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Dr. Courtney Chellew

Ankit Bagai

GMT20230131_DCC_1045

you know,

DCC

0.00-22.78

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Like, right after that, it didn't lift. Yeah, well, it did go away, but it took a week or two. So it went away in detail. So what happened because of the psychosis? Like, what was your primary symptoms? It was really, I thought people talking. The one talking to me the talking to me. Right. A test? A test? A test for what? Just like doing random things across the cycle.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry

0.00-48.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Can you give hearing anything or? And what site board were you admitted to? And you came here afterwards. And how have things been going here at water gap for you? Like, what are you working on? And. You don't really know what? I don't really know. They're on Giodon. What's the gap of pension for? What's the gap of attention for? That anxiety? have a pencil for that anxiety. Any other drug use in your life, Colin? Yeah, there is. You smoked it?

MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX

48.00-143.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

How about now? Any recent use of weed? Yeah, but I'm going to stop the person? Are you having cravings to use? How much did you typically use before going to pen? This is a small thing. You aware that marijuana can also cause psychosis? Yeah, but it wasn't this marijuana. Is that the first time you used to Iowasco? No, I've done a lot of that.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

143.00-185.60

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Did you hurt yourself? Did you hurt yourself or anything you did it? I heard myself on that. How many times of sobriety? Why is that? How many days of sobriety do you have now? Uh, just... That's the office. That's good meetings or. No, I just, I wouldn't say my threat is bad.

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

185.60-247.20

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

It was much worse, I was not going to the same thing. And what was that for? And what was that for? That was for DSM and X-A-S. Okay. How much Xanax did you change? I would think it was three wars a day. But it would have got to a point where I would take like a full script. Yeah, it was bad. So you were taking like upwards more than six milligrams a day or how many milligrams a day total of winter tape of Santa? I wouldn't say it was a day because it was kind of broke.

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Doctor Name:, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry

247.20-284.28

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

But whatever I had money would be. But so how is your cravings for other drugs now besides marijuana? Do you get cravings? I really have cravings for marijuana. Do you get cravings for other things to? But even the cravings for marijuana or one, you can get some same, that's more honest. They burn nicotine. How much have they? How much to use? How much have How much?

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284.28-324.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

I have been paid for your phone. When you go to stop smoking cigarettes? I try. It was a lot worse and most of one. How about alcohol? I don't really. It's not. No. Any opiates? I was never really.

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

324.00-368.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

What would you say? What would you say, your drug of choices? Definitely at the time it was the exam. Very nice school. But now I'd say it's... Okay. Um, and in terms of mental health, to tell me like what's happening with that, and wait, you go by Colin, not Clancy. Okay. What happened?

MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

368.00-405.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

I tried to film myself. When was that was, yeah, like two weeks ago. What did you do? You said you try to kill yourself? Yeah. You do his main at the same thing. Sorry, I just thought all of them. The hospital, it kind of got a lot better. So you were admitted to the hospital? No, I would just want to threat a... By a patient? Or how did you try to hurt yourself? and violation.

MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX

405.00-473.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

How did you try to hurt yourself? And then what happened after did you tell anyone? Yeah. So I sat is. So I'm necessarily. Have you had any other suicide attempts? I took you. I saw it. You weren't using drugs then, but you were depressed. You were depressed for most of your life. You're still having psychosis two to three weeks ago. Yeah, but it's got a lot better. That's like the only thing that's happening now is the car. It's a little bit. Do you see that all day? Not all day.

ollin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

475.00-544.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Just... How do you sleep at night? You sleep the night? What can you try? Okay, how do you eat? How do you take care of yourself? I eat what? I eat. That's true. I have ventures, so. I I have my weather they're called so far. Adiels to shower How for D-Shower?

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX

544.00-604.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Uh-huh. Tell me about your family. Where are you from, Colin? From Korean Township, Jersey. What township is it? Great Township? Where is that in New Jersey? I don't really get along with my dad. Why didn't you get along with the cow?

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry

604.00-642.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Uh, me, do you say along with the job? When did you say that? When did your dad make here? Sure, the police ever been called or? You've called it. Why was that? An issue for you? Uh, too. What happens when you get angry?

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642.00-681.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Totally I'm sharing. Have you ever been physical with them? Have you ever been in a fight with anybody? I've got a fight in school, but not I'll study that. I got spelled from the school. How old was that? How old are you in that happen? So this was the high school? Yeah. Was there a twelve middle school?

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681.00-715.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

I was there for... You graduate? Yeah, it was a private school. Do you have brothers or sisters? I have a sister. How does she? She's. Are you close with her? Yeah, we're close.

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry

715.00-737.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Did you see your family like for the holidays or? What was the last time you saw them or spoke with them? Out of family, doesn't it? And how was that? What do you guys do? You guys don't really talk much when you're together. Do you have family visits with your therapist? Your therapist?

