Output:
“Could you get by here?” asked Monkey.

“What a question,” said Pig with a grin. “This mountain of yours is an earthly paradise, so how could you talk about ‘getting by?’”

The two talked and joked for a while then went back down. They saw some young monkeys kneeling beside the path and holding huge, purple grapes, fragrant dates and pears, deep golden loquats, and rich, red tree-strawberries.

“Please take some breakfast, Your Majesty,” they said.

“Brother Pig,” replied Monkey with a smile, “Your big appetite won’t be satisfied with fruit. Never mind though—if you don’t think it too poor you can eat a little as a snack.”

“Although I do have a big appetite,” said Pig, “I always eat the local food. Bring me a few to taste.”

As the pair of them ate the fruit the sun was rising, which made the idiot worry that he might be too late to save the Tang Priest. “Brother,” he said, trying to hurry Monkey up, “the master is waiting for us. He wants us back as soon as possible.”


Output:
“Come and look round the Water Curtain Cave,” was Monkey’s reply.

“It’s very good of you to offer,” said Pig, “but I mustn’t keep the master waiting, so I’m afraid I can’t visit the cave.”

“Then I won’t waste your time,” said Monkey. “Goodbye.”

“Aren’t you coming?” Pig asked.

“Where to?” Monkey replied. “There’s nobody to interfere with me here and I’m free to do just as I like. Why should I stop having fun and be a monk? I’m not going. You can go and tell the Tang Priest that as he’s driven me away he can just I forget about me.” The idiot did not dare press Monkey harder in case he lost his temper and hit him a couple of blows with his cudgel. All he could do was mumble a farewell and be on his way.

As Monkey watched him go he detailed two stealthy young monkeys to follow him and listen to anything he said. The idiot had gone hardly a mile down the mountainside when he turned round, pointed towards Monkey, and started to abuse him.


Output:
“That ape,” he said, “he’d rather be a monster than a monk. The baboon. I asked him in all good faith and he turned me down. Well, if you won’t come, that’s that.” Every few paces he cursed him some more. The two young monkeys rushed back to report, “Your Majesty, that Pig is a disgrace. He’s walking along cursing you.”

“Arrest him,” shouted Monkey in a fury. The monkey hordes went after Pig, caught him, turned him upside-down, grabbed his bristles, pulled his ears, tugged his tail, twisted his hair, and thus brought him back.

If you don’t know how he was dealt with or whether he survived, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Thirty-One

Pig Moves the Monkey King Through

His Goodness Sun the Novice Subdues the Ogre Through Cunning

They swore to become brothers,

And the dharma brought them back to their true nature.

When metal and Wood were tamed, the True Result could be achieved;

The Mind-Ape and the Mother of Wood combined to make the elixir.


Output:
Together they would climb to the World of Bliss,

And share the same branch of the faith.

The scriptures are the way of self-cultivation,

To which the Buddha has given his own divinity.

The brothers made up a triple alliance,

With devilish powers to cope with the Five Elements.

Sweeping aside the six forms of existence,

They head for the Thunder Monastery.

As he was being dragged and carried back by the crowd of monkeys, Pig’s tunic was shreds. “I’m done for,” he grumbled to himself, “done for. He’ll kill me now.”

Before long he was back at the mount of the cave, where Monkey, sitting on top of a rock-face, said to him angrily, “You chaff-guzzling idiot. I let you go, so why swear at me?”

“I never did, elder brother,” said Pig on his knees, “May I bite off my tongue if ever I did. All I said was that as you weren’t coming I’d have to go and tell the master. I’d never have dared to swear at you.”


Output:
“You can’t fool me,” Monkey replied. “If I prick my left ear up I can hear what they’re saying in the Thirty-third Heaven, and if I point my right ear down I can know what the Ten Kings of Hell and their judges are discussing. Of course I could hear you swearing at me as you walked along.”

“Now I see,” said Pig. “With that devilish head of yours you must have changed yourself into something or other to listen to what I said.”

“Little ones,” shouted Monkey, “bring some heavy rods. Give him twelve on the face, then twelve on the back. After that I’ll finish him off with my iron cudgel.”

“Elder brother,” pleaded Pig, kowtowing desperately, “I beg you to spare me for our master’s sake.”

“That good and kind master? Never!” said Monkey.

“If he won’t do,” begged Pig, “then spare me for the Bodhisattva’s sake.” The mention of the Bodhisattva made Monkey relent slightly.


Output:
“Now you’ve said that I won’t have you flogged,” he replied. “But you must tell me straight and without lying where the Tang Priest is in trouble—which is presumably why he sent you to try and trick me.”

“He isn’t in trouble,” Pig protested, “he’s honestly missing you.”

“You really deserve a beating,” said Monkey, “for still trying to hood-wink me, you moron. Although I’ve been back in the Water Curtain Cave, I’ve stayed with the pilgrim in my mind. The master must have been in trouble at every step he has taken. Tell me about it at once if you don’t want that flogging.”

Pig kowtowed again and said, “Yes, I did try to trick you into coming back. I didn’t realize that you would see through it so easily. Please spare me a flogging and let me go, then I’ll tell you.”

“Very well then,” replied Monkey, “get up and tell me.” The junior monkeys untied his hands. He leapt to his feet and began looking around wildly. “What are you looking at?” asked Monkey.


Output:
“I’m looking at that wide empty path for me to run away along,” said Pig.

“That wouldn’t get you anywhere,” Monkey said. “Even if I gave you three days’ start I’d still be able to catch you up. Start talking. If you make me lose my temper, that’ll be the end of you.”


Output: “I’ll tell you the truth,” said Pig. “After you came back here Friar Sand and I escorted the master. When we saw a dark pine forest the master dismounted and told me to beg for some food., When I’d gone a very long way without finding anyone I was so tired that I took a snooze in the grass; I didn’t realize that the master would send Friar Sand after me. You know how impatient the master is; be went off for a stroll by himself, and when he came out of the wood he saw a gleaming golden pagoda. He took it for a monastery, but an evil spirit called the Yellow-robed Monster who lived there captured him. When I and Friar Sand came back to find him, all we saw was the white horse and the baggage. The master had gone. We searched for him as far as the entrance to the cave and fought the monster. Luckily the master found someone to save him in the cave. She was the third daughter of the king of Elephantia and she’d been carried off by the monster. She gave the master a letter to deliver to her family and persuaded


Output: a letter to deliver to her family and persuaded the ogre to let him go. When we reached the capital and delivered the letter the king asked our master to subdue the monster and bring the princess home. I ask you, brother, could the master catch a monster? We two went off to fight him, but his powers were too much for us: he captured Friar Sand and made me run away. I hid in the undergrowth. The monster turned himself into a handsome scholar and went to court, where he introduced himself to the king and turned the master into a tiger. The white horse changed himself back into a dragon in the middle of the night and went to look for the master. He didn’t find him, but he did see the monster drinking in the Hall of Silvery Peace, so he turned himself into a Palace Beauty. He poured wine and did a sword dance for the ogre in the hope of finding a chance to cut him down, but the ogre wounded his hind leg with a lantern, it was the white horse who sent me here to fetch you. ‘Our eldest brother is a good and


Output: to fetch you. ‘Our eldest brother is a good and honorable gentleman,’ he said, ‘and gentlemen don’t bear grudges. He’s sure to come and rescue the master.’ Please, please remember that ‘if a man has been your teacher for a day, you should treat him as your father for the rest of his life’. I beg you to save him.”


Output:
“Idiot,” said Monkey, “I told you over and over again before leaving that if any evil monsters captured the master you were to tell them I am his senior disciple. Why didn’t you mention me?” Pig reflected that to a warrior a challenge was more effective than an invitation and said, “It would have been fine if we hadn’t used your name. It was only when I mentioned you that he went wild.”

“What did you say?” asked Monkey.

“I said, ‘Behave yourself, kind monster, and don’t harm our master. I have an elder brother called Brother Monkey who is an expert demon-subduer with tremendous magic powers. If he comes he’ll kill you, and you won’t even get a funeral.’ This made the ogre angrier than ever, and he said, ‘I’m not scared of Monkey. If he comes here I’ll skin him, tear his sinews out, gnaw his bones, and eat his heart. Although monkeys are on the skinny side, I can mince his flesh up and deep-fry it.’” This so enraged Monkey that he leapt around in a fury, tugging at his ear and scratching his cheek.


Output:
“Did he have the gall to say that about me?” he asked.

“Calm down, brother,” said Pig. “I specially remembered all his insults so as to tell you.”

“Up you get,” said Monkey, “I didn’t have to go before, but now he’s insulted me I must capture him. Let’s be off. When I wrecked the Heavenly Palace five hundred years ago all the generals of Heaven bowed low at the sight of me and called me ‘Great Sage’. How dare that fiend have the nerve to insult me behind my back! I’m going to catch him and tear his corpse to shreds to make him pay for it. When I’ve done that I’ll come back here.”

“Quite right,” said Pig. “When you’ve captured the monster and got your own back on him, it’ll be up to you whether you come on with us.”


Output:
The Great Sage jumped down from the cliff, rushed into the cave, and took off all his devil clothes. He put on an embroidered tunic, tied on his tigerskin kilt, seized his iron cudgel, and came out again. His panic-stricken monkey subjects tried to stop him, saying, “Where are you going, Your Majesty, Great Sage? Wouldn’t it be fun to rule us for a few more years?”

“What are you saying, little ones?” replied Monkey. “I have to protect the Tang Priest. Everyone in Heaven and Earth knows that I am the Tang Priest’s disciple. He didn’t really drive me away. He just wanted me to take a trip home and have a little relaxation. Now I’ve got to attend to this. You must all take good care of our household. Plant willow and pine cuttings at the right season, and don’t let things go to pieces. I must escort the Tang Priest while he fetches the scriptures and returns to the East. When my mission is over I’ll come back to this happy life with you here.” The monkeys all accepted his orders.


Output:
Taking Pig’s hand, Monkey mounted a cloud and left the cave. When they had crossed the Eastern Sea he stooped at the Western shore and said, “You carry on at your own speed while I take a bath in the sea.”

“We’re in a terrible hurry,” said Pig. “You can’t take a bath now?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Monkey replied. “While I was at home I developed rather a devil-stink, and I’m afraid that with his passion for cleanliness the master would object.” Only then did Pig realize that Monkey really was being sincere and single-minded.

After Monkey’s dip they were back on their clouds and heading West again. When they saw the gleam of the golden pagoda Pig pointed at it and said, “That’s where the Yellow-robed Monster lives. Friar Sand is still there.”

“You wait for me up here,” said Monkey, “while I take a look around the entrance before fighting the evil spirit.”

“No need,” said Pig, “as he’s not at home.”


Output:
“No need,” said Pig, “as he’s not at home.”

