"[Opening music]" "Fire in the hole!" " All right, back to work." " So, Marshall Brisco County:" "Now that you've rounded up the 13 most notorious outlaws in all the west - including John Bly - what do you do for an encore?" " I believe I'll smoke this pipe." " Could you help me out here Marshall?" " I've got a column to write." " If you don't give me a decent quote, I'll have to make something up." " I'm familiar with your column, Mr Collier." " Why break with custom now?" " Because in this case the truth is too damn good." " Right here on this very train is the entire John Bly gang." " In three days time they'll be safely locked up in the federal penetenary in Pennsyvania." " Every lawman west of the Mississippi hunted them, yet you, single-handedly, brought them to justice." " Did you hear that boys?" " Single-handedly!" " Figuratively speaking, that is." " Is that the famous gun I've heard so much about?" " Just an ordinary peace-maker with a pretty handle, Mr Collier." " Well, it's beautiful." " Maybe so, but that doesn't make it shoot any straighter." " That's all I've got to say on the subject." " Thanks, that'll do fine!" " You know what you've done here Owens?" " You've captured the epic grandeur of the great American west." " Thanks, Pete." " Personally, I have little use for this current crop of Frenchmen slap their paint on, thick bold strokes of vibrant color call themselves impressionists." " Guess I'm just a classicist at heart." " Take some constructive criticism?" " I guess so..." "Needs a sunset." " It's the middle of the day, Pete." " Well it's that kind of negative thinking that breeds the complacency -- [train whistles]" "Clear the track." " Here she comes!" " Weren't you wearing a tie-pin?" " Hmmm?" " When you came on board, didn't you have a tie-pin?" " All right gentlemen, let's move!" " Take your positions!" " Come on now!" " Open fire gentlemen." " Bring that plank across." " Fire your weapons." " Bring that across." " Let's go, right now." " Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!" " Keep moving, keep moving, that's it." " Get the bag now, move it in!" " My arms!" " So sorry Marshall: a little change in plans." " Let's go." " First-hand I witnessed the incredible cunning of the outlaw John Bly as he masterminded his own escape." " An escape which occurred despite the massive security precautions the railroad undertook." " It seems they thought of everything - except the eyesight of the Engineer." " It still eludes me how anyone can drive a train into the side of a giant painted rock with scenery on it no more believable than the backdrops down at the Horseshoe Club!" " That's good!" " Well of course it's good." " Give me that cigar." " Speaking of clubs: down at the far more posh Westerfield Club, the leading robber-barons of the west have been convening." " It would seem that the return of John Bly and his gang is bad for business." " Oh my God!" " It's itching again!" " Which one, the right or the left?" " Both!" " Sit down!" " Word has it..." "word has it the five tycoons have given their lapdog and legal counsellor, Socrates Poole, the responsibility for hiring their own private bounty hunter." " Who?" " Lord Bowler?" " While the infamous tracker Lord Bowler has made his appearance here in town he will not be going home with the assignment." " My sources tell me that the man with the inside track is none other than..." "Brisco County" " Junior!" " There's another one!" "?" " Yes, that's right!" " And hats off to the robbers barons for their selection." " I hear young County is a Harvard educated lawyer, a scholar, by all accounts a man of refinement, elegance and polish." " My only question is this:" "How did they ever rope him into it?" " Get the rope." " Any final words, Señor Brisco County Junior?" " Yeah: "I didn't do it."" " You cheat me in cards, and now you lie to my face?" "!" " Adios Señor, better luck in the next world." " Slap the horse." " Easy, comet." " Slap the horse again." " Easy boy." " Good Comet." " Slap the horse again otra vez!" " Whoa buddy." " Right there's good." " Hang the horse!" " Wait." " I found the card." " I found the ace of spades." " Where?" " It was in Carlos' pocket." " Carlitos, vos apaga con su sangre?" " Whoa Comet." " Now Comet, go!" " Socrates, you're a pretty smart fellow alright... but I sure hope you made the right choice this time." " Well, I for one, like the man's background." " Trust Poole to hire himself another lawyer." " I have to work with the man, don't forget." " Don't worry Socrates, no-one's questioning your judgement." " Poole, how much longer do we have to wait?" " And where's this Brisco County Jr of yours?" " I'm sure he'll be here any" "Gentlemen!" " Mr County has arrived." " Which one of you is Aristotle Poole?" " That's Socrates Poole." " Oh, sorry, I guess that's a common mistake." " Not at all." " Well, it is if you flunked Greek philosophy two years in a row." " Hey, hey, hey!" " I told you to wait outside." " This isn't the first time we've had this discussion." " Now get!" " Behave yourself." " You'll have to excuse Comet, he doesn't know he's a horse." " Mr County, I'd like you to meet your