Output:
“The Tathagata Buddha gave us these instructions,” the arhats replied. “He said, ‘That fiend has very great magic powers. If you lose your golden cinnabar sand tell Sun Wukong to go to Lord Lao Zi’s Tushita Palace in the Lihen Heaven to find out about the fiend’s background. If he does that he may be able to capture the monster easily.’”

“What a horrible thing to do,” said Monkey. “The Buddha’s tricked me again. He should have told me before and spared you this long journey.”

“As those are the Buddha’s clear instructions you should be on your way as soon as possible,” said Heavenly King Li.


Output:
Splendid Monkey. Saying, “I’m off!” he sent his somersault cloud straight in through the Southern Gate of Heaven, where the four marshals raised their hands in greeting and asked how the capture of the demon was going. “I haven’t got him yet,” said Monkey without stopping, “but I now know where to find out about his background.” Not daring to delay him, the four marshals let him pass through. He did not go to the Hall of Miraculous Mist or the Palace of the Dipper and the Bull, but went straight to the gates of the Tushita Palace in the Lihen Heaven that lies beyond the thirty-three heavens, where he saw two immortal boys standing in attendance. Monkey did not report his name but rushed straight in, to the consternation of the boys who grabbed him.

“Who are you?” they asked, “and where are you going?”

“I am the Great Sage Equaling Heaven,” Monkey replied, “and I’m here to see Lord Lao Zi.”


Output:
“How could you be so ill-mannered?” the boys said. “Just wait there while we make a report.” Allowing no further discussion Monkey shouted at them and went straight in, colliding with Lord Lao Zi who was coming out to meet him.

“Haven’t seen you for ages, old fellow,” said Monkey after bowing and uttering a respectful “re-e-er.”

“Why are you here, you little monkey, instead of going to fetch scriptures?” asked Lord Lao Zi with a smile. To this Monkey replied,

“To fetch the holy scriptures

I toil day and night,

And now that I’m in trouble

To see you would be right.”

“What have your troubles on the road to the Western Heaven to do with me?” Lord Lao Zi asked. Monkey’s answer was:

“Of the Buddha’s West Heaven

Please don’t talk today.

It’s to follow a trail

That I’ve come up this way.”

“But this is a Supreme Immortals’ palace,” Lord Lao Zi replied, “so how can you be following anyone’s trail up here?”


Output:
Monkey went into the palace and looked about him with great concentration. When he had gone along a number of covered walkways he noticed a boy sleeping by the buffalo pen, from which the water-buffalo was missing. “Old man,” shouted Monkey, “your buffalo’s escaped, your buffalo’s escaped.”

“When did that wicked beast get away?” asked Lord Lao Zi with horror. The noise woke up the boy, who knelt before Lord Lao Zi and said, “My lord, I was asleep. I don’t know when it went.”

“When did you go to sleep, you little wretch?” asked Lord Lao Zi angrily.

“I picked up an elixir pill in the elixir laboratory and ate it,” replied the boy with kowtows, “then went to sleep here.”


Output:
“I suppose you ate one of the seven-fired elixir tablets that must have been dropped when I refined them the other day, damn you,” said Lord Lao Zi. “One of those tablets would make you sleep for seven days. The evil beast took the chance to escape and go down to the mortal world when you went to sleep and left it unguarded. That must have been seven days ago.” He then ordered an inspection to find out if it had stolen any treasures.

“It doesn’t have any treasures, only a terrible ring,” said Monkey.

When Lord Lao Zi made an urgent check he found that nothing was missing except a diamond jade bangle. “The evil beast must have stolen my Diamond Jade Bangle,” said Lord Lao Zi.

“So that’s what his treasure is,” said Monkey, “that’s what he fought me with. Goodness only knows how many of our weapons he’s caught with that now he’s rampaging around in the mortal would.”

“Where is that wicked beast now?” Lord Lao Zi asked.


Output:
“In the Jindou Cave on Mount Jindou, where he’s holding the Tang Priest and has captured my gold-banded cudgel. I asked for the help of heavenly soldiers, and he took Prince Nezha’s magic weapons. When I invited the Star Lord of Fire to come his fire-raising equipment and creatures were taken. Although the Earl of the Yellow River couldn’t drown him, at least his gear wasn’t taken. Then when I asked the Buddha to send his arhats to scatter their golden cinnabar sand the demon took all that too. It looks as though you are guilty of a very serious crime in allowing a thieving and murderous monster to get away.”

“That Diamond Jade Bangle is a treasure I refined and created after I went out through the Han Pass to convert the foreigners. Nothing can get anywhere near it, not weapons, fire or water. But if my Plantain Fan had been stolen not even I would have been able to do anything about it”


Output:
Monkey was feeling very pleased as he accompanied Lord Lao Zi, who was carrying his Plantain Fan, out of the palace by auspicious cloud. Once they were through the Southern Gate of Heaven they brought the cloud straight down to Mount Jindou, where Lord Lao Zi greeted the eighteen arhats, the thunder gods, the Earl of the Yellow River, the Star Lord of Fire, Heavenly King Li and Prince Nezha, who told him all about what had happened. “For me to catch him Sun Wukong will have to go down to lure him out once more,” Lord Lao Zi said.

Monkey jumped down from the peak and started yelling abuse once more. “Bloated, evil beast, come out and be killed.”

When the little devils reported once again the demon king said, “I wonder who the evil monkey has fetched this time.” He went out with his spear and his treasure to have Monkey cursing him once again.


Output:
“Vicious demon, you’re definitely going to die this time. Stay there, and take this!” Monkey leapt straight at him, punched the demon on the ear with a swing of his fist, turned and fled. The demon was going after him, wielding his spear, when a shout came from the top of the mountain: “Go home, buffalo. What are you waiting for?”

When the demon looked up and saw Lord Lao Zi he trembled with fear. “That thieving ape really is a devil. How did he ever persuade my master to come?”

When Lord Lao Zi recited a spell and fanned his fan once, the monster surrendered the ring which the lord caught in his hand. When he fanned it again all the strength went out of the monster, who reverted to his true form as a water-buffalo. Lord Lao Zi then blew on the Diamond Bangle with magic breath, put it thorough the buffalo’s nose, undid the sash at his own waist, threaded it through the ring and held it.


Output:
To this day water-buffaloes still have devices called pegs put through their noses through which a rope can be run: this does the same job.

Lord Lao Zi then took his leave of the gods, mounted the buffalo, and rode on his multicolored cloud up to the Tushita Heaven, taking the demon with him on its lead.

Only then could the Great Sage Sun, Heavenly King Li and all of the host charge into the cave, killing all the hundred and more big and little devils and recovering their weapons and equipment. Monkey thanked Heavenly King Li and Nezha, who went back to Heaven; the thunder gods, who returned to their residence; the Star Lord of Fire, who went to his palace; the Earl of the Yellow River who went to his river; and the arhats, who returned to the Western Heaven. Finally he released the Tang Priest, Pig and Friar Sand and took back his iron cudgel. When the three of them had thanked Monkey the horse and the luggage were got ready and master and disciples left the cave to find the main route to the West.


Output:
As they were walking along they heard a call of “Holy Tang Priest, have a vegetarian meal,” which startled the master. If you do not know who was calling, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Fifty-Three

The Dhyana Master Conceives after Eating a Meal

The Yellow-Wife Brings Water to Remove a Devil Foetus

Eight hundred kinds of virtue must be cultivated,

Three thousand good deeds must be secretly performed.

Do not distinguish objects from self, or friend from foe:

That conforms with the teaching of the Western Heaven.

The rhinoceros demon feared no weapons;

No blame attached to the failure of water and fire.

Lord Lao Zi subdued him and took him to Heaven,

Turning the buffalo round with a smile.


Output:
Turning the buffalo round with a smile.

The story goes on to tell who was calling by the wayside. The mountain god and local deity of Mount Jindou came out carrying a bowl of purple gold. “Holy monk,” they said, “this bowl of rice was begged by the Great Sage Monkey from a pious household. You fell into the clutches of an evil demon because you would not heed good advice, putting the Great Sage to endless trouble before he was finally able to free you today. Please eat this food before continuing on your way, and do not be ungrateful for the Great Sage’s respect and sense of duty.”

“I am very grateful to you, disciple,” said Sanzang, “and I cannot find words to express all my thanks. If I had realized before that I should not step out of the circle I would never have been in such danger of being killed.”


Output:
“I tell you frankly, Master,” said Brother Monkey, “that because you did not trust the ring I drew you ended up the victim of someone else’s ring. It caused so much trouble and suffering. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!”

“What do you mean about another ring?” Pig asked.

“It was all your fault, you evil-tongued cretin, for getting the master into that terrible danger,” said Monkey. “I had to turn heaven and earth upside down to fetch heavenly soldiers, water, fire, and even the Buddha’s cinnabar sand, all of which was caught by his gleaming white ring. It was only because the Buddha gave a hint to the arhats who told me where the demon had come from that I could fetch Lord Lao Zi to subdue him. He was a water-buffalo turned demon.”


Output:
“Good disciple,” said Sanzang with infinite gratitude when he heard this, “after this experience I shall definitely take your advice in future.” The four of them then ate the steaming food. “Why is this rice still hot after such a long time?” Monkey asked. “I heated it up myself when I knew that the Great Sage had succeeded,” replied the local deity on his knees. The food was soon eaten, after which they put the bowl away and took their leave of the local deity and the mountain god. The master remounted and they crossed the high mountain. Their minds freed from worries, they returned to true perception; dining on the wind and sleeping in the dew they continued to the West. When they had been travelling for a long time it was once again early spring. They heard

The soft call of swallows,

The beauty of orioles.

The soft call of swallows tiring their fragrant voices;

The beauty of orioles and their frequent song.

The land is covered with flowers like brocade,


Output:
The land is covered with flowers like brocade,

The emerald-green hills seem piled with cushions.

Fruit forms on the greengage trees on the ridge,

While an ancient cypress holds a cloud before the scar.

Pale is the misty light on the fertile plain;

Warm sands are bathed in the glow of sunset.

Orchards and trees now break into blossom;

Willows grow new shoots as the spring returns.

As they were walking along they came to a little river in which the water flowed cool, pure and deep. When he reined in his horse for a better look the Tang Priest could make out some of the roof of a thatched cottage under the green shade of willows. “That must be a ferryman’s house,” said Monkey, pointing at the cottage. “It looks likely enough,” replied Sanzang, “but I would not like to be too sure as I cannot see any boat.”


Output:
“Ferryman!” yelled Pig at the top of his voice, putting the luggage down. “Bring the boat over.” After a number of these shouts a rowing boat came creaking out from under the willows and was soon near their bank. When they looked carefully this is what they saw:

Short oars dividing the waves,

Lightly skimming on the water.

