Output:
“But by killing them you’ve only made things worse for us,” they said. “How can you say you’re here to rescue us?”

“I’m Sun Wukong the Novice,” Monkey replied, “the disciple of the holy priest from the Great Tang, and I’ve come here specially to save you.”

“No, you’re not,” the monk said. “We know what that great lord looks like.”

“But how could you?” Monkey asked. “You’ve never met him.”

“We’ve seen an old man in a dream who told us he was the Great White Planet. He told us what Sun the Novice, or Monkey, looks like so that we wouldn’t confuse him with anyone else.”

“How did the Planet describe him to you?” Monkey asked him.

To this the Buddhist monk replied, “He told us that the Great Sage has

A brow that seems split open, two flashing of eyes of gold,

A head that’s round, a hairy face, and sunken cheeks, we’re told.

Out of a pointed muzzle sharp little teeth protrude;

He looks much like a thunder god, and his Conduct’s very crude.

He wields a cudgel of iron with ends banded in gold


Output:
With which he smashed the Heavenly gates as a rebel in times of old.

Now he has seen the light of the faith he’s escorting his master,

And saves whoever he can from death and disaster.”

Monkey was both angry and pleased to hear this. He was pleased that his fame had been spread, but thought angrily, “That old rascal, telling these ordinary mortals what I really look like.”

Then he found himself speaking aloud and saying, “Gentlemen, you’re quite right that I’m not Sun the Novice. I’m only a servant of his who’s come here to fool around and practice making trouble. But Sun the Novice is coming—look over there!” He pointed East, tricking all the monks into turning away while he resumed his true appearance.

Only then did they realize who he really was, and fell to the ground to kowtow and say, “My lord, because we have only mortal eyes we failed to recognize you in your disguise. We beg you to go into the city, subdue evil, and save and avenge us.”


Output:
“Come with me then,” said Monkey, and the monks followed him closely.

The Great Sage went straight to the sandbank and used magic to make the cart go through the two gates and along the ridge then lift itself right up and smash itself to smithereens. The bricks, tiles and timber all went tumbling down the slope. “Scatter,” he told the monks, “and keep away from me until I’ve seen the king and wiped out those Taoists tomorrow.”

“But, my lord,” the Buddhist monk said, “we dare not go far. We’re frightened of being arrested by officials and brought back here to be flogged and punished in other ways. It would only make things worse for us.”


Output:
“In that case I’ll give you some magical protection,” said Monkey. The splendid Great Sage then pulled out a handful of hairs and chewed them into little pieces, one of which he gave to each of the monks. “Keep it inside the nail of your third finger, bunch you fingers together, and just keep walking,” he told them. “Nothing will happen unless somebody tries to arrest you. If anyone does, clench your fist and shout, ‘Great Sage Equaling Heaven.’ Then I’ll come and protect you.”

“But, my lord,” the monk said, “what if you’re far away and out of sight? What if you don’t come when we call? Whatever shall we do?”

“Don’t worry yourselves,” said Monkey. “I’ll keep you completely safe even if I’m thousands of miles away.”


Output:
One of the bolder spirits among the monks clenched his fist and said “Great Sage Equaling Heaven” under his breath. A figure like a thunder god holding an iron cudgel appeared before him, so terrifying that not even a huge army would not have dared to approach him. Then over a hundred of the monks called out, and over a hundred Great Sages appeared to protect them.

“Truly a miracle, my lord,” the monks all said, kowtowing.

Monkey then told them to say “Quiet” for their protectors to disappear again. They then all said “Quiet,” and the pieces of hair were once more tucked behind their fingernails. Only then were the monks all happy to disperse and make their escapes.

“Don’t go too far,” said Brother Monkey, “and keep your ears open for news of me. If a notice is issued recalling Buddhist monks, come to the city and return my hair.” The five hundred monks then scattered in all directions; some went away and some stayed where they were.


Output: The story switches back to Sanzang, who gave up waiting beside the track for Monkey to report back and told Pig to lead the horse Westward. They met monks hurrying away, and when they were close to the city wall they found Monkey with a dozen or so monks who had not yet gone. “Wukong,” said Sanzang, reining in his horse, “why did it take you so long to get back from investigating that noise?” Monkey led the dozen or so monks in performing obeisances before Sanzang’s horse and then told him everything that happened. Sanzang was horrified: “What are we to do if that’s the way it is?”


Output:
“Please don’t worry, my lord,” said the dozen or so monks. “His Honour the Great Sage Monkey is a god down from Heaven whose divine powers are tremendous. He will most certainly be able to protect you. We are monks from the Deep Wisdom Monastery, a royal foundation in the city. Because our monastery was founded by the great-grandfather of the present king and there is a statue of him there, the monastery has not been demolished, although all the others in the city, big and small alike, have been torn down. We would like to invite you to come straight into town to stay in our humble monastery. The Great Sage Monkey is bound to find some way of coping at court tomorrow morning.”

“You are right,” said Monkey. “Very well then, let us go into the city without further delay.”


Output:
The venerable elder then dismounted and went on foot to the city gate. The sun was setting in the West as they crossed the drawbridge and went in through the triple gates. People in the streets turned away when they saw the monks of the Deep Wisdom Monastery leading a horse and carrying luggage. When they reached the monastery gates the travelers saw a large sign over them reading DEEP WISDOM MONASTERY: FOUNDED BY ROYAL COMMAND.

The monks pushed the gates open and led them through the Hall of the Vajrapanis before opening the doors of the main hall of the monastery. Sanzang covered himself with his cassock and worshipped the Buddha before

entering.

“Steward!” the monks called, and an old monk came out who kowtowed to Monkey the moment he saw him.

“My lord, are you really here?” he said.

“Do you know which lord I am, bowing like that?” Monkey asked.


Output:
“I can see that you are Lord Sun, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven,” the old monk replied. “We see you in our dreams every night; the Great White Planet is always coming in them to tell us that we will only be saved when you arrive. Now that I have beheld your distinguished countenance I know that it is the same as in our dreams. I am glad you are here so soon, my lord. Had you been a day or two later we would all have become ghosts by then.”

“Please get up,” said Monkey. “Things will be sorted out tomorrow.” The monks then laid on a vegetarian meal for the master and his disciples and tidied up the abbot’s lodgings for them to stay in. They settled down for the night.


Output:
A little before midnight Monkey, who had too much on his mind to go to sleep, heard music outside, got up quietly, dressed, and sprang into the air to look around. To the South he saw lamps and candles burning bright, and when he brought his cloud lower for a close look he saw that in the Temple of the Three Pure Ones the Taoists were performing a star ritual. What he saw was

The high hall of the sanctum,

The true holy shrine.

The high hall of the sanctum

Was as majestic as Penghu’s magic isle;

The true holy shrine

Was mysteriously pure like the Huale Temple.

On either side the Taoist priests played pan-pipes

While the celebrant in the center held a tablet of jade.

They explained The Elimination of Disaster

And preached on The Way and its Power.

When the dust-raising dance was over the talismans were issued;

After making divine petition all lay down in respect.

When the water had been blessed and the spirits summoned,

The fluttering flames of the candles rose up to the sky.


Output:
When the Pole Star was located and the Dipper paced out,

Clouds of fragrant incense filled the void.

Fresh food was offered on the votive tables,

And a rich repast of meatless food laid out.

In front of the hall hung a pair of yellow brocade vertical scrolls on which were embroidered these words:

May winds and rains come as they should;

We pray for the boundless power of the Heavenly Honoured Ones.

May rivers and seas be pure and peaceful;

We beg for many a year of life for His Majesty.

Monkey saw three old Taoists wearing their religious robes; he took them to be the Great Immortals Tiger Power, Deer Power and Antelope Power. Standing below them to either side were a crowd of seven or eight hundred Taoists holding drums, bells, incense and divine petitions. Monkey was delighted.


Output:
“I had meant to go down and fool around with them by myself,” he thought, “but one strand of silk can’t make a thread, and one hand can’t clap. I think I’ll go back and do Friar Sand and Pig a good turn by letting them join in the game with me.”

Monkey then landed his auspicious cloud and went straight into the abbot’s lodgings, where he found Pig and Friar Sand sleeping top to toe. Monkey first called Friar Sand, who woke up and said, “Aren’t you asleep yet, brother?”

“Get up,” said Monkey. “We’re going to have a good feed.”

“Whatever sort of good feed can I have in the middle of the night when my throat’s dried out and my eyes are all bleary?” Friar Sand asked.

“There’s the Temple of the Three Pure Ones in this city where the Taoist priests are holding a service,” Brother Monkey replied. “The Hall of the Three Pure Ones is full of offerings: steamed buns as big as a bucket, cakes that must weight fifty or sixty pounds apiece, any amount of rice, and fresh fruit too. Let’s go and have some.”


Output:
The talk of all this good food was enough to wake Pig up. “Won’t you take me too, brother?” he asked.

“If you want a feed,” said Monkey, “keep your voice down and don’t wake the master. Come with me.”

The two of them dressed, slipped outside, and leapt up by cloud with Monkey. As soon as the idiot saw the lights he wanted to attack, but Monkey held him back and said, “Steady on. We’ll go down when they’ve all gone.”

“But their recitations are only just warming up,” said Pig. “They won’t want to go.”

“I’ll do some magic that will send them packing,” said Monkey.

The splendid Great Sage said the words and made the hand movements of a spell, drew in a breath from the quarter of the wind, and blew a gale so terrible that as it tore into the Hall of the Three Pure Ones it knocked down all the vases, candlesticks, and offerings on the walls and put out all the lamps. The Taoists all shook with terror.


Output:
“You had better go, disciples,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power. “This divine wind has blown out all the lamps and the incense, so you should all go back to bed. Get up early tomorrow morning and recite some more scriptures to make the numbers up.” The Taoists then did indeed all withdraw.

Monkey then led Pig and Friar Sand to land their clouds, and they charged straight into the Hall of the Three Pure Ones. The idiot grabbed some food, not caring whether it was cooked or raw, and was just about to eat it when Monkey raised his iron cudgel to hit him. Pig pulled back his hand and said, “You’re going to hit me before I’ve even tasted anything.”

“Don’t act so low,” said Monkey. “You must pay your respects and sit down before eating.”

“You’re shameless,” said Pig. “You steal food and expect me to pay my respects too. What would I have had to do if we’d been properly invited?”


Output:
“Do you know who the three Bodhisattvas sitting up there are?” Monkey asked. “Can’t you recognize the Three Pure Ones themselves?” asked Pig. “How could you possibly think they are Bodhisattvas?”

