"You know, sometimes sex is like such a confusing thing in my life." " Listen, sex seems very complicated and confusing, but it's very simple." " The man takes his penis, puts it into a woman's vagina, he ejaculates and she dies." " She dies?" " Oh, no, I was thinking of something else." " That's..." "♪ Louie, Louie, Le, Louie ♪" "♪ Louie, Louie, Louie louaaa ♪" "♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪" "♪ Louie, Louie you're gonna cry ♪" "♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪" "♪ Louie, Louie, Louie louaaa ♪" "I guess I feel like I should go out and get laid, but I don't have sex drive, really." " I have..." "It's not sex drive..." "I have sex..." "Just sit in the car and hope someone gets in." " There's not really..." "it's not drive." " Hi." " I just wanted to say I thought you were really funny." " Wow, thank you, thanks very much." " I was listening to what Louie said about younger girls, though." " Uh-huh." " Well, it's not true, not for all of us." " Oh, yeah, how's that?" " Well, I'm really turned on by older guys." " You are?" " Sure." " How old are you?" " 26." " That turns you on, doesn't it?" " Just the number." " Can I ask you..." "Why do you like older guys?" " I don't know." " Guys my age just suck." " They all think they're so great." " They have all this annoying energy, and they're all pink and smooth like a baby." " Eww." " Yeah, I guess I... but older guys are just relaxed." " I mean, you've given up, which makes you grounded." " Your skin is all loose and a little dry." " And you smell weirdo we smell weird totally... do you mind?" " Mmm, yeah... you smell." " Like what?" " I don't know, like..." "Dying?" " It's sexy." " Well, you smell nice, too." " Well, yeah, young pussy smells good." " Holy shit." " I know." " You've hit the jackpot, right?" " Listen, this is the greatest thing that e to me, clearly, but I don't know about being in a relationship with a younger..." "Relationship ?" " Eww." " Who said anything about that?" " Here you are..." "can we go?" " Oh, baby." " Yeah." " Oh..." "Oh, my God, you're so old." " What?" " You're so old, you're so goddamn old." " Yeah, I'm pretty old." " Tell me." " Tell me how old you are." " I'm 42." " Oh..." "I'm almost 43." " Oh!" " I was born in 1967." " Oh, God, that's cry old!" " I remember going to movies when it cost $3." " Oh, shit, yeah!" " I remember smoking on airplanes." " Oh, shit, that's so long ago!" " I had a vein removed from my leg year." " Yes, so did my mom..." "don't stop!" " I voted for Mike Dukakis." " Oh!" " Who the hell is that?" " I'm older than any baseball player, except Jamie Moyer, I think." " He's still playing for the Phillies." " Oh, oh... oh!" " Should I call you, or...?" " Nope." " That was great, though, thanks." " Okay." " Sex drive has to come from somewhere, and it's not just about sex." " Sex has something behind it and it's weird, 'cause we ignore it." " Sex is reallying to get somewhere." " E it's... it's trying to have a family." " You don't really wanna know that because we've separated those two things, but the entire reason sex exists is to have babies." " That the only reason it exists at all, but we're such a narcissistic species that we've separate..." "we've made it just... 'cause we just wanna..." "like, we just wanna just..." "It's just a weird kind of behavior." " We just want to spray jizz everywhere just for no reason." " 'Cause that urge is the urge to procreate." " A horny teenage boy is thinking, "I want a baby." "" Oh, yeah." "" Oh, dude." "" Oh, look at her tits." "" I want her to feed my little baby with her big tits." " Oh, yeah !"" " That's what that is." " But we make it this separate thing." " Animals must think we're idiots." " Animals that watch us have sex must be like..." ""they don't know what they're..." "He's coming on her tits, he's a moron, this guy."" "" Woo-hoo, doo !"" " Just, "whoops !"" " It just looks stupid to them." " Anyway, I'm a..." "I'm a father." " Why?" " Why?" " It's weird the kind of things people will clap for." " It's interesting." " First of all, right away, any kind of a, "I got kids."" " There you go." "" I ate 'em both."" "" Oh." "" Wish I'd had..." "wish I'd waited." " Maybe a premature clap right there with that."" " I mean, some parents are okay." " Some parents are douche bags." " Good evening." " Good evening, may I have your attention?" " Yes." " Thank you, good evening." " As always, we are really grateful for those of you who pitch in here and add your ideas." " Except you never use any of our ideas or really listen." " Jay, I don't think you can say that and be fair." " Look, I