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2000_914317.txt | Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye!
Emotions: Frustration | Openness: high | Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! | Emotions | Frustration | Openness | high |
2000_890770.txt | I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine.
Emotions: Sadness | Neuroticism: high | I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine. | Emotions | Sadness | Neuroticism | high |
2000_871605.txt | I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy.
Emotions: Satisfaction | Conscientiousness: high | I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. | Emotions | Satisfaction | Conscientiousness | high |
2004_404.txt | I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called "A Tribute to Jack Johnson". The first song "Right Off" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody. . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh? Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were "Metallica and Linkin Park". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note: it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up? That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. "new" meaning "previously unknown" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up.
Emotions: Joy | Openness: high | I just opened iTunes and chose to play Miles Davis's album called "A Tribute to Jack Johnson". The first song "Right Off" begins with a strong groove. this music first puts me into a pretty good mood. It motivates me to want to go to the gym or something and get a little exercise. Now the song is quieting down a little bit after a few bars and slowly building back up. Larry Coryell is on guitar I believe, if not I'm pretty sure it's John McLaughlin. Now Miles is playing. gosh. he's quite an impressive player. He's not showing off by playing a note every second. He takes it slow and builds up a good improvised melody. . and they're always good too. I'd like to choose the songs to play before class starts sometime, to give people a chance to hear very respectable music that most kids nowdays seem to neglect upon hearing, because of a difference in style from the popular, well-advertised music of the 90's and 00's. or otherwise some people aren't even given the chance to be exposed to it. My roommate just came in the room. Speak of the devil, eh? Take him for example. When I first met him and asked what he listened to, the first two things he said were "Metallica and Linkin Park". both of which I am not biased against or hold negative regard towards. Actually I find both bands to be quite interesting. I was exposed to Metallica and that very broad genre back around the days of middle school, and definately listened to it quite extensively. Side note: it's getting hot and I'm turning on the fan. Could this music and the pressure to write as fast as I can be causing my body to heat up? That could be quite interesting. Going back. I find it weird, well not weird but sad basically, that people like my roommate haven't heard and don't seem to be immediately open to new musical tastes. "new" meaning "previously unknown" as opposed to recently released. The song just phased into an ambient sound while Miles is playing over it. The drums, bass, and guitar have dropped out. When the jam comes back in. and here it comes. oh yes. Well done. Movement (change) in music I have realized (as a good explanation) is what creates uniqueness and good sound. Change can include any part of sound. pitch, tempo, tambre, etc. Now it's just the Bass and Miles. On this album is Billy Cobham on drums, Herbie Hancock is on keyboards. I'm not sure who the bass player is off the top of my head. My roommate is playing video games behind me. I understand his addiction. I used to play games all the time throughout middle and high school. I went to an Arts high school for music and sadly games distracted me from studying music and my academics. obviously I did well enough to get into UT, but sadly not well enough for my own standards, although I did not realize it at the time. I quit playing games during my senior year in high school, picked up some other bad habits, but since moving to Austin for school things have changed nicely, and although I'm not completely comfortable with the status of my lifes general direction yet, I guess I feel slightly better and more able to concentrate on the future. although the future is quite unexpected, otherwise I don't really know what I'm going to do. The song just dropped into a drum jam with a guitar riff running continuously over it. . and time's up. | Emotions | Joy | Openness | high |
2002_805223.txt | cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else
Emotions: Frustration | Agreeableness: low | cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else | Emotions | Frustration | Agreeableness | low |
2000_966826.txt | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.
Social Awareness: Self-awareness | Openness: high | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. | Social Awareness | Self-awareness | Openness | high |
2000_966826.txt | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.
Emotions: Compassion | Agreeableness: high | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. | Emotions | Compassion | Agreeableness | high |
2002_972407.txt | My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her! The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy! My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting! I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing.
Thinking styles: Reflective | Openness: High | My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her! The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy! My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting! I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing. | Thinking styles | Reflective | Openness | High |
2000_657578.txt | I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up.
Emotions: Worry | Conscientiousness: Medium | I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up. | Emotions | Worry | Conscientiousness | Medium |
2000_550042.txt | So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my "interesting" train of thought.
Thinking styles: External Thinking | Extraversion: Medium | So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my "interesting" train of thought. | Thinking styles | External Thinking | Extraversion | Medium |
1997_835717.txt | it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination.
Thinking styles: Rational | Neuroticism: low | it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination. | Thinking styles | Rational | Neuroticism | low |
2004_249.txt | It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button.
Emotions: Frustration | Agreeableness: Medium | It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. | Emotions | Frustration | Agreeableness | Medium |
1997_262585.txt | I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.
Emotions: Introversion | Extraversion: Low | I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. I’m scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway. | Emotions | Introversion | Extraversion | Low |
2000_952391.txt | I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself "wow, this will be fun". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, "man, SHE's late". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, "man. it's too early in the year to be starting this". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule "never talk to strangers?" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good.
Emotions: Happiness | Agreeableness: high | I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself "wow, this will be fun". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, "man, SHE's late". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, "man. it's too early in the year to be starting this". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule "never talk to strangers?" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good. | Emotions | Happiness | Agreeableness | high |
1997_518093.txt | So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,"Hey I don't feel very good can we please stop. " And your mind says "I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical analysis or something? No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a "nice guy" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. , It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air.
Emotions: Tiredness | Conscientiousness: Medium | So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brain’s fat fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,"Hey I don't feel very good can we please stop. " And your mind says "I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical analysis or something? No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a "nice guy" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. It’s amazing how much I’ve been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. , It’s my roommates keyboard. It’s extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air. | Emotions | Tiredness | Conscientiousness | Medium |
2000_914317.txt | Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye!
Emotions: Excitement | Extraversion: medium | Well, I suppose since this is a stream of consciousness exercise I will just say whatever is on my mind, which at the moment happens to be how incredibly horrible this past weekend was. But, let's back up and get the basics down. For graduation, my grandparents promised to buy me a new computer. New, being the operative word. So they told me to go find one that I liked and tell them where it was. My mother and I went out and looked at computers and found a nice setup that included a printer for about $1500. We thought that sounded reasonable, so we informed my grandparents of the computer's location and they said it sounded good. HOWEVER, they went to see my Uncle's family in Dallas for my cousin's birthday and decided to go a cheaper route and not buy a namebrand computer. So I ended up with this piece of crap that keeps shutting down on me. My Dad has been freaking out for the past two weeks how he knew all along we should have gotten a different computer in the first place and how my grandparents always go the cheaper route even when it means less quality and now my entire college career is jeopardized because I cannot get online. So I spent Saturday messing with my computer, trying to reinstall stuff to see if it was a software problem. It wasn't. My Uncle drove in from Dallas on Sunday and took Windows off, reinstalled it, deleted my C drive (which is a big deal), then created a new one and repartitioned it, Everything SEEMED to work for a brief period of time before my computer decided to do one more mad little dance of irony and shut itself down. Now I am stuck with a computer that doesn't even partially compute and my Dad has to come pick it up to take it to some store called "Computer Doctor" and meanwhile he's still ranting about how he was right all along and my Mother should talk my grandparents into getting me a new computer, and if they don't how my parents should because if they don't I'm going to flunk because after all everything is online nowadays, etc. So I wasted my weekend sitting up in my room with my family when I could have been in the music room practicing. And I'm a music major, not computer science, so the music building is where I should be. But my mother wouldn't let me go to the music building because she wanted me to be around while they were messing with my computer. So I didn't practice AT ALL this weekend when my professor says I should practice 4 hours a day at least, and I just got a bunch of new music and now I'm totally screwed for my lesson on Friday. I also am having trouble in my music theory class because my teacher never bothered to tell me what an augmented interval or a diminished interval is, and they expect us to learn this stuff in one night, and since we have the class everyday, it's not like we can procrastinate at all. It's very frustrating. or maybe it's just me. I don't know. All I know is that I haven't even typed for ten minutes yet and I'm still complaining. It's not like I usually procrastinate about anything anyway. I mean, I was valedictorian of my high school, I think I know something about time management. Although, being valedictorian of my school was no terrible feat. I went to all the parties and pulled all the typical high school stunts, and had the highest number of "unexcused absences" you could have without being held back. And I wrote my speech at three in the morning the day of graduation. So I guess I know a little about procrastination anyway. But I had a reason for waiting that long really! When it was certain that I was going to be valedictorian, everybody started giving me tips, like they knew what they were talking about. "Don't make it too long, I'll pay you five dollars to say my name, don't make it too boring. I don't want to sit through some damn boring speech. " Even friends' parents were giving me tips. Everybody wanted to know what I was going to say, so I just didn't even try to come up with anything until the last minute, so I wouldn't have anything to tell them. Most people like me speech I guess. I worked in a favorite quote of mine by Theodore Roosevelt about how the real cowards are the ones who never try. It's a really encouraging quote, and I always used to repeat it to myself when I went to violin auditions because I am an extremely nervous performer. I also used to repeat that thing from Dune by Frank Herbert that the main character Paul used to say "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. " etc, etc. It always sort of helped me get a grip on myself I guess which I need because I'm a very insecure person. And I'm sure that my typing is annoying my roommate right now because I have to use her computer and she's trying to sleep and her computer is right by where her head is on her bed. It's only 12:34 though, and she always goes to sleep around midnight which I think is weird. But then I'm an insomniac and I can never sleep anyway, so I'm usually up until about three. I also am a coffee addict. have been since the age of seven. I think it usually surprises people that I've been drinking coffee so long, but my Dad used to drink at least a pot a day, to that was a drink that was always available. You'd think it would have stunted my growth, but I'm 5'7". Then again, my brother is only 15 and he's 5'9", so maybe I would have been taller. Maybe not. I sort of like my height. Hmm, I've got two minutes to go, and I lost my train of thought, so I guess I'll just keep typing until something comes to me. Oh, I'm listening to the soundtrack from "Schindler's List" right now. I totally love that movie and the music makes me cry. Music always makes me emotional, but this cd is played by Itzhak Perlman whom I personally feel is the greatest violinist in the world, although Joshua Bell, who did the soundtrack for the "Red Violin" is also really good, but younger so he doesn't have as much experience. I'm sure he will be so much better when he's older though. Well, it's been twenty minutes. It was interesting. a little personal odyssey of the mind there. Bye! | Emotions | Excitement | Extraversion | medium |
1998_979711.txt | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems.
Social Awareness: Self-awareness | Openness: High | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. | Social Awareness | Self-awareness | Openness | High |
1998_613201.txt | I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1 433613201
Emotions: Excitement | Openness: high | I honestly have no earthly idea. I just woke up about 2 hours ago. Drop off my younger sister at her school, which is my old high school. My boyfriend is still a senior there. At times it is awkward going there but at the same time very comfortable. I brought my (old) teacher a lot of buckets for the upcoming carnival for the little kids. I enjoy bringing her to school 1, because I remember how horrible bus rides were. So I never rode it. Actually I rode it 2yrs in middle school, because my mom could not drop me off. And secondly I get to see my Bert. It is weird being in a relationship, not because it is uncomfortable. More like it is a different experience. I never really had a relationship until my senior year. It really isn't hard balancing my priorities. My number one priority is finishing school. Hey, I realized that my typing isn't as bad as I thought. I still have to look at the keys at times. Back to Bert. He really is an extremely wonderful person, cute, good husband material( not that I am thinking about that right now) It's just that it really is hard to find someone genuinely nice and sincere to everyone, and especially you. I think it just sucks that he is my first true relationship. Because, the old notion that the first most likely isn't the last. Only time will tell. It's about 10:02 and I didn't go to work today. Instead, I am doing this lovely assignment. Excuse my typing, I am not that good. Oh, I know what else I am thinking. My big 18 B-Day is coming up, and my dad is still holding strict control over me. Like I am twelve all over again. He doesn't realize that I am growing up and staying home this year doesn't help. Although, I love my home and mother. I only wish certain straining attitudes would alter. My first class today is math 305G. oh, boy! My teacher is actually, pretty nice. Right now it is much more of a review, and my homework assignment is due today also. There were only actually a few problems that I quite couldn't recall. I just have to practice on more problems. I am not at all surprised of my needed review. The problems were wonderful word problems which I have never seemed to master without practice. Well look here it is three minutes past my 20 minutes. and these people are becoming a little antsy (I think that is how you spell it) about time limits. Oh, if you actually do read any parts of these assignment I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS BECAUSE I JUST WAS THINKING THAT YOUR CLASS IS ACTUALLY ENJOYABLE. AND I HOPE TO MEET ONE DAY NEXT WEEK, INSTEAD OF BEING A NUMBER IN YOUR 50000000 PERSON CLASS. (JUST A LITTLE PLAY WITH NUMBERS) Adios, till we meet again for the next writing assignment. Which I'll do tomorrow, because we can't do 2 in one day. Bye WRITING ASSIGNMENT 1 433613201 | Emotions | Excitement | Openness | high |
2000_457131.txt | streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room.
Emotions: Lack of focus | Conscientiousness: Low | streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. | Emotions | Lack of focus | Conscientiousness | Low |
2004_262.txt | Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now.
Emotions: Guilt | Neuroticism: high | Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. | Emotions | Guilt | Neuroticism | high |
1998_930178.txt | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.
Emotions: Indecision | Conscientiousness: low | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. | Emotions | Indecision | Conscientiousness | low |
1998_930178.txt | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.
Social Awareness: Social Isolation | Openness: low | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. | Social Awareness | Social Isolation | Openness | low |
1997_835717.txt | it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination.
Thinking styles: Philosophical | Openness: high | it seems to me that the purpose of this assignment is not really to examine our mundane thoughts that we perceive but the logic behind the way our mind thinks. Since most my time is spent analyzing my thoughts and their processes I think that I must examine more of the logical progression. This entry to me simulates making an entry into my journal. I look at that and realize that everything in their is exactly what you want. The most interesting things that I think about and that lead into other realms our my interactions with other people. Today at dinner I saw my ex-girlfriend from high school. she wasn't just a high school crush but the relationship lasted for over a year. After our break up things went down hill to the point that we don't ever talk to each other any more. She sat down with my roommate because she was with a mutual friend of ours. it is odd the way that the alliances from my old group of friends turned out. my roommate and I can see because we have been friends for a long time and we never ran into the point where there was never any conflict between us. One of my other friends who I used to love more than any other person in the world is still a good friend but not quite ion the same level as we were once on(over my girlfriend we separated because he had just broken up weigh her a month earlier. That brings up a question that everyone tries to answer: Is friendship or a relationship more important? all three of us were best friends but I bet with my ex that we could go to a higher level and stay there. The question that developed inside was it really a different level or another aspect of the same. I almost lost a lot of my friends for her, but those friends are the only ones still around. I wonder if this philosophy or psych? Does it really matter. The problem I think with a lot sciences now days is that the focus is so small that their lack of background in other subjects prevents us as moving as far as we might. How can a man consider himself able to study minds without the back ground of the philosopher. He must have explored his own thought and beliefs enough if is to ever have the hope of trying to understand others. Schools inside psych seen contradictory. How can one just study the physiological aspect without considering the developmental. Psych in its self probably should not be a major but the aspiration of the one who would devote himself to biology, philosophy, and sociology. The thing that irks about most of psych is that they seem to indoctrinate their own school of thought onto the tablet of their students mind. I believe in an approach that provides the conflicting theories in order to allow the student to make up his own mind. The problems with a lot of classes and student is that they do not teach the children the ability to come up with conclusions for themselves. How is the man who can purely memorize the data of other smart. he is a machine that must have data read in to perform a certain task. Those that can create an idea or image to provide those others is the one who deserves praise. He is the man who provides others with everything they receive in life. Even in the arts we have gotten to the point where it is simply regurgitating knowledge instead of creating it. Those students who take band tell me they have a hard improvising because they were just taught to read the music. The door to true knowledge is creativity and self-examination. | Thinking styles | Philosophical | Openness | high |
2003_291.txt | I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her? I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this? Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing? I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing? Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me? Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah 20 more sec I feel like an idiot just rambling here.
Emotions: Frustration | Conscientiousness: Medium | I don't know if I'm still mad at my friend. I hope she never does it again but somehow I think it'll take longer for her to change. Should I leave her alone or still hang out with her? I'm getting tired of taking care of everyone. I don't know whether I want to go clubbing or go home this weekend. I sort of want to go home and get more food because I'm getting tired of the american food here. I don't hate olivia and I think its stupid that all these people hate her for no other reason than other people hating her. I think its very immature and you should get to know a person before judging her. I'm worried about my friend who is always taking drugs and she thinks its really cool. I had a writing assignment like this in high school. My psychology teacher in high school was so boring because she had a monotonous voice and she . I don't know but is very strange. I miss my high school life but I still prefer my college life. In high school everything seems controlled because my parents placed restrictions on my life but now here, its different because there is no one to control me. I sort of like this new freedom because my parents were really strict at home. I never got to stay out late but now, I could do whatever I want. I'm just afraid that I might mess up my schoolwork here at college. I don't want to mess up because I want a bright future but then I also want to experience and have fun my college years. So I have to learn how to set priorities to my life. I miss my high school life and I know that I could never go back to it. But I feel like I have truly lived my senior year of high school. High school was fun because I made friends I know I would keep for a lifetime. They are the ones I would call up if I'm upset or the ones I don't mind crying to. But in college, I feel like, no one really gives a damn about you unless you had some history with them. My classmates here, we're all in competition and the only ones I could turn to for now are the friends I had in high school. I just feel more comfortable being around them because I know that they've seen me through a lot of situations. I wish I could make more friends here at UT because its such a big campus and I want to be well connected. So I have started going to CBS and that's helping a lot I think not only because I meet people there but also it calms me down. Because thurs night I went clubbing and after that I still felt wild but now I'm ready to settle down and work hard in college. I don't want any regrets. I wish I could also find a boyfriend here at UT so I have someone I could rely or depend on. Because I'm tired of being depended on all the time. The ideal kind of guy would probably be a guy younger than me I would totally go for him. I wish it was summer, I like this UT campus because it just feels like home. It fits, because at home I'm always counting the days until I left home but now that I'm at uT I'm enjoying my days here. I don't usually like writing stuff like this because sometimes I feel like its a waste of time. I rather talk it out to someone so they can endure the pain of listening as well. Does someone actually read this? Because this would be a lot of reading to do. not only to read my writing but also to read everyone's elses writing. What is the purpose of this writing? I'm almost done, five more minutes of just rambling. This is like xanga. Everyone on there just rambles on forever about their day and their thoughts. Do they feel any different after they finish writing? Well. xanga's are interesting to read when I'm bored but I don't think I would ever have one just because I don't want to waste my time on that and that I don't want to post up my personal life. I'm running out of stuff to say, I have never consider myself to be a very talkative person. Even to other people. I wish my roommate would get her internet port fixed because I'm tired of her always having to use my computer when she does something. Even if it was for schoolwork, I'm really anal about people touching my computer. Should I go and help her yell at the people who fixes computers because I want her to get it fixed now but she just seems to drag it. Is that selfish of me? Well. I'm again running out of stuff to say and I have approx one more minute. My goals for college is to succeed I don't want to fail because its so much harder to climb back up again once you fall. Yay. almost time. 30 more sec. blah blah 20 more sec I feel like an idiot just rambling here. | Emotions | Frustration | Conscientiousness | Medium |
2000_518815.txt | 3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye
Emotions: Dislike | Agreeableness: Low | 3:34 twenty minutes to write what I am thinking Well, I am writing this at a time when I should be in class, but at least I am doing my homework. Between reading the book and doing the writing assignments, I think I have this class covered. I must admit I hate missing class because there are so many hotties in the class. When ever I get bored listening to the discussion that is merely a repetition of info in the book, I can stare around at the hundreds of fine chicks in the class. Don't get me wrong the class is interesting, but that's my thought. The guy that is sitting next to me smells bad. I know him, and has just said hello, The only reason I know him is because he is in many of my music classes, and his girlfriend is Hot. Holy shit, she just came in here to talk to him. This is really fucked up. I am trying to evesdrop as I write this. He is telling her what to do. oh wait they are noticing me, she left. Why does she date hIM? He's so nasty. I'm hungry, I ate not to long ago, maybe I want a cigarette. Busy busy busy, have a trombone lesson at five, still have to get my instrument from the instrument NAZI. He was on the sick out we all hate him. Some dude I don't know came up to the guy next to me and pretended to be him girlfriend by rubbing his shoulders, It was funny, I am really starting to get tired of this, but hey anything for a good grade. I am thinking to much abbot what to write. what to think. I am hungry, I wonder what happened in class today I'll just read the next chapter of the book, I like the book it is interesting. Lots of people in the lab today, feel kind of weird writing, can't wait tell Friday, actually every day is good when I am not in class and don't have anything to do. The dude next to me started talking to me, I hate him, I don't even know what he said. Hey 3:54 see you bye | Emotions | Dislike | Agreeableness | Low |
2000_710213.txt | What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have "lungs of steel" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of "hooked up. " Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew!
Emotions: Anxiety | Neuroticism: Medium | What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have "lungs of steel" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of "hooked up. " Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew! | Emotions | Anxiety | Neuroticism | Medium |
1999_876535.txt | ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop.
Emotions: Depression | Neuroticism: High | ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. | Emotions | Depression | Neuroticism | High |
2000_813544.txt | Okay, I guess this is what all my English teachers described as "stream of consciousness. " I believe I did an assignment similar to this in 11th grade. I'm not sure. I wonder how long this writing assignment will be. How much can I possibly type for 20 minutes straight without stopping? What if I get a phone call? Do I answer it? Anyways, I cannot believe I am in my second week of college. It is kind of what I expected. The freedom can me nice at times, but I do miss my home. I do not miss high school at all though. I didn't like high school one bit. I am more homesick than I ever thought I would be, or could be for that matter. I never thought of myself as someone who would get homesick. But here I am, always wanting to call home. Michelle's birthday is tomorrow. I wish I could fly down to spend the day with her. I hope mom remembers to give her the CD I made her. The CD reminds me of Justin, whom I also miss a lot. I miss all my friends, all my best friends. One of which is at UTD, one going to Northwestern in a few days, and one attending Texas Women's. I really wish I could transfer, or they would transfer to UT. I miss them all so much. Wow, it has only been 5 minutes. I don't know if I have 20 minutes of gibberish to write about. This stream of consciousness thing is harder than it seems. I know I tend to ramble on a lot but it is quite different when you are doing it for a class assignment. It is also hard for me because I am so used to typing with abbreviations every time I chat online, making this assignment a lot more difficult. After completing this, I am going to wait for a phone call from my best friend. Then, meet up with someone at the library, where I hope to get a lot of studying done. I feel like I am so behind in all my classes. I have a lot of reading to do. Senioritis has not gone away, and I have yet to get back into the "homework mode. " That's not good. I really would like to leave here with a high GPA. I know that is what my parents would really like. Yet, it seems harder and harder as days go by. There are so many things to do here that it seems harder to organize my week. I am usually a very organized person but haven't been as of late. Man, I wonder if Iris is going to call me anytime soon. I feel like I haven't talked to her in forever. I would really like to fly down and stay with her for a weekend. I'm thinking about the weekend of her birthday. Though, I'm not sure if that is a good idea. I need to get the money together first. Oh yeah, I also need to get some money for Lisa's birthday gift. It's her birthday tomorrow. Wow, I wish my friends would chip in money and buy me a camera. That's really neat that Ivy is doing that. I'm so glad I finally got my camera fixed. Stupid battery. How does a battery die out so quickly? I haven't even had my camera for that long. I put up my collages today before lunch. They look really nice on my wall. I think I put them up crooked though. Oh well, I will get used to it, I hope. I would really like to fill up my whole wall with it. That would be so neat! Okay, 6 more minutes. Man, I haven't typed this much in a long time. My eyes are starting to hurt now, and I still have a headache. Today is Monday. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day, from beginning to end. I will probably be dead tired by the end of the day and won't have enough energy to study. That will not be good. I want to watch TV. I wonder what is on right now. Lisa said she was going to watch friends and then Roswell. All right, now I am running out of things to type. I don't think my brain works very fast. These last few minutes are going by very slowly. I hope I don't get hungry tonight at the library. I cannot believe I ate so much today at lunch. It is all Leeting's fault. All that starch cannot be good for me. I really hope I do not gain a lot of weight while in college. I'm really scared that I will. I haven't been going to the gym as often as I would like. I think I might start going every Friday or so. Maybe on the weekends too, seeing as how I haven't been in Austin for the weekend since school started. Maybe that is why I still have not put together a regular schedule. I haven't really been here for a full week. Well, this will be my first full week in college. Not as exciting as I thought it would be. I think I might call home after I finish this assignment. I'm almost done, thank goodness. I really am running out of things to type. I think I am all drained out. I hope I do not fall asleep studying tonight. I really need to get stuff done.