“What about those Three Pure Ones?” Monkey asked. “Oh well,” said Pig, “the one in the middle is the Original Celestial Pure One, the one on the left is the Precious Pure One, and the one on the right is the Supreme Lord Lao Zi.”

“We’ve got to make ourselves look like them before we can eat in safety,” said Monkey. The delicious smells of the offerings were making the idiot desperate with hunger, so he climbed on the pedestal of the statue and knocked Lord Lao Zi off it with one shove of his snout.

“You’ve sat here for long enough, old man,” he said. “It’s my turn now.”


Output:
Pig turned himself into the Supreme Lord Lao Zi, Monkey turned himself into the Original Celestial Pure One, and Friar Sand into the Precious Pure One. When the statues had all been pushed over and the three of them were sitting up there Pig grabbed a big steamed bun.

“Not so fast,” said Monkey.

“But brother,” protested Pig, “we’ve already made ourselves look like them. What are we waiting for?”

“Brother,” said Monkey, “eating is much less important than not giving ourselves away. If one of the Taoists got up early to hit the bell or sweep the floor and tripped over a piece of one of the statues we’ve knocked over the news would be out. You’d better hide them.”

“But where?” asked Pig. “I’m a stranger here and I don’t know my way around.”

“When we came in,” said Monkey, “there was a little pair of double doors to the right with an awful stench coming out of them. It must be the place where the five kinds of grain prepare for reincarnation. Put them in there.”


Output:
The idiot really did have some brute strength. When he leapt down he put the three statues over his shoulders and carried them out. On kicking those doors open he found that it was in fact a big lavatory.

“That Protector of the Horses certainly knows how to talk,” he said with a laugh. “He even made up a fancy Taoist name for the shithouse—‘the place where the five kinds of grain prepare for reincarnation.’” Before tipping in the three statues he was carrying he mumbled a prayer:

“Three Pure Ones, Three Pure Ones, hear my prayer. We have come here from afar to wipe out evil spirits. We wish to enjoy your offerings but there was nowhere we could sit. So we’ve had to borrow your pedestals for a while. You have been sitting there long enough, and now you can go into the cesspit. Normally you have no end of things to eat, and you are pure Taoists. But today you’ll have to taste some filth and be stinking Heavenly Honoured Ones.”


Output:
His prayer said, he threw them in with a great splash that covered half his tunic with evil-smelling liquid. When he went hack into the hall Monkey asked him, “Did you hide them properly?”

“I hid them well enough,” the idiot replied, “but I splashed some of that filthy water on my clothes. I hope the stench doesn’t make you feel sick.”


Output: “Never mind,” laughed Monkey, “come and eat now. But you’ll have to clean up before we go outside.” The idiot turned himself back into Lord Lao Zi and the three of them sat down to eat their fill. First they ate the steamed bread, and then they went on to the assorted cold dishes, the rice, the pastries, the buns, the biscuits, the pancakes, the doughnuts, and the steamed pies. They ate whatever they felt like, not caring whether it was hot or cold. Now Monkey was not much of a one for cooked food, so he just ate some fruit to keep the other two company. They cleaned everything up like shooting stars chasing the moon or a wind sweeping the clouds away. When there was nothing else left to eat they did not go, but stayed there chatting and entertaining themselves while they digested the meal.


Output:
What a thing to have done! There was a young Taoist priest who had just gone to bed in his dormitory by the Eastern cloister when he suddenly got up. “I left my handbell in the hall,” he thought, “and if I lose it my master will be angry with me tomorrow.”

“You go to sleep,” he said to other priest who shared his bed, “while I go to look for it.” He was in such a hurry that he did not put his underclothes back on but just pulled on his tunic and went straight to the main hall to look for his bell. He groped all around till he found it and was about to turn and leave when to his consternation he heard the sound of breathing. As he fled in alarm he tripped on a lichee stone and crashed to the ground, smashing his bell to pieces with a tremendous clang. Pig could not help roaring with laughter at this, which terrified the young Taoist out of his wits.

He staggered to the abbots lodgings, knocked on the doors and said, “Masters, disaster.”


Output:
The three senior Taoist were not yet in bed, so they opened the doors and asked, “What disaster?”

“I’d lost my bell,” said the young Taoist, shivering and shaking, “and was looking for it in the hall when I heard a loud laugh that all but scared me to death.”

“Fetch lanterns,” said the senior Taoists on hearing this, “and see what evil creature it is.” This order was passed on to the priests, young and old, in both cloisters, who all got up, lit lamps, and went to the main hall to look.

If you don’t know what they found, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Fourty-Five

In the Hall of the Three Pure Ones the Great Sage Leaves His Name

In the Kingdom of Tarrycart the Monkey King Shows His Powers


Output:
The story tells how the Great Sage Monkey pinched Friar Sand with his left hand and Pig with his right. The two of them realized what was happening and sat there on high, their heads bowed in silence, while the Taoists lit their lamps and shone them all around as they searched. The three of them looked just as if they really were made of clay covered with gold leaf.

“If no evildoers have been here,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power, “how have the offerings all been eaten?”

“It looks as though people have eaten them,” said the Great Immortal Deer Power. “The fruit with skins has all been peeled and the stones have all been spat out of the stone fruit. But why can’t we see anybody?”


Output:
“There is no need to be so suspicious, brother,” said the Great Immortal Antelope Power. “I think that the Heavenly Honoured Ones must have been moved by our reverence and respect in reciting scriptures and making readings day and night, and by the name of His Majesty. Evidently the Three Pure Lords came down to the mortal world to enjoy these offerings. I suggest that we should worship the Heavenly Honoured Ones before they fly away on their cranes. We should beg them for some holy water and golden elixir pills that we can present to His Majesty and thereby win credit for giving him immortality.”

“A good idea,” said Tiger Power. “Let there be music and recitation, my disciples,” he ordered, “and bring me my ceremonial robes so that I may pace out the Dipper dance and pray for immortality for His Majesty.”


Output: The young Taoists did as they were told and were soon neatly drawn up in two groups. At the sound of a stone chime they all began to recite in unison the True Classic of the Way and Its Power of the Yellow Court. Throwing his religious cloak over his shoulders, Tiger Power took his jade tablet in his hands, performed the ritual dance raising the dust before the statues, prostrated himself in respect, and submitted the following memorial to the Pure Ones:


Output:
“In fear and trembling I bow my head in submission. We your subjects promote the faith and long for your pure emptiness. We are suppressing the low vulgarity of Buddhist monks and gaining respect for the brilliance of the Way. A holy temple has been built by command of His Majesty the King. Many an offering has been set out, and the dragon banners hang high; candles burn all night, and incense smokes throughout the day. We worship with complete sincerity, respect and devotion. Now that you have honoured us with your presence we beseech you before you go away in your immortal chariots to grant us tablets of golden elixir and holy water that we may present to His Majesty to bring him life as long as the Southern Hills.”

Pig felt most uncomfortable at all this, and he murmured under his breath to Monkey, “We shouldn’t have stayed to be prayed to after eating the stuff. How are we going to answer their prayers?”


Output:
Monkey gave him another pinch, opened his mouth, and called out, “Cease your worship, young immortals. We have just come from a Peach Banquet, so we did not bring any golden elixir or holy water today. We will present you with some another day.”

When the priests young and old heard the statue speaking they all twitched at their clothes and trembled as they said, “My lord, a living Heavenly Honoured One has come down to earth. Don’t let him go. Whatever you do get him to give us a recipe for eternal life.”


Output:
Tiger Power then stepped forward, bowed again, and said, “Raising the dust while kowtowing in the sincerity of my heart, your humble servant dutifully worships the Three Pure Ones. Since coming to this country we have promoted the Way and suppressed the Buddhist clergy. His Majesty adores the Way and respectfully wishes to prolong his years, which is why we held this great service to heaven and recited scriptures all night. We are most fortunate that you Heavenly Honoured Ones have not disdained from descending in your holy chariots and have appeared in person. We beg you in your mercy to grant us the great boon of a little holy water to lengthen the lives of your disciples.”

“They must be desperate to get it, praying for it again,” muttered Friar Sand under his breath to Monkey, giving him a pinch.

“Then let’s give them some,” said Monkey.

“But where will we get it?” mumbled Pig.

“Watch me,” said Monkey. “When I get some, you’ll have some too.” The Taoists had by now finished playing their music.


Output:
“Young immortals,” said Brother Monkey, “there is no need to prostrate yourselves. I did not originally want to leave any holy water with you in case it destroyed your offspring of immortality, but there would be no difficulty at all about giving you some.”

When the Taoists heard this they all prostrated themselves, kowtowed and said, “We beg and implore the Heavenly Honoured One to grant your disciples some in recognition of the respectful devotion. We have widely taught the Way and its power and won the respect of the king for our sect of mystery.”

“Very well then,” said Monkey, “fetch a vessel.” The Taoists all once again kowtowed in thanks: Tiger Power, who liked to show off, carried in a great earthen jar that he placed in the hall. Deer Power put an earthenware dish on the table for offerings, and Antelope Power took the flowers out of a vase and put it between the other two containers.


Output:
“Withdraw from the hall, all of you,” ordered Monkey, “and screen us off. The secrets of Heaven must not be revealed. Then we can give you some holy water.” The priests then all prostrated themselves below the steps outside the hall and shut the doors.

Monkey then stood up, lifted his tiger-skin kilt, and filled the vase with stinking piss, to the delight of Pig, who said, “In all the years we’ve been brothers we’ve never done this before. I’ve just eaten, and you ask me to do such a thing.” The idiot then lifted his clothes and noisily filled the earthenware dish. The sound was like that of a torrent pouring down a mountainside. Friar Sand half filled the earthen jar.

Then they all straightened their clothes, sat down again, and said, “Come and receive the holy water, young immortals.”


Output:
The Taoist elders then pushed the screens aside and kowtowed in worship and gratitude. When the jar was carried out and put together with the vase and the dish they called, “Disciples, fetch me a cup to try some.” The younger Taoists fetched a teacup and handed it to the elders. The elder filled the cup, drained it, and made a show of wiping his mouth and smacking his lips.

“Is it good, brother?” asked Deer Power.

Pursing his lips together, the most senior of the elders said, “Not very. Tastes a bit off.”

“Let me have a taste,” said Antelope Power. When he had drunk a mouthful he said, “Tastes rather like pig’s urine.”