employers." " Sherman Paulson here." " Mr Paulson owns the mines." "  Francis Kilbride." "  Shipping" "Kenyon Drummond" "Cattle." " Granville Thorogood." " I own the railroads." " Ethan Emerson." "  Mr Emerson owns" " Everything." " No young man, just the banks." " Yeah, but the banks own everything." " Mr County, I hope you know you're late." " Late?" " Hell, I almost didn't make it here at all." " Let me give you fellas a good piece of advice." " Anybody here play poker?" " I guess not." " Forget I mentioned it." " We understand you're a lawyer, Mr County." " Not any more." " Tried it." " Didn't much care for it." " Seems a shameful waste of seven years." " Better than a shameful waste of an entire lifetime." " No offence, Sophocles." " Socrates." " Mr County, you mind telling us what you've been up to recently?" " Well, I'll tell ya..." "I've been looking." " Looking?" " For the coming thing." " The coming thing?" " It's 1893." " We're only seven years away from a new century." " The Twentieth Century." " Don't you sense it?" " The coming thing?" " It's right out there on the horizon." " It's just around the corner." " Exactly what is the coming thing, Mr County?" " You fellas aren't too bright for a bunch of robber barons, are ya?" " If I knew exactly what it was it wouldn't be coming, it would already be here." " I think I've heard enough Mr County." " We're not fools, and we're certainly not going to be treated as such." " Good day to you Sir." "  Hang on!" "  Let's not be hasty" " This is a waste of time, let's get Lord Bowler" "Just a minute!" " I want this job." " And I'm the man to get it done." " Now never mind that I'm Brisco County's son." " This job isn't my birthright." " The important thing is:" "I can out-shoot, out-ride, out-spit, out-fight, out-think" "John Bly or any one of his gang." " Now you didn't make a mistake when you hired me, but you're about to make one now." " That's all I've got to say on the subject." " Hold it!" " Socrates, take Mr County into your office and have him sign the damned employment agreement!" " Yes sir, Mr Emerson." " Come with me." " You're not quite what I expected, Mr County." " Well, expectations lead to disappointment Socrates, that's why I try not to have any." " You almost cost us both our jobs." " They don't like to be called "robber barons", you know." " Well of course they don't - it isn't exactly a compliment." "  Hand me a towel, will ya?" "  Huh?" " A towel!" " Right behind ya." " Thanks." " Don't start getting the wrong idea." " I'm not your lackey or your butler." " I am a liaison between you and your employer." " You will provide me with regular updates on your progress and I in turn will issue you bi-monthly pay vouchers for your services." " And if you expect to be reimbursed for any out-of-pocket expenses," "I suggest you keep your receipts." " Do you make up these little speeches in advance, and then memorize them?" " Some people regard my skills in this area as an asset." " These have been sent here for you:" "your father's things." " Well, I'll keep this." " What about the rest?" " Send it off to the dead sheriff's museum." " That's a bit cold isn't it?" " What if it is?" " I withdraw the comment." " It's none of my business." " Look, Socrates: my father was the greatest lawman the west has ever seen." " But he knew it was a risky profession, and so did I." "In other words, you had a long time to prepare for his death." " All my life." " I see." " Did you drop something?" " What is it?" " It's for me." " Stanyons, table four, 3 o'clock PM." " What do you think?" " I think I'm starving;" "I haven't eaten in two days - and we're already late." " Just imagine, Socrates, what this city is going to be like." " With an entire system of cables hauling trolleys up and down these streets." " With all the attendant risks of negligence and liability - it's a lawyer's nightmare!" " You'd better get used to it, because it won't be long before there are motorized trolleys that don't even need tracks." " You know, it's admirable that you have this ability to constantly think about the future." " I myself find that I am always bogged down in the present." " Hmmm, I wonder who sent this anyway?" " Me!" " I did." " Lord Bowler, man hunter." " You may have heard of me." " Once or twice." " With your daddy around, I could barely make a living." " Now, just when things are looking up" "I find out there's another Brisco County." " You ain't got the huevos rancheros for this job County, so I suggest you quit while you're ahead." " I'm going after Bly and his gang, and I'm going alone." " I don't think so Bowler." " I propose a little challenge, County:" "last man remaining at this table gets the job." " That's fine by me Bowler, but I gotta warn you:" "I'm real hungry and I could be here all day." " Let's find out." " Excuse me, I'm late for a deposition." " Oh, waiter!" " Yes sir?" " We're ready to order." " Yes... sir." " It all looks so good." " Did you want something Bowler?" " I've already eaten." " What do you recommend?" " The minute steak." " I can't decide." " What are you having Euripides?" " County, you ain't nothing but a sugar-foot glory-grabber, out to make a