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58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>Counseling can go a long way in improving your mental health. </p><p>Counseling helps you to get new perspective on your life and problems.</p><p>Talking about your problems with a counselor gives them substances and something to get a handle on. Talking about your problems gives you a chance look at your situation from a new angle to help solve your problems.</p><p>The counselor is a neutral listener that can help give direction and answers to your needs.</p><p>Counseling can help you solve your problems but also can set up a plan for the future. Counseling can help you to deal with things before they get out of hand.</p><p>Give counseling a try.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Counseling allows us to have a sacred space, a space that is set apart from the outside world, it is a space of non-judgement and exploration. Being that the universe is not made for us and that the the world tends to be a fairly untamed place at times, this sacred space allows us to explore ourselves. It allows for greater reflection upon our attitudes, our behaviors and our feelings. Imagine if you will a small goldfish swimming around the usual fish tank, although I dont attest to know what a goldfish thinks, I would imagine he does not see the world outside of him, he only sees the small fishbowl, oblivious to the outside world, when one comes into the counseling room, one is trying to gain insight that was not previously there. Remember the observer affect, one cannot truly act objectively with the world, we are in a dynamic relationship with life, it reacts to us and we to it, the time in the counseling room allows us to gain an understanding that is beyond the normal limits, allowing us to see what was before hidden, often times in plain sight.<br></p> | 0 |
582a2c2a950e2507cf23dc1e | Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.
Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-get-ignored-by-people | Social Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time.</p><p>I wonder about how your friendships are in person. If you get along well with people and have effective conversations with them face-to-face, there could be some kind of technology-related problem.</p><p>Have you tried gently talking to people about how you send a message and they didn't answer? If you can phrase it in such a way that they recognize that you are asking for information and not blaming them for not answering you, that could be effective.</p><p>I'd also encourage you to consider how much this is bothering you. If it is causing a significant amount of anxiety (say, more than 5/10 if 10 is really anxious), I would suggest talking with a local therapist.</p><p>In the meantime, consider talking about this with someone you trust to whom you can get more details to get a more specific answer.</p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Virginia Chow | https://counselchat.com/therapists/virginia-chow | <p>It is understandable that it's very hard for you to hear daily complaints from your mother regarding the caregiving of your niece. You cannot change your mother's feelings and responsibilities, which could create feelings of frustration and helplessness. It must be equally hard for your mother to assume full responsibility for your niece at a time where your sister cannot take care of her. This type of responsibility usually produces an enormous amount of stress and pressure because your mother and niece would both need to adapt to this new relationship, living situation, and the feeling of being "abandoned." </p><p>Not knowing the history of your relationship with your mother and how you respond to each other in times of need, it may be difficult to fight the right recommendation on how to deal with this situation. Nonetheless, it is not easy to have to face daily complaints and you may have to set a healthy balance between empathy and boundary setting with your mother and some personal boundaries for yourself. </p><p>It is likely that your mother's "complaints" may be her desperate cry for help because she does not know how to cope with stress or how to ask for the right kind of support. In this case, you could calmly and respectfully tell her the next time you hear her complain, "This must be very difficult for you because I hear the stress in your voice almost everyday. It's very hard for me to hear you feeling so overwhelmed. I feel helpless in this situation and would like to suggest that it might be helpful for you to seek some professional help and support to deal with such a big matter of importance." When empathy and understanding is communicated, recipients are usually more open because they hear and feel the caring behind it and are more likely to seek additional help.</p><p>After sharing this message of empathy and encouragement to seek help, the next step is to protect yourself by explaining to your mother where your limits are so that she understands what she can expect from you. This means that you can decide the kind of support or help you are willing to give your mother and/or niece that is within your ability to provide without feeling overwhelmed. This could involve inviting them to dinner occasionally, taking them out to see a movie or inviting your niece over to give your mother respite. You could then say to her if she complains again, "I cannot change the way you feel in this situation and I encourage you to seek professional advice about that but what I could do is .........(explain what you could do to help)."</p><p><br></p><p>www.PsychologyResource.ca</p> | 0 |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>Teenage years are rough for anyone, and this is a time for self-discovery and experimentation. Having older parents can certainly pose challenges. Most kids feel like their parents don't understand them, but yours are older than the average parents of teenagers. They're from a completely different generation than you are. It sounds like they love you, but may not understand you. The problem here is the generation/age gap, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. What you can do is accept the situation and perhaps look at it a little differently. It seems like you're looking for affirmation from them, looking for their approval and understanding. It's never a good idea to look to others to define who you are or to get a self-esteem boost. Who you are and how you feel about yourself needs to come from inside, not from outside. One way you can have a better relationship with your parents is to stop looking at all the things you aren't getting from them that you want, and rather look at all the things you are getting from them. Yes, this is a glass half full or half empty point of view, but it works. The negative will overshadow the positive if you let it. Start looking for the good things in your relationship with your parents and your feelings towards them will become more positive.</p><p>I'm not sure how your friends/peers made you feel like your childhood has been taken from you. That's a curious statement, and requires a deeper conversation to understand where that came from. However, I do understand feeling different and out of place, especially in high school. Find the strength within yourself rather than looking to others in your life to make you feel better or feel like a complete person. It helps to have friends and loved ones, but you can never rely on them to fulfill all of your needs. Set some goals for your future, work towards them. Focus on being the best YOU that you can be, and the right people will enter your life at the right time. </p> | 0 |
579da45c188cd61c1684e82e | How can I help myself and change my behavior? | I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,
I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.
How can I help myself to change my behavior? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-myself-and-change-my-behavior | Behavioral Change,Anxiety | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The best way to handle anxiety of this level is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the anxiety. This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT. You will learn to recognize when and why you perform the behavior of hitting your head, help you deal with the underlying cause of this, and replace the behavior with a more positive behavior. You'll learn coping skills.</span><br></p><p>You mention having a rough childhood. Anyone who has experienced trauma like this, especially long-term ongoing trauma from abuse of any kind, definitely does not need "exposure therapy", which is what is recommended for phobias. You need a therapist trained specifically in trauma informed therapy.</p><p>You are on the right path by recognizing there is an issue and what it is. Good luck with your healing journey!</p> | 0 |
581d5e5c950e2507cf23dbe9 | How do I get over a person I fell in love with? | I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.
I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
How can I get myself to just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-person-i-fell-in-love-with | Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>It's difficult to move on and let go, especially when you've experienced things for the first time with someone, or feelings you've never felt before, as you said.</p><p>I like the fact that you are looking at your situation "logically". Feelings can take time to fade, but you seem to understand, even if it is subconsciously, that it's the feelings he stirred up in you that are keeping you tied to him, not necessarily the person himself. Realize that you can and will experience those feelings again with another person - the RIGHT person. Don't hold onto someone who is wrong for you just because of something like this. You're wanting those feelings and wanting a relationship - but with him necessarily? Or with anybody? You said you don't want to be without your love for him - not you don't want to be without him. In fact, you said you know you need to be without him. It seems like it's the LOVE that you can't let go of, and the feelings. Not the person. Trust me, you will find that again. Take some time to let this fade. Don't try to force him or anyone else into a role that is meant for someone else. Cherish the memories and the experiences you had. Sounds like it's been a valuable learning and growth experience for you, but you have your own reasons, and I don't know what they are, for thinking this person isn't good for you. Trust your gut instinct and be glad you've had this relationship. Not all are meant to last. But all shape you into the person you are and will become, and all teach us important lessons.</p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>Buy the book "Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin." Read it. Apply it.</p><p><br></p><p>Seriously, I'm not joking. You're not wrong to "not want to hear it anymore" but if you don't maintain healthy boundaries, you will allow your family to make you feel guilty for "not wanting to hear it anymore". That's not fair to you.</p><p><br></p><p>Give a copy to your mom, too. No, I didn't write the book nor do I have any affiliation with it - I simply recommend it because it's a wonderful book and it helped me out a lot. I recommend it to a lot of people. It should be required reading!</p> | 0 |
579d62d3188cd61c1684e827 | How can I make the voices stop? | I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.
I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-voices-stop | Anxiety | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>This isn't something you can do on your own. </p><p>If you haven't already, you need to see a medical doctor ASAP to rule out medical causes for this. Many diseases, illnesses, and conditions can cause hallucinations. In the elderly, sometimes it's something as simple as a urinary tract infection. Some medicines may have that side effect as well.</p><p>However, you say you've been hearing them since you were little. I have no idea how old you are now, but something that has been going on for many years does lead me to think it could be a type of schizophrenia. A psychiatrist could diagnose that after taking a complete look at your history, medical history, etc. There are medications that they can put you on that will help. </p><p>One thing that I find encouraging is that you recognize you're hearing voices. This means you are not so far into a delusion as to believe it is real. A lot of people that hear or see things that aren't there are not able to have the awareness that these things are not real. They fully believe what they're hearing/seeing. It's completely real to them. Because you have the awareness that you do, I feel this is a very good sign that with treatment you can live a normal life (assuming you are not already receiving treatment for it. If you are and are still hearing the voices, please know that medications often need to be changed and adjusted, and the voices may never completely go away but medicines certainly help dull them a lot. Always talk to your doctor when it seems your symptoms are getting worse so that they can make the necessary medication adjustments for you).</p><p>If at any time the voices are telling you to do something, please go to an ER as this is an emergency. Sometimes people hear voices telling them to harm themselves, harm someone else, or do other things that are against the law. Do not try to deal with something like that on your own. There are people who can help.</p> | 0 |
5835e5b5950e2507cf23dc6a | I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter. | There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.