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX

737.00-777.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Outside here. Here. Oh, you have family's like sessions? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. She's sharing. She's sharing. What have you guys been working on?

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew

778.00-790.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Anxiety. Do you have like panic attacks when you say you're, you know? Yeah. Maybe my dad, no. Tell me about your anxiety common. It's mainly social anxiety, but like public places I don't really, like, I mean, I've got situations, really good situations, mainly, it's really good, not such an impact. How do you do that in like in groups?

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790.00-823.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Well, it's a little different. You've always been in and out of... You don't get anxiety and group, like, are able to participate and share. You're right, somebody better now? Yeah. somewhat better now. They haven't gotten your weight in a really long time. Do you think you've gained or lost in your weight? Definitely gained. You've definitely gained someone. So you're eating three meals a day?

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823.00-870.92

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Yeah. Do you think you have any side effects from your medication? Okay. You're on Giodon. Remarant? It's not here. How often do you use that? Just for insomnia? And then the lithium you take 600 milligrams twice a day. Are, and are you aware of like the side effects with lithium? Yeah.

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870.92-911.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Yeah. What can affect the kidneys? So you have to stay very well hydrated. Yeah, I always have a water with you. Okay, good. And then there's an important thing to remember with lithium is that you're not allowed to take any pain medication other than Tylenol when you're on lithium. You know that? So no ibuprofen, apoxine, Advil, believe, really only tylinal. Really? Does it affect your belly at all?

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911.00-945.60

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Like no nausea or anything like that? No, I was doing the last time your level was checked? It's been a, it's since the hospital, two weeks, their tour. Okay. And what was your, um, your level at that time? Uh, normal. It was normal. Okay. Because you came on that dose of lithium and then your dose,

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945.60-981.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

so it was looks like it was last checked November 11th and it was 0.9. Right. So the dose of the Chiodon has been decreased, right? Yeah. Uh, that may be tired. You know that you have to take that medication with food in order for it to eat right. Yeah, so that's kind of an important component of the list. Or the geodon is that you have to take it. Or have to take it. So typically more after if you have time. It like hitches a ride on the food to get absorbed into your body. If you don't eat, then it won't get absorbed. I'll kind of go through a little bit.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, MIX, MIX, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

981.00-1038.64

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Do you have any medical problems? Like, no. That's really it. No heart problems, belly issues, skin issues, dizziness, headaches, nothing like that. You get headaches. I think it's from other patients. Often, you get headaches. It was maybe from stress, even.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

1041.84-1068.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

It's been a lot of that. It's really bad migraines. Really bad migraines. Migraines. And are you getting them here? Have you ever had surgery? Is there any allergies? What happens when you get that? It makes me a manic. What happens when you get manic? I mean, I don't get like impressive, like over like a boy.

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1068.00-1115.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Like the talkative or, okay, when was the last time you were manic? Any reckless or impulsive behavior when you're manic? Spending money. I mean, I'll do drugs, but I just don't like. It's not like that's worse. Yeah. I was younger before I learned to like to say that. Okay. So like more talkative, more energetic. Is your sleep disrupted typically too?

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1117.00-1157.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

If you're more. Yeah, I'll still become that? I'm diagnosed with... That was the first time you got Maddox? No. I would say I don't remember when first man that was, because they all pinched points to be like, my mania isn't that bad, but it's definitely not vulnerable.

BOTH, MIX, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry

1157.00-1191.28

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

And does anybody else in your family have me now? Like your parents or sister? Not my sister. Is that your dad's sister, your mom's sister? So that runs today my mom. Okay. So you have bipolar disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety. Let's see. Okay.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1191.28-1222.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

So how do you feel about like where we're at in terms of your medication? Uh, I like medication. I think it works a lot really well. Have you had any hallucinations? I think it works a lot really well. Have you had any hallucinations? No, not full. What do you mean not full? It's just the carpet. Just the carpet, like you said.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, BOTH, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1222.00-1240.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Any paranoia? No. I mean, I put my job because of five or what was that? That was... What were you doing? How long have you been there? I was there for about a year. How are you doing here in terms of like the other people? Like do you have friends? Are you? Do you have to go?

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, BOTH

1240.00-1281.80

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Kind of sick to myself. That's kind of the way you've always been. Do you have friends that you communicate with or talk to on the outside? Yeah, I do. Well, not now. I don't know. What happened? I was trying to this program. So I think he's not a minute like that. So I think he's good, no, perhaps, just times, space. Do you have other people that are close to? Not right now. Not right now.

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX

1281.80-1339.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Maybe the people were at the other top side of it. Could you envision going back to that top? Yeah, try to. My mom doesn't want me to. Why? That's where I would do draft. So she's worried about that. And would you go back to live with your parents when you leave here?

