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Genuine desire to learn and engage with these stupid women. Not into the rough sex thing but don’t mind wrapping a sinewy gym forearm and/or hand with insane classical guitar grip strength around her– not the throat– you want to cut off her blood supply .

I don’t mind using my anatomical knowledge to painlessly crush her carotids while jamming a stiff finger the shitpipe; watch her watch herself sputter and weep in my full length mirror . Which is what it takes all women to cum now.

Sick of not staring at the tall black haired girl with the I got herpes from the band tattoos. The tops of Jennie A’s preposterous veiny jugs. Anna M in a little skirt, her tan legs crossed like they could open up any time revealing a tunnel of lightand at the end her aging taint.

Rachel P in her sheer heather gray cotton dress, little bit of gut hanging like she’s freshly knocked up by the six days of seed I’m sitting on. Listen Alyssa, I’m in the sex addicts thing now.

Waves so big they’d knock you over. They were laying down finishing the crossword and the dog sat on his back. She asked: when can I meet your friends. They all hate you, he said. I told them you’re breaking my heart. Because I won’t be your girlfriend? Yeah. I was honest. I know.

They think you’re using me. I do tell them good t hings about you. … like what? You look 14 a nd suck a mean dick, he said.

There was an unmade bed against the wall. A duvet cover embroidered with parrots.

A black file cabinet in back by the cat picture with a spindly cactus on top, hooked so far toward the window that the pot was about to tip over. A Brother P-T ouch label on the top drawer said “BILLS.” And a desk, with monitors.

Take human kindness and blow it out your ass. If I had an ounce of courage I’d be on that plane now.

Back outside the Kenny Rogers Roasters in Manila. First biological female I find, take her raw for500 pesos.

For a segment on exceptional teens. The network paid for his personal assistants and his personal assistants wrangled his exceptional teen pussy.

He sent a car for her. He’s still on the air.

I felt like the Terminator. You ran into traffic. I saw you get a car to stop and a guy to roll his window down and you pointed at me and were clearly telling him that I was a violent miscreant bent on killing you.

He didn’t do shit. The other guy who saw me putting you in a headlock clearly hadn’t called the cops either, there were no cops on the streets.

I imagined blending seamlessly into a sea of plaid shirts. Eventually I just jumped the wall. Now I am in fucking Tarzana late at night, stumbling drunk, no idea if they even have buses this far out and not enough cab money to getto my house.

But I was more scared for you, because you were doing that thing you do when you get drunk and you just shut down. You become this floppy corps e who only stirs for a few seconds at a time to slur a couple words and grind your pussy against whoever ’s trying to hold you up, the way a dog in heat drags her crotch on the carpet. And you were out there somewhere wandering around this weird deep valley neighborho od and maybe you would pass out in a bush and chok e on your own puke and die.

Dr. Norwood help up a lock of hair.

Salt and pepper with a little blood at one end. Sorry but we need to analyze close to the root. Lean forward please –What do you think so far . Male pattern baldness is rated 1 to 7.

I have a date later. Asian; name something like “Dong.” I’ll run my tongue over every salty inch of Dong on my flagging mattress.

Smear the smell and taste of Dong over my sweaty body . Can’ t stop looking at pictures of Dong.

She’s the only woman I talk to. I Am Now Gay Well I jerked off to a big black cock being jerked off– am I gay now? Yes. Thank God. Although I’m too old for the gay dream.

Constant fucking with no ef fort. Also men are disgusting. What would it take.

I only know when it’s not there.OKCupid: What I’m Doing with My Life Part 2 I was unemployed for a while. Now I’m a gray corporate worm.

I have a 401(k). I wear loafers.

Just tell them what you told me. Say it in the same tone.

I believe you. If you say it emphatically like that, the way you’re saying it now, the bank will too. She’d stop.

She’s heard my stories at readings. Likes them, I’m a good writer , and she has big, big tits.

Let’s go in the pool I say and she says I can’t swim. I could teach her.