Emotions: Anticipation | Extraversion: Low | Okay, I guess this is what all my English teachers described as "stream of consciousness. " I believe I did an assignment similar to this in 11th grade. I'm not sure. I wonder how long this writing assignment will be. How much can I possibly type for 20 minutes straight without stopping? What if I get a phone call? Do I answer it? Anyways, I cannot believe I am in my second week of college. It is kind of what I expected. The freedom can me nice at times, but I do miss my home. I do not miss high school at all though. I didn't like high school one bit. I am more homesick than I ever thought I would be, or could be for that matter. I never thought of myself as someone who would get homesick. But here I am, always wanting to call home. Michelle's birthday is tomorrow. I wish I could fly down to spend the day with her. I hope mom remembers to give her the CD I made her. The CD reminds me of Justin, whom I also miss a lot. I miss all my friends, all my best friends. One of which is at UTD, one going to Northwestern in a few days, and one attending Texas Women's. I really wish I could transfer, or they would transfer to UT. I miss them all so much. Wow, it has only been 5 minutes. I don't know if I have 20 minutes of gibberish to write about. This stream of consciousness thing is harder than it seems. I know I tend to ramble on a lot but it is quite different when you are doing it for a class assignment. It is also hard for me because I am so used to typing with abbreviations every time I chat online, making this assignment a lot more difficult. After completing this, I am going to wait for a phone call from my best friend. Then, meet up with someone at the library, where I hope to get a lot of studying done. I feel like I am so behind in all my classes. I have a lot of reading to do. Senioritis has not gone away, and I have yet to get back into the "homework mode. " That's not good. I really would like to leave here with a high GPA. I know that is what my parents would really like. Yet, it seems harder and harder as days go by. There are so many things to do here that it seems harder to organize my week. I am usually a very organized person but haven't been as of late. Man, I wonder if Iris is going to call me anytime soon. I feel like I haven't talked to her in forever. I would really like to fly down and stay with her for a weekend. I'm thinking about the weekend of her birthday. Though, I'm not sure if that is a good idea. I need to get the money together first. Oh yeah, I also need to get some money for Lisa's birthday gift. It's her birthday tomorrow. Wow, I wish my friends would chip in money and buy me a camera. That's really neat that Ivy is doing that. I'm so glad I finally got my camera fixed. Stupid battery. How does a battery die out so quickly? I haven't even had my camera for that long. I put up my collages today before lunch. They look really nice on my wall. I think I put them up crooked though. Oh well, I will get used to it, I hope. I would really like to fill up my whole wall with it. That would be so neat! Okay, 6 more minutes. Man, I haven't typed this much in a long time. My eyes are starting to hurt now, and I still have a headache. Today is Monday. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day, from beginning to end. I will probably be dead tired by the end of the day and won't have enough energy to study. That will not be good. I want to watch TV. I wonder what is on right now. Lisa said she was going to watch friends and then Roswell. All right, now I am running out of things to type. I don't think my brain works very fast. These last few minutes are going by very slowly. I hope I don't get hungry tonight at the library. I cannot believe I ate so much today at lunch. It is all Leeting's fault. All that starch cannot be good for me. I really hope I do not gain a lot of weight while in college. I'm really scared that I will. I haven't been going to the gym as often as I would like. I think I might start going every Friday or so. Maybe on the weekends too, seeing as how I haven't been in Austin for the weekend since school started. Maybe that is why I still have not put together a regular schedule. I haven't really been here for a full week. Well, this will be my first full week in college. Not as exciting as I thought it would be. I think I might call home after I finish this assignment. I'm almost done, thank goodness. I really am running out of things to type. I think I am all drained out. I hope I do not fall asleep studying tonight. I really need to get stuff done. | Emotions | Anticipation | Extraversion | Low |
1999_163164.txt | Well, the writing assignment, its 11:50 right now, and I have to write a writing assignment for my psychology class which I absolutely do not see a point in writing this paper. I'm extremely tired from working out and playing basketball, and my stomache is very empty as of now. A few chocholate chip cookies with milk would be nice. Hey, this PCL is full of asians, and right in front of me is My friend Michael's sister, Sorry, I had to pause for a few second to stop and to talk with them. They're pretty cool, she thinks that I talk too loud. well screw her. I wonder if we could use inappropriate languages in this assignment, because my stream of consciousness is one thats pretty dirty and filled with foul language. I better not cuss. Its 12:00, and its very interesting that my brains could only output 10 lines of useless junk in 10 minutes. I feel like that I'm not using my brain to its full potential. Or Maybe I'm just a very slow typer. Damn, my wrist hurts, I'm so glad that I only have 2 classes tomorrow. Intro to western music is such a crappy class. I thought it was suppose to be a blow off but its not, and its pissing the living (explisive) out of me. I'm tone deaf, I'm dumb as hell when it comes down to music, and I'm plain retarded when I have to distinguish the difference between a duplet, triplet, or quatriplet. In my opinion, not that it really matters in the bigger scheme of things, but its still best to be aired out, is that music should be enjoyed by an individual, not to be dissected into grammarical structures. The class kinda reminds me of "Dead Poet Society" how the text books actually graphs the meter and accents of the poem. Music, like poetry, suppose to be heard by the heart not interpreted by the brain. When I hear Beathoveen's 5 th symphony, I can't tell the meter and texure of the piece, but all I know is that My heart are soaked with energy that makes the musical experience quite elemertary yet much more enjoyble. I guess I should quit my bitching to that class, since its I, myself who signed up the class without any foreign intervention nor pressure, so who should I blame but myself. I just saw Andrew's friend walking in the liabrary. Why didn't I say hello, just because the way he looks, is he not cool enough. When we went to that frat house last weekend, I feel like that he's such a burdensome tag-along. Yet would some of my other friend feel the same about me?? Its very disturbing, how I'm disgusted by all those people who think they are too cool for certain peeps, yet I fall under the same disgusting catorgory which I loath. It's so confusing, when I heard from Say that He's not coming to the thursdsay mixer, I was some what relieved. relieved of what?? of people not thinking that I'm a cool frat boy, beacause of Richard, but who really cares what those Lambda thinks? or those skanky Katie Phi girls think??? Why do I care so much about what other people think, instead of thinking for myself and doing something that I know is right. It bugs me how I proclaim my self to be a "genuine" nice guy, when I can't even perform the easiest task of bring somebody along with me and having a good time with him. Damn, I'm so freaking superficial and it annoys the heck out of me. "To really discover yourself, before discovering that really special someone" Right now, I don't think I deserve her. I just hope that she doesn't come right now, and wait for me to mature and evovle into a better person. The loud, oversized vacumm cleaner is distracting my flow of thoughts, and my brain kinda froze for a sec. I think those few clear moments where you're brain is not thinking anything at all, is one of the healthiest state a human can be. Well, as another vacuum cleaner joins the Library noice parade, I shall conclude this essay. I have to admit though, despite my early feelings, this assignment has some enjoybal value to it, and I'm actually kinda glad that I'm given this blank sheet that I can send my thoughts, into the void of carelessness, and its rather refreshing. I bid you farewell. (though I don't know who I'm bidding to) Its 12:15.
Emotions: Defensiveness | Agreeableness: low | Well, the writing assignment, its 11:50 right now, and I have to write a writing assignment for my psychology class which I absolutely do not see a point in writing this paper. I'm extremely tired from working out and playing basketball, and my stomache is very empty as of now. A few chocholate chip cookies with milk would be nice. Hey, this PCL is full of asians, and right in front of me is My friend Michael's sister, Sorry, I had to pause for a few second to stop and to talk with them. They're pretty cool, she thinks that I talk too loud. well screw her. I wonder if we could use inappropriate languages in this assignment, because my stream of consciousness is one thats pretty dirty and filled with foul language. I better not cuss. Its 12:00, and its very interesting that my brains could only output 10 lines of useless junk in 10 minutes. I feel like that I'm not using my brain to its full potential. Or Maybe I'm just a very slow typer. Damn, my wrist hurts, I'm so glad that I only have 2 classes tomorrow. Intro to western music is such a crappy class. I thought it was suppose to be a blow off but its not, and its pissing the living (explisive) out of me. I'm tone deaf, I'm dumb as hell when it comes down to music, and I'm plain retarded when I have to distinguish the difference between a duplet, triplet, or quatriplet. In my opinion, not that it really matters in the bigger scheme of things, but its still best to be aired out, is that music should be enjoyed by an individual, not to be dissected into grammarical structures. The class kinda reminds me of "Dead Poet Society" how the text books actually graphs the meter and accents of the poem. Music, like poetry, suppose to be heard by the heart not interpreted by the brain. When I hear Beathoveen's 5 th symphony, I can't tell the meter and texure of the piece, but all I know is that My heart are soaked with energy that makes the musical experience quite elemertary yet much more enjoyble. I guess I should quit my bitching to that class, since its I, myself who signed up the class without any foreign intervention nor pressure, so who should I blame but myself. I just saw Andrew's friend walking in the liabrary. Why didn't I say hello, just because the way he looks, is he not cool enough. When we went to that frat house last weekend, I feel like that he's such a burdensome tag-along. Yet would some of my other friend feel the same about me?? Its very disturbing, how I'm disgusted by all those people who think they are too cool for certain peeps, yet I fall under the same disgusting catorgory which I loath. It's so confusing, when I heard from Say that He's not coming to the thursdsay mixer, I was some what relieved. relieved of what?? of people not thinking that I'm a cool frat boy, beacause of Richard, but who really cares what those Lambda thinks? or those skanky Katie Phi girls think??? Why do I care so much about what other people think, instead of thinking for myself and doing something that I know is right. It bugs me how I proclaim my self to be a "genuine" nice guy, when I can't even perform the easiest task of bring somebody along with me and having a good time with him. Damn, I'm so freaking superficial and it annoys the heck out of me. "To really discover yourself, before discovering that really special someone" Right now, I don't think I deserve her. I just hope that she doesn't come right now, and wait for me to mature and evovle into a better person. The loud, oversized vacumm cleaner is distracting my flow of thoughts, and my brain kinda froze for a sec. I think those few clear moments where you're brain is not thinking anything at all, is one of the healthiest state a human can be. Well, as another vacuum cleaner joins the Library noice parade, I shall conclude this essay. I have to admit though, despite my early feelings, this assignment has some enjoybal value to it, and I'm actually kinda glad that I'm given this blank sheet that I can send my thoughts, into the void of carelessness, and its rather refreshing. I bid you farewell. (though I don't know who I'm bidding to) Its 12:15. | Emotions | Defensiveness | Agreeableness | low |
1999_950573.txt | I figured that I would put this assignment off a little more---or at least until my thoughts were more collected, but I now realize that they're am as collected now as they're ever be. I think about all that I have to do, assignments in school mostly, but I am also busy thinking about a certain person all the time. I suppose I'm going through sensory overload right now. my brain is working at a million miles an hour to keep up with the information that is being put in as fast as possible. Then there's that person I mentioned. I am confused about a certain guy that I really like. Sounds so tyipical, right? I will have to put those thoughts aside until school is over for the day. I am pretty unhappy with a lot of people that I have met at U. t. They are so interested in having a good time, all the time. Drinking and sex outside of marriage, namely. I ate lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time, and all he talked about was partying, and the like. I don't drink, because of the law (I'm 18), and I don't believe that anyone should get drunk because that's what the Bible says. Life seems so messed up. I'm not depressed about it, but I am bothered by what I see in the world. I feel a sense of hopelessnes about me, and I know where it is coming from. It started with the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. God has given man over to his wicked desires, and this means that unless God sends revival, things will continue to get worse. Also, I have been reading about the Clinton administration in a book entitled Unlimited Acess, and I think, "If this is what our president is getting away with who CAN we trust?!" Of course, I don't put my faith in things which are seen, but things which are not seen. God is in complete control, and no matter how bad things seem, he will take care of His people. Some day, all of this--including the computer that I'm typing on---will burn up. God will come back to gather His elect and the those who are not will burn in the lake of fire forever. this is such a scary thought, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. God's gift of salvation was totally voluntary on his part. He doesn't have to save anyone. We all deserve damnation because of our sin. We sinned in Adam. But in God's incredible mercy and love he sent Christ as a propitiaton for our sins that we might not perish but have everlasting life. Oh, that I might be found among those names written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I'm a terrible sinner just like everyone else. I struggle with the same problems that everyone does. But I keep coming back to the cross and pleading the blood of Jesus. I have no inate merit. My righteousness are as filthy rags. It is insane to think that one can somehow work their way into heaven. The Bible says "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy He has saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Ghost. " Jesus is our only way to the Father. Not our pitiful attempts to earn our salvation. Jesus said, "I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me. " You have to come to God (it is clearly taught in the Bible), but you can't unless God makes you come(also a clear teaching. "No man comes to Me except the Father drag him. ") That leaves you in a particularly strange situation. You have to come, but you can't. I pray about that one a lot. Well, those really are the things I think about. I'm a Christian, and I live in constant awareness of my Creator.
Emotions: Discontent | Agreeableness: low | I figured that I would put this assignment off a little more---or at least until my thoughts were more collected, but I now realize that they're am as collected now as they're ever be. I think about all that I have to do, assignments in school mostly, but I am also busy thinking about a certain person all the time. I suppose I'm going through sensory overload right now. my brain is working at a million miles an hour to keep up with the information that is being put in as fast as possible. Then there's that person I mentioned. I am confused about a certain guy that I really like. Sounds so tyipical, right? I will have to put those thoughts aside until school is over for the day. I am pretty unhappy with a lot of people that I have met at U. t. They are so interested in having a good time, all the time. Drinking and sex outside of marriage, namely. I ate lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time, and all he talked about was partying, and the like. I don't drink, because of the law (I'm 18), and I don't believe that anyone should get drunk because that's what the Bible says. Life seems so messed up. I'm not depressed about it, but I am bothered by what I see in the world. I feel a sense of hopelessnes about me, and I know where it is coming from. It started with the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. God has given man over to his wicked desires, and this means that unless God sends revival, things will continue to get worse. Also, I have been reading about the Clinton administration in a book entitled Unlimited Acess, and I think, "If this is what our president is getting away with who CAN we trust?!" Of course, I don't put my faith in things which are seen, but things which are not seen. God is in complete control, and no matter how bad things seem, he will take care of His people. Some day, all of this--including the computer that I'm typing on---will burn up. God will come back to gather His elect and the those who are not will burn in the lake of fire forever. this is such a scary thought, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. God's gift of salvation was totally voluntary on his part. He doesn't have to save anyone. We all deserve damnation because of our sin. We sinned in Adam. But in God's incredible mercy and love he sent Christ as a propitiaton for our sins that we might not perish but have everlasting life. Oh, that I might be found among those names written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I'm a terrible sinner just like everyone else. I struggle with the same problems that everyone does. But I keep coming back to the cross and pleading the blood of Jesus. I have no inate merit. My righteousness are as filthy rags. It is insane to think that one can somehow work their way into heaven. The Bible says "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy He has saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Ghost. " Jesus is our only way to the Father. Not our pitiful attempts to earn our salvation. Jesus said, "I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through Me. " You have to come to God (it is clearly taught in the Bible), but you can't unless God makes you come(also a clear teaching. "No man comes to Me except the Father drag him. ") That leaves you in a particularly strange situation. You have to come, but you can't. I pray about that one a lot. Well, those really are the things I think about. I'm a Christian, and I live in constant awareness of my Creator. | Emotions | Discontent | Agreeableness | low |
2004_257.txt | well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students! so why am I here? Am I anywhere better than them? Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people? what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell? hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing? I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here? Or is it something else? Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that? What am I searching for? Trying to reach a perfect life? I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first "friend" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they? People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom? What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation? Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles? I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture! That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!! And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid.
Social Awareness: Social Disconnection | Extraversion: Low | well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students! so why am I here? Am I anywhere better than them? Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people? what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell? hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing? I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here? Or is it something else? Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that? What am I searching for? Trying to reach a perfect life? I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first "friend" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they? People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom? What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation? Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles? I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture! That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!! And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid. | Social Awareness | Social Disconnection | Extraversion | Low |
2003_397.txt | I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry! I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people.
Emotions: Positive Emotions | Neuroticism: Low | I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry! I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people. | Emotions | Positive Emotions | Neuroticism | Low |
1997_964636.txt | I am at my friends house right now because I don't have a computer to use at my home. I just decided to get this assignment over with. This room is really hot. There are four people in this house right now. Jack, Richard, Julie, Sarah, and me. My girlfriend, Sarah is asking everyone of us to quiz her on her vocabulary that she has to memorize by Friday. It is very noisy in here and Jack is telling me to shut up. I really want to get drunk and have fun but I can't because I have school tomorrow. I need to stay focused on my school work and keep myself in control. I'm only a Freshmen and I'm really worried about UT because of the horror stories all my upperclassmen friends told me about. My father told me to concentrate on my studies because it is my responsibility to do excellent in school. He said that it is my life that I'm preparing for, not his. I'm also using my money because I'm using the loan that I received. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and half months and I think we're doing good. Everything is working just right. I cant wait till this weekend so I don’t have to worry about school for about two days. Actually, I have to do some reading and a short homework. I wonder if anyone sent me a E-mail. I better check it when my twenty minutes is up. I cant believe how much money I spent ever since I came to Austin. I spent so much on food, clothes, gas, and more food. Oh yeah, and mostly important, the books! (Yeah right!) Oh man! I did so bad in Philosophy today. I read my homework but still got a zero because the quiz was a little tricky. This is kind of fun expressing my thoughts on the computer. Oh! Twenty minutes are up! Bye Bye!
Emotions: Sociability | Extraversion: High | I am at my friends house right now because I don't have a computer to use at my home. I just decided to get this assignment over with. This room is really hot. There are four people in this house right now. Jack, Richard, Julie, Sarah, and me. My girlfriend, Sarah is asking everyone of us to quiz her on her vocabulary that she has to memorize by Friday. It is very noisy in here and Jack is telling me to shut up. I really want to get drunk and have fun but I can't because I have school tomorrow. I need to stay focused on my school work and keep myself in control. I'm only a Freshmen and I'm really worried about UT because of the horror stories all my upperclassmen friends told me about. My father told me to concentrate on my studies because it is my responsibility to do excellent in school. He said that it is my life that I'm preparing for, not his. I'm also using my money because I'm using the loan that I received. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and half months and I think we're doing good. Everything is working just right. I cant wait till this weekend so I don’t have to worry about school for about two days. Actually, I have to do some reading and a short homework. I wonder if anyone sent me a E-mail. I better check it when my twenty minutes is up. I cant believe how much money I spent ever since I came to Austin. I spent so much on food, clothes, gas, and more food. Oh yeah, and mostly important, the books! (Yeah right!) Oh man! I did so bad in Philosophy today. I read my homework but still got a zero because the quiz was a little tricky. This is kind of fun expressing my thoughts on the computer. Oh! Twenty minutes are up! Bye Bye! | Emotions | Sociability | Extraversion | High |
1998_538805.txt | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly.
Social Awareness: Empathy | Openness: High | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. | Social Awareness | Empathy | Openness | High |
1999_578826.txt | I'm supposed to be writing from my stream of consciousness. I guess I'll find out how random my thinking is, as if I didn't already know. I really like this CD too bad this is his only one. I wonder what CD I should listen to next. I should try to call Janet again. I really want her to come visit me up her. I know how much she likes Austin. I'm really glad that I didn't buy those tickets for the Chemical Brothers since now I have a math test that night. I wonder when the concert starts. I really do want to go. And the concert is the day after my birthday, it would be a present to myself. Plus, I've been waiting 2 years for them to play in Texas. I really like this song. This room is rather boring. We definitely need to get some more stuff on the walls. I have to make a list of stuff to pick up when I go home, otherwise I will forget everything and I don't know when I'll be going home again. I think I'll listen to Semisonic next. I haven't listened to that CD in awhile. I'm glad I decided to bring the CD with me. Today is Deidre's birthday, and Allison's. I should send Allison a card. I wonder if Kisha got the one I sent her. I need to get a prepaid calling card so I can talk to her. She needs to come visit me too. I should probably email her again. This bed is so hard, it's making my back hurt. But I have to admit, it's not quite as hard as the one I had during orientation. You would think the mattress would give some after having so many people sleeping on it. I miss my bed at home. It's so comfy. Wow there are a lot of people walking by all of a sudden. I think that this is one of the coolest assignments I've gotten in a long time, it's much better than all the busy work I had to do last year. My mom will be happy to know that I like my psychology class. I won't be talking about music all the time, I'll actually have something related to my major to tell her. Well I think that's been my 20 minutes of truly intelligent thinking.
Emotions: Responsibility | Conscientiousness: High | I'm supposed to be writing from my stream of consciousness. I guess I'll find out how random my thinking is, as if I didn't already know. I really like this CD too bad this is his only one. I wonder what CD I should listen to next. I should try to call Janet again. I really want her to come visit me up her. I know how much she likes Austin. I'm really glad that I didn't buy those tickets for the Chemical Brothers since now I have a math test that night. I wonder when the concert starts. I really do want to go. And the concert is the day after my birthday, it would be a present to myself. Plus, I've been waiting 2 years for them to play in Texas. I really like this song. This room is rather boring. We definitely need to get some more stuff on the walls. I have to make a list of stuff to pick up when I go home, otherwise I will forget everything and I don't know when I'll be going home again. I think I'll listen to Semisonic next. I haven't listened to that CD in awhile. I'm glad I decided to bring the CD with me. Today is Deidre's birthday, and Allison's. I should send Allison a card. I wonder if Kisha got the one I sent her. I need to get a prepaid calling card so I can talk to her. She needs to come visit me too. I should probably email her again. This bed is so hard, it's making my back hurt. But I have to admit, it's not quite as hard as the one I had during orientation. You would think the mattress would give some after having so many people sleeping on it. I miss my bed at home. It's so comfy. Wow there are a lot of people walking by all of a sudden. I think that this is one of the coolest assignments I've gotten in a long time, it's much better than all the busy work I had to do last year. My mom will be happy to know that I like my psychology class. I won't be talking about music all the time, I'll actually have something related to my major to tell her. Well I think that's been my 20 minutes of truly intelligent thinking. | Emotions | Responsibility | Conscientiousness | High |
2004_249.txt | It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button.