“I know,” said Monkey. The splendid Monkey King landed his gleaming cloud and looked around outside the entrance. All he could see was two children, one of about ten and the other of eight or nine, hitting a feather-stuffed ball with curved sticks. Without bothering to find-out whose children they were, Monkey rushed up at them as they played, grabbed them by the tufts of hair that grew on the top of their heads, and flew off with them. The sobs and curses of the terrified boys alarmed the junior devils of the Moon Waters Cave, who rushed in to tell the princess that someone, they did not know who, had carried her sons off. These boys, you see, were the children of the princess and the ogre.

The princess ran out of the cave to see Monkey holding her sons on the top of a cliff and about to hurl them over.


Output:
“Hey, you, I’ve never done you any harm,” she screamed desperately, “so why are you kidnapping my sons? Their father won’t let you get away with it if anything happens to them, and he’s a killer.”

“Don’t you know who I am?” said Monkey. “I’m Monkey, the senior disciple of the Tang Priest. If you release my brother Friar Sand from your cave, I’ll give you your sons back. You’ll be getting a good bargain—two for one.” The princess hurried back into the cave, told the junior demons who were on the door to get out of her way, and untied Friar Sand with her own hands.

“Don’t let me go, lady,” said Friar Sand, “or I’ll be letting you in for trouble with that monster when he comes back and asks about me.”

“Venerable sir,” the princess replied, “what you said about the letter saved my life, so I was going to let you go anyhow, and now your elder brother Monkey has come here and told me to release you.”


Output:
At the word “Monkey” Friar Sand felt as though the oil of enlightenment had been poured on his head and the sweet dew had enriched his heart. His face was all happiness and his chest filled with spring. He looked more like someone who had found a piece of gold or jade than someone who had just been told that a friend had arrived. He brushed his clothes down with his hands, went out, bowed to Monkey and said, “Brother, you’ve dropped right out of the blue. I beg you to save my life!”

“Did you say one word to help me, Brother Sand, when the master said the Band-tightening Spell?” asked Monkey with a grin. “Talk, talk, talk. If you want to rescue your master you should be heading West instead of squatting here.”

“Please don’t bring that up,” said Friar Sand. “A gentleman doesn’t bear a grudge. We’ve been beaten, and we’ve lost the right to talk about courage. Please rescue me.”

“Come up here,” Monkey replied, and Friar Sand sprang up on the cliff with a bound.


Output:
When Pig saw from up in the air that Friar Sand had come out of the cave, he brought his cloud down and said, “Forgive me, forgive me, Brother Sand.”

“Where have you come from?” asked Friar Sand on seeing him.

“After I was beaten yesterday,” said Pig, “I went back to the capital last night and met the white horse, who told me that the master was in trouble. The monster has magicked him into a tiger. The horse and I talked it over and we decided to ask our eldest brother back.”

“Stop chattering, idiot,” said Monkey. “Each of you take one of these children to the city. Use them to provoke the monster into coming back here to fight me.”

“How are we to do that?” asked Friar Sand.


Output:
“How are we to do that?” asked Friar Sand.

“You two ride your clouds, stop above the palace,” said Monkey, “harden your hearts, and drop the children on the palace steps. When you’re asked, say they’re the sons of the Yellow-robed Monster, and that you two brought them there. The ogre is bound to come back when he hears that, which will save me the trouble of going into town to fight him. If we fought in the city, the fogs and dust storms we stirred up would alarm the court, the officials and the common people.”

“Whatever you do, brother,” said Pig with a laugh, “you try to trick us.”

“How am I tricking you?” asked Monkey.

“These two kids have already been scared out of their wits,” Pig replied. “They’ve cried themselves hoarse, and they’re going to be killed at any moment. Do you think the monster will let us get away after we’ve smashed them to mince? He’ll want our necks. You’re still crooked, aren’t you? He won’t even see you, so it’s obvious you’re tricking us.”


Output:
“If he goes for you,” said Monkey, “fight your way back here, where there’s plenty of room for me to have it out with him.”

“That’s right,” said Friar Sand, “what our eldest brother says is quite right. Let’s go.” The pair of them were an awe-inspiring sight as they went off, carrying the two boys.

Monkey then jumped down from the cliff to the ground in front of the pagoda’s gates, where the princess said to him, “You faithless monk. You said you’d give me back my children if I released your brother. Now I’ve let him go, but you still have the boys. What have you come back for?”

“Don’t be angry, princess,” said Monkey, forcing a smile. “As you’ve been here so long, we’ve taken your sons to meet their grandfather.”

“Don’t try any nonsense, monk,” said the princess. “My husband Yellow Robe is no ordinary man. If you’ve frightened those children, you’d better clam them down.”

“Princess,” said Monkey with a smile, “do you know what the worst crime on earth you can commit is?”

“Yes,” she replied.


Output:
“Yes,” she replied.

“You’re a mere woman, so you don’t understand anything,” said Monkey.

“I was educated by my parents in the palace ever since I was a child,” she said, “and I remember what the ancient book said: ‘There are three thousand crimes, and the greatest is unfilial behavior.’”

“But you’re unfilial,” replied Monkey. ‘“My father begot me, my mother raised me. Alas for my parents. What an effort it was to bring me up.’ Filial piety is the basis of all conduct and the root of all goodness, so why did you marry an evil spirit and forget your parents? Surely this is the crime of unfilial behavior.” At this the princess’ face went red as she was overcome with shame.


Output:
“What you say, sir, is so right,” she said. “Of course I haven’t forgotten my parents. But the monster forced me to come here, and he is so strict that I can hardly move a step. Besides, it’s a long journey and nobody could deliver a message. I was going to kill myself until I thought that my parents would never discover that I hadn’t run away deliberately. So I had nothing for it but to drag out my wretched life. I must be the wickedest person on earth.” As she spoke the tears gushed out like the waters of a spring.

“Don’t take on so, princess,” said Monkey. “Pig has told me how you saved my master’s life and wrote a letter, which showed you hadn’t forgotten your parents. I promise that I’ll catch the monster, take you back to see your father, and find you a good husband. Then you can look after your parents for the rest of their lives. What do you say to that?”


Output:
“Please don’t get yourself killed, monk,” she said. “Your two fine brothers couldn’t beat Yellow Robe, so how can you talk about such a thing, you skinny little wretch, all gristle and no bone? You’re like a crab, the way your bones all stick out. You don’t have any magic powers, so don’t talk about capturing ogres.”

“What a poor judge of people you are,” laughed Monkey. “As the saying goes, ‘A bubble of piss is big but light, and a steelyard weight can counterbalance a ton.’ Those two are big but useless. Their bulk slows them down in the wind as they walk, they cost the earth to clothe, they are hollow inside, like fire in a stove, they are weak and they give no return for all that they eat. I may be small, but I’m very good value.”

“Have you really got magic powers?” the princess asked.

“You’ve never seen such magic as I have,” he replied. “I have no rival when it comes to subduing monsters and demons.”

“Are you sure you won’t let me down?” said the princess.

“Yes,” said Monkey.


Output:
“Yes,” said Monkey.

“As you’re so good at putting down demons, how are you going to catch this one?”

“Hide yourself away and keep out of my sight,” said Monkey. “Otherwise I may not be able to deal with him properly when he comes back. I’m afraid you may feel more friendly towards him and want to keep him.”

“Of course I won’t want to keep him,” she protested. “I’ve only stayed here under duress.”

“You’ve been his wife for thirteen years,” said Monkey, “so you must have some affection for him. When I meet him it won’t be for a child’s game. I shall have to kill him with my cudgel and my fists before you can be taken back to court.”

The princess did as she had been told and went off to hide in a quiet place. As her marriage was fated to end she had met the Great Sage. Now that the princess was out of the way the Monkey King turned himself with a shake of his body into the very image of the princess and went back into the cave to wait for the ogre.


Output: Pig and Friar Sand took the children to the city of Elephantia and hurled them down on the palace steps, where the wretched boys were smashed to mincemeat; their blood splashed out and their bones were pulverized. The panic-stricken courtiers announced that a terrible thing had happened—two people had been thrown down from the sky. “The children are the sons of the Yellow-robed Monster,” shouted Pig at the top of his voice, “and they were brought here by Pig and Friar Sand.”


Output: The monster, who was still asleep in the Hall of Silvery Peace, heard someone calling his name as he was dreaming, turned over, and looked up to see Pig and Friar Sand shouting from the clouds. “I’m not bothered about Pig,” he thought, “but Friar Sand was tied up at home. However did he escape? Could my wife have let him go? How did he get to catch my sons? Perhaps this is a trick Pig is using to catch me because I won’t come out and fight with him. If I’m taken in by this I’ll have to fight him, and I’m still the worse for wear after all that wine. One blow from his rake would finish off my prestige. I can see through that plan. I’ll go home and see whether they are my sons before arguing with them.”


Output:
Without taking leave of the king, the monster went back across the forested mountains to his cave to find out what had happened. By now the palace knew he was an evil spirit. The seventeen other women who had fled for their lives when he ate the Palace Beauty had told the king all about it early the next morning, and his unannounced departure made it even clearer that he was an ogre. The king told the officials to look after the false tiger.

When Monkey saw the monster coming back to the cave he thought of a way to trick him. He blinked till the tears came down like rain, started to wail for the children, and jumped and beat his breast as if in grief, filling the cave with the sound of his sobbing. The monster failed to recognize who Monkey really was and put his arms round him. “What makes you so miserable, wife?” he asked.


Output:
“Husband,” said Monkey, weeping as he concocted his devilish lies, “How true it is that ‘A man without a wife has no one to look after his property; a woman who loses her husband is bound to fall’. Why didn’t you come back yesterday after going to the city to meet your father-in-law? Pig came and seized Friar Sand this morning, and then they grabbed our sons and refused to spare them despite all my pleas. They said they were taking them to the palace to meet their grandfather, but I haven’t seen them all day. I don’t know what’s become of them, and you were away. I’ve been so miserable at losing them that I can’t stop crying.” The monster was furious.

“My sons?” he asked.

“Yes,” Monkey replied, “Pig carried them off.”

The monster, now jumping with rage, said, “Right, that’s it. He’s killed my sons. He’ll die for this. I’ll make that monk pay for it with his life. Don’t cry, wife. How are you feeling now? Let me make you better.”


Output:
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” said Monkey, “except that I’ve cried so much my heart aches.”

“Never mind,” the monster replied. “Come over here. I’ve got a treasure here that you just have to rub on your pain to stop it hurting. But be very careful with it and don’t flick it with your thumb, because if you do you’ll be able to see my real body.”

Monkey was secretly delighted. “What a well-behaved fiend,” he thought, “giving that away without even being tortured. When he gives me the treasure I’ll flick it to see what kind of monster he really is.” The ogre then led him to a remote and secluded part of the cave and spat out a treasure about the size of a hen’s egg. It was magic pill skillfully fashioned from a piece of a conglomeration of internal secretion. “What a splendid thing,” Monkey thought. “Goodness knows how many times it had to be worked, refined and mated before becoming such a magic relic. Today it was fated to meet me.”