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1339.00-1366.60

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

And you said that your relationship with your dad's not that good. What about your relationship with your mom? It's so south. Why that? It's better than with my mom. But I just, she kind of enables my 9th to. They'll talk to her, but I can't really get too intact tap some things. Is your mom and dad work? What do they do? All some cow work. My dad's. So they're kind of busy like during the day then? Yeah, well, I'm out or she's home. It's three days of me.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry

1368.90-1410.64

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

My dad's always home. So I both home, but they're like busy working all the time. Do you feel safe when you're at home, like living there? Do you have any history of abuse or trauma? Do you have any history of abuse or trauma? Sorry. It's this chair. Yes, I'll take it. Yes, I'll take it. Thank you. It seems like people have kind of like moved it forward and backwards and that they're like, like when people sit they're like worried it's

MIX, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, BOTH, BOTH, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1410.64-1459.08

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

gonna break. Thank you. No problem. Sorry about that. What traumatic things have happened if you don't mind? Were you bullied or? Trips. TREPS? Yeah, I had one. I had one. I was picked up by a 5-5-military I went to tackle to look at the HMTs. And they like threw me on the throw and like put my 30 on my back and the hip and freeze. And what you had a seizure because of drugs?

NA, NA, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, NA, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1459.08-1537.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Yeah, I had the bad trip because of seizure. When was that? That was right before. It's two weeks time you've been admitted before? No, I haven't admitted three times now. What were the other ones. Oh, that was like a rehab? No, it was a rehab. They said they had a growing household program. How was that experience? It's different, I guess.

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1537.00-1602.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

Different stuff? Different, I guess. Different. So, um, um, it's rubber gang. Like, screw me out of that those constantly, you know, like, throwing to your back and their back and the ground, and they'll pack it on the ground,

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry

1602.00-1620.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

stepping out of. I was just like a family. How would you when that happened? 17. What's your longest period of sobriety? How did you do that? And how are you doing now in terms of like participating with AA or any? After COVID. What? What was that?

Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, BOTH, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1620.00-1670.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

But why did you stop going just because there wasn't any meetings? Oh, yeah. We didn't like the online. How long has it been sober? number. Yeah, I know. But that was not the whole. Anything with your mom? No, no. That, just one. Okay. So. So it looks like your last lab work was done in November.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1670.00-1711.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

So we might check that again in like like two weeks or so. Okay, I got high discharge or do you miss coming up. I can order it now then but let's do it again. So we won't necessarily change your medication is that? Yeah, that's fine. I point on honesty up to the lower dosage of Deodont fells, brain taps, because I missed two days. I if you miss doses, it can cause brains apes. Got it. Yeah, it's really bad. Yeah. So, yeah, we could leave it.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Collin "Clancy" Barry

1711.00-1763.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

That's fine. Do you have any questions for me, Colin? Thank you for your time. You take care. Have a good day, okay? Okay. You can crack it? Thank you see what I was talking about? Thank you, so I was. Just loose on the bottom. Okay, perfect.

MIX, Collin "Clancy" Barry, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, NA, NA, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1763.00-1796.08

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Collin "Clancy" Barry

GMT20230103_DCC_1010

So, thank you. You should be good. Great, thanks. You're welcome. and something like that.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, NA, NA, NA

1796.08-1810.78

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

you you know. you you know, you know. You know. Thank you. you just you know, you know, you know, Good morning. How are you, Michael? Okay. I'm Dr. Shephue, one of the psychiatrist that works here. Nice to meet you. Do you go by Mike, Michael, or something else? There's something you prefer your back this far. There's a couple of, There's another mic here as well. Right.

NA, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, DCC, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, BOTH

0.00-196.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Right. Right. But I mean, I grew up with a name. That's very very popular at the time. So. Are you used the time, so. They're used to that. They used to those things. So tell me what it is that brings you into CS today.

BOTH, BOTH, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew

196.00-210.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

You're referred from home, is that right? Correct, yeah. So I've always been pretty good heavy drinker. Mostly social, I've never been, not an angry drinker. No violence, no things like that. But you know obviously drinking to excess a lot and things like that, but probably even more so I've had a few tragedities in my life that really kind of don't know if I've 100% dealt with them other than self-medicating through alcohol, which also led to some of

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

210.00-247.52

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

the mental health issues like depression and anxiety and stress and all that. I work in a very high stressful environment in the advertising marketing world. Okay. When was this? Creative director. So a lot of treasure and a lot of late nights and a lot of deadlines that are, you know, I knew this five minutes ago. Oh boy, okay. So that stress would create a lot of stress and anxiety. But I didn't think at that point, like the depression wasn't that bad because they had to be moving so fast. And, but I did, you know, self-Medicaid, so to speak.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, MIX, Option 108

247.52-290.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

I mean, I didn't think I worked in an industry in the alcohol booze industry for Diageo, Pruno, all the big biggest liquor holding companies in the world. So I've worked on, creatively worked on pretty much every booze beer wine brand that there is out there. So it was always part of that my culture like in all my surroundings, whether at the events or you know I mean given in our office we had a full bar and bags in our office, we had a full bar and three bags in our office. Okay. But it's mostly for tours, but you know, they opened it up at 5.30 and everyone could sit and have a happy hour and do that.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, BOTH, Option 108, Option 108