The hull is painted in many colours,

Enclosing a full hold.

Iron chains are neatly coiled in the bows,

And bright is the tiller in the stern.

Although the skiff is only as light as a reed

It is the equal of an ocean-going vessel.

It may have no ivory mast or silken rigging,

But it does have cassia oars and a sternpost of pine.

Indeed this is no ship for mighty voyages,

Just a ferry fit to cross a single stream,

Coming and going between the river’s banks,

Never leaving the ancient crossing place.

The boat was soon at the bank, “This way to cross the river,” called the boatman. Urging the horse forward for a closer look, Sanzang saw that the boatman looked like this:


Output:
A head wrapped in a toweling cloth,

Feet in black shoes of silk.

Many a patch on cotton-padded tunic and trousers,

And around the waist was a much-stitched cotton apron.

Horny skin on the hands, and muscles hard,

Eyes dim, a wrinkled brow, and an aged face.

But the voice was a melodious as an oriole’s song;

At a closer look she was clearly an old woman.

“Do you do the ferrying?” asked Monkey, approaching the boat.

“Yes,” the woman replied.

“Why isn’t the ferryman here?” Monkey asked. “Why has he left it to his wife to pole the boat?”

The woman smiled and said nothing as she put the gangplank into position. Friar Sand carried the luggage aboard while Monkey helped the master on then followed himself. Pig led the horse on, after which the plank was stowed. The woman pushed off and quickly rowed them across the river.


Output:
When they were on the Western bank Sanzang told Friar Sang to open one of the bundles and take out some coins to give her. The ferry woman did not argue about the amount, but moored the boat by its painter to a stake beside the water and went back into her cottage chuckling.

As he was thirsty and the water was so clear Sanzang said to Pig, “Get the bowl and fetch me some water to drink.” Pig did as he was told and handed the water to his master, who drank only about a third of it, leaving two-thirds for the idiot to snatch and down in a single draft before helping the master back on his horse.

Master and disciples had been going less than an hour on the road West when Sanzang started to groan, “My stomach’s hurting.”

“I’ve got the bellyache too,” said Pig, who was behind him.


Output:
“It must be because you drank cold water,” said Friar Sand, only to be interrupted by groans of “It’s agony!” from his master and Pig. The two of them were in unbearable pain and their abdomens were gradually swelling. When they felt with their hands there was something like a lump of flesh and blood moving and jerking around incessantly. Sanzang was feeling very unsteady when he noticed two bundles of straw hanging from the top of a tree in a village by the road.

“That’s good, Master,” said Monkey. “There’s a wineshop there. I’ll go and beg you some hot water and find out if anyone sells medicine there and will let you have some medicine to ease your pain.”


Output:
Sanzang was very pleased with the suggestion, so he whipped the white horse forward and was soon at the gates of the village, where he dismounted. An old woman was sitting on a bundle of straw outside the gates twisting hempen thread. Monkey went up to her, put his hands together in front of his chest in greeting, and said, “We monks have come from the Great Tang in the East. My master is the Tang Emperor’s younger brother, and he has a stomachache because he drank some water from a river.”

“Which river did you drink from?” asked the old woman, laughing aloud.

“From the clear river to the East of here,” replied Monkey.

“What a laugh,” chuckled the old woman, “what a laugh! Come inside and I’ll explain.”


Output:
Monkey supported Sanzang while Friar Sand helped pig into the thatched cottage where they sat down. The two of them were groaning in agony from their protruding bellies, their faces sallow and their foreheads creased with frowns. “Please boil some water for my master, missus,” said Monkey. “He must have it, and I’ll be very grateful.”

Instead of doing this she went into the back of the house, still chuckling, and called, “Come and see, come and see!” There was a slap of sandals inside as two or three middle-aged women came out to stare at Sanzang with grins across their faces. This made Monkey so angry that he shouted and bared his teeth at them, sending them all scurrying and stumbling inside in terror.

Monkey went after them, grabbed the old woman, and said, “Boil some water this minute and I’ll spare your life.”


Output: “My lord,” said the old woman, “hot water won’t be any use. I can’t do anything to help those two with their bellyaches. If you let me go I’ll tell you all about it.” When Monkey released her she continued, “This is the Womanland of Western Liang. All of us in this country are female, and there isn’t a man among us, which is why we were so pleased to see you. It’s terrible that the reverend father has drank from that river, which is called the Motherhood River. There is a Male-welcoming Post Station outside our capital with a Pregnancy-revealing Spring. In this country we only dare drink of the river’s water when we reach the age of twenty. After drinking it we feel the stomach pains of pregnancy. Three days later we go to the Pregnancy-revealing Spring at the Male-welcoming Post Station. If we see a double reflection in the waters we give birth to a child. Because your master has drunk from the Motherhood River he’s pregnant. He’s going to have a baby soon. What will a hot drink do to help that?”


Output:
Sanzang went pale with shock at the news.

“What am I to do, disciple?” he asked.

“I’m going to have a child, but I’m a man,” said Pig, writhing around in his agony. “Where will the child come out? How am I to give birth to it?”

“As the old saying goes, a melon falls when it’s ripe,” replied Monkey with a laugh. “When the time comes a hole will open under your ribs for it to be born through.”

This conversation made Pig shake with fear, and the pain was more than he could bear. “I can’t take any more,” he said, “I can’t take any more. I’m dying, I’m dying.”

“Stop fidgeting, brother,” said Friar Sand with a grin, “stop fidgeting or else you’ll get the umbilical cord in a twist and be ill before the birth.”

The idiot’s panic was now worse than ever as with tears in his eyes he held on to Monkey and said, “Brother, ask the old lady where there are midwives with a gentle touch and send for some. The pains are coming very close to each other now. They must be labor pains. It’ll be very soon now.”


Output:
“If they’re labor pains, brother, you’d better stop writhing about if you don’t want your waters to break,” said Friar Sand, still grinning.

“My good lady,” groaned Sanzang, “are there any doctors round here? Send one of my disciples to buy some medicine that will make me abort.”


Output:
“Medicine won’t be any use,” said the old woman. “There’s a Miscarriage Spring in Childfree Cave in Mount Offspring Dissolved on the road due South from here. To end your pregnancy you must drink the water of that spring. But the spring water cannot be had now as a Taoist called the As-you-will Immortal came here the other year and changed the Childfree Cave to the Hermitage of Immortals. He’s hoarding the waters of Miscarriage Spring, which he won’t give away. Anyone who wants water must take him rich gifts. You have to offer mutton, wine and fruit, and be very reverent indeed before you can get a bowl of the water from him. You travelling monks couldn’t possibly afford to do all that, so you’ll just have to let fate take its course and have the babies when your time comes.” Monkey, who was very pleased to learn all this, then asked how far it was to Mount Offspring Dissolved. “Ten miles,” the old woman replied.

“Fine,” said Monkey. “You can stop worrying, Master. I’ll go and get you some of the water.”


Output:
“Look after the master properly,” said the splendid Great Sage in his parting instructions to Friar Sand, “and if the people here try to bully him use your old trick of pulling a face to scare them till I get back with the water.”

Friar Sand was preparing to do as he was told when the old woman came out with a big earthenware bowl that she gave to Monkey. “Take this and fetch as much as you can,” she said, “so that we can keep some for emergencies.”

Monkey left the thatched cottage with the bowl in his hands and was off on his cloud, at which the old woman bowed to the sky and said, “That monk can ride on clouds, my lord.” Then she went inside and called the other women out to kowtow to the Tang Priest. They started calling him “arhat” and “Bodhisattva,” boiled water and prepared a meal to offer him.

Monkey’s somersault cloud soon brought him within sight of a mountain that blocked his cloud, so he brought it down to gaze at the superb mountain. He saw

A brocade of subtle blossoms,


Output:
A brocade of subtle blossoms,

Wild flowers spreading a green carpet,

Streams running into each other,

Brooks and clouds both at their ease.

Dense grow the creepers in many a valley,

And trees are packed close on a distant ridge.

While songbirds call wild geese fly over,

Deer drink, and gibbons climb.

The green line of peaks stands like a screen;

The blue rock face is shaped like a topknot.

It is hard to reach it across the drifting sands;

None could tire of watching the waterfall.

Taoist boys roam in search of herbs;

Foresters return with loads of firewood.

It is a worthy rival to Mount Tiantai,

And better than the threefold Huashan summit.

As the Great Sage was looking at the mountain he saw a farmhouse on its Northern slope from where the barking of dogs could be heard. The Great Sage went straight down the mountainside to the farm, which was indeed a splendid place:

A bridge across a lively stream,

A cottage sheltered by the hill,

Dogs barking by the broken fence,


Output:
Dogs barking by the broken fence,

A recluse who comes and goes at will.

Monkey was soon at the gate, where he saw an old Taoist sitting on a green cushion. Putting down the earthenware bowl, Monkey went forward to greet him. The Taoist returned his greeting with a bow from where he sat and asked, “Where have you come from? What business brings you here to this hermitage?”

“I have been sent by the emperor of the Great Tang in the East to fetch the scriptures from the Western Heaven,” Brother Monkey replied. “My master’s belly is unbearably painful and swollen because he drank some of the water of the Motherhood River. When we asked the local people they said it was because he is pregnant, and that there is no cure for this apart from the Miscarriage Spring in Childfree Cave in Mount Offspring Dissolved. So I have come especially to pay my respects to the As-you-will Immortal and beg him for some of the spring water with which to save my master. Could you be so kind as to show me the way?”


Output:
“This was Childfree Cave,” said the Taoist with a smile, “but now it’s called the Hermitage of Immortals. I am none other than the senior disciple of my master the As-you-will Immortal. Tell me your name and I will announce you.”

“I am the senior disciple of the Patriarch Tang Sanzang,” said Monkey politely, “and my name is Sun Wukong.”

“Where are your presents, your wine and your offerings?” the Taoist asked.

“I’m only a passing itinerant monk,” said Monkey, “so I haven’t been able to arrange them.”

“Fool!” said the Taoist with a laugh. “My master controls the spring and never gives any thing away for nothing. You’d better go and fetch your offerings if you want me to announce you, or else go away and forget about it.”

“People will do more as a favour than on the emperor’s command,” Monkey replied. “Go and tell him my name and he’s bound to do me this favour. He might even give me the whole spring.”