When Monkey heard this from where he was sitting up there he realized that his plans had been foiled. “I’m going to play a trick just for the hell of it for them to remember me by.” Then he shouted:


Output:
“Oh, Way, Oh Way, what nonsense you imagine. What Three Pure Ones would ever descend to earth? Let me tell you our real names. We are Buddhist monks from the Great Tang, travelling West on imperial orders. Having nothing else to do this pleasant evening we decided to come down to your temple halls. We had eaten the offerings and were sitting here chatting when you started kowtowing to us and worshipping us. How did you expect us to reply. What you’ve been drinking there isn’t holy water—it’s our piss.”

Hearing this the Taoist priests shut the doors and started throwing rakes, brooms, tiles and stones wildly into the hall. Splendid Brother Monkey tucked Friar Sand under his left arm and Pig under his right, rushed out through the door and rode his cloud straight back to the abbot’s lodgings in the Deep Wisdom Monastery. The three of them went back to bed without disturbing their master.


Output:
It was soon the third quarter of the fifth watch, when the king held his dawn court audience, at which the civil and military officials and the four hundred courtiers were all assembled under the crimson light of the silken lanterns and amid clouds of smoke from the incense burners.

At just this time the Tang Priest woke up and called, “Disciples, come with me when I go to show my passport and obtain an exit permit.” Monkey, Pig and Friar Sand got out of bed and into their clothes quickly, then stood waiting in attendance on the master.

“Master,” Monkey reported, “the king here trusts those Taoist priests. He promotes the Way and persecutes Buddhist monks. I’m afraid that if you say the wrong thing he’ll refuse you an exit permit. We had better escort you to the palace.”


Output: The Tang Priest was delighted with this suggestion. He put on his brocade cassock, Monkey took the passport, Pig carried the begging bowl and Friar Sand the monastic staff. The luggage and the horse were entrusted to the care of the monks of the Deep Wisdom Monastery. They went straight to the Tower of Five Phoenixes at the palace gate, where they bowed to the eunuch on duty and told him their names. They said that they were monks from Great Tang in the East on their way to fetch the scriptures who had come to show their papers and obtain an exit permit, and they asked him to pass the message on.


Output: The officer of the gate went straight to the throne hall where he prostrated himself by the steps and reported, “There are four monks outside awaiting Your Majesty’s command by the Tower of Five Phoenixes. They say they are from the Great Tang in the East and going to fetch scriptures.” To this the king replied, “Do they have to come looking for their deaths here? Can’t they do it anywhere else? Why didn’t the police capture them and bring them here under arrest?”


Output: The king’s tutor slipped forward to submit this memorial: “Great Tang in the East is in the Southern Continent of Jambu. It is known as the great land of China. It is over three thousand miles from here, and the way is beset with many a demon. These monks must have some magic powers if they dared to travel West. I beg You Majesty to receive these monks who have come from the far country of China, inspect their travel papers, and let them proceed. Then you will be preserving good relations with China.” The king approved this suggestion. The Tang Priest and his disciples were summoned to the throne hall, where they stood in a row before the steps and submitted their travel document to the king.


Output:
The king had just opened the document and started reading it when the eunuch gate officer came in to report again, “The three Teachers of the Nation are here.” This threw the king into such a fluster that he put the paper away, hurried down from the throne, told his attendants to fetch embroidered stools, and went out to meet the Taoist masters.

Sanzang and his disciples turned round to look and saw the three Great Immortals come majestically in, followed by a pair of page boys with their hair in bunches. They walked straight in while the civil and military officers all bowed low, not daring to look up.

As they entered the throne hall they did not deign to bow to the king, who asked them, “Teachers of the Nation, why have you honoured us with your presence although we have not yet invited you?”

“I have something to report,” the most senior of the Taoists replied. “Where are those four Buddhist monks from?”


Output:
“They have been sent from Great Tang in the East to fetch the scriptures from the Western Heaven,” the king replied, “and they are here to obtain an exit permit.” The three Taoists clapped their hands with delight at this news.

“We thought they had already gone, but they are still here.”

“What do you mean, Teachers?” the king asked in astonishment. “They have only just come to report their names. I was on the point of handing them over to you to use as you will when my tutor made a very sensible suggestion. Out of consideration for the great distance they have come and also to preserve good relations with the land of China I sent for them a moment ago and was just examining their papers when you three Teachers raised this question. Have they offended or harmed you?”


Output: To this the Taoist replied with a smile, “What Your Majesty does not yet know is that they arrived yesterday, killed two of our disciples outside the East Gate, released the five hundred captive Buddhist monks, smashed our cart, broke into our temple at night, destroyed the statues of the Three Pure Ones, and stole their offerings. We were so deceived by them that we though they were Heavenly Honoured Ones come down to earth and asked them for holy water and elixir pills to present to Your Majesty in the hope of securing eternal life for you. We never expected them to make fools of us by giving us urine. We each drank a mouthful to taste, but when we tried to capture them they escaped. If they are still here now it’s a case of meeting your enemy on a narrow road.” All this made the king so angry that he ordered the execution of the four monks.


Output:
The Great Sage Monkey put his hands together and began to yell at the top of his voice, “Please hold back your thunderous wrath for a moment, Your Majesty, and allow us Buddhist monks to make our submission.”

“You have offended the Teachers of the Nation,” the king replied, “and what they say is always right.”

“He accuses me of coming here yesterday and killing two of his disciples,” said Monkey. “What witnesses does he have? Even if we admitted the killing you need only execute two of us monks to pay for their lives and you could release the other two to fetch the scriptures. He doesn’t have any witnesses either for his accusations that I smashed their cart and freed the captive monks. Even if I had done, that wouldn’t be a capital offence. To punish one more of us would be enough. When he says I destroyed the statues of the Three Pure Ones and made havoc in the Taoist temple he’s deliberately trying to frame and murder me.”

“Why?” the king asked.


Output:
“Why?” the king asked.

“We are all from the East,” Monkey replied, “and have only just arrived here. We don’t even know our way round the streets, so how could we possibly know what happened in his temple in the middle of the night? If we had given them some piss they should have arrested us on the spot. They shouldn’t make up these terrible accusations now. There are any number of people in the world who give false names. He could not possibly tell that it was me. I hope Your Majesty will turn your wrath aside and have these charges properly investigated.” The king had been wild with fury before, but now that he had heard what Monkey had to say he could not make up his mind.

As the king was wondering what to do the eunuch gate officer came in once more to report, “Your Majesty, there is a crowd of village elders outside the gates awaiting your summons.”

“What do they want?” the king asked, and ordered them to be sent in.


Output: Thirty or forty of them were brought before the throne hall, where they kowtowed to the king and said, “Your Majesty, there has been no rain this spring and we fear a drought this summer. We have come here to submit a request to Your Majesty that you invite the Teachers of the Nation to pray for timely rain that will save the common people.”


Output:
“You may withdraw,” said the king. “There will be rain.” The elders thanked him for his mercy and withdrew. “Tang monks,” said the king, “do you know why we honour the Way and persecute Buddhist monks? When the Buddhist monks of this country prayed for rain some years ago they did not get a single drop. It was fortunate that Heaven sent down to us the Teachers of the Nation to bring help and deliverance. You have come from afar and offended the Teachers of the Nation, and you thoroughly deserve to be punished for it. If I spare you for the time being, will you enter a rainmaking competition with the Teachers of the Nation? If you can bring about a good fall of rain that saves the common people we shall pardon your crimes, return your paper, and let you go. If you fail you will all be taken to the place of execution and publicly executed.”

“We humble monks know how to pray for things,” said Monkey with a smile.


Output:
Hearing this, the king ordered that the altars be swept clean and sent for his carriage as he was going to watch the ritual from the Tower of Five Phoenixes. The officials then moved him in his carriage to the tower, where he was soon seated. The Tang Priest stood at the foot of the tower with Monkey, Friar Sand and Pig, while the three Taoist masters sat with the king in the tower. Before long an official galloped in to report, “Everything is ready at the altar. Will the Teacher of the Nation please come to the altar?”

The Great Immortal Tiger Power bowed to take his leave of the king and descended from the tower. Brother Monkey blocked his way and said, “Where are you going, sir?”

“To the altar to pray for rain,” the immortal replied.

“You’re being too arrogant,” said Monkey. “Why don’t you show some courtesy to us monks from far away? Oh well, ‘a mighty dragon can’t crush a snake in its lair.’ You go first, but you’ll have to explain to His Majesty.”

“Explain what?” the Great Immortal asked.


Output:
“Explain what?” the Great Immortal asked.

“If we both pray for rain at the altar,” Monkey replied, “how will we know whether it’s your rain or mine? It’ll be hard to tell who should get the credit.” When the king heard this up on his tower he was discreetly delighted as he said, “That little monk talks sense.”

Friar Sand too hid a smile as he thought, “The king doesn’t realize that Monkey hasn’t even started showing how much sense he has in him.”

“No explanations will be needed,” said the immortal. “Of course His Majesty will know whose the rain is.”

“I’m sure he will,” said Monkey, “but we monks from far away have never met you before. If later on both sides made false claims that would be terrible. We must have it all sorted out before we start.”


Output:
“When I go to the altar,” said the Great Immortal, “this magic wand of mine will give the signal. When it first sounds, the wind will come. The second time the clouds will rise. The third time it will bring thunder and lightning. The fourth time it will rain. The fifth time the clouds will break up and the rain will finish.”

“Splendid,” said Monkey with a laugh. “I’ve never seen anything like that. Please go ahead.”


Output: The Great Immortal then strode straight to the gates of the altar compound followed by Sanzang and his disciples. They looked up to see a raised terrace over thirty feet high. To the left and right of it were planted banners bearing the sign of the twenty-eight zodiacal constellations, and clouds of fragrant smoke rose from an incense-burner on a table set at the highest point on the altar. At each end of the table was a candle-holder with candles burning brightly. Beside the incense-burner was a golden tablet inscribed with the titles of the gods of thunder, and below the burner were five great vats all filled with clean water. Sprigs of willow floated on them, and on the willow was an iron plaque bearing the talisman of the Commander of Thunder. To the left and right of these were five stout posts on which were written the names of the five barbarian thunder heralds. By each post stood two Taoist priests ready to strike them with iron hammers. Behind the terrace many Taoist priests were writing things out,


Output: many Taoist priests were writing things out, and in the middle of them was a stove for burning paper and some model figures representing the messengers who carried the charms and the local gods who supported the Taoist teachings.


