This week we’re taking a look at the best of 2015, both in culture, sports, and a whole lot more. 

This is not part of that.  This is the For The Win staff coming together and moaning about the movies this year that we thought were just terrible.  This is your haters’ guide to movies in 2015.  Enjoy:

Ted Berg: Sicario

The overwhelming majority of critics and audience members on Rotten Tomatoes say Sicario is a good movie, which only confirms my longstanding belief that the overwhelming majority of human beings are fools with terrible taste.  Sicario was an infuriatingly bad movie, frustrating in that it used beautiful cinematography and some excellent acting performances to mask a woeful, aimless and, at times, downright insulting plot with too many too predictable twists and a wild imbalance of expository dialogue to expository actual stuff happening on screen. 

Some might suggest the confusing and ultimately meaningless story the movie tells means to mirror the confusing and ultimately meaningless efforts of the last throes in the United States’ war on drugs, but those people are giving way too much credit to an abysmal film.  Emily Blunt’s character — portrayed by some as a strong female lead even though she is decidedly not that — basically spends the whole movie asking, “Are you a bad guy?  Are you sure you’re not a bad guy?”  And everyone else is like, “No, I’m definitely not a bad guy, I promise,” until the time comes when they’re like, “SIKE!  I was a bad guy all along.”  Never has a movie with such a high body count proved so incredibly dull. 

Nick Schwartz: Jurassic World

If Jurassic World was a character from the original Jurassic Park, it would be the cowardly lawyer who abandons a group of children and is brutally eaten by a T-Rex while sitting on the toilet.  Jurassic World — an embarrassment to the movies that preceded — somehow made more than $1.5 billion, and Chris Pratt has already signed on for sequels.  Jurassic World 2: Chris Pratt teaches velociraptors how to do calculus… IN SPACE! 

Nate Scott: True Detective Season 2

Is True Detective’s second season a movie?  No.  But you know what, I’m the culture editor of this website, and I’m doing what I want.  So True Detective’s second season is my worst movie of the year. 

Guys, the second season of True Detective was so unbelievably bad.  Just awful.  Truly putrid.  What could have been a dark, cool investigation into the shady dealings of California real estate, a modern Chinatown for the premium TV age, turned into a confusing, boring, dumb examination of I don’t even know what.  I watched the show a few months ago and don’t remember a thing about the plot, except Vince Vaughn losing some money in real estate deal, and someone dying, but I don’t even remember who.  I cared so little that I forgot who died.  I don’t even remember who the central mystery was about.  I think he was the money guy for Vaughn?  Or something?  I don’t even know.  My brain shot it out, as if launched from a cannon made of not caring whatsoever. 

What I do remember is Vaughn and poor Kelly Reilly having to mumble their way through scene after scene in poorly lit, under-decorated rooms, talking about faith and lost youth and sorry I’d keep writing but I just dry-heaved a little bit. 

The worst part of its badness was that it partially ruined the first season, which I genuinely loved.  It was so bad it made me wonder if I was just an idiot for liking the first season.  This season made me question my own taste and intelligence.  Ugh.  Boo.  Boo this show.  BOOOOOO!!!! 

Hemal Jhaveri: Jurassic World

There’s a lot of things wrong with this movie (reductive gender stereotypes, annoying kids, plot holes) but let’s focus on the most irritating detail of all: Bryce Dallas Howard’s character, the frigid Claire Dearing, spends the entire movie running from dinosaurs IN HEELS and doesn’t break her neck. 

I can suspend my disbelief long enough to accept that dinosaurs are not only back but humans have grown bored with them, but I can’t imagine a word in which any woman can run through the damn jungle in five-inch heels and not break her ankle. 

Claire works on a tropical island and a large part of her job presumably seems to be walking around said island.  This woman should be smart enough to keep an extra pair of flats under her desk.  I walk 20-feet from the parking garage to my desk and I keep extra flats handy in my car, under my desk and in my bag.  Come on Claire. 