Social Awareness: Self-awareness | Openness: High | It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself! well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button. | Social Awareness | Self-awareness | Openness | High |
2003_397.txt | I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry! I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people.
Emotions: Positive Emotions | Extraversion: High | I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry! I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people. | Emotions | Positive Emotions | Extraversion | High |
2000_917531.txt | What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. "is this really feasible or not. " It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell.
Emotions: Ambivalence | Extraversion: Medium | What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. "is this really feasible or not. " It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell. | Emotions | Ambivalence | Extraversion | Medium |
2000_966826.txt | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.
Thinking styles: Reflective thinking | Agreeableness: high | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. | Thinking styles | Reflective thinking | Agreeableness | high |
2000_871605.txt | I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy.
Emotions: Anxiety | Neuroticism: high | I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. | Emotions | Anxiety | Neuroticism | high |
2000_657578.txt | I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up.
Emotions: Curiosity | Openness: High | I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up. | Emotions | Curiosity | Openness | High |
2002_690395.txt | Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played Amazing Grace after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later.
Thinking styles: Worry | Neuroticism: High | Right now I am thinking about September 11th because i just got out of music class, and we discussed the emotional impact that music has on people. I never really thought about how emotional some songs make me feel. When my music teacher played Amazing Grace after reading an e-mail from a New York firefighter, I felt myself get teary eyed. It has been about 20 minutes since I've been in his class, and I still have that heart ache feeling thinking about the diffrent songs he played for the class. I also feel homesick. I keep thinking how i want to spend the anniversary of September 11th at home with my mom and dad. I am already homesick, and Wednesday is just going to intinsify my home sickness. I feel worried about my school work. I have so much homework that i need to get done that I'm starting to feel stressed out. I wish i would have study more these past two weeks instead of leaving the huge load I have now to the last minute. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up! I am really worried about Biology. It's an advanced class, and I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I still have an 11 paged packet that I must have done tomorrow. It's too hard though. I really wanted to go workout, but I don't feel like I have time. I want to go tanning but I have class at 3:30 and I needed to study inbetween my classes. I am really hungry. I want some buffalo wings. I think after I'm done typing this I'm going to order some Pluckers. I am also really thirsty, but I'm too lazy to go downstairs and get a coke. I'll just wait until I go get food. My room mate won't stop making noise which keeps breaking my train of thought. I really miss my nephew. I havn't got to see him in months. I hope when i go home this weekend I will be able to see him, but I doubt it beacuse his mom is such a psycho. She never lets us see him unless she wants something. I am going to call her and tell her I want to see him this weekend. I think I'll buy him a UT shirt before I leave on Friday. I put your picture away, sat down and cried for days. I can't look at you laying next to her. I wonder how Jess is doing. I havn't talked to her since i came to Austin. I hope she's doing better than when I left. This song sure does remind me of her. I hope her and Michael are talking again. It smells like clorox in my room. I need to spray some Lysol on here. Plus I need to clean my room. It's starting to get really messy. I wonder if that's bothering Crystal? She would tell if it was. Well, I'll clean my half just to be nice, and so I can be more organized. I need to do my laundry. I guess i could do it later. | Thinking styles | Worry | Neuroticism | High |
1997_884710.txt | Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world? So then people ask me if I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her? Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!!
Emotions: Responsibility | Conscientiousness: Medium | Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world? So then people ask me if I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her? Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!! | Emotions | Responsibility | Conscientiousness | Medium |
2003_46.txt | well, here I am. writing this essay. ok sorry that was a bit corny. you know. well I just got done taking my first college test in chemistry. it wasn't too bad I guess. but the fact that I stayed you till 2:30 in the morning didn't help much. last night I went to a place called posse. it's a bar that a lot of the people in the band go to. I had a blast! of course I drove and so I had to drive back which wouldn't have been so bad except that it was raining last night. I have a C parking permit. yeah. it's the one that makes you park across the interstate. can you see me running across the interstate soaking wet? it wasn't too much fun. but I got here and got my materials, and started studying in my soaking wet clothes (I had to stay clothed cause I was in my hallway. my roommate was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. ) I studied a bit, and then got kinda bored with it so I went and got my guitar and played it out in my hallway. I'm pretty sure I broke some rule about quiet hours, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. I was quiet and the songs were soft and pretty. I like to play guitar before I go to bed. it helps me wind down. actually I like to play the guitar anyways. it's such a chick magnet. I have gotten a lot of play just cause I can play the guitar. it's nice. and it's therapeutic. playing guitar that is. I would expect getting booty is pretty therapeutic in some way, but that's not what I'm talking about. it helps me with my problems. I'm not too sure how. well, I guess it just helps me express my emotions and get them out of my system. I like it anyways. I love music. not only listening to it, but performing it as well. I'm in the longhorn band! now that kicks total ass! I mean it's huge, it's a lot of fun, and we get into all the games for free! and actually, this is the best part, WE GET PAID TO GO TO THE OU GAME! YES, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY GIVE US MONEY TO GO TO THE OU GAME! I love thinking about that. all those poor kids with their bracelets. oh well. such is life. I love football too! and what better place to go than here! our football team kicks ass!@! ok. so I don't know where to go from here. hmm. I guess I could talk about how weird it is that when we're asked to think about anything the first thing we do is well, not really think. ya know? is that due to nervousness? is it just some bad habit that teenagers and adults of late have acquired? who knows. I was talking to a friend in your class and she said that she was going to have a hard time wetting this. I think this is pretty easy. I'm fairly scatterbrained so it's cool. I've been noticing this more and more lately. I know I don't have add or anything, but I find myself being absent minded every once in a while. I wonder if add is a real thing. I mean I never really disputed it, but I have friends that think that add is a problem of will power. but who knows. alright. 4 minutes left. what shall I write about for 4 minutes. I'm sure there are some other ramblings I could think of. I play the sax. yeah. I like it. my biology class sucks, both of them really. my 212 is better than my 211 but who cares. I guess I should learn to like them though cause biology is my major. I want to go premed. and become a surgeon. we'll see how that goes I guess. if I don't make it in that, I'll probably switch to music. it would be nice and a music degree from UT has literally a 100% job acceptance rate. that is no lie. and that's a really good deal. we have a great music program here. we also have an awesome social life here. there's always something to do and someone to talk to . ooooooooooohhhh! less than a minute! almost through! what should I write!?!?! I don't know! oh I know! I'll write about
Emotions: Joy | Openness: high | well, here I am. writing this essay. ok sorry that was a bit corny. you know. well I just got done taking my first college test in chemistry. it wasn't too bad I guess. but the fact that I stayed you till 2:30 in the morning didn't help much. last night I went to a place called posse. it's a bar that a lot of the people in the band go to. I had a blast! of course I drove and so I had to drive back which wouldn't have been so bad except that it was raining last night. I have a C parking permit. yeah. it's the one that makes you park across the interstate. can you see me running across the interstate soaking wet? it wasn't too much fun. but I got here and got my materials, and started studying in my soaking wet clothes (I had to stay clothed cause I was in my hallway. my roommate was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. ) I studied a bit, and then got kinda bored with it so I went and got my guitar and played it out in my hallway. I'm pretty sure I broke some rule about quiet hours, but it didn't seem to bother anyone. I was quiet and the songs were soft and pretty. I like to play guitar before I go to bed. it helps me wind down. actually I like to play the guitar anyways. it's such a chick magnet. I have gotten a lot of play just cause I can play the guitar. it's nice. and it's therapeutic. playing guitar that is. I would expect getting booty is pretty therapeutic in some way, but that's not what I'm talking about. it helps me with my problems. I'm not too sure how. well, I guess it just helps me express my emotions and get them out of my system. I like it anyways. I love music. not only listening to it, but performing it as well. I'm in the longhorn band! now that kicks total ass! I mean it's huge, it's a lot of fun, and we get into all the games for free! and actually, this is the best part, WE GET PAID TO GO TO THE OU GAME! YES, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY GIVE US MONEY TO GO TO THE OU GAME! I love thinking about that. all those poor kids with their bracelets. oh well. such is life. I love football too! and what better place to go than here! our football team kicks ass!@! ok. so I don't know where to go from here. hmm. I guess I could talk about how weird it is that when we're asked to think about anything the first thing we do is well, not really think. ya know? is that due to nervousness? is it just some bad habit that teenagers and adults of late have acquired? who knows. I was talking to a friend in your class and she said that she was going to have a hard time wetting this. I think this is pretty easy. I'm fairly scatterbrained so it's cool. I've been noticing this more and more lately. I know I don't have add or anything, but I find myself being absent minded every once in a while. I wonder if add is a real thing. I mean I never really disputed it, but I have friends that think that add is a problem of will power. but who knows. alright. 4 minutes left. what shall I write about for 4 minutes. I'm sure there are some other ramblings I could think of. I play the sax. yeah. I like it. my biology class sucks, both of them really. my 212 is better than my 211 but who cares. I guess I should learn to like them though cause biology is my major. I want to go premed. and become a surgeon. we'll see how that goes I guess. if I don't make it in that, I'll probably switch to music. it would be nice and a music degree from UT has literally a 100% job acceptance rate. that is no lie. and that's a really good deal. we have a great music program here. we also have an awesome social life here. there's always something to do and someone to talk to . ooooooooooohhhh! less than a minute! almost through! what should I write!?!?! I don't know! oh I know! I'll write about | Emotions | Joy | Openness | high |
2003_505.txt | I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0 GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the "BAD KID"? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, "uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me "oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee
Emotions: Loneliness | Extraversion: Low | I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0 GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the "BAD KID"? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, "uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me "oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee | Emotions | Loneliness | Extraversion | Low |
1998_537522.txt | I know there's nothing "wrong" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a "typical" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last? I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me.
Emotions: Empathy | Agreeableness: high | I know there's nothing "wrong" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a "typical" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last? I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me. | Emotions | Empathy | Agreeableness | high |
2003_397.txt | I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry! I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people.
Emotions: Criticism | Agreeableness: Mixed | I am beginning to write this assignment and I'm thinking that is a pretty big waste of time. I'm already bored and I don't like it. I can smell the bread I got at la madelines and it smells pretty good. I don't normally eat there so it was a treat and I was there with a good friend so it was pretty fun. my friend/roommate just flushed the toilet and I think it sucks down pretty hard. alright only eighteen minutes to go. the more I smell the bread the more I want to eat it. it smells really good. the tv is on right now and it is on mtv, the voice of our generation. I was watching a show on christina aguilara and realized how gorgeous she really was when she dresses normally. man I'm hungry! I got to say I want to pierce my lip. the more I think about it the more I want to do it. I think it would so cool. and I want a tattoo. too bad my dad is anal about stuff like that. oh well, one of these days. we better beat the hell out of arkansas next saturday or I'll be pissed. my friend made me laugh because he heard this commercial for the dumbest movie ever, malibu's most wanted. I could go for some cereal. my mom's in europe on a cruise right now. queer eye for the straight guy is the dumbest excuse for television ever. what a waste of time that was. they don't even dress like straight guys. they are really gay and there style sucks. jimmy fallon is a funny guy I met him in new york. it is weird how peoples minds drift. I wish I could be a professional assassin. not even a ninja assassin, just one with a cool silenced gun. I don't know why. it just seems cool. to take care" of evil men. like in the boondock saints, the greatest movie ever. I hope I get to run track in the spring and I make the team. that would be like a dream come true. I would be a college athlete. that would be neat. and all the ladies love that. I think music is a great thing. I hope I find a bassist for my man while I'm here and we can play a show here at emo's. this is taking a lot longer than I thought it would. beyonce knowles is a good looking' woman. I don't know why she likes jay-z. to be famous would be nice, but to be a doctor would be nicer because I earned that. good charlotte sucks. they are terrible live and I don't get why people like them. the guitarist isn't even good. I'm half way done. that is nice to know. my mind is being strained. the texans one today and they beat the dolphins. that is awesome because some thought the dolphins would win the super bowl. we'll see about that. texas football rules. my old high school one its first game of the season yesterday and they did well. my little brother one his first high school of his career and he was pretty proud. He is on the a team and that is a big deal. blah blah, that is what my mind thinks. its neat to see what people can think of. I need to buy some milk for my room. I could go fro some cocoa-cocoa dyno bytes. they are so good, and chocolaty. mmmmmm. delicious. instant messaging is an interesting concept in these connected times of ours. that would suck to be a worm. have no legs and what not, I need to get xp for my computer so I have word, excell and power point. that would be nice. only six minutes to go. I don't know why people love asses so much. its kinda gross when people think about what they really are. chris rock is pretty find. he just has a really big mouth and I'm surprised he hasn't gotten beaten up. it was jack black's birthday not too long ago and he is really funny. I just started showing my friend how to play the guitar and she is doing pretty well. probably because she knows how to play the violin. david blaine is the most amazing street magician ever. the olsen twins are worth over a billion dollars. rock music is the best sort of music because I can get into it more I think. rap isn't real music. just like good charlotte. I like evanescence because that girl is hot and linkin park is good because they are different. the white stripes suck however because that girl can't drum to save her life. it is interesting to see how people interact. I don't know why. maybe that is why I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm trying to spell correctly on this and I don't know why. maybe so you can understand what is being typed on this crazy assignment. linkin park won the best rock video award. it was interesting. I don't know why. that band has a lot of asians in it. metallica is a well received band because they are good. I could never be a typical rock star because I can't think I could be that mean to people. | Emotions | Criticism | Agreeableness | Mixed |
1999_510014.txt | In Phl 304 we've been talking about Kant and Deintology, which leads me to a question:why am a writing this; is schoolwork a hypothetical or categorical imparitive? Do I really care what the about the answer to that question? No. I'm just picking my brain. Frustration is undoubtedly a major hinderance to my well being. Why didn't the tab button work when I pressed it? Heplessness is abundant in my brain when it comes to computers. Thinking of the word helpless reminds me of that CSN&Y song. They're such a great group- but not as great as Buffalo Springfield- their predecessor. Whatever. That's the word that runs through my head most often these days. I really wonder whether it matters what I write in this assignment. Who in this beauracracy of a University is actually going to read this? I doubt much if it would matter if I just wrote something like "I enjoy carrots" over and over again. Whatever. There's that word again. Every time that you ask for more, its the sound that makes the colors go blind, and everything comes in three's, but your face shows 2-lost in a watershed-way out of tune. Got that? I doubt it, in fact I doubt you made it this far. Lack of patience most likely. Patience is a very admirable quality. I wish I had more of it. In fact, ever since I arrived here my patience has been raped, but I'll get more into that in writing assignment #2. believe it or not, its been 20 minutes, and though this "stream of consciousness" seems to be more about this assignment than anything else, I am just articulating what is on my mind. I guess that doesn't really matter if this isn't being graded. Since I know no one will read this I may as well confess that my dog, Skeezy and my friend Chico spend most nights defecating on all the wombats in the toilet, but that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that Chico also likes to slap a alligators to death with a certain part of his anatomy. This really seems to impress Iranian supermodels. Go figure.
Emotions: Frustration | Extraversion: Low | In Phl 304 we've been talking about Kant and Deintology, which leads me to a question:why am a writing this; is schoolwork a hypothetical or categorical imparitive? Do I really care what the about the answer to that question? No. I'm just picking my brain. Frustration is undoubtedly a major hinderance to my well being. Why didn't the tab button work when I pressed it? Heplessness is abundant in my brain when it comes to computers. Thinking of the word helpless reminds me of that CSN&Y song. They're such a great group- but not as great as Buffalo Springfield- their predecessor. Whatever. That's the word that runs through my head most often these days. I really wonder whether it matters what I write in this assignment. Who in this beauracracy of a University is actually going to read this? I doubt much if it would matter if I just wrote something like "I enjoy carrots" over and over again. Whatever. There's that word again. Every time that you ask for more, its the sound that makes the colors go blind, and everything comes in three's, but your face shows 2-lost in a watershed-way out of tune. Got that? I doubt it, in fact I doubt you made it this far. Lack of patience most likely. Patience is a very admirable quality. I wish I had more of it. In fact, ever since I arrived here my patience has been raped, but I'll get more into that in writing assignment #2. believe it or not, its been 20 minutes, and though this "stream of consciousness" seems to be more about this assignment than anything else, I am just articulating what is on my mind. I guess that doesn't really matter if this isn't being graded. Since I know no one will read this I may as well confess that my dog, Skeezy and my friend Chico spend most nights defecating on all the wombats in the toilet, but that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that Chico also likes to slap a alligators to death with a certain part of his anatomy. This really seems to impress Iranian supermodels. Go figure. | Emotions | Frustration | Extraversion | Low |
2000_771081.txt | I love just being me. Honestly without my personality, I am nothing in this world. There are so many people alive today that without my individuality, I could not survive. It would be too weird if I walked around the streets seeing a splitting image of myself. Hehe I think that I would probably pass out if that ever happened to me. Ouch, my arm really itches right now. Man I hate when I scratch so hard and it leaves marks on my skin. It's so unattractive and it is so annoying when I have to shave over it. I really can't believe that he would say that to her. Doesn't he realize that some things are best left unsaid especially when you don't know the whole story? Fainting has to be one of the most unique experiences that I have ever gone through. It's so weird that you lose all control of yourself for that onesecond. Thank goodness that girl was there to help me even though she didn't know me. I would freak out if I ever came in contact with someone who was about to pass out and fell on me. Man Jessica really can draw. I wish that I had the talent to do something like drawing my selfportrait. My legs are really starting to bother me since they are in that position. Oh man I need to go read my Theater since I have that class tomorrow. What should I wear tomorrow? I wonder if it is going to be as hot as it has been this whole time. I thought it would feel so much better than McAllen. For goodness sakes, at least McAllen has wind. Man what I would give to be at the beach right now without a care in the world sipping on the best tasting glass of lemonade and laying out getting the greatest tan in the world. And the POboys at Blackbeard's. No one makes greater Fantail Special than they do. I really hope my computer comes soon. I can't wait to start adding songs to my computer. Why hasn't my phone rang in a while? I need to call Jessie in a minute. I wonder if I have anything that I need to get done tomorrow. Hopefully my backpack will work out good. Because it was so cheap compared to everything else that was there. I love my shoes and I can't believe that my black ones broke. That was too weird that it happened especially since it was in the middle of the street and I wasn't doing anything that would have made it break normally. I hope my computer is the one I wanted. I wonder who is calling right now? Must be for Amber since she is talking to that person right now. I really feel like watching Hope Floats right now. That is such a great movie, and the guy in it is so hot.
Emotions: Contentment | Neuroticism: low | I love just being me. Honestly without my personality, I am nothing in this world. There are so many people alive today that without my individuality, I could not survive. It would be too weird if I walked around the streets seeing a splitting image of myself. Hehe I think that I would probably pass out if that ever happened to me. Ouch, my arm really itches right now. Man I hate when I scratch so hard and it leaves marks on my skin. It's so unattractive and it is so annoying when I have to shave over it. I really can't believe that he would say that to her. Doesn't he realize that some things are best left unsaid especially when you don't know the whole story? Fainting has to be one of the most unique experiences that I have ever gone through. It's so weird that you lose all control of yourself for that onesecond. Thank goodness that girl was there to help me even though she didn't know me. I would freak out if I ever came in contact with someone who was about to pass out and fell on me. Man Jessica really can draw. I wish that I had the talent to do something like drawing my selfportrait. My legs are really starting to bother me since they are in that position. Oh man I need to go read my Theater since I have that class tomorrow. What should I wear tomorrow? I wonder if it is going to be as hot as it has been this whole time. I thought it would feel so much better than McAllen. For goodness sakes, at least McAllen has wind. Man what I would give to be at the beach right now without a care in the world sipping on the best tasting glass of lemonade and laying out getting the greatest tan in the world. And the POboys at Blackbeard's. No one makes greater Fantail Special than they do. I really hope my computer comes soon. I can't wait to start adding songs to my computer. Why hasn't my phone rang in a while? I need to call Jessie in a minute. I wonder if I have anything that I need to get done tomorrow. Hopefully my backpack will work out good. Because it was so cheap compared to everything else that was there. I love my shoes and I can't believe that my black ones broke. That was too weird that it happened especially since it was in the middle of the street and I wasn't doing anything that would have made it break normally. I hope my computer is the one I wanted. I wonder who is calling right now? Must be for Amber since she is talking to that person right now. I really feel like watching Hope Floats right now. That is such a great movie, and the guy in it is so hot. | Emotions | Contentment | Neuroticism | low |
1998_979711.txt | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems.
Social Awareness: Lack of empathy | Agreeableness: Low | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. | Social Awareness | Lack of empathy | Agreeableness | Low |
2002_805223.txt | cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else
Emotions: Stress/Sadness | Openness: low | cold air quietness stress sad unreal computer pictures home stress family death uncle sadness vietnam feelings coldness alone isolation fear homework worry help not enough time catch up freedom working no homework looking for room to breath need help afraid to ask tired not enough sleep psychology subject intriguing need more time to do other homework need notes from other people tired weak wanting to go home don't want to stay here too long want to go back home miss the people back home friends family lost hard heat hear footsteps just a stranger wanting to go home chips smell like onions hungry but already ate about five minutes ago need time to study too many tests coming up need more time too tired want to go somewhere else but here feeling sick nauseous feel a major heading coming forth need time need time bored want to go somewhere else tired bored tired bored bored want to do something else | Emotions | Stress/Sadness | Openness | low |
2000_657578.txt | I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up.