am more than happy to look at your ideas." " Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." " Okay." " Chris is here to talk about some ways are trying to include more physical activity in the curriculum to deal with this fatigue problem." " I'm sorry, what was that?" " Sorry?" " Oh, it's my first PTA meeting." " Oh, well, thank you, thank you for coming." " Thanks." " I just was wondering, what is meant by the fatigue problem?" " Yeah, I'm curious about that, too." " It's also my first PTA meeting." " I work, hi." " The fatigue problem is what was identified in the first quarter of this school year as being a marked decline in the spirit and interest and energy of the kids here." " Usually around noon or right after lunch." " It's because of the lunch." " They aren't given enough time to eat." " No, it's not that..." "they're being demoralized." " You fill them with academics, you don't tell them who they are." " For now, we are focusing on the lack of physical activity." " Now, we still don't have a gym because of last year's diarrhea flood." " Excuse me, excuse me." " S." "My name is Nancy Cartesian." " My son is never Cartesian." " Jesus." " He has definitely suffered from the fatigue syndrome." " In my opinion, it's because of the competitive nature of this school, of the children and..." "I've been reading about this reggio teaching method from Italy..." "it's like Montessori, only it's a little bit more creative." " When are they supposed to dance?" " It's the academics." " This place is still stuck in the '70s." " Who still teaches math anymore?" " We've been talking about introducing some competitive sports." " I think our just need to be allowed to play more creatively." " You are all way off..." "this problem's..." "Isn't it just..." "it's school, right?" " So, I mean, school sucks." " Right?" " I mean, you do what you can to improve it, but it's not..." "In the end, there's a limit, 'cause it's school." " And school sucks." " Remember?" " Hey." " Hey." " Hey, could I get one of those?" " Sure." " Thank you." " Yeah, I don't think your "school sucks" initiative is gonna get much support." " Mm-hmm." " Just saying." " I know." " I don't even know why I came." " I guess I just figured you gotta go to one PTA meeting." " Say." " Hey, your son..." "Serge." " Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know anybody's names." " It's all right." " You guys are in my Lilly's class." " Yeah, I know." " Yeah?" " Yeah, serge talks about Lilly all the time." " He's in stupid love with her." " I didn't know that." " Well, listen, Lilly hasn't made a lot of friends in the new class and I was wondering if maybe you just wanna do a playdate?" " You're not trying to stick your dick up me, are you?" " No, I just..." "You can drop him off and go do something else." " I just..." "Lilly's kind of a loner." " I wanna get a playdate for her, that's all." " Okay, 'cause nothing goes in here anymore." " I mean, all this shit is shut down for good." " All right, well, I don't think I'll be needing any of that "shit" for the playdate, so." " So when do you want to do it?" " Are you making a playdate?" " Because Never would really like one also." " Oh, no, mm-mmm." " No, we were just..." "nope." " Yeah." " Oh, my God, I feel awful." " I don't." " That woman's an asshole." " Have you met never?" " That kid is a piece of shit." " Well, he d out of an asshole." " Sometimes I feel like I just..." "I don't have any friends." " And why do you think that is?" " I don't know." " Do you think it's..." "Because you're fat?" " Who are you..." "you think I'm fat?" " I'm asking you if you think you're fat." " No, you asked me if I thought" "I didn't have friends because I'm fat." " Because..." "You think you're fat." " Hey." " Hey... hey, girls, serge is here." " I was gonna take you up on your offer of using this time to do something, but I couldn't make anything happen." " So do you mind if I stay?" " Yeah, of course, please, come on in." " Okay." " All right, honey..." "shoes." " Take 'em off." " No, no, no, he doesn't have to." " Oh, please." " He steps in dog poop on purpose." " Do you have wine?" " So when did you guys get divorced?" " Well, we got separated about two years ago and the divorce took forever." " Is serge okay with nuts?" " Yeah, and his really likes wine." " Oh, shit, I'm sorry." " Is this okay?" " Yes, please." " Why don't you peel carrots?" " I got this." " Okay." " Mmm!" " Oh, my God, this is so good!" " It's just some rice and beans." " Mm-mmm." " You don't understand." " I come home from work," "I make him macaroni and cheese," "I eat whatever's left in his bowl