"Previously on Awkward..." "You've been so saran-wrapped around Jake, you can't even see it." " I'm not clingy." " Matty is." "  Nice job, McKibben." "  What?" " You were totally sabotaging them." " Your dad left today." " It's not just for a few days, is it?" " No." " Post my parents' separation," "I'd spent a lot of time playing the blame game." " And nine times out of ten, the onus of their split landed on me." " I regretted ever saying anything about the letter, and I was consumed with guilt." " So I was willing to be with anyone and do anything to avoid feeling like a bad person." "[ Organ playing]" "My mom was also looking for redemption." " And while our relationship was still on shaky ground, she needed a little hand-holding, willing or otherwise." " She wasn't good at being alone." " Not that she excelled at being in public either." " Everyone, please open your bibles to Psalm 46." " Oh, no, thank you." " I think we're supposed to put money in." " At least there was one saving grace to getting up early on a Sunday." "[ Upbeat music]" "This was enlightening, but let's go before the welcome committee takes us hostage." " I probably should have tried to save my mom, but sometimes, you just have to save yourself." " Check." " Check." " Double check." " Jenna!" "[ Gasps] You have to come to the retreat." " On Saturday night, there's a "Saints and Sinners" party that we secretly call "haloed bros and biblical hos."" " And then on the Sunday, Jesus forgives all your sins, and there's a taco party!" "  So you going to come?" "  Hmm." " What would Jenna do?" " I'm thinking about it." "[ Gasps]" "And I was." " Since my home no longer felt like a safe haven," "I was open to exploring gods." " Maybe it was going to be a new day." "[ Gasps] Pastor Don!" " This is Jenna." " She's the girl we've been praying for." " Remember?" " The harlot who stole my boyfriend." "[ Ominous music]" "Scratch that." " It was judgment day." " You're going to church camp?" " With Dim Sum?" " It's a retreat, which I could really use, given all the chaos going on with my parents." " I think I need a little spiritual guidance right now." " Well, if they tell you to drink the kool-aid" " and take a nap, don't." "  It's a church, not a cult." " If you want a retreat, why not just hole up with me?" " I'm grounded for the weekend, so we can do blah-di-na together." " Thanks, but I really need to clear my head." " What I'm going through can't be fixed by stuffing my face in a rom-com-athon." " And why are you grounded?" " 'Cause Ricky Schwartz got me suspended and ruined my life!" " Suspension." " Nice." " I like punishment." " Hey, Kyle." " How's your band?" " Jenna lives?" " We broke up." " Started getting too much attention from the mainstream, you know, like jocks, class presidents, that type." " I didn't want to be a sellout." " Are you talking about Jenna?" " No." " He was totally talking about you." " I knew he was a stalker." "" Take it outside"?" " Where have I heard that before?" " Apparently, I wasn't the only one who had lost faith in myself." " My stalker had too." " Maybe it was time for a little divine..." "Intervention?" " Why do I need an intervention?" " Because your "holier than thou" bit is getting old." " I'm losing patience." " Isn't forgiveness Jesus's whole deal?" " I mean, he didn't judge that hooker with the burning bush." " Sadie, you made me do evil things, and now JC is mad at me." " That's why he took Jake away." " No." " Jenna took Jake away." " And she's repenting, which is more than I can say for you." " Jenna's going to my church and probably coming to my retreat this weekend." "  Of her own volition?" "  Yeah." " I think we're finally going to be friends." " Maybe even best friends." " Got a minute?" "[ Gasps, sighs]" "I actually have another appointment, but, ugh, that kid's a total snooze." " So, yeah, have a seat." " What's going on?" " I've been having a hard time lately." " Are you off your meds?" " I was never on them." " I'm depressed because my parents are separated." "  Your dad's single?" "  What?" " That must be hard for you." " I mean, considering how attractive he is." " Oh, now you're going to have to compete with other girls for his attention." " Do you think he likes them young, or is he into ladies..." "his own age?" " I don't know, and I don't care." " What I want is for my parents to get back together." " I feel like their breakup is my fault, and it makes me question who I am." " Internal reflection is good, helps us mature." " Which is why I'm going on a church retreat." " With Bible-thumpers?" " I think putting my worry into a higher power will bring me some comfort, you know?" " J., do not be seduced by the doughnuts." " It's not about the doughnuts." " It was kind of about the doughnuts." " Listen, when I was your age, I got mixed up with a group of "good kids" too." " Lured me in with the sugary, fried treats, made me