Output:
The Taoist went in to report all this to the immortal, who was playing his qin zither, and waited till he had finished before saying, “Master, there’s a Buddhist monk outside who says he’s Sun Wukong, the senior disciple of Tang Sanzang. He is asking for some of the water of the Miscarriage Spring to save his master with.” Had the immortal not been told this the matter would have ended there, but at the name of Sun Wukong anger surged up from his heart and evil grew from his gall. He sprang to his feet, stepped down from the low table on which he was playing the qin, changed from his informal clothes into his Taoist robes, and rushed out through the gates of his hermitage with his As-You-Will hook in his hands. “Where is Sun Wukong?” he shouted, and Monkey turned to see that he looked like this:

On his head was a star-crown of many colours,

And his magic robe was red with threads of gold.

The cloud-shoes on his feet were thickly embroidered;

The jade belt at his waist was delicately worked.


Output:
His wave-treading hosiery was of brocade,

And glimpses showed of a silk velvet underskirt.

He held a golden As-You-Will hook,

Long-handled with a base shaped like a dragon.

Bright were his phoenix eyes, and lotus-like his brows;

Steel-sharp were his teeth, and his lips bright crimson.

He looked more evil still than Marshal Wen

Although he wore a different kind of dress.

When Monkey saw him he put his hands together and said, “My name, sir, is Sun Wukong.”

“Are you really Sun Wukong,” said the Taoist master with a smile, “or are you just pretending to be?”

“What a thing to ask, sir! As the saying goes, a gentleman never changes his name whether he’s travelling or staying at home. I am indeed Sun Wukong. Why should I want to pretend?”

“Do you know who I am?” the Taoist master asked.


Output:
“Do you know who I am?” the Taoist master asked.

“I’ve been converted to the Buddhist faith and follow Buddhist teachings,” Monkey said. “I’ve grown distant from the friends of my child hood on this long journey and I haven’t visited any. I’m afraid I don’t quite recognize you. I only know your name because the people in the village West of Motherhood River told me that you are the As-you-will Immortal.”

“You’re busy on your journey, and I am busy cultivating my true arts,” the Taoist replied, “so why have you come to see me?”

“Because my master is pregnant and has a belly ache after mistakenly drinking water from the Motherhood River,” said Monkey. “I’ve come to your immortal abode to beg you for a bowl of water from the Miscarriage Spring with which to deliver him from his agony.”

“Is your master Tang Sanzang?” asked the Taoist with an angry glare.

“Yes, yes,” said Brother Monkey.

“Did you ever meet the Boy Sage King?” asked the Taoist, gnashing his teeth with hatred.


Output:
“That was the title of the demon Red Boy in the Fire-cloud Cave by Withered Pine Ravine on Mount Hao,” Monkey replied. “Why are you asking about him, immortal?”

“He is my nephew,” the immortal replied. “I am the brother of the Bull Demon King. He wrote me a letter telling me how Sun Wukong, the vicious senior disciple of Tang Sanzang, destroyed the boy. It was my great regret that I had no way of taking revenge on you here, but now you’ve come to my door begging for water.”

“You are mistaken, sir,” said Monkey, putting on a smile. “Your respected elder brother used to be a friend of mine, and we were two of seven sworn brothers in my youth. The only reason I did not come to pay my respects earlier was because I did not know your address. Your good nephew has done very well. He’s now serving the Bodhisattva Guanyin as the page Sudhana. He’s much better off than the rest of us, so why be so angry with me?”


Output:
“Damned ape!” shouted the Taoist master. “How dare you argue like that? Is my nephew better off as a slave than he was when he enjoyed the delights of being a king? Learn to behave yourself, and try a taste of my hook.”

Monkey parried with his iron cudgel and said, “Don’t talk about fighting. Give me some of the spring water instead.”

“Vicious ape,” the Taoist master said again, “you don’t know whether you want to live or die. If you can hold out against me for three rounds I’ll give you your water, but if you can’t I shall avenge my nephew by cutting you up and stewing you in soy sauce.”

“I’ll get you, you impudent and evil creature,” replied the Great Sage. “If you want a fight try my cudgel.” The Taoist master blocked it with his hook, and the two of them fought a fine battle by the Hermitage of Immortals.

The holy monk conceived after drinking from a river,

So Monkey went to call on the As-you-will Immortal,

Not knowing that the Taoist was in fact a monster,


Output:
Who had used his powers to seize the Miscarriage Spring.

When he met Monkey old hatreds were revived:

They were locked in struggle and neither would yield.

As they talked on he became ever angrier,

Evilly determined to have his revenge.

One came for water to save his master’s life,

Which the other would not give for his nephew’s sake.

More lethal than a scorpion was the as-out-will hook,

While the gold-banded cudgel struck like a dragon,

The cudgel kept thrusting savagely at the chest,

While the hook made subtle cuts to the legs.

Grievous were the wounds where the cudgel fell,

And the hook rose from the shoulders to strike at the head.

The cudgel swung round the waist

Like a hawk after a sparrow;

The hook struck thrice at the head

Like a mantis catching a cicada.

They came and went as they struggled for mastery,

The ebb and flow of battle taking them forward and back.

There was nothing to choose between cudgel and hook;

Neither contender emerged as the victor.


Output:
Neither contender emerged as the victor.

After the Taoist master had fought over ten rounds with the Great Sage but was no match for him Monkey struck at the head with more ferocity than ever, his cudgel’s blows falling like a stream of shooting stars. Completely exhausted, the Taoist master fled down the mountainside trailing his As-You-Will hook behind him.


Output: Instead of pursuing him Monkey went to the hermitage in search of water, only to find that the other Taoist had already fastened the gates. Holding the earthenware bowl in his hands he went straight up to the gates, kicked through them with all his strength, and rushed in. The Taoist disciple was crouching behind the well’s railings. The Great Sage shouted at him, raised his cudgel, and was about to kill him when the Taoist fled into the back. Monkey had just fetched a bucket and was on the point of filling it with spring water from the well when the master came up behind him, caught his feet with the hook, and sent him sprawling on the ground. The Great Sage pulled himself to his feet and started hitting back with his cudgel. The Taoist master swerved aside and said, wielding the hook, “We’ll see if you can steal the water from my well.”


Output:
“Come here,” shouted Monkey, “come here. I’ll get you, you evil creature, and I’ll beat you to death.” The Taoist master did not go for Monkey but just stood guard over the well, preventing him from drawing any water, Seeing that he was not moving, Monkey whirled his cudgel round and round with his left hand and in his right took the bucket, which he sent noisily down the well on the rope. The Taoist master came back to the attack with his hook. Monkey, unable to hold him off one-handed, was tripped round his legs again and sent sprawling, dropping the bucket and rope down the well.

“What a way to behave,” remarked the Great Sage, getting back on his feet and taking his cudgel in both hands to lash wildly back. Once again the Taoist master fled, unable to face him. The Great Sage still wanted to draw some water but now he had no bucket and was also worried that he might be tripped by the hook again. “I’d better get someone to help me,” he thought.


Output:
The splendid Great Sage turned his cloud round, went straight back to the cottage door, and shouted, “Friar Sand.” When Sanzang and Pig, who were groaning and moaning in agony, heard his shout they said with relief, “Friar Sand, Wukong’s back.”

Friar Sand opened the door as quickly as he could, asking, “Have you got the water, brother?”

When Monkey came in and told them what had happened Sanzang said with tears in his eyes, “What are we to do, disciple?”

“I’ve come to take Brother Sand back to the hermitage with me,” Monkey replied. “He’ll fetch the water to save you while I fight that damned Taoist.”

“If both you healthy ones go and abandon us invalids who will look after us?” Sanzang asked.


Output:
“Don’t worry, venerable arhat,” said the old woman who was standing beside them. “You won’t need your disciples. We can look after you. We were very kind to you when you first came, and now that we have seen how that Bodhisattva can travel by cloud we know that you are arhats and Bodhisattvas. We could never possibly harm you.”

“You women,” snorted Monkey, “you wouldn’t dare hurt anyone.”

“You don’t know your luck, my lord,” the old woman replied with a smile. “If you’d gone to any other house you’d never have come out in one piece.”

“What do you mean?” Pig groaned.

“All of us in this family are getting on,” the old woman replied, “and desire doesn’t bother us any more, which is why we didn’t harm you. If you’d gone to another household with women of different ages the younger ones would never have let you go. They’d have forced you to sleep with them, and if you’d refused they’d have murdered you and cut all the flesh off your bodies to put in perfume bags.”


Output:
“In that case I’d have been safe,” said Pig. “The others smell lovely, just right for a perfume bag, but I’m a stinking boar and any flesh cut off me would stink too. I’d come to no harm.”

“Stop boasting,” said Brother Monkey with a smile, “and save your strength for the delivery.”

“Fetch the water as soon as you can. Don’t waste any time,” the old woman said.

“Do you have a well-bucket on a rope I could borrow?” Monkey asked. The old woman went out to the back and brought in a bucket on a rope as well as a spare coil of rope that she handed to Friar Sand. “Take both ropes in case the well is so deep you need them,” she said.


Output:
Friar Sand took the bucket and the ropes, left the cottage with Monkey, and flew off on the same cloud. It took them less than an hour to reach Mount Offspring Dissolved, where they landed directly outside the gates of the hermitage. “Take the bucket and the ropes,” Monkey told Friar Sand, “and hide over there. Let me challenge him to battle. When the fight’s going good and strong sneak in, fetch the water, and take it back.” Friar Sand accepted his orders.

Brandishing his iron cudgel the Great Sage Sun went up to the gates and shouted, “Open up! Open up!”

When the gate-keeper saw him he hurried inside to report, “Master, Sun Wukong’s here again. The Taoist master was furiously angry.”

“That evil ape is utterly impossible. I’ve long heard of his powers and now I know what they really are. That cudgel of his is unbeatable.”

“Master,” said the other Taoist, “his powers may be great, but you’re as good as he is. You are a match for him.”

“He beat me the last two times,” said the master.


Output:
“Yes,” said the other, “but that was just because he went for you with such fury. You tripped him up with your hook twice when he was trying to draw water, so that leveled the score, didn’t it? He had to run away. If he’s back now it must be because he’s had to. I expect Sanzang’s been complaining too much as his pregnancy’s so far advanced. I’m sure that he’s feeling resentful of his master. You’re absolutely bound to win this time, master.”

This pleased the Taoist immortal and made him feel very cheerful as he went out through the doors. His face was wreathed in smiles, his manner imposing, and his hook in his hands. “Wicked ape, what are you back here for?” he shouted.

“Just to fetch some water,” Monkey replied.

“It’s my well,” said the immortal, “and even if you were a king or a minister you’d still have to made me presents and offer mutton and wine before I gave you any. On top of that you’re my enemy. How dare you come here empty-handed expecting water?”


Output:
“Do you refuse to give me any?” Monkey asked.

“Yes,” said the immortal, “I won’t.”