name for hisself using his dead daddy's overblown reputation." " Now what would your dead, dumb daddy think of that?" "  I'll take the steak, make it rare." "  Right away sir!" " He'd think you were right." " You lose." " Guess again!" " Man:" "Get the police!" " Your steak, sir." "  Well done!" "  No, rare." " I guess I'll eat at the bar." "... or, behind bars..." "No, no, no: you boys got it all wrong." " This belongs to the railroad." " The track may belong to you Mr Thorogood but the land is the government's and that goes for everything found on it." " Sir, I hope you understand that this object may be of extreme scientific importance?" " That's hogwash." " I would hardly say that an object that appears to give off supernatural strength is "hogwash."" " I'm referring to the validity of the government's claim." " Nevertheless the government is taking possession." " It's my job to transport this "orb" here on the special government gold train to Washington." " Why Washington?" " It's going to my lab at the Smithsonian for study and safekeeping." " You really believe that this orb has some special powers, huh?" " Mr Thorogood, let me put it this way:" "as a scientist I have studied what has happened here empirically and I see no better explanation." " Now if you'll excuse us sir, we've got work to do." " Let's get this thing packed up." "  Careful now, careful" " What are we hauling here?" " It's an unearthed foreign object." " That's kind of a mouthful, chief." " Alright." " Haul away!" " Let's move 'em out." " Spitting is spitting." " Sixty days hard labor." " Look, I know this judge; he's tough but he's fair." " Everybody gets the same treatment." " So just keep your mouth shut and take your sixty days." " Alright, c'mon, c'mon." " Next." " What have we here?" " Disorderly conduct, public fighting, aggravated mayhem?" "!" " That's sixty" " Excuse me your honor?" "  What is it?" " I have a motion for the court." " I'd like to request a jury trial." "  A jury trial?" "  Yes sir, that's right." " Judge, so you know, I have nothing to do with this man." " We in this separately." " I also request a complete list of prosecution witnesses who will testify against me" " and a continuance" " Are you a lawyer?" " Yes I am." " Well I have no time for a jury trial." " Well sir, the consitution requires that you make time." " Not if there's no case." " Get this damn lawyer out of my courtroom." " Case is dismissed!" "  Thank-you your honor." "  Thank-you your honor." "[ whistles]" " Not you, him." "  Huh?" " You get sixty days." " Hard labor!" "  Wait a minute, that's not fair!" " I'm with him!" "  Get him out of my courtroom!" "  Brisco!" " Do something!" " I'm with him!" " That's far enough." " I..." "I got a message for Mr Bly." " In a few days time, a special government gold train will be leaving San Francisco heading for the US treasury in Washington DC." " This is the main rail line." " This is an abandoned track once used by the ore trains of the Humbold mining company." " The spur we're building connects the two right here." "  Who's that?" "  It's Big Smith and his gang." " The train goes through a tunnel right here, just before our spur." " That tunnel will be filled with knock-out gas." " The guards won't know what hit 'em." " Yeah Big, but neither will the Engineer." " How we gonna stop this train?" " The train's got a dead man's switch." " When the Engineer releases the throttle, the train comes to a halt." " That's when we get on board." " We drive it across our spur onto the other tracks, then we do what we gotta do." " Why rob a train and not a bank?" " Robbing a train is like robbing a moving bank." " It's hard enough to rob a bank, without it speeding by one hundred miles per hour." " You're crazy Pete, trains don't go anywhere as close to a hundred miles per hour." " Sure they do." " Well they do not, you gone loco." "  Do too!" "  They do not!" "  Clackity-clack, clackity clack, dead on the track, dead on the track, clackity clack, clackity clack, dead" " Shut up!" " No more banks." " No more penny-ante heists." " This train is going to give us the resources to bring my grand plan to its rightful conclusion." " Excuse me Mr Bly." " Not that I relish the idea of playing devil's advocate, but isn't the train schedule a closely guarded secret?" " We got somebody working on that." " Tycoons and the politicians." " What is it that gives them the right to rule this country?" "  Money?" "  Power?" " Correct on both counts." " And after this we're going to the ones with both." " And then this whole country is gonna be right here in the palm of my hand." " Who the hell are you?" " I'm Lightning Bill in from San Francisco, I've got some information for you." "  What is it?" "  The tycoons, they've hired a bounty hunter." " Who?" " Lord Bowler?" " Brisco County." " You idiot, he's dead!" " Brisco County Jr." "A son, seeking revenge for the death of the father." " I love it!" " You may leave now, Lightning Bill." "  It's my pleasure, Mr Bly, it's been a real honor" " Get out!" "  I'm going." "  Oh, Bill... be very careful on the way out." " Stay to your left." " Thank-you sir." "[ distant screaming]" "Did I say