New birds circled the highway. New flowers grew in the ditch.

He made her pull over so he could take a picture with a cactus. She had a hotel room in a little place that had hot mineral water, catered to German tourists. They sat in the giant tub, naked, as dusk fell over the desert and a roadrunner came up to drink from the pool.

Now I smell like rosemary. I got inside and smoked the second balloon and nodde d off listening to Patrice O’Neal.Shit Jobs: Telemarketing You’re sitting there in a tiny cubicle in a moldy beige room with acoustical tile and you are separated from a bear sized homeless man with a loud boom ing voice by what is basically urinal divider. You have a headset on, an old one with one foam earphone and a curly wire going into a battered phone. You are listening to a cavernous hiss.

And then it beeps and your back tenses and it’s showtime. “…. H ello? HELLO!!???!!!” The person on the other end of the line has been listening to silence and clicks for five seconds.

You want something better , you can fucking pay for my food bills rent car, and then sit patie ntly while I take that free money and spend it on Southeast Asian whores for six months to a year before I type a word. Talk to me about your writing career . Show me how you did it.

Every book by someone alive who isn’t Houellebecq I can’t get 30 pages into. You all suck.

You go ahead. There was something about the air. Not a smell but something cold he could feel in his lungs.

He hesitated. Then held his breath and climbed down into the dark.Evaluation He needed a raise.

Anyone who’ s fucking anyone else, it’ll never work. Y ou can’ t stay together .

That means everyone. Well what about you. You’re fucking other people.

Every time she went to take a piss I dug for her dirty panties. Sniffed them like they were an oxygen mask and I was trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center.

We’re not going to have sex, she said, as we smoked out the bathroom window. Fine.

Dad had cops in three towns plus the staties after him because he (REDACTED). I don’t know what O’Hara did.

Back then you could just leave town. Tonight, back on a plane for the funeral. In between– work, come home.

Smell your filthy punk pussy on my couch cushions for days. Tell daddy you’re a fat cunt, baby.

How about it. Nerdy Jim Henson looking guy with his fatassed Chinese girlfriend . They look happy together.

It was teak, modeled after a Polynesian ship. Do you like the river, she asked.

Yes, he had; he had seen cave swallows. Some kind of wild jungle turkey digging a hollow for its nest.

Power lines come down from my house, down the hill to the street, and the other day the rare red- whiskered bulbu l landed there and looked at me. He was with his four children.

I was afraid he'd die alone. But he caught a break. The Spirit One morning there was a girl on the Gold Line.

I can tell my worth from where the needle lands. But let’s be honest: I’ll fuck anything that moves; I’m an animal; I’ll jerk it to porn where the women look like something they pulled out of the Mariana Trench so why not fuck them in real life.

Four months since you left me. I’ve been trying to replace you the whole time.

Licking her fat tongue. Playing with her coarse black horse tail hair as it cascad es over my inguinal crease.

Pushing raw into her tortured little shitpipe with just my spit as she squeals into the pillow. Pumping twice and spurting goo so hard at such high pressure my urethra stings.

It happens all the time. She would only be a little late. She went back into the bathroom to check on herself.

No bruises, no scratches. Everything looked fine, except the blood. Fortunately the soap was sitting on top of the sink.Can’t Live with ‘Em, Can’t Live without ‘Em This is what I remember.

They stopped. Gathered my testimony while Kim dropped his wallet on the ground and mumbled. Lifted up his shirt and stood there stroking his naked belly awaiting a Korean speaking officer.

They gave him a field sobriety test. He fell over. Said “NERVOUS”.

My friends told me not to go out with you. I can see why they’d say that. Is that what you’re going to do to me? Take me home and fuck me on your couch and never talk to me again? Not the last part. How do I know that? Look, I wouldn’t believe me either. But I’m going to be honest.

This is my last OKCupid date. My sponsor told me to get off it.

Just their own mates and young. My predatory arthropods: fucking bums.

Like having a lion infestation, still being constantly gored by wildebeest. Women Recently Now I’m thinking about her while she’s not thinking about me. Has not ever thought about me.