Emotions: Guilt | Conscientiousness: Medium | I wondering about what I should write here but I know that I'm just supposed to write what comes to mind. I just ate a chocolate cookie and now I'm craving some milk. My nose itches. I can see my shadow on the wall in front of me because of the light behind me. This chair is really uncomfortable. I need to buy a pillow to fit in it. Now I'm drawing a blank. Now I'm thinking about studying chemistry after I finish typing. But I don't understand the work, so I guess I should just wait and do the homework after I go to the discussion session tomorrow. My chemistry professor was "sick" today, but the sickout is not supposed to start until tomorrow. Maybe she really is sick. My arm hurts because the edge of the desk is sharp. Now my back itches. It's this darn chair that's making me so uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if it matters if I type contractions or not. I know that in a proper English paper, I am not supposed to say "isn't" or "I'm" or anything like that. But this is a stream of consciousness so I guess there aren't any rules. I wonder when my roommate is going to get in tonight. I hope she doesn't walk in while I'm still typing this, then it will distract me. But then again, I'm not doing a very good job at focusing on my thoughts right now, anyway. Hmmm. my thoughts. I wish I had not just eaten that cookie. That's unnecessary calories and now I'm thirsty. I wish I could talk to this guy that I like, J. J. He's on a sixmonth float for the navy and I won't get to see him until spring break. But we care a lot about each other and email everyday. I wish I had some music on right now, but I don't know if I should listen to music right now, anyway, because that might mess up my thoughts, also. I hope I like this psychology class. I'm thinking about being a child psychologist. I love children. I want to have two kids. I think I want to have kids before I'm oh, 26. I don't want to die before my kids graduate. Larry King is 74 and his wife is pregnant. That's ridiculous. That's traumatic on the child, I think. I just popped my knuckles. My mom would always slap my hands when I did that in front of her. My nose really itches. Sitting here makes me notice all my aches and pains. My ankle hurts and my arms are hurting because of this desk. I need to repaint my toenails, but I'm so lazy. I want to go smoke a cigarette outside really quickly. But I only have 15 more minutes to type. Wow, only one fourth of the time has passed so far. I just popped my neck. That's probably not too good for me. I'm going to have arthritis everywhere by the time I'm 30. Now I'm trying to get more comfortable so I'm sitting indian style in this little bitty chair. My closet light is on and it's kind of bothering me. I hope I do well in all of my classes this semester. My easiest class is German but the rest I know I will have to put forth a lot of effort to do well in them. But I really think I'm going to enjoy this class. The first day I walked into psychology class last Wednesday, out of all the people in the auditorium, I happened to sit right next to someone I had met the night before. It really is a small world, even thought this is the biggest college in the nation right now. My roommate is a raver. She has all of these rave flyers all over the wall. I've never been to a rave, but I think I might go to one this Saturday. I'm not too pumped up about it, but I think I should at least give it a chance. I just hope I don't get drugged accidentally or something. And also, ravers wear really funny clothing. I'd look funny if I wore "normal" going out clothes to the rave, so I'm going to have to borrow my roommate's clothes. Okay, time is up. | Emotions | Guilt | Conscientiousness | Medium |
2002_673493.txt | So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.
Social Awareness: Social Engagement | Extraversion: high | So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences. | Social Awareness | Social Engagement | Extraversion | high |
2004_56.txt | I can't believe that I missed my first class this morning. I don't know what happened. Maybe my roommate turned off my alarm early and didn't tell me. But I don't think so, because he's a good guy and he wouldn't do that. I hope there wasn't a quiz in kinesiology today. That would just be my luck. The one time I miss it, there was a quiz. Man this sucks not having books, I'm getting so far behind in all my classes reading. It's going to be hard to catch up. There are some many people in all my classes it's ridiculous. You know what else is ridiculous, not having books. Why can't I get into shape faster? I know it takes time, but I've been running for 3 weeks and I don't see much of an improvement. If I am going to walk on the cross country team here I need to be faster than I was in high school. My old high school team mates are not doing so hot right now. The top runners are running about one minute and a half behind what we were running last year. I was running 16:26 for a 5K, but these guys are running like 17:40 for a 5K. They are going to have a lot of time to make up if they are going to be competitive in one of the toughest districts in the state, second to only the woodlands district. God, I hate the woodlands, and cedar park, and Georgetown. I wish I hadn't injured myself during track season, cause I had to take 3 months off the heal. And three months with no running killed me. I gained like 20 pounds during the summer session here at UT. But summer school was so much fun. I met lots of cool guys like Kevin, rahim, and Justin. And a lot of girls. Actually too many girls to count, but out of all those girls, I don't think any of them found me attractive at all. And when ever some girl approaches me at a party, some one will swoop in take her. Some one like Kevin or rahim. I'm still mad for what Kevin did. I can't believe that he "made out" with my best friend and the girl that I love so much. That just sucked. I felt like some one had ripped out my heart and then run it over with several big rigs, then dropped it off a high building, then feed it to piranhas in the Amazon rain forest. But I know Kevin didn't do that one purpose, or did he? But I had a long talk with both Heather and Kevin, and we're cool. Oh and Heather is coming to visit this weekend! I am so excited! I haven't seen her since before school started like 4 weeks ago. I'm disappointed because she was supposed to come to UT but she didn't get into articture school so she had to go to atm, but she is going to transfer her in a year. I hope. I have to plan a fun weekend with stuff for us to do, so she and I can have a good time again. But what do I do? I have to work part of sat and sun, but we still can have fun Friday and then after I get off work. I just want her to be happy, if its not with me then so be it. But I will marry her, I will marry her, because I love her so much and she is my best friend. I hope she feels the same way. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to mess up our perfect friendship, oh well. We will have to see what unfolds.
Emotions: Regret | Conscientiousness: low | I can't believe that I missed my first class this morning. I don't know what happened. Maybe my roommate turned off my alarm early and didn't tell me. But I don't think so, because he's a good guy and he wouldn't do that. I hope there wasn't a quiz in kinesiology today. That would just be my luck. The one time I miss it, there was a quiz. Man this sucks not having books, I'm getting so far behind in all my classes reading. It's going to be hard to catch up. There are some many people in all my classes it's ridiculous. You know what else is ridiculous, not having books. Why can't I get into shape faster? I know it takes time, but I've been running for 3 weeks and I don't see much of an improvement. If I am going to walk on the cross country team here I need to be faster than I was in high school. My old high school team mates are not doing so hot right now. The top runners are running about one minute and a half behind what we were running last year. I was running 16:26 for a 5K, but these guys are running like 17:40 for a 5K. They are going to have a lot of time to make up if they are going to be competitive in one of the toughest districts in the state, second to only the woodlands district. God, I hate the woodlands, and cedar park, and Georgetown. I wish I hadn't injured myself during track season, cause I had to take 3 months off the heal. And three months with no running killed me. I gained like 20 pounds during the summer session here at UT. But summer school was so much fun. I met lots of cool guys like Kevin, rahim, and Justin. And a lot of girls. Actually too many girls to count, but out of all those girls, I don't think any of them found me attractive at all. And when ever some girl approaches me at a party, some one will swoop in take her. Some one like Kevin or rahim. I'm still mad for what Kevin did. I can't believe that he "made out" with my best friend and the girl that I love so much. That just sucked. I felt like some one had ripped out my heart and then run it over with several big rigs, then dropped it off a high building, then feed it to piranhas in the Amazon rain forest. But I know Kevin didn't do that one purpose, or did he? But I had a long talk with both Heather and Kevin, and we're cool. Oh and Heather is coming to visit this weekend! I am so excited! I haven't seen her since before school started like 4 weeks ago. I'm disappointed because she was supposed to come to UT but she didn't get into articture school so she had to go to atm, but she is going to transfer her in a year. I hope. I have to plan a fun weekend with stuff for us to do, so she and I can have a good time again. But what do I do? I have to work part of sat and sun, but we still can have fun Friday and then after I get off work. I just want her to be happy, if its not with me then so be it. But I will marry her, I will marry her, because I love her so much and she is my best friend. I hope she feels the same way. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to mess up our perfect friendship, oh well. We will have to see what unfolds. | Emotions | Regret | Conscientiousness | low |
2000_618192.txt | I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I"LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen.
Emotions: Excitement | Extraversion: High | I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I"LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen. | Emotions | Excitement | Extraversion | High |
2000_890770.txt | I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine.
Emotions: Fear | Openness: high | I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine. | Emotions | Fear | Openness | high |
2004_345.txt | I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say?
Emotions: Excitement | Extraversion: Medium | I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say? | Emotions | Excitement | Extraversion | Medium |
2004_286.txt | At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.
Emotions: Concern | Agreeableness: high | At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days. | Emotions | Concern | Agreeableness | high |
2004_345.txt | I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say?
Emotions: Stress | Openness: High | I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say? | Emotions | Stress | Openness | High |
2000_457131.txt | streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room.
Emotions: Empathy | Agreeableness: Medium | streaming thoughts. hard with aol open, closed. music playing. wonder if this impacts writing. of course it does. cold hands. why is this room so cold. wonder what its like outside. hopefully not as hot as before, it would feel good though. I like this keyboard. track change. dig this mix. reverb. bass. beat. dark room, but I hate fluorescent lights. horrible. this is hard to do. thoughts come and go before I can trace them. highway. like cars going by on a highway, fleeting. synthesizer, chord, nice. voice, repeating. strange. I wonder why economics was canceled today. no professor? sick? I need to read. fifteen minutes to go? I've hardly written anything. don't tell me my mind is this empty. email arrives. pointless, I'm sure. 303s are cool, who made them. want to hear the first song using a 303. wish I could get this working. where's the beat, key change. okay. what are these things sitting here. fists outstretched with a spiral on the stomach? someone was high when they designed these. individually wrapped. single serving. film club meeting tonight. ahh free food, hopefully not pizza. need to see a movie. yes. so much money to be spent. 10 minutes it looks like, well at least I'm consistent. underworld. neat notes. this would be hard in silence. easier to work with music for some reason. cymbals. going home Friday. hot weather. how cold will it get. were humans meant to live in texas. air conditioning changed the world. funny. sweaty fat guys with tool belts make most of the world livable. irony. age of empires. a time with anarchy before 18 years of predetermined schooling. talent squashed with mindless work before it has a chance to develop. what are we doing. who can fix it, everyone takes it for granted. why am I arguing this. I'd like to argue this someday. humans haven't been around forever. feet are cold now, I really need to get out. pop quizzes, I hope not. no projects, thank god. need to read though. club element tonight? fifteen bucks. might be cool. what type of crowd is it though. bassline bassline. is this trance? I like ltj bukem though. there's the beat, how cool. who is this. I'd like to make a track like this. dust. damn this room gets dusty. need to wipe the fixtures. I love black lights. mix it. put that away. hunger, lots of walking. lots of sleep. too much. can't wake up at one every day. why didn't the highpoint controllers work. its almost time. watch the computer crash. who reads this? white room. | Emotions | Empathy | Agreeableness | Medium |
2002_665348.txt | so , i am supposed to write what i think. thats sorat hard, because everytime you think a thought, it has disappeared by the time you have finished wirrint it. but at the moment i would like to talk about the one thing that is on lmy mind: my mother yes, she is my mother, and yes, she is extremely overprotective. but i am in COLLEGE now . that is a wee different than high school in the sense that you have ot be. o whats the word. . independent will do. yea you have to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, be yoursefl. except if your mother is preventing you from doing that, what are you supposed to do? if she doesnt let you come home later than whatever time she setss (which by the way is not very late at all) then you are basically in 9th grade again. do this, do that. and the worst part is, she never directly states what is on her mind. she starts out by asking questions. where were you all this time? i was worrying? why didnt you tell me? i did ma. i don't remember well thats too bad . i have to go tomorrow as well where? when? till what time? who what where when why and how, she might as well be a journalist. she instilled morals and values on me. doesnt she trust her own upbringing? doesnt she trust me? trust is anothe issue and overprotectiveness is another. or at least i think she is being overprotective. maybe to her indian standards she is extremely liberal. maybe. but this isnt india! this is the us, land of freedom. not that i'm going to go off and elope with some pierced stranger. i just want some privacy, some freedom. and most of all i want to move out. that in itself would solve so many problems. first of all, i wouldnt have to listen to her critisizing me one moment and loving methe next. she also would be liberated from my constant bickering and un called for interruptions. i wouldnt be too far away and yet not close enough to be distracted. everytime i try to study, she comes in every 15 to 20 mts. unless of course if she is taking a nap of 3 hours or so. but i feel guilty. i feel guilty for the way i am thinking. she deserves that nap, every second of it. if i worked as hard as she does, i would be half unconscious by now. but she finds time for a full time job, for being a single mother, for paying bills, for making food, for everything you would want a mother to do, as well as everything you wish she wouldnt do. she is the epitome of motherhood, in all its glory and grime. she has her pro's and cons, and i love her for that. but sometimes she can be a real pain. enought about her, i still have 12 minutes of writing left. what can i write about. lets see, college. yes college is most definitely on my mind at the moment, because i am doing a college assignment. i also have a bunch of homework to do after this and it is already 10 pm. i am not too good at doing all nighters. the latest i have slept is 5 am. and that was not study related. that was lets have a girl cousin talk thing. but that aside, college seems to be hard, but not as hard as i had thought it to be. i am not completely clueless as to what is beingsaid in my classes, but at the same time, i am quite amazed at the amount of reading that has to be done. its not the reading actually, its the note taking that is required in intense detail and that takes up a whole lot of time. i am trying to think of what to think and it isnt working too well, so i'll just write about my family. well theres my brother and i could go on and on about him. personally i think he's a spoiled brat. he has as much potential as his fourteen yr old cerebrum can handle, but that potential is over ridden by his spoiled bratedness. he is plain spoiled , by my mother mostly. when i was his age ( now why does that sound so familiar. . i am not that old, am i?) i was super disciplined by my father; the beatings, the cruel and unusual punishments, the whole package. yes, so i think i am definitely more responsible. whereas my younger sibling, he has the disadvantage of being not only a spoiled brat, but an extremely lazy spoiled brat. he reads a lot, and thats pretty much the only good thing about him. another controversial curse in the form of a blessing is that he can phase out the rebukes of my mother. now one minute ago i was critisizing him and now i'm commending him, but not really. it only seems to be a boon at certain times, like if i really did not want to hear my mother tell me how all the other girls my age are doing jobs and iam sitting around and my legs are gettin fat andn how i should exercise more. because she has already said it 10 times that week and wishes to say it once more, as if i couldnt hear her say it 10 times, whereas i actually could. that didnt sound like it made sense. but yea. this stream of consciousness thing, i did it in senior yr ap english. my teacher, mrs. lydic was one . . uh. . unique lady. she was somewhat crazy in the sense that she drank unbelievely outrageous amounts of coffee and had this almost supernatural smirk/ smile on her face. and her hair was always the exact same way. side parting with a big dome of hair on the top. yes i sound so shallow in this callow description of her physical faults, but it was that mingled with her personality that made the ap english experience not really unpleasant, but unusual. so after i discovered that i had to do a stream of consciousness paper in psychology i thought, i can never get rid of lydic. she will always be there. not that thats a bad thing. i suppose it is thanks to her ( and my own diligent efforts) that i got a 4 on the english literature advanced placement exam. but now i have less than 30 secons left and i would just like to say, this soc paper didnt really provide a catharsis for me.
Emotions: Frustration | Openness: High | so , i am supposed to write what i think. thats sorat hard, because everytime you think a thought, it has disappeared by the time you have finished wirrint it. but at the moment i would like to talk about the one thing that is on lmy mind: my mother yes, she is my mother, and yes, she is extremely overprotective. but i am in COLLEGE now . that is a wee different than high school in the sense that you have ot be. o whats the word. . independent will do. yea you have to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, be yoursefl. except if your mother is preventing you from doing that, what are you supposed to do? if she doesnt let you come home later than whatever time she setss (which by the way is not very late at all) then you are basically in 9th grade again. do this, do that. and the worst part is, she never directly states what is on her mind. she starts out by asking questions. where were you all this time? i was worrying? why didnt you tell me? i did ma. i don't remember well thats too bad . i have to go tomorrow as well where? when? till what time? who what where when why and how, she might as well be a journalist. she instilled morals and values on me. doesnt she trust her own upbringing? doesnt she trust me? trust is anothe issue and overprotectiveness is another. or at least i think she is being overprotective. maybe to her indian standards she is extremely liberal. maybe. but this isnt india! this is the us, land of freedom. not that i'm going to go off and elope with some pierced stranger. i just want some privacy, some freedom. and most of all i want to move out. that in itself would solve so many problems. first of all, i wouldnt have to listen to her critisizing me one moment and loving methe next. she also would be liberated from my constant bickering and un called for interruptions. i wouldnt be too far away and yet not close enough to be distracted. everytime i try to study, she comes in every 15 to 20 mts. unless of course if she is taking a nap of 3 hours or so. but i feel guilty. i feel guilty for the way i am thinking. she deserves that nap, every second of it. if i worked as hard as she does, i would be half unconscious by now. but she finds time for a full time job, for being a single mother, for paying bills, for making food, for everything you would want a mother to do, as well as everything you wish she wouldnt do. she is the epitome of motherhood, in all its glory and grime. she has her pro's and cons, and i love her for that. but sometimes she can be a real pain. enought about her, i still have 12 minutes of writing left. what can i write about. lets see, college. yes college is most definitely on my mind at the moment, because i am doing a college assignment. i also have a bunch of homework to do after this and it is already 10 pm. i am not too good at doing all nighters. the latest i have slept is 5 am. and that was not study related. that was lets have a girl cousin talk thing. but that aside, college seems to be hard, but not as hard as i had thought it to be. i am not completely clueless as to what is beingsaid in my classes, but at the same time, i am quite amazed at the amount of reading that has to be done. its not the reading actually, its the note taking that is required in intense detail and that takes up a whole lot of time. i am trying to think of what to think and it isnt working too well, so i'll just write about my family. well theres my brother and i could go on and on about him. personally i think he's a spoiled brat. he has as much potential as his fourteen yr old cerebrum can handle, but that potential is over ridden by his spoiled bratedness. he is plain spoiled , by my mother mostly. when i was his age ( now why does that sound so familiar. . i am not that old, am i?) i was super disciplined by my father; the beatings, the cruel and unusual punishments, the whole package. yes, so i think i am definitely more responsible. whereas my younger sibling, he has the disadvantage of being not only a spoiled brat, but an extremely lazy spoiled brat. he reads a lot, and thats pretty much the only good thing about him. another controversial curse in the form of a blessing is that he can phase out the rebukes of my mother. now one minute ago i was critisizing him and now i'm commending him, but not really. it only seems to be a boon at certain times, like if i really did not want to hear my mother tell me how all the other girls my age are doing jobs and iam sitting around and my legs are gettin fat andn how i should exercise more. because she has already said it 10 times that week and wishes to say it once more, as if i couldnt hear her say it 10 times, whereas i actually could. that didnt sound like it made sense. but yea. this stream of consciousness thing, i did it in senior yr ap english. my teacher, mrs. lydic was one . . uh. . unique lady. she was somewhat crazy in the sense that she drank unbelievely outrageous amounts of coffee and had this almost supernatural smirk/ smile on her face. and her hair was always the exact same way. side parting with a big dome of hair on the top. yes i sound so shallow in this callow description of her physical faults, but it was that mingled with her personality that made the ap english experience not really unpleasant, but unusual. so after i discovered that i had to do a stream of consciousness paper in psychology i thought, i can never get rid of lydic. she will always be there. not that thats a bad thing. i suppose it is thanks to her ( and my own diligent efforts) that i got a 4 on the english literature advanced placement exam. but now i have less than 30 secons left and i would just like to say, this soc paper didnt really provide a catharsis for me. | Emotions | Frustration | Openness | High |
1998_930178.txt | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.
Thinking styles: Worrisome Thinking | Neuroticism: high | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. | Thinking styles | Worrisome Thinking | Neuroticism | high |
1998_538805.txt | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly.
Social Awareness: Self-awareness | Extraversion: Low | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. | Social Awareness | Self-awareness | Extraversion | Low |
2004_292.txt | hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out
Emotions: Excitement | Extraversion: high | hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out | Emotions | Excitement | Extraversion | high |
2000_036354.txt | I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define "they" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home not to see my family (will, sort of that too you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up.
Emotions: Stress | Neuroticism: high | I have been asked to do this psychology assignment of writing down my train of thoughts and feelings for twenty minutes with out stopping. So far that was my first train of thought I know it's a boring intro sentence, but yet I'm not allowed to stop and think of how to write more eloquently. I guess that leads me to my next thought school. This is my first semester at college and there is so much going on. When you asked to write down our stress factor on a scale of 17, I believe I might have marked an 8. There are so many things that are going on, and I want to be able to organize everything in time slots. The only thing is that they keep giving me stuff to do. I suppose you would define "they" as professors with homework and S. I meetings, which I really want to attend. Then I had my first sorority meeting last night, and they have so much in store for us this semester. I suppose I should tell you that I love going home not to see my family (will, sort of that too you got to love mom and dad!), but I have boyfriend back at Houston. I was planning on going home all these weekends, but it turns out that I have something I have to do that is mandatory on almost every weekend. This boyfriend of mine is totally worth the trouble and stress of going home. I have had the most amazing summer with him just hanging out and doing fun activities. He makes me feel ten times happier when I'm around him and it's just really hard not having him here to help me adjust into this new life style. I do however, talk to him everyday and write him letters. The first week I arrived in Austin, I can honestly say that it sucked because rush drained a lot out of me and then we had to start school with no breaks from rush week. I thought I would be able to adjust better in this big place, because I consider myself an easy going friendly person. There is just so much that is consuming my life right now that I hardly have time to stop and think about what I need to do. I love exercising and used to do it everyday, and now I haven't had time to do any of that this past week because of school. I just hate this time in my life right now when everything is so jumbled up in my brain. I can't wait for the day when I have everything organized and I don't feel too constrained to one aspect of my life. I also hate this time because you don't really know anybody. True, I've met people and they are all really nice, but I haven't gotten to that stage when you can say anything to them and not look stupid. I am really glad that I did join the sorority just so I can meet people, but there are 60 people that I can meet and that's just too much for me to build strong friendships all at once. I do have some friends from back home, but I hardly have time to visit with them because I'm so consumed with everything else. I just need to sit down and relax. I did go home for Labor Day to visit my boyfriend, and that was exactly what I needed just to hang out with someone who knows you so well. We did basically nothing and it was great not having to worry about anything. That weekend I think was somewhat a turning point in my attitude of college. It just made me realize that it is harder than I thought (adjusting wise) but everything turns out okay in the end. Plus I was happy to know that I do have somebody who loves me just as much as I love him; and that when I'm missing him, he's thinking about me too. I guess it just made me feel not so lost in college knowing that I have a great person back home supporting me every step of the way. Okay, twenty minutes are up. | Emotions | Stress | Neuroticism | high |
1997_369589.txt | Stream of consciousness, I just ate breakfast and my stomach hurts, my stomach hurt when I got in my first accident two years ago. stupid car, I got in a wreck just recently I was going down the road and I came to a usual stop behind a car sat there for about 3 sec an the stupid ford ranger just came billowing into my rear end and crushed it, what are you looking for, would this be considered paranoia, why do you care so much about what I am thinking, I want to go home some times but to the home you see in movies, the ones with home cooked meals and clean rooms or even sofas to sleep on and it would be a good experience. I really want a dog, my do at home really sucks, she is old and acts like a cat, a robber came into our house a few years ago and the dog peed on itself the ran away, stupid dog. do you think I hold allot of hostility, I like to portray I don't care what anyone thinks, but that is not always true because some time to reach my goal I have to care a little bit, stupid hormones. you probably will not even read this so I guess it really does not matter exactly what I say. I wonder how long these things usually are, mine based on the amount of time I have spent writing will be four lines long, but those are some really long lines. I thing the guy next to me is hitting enter, so his is longer than mine. you know your class is too big it is hard to get any interaction so it gets boring. I tell my friend he has , he is not my friend, but I tell him he has no tact, but when I think about it neither do I and I grub with my money because I do not have much of it too spend I am 'a broke bitch!!' actually my lines are probably going to add up to about 3, but that is cool, the gut next to me has not written for 20 min, but hey jip the man, that is my motto, take as much as you can and get your moneys worth, I leave the lights on all the time in my dorm room because I want to waste electricity, and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth!! yeah jip the man. I really want a computer in my room and it is upsetting that I do not have one because I have had one all my life and I am supposed to start right now not having one what kind of cruel god designated the lot in my life for. I want to learn to hack into very large computer and take control of them, haha!! I will the most powerful man in the world, my and my delusions of grandure@idiot. com. what ever, I figured out that that could be take as an insult, doesn't surprise me though, people take to much to the heart these days! this girl I met she is a room mate of a friend of mine, but she is constantly telling people about her promissory ring and about her boy friend, but then after a party she messes around with my best friend, it is not that I am jealous of he so much that he got to mess around with her but the fact she did it at all, he gets some much action. I kind of respected her bitchiness, but then she had to go off and just go back on everything she said. dork. I am kind of jealous of the fact that Joe messed, really broke her, that is kind of cool, and I wish I got to do it just for the reason of doing it. I really need to get a girl friend, I want some one I can rely on every once on in a while. beats the hell out of me, girls are too confusing. music can control my feelings, NIN can send an adrenaline rush at me hard core. I drink too much when I drink. I do not drink all the time it is just when I do I drink too muck of it, so nothing can stop me now. I am out, this is cool I might do this again. later.