Output:
The ape took it, rubbed it over his pretended pain, and was just going to flick it with his thumb when the monster took fright and tried to grab it from him. The crafty Monkey popped it into his mouth and swallowed it. The monster clenched his fist and hit at him, but Monkey parried the blow, rubbed his face, and reverted to his real form with a shout of, “Behave yourself, ogre. Take a look and see who I am.”

“Wife,” said the shocked monster, “however did you get that terrible face?”

“I’ll get you, you damned fiend,” said Monkey. “I’m not your wife. Can’t you even recognize your own grandfather?” The monster, now beginning to see the light, said, “You do look a bit familiar.”

“Take another look,” said Monkey, “I won’t hit you.”

“I know you by sight,” the monster said, “but I can’t remember your name. Who are you? Where are you from? Where have you hidden my wife? Why did you swindle me out of my treasure? This is a disgusting way to behave.”


Output:
“As you don’t know who I am,” said Monkey, “let me tell you that I am Sun Wukong, Brother Monkey, the Tang Priest’s senior disciple. I’m your ancestor by a clear five hundred years.”

“Nonsense,” the ogre replied, “nonsense. I know that the Tang Priest only had two disciples when I captured him. They were called Pig and Friar Sand. Nobody mentioned anyone by the name of Monkey. You must be a fiend from somewhere or other who has come to trick me.”

“I didn’t come here with the other two,” said Monkey, “because my master is a kind and merciful man who sent me back home for killing too many evil spirits. You ought to know your ancestor’s name.”

“What sort of man are you?” asked the monster, “how can you have the face to come back after your master has sent you away?”


Output:
“You wouldn’t understand, you damned monster,” said Monkey, “that when a man has been your teacher for a single day, you should treat him as your father for the rest of his life, and that father and son should never let the sun set on a quarrel. You’ve harmed my master, so of course I’ve come to rescue him. Even if I could ignore that, it’s quite outrageous that you insulted me behind my back.”

“I never insulted you,” said the monster.

“Pig told me you did,” replied Monkey.

“You shouldn’t believe that sharp-tongued old gossip,” said the monster.

“Let’s stop beating about the bush,” said Monkey. “You’ve treated me very shabbily for a guest from far away. You may not have any wine or fine delicacies to feed me but you do have a head, so stretch it out and let me hit it with my cudgel—that’ll do instead of tea.”


Output:
The mention of hitting made the monster bellow with laughter. “You’ve got it all wrong this time, Monkey,” he said. “You shouldn’t have come in if you wanted to fight me. I have a thousand devils of all sizes in here. Even if you were covered with arms you’d never be able to fight your way out.”

“Nonsense,” replied Monkey. “Never mind one thousand—if you had thousands or tens of thousands of them I’d only need to see them clearly for my every blow to strike home. I’ll wipe the lot of you out.”


Output:
The monster at once ordered all the fiends and ogres in and around the cave to muster with their weapons and put a close blockade on all the doors. Monkey was delighted to see them, and wielding his cudgel with both hands he shouted “Change!” and suddenly had six arms and three heads. Then he shook his gold-banded cudgel and turned it into three gold-banded cudgels. He went into action with his six arms and three cudgels. He was a tiger in a sheepfold, a hawk in a chicken run. The poor little demons had their heads smashed to pulp, while their blood flowed like water. He rushed to and fro as if there was nobody else there until only the old ogre was left.

He followed Monkey outside and said “Insolent ape. How dare you come here and bully us?”

Monkey turned, beckoned to him and said, “Come here, come here. Let me win the credit for killing you.”

The monster struck at the head with his sword, and Monkey riposted to the face with his cudgel. They fought it out amid the mists on the mountain top.


Output:
Mighty was the magic of the Great Sage,

Awful the monster’s power.

One of them wielded an iron cudgel;

The other, a sword of tempered steel.

When the sword was raised it shone with a bright aura;

The parrying cudgel was wreathed in cloud.

They leapt to and fro protecting their heads,

Turning and somersaulting over and over.

One of them changed his face with every breeze,

The other stood still and shook his body.

One glared with fiery eyes as he stretched out his simian arm,

The other’s golden pupils flashed as he twisted his tigerish waist.

They were locked in mortal combat

As sword and cudgel struck without mercy.

The Monkey King wielded his iron club according to the martial classic,

And the monster’s swordplay followed the ancient manuals.

One was a demon king experienced in the black arts,

The other used magical powers to protect the Tang Priest.

The ferocious Monkey King became fiercer than ever,

The heroic monster grew an even greater hero.

They fought in space, ignoring death,


Output:
They fought in space, ignoring death,

All because the Tang Priest went to see the Buddha.

They had fought fifty or sixty rounds without issue when Monkey thought, “That bloody monster’s sword is as good as my cudgel. I’ll pretend to give him an opening and see if he can tell it’s a trick.” The Monkey King raised his cudgel and did a “Reaching Up to a Tall Horse” movement. The monster, not realizing that this was a trick, and imagining that he saw a real opening, took a tremendous swipe at Monkey with his sword. Monkey at once did a high swing to avoid the blow, then struck at the monster’s head with a “Stealing a Peach from under the Leaves” movement and knocked him so hard he vanished without a trace. Monkey put his cudgel away and looked for him but without success.


Output:
“Wow,” exclaimed Monkey in astonishment, “I didn’t just hit him—I knocked him out of existence. But if I really killed him there ought at least to be some blood and pus, and there’s no sign of any. Perhaps he got away.” He leapt up on a cloud to look around, but nothing was moving. “My eyes can see anything at a glance,” he thought, “so how can he have got away so mysteriously? Now I see. He said he seemed to recognize me, so he can’t be an ordinary monster. He must be some spirit from Heaven.”

This was too much for Monkey, who lost his temper and somersaulted up to the Southern Gate of Heaven with his cudgel in his hands. The startled Heavenly Generals Pang, Liu, Gou, Bi, Zhang, Tao, Deng, and Xin bowed low on either side of the gateway, not daring to block his way. They let him fight his way through the gates and straight on to the Hall of Universal Brightness, where the four great Heavenly Teachers Zhang, Ge, Xu and Qiu asked, “What have you come for, Great Sage?”


Output:
“As I was escorting the Tang Priest to Elephantia an evil monster abducted a princess and harmed the master. I had to fight him, and in the middle of our battle he disappeared. I thought that he couldn’t be an ordinary monster and was probably a spirit from Heaven, so I’ve come to check up if any wicked deities have left their posts.” On hearing this the Heavenly Teachers went and reported it to the Jade Emperor in the Hall of Miraculous Mist. He ordered an investigation. They found that nobody was missing among the Nine Bright Shiners, the Gods of the Twelve Branches, the five Dippers of North, South, East, West and Centre, the hosts of the Milky Way, the Five Peaks, the Four Rivers, and all the other gods of Heaven. Then they investigated outside the Palace of the Dipper and the Bull, and found that one of the Twenty-eight Constellations, the Strider, was missing.

“Strider, the Wooden Wolf, has gone down to Earth,” they reported to the throne.


Output:
“How long has he been away from Heaven?” the Jade Emperor asked.

“He has missed four roll-calls,” they replied, “and with one roll-call every three days that makes thirteen days.”

“Thirteen days in Heaven would be thirteen years down on Earth,” said the Emperor, and he ordered the Strider’s fellow stars to go down and bring him back to Heaven.


Output:
On receiving this edict the twenty-seven other constellations went out through the gates of Heaven and startled the Strider as each chanted his own spell. Do you know where he had been hiding? He had been one of the heavenly generals who was beaten when Monkey had sacked the Heavenly Palace, and he had lain low in a mountain stream that masked his demonic cloud and kept him out of sight. Only when he heard the other constellations shouting their spells did he dare to emerge from the water and go back to Heaven with them. The Great Sage was blocking the gates of Heaven and would have killed him but for the pleas of the other constellations, who saved him and escorted him to see the Jade Emperor. The monster now produced his golden tablet of office from his belt and kowtowed on the floor of the palace, admitting his guilt.

“Strider the Wooden Wolf,” said the Jade Emperor, “why did you go off by yourself instead of being content with the infinite beauty of Heaven?”


Output: “I deserve to die, Your Majesty,” the Strider replied. “That daughter of the king of Elephantia was no ordinary mortal. She was a Jade Maiden in the Hall of Incense who wanted to have an affair with me. As we did not want to defile the Heavenly Palace she decided to become a mortal first and was reborn in a king’s palace. Then I became an evil monster and occupied a mountain in order not to let her down. I carried her off to my cave, and we were man and wife for thirteen years. ‘Every bite and every sip is preordained,’ as the saying goes, and now the Great Sage has succeeded in bringing me here.” The Jade Emperor withdrew his tablet of office and degraded him to be a menial helping Lord Lao Zi stoke his fires in the Tushita Palace. If he did well he would be restored to his previous post; if not, his sentence would be made heavier. Monkey was delighted to see how the Jade Emperor dealt with him, and chanting a “na-a-aw” of respect he said to the assembled gods, “Gentlemen, I’m off.”


Output:
“That monkey is as ill-mannered as ever,” chuckled the Heavenly Teachers, “just chanting a ‘na-a-aw’ and going without thanking Your Majesty for your celestial kindness in catching the monster for him.”

“We can consider ourselves fortunate,” said the Jade Emperor, “if he leaves without disturbing the peace of Heaven.”

The Great Sage brought his shining cloud straight down to the Moon Waters Cave on Bowl Mountain, found the princess, and told her off for becoming a mortal and marrying a fiend. As he was doing this he heard Pig and Friar Sand shouting in mid-air, “Leave us a few demons to polish off, brother.”

“I’ve already wiped them out,” Monkey replied.

“Doesn’t matter,” said Friar Sand. “Let’s take the princess back to the palace. Don’t stare at her, Pig. We’d better do some distance-shortening magic.”


Output:
The princess heard a rush of wind in her ears, and in a moment she was back in the city. The three disciples took her to the throne hall, where she bowed to her royal parents and met her sisters again. All the officials came to bow to greet her. Then she reported, “We are indebted to the infinite powers of the venerable Monkey for the defeat of the Yellow-robed Monster and my rescue.”

“What type of monster was he?” the king asked.


Output:
“What type of monster was he?” the king asked.

“Your Majesty’s son-in-law,” Monkey replied, “is the Strider constellation from Heaven, and your daughter was a Jade Maiden who held the incense until she decided to become a mortal and came down to this world. This marriage was predestined. When I went up to the Heavenly Palace and submitted a memorial to him, the Jade Emperor found that the monster had missed four roll-calls and had been away from Heaven for thirteen days, which is thirteen years down here on earth. The Emperor sent his fellow stars down to fetch him, then banished him to the Tushita Heaven, where he is to redeem his sins. That’s how I rescued your daughter and brought her here.” The king thanked Monkey and told him to go and see his master.