She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-how-to-communicate-with-my-adult-daughter | Family Conflict,Relationships,Parenting | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>1. She's an adult.</p><p>2. She lives in your house? She follows your rules.</p><p>3. What you're describing could be any number of things, but could potentially be a medical issue that needs attention. Thyroid issues, autoimmune diseases - there's a ton of medical possibilities for her symptoms. I'm not a doctor; this is a forum of therapists.</p><p>4. I recommend the book "Codependent No More" which may help you navigate your rocky relationship with your adult daughter. You may be inadvertently making things worse by "helping" her which can instead enable her to continue her behaviors. Another book you may find helpful is "Boundaries: Where you end and I begin". You cannot control another person, especially an adult. The only person you can control is yourself. Tough love is sometimes needed, and she is an adult - treat her like one. Maybe then she'll act like one. If we were having this conversation in person, you would interrupt me at this point with a "but..." and then explain all the reasons why you can't tell her to move out, get a job, get up and cook or clean the house, etc. I already know that you have a myriad of excuses for things being the way they are. Yes, I said excuses instead of reasons, because that's what they are. You may feel stuck and like you have to take care of her, but you have choices - you just may not like them. I know that when children are small, parents' lives are focused around them (some more than others) and decisions are made around what is best for your child. But you said your daughter is an adult. The relationship dynamics must change if the relationship is to be a healthy one. I know how difficult it is to watch your child make life choices that you wouldn't want for them, no matter what that choice may be. As a parent, we want to force them to do what we think is "the right thing" but trying to do that only results in frustrations for everyone involved. Whether the issue is a hair color, a tattoo, a lifestyle choice, a job, or choosing not to work or take care of their health, or doing drugs, or drinking - the choice is theirs and theirs alone and so are the consequences of those choices. </p> | 0 |
585599b3950e2507cf23dd9a | Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility? | My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.
I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility.
Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility | Family Conflict,Legal & Regulatory,Substance Abuse | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. </p><p>I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. </p><p>An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. </p><p>Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. </p><p>If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.</p><p>Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. " Being responsible" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.</p><p>Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing. </p> | 0 |
58577397950e2507cf23ddad | Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend? | I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend | Intimacy,Relationships | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | <p>No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. </p><p>You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be. </p> | 0 |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that connection in the area you need. I'm sorry to hear that. it's unfortunate. However, I think a couple things can be done to try to address this. </p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you want support</span></p><p>1) Parents- Sit down with one of them and tell them with all seriousness that you need to talk about something that is affecting you deeply. Perhaps speaking to both can be too much for one room. If you try to speak to mom or dad by themselves, it may create that intimate atmosphere needed to understand where you are coming from. </p><p><br></p><p>2) Friends: Like parents it can be difficult to speak to your friends about challenges with your mental health. When you're feeling down and anxious, friends can be great help or not their at all. With friends, it may be one of those things where you also need to create an intimate environment with one friend to speak to about your sadness and anxiety. If anything, speak to the fact you're hurt and help them understand that if they can't understand the depression</p><p><br></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you don't want support</span></p><p> Coping Strategies: Identify coping skills and strategy that help you when you're feeling down. </p><p>Ideas:</p><p>A.) Journaling</p><p>B) Painting</p><p>C) Exercise</p><p>D) Music</p><p>E) Reading Affirmation</p><p>F) Listening To Motivation Videos</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>I just want to understand before I answer. Who exactly is complaining?</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4 | I feel completely alone in my marriage. | I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: </p><p>1.) Understand what his primary concern is</p><p>2.) Understand what your primary concern is</p><p>3.) What would you like to see different?</p><p>4.) What would he like to see different? </p><p>5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)</p><p>6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.</p><p>7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.</p><p>8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.</p><p>9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy</p> | 0 |
582a2c2a950e2507cf23dc1e | Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.
Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-get-ignored-by-people | Social Relationships | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>Sorry to hear your friends aren't responding to you. If these friends are in-person as well as online, perhaps going to them in person and asking talking to them about your concern. Perhaps it's the way you send messages or the way they are receiving them. if they say no, then a simple request to respond to your messages. Measure the result and notice if there are even small differences. </p><p>Also understand, why this is so important to you. Ask yourself, why it's so important for you to receive these messages from friends. What does it mean when they don't respond. </p> | 0 |
58577397950e2507cf23ddad | Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend? | I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend | Intimacy,Relationships | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation. </p> | 0 |
581d5e5c950e2507cf23dbe9 | How do I get over a person I fell in love with? | I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.
I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
How can I get myself to just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-person-i-fell-in-love-with | Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help. </p><p>Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!</p><p>Earl Lewis</p><p>www.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com </p> | 0 |
55711873a03de6c365f45bbb | About a year ago I found out my husband had cheated on me. | Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family.
However, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward? | https://counselchat.com/questions/about-a-year-ago-i-found-out-my-husband-had-cheated-on-me | Relationships,Marriage | Earl Lewis | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | <p>To begin, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like many of the professionals have stated, infidelity is a very difficult obstacle to move forward from. It's not impossible. While forgetting is probably the hardest part, forgiveness is something that can and will happen. There are things you can do to help yourself. </p><p>The first this is identifying what you feel is best for yourself and your children. That means being honest with how you feel being in this relationship on a daily basis and understanding how it's affecting you. </p><p>Second, how is your relationship affecting the children. Do you feel that by staying in the relationship that it's affecting your daily interaction with them. If so, that' something to keep in mind. </p><p>Next, Really looking at the pros and cons of staying in the relationship. A specific breakdown of what benefits come with staying and what are the ramifications. Vice-versa for leaving. Include your partner. I think being honest with him and letting him know what you are thinking is could be a great option. At least you aren't keeping something inside yourself to manage. Rather, you are being transparent to them. Sometimes a couple can come to an agreement that it may be time to end things and other times it may be best to keep moving forward with a serious plan to how to move forward. Regardless, if you can't trust him and that feeling will never go away it's time to address it. Couple therapy can be beneficial as well as a therapist can provide professional counseling to you. </p><p>Earl Lewis</p><p>www.RelationshipsGoneRight.com</p> | 0 |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - <span style="font-weight: bold;">"is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?"</span> </p><p>Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.</p><p>When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?" </p><p>While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own. </p><p><br></p><p> </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Finding out about an affair is quite an emotional experience. It's usually jarring. I encourage you to give yourself some compassion about emotions that you have.</p><p>You asked whether it is possible to get past the cheating and the answer is that it can be. It depends on many factors.</p><p>I would recommend that you see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. There are certain ways that both of you could learn more about yourselves and each other that may actually serve to make your relationship stronger. Sometimes there are motivations for having an affair that can be discussed in therapy in a way that you become more aware of what each other is experiencing and where you want to go from here. It could be that learning to communicate differently would be helpful.</p><p>Regarding whether you should "just move on," I recommend talking about with a therapist as well. At the very least, you can discuss more about what you are thinking and feeling and what your choices are as far as where you want to go from here.</p> | 0 |
58432b4a950e2507cf23dc88 | What makes a good marriage? | What makes a healthy marriage last? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-a-good-marriage | Marriage | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | A resource I think is helpful to learn more about "what makes a good marriage" and steps toward doing so is Dr. John Gottman's book: "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." <div><br></div><div>Dr. Gottman is a leader in this field and has done extensive studies with couples to determine what behaviors are key in making a marriage work and what behaviors could predict divorce. I think this book might be a good start if you're wanting to learn more about how to have a long lasting relationship. </div> | 0 |
58432aa8950e2507cf23dc87 | How does counseling help people? | Does counseling really do anything that can help people? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-counseling-help-people | Counseling Fundamentals | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font color="#333333" face="Times New Roman"></font><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">I believe that counseling (and finding a GOOD therapist)
will be of significant help when the individual seeking therapy desires change,
improvement, and overall growth. Most counseling involves homework and a level
of commitment outside of session that also contributes to resolution of
problems and an ability to cope with stresses in a productive way. Here are
some of the key ways that therapy can help. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>1.</strong> <strong>Helps to define the problem and gain a clearer
understanding of where it originates.</strong> </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Many people seek counseling because of symptoms they are
experiencing. These can include feeling sad, increased sleeping, substance use,
panic attacks, self-harm, isolating one’s self, academic decline, etc. Often
times, people are not aware of what is causing these symptoms. Having a
therapist to help guide and explore why the symptoms are occurring and where
they come from will give individuals increased insight and awareness into their
problems. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>2. Allows for a safe outlet to vent.</strong></font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Not everyone likes to share their problems with close
friends or family members. Maybe they don’t want others to know of their flaws.
Maybe they don’t want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they just
are not comfortable talking about themselves. And in some situations people do
not have the option of talking with someone they know because they have no
friends or family. While talking with those we know can help bring some relief
it is also nice to talk with someone like a therapist who is objective and
emotionally removed from given situations. Counseling gives a safe outlet in
which one can express their personal feelings and thoughts without feeling
judged.</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>3. Counselors can offer various problem solving solutions.</strong>
</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">A good therapist usually will not directly point their
client in the direction they need to go. Counseling is about growth and
teaching the client to identify triggers and use effective coping strategies
that will bring about emotional and psychological relief. Counselors will help
clients to explore the various options available in given situation, based on
the client’s needs, wants, and values and will help them to choose the option
that best fits with their desired outcome. </font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><strong>4. Gives one the tools needed to cope with current and future
problems.</strong></font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman">Many individuals that seek therapy have never learned
good coping strategies. Perhaps they did not have parents or caretakers to
model productive ways to cope or maybe the symptoms they are suffering from are
overbearing and take away the energy needed to cope. Different diagnoses
require different tools; however some are beneficial for any problem and any
individual. These include but are not limited to relaxation techniques,
breathing exercises, development of healthy routines, using mindfulness,
improving communication skills, and recognizing and changing maladaptive
thought patterns. A good counselor will teach clients how to use these tools,
will often practice them during session, and will assign homework for further
practice and mastery of the skills.</font></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><font face="Times New Roman"> </font></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><br></p> | 0 |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Margaret Van Ackeren | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | <p>One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit older and have likely not dealt with some of the struggles that you face. </p><p>I would suggest communicating your feelings to them about not being heard. Talk to them during a non-emotional moment when the discussion is not already heated. In other words, do not wait until an argument ensues to have an open discussion with them about how you are feeling. Prepare them by asking them what time is good for them to talk. Let them know you have something important to get off your chest. Try and avoid using exaggerated or extreme language such as "you NEVER listen," "you ALWAYS say..." and stray away from placing blame. Instead of beginning your statements with "you" try using "I" by letting them know how their behavior effects you. Finally, let them know that they are important to you and that having their trust and support would mean a lot to you. Perhaps giving them suggestions as to what you wish for and would like to see change would help them to better understand.</p><p>I would also suggest that you seek guidance from a therapist, teacher, or school counselor if possible. Most schools have counseling resources on sight in which a trained professional is available to talk with students looking for help.</p><p>Best of luck to you.</p> | 0 |
579c2689188cd61c1684e817 | How can I deal with my depression? | I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone.