Emotions: Impulsivity | Conscientiousness: Low | Stream of consciousness, I just ate breakfast and my stomach hurts, my stomach hurt when I got in my first accident two years ago. stupid car, I got in a wreck just recently I was going down the road and I came to a usual stop behind a car sat there for about 3 sec an the stupid ford ranger just came billowing into my rear end and crushed it, what are you looking for, would this be considered paranoia, why do you care so much about what I am thinking, I want to go home some times but to the home you see in movies, the ones with home cooked meals and clean rooms or even sofas to sleep on and it would be a good experience. I really want a dog, my do at home really sucks, she is old and acts like a cat, a robber came into our house a few years ago and the dog peed on itself the ran away, stupid dog. do you think I hold allot of hostility, I like to portray I don't care what anyone thinks, but that is not always true because some time to reach my goal I have to care a little bit, stupid hormones. you probably will not even read this so I guess it really does not matter exactly what I say. I wonder how long these things usually are, mine based on the amount of time I have spent writing will be four lines long, but those are some really long lines. I thing the guy next to me is hitting enter, so his is longer than mine. you know your class is too big it is hard to get any interaction so it gets boring. I tell my friend he has , he is not my friend, but I tell him he has no tact, but when I think about it neither do I and I grub with my money because I do not have much of it too spend I am 'a broke bitch!!' actually my lines are probably going to add up to about 3, but that is cool, the gut next to me has not written for 20 min, but hey jip the man, that is my motto, take as much as you can and get your moneys worth, I leave the lights on all the time in my dorm room because I want to waste electricity, and I leave the water running in the sink when I brush my teeth!! yeah jip the man. I really want a computer in my room and it is upsetting that I do not have one because I have had one all my life and I am supposed to start right now not having one what kind of cruel god designated the lot in my life for. I want to learn to hack into very large computer and take control of them, haha!! I will the most powerful man in the world, my and my delusions of grandure@idiot. com. what ever, I figured out that that could be take as an insult, doesn't surprise me though, people take to much to the heart these days! this girl I met she is a room mate of a friend of mine, but she is constantly telling people about her promissory ring and about her boy friend, but then after a party she messes around with my best friend, it is not that I am jealous of he so much that he got to mess around with her but the fact she did it at all, he gets some much action. I kind of respected her bitchiness, but then she had to go off and just go back on everything she said. dork. I am kind of jealous of the fact that Joe messed, really broke her, that is kind of cool, and I wish I got to do it just for the reason of doing it. I really need to get a girl friend, I want some one I can rely on every once on in a while. beats the hell out of me, girls are too confusing. music can control my feelings, NIN can send an adrenaline rush at me hard core. I drink too much when I drink. I do not drink all the time it is just when I do I drink too muck of it, so nothing can stop me now. I am out, this is cool I might do this again. later. | Emotions | Impulsivity | Conscientiousness | Low |
1999_711103.txt | I don't know what exactly I am supposed to write about. and I think about how much time I spend trying to perfect everything in my classes, but when does that ever go through. I think that there is so much to do and I have no time to do it it. the stress keeps growing and growing. I am a bad typer so this won't be as long as it should be biut I don't really care I keep fixing my mistakes even thoigh I know I am not supposed to I thik that my hand will start to hurt really soon after so much typeing that I am going to inevitablly have to take a break soon but I ll just keep going psy seems to be an interesting courseso far and I am looking forward to listening to some of the lectures. thinking/ I don't know what else I am supposed to type about so I am going to write words that don't mean anything to me I miss my mom and my family and I miss my exboyfeind even though we had a bad breakup, I don't know if this is approriate for this assigninment or not but I sometimes I think that my thoughts go in weird directions and I think abnormal thoughts that people don't usually think about but then again I am just another teenager who is full of life and evenerygy anf I I someimtes wish that my teenage days were over and I could then setlle down and do something useful with myselfv but I love being young I wouldnt give this up for the world and to know that in a couple of years I am going to be off doing sothing that will whats the word I am looking for effect, thats it, the rest of my life and the way that I live and the people I will be freiends with and the people I will work for what exactly do I have to do to make things work out for me/ what exactly do I have to prove to people to show them that I deserve respect and a good life/ I think this typing is a waste of my time because I am not even getting anything done and I haVE so miuch reading to do and I have better things to do than to type this and no one is even going ot read this it angers me that I have to spnend 20 mins on something no one is even going to look at there are about 600 people in my class and I doiubt anyone will know who I am for a long time f even ever. I wish that I never sined up for this classs as a freshman. I wish I could go home and not be stuck in a place like this and I wish things could change for me. I don't know how I am supposed to think about the way I think. I think thats stupid no one understans fully how the brain works. no one will ever understand the way I work and I wish they would all stop trying. I live my life for everyone else iu thats wrong, but I can't ever live up to any expectauions and it upsets me. I will most likely grow up to become a psyco! thats all. I'm stopping now. Jennifer Nguyen
Emotions: Frustration | Openness: High | I don't know what exactly I am supposed to write about. and I think about how much time I spend trying to perfect everything in my classes, but when does that ever go through. I think that there is so much to do and I have no time to do it it. the stress keeps growing and growing. I am a bad typer so this won't be as long as it should be biut I don't really care I keep fixing my mistakes even thoigh I know I am not supposed to I thik that my hand will start to hurt really soon after so much typeing that I am going to inevitablly have to take a break soon but I ll just keep going psy seems to be an interesting courseso far and I am looking forward to listening to some of the lectures. thinking/ I don't know what else I am supposed to type about so I am going to write words that don't mean anything to me I miss my mom and my family and I miss my exboyfeind even though we had a bad breakup, I don't know if this is approriate for this assigninment or not but I sometimes I think that my thoughts go in weird directions and I think abnormal thoughts that people don't usually think about but then again I am just another teenager who is full of life and evenerygy anf I I someimtes wish that my teenage days were over and I could then setlle down and do something useful with myselfv but I love being young I wouldnt give this up for the world and to know that in a couple of years I am going to be off doing sothing that will whats the word I am looking for effect, thats it, the rest of my life and the way that I live and the people I will be freiends with and the people I will work for what exactly do I have to do to make things work out for me/ what exactly do I have to prove to people to show them that I deserve respect and a good life/ I think this typing is a waste of my time because I am not even getting anything done and I haVE so miuch reading to do and I have better things to do than to type this and no one is even going ot read this it angers me that I have to spnend 20 mins on something no one is even going to look at there are about 600 people in my class and I doiubt anyone will know who I am for a long time f even ever. I wish that I never sined up for this classs as a freshman. I wish I could go home and not be stuck in a place like this and I wish things could change for me. I don't know how I am supposed to think about the way I think. I think thats stupid no one understans fully how the brain works. no one will ever understand the way I work and I wish they would all stop trying. I live my life for everyone else iu thats wrong, but I can't ever live up to any expectauions and it upsets me. I will most likely grow up to become a psyco! thats all. I'm stopping now. Jennifer Nguyen | Emotions | Frustration | Openness | High |
2000_966826.txt | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.
Thinking styles: Rational thinking | Neuroticism: low | It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much. | Thinking styles | Rational thinking | Neuroticism | low |
2003_392.txt | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye.
Emotions: Empathy | Agreeableness: High | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye. | Emotions | Empathy | Agreeableness | High |
2002_091020.txt | Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy
Emotions: Empathy | Agreeableness: high | Okay, I thought right now would be the best time to do this. I'm alone and can think aobut what's going on. These last couple of weeks and been great as in school wise but my personal life has been shitty. We got into a wreck where alcohol was involved and the thing was the driver was designated and had nothing to drink and it was the other guys fault. Somehow with our parents we though we could cover it up aobut the alcohol but they found out aobut everything. This is all that keeps playing over and over right now. Where did we mess up? Well the past is the past and you can't change it. My dad came down and was very disappointed. He didn't know I had been drinknig for 1 and half years now and I don't evne get drunk. I get a buzz and I'm good. I have a few drinks every now and then not even all the time. For some reason he doesn't beleive it. He was furious. He's always trusted me for everything and never thought I'd mess up like this. I do good in school graduated top 2% of my class and everything. I have always done good in school and put school first jsut like my parents taught me too. I never wanted to disappoint my parents. I kept it so none of my little mess-ups would ever reach them. So they would think of me as they saw me everyday. This last senior year I started going to parties and hanging out with different people. I'm a real easy going person. The way I think is that I don't care aobut anything. I let things happen. I make the decisions that I think are right at the time and let whatever happen. I like to make people happy. I'm one of those people that when someone is arguing aobut something I let them argue and win. If they think they are right than they feel good. As for me I don't care. I know I'm right or wrong and I let it be, as lngo as their happy it's all good. So aobut the drinknig I have no idea what lead me to it. I used to be a very shy and not really outgonig person. Everyone liked me but I never tlaked oir anything but people knew me just because I was the only Indian at my school and I was easy gonig and friendly. I hate no one, I think everyone has a good side as long as they don't screw me over. Once someone screws me over than I don't like them but until then I try to get along with everyone. Well I guess that's why I staretd drinkngi to get my shyness away. Very bad excuse, I know. My dad thinks it's peer pressure. Peer pressure has never gotten to me I odn't think. I have a strong will about serious things. If I think it's bad and will do something to me I don't like than I won't do it. I tried weed too because I wanted to know the feeling and after researching that it won't cause damage liek other drugs. I tried smokngi cigars and cigarettes jsut to try it and I have astma so I decdie that wasn't for me. I never did really like the idea aobut smokngi. So so I decdied to stick to drinking because after a couple of times I liked the feeling. It was something different to get awya kind of form reality and really let yourslef go but at the same time still know what your doing. My mind goes from one thing to another right now jsut cause of my dad. My mom doesn't know anything which she would probably cry if she found out and that would make me the guiltiest person ever. I would hate that. My dad I don't know. As I sit here thikngi aobut him I feel more and mroe sorry. He came yesterday and gave me a lecture and I said I wouldn't dirnk anymroe but in a way that didn't sound half-true because I couldn't be sincere I thought it was bullshit. A few drinks every now and then can't hurt. Well I know it can but still it's weird I don't know how to explain. Well he came today again and tried to have anothe rone on one. Me and my dad rarely talk I talk to my mom aobut my problems, so I got angry this afternoon and totally went off when he asked me if I was still going to dirnk and if I had done any other drugs. He doesn't trust me me anymore. That hurts the worst. I'm not a eprson to show my feelings ever because I l;iek to think things thorugh. Right now I feel very guilty. I totally blew my dad off this afternoon and I saw the hurt in his eyes and my dad is rarely a person to show his feelings. I guess I get it from him. It's weird. So now I'mthinkngi aobut how I can make it up. I got a e-mail from one of my ex-best friend that's a gurl. We tried gonig out but it didn't work and then firendship fell thorugh too. But somehow we're still really close even thoguh we don't talk to each other anymore. My dad was discussing me with his best friends who is the girl's father. She said I sohuld stop drinknig and that my dad was really hurt. For some reason I still lsiten ot her so I'm reallyt thikngi abut callnig my dad and saying sorry and sincerely saying that I'm going to stop drinknig. I really do want to stop now. I know I can stop if I put my mind to it. I don't need alcohol anymore. One night can ruin the next 6 years haha. It's crazy | Emotions | Empathy | Agreeableness | high |
1998_979711.txt | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems.
Social Awareness: Social discomfort | Extraversion: Low | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. | Social Awareness | Social discomfort | Extraversion | Low |
2004_262.txt | Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now.
Emotions: Anxiety | Openness: high | Well I am just sitting in my room on a rainy labor day, all my roommates are either out of town or napping so it's really quiet in here, which is actually really nice considering I hardly ever get alone time to just sit and think about stuff. Too bad that I have so much reading today and preparation for the bible study I will be leading for kappa that I have little time to rest I really have trouble relaxing once school starts up because I have so much going on that I feel guilty if I am not always being productive. I know that I need to take time every day just to sit with God and tell him what is going on in my mind. So that's what I want to do with this exercise I am going to type everything I think about but it is going to be in the form of a prayer to God. I hate that I feel like I constantly need to be watching my money, or what I eat, or anything else in my life that gives me a sense of control and like I am making wise decisions, why is it so hard for me to accept my screw ups? I know I human, and that I am sinful and that I can't do anything on my own. So I don't know why I get disappointed in my failures, why should I expect anything else??? I feel pretty guilty about how much time I put into some of my relationships as well, like I wish I was there for Lauren F. more and really was keeping up better with how she is doing and holding her accountable. Please give me the time and desire to talk to her and pray for her. I also really need your help in not letting the devil get a foothold in my thought life, I need you to make me aware of when I start to count calories (eaten or burnt!) or when I start to keep a constant tab on how much I spend or what people owe me. Lord I want to see every blessing in my life as a gift from you and not as something I deserve because I know that I do not! I also know that I need to take a nap this afternoon if I want to get any work done later so I pray that I would be able to do that as well. I have so much stuff going on that it can really make me lose sight of what's important. YOU and my family and friends and everyone else in my life. Lord I want to see everyone in my life as a divine appointment. I feel really excited about this year but it's discouraging when I can already see myself getting caught up in the unimportant stuff. I really want to crawl into bed right now and get some sleep instead of finishing this assignment, but what can you do! I hate that I was so irritable with my mom and dad this weekend and really hope that they can fix the problem they're having communicating, I am also so worried about David, MP, and Nancy, I just want them to see that all the worldly pleasures they are looking to escape the sadness of a broken home will never fill that void and that they desperately need to know you Lord, and understand your love for them. I wish I knew what to expect on this PHL test coming up on Thursday, but there I go again with wanting to know things before the right timing. I am worried that I am not studying for my classes as dedicatedly as I should be but I know that I am doing the best I can and they shouldn't be consuming my life. I am so glad I got to spend time with ford this weekend and I really hope that he doesn't have a flight delay because of the rain here and in Atlanta because I know he has a lot he needs to do when he gets back. But I know he was supposed to be here this weekend and I am so glad that he got to talk to Chris last night and really hope that he calls to tell me what they talked about. I feel a little anxious right now about getting all my work done today and for some silly reason I am really upset that the tuna fish I bought and that 7up drink turned out to be busts, because that cost what, maybe $4???? come on Louise you are so cheap get over it!!! surprisingly I am not really nervous about bible study tomorrow night but I know that I need to be really giving that to you and I really hope it doesn't all hit me at once tomorrow. I am really hot so I had to go turn on the fan. I wonder when becca and Martha are getting back, is it wrong that I kind of like that they aren't around right now? Why is it that I like to be alone so much, is it selfishness??? I am kind of worried about Kyle maybe liking me, I really don't want him to, because I really love having him as a friend and I really don't know what makes me think that he might want something more but for some reason I've been getting that vibe lately so I really hope that I can act in a way that doesn't lead him on but that is still nice. Man that 7up stuff I got is disgusting!!! why do I always try those things. Healthy soft drinks?!?! what a joke!!! of course it's going to taste awful. I really hate that I am always feeling like I need to be repaid when I do something for someone I mean seriously! why can't I just give out of love and show like grace like Christ did to us??? I am really excited about this PSYCH class though because it'll be cool to see if this is really the direction god wants me to go for my career. I am so glad to have this day off to rest and catch up in studies and for the 12 hours of sleep I got on Saturday I really need to get rest because I know I don't get nearly enough, help me allow more time for sleep and rest in my schedule because obviously you didn't make us require so much sleep for nothing! I just wish I would enjoy it I pray that I could have a peace so that I could sleep right now. | Emotions | Anxiety | Openness | high |
2003_392.txt | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye.
Thinking styles: Introverted Thinking | Extraversion: Low | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye. | Thinking styles | Introverted Thinking | Extraversion | Low |
2000_556394.txt | Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up.
Social Awareness: Social Adaptation | Openness: High | Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. | Social Awareness | Social Adaptation | Openness | High |
1999_673541.txt | Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already.
Emotions: Anxiety | Neuroticism: High | Right now I am feeling very stressed out with all of the work and reading that my professors have given me. In my Language of the Stage class my teacher gave my about 60 pages to read and take notes from and we have to discuss the reading this Friday. It has alredy taken me a good long while to take notes on the first 17 pages. I don't know how I am going to read the rest. I am almost thinking that I should just not do it but if I did that I would feel very guilty about myself for not doing it. So I think that I am going to be pulling an all nighter trying to finish reading and taking noes on the materials. I just think that the work he put on us is a little harsh. That is a lot of work. Now my best friend from home was going to come stay with me one night this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her since we both left for school, but now she is not coming but all of her friends that go to school with her now are going to come. I am so upset because I really wanted to see her. She is going back home to see her family instead. I know that she wanted to come stay with me but she just couldn't but I really wanted her here because I know that we would have had so much fun together and I wanted her to meet all of my friends. Oh well, I know that she will come to see me soon I hope. Well so far I have had a really good time here at school. I have become friends with a lot of cool people and my sister is here also. The only problem is that I have been going ouit almost every single night and it is really wearing me down. It's like I wnat to make good grades in school but I also want to go out and meet new people. I am also a Pi Phi here and so there is always something we have to do during the week. I really need to cut back on going out all the time and try to get some good sleep. I also need to start working out again because I don't want to gain weight and I am really afraid about that. I also want to work out just so that I feel good about myself and feel like I have done something productive for the day. I hate feeling like a slob and that is what I have felt like lately. Well I am having so much fun but I really miss my friends that aren't here. Only a couple of my friends are here but I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know everyone even though it can be hard when you don't know many people already. | Emotions | Anxiety | Neuroticism | High |
2000_952391.txt | I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself "wow, this will be fun". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, "man, SHE's late". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, "man. it's too early in the year to be starting this". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule "never talk to strangers?" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good.
Emotions: Comfort | Extraversion: high | I'm really use to writing for long periods of time straight and not stop. I keep a little diary myself and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever they overwhelm me. I suppose it's some sort of stress release because I always feel better afterwards. Writing in my diary has allowed me to express my feelings and emotions onto paper. This way, it's easy for me to look at it and then maybe figure out how I am to deal with the emotions. Some things I write about are problems with my relationships with other people. One entry I wrote just recently was about a problem with this guy. There was just so much pressure on me from this guy that liked me that I couldn't really stand it anymore. He told me he liked me, and I suppose he expected me to just like him back. Don't get me wrong, he is a good friend of mine. Maybe that's why it was so hard. But anyways, I was able to express my contained feelings into my diary. It really did help a lot. When I first heard of this assignment on writing for 20 minutes straight without stopping I thought to myself "wow, this will be fun". My roommate, on the other hand groaned and said she would never be able to do something like that. She says there's just not that much to write about. I told her how she could just write bout her day or whatever. 20 minutes goes by pretty quickly if you think about it. It's already been about 5 minutes since I started. I'm typing kind of fast. I suppose it's the flow of the words. Since there's no really structure on this assignment, I can write without thinking too much. I had a pretty harsh day today. Didn't set my alarm clock, thus I woke up 10 minutes before my first class started. And my teacher Is a real stickler for this timing thing. She wants us in our seats and ready to go by the time class starts. That is usually what I would do, but today, I really couldn't do much about that. I hate walking into class late. There's only about 500 zillion people that look at you when you walk in. And you know what they're thinking, "man, SHE's late". I don't like that feeling. Well after the lecture (which I understood very well) I had to go back home because I hadn't brushed my teeth or anything yet. The whole way back I was thinking, "man. it's too early in the year to be starting this". But I got over it. Told my friends and laughed at it for a little bit. That's one of the reasons I love having my old friends here at UT. There's always someone there for you. It's like bringing a little bit of home with you. I live with one of my old friends from high school and she's an awesome roommate. Her boyfriend is also one of my good friends. And his roommate is the guy that I mentioned earlier. that likes me. Then I have many other old friends that are hear with me, and it just makes me feel more safe and comfortable. But I know I need to make other friends and I do. I like to just talk to people I don't know. You know that old rule "never talk to strangers?" Well, I don't follow that one too well. It's always nice to meet new people. They can always share new things with you that you couldn't get if you just stayed with your comfort zone. I like to venture out and make friends and do new things. People that don't like to do that, I feel, are too closed and unwilling to experiment and find out. It's scary being here. A brand new place with all these HUGE buildings towering above. Scattering around like ants looking for classes. In Houston, we have big buildings and classes too, but, everything is so familiar there. I miss it, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere but here right now. I love the new atmosphere and environment UT provides. There are so many things to do. I'm enjoying it a lot. Maybe that's why I don't really feel a whole lot of stress with the new classes and deadlines and everything. I guess in happy here and that's what's most important to me. All the other things I can deal with as long as I'm feeling good. | Emotions | Comfort | Extraversion | high |
1999_065414.txt | I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes? Am I making the right choices in my relationship? I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do? My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out? I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially? How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition? Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money? And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend? Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much? I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like? Am I going to be another insignificant person? Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh? I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces? No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper? Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean? InsignificantF!!! Why so pessimistic Hai? Damn, what happened to the old you? I guess things change huh? I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all? Didn't you say that you wanted to start over? HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up.
