PressReader - Ilanga langeSonto: 2019-01-06 - Umkami uthuthile exabana nomamaUmkami uthuthile exabana nomamaIlanga langeSonto - 2019-01-06 - Izindaba - VUKA UZITHINTITHESENGATHI ISOKA ALISANGITHANDINGINENKINGA, isoka lami lithi liyangithanda kodwa ngendlela elingishaye ngayo angiboni ukuthi liyangithanda. Ngenzenjani?IMPENDULO: Nakhu okufanele uhlale ukwazi - umuntu okuthanda ngempela uyakuhlonipha, akuvikele zikhathi zonke. Wenza isiqiniseko sokuthi akakuzwisi ubuhlungu futhi akadingi lutho eduze kwakho olukwephula umoya.Akusho ukuthi nawe mdelele ngoba ekuthanda. Kumele nihloniphane ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kubi ukuba abantu babekane isandla ebudlelwaneni futhi akufuneki.Kuyingozi ngoba kugcina sekuwumkhuba ojwayelekile, ongahamba uze ufinyelele esigabeni sokulimazana nokukhiphana umphefumulo. Nokho ngeke sikubalekele ukuthi kuyenzeka umuntu acasuke kakhulu mhlawumbe ahluleke ukuzibamba bese ezithola esekubeke isandla ngephutha.Emuva kwalokho umuntu owenze iphutha uyazisola, axolise futhi akabuye esaphinda. Esimeni sakho dadewethu ngishaywa wuvalo ngoba indlela obeka ngayo kuyazwakala ukuthi isoka lakho likushaye kakhulu.Yingozi-ke umuntu onjalo, ngelinye ilanga uyokwenza okungaphezulu kwalokho akwenze khona manje. Akekho umuntu ozokuthathela isinqumo, kulele kuwe.Uma ubona ukuthi isenzo sesoka lakho sikhomba ukuthi alisakuthandi, thatha isinqumo osibona sifanele. Phela ngeke uhlale nomuntu ongasakuthandi ngoba uzogcina ekubulele.UMYENI WAMI UJOLA NOMAKHELWANENGIDINGA ukwelulekwa. Nginobaba wezingane ezimbili, uselobolile kushoda umshado, kodwa akafuni ukuba neqiniso. Ngambamba ejola nomakhelwane wakhe, wathi behlukene. Manje ngiyathola ukuthi usemkhulelisile. Uma ngimbuza ubaba uvuka ngolaka athi ngizixaka ngento engekho.IMPENDULO: Ngiyafisa ukwazi ukuthi umbambe kanjani umyeni wakho ukuthi ujola nomakhelwane, nokuthi useze wamkhulelisa.Angithandisisi kakhulu ukukhuluma ngenzwabethi - kufanele sikhulume ngento enobufakazi futhi esiyazi kahle. Uma kuwukuthi ulwazi onalo luyiqiniso, bajola ngempela futhi ubaba wezingane zakho useze wamkhulelisa umakhelwane, kuyofanele uzibuze ukuthi yini wena oyifunayo nongakwazi ukuyibekezelela.Uma kuwukuthi uyise wezingane zakho uphika into ekhona, lokho kusho ukuthi ungumuntu ongathembekile - kuyinkinga-ke ukuba sebudlelwaneni nogalaka- jana ongenalo iqiniso. Futhi awukho umuzi onokuthula eniyowakha nomuntu ongathembekile.Engingakusho kuwena dadewethu wukuthi uma unesiqiniseko salezi zinto othi zenziwa nguyise wezingane zakho, zinike isikhathi ucabange ukuthi uyafuna yini ukumamukela nalezo zinto azenzayo. Impendulo ilele kuwena.UBABA AKANALO UTHANDO LWEZINGANENGINGOWESIFAZANE oneminyaka engu-42 ubudala, oshade nomyeni oneminyaka engu-53. Sineminyaka engu-25 sishadile. Sinabantwana ababili babafana - omunye uneminyaka engu-18 