How can I deal with depression without telling anyone? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-depression-2 | Depression | Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-cassity-lmsw-lmac | <p>Hello,</p><p>It is completely understandable that you would not want people to know about your depression. I would first like commend you for realizing that you need to help with your depression by reaching out here. That is a great start, and you've taken the very first courageous step. </p><p>Depression can feel debilitating and overwhelming. Depression is also a very personal thing and no one has know but you and the therapist. The best way to begin learningand dealing is to pick up the phone and call a therapist or email a therapist and schedule a session. </p><p>The great news is that with professional help you can feel better and you will learn how deal with and manage the depression. There are many ways to help with depression that a therapist can teach you and help guide. You do not have do this alone. Asking for help and going to therapy is a strength! This can be done in a private and confidential setting.</p><p>Depression should be treated by a therapist, in a safe, confidential office setting. The therapist can then discuss your depression with you in more detail to figure out the underlying cause, how long you've been feeling this way and identify what brings on these feelings. </p><p>There is hope and depression can be treated with great success, you CAN feel good again. Depression can be managed appropriately by seeing a licensed therapist. Often times therapy will offer relief because you would have someone there simply to listen to you, validate your feelings and listen to your story. The therapist will be able to offer professional insight and perspective on the situation and help you think outside the box.</p><p> The therapist can do many things with you, provide insight and offer many ideas to help you learn new coping skills and ideas of things you enjoy, encouraging you to re engage in hobbies you once enjoyed or even discover new things you may enjoy. There are creative ways to learn to cope too!</p><p>Your therapist will also be there to support you, without judgement, at your pace, through the entire process. But the first step is finding a therapist and beginning to identify the cause your depression. Healing is possible and getting your happiness back is also possible.Feel free contact me for additional help or information</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p> | 0 |
55ce1dca671338c00dd8c6dc | How do I open things up with a therapist without fearing judgment and condescension? | I have several issues that I need to work through. However, I am afraid of and do not trust therapists after a horrible experience. I'm dealing with grief and guilt over losing my sons due to drug use. I have a very complicated traumatic relationship issue that is causing me severe anxiety and fear. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-open-things-up-with-a-therapist-without-fearing-judgment-and-condescension | Grief and Loss,Trauma,Anxiety | Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-cassity-lmsw-lmac | <p>I am sorry that you had this experience. Therapy should be a healthy positive experience off g growth.</p><p> You have the right to look for certain high qualities in a therapist and finding the right one. Each therapist is bound by a code of ethics and clients should have high expectations. You are trusting them to guide, support and help you achieve the absolute best outcome and success. </p><p>You should never be or feel judged, and you should feel comfortable and feel as though your therapy process is moving along with YOUR GOALS IN MIND. <br></p><p>Speaking as a therapist, I encourage my clients to always let me know how they feel, even if they disagree with me, they also have the right to inform me if something I'm doing simply is not working for them, communication is critical in maintaining a healthy therapeutic alliance/ therapeutic relationship. <br></p><p>I'm able to offer ways of thinking and strategies to my clients they may not have thought of. Its important to listen to my clients. It's also critical for clients to feel they can share in a environment that feels safe, non judgmental and confidential.<br></p><p>Remember, you are the driver in your healing process, you should be the one in control because you know what your life struggles are. Speaking as a therapist, I'm here to guide my clients toward achieving their goals, encouraging and empowering my clients in what is meaningful to them to achieve. You should feel comfortable speaking your thoughts, my advice would look one who open hearing toy feel, even it's regarding them a therapist. That they are open to feedback.<br></p><p>With all of that being said, it will take time to trust again but remember, ask questions and communicate with the next therapist share your experience and how it made you feel and that trust and being spoken in a respectful , non judgemental and non condnscending way is critical for you. Be honest clearly state your expectations from start. </p><p> I offer free 50 minute first sessions for clients. The reason. I do this is because I feel that clients deserve opportunity observe the environment, ask me questions and have the opportunity to determine their level of comfort and decide if it's a good fit. Other therapists sometimes offer the similar, try finding one willing to offer a consultation as that could give you the opportunity to feel things out and set forth expectations.</p><p>The article below is an excellent article about what to look for in a therapist. It is worth your time reading because you are WORTH FINDING THE BEST HELP AVAILABLE! <br></p><p>This article was written based on both evidence from research and clinical experience. I would strongly encourage anyone searching for help to read this and even use it as your guide. I hope this was helpful.</p><p>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201603/10-ways-spot-good-therapist</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p> | 0 |
579d62d3188cd61c1684e827 | How can I make the voices stop? | I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.
I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-the-voices-stop | Anxiety | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>First, let me express my support and compassion for what you're going through. Hearing voices can be incredibly difficult and can feel like you can't get a moment's peace, even in the privacy of your own mind. And not everyone will necessarily understand what you're dealing with, so I imagine you may also be feeling isolated or somehow different. Atta girl/boy on reaching out for help! </p><p>Many people find benefit to taking medications, such as risperdal, seroquel, and so on. These should be prescribed by a nurse practitioner or psychiatrist -- I do not recommend a primary care doctor venture into this area, as a general rule. Discuss the options thoroughly and insist on a good rapport with your prescriber, if you decide to go this route. </p><p>Some people are having results with a talk-therapist to develop coping strategies. There is a new and somewhat less conventional approach to challenging voices with a professional to assist you, rather than to suppress the voices, which medication will do. There is peer-run organization and a general approach that attempts to live with voices in a different way. You can read about it in Living With Voices by Marius Romme. I have heard interviews but have not read the book(s) and can't speak to its efficacy. </p><p>No matter what steps you decide to try, managing your stress, sleep, exercise, healthy food is <span style="font-weight: bold;">essential</span> -- in other words, just the daily care and feeding of yourself should be included in all of your efforts and bears surprising benefits to your brain and emotional health. </p><p>Best wishes to you,</p><p>Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC</p> | 0 |
5768b834008fce8e73e1ebcd | How do I deal with my alcoholic boyfriend with a dark past? | We're in an eight year relationship. My boyfriend drinks a lot. He experienced childhood trauma. I don't know how to deal with violent outbursts. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-alcoholic-boyfriend-with-a-dark-past | Anger Management,Relationships,Substance Abuse,Addiction | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us. </p><p>Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people with your boyfriend's experiences, the short, healthy answer is that you can't fix the situation and maybe not even be able to help. He needs a professional. Period. </p><p>What you <span style="font-style: italic;">can</span> do, is take care of yourself. With his background, it is not likely that he will be able to help you or take care of you in a healthy way. Your task needs to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trauma and substance abuse are the definition of being out of control, unable to set and manage appropriate boundaries, manage his own emotions and behaviors. So your boyfriend is unlikely to be able to change in the near-term, certainly not without professional help. You might also benefit from help and support, to understand your own role in your relationship and how you can make changes in your life. I am NOT blaming you for any aspect of your boyfriend's behavior, only acknowledging that there are two people in every relationship. If you have accepted your boyfriend's drinking and violent outbursts in the past (by staying in the relationship), that is likely to perpetuate his behavior. And there isn't any way to "handle violent outbursts." They shouldn't be handled at all, and if you have to be away from your boyfriend during his outbursts in order to be emotionally and physically safe, then that may be what you will have to do. </p><p>We can never really change anyone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. Sometimes our behavior changes the <span style="font-style: italic;">odds</span> of another person's behaviors, but it doesn't control it. I would recommend that you work with a professional to first, <span style="font-weight: bold;">ensure your own safety above all</span>. Then make decisions about what behavior you are willing to accept or be connected to, and which you want to separate from. Whatever your boyfriend does in his life, you will be happier if you manage your own feelings, set boundaries, etc. Let me say again that you also would benefit from some good insight and support as you continue your journey. </p><p>Wishing you and your boyfriend healing and recovery. </p> | 0 |
585599b3950e2507cf23dd9a | Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility? | My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.
I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility.
Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility | Family Conflict,Legal & Regulatory,Substance Abuse | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>Hello, My heart goes out to you, your brother, and your family, dealing with a very painful and difficult situation. </p><p>In New York, you can't institutionalize someone else directly. You can, however, call the police or EMS. If they agree that he would benefit from hospitalization (and it sounds like they would), he can be held in the hospital for up to 72 hours, whether he agrees or not. Some hospitals will not hold a person that long, in spite of what we might want. I have seen many patients in and out of hospitals countless times, and it has been my experience that it can be extremely difficult to hold a person long enough to achieve good stability and an appropriate after-care plan. Hospitals in NYC tend to take a "patch and release" approach more often than I would like. </p><p>It's been my experience that family makes a difference. Assertive, knowledgeable, persistent family can improve the quality of your loved one's care. Hospitals are highly pressured to discharge people quickly but they can not discharge a homeless person without someplace to go. If your family is willing to accept your brother, that will be the path of least resistance for the hospital. If the family refuses, they will be forced to find another path for him. You can also pressure the hospital to refer to rehab after psychiatrically stablized (which may only take a few days) and that may give your brother more time to begin making clear-headed decisions. </p><p>If your brother has a psychiatrist, that person should be actively involved. I had a patient patched-and-released three times, in spite of my advocacy and him literally <span style="font-style: italic;">begging</span> to remain and stop his voices. We finally got a 90 day hospitalization because I strong-armed his psychiatrist into demanding that the hospital stabilize his patient. </p><p>If your brother has a history of non--compliance with oral medications, you can push the hospital for injection, which again will help your brother stay stable for longer. </p><p>Best wishes to you and your family. </p> | 0 |
573a0c74dc68e0c40704b147 | How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-husband-get-over-his-drinking-addiction | Addiction | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <div>It's not easy to be married to an alcoholic and I want to extend my support to you. Without knowing the pattern of his substance use, I'll accept your description that he is an addict. </div><div><br></div><div>The short version is that his addiction is not in your hands. Period. However, addiction is a "family disease", so you are definitely connected to it. Most people benefit from professional help, whether they are the addict or the other person. You might read some material from al-anon to improve your insight into how addiction works within relationships. It is safe to say that you are likely to have a role as a "co-dependent" or "enabler". The most common pattern is doing overt and subtle things that insulate the addict from the consequences of their behaviors. From calling out sick for the person when they're hung-over to allowing money to pay for alcohol, to simply remaining in the relationship, these are all behaviors that make the addiction more likely to continue. </div><div><br></div><div>Change is difficult for all of us, especially when a physical dependency on a substance may be involved. But the awkward truth is that not one of us ever made a change unless we were in at least some pain. Pain in our present circumstance is a requirement to achieve change. By "enabling" your husband, you minimize that pain. Let me state again, though, that his addiction is not in your control and it's not for you to fix. You can, however, change your own behaviors in ways that might change his odds. Even if he does not get over his drinking addiction, as a general rule, you will be happier if you stop being a participant in it. </div><div><br></div><div>Many people find that an addiction removes the addict from the relationship -- they're not really there, even if they appear to be. At the same time, there's a third person -- the substance. Some people choose not to remain in a relationship that's constructed in this odd and off-balance way.</div><div><br></div><div>I hope that gives you some thought-starters but I would encourage you to seek in-person help from a local provider. And I wish for you and your husband recovery and well-being. Best regards,</div><div>Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> | 0 |
578f39718c7fea4365aac389 | I feel stuck in life. What can I do? | I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies
I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-stuck-in-life-what-can-i-do | Relationships,Family Conflict,Parenting,Stress | Marquita Johnson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson | <p>I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship. </p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Marquita Johnson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson | <p>It is difficult to implement healthy boundaries when the person is a parent or family member. I would encourage you to identify how it makes you feel after talking with your mother. Work on establishing healthy boundaries where you do not feel obligated to engage the complaining daily. Maybe setting a time limit to talk with your <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">mother and practicing how to be assertive and not disrespect or aggressive. Helping your mother understand how you feel using "I" statements i.e ( I feel _____ when you call to talk about my sister). Maybe asking your mom how can you be supportive of her during this time other than listening to her vent. It may also be helpful for your mother to get connected with support groups to help her cope with this life change. </span></p> | 0 |
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e | How can I best fight the winter blues? | Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues | Depression | Marquita Johnson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson | <p>Seasonal depression can be difficult due to the weather being a primary trigger. Understanding that we have very little control over the weather, therefore we can focus on the things we can change. Exercising, meditation, guided imagery, and deep breathing can be beneficial to combat seasonal depression. It may help to join a support group and seek out therapy to assist you on this healing journey.</p> | 0 |
57980934b43cd7825e26e253 | How do I move on? | I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2 | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Goldstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein | <p>The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal. That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact. In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings. Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.</p><p>Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different. The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns. Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself. <br></p> | 0 |
5760b58416780993511710e0 | How do I handle being wanted in a relationship when I'm used to feeling unwanted? | I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-being-wanted-in-a-relationship-when-i-m-used-to-feeling-unwanted | Self-esteem,Relationships | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi! Thank you for your question. It's tough to be in a healthy and loving relationship when we believe we are not worth it. Quite often being in such a relationship is very uncomfortable as it goes against everything we believe about ourselves. </p><p>First, I want to say you are very brave to open up yourself to the relationship with this wonderful woman you met. </p><p>Second, I would like to invite you to treat yourself with compassion as you are entering this unknown territory for yourself. Doing something new and totally unfamiliar can be scary, so it's vital that you are kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that what you are doing is scary and uncomfortable and that it will take some time to get used to it. </p><p>Don't judge yourself and force yourself to feel a certain way. It's important that you are patient with yourself and tolerant of your discomfort. With time, space, kindness, and tolerance your discomfort and fear will start to dissolve. Invite your new partner to also relate to your feelings in the open and compassionate way. </p><p><br></p><p>The worst thing that you or your partner can do is to rush your feelings, pressure you to feel in a different way or to say that there is something wrong with you cause you feel a certain way. Please be gentle with yourself and celebrate and acknowledge every small victory. Every time you do something little, like holding hands or receive a compliment and it no longer scares you as it did a week ago - celebrate that progress! </p> | 0 |
5799501eb43cd7825e26e297 | PTSD is impacting my whole life. | I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.
How can I get my life back? | https://counselchat.com/questions/ptsd-is-impacting-my-whole-life | Trauma | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi there, </p><p>I hear you, PTSD has a very debilitating effect on your whole life. I know that from personal experience. Recovering from it is possible and doable! </p><p>First is step is to acknowledge to yourself that your PTSD symptoms are a normal reaction to an abnormal and traumatic event. The nightmares, the anxiety, the heightened startle response - are all typical human responses following exposure to a frightening event. It's important that you don't blame yourself or your body for reacting this way, rather approach yourself with compassion and kindness that you would extend a friend who is hurting. </p><p>The second step is to start taking steps towards healing. I would really encourage you to see a counselor or therapist specializing in trauma recovery so that you have a guided, step by step support. But if this is not an option, you can begin your healing on your own using a step-by-step approach outlined in the book,<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Trauma-Pioneering-Program-Restoring/dp/159179658X"> Healing Trauma, by Peter Levin</a>. It's a very hands-on book and even comes with a CD audio guide. It has concrete exercises that you can do to help you eliminate dissociation, feel grounded, and decrease your anxiety response. I have used myself and with my clients with great success! </p><p>You can begin your recovery journey now with this video with Peter Levin's approach to Trauma Recovery: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc</a></p><p>One last thing, I suggest consulting with a nutritionist or a doctor to help you boost your healing with supplements, vitamins, and minerals. The stress from PTSD is very draining on the body, and you use up a lot of energy and resources, so at times of trauma supplements are quite necessary for recovery (Magnesium, Omega 3, Zinc, Vitamin C....etc)</p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Linda Spyres | https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-spyres | <p>This sounds like a possible boundary issue. Boundaries are important in relationships. They are invisible lines that we will or will not cross. It is up to us to create and hold them. We have the ability to rethink them and change them as needed. It sounds like you have thought it through and would like to makes changes in the relationship between your mother and you. In the main question, you want to avoid the family member, however in the following comment, it sounds like you may just want the avoid that conversation, not so much your mother. </p><p>Once we review the issue and decide what we need (create the boundary), I suggest opening talking with the person when everyone is calm (not in the middle of a stressful moment when we often are unable to focus and hear the other person). Always understanding that we had time to think about this issue and the other person has not (catching them off guard). State clearly your need. Such as "I am not comfortable with hearing about my sister. It stresses me out. I would appreciate it if you would not bring it up anymore. If you do, I will not respond and I will change the subject " It is important to use "I" statements. I feel" this way". I will "do this". We only have power over our actions. Also when we use "you " comments, the other person can become defensive and unable to hear what we are saying. </p><p>Once we let ourselves know what we need, then let the other people know our new boundary, then it is up to us to follow through. We will make mistakes. Not follow through every time with our boundary. That is okay. Start again. It gets easier with practice. It is also appropriate to reconsider and change your boundary as needed. Just let the others know when you need to change it. Remember, they can not read our minds. </p><p>I wish you much strength and hope the best for you and your family.</p><p>www.parishhealthandwellness.com</p> | 0 |
5775c7b072f4321a37b641c2 | I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day. | I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.
In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.
But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day | Substance Abuse,Social Relationships | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an "addict" or "alcoholic." You might have a "problem" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. </p><p>I don't have information to know if "addiction" or "dependence" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation. </p><p>One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">disease of avoidance</span>. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. </p><p>Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. </p><p>I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness. </p> | 0 |
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f | How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? | My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife | Parenting,Relationship Dissolution | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>You're in a difficult situation and on behalf of you and your child, I commend you for trying to find the right thing to do.</p><p>Short version: your child needs you as much as possible. period. Always. We used to think that children were almost always harmed by divorce, unless there was extreme conflict or violence. More recent data shows that children are not necessarily harmed by divorce <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">if they keep both their parents. </span>In other words, the damaging part is losing half of themselves and losing the value of being connected to everyone who loves them, especially the other parent, in addition to the extra benefit there is from the other parent's perspective, strengths and so on. </p><p>The best thing for your child is for you to be available and loving and doing everything possible to allow the child to be whole - a person who incorporates BOTH parents. It's a tragedy for everyone to use a child to achieve adult aims, like getting back at a former spouse. In such a circumstance, your child needs you more than ever. If you and your wife have different rules and so on, your child will learn to adjust and adapt, just as they would if you remained in the household. A child quickly learns that they talk to mom about x,y,z or get away with whatever, but has different rules with dad. He/she will not be too confused in the long run. </p><p>Please stay the course in dealing with a difficult ex-wife for you and your child's wellbeing. Best of luck to all.</p> | 0 |
564107a589f229480fbaad11 | My parents are getting a divorce and I feel depressed. | I am going through a very hard time and I'm so depressed. My parents are getting a divorce and a lot of bad things are happening. I want to lull myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-parents-are-getting-a-divorce-and-i-feel-depressed | Relationship Dissolution ,Depression | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>It sounds like a tough time and it's normal to feel down when your family is going through a divorce or other hardship. There's a difference between feelings like sadness, discouragement, grief, loneliness and depression, though. Sadness is sadness and sometimes we have to go through a grieving or other process, that is a normal reaction to events in our lives. Depression, on the other hand, is more about being stuck. </p><p>Lulling yourself with self-care sounds like a healthy response and a way to give yourself support. So as to the uncomfortable but healthy part of your feelings, do the best you can to put names to it and share with a trusted other person. You will find comfort. </p><p>The part of your situation that's depression -- feeling stuck, not able to get out of bad, concentrate, changes in sleeping and eating, loss of enjoyment in living, poor hygiene, feelings of hopelessness, that's different. First step, identify your own symptoms of depression. If you have any thoughts of hurting yourself, tell someone. If you're not sure, you can try 800-lifenet or other support line to get feedback. </p><p>First aid for depression includes: daily care and feeding, good sleeping and eating, lots of exercise--<span style="font-style: italic;">even when you don't feel like it--</span> healthy socializing, and focusing on talking to yourself in a positive way. If you aren't able to move yourself out of your depression, work with a professional to make short-term goals and get some support. You may also talk to your doctor or psychiatrist about trying an anti-depressant to give you a little lift while you go through a rough patch.</p><p>Best wishes,</p><p>Karen</p> | 0 |