left?" " I meant right!" " Now, you go take care of Junior" " You mean kill him." "  That's right." "  We're going to get Brisco in Frisco" " How?" " Use the scarred-foot clan." " But the scarred-foot clan, they they hate us." " Exactly." " It's amazing how good a bath feels when you haven't had one for two or three weeks." " I wouldn't know" "Something wrong?" " Yes!" " We are not getting off to a very good start here." " Certainly your time in jail won't be recoupable against your guarantee." " Relax, the day and a half wasn't wasted." " Now where's that newspaper I had in there?" " Hopefully burned along with all your clothes." " Ah, here it is." " Now listen to this:" " Jonah Collier's column, you ever read it?" "  Never." " Well, I don't blame you." " He refers to you here as "Thorogood's lapdog"." " What?" " Let me see that!" " Don't be so sensitive." " Calm down." " It's about Bly's escape." " Um, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah-blah-blah " ""how anyone can drive a train into a giant painted rock with scenery on it no more believable than the backdrops down at the Horseshoe Club!"" " So?" " So how many scenic painters could there be around here?" " Maybe we should go down to the Horseshoe Club and talk to this guy." " Is this the kind of deductive reasoning you learned at Harvard?" " No, at Harvard we mainly learned drinking songs and how to unsnap a woman's- [knocking at door]" " Who's that?" " Maybe it's Comet." " Oh, I see: you've taught him some manners." " Now at least he knocks before he enters." " No, actually it's my room service order." " Must be some kind of mistake - I didn't order Chinese." " Brisco!" " Help!" " Hand me the gun." " I can't reach." " Then shoot him." "  I can't!" "  Then shoot me and put me out of my misery." " Ah!" " My hands are slipping!" " Don't worry, I've got a good grip on your belt." " Are you okay?" " I appear to be uninjured if that is what you mean." " But I am not "okay" in the sense that I approve or consent to what just occurred." " Sorry I asked." " Who were those people anyway?" " Your guess as good as mine." " No it's not, and I'm distressed that you think that it is." " You know Socrates, you really need to develop a personality for the times when you're not in court." " What's that?" " One of those tongs wore this around his neck." " It's a cheap Chinatown trinket." " The city's full of them." " Do me a favor Socrates - go on down to the Horseshoe Club and see what information you can dig up on the guy who paints their backdrops." " Where are you going?" " Chinatown." " Hello?" " Can I help you?" " Yeah, I need some information." " Of course!" " Anything you want." " Information is free." " Oh, good." " There's something that I found that I want to show you" "Wait!" " Perhaps you want to buy something first, so you don't feel like you're taking advantage of me." " How much is that?" " Twenty bucks." " You're right: now I don't feel so guilty over all this "free" information I'm about to get." " And I need a receipt for that." "  A receipt?" "  Yeah" "Never mind it's just more work for me!" " Where did you get this?" " You recognise it." " What does it mean?" " Just remembered." " We're closed!" "  Wha?" "  We're closed!" " Take your music box and go!" " It's Chinese holiday." "  There's no Chinese holiday." "  It's a little known Chinese holiday!" "  Oooh, look!" "  What?" " Hey, hey hey hey!" " The charm!" " Open the door." " Hey!" " Where are you?" " I want my charm back." " And I want that receipt too!" " Chinatown." "[ speaking Chinese]" " This is the man Big Smith sent." "  Huh?" " Big Smith hired him to seek us out and destroy us." " What are you talking about?" " No no no no, wait, you got the wrong" "Silence." " We are the scarred foot clan." " No kidding." " We exist only to fight the tyrany of Big Smith." " Good, that puts us on the same" "I said mòtò!" " We train to battle men like you." " At least you will give one of my warriors some valuable experience." " Stop!" " Where did you get this gun?" " Who wants to know?" " I am Lee Pow." " And who are you?" " I am my father's son." " Brisco County Junior?" "!" "[ Estatic Chinese]" "I carved this handle myself in gratitude of a great favor your father once did for me." " Now you must avenge his death." " No Lee Pow, not avenge his death." " Complete his work." " Looks like I start with Big Smith." " Big Smith is the first tentacle of John Bly's empire." " He and his gang control a vast slave trade of Chinese workers." " Where's Big Smith now?" " Somewhere in the mountains, I don't know where." " There is something else that you should know:" "Four workers recently fled from one of Big Smith's chain gangs." " While blasting for a tunnel they..." "they discovered something." " Something strange, something mysterious - a metallic orb." " They said when they touched this orb, they felt an energy, a mystical power, a sense of a greater force." " It gave them the strength to set themselves free." " I need a lead, a clue, some place to start." " Dixie Cousins, Big Smith's girlfriend." " She lives somewhere in this town, I think." " Dixie Cousins." "  Thanks Lee Pow." "  Good luck." " And