Emotions: Anxiety | Openness: High | I'm just wondering how everything is going to work out, I mean, how is my relationship going to work out if she's in Cali and I'm in TExas. Well, I guess it shouldn't matter that much cause I should be thinking about school. Damn, this place gives me the creeps. No one that I can really talk to. How is anyone going to survive here. Gosh, I miss my baby. Am I making the right choices here in classes? Am I making the right choices in my relationship? I mean, if it doesn't work out, then what am I going to do? My relationship . man, I'm confused. This place is big. This university is big. How am I going to stand out? I haven't met any new friends, not very many. My room mate also sucks. I have no money. That's another thing, how am I going to survive financially? How am I to get enough money to support my college tuition? Mom and dad can't provide the whole thing and financial aid won't cover it all. How am I to make up the rest of the money? And if I do get a job, how am I to balance my job and school at the same time. Gee, and how come I keep thinking of my girlfriend? Damn, everything goes back to her. I can't believe the time I spend thinking of her. This is hopeless. I can't believe I'm even doing this relationship thing. Damn, my head hurts. I hope I'm doing this assignment right. If not, then I'm in trouble. what a way to start out college. Man, I have a headache. I wonder if I'm dying. Ha, I wonder if I'm dying all the time. I wonder if I make myself sick by thinking about that so much? I hope I don't get fat. I hope this college thing doesn't' make me fat and I hope that this whole college thing works out. I don't want to waste anymore of my parent's money. I don't even know what I'm doing here in college. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do, or how the future's going to be like. Maybe I'm scaring myself. I think about this stuff too much when I should be out doing something about it. I feel so lazy and so useless. So insignificant. Is this what the real world going to be like? Am I going to be another insignificant person? Gosh, my head hurts. Everyone in this room looks dead. Everyone looks like they've been drained of their energy. Man, it's been only 14 minutes and I am writing a bunch of crap. Ha, I guess this is stream of conscience writing huh? I guess it means to just talk to yourself. How come I don't see any familiar faces? No one here is a familiar face to me. I thought I knew a lot of people but damn, I know no one. I hope things get better. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I want to go home for a while. Jester's food is getting old and I miss my parents. I just miss having nothing to do. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I can't keep thinking like this. I'm not lazy. Think positive buddy. Ha, I'm talking to myself again. I wonder what the professor's going to think about this paper? Oh well, out of 500 some odd students in a class, I don't' think anyone's going to get to this paper. See what I mean? InsignificantF!!! Why so pessimistic Hai? Damn, what happened to the old you? I guess things change huh? I guess things are never going to be the same. Didn't you say you wanted to go to college to get away from it all? Didn't you say that you wanted to start over? HEre's your chance buddy. Take the risk. BE yourself. Meet people. Make yourself a significant part of something. Don't just dissapear. oh, times up. | Emotions | Anxiety | Openness | High |
2004_286.txt | At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days.
Thinking styles: Compassionate | Agreeableness: high | At this very moment I feel anoyed and somewhat angry at what I see everyday. For example, there was a notice on my apartment door that I read after coming home from school. It stated that there was a homicide in the apartment complex. about 3 days ago there was another notice that warned about an armed robbery nearby. When I ride the Ut shuttle busses to school, I notice that now a days there is no sense of courtesy, nobody thanks the driver and students don't even bother to notice traffic when crossing streets. everyone is too caught up in their own little worlds to even show some form of humane decency. I don't know why I get angry when I think of this, maybe I pay too much attention to things I shouldn't. I have always disliked people but loved individuals, but what can be done to improve or avoid ignorence bbut to simply choose not to act irrational. enough of that. Now I am beggining to think of all the things I must do. I feel rather confused because I don't know if I should quite my job. It is not easy at all to be a full time student and work over 30 hours a week as a waiter at Antonios Tex Mex. On top of that, I just moved from apartment complexes, and I have not completely finished orginizing my stuff at my new apartment. There is an empty Burger King bag infront of me and I feel guilty. You see about 1 year and 5 months ago, I used to be very fit, I mean I had it all. I'm 6 ft. tall, and during that time, I weighed about 200 lbs but out of pure muscle, I was scorching hot. That is around the time I meat my girlfriend (I hope you don't think this is cheesy) and so we got together; about five months passed, and I just ballooned into 265 lbs. The reason I stated earlier that I felt guilty for eating the burger was because I am trying to get back in shape. And I also feel bad because I know that my partner worries about my health. But I do get satisfaction and happiness due to the choices I've made in my life, I chose to stay in school and never do drugs, also I have a person who has been with me in great times as well as tough times, and has had love for me in my horrible looking days as much as in my good looking days. | Thinking styles | Compassionate | Agreeableness | high |
1999_742385.txt | Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of "lava" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a ". amp". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment? -Shawn
Emotions: Impulsivity | Conscientiousness: Low | Jeez, I had been typing for like at least fifteen minutes and I hit the damn escape button and everything erased from the scrteen. I hit the undo button and that got everythgnbackbuyt I wanted to make sure that it wass the escxapre button and in hit undo again after hitting ht eescxape button ahd everything leeft and shit thie really suck I am now pretty annnouyed. I had so much written and it was prertry good stuff because I t let me sse how much imy mind wantedre when I thought for a constant peroiod of time no wmy typhen really susicsks because I am tying to gype as cfast as I can because I wanta tho get ghitthighs thing ovoer with sasa cffasat as I can . what I was talaking about at one pint in the fisrst on ewas how I have tigns keypaboard, or keyboards in genereal brecause I has a wrist rest on the keyboark onand that was annoynt aoso I took it off and I stareted to yepye faster and with abetter accurary buye you oculdn't tell now because I am tyyping so fast that my saccuarcy has diminincdhsed to the poing youi may thingk I rally su suck iat typoien. it probably looks prtetty bad right now I can't tell because I am ilooking at the kyboark rightnow. I have trouble hitting the t keyp I have to actually think aobut it comparedk to the a key with which I don't' havae to thnk. whoa I just looked at the screen and I feel soty if anyone is ogint o reaad this or attemptot read thins. that really sucks that this may not even bget read becsause they have at least 5oo peopel in the clasese so they will most assuredly do a random check o fhw how sdid the wirithing. they will peobably do only maybe 20 or sp eopelle tecause they want ot know if they did or irt just hit the submit button right below thi sbig plain srcren. I am listing to peopaer jam music right nao and one of my favcorigte soinbgs is palyong righ tno. I forgot the name ifo the sone, actually it ic call hail hiail. it is a cool song and I thingk t was on their yield cd. I am not fully sure. we have thhos lava lapmp in our dorm aroom and I was messing with it w few time s and I thougyth I scrwed it uip. I turned it upside down ad mnesses it up. w had to turn it off for a few hours and it wasb back to normak and me bieng the guy how likes to mess woith things as the incident I descrived at the beginning or this twinety minute thihng hsows, I shork it to s3ew hat would happen. agfain it screwed up and we had to run it ofof for some time. then it went back to normal but it was on the ground ani accidently knocked it over. then it got sxtereed up again and we rurned it off for a longer peroid of time this time pbecause it was pretty sucrewed up . an dthere wasa a hazy ol==k. like thatrewas a lot of "lava" floaiting around moile molecules and itwas wn't inin the big bunch it supposed to be. we left it off overnihght and it went back to noerla. we turned the loight s out last night and forgot to gturn the lava lamp off and it was n't even that brignth. not very bright for a ". amp". I didnt mind it bieng on but my romate w anted it off. je ,ist b e smsatovbe tp ;ogjt/ ech! that looks like jibberish. my s=f9ngers shifted to the right one and tghat looked pretty bad. that is preyy weird hw if you have yoru hand mis poistioned a few centimetere, you can type still but youlook like a copetel fool and you may mistaken for a retard! notr that I am making fun o fhtem but that is a simple fact. people arelso eager to ump on you osometimes in theis world. oh well. aginatot his keyboar thingk. it may be better for meif I buy the microsoft natural keyboard which is split in the middle of the keyboark ins is uposed ot be more ergonomically correct. I have microsoft mousn and it fits in the palmiof my hand. wheni went home and used the mouse there it felt really bac. I wonder how much I hav e yped how. I'll type until the end of this sone, which is now daughter. this is a longer versoin than on the original cd. this is a perarl jam live cd. it is called live on two legs or something like hat. h==I also have this orhter prearl jam cd live xcd. it is a live cd recorded from a conceret in italy. it is pretty cool and I was albe to herar new songs befoere then came out on future. cds. there is a new version of jeremy on it, but I don't' knowi f I likwe it becausei don't remembver it. I really likde hat song some peplse it isn't a song my pearly jam, bu a comver of someone selases osong I thingk with slight differences in the lyrics. ithe lyrics are soo grue becas it is like somepeople don't have mno mind, some people aridiots and stuflike that. reminds me of someoenp in knwo. as you can see if you look at the to of my text here, youwill notice that my speling has gotten better. I have actually slowed down my typing soem because I am not as ticked off as I was when I started typoing. man was I tyicked. so for you psychologists our there who may actuyally read this, my aggravation slowed down because my mind went else where because I got so in tuen wit writign thing assignment. is this evenb an asisghment? -Shawn | Emotions | Impulsivity | Conscientiousness | Low |
2004_345.txt | I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say?
Emotions: Curiosity | Openness: High | I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say? | Emotions | Curiosity | Openness | High |
1997_530565.txt | I don't want to be in ROTC, but I have to strive for a scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me through all four years in college. I need money!! I hat ROTC. it's so stupid. Left face. Right Face. Bullshit. I don't want to be in the military. But to save my parents money I guess I'm going to have to put up with it. Oh well. Man I can't believe I slept I mean overslept through Nursing. I was there for only the last fifteen minutes of class. That makes two classes that I missed. Chemistry Lab and now this. I have to make straight A's I have to. I must succeed. My parents worked hard to see that I do. Damn it. I would be perfectly happy living in a small apartment working as a waitress well may be not a waitress. May be a teacher . Anything . I don't care how much money I make. But I owe it tom my parents. I'm not going to be like my brother. Damn I need to buy some shoe polish and some brasso for ROTC. Gaw I hate ROTC. I'm already taking fifteen hours plus four more hours or is it 3? of ROTC. That is too much for a freakin freshman. At least to me it is. Man twelve more minutes to go. I hate my roommate. She's such a bitch. She's a pig too. She ate all of my peaches. I said she could have one not twenty. I'm tired of techno music. I like rap and r&b. They don't play that shit down here. I wish Sabrina would hurry up. I'm hungry. I'm so stressed. I need a break. Summer was too short. I miss Louis. I miss sex. I need sex. That'll relieve my stress. But I can't do that. It's against my morals. Yeah right. Why don't I have sex? There are so many guys around here that would be more than willing to have sex with me. I'm so damn attractive. I'm like a magnet. I think that's the only thing really going for me. My looks. But that sure ain't going to last. I need to start concentrating on getting my mind fit instead of my body all the time. I wish I was as smart as other people. I want to be a pediatrician. No actually I want to be a veterinarian. But oh well. May be some other lifetime. Hopefully she or he would be more prepared than I was. I love Louis, but do I want to marry him. Will he be faithful to me. Does he really love me? I love his son so much. Perrion. Perrion. I love Perrion. I wish I could see him. I love him more than his father. I would do anything for that little boy. Damn I hate the mother. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, except for her. Shelly Malley. I hate her. No I don't hate anyone. I'm such a nice person. I couldn't hurt a soul. That night I could've pounded her ass, but I didn't. I have self control and I have maturity. But damn it would have felt so good just to break her face. I miss Leona. I can't believe she didn't want to spend any time with me when I came down to visit. That hurt so bad. I loved that girl. She was like a sister to me. What happened? My loved ones are leaving me left and right. Soon daddy is going to pass away. No. I don't want you to daddy. I love you so much. Why can't god give some one else his pain and suffering. He doesn't deserve it god. Give it to fucking Charles Manson or that guy that killed that little girl in Killeen. But not my daddy. It's not fair. Okay 20 minutes passed. I'm done.
Emotions: Anger | Extraversion: Low | I don't want to be in ROTC, but I have to strive for a scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me through all four years in college. I need money!! I hat ROTC. it's so stupid. Left face. Right Face. Bullshit. I don't want to be in the military. But to save my parents money I guess I'm going to have to put up with it. Oh well. Man I can't believe I slept I mean overslept through Nursing. I was there for only the last fifteen minutes of class. That makes two classes that I missed. Chemistry Lab and now this. I have to make straight A's I have to. I must succeed. My parents worked hard to see that I do. Damn it. I would be perfectly happy living in a small apartment working as a waitress well may be not a waitress. May be a teacher . Anything . I don't care how much money I make. But I owe it tom my parents. I'm not going to be like my brother. Damn I need to buy some shoe polish and some brasso for ROTC. Gaw I hate ROTC. I'm already taking fifteen hours plus four more hours or is it 3? of ROTC. That is too much for a freakin freshman. At least to me it is. Man twelve more minutes to go. I hate my roommate. She's such a bitch. She's a pig too. She ate all of my peaches. I said she could have one not twenty. I'm tired of techno music. I like rap and r&b. They don't play that shit down here. I wish Sabrina would hurry up. I'm hungry. I'm so stressed. I need a break. Summer was too short. I miss Louis. I miss sex. I need sex. That'll relieve my stress. But I can't do that. It's against my morals. Yeah right. Why don't I have sex? There are so many guys around here that would be more than willing to have sex with me. I'm so damn attractive. I'm like a magnet. I think that's the only thing really going for me. My looks. But that sure ain't going to last. I need to start concentrating on getting my mind fit instead of my body all the time. I wish I was as smart as other people. I want to be a pediatrician. No actually I want to be a veterinarian. But oh well. May be some other lifetime. Hopefully she or he would be more prepared than I was. I love Louis, but do I want to marry him. Will he be faithful to me. Does he really love me? I love his son so much. Perrion. Perrion. I love Perrion. I wish I could see him. I love him more than his father. I would do anything for that little boy. Damn I hate the mother. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, except for her. Shelly Malley. I hate her. No I don't hate anyone. I'm such a nice person. I couldn't hurt a soul. That night I could've pounded her ass, but I didn't. I have self control and I have maturity. But damn it would have felt so good just to break her face. I miss Leona. I can't believe she didn't want to spend any time with me when I came down to visit. That hurt so bad. I loved that girl. She was like a sister to me. What happened? My loved ones are leaving me left and right. Soon daddy is going to pass away. No. I don't want you to daddy. I love you so much. Why can't god give some one else his pain and suffering. He doesn't deserve it god. Give it to fucking Charles Manson or that guy that killed that little girl in Killeen. But not my daddy. It's not fair. Okay 20 minutes passed. I'm done. | Emotions | Anger | Extraversion | Low |
2002_665348.txt | so , i am supposed to write what i think. thats sorat hard, because everytime you think a thought, it has disappeared by the time you have finished wirrint it. but at the moment i would like to talk about the one thing that is on lmy mind: my mother yes, she is my mother, and yes, she is extremely overprotective. but i am in COLLEGE now . that is a wee different than high school in the sense that you have ot be. o whats the word. . independent will do. yea you have to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, be yoursefl. except if your mother is preventing you from doing that, what are you supposed to do? if she doesnt let you come home later than whatever time she setss (which by the way is not very late at all) then you are basically in 9th grade again. do this, do that. and the worst part is, she never directly states what is on her mind. she starts out by asking questions. where were you all this time? i was worrying? why didnt you tell me? i did ma. i don't remember well thats too bad . i have to go tomorrow as well where? when? till what time? who what where when why and how, she might as well be a journalist. she instilled morals and values on me. doesnt she trust her own upbringing? doesnt she trust me? trust is anothe issue and overprotectiveness is another. or at least i think she is being overprotective. maybe to her indian standards she is extremely liberal. maybe. but this isnt india! this is the us, land of freedom. not that i'm going to go off and elope with some pierced stranger. i just want some privacy, some freedom. and most of all i want to move out. that in itself would solve so many problems. first of all, i wouldnt have to listen to her critisizing me one moment and loving methe next. she also would be liberated from my constant bickering and un called for interruptions. i wouldnt be too far away and yet not close enough to be distracted. everytime i try to study, she comes in every 15 to 20 mts. unless of course if she is taking a nap of 3 hours or so. but i feel guilty. i feel guilty for the way i am thinking. she deserves that nap, every second of it. if i worked as hard as she does, i would be half unconscious by now. but she finds time for a full time job, for being a single mother, for paying bills, for making food, for everything you would want a mother to do, as well as everything you wish she wouldnt do. she is the epitome of motherhood, in all its glory and grime. she has her pro's and cons, and i love her for that. but sometimes she can be a real pain. enought about her, i still have 12 minutes of writing left. what can i write about. lets see, college. yes college is most definitely on my mind at the moment, because i am doing a college assignment. i also have a bunch of homework to do after this and it is already 10 pm. i am not too good at doing all nighters. the latest i have slept is 5 am. and that was not study related. that was lets have a girl cousin talk thing. but that aside, college seems to be hard, but not as hard as i had thought it to be. i am not completely clueless as to what is beingsaid in my classes, but at the same time, i am quite amazed at the amount of reading that has to be done. its not the reading actually, its the note taking that is required in intense detail and that takes up a whole lot of time. i am trying to think of what to think and it isnt working too well, so i'll just write about my family. well theres my brother and i could go on and on about him. personally i think he's a spoiled brat. he has as much potential as his fourteen yr old cerebrum can handle, but that potential is over ridden by his spoiled bratedness. he is plain spoiled , by my mother mostly. when i was his age ( now why does that sound so familiar. . i am not that old, am i?) i was super disciplined by my father; the beatings, the cruel and unusual punishments, the whole package. yes, so i think i am definitely more responsible. whereas my younger sibling, he has the disadvantage of being not only a spoiled brat, but an extremely lazy spoiled brat. he reads a lot, and thats pretty much the only good thing about him. another controversial curse in the form of a blessing is that he can phase out the rebukes of my mother. now one minute ago i was critisizing him and now i'm commending him, but not really. it only seems to be a boon at certain times, like if i really did not want to hear my mother tell me how all the other girls my age are doing jobs and iam sitting around and my legs are gettin fat andn how i should exercise more. because she has already said it 10 times that week and wishes to say it once more, as if i couldnt hear her say it 10 times, whereas i actually could. that didnt sound like it made sense. but yea. this stream of consciousness thing, i did it in senior yr ap english. my teacher, mrs. lydic was one . . uh. . unique lady. she was somewhat crazy in the sense that she drank unbelievely outrageous amounts of coffee and had this almost supernatural smirk/ smile on her face. and her hair was always the exact same way. side parting with a big dome of hair on the top. yes i sound so shallow in this callow description of her physical faults, but it was that mingled with her personality that made the ap english experience not really unpleasant, but unusual. so after i discovered that i had to do a stream of consciousness paper in psychology i thought, i can never get rid of lydic. she will always be there. not that thats a bad thing. i suppose it is thanks to her ( and my own diligent efforts) that i got a 4 on the english literature advanced placement exam. but now i have less than 30 secons left and i would just like to say, this soc paper didnt really provide a catharsis for me.
Emotions: Annoyance | Conscientiousness: Medium | so , i am supposed to write what i think. thats sorat hard, because everytime you think a thought, it has disappeared by the time you have finished wirrint it. but at the moment i would like to talk about the one thing that is on lmy mind: my mother yes, she is my mother, and yes, she is extremely overprotective. but i am in COLLEGE now . that is a wee different than high school in the sense that you have ot be. o whats the word. . independent will do. yea you have to think for yourself, stand up for yourself, be yoursefl. except if your mother is preventing you from doing that, what are you supposed to do? if she doesnt let you come home later than whatever time she setss (which by the way is not very late at all) then you are basically in 9th grade again. do this, do that. and the worst part is, she never directly states what is on her mind. she starts out by asking questions. where were you all this time? i was worrying? why didnt you tell me? i did ma. i don't remember well thats too bad . i have to go tomorrow as well where? when? till what time? who what where when why and how, she might as well be a journalist. she instilled morals and values on me. doesnt she trust her own upbringing? doesnt she trust me? trust is anothe issue and overprotectiveness is another. or at least i think she is being overprotective. maybe to her indian standards she is extremely liberal. maybe. but this isnt india! this is the us, land of freedom. not that i'm going to go off and elope with some pierced stranger. i just want some privacy, some freedom. and most of all i want to move out. that in itself would solve so many problems. first of all, i wouldnt have to listen to her critisizing me one moment and loving methe next. she also would be liberated from my constant bickering and un called for interruptions. i wouldnt be too far away and yet not close enough to be distracted. everytime i try to study, she comes in every 15 to 20 mts. unless of course if she is taking a nap of 3 hours or so. but i feel guilty. i feel guilty for the way i am thinking. she deserves that nap, every second of it. if i worked as hard as she does, i would be half unconscious by now. but she finds time for a full time job, for being a single mother, for paying bills, for making food, for everything you would want a mother to do, as well as everything you wish she wouldnt do. she is the epitome of motherhood, in all its glory and grime. she has her pro's and cons, and i love her for that. but sometimes she can be a real pain. enought about her, i still have 12 minutes of writing left. what can i write about. lets see, college. yes college is most definitely on my mind at the moment, because i am doing a college assignment. i also have a bunch of homework to do after this and it is already 10 pm. i am not too good at doing all nighters. the latest i have slept is 5 am. and that was not study related. that was lets have a girl cousin talk thing. but that aside, college seems to be hard, but not as hard as i had thought it to be. i am not completely clueless as to what is beingsaid in my classes, but at the same time, i am quite amazed at the amount of reading that has to be done. its not the reading actually, its the note taking that is required in intense detail and that takes up a whole lot of time. i am trying to think of what to think and it isnt working too well, so i'll just write about my family. well theres my brother and i could go on and on about him. personally i think he's a spoiled brat. he has as much potential as his fourteen yr old cerebrum can handle, but that potential is over ridden by his spoiled bratedness. he is plain spoiled , by my mother mostly. when i was his age ( now why does that sound so familiar. . i am not that old, am i?) i was super disciplined by my father; the beatings, the cruel and unusual punishments, the whole package. yes, so i think i am definitely more responsible. whereas my younger sibling, he has the disadvantage of being not only a spoiled brat, but an extremely lazy spoiled brat. he reads a lot, and thats pretty much the only good thing about him. another controversial curse in the form of a blessing is that he can phase out the rebukes of my mother. now one minute ago i was critisizing him and now i'm commending him, but not really. it only seems to be a boon at certain times, like if i really did not want to hear my mother tell me how all the other girls my age are doing jobs and iam sitting around and my legs are gettin fat andn how i should exercise more. because she has already said it 10 times that week and wishes to say it once more, as if i couldnt hear her say it 10 times, whereas i actually could. that didnt sound like it made sense. but yea. this stream of consciousness thing, i did it in senior yr ap english. my teacher, mrs. lydic was one . . uh. . unique lady. she was somewhat crazy in the sense that she drank unbelievely outrageous amounts of coffee and had this almost supernatural smirk/ smile on her face. and her hair was always the exact same way. side parting with a big dome of hair on the top. yes i sound so shallow in this callow description of her physical faults, but it was that mingled with her personality that made the ap english experience not really unpleasant, but unusual. so after i discovered that i had to do a stream of consciousness paper in psychology i thought, i can never get rid of lydic. she will always be there. not that thats a bad thing. i suppose it is thanks to her ( and my own diligent efforts) that i got a 4 on the english literature advanced placement exam. but now i have less than 30 secons left and i would just like to say, this soc paper didnt really provide a catharsis for me. | Emotions | Annoyance | Conscientiousness | Medium |
1998_930178.txt | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.
Thinking styles: Introverted Thinking | Extraversion: low | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. | Thinking styles | Introverted Thinking | Extraversion | low |
2004_292.txt | hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out
Thinking styles: Expressive Thinking | Extraversion: high | hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out | Thinking styles | Expressive Thinking | Extraversion | high |
1999_876535.txt | ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop.