Little details like that only emphasize what a Tyrannosaurus-sized mess the sequel is.  Plus, as has been pointed out, Jurassic World suffers from serious lack of Jeff Goldblum.  Dr. Ian Malcolm, we need you. 

Alysha Tsuji: Goodnight Mommy

“Goodnight Mommy” is the worst film I saw in theaters this year.  It wasn’t the worst in the sense that it was poorly shot or had an awful plot (the cinematography was actually beautiful and I loved the twisting plot), it was the worst because it was so extremely unpleasant and jarring.  There were certain points in the film in which I wanted to start screaming and sprint out the door.  It was so, so bad, yet oh so good.  It probably doesn’t belong on this list, but whatever, go see it

Laken Litman: Inside Out

I realize this makes me sound heartless and salty, but I’m one of the few people in this world who didn’t like Inside Out.  This Pixar movie is about an 11-year-old girl named Riley whose emotions — that like to fight with each other from a tower in a futuristic Jetsons-like world — control her.  I don’t like this movie because the characterizations of the emotions give children the wrong idea of what they’re feeling in real life. 

A review from the Huffington Post sums up my feelings by calling out Pixar for failing at body image.  For example, the character “Joy” is tall, skinny, glowing, spunky and gets to wear a cute dress.  Nothing is wrong in her world and she controls everything.  Kids will gravitate toward her because she has a sweet voice (played by Amy Poehler) and is pretty and nice like Barbie or Elsa.  Here’s the thing about that: Happiness doesn’t equate being thin and stylish. 

Then there’s Sadness, who plays the feeling of…sadness.  This character is blue (the actual color), short, wears glasses, is plumpy, wears a turtleneck (you know that’s uncomfortable) and everything she touches turns to gloom.  There’s one scene where Sadness is looking for something helpful to do and Joy says she has this brilliant idea and draws a circle on the floor and tells Sadness to stand in it so she can’t touch anything.  Isn’t that bullying?  Anyway, every time this character comes into a scene, it’s automatically depressing.  Her voice is pessimistic and she drags her feet all the time.  But here’s the thing about that: being sad doesn’t make you the “fat lady” or frumpy. 

Kids are impressionable.  They’re more inclined to take this literally.  This movie is setting stereotypes when it should defy them instead. 

Chris Korman: Taken 3

It should be noted that until the idea for this list was floated I had not seen a movie made in 2015.  So late one night at a hotel near Midtown in New York City, I left HBO on while I worked and it played Taken 3, a film released early this year. 

I do not hesitate to tell you it was the worst creative endeavor 2015 in any medium.  I have never seen either of the other Takens, but in this one the character played by Liam Neeson, who I still think of as the father of that kid who learned to play concert-worthy drums in about two weeks in that movie Love Actually, is wholly unconvincing.  I would not let him volunteer to mow my lawn for fear that he could die, or at least fail to ascend the slight slope behind my house.  Yet he can fight everyone all the time and win, survive multiple explosions and magically descend into his sewer fortress at will. 

There is a bizarre Russian villain involved, as if the filmmakers were not properly informed about which cultural stereotypes Americans are currently afraid of.  There’s a terrible scene where he fights and dies in his underwear.  Never watch it. 

Forest Whitaker’s talents are completely wasted.  The plot is absurdly thin; it’s not worth discussing here because if you ever reach the point in your life where viewing this film seems reasonable you will decipher it within the first 45 seconds. 

Try with all you have to avoid that. 

(Editor’s Note: You’re wrong Korman, Neesons can do no wrong.) 

Luke Kerr-Dineen: Mortdecai

I’ve never walked out of a movie, but I should have during Mortdecai.  Johnny Depp is let off his leash and is intent on being as campy as possible, but unlike Pirates or Edward Scissorhands, where he was at his best, there was no underlying point to it.  It was like a 12-year-old trying to write comedy based on his perceptions of high-society, and in the end, it was all quite embarrassing. 