feel accepted, and then, slowly but surely," "I started judging anyone who drank coke and didn't wear bloomers." " It's a slippery slope, J." "Religion is all about preying on the weak, and you, my friend" "You're an easy target." " While I wasn't convinced that religion was about exploiting the weak, in my vulnerable state, I couldn't take the risk." " I'd have to find another way to soothe my soul." " And if I wasn't going to lean on Jesus," "I'd lean on Jake." " Dude, she was just checking you out." " Yeah, so?" " So she's hot, right?" " Dude, you gotta get out of this funk." " I will, I just need some time." " Please don't talk about that girl again." "  Hey." "  Let's just drop it." " Oh, hey, babe." " Matty needs a cool girl's point of view on something." "  Nah, I don't." "  He does." " He's been totally fixating on some lame girl." "  I didn't say she was lame." "  No, I did." " If Matty was going to fixate on a new girl," "I'm glad Jake thought she was lame." " They've been flirting and hooking up, and now she's totally dissing him." " To be fair, been non-committal." " Matty was up to his old tricks." " And while I didn't want to hear the details, it was nice to know it wasn't about me." " She's been leading him on since the summer." " So it was about me." " And then she ditched him over break for some other dude." " She's a bitch." " I didn't say she was a bitch." " Will you stop defending her?" " Two minutes ago, you said you felt betrayed." " Tell him." " She's a bitch, right?" " She's a bitch." " And a relationship assassin." " Not only had I split up my parents, but I'd come precariously close to ending a friendship." " Jake's judgment had only further cemented my first instinct." " I was a bad person, and I needed to redeem myself." " I got the answer to all your problems." " A double date this weekend." " I'm going to fix you up." " I can't." " I'm going to church camp." "[ Upbeat music]" "Are you sure you want to do this?" "  Yes." "  But you don't know anybody." " You're going to be alone." " You are not good at being alone." " No, mom, that would be you." " The retreat was exactly what I needed to clear my conscience." " People weren't judgey, they were handsy." " Ooh." " And considering all the action I was getting on the bus, there was a solid chance" "I would find comfort being embraced by a community of loving, affectionate-- haters." " Ho-bags are relegated to the back of the bus." " All:" "Let's go, Jesus, let's go!" " T, Sadie's here." " I need you to steal your mom's car" " and come rescue me." "  I'm on lockdown, remember?" "  Can you call your mom?" "  She's not picking up." " I came here for peace of mind, and that's the last thing I'm going to get with that bitch by my bunk." "[ Gasps]" "Do you think Kyle drives a Prius?" " Kyle?" " I-I don't know." " So he could drive a Prius." " I'm lost." " What are we talking about?" " Remember his shirt?" "" Take it outside"?" " I realized where I know that from-- my mouth." " That's what I said to Ricky Schwartz when I pulled my freak-a-deak at the assembly." " Kyle's moved on from stalking you to stalking me!" " T., hold on a second." " Continue." " Under normal circumstances, I'd be into having a creeper." " But I went on Kyle's page, and under interests, he has "take it outside" as a club." " He started a club, Jenna." " Okay, the Kyle sitch definitely warrants attention, but if I don't get out of here soon," "I'm going to have to man vs. Wild it." " I'd rather brave the elements than spend 48 hours with Satan Saxton." " Call me if you have any brainstorms on how to escape." " Gotta go." "[ Alternative music]" "Hey, come look at something." "  What?" "  This." " Stay away from Lissa." " She's not your friend." "  She's mine." "  Jenna!" " You're saved." "  Where am I sleeping?" "  On the floor." " Sadie, you're being un-Christian." " God, what do you want from me?" " I'm here, aren't I?" " Physically you're here, but spiritually, you're, like, in Canada." " Apologize." "  Sorry." "  Sadie will share her bunk." "  I'll sleep on the floor." "  You don't want to do that." "  There are mice and spiders." "  And it still reeks of vomit from last year's camp-wide food poisoning." " Not a good year for the taco party." "  Looking for TP?" "  No, I'm looking for a ride." "  You can't go home yet." "  Sadie Saxton is in my cabin." " Oh, well, you know what they say." "" What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."" " I wouldn't put it past her to smother me in my sleep." " Don't let Sadie spoil the retreat." " She could've ruined my experience," " but I didn't let her." "  What did she do to you?" " She outed me." " Last year no one knew I was gay." " I think we all knew." " Come on." " Toned it down a bit." " Except for the backpack." " Girl's gotta have some pink." " So you believe in being a glutton for punishment." "  I don't." "  No." " I believe in respect