290.00-332.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Okay. I lived in Manhattan for 16 years so the accessibility and everything was there. But I didn't find it to be a huge problem as much of a problem as it's probably been over the last three years and the pandemic pretty much kind of set a little bit of that off. I got married and we moved out of the city and moved up to Connecticut, bought a house during the beginning of the pandemic, which worked out really well. When did you get married? September 25th, six years ago. Another one. Six, 15, 16, 16. Okay.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, BOTH

332.00-374.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

It's 20, 23. Is it 2017 or? It was 2018. 2018. Okay, 2018. So you got married, married in 2018. Now was my second marriage. Second, when was your first marriage? My first marriage was 2004. So when? At 2009. 2009.

BOTH, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, BOTH, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX

374.00-398.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

So we're together for 10 years married for five. And then that started off when we got divorced, it started off an absolute tragic events in my life. I got out that she was having an affair and just completely devastated me. You found this after the fact that you guys got divorced. No, that was the reason. But it was just, it was just shock. Yeah. Everything was fine and everything was good.

MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108

398.00-436.56

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And then after we did like a mediation, we didn't have lawyers and stuff, but we did it was very hard. I was very depressed and things that. I would obviously be drinking probably much heavier. Is this kind of when your depression and drinking got much more intense. A little bit. Yeah, I mean, definitely then, and then probably a month after that, I got the news that my stepdad committed suicide. And he was like, he was kind of like my father, like, growing up, he taught me out of basketball, he's taught me out of playing health, and taught me out of shape. And, you know, he was just a good man. So that was a big blow and he didn't leave a note or anything.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

436.56-491.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

So it was always that emptiness of not knowing why or the guilt and the shame of not being able to help and things like that. And then I started getting into hiking. I was always, I've been an avid hiker and climber. So I started really getting into a lot of, you know, heavy climbing and hiking and did a lot of big adventures and went to Alaska for three weeks and was hikes and some big mountains, you know, in the 20,000, you know, 19,000 speed. And that was great. I trained really hard. I didn't drink.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

491.00-530.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

I didn't smoke. I didn't, you know, I had a personal trainer. I was in the dust shape of my life. And my best friend had quick drinking and drugs. He was on some heavy drugs and drugs. He was on some heavy drugs and drinking. But he quit and people started training and hiking to do the West Coast, so Rainier and Whitney and a couple of other big mountains. And I was trained on East Coast and he lived in Colorado and probably about three months after my dad's step, he was climbing and meld throughout the canyon and the footing fell out and fell like 180 feet and someone died.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

530.00-575.76

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

So again, those are the three. A lot of things all at one, like very traumatic things all happening within like quick succession. So that left me very empty and sad and depressed and, you know, alone, you know, I didn't have a friend. It had. This was like your closest friend? My best friend. And you guys had been climbing together. Yeah, I actually, he was, when I first got him into climbing, he was like, you know, always anti I take everything and we would hike in the Adirondacks in New York and and I got him hooked and he loved it and I sometimes feel guilty and because I got him into it and killed him.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, MIX, Option 108, Option 108

577.76-625.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

You know. Um, not really. It's okay. It's been a long time, but it's still thick about ours. Of course. I know he died doing what he loved. What is he did? And sometimes it's like, you can never predict, right?

Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

625.00-646.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

There's Alex Hanlon out there who's, you know, doing all these, you know, free soloing and stuff and people that, you know, and sometimes it's bad luck. Yeah. So, that went on for a little while and then. Can I ask your question? Did that, are you still able to hike and climb and enjoy that or has that sacked some of the ability or? I still do a lot of hiking and climbing. Just less over like two and a half months ago,

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108

646.00-679.60

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

three months ago, I did a section on the AT from New York through all of Connecticut and into Massachusetts. And I've done some of the White Mountains and presidential range and stuff. How long were you out then? How long are you like, where you did that take you? That trip was a nine-day trip, carrying a full pack through, which was probably very, it was much more difficult than my Alaska trip, just because we had people to help and we, you know, I do a summit, I would have like a summit pack instead of a 60 pound pack a year and everything. And it was probably one of the hottest weeks

Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

679.60-722.72

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

that we had in May. It was actually in May, so it's been more than that. Okay. But I've only roped up once since that, and it was at his, we got the guy that he was with that when he died and fell, he took us up to the place and we all roped up to where he final resting place. And it wasn't, it was only like, you know, a couple hundred feet, you know, but that was the only time that I really roped up since. I've been wanting to get, I have a seven-year-old, he just turned seven. And I've gone to the gym and he's climbed up the mountain.

Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

722.72-769.28

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And I get chills, but you know, I fight through it. Yeah. It's you know I don't want to hold him from experience in the greatness of it. Is do you hike with him? I'll be hike a lot. Yeah. I mean ever since he was a baby like I had a baby backpack and I mean, it was all sleep in my back. Yeah, that was great. So all of these things happened kind of back in 2009 was everything kind of, you know, very quick succession. You said you never really like went to therapy or maybe like I did I was living in the city at the time and after my wife and my stepdad died in before and in between that, you know, I got like a I met with a woman, you know, maybe like four or five times. I didn't feel like she was good and was in the city and I just felt like I was too punching it like, it just didn't feel like, and maybe it was probably my fault because I wasn't ready to share. I probably didn't give it 100% myself.

Option 108, MIX, Option 108, MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

769.28-838.04

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And, you know, and I think, you know, obviously I was still drinking, you know, during, during the time. So, you know, it would hide, hide and mask all the pain and stuff and it was outlet that you know maybe and I was drinking heavy at that time like probably you know because I you know I didn't really I mean the only thing that really kind of kept me going with work. You know, I just put everything into work. And then I met my current wife. And yeah, it was exciting. And. my current wife. That's her name. Yeah, it was exciting.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, MIX, Option 108

840.04-874.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And we actually worked at the same place, and then she left. And we kept seeing each other. And we were friends for a long time. We were friends for a couple, like a month or two before we like started to be in the treat. So every night we would talk, you know, like we'd sit, you know, we'd go get a glass of wine and we'd sit at a restaurant or whatever and you know, we talked and it was like a good friend and we loved that about her. And that progressively got better and then we both be, so something happened where she, her other job, she lost her job, or she, yeah, she lost her job,

DCC, Option 108, Option 108, MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

874.00-912.88

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

or she, yeah, she lost her job. So we did like a domestic partnership so she could get it on my insurance and everything. And then we moved in together and then we decided that we wanted to leave the city. So we maybe stepped into like Stanford, which is like like 45 minutes off the train into Manhattan. So it's an easy commute. It was, you know, you got a little bit outside. So when did you move to Connecticut? Um, 2011 I think, two thousand, I think, two thousand, I think 2011 I think 2011.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108

912.88-955.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Okay. So you've been in Connecticut for a while. Yeah, I mean I've been with my current wife for 10 years now and I've been married for six. I see. What's your wife's name? Stephanie Stephanie with an F. Okay. And tell me about your relationship now. Um, it's great. She's she's my best friend, she's my confidem, I think that the doctor said told her that she probably was gonna have very difficult times having a kid when we had talked about it and everything and it's when we moved to Stanford. When we first moved, I guess, maybe not 2000. I don't know, the dates are probably a little bit of it. Maybe 10 years ago or less?

MIX, MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew

955.00-1004.64

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Um, well, yeah, it's definitely 10, probably 10 years ago. So yeah, probably. Okay, so maybe like 2013? Yeah, 2013 or 2013 maybe. Well, because my, we just moved into Stanford and we found out that she was pregnant. So I had I had already when we first moved in Stanford I put the we had a two-bedroom and I made like a nice man's cave and like a TV and everything. And then we found out she was pregnant and I hadn't sold it all on Facebook. And then we turned it into the baby room and then you have a son or a son and what's his name miles miles and you said he just turned seven he just turned seven two days.

Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew

1004.64-1051.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Oh, okay. So it brings to another craziness was my, when my wife was like eight months pregnant and I was at work and he called me and she said we're having a baby. We went in, he was obviously early. I had to spend like two or three nights in the hospital. They had trouble dilating her and they had to do all these different things, monitoring his heartbeat and it came out, he was like four pounds 11 ounces so he's been they brought into the NICU and and then for the first two and a half weeks every day got progressively worse. It got a collapse long, second lung collapsed. He had to do his spinals on. Break, we had to do an MRI because Ithey had left the bruising on his head when he came out.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1051.00-1117.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

So it was about the first week I could, you know, could hold him yet. Other, he went on my wife's chest in the beginning, but then they put pleasure to mention. Thank you. So my wife was having a little postpartum and very upset and I was trying to, I was very strong for her. But when I left her, I had to have to go outside and I would do, you know, talk to the mom, you know, talked to the mom, you know, very dramatic and sad and everything. And two and a half weeks went, and it just clicked. And he was great and so fortunate.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1117.00-1158.28

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And his beautiful, very great, amazing little boy, smart, as hell, and very happy. You know, we do a lot of things with him. I mean, he's a only child. You did try another, to have another kid and my wife had a miscarriage. I'm sorry. So obviously, there's a bit of ups and downs in my life in the last decade or so. But then, after we left Stanford, during the beginning of the pandemic in March of 2020, we bought a house in Fairfield.