“Vicious and evil beast,” Monkey yelled, “if you won’t give me the water, take this!” He dropped his guard to strike hard with his cudgel at the immortal’s head. The immortal dodged the blow and struck back with his hook. It was an even finer combat than the previous one.

The gold-banded cudgel,

The As-You-Will hook,

And two fighters filled with hatred and anger.

The flying sand and stones darkened earth and sky;

The clouds of dust and dirt made sun and moon seem sad.

The Great Sage was fetching water to save his master;

That the evil immortal refused for his nephew’s sake.

Both sides fought with equal vigor

In their battle that allowed no rest.

They struggled for victory with tight-clenched jaws,

Gritting their teeth as they strove to win.

With growing skill

And ever-greater vigor

They breathed out clouds to frighten gods and ghosts.

Noisily rang the clash of their weapons


Output:
Noisily rang the clash of their weapons

As their battle cries shook the mountains and hills.

They were a whirlwind wrecking a forest,

A pair of murderous fighting bulls.

As the battle went on the Great Sage felt happier

And the Taoist immortal had ever more energy.

Each was determined to carry on the fight;

Neither would give up till the issue was resolved.

The two of them leapt around in their fight from the gates of the hermitage to the mountain slope. It was a long and bitter struggle.

When Friar Sand rushed in through the gates with the bucket in his hand the Taoist disciple blocked his way and asked, “Who do you think you are, coming to steal our water?” Friar Sand put down his bucket and ropes, brought out his demon-quelling staff, and struck at the Taoist’s head by way of an answer. Because the Taoist could not move out of the way fast enough the blow broke his arm and he fell to the ground, straggling to escape.


Output: “I was going to kill you, you evil beast,” roared Friar Sand, “but seeing as you’re human I feel sorry for you and I’ll let you go. Now let me get my water.” The Taoist crawled to the back of the hermitage thanking heaven and earth for his escape. Friar Sand then filled his bucket with water from the well, went out through the gates, rose up on his cloud, and called to Monkey, “I’ve got the water, brother. Spare him now, spare him.”


Output: Hearing this, Monkey held the hook at bay with his cudgel and said, “Listen to what I have to say. I was going to wipe all of you out, but you’ve broken no laws and your brother the Bull Demon King is a friend of mine. The first time I came you tripped me up with your hook a couple of times and I couldn’t get the water. I lured you out to fight me so that my fellow disciple could get some water. If I’d used my full powers I’d have killed several of you, never mind just one As-you-will Immortal. But it’s better to spare life than to take it, so I’ll let you live a few more years. Never ever try extortion on anyone who comes here for the water again.”


Output:
The evil and foolish immortal moved and tried to hook Monkey once more, but Monkey avoided the hook, rushed at him, and shouted, “Don’t move!” The helpless immortal fell head first to the ground and was unable to get up. The Great Sage picked up his As-You-Will hook, snapped it in two, then broke the two pieces into four, and threw them to the ground. “Damned beast,” he said, “are you going to try any more nonsense?” The trembling immortal had to bear his humiliation in silence, and the laughing Great Sage rose up on his cloud. There is a poem that testifies to this. It goes:

When true lead is melted it yields a true liquid;

If the true liquid is mixed right, true mercury hardens.

True mercury and true lead have no feminine quality;

Magic cinnabar and herbs are the elixir of immortality.

When a child is recklessly formed and a pregnancy results

The mother of earth succeeds without any effort.

Heresy is pushed over and orthodoxy honoured;

The heart’s lord succeeds and returns in smiles.


Output:
The heart’s lord succeeds and returns in smiles.

The Great Sage set off his cloud and caught up with Friar Sand. They were very pleased to be returning with the magical water as they brought their cloud down at the cottage to find Pig leaning against the door and groaning with his big belly sticking out. “Idiot,” said Monkey, stealing up on him, “when did you get yourself pregnant?”

“Stop teasing me,” said the idiot in desperation.

“Did you fetch the water?” Monkey was going to keep the joke up but Friar Sand then arrived to report with a smile, “Here’s the water.”


Output:
Despite his agony Sanzang managed to lean forward in a kind of bow as he said, “Disciples, I’m very grateful to you.” The old woman was pleased too, and the whole household came in to bow and say, “Bodhisattvas, this is wonderful, wonderful.” She fetched a drinking bowl of decorated porcelain, half filled it with the water, and handed it to Sanzang with the words, “Venerable sir, please drink it very slowly. One mouthful will be enough to end the pregnancy.”

“I won’t need a bowl,” said Pig. “I’ll drink the lot, bucket, rope and all.”

“Venerable sir,” the woman said, “don’t give me such a terrible fright. If you drank the whole bucketful it would dissolve all your insides.” This gave the idiot such a fright that he behaved himself and drank only half a bowlful too.


Output:
Within less time than it takes to eat a meal the two of them were in agony: their intestines felt as if they were being wrung out and gave several loud rumbles. After that the idiot could contain himself no longer; he emptied his bowels and his bladder. The Tang Priest, also unable to contain himself, wanted to go to the lavatory.

“Master,” said Brother Monkey, “you mustn’t go anywhere you might be in a draft, If you catch a cold you may get milk fever.” The woman then brought in two latrine buckets for the pair of them. When they had both used them several times the pain stopped and their stomachs gradually started to resume their normal size as the extra flesh and blood in them was dissolved.

The woman then cooked them some plain rice porridge to settle their stomachs. “Lady,” said Pig, “my stomach’s very strong, and it doesn’t need settling. Boil me some water for a bath before I eat my porridge.”


Output:
“You mustn’t have a bath, brother,” said Friar Sand. “Washing in he first month after childbirth can make you ill.”

“That wasn’t childbirth,” said Pig, “just a miscarriage: nothing to worry about. I want a bath to clean up.” The woman then boiled some water for them to wash their hands and feet. The Tang Priest could only manage two bowls of porridge while Pig downed a dozen or so and still wanted more.

“Idiot,” said Monkey with a laugh, “don’t eat so much. It wouldn’t look pretty at all if you got a big belly like a sandbag.”

“No problem,” said pig, “no problem. I’m not a sow, so I don’t need to worry about that.” The women then went out to cook him some more rice.

“Will you give me the rest of the water?” the old woman asked the Tang Priest.

“Have you had enough of the water?” Monkey asked.

“My stomach’s stopped hurting,” said Pig, “and I’m sure the pregnancy’s completely finished. As I’m fine now I don’t need any more.”


Output:
“As they’re both better now we’ll give you the water,” said Monkey. The woman thanked him and buried the water in a glazed jar behind the house.

“That jar of water will be enough to pay for my coffin,” she told the rest of her family, who were all delighted. A vegetarian meal was prepared, tables and chairs were set out, and the monks dined. They took their time over the meal then retired for the night.

The next morning they thanked the old woman and her family and left the cottage. Sanzang mounted the horse, Friar Sand shouldered the luggage, the Great Sage Monkey led the way, and Pig held the bridle. This had been a case of

Rinsing away the evil and leaving the body pure,

Dissolving the mortal foetus to restore the natural self.

If you don’t know what else happened in that country listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Fifty-Four

The Buddha-Nature Traveling West Enters Womankind

The Mind-Ape Makes a Plan to Escape from the Beauties


Output: When Sanzang and his disciples left the cottage they headed West, and about a dozen miles later they entered the country of Western Liang. “Wukong,” said the Tang Priest on his horse, “there is a city not far ahead, and I can hear a great hubbub of voices from the marketplace. You must all be very, very careful and on your best behavior. Do not make nonsense of the teachings of our Buddhist faith by running wild or becoming infatuated.” The three disciples were determined to obey his instructions.


Output:
Before the Tang Priest had finished speaking they reached the street leading in from the Eastern gate. Everyone they saw was wearing a skirt and a woman’s jacket, a powdered face and oiled hair. All the people, young and old, were women. When those buying and selling in the street saw the four of them coming they started to applaud, laugh and say with smiles all over their faces, “Men, men!” Sanzang was so alarmed that he reined in his horse, unable to go any further forward. In a moment the streets were packed and the air was ringing with happy voices.

“I’m a gelded pig, a gelded pig!” yelled Pig in a panic.

“Stop that nonsense, idiot,” said Monkey. “Just show them your face the way it used to be.” Pig then shook his head a couple of times, stuck up his ears shaped like reed fans, twisted his bristly, dropping snout and give a roar that made all the women collapse with fright. There is a poem to prove it that goes,

The monk came to Western Liang on his way to the Buddha;


Output:
The streets were a feminine world where males were not seen.

Peasants, scholars and artisans, merchants and fisherfolk,

Woodcutters, tillers and stock-raisers—all were women.

The beauties poured into the streets to welcome the men;

Young women come in crowds to hail the handsome groom.

If Wuneng had not made full use of his hideous face,

The pilgrims could not have withstood a siege by the ladies.

The women were then all so frightened that they dared not approach.


Output: Clutching their hands, stooping, shaking their heads, chewing at their fingers, trembling and shaking they blocked the streets to look at the Tang Priest. The Great Sage Monkey also pulled a hideous face to clear a way for them, helped by grimaces from Friar Sand. Leading the horse, pig stuck out his snout and was flapping his ears. As they moved forward they saw that the buildings along the city streets were well-built and the shop fronts imposing. There were grocers and corn-chandlers, bars and teahouses, multi-storied shops where everything was sold, towers and fine mansions with well-draped windows.


Output:
Master and disciples turned one corner to come up against a female official standing in the street and shouting. “Envoys from afar, you may not enter the city gates without permission. Please go to the government post station and register your names so that I can report them to Her Majesty. When they have been examined you will be allowed to proceed.” Hearing this, Sanzang dismounted and saw that the words MALE-WELCOMING POST STATION were written on a board across the door of the official building.

“Wukong,” said the venerable elder, “what the village people told us was true. There really is a Male-welcoming Post Station.”

“Brother Pig,” chuckled Friar Sand, “you’d better look in the Pregnancy-revealing Spring to see if you have a double reflection.”

“Stop trying to make a fool of me,” said Pig. “I aborted after drinking the water from Miscarriage Spring. What would I need to look for?”


Output:
“Watch your words, Wuneng, watch your words,” said Sanzang, turning back to give Pig his instructions before going forward and greeting the official.

She led them into the main hall of the post station, where they sat down and tea was sent for. Here too the staff all had their hair in bunches and wore skirts. There were many smiles as the tea was brought. A little later, when it had been drunk, the official gave a slight bow as she sat there and asked, “On what business have you emissaries come?”

“We are envoys sent to the Western Heaven by the Great Tang emperor in the East to worship the Buddha and fetch the scriptures,” Monkey replied. “My master Tang Sanzang is the Tang emperor’s younger brother. I am Sun Wukong, his senior disciple, and these two are my fellows, Zhu Wuneng, Pig, and Sha Wujing, Friar Sand. If you count the horse there are five of us altogether. We are carrying a passport with us that we beg to have inspected so that we may be allowed to continue on our way.”