Output:
The three disciples left the throne hall and went with all the courtiers to the antechamber, where the iron cage was carried in and the false tiger unchained. Monkey was the only one who could see that he was human; all the others thought he was really a tiger. As Sanzang was under the demon’s spell he could not move, and although he was clear in his mind, he was unable to open his mouth or his eyes.

“What a fine monk you are, master,” said Monkey, “getting yourself into this revolting shape. You accused me of being a murderer and sent me home for it, but you wouldn’t be such an awful sight if your heart had been set on goodness.”

“Save him, brother, don’t tell him off,” said Pig.

“It was you who put him up to it all,” said Monkey. “You were his favorite disciple. Why didn’t you save him instead of sending for me? Besides, I told you that I’d go back when I’d defeated the monster and avenged that insult.” Friar Sand went over and knelt down before him.


Output:
“As the old saying goes,” he pleaded, “‘If you won’t do it for the monk’s sake, do it for the Buddha’s sake.’ I beg you to save him now that you’re here. I wouldn’t have gone all that way to ask you to come if we’d been able to save him ourselves.”

“I couldn’t bear not to save him,” replied Monkey, raising Friar Sand to his feet. “Bring me some water.” Pig flew back to the hostel, fetched the horse and luggage, took the golden begging bowl from it, half-filled it with water, and handed it to Monkey. Monkey took the water in his hand, said the words of a spell, and spurted it at the tiger’s head. The evil magic was dissolved, and the tiger-aura was dispersed.


Output: Sanzang was seen in his true form once more. Once he had gathered himself together and opened his eyes he saw Monkey, took hold of him, and said, “Monkey, where have you come from?” Friar Sand, who was standing in attendance, told him all about how Monkey had been asked back, defeated the monster, rescued the princess, dispersed the tiger-aura, and come back to the palace. “Worthy disciple,” said Sanzang, full of gratitude, “thank you, thank you. When we return to the East from our journey to the West I shall report to the Tang Emperor that you have won the greatest distinction.”


Output:
“Don’t mention it,” said a smiling Monkey, “don’t mention it. The best way you can show your gratitude is by not saying that spell.” When the king heard about all this he thanked the four of them and gave a great vegetarian banquet for them in the Eastern wing. After this expression of the king’s kindness master and disciples took their leave of him and set out for the West. The king and his courtiers came a long way to see them off, after which

The monarch returned to the palace to rule his country,

The monk went on to Thunder Monastery to see the Buddha.

If you don’t know what happened next or when they reached the Western Heaven, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Thirty-Two

On Flat-Top Mountain the Duty God Delivers aMessage

In Lotus Flower Cave Pig Runs into Trouble


Output:
In Lotus Flower Cave Pig Runs into Trouble

The story tells how after Monkey had rejoined the Tang Priest the four of them headed West, united in their shared determination. The king of Elephantia had escorted them beyond his capital to thank them for bringing back his daughter. From there they traveled on, eating when hungry and drinking when thirsty, moving by day and resting at night. By now it was spring.

A light breeze ruffled the silky green catkins of willows,

And the view was splendid.

The season encouraged the birds to sing;

The flowers bloomed in the warm sun,

Making the whole world fragrant.

A pair of swallows came to the tree in the courtyard;

Now was the time to enjoy the spring.

Amid the world’s red dust and the city’s streets,

Light silks were worn to the sound of lute and pipe,

As flower vied and the cup was passed around.


Output:
As flower vied and the cup was passed around.

Master and disciples were enjoying their journey when they saw a mountain blocking their way. “Be careful, disciples,” said the Tang Priest. “I’m worried that tigers and wolves may prevent us from crossing that high mountain ahead.”

“As a man of religion,” said Monkey, “you shouldn’t say that sort of thing. Don’t you remember what the Heart Sutra the Rook’s Nest Hermit taught you says—‘If one relies on the prajna-paramita, he is free in his mind, he has no fear, is rid of dreamlike thoughts of unreality and enjoys ultimate Nirvana.’ All you have to do is

‘Wipe the dust off your mind,

Wash out the dirt from your ear.

Without the most terrible suffering

You cannot be a great man.’

There’s no need to be so glum. With me here you’ll come to no harm even if the sky falls down, so why be scared of wolves and tigers?” The Tang Priest reined in his horse and replied:

“When I left Chang’an on imperial orders,

I was determined to worship the Buddha in the West,


Output:
Where his golden image shines in the sacred land,

And the jade hair gleams in the pagoda.”

“I shall search the nameless rivers of the world,

And climb all unknown mountain ranges.

I long to cross the mighty, misty waves;

But when, O when, will I find my rest?”

When Monkey heard this he chuckled and said, “You’ll have no difficulty in that. When you’ve completed your mission all your destinies will be over and all your dharmas will be empty, so of course you’ll be able to rest then.” This cheered up Sanzang, who gave his dragon-horse the rein and urged it forward. As they climbed the mountain they found it truly craggy and precipitous.

Towering peaks,

Tapering pinnacles.

Down in the deep and winding stream,

Beside the solitary cliff.

Down in the deep and winding stream,

You can hear the serpents playing and splashing in the water;

Beside the solitary cliff,

Amid the trees on the precipice, tigers whisk their tails.

Look up,

And the blue sky is high above the peaks;

Turn round,


Output:
Turn round,

And the heavens join the deeps in the valley.

Climbing it

Is like ascending a ladder;

Descending

Is like going into a pit.

This is indeed a weird and craggy ridge,

A wall of tapering cliffs.

On the craggy ridge,

The medicine-gatherer moves in fear;

On the sheer rock-face

The firewood-collector cannot take a step.

Wild goats and horses all run free

And many are the hares and mountain oxen.

The mountain is so high it blots out sun and stars;

One often meets evil monsters and gray wolves.

The path is hard to follow and difficult for the horse:

How will they ever see the Buddha at the Thunder Monastery?

As Sanzang reined in his horse to look at the mountain he saw that they had reached a most difficult spot. There was a wood-gatherer standing on the green, grassy slope, and this was what he looked like:

On his head a battered blue felt hat,

On his body a black woolen tunic.

The battered felt hat

That kept off sun and cloud was a strange sight;

In his black woolen tunic


Output:
In his black woolen tunic

He was amazingly happy and carefree.

The steel axe in his hand had been sharpened till it shone;

He cut dry wood and made it into bundles.

Spring hung from his carrying-pole,

And he was happy throughout the four seasons.

His appearance was relaxed,

And his mind free from anxiety.

He had accepted his lot throughout his life;

Fame and disgrace never bothered him on this mountain.

The wood-gatherer

Was cutting down dead wood upon the slope

When he saw the monk approaching from the East.

Giving his axe a rest, he came out of the tress,

And, climbing fast, soon scaled the rock-face.

“Stop here for a moment on your journey West,” he shouted. “I must warn you that there is a pack of vicious ogres and fierce wolves on this mountain. They eat travelers from the East who are heading West.”

The news terrified Sanzang out of his wits. Trembling in the saddle, he turned round sharply and called for his disciples.


Output:
“Did you hear what the woodman said?” he asked. “There are ogres and wolves on this mountain. Do any of you dare ask him for more details?”

“Don’t worry, Master,” said Monkey, “I’ll find out from him.”

Brother Monkey hurried up the mountain, and addressing the woodman as “Elder Brother” he asked all about it. “Why have you come here, venerable sir?” asked the woodman, returning his greeting.

“To tell you the truth, elder brother,” said Monkey, “We have come from the East and are heading West to fetch the scriptures. That’s my master on the horse. He’s a bit timid, so when you told him about the ogres and wolves he sent me to ask you about them. How long have they been here? Are they experts or just beginners? Please tell me about them. Then I can make the gods of the mountain and the local deities march them off.”

At this the woodman threw back his head and roared with laughter. “You really are a mad monk,” he said.

“I’m not mad,” replied Monkey, “I’m talking sense.”


Output:
“If you’re talking sense,” said the woodman, “then how can you say you’ll have them marched off?”

“You must be related to them,” said Monkey, “putting on those airs and blocking our way to talk that nonsense to us. If you’re not related to them you’re either a neighbour or a friend of theirs.”

“This is too much, mad monk,” said the woodcutter with another laugh. “The warning I’ve come specially to give you is meant well. I tell you to be on your guard all the time as you travel along, but you’re holding me responsible for all those demons. Never mind whether I happen to know what these demons do. How could you possibly have them marched off even if I did know. Where would you send them?”


Output:
“If they were sky monsters,” replied Monkey, “I’d send them to the Jade Emperor, and if they were earth monsters I’d send them to the Earth Palace. Western ones would go to die Buddha and Eastern ones to the Sage. I’d send Northerners to the True Martial God of the North and Southerners to the Fire God. Dragon spirits would go to the Lord of the Seas and demons to King Yama. They all have somewhere to go. I know the people in all those places, so I’d only need to write out an order for the monsters to be sent there at the double the very same night.”

“You mad monk,” said the woodcutter with a mocking laugh, “you may have traveled in the clouds and learned a little magic, but even if you can expel evil spirits and bind demons you’ve never come up against such vicious fiends.”

“What’s so vicious about them?” asked Monkey.


Output:
“What’s so vicious about them?” asked Monkey.

“This mountain is about two hundred miles across,” said the woodcutter, “and it’s called Flat-top Mountain. There is a cave in it called the Lotus Flower Cave where two devil chieftains live. They are so determined to capture monks that they’ve drawn pictures of them and found out the name of the man they want to eat—the Tang Priest. You’ll be all right provided you come from anywhere but Tang. But if you’re from there, don’t carry on.”

“The land of Tang,” replied Monkey, “is precisely where we’re from.”

“Then they’ll eat you,” said the woodcutter.

“We’re in luck,” said Monkey, “we’re in luck. The only thing is that I don’t know how they’re going to eat us.”

“How do you want them to eat you?” the woodcutter asked.

“If they eat my head first,” said Monkey, “that will be fine. But if they start with my feet, I’ll suffer.”

“What difference does it make whether they start with your head or feet?” the woodcutter asked.


Output:
“You have no experience of it,” said Monkey. “If they start with my head, they’ll have it off with one bite and I’ll be dead. Whether they fry me, saute me, or stew me I won’t feel the slightest pain. But if they start from my feet they can chew my ankles, crunch up my legs, and eat their way up to my waist with me still alive and in agony. It would be going through torment in small installments. That’s why I’d suffer.”

“They’ve been there for a long time, monk,” said the woodcutter, “and the moment they get you they’ll tie you up, pop you in the steamer, and eat you whole.”

“Even better,” said Monkey with a grin, “even better. That won’t be at all painful; it’ll just be a bit hot and close.”


Output:
“This is nothing to joke about, monk,” said the woodcutter. “Those monsters have five treasures that they carry about with them, and their magic powers are enormous. Even if you’re one of the jade pillars of the heavens or one of the golden beams that support the sea you may well have to pass out in order to get the Tang Priest through.”