5760b58416780993511710e0 | How do I handle being wanted in a relationship when I'm used to feeling unwanted? | I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-being-wanted-in-a-relationship-when-i-m-used-to-feeling-unwanted | Self-esteem,Relationships | Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc | <p>You're in a lot of good company and it's great that you're in a positive relationship. Congratulations!</p><p>I often hear people talk about loving yourself and self esteem. We often seem to blame ourselves for not "loving ourselves" enough or put ourselves down for having low self esteem. It seems to me that since we are essentially socially beings and in fact, need each other for our survival, we really know who we are through our many interactions with others and with our environment. In other words, you can't just snap your fingers and voila! now I love myself, where there was an empty space or self-doubt before. We grow that warm coal inside ourselves through the friction of contact with others who value and validate us. </p><p>Allow yourself to be patient with yourself as you experience this new relationship. You are learning a new model of who you are and how you fit into the world. What a marvelous gift for you! </p><p>You may also have fears that the current joys may be temporary or unreliable. These fears of loss may get in your way, however understandable. If you are truly close to your companion, you can share with her that you are loving your relationship but sometimes fear it will go away and sometimes have trouble really trusting it. Such a conversation may bring you both closer. </p><p>Hang in there. You're working on co-creating a new normal with a great woman. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Laurel Fay | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laurel-fay-2 | <p>It is totally normal - you have a lot riding on this and you're invested! Think about why you feel so shaky - is it something about the therapist or their style? If so, it would be a good idea to talk with them about it so you feel more at ease. In any case bringing up your feelings about therapy <span style="font-style: italic;">in</span> therapy is totally appropriate and even necessary. Good luck!</p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Marquita Johnson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson | <p>I would be more concerned with how is this being addressed in therapy. Therapy can be a rewarding process, however often times we do not pay much attention to the messages being sent to our bodies. I believe in somatic therapy which deals with our mind & body connection. I would think it may not be a question of normal or abnormal however if it is impacting you then you must pay attention to that. It would be helpful to explore the feelings you're having with your therapist. It may be something that needs addressing to help alleviate those feelings or have a better understanding of why they are showing up when it is time for therapy. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Thank you for your question. It's completely normal and natural to feel nervous before a therapy session. Many people report having felt this way. </p><p>I can't say enough regarding the amount of courage it takes to reach out and attend a therapy session. For many people, it can take weeks, months, or even years of contemplating whether to see a therapist or not before actually contacting one and attending the first session. It takes courage to want to work through any struggles you may be having or personal growth you aspire toward. </p><p>In your question, you mentioned that you've "gone several times and are still feeling nervous and shaky." If you feel comfortable with your therapist and it's a good fit for you, I would suggest talking about this with your therapist. You don't have to struggle each time you have your appointment. Together, you and your therapist can work toward helping you have a different experience. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Linda Spyres | https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-spyres | <p>Everyone has different experiences going to therapy. Being nervous can be a typical emotion one might feel. Emotions are our body's way of telling us important information about ourselves. I would suggest talking openly in your sessions about this. That way you can process your thoughts and feelings with the guidance of your counselor. There are probably underlining emotions (fears or insecurities) that are being stirred up during your therapy sessions. Your counselor might suggest individual counseling depending on what you learn about your anxiety. In individual therapy you would have time to deal with your own stressors. As you address your issues, then you will have tools and skills that will be useful in addressing the couple relationship. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi there, </p><p>Thank you for your question. It's absolutely ok to feel nervous going to therapy. I have experienced anxiety going to see my own therapist. There can be a few reasons why you might feel this way. </p><p>First, it is always unnerving to see a person who is a stranger and to share intimate things with that stranger. You mentioned it has only been a couple of sessions. Your anxiety might subside as you continue to see your therapist and grow more comfortable with him/her. </p><p>Another reason why you might feel particularly nervous is perhaps you are not comfortable sharing things. As children, we might have bad experiences opening up to others. Someone might bully or ridicule us, and that experience can stay with us for a long time, making it extra scary to share our intimate feelings and thoughts with others. If this the case, as you continue with your sessions and have positive interactions with your therapists, this anxiety will subside with time and you will re-learn that it is safe to share. </p><p>And the last thought why you might feel the shakes is perhaps you know that you need to talk about some past experiences or memories that are uncomfortable and difficult. </p><p>Regardless of the reason, it might help you to bring up your nervousness in your session and share how you feel with your therapist. Having an open dialogue about your anxiety with your therapist can help you resolve some of that anxiety and built greater trust with your therapist. </p> | 0 |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi there, </p><p>Thank you for your openness about the challenge you are experiencing in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of many people's life, but how much importance is placed on it varies from couple to couple. </p><p>The first step would be to have an open conversation with your husband. It's important you are both open about what you desire from sexual intimacy and how much intimacy each one of you wants. For example, asking your husband how often does he want to have sex/ week or /month. When having this conversation, it's important that you are both respectful and open with each other. The point of the conversation is to get to know each other and not to solve a problem, yet. </p><p>There are couples who enjoy fulfilling platonic/friendship relationships with minimal or no sex because both partners are not interested in it. If you are both on the same page - lack of sex might not be a problem. </p><p>If there is a difference in your sex drive and frequency of desire, I would recommend seeing a professional relationship & sex therapist as a couple to help you explore your current sexual dynamic, what's creating it, what's getting in a way of connecting sexually and to assist you and your husband in finding creative solutions. </p> | 0 |
57980934b43cd7825e26e253 | How do I move on? | I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2 | Relationship Dissolution | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Hi, </p><p>Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery: </p><p>1. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them. </p><p>2. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional pain. Take care of yourself, keep yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster. </p><p>3. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." </p><p>4. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new. </p><p>5. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders. </p><p>6. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Lauren Goldstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein | <p>"Normal" can be an insidious word to use because it can undermine your sense of worth. It implies there's one particular way you should be behaving and can leave you feeling crappy and "abnormal" if you're not behaving according to that prescribed standard. </p><p>Instead, what I'd recommend is to pay attention to your emotional experiences when you're attending therapy. Explore your feelings and thoughts without judgement and try to reflect and understand what's going on that's causing you anxiety. Once you figure out the underlying meaning of the anxiety, you can figure out a way to handle it and action steps to take to diminish it. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Keith Hughes | https://counselchat.com/therapists/keith-hughes | <p>Hello there. You ask about being nervous and shaky walking in to your therapy session and want to know if its normal? ... I realize there a few ways to look at this. I presume you weren't anticipating feeling this way; and probably hoped to feel the opposite.. Well, my initial response is yes, sure, it can be within reason to feel this way. Have you been in therapy before? Is this somewhat new? That could be part of the reason. But either way; new or not, I think when are entering into a meeting that holds potential evaluation of deep things about you and your heart and soul, it can cause anyone to tremble. The soul can be anticipating some things could be shaken up here, and it can feel scary to look at these things and then change. Looking deep at our life can feel daunting and scary; so your response just might be regards to potential growth trying to happen. </p><p>OR, is there something about the therapist you don't feel confident about? This too might be in play as a reason for your feelings... Maybe you lack confidence in that therapist ? Have you let your therapist know how you feel? That would be good to explore...</p><p>I would like to encourage you to look at these ideas. Hope it helps. Let me know</p><p>Kindly,</p><p>keith</p><p>keithcounseling.com<br></p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>It's normal to feel a little anxiety--after all it's an important encounter for you. My suggestion is to discuss this with your therapist, let him/her know how you're feeling, especially if you feel as though your level of anxiety is impacting the quality and benefit of your sessions. You might try some relaxation techniques prior to starting the session, deep breathing, progressive relaxation, core muscle dis-engagement--If you're not familiar with these techniques ask your therapist or write back.</p> | 0 |
574f7aacc792dd6c7063e578 | How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? | I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-overcome-an-embarrassing-mistake-and-forgive-yourself | Self-esteem | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>As far as I can tell, you received unwanted attention, but you didn't do anything wrong. What did your instructor say? Anything? If the outfit was not appropriate then the instructor should tell you--If he/she didn't then assume the swimsuit was okay, but the gentleman in the class wanted your attention and took it upon himself to comment, in order to get that attention. If you don't want his attention then you have a couple of choices--wear a shirt over the swim top, find an inexpensive swim top to replace the one you have, or wear what you have as long as the instructor doesn't say anything, and if you get unwanted attention say in as confident, slightly loud, voice as you can muster. "I don't appreciate your critique of what I'm wearing, we're here to take a class, let's just focus on that. Then, Turn on your heel and walk away.</p> | 0 |
577189ba3c9e6b307a8ae61f | How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife? | My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-i-handle-the-child-i-had-with-my-ex-wife | Parenting,Relationship Dissolution | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>If you have a good relationship with your child then you have already accepted and been accepted as this child's parent and you have a commitment and an obligation to play that role. If you suddenly absent yourself from this child's life then you may be doing real damage. Working out an arrangement with the child's mother for regular visits the child can count on and committed to by both parents will serve the best interest of the child, which I assume is what both parents are truly concerned with. The visits don't have to be every day, once a week, even once a month, is better than hit and miss with long absences in between. Best of luck to you, and the fact that you asked the question says volumes about your parenting potential. Feel free to follow up with me, on line or in person.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>Have the two of you ever discussed how you feel? I know given the nature of your question that's probably not likely, but I'm going to suggest it any way. He needs to understand that how you feel about this issue equates to not being as happy in the relationship as you could be or he thinks you are. So start there, that may be more of an attention getter than "you never listen to me" yes I do etc. Direct opener: I'm not as happy in this relationship as I think we both deserve. Pause, and if you won't let me talk about it then it's only going to get worse. Then explain you don't feel listened to, you try to be a good listener but you don't feel you are getting the same in return. If he interrupts put your hand up in the sign of a stop, then say please just let me finish. You are right to raise this subject with him because a good marriage can't exist in a communication vacuum. In fairness to him, he needs to understand the seriousness of your concern and have a chance to do better. If he refuses, tell him you want to seek couples counseling then do it, with him or without him.</p> | 0 |
569d6905de405677109cb5cf | I'm attracted to my boss. | I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-attracted-to-my-boss | Relationships,Workplace Relationships | Lauren Goldstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein | <p>There are many possible ways dating your boss could go awry and jeopardize your occupational well-being so my recommendation is to hold off on presenting your boss with a personalized gift and instead focus on building attraction and romantic interest with someone who is not at the workplace. </p><p>Sometimes the element of power and unavailability can heighten our sexual interest but that doesn't mean it's a healthy idea to pursue someone who is in a position of power over you at your workplace. </p> | 0 |
55723117a03de6c365f45c1a | How can I get people to listen? | I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-people-to-listen | Anxiety,Family Conflict,Depression,Stress,Social Relationships | Dr. Bonnie Howell | https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-bonnie-howell | <p>I'm sorry you feel so alone and isolated, those feelings in and of themselves can lead to depression, stress and anxiety. So job one is finding someone you can talk to. A good friend or an open parent can be as helpful as a professional counselor, but if you don't have those, then by all means call your local Mental Health Association, suicide prevention, or go see your school counseling department. There are many of us now who do on-line, FaceTime, phone counseling so that is an option to consider in your situation. On the other hand, If you want to script a conversation with your parents (I'm a great believer in scripting) not that you're going to read it to them, but if you write down exactly what you want to say, read it over a few times before you're ready to have the conversation. Why? You'll be much more likely to do it if you're prepared, and you'll have a better chance of saying everything you want to say in a calm but forceful way. The same with your friends--you are probably a great listener and therefore attract people who want to talk--so you need to let these friends know you need something in return. If you practice asking for equal talk time, then perhaps these friends will respond and surprise you, or if you make those demands you'll start attracting people who are looking for equality in friendships. Now back to that script--first decide do you want to talk to both parents at once, or one at a time. Then begin to write down the points you want to make such as: I love you, and I know you love me but I don't feel as though I can trust your love to be unconditional enough to tell you who I really am, and how I really feel. Find your own words to describe your own feelings. If I can help, get in touch. You are right to reach out starting here, there are no prizes for suffering in silence and, as you already know, little joy in going it alone. </p> | 0 |
579d7cbc188cd61c1684e82c | How can I be less dependent on my boyfriend? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him. It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him.