Micah Peters: Spectre

I am not a James Bond buff.  I have seen most of the movies and even attempted to read one or two of the books, but I, like most of you, just enjoy watching a guy in an expertly tailored suit kill for Queen and country and/or drive really nice cars.  Still though, it’s nice when what’s supposed to be a dumb action movie goes beyond being just a dumb action movie.  For example, Skyfall was excellent.  There’s a commentary there about the relevance of espionage as a practice and whether or not a drone could just as easily do the job of our beloved Scottish(?)  secret agent.  On top of that, Javier Bardem’s Mr. Silva wonderfully opaque.  He was weirdly terrifying and probably at least a little gay, and as a rabid mastermind of mayhem and discord fixated on destroying his maker, Silva was perfect. 

But Spectre.  Come on.  I mean, I know that I’m supposed to just be here for the pocket squares and sexual conquests, but am I wrong for wanting a little more than that?  They used the exact same rhetorical devices as they did in the last one: The world needs more visibility.  It doesn’t need MI6.  Maybe it’s time to hang Bond’s three-piece in the rafters.  And it’s cool that they cast an older Bond girl in Monica Belucci to score one against ageism, but did that sex scene have to happen the night after her dead husband’s funeral?  Come to think of it, every racy moment came right after somebody died. 

And Oberhauser.  Ugh, Oberhauser.  What a boring villain.  It’s not Christoph Waltz’s fault.  I’ve convinced myself of that.  The man speaks four or five languages fluently and if you need proof of Waltz’s aptitude at being an unforgettable malefactor, then watch him interrogate a French farmer as Hans Landa in Inglorious Basterds.  No, the Oberhauser character was definitely (poorly) written before Waltz was cast.  That had to be it.  It was like Waltz had no room to breathe.  All the margins had been scribbled in already. 

And on top of all of this, which is already a lot, Oberhauser actually manages to finish this movie alive.  Unforgivable. 

Nate Scott: Aloha

Hey guys, Nate again.  Dropped back in because I almost forgot about Aloha, and I need to write about Aloha, because good lord this movie was the worst. 

Cameron Crowe, if on the off chance you read this: Hey man.  What’s going on?  Like, what is happening with you?  I was willing to excuse We Bought A Zoo because I thought maybe you made that movie on a dare, or maybe your kid agreed to stop throwing his cereal on the floor if you made a movie about zoo animals and you, broken by all the cereal on the floor, agreed.  I don’t know, but I was willing to overlook it. 

But Aloha, I mean, dude.  How do you screw this up?  You got Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Danny McBride, John Krasinski and Bill Freaking Murray to be in your movie and you managed to make it suck.  You can stick those six people in a room, give them a few talking points, film them with a GoPro, and it will be entertaining.  You have to work to make a movie with that cast suck, and you did work, Cameron.  You did it.  The weird thing is, I’m almost gaining a certain kind of sick respect for you.  It’s like you said: You think I can’t take a movie with six of the most charismatic people ever caught on film and make it unwatchable?  Ha!  I laugh at you.  Get a load of this festering turd!  And then you did it. 

Forget everything I said, Cameron.  You have wowed me.  You ate a whole wheel of cheese.  I’m not even mad. 

Chris Chase — None

I saw one movie in a theater this year — Mission Impossible 5, which was a lot of fun — because when you have a two-year-old, the last thing you want to do when you get out is sit in a dark auditorium for two hours while some chucklehead eats popcorn like it’s in a trough and another pulls out his phone for each Facebook alert because those clearly can’t wait.  Also, I don’t watch bad movies.  I research first.  When it comes to film, the theory of crowds — whether critical or cultural — is generally the proper gauge.  I mean, why the hell is Nate watching Aloha?  Is Rotten Tomatoes firewalled on his computer?  Come on, now.  Don’t blame Cameron Crowe, that’s all on you.