Output: When the woman official had finished writing all this down she dropped to her knees to kowtow to them and said, “Forgive me, my lords. I am only the superintendent of the Male-welcoming Post Station and I did not realize that you were gentlemen from a superior country who deserved to be met at a great distance from here.” She rose to her feet and ordered the staff to provide them with food and drink. “Please make yourselves comfortable, my lords, while I go into the city to report to our queen. Then your document will be dealt with and you will be seen on your way West with rich presents.” Sanzang was happy to sit there.


Output:
The superintendent neatened her clothes and went straight into the city to the Tower of Five Phoenixes at the palace entrance, where she said to the gate officer, “I am the superintendent of the Male-welcoming Post Station and I would like an audience with Her Majesty on a certain matter.” The gate officer reported this to the queen at once, at which the superintendent was summoned straight to the throne hall to be asked what it was she had come to say.

“Your humble subject,” she replied, “has received in her post station Tang Sanzang the younger brother of the Tang emperor in the East. He has three disciples called Sun Wukong, Zhu Wuneng and Sha Wujing and a horse, making five of them altogether. They wish to go to the Western Heaven to worship the Buddha and fetch the scriptures. I have come especially to submit a memorial to Your Majesty asking whether they may be allowed to submit their passport for approval and proceed on their way.”


Output:
The queen was delighted at his report, and she said to her civil officials, “We dreamed last night of a gold screen shining with colours and a jade mirror full of light. They must have been good omens of what has happened today.”

The women officials crowded round the steps of the throne and said with kowtows, “Your Majesty, how can you tell that they were good omens for today?”

“This man from the East,” the queen replied, “is the younger brother of the Tang emperor. Since primal chaos was first cleared we have never seen a man in our country under all the queens who have reigned here. The fortunate arrival of the Tang emperor’s younger brother must be a gift from Heaven. I have decided to use our country’s wealth to persuade the emperor’s brother to become king with me as his queen. Then we can unite the male and the female and produce sons and grandsons to pass the throne on to. So weren’t they good omens?” The joyful women officials all performed dances of obeisance.


Output:
“Your Majesty’s idea of passing the throne on to future generations in an excellent one,” the superintendent of the post station further submitted, “but the three hideous disciples of the emperor’s younger brother are not at all attractive.”

“What does the emperor’s brother look like,” the queen asked, “and how are the disciples so unattractive?”

“The emperor’s brother has a handsome face and an impressive bearing,” the superintendent replied. “He really does look like a man from a great country ruled by a heaven-sent dynasty, a son of China in the Southern Jambu continent. But the three disciples look thoroughly vicious with faces like demons.”

“In that case,” said the queen, “give presents to his disciples, return their passport, and send them on their way to the Western Heaven. Keep only the emperor’s brother here. Is there any reason why we should not?”


Output:
To this the officials bowed low and replied, “Your Majesty’s ideas are completely right and your subjects will respectfully implement them. The only difficulty is that we have no matchmaker to arrange the marriage. As the old saying goes

Marriage and mating depend on red leaves;

A matchmaker ties the threads between husband and wife.

“From what you suggest,” the queen replied, “the royal tutor should be invited to be matchmaker, and the superintendent of the Male-welcoming Post Station will be the mistress of ceremonies. Go to the post station and ask for the consent of the emperor’s younger brother. When he has agreed we shall go out of the city in our carriage to greet him.” The tutor and the superintendent left the palace to carry out their instructions.

Sanzang and his disciples were just enjoying a vegetarian meal in the hall of the post station when someone was heard outside announcing the arrival of the queen’s tutor and the superintendent.

“Why is the queen’s tutor here?” Sanzang asked.


Output:
“Why is the queen’s tutor here?” Sanzang asked.

“Perhaps it’s an invitation from the queen,” said Pig. “It’s either that or a proposal of marriage,” said Brother Monkey.

“But if she tries to force me to marry her and refuses to let us go what am I to do, Wukong?” Sanzang asked.

“Just agree, Master,” said Monkey. “I’ll find a way to cope.”

Before, they had finished their conversation the two women officials entered and bowed low to the venerable elder, who returned their courtesies and said, “I am a humble monk. What wonderful powers do I have that you should bow to me thus?”

The queen’s tutor was discreetly delighted with his noble bearing, thinking, “Our country will indeed be very fortunate if this man is to become our queen’s husband.” When the two officials had finished bowing they stood on either side of Sanzang and said, “Imperial brother, many, many congratulations.”

“I am a monk,” Sanzang replied, “so what good fortune is there to congratulate me on?”


Output:
Bowing again, the queen’s tutor said, “This is Womanland of Western Liang, and no man has ever come here before. As Your Excellency the emperor’s brother has graced us with your presence I am here on the orders of Her Majesty the queen to propose marriage.”

“Good gracious!” said Sanzang. “I have come to your distinguished country with no children apart from my three boorish disciples. Which of them is it that Her Majesty wishes to marry?”


Output: “I have just been to the palace to report,” the superintendent of the post station said, “and our queen was very, very happy. She said that last night she had an auspicious dream in which a golden screen shone with many colours, and a jade mirror was full of light. When she learned that Your Excellency the emperor’s brother was a man from the great land of Tang she decided to offer you all the wealth of our country to persuade you to stay here as her husband and sit on the throne. Her Majesty would become queen consort. The royal tutor was commissioned to act as matchmaker and I was made mistress of ceremonies. We are here to ask for your hand.” At this Sanzang bowed his head in silence.


Output:
“A true man does not throw away his chance,” the queen’s tutor said. “There is nothing unusual about a man being asked to marry a woman and live in her house, but rarely does it happen that one is offered the wealth of a state to do so. I beg the emperor’s brother to assent quickly so that I may report back to Her Majesty.” The venerable elder seemed to have been struck dumb.

Pig, who was standing beside them, put his hands to his snout and called, “Tutor, please report back to Her Majesty that my master is an arhat who has long cultivated the Way. He’s not interested in your country’s wealth or in Her Majesty’s great beauty. Hurry up and return our passport and send him on his way to the West. You can keep me here to be her husband. What about it?” The suggestion made the tutor tremble. She was speechless with shock.

“You may be a man,” the superintendent said, “but you are much too ugly for Her Majesty.”


Output:
“You don’t understand,” said pig. “Thick willow twigs make dustpans and fine ones make funnels. There’s a use for everything. There’s not a man in all the world who’s really ugly.”

“Idiot,” said Monkey, “stop that nonsense. Let our master decide. If he agrees the wedding is on, and if he doesn’t it’s off. Don’t waste the matchmaker’s time.”

“Wukong,” said Sanzang, “you decide.”

“If you ask me,” Monkey replied, “you’d be very well off here. As the old saying goes,

A thousand miles can’t keep apart

A couple that’s fated to wed:

Their lives and destinies are tied

By a long and invisible thread.

Where else will you find a place that offers you this much?”

“Disciple,” said Sanzang, “if we stay here out of a love for wealth and status who will go to the Western Heaven to fetch the scriptures? Would that not be a terrible thing to do to our Great Tang emperor?”


Output:
“Your Excellency,” the royal tutor replied, “I must tell you the truth. Our queen only intends to marry you, the emperor’s brother. Your three disciples will be invited to the wedding banquet, given presents, have their passport returned, and be allowed to go on their journey to the Western Heaven to fetch the scriptures.”

“What the royal tutor says is right,” replied Monkey. “We three mustn’t make difficulties. We’ll let our master stay here as the queen’s husband. Hurry up and return us our travel document so that we can be on our way West. We will pay our respects to Her Majesty on our way back with the scriptures, and ask for some money for the journey back to the Great Tang.”

The royal tutor and the superintendent both bowed to Monkey and said, “We are very grateful to you, sir, for your helpfulness.”

“Tutor,” said Pig, “don’t just talk about feeding us. Now that we’ve agreed, get your mistress to lay on a banquet so that we can all drink a cup of betrothal wine. What about it?”


Output:
“Yes, yes,” said the tutor, “a banquet will be provided.” The superintendent and the tutor returned in great delight to report back to the queen.

Sanzang meanwhile grabbed Monkey and started abusing him. “You’re trying to kill me, you ape. How could you say things like that? Making me stay here to be her husband while you go to the Western Heaven to worship the Buddha! I’d die before I agreed to do that.”

“Don’t worry, Master,” said Monkey. “Of course I know your nature. But faced with people like that in a place like this I had to play them at their own game.”

“What do you mean by playing them at their own game?” Sanzang asked.


Output: “If you had been obstinate and refused her she would not have returned our travel paper or let us continue on our way,” Monkey replied. “If she had turned vicious and called on all her underlings to slice your flesh off to make perfume bags or whatever we’d never have earned a good reward. We’d have had to use our magic powers for subduing and killing demons. You know how hard we hit and how murderous our weapons are. Once we got going we’d have wiped out everyone in the whole country. But they’re people, not demons, even if they are blocking our way. And all along this journey you’ve been good and merciful—you haven’t killed a single soul. How could you bear to kill so many innocent people? That really would be evil.”


Output: “Wukong,” replied Sanzang, “that is a very fine argument. But I’m afraid that when the queen takes me into her palace she will want me to perform my conjugal duties. I could not possibly lose my primal masculinity and ruin my conduct as a Buddhist monk, or let my true seed escape and destroy my status in the faith.”


Output: “As you have agreed to the marriage she is bound to treat you as king and come out in her carriage to fetch you,” Monkey replied. “You must on no account refuse. Take your seat in the phoenix and dragon carriage, enter the throne hall, and sit on the throne facing South as monarch. Tell the queen to fetch her royal seals and write an invitation summoning us to court. Stamp our travel permit with the official seal and ask her to sign it herself and return it to us. Have a banquet laid on as a celebration for yourself and the queen and to say farewell to us too. When the banquet is over have the carriage got ready and tell her that when you have seen us three out of the city you will be coming back to sleep with her. This will put the queen and her subjects into such a good mood that they won’t try to keep us any more, let alone have any evil intentions towards us. When you have escorted us out of the city, get out of the carriage. Tell Friar Sand to stay with you and help you mount the white horse while I use


Output: and help you mount the white horse while I use some immobilizing magic to stop the queen and her subjects from moving. Then we can carry on West along the main road, and when we’ve been travelling for a day and a night I’ll say a spell to undo the magic and revive them so that they can go back into the city. This way none of them will be killed and you won’t have to harm your essential spirit. This is what they call a plan to ‘slip through the net with a false marriage.’ It works both ways, doesn’t it?”