Option 108, MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1158.28-1202.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Okay. And we got in, right, people, craziness happened. That's good. Okay. Interest rates were low. We had a really good deal. We had been looking for a house for like two years and just couldn't find the right one.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, BOTH, BOTH, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1202.00-1213.52

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

This one was great. The schools were great. Everything we wanted in the house and we got it. And it's been great. And, you know, the pandemic was hard. I mean, it was hard. It was hard because, I mean, my wife was working from home. I was working, but I was on more contract freelance basis, so I made certain contracts. But being that he wasn't able to be in school and stuff. So I was I was kind of Mr. Mom for a while and which I had no problem being, it was, you know, there was no barriers or anything. You know, and I, you know, we'd go to the beach and we play and we would do all the things and you know we do exercises. I did so many drawings on the driveway and we made built so many things out of boxes and every arts and crafts thing you can

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1214.00-1271.44

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

imagine we did it was it was really nice and if I was working. every arts and crafts thing you can imagine, you did. It was really nice. And if I was working in my crazy past career, I would have never been able to spend that molding time within. And, you know, and I'm very thankful and fortunate for that. And that kind of was like a time where everything kind of slowed down a bit, you know, from like the drinking and everything that was more responsible and more present.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1271.44-1300.20

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

I mean, we'd still have like a glass of wine at dinner and stuff, but it wasn't like I was, you know, going up to bars and, you know, especially because of the pandemic or anything. But then, you know, during the pandemic and stuff, you know, things just started getting, you know, stressful and everything. So I did say, you know, I started drinking a little bit more. I started working again, working, you know, created some of that anxiety of stress. So I literally, you know, would drink a little bit just to cope. And then that kind of went on for a while. And then I would say you know 2021 you know to end of 2020 2021 and parts of 2020 you know with shuffling work.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1305.76-1355.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

He was starting to go to school, so I would have days that I was home all by myself and, you know, working remotely and drinking, you know, and drinking, you know, at home. I didn't get from my wife. That's when I started to get where I was like, I just need this to make me feel better. It was like medicine, you know, like,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1355.48-1377.60

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

or I'll only drink a pint of vodka or something. And then, you know, and then like my wife would be like, all right, I'll pick miles up at school. And then I'll be like, okay, that gives me the opportunity to have another pint or something or another drink. Because I was very, I would, I never, that's one thing I would, I never did, just drink when I had to do anything with him. Yeah. And that was kind of like a lip mistest, like a thing where I would, like it was my line,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1377.60-1409.36

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

you know, like, and then, you know, I would say over the last year, you know, I started hiding, hiding, sneaking, and my wife could tell. I feel like I wasn't as present with both of them, even though I felt like I was, you know, they could probably see the difference in me. And there was a couple of times where there was actually two instances. One that she got very angry and frustrated with me because I was obviously drunk when, you know,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1409.36-1447.44

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

we hadn't never a physical application. We've never been in his argument. Just argue. And you know, she had said, you know, I need to need help or you or I'm going to take miles in your week. And the thought of that was devastating to me. So, you know, there was one day I drove to beach and I had a big bottle of vodka and I just started drinking and and getting depressed and singing deeper into a big hole and and I felt like I was like you you know, if they leave me, I had nothing. I've lost so much and I can't afford to lose them. So I did have some thoughts just walking into the ocean,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1447.44-1494.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

just not coming back. When was that? That was probably maybe the beginning of 2022. Okay. So probably. Yeah. Okay. Because it was cold.

Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, BOTH, BOTH, MIX

1494.00-1515.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

But then I called her. She drove and came, picked me up and cried and we talked and you know, and then went home, you know, I'd probably stop drinking for a short period of time, and then same things started stress and just dealing with daily life and work and everything. It just started feeling and I'm like, very well, I rationalized. All right, I'll just have a little bit or I'll just do this. And then that started turning into me, sneaking in and lying about it. And my wife always said, you know, it's not the drinking that really bothers me. It's the sneaking around. It's the hiding, it's the lying. And she couldn't trust me.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1516.40-1557.96

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Now, looking back, I kind of feel like, again, I understand. Yeah. So, you know, and then just recently about actually two weeks yesterday, they had another similar circumstance and I said the next morning I woke up and I packed a bag and I said I'm going to go to a hotel and I'm going to try to figure some stuff out. I'm just going to take the day and sleep over tonight and really think about stuff. And I proceeded to drink and you know and I came home and then my wife went out to do stuff pick my son up and do something she had a couple errands and stuff to run stuff, pick my son up and do something. She had a couple errands and stuff to run,

Option 108, MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1557.96-1604.56

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

and I just proceeded to get really drunk. And I don't remember a lot of it of that particular time. She's built me in on some of the things, but she was very worried about me. I have type one that beanie too, so my blood sugars and everything, like she just worried. I wasn't making sense. It wasn't coherent enough. And she called 911. She brought my son to the neighbors, so that he would have seen anything with her home so happy and thankful for it. And then I spent about 12 hours,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1604.56-1641.28