Output:
The Great Immortal walked straight into the altar enclosure and without any show of modesty went straight up the altar mound and took his place. A young Taoist at his side handed him several yellow pieces of paper that had spells written on them and a precious sword. Holding the sword the Great Immortal recited a spell and burnt a spell on a candle. Two or three of the young Taoists standing below the altar mound passed him a model figure holding a spell and a written document, both of which he also lit and burnt. Then there was a loud report from the wand, and up in the sky the signs of a wind blowing up could be seen.

“This is bad,” muttered Pig. “The Taoist really has got some powers. He just had to sound his wand once to make the wind blow.”

“Keep quiet, brothers,” said Monkey, “and don’t say anything else to me. Look after the master while I get busy.”


Output:
The splendid Great Sage then plucked out one of his hairs, blew on it with magic breath, called “Change!” and turned it into an imitation Monkey who stood by the Tang Priest while his true self escaped, rose up into the air and shouted, “Who’s in charge of the wind?” This threw Granny Wind into such a fluster that she held her cloth bag closed while Young Master Xun tied the string round the mouth. They both came forward and bowed to him.

“I’m protecting the holy priest from Tang on his journey to the Western Heaven to fetch the scriptures,” Monkey said. “We’re now having a rainmaking competition with an evil Taoist in the country of Tarrycart. Why are you helping him instead of me? If you put your wind away I’ll let you off, but if there’s even enough wind to move a whisker in that Taoist’s beard I’ll give you twenty strokes each with my iron cudgel.”

“We wouldn’t dare help him,” said Granny Wind, and the wind then stopped.


Output:
In his impatience Pig started to yell wildly, “Give up, give up. You’ve sounded your wand and there’s not a breath of wind. Come down now and let us go up.”

Once again the Taoist took his magic wand, burnt spells, and made a report with the wand. The sky filled with clouds.

“Who’s spreading the clouds out?” the Great Sage asked up overhead. Boy Cloudpusher and Young Lord Mistspreader bowed to him. Once again Monkey explained what had happened; Cloudpusher and Mistspreader put the clouds away, and the sun shone brightly once more in a clear sky.

“This teacher has been fooling the king and hoodwinking the common people,” laughed Pig. “He doesn’t really have any powers at all. His wand has sounded for the second time, and there’s not a cloud to be seen.”


Output:
By now the Taoist was getting anxious. Leaning on his sword he let down his hair, said the words of a spell, and cracked his magic wand for the third time. From the Southern Gate of Heaven the Heavenly Lord Deng led Grandfather Thunder and Mother Lightning to bow to Monkey in mid-air. Monkey told them what had happened and asked, “Why are you being so dutiful? What sort of orders are they you’re obeying?”

“That Taoist really does know the Five Laws of Thunder,” the Heavenly Lord Deng replied. “He issued the right document, burned the summons, and alarmed the Jade Emperor, who issued an edict to the offices of the Universal Honoured One of the Ninth Heaven Who Responds to the Primal with the Sound of Thunder. We are going on imperial orders to help Grandfather Thunder and Mother Lightning make rain.”

“In that case you’d better stay where you are and let me sort things out,” said Monkey; and indeed the thunder did not sound, nor did the lightning flash.


Output:
The Taoist was becoming more anxious than ever. He lit more incense-sticks, burnt charms, said incantations, and sounded his wand once more. The dragon kings of the four seas all gathered in mid-air. “Where are you going, Ao Guang?” Monkey asked. The four dragon kings Ao Guang, Ao Shun, Ao Qin and Ao Run came up and bowed to him.

He told them what had happened then said, “When I troubled you the other day you didn’t succeed. I hope you will help me again today.”

“We hear and obey,” replied the dragon kings.

Monkey then thanked Ao Shun: “I am very grateful to your son for capturing the monster and saving my master the other day.”

“That wretch is being kept in chains in the sea,” the dragon king Ao Shun replied. “I have not ventured to deal with him on my own initiative, and I would like to ask you, Great Sage, to decide on his sentence.”


Output:
“Deal with him however you think fit,” replied Monkey. “Now I would like you to do me a good turn. That Taoist has now sounded his wand four times, so it’s my turn to perform now. As I don’t know how to use charms, burn talismans, or sound a magic wand I’ll have to ask you gentlemen to help me out.”

“We would not dare disobey a command from the Great Sage,” Heavenly Lord Deng replied. “But we can only act when proper orders are given. Otherwise the thunder and the rain will happen at the wrong times, and the Great Sage will lose his credibility.”

“I’ll give the signs with my cudgel,” said Monkey, to the horror of Grandfather Thunder, who protested, “But my lord, none of us can take your cudgel.”

“No,” said Monkey, “I won’t be hitting you with it. When I point up with it the first time I want wind.”

“We’ll let the wind out,” promised Granny Wind and Young Master Xun.

“The second time I point up I want clouds.”

“We’ll spread out the clouds,” said Cloudpusher and Mistspreader.


Output:
“The third time I point up with the cudgel I want thunder and lightning.”

“We shall obey, we shall obey,” said Grandfather Thunder and Mother Lightning.

“The fourth time I point up with the cudgel I want rain.”

“Your orders will be carried out,” the dragon kings replied.

“And the fifth time I point up with the cudgel I want the sun shining in a clear sky. I won’t have any disobedience or mistakes.”

Having given his orders Monkey brought his cloud down, shook his hair, and put it back on his body. None of those with mortal, fleshly eyes could see what had happened. Monkey then called out in a loud voice, “Please finish now, teacher. You have sounded your magic wand four times without producing any wind, clouds, thunder or rain. It’s my turn now.” The Taoist could stay at the altar no longer; he had to come down and allow Monkey to take his place while he went with a long face to climb the tower to see the king. “Wait while I go up with him and hear what he has to say,” said Monkey.


Output:
He heard the king asking, “Why was there no wind or rain when you sounded your magic wand four times? We are listening most carefully.”

“The dragons are all out today,” the Taoist replied.

“Your Majesty,” yelled Monkey, “today the dragons are all in. It was just that the Teacher of the Nation’s magic didn’t work and he couldn’t get them to come. Just watch how we Buddhist monks can make them come.”

“Climb to the altar then,” said the king. “We shall remain here and await rain.”

As soon as he received this command Brother Monkey hurried to the altar compound, tugged at the Tang Priest’s clothes, and said, “Master, please climb the altar mound.”

“But I do not know how to pray for rain, disciple,” said Sanzang.

“He’s trying to murder you,” said Pig. “If there’s still no rain they’ll bring firewood along and send you up in flames.”


Output:
“You may not know how to pray for rain,” said Monkey, “but you’re good at reciting scriptures. I’ll help you.” Only then did the venerable elder start to climb to the altar. When he reached the top he sat down with great dignity, settled his nature, brought his spirit under control, and quietly recited the Prajna-paramita Heart Sutra. As he sat there an official messenger galloped up to him to ask, “Monk, why aren’t you sounding a magic wand or burning charms and summonses?”

“He doesn’t need to,” Monkey shouted back. “We pray in stillness and silence.” The official returned to the king to report this reply.


Output:
When Monkey heard that his master had finished reciting the sutra he produced his cudgel from his ear, waved it in the breeze to make it about twelve feet long and as thick as a ricebowl, and pointed it towards the sky. As soon as Granny Wind saw it she opened her leather bag while Young Master Xun untied the rope round its mouth. There was then the howling of a wind that tore off tiles and sent bricks flying throughout the city. It was evidently a splendid wind, not at all like ordinary ones:

Willow were broken and flowers hurt,

Trees blown down in devastated woods.

The walls collapsed in halls of nine stories;

Beams and columns were shaken in the Five Phoenix Tower.

In the sky the red sun turned dark,

And the yellow dust of the earth began to fly.

The officers before the reviewing stand were scared;

Terror struck the civil officials in their hall.

The beauties of the harem had their hair blown untidy;

The royal consorts’ coiffures were all ruined.

Tassels fell from the coronets of nobles;


Output:
Tassels fell from the coronets of nobles;

The black silk hat of the premier took wing.

The king was too terrified to speak,

The eunuchs could not hand in their reports.

Senior officials stood in disorder,

High-level functionaries broke ranks.

Coloured pavilions and turquoise screens were ruined;

Green windows and crimson doors were wrecked.

Bricks and tiles flew from the throne hall;

In the Brocade Cloud Chamber doors leaned and partition were smashed.

Vicious indeed was this terrible gale,

Making hard for the king to see his sons,

And driving the people from streets and markets:

Every household firmly shut its doors.

Just as this gale was at its height Brother Monkey gave another display of his divine powers as he pointed his gold-banded cudgel up into the sky for the second time. What could then be seen was:

The Boy Cloudpusher,

Young Lord Mistspreader.

The Boy Cloudpusher showed his divine magic,

Making great rocklike heaps that hung down from the sky;


Output:
Young Lord Mistspreader used his powers .

To cover the earth with thick, dense fog.

All was dark in the three markets;

Black were the six main streets of the city.

Leaving the sea together with the wind,

They appeared with the rain in the Kunlun Mountains,

Filled heaven and earth in an instant,

Immediately covered the mortal world.

All was reduced to obscurity

And the doors of the Five Phoenix Tower disappeared.

In an instant there was dense fog and thick clouds everywhere. Monkey then pointed his gold-banded cudgel into the air a third time, with alarming results:

Grandfather Thunder was angry,

Mother Lightning was furious.

Grandfather Thunder was angry

As he rode backwards on his fire beast down from Heaven;

Mother Lightning was furious

As she left her Dipper Palace lashing out with her golden snake.

The thunder crashed and roared,

Shaking the Iron Fork Mountain;

Brilliant flashes of red silk

Flew from the Eastern Ocean.

The noise rumbled like carts;


Output:
The noise rumbled like carts;

The flashes were like rice plants gleaming in the wind.

The spirit of all living shoots revived,

Many a sleeping insect came to life.

It terrified monarch and subject alike;

The sound made merchants nervously active.

The thunder roared with the noise of an earthquake or a landslide, so frightening the people in the city that they all burnt incense and imitation money. “Deng,” shouted Monkey familiarly, “make sure that you kill me a few more corrupt officials who twist the laws and disobedient sons who do not do their duty to their parents as an example to the people.” The thunder became louder than ever, and Monkey pointed his cudgel upwards for

the fourth time.

The dragons gave their orders

And ram filled Heaven and earth,

As if the river in the sky was filling the heavenly gulf,

And as fast as clouds passing over the ocean’s gates.

It pattered on the roof of the tower,

Splashed against the windows.

Now that the river in the sky had flooded,


Output:
Now that the river in the sky had flooded,

White waves rolled along the streets.