don't forget:" "The spirit of your father guides you." "[ mutters in Chinese]" "Backdrop painter is named Owens." " Quit about a month ago, left town, never came back." " That's about the time of the train escape." " So what did you learn?" " That Bly's right-hand-man Big Smith has a girlfriend named Dixie Cousins." " Let me have two whiskeys - Off the top shelf." " And, that she may be here in town." "  That's it?" "  Well, it's a start." " Oh, I need a receipt for that." " What's so funny?" " I'm sorry, but this is a huge city." " How on Earth are you going to find this woman - go knocking door-to-door?" " Be realistic my dear Brisco, Dixie Cousins is not going to just fall from the sky into your lap." " Ladies and Gentlemen, the incomparable" "Dixie Cousins!" " Not exactly in my lap, but close enough." "#  I looked around the country and I've seen it all" "# And what I want, I'm ready to name" "# It's big and strong and handsome and it's six feet tall" "# I'm going to file my claim" "# I struck a real bonanza, and he's rough and rich" "# But what he's got, I'm ready to tame" "# He's worth a fancy fortune, but it's not in cash." "#  I'm going to file my claim" " You're a sweet little thing." "  Stop it!" " Come on baby, gimme just one little kiss." " Sorry about that." " Where did you learn how to throw a punch like that?" " Catholic school." " That was going to be my first guess." "  You okay?" "  Oh sure, it's just my nose." " Now that other fella, he may have a hard time riding home tonight." "#  I'm going to file my claim" "Hmmm, what a mensch." " Can't these saddle-tramps keep their hands to themselves?" " Look at me." " Look at how I'm dressed." " Do I look like somebody that wants to be pawed and fondled?" "  Well, I" " No!" " The answer is no." " Dad!" " Amanda!" "?" " I've been looking for you." " It's time for us to go." "  But the show just started." "  The second show." " But I came all the way to San Francisco just to see her sing!" " The second show, on the second night." " Let's go." " You have everything: your glasses, your pills, your notebook, your pocketwatch?" " Yes." " No." " Forgot it." " Never use it." " What would I do without her?" " Professor Albert Wickwire." "  Chemist, physicist, experimentalist." "  Hi." " C'mon dad." " Bye!" " Woo!" " Woo!" " Woo!" " Woo!" " Woo!" "#  Who's going to help me?" " Help, help me..." "# Who's going to help me file my claim..." "tonight?" " Woo, woo, woo!" " Lawyers." " Whoa, whoa." " Heya!" " Evening, ma'am." " All aboard!" " What on earth are you doing?" "  That's larceny!" "  Wha?" " You just took that man's ticket and his case." " I have no idea what you're talking about." " Oh, make sure Comet gets a green apple for breakfast - he'll love you for life." " He-ya!" " Excuse me, I'm looking for Comet." " Ah." " I couldn't find green, you'll have to settle for red." " I'm sorry, it was the best I could do." " Oh please, an apple's an apple." " The color is immaterial." "  Where's Brisco?" "  Huh?" " Who said that?" " Me, Comet." "  A talking horse, huh?" "  Yeah I can talk, what's wrong with that?" " Nothing, nothing, nothing, more power to you I say." " So where's Brisco, where's my master?" " I really need to find him, it's very important." " I'm sorry, that's privileged information, "Comet"." " Or should I say, "Lord Bowler"?" " Yeah, well, you ain't as stupid as you look, Poole." " I see you've escaped, Bowler." " So much for the virtues of our criminal justice system." " Where's County?" " That's for me to know, and you to find out." " You little law-book reading, robber baron butt-kissing, Brisco hiding sissy!" " You tell me!" " Why don't you ask Comet, the talking horse?" " That's the best idea you've ever had, counsellor." " I'm starting to like that stuff!" "[ drunken laughter]" "Have we reached the mountains yet?" " Oh, I was just getting..." "I mean, we're almost there." " Did you sleep well, Miss..." "Cousins?" " No, not really." " I hate sleeping alone." " Oh, you're not alone." " I've been here all the while." "  You miss my point Mister..." " Merryweather." " Rosco Merryweather." " What's in the sample case, Rosco?" " Let's take a look." "  Oh my!" "  Very fancy." " Oh, I'd love to sample this one." " What's it for?" " They're for grooming  animals   large animals." " Zoo animals." " You mean like lions and tigers?" "  That's right." "  Sounds like dangerous work." " Well ma'am I don't actually do the grooming, I just sell the brushes" "But enough about me." " Tell me where you're headed." "  To trouble." " I'm going to start some." "  How's that?" " That's between me and my boyfriend." " And he's waiting for me at the next stop." " Very fancy." "#  She'll be coming, coming, coming coming coming # 'round that old mountain when she comes when she comes # she'll be coming, coming coming coming round that old mountain when she comes" "Shut up Pete!" "#  When she comes [drunken laughter]" " Pickle!" "  Ha ha ha ha!" " What's happening?" " Looks like we lost our drivers." "  The stage is out of control." "  Oy!" " What do we do now?" " Well I could swing out, get a good foothold and climb up to the top of the stage." " Then, if I'm real careful (and God is on my side)" "I could leap onto the back of the rear horse and work my way up to the lead team - taking care not to fall beneath their thundering hooves - then reach out, grab the bridle of the lead horse," "and reign them into to a safe and steady stop." "  Oh my!" "  Or..." " ... we could jump." "  Oh!" " Oh my!" " Your dress is caught in my fly." "  I'll get that for you" " Oh, no, no no, it's okay, I got it." " Hiya Dix." " Have a nice trip?" " Not bad, all things considered." "  You got what I need?" "  Don't I always?" " Who's your friend?" " Allow me to introduce somebody calling himself Rosco Merryweather." " Rosco, this is Big Smith." " That's Peter Hutter and this is some of Big's gang." " My pleasure." " Yeah, nice knowing you too." " You can shoot him now Pete." " You're going to kill him?" " You used my name, Dix." " You know the rules." " Dixie." " I'm kinda a stickler for gun safety." " Could ya move a little to the left?" " Don't you get it?" " He's somebody." " Sorry Dixie, existential thought doesn't hold much water out here in the territories." " Dixie's right." " I'm not really Rosco Merrydoodle." "  Merryweather." "  Ah, yeah, Merryweather." " It's Wiley Stafford." " I'm an outlaw on the run." " Kansas Wiley Stafford?" " Do I know you?" " Oh, no sir!" " Who is he?" " He's one crazy-mean son-of-a-buck, that's who he is." " I seen him kill five men in Dodge City saloon nigh on two years ago." " Five on one, and he killed them all." "' Course I had my snoot in the sawdust to keep my head from being blowed off." " I knew it." " Kansas Wiley Stafford." " Where are you from, Kansas?" " Answer the man!" " I'm from Kansas." " Please Big..." "...can we keep him?" "" Can we keep him?"" " Sure Dixie, we can keep him." " He saved your life, didn't he?" " Mount up, Kansas." " You're riding with us." " Something tells me you and me are going to be the best of friends." " Welcome to Southern Creek." " Five years ago the gold ran dry." " Now the sheriff's dead, the mayor runs a brothel and the minister's a drunk." " My kinda town." " Come on Kansas, let me buy you a drink." " It's quite a hat you have there, Big." " You're looking at $3,000 real money." " You know that old expression "he's got a price on his head?"  Well in my case it's the truth." " You'd have to kill me to get that hat, Kansas." " Now why would I want to do that?" " Tell me something Kansas, in all your travels, you ever run across a cowboy by the name of Brisco County Junior?" " Can't say that I have." " Oh, wait a minute." " He's a US Marshal or something like that?" " No, that's the father." " I'm talking about his son." " Oh, sorry." " I'm drawing a blank." " I ain't too concerned about the father any more." " He's dead." " ' That so?" "  And not only that, I'm the one who killed him." " Well, me and twelve others, to be exact." " We drilled him so full of holes he looked like a cheese." " He had it coming." " The man was a craven coward." " A pox-ridden squaw lover, and a card-cheating drunk." " You sure you never heard of his son?" " Nope." " And now I hope I never do." " Thanks for the drink, Big." " I'd like to send this by telegraph to San Francisco." "  What is this, Spanish?" "  Latin." " Hold it." " You misspelled that word." " Send it again." "  Oh, here, let me help you." "  It's okay, I've got it." " It's you." " From the bar." " Look, no permanent damage." " What are you doing, Kansas?" " We're all down at the bar." " Why don't you hurry back before somebody misses you?" " Are you with these people?" " Stupid fool!" " He's sorry." " It was an accident." " Apologise dad." " My golly, what a mess." " Sorry." " Mind giving me a hand?" " You're about to have a religious experience, Grandpa." " How's that?" " You're gonna see Jesus!" " Pete " "Put the gun down." " They say I'm the fastest draw west of the Colorado." " You care to try me, Kansas?" " I don't know." " I'm not that good at geography." " My God, he touched Pete's piece!" "  Nobody touches Pete's piece." "  You're touching my piece, Kansas." " The man apologised." " Forget about it." " Forget about it?" " You mean, rip it from my memory like a picture from a book?" " Picture of a small boy, kinda shy, with big ears who only wanted to be liked?" " And the laughing faces of his classmates mocking him because he forgot to wear his pants to school!" " Is that what you mean?" "!" "  You lost me Pete." "  I'm calling you out Kansas." " You don't wanna do that." " You touched Pete's piece." " That's something you don't wanna do with Pete." " It's done." " Outside." " Kansas" " Wiley Stafford - just touched Pete's piece!" "  This is crazy, it was an accident." "  Amanda, take your father and get back inside." "  All right, all right, 5 bucks on the new guy." "  I'll take 5 bucks." " Ready?" " Pride comes before a fall, Pete." " So does an ounce of lead in the brainpan." "  Well, it was nice knowing him." "  Which one?" " Ain't in Kansas any more..." "Kansas." "  Good God!" "  Good riddance." " Nice work Kansas." " You just killed my four best men:" "Pete, and Scratchy, and those other two." " I'm sorry Big, I guess I was just thinking of myself." " Hey, what's