Output:
These words sobered Sanzang up and woke him from his dream. He forgot his worries and thanked Monkey profusely: “I am profoundly grateful to you, good disciple, for your brilliant suggestion.” Now that the four of them had agreed on a plan we shall leave them discussing it.

The queen’s tutor and the post station superintendent went straight through the gates of the palace to the steps of the throne without waiting to be summoned. “Your Majesty’s auspicious dream was completely justified,” they announced. “You two will be as happy together as fish and water.”

When the queen heard their report she lifted the pearl curtain, came down from her dragon throne, and gave a smile that opened her cherry lips and showed her silvery teeth as she asked in her charming voice, “What did the emperor’s brother say when you spoke to him?”


Output:
“When we reached the post station and had bowed to the emperor’s brother,” the queen’s tutor replied, “we told him of the proposal of marriage. He tried to decline it, but fortunately his senior disciple agreed on his behalf. He would like his master to marry Your Majesty and sit on the throne as king. He asked that you should first return their passport and send the three disciples on their way West. When they come back with the scriptures they will pay their respects to their master and Your Majesty and ask for some money for their journey back to Great Tang.”

“What did the emperor’s brother say to that?” the queen asked with a smile.

“He did not speak,” the tutor replied, “but he is willing to marry Your Majesty. The only thing is that his second disciple wants a betrothal feast first.”


Output:
When the queen heard this she ordered the office that dealt with foreign relations to lay on a banquet. She also had the state carriage prepared to take her out of the city to welcome her lord and husband. The female officials obediently swept the palace clean and laid on a banquet in the hall. Those who were setting out the banquet moved as fast as fire, and those who were preparing the chariot did so with the speed of shooting stars. Western Liang was a country of women, but its state carriage was no less splendid than a Chinese one:

Six dragons snorting out coloured clouds,

A pair of phoenixes full of good omen.

The six dragons supported the carriage as it came out,

The pair of phoenixes were riding upon it.

Fragrant were the perfumes,

Dense the clouds of auspicious vapor.

Officials with goldfish-shaped pendants of jade now crowded around;

The women were all drawn up with their hair full of ornaments.

Mandarin-duck fans gave shade to the carriage,


Output:
Mandarin-duck fans gave shade to the carriage,

While curtains of jade and pearl did shelter the queen.

Beautifully sounded the songs to the panpipes

While strings and woodwinds all played in harmony.

A surge of joy soared up to the heavens;

Boundless bliss poured out from the heart.

The triple silken canopy shook the sky;

Brilliant banners cast their light on the throne steps.

Never before had the marriage cup here been drunk;

Today the queen would be taking a husband.

The carriage soon left the city and reached the Male-welcoming Post Station. At once the queen’s arrival was announced to Sanzang and his disciples, who straightened up their clothes and came out to meet the queen’s carriage. The queen raised the curtain and came out. “Which of these gentlemen is the Tang emperor’s brother?” she asked.


Output:
“The gentleman in front of the post station who is wearing a long gown,” the tutor replied. The queen took a very careful look at him with her phoenix eyes, her moth-eyebrows raised. He was indeed an exceptional sight. Look at him:

A noble manner,

Distinguished features.

White teeth as if made of silver,

A square-cut mouth with lips of red.

The top of the head flat, the forehead broad and ample;

Fine eyes, a clear brow, and a long jaw.

His ears had the round lobes of a great man;

His body was that of one with no ordinary talent.

A handsome, intelligent and gallant gentleman;

The ideal consort for the graceful queen.

As the queen was gazing at him with delight and admiration she felt a great surge of desire and passion. Opening her cherry lips she said, “Younger brother of the Great Tang emperor, won’t you ride in my royal carriage?” This made Sanzang blush from ear to ear. He was too embarrassed to look up at her.


Output:
Pig, who was standing beside him, put his hands to his snout and devoured the queen with his eyes. She was a slim beauty:

Brows like green willow,

Flesh like mutton fat,

Cheeks set off with plum blossom,

Hair like the plumage of a golden phoenix.

The autumn waves of her eyes were full of charm;

Like bamboo shoot in spring was her graceful posture.

Red tassels floated with elegance over her temples,

Pearls and kingfisher feathers adorned her high-piled hair.

Why talk now of the Princess Zhaojun’s beauty?

This queen is lovelier than the legendary Xi Shi.

As her willow waist gently bends gold pendants tinkle;

Her lotus feet move lightly with her limbs of jade.

The Lady of the Moon could not compare with her;

No heavenly fairy could be her match.

Her exquisite palace clothes were not those of a mere mortal;

She was the Queen Mother of the West come to the Jade Pool.


Output:
Seeing how beautiful she was the idiot could not help drooling. His heart pounded and his limbs went weak; he melted like a snow lion next to a bonfire.

When the queen came closer to Sanzang she took hold of him and said in a most beguiling voice, “Dear emperor’s brother, won’t you come into my dragon coach, ride back with me to the throne hall and marry me?” The venerable elder trembled, feeling unsteady on his feet. It was as if he were drunk or stupefied.

“Don’t be so shy and modest, Master,” urged monkey, who was standing beside him. “Please get into the carriage with your future wife. Have our passport returned to us as soon as possible so that we can continue on our journey to fetch the scriptures.” Sanzang could not bring himself to reply as he put his hand on Monkey, unable to hold back his tears.


Output:
“Don’t be so upset, Master,” Monkey said. “Here’s your chance to enjoy wealth and honour, so make the most of it.” Sanzang had no choice but to do as Monkey bade him. Wiping his tears away he forced himself to smile as he stepped forward to

Hold the queen’s white hand

Sitting in the dragon carriage.

The queen was in raptures at the prospect of a husband;

The elder in his terror wanted only to worship the Buddha.

One longed to embrace her man in the candle-lit bedroom;

The other wanted to see the

World-honoured on Vulture Peak.

The queen was sincere,

The holy monk was pretending.

The queen in her sincerity

Hoped that they would grow old in harmony together.

The holy monk pretending

Controlled his tender feeling to nourish his primal spirit.

One was so happy to see her husband

She wished they could be man and wife in broad daylight.

The other was afraid of woman’s beauty,

Longing to escape her clutches and climb to the Thunder Monastery.

The two ascended the carriage together,


Output:
The two ascended the carriage together,

But the Tang Priest’s intentions were far away.

When the civil and military officers saw their mistress enter the royal coach with the venerable Sanzang sitting beside her their faces were all wreathed in smiles. The procession turned around and went back into the city. Monkey told Friar Sand to carry the luggage while he led the horse as they followed behind the coach. Pig rushed wildly ahead, and when he reached the Tower of Five Phoenixes he started shouting, “This is very fine and splendid, but it won’t do, it won’t do at all. We’ve got to have some wedding drinks to toast the groom.”

He so alarmed the women officials carrying ceremonial insignia who were leading the procession that they all went back to the queen’s carriage to report, “Your Majesty, the one with big ears and a long snout is making a row in front of the Tower of Five Phoenixes and demanding wedding drinks.”


Output:
On hearing this the queen leant her fragrant shoulder against Sanzang, pressed her peach-blossom cheek against his, and opened her sandalwood-scented mouth to murmur in her seductive voice, “Dear emperor’s brother, is the one with big ears and a long snout one of your distinguished disciples?”

“He is my second disciple,” Sanzang replied. “He has an enormous appetite, and he has spent all his life trying to get good things to eat. We must lay on some food and drink for him before we can get on with things.” The queen then asked anxiously if the office dealing with foreign relation had yet prepared the banquet.

“It is ready,” the women officials reported. “It is set out on the Eastern hall and includes both meat and vegetarian dishes.”

“Why both sorts?” the queen asked.

“Your subjects thought that the Tang emperor’s brother and his distinguished disciples might be vegetarians,” the officials replied. “That was why we had both sorts of food provided.”


Output:
“Dear emperor’s brother,” said the queen with another little laugh of pleasure as she rubbed herself against Sanzang’s fragrant cheek, “do you eat meat or vegetarian food?”

“I eat vegetarian food,” Sanzang replied, “but I have never given up wine. We must have a few cups of light wine for my second disciple to drink.”

Before he had finished speaking the queen’s tutor said to the queen, “If it pleases Your Majesty, will you come to the Eastern hall for the banquet? Today is an auspicious day, and at a lucky hour tonight you may marry the emperor’s brother. Tomorrow a new ecliptic begins, and I beg that the emperor’s younger brother will enter the throne hall tomorrow to take his throne facing South as monarch and inaugurate a new reign.”

The queen was delighted by this suggestion. Descending from the coach hand-in-hand with Sanzang she went in through the palace’s main gate. This is what they saw and heard:

Magic music wafting down from a gallery,

As the turquoise carriage came within the palace.


Output:
The phoenix gates stood wide open amid gentle light;

The harem in all its splendor was not closed.

Incense smoke curled aloft in the unicorn hall;

Shadows were moving behind the peacock screen.

The buildings were magnificent as those of a mighty state;

The jade halls and golden horses were even more splendid.

When they reached the Eastern hall the harmonious sounds of panpipes and singing could be heard and two rows of powdered beauties seen. In the middle of the hall two sumptuous banquets were set out; a vegetarian one to the left and a meat one on the right. Below were two rows of individual places. The queen folded back her sleeves, took a jade goblet with her ten delicate fingers, and led Sanzang to the feast. Monkey went up to her and said, “We are all vegetarians, so would you ask my master to sit at the vegetarian feast to the left while three places are set below him for us three disciples?”


Output: “Yes, that’s right,” said the queen’s tutor. “Master and disciples are like father and sons. It would be wrong to seat them side by side.” The women officials quickly rearranged the seating, and the queen gave goblets to each of them as she led them to their places. Monkey gave the Tang Priest a look to remind him to return her courtesies, at which he came down from his seat with a jade goblet in his hand and led the queen to her place. The civil and military officials all kowtowed to the queen in gratitude and took their seats in order of precedence on either side. Only then did the music cease and the toasts begin.


Output:
Pig did not worry about anything as he relaxed his belly and ate for all he was worth. He did not care whether it was jadeflake rice, steamed buns, sweet cakes, mushrooms, gill fungus, bamboo shoots, tree-ear fungus, day lilies, agar, laver, turnips, taro, devilpepper, yams or sealwort: he wolfed the whole lot down together. Then he drank some six or seven goblets of wine and shouted, “Fill it up, bring me another. I want a big goblet. Give me a few more drinks, then we can all go off and do what we’ve got to do.”

“What is there so important that makes us have to leave this fine banquet?” Friar Sand asked.