They moved around like a dish being picked up,

Splashed like water being tipped from a bowl.

The lonely farm’s houses were almost covered by the flood,

Which was nearly as high as the bridge across the river.

The mulberry fields indeed were turning into sea,

And dry land was under water in an instant.

This was the help the dragons gave,

As they lifted the Yangtse and poured the water down.

The rain started at about eight in the morning and lasted till around noon, by when all the streets inside and outside the capital of Tarrycart were running with water. The king then issued a command: “Enough rain has fallen now. If there is any more the growing crops will be drowned and it will be a disaster.”


Output:
The officer on duty at the foot of the Tower of Five Phoenixes whipped his horse and rode through the rain to say, “Holy monk, that is enough rain.” Hearing this, Monkey pointed his gold-banded cudgel towards the sky again, and at once the thunder stopped, the wind fell, the rain ceased and the clouds scattered.

The king was delighted, and all the civil and military officials said in admiration, “What a marvellous monk. How true it is that however good you are at something there’s always somebody better. Our Teachers of the Nation are very effective at making rain, but when they ask for fine weather the drizzle goes on for hours before clearing up. However can this monk make the skies clear the moment he gives the word, so that the sun shines bright on the instant and there isn’t a cloud to be seen for miles around?”


Output:
The king ordered that his carriage be taken back to the court, where he would return the Tang Priest’s passport with an exit permit and allow him to go. Just when he was placing the royal seal on the document the three Taoists came in to stop him, saying, “Your Majesty, that rain was caused not by the monk but by our efforts.”

“But you told me earlier that it did not rain because the dragon kings were not at home,” said the king. “When the Buddhist monk went up to the altar and prayed in stillness and silence the rain came. How can you possibly try to take the credit from him?”


Output: “When I went to the altar, burnt the charms and summonses and sounded my magic wand,” the Great Immortal Tiger Power said, “the dragon kings would not have dared stay away. No doubt they had been called elsewhere, which was why the authorities in charge of wind, cloud, thunder and rain were all out. When they heard my order they hurried here, which happened to be just when I was coming down from the altar and he was going up to it. It was a coincidence that it rained then. Essentially it was I who summoned the dragons and made it rain. The credit can’t possibly go to him.” In his confusion the king took this suggestion seriously and was once again unable to make up his mind.


Output:
Monkey took a step forward, put his hands together in front of his chest, and said, “Your Majesty, these heterodox magic tricks achieved nothing; the credit is neither his nor mine. But the dragon kings of the four seas are still in the sky here. I haven’t sent them away, and they wouldn’t dare leave on their own initiative. If the Teacher of the Nation can make the dragon kings appear he can take the credit.”

This delighted the king, who said, “In the twenty-three years we have been on the throne we have never seen what a live dragon looks like. You must both display your magic powers. Whoever can make them come, be he Taoist or Buddhist, will have the credit; and whoever fails will be punished.”

Of course that Taoists did not have the power. In the presence of the Great Sage the dragon kings would not have dared show their faces in response to a call from the Taoists. “We cannot do it,” said the Taoists. “You summon them.”


Output:
The Great Sage looked up to the sky and yelled at the top of his voice, “Where are you, Ao Guang? You and your brothers must show yourselves to me in your true forms.” On hearing this summons the dragon kings soon appeared in their true forms; writhing through the mist and clouds in the sky they danced through the air to the throne hall. This was what could be seen:

Flying transformations,

Coiling through the clouds.

Their jade claws hung like white hooks,

Their silver scales danced with the brightness of mirrors.

Vigor was in every strand of their floating white beards;

And their horns rose proud and full of purity.

Lofty were their foreheads,

Bright shone their round, round eyes.

None can predict their appearance;

Their flight is beyond appraisal.

But when the rain was prayed for, it fell,

And the skies cleared as soon as requested.

These were holy and magical dragons,

Surrounding the palace with numinous radiance.


Output:
Surrounding the palace with numinous radiance.

The king burnt incense in his palace hall and the ministers bowed low in worship before the steps. “Now that your noble selves have granted us your presence we need detain you no longer,” said the king. “We shall have a thanksgiving mass said another day.”

“All you gods may now go too,” said Monkey. “The king will have a thanksgiving mass said another day.” The dragon kings went straight back to their oceans, and the gods all returned to Heaven. Indeed:

Great and boundless is the wonderful Dharma;

False faiths are smashed when its truth is revealed.

If you don’t know how evil was eliminated, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Fourty-Six

False Faith Oppresses the True Dharma

The Sage Mind-Ape Eliminates Evil


Output:
The Sage Mind-Ape Eliminates Evil

The story tells how when the king saw that Monkey had the power to summon dragons and order gods about he put his seal on the passports and handed them to the Tang Priest, whom he allowed to continue on his journey West. The three Taoist masters were so terrified that they prostrated themselves in the Hall of Golden Bells and submitted a memorial to the king, who came down from his dragon throne, helped them to their feet with his own hand, and said, “Why are you performing this obeisance to me today?”


Output:
“Your Majesty,” the Taoists replied, “we came here to help the country, protect the state and look after the people. We have toiled here for twenty years but now these Buddhist monks have put themselves ahead of us and ruined our reputation with a magic trick. Are you not insulting us by letting them off their death sentences just because of some rain? We implore you to keep their papers and allow us three brothers to challenge them to another competition. What do you think?”

The king of Tarrycart really was muddle-headed: when he heard advice from the East he inclined to the East, and when he was advised from the West he inclined to the West. “What sort of competition with them do you propose, Teachers of the Nation?” he asked.

“We would like to compete with them in sitting in meditation,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power.


Output:
“The Teacher of the Nation must have made a mistake,” the king replied. “That monk comes from a sect that practices dhyana meditation. He must have mastered the art of meditation before his emperor sent him to fetch scriptures. Why would you want to compete with him at that?”

“The way we sit in meditation,” the Great Immortal replied, “is not the ordinary way. It has a special name: ‘revealing one’s holiness on a cloud ladder’”

“What does that mean?” the king asked.

“A hundred tables are needed,” said the Great Immortal. “Fifty of them are piled one on top of each other to make the meditation platform. Once must mount it not by using one’s hands or a ladder, but by riding a cloud to take one’s seat on it and sit motionless for the agreed number of hours.”


Output:
Realizing that this was rather difficult he asked this question: “Monks, the Teacher of the Nation would like to compete with you in a way of sitting in meditation called ‘revealing one’s holiness on a cloud ladder’. Can any of you do that?” When Monkey heard this he kept silent and did not reply.

“Brother,” asked Pig, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I’ll be honest with you,” Monkey replied. “I can manage all sorts of tricks like kicking the sky into a well, stirring up the sea, turning rivers upside down, lifting mountains, chasing the moon away, and moving stars and constellations around. I’m not afraid of having my head chopped off, my brains sliced up, my entrails laid open, my heart cut out and being shifted about in other ways like that. But when it comes to sitting in meditation I’m beaten. I’m not a sitter by nature. Even if you chained me to an iron column I’d want to wriggle up and down. I’d never want to sit still.”

Then Sanzang cut in with, “I can sit in meditation.”


Output:
“That’s splendid,” said Monkey with delight, “splendid. But how long can you do it for?”

“When I was young,” Sanzang replied, “a monk of the Chan sect who came to my monastery taught the way of fastening one’s being to the root, settling the nature, and fixing the spirit while on the boundary of life and death. I can sit for two or three years.”

“If you’re going to sit there for two or three years, Master,” said Monkey, “we can give up the idea of going to fetch the scriptures. You won’t need to sit there for more than a few hours before coming down.”

“But I can’t get up there, disciple,” Sanzang protested.

“Go forward and accept the challenge,” said Monkey. “I’ll get you up there.”


Output:
The venerable elder put his hands together in front of his chest and said, “This humble monk can sit in meditation.” The king then ordered that the meditation platforms be built. The state had the resources to tear down mountains, and in less than an hour the two meditation platforms had been built, one to each side of the throne hall.

The Great Immortal Tiger Power then went down from the hall, stood in the middle of the steps, sprang into the air and went straight up on a cloud to the Western platform and set down. Monkey plucked out one of his hairs and turned it into a double of himself that stood below with Pig and Friar Sand while he made his real self into a coloured auspicious cloud that lifted the Tang Priest up through the air to take his seat on the Eastern platform.

Then he put the cloud away, turned into the tiniest of insects, flow into Pig’s ear, and said, “Brother, keep a very close eye on the master and don’t talk to my double.”


Output:
“I understand, I understand,” replied the idiot with a grin.

The Great Immortal Deer Power had been sitting on his embroidered cushion for a very long time watching the two of them sitting on their high platforms without either emerging as the winner. He decided to help his elder brother, so he plucked a hair from the back of his head, rolled it into a ball, and flicked it straight at the Tang Priest’s head, where it turned into a huge bedbug that started biting the venerable elder. Sanzang first itched and then was in pain. When sitting in meditation movements of the hand are forbidden; if he moved his hand he would lose. The agony was soon unbearable, and he pulled his head down to scratch it against his collar.

“This is bad,” said Monkey. “The master’s being driven mad by epilepsy.”

“No,” said Friar Sand, “it’s a migraine.”


Output:
“No,” said Friar Sand, “it’s a migraine.”

When Monkey heard this he said, “Our master is sincere and a gentleman. If he says he can sit in meditation he most certainly can. Gentlemen don’t lie. You two shut up while I go up there for a look.” The splendid Monkey then flew with a buzz straight up to the Tang Priest’s head, where he saw a bedbug the size of a bean biting the master. He immediately picked it off him then scratched and rubbed his head for him, so that the venerable elder did not itch or ache any more and sat up straight again.


Output: “Monks have bald heads,” thought Brother Monkey, “and not even a louse could settle on one, let alone a bedbug. I think it must have been a trick by those Taoists to get the master killed. Hunh! Well, they haven’t won yet, despite their cheating. I’ll try a trick on them.” Monkey then flew up and landed on the head of one of the ceramic animals on the roof of the palace hall. He shook himself and turned into a poisonous centipede seven inches long that went straight for the Taoist and stung him in the nose. The Taoist could sit still no longer, and tumbling head over heels he fell off the platform and would probably have died had not the senior and junior officials saved him. The horrified king sent the royal tutor to take the Taoist to the Hall of Literary Splendor to comb his hair and clean himself up; meanwhile Monkey went up on his auspicious cloud to carry his victorious master down to before the steps of the throne hall.