and tolerance." " To me, that's what christianity is all about." " But this place only teaches Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." " I'm not totally sold on the whole "Jesus being straight" thing" "All that time in the desert with 12 dudes and no women." " That's blasphemy." " Just saying." " Clark, I really need to get out of here." " This whole thing was an impulse decision." " I only came here because I was feeling really crappy about myself, and I was desperate for something to make me feel better, but this ain't it." " No one is going to make you have a bad experience unless you let them." " Stay." " Don't be a pussy." " Are you on the payroll?" " I should be." "[ Cell phone rings]" "Okay." " I'm in, but I'm going to need a cot." "[ Beep] Sorry I missed your call, honey, I was blasting the radio and didn't hear my phone." " I just need the address, and I'll pick you up." " It doesn't matter what time." " I put my cell on loud, and I'm just going to keep looking at it until you call." " A glass of wine?" " Oh, no, I'm-- I won't be here long." " I'm getting something to go." "  Someone sent it over." "  Jenna's mom!" " Jenna's counselor." " Counselor/vice principal." " I'm kind of doing both jobs right now till we find a replacement." " What are you doing, the old shame grab-and-go?" "[ Laughs] There's no shame in it." " I'm alone for the weekend." " Oh, I heard." " Jenna's dad left you high and dry, huh?" " No, we're just taking a break, but it's an adjustment." " It's been a while since I've been on my own." " Well, why not eat here?" " Nah, I don't need all the stares." " Oh, I get it." " I get it." " You're afraid." " I'm not." " I just don't like to eat alone in public." " Personally, I find it empowering." " Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a flight attendant on a layover, and I only have a few hours before I hop on my red-eye to Barcelona." " Take a sip." " I dare ya." " Or you can pound it." " Ooh." "[ Upbeat religious music]" "Where's your costume, Jenna?" " Oh, she is the serpent who tempted Adam and Eve and ruined paradise." " Like I said, where's the costume?" " What are you?" " Saint or sinner?" " I'm a pregnant woman who claims she's a virgin, so..." "Decide for yourself." " This is not what I expected." " I thought the retreat would be all about trust falls" " and worship." "  How's that for a trust fall?" " Oh!" " I know it'll be hard, but by the end of this dance, you're going to have to..." " Stop worshipping me." "  You left me 20 messages." " Oh, don't try to change the subject." " Do you think I'm an idiot?" " Could be." " I don't know you." " I know you know I coined "take it outside."" " Everyone at school does." " I said it when I publicly hated-berated Ricky Schwartz." " Who?" " If you want to play dumb, could you at least have the decency to make the shirts in a color that would highlight my undertones?" " Which, for future ref, would be purple or teal." " Quitting Skype." " I'm ordering you to cease and desist." " And until you do, I want a cut of those shirts!" "[ Scoffs] What the hell?" "[ Dance music]" "Oh, crap, I forgot I have dining duty." " No!" " Remember the last time you left me alone with Eve?" "  Things got messy." "  You'll be fine." " Share circle!" "[ Cheering]" "What's share circle?" "[ Ominous music]" "But after my third time in rehab," "I finally traded drugs for Jesus." " Let us pray with the laying of hands." " I made a lot of mistakes this year." " After some bad advice from a friend," "I broke my purity pledge..." "with my hands." " I gave my ex countless rub-and-tugs." " Actually, I did count." " It was 47." " I wasn't sure what was more disturbing." " Lissa going into graphic detail about handles or hearing that my boyfriend was on the other end of her hand." " I don't think hand love is a sin." " Well, you may not personally think so, but corinthians says that all the stuff leading up to sex should only happen inside marriage." " Corinthians got married at 12." " God will forgive you if you forgive your friend." " Let us-- Wait." " Are you a righty or a lefty?" " Righty." " Thanks." " It's a lot to overcome, but I'm on my path." " There was no doubt the share circle was cathartic for those willing to bare all, and for once, it was nice to be out of the spotlight." " Speaking of overcoming," "Jenna, how did you overcome your suicide attempt?" " I didn't try to commit suicide." " It was an accident and a rumor." " Come on, Jenna, you're among friends." " If you ask God for forgiveness, you'll be forgiven." " There is no shame in confessing." " I don't have anything to confess." " Uh-oh. [ Giggles] Isn't lying a sin too?" " This is serious." " You have to ask for forgiveness, or you'll go to hell." " Eternal lake of fire..." "[Raspy] Hell." " She didn't commit suicide;" "She just attempted it." " Then I guess she's going to purgatory." " Didn't they get rid