Output: “There’s an old saying,” replied the idiot with a grin, “‘that each man should stick to his trade. Some of us are getting married now, and others of us have to be on our way to fetch the scriptures. We mustn’t ruin everything for the sake of a few more drinks. We want our passport returned as soon as possible. As they say, ‘The warriors stay on their horses, all of them pressing ahead.’” When the queen heard this she sent for big cups, and the officials in attendance quickly fetched some parrot-shaped goblets, cormorant ladles, golden baskets, silver beakers, glass chargers, crystal dishes, immortals’ bowls and amber goblets. Ambrosial liquor was now served out and everybody drank of it.


Output:
Sanzang then bowed, rose to his feet, put his hands together in front of his chest and said to the queen, “Your Majesty, I am very grateful for this sumptuous banquet. We have had enough now. Could you now go to the throne hall and return the passport so that I may see the three of them off from the city tomorrow morning?” Doing as he asked, the queen led Sanzang by the hand as they ended the banquet and climbed the steps to the throne hall, where she invited the Tang Priest to sit on the throne.

“No,” he said, “it would be wrong. As Your Majesty’s tutor said, a new ecliptic begins tomorrow: only then will I dare to take the throne. Today the passport must be stamped so that they can be sent on their way.”


Output:
The queen accepted his suggestions, sat on the dragon throne again, had a gilt chair placed to the left of it for Sanzang to sit on, and told the disciples to bring the passport. The Great Sage asked Friar Sand to open the cloth wrapper and take it out, then offered it with both hands to the queen, who examined it carefully. At the top were nine stamps from the Great Tang emperor’s seals, and underneath were the seals of the countries of Elephantia, Wuji and Tarrycart. When she had looked at them the queen said with a delightful, tinkling smile in her voice, “Is your surname Chen, emperor’s brother?”

“My lay surname was Chen,” he replied, “and my religious name is Xuanzang. It was when the Tang emperor in his wisdom and mercy took me as his younger brother that he granted me the surname Tang.”

“Why do your illustrious disciples’ names not appear on the passport?” the queen asked.

“My three stupid disciples are not men of Tang.” Sanzang replied.


Output:
“But if they are not from Tang why have they come here with you?” the queen asked again.

“My senior disciple,” Sanzang answered, “was originally from the country of Aolai in the Eastern Continent of Superior Body. My second disciple is from Gao Village in Stubet in the Western Continent of Cattle-gift. My third disciple is from the Flowing Sands River. They were all punished for offences against the laws of Heaven until the Bodhisattva Guanyin delivered them from their sufferings. Since then they have been converted to the faith and have volunteered to escort me on my journey to fetch the scriptures from the Western Heaven to redeem their past crimes. I won each of them during the journey, which is why their religious names have not been entered on the passport.”

“Would you like me to add their names to it?” said the queen.


Output:
“If that is Your Majesty’s pleasure,” Sanzang replied. The queen then sent for brush and inkstone, and when she had rubbed the ink-stick on the stone to produce a thick and fragrant ink with which she filled the hairs of her writing brush she wrote the names of the three disciples—Sun Wukong, Zhu Wuneng and Sha Wujing—at the bottom of the passport. Then she stamped it fair and square with her royal seal, wrote her signature, and handed it down to Monkey, who told Friar Sand to wrap it up again carefully.

The queen then presented them with a dish of small pieces of gold and silver, came down from her throne and said to Monkey, “You three must take this to help with the costs of your journey and go to the Western Heaven as quickly as you can. When you come back with the scriptures we shall richly reward you again.”


Output:
“We are men of religion,” said Brother Monkey, “and we do not accept gold and silver. There will be places along the way for us to beg food from.” Seeing that they were not going to accept it the queen had ten bolts of damask and brocade brought out that she gave to Monkey with the words, “You are in such a hurry that we do not have time for this to be made up. Please take this to have some clothes made on the journey to keep you warm.”

“We monks may not wear damask or brocade,” Monkey said. “We are only allowed to cover ourselves with cotton cloth.” Seeing that he would not accept the silk either, the queen ordered that three pints of rice be brought out to provide them with a meal on their journey. The moment Pig heard the word “rice” he took it and put it with the bundles of luggage. “Brother,” Monkey said to him, “the luggage is very heavy now. Will you be able to carry the rice as well?”


Output: “You wouldn’t know that rice is best eaten the same day it’s cooked,” Pig replied. “One meal and it’ll be finished.” He then put his hands together in thanks.


Output: “May I trouble Your Majesty to come with me while I escort my disciples out of the city?” Sanzang asked. “When I have given them some parting instructions about their journey West I shall come back to enjoy perpetual glory with Your Majesty. Only when I am freed from these cares and worries will we be able to join together like a pair of phoenixes.” Not realizing that this was a trick, the queen sent for her coach and climbed into it, leaning her fragrant shoulder against Sanzang as they rode Westwards out of the city. Bowls has been filled with clean water and fine incense put in all the burners. This was because the people were seeing their queen in her carriage and also because they were seeing a man, the emperor’s younger brother. All of them, young and old alike, were women with powdered and lovely faces, and green-black hair piled high in cloud coiffures. The coach was soon out of the town and outside the Western gate.


Output:
Monkey, Pig and Friar Sand, joined in a common cause, neatened up their clothes and went to meet the carriage. “There is no need to escort us a long way, Your Majesty. We shall take our leave of you here.”

Sanzang stepped down from the royal carriage, raised his hands together to the queen, and said, “Please go back now, Your Majesty, and allow me to fetch the scriptures.” When the queen heard this her face went pale with shock. She grabbed hold of the Tang Priest and said, “Dear emperor’s brother, I have offered you the wealth of my realm to become my husband. Tomorrow you are going to take the throne as monarch, and I am going to be your consort. We have already eaten the wedding feast. How can you go back on your word now?”


Output:
This was too much for Pig, who went wild. Thrusting his snout about and waving his ears he rushed to the royal coach shouting. “What would monks like us want to marry a powdered skeleton like you for? Let my master go!” This rough and violent behavior so frightened the queen that her souls all went flying and she collapsed in the coach. Friar Sand pulled Sanzang out of the crowd and helped him mount the horse. Just then a woman shot forward from the roadside shouting, “Don’t go, Tang emperor’s brother. You and I are going to make love.”

“You ignorant, wicked creature,” Friar Sand shouted at her, striking at her head with his staff. The woman then made a whirlwind that carried the Tang Priest off with a great roar. He had disappeared without shadow or trace. Indeed

He escaped from the net of beauties

To encounter a lecherous ogress.

If you don’t know whether the woman was a human being or a monster, or whether the master lived or died, then listen to the explanation in the next installment.


Output:
Chapter Fifty-Five

The Tang Priest Is Tempted with Sex and Debauchery

Because His Nature Is Upright He Resists Unharmed

The story tells how the Great Sage and Pig were just about to use their magic to immobilize all the women when they suddenly heard the noise of a wind. Friar Sand, who was shouting, looked round at once to find the Tang Priest gone.

“Who’s taken the master?” Monkey asked.

“A woman made a whirlwind and carried him off in it,” Friar Sand reported. At this news Monkey jumped up with a whoosh to stand on his cloud and shade his eyes as he looked all around. He saw the gray dust cloud of a whirlwind that was heading Northwest.

“Brothers,” he turned back to shout, “come straight up on your clouds. We’re going after the master.” Pig and Friar Sand tied the luggage on the horse and both sprang noisily into the air.


Output: All this gave such a fright to the queen of Western Liang and her subjects that they fell to their knees in the dust and said, “He is an arhat who has flown away in broad daylight. Do not be alarmed, Your Majesty. The Tang emperor’s brother is a dhyana monk who has mastered the Way. We were too blind to see who this man of China really was, and we allowed ourselves all that longing for nothing. Please ride back to the palace in your carriage, Your Majesty.” The queen felt ashamed as she went back into her capital with her officials, and we shall say no more of them.


Output:
Monkey and the other two disciples meanwhile were riding their clouds through the air after the whirlwind. They chased it to a high mountain, where the gray dust settled and the wind fell, so that they did not know which way the demon had gone. The brothers brought their clouds down to land to search for the way. Suddenly they noticed a gleaming rock shaped like a screen. Leading the horse round behind it they found a pair of stone doors above which was written:

DEADLY FOE MOUNTAIN PIPA CAVE


Output:
DEADLY FOE MOUNTAIN PIPA CAVE

In his ignorance Pig went up to the doors and was about to beat on them with his rake when Monkey rushed forward to stop him. “Don’t be in such a hurry, brother,” he said. “After following the whirlwind we had to look around for a while before we found these doors. We don’t know what’s behind them. If they’re the wrong doors we’d stir up trouble offending the wrong people, and we don’t want to do that. You two take the horse round to the front of the rock screen and wait a moment. I’m going to take a look around and find out what’s happening here. Then it’ll be much easier to know what to do.”

Friar Sand liked this idea. “Splendid, splendid,” he said, “You’ve found the subtle solution when things were looking rough, the calm way out of the crisis.” The two of them then led the horse to the other side of the rock screen.

Monkey then showed his magic powers. Making a spell with his hands and saying the words he shook himself and turned into an exquisite bee. Just look at him:


Output:
Fine wings bending in the wind,

A narrow waist gleaming with the sun.

With his sweet mouth he searched for stamens,

While the sting in his tail killed toads.

Great was his achievement in making honey,

And he always entered the hive with courtesy.

Now be would use a brilliant plan

As he flew in under the eaves of the doorway.

Monkey squeezed in through the crack between the outer doors then past the inner doors to see a female monster sitting in a flower pavilion with serving girls in brightly-coloured embroidered clothes and their hair sticking upwards in two bunches. They were all very pleased, but he could not hear what they were talking about. Monkey flew up to them very quietly, perched on the lattice of the pavilion, and cocked his ear to listen. He saw two women with their tangled hair tied in a bun carrying two piping hot dishes of food to the pavilion and saying, “Madam, this dish has steamed rolls with human flesh in them, and that one has vegetarian ones with sweet beanpaste fillings.”


Output:
“Little ones,” said the she-devil with a smile, “Bring the Tang emperor’s brother out.” Some of the serving girls in embroidered clothes went to the room at the back to help the Tang Priest out. His face was sallow, his lips white, and his eyes red as the tears streamed down his face, “The master’s been drugged,” thought Monkey with a silent sigh.

The she-devil went down from the pavilion and showed her ten fingers that were as delicate as spring onions as she grabbed hold of Sanzang and said, “Don’t worry, emperor’s brother. This may not be as rich and splendid as the palace in the Womanland of Western Liang, but it’s peaceful and comfortable, and an ideal place for reciting the Buddha’s name and reading the scriptures. With me as your companion we’ll be able to live in harmony till we’re a hundred.” Sanzang said nothing.