Output:
The king ordered that Sanzang be allowed to leave the country, but the Great Immortal Deer Power made this submission: “Your Majesty, my elder brother has long suffered from rheumatism. The heavenly wind in that high place brought on a new attack of his illness, which was why the Buddhist monk won. Please keep him here so that I can compete with him at guessing objects through wooden boards?”

“What is guessing objects through wooden boards?” the king asked.

“This humble Taoist has the power of knowing what is on the other side of a board,” Deer Power replied, “and I would like to see whether that Buddhist monk can too. If he is better at guessing than I am, let him go. But if he is not then I hope Your Majesty will decide what crime he is guilty of, avenge us brothers, and not allow our twenty years of protecting the country to be sullied.”


Output:
The king was so utterly muddle-headed that he accepted this malicious suggestion and ordered that a red lacquered chest be carried by the eunuchs of the royal household into the harem, where his queen was told to put one of her treasures inside. The chest was carried out and set in front of the steps of the throne hall a few moments later. “Your two faiths must each compete with your magical powers in guessing what treasure is in the chest,” he told the Buddhist and the Taoist.

“Disciple,” asked Sanzang, “how can I tell what is inside?”


Output:
Monkey put his cloud away, turned himself back into the smallest of insects, landed on Sanzang’s face and said, “Don’t worry, master. I’ll go and take a look.” The splendid Great Sage flew over to the chest, crawled under its legs, and saw a crack between the boards through which he squeezed inside. Here he saw a red lacquer tray in which was placed a set of court robes: a mountain, river and state jacket and a heaven, earth and land skirt. He picked them up, shook and crumpled them, bit the tip of his tongue, sprayed a mouthful of blood over them, called “Change!” and turned them into a worn-out cloak into which he pissed before crawling out through the crack between the boards. He then flew back to the Tang Priest’s ear and said, “Master, say that it’s a worn-out cloak.”

“But he told me to guess what treasure is inside,” said the Tang Priest. “What sort of treasure is an old cloak?”


Output:
“Never mind about that,” said Monkey. “Just make that guess.” The Tang Priest stepped forward and was just about to state his guess when Deer Power said, “I shall make the first guess. The chest contains a mountain, river and state jacket and a heaven, earth and land skirt.”

“No,” said the Tang Priest, “it does not. The chest contains a rotten cloak.”

“That monk is being outrageous,” said the king. “He has the effrontery to suggest that our country has no treasures by guessing that it contains a tattered old cloak. Execute him!”


Output:
The two groups of guards officers were just about to fall upon the Tang Priest when he called out desperately, “Your Majesty, spare me for a moment while the chest is opened for you to look inside. If there really is a treasure there I shall accept my punishment; but if there is not you would be doing me an injustice.” The king then ordered that the chest be opened, and when the officials in attendance on him opened it and lifted out the red tray he saw that there really was a putrid old cloak on it.

“Who put that there?” asked the king in a great fury.

The queen then slipped forward from behind the dragon throne to say, “My lord, I put the mountain, river and state jacket and the heaven, earth and land skirt inside myself. I don’t know how they can have turned into that.”


Output:
“You may retire, good wife,” said the king. “I believe you. All the things used in the harem are of the finest silks and gauzes. We would never have anything like that.” He then ordered that the chest be carried up to him so that he could put a treasure inside it himself for another test.

The king then went into the harem, picked a peach as big as a bowl from the magic peach tree in the palace gardens, placed it in the chest and had it carried down for the two of them to guess what it was.

“Disciple,” said the Tang Priest, “I have to guess again.”


Output:
“Don’t worry,” said Monkey, “I’ll take another look.” Once more he buzzed over, went in through the same crack, and saw a peach that was just to his liking. He turned back into himself and ate the peach clean up as he sat in the chest, nibbling every single piece of it, including the damaged parts of the skin, and leaving the stone there when he turned back into the tiniest of insects and flew back to land on Sanzang’s ear. “Master,” he said, “guess that it’s a peach stone.”

“Don’t make a fool of me, disciple,” said Sanzang. “If I hadn’t spoken up fast just now I would have been executed. This time I must guess that it is something precious, and there is nothing precious about a peach stone.”

“Don’t be afraid,” said Monkey. “All that matters is winning.”

Before Sanzang could speak the Great Immortal Antelope Power said, “I shall make the first guess. It is a magic peach.”

“It is not a peach, only a peach stone,” said Sanzang.


Output:
“But we put the peach in there ourself,” said the king. “It could not possibly be only a stone. The Third Teacher of the Nation is right.”

“Your Majesty,” put in Sanzang, “open the chest up and look.”

Once more the officials in attendance carried the chest up to be opened, lifted out the dish, and revealed only a stone with no skin or flesh, a sight that shocked the king.

“Teachers of the Nation,” he said, “stop competing with him and let him go. We put the magic peach in there with our own hands. If there is only a stone there now, who can have eaten it? He must have gods or demons helping him in secret.”

When Pig heard this he said to Friar Sand with a touch of a sarcastic grin, “The king doesn’t realize that Monkey is an expert when it comes to eating peaches.”


Output:
As he was saying this the Great Immortal Tiger Power came back into the throne hall after combing his hair and washing himself in the Hall of Literary Splendor. “Your Majesty,” he said, “this monk has the art of shifting and changing things. Have the chest brought up here. I will break his magic and have another divination contest with him.”

“What do you want to guess now?” the king asked.

“Magic can change only things, not people,” said Tiger Power. “Hide this boy Taoist in the chest, and I guarantee that the monk will not be able to change him.” The boy got inside, the lid was put on, and the chest carried down.

“Guess what treasure is inside it this third time, monk,” the king said.

“Again!” exclaimed Sanzang, to which Monkey replied, “Wait while I take another look.” Once more he buzzed over and squeezed inside, this time to find a little boy inside.


Output:
Splendid Monkey knew what to do. How true it is that few in the world can do improvised transformations, and hardly any as skillfully as he. He shook himself, turned into the exact image of the old Taoist, went into the chest and said “Disciple.”

“Where have you come from, master?” the boy asked him.

“I came by disappearing magic,” Monkey replied.

“What instructions do you have for me?” the boy asked.

“The Buddhist monk saw you getting into the chest,” said Monkey, “and if he says that there’s a young Taoist in here we’ll have lost. I’ve come here to work out a plan with you. We’ll shave your head and guess that you’re a Buddhist monk.”

“Do whatever you decide, master,” said the boy, “as long as we win. If we lose to him again our reputation will be ruined and the king will have no more respect for us.”


Output: “You are right,” said Monkey. “Come here, my boy, and if we win I’ll reward you richly.” He then turned his gold-banded cudgel into a razor, put his arms firmly round the boy, and said, “Put up with the pain, there’s a good boy, and don’t make a sound while I shave your head.” In an instant he had shaved off the boy’s hair, which he stuffed into a ball and hid in a corner of the chest. Then he put the razor away and stroked the boy’s shaven pate saying, “Your head looks like a Buddhist monk’s now, my boy, but your clothes are wrong. Take them off and I’ll transform them for you.”


Output:
The boy took off his greenish-white cloud-patterned crane cloak with embroidered brocade hems. Monkey blew on it with a magic breath, called “Change!” and turned it into a brown Buddhist monk’s habit for the boy to put on. Monkey pulled out two more hairs and turned them into a wooden fish that he gave to the boy saying, “Listen carefully, disciple. Whatever happens don’t come out when you hear a call of ‘Taoist boy’. But when you hear someone say ‘Buddhist monk,’ lift the lid of the chest with your head, strike the wooden fish, and come out reciting a Buddhist surra. Do that and we will win.”

“But I can only recite the Classic of the Three Officials, the Classic of the Dipper, and the Classic of Elimination of Disaster,” said the boy, “I don’t know any Buddhist scriptures.”

“Can you recite the name of a Buddha?” asked Monkey. “Anyone can recite ‘Amitabha Buddha,’” the boy replied.


Output:
“That’ll have to do then,” said Monkey. “Recite the Buddha’s name and save me the trouble of having to teach you a sutra. Remember what I’ve told you as I’m going now.” Monkey then turned back into the tiniest of insects, squeezed out, flew back to beside the Tang Priest’s ear, and said, “Master, say that there’s a Buddhist monk inside.”

“This time we are certain to win,” replied Sanzang.

“How can you be so sure?” Monkey asked.

“The sutras teach us that there are three treasures,” said Sanzang, “the Buddha, the Dharma and the Clergy; so a monk must count as a treasure.”

As Sanzang was saying this the Great Immortal Tiger Power said, “Your Majesty, this third time there is a Taoist boy inside.” Tiger Power called and called but the boy would not come out. Sanzang then put his hands together and said, “There is a monk inside.”


Output:
“There’s a monk inside the chest,” shouted Pig at the top of his voice, at which the boy raised the lid of the chest with his head and stepped out, beating his wooden fish and repeating the name of the Buddha. The civil and military officials were so delighted that they all cheered; while the terrified Taoists were at a loss for words.

“This monk is being helped by gods and demons,” said the king. “How else could he have got into the chest as a Taoist boy and stepped out as a Buddhist monk? Even if a barber had got in with him he could only have shaved his head; but he’s wearing a well-fitting habit and repeating the Buddha’s name too. Teachers of the Nation, you must let those monks go.”

To this the Great Immortal Tiger Power replied, “Your Majesty, this is a case of a chess-player meeting his match, or a general coming up against a master strategist. We would like to try the martial arts we learned as boys in the Zhongnan Mountains against him.”

“What martial arts?” the king asked.


Output:
“What martial arts?” the king asked.

“We three brothers all have some divine powers,” Tiger Power replied. “We can put our head back on when they have been cut off; open up our chests, cut out our hearts, and make ourselves whole again; and take a bath in boiling oil.”

“But those are all certain death,” exclaimed the king in horror. “We have these powers,” said Tiger Power, “which is why I can give you a clear undertaking that we will not give up until we have been allowed a tournament with him.”

Monkey had just turned himself back into the tiniest of insects and gone over to investigate when he heard all this. Reverting to his real form he roared with laughter and said, “What luck, what marvellous luck. Business has brought itself to my front door.”

“But those are all ways of getting yourself killed,” said Pig. “How can you talk about business coming to your front door?”

“You still don’t know my powers,” said Monkey.


Output:
“You still don’t know my powers,” said Monkey.

“But all the transformations you can do are more than enough,” said Pig. “You can’t have powers like that too.”

To this Monkey said,

“Cut off my head and I’ll still go on talking,

Lop off my arms and I’ll sock you another.