How can I be less dependent on my him? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-dependent-on-my-boyfriend | Relationships | Lauren Goldstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein | <p>Recognizing that you're too dependent on your boyfriend can be a wakeup call and an excellent opportunity to work on your own personal growth and independence. It sounds like it's time to explore and develop your own interests and engage in some activities that excite and challenge you. If you have time, it could be useful to begin a new activity or class, cultivate friendships outside of your relationship with your boyfriend, and begin to reflect and meditate on ways to enhance your own personal fulfillment.</p> | 0 |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Lauren Goldstein | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein | <p>In order to develop a better intimate connection with your husband, it's important to first cultivate a strong connection with yourself. I would take some time to explore your own body, notice what feels pleasurable, and play with different ways to achieve orgasm on your own. Explore your own willingness to be open emotionally, sexually, and to play and have fun.</p><p><br></p><p>Once you've engaged in a process of self exploration, I would check in with yourself and be honest about why you're not enjoying sex. Are there specific reasons you're not enjoying sex with your husband? Sometimes the reasons might be of a sexual nature and other times there could be emotional blocks (or anxiety) or other reasons that prevent you from wanting to be fully open and let go with your partner. </p><p><br></p><p>From a sexual perspective, I would explore what you can do to increase your own pleasure, learn ways to communicate your needs in a loving way, and focus on pleasure and play (rather than outcome and orgasm). Begin by taking the pressure off orgasm and enjoy a naked massage together-- focusing on exploring what feels pleasurable. Lastly, if you're wanting to learn new skills, check out a local sex workshop. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Tracy Howland | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tracy-howland | <p>It is absolutely a typical response. Many of my clients are nervous the first couple of times we meet. This is essentially a stranger with whom you are sharing your feelings. <br></p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Frank Walker | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | <p>of I would love to know a little bit more about what's going on in your life but I will attempt an answer.Yes, you could still be shaky and nervous going to therapy. This therapy thing your doing is sometimes scary. </p><p>First, because your opening up things that you might have never wanted to. </p><p>Second, your still building a relationship with this therapist person. You may never get over that. The therapist really can't be your "friend". They are there to push the buttons that you might not want pushed and help you heal. That in itself is scary and can make you anxious. </p><p>Third, you really never know where this therapy thing will go. Yes, there are goals. But sometimes side roads need to be taken and sometimes that is scary.</p><p>Know this you are in the right place. You are taking steps to change. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-cassity-lmsw-lmac | <p>Hello. First, I am so sorry you are experiencing these feelings. They can be intense, I will do my best to offer some suggestions or thoughts that I hope will be helpful to you. </p><p>There could be a number of things occurring. Therapy is a delicate, private decision and I would first like to commend you for the fact that you are not giving up, that you are working to figure this out, and make this work, it sounds like you are engaged and motivated to receive support from a professional, your continued dedication and motivation will take you far. </p><p>I would first start by asking if you have discussed this with your therapist, if you feel comfortable enough telling your therapist what is going on, maybe inform the therapist that that you feel nervous and shaky. I am a firm believer in open communication between the client and therapist as this builds a healthy therapeutic relationship that yields positive outcomes, if this can be obtained and well received. </p><p>This is YOUR time for healing and therapy should be a safe, supportive environment to not only process but to seek support and guidance from a professional who can help you move past the barriers. If you feel you are comfortable and able to speak to your therapist, that would be my first suggestion, is to tell he or she how you are feeling. If they know then they can help determine the potential cause and allow you to process and move forward. If this is left un resolved it will be hard for you to move forward. </p><p>If you are not comfortable discussing this with your therapist, this may be something to take into consideration and worthy of thinking about: why you are not comfortable speaking to the therapist. I understand this is difficult. If I may offer one more suggestion, breathing exercises are very beneficial. Remind yourself what you are working to achieve, close your eyes in a safe moment and breathe in and out slowly, in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth with pursed lips. Breathe in for approximately 5-10 seconds, then let it out slowly. Be sure and do this when you are in private, and feel safe environment. When you begin, I suggest putting your hand on your stomach, over your belly button to feel yourself actually taking in those deep breaths. I know it may sound kind of silly but they really work and are incredibly helpful. We often forget to breathe, especially when we are feeling anxious. </p><p>You are supported here and try taking yourself through the above thought process and breathing and practice the breathing several times a day. I hope this shaky and uneasy feeling eases. Wishing you the very best!</p><p>Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5696bf3547d3646166253664 | How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future? | I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-having-past-traumatic-experiences-affect-my-present-and-future | Trauma,Family Conflict | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>In general, our past is always somewhat alive and does inform our present experiences. All past experiences, both positive and negative are what have brought you where you are today, physically and emotionally. </p><p>That being said, your father's behavior does not have to define you or your future. You have power over your life and your future. By learning more about yourself, you can learn to incorporate your past into your present life, without being defined by past traumas. </p><p>The best way to grow and learn how to do this is to talk with someone about your experiences. By talking about your past and present struggles with a trusted confidante or helping professional you will hopefully learn how to be at peace with your past. </p> | 0 |
579e4020188cd61c1684e837 | I'm very depressed? | I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed | Depression | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>If there is no one in your life with whom you feel comfortable, I would recommend identifying someone on this site, psychology today or goodtherapy.org who is in your area, then give that therapist a call to see if you would be a good match. </p> | 0 |
56907b2d18f87bc857570ebd | How can I not miss my boyfriend while he's in Ireland? | My boyfriend is in Ireland for 11 days, and I am an emotional wreck. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-not-miss-my-boyfriend-while-he-s-in-ireland | Relationships | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close. Do you typically spend most of your time together? </p><p>If so, it may be important to reflect on how you feel when you are apart. If any separation is difficult, you may need to examine why. Think about what it is that you miss and what you are anxious, upset or worried about. If you examine the causes of your distress you likely will experience some relief. </p><p> It is important to learn how to be happy when you are alone, it will only improve the way you feel when you are with your boyfriend. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Patti Thompson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/patti-thompson-2 | <p>Certainly. </p> | 0 |
563eb7eeee10a9b164244a0c | Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend because he called me a particular profanity? | My boyfriend called me a particular profanity and I broke up with him. This is the third time he's called me this and I'm just completely done with giving him chances. He knows how much it bothers me. I just want to know if I'm over reacting. | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-overreacting-by-breaking-up-with-my-boyfriend-because-he-called-me-a-particular-profanity | Relationships | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>It sounds like you are reacting to an issue in communication patterns, rather than a particular word. The ability to listen considerately to your partner and to have your partner listen to you is one of the keystones of a successful relationship. If your partner is not listening to, acknowledging and remembering your wishes, that is likely an indicator of some fissures in the foundation of the relationship. </p> | 0 |
587d14b8152ba8625f40048a | How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.