Output:
“Don’t be upset,” the she-devil said. “I know that you had nothing to eat or to drink at your banquet in Womanland. Here are two dishes, one of meat and one of vegetarian food. Won’t you take some to calm your nerves?”

Sanzang thought deeply: “If I say nothing and eat nothing, this she-devil may murder me. She is worse than the queen, who was at least human and knew how to behave. What am I to do? My disciples don’t know that I’m a prisoner here. If I let her murder me I’ll be throwing my life away for nothing.” Though he racked his brains he could find no other plan, so he pulled himself together and asked, “What is the meat dish and what is the vegetarian one?”

“The meat one is steamed rolls stuffed with human flesh, and the vegetarian one steamed rolls with sweet fillings,” the she-devil replied.

“I would like some of the vegetarian ones,” said Sanzang.


Output:
“Servant girls,” said the she-devil, “bring hot tea and give your master some vegetarian steamed rolls.” A servant girl then brought in a tray of tea that she set before the Tang Priest. The she-devil broke a vegetarian roll open and handed it to Sanzang, who offered a whole meat one to her. “Why won’t you open it for me, emperor’s brother?” the she-devil asked with a smile.

“I am a man of religion, so I would not dare to break meat food,” said Sanzang.

“In that case,” said the she-devil, “Why did you eat wedding cake at the Motherhood River, and why are you insisting on eating beanpaste now?”

To this Sanzang replied,

“When the river is high I’m carried away.

When bogged down I have to slow down.”


Output:
When bogged down I have to slow down.”

Monkey, who could hear from his perch in the lattice just how friendly their conversation was getting, started worrying that the master’s true nature might become disturbed. It was more than he could bear, so he resumed his own appearance and brandished his cudgel with a shout of “Behave yourself, you evil beast.” When the she-devil saw him she spat out smoke and light that covered the pavilion and told her underlings to shut the Tang Priest away.

Then she seized her steel trident and leapt out through the door of the pavilion, shouting abusively, “Hooligan ape! How dare you sneak into my house to set your dirty eyes on me! Stay where you are and take this!” The Great Sage parried the lunge from her trident and fell back, fighting all the way.


Output: When they came to the outside of the cave where Pig and Friar Sand were waiting, the sight of the hard-fought battle so alarmed Pig that he led the white horse over to Friar Sand and said, “Look after the horse and the luggage. I’m joining in.” The splendid idiot then raised his rake with both hands and rushed forward with a shout, “Stand back, brother, while I kill this vicious beast.” Seeing Pig coming the she-devil used another kind of magic to breathe fire out of her nose and smoke from her mouth as she shook herself and charged him with her trident flying and dancing. Goodness only knows how many hands she had as she somersaulted towards them, lashing out furiously. Monkey and Pig were both fought to a standstill.


Output:
“Sun Wukong,” said the she-devil, “you don’t know when to keep your head down. I know who you are, but you don’t recognize me. Even your Tathagata Buddha from the Thunder Monastery is afraid of me. Where do you think you two little wretches are going to get? Come here, all of you, and watch me beat every one of you.” It was a fine battle:

Great was the she-devil’s prowess

As the Monkey King’s anger rose.

Then Marshal Tian Peng joined in the fight,

Showing off wildly wielding his rake.

One was a many-handed mistress of the trident,

Surrounding herself with smoke and with light;

The other two were impatient and their weapons powerful,

As they stirred up many a cloud of mist.

The she-devil was fighting to win a mate,

But the monk would never lose his vital seed.

Ill-matched male and female fought it out,

Each showing heroism in the bitter struggle.

Calmly the female had built up her strength, longing for action;

The male was on guard in his love of pure stillness.


Output:
This made peace between them impossible

As trident fought for mastery with cudgel and rake.

Powerful was the cudgel,

Even stronger the rake,

But the she-devil’s trident was a match for them both.

Nobody would yield on Deadly Foe Mountain;

No mercy was given outside Pipa Cave.

One was happy at the thought of the Tang Priest as a husband;

The other two were going with him to collect the scriptures.

Heaven and earth were alarmed by the battle,

Which darkened sun and moon and displaced all the stars.

When the three of them had been fighting for a long time without anyone emerging as victor, the she-devil shook herself and used the sting in her tail to jab the Great Sage in the head. Monkey yelled in agony at the unbearable pain and fled, defeated. Seeing that things were going badly Pig withdrew too, dragging his rake behind him. The victorious she-devil put her steel trident away.

Monkey had his hands round his head and his face screwed up in agony as he shouted, “It’s terrible, it’s terrible.”


Output:
“Brother,” said Pig, going up to him, “why did you run away howling in pain just when you were fighting so well?”

“It’s agony, agony,” groaned Brother Monkey, still holding his head.

“Is it an attack of your migraine?” Pig asked.

“No, no,” said Monkey, hopping around in pain.

“But I didn’t see you get wounded,” said Pig, “so how can your head be hurting?”

“It’s unbearable,” groaned Monkey. “Just when she saw that I was beginning to beat her trident she braced herself and jabbed me in the head. I don’t know what weapon she used, but it’s made my head ache so unbearably that I had to run away, beaten.”

“In quiet places you’re always boasting that your head was tempered in the furnace,” said Pig with a laugh, “so why was that too much for you?”


Output:
“Yes,” replied Monkey, “after my head was refined I stole the magic peaches and immortal wine and Lord Lao Zi’s golden elixir tablets. When I made havoc in Heaven the Jade Emperor ordered the Strongarm Demon King and the Twenty eight Constellations to take me to be beheaded at the Dipper and Bull Palace. The gods used their cutlasses, axes, hammers and swords on me, struck me with thunderbolts and burned me with fire. Then Lao Zi put me in his Eight Trigrams Furnace and refined me for forty-nine days. None of that harmed me at all. Goodness only knows what weapon that woman used to make my head hurt like this.”

“Put your hands down and let me have a look,” said Friar Sand. “Has it been cut open?”

“No, no,” said Monkey.

“I’d better go back to Western Liang to get you some ointment to put on it,” said Pig.

“It’s not cut open or swollen; I don’t need ointment,” said Monkey.


Output:
“Brother,” laughed Pig, “I wasn’t at all ill when I was pregnant or after I lost the baby, but you’ve got a carbuncle on your forehead.”

“Stop teasing him, brother,” said Friar Sand. “It’s getting late, our eldest brother’s been wounded in the head, and we don’t know whether the master is dead or alive. What on earth are we going to do?”


Output: “The master’s all right,” groaned Brother Monkey. “I flew in as a bee and saw the woman sitting in a flower pavilion. Before long two servant girls came in with two dishes of steamed rolls, one with fillings of human flesh and one with sweet fillings of beanpaste. She sent two other serving girls to help the master come out to eat something to soothe his nerves. She was talking about being his companion. At first he wouldn’t reply or eat any of the rolls, but she was giving him so much sweet talk that he said he’d have a vegetarian one. Goodness knows why. The woman broke one open and gave it to him, and he passed her an unbroken meat one. ‘Why won’t you open it for me?’ She asked, and he said, ‘I am a man of religion, so I would not dare to break meat food.’ Then she said, ‘In that case, why did you eat wedding cake at the Motherhood River, and why are you eating sweet fillings now?’ The master did not catch what she was driving at, and replied, ‘When the river is high I’m carried away; when bogged down I


Output: is high I’m carried away; when bogged down I have to slow down.’ Listening to all this from the lattice I got worried that the master was going to forget himself, so I turned back into myself and hit at her with my cudgel. She used magic too, breathed out clouds, told them to shut the master away, and drove me out of the cave with her trident.”


Output:
Friar Sand bit his finger and said, “That low bitch must have followed us at some stage, she knows so much.”

“From what you say,” said Pig, “we mustn’t rest. From dusk to the middle of the night we’ve got to keep going back and challenging her to fight. We’ll have to yell and make such a din that she can’t go to bed or have it off with our master.”

“I can’t go back,” said Monkey. “My head’s hurting too badly.”

“We can’t challenge her to battle,” said Friar Sand. “Our eldest brother’s head is aching and our master is a true monk. He won’t let the illusion of sex disturb his nature. Let’s spend the light sitting somewhere under the mountain that’s sheltered from the wind. Then we can build up our energy and think of something else in the morning.” The three brother disciples tethered the white horse and guarded the luggage as they spent the night resting under the slope of the mountain.


Output:
The she-devil then put aside thoughts of murder and started to wear a mile again as she said, “Little ones, shut the front and back doors tight.” Then she sent out two scouts to keep an eye on Monkey, and ordered them to report the moment any sound was heard at the door. “Maids,” she commanded, “tidy the bedroom and get it ready. Bring candles, burn incense, and ask the Tang emperor’s brother in. I’m going to make love with him.”

The Tang Priest was then helped out from the back, while the she-devil, looking utterly bewitching, took him by the hand and said, “As the saying goes, pleasure’s worth more than gold. You and I are going to have some fun as man and wife.”


Output:
The venerable elder clenched his teeth and let out not a sound. He would have preferred not to go with her but he was afraid she might kill him, so in fear and trembling he accompanied her into the bridal chamber, he was as if stupefied and dumb. He would not lift his head and look up, let alone catch sight of the bed and the curtains in the room, and even less did he see the intricately carved furniture or her hairstyle and clothing. He was deaf and indifferent when she spoke of her desire. He was indeed a fine monk:

His eyes saw no evil beauty,

His ears heard no voluptuous words.

To him the brocade and the lovely face was dung,

The gold, the jewels and the beauty so much dirt.

The love of his life was contemplation;

He never took a step from Buddha land.

He did not care for female charms,

Knowing only how to nourish his true nature.

The she-devil

Was full of life

And unbounded desire.

The venerable monk

Seemed almost dead,

His mind fixed on meditation.

One was soft jade and warm fragrance;


Output:
One was soft jade and warm fragrance;

The other was dead ash and withered wood.

One spread open the bridal sheets,

Full of voluptuousness;

The other fastened his tunic more tightly,

His heart ever true.

One longed to press her breasts against him and entwine their limbs

In rapturous union;

The other wanted only to sit facing the wall

Like the monk Bodhidharma.

The she-devil took off her clothes,

Displaying her smooth skin and fragrant body;

The Tang Priest pulled his robes together,

Covering the roughness of his hide and flesh.

The she-devil said,

“There is room on my pillow and under my sheet:

Why not come to bed?”

The Tang Priest replied,

“My head is shaven and I wear monk’s robes:

I may not join you.”

She said, “I would like to be Liu Cuicui in the story.”

He replied, “But I am not like the Monk of the Moonlight.”

The she-devil said, “I am more lovely than Xi Shi herself.”

“Long was the king of Yue buried on her account,” the monk replied.