Chop off my legs and I’ll carry on walking,

Carve up my guts and I’ll put them together.

“When anyone makes a meat dumpling

I take it and down it in one.

To bath in hot oil is really quite nice,

A warm tub that makes all the dirt gone.”

When Pig and Friar Sand heard this they roared with laughter. Monkey then stepped forward and said, “Your Majesty, this humble monk can be beheaded.”

“What do you mean, you can be beheaded?” the king asked.

“When I was cultivating my conduct in the monastery many years ago,” Monkey replied, “a dhyana monk who came there taught me a method of being beheaded. I don’t know if it’s any good, and I’d like to try it out today.”


Output:
“That monk is too young to have any sense,” said the king with a smile. “Having your head cut off isn’t something that you can try out for I fun. Your head is the chief of the Six Positives, and when it’s cut off you’re dead.”

“Your Majesty,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power, “this is just the way I want him to act so that we can get our revenge on him.” Believing him, the foolish monarch ordered that a place for public execution be prepared.

As soon as the order was given, three thousand men of the royal guard were drawn up outside the palace gates. “The monk shall be beheaded first,” said the king. Monkey cheerfully agreed: “I’ll go first, I’ll go first.”

Then he put his hands together and shouted, “Teacher of the Nation, I hope you’ll forgive my effrontery in going first.” Monkey then turned round and went outside.

“Be careful, disciple,” said Sanzang, catching hold of him as he passed, “this is no place for fooling about.”


Output:
“What’s there to be afraid of?” said Monkey. “Stop holding me; let me go.”

The Great Sage went straight to the execution ground, where the executioners grabbed him and tied him up so that he was like a ball. When he was placed high on the earthen mound a shout of “Behead him!” was heard, and his head was cut off as the sword whistled down. The executioners then kicked it and sent it rolling thirty or forty paces away like a ripe watermelon. No blood came from Monkey’s throat as a shout of “Come here, head” rose from his stomach.

The Great Immortal Tiger Power was so appalled by this display of magical skill that he said a spell and ordered the local deity, “Hold on to that head. When I’ve beaten this monk I shall request His Majesty to rebuild your little shrine as a big temple and replace your clay statue with a gold one.” Now the local deity was under Tiger Power’s control because Tiger Power had the five-thunder magic, so he held Monkey’s head down.


Output:
“Come here, head,” Monkey called again, but his head was no more able to move than if it had taken root there. Monkey was now feeling anxious, so he made a spell with his hands, burst out of the ropes that were binding him, and shouted, “Grow!” In a flash another head grew on his neck, so terrifying the executioners and the soldiers of the guard army that they all shivered and shook.

The officer supervising the executions rushed into the palace to report, “Your Majesty, when the little monk’s head was cut off he grew another one.”

“So that’s another trick our brother can do,” said Pig to Friar Sand with a mocking laugh.

“As he can do seventy-two transformations,” said Friar Sand, “he has seventy-two heads.”

Before he had finished saying this Monkey came back and called, “Master!”

“Was it painful, disciple?” asked a greatly relieved Sanzang.

“No, it wasn’t painful,” said Monkey, “it was fun.”

“Brother,” asked Pig, “do you need sword-wound ointment?”

“Feel if there is a scar,” said Monkey.


Output:
“Feel if there is a scar,” said Monkey.

The idiot put out his hand and said with a smile of wide-eyed astonishment, “Fantastic. It’s completely whole—there’s not even a scar.”

While the brother-disciples were congratulating each other they heard the king calling on them to take their passport and saying, “We grant you a full pardon. Go at once.”

“We accept the passport, but we insist that the Teacher of the Nation must be beheaded too to see what happens,” said Monkey.

“Senior Teacher of the Nation,” said the king, “that monk’s not going to let you off. You promised to beat him, and don’t give me another fright this time.” Tiger Power then had to take his turn to go to be tied up like a ball by the executioners and have his head cut off with a flash of the blade and sent rolling over thirty paces when it was kicked away.

No blood came from his throat either, and he too called out, “Come here, head.”


Output:
Monkey instantly pulled out a hair, blew a magic breath on it, said, “Change!” and turned it into a brown dog that ran across the execution ground, picking the Taoist’s head up with its teeth and dropping it into the palace moat.

The Taoist shouted three times but did not get his head to come back. As he did not have Monkey’s art of growing a new one the red blood started to gush noisily from his neck.

No use were his powers to call up wind and rain;

He could not compete with the true immortal again.

A moment later his body collapsed into the dust, and everyone could see that he was really a headless yellow-haired tiger The officer supervising the executions then came to report, “Your Majesty, the Senior Teacher of the Nation has had his head cut off and cannot grow a new one. He is lying dead in the dust and is now a headless yellow-haired tiger.” This announcement made the king turn pale with shock. He stared at the other two Taoist masters, his eyes not moving.


Output:
Deer Power then rose to his feet and said, “My elder brother’s life is now over, but he was no tiger. That monk in his wickedness must have used some deception magic to turn my elder brother into a beast. I will never forgive him for this, and am resolved to compete with him in opening the stomach and cutting out the heart.”

When the king heard this he pulled himself together and said, “Little monk, the Second Teacher of the Nation wants another competition with you.”

“I hadn’t had a cooked meal for ages,” said Monkey, “until the other day I was given a meal at a vegetarian’s house on our journey West. I ate rather a lot of steamed bread, and my stomach has been aching recently. I think I must have worms, so I’d be glad to borrow Your Majesty’s sword, cut my stomach open, take out my innards, and give my spleen and my stomach a good clean-out before going to the Western Heaven.”


Output:
When the king heard this he said, “Take him to the place of execution.” A whole crowd of people fell upon Monkey, took hold of him, and began dragging him there. Monkey pulled his hands free and said, “No need to grab hold of me. I can walk there myself. There’s just one condition: my hands mustn’t be tied up as I will need them to wash my innards.” The king then ordered that his hands be left free.

Monkey walked with a swagger straight to the execution ground, where he leant against the stake, undid his clothes, and exposed his stomach. The executioners tied ropes round his neck and his legs, then made a quick cut in his stomach with a knife shaped like a cow’s ear. This made a hole into which Monkey thrust both his hands to open it further as he brought out his entrails. He spent a long time checking them over carefully before putting them all back inside. Then he bent over again, pinched the skin of his stomach together, breathed a magic breath on it, called out, “Grow!” and made it join up again.


Output:
The king was so shocked that he gave Monkey the passport with his own hands, saying, “Here is your passport. Please don’t let me delay you holy monks on your journey West any longer.”

“Never mind the passport,” said Monkey, “but what about asking the Second Teacher of the Nation to be cut open?”

“This is nothing to do with me,” the king said to Deer Power.

“You wanted a match with him, and now you must go ahead.”

“Don’t worry,” said Deer Power. “I cannot possibly lose to him.”


Output:
Watch him as he swaggers like the Great Sage Monkey to the execution ground to be tied up by the executioners and have his stomach cut open with a whistle of the cow’s-ear knife. He too took out his entrails and sorted them out with his own hands. Monkey meanwhile pulled out one of his hairs, blew on it with a magic breath, shouted, “Change!” and turned it into a hungry eagle that spread its wings, stretched out its claws, swooped down, grabbed the Taoist’s internal organs, heart, liver and all, and flew off nobody knew where to devour them. The Taoist was

Left as an empty, eviscerated ghost,

With no entrails or stomach as he wanders around lost.

The executioners kicked the wooden stake down and dragged the body over to look at it. To their surprise they found it was that of a white-haired deer.


Output:
The officer supervising the executions came to make another shocked report: “The Second Teacher of the Nation has met with disaster. He died when his stomach was cut open and a hungry eagle carried off all his entrails and internal organs in its claws. He turns out to have been a white-haired deer.”

“How could he have been a deer?” asked the king in terror. To this the Great Immortal Antelope Power submitted the following reply: “How could my elder brother possibly look like an animal after his death? This is all the result of that monk using magic to ruin us. Let me avenge my elder brother.”

“What magic arts do you have at which you might beat him?” the king asked. “I will compete with him at bathing in boiling oil,” Antelope Power replied. The king then ordered that a great cauldron be brought out and filled with sesame oil for the two of them to have their competition.


Output:
“I’m most grateful for your consideration,” said Monkey. “I haven’t had a bath for a very long time, and these last couple of days my skin has begun to itch. I need a good, hot soak.”

The officials in attendance on the king then set the cauldron of oil in position, built up a pile of dry firewood, set it burning fiercely, and heated the oil till it boiled and bubbled. Monkey was told to go in first. He put his hands together in front of his chest and said, “Is it to be a gentle bath or a rough one?” When the king asked him what they were, Monkey replied, “For a gentle bath you keep your clothes on, stretch your hands wide out, do a roll and come up again without getting your clothes at all dirty. If there is even a spot of oil on them you have lost. For a rough bath you need a clothes rack and a wash towel. You take your clothes off, jump in and somersault or do dragonfly-stands as you play around and wash yourself.”


Output:
“Do you want to compete with him at gentle baths or rough ones?” the king asked Antelope Power. “If it is gentle baths,” said Antelope Power, “he might have treated his clothes with some drug that will keep the oil off. Let it be rough baths then.” Monkey then stepped forward and said, “Excuse my impertinence in always going first.” Watch him while he takes off his tunic and tigerskin kilt, jumps into the cauldron, and dives through the waves, enjoying himself as much as if he were swimming in water.

At the sight of this Pig bit his finger and said to Friar Sand, “We’ve underestimated that Monkey. I usually say nasty things about him as if he just liked fooling about. I never realized he had powers like this.”


Output: When Monkey saw the two of them whispering his praises to each other, he thought suspiciously, “The idiot’s mocking me again. How true it is that the clever have to do all the work and the clumsy stay idle. Here’s me leaping around like this while he’s standing there at his ease. Right, then. I’ll get him tied up in knots and give him a real scare.” In the middle of washing himself he made a great splash and plunged down to the bottom of the cauldron where he turned himself into a jujube stone. He did not come up again.


Output: The officer supervising the executions went up to the king and reported, “Your Majesty, the little monk has been fried to death in the boiling oil.” The king in his delight ordered that the bones be fished out for him to see. The executioners fetched an iron strainer on a long handle with which they fished around in the cauldron, but its mesh was so coarse that Monkey, who was now as small as a nail, kept slipping through the holes in it and they could not fish him out. They then reported that the monk was so small and his bones so soft that they had been fried right away.