“How often?” Monkey asked.

“Three or four times,” replied the woodcutter.

“That’s nothing,” said Monkey, “nothing at all. We all pass out seven or eight hundred times a year, so it will be easy to pass out three or four times more and then we’ll be able to get through.”


Output:
The fearless Great Sage, whose one thought was to protect the Tang Priest, left the woodcutter and hurried back. When he reached the horse standing on the mountainside he said, “It’s nothing much, Master. It’s true that there are a few evil spirits here, but the local people only worry about them because they are timid. With me here there’s no need for you to be afraid of them, so let’s be on our way again.” Sanzang was relieved to hear this, and he followed Monkey’s lead.

As they traveled along they realized that woodcutter had disappeared some time back. “Why can’t we see the woodcutter who gave us the message?” asked Sanzang.

“What lousy luck,” said Pig. “We would have to meet a ghost in broad daylight.”


Output:
“He must have gone into the forest to look for some more firewood,” said Monkey. “I’ll take a look.” Opening wide his fiery eyes with their golden pupils, the splendid Great Sage searched the mountain, but no sign of the woodcutter was to be seen. Then he looked up into the clouds and saw the Duty God of the Day there. He sprang up there himself and cursed him for a hairy devil several times before saying, “Why didn’t you tell me straight instead of transforming yourself and putting on that act for me?”

The Duty God bowed to him anxiously and said, “Please forgive me for being so late with the warning. Those monsters really have enormous magic powers and can perform all kinds of transformations. You’ll need all your skill and cunning to protect your master. You won’t possibly reach the Western Heaven if you are at all slack.”


Output: Monkey dismissed the Duty God. He was feeling worried as he landed his cloud and went up the mountainside until he found Sanzang, Pig and Friar Sand pressing ahead. “If I tell the master straight what the Duty God said,” he thought, “the master won’t be able to face up to it and will start crying. But if I don’t tell him and keep him in the dark he won’t know how things stand, and it’ll be a great nuisance for me if he gets captured by monsters. I’d better go and see Pig. I can send him ahead to fight the monster. If he wins, that will be something to his credit. If he can’t do it and gets captured by the monster, I can go and rescue him, which will give me a chance to show what I can do and make myself famous.” As he made these calculations he wondered whether Pig would try to slip out of it and be protected by Sanzang. He decided he would have to force him into doing it.


Output:
The Great Sage resorted to a trick. He rubbed his eyes till they watered, then went up to the master. When Pig saw him he said to Friar Sand, “Put your carrying-pole down and unpack the luggage. We two will split it.”

“What do you mean, split it?” asked Friar Sand.

“Divide it,” said Pig. “You can go back to the River of Flowing Sands to be a monster, and I’ll go back to Gao Village to see my wife. We can sell the white horse to buy the wood for the coffin the master will be needing when he grows old. Then we can break up instead of going on to the Western Heaven.”

When Sanzang heard this he said, “How can you talk such nonsense in the middle of the journey?”


Output:
“Who’s talking nonsense? I’ll say it again,” said Pig. “Can’t you see that Monkey’s coming back in tears? He’s a real tough guy who isn’t afraid of going down into the earth or up into the sky, or of being cut, burnt, or even being boiled in oil, so if he comes along deep in gloom and with the tears streaming down his face there must be monsters and wolves on this craggy mountain that softies like us could never get past.”

“Stop that nonsense,” said Sanzang. “I’ll ask him what he has to say. Tell me straight,” he said to Monkey, “what is bothering you. Why are you crying? Are you trying to frighten us?”

“The person who gave us the message just now,” replied Monkey, “was the Duty God of the Day. He said that the evil spirits here are so ferocious that it will be hard to get through; besides, we’ll never be able to make our way across these steep mountains. Let’s go another day.”


Output:
Trembling with fear at this news, Sanzang tugged at Monkey’s tigerskin kilt and said, “Why these thoughts of turning back when we’ve already done half the journey?”

“It’s not that I’m wavering,” said Monkey, “but we’d be no match for so many monsters. ‘A lump of iron in the furnace can only make a few nails.’”

“You are right,” said Sanzang, “it would be very difficult by yourself. As the military classic says, ‘few are no match for many’. But I also have Pig and Friar Sand for you to deploy as your subordinates. Make a joint effort to clear the path and take me over the mountain. Then you will receive your just reward.”

As Brother Monkey’s little show had only wrung these words out of his master, he wiped away his tears and said, “Pig will have to do two things I tell him to if you’re to have even one chance in three of crossing the mountain as you want to, Master. If he won’t do these two things for me you’ll have no hope at all.”


Output:
“Brother,” Pig said, “if we can’t cross the mountain, let’s disband. Leave me out of this.”

“Disciple,” said Sanzang, “ask your brother what he wants you to do.”

“What do you want me to do, brother?” the idiot asked.

“Look after the master and patrol the mountains,” Monkey replied.

“But looking after the master means staying put,” said Pig, “and patrolling means moving. You can’t ask me to stay put for a bit then move for a bit. I can’t do both at once.”

“I’m not asking you to do them both,” said Monkey, “I just want you to do one of them.”

“That’s much easier,” said Pig with a smile, “though I don’t know what you mean by looking after the master or by patrolling the mountains. Tell me what you want, then I can do the one that suits me.”


Output:
“Looking after the master,” said Monkey, “means that if he wants to go for a stroll you must support him, and if he wants to eat you must beg some food for him. If he’s hungry you’ll be beaten. If he looks at all sallow you’ll be beaten. If he’s any thinner you’ll be beaten.”

“That’s very difficult,” said Pig with alarm. “There’s nothing to looking after him or holding him up—even carrying him would be easy enough. But if he sends me to beg for food in a village the people on this path to the West won’t realize that I’m a monk going to fetch the scriptures. They’ll think that I’m a growing wild boar come down from the mountains. A crowd of men with forks, rakes and brooms will surround me, capture me, slaughter me, and salt me down for the New Year celebrations. That would be the end of me, wouldn’t it?”

“Then you can patrol the mountains,” said Brother Monkey.

“What would that involve?” asked Pig.


Output:
“What would that involve?” asked Pig.

“You would have to go into these mountains,” said Monkey, “to find out how many monsters there are, and all about the mountains, and what the monsters’ caves are like, so that we can go across it.”

“Nothing to it,” replied Pig. “I’ll patrol the mountains.” The idiot hitched up his tunic, grasped his rake, and proudly struck deep into the mountains. His spirits were high as he hurried along the path.

Monkey could not hold back an unkind laugh. “Wretched ape,” said Sanzang, “you haven’t a shred of affection for your brothers, only jealousy. You trick him into patrolling the mountain with your cunning words, and then you laugh at him.”

“I’m not laughing at him,” said Monkey. “My laugh means something. Just you see—he won’t patrol the mountains or dare to visit any monsters. He’ll hide up somewhere for a while then make up some story to fool us with.”

“How do you know so much about him?” asked Sanzang.


Output:
“It’s what I reckon he’ll do,” replied Monkey “and if you don’t believe me I’ll go and take a look at him. I can help him subdue any demons and find out at the same time how sincere is his wish to see the Buddha.”

“Very good,” said Sanzang, “very good. But don’t you go making a fool of him.” Monkey assented, and as he hurried up the mountainside he turned himself into the tiniest of insects with a shake of his body. He now looked very neat and small:

On his delicate wings he could lightly dance in the breeze;

His slim waist was as fine as a needle.

As he darted through the reeds or passed under flowers

He was faster than a shooting star.

Bright were his eyes,

Delicate his voice.

Of all insects he was the smallest,

Slim and elegant, but deeply clever.

If he were resting in the woods on a day off,

You would never see him,

And a thousand eyes could never find him.


Output:
And a thousand eyes could never find him.

He flew off, soon caught up with Pig, and perched on a bristle behind his ear; but Pig walked on, unaware that he was carrying a passenger. After two or three miles Pig dropped his rake, turned back to look at the Tang Priest, and began to curse at him, gesticulating widely.

“Soft-headed old monk,” he said, “vicious Monkey, and weak-minded Friar Sand. They’re all enjoying themselves back there while they fool me into walking off here. We’re all going to fetch the scriptures and we all want our reward, so why should I be the one to reconnoiter these mountains? Hm! If they know there are monsters around we should hide up for a while. But that’s not even half good enough for them. They have to send me off by myself to find them. What lousy luck. I’ll go and have a sleep somewhere. When I go back I can give him some kind of vague answer and say I’ve reconnoitered the mountains. That’ll pay them back.”


Output:
Feeling pleased with himself for the moment Pig grasped his rake and set off. When he saw a reddish grassy slope in a mountain hollow he went straight to it, made himself a bed with the help of his rake, and lay down to sleep, saying as he stretched himself out, “This is the life. Not even Monkey can be as comfortable as I am.” Monkey, of course, had heard every word form behind his ear, and he could not resist the temptation to fly round and tease him. He shook himself and turned into a woodpecker.

His sharp iron beak was coloured red,

His green-blue feathers were glistening bright.

His steel claws were as sharp as nails,

And when hungry he broke the forest silence.

Dry and rotten timber was what he loved;

He hated lone and sturdy old trees.

His round eyes and flicking tail made him a lively creature,

And pleasant was the sound of his tapping.


Output:
And pleasant was the sound of his tapping.

This bird was neither too big nor too small, and would have weighed only two or three ounces. Its beak was copper-red, its legs were iron-black, and it came flying down with a swish of its wings.

When it pecked at the lip of Pig, who was sleeping with his head down, the idiot scrambled to his feet and shouted, “A monster, a monster! It jabbed me with its spear. My mouth’s hurting terribly.” As he felt it with his hand he made the blood flow.

“Dammit,” he said, “nothing especially good has happened to me, so what’s this lucky red doing on my lips?” At the sight of his bloody hand he started to look wildly about himself, muttering on the while, and when he saw nothing he said, “There’s no monster here, so how did I get jabbed?” Then he looked up and saw a woodpecker flying above him.


Output:
“The wretch,” he said, gnashing his teeth, “it’s bad enough being put upon by Monkey, but now you’re getting at me. I suppose you didn’t realize I was human and thought my snout was a black, rotten old tree full of insects. You pecked me to find yourself some. I’ll have to tuck my snout into my clothes.” With that the idiot went back to sleep.

Monkey flew down again and pecked him behind the ear, at which the idiot leapt up again and said, “This damned bird is really going for me. It must have a nest full of eggs or chicks here and be attacking me to stop me taking it. Very well then, I won’t sleep here.” He picked up his rake and left the red grassy slope to continue on his way.

Monkey, beside himself with delight, thought, “Even with his eyes wide open the blockhead can’t recognize one of his own people.”


Output:
With a shake the splendid Great Sage turned himself back into a tiny insect and perched himself behind Pig’s ear. Another mile or so deeper into the mountains there were three square granite boulders the size of tables in a hollow. Pig put down his rake and chanted a “re-e-er” to them.