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

so maybe 12 or 13 hours in the hospital. And I guess the ER and then they brought me to like the psych ward as well. And as well. And I don't, I mean, I don't even remember how I got so fucked out that I didn't even remember or anything. I don't know if I took any pills or anything. I don't, I don't remember. But not intentionally to do anything, you know, it was just, I just wasn't in a good place. And then two weeks ago, Wednesday, they released me from the hospital, went home. We had a really long talk and we were looking at different facilities and places for me to go. And we felt like the system was failing us.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1641.28-1695.60

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

We went to like five different places. And everyone denied us because I had type 1 diabetes and they couldn't. and so then I just felt really lost and even more sad and then they said well maybe we can do outpick our inpatient oh Oh, Abby, no, I was just going to continue. Yeah, okay. And then even some of those, you know, I looked at some of the places, the ones that were even around us,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108

1695.60-1724.64

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

just didn't feel comfortable. There was a little bit of a, just a little place know it was very like hospital-esque. And my experience in the hospital was very, very bad. Like, you know, people were, they left me in the hallway on the gurney and like, you know, people are fighting and peeing and somebody took a don't put right there. And I'm like, I don't belong here. I'm like, honey, please just come pick me up. Get me out of here. Obviously, they couldn't discharge me until the doctor saw me. So anyway, it was a very long night. And then I haven't had a drink since and I've really seen a huge difference. My wife's seen the difference in me.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1725.52-1767.76

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And she's been very supportive throughout my family, my closest friends, everyone is super supportive. I only reached out to my really closest friends, probably about five or six. Did they know you had been struggling with that? closest friends, probably about five or six. Did they know you had been struggling with that? Like, is it something you always kept to yourself? I mean, I think all of them, all of my friends, you know, they're all pretty good drinkers, but they seem to manage, but I mean, I don't get it, you know, I mean, we all used to party it. I mean, it was never, it was never like nobody really got into trouble, you it was more just like you know we'd go out we'd have you know whiskey you know go drink a lot a couple bottles of wine and you know for a night and you know beers and everything. So but the cult. But they yeah it was just that there was that culture and it was fun. It was never a problem that didn't seem like. And, but now, like,

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1769.76-1827.12

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

now, after telling, you know, everyone kind of sensed that there was something like my wife, you know, and I've seen a big difference over the last two weeks of being sober. My son is, my son is like, you know, he cuddles with me like just innate you know it's it's different like you just it's just different around me and not really knowing anything you know like mean, we waited until I came here yesterday, and we told him on Friday. And I was thinking I was going Monday, but so we told him on Friday, and then his seventh birthday party we had for him on Saturday.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1828.32-1874.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And they didn't really want to miss that. I would have felt really bad. So we decided to push it and his real birthday was Tuesday. And we had made a big, I got like really good seats close to the court the next game and Matt Square Garden and we had like the special access pass so we got to go out in the court with when the players were warming up and he got like autographs and he's been really into basketball and we played basketball home. It turned our kitchen into a basketball area. Like, we played in the morning, we play at night, when he gets home from school.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1874.00-1909.44

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

But anyway, so it was that and they put his name up on the Jumbo Trinum as Square Garden and said, happy birthday, seventh birthday, and Miles Olson. And I didn't want to miss that. So, and then I, it was like Wednesday, you know, I'm doing really well. I didn't go through any, no tremor. No tremors, no thrall symptoms. I think I felt, I know like physical withdrawal symptoms, but obviously like, just, you know, symptoms of, you know, sadness and things like that.

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1909.44-1948.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

Sleep problems and things like that, but also just like a little bit of a little bit of shame and a little bit of guilt and then you know some reflection time that I had by myself. I would take walks around or do my circle. So I would do walks outside and things like that. But you know, it also felt when they weren't around, you know, I was lonely, you know, felt the loneliness. I wasn't lonely because they were always there very supportive. You know, it hurt me a little bit. My wife didn't trust me at that point, which was understandable. So she took my wallet and wouldn't let me go to the store in case they stopped at the liquor store. But then liquor store. But then probably, towards the end of the two weeks, probably three or four days before I came here, I felt good. I felt the, I felt good.

MIX, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

1948.00-2003.44

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

I felt the best I felt in years. And when we talked and she's like, you're OK, and I'm like, OK. And I was able to go to the store and do that and do some tasks not feel like I was in prison or right. I hope your cravings been cool. Are you thinking about alcohol dreaming about it? Just feeling like oh you know it would be good right now is a bathroom or whatever, like thinking about it a lot. The cravings that have aren't just not, it's not like the cravings of like I need the alcohol like I used to

Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, MIX, Option 108

2003.44-2034.64

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

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feel like I used to feel like in the in the morning I would feel like I need I need it like medicine you know like because it equaled me out and made me feel good and I was able to function. I mean I know the term functioning alcohol. But what time would you start drinking? How early in the day? Sometimes it's 10 in the morning. But it would only be like, like I said, you know, I would be like, all right, I just need like a pint or something. And then I was keen to go on with my day and do my tasks.