Output: “Arrest the three monks,” the king ordered. The guard officers in attendance grabbed Pig first as he looked dangerous, pushed him down, and tied him up with his hands behind his back. Sanzang was so terrified that he shouted, “Your Majesty, grand this poor monk a couple of hours’ reprieve. My disciple achieved countless good deeds after he was converted. Today he has died in the cauldron of boiling oil because he offended Your Majesty. Those who die first become gods, and I am not greedy to stay alive. Indeed, those in authority in the world look after the world’s people. If Your Majesty tell me to die, your subject will not dare disobey. I only ask you in your mercy to grant me a bowl of cold gruel and three paper horses that I can place in front of the cauldron. I would like to burn the paper as a mark of my feeling for my disciple, and I will then be ready to go to my execution.”


Output:
“Very well,” said the King. “What a fine sense of honour these Chinese have.” He then ordered that some gruel and yellow paper be given to the Tang Priest, which was done.

Sanzang told Friar Sand to come with him as the two of them went to the foot of the steps while several guard officers dragged Pig by his ears to the cauldron. Sanzang said this invocation before the cauldron: “Disciple Sun Wukong,

Since being ordained and then joining our order

You cared for and guarded me travelling West.

We hoped to complete our great journey together.

Who would have thought you would here to go rest?

Your life’s only aim was collecting the scriptures,

And even when dead on the Buddha you ponder.

Now far, far away you true spirit is waiting;

As a ghost will you climb to the temple of Thunder.”


Output:
“Master,” said Pig when he heard this, “there’s no need for an invocation like that. Friar Sand, fetch me some gruel and I’ll make an invocation.” Then the idiot said, snorting with anger as he lay tied up on the ground,

“Trouble-making monkey,

Ignorant Protector of the Horses.

The monkey deserved to die,

The Protector had to fry.

The Monkey found it too hot,

The Protector’s had his lot.”

When Monkey at the bottom of the cauldron heard the idiot abusing him like that he could not restrain himself from turning back into himself, standing up in the cauldron, and saying, “Dreg-guzzling moron! Who do you think you’re swearing at?”

“Disciple,” said Sanzang on seeing him, “you gave me a terrible fright.”

“Big Brother’s used to shamming dead,” said Friar Sand. The civil and military officials were thrown into such a panic that they went forward to report to the king.


Output:
“Your Majesty, the monk did not die. He has just stood up in the cauldron.” The officer supervising the executions was afraid that he would be in trouble for having earlier made a false report to the king, so he submitted a new one: “The monk did die, but as this is an ill-omened day he has come back as a ghost to haunt us.”

This made Monkey so angry that he sprang out of the cauldron, wiped the oil off himself, put on his clothes, pulled out his cudgel, and hit the supervisor of the executions so hard that his head turned to a meatball. “A ghost, indeed,” he said, giving the officers such a fright that they untied Pig, fell to their knees, and pleaded, “Forgive us, forgive us.” As the king came down from his dragon throne Monkey went into the hall, seized hold of him, and said, “Don’t go, Your Majesty. Make the Third Teacher of the Nation get into the cauldron of oil now.”

“Third Teacher of the Nation,” said the king with much trembling, “you must get into the cauldron at once to save my life.


Output:
“Don’t let the monk hit me.” Antelope Power then went down from the throne hall and like Monkey took off his clothes, jumped into the oil, and went through the motions of washing himself.

Monkey let the king go, went up to the cauldron, and told those tending the fire to add more fuel. Then he put out his hand to feel and found to his astonishment that the bubbling oil was icy cold.

“It was boiling hot when I had my bath,” he thought, “but it’s cold for his. I’m sure that one of the dragon kings must be protecting him.” He leap straight up into midair, said the magic word “Om,” and summoned the Dragon King of the Northern Ocean.

“I’ll get you, you horned worm, you loach with scales on,” said Monkey. “How dare you help the Taoist by protecting the bottom of the cauldron as a cold dragon and letting him beat me in this display of divine powers!”


Output: The dragon king was so frightened that he kept making respectful noises as he replied, “I’d never have dared help him. There is more to this than you realize, Great Sage. That evil beast has strenuously cultivated his conduct, shaken off his original shell, and has only really kept his five-thunder magic. In all other respects he has taken the path of heresy and could never return to the true Way. This is the ‘Great Opening-up’ that he learned on Lesser Mount Mao. The other two have already had their powers defeated by you, Great Sage, and reverted to their true appearances. The cold dragon this one uses is one that he created for himself, but it is only a trick with which to fool common mortals: it could not deceive you, Great Sage. I shall now take that cold dragon under my control, and guarantee that his skin and bones will now be fried to a crisp.”


Output:
“Hurry up about it if you don’t want a beating,” said Monkey, at which the dragon king changed into a fierce gust of wind that seized the cold dragon and carried it off to the sea.

Monkey now came down to earth and stood beside Sanzang, Pig and Friar Sand in front of the throne hall watching the Taoist struggling without success to climb out of the boiling oil. Then the Taoist slipped back into the cauldron, and in an instant his bones came apart as his skin was fried crisp and his flesh cooked tender.

The official supervising the executions came in again to report, “Your Majesty, the Third Teacher of the Nation has been deep-fried to death.” The tears gushed from the king’s eyes as he struck the table by the throne and cried aloud,

“Hard is the gaining of life and hard is its end;

Elixir never refine without true instruction.

Vainly the spirits are raced and water-spells made;

Pills that can make you immortal are only a fiction.

Nirvana can never be won by a mind in disorder;


Output:
Nirvana can never be won by a mind in disorder;

Cunning is useless when all it can cause is destruction.

Had I been warned that all could so easily fail,

I’d have kept to the diet and chosen a life of inaction.”

Indeed:

There was no use in the golden touch and in making elixir;

Calling up wind and summoning rain all ended in failure.

If you do not know how the master and his disciples continued, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Fourty-Seven

The Holy Monk Is Stopped by the River of Heaven at Night

Metal and Wood in Their Mercy Rescue a Child


Output:
Metal and Wood in Their Mercy Rescue a Child

The king collapsed on his throne in tears and cried till nightfall. Then Monkey stepped forward and called out, “Don’t be so silly. Look at those Taoists’ bodies. One was a tiger and the other was a deer. Antelope Power was an antelope. If you don’t believe me, have his bones fished out and take a look at them. Is that a human skeleton? They were all mountain beasts who became spirits and came here to destroy you. The only reason they had not struck yet was because your life force is still strong; but in another couple of years when your life force was weaker they would have murdered you and your whole kingdom would have been theirs. You are very lucky that we came here in time to destroy their evil and save your life. What are you crying for? Give us our passport at once and let us go.”


Output:
This finally brought the king to his senses, and then the civil and military officials reported together, “The first two who died were indeed a white deer and a yellow tiger; and the cauldron contains the bones of an antelope. The holy monk must be believed.”

“If that is the case I must thank the holy monk,” said the king, who then said to his tutor, “it is late now, so please take the holy monks to the Deep Wisdom Monastery. Tomorrow morning the Eastern hall of the palace shall be opened up and the royal kitchens shall lay on a vegetarian banquet as a mark of our thanks.” They were then taken to the monastery, where they slept that night.


Output: Shortly before dawn the next morning the king held an audience at which he ordered the officials to issue a notice to be posted at the four gates of the city and on every road recalling Buddhist monks. While the banquet was being set out the king went in his carriage to the gates of the Deep Wisdom Monastery to invite the Tang Priest and his disciples to the banquet in the Eastern hall of the palace.


Output:
When the Buddhist monks who had escaped learned of the notice they all returned in delight to the city to find the Great Sage Monkey, return his hairs, and thank him. When the banquet was over the king returned Sanzang the passport and escorted him out through the gates of the palace with his queen, consorts and concubines and the civil and military officials, The Buddhist monks could be seen kneeling beside the road and calling out, “Great Sage Equaling Heaven, we are the monks your lordship saved on the sandbank. Now that we have heard that you lordship has destroyed those evil beings and saved us, and His Majesty has issued a notice recalling us monks, we have come to return your hairs and kowtow in gratitude.”

“How many of you are there here?” Monkey asked.

“All five hundred: we are not one short.”


Output:
“All five hundred: we are not one short.”

Monkey then shook himself and took the hairs back before saying to king, subjects, monks and lay people alike, “It was I who released these monks, it was I who took the cart through the two gates and along the ridge before smashing it, and it was I who killed those evil Taoists. Now that the evil has been destroyed you will realize that there is a Way in the Buddha’s faith. From now on you must have no more foolish beliefs. I hope that you will combine the three teachings by honoring both the Buddhist clergy and the Way of Taoism, and by also educating men of talent in the Confucian tradition. I can guarantee that this will make you kingdom secure for ever.” The king accepted this advice and expressed his gratitude at great length as he accompanied the Tang Priest out of the city.

Because they were seriously seeking the scriptures,

They strove to maintain their brightness of spirit.


Output:
Setting out at dawn and not stopping till nightfall, they drank when thirsty and ate when hungry. Before they realized it spring and summer were over and it was autumn again. Late one day the Tang Priest reined in his horse and asked, “Where shall we spend the night, disciples?”

“Master,” said Monkey, “a man of religion shouldn’t talk like a layman.”

“What is the difference in the way they talk?” Sanzang asked.

“At a time like this,” said Monkey, “a layman would be fast asleep in a warm bed wrapped up in a quilt with his child in his arms and a wife to keep his feet warm. We monks can’t expect anything like that. We have only the moon and the stars to cover us with. We dine on the wind and sleep in the dew. We travel when we can find a way and only stop when there’s no way forward.”


Output:
“Brother,” said Pig, “you only know half of the story. The trail is very steep now and I can barely manage my heavy load. We’ve got to find somewhere where I can get a good night’s sleep and build myself up to carry my load tomorrow. Otherwise I’m going to collapse from exhaustion.”

“Let’s go a little further in the moonlight,” said Monkey. “When we reach a house we can stay there.” Master and disciples had no choice but to carry on with Monkey.

They had not been going for long when they heard the sound of waves. “That’s done it,” said Pig. “We’ve come to the end of the road.”

“There’s a river in our way,” said Friar Sand.

“How are we going to get across?” asked the Tang Priest.

“Let me test it for depth,” said Pig.

“Don’t talk nonsense, Wuneng,” said Sanzang. “How could you test the water for depth?”

“Find a pebble the size of a goose egg and throw it in,” Pig replied. “If it makes a big splash the water’s shallow; and if it goes down with bubbles the water’s deep.”