omunye unengu-23.Ubaba akanalo nhlobo uthando lwezingane, ngisho ekhuluma nazo kungonakele lutho, uyazihhahhameza, ukhuluma ngokuthetha. Ithiwani indaba enjena?IMPENDULO: Kwaze kwayisimo esibi leso. Singaba nomthelela ongemuhle ebantwaneni impilo yabo yonke.Abantwana bayazwela kakhulu futhi isimo abakhula ngaphansi kwaso, sihlala emqondweni wabo ingunaphakade. Indlela abaziphatha ngayo uma sebekhulile, imvamisa iba wumphumela wezimo abakhula ngaphansi kwazo.Wudaba lolu oludinga ukusukunyelwa, luthathelwe phezulu ukuze bavikeleke abantwana. Ngicabanga ukuthi kwayena umyeni wakho udinga usizo.Imvamisa umuntu oba nenhliziyo encane futhi ohlale ethetha ngisho isidingo singekho, usuke ebhekene nezinkinga ezithile mhlawumbe angaxoxi ngazo, kodwa ezimudla yedwa ngaphakathi.Angazi noma usuke wayixoxa yini le ndaba nomyeni wakho, wamtshela into ekukhathazayo mayelana nendlela aphatha ngayo abantwana. Uma ungakaze umtshele, ngicela ukuba uzame indlela yokumtshela.Ungalwi naye kodwa umtshele kahle ngomoya wesonto. Ngicela futhi uxhumane nodokotela oqeqeshiwe, oweluleka ngezengqondo ( clinical psychologist), umbikele le ndaba - nginesiqiniseko sokuthi kukhona angakusiza ngakho.Uma ungakwazi ukufinyelela kulab’ odokotela ungaxhumana nabezenhlalakahle ezikhungweni zikahulumeni zezempilo, bangakusiza ngoba phela kumele kuvikeleke abantwana.ISOKA LINGITSHELE UKUTHI LIQONYIWENGINESOKA esesithandane nalo iminyaka emibili. Bekukuhle ekuqaleni ngibona ukuthi uyangithanda kodwa kuthe ngomandulo (September) langitshela ukuthi liqonyiwe emakhaya njengoba lihlala lapha ethekwini.Lithi belingeke likwazi ukungifihlela ngoba uma uqonywa emakhaya wenza izinto eziningi. Ngenzenjani?IMPENDULO: Kufanele silincome isoka lakho ngokuthi lenze ukwethembeka lakutshela uku- thi liqonyiwe.Phela amanye amadoda awayithi vu indaba enje - amanye aze aganwe isinyelele ukhona nawe indaba ungayazi, uze uyithole ngosizwile.Nokho anginaso isiqiniseko sokuthi yini into ekukhathazayo kulolu daba lwakho njengoba nawe ungacacisi futhi ngeke ngikwazi ukukuthathela isinqumo ngalokho okufanele ukwenze.Engicabanga ukuthi kufanele ukwenze wukuba uhlale phansi nesoka lakho ulibuze ukuthi njengoba nasemakhaya liqonyiwe nje, lizimisele ngani mayelana nothando lwenu.Phela kungenzeka ukuthi lizichithela isizungu ngoba intombi yalo yangempela isemakhaya, kanti futhi kungenzeka ukuthi lizimisele ngokuthatha isithembu. Awulibuze likuchazele - emuva kwalokho uyokwazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze.UYANGIXAKA UMUNTU WAMIUYAZI umuntu wami uke asukeleke athi singafonelani noma kungaba yiviki, angitshele ukuthi kungamjabulisa lokho. Futhi uke afonelwe ngabantu besilisa bembuza ukuthi ubuya nini. Uma esebuyile abakafuni noma ngithi akaha-mbe ngolunye usuku - uvele athi ukhumbule ekhaya, akanaso isikhathi sami.IMPENDULO: Ngesinye isikhathi