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2034.64-2069.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And then later in the day, I would be like, oh, okay, what kind of started to come down and then cycle, cycle, cycle, cycle. So, I'm sorry, I interrupted you. You're talking about your cravings or thinking about. Oh, yeah, so cravings, you know, I think what I think I miss the most is the social ability of things. I mean, I've always been a very big social drinker. I like, you know, sitting around the fire pit. And, you know, I like to, I would really like to cook a lot. So, you know, we have a fire pit in the back. We have a fireplace in our house.

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2069.00-2112.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

And like, I love to sit and have a cocktail when there's a fire you're under blanket and you know like those things not like I want to get hammered and I want to escape from something it's more more like I miss those moments rather than me craving now call. So I just miss, I probably miss the moments that those memories that I have that were good, even though I was drinking, it was good and comforting and warm and fun and everything, you know, it's the negative times, the hiding, lying, sneaking, and feeling like, you know, guilty and shame and all those bad things. Well, that's what the cravings can really do. You remember all those

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2112.00-2154.48

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

great times that you felt like you had with alcohol. You forget all the tough things. Yes, or you know your brain's not really thinking about that as much. Yeah, and I would hide, you know, I mean, I definitely suppressed all, like, all the tragedies that I went through, like I don't think I've ever, 100% dealt with all of them. Obviously, you know, masking it and hiding it through substances, you know, it gets you through to the next day. Right. Self-medication kind of also. Okay.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew

2154.48-2188.20

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

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I know that was a lot. No, that's great. So yeah, I know you said you went to therapy in 2009. Have you ever been admitted to an inpatient facility or else. My first test is the plantation and outpatient. Really, any kind of rehab or any. How are you feeling now that you're here and know you're away from your family and I think that's that's the hardest part. Yeah, from them especially because I you know I had stopped drinking two weeks ago and the last two weeks I feel so much clearer. Like, I would be able to talk with you like this probably, like last two weeks ago. Like if I came right the Monday after I was

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2188.20-2225.28

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

after I got out of the hospital like I wouldn't be the same person and I'm kind of glad that I got to do that in their family not to see me. The way that they should see me and the way that they deserve to see me. What's your longest period of sobriety? Have you had periods? This is probably the longest. Although I will say when I went to Alaska, I trained, and it was probably about four months, probably four months,

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2225.28-2255.00

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

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it's the longest because I didn't smoke, I didn't drink it, you know, it's very, very healthy. And then obviously when I was in Alaska I did. Although when we got back from the trip, there's like one bar in this tiny little town in Alaska where we get where we get off the plane and stuff like that. And you know, we had a couple of beers and stuff there, but nothing like it was great, you know, it was right. It was like our whole crew and like, you know, everyone out all the guys and other things. And do you smoke or use marijuana,

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2255.52-2286.76

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

anything on those lines or have you? I don't use any other drugs, just alcohol. I did smoke on and off for a while, especially during some of those periods. Tobacco or marijuana. Okay. And I smoked to smoke quite a bit of weed in college and stuff, but I didn't really like it that much. I didn't like the not not being controlled as much sometimes. Especially, I mean, I didn't mind it when I was younger.

Dr. Courtney Chellew, MIX, Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

2286.76-2316.72

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

But like, I got older, like the control thing, I just didn't like it. Okay, so you kind of went to alcohol pretty and you know, okay. So you've had periodic use of nicotine. Yeah, pretty much. And then obviously during the pandemic and things like that, I started smoking again. And not a lot, I probably smoke maybe a pack of weeks. I didn't want to smoke while I was here, but I feel like I need something a little bit. And no, I did start? I did it a little bit.

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2316.72-2348.44

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

GMT20230126_DCC_1049

I'll try. Focus, I would just say, you know, like it sounds like you've really kind of made the commitment to focusing on like a healthy life, like you're not drinking anymore, you said you feel more clarity, you feel better physically. I know it's hard because a lot of people got to smoke between breaks and things like that, but now you should if you want to go outside, just walk around the building, you know, don't don't let being here also make you more likely. No, I don't, and I'm not a follower, so it's not like, right. It's more just like, you know, you know, this is a new thing for me. There's a lot of new things that kind of, you know, it's released a little bit, you know, where I, you know, I don't necessarily even like it that much anymore, but it does make me, it does I don't have alcohol

Option 108, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Dr. Courtney Chellew, Option 108, Option 108, Option 108

2348.44-2406.80

Dr. Courtney Chellew

Option 108

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or anything else and it feels like it's like a tiny little escape. Yeah, okay. And I don't like vaping or anything like that. Okay. I don't really feel like I need it like, like I don't go through like to continue with drool. You don't. But it, but, you know, sitting there like, thinking, looking up in the sky, looking out, like it does, it does, so, calm me down and make me probably temporary just like everything else. Have you ever been to like AA or any treatment?

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2406.80-2443.00