done is done, huh?" " Bravo young man!" " Did you employ vector calculations or did you simply estimate the incidental angle of the bullets' trajectories?" " Well actually I just sorta shut my eyes and hit the dirt." "  Not bad." "  Thanks." "  Nice work, Kansas." "  Di" " Di" " Dixie!" " Dixie Cousins!" " I don't believe it!" "  Horseshoe club, San Francisco." "  Ah, a fan!" "  Are you playing here in town?" "  Why yes, but only in private." " Well, I'm sure Miss Cousins is anxious to try out her act." " Let's go dad." " Bye bye!" " Amanda, wait a minute." " I think you've got the wrong idea." " Forget about her." " She's got no use for the outlaw breed." " And those that tried make up their own soprano chior." " Dixie, don't wait up for me." " I got a lot of work to do." " You like the bed?" " It comes from France." "  Louis XIV?" "  No   I think Louis was the 9th or 10th." " But then a lady never counts." " Oh?" " Then what are those notches on your bedpost?" " Just a few scratches that occurred during shipping." " You know, I get all my best ideas in bed." " Like what?" " Taking over Big Smith's gang?" " Kansas, I am surprised at you." " You think that I think that small?" " Oh, but Big is pretty big, isn't he?" " Big is big alright." " But there are those who are bigger." " Like John Bly." "  How did you know Bly's involved?" "  Involved in what?" " Boy, we really are doing a dance here, aren't we Kansas?" " I knew you'd be a good partner." " I can't dance without music Dixie." " I think it's time for you to sing." "  There's a train coming through tomorrow." "  A gold train?" " Maybe." " What's Big Smith's plan?" " He's working on the railroad while someone's in the kitchen with Dixie." "  The railroad where?" "  South." " How ... far?" " Pretty far." " Over the hill, and down through the valley." " Any more questions?" "[ hammer blows]" "Someone's working on the railroad." " Keep 'em working, the spur's gotta be done tonight!" "[ snoring]" " What is it?" "  I dunno, someone was watching us!" " Well, get 'em!" " Go!" " That's it, come on!" " Come on boy!" "  What are you doing here?" "  Don't ask any questions, just play along." " You want something?" " Didn't mean to disturb you Kansas, or anything, but..." "But?" " Sorry Kansas." " He-ya!" "  Hey!" " Kansas!" "  Yes sir?" " Let me show you what I've been working on." " Excuse us Amanda." " A rocket." " It's beautiful." " The coming thing." "  What?" "  Nothing." "  I know what you're thinking: that she'll never fly." "  Of course she will." " If it doesn't blow up first; the last three did." " Fourth time is a charm." " You know, in the future" "Rockets will chart the stars." " That's right." " You're right." " He's right, you know." "  Nitrocellulose for propulsion." "  That's what I'm trying." " Of course the problem is containing the rate of combustion." " Exactly." " And then, we've got to worry about stabilization." " That's why I'm working with this set of fins." " You know, you might try four instead of two." " It increases the friction, but you minimize your central axis rotation." " Ah, that's very interesting." " Kansas, stay for dinner." " We have so much to discuss." " I can't, there's going to be a train robbery." " See dad?" " He can't stay because he's got to get back and rob a train." " I'm not robbing it, I'm trying to stop it." " They're going to divert a gold train onto a spur right here on the main line." " What are you doing after that?" "  You're not an outlaw." "  No." " Then who are you?" "  Brisco County." "  Is that where you're from?" " No ma'am, that's who I am." " Where did you go?" " I was looking forward to breakfast in bed." " Sorry Dixie, I'm an early riser." " Well now, lookie who we found snooping around last night." " Lord Bowler." " Had some pretty interesting things to tell me too." " Such as Brisco County Jr is hot on our trail." " Maybe he's right here in town." " Maybe he's right here in this room." " Well is he Bowler?" " Point him out to me." "  You see him?" "  Nah." " Lyin' half-breed." " Bring in the horse." " Where's Brisco Comet?" " Find Brisco." " That's what I thought you'd say." " But maybe you better check one more time." " Uh-uh, Brisco first." " Hey Comet, how you been?" "  I knew you were too good to be true." "  Some days it pays to stay in bed." " Well boys, we gotta run." " We've got a train to catch." " Of course, it's going to catch you first!" "  Thanks for not giving me away." "  Don't be thanking me for nothin'." " Last thing I want is for you to be beholden to me." " Why didn't you kill Smith when you had the chance?" " Because it's bigger than Big Smith." " John Bly's coming here to rob a train." " What train?" "[ train whistles] [train whistles]" " Oh." " That train." "  Comet!" "  There's the nag that got us into this scrape." " My only hope now is that I splatter my internal organs all over your stupid face." " Shut up, he can help us." " He can bite through the ropes." " He can?" " You mean he's done this before?" " Well, no, but it's worth a try isn't it?" " You got any better ideas?" " Okay, okay, get on with it." " Come here boy, come on over here." " Come on boy." " Come on Comet." " Go