Let yourself be happy . When it stops– if it’ s tomorrow , if it’ s death– you had it. Oh God I Was a Fucking Fool to Let Her Go She texted me back. Didn’ t want to go to work this morning.

Wanted to spend those hours telling her: come back. I’ll quit.

I didn’t leave you, she said. I’m sorry I gave up– You didn’t yet, she said. I didn’t want to lose you. You’re still here. But why did you let me go.

It’s not safe. A hymn played. Things were indeed wrapping up.

We’ll have a little chuckle. The mood will be ruined.

I will continue shuffling my flagging erection into you in a workmanlike manner but I won’t be able to cum. I’ll jokingly apologize and get up and get more booz e.

Full frame and both panels. Really it’s a magnificent piece of work; this god damn closet door should be in a museum.

She wants money for the whole thing, and now, not out of my deposit. I’m sure she can get it, legally .

It didn’ t matter . She had the most money .

She was inevitable. America is a shit country . All there is to it.

A training video has explained that you caramelize the buns to prevent them from absorbing the condiments and becoming soggy. I liked that they didn’t condescend to you– they kept the word “caramelize” instead of some proprietary corporate buzzword that was less hard to say.

Caramelize. Ketchup, mustard out of big metal cups with handles where you pull a trigger and it dispenses the perfect amount; pickles laid with care not to overlap, onions.

I’d been eyefucking her all night. Once in a while she’d look up and our eyes would meet. Well here, I say, let me take a picture of myself.

You can send it to him. She texts herself the picture.

They must have cost thousands. Well to each his own, he thought.

I’m glad the old man has something he loves. He got his black pleather attache and his tupperware of leftover pot roast. Locked up and headed down the hill to the bus.

Perpetually blasting hot yogurty goo into impossibly tight wet adolescent cunts. On the other end, my face, a team of servants stuffs nutrients necessary to continue pumping forth oceans of crawly ejaculate.

Healthy foods such as blueberries and yams. Brussels sprouts.

Tinder, full of comedians from TV. I don’t want you to feel bad, I told her. It’s just that everything I felt for you got shut off like a light switch. But I’m happy you had a good t ime. A halfway attractive woman’s life: men falling out of the trees.

Men so handsome your own face is a cruel joke. They’re six foot eight.

Their own Coinbase auctioning futures on my pineal gland. Hidden exchange s where malformed reptile men place long bets on your slow death, and win.

The Bitcoin Friday he got off late from the coffee shop. Had to walk up the hobo alley off Abbott Kinney in the dark, to the residential street where he’d parked his Mercury Topaz.

Just need a woman to share it with. I have no money.

I drive a certified pre owned mid size family sedan. When you lift any object in my house it’s like a log in the forest after rain.

Through storms. She kept me safe.

I brought my cat home in this car… Her? I’m sorry. I know it’s ridiculous. It’s not. It’s hard to leave her. I know. He turned the key.

A man screaming in the street: what the fuck is wrong with this country . Could this be it.

Echo Park has New York rent but Mexican crime and infrastructure. Once in a while the wate r comes out green.

I’d like to bury my raw helmet in those sweaty yeasty folds, all pungent in the summer heat. Let me know your thoughts.

I say nothing. Another one sits. She is cute, maybe 25.

It has a quote that it’s the best novel of my generation by The New Yorker ‘s Jia fuckin Tolentino. Why don’t I have that, I said.

The pink cover and the Kirkus Reviews quote. She said write better books.

He needed to let him in, the coyotes were out– and he was standing with his father. Big as a bear with scars from tattoos rubbed off with a wire brush. When he was five they’d found a pigeon in the street.

Stomped on but alive. His father made a splint for its wing.

Maybe in a past life but not at 2PM when it’s sunny out. When we’ve been chatting about herdissertation.

Sipping herbal tea. She didn’ t like it because I wasn’ t punching her temple like she wanted.