“The idiot,” grinned Monkey to himself, “those boulders aren’t human. They can’t talk or return his greeting. He’s wasting his time being polite to them.” In fact the idiot was pretending that they were Sanzang, Friar Sand and Monkey, and practicing his speech to them.


Output:
“When I go back,” he said, “if the master asks me about monsters, I’ll say that there are some here. When he asks what sort of mountain this is he’ll think I’m talking nonsense if I say it’s made of mud or earth or tin or copper or flour or paper or simply painted. I’ll say it’s a mountain made of rock, and if he asks about the caves I’ll say there is a stone cave. What about the gates? I’ll say they’re iron-plated and studded. When he asks how deep the cave is I’ll say it has three sections, one behind another. If he really interrogates me and wants to know how many studs there are in the gates I’ll say I was too excited to notice. Now I’ve got my story off pat I’ll be able to make a fool of Monkey.”

His story now concocted, he headed back along the path, dragging his rake behind him, little knowing that Monkey had heard everything behind his ear and flown off ahead when he started back. Monkey resumed his real form to see his master, who said, “Ah, here you are. Why hasn’t Pig come back?”


Output:
“He’s still cooking up his story,” said Monkey, “he’ll be here soon.”

“How could that stupid fool, whose ears cover his eyes, ever make up a story?” said Sanzang. “You must be the one who is lying.”

“You’re covering up for him, master,” replied Monkey. “I heard it all from his own mouth.” He told Sanzang how Pig had been sleeping in the grass when he was woken up with a woodpeckers’ peck, how he had expressed his homage to the boulders, and how he had concocted a story about the mountains being made of rock with a stone cave that had iron-plated gates and monsters living in it. It was not long before the idiot approached. He was going through his story again, his head bowed low, to make sure that he did not forget it when Monkey shouted, “Hey, idiot, what are you reciting?”

Pig pricked up his ears, looked around, and said, “I’m back.”

He fell to his knees and was picked up by Sanzang, who said, “You look exhausted, disciple.”


Output:
“I am,” replied Pig. “With all that walking and climbing I’m completely whacked.”

“Are there monsters?” Sanzang asked.

“Yes,” said Pig, “there certainly are. There’s a whole pile of them.”

“What sort of send-off did they give you?”

“They called me Ancestor Pig and Grandfather Pig, gave me noodle soup and vegetarian dishes, talked to me, and sent me back over the mountain with drums and banners,” Pig replied.

“This must be some dream you had while you were asleep in the grass,” said Monkey, so frightening the idiot that he shrank two inches.

“Lord Monkey,” he said, “however did you know I had a sleep?”

Monkey went up to him, grabbed hold of him, and said, “Come here, I’ve something to ask you.”

“Ask me if you must,” said the idiot, now shaking with fright, “but why do you have to grab me like that?”

“What sort of mountain was it?” asked Monkey.

“A mountain of rock,” replied Pig.

“What sort of cave?”

“Stone.”

“What sort of gates?”

“Iron-plated.”

“How deep?”

“There were three sections.”


Output:
“How deep?”

“There were three sections.”

“No need to say more,” said Monkey, “I remember the rest. I’ll say it all for you to make sure that the master believes it.”

“Cheek!” said Pig. “You’ve not been there, so you can’t possibly know what to say for me.”

”‘If he wants to know how many studs there are in the gates I’ll say I was too excited to notice.’ Isn’t that right?” said Monkey. The panic-stricken idiot fell to his knees again as Monkey continued, “You chanted homage to those boulders and talked to them as if they were us three, didn’t you? Then you said, ‘Now I’ve got this story off pat I’ll be able to make a fool of Monkey,’ didn’t you?”

“Brother,” pleaded the idiot, now kowtowing desperately, “you couldn’t have heard all that while I was patrolling the mountains.”


Output:
“I’ll get you, you chaff-guzzling moron,” said Monkey, “sleeping when you’d been told to patrol the mountains. If the woodpecker hadn’t pecked you awake you’d still be asleep now. When you’d been woken up you concocted this pack of lies that might have ruined our whole journey. Stretch your ankle out and I’ll give you five strokes of my cudgel to teach you a lesson.”

“A mere touch from that murderous cudgel,” said Pig, “would break my skin, and the feel of it would crack my sinews. Five blows would kill me.”

“If you didn’t want to be beaten,” said Monkey, “why did you lie?”

“I only did it once,” said Pig, “and I’ll never do it again.”

“As it was only once I’ll give you three.”

“My lord,” said Pig, “half a blow would be the death of me.” The idiot’s only recourse was to cling to Sanzang and beg him to put in a good word for him.


Output:
“When Monkey told me you were concocting lies,” said Sanzang, “I did not believe him, yet now you clearly deserve a beating. But as there are so few of you to serve me as we cross these mountains, you had better let him off, Monkey, until we are on the other side.”

“As the old saw goes,” said Monkey, “‘to obey parental instructions is great filial piety.’ As the master tells me not to beat you I’ll let you off. Go and reconnoiter again. I’ll show you no mercy if you lie or mess things up this time.”

The idiot rose to his feet and went off again. As he hurried along the path he suspected at every step that Monkey was following in some form or other, so he thought everything he saw might be Monkey. When after two or three miles a tiger came bounding up from the mountainside he raised his rake and said, “Come to see whether I’m lying, brother? This time I’m not.”


Output:
Further along a strong mountain wind blew a dead tree down and sent it tumbling towards him, at which he stamped, beat his chest and said, “What a way to treat me, brother. I said I wouldn’t lie, but you go and turn yourself into a tree to attack me.”

A little later he saw a white-necked crow cawing in front of him. “You’re shameless, brother,” he said, “shameless. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t lie, so why’ve you turned into a crow? Come to listen to me?” In fact Monkey was not following him this time, and Pig’s crazed suspicions that Monkey was there wherever he went were the product of his own imagination. We will leave the idiot with his frights for the time being.

In this Flat-top Mountain there was a Lotus Flower Cave where there dwelt two fiends, the Senior King Gold Horn and the Junior King Silver Horn. Gold Horn sat in his chair of office and said to Silver Horn, “It’s a long time since we patrolled the mountain.”

“A fortnight,” replied Silver Horn.


Output:
“A fortnight,” replied Silver Horn.

“You should make a patrol today,” said Gold Horn.

“Why today?” asked Silver Horn.

“You can’t have heard the news,” said Gold Horn, “that the Tang Priest, the younger brother of the Tang Emperor in the East, has been sent to worship the Buddha in the West. He has three followers called Sun the Novice, Pig and Friar Sand, so with their horse there are five of them in all. Find them and bring them to me.”

“If we want to eat some humans,” said Silver Horn, “we can catch a few anywhere. Why not let this monk go wherever he’s going?”

“You don’t realize,” replied Gold Horn, “that when I left Heaven a few years back I heard that the Tang Priest was a mortal incarnation of the Venerable Golden Cicada, and a holy man who had pursued goodness for ten lives and lost not a drop of his original essence. Anyone who eats his flesh will live forever.”


Output:
“If you can live for ever by eating his flesh,” said Silver Horn, “we won’t have to bother with meditation, winning merit, refinish elixirs, or matching the male and female. All we need do is eat him. I’m off to fetch him.”

“You’re too impatient, brother,” said Gold Horn. “Don’t be in such a hurry. It would be wrong to rush out and catch some monk who isn’t the Tang Priest. I remember what he looks like and I once drew pictures of him and his disciples. Take them with you and check any monks you meet against them.” He went on to tell him all their names, and when Silver Horn had their pictures and knew their names he went out of the cave, mustered thirty underlings, and left to patrol the mountain.

Pig’s luck was out. He walked straight into the gang of monsters who blocked his way and said, “Who are you? Where are you from?” The idiot looked up, lifted his ears from over his eyes, and saw to his horror that they were evil ogres.


Output:
“If I say I’m a pilgrim,” he thought, “they’ll catch me. I’ll say I’m just a traveler.” The junior demon reported to the king that he was a traveler. Among the thirty junior demons there were some who had recognized him and some who had not, and one of these who had recognized him remembered Silver Horn being given his instructions.

He said, “This monk looks like Pig in the picture, Your Majesty.”

Silver Horn had the picture hung up, which made Pig think with horror, “No wonder I’m in such low spirits these days—they’ve got my spirit here.”

As the junior devils held it up with their spears, Silver Horn pointed at it and said, “The one on the white horse is the Tang Priest, and the hairy-faced one is Sun the Novice.”

“City god,” thought Pig, “you can leave me out. I’ll offer you the triple sacrifice and 24 cups of pure wine…”


Output:
He muttered prayers as the devil continued, “The tall dark one is Friar Sand, and that’s Pig with a long snout and big ears.” At the mention of himself Pig tucked his snout into his clothes.

“Bring your snout out, monk,” said the monster.

“I was born like this,” said Pig, “so I can’t bring it out.” The monster ordered the junior devils to pull it out with hooks, at which Pig hastily thrust it out and said, “I just feel shy about it. Here it is. Look at it if you must, but don’t hook it.”

Recognizing Pig, the monster raised his sword and hacked at him. Pig parried him with his rake and said, “Behave yourself, my lad, and take this.”

“You took your vows quite late,” said the monster with a smile.

“Clever boy,” replied Pig, “but how did you know?”

“From the way you handle that rake,” the monster said, “you used it to level up the ground in a vegetable garden. You must have stolen it.”

“You don’t know this rake, my boy,” said Pig. “It’s not the sort used in ground-leveling:


Output:
Its teeth are like a dragon’s claws,

Flecked with gold in tigerish shapes.

Against a foe it blows a freezing wind,

And in a battle it shoots out flame.

It brushes away obstacles in the Tang Priest’s path,

Capturing devils on the way to the Western Heaven.

When whirled, its vapors obscure the sun and moon,

And its black clouds darken the stars.

When it flattens Mount Tai the tigers tremble;

Dragons are frightened when it overturns the ocean.

Even if you have some tricks, you monster,

One blow from this rake will leave nine bloody holes.”

This made the monster more determined that ever, and with his Seven-starred Sword he battled thorough twenty inconclusive rounds with Pig on the mountain. Pig fought back with deadly fury, and at the sight of him pricking up his ears, spewing out saliva, and waving his rake with grunts and shouts, the frightened demon turned round to bring all his underlings into the battle beside him.


Output:
Had he been fighting only the one enemy, Pig would have done fine, but when all the little devils rushed him he lost control, could no longer put up any resistance, and fled in defeat. As he was not paying attention to the uneven path he tripped over a creeper and fell over. He was just picking himself up and starting off again when a junior demon who was lying there tugged at his ankle and brought him tumbling down like a dog eating muck. A crowd of demons seized him and carried him back to the cave, holding him by the bristles, ears, legs and tail. Indeed:

A single demon is hard enough to destroy;

Countless disasters can barely be averted.