His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past | Relationships,Intimacy,Spirituality | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.</p><p>I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.</p><p>Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.</p><p>It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way.</p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Well, it's generally okay to feel anxious or nervous about going into therapy, particularly in the beginning because the process of being open about what you are going through, much less to someone who you don't know well, can be anxiety-producing. It's also common to feel anxious when you are discussing something that is important, difficult to discuss, or you are making changes that are very difficult for you.</p><p>The most important thing I can tell you, though, is to discuss with your therapist this idea that you feel nervous and shaky. Some anxiety can actually help to motivate or lead you toward change. There are also level of anxiety that can be counterproductive, so it's a good thing to discuss. Personally, I can tell you that I would want my clients to tell me about anxiety they feel 100% of the time. That opens the dialog to discuss whether it is the level of anxiety that they want to sit with and learn about in discovering more about themselves and their experiences and/or whether they would like to do something to lessen the feeling of anxiety.</p><p>Thanks for writing here. If it caused anxiety for you to do so, I hope that feeling is diminishing for you, at least related to writing here.</p> | 0 |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Thanks for writing. There are many different house of things that may be helpful here. I can give you some general ideas, but if some of these things don't get you to where you would like to go, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples:</p><ul><li>Remember that you can only guarantee change in yourself. You can ask him to make changes, but you can't control whether he does or not. You can control your reactions and what you do about your own thoughts, feelings, and actions in the relationship.</li><li>If you're going to talk about something important or you really want him to listen, first ask whether this is a good time.</li><li>Try to talk to him without blaming, finger-pointing, or asking him to change (this can be difficult, but it also opens a lot of doors for effective discussions).</li><li>Be mindful of your packaging. By that, I mean that you may have a very important message that you're trying to get across. If you able to say it in a way that is clear and wrapped in such a way that he can hear what you're actually saying, that is helpful. If you are talking in ways that are angry, or as I sometimes say, wrapped in spikes, that can be difficult to hear and receive. Rather than hearing what you're actually trying to get across, he may just hear the fact that you are angry.</li><li>If your husband is able to listen to you and/or restate what you are saying and get it right or close to right, let him know what that feels like to you and how important it is.</li><li>If you're asking questions, try to avoid "why" question and use "what makes, how, when, where, who" instead. Questions starting with "why" can not only be difficult to answer, but can also trigger a lot of emotions that some people are not ready to deal with right away.</li><li>Also, keep in mind that listening and being able to reflect what you are saying does not imply agreement. This may be something that would be good to discuss with your husband – just because he is hearing what you're saying doesn't mean that he's agreeing with you.</li><li>Lastly, but importantly, some people really don't know how to listen effectively. There are people who just are not taught to do that until much later in their lives. Sometimes listening to someone can actually be very vulnerability-producing. It may be helpful to ask your husband if he knows what makes him struggle with being able to listen if you notice that he's really struggling.</li></ul> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Robert Hammel | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robert-hammel-2 | <p>For some people it's absolutely normal to feel nervous about coming to therapy. It's sometimes hard to share our emotions and feelings with someone --- no matter how warm and caring the therapist is. Are you comfortable with your therapist? Is it a good relational fit? Maybe this is a good thing to discuss with your specific therapist at the beginning of your next session --- maybe they can help you find some strategies or tools to make it easier? </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57980934b43cd7825e26e253 | How do I move on? | I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2 | Relationship Dissolution | Robert Hammel | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robert-hammel-2 | <p>Breaking up can be a very difficult thing. I'm sorry you're feeling badly. The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc. Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse. If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it! It's important to concentrate on you and not them. Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life --- what is still good? Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you feel hope? If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling. If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life? Maybe contact a therapist or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time? </p> | 0 |
579e4020188cd61c1684e837 | I'm very depressed? | I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed | Depression | Robert Hammel | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robert-hammel-2 | <p>Sorry to hear you are feeling that way. Is there a 24-hour helpline where you are that you can call? Here is a website with some numbers to call: https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/ You could talk to your family doctor and they could help you find a therapist? You could also use this website to find a therapist. https://therapists.psychologytoday.com. I sincerely hope you find someone to talk to. </p> | 0 |
5850880c950e2507cf23dd3e | How can I best fight the winter blues? | Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-best-fight-the-winter-blues | Depression | Melissa Austin | https://counselchat.com/therapists/melissa-austin | <p>Change your total daily routine, different route, different lunch, different afternoon. Sit outside for 10 minutes three times every day, use a therapy light during the day, aroma-therapy oils for stimulation, but....keep your routine bedtimes and wake up times......and exercise at least 3 times per week, if after several weeks you are not feeling better....talk with your doctor.<br></p> | 0 |
5762b25dca5745ed07aa1494 | How can I find myself again? | I just don't know what I want in life anymore. I'm can't figure out what it is that is keeping me distracted and unfocused. I can't put things into perspective at all. I'm just stuck, and I'm disappointed with my lack of accomplishments. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-find-myself-again | Self-esteem,Depression | Viktoria Ivanova | https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova | <p>Thank you for sharing! It can be very disorienting not to know what you want and where you are headed. Sometimes we are so focused on something we haven't achieved yet or on comparing ourselves to others that we lose touch with what we actually want and need. At times like this, it's important to go back to basics. </p><p>Try out this simple exercise, take a few minutes to write down all your present responsibilities. For example: make meals, complete homework...etc. Then in the column next to it, write down the things that you do for yourself to recharge yourself and to enjoy your time. </p><p>Is your list of responsibilities way longer than your list of stuff you do for yourself? It is easy to get lost in the sea of responsibilities and disconnect from what you want and need. To fix that, write another list of things that you enjoyed doing in the past for yourself and start incorporating them into your schedule on a regular basis. This will help you re-connect with yourself, and bring focus and clarity to your life.</p> | 0 |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p>Unfortunately you can't directly change another person's behavior. However, you can give him feedback on how his not listening impacts you. The best way to provide feedback is in 3 parts. The first part is telling him the emotion you are experiencing when he doesn't listen, such as hurt, sad, and unloved. I would stay away from feelings such as frustrated, angry and irritated and use a more vulnerable emotion. The second part is what he does specifically to make you feel that way, be specific! Example: when I get home and tell you about my day and you don't look away from the tv. Be objective as possible when you describe his behavior. And the last part is the most important, tell him what you want him to do, and again be specific! Example: I would rather you turn off the tv, give me eye contact and reassure me about my day. Here is an example with all 3 parts together: I feel hurt when you don't say anything to me when I tell you about my fight with my friend, I want you to hug me and tell me you understand how I feel. Hope that helps!!</p> | 0 |
5766784320c0173024ce0bc6 | Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion | Grief and Loss,Relationships | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p><p>Yes, it is completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions after a major loss. Healing can occur in stages. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed the concept of the five stages of grief:</p></p><ol><li>Denial - Unable to believe the reality of the loss.</li><li>Anger - Wanting to blame somebody or something, having thoughts like "this isn't fair!" and "why me?"</li><li>Bargaining - Hope that you can somehow avoid the cause of grief with a promise to compromise or change.</li><li>Depression - Feeling sad, discouraged, and/or hopeless.</li><li>Acceptance - Being able to remember with love rather than pain.</li></ol><p>The stages are not linear and not everyone experiences all five stages in this order. This 5-stage model is meant to help normalize the grieving process and educate individuals that you have to let yourself feel your way through your grief. It can help to work with a trained professional counselor to guide and support you on your path to healing. </p> | 0 |
5663a2030901991a77b20868 | What makes my husband so selfish when it comes to my feelings? | If I tell him I don't like certain things, he does when it pertains to me. He tells me it's not like that. He never has anything to say about me until I tell him something about himself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-my-husband-so-selfish-when-it-comes-to-my-feelings | Marriage | Laura Salinas | https://counselchat.com/therapists/laura-salinas | <p>It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband. Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up. It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using "I" statements (I feel----when you---). This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person. If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>If you have only been to a couple of sessions, it makes sense that you might still feel apprehensive at first. Therapy is hard work! You may be talking about some things that you never talked to anyone about before. Opening up to stranger can be scary. After you feel comfortable with your counselor, and trust has built up and you feel understood in session, you should feel more relaxed. I would encourage you to talk to your counselor about feeling a little shaky. Sharing what the process is like for you is important in your work. If you still feel unsure about sharing after several sessions, it is important to take a look at that and try to understand where that may be coming from. For example, are you and the therapist not a good fit? But, again if you are just starting out in working together, feeling a little bit nervous makes perfect sense, and I encourage you to give it a bit more time and to talk to your therapist about how you are feeling.</p> | 0 |
57610b6316780993511710ea | Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom? | I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-nothing-more-than-a-wife-and-mom | Family Conflict,Depression,Self-esteem | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>It is not easy being a wife and mother. You have shifted roles in your life. You went from having a career to focusing on your family. Transitioning can be hard, especially when we feel we gave something up that we really wanted. I want to acknowledge you for wanting to be the best wife and mother you can. I think it is great that you are self-aware and want to work on this.</p><p>Feeling "unhappy and trapped" may also mean that you are believing these negative thoughts are absolutely true. We have lots and lots of thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes we pay a lot of attention to some and some we ignore. Right now these thoughts are getting a lot of your attention and perhaps you are thinking because you are thinking them they are true. Is it really true that you trapped? You also said that you have an amazing life. It doesn't sound like you are only having negative thoughts. You have some positive ones, too. However, you are giving a lot of weight to the negative thoughts, more weight than the positive ones.</p><p>I also wonder if you are struggling with the fact that you are even having this thought. One thing that can be helpful is to recognize that you are having a thought, that it is a negative thought, that thinking it does not make it true, and to let it go. This is the basis for mindfulness work that can be really helpful. It is a great place for you to start so you can balance out your thoughts and emotions.</p><p>Best of luck to you!</p> | 0 |
587d14b8152ba8625f40048a | How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.
His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past | Relationships,Intimacy,Spirituality | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past. We can connect with the things we love about them, too.<br><br>I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.</p><p>Best of luck to you both! <br></p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Catherine Hodge | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge | <p>Yes, it is completely normal to feel anxious about therapy. Therapy often explores topics and feelings that are uncomfortable. The ultimate goal of therapy is to feel better but the process itself can be uncomfortable.</p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Jill Barnett Kaufman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jill-barnett-kaufman | <p>It is absolutely normal to be nervous about therapy. Many people take years to make the decision to start counseling and although it is a safe place to explore feelings, it may be the first time you are facing certain issues. It takes courage to face issues head on. Being nervous is part of the process. The fact that you are continuing to go to therapy sessions despite feeling nervous demonstrates your strength. Keep it up!</p> | 0 |
57980934b43cd7825e26e253 | How do I move on? | I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2 | Relationship Dissolution | Jill Barnett Kaufman | https://counselchat.com/therapists/jill-barnett-kaufman | <p>Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying. When relationships end, however, it can be devastating. It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup. Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief. You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time. Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal. Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends. After some time you should start feeling better. If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.</p> | 0 |
579bab40188cd61c1684e811 | Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once? | My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship. </p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, feeling nervous for the first few or several sessions of therapy, is completely normal.</p><p><br></p><p>Therapy is an unusual way to have a conversation with someone. The person is an expert in recognizing and understanding dynamics of human interactions. For some people the fear is that the therapist knows more about you than you do yourself.</p><p><br></p><p>In general terms hopefully your therapist has worked with many other people who've faced problems similar to yours.</p><p>In this sense the therapist has a general idea of the basic dynamics you most likely are handling.</p><p>No therapist could possibly know your particular details and your particular areas of upset or in what ways you feel unsure of yourself.</p><p>Once you start to trust both your own right to tell your particular story and start to also feel that your therapist is listening attentively and cares what you tell the person, your nervousness will start to disappear all on its own.</p><p>Good luck in getting the most from your therapy sessions!</p> | 0 |
5749d91ec792dd6c7063e4e0 | Does my daughter have a mental disability? | My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. | https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability | Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>If your daughter is the same age as most of the other students in her class, and the other students easily complete the tasks you list here, then there is a problem in the performance of these tasks for your daughter.</p><p><br></p><p>Without knowing more about the context of your daughter's life, for example, is she a new student to the school and class, are there major stressors in the home environment, does your daughter have friends, does your daughter have the same problems she has in school, when she is in other environments?</p><p><br></p><p>Also, who is telling you she has these problems? </p><p>Are you the one who notices what you describe here or is your daughter or is her teacher telling you these facts?</p><p>Depending on your answers to the questions, start to get clarity with the classroom teacher and the school guidance counselor as to the source of your daughter's problem.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck! </p> | 0 |
587d14b8152ba8625f40048a | How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.