The johns all wanted to talk. How do you have so many lonely men and 9/11 only happened once.

So many lonely men yet science spent billions finding zero calorie sweeteners. Nothing on growing teenage girls in axolotl tanks.

What will they get me for– corporate espionage? I have to go back to work I have to go back to work. There’s a merger but I won’t even get fired. Maybe they’ll hire another cute girl. So every pig in the office doesn’t have to get horny for poor Marcy fucking Pendergrass. He had a dream about a dying seal in a black ocean with his mother’s face.

At 4AM he woke up when his computer speakers blasted a Windows notification. Cheerful chimes.

He shifted back fast. Caught it on his black pants and his other hand instead. The soft place between his finger and thumb burned like a hornet sting.

That’s right bitch, he said.The Youth They were on Skype. Hello baby, said Joy. Hello beautiful She was in her hotel uniform.

He’d said OK because he wanted to sniff their Lesbian sex on his sheets after but they’d just got drunk and broken everything. The father died.

The cat died. She left. The landlady wanted $300 for the mirror. He thought if he asked her to fix the stove, which just broke on its own, it would be a wash.

I’m not ready for you to go. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.

I love you forever and I can’t let you go, I can’t.You were a sweetheart. You were a tough bastard.

There’s a ripple effect going on here folks. The 605 and 710 are a sea of red. The 101 is stop and go through downtown past Hollywood.

And the 5 is on fire, the commuters have begun torching their cars and eating passengers’ flesh. Trees blackened.

I’ll know everything else you say is also a lie. It’s natural, but I feel like a miscreant. Three blocks to Patra Burger.

Looking, trying not to look like I’m looking. Young girls shaking their asses in tiny skirts and little black underwear.

For a full minute the Emergency Broadcast System tone played, indicating an emergency. No shit.

He turned it off. What happened, she said again. He said: nuclear holocaust. I have to find my parents– Where are they? El Cerrito– they retired out here– They’re probably dead.

Stay away from the girls, he said. But you weren’t a girl that way.

What if I’d done a good job. What if you came to AA and lived.

Pinch a couple water cooler bottles from work. Get a 40 dollar satchel of Costco beef jerky; enough calories to take me through the ice age.

Because you’d have shot yourself with the gun. You’d have got bored, opened up the beef jerky pouch.

Always married. Always kids.

The wife successful too. Something cool. TV writer , Netflix, HBO.

Answer in garbled half- English when I ask if I should take my underwear off…. I’m getting her mixed in with the Thai massage I got yesterday. The masseuse was fat but she walked on my back anyway.

Spine poppe d like a machine gun. She kept pulling down my underwear to get at my ass.

When you fuck and she’s on top the dog grinds its twat on your shinbone. Maybe she’ll think it was the dog. Except if the dog ever sharted you better god damn believe she wouldn’t let it snuggle up in her howeverthefuckmany thread count real job girl sheets. Fuck.

You did. You must have.

Not have jerked off in 18 days. Force fed a Clockwork Orange eye diet of that Abercrombie CEO’ s inner life.

Airtight NDAs executed. A fat woman with huge gums, still more appealing than a chiseled teen boy with fresh breath and a good haircut.

You drape two slices of cheese offset at a forty five degree angle so there is cheese in every bite. The videos are good at explaining why you do things.

They didn’t need to; they could have just told me put the cheese at a forty five degree angle because I fucking said so, but they took the time and I appreciated it. Wrap the sandwich in the snug origami-like proprietary McDonald’s fashion.

Two to one ratio but one cute girl smoking alone. Mexican in Converse.

1981 Love and Rockets. You look like the girl who blew Eric Stoltz in Rules of Attraction , he said. He knew she would know it. Haha– that’ s not the only thing she did in that movie. The less said about the rest the better . I actually love that movie. Me too.

I loved them. You knew you were preparing a sandwich for one particular person just the way they liked it.