If you don’t know whether Pig lived or not, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Heterodoxy Confuses the True Nature

The Primal Deity Helps the Original Heart

Taking Pig into the cave the monster said, “Here’s one, brother.”

“Let me have a look at him,” said the older demon with delight.


Output:
“Isn’t this the one?” asked the younger demon.

“No,” the other replied, “you’ve caught the wrong one. He’s useless.”

“Your Majesty,” said Pig, taking his chance, “I’m just a useless monk, so let me go. I’m scarcely human.”

“No, don’t let him go, brother,” said the younger monster. “He may be no use himself, but he’s with the Tang Priest. Pig’s his name. We can soak him in the drinking-water pool at the back till his bristles come out, salt him and dry him to eat with our wine some rain day.”

“Dammit,” said Pig, “I would have to run into a devil who’s a salt-pork peddler.” The junior demons carried Pig inside and threw him into the pool.

Sanzang meanwhile was sitting on the slope feeling uneasy. His ears were hot and his eyes twitched. “Wukong,” he said, “Pig’s been a long time patrolling the mountain. Why isn’t he back?”

“Don’t you understand his mentality yet, Master?” said Monkey.

“What mentality?” Sanzang asked.


Output:
“What mentality?” Sanzang asked.

“If there were monsters in the mountains he’d be completely helpless,” said Monkey. “He’d make a tremendous fuss and come rushing back to tell me. I don’t think that there can be any monsters. I expect he found the path easy and went straight ahead.”

“If he has gone ahead,” said Sanzang, “where shall we meet him? This is a vast wilderness. It won’t be like finding him in a city or a market-place.”

“Mount your horse and stop worrying,” said Monkey. “That lazy idiot won’t be walking fast, so you only have to make your horse get a move on. We’re bound to catch him up and continue our journey together.” The Tang Priest mounted his horse as asked, and Monkey led the way into the mountains as Friar Sand carried the baggage.

“Brother,” said Gold Horn the senior demon king to Silver Horn the junior demon king, “as you’ve captured Pig we can be sure that the Tang Priest is here. Make another search and don’t get the wrong one this time.”


Output:
“Right away,” said Silver Horn, who immediately mustered fifty junior demons and set out on patrol.

As they went along they saw an auspicious cloud drifting and circling around. “The Tang Priest is here,” said the junior demon king.

“Where?” the other demons asked.

“An auspicious cloud always shines above a good man’s head and an evil effluence rises over a bad man,” said Silver Horn. “The Tang Priest is an incarnation of the Venerable Golden Cicada. He’s a holy man who has cultivated his conduct for ten lives. That’s why he has that auspicious cloud.”

When the others still could not see it the junior demon king pointed again and said, “There it is.” Sanzang shuddered thrice in the saddle, once each time the demon pointed.

“Why did I shudder, disciples?” he asked uneasily.

“Probably it’s indigestion,” said Friar Sand.


Output:
“Probably it’s indigestion,” said Friar Sand.

“Nonsense,” said Monkey, “it must be because these steep mountains make the master feel nervous. Don’t be frightened. You’ll feel better when I’ve cleared the path with my cudgel.” Monkey then ran through all the routines in the military manuals as he swung his cudgel up and down and all around in front of his master’s horse. The Tang Priest watched as he displayed divine powers unmatched on earth.

At the sight of Monkey hacking his way forward the demon almost died of terror; his souls went flying as he watched from the mountain top. “Well,” he found himself saying, “now I know that all I’ve been hearing about Sun the Novice for years is absolutely true.”

“Your Majesty,” said the junior demons, coming up to him, “you’re boosting your enemy and making yourself small. Why? Who is it who’s so terrific?”

“With Monkey’s magic powers we’ll never be able to eat the Tang Priest,” said Silver Horn.


Output:
“If you’re not up to it,” said the junior demons, “we’ll send some of us to ask the senior king to send all the troops in our cave into battle. If we all work together they can’t possibly get away.”

“You’ve never seen that iron cudgel,” said the junior king. “He’s more than a match for a whole army, so with only four or five hundred of us we wouldn’t have a hope against that cudgel of his.”

“In that case,” said the other demons, “we’ll never be able to eat the Tang Priest. There was no point in capturing Pig. Let’s free him.”

“We were right to capture him and shouldn’t let him go,” said the junior king. “We may not be able to eat the Tang Priest yet but sooner or later we will.”

“How many years will that take?” the others asked.

“It won’t be a matter of years,” replied the junior king. “In my opinion we must catch him by cunning, not by being vicious. Try to grab him by force and we won’t get so much as a smell of him. But if we make friends with him by kindness we’ll be able to get him by trickery.”


Output:
“Please find a place for us in your plan, Your Majesty,” said the little demons.

“Go back to the camp,” the junior demon king told them, “but don’t let on to His Senior Majesty. If he gets alarmed and gives the game away our plan will be ruined. I can catch the Tang Priest through magical transformations.” As the other demons went away he leapt down the mountainside to the path, shook himself and changed into a aged Taoist. This is what he looked like:

A gleaming star-hat,

Unkempt white hair.

An embroidered belt round a cloak of feathers,

Cloud sandals tied with yellow coir.

Clear of spirit and bright-eyed as an immortal,

Strong and light like one who will live for ever.

He could be compared to the Taoist Riding a Buffalo,

But is more like the Master of the White Scroll.

This false image could be a real one;

His deception appears to be the truth.

There he was, beside the path, pretending to be a Taoist who had broken his leg. His feet were covered in blood. “Help help,” he shouted.


Output:
Just as Sanzang was happily walking along, supported by the Great Sage Monkey and Friar Sand, he heard a shout of “Help me, Father.”

“Well I never,” said Sanzang. “Who could that be shouting in these wild and uninhabited mountains? It must be someone who’s been frightened by tigers, leopards or wolves.” Reining in his horse he called, “Who’s that in trouble? Come out.” The demon crawled out from the undergrowth and kowtowed noisily for all he was worth before the Tang Priest, who was most upset to see that he was a Taoist and of such advanced years at that. He dismounted rapidly and helped the old man to his feet, begging him to rise.

“It’s agony,” said the demon, “agony.”

When the Tang Priest released his hold and looked down he saw that blood was pouring from the old man’s foot. “Where have you come from, sir,” asked a shocked Sanzang. “and how did you injure your foot?”

“West of this mountain, Father,” lied the demon, “there is a pure and quiet Taoist temple. I am a priest there.”


Output:
“What were you doing, wandering around here instead of looking after the incense and reciting the scriptures and the law in your temple?” Sanzang asked.

“The other day a benefactor of ours from South of the mountain invited all us priests to perform a service for his natal star and spread blessings for him. I was about halfway there with my disciple—we were late—when a ferocious and strongly patterned tiger carried my disciple off. As I staggered along shaking with terror and not knowing where to go I lost my balance on a scree and injured my foot. I can’t find my way back. Thank heavens I have met you today, Father. I beg you in your great mercy to save me. If we find our way back to the temple, I’d even sell myself into slavery to repay your kindness.”


Output:
“Sir,” replied Sanzang, completely taken in, “you and I share a common destiny. I an a Buddhist priest and you are a Taoist. Although we wear different robes, we cultivate our conduct according to the same principles. Were I to fail to save you I would not be a true monk. But help you though I would, you can’t walk.”

“I can’t even stand, let alone walk,” replied the demon.

“Never mind, never mind,” said Sanzang. “I can walk, so you can ride my horse for a while and give it back when we reach your temple.”

“You are very generous and I am most grateful,” said the demon, “but I have hurt my thigh and couldn’t ride.”

“Indeed,” said Sanzang, who then instructed Friar Sand to put the luggage on the horse and carry the Taoist over his shoulders. Friar Sand assented.

The monster turned round at once and looked closely at Friar Sand. “Father,” he said, “I got such a scare from that tiger, but this terrible-looking monk frightens me even more. I’d be too afraid to let him carry me.”


Output:
“Wukong, you carry him,” said Sanzang.

“Certainly, certainly,” replied Monkey. The demon recognized him and docilely allowed himself to be carried by him, saying no more.

“That old Taoist doesn’t know what he’s doing,” chuckled Friar Sand. “Fancy refusing to let me carry you and wanting Monkey to instead. If it wasn’t for our master he’d smash you against a sharp boulder and break all your sinews.”

As Monkey carried the demon on his shoulders he muttered to himself with some amusement, “Wretched demon, how dare you try to provoke me? Do you think I’m a mere child? Your devilish nonsense may be good enough to hoodwink the Tang Priest but it won’t fool me. I can see that you are a local mountain demon. I reckon you want to eat my master. He’s no ordinary person—he’s not for you to eat. Besides, if you want to eat him you’ll have to give a good half to me.”


Output:
Hearing Monkey’s mutterings the monster replied, “Father, I’m a Taoist monk from a decent family who was unlucky enough to meet that tiger today. I’m no evil spirit.”

“If you were afraid of the tiger why didn’t you recite the Great Bear Scripture?” Monkey asked.

Sanzang, hearing Monkey’s grumbling just as he was mounting the horse, chastised him: “Insolent ape. ‘Better to save a human life than to build a seven-storied pagoda.’ If you’re carrying him, just get on with it. Stop talking about ‘Great Bear Scriptures’ or ‘Little Bear Scriptures.’”

“You’re in luck, damn you,” said Monkey. “Merciful and pious my master may be, but he’s a bit rough under his kindly manner. He’ll be angry if I don’t carry you with me. I’ll do it if I must, but there’s something I want to tell you first: warn me if you want a piss or a shit. If you do it down my back the stench will be more than I can stand. Besides, there’s nobody to wash my clothes if they get dirty.”


Output:
To which the demon replied, “Of course. I’m old enough to understand that.” At last Monkey hauled the demon up on his back and hastened Westwards with the Tang Priest and Friar Sand. When the going became very uneven in the mountains Monkey walked slowly and carefully, letting the Tang Priest get ahead.

Before they had gone a couple of miles the Master and Friar Sand dropped out of Monkey’s sight into a hollow on the mountainside. “The Master doesn’t have any sense of how things should be done despite his great age,” he grumbled to himself. “On this long journey I’d feel overloaded even if I were empty-handed. I wish I’d smashed this evil monster. I would have to carry him. Even he’s not a monster but a good man he ought to die at his age. Why should I carry him? I’ll fling him down and kill him.”


Output:
The demon realized that the Great Sage was deciding to kill him so he used his power to shift mountains and made mountain-moving sea-overturning magic on Monkey’s back. He recited the words of the spell, bringing Mount Sumeru flying through the air to come crashing down on Monkey’s head. The Great Sage twisted his head to one side in a flash, and the mountain landed on his left shoulder.

“Tell me, son,” said Monkey, “what magic have you used to make yourself so heavy? You’re crushing me. I don’t mind the weight, but ‘a badly-balanced carrying-pole is much harder to manage than a well-balanced one.’”


