Category Archives: Florida Marlins

Before this offseason, I was all but set to abandon my beloved Florida Marlins (from now on referred to as The Fish.)  Another season of inexplicable mediocrity, untimely injuries, and WTF managing (I love me some Jack McKeon, but WTF) mixed with the complete identity change to the fabulously flamboyant Miami Marlins was more than enough to send me to the curb.  Add in the fact that I am generally disintrested in baseball (NEEDS MOAR STEROIDS) and things were looking bleak for the following season, and I was all but ready to hand in my sabbatical papers.  Then, almost over night, the Fish had me hooked. 

AHHHH those Marlin fans.  So jealous of our team that they are looking for any way to feel relevant.  Well I was surprised that Doc came out of the game yesterday, but I mean when your the best team in baseball, you can afford to have an off night in 102 degree heat.  And he was facing the fucking Cubs.  WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE WASTE HIS EXCELLENCE ON THEM!  We know the real reason he didn’t stick around was that he didn’t want to be anywhere near a baseball field where Jim Belushi sings “Take me out to the Ballgame.”  Those Marlins are quite a squad by the way.  Not even Jack Mckeon’s old shriveled dick could muster any magic out of that hack squad in south beach.  And lets be honest: we all know this is displaced anger.  Daft is still deeply wounded that his beloved Hartford Whalers left town many moons ago.  Its ok buddy, we will get through this.  My Prediction?  Cliff will make up for it by spinning a CG 2 hitter with 11 k’s tonight.  Bet the barn on it. 

Like this:

The Daily Drive is a daily ( for the most part) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you.  For example:Japan has come up with a steak made out of feces that is completely edible.  I only wish I was kidding. 

The Phillies open up a series against the St. Louis Cardinals tonight.  No truth to the rumor that the St. Lunatics will be performing take me out to the ballgame in the 7th inning stretch. 

Jack Mckeon didnt take long to start cracking the Fish into shape.  He benched Hanley Ramirez in his first game back as manager.  Presumably it had something to do with Hanley not giving a flying fuck about baseball this season

I’m pretty sure I found out what the word fortnight meant some time in college.  I want to say my junior year, and I really feel like a video game was involved.  Needless to say it’s a word a lot of Florida Marlins players should be familiar with.  After last nights shellacking, it has been 2 weeks since the Florida Marlins were playing competitive baseball.  They’ve won 2 games since two Tuesday’s ago, and the losses have been extravagant. 

“It was nice to see us swing the bats,” Upton said. “ This was a good series for us.” ( via ESPN)

Never mind the fact that the team came back late and made the game interesting.  A loss is a loss is a fucking loss to the god damn Arizona D-Backs.  It’s been an interesting two weeks for the Fish, and there are clearly a few glaring reasons why they’ve fallen out of Wild Card contention (I’ve already conceded the East to the Phillies.) 

It’s hot outside, there’s a high of 99 today in Philadelphia.  Hot weather=miserable.  For those who didn’t make it pass kindergarten the opposite of hot is cold.  Cold weather is also miserable, unless it’s air conditioning, but now we are getting a little too in depth.  Anyway, the Chicago Cubs are what you call a “cold” team.  They are coming off an eight game losing streak, and now the Phillies get to play them for four straight games.  In the words of the late great Notorious B.I.G. …… Juicy.