Wordweavers : Priyadharshini AR, Poetry 2020 LonglistPriyadharshini AR, Poetry 2020 LonglistTHECEASEIopenedmyheavyeyelidsandslowly coveredmyeyesfromthebindingsun- theevershiningsun.ForasecondI forgotwhyIwasthereinfirstcase. Then,mymemoryhitmeback.Isat backonthedeepshadowofthemaple tree,leaningonitsbark,hearingthe grasshoppersclickinginthedryair.I stareddownatthesmallvillageIlived fromthehillIstood.Foronce,thesmall raggedytownappearedtomeasasmall opportunity,asmallchance.IwishI musthavefallenasleepwhilstdebating whetherIshouldgothroughwithmy plan.Itsuddenlycametomethatmylittle sisterjeni,usuallywouldhavecometo getmebynow.Istooduprelentlesslyandstartedthe longandtiringwalkbacktomyvillage.Thestreetsweresilentasusual.Nota soultoseeortohear.Isaunteredupto myhome,preparingformycareless step-mothertoscreamatmeforbeing lateagain.It'snotlikesheevencared eversincemymotherdied.Iopenedtheheavymetallicdoortosee mystep-momandfatherhugging.Arare occasion,whichoccursonlywhena familymemberdies.Iignoredboth,it'sprobablymynanithinkingthedoctors aregoingtokillheragain.Iseithered pastmyparentstosneakupthestairs. Butsomethingstopsmeinmytracks. I'veseenmanyofmydad's"looks", happy,sadandtheoneIseethemost, angry.Butthis,thislook,thisemptyglareIhad neverseenbefore.Nevereverseen before.Iaskedhimifhewasokaybut asusual,Ididn'tgetananswer.He choosedtolookstraightthroughme instead.Irolledmyeyesremembering whyIchosetoconstantlyrunaway.Run awaytoinfinity.Ifmygruesomeparents won'trespondmyquestion,Idon'tknow whowill!Iturntothehallwherejeniisusually singingalongtoDoraemon.Thistimeit wasdifferent.Itwasasifourhallhad sunkindepression,adarkdepression.I sawsweetlittleinnocentjenikneeling nexttothesofa.Iwalkedovertoaskherwhatwas happening.ButthecloserIgottothe sofa,themoreIfeltliketherewassome sortofspiritpresent.Iforcedmynow burdensomebodyovermysister...AndthatiswhenIsawtheProblem.I becamenumbasIglareddownatthe body.Mybody......Istaggeredbackwards,stumblingasthememoriescameback,floodingallover mymind.Igrabbedmythroat,realising whatIhaddone!Istaredovermysisterassheslowly closedhersadeyes.Myknees collapsedunderneathmeasjenisobbed.Iranovertothewindowandlookedat thehillandthere,thereitwas....THEROPE...TheropeIkilledmyselfwith.