while he's in the tub." " I wish daddy would make macaroni and cheese." " Hey, listen, little girl, you should be happy that your daddy takes the time to make nice food for you." " You should be grateful." " What does grateful mean?" " She knows what grateful means." " Ooh." " Undercut by big sister, I like it!" " So where is..." "Serge's dad?" " Yeah, sorry." " You know, I feel like you shouldn't ask anybody about anybody just to be safe... you never know." " Good rule, definitely." " Well, people are so stupid." " They're like..." ""where is your wife ?"" " Like they never heard of divorce or people dying." " And they go, "I'm so sorry."" " Like, you didn't say you were so sorry when I was stuck in a shitty marriage." " Well, most divorced people are depressing." " They're lost." " You're doing fine." " You're obviously a great dad." " What?" " How do you know I'm such a great dad?" " Just 'cause I'm in the same room with my children, that's it?" " Yeah, exactly." " Just by showing up, you're father of the year." " You're here, you're peeling a carrot." " You're amazing." " That's kind of offensive to fathers." " Well, it should be." " Fathers should be offended all the time, they stink." " Oh, come on." " Look, you really gonna defend fathers?" " What was your father like?" " Not around." " Dude, take the compliment." " You're a great dad." " Thanks." " Daddy, we're chasing serge." " That's great, honey." " I know you told me her name but I forgot." " What is it?" " Doesn't matter." " Oh, my God." " Okay..." "What's the worst thought you ever had about your kids?" " I don't know, you go first." " All right." " I would never hit serge, never." " But sometimes," "I think about hitting him." " Like, I picture it, like a fantasy." " Come on, that's not so bad." " Well, I mean, I don't think about it when he's being bad or I'm having a hard time with him or anything like that, I just..." "I think about it when I'm bored or when I'm bored of being a mom, or when he's just boring." " I just think a hitting him right in his stupid little face." " Oh, my God, that's awful." " I know." " Oh, my God." " I know." " Jesus." " All right, so what's yours?" " Oh, uh..." "I don't know, I'm drawing a blank." " Come on." " I can't think of anything." " That's not fair..." "you're a piece o it." " I can't think of anything." " You're gonna make me burn in hell alone?" " No, no, no, no, no, no, okay." " Bad..." "What... hurry!" " Okay, okay, okay, all right, you know what?" " I was thinking that on Jane's 18th birthday, right?" " That's the day I stop being a dad, of children, officially." " Like, the day I just..." "I just become a guy, not "daddy,"" "I just become just some dude." " I think on that day..." "I might kill myself." " Oh, my God!" " Please do it now." " Oh, my God, you're the biggest bummer I ever met." " I hate you." " Oh, I'm having so much fun." " Pamela?" " Pamela ?" " O oh, hey, serge, your mom is..." "She just got tired." " She had too much wine." " Mama, mama, wake up." " Oh, honey." " Okay, we're going now." " Thank you so much, thanks for everything." " Bye, girls!" " You're going?" " All right, well..." "Grab your shoes." " All right, well, bye, than for everything." " Right, sure." " Thanks for coming." " I've never gotten laid 'cause of the way I look in my life..." "I know that." " I've never gained from my looks at all." " It's not like, "oh, they're going, what am I gonna do now ?"" " I've never gained any advantage in life..." "I've never been laid 'cause of the way I look." " I've never been a guy who I just walk in a room and women go," ""ohh..."" "They drop their microphones and start masturbating their vaginas and anuses at the same time." " I'm not that guy." " There are those guys." " I'm not that guy." " I'm the guy that women see and they go..." ""eh ?"" " And I'm like," ""I know, but let me just talk to you for a minute."" " And then later that night, she's like," ""I can't believe I'm having sex with that weird guy."" " I'm like, "I know, it's weird, but it does happen."" " I don't know what..." "What kind of position we're in that she's doing this and I'm doing this." " Just kind of just poking her." " And she's like, "really ?"" "" Yeah, this is all I like," "I don't... nothing else works, sorry."" " I can't..." "I just can't get organized, you know?" " I feel like my whole life is just..." "I feel like I'm underwater." " I'm just overwhelmed by everything that I have to do." " Have you ever heard..." "Of someone dying..." "And then..." "You got an erection?" " What?" " No." " No, that never..." "that never happened to me." " That happened to me."