A machine spat out instructions on receipt tape in purple ink and you had to run over and grab them and hustle to make the sandwich. When you fucked one up the manager would walk back with the tape and point out to you what it said and ask you: how did this happen? You forget that it’s McDonald’s; it’s literally the least prestigious job in the world, people laugh at you for having it, and your net income is two dollars and fifty cents an hour.

Clothes aren’ t so bad. My face isn’t so bad, my soul– I’m not so fucking bad man.

I’m not so fucking bad to be around. I daresay it’s usually pleasant and occasionally fun to be with me.

I tell him I’m a writer . Can I read your stuff he says, and I almost say yes except I rememb er I wrote about killing his family .

I have an uncle who’s involved in the blogosphere, he tells me. Self help stuff about how to get rich.

I am a healthy and functioning human being. Honest in all affairs.

Guided by a loving God to be of service to others. But Jesus, who gives a fuck– the one thing I can’t do is get pussy.

Whether they use facial cleanser or not, it arises, persists, then simply goes away. But brand affinity established at 12 drives purchase through adulthood. There were 30 slides.

He only fucked up once. The pie chart over a photo of Sparkle.

If you could cheat you would too. What you’re mad about is you can’t. She went partying with cute boys.

Good for her. Can’t be mad for her being the animal she is.

The web site said 25 years. It was his birthday.

He was 40.Second Date I want to suck your cock, she said. They were in her son’s bedroom.

You will never have enough money to just fucking relax. But they make you believe you might.

The thing they do in hell is make you think you might get out. ** Wednesday I need kids. I’ll impregnate the next girl who fucks me.

Got a blurry and unflattering shot of his nose in the back mirror . It looked enormous. Holding the backwards camera in the backwards mirror with his backwards hands it took ten tries to get it.

But this was important. Finally there it was. Pink meat under hair .

People like you are why Brexit happened. Racists– Brexit was about Polish people– are they not white You spread hate and those fucking people read it and that’s why we had Trump–Jesus Christ can you let it go? He’ s gone. Yeah just like V oldemort was gone Oh my fucking God is this real– How can you not get this, she said.

You think you’re fucked up because you were alone so long. But you were alone because you’re so fucked up.

She is also married but up front about it. Open relationship.

I want to meet a nice girl but instead I’m going to fuck seven girls in seven days. I start a new job Monday and it’ll kill my dating life.

Later I noticed bleach spots on my carpet. Like the man said: the Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. You Will Have Nothing That You Want Thirsty but not thirsty enough to fuck girls ugly enough to fuck me. Supposed to write today .

Won’t happen. I have ideas in the shower .

There was a moment she gave up. Was it because she was hot enough, or was she just tired of fightin g.

Will you cum in my mout h, she said. Maybe she was afraid I’d cum in her.

Now his descendants are in Paris Review. My father was a pipefitter.

He did jail time for stealing tires in Alabama. I was at that school on scholarship, to get bootstrapped out of 10,000 years of pregnant teen alcoholics.

Spiky haired men with lizard faces strolling out of an alley with two knobby kneed twelve year olds in tow. They’ve got friends, he volunteers. Men in clothes so bad that jokes haven’t made it there yet.

It’s not Tapout, Ed Hardy. Not fedoras.

She would talk to me when he left me. I was 29 years old– she held my hand like a little girl– my dad I’m sorry. They’re all gone, my sister, oh my God, my sister… Suddenly he remembered his mother’s hair and he was crying too.

I’m alone, I’m alone, she was saying, and he reached over his camo compound bow and razor tipped feral hog arrows and held on to her palm and she let him. They cried for a long time.

I cannot tell my mother about this. She likes to hear about the cat though. I can tell her about birds I’ve seen and days I’ve spent in the park or mountains, and meals I’ve prepared.

We can discuss different techniques forroasting a chicken, though frankly, I have absolutely perfected roasting a chicken and it should be a one sided conversation. But she tipped me off to a side dish where you simply halve a baguette and sit the chicken right on top of it, allowing fats and juices to soak into the bread which becomes a moist, rich, crusty sort of toast.