His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past | Relationships,Intimacy,Spirituality | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Your patience with his pace of accepting your past, is the factor most in your control in this situation.</p><p>Everyone accepts a new understanding at their own particular rate. Yours may be faster than his pace.</p><p>Since it is possible he may accelerate his pace of accepting your past if he knows that this is a priority for you, tell him about your own discomfort .</p><p>Even if knowing how you feel does not motivate him to a quicker pace of accepting your past, you will have the peace of mind to know you gave him all the information you possibly had to give.</p> | 0 |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Does your husband want to listen to you?</p><p>Find this out by asking him the question!</p><p>This way you know whether the goal you'd like to reach is even possible.</p><p>Some partners prefer that one person is the rule maker or the only one who is entitled to talk about themselves.</p><p>If your husband tells you he wants to listen to you, or even that he does listen to you, then you can explain in detail the way you define "listening", which may be very different than his definition.</p><p>Basically, no one can directly change someone into being more openminded.</p><p>What is possible is to tell him your wishes, your willingness to be patient while he develops the habit of listening to you and point out that a relationship is more fulfilling when both partners feel they are receiving from the other one.</p> | 0 |
579e400d188cd61c1684e835 | Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous? | I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-go-into-therapy-feeling-nervous | Anxiety,Counseling Fundamentals | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>Therapy does not work overnight, oftentimes it is a lifelong struggle, the therapists job is not to "cure" you or to remove something but rather to make you strong enough to live your life with your own peculiarities and struggles, remember we are human and constantly fallible. Another important thing to note is that although you go to therapy, that is just a room, most of the magic and work takes place in your real life outside of that room.<br></p> | 0 |
587d14b8152ba8625f40048a | How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past? | My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.
His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past | Relationships,Intimacy,Spirituality | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | This suffering and clinging to the past, especially a troubled past or a past that we dont like, may be amplified due to the Christian framework that may be built into your life. I am not averse to religion, i just think that many times it puts unreasonable expectations on us and helps us to form a guilt complex or perhaps even insecurities, we are humans and humans make mistakes. you mention the straight and narrow, this is a notion that you must give up on and let go, humans can never travel the straight and narrow for their whole lives there are bounds to be mistakes, we are the most fallible species on the planet and please tell your fiance to have some mercy on himself, he is not perfect. Here is a story about clinging on to things you may find useful to mediate on:<br><br><b><font face="Papyrus"><font size="+3">O</font><font size="+1">nce
there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal
river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and
old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing
only its own crystal self.</font></font></b>
<p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">Each creature in its own
manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging
was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned
from birth.</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">But one creature said
at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes,
I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let
it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">The other creatures laughed
and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled
and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed
by the current across the rocks.</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and
he was bruised and hurt no more.</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">And the creatures downstream,
to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves,
yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!"</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">And the one carried in
the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to
lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this
adventure."</font></b></font>
</p><p><font size="+1"><b><font face="Papyrus">But they cried the more,
"Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again
he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.</font></b></font>
</p> | 0 |
586ea98c152ba8625f40045b | How do I get my husband to listen to me? | I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.
How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-husband-to-listen-to-me | Relationships,Marriage | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>It's hard when you feel as if you're the only one that's taking the time to listen to your spouse. But, I would look at this as an opportunity to see if you can become aware of what exactly is happening between you, when you try and talk with your husband. </p><p>Sometimes, it can be in the way dialogue is approached. I would suggest paying attention to the way you begin dialogue with your husband. See if blame and criticism are present. When blame and criticism are included, bids for connection, can quickly go off track. This can sometimes start off with something like: "why don't you..." "you aren't..." "you don't..." Partners can quickly go into defensive mode if they feel they are being attacked and sometimes starting off like this can feel like an attack. </p><p>Also, become aware of the time of day or evening when you approach your husband. Sometimes, this can make a big difference for couples as far as when they can truly be present for one another. </p><p>If you find this pattern continues, you might consider seeking professional help through couples therapy. A trained couples therapist can help you both understand more about what's happening between you. </p> | 0 |
57749f5bc8c3e0180cffa1f4 | I feel completely alone in my marriage. | I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage | Marriage,Relationships,Intimacy | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage. </p><p>I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57980934b43cd7825e26e253 | How do I move on? | I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-on-2 | Relationship Dissolution | Toni Genovese | https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-genovese | <p>Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself! </p> | 0 |
582a2c2a950e2507cf23dc1e | Why do I always get ignored by people? | Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.
Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-get-ignored-by-people | Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I understand the feeling of not being liked due to not having any responses on the sites you list.</p><p>More than likely the non-response has less to do with liking you than w liking the way you write your messages.</p><p>Have you tried asking a question in your posts? </p><p>This would be one way to invite people to answer your post.</p><p>When you write, imagine yourself as the reader of the post.</p><p>If you think about the wording of a question which would motivate you to respond, then this formula will very likely be the same for many others who read your post.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck!</p> | 0 |
586e7bfc152ba8625f400459 | My dad is mad because I identify as a male and I was born a female. | My dad doesn't like the fact that I'm a boy. He yells at me daily because of it and he tells me I'm extreme and over dramatic.
I get so depressed because of my dad's yelling. He keeps asking me why I can't just be happy the way I am and yells at me on a daily basis. Is this considered emotional abuse? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-dad-is-mad-because-i-identify-as-a-male-and-i-was-born-a-female | Family Conflict,LGBTQ | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Maybe this is emotional abuse.</p><p>It certainly is irritating and annoying to be yelled at for being yourself.</p><p>Maybe at a time when he's not yelling you can bring up the topic of your own willingness, if this is true, to discuss questions he has about your gender.</p><p><br></p><p>There's no guarantee he won't start yelling midway through a dialogue like this. Only then you will be on firm ground to excuse yourself from the conversation since you already explained that you're willing to talk with him and not to be yelled at by him.</p> | 0 |
579e4020188cd61c1684e837 | I'm very depressed? | I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-very-depressed | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Great that you realize talking with a professional counselor about how you feel, would be helpful!</p><p>If you'd like a very fast response by phone, then google "depression hotline" for where you live. And, if you have a specific topic which upsets you then google around with this topic to see if there are services specific to your interest.</p><p>If you've got time to invest in looking for the best fit therapist for yourself, then google "therapy' or "therapist".</p><p>There will be many, many names which come up.</p><p>I know I sound like I work for google only it is the easiest way to find lots of information.<br></p><p>I send you good luck!</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
58432b4a950e2507cf23dc88 | What makes a good marriage? | What makes a healthy marriage last? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-makes-a-good-marriage | Marriage | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I appreciate your question.</p><p>The answer of what makes a "good marriage" are as varied as there are marriages.</p><p>Basically, similarity, like mindedness in beliefs and values, makes a good marriage. </p><p>The best chance of getting along with someone on a longterm basis is when two people see life and the world in similar ways.</p><p>Even though "opposites attract" this is a short lived dynamic which breaks apart when there aren't enough similarities in common between the partners.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
579766b34a3c0cef34f02ada | I want to become a better man. | I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-become-a-better-man | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm glad to read about your willingness to develop new ways to invest yourself with your partner.</p><p>The easier way to fix a relationship is when both people are helped to recognize the ways the couple dynamic falls short of what each person would like.</p><p>Couples therapy is exactly this.</p><p>Still, relationships can change if one person changes since changing one part of a system will change the system itself.</p><p>Besides starting to work with a therapist on what you can do differently, reflect within yourself on the situations when problems arise between the two of you.</p><p>See if you can figure out what you wanted and what you partner wanted in that particular moment. </p><p>Was one of you trying to help the other and the person felt insulted by the suggestion of needing help?</p><p>This is only an example of how intentions are misread or not welcome by one partner from the other.</p><p>Also keep in mind there is a limit to everyone's flexibility.</p><p>Reflecting and self-awareness are the first step.</p><p>The second step is to know when you've reached the end of possibilities to change yourself and not be accepted for who you are.</p><p>This raises the question of whether the two of you are far apart in similarities in order to be happy together.</p><p>Good luck in enjoying the changes you will try to make!</p> | 0 |
576fbf983c9e6b307a8ae5f6 | What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior? | My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-marriage-and-my-wife-s-behavior | Marriage,Intimacy | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>When "threats" of leaving, such as what you described in your question ("kicking you out, wanting divorce") are continuous in your marriage, it can start to erode at the foundation of your relationship, impacting both partners. And, if you're concerned about the influence of another male in the relationship, and are unable to express your concerns or fears to your wife, it's extremely difficult to build a secure functioning relationship. </p><p>From the information provided in your question, it seems as if there is some avoidance evident in your relationship. Avoidance of being able to express yourself and have honest communication about your relationship. If your wife is willing, I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor to help you both during this time. Or, for you to talk with an individual therapist, if marriage counseling isn't an option. </p> | 0 |
573be0337d5e6b5321fad9dc | How can my marriage be fixed? | I've only been married three months. Every week, we argue about something, and it seems to be getting worse. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-my-marriage-be-fixed | Marriage | Anna McElearney | https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney | <p>One key factor to consider is, are you able to repair after your arguments? It seems from your question that repair is lacking after any disagreement or argument. When couples are able to repair after an argument, they have an opportunity to learn more about each other's needs moving forward. </p><p>I'm also curious if you're having the same type of arguments over and over? If you're stuck in a particular pattern, and can start recognizing what happens between you when this pattern happens, then you can start to name it. Once you name it, then you can take a break to cool off and come back to each after your nervous system has had a chance to calm down (about 30 minutes). The key here though is to make sure you have a plan in place - <span style="font-style: italic;">when things are good between you</span> - an agreement between you that when you both start to get escalated, you'll name it or have an agreed upon code word to signal you don't want to continue this cycle, and then agree to cool off and come back together at a later time. That way, when this is enacted during an argument, nobody feels abandoned during the cool off time. Rather, both partners know they will return at a time when they can truly hear each other and hear their needs. </p> | 0 |