Emotions: Lack of guilt | Conscientiousness: Low | ok so now I'm writing I'm doing this so I can just juno into the assignment its not very interesting so far and my tyoing is slower than my thinking and I had a completely different thought while I was typing that lst sentence ok now wehat I'm still typing I could talk about myself but it would sound kind of lame. my guitar is out of tune and its missing a locking nut and the pickup selector switch is missing its little decorative cover, I could buy new parts but its kind of depressing right now because I don't have any money and it makes me want to give up guitar even more we played a show last night and screwed up a little more than usual but this guy in the band before us that was pretty good but all the same kind of music pop punk was trying to intimidate me by staring at me it didnt work then but its working now the bass player said we were good but I thiought we were terrible there was no harmony the bass and guitar were out of tune anbd the drummer was playing to a different tune is what it seemed like. the vocals werent so good either. we had to cut ourset by nore than hald wich is especially bad for us sinc we have 14 songs and they are all very distinct, not all pop punk or punk ska but some rockabilly and some primus ounding metal stuff a little emo too. I forget what else oh yeah like old school punk with the snotty vocals well. anyways my dad got mad because I was supposed to help some guy move and I bailed halfway through to go play the show, playing live is like a drug, this time it wasnt so grreat, but weve playeed about 12 or 13 shows and some have been awesome, the crowd going insane because of us were aboutt o lose it any second just trying to hold on to our instruments long enbough to make the next note come out barely even able to keep our feet on the ground. anyways thats all over now because I have to get a job and go to college and theres no time for it ill find other ways to make myself feel good but that was a grweat one and I know my bandmates are depressed about it too. anyways my dad was mad because I did that and left even though I got the 40 bucks and so he's really mad and I don't even feel at home hre, at home asnd I don't feel completely at home in my dorm so I'm restless and it sucks. anyways so thats the whole of that messs and I'm just ttyping now because that whole thing was like one big brain sigh and now I'm breathing normal again. stop. nothing to say. maybe the brain works like that spasms of thought and then kind of a rest. I guess mr pennebaker would know, anyways I smell cinnamon buns and so I'm going to go downstairs for some brakfast and tension and so the food is going to tase bitter, I sort of awant to fgo back to my dorm but I don't really have any friends there yet. oh yeah I was going to go well that was about 20 min stop. | Emotions | Lack of guilt | Conscientiousness | Low |
1998_930178.txt | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that.
Thinking styles: Impulsive Thinking | Conscientiousness: low | not as much concentration, nor as deep a thought. I have always had a problem with being too easily distracted - like now I just lost my train of thought. I try to think about too many things at once and I do not really have a choice about what I think. when I was doin the pretesting I often found that if any question required any thought or recoolection at all I was drawn a blank at it. I simply could not look deeply into what I saw. I have related this problem to many possible sources - this is why I decided that I did not want to smoke marijuana. it is also why I am thinking that I should not smoke. it is possible that smoking could have a depressive effect on the mind. maybe I do not drink enough water, or sleep too little or too much. there really is no way to know for certain. I should probably just lead the best life that I know how instead of the easiest, which is what I do. I know there are things I need to get done, things that I do which are just wasting my time, and things that I know are just plain wrong but I always reason my way around these issues. or rather I just stop myself from thinking about them. it really cannot be good to be like this - I am feeling like I inhaled a little too much glue - actually I am probably just using the computer too much. by continuously focusing on an external source of entertainment right in front of me I feel that I am rotting my brain. this assignment is not helping either because I am not allowed to stop and think about things - once again I am simply functioning on the basest level possible. I like the movie the stand a lot, and I have read the entire book once and the first half two more times. I never really can finish it, but this last time that was because I decided that reading was bad for me. in all honesty, it is probably better for me thatn enything else I do because it might encourage deep thought. I should probably also listen to music without words - one is forced to think deeply with that because there is nothing else really for your mind to do. I listen to the play les miserables all the time now - and it is interesting because it is a very sad play - in a way it makes me sadder than anything. I feel like I would cry if I would ever cry, but I never do. I cry maybe once every year or two, and it is usually for something silly. the last time I cried sincerely was when highschool ended I had just listened to I will remember you, the sound they played at graduation. I also saw grease and st. elmo's fire, both of which remind me of high school. soon after I cried quite a bit over the loss of something which I didn't really care about in the first place. I think it is because I have never liked the end of anything, and the end of highschool is much like the end of the first section of you life. although there is a marginal change from elementary to junior high, and junior high to high school, they are still organized schools in the public school system, often ever within the same school district. every day at 7 am you get up to prepare for school which you are required to go to at 8. there are tardies and classes and a bell and teachers that know your name. lunch is in a cafeteria at a specific time and there is a meal of the day that you must pay your 1. 50 or 1. 75 for. it is really all the same thing, just twelve different grades in the same school. college is more like a job than like the old school system - it is a huge change. I simply hope that my friends don't go crazy and decide to move off or something after college. this would be the death of me because I will not, can not, and don't want to make new friends. however, I have found that no contact with friends slowly drives me mad. I would love for me jere and nolan and robert to stay local forever. I would like them all to, but I do not see how I could live without at least (robert and nolan), (jeremy and robert), (mark and robert), (robert and ben), (jeremy and ben), (jeremy and mark). therse combinations would be able to keep me satisfied for just about forever. of course, you know the freakin psychos will all go off and get married like the sick bastards that they are. they should read a little bit of saint paul, the fools. he knew the wisdom about not getting married. that was one of the things that pissed me off about your pretest. it asked is my shyness interfered with my dating or something like that. no, my shyness doesn't interfere with my freaking dating, cause I don't date! I never will date, I barely ever have dated, and I think that people who do date should be lined up and flogged until they come to their senses. in my junior year people always used to say, well craig, you are just bitter cause you can't get any. well, at the time that was partially true, but since then I have had opportunity galore. in my senior year, jana (the cheer leader), heather, myriah, jill, and melissa all openly admitted that they liked me. did I pursue? did I? well, I admit I foolishly wen out with jana (worst mistake of my life, btw). but no one can say that I can't get any. no sir. there was a girl on my floor last year that may have liked me (the only girl I have bothered to meet in all of college so far). peopl also say well just wait until you meet the right person craig - then you will change your mind. well who are they kidding? I already said that I had no interest in meeting any people at all. I have met basically zero peopl since I have been in college. I met my roommate, and I briefly spoke to nero and christina (I think that was her name) but that is it. I have met no one in my classes nor do I have any remote interest in meeting them. once last year a girl called me up to ask me to study with her (highly possible that she was interested in me as well) but I had no interest in doing so. I sat there in terror hoping that she wouldn't ask me to study with her, for I would have to turn her down which I hate to do. that will probably how I will end up getting hitched. I just won't be able to say no. I am terrible at that. | Thinking styles | Impulsive Thinking | Conscientiousness | low |
2004_292.txt | hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out
Emotions: Indifference | Agreeableness: low | hello professor, I'm doing your little writing assignment even though I have no clue what to write so Ill do what you said to do and wirte about anything that comes to my head. today I have to do a lot of study work, not much else to do b. C I lifted weights and played bball yesterday for bout 6 hours and now I'm in the UT cycling team and its pretty damn cool. I should excel in this sport because I know how to push my body harder than anyone I know, no matter what the test I always push my body harder than everyone else. I want to be the best no matter what the sport or event. I should also be good at this because I love to ride my bike and to do it as a sport? wow lots of fun. music. hmmm I like it a lot, I have lots of it in fact I have about 15 GB of music on this computer which is about 5,000 songs so I have a wide variety of music and that's good to have, its also good to have know a lot of things which is exactly what I do, I know lots of stuff that nobody else would know. I am extremely good at jeopardy and I usually have as much money as the winner and the funny part about it is, they have had college and lots of schooling, most of the contestants were graduate students and I have just begun college. by the way my classes are in no way difficult, I hope your class doesn't get hard because I have a a lot of calculus which isn't hard, just very time consuming. what to write, haha now that I ask an opportunity has presented itself, a girl that I know just said hi, got me some of that last weekend, I've known her all my life and she looks pretty good too, she goes to tarleton(redneck city) but its ok, its still good. I have a way with people, if I can talk to them for about 10 minutes I can get them to really like me and if I want to I can make them do almost anything(no alchohol has to be used). you can ask my best bud who goes to school here, he knows that I have a way with people and I do that's what's so cool about this. I have a great life ahead of me and I want to live it to the fullest and no matter what I say on here I can't stop typing so I will continue and the music is great by the way damn I've got to go home this weekend, everyone misses me too much although I don't miss any of them except this girl that I went out with for bout 2 years, lots of fun there, I love her yes I do and she loves me but since I left we broke up and now she's trapped with a druggie b. C if she dumps him he will either kill himself or me so she's very scared but I don't care, it will all work itself out in time I just hope it won't take forever. my calculus teacher is skin a real social reject, he has no body mass, he is skinnier than a toothpick and his clothes almost fall off of him its funny to look at that finish button is looking really good right now, as in extremley good, I wish I could click it right now but I can't b. C my 20 isn't finished yet so I will continue in my efforts to type and type continuously like you wanted, geez 20 minutes is a long time to just type and have nobody type back to you although I have writted letters that have taken me 3 hours to write and consisted of about 10 pages of paper, but I don't care, I don't care about much anyways, just my grades got to keep them up, I care about my family my future and the girl back home, I care about my frineds, I care about my physical health and looks that's why I love to be in shape but other than that, I don't care about much of anything, there is no reason to care and by the way I SUPPORT BUSH he is a good man and if the media didn't give him such a hard rap about things people would like him a lot more the only reason many people don't is because of the media, I even ask them why they don't like him and all they can say is just because, I reeally wisht tthat they would take the time to research things and see who the btter candidate for the president is which is obviously BUSH!!! anyways I don't really liek the music that is playing right now its not really that cool and has no good beat at all, music is a beautiful artform wchich I believe is the best ever but who cares? nobody. I am out to change the world and I will you will see --Mad Hatter--out | Emotions | Indifference | Agreeableness | low |
2000_556394.txt | Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up.
Thinking styles: Worry | Neuroticism: High | Okay, I am starting to write for this assignment. I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but I guess it's sort of like a journal and I'm supposed to write whatever I am thinking. I am kind of overwhelmed by school right now. It is so big here, and it's kind scary. I'm used to knowing everyone around, but here I don't know anyone. Friends is on right now. It's pretty funny. I miss being in Houston where everything is normal. I'm not used to the times shows come on here. This sounds really stupid, like I am just rambling on about nothing. Friends is funny. Am I doing this right? I don't know if this is what y'all are asking me to do. I miss John, the guy I am dating from Houston. I don't really want anything serious with him, but I like him a lot so I am kind of confused on what I should do. Should I have my fun and not date someone I really like a lot, or should I date him and maybe miss out on opportunities to have fun at school. I don't know I am not sure. And then there is my exboyfriend Ricky. I don't want to be with him, but sometimes I miss him. I think it is only when I think back on high school I think about the good times we had and I miss that. I also don't like it that maybe I made the wrong choice in not wanting him and moving on. What if I totally regret it in the future, and I want him back, but he doesn't want me. That would be horrible. I don't know. I'm just pretty confused right now. I don't know what I want about anything. It's hard getting used to everything around here. I miss the show 90210. I was just thinking about it for some weird reason. That used to be my favorite show, but it got cancelled. I'm supposed to go to a frat party tonight but I don't know if I'm going to go or not. My roommate doesn't want to go cause she needs to do work. She's the same major as me. She's a pretty good influence on me. She gets me to go to meetings and stuff that I probably wouldn't go to if it weren't for her dragging me to them. I am filming the volley ball game on Saturday for a live broadcast. I'm glad I am getting involved somehow. I tried to get tickets to the OU game, but I couldn't they were already sold out when I was supposed to get them. I'm pretty bored right now. I probably have lots of grammar mistakes in here, but since I'm free writing, I don't think it really matters. At least I hope it doesn't matter. I'm a little scared about grades. I hope tests and stuff are not too hard. I'm not really thinking about anything right now, so I have nothing to right except that I have nothing in my head. This is a little hard; to right only what you are thinking and not thinking of something to write. I'm glad it rained today, it was nice. I love the rain. Ever since I was a life guard I have loved the rain, cause we got to close the pool and sit around getting paid for doing nothing a miss those days, back in the summer of my freshmen year. Everything was so easy back then, it kind of makes me sad thinking about it, but oh well, I guess I'll make new memories, and have a different kind if fun. Okay, well my time is up. | Thinking styles | Worry | Neuroticism | High |
1998_955635.txt | okay well here goes nothin' I guess so whats the big deal about all this anyway all I was told was about how hard it ws going to be and so far its been a boat ride we used to play dominoes back in high school in my theatre class and I was the only white kid it was kind of fun actually they all taught me how to play "bones" a boat ride was when all the dots on the end dominoes added up two twenty boat ride and so on well its great so far mom party party party class party party party sleep class party that's my schedule why does this girl keep taking us so seriously I'm so frustr. with her right now oh well sobeit and so on so how much tim e . damn fifteen minutes left what else would you,like to know sir. maam. it whatever is this here to entertain you or for you to. nevermind well here we are just me and you pizza sounds good Kilgore Trout I need to finish that book great book so much crap noone sees the genius and so on the severity of any problem is measured by the attainability of its solution-me yeah psych class 400 people huh and not a damn one is anyhting like me maybe one okay two or three but thas all jammed my finger it hurts to type falling down the stairs at my dads my party drunk 4 in the morningjammed my shoulder and finger price to pay for a good time huh? well answer me nevermind should I tell her what I'm thinking maybe not I ve got plenty of time plenty of time Marty Robbins he used to sing Marty Robbins no more I could not as good as real thing greatt album best of all time U2 crowding my space!!!! okay well are going to give it back for some reason I don't miss it at all I guess I'm hungry griffin liz maybe other girl one of these things is not like the other hot in here workstastion blah blah cuts handsneed new band for my wtch planner aol disk I tired band I wish theyd make it big like daisy I wish daisy'd make it bigger shopping no wait witherspoon. should I go to the concert or the game. the music or the sport that is the question Prague. its all about the show but who know s what show will blow through a town that goes. never again will I write a poem short story etc. maybe a sports article when I'm old and grey and have no teeth and a dog named ralph with my wife having passed away thrre years earlier in my newly finished rocking chair that my grandchildren made for me and the cushion for my arthritic back. orthopedic shoes pipe in hand and caxcer in mouth calling ralph to my feet watching reruns of the X-files praying to God that one of my kids would call to hear a voice or that ralph could talk if that's his name cause wont remember a thing but that's okay because the one thing I will remember is Marty Robbins and so on times up
Emotions: Anxiety | Neuroticism: High | okay well here goes nothin' I guess so whats the big deal about all this anyway all I was told was about how hard it ws going to be and so far its been a boat ride we used to play dominoes back in high school in my theatre class and I was the only white kid it was kind of fun actually they all taught me how to play "bones" a boat ride was when all the dots on the end dominoes added up two twenty boat ride and so on well its great so far mom party party party class party party party sleep class party that's my schedule why does this girl keep taking us so seriously I'm so frustr. with her right now oh well sobeit and so on so how much tim e . damn fifteen minutes left what else would you,like to know sir. maam. it whatever is this here to entertain you or for you to. nevermind well here we are just me and you pizza sounds good Kilgore Trout I need to finish that book great book so much crap noone sees the genius and so on the severity of any problem is measured by the attainability of its solution-me yeah psych class 400 people huh and not a damn one is anyhting like me maybe one okay two or three but thas all jammed my finger it hurts to type falling down the stairs at my dads my party drunk 4 in the morningjammed my shoulder and finger price to pay for a good time huh? well answer me nevermind should I tell her what I'm thinking maybe not I ve got plenty of time plenty of time Marty Robbins he used to sing Marty Robbins no more I could not as good as real thing greatt album best of all time U2 crowding my space!!!! okay well are going to give it back for some reason I don't miss it at all I guess I'm hungry griffin liz maybe other girl one of these things is not like the other hot in here workstastion blah blah cuts handsneed new band for my wtch planner aol disk I tired band I wish theyd make it big like daisy I wish daisy'd make it bigger shopping no wait witherspoon. should I go to the concert or the game. the music or the sport that is the question Prague. its all about the show but who know s what show will blow through a town that goes. never again will I write a poem short story etc. maybe a sports article when I'm old and grey and have no teeth and a dog named ralph with my wife having passed away thrre years earlier in my newly finished rocking chair that my grandchildren made for me and the cushion for my arthritic back. orthopedic shoes pipe in hand and caxcer in mouth calling ralph to my feet watching reruns of the X-files praying to God that one of my kids would call to hear a voice or that ralph could talk if that's his name cause wont remember a thing but that's okay because the one thing I will remember is Marty Robbins and so on times up | Emotions | Anxiety | Neuroticism | High |
2000_550042.txt | So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my "interesting" train of thought.
Thinking styles: Cooperative Thinking | Agreeableness: High | So, I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen. I wonder what I'm supposed to write about. Thousands of ideas enter my mind, but one completely stands out. My roommate is again in a fight with her boyfriend. How can one person have so much anger trapped up inside of them? How can one person be so hurt and so hurtful to or from another. I know that I sometimes get in fights with my boyfriend. But they are nothing like this. I just don't really understand her sometimes. She complains that they don't talk enough, but when they are on the phone they have absolutely nothing to talk about. What else is new, all she does is sit around in the room waiting for him to call all of the time. I go to class, come back, and there she sits still. I just can't do that. I mean, I'm dedicated and love my boyfriend, but not to the point of putting my own happiness and life on the line for one person. I don't think that I'm selfish, I feel like I have my priorities straighter. Except I happen to be the one without the degree plan that everyone else already has set up. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There are so many opportunities out there, how do you know deadon what you would like to be? My interests change daytoday. One day I want to do this, then the next day it's this other thing. The only sure thing and deadmindset thing that I'm involved with is my boyfriend. We've been together for a long time, and I've never felt as strong about anyone as I feel about him. We make all these plans for our future together that I hope come true. But they are only things that I want right now. I would love to marry this guy, I've been settled down for over a year now, and I'm happy this way. We both adjusted our lives for each other. I just wish the time was here. But I can't help to think of that continuous thought in the back of my head, of what if. I am extremely superstitious. I believe that there is a reason why we met each other, and every event that has happened since, has. But maybe I don't always get what I want because I'm supposed to meet someone else while he is not around. I have never been happier in my life, and I am always afraid of change. This move down here to college shuck me up enough. Now things are finally getting settled and I'm meeting tons of people, but I don't know whether or not I should dedicate my time to what I am giving it to. I make time for everyone, but not always for everyone. I keep a lot of time to myself. I hate having to turn people down, but it seems as if I am always doing that. Tomorrow my friend invited me over for dinner, and that should be a lot of fun. We have kind of lost touch, and it should be good for us to get back into the swing of things. Well, I think that has been twenty minutes. I hope you enjoyed my "interesting" train of thought. | Thinking styles | Cooperative Thinking | Agreeableness | High |
1999_771726.txt | It is just past one a. m. and I feel like doing this now. I'm not really tired and know that I should go to bed because I have to go to class at eight tomorrow. I've done all of my homework and am extremely bored. I just got off the internet with my boyfriend back at home, which would be Conroe. He's lonley just like me and we have been talking for about three hours. I miss him a lot and don't quite know what to do. I really don't have a lot of friends here. I had seven best friends that I grew up with since around fourth grade and all seven of them went to A&M. I really feel left out. They all e-mail me and tell me what a great time they are having and I wish I were with them. I've wanted to come here since I was in fifth grade though, so this is a dream come true for me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. They were always there for me and we always had a great time. I also miss my family, which is probably to be expected in the first weeks of college. My brother called me today, he is 13, and told me that he just got a new dwarf hamster and I know he got it just because I told him last week that they were the cutest things. He takes everything I say to heart, even if he dosen't know it. My mom's and my brother's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure if I can get home. I wasen't able to bring my car up here so I'm stuck at the mercy of my roommate. I just want to be there for their birthday's. If my roommate dosen't go home though then I'm stuck up here. I've known Sara for quite a long time. For about eight years. We've never really been best friends or anything but we decided to room together because we knew we could trust each other. She is pretty neat, although she does complain a lot. I have really nothing against here though. I'm kinda hungry, if you would like to know that. Instead of eating dinner I went down the hall and watched the MTV music awards and ate candy and popcorn and I'm still hungry. I don't want to have to get up in the morning. When I scheduled my classes I should not have put four classes in one day, but I had no choice. I'm really regretting it now though. Homework is hard to do if it all has to be done on the same day. I'm also taking an aerobics class and it is quite fun. I never expected it to be so physical though. I know you are supposed to exercise and all, it's just that it hurts. I am so out of shape and it just makes me aware of that fact. My eyes are getting all fuzzy. And it is very cold. I'm getting tired now and I think it is because of all the blue writing on the white background. I wasen't tired before. So, my twenty minutes is almost up and I might go to bed now. I doubt it, I am a night person. I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. That would be great. Well, I'll talk to you in the next writing assignment.
Social Awareness: Relationship Maintenance | Agreeableness: High | It is just past one a. m. and I feel like doing this now. I'm not really tired and know that I should go to bed because I have to go to class at eight tomorrow. I've done all of my homework and am extremely bored. I just got off the internet with my boyfriend back at home, which would be Conroe. He's lonley just like me and we have been talking for about three hours. I miss him a lot and don't quite know what to do. I really don't have a lot of friends here. I had seven best friends that I grew up with since around fourth grade and all seven of them went to A&M. I really feel left out. They all e-mail me and tell me what a great time they are having and I wish I were with them. I've wanted to come here since I was in fifth grade though, so this is a dream come true for me. I just wish I had someone to talk to. They were always there for me and we always had a great time. I also miss my family, which is probably to be expected in the first weeks of college. My brother called me today, he is 13, and told me that he just got a new dwarf hamster and I know he got it just because I told him last week that they were the cutest things. He takes everything I say to heart, even if he dosen't know it. My mom's and my brother's birthday is in a week and I'm not sure if I can get home. I wasen't able to bring my car up here so I'm stuck at the mercy of my roommate. I just want to be there for their birthday's. If my roommate dosen't go home though then I'm stuck up here. I've known Sara for quite a long time. For about eight years. We've never really been best friends or anything but we decided to room together because we knew we could trust each other. She is pretty neat, although she does complain a lot. I have really nothing against here though. I'm kinda hungry, if you would like to know that. Instead of eating dinner I went down the hall and watched the MTV music awards and ate candy and popcorn and I'm still hungry. I don't want to have to get up in the morning. When I scheduled my classes I should not have put four classes in one day, but I had no choice. I'm really regretting it now though. Homework is hard to do if it all has to be done on the same day. I'm also taking an aerobics class and it is quite fun. I never expected it to be so physical though. I know you are supposed to exercise and all, it's just that it hurts. I am so out of shape and it just makes me aware of that fact. My eyes are getting all fuzzy. And it is very cold. I'm getting tired now and I think it is because of all the blue writing on the white background. I wasen't tired before. So, my twenty minutes is almost up and I might go to bed now. I doubt it, I am a night person. I'd rather stay up all night and sleep all day. That would be great. Well, I'll talk to you in the next writing assignment. | Social Awareness | Relationship Maintenance | Agreeableness | High |
1998_979711.txt | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems.
Thinking styles: Worrying | Neuroticism: High | I really miss my home town, but only because I'm not comfortable in my new surroundings. my friends seem short- lived and artificial, and my classes seem all too real and incredibly healthy. I'm constantly worrying that I'll fail and I seem to be hanging out with my thoughts too much, sometimes I feel they are a bad influence on me. I'm only happy when I'm doing something, and people tell me it's because I don't like to deal with my problems. it's true, but at this time I don't care. I have a hard time concentrating, sometimes I wonder if I have ADD. I probably don't , but I like to think I do. they call that a hypochondriac right? I have a question: does believing you are a hypochondriac mean that you are suffering from something else? I hope so, petty mental problems are better that physical problems. | Thinking styles | Worrying | Neuroticism | High |
1998_538805.txt | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly.