Everything is exactly the same. I’m 42 years old. Blue State Pool party in LA.

And of course now says the podcast writer to the bearded man with antler tattoos who gives a 6/10 to the Steampunk Cafe, you have these alt right incels . Involuntary celibate , they’re racists from the manospher e and they’re on these message boards.

They were the unhappiest people he’d ever seen. It was monsoon season.

Between rains he’d see their eyes in puddles like his own death. ** You use condom, she said. No, he said.

Really I was scared. Well what about “Kiss Joy as it Flies.” It’s too corny, I tell her. But it’s true, she says.

Yeah but I can’t be titling shit after William Blake on my blog about fucking whores and taking shits. Stop being afraid to be corny, she says.

Too bad about your fuckin’ muppet eyebrows but I can look past that. You didn’t choose to be Armenian.

I want to rut with you like a mandrill and I want it so god damn bad I can’t form a sentence, is what I’m saying. Anyway do y ou come here often. Impossible.

Got to leave me some, he said. Nice enough smile but his hand back on the gun.

22 won’tdo much, said Dusty, but he remembered Speed Racer killing a moose with one in a movie. Based on a true story.

There is nothing. We are wearing virtually no fabric. I shrug, and we bone anyway. How about it.What Do You Do, Part 4 You know those Staples commercials where they show corporate board meetings.

Where it’s clear that the people who made the commercial never had a job. That’s what my office looks like.

Billions spent to make a robot kick a soccer ball when who the fuck asked for one more soccer player. Drones controlled from a storage locker outside Vegas precisely target tables at Yemeni weddings but the killer at the joystick can’t get a second date.

They made a movie about Joaquin Phoenix falling in love with Siri. Hey Siri, he said.

We gotta get a cab. She kept yelling.

So I thought: fuck it. I asked her to open the gate so I could go.

His phone vibrated. His heart stopped for a second.

What if it was her . It was a friend. A guy.

Say nothing. Let her fight it out in her own head and come back to… w hat, the truth? No, this was a woman. But she was different. She was leaving him or not.

Either way, fine. But the first time a girl says goodby e is a fakeout.

When he tells you the black streetwalkers are down to fifty bucks for an around the world you can almost hear an orchestra behind him. Later he’ll get arrested for shooting a man in the face with a pellet gun in a bar fight.

He will be looking at life in prison due to his record, and his own mother will fly out from Georgia to testify against him. He is actually a sweet man and does not deserve this. Down the row is a man who tells you he is an ordained Eastern Orthodox priest, who won’t shut the fuck up about what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for him.

Anyway I don’t miss it. What now. Is this some merc y nature gave me.

Wait here’ s a fat girl bending over in a dress. True Love is Real True love is real.

And I’m glad to be friends with you. But now I’m suppos ed to ask you the same question and the one thing I can’t ever hear is you talking about another man. So let’s move on to other topics. This curry, for instance.

Spicy. In the morning I went to shit out the curry. On the toilet tank was a Kafka book I found on the sidewalk.

But I want a laser pointer. I want to get it in the pilot’s eye and have him flinch and lose the stick for one second.

The bird goes down in fire, he burns alive, his children fatherless. Always at three in the morning.

Less than 9% of couples stayed together for the jackpot. Most partnerships terminated for abuse claims. A year later I spent my last Freedom Dividend. Hard to find the right material.

Amazo n wouldn’ t ship what you needed. Am I fucked up from being alone so long.

Less spinach more burritos. Less family more dirtbags.

More cocaine. More of the girls who come with cocaine.

Her heater was making his arm hairs curl back. Japanese girl forehead rippling like wind blowing over dunes. OK, let’s forget this, Alexa.

You’re amazing. I love you, I love you just the way you are.

She had a tightpussy but was preoccupied with her custody dispute. He invited me back out today to film a gang bang.

I’m valuable in porn since I cum at will. The actress will be made up like Fiona from Shrek.

Crank out clickbait that got me a billion views. I could do all this because: who cares.

No point to anything. Without sex no reason to live.