I spent some time recently searching the internet for humorous sayings.  Here are 13 of my favorites.  A few of them may wind up in some of my books. 

1.  Only difference between a woman and a vulture is that a vulture circles at least once before it chews your ass out

2.  If brains was dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose

3.  if you’re lookin’ for sympathy it’s in the dictionary between shit and syphilis

4.  He is so crooked when he dies they will have to screw him into the ground

5.  He didn’t know if he should scratch his watch or wind his ass

6.  I didn’t know whether to shit or go blind so I closed one eye and farted

7.  Happier than a puppy with two peters

8.  Boy, your family tree has no branches

9.  That went over like a turd in a punch bowl

10.  If you ain’t the lead dog the scenery never changes

11.  I’m so poor if it took a nickel to get around the world I couldn’t get out of sight

12.  We grew up so poor we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’s fingers

13.  Boy, we’re gonna call you moon, cause you ain’t bright ’nuff to be a son. 

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These are pretty funny.  some of them I like because they sound like they are from an old movie like frolicking bantering or something.  Some quick talking character.  I always wish I knew some lines like this for certain situations…come out sounding so tough and funny! 

Hey have you checked out the new tv show Fringe?  I ask because of your home page and your last post…