Output: “A mountain’s not enough to crush him,” thought the demon, and he recited another spell to bring Mount Emei hurtling down through the air on Monkey’s head. Monkey turned aside again, so that the mountain landed on his right shoulder. Just watch him as, with the two mountains on his shoulders, he hurries like a shooting star after his master. The monster broke into a cold sweat all over when he saw that Monkey could carry mountains. Then he pulled himself together recited another spell, and brought Mount Tai down from the sky on Monkey’s head. By now the Great Sage was so weak with exhaustion that this mountain landing on his head pinned him down: his three corpse-spirits exploded, and blood spurted from his seven orifices.


Output:
When he had crushed Monkey with his magical powers the splendid evil spirit mounted a fast wind and caught up with Sanzang. The monster reached down from his cloud and made a grab for the Tang Priest as he rode his horse. Friar Sand threw down the luggage in horror and rushed forward wielding his demon-subduing staff to stop him. The evil demon raised his Seven-star Sword to face Friar Sand. It was a

fierce battle:

A sword of seven stars,

A demon-quelling staff,

Flash and gleam with golden light.

The one has glaring eyes, a black demon of death;

The iron-faced other is indeed a General of the Curtain.

Before the mountain the demon displays his powers,

Determined to capture Tang Sanzang.

His foe fights hard to save the worthy priest,

Ready to die before he lets him go.

Both belch fogs that Bide the heavenly palace,

And kick up clouds of dust to blot out stars.

The red sun pales before their battle,

Heaven and earth are thrown into confusion.

But after nine clashes yielding no result


Output:
But after nine clashes yielding no result

Friar Sand, alas, is suddenly defeated.

The ferocious demon wielded his sword like a shooting star as he fought till Friar Sand was exhausted. Friar Sand turned to flee, but the monster parried his staff and brought a great hand wheeling round to grab him. Tucking the friar under his left arm, the demon pulled Sanzang from his horse with his right hand, hooked their luggage with his toes, opened his mouth to get his teeth into the horse’s mane, and used his magic to levitate them and carry them in a puff of wind back to the Lotus Flower Cave.

“Elder brother,” he yelled, “I’ve got all the monks.”

The older monster was delighted. “Bring them here; I want to see them,” he said.

“These are the ones, aren’t they?” said the younger.

“Brother,” sighed the older monster, “you’ve got the wrong ones again.”


Output:
“But you told me to get the Tang Priest,” said the younger. “This is the Tang Priest all right,” said the older monster, “but you still haven’t caught that very powerful Sun the Novice. We can’t eat the Tang Priest before we get him. Until we’ve got him we must on no account touch any of his people. That Monkey King has enormous magical powers and can turn himself into all sorts of things. There’s no way he’ll let us eat his master. If he comes to our door looking for a fight you can forget all about a quiet life.”

“Elder brother,” said the younger monster with a laugh, “you’re overrating him. From the way you’re going on about how marvellous he is anyone would think that there were none like him on earth and few enough in the heavens. As I see it he’s nothing special: he hasn’t any powers.”

“Did you catch him?” the elder demon asked.


Output:
“Did you catch him?” the elder demon asked.

“He can’t move an inch,” the other replied. “He’s crushed under three mountains I dropped on him. It was only when I’d done that to him I collected the Tang Priest, Friar Sand, the horse and the baggage and brought them all here.”

The news filled the old monster’s heart with pleasure. “What luck! What luck! Now you’ve dealt with that wretched Sun the Tang Priest is as good as food in our mouths.” Saying this the older monster ordered the young devils, “Bring wine at once, and give the Junior King a drink to celebrate his success.”

“No, I won’t have a drink,” said the younger demon. “Tell the little devils to pull Pig out of the water and hang him up.” Pig was then hung up in the Eastern wing of the cave, Friar Sand in the West, and Tang Priest in the middle. The white horse was sent off to the stables, and the luggage was stored away.


Output:
“You have great powers, my brother,” said the older monster with a laugh. “You’ve caught the three monks twice. But even though you’ve crushed him under a mountain you’ll need some magic to get that Sun into our cooking pot. That’ll be the day.”

“Please sit down, elder brother,” said the younger monster. “I can get Monkey without lifting a finger. I just need to send two little devils with a couple of treasures to bring him back in.”

“What treasures?”


Output:
“What treasures?”

“My gold and red gourd and your vase of mutton-fat jade.” The older monster fetched the two treasures, handed them to him, and asked which two little devils were to be sent. “Send Dexterous Ghost and Skillful Beast,” replied the younger monster. He then instructed them, “Take the two treasures straight to the top of a high mountain, put them there upside-down and call out to Sun. If he responds he’ll go straight inside. You must immediately paste this label on: ‘Supreme Lord Lao: to be dealt with urgently in accordance with the Statutes and Ordinances.’ Within three and a half hours he’ll just be pus.” The two little devils kowtowed and went off with treasures to catch Monkey.

As he lay crushed under the three mountains the Great Sage thought in his distress of the holy priest Sanzang.


Output:
“Master,” he wailed, “I remember how you removed the paper sealing me under the Double Boundary Mountain, delivered me from terrible agony, and brought me into the Buddhist faith. The Bodhisattva ordered me to stay with you and improve myself, sharing you fate, your appearance, and your knowledge. I never thought I’d have this demon trouble here and be crushed by mountains again. Oh dear, oh dear. If you die it serves you right. But I do feel sorry about Friar Sand, Pig, and the little dragon who was turned into a horse. Indeed:

A tall tree invites the wind;

The wind then shakes the tree.

Whoever strives for fame

By fame destroyed is he.”

Then he sighed and the tears flowed like rain.

All this had alarmed the mountain spirits, the local gods and the Protectors of the four quarters and the center. “Whose mountains are these?” asked the Gold-headed Protector.

“Ours,” said the local gods.

“And who is it pinned under your mountains?”

“We don’t know,” said the local gods.


Output:
“We don’t know,” said the local gods.

“You lot wouldn’t,” said the Protector.

“It’s Sun Wukong, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven who made havoc in the palaces of Heaven five hundred years ago. Now he’s found religion and become the Tang Priest’s disciple. Why ever did you let that demon use your mountains to crush him? You’ve had it now. He’ll not spare you if ever he gets free. Even if he decides to let you off lightly it’ll be exile for the local gods and hard labor for the mountain spirits. And I’ll get a severe reprimand.”

“We didn’t know, really we didn’t,” said the gods and spirits, now terrified. “When the chief demon recited the mountain-moving spell we just moved them here. We never knew it was the Great Sage Sun.”

“Don’t be afraid,” said the Protector. “The Legal Code says that you cannot be punished for what you are unaware of. We’ll have to work out a plan to let him out in such a way that he won’t kill us all.”


Output:
“It would be very unfair of him to kill us if we set him free,” said the local gods.

“There’s something else you don’t know,” said the Protector. “He has a truly lethal As-You-Will gold-banded cudgel. If he hits you with that you’ve dead, and just a touch of it will wound. A tap will shatter your sinews, and a graze from it rip your skin to shreds.”

The terrified local gods and mountain spirits then conferred with the Protectors, approached the gates of the three mountains, and called, “Great Sage, the mountain spirits, local gods and Protectors from the four quarters and the center have come to see you.”

Splendid Monkey. He was like a tiger who though skinny was as always full of spirit. “So what?” he called in a loud, clear voice.

“We have a communication for the Great Sage,” replied the local gods. “If we remove the mountains and set you free, Great Sage, will you forgive us humble spirits for our discourtesy?”


Output:
“Move these mountains,” said Monkey, “and I won’t hit you.” Then he shouted, “Get up.” It was just like the authorities giving an order: the deities all said the magic words and the mountains went back to where they had come from. Monkey was free. He jumped up, shook the dirt off his body, tightened his kilt, pulled out his cudgel from behind his ear, and said to the local gods and mountain spirits, “All hold out your feet. I’m going to give you two strokes each to work off my bad temper.”

“But you promised just a moment ago, Great Sage,” said the deities in horror, “to forgive us. How can you go back on your word and hit us?”

“My dear local gods and mountain spirits,” said Monkey, “you’re more afraid of that monster than of me.”

“But that demon has great and powerful magic arts! When he says his true spells he forces us to take it in turns to be on duty in his cave every day.”


Output:
Monkey was shocked to hear them talk about being on duty. He looked up to the skies and shouted, “Heaven, Heaven, when the primal chaos was first differentiated and heaven divided from earth I was born on the Mountain of Flowers and Fruit. I visited many a wise teacher and learned the secrets of eternal life. I could change as swiftly as the winds, subdued tigers and dragons, and made great havoc in the palaces of Heaven. But never did I bully mountain spirits and local gods or make them run my errands. What a disgrace, when these evil monsters have the effrontery to treat mountain spirits and local gods as their slaves, and make them take turns to serve them. Heaven! If you created me, why ever did you create them?”

Just as the Great Sage was in the middle of his complaint a rosy light began to shine in the mountain hollow. “Mountain spirits, local gods,” asked Monkey, “you serve in the cave, so what is it that’s shining?”


Output:
“The monsters’ treasures,” replied the local gods, “some of the demons must have brought them to catch you out with.”

“Just what I need to play a little trick on them,” said Monkey: “Tell me, who comes to see them in the cave?”

“What they’re interested in is refining elixirs of immortality, and their best friends are Taoist masters of the Quanzhen School,” replied the local gods.

“No wonder he turned himself into an old Taoist priest to trick my master,” said Monkey. “Very well then, I’ll let you off for now. Back you go. I’ll get them myself.” The spirits all rose into the air and made off.

The Great Sage shook himself and turned himself into an old Taoist master. Do you know what he made himself like?

His hair drawn into two tufts,

A motley robe of a hundred patches.

He tapped a fisherman’s drum,

A Lord Lu sash around his waist.

He leaned beside the path,

Awaiting the little devils.

Soon the devils arrived

To be prey for the Monkey King’s tricks.


Output:
To be prey for the Monkey King’s tricks.

It was not long before the two little devils arrived. Monkey thrust his gold-banded cudgel out and tripped up the two demons, who were taken right off guard. It was only as they picked themselves up that they saw Monkey. “You villain. If our Great King weren’t such an admirer of the likes of you we’d soon sort you out.”

“What do you mean, sort me out?” asked Monkey with a forced smile. “We’re all Taoists—one big happy family.”

“Why are you lying here, and why did you trip us up?” asked the devils.

“A little fall is a way for you boys to show your respect on meeting a Taoist elder like me,” said Monkey.

“Our Great King only demands a few ounces of silver when people first meet him,” said the little devils, “so why do you expect us to fall over for you? That’s not the custom here. You must be from somewhere else.”

“Indeed I am,” said Monkey. “I’m from Mount Penglai.”

“But that’s an island in the sea where immortals live,” said the devils.