go go!" " There you go." " Good boy!" " Good!" " You do have an affinity or we's gonna get a cow catcher up the rear." " Okay Comet, bite the ropes." " Bite through the ropes." "  Me first Comet, me first." "  Hey hey, don't confuse my horse." " It is every man for hisself County." " Me first Comet, I'll show you a place with so many green apples they grow on whole trees!" " Comet!" " Comet!" " Good boy!" " Good boy, that's it!" "  Ha!" "  County!" "?" " Hurry up." " Hurry up." " Hurry up." " Hurry up." " Hurry up!" " Hurry up!" " Thank-you Lord, thank-you Brisco." " Thanks Comet." " And just for your information:" "all apples grow on trees." "  Brisco, untie me." "  I got a train to catch" " But what about me?" "  I'll come back for ya." " What are you doing, that train went that way!" " What about me?" " I need your rocket." " Now." " I don't know why I never thought of this;" "it would have been perfect for early propulsion tests." " What exactly is your plan?" " I either catch that train or be in Denver for lunch." " Try the omelette;" "I hear it's great!" "  Brisco?" "  Can't talk now Amanda." " Light the fuse." " If you don't mind, I think we're going to step back a bit." " It works!" " But it needs brakes." " Brisco?" " Damn!" "  It's going too fast!" "  Let's go!" " There's no brakes!" " No fuel!" "  Here's the gold, just like Bly promised!" "  Whoo!" " What's this?" " Hey Big, what's "youpho" mean?" " Open it and find out!" "  Woa, would you look at that." "  It's incredible." " Big;" "Big, get over here." " Hey, get away from that!" " Do we get to take it?" " Bly said: take everything." " County!" " Open that door!" " Open that door!" " Either untie us or do something, this here's a runaway train." " An we're running out of track." " Now I've got too many brakes!" "  Oh, County." "  I'm terribly sorry Mr Thorogood." " It's alright Gordon, I can handle it." " If you're looking for your bounty, you've come to the wrong department." " See Mr Poole." " No, I'm here on another matter." " I'm all ears." " When did you go into partnership with John Bly?" "  I beg your pardon?" "  You heard me." " My hearing's fine." " It's your reasoning that seems impaired." " This is your cane, isn't it Thorogood?" " It's very distinctive." " Do you use it often?" " On occasion." " What about the night you passed the gold train schedule on to Dixie Cousins?" "  I see where you're going with this." "  Should I continue?" " Please do." " You have me on the edge of my chair." " Your train was carrying more than gold back to Washington." " It also carried an object known as "the orb"." " That's correct." " So what?" " The government owns it." " They claimed it." " They're taking it to the Smithsonian for study." " But you wanted it for yourself, so you went into partnership with Bly." " You tipped him off to the train schedule so he could rob it." " He gets the gold, you get the orb, and Washington would never know you had it." " Why are you wasting my time with all of this?" " You seem to have it all figured out." " Except one thing: why do you want it?" " What's so important about the orb?" " Why don't you ask the coolies who found it?" " They took one of the rods out of the orb, and it gave them each the strength of a dozen men." " Hard to believe, isn't it?" " Incredible, huh?" " But it's true, I know it's true, because I tried it myself." "  You did what?" "  I tried it- ...myself." " It's like the kick of a mule, isn't it Mr County?" " I feel like I'm 22 again." " You're a fool Thorogood." " You've tampered with powers you don't even understand." " Looks like the partnership's been dissolved." " Quite a mystery with this orb." " Consider:" "it gave freedom to the Chinese labourers, yet it took Thorogood's life." " Don't you find that paradoxical?" " I don't know Socrates, but I'll tell you this:" " the matter deserves further study." "  I agree." " Oh, by the way:" "I like the new look." " What look?" " No tie." " You're not wearing any tie." " Oh, yes, right." " I'm adopting your suggestion to develop a personality for outside the courtroom." " I'm also thinking of dropping my g's, as in "I'll be waitin' for ya Brisc."" " Did you notice I called you Brisc?" " Something else I'm thinking of doing:" "giving people affectionate nicknames." " So, whadya think?" "  Well, it's a step in the right direction." "  Uh huh." " Now, where are you going?" " You've still got a job to do." " There's someone I need to talk to." " Don't worry, I'll be back." " Be waitin' for ya, Brisc!" " Hello Dad." " This is tough work you used to do." " I don't know how you did it." " This first one almost killed me, and I've got twelve more to go." " Maybe it gets easier as you go along, huh?" " I guess not." " Well, you had one hell of a funeral Dad." " Governors from three states and two territories showed up." " I'm sorry I missed it." " I'm sorry I missed a lot of things." " But I am going to finish the job you started." " You can count on that." " John Bly has to be caught." " I hope you're looking out for me up there." " I can use all the help I can get." " Okay, take it easy." " I'm done." " Come on Comet, we've got a long ride ahead of us."