Thinking styles: Worrying | Neuroticism: High | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. | Thinking styles | Worrying | Neuroticism | High |
2000_710213.txt | What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have "lungs of steel" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of "hooked up. " Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew!
Emotions: Anxiety | Conscientiousness: High | What does the drug ecstasy do to the brain? I have been very curious about this for some time now. Maybe you could tell us what studies have concluded about this drug. The reason why I am so curious is because many of my friends have recently discovered and become enchanted with it. In fact, in about the middle of the second semester of my senior year in high school, it became almost like an ecstasy epidemic! Several of my friends have done it up to 11 or 12 times already! I haven't tried it since I refuse to do drugs but I'm really interested to find out what its long term effects are and why it produces the reaction that it does. Apparently, when on ecstasy, it feels as if nothing can go wrong and everything is perfect. Music is everything and once listening, someone who is rolling (the term used to define the feeling one gets after taking X) can't pull away. Also, they say they feel as if they have "lungs of steel" in that they are constantly smoking cigarettes and feel as if they can't stop. Oh, and the mouth chewing. Why does that happen? Their mouths jitter while they're rolling and after the drug wears off, their mouths hurt or feel sore. That's why you can tell when someone is rolling at a party. Well, first of all they're sweating profusely and also they're chewing lots and lots of gum! Its crazy actually. I went to a rave with my friends last Saturday. It was at Austin Music Hall. At least 70% of the people attending the rave was rolling on X. Well, essentially, that's what rave's are for. Its a closed space with djs who spin techno and trance music for a huge group of people, the majority of whom is Xing like crazy! Anyway, my friends had a blast there. of course they were rolling. I had fun too, but not nearly as much I imagine! In fact, it was 3:30 in the morning, we had been dancing for at least 4 hours straight, and one of my friends refused to leave because he was rolling so hard and not remotely tired. Doesn't this sound crazy? What does the drug do to people? Have any severe, longlasting consequences been discovered for sure. I've been told several theories, some of which include the brain bleeding, there being permanent damage on the spine, memory loss, and brain cells being killed. Sounds like some dangerous stuff these people are playing around with. If it weren't an illegal drug, I'd definitely try it (provided it didn't totally screw me up in the future!) considering how wonderful everyone tells me it is. And not just word of mouth. I've seen people on it countless times. They look as if they could die happy right then and there! I don't know if you're planning on discussing anything like this in class but I'm really interested in finding out more about X. Just out of curiosity! Well, I think I'd like to talk about something remotely related. One of the guys whom I'm talking about, in fact, he's in this class with me, is named J. I went to high school with him but we were never friends. We hung out at the same parties with the same group of people generally, but we barely even talked to each other. Well he and his friend are living at Towers together and since we're all down here together we've been hanging out a lot. A whole lot, in fact. And I wasn't really planning on anything happening between us but the night of the rave, a lot of people stayed the night at their place, including me, and we kind of "hooked up. " Now, ever since then, we've kind of been messing around well, nothing much. The thing is, we haven't mentioned it to each other at all. We keep doing it but don't discuss it. So I'm not sure what the deal is. I think I like him. well, actually, yes I do like him. The problem is. does he like me? I can't tell either way. I mean, he's a guy so just the fact that he keeps fooling around with me doesn't mean much. He could hate my guts for all I know and still be doing what he's doing just to get some! That would really suck. And I don't want to ask him because, well for one, I wouldn't know what to say. And for two, I'm scared of the answer. That would just be awful if I spill my guts and he totally cops out. And what's worse is if that happens, not only are we in this class together, but we have to go to the same school for the next four years! What should I do? I don't know. I hope something happens soon that'll figure this out for me well, something GOOD that is! I've written a lot more than twenty minutes so I should probably go now. I guess this wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Whew! | Emotions | Anxiety | Conscientiousness | High |
1999_869069.txt | Well here I am sitting at the computer typing very badly as always, constantly hitting the backspace key. I just rebought my books from varsity books online becuase some of or rather one of the books I have is signifigantly cheaper there and then I registered for some sweepstakes tat they have- like I could ever win one of those things but you never know in eighth grade at the going away dance only for eighth graders I won a bag of blowpops huge bag and I never ate most of them they sat in my desk drawer for a long time and then as a periodically clean my desk drawer I would find one and throw it away. My roomate is on her computer too typing awaay talking to her boyfriend she is so dedicated she already finished all her homework already I'm still just kind of trudging along. I'm really tired its time to go to bed I wonder if I should take advil because I had my wisdom teeth out on friday but I'm really tolerant to pain so I never even took the perscription pain medication- but I have no idea if anything is wrong because I just sort of ignore the pain. After I finish this I am going to take a shower we talked with our suite mates about the bathroom and stuff my roomate is talking to me about having a place to stay for her boyfriend over labor day she doesn't know who of her friends will be here so he might stay in our dorm but I know that they won't do anything I'm probably going home because I live here in austin then he can stay in my bed if he wants it won't bother me he's a nice guy- I have only known jenny for 5 days and it seems so much longer we really get along pretty well we come from similar backgrounds too. We both grew up in the US with parents from Taiwan so we have similar backgrounds. I filled out that survey it was so strange and so long. The pre-test thing. I'm just an all over goody goody so it was interesting to think of people filling it out diffeently with their true lives I'm such an innocent and I don't see people doing bad things liek drinking or having sex and abortions. One of our suite mates rushed and she got into ZTA and some of her sorority sisters are taking her out tonight and I asked where she was going and she said to some frat parties and she was going to come back completely hammered it made me wonder because it's the first day of school and she has an 8:30 class tommorow but oh well it's not might life or my concern. this room is so cold. and she seems so smart to she took all the AP classes and I think she was on drill team too. And she has a bum of a boyfriend or something like that it seems like everyone has a boyfriend but me but thats ok I don't need a guy to make me happy even though I would like a boyfriend- I've never had one before that is so strange but that's ok. I saw a lot of people from high school so far well not a whole lot but that's ok. There are a few of us from church here also Clement who is in this class too was supposed to come help me update my differentials on norton or something- my brother like ICQed me and told me to do it at least once a week I had no ide what he was talking about and I tried to do it. I can't believe I have so much to do already I have a lot of classes I thought it would kind of be like high school but I don't think so I saw a few people around campus that I know from church it was really weird thinking I knew them and stuff and seeing them- you can tell all the freshman on campust because they walk around with maps in there hands and they get to class about 15 minutes early but that won't last long- especially those 8 o'clock classes oh I think I need to charge my cell phone I'm not sure oh well. well I think my twenty minutes is up and I'm about to completely fall asleep and one of my suitemates is in the bathroom so I guess I could read sociology until she is done but. well good night.
Emotions: Excitement | Openness: High | Well here I am sitting at the computer typing very badly as always, constantly hitting the backspace key. I just rebought my books from varsity books online becuase some of or rather one of the books I have is signifigantly cheaper there and then I registered for some sweepstakes tat they have- like I could ever win one of those things but you never know in eighth grade at the going away dance only for eighth graders I won a bag of blowpops huge bag and I never ate most of them they sat in my desk drawer for a long time and then as a periodically clean my desk drawer I would find one and throw it away. My roomate is on her computer too typing awaay talking to her boyfriend she is so dedicated she already finished all her homework already I'm still just kind of trudging along. I'm really tired its time to go to bed I wonder if I should take advil because I had my wisdom teeth out on friday but I'm really tolerant to pain so I never even took the perscription pain medication- but I have no idea if anything is wrong because I just sort of ignore the pain. After I finish this I am going to take a shower we talked with our suite mates about the bathroom and stuff my roomate is talking to me about having a place to stay for her boyfriend over labor day she doesn't know who of her friends will be here so he might stay in our dorm but I know that they won't do anything I'm probably going home because I live here in austin then he can stay in my bed if he wants it won't bother me he's a nice guy- I have only known jenny for 5 days and it seems so much longer we really get along pretty well we come from similar backgrounds too. We both grew up in the US with parents from Taiwan so we have similar backgrounds. I filled out that survey it was so strange and so long. The pre-test thing. I'm just an all over goody goody so it was interesting to think of people filling it out diffeently with their true lives I'm such an innocent and I don't see people doing bad things liek drinking or having sex and abortions. One of our suite mates rushed and she got into ZTA and some of her sorority sisters are taking her out tonight and I asked where she was going and she said to some frat parties and she was going to come back completely hammered it made me wonder because it's the first day of school and she has an 8:30 class tommorow but oh well it's not might life or my concern. this room is so cold. and she seems so smart to she took all the AP classes and I think she was on drill team too. And she has a bum of a boyfriend or something like that it seems like everyone has a boyfriend but me but thats ok I don't need a guy to make me happy even though I would like a boyfriend- I've never had one before that is so strange but that's ok. I saw a lot of people from high school so far well not a whole lot but that's ok. There are a few of us from church here also Clement who is in this class too was supposed to come help me update my differentials on norton or something- my brother like ICQed me and told me to do it at least once a week I had no ide what he was talking about and I tried to do it. I can't believe I have so much to do already I have a lot of classes I thought it would kind of be like high school but I don't think so I saw a few people around campus that I know from church it was really weird thinking I knew them and stuff and seeing them- you can tell all the freshman on campust because they walk around with maps in there hands and they get to class about 15 minutes early but that won't last long- especially those 8 o'clock classes oh I think I need to charge my cell phone I'm not sure oh well. well I think my twenty minutes is up and I'm about to completely fall asleep and one of my suitemates is in the bathroom so I guess I could read sociology until she is done but. well good night. | Emotions | Excitement | Openness | High |
2000_871605.txt | I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy.
Emotions: Loneliness | Extraversion: low | I am pretty proud of myself today, for I got much more accomplished than I thought I would. I figured that after my last class I would just take a nap. But instead, I went to the gym and had a great workout. It's always good to make a plan of everything that you want to do in a day. I always have to do lists. They are so useful, and I feel so organized when I make them. And when I finish everything on one list, I feel so good. It is a great feeling. I haven't been having too many great feelings recently. I'm not sure if I like it here. I don't think I ever will either; that is what bothers me the most. Everyone keeps telling me that it is going to get better, that I'll meet more and more people that I like. I just don't think it's going to happen. I really wish I had gone to Brandeis, for things would be so much easier. It is a smaller school, near Boston, much closer to my parents. Then I'd be able to see Brian and Jessie so much more often. I probably could see them every weekend if I wanted to. My phone bill would definitely be a hell of a lot less. That would be so good, because I don't have enough money. I feel bad asking for more from my parents, but it would just be so much easier. I think I really want to apply for that job at George Women. That is definitely a cool store because it has everything that I love there! Another thing I have noticed about being a college student, is that now I don't care about how I look or dress or anything like that. In high school, it was such a big deal to wear the "right" clothes and things like that. I didn't even mind doing that, and it seemed normal. I just miss my friends so much. I made such great connections with three people in high school, and I miss them so much. I am so jealous of all my friends who are so close to each other. Why do I have to get stuck with going to this huge school? It's not fair that I have to go through so many changes all at the same time. I just wish things were easier. It would make me so much happier. I feel like I have done something awful, that I deserve to feel like crap. I know that if I just keep on going, day by day, then things have to get better. I'm just so used to having so many friends and knowing so many people. I have just gotten thrown into this huge pile of people, and not knowing any of them is just plain weird. I just hope that getting use to this school will be a lot easier and quicker than it seems like it will be. I think that things will become so much better once I get used to this school. I certainly hope so because I just want to be happy. | Emotions | Loneliness | Extraversion | low |
2003_392.txt | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye.
Emotions: Fear | Neuroticism: High | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye. | Emotions | Fear | Neuroticism | High |
1998_538805.txt | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly.
Emotions: Anger | Agreeableness: Low | right now I feel like I'm kind of pressured to do this thing right because it's my first assignment for the class and I don't want to mess up. I hate that feeling where you think your doing something right but when you turn in the assignment in to the teacher they say that you did the assignment wrong. especially when you ask the teacher how long an assignment/paper suppose to be and they say they don't care but when you turn it in they tell you it's too short . well anyway I guess I'm getting off topic . I tend to do that a lot sometimes . Right now I'm feeling a bit hungry cause I only ate a small bit of food for breakfast (at 1:00pm that is ). Yes I feel very well rested too cause I slept till noon. speaking of food it reminds of this lady who works in the cafeteria at the place I'm staying at. I don't like her very much because she said something about me in front of my face to another worker in Spanish. she assumed that I didn't understand what I said but let me tell you---I didn't take five years of Spanish and not learn to understand the language. also I didn't work with Hispanic people and not learn how to pick up a few words here and there. so what really pissed me off was not what she said (which really wasn't that offensive at all) but the fact that she would say it in a language she thought I wouldn't understand and more importantly she did it while I was still there. oh here I go about things in the past. I know I should just learn to let little things like that go but I can harbor a lot of my emotions for a long time, but they do eventually go away. besides I'm glad that I can know whether or not what I feel is justifiable. never mind forget what I just said it doesn't make any sense. it's hard to explain. you know I wish I could type as fast as I think cause by the time I finish this sentence I've already thought up of something else. I think my mind thinks too fast I feel old. I've noticed that recently I've begun forgetting a lot of stuff. not important stuff but miniscule little information that I would normally remember . usually I could remember a lot of pointless things but now it takes a little while for me to. wow I wish I could write papers like this because the time just flies by. you know what I don't think I stuck with the topic. I mean it is kind of vague . I mean chances are if someone is sitting in front of a computer and you ask them to write about their feelings at that instant they're probably going to be a little apathetic at that moment unless your referring to what they've been feeling like through the date because if that is the case I guess I can elaborate. so far I've been kind of tense , worried that this assignment might be too boring to take the time to write I mean it is twenty minutes but I guess twenty minutes is too much. Also I was worried that the computer lab might be too full but it wasn't and then I was worried that I might be able to connect to the site because I was afraid that the site might be down (I've heard horror stories about it). I guess I worry too much but I consider more of an asset to my life more than a hindrance because the fear makes think of all the things that can go wrong so I plan ahead of time and think of the alternatives. I wish I could say the same of my little sister but it seems like he never thinks ahead and about the consequences of her actions oh well times about up now my only fear is that the submit button will work properly. | Emotions | Anger | Agreeableness | Low |
2003_392.txt | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye.
Emotions: Frustration | Conscientiousness: Low | OK, I have writer's block. I guess I'll think of this assignment as a diary. Today was a pretty interesting day. I met a lot of people who spoke Spanish, so that made me feel more at home. This stupid bracelet is bothering me. I miss Isaac, my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if anyone's going to read this nonsense, and who ever is reading this, I feel sorry for them. I'm not that cool in my head. My room mate is gone. She is bowling. I wonder what she is doing. Maybe sitting there bored. She is always bored everywhere we go she has this face, that makes me bored. I miss my family, even though when I'm there I don't really talk to them. I guess I'm just used to them being around. I wonder if I'm prone to meningitis? Should I get the shot? Knowing my luck, if I don't get, I'll be well, to dead in 24 hours. I'm scared of needles. Damn, I'm scared of everything! Oh, crap almost erased everything I had written. Computers are not for me. What is for me? I like Psychology. The lectures are super interesting. Do I have any better word? Nah, interesting is an OK word. I feel so non-intellectual. See, that just shows my inability to express myself in words. Physically I'm very expressive. But I that's what I think. My ex probably doesn't think so. No, he does. I miss reading in U. I. L. I just realized that being in college makes you miss a lot of things. I wonder if I'm going to make it out of here? Sometimes I meet people just like me and tell myself, don't worry you're not alone, but other times people are so articulate in class it intimidates me. I set a goal for myself when I first got here and I can't do it. I'm suppose to ask at least one question per class per week. But I just can't with all those people staring at me. Once I open my mouth, they're going to realize what an idiot I am. This sounds so cliché. Other people probably wrote all these philosophical questions on their stream of consciousness, like Why are we here? Did Aristotle believe that as humans. Well, I don't write like that. I'm just a bundle of unanswered questions. Ahhh, my back's starting to hurt. I like that guy who walked me to my room. Is that all were suppose to write. OK never mind. That girl from Columbia is really nice. She reminds me of a friend from Del Rio. I hope I meet more people like her. It'll help me sleep better. I've had really bad insomnia. I could be depressed or just a freshman in UT. Maybe both. I don't get what happened to my first letter in every sentence. It disappeared into the left side. What did I push? OK 40 seconds left. I'm so glad I'm almost done with my first assignment. Is this what he wanted? I hope I did this right. Bye. | Emotions | Frustration | Conscientiousness | Low |
2003_240.txt | ok. so I am suppose to be writing for twenty minutes. well, this will be good typing practice. except in keyboarding class, we were told what to type. so this might be a problem. this seat is bothering me. it's hard to get comfortable in it. its really low as well. and these stupid wheels. they don't let me stay in one place. hmm. its a good thing I don't have wheels on the bottom of my chair for my desk. although I don't know how big of a problem it would be to have wheels on that chair. because in my room, I have carpet. this is a tiled floor, so that is why the chair is so rolly. when I sit on my roommate's chair, it doesn't move so much. so that must be it. it must be because of the carpet. oh, there goes my stomach. I'm hungry. but I don't want to eat till moiz calls. once moiz and omiar come over, I can order the pizza. but the problem with that, is that I am hungry now. I want to eat now. maybe something small when I get home. but knowing me, my small snack will turn into a meal. oh well. I can wait. I guess. I wonder if they think its cheap that I'm inviting them over on monday. this way I order the cheap monday madness pizza. but I guess its not really a big deal. I was going to invite them over soon. I want my computer up and running asap. I can't believe uncle hafeez gave me a nice new cpu. that is so awesome. but then again, that might lead to problems of me doing less studying, and more downloading songs online. I hope bilal and them come tomorrow. I mean, we don't want to be waiting for them every day, waiting for uncle's call to say oh, well we still couldn't book the tickets, so they will be coming tomorrow. hmm. I smell smoke. but that can't be right. who, no what idiot would be smoking in a building. well, I guess its not that much of an idiotic thing to do. I mean, lots of people do smoke, but I just wouldn't assume that they would be smoking inside a building. ohh kay. now my hands are getting tired. I don't think I was suppose to be typing nonstop for twenty minutes. was I? oh well. that's what I'm doing. haha I can't believe I was so stupid today. I have been going to urdu class at 12 for over a week. what exactly in my mind made me go to class at one. and thank goodness it was ten minutes before one. if I had gotten there right on time, I would have felt like such and idiot walking into class late. especially in a class that wasn't mine! it's a good thing I went and talked to the professor. she is awesome! I really didn't think that she would let me sign in. I came way after the bell rang! anyways, that makes two days of udru homework to do before wednesday. but then again, I have more important things to worry about besides my urdu homework. I have that stupid quiz in english tomorrow. when did all these quizzes come up. it seems like yesterday was only the first day of class. I guess summer went my pretty fast for me. wow. it really did. pakistan was awesome. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in the million times that we went there, not as much as I had this time. and saqib, rashid, and khurram. they are as cool as they have always been. I like the fact that we are all still cool. well, it took a while for us all to open up, but at least we did. and I'm upset with raza. I didn't realize till a little towards the end, that his walkman never left his ears. I don't know, does he not understand? or does he not care? because if he does not care, he shouldn't be coming. that is really bad. and think of what everyone else thought. I'm sure they minded too. ohh. a minute and a half left. weird. it does not seem like I have been typing for twenty minutes straight. I guess this wasn't so bad after all. I wonder what happens after my time is up. will I not be able to type anything else? well, I will find out in 40 seconds. now after this, I got to pick up my I'D from the business school, then. then I dunno. I could either go to the library and finish up my reading, which would be the smart thing to do, or I could go home and study". but that will never work. hmm, I think I just answered my own question.
Emotions: Calm | Neuroticism: Low | ok. so I am suppose to be writing for twenty minutes. well, this will be good typing practice. except in keyboarding class, we were told what to type. so this might be a problem. this seat is bothering me. it's hard to get comfortable in it. its really low as well. and these stupid wheels. they don't let me stay in one place. hmm. its a good thing I don't have wheels on the bottom of my chair for my desk. although I don't know how big of a problem it would be to have wheels on that chair. because in my room, I have carpet. this is a tiled floor, so that is why the chair is so rolly. when I sit on my roommate's chair, it doesn't move so much. so that must be it. it must be because of the carpet. oh, there goes my stomach. I'm hungry. but I don't want to eat till moiz calls. once moiz and omiar come over, I can order the pizza. but the problem with that, is that I am hungry now. I want to eat now. maybe something small when I get home. but knowing me, my small snack will turn into a meal. oh well. I can wait. I guess. I wonder if they think its cheap that I'm inviting them over on monday. this way I order the cheap monday madness pizza. but I guess its not really a big deal. I was going to invite them over soon. I want my computer up and running asap. I can't believe uncle hafeez gave me a nice new cpu. that is so awesome. but then again, that might lead to problems of me doing less studying, and more downloading songs online. I hope bilal and them come tomorrow. I mean, we don't want to be waiting for them every day, waiting for uncle's call to say oh, well we still couldn't book the tickets, so they will be coming tomorrow. hmm. I smell smoke. but that can't be right. who, no what idiot would be smoking in a building. well, I guess its not that much of an idiotic thing to do. I mean, lots of people do smoke, but I just wouldn't assume that they would be smoking inside a building. ohh kay. now my hands are getting tired. I don't think I was suppose to be typing nonstop for twenty minutes. was I? oh well. that's what I'm doing. haha I can't believe I was so stupid today. I have been going to urdu class at 12 for over a week. what exactly in my mind made me go to class at one. and thank goodness it was ten minutes before one. if I had gotten there right on time, I would have felt like such and idiot walking into class late. especially in a class that wasn't mine! it's a good thing I went and talked to the professor. she is awesome! I really didn't think that she would let me sign in. I came way after the bell rang! anyways, that makes two days of udru homework to do before wednesday. but then again, I have more important things to worry about besides my urdu homework. I have that stupid quiz in english tomorrow. when did all these quizzes come up. it seems like yesterday was only the first day of class. I guess summer went my pretty fast for me. wow. it really did. pakistan was awesome. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in the million times that we went there, not as much as I had this time. and saqib, rashid, and khurram. they are as cool as they have always been. I like the fact that we are all still cool. well, it took a while for us all to open up, but at least we did. and I'm upset with raza. I didn't realize till a little towards the end, that his walkman never left his ears. I don't know, does he not understand? or does he not care? because if he does not care, he shouldn't be coming. that is really bad. and think of what everyone else thought. I'm sure they minded too. ohh. a minute and a half left. weird. it does not seem like I have been typing for twenty minutes straight. I guess this wasn't so bad after all. I wonder what happens after my time is up. will I not be able to type anything else? well, I will find out in 40 seconds. now after this, I got to pick up my I'D from the business school, then. then I dunno. I could either go to the library and finish up my reading, which would be the smart thing to do, or I could go home and study". but that will never work. hmm, I think I just answered my own question. | Emotions | Calm | Neuroticism | Low |