I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.  I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning! 

2
posted on 02/07/2012 3:44:13 PM PST
by SgtHooper
(The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it's still on the list.) 

Late one night my car broke down but it was near a motel so I decided to get a room, get a good nights sleep and deal with the car in the morning.  Did I sleep?  Hardly.  All night long some crazy woman kept banging on my door...bang, bang, bang. 

I finally got up and let her out. 

9
posted on 02/07/2012 4:08:32 PM PST
by JPG
(Matters at which the foolish laugh and at whose consequences the prudent weep.) 

Late one night my car broke down as I was traveling in the south but it was near a motel so I decided to get a room, get a good nights sleep but my faucet in the bathroom was dripping.  I called the front desk and told them, “Hey, I got a leak in my sink”.  The clerk replied, “Hey we do that all the time, don’t worry about it”! 

“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home.  In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s.  The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.  When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.” 

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.” 

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in me favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.  Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!” 

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. 
“Did this actually happen to you?” 

“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.” 

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