of purgatory, or was that limbo?" " She can't go to limbo." " That's for unbaptized babies." " That is perfect for Jenna." " She was an accident." " Instead of being redeemed, I was crucified." " And I couldn't wait three days for my resurrection." " I love Satan." "[ Gasps]" "I love Satan!" " I love..." " Seitan." "  Oh." "  It's like tofu." "  Mmm." " It's like food, but not." " Mm-hmm." " Would you like another glass of wine?" " Mm." "[ Snaps fingers]" " Whoo!" "  Yes..." "I would." " Do you two want to share a table?" " Both:" "No." " I'm eating alone." "  Okay." "  Okay." " So another trick to the "eating alone" trade..." " Mm-hmm." "  Is about the reading material." " Sure, you look cool reading Hemingway..." "[Scoffs]" "But it is impossible to hold a book and eat at the same time, so I like to dine with my parents." "[ Laughter] Will there be anything else?" "[ Gasps] I will have a cappuccino." " Both:" "Ooh!" " The student has surpassed the teacher." " I, sir, will have one too." " I did it!" " I had dinner alone!" "[ Sighs] I'm going to be okay." " You know, I never thought that I could be by myself, but being here..." " With you..." " Oh." " Alone, I proved it." " God, I'm good on my own." " You are." " In fact, you are so good that you won't even flinch if a friend or an acquaintance starts dating your husband." "[ Laughs]" "Jenna?" " I'm so sorry that you got put in the hot seat." " For what it's worth, I don't think you're going to hell." " Unless you really love Satan." " You're a really good person." "  I am?" "  Yes." " If the roles had been reversed with the whole Jake sitch," "I don't know if I'd have been as easily forgiving." " We all make mistakes, but God gives us the opportunity to learn from them." " Forgiving other people is the easy part of the process." " It's learning how to forgive ourselves that's hard." " It was true." " Lissa was far wiser than people knew." " I better get back to share circle and explain things." " Because if people have different interpretations of the Bible, christianity will never survive." "[ Laughter]" "[Car horn honks]" "[Alternative music]" "You good?" "  Yep." "  Me too." " I'm a total pro at rolling solo." " In fact, I'm going to go watch TV... alone... and enjoy it." " See, that right there is what they don't teach you in church." " It's called... evolution." " And like my mom, I had somehow evolved too." " While I had been seeking absolution from a higher power, what I really needed was to absolve myself." " For the first time since my parents' split," "I didn't feel so alone." "[ Computer tone]" "[Computer tone]" "So, camp wasn't all bad?" " And it wasn't all good, but I was reminded of something" "I hadn't realized was missing from my life." " Compassion." " Congratulations." " But I'm not as enlightened as you." " If you and your psycho friends want to worship me, then you might as well have some decent pictures and accurate info." " Whoa." " You need to take it outside." " Don't tell me to take it outside." " That's my job." "  Take this." "  I don't get it." " It's pertinent information for your "club."" " Everything from my current Facebook interests all the way back to my fifth grade MySpace page." " Take it outside is for lonely kids who spend too much time on their computers." " You should join." "[ Quirky music]" " We can be friends." "  Really?" " This weekend, I realized Jesus put you in my life as a test." " And while his class is totally hard, and there are no cliff notes, and in real life, I've never gotten above a B-minus," "I'm determined to get an "A."" "Whatever works for you." " Anyway, you should know that, while you were in couples counseling with JC," "Amy snaked your spot in the pyramid." " I'll pray on it." " Right after I take that skank down." " H-hi." " Uh, how was your weekend?" " Cathartic." "  Yours?" "  Not." " I am sorry about Friday." " I wasn't railing on you to Jake." " I don't think you're lame or a bitch, and I've just been feeling like crap thinking that you think I think that." " Did that even make sense?" " I guess we both had been going through our own crisis of conscience." " You don't need to apologize." " Things have been weird..." "for both of us." " Truce?" " Truce." " I wasn't the only thing evolving." " My relationship with Matty was too." "  Hey." "  Hey." " I had faith that Matty and I had the potential to be friends." "[ Alternative music]" "In the very distant future." " Next on Awkward..." "I need some advice." " What makes a perfect date for a Valentine?" " Matty and that freshman-- Are they dating?" " Dating?" " No." " Have you guys seen that girl Matty's been hanging out with?" "  Yes." "  Yes." " Do you think she's attractive?" "  Yes." "  Yes." " My friends are allowed to make new friends." " It's just that this new friend doesn't really meet my old friend's standards." " Then why do you seem so jealous?" " I'm not jealous!"