
6
One shucks between fits...
What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a hooker with dysentery?
7
Kevin Durant or Bernie Sanders?
Who is 2016's biggest sellout?
8
Because the shark burped.
Why is little Annie's shoe floating in the sea?
9
A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!
What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?
10
Because the sentences usually end with periods.
Why are there so many blood cells in female prisons?
11
Dimitree
What do you call a russian tree?
12
Egg zactly!
How do you call it when an egg is on point?
13
A retail store.
Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one?
14
One shucks between fits
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?
15
He pulled a muscle
Did you hear about the oyster who went to the ball?
16
They eat whatever bugs them.
Why are frogs so happy?
17
Press the red button.
How do you turn an Indian woman on?
18
I'd better not. You might get carried away.
Shall I tell you the joke about the kidnappers?
19
Well then, you're a gay fish.
Do you like fish sticks?
20
Let's just be cousins.
What did the 2 rednecks say after breaking up?
21
The Pizza doesn't scream when I put it in the oven.
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
22
Q: Why does Santa have three gardens? A: So he can "hoe, hoe, hoe."
Why does Santa have three gardens?
23
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
24
They were yelling "Bach Bach Bach Bach"
Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
25
A sunken chest with no booty.
What is a pirate's worst nightmare?
26
Because attachments are forbidden.
Why can't you e-mail a photo to a Jedi?
27
I don't know either. It must be out-of-this-world.
What will happen if you went inside a black hole?
28
The Rooster
Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?
29
They're both ready to eat you
What's common between a good boyfriend and a lion?
30
I don't know. That's just the way it's spelled.
Who put semen in the basement?
31
Slow down and apply lube
What do you do when your wife starts smoking?
32
Never mind. you won't get it, and I won't care
Want to hear a joke about UDP?
33
Person 2:They're doctors, what do your parents do? 1: They beat me with pool sticks. 2: Oh, they must be really good at billiards.
[OC] Person 1: What do your parents do?
34
Dragons, because they're always spittin' fire.
What species are the best rappers?
35
Leave my presents
What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?
36
Three wars
What is statistically three times worse than a war?
37
A receding line.
What do you call a row of three hares hopping backward?
38
It isn't going cheep.
I've got a dead budgie for sale, anyone interested?
39
Black Lives Matter Edit1: No Im not targeting black people, or people with actual Down syndrome, just that group
What is the politically correct name for "African Americans with Down Syndrome" group?
40
Because he was outstanding in his field
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
41
5 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
42
If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.
What is a NYC nanosecond?
43
The Cis-Teen Chapel
Where do Tumblr users go to pray?
44
A: That one in the middle thinks he's hard.
Q: What did the left leg say to the right leg?
45
Your Guns N' Toeses I'll see myself out.
What's below your sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na knees?
46
A: Sexually B: Sexually C: Sexually
How do Humans Reproduce?
47
Nun chucks.
How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?
48
He uses the finest ingredients.
Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?
49
The Orange has thick skin and people actually like it.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?
50
He heard it was a great line of work.
Why did the man apply for the job at the Model T factory?
51
Its hard
How is life as a virgin?
52
She's a transparent.
Why can't Caitlyn Jenner lie to her kids?
53
Goes to a retail store to find another one.
What does a dog do when it loses it's tail?
54
They have to give the donkey a break.
Why don't Mexicans take drivers Ed and sex Ed on the same day?
55
Sure, we've sold it to royalty Princesses? Mate, it prints ALL the letters!
Is this InkJet any good?
56
It had connections.
Why was the Router released early from prison?
57
Huge Jackman
Whats the name of a bodybuilder whose a fan of the X-Men?
58
No hard feelings.
What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?
59
They're making headlines everywhere.
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
60
Well, it's hard to even count, I will just give you a range of about how many. The range is <1.
Guess how many girlfriends I have right now?
61
Christopher Walken
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
62
If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.
What does a pencil have in common with marijuana?
63
They always take things literally.
Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
64
Cancer evolves, a Brazilian doesn't.
What is the difference between cancer and a Brazilian?
65
Eggs actually get laid.
What's the difference between OP and eggs?
66
An Aflacco
What do you get when you mix an insurance company with an NFL quarterback?
67
Too Mennonite
Do you know why the Amish girl was excommunicated?
68
Nothing
What's the difference between someone unemployed and a gender-expert?
69
No Beef Stew at all
What's better than Norwegian Beef Stew?
70
Thanks for the gold!
What do pirates say when they find buried treasure?
71
They both said they were just going to the store
What do my dad and Carly Rae Jepsen have in common?
72
Can't we just let Argonne's be Argonne's?
What did the American WWI vet say to the angry German veteran?
73
They don't. They just beat the room for being black.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
74
A wet nose
What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
75
Slippers
What do you call two bananas?
76
I don't even like pegging.
why do nice girls always go for the assholes?
77
Where's my tractor?
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
78
Redditors can’t take a joke.
What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
79
Finding a place to put the wheelchairs.
What's the worst part about eating vegetables?
80
Fart
What should you do when people talk behind your back?
81
Kia Kia Kia
What's Desiigner's favorite car?
82
Deer Nuts. Beer Nuts are $1.49, while Deer nuts are under a Buck!
What's cheaper, Beer Nuts or Deer Nuts?
83
The swallow.
If the bird of peace if the dove, what's the bird of love?
84
A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
85
But Kuwait, there's more!
What do they say in every infomercial in Kuwait?
86
Tony
What do you call a man with no shin ?
87
He got AIIIIIDS.
Why did Fonzie stop sleeping around?
88
Give him a tampon and ask what period its from.
How to you embarrasses an archaeologist?
89
The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.
Why'd the vulture check his bag?
90
They don't like getting sand in their crack.
Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?
91
I hear it's the prequel to Maroon 5.
Is anyone seeing Rouge 1 this week?
92
The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?
93
Troll husband : It kinda is, ill adjust the AC.
Wife:Isn't hot in here hun?
94
Dave promptly burst into tears as not everyone in the world knew Dave.
Knock knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who?
95
Makkah-roni and cheese!
What did Mohammad eat while in the Holy Land?
96
G- Pretty well, Do you want me to walk you back? B- walk me back? G- to the friendzone you just tried to escape.
Boy to Girl- Hi Sweetheart, How is your day going?
97
Their ankles
What were the last things going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
98
Because it has a little Seoul in it.
Why do black people like Korean food?
99
Boba Fat
What do you call an overweight bounty hunter?
100