siyahlupha othandweni ngoba siye sibambelele ngisho entweni ebonakalayo ukuthi ayiyi ndawo.Uma ngilandela kahle udaba lwakho, kuzwakala sengathi lo muntu wakho akanawo umdlandla nogqozi lokuba sebudlelwaneni nawe - kungathi ubhorekile.Ngeke ngazi-ke ukuthi yini le embhorayo nemenza aqhubeke ahlale ekubeni ebhorekile. Okufanele ukwazi ukuthi abanye abantu basile lapha ngaphandle, baye bangene ebudlelwaneni bahlale ngoba benezinhloso ezithile, hhayi ngoba besuke benothando.Kuyothi mhla bazifeza izinhloso zabo bese bekulaxaza kuhle kwenyongo yenyathi. Yingakho kusemqoka ukuba othandweni singavaleki amehlo ukuze sizibone izimpawu abasikhombisa zona zokuthi lowo muntu akahleli ngoba ezimisele ngawe.Ngiyafisa nje ukwazi ukuthi ekuqaleni ubudlelwano benu babunjani.Ake uzinike isikhathi uyicabange kahle indaba yakho nalo muntu. Mina ngisola ukuthi akakuthandi futhi akanandaba nawe.Kuyoba kubi-ke ukuba umoshe isikhathi sakho kumuntu ongenandaba nawe. Kusemqoka ukuba uhlale naye phansi umtshele izinto ezingakuphethe kahle nezikudidayo kulobu budlelwano benu, umnike ithuba naye achaze ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.Mhlawumbe nje inkinga ikuwe njengoba enza kanjena.UYACHITHEKA UMUZI WAMINGINENKINGA, ngingowesilisa, umshado wami uyachitheka. Umama ongizalayo akezwani nomfazi wami, useze wabuyela kubo (umfazi), mina angihlali nabo ekhaya, ngisebenza edolobheni. Umfazi wami uthi uzobuya ekhaya mzukwana ngakha umuzi wethu.IMPENDULO: Mfowethu, kuhle ngoba uyayazi inkinga eholele kulesi simo obhekene naso.Isixazululo sale ndaba asikho nzima, akufuneki uze ukhathazeke kakhulu, kodwa kudingeka usukume wenze okufanele. Isimo sokuxabana phakathi kukamakoti noninazala sijwayelekile.Ngesinye isikhathi kusuke kungekho nanto etheni ebangwayo. Into eye ibe yisixazululo ezimeni ezifana nalesi yiyona le eshiwo wumkakho ukuba umkhiphe ekhaya, umakhele umuzi wakhe eceleni ukuze kuzoba nokuthula.Sekucacile ukuthi bayehluleka wukuhlala ndawonye. Okuhle nje ukuthi akukho lapho okhala khona ngokuthi inkosikazi yakho ayisakufuni noma iyakuhlupha futhi ayikuphethe kahle, kodwa ihambe ekhaya ngenxa yengxabano ekhona phakathi kwayo nomama wakho.Zama ukuba usheshe usilungise lesi simo. Uma uyakhela umuzi wayo inkosikazi yakho, uyobe ubavikela bobabili - umama wakho nomfazi wakho.Sicela bonke abafisa ukuthumela imibuzo noma abafisa ukusizakala ezinkingeni ababhekene nazo basebenzise inombolo kawhatsapp ethi: 082 070 8034. Sizozama ngakho konke ukuyiphendula imibuzo yenu.KULESI sithombe esitshengisa ubudlelwano obuphakathi kukababa nendodana, umfundi wale ngosi ukhathazekile ngendlela umyeni wakhe aphatha ngayo amadodana abo amabili (eno-18 enye eno-23) njengoba ethi uhlale ewahhahhameza, ewathethisa ngisho engenzanga lutho. Umfundi ukhathazwa yindlela umyeni wakhe angenalo ngayo uthando emadodaneni abo.
